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Open Thread: Graffiti

“Some people become cops because they want to make the world a better place. Some people become vandals because they want to make the world a better looking place.”
― Banksy, Wall and Piece

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This aunt is one I've always had a weird relationship with. She's dead certain I'm a wayward child who just needs to have someone point out that Jesus Christ is Lord, that This Present Darkness is a documentary, and that when I bought a DnD starter box meant I was dabbling in witch craft. We're not close. I want to like her, because she can be very nice, but she is very rude and doesn't bother to talk with me. She would rather follow her script and talk AT me. So... well. I'm less than inclined to be charitable with her. My other aunt is more... awesomer, if still very much unlikely to talk to me as a person.

This aunt is one I've always had a weird relationship with. She's dead certain I'm a wayward child who just needs to have someone point out that Jesus Christ is Lord, that This Present Darkness is a documentary, and that when I bought a DnD starter box meant I was dabbling in witch craft. We're not close. I want to like her, because she can be very nice, but she is very rude and doesn't bother to talk with me. She would rather follow her script and talk AT me. So... well. I'm less than inclined to be charitable with her. My other aunt is more... awesomer, if still very much unlikely to talk to me as a person.

The conversation about ethics/morality in video games (one thread over) and particularly Dav's comment about wanting escapist games in which one could be the hero (which is pretty much where I am, too) got me thinking. So I took my somewhat off topic thought over here.

What if, instead of a standard morality meter, a game presented choices that put the story in different places along the sliding scale of idealism vs cynicism? That is, if you behaved as though it was an idealistic story, you would get an idealistic story, but if you behaved as if it were a more cynical story, you'd get that story instead. There's a hint of this, actually, in SW:TOR - both in that the different class stories are more and less idealistic and that the Light Side options tend to be more idealistic (sometimes, depending on the player, either hilariously so or suspension of disbelief stretchingly so).

Though, now that I think about it, I'm not sure I'd want to imply that good and evil map onto idealistic vs cynical. Cynicism settings, like difficulty settings?

*sigh* The problem is that I (and perhaps Dav) have unpopular taste in entertainment and I'd love to think of a way to make more of it exist, without necessarily taking away from the entertainment of those who prefer more gray/cynical/realistic stories. I want my tropetastic action adventure, but I want it hard over to the idealism side of things. Which is mostly me wanting something that almost never exists.

Yeah, that's hard. When my Grandad died, there were a lot of hard feelings between my aunts and Grandad's second wife (to whom I've always been close, since she married Grandad when I was very young). I gather some harsh things were said, although I have avoided knowing what since I want to stay close to all involved. In the end, my mom reconciled with her, but my aunts are still not talking to her and probably never will again. I just figure that death of a loved one is really stressful and people deal with that differently, so I try to cut people as much slack as possible on the subject. That said, I don't know exactly what went on, and I'm more interested in good relationships with the living than with knowing the facts, so it's a lot easier for me to talk about forgiveness and cutting people slack. I hope you are able to find peace (in whatever form seems best to you) with your aunt as well.

Yeah, that's hard. When my Grandad died, there were a lot of hard feelings between my aunts and Grandad's second wife (to whom I've always been close, since she married Grandad when I was very young). I gather some harsh things were said, although I have avoided knowing what since I want to stay close to all involved. In the end, my mom reconciled with her, but my aunts are still not talking to her and probably never will again. I just figure that death of a loved one is really stressful and people deal with that differently, so I try to cut people as much slack as possible on the subject. That said, I don't know exactly what went on, and I'm more interested in good relationships with the living than with knowing the facts, so it's a lot easier for me to talk about forgiveness and cutting people slack. I hope you are able to find peace (in whatever form seems best to you) with your aunt as well.

*hugs* Thanks. That sounds pretty much identical to how my grandma's life has been for the past few years. However, when she broke her hip she survived it after the surgery, but caring for her afterwards nearly broke me. Her mind has steadily been declining since.

I wish I knew if I could forgive my aunt for leaving Grandma to die without any family there. Even if she survived, and the chaplain was there, what she did felt pretty unforgivable.

*hugs* Thanks. That sounds pretty much identical to how my grandma's life has been for the past few years. However, when she broke her hip she survived it after the surgery, but caring for her afterwards nearly broke me. Her mind has steadily been declining since.

I wish I knew if I could forgive my aunt for leaving Grandma to die without any family there. Even if she survived, and the chaplain was there, what she did felt pretty unforgivable.

I've lost three grandparents with little or no warning, and its's tough. My dad's dad actually wanted to die, toward the end, but though he was weak, he wasn't actually sick, so it still came suddenly and unexpectedly. But I've never been in the situation you're in, and I have no idea how I'd cope with it if I was. All my sympathies, Asha.

I've lost three grandparents with little or no warning, and its's tough. My dad's dad actually wanted to die, toward the end, but though he was weak, he wasn't actually sick, so it still came suddenly and unexpectedly. But I've never been in the situation you're in, and I have no idea how I'd cope with it if I was. All my sympathies, Asha.

She's my last grandparent, the only one I ever really knew, and was a major figure in my life. She's... She's a character. Someone I love. Someone who absolutely panicked when Obama was elected because it completely unseated her world. Someone who desperately is afraid to die, and will hold on with claws out, kicking and screaming. Someone who usually won't judge but is afraid I'll go to hell. Someone who fed me soup after the first time I was hit with a softball and kept me calm even though it was one of the worst hurts I'd ever had up until that point in my life. Utterly merciless at Scrabble.

She's my last grandparent, the only one I ever really knew, and was a major figure in my life. She's... She's a character. Someone I love. Someone who absolutely panicked when Obama was elected because it completely unseated her world. Someone who desperately is afraid to die, and will hold on with claws out, kicking and screaming. Someone who usually won't judge but is afraid I'll go to hell. Someone who fed me soup after the first time I was hit with a softball and kept me calm even though it was one of the worst hurts I'd ever had up until that point in my life. Utterly merciless at Scrabble.

Asha - my sympathies on what you and your family are going through. It's such an intense roller coaster for energy and emotions to be constantly told the worst is just about to happen. I'll keep good wishes for you that you have the support and love around you that you need, and *hugs* if you want them.

Asha - my sympathies on what you and your family are going through. It's such an intense roller coaster for energy and emotions to be constantly told the worst is just about to happen. I'll keep good wishes for you that you have the support and love around you that you need, and *hugs* if you want them.

All the sympathy for you, Asha. My Grandma died in similar circumstances about a month ago - she had pretty bad dementia and was clearly unhappy, then fell and broke her hip and there were many rounds of phone tag while they decided whether or not to do surgery. They finally decided not to - didn't think she had a high chance of surviving it, and really, to what end? Hip surgery on a 90 year old woman who already barely walks? - so she ended up in palliative care and finally died about a week later. The uncertainty was hard. So was the sense of relief I felt when she died that she was finally not in pain anymore. I didn't feel like I was supposed to feel relief, but...she had been unhappy for years and in a lot of pain for a week. It was a relief to know she wasn't suffering anymore.

I cried at her memorial service, but I've mostly moved beyond grief into peace with it. At this point, I feel like I've been mourning her for a couple years anyway, as I was less and less able to have a conversation or a relationship with her.

I hope you are able to find your own peace. And my best wishes for your Grandma and whatever outcome is best for her. Also, don't be too hard on yourself about making it about you. You're grieving. It can be about you for a little while. *hugs* if you want them.

All the sympathy for you, Asha. My Grandma died in similar circumstances about a month ago - she had pretty bad dementia and was clearly unhappy, then fell and broke her hip and there were many rounds of phone tag while they decided whether or not to do surgery. They finally decided not to - didn't think she had a high chance of surviving it, and really, to what end? Hip surgery on a 90 year old woman who already barely walks? - so she ended up in palliative care and finally died about a week later. The uncertainty was hard. So was the sense of relief I felt when she died that she was finally not in pain anymore. I didn't feel like I was supposed to feel relief, but...she had been unhappy for years and in a lot of pain for a week. It was a relief to know she wasn't suffering anymore.

I cried at her memorial service, but I've mostly moved beyond grief into peace with it. At this point, I feel like I've been mourning her for a couple years anyway, as I was less and less able to have a conversation or a relationship with her.

I hope you are able to find your own peace. And my best wishes for your Grandma and whatever outcome is best for her. Also, don't be too hard on yourself about making it about you. You're grieving. It can be about you for a little while. *hugs* if you want them.

This week has been a real roller-coaster for me. I live with my parents, and we got a call about 9:00 pm last Friday from my aunt, saying that my grandma was dying. My mom, and my two aunts, then proceeded to play phone tag while they discussed whether to take my grandma off her breathing mask. The aunt taking care of my grandma had already called the chaplain to try to give her comfort or pray with her or something like. Then she left the hospital because she couldn't stand to watch Grandma die.

I went to bed that night convinced my grandma would not be alive in the morning. I cried a lot.

Turns out, she survived the night. When they gave her a prognosis of 1-4 days, I almost cried again because it meant I had to wait on her dying, again. It's been a week now.

She's still alive. And we have no idea what that means.

I've been a wreck, because I love Grandma and don't want her to die but she's been draining away to dementia for years. We already had to sell her home and things because she could no longer live by herself. I know I don't know how I could handle it if I was the one taking care of Grandma (well, no, I do. I would be an emotional mess but I would have tried to stay with her.) but I don't know if I can forgive my aunt for this. I'm just... coming out of the pain mostly numb. I don't know how long she has now. Just... ugh.

This week has been a real roller-coaster for me. I live with my parents, and we got a call about 9:00 pm last Friday from my aunt, saying that my grandma was dying. My mom, and my two aunts, then proceeded to play phone tag while they discussed whether to take my grandma off her breathing mask. The aunt taking care of my grandma had already called the chaplain to try to give her comfort or pray with her or something like. Then she left the hospital because she couldn't stand to watch Grandma die.

I went to bed that night convinced my grandma would not be alive in the morning. I cried a lot.

Turns out, she survived the night. When they gave her a prognosis of 1-4 days, I almost cried again because it meant I had to wait on her dying, again. It's been a week now.

She's still alive. And we have no idea what that means.

I've been a wreck, because I love Grandma and don't want her to die but she's been draining away to dementia for years. We already had to sell her home and things because she could no longer live by herself. I know I don't know how I could handle it if I was the one taking care of Grandma (well, no, I do. I would be an emotional mess but I would have tried to stay with her.) but I don't know if I can forgive my aunt for this. I'm just... coming out of the pain mostly numb. I don't know how long she has now. Just... ugh.

I recently read a pretty good YA fantasy novel called The Empress Sword by Paulette Jaxton. It started out as a podcast novel, but for some reason the podcast never finished the story, leaving me hanging at a pretty critical point in the story... so I bought and downloaded the e-book from iTunes.

It starts out looking like a really stereotypical Heroic Fantasy of the Brave Young Prince who goes to Save His Kingdom from the Great Rampaging Dragon by finding the Ancient Magical Sword... and then turns quite a few of the cliches on its head.

For one thing, the dragon is much more than a rampaging monster, and in fact goes through a ton of character development over the course of the story. And the magical sword, the titular Empress Sword, turns out to have its own will and is not about to let any man or boy wield it... so the prince finds himself magically transformed into a girl.

Thankfully, there's an almost complete lack of transphobia, shame or humiliation here, nor is the transformation treated as "kinky" in any way. There are some early moments of panic on the prince's part, but they have more to do with "this is new, unexpected and weird," and none of the characters who discover the prince-turned-princess's situation ever calls her gross, unnatural or a freak. The transformation is primarily used as a tool to uncover and explore themes of misogyny and unfair hierarchies in a lot of medieval fantasy stories, but without losing the human touch.

(It's a small part of the book, but I also liked that the prince seems to have no problems whatsoever being a girl in love with another girl... or discovering that (s)he may be developing a crush on another boy as well. No homophobia, one way or the other, here!)

It's not a perfect book. Some of the issues could have done with a bit more or deeper exploration, and there are quite a few loose threads that are left in the end. But I really like how it pretends to be a straightforward heroic fantasy at first, only to develop into a tale of equality, compassion and the basic rights of everyone -- no matter if they're dragons, foreigners, peasants, or boys in dresses.

Ah, I always suspected that sort of game programming was possible! And interesting and fun idea. Also might lead to more replayability in games (though that's mostly important to MMOs - not that something like that escaping to MMO world wouldn't be interesting as well).

Ah, I always suspected that sort of game programming was possible! And interesting and fun idea. Also might lead to more replayability in games (though that's mostly important to MMOs - not that something like that escaping to MMO world wouldn't be interesting as well).

@depizan - Someone could be idealistic and "evil" in the sense of being able to play a game that let you, for example, save Metropolis with your powers...or decide to embark on a campaign to rule Metropolis. Which you could do by campaigning (clean or dirty) or by seizing control in a more direct way.

The possible problem here is the infinite branching that could develop based on your idealism or cynicism. But I would love to see that kind of story - even better if it can be a sandbox game.

Heh. That reminds me - I rather long for the probably not-to-distant future when there are games that are essentially gaming platforms. That is to say, when computer RPGs and pen and paper RPGs meet in some sort of interesting hybrid form*. Something like a more complex version of City of Heroes/Villains Architect thingy. Though, I suppose people (who aren't me, see note) also actually role play in MMOs all the time anyway, so I may be wanting something that already exists, really. I want interactive storytelling for when my friends aren't available, without having to interact with people. Makes ever so much sense. Not.

*Technically, this has already happened to a large degree in Second Life, which is awesome for people who aren't me. (My reaction to Second LIfe? AAAAAAGH, I don't want to interact with real people I don't know! Do not want!!! (Yes, I realize this makes little sense, considering that I blog and comment on blogs, but that's different. And even less sense if I mention that I got into pen and paper RPGs by signing up to play a beginner friendly game at the first con I went to. And have generally gamed in groups consisting of both people I know and people I've just met. ... People are scarier over the internet if it's real time? Whut.))

Heh. That reminds me - I rather long for the probably not-to-distant future when there are games that are essentially gaming platforms. That is to say, when computer RPGs and pen and paper RPGs meet in some sort of interesting hybrid form*. Something like a more complex version of City of Heroes/Villains Architect thingy. Though, I suppose people (who aren't me, see note) also actually role play in MMOs all the time anyway, so I may be wanting something that already exists, really. I want interactive storytelling for when my friends aren't available, without having to interact with people. Makes ever so much sense. Not.

*Technically, this has already happened to a large degree in Second Life, which is awesome for people who aren't me. (My reaction to Second LIfe? AAAAAAGH, I don't want to interact with real people I don't know! Do not want!!! (Yes, I realize this makes little sense, considering that I blog and comment on blogs, but that's different. And even less sense if I mention that I got into pen and paper RPGs by signing up to play a beginner friendly game at the first con I went to. And have generally gamed in groups consisting of both people I know and people I've just met. ... People are scarier over the internet if it's real time? Whut.))

Croc and Bird, by Alexis Deacon, is a beautiful little picture book that begins with two eggs hatching together on a river bank, and the hatchlings deciding, in the absence of any grown-ups around to tell them otherwise, that they're brothers. And then it's about how they grow up together, and about what happens when they meet other crocodiles and other birds and discover that their understanding of the world is not the commonly accepted one.

(I was hanging out in the junior corner of the library with my niece when I discovered it, but I shamelessly admit I read it for myself. My niece is still at the age where the coloured blocks are more interesting than the books.)

Croc and Bird, by Alexis Deacon, is a beautiful little picture book that begins with two eggs hatching together on a river bank, and the hatchlings deciding, in the absence of any grown-ups around to tell them otherwise, that they're brothers. And then it's about how they grow up together, and about what happens when they meet other crocodiles and other birds and discover that their understanding of the world is not the commonly accepted one.

(I was hanging out in the junior corner of the library with my niece when I discovered it, but I shamelessly admit I read it for myself. My niece is still at the age where the coloured blocks are more interesting than the books.)

Oh ho, Nebulas! I have that Jemisin book (The Killing Moon) on the Kindle but I haven't started it yet. And I was considering getting Throne of the Crescent Moon, but I thought I should finish Pulchritude first.

I wrote a tanka! http://elizabethconall.dreamwidth.org/669.html And I wrote a sonnet! And I wrote a drabble-collection short story! The sonnet and the story both need actual editing before posting, but will probably be posted Creative Commons licensed pretty soon. The sonnet for sure, anyway, I'm trying to figure out whether 2500 words is enough there there to make a ninety-nine-cent ebook.

I wrote a tanka! http://elizabethconall.dreamwidth.org/669.html And I wrote a sonnet! And I wrote a drabble-collection short story! The sonnet and the story both need actual editing before posting, but will probably be posted Creative Commons licensed pretty soon. The sonnet for sure, anyway, I'm trying to figure out whether 2500 words is enough there there to make a ninety-nine-cent ebook.

I recently read and really liked Quiet by Susan Cain. It's a non-fiction about introverts living in an extrovert-based culture, and the whole time I read it I kept thinking, "This explains so much!"

Content Note: DepressionSo in the last Twilight thread, there was talk about whether or not knowing about your depression helps, and it's clearly a YMMV situation. It made me think of my own dysthymia, and how knowing what is is has helped. Instead of exploding at my husband, "I feel so sad and my life is pretty good so I have no reason to be sad so I have no right to be sad so I have no right to this pretty good life I don't deserve anything ever!" I see what's happening and say, "Well, crap. I'm on a downswing. I'm going to have a snack and a nap now. When you finish your video game, I could go for some snuggles."

So it's not the knowledge that helps, per se (I'm still thinking all the horrible things I would be exploding), but the snack and the nap and the snuggles tend to make the downswing less bad than it would be otherwise.

I recently read and really liked Quiet by Susan Cain. It's a non-fiction about introverts living in an extrovert-based culture, and the whole time I read it I kept thinking, "This explains so much!"

Content Note: DepressionSo in the last Twilight thread, there was talk about whether or not knowing about your depression helps, and it's clearly a YMMV situation. It made me think of my own dysthymia, and how knowing what is is has helped. Instead of exploding at my husband, "I feel so sad and my life is pretty good so I have no reason to be sad so I have no right to be sad so I have no right to this pretty good life I don't deserve anything ever!" I see what's happening and say, "Well, crap. I'm on a downswing. I'm going to have a snack and a nap now. When you finish your video game, I could go for some snuggles."

So it's not the knowledge that helps, per se (I'm still thinking all the horrible things I would be exploding), but the snack and the nap and the snuggles tend to make the downswing less bad than it would be otherwise.

I've got a short story finished and starting the submission/rejection rounds with e-zines. Probably a few more months before I hear back. I've also got two more short stories in the revision phase and a couple in the concept/research phase.

So, I've been pretty productive in everything except for grad school which is not going so well.

I've been hard at work writing. I've done over 95,000 words this year.

Today is one of the pay-offs. My 12th novel releases. The title alone requires a content warning, and is in-your-face. The book is non-linear. It's about post-apocalyptic gay biker gangs.

I'm knitting my third pair of socks, with green striping yarn. I find knitting has helped keep my hands flexible this winter, without a lot of the usual aches from arthritis.

And I'm still trying to get a grip on how to write a review for an anthology where I vaguely know a lot of the authors, but I didn't like the collection as a whole or most of the individual stories. They tried too hard to be "literary" and offbeat instead of truly scary. A lot of present tense stories, and one done in second person present tense (which worked). I have to balance between my own tastes and not hurting feelings and relationships. And tact is not my longest suit.

Also wondering why half the movies I've seen this year feel like propaganda pictures? I mean, I knew Objective, Burma! would be, but I wasn't expecting it from The Dark Knight Rises or Les Miserables.

I've been hard at work writing. I've done over 95,000 words this year.

Today is one of the pay-offs. My 12th novel releases. The title alone requires a content warning, and is in-your-face. The book is non-linear. It's about post-apocalyptic gay biker gangs.

I'm knitting my third pair of socks, with green striping yarn. I find knitting has helped keep my hands flexible this winter, without a lot of the usual aches from arthritis.

And I'm still trying to get a grip on how to write a review for an anthology where I vaguely know a lot of the authors, but I didn't like the collection as a whole or most of the individual stories. They tried too hard to be "literary" and offbeat instead of truly scary. A lot of present tense stories, and one done in second person present tense (which worked). I have to balance between my own tastes and not hurting feelings and relationships. And tact is not my longest suit.

Also wondering why half the movies I've seen this year feel like propaganda pictures? I mean, I knew Objective, Burma! would be, but I wasn't expecting it from The Dark Knight Rises or Les Miserables.

I have begun keeping a journal, of sorts - I couldn't find an unlined notebook that I liked, so I got a cheap sketchbook and covered it with pretty paper. It's mostly for doodling and any random, silly thing I feel like - yesterday, I felt like seashell stickers and 'haiku'.

Grey clouds on the windFreezing waves against the shoreWinter comes to land

Also.... my house was broken into last Friday, and I've been sorting through all the emotional fallout of that this week. I've never owned any expensive or gold jewelry, but what they took was all very significant and symbolic personally - earrings that were a gift from my mother-in-law, a pendant I bought on my honeymoon, and worst of all was the silver ring my grandmother gave me a few years before she died. I'd give up all the electronics over again to have that ring back. It's really hard to imagine complete strangers just making themselves free in my home, going through drawers, moving furniture, judging everything I have (the contents of my entire life) based on what money they can get by taking it from me. :-(

I have begun keeping a journal, of sorts - I couldn't find an unlined notebook that I liked, so I got a cheap sketchbook and covered it with pretty paper. It's mostly for doodling and any random, silly thing I feel like - yesterday, I felt like seashell stickers and 'haiku'.

Grey clouds on the windFreezing waves against the shoreWinter comes to land

Also.... my house was broken into last Friday, and I've been sorting through all the emotional fallout of that this week. I've never owned any expensive or gold jewelry, but what they took was all very significant and symbolic personally - earrings that were a gift from my mother-in-law, a pendant I bought on my honeymoon, and worst of all was the silver ring my grandmother gave me a few years before she died. I'd give up all the electronics over again to have that ring back. It's really hard to imagine complete strangers just making themselves free in my home, going through drawers, moving furniture, judging everything I have (the contents of my entire life) based on what money they can get by taking it from me. :-(

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