I have long accepted that you (and the larger archipelego to the east) are in seriously deep denial about the fact that winter comes here too. I have a medium-term strategy for this which involves getting the hell out. In the interim however, seeing as I now have a head cold due to ongoing perisistent lack of adequate heating in any indoor area (especially all the expensive bars we went to last Friday--won't be visiting your frozen wasteland of a premises again, nifty city centre bars 1, 2 and 3) I am sitting on top of a storage heater in addition to our regular heating, and wearing a hoodie--and am finally really warm for the first time in about 2 months.

Also, in relation to the forthcoming budget? Fuck that noise, and the imminent (additional) tax cuts: I didn't make this mess, nor did I profit from it in any way. Here's a handbasket, what's your hurry? Oh, and I'll send you a postcard once I get out.

It was beautiful between us once, but now I feel we have nothing in common. And I'm cold all the time and paying hundreds of euro in heating, and still wearing layers. It's not like you're Glasgow or in any way cool anymore, so frankly it's not worth sticking around.

(Unless I get that job, at which point I will solemnly swear to teach your entitled youngsters until they can't see straight. Hey, I'm flexible; I want to do the work more than I want to move; which is a lot.)

ETA: Yes, I contradict myself, I contain multitudes.I mean, we can express our needs (for aftercare) AND do it in a not buzz-killing non-demaning playful (game) way.Or can we?

***Moved my thesis on Games here - because I AM silly high on a bucket of hormones - it's my monthly PMS theorizing compulsion. AND i didn't want to clog the entire Relationship thread with my views on life. Also, here I might get cut moral slack for being inebriated;)

But feel free to answer in The Relationship thread. I just hate to wait civil amounts of time before I can post today. My way of celebrating Write Love on Her Arm: To not hold back on what I feel a need to say?

So there. The term *playing games* is often misapplied and there is this kinda "consensual" game playing that serves a purpose and has its place.

These games, methinkst, are highly ritualized behavior which ensures that person A and person B are compatible enough to read each other's signals: It's about establishing a language. It's not like we come with instructions. Games are a way of learning each other. Our strengths and our limits. Egrets dance, lion seals rip gouges into each other's blubber, humans play games: all in good faith that if we pass that test, then when we take our clothes off, we will be on the same page. And when we put our clothes back on again, we'll still be talking.And even if I did keep a log of all the ways I react and cover my reactions, if I just up and handed it to him - that would be not only boring, but unsafe. How would I know that he'd know what to do with me, faced with a situation that's a deeper level of fucked up, one where I really don't know why I am reacting this way, and to what? If he didn't get through level one on his own?

Now. I hate stupid *I want every cunt/cock in the county to be aiming at me* campaigns as much as the next gal, and please let's agree that we are NOT talking about that high school use of playing games - but there are some games that prep the syrup to flow sweeter, deeper, darker...

I don't know. Just seems unfair that there is this overall branding of games as entirely negative.

Second: For some people this is not even a conscious behavior. It's their equivalent of checking if they turned off the gas 17 times. They can't leave the house without it.What I'm saying is, we can't decide a person sucks just because they seem to play games. All it means is, they are not entirely comfortable in their skin. Or not entirely comfortable with the traditional power equation. Or not entirely comfortable with comfort. Now that might be a deal breaker for some of us, but it doesn't automatically make the game-player a total jerk.

Am I alone in thinking like this? *Ducks behind some recycling containers till the initial storm of eggs subsides*

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Every story is a cup so empty it can be drunk from again and again. - MJH

7sec... Tarkovsky when smoking: that's old school and arguably one of the optimal experiences. Hope you enjoyed (and don't delete your post)!!

Mister and RT are both away and I have celebrated halloween thus far by watching Into the Wild (surprisingly good) while drinking a cotes du rhone by the fire, before dancing around the room to old Heart. Call me a hermit but this makes me happy.

ETA: So yeah, I started puffing again... this the BUI* thread for weed too, not just alcohol? ah, yes.

* * *

Streaming Solaris from google videos for the N-to-the-power-thereof'th time I just realized... the friggin subtitling technician doesn't know a word of Russian! And Russian being a slavic language it's longer than English so I have a feeling they warned him: let them speak a good while and then punch in the next line. So the poor guy operating a button (who got handed an otherwise alright translation ) is sitting there clueless and randomly measuring speech vs print. Result: The translation lags anywhere between 3 and a good 5 to 8 minutes... Thank god for the many silences in Tarkovsky so the subtitles almost catch up but this is absurd. Like, another level of surreal Tarkovsky had no clue was possible. (Which totally serves his taste, of course, and his kinky sense of immortality.)Example: I am listening to A:*two scientists converse in Russian about the ethics of science - people like you, doctor, should not be let loose in space, it is fragile there, everything is fragile./ Science has to be founded in morality to be valid, otherwise it should be banned/ and all that* ---- and the subtitles streaming under it in real time are from an earlier scene, B:*a boy freaking out because there is Something in the garage, and the mom asks what's wrong, and the boy says with a shaky little voice: "There is something. It's just standing there and LOOKING"... Turns out, it's a horse, but the boy from the future has never seen a horse, so it's scary.*I'm reading and listening, in two different languages, two different scenes. So the mind struggles to make sense right, the mind struggles to put these two in a meaningful pattern and tie a bow on them.And of course there are connections, just take A/B as the tenor and B/A as the vehicle of the metaphor:- the horse is an instrument which measures your fear when you don't know what a horse is- On the flipside: science is scary without the ring/name of morality on its curious nose -then cross-breed the two:- the unknown monster in the garage, then the act of putting a name to it: "Horse", and it becomes tame AND beautiful. (seeking to name or be named. another power relationship crossing the LOOKING glass)- science is just sitting there LOOKING. But oh that look is so scary because the coin of its realm is HOW and not HOW BEAUTIFUL.

(oh, I am so innocent here! This thread is called Ramblings, I cannot be busted;)

There are many more (simpler/ more elegant) parallels to make... But the thing is, even if there are NO parallels, there still WILL be. If the mind cannot find them, the mind will make them... it will adjust the light and torque the angle, but it will find a way to make sense of why a horse is like science, and NOT blame it on the subtitle tech. . . and after 10 minutes of thinking this madness - I realized this is what defines humanity to me, not the "smiling muscles" or the capacity to dream, but this need to find parallels between totally unrelated fields of experience and say: Oh, this is like this so I have an excuse to LIKE it. And that's how we know things even if we have never seen them. And we crawl on that bridge of metaphor till we get carpet burn, and will not stop. AND THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT.But, um. That's me, and I'm stoned.

So... Yeah, let's see if I'll feel the need to delete this when I wake up;)

---*Busting Under the Influence

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Every story is a cup so empty it can be drunk from again and again. - MJH

I am on a killer trip right now. I think I should meditate. You know, I realized that this is a great way to mindfullness! Listen to the right tunes and the only moment is the present moment on a good high. It's been a while since I got this deeply philosophical when high.

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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada

I didn't drink that much last night but I feel very ill today. I think it's because the drinks that I did have were sugary...

grooossness...

Last night was pretty fun, but my friend who was having the party at her house got sick, and I ended up cleaning up her puke and shooing everyone out of her place and then cleaning up afterwards. And I was pretty sober when i was doing that, but still I feel sick. Not fair.

Oh lordy am I hungover. Hopefully I'll be doing better in 5 hours which is when I have to go over to my friend's place for a pre-wedding ceremony. I went to her place last night and she invited me to come out clubbing. Her sister paid for 3 bottles of Grey Goose for everyone to share. Oh, and she bought a few shots. Apparently not having a price limit equals me drinking more.

I ended up sending cc_boy a drunken email about how beautiful he is and then describing my post drinking McDonald's order. I want to go back to bed.

Perhaps my inability to type in my code/user name should have been a clue, but I have spent the night drinking extra dirty vodka maritinis and am feeling way too good. Now comes the happy smoking portion of my night. First night of actual drinking since single, and it was way too fun. a good reminder of how many good friends I have if only I reach out. And yet, I wish there ther ewere somenone other than my trusty hitachi to fuck me to sleep. Hopefully mary jane and her firneds will kill that particulat deiare for me, at least tonight.

Ugh, had waaaaay too much to drink last night. It started off with some very strong cosmos followed by a couple of shots followed by two more drinks that I really didn't need. I haven't felt this bad since New Year's.