Discussion (37) ¬

Okay Andi. The good news? You are not as much like your mother as you may fear. The bad news? This is going to be well beyond any form of “make it right” you may have had in your mind, especially since you’re going to need to focus on you and her, with Todd being, AT MOST, a side aspect of this to start with. The worse news? Even though you don’t know it, the fact that her real father “chose Selkie over her” (which will likely be her thought if Amanda is told the truth) is going to do a LOT of damage to Amanda, and you have no real way of knowing that this will happen.

I don’t know that Todd “choosing Selkie over Amanda” will do damage in the long run. Amanda dislikes Selkie, but Amanda doesn’t even treat her friends very nice, and it’s mostly because of not just being rejected by her foster parents but also not having any other family ties. If she can accept Andi, Amanda’s main reason for hating Selkie goes away. If she can get over past events, Selkie is likely to be Amanda’s only chance at a good sibling relationship.

Besides, whether she realizes it right away or not, the last thing Amanda wants is to act like her former foster brothers towards a foster sister. But this is Amanda we’re talking about, and she probably won’t realize it right away…

Her real father came to the orphanage and did not recognise her, even when she immediately rushed up and tried to start a charm offensive. He then failed her prediction that he would be back in a week for the sake of her pink and pigtails. Then, when he DID return four months later, he picked up the fish-girl. Which led to a remarkable tantrum and breaking her gameboy or whatever it was.

This will not be pretty. Even if she gets over what I expect will be her “Why did you abandon me?” rage at her mother.

Since we don’t even know if Andi’s aware that this is the same orphanage Selkie came from (not to mention the potential for higher drama, always good in a story), I expect it not to come up for a while.

I’m on a couple of adoption forums and this is tragically more common than anybody would like to think. I’ve heard too many stories from other adoptees about growing up in horribly abusive homes and when they finally manage to find their birth families their birth-moms are horrified beyond words to find out that the baby they were promised up and down would “have a better life” wound up living through hell. Worse yet, when adoptive families decide to ditch the kid they determined is “too much trouble” no one ever ever ever goes and finds the birth families or tries to reunite anybody.

I know a guy who is anti-adoption just because of that. He was abused terribly by his birth family. He ended up finding his mom and brother. He told me he thought children should only belong in orphanages and birth families. I totally understand why he feels that way. However, children can get abused anywhere—even in public schools.

And here is one of the very most important lessons Andi learns about being a parent–especially as someone who’s own parent had major failings. If you want to do your child any good you cannot dwell on the past while you parent. This includes not only the rotton parts of your chilhood, but the mistakes you yourself made as a new parent. But at the same time you use these things to be a better parent. Andi is showing promise in these strips. I am starting to like her more already.

Same here Dondon. Ah! My poor heart!
First a surprise twist in Once Upon A Time last night (fans of OUAT that have not seen it, fix that ASAP) and now Andi having a breakdown over her baby getting screwed by a foster family. I’m going to have to get a feels transplant at this rate. I can’t take the emotional force of these losses and guilts. @.@

I’m guessing Andi’s mum is in for a good boiling.
Also, I’m glad Andi is going to try for Amanda’s sake and not Todd’s. Here’s hope she realizes the whole sticky Selkie situation before she tells Amanda about her dad )=

The only person I can see not being distraught over this is Selkie. She doesn’t even dislike Amanda that much, just her attitude, and she’s empathetic. She’ll probably just accept her as a sister.

Agreed. I’m not sure how she’s going to realize the Selkie thing in advance, but if there’s even a chance to make that less traumatizing than it absolutely has to be I hope she manages it. It’s going to be tough just helping Amanda with the trauma she already has, but she’s shown she’s at least going to be willing to try. And I sorely hope Lillian asks her about the father and if she has any plans there as well.

Gotta remember Todd didn’t recognize Amanda because he thinks she’s dead. He may have even thought – that kid looks SO like Andi…. but since he wants a kid for the sake of having a kid and not for the sake of replacing the stillborn baby he went ahead and picked the kid that he thought needed him the most and that he could empathize with the best.

Erm, just out of curiosity, is Black Sexy Ladies Evil Adult Attractive Cat Lingerie Costume from Pink Queen supposed to be advertising on this page? No big deal if it is, I just thought Selkie was more G-rated.

Dave, I saw what you did there. That is beautiful storytelling on more than one level: Sure, the feels and all; the redemption sought by a character most have disliked and some even despised; etc. But I see the underlay, and the overlay. You clever boy… Amanda told her story to all when she is feeling the most alone, the most outcast, and the most left behind since her time with the Sandersons. She tells her story in the form of a book. At the same time, Andi is here to meet her daughter for the first time and is handed a very similar “book”. Even the little pics of Amanda and the twin devils are similar to Amanda’s own princess biography. And Dave wraps it all up with a nice prose bow with Lilian telling Andi that Amanda needs a new chapter. How utterly perfect in all ways. I bow to you, ser. I bow. Jolly good form!

Re: anti-adoption because of abuse
I’m an adopted child and I suffered no abuse at all – fully loving parents and extended family. And I would bet there are many children who were almost given for adoption that have suffered abuse from their bio parents. I wonder if anyone collected stats…

Three bio sibs my parents adopted were eating out of dumpsters, being beaten on, and molested before the state took them away from their alcoholic mother. My parents still beat on them when they felt justified but their lot did improve 100% in all other categories. Which is why i’ve always been seriously ambivalent about their situation. My parents are abusive but one of those kids was already molested while in foster care. So how do you measure which situation is worse?

It seems at least possible (though more dramatic) that Andi will find out about Selkie and Amanda’s history through Lillian. After all, I would think that prior to releasing Amanda to her mother the orphanage might 1) ask a few questions about Andi’s home and support structure (you would think Todd might come up in that conversation), and 2) follow up on the fact that Andi told them she lied to the baby’s father at the time of adoption. Lillian’s a smart lady and both those kids are memorable. She’ll put it together.

You know, a lot of people have talked about how Amanda will feel that her real dad passed her over, despite the fact he had no idea he was doing so. I wonder how SELKI will feel that Amanda’s mom CAME BACK FOR HER.

I expect the road to family harmony and loving sisterhood will be bumpy indeed – and most of those bumps will be things that you really just can’t explain adequately to someone who is hurting and emotional.