Overrated/Underrated: No Andy Serkis Does Not Deserve Awards, Yes Leanna Decker Does

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes opens today, and on top of all the overwhelmingly positive reviews (it’s currently at 91 percent on rotten tomatoes), people everywhere are losing their minds about Andy Serkis’ performance as Caesar, with the New York Daily News being just one of many outlets saying he deserves an Academy Award nomination as Best Actor. This happened last time he played Caesar too, and before that when he played Gollumn (but not when he played King Kong because is that Jack Black why the hell is he in this).

But he doesn’t deserve an Oscar. Or maybe he does, I have no idea. I mean his Gollum voice was good. I assume. It’s not like I have some frame of reference for what Gollums are supposed to sound like. His version could be some racist caricature for all I know.

And as far as Planet of the Apes, is he really that much better than the other people playing monkeys? From what I’ve seen they look great too. And how much is pure CGI? Because it seems like if capturing the motion was really so important they would just put the suit on an actual monkey and then shoot a flare at it. By all accounts the characters looks incredibly real, and that’s terrific, great job gang, but honestly where does Hollywood think I live? Because they are really overestimating how much I know about monkeys, and how often I’m attacked by them even more so. I have no idea where they got their information but whatever number they have, the truth is like 1 percent of that. I’m not Dian Fossey, I’m just taking your word for it Hollywood, if you say this is what a super-monkey looks like when it rides a horse, I’m really in no position to argue.

So no, even though Andy Serkis is a very good actor on his own right, he does not deserve a Best Actor nomination for this because I’m not gonna watch 35 hours of behind the scenes footage just to figure out if he’s even doing anything.

UNDERRATED:
Keri Russell

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This one is easy, we don’t even have to leave Planet of the Apes, because Keri Russell is a terrific actress. Hopefully this movie helps her get more parts, she’s good in everything. And I say that even though she’s flat chested and I don’t like girls who are, you know, “that way.” Luckily for her that’s not how I judge an actress, I’m able to overlook her physical deformities and appreciate her talent. I’m an amazing man!

OVERRATED/UNDERRATED (MAY OR MAY NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH VERSION)

OVERRATED:
2014 Playmate of the Year Kennedy Summers

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Oh hey speaking of using super-computers to dramatically alter someones appearance, Kennedy Summers looks, um… let’s go with “different” than she does in Playboy (NSFW). First of all her mouth is enormous, and I don’t like that. My penis is about normal I guess, which means in her mouth it could clang around the sides like one of those metal triangles they use in movies to tell cowboys when dinner is ready.

Also, “Kennedy Summers” is an incredibly lazy fake Playmate name. She might as well have called herself “Shae Mate”.

UNDERRATED:
2012 Cybergirl of the Year Leanna Decker

Even though everyone agrees that Leanna Decker is physically perfect, she’s still underrated considering Playboy never even made her a Playmate. God forbid they skip one of the 8 giant toothy blondes that bore me every year. Leanna on the other hand is an ideal 5’4″, with 34DD’s, and red hair, and do you know what’s better than a short girl with huge t*ts and red hair?

Nothing, literally nothing on earth.

That’s why you didn’t say anything when I asked, you just kept reading, because there’s no answer. Oh I can activate your webcam and microphone when you’re on here by the way. That’s how I knew. You consent to it when you register I guess, I’m sure it’s mentioned in there somewhere. Take it up with Vince if you have a problem with it.

(if you want you can follow me on twitter. or don’t, whatever, it’s your life)

I stopped reading WWTDD when Brendon left. I’m so glad Uproxx had the foresight to bring him on to provide some honest comedic relief to the site. You’ve found your stride here, Brendon, and as far as I’m concerned you’ve proven to the idiots who ran your former site what a mistake they made.

I see that I am not the only one that missed brendon’s writing. WWTDD was awesome back in the day. Now its like going to a titty bar that you used to hang out in and seeing your old favorite 10 years and 5 kids later.

Ok, I feel bad. I think he needs one award, because he has been influential to the whole ping-pong bodysuit wearing CGI industry. That being said, Hollywood is characteristically being Hollywood by typecasting this one amazing dude for all their CGI needs, when there are thousands of equally good mime school graduates who could also do this shit.

The problem is, I appreciate good actors, musicans, athletes, whatever, because I’ve seen bad ones and I can tell the difference. No idea what a bad ping pong suit simian looks like, so I have no idea if he’s better than anybody else. His directors may be smitten with his punctuality for all we know.

@ BFinch: Exactly. That is why I nominate him for a special award for being the first dude who was recognized for his ping pong. Not an Oscar, until someone casts him in a non CGI film, and he acts the shit out of it and earns it with his face and his acting chops.

I would just like to announce my opposition to Bren-DON’s opinion. Some people with small minds, just can’t handle small boobs. Well, let me tell you folks, I’m a booster for the itty bitty titty committee, of which I believe Kerri Russel is now the official spokesperson.

Kennedy Summers is like a caricature of Keira Knightly, whose giant mouth scares the fuck out of me, which is why I only watch Keira in dramas, where she is not allowed to smile. Kennedy looks like she got the special effects makeup that they used on Jack Nicholson in that first Batman movie.

That was cathartic. That was also the meanest thing I have ever publicly written about an actor. I just needed to get my giant mouth phobia off of my chest. I apologize and thank all of you, Chef style: simutaneous.

“And I say that even though she’s flat chested and I don’t like girls who are, you know, ‘that way.’ Luckily for her that’s not how I judge an actress, I’m able to overlook her physical deformities and appreciate her talent.”

That might be the worst thing I’ve ever read on this site. I think we were all used to some light sexism around here, but this is just ridiculous.

Light sexism is ok then? How does one define light sexism? Is that talking about Keira Knightley? Can we have medium sexism, so someone like Gina Carrano? Is that ok? Does that mean that Melissa McCarthy can’t be talked about?

Is that what my history books meant when they talk about the horrors of McCarthyism?

well youre not wrong, it is incredibly sexist and awful, but that is the point sometimes. i honestly have no desire to attack random people for no reason, despite what some may think, so with stuff like this i try to phrase it in a way where its so obviously stupid, people will know i dont mean it, theres no real venom or malice behind it. if anything the joke is that im an idiot. i just think awful jokes are funny, like louie ck’s “unless you have a reason, like if you want to fuck somebody and they won’t let you” rape joke for example. not everyone does, but i do, because its just a joke.

And yes, I agree. Alyssa is an absolutely natural looking, gorgeous young brunette who, as you said, is having a legitimate model career outside of Playboy now. Kennedy Summers and her clown face will be forgotten in a year’s time.

That’s part of why no one gives a shit about Playboy anymore. Even when they get legitimately attractive girls, they still choose to promote whatever cookie cutter model best fits their current “image idea”.

Oh and something even funnier, Kennedy Summers has posed naked long, long before Playboy under the name “Lauren” as you can see here:[www.bodyinmind.com]

I feel as if, by definition, if Serkis has yet to be given any awards for his incredible work, then he is the polar opposite of overrated. He is in fact underrated, which is why he doesn’t have any of the there awards.

But every entertainment twat who doesn’t have a vote poots the idea left and right like they’re so profound for making the suggestion. The same kind of people once said Frank Oz needed to be nominated for being Yoda.

Although, I agree with AI that stuff seems more Old Skool WWTDD click ‘bate and not our erudite brand of Vincesanity here at the FilmDrunk.

But even as half-hearted and self-defeated as this new column comes off, I support Brendon upon his return to the family of websites from whence he was banished and hope this carries on into forever, as I am a loyal fan — and found FilmDrunk through WWTDD upon its debut.

that was a touching endorsement, thank you. i hope they get you to write my obituary. but this isnt really a column. im still trying stuff out, seeing what works and what doesn’t. but i only have a 6 week contract here so if you dont like this stuff it might not be an issue much longer.

Sorry if that came off as kind of back handed and shitty, and am touched (for real) to have whatever dialog here with you, as I robustly loved what you did with WWTDD, it was the exactly right funhouse mirror for our truly, deeply fucked up media obsession and star worship…and you are legit hilarious…and the site is a burned out husk in your absence.

The tits were always just a bonus. And it is probably healthy not to read the comments section (although FilmDrunk has perhaps the best comments of any blog, some real comedy…to which I add little but occasional pontification), as that was always the nightmare on WWTDD, the comments seemed to be largely illiterate rape fantasy and were genuinely disturbing. So I could understand perhaps some disconnect with your demographic, your fanbase. An perhaps some dis-ease in returning to the pond.

And sad to hear it is only a six week trial run, as that seems hardly time enough to even get your bearings, much less find your stride. I beseech all those among the powers that be to extend that horizon!!

i know a lot of people here have said stuff like this and i havent replied yet, mostly because i rarely if ever read the comment section, but also because i genuinely hate talking about myself. but i do appreciate it, very much. i know its kind of rude to have not said anything before now and i apologize. compliments freak me out, and when i see bloggers or whatever we’re called making a note of every one or re-tweeting every one under the pretense of saying ‘thank you’, it just feels like very thinly veiled narcissism. like, do you really crave approval that fucking badly? not to get all bane on everyone but i dont like when this becomes about me, i really have zero interest in attention or becoming famous, etc.

ok now im rambling like an idiot but thanks again.

oh and Julri and I broke up a couple months ago. not for any great reason, it was just 4 years and sort of ran its course. shes great though, she really is a terrific person.