Meta

The Cheese is Funny Oscars Live Blog FAQs and Predictions

Since we began live blogging a few weeks ago, we’ve fielded tens of questions, about a variety of topics. We thought it would be easier to address them here along with our Oscar predictions, rather than just call our mothers and explain ourselves. If you have any questions about our frequently ask questions, please ponder them quietly.

Q: Why should I read your live blog as opposed to the other 5 billion Oscar Live Blogs?

Heberble: Cheese is Funny endeavors to provide a unique blend of humor, information, snarkiness and self-deprecation not found on other websites. It also provides 40% of the RDA of Vitamin D and Calcium.

D: You should not.

Q: What is different about your live blog than the other 5 billion Oscar Live Blogs?

Heberble: We care about our reader(s). If there is something on your mind, a deep thought or warm, fuzzy feeling you’d like to share, we’d genuinely like to hear it. Mostly so we can ridicule it. Incessantly. But that’s how we show we care. And believe me, we care a lot.

D: Most other blogs give you a running commentary/summary. We operate under the assumption that you are already watching the events we’re blogging…and you have something funny right on the tip of your tongue, and rather than expend the energy to formulate your thought, you can just read it here. Plus, we add the extra bonus of me knowing absolutely nothing about pop culture. My only exposure to news is AppFan.

Prediction: What will win Best Feature Film?

D: Have to go with The Artist. Even though I’ve never watched this awards show, every year I hear people bitching about some artsy fartsy film no one has ever heard of winning. I’ve never heard of it, and the title screams artsy fartsy.

Beat Raiders of the Lost Ark...as if...

Heberble: It won’t be The Descendants, that’s for sure. By its very nature, that film is derivative. I’m going to go with Hugo. Primarily because it is based upon a book that someone in my family has read. (Of course, this logic works for The Help, too. But Hugo was three letters shorter and therefore easier for me to type).

Prediction: How many references to Whitney Houston’s passing will be made?

D: Ummm…what? Whitney died. I swear they did not mention it on AppFan all week. Crack is whack.

Heberble: I will say two. One of them will involve a clip of Whitney and Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard. Frankly, this was the only way a clip from that movie would ever appear during the Academy Awards.

Q: How do you feel about Billy Crystal returning as host?

D: The guy from Soap? He used to be hilarious…kind of lost his appeal when he did The Legend of Curly’s Gold…and really pissed at him for not bending Meg Ryan over the table in the restaurant during her interpretive orgasm.

Heberble: Pretty sure he’s dead? Crack is whack.

Prediction: Best Actor?

D: Tough one. Two of the guys (Bichir and Dujardin) I’ve never even heard of…the other three, unless you’re my age you probably have no idea who they are. Gary Oldman: known mostly for being the bad guy in Air Force One and the Fifth Element. George Clooney: paved the way for the McE.R. dudes (he was in the Return of the Killer Tomatoes movie, too, I think.) Brad Pitt: Has he done anything since A River Runs Through It other than adopt children? Hats off to him, though, for hooking up w/ Jessica Rabbit.

Team Brad! Team Tom! Team Brad! Team Tom!

Heberble: I’m going with Pitt. Us dashing, devilishly handsome, 40-something men have to stick together.

D: …yeah…what Doug said…Team Brad

Q: Most surprising snub?

D: Another tough one. (Who the hell is coming up with these questions?) Bridesmaids… Harry Potter Part XVI…I’m going with Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. This is some of Cruise’s best work since Risky Business. I have no idea how the Academy keeps overlooking him. (insert short joke here)

Heberble: I’m going to go with Adele here. She pretty much dominated the Grammys and yet not a single Oscar nomination.

Prediction: Best Actress?

Heberble: Finding it hard to go with Glenn Close, as she plays a man and I am uncertain whether she should more properly be nominated in the Best Actor category. Meryl Streep aleady has too many gold statues. I don’t know who Michelle Williams is, but I do know who Marilyn Monroe is. Not going to matter, she won’t win. That leaves Viola Davis from The Help (which I did not, repeat, did not see) and Rooney Mara from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Rooney Mara is actually related to the owners of the Pittsburgh Steelers (hence the Rooney) and the New York Giants (hence Mara). True Story. That is 10 Lombardi Trophies between them. Time to add an Academy Award.

"I don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin' no babies."

D: I checked the Vegas odds. They are taking bets at 3:1 that someone will swear during their acceptance speech. I didn’t see The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, but everyone I know that has a dragon tattoo has a pretty foul mouth. Plus, she uses her stage name in real life. (I hear strippers cuss a lot, too.) Letting the boys from Vegas pick this one, so put your hands together and get your dollar bills out for MARAAAAAAAAA ROOOOOONNEEYYYYYYY….these ladies are working for tips and tips alone…

Q: First cheese reference?

Heberble: I’m going to guess that Billy Crystal (from the grave) makes some sort of reference to cheese prior to introducing the presenters for the Best Animated Feature. With options like Kung Fu Panda 2, Rango and A Cat in Paris there is bound to be cheese involved, even if it is called fromage.

D: Trick question. Some of the awards are given earlier in the day. (Maybe earlier in the week/month even…hey, you don’t expect us to actually do research, do you?) One has to assume that cheese is mentioned during the Best Caterer acceptance speech. So, we’ll never know. As far as this show goes, predicting a Doritos commercial in the second block…they’ve been running the heck out of the one with the guys partying behind the door/house with no walls spot…even though I just don’t get it.

So, there you have it. If you feel we left out any important predictions or you have a question that you frequently ask, please feel free to reach out to us. We aim to serve. See you Sunday.