How to Survive in the Modern Day Workplace

Coworkers Grow Increasingly Frustrated As Efforts To Find Dirt On New Hire Come Up Short

Eugene, OR – After an exhaustive search of Charles Yang’s social media accounts failed to reveal a single embarrassing comment, follow or selfie, employees at local marketing firm Genius Marketing found themselves even more agitated by the new hire’s total normality and complete lack of affronting behavior. Yang’s manager, Shannon Millsap, told coworkers that she was completely disappointed by her team’s inability to find a single awkward tick or odd mannerism, and that at this point she would settle for finding out he has an out-of-place bumper sticker on his car, “even like a McCain/Palin campaign bumper sticker.”

An anonymous employee reported that coworkers were initially off-put by how well Yang made casual small-talk during his welcome lunch, but brushed his performance aside because the restaurant didn’t serve alcohol. However, after Yang performed completely fine in his first three meetings, their concern spiked exponentially.

“Charles – if that is his real name, which, according to multiple police databases, it is – just talked in that meeting when he had something to contribute,” stated the employee. “Doesn’t he know that everyone else in the meeting is keeping a mental scorecard of how many times you talk, and that whoever talks the most wins?

“He may think he’s got us all fooled, but I’ll tell you this: no one normal decides to get into the marketing industry, only sociopaths that want to tell everyone us what they should like.”