Calm down dear: the wit and wisdom of Michael Winner

Wrinkled rake, tireless gourmand and shameless name-dropper:
it is no surprise that during his nearly 60 year-long career
the columnist and director Michael Winner graced the pages of
GQ multiple times. To mark his death at the age of 77,
here are a collection of Winner's finest one-liners from our
archives.

Michael Winner on…

Having no regrets:
"Really I've had the most incredible time. I've befriended and
worked with some of the greatest actors in the history of film. I
was on top for a very long time and I still stagger along now. So I
can't complain about the hand life's dealt me. As I get in the
private jet with the girlfriend I can't think, 'Oh dear, there's
someone out there who dislikes me.'"

Filming The Games in 1970:
"We had to make the stadium look as if it were packed with 80,000
people but the budget only allowed for a couple thousand so we used
plastic dummies. And then some bloke from the mayor's office turns
up and says that if we want the streets closed for filming we'd
have to come up with $20,000 to ease the way. We did and the city
was closed for us. I think the mayor was sent to jail some years
later for corruption."

His body of work:
"I am unlikely to invent the cure for cancer. But, you know, the
other day Marlon Brando phoned me up and he says, 'I read your
columns every week at three in the morning,' because we fax them to
him. 'And often,' Marlon says, 'that's the only time I laugh all
week.' If you can have cheered people up a bit as you wandered
through life then I think you have done something worthwhile."

Filming The Nightcomers in 1971:
"Marlon Brando was working for me in Cambridgeshire when I spotted
a large, bearded man behind the barrier. 'Isn't that Francis Ford
Coppola?' I asked Marlon. 'Yes,' he said. 'Shall we let him
through?' I suggested. 'No,' said Marlon."

How he lost his virginity:
"With a rabbi's daughter from Golders Green. I was 18 and had
taken her out to the cinema. During the film, I put my hand on her
leg and slowly crept it up. She grabbed it and put it on her bosom
under the sweater and I thought: "Oh Christ, I'm going to have to
do this." I was in utter terror but she was definitely a major
nymphomaniac."

How he would like to be remembered:
"As somebody who cheered people up. On the set of my last film,
Chris Rea had these "Moron" badges made and we gave them out for
various instances of moronicity. I think I got the most."