After attending Angelic Breath Healing, a practice created by Madeline Giles, a spiritual worker who holds a master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology, I realized one very important thing — meditating is really hard, both physically and emotionally.

Angelic Breath Healing aims to teach that all answers are found within. Using methods and teachings that connect students with their angels and guides, those who practice this form of meditation often find themselves as happier, healthier beings.

I was going through a rough patch in my life — loss of a best friend, family problems, health issues, and under a ton of financial stress. I tried everything — self help books, psychics, crystals, prayers, magic candles, you name it. Although each of those things I just listed did keep me in a positive-ish state of mind, they were hard for me to believe in.

There was one day where I thought carrying a magic crystal was the reason some dude asked me for my phone number in line at a coffee shop. There was one day where I believed that my $15 psychic healed me because she told me, “In a past life you were a warrior.” There was another day where my magic candle legit blew up in flames and I considered myself the devil. And then, there was that one month where I read 14 self help books. I’m not joking… I’ve tried it all. Although I could respect all of those spiritual experiences, I knew those journeys were short and that, for me, they wouldn’t last forever.

One day, one of my friends called me to join her in a special meditation class. “Angelic Breath Healing,” it was called. The class started out scary, but normal. We pulled two angel cards from the Angel Tarot Card deck — I pulled Archangel Ariel, a symbol of inner strength, and The High Priestess, a symbol of trust in one’s own intuition. Both made a ton of sense in my life. I started crying.

Next, the class was directed to lay out our blankets, cover ourselves in more blankets, close our eyes, set our intentions, and begin a very active meditation. It was not restful, let me tell you. The entire meditation consisted of breathing heavily — in and out using some crazy breathing pattern that I cannot remember. My body began to cramp. My arms and legs were no longer in my control. I sweat profusely all over the damn blanket that I didn’t have the power to remove off of my body. The teacher noticed — she came over and put her hands on my head. I was surprised I could feel her… I was in severe pain. She said out loud to the entire class: “Let go. Don’t reject the angels.” I was trying not to, but I’m a control freak, and it was really hard.

I attempted to go as deep into my mind as I possibly could, the physical pain was too much for me to handle. It only made things worse. I was told the pain was happening because I “didn’t believe” or “couldn’t let go,” but my body ached in places I didn’t even think existed, and that made it really hard to “let go.” In fact, for an entire week after the class, I could barely move. While Angelic Breath Healing seems like the magical kind of activity a sad girl would 100% enjoy, it definitely was not a perfect experience.

So, why did I, out of every single person in the class, end up the only one in pain? Because I did it wrong! See, the breath sequence is a bit tricky. Everyone seemed to have memorized it, but I was just following along as best I could. While releasing a ton of air from my body into the room, I forgot to uhh… breathe some air back into my body. So, that’s where I majorly went wrong.

“Angelic Breath Healing classes are a safe, sacred space to connect with your angels through breath. Breathwork is an active meditation that cleanses emotions stuck in the body and raises the vibration to a level where it’s easy to experience Angelic intervention,” the website reads. “Angelic Breath Healing is here to easily connect us to our Higher Selves so we can become all we are meant to be.” And for everyone else in the class, that seemed to be the case.

Here’s what my friend, the one who took me to the class, experienced during the same meditation:

“After the intense active breath cycle, we were told to let go and to find our natural rhythm of breathing. With my eyes still closed, I saw a burst of blue light. I then felt myself gliding over ocean water, feeling the cool sensation brush against the bottoms of my feet. Call me crazy, but I know what I saw. I glided straight into a white light, with hints of yellow and orange beaming from it. That was when I entered a white room and began hearing voices whisper things to me that I really needed to hear. ‘You’re smart enough to write your book.’ ‘You’re exactly where you should be.’ ‘Stop blaming yourself for other’s mistakes.’ I opened my eyes earlier than the class was directed.

After everyone opened their eyes, we were prompted to gather around in a circle to share our experiences. From a mother crying because she had spoken to her dead son, to a man announcing he had rid of his writer’s block and figured out the end of his third novel, to my friend crying because she was upset that her body physically rejected any form of relaxation, the entire room had discovered something new about themselves. It was beautiful. Whether or not those were angels speaking to me or I simply gained access to my subconscious, I’m grateful for what I heard, saw, and felt.”

Although I didn’t connect to any higher beings, talk to any angels, or meditate for even one second, I did learn a major lesson about myself: If I don’t let go of control, I’ll miss out on some amazing experiences this world has to offer. And that’s worth it enough to consider going back again… maybe.

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