Innuendos about Watergate, Roosevelt’s big stick, and trickle-down economics abound. Finally: Now you can feel (somewhat) educated while you giggle at penis jokes. Who could’ve known that the combination of old white men and sexy times would work so well?

Ah, good old Presidents’ Day: the day we’ve come to associate with annoying furniture promotions and car commercials that feature some funky, swanky version of “Hail to the Chief.” Oh yeah, and the long weekend — four days of no class and tons of play.

Of course, these events are all exciting, (who doesn’t love a good deal at Raymour & Flanigan?!) but we mustn’t forget the true spirit of Presidents’ Day. Now that the weekend’s over, it’s time to think of why we honored the 44 men who have led our country in grave and good times alike: in war and peace, economic booms and busts, and in domestic tranquility and tumult. Respect.

To be presidential is to be stern, stately and dignified. But baby, they weren’t born this way: a HuffPost Comedy slideshow reveals that some of our former commanders-in-chief were once rebellious, young, wild and free and did some pretty crazy things before their time in the Oval Office. In fact, we think they would have fit in pretty well at Brown. Let us tell you why that is the case:

1. Chester A. Arthur was a sharp dresser, night owl. From prepsters to hamsters, students are pretty chic up here on College Hill. Of course, we’re nightowls, too…unless it’s after 2 am.

3. Ulysses S. Grant got a speeding ticket…on his horse. All bets are on that he got this speeding ticket either at the intersection of Brown and George or at Brown and Waterman. We only hope that he was stopped by a DPS officer on a Segway. Swag on.

You aren’t going to Mardi Gras for the long weekend, and you’re not going home either. Instead of watching TV shows in your bed all day (which is more difficult since the demise of Megavideo), go out and explore Providence and beyond. There’s really a lot to do beyond College Hill…

Ice skating at Kennedy Plaza costs $6 and is open until 10 PM.

1) Go ice-skating at Kennedy Plaza downtown. Who cares if you haven’t skated since you were 9 years old? It’s like riding a bike…you never forget. And even if you do, worst-case scenario is you fall on your face in front of some Providence locals, big deal.

But let’s get real for a minute. Maybe Brown is just trying to make a statement and return President’s Day to its truthful origins. George Washington was born on February 22, but the Uniform Monday Holiday Act (honestly; it’s real) ensures that the holiday will never actually fall on his birthday. (It always hits sometime between Feb. 15 and 21.)

So thank you, Brown, for teaching us the real meaning of Washington’s birthday.

This one is for the history buffs, the future politicians, those of you who have a thing for American presidents, or those who are simply curious: In honor of President’s Day, Nerve.com has ranked the sexiest American presidents from 1 to 43.

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The latest and greatest news, commentary, culture, entertainment, sports and miscellany from College Hill and beyond, brought to you by The Brown Daily Herald. If you have questions, comments, tips, ideas or want to write for us, shoot us an e-mail at blog@browndailyherald.com.