Valentine’s Day 2018 has just ended and it reminded me of how I used to be.

I used to crave romance. I wanted someone to worship me. I wanted to be put on a pedestal. I wanted the heart-rending passion that came with a strong connection. I wanted to be pursued by someone I loved/was attracted to. I wanted men to dream about me and crave me. It was all about me, really.

When I look back, I can see that it was just a function of the ego – the part of the ego that wants validation and wants other people to worship it. In essence, it is not a very healthy way to be.

And it gives our power away to the other person. When all your fantasies rely on someone else doing something (in this case, the other person pursuing/craving/wanting/lusting), it is not from the soul. This kind of need is from the ego. And you give your power away to them. You’re no longer centred.

What can we do to get out of this mode?

As always… the answer is energy work and getting rid of our blocked emotional luggage. If you’re not sure where to start, read this.

So, Valentine’s Day 2018 was quite different for me from Valentine’s Day 2017. Last year I was craving soul mate number 2. I was constantly wondering whether he would contact me (he didn’t), and I was unhealthily consulting the tarot, asking what was happening with him. It is the biggest connection I have had. He ran (and got engaged to someone else). Once again, what I “needed” (the relationship and the worshipping) was taken away from me… and it showed me that I really didn’t need it to begin with.

This year, I barely gave Valentine’s Day a second thought. After tightening up my energy work disciplines (you can read about that here), I am better than ever. I no longer crave a relationship or the thrills associated with it – I can now see that this is just an unhealthy function of the ego. I am just happy and powerful being me, without needing anyone else worshipping me. Just as the universe intended…

Something that I feel so strongly about since doing energy work is integrity. I am sure that I had some integrity pre-transformation – I mean, I would try and do the right thing – but now it is on another level entirely.

Pre-energy work, I used to be honest, but sometimes I would not be so honest if a little lie would serve me better.

Now, I tend to be totally honest, even if I get nothing out of it.

For example, a year or so ago I broke the clothes dryer in the property I was renting. I had not cleaned out the lint filter for a while and it overheated, tripping some kind of circuit. People told me to lie… to say it just broke… to say the lint filter had been clean. And it was tempting, because it might save me money to act innocent. But in the end, integrity won out. I confessed that it was my fault, I paid for the repairs (which wasn’t much anyway) and I had a clean conscience. That alone is worth the money.

I meet so many people who say they are ‘honest’… but often, they are only honest when it serves them. That’s not integrity. They’re only honest if they will get something out of it.

You may get away with something – maybe save some money or save face – but in the end, the universe is watching.

To put it very simply, boundaries are lines in the sand that represent a point where, if crossed, you will become an absolute mess. The point of having healthy boundaries is to avoid compromising yourself to the extent that you become a raving maniac.

Boundaries will vary from person to person. For example, I was communicating with a guy who was hit-and-miss with texting me, and he would come back apologising, telling me he forgot to reply, or he forgot to hit “send”. He also had a habit of cancelling on me… there ways always an excuse.

I always give the benefit of the doubt and a number of chances, so he had oodles of opportunities to prove he was reliable.

Now if he was telling the truth (which is another question entirely), this behaviour is fine. He is entitled to text back when he pleases! He is allowed to be as flaky as he wants! But after this happened again and again, a boundary was triggered for me. After numerous chances, I could no longer accept this type of communication discrepancy. If I had continued, I would have been a raging, seething bundle of fire and this would have gone on for as long as the relationship continued. So that was the end of that fledgling relationship. He did nothing wrong per se, but if I had stayed in that situation, I would have compromised myself. Many other people would have been fine with this type of communication, and that is perfectly fine and healthy, but not me.

However, most people do not enforce their boundaries until it is too late and they’re already in the “raving maniac” zone. They listen to the person’s excuses… they give the benefit of the doubt one too many times… they rationalise things…

Why? Because they are “in need”.

They need the sex, they need the relationship, they need the validation.

If you don’t need those things (if you’re emotionally balanced), you can maintain those healthy boundaries.

I remember back to the time when I used to not be able to deal with much. I used to avoid many situations where I might feel certain emotions.

After my son was born, I was so scared of losing him that I couldn’t watch or read any movie, TV show or news story where that had happened. I couldn’t go near that subject matter… it was a huge trigger.

After soul mate #1 ran, for a long time I couldn’t stand to see people out on dates or people having babies or couples kissing. I wanted those things so badly myself that I couldn’t bear to see it in other people… it just reminded me of what I didn’t have.

That all changed once I did energy work with Steve Gunn. He taught me how to deal with any emotion, so I didn’t need to avoid certain feelings any more. I can deal with anything now, so it is really the ultimate freedom.

It’s not a pipedream… it is totally achievable. In fact, it is the natural state for all living things, except we humans have made things more complicated by teaching our kids that there are certain emotions we should avoid (eg sad, angry, lust). And it is the avoiding of these emotions that causes them to build up, to the point where we can’t function any more. And we get triggered and we can no longer enjoy the moment.

If I go on a date now, I am painfully aware of any imbalances that are present.

When two souls have similar energies, there is harmony… everything flows… there is balance (unless there are lessons to be learnt, in which case it can be a rollercoaster).

Your communication styles are similar. The physical desires are well matched. You fit each other like a glove. It is EASY.

Then there are dates where you might have a HUGE sexual attraction and get along well, but straight away you notice things that will annoy you.

Take, for instance, my last date. Great chemistry, he is super hot and attractive, we can talk about anything… but his communication style is foreign to me. He is hot and cold. He is easily distracted (unlike me). My instinct says that this relationship doesn’t have legs… it will not last long. Why? Because I will get sick of his different energy. Don’t get me wrong: there is nothing wrong with his energy, it is just different from mine and it will be “uncomfortable” before too long (if it isn’t already!).

It will come to a choice: I can create a relationship on imbalance (which is what most relationships are created on – people are so consumed with NEED that they put up with fundamental differences that will drive them NUTS). Or I can enjoy it while it is still fun and healthy for both, then when the differences become too uncomfortable for me/us, we can go our separate ways.

Even though we are very different, it is still important to dip our toes into these kinds of relationships. They are just as important as ones that have more longevity in them. We will learn from each other… we take something away from every interaction we have. So don’t avoid them, but recognise their used-by dates.

Being objective is crucial to energy work – you will never get down to the really deep, buried emotions and release them if you’re not ignoring the rabbiting on of the ol’ brain.

You need to OBSERVE what the mind is doing and IGNORE it. You can’t stop it from saying the nonsense it comes up with, so don’t even try to – but you can ignore it. If you don’t ignore it, you will feed it and then you won’t be able to tap into your intuition!

Being objective is using evidence in your decisions, ideas, thoughts. You get this evidence from your senses: sight, sound, touch and emotions. Being objective is also coming to a conclusion only when all other possibilities have been exhausted – if you make a decision or conclusion when you haven’t ruled out other possibilities, it is not objective.

This brings me to what I want to say about people making judgements. I was chatting to a guy over the weekend and we got along well. He gave me his number and said call or text any time. I didn’t reply because I was distracted by other things at the time, and the next day I didn’t reply because again, I was distracted. Finally, today (only 48 hours later) I sent him a text suggesting we meet for coffee. His reply: “No thanks, try the next guy.”

Huh?

I said “Ok, I’m sorry if I said something or did something to upset you. Take care.’

His response: “I just don’t want to go around chasing someone who is not interested.”

So, because I had not replied straight away, he made a judgement – he judged that I was not really interested, perhaps because I didn’t contact him straight away, which was not true. He did not consider I might have been busy. He possibly also made judgements about the kind of person I was… who knows what went on in his mind. And because I did something different from what HE would do or what HE considered was “the right way to do things”, I was judged and cast off.

But judgements are, more often than not, incorrect. His judgement was not objective… he did not consider all the possibilities of why I did not reply straight away. He chose one possible reason and ran with it.

Ultimately, if we listen to the judgements in our head, we do ourselves no favours.

Everyone goes on about how the love between twin flames/soul mates is unconditional.

Now, what does “unconditional love” mean? Nope… it doesn’t mean love that just won’t go away, no matter how badly the person treats you. It actually means love without any conditions… and that includes the condition of having a relationship, or the condition that they love you back!

So, do you still yearn for your twin flame or soul mate? Do you still feel the pull? If your answer is yes, you still have work to do.

If you have transcended what you need to transcend, you won’t want them any more! And you will no longer feel the pull. You will have PEACE.

How can you achieve this peace? Do the right ENERGY WORK.

Not sure where to start? Read about my own energy work experiences here.