Homotextual: Hunter

"Somewhere between Lincoln-Douglas, Kennedy-Nixon, and the current Brady Bunch incarnations of the form, I cannot help but feel we have lost substance. Perhaps I am merely getting old; perhaps future presidential elections will be based on a singing competition, after which every American can text message their vote to a 1-900 number, with the proceeds going towards the families of all those who committed suicide during the campaign season rather than again subject themselves to listening to it, and perhaps all involved will be fine with that process. As for me, why fight the trend? I have my own proposals for more entertaining debates, and they involve cattle prods, impersonations of famous literary characters, and a unique game I have invented called "fish bowling". If you can elucidate a clear strategy for nuclear nonproliferation while perfectly flattening a thawed perch using a fifteen pound ball, who am I to say you are not presidential material?"

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