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F*ck that

When I started out on this scribbling lark all those years ago, I tended to be so squeaky clean that a bishop could have read this from the pulpit without turning a hair.

But f*ck that, I thought. This isn’t the way I talk or think. My thoughts certainly aren’t quite that puritanical, so I started to write as I think, if not quite how I speak.

That went on for a while but then I began to question whether or not I was being a little hypocritical. After all, if I pepper my scribbles with f*cks and c*nts then people know precisely what I am saying and will instantly insert the correct form as they read. So what is the point? Calling someone a c*nt is precisely the same as calling them a cunt, so sticking asterisks all over the place isn’t going to prevent anyone from being offended? It is just hypocrisy.

I decided to drop the hypocrisy. I decided to go for the full blown frontal assault and use the words as they appear in any respectable dictionary.

But why use profanity at all?

Two reasons. One is that that is the way I think, though my spoken verbiage may be slightly modified. It is a habit. It is a drop of punctuation to emphasise a point. The main reason though is the utter crap I have to deal with on a daily basis. I defy a saint not to swear in modern society where anyone with any level of imagined authority seem to feel free to rob me blind and dictate precisely how I should live my life. When the world is being run by brain-dead, incompetent idiots, it is difficult to confine oneself to the language of polite society.

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F*ck that — 37 Comments

My verbal output of cursing depends entirely on the company I'm keeping, and can be zero if the situation demands, as I'm sure is the case for most people. But when I'm having a beer with a mate, my language becomes a bit more colourful. Again, same as most I'd think.

Putting bloody asterisks in place of vowels has always struck me as being fucking stupid. If you're going to write it, write it. Otherwise don't bother. Everyone knows what the asterisk is standing in for, so….Why? The odd thing is, though, that a daily newspaper can, in an article, get away with writing "f*ck", but if they print "fuck", it is guaranteed there will be howls of protest from the Righteous! Think of THE CHEEELDREN! they will cry…

I also find my language changes depending on the subject under discussion. For some reason I fail to understand, when I discuss politics my language tends to turn quite vitriolic and flowery?

It does amuse me the way newspapers treat the subject. As far as I am concerned the only use for asterisks is when trying to bypass a "language filter" in say a forum. Anything else is paying lip service to the puritans.

Eating my dinner with a knife and f**k in the company of my uncle and **nt! Heh!

A bit of an awkward opening line, don't you think? Probably an edit didn't come out the way you intended is my guess. Happens to me all the time.

"…I tended to be so squeaky clean that a bishop could have read this from the pulpit without turning a hair."

Stretching it a bit aren't you, mate? Probably should read a few those first posts. Sure, you didn't use all those profane words as much as you do now but the implication of those words were about as obvious as mule in the bathroom.

"…After all, if I pepper my scribbles with f*cks and c*nts then people know precisely what I am saying…"

I don't recall you ever using the terms f*ck(s) or c*nt(s) spelled with an asterisk before now. So why start? End of conundrum.

"It is a drop of punctuation to emphasise a point."

These terms are are actually defined as "sentence enhancers" I believe.

"…it is difficult to confine oneself to the language of polite society."

"Polite society" is a myth and anyone who tells you different can go f*ck themselves.

"Some people say I swear too much.

Others say I don’t swear enough."

Sounds like you've hit a good middle ground, so why muck it up? I suggest a poll. The results might be f*cking interesting.

The problem with using profanity in your posts is you can easily get to the point of using it too much whereby your content is lost in a sea of profanity. Now, if you were just the average blogger (read: Can't write for sh*t) it probably wouldn't matter. But you're hardly the average blogger and you're a damn good writer so I'd be careful about using too many of these sentence enhancers per post.

I do find that my FoP [Frequency of Profanity] varies considerably depending on the chosen subject. At times I can be quite restrained? Other times such as when those fucking cunts in the EU or gubmint get up my nose the FoP factor increases exponentially.

Oh, I did re-read some of your first ones but I was having so much fun with the comment I couldn't help myself. And I did say that I didn't recall you using any…etc, etc. You know how memory fades with age (mumble, mumble, whut?)

And yes, you ebb and flow depending on the subject at hand but as far as avoiding politics? Let your blood pressure decide that for you.

The first time I saw you use the word "cunt", I knew you were a "normal" fella. More people should use profanity…sometimes it's the only way to get a point across! Enough with the Do-Gooders, Bleeding Hearts and Politically Correct People! Jeez, they're starting to "fucking piss me off!"

Grandad…..I have no idea how many subscribers you have to your daily musings, and it doesn't really matter. What matters is that we're all still following you in spite of your "spelling errors" and "improper punctuation". Keep up the good work!

Intriguingly, I've noticed that Brendan O'Carroll's diction has been subtly modified of late. He/She now says 'fooking' instead of 'fecking'. He's obviously squeezed the concept of a good fuck past the BBC and has polished the word back to it's original state. As opposed to Prince Charles of course who says, "phuque" when Camilla won't pass him the butter. Where would we be without a wee sweary?

Now that you have got me going… you must remember that the country that became 'Great Britain' started life as a Celtic Christian Irish colony in 500 AD in Argyll. Surely British achievements, the Industrial Revolution, the Commonwealth, and all that are, at their root, Irish achievements.