Tag Archives: mastering

In this episode I share the backstory of the soon to be released track Alien Lover Goddess

My Non Verbatim Show Notes:

This new thing, which is a track that I produced, that I am madly in love with, and I’m gonna give the back story now, the dual serpenting, kundalini timelines of creativity and magic in a time of chaos

going back to late december I get a text from one of my dearest beloved brothers of punk, metal, and psytrance

been in the trenches in metal and punk, the real trenches of madness and violence and alcohol abuse, bad, crazy madness, chaos, we survived that in those trenches together in band, then reunited on the dance floors of psytrance

both of us discovering that this medicine of a music is so healing for us, a lot of refugees from punk and metal, transcended and ascended from the mosh pit to the stomping of the psytrance experience

magical bond with those who have the background, went through 80s and 90s era punk and metal debauchery, not spiritual, political but disembodied

he one day sent a text, want to produce a track for compilation of california psytrance producers, fuck yeah

unprofessional, amateur attempts at making beats and tracking, mentor, nuno cabral of ninesense and manipulation, a cofounder, angel investor of spiritual capital into tantra punk

back bone, co producer, his efforts along with calvin from photon AD, those two men…if tantra punk is the feminine shakti, they were the shiva that brought form,

all in the romance of myself and sufiana, build sonic temple for the vibrations of her sanksrit singing and bollywood dancing,the beauty and magic

tantra punk has been not without this musical romance, musical adventure story of the worship of the goddess sufiana, goddess in the flesh

I want to be careful not to over deify, or devi-fy, but what is a horny geek boy to do with what’s ever left of my horny geek boy hanging on to the last vestiges of that youthful enchantment with the female mystique, before it’s more and more of a struggle to maintain testosterone, and feel the newness of new relationship energy, excitement and love, and romance, to not take it for granted, to not take women for granted, to feel in love all the time

psytrance is a huge part of sustaining that love, that bass, powerful way to keep romantic love alive, story of me and sufiana

the story of tantra punk, the woman the myth the legend, and the man who humbly worships that woman, that is the story of sufiana and tantra punk, it’s laced in the sexorcism the tantric opera documentary series

all in devotion not just her, but the teachings and the wisdom of the ancient shaktism path of tantra that she exudes and represents and brings into modern times with a beautiful voice and humanness, human frailty, imperfections

all that said I was ask to make a track, and building upon the successes of and failures of 3 albums, after 3 albums of proto, like garage days type albums, hope I can say garage days are over-ish, hopefully have matured in still very early stages of being a wanna be psytrance producers, aspirant, with help with real wizards of this tech

I did make a track for this compilations, in the words of osho, wildly possessed

my holidays were spent in a beautiful sacred place

I broke a taboo, my toes were touching a beautiful kali painting that a friend made while listening to one of my podcasts, I was giving deep report on my union with the goddess kali, while listening she painted the most exquisite wild orgasmic depiction of Kali ever and that’s saying a lot if you know what I’m talking about

she made this piece sent it to me for safe keeping, had it as the center piece of whatever environment I’ve been in ever since

I’ve been told you’re not supposed to even point your feet at the goddess altar, but I accidentally broke that taboo and noticed it and thought whoa, this could be very assuming and potentially narcissistic to say, but we all want to be loved on the by the goddess when we discover her and chant to and invoke and sing the praise and hymns to her,

the most endearing moment, at a beautiful kali temple, one of the most charming devotees, I had to discipline myself not to fawn over, was saying good bye to everybody and leaving after the puja, having just a slight bit of technical difficulties with the mechanism of the door, she said something so beautifully, “i believe that ma does not want me to leave yet”

I’m like oh my fuckin god you, I know the feeling where you just want to have this pronoiac, conspiracy theory where she’s there with you at all times, thick and thin, good and evil,

you could say the same thing about christers, jesus freaks, everything is the wrath or the blessing or whatever,

its sweet and charming and endearing for me as mostly a skeptic, and having been secular most of my life to be like okay, I love that feeling of like, yeah maybe there is goddess watching over us from a distance, goddess in us, invited to possess us, and what sufiana brings which is the genuine article, I can only be like Indiana Jones marveling at the work of art, revelations, or shit

in the words of a great black magician, the ah ha quickly becomes the oh shit

under estimated the truth of these ancient wisdom traditions

we have those types of experiences all the time

priceless moments

so I admit that I maybe over extrapolating my union and connectedness when I say I’m starting to dig into producing this track

channeled felt the flowing through, have felt like a ouija board effect, what is moving my hand, cadence of notes something I’ve never heard before, but later find a chant online, they’re singing the notes and cadence of notes of what I was possessed to produce on the fl studio platform, melody beats, been there, I am opening up , I am a devotee, this is my sonic goddess temple

the experience of being, opening up allowing this to happen, feeling being animated, sort of like the calypso in beetle juice, not scary, fun, bizarre, anchor into that moment, the dinner party, possessed, making beats for the goddess and loving it,

benevolent version of ghost busters 2, art is magic, painting she produced will be unveiled at some point, sacred and private to me

for whatever it’s worth maybe maybe not, it was exquisite to feel I’m here by the cemetery, auspicious time of year, heart energy into his track day after day after day, artist zone, tuning everything else out, kind of a loner, solitary sovereign person, didn’t feel deprived of human connection, happy to go deep with track go deep with goddess, attempting to create this cartography of the beautiful flesh of the goddess, her heart of hearts, her layers of beauty, density, wisdom, ability to elucidate and shed light on demon nests in chakras and soul, simultaneously overtake them, consume them dissolve them, emboss herself out into these beautiful blackberry feminine alien insectoid black widow, dragon fly, queen bee architectures of aliennes and beauty, and that is what my attempt with a number of my kali puja on psytrance tracks have been an attempt to do, enjoying cannabis in the process

fun part of psychedelic trance when you’re not on the psychedelics when you’re producing it, you’re almost like painting in the dark because you kind of know okay I want this to harmonize with this and I want this to collide with this and create an emergent property of

vibrations and sound and percussions , don’t know exactly how all

you’re building that ride, can only imagine from futile state, designing sonically in a soberish state, with the thrill and excitement of what magnificent mystery is gonna unfold when you can enjoy it and go for a ride

after you do some solo beta testing, refine revise, how you need to garden and design, adapt and refine it through iteration

timeline, not too much of a deadline, let it flow natural phases bass tracks, melodies

calvin, his method of producing a track, the heart of the track a million things layered on top of each other, the most dense experience, you’ve been entraining to trance loops, the kundalini starts to move through ear drums, you’re buckling up into this astral vessel, getting acclimatized tot he sound of the thrusters, the rudders, however you want to think of it, percussions, lower frequencies, then you’re moving, then the melodies is whats coming through your field while you’re going into hyper drive, through worm wholes, through vortices, designing a theme park ride of inner journeying, outer worlds, inner worlds

heart of track, not always, advice I took to hear,t at least know where to start, you could, just have melody come to me, humm it record it, then map it out on to melody, keep dressing it up, to where all layers are happening, continue to add a few, most intense points, most intense passages, build all that up, then it’s a graduated experience, drops, build ups, lazers, effects, you strip them down, then you’re basically doing, when you’re making love, as per my how to love like a god training course, theirs a beauty in teasing a vagina with your penis, varying the strokes, speed, thrusting patterns, phasing in and out, of more and less stimulation

peak of psytrance experience, I’m making out , both of my nipples are being sucked, being enveloped/penetrating, something’s tickling or penetrating other parts of me, and I’m getting a foot massage, and I’m under a water full, orgasmically, creating this massive big bang ultimate experience, approaching those vistas, high points of these mountain tops, peaks of the psytrance experience if you just throw that in someones face, it doesn’t work the same

that’s the whole dance,,the foreplay, in a track the intro is the foreplay, and outro is the after glow, the climax is somewhere and there may be multiple

having those heart thumping eargasmic experiences, I strive to achieve that with better form, structure, sound engineering, mechanics, this track at this point is the crown jewel of my productions

maybe it will be the last I’ll ever do because I get wiped out with corona, or the internet gets wiped out because of collapse, whatever the case may be as of last night I’m reassured that my union with the spirit of the dark goddess through the process of creating the track, through the beta testing on myself, also testing with dmt, chanting the mantra of the track through the dmt samples, the simulator, the flight test, can I break through event horizon, terminal velocity, get into orbit, if I can hold on with this track through the turbulence, breaking through, mantra protects me as I get into the orbit, habit of flight testing tracks, so many subtleties, things out of tune, out of phase, still learning, things out of whack, mixing, the deepest bows ever to nuno, this time I went ahead and paid extra, still gave a sweet deal, please is surrender, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, just the thesis, the concept, I gave him the stems so that he could mix them in his own way, did some real fuckin wizardry to save my ass and make this digestible to the ears to engineering specifications that I could only ever dream about understanding, the best thing I’ve ever done

I do want to say, my goal my aspiration is to be like I could play my favorite psytrance producers tracks in a playlist with one of my tracks and have it not be a real fuckin disappointment

doesn’t have to shine any more than that

5 years of feeble attempts moving at least on the right direction

its gotta be a monster,

my intention, a beautiful divine feminine monstress

we deliberated about whether or not the chanting in my other tracks, there’s people who might absolutely love this experimental project of vocal psytrance, some people hate, continuum, sweet spot we agreed on, I’m maybe done doing vocal psytrance using the english language, I don’t want to denigrate previous works

in order for me to have any real acknowledgement or hope to be spun by djs on dance floors, it can’t be a sing along pop duet, rarely you see that fly

trance people aren’t into weirdness of psytrance, dark psy

most positive sense, tantra punk music is ahead of its time, in a cynical sense, dear brother said, I love you dude but it’s too much to ask for people to vibe with this, yeah you’re right, I enjoy its for myself, why don’t you do real psytrance, skip the vocals, release instrumental tracks

all tracks were stories to tell

now I can produce instrumental psytrance or just try

[

asked to produce something, accountable to design of a producer,

work with those design constraints

sweet spot that was agreed upon

get away with thrive, I want to produce tracks where I’m integrating mantras because I feel and experience the power of what mantras do to purify the mind, heal, magical powers, invoke goddess, cultivate mastery of love, choose your own adventure, design your trip, more of lucid dreaming experience of psychedelics with mantra

terrence mckenna gets into that, books on hidden psychedelic history of yoga

almost infinite, goes to show how much love and devotion there is to these traditions

I’m chanting one of her mantras every day, spiritual practice wake up spend 15-30 minutes with her production of a vedic mantra, fierce form of shiva, effect of please heal me, liberate me, pluck me like a melon from a vine, how permaculture can you get

with fierceness of the 3 eyed one, fierce form of shiva, and there’s deep story and mythology behind it, I’m just a rocker, a hesher, metal head, loves metallica, loves slayer, wore patches, went to shows, worshiped the albums

sacred geometrical sonic forms, ancient mantras sung by priestesses, this is a deep death metal groove, melody that I was shredding on in basements as a teenager with my bc rich warlock, spider looking, kali looking guitar, shredding on these dark enchanting melodies in c#, though not in 432, next best thing, jamming om frequency death metal, now tuned to be dead on

transcendental death metal love, death, cynic, disincarnate, arch enemy, in flames, evolution fo crude trash death to transcendent death metal so deep in my heart, these are my roots

played track for my homie, listen to the harmonies, these are death metal harmonies, death metal channeled from these places

tantric mysticism, homage to the hell realms, you can’t fight your demons without going to where they live, visiting with them ,hanging out, partying and dancing, giving love and nectar of the goddess, bring the goddess to your demons, for them to be transformed and evolved and for them to be released

visions, what if demons, as miserable as you are, doing the drudgery, do they really i want to be imprisoned in your chakras, making hell for you, we think that’s what they want, the hierarchies of the demonic realm, a lot of the ones, larval pests being farmed, maybe enslaved by more insidious masters of them as puppets, sad but true metallica demonology, all the death metal album covers, alien giger, landscapes of living hell, very tantric, described in tantric scriptures and hymns and chants to goddesses, seek goddess, beauty in darkness, reason to apply yourself to inner heal realms, explore, bring shakti love to them

this track, sometimes I ask myself, I could wake up in the morning and say is it possible to love the goddess too much ever, today will I be excessively exerting myself beyond reasonable limits, to try to seduce, impress divine goddess energies, forms of goddess I’m so enamored by, is it possible to over love somebody, not in possessive way, manipulative, controlling, jealous, a way of true giving a good way to approach life

love embedded in this track, is it her love is it my love is it our love is it divine cosmic love, is it a love that invites and creates seats at a table of a feast of divine loving energy

allowing demons into the ceremony, been a practice for me and transformation for me,

ask demons wearing the masks of my traumatic memories, to put down their masks, observe order of ceremony, take seats in amphitheater of goddess worship so that we can all be blessed, transformed, divined by her presence, chant together in this invocation, form an alliance, discover that we want the same thing

we don’t want ben to suffer, we don’t want to live in ben’s traumatic history forever, we’re bored with that, that’s an old story, we want to collaborate to be in a state of grace and meditation

kali mandir, where else do you want the demons to be, out there wreaking havoc like loose rabid dogs, maybe not be lap dogs, be gargoyles, train them, we feed you but you obey us

opportunity and challenge of this realm, massive infestation fo demonic entities, will borrow in, take possession, do harm, don’t know another way, same you could say about slums, given no other alternatives/opportunities you have criminality, decline in compassion, increase in uncompassionate self serving, I can see the faces of the rapists and molesters that attacked me throughout my life, there was a quality of love they were deprived of and they went septic inside, but my goal and hope is that by feeling into the healing energy of the goddess, nectar of healing love and abundance can be rained down upon all of these beings

so the first mushroom trip with this track, hell froze over, exquisite journey and experience to see this frost, entered this realm with the track

psy salon, listening to someone talk about their trip is about as interesting as listening to some talk about there dreams, you do you, but place for trip reports

build theme park, build ride, don’t know how its gonna feel what needs to be tweaked, don’t have all the lights wired up, don’t know what its gonna look like, test with magic mushrooms, use mantras to invite deity of devotion into the ceremony, that’s when the all the lazer light show, astral 3rd eye lazer light show, other worldly realms

goddess comes down, removes them, dissolves them, some of the mantras, seeing with mushrooms, potential for these wild evil beasts to become tamed, disciplined, in formation, a mercenary army retrained, re organized, incentivized, not to work for demon lords, but to work for humbling power of the goddess in trade for her love

that’s a take on militarism that is the warrior goddess mystique of tantric shaktism par excellence, that is the chandi, whatever you think about time and culture boundness, martiality, divine feminine goddess, reformed demons, counter intelligence to get evil demon armies to not work for gold, booty, rape and pillages that the kings of the demonic realm would give them, she offers a better form of payment, which is the intoxicating love of her shakti, it’s a fucking beautiful sexual erotic love that you don’t get from the bible, too sex phobic, homophobic, eroto phobic, no offense intended to people on that path, pray hard, have a sexual relationship with jesus christ, if you’re mature, an erotic being, haven’t sexualized your spiritual practice told not appropriate, taboo, out of the box thinking that you can do

experience of having gone to these places, first experience, hell freezing over, I’m in this normally really nasty place of my inner demonic realm, over grown from all the punctures of my astral body, rape and abuse of childhood and teens, being breached and over grown, festering, snarling, frothing, beastial, then this track as soon as it comes on, this frost, ice age comes over the hell realm, I see all these demons shivering cold, frozen, start to feel affection, maybe you didn’t mean to do all that harm, didn’t know what to do with yourself, or maybe enslaved, against your better nature, yearning to evolve into a divine nature, transmute and alchemize from larval demon to butterfly angel, transformation comes form shakti nectar, tantric scriptures

you’re welcome here, put down your masks, be your true self reveal yourself as you truly are, we will honor the beauty of your form, the texture of your face, the ferocity, oh wow how many teeth do you have in there, even if they appear deformed, sit back and watch you zoom in around my 3rd eye I see the sacred geometry of the hell realms, I bow down and say that is your domain, how about if I honor you as a work of art of creation that you are, you stop tormenting me, and we dance together come out and show me your dance, dance for the goddess we want the same thing, we want to be saved feel the salvation of the goddess, we want the same thing, more I talk dirty to these foul creatures, the more liberated they become, and so I’m freeing the demonic slaves trapped within my sold, watching them break free like rats escaping a sinking ship, they want freedom to, do you want to be consumed by the goddess, be loved, be transformed, who the fuck am I, young middle age man, coming from the cutlure of wayne’s world, what do I know about any of this stuff, that the ancients studied and marveled over for millennia, I’m just this american dude on a bogus journey, excellent adventures, I don’t know how it all works

provision interpretation, the demonic realm wants to be a invited to a party

kali mandir, welcome them into the ceremony, quarantine them, you can be here, you will be fed by the goddesses love, if you want to sacrifice yourself to be consumed by her, you’re welcome to do that, be in observance to the structure of the ceremony, don’t be biting peoples heads off, keep your nastiness in check, come and do the yoga and meditation prostration, mudras, everyone is ever more blessed

its an armistice, what needs to happen between all the warring religions and cultures

watching star trek, undiscovered country, way they depict the klingons, that fanged, sharped edged, the classic dante’s inferno esque aesthetic of warrior, people who I know have called out potential underlying racist tones around some of star trek species if you will, shelve that for this moment for this art history of sci fi, acknowledge that, not the biggest trekkie, when I was watching that, the work they did with lights and shadows, even conan the barbarian, war lord, temples of toxic masculine, evil violent, warlike, armored, that whole barbarian mystique, aesthetic, there is beauty to it, art form to it, look at all the creatures in nature that have defensive anatomical structures, is that evil, scorpions, bees, is that evil or just survival, adaptation, evolution, ecology

appreciate the beauty of parasites as freakish as they can feel , as threatening as they may be, be in balance with them, indigenous cultures have struck a balance, most resilient, have worms in them, genetic coevolved balance with dark evil creepy crawly, taking that into psychedelic journey, tantric mantras, warrior goddess tradition, a matter of a dance with war, not a genocide, not a massacre, not a kinetic warfare of bombs, bullets, fires, all of that decimating death, colonization, but a dance

sweet spot, that was in ishmael, and movie instinct, zooms into those boundary assertions of tribes doing symbolic warfare, applying that anthropoogy to these trips

can we dance rather than being ripping each other apart limb from limb and chewing each others heads off, and infecting each other with poison, a lot of animals that are predators, they would rather flee, choose their battles, mortal combat is a last resort, I eat you or you eat me, not a lot of frivolous energy wasted in violent combat in nature, food chainy

back to first trip, hell freezing over, frost coming over being,s I see you out there freezing, in this frosted over hell realm,

almost like say you were at war with another nation, natural disaster, all the sudden become refugees, look at them, what were we fighting over, you’re so vulnerable, so in need of the shelter we can provide because we were hit by calamity, light and dark, inner battle field

another memoir from the astral battle field

if I can put this cryogenic spell on these nasty gnarly demons so they can be chilled so I can invite them, now you are in a state where you’re willing to negotiate, I’m not just cowering and letting you destroy me and devour me, superior adjudicating power of the goddess invoked through this track all here hanging out, now can welcome your ceremony can really begin, come up one by one come up drop mask like getting a hug from Ama, getting loved on by erotic goddess who has been traditionally named Kali, a bring a bit of my own anthro informed politically spiritually correct informed spin on things

it struck me that there are people who are going to question me, hate me doubt me, want to troll me, because I’m a white man in romance with hindu tantric goddess kali, I have done the work to prove that you can be a cultural appropriator, not a cultural mis-appropriator, paid the devotional dues to be able to parade and prance around proudly to wear the kali yantra on my neck, have it on my logo, benefit corporation of giving back and being in service in her name, continue process of navigating, enjoy, struggle, suffer in pursuit of acknowlegement and success, appreciation for my story, if I can help people, be of service, great, earned the right ot use her name, those who are very possessive of her, and want to tell me the correct version of her story, what she is and what she is, how I’m permitted or not permitted to interact with her, or talk about her, or be in love with her, or kiss and tell about her

I’ve been scolded cursed, endorsed encouraged for my use of the word goddess kali in my works, she’s central to it, the heart of tantra that I know, what else can I do but get up in the morning and say is it possible to over love, her the women, and men and all the demons who want to be in that energy field of her as an invoked deity

haters of that, is it possible to not hide her, not through any form of trickery

considering this time of great peril, spiritual correctness, cultural appropriation,misappropriation, take an approach of wayne’s world, bill and ted, unassuming, the less pias that I am about this and the more, whoa radical dude, did you see the goddess, she was fuckin hot, what a babe, I’m a just a bro dude or whatever, rather just be that, or I’m the most evil twisted insidious, mansplaining, entitled, toxic masculine douche bag ever, can I just start there, and there’s only one direction to go from there, I’m a gonna claim that, that’s me, can’t do much more harm than that

if I say oh I’m the saint, I’m the priest, I’m the shaman, I’m the chosen one the blessed, bestower of wisdom, shit doesn’t stink, guru,

tantric training, supposed mythical elder of the lineage, legendary dude, he was the mystic guru who did not luxuriate in the hero worship, was opposite, deliberated left fish guts hanging in his beard, to turn people off at his hideousness so they would not bother him, could just enjoy blissful samadhi meditation state, free of shackles of other peoples hounding attention, attitude, there’s always gonna be more grace in the humility of hermitage, build your temple on the highest most hard to access cliff, mountain, so that only the most devoted will distract you from your studies and meditation, practice of divine loving making with, don’t want to say dakini consort, because of the gender politics I’ve discovered, but saying your beloved

if I go around as I have, what are the limits of me representing kali, a lot of share holders have stake in the corporation of the zeitgiest of the archetype the mythology, everybody fights vover the direction everybody wants to be the CEO of Kali, ceo of the worship of kali, want their brand, lineage to be supreme and reign above all others, less violent subsects of hinduism than other religions, but same fight, she’s mine no she’s mine, this is how she is dressed, this is what that scripture meant, academic to non academic struggle, then me in the mix, I’m just a bro dude, wayne and garth

at a certain point some of us in the anarchist movement started to favor words like autonomy

same way government doesn’t want to invoke the magical powers of the word crypto, because it sounds cryptic and criminal and surreptitious ninja, you can feel the tone when only government agencies white wash and euphemize ther term crypto currency by calling it virtual currency, easier to embrace, far less threatening, don’t look at the crypto math, crypto wars are still raging, we don’t want you to know when we have back doors, powers that be, powers that be, super threatened by crypto, popular implementation fo strong public key cryptography applications, aka bitcoin, aka everything else that has been a tool of empowerment and sovereign, financial technology, file storage

fear of crypto is why you hear governments saying virtual currency

appropriate spin doctoring, good euphemisms, and evil euphemisms, staters gonna state, non staters are gonna have to adapt ot that fact of life

anarchist movement, certain point, that word has been so trashed so abused so misused, can’t get over the stigma, too strong, energy required to try to restore a state of grandeur, was a state back in early 20th century, anarchism was household name thanks to labor movement, huge percentages of the working class, meant a lot to have a movement of anarcho syndicalists

anarchism as a word, anarchy, phases but ultimately demonized, the shadow of lawlessness chaos disorder

when hyper intellectual, anarchist intelligensia, writer, speaker, collective member, semi prominent for a time in global anarchist movement as a thinker, wouldn’t say thought leader, tiny little moment of my life where it meant everything to me, clawing my way through the establishment to install my brand, height of college years, toxic male ego, mansplaining, terrible I was so bad, but had a bit of charm, people handed me the mic, assignments to write, had a bit of a niche, come from those trenches of discourse, forced to contemplate things like, do we rebrand anarchy to autonomy, lot of places it felt like that was the way to go

in perfect world you wouldn’t have to water down or white wash the intensity of a word that you love that represents something fiery and passionate, to tame that, socially acceptable, new word, loses some fire and passion but could be appropriate strategy, without being too much of evangelist, to on board, rather than convert, at least invite people, not hiding/tricking, duped into letting defenses down to be seduced into an anarchist cult which did happen, on guard against that as well

applying this all to the goddess kali a lot of titles, people believe that they hold the deed to the canonical origin stories of appropriate dress, sexuality, taming the goddess, domesticating the goddess, discourse of feminist tantrikas, the goddess was captured and trafficked into the bramanical priest cults of orthodox hinduism, made into royal figure, fitted with modern, ancient now, modern then taking ancient primordial, 10s of 1000s of years old, tribal deity, dragging her out of her wild ferocious naked sexually voracious state of nature, forcing her to be a devadasi in these king built empire temples where she becomes a museum artifact, told to shut up and stop being as wild and free as she is, cultural engineering, social engineering, spiritual engineering to tame the goddess and make her into this demure, over clothed docile mother, take away her sexual potency, irrepressible sexual potency that was etched into the deepest tantric scriptures, etched into iconographic, burning coal that could never been fully grabbed and control, that’s the beauty to me of what persists of her wildest, not fundamentalist, student of anthro of most primordial, premodern, jungle based, pagan shamanistic roots of goddess kali, connecting with deep nature, deep astral nature of this foce, deity, presents herself to me, whether you like it, or are repulsed by the sexual nature,

unless something or someone stops me, or if she abandons me, I’ll probably shut up because I’ll know I pissed her off

while she continues to bless me with her beautiful presence in the ceremonies I design in honor of her, go to temples where people are worshiping her in her fullness, and she blesses me I will continue to feel like my compass is pointed in the right direction, on the right path, she is my north star, if that disappears I know I must change something

one foot over the next

not going to say that she guided me to make this semantic manuver

you want to impose an authoritarian dogma of what I can or can’t say or disclose or express about my experience with this deity there are people who would like to kill me, cut my tongue out, sew my mouth shut, I go to the extreme telling my truth about my experiences, cats out of the bag, jenies out of the bottle, can’t undo that, live with that, hopefully remain graceful enough so I don’t undermine or discredit myself in a major way that can’t be forgiven

it’s not for the people who are already haters, I’ve done this manuver, it came to me, what is a classification of the goddess that does not bind her to time space and cultural biases, in a more benign sense, styles and preferences, principle over preference is one way to think of it, other people another time another place, had their own pathways of discovery of her as a phenomenon, goddess is relative to god, word games, semantics, very tricky, what’s the most generalized, non denomination, not dogmatic free from all culture boundedness to describe what I was experiencing, as if I never knew that kali existed, she appeared to me before I knew what to call her, that’s what you’re seeing, oh that’s that, chicken and egg

what if all historical references to describing this force of nature that can be accessed through various means, what if there was no name, and I had to come up with not a name, a classification a taxonomy, a plant has a latin name that describes something about what it is, describes what its related to, how its structured, there’s an elmetn of what its most closely related to, how it’s differentiated from other similar related plants, edible quality, the most distinguishing characteristic that’s encoded to the latin, not a cutesy name like we have common names

plants with so many different folkloric names who’s gonna fight over which is most popular at a given time,m power struggle, tug of war, which of names of a plant are gonna be in vogue, very fleeting,

felt an inkling to say, if kali is just the common name what would be the scientific, more taxonomy based latin type name that when you hear it and when you read it and use it, you’re actually descriptive more than it is a sort of term of endearment or a way to just reference somebody, what if instead of frank, more like a native american name, relative to clan, now names, smith, chandler, shoemaker, there were names that had partial significance and meaning relative to your clan, family, lineage, descriptive of what trade you were in, what is the macro nature of this deity I’m experiencing, how can I put into some words

I love this track, I can’t say which artist produced it, graham handcock, alan watts, one of those epic voices sampled in psytrance, one of the most epic moments, there are many and we all know in the movement the most exquisite ones that we connect with , track where sampled english vocal phrase is the world “alien god” the way it’s built up, the craftspersonship of how it’s installed at that moment, fucking awesome and when I think about that world alien god, immediately removes the all the bullshit baggage that I get when I think about jehovah all the horrible deeds done in the name of jesus, I think of god, least interesting, most tired stale, unenchanting word, goddess for me is a sexier sounding word, I love women, I’m most hetero, I love that goddesses can be adored for their sexual aspect, disdain I feel, as a punk, no gods no masters, still repulsed by word god, rarely say it, if that’s your thing live it up, more power to you, but when I hear goddess I instantly for get about the negative feelings of god, beautify, gorgeous, enchanting, as a molecule of sound, frequencies and syllables, resolves that conflict in me, soothed by it, dissolves negativity

alien god, that’s interesting that’s cool, qualitative, shift opens up to be more than one, more far out, anybody could say there was a time before monotheism, very mundane, many pantheons swapping god goddesses, sprites, angels, demons, height of greco roman domain, all religions allowed to persist so long as there was some altar devoted to the deities fo the roman state, tolerance

hyper centralization around monotheistic concept of god, unheard of, violently resisted and faught against, don’t want to pick a side in that battle of the first few hundred years of the christ movement

but alien god, that’s cool, being with wherewithal beyond mind, father is god to child, as gods of sky that we believe are creators, cocreators with divine consort, mrs god, duality form, shiva shakti, it’s a like a fractal ratio of wherewithal, insights, omnipresence, more compelling to think there’s an ecology of empowered being with different, like animals different eyes, hearing, everyone is a god of their domain, dogs are the gods of smell, humans really arent’ the god of that much, hopefully compassion at our best, kind of rounded off, no defensive tools, not fastest, not strongest, mediocre, averaged out relative to goddess of gifts bestowed upon almost every other animal

relative to humans, it’s not hard to be a god among humans

funny thought experiment, union article from years and years ago, science proves that human infants less intelligent than slugs, slugs have consciousness to be completely masterful within their environment, funny intuitive, pulp comedy thing, of pulp humor, but its just interesting to think about, hierarchy, layering of goddness, and goddessness, the gendering of higher dimensional entities, the word alien we all have a romance with that world, a real fetish for it, whether an abductee, whole life wrapped around the true belief that whatever happened happened, the mystique of alien, the word, sci fi, sector of human consciousness, world is magical and alluring, terrence mckenna alien love, we all yearn for that, seeking, humanity wants to connect with this higher dimensional, thing, distraught with existential crisis, artisans of sci fi, had their way with the dance of that world

alien love, alien god, psychedelic journey otherworldly places, dimensions, exciting, stuff of enigmatic, explorations of a more adventurous psyche, the pursuit of alien is like the fountain of youth, endless curiosity, hopefully doesn’t result in becoming super neurotic shut in conspiracy theorist or cult that kills themselves, extreme opposite end of what I’m talking about, healthy romance of alien love and alien gods

thought form birthed out of enchantment with that track, how come I’ve never heard anyone say alien goddess, what is my whole trip about, its about exploring loving being loved on being a naturalist explorer, exploring new species, drawing them, documenting them, as simple down to earth humble as I could really be, I’m a like a supernaturalist, there you go, no longer in search of but in the deep study now having discovered, and having created a pathway of access to alien goddesses, astral dakinis, sky dancing shamanistic, sexy the pole dancers of the stars, the pole dancing of the cosmic galactic forces, alien goddesses that have been written about, painted about, fantasized about, mythologized about for millennia, transcendent power of me saying wait a minute I’m not gonna stop talking about kali, not gonna forget about her,e bu I can get a little chuckle from her, get a little wink from here, what would be a latin taxonomical name, a few iterations, back of a napkin, formulas of words coming out, alien lover goddess, what is kali, if kali wasn’t named, if I never heard that word and someone said what are you fucking doing over there, dancing smiling, blissful grin, then going and being ravaged by this divine beautiful erotic being, what are you experiencing over there, I don’t know if she’s ever had a name or in history or ever been spiritual worked into a religious pantheon, if I had to describe what I experience, otherworldly beyond anything on earth, comprised of organic architectures, alien insectoid, black widow dragon fly, queen bee, anti black soldier fly, shape shifting, beautiful goddess of love, alien lover goddess

it is not just an otherworldly alien to this dimensions, not just female alienness, she is not just an alieness, a powerful creatrix alieness, ie goddess, power to create, power above us, above myself, bow down to, prostrate to this higher goddess, otherworldly, supernatural, powerful, divine in terms of higher intelligence, not just divine as in maternal love, you have lover, as in erotic

sex\y warrior goddess, alien dakini, numerous ways you can encode, enscribe these experiences, elegant simplist, psychedelic goddess worship is a compression, simplification common denominator, distillation of a lot of complexity in 3 words

a similar spell word craft magic, , power of transcending culture boundness of word kali, very contentiousness, no contentiousness around what I describe as my epxerince of an alien lover goddess take her or leave her, love or hate, dismiss pursue, I’m just doin me over here, im open enough I’ll make pornography showing this action with myself with others of pure heart who are seekers and believes, conduct shamanic pornographic ceremonies, operating in a manner of highest integrity to avoid cults of personality, and exploitation and abuse, and be in constant study of those patterns and pitfalls shadow of all gurus, reading up, not trying to rubber neck

innocently stumbled upon accounts of the shadow the hugging saint ama, could be total inflammatory, exaggerated fake news, but somebody has put out extreme accounts, unknown to public and devotees, secret transgressions of hugging saint ama, no grounds to believe or disbelieve endorse or not endorse, even if completely fabricated, as much as we can hate on osho for his misdeeds and misconduct, or defend him like a kool aid drinking brain washed devotee

no where to hide from potential to have success as a spiritual leader, tretcherous thing to happen I want to be the dude, geoffry labowski, wayne and garth, unassuming bro dude, keanu reeves as neo the chosen one, ultimate warrior or all time, humble shy, doubtful hesitant, had to overcome to self into power and mastery, wasn’t a cocky john wayne, prick, the way thiat the spoof satire genious of kurt russell, jack burton in big trouble in little china, he went out of his way to spoof the impotency of a cocky american western sort of cowboy attitude that was the whole tongue in cheek joke of that movie, to make fun of that, the less of a piased proud priest shaman, spiritual authority I can be, the more of a keenu reeves, not necessary with the looks, I don’t claim that, but hey why not for him to be a default role model for me growing up, of course I was a devotee of him,m growing up

I could choose to have the douchy cockiness of action here archetypes or the more down to earth types I’m gonna stick with that and see if I can continue to pursue my love of the alien lover goddess, kiss and tell, make the art, encourage people to explore these pathways in ways that wont’ get us in trouble with those who want to fight over these words

elegance of phrase, alien lover goddess, be free, free here, tug of war, pulling hair, pulling her legs, ripping clothes off putting clothes on, the telephone game of cultural history

reboot rebrand for my own enjoyment own sense of freedom from those judgments

alien lover goddess, it just rolls off the tongue doesn’t it

make psytrance, sans english, use sanskrti instead

so I took tot he interwebs and thought okay what is the sanksrit word for alien, is there such a word, that would suffice, squirrely language I know very little about

first started out with totally minimal knowledge, escalated my support ticket to interwebs, then to sufiana, bona fide sanskrit, writer, speaker, scholar,, going back to childhood, then her studies at university

these building blocks of sanskrit sacred geometrically sound forms, because of advancement of global literacy and the interwebs, anybodies perogative, studied morphemes in college, don’t know what percentage, words that have none of the latin based descriptive elements, prefixes suffices, cool to learn at ripe age in college, learn to parse words, you can create your own words, create neologiisms, language as extensible technology, make new words to suit discoveries

mckenna new words to describe new experiences, to grapple with hem in discourse, constantly need to be creating new words to expand to the envelope, phenomenological categorying of experience

be an archivist of their own journey, podcast, music, poetry books art, so other people can connect with that we have a common language even if its brand new, we can build on top of that

sanskrit, interchangeable, interoperable, I’m just hacking, when a hacker starts out barely able to logon get online make a network connection, that’s me with sanskrit, moving slow and breaking things

patching together piecing together, arrived upon, goddess is devi, love or desire as kama, as in kama sutra, one of the several fundamental elements to the experience of human life, its element to human experience in sanskrit, hindu tradition, tantra, not so celibrated, not necessary carnal pleasure, kama is the mortal enemy of othordox sex negative sects of christianity, yet core opportunity and engine of tantra in that its your furnace, first and second chakra, the energy the creativity you want to design with that, flow with that, dont want to hate on, shame or trap lest you have big problems in culture, abuse trauma all that bad stuff

kama devi, no brainer, finding the appropriate word for alien, when you watch ancient alien series you see how sophisticated the sci fi of the vedas gets vimanas, flying space ships, wars in the sky, there’s gotta be a perfect word for the what terrence mckenna describes, organico-metallic, you go on these mushroom trips, super advanced hyper space age architectures, hypermetallic forms, cybernetic alien organism, mechanical machinery feels very elegant, well designed, sustainable, green, earth friends, space, friendly galactic friendly something about it, the futuristic elegance of ecological design, using resources that are abundant and sustainably harvested from outer space

new I was gonna score the appropriate sanskrit word, magical mystique of we what we hold for the word alien in english

sufiana helped with translations, don’t know how to describe, might have two dots here, dot on the bottom, transliteration, she was the one who could interpret that in seconds

she could do the computation, to produce, she may have never encountered that sanskrit word ever, not a common word, cited, we know or guess that the context of the use of this world, arcane scripture, one word out of a million verse, may have ben used in common language in oral space, studying ancient texts approximation of what I would want to describe, the word thanks to sufiana: antariksam

she was on board, contracted with her to record some melodious singings and chantings of the phrase, not the proudest thing, whoa dude, check out this riff, alien lover goddess, om namah, I bow down to, kama devi, the pleasure lover goddess, antariksam, from outer space, alien lover goddess

om namo kama devi antariksam

melody of mantra that came to me, emergent property after layering the track

more primitive in most of the tracks I’ve done, I had not had the multidimensionality in the design of the music to decouple the melody of the words or the chants or the mantras from the lead instruments basically they were just matched, had people say its kind of obvious you’re stuck in this pattern, make up a melody, words or vocals are totally its like two guitars doing the same thing when they could be doing something at least slightly different

I get more than a wink from dare I say goddess kali, when I sing this hymn and mantra to her in the medicine space, the loving on that I experience with this track and this mantra, its beyond anything ever up to this point, a lot of other tracks have been yes devotional but also in combative mode with demonic realm, fighting the nasties with full force and ferocity, there’s big love from her in those sonic journeys you’re also on the battle field, sex on the battle field, okay,

gay lovers of historical warrior clans, having massively glorious orgies after surviving a battle, gotta be some of the most passionate sex that’s ever happened, contrast that to rape on the battle field, notion of okay up to the point of this track, the sexual romance on the astral battlefield with the goddess, I’m fighting demons, she’s the reenforcement, air strike, big guns, coming into love me, make love to me, while we’re both in vicious combat with demons who will not succumb to her power, and would rather fight than surrender

this track is about the surrendering demons, willing to be enlightened by her presence, disciplined, not converted, counter intelligence operation, be successful

when you have people who are turn coats who join forces with you documentary, 3rd eye spies, different informants, double agents, if you successfully turn an asset from a foreign intelligence agency to spy for you, because double agent, secret agent, how do you ever trust that that they’re not tripple agenting

so laughable, revolving door of allegiance, it’s a fuckin shit show

we’re going to so far what’s happened demons on this battlefield, this track seems to have an effect of titling the fuck out of them, like footage when they tested LSD on soldiers, acted like bonobos, turns them into cuddly, peaceful, care bears, it backfired, the psychedelic experiments, mk ultra, whatever, these chemicals are supposed to create these bezerker warriors

this track, of all the journeys that were so combative, there’s a time and place for them, they got me to this point, they saved my life, those astral battle field wars had to be fought, goddesses had to do their slaying

cost benefit of peace vs war, in the wild, violence in the wild, among proto neolithic tribes, wouldn’t you rather just dance this off, have a dance a thon, less blood, death, disease, tragedy, all that hell

important achievement in herstory of psychedelic goddess worship, there is a promised land, dimension of the astral plane, an armistice, a treat, a peace, the undiscovered country of peace, alignment of incentives, perhaps once you kill off the hawks, you’re left with the doves,not gonna say this track is gonna unite the religions of the world

at this time of apocalyptic end times zombie apocalypse mystique

last night having gone into this beautiful redemptive peace play, parade of home coming demons who’ve been enslaved to be soldiers against me and my chakras, watching them come out of these fox holes and having them surrender, and their surrendering is being embraced and celebrate, provision trust that they will not abuse, they will be allowed under supervision to set up their new demon state in a more democratic manner, blossoming

anybody could say new world order conspiracy, illuminati, spirit, UN does acknowledge very orthodox religious figures for their peace work

really vibing with the experience of the arc of the star trek film, the undiscovered country all about the different approaches to peace and conflict and warfare, that’s what we all hope for, a humbling, a tolerance, ability to have lasting peace and tolerance that is strong and sturdy and stable, alignment of incentives, peace love, tolerance, ability to live abundantly and have adequate resources, tragedy is when warlords, barbarians, toxic male egos take over and pervert balance, endless combat, waste of energy we could be doing more fun things

if we lose track of fun, bliss, magic, glory of harmony, lose memory of that, ala archaic revival, lost in seemingly infinite war, I’m not so utopian to believe we can achieve infinite peace

psychedelic goddess worship, alien lover goddess more lasting inner peace with more love if you like this music and you sing this mantra

what I experience in these journeys, experience such a revelatory, palpable, embodied, multidimensional visual experience of what’s not acknowledged in monotheistic abrahamic religions

this moment, there was a time 5 years ago, last moments of my warrior energy to fight the glorly of revelation on earth of goddess kali, that was my braveheart, my own feeble and humble attempt to aggrandize and decorate my journey with this fight to liberate myself, and liberated the stories of the goddess, the revivification of witch craft and goddess temples, battle to reclaim space for the goddess on earth, is a fight, can’t just be prayed for, has to be prayed and fought for

tantra teacher, Shawn Roop, ex-military, jedi combat training, stuff of men who stare at goats, that was his real deal

the last thing he said to me, at the end of that training was to the effect of, don’t lose your masculine sharpness, penetrating warrior spirit, acknowledges that in me, don’t let anyone take that away from you, don’t be afraid of it, don’t lose that

I appreciated that acknowledgement, I think I saluted him too, that’s why I wanted to train with him, he’s the warrior tantrika

if you didn’t want me to want to be macgueyver, the a-team, gi joe, you reep what you so, say that not in a threatening manner, but as a patriot to the spirit of all life from the forces of enslavement

prominent black magician, uses every tool in the tool box, says there’s no such thing as black magic, if you were a true white magician you would do nothing, because you would surrender to the divine intelligence of higher entities would not claim your own godhood on earth, and you would not defend yourself through astral combat and you would not oppose your enemies and manuver around your enemies using craft, be able to heal life with one hand and take it from the other, ambidextrous between the left and right hand path of tantra

and it is only people who have that depth of understanding and who aren’t bliss bunnied out, and totally delusional about utopian pacifism

I listen to field craft survival podcast, mike drop podcast, I would have joined the military, would have been some form of warrior, but thankfully I’ve chosen my own path, less like commandos and navy seals and rambos, more like the pliskins, more ending up being like a warrior who chooses my own battles

don’t have official training, regalia, equipment, of those enlisted, Shawn Roop acknolwedged in me the spirit of warrior defender of the divine feminine on earth

in that grey swirl between yin and yang, attempt to show there is the seed of darkness in light, duality merges, Alex Grey says its more like a spiral, sacred hall of mirrors, documentary, tantra, tantric soup that we’re in

not gonna be a, utopian pacifist, and also not a soldier in any one else’s army, not taking orders from anyone or anything but the dark green magician witch priestess and the goddesses who they have introduced me to

that’s me doing me, you to do, thanks to Vanessa Soulxo, Voodoo you and voodoo me

the sacred dance of being a spiritual warrior in pursuit of peace and not afraid to choose your battles and choose them wisely

with love and a big heart, desire to see maximum surrender, maximum alignment of incentives