A Distant Flower Grows

Sunday, November 1, 2009

"Scientology PTS/SP tech & disconnection mandates ruined my family and caused untold heartache – even death. I went along with the protochol, just as I went along with believing I could make a change with keeping scientology working . I thought that was the right thing to do but all the while I was forfeiting my integrity and alienating my family for the ‘greater good’.

Early on I had been made to disconnect from my parents. Later on I found out that my husband Paul Mace and I had been alienated from each other, without either of us us recognixing it in time. By the time I realized what happened, it was too late to repair the situation, as our lives had moved on.

Ours was not the only relation effected by Scientology. Paul's father, renowned voice coach John Mace, as seen below on the piano with partner Richard Adrian Dorr, is a homosexual and from very early on, I saw how Scientology's anti-homosexual stance influenced their father/son relationship.

Paul intentionally distanced himself and me from his father and Richard because he believed, after being indoctrinated by Scientology philosophy, that it was dangerous to be in contact with them because of their 'tone level', as described here

The Church of Scientology has officially determined that gays are "perverts" who are both "quite physically ill," and "extremely dangerous to society." The Church of Scientology teaches that such "aberration is contagious," and that toleration of such "perversion" is "extremely bad for society." The Church has an answer. Gays can either be "quarantine[d] . . . to avoid the contagion" and "uniformly institutionalized," or they can be forced to undergo Church "processing." If all else fails, the Church of Scientology offers a final solution -- gays can be "dispose[d] of . . . Quietly and without sorrow."

So, while Paul was not officially 'disconnected' from John, he kept in as little contact as possible, believing that his father was someone to be shunned. This is particulary sad for me because I, too, was influenced by this Scientology propaganda. I lost opportunities to get to know my then-father-in-law, who was always gracious and kind to me. Paul never allowed himself to accept his father and Richard for who they were.

And it seems that I was also a victim of this mentality when Paul decided to divorce me so as to further his progress in scientology. Ironically, when Paul died in an accident a few years later, I would be called in to help with funeral arrangements along with John Mace, who would be there to help organize the Celebrity Centre memorial services, including preparing me for the eulogy and songs, as well as to bring closure to what was a terrible loss for for all who knew Paul. I am forever grateful to John for all that he did to help and I regret not appreciating the humility and love this man had for his son, in spite of what separated them.

Scientology, on the other hand, did nothing but close the folders and ship them into oblivion. The same thing happened with his first wife Judy, who died in an accident 3 months after he did while on the way to the 'church' to do the same program.

In Scientology, death is nothing but a “farewell, see you next time around” affair, and so their orphaned daughter’s cries were met with enforced auditing, of which I am guilty of pushing. Then Paul’s widow Sara left the church. Being a scientologist meant doing what was right according to the church, no matter what the costs. Once again, disconnection became yet another wrong solution. (More about my years with Paul Mace and scientology later down the page)

At that point it did not matter about family because I’d already disconnected from most, even by default from the ones through death. I stayed on in the church and did the things that every compliant scientologist does. This went on for years.

Eventually, push came to shove. I finally stood up to Int Management against some out tech and injustices I had been privy to and in a heartbeat the tables were turned. I was now the enemy to be silenced by a threat of no eternity. I admit that when attacked, I cowered but I did not give up the way Int wanted me to. With no apparent recourse, and the refusal to sink to the implied idea of committing suicide, I left quietly and without apparent sorrow. Unfortunately, a shattered life knows no grief at the onset. Like a good robotic scientologist in fear of the dreaded SP label, I quietly moved on, severing scientology ties as I went along, trying to rebuild my live or what was left of it.

It took years before I would venture onto the internet and discover the lies we’d been told, the heartache of others, the corrupt organization which I’d given so many years of my life to. Realizing that I had been as uncaring and callous with disconnecting from my loved ones as the church had been with me, I set about to repair the pain I caused, but disconnection hurts deep and I am still eating crow for my part in it. It’s ok. Lives were ruined and being flippant about it for so long requires that a price be paid"

When I'm up to it, I'll post more about my life and times in Scientology but lets just say that I am so glad to be out! Here are a few highlights and lighter moments from my days in the cult.

Here I am in the NYC 42nd St subway station helping out my then boyfriend Cory Schwarzschild get the stats up in Div 6. I sold many Dianetics books and apologize if I talked you into buying one.Below is a photograph of a certificate I received one day by courier from Scientology's Flag Land Base and New York organization. No note or anything, just the cert in an envelope. I suppose I received it because at the time I was the only Field Staff Member (FSM) on the East Coast who consistently worked with new people getting them to buy Dianetics and other books and do services for the first time.I was a very busy Division 6 raw public FSM, so busy that I guess this award was to also make up for the fact that Flag had worked with other FSMs to steal my 'selectees' after I'd gotten the person to pay in advance. I lost alot of commissions that way but being the gung-ho person that I was, I didn't care. I preferred getting more new people in, secretly hoping to fill the church with ethical human beings to balance out the scale.

I was considered by Scientology Celebrity Centre to be a celebrity. That's a story in itself better left for another day. Even so, being one came with percs. I got to meet lots of talented people.

Here's a pic of me with Sue Jarreau on the right. She is the wife of Al. She asked me to help out for the night at the Variety Club in LA. We were supposed to be serving drinks, lol, but we sure had alot of laughs that night. I don't recall the name of the Harlem Globtrotter in the pic but he was a very nice person.Here I am with my old friend Jenny and Clayton Bartner, taken at CCNY

Here aI am with Spam Queen, Laura Betterly aka Laura Ajar, taking a break at some event. She became a partner my business at the time. This was taken a month after I had my daughter.

Here I am with the late Pat Salvo back in Dec 83. We would meet when ever our scheduals and locations permitted for the annual tree lighting ceremony at Rockerfeller Center NYC.What a mess scientology made of Pat: http://www.youtube.com/user/clockworkproI last saw in in probably 1987 or 1988 when he came to NY to visit his mother. Between then and when he died in the mid 2000's, I do not know what happened but from those videos he seems to have lost his mind completely. I was so sad when I these tapes. The old Patrick William Salvo is barely recognizable. RIP, Pat.

Here I am with author Frank Spiering and old friend Gemma Picerni.

There's a story behind ths photo. At the time, I worked as a personal assistant to actress Karen Black. Gemma was my good friend who I'd brought into Scientology, much to my later regret. I believe this photo was taken at Gemma's birthday party. I'd invited Frank Spiering, a prolific author who wanted Karen to star in a movie he'd bought the film rights to called a book titled " Where are the Children" by Mary Higgins Clark.

At the time, Karen was doing next to nothing workwise and what work she did was not of the caliber that she'd once done. Her then manager, Jim Rogers, did not want her to to do this movie because he didn't like Frank. I thought she was nuts to turn it down. Those rights eventually expired and the one woman he believed could have made that movie an oscar winner but declined the offer went on to not have much of a critical film career afterwards. Frank, however, continued on with his writing career, achieving much success, controversial as it was.

I saved the most significant years for last.

Below is a picture of myself and my then husband, Paul Mace at our 2nd wedding ceremony, this one being held at Robert Moses Beach on Long Island in June 1977.

The minister in the photo is named John Bragin. He was an old friend of Paul's who was once in Scientology's Sea Organization and worked on the ship named The Apollo, with L Ron Hubbard.

We did not have a Scientology wedding ceremony as far as I can recall, just a ceremony with vows written by Paul. Our 1st wedding ceremoney was in Irvington, NJ. We'd won a 'couples contest' for a free wedding and honeymoon where we were married by the mayor of the town in the bridal shop that sponsored the contest, lol. John attended along with my family and took photos for us. The second ceremony was far nmore personal, held at the beach for family and friends. John was so gracious and really made our marriage complete that day. I am forever grateful to him for this.

I was not a Scientologist at the time and apparently John had left Scientology many years before I met him. The only information on the internet about his life in Scientology comes from 2 sources. Gerry Armstrong mentions John helping hide Hubbard in Queens, NY when the IRS was after him and from former Scientologist and old timer Dart Smohen in the autobiography of his times in Scientology's Sea Org, published as The Real Story of Dart Smohenwhere he re-tells the story of how 'John Bragan' lost a couple of fingers while on the ship with Hubbard. It's a sad story.

When I knew him, John was such a wonderful,talented good hearted man. I worked with him for a bit as his assistant during his days as a TV producer and videographer in NYC. I learned so much in that short time and apparently he is still an excellent teacher, as he's camera currently faculty at UCLA's Human Complex Systems. That bio is very impressive and it goes to show you that people florish in the 'wog world' scientology tried hard to isolate members from.

Kathy and Paul

Paul Mace was a life long working actor who stopped his career to make money for the Scientology mission he belonged to before he met me. So, when I met and later married Paul, I had no idea that he had been a working and well respected actor in Hollywood and on Broadway. I only knew him as a singer and musician, a man who someone how got a shy me to sing with him in clubs all over NYC.

Apparently Paul had been declared as a Supressive Person by the mission holders, Gene and Arlyn Hobel. He was 'declared' because he wanted his wife and child to leave and go to another Scientology organization.

Paul's idea did not go over well with the Hobel's because they stood to lose alot of money and control if Judy were to leave. Now, I did not know what Scientology was but Paul told me that the Hobel's were doing it wrong and they had done everything they could to break up his family, even preventing him from having visitation with his young daughter.

He told me that the Hobel's were keeping his ex-wife and daughter at their home/mission, making her pay lots of money for services and ethics handlings for her and their child, depleting 'Judy' of her inheritence. There uis much more to this story but to give you the short version, Paul was very depressed about this situation and felt oppressed and that nothing could be done. I started to encourage him to take his ex-wife to court to enforce visitation, which he actually did!

When I met his ex Judy, it was clear that she was very overwhelmed and unable to care for herself and the child and this was in part why they were living at the mission. After some visits, Paul and I went back to court asking for custody based upon Judy not being independent enough to get out of that environment. We also sued based on the fact that the Hobel's were not raising the child in the 'faith' which the parents chose to raise her in.

I got a good sense of Arlyn Hobel during the one and only time I ever had dealings with her. In my first experience with Scientology at the Geltman Mission, Arlyn Hobel rushed over and ordered Paul and I to be removed from the building. After that, it was clear to me that the child needed help. So we filed he court case and the judge awarded Paul custody. In doing so, we made it possible to get Judy and her new husband to move out of that mission and create a home for the child away from the wrath & greed of Arlyn Hobel and her wimp of a husband, Gene Hobel.

I loved Paul and Judy's little girl, who suffered so much because of Scientology.A few months after Judy and her husband Howie Johnson settled into their apartment, my stepdaughter went back to be with her mother.

In the summer of 1983, both Paul and Judy were each made to do Repairing Past Ethics Conditions (RPEC). Paul at Valley Org in CA and Judy at NY Org. At the time, the Hobel's Mission was still open and active but it should have been shut down and wasn't.

RPEC is a very dangerous proccess. As Lisa McPherson's friend David Alexander aka "Alec" wrote once posted about RPEC " We (Lisa and I) never had a clue to the deception in which we moved, lived, and had our being. She applied Scieno-Tech to me in a way I knew it should be applied--flawlessly. But unknown to me she went one further and allowed that the RPEC was merely a trap set by Hubbard to attribute all wrong practices and mispractices of Scientology to ancient wrong-doings by the errant parishioner. It was extremely important for the survival of Scientology that all apparent mistakes in the Tech be blamed on the one who questioned it--and that is the function of the RPEC (Repair of Past Ethics Conditions) which lasts for the shortest of 1) eternity, or 2) the earliest remembered wrongdoing (usually thousands of lifetimes ago). Most members, rather than continue the process for eternity, are quite ready to settle for a quickly "remembered" wrong-doing that he/she committed much more recently (a more recent past life). Of course the rate of $3000.00 per course of processing extended through eternity would amount to a lot of hamburgers. One might consider he would never again enjoy a burger unless he found a quick self-condemning past ethics outness. But Lisa allowed that I might simply 'not' have committed a prior wrong-doing that was responsibile for the obstacle considered. Even in her total acceptance she transcended the "Tech" and brought the cycle to a quick end. And for that, COS declared her and invoked the ultimate Scientology Ostracism--a Scientology penal system sentence (the RPF).

Well, there was no one there to forewarn Paul and Judy. In early August 1983, Paul got on the back of a motorcycle driven by a 'friend' who, while under the influence of alcohol, proceeded to run a red light causing an oncoming car to crah into them, with Paul dying instandly from a trumatic head injury. 3 month later, Judy was repeatedly harassed by phone to take the train from Putnam Valley to come into NY Org to work on her RPEC, despite a terrible snow storm, and she slipped on ice right into the oncoming train thsat was to take her there. Both died in terrible and avoidable accidents while on this terrible ethics program. The deaths made their daughter an orphan within 3 months. She hates me and I cannot blame her. Even helping get the Hobel's declared as SPs. I tried to help her by forcing her to get auditing didn't ease the upset that made it worse. That's what being a dedicated scientologist is. This is how messed up I was. And to make matters worse, I disconnected from Paul's widow Sara, my friend and I betrayed her because she left the church to get auditing in the freezone.

There is so much more to say and when I am ready, I will say it. Most importantly, I want my ex stepdaughter to know that I am so sorry for the hurt and pain I caused or made worse by my actions.

Here Ed Mace and I are in Rhode Island after the Mace family's church service for Paul.

There is never much talk about about Paul and Judy's deaths but maybe that will change. Paul's cousin Ed Mace and I got back in contact in the last few years and I tracked down Sara and apologized for disconnecting after many years of denial of my sin, years after I left scientology. I hope to write more about my years in Scientology but I'll have to do it in small doses.

If you knew me and care to write a personal letter, me at ex.kathymace@gmail.com

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I saw that Academy Award wining screenwriter Paul Haggis wrote a letter to Scientology Celebrity Centre International President Tommy Davis, denouncing the cult's homophobia, intolerance and terrible Disconnection and Fair Game Policies, ending it with the announcement that he's resigning from the Scientology.

I posted a reply to him over at Marty Rathbuns blog in response, effectively ending my exile in anonymity from Scientology. I figured that if he could do it, I could too. Here's what I wrote.

Dear Paul,

Thank you for standing up, speaking up and walking away. That took real courage and the repercussions in the Scientology community, & Hollywood itself, are going to be widespread.

Scientology PTS/SP tech & disconnection mandates ruined my family and caused untold heartache – even death. I went along with the protochol, just as I went along with believing I could make a change with keeping scientology working . I thought that was the right thing to do but all the while I was forfeiting my integrity and alienating my family for the ‘greater good’.

Early on I had been made to disconnect from my parents. Later on I found out that my husband Paul Mace

and I had been alienated from each other, without either of us us recognizing it in time.

By the time I realized what happened, it was too late to repair the situation, as our lives had moved on.

When he died in an accident a few years later, Scientology did nothing but close the folder and ship it into oblivion. The same thing happened with his first wife Judy, who died in an accident 3 months after he did while on the way to the org to do the same program.

In Scientology, death is nothing but a “farewell, see you next time around” affair, and so their orphaned daughter’s cries were met with enforced auditing, of which I am guilty of pushing.

Then Paul’s widow left the church to go to the Freezone. Since being a scientologist meant doing what was right according to the church, no matter what the costs. once again disconnection became yet another wrong solution

At that point it did not matter about family because I’d already disconnected from most, even by default from the ones through death.

I stayed on in the church and did the things that every compliant scientologist does. This went on for years.

Eventually, push came to shove. I finally stood up to Int Management against some out tech and injustices I had been privy to and in a heartbeat the tables were turned. I was now the enemy to be silenced by a threat of no eternity. I admit that when attacked, I cowered but I did not give up the way Int wanted me to. With no apparent recourse, and the refusal to sink to the implied idea of committing suicide, I left quietly and without apparent sorrow. Unfortunately, a shattered life knows no grief at the onset. Like a good robotic scientologist in fear of the dreaded SP label, I quietly moved on, severing scientology ties as I went along, trying to rebuild my live or what was left of it.

It took years before I would venture onto the internet and discover the lies we’d been told, the heartache of others, the corrupt organization which I’d given so many years of my life to. Realizing that I had been as uncaring and callous with disconnecting from my loved ones as the church had been with me, I set about to repair the pain I caused, but disconnection hurts deep and I am still eating crow for my part in it. It’s ok. Lives were ruined and being flippant about it for so long requires that a price be paid. I admire you standing up for your ‘SP’ inlaws but I believe that if you were not as big celebrity as you are, you would would have been labeled PTS and made to do handlings until you did disconnect.

Anyway, I am here to join you in standing up and wearing the once dreaded SP label for the sake of integrity. Your letter here, along with Nancy Many’s courage to publish her new book, have encouraged me to speak up. Thank you!!

I wish you the best in your situation and hope that you are not shunned by those you care about because of your brave decision.

Kathy Maceex.KathyMace @ gmail.com

ps: In all the excitement, I failed to acknowledge his Haggis' wife, the talented actress Deborah Rennard. Congratulations and best wishes to you. Family really is the foundation, no matter what Scientology says.

Blog Archive

About Me

For 20 years I was a member of Scientology. I was known as Kathy Mace, my former married name. I left in the mid 1990s, alone, burned out and afraid to speak out. Years later, they tracked me down, trying to get me back. Big mistake on their part. It's a long story...... Let's just say that I am glad to be out and relieved to be speaking up. I encourage all former members to do so, too.