The NHL season is upon us! If you are one of the many who just can't stand the blaring horns that sound whenever the home team scores a goal, then you'll be happy to know that I will be describing them in detail below! Full credit to wejustscored.com and YouTube user NHLHornsandSongs for all of the examples!

ANAHEIM DUCKS: somewhere between "deep, pleasing baritone" and "I really should've eaten more fibre". Actually, given the inexplicable EMS siren accompanying the horn, perhaps it is closer to the latter. Take a listen.

​ARIZONA COYOTES: a coyote howling? "Howlin' for You" as your goal song? We get it guys, you're the Coyotes. Howl away.

BOSTON BRUINS: clearly a recording - and not a good one, at that. Apparently, someone still uses a Krzr - of someone else's horn (notice how it is the exact same, every time?). More is expected from an NHL team, let alone one from the Original Six. Get your Kernkraft 400 on.

​BUFFALO SABRES: definitely a winner. Best if paired with Rick Jeanneret. Looking to hear more of both in the coming years; fingers crossed for the rebuild! Let's Go, Buffalo!

CALGARY FLAMES: sounds like a party waiting to happen. Maybe that's why Brian Burke's tie is always loose/undone/missing? The flame effects in the arena are especially neat. Light it up!

CAROLINA HURRICANES: perhaps the horn most suited to the team name. All is well until the bewildering compendium of sound effects following the horn itself. The PA guy announcing that the Hurricanes just scored? Chewbacca and Fred Flintstone? And the course for Song 2 perpetually looped? Just weird.

CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS: well, it's certainly working for them. I think every single hockey fan has that blaring horn (fun fact: the original one was allegedly off of late former owner Bill Wirtz's boat) and Chelsea Dagger stuck in their heads. Another Cup?

COLORADO AVALANCHE: this horn... Either it has Altitude Sickness or it sat on something sharp, 'cause it just doesn't sound like something grown adults should be celebrating to. I expect better than this from the state that gave the world Boulder University.

COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS: the horn itself is nice and aggressive, and then comes the cannon. The awesomeness of the arena effects when the Jackets score is almost enough to make you forget their secondary logo is a hat. Fire away.

DALLAS STARS: a nice, warm, throaty horn! ...accompanied by grown men screaming "Dallas...Stars...Dallas...Stars", like some infant blurting out his or her first words. Is this really necessary? Who else are they there to see? Take a listen.

DETROIT RED WINGS: another nice, cozy-feeling horn. However, for regular watchers of Red Wings games, it must be disappointing that it tends to come on about eight minutes after the puck actually crosses the goal line.

EDMONTON OILERS: literally THE most aggravating, ear-splitting goal horn in the Western Conference. The only thing more annoying? When it is accompanied by Pitbull. Pretty sure it is meant for dogs.

FLORIDA PANTHERS: and the award for the Most Generic Goal Horn goes to....the Florida Panthers! The panther sound effect is neat, though. Too bad no one is there to hear it.

MINNESOTA WILD: again, kind of generic. One expects more from a team literally called the “Wild”. The Xcel Energy Center is rocking when the Wild play. They deserve to party.

MONTRÉAL CANADIENS: now is this not just the most irritating thing in human history? It is like a fly constantly buzzing around your ear when you’re outside just trying to have a damn picnic. Or, put another way, the horn is Brendan Gallagher incarnate. The fact that the man or woman in the booth honks it about sixty-four times after a big goal makes it just the worst.

NASHVILLE PREDATORS: must be frightening to hear while driving, as it sounds like a semi-truck is about to carve you up. Even the country song they play afterwards works. Simply brilliant.

NEW JERSEY DEVILS: the Devils have scored so few goals over the years that you can be forgiven for not knowing what their goal horn sounds like. Kinda nautical-y. Which makes sense, if you think about it. After all, Newark-Elizabeth’s container port is one of the busiest in the country. …now, was that fun fact any more boring that watching the Devils play? You decide.

NEW YORK ISLANDERS: Isles fans got a scare a week or so ago, when the Barclays Center announced that this would be the Islanders new horn. No one cares that you worked on it with the MTA, it still sounds like all of the air is rushing out of a balloon. Or the horn on one of those plastic children’s pedal cars. Or trying to stealthily release some flatulence but failing miserably. If anything, it sucks even more because you DID work on it with the MTA (the Metropolitan Transportation Authority is not the most beloved organisation in New York, or so I gather). That would be like the Leafs changing their horn to the familiar “bing, bang, bong” of public transport in the Greater Toronto Area. It would be bad enough, but mention that you worked on it with the TTC and there would be riots in the streets. Thankfully, the decision was reversed and Islanders players can now cele hard to their old, appropriate, nautical-sounding goal horn.

NEW YORK RANGERS: this buzzer sounds like it has been around since (this version of) Madison Square Garden opened in 1968. The song is brilliant, but come on, this is New York. MSG could use something better than this.

OTTAWA SENATORS: the mournful wail of an arena that is, quite literally, stuck in the middle of a cornfield. They should really Hamburgle another horn.

PHILADELPHIA FLYERS: if any goal horn sums up the fans of that team, this is it. A hyper-aggressive blast or two followed by the most obnoxious song in the world.

PITTSBURGH PENGUINS: two generational talents, a Stanley Cup, a new arena and a goal horn that puts a smile on the faces of people everywhere. Screw you, Pittsburgh.

SAN JOSE SHARKS: sounds like someone’s sitting up in the A/V booth with a baritone sax. Fantastically good and flows beautifully into the electronic rendition of Gary Glitter’s “Rock and Roll”.

VANCOUVER CANUCKS: apparently, some 6 year-old is up there mashing buttons, ‘cause there are about eighty-four different things going on here.

WASHINGTON CAPITALS: how much would you HATE having this come on 3 or 4 times per game whenever your team visits Washington? And, be honest now, when you hear it go off, does it not instantly conjure up images of Ovi? It’s only fitting that the happiest, most exuberant player gets an arena celebration to match. Great horn, great siren, great song.​WINNIPEG JETS: another train horn, though with a much better song and presentation than that of the Kings. Also less likely to make you wet yourself when it goes off. Winnipeg is a strong contender for best goal horn in the NHL. Here’s hoping their fans get a little something more to celebrate this year.