Monthly Archives: April 2010

Quite frankly – so am I. I feel like I’m doing both everything and nothing all at once. I am just exhausted and restless and incapable of doing something as challenging as writing a real blog post. I’m sorry my darlings.

Here are a few tidbits to tide you over while I get my head on straight.

– My facebook account seems to be disabled. I guess they didn’t love the “persona.” I resent the implication that I’m not a “real” person, but I can see where they’re coming from I suppose.

– Had an uncle call me sexy the other night. It did not make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Freaked me out really.

– I have two boxes of products to review. Including some latex gloves and leggings. I tried to put them on when they arrived. I should have video’d it. This could turn into a humour blog instead of a sex blog with many more episodes like that.

– I observed a Fetlife coffee the other week. I intend to post about it. I didn’t actually participate. Aurore came just shy of calling me a loser for simply watching for a few minutes then leaving. She’s probably right.

– Been a bit down lately. I can’t tell you when the last time was that I had sex, or even a decent make-out session. This blog is not making me come out of my mousiness shell like I had hoped. I don’t seem to be oozing the confidence like I should…

So the delicious Nicole of the Sex Toy site Adultsextoys.com said she would send me some fantastic presents for my birthday, and on Friday, they all arrived.

As those of you who are friends with me on Facebook know (and if you’re not friends with me – why not??) I spent my Friday evening with the seductively fantastic Ms. Bambi Woods – AKA “Debbie” of Debbie Does Dallas fame.

It struck me as crazy that I host an erotica blog, and do sex toy reviews, but had never seen this classic artifact of cinematic history. I mean it’s Debbie. And she did Dallas. Although, in point of fact she doesn’t. She doesn’t actually make it to Dallas in the film – although it’s implied…

I actually found this film to be surprisingly refreshing. Porn movies to me are associated with a few formulaic factors: bad music, unrealistically tight/hairless/uplifted women and essentially no storyline.

Debbie Does Dallas actually was different than that. This movie did in fact have a plot. It wasn’t a complex plot by any means, but there was a storyline, and mild character development.

The plot? Debbie wins some sort of cheerleading competition and has to raise the money to get to Dallas to attend. The rest of her squad decides to raise money themselves to accompany her. They find making money to be a challenge, so they begin to sell themselves.

What pleasantly astonished me was the bodies shown in the film. These were real women’s bodies. Their breasts moved and were shaped and sized like women’s breasts actually do and are. They showed (OMG!) pubic hair! And the make-up? Like real women wear. It was simultaneously fascinating and grotesque. It’s been so long (if ever) that I’ve seen women look like that on film that I was positively riveted to the screen.

Another interesting aspect of this, dare I say, old-fashioned way of filming a porn were the camera angles. Now I’m no cinematographer, but I know it’s just not the way we do things anymore. They would choose an angle – often a very close up shot of a cock sliding in and out of a vagina and leave it there. This would go on for a few minutes. There was no possible way this was being faked let me tell you.

However, I will say – there is something to be said for how we do it now. It’s mildly arousing to see a thrusting member, but to me, it’s more stimulating to see some facial expressions to go along with it. To be in the moment with the couple. To just see genitals is a bit less personal and a touch harder to lose yourself in the fantasy.

But overall? I have to say I’m really glad I got this. I expected it to just be really cheesy and laughable, but it was definitely more than that. Debbie herself was really beautiful, and it was refreshing to see some real women.

One thing that did strike me about this film, is a seeming preoccupation with semen. I mean those girls really milked those guys dry, and left not a drop unlicked…Makes me wonder if my men have been feeling neglected in that area…

Now, was it a bit disturbing to see supposedly 16 year-old girls in the kind of situation that would now get most of the characters in the movie arrested? A little bit. I had to shake it off once or twice. I have heard that they re-did the film, and I do hope that they made them college cheerleaders instead.

But aside from that – I can certainly say that this film is better than a lot of what I’ve seen much more recently. Most porn movies are just a series of vignettes showing increasingly kinky scenarios. This, although definitely 70’s, was a cut above that. Worth checking out for sure. I would recommend adding it to your personal collection without reservation.

Special thanks to Nicole – truly a goddess of the adult toy world for sending me so many fun presents! And if you’re interested in finding out about Nicole’s adult toy giveaways and deals, she told me to give a shout out to their twitter and facebook pages. And since she’s lovely, why wouldn’t I do that for her?

Julietta wins the gift basket for her suggestion of “Duchess DeSade.” Darling I need your address to send out the package…And Asha.Marie wins a runner-up prize of an EdenFantasys gift cert for convincing me to include “Belinda” in the name.

Honourable mention goes to RedVinylKitty because I agree wholeheartedly that “DuchessofDoom” is in fact epic. Didn’t quite set the right tone though my love, so unfortunately, I couldn’t use it.

I really just did this contest on a whim as a way to unload some of my excess, and am delighted that I got so much response. It looks like only 15 comments, but many people gave me several options within each comment. I love it! This was the most fun I’ve had on this blog in a while. I had a really hard time choosing.

This is an entirely overdue post, and I would like to thank the kind folks over at Durex for their patience with me. Did you know they offered more than just condoms? Me neither!

They were kind enough to send me a few samples from their pick & licks line as well as a “Twinkle.” Sadly, at the time I had someone all lined up to try them out on – but that fell through, and so I’m giving a bit more of a theoretical promotion/review instead.

First of all: the Twinkle…A cock ring that vibrates for up to 20 minutes. How fun is that?! Can be worn with a condom, can be turned off and on. Kind of cool.

I imagine this is the sort of thing that can be enjoyed either alone, or with a partner. Not having a cock myself, I’m afraid I wouldn’t know. Hmmm…perhaps one could slip it onto a dildo and use it? Must try that…Or even better, maybe I should offer to ship it off to one of my lovely readers in my contest from my last post…

Then the fun came! They sent me a whole menu of items to choose from in their “pick & licks” line. A range of flavoured & textured & different sized condoms, as well as some lubes and massage oils. It was just like Christmas!

So I chose a range of each type of thing, and settled on a strawberry flavour. The flavour options were positively delicious: cherry, pina colada, orange, banana, strawberry and apple.

Now what to do with condoms when one is briefly sans partner? Well, this assignment of course forced me to use my imagination. I practiced my technique of putting a condom on a cock with my mouth on a variety of toys. Oh, and once those toys were properly sheathed? Well who needs lube? Off I went for some vibrating fun!

Now I do still have some condoms left over – so all I need now is someone to take advantage of them with me. Any takers?

So I’ve noticed that quite a few of you have facebook accounts for your online personas, so I thought I would do the same in order to better stalk you all.Unfortunately, “The Duchess” or “Sexy Duchess” will not make it past the facebook police.

It seems I need an actual name.I’ve always thought that my bar/fake name would be “Belinda” – so I considered going with that – but “Belinda Duchess”…well let’s face it. That’s a stupid name.

I’ve been thinking about doing a contest on here for a while. I have a lot of stuff that I want to give away – books, DVDs, lotions, toys that I haven’t actually used etc. So I think this will be the vehicle for the contest.

Whomever chooses the name for me that I actually use will win a whole pack of stuff from me.I’d like “Duchess” to be in there somewhere please. Leave it in the comments, twitter message me, email me – whatever you’d like…