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Monday, 7 February 2005

I'm back and I'm proud!!

Hello Swipesters!!

I would love to be able to say that my long absence from your world has been caused by a lengthy sojourn fighting the forces of imperialism in Eye-rack; or in infiltrating the Old Trafford canteen in order to attempt an audacious coup to overthrow "Sir" Alex Ferguson by adding poison to his vat of vintage methylated spirit; or siphoning of profits from U2's multi-million seeling "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" CD in order to redistribute the profits with a view to ending global poverty. I wish any of the above were the case. Sadly, the reason for my lengthy silence is more prosaic: I forgot my Password!

So, without further ado - or in Arsenal's case, Edu - what's been happening at Swipe Towers over the last few months? Well, to be frank, not an awful lot. I've been putting a lot of time into my pornographic, anti-Iraq war novel, "Get Your Cock Out of my Face, Condi" - to the extent that I have lost quite a degree of wrist flexibility and have developed a most unsightly blistering between thumb and forefinger. Sadly, despite the obvious commercial potential of a novel set in the Abu-Gharaib detention centre, tracing the Fanny Hill-like journey of sexual discovery embarked upon by the book's heroine, I have received no positive feedback from any of the publishers I have emailed the text to. Regular readers will know the short shrift I give to the currently prevalent conspiracy theorits' mumbo jumbo. However, though it pains me to say it, I'd say that this concerted effort to impede my self expression has 'censorship' written all over it. I will be relentlessly pursuing my White House contacts with a view to having this sad besmirchment of the democratic ideal condemned from the very top.

Worse news from the football pitch. Hank and I coptered it over to the UK to watch the match of the season as our beloved Arsenal played their make or break tie with United of Manchester. Sadly, after a promising start, 'The Arse' capitulated to a spirited United performance in the second period and with those three dropped points went all hopes of our retaining the title. Oh well, short of covering the Red Devil's manager in post-match refreshments, what can I guy do?

More later - and sorry it's been so long. I will update you further on the battle to end third world poverty a little later - beware fans of Ms. Siead O'Connor, Mr. Paul Bono and "Sir" Robert of Geldof - it doesn't make pretty viewing!!

Love on ya!

Bob

p.s. Three cheers for the plucky Crawley Tigresses. I note that they won their first game in 18 attempts this season! I knew that bad run had to end soon. Here's to the next 18 unbeaten!! Way to go, girls!!!