8.7.10

They say I'm not a very emotional kinda guy... (OK so I don't know who 'they' are but I like the fact that they talk about me) and for the longest time they were (are?!?) right. I guess the correct thing to say would be that I am not a very physically demonstrative person when it comes to emotion. Like I know people who dispense hugs like they're going out of fashion but the whole hugging thing took many many years to come to terms with. I think the first time I got properly hugged by a girl who not a relative I was well into my 20's and if you were to ask bystanders what it looked like, they'd say a tiny smidgen of a girl was sorta molesting a big 6 foot plus dude who had both his arms open and wasn't sure what to do with them.

I figured it might not be a bad idea to bring the hands together and so they did over the years, till a point when a girl hugging me would get comforting pats on the back much like my nephew gets to induce those lil post feed burps. That was a tactic which worked well with the ladies till some drunk night when afore- mentioned patting happened a bit south of the border and was accompanied with the slurry whispers of "Daddy's here". The words didn't matter (or maybe they did a wee bit) but its all in the tone folks. I know this being the killa mc that I now am :)
These days of course I am super comfortable in my own skin to atleast hug my close girl buddies without feeling weird or anything. Like a friend mentioned a long while ago, "You are as big as a bear so make like one and hug me properly!" Yeah... I don't argue when that tone is in play.

I like to analyze why I am the way I am about the hugging thing and it probably goes back to the childhood. Don't get me wrong... the folks were very physically demonstrative with the hugs and kisses (and the odd slap too hah!) when I was a wee lad but all of that stopped once we hit a certain age. And through the years I saw it repeated with my siblings as well. Once we passed the age of 8 or 9 years, no more hugs. Then you go through the formative years without those hugs and add to that studying in an all boys convent setup and then most of your college years in a Muslim college where boys and girls had separate timings and what not and it's not really surprising as to why it took me so long to lose my virginity...

I'd just like to clarify that I'm not emotionally scarred or anything. It is the way it is... For a fair while I was considered anti-social almost because I didn't really interact with the women in the group. The reason being I wasn't sure how to. Let's face it - it's kinda tough when you have weird pre-conceived ideas in your ahead about the opposite sex and so interacting with them becomes something of a mental fight. I'd be too stressed about the whole thing and just chose to shut down and be the strong silent type. Fortunately as the years have gone by I have had the opportunity and pleasure of meeting and befriending some women who are so cool and with whom I can have great conversations and yet be comfortable enough to make stupid bawdy jokes as well.

So this post is for those girls... Those who chose to continue being friends with me... those who saw through the 'strong and silent type' facade and persisted... those that call me almost every other day (even if it is to kill time on their way back home)... those that stay far far away and yet one mention of a distant memory and it feels like it was just yesterday when we met last... those who cook delicious chocolatey delights and then ask me to be the tasting guinea pig... those I don't see for weeks and sometimes months on end and when we eventually do, all that time in between doesn't matter...

To all those girls and for all those hugs... many thanks and much love and respect!

6 comments:

Awwww... much love n respect right back at you... I am a serial hugger and I am pretty sure i threw a couple at you back in Singapore... and you do give total bear hugs now! Here's to being 'comfortable in your skin'.... :-)

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