I don't know what to do anymore.

Since I was a little girl I've had so many bad experiences in life. I lost people closest to me who I loved so dearly, I'm suffering from cancer and everything and everyone seems to be against me. About a year ago I started to date this guy who seemed to be true and caring. An honest person, but after a few months everything seemed go for the worse.
We met eachother over the internet about 5 years ago and we finally got together. I lived in a different country than him at the time and I assumed that most of our problems seemed to be due to the long distance thing. I moved in with him and his family not too long ago trying to get over the trust issue's I had with him (he went home with another woman....)

Now, he went out for a nice dinner with his colleagues and this girl rang me off of his phone, asking me who I were and telling me to fuck off from HER boyfriend.
I always saw my boyfriend as my saving angel, that one person I could and should trust. I've never trusted anyone as much as I trusted him.
I've always cut myself since I were 9 years old (I am now 20) but now it's gone deeper and more.
It's not an accident, I hope I'll cut deep enough to bleed to dead. Eventhough there's something in my mind telling me to not do this the feelings to give up in total are way stronger.

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm sat here just crying and crying and I've tried everything on the list that could keep my mind off of selfharming or even worse (drawing, writing etc etc.)

First thing to do is to confront your bf tell him what has happened cutting yourself will only cause more problems something you do NOT need right now
If indeed he is cheating then why would you harm yourself over someone like that hun Yes it hurts like hell when someone you trust betrays that trust but it is not you at fault here
It is him and he need to go ok you need to find someone to talk to a therapist someone that can help YOU ok to move away from this toxic relationship and to find someone y ou truly deserve someone that will be faithful hugs

hi. If he is cheating then he is not worthy of you. No he isnt. I could not say it all better than what Total Eclipse has said. Nothing is your fault. you have done nothing wrong. You have been wronged, if he is a cheater.

I hope you will keep posting here. And also reach out locally. You deserve good help. Please do not sh. Dont give him that power over you. I know my words dont mean much. But I do not want a cheating jerk (if he has cheated on someone) to have that kind of power in your life... if in fact he has cheated. :hug: you deserve better than that.

Im sorry things are like that for you. you can be mad at your bf if he is cheating but dont blame yourself. Also ill pray for you to get better and for you to be happy. Feel free to vent to me if you need to whenever