5 Possible Theories for Why George Clooney Finally Decided to Get Engaged

We all had a little trouble adjusting to the idea that perpetual bachelor George Clooney is engaged to his relatively new girlfriend, British attorney Amal Alamuddin. OK, a lot of trouble. We're still a little taken aback. In fact, the word "gobsmacked" made it into a Smitten team conversation today. Not because she doesn't seem like a great lady, and not because we're not happy for Mr. Buckets o' Charisma himself. Of course it's because, whether he wanted to be or not, the Cloonster has been the poster child for bachelorhood for the last two decades. He's spent years with a string of girlfriends in relationships that lasted a few years but never progressed into legal, lifelong commitment, all the while insisting he didn't intend to be married again. (He divorced from Talia Balsam in 1993.) And he seemed so happy and content doing so, it made me wonder why more Hollywood celebs didn't go that route, being charmingly single, instead of insisting they could make commitment work only to have it publicly implode in scandal and humiliation. (Ahem, Tiger Woods). But here he is, buying an allegedly ginormous ring for a woman he's been dating for a mere six

Of course it's because, whether he wanted to be or not, the Cloonster has been the poster child for bachelorhood for the last two decades.

He's spent years with a string of girlfriends in relationships that lasted a few years but never progressed into legal, lifelong commitment, all the while insisting he didn't intend to be married again. (He divorced from Talia Balsam in 1993.) And he seemed so happy and content doing so, it made me wonder why more Hollywood celebs didn't go that route, being charmingly single, instead of insisting they could make commitment work only to have it publicly implode in scandal and humiliation. (Ahem, Tiger Woods).

But here he is, buying an allegedly ginormous ring for a woman he's been dating for a mere six months. Congrats, but what gives, George? Here are five possible theories on what made George finally decide to give marriage another shot.

All commitment-phobes are just late bloomers in disguise. Because based on the experiences of various Glamour staffers and their interactions with men, lots of dudes really hate commitment…until they don't. (Hint: It's always with the next girl they date after you.) Perhaps the actions of GC will inspire a new generation of commitment-phobes to get over it and take the plunge. (Disclaimer: This theory may be based on the wishful thinking of those of us who want to get married.)

He did it just to make Jennifer Aniston mad. Because of course, while George has been thought to be a blissful bachelor, Jen has spent years being painted in the media as a sad, desperate spinster who just can't convince another man to marry her. And after all that unfair treatment, now he's stealing her wedding thunder? Rough. (Disclaimer: This is a totally fake theory, but the point about media portrayals of these two is painfully real.)

This whole thing is a smear campaign against his exes. Because can we just acknowledge that the descriptions of why he fell for Amal Alamuddin seem downright insulting to all his former girlfriends? She's "the full package" with "brains and class" who "has her own thoughts and ideas and doesn't just bow down to everything he says," according to various Us Weekly sources. I think it's great that Amal has a successful law career and rave reviews from people who know her, but I'm actually offended on behalf of all the former Clooney girlfriends for the implications that they lacked any of these things because they were in the entertainment industry, which is also George Clooney's career. So. Rude. (Disclaimer: This theory is also fake, as to my knowledge George has never insulted an ex. But again, the point is real.)

Maybe he just didn't want to have kids and needed to find someone on the same page. Because as our own Marissa geniusly pointed out: George Clooney will hold a puppy. George Clooney will even hold a goat. But George Clooney will not hold a baby. (Disclaimer: This theory is mostly so we can LOLOLOLOL to infinity over that last pic.)

Or maybe he just fell in mad crazy love. Because the simplest solution is usually the best. Plus, it doesn't involve any deranged conspiracy theories to make a point. Sorry, George! I really am happy for you and Amal. Congrats and best wishes!

Are you still surprised by the Notorious Bachelor's Engagement Heard 'Round the World?