The Worst Person On Earth Prank Called An NFL Prospect To Make Him Think He’d Been Drafted

Receiver Mohamed Sanu was generally expected to be a second-round pick in the NFL Draft, so the fact that Thursday night came and went without his name getting called normally wouldn’t have been news. But your agent (in Sanu’s case, Mike McCartney) euphorically tweeting that you did in fact get taken in the first round, then having to take it back later? That’s not normal. And the reason McCartney – along with Sanu himself – thought he’d been drafted will probably make you angry.

That reason: some piece of shit prank called Sanu, claiming to be with the Bengals. The piece of shit said the Bengals were taking him with the 27th pick in the draft. The piece of shit was not, in fact, with the Bengals, but rather playing a hiLARious “joke.” The Bengals did not take Sanu, exposing the prank-calling piece of shit as a very large piece of shit indeed.

As far as the aftermath goes, though, it seems like Sanu took it extremely well. And he has reason to – someone’s going to take him, most likely tonight, and they’re getting a hell of a player. As someone who watched him at Rutgers the last three years (full disclosure: I’m an alum/fan, which helps explain why I’m particularly fired up about what this piece of shit did), I can say that for certain. Maybe he doesn’t have ideal breakaway speed, but he can sure catch the ball. He caught 115 of them last year, from two different quarterbacks – one recruited to play in a different offense, the other a true freshman.

And that’s not all he can do. He can play wildcat quarterback, if your offense uses that at all. (He once ran for a 91-yard touchdown. Had another game where he ran for 148 yards on Louisville.) He can play special teams – returning punts or even punting himself, in a pinch. And as for defense – he actually started at Rutgers as a safety. And he was good. In the mind of now-49ers-lineman Anthony Davis, he was the best one on the team. I can’t say for sure whether he’s a game-breaking receiver in the NFL, but he’s an awesome all-around football player who will make his presence felt one way or another.

So there’s no use feeling sorry for him over the piece of shit prank caller. Sanu’s not feeling sorry for himself, after all. But seriously, prank caller: it’s hard for me to express enough what a piece of shit, human pile of raw sewage you are. One of Sanu’s friends said he’d pray for you. Well, he’s a better person than I am, because I’m not much of a praying guy, but if I were, I wouldn’t waste it on you, you piece of shit – unless maybe I were praying you be on the receiving end of one of those vicious blocks Sanu was so good at delivering (see the 19-second mark here). Someday, perhaps, you’ll realize what kind of piece of shit you are, you piece of shit. Until then, kindly go fuck yourself.