“HE’S a money grabbing cockroach. I own two potbellied pigs that don’t yelp as much as him.”

Vinnie Jones after being sent off for fouling Ruud Gullit.

“For years I thought the club’s actual name was Partick Thistle Nil.”

Billy Connolly

“Can anyone tell me why they give referees a watch? It isn’t to keep the time.”

Alex Ferguson

“After I scored six against Northampton I hung back. I didn’t want to score any more. It was getting embarrassing.”

George Best

CLASS ACT: Gazza always had trouble on trains [NORTH NEWS]

“That would have been a goal if the goalkeeper hadn’t saved it.”

Andy Gray

“I get on a train and sit in second class and people think: ‘Tight bastard, all the money he’s got and he sits there.’ So I sit in first class and then they say: ‘Look at that flash f***ing bastard in first class.’”

Paul Gascoigne

“I was watching Germany and got up to make a cup of tea. I bumped into the telly and Klinsmann fell over.”

Frank Skinner

“Winning doesn’t matter as long as you win.”

Vinnie Jones

“The person who said: ‘All men are created equal’ never stepped into a footballers’ changing room.”

Eric Morecambe

“Mark Hughes is playing better and better, even if he’s going grey and starting to look like a pigeon.”