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and yes...i'd totally drive the getaway car if you needed to throw eggs or tp his shit. that is totally immature and uncalled for. let me know if you need a driver

Rock on.... you can be Thelma and I'll play Louise... just make sure the cops are hot and we get to do one of those piggy sex scenes ...... ROFL. Sex and Cameras don't work well for me... stage fright.

I have to agree with Joe's sage advice... you really are giving this guy way too much power. You started this thread over 8 hours ago and still talking about it.

So should I turn around and disrespect the people who have read and responded by ignoring them? Um, really? I don't think so. I think I was "over it" at 10am this morning when I figured out he wasn't sick, hurt, etc.....

Planning vengeance over a "no call/text" after a date is a bit over the top.

Planning vengence? No... but if you fuck me over once, don't hold your breath on getting another chance... and sure I might fuck you, but it won't be romantic. After all, we all have needs. Sex and Love are better together but fine alone anytime.

Sometimes sarcasm is just that and I recognize that you may not be able to tell the difference between sarcasm and concrete actions. Hopefully next time you'll read my posts the other way as you get to know me better.

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Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Someone once said to me that dating is wonderful and dating is terrible.

That pretty much covers it.

And we all seem to be going back for an extra helping?

Ah, because I'm not the saint I play during the day, I sent him a link to this thread.

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Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Nothing like dating tips from nexty, that's for sure. I'm going to write some of these down and commit to file.

there is nothing wrong with my shiznit. and it helps to have perspective. im sure the dating tips from moi are less acerbic than some of the other posters.

i am supportive, optimistic and then some. and just for the record...i didn't post everything. that an fyi for some of yall. if i had some of you all's sentiments would be different. in the end i just assume its another post and back to your lives.

speaking of fundies, where the hell is that link to the mormon boys site?

I'm really not much on man-improvement... I prefer home-improvement instead. I like my guys a little psycho not beyond help.

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Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

I have alot of things where they should be at 37 and it seems like alot of people I meet are not as far along in life. I try to look beyond that. I think it's unreasonable to expect everyone I date to have a good job, own a house, be on good financial footing, have a 4 year degree, etc. It's not that I don't want those things in a boyfriend, it's just that guys with those qualifications are in short supply and I'm dating someone for who they are, not what they own............I can handle a variety of misbehavior with class. Cheating, drugs, being drunk off your ass at 2 am and having to fetch you from the dance bar (I don't drink fyi).... no problem. Being un-degreed, living iwth your parents, or in some shithole apartment that passes for habitation.... or riding the bus.... I can work around. Having a car that classifies as a correspondence course for mechanics (or financial aid for the auto shop).... I can fix...........but since you seem to be implying I had an issue.... he works for a hospital in an equipment maintenance position.... not exactly flipping burgers.... then again not the same as running your own company which is what I do.

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

Dude was a jerk to disappear without a word.

Note that you seem to have a very very long and oddly detailed list of deal-breakers that you insist you never apply - projecting that odious action onto others who supposedly do work on the criteria system in mate selection... Just note that...

« Last Edit: July 14, 2010, 07:43:40 AM by mecch »

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ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Note that you seem to have a very very long and oddly detailed list of deal-breakers that you insist you never apply - projecting that odious action onto others who supposedly do work on the criteria system in mate selection... Just note that...

It's amazing how people skip over the phrase "I can work around these issues"

I have friends who do apply those criteria.....

I think it would be naive fantasy to say that each of us does not have a list of criteria we find attractive in a mate. I think it would be equally naive to pretend that the lists stops at physical and aesthetic qualities and does not extend to material qualities.

Everyone is damaged goods in some way shape or another, including me. The question is what can you live with?

Everyone you look at is going to have something that could be improved upon, including myself. So the question is what you are willing to accept as adequate or ideal?

I don't remember where i first heard it, but the "shuns" are important.... and I'm sorry if you don't have one of them.. they are still important...TransportationOccupationEducationHabitationSantiationetc

some of the unshuns that matter to some people are sobriety and loyalty.

So back to my post that everyone cherrypicked and got excited about. I can tolerate a certain amount of underachievement, substance issues (alcohol is a drug darlings... just as tobacco is a drug delivery mechanism), situational issues etc. We all have goals. I don't find it unreasonable to want a partner who works hard in life at achieving his goals. That you may find my desire unreasonable simply means we aren't a match, not that my goals are necessarily flawed.

To make another analogy, it's not that I find you in a pile of poo that is disturbing.. it's that you don't see to be doing anything about being in a pile of poo that is disturbing. If you are actively climbing out and looking for a shower I can overlook the now condition for the future intent.

So if you've read judgement into the fact that I notice and evaluate..... I suggest you pay more attention the next time you see someone who is hot, and someone who is not. The very act of classification involves evaluation and we all classify to some extent. Being aware of your thoughts is a key component in morality and ethics.

So yes.... I would date someone who:had a car that sucked, waited tables, and was temporarily living with their folks..... and occassionally smoked a joint and had never gone to college.

(read it again so you aren't confused in case you think I was being elitist)

I would actually rather date the first person then someone who attended Harvard, had a trust fund, and knew when something was on sale at Neiman Marcus (aka Needless Markups). Experience has shown me that people who are obsessed with material possessions tend to have values different from mine.

I'm quite content to have a 40 year old sailboat, 9 year old truck, and an 80 year old house all of which are in nice condition and have been altered to suit my tastes and comforts. I'm a t-shirt and jeans sort of guy and I'm more likely to show up wearing a t-shirt with a favorite print and some comfortable shorts then anything with a fashion label.

« Last Edit: July 14, 2010, 11:42:13 AM by hotpuppy »

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Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

I bet you wear flip flops out in public (other than as swimwear). That's a major deal breaker for me, even if I'm just a bitter, dried up poz whore on disability. I still have standards.

(I also just bought Bliss Clean Deep poor cleanser at Neimans, so you lose again. And we take public transportation up here in the Northeast with no shame, in fact for many it's preferable and required if living in a city center, unlike the gas guzzling cowboys in Tumbleweed TexASS)

So yes.... I would date someone who:had a car that sucked, waited tables, and was temporarily living with their folks..... and occassionally smoked a joint and had never gone to college.

Where do you come up with these character descriptions? Some sort of Central Casting...?

The categories and the signifiers in each category... its all so reductive! And inconsistent. Why the diss on Harvard grads? A person can't be reduced to his positions in your categories. For example all Harvard grads share nothing in common as people, except that they went to Harvard.

Not too many people want to be reduced to a series of positions in categories, whether or not the categorizer claims there are no "value judgments"

Your world view is rather special, and I doubt you can see the point of our retort to your Too Much Information categorizations.

But, hope at least the next date goes better!!!

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ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

I was using Harvard as a well known example.... I guess because I've been the guy with the crappy car who had an apartment with no furniture and was waiting tables..... I can relate to that better than I can relate to an elitist view of society that tends to be exhibited by some people who have gone to certain well known schools.

we've really strayed from the original point... .which is that it is rude to completely ignore someone you have gotten along with.

Yes, I agree, hopefully the next date will go better.

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Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

After wading through some of the responses, it's no wonder they don't call back. No self-respecting trick would.

Thank you for contributing such sage advice to the thread....

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Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

I bet you wear flip flops out in public (other than as swimwear). That's a major deal breaker for me, even if I'm just a bitter, dried up poz whore on disability. I still have standards.

(I also just bought Bliss Clean Deep poor cleanser at Neimans, so you lose again. And we take public transportation up here in the Northeast with no shame, in fact for many it's preferable and required if living in a city center, unlike the gas guzzling cowboys in Tumbleweed TexASS)

You're right philly dear... we could never date.... mainly because you shop at Neimans for burgeouis beauty products.

as for public transportation... I actually am not opposed to it.... it would just be nice if we had some. We currently have 2 miles or so of train... and a bus system that takes a minimum of 2 hours to use to get anywhere.

As for me... I think I've bought less than 20 gallons of gas in the last 2 years. Of course that is because my truck is diesel.... as is my sailboat. lol. I don't have much that runs on gas. Diesel engines are better behaved overall.

Sorry I don't even think I own any flip flops.... hate the things with a passion actually...

« Last Edit: July 14, 2010, 02:05:49 PM by hotpuppy »

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Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

I actually finally figured out what the issue was...... and for the purposes of wrapping this up I thought I'd share it.

Power game was the first contender.....

While talking to someone from here.... who will remain nameless unless they choose to stick their hand up... I realized that it was HIV stigma. I just hadn't put the pieces together until I recapped it for someone.

The topic of drinking came up, and I told him I didn't drink, but didn't care if he did... and he pressed me on it. After saying, I'll tell you later... I finally told him I was watching my liver numbers and that the drug study I had been in left me with some residual high liver numbers. As a result I had to be careful not to screw up my liver. In and of itself, this didn't click. But I recalled that my date was poz about the same amount of time as me, and wasn't on meds yet... and was resisting going on meds. Add in that on one site he has "ask me" and on another he has "negative" for HIV status.

Last night it clicked.... all the signs for not dealing with HIV status are there.... non-disclosure, history with bf dropping him after finding out he was poz, resisting meds, etc.... So I can see him meeting me, trying to project the "ignore HIV" thing... and then me disclosing that I have liver damage from the drug study... it might be easier for him to just run away.

So that's my best guess...

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Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Your not supposed to wear flip-flops to restaurants? What if I mowed the grass in them and I don't want to get that black greasy stuff on my clean white socks? Is it ok then?

Only if you wash your feet before you come inside.... It's really better to let someone else mow the damn grass. One of the few things I wholeheartedly agreed with in college Economics.... Hire someone to do what you don't like to do... .and I hate mowing the yard... aggravates my allergies to grass.

How like you to show us your pussy Miss P. And a cute one at that. Meow.

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Don't obsess over the wrong things. Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion. It's about getting out there and enjoying it. I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Yall are so funny... I enjoyed the responses to your question... its unfortunate to go through all the steps online... to enjoy the various emails ... meet and greet... then thinking to yourself.. Hey... I'd like to see this person again only tobe ignored? Well thats the dating scene... unfortunately itas happened to me and I've have one person locally that continously called... over and over and I had to let them know it was not them but, it was me? but, it was generally this person who just drove me crazy... I think I wished to hard to meet someone? and I got what I wished for... wrong time... wrong place... I did meet and greet with a wonderful local guy... but, he also has hep-c... so its me on this issue... I just do not want to be exposed to another disease... so I told him I just wanted to be friends... but, I was upfront about this and I did not ignore him? so Hot-puppy be glad your in a larger city... with more to choose from... When your not looking I'm sure you'll find someone else... here in a smaller community its alittle more difficult but, hey I have lots of friends... or at least I tell myself that? lol

I actually finally figured out what the issue was...... and for the purposes of wrapping this up I thought I'd share it.

Power game was the first contender.....

While talking to someone from here.... who will remain nameless unless they choose to stick their hand up... I realized that it was HIV stigma. I just hadn't put the pieces together until I recapped it for someone.

The topic of drinking came up, and I told him I didn't drink, but didn't care if he did... and he pressed me on it. After saying, I'll tell you later... I finally told him I was watching my liver numbers and that the drug study I had been in left me with some residual high liver numbers. As a result I had to be careful not to screw up my liver. In and of itself, this didn't click. But I recalled that my date was poz about the same amount of time as me, and wasn't on meds yet... and was resisting going on meds. Add in that on one site he has "ask me" and on another he has "negative" for HIV status.

Last night it clicked.... all the signs for not dealing with HIV status are there.... non-disclosure, history with bf dropping him after finding out he was poz, resisting meds, etc.... So I can see him meeting me, trying to project the "ignore HIV" thing... and then me disclosing that I have liver damage from the drug study... it might be easier for him to just run away.

So that's my best guess...

That's a nice analysis. But It could be you had a pimple on your forehead. It could be he didnt like your hands., your ass, that piece of spinach in your teeth, etc.. The bottom line is he doesnt like you. I think your spending valuable time analyzing your dates. It will happen when it happens, in the meantime just keep on pedalling.

Whew! We hit a nerve here huh? GOOD! I was just having a discussion with my friend's Mom last evening - for reference, "Ma" is -- well, since she won't see this -- 80 -- and we bullshit about life...we see things across the generations and she has ALWAYS been a no bullshit woman esp. to me because she loves me and I am not a schmuck. It used to be called "common sense" or "common courtesy". What the hell is so damned "common" about it if few of us have or practice it? Yes, I have interacted online at times and met for a cuppa, and afterward been as polite and diplomatic and said something like, "You know, I enjoyed your company, yet I feel as if we just are not compatible as a possible <insert label here>...but if you want to really get to know me, I can be a loyal friend." In my "old age" I have become selfish (not a bad thing) -- I give support and friendship to those who have proven they deserve it. I have often surprised others by my actions i.e. being nice to a cashier esp. right after some ass has chewed him/her out...I crack jokes, I help someone to their car with something too heavy at the ACE Hardware. My point is (and I do have one...lol) that these "men" (misuse of the term) are so insecure, that instead of being HONEST and COMMUNICATING because they are so afraid of retribution (naughty, naughty karma keying a car or leaving dirty skidmarks!)...they run away and hide because they don't KNOW how to convey their truth to another. I feel sorry for them. No one is perfect...and I sure as hell have fallen at times...but I try to treat others as I wish to be treated everyday. When I most needed my good karma(the day I found out it wasn't HIV, it was AIDS), I was wandering midtown NYC and out of the blue, a stranger gave me a compliment...and shook me back to the real world. So fret not buddy. It is NOT you! It's the times...people in general are losing the ability to respect others. You should be proud to be sensitive to truth...you know in your heart how you were raised...and apparently, that included honoring your word(s). Integrity. It's what's not for sale...you'll meet a good one soon enough. HA! This coming from the SGWM of 50! LOLPaulPS Hey Marco - you led me to this thread. THX! Sorry been away so long.