Tuesday, April 7, 2009

recession jokes

George W. Bush was asked today what he thought of the credit crunch. He replied that it was his favorite candy bar.

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I went to the ATM this morning and it said "insufficient funds".

I’m still wondering is it them or me.

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The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now America's third biggest lender.

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Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker’s wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, " ... and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"

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Q: What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common?A: They both have frozen assets.

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Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

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A lobbyist on his way home from his office in Crawford, Texas, is stuck in traffic. Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: "Officer, what’s the hold-up?" The policeman replies: "Former President Bush is so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says everyone believes he and his political and business associates caused the recession. So we're taking up a collection for him." The lobbyist asks: "How much have you got so far?" The officer replies: "About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

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You know it’s a financial meltdown when your builder asks to be paid in Zimbabwean dollars rather than US greenbacks.

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Q: Why have real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.

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Q: What’s the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?A: In a few weeks, nothing.

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Talked to my bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on.

He sold me one outside KFC yesterday.

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Like most countries, Japan is now hurtling towards bankruptcy. In the last seven days, Origami bank has folded, Sumo Bank went belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was also announced that Karaoke Bank is to go up for sale and will likely go for a song, while shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended today after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on after sharp cutbacks, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.