Search

Smallville season 5 minicaps is getting adjusted to dorm life. And also roomies. Oh, who’s he kidding. He still lives on a farm.

Stewart here…

So, after the big meteor shower that ended season four, our graduating class of Smallville High is moving on to all new ventures. Clark got a chance to be human with all the human trappings, like feeling pain and being shot dead. But, thanks to some Jor-El magic or something (he possessed Lionel, but really, read the last minicap for a better explanation of that), Clark came back to life with full powers and all. So, now that open relationship with Lana that Clark was having while human is in serious trouble, along with that warning from Jor-El that someone he cares about will lose their life for bringing him back. Oh, and another spaceship landed with some kryptonians, who got promptly banished to some phantom zone, and there was another unseen passenger: a guy who looks suspiciously like Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who is now Clark’s college history professor.

Whew. Lot to cover there. So, let’s get back to it…

“Thirst”

The girls of the Tri Psi Sorority and Metropolis U are a bloodthirsty bunch…meaning they are actual vampires, who are accepting new pledges, like Lana. Its too bad for all of Lana’s friends that she takes to being a vampire way too well, especially when she gets a bite out of Clark. In other news, Lex is investigating Dr. Fine, and the poor chump following the doctor gets impaled by said doctor’s liquid metal hand. But, Fine does help Clark discover the connection between the LuthorCorp experiment and the vampires, so that has to make the doc a good guy, doesn’t it? Well…

–If something seemed a bit off about this episode, the DVD commentary illuminates that feeling: the whole bookend of Chloe getting a job at the Daily Planet (with Carrie Fisher as the editor) and her voiceover were added after filming when the episode wasn’t quite working.

–Have I mentioned how unbelievably lax LuthorCorp, let alone Lex Luthor’s private security is? In this episode alone, Dr. Fine just wanders into the room with the spaceship, and vampire Lana just crashes into the mansion. For all the money he’s making, I would expect a better hiring program for that job.

–One of my favorite quips in the commentary, which should give you a hint about the whole Clark/Lana relationship: “If they haven’t broke up yet, don’t worry, they will in another episode before getting back together.”

–Hold on, Lex just happened to have the antidote in a briefcase nearby just in case Clark or someone would ask about this still unknown kryptonite vampire illness? Oh-kay, sure.

–Clark: “I hate costumes.” Later on, he admits to liking the Zorro cape.

“Exposed”

Chloe and Lois stumble into a scandal involving a dead stripper and a senator friend of the Kents. In order to get to the truth, Lois poses as a dancer at the gentleman’s club to find the killer, and sure enough, she’ll need help from Clark when she ends up in the killer’s den. Oh, and Lex is running for state senator…for some reason. And when the senator decides not to run for another term, he suggests a replacement in Jonathan. Suuuure.

–Did I miss a deleted scene explaining why Lex wants to be a senator? I’m sure his past and the criminal exploits of his dad kind of torpedo that.

–So yeah, Senator Jennings is played by Tom Wopat, John Schneider’s co-star from the Dukes of Hazzard. That and the suspicious looking Charger that Jennings drove in on was a dead giveaway.

I have a very strange feeling that if we got an 11th season of Smallville, this stars and stripes getup would have been in the Clark/Lois sexy time wear rotation.

–Geez, Chloe, way to offer up your cousin to dance and strip in front of a crowd of guys, who then gets taken by a creepy Euro-trash diplomat’s son who murders strippers. And add to that, said killer gets off because of diplomatic immunity (although later the killer’s busted by Interpol, thanks to Chloe). That’s an awkward family dinner discussion in the making.

–Lois is moving into Lana’s apartment at the Talon, which is great news for Clark. And Chloe got her first story published in the Daily Planet, on page 73. The bottom of page 73. More importantly, there’s a page 73 in that newspaper?

–“It’s Chloe’s fault.”

“Splinter”

Always be careful handling kryptonite is the message of this episode, when Clark gets a cut from a piece of odd silver kryptonite. After that, it seems someone’s out to hurt him and everyone else is betraying him. And for some reason, Dr. Fine is really big on helping Clark find out what’s going on. Probably because he reveals to Clark he’s kryptonian too, and doesn’t reveal he was responsible for Clark getting that silver kryptonite splinter. And why would he do all of that, you ask? You won’t have to wait too long to find out…

–In another installment of Lana Lang, Overachiever: barely into college, she’s now being asked to help open an alien ship for Lex Luthor. This is why Lex needs to hire better help.

The call to the family insurance company after this: “Hi, Progressive. Yeah, its me, Clark Kent. Yeah, ANOTHER truck got wrecked. Yeah, I’ll hold.”

–Clark’s left a little uncertain about what happened during his time under the influence of that silver kryptonite. Like say, Lana and Lex talking about a spaceship and the two of them getting a bit too cozy. Actually, those things weren’t hallucinations, Clark. Sorry.

–I like how throwaway that moment is where John and Martha realize Chloe knows about Clark. No time for drama over that, considering their adopted son almost killed them.

–Geez, I honestly forget about the great car wrecks that happen on this show. And even more so, how many non-superpowered people survive them. Plus, the Kents go through a lot of trucks. Their insurance must be worse than paying for upkeep on the farm at this rate.

–A nice music drop in the cold open with “Superman” by the Stereophonics. I had that song for a while before discovering it on this episode. It also helps I don’t remember watching this episode before recently.

–“You were never my son. You were the thing I found in a corn field.” Yeah, that’s technically a figment of Clark’s paranoia hearing that, but still…ow.

“Solitude”

When Martha comes down with a mystery ailment, Clark worries Jor-El’s prophecy of someone close to him dying is coming true. So of course, Clark goes to fellow kryptonian Dr. Fine for help, and his solution is to blow up the ice fortress? If that sounds too good to be true, its because it is. Fine actually wants to destroy it to release Zod from its imprisonment, and instead, meets the pointy ends of the fortress instead. But he vanishes along with the spaceship, so this is probably not the last we’ll see of the good doctor (hint: its not).

–So the caves are now a quick portal to the fortress, which helps out Chloe when she has to tell Clark about Fine’s secret. At least it saves all that cash on travel to the arctic.

–I know its easy to think Clark was a bit gullible in trusting Fine and his lies about Jor-El being a war criminal, but let’s all remember: Jor-El’s kind of a dick. He’s not helping his defense, is all I’m saying.

“Oh come on, Clark! Its barely heavyier than your wallet! You should be able to lift it easy!”

–Good word of advice to anyone looking to distract security to a secret installation: showing off the specs of your car only goes so far in real life.

–So Lex wants to run for public office, namely senator of Kansas, and Lionel wants to keep that from happening. You know, to keep his son from getting a big head. Suuuuure.

–Lex responding to Lois’ snide remarks about Lex running for senate: “Well, thanks, Lois. You know, there’s nothing more valuable than the savvy political advice of a muffin-peddling college dropout. Speaking of, do you have banana-blueberry today?”

NEXT TIME: Lex lives out his twisted version of It’s a Wonderful Life in “Lexmas”, Lex’s campaign gets a fatal new campaign manager in “Fanatic”, Lana and Lex deal with rogues trying to find the alien ship in “Lockdown”, and Clark has to decide the fate of two people he cares about, and only one of those two will live in “Reckoning”.