Trying to do things, softwate just does'nt want me to do
i keep getting stuck and thinking of new things, but they end up not being possible either
frustrating !

best solution so far involves throwing aroun $10000 at it and capturing a team of programming monkeys to make specialized tools

well right now I\'m trying to explore the arena of Math Art, Particle/Fluid/Smoke/Firey lorenz attractors/4D fractals/Paramtetric Math Knots
but uhm, applications are not being helpfull

Cinema has a bug, well It's just bad by design, in that it can't handle lots of seperate objects
i can have a 180,000 polygon object on screen easily, but I can only get around 2000 1 polygon objects before it dies
CInema also does'nt render alpha masks properly, they are not pre-multiplied/straight alpha'd properly
its subtle but problematic

zbrush cannot paint in the luminance channel making it really boring
and useless for creating objects like a piece of glowing burnt wood ambers

after effects plugins like lux and others get 3D input in the form of lights, but after effects can only handle a few thousands before looking sad
and realflow (which I\'m stuck to version 3 as I can't get 4 without paying huge sums of money) is horrible to use

and I think only 4 does what I need anywhooo
so I thought instead of trying to do something interesting id just copy everyone else and make vector style art from tracing photos and make it loook all retro

thats popular still right? or... isometric pixel art?

oh oh I know!!! make a bunch of squiggles with Trapcode 3D Stroke, and like.. make em move around and glow and stuff!

on with the creationisms, fun to be had! (within serious program limitations of course)

New Final Cut Studio 2 from Apple and new CS3 Suite from Adobe, busy busy busy

And it had to be done *hacks boring default icons with some developed by some guy*

*hacks the icons done by some guy to be nicer*

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I've started listening to my audiobooks on meditation and overcoming procrastination

I have been thinking about what the subconscious mind does, how you interact act with it and It's purpose

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Wow, ok last night I had some kind of success, It was like I was conscious as I felt like I had been lifted out of my head and was surrounded by infinite blackness and at the same time my body felt like it was buzzing. It definitely felt like a separation of body and mind

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I haven't been able to repeat my meditative success (albeit a brief one)

My mind is still in doubt that It's possible, and It's that doubt that stops me, so now I doubt I can get rid of my doubt. How retarded!