Elizabeth Kirkwood may have been the gal to go to in high school when you needed your homework done, but now she's her own woman, Quevin, and she's not gonna fall for your seductive tactics! Join us as we discuss Elizabeth's patience testing pageantry, recurring school-based nightmares, and inability to prepare a proper bindle. Oh, did we mention 'Full House'? Yes, that's what this podcast is about. Forgot for a second! This week we're covering "Honey, I Broke the House", in which little Stephanie manages to topple the Tanner empire in less than 20 seconds. She's desperate, she's harboring a secret, and she needs sanctuary. And a gun! P.S. This episode is dedicated to the memory of Cecil the Lion. Rest in peace, you great cat. XOXO

Jon and Brandon are on their own as they wrestle with the humdrum monster that is 'The Unauthorized Full House Story'. Is it boring? Yes. Is it almost entirely devoid of true dramatic juice? Sure. Is it almost entirely divorced from the sitcom it's trying to talk about? Yeah! Basically! Look, we survived two hours of nonsense and a barrage of awful ads for Lifetime's programming, so you're gonna sit there, and you're gonna listen to our thoughts, and you're gonna LIKE IT. As a little bonus, we try to cast our own (bug nuts) version of this film using people from the Comedy Bang Bang stable, a project we feel would have been vastly more compelling. Pop in those 'buds! XOXO

Tim Lamphier may have been a demanding child when it came to hot dog prep, and sure, he may have been a little hard on ol' Nintendo, but he's grown up into a fine young man and he was a damn treat for this, the 59th episode of the podcast. "Those Better Not Be the Days" is our subject this time around, and it has a pretty central theme: Kids are the worst and they can only be tricked into expressing their gratitude. There's also the matter of how exactly the men of this show view a particular teenage girl and whether or not their fantasies could land them in Goddamn jail. Sick freaks. Meanwhile, Victoria is on the scene and she's only out for one thing: DAD MONEY. Give us a fucking five star review in the iTunes Store or we'll leave chocolate surprises on your front stoops! XOXO

Becca Slack may have shocked those in power with her sassy attitude and fondness for questioning authority, but that's just what we look for when scouting potential Rude Dudes. Today we're examining "Mr. Egghead", in which Joey's already muddled career takes a sharp turn into terrible children's programming. But that's not all, folks: Danny is using DJ in an attempt to get out of a $30 traffic ticket and Stephanie's impending Picture Day could prove her undoing. There's a lot going on, maybe too much, but whatever! Don't worry, we make time for Becca's Picture Day memories, as well as her Dad's love of outgoing answering machine messages. Do any of us care about the gender of a ghost we can't see so long as it's giving us the best oral sex of our lives? Will Jon provide us with an extended review of Beastly, now available on Amazon Prime, even if we didn't ask for it? Find out now! There's no way you'll discover the answer by reading this, you Bozo! XOXO

Cat McDonnell may have spent the majority of her childhood in the stuffy ol' land of England (where birthdays are about as celebrated as a hernia) but that didn't snuff out her joyous spirit. Said spirit is on full display for this, our 57th episode! Break out the Bobby Brown cassingle and oh so sensual bottle of catsup, because DJ is officially a teenager and everyone wants her to get laid. Everyone is dancing in this episode: Danny, Becky, Jesse, even little Michelle is getting her groove on with a particularly famous cartoon rabbit. It's fucking surreal! We're gonna learn all about Cat's first kiss and her recent encounter with a grown-up game of Spin the Bottle, so join us for the fun or see you next Tuesday. Ha-ha, just kidding, WE LOVE YOU ALL. XOXO