Finding a good boyfriend in the gay world.

I once heard a talk that said you can't Expect to date your ideal person, if you your self are not that ideal person. So if you are fat you can't expect a guy with ads to date you. Or if you do not have a good job, you can't expect a guy with a good job to want to date you, if you are bald you can't expect someone who is not to date you.

I want to date a white manly man that can fight, that is outgoing, cool to hang out with, an alpha male, that is Athletic and fit.

So I take MMA and BJJ classes and I Count my calorie I am a blue belt in BJJ and I record videos of me fighting, Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. But I am trying to be like a guy I would want to date. But it is not working !!! There are 4 guys I train with a lot that I would love to date but they are all straight.

Also I find it hard to find a manly top. I feel like the south is full of bottoms.Does anyone have any ideas that could help ?I am on a few dating sites and I have videos of me fighting on them.

btb900 saidI once heard a talk that said you can't Expect to date your ideal person, if you your self are not that ideal person. So if you are fat you can't expect a guy with ads to date you. Or if you do not have a good job, you can't expect a guy with a good job to want to date you, if you are bald you can't expect someone who is not to date you.

I would not subscribe unconditionally to the doctrine that you have to mirror your BFs qualities 1 to 1. There is a lot of truth in the saying that the birds of the feather flock together but that is NOT the whole truth.

Being athletic and taking care of your appearance are essential. That's why I believe that you are on the right track.

Where you want to fine tune your approach is to understand that besides mirroring your BF's qualities as in being athletic, having a good job, etc., you also want to see that people look for someone whose qualities would be complementary to theirs.

Relatively few top dudes may want to get involved with a fighting bottom. Athletic? Yup. Fighting? Not so much.

What makes people interesting are their interests in whatever they happen to be interested in. If you can share your life's interests as in 'contents' with your prospective BF, you are a lot more attractive as a BF than the next guy who works and goes to the gym.

Finding a serious BF is pretty much like marketing. You have to be able to aptly demonstrate that if he chooses to date you HIS life will improve considerably. If he really has little to gain he sees you as one of the many guys out there available and looking but not as someone who deserves more attention than that.

btb900 saidI once heard a talk that said you can't Expect to date your ideal person, if you your self are not that ideal person. So if you are fat you can't expect a guy with ads to date you. Or if you do not have a good job, you can't expect a guy with a good job to want to date you, if you are bald you can't expect someone who is not to date you.

btb900 saidI once heard a talk that said you can't Expect to date your ideal person, if you your self are not that ideal person. So if you are fat you can't expect a guy with ads to date you. Or if you do not have a good job, you can't expect a guy with a good job to want to date you, if you are bald you can't expect someone who is not to date you.

I want to date a white manly man

Does anyone have any ideas that coukd[sic] help ?

Just be white. Duh.

I know you are trying to be funny, but I get hit on by way more black guys than anyone else. Even just walking around Houston, I have black guys come up to me on the streets hitting on me, in the wallmart parking lot, Drycleaner parking lot, my apartment complex. Sometimes I think I should stop walking to places. So there might be something to that. On dating sites too. Back in Louisiana I had a black friend that said he was only into white guys hit on me. That was really weird and uncomfortable. Most white guys I meet that are in to black are fem bottom and not manly tops. I feel like that white manly tops go for white mainly bottoms. From what I see. There are a lot of no blacks, no fems, and no Asians on their profiles.

More than likely the gay guys that you've described are already taken. Gay guys with those characteristics are a rarity but they do exist; however, they get snatched up pretty quickly as soon as they become available.

I want to date a white manly man that can fight, that is outgoing, cool to hang out with, an alpha male, that is Athletic and fit.

Uh, taking your ideal man from a stereotype in gay porn promises you many, many disappointments. The reason this guy seems to be in every second gay porn video, is a) many, many gay men want one, so the competition is fierceb) they are extremely rare in real life, so they can pick and chose.

Whenever someone wants to date a specific race, he's setting himself up for failure, because nobody wants to be dated because of their pigmentation.

Lumpyoatmeal saidAm I the only one going wtf? when I keep seeing these black guys saying that they only want to date white guys?

I tried to facetiously point it out, but he just thought I was being funny.

What's strange to me is that I don't have a problem with someone having preferences, racial or otherwise, but I don't see the need to verbalize it. Not even on something like grindr; if someone outside of your zone of preferences contacts you, you just find some polite way of brushing them off.

Lumpyoatmeal saidWhat's strange to me is that I don't have a problem with someone having preferences, racial or otherwise, but I don't see the need to verbalize it.

I agree with that, but it's really hard for some people to realize it. They don't see the difference between "having a personal preference" and turning it into a platform, which is exactly what you do when you post it on a public forum.

I think your idea of how to find your ideal man is based on a social-argumented fallacy.

I think of all of my friends straight and gay, and I also think if my own relationship. None of us are the same people we were a year ago. Some of us wanted to be teachers and turned into attorneys. Some of us wanted to work in PR and now own their own business.

What I'm saying is our interests changed, and the more we did, so did our preferences and standards. We all fell in love with people who accepted our growth and who allowed us to accept them.

My BF was a football player, now he's not so fit, and decided to change his career track. It was cool with me because I didn't fall in love with him as a football player, I fell in love with him.

Lumpyoatmeal saidAm I the only one going wtf? when I keep seeing these black guys saying that they only want to date white guys?

I tried to facetiously point it out, but he just thought I was being funny.

I never said you were being funny I said you were trying to be funny. There is a big difference. I know what you were trying to do, but the struggle is real! it is hard to find a real man in the gay world.

if you are 'real' enough for you then you'll find him. Drop all the nonsense talk about race, masculinity etc. and just look at men

This is the most ignorant thing I have read on this forum. People do not chose what they like. If I could then I would just marry a girl and get it over with.

I could not date a black, a fem, a fat, nor a old guy just like I could not date a girl. They do nothing for me.

It is ok to say you are gay and do not want to date a girl, but do not say you are not in to black guys... when it is the same thing!!!

This forum has too many haters

Ok Sherlock, try to keep up! Your sour attitude and discriminatory talk is a worse man-repellant than halitosis. Nobody said anything about you changing your likes and dislikes, just shut up about them. Go after men you're interested in and politely turn down those you're not. That wasn't too difficult for you, I hope.

if you are 'real' enough for you then you'll find him. Drop all the nonsense talk about race, masculinity etc. and just look at men

This is the most ignorant thing I have read on this forum. People do not chose what they like. If I could then I would just marry a girl and get it over with.

I could not date a black, a fem, a fat, nor a old guy just like I could not date a girl. They do nothing for me.

It is ok to say you are gay and do not want to date a girl, but do not say you are not in to black guys... when it is the same thing!!!

This forum has too many haters

Ok Sherlock, try to keep up! Your sour attitude and discriminatory talk is a worse man-repellant than halitosis. Nobody said anything about you changing your likes and dislikes, just shut up about them. Go after men you're interested in and politely turn down those you're not. That wasn't too difficult for you, I hope.

So that did not help at all ...Anyone have any advice on how to get a white top manly man ?