Friday, 9 December 2016

A Helluva Long Way for Heron Poo and a Beer...

When you live on the road you have to harden up pretty quickly. For starters I soon had to overcome my aversion to using public toilets! This was fairly easy as most of them are extremely good. Even so, I discovered I would rather hold on for dear life rather than use a long drop. This was the only downside at our first real camping stop. Wentworth Valley is owned by the Department of Conservation and is absolutely beautiful. Although it's only a few kilometres out of Whangamata, you feel as though you are deep in the bush, which is because you are! At just $13 a night it was a lovely place to stay. Quiet, spacious and private and very dog friendly too, which isn't the case with most DoC campgrounds. And in all honesty the long drop wasn't too bad; it was more the all consuming fear of mosquitoes biting my bum (there were a LOT of mosquitoes) which was the problem. Minnie absolutely loved it here and it was the perfect space to try out her 'playpen'. This is quite simply a sturdy 3 metre square gazebo from Bunnings, which we surround with a 12 metre roll of plastic netting ($30 also from Bunnings) and secure into place with reuseable velcro straps. This worked brilliantly and gave us the freedom to go tramping for a good couple of hours while she slept happily in the shade!

This was also the place where we christened our Weber Baby Q barbecue, affectionately known as Lieutenant Dan. This was our other major investment apart from the gazebo and cost $459. We did a lot of research before buying and found this was the most popular with others living on the road as you can literally cook anything on it from baking to a full roast, plus it is also really compact. You can purchase it as is, which we did, or pay more for removable legs. That's why we call ours Lieutenant Dan, because it's got no legs (you have to have seen Forrest Gump to get this one!) Anyway, with over 200 meals from a 9kg gas bottle, so far Dan has proved a very worthwhile investment.

Lieutenant Dan!

One thing Gareth and I had decided months ago was that as soon as all this house moving stuff was over and we hit the road, we were going to treat ourselves to a stay at Miranda Holiday Park. Miranda is the home of the largest natural hot mineral pool in the Southern Hemisphere and Gareth had never been. I reckoned we were long overdue a relaxing soak after all the upheaval and was keen to show him the Seabird Coast, which as its name suggests is a sanctuary for all kinds of wildlife. I stayed at the Holiday Park years before with my Mum and the boys when they were smaller and really enjoyed it. I was really looking forward to going again.

But back then I didn't have a dog. This time was very different and as we have learned, a four-star plus rating means nothing when it comes to real hospitality. I swear to God the lady at reception took one look at Gareth with his long hair and me with my tattoos and thought 'Mm-hmm, I'm keeping THOSE two FAR out of the way!' In fact she pretty much said as much. 'If you go over there in the corner you'll be out of the road', she said - whatever that was supposed to mean. So over in the corner we went, to the special segregated area for people with dogs. There were at least a dozen closer parks available but she couldn't have put us any further out of the way if she tried, right by the entrance under a large tree.

Seeing as we were treating ourselves to a hot soak, we also thought we would treat ourselves to a nice bottle of wine and some beer to celebrate finally getting on the road properly. Not to mention fish and chips at Kaiaua. This goes without saying. One simply does not visit Kaiaua without getting fish and chips from the award winning takeaways - ask anyone! And there was the bottle store right next door at the tavern. Except today it was closed. How could it be closed? It was NEVER closed! 'It's Monday. It's closed on a Monday', the chap at the takeaways explained. 'You'll have to go to the dairy at Waitakaruru 20 minutes away for wine and beer'. Gareth and I looked at each other. Well, we were planning to stay a couple of days, we guess it was worth the effort. So off we went. And as soon as we walked into the dairy we knew straight away it was a fruitless mission. 'We don't sell it any more', said the smiling staff. 'Next stop is Thames'. What the hell, what was another 20 minutes out of our way after all?

So off we went to Thames and stocked up before finally returning to our isolated spot in the corner. Quite possibly the most expensive grog I have ever bought all things considered! But in the end we were very glad of it, as not only were we stuck in the corner by ourselves, miles away from other guests and any amenities, we also had a pair of floodlights pointing directly into our van, so that we had to go out and cover the windows with towels in order to get any sleep. Oh - and that tree we were parked under? It had herons nesting in it. In the morning when we woke up, Gareth went outside and poor Batty was absolutely SMOTHERED in heron poo. The air turned a deep shade of blue as the poor chap had to climb onto the roof of the van in order to secure our bird-splattered belongings before moving on (as you can imagine, there was no way we were staying another night!) Our lovely new gazebo, our backpacks, you name it, they were all covered in poo. Do you think that lady knew all along what she was doing? We think she bloody did.

And so I went in to see her before we left. 'I'm sorry, but we will be checking out a little late', I smiled sweetly. 'Our van got absolutely covered in heron poo overnight and my partner needs a shower before we can leave'. 'Oh dear, that is unfortunate!' she chuckled. 'Yes, it really is', I agreed. 'You see, I'm a writer and I would have loved to take some photos but of course I can't possibly do that now', I said. 'Oh, well you could go and wash the van?' she immediately said. 'Go down the side of the building here and use our gear to wash it off. You won't mention the heron poo though I hope?' she asked. 'Oh don't worry', I beamed at her before making an exit. 'I'm always honest!'

About Me

Jackie Norman had her first work published at the tender age of seven and has been writing for both national and international newspapers, magazines and websites ever since. Also formerly known as Penny Wise from Simple Savings, Jackie is the co-author of 'The $21 Challenge' and has written a weekly column for That's Life! magazine for nine years under the same name.
In 2016, after more than a decade of whittling down her materialistic lifestyle, Jackie sold her home and now lives on the road permanently, travelling the length and breadth of NZ in a campervan called Ken with husband Gareth and faithful dog Minnie. You can follow their travels on Facebook at Riches Have Wheels, on Instagram @parsleymonious or in print each month in Motorhomes, Caravans & Destinations magazine.