Why I Yanked My Daughter From Her Jewish Day School In The Middle Of The Year

To date, my decision to pull my second grader from her Jewish Day School has to be the most emotional experience of my 30 plus years on this planet. It was harder for me than my divorce and even more tumultuous than nearly losing my mother to leukemia.

As a Jewish immigrant from the former USSR, I grew up in an unapologetic Zionistic home. I always knew when I had children, they would go to a Jewish Day school, one of which would teach them to take great pride not only in their Judaism, but in the State of Israel.

So why, after 6 years at the same Jewish School, did I abruptly pull my daughter from the only school she had known?

It wasn’t the typical “the more money a family gave, the more control they had over everything” private school issue.

It wasn’t the fact the administration couldn’t decide wether they wanted a Reggio approach to the school, a “Montessori like” plan, or some other new curriculum trend that was making its way in the educational circles.

It wasn’t even the fact that we had to supplement my daughter’s education with a tutor for two years on top of the thousands of dollars in tuition we were paying as we became more aware that the school’s secular curriculum was becoming sub par to the public school’s in our area.

I was determined to do whatever it took to keep my child in a Jewish Day School that would teach her Zionism, and being a Jew, was something to be loud and proud of. Especially in a world that was becoming bamboozled by the BDS movement.

So what could have possibly pushed me over the edge? A Facebook post by the Head of School.

I had to blink a few times to understand what I was looking at…

Did the Head of School at my daughter’s Jewish Day School just post anti-Israeli propaganda to our school’s PUBLIC Facebook page?!

I was floored. Even after having many unpleasant interactions with this Head of School discussing her numerous attempts to separate Judaism and Zionism, I was shocked to see she would stoop this low.

I quickly called a girlfriend of mine to express my utter disgust. She simply replied “what do you expect from someone who refused to fly the Israeli flag outside the school until you made a huge stink about it?”.

I had enough. In a world where so many have such hostile negativities towards the only Jewish State, I refuse to not only send my daughter to a school that participates in this sort of brainwashing, but also having to pay an arm and a leg for it.

42 comments

Hi. I’m curious: why would you think people would be interested in the story behind a private parental decision you made? Do you want to hear about all of my parental decisions as I go? I can take each and every decision I make and stretch it out paragraph style for you to read if you like. But I’m guessing you have no interest in that. Now apply that same feeling to others in regards to your story. 🙂

Hi there! Considering I run a Jewish blog so yes, I think quite a few people would be very interested in this sort of topic. The post also hit google, acquiring more than 200k views in less than 2 weeks. So to answer your question again, yes. I always love hearing from my audience so feel free to drop me an email if you wish!

You did the right thing. “Staying the course and engaging in dialogue” suggestions are off base. Obviously someone promoting UNRWA in Jewish school is fully aware of what they’re doing. They’re not naive or ignorant and their agenda is to brainwash your child. No amount of reasoning and pleading is going to change that. You need to convince other parents who still think that being Jewish is not just about Bagels and Lox to pull their kids out of that cesspool.

While the administration’s decision was troubling, it may have been more productive to stay engaged at the school and try to affectuate change. Chances are other families felt the same as you, and your collective voices could have proven to be powerful–you did pay their salaries. By leaving, you silenced yourself.

And what of your child? Is there another day school to attend? Or is it off to a more liberal public school? Did you child like the school and have friends there? While I understand your displeasure-outrage, the decision to withdraw has many consequences.

I think it was a hard choice, but the right one. I’m wondering where other parents stand on this. Unfortunately most st people won’t speak up. What you did takes courage. Can you start a petition that stops this insane, self destructive narrative in the school? Will parents sign it? Her behavior is anti Semitic. There cannot be a separation between Judaism and the love of Israel (Zion). It’s the new anti Semitism to say, they don’t have a problem with Jews, but they do with Zionism. It’s an oxymoron.

You made the right choice. TOO often parents seem to expect their children to do the work of adults. I hear this often with Chritisns whose children’s beliefs are derided at school. That is NOT the job of the children. Their job is to be educated. When teachers or Admins play politics it’s the parent’s job to fight! For your kids. Pull enough kids out and see the change.

You should have kept her in and taught her to teach such people to see the other side of things. I’d return her to school & not disrupt her life at this formative time & deal separately with this principal. Show him palwatch.org & memritv.org. Meanwhile, it’s more important to be concerned with authentic Judaism being taught to & practiced toward students in ostensibly Jewish schools. Teaching kids that we care for & support each other, particularly Israelis as they are under constant attack, is, to me, a way of supporting the modern state of Israel that’s more important than waving a flag at an Israeli Independence Parade. The rabbi of our Chabad shul, one of several in Las Vegas, says a prayer at the Torah on Shabbos & Yom Tov for Israeli soldiers among all the Jewish inhabitants of Israel. This, of course includes blessings for all good people there too as the Torah says several times that the nations of the world are blessed through the blessing of the Jewish people.

I think you misunderstand what ‘authentic’ Judaism is, and the degree of mental illness that people like the head of the school are suffering from. This past Shabbat we read about ‘tzara’at’, which was an affliction caused by issues like lashon hara; the afflicted were separated from the community. One does not expose young children to a school in which the authority figure indoctrinates something that you will have to constantly try to counter. Furthermore, people who are trying to spread this disease are not amenable to facts, context, or rational argument. First you educate the child, and let’s be clear, education includes advocating for a particular set of values; that’s why a Jewish value is
שמע בני מוסר אביך ואל תיתוש תורת אימך.
‘Listen, my son, to the traditions of your father, and don’t forsake the teaching of your mother’ (Mishlei-Proverbs, 31).

I agree with these sentiments completely. Pirkei Avos teaches us the importance of being exposed to people of similar Jewish values. Why risk harming your child unnecessarily. It is not the job of a child to fight the adult’s battles, but simply to learn the proper values and the Torah way of life. To the writer, you absolutely did the right thing. Yasher koach!

What is truly disturbing is that the head of the school actually posted this for public to see. All parents of children in any school must be aware of the politics being fed to their children – but at a Jewish school? Unbelievable. I am sharing your post on Fb.

I find the headmaster’s post completely in line with what 70+ percent of Jews believe today. In truth, we are a sick people, who have a death wish. As many times as those who wish us dead, have tried to obliterate us, we just come back for more. The liberal Jewish community is to be feared, for they will be the ones who by their actions will be responsible for our destruction. I am not Orthodox, in fact, I am what is probably considered a secular Jew. But I am proudest of my Jewish blood and my heritage. I revel at the fact that we Jews, as small a people as we are have survived for over 3,000 years at all odds. I loathe those who constantly preach that we need to bring into our homes and hearts those who, without thought, would murder us. I fear for my children and grandchildren. Unfortunately, our worst enemies have become our own people. And very specifically, those who head up Jewish organizations. It is a sad world we live in. As one rabbi once said to me when I asked him why Jews support those who hate us, he replied that they must suffer from a genetic flaw, which very few of us escaped.

What’s also upsetting is that instead of having the support of a majority of the parents in your private Jewish Day School to fire the Head of School you had to result in pulling out your child. If there aren’t more parents like you to speak up, the students of that school will be exposed to anti-Israel rhetoric which will only get worse.

It is a fact UNRWA is notoriously anti-Israel, I agree that the above post is upsetting, lets talk about why there is a blockade in the first place, and who calls for the annihliation of Israel in the first place!

Jewish Day Schools are one of the last places to build a really a strong Jewish identify in children being raised in America. It is very hard to instill pride in your Jewish idendittv without a connection to Israel when we are fast approaching a time when the majority of the worlds Jews live in Israel. Although it is great to engage high school students in debate over current events in Israel as you would about current events in the USA, for younger kids, you need to instill as interest and connection to Israel that makes them feel like it is their cultural homeland and important.

The fact that you see supporting Israel against propoganda like the one mentioned in my blog post is somehow tied to politics is truly sickening. My writing has NOTHING to do with politics but I’m seeing more and more when people don’t have an argument against logic, they quickly bring this topic into play.

Thank you! Thank you for having the moral clarity. For having courage and actually doing the right thing. As a fellow Russian Jew, and as a fellow parent, I understand what it takes and how challenging this decision is. As I was looking for a program to help my son prepare for anti-Israel onslaught while still in school, and not finding any that actually addressed the issues, I ended up starting a program myself! check it out, I’d love to offer this to NY community. clubzteens.org

During the Holocaust you had to be a hero to stand for Jews, now you need courage. You have courage and your daughter will appreciate it. Thank you.
Join Russian Jewish Community Foundation (RJCF.com) – proud Jewish community

You did the right thing. Israel makes you who you are. It’s like burning the flag. Who would do that. This lady has a rocky foundation. Teach your daughter yourself. And she will respect the family that she has. I think you did a courageous thing. And it will stand out to many parents !

What the principal did was not ok in the slightest! When are we going to stop apologizing for having a strong country that can defend herself? Good for you for not only standing up for the education of your daughter, but also for the State of Israel!

I cannot believe what I just read! Pity us all that this is what she did! Pathetic! Your friends should follow suit if they believe the Jews have a right to one tiny embattled country in this world. I live in it,and see how so many Jewish brothers and sisters in the USA sabotage us and spread lies about us! You are to be commended. This is really unbelievable ! We are our own sworst enemies! כל הכבוד!