Of all the Qur'anic passages about men
and women perhaps the one most often misunderstood or misused by
both Muslims and non-Muslims is verse 34 of Surah an-Nisa.
The English translation of this verse reads as follows:

"Men are (meant to be righteous and
kind) guardians of women because God has favored some more than
others and because they (i.e. men) spend out of their wealth.
(In their turn) righteous women are (meant to be) devoted and to
guard what God has (willed to be) guarded even though out of
sight (of the husband). As for those (women) on whose part you
fear ill-will and nasty conduct, admonish them (first),
(next) leave them alone in beds (and last) beat or separate them
(from you). But if they obey you, then seek nothing against
them. Behold, God is most high and great

.
(4:34)

The purpose of this article is to give a
detailed commentary on the verse in order to make it better
understood.

The verse begins with the statement that
"men are qawwamun over women". The root of the key
word, qawwamun (pl. of qawwam), is qama which
means "to stand or to make something stand or to establish
something". It is often used in the Holy Qur'an in the sense of
establishing religion or prayer. A related word is qa'im
which means "one who stands or makes something stand". Qawwam
is an intensive form of qa'im and has a sense of continuity
in the action involved. So it means one who is continuously standing
over something (as, for example, a guard or caretaker) or one who is
continuously making something stand, i.e. is maintaining it. In the
Qur'anic usage of qawwam and related words there is almost always
present an idea of propriety. For example, aqamah of salah
is not only praying but also praying properly. The function of
qawwam is also understood in the Qur'an to be characterized by
fairness. Thus in 4:134 and 5:8, the only other passages in the
Qur'an where the word is used, the believers are told:

"O you who believe! Be qawwamin
with fairness..."

"O you who believe! Be qawwamin
for God as witnesses to fairness..."

Thus to be a qawwam over something or
someone is to guard, maintain or take care of that something or
someone in a proper and fair manner. If there is any single word in
English that can convey the meaning of the word as used in the
present word it is probably the one used by Muhammad Pickthal,
namely, guardian.

After stating that men are qawwamun over
women the verse goes on to say why this is so. Two reasons are
given:

1)"Because
God has favored some of them more than others". It is not
explicitly stated here who is favored more than whom but in view of
the context it is probable that men are understood in some way to be
favored more than women. But in what way? Again no answer is given
in the verse under consideration or elsewhere in the Qur'an. But we
can justifiably take the reference to physical strength and energy
in which men generally excel women and which enables men to guard
women against some of the dangers to which they may be exposed in
society and to take care of some of their needs.

From the statement that God has favored
men more than women in some ways we should not conclude, as many
careless readers of the Qur'an do, that Islam views men superior to
women. For this statement does not exclude the possibility that in
some other ways women may be favored more than men. Indeed
observation shows that women are in general more patient, caring and
have a more developed intuition than men.

Moreover, the Holy Qur'an makes it clear
that while there are many favors of God that He bestows on His
creatures in different measures, there is only one favor which
determines the superiority of one member of the human species over
another and that is taqwa or God consciousness. Thus wealth,
strength, health, intelligence, position, education, etc. are all
favors of God but we cannot say that a wealthier person is superior
to a poorer person, a stronger person is superior is superior to a
physically feeble person and so on. we can say only that a more
muttaqi person is superior to a less muttaqi person. In
the words of the Holy Qur'an:

"The nobler among you in the sight
of God is the more muttaqi (righteous) among you."
(49:13)

Taqwa (righteousness, God consciousness)
is that divine favor of God on which the right use of all other
favors of God depends. The more of this quality of taqwa a person
has the more the other favors of God benefit him.

Thus the fact that man has been favored
in some ways more than woman does not automatically make him
superior to her. It is only when his taqwa is more than hers that he
can from the Qur'anic point of view be considered superior to her.
And when a person's taqwa increases to a worthwhile level the
question of his superiority does not interest him, for he or she
realizes that all praises are due to God.

2) The
first reason then why men are qawwamun over women is their
physical ability to protect women. The second is that "they (i.e.
men) spend out of their wealth." Although the Holy Qur'an permits
women to earn and own wealth, it expects that men will generally be
able to earn more than women because of the natural differences
between them. This means that they will generally be responsible for
the economic needs of women and this responsibility also makes them
qawwamun.

In thinking of men as qawwamun
over women we should not limit their role to mere protectors and
providers. Properly taking care of women requires more than ensuring
their physical security and providing food and shelter. It also
requires looking after their psychological and emotional needs which
can be summed up in terms of the need for love (30:21). Thus man's
role in the relationship between men and women (as husbands and
wives) generally consists of three things: protecting the woman,
looking after her economic needs and giving her love.

What is the woman's role in this
relationship? A brief statement follows about this in the verse:

"The righteous women are devout (qanitat) and
guard what Allah has willed to be guarded even though out of
sight."

Qanit
means one who is devoted to someone and out of love and devotion
obeys him or her. Outside of the present verse the word in its
various forms, occurs seven times and is used of both men and women.
In six out of these seven places, the object of devotion and
obedience is understood to be God, in one place it is God and His
Messenger. For this reason qanitat may simply mean "devoted
to God". In view of the context, the idea of devotion and obedience
to the husband may also be read into the word.

Since men are qawwamun over
their wives, they must have some authority to make decisions,
for a person cannot be an effective guardian or maintainer of
someone without having some decision making authority. And whenever
there is legitimate decision-making authority on one side, there is
some necessity of obedience from the other. In Hadith there are many
traditions which encourage women to be obedient to their husbands.
Some of these traditions are no doubt forged, being attempts by
later Muslims to subjugate their women(1),
but others look authentic(2).
Thus the Qur'an and Hadith do teach that women should obey their
husbands. But this "should" is not a "should" of moral or religious
obligation. The Qur'an and authentic ahadith do not command
women to be obedient to their husbands, so that it is not a sin on
their part if they sometime do not listen to their husbands. The
Qur'an and Hadith consider obedience to the husband as simply a
desirable quality of the wife.

In connection with the decision-making
authority of the husband and the wife's obedience to him, the
following further points should also be noted:

i) The
"authority" on the husband should not be thought of in terms of the
authority of a ruler or a boss. The very personal nature of the
relationship between husband and wife and the love and affection
which must characterize that relationship (30:21) should be
reflected in the way the husband exercises his authority. In
particular, he should always fully take into account her feelings on
every matter. In Islam, even rulers and bosses are ordered to take
into account the views of those in their charge; in case of husbands
this is all the more necessary and natural. Likewise, the obedience
of the wife to the husband should also reflect the personal and
tender nature of their relationship. In particular, it should not be
a forced obedience but rather should come naturally out of her love
and respect for the husband.

ii) If
a wife cannot sufficiently love and respect the husband to give him
the obedience he expects, then she can, if she so chooses, seek a
divorce which will necessarily be granted to her.

iii) The
decision-making "authority" of the husband should be restricted to
the area of responsibility (i.e. dealings with the society at large,
family budget, etc.) and should not become all-pervasive.

iv) The
obedience of the wife to the husband, like all obedience in Islam,
is only in what is right and proper. The wife can and indeed should
disobey any improper, un-Islamic, command of the husband, e.g., if
he commands her not to wear hijab.

"Guarding what God has (willed
to be) guarded" means guarding the
husband's honor and property as well as wife's own loyalty towards
him. "Even though out of sight" (li al-ghayb) refers
to the husband's honor and property when he is absent as well as to
the wife's secret feelings and thoughts which the husband cannot
perceive even if he is present. Thus in return for love, security
and financial support the husbands should give their wives,
righteous wives should give their husbands love, loyalty and
obedience and look after their interests with complete faithfulness.

This, however, describes an ideal
situation: a strong loving husband taking full care of the wife and
the wife giving him her faithful love, obedience and support. In
this situation the couple needs no marriage laws. The husband, for
example, does not need to be told to take care of the wife, for it
comes naturally out of his love for her. Likewise, the wife does not
need to be told to obey her husband and to be faithful to him
because all this is the natural result of the love and respect she
has for him. It is noteworthy that up to this point the Qur'anic
verse does not give any commands. It rather uses a descriptive
language: "men are qawwamun...", "righteous women
are qanitat...". In other words, the verse simply
describes the relationship between husband and wife as nature has
meant it to be.

Unfortunately, in a great many cases the
relationship between husband and wife, because of weaknesses on one
or both sides, falls short of the ideal described above. In many
cases, the husband and wife successfully make some adjustments
between themselves. In many other cases, however, an adjustment
becomes difficult. The remaining part of the verse under
consideration concerns such cases.

"As for those women on whose
part you fear nushuz..."
Before we go any further with the translation, it is important to
explain the meaning of the key word nushuz. The
literal meaning of the word is "rebellion". But rebellion against
whom and in what sense? We should certainly not think of this in
terms the rebellion of the ruled against a ruler in a sultanate or
dictatorship and conclude that it consists of the wife disobeying
some of the husband's commands. This is because the same word
nushuz is used in case of a husband in verse 128 of the same
surah 4, where it is said: "If a woman fears nushuz on her
husband's part..." So nushuz is something that can be
feared by the husband on the wife's part or by the wife on her
husband's part. It cannot therefore be understood in terms of the
ruler-ruled relationship. To correctly understand the meaning of the
word, it must be noted that both in the verse under consideration
and in verse 128 the reference to nushuz is followed by a
reference to the break-up of the marriage (see vv. 35, 130). If this
context is kept in mind, then it becomes evident that nushuz
means the type of behavior on the part of the husband or the wife
which is so disturbing for the other that their living together
becomes difficult.

Now the behavior of a marriage partner
can become disturbing for the other in one of the following two
ways:

1) There
is no ill-will on the part of the offending party. It is simply
because of some incompatibility between the two or the failure on
the part of one to understand the other that one of them finds some
aspect of the other's behavior disturbing.

2) One
partner knowingly behaves or continues to behave in a way which
seriously disturbs the other partner. In this case there is
obviously an ill-will on the part of the first partner towards the
second.

Nushuz
is only this second type of behavior, for only a deliberate
ill-conduct based on ill-will can be described as "rebellion".

There is also a measure of relativeness
about nushuz in the sense that what constitutes
nushuz in the eyes of one person may not be so viewed by
another. For this reason, the judgment that one's spouse has been
guilty of nushuz is partly a subjective and personal one.
That is why the verse says: "If you fearnushuz..."
instead of for example, "if you findnushuz...". In
the Holy Qur'an "fearing" signifies subjective but certain,
knowledge or judgment about something.

In short, nushuz is a behavior on
the part of one marriage partner which comes out of ill-will and
seriously disturbs the other partner.

Let us now proceed further with
the verse and see what does it suggest in case of "those women on
whose part you fear nushuz".(3) Three steps
are recommended: "Admonish them (first),
(next) leave them alone in beds (and last) beat them or separate
them (from you)."

When there is no ill-will on the part of
the wife towards the husband and he finds her behavior hard to live
with, he can, of course, divorce her. But marriage difficulties
often start with a stage when neither partner really wants a
break-up of the marriage and yet, at least from the point of view of
one of the partners, the situation is unacceptable. The three steps
suggested in the verse pertain to such circumstances.

"Admonish them". In this step the
husband can say a great variety of things to the wife. He can bring
to her attention some relevant teachings from the Qur'an and Hadith.
He can remind her of the adverse effects of a possible break-up of
marriage on all concerned - she herself, the children, if any, and
he himself. Such admonition however, will be effective only if the
husband has a good character, at least in comparison with the wife.
Otherwise, the wife can say to him, either in her heart or aloud,
"look who is talking".

The husband must practice what he
preaches to his wife, for the Qur'an condemns preaching to others
what we do not practice ourselves (2:44).

"leave them alone in beds". There
is a lot that a husband can achieve by talking to the wife in the
right way. But if he fails, he should try leaving the wife alone in
bed and take other steps that go with such an action, e.g. avoiding
to talk to her. If there had ever been any love between the two,
this separation while living together, may help that love to return
or come to the forefront. The wife may, as a result, become more
willing to change her ways and the husband too may begin to see some
of the things in a different light. For this suggestion of
suspending sexual relations to work it is clear that the husband
should have sufficient control over his sexual urges. For, otherwise
he may be driven to end the separation in bed before it had any
positive effect on the wife.

"beat them or separate them (from
you)". If even suspension of sexual relations fails to work,
then it is suggested that men use dharb. This word has almost
universally been translated here as "beating". Such a translation is
supported by some passages in the Qur'an where the word does mean
smiting or striking (2:60, 61, 73, 8:12, 50, 7:160 etc). But in many
other Qur'anic passages there are other meanings of the word. Thus
the word can mean constructing or coining something such as coining
mathal or similitude (14:24, 16:75-76, 30:28, 36:27 etc). The
word is also used to separate two things. In 20:77 it is used of the
splitting of the sea to make a way for the children of Israel to
escape and in 57:13 it is used of making a wall to separate the two
groups of people in the hereafter. Leaving, withdrawing or taking
away is the meaning in 43:5. In 13:17 the word is used of separating
truth and falsehood. The word can also mean campaigning or traveling
in the land, e.g., for the purpose of trade (2:273, 73:20).

In the present context, the Qur'anic
usage allows two meanings: 1) separating from the wives in the sense
of living apart from them, 2) beating them. The Arabic language also
allows a third meaning: 3) have sex with them. The first meaning
fits the context well, for some kind of physical separation is a
very understandable step after suspension of sexual relations does
not work. The second meaning is more natural from a linguistic point
of view and has the support of a strong consensus among the
commentators. The third meaning has no support in the Qur'anic
usage. In the rest of this commentary, we consider the question: how
is "beating", if that is what is intended in the verse, is to be
interpreted in the light of the passage as a whole and the general
teaching of the Qur'an.

In this connection, it must be
immediately noted that there is no warrant here in this verse for
wife battering. The suggestion to use beating is made specifically
to deal with nushuz on the part of the wife, that is,
to deal with her deliberately nasty behavior that poses a threat to
the marriage. Beating is to be done after due admonition and
suspension of sexual relations and therefore by husbands who have
some moral standards and have sufficient control over their sexual
passions. Moreover, this beating is not to go on and on but is to be
tried as a last step to save the marriage. Once it is clear that it
is not working it is to be abandoned in favor of some other steps
involving relatives of the husband and the wife mentioned in the
next verse (4:35). There is therefore, absolutely no license here
for the type of regular and continual wife beating that goes on in
some homes, where each time the husband is angry with his wife or
with someone else he turns against her and beats her up. In most
such cases, the husband has no moral superiority over the wife: the
only rule of Shari'ah that he cares about is this suggestion
about beating. He also does not have the kind of control over his
sexual passions needed to separate the wife in bed and often beats
her the day before or the day after making love to her, an action
specifically condemned by the Prophet.(4)

In regard to the suggestion about
beating, the following further points should also be noted:

a) According
to some traditions the Prophet said in his famous and well-attended
speech on the occasion of his farewell pilgrimage that the beating
done according to the present verse should be ghayr mubarrih,
i.e. in such a way that it should not cause injury, bruise or
serious hurt. On this basis some scholars like Tabari and Razi say
that the beating should be largely symbolic and should be
administered "with a folded scarf" or "with a miswak or some
such thing". However, it is not clear how such a beating can help
overcome nushuz of the wife, a point that supports the first
meaning of dharb. If dharb is translated as "beating",
as most commentators do, then "beating" should be effective in its
purpose of shaking the wife out of her nushuz. This means
that it should provide an energetic demonstration of the anger,
frustration and love of the husband. In other words, it should
neither seriously hurt the wife nor reduce it to a set of
meaningless motions devoid of emotions. As for the argument that the
Prophet intensely disliked beating, we can say that his intense
dislike was for the type of beating done outside the limits set down
by God.

b) The
wife has no religious obligation to take the beating. She can ask
for and get divorce any time. The suggestion applies only in the
case when the husband is seriously disturbed by a prolonged nasty
behavior on the part of the wife but neither he nor the wife is as
yet seriously thinking of breaking up.

c)If the husband beats a wife without
respecting the limits set down by the Qur'an and Hadith, then she
can take him to court and if ruled in favor has the right to apply
the law of retaliation and beat the husband as he beat her. In our
view the saying attributed to the Prophet on the authority of `Umar
that a husband will not be asked on the day of judgment about why he
beat his wife is not a part of the authentic teaching of Islam.

d) Some
Muslim jurists are of the opinion that beating is permissible but
not advisable. They base their view on the fact that the Prophet
intensely disliked the action. But to say that beating is only
permissible but never advisable is to say that there is never any
good in it but the husband can nevertheless resort to it if he wants
to; in other words he can beat up his wife without any good reason.
This, however, is a view that cannot possibly be attributed to the
Book of God. We can expect the Holy Qur'an to mention beating only
if there was some wisdom in that mention. Therefore, if we translate
dharb as "beating" we must not be apologetic but ask what is
the wisdom behind the Qur'anic suggestion. There could be, it seems,
two possible points of wisdom in the suggestion of dhard in
the sense of "beating".

First,
the beating done within the limits defined by the Qur'an may indeed
bring the husband and wife to some kind of understanding. This is
not because of the pain involved, which in any case cannot be too
much if the guidance in the Qur'an and Hadith are to be observed.
Rather, the husband and wife may come closer together after beating
because of the emotions involved. The wife may experience the
depth of hurt and disturbance her nushuz is causing and if
there is any love left among them may decide for that reason
to change her conduct. It seems from observations of human behavior
that a show of male physical energy can sometimes bring a woman out
of a prolonged bad mood (5) even though this energy may be seemingly
directed against her in the form of angry words or a slap, provided
in this manifestation of energy there is an undercurrent of love and
desire for the woman and no real harm is done to the woman. In the
situation with which the present verse is dealing, it is understood
that in his heart the husband does have some love and desire for the
wife. For, he has the option of divorcing her but he is not taking
that option. Of course, there are husbands who neither love their
wives nor divorce them, but keep them to punish them or exploit
them. But we are not dealing with this situation here, since the
assumption is that ill-will (nushuz) is from the wife's
side.

Second,
the mention of beating may have the wisdom, ironically, to protect
wives against what is called wife battering. The Qur'an does not
always combat undesirable behavior by legal prohibition but by some
other means. Experience also shows that legal prohibition of an
action may not always be the most effective method to stop it. The
Qur'an by requiring that before any beating there should be
admonishing and suspension of sexual relations is providing a more
effective measure against wife battering, since battering is the
result of uncontrollable anger or aggression and this anger or
aggression can be tamed during admonishing and suspension of sexual
relations. No statistics exist, but I feel confident that if we
research the behavior of men in different religious groups over a
long enough period and a vast enough area of the globe, we will find
that the incidents of cases of wife battering and other forms of
cruelty to women have been less, both in terms of numbers and
seriousness, among Muslims than in other groups.

"But if they obey you, then seek
nothing against them".
Here obey means that the wife accepts the husband's fair and
justified demands or expectations. "Seek nothing against them" means
that after the wife has abandoned nushuz and returned to the
decent way one partner in marriage should behave towards the other,
the husband should forgive and forget the past and start a new page.

"Behold, God is most high and great".
These words are meant for both the husband and the wife. Above them
both is God in whose name they were joined in marriage. The husband
should not forget that the greater physical strength and the
superior earning power which give him a certain advantage in
marriage comes from God. He should not, therefore, try to push this
advantage to unjustified limits. In particular, he should not expect
to be the lord and master of the wife.

At the same time the wife should realize
that her nasty behavior is causing a lot of unhappiness to all the
family, to herself, to the husband and to the children and other
close relatives. She cannot do this to the near ones without
displeasing God and without paying for it in some way.

Notes

(1)To
the category of forged traditions encouraging women to be obedient
to their husbands may safely be relegated the hadith in which the
Prophet is reported to have said: "If I were to order anyone to
prostrate himself before another, I would order a woman to prostrate
herself before her husband" (Tirmidhi, Ahmad). This hadith stands in
marked contrast to the whole of the Qur'an and most other ahadith.
To be sure the Qur'an and Hadith recognize that in the marriage
relationship men have greater responsibilities and therefore also a
degree of greater rights, but they do not see this degree in terms
that can translate into the kind of subservience of women to their
husbands implied in this particular hadith. In fact, masters have
greater rights over their slaves than husbands over their wives, as
also parents (especially mothers) over their children and yet the
Qur'an and Hadith nowhere say that masters or parents are like majazi (figurative, metaphorical) Gods for their slaves
or children. How then can husbands be majazi Gods for
their wives?

(2)A
hadith which talks about the obedience of the husband by the wife
and against whose authenticity there seems to be no strong arguments
is quoted by Nasa'i and Bayhaqi on the authority of Abu
Hurayra. It reads:

"The best wife is the one who pleases
(her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a
command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or
property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

Notice that this hadith is consistent
with the Qur'an in that it does not command women to be obedient to
their husbands but simply considers such obedience a desirable
quality of a wife.

(3)When
a husband dislikes something about the wife without the wife having
any nushuz or ill-will towards him, he should continue the
marriage relationship in a maruf way as far as possible,
remembering that

"if you dislike them (i.e. your
wives), it may be that you dislike something and God brings
about through it a great deal of good." (4:19)

(4)The
Prophet said: "(How odd it is that) one of you should whip his wife
as a slave is whipped and then sleep with her at the end of the
day". (Bukhari and Muslim, on the authority of `Abdallah bin Zam'a)

(5)In
movies, for example, one often sees the following type of scene: a
man and a woman love each other but in some matter the woman simply
does not want to listen to the man even though she realizes deep
down that he is thinking for the good of both of them. The man tries
all the tender ways to bring the woman around to his point of view
without any success. Frustrated, the man at last bursts into anger
and gives the woman a slap. This shakes the woman out of her mood
and she falls on his shoulders, with both happier than
before. Of course, movies are no guide for us but sometimes they do
represent human nature and life as it is.