If you’re reading this on a laptop that’s in your lap, I predict that your laptop placement will change within the next two minutes.

Italian researchers measured electromagnetic field (EMF) emissions from five brands of laptops. Their suggestion: Don’t call them “laptops.”

The concern is that the term “laptop” will “induce customers towards an improper use.” Or, put another way… Your lap is one of the worst places to put your laptop.

Two reasons…

1) When a pregnant woman uses a laptop in her lap, the power supply produces strong electric current densities in both the fetus and mother. These densities are higher than recommended, whether you’re pregnant or not.

2) For men, laptop use in the lap reduces sperm motility. Or, as George Costanza might put it, “Your boys won’t swim.” The power supply may compromise sperm DNA as well.

The Italian team doesn’t offer any suggestions for a new name for laptops. Throughout their study, they refer to them as LTCs.

Hmmm… LTC. Not very catchy.

“Notebook” isn’t bad. But that term is already used for smaller laptops.