Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Zombie Lovin': What Is Up With The Undead?

by
Terri Garey

When did zombies become the new black? Zombies are everywhere these days, including zombie romance. When I first heard the concept, I was baffled; how could love, sex and romance work if you (or your partner) were one of the undead? What if you kissed and your lips fell off? (Just kidding! Kinda.)

Anyway, one day last year, just for fun, I took a moment to imagine how in the world one could mix love with lividity, and came up with this short little pre-Halloween, tongue-in-cheek tale I'd like to share with you. I must warn you, if you haven't read my books yet, you're about to find out that I have a slightly weird sense of humor. :-) But if, like me, you don't mind a giggle or two at the expense of the undead, read away, and enjoy:

LOVE STINKS, AND SO DOES YOUR BREATH by Terri Garey

“Is that a femur in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

Donna snuggled in closer to Derek, brushing the dark hair from his eyes with one hand. Unfortunately, a clump of it remained in her fingers, and she knew this particular boy toy’s time was limited. That was the problem with zombies—their shelf life was much too short, the pesky problem of decomposition being one she hadn’t solved yet.

Even embalming didn’t help, and she didn’t care for waxy buildup on her fingers any more than she did her floors.

“Brought you a present,” Derek murmured, with a lopsided grin, “for our two-week anniversary.” His breath reeked of blood and sausages, which made sense considering his job at the local meat packing plant. With a flourish, he whipped a hand from behind his back, and offered her his prize.

“How sweet,” Donna squealed. “It’s a heart!”

“Yeah, baby,” he answered smugly, blood dripping between his fingers. “A fresh one. Nothing but the best for my girl.”

“Awww,” Donna said, “I got you a present, too.” She let go of him long enough snatch her purse up from the bed. Digging inside, she brought up an object about three inches long. Picking off a piece of lint before handing it to him, she announced, “I usually wait at least a month before giving my boyfriend the finger!”

Derek and Donna both died laughing, which was long overdue, considering Donna had been dead for two centuries, and Derek for two weeks.

She eyed him with regret as she giggled, knowing his laughter would soon be a thing of the past, much like Horatio’s, the guy who’d gotten her into this fix. It had been Horatio’s idea to visit the cemetery in Edinburgh that night two hundred years ago. Bodysnatching had been a good way to earn some quick cash back then, unless your body happened to be the one that got snatched, of course.

Poor Horatio, she’d known him well, until that shovel had come out of nowhere, and smashed his head in. The doctor who’d done it hadn’t hit her hard enough, though, and she’d woken up in his laboratory to find him on top of her. After that, what was a ghoul to do except defend herself? It was only after she’d killed the doc with his own dirt-encrusted shovel that she’d found the secret book lying on his desk, in plain sight, and learned the ancient grimoire’s secrets about how to reanimate the dead.

“Hey, baby,” Derek said, interrupting her musings. “I got a perfectly good boner going to waste here.” He grabbed her hips and pulled her close again. “What say we get naked and put it to good use, hm?”

Donna smiled. She’d learned a few secrets about herself that night, too, including how her brush with death and her newfound ability to reanimate dead flesh left her with a taste for more of it. Immortality had cost her soul, but she was pretty sure she didn’t need it where she was going.

“Absolutely,” she answered, with a smile that revealed her own teeth, pearly white and perfect. Her eyes glowed red as she began to tug his shirt from his pants. “No use letting a good piece of meat go to waste."

Lest you think I'm overstating the global resurgence of interest in zombies, I'll leave you with this video of the annual "Thrill the World" event, where people all over the globe join together at the same time to dress in zombie costume and dance to Michael Jackson's "Thriller", in an annual attempt to break the Guinness World Record for "largest simultaneous Thriller dance":

In 2009, 22,923 people danced in 278 separated yet coordinated events taking place in 32 different countries, raising over $85,000 USD for 80 charities! This year's event takes place all over the world on October 23rd, 2010.

So what about you? Zombie-lover, or not such a fan? Would you ever participate in an event like "Thrill the World"? Tell me your thoughts for a chance to win a signed copy of my first novel, DEAD GIRLS ARE EASY.

Katie, I have to agree with you... the Amanda Feral books were certainly innovative and well-written, but when she and her friend unhinged their jaws and ate their first hapless victims, I'm afraid that was "it" for me! LOL

I'm afraid I can't wrap my {koff} brain around the idea of a zombie lover ... but zombies as antagonists? I'm warming to it. I just started Alden Bell's THE REAPERS ARE THE ANGELS and I can't get it out of my mind.

Not much on Zombies I must say..I like them okay if they are scary... you know Night of the Living Dead kind but romance..I just can't really see myself going there..lol something about roting flesh is such a turn off. :)

Now I have read some books that were about people who put zombies back into thier resting places after they come back because of unfinished business..You are So Undead to Me and Undead Much by Stacey Jay and they weren't to bad but don't think I could do the romance thing...bleck.

Your story is awesome. Had me laughing! And zombie movies? Yes. Zombie love? Not so much. Though to be fair I have to admit I haven't read any zombie books yet so I have no basis for judgment. It just sounds too icky!

--But still not into zombies--I haven't seen/read much, and there's probably a lot of good stuff out there, but I'm happy with witches, and werewolves, and vampires, and ghosts (and humans)!

Does anyone remember the movie, My Boyfriend's Back?--it was a zombie movie way before they were popular (again)...If you don't remember, it's probably ok--it was kind of so-so, but would probably be campy and fun to watch these days

Not sure I'm big on zombies. Of course I haven't really been exposed to them but for a few handful of books, and normally they are not nice guys.

The Thrill the World charity event sounds interesting. It's a real unique way of raising money. I would likely participate in it if there were more details. And if someone I knew would go along with me. Not a good dancer at all!

I could do w/ zombie loving as long as the zombies aren't decomposing like in the short (which was fun btw, kinda sad there wasn't more!) I found a YA book called "Generation Dead" that had to do w/ zombies in a new way. But other than that, I haven't read many books were the zombies aren't the bad guys.

I like zombie books! Daniel Waters YA series Generation Dead is really good if you haven't heard of those. I also love zombies in movies like Zombieland and Resident Evil that were mentioned earlier. I don't think I would participate in the Thrill the World event, but I would watch it!

This post was rather timely. You see, I had a bit of a nightmare last night that involved zombies (one was coming at me demanding 'champagne' not the usual brains...) and even though to think about it in the cold light of day it was rather amusing, in the wee hours of last night it really wasn't.

So thanks for helping me laugh at a monster I'm not usually a fan of!

Zombies as lovers? No, just no. I would, however, happily participate in a 'Thrill the World' event - those dance moves in the film clip are fun!

Love the story, Terri--altho' I guess I'm with the crowd on passing up zombie love, by and large. As you say, the whole decay & decomposition thing, urrgh ... Although I did love "Sean of the Dead" and on a more serious note, "World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War." (By Max Brooks.)

First off, I loved the story! I was going to say I laughed my head off, but that could be taken literally, so let's just say I laughed. A lot!I have to agree with a lot of people here, I love zombie movies (especially Night of the Living Dead and Shaun of the Dead), but zombies and romance? Not so much. Give me a passionate vampire any day, zombies just creep me out!

I haven't really read any zombie books I don't think (I don't do scary), at least not any with zombie main characters. Zombie lovin' kinda eeks me out. I think I verbally eeked on, “No use letting a good piece of meat go to waste." HeheYou'd have to find some way, (magic, scientific formula, something) to stop parts from falling off. Again, eek. If you got past that though I'd probably be good to go on them.

Zombieland rocked! That'd be cool to get a group together and join in on that event.

Love me a good zombie :0 Best zombie romance I've read was a short story in an antho I'm in - Scary Kisses. Not only did love overcome zombie-ism, it was a lesbian love story and very poignant and moving. Just lovely.

I haven't read any zombie love stories but I'll probably read anything zombie. But my love of zombies only goes as far as books and movies. I really liked Married with Zombies by Jesse Petersen. It was a real fun book. It was funny and the zombie fun starts right away.

I'm not into Zombies, The whole eating brains is a little unsetteling for my stomach. Which is weird cause I do like vampires and sucking blood is something I'm ok with... Anyway I'm more into ghosts and witches.

I do enjoy zombies, but in a humor way, like your story or Mark Henry's Amanda Ferral series. Or I'll take my Zombies as the threat with the hero doing their bes to get out...like I Am Legend or Resident Evil.