First Things First: Michael

Gay Relationships: Start Flirting Like a Superstar (And Have Guys Begging for Your Phone Number) - Part One

You look across the crowded bar to the target of your interest on the other side of the room. He’s dashingly handsome in a leather jacket, leaning up against the wall watching the videos on the TV screen as he sips at his beer. He senses your presence and shifts his eyes in your direction to meet your gaze. He holds the eye contact briefly before looking away. Moments later, he looks back and connects with your eyes again, this time holding the gaze a little bit longer.

You slightly raise your eyebrows and shoot him a quick smile. Your heart pounds with anticipation as he nods his head once and cracks a return smile. Green light—he’s interested! You take a deep breath as you plunge into the crowd, making your way toward the hottie across the room to make your introduction.

Flirting is an art form in which you use both verbal and nonverbal communication to express your interest in someone. My confession is that during my single days, I was horrible at it! My best friend and I would parade all over the gay district in Chicago and he always seemed to be able to charm everyone we encountered while I didn’t have a clue as to what I was doing.

How does a man with flirt with another man?

"I'lI either be too self-conscious to risk approaching someone or I wouldn’t know how to respond to the other guys’ advances, sabotaging the moment by being too nervous, looking away, or just not even recognizing the signs of being “hit on.” I chock a lot of that up to being a function of having just “come out”, not being fully secure with myself yet, and still trying to learn the ropes of gay dating. But one thing became very clear and that was that flirting is a skill. Some people are more adept at it with their extroverted personalities and creativity, while others have to work at it more and cultivate it to their own personal style

Anyone can learn how to flirt. The key to effective flirting is to be yourself and not be something you’re not as a way to impress someone. That’s a form of deception and you can come across as phony or contrived. If used the right way, flirting can open doors to getting to know lots of new people and can be a great way to start conversations with men you might be interested in.

This article explores the world of flirting and offers tips on how to integrate this skill into your dating quests so that you’ll pique the curiosities of possible love interests who will then want to get to know you better—and perhaps compel them to give you their phone numbers!

Flirting Is Not Cruising:

Before going any further, a distinction needs to be made between flirting and cruising. Cruising is a behavior in which one’s main purpose in “cozying up” to someone is to have sex with him. Here, we are discussing flirting, which is a behavior or an ice-breaker toward meeting and getting to know someone for possible dating and companionship. Both are very different and easily confused.

As gay men in particular, our gay culture tends to be very sexualized and you must be mindful of the difference between flirting and cruising as you mingle with other men so you don’t send the wrong signals and sabotage your efforts. One client of mine once said, “There are so many game-players out there that whenever I’m approached by a guy who shows interest in me, I’m immediately suspicious that all he’s after is sex and to get down my pants; especially if I’m in a bar setting.” So be cognizant of your approach to ensure you’re projecting the right message and image you want to convey.

The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

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