"We've been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture."
~Reverend Ray Mummert

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Tell Me What You Believe So I Can Believe It Too

Much as we hate to admit it, the inescapable fact is we're going to have to elect somebody president if there's anything left of the country when Bush gets done. And even if there isn't, after all these folks have invested of other people's money in crafting a media image that corresponds to data collected from numerous focus groups and having their beliefs created by top of the line pollsters, whoever wins, or has the best Diebold voting machine hackers, will want to live in the White House even if all they do is chase the rats out and try to keep roving gangs of starving urban refugees from looting the place for firewood.

So, as a public service we here in the marbled halls of IM Central are going to simplify your life by telling you to vote for Hillary. She's going to win anyway. It's in all the papers, and she's the only one of the clot of candidates that has successfully been on all sides of every issue, but hasn't had the press look past her cleavage. In other words, the perfect choice: A president who agrees with everything, and a Em Ess Em with four years worth of booby stories. Check out her latest defense of lobbyists:

The subject of lobbyists' contributions came up. Edwards and Obama do not take such contributions, and Clinton was asked about why she does. "Well, duh. Because that's where the money is," she responded. "Why do you think we have elections anyway?"

Clinton said she has fought against special interests for many years. "My record on standing up and fighting for people really speaks for itself," she said. "Well, when it's not speaking for Morgan Stanley."

Clinton added that "A lot of those lobbyists, whether you like it or not, represent real Americans such as nurses, teachers and others who need a voice in the halls of government." Speaking as professional educators, we'd like to thank senator Clinton for her work on our behalf. Umm...what was that you did for us again senator?

Well, no matter. You can get back to us on that. See, the point is, whatever the issue, Clinton agrees with both sides, so who better to bring this fractured nation together. As long as she doesn't have to actually do anything other than agree, but hey, look at the last seven years. Do you really want another president who does stuff?