Persuading kids to put a lid on the potty talk

Giving it any attention at all is a mistake. Any verbal reaction will only give them something to make you react the next time. Don't give it any attention. If they don't think it is bad or clever, they will give up on repeating it.

— Jean Rubinson

We started young teaching our kids that potty talk can only happen in the bathroom. If they used inappropriate words outside of the bathroom, they received a warning. If they did it again, they had to go spend time-out minutes (one minute per child's age) in the bathroom. This stopped the potty talk early, so we didn't have to work on it later. This approach might be effective if all else fails.

— Paula Glenn

The most appealing part of potty talk is that it bothers the adults. Pick a private time and when the potty talk starts, join in. Laugh loud. Be disgusting. After all, you know way more ways to talk gross than the kids do. Kids find it repulsive and appalling when the adults, especially mom, come down to their level. It really takes all the fun out of it. Experience tells me that when they don't get a rise out of you, this particular problem will stop.

— Bonnie Piot

Expert advice:

"I hate to be the one to break it to you, but potty talk is hilarious," says Brett Berk, early childhood expert and author of "The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting" (Three Rivers Press, $13.95).

We're inclined to disagree, but an inordinate number of Ben Stiller movies involve toilet scenes, and they always seem to find an audience. So maybe Berk is on to something. Still, must we listen to it day in and day out?

"Trust me, most folks outgrow it," Berk says. "But if hearing your kid regularly say 'poo' and 'butt' is really that intolerable, as with anything you're trying to put the kibosh on, use my patented E.A.R. method. It's not a magic bullet — one doesn't exist — but if applied regularly, I guarantee it will work."

Explain: Calmly tell them what your rules are. ("We don't use that kind of language at the dinner table.")

Adjust: Give them the scaffolding needed to comprehend this information. ("It's gross to talk about that stuff when we're trying to eat.")

Redirect: Provide them with viable and approved options for what they can do instead. ("You can say that all you want in the bathroom, or when you're alone in your bedroom.")

Berk also endorses "the co-option option," which he used often when he was a preschool director in New York City.

"Set aside one time of the week — Tuesdays after dinner, in the car ride to soccer practice on Saturday, in the bathtub Friday night — where the kids are allowed to say whatever disgusting stuff they want for 2 full minutes," he says. "But make it so that in order to earn this privilege, they need to keep their language clean for the rest of the week. It will get it out of their system, and I'm willing to bet they won't be able to fill the time."

And rest assured: Your kids' potty humor is completely age-appropriate and in no way a cause for alarm.

"As with making mud pies, being smeared with chocolate, and splashing in puddles, kids are developmentally hardwired to transgress and to find enjoyable things that we think are disgusting," Berk says. "It's how they figure out the boundaries of safety and propriety. Again, it's also fun."

Got a solution?

Your peanut-allergic daughter just entered grade school and suddenly feels embarrassed by her allergy. How can you help her cope? E-mail us your thoughts at parenthood@tribune.com. Find "The Parent 'Hood" page on Facebook, where you can post your parenting questions and offer tips and solutions for others to try.