This headline shows why it is so important for journalists to read their work before submitting it in order to make sure it comes out right. That or else these really were some incredibly hip microbes.

So we're all in agreement: we're going to round up all the headline authors in the world and force them to live together on a isolated island. They'll be happy thinking up Lord of the Flies puns, and we'll be happy letting normal people write headlines like: "first microbes breathed sulfur" -- and stop there.