Working Mum's, Real Life, Real Issues, Real People

It’s been a while…..!

by helenturley2013 on May 9, 2014

Wow! I have just checked and it appears to be December of last year when I last wrote a post. I guess that’s the beauty of blogging though, once set up it can be added to as and when you feel like it. For me, it’s an online journal. So what’s been going on? Lots has happened since Christmas, most of it good. In fact, if I think hard enough, all of it’s good! I’m not however going to go through all of that during this post as I would prefer to focus upon the present. The one thing I will say however is that my sister has finished all of her treatment and is now considered cancer free! RESULT!

I think today I may just ponder. Offer some ‘musings’ if you will! Let’s start with some lessons learned:

You can only help people to a point

Sometimes people just don’t like the decision you make

You get out only what you put in

Not everyone will like you all of the time

I think these above bullet points are quotes many of us spout perhaps on a daily basis. When you break them down, each one contains logic and common sense. As humans, we just forget.

I love helping people and to a certain degree I think many individuals thrive from this. It’s part of our natural instinct to please others by offering assistance as and where we can. This may sometimes be help offered in daily life, simply out of kindness. It could be that your job role requires you to aid people in order to fulfil a particular role. At times we go a step further in order to please others and to make sure they have the very best. We may even go two, three, four or more steps further, always wanting to please and to ensure the well-being of others. Over the last couple of months I have learned that in reality you can only do so much to help people and often, the more you give the more they are willing to take. As harsh as this sounds, it’s my thinking that these so called takers probably don’t even realise they are doing it and in that in reality, they never really wanted to be helped in the first place. After all….. it’s always easier to blame a failure on someone else rather than look at the actual root cause. My point is (I’m sure most of you who have read my blogs before are used to my warbles), I would hate to go completely the opposite way and become so bitter that I never offered anyone additional help but trying to find that balance can prove difficult. So, my lesson learned here is to remain professional at all times. Offer help where required, additional help if requested but don’t let people take liberties. I am one person. I can only do so much. Finally, DON’T feel guilty about others shortcomings – IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

Wow – things got a bit heated there! Shall we move on?

Sometimes we need to make difficult decisions and on occasion we know that these will not please others. I love the above caption as it seems to engulf everything I believe yet find hard to practise (I am sure you will be familiar with the following)! So, ‘Own Your Decision’. I find that once I have considered my options and decided on an outcome or way forward, I am able to ‘own’ my decision and be confident in the reasoning behind it. I don’t necessarily sit down and create a spreadsheet listing all possible outcomes because that would just be silly and extremely OCD. Or do I….? Who knows! Anyway, decision has been made and owned. Information is passed along to all parties involved. Time to sit back and wait for the (dying to say s**t to hit the fan, but I won’t) people to voice opinions and concerns. To be fair, everyone is allowed their own opinions and should have the option to relay these – in my world, this should be done in a positive and ‘grown-up’ manor. Should two people not be able to agree then that’s ok – agree to disagree then move on! This is all about taking responsibility for the initial decision made. Believe in it, follow it through and be responsible.

Setting the Boundaries – something I do automatically (in other words, without the use of a spreadsheet):

Always remain calm during conversation

Do not be walked over

You have made your choice, stick to it, believe in it

Next on the list, ‘Face the emotion’ – eek! This is a tough one for me. Emotion…… ‘Will they feel bad’? ‘Will they still like me’? ‘What if they talk about me behind my back’? ‘What if they decide to plot against me’? Oh yes, there are a million possible scenarios that circle my brain during any one given moment. What I need to remember is that the answers to the above are all MY answers. MY thoughts and MY feelings. Not theirs. Theirs are likely to be completely different. Handle emotions by sticking to boundaries.

‘Bumps in the Road’. I refer to these as ‘Arghhhhhhhhhh’ situations. Those where you perhaps break down into floods of tears behind closed doors because you feel you are banging your head against a brick wall! Situations where you can’t always hold your tongue and a huge warbled shouting mess appears from your mouth that makes no sense but makes you feel better for just a second before realising how much of a wally you must have actually sounded! The point is, no situation will ever play out the way it does in your head. Keep your cool, own your decision and you can handle it. I know I can, and have!

The final part of the caption warbles on about perfection. I am guilty of trying to prove to others that I can be perfect. I can always do better, I can try harder, I can push for more etc etc etcet e ruddy raaaa, but I don’t need to prove anything to anyone! I’m ok. I have my strengths and weaknesses and aware of these. That’s ok – that’s being human.

You only get out what you put in. It’s so true. Simple, effective and correctomundo! So you don’t have the second tin of tomatoes to make a larger bolognese. Give everyone more pasta and less sauce! Grate some extra cheese! Do the best that you can with the resources you have at that exact moment. Obviously you can apply the bolognese rule to many life situations – even the less complex ones such as….. divorce?!

Well…… You Just Can’t! There’s always going to be times in your life when you unintentionally p**s people off. What you gonna do? Not everyone will like you and you know what….? That’s ok. Those who aren’t too fond of you – are they worth it? Does it really matter? Do you still have the love of close friends and family? Ask yourself what, or rather who is important then rid yourself of the rest!

All I need to do now is practise everything I have written and jobs a goodun!