Tuesday, February 15, 2011

You might the parent of a two-year-old if...

Your personal hygiene scale has been reset. You used to max out at "musty", but now you regularly find yourself sailing past "fetid" well on your way to "rancid" before managing to make it into the shower.

When you hear a piece of classical music you find yourself singing along to the version emitted by your child's favorite electronic toy (Everybody now to the tune of Mozart's 'Eine Kleine Nachtmusik'! One! Two, three! Four, five, six, seven, eight! Then, there's nine! Counting's really great!)

You understand that the phrase "Ai yike eee eye cweeem da mooste!" is a request for dessert.

You carefully planned out an area in your home for children's toys. Now you have Tonka trucks in your bed, duckies in your bathtub, three strollers on your front lawn, and a strangely shrieking robot roaming your kitchen. It begins to occur to you that your plan has failed.

Your spouse regularly comes upon you sobbing, but no longer bothers to ask what's wrong.

You find nothing disturbing about the phrase, "Time to powder those fat rolls!"

Laundry isn't a chore. It's a way of life.

You haven't seen a movie in the theater since, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

You've done some advance calculations and know exactly how far you can wander from the vehicle with your child inside before passersby are likely to contact child protective services. You are now regularly making it into the 7-11 for a cup of coffee while yelling, "That's my baby! I didn't forget him! I know he's there!"

You've experienced the following marital interaction: a beautiful baby has arrived and your OB advises you that you should refrain from sexual activity for six weeks. You attempt to cry out, "Only six weeks??!" but are drowned out my your husband's cry of: "You mean SIX WHOLE WEEKS??!"

...and finally, you might be the parent of a two-year-old if...

You no longer find it remarkable that you regularly discover another person's poop in your hair.