Five things needed to induce sleep in a toddler

One storyTwo breasts filled with milkThree songs: “Twinkle Star,” “You Are My Sunshine” and, finally, the national anthemFour kissesFive drinks of water

Then, we begin a cycle that looks something like this, and continues throughout the night:

Which means there’s a problem with sleep, or lack thereof, in my house. Maybe he has sleep apnea? You know, when someone stops breathing for a second or two and so wakes up a lot, I suggested to my husband. More like sleep asshole-nea, he replied.