Sometimes, you alter life. Sometimes, life alters you.

Tips for Living

10/29/2011

If you're anything like me, you probably have a closet full of prescriptions. My GU treatment alone, contains 16+ Chinese herbs. There are yeast treatments, vitamins, pain medications, antibiotics, antivirals, sleeping medications, and more...prescribed by four plus doctors.

I rarely take pain pills. Although I could, I don't like how they make me feel. I also prefer to stick to homeopathic stuff. That said, when my left arm had me writhing in tears last night, the Flexiril prescription hanging on my fridge seemed like a God send.

At 2:00 in the morning, I stumbled into Walgreens: no bra, uncombed hair, plaid pajama bottoms, crying, holding my arm.

The Pharmacist: You wanna wait for it?Me: Do you get a lot of people coming in the middle of the night wearing pajamas in tears who DON'T want to wait for it?Him: It'll be right out.

Me (grabbing the bag before leaving): Do you know if these interact with any herbs?Pharmacist: Unfortunately, we don't have a lot of information on that. With the major ones like St. John's Wort or Melatonin, maybe, but not other stuff.

I decided to risk it.

Before doing so, however, I did cross-check this script with others in my stockpile. The results surprised me.

09/18/2011

Every once in a while, when things go really, really dark, I find myself speechless. I'm sure, deep down, I've something magical to say, but, before I can type asdfjkl;, my inner critic has a field day.

IC: You can't talk about that. THAT's not interesting.IC: Complaining again. Nobody wants to hear about your elbow, soul, worms, thrush, love life, thoughts, etc.IC: Really, why do you even bother writing??? Is it for you? Is it for them? Does THAT really contribute anything?

Struggling with that today, I flipped open one of my favorite writing books: The Pocket Muse.Its advice: You have to be willing to write badly.

YES!!! Imperfection. Now we're on to something.

Wanting to "get it right"...I know I'm not the only creative person to struggle with this. My husband and I just discussed this very phenomena as he recently struggled to get his project off the ground.

06/12/2011

Today, I wrote my blog post while driving. Well, not technically wrote, per se...but spoke. I goofed up several things...butchered words (Dysautonomia), stumbled over details (oil gauge, 8 years...not 10), messed up grammar (lay/lie...always a mystery), and called my truck a car.

Other than that, I pretty much said what I wanted.

If you are sick (Lyme or otherwise), sad, suicidal, in pain, hurting, feeling awful, or just out and out struggling, I hope you will listen. Not sure if it will help, but it is something to consider. Note: Forgive the sound quality...Ford Ranger + i phone + gravelly voice = bad news.

06/09/2011

I read the BEST blog post today. Not best, like Pulitzer Prize winning. Best like...rearrange your molecules...make you think...consider life from different angle (always my favorite kind of thing).

I especially enjoyed it for two reasons:1) It was written by my friend/super health cheerleader...aka brave new blogger, Saima.2) It made me ask myself a powerful question: What comes easy to me? Something I haven't considered in nearly a year..none the less spent any energy focusing on.

Lately, thinking about what's hard for me is easy. It's easy to worry about my future. Easy to focus on the negative. Easy to get swept up in despair, jealousy, pain, and bitterness. Easy to feel really, really awful for extended periods of time.

But, there are other things, too. Things that get less attention. And, if I take a minute (really breathe them in), it's easy to remember.

For example...1) Losing myself in a great piece of music (I can surf YouTube for hours)2) Making people feel loved and appreciated3) Finding/encouraging potential4) Public speaking5) Sales6) Loving animals/strangers7) Talking 8) Making up poems and songs9) Researching 10) Napping11) Listening12) Seeing both sides of the story13) Writing14) Standing up for what I believe in15) Being excited/enthusiastic/inspired/inspiring (about possums, causes, good service, kindness, office supplies, you name it)

These things, I'm really good at. It's actually nice to think about them....you know, focus on what makes me special, rather than what makes me feel rotten. Thanks, Saima!

05/03/2011

I didn't think of it at the time. I thought I was following orders. Then, as I woke up 3 in the morning -- room spinning, feeling like I was drunk -- I knew something was seriously wrong. Feeling like I was going to puke and wondering if I should go the hospital, I stumbled to the computer.

"Anybody up?" I typed on the Lyme message board.

Luckily, Vicki, one of my favorite Lyme friends, answered back.

My actual message...

"Hey Vick. OMG I'm so glad it's you. I couldn't sleep, but just started feeling incredibly durnk and woozy. IS this normal? Doc upped my dose of Doxy today 300 mg. I also took a pain pill for the first time Trammmadol? I'm trying not to panic, but I'm really freaked out."

I love Vicki. Via message, she reminded me to breathe and not to panic (a common problem for people in this situation). Without blinking, she sent me her number in case I needed to talk.

For a minute, we discussed options. Was it herxing? Was it caused by the dosage change? Was it the new drug?

Then, she reminded me of the most important thing. Something I KNEW, but had somehow forgotten.

When it comes to medication/vitamins/herbs/doses/workouts...anything (especially with chronic illness), NEVER do two new things at the same time. Nope. Nada. Never.

Man...lesson learned. Thanks for the reminder, Vic (and the love).

Sometimes it really does help to have a friend who knows what you're going through.

Altered Today: How I take medicine, love for my Lyme community, back up plan for what to do if this happens again

04/28/2011

"It can wait." That's my new motto for things. It's a strange thought. I am more of "why put off 'til tomorrow..." kinda girl. Still, what can say? Being sick changes things...particularly your priorities.

04/26/2011

The last two days, I've apologized to two people. I'm not sure how it started. It's not like I woke up with a check list of folks to make amends to. Still, as with anything right now, when opportunities present, I take advantage.

My first apology went to "Sam" (not her real name)--a friend/acquaintance of mine that I used to volunteer with.

I've been thinking about her a lot lately because she suffers from years of undiagnosed seizures and a couple of other things (lesions in her brain, etc). Is it possible she has Lyme Disease?

I adore Sam, but, when we worked together, it was tough to count on her. In frustration, I'd often drum my fingers on the desk waiting for her to arrive for our scheduled missed phone calls. I knew she had health problems, but I wasn't sympathetic. My attitude? "If you're not well enough to participate, don't participate, but I need to know."

Looking back now, I can see how unsupported she must have felt. In her world, she was just struggling to keep it together and live normal life. In mine, I was frustrated and wanted results. Luckily, we both have a sense of humor. :)

Yesterday, we finally caught up and commiserated over illness; doctors, symptoms, cooking, stupid things people say (including me)--nothing was sacred. Thankfully, she accepted my apology. Ahh...hindsight. We also made plans to catch up next week...hopefully I'll be up for it.

My second apology went to Dee (also not her real name)...a lady who works at my local YMCA. We met two years ago when I phoned in to inquire about my then "cancelled" gym membership...which was still being charged to my debit card. At the time, my father-in-law had just collapsed from cancer and my house had just been robbed so I didn't take kindly to her response that they couldn't reverse the charges.

Me: You will reverse the charges or I will call the Better Business Bureau.Her: Are you threatening me?

(Use your imagination from there).

Anyway, when I saw her today, it seemed like the perfect excuse to make nice and bury the hatchet (FYI: she didn't remember the incident, but it made me feel better).

04/22/2011

This is not what I intended to post today. Originally, I wrote a nice piece about Tyler Perry and how much he inspires me (Have you heard this man speak??? If not, do yourself a favor and check him out). That said, since my computer had other plans and since I didn't "save" appropriately, it seems like a good time to say it: $h*! happens.

04/20/2011

Before I was sick, one of my favorite things to do was lead introductions to the Landmark Forum. If you haven't heard ofLandmark Education,they're a training and development organization. They say, they empower people to get what they want in life. I say, they are a true lifesaver.

Every good thing I created after the age of 32--my relationship with my family, my marriage, my company, my community projects--came from what I learned in that three-day seminar. Eight years later, even in sickness, Landmark is the best part of me. On my worst days, it reminds me to stay focused on what's actually happening (I feel pain, I am tired) rather than the story I make up about it (I'll never get better, I am dying). On my best days, it inspires me to focus on what's possible.

Last night was a perfect example of an action I took that I never would have taken as a result of my participation. Feeling frustrated about my current "undiagnosed" Lyme status, I decided to write an email to one of the world's leading Lyme Doctors (from the book Insights Into Lyme Disease Treatment: 13 Lyme-Literate Health Care Practitioners Share Their Healing Strategies) asking for his advice on what to do next with my medical treatment; do further testing, do IV antibiotics, pursue co-infections, go natural, treat parasites, treat viruses, etc.

In the past, I would have killed this idea before ever taking any action. Thoughts like "He's not going to answer...I can't do that without paying him...He's not going to care....He's too important to bother" would have stopped me. Instead, I was able to focus on what was actually true about this situation: I am asking for advice. He will help or he won't.

Carefully, I compiled my lab results, symptoms, prescriptions, and emailed them to him for analysis. The result? A response within 24 hours and a new treatment option I hadn't considered before--completely herb based--developed in part for people like me (people who want/need an integrative approach to healing).

In his opinion, if Lyme or other tick borne illnesses are causing my symptoms, this will address it. If my problems are virus and/or parasite related, this could also help. He was also kind enough to send me a referral to another doctor that could work with me if I choose to go this route.

In fairness, I don't know what I am going to do yet. Will I consult with a doctor in Texas? Will I go natural? Time will tell (although I can say, I am leaning in this direction). In the meantime, it was great to be reminded....I am powerful, I have a say in how this goes, I have options.

ALTER EVERYTHING What do you get when you combine a creative, Type A personality with Chronic Lyme Disease? A choice: A) Be swallowed whole or B) Reinvent yourself--daily.
Alter Everything is my quest to respect "A" and embrace "B" as much as possible. Here, I recount my daily adventures in pursuit of an altered life. –Kathy Tagudin