Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Pity Party- Open Invite!

That's Right! I'm throwing a pity party, and you're all invited!

Last night, I went to sleep to the sound of a peaceful, calm, constant rain. It was almost beautiful. And if you know me, I'm not one to enjoy rain, or storms for that matter. In fact, thunderstorms scare my pretty little panties off. But this was a different kind of rain. It was diligent and soothing. It relaxed me beyond belief. I slept. I mean, really slept. Insomnia has taken over my life since the beginning of this deployment, and I've had very few nights of "real" sleep. But last night, that almost beautiful rain put me to sleep. * Okay, I'll be honest, I'm not one hundred percent convinced it was the rain..It could have been the lack of sleep I have had, the exhausting two weeks, or even the fact that I was just plain worn out.. But, I'd like to think it was the rain!

After awakening to the sound of my son babbling in his crib, I felt refreshed....for a second. Until I opened up the blinds and saw my surroundings. The sky was gloomy and dark. The rain was violent and harsh, and the wind was mind blowing. Gross. The flowers look dead, and the grass appears muddy. Thank you rain, for allowing me to love you for a whole night, before you ruined my day.

So with the let down of the rain, I got the boy up, turned on the radio, and fed him some breakfast. Every single song that played was a downer.
I'm talking...real downer.Brian McKnight- Whenever you call... Thank you for reminding me I have not heard my husbands voice, and it will be days again, before I do. Aerosmith- I don't want to miss a thing...Thank you for making me think about all of the things my husband is missing while on this long, stupid, deployment!Lady Antebellum- Need you now...Thank you for pointing out just how much I could really use my husband right now.
Yep. That's right..Three in a row. True downers...And so, my pity party began.

My husband is deployed, my son is teething and hates the world, the rain is ugly and torturous, I still have to deal with a smashed up car, and my knee hurts like a mother effer. That's right.. I said it.. A MOTHER EFFER!

Any who, I continue on with my motherly duties. Get the boy burped, and dressed, and set him on his play mat with some toys. Pick up his cereal bottle, and bowl and head to the kitchen. Just to find that pile of bottles and bowls and spoons I so carelessly left in the sink last night because I was just so in love with the pitter-patter of the rain, and all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and look out the window at this ALMOST beautiful sight. So, now to tackle this stinkin' pile. I absolutely hate bowls of crusted mess. And what did I do in my euphoria of giddiness about the rain? Left my sons dinner cereal leftovers in his bowl and stacked it in the sink. SOMEONE decided to run some water in that bowl, and that cereal was now a hot crusted mess of gush onevery single dish. LOVE MY LIFE at this point! So I get through with that, and head back into the living room and look at that dreaded over-flowing laundry basket of baby clothes that need to be washed. Now, usually laundry is my favorite household chore, but good god, when you have to walk three flights of stairs to get to the washer and dryer, that someone else in the building usually has left their laundry sitting in for at least eight hours..I HATE LAUNDRY. Oh how I miss my pretty little apartment where the laundry was quietly tucked away in a closet two steps from my living room. So you think I tackled that laundry basket? NOPE! I let it sit. I stared at it for a few minutes, and thought about how badly I need to conquer it, I considered the fact that there were only two cars in the parking lot, and hopefully no ones laundry would be down there..but I left it there..over flowing onto the floor, looking hideous. Oh well! Today is MY pity party, and I'm not doing anything I don't want to do.

Any who, the night before last, I went to the gym. I worked my ass off...I mean really...WORKED MY ASS OFF. I'm talking a "level 4 on the bike, level 5 on the elliptical" kind of worked my ass off. Not to mention I did floor work! I killed my abs, and my hips. Literally, I think their still laying there in Lifetime! I've never been one for much of a floor work out, but the personal trainers were up there doing some demonstrations, and I caught on. Planks, elevated ab twists, squats with weights on these balancing things. Oh lord, did I ever push myself. I left out feeling pretty damn good about myself. I never once told myself I couldn't do it, and I never quit before finishing the goal I had set... well okay, once I actually did. I was doing that exercise where you get down in the push up position and alternate bringing your legs up..ya know the ones..where it looks like your running on the ground? Anyways, I would do that for a minute, then switch to bicycle, then back. Well shit! After one round of these my knee was in dyer pain. I fell out- Like a private on their first road march after drinking too many beers the night before! I was done. My knee hated me! So I cooled down, and then headed home. My knee was still sore after a long hot bath, but I figured it would be fine.
Woke up yesterday, got up to get the baby...NO GO! My knee killed. I mean KILLED. I brushed it off, and figured it would be better today. Nope, woke up today...Probably ten times worse. I'm so disgusted with today. If it's not one thing, it is constantly another.

Regardless of today's pity party, I have decided to stay motivated about the gym, and life in general..After I'm done sulking today of course! Tonight is Sons of Anarchy, so I will be skipping the gym. And to be honest, if it wasn't SOA night, I'd probably skip anyways, because I'm busy sulking! But tomorrow, I'm hitting that gym just as hard as I did on Sunday. Minus the floor running, and the bicycle, because I don't feel like having a bad knee for the rest of my life. I'm also on the prowl for a good home work out, for the days when my mom can't watch the baby while I hit the gym, or SOA nights, or nights when it's grossly raining like it is today. I've decided to kick my own ass, every single week, until I look exactly how I want to. I'm so tired of being disgusted with how I look, and being envious of the skinny pretty girls, who care wear sweat pants and rags and look beautiful.
So my diet has began, and so far, so good. I worked my ass off at the gym- YES! And I'm looking for a home workout routine.- FANTASTIC!
Let's hope I can stick with this, and kick this weight. I'm staying positive -about THIS at least!

Now, I guess I should stop sulking, end my pity party, and do that damn laundry!
John Michael Montgomry- I can love you like that, just came on. And It's a nice contrast from all the downers I've been listening to all morning..
So on that note, I'm off to perk up, get things done, and play with the most handsome, energetic little boy in the whole wide world! After all, his smile is simply contagious, and I could sure use a nice smile right about now!

Check back later, and find out if this pity party has really ended, of if I'm just fooling myself.
Oh, and I hope you don't have this nasty ugly rain and wind in your neck of the woods.

2 comments:

Sorry your rainy day was a mother effer:) Give yourself the day to sulk, but don't let it linger. The blues are like an uninvited house guest...the longer they stay the harder it is to get them the hell outta there!!

About Me

Twenty-something extraordinaire, and mother who dreams of becoming a journalist.
I'm a lover of the simplest things in life; the smile on a child's face, good karma coming back around, family dinners, and raw unfiltered emotion. I'm a lover of the biggest cities, and the itty-bittiest of towns. I like to find beauty in the most common places, to see what others overlook.

I don't sensor myself in this blog. It is raw emotion and feeling. You may stumble across the occasional F bomb. I do not apologize.Everything I write is sincere and genuine. My words are my legacy.

"I think that’s what I find most strange about this world, nobody ever says how they feel. They hurt, but they don’t cry out. they’re happy, but they don’t dance or jump around. And they’re angry but they hardly ever scream, because they feel ashamed. Nothing’s worse than that. So we all walk around with our heads looking down and never look up and see how beautiful the sky is."

This is my place to cry out, my place to scream, to say how I feel, and from time to time, to look up at the sky and share with all of you the beauty that I see!