A Norse polytheist walking with Sigyn

Monthly Archives: December 2016

I’m not going to split this up into good / bad because even ‘negative’ events can provide insight or propel something good along. Somewhat chronological. //Long post//

Our dog Blossom died of a heart attack right before I had to go back to campus for the start of the spring semester.

I tried a different antidepressant at the start of the year (compared to the fall semester and ending 2015), but it didn’t really do anything.

Despite backing out of ODing (the overdose wasn’t a fatal amount), cutting myself, and getting blackout drunk with some sort of antidepressant / alcohol interaction (and telling a friend about wanting to die), I survived any reckless, self-injurious, suicidal activity I engaged in.

Our dog Angel died sometime after I went back to campus after spring break (more along the lines of old age).

I finished out my Senior year of undergrad as the Undergrad Shop Head of the E Shop (end of the first year of that position).

I applied to and was accepted into the Electrics crew of Tantrum Theater, so I worked on Little Shop of Horrors (electrician, Sound Board Op), Tammy Faye’s Final Audition (electrician, Sound Board Op), and Dancing at Lughnasa (electrician, Programmer, and Light Board Op).

I bought my first smartphone, Zv (she / her). ((Things are going rather well, as long as we don’t talk about what Pokemon Go did to my data plan >.<))

I finished out a school year of communicating with my theatre professors and E shop mates about my preferred name and pronouns, and a whole lot of them were really good about using the correct ones.

I sort of attempted to come out to my mom, but with it being text based (FB message / email), she has been able to ignore it and pretend that it didn’t happen. Until I’m out of the home, I will stay in the closet.

I donated a pint of blood in memory of the 49 queer Latinx people killed in the Pulse shooting.

I reached a point where I think the currently accurate description of my sexuality is queer / bi when interacting with most people. (Biromantic gray-asexual so far takes a lot of explaining outside of LGBTQIA+ spaces, and I honestly don’t always want to have to go through that.)

I reached a point where I think the currently accurate description of my gender is nonbinary trans person with genderfluidity.

I have spent a fair bit of time compiling information on the Vanir and Jotnar that related to my path (UPG), which did include info that were seeds from others. Y’know, all that stuff that probably seemed weird – Families, Tribes, Tolkien crossover with the Vanir (including Quenya or Tolkien Elvish), the separate but interconnected calendars of holy days. People have been slowly trimming away elements that snuck in from other people, but with all The Burning and stuff, it’s been more like They just want me to walk away now.

It’s not that everything was false; it’s almost like I was getting a set of Faces where that info was true and now new Faces have turned. I’ve been hoping that I don’t seem too jaded to Them, but at a certain point, I can’t make guarantees. There’s this thing where I wind up attracting expected Faces instead of actually getting through to the Face I was supposed to, and They’ve always planned on stripping away unnecessary outside influence, and Burning and Leaving just exponentially sped this up.

I’m honestly more tired than anything. It’s like I’m in this halfway stage where all I can really see is all of the debt that I have to repay to different People before They can officially and permanently Leave. Anyways, some of that debt involves activity and final posts here on WP.

Possible names include: Cold, Long Nights, Oak, Christmas,and Moon Before Yule. Mani indicated that He would like me to use “Yule”, though I make no guarantee He’d want someone else to do the same. The following is a piece of sacred fiction.

. . .

Mani flicked the reins gently, and the horses slowed down along the star path. He opened his thermos and settled into the reindeer blankets, listening to snippets of celebrations. Hati stretched near his feet and glanced down at the worlds below.

“They really like throwing parties in the winter, don’t they?”

Mani hummed with the faint tune of a carol before replying, “It’s how they keep their lights kindled.”

A passing Snowflake waved at the pair, and Mani waved back. He flicked the reins again, and the horses resumed their normal pace.