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Sunday, March 20, 2011

As requested by a friend of mine, an oldie but a goodie, one of the original Creepy McCreepertons! My friends just LOVE hearing all of the unfortunate stories that I have collected over the years. At times, I am annoyed that I haven't found just a normal guy to hold hands, make out with, and date. Then again, all of the McCreepertons of D/FW will no doubt make that certain Mr. Right shine that much brighter. And I'm never at a loss for stories to entertain company.

Here goes....

Once upon a time, a fair young lady entrusted that an acquaintance known by herself and many across the land from a land far far away...Mesquite. This fair young lady and this certain gentleman, a term I use loosely in this case, reconnected and agreed upon a time to meet up for libations and laughter. Being the trusting fair lady that she is, she decided to not only trust him, but let the young man sweep her away. Much to her surprise, the next day she is met with a disasterous and shocking email from another fair young lady claiming to be a current fiancee of the gentleman.

Just for the benefit of the doubt and to make sure stories are straight, the fair maiden confronted the young gentleman about this encounter.

He sighed. "She is an ex-girlfriend who is upset that I broke up with her...this WEEKEND." It's Tuesday in the fair land, readers of Froggerdom.

"An ex-girlfriend? A relationship that ended over the weekend? Are you sure that you are ready to begin another relationship as you've communicated?"

"Why yes. It took a long time to end."

Um, I imagine. "It's over is a lot to say and takes up quite a bit of quality drinking time," the fair young maiden thinks to herself.

Deciding to be fair and again extend an olive branch, the fair maiden of pure intention offers up another opportunity for redemption.

In an act of what can only be known as pure idiocracy and assholeness; the young gentleman invites the fair maiden over for a candlelight dinner and conversation. A date for the books! But wait, listen...a knock at the door?

Why who could that be? A neighbor in need of a cup of sugar?

Just in case this neighbor decides to get rowdy he instructs the fair maiden to hide away in a bathroom sans lights or noise. Interesting, she thinks!

Alas, a female neighbor! No doubt questioning the situation at hand, as is the fair maiden hidden away in the dark, dungeonous bathroom. When all of a sudden, the "female neighbor" bursts open the door with as much surprise as the hidden fair maiden.

In anticipation of a Jerry Springer style b-slap to the face, she sweetly says "Hi, and answers all of the visitor's questions."

The "visitor" is the same emailer! The ex-fiancee, or shall we say current? Who knows? The fair maiden wasn't sticking around to figure it all out. Being a fair maiden, she is not one to engage in physical violence or even Springer-ish vocal smackdowns.

Through the barrage of unanswered calls and lengthy, unheard voicemails; she decides not to shed a tear and chalk that one up to experience! So long, Deceitful Liar Frog!

**********

Can you believe it? I was locked in a dark bathroom while a "former girlfriend" busts in! I was mortified! Thank God the woman chose not to punch me! She must've known that guy so well to know that I was probably told otherwise. To this day, he stands by the story that she was, in fact, an ex. Who knows? I could care less. Any man that is going to put someone in that position is not worth the sand under his fingernails. That doesn't really make sense. Worthless! Worthless as a man, father, suitor, and general human being. There was SO much respect lacking for all the involved parties, that I couldn't stand it. And as I drove away singing a song by a woman who shares my birthday, "No I'm not gonna' cry. I'm not gonna' cry. I'm not gonna' cry no tears. I'm not gonna' cry cause he's not worth my tears." Mary J. Blige! Such wisdom! Such insight! As a woman who's been known to cry at Kleenex commercials, that took quite a bit of strength. Lord knows where it came from, but it came.

I hope you enjoyed the story as much as my friends do hearing it. And if you're ever that chick locked in a dark bathroom, don't be quiet. Open the door and sprint out as quick as possisble. Or...don't get locked in a bathroom at all.

Friday, February 11, 2011

I am a real jerk. I have just sent a text to a man to say that I would not date him.

Let me give you a little backstory, Frog followers. Pay close attention to the timeline and read it with the lights on!

We both had off on Friday due to the weather, so we IM'd for quite awhile getting to know each other. It seemed odd how many things we had in common and how easy the conversation was flowing. So the day of the date comes, Saturday morning. I have class since Tuesday's class was cancelled due to weather. I received several texts and IM's throughout class from him. Benefit of the doubt, I told him I had class, but I was signed in. Benefit of the doubt, he WAS showing interest and was making it ever-so-apparent that he was excited to meet me.

Saturday's date:Initial thought, doesn't look like his pictures. Benefit of the doubt, I look heavier in person than I do in pictures. And I like to think it's because I'm photogenic. ;) Back to the story, he has a little bit of a limp and teeth that are spotted. Suddenly, I realize that I'm a clean, straight tooth sorta girl again. I digress, I'm not that superficial, so I'll continue the date and see what our chemistry is like in person. The dinner is going well. We are talking and catching up in person. I am still nervous and a little reserved, normal for a first meeting, I'd say. After dinner, we are going to the 6th Floor Museum. He has never been and is a history buff. Plus, it leaves opportunity for talking, discussing, and broadening our horizons. It went well also. He was a little more affectionate than I was really comfortable with. He just touched my back and would stand close. Nothing that I wouldn't have minded if I was into him....a few key words there. Leaving the museum he asks if I'd like to come back to his part of town or go do something else. I respectfully declined.

Not a minute after I walk in the door, I have a text message from the frog. He wants to know if I'm going to make him wait all week to see me again. Ok, I'm flattered, but a little put off as well. I respond that he should ask me out and I will let him know if I'm available. He complies and asks for Sunday night. Since I did not have any plans, I agreed to dinner and possibly a movie for the next night.

Sunday:A morning text message, continuing text messages throughout the day. I decide to cancel the evening due to health issues. Of course, he was disappointed. I'll give him that. I am disappointed when I'm looking forward to something, too. Again, benefit of the doubt. What continued was a series of text messages that I did not feel comfortable with. They were everything from guilt-laden to offers of taking care of me. Call me strange, but I had a few red flags. Mostly because of the guilt he was trying to make me feel.

Monday:A morning text message, text messages throughout the day on his breaks, texts throughout the night. I wrote several times that I was working on homework and then on my taxes. The texts and IM's continue streaming steadily. Each more impatient and needy than the last.

Tuesday:A repeat of the previous day except that I was attending class. I let him know that I was in class and could not carry on a conversation with him. I felt like I had just ran over the guy's puppy right in front of him.

He was crushed and asked, "How long are you in class? How many times a week?"

I felt like screaming "Sweet Jesus!!! Grow some and do something with yourself!!!"

Wednesday:Much like the previous days. I respond less and less to the masses of text messages. Just then, an IM comes through.

"So, my Dad has nicknamed you."

"Oh?"

"Yea, eyes, for your big brown eyes."

I was thinking, how odd. I asked, "So you showed him pictures of me and/or spoke about me to him?"

"Yes, and I wanted to see if it would be too soon for you to join me for my brother's birthday party with my family this weekend."

"Yes, I do feel that it's too soon." Hopefully, I declined gracefully enough for him. I was beginning not to care. This case would call for extreme truthfulness, AND quick! I was growing increasingly tired of this!

Thursday:I'm growing increasingly impatient and annoyed by the constant communication. I know, I can hardly believe I was saying it myself. I now know, AGAIN, what it feels like to experience a Stage 5 Clinger. Even through text messages, I felt like I was being suffocated! Red flag city! Obviously, he likes me more than I like him. He seems to expect a lot of interaction and seems to not have enough attention paid to him.

At the end of the day at work, I was written up for being on my phone too much and for some paperwork errors. Great! Just what I need! I was not happy! Not happy with myself, not happy with the manager, not happy with the stalk-texter, just not happy! But it wasn't his fault. I could choose to keep my phone in my purse. I don't have the sound on or anything...anyway, that's a whole different post.

I leave work very upset and I get a text message from him. I am in no mood to mess with this right now! I HAVE to say something, but in this kind of mood it will come across like a dagger into his text-stalking little inbox. As soon as I respond to the text message that I had a bad day and am on the road, I get a phone call from none other than....you guessed it! He wants to go to dinner. I, again, decline. Throughout the evening: texts, texts, texts.

Friday:I write back that I had a bad day and had gone out for the evening with some friends. I explained that I would not be texting during the day. What comes during the day? Texts! Texts again this evening!

I respond to one because I am outrageously annoyed by the recurrent "Droid" ringtone that alerts when I'm receiving texts. "I am at dinner with my Mom."

What comes next add fuel to my fire and I know for a fact that I must say something TONIGHT! He calls. He continues to text.

So, as I'm leaving dinner, I send a short little note saying that I've had a bad week and that I will not be able to date him. Truthful, a little bit of sugar, yet cryptic enough not to make the boy jump off a bridge. He follows up with a series of messages expressing his disappointment, his questions, the fact that he knew something was different, and another demand for an explanation. He feels that I owe him one.

Ok, ladies. We have all been there. I know I often wonder "what happened?" I often, do not have the opportunity to find out. I figure it's for the best most times. Do I really need to hear "he's just not that into you?" Nope. I don't need to hear that. I get it. Their loss. Bloggy blog blog, a dish session with my girls, and I'm good to go. No harm, no foul. On the other hand, I have this opportunity to "pay it forward" in a way and tell him in an honest way the way that I feel. Mature, right? Could be helpful to the poor dear. So I write that I'm just not into him, no real reason other than that.

He simply writes "Wow." Sarcastic wow? Shocked wow? Really, are you really that shocked? He must be as oblivious as a self-righteous teen auditioning for American Idol that has all the confidence in the world that they are the best singer in the world. Turns out, people have lied to them! The audience must have been 1000 chatty drunks, flyby's overhead, 26 washers and dryers operating, jackhammers working away, and they oblige the entertainment by clapping and insisting that he/she did a great job. Wrongo!

I am not going to indulge him by providing any further reason. I refuse to let "wow" influence my evening or my decision. It stands as said. His damning response and "disappointment" just solidifies me in standing by my feelings. Whether or not it makes sense to any one else; they are my feelings and this is my life. It is my relationship to have or not to have. I choose not to! I choose not to inflict myself with this impending doom and heartbreak (a bit of a dramatic statement, but you get it). It was not looking good from where I could see.

I might be an incredible jerk. It might not seem to him or to others that I know what I want. I could not disagree more! I know enough about myself to know that I will not stand for someone who wants CONSTANT interaction, who wants to control my time, who inserts guilt and desperation into my daily activities. Been there, done that, no T-shirt, no shotglass, no souvenir silver spoon...NO THANKS! I respect myself more than that! Thank God I can finally say that! Thank God I realized that although I do like attention and it's nice to be wanted, there is a line. Thank God that I am mature enough to know that if it's this bad already, that it is nothing I need to involve myself in.

Benefit of the doubt, he might be a sweet creature who means well and just had an unrequited attraction to me. He is probably just lonely and felt like that's the appropriate speed of a relationship.

It sure is strange how if I was into the guy, there wouldn't be this question now. I wouldn't have minded most of the attention. The multitudes of messages would be alarming, but would probably warm my heart.

I believe the point is, I am not in the business of giving benefits of the doubt. I don't receive them from men. If they aren't into me, they aren't into me and they move on...I move on. I've given too many people too many chances. I am glad that I made this decision! I never know what kind of trouble this would have caused me in the future. And like I said, it's my relationship to have or not to have. You, his family, his friends, he might think that I am an incredible jerk and how could I just text that message to him. I've been there, it stings a bit, but it will be ok. Hopefully he doesn't gorge himself on a box of chocolates or Haagen Dazs. If he does, he will still live...been there, done that!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Hello again Frog Blog! When I wrote last I was unemployed, depressed, single, and hung up on Killeen Frog. So much has changed for me since then!

This blog might take a turn from just a dating disaster blog to an account of my life in general. The original blog I started with three other USO Girls, wittily titled "USO Girls", was posted for the last time yesterday. 2 of the original girls, Caro and Lindsay, have gotten married, moved away, and are writing blogs of their own. Jamie and I are still living in Dallas single. Jamie is the only current USO Girl left from the group.

Ok, so what's all happened, you ask? Two of the biggest developments are that I found and started a job in late October, 2010 and moved out of my apartment and back in with my parents earlier this month. A lesser development is that I turned 31 earlier this month, too. I am taking this time while living at my parents' to get caught up on bills and to build up a savings account so that when I move out on my own again, I'll be in better shape to handle things.

Needless to say, I have been single this whole time! Sure I have dated a few froggies here and there. Each of them having their own endearing and "bless their heart" stories. Dallas guys just can't help but be pitiful and undatable sometimes. I got a great deal for an online dating subscription, so I'm back trying that for a bit. I have only met two men off the site this time around. One was great on paper, but in person had braces and pointy teeth. I learned that I'm a girl who likes straight, flat teeth. I almost met a guy, but was stood up not once, but twice. See, I gave him the benefit of the doubt the first time because he had a job with odd hours. The second time, I did not bother to call and get an excuse. I did not stick around more than 15 minutes. I jetted and didn't even return his phone call or "wink" a week after he stood me up. A great step for me indeed! Killeen guy and I haven't seen each other or been in touch regularly. He sent a Thanksgiving text. I sent a Christmas text and then a text just this week to see how he was doing. We chatted a little bit after that last text, but have not made any plans.

I started Women's Bible Study with my good friend, Lucia, on Wednesday nights at our church. A new singles group has been started at church and we are hoping to be a part of that this year, too.

I started attending a fitness boot camp back in November. Of course, it wasn't without mishap. On orientation day, I rolled my ankle and skinned my knee so badly that it was raw for three weeks and the nerves shown out of the wound. I was an incredible baby tending to the wound. That, the cold, and my self-sabotage have kept me from keeping a good attendance with the camp even though I'm paying to attend. Keeping my word to myself is definitely going to have to be a big part of me coming back from last year's misfortune! I let my personal goals go by the wayside in the name of excuses like tiredness, laziness, and re-prioritizing other items.

Oh, Frog Blog, 2011 is MY year! I will be doing great things this year! Just wait and see!!