How did women cope without having group chats, filled with other angry pregnant women, to keep them entertained?

Thankfully, that was then, and you’re pregnant now. That means you have a mobile phone at your disposal all the time.

10 Texts Every Pregnant Woman Sends To Her Partner

And, even better, so does your partner, so you can keep him up-to-date with your pregnancy. All day long.

After all, where would all your thoughts go, if not straight into your phone and into somebody else’s inbox?

Here are 10 texts every pregnant woman sends to her partner:

#1: I’m So Tired

This is basically the only thing you say to anybody all day long. If you look back through your messages, you’ll probably notice that you’ve sent that same text to your partner every day for the entire duration of the pregnancy.

In case he was wondering, growing a human being is a pretty tiring process. Have you told him how tired you are recently? No? Then it might be time to send him another message about that.

#2: Can You Pick Up Some ….

Whatever your current craving is, there’s a good chance your partner has got used to the daily texts asking him to swing by the supermarket on the way home.

He probably even checks his phone as he passes the shop, just to see whether you’ve asked for anything. After all, there is nothing worse than arriving home to face the wrath of a hungry pregnant woman.

#3: I’m Feeling Really Stressed Because …

We haven’t decorated the nursery; the midwife is going to weigh me; I can’t tie my shoelaces; we are about to become parents…. just fill in the gap.

Your pregnant mind is probably filled with all those anxieties and stresses that leave you feeling drained.

Luckily, thanks to technology, you don’t have to hang on to those worries for the rest of the day. Just text them to your partner and then forget about them.

Let him deal with those stresses, instead. Although, to be fair, he probably won’t be too worried about the shoelaces thing.

#4: I’m In Labour!

Oh my god. It’s happening. You felt that first surge in your stomach, and the tightening of muscles you didn’t even know you had. You immediately fire off a text to your partner. He needs to rush home from work this very minute, or he’ll miss the birth!

Things are suddenly starting to feel very real, and overwhelming, and…

#5: False Alarm

And then it stops. It was just Braxton Hicks after all. You’d better text him and tell him not to bother coming home.

It’s totally ok to wait a while before doing it, though. He might already be halfway home and then he can spend the rest of the day watching movies with you.

Best not to do that every day, because his boss is likely to get mad. But the first time it’s definitely Ok.

The only thing anyone ever tells you is, ‘Oh, you’ll know when you’re in labour’, which is really not very helpful.

Go on, choose a movie, see what snacks you have in, and then text him saying it’s a false alarm. And get him to pick up some more snacks on the way back.

#6: Did You Eat The Last Of The Ice-Cream?

Isn’t this the most terrifying text message you could possibly receive from a pregnant woman? If he did eat the ice-cream, he is a terrible person and he will pay for it.

And if he didn’t, he’ll have to admit that he did anyway. He won’t want to offend you by saying you must have eaten it. It’s a lose-lose for him.

Even if he were allergic to ice-cream, he would still have to say he ate it, just to save you the shame of remembering that you ate the entire tub all by yourself.

The good news is, if you send this text he will probably arrive home with more ice-cream. Maybe even some flowers as well, to apologise for eating the ice-cream, when you both know he wasn’t the guilty one.

That’s what real love is.

#7: Guess What Somebody Just Said To Me!

Add all the angry emojis to accompany this text. The woman at the shop asked if you were carrying twins, and the man on the street said you were huge. Then your mother-in-law said you weren’t eating enough and the baby would be too small. Even your friend joined in, and said you’d never get your body back, and a toddler pointed at you and said ‘Fat man’.

You will be offended by something every day of the pregnancy. Not because you’re over sensitive, but because people are really rude to pregnant women.

To stop yourself punching strangers, text all of these encounters to your partner, along with the hilarious and witty responses you wish you’d thought of at the time, instead of just smiling politely and doing a fake laugh.

#8: Help Me

Sometimes you even have to send text messages to people who are in the same house as you are. When you’re not pregnant, this would be called ‘lazy’. When you’re pregnant, it’s totally ok.

You’re the one growing the baby, so your partner can be the one who walks around the house. You can stay exactly where you are and he will find you.

There are so many reasons you’ll need help:

You are stuck in the bath and can’t get out.

You were sick everywhere and don’t want to clean it up yourself

You need help getting out of bed.

You can’t fasten your shoelaces.

You dropped something and can’t reach it.

You want a massage.

#9: You Are Going To Be Such A Good Dad

Being pregnant brings out the whole range of emotions. You will be furious one minute, sobbing the next, and then overwhelmed with joy a few seconds later.

It’s easy to share the negative emotions but it’s important to share the positive ones too. It is nice to give compliments to people and sometimes your partner will do such lovely things that you will send him lovely messages.

For example, he might:

Help you out of the bath

Clean up your vomit without grumbling

Use all of his strength to heave you out of bed

Buy you some flip flops

Cover the floor in thick rubber so that everything you drop immediately bounces back up so you can catch it

Give you a massage

#10: I’m Actually In Labour This Time. For REAL.

Ok, you might be the woman who cried labour. In that case there’s a slight risk your partner will start ignoring your constant ‘I think I’m in labour’ texts. So when the time comes, you need to make sure he knows it’s for real.

When it really starts to happen, send a text. Then immediately ring his phone and yell at him for not being at home because, goddamnit, you’re in labour and you need him there right now.

That’s fine. Remember, now that you’re in labour, you can yell all you want and he can’t judge you for it.

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Fiona PeacockCONTRIBUTOR

Fiona Peacock is a writer, researcher and lover of all things to do with pregnancy, birth and motherhood (apart from the lack of sleep). She is a home birth advocate, passionate about gentle parenting and is also really tired.

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