Pages

18 June 2010

The Second Good-night

Since everything did not go well, and my mood was being ruined by different people around again and again, I think I am not going to post about the conversation between me and poppa's sister. I'm sorry but I have told that I will TRY but not I will.

I feel so lonely in this late night, without anyone who can accompany me for a while. Everyone is in their sweet dream, which makes me envious. I wish to wake him up but NO, I should not be selfish to do it just for my own good. I am alone.

I miss my boy so much. I cried on my bed just now, and the first person that I thought of was my boy. I sent him a six-paged message, hoping for his reply even though I knew that it's impossible unless if he wake up right at the time. I cried continuously and I hit my legs and my pelvis (accidentally hit it) for quite a few times to release my anger. These are just as what I used to express my feelings other than crying, and when I need something to be beaten. I could feel the pains, but they failed to replace my heartache. I know he will scold me and he will blame me for hurting me myself when he reads this later. I am always being so honest to him. I swear I do. Hence, I will still tell him tomorrow even if he hasn't read it. I have prepared to face his punishment.

I love the way he is being all the time. He punishes me whenever I do something wrong. His punishments are pinching my nose, pinching my cheeks, beating my butt, and some other punishments that make me feel sweet.

While we were both in the bus, on the way to Chow Kit yesterday, he placed his left arm on my shoulder along the journey. I have forgotten what he did that made me pushed his arm away, but I am sure I was not in anger. He refused to soothe me for this time, and he did everything that was out of my expectation. He refused to hug me or to kiss me and he just sat there playing with his T-shirt, waiting for me to soothe him back. I was a little bit mad, and I lost my smile. "Do you want me to put my arm on your shoulder?" "I don't know." "Tell me. Want or not?" "I don't know." And this had been repeated for quite a few times. I had totally lost my smile. He forced me to look into his eyes and tell him the answer, but still, I said I don't know. "If you say you don't know, that means you don't want to." I lost. I nodded my head when he asked me for the very last time. He hugged me and my tears rolled down along my cheeks. He said I am blockhead (in a sweeter and a better way for sure). My tears rolled down continuously and I got to stop them before we reached the station.

Whenever he wants me to talk to him but not with my head lowers, and not with my eyes staring on the floor, he forces me to look at him, and to look into his eyes. If I refuse to follow what he says, he will just turn my head softly and forces me to look at him. All he wants is just to get my answer. He wins all the time, and such kind of similar cases used to end up with me crying in his embrace. :P I have told him that I am his crying baby, which mean I can easily cry.

Yes, I miss him so much. I need him, an all-time supporter of mine. I yearn madly for everything he does, and everything he says. I am madly in love with him indeed.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I have to sleep now. I am hungry, and my eyes are tired after crying. My eyesights are getting blurred. The words on the screen are floating. LOL! Good night (second one I know)!