Tuesday, March 18, 2008

In the early to mid 90’s the divinity of all candies came into existence. This candy is called Ravens Revenge. Ravens Revenge hit hard and fast amongst elementary school kids at the time. Well… at least where I went to school. It consisted of a candy powder very similar to pixie stix but had the aesthetic appeal of being packaged in a plastic test-tube-like vial.

These vials gave eating and bringing the candy to school a very furtive vibe; mainly because we related it to drugs and the imaginary suggestion of illegality made eating the candy so much cooler and rebellious. It came in many different flavors with bad ass names like electric blueberry and black widow, and turned your tongue unnatural colors like green, blue, purple, etc. for hours on end. I had heard it before, but rumor has it that it also had the ability to turn fecal matter into the color in which one consumed. Upon further research, I found this theory to be factual, thus adding extra gnarly points to the candy. Perhaps one of their flavors should have been Dingleberry… oh well. (Click here for more info.)

Unfortunately though, like all good things of the 90’s, Ravens Revenge vanished from the face of the earth as quickly as it arrived. In fact, it’s become so obsolete, many people even question its existence; thus, becoming a mythical creature along with Bigfoot, elves, and virgins. In fact, the other day I mentioned it to my friend *cough* Charles *cough* and he had the audacity to accuse me of making up this ingenious product! Well, I believe this is proof enough for the validity of its existence.

Maybe it was the high dye content or maybe it was because kids were sniffing the stuff up their noses, who knows. One thing’s for sure, I will never forget. So here’s to you Ravens Revenge, for being the imitation drug-candy that acted as the gateway for drug use and corruption amongst American Youth. Kudos.

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