I am a mother first and foremost . I have many children , one of whom has profound learning difficulties. this is my chance to express how life with him works...or doesn't!!

Monday, 30 January 2017

monday monday

So....Monday, Monday...here you are again. I have had a bit of a bleak few days but today is looking brighter...it's weird really. There is no rhyme nor reason to these fluctuations in mood..unless I am linked in some way to the moon....stranger things have been suggested! JBoy was particularly grumpy this morning, for no apparent reason. Maybe he too was having a January moment. Nothing was right for him today. I thought I might have a battle royale to get him on the Bus but thankfully, the most marvellous Escort took over and persuaded him that on the bus was the place to be. Off he went, grumping all the way.

I then walked briskly into town. A brisk walk is often a tonic to JBoy induced stresses. Today was cold and grey but I have felt lighter and brighter today than I have for many a day...see, no rhyme nor reason.

My head is full of thoughts..of course, my Offspring are all in there. I journal as well as occasional blogging. I have used books and books of notebooks in my time. I love a good notebook.....if in doubt, buy a notebook and a lovely pen. It works a treat! In my current journal,when I think about my children, I write their names down in different colours. Then decorate the page with drawings, words ....whatever feels appropriate. I have also recently developed a handy system....you will see the pun soon.....each finger represents a child, their partner or their children..they are literally at my fingertips. If I need to think and, yes, pray, for any given person at any given moment, I can literally hold the relevant digit and bring that person, those persons to mind. It works for me at the moment.

We all find our own ways of doing things.. coping with things. Mine is writing them down and sometimes drawing them. Sometimes only a drawing will do as the words just won't come...I have written a diary or journal since I was about 9. It's part of who I am. They became more intense when JBoy was born as it was the only place I could let out my pain and agonised grief. At that point, I had three Others to keep relatively sane for...so all my pent up emotions went onto paper and occasionally into a silent scream when no one was watching...

There have been other profoundly difficult times in my life when journaling became the lifebelt in my storm. So, for me ,it works or at least helps a little.I know it doesn't work for everyone and I admire people who find other coping mechanisms. It is important to find one...a coping mechanism that is. I hope that if anyone is reading this, you have found yours.