A lot of people don't know this, but the scale model of VentureStar that became the winning X-33 design (called the Aeroballistic rocket) was not in fact a Skunk Works design.

It was actually a Northrup design.

You see, old man Northrup was in the home and was having trouble with two bottles of pills: One was his bottle of Cough Lozenges, and the other was a bottle of Shaped Suppositories.

Well, his eyesight was bad and he often wound up putting a pill of each into the wrong hole, with interesting results!

He tired of this, and poured the contents of both bottles on the table, took out a Bic lighter, and melted each Cough Drop to one Suppository apiece.

The result was a half lozenge/half suppository.

So all he had to do was put one combination in each hole--and he knew he was covered.

But he threw out the full bottle and kept the empty bottle...and died, for his cough drops also were compounded to hold his heart medication.

Well, some corporate spies from Lockheed were rooting around in his trash, trying to find some inspiration, because all their pointy headed kids were good for was knocking weather satellites to the floor, among other things: http://www.spacedaily.com/news/titan-99e.html

Lo and behold, they found one of Old Man Northrup's lozenge/suppository hybrids, and it looked just like this:

It is now the world's largest Port o'John out by the Rest Area on Highway 83. Owned and operated by the newest X-Prize entrant, a Mr. Alfred E. Neumann of Far Rockaway.

A tragedy occured with his methane propulsion.

He laughed, coughed, sneezed, hiccuped and broke wind all at the same time. Due to lack of air pressure, he collapsed into a singularity. He imploded so hard it took the tailgate off my pick-up truck. You can still see old tin cans circling the air pocket it made by Hi-way 83.

A strange man with huge side-burns was seen coming out of the wormhole and was also seen talking to a man in a turtleneck:

With Musk's troubles with LOX transport, and the Atlas V tank problems, I thought I might recommend a book: ATLAS: THE ULTIMATE WEAPON

There is an interesting story in the book about how a water line was freezing up at an ICBM site due to proximity to LOX, and how horse manure was put around the pipes. Being carbon rich and warm, it was an explosion hazard when mixed with LOX. A famous letter questioning the wisdom of such rural engineering is in the book and sent me to howling with laughter. It is a must. Many of the problems had with the Atlas are retold here.

"We have an object, looks like a satellite going from north to south, probably in polar orbit.... Looks like he might be going to re-enter soon.... You just might let me pick up that thing.... I see a command module and eight smaller modules in front. The pilot of the command module is wearing a red suit."

"My first act is to cancel Ares I and Ares V!" ----------A few claps from Cowing and the other HLLV bashers

"And my second is to cancel VSE--we don't need Human Spaceflight!"-------Cowings jaw hits the floor and people start looking around.

"And another thing--no more probes to Mars or anywhere else! EARTH FIRST!----Steve Squyres is heard saying "Now wait just a minute now" Golombek jumps off a bridge.

"And say so long to COTS capitalistic scum!" The Alt.spacers leave the room.

"And I don't mean to spend any more money on aviation either"----------Jeff Bell is ecstatic, on the verge of orgasm.

"Oh...I forgot, I'm going to close down all telescopes in Hawaii and support giving that land back to nature, who needs Astronomy?"----------------Jeff Bell shrinks back in his chair, deflated, as Sophia and Hubble go on the chopping block again.

And...very quietly..Griffin walks out, after shooting a "I told you so" glare at all his former enemies, who wish they had him back--who wish so very much they had not been so very ugly to that man.

***********************************

As the room empties, only one person remains seated--everyone else's dreams shattered, except for our buddy Jim (from ****), who thinks this is all just lovely....until,

Hansen: "Thanks for your loyalty, Jim, but....well.....I have one last bit of bad news. President Hilary doesn't want Two EELVs. Only Atlas rockets will be used. No more Deltas--of any kind. Sorry old boy."