Thursday, September 6, 2012

N.: Went to Dr. They took 5 vials of blood. Bloody vampires...
Me: Ha! At least they weren't zombies. Five vials of brains would leave you a bit stupid...
N.: Maybe that would be ok. I wouldn't know about the impending zombie apocalypse because I would be light on brains.
Me: Hmmm...good point.

Em: A woman called in furious that we had a presale on Sunday because it might encourage people to break the sabbath. Then she demanded we let her have all the presale discounts on Saturday.

Me: I'm a little worried that my friend will have to bring her babies with her to my house...
B.:Ugh, I hope not.
Me: Yeah. We have guns EVERYWHERE.
B.: I think shooting her babies might be a little extreme...
Me: Noooo, I meant that babies get into things. Bad things. And my house isn't childproof.
B.: LMAO, I know, I was hoping to make you laugh!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Mim pinpointed something else. I was venting to her the other day because she's one of the few people who completely understands what I'm going through, not only because she's going through it herself, but also because she watched me grow up and knows what I'm capable of (or what I used to be capable of...).

Monday, September 3, 2012

It was last month on the 15th, two days before his birthday, poor thing.

Scott had been snoring, and since sleep apnea runs in his family we were concerned. He went to see an ENT and he wanted to take his tonsils out before doing a sleep study to see if that would take care of the problem.

I took the day off of work so I could drive him to and from the surgery and take care of him, and since I wasn't able to get any more days off work, Jorg came up for a few days to help me take care of him while I went to earn the money that would pay the giant hospital bills. Hooray.

Anyway, he's healing pretty well. The first ten days or so were really rough for him. Apparently the surgery is MUCH worse for adults than for children. I wasn't prepared for how bad it would actually be, though... There was the pain, of course, but he had such bad nausea that he couldn't keep anything down, even water, for a few days, and he wasn't healing well because of it. We had to go in to the doctor again early to get some anti-nausea meds, and once we did that, he started healing a lot better, since he could drink more water (or, more accurately, eat more ice chips) and actually get some soup and mashed potatoes down.

He took eight days off work (paid, thank goodness), and he had left a to-do list for his coworkers to cover for him while he was gone, and when he got back none of it had been done. None. So when he got back he had to work from about 7 a.m. to 1 or 2 in the morning for a few days to get caught up. He was exhausted, and still healing, and I'm a little miffed at his boss for not having people actually cover for him while he was gone so he didn't have to put in 18-hour days the week he got back.

Anyway, he's doing a lot better now, and since the pain in his throat has mostly subsided, he can now focus on the pain in his back. Hooray.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

You know, I totally thought I had a great poker face at work, like when I was feeling down, I thought people wouldn't be able to tell. Apparently, I can hide the crazy, but not the depression. I've had three people in three different departments ask me if I was okay this morning. And to all of them I actually said "No." I can't believe I did that. I think this means I feel totally comfortable with the three coworkers who asked, and feel like I can confide in them that no, things are not quite okay, and here's why. I didn't go into the whole meds-make-my-brain-fuzzy thing, but I did talk a bit about job dissatisfaction, stress, not sleeping well, and general depression. And you know what? They didn't judge me for being a crazy person (not that I expected them to). Nobody really does, that I know of.

Anyway, I've been thinking all day about how I don't really want to go to knit night tonight, but I don't want to ditch my friends, and I really need to get out of the house, and on and on. I'm stressing out majorly today (more so in the morning than now) because of work, even though it's not an unusually busy day or anything. I think the depression is just lowering my tolerance for stress, and that in turn is causing some anxiety over things that, on any other day, wouldn't even cross my mind. I mean, I ran out of disposable pipets and freaked out. Then I used something else and everything turned out just fine. No big deal, right? Apparently, it was.

But as I said the other day: I'm more or less forcing myself to go to things and blog (look, it's working!) and get up and go to work every morning, so I'll go to knit night tonight. I just might not like it.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Have you ever carpeted three rooms, four closets, and two flights of stairs? You have to move EVERYTHING. We had stuff shoved in every little nook and cranny in the house. My bathroom served as book storage:

Makes me look way smarter than I actually am.

Anyway, here's the old carpet. We ripped it up ourselves to save a few dollars.

Here's the end result on the stairs:

We got the super fluffy kind, with the super smooshy pad underneath, and it's like walking around on clouds.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I've been thinking a bit lately about what has me depressed. It all started at work a few weeks ago...

A new guy started. New Guy is perfectly nice, and this has almost nothing to do with him. HPLC Chemist also has a teeny role in this, but of course it's not at all his fault, either.

So HPLC Chemist is still in school and is always asking me chemistry questions, and I don't know the answers because I've been out of school for five years and because these damn drugs...well, I'll get to that in a moment. Either way, he asks me a question and I have to say "I'm sorry, I don't remember..." and then I feel like a total dumbass.

New Guy is not fresh out of college, but more so than I am, so he remembers things and picks up everything super fast. This is a good thing, for sure. It's also a good thing that HPLC Chemist is always trying to learn more about not just his classes, but his job and the chemistry it entails. These really are good things.

So I feel like an idiot. That's what has me depressed lately. I pinpointed it. Here's the thing: I know I'm smart. I know that. I have a degree in chemistry, for hell's sake.

Have you seen the movie "A Beautiful Mind"? Now, I am in NO WAY comparing myself to John Nash, because holy hell would that be the height of hubris, but in the movie, at one point, he started to take antipsychotic medication and found that he could no longer think clearly, especially on matters mathematical. This is how I feel. I feel dulled. I feel cloudy. I try to do math in my head that used to be so incredibly easy for me and I have to stop and write it down, because I can't hold the numbers in my mind.

I used to be smart. In college, I was in no way a Sheldon Cooper (I didn't go to college when I was 12), but I was at least a Leonard Hofsteder, however you spell his name. I got my degree with minimal effort because things just made sense to me. The math just made sense. Chemical processes made sense. It all just clicked. I loved it all so much. And now it's just lost. All the things I knew, everything I memorized and learned and studied so hard, it's all gone. I don't remember things anymore. And if I try to re-learn something, it doesn't stick.

I feel so stupid. I hate it.

And it doesn't help that I was walking New Guy through how to do my job for when I'm not there (he's going to learn everyone's stuff so he can sub when we're sick or vacationing), and I realized that with few exceptions, I do the same damn thing over and over every single day. I try to tell myself that I work for yarn, and to get myself out of the house every day, and to be social, and I work for the weekend, but I can't help but feel like I've wasted my hard-earned degree with a position as nothing more than a glorified lab tech. Now don't get me wrong; it's a good job. I get paid more than I need, I have great benefits, and for the most part I like my coworkers. But there's no challenge. And I'm not sure I could handle a job that was a challenge, since my mind has turned to muck.

Damn drugs.

But I can never go off of them and hope to have even a shred of a decent life, not to mention a decent relationship with Scott.

We got our new fridge and microwave installed (ignore the mess, please):

And the new stove:

THEY ALL MATCH. Everything is so beautiful. I'm really excited about this (well, as excited as you're going to get when you're depressed). I feel like we've accomplished something BIG.

Funny thing about the fridge: we measured it long before we bought it so we would be sure it would fit when we designed the cabinets and had the countertops installed. When they were installed, it looked like it was all installed properly, because the fridge we used to have was a smidge smaller than this new one, so of course it fit just fine.

Well, we went to put the new one in and it didn't fit. Like, at all. Cue panic. It turns out the countertop people installed it very slightly wrong...just wrong enough to make us freak out, apparently. What it took to get it to fit was everyone donning respirators or masks and Scott using his Skil saw to shave down the countertop,

then once he had gotten it shaved down as much as he could without damaging the cabinet, he sanded it, and then he spent probably 20 minutes shoving the damn thing in place. Let me tell you...if this thing ever needs servicing it better not need to come out because that thing is in there. It's funny now but at the time we just about had matching heart attacks.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Another recent spinning adventure was with my Sno-Cone batt from my knitting group friend. I told myself I wasn't going to buy more fiber except the fiber club, but I saw this and Had. To. Have. It. I mean, THE RAINBOW COLORS.

Here it is on the bobbin:

I tried to get more color control on this batt than others I've spun before. I spun it so whatever I make from it will have four repeats of a blue-green-yellow-orange-pink-purple stripe pattern.

Overall I'm happy with how it turned out. I chain-plied it to keep the color control, and I think it turned out a good weight, and it's pretty consistent, too.

I don't know how long it's going to take me to remember to take before pictures as well as after...

I borrowed the picture from her Etsy shop so you could see how scrumptious it looked, sitting there in front of me, calling my name...it's the big picture in the center.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

I have more than one friend in my knitting group that dyes fiber, either for fun or for a living. I get my monthly club fiber from one of them, and the other brings in braids she's done every once in a while.

Here's one I bought from her:

This one was large enough that I needed two bobbins (which isn't that much, in the spinning world, but it's a lot for a newbie like me).

It ended up in two skeins, and this picture is too dark, but you can see how much I have. It's not the softest wool, so I don't know what I'll do with it. Mittens, perhaps?

My wheel spinning is slowly but surely getting more consistent. I'm sure if I practiced more I'd be better at it by now...

Friday, August 24, 2012

I bought myself a new knitting bag. It is shiny hot pink with shinier butterflies on it. I am apparently nine years old.

I also bought a set of nesting pink pouches. I'm using one for each project I have in progress. That way whatever notions I need I have already right there in my hot pink project pouch. I forgot to take pictures of those...I should do that; they're totally adorable.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Every couple of weeks Scott and I are now participating in a produce co-op called Bountiful Baskets. Basically, for $15 you get $50 worth of produce, and all you have to do is volunteer every once in a while (which I haven't done yet, since it's at 5 freaking 30 in the morning...). The produce is just like what you would get in a grocery store. Here's the first basket we got:

(In the brown bag there are peaches and plums)

That's a LOT for $15, riiiiiiight? It lasts us two weeks, usually, since it's just the two of us.

Anyway, it's helped me and Scott to work more fruits and vegetables into our diet, which is definitely a good thing. It's also saving us money. Also, I'm trying cooking. COOKING. ME. It's amazing; I totally made cauliflower cheese soup from scratch and it was almost as delicious as at Zupas!

Anyway, hit up the link above if you're interested and see if there's a co-op near you. They're all over the country, apparently.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I've been looking through my pictures and realizing that I've been making things...many, many things...but not posting because oh look, I'm depressed and boring.

So I've joined this fiber club where every month I get an art batt and a coordinating top. It's always a surprise what we get. I love it! I finally got around to spinning the first month's fiber a little while ago, and wanted to show you all a couple of pictures. Or like ten pictures.

Of course, I forgot to take a picture of the unspun batt because I'm a rock star like that...it was titled "The 80s Are A Blur" for obvious, very colorful reasons.

Here is the batt on the bobbin:

It has a bit of something shiny in it, and you can see on that last one how it catches the light a bit.

And here it is all spun up:

I know, it kinda looks like a clown threw up, but wait and you'll see the end result.

Here's the blue top that came with it, drawn out into thin strips to make it easier to draft:

In progress, going onto the bobbin:

Finished on the bobbin:

Finished and wound into a hank:

And the two together, wound into center-pull balls:

Still kinda looks like clown barf, yes? Well...

It took me several false starts and experiments to decide what exactly to do with this, but it turns out it wanted to be a cowl for Em:

It's not really to my taste, but Em loves ALL THE COLORS and when I showed her the halfway-done cowl she expressed delight in what she saw, so I'm satisfied with the end result of the first month's fiber club fiber.

This is the first time I've actually made something from yarn I've spun. I'm slightly proud of myself!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I didn't really realize what was going on until about an hour ago, when I was reading a post about a friend of mine who is dealing with some depression. I think I'm a bit depressive at the moment.

Why do I think this? Well, I've lost interest in a few things that have brought me joy in the past...one of them being blogging. I feel like I have nothing of interest to say, and I feel like the types of things I share on here are trite and irrelevant to most people, and when you feel that way you don't really want to do anything with the old blog, do you? Nope.

I don't know why I didn't see it before. Not wanting to do certain things, or hang with people much, and having a hard time sleeping, and being stressed at work by things that normally wouldn't stress me out, not wanting to be social...these are all classic Anna Is Depressed symptoms, but apparently it took someone else noticing her own depression for me to notice mine.

So what am I going to do about it? Not a damn thing. I'll force myself to continue to get out of bed in the morning and go to work and talk to coworkers I don't care to talk to. I'll force myself to continue to go to knitting group every week, even if I don't feel like being around people. I'll force myself to knit, crochet, and spin, because I know myself well enough to know that keeping up the routine is always the best thing to draw me out of a funk.

Maybe I'll even force myself to blog more. We'll see how that one works out...

Thursday, August 2, 2012

First of all, this isn't about the first amendment, like people seem to think it is.It's not about a man who owns a company who has a viewpoint supporting traditional marriage. Good for him. He's allowed to think and do whatever he wants within the law, and like it or not, his opinion is just as valid as mine.

It's about boycotting a COMPANY that funnels money into anti-gay organizations. Organizations that treat gays as less-than-human. Organizations that discriminate and shame gays. A COMPANY, PEOPLE. This guy isn't using private funds for this. He's using COMPANY FUNDS for this.

So if you don't support the company, don't go get delicious chicken.

What am I doing? Not going to Chik-Fil-A. But I'm not making Scott boycott with me. He doesn't give half a damn about politics as I do, and he loves their chicken. And who could blame him? It's damn delicious.

The end. That's all there is to it.

Thoughts?

(My sister is gay, I have friends and friends of friends and family members of friends who are gay, and guess what? They're awesome people who have rights, and who should get more rights, like "regular" people.)

Saturday, June 30, 2012

A recent purchase has made me quite happy, and Scott is happy that I'm happy, and therefore my house is full of happy.

Meet Queen Penelope, a.k.a. Penny:

She's a Lendrum :) And her name comes from The Big Bang Theory, of course.

Penny came to me used, from a friend of a friend, for $575. Now, of course you're thinking, "Anna, that's not a very good deal. You could have gotten a new one for close to the same price." Well, the woman from whom I bought it has four babies, and had no time for spinning like she thought she would, so she had bought a whole lot of indie-dyed fiber and then never spun much at all, so really, the wheel is pretty much new, and it came with ALL the fiber the woman had bought. There was at least $100 of fiber there, all in colors I like and would have picked out myself. So really, it was a fantastic deal.

Now, I've spun a bit on it, and let me tell you: it's different than spinning on a spindle. Much different. I feel like I have to learn from the beginning, because the hand motions are completely different, and you're controlling like five things at once instead of just two. It's a good thing I love this so much, because it's going to take a lot of hard work to get as good on Penny as I am on the spindles.

So here's what I've spun on the wheel so far:

The first bit is on the left, and the bit I just finished is on the right. They're all still better than my first handspun on the spindle, but still leave something to be desired compared to, say, Barbie.

Friday, June 29, 2012

A few weeks ago one of the women in my knitting group got a hold of about 50 pounds of raw wool (as in, straight off the sheep). I suck at telling stories that aren't mine, so I'll spare you the details, but her husband thought she had somehow bought 50 pounds of pot...the cops came over and everything. She had to show them the giant bag of wool in her SUV for them to believe her.

ANYWAY. So she wanted to get everyone together to learn how to process raw wool. Now, this isn't something I'm really interested in per se, but I would like to be able to say I've done everything except shear the sheep (maybe someday I'll shear a sheep. Who knows.). So here's my portion of raw wool, inside the old pillowcase it came in:

Yeah, that's dirt and grass and a little poo in there. It smelled awful. Scott was especially disgusted, but to be fair, I had warned him that at some point there would be raw fleece in the house...

Anyway, so you put small bits into a lingerie bag and put it through a series of soaks with soapy water, plain water, and vinegar. Each soak takes about ten minutes, so we're talking about a full hour of soaking total.

After it's "clean" (I say "clean" because the dirt and poo all comes out, but the bits of grass don't), you can either let it dry or go on straight to dyeing it. I decided to dye it:

I just had to spread it out in a casserole dish with plenty of water, a bit of vinegar, and then food coloring spread out and mashed in with a fork. You can do this with other types of dyes, but on short notice food coloring is all I had.

I then baked it at 200 degrees to set the dye, and then drained and rinsed it all. I didn't let the dye set long enough (I got tired and wanted to get to bed), so the blue didn't take all the way and came out a grayish blue. I like it, though, so even though it wasn't what I intended it's fine with me.

Then all I needed was to lay it out on a towel and let it air-dry for a few days. It would have dried faster, but we keep our house pretty well air-conditioned.

I had my indie-dyer friend "flick" (brush out all the veg, a.k.a. grass and such) and card it into little batts for me to spin. I could have done that myself, but she has the proper tools and it only took her a fraction of the time it would have taken me.

I'm thinking I need to spin this into one long color changing yarn, then make myself (or someone very special) a scarf from it.

Now I've done everything except shear the sheep. And I'm in no rush for that.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

One of the things we did when we were working on the house recently was to order new blinds for the entire house. The girl at Home Depot that ordered them for us did a few of them wrong (apparently the difference between diameter and radius was completely lost on her)...but fortunately, Home Depot is always totally willing to fix any mistakes, so aside from a little inconvenience, it was a pretty easy process.

Since for the most part they look the same as the old ones (but not chewed on, thanks BUSTER), I won't post pictures, but the one that I love the most we didn't have before, and that's the one for the semicircular window in our bedroom.

Scott, of course, installed it himself:

Here's a picture of the whole window:

It's a little difficult to see, since it was backlit, but trust me, it's gorgeous. Here's how it looks closed:

So that's my favorite new blind. Now, with it closed, I'll actually be able to sleep in without the light waking me up!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

It's a worthy goal and I'll report my progress: I've only had soda three times since the beginning of June. Including right now. Right now I'm drinking a deliciously forbidden Dr. Pepper (full octane, not even diet...I'm a badass). Anyway...not perfect, but I went from drinking soda every day, sometimes twice or three times a day, to thrice in one month. That's an amazing improvement, yes?

Interestingly, I haven't lost a damn pound.

The reason I've gotten soda three times is this: I switched to a new medication. You'll see the connection in a few minutes.

Now, I really hate to mess around with my psych meds, since I'm more or less stable and new ones could possibly throw me off balance, and really, who has time for that? Not me.

But even though that happened, I still really wanted to get away from this particular medication.

Enter Abilify.

Abililfy is supposedly more weight neutral (I gained 50 pounds in two months when I started the Risperdal), has a lower impact on blood sugar and cholesterol, and Mim had tried it for a little while and LOVED it (she went off it because it's not generic and she doesn't have insurance, and she couldn't afford it. It's something like $700 a month. If that's not something blatantly wrong with the healthcare system here, then I don't know what is...). So, I wanted to give it a try, as a replacement for the Risperdal.

The insurance company, of course, wanted me to jump through hoops to get it covered. They wanted me to try a different atypical antipsychotic, which is what Risperdal and Abilify both are, one that is generic and would cost them less. I was fine with that; I mean, for all I knew the Seroquel they wanted me to try would be even better for me. Everyone's brain chemistry is different, so with psych meds you really never know if something is going to make you better or worse. It sucks, sure, but what can you do about it? At least we have psychotropic medication. A hundred years ago I would have been lobotomized or something equally heinous.

So I tried the Seroquel. For only one day. Because I felt drunk. DUH-RUNK. And I went to work that way. It was BAD. I called the doctor and left a semi-rambling message about how I felt funny and I can't work or drive like this, blah blah blah. I probably sounded like a total lush, all slurring and whatnot.

Fortunately, that's all it took for them to approve the Abilify.

So how's it working out for me?

Well, my anxiety level is the lowest it's ever been in my life. No joke. Just that is the reason I will keep taking this as long as I need to, which might be forever.

Side effects so far: I feel a little bit more tired than I did on the Risperdal. I can deal with this. As soon as the new carpet gets installed (a post for another day) I plan on moving my treadmill back in from the garage and getting my ass on there for at least a few minutes every day. I think that'll help me feel more awake overall. That's the reason for the soda, by the way: I'm soooooo groggy some mornings. I really needed caffeine a few times, and coffee doesn't always sound good to me. There's a little bit of dry mouth, but I'm trying to drink more water anyway. Intestines don't seem happy with it, but since I live with IBS this is really something I'm used to dealing with. Appetite is down a bit, and motivation to get things done is down a bit, which is probably why I can't motivate myself to get on here and write about what's happening (and there ARE happenings, I assure you), and both of these things are probably related to being more tired all the time.

I'm hoping that the combination of the new medication, less soda, and getting some exercise will help me lose some of this weight that I gained when I started the Risperdal. We'll see.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Nyah is two years old now, so logically, I made her a dinosaur. It's not very nice...but she won't care. It's soft and snuggly. It didn't take very long overall, but next time I'd make some changes to the instructions to make it easier, faster, and more visually pleasing.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

I'm sure you've been wondering what in the hell we spent $5,500 on the other day. $20 was, of course, the blinds for the back door. So good!

So what else did we do? We ordered new blinds for every window in the house (except those in the basement, since that won't be finished for quite a while). They're similar to what we have now, white faux wood slats, but they're a little nicer, and there's a beautiful semicircular one for the window in our master bedroom (which will make sleeping in on the weekends in our east-facing room a LOT easier). Awesome for us: custom window treatments were all 15% off this week. We win again!

Next we ordered carpet and installation for the two upstairs bedrooms and the blue room (the den). They're coming to take measurements this coming Saturday, and then it'll be supposedly seven to ten days before we can get it installed. We're crossing our fingers it can happen on the fast side of that estimate.

Last, but definitely not least, we ordered the rest of the appliances for the kitchen! We got the refrigerator, microwave, and stove/oven. They're all stainless steel, the same models that go with our dishwasher. They'll be delivered on Saturday. The best part? They were on sale, too, so we got $350 off our entire appliance order. They're all going to match!

With these two bits on sale, almost everything we've ever gotten from Home Depot has been on sale right when we were ready to order it. We LOVE Home Depot. Seriously. When we ordered the materials for the deck, the Trex was on sale. When we ordered the kitchen cabinets, they were on sale. Countertops, same thing. And now, appliances and blinds! The only thing we've paid full price for was the carpet.

Now we just need to sell the old appliances. They all work, so we should be able to get a bit of cash out of them and put it toward this rather large purchase.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

One of the things we did the other day when we were at Home Depot was to pick up a set of vertical blinds for the back door...that we put in two years ago. Oops. This was the least expensive thing, ringing it at a whopping $20!

We've been putting old sheets over it when it gets too bright and at night. I think you'll agree that this is a vast improvement.

Open:

Scott closing them:

And closed:

Ahhhhh. So nice. Now we just need to put actual trim around the door...

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About Me

..."God is totally present at every point of space and time, and locally present in none"
-C. S. Lewis
...so...God is an electron?
To say that Hell is a place of everlasting fire is thermodynamically unsound.
However, I'm not making strides to get there ;)
I love science.