All posts for the month February, 2012

so this particular topic has been on my mind for a hot minute. motherhood is awkward. it is and there’s no way around it. imagine this (or if this really is you, just look in the mirror): you have no children. you live your life doing whatever, going to bed whenever, eating and drinking what you want, showing up to work on time, staying behind a few minutes here and there to chat or finish an email. catch my drift? YOU get to do what YOU want because YOU answer to YOU.

and then suddenly, every single thing you do is connected to another human being. a tiny, almost entirely helpless human being. at the very beginning of my pregnancy, (you know, the stage before people know), i started randomly turning down alcohol, deli meat, sushi, soft cheeses, and runny eggs. basically every delicious thing my friends and family watched me consume by the truck load for years. and then the random napping begins because the first trimester is so exhausting. my boss caught me napping at my desk at one point and a few months later had to ask me why i spent my lunch break sleeping in my car. pregnancy made me feel as though i suddenly had no place in the world, like i was living this very temporary alternate life.

and it doesn’t end there. we all know how i feel about #overitpregnantedition. once visibly pregnant, the comments, the stares and the touching had me lurking around trying not to bump into people or i would rapidly find a seat at meetings or in class so i could sit down and cover my belly with my hands or a table. and as i got closer to giving birth, people seemed to be running circles around me pulling up chairs and offering to fetch me things like water, snacks and new, less swollen ankles. and i loved the attention, but it was still weird.

i’m not gonna get into the whole birth thing, that’s not really awkward it just is what it is. but then baby and i are now two disconnected people and since i am no longer with child, it’s a lot harder to hide the crazies. in my case, the biggest, most awkward challenge has been breastfeeding. it’s one thing to be attached to a baby in the privacy of my own home but it’s another thing to go to work and put paper up over the window to my office or having to answer quick questions through the door because i’m pumping. then there was that one time that i got so upset about a comment about my body that i started to leak everywhere. talk about having to walk away without a shred of dignity left.

my favorite moment of motherly awkwardness? washing pumping related equipment in public places like the bathroom. in front of co-workers. in front of a supervisor. in front of 18 year old undergrads.uhhhhh yeeeeaaahhhhh let me just…ok…i’m putting it away now….i just…..sigh.

how about when my daughter wants to nurse suddenly? know what she does? she tries to pull up my shirt, bury her head in my chest and if I’m really lucky, she will motorboat my cleavage. in public. yah.

then there’s zombie mondays that never cease to end. you can bet that if you want me to embarrass myself, ask me a really complex question at 9 am on monday mornings. you’re welcome. and if it’s 5 pm, don’t start a new conversation with me because i am not having it. i need to be out the door, in my car and on the way to pick my daughter up on time. i don’t stick around to chat it up, i don’t go to happy hour and i don’t want to grab dinner. i want to go home and hang out with my kid who goes to bed at 6:45. i’m on a time crunch and right now she’s my social life. if that means i have to be all behind on the gossip and the fun times then so be it. that’s what my undergrad was for.

and if you’re a mom too and you know what i’m going through, i’m going to want to talk about it. i want to ask you about what happened to your body and baby toe jam and baby poop. i want to know what you do to get your kid back to sleep, or how you deal with teething and feeding solids. i want to connect with you so badly that all the non-parent people in the group will feel shut out and skulk away. and i’m not going to feel bad because right now i need to feel like i’m not crazy and talking to others going through the same thing is what will help me feel that way. my social etiquette is out the window, i’m basically napoleon dynamite with smaller teeth. and i’m ok with that.

so in conclusion, no, i didn’t see that movie, i haven’t eaten at that new restaurant and i haven’t been to any good concerts lately [insert awkward silence here].but let me show you my 417th iphone picture of my 9 month old, k? #adventuresinparenting #thisismylifenow