Bex Talks Sexhttp://www.bextalkssex.com
Starting the ConversationFri, 20 Jul 2018 14:24:09 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.945716064Six Things To Remember When You’re Negotiatinghttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BexTalksSex/~3/VoG4FIg7ixQ/
http://www.bextalkssex.com/simmer/#respondFri, 13 Jul 2018 14:00:00 +0000http://www.bextalkssex.com/?p=90589Negotiation is tricky, I can’t count the number of times I’ve been in the middle of a scene and had a question come to mind that I didn’t have the answer to. What should I call you? Are you going to hit me where I really want? Can I kiss you? There’s always going to …

]]>Negotiation is tricky, I can’t count the number of times I’ve been in the middle of a scene and had a question come to mind that I didn’t have the answer to. What should I call you? Are you going to hit me where I really want? Can I kiss you?

There’s always going to be something you forgot to ask, but I’ve found the easiest way to mitigate that is to have a formula. A series of reminders that I can follow no matter how distracted I am. Since the walk to the dungeon is hardly the time to pull out a Yes/No/Maybe list I came up with was SIMMER, wherein each letter stands for an area that I need to negotiate around.

This guide is not designed to be prescriptive or exhaustive, feel free to take what works for you, add your own flavor, and disregard the stuff that doesn’t work for you. This guide is also not designed to be directed exclusively by the dominant towards the submissive, instead it should be a collaborative exercise. Many people forget that the dominant has boundaries, limits, and motivations that impact the scene, and it’s important to take those into consideration in the same way you would for a submissive.

S – Sex

Not everyone’s sex involves kink, and not everyone’s kink involves sex. It’s important to check in with your partner to see if sex is on the table for your play session, and if it is, what will that sex look like. This is also a great time to talk about safer sex practices and STI status, which can be nerve-wracking for a lot of people. If you’re unsure how to bring it up, I often start by disclosing my own status – “So, I was last tested in May for HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and HSV 1 & 2. All of the tests came back negative, and I typically use barriers for penetration but not oral. You?”

You’ll notice I did a few things there. First of all, by disclosing first I role modeled the information I wanted from my partner and created space for them not to share their own status. I listed the tests I had done because “getting tested” can mean different things at different clinics and typically doesn’t include HSV. I also didn’t call myself “clean” because people with STIs aren’t dirty. Finally I included my safer sex practices and prompted them to share their own information.

Questions You Might Ask: Do you want there to be a sexual component to our play tonight? | What do you imagine that sex looking like? | How do you feel about my touching your genitals? Over clothes? Under clothes? | Do you want there to be a sexual energy to this scene? | Can I kiss you? | Is penetration on the table? Which holes? | What do you feel comfortable being penetrated by? | Are there any parts of your body I shouldn’t touch? | Are there any parts of your body you love having touched? | Is orgasm important to you tonight? | If orgasm is a priority, what is the most reliable way to get you there? | Do you enjoy sexual play at the same time as your kink, or should it happen separately? | How do you feel about bodily fluids (blood, spit, cum, etc.)?

I – Intensity

Kink can be about overcoming a challenge but it doesn’t always have to be, sometimes it’s about relaxing after a long day at work or getting a nudge into the right head space to get through something stressful. Other times, it’s about pushing your limits beyond what you ever thought possible and trying something really scary. Calibrating intensity levels with your partner or partners can help clarify for each of you where you want this scene to take you, without it, you run the risk of one player pushing the other well beyond where they were hoping to go.

The trick with intensity is that it’s not exactly quantifiable. Most of these questions are designed to be discussed before a scene, but intensity requires regular check ins during the scene to make sure you’re on the same page. The red/yellow/green safe word system works well for this, as yellow can be used to indicate when you’re approaching your limits. I’m also a fan of using a 1-10 scale, as it allows you to set your goal number ahead of time and quickly check in by asking which number you’re at.

Questions You Might Ask:On a scale of 1-10, how hard do you want to be hit today? | How far do you want to be pushed today? | Will today test your limits? | How are you feeling about today’s scene? | What are your hard limits? | What are your soft limits? | Which limits do you want tested today? | How much do you want to struggle today?

M- Meta-Communication

This is one of my favorite categories of questions, but also one of the most overlooked. For all of the communication you have before a scene, it’s still important to hammer out exactly how you’re going to communicate during your scene, especially when you’re playing with someone new. People experience kink in very different ways, for example if my best friend cries during a scene, it’s business as usual, however if I spontaneously burst into tears that scene better come to a halt so we can assess what went wrong. Instead, when I’m in a scene I go nonverbal very quickly, so I need to negotiate in advance so my partners know to check in more often when I get all floaty.

Questions You Might Ask:Which safe words or safe signals will we use? | How can I check in with you in the middle of the scene? | What can I expect to see if you are enjoying yourself? | How will I know if you need me to check in with you again? | What is the best way to communicate with you if you are in top space or subspace? | Which language do you like used for your body? | What would you like me to call you? | Are there any words I should avoid? | How do you feel about dirty talk?

M – Motivations

Kink is about a lot more than what you’re doing, it’s about why you’re doing it. Sure, someone might want a spanking scene, but are they looking to endure and conquer something? Are they trying to be a good boy for a dominant? Are they looking to be punished? These are all very different scenes, and it’s important to discuss what you’re looking for ahead of time. Delving into the why also makes for more interesting scenes, your partner might have more ideas for ways to evoke certain feelings that had never occurred to you before.

Questions You Might Ask:How do you want to feel during this scene? | Why do you want to do x? | What is it about x that turns you on? | What feelings do you want to avoid during this scene? | What are you looking to get out of today’s scene? | How do you want to feel at the end of today’s scene? | What do you crave today? | Why is feeling x important to you? | What do you love about x? | How do you hope your partner will feel during the scene? | Do you want this scene to leave marks?

E – End

So, you’ve negotiated, you’ve done your scene, but now what? Negotiating what happens at the end of your scene is just as important as negotiating what you’re going to do during it. First of all, you’ll want to know how the scene will end. Maybe it ends in orgasm, or it ends with a safe word. Maybe you’ll just go until you both get tired, but how will you know when that happens? Knowing what everyone expects from a scene will help it come to a graceful close.

Then comes the aftercare. When you’re both coming down from a scene in a dungeon is not the time to decide that you’re going to need Reese’s Pieces and a warm shower asap, so make sure to check in and prepare for your future selves.

Questions You Might Ask: How will we know when the scene is over? | What kind of aftercare do you find most helpful? | Is there anything you will need after the scene? | What is the best way to check in with you after a scene? | What happens when someone fails an assignment/task/predicament? Is that the end of the scene?

R – Risk Assessment

Sex is risky, kink is even more so. Your risk assessment will vary based on the type of play you’re engaging in, but it’s important for all types of play. Mistakes happen, boundary violations happen, we step on emotional landmines and our floggers don’t always land quite where we intended, sex is messy, kink is messy, but it’s important for us to minimize that risk, and negotiate what we will do when something goes wrong.

Part of the risk assessment is also making sure everyone is informed of the potential risks involved in the play you’re engaging in. If someone is new to a particular activity, the onus is on the more experienced player to not only talk through the risks, but to also give the less experienced player the resources they need to research the activity on their own. When the person introducing you to something new is your only resource for information on that thing it creates a dangerous power dynamic, and not the fun kind.

Questions You Might Ask:Do you have any injuries I need to know about? | Are there any triggers I need to know to avoid? | Are there any positions that are hard for you to hold? | What is your experience with x? | What do you know about x? | How will we quickly end the scene if we need to? | What is your current health condition? | Do you have asthma, diabetes, or any other condition that might impact your play? | Do you have any problems with circulation? | Is anyone intoxicated and/or have they taken any substances? | Do you have any known allergies?

So there it is, SIMMER, the six areas you want to make sure to touch on when you’re negotiating a scene. What are some of your favorite questions to ask before a scene?

]]>http://www.bextalkssex.com/simmer/feed/090589http://www.bextalkssex.com/simmer/I Could Write It Better Than You’ve Ever Felt Ithttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BexTalksSex/~3/AO2xOddDaok/
http://www.bextalkssex.com/sexting/#respondFri, 22 Jun 2018 14:51:00 +0000http://www.bextalkssex.com/?p=90356 There are a million reasons to love sexting, not least of which being the fact that you can be sexy without changing out of your pajama pants. As a person who was in a long distance relationship for quite a while, a huge portion of the sex I was having was through text. I always …

]]>There are a million reasons to love sexting, not least of which being the fact that you can be sexy without changing out of your pajama pants. As a person who was in a long distance relationship for quite a while, a huge portion of the sex I was having was through text. I always loved the way it taught us about each other’s bodies and helped us brainstorm kinky things to do. Plus, then we were able to bring that knowledge into the sex we were having when we were in the same place, and it made it way better than it would have been without it. Despite it’s perks, a lot of people are, understandably, intimidated by the idea of laying out their dirty thoughts for everyone to see, so I wanted to put together something going over the basics for you all.

Etiquette

People like to think of sexting as if it’s this thing completely separate from in person sex, when really, a number of the same ideas apply: First, confirm that this is something they want to do. Find a sexy and sfw way to ask if they’re down, I can’t stop thinking about you, do you want to hear what I’ve got on my mind? or I just took a great picture for you, would now be a good time to share it? It’s hard to read your partner’s mood when your not in the same room, and while sometimes it might be fun to be surprised by an epic dick pic from someone you adore, there are certainly other times where that would not be welcome.

You also want to set realistic expectations, if you’re at work or another place where you might get distracted or pulled away, share that information with your partner. There’s nothing worse than sending a selfie that makes your ass look like it should be hung in a museum… and not getting a response. In the 35 minutes it took you to handle that issue with Todd from accounting, I’ve already assumed you hated it and am now sitting in a pile of blankets with some comforting Ben & Jerry’s, texting it to my best friend so she could appreciate it the way you didn’t.

Sexting is like improv, it can’t continue unless both people are invested. One of the core tenants of improv is simple: “Yes, and…”. The idea is that a “no” shuts a scene down, whereas a “yes, and…” allows you to build on it and keep things moving. For example:

Person 1: Here, would you like some cake?

Person 2: No, there’s no cake here.

When instead it could have gone:

Person 1: Here, would you like some cake?

Person 2: I’d love that! Can you believe Grandma is turning 80 today?

Not only did the person agree, but they built on it, which allowed the scene to move along and grow in a different direction. This gets complicated when we transfer it into a sexual context, no one should ever feel obligated to say yes, however if you want the sexting to continue, you might want to be engaged enough to not derail it entirely with non-responses and single word answers. Take what they say, and build on it.

That said, sometimes you do have to say no, someone might suggest something that just doesn’t seem hot to you or that crosses a boundary. In that case, I want you to feel comfortable shutting things down if you want to. Other times, you might not be interested in what they suggested, but are still interested in making something fun happen, in this case I recommend redirecting and offering something else you’d rather do instead. So instead of:

Person 1: Do you want Daddy’s cock in your ass?

Person 2: Nah

Which doesn’t really give something for the other person to continue the conversation with, you might have better luck with:

Person 1: Do you want Daddy’s cock in your ass?

Person 2: I’d rather Daddy fill my cunt up with his cock, I love how he feels, pushed against my g-spot.

Sure you made it clear that you weren’t interested in what they offered, but you also suggested an alternative so that the other person can gracefully pick up the conversation there.

What Do I Say?!

Here are some prompts to get you started:

Talk about what is currently happening, consider what you’re doing, seeing, and feeling.

Talk about what has happened already.

Talk about will happen in the future

What do you think it would be like to…

Last night I had a dream where…

I watched some porn the other day and it made me want to…

I can’t stop thinking about…

I want to _____ your _____

I love…

Making it Hot

One of the hardest parts of sexting is finding the right words to use. Not only is there the pressure to sound sexy, but there’s also the risk of using words that alienate your partner, or make them uncomfortable. That’s one of the reasons my Yes/No/Maybe list template includes a section to negotiate the kinds of language you enjoy, but you don’t have to sit down with your spreadsheets to get some hints on what language to use.

You can ask your partner about the language they prefer for their body, or ask their favorite filthy words, and you can pay attention to the language they use. If your partner tells you they want you to stroke their cock, you can probably assume that they like referring to their genitals as their cock. If you notice certain feelings and adjectives coming up in their sexting, maybe they talk about how aggressively you’d fuck them, or how indifferent they’d be to your begging, you can then mirror those types of language back at them in your own sexts.

Start simple, choose one of the prompts from above and hammer out what you want to say, then pepper in some adjectives and details to make your language more colorful. Build scenes and engage your senses. Consider how would you or they feel in the moment, both physically and emotionally. How would the sex you’re having look? How would it taste, smell, and sound? What might you be thinking while you play? Include details and don’t just tell the story you want to share but bring them into the moment.

“Remember when I sucked your cock last night?”

“I loved sucking your cock last night, all I can think about was the way you taste and how you felt in my mouth.”

“I can’t wait to spank you”

“I can’t wait to pull you over my knee and beat your ass. I want to feel it get hot and red under my hand. I want to see you squirm.”

“I love having my fingers inside of you, feeling you tighten around me as you come.”

“I want to go down on you”

“I’ve always wondered what you taste like, I can’t wait to have my mouth on you.”

Looking for more ideas, or not even sure what words you find hot? Erotica is a fantastic resource to explore the language that turns you on (and the language that most certainly does not), as well as audio erotica and porn with a lot of dirty talk. Nina Hartley tends to be particularly communicative. Make a note of what words and phrases pique your interests and remember to integrate it into future scenes.

Pictures and Video

Some people feel content with keeping their digital dalliances limited to text, while others choose to include photos or video. No one type of sexting is superior to another and you should never feel obligated to do more than you are comfortable with, even digitally, but if you’re looking to include some seductive selfies there are some things you’re going to want to consider.

Not every picture you send needs to be explicit, there are plenty of ways to be sexy and safe for work at the same time, and sometimes I just like to see your face. Regardless of what you want in your picture, there are some basics you’re going to want to pay attention to. First of all, is your space clean and free of clutter, at least the areas that will be in the frame? Will you be well lit? Natural lighting is great whenever possible and try to keep your light sources to the front or side of you, being backlit is never a good look. When I’m feeling serious about my nudes I pull out the simple lighting kit I bought for like $60.

Since we’re talking tech, nude taking is one of the only times I will encourage you to buy a selfie stick, but they do come in handy for getting creative angles and including more of your body in the shot. I also love my remote shutter and mini tripod that allow me to take all kinds of photos from any angle I like.

If you’re looking for inspiration look to the models you admire, see how they pose and what props they like to include. I’m not endorsing ripping anyone off entirely, but you can gain a lot of insight about what looks good for you body by looking at other people with similar body types. Consider angles and poses you may not use normally, when I’m taking nudes, I love to take way more than I plan on using and then cull them down to my favorites.

Sexting is all about creativity, play with the pictures you take and the language you use. Try our new kinks and get excited for the next time you play. Most importantly, sexting is about having fun, so feel free to take thing things that work for you and ditch the things that don’t. Play, experiment, and get sexy, friends!

]]>http://www.bextalkssex.com/sexting/feed/090356http://www.bextalkssex.com/sexting/Review: Vixen Creations Gamblerhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BexTalksSex/~3/RrP35PdJyRo/
http://www.bextalkssex.com/review-vixen-creations-gambler/#respondFri, 15 Jun 2018 14:00:00 +0000http://www.bextalkssex.com/?p=90540“There is a new toy coming out in the next couple of months that is very large, larger than anything else we have at the moment- and I thought of you.” When I received a DM from one of my favorite toymakers I was simultaneously completely thrilled by the prospect of a huge new dick …

]]>“There is a new toy coming out in the next couple of months that is very large, larger than anything else we have at the moment- and I thought of you.”

When I received a DM from one of my favorite toymakers I was simultaneously completely thrilled by the prospect of a huge new dick to try, and beyond flattered that my reputation proceeds me enough to warrant that message. It’s not often that a new toy excites me, but my love of large toys is no secret and when the Gambler showed up at my door there was less than 10 minutes between opening the package and trying it out. Just enough time to set up a camera to record my first time with what I was sure would be my new favorite toy. I guess you could say I’m sentimental.

Up until recently, my Vixen Outlaw has been my go to, a toy so thick and long that it effortlessly attracts the attention of every bachelorette and frat bro that wanders into the shop. They’d grab it and wave it in the air and giggle and shriek loudly about how ridiculous it is, about how no one could or would possibly use it. You’ve no idea the number of times I’ve had to say some variation of “No, please do not slap your friend in the face with the dick. Thank you.”1

Next to the Gambler, the Outlaw looks positively tiny.

At 11″ long and nearly 3″ across, the Gambler is one of the largest body safe representational cocks I’ve seen. While there certainly are toys larger than this (and I own a few), they are generally made by fantasy toymakers, with knots, and textures, and shapes far outside of what could be called realistic anatomy. While I love my fantasy toys, I’ve found my tastes lean more towards representational so I was thrilled to have this one available.

In the past, having a representational toy was more about the shape than the fantasy, but lately I’ve been fantasizing not just about fisting and big toys, but big cocks as well, and this toys plays into that beautifully. The Gambler has me imagining what it would be like to fuck someone with a cock so large that a majority of people couldn’t do much more than jerk it off. I imagine the way the person would sheepishly explain the situation, and how they wouldn’t quite believe me when I said that they could fuck me.

Most importantly though, I imagine the surprised gasp of pleasure as they slip inside of me, the rush of pride I’d feel as I take the length of them, and the way they’d be overwhelmed by a sensation they get to experience so infrequently. The Gambler is perfect for this, the sturdy suction cup on the base means I can straddle it, or back onto in, hovering there for just a second, teasing myself and the cock in my fantasies.

I’ve had love affairs with the Mustang, the Maverick, and the Outlaw, each one taking a turn as my favorite. It wasn’t just the plush dual density silicone that drew me to Vixen Creations’ toys (although that’s amazing too) it’s the fact that they seem to have perfected the shape of the head on realistic toys. The blunt, soft, rounded heads feel great just before penetration, and the pronounced corona is sheer perfection during thrusting.

The Mustang and the Maverick both have the same gradual curve, so the head pushes deep into my G-spot, while the straight shaft of the Outlaw hones in on my A-spot in the way nothing else does. The Gambler features that same perfect head, but on a much larger scale. Sure, it has that gentle curve that targets my G-spot, but if I push it deep enough, it’ll even hit my A-spot. I mean, damn, the sheer size of this toy means it practically hits every spot all the time. While textured fantasy toys often feature nubs and ridges that will massage my the walls of my vag, I prefer the smooth shaft of the Gambler, and the way that (with a little warm up) it slides easily into my hole, letting my focus linger on everything the head hits.

This review took me far longer to write than it should have, but how much is there to say about a nearly perfect toy? More importantly, how many times can I stop to jerk off in the middle of writing and still call it research? So far we’re at three. I don’t have a clever quip to end on, or some wise takeaway, all I can say is that The Gambler is thick, squishy perfection, and your holes deserve it.

My personal favorite is from a friend, “This is an adult store so we expect you to act like adults.”

]]>http://www.bextalkssex.com/review-vixen-creations-gambler/feed/090540http://www.bextalkssex.com/review-vixen-creations-gambler/The Myths of Men’s Sex Toyshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BexTalksSex/~3/_LqJm587oXY/
http://www.bextalkssex.com/the-myths-of-mens-sex-toys/#respondFri, 08 Jun 2018 14:00:00 +0000http://www.bextalkssex.com/?p=90515Sex positive, education focused retail boutiques often market themselves as welcoming to women, a clean well lit environment designed to be the antidote to basement porn shops with sticky floors.1 Since it’s so rare to see a space catering specifically for women, in my experience men were often left wondering where they fit in (or …

]]>Sex positive, education focused retail boutiques often market themselves as welcoming to women, a clean well lit environment designed to be the antidote to basement porn shops with sticky floors.1 Since it’s so rare to see a space catering specifically for women, in my experience men were often left wondering where they fit in (or if they fit in at all). Many men who came in, often accompanied by a female partner, would eventually wander up to the register to ask if we carried any toys “for men”.

The answer is more than just a yes. Sure, we carried sex toys that men could use, but that’s simply because all sex toys are sex toys men can use. Now, I understand that when people asked me this question, what they were asking for was a sleeve that they could put their penis into and jerk off, and sure, there are plenty of those, but the world of sex toys for men is so much wider than that, so today I’m here to bust some myths about “male sex toys”.

Male sex toys? So, you mean Fleshlights right?

Men can use a whole range of sex toys and strokers are just a small portion of that. The Cobra Libre is a vibrators designed to stimulate the head of the penis and a cock ring can offer vibration and a stronger erection. You don’t even need a vibrator designed for penises, countless men enjoy having vibrators like the Magic Wand pushed up against their bits. Men who enjoy anal play, which doesn’t make you gay by the way, might enjoy the long slender curve of the Pfun plug, or a thick dildo like The Outlaw. Cis men might want a harness, for double penetration or to just try on a new dick for a day.

None of this is exclusive to cis men either! Trans guys can enjoy all kinds of vibrators externally, and if they enjoy penetration in one or both holes they might enjoy an internal vibe or dildo. Trans men might enjoy butt plugs or harnesses, they might even enjoy a cock ring as a finger vibe for stroking their cock.

Okay, but women get all the cool sex toys. There’s nothing interesting for men.

One glance at the review site Men’s Toys Hub disproves this one. There you’ll find strokers that stroke themselves, blowjob machines, and prostate stimulators that move on their own, and that’s with just a cursory glance across the first page. The Stronic Zwei is a thrusting vibrator that can be used anally or vaginally, and the Loki Wave will curl forward to put pressure on the prostate with consistently hugging the perineum with vibration. The Hot Octopus Pulse features a plate that pulses against the frenulum, offering a unique style of vibration.

Trans men have access to a whole range of toys, from the way Satisfyer’s suction based clit toys can feel like a blowjob on demand to strokers designed specifically for trans clits, cis women aren’t the only people with interesting new sex toys to try.

Well… those sound kind of cool… it’s too bad sex toys are only for sad lonely men living in their parent’s basement.

Nope, this one isn’t true either. Jerking off isn’t exclusive to single folks, and neither are sex toys. Sex toys also don’t make you lonely or pathetic, they make you a person who is invested in exploring their pleasure. Sex toys are also great to use with a partner! The Fleshlight Quickshot is a great accessory for a blowjob, and a good cock ring is going to feel great for everyone involved.

Mutual masturbation is another fantastic way to use your toys, one of the hottest memories I have of my ex was the way he looked with a Magic Wand pushed up against his cock, and who doesn’t want to watch their partner get off?

There are countless options for men in the world of sex toys, and countless ways to use them, all you have to do is start exploring.

Many thanks to Men’s Toy Hub for sponsoring this post! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

That said, I love me a good grimy sex shop and fully believe they have their own place in the industry.

]]>http://www.bextalkssex.com/the-myths-of-mens-sex-toys/feed/090515http://www.bextalkssex.com/the-myths-of-mens-sex-toys/Puberty Pupdate: Sexual Changeshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BexTalksSex/~3/1fhWhgEFcCQ/
http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-sexual-changes/#respondFri, 25 May 2018 21:07:13 +0000http://www.bextalkssex.com/?p=90535Nearly one year ago, on May 30th, 2017, I took my first shot of Testosterone, it was the beginning of my medical transition, though not the beginning of my complicated relationship with my gender. To celebrate my one year on HRT I’m going to be sharing a different post each week of May detailing the …

]]>Nearly one year ago, on May 30th, 2017, I took my first shot of Testosterone, it was the beginning of my medical transition, though not the beginning of my complicated relationship with my gender. To celebrate my one year on HRT I’m going to be sharing a different post each week of May detailing the ways my identities, body, mental health, and sexuality have evolved over the past year, with the help of the testosterone and independent of it. I’m even hosting a giveaway, with your chance to win some of my favorite products!

I have been waiting all month to write this one, this blog is called Bex Talks Sex after all, and now I finally get to do it. In short, I got gayer. Way gayer, my fantasies are full of gay male tropes and I jerk off more than your average teenage boy, I’m basically a parody of myself. Let’s back it up for a minute first though, because it wasn’t just my fantasies or my desire that changed, my genitals physically morphed into something new and that’s the kind of thing that switches your sexuality up a bit.

In the past my clit was so small that it was nearly imperceptible which meant that the only way to really stimulate it was through broad strokes and wide vibrators. Now that it’s grown, I can touch it in much more nuanced ways. Typically that looks like holding my hand over my vulva and pushing my cock between them, keeping them tight together and fucking the narrow space in between, though sometimes I do revert back to broad circles, this time enjoying the way my cock flicks against my fingers.

Sometimes I’ll hold a Tenga SVR against one side of my cock and my thumb on the other and jerk myself off against the vibe. Penetration is slightly harder as my body doesn’t self-lubricate the way it used to, but with some lube I’m taking some of the largest toys I’ve ever taken and craving depth in a way I never had before. I went from adoring the g-spot curve on the Maverick to aching for the a-spot bumping length of the Outlaw, and I was taking the entirety of the Uncut #1 in my ass every time I DPed myself.

I am lazy by nature and in the past when I jerked off it was on my back with a Magic Wand on my dick but recently that’s started to change. Now, more often than not, I’m on my stomach grinding against my Magic Wand, or kneeling, knees spread wide to sit on a thick toy. I want to fuck things I want to stroke my cock and I want to feel someone else tight around it, but most importantly – I want to move.

My fantasies changed too, I went from being slightly squicked by kinks I thought of as filthy, the ones that relish in the taboo of grossness, to absolutely adoring them. Dirty locker rooms, watersports, and sweaty armpits went from living mostly in my no list to being very much my thing. I used to believe humiliation was a hard limit of mine, I went from “beat me, sure, that’s hot, but tell me I’m bad and I’ll just cry” to wondering what it might be like to feel worthless.

I wanted to be gangbanged by muscly daddies in the back of a bar and made to beg by a haughty high femme in stilettos; and I want it all to be on camera. I imagined what it would feel like to fuck someone with my cock, what it would be like to be engulfed in warmth and wetness, what it would be like to fill them with my cum. When I do get off, I’m fantasizing about what it would be like to be the person fucking me, what it would be like to tip over the edge as someone tightens around you.

I also spent way too much money on porn.

Seriously though, they should really warn you about that. In the past I rarely watched porn, and typically only in groups, but now I have a membership to Crashpad, PinkLabel (for Bonus Hole Boys), and CockyBoys. All of which were excellent decisions by the way. Part of that was the testosterone, obviously, but part of it was also a process of finding porn that I actually thought was hot.

When I was identifying as a girl I only thought to look for porn staring women1 but as I started exploring my gender, I started exploring more porn with folks who looked like me. I found trans porn, then I found gay porn staring trans men, then found a wider range of gay porn, and suddenly I was enjoying watching porn a whole lot more.

And with all that porn, comes a lot of jerking off. I am a boy going through puberty after all, what do you expect?

Obviously women can watch any kind of porn they want, but it just never occurred to me to look for anything else.

]]>http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-sexual-changes/feed/090535http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-sexual-changes/My Favorite Products For Trans Masculine Folkshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BexTalksSex/~3/DFiS9YYhG-4/
http://www.bextalkssex.com/fave-trans-products/#respondMon, 21 May 2018 02:30:00 +0000http://www.bextalkssex.com/?p=90445I’ve worked in and around the sex toy industry for over five years now, between reviewing, retail, consulting and more I’ve gotten my hands, and holes, on a ton of products. Naturally, the first thing I did when I started exploring my gender was to explore which products there were available for trans men. The …

]]>I’ve worked in and around the sex toy industry for over five years now, between reviewing, retail, consulting and more I’ve gotten my hands, and holes, on a ton of products. Naturally, the first thing I did when I started exploring my gender was to explore which products there were available for trans men. The answer is… not many, but I have found a handful of products that have become a crucial part of my gender exploration.

Want to get your hands (and bits) on some of these products? I’ve partnered with GC2B, SheVibe, and LA Pump to offer you the opportunity to bring some of my favorite products home! Stick around till the end and fill out the giveaway widget for a chance to win!

GC2B Half Binder

I’ve tried a few binding options, but this is the most secure and unobtrusive one I’ve ever found. The double layer of fabric keeps my D cup1 chest bound flat without giving me any trouble breathing. Whereas I find a full length binder to be uncomfortable, pushing against my curves and invariably rolling up during the day, the GC2B half binder feels more like a large sports bra, and although it does show under a tank top, the shoulder straps are the smallest out of all the binders I’ve tried.

The NYTC Archer is my dick. It’s the only one I pack with and I wear it all day every day, sometimes when my dysphoria is really bad I’ll even wear it to bed. Here’s the thing with packers, so many of them are HUGE. I’m a modest boy, I don’t need a solid 5″ of flaccid silicone hanging around in my pants all day, that shit can get uncomfortable. Since it’s made of silicone it’s shown almost no wear and tear from 365+ days in my pants, it can hang on to body smells, but there are solutions for that. Typically I wear it with a Get Your Joey pouch, a thigh strap, or a jock strap. It is possible to wear it alone in a tight pair of boxer briefs, but that’s not exactly secure, and if I’m moving around a lot it’s easy to wind up with my dick somewhere around my thigh, which is awkward.

[One lucky winner will receive a NYTC Archer from SheVibe and a $33 voucher from GC2B]

Spareparts Tomboii and Vixen Goodfella

While I’m happy to strap on any toy that suits my partner, the Goodfella is the dick I have started to refer to as “mine”. It’s the same mold as my beloved Mustang but has the benefit of balls, which is important to me. Not only does it have balls, but balls that sit outside of my harness which is unique to this sort of toy and helps me feel less dysphoric. Although this toy is on the smaller side, I prefer it because it will be accessible to a wide range of bodies and holes. If it’s smaller than someone prefers, that curve is solid enough to hit a g-spot or prostate in a way that might make up for it, if not, I can always just move up a size to the Uncut or my Outlaw.

Boxer style harnesses are notorious for their lack of control, but sometimes they’re exactly what I need to combat my dysphoria, and the Tomboii is the best one I’ve found.

When I first started testosterone I was very excited for my clit to grow from nearly non-existent to the thick clits I’d seen on the FTM performers I’d seen. I wanted to be able to jerk off with just my hands and have my cock sucked by my partners, so one of the first things I did was buy a pump and use it regularly. For me the act of pumping isn’t inherently erotic, I don’t find the pump itself or my swollen bits to be particularly hot, but after five minutes or so, the constant suction on my clit finally catches up to me and I almost always jerked off when I was done. I can’t say for sure that the pump contributed to the growth of my clit, but I can say that I’m very happy with how it looks now.

As my cock grew, a whole new world of sex toys opened up for me, in the past I had used almost exclusively broad vibrators that had no chance of missing my clit, but anything with precision was nearly a waste of time. Now my dick is large enough to grab on to while I’m jerking off, which is what makes these products to great. When I’m using the Tenga SVR as a finger vibe I can hold the vibe to one side of my dick and hold my fingers on the other side to incorporate some vibration into my jerking off.

As you might imagine, traditional strokers like the Fleshlight are far too large for your average trans guy who hasn’t had bottom surgery, but recently we’ve seen the release of a few strokers for trans men. The small stroker has a closed end at one end which allows it to suction around my dick and a ribbed texture on the interior to add extra sensation. In my experience this combination creates a really unique suction-based sensation that, when paired with a good BJ fantasy, feels amazing.

Fill out the form below for your chance to win!

]]>http://www.bextalkssex.com/fave-trans-products/feed/090445http://www.bextalkssex.com/fave-trans-products/Puberty Pupdate: Psychological Changeshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BexTalksSex/~3/ZQH8yoOykd0/
http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-psychological-changes/#respondFri, 18 May 2018 14:00:00 +0000http://www.bextalkssex.com/?p=90319Nearly one year ago, on May 30th, 2017, I took my first shot of Testosterone, it was the beginning of my medical transition, though not the beginning of my complicated relationship with my gender. To celebrate my one year on HRT I’m going to be sharing a different post each week of May detailing the …

]]>Nearly one year ago, on May 30th, 2017, I took my first shot of Testosterone, it was the beginning of my medical transition, though not the beginning of my complicated relationship with my gender. To celebrate my one year on HRT I’m going to be sharing a different post each week of May detailing the ways my identities, body, mental health, and sexuality have evolved over the past year, with the help of the testosterone and independent of it.

[CN: depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, body horror]

This is probably going to be the hardest post in this series to write, because it’s the first place where my changes are less than stellar. The way my brain works has changed in quite a few ways over the past year – some of those changes are absolutely the testosterone, other changes are decidedly not, and some others fall somewhere in between.

A few months back I was diagnosed Bipolar II and medicated. That was a much harder blow than I expected, I’d felt “crazy” before, in times where my mood would swing out of control, or when it just wasn’t cooperating in the way I like, but now I had a doctor sitting across from me telling me that my brain was, in fact, decidedly different than other peoples. Just under 3% of people living in the US are living with bipolar disorder and although I wasn’t alone, and I certainly wasn’t as broken as I felt, the first few weeks were tough.

I’m still unpacking what pieces of my personality are related to the disorder, what exactly my pills are going to change about me, and how to even manage this, but what I do know is it certainly makes it extra complicated to put my finger on how testosterone has impacted my mental health.

The first week of testosterone I was on a high, I felt like I was vibrating with energy and excitement and couldn’t come down even if I tried. It was hypomania turned up to 11, and then I crashed, and I crashed hard. My lows weren’t like the lows I experienced before, and my suicidal thoughts were intense in a way they had never been up until that point. I was sad, and scared, and all that was playing in my mind was all of the horrible things I could do to myself.

Like all of my depressive episodes, I came out of it, but that voice of doubt and self hatred lingered in the shadows until my next depressive episode, where it came back just as loud, just as all consuming, and just as violent. When I’m at my worst, nearly catatonic in bed marathoning Great British Bake Off and at peak self-loathing, my brain is treating me to a montage of body horror that would put Hellraiser to shame. I’ve had some of my lowest lows since starting testosterone, and there have been days where I’ve felt like I was genuinely fighting for my life against my own brain.

Obviously everyone’s experience is going to be different, and my own experience can’t be isolated from the countless other things going on in my life over the past year, but I know that at least some of this is related to the T. I don’t any of this to scare you, but rather to offer context if the same thing happens to you. It’s scary but sometimes the greatest comfort for me is knowing where it comes from and that it will pass.

That said, testosterone has done countless good things for me too. I feel confident in ways that I never had before, and I have the energy to do the things I want to do. I crave connection and I have the drive to maintain relationships that had once fallen to the wayside. When my body was estrogen dominant, I was a ball of anxiety at the thought of socializing, and although I’m still and introvert, and still occasionally anxious, the thought of spending time with people I care about is exciting rather than terrifying. Some of that, I’m sure, is related to feeling more comfortable in my body, but some of it is certainly the T as well, giving me the energy to do the things that scare me.

Testosterone is also know for exacerbating anger, and although I do have the occasional bout of rage, it didn’t feel new, it felt very similar to PMS symptoms, something I was no stranger to. In the moment, I’m able to recognize that my anger is valid, it’s just maybe slightly disproportionate to the incident. What I experience a lot more of though is a lowered tolerance for bullshit. I was very passive pre-testosterone and rarely spoke up for myself, now I feel stronger and more confident in asserting what I need.

I know it sounds like testosterone damaged my mental health, but I think it just changed how symptoms that were already there were manifesting. The depression happened before, as did the self loathing, it was just considerably less violent. The confidence and strength it gave me was incredibly valuable though. A few months on the testosterone and I felt like the kind of person I always wanted to be. Like my body was aching for the hormone before I even knew it was an option, like it was more than just the key to changing my body into the form I wanted, but the key to bringing my mind more in alignment with the person I want to be as well. Sure, that comes with a bit of a price, but without a doubt, for me, it is a price worth paying.

]]>http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-psychological-changes/feed/090319http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-psychological-changes/Puberty Pupdate – Physical Changeshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BexTalksSex/~3/F8zTjHZoTqw/
http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-physical-changes/#respondFri, 11 May 2018 14:00:00 +0000http://www.bextalkssex.com/?p=90318Nearly one year ago, on May 30th, 2017, I took my first shot of Testosterone, it was the beginning of my medical transition, though not the beginning of my complicated relationship with my gender. To celebrate my one year on HRT I’m going to be sharing a different post each week of May detailing the …

]]>Nearly one year ago, on May 30th, 2017, I took my first shot of Testosterone, it was the beginning of my medical transition, though not the beginning of my complicated relationship with my gender. To celebrate my one year on HRT I’m going to be sharing a different post each week of May detailing the ways my identities, body, mental health, and sexuality have evolved over the past year, with the help of the testosterone and independent of it.

Testosterone changes a lot of things, last week was an exploration of how my social transition, masculinity, and identities were sculpted over the past year. That… is a really hard thing to quantify, this week is a little more in line with the One Year On Testostrone updates you’re used to, we’re talking about what happened to my body when I started taking T. Get ready for the TMI folks, we’re talking new hair, new smells, and everything else that comes with being a teenage boy.

Dosage

I inject .3 cc of Testosterone weekly into the subcutaneous fat of my belly, this is a moderate dose from my understanding.1 While sometimes I am impatient with the rate at which my body is changing, I think it would be scary to watch it change any faster, and it definitely would have been early on, so I haven’t bothered to adjust my dose at all since I started. I do weekly injections because my brain already gives me enough mood fluctuations, and a two week cycle can be known for exacerbating that. I don’t say this to be prescriptive, and I considered not including it at all, because it’s important that your dosage is something you decide between you and your doctor, but I decided to include it to offer context for the rate at which my body changed.

How Consistent Do I Need To Be?

According to my doctor, the time that I do my shot doesn’t really matter, and I could even fluctuate a day or so early or late. According to my body, on the other hand, I am expected to do my shot first thing Tuesday morning or my body reacts like a toddler being told that they can’t have ice cream for breakfast. The one time I did a dose of .2cc instead of .3cc (because I ran out) I had the worst migraine of my life. I’m gonna go ahead and not do that again.

Top Left: Pre-TBottom Left: 6 Months on TRight: One Year on T

Fat Redistribution

One of the things testosterone does when injected into an estrogen-dominant body is to redistribute the fat into a more masculine silhouette. On me this change is most visible on my face, my face has become broader and my jaw more defined. At the six month mark I didn’t love the way the T changed my face, like many teenage boys, I felt like I was going through an ugly duckling phase. I’d stare at myself in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back, I wondered when my face got so round, and how it could look so different and at the same time entirely the same.

Now, I couldn’t tell you if that was because it was strange to see my face change, if my face really did go through an awkward middle transition, or if it was a little of both. What I can tell you is that I love the way I look now. I get gendered correctly something like 40% of the time and there are days when I’ll just stare in the mirror and marvel at my own face. I take more selfies, I smile more, and I’ve finally figured out my new angles.

As for the rest of my body? I don’t feel like I’ve had as much luck. I have hips and curves and that hasn’t changed. I had hopes that the testosterone would shift the fat from my hips up higher around my belly but instead all it seems to have done is given me more of a belly. What has helped me the most is recognizing that hips aren’t exclusive to AFAB2 folks, cis men can also gain weight around their hips and develop the same kinds of love handles that I do.

Body Hair

I am very Italian, and yet shockingly, I am not a very hairy person. Pre-T I let my body hair do whatever it wanted which was… not all that much. The hair around my bits stayed cropped close around my vulva, my leg hair was so faint that if you saw me from a distance you’d think I shaved daily. My armpits were proudly unshaven for years, and yet there was nothing more than a small bundle of curls in the middle. I often joked that all it would take was one shot of Testosterone to kick my Italian gene into gear, that I would wake up one morning as a lumberjack, with a beard down to my nipples and an axe in my hand. The reality is much less exciting. The reality is spending a year staring at your body and wondering “Was that hair here before?”

A few months in I noticed a dusting of peach fuzz across my upper lip and my chest. A few months after that I noticed my leg hair had grown, and my pubic hair was spreading. I had hair around my asshole for the first time in my life. I shaved it. I do not recommend shaving it.

Now, my pubic hair covers my entire pubic region with thick curls, it doesn’t extend to my legs yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it does soon. My leg hair has thickened and darkened, it now circles around to the back of my leg, though it is patchy and still doesn’t extend above my knee. I’ve noticed a small showing of hair at the bottom of my belly, the beginnings of a happy trail that I’m very excited about.

On my face I have a bit of a mustache. Okay, well, it’s a modest mustache. Okay, well, I have some hair on my lip that sometimes just looks like my upper lip is dirty and is probably less hair than you’d see on your average 7th grader BUT I’M PROUD OF IT, OKAY? I also have a bit of peach fuzz on my cheeks and maybe one day I’ll be able to rock a beard.

Acne

First time around with puberty I lucked out! No acne! Testosterone was… less kind.

Now, I’m a person with absolutely no skincare routine whatsoever. I use whatever body wash is on sale and hold my face under the shower water for a bit to clean it off, and, well, testosterone had other ideas. I broke out across my chest, chin, and back mostly, with large patches of red bumps and zits. My doctor recommended some antibiotics that they thought would help clear it up, but they made me sick3 so I never really took them after that.

I did go to Lush though, where I picked up Grease Lightning (with the assistance of a very patient and affirming salesperson who explained everything to me) and a combination of that and time seems to have cut my acne down by about 50%.

Voice

Oh hey, I have a podcast where you can track this change weekly! Basically, it got deeper. A lot deeper.

Occasionally it cracks, but mostly when I’m trying to make sounds that I didn’t realize are out of my range now. For example, I still forget that I can no longer “Woo!” at shows now, I try and literally no sound comes out, I have to settle for a more manly “Yeahhhhh!” On the phone, I only get gendered correctly about 20% of the time, and in an ideal world I’d like my voice to get a little deeper. I haven’t given up hope, my voice is the one thing that consistently and regularly changes.

Lots of people have asked about my singing voice… I couldn’t sing then, and I can’t sing now, so you’ve got the wrong guy for that question.

Bits

This is the change that happened the fastest and, next to my voice, is the most obvious. I went from having a nearly imperceptible clit to one so large that you can actually pull back the hood and see the shape of the head and shaft. It’s pretty amazing actually – the clitoris and the penis are made of the same tissue in very similar shapes, the only difference being that most of the clit’s anatomy is internal, except when you add Testosterone into the equation. As my clit has grown it’s looked more and more like a penis, pulling back the hood exposes a tiny head and shaft, around 1.5″-2″ depending on arousal. I’ll talk more about what that did to my sex life in an upcoming post exclusively on that.

I noticed an increase in appetite at the beginning of my transition but that has tapered off. I also have some real bad disordered eating habits so like, maybe don’t listen to me on this one.

I noticed my stomach is no longer as resilient as it was, when in the past I could eat pretty much whatever I wanted, now too much meat or sugar and my stomach will be mad at me for hours.

My body odor changed which was SURREAL, especially because I love masculine body odors (even the gross sweaty ones) and now my body makes those smells and it is supremely distracting. Plus, you kind of get used to your own body odor, you smell it all day every day for your entire life, so you only really notice it if it gets bad. I on the other hand, smell very different from how I did for the last 25 years and boy do I notice it. So now, until I get used to it, I’ll be walking around with 2 sticks of deodorant in my bag, and showering twice a day out of fear that I smell.

To read more about Bex’s transition, keep an eye out for weekly pupdates all May on his social transition, how his mental health changed, and how his sexuality changed!

It’s important that your dose not be too high, when your body has a surplus of testosterone it will begin to convert it to estrogen.

Assigned Female At Birth

They made me sick because I took them without food. Read your pill bottles people!

]]>http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-physical-changes/feed/090318http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-physical-changes/Puberty Pupdate: Masculinity + Social Transitionhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BexTalksSex/~3/m-HgKQfhfYY/
http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-masculinity-social-transition/#respondFri, 04 May 2018 14:00:00 +0000http://www.bextalkssex.com/?p=90325Nearly one year ago, on May 30th, 2017, I took my first shot of Testosterone, it was the beginning of my medical transition, though not the beginning of my complicated relationship with my gender. To celebrate my one year on HRT I’m going to be sharing a different post each week of May detailing the …

]]> Nearly one year ago, on May 30th, 2017, I took my first shot of Testosterone, it was the beginning of my medical transition, though not the beginning of my complicated relationship with my gender. To celebrate my one year on HRT I’m going to be sharing a different post each week of May detailing the ways my identities, body, mental health, and sexuality have evolved over the past year, with the help of the testosterone and independent of it.

When I went to my first appointment at the trans health clinic, everything moved so fast. I was hesitant still, unsure of what I really wanted, and mostly interested in getting information, but by the end of the appointment my doctor was telling me that I could have the hormones in my hand within the week.1 I’m not great about change, and changing something so core to me was terrifying but I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the way the world saw me and I knew something needed to change. I craved androgyny, I liked the idea of people wondering about my gender and not knowing quite how to categorize me, looking back, androgyny would have never worked well for me. I think I viewed androgyny as a way of keeping the body I’ve lived in for over two decades, or at least staying close to it, and still not being called a girl.

Now that I’ve been on T for a year, I’ve been identifying in a more binary identity as a man and I’m increasingly less comfortable with people questioning my gender, the way they do when I present more androgynous. I’m using he/him pronouns, and masculine coded nouns and adjectives, and in most straight spaces I don’t bother to explain the nuance of my gender. When my transness was new, I was willing to engage in a lot more education that I am willing to do now, it’s only a year in, and I’m tired, and saying I’m a boy is simpler, but gender is never simple. I expect to always play with and subvert gender, but I’ve learned through socially transitioning that I feel most comfortable by doing that through a masculine framework.

What evolved the most over the past year was less my understanding of my own gender and more my understanding of masculinity as a whole. In the past masculinity always felt familiar to me I was always a “tomboy” or considered butch but what I didn’t realize was that I had only inhabited masculinity as a woman, and was taught (not entirely wrongly) to see the ways in which masculinity is harmful to women, the ways that it’s a threat. As part of my social and medical transition I’ve been given a new perspective of masculinity, and I’ve been able to recognize more nuance. While toxic masculinity is real and dangerous,2 not all masculinity is toxic and there are as many ways to be a man as there are to be a woman. I’m learning to build my version of masculinity and to integrate into it the pieces of me that I thought I had to let go of to be a man.

I thought that if I wanted to be a boy I’d need to get rid of my flamboyance and enthusiasm in exchange for stoicism and composure. It took me months to recognize that there are plenty of men who will bounce around to their favorite music, love hugs, and talk with their hands. I’m a boy when I wear my leather and flannel as much as I’m a boy when I wear my booty shorts and a crop top. I don’t need to sacrifice the pieces of femininity that I connected with, I can be a boy who does many of the same things.

I always understood, theoretically, the importance of representation, but as a young white girl, seeing myself represented in media was never really a struggle for me. Now that I’m crafting an image of masculinity nearly from scratch, media has been key in showing me all of the ways masculinity can look. When I watched Queer Eye for the first time I cried… well I cried a bunch, but one of the many things that made me cry was seeing all of the different ways gay men can look and act and recognizing myself in that. When I watch Supernatural I relate to Dean’s deflective humor, but I see all of the ways his stoicism hurts him. When I see Jack Harkness I see a model of how to flirt directly without making people feel unsafe. When I see Brendon Urie’s flamboyance and dramatic showmanship I’m reminded that those aren’t traits attributed exclusively to womanhood.

That said, there’s also the reality that when I’m trying my hardest to pass,3 for my own safety and comfort, there are plenty of things I realistically cannot do. I have to enforce these standards of traditional masculinity more than most cis men need to, just to have my gender recognized and respected. Brightly colored lipsticks? Over dramatic lip syncing? Coy, sultry flirting? Nah, boys don’t wear that, boys don’t do that, boys are charming and aggressive. If I’m lucky I get gendered correctly about 45% of the time, a way better number than before, but still low enough that I’m left stifling parts of myself to gain even a point in my favor and aching for the day when I don’t have to.

Transitioning is puberty 2.0.

I heard it all the time, and I still do, but I truly wasn’t prepared for how true it was until I started HRT for myself. Yea, sure, there’s the obvious ways in which my body is and will continue to change in similar ways to how a body that naturally produces these levels of testosterone would have, but there’s more to it than that. Like many teenagers, I went through an ugly duckling phase – acne popped up in new places, I started growing hair in new places, and I had NO IDEA how to style my hair and clothes. Some of that has changed, I have a cool acne creme from Lush, I own a razor, but I still have no idea what to do with my clothes. I’m sure I’ll get there.

What was harder for me was the social aspects of puberty. Just as 14 year old me was learning how to be an adult, 26 year old me is learning how to be a man. I have to learn how to engage and maintain friendships with other men as a man and I have to lean what it means to flirt and date as a bi dude – an experience that is entirely different from dating as a queer woman. I feel awkward and unsure all the time and I’m learning to navigate the world in an entirely new way, and that’s hard, but just like my first puberty, this one will end, hopefully with a clearer understanding of the man I want to be.

To read more about Bex’s transition, keep an eye out for weekly pupdates all May on how his body changed, how his mental health changed, and how his sexuality changed!

This is absurdly fast, and I wouldn’t expect this in most places, but this is a clinic in NYC that does this all day every day.

]]>http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-masculinity-social-transition/feed/090325http://www.bextalkssex.com/puberty-pupdate-masculinity-social-transition/Inside the Dog Househttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BexTalksSex/~3/DvzwCpOqetI/
http://www.bextalkssex.com/inside-the-dog-house/#respondMon, 30 Apr 2018 18:09:50 +0000http://www.bextalkssex.com/?p=90471“I have a lot of weird sex shit in my room…” I was on the subway with a group of my vanilla friends when it occurred to me that my room might raise a few eyebrows to people who are not me. Luckily, I pick good friends and when one looked up and said “So, …

I was on the subway with a group of my vanilla friends when it occurred to me that my room might raise a few eyebrows to people who are not me. Luckily, I pick good friends and when one looked up and said “So, are we not going to talk about the dicks on the wall?” the rest of them simply shrugged and went back to watching anime. Like many Virgos, it’s important to me that my room be optimized for efficiency and aesthetic, and although it’s taken me a while to get there, I’m finally deeply in love with my space.

Until recently I had a queen sized bed in my room, but the mattress was over a decade old and it just wasn’t pretty enough for me to shoot porn on, so I decided to upgrade – which means a trip to Ikea. I wanted something that could function as a couch during the day and a bed at night, but I don’t trust the mattress of a futon to be even remotely comfortable, which is where the Flottebo comes in.

Now, lets talk about it for a second, in addition to being the perfect size, functioning as a couch, and having storage underneath – it also comes with 3 support pillows. These pillows are like Liberator pillows on steroids. They’re heavy, the bottoms are covered in a rubber that grips the bed, and they’re the perfect shape for being bent over. This thing was thoroughly tested by the crowd of sex nerds that joined my on my Ikea excursion, from exploring possible positions to testing how secure the supports are, and we deemed this The Best Sex Bed in the store.

Above the bed is some of my favorite art, including an incredibly hot foot job print by Vanessa Walsh, a gay Disney BJ print by Felix d’Eon, and a celestial rope print by that was a gift and I unfortunately don’t know the artist. I also have two other gay Disney prints that I don’t have frames for yet, eventually I’d love to cover this whole wall in art, but that will get expensive fast.

On the other wall is a coat rack of leather and impact instruments, with a shelf above for kink gear without handles. Some of my favorites include my leather chest harness and strap on, my Leather Jack from Agreeable Agony, and my lexan paddle that bruises beautifully.

My nightstand has everything I want to easily grab from bed, a TARDIS full of condoms, my bong, my lube, my PS4 controller, and some of my brain meds. There are two hooks on the side of the unit where I hang a travel container for my weed and one hitters, and my Tenga SVR. On the floor is a basket for recently used sex toys, waiting to be washed, and my Doc Martens that are waaaaay overdue for a replacement. The drawers themselves are, as expected, full of sex toys.

The remainder of my toys live in these bins above my desk (as well as my clothing). I also have a wine rack full of some of the toys too large to fit easily in my drawer displayed below a BJ painting that my ex gave me the first time I visited him, and a Vulvasaur painting from my best friend.

Under the TV is where recent review products and press samples are sent to me, stored inside the UVee, a UV-C light storage system designed to kill harmful bacteria and germs on your sex toys. Although it’s difficult to test the effectiveness of a product like this at home, studies conducted by it’s developers find that it is 99.9% effective at killing harmful germs and bacteria. What I find most useful about it is it’s built in USB chargers and combination lock. Although hiding toys is not a priority for me (I’m too bad at keeping secrets, I just hang my dicks on the wall) I do like the Uvee as an innovative storage solution. Unfortunately, even the largest size is a bit too small for my tastes – when will someone create a storage solution that can accommodate my largest toys? Or even accommodate multiples?

Other pieces of note: my podcasting mic (Blue Yeti), my jar of toxic sex toys (for science!), the most recent movie I’ve watched (Fight Club – studying it’s commentary on toxic masculinity), a cork board full of notes and gifts from people who matter to me, my PS4, the double dicks, a book of poetry my brother loaned me, a Sadness pop (to remind me of the importance of feeling my feelings) and a Tenth Doctor pop (to remind me of the importance of adventure), and a Nofrilldo (my go-to example of silicone for workshops).

Now that my room is finally designed how I want it to be, I am noticeably more relaxed as soon as I cross the threshold, keeping my room clean and organized is the easiest hack to keep my mental health manageable and that’s even easier now that I’ve finally learned how to use the space in a NYC apartment.

What does your dream space look like? What are your favorite pieces of your space?

Many thanks to UVee for sponsoring this post. As always, all of my thoughts and opinions are my own.