Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

It's been over a fortnight that I've been back on oestradiol. Time for taking of stock on the observable effects thus far.

I'm feeling better emotionally. Much more mellow and serene; more generally cheerful, I think. My head just feels so much more peaceful, like a big internal tumult has been turned off. How much of this is because my brain works better on oestrogen than on testosterone, and how much is just reduction in stress at actually finally getting things moving, I don't know. Nor do I believe I particularly care.

My skin is definitely feeling softer and nicer (to me). Possibly the most obvious bit of skin in which this can be observed is on my scrotum. I find the irony of this to be far too amusing. Somewhat unexpected bonus feature of this is that the patch of nasty scaly skin on my left elbow appears to be becoming less nasty and scaly, which is a yay.

My sex drive has gone down. It also feels much more like something that I'm in control of, rather than something that controls me. Spontaneous erections are pretty much non-existant, and stimulated erections are harder to achieve and maintain, and are also less intense. Hypersensitivity of the penis post-orgasm also seems to be decreased. All in all, it's a more relaxed happy sexuality, which I like.

Boobs. I'm a little shocked by the speed of things here. Which isn't to say that there has been a big change or anything, but there's definite noticeable growth there, over a period of just two weeks. I'm talking noticeable difference in weight distribution as I walk, visually observable size increase, and a noticeable jiggle if I accidentally bounce too much. Still nothing that deserves the name "boobs", but what would you expect after a fortnight? I guess that having the glandular tissue still present from last time around means that the fatty tissue can build up faster than otherwise. Or something like that. Oh, and also, more sensitive nipples = win.

Decreased muscle. I'm not sure about this one. I felt it quite distinctly on one occasion, but have been unable to reproduce it since, so I may just have been imagining it. I'm sure it will come in time, though. This is the only real negative I've observed thus far, since I'm wimpy enough as it is.

These sorts of things are entirely expected. Then, of course, there are the totally weird changes that come completely out of nowhere and make me go "huh?" For instance:

I'm feeling a lot more graceful and agile. If I'm randomly dancing about my flat, or whatever, I feel able to do so without tripping over my own feet. I just feel able to transfer the movements I think in my head to my body more effectively, or something like that. Not a clue where that one comes from.

I've also noticed that the wart on the knuckle of my left hand is getting distinctly smaller, not only in observable height and diameter, but it also feels a lot less deep than previously. Again, this is totally random and unexpected, I have no idea what could cause it, and it may just be coincidence. Any which way, though, I'm not going to be complaining.

And finally, and most randomly of all, I have observed an increased tendency towards wearing matching socks. Seriously. I hardly ever wear matching socks. I just pick two out of the drawer randomly and put them on; they only match if I happen to pick out two identical ones by chance. The past week or so, though, I've actually found myself spending the extra few seconds to deliberately pick out matching ones. What. The. Fuck? Anyone care to try to explain that one?

I'm fascinated by this whole process, and thank you for sharing it with us.

I will confess that references to erections and penises and etc are breaking my brain a little, because of my concept of you and my brain's firm conviction that you are female. It's a very odd feeling, and it's giving me tremendous insight into one tiny bit of what trans people must feel every day. I've always considered myself more enlightened by many, and it's so curious to realize that I'm stubbing my mental toes so badly; what an eye-opener! I thought you might get a kick out of that. :)

The past week or so, though, I've actually found myself spending the extra few seconds to deliberately pick out matching ones. What. The. Fuck? Anyone care to try to explain that one?Maybe the confidence being on oestrogen is giving you is affecting your self image and so something is clicking in to make you take more time to enhance your appearance? (obviously socks maketh the woman) Or, it might just be one of those weird things that is completely inexplicable. Also a big fat HURRAY! for feeling better emotionally, I always think it's amazing how different EVERYTHING looks when you feel on an even keel.

Thanks for sharing this. My other trans friends had mostly transitioned before I got to know them, or have discussed things in terms of "I'm planning to do this/looking for a surgeon" rather than this sort of specificity, so I've learned something, always a good start to the day.

I have no hypotheses on the socks. I wear mismatched socks once in a while, usually on purpose; the (male) partner I live with deals with the problem by buying only one kind of sock. (There are 36 black socks in his drawer. Any two of them match.) And warts are just weird; since they can sometimes be removed by hypnosis, I'm unsurprised by anything else they'll respond to.

You might appreciate auntysarah, cos she's decided to document her transition process in detail in a public journal. Obviously, she's not claiming to speak for all trans women, she's just telling her own personal story. But it's very educational.

And to rho, I second this comment, thanks very much for sharing this detail of your medical situation. Yay hormones, anyway.

Hehe, you're getting the female sock-matching instinct! I actually heard a similar story about a friend-of-a-friend who was discovered to be a hermaphrodite and decided to go the female route. She said she suddenly understood fashion, handbags, and the desire to go shopping.

Because ad hoc explanations are fun, I'm going to guess that you feel more graceful because you feel more comfortable in your body.

I think one of the reasons that I'm a klutz and not very graceful is that I have almost never felt comfortable in my body, and that encouraged me to avoid activities that would require it, but also such that I would learn it. I'd imagine that you probably have felt even less comfortable in your body, and that just doesn't encourage grace.