You send me things, I listen to them. This week features hardcore, black metal, and a giant ballsack.

Like a salmon swimming upstream to spawn, bands instinctively send their music to Toilet-themed metal blogs. Records lay strewn haphazardly across my house and inbox like the eggs deposited among the salmon’s rocky gravel beds. Though it will take all mating season, I’ll eventually consume all of these albums and fish cum.

This week I’ve got four releases from Blak Skul Records, a label based outta Kansas City. Though I received these records months ago, I’ve yet to give them a proper review. Why? I dunno, I was probably busy with work or preoccupied with going down on a salmon. Let’s rectify that situation today and take a listen to these jams.

Altered Beast – S/T

My favorite of the bunch by a mile. Sorry dorks, Altered Beast has nothing to do with the proto-furry Sega Genesis game. Instead, Altered Beast is a crew of Kansas City hardcore kids that like thrash. What you’ll get with their self-titled 7″ is violent hardcore with flourishes of heavy metal. The vocal delivery and stop-on-a-dime breakdowns recall Toilet favorites WARHOUND. I’m extremely interested to hear where Altered Beast goes from here. “S.O.S.” is my favorite jam from this one. You can (and should) pick up the 7″ here.

Hellthrasher – Windrot

I was so, so stoked to put this one on. The band bio mentioned that Hellthrasher includes former members of His Hero is Gone, one of the best crust bands to ever stink up a pair of patch pants. I hit play on Windrot and was instantly confused. My turntable was set at 33 RPM but surely that couldn’t be right. The sound was so… broken? I tried 45 RPM and the sound that tumbled out of my speakers was still broken, just way faster. With “Grave Walkers”, the opening track, it’s as if each band member is playing an entirely different genre of music. Depending on your level of adventurousness in extreme music you will be extremely disappointed and/or pleased to hear the rest of the record coalesce as a collection of extremely raw blackened crust. With Windrot, Hellthrasher have no patience for petit bourgeois affectations like grid mapping or click tracks. Instead, you’ll get a rough and tumble burlap sack of tunes that is undeniably punk as hell. The title track is the clear highlight here. Give it a listen above and pick up the 12″ here.

Winter Coffin – 7″

Memphis punk legend Jay Reatard recorded roughly ten trillion songs before overdosing at the age of 30. In addition to his recordings with The Reatards, Lost Sounds, Terror Visions, and his stage name, Jay tried his hand at black metal for one release with Winter Coffin. Eventually, Jay would leave the band and the rest of the members would move on as Evil Army but this 7″ stands as a memento from that brief period of time. Recorded way back in 1998, “Forest of Blitzkrieg” is a shockingly on the nose black metal tune from a guy best known for catchy punk rock. The guitars summon razor sharp riffs with totally overcharged distortion. To be honest, it’s more memorable than 99% of 2nd wave black metal. There’s only one track on this 7″ so I guess that one is my favorite. You can pick up the first pressing 7″ here.

Good Time Aussie Bogalars – A Slab of Liquid Cunt

I love opening mystery packages. Especially when, upon opening said package, I’m greeted face to face by a big ol floppy dong. What the fuck is a bogalar? According to the drummer for the band, “A Bogalar is a bogan Australian toddler. It’s the earliest formation of a true-blue ocker, someone who is destined to be an alcoholic.” Too right, ridgey didge seppo arvo bikie, mate. A Slab of Liquid Cunt, vulgar boganisms and xeroxed cocks aside, is good times but bad vibes noise punk. The guitars recall Eyehategod while lyrics, attitudes, and bass lines are 100% Southern Hemisphere Anal Cunt. My favorite track here is “Reg Grundy”, which is either about crusty underpants or the creator of Wheel of Fortune. Everything about this record is ugly and rotten so of course you should pick up the 12″ here. My copy is proudly displayed in my living room. It’s been useful for getting rid of unwelcome visitors.

All of these records are available from Blak Skul records. Check out their other releases here.