Tell All: My wife is begging for a dog

Dear Tell All: I love my wife, but our relationship is being tested by her current obsession: pleading for a dog.

She adores pets, and I don’t. She grew up with a dog, two cats, and an aquarium, while I came of age in an animal-free environment. Well, not completely animal free — our neighbors had a snarling mutt who ran across the street and bit me when I was six.

When we got married, we had no discussions about owning a dog. But now, with no chance of a pre-commitment negotiation, she insists she can’t be happy without a furry friend.

I’ve put up my best arguments. The mess. The expense. The end of our freedom. In other words, hard facts. In response, my wife offers nothing more than vague promises of “more affection in the household.”

Well, who’s to say? There may well turn out to be less affection in the household if we start having new arguments about peeing on the carpet, begging at the dinner table, and shedding all over my clothes.

My wife is so heartfelt in her desire for a dog that I’m tempted to give in just to appease her. But that’s the irrational side of me talking. The rational, cautious side worries about the potential strain in our marriage for the next 10-plus years.

What would you do?

Realistic

Dear Realistic: I’m basing my answer on the first line of your letter: “I love my wife.” If you love her, you’ll want her to be happy. To be happy, she appears to need a dog.

I understand your arguments, but are they really stronger than love? Are you saying that a few dog hairs on your pants are more important than your wife’s contentment?

You seem inordinately proud of your rational side, Realistic. I’d suggest cultivating your emotional side, which may well lead to a more joyous life.

And I have a great idea for bringing out that part of your personality: getting a dog.

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Comments (3)

Getting a pet

I really wanted a cat and my husband was quite opposed. After waiting over 10 years I got my cat. My husband fell in love within hours and has become a cat person since. He was worried about destruction from claws, so I found a declawed cat at the shelter. I think a trained adult dog is the best choice for them, or maybe fostering or pet sitting as a trial?

Ann35 days ago

Things wear off

Listen to your rational side! 99% chance your wife's "happiness", aka temporary rush of seratonin, will wear off as soon as that dog ceases to be a cute puppy. You will be stuck caring for this dog the rest of its life ALONE once the dog isn't "Insta-worthy" anymore. Now, that may be fulfilling and good for you but it will happen.

I'd suggest getting to the root of her lack of fulfillment. She's not feeling comfortable with herself and no dog/child will ever fix that. Plus. using "more intimacy" in the marriage is a huge cheap shot and borderline emotional abuse - I can't believe Tell All is ok with that.

You got lucky, you have a brain. It's moot if you don't use it.

Dan36 days ago

Dog

Get her a smaller non-shedding dog that's 3+ years old from the shelter. Puppies, although cute, can be slightly destructive and it seems like puppy training/patience is not something that comes easy to you. I think you'll find yourself enjoying the extra companionship and affection from the dog and your newly happy wife.

Nicole36 days ago

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