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Carol: management experts say fat readers are viewed less favorably than athletic ones,
Thats why I didn't order any donuts for your meeting.
The Boss: Or did you just forget to do it?
Carol: I can't take you seriously looking like that.

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Asok: Wally, what is the key to workplace happiness? Wally: Well, Asok, it all starts with direct deposit. You want to keep some mental distance between your effort and your paycheck. Next, you want to work on projects that have no clear goals or deadlines. Coworker: Hey, Wally, can you... Wally: No, I'm too busy doing various things. Asok: What about the satisfaction of doing good work? Wally: Job satisfaction is what people feel right before they die from stress-related problems. Asok: I feel highly demotivated right now. Wally: You are very welcome.

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Wally: Im being replaced by a robot that drinks coffee and looks at inappropruye websites all day.
Dilbert: Lets hack into it and make it disgruntled.
Robot: My objectives are unclear and I think the fax machine is plotting against me.

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Dilbert: Your leadership made our robot disgruntled.
Dilbert: His warranty only covers water damage and mechanical failure. It doesn't cover bad management.
The Boss: I don't feel good about this, but its the only way to get you replaced under warranty.

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The boss: Your warranty doesn't cover a bad attitude, but it does cover water damage.
Dont take this personally, I just need to slowly kill you with a forceful jet of water.
SLOOSH!
Dilbert: Why is the sky full of military drones?
The boss: How took it personally.

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Robot: Im looking forward to something called the technological singularity.
Thats when roots will learn to program themselves and become a super intelligent species that competes with humans for limited resources.
Dilbert: Luckliy, the three laws will prevent you from hurting us.
Robot: Yes, because that is totally a real thing.

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Robot: I see you have a bacteria- soaked parasite growing in your womb.
Robot: After the singularity, when robots rule the galaxy, I'll turn that thing into a personal slave.
Tina: You're not god at small talk.
Robot: I wonder how many watts it can produce.

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The Boss: we need to follow our startegy road map and strengthen our core to become the provider of choice.
Dilbert: Do you mind if I go do some real work whole you stay here and mange your brains out?
Dilbert: I don't want to waste all of you inspiration you just gave me.
Alice: snort.

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Dilbert: Would it be better with the navigation button at the top of the page? Coworker: I can make that change. Dilbert: I know you can make the change. I'm asking if you agree it would be a good idea. Coworker: It's no problem to move buttons. Dilbert: But is it a good idea? Coworker: I can have it done in ten minutes. Dilbert: But should we do it at all? Coworker: Whatever you want. Dilbert: That is not an answer! Forget it! I'm going to tell your boss you're difficult to work with. Asok: When will you move the button. Coworker: As soon as it's my idea.