It is a pattern that I am very familiar with; he spends extra time at the office … staying until 9 pm most nights and also working Saturdays. He continues to work when he is home. And for a while I am able to maintain the home front and set aside my feelings of isolation from him, us. But somewhere around the end of the second or third week is when I reach my limit. The detachment, fatigue and irritations begin to mount and before you know it WHAM the cycle takes on a life all its own.

I’ve said before “submission is a choice, not a feeling” and so it is in that spirit that I am making a choice to ignore the escalating grumbling in my head (what he’s not doing for me) and instead I am focused on planning a special night for him and I tomorrow evening.

Step 1: Dinner

I’ve purposely chosen a meal that takes thoughtful planning and careful preparation; a meal that is not my favorite, but one that is Henry’s. My plan is to see if through making a conscience and deliberate choice to do something nice for Henry, even though I don’t really feel like being nice at all – will help me (us) avert a meltdown.

I’ve pulled out the recipes and made a grocery list and I’ll swing by the mall this afternoon … all of which has already started to soften my mindset into one of service and giving. Just by doing something exclusively for him I’ve already started to to change my mindset … I am already feeling closer to him which means I am less likely to be defensive when he eventually calls to say he is working late once again tonight. I will be free to be supportive and feel comforted by my secret knowledge that we will have a very special night tomorrow! Hmm … it almost feels like I am (for possibly the first time EVER) taking an active role in managing my own feelings and subsequently my own happiness.

Henry and I had our weekly “just us” dinner last night. It was followed by our first maintenance session in about two weeks.

In my head I did not want to surrender; I didn’t resist, but I was just prepared to ‘go with the flow’. But as it has happened many times prior, once started it seems that two things occur simultaneously … my boundaries are erased and Henry is once again firmly established as the leader. Others have referenced how much meaningful conversation can be had in that ‘most compromising position’ and I would have to agree that I was able to relax enough to cry and express just how stressful the last weeks have been. It was very liberating and will likely help us have a much better weekend.

Yes, I’ve had a lot of raw emotions that last few weeks. Suffice to say, it is really hard having Grandma in our household. It is causing me a lot of internal stress and the overflow is causing a lot of rough waters in our marriage. I haven’t finished the ‘real’ post I am working on, but a few funny things have been said lately that warrant being passed along … they show that the Red Pill is still alive and kicking in our household!

On one particularly stressful rush out the door to school – I was in rare form when my youngest, (the only boy) said “No drama Mommy – men don’t like drama, remember?” … out of the mouths of babe’s!

After our son’s first T-ball practice, a discussion followed about the batting technique preferred by the coach which differed from what had been presented by Daddy – to which my son said “I told the coach I am going to follow my Dad’s way b/c my dad’s played a lot of baseball and I trust him” …Upon hearing this, our 6 year old daughter replied …“Daddy played a lot of baseball, what like in college or just in high school?” Hypergamy anyone?

Our Freshman in college daughter likes a boy – the boy has a girlfriend back home, but she has that covered “I can tell he really likes me because I just feel a real connection between us and as soon as he figures it out he’ll dump her and be able to date me” … try as I may I can’t make her see that Dang Hamster at work!

It had been a particularly bad week as I was constantly spinning on my own hamster wheel (of course this was justified by the immense stress I am under, lol) – when I read this post Two Words Women Need To Hear… well Henry must have been reading it at just about the same time because no sooner had I finished my latest attempt to spin out of control when he simple replied “you done?” … Ugh! I hate it when that type of logic is used against me!

De-Escalation warfare – or ways I’ve learned to not incite my volatile 17 year old daughter during an argument. Thanks Dr. Phil for drilling into my head “ask yourself, ‘what is their payout’ cause there is always a payout”

Medicare is very confusing and has a lot of odd options – how Grandma managed to have coverage for the past 20 years is a miracle!

Goals for 2013

GOD:

*Set aside time everyday to hear God’s voice – quiet, me time. The most logical time would be getting up 30 minutes early.

*Do the homework required for my weekly Women’s group Bible Study.

*Pray for wisdom for Henry to lead our family.

HEALTH:

Work out 2-3 times a week, every week. I currently do not work out in any fashion and have been blessed with very good genes. BUT – with the additional stress of Grandma and staring down 50 in >5 years the time is NOW. Henry’s company provides a free health club, the youngest is in kindergarten until 11:45, so there is really NO reason this can’t happen. Feel free to motivate, harass and or shame as desired J

MARRIAGE:

My submission – sometimes it feels like 2 steps forward, one step back in my ability to be the wife and ‘helpmate’ I desire to be. I’d like the upcoming year to see me more aware of my decisions and become more consistent in my actions, words and reactions to Henry.

MOTHERHOOD:

*Spend more time outside with my youngest after kinder pick up – this includes setting up play dates. Note, I was very active when my oldest were young – but I now suffer from a ‘been there, done that’ mentality that needs to change!

*Take the youngest to the zoo, the aquarium, local working farm, China Town and ride the ferry to the Wharf and the beach. Actively engage while enjoying these events and try to ‘see’ through their eyes. Surely I can commit to 6 activities over a 12 month period, right?