Thursday, January 27, 2011

there are balls and then there are AIR SOFT balls

So I am driving home today and I get behind this car that has a bumper sticker that is take off on the "got milk" theme and it says "got balls". And I wonder if they mean, DO I personally have balls or do I have access to some? Do they mean that literally or figuratively? And REALLY, REALLY ,what are you thinking when you adhere this to your bumper. Well figuratively I DO and I can get hold of some real ones if I need to or/and I have ones I can hold, same thing.
WHICH has nothing to do with this blog ,which is about one of my favorite Spawn/Mommy stories and someone PLEASE remind me I got to get hamster food tomorrow!!! Although, I do have a great neighbor I could borrow some from in a pinch-how awesome is that!
So it is a Sunday afternoon and I am on the internet-whatevering :)! AND thank god it was a little chilly cause I had on grown-up clothes and thank god it wasn't 4:00 pm cause I did not have a beer beside me. And Spawn has gone up the road with one friend to collect another friend to come back and have a " air soft gun" war?? I do remember SPECIFICALLY saying, " Don't shoot those guns between here and there!" That was like an a really good distracted mommy call and what Smokey Mountain girl doesn't dream of being able to tell her son that one day!
So a bit of time goes by and then Spawn comes crashing into the house and say, "MOM, there is someone outside to see you!!!!"
Before I can say "What? WHAT? WTF, get rid of them! " He is gone!
So I am pissed-everybody knows-company don't come without calling(so possibly it is bible people or gutter salesmen-pissed either way!)...it's just a thing!
I walk out my front door ready to.....there are THREE, count them THREE police cars in my driveway! Tuck the anger away for LATER and smile! Excuse me officer, what seems to be the problem :)
"Ma'am, are you the parent for one of these boys?" and four pairs of boy eyes turn away from me.
"Why yes,officer, I AM. What seems to be the problem?"
"Well, we had a report from your neighbor at the top of the hill that there was a group of boys roaming the neighborhood shooting BB guns and they shot this gentleman's daughter in the stomach."
AT THAT MOMENT I turned the steely death ray laser green eyes from hell on my child and oddly he did not look up-LOL! None of them did-four little heads hung in shame...
"Officer, we don't have BB guns, we have air soft guns and as you can see they are all right here and accounted for>"
"Well, since this was an air soft incident (LOL) we do not need to be involved. We will need to explain to your neighbor that this is not a police matter."
"Absolutely and the boys will go up and apologize for shooting the girl in the stomach."
Two cars left and we were left with just one officer..the EXPLAINER. So I said the boys and I would met him up at the top of the hill at the house. He walked halfway across the yard, turned back, looked at me and said, " Maybe it would be a good idea if i ride them up there in the backseat of the patrol car?"
And for the first time since I walked outside, four pairs of eyes,looked pleadingly at me and I said....
"That is an excellent idea!"
So he stuffed them in the back seat, I met them at the house at the top of the hill, the officer explained the daughter was hit in the stomach with an air soft gun at a bit of a distance, the father sternly told them boys to be more respectful. The boys apologized-it was watery and piss-poor in a way that I think is unique to men-but,that's just me. AND as we turned to leave...the mother spoke and she said, " You BOYS need to be careful! Not be shooting a girl up all in this area (demonstrating with circling hand motions) CAUSE they stuff going on. Show them where you got hit, Molly."
There is a collective "No" Molly included , the police officer and I have to turn away because we are having a hard time maintaining our adultness.
I say, " Sorry for your ...your..injury, Molly" and gather the boys to march them back down the hill,

I am walking in front of them and i hear one little boy voice say, "I am pretty they are attached, I don't think you can shoot them off" and another little boy voice said, "Well, it ain't she got she actually has STUFF going on!" I turned around and said, "YOUR air soft guns are now my air soft guns and go watch tv and try not to mess with anything somebody got going on up there!"
And I had a beer before 4 pm on a Sunday before I called three mothers to tell them their sons had taken a their first ride in a police car under my watch!
We will talk about my balls later!