The Considerate Roommate’s Guide to Having All the Sex

Having roommates is great because you get to share things like rent. Having sex is great because you (hopefully) get to share things like orgasms. But having roommates and having sex simultaneously is NOT always great because sometimes the parties involved simply don’t know the rules. So to help save your living situation and sex life all in one fell swoop, we present the etiquette for turning your room into Pound Town if you have a roommate. Because that shit’s uncomfortable for them. And your date. But not for you! Why? Easy. Because you’re IN THE FUCKING ZONE.

Talk about the fact that this is going to happen

Whether you’re dating someone or bringing home a rando, it’s just a good idea to clear the air. We’re all adults here. Sex is part of the program. So just have a quick chat saying, “I’m going to be getting it in on the reg, but I will be respectful that this is your home, too.”

Keep the volume down

Yes, sometimes it’s super hot to be loud and let your partner know that this is LITERALLY the best you’ve ever had. But when your roommate is… right there, then this is not that time. Save the theatrics for those rare occasions when you have the place to yourself.

related

Relish your alone time

If you get a weekend (a night [afternoon {hour?}]) alone with your boo, make the fucking most of it. Seriously, what are you waiting for? Now is your time. Whip it out and get it in as many times as you can. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?

And, ask for alone time

This is okay to do, but to a point. It works even better if your roommate also has someone they’re banging frequently because you can alternate nights. But if your roommate is Single Stan/Sally, try to play this card sparingly. Nothing breeds resentment like one roommate getting laid all the time and the other one not so much.

Stick to your space

When you have roommates, the only spot you can completely lay claim to is your room. So please keep the sex in there. Places like the shower, kitchen, couch, and roommate’s bed are pretty much off limits. Unless, of course, no one else is home, and you’re ABSOLUTELY sure no one will ever find out. Like, ever.

If you share your bedroom...

Then obviously don’t do it while your roommate is there. Even if they’re sleeping. Because they aren’t sleeping. And they will know.

Open a window

Be courteous during cleanup

Yes, everyone knows you just had sex, but there’s no need to be blatant about it. Wrap the used condom in tissues and tuck it in the garbage. I guarantee no one wants to see that.

Be mindful that this is a shared space

So do it at your partner’s from time to time. Don’t make YOUR apartment the sex den. Your roommate will be much more willing to give you the privacy you infrequently request if you also put in the effort to be absent.

Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email, and get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.

Meagan Drillinger is a contributing writer for Thrillist and specifically lives alone so that the kitchen is fair game. Personal choice. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook at @drillinjourneys.