Should Men Give Up on Pornography Entirely?

It’s gotten a lot of internet air play because it’s a juicy subject: man lays out, in a logical (and researched) manner, the six reasons why men must give up pornography.

I can already hear the collective “amen” from a lot of women, and I don’t entirely blame them. Pornography is a problem for men.

Many people drink socially without becoming alcoholics; for most, booze is a source of pleasure, not pain. So it goes with porn.

It can hurt men’s sexual desire and performance. It can create an unrealistic set of expectations about real-life sex with a real live woman with real-life emotions. It can become a serious addiction that cripples a man’s ability to be in a committed sexual relationship.

And if you’re a woman who has lost a partner to porn addiction, this isn’t just some abstract concept, but reality. You’ve seen upfront the devastation of the guy who spends lavishly on sex phone numbers, runs up credit card bills unbeknownst to you, stays late at work to feed his addiction to webcams, or to browse Craigslist for something exciting and new. You’ve had a loving partner who didn’t feel up to having sex but would go downstairs in the middle of the night to take care of himself and feed his fantasies.

That’s bad news and I’m highly sympathetic to anyone who has been through some version of that.

But that’s no reason for all men to put down their porn simultaneously. In that regard, it’s a vice like any other vice – fun in moderation, dangerous when addicted. Many people drink socially without becoming alcoholics; for most, booze is a source of pleasure, not pain. So it goes with porn. If a guy does it when he’s single and hasn’t had sex in awhile, it’s normal. If a guy does it when his girlfriend is out of town, it’s normal. If a guy does it within the context of a committed relationship because it’s exciting and kinky and gives him new ideas, it’s normal. If a guy does it during marriage because everyone has the right to maintain a little bit of a fantasy life without actually being unfaithful (that is viewing videos, not interacting with another person), it’s normal. Where it flips over, of course, is when it becomes an addiction that actually impacts his life or his partner’s life. Just like alcohol.

You may not like porn, but you can’t ban it. You just have to trust that your guy can handle it in moderation.

To me, the answer is not prohibition, but moderation and self-awareness. Who should put porn down entirely? Men who are prone to addiction to it. Who can consume it socially? In my opinion? Pretty much everybody else.

Remember, you may not like porn, but you can’t ban it. You just have to trust that your guy can handle it in moderation.

Have you had a relationship derailed by porn use? Do you assume that because of the addicted guy that no man can use it in healthy moderation? Please, share your thoughts below, for a respectful debate.

Comments:

As long as your porn consumption is relatively ethical (consenting adults, no beastiality or paedophilia), doesn’t involve anything that would require you to see a shrink or a doctor and it doesn’t cause you to neglect your relationship in any way – it’s nobody’s business but yours. As for what to do when your partner wants you to stop? It’s up to you to decide whether to give it up, work through your issues, or move on and find someone who’s more understanding .

Trying to force anyone to universally accept porn use is like trying to force any human being to universally accept any habit, hobby or behavior. Which is ludicrous. Some people don’t want to be in relationships with people who smoke pot. Other people want someone who is physically fit and will go hiking on the weekends. Some people will be able to accept porn in their relationship, others won’t. Women shouldn’t be backed into a corner to accept something they aren’t comfortable with. They need to be honest about what they want and so do men. The problem is that men are rarely honest about their porn habits and will pull the old bait and switch too often. And women all to often are shamed into accepting things they aren’t comfortable with because it benefits men best to have untold amounts of porn AND his parntner all there to satisfy his never ending appetite of sexual consumption. It’s amazing that out grandfathers survived with untold amounts of porn.

And considering the highly ethical questions surrounding most heterosexual porn, I think it’s simply wrong to try to convince anyone to just accept it because today’s men have socialized themselves to be dependent on porn. Masturbation is fine. Porn is another thing entirely. Out of the top grossing porn films, 88.2% of the show acts of verbal and/or physical aggression. 94% of those acts are directed toward women. Porn is often about humilating women and treating them as second class citizens. Teen poem has greatly increased and it’s sad to think about men sitting around masturbating teenagers while their 30+ year old wives are there supporting them every day. But that’s the world we live in today. One were porn is extremely important to men to such a point that I am not sure men would be able to recognize their sexual identity without it. Sadly enough. And we’re women we’re convinced to accept their inferiority in sexuality, in the media and even in their own homes where the men who promised to be loyal to them, trade that all in for watching a school girl getting sexually abused by some 30 year old guy just so they can live vicariously through that guy.

Ehm.. I’m a woman and I occasionally watch porn. I have occasionally watched poem since I was a teen, read erotica, etc. I’m a sexual person and I think it’s extremely sexist in itself to say it’s the men who have a problem with porn. The female friends I have who are comfortable with their sexuality occasionally watch porn.. When needed 😉 Sex does not have to be a certain way for anyone. I agree to some extent that porn aggravates an already existing problem of male dominance, hyper (without proper outlet) aggression, seeing women as objects etc. but not all of it comes down to porn for all men. Some men and some people will take things too far and use it as a cover to block any sense of reality or exploration of their sexuality beyond what is physically in their crotch area. I’m surprised so many women are condemning porn right now. It’s just like any other violent or graphic movie. Or reality as it is today, there are wars going on out there but we don’t condemn the military.. Killing fellow human beings I’d think is more of a priority to rabble rabble about than a woman getting *fucked* improperly. But no one wants to talk about that, although it is apart of the bigger picture that we are in general desensitized to the world and to other people. In relationships I’ve noticed what occurs outside of the bedroom is reflected in the bedroom. If we are desensitized, getting rid of porn or keeping it won’t make sex more intimate, loving emotional or enjoyable for men or women. Sex is sex – how we choose to express that is ultimately up to us, whether it turns into a coping mechanism or a sexy stimulus used occasionally and with consideration,

Porn ain’t going anywhere so exercise your free will if you find it offensive and don’t access it. If it’s become a problem, seek help

What if I told you I find America’s Home Videos more offensive than some porn? Gasp! What? Are you crazy? That wholesome slice of American tv where millions tune in weekly to watch a guy fall from a tree limb and land on his nuts on the next limb? Or someone else falls on their head. Ha, ha! So funny. But two people fucking? Oh no! Can’t have that!. Violence of most kinds is acceptable in our culture. Boxing, MMA fighting, football, violent video games, and movies are consumed daily by young and old alike.

I’m not saying porn is not problematic, but I do tire of people ranting about it and ignoring the violence so prevalent and acceptable in our sports and entertainment.

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