This whole sex thing is totally overrated. Now, the one thing you gotta be ready for is how the man changes into a completely different person five seconds after it's over. I mean, something happens to their personality. It's really quite astounding. It's like they committed a crime and they want to flee the scene before the police get there.... The smart ones start working on their getaway stories during dinner. How, you know, they gotta get up early tomorrow. It's always about being up early. They all turn into farmers suddenly.

--ELAINE BENES, Seinfeld

#5

This is all in her mind, okay? She is insane. She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob, rubbed her stapler in my armpit, and put her keyboard on my butt. Yeah ... She's a whacko.

--ELAINE BENES, Seinfeld

#4

You're through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. Next!

--ELAINE BENES, Seinfeld

#3

The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for gettin' around. It's like a Jeep.

--ELAINE BENES, Seinfeld

#2

You'd better pick up your dog tonight or he has humped his last leg!

--ELAINE BENES, Seinfeld

#1

Let me tell you, I didn't intentionally bare myself, but now, I wish I had. For it's not me who has been exposed, but you. For I have seen the nipple on your soul.