You Might Be on Drugs If This Has Ever Happened to You

A 38-year old Cole Avenue man reported that his home as invaded on Sept. 9. The man said that he was sitting home alone masturbating and watching a pornographic movie when a man came down into the basement, holding a gun, and started videotaping him. The man said that before he left, the intruder fed his dog some mushrooms and the dog died.

I don’t even know what to think about this except I feel bad for the dog. Actually I doubt the dog died. He probably doesn’t even have a dog. The videotape will tell us. Who has the video?