Young lady suit #1, about old lady suit screaming insanely on phone: You hear her? Yeah, she's… She's on the wrong track, I think. She might actually be getting on the crazy train soon.Young lady suit #2: Yeah, the crazy train.Young lady suit #1: She's going to take the crazy train all the way to crazy town. I bet it's a magic town.Young lady suit #2: Sure, it's magic.Young lady suit #1: A magic town. You'd need a special train to get there. It must be the Hogwarts express.Young lady suit #2: I think I'll take your calls today.Young lady suit #1: I'll see you on the platform.

Black man to Australian girls in wizard hats: I know magic.Australian girls: You do not. Tell us a spell then, and not abracadabra. That doesn't count.Black man: I'll give you a spell. Alakazaam.Australian girls: Sorry, that's not real. You're too muggle for us, go away.

Hungover girl #1: I remember you saying you were going to vomit.Hungover girl #2: Yeah, I said “I'm gonna vomit.” and you said “me too. I just made out with Tony.” And I said “no, I'm actually going to vomit.”Hungover guy: And then we threw up at the same time. It was like magic.

Hipstress to another: At least now if you find a baby on your doorstep, you'll have a dresser drawer to put it in.

–Pete's Candy Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mat Freimuth

Gamer on headset, freaking out: Oh my god, why would you move the couch!? Why the hell did you move it, idiot!? When you move a couch, bad things happen! Move the couch… You stupid… Oh my god. Wanna know why we all died after moving the couch? Because we moved the damn couch!

–Glendale

Middle-aged woman backing away from pink, cushioned chair for sale: Only $199? I wonder what it would be like to fuck on that chair!

Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?

–Broadway & 103rd St

Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: RAR!

Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.

–Uptown D Train

Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!

–Pub, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Pub crawler

Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.

Large black woman: Don't you want to sit down? You don't have a good balance.Old Jewish man with walker: Not true! Last night, at around two am, a fairy came to me and said I had good balance!Large black woman, shrugging: Alriiight!