Owen Wilson may have another reason to slit his wrists. Owen's ex, Kate Hudson, is currently snuggling up to second-rate comic Dax Shepard, who made his name doing Punk'd with Ashton Kutcher. So what's the attraction? Well, Dax is known for being "hung like a grandfather clock". Whenever Dax and Ashton used to go out drinking together Kutcher would make Dax pull his dick out and wave it around because he was so amused at seeing a wang "as thick as a coke can".

-----------------------------------------------------Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullum: the new Krankies.(Just check out the GQ Awards photos).-----------------------------------------------------

>> 24 Hour Party Pooper << Steve Coogan turns back on Tony Wilson

Steve Coogan played Tony Wilson in the film 24 Hour Party People. Not unsurprisingly, he turned up in the papers after Wilson's death saying how much it had affected him. Shame Wilson's life hadn't affected him as much.

Earlier in the summer a group of Wilson's friends started a fund to raise money to buy the experimental cancer drug which was his last hope. Many of the bands he'd worked with, like Happy Mondays, happily contributed. They asked Steve Coogan to donate. He refused. (Which is surprising as people say he didn't seem to mind buying drugs for Owen Wilson...)

Which award-winning US TV actor did a fashion shoot in an LA hotel and, when greeted and thanked by the famous designer, took one look around the suite and sneered "my cock's larger than this hotel room"? So not much different to his on-screen image, then.

Which imaginative 80s pop star found his niche making porn movies and has a book out called Confessions of an Accidental Porn Director?

*****************************************************Spot Lucy Pinder in the hot new music video for Rush:http://tinyurl.com/35cow2*****************************************************

>> Larger than life << Remembering a legend in happier times

RIP Pavarotti. We recall a story we wrote about him in 2003. While rehearsing for his farewell performance at Covent Garden, Pavarotti sloped off to his dressing room with two female dancers. And was discovered a little later, by the runner sent to retrieve him, enjoying oral sex from one, while the other held his stomach out of the way.

1. Cocaine cat A cat in Sydney had trouble walking, paced incessantly and had dilated pupils. When the vet saw the cat was "too anxious to have a thermometer inserted into his rectum" he suspected cocaine abuse. The cat had snarfed his owner's stash.

2. Horny camel A 60 year-old animal lover in Queensland was given a pet camel as a birthday present by friends. Sadly, a few months later, the big and boisterous camel killed his owner trying to shag her.

3. Bees US scientists are training bees to sniff out explosives. They are, apparently, to be carried in shoe-box size hand-held detectors around airports.

4. Goats In Nepal airline staff sacrificed two goats in front of a Boeing 757, which has had technical problems, in case a Hindu God had accidentally been angered.

5. Weasel President Putin. Last week Russian investigators announced they were arresting some regime opponents for the murder of Anna Politovskaya. The case collapsed when two of the men were released through lack of evidence and a third had a good alibi - he was in prison at the time.

The Big Brother twins have signed up with Charlotte Church's former manager, Jonathan Shalit. They might regret after the press release his company put out to announce it, which we've copied word for word below. If only they could read.

-----------------------------------------------------Gruesome Twosome: how much does PJ Harvey's newtrack, The Devil, sound like Amy Winehouse'sBack to Black?-----------------------------------------------------

>> Gak attack! << Lisa feels it in all the right places

We haven't heard much from Lisa Stansfield for a while. She was in Soho's Colony Rooms recently. On returning from a visit to the bathroom she announced to the people at the bar, "That coke is making my fanny itch".

-----------------------------------------------------Bestiality is legal in Belgium, Cambodia, Denmark,Finland, Germany, Mexico, The Netherlands, Norway,Sweden and several US states.-----------------------------------------------------

> So Kwari, so goodie << Cash for killing goes legit

Online skills-based gambling is about to blow up. Kwari is a first-person shoot-em-up where you win cash for killing your opponents. You buy ammo from Kwari (a fiver for 5000 rounds) who act as a virtual arms dealer. After that you make money every time you hit someone, and you lose part of your stake when an opponent hits you. And the best bit is that the pounding rock soundtrack gets louder and louder the closer you get to your opponents.

-----------------------------------------------------Second Life is being terrorised by groups calledgriefers, who invade buildings with flying penises.-----------------------------------------------------

>> Things that make you go hmmm << Daft Punk, Conservapedia, P Diddy

When Britney ruled the world her songwriters were Swedish. Now she's just "well, it's not as bad as I was expecting." So instead listen to some nice Swedes who've written about her:http://www.myspace.com/imfrombarcelona

Old Jokes Home: =An angry wife met her husband at the door.There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick onhis collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that thereis a very good reason for you to come waltzing inhere at six o'clock in the morning?"