noun [from geography and Shakespeare, 2005] 1. A small forest of words in the great metropolis of Brooklyn 2. A collection of ruminations, photographs, and lists on topics including (but not limited to) books, writing, movies, television, theatre, current events, publishing, food, and nonsense 3. The blog of Cheryl Klein, reader, writer, children's books editor, and busy lady about town

Saturday, April 26, 2008

[Female voice]Oh, my, god, Becky, look at her book. It is so big. *scoff* She looks like, one of those, librarians' girlfriends. But, you know, who understands those librarians? *scoff* They only talk to her, because, she looks like a total bibliovore, 'kay? I mean, her book, is just so big. *scoff* I can't believe it's just so thick. It's like, out there. I mean -- gross. Look! She's just so ... smart!

[Sir Reads-a-Lot] I like big books and I can not lieYou other brothers can't denyThat when a girl walks in with a big fat bookAnd glasses on her faceYou're all thrilled, wanna talk to her quick'Cause you notice she's reading DickensDeep in the tote she's carryingI'm hooked and I can't stop staringOh baby, I wanna get with youAnd read you all nightMy homeboys tried to adjust meBut that text you got makes me Book Lust-yOoh, Tolkein -- elves!You say you wanna get in my shelves?Well, use me, use me'Cause you ain't that average bookieI've seen them readin'To hell with their speedin'She's Zinn, Prynne,Got it goin' like Jane AustenI'm tired of magazinesSayin' e-readers are the thingTake the average intellectual and ask him thatShe gotta cook much bookSo, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)Has your girlfriend got big books? (Hell yeah!)Tell 'em to read it! (Read it!) Read it! (Read it!)Read that healthy tome!Baby got book!

(LA face with New York volume)Baby got book!

I like pages galoreAnd when I'm in an indie bookstoreI just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animalNow here's my scandalI wanna take 'em all homeAnd uhh, double-up, uhh, uhhI ain't talking 'bout Dan Brown'Cause his books are made for clownsI want 'em real thick and juicySo find that juicy novelReads-A-Lot will grovelBeggin' for a piece of that coverSo I'm lookin' at bestsellersPatterson and them fellers --Give me Joseph HellerAnd I'll keep my women fine spellersA word to the bookmarked sisters, I wanna get with yaGood grammar's my bit, yeahAnd I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *read*Till the break of dawnTolstoy got it goin' onA lot of simps won't like this song'Cause them punks like to slim it and skim itAnd I'd rather drink and think'Cause I'm glossy, and I'm saucyAnd I'm down to be your Mr. DarcySo, ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies! (Yeah!)You wanna roll in my barouche? (Hell yeah!)Then open up! Ain't no doubt!Even Steve Jobs got to shoutBaby got book!

Baby got book!Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with my selection. Two hundred pages? Ha ha, only if that's one chapter.

So your girlfriend reads like Ripa, with audiobooks on her speakersBut audio ain't the same thing, it's just cheatin'My tall bookshelves they don't want noneUnless you've got spine, honYou can do side bends or sit-upsBut please don't lose that brainSome brothers full of folderolGonna tell you that your books ain't goldSo they don't beck you, reject youAnd I pull up quick to recheck youSo Cosmo says it's bad to be smartThat ain't my library cart!'Cause your mind is open and your curves are kickin'And I'm thinkin' 'bout stickin'To Paris and Lindsay in the magazines:You ain't it, Miss Thing!Give me a reader, I'll feed her,Pullman and Franzen need herSome knucklehead tried to dis'Cause Harry Potter's on your listGuy might read but he's still a foolEight hundred pages so coolSo ladies, if lit's your loveAnd you wanna make like NabokovDial 1-800-READSALOTAnd we'll read those banned novels.Baby got book!

I was thinking last night (yes, I do that) and it occurred to me this would make a terrific promo/Public Service Announcement. The rap could be built up from clips of different writers, (respectable) celebrities, world leaders, sports heroes, or even just people on the street, each saying just one line or part of a line. For a PSA you'd only want a 30 to 60 second segment, but the long form would be great for conferences and YouTube.

The influence of such a spot could be huge, especially if it were done with faces that teens and kids recognize and look up to. Imagine one line coming from J.K., followed by Eli and Payton Manning, then Stephen King, then Maya Angelou, then Drake and Josh, Tiger Woods, Stephen Hawking, etc.— even Sir Mix-a-lot himself. Also interspersed could be "ordinary" people in identifiable settings (lawyers and judges in a courtroom, engineers in a plant, scientists in a lab, doctors in an ER, etc.), everything combining to send the message that successful people in multiple fields *read* and read big books (and have fun doing so).

I saw two groups of teens performing "Baby Got Back" to a Playstation karaoke game (backed by the video) this weekend. With the audience cheering along. So I think the song has more name recognition to kids than I would've guessed.

Thanks for the link, Anonymous! I felt sure someone had done this before me. And I was glad to see that person used "down to get the fiction on" -- I had to sacrifice that for the Mr. Darcy line and regretted it. :-)

Cheryl, here's the link to the Animoto video I made from your very clever adaption.

http://animoto.com/play/J36JxsHafs0RKrTBHUHmgg

FYI, Janet Reid posted a challenge on Twitter--that if someone would perform your rap, she'd read their mss. So, I had to give it a whirl. I couldn't do justice to your poem, but it was fun putting it together. I think I'll stick to writing rather than rapping for self-expression.

I'm so happy it made you happy. If it's any good, it's all you, Cheryl. This goes to show that even someone who raps like me can't ruin an inspired send-up. So post away. Virtual tomatoes can't hurt me. Cheers!

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Ten things I love: Books, trees, stars, roasted vegetables, "Singin' in the Rain," medium-tip blue rollerball pens, oatmeal, community, Scrabble, and my tall black boots.
All opinions expressed here are solely my own and should not be taken as those of the company for which I work.

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Text and most photos copyright (c) 2003, 2005-2015 by Cheryl B. Klein. All opinions expressed here are solely my own and should not be taken to reflect the opinions or official positions of the company for which I work. Thanks for reading!