South African hero and icon Nelson Mandela released a statement today from his home in Heaven condemning the disgusting outbreak of brutal xenophobic violence in his beloved country.

While angelically floating on a cloud just outside the pearly gates Madiba said: “I suffered the pain of 27 years in prison to free my country and this is how we ended up?

“I urge you all to think about what we’ve been through.

“The rest of the African diaspora suffer abuse in Europe, the USA and everywhere else and Africans shouldn’t have to suffer the same in our own land.

“I therefore ask you all to think of the future of our great continent and I beg those perpetrating the violence to stop now.

“Africa unite!”

Meanwhile Adolf Hitler, currently suffering for all eternity in the fires of hell had this to say: “I hate all black people and seeing black people kill other black people is great.

“It’s good to see the remnants of the wonderful apartheid regime now bearing fruit.

“The more chaos there is in Africa, the easier it is to get hold of its lucrative resources and precious land.

“If they keep this up the whole of Africa will be back in ‘our’ hands in no time.”

After the statements Mandela went back to relaxing in his luxury suite at the free-to stay Heaven Hotel while Hitler was forced back to the murky depths of hell to endure an eternity of pain and unpleasantness.