This is actually how cats SMILE at you…by offering to let you lick their butt. Heh.

What makes Puss so mean?

This submission is done under protest, as, contrary to the insistence of my family, she is not mean.

One: We had known for quite some time that she’d been catching the post as it came through the letterbox, which was why it was always crumpled and shredded. One day, I return home to find large spots of blood on the porch. The next day, when an irate postman knocked on the door, it was revealed that she was not attacking the post, she was attacking his fingers…and not for the first time. We had to put up a sign and a box or the Post Office would cease delivery. Why did he have his finger through our letter box in the first place, anyway?

Two: She attacks indiscriminately. Everything that moves is her fair game. Her favourite place to lurk is the stairs, where she will smack you as you go past or attack you ankles as you climb. She also goes for you if you stroke her too much, not enough, or in the wrong place. She enjoys biting, again, ankles are apparently her favourite, but her claws are sharp. I have not experienced this as much as the others say it happens.

You say “indiscriminately”, I say “master plan”.

Three: She is trying to kill my sister. On one occasion, when the light was off, she darted in front of my sister at the top of the stairs and nearly sent her flying down them, causing a large bruise on my sister’s knee and a rent in her jeans. Puss then bites my sister for falling over her.

Four: She will accept no food or attention from anyone but myself, and not always then.

Five: She is completely crazy. She attacks everything that moves and some things which don’t. Or don’t even exist. She chases her own tail, often when sitting on the back of a chair, causing her to curl around the bar at the top and look like a giant, furry hula hoop. Unfortunately, it has never been caught on camera.

Six: She is two faced. She pretends to run away from other cats, then will turn round and give them a good seeing to. I do not think this is meanness; I think it may be strategy.

Seven: She destroys things and has been blamed (although it was never proven) of breaking the cafetiere twice. She also has an irritating habit of sitting on your lap while you are eating and shoving her ass in your food.

Then, there is the usual; loud miaowing outside your door when you are sleeping; if she is in your room, and you move in your sleep she will attack you. Also, she sleep talks, or rather miaows and purrs when she’s sleeping. Especially if you are trying to sleep. This is loud, by the way… If she is outside overnight, she climbs in through upstairs windows and walks all over you. If a door is closed, it must be opened. She chatters (honestly) at birds, and she lies about whether or not she had been fed.

Leave a Reply

Your Name:

E-Mail:

Website:

Comments:

About Us

Meankitty's been online since 1999 or thereabouts. Srsly.

A note about comments. We screen. For various reasons, we've opted to keep the site something that approximates PG-13. Spam and vitriol will be deleted and quite possibly held up for public ridicule. But don't let that stop the rest of you from commenting!

How can a cat be online? The Typing Human, aka Jody Wallace, maintains the website for Meankitty, who sadly lacks opposable thumbs.