Things In Politico That Make Me Want To Guzzle Antifreeze, Part The Infinity

Gaze in awe, beloveds, as the late Ms. I might say. Today, in the pages of Tiger Beat On The Potomac, we may have achieved the Event Horizon of the Beltway circle-jerk. The guiding geniuses of TBOTP, Sparky and Numbnuts, have produced another "Behind The Curtain" extravaganza, whereby they attempt to prove that the basic premise of representative democracy, as reinforced by the power of a free and independent press, is not to have the soup served cold. What S&N don't seem to realize is why so much of what concerns them occurs "behind the curtain." It is because the rest of the country doesn't give a sweet, unholy fk about most of it, what with having lives and mortgages and student loans and exploding unregulated fertilizer plants to worry about. However, today, S&N have decided to tell the anxious nation that tout le monde is buzzing over an upcoming book detailing the culture of suck-up-i-tude within which, among other people, S&N make their bread and cheese. The problem, of course, is that the book is written by a fellow member in good standing of the Lodge and, therefore, S&N don't know whether to strip him of his gang colors, or thank him for giving them a shit-ton of triviality to keep them going for the next six months, which will keep them from having to write about mortgages, and student loans, and exploding unregulated fertilizer plants.

(Full disclosure. Mark Leibovich is an old friend of mine from Boston. I hope his book sells a kajillion copies and that anyone who takes anyone in it as seriously as S&N apparently do should be placed in a medically induced coma and stored in a grain silo until the current political moment passes, if it ever does.)

If you want to see the full extent of S&N's dilemma, you can check out this lengthy passage.

Barnett might. The Democratic super-lawyer is portrayed as a quintessential operator who self-promotes and seems to have clients on every side: Democrats and Republicans, managers and employees, corporations and individuals. This is hardly shocking to Washington insiders - because most have had him on retainer. We are not sure he will much care, given that he jokingly boasts in speeches that he was once called "the doorman to Washington's revolving door." Barnett once represented us for a brief period. Come to think of it, he represents almost everybody we know.

Haddad may regret it, too. Leibovich asked a lot of questions about how the former TV producer courts the powerful. He focused on Haddad's relentless promotion and fundraising for CURE (Citizens United for Research in Epilepsy), founded by Susan Axelrod, the wife of David Axelrod. Leibovich portrays this as a blatant effort to curry favor - a bald execution of the theory that you build connections to the powerful by finding out what interests the people around them. David Axelrod is distressed by the expected portrayal and told us: "Tammy has been a great friend to Susan and me, and I think very sincere about it. She has never asked me for anything in return." Haddad did not give Leibovich a formal interview but the two recently had a clear-the-air lunch at The Jefferson hotel. Leibovich seemed suspicious of Haddad's presence on Air Force One when Jon Meacham of Newsweek, then one of her clients, had an interview with President Obama. But Haddad has told friends it's perfectly normal to accompany clients to interviews she has helped arrange. She declined to comment. For what it's worth, Haddad is a friend who has thrown parties for us. Come to think of it, she has thrown parties for virtually every other person and cause we know.

I actually held off writing about this in the hopes that the laws of physics would kick in, and that having this much wankery and anti-wankery in such close proximity would simply annihilate itself. No such luck. This is your ruling class, America, Dogpatch with DayPlanners. Dogpatch with frequent flyer miles. Please kill me now.

Charles P. PierceCharles P Pierce is the author of four books, most recently Idiot America, and has been a working journalist since 1976.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io

This commenting section is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page. You may be able to find more information on their web site.

A Part of Hearst Digital Media
Esquire participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.