Her husband works too many hours

April 07, 2006

ANNIE'S MAILBOX KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR Dear Annie, My husband, "Jim," works for the federal government. Between his work obligations and his horrible daily commute, I expect him to be gone 60 hours per week. However, week after week, he is away from home 80 to 90 hours. He doesn't receive overtime when he works more hours, so he "volunteers" an average of 20 hours every week. Jim has high ambitions for an early promotion so that we can someday afford to live closer to his job. On the one hand, I am grateful for his hard work, as it allows me to stay home with our infant son. On the other hand, I find myself chronically sad that my husband always chooses to be away from home when we need and want him around. Jim tells me that he has to work all those extra hours, but I used to work for the same employers, and I know full well that they would not require an employee to work so much additional time. Of course, nor will they argue with someone who chooses to do so of his own accord. I have asked Jim if his regular 20-hour volunteering could be a way to avoid his family, but he insists it isn't. He says he's simply trying to improve our lives. I am certain the only people who notice just how much Jim works are our son and I. His supervisors leave the office long before Jim walks out, and they rarely go in on weekends, as Jim does. Please tell me how to tolerate my husband's absence. Talking doesn't help, and he's too busy for counseling. Missing Him in CaliforniaDear Missing Him, Has Jim heard the well-known axiom that no man on his deathbed ever wished he'd spent more time at the office? We assume you have no reason to think Jim is cheating, and that he's just a workaholic. So, fill your time. Look for mom-tot activities through your pediatrician's office, community centers, church, neighbors and friends. Hire a baby sitter, and meet your girlfriends for lunch. Insist that Jim set aside as much time as he can for the family, but face it, some people are just too busy making a living to make a life. Dear Annie, Last year, you did a great job bringing up awareness of Lyme disease, and I hope you will mention it again as we enter warmer weather. Lyme disease is carried by deer ticks that can infect humans. In the early stages, it can be treated and cured. If it isn't treated properly, it will spread to the joints, nervous system and organs. Symptoms can include a red rash (especially near the tick bite), flu-like symptoms or joint pains. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't even realize they've been bitten by a tick. And did you know that fewer than 50 percent of all chronic Lyme patients have the distinctive bull's-eye rash, the symptom most doctors expect to see? Lyme disease can be treated easily with antibiotics, but if it is not properly diagnosed, it can affect you the rest of your life. D.D.Dear D.D., Thank you for alerting our readers to the dangers of Lyme disease. Those enjoying the outdoors should avoid areas where ticks live. Wear light-colored, long-sleeved shirts, long pants, high socks (with pants tucked into the socks) and closed shoes or boots. Apply DEET to clothing. For more information, contact the American Lyme Disease Foundation Inc. (www.aldf.com), 293 Route 100, Somers, N.Y. 10589. Dear Annie, This is a response to "Single, Lonely Guy in Jerzee." You suggested one way to meet people is to volunteer for political candidates. Annie, this was the source of all the turmoil in the movie "Taxi Driver." It's bound to end in a bloody massacre. Agitated Cave Dweller in IndianaDear Agitated, Hardee har har. Go back to your cave. The bats miss you.