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5/20/11

Not every single woman is looking for a mate. Many are. Several of them struggle with dating and ask me how they can "find a good man" or something along those lines worded slightly differently. A woman well-versed in Christianese will instead ask "how can I be found" but the concept is the same. How can she Un-Single herself?

The fact is that almost every single, marriage-minded man who wants to get married, will get married. On the other hand, if she's not married by 30, most women in this category WON'T get married. So, here's my question...what qualities separate the women who are in successful, happy, relationships from those who aren't?

Before you send me "hate male" (intentional wording!), please recognize that I AM ASKING A QUESTION here! If you are single and female, I am not equating being single with being diseased! I am not blaming you...as if it's some sort of shameful tragedy. I AM ASKING A QUESTION.

I get asked this a lot. Daily. So, I am asking you, the reader, but you are, undoubtedly, smarter than I am on this topic. Allow me to paint a scenario and pose the question slightly differently.

Joseph decides he is ready to consider marrying. He meets Tanya, Sally, Sue, Brenda, Thelma, Megan, Madison and Bridgett...all of whom are interested in him. He is attracted to and interested in all of them.

After going out with each of them a couple of times, Joseph decides to pursue an exclusive relationship with Tanya. What makes Tanya stand out as a serious candidate? Are there tangible differences in looks, behavior, attitude, spirituality, etc. that will determine which one Joseph is more likely to pursue?

Before you laugh at the word picture, please understand that I'm not that far off-base statistically. If I am a black single Christian man in the United States, I might be in this exact position. I'm not negating the woman's power to choose. Far from it. In my view, she has the ultimate power to choose. I'm asking.

Some get really uncomfortable with the suggestion that there is some personally responsibility involved. However, it is Biblical to consider that there are some learned skills involved. Making it "random" or attempting to rationalize it as"belonging to God" allows a person to avoid looking in the mirror. If you say it's all on God or chance, I would disagree, but what do YOU say?