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Formula One driver Takuma Sato of Japan crossed the finish line in triumph at the Brickyard in Indianapolis Sunday and became the first Asian race car driver ever to win the Indianapolis 500. It is no secret how he won the race. He was driving a Japanese car and the accelerator got stuck.

• Angela Merkel's campaign rally crowd broke out into song Sunday after she said the U.S. and Britain can't be relied on and Europe must seek out its own destiny. It may accomplish one thing. If anything can wipe that smirk off Vladimir Putin's face, it's the sound of the Germans singing again.

• Paris Match reports a black lesbian organization received permission from Paris officials to ban white men from attending its rally. Racial privileges balance out. While it's true that white people aren't allowed to say the N-word, we do get to say other words like, thank-you officer for the warning.

• The U.S. military test-fires an anti-missile missile from California today to try to shoot down an ICBM fired toward California from the Marshall Islands. There's no panic. Fears subsided after North Korea's latest long-range missile test turned out to be a three-liter bottle of Diet Coke and a packet of Mentos.

• Secretary of Defense James Mattis clarified Trump's terrorist policy Sunday by saying that the goal is to wipe ISIS off the face of the earth. We're not dealing with Einsteins here. How smart are ISIS suicide bombers who expect to enjoy seventy-two virgins right after blowing their penises off?

• Angela Merkel said the U.S. and Britain can no longer be trusted and that Europe must seek to shape its own destiny. Nothing brings back fond memories like a German leader outlining Europe's destiny. E-Coli swears it had nothing to do with Sunday's outbreak of diarrhea in Poland and France.

• Hillary Clinton in a speech Friday likened Trump's situation to President Nixon's impeachment, however Nixon was not only NOT impeached, Hillary was a lawyer on the House impeachment committee that didn't impeach him. The story gets even more embarrassing. She won the popular vote.

• President Trump's proposed budget was ruled dead on arrival by Democrats and Republicans Monday. So much for spending cuts. The Postal Service just projected a five billion dollar loss by the end of the fiscal year in September, making it by far the most profitable branch of the government.

• President Trump at the NATO Summit in Belgium Thursday shoved aside Montenegro prime minister Dusko Markovic so Trump could stand in front of everyone in the group photograph of the NATO leaders. It signaled the end of the Obama Doctrine. We are no longer leading from behind.

• GOP former House Speaker John Boehner made headlines Sunday saying President Trump's domestic policies so far have been a disaster. And we thought there was a lot of racial tension during the Obama administration. This was the first documented case of orange-on-orange violence.