Cantaloupe fetish or violent popcorn orgasms? Nipple-sized dick or dick-sized nipples? Would you rather read the top answers yourself or get a summary that could never do justice to the original questions?

Cantaloupe vs. Popcorn

While redditor Lady_of_the_Lakes was quick to point out the benefits of orgasming on demand to a relatively uncommon word, users working in the entertainment industry opted for cantaloupe for reasons of convenience:

A Rand Paul Original

Who knew Senator Rand Paul would enter the game? Mercifully, his name wasn’t mentioned as part of a weird sex question pitting presidential candidates against each other—but one redditor name-dropped the senator as the author of a particularly difficult question:

More than any other question in the thread, the sense-based “Jar Jar” conundrum invited a wave of theories, clarifying questions, and lively discussion—although at least one redditor hoped for an easier way out:

Check out the original Ask Reddit thread for even more humorous and/or horrifying questions. Or excrete semen-blood from your dick-nipples as you swap genders with Jar Jar Nickelback (to clarify, that’s a Nickelback cover band comprised entirely of Jar Jars) in a tub of cantaloupe-flavored popcorn that sings James Blunt songs in Sean Paul’s voice.