The Glair - Imagine the World without a Pope

Recently this reporter was privileged to attend a pro-Islamic rally at an undisclosed Mosque in the center of a major urban area in the heart of Europe.

“Imagine a world without the Pope!” These striking words, shouted in reaction to the pope’s critical condemnation of the supposed violent tendencies of Islam by the Ayatotal Jihadallalah, sparked a chorus of approval. Young Muslims immediately burned the pope in effigy, as if on cue. The Ayatotal (a.k.a. the Grand Muffititi) an outspoken proponent of world Islam continued with his fiery diatribe.

“Islam, that most reasonable of all religions, cannot tolerate such criticism and unreasonableness! Words kill us in our heart, make us bleed with fear and sensitivity, and saying bad things about us makes us feel really bad inside. Deep down inside. To correct this feeling of shame and bitterness we will all feel better when we have killed the pope!” Another roar of approval followed.

“When you criticize Islam it is like criticizing an unclean woman on her menstrual flow. You cannot do this and not expect the Wrath of Allah!”

“Our prophet said, ‘Kill all the Infidels’ and I say yes, kill everyone as the prophet says, peace be upon him. And the quickest way to peace is through killing!” At this point thousands of Muslims in attendance began to shout, “Yes, kill for peace! Kill for peace! Peace be upon them! Let them die.”

“We call the curse of Allah down upon the head of the infidel. Only then will the infidel understand that we kill him for his own good, so that he may burn in hell in the name of Islam. Peace be upon them! Peace be upon them!”

Allah was unavailable for comment, but speaking through his spokesman, the Grand Muffititi, it is apparent that Allah would naturally approve of the sentiment.

“Reason tells us that there is no way but our way. Reason tells us that we must blindly ignore all criticism and look away from the evidence. The evidence is a trick of the Great Satan. The Great Satan is the Father of Truth that lies. We must be children of lies that speak the truth. It is not up to us to reform, it is up to the infidels to die. There’s nothing wrong with us that a little mass killing can’t fix.”

“You tell em Titi!” A voice could be heard to shout in the background. Another roar of chants went up. “Titis for all Muslims, Titis for all Muslims!” At this the Ayatotal Jihadallalah smiled knowingly and nodded his approval.

“Yes, all Muslims should have Titis,” said the Ayatotal. “This is the way we are and the way we act. True Muslims have Titis and need their Titis to lead them!”

“Allah be praised,” was the natural reaction.

“We are like the American gansta rappers, we must be merciless and grab our crotches whenever we hear devilish criticisms of the true faith. We must frown and seek our revenge, we must be hard, street hard, and put on our game face, we must bust a move for Allah! We must pop a cap in any bitch who opens their mouth to backtalk us. Backtalk us bitch and get the prophetical beat-down!” The crowd erupted once more in pleasure.

“But, but, but…” continued the Ayatotal Titi, “deep inside we are like a delicate, little, vulnerable buttercup of a flower, full of peace and sunshine like the prophet, peace be upon him. We only cap bitches because they need a cappin. If we had our preference then we’d just beat out bitches till they was black and blue, wrap em up in bed sheets, knock em up, and keep em down on the old plantation. Bitches ain’t no trouble down on the plantation! Specially whens they can’t read nor write.”

“The pope is an old bitch! America is a good-looking bitch! Israel is a hot bitch!!” the crowd screamed fanatically with desire.

“That’s right,” shouted the Ayatotal in return. “And Islam knows how to treat her bitches. We enslave them! And if they backtalk us then set them on fire with petrol. And brothers, do we have plenty of petrol.”

“Yeah, plenty of petrol, plenty of petrol!” The young Muslim men shouted in loud cadence.

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