COOKING TO BANG THRU HISTORY

Human civilization and evolution would not be possible without cooking and banging. As cooking evolved from Brontosaurus burgers to eight-course French feasts, so has seduction. Procreation and the perpetuation of the human race is nice a side effect.

ANCIENT EGYPTIANS: Bread, beer, and fish from the Nile made Cleopatra a naughty girl.

Egyptians getting their brew on.

AZTECS: 52 cups of hot cocoa spiced with chili kept Montezuma banging his many wives when he wasn’t sacrificing virgins to the Gods.

Cocoa...Aztec for viagra.

ANCIENT ROMANS: Caesar kept himself busy running an empire between wine-soaked food orgies at the Vomitorium.

Dionysis, God of Big Pimpin

BIBLICAL TIMES: Jesus showed Mary Magdalene a good time serving an aphrodisiac Mediterranean feast of grapes, figs, honey and seafood paired with water turned into wine.

Mary Magdalene, Jesus' #1 Girl.

ANCIENT CHINESE: The Sichuan emperor managed to Kung Pao his concubines by spicing his rice noodles with chili peppers and ginger.

Rice wine and concubines.

MEDIEVAL TIMES: Ale and mutton kept King Arthur’s knights’ groupies eager to tend to their wounds after battles.

Ladies in waiting, men in tights.

COLONIAL AMERICANS: Fresh from Versailles, ladies man Ben Franklin promoted homegrown wine, to wean the colonies off expensive British imports, and to enjoy with New England lobster and Chesapeake Bay oysters and crab.

Founding mothers

NATIVE AMERICANS: Pocahontas seduced John Smith with her native clambake recipes, which his men stole along with her land.

Thanks for nothing, whitey.

FRENCH REVOLUTION: When Marie Antoinette wasn’t part of a Versailles gangbang, she was eating cake, along with other pastries, oysters and decadent chocolate from the New World.

French Revolution began in Marie Antoinette's loins

AMERICAN CIVIL WAR: Abe kept Mrs. Lincoln from making her own Emancipation Proclamation with homemade lobster salad and ice cream…the latest rage.

Hard drinkin' Lincoln.

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