Friday, June 5, 2009

Obviously I Need Lasik

So why in the world do I continue to watch shows about ghosts and aliens?

I know they freak me out.

It doesn’t help that my husband is away. Usually he can calm me down when I suddenly shriek, “What’s that in the corner?”

He’ll be all, “Um, well Amber, that’s the lamp.”

When he’s not here I believe that the lamp is actually a ghost out to get me.

Or an alien wanting to take me to his planet VaVu.

I can’t stop watching the ghost and alien shows though. They fascinate me.

I made the mistake of watching one last night. I hesitated before I clicked the enter button.

Amber. You know what happened the last time you watched a show like this. You swore there was a ghost hanging out in the bathroom…

Okay, but that wasn’t my fault. See, we have a bathroom attached to our room and the door is usually open. So when I’m in bed, I stare right into it. I once woke up in the dead of night and because I was disoriented, I MAY have thought that the towel hanging on the rack was a ghost.

I wear glasses and obviously I didn’t have my glasses on as I slept. My eyesight is like -500/-500. In other words, it sucks. So the towel looked like a strange blob and in my mind, the blob was FLOATING over to me.

My heart was thumping like mad and I shouted something like, “Go away!” before diving under the covers.

When I worked up the courage to peek out I realized that the blob wasn’t moving and figured out that I had been mistaken about the ghost.

Oops.

Anyhow, even though I knew I shouldn’t watch the ghost show last night, I still did. After all, I was an entire month older than I was during the towel incident. Surely I had matured since then.

So I watched the program and nothing spooked me.

Then, since all was well, I decided to watch a show on UFOs.

I wasn’t even afraid! I calmly watched and then I headed off to bed. When I turned off the lights, I didn’t mistake the dresser for an alien.

You see? I’m maturing!

I fell asleep and was awoken by a boom of thunder at around three in the morning. Normally this would terrify me. But not this time. No, this time I was—

Holy mother of pearl! What is that in the doorway?!

I swear I saw a figure hovering.

There was a flash of lightening and it was definitely the outline of someone.

Or something.

My breath started quickening and I pulled the covers up to my nose.

It’s just my imagination. I KNEW I shouldn’t have watched those shows. What was I thinking?

Another flash of lightening filled the room and I saw the figure again.

It’s an alien! I can’t see through it so it has to be an alien. I’m going to be abducted and they’re going to perform weird experiments on me. I’m not wearing my good underwear so the aliens are going to think that something is wrong with me and try and drill my eye out.

My heart was beating quickly and I was frozen in fear. I wanted to reach for my glasses but I was worried if I stuck my hand out that the alien would shoot it off.

So I did what any other self-respecting twenty-six-year-old would do.

I dove under the covers.

I stayed there for a few seconds before feeling like a complete idiot.

49 comments:

Hahaha, that is so funny!!!!!! My hubby will turn off the lights, plunging us into darkness and whisper "I see dead people" and I'm screaming and screaming "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!" But the funniest is that *this* grown woman still believes that a bear is chasing after her as she takes the garbage out at night and I BOLT into the house before he can get me!

LOL - I think it's time for you to give up these shows! I understand though - movies about the devil and things like that get me VERY jumpy! Poor Tommy - you'll have to tell him someday you thought he was an alien!

Yes, absolutely. I'm the same way, but every Wednesday will find me in front of the tube watching Jason and Grant chase ghosts on Ghost Hunters. When my husband worked offshore, I occassionally forget to take the lights off when I went to bed at night.

I do the same thing with zombie movies ... I am TERRIFIED of zombies (LOL ... I know) but insist on watching movies about them anyway. Even though I just *know* that zombies are lurching through the darkness to get me. Ugh!

didn't it feel so much better to have tommy there with you, though? it doesn't matter who it is there with me, as long as someone is, i'm less scared (by the way...i closed my eyes in the haunted manison at disney).

I to love to hate scary movies....they come to life when the house is dark!! everything hanging in the closet is out to get me ... if the blankets on the bed are postioned right they are out to get me.....its a never ending story....until the next movie anyway!!

Ha!! That's awesome!! I'm the same way with any Law & Order or CSI... I swear people are gonna break into my house, take the kids, and leave me stuffed in the trunk of a car and dumped into the lake...That's why I stick to Murder she wrote!!

Haha, I have quite an overactive imagination too :S But I love horror films which is a bit stupid really. Im fine watching them but then go up to bed and imagine characters from them are stood at the end of my bed watching me sleep! Its really creepy!At least you had your son to look after you though - even if u did think he was an alien :P

Anyway Ive only just started my blog but there should be some good stories on there soon enough if you ever fancy a look its http://hopscotchandhandbags.blogspot.comwhich for some reason it won't let me link on here sorry!(if you know how to do links in comments that would really help!)

I’m not wearing my good underwear so the aliens are going to think that something is wrong with me and try and drill my eye out.

First, when have you EVER encountered aliens who scrutinize your underwear and then, on discovering they're not your good undies, threaten to drill your eye out? Hmmm? Didn't you watch Alien? They don't care about your underwear. Second, which eye?

That's exactly why I don't watch those shows-they scare the pants off of me! When my kids were little and I was scared at night (because I stupidly watched something I KNEW was going to give me bad dreams, or because some creepy storm had blown our way) I used to go into the kids' rooms and gently shake them from their peaceful slumber. "Are you scared? Is the storm making you nervous? You can cuddle with me in my bed if you want." I don't know if it made them feel safer, but it did me: )

Oh my gosh I am laughing so hard but I shouldn't be because this is SO me! I am such a baby, especially in the dark! My husband and brother tease me about this relentlessly. I refuse to go in my own basement alone, I certainly won't go in to other basements or attics, hate going outside alone at night (if my husband is out at night I have been known to call my next door neighbor to come outside with me when my dog has to go out!), and if the hubs is traveling every. flippin. light will be on at night! So what do I do? Same as you...watch all that scary crap then wonder why the heck I torture myself!!!

LOL! I haven't been able to read blogs in over a week...this was my first stop and I am laughing so much I might just pee before I get this comment out! THANK YOU, I needed this. Also, we should form a scaredy-mama club because it sounds like alot of us do the same crazy shiz!ENJOY YOUR DAY!!! ;)

Oh, this is great! I'm a very jumpy person, so I think that would really scare me...even if I had kids! Mirrors are what do me when I'm walking around my room in the dark. For whatever reason, I forget that the window is directly behind me when I face the bathroom mirror, thus my reflection shows up as a very dim shadow.