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Fun With Keywords: Apocalypse of the Preppies Edition

Here's a fresh new batch of search phrases used to find this site in recent months. Oh, Google Analytics. What did I ever do without you?

neal wandering around shirtless
Yeah, that’s pretty much every White Collar episode, ever. I love White Collar. Come for the snappy dialogue and cheerful shenanigans, stay for the shameless Nealsploitation.

apocalypse of the preppies
Just switching those two words around adds a whole new universe of meaning. I’m changing my blog name, posthaste.

are cadillacs looked down on by preppies?
Bear in mind that I am, at best, an imitation preppy (no disposable income, no impressive pedigree, I don’t golf, and my backhand is total crap. Got myself a decent preppy name, at least). From my perspective as someone who doesn’t own a car and is wholly immune to car culture, I neither look down upon nor feel any affinity for Cadillacs or any other car. However, I do have a secret fondness for the Mini Cooper. It’s cute.preppies are not fatEh. I’m sure some are and some aren’t. Carrying around extra weight doesn’t invalidate anyone’s preppy membership card.how do preppies feel about debtThey don’t care much for it.

thomas gibson last starfighterNope. Gibson has been in a whole lot of movies, ranging from totally awesome (Love & Human Remains, the finest gay-themed independent movie to come out of Canada in the 1990s), to kind of awesome (Psycho Beach Party, Barcelona), to run-of-the-mill awful (Men of War), to hilariously awful (The Lost Empire). He’s acted with Tom Cruise twice (Far and Away and Eyes Wide Shut). He gets around… but he’s not in The Last Starfighter. You know who is in that, though, in a tiny background role? Wil Wheaton. Weird, huh?

criminal minds best hotch episodeSpeaking of Thomas Gibson... As someone who could probably write a pretty decent dissertation on The Great and All-Encompassing Awesomeness of Hotch, I should have a simple answer, and yet I don’t. It sort of depends upon what you’re looking for. Do you like Hotch for his unsmiling, unfussy gentleness? I’d vote for “Pleasure is My Business” or “Ashes and Dust.” Are you partial to cyborg ninja Hotch, who can take out a horde of heavily-armed killers armed only with a baton and who wanders into burning buildings and volatile hostage situations without protection? Go for “The Tribe,” “Haunted,” or “Devil’s Night.” Scary Hotch? Watch him chewing out Jordan Todd in “52 Pickup” or provoking a murderous death row inmate in “Damaged.” Stealth bitch Hotch? Can’t beat him methodically shredding the condescending defense attorney who tried to embarrass him on the witness stand in “Tabula Rasa.” Batshit crazy Hotch? Well, that’d be him beating Foyet to death in “100.”

criminal minds jjs top episodesThis is easier. I’m partial to the climax of “Penelope,” in which J.J. fires through a glass wall and shoots Garcia’s attacker smack in the back of his head. Talking down serial killer Tim Curry over the public address in “The Longest Night” was a nice moment for her as well. I also dig her cool little ghost story to Reid and Morgan in “Boogeyman”

least favorite criminal minds episodeMy go-to answer for this one is “The Fight,” though it gets strong competition from the wretched “Reflection of Desire.” “Jones,” “Machismo,” and “Somebody’s Watching” are also at the bottom of my list.

elle, an artist, finds an old canoe in woods behind her property. her neighbors consider it abandoned. elle cleans it, paints scenes on it depicting native american rituals, and displays it in her art gallery. flo, the canoe's original owner, claims it, but a court grants elle title.…I’ve got nothing.

psych shawn and gus dress up and perform songYou probably want the Season Two premiere, “American Duos,” in which Gus and Shawn dress up as, respectively, Michael Jackson and Roland Orzibal from Tears for Fears to perform on an American Idol-esque variety show, judged by Tim Curry, Gina Gershon, and Cristian de la Fuente. It is, of course, awesome. Also worth a look: Shawn and Gus (plus Juliet, Chief Vick, and Lassiter) doing their very best Hall & Oates act in a promo last season.

ralph macchio in psych season 5Not yet. Probably just a matter of time. Doesn’t he just seem like he should be a Psych guest star, joining the august ranks of Ally Sheedy, Judd Nelson, Lou Diamond Philips, and C. Thomas Howell? (Edited to add: Macchio will appear in the December 8th episode, which is described as "a tribute to the Police Academy films." Sounds awesome.)

volume five of heroes, what is it called and sylar will be around right?Oh, dear. Well, here’s the good news: Volume Five was called Redemption. It aired last season (September 2009-February 2010), and Sylar featured prominently in it. There’s some confusion, because Volume Five was actually Season Four -- Season Three was, for some damn reason, split into Volumes Three and Four. So if you’re actually looking for Season Five, I’m afraid you’re out of luck: Heroes was canceled in the spring.

which hardy boy is more emotionalThat’d be Joe.

who was singer in hardy boys meet dracula1970s singer/songwriter Paul Williams, who, among many other insanely catchy hits, wrote “Rainy Days and Mondays” and co-wrote “The Rainbow Connection.” The song he sang in the Hardy Boys episode is “The Hell of It,” which functions as the world’s most blistering eulogy: “Good for nothing, bad in bed, nobody likes you and you’re better off dead, goodbye…”

young swingers party laughing naked swimming feeling each otherI’m clearly getting invited to all the wrong parties.

two kids kills a kid a kid steals a brain from his fathers lab and brings him back to lifemovie where female aliens steal spermI’m also clearly the last to hear about all the really good movies.

who is morgan from the slammin salmonMy spiritual sister, 1970s-1980s bombshell Morgan Fairchild.

reid/hotch corporal punishment fanficsOh, dear. I’m all for a little latitude with fanfiction, but I can’t wrap my head around a set of circumstances that would lead to quiet, soft-spoken Hotch and brainy, emotionally-distant Reid breaking out the straps and canes and whacking away at each other. Tell you what: If anybody writes it, I’ll write the sequel, in which Hotch and Reid get booted out of the FBI for conduct unbecoming.

arnold vosloo covert affairsNope. Oh, hey, you might be confusing him with Oded Fehr, who did indeed appear in Covert Affairs. Not that the two are twins or anything, but they’re both good-looking men with strong noses and beautiful eyes, and they both have somewhat similar television/film careers. I could see where someone could get them mixed up.

arnold vosloo's plans in the future?No idea. Probably something along the lines of working to differentiate himself from Oded Fehr.

heroes +"samuel sucks"I’m not going to stick my neck out to defend Samuel, but I’ll mildly point out that, compared with all the things that were so horribly wrong with that ghastly final season of Heroes, Samuel and his motley carnival buddies were actually pretty entertaining.

ioan gruffudd fake nudeWell, there’s no shortage of real Ioan Gruffudd nudity out there. Have you seen Hornblower?

jai/arthurHeh. Whichever of you Googled this and followed it here just because I groused in my last Fun With Keywords post about the complete lack of Jai/Arthur searches, thank you very much.

just when my coil was reaching the green lineAkira is my mostest favoritest movie ever, and the first version I ever saw was the bizarrely-translated 1989 US theatrical release, so I have to admit, I get a little thrill whenever anyone finds my site by searching for that enigmatic and borderline-nonsensical phrase.

Writer. Publisher and owner of Luft Books. An Angeleno adrift in New York City, I've got a BFA in screenwriting from USC's film school, a fiendish love of pop culture, and a Duran Duran lyric for every occasion. Reach me on Twitter or at me_richter(at)yahoo(dot)com.

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Love, love, love your keyword posts. I had no idea your blog was such a hotbed of Arnold Vosloo activity.

Anyone want to start a "Ralph Macchio on Psych" facebook group? Surely if that sort of activity can get Betty White (national treasure that she is) to host SNL, it can get Mr. Macchio as a guest on Psych? Don't you think?

(My own site wouldn't let me comment this morning, which I thought was just plain rude. Let's see if things have cleared up now.)

It's only a matter of time before Macchio pops up on Psych. Him and Andrew McCarthy. And I really would've thought Rob Lowe would have made a guest appearance by now -- Psych seems right up his alley. Throw Jennifer Grey and Lea Thompson on the pile of prospective guest stars, too.

I'm still wondering about the "elle, an artist..." post. It almost looks like someone posted into their search field but had the wrong thing in their clipboard? 'Cause that's a long as query string.

I wonder if they could pull off (or if they had the budget to pull off) an episode that brought back Sheedy and Nelson, and then added Estevez, A.M. Hall and Ringwald? Put them all in prison together or something. Add Paul Gleason as the warden? Nah, that's just getting weird now...

Love your Breakfast Club tribute idea, Boy-Morgan. A few seasons back, they did a general salute to John Hughes films when Shawn and Gus attend their high school reunion, though that one focused mostly on Sixteen Candles, and I don't think it had any awesome Brat Pack guest stars.

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Writer. Publisher and owner of Luft Books. An Angeleno adrift in New York City, I've got a BFA in screenwriting from USC's film school, a fiendish love of pop culture, and a Duran Duran lyric for every occasion. Reach me on Twitter or at me_richter(at)yahoo(dot)com.

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