Five Worst Parenting Books

Parents often find themselves looking for advice on how to raise their kids. It’s not surprising in a society in which we spend so little time around children that we go into this parenting business with little to no experience. However, we have to be careful where we seek advice for not all advice is equal. While there is huge variability in the advice out there, most wouldn’t be so bad as to say one should flat out ignore it, even if it’s not in line with a personal view of how to raise one’s kids. But there are books so bad that we need to be clear parents really ought not to be reading them. Sometimes it’s the entire book, sometimes it’s just some of the advice, but regardless, the following five books all contain information that should be ignored by parents everywhere…

5. Shitty Mom by Karen Moline

What is it with the slew of books on “reclaiming your life” from your kids or parenting in a way that minimizes disruptions to your life? I use this book as an example, but there are many others like it, all of which spout the nonsense that you need and should come first regardless or that parenting is something that we really don’t need to take seriously at all. We’re not talking about accepting that you won’t be perfect or the idea that you need to make sure you’re healthy in order to care for your kids, but rather the idea that you should be able to do whatever the hell you want and your kids better learn to just suck it up and go for the ride. After all, it’s your world, right? Everyone else is just living it in.

Although these books are supposed to be funny, I’m not sure there’s a lot of funny in the advice doled out. And they all have the premise that babies and kids are awful. You read it and wonder why these people had children. Ms. Moline compares one of her children to Hitler (I’m sure he’ll appreciate reading out that when he’s older; in fact I often wonder what all kids will think when reading these kinds of books when they are older) and starts the book off by pitting parents against kids (“It’s about not letting that baby win every battle.”). She advocates sending sick kids to daycare because it’s too inconvenient for you to care for them (remember it’s her world and if your kid gets sick because of it, well that’s just what happens in her world). Perhaps there would be humour here if the views were so damn prevalent with parents all over sighing with relief upon seeing advice like this. Or perhaps it’s just not funny to view your child as a burden, a pain in the ass, or the enemy who ruined your life and when you view your child that way, your parenting is going to reflect that. If you want funny, read the Bloggess or Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures or The Honest Toddler… not this drivel.

4.What to Expect When You’re Expecting by Heidi Mukoff and Sharon Mazel

Yes it focuses on pregnancy, but isn’t that the beginning of our parenting journey? If we feel totally disempowered and useless when pregnant, won’t that kind of carry over to parenting? And yet that seems to be the message of this book: You know nothing, there are a million things you can do wrong (and probably will), and you need to pass over all control to your doctor because s/he knows what’s best for you. Let’s also not forget how it sensitizes us to make sure we fear Every. Little. Thing. My goodness, horror movies aren’t as good at scaring women as this book is. I fear that the majority of women who have read it believe that pregnancy is a “condition” rife with all sorts of horrible things and that they are all lurking around every corner. If you don’t fear everything, something horrible will happen. (This isn’t to say bad things don’t happen, but when you’re at the stage of telling women not have baths, you’ve hit a realm of paranoia that is beyond what anyone should have to experience.) Not surprisingly, there’s very little in terms of citations for these pages of fear-mongering.

[Update: I have an older version of this book and older versions are still widely available in libraries and used bookstores, but apparently the newest edition is not as fear-mongering as the older ones (though some people believe it is as bad). I can’t attest to that personally, but I am putting that out there for people in case you read the newest and truly are perplexed.]

3. Save Our Sleep by Tizzie Hall

Oh Tizzie. What list of worsts would be complete without you??? The woman who brings us strict schedules, the risk of overheating babies (which can lead to death) by wrapping them in 8-10 blankets, and not responding when your child vomits. The latter is just the icing on the cake in an otherwise bad book on parenting. Schedules, not focusing on or responding to baby’s needs, and again viewing the child as manipulative are ideas that characterize this book completely, and these meld together when she speaks of the vomit situation. You see, Tizzie recommends that if your little baby is screaming so much at night (because of course she advocates crying-it-out) that s/he ends up vomiting from the stress of it, the baby is actually trying to manipulate you into holding him/her (sadly she’s not the only one to claim this as similar things have been written by Richard Ferber and Jodi Mindell). What to do? Do not respond and comfort your child that is clearly in the midst of one of the most stressful situations of his/her young life. You must stick to your schedule and force this baby to stop asking for help. But really you need to “vomit-proof” the bed so you just have to remove the sheet (without making eye contact with your baby) and leave the baby there. Only change the baby if absolutely necessary. This extends into toddlerhood as well. One great example she herself provides is of a toddler who got so upset, he vomited and pooed himself, but the recommendation was to change the sheets then let him fall asleep crying in his shit so he didn’t learn to poo himself in order to get the attention from mom and dad that he clearly wanted. (The parents could change the diaper once he was asleep.) Folks – I can’t make this horrible advice up, but I can tell you to stay the hell away from it.

[In all reality, I could add all sorts of sleep training books in this spot. Tizzie is not alone in these asinine views, and books like Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell (which also advocates for leaving a child in vomit, as stated above) or Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth (which advocates that somehow sleep has to take precedent over every other need, including security and food, and advocates for not giving a child much love and affection) are just as bad. And of course anything Gina Ford should be avoided with a 10-foot pole.]

2. On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo

There are two versions of Babywise: The original and the updated. Although both versions would earn spots on this list, it gets to be number 2 because of the original which is sadly still in circulation, especially in libraries where updates aren’t always so quick. First, why would both be on the list? Well, the updated version still has inherent in it the belief that newborns are manipulative and evil and that they are not deserving of the attention and responsiveness that they actually do need. In several parts, the authors discuss how newborns do not have any good virtues (e.g., kindness, goodness, etc.) and that if their needs are consistently met, they will grow up to be self-centered assholes (like they apparently already are). His argument is that you should respond to needs, but that babies often cry or try to eat but apparently these aren’t “real needs”, because remember babies are basically self-centered, Machiavellian assholes out to mess with your life if you let them. I struggle with the idea that any good parenting can arise from this perspective.

It is number 2 on this list, however, because of the original version which some people are still reading and taking to heart. In this version there were strict guidelines on feeding times and touch times – in short, huge promotion of scheduled care. We know scheduled care with newborns is bad, but this one was so bad, the American Academy of Pediatrics had to make a public statementagainst this book because the methods were clearly associated with dehydration and ‘failure to thrive’ in numerous infants. In short, following the advice was putting babies at severe physical risk of harm. With that, you may be asking, what book could possibly be worse?

Well, the number 1, worst book is… To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl

There are quite a few supposedly Christian books out there that are along the same lines as this one, but none seem to have the popularity of this gem. Let’s start with the fact that there’s a petition to get this book removed from Amazon and it’s not for crazy reasons. The book promotes itself as a Christian guide to parenting, but it’s nothing like the parenting I’ve seen by my Christian friends, which is loving and involves full-term breastfeeding (when they can), co-sleeping (if safe), lots of touch, but generally just loving and responsive practices. This book endorses inflicting physical pain on babies and children under the assumption that they are evil little bastards out to get you and that you must break their will to be a successful parent. Some of the suggestions include pulling your baby’s hair if s/he bites when nursing, teasing your child with something they want then hit them when they reach for it, using switches on babies, and spanking a child for up to 45 minutes at a time if the child doesn’t want to sit in your lap or clean up or simply tries to defend himself against any beating. Did I mention that there have been multiple deaths of children due to the practices in this book? Yeah, not a great selling point if you ask me. If you want to try and defend this book and the methods discussed within it, this site is not for you; in fact, this world isn’t for you.

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There you have it. Five books not worth your money or your time so try to avoid them as best you can.

If you want to read some of the BEST parenting books, you can do so right here!

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Tracy Cassels, PhD is the Director of Evolutionary Parenting, a science-based, attachment-oriented resource for families on a variety of parenting issues. In addition to her online resources, she offers one-on-one support to families around the world and is regularly asked to speak on a variety of issues from sleep to tantrums at conferences and in the media. She lives in Prince Edward County, Ontario, Canada with her husband and two children.

112 Comments

Hi, thanks for the article ! I read save our sleep and did do it with my first two, I never let them cio though (they both pretty much fell into routine and didnt cry much if ever. I just used the routine with my kids when they were on solids. My 3rd is 4.5 months old and no way in hell will I be doing SoS ever again. We bedshare, we are still breastfeeding, I respond to his cry as soon as I can (sometimes im mid toilet break or driving somewhere I cant pull over etc) but I do talk to him or yell out to him so he can hear my voice. I cannot fathom doing a 4 hour routine with him as he feeds on demand. I tried to force him into a routine (not four hourly just so my other kids had attention) and its ruined his sleeping habits 🙁 he was sleeping 6 hours then 3 hourly after that but frequently is waking hourly or every 2 hours at night now. So now I just go with the flow 🙂 I love your articles and fb page !

My fiance and have done the bed sharing and breastfed with our daughter since she was a newborn. She is now nearly eight months old and we still do it. I was very apprehensive about bed sharing from how I was brought up but, it works so incredibly well.

I have never read any of the others (and experiences something similar to “to train up a child” growing up anyways so I never nead to read it), but I never thought of the what to expect books like that before. granted “the expectant father” ticked me off because it was ALL about money and nothing about a father preparing for fatherhood.. I’ve only ever skimmed through the what to expect books at best (we have all three), but we mainly picked them up because they were free lol. While I wouldn’t let the doctor have all the control and all I do like how they talk about everything, but then I’m not quite a stresser, but kind of “expect the worst so you can be ppleasantly suprised” then again once we’re pregnant I have the feeling that will go out the window and I’ll be panicking lol! What are the 5 best books iyo? I’d love to check them out.

Yes! Anything by Ina May! The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland is also pretty good. I only have a couple issues with some of the things like giving gold stars for good behaviour or doing chores, etc. Unconitional Parenting by Alfie Kohn is also fabulous.

I have to say we really liked Marc Weissbluth, because he says ‘Most babies do this routine at this age…’ which helped us make sense of what our baby was up to. We didn’t ignore any of her other needs. I can’t speak for the other books but most parenting things I read I take with a pinch of salt and put my own spin on them.

I agree about the Weissbluth book. I thought it was well-done and found it to be a great help when I found myself the single mother of 4 with a baby that I needed to get to sleep. Sleep is important for baby and parents. He also supports co-sleeping in the book. Have you read it?

I was going to say the same thing about Marc Weissbluth. I liked that he gave alternatives to the CIO method and advocates breastfeeding twins which is not something a lot of parenting books even touch on. I also liked that he used evidence based research and not just his opinion.
Having been reading parenting books for nearly 15 years, I really do take what I need and leave the rest. It would be a boring world indeed if we were all the same and did everything the same way.

Wow. Just wow. I adore my 9 month old girl, and if anyone advocated ANY of this to me I would turn the advice around on them. I will happily beat you, overheat you, laugh while you vomit, etc. if you were to suggest to me that this is a good idea for my little girl.
ARRRRRGH. I’m angry… where’s my tea!?

On a positive note, check out Parenting By Design on Facebook or online (search Google) for GOOD tips and actual healthy Christian advice.

Totally agree with your take on most of the books above, but have to say I was surprised to see What to Expect When You’re Expecting on there…I must have the more recent edition (I won it in a competition before I even fell pregnant) as I can’t say I found anything I there “fear-mongering” at all, although it is a bit over-the-top in a few areas. But then again, I’m normally fairly good at just trusting my instincts and common sense when it comes to my body. The bath example is a good one though of some over-the-top advice that I just ignored, as having regular baths was one of my favourite ways to relax during my pregnancy. I look forward to seeing what you recommend as the 5 best books 🙂

When I was pregnant with my first, I was given the What to Expect book as a gift. I was 19, and this pregnancy thing was already a bit stressful, as I had no experience with pregnancy.

Reading and following the book, it seemed that if I didn’t do everything they suggested, my baby would die or be born will all kinds of problems…. and it would be my fault.

I was SO paranoid and scared that I didn’t even know how to relax and enjoy my pregnancy.

For some people, pregnancy is just another part of life, and they can read the book and take what they want from it. For others, pregnancy is a new thing and they are lost and looking for something to give them assurance. The book poses as that assurance… while causing a great deal of stress. The very idea that we are growing a human being is overwhelming as it is. The concern that if we do something wrong, that human might suffer is unbearable. The list of “somethings wrong” that the book presents as fact is completely unreasonable.

I must agree. I really liked all of the What to Expect series. I have used them with both of my children and never felt anymore worried than I think I should have. I’m a worrier by nature, but I always feel better with more information rather than less and so if I was concerned with a topic that was brought up, I simply did research on it. 🙂

It’s a sad comment on the world when the American academy of pediatrics puts out a public safety notice on a book on how to raise the most vulnerable members of our society and yet the publishers and stockists still see fit to put it on shelves just so they can make a buck. That right there is a prime example of what is wrong with the world and what raising a child under any of those circumstances will create. :(.

You’re entitled to that view! Not sure why you come back to read more then though… And how does what I write not fit with theories of education? And what does theories of education have to do with something like co-sleeping?

Well, I have no idea what a parent educationalist is… ? But I am a parent and an early childhood educator, and attachment has everything to do with educational theories. Children who are not securely attached to their loved ones are not secure enough in themselves to fully engage int he world they are trying to understand. Although I don’t believe that you have to co-sleep to be develop an attached relationship, I do think the practices promoted in these books will destroy attachment, or keep it from ever developing properly. Oh, those poor babies… love your list and everything you say, Tracy!

Thank you Candalyn! Yes, attachment is built on responsiveness – however that looks in an individual relationship (as I have written about). I too am not sure how what I write is “crap” in the educational world, but so be it if that’ someone’s opinion, yes? You’ll never please everyone!!!

Jesi
November 24, 2013 at 4:44 pm

I am also a parent, an early childhood educator and studying to become an early childhood family/parent educator and I have to agree that attachment should be number one on the importance list when it comes to raising strong, healthy, independent children. Leaving a child to cry and wallow in their own vomit is not the way to do that.

If you were truly good in your field you would not be advocating anything these books promote. If you truly are a parent-educator, God help those poor children suffering because of the advice you’re promoting to their parents.

The authors of to train up a child actually breast fed till age two and co-slept. They also stress tying heart strings and connecting with your child. Yep, they encourage spanking, but not in the ways that are being taken out of context and abused.

Goes to show that just breastfeeding and co-sleeping doesn’t mean you aren’t hurting your kids. I have to admit I’m not sure in what context their comments and advice isn’t abuse or how you can connect with your child when you’re abusing them??? I’ve read the section on taunting a baby with a toy then hitting their hands when they reach for it. I’ve read the section on spanking or switching a child more if they fight the initial spanking or switching. These are all things *in the book*…

I’m not easily ‘offended’ but the “Train Up A Child” book offended me. I read Debi Pearl’s book “Created to be His Helpmeet” and it changed my marriage. I didn’t agree with everything she had to say, in the book….but she had some very wise points regarding marriage. I mistakenly thought that her husband must have something valid to share too. I was horrified at the ‘switch’ on a baby’s hand and the spankings. My husband and I are ‘spankers’ but not to this extreme. We only had to use them for awhile until our children understood there was a ‘less than desirable consequence’ for misbehavior. “Train Up A Child” seemed set on breaking the spirit of the child. I was horrified. I read your list just to see if you knew about it and added it to the worst. Great job on your research! Also….I totally agree on the What to Expect book. It stressed me out badly when I was pregnant the first time. Totally not necessary.

Jen, I also just read yesterday about the parents who are being charged with the death of their 7 year old after they beat her with a plastic hose, in accordance with the teachings of the Pearls. In fact, 3 children have died as a result of the Pearls’ teachings. They don’t just encourage spanking, they encourage abuse.

I was raised on tactics not quite as abominable as the Pearl’s teachings, but close enough They are monsters and their book should be burned en masse. It’s funny, the oldest form of Christianity there is (Eastern Orthodoxy) has never advocated physically forcing the submission of a child’s will, and does not hold the doctrine of Original Sin from which the Calvinist doctrine of Total Depravity emanates and creates poison like “To Train Up A Child.’ Not to mention that you can quote Proverbs all you like, but the Jewish religion does not advocate the methods of child-rearing the Pearls propose to be a “requirement” of Proverbs; and Israel is one of the majority of civilized nations where corporal punishment of young children is illegal. So clearly the Pearls are missing something. Like, everything. I’m pretty sure Jesus Christ would be harder on them than He was on the Pharisees if he came back today.

I can most assure you that Calvinists (or Reformed believers, if you wish) do not advocate the Pearls and that nonsense that is “To Train Up a Child”. In fact, many within the Reformed community abhor.

That and the Pearls are not Reformed (In fact, they deny total depravity on their website.).

Before spouting off things that you have no knowledge of, read up on Reformed theology (Especially in regards to depravity of man.).

I may disagree with Eastern Orthodoxy on many things, but I certainly don’t throw words like “poison” at the practice.

Holy Cow! I am sad to think there are this many books (probably more) out there that purport to be good parenting books but are just plain evil. I really only skimmed the what to expect when I was first pregnant many years ago and since that first skimming I realized it was a scare tactic book made for those who I guess would characterize themselves as hypochondriacs. I try to review the first bit of a book before buying it and am glad I never came across these books, however, I’m pretty sure I’ve come across others. Undoubtedly these people feel that children are a burden and don’t really get the whole concept of giving yourself over to the love of a child as well as the fact that you are a model for how they see the world and these people are doing it wrong…very wrong. I feel bad for any child that is subjected to this in their lives.

I am not sure if you actually read Babywise but what you described is nothing I have read in any of the babywise books. Babywise babies are actually known to gain weight really well. I have an 18 lb 7 month old to prove it. The book focuses on full teaching full feedings so that they aren’t snacking and get plenty of hind milk. It NEVER says to withhold feeding. It says to look for cues and use the clock as a guide ONLY!!! There is absolutely nothing wrong with a baby on a schedule. My daughter smiles all the time and everyone comments on how happy she is and she has been on a schedule from the beginning. I don’t judge you for your decisions with your child and I think you should respect people in the same way. You act like babywise people are abusing their kids and that is wrong to put that on parents who love their children and are trying to make good decisions for them. If you want to talk about American Academy of pediatrics…I have never heard any doctors say it is safe to sleep with your newborn and recommended. It is your choice and what works for you but you cannot judge someone for not making that choice. I have very little respect for someone who would slam parents so bad over decisions like feeding times and sleeping arrangements. Us moms should be sticking together. Not bashing each other.

Where did I judge a parent here? I’m talking about the advice given. When advice is linked to failure to thrive and dehydration then it’s a real problem. (Also, as I mentioned, that advice is for the first version, not the second.) But the problem is with those who are writing books that are putting babies in danger, not the parents who look to them for advice. If a schedule works for you, go ahead, but I could never promote it generally because it’s not associated with good outcomes as a general rule.

I had to back up Tracy here. I read the warnings about ‘failure to thrive’ due to the advices given by Babywise book. I also listened to an interview of a mom whose baby became a victim of the wrong advice on scheduled feeding. Great that your baby is doing so well on schedule, but not all babies are like yours. Some babies finish feeding in 15 mins, and some take 45 mins. They have different stomach sizes, strength, etc, so the amount they can eat at one feeding is different. This is why it’s so important to demand feed at least for the first few months. You can’t fit all babies in the same category, because they are all different, just like you and me. Most important of all, the author of Babywise book never has a license or education on child health development or parenting. I should find that interview and link it here. It was from the podcast called “Mommy’s milk and more”. I think it was episode 32. Worth listening to it!

Just want to add that the amount of milk a mom can produce also differs. While moms (without problems) can often produce similar amounts in a 24 hour period, the way in which it is produced differs. So while one baby may eat a ton at one feeding, one may need multiple feedings in a 3 hour period to obtain enough nutrients.

If you read this you will understand “hind milk” better. Babies who are snacking between feeds are actually getting more fatty milk. The longer you go between feeds the longer it takes baby to get to the fatty milk. My baby would have been one of those failure to thrive babies had I have followed this method and yes I read the whole book after having my son. http://thefunnyshapedwoman.blogspot.com/2011/05/foremilk-and-hindmilk-in-quest-of.html

I’m another Babywise fan. It has some fabulous advice. Like Katie said, if you take the time to read the book, it offers flexible guides to follow but stresses PARENTAL ASSESSMENT – use your judgement: if your baby is hungry, feed her (the clock is only a FLEXIBLE guide). Baby’s needs are first. I also don’t recall the authors indicating our babies are evil. This might be what you inferred from the book if your ideas and opinions differ from the advice offered. You may feel the need to attack the book to justify your methods as being better, hence your exaggerated negative review. Personally, I feel when reading any book, we should take what works for us and leave what doesn’t. And in the case of baby books, do what feels right for ourselves and our little ones. Happy parents + happy babies = happy families. That’s my goal. Good luck to everyone and keep doing what works for you and baby. 🙂

Another Babywise fan here. I followed the book’s advice with my now 9 year old happy and well adjusted daughter who quickly and easily falls asleep on her own and is a great sleeper. I have a 4 year old son who I didn’t teach to sleep on his own and responded to every whimper and even now, he disrupts everyone’s sleep in the house, waking up several times a night, sleeping with us, etc. I realize that every child is different (I have 4), but I can’t help but think if I had tried to follow some of the Babywise principles we might all be sleeping better now. Oh, my daughter was a butterball too. If I remember correctly, the point of babywise is not to starve the baby, but to do things in a certain order so baby is well rested and hungry for feedings. I am also an Early Childhood teacher and this probably isn’t going to make me many friends here, but I don’t think a little extra structure would hurt most kids.

I am glad to see What to Expect When Expecting on your list! I stopped reading it shortly after I started because all it did was make me feel as if I would never be good enough as a mother and I started to panic I had made a mistake. I have seen other expectant mothers slowly start to take that same path. As soon as hear them start talking about about how they are driving themselves crazy over what they should and should not be eating/wearing/doing, how they are not prepared enough, etc. My first question is are you reading What to Expect? If they say yes I tell them to stop because the book will just drive you crazy that you are not good enough. That your house is not clean enough. That your food is not healthy enough.

Did you truly read this book? I am just confused because things you are saying are not actually in this book. I would never follow a book that says newborns have no good virtues. And as far as Dehydration and failure to thrive all the research shows babywise babies to be very healthy so I would love to know where you are getting your statistics.

I have to agree with Katie. I’ve never seen anything in babywise that could lead to dehydration and failure to thrive – in fact one of babywise’s first rules is always feed a hungry baby. I’ll admit some of the advice doesn’t fit with my six-month-old such as length of naps but the general concepts of feeding regularly, using the pattern of feed play sleep (which seems to be advocated almost everywhere these days) and responding to your baby’s needs and cues (ie not always assuming they are hungry but checking if there is another problem first especially if they only fed half an hour ago) seems very sensible to me. I’ve followed these general concepts and I have a happy, growing, thriving, sleeping through six-month-old.

So what would you do if you didn’t see an issue but your child was signaling for hunger every half hour?

Jacinta
November 22, 2013 at 8:18 pm

Tracy, I would feed my baby – babywise but also common sense says always feed a hungry baby. I’m not defending all the advice nor saying I apply it all, certainly some of it like letting babies cry I don’t agree with at all and always respond, even just to give a cuddle. I’m just saying (like someone has below) pick and choose the advice you like from different books and if you don’t like something (like crying it out) or something doesn’t fit your baby (like a 3hr routine) don’t do it. As I’ve said, the advice I took from babywise was the general concepts of feeding regularly, feed play sleep and responding to your baby’s needs. I think if you’re going to review books and provide comment on their value, you need to read them properly (not look through them) and try not to misrepresent them completely.

So, what you are saying is that you don’t like some of the advice in the book, and you pick out what you do like and use it, but toss aside the rest of the advice. Yet, this is a good book? It sounds like you realized that some of the advice was bad, so chose what you thought might not be, and went from there. Unfortunately, there are people who have to follow the advice as though it were a parenting bible…. and being that it is a horrible book, they end up following the horrible advice.

I’m so sorry, Tracy…. my comments were not directed at you, but there are only a few of the little links that say, “reply to this comment”, so I chose the closest one. It happened this time as well. There was not a link for me to reply to your comment, so I chose the closest one.

I read the Babywise books twice while pregnant on recommendations from friends who had ‘successfully trained their babies’ and it was the worst thing I could have done. I was determined to be a good mother and had very very little exposure to babies and kids prior to my boy arriving. He fed constantly and I became very depressed because I could not move him over to the 3 hour schedule for newborns (I got about 1.5 hours between feeds for the first 5 weeks). The Babywise books set unreasonable expectations for feeding schedules because they work off of averages do not caveat anything with the actual RANGE that those averages function in. The book expressly tells you that every baby is NOT different and that the system will work for everyone who works the system correctly (much like a pyramid scheme).
He was born the 50 percentile weight for boys and grew to the 95 percentile weight in those first 12 weeks. The best thing I ever did was throw out the book but I’ll never get those first weeks back. Not an objective response but I thought I’d counter your anecdotal evidence with an anecdote of my own.

The site also includes many stories of babies with failure to thrive &/or attachment disorder. It’s also common knowledge in the breastfeeding support community that women who follow Babywise are extremely likely to have completely destroyed their milk supply by 4-6 months, forcing them to switch to formula. How early seems to depend on which version of the book they read, with the earliest version resulting in the earliest/worst supply issues.

I’d like to see this “research” you refer to…or it just what Ezzo claims in his book? Because there is no real research in the book.

Whoops, that needs to be removed. I posted the wrong link. The gfi.org one is from the Ezzo’s for-profit company, Growing Families International. So, obviously, biased in defending his book by misaligning it with AAP guidelines that have been taken out of context.

I have three kids. A friend gave us the Babywise book when we were pregnant with our first. We followed their advice pretty closely with the first, half-heartedly with our second, and threw it out altogether with our third. I was much happier with the last baby and much less concerned about getting that child on a schedule, and he ended up being the only one that nursed for a full year. My supply ran out with the other two and I absolutely blame the Babywise methods. I think there may be *some* value in what they say, but only for formula fed babies. If you want to nurse and actually enjoy your child, feed on demand and don’t worry so much. They all figure out sleep eventually.

I have read “Babywise” and “To train up a Child” both because I was curious about all the fuss. babywise wasn’t for me because of all the scheduling. I’m just not a firm believer that babies are meant to be on schedules. You need to account for different sized tummies, etc. that being said, I know friends who had success with the program. I do know for a fact that both of the pediatricians I have had do not recommend using schedules until the baby is at least 6 months old because of failure to thrive issues in some babies. “To train up a Child” was absolutely horrendous for me to read! It was painful and heartbreaking. They talk about switching a four month old baby with a 12″ willow branch on her bare legs! At one point they encourage a man to potty train his child by stripping him every time he soiled himself and spraying him off with a garden hose in the “crisp autumn air.”

(cont. from above^^) At one point they switch a 15 month old who isn’t their child, 10 times because the baby is crying and won’t play with a toy they offer him. At another point, they say to spank until the child cries in submission; which is why many parents go overboard and beat their children so badly. The authors also say not to send your kids to school because they will be exposed to social workers, teachers, police officers, planned parenthood, juvenile detention centers, medical doctors etc. They also recommend not picking up newborns if they cry because you don’t want to encourage them to learn to manipulate. Another thing, they say ten year old kids should be allowed to spank younger siblings

EXCELLENT list, I couldn’t agree more! Especially with your number 1 choice. You pretty much summed up my thoughts (and the thoughts of many of my friends). I always scratch my head at all the Babywise praise, when pediatricians and the AAP are warning parents about a baby book you know something is wrong! As far as that awful book To Train Up a Child, one can only hope someday we’ll see the banning of it.

THANK YOU for including Shitty Mum on this list. Somebody lent me a copy recently, and I was horrified by some of the things the authors had written (‘babies who die in hot cars only have themselves to blame as they kept you up all night’ is one example), and also believe the attitude towards children is unhelpful, and actually harmful. Good list 🙂

Pretty sure “Shitty Mom” is satire, but perhaps I’m wrong? It’s not meant to be a parenting manual/guide but rather “the use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices” as is the definition of satire.

I felt the same way about shitty mom as I did about the girlfriends guide to pregnancy. I thought some of the bits were funny, but was also horrified at her attitude toward pregnancy and children. I was horrified to then see that she wrote a book about parenting until age 1. I still haven’t gotten the heart to even read it

I’m sure there’s an aspect of satire in her intent, but it’s only funny to people who didn’t cringe when Louis CK referred to his 4 year old as an asshole, on national television. It’s indicative of a terrible mindset that wouldn’t be acceptable as a “satire” toward any other group of un-empowered people.

I don’t know three of the books on your list (thank goodness!), but I do know two. I’m glad to see “What to Expect” on there, and for the reasons you mention. Babywise, though…well, here’s the problem. The folks who claim to be following it and end up with dehydrated children did not truly read the book. They probably skimmed it and didn’t get the whole picture. If you read the entire book, you’ll get it. You’ll understand how everything works together – especially the concept that following your baby’s cues is more important than anything else!! But if you don’t actually read the whole thing, if you just skim it, you come away thinking it says schedules are more important than your baby’s needs. So, for the fact that it can cause harm if not fully understood, I agree it is a bad parenting book. But for those willing to read it and take responsibility and use common sense, it has some great parenting concepts and should not be on this list.

I can see where you’d get that impression. And I know that some folks come away focused a little too much on the clock. But again, any parent using common sense and who is paying attention to their child’s cues, won’t get stuck on those. The authors do make a point that paying attention to what your baby tells you is the most important thing!

I think that is true of ANY parenting book. No matter what the book says, pay attention to your baby. No book is going to be 100% right for anyone.

I agree no book will be 100% right for anyone, BUT there are tons of books talking about paying attention to cues that DON’T include the other advice that people run the risk of looking at. So why not focus on those???

Yma
August 25, 2019 at 11:33 am

Hello, I come to your website often and agree with almost all of what you say. However, I felt compelled to say that I felt disappointed by what you chose to respond to as well as some of your comments in this thread. I’m concerned that the decision to rate the “worst” books make you seem less credible. I get why you did it, but your writing style makes you sound so judgemental. And yeah, I get it, you feel that it’s ok to judge what you perceive to be child abuse. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t disagree with the majority of your assessment. I’m just guessing that you are turning people away with this style. I’m in a group with 8 other moms who have all made difficult decisions about sleep as a result of a multitude of challenges their family faces. It sucks, but modern life doesnt tend to support much of what you are asking of parents, so I think a little compassion is in order. There are other ways to get your point across. Thanks for considering my comments.

I did read the whole book (Babywise) after my son was born and I am very certain that he would have been failure to thrive had a listened to the advice in this book. He needed to feed much more frequently than their recommendations and I did understand the method fully. I think that for some babies it would work, but for others like my son it would have been very damaging.

I think that is the case for ANY parenting book! It will work for some babies/parents and not others. (I have one child who thrives on a schedule, and one who doesn’t.) But just because a book does not work for everyone, does not make it a bad parenting book. (Maybe a bad parenting book for you, but not for everyone!) 🙂

I was given a copy of “On Becoming Babywise” when I was having trouble getting my son to sleep, ever. I didn’t really get the message that you seem to have gotten from it, and I actually swear by the general premise. Mind you, I did also ALWAYS act on my intuition. My son learnt to settle himself and fall asleep within 2 weeks.

[…] really wonderful happened to me today. I shared this article from Evolutionary Parenting on the 5 worst parenting books on my personal Facebook page this afternoon. Not long after that I got a private message from a […]

Put down all the damn books. For heaven sakes, put down the books! Turn around and face your children, get to know them, proceed. The telling bit, all on it’s own, is that anyone would read a book (any book!) on how to raise their own kids! There is NO book that is ever going to be able to tell anyone how to go about raising their kids. That is a personal story between every individual parent and their own unique child. Is there a book out there yet that simply says: trust yourself. It’s scary, kids can be heart-stopping with the scary, but they are also little lights, and for the most part it is going to be completely great. Trust yourself. The End. When that becomes pregnancy and parenting bible then there will be no market for the fear mongering of the Expecting books and children won’t be laying in the their own shit and vomit because some lunatic wrote a book saying they should. It’s one thing to need advice on how to go about, say, soothing a teething child (I use this example because I’m in the first fires of it right now). That is parenting logistics. Sure, get a book. But if you need a book to tell you how to treat your children, then I’d say you have much bigger issues and need to quickly get yourself in front of someone who is going to help you find your own power. I hope the first thing that person says is put the damn books down!

Glad your instincts and ability to understand children is so perfected. I on the other hand was raised by parents who beat us for every infraction, bad attitude, not staying in bed, not eating what we were told etc. I grew up in fear. I was also brainwashed that this was the only way to raise a child, and that people who didn’t treat their children as subordinates were just raising spoiled brats. When I decided I didn’t want to be that kind of parent, I literally knew nothing about child development or how to treat them with respect. My every instinct was faulty, programed to be abusive. I remember feeling helpless and so scared that I would screw up my kids. Those “damn books” on positive gentle parenting were a lifesaver. The awful books on parenting, are usually more tied to a belief system than the idea of a parenting book itself. Education for parents is useful, helpful and needed, in part to drown out the pseudo-educators that excuse abuse.

Your whole response speaks to my final thought. An extreme case that requires more than anything What To Expect is ever going to get you and furthermore, books like What To Expect and it’s fear mongering would be a power strip for someone going tenderly into that which is already such a tender event. I would say your decision to seek help for yourself was a spot on signal that your every instinct to parent was not faulty at all, that it wasn’t destroyed by the people who tried to beat it out of you as a child. Good for you for seeking your power and taking it back!

Melissa, We had the same parents. I needed the La Leche League meetings and every book in the LLL lending library to learn how to be a parent. I devoured everything that Dr. Sears wrote.

Later, in my capacity as a Lactation Consultant, I had reason to denounce the Ezzo’s first book, as I saw several failure-to-thrive babies in succession. In the original book, the “advice” was to feed no more than 7 times in 24 hours. Any more feedings than that, and you were just letting your baby manipulate you. They also told you in the book that if your husband wanted you and your baby was crying to take care of your husband first, as your baby needed to learn to suffer just like Jesus suffered on the cross. I found it hard to believe that Jesus was parented this way, and used that argument successfully for the parents of those failure-to-thrive babies.

I’m with you on these, and the additions, but I’m surprised you left out Dare to Discipline, which opens with a lovely reminiscence by the author of the time his mother got so mad she hit him with her corset. He advocates “breaking” the child, and is the father of the horrifying Pearl book’s philosophy.

Thanks for this list. I read What to Expect with my first but I’ve never read the others (although I have heard of them). Unfortunately, now I want to read them all just to see how terrible they are, which would make the publishers think there is a demand for them causing more bad advice to be printed. Oh, what to do, what to do? (LOL)

what on earth is wrong with just loving, respecting and nurturing another life…I dont need to buy a book to tell me how to do the opposite thanks, so Im really at a loss to see why anyone would read or defend these books! Being a parent is sometimes inconvinient. Thats a fact. But thats just the way it is …feel blessed and get over it. Dont start training your poor baby like a dog so that it makes your life easier. Dont crush their spirt because someone tells you its best. We are here to teach, love, support and guide as parents. Not to punish behaviour and rule by fear. Surley a child who willingly makes a good choice will be a better person than one who does the desired thing because that is what they have been trained without question.

I would add “Dare to Discipline” “Shepherding a child’s heart” anything by Reb Bradly or Roy Lessin. They are all manipulative, fear mongering, and argue that “spanking” your children is the only way to properly raise them. Conservative circles where they read these books would probably be persuaded by a blog warning though, their belief system is too strong to allow them to listen to “outsiders”.

I am from a family of 10 children and have been around babies my whole life. I still read books. I believe the article has been written by someone very ignorant who presumes everyone who reads books is not able to read critically and pick and choose from its contents what is useful and applies to us and ignore what doesn’t. I also can see the presumption from the author that everyone who reads books is as inexperienced as they are, clearly not so as I have always been around babies and still read them. Such a pity that someone who is clearly unable to read a parenting book critically can write an article so useless, designed entirely by a person who wants to be right. It gives me a good insight into the author…. Not a good one I’m afraid.

I’m unclear where that presumption is – when did I state people are inexperienced or unable to read critically? It’s a fact people spend less time with children today than in previous years (and as I focus on an evolutionary perspective, I’m thinking hunter-gatherer societies). I was lucky *not* to be that person as I had tons of experience with kids.

However, you can disagree with the post, but I see no “critical” skills necessary to determine that books advocating methods that can hurt babies need not be promoted. Often the good parts of these books can be found in other parenting books that don’t include risks to harm.

Completely off the mark with What to Expect series, I loved that book as it was so informative and helpful. I used it constantly and no I was terrified. I would rather be aware of what could happen than be totally in the dark.

This list made me so sad. To the point of tears and verging on vomiting. To think that anyone could believe that someone so beautiful and innocent as a baby was evil is horrible to me. And to think of all the babies that suffer, both physically and emotionally from abuse makes my heart ache for them. Sadness is all I feel right now. Utter sadness.

I have noticed that wheneved any blogger brings up the “Babywise” book, there are always people who jump to defend it, but they all seem to be owners of the newer editions, and completly ignore the fact that the blogger has clearly stated that OLDER EDITIONS of this book are what they take issue with!

French Children Don’t Throw Food (a great book) mentions in the French vocabulary that they do not have the expression ‘crying it out’ rather they listen to their babies cries and respond appropriately. I believe this is the point of Tizzie Hall’s Save Our Sleep. The message I took from it was to really listen and look at my baby. My babies have never cried every half hour for a feed and if they did i would be seriously quetioning why. My 3 children (3.5, 2 and 9mths) are all very happy contented babies because their needs are being met around the clock – they are fed, they are cuddled and loved and they all sleep through the night in their own beds. I have NEVER read the claim to leaving your child screaming for long periods if they are in distress, nor anything about leaving them in their own vomit and faeces. Regardless, this book helped me and my family and many others I know of too. If it doesn’t work for you then don’t use it but don’t begrudge someone else that finds some help in it either. Motherhood does not necessarily come naturally to everyone (shock, horror!) and some books are a huge help to first, second and even third time mums. I often wonder why a lot of women need to justify their parenting skills by being so viciously opinionated, self-righteous and judgemental. What is that teaching their children?

What to Expect When You’re Expecting didn’t scare me, thank goodness. I only read it when I got to each particular month just to understand what was going on in my belly. But I think being that I am very anti conformity helped me not to believe every single thing I read. I researched breast feeding and circumcision thoroughly thru alternate sources and we are very proudly AP here!!

The people who wrote books like SOS should be thrown in jail for child abuse! It’s documented, admitted child abuse! It’s absolutely disgusting! Our country is completely ass backwards! How is it that swatting your kid on the ass is considered child abuse while this is considered “a tangible option for sleep training!?!”

Regarding the Ezzo books – Mr. Ezzo is a pastor. He is not a baby expert, he is a pastor. His first editions were very strongly worded and described infants as evil & manipulative (I read every word.) He said no baby should be fed more then 7 times a day, and only every 3.5-4hours only. He had so much rubbish in there it was unbelievable. Pediatricians across the country were seeing a large upswing on slow growing babies & failure to thrive cases. So many of these cases were traced back to restrictive feeding & “PDF” schedules that te AAP issued a statement. Ezzo has changed his reccomendations at least three times in different editions (3.5-4hr intervals / 3/3.5hrs, finally arriving I believe at 2-3hr intervals.)

I had read, but would like to do more research on this, that Ezzo was excommunicated from his church and his adult children have a difficult estranged relationship with him. Deffenatley a parenting example I’d like to emulate!

So, yes, the latest edition is not has strongly worded or restrictive or problem causing. (the first editions did NOT reccomend any individuality or following instincts or using clocks as guides.) But it has and is doing harm from the earlier editions still around and being read.

As an Australian mum who bedshares with my baby, I think you will find a large number of parents cosleep but it just isn’t talked about. A CHN has, in a round about way, told me that she thinks it is natural and how it can be done safely.
Also, I think a safe sleeping area can be interpreted as using a cosleeping aid that is placed on the parent’s bed. I still consider that bedsharing.

I am the proud mom to 5 children. I have two 16 year olds (boy/girl), two 13 year olds (boy/boy) and a 7 year old. I was also a teen mom (not bragging but it is relevant). When my 1st was born, I hadn’t a clue what to do! I hand’t the proper foundation in my own life, how was I going to parent? Well, I was very fortunate. It came naturally (now I am bragging). I breastfed my son and coslept as well. I took safety percautions (slept on the couch where I couldn’t physically roll over on him) and when he cried, I held him, soothed him, for I could feel the pain he was feeling and couldn’t bear it (I adopted my now 16 year old daughter a few years later). When my child would have a tantrum (very, very rare) as a toddler, I would say “I need you to go into your room until you’re ready to talk. Mommy can’t talk to you when you’re crying” and he would go into his room, never for more than 30 seconds, and come back to talk to mama. I never had use for spankings. When he touched something he wasn’t supposed to, I said “NO. You do NOT touch that” in a firm, low voice, while looking him right in the eye. If he touched it again, I would again say no, but direct his attention to something else, making it easier for him to see his options. I picked him up and held him when he was hurt until he stopped needing me to (it’s a different age with every child) and ALWAYS followed through. No always means no. It cannot be changed (though with teens, no’s can be altered or negotiated on occasion). I have been getting compliments on the behavior of my children for 16 years. They’re now teenagers, and no manual can help. Each of them are individual and must be disciplined/praised individually. In a generation where children refuse to respect their peers, themselves or others, my children respect themselves and everyone else. I hear testimony of their respectful behavior at every parent teacher conference, football game, wrestling match, drama production and choir concert (I’m regularly approached by other parents and teachers alike). I’m a very strict parent but NEVER hit. Instead, I remove privlages. Example: my daughter was making poor choices. I removed all of her make up, nail polish, perfum, hair styling products and instruments for 90 days. It helps to be creative. My eldest son gave me a really hard time about doing his kitchen chore (his way of paying off the vehicle we purchased for him) so I sentenced him to 30 days “hard labor” where he will clean the entire kitchen and bathroom every day for a month. The purpose? To help him think about how he communicates with his parents and to help him feel grateful that the dishes, and floor sweeping, are all he’s currently responsible for. I personally couldn’t take it if my teens were swearing and posting videos of fights on facebook. It would break my heart. They still break my heart, all kids do. The number one piece of advice I could ever give any parent is to ALWAYS follow through. Children crave boundaries. I see children out of control and think “That must be so stressful for them, not having parents to draw clear boundaries and protect their emotions”. It’s all about boundaries. I may have doled out 2 or 3 spankings, never out of anger and never to cause pain. The assholes who wrote the listed books are just that, assholes. Let’s love our children and create a better world 🙂

You lumped “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” in with that Tizzy vomit book (which I haven’t read, but sounds awful). It has been some years since I read the book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child”, but for me it was a welcome voice of reason when I was surrounded by people advocating Babywise type advice. I only read the first few chapters word for word because a good part of the book has chapters devoted to specific situations, so I only read what was relevant to me. With my first baby, because of “Babywise” input (which I never really agreed with, but still, it got in my head) I worried too much about creating “sleep props” by nursing before naps. By my second I decided to not worry at all about when I nursed but just stick with a nap routine, when possible. I read the Sleep Habits book when my second was 7-8 months old, not because we were having issues really but I had a few friends who had liked it. It reinforced what I has found to be true, that it doesn’t really matter how you get them to sleep, but naps are important. I never noticed him suggesting that a parent not show affection. I appreciated the use of facts, the flexibility based on the individual baby and how you parent. There may be some things to filter, but I would still recommend this book to those who want to learn more about sleep needs.

i think thats a pretty gross exageration about the save our sleep book. Tizzie doesnt advocate letting your child ‘cry it out’. She educates parents that there are different cries your child will make. One is like a temper tantrum and varies in pitch, another is an emotional cry, sobbing and she directs parents to go to your child if they are emotionally crying.
My baby is down to waking once a night from 4 times a night. Im a better mother when i have had adequate sleep. I sing to her, play with her and just generally enjoy her more which she in turn gets a ‘fun’ mum.
Some things i would not take as gospel like the number of blankets or leaving my child in her spew but i think Tizzie’s routine has saved my household alot of sleepless nights and everyone is alot happier, baby included!!

If “following your baby’s cues is more important than anything else” (and I agree that it is), what the heck do you need the rest of the book for???
Following your baby’s cues means NOT trying to manipulate them onto a schedule dictated by anything other than their needs. Period. An author adding that statement in as a “disclaimer” is patently absurd when the rest of their book is advocating the complete opposite. And I am surprised that there are parents here arguing for its validity.

Likewise the statement, “take what you can use and leave the rest”. It isn’t about what works for one may not work for another, if *any of the advice is harmful, it’s a bad book. Otherwise every book could be viewed as offering valuable advice with the simple inclusion of the phrase “love your child”.

[…] about. While there may be some good parenting books out there, there are many bad ones. Check out this list of the five worst parenting books doing more harm than good. There’s even a book advocating you whack your child with tree […]

Baby Wise is hands down one of the best books Ive EVER read. Breast fed both kids for one year and both sleeping through the night by 8 weeks. If your illiterate or not a good reader then don’t read because you might not feed your kids. Pretty much the only way your little one could be harmed. I’m pretty educated and for me this was simple and beautiful.

Love this article, I think every parent-to-be should read this to know which books to avoid. I’ve never heard of the book that is number 1, but have to say I am appalled that a book like that can be out there.
I have to say I am so glad to see What to expect on the list, though. I read it while pregnant and also have the one about What to expect the first year and I absolutely hate both, I have never been able to understand why these books are so popular, you hit the nail on the head with how What to expect would make any mom super-paranoid.

I read and used the information of two of these books, “What to expect…” and “Babywise” (I don’t remember which edition), with both my children, who are now 7 and 13 yrs. old. What can I say? My experience with both books was very positive and so far my kids have been fine… I used the “What to expect…” book much more with my first child and I thought at the time that I was getting valuable information, it actually helped me to not feel too anxious. I used Babywise for the idea of setting a routine and my first son started to sleep through the night by the time he was 2 mo. old. My second child by the time he was 4 mo. old. I breastfed them both for 14 months and, in our case, to stick to a routine really helped. We did not do everything we read in the book, but we adapted what we agree with to our situation and it worked. At the time we recommended the book to other couples with young kids, some found it useful and other did not. I was really surprised to see these books in this list.

I never read any of these books when I was pregnant even though I was absolutely terrified about expecting and being a parent. Then my husband passed away and I still didn’t read them, being then in an even worse situation – a single mother. My child without incidence, without hassle and without stress from baby nor mom fell into a beautiful rhythm and routine and is now, as a two year old, a balanced, funny, calm and sleep-loving kid. No need for books – they just confuse you. Chill out, be calm and enjoy the ride. They will grow up anyways books or no books.

U N B E L I E V A B L E ! !
The only book on your list that i have read is no.4 (in part) while I was pregnant – tossed it aside after about 3 weeks.
Got some very strange looks at anti-natal classes when I told the class that I was NOT reading any pregnancy books as they were all so negative & that I had just decided to go with the flow. I must add that I had the easiest pregnancy – no morning sickness, no heartburn, none of the usual complaints……just breezed through it (at the age of 41!)……..not reading any books…..maybe??
Only positive parenting books for me now, ones that teach ME how to understand my 4 year old, teach her & allow her to become the person she was born to be.