Buzzword Bingo

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The Buzzword Bingo forum is a place to post examples of ludicrous,
convoluted and meaningless buzzwords and marketing drivel dreamed up by those seeking to sound
more important and meaningful than they actually are.

We are developers, which means our job is to simplify complicated and ill-expressed requirements
in order to produce something elegant and useful. If you want to impress us then please just tell it
to us straight. The less pre-processing we have to do the more we will be interested.

E.g. "The Business will have to decide what it wants to do". The definition of "The Business" changes every time it is used. It could mean the CEO it could mean the Project Management team, it could mean the board.

"You should let The Business know about that project" I always ask for their current definition of the business.

I heard a user describe a new piece of software the business is buying as 'drag and drop'.

Or to paraphrase what he said "it's a good piece of software it's drag and drop".
In my previous job, the head of the department was always raving about how great the software was because it was 'drag and drop'.

This is why software should not be left to users to design, what the software does bears no relevance to it's worth.
All that seems to matter is some superficial aspect of the user interface.

I think I am going to invent a new term for user interfaces for extracting data - "squeeze and dump".
It says it all really - the crap you put into the system will be dumped into a file type of your choosing.

“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”

1) Any use in the plural - as in "These key pivots" - because if you have multiple pivots you will be eccentric and unstable.

2) Actually you mean "Fulcrum" if you are using a lever metaphor, which is nearly always the case. Also - why do managers use the lever metaphor to imply getting something for nothing? You aren't - you are swapping distance for force....oh wait, maybe I see now.

In stores in my country you often see signs saying: "Discount: Save -25%" and "A discount of -25% are withdrawn at checkout". I always avoid such arithmetic discounts and insist on going for only 100% checkouts when in the grocery store and elsewhere. I feel that 125% is sligthly over the top

At a past company our CEO liked to use this saying "Win the War and THEN Fight the Battle". It used to drive a colleague of mine (a developer) absolutely mad when he was told to "Win the war and then fight the battle" during a project or when he was being rebuked.

In addition to this I made sure that the saying appeared in various places around the office, his start up screen, desktop, screensaver, posters in the office... I even got his mother to post one on his bedroom door... was especially proud of that achievement.

The war is convincing/threatening/bullying your workforce until 95% of them agree with you. You can then focus on the battle of wearing down (demoralising until they leave?) the 5% that know that you're talking crap.

Then, and only then, can you take your position on the company throne (so to speak)

How do you know so much about swallows? Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

On a more "serious" note ... sorry ... it's to do with the way people read/listen & remember. If you look at it quickly and do not notice the contradiction, you'll probably only remember the "or more". And even if you've got a good memory the 30% will stick in your mind. But the "up to" your mind might just throw away as if it's an "Uh" at the start of a sentence. Obviously not everybody - you're one of the exceptions, but enough so this type of thing tends to work.

So simple answer: to catch as many customers while still being able to say that the ad isn't lying. Read that sentence carefully, take special note of the comma before "and more". It turns it into an open-ended statement which could mean everything and/or nothing, depending on how they want to spin their situation.

Many many many years ago, my first year in college, I was made to take English Composition, a required core course for Freshman. Along with various style of writing, we were, more importantly, taught to read, and by proxy, listen.

What was really said? Political speeches, at least good ones, mean all things positive to all people, even when the listeners actually disagree. Advertising and other such actions designed to get you to buy something by implication, innuendo, and, of course, idiocy, are actually the parent concept of the political speech. Meanwhile, for me, some good mentors during my chemistry days, reinforced that to analysis upon claims and proofs (particularly those popular in the broadcast media). Wherever you may be, by now you must have heard me screaming in outrage and disbelief whilst in front of the idiot-box.

After all, "More CP readers recommend my posts!"

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein

"As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error." - Weisert

"If you are searching for perfection in others, then you seek disappointment. If you are seek perfection in yourself, then you will find failure." - Balboos HaGadol Mar 2010

Exactly. It's not that people can't distinguish between blatantly false innuendo and the truth. It's that (if not most) enough do not, so they're caught by such. And thus it is used in ads (and as you say politics).

The one that really annoys me is when a supermarket has some really dumb product selling with a special offer of "3 for £2" then right next to it is the product you want that has a special offer of "3 for 2" - I have been caught out, a couple of times, on that one

“That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”

It's not the same thing. At a meeting, you can just show up, tune out and go to sleep peacefully. At a workshop you feel pressured into actually making a small (but insignificant) contribution, thus being forced to stay awake. Sneaky tactics if you ask me!

Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephantAnonymous----- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experienceGreg King----- I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.Lily Tomlin, Actress

It went over their heads. I was asked "What are the 'key learnings' here? we need 'talking points' for the clients", to which I said "Tell them we test our software to make sure it will work properly."

They were not amused.

As a programmer/analyst, how does one communicate with the marketing types?

You are making a common misconception, marketing is NOT sales, you are talking about sale people and while I have a low opinion of their morals some of them are bloody smart. Marketing on the other hand - I have no idea what they actually do!

Oh, I know. Once upon a time I was standing in front of a poster advertising a product from my employer back then. I was wondering why I had to work on a project that was somewhat less awesome than the thing they were advertising. Then they told me that this was the thing I was working on. The guy from sales just stood nearby and grinned.

I actually don't really think that they are dumb, but they definitely live in their own world which often does not have much to do with my reality.