In my years on this earth, I have played Bunco all of two times. It’s a game that requires little-to-no skill other than the ability to roll dice, looking at what numbers are on said dice, and eating snacks. There are a lot of snacks involved, which means it’s my kind of game. Basically it works like this – in my beginner experience: there are three tables of four people. Tables range from winners to losers to extra losers (my terms, not theirs), and you all sit and roll dice. First you shoot for ones, then twos, and so on. After each round, winners (whoever got more of the designated number) moves up to a higher table, while losers move down. Simple enough, right? It’s also pretty fun. Get all three of the number you’re after and it’s a Bunco, or get all three of a different number and it’s […]

Crowds are the worst. Like, terrible to deal with. Add on sales or the threat of not getting the perfect gift (at the perfect price), and the mobs get even angrier. Which, in turn, makes me angrier. It’s also why, this holiday season, I’ll be doing much of my shopping online via Amazon (why yes I’ll take household goods, gifts, and non-perishable snacks all in the same delivery). Or at Orschlens, that place has everything … minus the people. It’s usually full of farmer’s who are nice and open the door for short women and when I say “full” I mean maybe there is five to nine, depending on the time of day. Anyway, I hate crowds and encourage others to do the same. This holiday season, keep yourself around the people you actually want to be around by: Saying No It’s ok to “let people down.” In fact, as long as you’re up-front […]

Someone once told me that being 28 is the worst age they’d ever been. That it was young enough no one took them seriously, but old enough to still sound old. And now that I’ve been every age to the one I am now, which is, you guessed it, 28, I’m going to have to agree. My number of years old is terrible. Why? Because it’s right in the middle of everything – where I’m not yet experienced enough to gain respect for being alive, nor am I young enough to be given newb treatment. Things are expected of me, and the ability to give advice is not one of them. That’s still beyond my years … not that should be confused with responsibilities. Which are coming in hot. People who are younger than me think I’m reaching dino status. And those older wonder why I don’t have four kids […]

In just two short days, I will be turning a certain number of years old. And I’m pretty pumped about it. Because who doesn’t love birthdays, really? Sure it’s not fun to turn old(er), but as a wise lady named Dear Prudie once said, “You only feel old because it’s the oldest you’ve ever been.” But it IS fun to celebrate. Not because I think I’m a huge deal, but because I’m always looking for a good excuse. Especially when it’s to have fun. So what am I doing this year to celebrate? First off, thanks for asking. Second of all, all kinds of things. On the actual day, I’m wearing a fancy dress and being taken out by Bo. For his work event that just so happens to fall on my day of birth. Where I’ll get to be confused by how much silverware there is to use. Fill […]

In the past few weeks, I’ve made some expensive mistakes. I dropped my iPhone and shattered it into a level of non-readability. I did some accidental trick driving in the snow, and pushed my radiator support clips* into the ground, not upright and working properly. And then I missed a flight, for the first time ever. In total, the above added up to some serious mullah (I’m not counting on purpose, so don’t ask). But they’ve also required me to live like a real ratchet-ass. Like not having a car. And carrying a phone charger 24-hours a day (outlet and car versions), to juice-up my replacement phone twice per day. I walked multiple miles to a gas station to buy lotto tickets and booze, which were then stashed in my coat. In the morning time. It did wonders for my self-esteem. Really, until the third event, I was doing pretty […]

When a lady reaches a certain age (above 21), she gets used to not having to recite her birthdate every place she goes. Sure bouncers, liquor stores, or skeevy guys making sure they’re not hitting on scouts from To Catch a Predator will usually inquire. But the rest of the time, you just live your life … age aside. So when you get asked how old you are … a lot … while on vacation, it’s a little, umm, surprising. It’s even more surprising when every time you answer you hear, “No you’re not.” “You’re lying.” And “there’s no way!” Like my age is too old for how old I actually am. Sure it’s a little flattering – accidental humblebrag right there – but when everyone guffaws continuously, it makes you wonder what in the crap is wrong with you. Like your face hasn’t caught up with your birthdate. Or […]

When I was 18, my Dad took me gambling, in which I was a straight up newb. It was the first of a two-time event in which I learned just how crappy I am at losing money. Apparently, when the stakes are high, I can’t function, and when the stakes are medium, I’d rather be doing 15,000 other things. To celebrate me graduating high school, the entire family went on a weeklong cruise in the Gulf of Mexico. And since we were on international waters, 18 was all the older I needed to be to waste money. To get my money-betting feet wet, my Dad traded in $20 for nickels, handed me the cup, and sent me on my way. Though in hindsight, I have no idea why he didn’t give me more direction. How can my Dad, AKA Wonk (which is actual nickname from his friends, BTW – mine […]