amino

An amino (noun) is a furry animal typically found in urban, suburban, exurban, rural and wilderness areas. The species’ range includes all of South America, North America, Africa, Europe, Asia and Australia. It’s not particularly fond of Antarctica, but aminoes have been known to use that continent as a tax haven.

The average male amino is about 50 percent larger than average male American white-footed mouse. However, don’t mention to any male amino that you think it’s average. Studies show that 89.47 percent of all male alminoes believe that they are better than average when it comes to anything and everything.

The average female amino is about 25 percent larger and heavier than the average male amino. You’d be well advised to not mention this to female aminoes because most of them are quite sensitive about their size. Apparently, there isn’t yet an amino cover of the song It’s All About That Bass.

As a result of this sensitivity, when told that they are large, female aminoes tend to become quite petulant. And if you’ve never seen a petulant female amino you’re about average for a human.

The fur of the amino is pure white from head to toe. They usually hold this over American white-footed mice, which have only white feet. This chiding tends to really rile up some American white-footed mice in the American south, many of whom still harbour some white supremacist views, even if they’ve made attempts to sublimate their bigotry for political correctness purposes.

Aminoes are usually herbivores. However, they will almost always make exceptions when presented with perfectly pan-seared scallops served in a herbed butter sauce. They are also partial to Lobster Thermidor, particularly when served with a high-priced champagne.

The amino population has exploded in urban areas because of their cuteness. Many people mistake them for albino gerbils and adopt them thinking that, even if they are pests, albino gerbils must be worth something on the open market. However, be warned. Aminoes’ food preferences make them expensive pets.

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