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Could some one edit my Motivation Letter?

Hello,
I have read some motivation letter sample in this forum and by using the I wrote a motivation letter
Could you edit it?
Thank you

To whom it may concern:
I am writing in response to the vacancy for PhD position in ??? at the ???. I respectfully submit this letter of application, for I believe my academic and professional experiences are well qualified to meet the needs of the project.

I have gained my master degree in Information Technology from Shiraz University, Iran. My thesis was entitled “Software Fault Prediction Based on Code Dependency by Data Mining”. As a part of my contribution in my thesis, I have proposed a new software tool that helps software developers in testing phase. In this research, firstly I have extracted the dependency graph of code and after analyze the graph; I have discovered unusual patterns based on different graph models which in the errors could be predicted. My Master’s dissertation was an opportunity to demonstrate my enhanced writing skills and my ability to collate both analytical data and factual information. The Master enabled me to underline the practical skills gained through academic and part-time work, with theoretical knowledge. As a result, this affords me a strong advantage as I can offer the breadth of skills that you seek as well as relevant knowledge of graph modeling techniques and network analysis. Prior to having my master degree, I got a bachelor in Computer Engineering, from Yazd University, Iran. My bachelor project was in AI field about using reinforcement learning intelligent algorithms in network routing. In this project, the algorithm has learnt based on dependency of computer network graph.

The time, I was working on my master thesis, my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. I discussed a lot with the medical team why they could not identify the disease from its symptoms sooner, the doctor told me if they had had an advanced tool that could estimate the brain test result based on the previous normal and abnormal patterns, and they may have diagnosed the brain illness earlier. Due to this bad accidence, I suggested my master supervisor to run my project also on the medical data. The topic of my thesis was about analyzing the dependency graph of software systems and finding patterns that can predict defective and non-defective components of code, it could be completely matched with analyzing real medical data to find the patterns that indicate illnesses. My proposal was not agreed because of the limitations in the university rules therefore I could not change my thesis topic. After that, my supervisor recommended me to work on medical-based project in my further educations.

Being a part time instructor for under graduate students gives me the confidence to face a crowd and present my views in front of a large audience in the best way. I have been teaching C, C++ and Java Programming and Matlab for two years in Information Technology Institute and Information Technology Incorporation.

I have been very active in both my academic and professional career in parallel. I have gained an interdisciplinary experience which enables me to pursue my PhD studies in medicine topics. I find this field very interesting because of understanding analyzing graphs and knowing how to handle it as an essential element of what it means to be literate in medicine world. I believe, if I have the opportunity to work on medicine related data, I can fulfill the right to patients who have a mental disease.

I believe with these research and technical values that I possess, pursuing a PhD will add more to it and expose me more to areas where measuring and modeling graphs and networks knowledge are relevant and in addition, put into practice what I have learnt so far. I look forward to hear from you soon. Thank you very much for your consideration.