I think most kids can figure out about how much fun it is(n't) to eat poop without any help from us.

I came in here to say pretty much this. If there's a toddler who hasn't smeared their own poop on something at some point, I haven't met one. One of my friends toddlers managed to lock himself in the bathroom, and in the short time it took her to pick the lock, he had smeared his shiitake all over the walls, counters, bathtub, and she said it looked like he had tried to wipe with a tube of her lipstick.

_________________"The Tree is His Penis"

The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear

I think most kids can figure out about how much fun it is(n't) to eat poop without any help from us.

I came in here to say pretty much this. If there's a toddler who hasn't smeared their own poop on something at some point, I haven't met one. One of my friends toddlers managed to lock himself in the bathroom, and in the short time it took her to pick the lock, he had smeared his shiitake all over the walls, counters, bathtub, and she said it looked like he had tried to wipe with a tube of her lipstick.

Last babysitting job ever - twin boys did this.

_________________A whole lot of access and privilege goes into being sanctimonious pricks J-DubDessert is currently a big bowl of sanctimonious, passive aggressive vegan enduced boak. FezzaYou people are way less funny than Pandacookie. Sucks to be you.-interrobang?!

The day I realized what I had gotten myself into (as a parent) was the day I said "Well, at least there isn't too much shiitake on the wall." As those words left my mouth I realized that the optimal level of feces on the wall for any reasonable person is zero.

I guess we should outlaw kids. I mean, if all the crazy asparagus regulations we need are "for the kids" (no equal marriage, violent movies are bad, etc.) if we just outlawed kids it looks liek things would take care of themselves.