Vatican Releases Official Guide to Understanding “Francis Speak”

(July 1, 2014) A-CNN Special Report – Vatican Office of Information and the Congregation for the Discipline of Cryptic Vernacular announces the: “Official Papal Guide to Understanding “Francis Speak” the New Universal Language of the Church.”

The revolutionary new and “OfficialGuide to Understanding the New Universal Language of the Church” given to us by Pope Francis is a compendium translator for his brilliant and unique complexities common to his linguistic phenomena and is currently under final review by the editors and theologians of the Congregation for the Discipline of Cryptic Vernacular. The completed project will be presented to Pope Francis prior to the October Synod and upon his approval will be made available to the public sometime in November of 2014.

This Opus Magnus Lexicon represents the most extensive work that the Vatican Congregation for the Discipline of Cryptic Vernacular (CDCV) has produced to date although it is evolutionary and will remain as such, a continuing work in progress. Coming from and in response to various sectors of the religious community as well as from secular quarters of society there has been and still is a growing curiosity if not an urgent need to clarify dogmatically and specifically what is to be understood within the commonly called “off the cuff” elocutions, phone calls and informal interviews produced and published which apparently do incorporate the new language communicative preferences of Pope Francis.

To meet this challenge the CDCV has dedicated much time and effort in producing this Official Guide to what is now commonly called, “Francis Speak”. The challenge was to properly transpose into a more simplified universal text the Pope’s actual meaning and the precise definitions of his words as they are meant to be understood. It is, after all, no secret that Pope Francis is the most misunderstood Pope in post-Conciliar history.

A Vatican Official who spoke to me in anonymity has admitted that some confusion in the Vatican Public Relations Department exists and that Vatican spokespersons now feel relieved and confident knowing that the work of the CDCV will remedy much of the undue anxiety. He went on to say, “we really need to know just exactly what the true meaning and context is when the Pope’s speaks oftentimes in his preferred new and mysterious neo-cryptic verbiage.”

The Etymological Contradictions in the Sects:

It is indeed understandable that one so intellectually graced with extraordinary ability can be oftentimes misunderstood especially when he speaks with authority in a manner still very new and not commonly used among the plebeian communities. It might also be that his combining genius and humility disallows him from presenting himself as some lofty aristocracy might be inclined.

The greatest criticisms seem to be coming from those who cling to the Latin Mass known as Traditionalists and also from some in the more conservative wing of the neo-Catholic communities. Those who are the least progressive do seem to have problems understanding the Holy Father, while, conversely, those who are the most liberal of progressives have no problem whatsoever.

An unidentified Vatican Official said, “In theory, once the work of the CDCV becomes a common praxis the new universal language of the neo-Catholic Church will become the official living international linguistic preference replacing the old, dead and stiff Latin language.” This, of course, is exactly how tradition is supposed to evolve in the living hermeneutics of modern continuity.

Advantages of a Living Universal Language:

“Francis Speak” has the distinct advantage of being a living evolutionary language adaptable for all the ecumenical inter-denominations that make up the Church Universal. Having been tested and proven as a successful form of common vernacular particularly used among the charismatic communities it only needed to be transposed into the practical neo-Church literary documents, liturgical norms and rubrics in the Novus Ordo. There appears to be much anxious enthusiasm present among the progressive magisterium but, the waiting, we’ve been told, will be well worth the time spent in its production. The new universal language of neo-Church will advance the work set out in the Second Vatican Council to renew and replace the old with a new Church for a new modern world where mercy replaces the rigidity of cold dogmatic dictation.

Official Papal Guide to Francis Speak Apps and Operators Manual:

The CDCV has, because of the age of the “I”-Phone, developed software Apps that will be compatible with most Apple and Microsoft products. Simply order online the free Vatican CDCV download plugin “Francis Speak” and enter your registration information and regional language preference. When the popup appears click on run, allow and follow the prompts. When completed the CDCV icon will appear on your desktop and you will be good to go after restarting your device. Your security is safe and the Vatican will not share your personal information but you must be sure to click on “agree” to proceed. The Operators Manual and other features and links are included in the free download package.

The Vatican Research and Development Department of the Congregation for the Discipline of Cryptic Vernacular (CDCV) Acknowledgements:

The Vatican Research and Development Department of the Congregation for the Discipline of Cryptic Vernacular wishes to acknowledge the great contribution made by the Catholic Charismatic and Interdenominational Ecumenical League in helping to bring this work to fruition. Much of the original confusion and misunderstanding was resolved with the expertise of the special Charismata Experts who generously provided the needed tongues interpretations.

Once it was determined that Pope Francis was speaking with the gift of the spirit commonly known as speaking in tongues it required others who could accurately interpret the cryptic verbiage and the Catholic Charismatic and Interdenominational Ecumenical League provided that valuable resource.

We also want to thank and recognize the close cooperation given to us by the Ecumenical College of the Occult and Astrological Sciences who generously shared with us many surreptitious documents and worked tirelessly with the CDCV in order to provide cross-reference material which illumined some of the details associated with the broader research and final development of the texts.

We are also grateful for the many volunteers and contributing experts whose generosity in time and talent provided us with various esoteric and gnostic information so vital to the completion and accuracy of this extensive revolutionary project. Welcome to the peoples’ new Pentecostal Universal Church and the new age, post-conciliar “Francis Speak”.