Paltrow and Martin Finalize Divorce

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are expected to file divorce papers. The
news comes just a year after the couple took to the internet to explain
their “conscious uncoupling.”

Conscious Uncoupling

Conscious uncoupling immediately became a trendy phrase and mind-thought
regarding divorce as soon as Paltrow announced the separation from husband
and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin. The announcement hit her lifestyle
site Goop.com and instantly became part of our internet-era lexicon. Rather
than a hostile break up of a marriage, “conscious uncoupling”
is meant to be a more gentle process of unlinking.

An essay about “conscious uncoupling” written by Drs.Habib
Sadeghi and Sherry Sami accompanied Paltrow and Martin’s annoucement.
The two doctors specialize in combining Eastern and Western medicine.
Their argument maintains that expectations around having a life-long-lasting
marriage need to evolve along with humans’ expanded life expectancy.
The “success” of a marriage should be defined by looking at
how meaningful and fulfilling the relationship is for both partners instead
of judging the “success” by how long a marriage stays together.

M. Gary Neuman, psychotherapist, marriage expert, and creator of the Neuman
Method, considers the couple as the center of the family. Thus, “conscious
uncoupling” de-centers the family.

Keeping the Bliss Alive

According to a study done by American and European researchers who tracked
1,761 people who got married and stayed married over 15 years, newlyweds
only have two years to enjoy the special bliss that their marriage brings.
After that, couples move into a relationship that is more about companionship.
While some couples were happy with this companionship, some couples felt
that it was a signal that something was wrong. Here are some ways to keep
the spark in the marriage according to the Neuman Method:

Have new experiences – this can mean signing up for a class together,
or attending a lecture. You want to have new experiences that you can
share with each other.

Travel together – There’s nothing more exciting than discovering
a new place with each other.

It’s all about surprises and thoughtfulness – flowers or simple
little texts to say “I love you” throughout the day are great
little reminders and often the things missed

Turn down the noise of social media, cell phones, work, etc… At
some point you need to disconnect from the rest of the world and focus
on that one other person.

Pay attention to the little things – These little things go a long
way. Remember all the little things you use dto do at the beginning of
the relationship? Why not continue to do them?

Still, marriage can be a difficult thing to keep fresh. People grow apart
and separate. Many different factors play into this – kids, work,
etc… If anything, “conscious uncoupling” indicates
a more holistic approach when it comes to thinking about the divorce process,
and one that fits in with the practice of a collaborative divorce.

Collaborative Divorce

Family lawyer Nathalie Boutet considers that from a legal standpoint, “conscious
uncoupling” is indicative of a divorce. As she explained, amicable
and collaborative divorces allow couples to avoid any unnecessary conflict.
This type of conflict prolongs and publicizes negotiations, explained
Boutet. According to her, “[Conscious uncoupling] is simply thinking
about the consequences of your actions…it’s making plans
rather than reacting to emotions like fear, anger or revenge.”

During a collaborative divorce process a team of four people—lawyers
for each spouse, a mental health coach and financial professional –
work together to create a workable solution for each spouse regarding
child support and visitation, spousal support, and marital property division.
Because the collaboration is done face to face, each spouse is able to
voice his or her own opinion. The process allows people to come to an
emotional, financial, and legal solution.

Less Expensive and Less Time Spent

Collaborative divorces can also mean less money spent on the divorce process.
According to Jenkins, when a divorce goes to trial, you can pay $100,000
just to get to the courthouse steps. But an average collaborative divorce
costs about $32,000. “People are raiding their retirement accounts
just to pay for divorces,” said Rackham Karlsson, a collaborative
attorney. “Going to court can be more expensive, more time intensive
and corrosive for children.”

The average collaborative divorce takes three to four months to reach a
settlement whereas divorce cases that go to trial can drag on for years.
Because it’s up to a judge to come to a final decision, there is
little control over timing and outcome when it comes to a divorce case
that enters divorce court.

Alternative to Standard Divorce Process

There are numerous reasons why collaborative divorce is a perfect alternative
to a standard divorce. If a couple is capable of working through a divorce
through collaboration and working with various professionals, they are,
in the long run, able to save time, money, and a lot of headaches.

Irreconcilable Differences

Paltrow and Martin were married for 11 years and are expected to be citing
irreconcilable differences as their reason for ending their marriage.

In most states, “irreconcilable differences” is a reason for
which a person is able to file for divorce. Filing “irreconcilable
differences” typically means there is no hope the couple will be
able to resolve the problems they have and save the marriage. Some states
use the term ” irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.” It’s
important to note that each state has different requirements regarding
filing for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences. You will
want to work with a divorce attorney to learn your state’s specific
laws regarding grounds for marriage.

In California, which is a no-fault state, irreconcilable differences serves
as grounds for divorce. “No-fault” means that neither party
is at fault for the end of the marriage. So neither spouse is able to
be found “guilty” for committing any sort of extenuating act,
such as adultery, abandonment or extreme cruelty.

It makes sense that Paltrow and Martin are citing irreconcilable differences
as the couple seems to have maintained friendly relations despite the
end of their marriage. This is extremely important for couples that share children.

Co-Parenting

Co-parenting is a crucial part of ending a marriage. It seems that the
parents of Apple and Moses have managed to work out a co-parenting relationship.

What is co-parenting and how can you do it effectively? It’s often
the child or the children that take it the hardest when it comes to divorce.
Co-parenting is a completely new way of living your life. You might need
to consult a therapist or lawyer to work out an arrangement. Regardless
of what you decide, you’re going to have to dig deep and find an
approach to this new way of life.

Kids Interests First

To be a successful parent, and thus “co-parent” you will need
to put child’s best interests above your own and forge an amicable
relationship with your ex. You two don’t need to be besties, you
just need to find a way to make this new relationship work.

This can be done in a number of ways:

Work out a method of communication – via text or email

Remove the emotion

Work out a schedule

Be flexible

Commit to cooperating

Once you have an agreement regarding your co-parenting situation, just
know that it will not always be easy.

Working with a Family Law Attorney

Divorce can be an emotionally difficult time. A divorce attorney can help.
A family law attorney will be able to help you through various aspects,
including drafting a separation agreement, decisions on children, determining
spousal support, and dividing marital property should you decide to divorce.
Your family law attorney will also be able to advise you on your state’s
specific laws regarding property division, child support, and alimony.

If you decide to hire a family law attorney lawyer to help with your divorce,
it’s important to choose one that will be a good fit for you and
your situation. When considering a lawyer for a collaborative divorce,
you’ll want to align yourself with one that will represent you in
the way you want to be represented. That can either be in an aggressive
fashion, or more laid back. You will want to look at your situation and
all the aspects of your marriage that will need to be decided and agreed
to. A lawyer will be able to advise you on all the things you might not
be aware of. This includes marital property division, child custody, and
how these decisions will also affect you when it comes to tax season.
They can advise on co-parenting schedules and how to work out child custody
and alimony agreements. Working with a family law attorney will help you
receive a fair divorce settlement.

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