Most of us don’t even scratch the surface of knowing who we really are, let alone figuring out what we have the potential to become. We are so confused that we keep oscillating between overconfidence and low self-esteem. One minute we are filled with a definite purpose for life and the next we move to the opposite end of the spectrum and are completely desolate.

Knowing ourselves better is a boon to our lives. We’re able to make smarter decisions about what’s best for us. We’re able to create more satisfying lives – lives that are based on our core values and personal priorities.

Often our identities contain a lot of “shoulds”. In other words, we strive to be what we think we should be. These “shoulds” may derive from society or our family and friends. I should like this. I should be that. I should behave in this way. I should say that. Who we are gets confused with and buried under the layers of who we think we should be. Strip away the “shoulds”, and think about who you really are. Simply ask, “Who am I?” You can start with statements like “I am a daughter” or “I am a writer” and progress to “I am happiest when I’m laughing with friends” or “I am learning to be kinder to myself.”

If we begin asking ourselves the right questions, it may take us to the answers we need to gain clarity in our own self-discovery and lead us to a more fulfilling and happy life.

Here are 28 questions that open the door to help you in having a real conversation with yourself. Spend some times on these and answer them as honestly as possible. You may find some uncomfortable and some difficult. Don’t filter your answers by what you think others may think but rather be true to yourself. This is how self-discovery begins. Enjoy!

What activity in your life lights you up with joy?

What is something you always love doing, even when you are tired or rushed? Why?

If a relationship or job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave?

What do you fear about leaving a bad job or a bad relationship?

What do you believe is possible for you?

What have you done in your life that you are most proud of?

What is the thing that you are second most proud of?

What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?

How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better?

If you could have one single wish granted, what would it be?

How comfortable are you with your own mortality?

What is your highest core value?

To your best knowledge, how do other people perceive you?

How would you like others to perceive you?

How confident are you in your abilities to make decisions for yourself?

What is your biggest self-limiting belief?

Who is the most important person in your life?

Who is your greatest role model?

Who is a person that you don’t like yet you spend time with?

What is something that is true for you no matter what?

What is your moral compass in making difficult decisions?

What is one failure that you have turned into your greatest lesson?

What role does gratitude play in your life?

How do you feel about your parents?

How is your relationship with money?

How do you feel about growing old someday?

Do you believe your destiny is pre-determined or in your hands to shape however you wish?

What do you believe is the meaning of your life?

Liz Birch is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who provides services in her office in Tustin, CA. Her areas of expertise are in communications, relationships, marriage strengthening, stress reduction, depression, trauma, anxiety, anger, personal growth, and ptsd (civilian and military). She can be reached via LizBirchTherapist.com, email at LizBirchMFT@gmail.com, or by calling 714-614-0612.

Liz Birch

I'm a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Psychotherapist, who works with individuals, couples and families. I'm also a thinker, doer, caregiver and idealist. I hope I inspire you to take risks and step out of your comfort zone. You might be surprised what you discover.