how changing your behaviour can change someone else’s behaviour?

how changing your behaviour can change someone else’s behaviour?

Understanding my generalisations, distortions and deletions allows me to effectively reprogram my internal experiential states. These reprogrammed internal states can then be represented in my presenting (observable) behaviour. As my changed behaviour is perceived by another a feedback loop is initiated due to their own perceptual filters

An example is: if I represent anger in my behaviour it will be responded to differently that if I represent happiness. This occurs because the other person’s perceptual filters will impose deletions, distortions or generalisations based on their pre-existing representational systems. Their response will then change their observable behaviour. As I respond to this behaviour I adjust my responses which they then observe…and so on as the feedback loop continues.

Another example is: when I work with patients who present with angry behaviour such as raised voice, agitation, flushed face and aggressive manner. By understanding my own filtering and avoiding judging them by my own map, I am able to remain calm. This is noticed by the patient who eventually responds by changing to a more malleable behaviour. At this point I bridge their map to my map and introduce different viewpoints that may be useful for future work with the patient.

Therefore, by understanding my behaviour and modifying it I can influence change of someone else’s behaviour. The feedback loop allows me to constantly modify my behaviour until the required behaviour of the other is attained.