Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I live among you, yet you do not see me.
I have feelings as all do.
I love and dislike, I rejoice and sorrow.
I am intelligent and resourceful yet it is not recognized.
I am discriminated against and justice is denied me.
Out of ignorance and cruelty I am hated.
I am the same as you.
I love animals and care for them.
I have children and loved ones.
I help others and rejoice when they succeed.
I watch a sunrise and am in awe of the Creator.
I am valuable and irreplaceable.
I am Toxically Injured.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Many of you know I like to keep projects going as mental and physical therapy. So I was sitting here gazing forlornly at my current project (on hold) and feeling very unproductive. Being unproductive shatters my self-esteem.

Then it occurred to me to stop kicking myself because isn't surviving a worthwhile project in and of itself? The answer is, "Yes!" The product is that I'm still alive and cognizant.

It's been a heck of a week. I knew it was coming, what with 3 GMO corn fields, and Bellinger's chemically inundated melons being grown in close proximity, this season. But, it's never as bad in my mind as it is to endure the reality. Man don't I wish the waves of torture would quit coming!!!

I saw workers in Bellinger's melon field on Saturday, so I was prepared for chlorothalonil symptoms. I did my IV as a mitigating treatment, but I wasn't surprised when I woke with ruptured blisters in my esophagus and lymph pain.

I was not pleased when I was awakened at 6:00 Monday morning with 2,4-D symptoms. I figured Mr. Evil sprayed before work... Then I saw his son drive off, later. Oh my goodness! I was told the 2,4-D gives him asthma attacks, so he's making his son do it!!!!!!! That's horrible!!!

Then I got a text from Bellinger, telling me he'd be applying "the next day", but not what. He didn't bother to reply to my inquiry.

I got a call from PGG, that they'd be applying round-up to the GMO corn crops. And another call from a neighbor that he'd be spot treating weeds with round-up on several places all around me. So my husband decided to spray round up on some goatheads, on our place, as well. Sigh!

I battened down the hatches. It wasn't enough. I'm not sure how to describe it. It was like being tortured. You know those horror movies where the people are screaming and writhing in agony because the alien being is clawing its way out of their body? It's like that. Several of my major lymph ducts and tissue masses felt like they were going to rupture. Of course I swelled up like the blueberry gum girl. My liver distended. Both my kidneys and liver burned like searing hot acid was being poured over/through them. And nothing, including another IV, knocked it down to endurable. I was weighing the do-ability of calling my kids to say "goodbye & I love you."

I was, again, at that unenviable place of thinking I wasn't going to be able to survive this. It's brutal. It's violent. I hate that they can do this to me, I can't protect myself and it's not considered "a crime."

Ron was getting really scared. He asked me, in desperation, if there was anything that he could do. He'd already showered and scrubbed twice, but I told him to do it again. It helped. Obviously the chemicals are extremely hard to get off, and still volatized either out of, or off of, him. He looked up non-toxic herbi-safe recipes. He says he's not using chemicals any more.

Finally. I sure wish people didn't have to be "individually" convinced by seeing me be physically damaged. I can't take it anymore!!!

So Tuesday I can barely move. I didn't even get out of my jammies. That's rare for me. But I didn't even care! Part way through the morning I started spotting. Endocrine system disruptive chemicals make me bleed.

I wake up tired but not too bad, all things considered, Wednesday. Ron tells me he saw a chemical tanker at Bellinger's field Tuesday morning, on his way to work. Usually that means they put it into the chemigation system and it goes out at night, on a timer. And I'm thinking, "this ain't so bad..."After Ron goes to work Wednesday, my spotting turns into hemorraghing, shaking and severe muscle weakness and tremors. ???!!! There's blood everywhere, and I can't stop it. Holy crap, I'm in melt down. I just did a shot. I can't do another shot this close!! I start thinking I should call Ron home from work, 'cause I don't want to die alone. I can't do this anymore!! It's too hard! I'm too tired! I'm dizzy and disoriented and passing out with nightmarish dreams.

But I am stubborn to the core. And that core surfaces. It says, "No! You will not give up!" Don't ask me why I'm referring to it in the third person. Maybe it wasn't me talking to me... Nee-ner, nee-ner, nee-ner, nee-ner (Twilight Zone music~ It was a really spacey couple of days!) Anyway, I thought, endocrine system disruptors = estrogen imbalance = need to balance ? (query) what herbals and nutrients balance hormones. I couldn't think so I sent an email to a friend. No response. So I roused myself to run a web search.

I used broccoli before. I was sucking it up to go make some as I ran the search. To sum up here's the other things I found that we're important to balance the endocrine system: fat, D3, iodine/iodide, licorice root & milk thistle. It worked. Yep. I'm as surprised as you. It was a last ditch effort. I figured I was going out. But in 30 minutes the bleeding was dramatically reduced and the shaking and collapse stopped. Damn! That's powerful.

So, I'm continuing the teas and am about to eat more broccoli, w/ cheese sauce. I'm still bleeding and feel beaten, bludgeoned and left for dead, but improved enough to 'want' to work on a project. Things are looking up. ;-} heh, heh

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Hi guys,
Today I was asked to forward the following Letter of Testimony, that I wrote to another agent of the NCD. I hate these things, they are horribly traumatic for me to compose or review, but I get asked for them a lot. I'm putting this one here because they paint a very accurate picture of the reality which most TIs face. This is just a small part of what I've delt with in the last 8 years....

"Dear Mr. XXXXX,

I am one of those people who suffers with chemical sensitivities due to toxic injury. I support the NEHS recommendations.

I was originally sprayed by an Ag pilot with the organophosphate, "Monitor," while surveying an alfalfa farm in Eastern Oregon. Several years later, before I'd completely recovered, a melon farming operation began renting property near or adjacent to mine. They use soil fumigants, classified as "1 Danger!" (the highest rating in the EPA) like Metam, & 1, 3 Dichloropropene, herbicides like 2,4-D, & Paraquat... and a fungicide (chlorothalonil) every week, with fertilizer, from the end of February to the end of October. Chlorothalonil kills all living cells, from fungus to mammals by up-taking glutathione. They did this for 5 years.

Because I was already chemically injured, & diagnosed with asthma & fibromyalgia, I requested the accommodation of being advised what chemicals were going to be put down, and advance, co-opertive notice. I was repeatedly told they were only using "fertilizer" & that it was perfectly safe. My condition degraded dramatically and I became severely and multiply disabled, and was told to go home and die, by my asthma/allergy doctor, March 10th, 2004, the second year of their transient melon growing operation. Among my many devastating physiologic conditions, I was extremely glutathione deficient. At that time, we didn't know why, or why I couldn't "hold on to it" when it was replenished. I continued to become exponentially more injured, as they rented the properties in my area for 5 consecutive years. It wasn't until the final year (2007) that I was able to confirm through the EPA that they were using chlorothalonil and on a weekly basis. This extremely volatile chemical uptakes All available glutathione and studies have shown it's application has adverse impact on wildlife up to 4 miles away.

During this time, and in the years following, I was subjected to discriminatory actions by private citizens and public officials. The farmers, and a neighbor who refused to accommodate me, who ridiculed and slandered me and deliberately applied unnecessary pesticide to "teach me a lesson", to harm and harass me, and to imprison me in my home. He even stated that that was the intent, to a law enforcement officer, who condoned his behavior. The volatility period of these chemicals is from 48 hrs to 8 days, and the one neighbor chose to use 2,4-D as his weapon of choice, specifically because it imprisoned me in my home for 8 days. He made a point of spraying 2,4-D every week. When I left my home for medical treatment, I was repeatedly, life threateningly, harmed as that neighbor deliberately/knowingly applied it the morning of my appointments, to his driveway.

Law enforcement officials refused to recognize it as a lethal weapon, in my case, even though the person admitted he was using it to retalliate and it meets the legal definition as a lethal weapon. I'd provided them a doctor's letter stating that it was life threatening and the basis of my disability. The County Sheriff was prohibited from assisting me by the District Attorney, Dean Gushwa, and the County Commissioners (all farmers, with a conflict of interest and decided prejudice.) The Department of Ag, Pesticide Division refused to make accommodation for my disability and require farmers implementing pesticide programs in my area to co-operatively notify me (or have them use least toxic, least volatile substances and to prevent pesticide drift). The Head of the Pesticide Inspection Department, Dale Mitchell, told me that "a few have to die or the good of the many" and taunted me that maybe if I died, then he MIGHT believe that chemical sensitivity was real. He deliberately "lost" my report of visible pesticide drift, for a year, then he snidely offered to send someone out to test. Chris Kirby, Mr. Mitchell's Supervisor and Katy Coba, the Head of the Oregon Dept. of Ag, sic'd the Oregon Dept of Justice on me, saying that I was a crazy person, and the Oregon DOJ, told me it was their job to protect the Dept. of Ag from people like me.

All I wanted was protection from harm on the basis of my disability, and my civil rights back. I was simply asking for cooperative notification, and reasonable care in choosing and applying pesticides... Instead, I was imprisoned in my home, being chemically bludgeoned to the point of severe systemic collapse, including heart attacks, toxic induced intermitant porphyria, toxic encepholopathy, paralysis of the diaphragm, including suffocation, kidney and liver damage, such that I passed chunks of blood and tissue, cessation of urine, lymphodenopathy, lymphodema, blindness, loss of small and large motor skills, mental impairment, thickening of blood in my veins, severe pain... I could go on. It was and is a nightmare. I lost access to all of my own farm, and was forced out of my farming activities and my teaching job. (I had returned to teaching, after being sprayed with monitor, while surveying.)

I attempted to send a proxy to the Pesticide Analytically Response Commission (PARC) to obtain accommodations that would return my civil rights back to me. I elicited the support of the Director of Environmental Divsion, Oregon Department of Health and Human Services, Gail Shibley. She assured me it was an excellent plan, solicited all my details, and all the while she was co-chair of PARC, with Dale Mitchell. She never said a word before the meeting. Both of them refused to recognize my speaker at the meeting. Ms. Shibley later informed me that my requests interfered with her political agenda, and she would not support them or allow them to go forward.

I attempted to file for protection under ORS 124, the Elderly Persons and Persons with Disabilities Act, against the neighbor that stated he was "going to teach (me) a lesson."The District Attorneys Office would not support or protect me and the receptionist informed me that it was her job to protect the DA from people like me and proceeded to scream at me and insult me saying I was crazy, over the phone, when I called in for help. I called over 500 lawyers to get help with my case. They wouldn't take it as it would kill their political career, or they told me it would never be allowed to go to trial. Many of them said there wasn't any money in it. I'm here to tell you, there wasn't any justice either...

I represented myself at ex parté and won my temporary protective order from Judge Wallace. I was called up the next day by the court office and informed that it was rescinded, and I'd have to go before Judge Daniel Hill in 2 days. I hadn't recovered from the first round. Judge Hill was hostile, demeaning and ordered me 3 times to get a lawyer. When we finally got to the hearing, which I attended by phone. Judge Hill said that he couldn't hear me and if I couldn't make myself heard I'd be in contempt. I had to shout (with asthma and oxigen deprivation) for my whole trial. Judge Hill ruled that I wasn't disabled because I wan't receiving SSDI, even though the statute said I qualified. My doctor was present, with a 6" folder of test and documentation validating my condition. He testified on my behalf.

I wasn't receiving SSDI because I'd surveyed for my husband without diect pay for 10 years and only recently returned to teaching... I hadn't accrued enough terms. But the statute said "receiving SSDI, OR have a physical or mental disability... So he violated the law and got away with it. He allowed opposing counsel to slander and demean me. And was himself hostile and demeaning, in violation of ORS 124. My lawyer said nothing. Judge Hill attempted to coerce me in to moving away. My doctor testified that there was no where safer.

I'm still being harassed, chemically assaulted and stalked by the same neighbor, Albert Ontiveros, with no protection. I've ceased to file complaints because the Sheriff's department does not respond.

The Oregon Dept. of Health and the Governor's Advocate for the Disabled got a meeting together with all the department heads and decided that I wasn't disabled or entitled to receive any protections afforded to the disabled because I wan't receiving SSDI. Sound familiar? This was right beore the hearing. Looks like collusion to me. (incidentally, I'd been discriminated against by Mary Thomlinson of Voc Rehab, and filed a complaint. I was awarded disability recognition and access to Voc Rehab by CAP, the Client Advocacy Program... In the State of Oregon.)

Because glutathione is necessary to every system in the body, I have disabilities and reactions involving every system when exposed to toxic substances. Without glutatione you have no ability to break down toxic substances. They rampage through your body causing damage to everything they come in contact with: respiratory, hepatic, renal, porphyrin, neurological, endocrine, lymphatic, mobility, visual. I am severly and multiply disabled, yet I have no protection under the law.

Wether I get accommodation depends entirely on the morals and ethics of each individual. One year I had estrogen dominance so bad from all the endocrine system disrupting chemicals that I collapsed on the floor from a ruptured ovarian cyst. I was also severely anemic due to dysmenorrhea. During my attempts to acquire an ultra sound, I requested fragrance free accommodations. The hospital's patient liaison was very accommodating. She arranged the appointment, ordering the technician to take the appropriate precautions. The technician was so incensed that she deliberately (she taunted us with it) bathed in and saturated herself with every fragranced product she owned. The Washington State Medical Quality Assurance Commission refused to reprimand her, saying she did nothing wrong... When I was able to finish the tests, it was discovered that I had, not only the cyst, but endometriosis and a fibroid tumor, thanks to the chemicals, the farmers that used them and the public servants that denied me my 1st Ammendments Rights. None of these people have received any sensitivity training reguarding this disability. Region 10 of the ADAs Office has given me permission to quote them, "Persons with Chemical Hypersensitivity are the fastest growing segment of the disabled population." And yet, we're the least known about and the most discriminated against. There are no examples of accommodations in the ADA technical manuals, and discriminatory people I referred to the ADA said that because of that, we aren't protected under the ADA.

This year, the melon farmer is back. I've already been harmed and sickened by the Metam and 1,3 Dichloropropene he's put down. Both have a volatility period of 5 days. So I've been imprisoned, as well...

I don't go to the ER, even when I'm having heart attacks, systemic porphyria, severe lymphomatc impaction & swelling, seizures or any other medical condition... They're too toxic. I would be further harmed and receive no appropriate remediating care. I can't be transported by EMTs for the same reason. I received derogatory comments, harassment and refusal to accommodate when I asked them to make them. When I am chemically bludgeoned and fighting to survive, it's all on me. This is a horrible emotionally debilitating isolation, on top of everything else.

I have been violated under the ADA multiple times, and no one will do anything about it.
I could go on, and on, with unending examples of discrimination... Haven't I made my point?

I have lost nearly every part of my world. My job, my farming operation, access to safe medical & emergency care, to social interaction, to family events, church & public spaces. Anywhere there are chemicals, toxic substances, fragrances, ignorance, predjudice and bigotry, I can't go. That violates my civil rights. All public spaces, offices and buildings, and all medical facilities need to be non-toxic and provide safe access and treatment to the Toxically Injured. All public employees and health care workers must have sensivity training concerning people with chemical & electrical hyper-sensitivities and other Toxic Injuries. Our rights need to be restored. It is against the ADA & the Ohlmstead Act to imprison us in our homes or prohibit us from these services and activities.

There are treatments and practices that are efficacious in the care of Toxically Injured individuals. It is further discriminatory that those things are exempt from insurance, Medicare and Medicaid reimbursement. We're forced to go without the care we need because the majority cannot afford to pay for it out of pocket, and uninformed medical practitioners refuse to recognize the benefits of these treatments and practices. That violates our civil rights! That takes away our lives, our liberty and our ability to pursue a self sustaining livelihood.

It is a well researched fact that all toxins, wether synthetic to biologic, reduce glutathione. Glutathione treatments should be recognized as standard medical practice. Glutathione should be available in all Emergency Rooms. Infrared sauna's should be designated as durable medical equipment, and mandated "paid for" by insurance companies, Medicare and Medicaid. This is an effective healing and pain management tool. One of the few we can use safely. Nutraceuticals and non-toxic special diets should also be recognized as necessary prescriptions, and completely covered. Care from alternative, and intergrative practitioners need to be 100% reimbursed, regardless of "participation" in insurance company programs. They are all we have. We can not be treated with standard, toxic medical care.

Thank you for taking the time to review this small slice of the discrimination that I've faced. If you want a more in depth view of my daily life, you can view my blog: aftertoxicinjury.blogspot.com
Respectfully,"

Monday, June 4, 2012

I watched a youtube video today on http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/06/09/monsanto-roundup-found-to-be-carcinogenic.aspx?e_cid=20120604_DNL_artTest_A6. It was called, "The World According to Monsanto." It was almost two hours, but worth watching. It was horrifying, heartbreaking and still shocking. After everything I've been through at the hands of pesticide users, I thought I wouldn't be shocked anymore. Robert Shapiro's actions seem soulless to me. So many people selling out the lives of millions for profit, convenience and power... And at such a staggering cost. It's worth watching guys! Spread it to everyone you know!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

I find myself frustrated, a lot. Yesterday was a locked in day, and a Saturday. The melon farmer put pesticide out through the drip system during the night. I can tell because it permeates the house through cracks and crevices, and I get hurt. I woke up with the eye pain that feels like your eyeballs are being sucked with a vacuum, from behind, and they're stuck in the end of the tube. Then I threw up all morning and part of the afternoon. Doesn't leave much room for doubt...
So, I would have loved to have been able to do something fun. Instead, I stayed home, imprisoned, while my husband took off to a nearby city, to pick up baler parts. He took my daughter and son-in-law with him. They had lunch in a nice little bistro, and took in a car show. When he returned, he came in, tossed his keys on the counter and went back out to work on the baler with a neighbor and friend. He returned after 9:30 at night, and didn't speak to me until after 11:00. All his words were used up for the day. My marriage is falling apart. He's leaving me behind, and moving on with his life without me. He sees nothing wrong with his behavior. There is nothing that I can say or do to change my situation. I'm powerless to stop it. If I protest or complain, it will only accelerate the abandonment. This is just another devastating part of what happends to the TI. I find it supremely frustrating. It's like my life is a whirlpool of destruction and I am being sucked, inexorably t'word the middle.
I feel like many people think That I should accept whatever crumbs of their time, or rudeness and hurtful behavior they dish out and "like it." Like maybe my being disabled means that I'm not entitled to full social status. There was this one very hateful, vicious woman on a blog that verbally attacked me, out of the blue. It was so horrific, it made me ill. I left the blog for a time. While I was gone, she apologized to the others for what she'd said. She made nice and was welcomed into the community. When I healed a little and went back to the blog, there she is buddy-buddy, with my friend. So she makes an insincere "public apology" to me. But she never owned what she did. She never even mentioned it. She just said she was "sincerely sorry" and then went on to tell me how she has a right to her opinion and how I can learn to accept her and respect her. O' sure, she said "each other," but that was just aggrandizing bull puckey. Then she threw in my face how she was now great friends with my friend... Venomous snake. So I'm frustrated. I love Edmond Burke's quote, "Evil prevails when good men do nothing." But this is one of those times when anything I do, won't help...
Frustrated.

About Me

In 2004 I was diagnosed with Chemical Sensitivity. It resulted from pesticide poisoning, a Toxic Injury. I lost about 98% of who I was. I've embarked on the journey of "Rebuilding me."
You can find me on Facebook at "Toxed2loss"