With Valentine’s Day one week away, the anxiety level is rising as men try to think of something to give their sweeties that sends just the right message. At least, that is what we women like to think. So if, just if, you haven’t given the romantic holiday a thought yet, GET ON IT. I am here to help.

You could give the old standbys; flowers or chocolate, which women love to receive, as long as the chocolate is their favourite kind and the flowers aren’t from the corner store.

But if this is the year when you want to say something in a big way, lingerie could be the way to say it. Lingerie is intimate, it's sensual, and if you choose well, it will make your partner feel wonderful. But if you choose poorly, she could recoil in horror — obviously, not the reaction you want.

Not to pump up the anxiety or anything, but nothing speaks louder than lingerie. If you choose a transparent red baby doll with strategic cut-outs, you had better be sure your sweetie likes that kind of thing.

What if she’s a lady? "Men tend to always choose according to their fantasies," says Vancouver lingerie designer Patricia Fieldwalker. "And it is too risque for the women to wear." This is a gift for her, not for you, she adds, noting that very few women feel comfortable enough with their bodies to wear the demanding pieces.

"If you make a woman comfortable, beautiful and confident, you will get the results you are hoping for."

Alexandra Suhner Isenberg, Searching for Style blogger and former lingerie designer, concurs. "A lot of Valentine’s Day lingerie is so tacky," she says. "Think about who your partner is and if she is not going to wear some sort of heart-printed frilly, silly Valentine’s Day-themed lingerie set. Don’t buy that.

"Women would be more impressed by something simple, like black lace from a really good brand, rather than something over the top from a less classy brand."

According to lingerie business groups and a survey conducted in the U.K., the colour of lingerie most bought by men is red. The colour most often returned by women? Red.

So, for all you guys out there who really want to tell your sweetie you love her just the way she is, here is a guy’s guide to buying lingerie.

Good lingerie isn’t cheap. The fabrics, like silk and lace, are expensive, and it takes very skilled seamstresses to sew such fine garments. Many can’t do it. Patricia Fieldwalker has a longtime coterie of six seamstresses who make everything in her Vancouver factory. Obviously, they can’t make large batches — there just isn’t the staff to do it. So each piece is valuable because of its rarity. But lingerie is an affordable luxury, compared to a BMW, or even a fancy dinner out.

Besides, if you treat it right, it will last a very long time. Most pieces can be washed in a front-load washer on the gentle cycle with a gentle soap like Forever New or Eucolan. Detergent strips silk of that lovely finish. Hang or lay flat to dry.

• Peruse online and shop in person. Just don’t do your online shopping at work — your colleagues may get the wrong idea. You can buy online if you can’t find the brand you like in stores, but you won’t get the personal assistance of a shop clerk. Either way, be sure you can return it. Reliable shops include Holt Renfrew and The Bay.

• Check your partner’s size. If you are buying a bra and panties, this is especially important. Dig through her drawer, find the pieces she is wearing now, and buy that size. While you are in that drawer, check the style of bra she likes. Is it padded? Is it a demi? Does it have underwire? Same with panties. Does she wear thongs? Boy shorts? Briefs?

• Choose pretty over sexy. See photo. A woman in pretty lingerie that fits her will feel really sexy.

• Buy age-appropriate. Women in their 20s can wear lingerie that doesn’t have much to it. The bralets that are all the rage right now, for example, are all lace and no support. You can get away with that when you are young. But women in their 30s and older need pieces with good construction.

• Choose silk over synthetic. Silk breathes, feels divine, and warms the body when it’s cold out and cools the body in the heat. And nobody wants to sleep in polyester lace. "Not that you plan to do much sleeping in it," quips Suhner Isenberg.

Many women wear only bras and panties as lingerie, but those items are tough to buy as gifts. A chemise, robe, or baby doll is easier to fit and wonderful to receive. Same with silk pyjamas.

If all of this is too costly, take a look at some of the stockings and stay-ups on the market. Trasperenze stay-ups have great detail (with back seam and heel design).

The language of lingerie

Waspie: A waist belt that does up in front and cinches the waist to make it look smaller. Part corset, part garter belt, the waspie wraps around the waist like a short corset and usually has clips for stockings.

Demi bra: Also known as a balconette bra, it is a half-cup bra style with wide-set straps and a horizontal bust line. Often seamed or boned, they promote cleavage and a flamelike effect. These offer less support but enable low-cut garments to be worn without revealing the bra.

Baby Doll: A short nightgown usually accompanied by matching panties. They usually have an empire waistline circling the body just under the bust.

Chemise: A slightly longer nightgown or slip or lounging piece, often cut on the bias and adorned with lace.

Camisole: A sleeveless undergarment that stops at the waist. Most often made of silk or satin but also cotton with lace detailing.

Bustier: A bra that extends to the waist, usually with straps. Sometimes they are made of lace but can also be made of silk and be worn as an outer garment. Often they have bones to give them structure.

Corset: Like a bustier but with a cinching mechanism.

Teddy: A one-piece camisole/panty combination that comes in a vast array of styles.

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