My aunt is kooky. She’s been super weird and joined team ex-husband after my divorce. After a stupid misunderstanding that had nothing to do with me except that it’s regarding MY wedding, I lost my cool and told her to eff off. She replied “no” for her and family, and it’s really upsetting my mom, but I insisted my mom not talk to her about it. I don’t want her at the wedding since she is proven to act like a premenstrual preteen. Now what?

The long version:

Ever since my divorce my aunt and I have had a strained relationship. She has made a weird effort to stay in contact with my ex, to the point of inviting my ex to holidays and family functions. Like I want to see him. Like my fiance wants to see him. Jeez.

So my mom comes up with the hairbrained idea that my cousin who’s 15 might want to babysit for the wedding. Since we’re paying. And there are going to be no people in the teenage demographic except her. I shrugged it off, but she mentioned it to my (nearly senile) grandma, who mentions it to my aunt and suddenly my aunt is confronting my mom saying that the only reason she and my uncle are invited to the rehearsal dinner is so that cousin can babysit. Uh. No. And cousin was never asked. My mom thinks she diffused this situation over the course of 30 min.

The following Sunday, my aunt brings this up to me. Will not accept the truth that cousin should just go ahead and come as a guest to the wedding. No biggie. She keeps harping on me for 10 minutes about this until I start tearing up and tell her that I can’t keep going over this, I have enough to deal with. Next thing I’m standing in the living room of my grandparents house in front of my mom, grandma, aunt, and another adult cousin yelling at my aunt to “seriously it’s enough already, I have a lot of shit on my plate and we’ve been hashing over this for 15 minutes and it wasn’t my goddamn idea and no one even asked cousin to do it anyway!” She tells me that “everyone has a lot of shit on their plate.” At which point, keys in hand, I said “Well fuck you” as I walked out the door.

Mind you, I don’t want my grandma to know I even KNOW the F word. And it’s very unlike me to come completely unhinged like that. But I did tell her I couldn’t keep talking about it. Through anxious tears and with an intense, wavering voice, and she just kept at it.

About an hour later, I still felt angry with her but texted and apology for cursing at her, saying that no one deserves to be talked to that way. Wednesday she texts back, accepting my apology. Friday, my FMIL sends me an updated list of the accepts/regrets and my aunt and family are NOT COMING TO THE WEDDING. (So obviously this was not a hasty decision. She slept on it, then mailed it.) Which is fine with me, but my mom is devastated. And I have insisted that she not tell my aunt that she knows. They’ve talked on the phone, spent all of last weekend together, and my aunt hasn’t mentioned a thing to my mom or my grandparents.

@drlolaz: I dont think you could have said it better: she sounds like a premenstrual preteen. Yes, I agree, you shouldn’t have blown up like that (however, we’re all guilty of it at some point), and it’s good that you apologized. Bottom line is this wasn’t your fault/idea and she should have let it go the second your mom explained it to her. I would just let it go – if she wants to come and apologize like a big girl, then accept it. On the wedding RSVP? She was petty and dramatic and said no. In my optinion, this also deserves to come with another apology and her asking to change the response to yes. If none of this happens, well, then, eff her!

@drlolaz: Oh boy….and its times like this, I recommend eloping…BUT, what’s done is done and everyone is all out of whack over what was clearly a moment of stress on your part and total harshness on your aunt’s.

Of course you aren’t going to make your cousin babysite and you certainly weren’t insinuating that your burden is any heavier than anyone else’s just because you’re getting married, grabbing your keys and cursing your aunt isn’t the worst thing you could have done, but it wasn’t the best thing either.

Honestly, an apology text was probably a little feeble, you swore to her face, you can apologize to it as well…I don’t care how kooky, weird or bizarrly attached she is to your ex, you’re a lady first and last, knock on her door with some crumb cake and coffee and show her better than she’s shown you.

There are moments when all things can be remedied…someone has to start the whole thing first though.

@drlolaz: I would apologize to her in person, like Nona said, be the bigger person. Although I think it’s probably a blessing in disguise that you blew the lid off of this whole thing. She has been passive aggressive towards you for a while it seems, and was looking for an opportunity to sink her teeth in. She bit, you bit back, you submitted in the end but who knows if she will do it again. I say make amends with her, really and sincerely, but if she refuses to come clean as to why she’s still holding your divorce against you keep her at a distance.