Lord knows why anyone would think it’s a good idea to build a wood shingle kind of room on top of a sickly green colored room and call it a house, but hey. It’s a free country. I had a nice chuckle at my neighbors expense and then went on about my business.

Then while taking a new way home the other day I discovered this guy.

One house with a wood shingle kind of room built on top of a sickly green colored room and I can chalk that up to the actions of a lone nut.

But TWO houses with a wood shingle kind of room built on top of a sickly green colored room, both just a few blocks away from each other?

I thought that was a remarkable statement because whenever I look at Art Deco homes a part of me thinks of fast food as well and how often is it that you find yourself agreeing on something like modern architecture with someone who was born in 1896?

The Outer Sunset is a really unique living museum of Indestructible American Suburban Architecture and you can find some great Art Deco gems scattered about out here over here and there. I just discovered this guy the other day.

I’m really digging that top hat with the blue stripes.

A part of me is convinced that at any moment a Norman Rockwell era Betty will just zip up to me on these rad 1950s roller-skates and a uniform with a blue striped paper hat with my order of a burger, shake, and animal style fries.

Somewhere along the line my girlfriend granted herself veto power over what I get to wear whenever we go out at night. If she feels like whatever I’m wearing is clashing she only has to say “That don’t match!” and either I have to change my outfit or if I try and argue the point my life becomes an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

“That don’t match!” has become one of our inside jokes, a catch phrase that perfectly sums up when we see anything that instinctively was not meant to be together. That phrase also happens to perfectly sum up this house that has the worst 3rd floor addition in The Outer Sunset and quite possibly all of San Francisco.

Oh. My. Lord.

It’s like a tsunami took one house and washed it onto the roof of another house.

It’s like Homer Simposn got wasted one week and built a tree fort for the kids on the roof of his house. And nobody stopped him.

This beauty is on or west of the 47th Ave parallel, where the houses get Twilight Zone weird out here and a part of me loves it for that. It’s a reminder that the spirit of Carville still lives on out here by the beach. You can hire Homer Simpson to build the most ridiculous addition to your home out here and No One Will Stop You.

This house on 30th and Pacheco has one of the most amazing 3rd floor additions. There are a lot of people out here that have attempted to build an additional room onto their house. The majority of them come off as pretty ghetto, but this one is quite spectacular. It’s like a cathedral of light in there as the sun sets.

Here’s what it looks like from the front.

Brilliant use of space. If I lived in this house I don’t ever think I’d leave that 3rd floor.

This miniature 3 story castle to the left is quite amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen another one quite like it out here. And it makes an even more amazing contrast to the surfer shack to the right. I could sell this right now as a primetime TV pilot.

Here’s my pitch –

The King from Role Models lives in the castle and he’s neighbors with these jackass reality TV kid surfer genius protégés. You want to hate them but each episode they seem to help people work through their problems. The Force is strong with them. They are the Fonzie’s of the show and they are played by Michael Cera and McLovin.

Yeah, I agree. Those guys have already been typecast waaaay too much as the shy, nerd types. Michael Cera especially is really talented; I would really like to see him play a different character already.

AAAARHOOOO!

The “Dude, Where’s My Car?” guys live here. None of their one-night stands have any kind of respect for them the next day when they wake up and see the color of their house. All the neighborhood kids make fun of them in public and even bust out into these elaborately choreographed break dancing disses whenever they’re trying to score at Safeway.

Gary Busey is The Wacky Next Door Neighbor that lives on the other side of the Sunset but is always hanging out in their living rooms.

Slim Shady is the filthy rich Paris Hilton type diva of the Entourage.

And this is their ride.

It’s a 24-hour on-call bus large enough to carry them and whatever small groups of people that they picked up along the way that night. Their driver / bodyguard is Kato. He was just recently kicked out of the Yakuza for reasons he doesn’t really feel like talking about right now.

Sammo Hung was born to play this role.

And they all hang out at Ron Jeremy’s pharmacy shop.

Gotta have my agent set up a meeting to pitch this to NBC as a companion piece for this fall’s Community

I spent the first part of last weeks Sunday Streets just riding my bike up and down the mostly deserted Great Highway and getting reacquainted with all my favorite houses out here. This stretch of road is what turned me onto Outer Sunset house watching several years ago. The houses out here have a lot of character and each one tells a different story.

This house would be perfect if you were a superhero type that fought crime with a hovercraft type vehicle that kept getting tagged up every time you parked it on the street. Problem solved. Just park your vehicle on the roof and then bogie on down.

This house is quite amazing. It takes up three lots lengthwise and is two lots deep but still manages to be modest in its space consumption. Check out that front lawn. It’s like Vietnam down there with succulents large enough to eat a small child.

She was originally built in 1949 by architect Ernest Born as his personal home and then later added onto by Aidlin Darling Design. It’s quite possibly the sexiest house in The Outer Sunset. You have to check out her photo spread in The New York Times to really appreciate her glory.

Photos courtesy of Dwight Eschliman.

It’s a fantasy of mine that a porn star exhibitionist type of girl moves in here one day and converts that third floor room in her bedroom/playspace.

Speaking of which, Mika Tan, if you’re looking for a house in San Francisco I found you a fabulous spot right by the beach.

The house that Viagra built.

There’s a lot of circular windows embedded into the homes out here. I think some of the architects went over the top on driving home this whole “we all live in a yellow submarine” theme.

What’s that on the roof of the blue guy? Is that an antenna? Or maybe that’s an anti prop-8 art piece. I have no idea.

And check out how the green guy has boarded up and colored over his submarine window on the 2nd floor. “Yeah, we all live on the beach. I got the memo. Now get the fuck out of my house you stupid submarine window”

There are houses that have seen better days.

There are houses that are painted like the doodle pads I used to scribble on my peachy folder back in junior high.

Dudekoff!

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, was our castle and our keep
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, that was where we used to sleep