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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Lest Another Day Goes By Without Him Starring in His Own Post

For the most part, Edison is an unpredictable shitbox who can go off at any moment like a forgotten IED that detonates 20 years after the fact. There's slashing, hissing, pouncing and biting. So, you know, he's a typical cat.

Edison was the wild card when we found out we were pregnant. We were pretty sure the dogs wouldn't try to eat The Bean, but Edison...well, there are two people in this world who have survived a run-in with Edison without earning a scar (Michael and I do not make this exclusive list).

To say I was nervous about bringing The Bean home and having Edison be in the house is a bit of an understatement.

I may or may not have imagined something like this:

However I was clinging to one small shred of hope. Edison (unlike Ginger, The Turd Princess of Atlanta) has at least one redeeming quality.

He LOVES his platypus.

What? That sentence doesn't make sense to you?

Here:

That would be Edison and his platypus. And I reiterate: he LOVES his platypus.
Edison and the platypus met one Christmas when my grandmother thought I would like a stuffed platypus wearing a Santa hat (what 25-year old wouldn't like that?). I pulled the platypus out of the box and the love was immediate and palpable.

They were inseparable from that moment on.

One week Edison vigilantly guarded a closet door. I presumed it was another "weird cat thing" like climbing curtains, getting one's head stuck in a drinking glass and hanging out in the sink like it was a jacuzzi. When I opened the closet door to grab the vacuum, Edison darted in and started rummaging through things. He emerged triumphant with his platypus. Apparently, I had mistakenly put a bag the platypus was 'hiding' in away in the closet.

The platypus is a part of our lives. He is routinely left in the food bowl (Edison doesn't want him to starve), guards the bedroom door while Edison is sleeping and greets me and dogs at the front door after we've gone for a walk. Edison spends his nights regaling the platypus with stories of the day's adventures and eventually scolds him for some perceived slight the platypus unwittingly performed.

There were two possible reactions Edison would have with the introduction of The Bean to the family. (A) he would see her and that cartoon above would become reality or (B) he would ignore her completely until he decided to tear her apart as detailed in the cartoon.

I didn't even consider he would be excited that I brought home a new platypus.

Edison is the first to the scene when The Bean loses her mind and starts a screaming fit. He will pace under her rocker and give me disapproving looks because I'm a bad mother whose child has to cry to get what it needs. The platypus never cries.

He will also bring the platypus into the nursery when The Bean and I are in there nursing or playing. Apparently he was waiting for a second member to include in his Mommy and Me group.