subscribe

Pages

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

With graduation season over, you might be tempted to revel in the heady hopes of a brighter tomorrow, what with all these freshly educated, newly degreed youngins descending upon our workforce and all.

I'm here to fix all that.

This cake was supposed to say - I kid you not - "It's a girl."

That apostrophe placement will be haunting my dreams tonight.

Of course, it's also possible to get the spelling and punctuation perfect, while still completely missing the point:

Granted, this could be a "he said, she said" issue.

Hey, remember when preschoolers were taught to put the square blocks in the square holes, and the round blocks in the round holes?

Do they not do that anymore?

For some reason I'm getting the feeling this is supposed to be a base"ball." Odd.

And remember that toy with the pull string that told you what the dog says?

Do they not have those anymore, either?

Wait. Is that a cat?

Ok, now I'm really confused.

Still, I guess we can take comfort in knowing that these wreckerators won't always be wreckerators:

"All right children, it's Story Time"! Today's story is about a sad orange kitty. See, Orange Kitty says "Woff, Woff".

You are right, children--that is a TERRIBLE story, we will read something better now.

Here is a story about a little cloud that wanted to be a baseball, and here is a story about a Gini, oops, I mean a Genie, who lived in a flower garden, and here is story about...never mind, we will try Story Time again next week children. The Story Lady needs to go get some "medicine"."

I'm surprised the second one doesn't have Just written before say. Like an arguing couple deciding on what they want finally get frustrated enough turn to the wreckorator to give the order and they tell them "Just say 'We will miss you.'"

"Mourning shifts" sounds like a dangerous place to work, like something dear Mrs. Lovett needs to hire.

Reminds me of the hotel up the highway that had a "Now Hiring: Housekeepers" sign for so long that we started to suspect it was a ruse to feed some Doctor-Who-ish beast they kept chained in the basement.

"Mourning Shift!" Wahahahahaha! Ok, seriously now, my boss makes that type of mistake all the time. He has told one of our suppliers, who's name is Clarence, but my boss always spells it "Clearance", that he made us look like "fouls" (fools) in front of our "Costumers" (customers). And I'm in the fashion business. Can you imagine if I was a baker?

The mourning shift? What time is that? Oh right... just after the graveyard shift.

Oh dear this must be how wreckerators get more and more wrecky. No one wants to employ a new worker that is more 'clever' (or at least as 'clever') as they are... or they might do themselves out of a job.

That first one reminds me of an old commercial where the couple was trying to save long distance minutes. He calls his mother up and says, "Wehadababyit'saboy." as fast as he could. Of course that doesn't explain the grammatical horror that is that cake but it reminded me of that anyway.

in defense of the orange "dog" cake, in french, dogs say "oauf oauf" (or that's what they told me in high school), which is pronounced "woff woff"...i know, it's a weak defense, but i had to throw that out there

Wouldn't you just like to turn up to that job interview in a black suit plus top hat with feathers, doleful expression and see how far you got.....I despair!(Our local vegetable market sells 'Oboe Jeans' - I don't know whether to laugh or cry!)

Gwenyver said..."... He has told one of our suppliers, who's (sic) name is Clarence, but my boss always spells it "Clearance", that he made us look like "fouls" (fools) in front of our "Costumers" (customers)."

A restaurant where I used to have lunch had a sign, "Restrooms are for costumers only." The weird thing was, the place was quite close to the city's "design district," so if I hadn't known the proprietor (not a native English speaker), I might have thought it meant "costumers."

I want the mourning job!These cakes need SOMEONE to cry over them~~and I'm just the one to do it!I can wail loud enough to scare the customers away!! (That IS the goal, right?)I'll bring my own hankies, and, and EVERYthing!

The mourning shift one?It has to be the nourishment given to the hired criers at an Irish Wake.(The family of the departed got roaring drunk.)They sometimes propped up the body and put a drink in his/her hand, They toasted and the criers cried.Tis true- happened in my Irish family.mocking

#1 Reminds me of Andrea Martin's character, Perini Scleroso on SCTV, who translated everything she heard into her own 'language'.

#2 This wreck could also be one of the better attempts I have seen to convey sarcasm in print.

#3 The little-known sequel to 'Field of Dreams' was 'Field of Nightmares', where a cornfield was taken over by the ghosts of old baseballs, reincarnated as CCCs. This one is especially scary -- a baseball-football hybrid.

#4 That isn't a dog, so why wouldn't it say, 'woff woff'?

#5 There's nothing wrong with the sign -- this is the Greek Tragedy Delicatessen. Not really suited to conversation because of all the wailing, but the food is sensational.

It would be easy to mourn the passing of English literacy, but Cake Wrecks has us too busy laughing instead.

That last picture totally looks like a Marble Slab Creamery. I worked at one! Believe me, all shifts were mourning shifts. And the boss always misspelled words on signs. Also, not a single guy could write on an ice cream cake without it looking like my dog wrote on it.

My sources-- reporting from radio station WWHO(cares)--have revealed to me that our little WoffWoff is actually a second cousin (once removed, but managed to get loose and come back) of the darling pinkish/kittenish thing that was showcased in this very same place on 6/20 ("Making New Friends"-Go on! Go back and look!). They do look related. Same goggle-eyed, disgruntled expression; same hair stylist (going with the "piped-perm")...Why, they even have the same classic tastes in furnishings ( clear plastic, skylight roof, white flooring)...Never mind that one is a "cat," and the other a "dog,"--they're both (technically) cake. And too classy to be eaten. Small world, yah?

@Gwenyver… a friend of mine just posted to her facebook wall a restaurant sign about washrooms being only for "costumers"! I immediately thought of your amusing/distressing post. I love those sorts of coincidences.

WV "farva". Farva love of G-d, please learn how to spell before you pick up a bag of icing!

Hmm I would say if I had to work there I would be in mourning too lol. Since no one can spell morning. Wow at that first cake. I honestly hope whoever got that cake at least enjoyed the pretty flowers lol. Sad orange cat thing on the other hand is perfect as a Halloween prank.

@Barbara Anne, trying to summon an EPCOT is like telling a pitcher he has a no-hitter going.

The EPCOT will come again. It is inevitable. Unless, that is...people have started reading comments before posting. But I prefer not to think of such things (though I do it myself).

Worse still, civility might have invaded the land of Snark and they could be successfully resisting the urge to correct John and/or Jen. (As if.) The EPCOT will come when it is least expected. Just believe.

Meanwhile, I want to know why the SL has been so uncharacteristically quiet. Perhaps the governor has found ways to keep her usefully occupied. (And angel food cakes throughout the land heaved a collective yet nearly inaudible sigh of relief.)

Someone else already mentioned this, but I also thought the "I'ts Giri" cake might not be quite so bad if it was Japanese and done as a joke. It's a "giri" cake because someone was pointing out that it was socially/culturally obligatory to give someone at this time, and I could see how a Japanese person might misplace the apostrophe that way since "I'ts" puts it right between the syllables if you're using Japanese kana.

In other words, イツぎりケキ ！

Eh, forget it. I think it was indeed done by SCTV's Perini Scleroso. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Search This Blog

Wreck the Halls

NEW! Pre-Order Today!

Buy the Book

Buy the NYT Bestseller

What's a Wreck?

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

order

Where's the book?

We don’t have any copies of Cake Wrecks for sale here, autographed or otherwise. We decided the shipping and handling costs would be too high to make it worth your while. So instead, buy your copies locally or online and then order personalized bookplates: it’s cheaper, easier, and I think even looks a bit nicer.

Ordering Info

Payments must be made through Paypal, which accepts all major credit cards. Sorry, but that means no checks or MOs or barter-based chickens.

We ship everything first class USPS, and will do our best to have your package in the mail within 2 days of your order.