WWF RAW

22.4.2

BLAH

KINGS UPDATE:
1-0! 1-0! 1-0! They tried really hard to lose but they
couldn't do it (thank God) ALSO I have completed my Carl's Jr. bobblehead
collection (thank God AND Mom) without having to go to Ebay ALSO I have
already bought two new hats. Catch the Kings and Jazz in Game 2 TUESDAY
night on TBS! They'll be the second game of that night's doubleheader.

MOVIE REVIEW:
Yes, I actually went to a movie for the first time in...hmm,
this year, when I saw "The Scorpion King" at a Friday matinee. I had no
expectations going in and they were met. I was glad I spent $5.25 and not
$8.75. Joe, on the other hand, found my review "biased" when I told him
what I thought of it, so I guess he really hated it or something. And
there are another 67 opinions available over at the MRQE if mine's too
short for you - I'll bump the link back up on the slashwrestling.com home
page if you can't figure it out yourself.

TONIGHT: We
can't stop CAN'T STOP talking about the Rock's movie! Also,
Hulk Hogan won the title last night - yep, he did - he'll have something
to say for sure - hey, that's all you get the night after a pay-per-view -
come back in fifteen

T(O)N(I)G(HT):
"Time's Arrow I" continues the tradition of intriguing
cliffhangers which ultimately result in disappointing denouement - only
this one has the ADDED bonus of not being particularly intriguing as well.
Picard and Guinan's "special relationship" was probably best left
unexplored, don't you agree?

I GET LETTERS:
I haven't posted a call for email in a long, long time but
given the recent events of our favourite programming source (that I write
about) I thought I'd compile another batch of letters. How's the split
treating you? How do you feel about the NWO? How do you feel about that
guy who USED to be in the NWO now that he's holding the belt? And if you
don't want to talk about any of THAT stuff, then...well, what do you think
of me? I dunno, just write something that'll look good with your name
next to it and it'll be read by....well, hundreds at least. I promise.
Keep it brief and fire it off - there are email links at the bottom of
this report - I'll try to have something put together on the home slice
before Thursday.

THE RECAP
STARTS: RIGHT NOW

One World TV-14-DLV-CC Leader Attitude - WWF!

Courtesy: WWF Magazine, here's some stills from last night's main event
and run-in-o-rama

Opening Credits

Pyro's away and so are we - coming to you LIVE from the Savvis Center in
St. Louis, MO 22.4.2 and transmitido en espanol SAP on THE NEW TNN, this
is the WWF - and *this*... is... RRRRRRAW!

BROCK LESNAR (Minneapolis, Minnesota -
275 pounds - with Paul Heyman - and
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week) v. MATT HARDY (Cameron, North Carolina
- 226 pounds)referee: EARL HEBNER
Matt's still hurt but he
wants some REVANCHE! Instead of looking at the entryway, we stay fixed on
Lesnar...which can only mean Hardy's going to attack from behind - and
sure enough, there he is - forearm in the back, left, right, left, right,
left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, kick,
whip - no, Lesnar whips him into the corner instead. Lesnar with the
charge - runs into a boot. Lesnar shakes it off and runs in again,
catching the boot this time, pulling him out by it and into a big
spinebuster. Lesnar rips off Hardy's shirt to display the rib tape/plot
device. Knee in the ribs. Scooped up - raised high - gutbuster - and
holding on for a second run at it. Bearhug - Matt plays rag doll for
benefit. Lesnar rams Hardy's back into the turnbuckle. Running at
him...Hardy escapes and Lesnar shoulders the post. Hardy outside - wraps
Lesnar's arm around the post, again, right, left, right, left,
right...back in as Lesnar shakes it off - he's MAD - runs at Hardy and
eats a boot again. Hardy with the jawbreaker. Second rope - ahhhhhhdrop.
Hardy to the top rope - SUPER ahhhhdrop. Hardy signaling - gusthot, Twist
of Fate - is blocked - Lesnar picks up Hardy on his shoulders, then drops
him in his modified TKO. Heyman tells him not to pin him, but to "break
him in half." Lesnar picks him up - spins around a few times - then
powerbombs him down. Hebner decides to end this now. (ref stop 3:09)
Hebner makes haste in calling for help from the back. Let's take the
replay - say, how many weeks has Lesnar been here...how come they STILL
haven't given us a name for this move yet?

Ric Flair is WALKING! He greets a couple of the tech crew. "Hey, what's
up? Richie, man-- (hey, is that Richie Posner? Can you tell I'm reading
"Foley is Good?") how's it going?" They give him the cold shoulder.
"Aww, come on, man - not you guys, too - you don't think I stuck it up
Austin's ass, do ya? Hey, I clearly did not see his foot on the rope.
We got a show to produce tonight, man, come on, let's get with it. Huh?
I did what I thought was right--" Flair turns to face Taker. "Thanks,
Ric." "Thanks?" "I just want you to know that, ah...you did the right
thing. You know, I know with all the adversity, I know you had to be
intimiated out there. Anybody would. I just want you to know...you did
the right thing. You did." "I didn't do the right thing, I did what I
saw. I did not see his foot on the rope, I counted him down 1, 2, 3,
'cause I thought you were on him. I did not see you sweep the foot from
the rope." "Hey, say what you will - all I'm sayin' is that I owe you one
- in fact....I'm gonna go out in front of the people right now and thank
you publicly. You did the right thing!" Ross proclaims Flair "absolutely
guilt-ridden."

Lita shills Stacker 2

Catch the WWF LIVE! Next week, Buffalo is RAW - in two weeks Hartford is
RAW, and in three weeks Toronto is SOLD OUT

Sure enough, AWESOMETAKER
walks out with the "Forceable Entry" CD cover. Judgment Day tix go on
sale Saturday in Nashville, by the way. "As your #1 Contender, I would
like to take this time....I'd like to take this time to compliment
somebody on a job well done. I would like to compliment Ric Flair on the
job that he did at Backlash. Ric Flair called that match right down the
middle - and when the time was right, he counted 1, 2, 3. Ric Flair did
the right thing! Now don't get me wrong...it wouldn't have mattered who
the referee was, I was gonna beat Austin's ass last night. It just so
happens that Ric Flair was the referee. Now... ["Austin" chant] In case
you don't know, he lost! Now as your #1 Contender, that means...that
means I get to go to Judgment Day - and I get to fight...the Immortal -
Hulk - Hoganuh. That's right, I know everybody is all caught up in this
Hulk Hogan comeback story. Everybody's caught up in that miracle win last
night. And yes, Hogan...you're welcome. Because without me, you
wouldn't'a got that victory. But what that also means - at Judgment Day,
I become judge...jury...AND executioner of Hulkamania! At Judgment Day, I
will be crowned World Wrestling Federation UNDISPUTED Champion." We look
backstage to see that Triple H is WALKING! Hey there's your Justin
Credible/Steven Richards/Crash cameo of the night - thanks for coming out,
guys! "Whoawhoawhoa - hey - hey - HE can't be here! He can't be here!
Only the Champion can be on both shows - what's he doing here? He can't
be here! He's supposed to be on SmackDown! Why is he here? Why the
hell--" Triple H walks past a bunch of refs (who do nothing to stop him)
and also Arn Anderson (who does the same) - camera follows him to the go
position (Slaughter, Lanza, Patterson [I think] and two other guys I
couldn't make out) and all the way out to the stage... Out comes OOPS
HE'S NOT THE MAN - takedown, punches in bunches - Taker rolls over - H
rolls back - tussle tussle - back to their feet - H with four or five more
rights to take him outside... following out - Taker with a back
elbow...but H comes right back, barreling Taker over the announce table
and keeps punching. H does a little remodeling - monitor in hand - and
there's five monitors to the head! Ross' headset goes out as H trips over
all the cables...and then walks right back (whatever) - H picks up Taker
and unleashes some more rights - finally the gaggle of REFS is out and
managing to separate the two men. Taker finally back up as the crowd
chants "Triple H" - there's a right for H. Taker tries to walk away, but
H punches out all three refs and flies back over to Taker. And now the
chase is on...Taker is relieved of his shirt - alongside the aisle they
go. H rams Taker into the sided of the stage, leaving a nice bloody mark.
Right, right, right, right. H rams Taker into the stage again. H removes
his shirt (squeeeeal) and rams Taker's head into the stage again. But
Taker fights back with a soupbone - kick - kick - and walks off. Nope, H
is gonna follow him - and so's the cameraman. We're backstage now - H
right, Taker into a heavy case, right by H, right, Taker swings and
misses, H right, right, right, now out near the trucks - H runs Taker into
a semi. Taker begs off and H makes noise. Taker is run into a car...and
H pulls a sledgehammer out of the back seat. And there's the sledgehammer
to the gut! "your ass is MINE now. You don't screw with me, you
understand me?" As H raises the hammer over his head, two Security guys
rush in and grab H - he's ready to fight THEM off as well, but now the
*police* are here, hands on their guns (eerily reminiscient of another
infamous "cops ready to unholster" moment, isn't it?). H gives up and
holds out his arms - they cuff him. H STILL talking smack - Taker, too:
"Get his ass outta here before I get up!" H manages one more stomp on
Taker's chest before being led away by the cops. Taker bleeds some more
for our benefit before we head out...

When we come back, our hosts (LARRY &
JERRY) are still trying to get their
work area straightened out

Let Us Take You Back To Moments Ago - Ross proclaims H "a man possessed -
a man with the strength of ten men" - there's the monitor shots. Lawler
repeatedly states that Triple H has no business appearing on this show.
Back we go to what must have been Triple H's car - and there's the
sledgehammer to the....wow, that's really more of the...groinal area. At
least, from this angle.

Let Us Take You Back To During the Break, Triple H takes a ride in the
black and white

Talk somehow turns to the Rock's big "best April opening EVER" movie
opening - Lawler mentions the countless rave reviews from all the critics
- I'm not sure he and I have visited the same websites, but then again
maybe he got an advance viewing of

AT THE MOVIES WITH GOLDUST & BOOKER
T:
"Welcome to the Premiere Edition
of Goldust & Booker T At the Movies." "What up, dog." "Tonight, we will
be reviewing a cinematic tour de force entitled The Scorpion King.
Note the Fellini-esque way in which our protagonist must engage in his
goal, in his quest for salvation. The pahtos we feel is only underscored
by the magnaminous--" "Yo what the HELL you talkin' 'bout? Just roll the
damn footage!" (Rock's big entrance, archery, sword and "boo" scene -
which actually sounded more like "poo", but) "Now that's what I'm talkin'
about. That was a good movie! It was great, it had action, suspense,
comedy - it had it all! I give it two thumbs up. However, there was one
little problem: the Rock. Whoever said this guy could act, man?
Whoever said this guy was a movie star? Man, if I was in this movie, it
would have been over the top. It would have been a bigger smash than it
was, man!" "That really sounds....delicious." "You're damn right it
sounds delicious! Now THIS is what WOULDA happened if *I* was in this
joint. Roll that footage, man." Same scene, except we see T in place of
the Rock. "That's right! You suckas better FIND somewhere to run!
'cause it's me - Booker T - not only am I the Scorpion King, but I'm the
five-time WCW Champion - and I got a sword, too! Now can U dig THAT -
SUCKAAAAAS" "That's what I'm talking about! That was off da hook! That
was bizzy, man! This is movies, dog!" "Excellent performance, Book."
"Oh yes!" "But there's one thing missing - one thing that woulda made
this film a four star classic - one thing woulda made this film an Oscar
contender! That one thing is...(inhales) Goldust." "--the hell are you
talkin' about." Same scene - Goldust inhales, says "boooooo" and bites.
"As you can see, I should have been the Scorpion King." "You shoulda been
the Scorpion King?" "That's right." "Man, if you woulda starred in this
movie...they woulda called it The Scorpion QUEEN. AHHHHHHahahahahahaha -
hahahahahahahahaha!" "Tell me you did not just say that."
"Hahahahahahahaha!" This kinda ruled a lot.

TONIGHT:
Goldust & Booker T take on Bubba Ray & Spike Dudley!

Flair gets some coffee - Regal is already working on some pee - I mean,
tea. "Hey William - what's up, man." "Ah, Mr. Flair." "How are you?"
"Oh I'm wonderful, how are you, I mean I must congratulate you on your
wonderful job of refereeing last night. It was...rather a novel way to
count three on Stone Cold Steve Austin, wasn't it, when his little foot
was on the rope." "It was an HONEST mistake. I clearly did not see
Austin's foot on the rope. It was an accident." "Well, let me be the
first to congratulate you on your little 'accident.' Bye bye." Hey, why
exactly do all these people care so much about Austin getting screwed,
anyway? Doesn't affect THEM as far as I can tell...ah well, let's sit
through another ad break while we ponder such things

"WWF Divas: Tropical Pleasure" video/DVD ad

EDDIE GUERRERO
joins the commentary team for the next match...

MR. PERFECT (Minneapolis, Minnesota -
262 pounds) v. ROB VAN DAM (Battle
Creek, Michigan - 235 pounds - with Forceable Entry CD
cover) referee:
CHARLES
ROBINSON
van Dam gets some BOOM pyro added to his entrance
now. Spending a little too much time looking at Guerrero, van Dam finds
himself on the wrong end of a blindsiding by "Senor Perfecto." BIG "RVD"
chant. Forearm in the back, forearm, run into the apron, uppercut, chop,
thrown in the ring and the bell rings. Perfect with a fist in the back,
forearm, right hand, into the ropes is reversed, van Dam does the splits
underneath Perfect's leapfrog, van Dam with a monkey flip as Perfect
returns, van Dam kips up, dropkick puts Perfect outside. van Dam flips to
the apron and jumps off with a moonsault that takes Perfect to the floor!
OH MY GOD I THINK HE PISSED HIS PANTS van Dam with a right, back in the
ring, kick, elbow, into the opposite corner, tumbling run, Perfect evades
the monkey flip out, slips underneath van Dam and hits a nice super death
suplex. Perfect with a stomp. Chop, chop, snapmares him over, rolling
neck snap. "That's why I'm Mr. Perfect!" Oops, here comes van Dam - pops
him in the gut, elbow, elbow, elbow, kick, right, into the ropes is
reversed, back to back over the top, Perfect ducks the kick and grabs the
waistlock - van Dam elbows back twice to break it up, to the ropes, ducks
a swing from Perfect, Viscera kick finds the mark! 1, 2, Perfect kicks
out. Scoop...and a slam by van Dam. Spinning legdrop. Off the ropes
with Rolling Thunder - 1, 2, foot on the rope. Robinson, unlike Flair,
sees it. van Dam with the kick, kick, into the opposite corner, head to
the gut, head, superfluous backflip, up for the monkey flip but Perfect
blocks, puts two feet on the ropes and Robinson counts 1, 2, and then
catches Perfect and stops. You know, that's *twice* they COULD have
brought up how a "real" referee would notice feet on the rope as opposed
to Flair's failing to notice it, and both times none of the commentators
take the opportunity to put over the story - and it's not like they're
talking about anything else that's AS important...or, indeed, anything at
all. Arrrrrgh. van Dam tries a kick - it's ducked - *Perfect* tries a
kick - that's caught, and van Dam hits the stepover heel kick. van Dam
vaults to the top - Fivestar frog splash lands - 1, 2, 3.
(3:02) Guerrero
is in the ring - and gives van Dam a belt in the back of the neck - right,
right, right, right, death suplex. Guerrero isn't done - climbing up to
the top...frog splash MISSES!! van Dam back up - spinning roundhouse kick
connects and Guerrero heads out. Robinson holds back van Dam - play his
music!

The Slam of the Week is brought to you by 1-800-CAL-LATT! From Backlash,
Molly unleashes a verbal barrage on Trish Stratus - then adds a physical
barrage as well, with a mic to the throat and a whip into the STEEL steps

TRISH
STRATUS(Toronto,
Ontario - with the cover of Oxygen magazine) andJACQUELINE(Dallas, Texas - with RAW is brought to
you live by Stacker 2, Honda, and
truth) v. JAZZ (New Orleans, Louisiana) & MOLLY HOLLY (Mobile,
Alabama)referee: JACK
DOANYou know, the ONLY person saying Molly is
a virgin is Lawler. So either everybody but Lawler needs to get on the
right page...or Lawler does. Molly starts with Jackie - lockup, side
headlock by Jacqueline - elbow by Molly, elbow, into the ropes, Jackie
with a shoulderblock. Up and over off the ropes, Molly's hiptoss attempt
is countered; Jackie's is not. Arm drag by Jackie. Molly scoots back to
her corner and tags out. Jazz wants Trish, and Trish wants the tag - and
gets it - Trish ducks the swing, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm,
forearm, into the opposite corner is reversed, but nobody's home on Jazz'
splash. Arm wringer by Trish, chop, whip is reversed and Molly puts a
knee in Trish's back - then Trish runs into a clothesline. Leg is hooked,
1, 2, no. Two handfuls of hair for Jazz - there's the takedown. Off the
ropes - big splash MISSES. Tag to Molly - HOT TAG to Jackie! Right hand
puts Molly down, right, into the ropes, big back elbow, dropkick for Jazz,
spinning kick for Molly, leg is hooked, 1, 2, Jazz breaks it up. Here
comes Trish - she and Jazz spill outside - Jazz reverses a whip and Trish
AGAIN goes into the STEEL steps. Back inside - Molly reverses a whip into
the corner, and Jazz adds a belt shot to the back of the neck - Jackie
staggers into a clothelsine - Molly hooks the leg and gets the 1, 2, 3.
(2:17) Trish
back in the ring to check on Jackie - Jazz & Molly decide to
do a number on HER as well. Into the ropes, Trish ducks, Trish with a
double clothesline! Forearm for Molly - Jazz decides to head out. Play
TRISH's music! Shockingly, this match lasted ALMOST longer than the
entrances!

To Flair's office, where we find him talking to Anderson. "Man, I'm
frustrated. This is really gettin' the best of me, man. I go up to
people, they ignore me. People turn around when they see me comin', walk
the other way, hey I own the company. I mean, I need some resepct from
these people - I, I clearly did not count Austin out thinking his leg was
on the rope. You know that. You believe me, don'cha?" "(pause) Yeah -
yeah, Ric, I believe ya. I'm your best friend. But the fact is, there's
some crew members who don't believe ya...and there's some guys in the back
that don't believe ya - which would indicate to me there's probably some
people out in that audience, there's a lotta fans that don't believe ya.
I think, if I was you, I'd straighten it out. I'd go out there and I'd
tell 'em the truth." "Out in the crowd." "Yep. Go tell 'em the truth."
"You know what - that's a hell of an idea." "There you go." "That's what
I'm gonna do. And you know what, I'm not only gonna go out there and TELL
'em the truth, I'm gonna go out there and PROVE to 'em beyond the shadow
of a point - shadow of a doubt that I did not see Austin's leg on the
rope. I can prove it." "There you go - there you go." "That's what I'm
gonna do. Thank you. That's a hell of an idea." "Good luck." See,
Flair doesn't WANT to go out there - *it's Arn's fault*

WWF Excess is part of TNN's Slammin' Saturday Night - for people who don't
like to go out on Saturdays!

Here comes RIC FLAIR (with RAW Credits
& Transmitido en espanol SAP &
TV-14-DLV & CC) to bring us into the second hour.
"Thank you. I needed
that. I did not come out here tonight to make excuses; I came out here
tonight to set the record straight. Last night, at Backlash, as a special
guest referee...I did a lousy job. I made a mistake. Steve Austin's...
foot was clearly on the rope - I blew the call. And it's something I'll
probably have to live with for a long time. Clearly, taking the match
between Taker and Austin put me in a position I wasn't qualified to be in
- then you take the NWO walking down in the middle of the match, the
excitement of thousands of people, the magnitude of the event - I can
understand why Stone Cold is real upset with me. But I think, in a city
like this...if Ric Flair says something, you know it's gospel. ["Woooo!"]
And I'm that sincere... now. I would like them to play the footage of
what you saw last night, and why a lotta people are upset with me right
now." Let Us Take You Back to Last Night. "That looks like I made a bad
call - it looks like I saw Austin's foot on the rope and still counted him
out. That wasn't the case - please play this next footage." We get
Flair's angle - and it does indeed seem to show Taker's body shielding
Flair from seeing Austin's foot on the rope. "Now THAT'S - now that's
what I saw. I wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt Steve Austin. I
respect Steve Austin. I told him to his face he was The Man. And he is.
Hell I LIKE Steve Austin. Austin and I are friends. And I wanta take
this opportunity in front of the whole world...because Stone Cold is in
the building tonight...I want him to hear this. From the bottom of my
heart...Stone Cold, I apologise. That's right. From the bottom of my
heart, I--" and here's the breaking of glass bringing out
STONE COLD STEVE
AUSTIN...who makes his way to the turnbuckles, but
can't quite see work up
the wherewithall to climb them. Wait, THERE he goes. Austin gets a mic.
Flair looks at his feet as Austin speaks. "You're sorry? You apologise?
You made a mistake? You're standin' right there - tellin' me you made a
mistake - tellin' me you're sorry. I say you're fulla CRAP! ... You come
out here, showin' your little footage, flappin' your mouth, the bottom
line is - Stone Cold Steve Austin - ain't the #1 Contender - no more!
You talk about the gospel - I don't hear no church bells. The more you
sit there and whine about the mistakes you made, the more you piss me off!
You said you made a mistake last night? Look at me! I said look at me,
ya son of a bitch." Flair slowly raises his eyes to meet Austin's. "You
said you made a mistake last night? WHAT? You damn right! When you
screwed Stone Cold, you made the single - biggest - mistake - of your
life! And I don't care what you've done in the past. I don't care what
you're gonna do in the future." Austin grabs his chin. "I don't give a
rat's ass how many championships you've had--" "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
- sixteen championships! I didn't mean to interrupt you. I did not mean
to interrupt you. We gotta set the record straight, man. I made an
honest mistake last night. I did not bring the NWO down - I am not your
enemy, Stone Cold. And I sure as hell am not Vince McMahon." "You damn
right you ain't Vince McMahon - you don't look like Vince McMahon - you
don't talk like Vince McMahon - [sniffs him] - you don't smell like Vince
McMahon - but you know what? I'm startin' to wish you WERE Vince McMahon.
You know why? Because I'd rather deal with a sumbitch - that's gonna look
me in the eyes - and tell me he's gon' screw me - then deal with a
sumbitch like you - who's gonna look me in the eyes - shake my hand - pat
my back - say how good a friends we are - turn around - and screw me first
chance he gets! So what I got my eyes locked on them little beady eyes o'
yours, and since we're standin' here in my ring, and we are in
Missouri....and this is - and this is the Show Me state - since you showed
me all your footage - Stone Cold Steve Austin got something he wanta show
you - how 'bout THAT?" And he birds him. "I don't blame you for feeling
the way you feel - if the shoe were on the other foot, I'd feel the same
way. I screwed up. I've apologised. But in one night, I can make it all
right. I can do the right thing by you. Tonight, I can make sure the NWO
never screws with Stone Cold again. I'm gonna take that other badass
Texan Bradshaw - make him YOUR partner - versus the NWO. That's right!
Tonight, Stone Cold and Bradshaw versus the NWO! Right here in...St.
Louis, Missouri." The music plays and Flair walks off...before Austin can
tell him exactly what he thinks of that plan.

Here's a look at the dotcom - HOGAN DOES THE IMPOSSIBLE, it says - when
Hogan last held this title, there WAS no World Wide Web - chew on THAT.

BUBBA RAY & SPIKE DUDLEY (Dudleyville -
475 pounds - with Let Us Take You
Back 2 Weeks) v. GOLDUST (Hollywood, California - 250 pounds) and BOOKER T
(Houston, Texas - 251 pounds) referee:
NICK
PATRICK Wow, it must
make Richard Roeper SO happy that they keep comparing the gold and black
to "Siskel & Ebert." Actually, he probably couldn't give a rip, but
still. While they chat on the outside, Bubba presses Spike and throws him
to the floor onto both of them! Spike puts Goldust in for Bubba and we're
off. Right by Bubba, right, right, open-handed slap, again, head to the
buckle, in the corner, right, Goldustesque pose, double trap chop.
Dudley still in command - Goldust into the opposite corner, but finally
gets the boot up. Dudley comes back with a death suplex. Vaderbomb
MISSES! Kick by Goldust, right, right, into the ropes, Bubba ducks, Bubba
left, left, left, flip flop and fly (!) and elbow - one more fake Bionic
elbow, Bubba turns to Booker T on the outside and shakes his hiney with an
invitation to "kiss it" - then clotheslines down Goldust. Scoop...and a
slam - and a tag as Spike climbs to the top - PERRO AGUAYO! Spike comes
off the ropes with a flying forearm smash - 1, 2, no. Goldust swings and
misses - Spike rolls him up for 2. Right by Spike, into the ropes is
reversed, T with a knee in the back, Goldust with a clothesline. Spike
goes out, and T rams him into the steps while Patrick is occupied with
Bubba Ray. T drops him on the barricade, then throws him back in -
Goldust puts him into the ropes, then hits the butt butt. Tag to The
Book. Gutshot by T - to the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, stomp,
stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. Arm wringer - to the back kick. T folds him
up - but Spike kicks out at 2. Into the ropes, BIG flapjack by 2. Tag to
Goldy. Spike put into the ropes, head down, Spike tries the sunset flip -
Goldust makes his way to the ropes, but Bubba clocks him, breaking the
grip on the ropes, so Goldust falls back to complete the sunset flip - 1,
2, kickout! Hairpull takedown by Goldust. Stomp. Off the ropes with the
elbowdrop - 1, 2, no. Into the ropes, Goldust puts on the sleeper.
Bubba leads the clapping at ringside but Spike is fading fast. While
Goldust has this sleeper locked in, let's talk some more about Hogan.
Spike finally manages to elbow out - off the ropes, head down by Goldust,
hairpull takedown by Spike. Off the ropes, head in the gut by Spike.
Spike between the legs...but Goldust grabs him - Spike manages a mule
kick, though, and makes the HOT TAG! T gets the tag as well - Bubba
blocks, right, block, right, left right, left, slaps the chest, into the
ropes, big ol' sidewalk slam, right, right, in the corner, into the
opposite corner, clothesline, apron run clothesline for Goldust, T sneaks
in a gutshot, but Bubba reverses the whip attempt into a bodyslam,
elbowdrop, elbowdrop, wacky dancing, and double sledge. Spike goes up and
gets the tag - Spike sits on him for 2 but Goldust breaks it up. All four
men in the ring now - Bubba right on Goldust. Spike dumps T through the
ropes at the same time - they're left alone in the ring and the crowd gets
loud as Spike puts on the mean face and shoves Bubba. "Get the tables!"
Bubba dutifully goes outside and pulls a table out - but Goldust hits a
running clothesline before he can even do anything with it. Meanwhile, a
distracted Spike runs into a gutshot and axe kick from T - 1, 2, 3. Hey
you know I think both men were legal, too! (6:16) T helpfully provides
the post-match breakdance routine while Goldust points to him - Bubba Ray
in the ring and T out. Whoops, here's STEVEN RICHARDS with a
trashcan lid
- WHACK! Cover, hooks the leg and referee "Blind" Charles Robinson is in
position - 1, 2, NO! Richards tosses Dudley back outside...but Spike it
on him - Dudley 'dog - NO Richards blocks it, throwing him over the top to
the floor! Richards outside and having great difficulty setting up the
chair. Bubba's back up - clubbing blow to the back - and powerbomb
through the table!! Play his music 'cause he LOST! Bubba adds some wacky
dancing as well.

WWF FLASHBACK:
March 24, 1991 - Hogan pins Sgt. Slaughter at WrestleMania
VII to win his third WWF Championship, and become 17th WWF Champion -
damn, and he wouldn't even hook the leg

Kurt Angle (who does not appear on this show) shills getting tough on
angina

Take a look at the Savvis Center

Earlier Today, Stasiak talked to no one...or maybe the cameraman? "You
gotta sit back and analyse the situation and that somethin' that you--"
"Shawn - are you all right, man?" It's Tommy Dreamer and his 7-Eleven
Slurpee cup! "Why do you ask, Tommy? Do you think I'm a bit of a MANIAC?
Do you think that I've gone a little CRAZYAK?" "Shawn Shawn Shawn Shawn,
that's what I'm talking about. What's with this Planet Stasiak thing?"
"Oh, Tommy. Planet Stasiak is all about CHOICES and the sounds of the
VOICES that run through my head. Some may think it's WACKY while others
might thing it's TACKY but it CANNOT be IGNORE. So is my sanity under
ATTACK? Is it my mental faculties that I LACK? That's just another day
in the life of Planet Stasiak." William Regal has happened by to make a
funny face, and while Stasiak reacts to it, Dreamer takes his opportunity
to sneak away. "What the bloody hell are you doing? Have you gone
crackers, lad? You're rambling on about a fictitious planet that no one's
ever heard of, ya silly pillock. Jabbering on about 'crazyak' and Stasiak
and bloody choices and voices. Start talking some sense ya silly tart."
"Okay, Willie, don't get silly! Perhaps you have a lot of questions, and
perhaps tonight, you'll have a chance to explore Planet Stasiak.
Tonight, in the ring." "Listen, sunshine. I won't do it for the sweet
taste of victory, I'll do it for the chance to knock some bloody sense
into you!" OHHHHH I GET IT - Stasiak is the Ultimate Warrior! (It was
the snorting at the end that gave it away.)

Backstage, Flair, Anderson and the refs are on the run. They catch up to
the EMT's and Tony Garea, who are looking over a fallen Bradshaw.
Anderson tries to ask him who'd done this to him, but he's out cold and
not readily providing an answer. "Arn... I think I know who did it."
Flair walks off while Arn keeps trying. "JOHN!"

When we come back, it's the locker room...where Flair accosts the NWO.
"Can't wait 'til tonight, I never get tired of beatin' up Austin, I
never--" "Hey, guys. ...again." "What?" "You know what. Bradshaw is
unconscious and on his way to the hospital." "No! Is he gonna be okay?"
"I don't know if he is or not. But don't tell me you two weren't part of
it." "I don't know what you're talking about, Ric." "Yeah, you never do.
Either do you. The problem is I always know. And you guys clearly are
part of it." "Well Ric, I just got a question, if Bradshaw's hurt, he's
out. That means, uh--" "He's more than out - he's on his way to the
hospital...unconscious. "That's too bad!" "Well, that's really a shame,
but back to tonight, Ric, that means X-Pac & Hall against Austin all by
himself, right? Handicap." "No, no, rewind that, it means I'm gonna find
another partner for Austin right now. I'll be back. You'll find out who
it is real quick." "Oh, come on." We hear a toilet
flush...coincidentally, Kevin Nash appears. (Make your own joke - it's
fun!) "Ho ho ho! Did you guys get hollered at." Flair's back in. "Man -
surprises - it never ceases to amaze me. You, what are you doing here?"
"I'm just hanging around." "Yeah, you're out. You're suspended
indefinitely, you're not allowed in the building, you're not allowed to
hang around these guys during work." "Come on! Lighten up!" "You're not
allowed to hang around 'em, period..." "I'm driving 'em!" "...during
work, no you're not. You're out the door right now. You wanna go down
for life? That's right, for life. You know, NWO for life? Nash gone,
for life." "I'M GONE, BYE." Everybody sulks. "Hey, Flair, who's the
partner. Did you pick a partner there?" "As a matter of fact, I did.
It's gonna be NWO: X-Pack, Scott Hall against Stone Cold...and The Big
Show." "AHHHHHHHH" "Yeah. Right here, tonight, St. Louis, Missouri."

Again, Flair fails to tell X-Pac he's had more championships than he's had
pieces of ass.

WWF FLASHBACK:
December 3, 1991 - at Tuesday in Texas, in full view of
Jack Tunney, Hulk Hogan wins his fourth WWF Championship - and become the
19th WWF Champion

UP NEXT:
*Six*-time champion Hollywood Hulk Hogan!

Tough Enough 2 ad - aka "My Mom Is A Bitch Because I Sleep Around"

MR. OBVIOUS:
Damn, this show's got a lot of ads, doesn't it?

WWF FLASHBACK:
April 4, 1993 - at WrestleMania IX, Hulk Hogan pinned
Yokozuna to end his 128 second title reign - and simtulaneously make
everyone gathered in a Modesto apartment GROOOOOOOAN (And, in case you're
interested, that made him the 25th WWF Champion)

Fire up the voodoo chili - 66th WWF Champion YOU KNOW WHO is out and he's
got his belt on. You know, without getting too creative with the math,
Hogan can now claim up to fourteen times as champion - and darned if he
probably isn't STILL thinking of ways to lose and win it three more times,
just to pass up Flair once and for all. Well, let's listen to what he's
got to say. Poor Hogan, he can't find a way to put the mic to his lips -
not while he can still milk the crowd reaction. And yet, they're not
chanting his name like they always seem to do during SmackDown! - if you
catch my drift. "Man, it's STILL runnin' wild, isn't it? You know, the
first thing I've gotta say - as far as I'm concerned - Triple H, my man -
YOU deserve a rematch, brother. Because if it wasn't for the Undertaker,
maybe I'd be standing here the WWF Champion, and maybe I wouldn't. But
there's one thing I do know - that 18 years ago, January 23rd, 1984 in
Madison Square Garden, Hulkamania was born - AND, on April 21st, 2002,
Hulkamania was REborn - because last night, at Backlash, I became the
Undisputed World Wrestling Federation champion, brothers! But when I
think back to last Thursday - when I think back to last Thursday's
SmackDown!, Vince said 'what'cha gonna do, brother - what'cha gonna do,
Hulk Hogan, when reality comes crashin' down on you? Well, Vince, thanks
to all my Hulkamaniacs - [removes belt] - I'm holdin' reality right here
in my hand, brother - I'm walkin', and I'm talkin', and reality is right
here in my hand, because I am the WWF Champion." Whoa did you hear his
voice CRACK? "As far as my run goes, if it ends this week, or my run ends
next week, or it runs any time soon. OR, if the big man upstairs calls my
number and I have to leave here tomorrow, then by God, I'll leave here a
happy man, because Hulkamania, as of right now is alive, and it's well,
and it's runnin' wilder than it's ever been. But you know something,
maniacs, I didn't get to the top of the mountain by myself. It was all
you Hulkamaniacs that helped me get there - that's right - and you know
something maybe it was destiny, but as far as I'm concerned, I believed in
the power of the Hulkamaniacs - and Undertaker, YOU better believe in the
power of the Hulkamaniacs - because Undertaker, what'cha gonna do,
what'cha gonna do at Judgment Day, Taker - what'cha gonna do, brother,
when Hulkamania, and all my Hulkamaniacs run wild on..." and nobody
completes the catchphrase very loudly, so the whole thing ends up sounding
kinda....umm....tepid. GOOD OL' JR: "What a great reception here tonight
live in St. Louis!" Golly, but you sure can tell the difference between a
live RAW and a post-produced SmackDown!, can't you? Hey, play the Hendrix
again! THEN, they spend a full minute watching Hogan's posing
routine...ohh, I've got an uneasy feeling about this whole situation - and
it ain't getting better

UP NEXT: Stone
Cold & Big Show v. X-Pac & Scott Hall!

Forceable Entry CD ad

Lita shills Stacker 2 - again

Behind the Scenes at The Scorpion King: swords are heavy - wait, didn't I
see this before? Man, I was hoping once the movie opened we wouldn't have
any more of these fluffy...hey wait, Rock isn't even supposed to be ON
this show! QUAAAAAAK QUAK QUAK QUAK QUAK QUAK QUAK

SCOTT HALL (Miami, Florida) & X-PAC
(Minneapolis, Minnesota) (492 pounds -
with 1-800-CAL-LATT presents Judgment Day - it's coming!) v. THE BIG SHOW
(Tampa, Florida - 500 pounds) and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN (Victoria, Texas
- 252 pounds)referee: Hebner X-Pac wears
the now ubiquitous Kane
mask. You know, I'll forgive everything - EVERYTHING else that's happened
tonight if I can just get ONE good, classic Big Show imitation outta Hall
in this match. Hall and X-Pac cower behind Hebner as Show comes out -
heh. Austin listens to his imaginary watch as he heads to the ring.
Austin doesn't deny the fans his four corner climb THIS time. Show
volunteers to start it off and Austin lets him. Both men decide to come
in to face Show - no, looks like 'Pac going into a Karate Kid routine.
Austin gives 'Pac a bird and walks to his corner. Here we go. Lockup,
Show shoves 'Pac to the mat. 'Pac holds his neck and tags out. Hall
puffs up his chest (well, that's CLOSE - but not quite), then puts his
toothpick in Show's face. Lockup, and Show shoves HIM away. Hall
expresses some fear...then points to Austin. Well, that's ONE idea.
Show asks Austin if he wants in - and Austin finally makes the tag.
Crowd digs it. Here we go. Gutshot by Austin, right, right, right,
right, right, right, free shot for X-Pac, Hall into the ropes, head down,
big kneelift (and slap in the back for effect) by Hall. Hall goes to
work. Right hand, right, right, tag to X-Pac. "Yeah, you're not so tough
now!" Kick, right, chop, right, into the ropes is reversed by Austin,
head down, but Austin makes it work with the spinebuster. Hall in - HE
gets a spinebuster. 'Pac into the corner - ten heads to the buckle,
running over to Hall as he tries to get back into it and there's a right
by Austin - stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp stomp stomp
stomp stomp stomp, stomp - X-Pac's head to the buckle, chop, chop, chop,
chop, chop, into the opposite corner - and into Hall, who's still there.
Stomp on both, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp. Austin stops long enough to get an earful from Hebner...and
responds as you might expect, telling him he's #1. 'Pac draped across the
second rope - Boss Man straddle. Looking for the same on Hall, but he
moves out of the way...and Austin ends up crotching the rope. 'Pac adds a
clothesline to put him down. 'Pac goes to work - axehandle. Tag to Hall
- held open for the right hand. Scoop...fallaway slam, Hall leaving his
feet on it. Austin reaches for the tag - not close enough - Hall with a
stomp. Discus right. Tag to X-Pac. In the corner, X-Pac omits a kick
from his usual trifecta. Into the friendly corner, and 'Pac tags out
again. Right by Hall, into the ropes is reversed, Hall ducks the elbow
but not the Austin press as he comes back - Austin with six quick rights,
then off the ropes with the Up Yours elbow. Leg is hooked, X-Pac rapidly
breaks it up. Austin in the corner - Hall stomps, stomp, stomp, stomp.
Austin pulls himself up but Hall kicks him again. Time for the abdominal
stretch - Hall reaches back for X-Pac's hand and that all-important extra
leverage. Crowd boos and X-Pac holds a finger to his lips in an attempt
to shush them (ha!) That's twice they've gotten away with it. I think
Hebner's gotten wise - sure enough, on the third attempt, Show gets Hebner
to look behind them and see the shenanigans - there's the trademark kick
by Hebner to break it up, and Austin promptly hiptosses Hall to turn it
back around - right, right, right, right, right, into the ropes, head
down, Hall with a kick - a clothesline - a 2. Hall covers again - 1, 2,
no. One more cover - 1, 2, no! Hall tags out. But 'Pac runs into
*another* spinebuster - Austin with nine rights - Hall in and stomping on
Austin - no effect - 'Pac put into the ropes, ducks the backhand, lands
the spin kick - covers - but only gets 2! Tag to Hall - held open for the
right hand. Hall whips Austin into the corner and follows with a
clothesline. Another cross-corner whip, another follow lariat. Into the
ropes, Austin reverses - and puts on the sleeper. Hall fights out, puts
Austin in the ropes and HE puts on the sleeper. Hmm, that's an
interesting way to call the sleeper. Show leads claps on the outside -
he's been out of this match a long, long time. Hebner checks in - arm
falls once, arm falls twice, arm doesn't fall thrice - Austin manages a
Stunner-alike to break it up - and Hall is LUMBER. Austin is ready to tag
- no, X-Pac puts a forearm in his back to prevent that. Hall over to tag
- X-Pac spending too much time dancing his way over because Austin MAKES
THE TAG! Both X-Pac and Hall drop to their knees and beg off - DOWN COME
THE STRAPS - ohhhh sheeeeeeit Show turns rouns and gives Austin
ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAM. Fuck, they did it - they actually DID it. GOOD
OL' JR: "THE BIG BASTARD JUST CHOKESLAMMED AUSTIN ALL THE WAY TO HELL!
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? My God, has the Big Show joined the NWO? My God,
the Big Show!" "Theme from NWO" plays and Show, Hall and X-Pac raise
their arms. (No contest?
7:30?) "What a no good bastard, The Big Show -
chokeslammin' Austin - my God, I can't - can you imagine what this means?"
Ohhhhh.....in fact, yes.