… and sooner or later, everyone will find out. Sooner, I guess, since I’m telling you…

It’s happening again. I’ve written three posts since last night and I’ve trashed them all. They’re crap.

Aaaand… I just wrote a paragraph here in this post and deleted it.

WTF?

I can’t figure out what I want to say. Or how to say it. Or if I have anything to say at all.

It used to be that I had so much to say… whether it was fiction, poetry, an idea for a blog post… I’d be grabbing my laptop, notebook, phone, post-it note… whatever I could get my hands on to write at every spare moment. I still grab whatever’s around when I have a thought… but those thoughts… they’re disappearing. I feel so… uninspired.

It’s not just writing. It’s my art/design, too… I had ideas bouncing all over the place just days ago… and now… I have nothing. Well, nothing good.

It feels like any ‘success‘ I’ve found with art or writing was a fluke. It feels like I’ve been pretending to be a writer… an artist. But the truth is coming out… the jig is up.

It feels like lies. All lies. And by the way… this is why I both want and fear finding a dream job as a writer or an artist. Because my inspiration is fickle. What happens when I have to do a job… but I’ve got no ideas? What then? Shouldn’t a writer be able to write? Shouldn’t an artist be able to create?

Okay, I can do those things, technically… but lately, with minimal inspiration, not well.

I guess I’m having a ‘block‘. But that just feels like an excuse… a label for my inadequacy. It doesn’t make me feel better. And of course it changes nothing.

“It happens to everyone…” I don’t want to hear that any more than a middle-aged guy with a sexual dysfunction wants to hear it.

It makes me feel like a fraud. And someone’s going to find me out. Oh wait… everyone is going to find me out… because I just told you everything…

• • •

[Just watch… tomorrow I’ll find inspiration and then I’ll look like a nutball for posting this. But if I can have my inspiration back, I can live with that.]

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About what sandra thinks

Sandra is a writer, blogger, poet, artist, emotional disaster. She thinks far too much and sleeps far too little. Sandra lives in the Northeastern U.S. but dreams of an oceanfront home in Hawaii where she could learn to surf. She loves books, brutal honesty, coffee, and the color black. She hates insincerity, beer, whipped cream, and facebook. And she is uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.

Definitely a frustrating place to be. Perhaps expose yourself to an artistic style you’re not familiar with? Go easy on yourself, too. Artists that become machines are probably not artists anymore. Good luck!

That’s true… I don’t want to become a machine. I could try something entirely different. Although I must admit, if I do that and I suck at it, I bet it will frustrate me. I’m too hard on myself and too much of a perfectionist…! Thank you!

You, and we, know better than that. Simply go for a walk, observe people or things or a pile of leaves or a dude cleaning his windows. Whatever. Something will come to you. But putting this much pressure on yourself is counter-productive, man. Your brain is running a 24 hour sprint. Relax, breathe. Mojo is a fickle friend. You know it’ll be back. But forcing it when it’s not willing is a recipe for frustration. I firmly disbelieve (Is that a word? No wonder I suck at Scrabble) the title of this post, by the way. 😏

Oh but I have been turning my attention to other things hoping it’ll help. It’s just not happening. I was singing with the radio in the car this afternoon and suddenly I realized that I was in a decent mood which is not allowed because of my job situation. And… then I felt crappy again. It’s hard to distract myself when every thought ends with that job/crappy mood/not allowed to feel good situation. When I get write… or get lost in some art project… I don’t get to that ‘not allowed’ place nearly as easily. It gives me a break… but I can’t seem to get one right now. Or… you know… ever.

Hahahaha! It is a word? Wow, I didn’t think it was. And, you gotta chill on the guilt thing. I know. Before you say it, yes, easier said than done. But you have to start talking yourself out of that tree, man. Somehow. No matter what crazy shit the universe throws ones way, you have the right to smile, sing, laugh, cry, just….be. Whatever. Quit telling yourself you’re not allowed. You most certainly are.

Overrule it. When you feel it coming on, be aware of it, own it, then tell it to fuck off. Get pissed at it. Tell it that you are the boss, and you’re done being bullied by it. I’m serious. Talk to “it” as if hat guilt were someone sitting next to you, a live entity. Because it is, in a way. You’ve made it into a 1,000lb gorilla. Take your life back from it.

Hi Sandra. I feel like that too a lot of the time. I guess it’s because writing is sort of a lonely thing and we get feedback very rarely. We are our own worst critic. Don’t give up, as long as you are writing yo are a writer x

I hear you and totally sympathize. I haven’t written anything new in months except those semi-lame updates on my revisions and editing tasks. I’m going to skip the cliches because I hate them as much as you do! However, I’m counting on weathering this gloom and coming out on the other side. You will too. ❤️

I am just so frustrated. I feel like I must be the most boring person on earth for not being able to think of things to write/post/make. Maybe I did it to myself… I made a ton of holiday card designs for the shop… and now I feel like I have no other ideas and I hate Christmas. And it’s only September. LOL

I don’t think the other nagging things on my mind (well, the one main thing) are helping either… Sigh… ♥

Sounds like you brain might need a rest. After that burst of activity added to some major stress and it’s no wonder… Take a break. You’re still writing as you ‘journal’ here on your blog. That’s something! ❤

I hope so. I know I shouldn’t but I keep forcing myself… I can’t bring myself to just stop and take a break. I guess there’s always the chance that even if I think what I write sucks, someone else will like it… 🙂

I think that we all feel like we’re living a lie some of the time..or most of the time 😛 Totally relate to that feeling. Do I really know what I’m doing or did I just get lucky to make it this far? It’s all a lie, they’re all going to find out! Truth is, no one really know’s what they’re doing. We’re all just doing the best we can, and that’s no lie. Something will come to you eventually, something always does.

I guess we all do feel like that, don’t we? Some people really seem to have it together but maybe even they don’t know what they’re doing. I think I grow very impatient when I’m stuck like this… I hate not being able to write…!

I did that for years. Sometimes a poem would rreappear that i thought wasnt that great. But, years later, i realized i was being too critical and that the poem was great. Give yourself a chance and dont be ao hard on yourself!

I completely understand this and connect to it on a high level. I can never figure out concepts for my artwork, but then I see other people’s art and I just become crazy jealous because I want their imagination and want to know how they can think of these amazing concepts. So I completely understand what you’re saying in this post.

This is so true! As an amatuer ‘self-proclaimed’ writer myself, I feel like I lack in inspiration and motivation when it comes to writing things outside of assignments.. I often have the doubt that I’m not good enough, that my writing, as you said, is a fluke, and tht I am a fraud. But I think thats the thing, there isn’t really any such thing as originality. I think, for me anyway, I focus so hard on producing original never-before-seen content, that I forget what it is I really want to say. I completely understand what you’re going through, I’ve experienced it myself so many times.

The lack of inspiration is very frustrating. It’s been going on for quite a while for me and I hate it! It definitely makes me feel like I’m a fraud! I’m glad people understand. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this!

Honestly, in my opinion, the fact that you bravely wrote this post proves to me that you are not a fraud. Admitting to our flaws is part of being a writer! You seem pretty dang real to me. Good luck breaking through this fog

I know exactly how you feel. I was feeling pretty useless last week because I couldn’t write, sketch, or paint. At some point, I was sitting on the kitchen floor crying with an entire tray of brownies. I feel a lot better this week, I’m launching a new blog, I’m painting (still can’t sketch). I think it’s just part of being an artist or writer, you’re always sharing and maybe sometimes your creative nature just needs a little break. The fantastic news is that it doesn’t last. You’ll be back to your inspired and creative self soon enough.

Sorry to hear you have been bitten by the inadequacy bug! Mine is generally a large, black thing with sixteen legs, beady little eyes that glow red at night and a couple of large fang-like protuberances sprouting from what could be described as a mouth if it wasn’t a gaping hole of doom. I call him Fred. When I’m really stuck I think about things that make me feel, whatever that feeling may be (love, hope, angst, fear, hatred…anything). I focus on it and then put pen to paper in a stream of consciousness experiment. Whatever comes out, and it is usually garbage, I leave for a while and then have a look at it a few days later. Generally there is a word or a line or two that captures my interest. I pull that bit out and start writing something based on that. Generally I get into some sort of flow and I am inspired again. One thing I do know for sure, sitting staring at a blank page is the WORST way to try and get over a block. I also meditate to have hallucinations and out of body experiences. All sorts of weird ideas come from that. I hope you get back on track soon.

I understand completely, it’s a horrible feeling and makes you wonder if you are on the right page in your life. The meditation thing is really good, also useful if you are stressed or just down in general. Good luck!

I tend to lay in bed listening to a 30 minute guided meditation track from a psychotherapist I had several years ago. I did a pain management course for my rheumatoid arthritis and the meditation was the most helpful part of the whole thing. I’ve got an mp3 version of the track if you’d like to try it?

I’ve been feeling like this for days as well! But I try to remember that writing is a necessary compulsion, and as blah or as blocked as I sometimes feel about it, I NEED to do it just as much as I need to breathe and eat.

Keep writing and remember that everyone is worried about being a fraud!

I am always amazed at how many people I find who understand what I’m going through at pretty much any given time. You’re right, though… I need to write so I do it anyway even if I hate the results. Sometimes, I go back to those writings later and find something redeeming in them…

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