FH and I have been kind of wishy-washy on whether we want kids (I’m the WORST about it). Sometimes, I’ll feel like I really do want one someday (probably in a couple of years), but I think the commitment that comes with having a child scares me or something. FH says he’ll support my decision no matter what, but would like us to be more stable financially before we TTC, if I do decide I’d like kids (He really doesn’t mind either way, whether we have one ourselves or eventually adopt). Part of me thinks he’d like a biological child, and I would, too, but there are other issues that would need to be dealt with first, like my hypothyroidism…I’d have to have my meds changed to a more baby-friendly dosage a few months before we start TTC, and would need to have my blood tested at least once a month to make sure my TSH levels aren’t out of control.

I’ve always sort of been of the mindset that kids would be nice, but I’m vain and don’t want to mess up my body (which sounds horrible, I know)! My cousin had a baby this morning, though, and when I went up to see her…wow. I was so overwhelmed by the love in that room and everything else that I started feeling like maybe I DO want a child at some point.

Now, I know that it’s baby fever talking, lol. But I’m starting the questioning cycle all over again: Do I want kids? I know having one would make FH very happy, since he likes kids a lot, but am I patient enough? Would I be a good mom? And on and on, you know? I had a very rough childhood (my mother was abusive and neglectful, among other things–I was eventually placed with my aunt and grandmother, who raised me) and am a little nervous that I’ll mess it all up by being a crappy mom because I have zero maternal instinct. I don’t have siblings and I was still young when my youngest cousin was born, so I haven’t had a ton of experience with babies/kids. I don’t feel natural around them like most ladies my age (and even younger), which is a BIG part of my hesitation.

If you’ve made it this far, reading all this, you’re a hero! But I guess I just have one question: How did you know you wanted children?

We don’t. I know that’s not helpful, but we both flip-flop as well! We are not inherently kid-people. I’d say that you’d be best just waiting until you both are sure you want kids for at least 6 months-1 year straight. It’s not exactly something you can take back!

@lilyfaith: Definitely! LOL. I know it’s a HUGE lifestyle adjustment and I’ve never seen myself as the mom-type, but FH sees me interact with his little niece and stuff and says things like, “You know, I think you’d make a pretty good mom!” And I don’t see that quality in myself, so I get confused.

This is probably not going to be helpful, but I’ve always known I wanted to have kids. I have the strongest maternal instinct you’ll ever see.

Sometimes I freak out about the physical aspect of it though. Like having this baby inside of you and then somehow pushing it out (OMG Scary!) and losing my figure and stuff… but I figure it will all be worth it in the end.

@tall_jenny: Honestly, the physical aspect (well, labor, anyway) doesn’t scare me too much, probably because I have known some INTENSE physical pain, lol. My cousin did the water birth thing and she said that although there was a point where she was like, “OMG I neeeeeed drugs!” it wasn’t terrible. Not a walk in the park and it did hurt, but she didn’t scream or anything…which I took to mean she’s literally a Viking, lol.

We go back and forth a lot. We’re definitely hesitant to dive in. I hope this doesn’t sound bad, but neither of us are really baby people. I think they’re cute, but kind of get bored of them quickly. They say it’s different with your own kids, but what if it’s not??

Plus, the double income, no kids stage is pretty nice. I’m not always sure we’re ready to give up having lots of time for ourselves and disposable income.

We’re about 98% in the no kids camp. The older we get, the more annoying we find children to be. I know people say it’s different with your own kids, but I just don’t know.

We may change our minds, but we really don’t have much longer to change our minds. We wouldn’t have them until after we’re married, and I’ll be 32 when we get there. We don’t know how our lives would work with kids, either. I’m in law school, and will likely be working a lot right after I first get out. He’s a chef who wants to own his own restaurant. We will always be on opposite work schedules for the rest of our lives.

@buttontoes: Oh, that’s true, too–the work thing. I plan on doing some sort of writing, which is easy enough to do from home, and FH wants to get into ironworking. But at the same time, do I really want kids milling about while I’m trying to write? I think one child would be more manageable, but not for at least a few (meaning 4-5 minimum) more years. Hmm…

I’ve always had a strong need to take care of animals and people. I’d always wondered if I wanted kids because I work with teenagers right now and I know that my career is important to me. As soon as I held my soon to be nephew though for the first time though it became incredibly obvious to me and my fiance that we definitely want kids, we just want to wait maybe 3-4 years at least before we start trying or at least not trying to prevent pregnancy (we think 25 is a good age to stop trying to prevent it and 27 is a good age for us to actually actively attempt to conceive).

There’s always adoption…the wanting to have a bio. child, I think, stems from FH’s (and my) curiosity about what our kids would look like, act like, etc. But there are SO many children who need good homes, kids who were in the same situation as me but not so lucky to have another relative who could take them in. Plus, that option’s open forever–not like you’re pressured to do it before your clock stops ticking, you know?

@Statutory Grape: We actually have talked about having two biological kids then if we’re still wanting to be parents adopting an older child that isn’t considered as much for adoption when we get a little bit older.

@mandb122: We thought about having a biological kid and then adopting a child of the opposite sex, but we don’t really want more than one to begin with. Sometimes I feel like I want to take care of something other than the cats, but a child is a HUGE commitment. =/

@Statutory Grape: Yeah we definitely want to make sure we’re ready to have kids. We know you can’t ever be totally ready financially or emotionally but we want to get as close to it as we can. We would be fine with one (and know it’ll be a handful for us) but both of us want our children to have someone else to play with while at home as I was pretty much raised as an only child (I have a half-brother who lived with his dad 12 hours away from me).