Wednesday, 2 January 2008

Ireland today is awash with rumour and speculation that the US is planning a shock attack on the sacred Isle in response to the recent outburst on Grafton Street in Dublin by James Lynch.
The unexpected outburst by Lynch — previously only known for his luxurious handlebar moustache, alcoholic tendencies, debonair looks, fire-juggling skills — has sent tremors through the political world. However, in Lynch"s local pub, the regulars are overjoyed with his speech. One man in particular regaled our correspondent with tales of how Lynch bought him a bottle of cider and gave him 20p for a cup of tea after his speech.
A spokeswoman for the US, known only as Condi "Deep Throat" Rice let slip some extra details to waiting journalists. It appears the CIA has tracked down two copies of an illegal film Weapons of Ass Destruction to a house in Baggot Street. "Now Ireland has a potentially an unstable potential terrorist, it is vital we act now to remove the "weapons" before they fall into the wrong hands," she told us, visibly shaking and moaning in horror. "Karl Rove and I need to be in possession of the 'Weapons' so we can ensure they are disposed of properly."
So far there has been no official comment from the White House, on the comment, that Bush is a cunt but it is known President Bush is currently holding an important meeting with a Homeland Security officer known only as Cleatus in Redneck, Mississippi.
Meanwhile Ireland has been put on full alert, preparing its army in case of a land invasion. Lynch was quick to distance himself from his past as a purveyor of crap dance tracks and s*hite music videos, and told us how excited he was about taking on his new role, as a primary agitator especially due to the positive effect it could have on back catalogue sales..Below is a video evidence, banned by the corporate media of Lynch's outrageous outburst.