Welcome to ConBag, a daily roundup of gossip from the Democratic National Convention, which we are attending for four very long days.

PHILADELPHIA—Wednesday evening, America’s dads, Joe Biden, Tim Kaine, and Barack Obama, as well as America’s unpleasant rich uncle, Michael Bloomberg, sat us down and gave us an attitude check: “Mom is coming back from her business trip, and you’d better be excited to see her.”

Advertisement

While yeah, sure, of course we’ll give mom a hug when she gets off the plane, it was thrilling to see Dads do their thing without her. In his speech, Dad Joe called Michelle Obama “kid,” used the word “malarky,” and called another kid “sonny,” which felt great. Dad Tim showed us he knew plenty of español, even as much as we do and we’re in A.P. Spanish. Dad Barack made it clear he’ll always be there to love us and push us to do well, even after he moves out in a few months.

And then Mom Hillary surprised us by being home early, and came out to hug Barack and show us that they still loved each other and it wasn’t about us; time had to pass and Barack couldn’t stay anymore because it is just against the law and we have accept it.

We are currently on the hunt for this woman:

Mainly to take a photo with her and say, “You rule.”

Chelsea Clinton says if Hillary wins, Bill might like to be called “First Laddie.” [Time]

The Xfinity Grill next to the arena is really messed up, and won’t let two nice female reporters sit at a big booth alone, but will let two middle-aged men do the same. [My life]

Republicans are mad that Bradley Cooper (American Sniper himself) is at the DNC. [Daily Beast]

On Wednesday evening, the Wells Fargo Arena was so packed that security wouldn’t let people leave their seats even to pee or else their seat would be permanently given up.