Flies in our soup, Never! However, after several hairy footy stars visited the club last night, we have a dreadfully 'bad hair-day' to deal with!

Neymar, ordered spaghetti and, during a binging orgy of wildest Brazilian, half-naked babes stripping and swinging, fronted by our own, Volga Olga, he tipped a plate of the stuff on his head, and King Cantona followed!

Sadly, Neymar, had to play, and the spaghetti was so sticky, it got stuck, so he ended up looking like a complete twat during the game against the stubborn Swiss marauders who normally melt their cheese and, ski down hills!

Then, Carles Puyol, former wild man from Barcelona, let his hair all hang out at the wild orgy, got totally 'boraccho' and, rushed to his private helicopter for an interview with the sons of Khomeni. His 'wild-man' look got looks of disapproval from Khomeni's SS, who make sure Iranian men keep their mouths shut and act like real men (apart from their footy players who wear pink footy boots!), and lock their women up behind black robes covering them from head to foot.

So we welcomed Carlos Puyol back just in time for Volga Olga to give him a complet 'hair job' from head to foot, and he loved it, muchas gracias!!

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