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My friend Abe has been working on a new video project/site called The Man’s Guide To Love, which launched this month and will evolve over the next year. He and three other filmmakers ask hundreds of men from around the country to talk, man to man, about love and relationships, and release one new statement a day.

A lot of guys on the site so far seem to think that the best way to keep a woman happy is to nod your head and say nothing more than “Yes, dear.” This horrifies me. It’s the kind of philosophy that causes men to resent their spouses and women to think their husbands are pussies. I mean, I want to be right all the time–but that’s because I’m an Asian and therefore never wrong right all the time, not because some penis-for-brains is too lazy to disagree with me. Ick!

But I don’t quite know how I feel about today’s man, Edward. He’s a 29-year-old with a grungy demeanor, who claims he “always be closin’” with the ladies (which I somehow believe).

Edward says: “You gotta sell dreams… Tell them what they want to hear, just sell them the dream. Put your pride down a little bit, and then tell em what they want to hear, that’s all I gotta say. After that, just keep quiet, keep everything to yourself, y’know, rat to your boys. After that, it’s all good.”

NOT FAIR. NOT FAIR TO PULL OUT SUCH A SECRET WEAPON. WHO CAN RESIST THAT LITTLE HAIRDO WITH THE TEENY BOW? THOSE LITTLE STICK LEGS? THE CUTIE-PATOOTIE FROCK??? THAT FACE??

Ugh. We’re definitely going to have to go see the movie now. But if we have to endure Miley Cyrus’s ugly mug, or hear “love” more than 6 times in one theater sitting without any cunnilingus to break it up, those fuckin’ kids are gonna owe us each 14 bucks.