“Some Daily thoughts, a bit of mental therapy, published weekly or so…”

"Sorrow has made me who I am. It has been the refining fire that has honed my resolve and sharpened my purpose. Without ties to our ancestors, we are lonely specks of dust, adrift and floating, attached to nothing and no one".~Tess Gerritsen ~

Out to Dinner with my Mother.

This is a video I shot from my Mother’s apartment, third floor, on the first day opening of school. They took the traffic signals off and placed instead one Police Woman to direct the traffic. I understand this had been going on for two years now without an accident, no honking and no traffic jam… Watch the Dogs of their leash !

First day of School in Munich

And what is it about this "space" that brings me back? Over and over announcing as we land with a change of props and costumes inner and outer? And what is it that at the same time throughout further acts it kicks me out with this thirst and hunger to explore what is not here? Sometimes as the present flies away so fast as a bird of prey with slippery feathers with no hold of this wanderlust so never decreasing, questions boggles and hunts my mind.

You got to love Public Transportation!

We are here, these few acres I call "The Oasis" as feeling everyone should have an "Oasis" as such. It feels as it has been a long Journey this time around. "Terra Explorer" is sitting with no miles yet on these trails already mapped out in my mind, the ones "Old Faithful" could not quite handle. She will be here also soon as I keep hearing myself over and over "too much stuff". We have only been here a few hours. It was a bit warm but bearable and tonight a cloudless sky has welcomed us with the sound of a silence so much we seek for. A few lights on the horizon which is not quite dark yet, I am exhausted. Spirit is already snoring and yet my hunger to stay up on this first night is not letting me go to sleep.

After Dinner of course.

I looked at the calendar today and I see it is Sunday. We have been here barely a day and the "twilight zone" seemingly has already started. I actually did not look at a calendar, one looked at me as I am waiting for some extra parts for "Terra Explorer" and some minimal camping gear. Less is becoming so much more. I always have these visions dealing with materialism while our Home is the road, they become worse [or better!] when we arrive at "The Oasis" which right now I feel is overflowing for more reasons than one. It is a stop, it is a lounge chair for us, it is an amazing time for more reasons than one on this path which proclaims right here and right now as both a finish and a starting line throughout the year.

We can do with so much less and ironically the mind has become overcrowded having nothing to do with this Life on the road. Not it’s material aspect. I had no doubt I knew visiting my Mother for a couple weeks was going to bring on such a congestion of thoughts. She does well, yet 85 is 85 and so far away considering including the most positive thinking on how well she takes care of herself, witnessing her Life has brought on so many questions including such lack of time spend together. I feel as I have hit an impasse as being with a mind of her own moving to this country might just not happen. She has a good Life there, a nice place to live, public transportation is more than adequate, Friends. There would only be one reason and one reason only for her move. To be closer.

The Sun again is rising this morning on this silenced space, the answers are not. It is impossible for us to move back to Europe. All has changed so much. If I were to use one word or two it would be "tight" and "expensive". A left shoulder injury has left me right now a bit stagnant as even riding has become impossible and instead I started writing my Book and thinking. It is ironic as the thoughts have been of a thousands of miles away followed by phone calls, followed by the simple reply "I will move when I am ready". How strange can Life be as the pages keep turning and the reading keeps on going while printed forever helpless of it’s outcome.

I feel a bit caged up these past days. The words "in limbo" comes to me as I look at what I am trying to accomplish for this winter, this "stuff" portrayed which will come along, and yet thinking about my Mother’s inexistent company at a time when it should not be as such. This was a comment left, an appreciated one, but what is one suppose to do now? Is my own Journey so important or is it now that time to let go as the circle of Life closes in? Hers. I really don’t know.

"Everybody pulls with him his own baggage of life experiences and apparently only those who have traveled themselves a lot seem to keep their mind wide open for to understand others. Although my parents, Aunt (who grew me up) and godfather to their time weren’t in too bad shape there was no way to move them even for a visit to Costa Rica of a few months. Now there is only my mother left and all she will do is, cross over the pasture to the golf course for a swing, but get her into a plane over the Atlantic seems nearly impossible. You will need all possible persuasion. I wish you all the best luck" Thank You Sven for understanding.

Well … here are my thoughts. As a mother I cherish my children and every moment I have to spend with them. I anticipate their phone calls or emails and dote on all their stories. I love hearing about every moment of their days. BUT … their lives and their experiences are their journeys. I am still living my own. I know that they love me. They know that I love them. We never fail to end a conversation with those words. If I lived next door to them and saw them every day we might be tempted to take each other for granted. I decided long ago that I never wanted to become a burden or a responsibility to my children, so I would make sure that my planning for the later years of my life did as much as possible to insure that. There are no guarantees, of course, but I hope to always be independent. If your mother, Ara, seems to be happy and settled and safe and cared for in her present daily life … if she has not expressed worries about being alone or lonely … if she is active and interested and social and enjoys her home, then moving to another continent and living in a strange place among strangers is probably not something she is anxious to do, even to please you or be near you. Will she know that you love her any better if she is closer? Will your relationship be any stronger if she changes her whole existence just to come to a country where her quality of life is sure to be less comfortable? She is 85 … but ONLY 85. If she wants to move to the US, I am sure that she is the kind of lady who will tell you in words that you cannot mistake. If she has not chosen to do so, then she is content to remain where she is. She is certainly aware that you love to be with her and wish her closer. I think that is all you need to do. A visit might be great … but your worlds are very different, your journeys are very different. In her head, you are always going to be that curly haired tyke in the pedal-car. She can keep you there and hear stories and see photos of the Oasis and thrill to your other adventures without having to leave the comfort of her home. She loves you.

Always the “wise” words Carol. I so appreciate your Friendship. There is really nothing I can add. And you are correct. If we lived near by, well… it would not be the same. She is thinking, and glad she can afford it, to come maybe 3 months out of the year. The winter months when all is ice and snow in Munich. She will when she is ready, not when I am ready. Understandable. Thank You…