These are the roles reserved for women of colour on
screen.And they’re all true
reflections... to an extent. The renderings are necessary to educate the masses
about the struggles of black women. But a lot of these roles are also harmful
perpetuations of racial and often sexist stereotypes.

To women of colour like myself, they come across as
offensive, false and to be blatant, they make us cringe. Still, we feed the
pockets of white filmmakers who produce and direct them (and who have no idea
of the real struggle) because we are so desperate for representation.

We are so desperate to see someone who looks like us and
might feel like us on the big screen. We want to relate. We deserve to relate.

I take nothing away from these struggles. They are real. Art
depicts life and life depicts art. But women of colour are more than these
roles. We are also powerful. Successful an bright.

We come in different ages and sizes. We have relationships
outside of the ones that show us as sad and abandoned.

What we do need is a portrayal of the portions of our lives
that deserves no punishment for having a good time.

We have friends, good families, support structures. We have
hobbies and careers. Weddings and parties and baby showers and bachelorettes
are not reserved for white women with quirky personalities.

We are fun. We too are capable of having fun and dammit are we
funny. We are funny as hell!

Again: Art depicts
life and life depicts art. Where are these films? Where are these depictions?

I have one answer for you at present. One very successful
story and it involves the blockbuster record-breaking film: Girls Trip.

This film is a case study for the ages if white audiences
and white funders of commercial films ever needed one. It is scientific proof
if you will, that stories of women of colour with dynamic personalities and
dynamic lives work.

Why?

Because it is a vacation. It’s a vacation in its narrative
(four women travel to New Orleans for the annual Essence Festival) and it is a
vacation from society.

Women of colour, believe it or not, are currently treated
worse than any time in history (according to a research paper on the social transformation
of black women).

The burden of these struggles is all too real in everyday
life, regardless of the social lives we live outside of them. We’re still faced
with a lot of castigation and adversity in ‘da clurrrb’ for example. In this
way, Girls Trip is a chance to escape from these burdens.

We know these burdens well and while the rest of the world
needs to be educated on them, we ourselves do not need reminding on a night out
to the cinema.

The struggle for reflection must end. And the exposure and
appeal of films like these does not have to be exclusionary.

What we do need is a portrayal of the portions of our lives
that deserves no punishment for having a good time.

The fight for diversity in films when it comes to
representation continues. But there is another angle to this fight. And that is
the struggle for diverse stories.

Get Out and Moonlight are just two examples of films that got
bums of all races in seats.

But mainstream movies with an all-black female cast who give
women like me a sincere feeling of representation are still a rarity.

The struggle for reflection must end. And the exposure and
appeal of films like these does not have to be exclusionary.

Societies have been conditioned to seeing women of colour a
certain way because of the way mass media reflects our stories. Well, it needs
to end.

We need to shake society out of their seats so they can stop
seeing us in a way they’re comfortable with, and start seeing us in the way we
see ourselves.

Hopefully women of
colour will be seen as people in all areas of work.

Saturday, 26 August 2017

Many moons ago when I was an undergraduate at the University of Zimbabwe, I was so excited about learning , I decided to do Psychology side by side with my main course which was English Literature. Little did I know it was going to be useful.

A conversation last night with a friend made me look into this.

What do all humans have in
common?

We have all played the
victim before. How many of us have blamed our little sister or brother for
breaking a family heirloom? I know I have. How many of us have pointed the finger
at our co-worker for screwing something up at work? But, playing the victim is
like eating bad food- it will only make you feel worse in the long run.

Here’s the bottom line:
people that believe they are victims tend to push friends, family and coworkers
away.

Let’s look at some 14 signs that
someone is playing the victim card and what they need to do instead:

They don’t take responsibility

This is a classic sign of
victim behavior. A victim has trouble accepting they contributed to a problem
and accepting responsibility for the circumstance that they are in. Instead,
they point the finger, or simply ignore their role in perpetuating the
problem. They are not overtly saying “I’m a victim”, but instead indirectly
sending the message that they’re a martyr.

What’s the remedy here?
Every circumstance, situation, and event in their life offers the victim an
opportunity for growth. They may not be completely responsible for what has
occurred, but they can always ask if they contributed somehow. Asking this question
invites a person to be responsible, mature and cooperative. Plus, it will
help them avoid similar situations in the future.

They are frozen in their life

Victims believe that they
are at the mercy of everyone and everything around them. Usually, a victim will
not make progress or advance in their life because they perceive that they are
powerless. As a result, their life is stagnant. If you were to ask them why,
they would respond by giving you a laundry list of reasons why they are stuck.
The real sticking point here is that the victim will not usually tell you what
they plan to do about their lack of progress in life.

What’s the remedy here? The
victim needs to see that small behaviors or changes in their attitude can
reap big rewards. Try to help the victim make a list of small, achievable
steps they can take towards a goal in their life. Hold them accountable and ask
them to hold themselves accountable too.

They hold onto grudges

The victim likes to hang
onto old grievances. They carry these around like weapons, just in case anyone
ever tries to hold them accountable for something. A victim will bring up old
memories and events in which they were probably legitimately hurt, but they use
them as reasons why they can’t make changes to their attitude, their life, or
their circumstances in the present. These hurts and grudges underpin the
victim’s hobbled life. .

What’s the remedy here?
This one is pretty simple. Let those grudges go! The victim needs to see that
keeping grudges is only holding them down, and not doing anything to help
anyone else either- although the victim may not believe this. The victim needs
to recognize that freeing others of blame is actually returning all power and
self-control back to the victim, so guess what? That means they no longer have
to be the victim!

They have trouble being assertive

The victim does not truly
believe they can control their life, so they struggle to state what they need,
desire or deserve. The victim’s life will usually involve repeating patterns of
submissiveness and passivity. This pattern is detrimental to self-esteem and
personal development. The victim fails to break this pattern and suffers from
potential anxiety or depressive disorders.

What’s the remedy here? A
first recommendation is to seek help from a professional psychologist,
counselor, or life coach. This is a chance for the victim to turn the direction
of their life around. It could also be beneficial for the victim to read a book
on assertiveness, commonly available in libraries or bookstores. Ultimately,
learning to be assertive is not a quick fix. It will take time, practice,
learning, failing, and trying over and over. In the end, however, the victim
will no longer feel that gnawing sense of powerlessness and self-pity that has
kept them down for so long.

They feel powerless

This could be a shadow
behavior, meaning that the victim does not outwardly show that they feel
powerless. Instead, the victim will try to be manipulative, coercive, and
underhanded in getting what they need. You may have dealt with someone
experiencing this kind of powerlessness. Usually, the victim is someone
that is suspicious of others, feels insecure, and constantly needs to know the
latest gossip.

What’s the remedy here?
First, do not play the game with them. Stay away from the game of sharing
gossip, listening to their stories of manipulation, or their stories of
insecurity. Let them know you’re there to support them and to listen to them,
but not to contribute to their feeling of powerlessness.

They don’t trust others

This issue is not only a
problem of not trusting others. This is a problem of the victim not believing
they are trustworthy themselves. The victim makes the assumption that other
people are exactly like them – untrustworthy.

What’s the remedy here?
Examine the evidence. Are all people untrustworthy? Probably not. There are
trustworthy people in the world. There are people that want the best for you.
There are people that want to help you. It is the job of the victim to begin
revising their old assumptions about people.

They don’t know when to say enough is enough

In relationships, victims
have no sense of limits. They don’t know when to say enough is enough.

What’s the remedy here? The
victim needs to start creating their own boundaries. What is the maximum they
are willing to take in a relationship, or in any given situation? It is
the responsibility of the victim to decide these boundaries for themselves.

Emotional blackmail

The use or threat to use of strong emotions to
control others can be very effective. Using this strategy, supervisees become
overly emotional (tears, upset, victim) at the slightest hint of negative
feedback from their colleagues. Everyone
is on egg shells to keep the person from expressing their strong emotions all
over the office. Crafty manipulators will go from office to office crying and
talking about the horrible things the colleagues does to them. In the
long-term, this gives the individual tremendous power. It doesn’t happen all at
once but over time others are less and less likely to make or communicate a
decision that will set this employee off.

What’s the remedy here: If you stay grounded and
understand these remarks as manipulation attempts instead of factual
statements, you can stay detached and keep your cool.

They feel sorry for themselves

Victims have a habit of
pitying themselves. Their mirror reflects a defenseless child that cannot fend
for itself. Since other people do not usually show them sympathy or empathy,
they try to give it to themselves, only to potentially appear immature to
others. This further traps them in the victim role.

What’s the remedy here?
Recognize that all people have tough days and experience bad events. Even the
luckiest people experience unfortunate events. The victim must learn to
avoid thinking that they are the only person in the world that has
experience sad, difficult, or unfair circumstances.

They constantly compare themselves to others

The victim usually
struggles with the habit of comparing themselves to others negatively. The
truth is that we are all lacking in some respect compared to others. No one has
it all.

What’s the remedy here? The
victim needs to change their view. The victim must recognize that they have
good qualities and likely have experienced privileges too. Yes, they’ve
probably not always been super lucky, but it’s not all bad!

They see life as always lacking

Even when something good
happens, the victim will seek out what’s lacking or what’s missing. The victim
will complain about complaining and then complain that they can’t stop
complaining. It’s a deadly cycle.

What’s the remedy here?
They should count their blessings, The victim needs to treasure these blessings
and develop a new habit of being positive and optimistic. They should aim to be
the most thankful and hopeful person they can be.

They are a critic

The victim has a need to
put others down and find fault in people. By doing these things, they get a
fleeting sense of superiority.

What’s the remedy here? The
victim should take all their energy and use it to build others up. This will
reflect back on them in a positive way too.

They think they are perfect

Ironically, when there is a
chance that a victim could be caught in an error, they suddenly become perfect.
This arrogance and narcissism closes the victim off from having truly
trustworthy and cooperative relationships.

What’s the remedy here?
They need to remove the word ‘perfect’ from their vocabulary, and accept that
they are human and are not perfect. In fact, the victim needs to realize that
the more they own their mistakes and failings, the more others will gravitate
towards them.

They cut people out of their life

“I’ve had it – they are out
of my life for good!” If you’ve heard that statement before and it wasn’t in
reference to an actually dangerous or abusive situation, then you’re probably
dealing with a victim. Rather, this statement was likely made in reference to
everyday behaviors and relationship problems the victim finds challenging. In
response to this, their default strategy is to cut people out of their lives.
This highly emotional behavior creates chaotic relationships.

What’s the remedy here?
Breathe. Stop the brain chatter for a moment. Take a walk.

The victim needs to
recognize their pattern of cutting people off. Cutting people off usually
doesn’t lead to the resolution of problems and conflict. They could always take
a different, more positive approach, such as letting people know their feelings
instead.

In the end, the victim will
end up facing painful consequences in their life and relationships if they do
not change their behavior.

As with most things in life,
alternative options are there, we just have to be willing to look for them
and make a start.

Monday, 21 August 2017

A boss with an
attitude problem can hamper your career and poison your whole existence. Here
are ten signs your boss might be such.

Bosses are just
people, and will all have their own stresses and shortcomings. But it’s not
what the boss does once in six months – it’s what they do every day that
counts.

A management style
is often a reflection of someone’s view of the world, of themselves, and of
things such as gender roles. When you have a boss whose attitude is at its core
sexist, your life can become a misery.

A happy and
fulfilled and well-balanced boss is unlikely to be a sexist tyrant at work. But
a bitter one with an axe to grind against women will carry this into the
workplace, sometimes so subtly that it is difficult to pinpoint.

These days there is
a far greater awareness of the consequences of sexual harassment in the
workplace than even a decade ago. That doesn’t mean it never happens, but a
sexual predator in the workplace is less likely to get away with it now than in
the past. Women are also more aware of their rights.

But there are the
bosses (both men and women) with personality disorders, who see the workplace
as a terrain to wield terror, and give free expression to their whims. And they
think the women (and sometimes also the men who work under them) deserve it.

On paper, men and
women doing the same job are supposed to be paid the same, but in practice this
does not always happen.

Here are some 10 things
sexist bosses are likely to do.

Make overt
reference to gender in the interview.

Comments such as
“You know I am not allowed to ask about your plans for the future”, which can
usually be interpreted as follows: “Are you going to have a baby anytime soon,
and go off on maternity leave?” The more unsubtle ones will comment directly on
your appearance, age and usually disguised in the form of a compliment. Believe
me; I experienced this once upon a time.

Assume women are
looking for stop-gap employment.

Sexist bosses will
assume the women are not the main breadwinners, and are unlikely to stay long
in the job, let alone make a career of it. The underlying assumption is that
there is some man who will be looking after them now and in the future. Really?

Fail to really
consider women for promotion.

This is the main
one but sadly both female and managers are culprits.They might be on the list,
but they seldom seem to get the job. It is easy to spot companies where this
happens – just look at their management structures, and how the genders are
represented. On paper, men and women doing the same job are supposed to be paid
the same, but in practice this does not always happen. Job titles can also
disguise the reality of someone’s level of responsibility.

Assume the women
will do the catering and the social organising.

Unless it is part
of your job description, you do not have to organise catering at staff
functions, or clean up afterwards, or make things such as birthday parties or
farewell parties happen if you don’t want. A sexist boss won’t even ask – he
will just assume the women will do it. And he probably won’t thank them either.

Exclude women from
certain workplace conversations.

Like some men, some
women won’t be interested in discussing politics, sport or management
strategies, but automatically excluding all women from conversations on these
topics is very sexist. It is seldom done overtly, but often there is a subtle
vibe of “Keep away – men talking” sent out. Sometimes this exclusion extends to
other social activities organised after working hours, like going to the bar or
the golf course - or, even worse, the strip club.

A sexist boss
subtly creates the vibe that the real decision-making is men’s work.

Assume appearance
is everything.

Most men have
cottoned onto the fact that overt comments on appearance are a no-no, but even
ongoing compliments can sometimes be creepy. Underlying all of this is the
assumption that women’s appearance is somehow more important than men’s is. If
you aren’t sure whether you are overreacting, ask yourself whether the boss
would have made a similar comment to George in Sales about his new jacket.

Fail to take input
from women seriously in meetings.

A sexist boss would
pretend to listen, but would seldom take any of these suggestions seriously,
let alone implement them. Until one of the men makes the suggestion, that is. A
sexist boss subtly creates the vibe that the real decision-making is men’s
work. ‘’Well done George for saying that’’, Really, when Mary had made the
point initially!

Assume a lack of
knowledge on technical matters.

Whether it is on
issues relating to IT, or mechanics, knowledge or ignorance cannot be assumed
based on gender. But a sexist boss will do just that without establishing
people’s prior knowledge on certain things.

Complain when women
take family responsibility leave.

This usually comes
from a boss who would not in a million years dream of taking a day off work to
take a sick child to the doctor, but expects his wife to miss a day from her
job in similar circumstances. Life happens – when working with people, sick
children and dying relatives will be part of the equation. One cannot blame
women for being in the position of carrying the brunt of the responsibility for
these family issues.

Imply that a
grievance is somehow hormone related.

If a woman finally
snaps at work, a sexist boss will assume she is premenstrual or menopausal –
her grievance cannot surely be real. Granted, sometimes hormones can affect
both men and women, but even so, justifiable grievances can never be dismissed
just for that reason.

I know what you are
thinking right now, sometimes both men and women bosses do undermine the well-
being of their employees but these things happen on daily basis in
organisations.

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

It creeps up in many forms - from the way people are spoken to, right to the lack of people of colour in leadership roles.

The other day a friend said something that left me gobsmacked. She said: "I don't believe white privilege exists." Really?She is a socially aware, vocal person of colour, so for her to say this was totally unbelievable.Her reasons were the usual: "I know so many black people who have more than me.""White people also work hard."

"My white boyfriend had to go work for his dad because he couldn't get a job."I let her continue. I realised that her perception of white privilege, like so many others, is warped by her own circumstances.When you are not struggling to find a job it is easy to think white privilege is not real. Similarly, when you blame every little hurdle on white privilege the real issues get overshadowed.

Not all black people are taking your job, and not all white people get things handed to them, but don't think for one second that this means white privilege is not real. I have experienced it in the little things.

Here are some of the things I have heard people saying over the years:

· There is often a tone of condescension and impatience when addressing people of colour in some office.

· I even once encountered an intern who spoke down to me, his manager, because I was Indian. When he spoke to the white people in the office his voice was all sugar and honey.

· I spent months appealing to my boss to make changes to a project, bringing forth research and plans on how this would improve it. Nothing happened. A new, white employee (who didn't even work in my department) made the same suggestion, and it was implemented within in a week.

· I worked with two equally incompetent employees. For some strange reason the black employee was fired and the white employee was allowed to finish his contract. That made no sense to me.

And this is just surface level stuff.

We haven't even gotten to the issues of limited people of colours in Managerial roles, the degree of disrespect for BAME or how this all intensifies if you are a woman.

These little things are the tip of a very big, complicated iceberg, I do think that it's time we acknowledge them - it can be a catalyst to affect change on bigger issues. We have to recognise white privilege in every form so people can stop thinking it no longer exists.

Sunday, 13 August 2017

By the age
of two, most children use gender pronouns in
their speech and proactively identify people as men and women. And by the time
they turn seven; little boys and little girls have already learnt a lot about
what is expected of them within our – binary – gender system.

A few years ago, researchers from
Granada University analysed 621 characters of both sexes from 163 cartoon
series, including Monster High and Shin Chan. They found that women are largely
relegated to secondary roles: girlfriends, mothers or companions to the
animated heroes and villains. American linguists found that men speak 68% of the time in
The Little Mermaid, 71% in Beauty and the Beast, 90% in Aladdin and 76% in
Pocahontas.

Not only are
cartoon women rarely leading characters, they’re also awash in stereotypes. The
Spanish researchers reported that most animated women are materialistic,
jealous and superficial, obsessed with their bodies and keen to please other
people.

How do princesses lead?

Even when
women do play the lead, they often reify tired adages about women.

With
Pocahontas (1995), for example, Disney showed that not even cartoon women can
“have it all”. The Indian princess must choose between success in the public
sphere and a happy romantic life.

Indeed,
studies have found that in all of the princess films produced by Disney between
1989 and 1999, male characters have three times as much dialogue as female
characters. American linguists found that men speak 68% of the time in The
Little Mermaid, 71% in Beauty and the Beast, 90% in Aladdin and 76% in
Pocahontas. Ariel, the little mermaid herself, actually prefers to be struck
dumb forever in exchange for a man.

These
lessons are not lost on children, who are well aware that superheroes are
mostly boys and princesses are girls. That makes it more difficult to model
leadership for young women.

Unlike
superheroes, who use their extraordinary gifts to do good for society, cartoon
princesses tend to focus on private issues, not public service. Disney has shown
some improvement since the days of passive Snow White (1937) and submissive
Cinderella (1950). In recent years, female leaders have appeared among the
studio’s characters, most notably in Mulan (1998) and the 2013 megahit, Frozen.

But the
messages conveyed are not so far removed from the most conventional Disney
stereotypes.

Mulan is a
bold Chinese warrior, respected and followed by her people…all of whom think
she is a man, because she has deceived them by cutting her hair. The point here
appears to be that to become a good leader, a woman should look and act like a
man.

Frozen was
hailed as “not your typical princess movie”, because it portrays two sisters
who don’t need to be rescued by a handsome prince. Instead, at the film’s end,
Elsa and Anna save each other with their sororal love.

But, the
protagonist Elsa has dubious leadership skills. As the elder sister, she is
responsible for governing, but when she gets nervous she lets her emotions get
the better of her. Despite her good intentions, she cannot effectively wield
power.

As a result,
she freezes her realm and withdraws into a solitary world. In other words, she
lacks emotional intelligence.

Lessons in
female leadership

What have we
learned? Now, children, repeat after me:

1. Leadership
is male.

2. Women are
better leaders when they look and act like men.

3. A
successful public life interferes in a woman’s private life.

4. When
women get emotionally involved, they lose rational thought, and their
leadership capacity fails them.

It’s hardly
surprising that the lessons we’ve internalised since childhood are reproduced
every day by (adult) media coverage of, say, female politicians, who face
stereotypes and obstacles utterly unknown to their male colleagues.

Not exactly.
Last year, academics from Brigham Young University in Utah looked into this
subject, interviewing and observing 198 boys and girls in preschool and
kindergarten.

They found
that the more the girls identified with “princess culture”, the more they
exhibited patterns of behaviour that corresponded to female stereotypes
suggesting that beauty, sweetness and obedience are women’s most valuable
assets. The study empirically validates concerns that sociologists and
feminists have been discussing for some time.

...families
must talk with children about the meaning of what they see, ensuring that girls
understand that princesses are just one kind of role model...

Recognising
that female leadership is not well represented in most societies doesn’t mean
kids shouldn’t be exposed to these cultural products. It’s fine for a girl to
play at being a princess, as long as she can also kick around a soccer ball,
build things with nuts and tools, play the drums and fancy becoming a
scientist, engineer, astronaut or firefighter.

Likewise,
there’s no reason why a boy dressed as his favourite superhero shouldn’t
pretend to take care of babies, cook dinner or vacuum the house.

Still,
families must talk with children about the meaning of what they see, ensuring
that girls understand that princesses are just one kind of role model – there’s
also the powerful Wonder Woman, smart Velma from Scooby-Doo and Peppa Pig
(dubbed a “weird feminist” by one conservative blogger).

And, last
but not least, adults must ensure that we do not reinforce negative gender
messaging in our daily lives by making girls feel that they are most valuable
when they look like pretty princesses.

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

I read with interest an
article ‘’Making the Invisible Visible: A Cross -Sector Analysis of Gender
Based Leadership Barriers’’ and I found the Queen bee effect as a barrier to
women in leadership positions interesting. Is this a myth or reality? The idea of a Queen Bee syndrome dates to
research first done in the 1970s. The syndrome encompasses a set of behaviors
ranging from women disparaging typically feminine traits (“Women are soooo
emotional”), to emphasizing their own “masculine” attributes (“I think more
like a guy”), to seeing claims of gender discrimination as baseless (“The
reason there are so few women at the top is not because of discrimination. It’s
because women are just less committed to their careers”), to being unsupportive
of initiatives to address gender inequality. The ultimate Queen Bee is the
successful woman who instead of using her power to help other women advance,
undermines her women colleagues who may even be more talented than her. If
these ‘beta females’ are repressed from within their own gender, surely we have
to ask ourselves what chance they have in a male dominated society? I have to
say, I have seen and known a fair share of queen bees in my life.

Is there some truth in the Queen Bee stereotype? Are women nastier toward
other women than men are to men or than women are to men?

Researches on these kinds of
behaviors have found instances in which it is the case. Some women at the top
fail to help other women or actively prevent their promotion. A while ago a
friend of mine had this to say about a queen bee at her work place: ‘One of the
women I ended up working with had a real problem with me. Every time I said
anything I was accused of being aggressive and defensive and prevented any
attempts of promotion’ Sad isn’t it?

Queen Bee behaviors are not
reflective of some Mean Girl gene lurking in women’s DNA. Rather, to the degree
they exist, Queen Bee dynamics are triggered by gender discrimination,
researchers say.

So what prevents Queen Bee
behaviors? - Identifying highly as a woman. Women who have experienced gender
discrimination but who more strongly identified with their gender don’t react
to such bias by trying to distance themselves from other women.

Quotes

Married to a Devil

About Me

Welcome to my blog!
I hope you find it interesting. If there is nothing of interest today,please keep on checking. You may never know what tomorrow has.
I write about issues that affect women mostly in the underdeveloped parts of the world. My first book is called 'Married to a Devil'.
Don't get me wrong,I also write about men.
Buy my book 'Married To A Devil' on Amazonor buy from Chipmunkapublishing.co.uk