IT’S not often you’ll hear me giving the clipboard-wielding idiots who stand at the front doors of nightclubs a pat on the back.

But for the first time I am saluting this vile species for dishing out a regal snub to spoiled royal PRINCESS BEATRICE.

God, these are confusing times, aren't they? On one side, The Sun and some bouncers; on the other, a minor member of the royal family. How would you choose who to side with?

Luckily, nobody comes out of it looking good. Gordon launches into some lazy royal-bashing (is Beatrice really "spoiled" or just privileged? And Smart calls her "ruddy-faced" which would be rude even if it was true.)

On the other hand, Beatrice herself - allegedly - did pull the gold-plated equivalent of 'don't you know who I am's?:

She declared: “Don’t you know who I am? Do you know I’m royalty?”

Oddly, though, while Smart acknowledges she's doing a job of a work right now, he's haughty about that:

Beatrice has had her first taste of the big wide world this summer, working as a personal shopper in Selfridges.

It’s hardly shovelling peas in a factory or waiting tables for £3-an-hour.

Yes, but it's the same job that your paper was suggesting somehow was beneath her the other day (working as "SHOP ASSISTANT", screeched the standfirst.) And Gordon then trips over himself by pointing out that "wages are no problem for Bea-list though." So, she doesn't need the money, but is working anyway. Gordon, you cant simulataneously decry someone for laying about doing nothing and doing a job that isn't hard enough, can you?

The other funny thing is Gordon's fuming when faced with someone who has inherited their position and wealth only finds an outlet for Bea. Paris Hilton, Peaches Geldof - and, we'd guess, James Murdoch - tend not to get a rough ride for making the most of the accidents of their birth. Funny that.

Meanwhile, Gordon is worried about Madonna, and how much flesh she shows:

I TUNED in to Channel 4 to see MADONNA’s new video on Thursday night.

And for the first time I felt a bit guilty watching a 49-year-old woman prancing around in her undercrackers.

We're assuming he's just written this badly, and didn't actually mean to give the impression that he frequently watches women just this side of fifty jumping about in their knickers, although we can't be sure of that.

1 comment:

The double standard of mocking the children of Old Money while hero-worshipping the children of New Money is, of course, one of The Sun's defining characteristics, and has been since the Thatcher era (Auberon Waugh often pointed it out, and I wouldn't be surprised if Polly Toynbee actually agreed with him on this if nothing else).