Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Isn't it strange.... you know how you are taught something ever since you were little and you believed it because you either wanted to or because you were told to.... well have you ever actually felt God's plan... recently Ry and I have found a church that we love and a church family that we love... and we have always hear that God has plans for all of us... and that we are all here for a reason, and that "there are no accidents"

Well that is all well and good but what does that mean... just this last week i had a revaluation... i had something huge happen to me, and to Ry and there was some that lead up to this even and something that followed this event... but the bottom line is that Ryan and i felt it... we felt God's hands leading us down this path and we felt his plan... what an awesome feeling to know that you are being watched over and looked after!!!

we are very blessed with the amazing gifts that we have been blessed with.... our very loving families and our amazing loving friends... and who can forget those very lovable dogs!!!! we are blessed in our house and it is a wonderful feeling!!!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Speaking of little kids that rock my freaking world.... i have one of the best friends in America, her name is Jamie Smith... below.... Rylee is the adorable little one above!!!

ok where was i.... oh ya Jamie... i have to tell you that jamie is probably one of my oldest and dearest friends... i met her in seventh grade when my elementary and hers joined together at NLJH!!!! She was most def the most popular girl in school, and she befriended me with no questions asked!!! she took me under her wing, and she didn't know then, but i did, that she was my saving grace.... Jamie has been there through jeeping in MOAB, we were both the first ones to turn 16 so we drove everyone EVERYWHERE. and we loved it... we had stomps in the target parking lot.... we TP'ed the crap out of everyone and he house was the place to be!! (thank you Laurie)

well it was time to graduate and she went down to SUU and i to USU while she was away she met this freaking amazing man named Steve! They got married and i loved him instantly... they then had a baby a few years later and named her Rylee Jo Smith.... this little girl is the best!!! she has the freaking best personality and Steve is going to have to beat the boys off with a stick!!!! (as you can see)

Well with growing up, comes grown up problems.... what i wouldn't give to have a good old dance in the target parking lot.... well in 06 i got divorced... and it was the lowest part in my life, but Jamie was there and so was Steve, they didn't judge me, they didn't look down on me and thought that i failed.... they just opened their big open arms and hugged me as tight as they could... and at a time when i couldn't feel more empty and alone... Jamie was there with her smile and her incredible optimism, Steve was there with his huge engulfing hugs and then there was Rylee... she was the best therapy there was.... When going through something like that, you feel, alone, ashamed, embarrassed, a failure, and that no one needs you in the world... and there was Rylee... she let me hold her, and she clung to me and slept on my chest... she needed me... and i needed her.... i needed her mom and i needed her dad and the Smith family will never know how much they mean to me!

they were and still are a HUGE light in the darkness and i know that in them i have not only great friends... but i have family!!!

Thank you Jamie for being my friend and my sister for so long.... Steve, thank you for always being there for me to talk to, to joke with and for your hugs when i needed one most!

And Dear little Rylee, thank you for giving me hope... and faith that i didn't fail.. somethings are just not meant to be. and restoring in me my self-worth... You are so tiny and so small... but you do amazing things.....!!! i love you all!!!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Last night we got to baby sit our Nephew Caiden... he is so sweet... he made me want a baby so BAD!!!!!!

In other news... i have decided that i am going to start teaching sunday school.... Ryan and i have been going to Alpine Church and i thought, that a way to get my baby fix is to teach the pre-schoolers.... I'm pretty freaking excited about it!!!! i will be letting you know if it is hurting or helping my drive to be a mom!!!

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure the hell don't deserve me at my best." --Marilyn Monroe