As through the pipes the waters fell down to the bottom of the well,
in listless apathy I gazed at the cold waters … - as he bathed.
I half behold that scenery and its most sensual masculinity.
Yet, disappointment, oh, can't you see, he's still the cause and the cardinal symptom of my sick, sad reality.

Silver equals chill, but that suits me just fine. I'm shyly sipping
water … while he drinks whole jugs of wine. He likes all kind of women, and I … I only hate … men.
He marvels at all things new to him … - and I only wait … for all things in this sick world … to end.

The water pouring down his spine, caressed his strong physique, oh, so well-defined, calm like a rock he stands, oh, behold his body and soul a friendly God must have built this man to an all well-balanced whole.
What sad bewilderment this brought, physical clearness, alas, still so much abhorred:
an ancient ghost awoke and fiercely arose in me:
it was that old, savage, yet half-forgotten ideal of perfect neutrality.

Silver equals chill, but that suits me just fine. I'm shyly sipping water…
while he drinks whole jugs of wine. He likes all kind of women, and I…
I only hate… men.
He marvels at all things new to him… -
and I only wait… for all things in this sick world… to end.

I somewhat envy this naturally beautiful man, he never knew or encountered the hatred and shame that I bare.
The doubt, the cloak of disgust and the all-devouring dread, and if I told him about it,
he might only shake his head with kindly amused, melodious laughter,
he then would perhaps merely smile at my … oh, so stupid silliness …
and the beast that is raging inside.

9 Comments

General Commentan ancient ghost awoke and fiercely arose in me:
it was that old, savage, yet half-forgotten ideal of perfect neutrality.

scubzer0 , you are correct about the sentiment of the lyrics, however she was not born a hermaphrodite. She is a pre-operative transexual, and is not intending to have an operation. The above lyric refers to her very strong desire, not necessarily to become a woman, but rather to have no gender at all.

What sad bewilderment this brought, physical clearness, alas, still so much abhorred:

Here looking at him she sees remnants of herself or what she could have been if only she didn't hate that idea so much.

I mostly agree with your interpretation, but there's a small nuance that I don't believe you covered.

Anna-Varney Cantodea is also a hermit. She detests the presence of another human being. This is the reason why Sopor Aeternus does not do tours or live performances.

"I somewhat envy this naturally beautiful man, he never knew or encountered the hatred and shame that I bare."

She does wish to be this man, however, it is not because of his gender, it is because she feels as though she is heavily flawed and sees no beauty in herself. The notions of gender heavily conflict her as it is, on top of many other issues that she has caused by parental abuse, and a series of many illnesses that nearly caused her to go blind. This man is an image of perfection to her because he is physically beautiful and he doesn't know firsthand about depression, abuse, illness, self-hatred, and gender conflicts because the world that he lives in is a much brighter world than Anna's. His life took a direction in which he's able to enjoy life. She believes that God was kind to this man in gracing him with this joie de vivre and is sickened by the thought that she believes that she never had the same chance to enjoy life and the company of other people.

My InterpretationAs a transsexual myself, it is obvious that this song is about the disconnection one as a transsexual feels with one's body, and wishing one could just accept it as it is while it is impossible to do so.
The song is about Anna showering, watching her own body but as with the perspective of another person, since she feels that the body is not hers.
I will write down roughly how I interpret the verses, and go into details on some things.

The first verse is an introduction to the setting, the shower, where she watches her body and feels the disconnection.

Chorus:
The masculine personality that was expected from her, that she could have embraced as herself, is a bold forward heterosexual man, and had she felt okay with that, she could have been interested in this world, but being in the situation she's in, she been exposed to a lot of negativity in the world and longs for the end (death or not I can't say).

Second verse:
The body she is in is one of a good-looking male body, and even if she is amazed at it, she feels disgust towards it and feels the yearning for repressing her feminine self and wishes she could just be an inbetween gender and feel okay with herself. The line about God is interesting because it suggests that if she believes in God, she feels he's done wrong, that she's defying him.

Last verse:
If she had been cisgendered and okay with her body, then she would also never have experienced the pains and sorrows she has suffered, and all the doubt about where to go with her gender identity (surpressing, living it out, treatments etc, all tough choices), and the disgust towards her own body, and in a way she envies that version of herself she could have been, yet if she met herself like that and tried to explain herself to him, he would not understand and not take her seriously, so in a way she's lucky to have a deeper understanding of life than had she not been transsexual.

And now for some closer looks:

"Yet, disappointment, oh, can't you see, he's still the cause and the cardinal symptom of my sick, sad reality."
This is one of the best lines tbh. The body is the cause of her negative view of the world, through her experiences as a transperson in society and from the feeling of feeling so extremely wrong in her own skin, and it's also the symptom because she cannot do anything about it.

"An ancient ghost awoke and fiercely arose in me:
it was that old, savage, yet half-forgotten ideal of perfect neutrality."
The neutrality spoken of is that of gender. The idea of her body being a perfectly fine male body gives her regret at feeling the way she does, which makes her wish she could be content with being an inbetween between the gender so she could be ok with her body, yet this ”ancient ghost” with the ideal is just a ghost, not her real self and her real wishes, something she created to try to suppress herself.