Savage Love

Savage Love: Searching for spanks

I’m a fan from way back. A therapist told me to go out and have some fun — I’m a married woman with teen boys and feeling a bit lonely — but I’m not looking to have an affair. I just want a spanking now and then. I found the one kink club I visited in New York to be kind of depressing, and my spanking friends are more of a social group who hang out on the weekends. I just need a little recreation — some good, clean spanking fun. Would love your advice.
Seeks Paddling And Needs Know-How

Kink enthusiasts, like dentists and accountants and troglodytes (hey there, CPAC), have conventions, SPANK, where like-minded/employed/aroused folks meet and socialize before heading up to their hotel rooms for some good, clean kinky fun. I think you should get your ass to one of the many spanking conventions out there — and so does Jillian Keenan, journalist and author of Sex with Shakespeare, a memoir about your shared kink (spanking) and how Shakespeare’s plays helped Keenan discover and accept herself, as a human being and as a kinkster. (It sounds like a stretch, I realize, but do yourself a favor and read Sex with Shakespeare — it’s a funny, moving read, and it’s packed with fresh and convincing kinky reads on Shakespeare’s plays.)

“National parties are a great way to get safe, fun, no-sex spankings and meet other people in the scene in a low-pressure environment,” said Keenan, who sent along a list of events all over the country: Shadow Lane (Las Vegas), Boardwalk Badness Weekend (Atlantic City), Crimson Moon (Chicago), Spanking Club of New York (New York City), Texas All State Spanking Party (Dallas), and Lone Star Spanking Party (Houston).

“There are some parties I’ve chosen not to attend for political reasons,” said Keenan. “The spanking community isn’t immune to heteronormative bullshit, unfortunately, and some parties explicitly prohibit M/m play. Any party for sexual minorities that prohibits expressions of other minority sexual identities doesn’t deserve our time or our money!”

Someone asked me to pee on them and offered to pay me. I didn’t know what to do. They weren’t unattractive. Would you pee on someone for money?
Perplexed European Enquires

I’m not ready to go pro at this stage in my career.

ITMFA! Let people know you want to impeach the motherfucker already! Get ITMFA buttons, T-shirts, hats, mugs, lapel pins, and more at ITMFA.org. All proceeds benefit the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and the International Refugee Assistance Project.