This Mama Needs Your Help

I want to take a moment to do a public forum here. Because I need some help!

I’m at my wit’s end with my 3-year old. Here is my situation. Judge as you may, but I hope you keep an open mind, because we are really doing the best we can.

I live in a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment. It was fine at first, but after I had my second child, it was clear we were outgrowing our space. We didn’t move, since we couldn’t afford a bigger apartment or house and we figured we could stick it out for 2 more years. We put Luke in our walk-in closet for awhile, then moved him to the bathroom. Yes, the bathroom. We cleaned it out really well and stopped using it. I put in a portable crib and with the darkness and the fan, he sleeps great in there.

Enter pregnancy #3. With just a couple more months to go, we decided to put Luke in with Will to share a room, so that the new baby could use Luke’s ‘room’ for the remainder of the time we live here (about 6 months.) It seemed to be working okay, but I’ve been noticing a gradual decrease in my 3-year olds good behavior, happiness, and even bathroom competency. I think it’s due to him not getting enough sleep.

We put them to bed pretty early, at between 6:30 and 7:30. Sometimes we stagger their bedtimes, but the other will frequently wake up when the other comes to bed. Then they giggle and talk for about an hour before going to bed and sometimes we have to go in there multiple times to tell them to go to sleep. But no matter what, Will is up at the crack of dawn, sometimes 6:30, sometimes 6, sometimes earlier. We have fans and blackout curtains, but his biological clock is set for him to be an early bird. He still takes a nap, but the longest is 2 hours.

And lately he has just been….how do I put this gently? Horrid. Absolutely. He is rude, yelling and screaming and talking back to me all the time. He cries about every little thing, and throws a huge fit when I dare put him in time out. And when I’m not around, he’s constantly doing naughty things I’ve told him so many times NOT to do. He loves to play with Luke, but doesn’t hesitate to hit or yell at him if things aren’t in his control. On top of that, he’s been having daily accidents with his potty training–sometimes multiple times a day.

I really don’t know what to do about him. Sometimes I think it would all get better if I separated them at night again, but it has to happen soon anyway, and since he is also deathly afraid of the dark, having Luke in there with him helps him to feel safe. (And yes, he has a nightlight.)

Lovely comments

I don’t really think it’s any one thing that you’re doing “wrong.” I think it’s just the age he’s at. 2-4 year olds are difficult. Period. Some days they can be the sweetest and some days you count down the seconds to bed time. And boys are notorious for reverting back to having accidents when it comes to potty training. It’s just something about their anatomy & they have a tougher time than girls.
On a side note though, why do you put them to bed quite so early? Do you have to be somewhere early in the morning, like work or daycare? Just asking because that may be why he is getting up so early. My 3 year old goes to bed between 8-9 & she gets up around 8am…much easier to deal with than a 6am early riser! It sounds to me like your little one is getting more than enough sleep, so like I said, he’s just at a difficult age! Good luck is all I can say lol

I agree. People always talk about the terrible twos, my children always have terrible 3s. If you really think it is a sleep issue, try moving him back to the bathroom and see if that helps out the situation. If it doesn’t, than you know it’s just a stage he’s going through and he will grow out of.

Oh Heidi. Welcome to the “Tempestuous Threes”. Creed was an angel when he was two, comparatively. He’s turned into a monster in the past few months, and there have been NO changes in sleep/diet at our house (except a ramp-up with potty-training, since he was getting ready to start preschool in Sept!) It sounds like he’s getting plenty of sleep, if he’s down for 11-12 hours a night plus a nap. I wish I could get that from Creed!! (he’s typically 10 hours a night with no nap and often night terrors). Stand. Your. Ground. He is just learning about independence and choices and consequences. It is not pleasant, especially when you throw all the potty training accidents in there (Creed has been “training” for over a year and we STILL have accidents on a fairly regular basis). Hang in there!! Soon soon soon your little pink one will be here and he will have to deal with the fact that he has to deal with the consequences of his actions, since you will be MUCH busier. Good luck. As far as the potty training, just be consistent. Figure out what motivates him. Creed was all about the charts and treats–big prize for so many dry days in a row. Start over when there’s an accident. Little rewards EVERY time he performs correctly. That’s what is working for us. Fortunately, preschool provides a creative outlet for him and is helping to reduce his fit-throwing. Seriously, there was about 3 weeks there that we were wondering if something was medically wrong with him just because our sweet little boy was acting POSSESSED. It will get better :). Good luck!

I have no good advice for you, but my 3 year old is the same way! Terrible two’s were nothing. I like to think it is just a phase, but if you do get any great advice, please post it and maybe it will help me too!
P.S. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with Luke “living” in the bathroom. My dad told me he let me sleep in the tub before when I was sick, and he slept in a drawer when he was a baby! Don’t even feel bad.

I’m so sorry to hear of your sleeping troubles. When we had #3 baby and our 3 year old were sharing rooms, when we moved when baby was 9 months, we needed to start letting her “cry it out” so we put our 3 year old with her 5 year old brother, and fortunately for us they have been sleeping very well together, although the 5 year old gets up early and wakes his 3 year old sister up! We just have to push naps with her more, but they are now 4 and 6. When She has had hard times sleeping, we put a sleeping bag on the floor in our room for her to sleep. Also not ideal, but has worked for us. (I’m not one for bed sharing with my kiddo’s – or babies in my room – they wake me up too much!! HA!)

We’ve been figuring out how to deal with two kids in the same room for awhile. When Lucas was in a crib, it wasn’t a big deal. But now that he’s in a toddler bed, it was getting to be a problem.

At first, we just threw them both in bed and put the gate up in the doorway. When Lynne decided she didn’t like that dark, we began putting a folded up blanket over the top of the door so Lucas couldn’t close it all the way (he likes doors to be closed). When most nights consisted of me breaking up fights or yelling at Lynne to get back in bed (she’s stand in the doorway and then freak out because Lucas was “squishing her”), I got sick of it and she slept on the couch for a couple nights. She did okay on the couch and having the freedom in the morning, which let us know that once we get the downstairs room fixed up (an emptied since it’s a guest room/storage room) she’ll be fine down there on her own (just not sure if *I* will be okay with her down there).

Then, we did laundry and the clean laundry took over the couch, plus she insisted on sleeping in her bed. We tried just throwing them in their room again, but that didn’t really work. I got sick and tired of it, so I sat next to Lucas’ bed and put him back in bed each time he got out (which was a LOT) but I didn’t talk to him or look at him as much as I could help it. Lynne stayed in bed with me in there, and I told her that if she got out of bed she wouldn’t be able to play games the next day (since playing on the computer is her favorite thing, it works perfectly). After a week of wrestling with Lucas, we not longer sit in his room. He still gets out of bed but Lynne doesn’t and the two hours it took to get them to fall asleep has been cut down to less than an hour.

That’s still a recent change, so we’ll see how long that works. I’m hoping that Lynne staying in bed will help Lucas realize he’s got to, too. If not, once he’s old enough to understand consequences, we’ll go that route with him. Anyway, that’s what we’ve tried for our kids. I hope you can take SOMETHING from that. Even just being in the room with them makes them talk less and play less (as I’ve learned since they talk and laugh more since we’ve stopped sitting in their room, even if Lynne stays in bed). I figured I never really taught Lucas how to stay in bed to sleep, so it was high time I did that. And teach Lynne how to sleep with someone else in the room as well.

No judgement here! I have a 2.5 year old who is downright defiant. She spends a good portion of her day in timeout or having privileges taken away. Here is what we are trying and surprisingly it’s starting to sink in! We start everyday fresh being reminded how we behave and that if you misbehave you lose a toy/outside time/ect. We are consistent about it. Also, tree are some behaviors that require a ‘cool off period’. Hitting, kicking, tantrums send her straight to her room (which we’ve stripped of anything fun) until she calms down. Then she gets to come out. If it happens again she gets to cone out but also loses a toy. And so on. Things like sassing she gets a 3 min timeout.
Just remember it’s a phase. It’s hard but it’ll pass. Stay calm, don’t fuel his fire. Remember you are pregnant and have another child so too much stress isn’t good for you! Our doctor reminded me that it’s up to me to have control. Good luck!

sadly i have no advice for you but i can give you a hug and we can cry on each others shoulders because my 4 year old is the same way! we move in about 2 months and i pray that her behavior will be better once she no longer has to share a room with her brother. she is TERRIBLE. i spend many days feeling like i’m a terrible mother because i just can’t seem to get her to behave. =(

I totally get where you are coming from!! We recently decided to move our 2 year old in with her big sis (who is 4) because they wanted to share a room. We didn’t even need to because we have the room…it is just apparently because we are crazy :). We find that our 2 year old (who also has a biological alarm that goes off at 5:45 every. stinkin. day.) makes sure the first thing she does is wake up her sister in the morning. Up until we moved them in together our oldest was sleeping in until 7:30 (this doesn’t sound like much but it’s way better than 6 and we will take every last second we can get!). We have found that if we put them to bed in seperate beds (they go to bed at 7 & 7:30) and then just move one when they are both asleep eliminates the up late giggle fest. Still doesn’t really solve the morning problem…but hey I guess this is a work in progress. Good luck!!

I’m sorry! And I can totally relate – my boys talk (slash play) for a long time at night too. And EVERY single morning Charlie is in Edward’s crib. I think he goes in there in the middle of the night sometimes. They just take huge naps these days (sometimes 4 hours). I don’t know if this would work for you but my solution would be to keep the baby in your room for the 6 months until you move, and move Lucas back to his private room. That’s what I would do. Kurt doesn’t love having a newborn baby in our room but it helps me get more sleep. You are an amazing Mom and I’m sure whatever you decide is something that I myself will end up doing in the future!

First, HUGS! I feel your pain. Three years old is a ROUGH age. I have a 3 year old boy and 7 month old girl. It has definitely been an adjustment. Once thing that has really helped us keep our three year old in bed is: http://www.mytotclock.com/home.php?osCsid=93mbl28kj320n06harg9ddc6f4. Okay, well at least that’s the concept. What we really did rather then spend $50 is to put a nightlight on a sleep timer. We call it the “good morning light” and tell him he’s welcome to read quietly or lay in bed, but he cannot leave his room until the light comes on.

We then use the whole sticker reward system. Once he gets a full week of not coming out before the light comes on he gets ice cream after dinner. We also use the clothes pin chart for daily behavior. The clothes pin starts at green and moves down as he’s naughty. If its at red he gets mandatory “quiet” time (quiet in quotes because there’s usually quite a bit of yelling…from him…) Meaning, in his room, by himself until he can either calm down or behave. Throwing tantrums or hitting a sibling knocks you down to red, no matter what. Staying on green all day means one episode of Go Diego Go before bed or the next morning (don’t judge, TV is my friend…)

I tried having my two in the same room at night when their naps were still on different schedules, but it was a disaster, so I switched them out again to separate rooms. Can one of them sleep in your bed at naptime? And I have no advice for bedtime because I just had to separate mine and that solved the problem. But as for the behavior of the 3 yr old, I’m having the same problems with my 3 year old and I’m just assuming it’s like “the terrible 3s” or whatever. It seems like he’s just figuring out that he doesn’t HAVE to do what I tell him to so he’s choosing to do naughty things instead of listening. I just keep up telling him every time not do whatever he did, give him a short timeout and I’m hoping that soon he’ll eventually get it. Ugh, your situation is SO tough! I’m so sorry! I just totally feel you, I’m pregnant with my third as well and my first two are only 14 months apart and my oldest is 3. I have no idea how the sleeping situation is going to work. Sleep is a big deal in my house and I don’t want anyone missing out on it but once the baby is 6 months old, I put them in their own bed, own room, and I don’t know if I’ll have to combine to older two to be able to do that and how that will work out because they’ll both be in big beds by then! Good luck and I hope something works out! Can you just move??

I feel your pain! We moved into a 2 bedroom house and 2 weeks later I found I was pregnant with my second. When my second was born, they shared a room for awhile, but soon my 2 year old turned into a MONSTER. And I say that as gentle as possible. We were dealing with strange sleep hours, temper tantrums, violence, and potty training was a joke… it made everyone miserable!! Since we only had 1 bathroom, moving one of them in there was not an option. At a last whit attempt, we moved our bedroom furniture into our living room and slept in there until we moved out. I’m not saying that’s the solution, but I understand how desperate you are!

They are in their own rooms now and they still go to bed at 7 and wake up around 6 or 6:30. When I put them down later, they wake up earlier (I don’t get it, but that’s how it works) and we have had to create a strict bedtime routine to get them (well really just my older one) to stay in her bedroom. We still have problems keeping her in her bed all night…

Like I said, I know I’m not offering any advice. But sometimes it helps to know that there are other people dealing with the same things :o) That’s really all I have for you! I’ll be praying that you find a good solution before your new little one comes!

I agree with AliceH. If it’s just for six more months or so, make your life easier for now and get the behavior under control. Could some of his behavior also be just from knowing you’re about to have another baby and he feels threatened by all the “change?” It’s surprising what kids even that young pick up on. Maybe he’s acting that way in part because he’s afraid he’s going to lose your attention (might explain the potty accidents too). Just a thought.

I think Alice has a great idea. Just move Lucas back. Then, from my own experience & perspective, the following: My 2 boys are a little less than 3 yrs apart. They are very different. Now, they are 13 & 16 yrs. When child #2 was little, HE was always the one in trouble -and that is how he came to define himself. One time his older brother was getting in trouble and he was smiling. My mother asked him why he was smiling, and he answered that it was because HE WASN’T the one in trouble. 🙁 I just say this so that you are aware. I just had to wait for him to grow out of his behavior, always trying different techniques, etc. He always knew which buttons to press, and SOMETIMES during behavior that I was just SO TIRED of, I would just pretend to be someone else! Like a friend who would just say, wow, it must be hard right now, he is really misbehaving. And, try to feel like what it would be to not be so mad back. AND… one of my “Do Differently” items? Especially when you are trying to sort out rough patches.. get your sleep. Take at least a 30 minute nap when the children do (if you can, if they nap at the same time, etc.) Can anyone take Will or Lucas for a sleep-over to give you a break? Maybe grandma? Whatever works is what is right for you. Keep crossing the days off of the calendar, like The Little Engine That Could and take long, slow, deep breaths. 🙂 Hope this helps.

P.S One son still would rather fall asleep with the light on…. our cat does that -he must be related!

Sleep is SUCH a hard thing to master for kids! And it’s tough to know how to teach it to them as parents. I actually just had to take my 6 year old to a sleep specialist because she was still waking up 2-3 times a NIGHT! Ridiculous for a 6 year old! The sleep specialist said that her problem was behavioral and recommended a bedtime pass. Basically you give them a 3×5 card that says “Bedtime Pass” on it and let them decorate it themselves. Then if they get out of bed or you have to come in multiple times, they have to give you the bedtime pass. If they still have their pass in the morning, they get a prize of some kind. It might help to cut down on how long the kids talk at night if they know that they get a prize in the morning for going to sleep quickly. I’m getting ready to cut back on how often my daughter gets prizes for staying in bed because she’s progressed so far! Good luck!

My brother-in-law (9) has always been an early riser too. Drove his parents crazy. They taught him how to read a clock and told him he was not allowed to wake anyone up until it read 7:00 or later…or something like that. It seemed to work for them–he just learned to play quietly in the morning until he was allowed to wake people up.

Other than that, I also wondered why your kids go to bed so early. Maybe try a later bedtime? I put Olive down 9 or 9:30 and she usually just wakes up when we start making noise in the morning. Good luck, mama! I know this can’t be easy while you are pregnant.

Oops! Should’ve mentioned as well that I have my oldest THREE all sharing a room and at this point, the youngest (who will be 3 soon) goes to bed by 7:30, and the older two go to bed by 8:30 and they all sleep till 7:30 or 8 most mornings. We put them to bed an hour apart because otherwise the 3 year old wakes up. If you give one a longer time to fall asleep soundly, he’d probably be more difficult for the other one to wake up. And if the older one gets prizes for helping his brother sleep, he might be more willing to go to bed quietly. Best of luck to you!

I am sure you are getting lots of good advice. I didn’t read any but the first one, so forgive me if it is all repeat advice. First of all, no matter what time my kids go to bed (early or late) they rise with the sun so I don’t know that Changing Will’s bed time would help any. Plus I am a firm believer that kids should go to bed early so that mommy and daddy can have alone time with out staying up too late themselves.
Secondly, how long have they been sharing a room? It does take time to adjust. Think how fun and novel it is for them to be together. I have to stop my kids from chattering sometimes too, but eventually it will be old hat and the brother bonding time (giggles and such) will decrease.
Also if Luke is going from pitch black to night light, that may affect his sleep, but what are you going to do since Will needs it . . . sounds like he’ll have to get used to it. Kiera was such a good sleeper until I moved her into Cambria’s room to make space for Bubba. She struggled for a while, but evntually she got used to it and went back to being a good little sleeper.
Lastly (I think) Will has a lot of change going on in his life right now. He is now sharing a room with his bro, his mommy is big and pregnant and most likely not interacting the way she normally does with him (at least I know my kids get a different mom when I am nearing the end of my pregnancy) and you just got back from a summer in Utah where he had people and entertainnment around every corner. he might miss that.
In time things will go back to normal, or at least some version of it. Remind yourself that this is just a phase and won’t last forever. And when you want to pull your hair out you can borrow my mantra “this too shall pass” I swear it helps to say that.
You’ll make it through and so will your boys:) Do what you have to do and hang in there!

my four year old recently went through a defiant stage, and she did not care about any punishment. Then I remembered the most basic thing I used when I used to teach school, kids respond way better to praise then punishment. I got a small jar and decided to fill it with beads for good behavior (I got a small jar, because I wanted it to fill up faster, so she could see that it was getting somewhere and have her reward sooner). I took her to Jo-Ann’s and let her pick a bag of plastic beads (it was like $2) and told her everytime she was making good choices, minding, being nice, or just behaving well, she got to put a bead in the jar. At first, I really exaggerated this, giving her beads for the smallest thing. I really wanted her to get the point that she could get a lot of beads. after about a day, she quickly caught on. I told her to pick a fun thing we could do together when the jar was full (I bevlieve the reward of special one on one time makes a much bigger impression than a treat). I also told her she could never ask for a bead or help herself, or she did not get one. This worked like a charm, it took about a month and a half to get the jar full, and she really got in the habbit of just wanting to do good things. We went on a special date when she finished, that she planned. Plus, she got to make necklaces with the beads. I did not do it a second time, and it has been about six weeks, and I still find her trying to have good behavior, but acknowledgement and praise seem to be a good enough reward for her now. good luck, and sorry for the novel

the beauty is you can use it for any good behavior; staying in bed, going potty, being nice, doing what you ask, etc. also, it is important to only use it for good behavior, meaning do not take beads out if they are bad, make sure it always stays a positive thing, so they don’t lose interest or stop liking it

I am so happy that you are getting such wonderful, thoughtout responses. I too would like to send you a huge HUG!!!! I have a 5 and a 4 year old. We never went through the terrible twos, but let me tell you the threes were AWFUL!!!! I really do not know if it is anything that you are doing. He is growing up. He is testing his boundries to see if you will remain consistent and structured for him. I know both of my daughters were different with this. One I could put in time out for a behavior once and I would not see it again. The other one I would have to put in timeout multiple times over and over until she behaved well and then after a few weeks it would happen again (just when I thought we were through with that stuff). I used a three warning system with timeouts when they were that age or three warnings and you lose your favorite something for a period of time. By three there can also be unacceptable behaviors that do not get warnings you just get a timeout or favorite thing is in time out. As much as it makes us pull our hair out and scream it is there job to test us and our job to provide structure and teach them behave and make good choices (fun times right!) As for the potty. I also know that both my girls would go periods of time doing well and then all of a sudden would have trouble again. I have also noticed it happen when they were constipated (sorry TMI). The last thing I can think of is that you are pregnant sweetie. Things are changing. He knows that too. I can not wait to hear about this all turning out for you. This too shall pass, just hang on. From what I can tell you are thoughtful and perceptive. You truly are about you children and just want everything to be alright, go well and find some sanity. Again, I hope you keep us posted. *MWAH* -Laverne from Kindred Adventures

First of all I’m sending you lots and lots of hugs. I know exactly how you feel. I have a 2.5 year old girl who has just truned into a different child. Like in your case, her behaviour and even potty training just changed. I put it partly down to stress (our dad died and it was hard on both of us) but also it is her testing boundaries. It might be worth considering that the stressful part is not about your son being moved but because you are expecting another baby.

I noticed it helped my little girl if I explained to her reasons. I would seat her on the step and explain to her why it is wrong to do what she did. I tell her that she is a good girl and should be acting like one. Her bad behaviour is not going to be tolerated. I believe if I continue telling her she is good she will start acting good , errr… eventually. I try not to raise voice or get too stressed, but God knows it’s really hard. Routine and consistency is important too.

Also I try to leave some wriggle room for both of us. I try not to get in a situation where I would have to give in therefore she would see me lose the battle for power. If she wants chocolate and she shouldn’t I tell her she will get it later and offer her alternative. It is much trickier to make her do things and I try to come it accross as her idea ‘I will help you tidy your toys’. If she believes I am always in control and she never gets her way against my wishes I hope it will build my reputation as someone to be obeyed.

That’s the theory and am still awaiting conclusive results.

Just as a time reference. My girl wakes at about 7.30am and if she naps (about 1 hour at 2pm) I put her to sleep about 8-8:30pm. If not she goes to sleep earlier. So he might not need that much sleep, but of course you know you baby better than anyone.

Honestly, it’s nothing your doing or not doing. He’s a three year old. He’s learning rebellion, he’s not sure how to express himself other than through naughty behaviors, and most of all, HE’S THREE!!!! He’s getting 14 hours of sleep a day on average, which is what a child that age should be getting. So, mostly, his behavior can only be blamed on his age. He probably realizes more than you think that changes are coming his way with baby #3. Do they take naps at the same time? Try to find some time in the day or evening in which you can have quality solo time with him, if you don’t already. My 4 year old would find any way she could to get her younger sister in trouble or pick on her until I picked up a preschool activity book at Walmart and started working on that with her while the little one takes a nap. She plays with her sister more patiently now and is less apt to cry just to get little sis in trouble. Not saying this will miraculously work, but you have to remember, the oldest had you first all to himself and now he’s gotta share you. And sometimes we unintentionally put too much expectations on our oldest child. I know, I’m the oldest married to an oldest child and we see ourselves treat our oldest the exact some way we were treated, even though we swore we’d never do that!

I have no advice since I’m on pregnancy #2, and my just-turned-4-year-old doesn’t have to share a room yet. But I will say… 3 year olds are EVIL. Well, okay, maybe not evil, but I definitely think it’s just the age, combined with dealing with a new baby coming. My daughter is a lot more clingy, and is definitely testing lots of limits, even while saying she’s excited about a new sister. Just stay strong, and be consistent. Good luck!

When I read your blog post I thought it was me! My two and half year old boy has just started being quite difficult in the last two weeks. We have days where I call my husband in tears because I just don’t know what else to do. I babysit and he has bitten children twice. He throws fits about sharing and hits. When I put him in time out it is just a disaster now. He used to just sit until the timer went off now I have to stand there and keep putting him back and resetting the timer. He will laugh at me when I am mad. Those days I just want to rip my hair out. Then the next day he will be good as gold.

I am trying to create a more structured day for him to keep him busy and out of trouble. I have started reserving a time to play games he loves and do other activities together. That seems to help get him through the day and others days it does not matter. So I have no advice but as you have already heard from the other commenters you are not alone. Just keep taking it one day at a time!! This to shall pass.

I am commenting before reading what others have said but he could be acting out because of all the changes that are going on right now. He didn’t have to share a room and now he does and the lack of sleep and the new baby coming shortly. Maybe put them to bed at the same time read books together and say pray together or whatever your family does and hopefully that would help. Otherwise maybe separating the two would be better. It is also that age where they are trying to be more independent and trying to test the water to see what they can get away with. My daughter is 2 1/2 and her dad and I aren’t divorced and my daughter definitely tests the waters with me all the time more so then when we were married. Just stick to your guns and it’ll get better!

when we first put all 4 kids in one room it was CRAZY. The staggering bedtimes meant we had kids going to bed from 8-midnight… We actually started using melatonin (in the natural section of the grocery store) we buy the chewable kind and cut them in half so it’s a super tiny amount. Anyway it helps the kids fall asleep in about 20 mins. So we give it to them all, put them ALL in bed and in 20 mins they are OUT. Now we don’t have to use it all the time and they still are in the habit and go to sleep on time at the same time great! But that’s what worked for us, and our pediatrition told us about it. S

1. Have them start out in separate rooms to fall asleep and then move them to their own beds.
2. Check out 5 Love Languages to see if your correctly filling up his “Love Tank” – may sound crazy but understanding what makes his heart happy – like quality time – may make him happier.
3. Don’t worry about potty training and it’s okay to take a break. I did pay my kids 1 penny for #1 and 2 for #2 – just kept a cup of money in the bathroom.
4. Setting clear expectations and boundaries for him now will pay off ten-fold in the future. It’s so hard and exhausting now – but it really does work. It’s exhausting to put them in time-out again, notice them doing naughty things constantly, keeping a tight leash on them – etc. But don’t back down – they can see where you are weak!

HUGS to you! I dont have advice because I have no idea how my son lived to be 4 except for me to pray a lot. 3 was horrific! It was like someone flipped the a switch and a demon took over my precious little man! He will out grow it. Be consistant. I said a prayer for you!

So, you have a lot of advice already, but just wanted to share my two cents, in case someone wants to read it. My third child will be a month old this week, so he currently sleeps in the same room as my husband and me. However, the other two, boy (3.5yo) and girl (1.5yo) have shared rooms since the girl was four months old. Quite often the boy has woken up the girl and occasionally vice versa. But then they get used to it. I guess the reason that info can help your situation is that there always is an adjustment period.

Not to scare you, but we have worked with my older son a LOT with obedience and appropriate behaviors, etc. (Think the Land of Obey by Janeen Brady. Awesome.) Now that the kids know that the baby is here to stay, they both have dealt with attention-seeking not-so-appropriate behaviors. Being pregnant, discipline is one of the LAST things you’re interested in doing. But if you are consistent, I promise that the results will be better. Repetition is the mother of all learning–kids need to be reminded and taught over and over and over and over. (Heck, so do we, right?) In life we need to “behave nicely” even when we haven’t had enough sleep and are hungry or stressed, etc., etc. Thus, we need to teach the same to our children.

Hope this may help someone. I do feel your strain–I was there just a few weeks ago. Try to “catch your child being good.” Tough on most of those days, but it has worked wonders with my 3yo. Good luck!

I can totally feel your pain. My three kids share a bedroom–they are 4, 3, and 1. Something we learned about from our doctor was giving the kids liquid melatonin to help regulate their sleep. We give it to them 20 minutes before bed, and it helps them fall asleep much easier. It makes them drowsy, but doesn’t make them sleep any heavier than normal. It might be enough to help them not miss that window where they are ready to go to bed, but dont because of talking, etc. It has been a big help for us with that.

I SO feel your pain. before we moved for optometry school we lived in a TINY place. When baby #2 was born they had to share a little room. to make this work at bedtime we put #2 in the crib in the bedroom and we put her to bed in our bed in our room and when it was time for us to go to bed we would just move her to her own bed. and my almost 3 year old is becoming very bratty lately (i think alot of it is daddy i gone ALL the time at school and he can’t get his attention like he wants) he goes after his big sister at any chance he gets. I am just trying to work on loving him and being patient and make sure he gets his daddy time in. Good luck!

I’m in a pretty similar situation, 2 bed apartment, 3 kids. Difficult living conditions, but manageable. When we had our 3rd child, our 3-yo had some major issues. Very similar to what you described. Making sure that he had one-on-one time with me everyday resolved alot of issues. Just saying things like, “Can you make me happy and go potty on the toilet?” made him excited to behave better. Life is full of adjustments. When kids start acting out, usually they just need a little extra positive attention. Good luck!

Bless your heart. We are in a similar situation…two bed, one bath, three rowdy boys, ages 5, 3, and 1. It’s hard. But you can do it. Some nights are better than others. My dh likes to put one to sleep on the couch, and one in our bed and the baby in the crib then shuffle them all to their own beds…I prefer to put them in their room (baby asleep at 7), 5 yr old at 8:15, and 3 yr old in bed when big brother is asleep. My 5 yr old is ready for bed because Kindergarten is exhausting apparently, and the middle child feels like he needs more mommy time…so it’s what works for us. Our 3 yr old has undergone some horrid moments/days/weeks/months himself…Life’s hard when you’re sandwiched in between a kindergartner and an adorable baby brother…so the extra attention helps. Best of luck to you!!!

it’s a phase, I think the terrible two’s is infact the terrible three’s. Both of mine have been through it, my DS started at 1 and finished just before his 4th,my dd is just coming out of it. They want to be more independent but can’t, they get easily frustrated without being able to explain, happy one minute, spiteful and hurtful the next. Why are they in bed so early ? my soon to be 4 year old goes about 7.30-8.00 and my older one 8-8.30, and with a 2 hour nap I don’t think he’s going to be tired by 6.30, wake him up after an hour. My girl is in school fulltime here in France and she has a nap at school of an hour, then comes home 4.30 and is in bed by 7.30. My advice, ride it out but also is he feeling some pressure because they’ll be a new baby in the house soon, perhaps some one to one special time before bed, nice night time story and a big hug/cuddle with mummy.

First, I definitely think the saying should be “terrible threes” not “terrible twos”. I also have two young boys sharing a room in our tiny two bedroom house. It is difficult at times, to say the least.

It makes me smile that your little guy slept in the 2nd bathroom. He’ll grow up to be well-rounded because he had a creative momma who was able to adapt to all kinds of situations!

My best advice for the behavior is making extra time every week {every day if you can} to spend just you and him. We’ve noticed our four-year-old’s behavior completely turn around when he gets more one on one time with either my husband or me. We will go on a “date”, just him and me. Or sometimes something as simple as taking just him with me to the grocery store helps. It shows him that he doesn’t have to act out to get attention, and over time he has learned that positive attention from me is always better than negative. Good luck!

I don’t know if this will help, but here is what works for us. My daughters are 18 months apart and I have had them sleeping in the same room since the youngest was about 6 months old. I try to put them down within 15 to 20 minutes of each other with a strict rule that they are to stay in their own beds and not play (though sometimes it is very sweet to hear them in there giggling together). I established with them consequences (they loses their books or stuffed animals, sit in the corner, etc) if the rules are broken.

The oldest (she is 3) likes to look at books before she goes to sleep and I let her as long as she is quiet. I also tell her that she doesn’t have to sleep if she doesn’t want to, but she does have to stay in her bed and she has to stay quiet. This works really well for her. I think it gives her a feeling of independence.

I also learned recently that if I change their bedtime by 15 minutes (I went 15 minutes earlier), they actually fall asleep faster and sounder.

If they get up too early, I very often put them back to bed with the same rules as bedtime. I tell them it is not time to be awake. My sister put a clock in her kids’ room with a sign next to it that showed what time they could get up.

I hope you will be able to figure things out. I think it is just a matter of trial and error and figuring out what works best for your own child. Good luck!

I have a 4-yr-old girl and a 5-yr-old sharing a room. And, it was a bit hard in the beginning but now wonder how it all will go when they my 4-yr-old switches to sharing a room with her baby sister. They go to sleep and may talk a little but overall it works for them.
I would recommend a lot of physical activity in the afternoon so by bed-time they’re tired and would not have the energy to spend an hour talking.
And, as for the behaviour, I believe is the age he’s going through. Learning, potty training, understanding so much more of what goes around him. If you think about it only a 2-3-yr-old can handle this and not lose his mind 🙂 only express his dislikes in a way that anyone around him will get the point that IT IS a hard period in a human being’s life.
Just give him all your love and as much attention as you can and let him know you’re there for him holding his hand through it all, wouldn’t we all love that when we go through hard times?

Check out http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/child-training/ for child training tips. I have followed a similar way of training my two children currently 6 and 5 and can honestly say although they are not perfect (no one is) they never had the terrible two’s or three’s that people talk about. It sounds to me like the problems you are having are a combination. I agree that your son may not be getting enough sleep and this would be affecting his behavior. I also know that this is the age where kids are starting to test their boundaries finding out just how far they can go with things and just how much they can control things. This is a good time to help him to learn to control his behavior in unfavorable circumstances. I used to tell my children “I know you are hungry, tired, bored (whatever it was) but that is not an excuse to behave this way.” This would be followed by some punishment to reinforce the fact to them that it is not acceptable. This is not always easy, but will help them to grow into pleasant people to be around not only while they are young but when they become adults. That said I did my best to make sure all needs (naps, snacks, drinks) were met and they were not often in a state where this behavior would happen. They are after all children and still learning.
Is it possible for baby to stay in your room for the remainder of the time you are living in the house? I know this may not be a solution for you, but thought I would bring it up just in case. I do hope you find a good solution and adjustments can be made so things get smoother for everyone.
Please know that I am not judging by any means, but simply trying to help with something that was helpful for me while my children were young. 🙂

Some may think that I am a terrible mother – but our doctor assures me I’m not…. we give Nathan 1mg of Melatonin a night to help him fall asleep and stay asleep. If we didnt he would be up until 11 or midnight just playing. Our bodies naturally make melatonin – that’s how we fall asleep, but some kids (ahem – mine) needs help in falling asleep.
Read up on it – totally natural and you can get it at Walmart for $3 a bottle of 60.

It sounds like you are a good mom! It will help you to get enough sleep, too. Also, I would suggest carving out some one-on-one time with each child each day. It’s normal for a child to regress when big changes happen. Hang in there! It will get better and these days will pass quickly.

It’s not terrible 2’s it’s terrible 3’s for sure. I think patience and consistency is the key here. He’s going to throw horrid fits, hit, yell, and bedtime is hard too it’s completely normal. I say be completely consistent with whatever you choose to do about the issues.