BDB: The news in Valentine form. Roses are red, violets are blue. Lady pees on a cop and Trump says we’re through!

Ahhh Valentine’s Day. The day of love. The day of romance. The day we turn everything into a poem, because this is America and we can.

Well aren’t all you lucky people in for a real treat. I’ve decided to dig deep into my fifth-grade-level poetry writing skills and bring to you all the news … in Valentine form.

Here goes nothing… the news …. In Valentines….

To: Melbourne Police Officer
Love: Lady with DUI charge

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
You say I'm drunk.
So imma pee on you.

"I'm peeing and I hope it gets on you!" the police report read. Aww, what a sweet sentiment just in time for Valentine’s Day.

Let me tell you all about the fairy tale romance between Melbourne police and a women allegedly driving drunk with her baby in the back seat. It’s truly a Hallmark movie in the making.

It begins as most love stories do. There she was, 40-year-old Nichole Nespolini, driving erratically while screaming and cursing at another car until BAM! She rear-ends it.

Nespoloini pleads to the other driver to please not call the cops, but alas, the cops are called. This is when Melbourne police arrive and the plot thickens.

Police reports tell us that Nespolini continued to act erratically, walking into traffic and pushing an officer in the chest. At one point, she stood on her toes to yell in an officer's face, police report.

But her true love wouldn’t reach its full potential until she was in handcuffs.

"I'm peeing and I hope it gets on you!" She tells the officer, according to reports, as she begins to tinkle on the officer’s foot. She then proceeds to kick another officer in the groin while being escorted into the police car, reports state.

Wow. That’s some next-level love right there. So many feelings. A true physical connection!

Maybe that’s why the Melbourne Police decided it was too soon to just let her walk away. Ah yes, they couldn’t bear the thought of her leaving, so they charged her with driving under the influence, DUI with property damage, child neglect, resisting officer with violence, resisting officer without violence and battery on a law enforcement officer.

They said it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.(Photo: Getty Images)

To: International Space Station
Love: Donald Trump

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
You’re pretty cool.
But we ain’t payin’ for you.

Not all love stories have happy endings, they say, and thus seems to be the case between Donald Trump’s administration and the International Space Station (hey that rhymed. Bonus poem! Lucky you!).

As Donald Trump and his team gazed toward the night sky, he yelled out to the heavens, “YOU’RE FIRRRREEEEDDDDD!”

It was an emotional yell as the administration submitted its budget proposal that called for NASA to drop its role in the functions of the International Space Station by 2025.

The budget calls for $19.9 billion dollars-worth of spending (up $400 million from this year), but the Trump administration has found eyes for someone else. The budget has set its sights on a newer, younger plan that offers near-term human exploration on the moon. The decades-old space station will have to move on and hope to catch the fancy of a private or international partner if the budget plan passes.

To: Qualified general public of Brevard County
Love: Brevard Public Schools

Roses are red.
Brevard Schools are blue.
We don’t pay crap.
But we still need you.

It’s perhaps a missed encounter between two lost loves: The Brevard Public Schools system and the hundreds of substitute teachers it needs.

The school system is hurting … it’s hurting for the love of area substitute teachers and its pain can be felt in classrooms across the district. “What is love? Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more.” the School Board asserted as it considered signing at contact with Kelly Services at a recent meeting. The school board, sick of being rejected by substitute teachers who are picky about what jobs they take, is considering an arranged partnership with Kelly Services. The company would supply substitute teachers for the district for about $5.2 million for a two-year agreement. That’s $1.2 million more than what the district is currently spending to pay substitutes and provide Medicare and workers' compensation.

Schools have between 200 and 400 positions that need to be filled each day, but about 30 go unfilled causing all kind of problems.

The district currently has a pool of 1,224 substitutes, compared to its 4,500 full-time teachers. However, the district struggles to fill positions in low-income schools and those in the north and south ends of the county, as well as positions that deal with special needs students and VPK classes.

Of course, substitute teachers haven’t gotten a raise in a decade and those without college degrees make just above minimum wage.

But as the Beatles once said, “you can’t buy me love.”

And all the substitutes are like “pssssssssh.”

Now that I’ve got that song stuck in your head. Here you go:

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

About BDB:

Boiled Down Brevard is an irreverent daily column that puts a quirky spin on today's news. We "boil" it all down. To get BDB daily, download the Florida Today app and allow notifications. We'll send you an alert every evening.