Day 4 #HAWMC

I still find it hard to believe it is twelve years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, but I remember every detail of that day so clearly. I remember the sense of shock, and truthfully I had no idea what questions I should be asking. The questions came later.

I remember walking back out into a waiting room full of other women and thinking this is like some kind of bad-luck lottery. No one knew sitting in that room which of us would walk away that day with the life-changing news that we had cancer.

I had no idea what was ahead of me and when I think back now, I wish I could go back in time to share with my 32-year old self what the coming months and years would teach me. There were questions I should have asked and decisions I should have made which would have made a difference to my treatment and to rest of my life.

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5 thoughts on “Day 4 #HAWMC”

I remember vividly the mixture of fear, anger and disbelief. Then the sudden realisation that I was about to shatter my children’s safe world. That made me determined that I was going to be one of the lucky ones. No way was in dying and leaving my kids. But I will never forget the fear

Today’s prompt was so hard for me to write about. I remember the day of my diagnosis, but somehow, the details of that day weren’t what came out when I began to write. Most of all, in writing today, I learned that my diagnosis wasn’t really as much of an answer . . . more of a portal into a new universe. But, like you said, most of us probably had to learn the hard way. How can we know what we don’t know, ya know? 🙂 Blessings to you.

I agree with The Mesh Warrior, that a cancer diagnosis is like a portal into a new universe. I’ve had 5 diagnoses since 2008: 3 primary, 2 secondary. I wouldn’t say it gets easier, but having come out the other side, each diagnosis feels slightly less scary. The first time, it didn’t sink in immediately. A couple of days later, I was reading something unrelated, when a lightbulb went off in my head, and I became convinced that my body could heal itself, and that I should turn down all forms of medical intervention. I eventually had surgery, but turned down chemo and radio therapies. With the benefit of hindsight, I might have played it differently… Now I gratefully accept help, in whatever form. I will admit that being diagnosed with mets in the brain earlier this year felt rather scary – but I’m still here, I’m recovering well, and I’m still enjoying life!

". . .and the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles, no matter how long, but only by a spiritual journey, a journey of one inch, very arduous and humbling and JOYFUL, by which we arrive at the ground at our own feet, and learn to be at home."
Wendell Berry