Thanksgiving Break Back In Your Hometown Is A Nice Change Of Pace

The boys are back in town. You finally made it home for Thanksgiving break. For some, that’s a short drive across state lines. For others, it’s a long flight and an even longer drive back to your parents’ place. Regardless of how you got there, you’re just happy to be home — at least for a little while. But as soon as you walk in the front door, you notice something isn’t right. The smell of cigs, weed, and spilled booze doesn’t hit your nostrils. The fridge is fully stocked with actual food. There isn’t dip spit and trash littered throughout every room. All the dishes are clean and nothing is broken. You are confused, but you soon recall what life was like before college.

Remember coming home in high school so lit up after a six pack of Natty Light you could barely stand? Those were the days. Thanksgiving break gives you the opportunity to relive your high school glory in every way possible the night before Thanksgiving. You have the golden opportunity to act a fool with little to no consequences to worry about. If you break something, your parents have money to fix it. If you eat all the food in the house at 3 am, they can go grocery shopping. If you get arrested, they have bail money. It’s all good in the hood, baby.

Every year, Thanksgiving break gives college kids the chance to act like completely different people in front of their former high school classmates. You meet up at the local bar, laugh at the townies who didn’t go to college, and show everyone how much better you are since you left this town.

The more people that show up, the more you drink and talk shit about your old classmates. “Damn, is that Seth? I heard he just had his second kid with Chelsea. Remember Chelsea from history class junior year? Crazy.” Soon, the booze does the opposite of what it was designed to do and you start to recall all of your embarrassing high school memories. Just then, you see the girl who wouldn’t give you the time of day during sophomore year. Your booze brain starts formulating a plan.

Remember how Gina rejected you in front of your boys in the cafeteria after you asked her out to the homecoming dance? That was embarrassing AF. They busted your balls for months after that. She still looks good though. Freshman fifteen barely hit her. Show her how much of a casanova State turned you into by slamming back a row of five fireball shots at the bar right in front of her. Yeah, that’ll show her. She really missed out when she said no to this stud. When your nerves have simmered down, drunkenly stumble up to her and tell her she’s a moron for not going to the dance with you. She’ll walk away confused and pissed off, but now you got her right where you want her. When you somehow make your way home later that night, get her number from one of your friends and send her a late night text apologizing for what you said and ask her to come over for a “nightcap”. That’s definitely not creepy. She’ll see the text and remember what a sweet guy you are and how hot it was when you slammed those shots back earlier. Done deal.

It’s amazing how the drunk mind works. At the time, you thought this plan was foolproof. The sad truth is you’ll pass out on your childhood mattress, fully clothed with some leftover food half eaten on the floor and wake up to Brazzers blaring out of your headphones at 9 am.

In all seriousness, this time of the year is great. You get to visit friends and family and have fun while doing it. For some people, it’s the only time of the year they get to reunite with old friends. For others, it’s the perfect time to rekindle that relationship with their high school ex. Everyone celebrates Thanksgiving break differently, but the only constant is going to the local bar and acting a fool in front of people you haven’t seen in a long time.

Just remember, you’re not at school anymore. The police don’t have a “no chase” policy here. The bartenders expect more than a dollar tip. No one cares that you’re in a “top tier” fraternity. Thanksgiving break is a celebration to reflect on what you’re thankful for and a time to meet up with family and friends. Remember, it’s only a week long, so if you do fuck up really bad at least you can escape to your off-campus house in a few days with a tray full of leftovers hoping to forget what an embarrassment you are..

Look at Fratty Couples! After years of languishing in the minor leagues of Exec, he’s got his career back on track. At this rate he’ll make Fifth Year around the time his third child is born! An American Success Story if I ever heard one!

Thanksgiving Break in your hometown is for the absolute worst type of bottom-tier poor. I’m in Vegas, living it up in the $25k per night Titus Villa. I’ve already dropped $10k at the blackjack tables which is less than my lunch money for one week. I flew out in my family’s private jet but we also had my new Ford F-150 King Ranch shipped out to give me some wheels. I’m about to load up a crew of strippers in the back and head out to the desert for some six-on-one VIP service. I’m also having Fratty Couples’ and sigmanugs311’s moms shipped out so I’ll have some familiar asses to be balls deep in later tonight. I may not make it back in time for classes Monday but it doesn’t matter. My family has given so much money to the school I dont even have to attend classes or take exams. The profs see my name and give me an A no questions asked.