Right away, they sent me a little “thank you” package. Inside the box were two items:

(1) A limited edition movie candle for my home (Aww. Thanks, Grace Hill. What a sweet and unique gift.) and …

… (2) A bone-chilling, demon-exorcising prayer to recite once it’s ignited. (Seriously, Grace Hill? Totally uncool. Now I’m scared before I even step into the theater.)

Of course, since when did being scared ever stop me from doing anything? (Attention: People who know me personally. Please refrain from listing the dozens of answers you probably have to this question as it waters down the peer pressure tactics I’m about to exhibit.) Fear Schmear! I am going to see this movie. And so is Mel. And so are YOU!! And here’s why …

Five Reasons to See The Conjuring 2

Because who doesn’t love a scary movie? Okay, fine. Truth be told, I watched much of the first movie between my pathetic, trembling fingers. Yes, I am a card-carrying coward … but there was no way I was missing out on the second highest-grossing original horror movie of all time. Second only to The Exorcist. Chew on that, lily-livereds.

Because one of the leads is played by a girl from New Orleans. I just found a picture of her (Madison Wolfe) with my daughter singing in the school choir. I almost posted it then decided she’s not my child so it wouldn’t be appropriate. You’ll just have to take my word for it. And know that it’s a pretty exciting development in my little corner of the world.

Because sleep is overrated. And since this movie will have you cogitating for a while, just imagine all the things you’ll be able to get done in the middle of the night when the rest of the world is wasting its time sleeping. You could organize all of your closets, toiletries and canned goods by color, learn to speak Portuguese or even potty train your cat.

Because your body’s many physiological functions will get a full workup. You can test your heart, your circulation, your respiratory system, your kidneys, your bladder, your sweat glands, your vocal cords and even your tear ducts all simultaneously from the comfort of your cushy chair in a dark movie theater. And all for free.

Because the movie looks just fantastic. Check it out. (P.S. Yes. That’s Madison.)

Oh, and I almost forgot. We have prizes! Mel and I are giving away TWO prize packages from The Conjuring 2. Each package contains 2 movie money passes, a leather-bound journal, a T-shirt, a mug and a flashlight.