Fertility Treatments

Failed IUI's- losing hope

hblank1022 wrote:

I am 32, my hubby and I have been TTC for 18 months. We had a miracle last summer and finally got pregnant with clomid, but sadly lost our angel to mc at 6 weeks. That loss was devastating. Not only to me, but to our marriage. Since then, we have had a total of 5 failed IUI attempts. I'm so depressed that I can barely take it. Our next step is IVF. I find myself being SO jealous of my friends who have children. My husband and I barely have a sex life anymore because everything just became so 'technical' with the dates. I am really at a loss and am starting to think I may never be a mother. I have tried to stay positive but there is no chance for me to get pregnant naturally if my husband and I have a nonexistent sex life. Maybe I am just venting or looking for some advice from someone who knows what I am going through. Just found out today that one of my BFF is pregnant after just beginning to try. My other BFF just had a daughter 2 weeks ago. I don't think I can handle this anymore. I just come home and cry about it. Anyone have similar experiences?

@mcgeelisha No but maybe try and be a couple again? Date nights...lingerie all those little things help. Make it more of having sex cuz you actually want to not just making a baby. Or maybe just do some nice little things for your dh... Sometimes my hubs and I fall into the ugh just for a baby type sex and then he tries to make it more fun and catch me off guard. It's better that way feeling wanted and seduced! GL lady and sorry I don't have much advice

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Daniella111410

I totally understand your pain. We have been trying for 2 years. We are on our second IUI and I am sure its a bust. We have been doing everything possible: no alcohol, caffeine, eating right, vitamins, etc. I have been holding up pretty good through all of this but I broke down the other day and cried my whole way home. I am just so sad. I don't understand why God is putting us through this. I have friends who were not even trying when we started and they all have babies already. Some are even a year now. On top of it all, my sister is due in June with her third and she don't even appreciate the two she has already. All I can say, is my heart is filled with sadness and I am not sure how much more I can take. I am trying to stay positive and have faith, but I just don't understand this. As far as the love making goes, try to just enjoy eachother on days when you are not really trying. I have been married for 3 years, and the love making is the best thing out of this whole battle. So try to look at it that way. Its an intimate experience and a connection with your husband. Hang in there, and try to have faith.

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Candy252014

@hblank1022 I know it's easier said than done but just hang in there.God is with us all the way:)

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jmarie3

I've been there and felt all the same things. Been trying for 2 years, was the first out of our group of friends to want kids now we are the only ones still without. It's been a pretty pill to swallow but (and I'm not pushing this but worked for me) I recently started going back to church. The comfort and peace I have been receiving by whole heartingly putting my faith back into God had helped me tremendously. The beginning of the year I was pretty depressed, would just mope, not get out of bed, cry over every little thing. But I am realizing that this is my journey and my path. My DH and I were chosen for this path and our friends not so much. I pray you can find the comfort and peace thru your struggles. The most important thing through this all is keeping your relationship with your husband. Sit down one night and discuss everything. He is your #1 supporter!

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lidiuccia

@mcgeelisha oh man, as bad as it sounds i am relieved to see i am not the only one going through this. you ladies seem to always feel my pain and understand my struggles. we have been trying for around 20 months too and just got news yesterday that our first iui was a flop. it sucks and hurts so badly. i wish none of us had to go through this and i find myself asking 'why?' more and more as time passes. tonight i have to visit the newborn of my bff and i just know i am going to cry when i see him. as for advice to pass on to you... i have no clue. i want you to know you aren't alone and your feelings are ok and normal. and i want to try really hard with you to believe that this is all just a longer path we have to take which will ultimately lead us to our dreams coming true. i am praying for us all. i am 32 as well and dh and i are taking a break from iui this cycle and try to be us again. i miss our great sex life from before ttc. i hope a little break will help?? we shall see... best of luck hun, and stay strong our time will come. <3

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wiltsli

Wow! I swear your experience could have been written by me! I am going through the exact same thing except mine is worse cuz I'm 39 and time is running out! I want to strangle people that ask us when we r going to have a baby because people look at my hubby and me and think we don't want them. I think that they all feel that I am too vain to wreck my body for a baby and i'd rather party my life away and they look at my very handsome hubby and think he's not interested in having a family either. Little do they know I die a little inside every time someone asks me about it. And I die a little more every time my iui doesn't work. This is my fourth iui and I am on 6dpiui right now in a cycle that probably didn't even have eggs but instead cysts however since I was on chlomid I figure I should at least try it.

I totally feel your pain about the sex thing too. I get so much anxiety when it comes time for bd cuz I'm afraid I will be rejected cuz the expectations are too stressful for him and then sex just wont happen and just like you said how are we supposed to get pregnant without having any sex! And of course that's another piece to this depressing puzzle, the feeling of rejection and depending solely on the iui to

Make it happen for us.

The one thing I started to do for the sex thing is to keep ovulation secret and to just come to bed naked instead of my usual unsexy pjs! That has

Worked for me this cycle. We actually did it twice at ovulation in addition to the iui. Figures I would have to get the gutts to go for it on a doomed iui cycle : ( but whatever at least we did it.

As far as watching everyone around u have babies, well imagine me at 39. Every single person I hang out with has children at this age. Makes it really tough to go to parties and social gatherings cuz all the women talk about is their kids. And it's crippling. Sometimes you just have to give yourself a few days of tears and pity but after that you must force yourself out of the sadness and move forward. Get out and take a walk, problems always seem smaller when u r outside. Read a really good book, do some yoga, give yourself a spa bath experience. Taking care of you and your mental well being is key at this time in our lives. And it helps with this roller coaster we are on.

I wish you luck in moving forward and just know in your heart that your baby is on its way, it's just taking the Long route : ) chin up, cheer up, good news will eventually come your way!

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Renee_ttc

@wiltsli You have already received a lot of great advice from all these beautiful ladies...but I just wanted to add for rekindling your marriage (sex life but also just your friendship) is to maybe get away for a weekend...doesn't have to be far or an expensive trip but just to a near by city or something. And just enjoy being with each other again. In my really sad moments, I always try to remind myself that at the end of the day, baby or no baby I'm still amazingly blessed to have my DH who puts up with all my fertility med moods swings and all! It is a very hard process, and I'm so sorry about your loss :( But another thing I always tell myself is that God has a perfect baby planned for us at His perfect time...and perfection takes time, and I will appreciate that BFP infinitely more than I would have ever appreciated it had it happened right away. Sending you hugs and prayers!

I agree completely! A weekend or even a night away will do wonders to bring you back from sadness. My prob is my hubby is a workaholic so to get him not to work on the weekends is almost impossible. But I have got him to promise me a hike once a week so that will kind of be our time away : ). Nature always puts everything into perspective for me!

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hblank1022

@mcgeelisha Ladies, thank you so much for all of your kind words and amazing advice. Sometimes it helps just to know that I am not alone in this endeavor. I agree that my DH and I need to go back to focusing on us. We need a break from the meds, the appointments and the schedules, and need to go back to being best friends who love and cherish each other immensely. I do know that God has a plan for each of us. I whole heartedly agree that all of our struggles, heartaches, and misfortunes will make that BFP even more of a miracle and a blessing. Again I thank you all. These forums really act as my support system as none of my female friends have this same issue. My DH is amazing and listens, but I know he is going through a lot too and don't want him to blame himself, which I think he does at times. I may just go home, relax, and get back to being us! And who knows, maybe a little spontaneity will do us some good! Best of luck, lots of prayers, and warm wishes going out to each of you.

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Babydust911

WOW i feel like i'm reading my life when i saw your post.. you are so not alone.. i have had 4 failed IUI's and is about to start IVF next month..u and you husband need to get away together, you have to bring the romance back into your life some how..i will keep you in my prays sweetie..

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rrpelly

Yes I totally understand what you are going through! I feel alone a lot too like everyone I know is pregnant and just not me. I have just started treatments but DH and I have been trying for almost three years, so it is getting really depressing to see bfn each month. I hope that you and I and everyone struggling get our greatest wish of bfp asap!

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