Southern Yet Somehow Single

Men

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I’ve always been a huge believer in hope. Maybe that’s why, while I hate romantic movies, I love Hope Floats. Birdie Calvert says in it that if you give hope a chance to float, it will– but can you let go and let it float too high?

If you let your hope float up and soak up more an more, can it become too high and too big? I feel like I’ve lost control of my hopes for the guy I’m seeing and our relationship. I like him, entirely, but at the same time I’m scared that my hopes are too big.

I’m not saying that I want to give up on the hopes with him, but I just want to reign them in a little bit. Is it possible to pull back hopes that are out too high?

After a conversation with a friend about him and his girlfriend– after many others, I’ve realized–I’ve been wrong my entire life, no wonder I’ve basically always been single. This has also left me minimal hope that this will be changing in the future.

Guys actually want the clingy girls. MIND BLOWN.

They want to date the girls who get jealous, who pick arguments over tiny things. They want the girls who pressure the relationship and wheedle their way into their lives. Men want the girls who change their thoughts and actions and lives.

I have been under the impression men wanted girls who fit into their lives, who made them better and enhanced them. But no, men want girls who make them scared to mess up.

No wonder couples are usually so unhappy and always complaining about their significant other. It’s also no wonder why I’ve been single and will most likely stay this way.

Recently, I decided to reach out to a younger girl who has started dating a friend of mine. I figured she and I would be seeing a good bit of each other, let’s try to see if we have anything in common.

WOW! I have no idea if it’s just that I’m 5 years older (not that I’m old) but that there is a lot of maturing done after the age of 20 and a lot more done after college graduation– so it feels like we are 15 years apart or if we really don’t have much in common… but I have never realized how young I was at 20 until these conversations with her.

I’ve realized how crazy and desperate we sound when we just want to talk to our friends about the guy we like or are dating. I also realized how crazy we have to sound to the guys we are liking or dating– so maybe it’s no wonder we run them away?

But I also realized how glad I am to know there are just some things I’d never say. Example? She mentioned how her boyfriend has been sick and she really didn’t want to leave him, but she knew he was in good hands– with his mother. Sweetie, you will NEVER take care of him as good as his mother does– period. The fact you even had this thought scares me for your mental help.

I don’t have guys or dating down, but I’m so glad I’ve passed the stages of a 20 year old in the dating arena and with my thoughts and feelings towards men.

As women, why do we string things out? It’s clear he’s not that into you– yet we find ways to make it work in our minds. He tells you he wants to be friends, you’ve got another prospect– yet we feel the need to tell him? Why? Why string things out when they don’t need to be?

For example, I have a friend who was friendzoned by a guy, then when another man wanted to hangout with her– she asked me if she should tell the first guy she’s going to act like they are just friends now. NO! He clearly knows y’all are just friends.

In women’s minds so many times, it’s not as cut and dry– so we assume that the man feels the same. He wants to be friends, so leave it there. Dragging it out and telling him about this other guy is a futile attempt to make him jealous and makes you look all desperate to cling on. You might not want the second guy and still be begging for another chance with the first– but ignore that feeling and let the friendzoned guy go.

I stopped “talking” to this guy a little over a week ago and since I’ve pretty much stopped looking for a guy to just appear and click. It’s funny how easy it is to just stop thinking about men and relationships and dating when you are committed to just being you. I’m not worried about what guys I might see out or at the grocery store, I don’t think of “maybe this will happen…” scenarios before bed. I just– live.

It’s funny how when we are talking to a guy or thinking about finding one, that’s all that consumes so many of our thoughts. Then you stop and it all becomes clear– it’s about you and your life, not the guy. He’ll fit in where he’s supposed to.

I’m taking a moment to look through Pinterest and this image appears…. it makes me wonder, do guys really get that? I feel like as soon as you give up, move on and are okay with that– here they come, realizing everything they could have had.

So I’ve got to ask, gentlemen, do you understand that while a girl will wait and understand– that she won’t wait forever? There’s a limit to what we’ll put up with, what we will take as hope that one day you’ll realize we are standing right in front of you. One day we will move on and then another day we will fall for someone else– do you understand that when you see me happy with someone else, that could have been you?

I’m just asking you to picture that moment, me and another man holding hands, talking and laughing– being happy together, before you don’t call, before you don’t text.