A counselor's ideas and insights about sex and relationships in college

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Signs Of Cheating

It’s hard to be sure if someone’s cheating, but protect yourself: Be vigilant, and pay attention to your mind and spirit within the relationship. But, at the same time, be careful not to let anxiety lead the way because unnecessary paranoia will just drive the one you love away. It is important to be confident in your relationship. Insecurity can lead you to want to see things that aren’t there. However, there are certain signs of cheating or lying that you can be more aware of in your relationship.

Here are some red flags that may signal that your significant other is cheating:

Changes in Your Sex Life– At first you may notice your partner wants to have more sex than usual. This can actually happen when someone is beginning to cheat because they are turned on by this new person they’ve met. It is sad, but true, that they may be thinking of this person and feel more sexual. In time, if they actually start having sex with this person on a continuous basis, you may find your sex life comes to a sudden halt. Unless your partner has super human powers, they can only have so much sex. So, if they’re getting it from another source, you might notice. Whether or not they are actually cheating with another person or they have a porn addiction, a decrease in sex signals possible issues in the relationship.

Jumpy Cell Phone Habits– In a perfect world, we’d be open about sharing our correspondence with our significant others. Most of the time, we trust that we don’t have to worry about who is texting or calling them. But, if you notice that they’re getting protective and/or nervous when they gets calls or texts, it may be cause for alarm.

Gushing or Talking About Someone Suddenly– You know that exhilarating feeling you get when you meet someone new and exciting? You want to tell the world about him or her. If your partner begins talking a lot about a guy or girl they recently met, you may want to have your radar tuned in. It may sound just friendly at first, but if this person keeps coming up in conversation, you may want to see if your partner is willing to let you meet this person they find so fascinating. If they are reluctant, there may be more going on.

Disconnect– Even though relationships ebb and flow naturally, if you’re sensing that your partner is pulling away from you, then there may be someone else. Emotional disconnect should be investigated regardless of whether it’s caused by cheating. There’s a problem if they aren’t laughing or seeming as passionate as usual. It’s hard to spread love/passion between two people, so the person who used to have it will feel it slipping away if it’s being given to someone else.

Pulling a Houdini– If your boyfriend or girlfriend is disappearing, traveling, or unavailable by phone to the point where you are starting to wonder, then they could be cheating. Also, these times tend to take on a pattern because it’s tough to synch up schedules, especially in secret.

Friends Acting Strange– Their friends will certainly remain loyal to them in most cases. They will not let you know what’s going on, but they will definitely be racked with guilt, and their behavior may change slightly when they are around you while protecting their friend’s secret.Caught in Lies About Other Things– If you catch your partner in a lie, your trust will naturally be damaged. Don’t hold a grudge — forgiveness is a good thing. If they consistently break your trust, it’s can start a pattern of behavior that may lead to cheating. Do yourself a favor: If they keep lying, whether these lies are big or small, seriously reconsider your reasons for wanting to remain in the relationship.

Done It Before– Know your partner’s history. It can be a red flag if they cheated before, but definitely consider the context. If it was at the end of a bad relationship and they didn’t have that pattern with other boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s, you may not want to panic. If someone is upfront with you that they’ve made mistakes in the past, maybe give them a chance — but make it a long probationary period before you let your guard down. If they have cheated several times in one relationship, or cheated in several different relationships, you may want to open your eyes to the reality of the situation. Especially if you find out from someone else, or they tell you after you catch them lying about something else. Not being upfront, is a huge red flag. There are people out there who simply can’t or won’t be faithful in relationships.

Trust Your Gut– Don’t ignore your sixth sense. People are gifted at sensing when something doesn’t feel right. Whether or not there are red flags in your relationship, if something feels off, don’t ignore this feeling. Usually that feeling is right, and something intangible may urge to look further into the situation.