TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Upon reading passages from Mark Towhey’s tell-all book documenting his time as chief of staff to Rob Ford when Ford was mayor, leading experts in the sociology world have upgraded Rob Ford’s sociological standing. Daniel Thyckes, chair for the Canadian Sociological Association, was part of the committee responsible for Ford’s upgrade. Said Thyckes, “The passage was very illuminating to us. We had originally thought that the book was closed on Ford following his disgraced tenure as Mayor. When he removed himself from the mayoral race in the last election, we felt that we would only need the standard updates to his file, maybe once a year, and ensure of his standing as “Asshole”. It was pretty clear given his constant lying about drug use, his abuse of fellow council members, his lies to Toronto citizens, his drunk driving, these are the types of behaviours that will give you the title of ‘Asshole’ from our organization. He had at this point effectively ticked all of the boxes for us. “Then we were given the excerpt from the book (Towhey’s “Mayor Rob Ford: Uncontrollable: How I Tried to Help the World’s Most Notorious Mayor“) and we immediately had [...]

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Julien Code, campaign intern for the Harper campaign, dropped everything he had on his plate today when Harper’s campaign top brass demanded a list of excuses that Harper could use to get out of the rally that Rob and Doug Ford are planning Saturday. Following the inclusion of the Ford brothers at a Harper rally in Etobicoke on Tuesday, Doug Ford extended the invite to Harper, stating that the rally in Harper’s honour would be a top-class event. Said Ford, “It will be a massive day. I will be there, Rob will be there, the Prime Minister will be there.” It was at that point that a call was made from Harper’s campaign headquarters to Code, who was told to immediately procure a list of excuses to get Harper out of attending the outing on the weekend. Code’s initial efforts were not seen as strong enough and knocked back. Said Code, “It’s been fairly frantic. My team has been doing their best to try to get a list of excuses but they keep getting knocked back. I’ve put forward “Death in the family”, “Previous campaign engagement”, “Emergency appendectomy”, all of them not good, so I’m told. [...]

Sept 17, 2014 – TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – In a tearful statement today, the fatal disease Cancer revealed that it has, in fact, contracted Stage 3 ‘Rob Ford’. Cancer, who has had a myriad health issues for years, due to it being Cancer, had come to the conclusion that it had contracted Rob Ford after a routine inspection by a doctor. “Today, I discovered that I am in the early stages of Rob Ford. This is truly awful and I would not wish Rob Ford on anyone,” said Cancer. “I know I’ve had some differences with some people in the past, and I am sorry for causing the death of so many. I’m hoping that we can forget all that. I am willing to put these aside for the moment to focus on getting healthy and ridding myself of Rob Ford.” Cancer’s doctor Marcia Watson remained very optimistic of Cancer’s chances. “Thankfully we’ve caught Rob Ford in time and treatment will be somewhat aggressive but manageable for Cancer. Anyone who knows Cancer knows it’s a fighter.” When asked for a prognosis, Dr. Watson stated “Stage 3 ‘Rob Ford’ often sees the Rob Ford still appearing in public, garnering family sympathy [...]