"What's happening to me?" I cry into Tara's chest.
"Sshh baby..." She tries to comfort me, her voice is calm, yet it wavers as
she looks at the blood running down my arm, "It'll be o.k."
"No...It can't be." My voice is shrill. I'm holding on tightly to her; never
wanting to let her go. I need her, she is strong...So much stronger than me.
"Dawnie..." I hear her whisper my name, as if attempting to soothe the pain.
Pain.
It's all I can be sure of at the moment. It's the only thing I know is real.
I'm not real, I never was.
Sure I have memories, but they're not real either. I remember the first time
I saw her, she took my breath away. But I wasn't actually there.
I wasn't there all the times she took me into her arms, kept me safe.
Like she's doing now; sheltering me from the world, from myself.
She's crying with me, mimicking each tear with one of her own.
She's always there for me; even now she knows what I am. I'm The Key,
whatever that is. I'm not human, unlike her.
It's hard to believe she is actually human; she's more like an angel...To me
anyway. She always was, always will be.
"Dawnie," She repeats, "We need to clean that..." Her beautiful eyes still
fixed on the deep cut on my arm. The one I caused.
It wasn't an accident; I did it on purpose. After I found out what I was, I
needed to feel something more...Something else...Something different than
the emptiness inside.
"Does anyone even care?" I hear my voice as if I was not the one speaking
it.
When I saw the blood, my rich scarlet blood, I thought of her. I needed her
against me, holding me close.
Now she is here with me.
"Oh, yes...Yes they do, Sweetie. Buffy and - "
I squeeze my eyes shut, wanting to ignore that name. She lied to me. "No she
doesnít."
I hear Tara sigh, "I care." Her voice is small, almost a whisper. I feel her
place her hand on my cheek. I lean into the loving gesture.
Love.
I thought I would never be able to love. But I am in love. Iím in love with
Tara.
I open my eyes and she captures my gaze and holds it, "I care about
you...More than you know."
My heart skips a few beats and my palms start to perspire. Those were the
words Iíve been longing to hear. A tiny smile flutters across her perfect
lips. I canít hold it back any longer; "I love you, Tara."
My tears have stopped and my heart is hammering in my chest. I feel like a
huge weight has lifted from me, but I still feel ready to explode.
She doesnít seem surprised in the slightest by what I said.
"I - " I begin, but she presses her index finger to my lips, silencing me.
She pulls me close again and runs her fingers through my hair; she is so
sensual with every move she makes, every touch she pleasures me with.
The woman I love knows my secret and she is still here.
She keeps quiet as I cry. I donít know if she will mention what I told her
again, but I hope that she will.