This is where this shit hits the fan, rubber meets the road etc. If you can't take center without killing, then it's not the best outcome. Of course If I'm dead it's not the best outcome either, and if we're both dead then it's only marignally even.

I've also been given to understand that a knife shown is a sign of an unskilled knife guy, so probably a small glimmer of hope.

I've also been told repeatedly that if I can kill then I can spare. I can only imagine killing someone out of discontrol and desperation, and if that's so then chances are that I'm dead meat.'

I just think you can't believe this stuff about relaxing and love. You think love is for pussies. You're wrong and if you stick to training you might realize it. That's what practice will show you if you can learn.