2 Lonely Married People

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was/is very tall and large, that heavily tattooed biker kind, totally different type than my husband.
I met him on dating site, quite deliberately… We met twice for a coffee before any kind of physical contact.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We both met on the same local dating site, both married and very lonely. His wife was recently diagnosed with incurable disease, they had no sex for months. I was (and still am) in a mostly happy, very loving 10-year marriage. “Mostly” happy, because my partner didn’t want to have sex with me more than 7-8 times a year, especially afer he was diagnosed with infertility issues, which of course affect us both.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The first time we did something physical, it was a bit shy kissing and hugging mostly, and then some oral sex in the car, not so shy anymore. I felt good, I felt attractive and desired – what I was missing the most.
He was/is a very good, patient lover.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We talked in this car for almost 3 hours after the sex, and then he drove me home. The next day I felt very sad and full of regret, very guilty that I betrayed my loving husband.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to few closest girlfriends, which was a mistake. They judged me straight away, with no empathy whatsoever.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I felt good, I felt attractive, wanted and desired – what I was missing the most.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Feeling guilty.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. I accept my body more, I like myself more. I’m more understanding towards the mistakes and weird things people do to feel better just for a moment, at any cost.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I still have contact with this guy. We meet for sex or just for a coffee 2-3 times a year.
We both stayed in our marriages, which are now more happier than before.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I used to think that casual sex is pure evil, that you have to love someone. That’s what all the books and movies are about. But then life happens and you realise it was all bullshit. Strict monogamy is not the only option. There are more than 50 shades of grey in this area, not just black and white. Relationship should not be your prison.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a great idea. I live in a hypocritical horrible catholic country, where’s no sex education and any sex communication is black or white. Monogamous hetero-marriage till you’re dead is the only socially acceptable form of relationship. So I really appreciate all sex education activists. Thank you for doing it!