I started to cut again

I went without cutting for over a month. Then, a couple of days ago, my girlfriend broke up with me and it really hurt. So.... yeah, I wound up cutting myself that night. "Problem" was, I don't have a sharp enough knife so it wound up being just some scratches with very little blood.... and seeing the blood is kinda the whole point to cutting for me.

Now I'll be getting money today. I SO want to use some of it to buy an exacto knife; cheap, but it cuts alot better than the dull kitchen knives I currently have access to.

I don't know if that's healther an idea than what else I was thinking as coping, though: booze. Go to the liquor store, buy Skyy Vodka and then some orange juice on the way home. Last time I did that, after five shots, I felt like all that pain was gone. Even if it was three or four months ago that I did that, I want to do it again.

I just don't know how else to deal with it. Personally, I hate having all this pain and want to do whatever I can to make it go away. And, yeah, self harm seems to do that. Unfortunately.

One month without cutting is a huge accomplishment. That is something to be proud of. I know that getting out of that thought process is a long road, but it can be done.

I have heard putting a rubberband on your wrist and snapping it will help the urge to cut. You could start there, but the point is to stop hurting yourself alltogether. You need to know that you are special enough not to hurt yourself.

Finding another "reactive" way to cope with things is the best route. Do you have hobbies, like video games, sports, etc??? Getting your mind focused elsewhere will help calm you down enough to realize that you will be ok and make it through the tough times without hurting yourself.

You truly don't deserve to be hurt by anyone, especially yourself. Good luck and hing in there, you can get through this and be stronger because of it.