Auteur d'horreur

Finally a week off from the daily grind! Am I using it to go somewhere hot, tan myself and go seeing in a beautiful blue sea? No of course not, that sort of leisurely pastime I will reserve for myself when I actually become a well-paid, consistent author and can afford to do it without a seconds thought about what I will have to scrimp on during the rest of the year. No my friends, I am using it as a week of self-absorbed and isolated productivity towards these goals.

Being in a profession where I’m constantly around people, takes its toll on me. Sure I always try to be polite- unless they piss me off- but as a whole I feel like a week away from most of them (I will probably go for drinks with a couple of them, including the writing group I mentioned last week) will do me the world of good! Both privately and professionally.

So what are my goals this week- the first one is to finish editing the short story I’m entering into the competition. The competition closes at the end of the month and although the prize money isn’t all that huge, it’s the feedback I’m looking forward to getting from the established writers hosting it. If I do win it will be an added bonus.

Secondly: Work long and hard at Death on the Wellhead Novella 2- Beast of Fire. That is going to take up a large amount of time- I want it out by the end of May so if I can get the first draft completely finished this week- the next four months can be used solely for editing. I also have a larger project lurking in the background of the Death on the Wellhead series that will be tied into the larger universe of the novellas. This will be a novel of substantial size and will take the form of a prequel to the series. But first I want to get the second one out in full, although I do have a partial first draft of this new novel written, I would like the fans of the novellas to at least get their second helping before investing their time into a 300-400 page novel.

Thirdly: I will try to expand my twitter following and online profile- I will also try to put a page linked to the blog that constantly has my books on it so that people can see them categorised and linked together.

Anyway it’s going to be a busy week and I look forward to getting my teeth in! Let this be my first task for the week and, all being well, I will conclude my week with another blog to see if I managed to achieve any of these goals! I know how easily distracted I can get!

Wow I’m on a really good run at the moment! It seems that after each blog I write I actually want to write another one. Perhaps I’ll even start getting 2 out a week at some point? Who knows? I may even add a book page to my blog. That could be a good idea… its food for thought anyway.

On another plus, I’ve started a writing group with a few people from work who are just as dissatisfied with the daily grind as I am. A couple of ex-media students with scriptwriting skills and an up and coming non-conventional mystery/thriller writer who also dabbles into high-end fantasy. I won’t go into too many details with how it’s unconventional but hopefully she will in time. Though she is a little shy, I’m sure with some support she’ll come out of her shell, just like I did.

Oh dear I’m starting to sound like a teacher so I’m going to stop myself there, but with regards to my loose writing group it has really helped to bounce off ideas with someone, my partner is great for proof-reading but they like to stay back from the creative process so they can remain objective to the task. Eventually of course I’ll hire a professional proof reader and editor, and then I will try the publishing route. Perhaps I need an agent too but that’s stuff that can all happen within the next few months.

So what are my goals? Death on the Wellhead 2 Beast of Fire will be out in May, all being well, and then hopefully the third book of the series will be out by Christmas. I intend to enter three short story competitions this year as well and help to assist my new writing group’s projects as best I can. I may even whip up an author’s profile on Facebook, that’s how serious I’m getting! Lol!

Anyway as I said previously- consistency is key to good performance with regards to writing. I may have missed a week last week on my blog, but I have managed to pull it back this week and I will blog again next week. Though not much is being said at the moment I know that at least keeping my blog active is a step in the right direction!

Anyway gang, hopefully next week I will be able to share something a bit more exciting with you!

Keep it real!

Ash.

P.S: I have just realised I’ve been neglecting to tag anything in my last few blogs. That explains the lack of views, nothing to do with my content right? Lol!

Well so far so good. I’ve managed to write and post a second blog within about a week, I take that as a win as I only did about three posts in the whole of last year!

So what’s happened in the last week? Trump’s gone and said something ‘outrageous’ again, now although I do have my opinion on this, there are far more experienced political commentators who have and will continue to write and talk about it in a far more meaningful way than I ever could so I’ll just keep my lips sealed on it apart from this- calling someone’s country a ‘shithole’ would be a funny thing for someone to say in a movie, maybe not when there is actually a chance people might get hurt through it. One thing has to be said though, at least he’s consistent with his controversy.

Anyway, back to things that I am a bit more qualified to talk about, as I am not even an American or employed in the political/media sphere, and that will be this: I’m surprised at myself. I’m actually taking this New Year’s Revolution seriously! Not only have I managed a second blog, I’ve actually finished the rough draft of a short story I intend to enter into a competition. I don’t want to give too much away but it will leave an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach at the end of it, and that is all I ever want to do- and maybe win something from it… Though winning isn’t everything, a certain amount of validation would be nice.

There I go again, wanting the validation. Is this why any of us write? Very few of us would go down this brutal path if there wasn’t that driving force, the sharing of your ideas and your voice to the masses. I could get a little psychological here, talking about the types of complexes that could be to blame for us wanting to be authors, but I still need to do a bit more research into it. And I will. Psychology, philosophy and the dark side of the individual, or collective for that matter, is what really perks my interest, hence I focus on these aspects within my writing, and my reading choices will certainly reflect these too.

So, it might be a quick blog, one that will come and go like the passing of the wind but at least I’ve started to buck my ideas up when it comes to following the dream. Consistency is one of the keys to success in any line of work or creative ambition, it is a trait I have been lacking in pretty much every aspect of my life, but now, there is a great opportunity for me to pull it all together.

This New Year looks set to be beautiful, it is signalling a rebirth within me and so far, I have not faltered. I do not intend to waste my time this year. Through just a bit of hard work and thick skin, let all the good things come my way, and yours!

Okay, so those who have followed me (all three of you) I do apologise for not posting anything in the last six months or so. It’s not that I haven’t been doing anything, it’s just been difficult trying to write my novellas/novels, balance my full time job and managed the social life, as I’m sure you can all relate to, and trying to blog everything that has happened to me in a week is going to be committing a large amount of time that I do struggle to find. This is why this New Year- 2018- is going to be the time of my own personal revolution.

So far I’ve had good feedback from those that have read ‘Dark Whispers’ the first Novella of the Death on The Wellhead series, it has been a long time coming but those close to me, whose opinions I actually do trust have given me some constructive feedback, both praise and criticism, on some of the finer points of the Novella. Taking these on board the next Novella is going to be longer and will focus on a tighter timeline with only a couple of the characters playing major roles.

If you haven’t read it yet, the style of the Novella is a third person multi-perspective thriller that touches on several main characters who will play larger (or smaller) roles in the series as a whole. If a character plays a major part in one, they may very well be side-lined for the next novella, only to return as a main character again in a later book. ‘Dark Whispers’ was the entrance to the world of Death on The Wellhead and I have absolutely no doubt that it is successful in introducing the reader into the atmospheric, rural, supernatural setting.

So my revolution then. Why am I revolting (Lol)? Well basically I am revolting against my timid nature. I’m not the first person to stand up in front of a group of strangers and shout out ‘Read my book!’ without feeling exceptionally self-conscious or as if I am hindering the crowd. I am softly spoken and, generally speaking, a professional, keep your head down, type. No longer. I revolt against this passivity. I pledge to myself that I will shout about my achievements, I will be promoting them and I will do everything in my power to make it in the world of writing.

I will make time to write, I will enter short story competitions and I will not be afraid to promote my work to the masses! I am only on this Earth for a short period of time and have already hit 30 years of age, spending almost half that in unfulfilling roles that have unfortunately been absolutely necessary to my survival. Finally the time has come for me to embrace my imagination, twist it and bend it to my will in order to fulfill my dreams. It is a long path to tread and their will undoubtedly be pitfalls along the way, but I am old enough to deal with that shit and come out smiling the other end. It is time!

Sorry to everyone if you were following me, my life just got far too hectic and my old enemy, time, seemed to get away from me. I’m still exceptionally busy but I have forced myself enough time for a quick blog.

As you may or may not be aware I released a short story on Amazon a couple of months ago called Bluebells, it’s a piece that works as an introduction into the world of my upcoming series, and also doubles up as a freebie (promotion permitting) when I release the first and subsequent Novella’s.

So what is my new novella series about? Death on the Wellhead is the series name and to put it briefly, it is a rural horror involving demonic possession, ghosts, murders and monsters. Though this sounds rather standard of a horror series, I assure you there will be parts that will make you very, very uncomfortable, especially in the later releases. I’m aiming to go a little Lars Von Trier on it, so if you know what his films are like, expect some really horrendous stuff. I intend to release this in the next few days, Friday-1st of September at the very latest.

The second novella is half drafted already, and although I’m debating the name of this next installment it will turn Dark Whispers from an easily accessible book into a much darker and surreal story than even I had originally intended- so that’s something for everyone to look forward to, including me.

So why a Novella Series and not a Novel? Well I have considered this and the dominant reason is that novellas never drag on too long. They are supposed to be hour long reads, easily digested pieces that are aimed specifically for commuters, people on lunch breaks or those who have short attention spans. There isn’t always enough time to invest in a huge piece by a new author, by limiting the size of it, it makes my work far more accessible to people with busy lives who might never get around to reading a 600 page book because the sheer size and amount of time they have to invest in it.

As I stated early, this is a quick blog- but hopefully it has peaked your interest in my work, and just to whet your appetite further, I will leave you with the blurb of ‘Dark Whispers’ Book One of the Death on The Wellhead Series.

I look forward to reading your reviews on my series.

Ash.

Dark Whispers.

It was a crash caused by drink driving- that was the official story of what happened to Marcus Southwell. As Marcus’s estranged friends are reunited, they try to honour his memory in the best way they know how- with excessive amounts of alcohol. With their relationships strained, coupled with a dark cloud of mourning lingering over the small town, they all look to get back to their usual lives as soon as possible. Shunned by the town and questioning her own sanity, Tracy – Marcus’s partner, the one blamed for the crash, must warn them about the events of that horrific night and that not she, but something else, was responsible for his brutal death. A creature that has been a part of the local folklore for generations, a creature of darkness that Marcus had tried to warn them of long before it took him. Will anyone listen?

So I started writing an Easter blog with the hopes that it would be ready in time for, well Easter, however as it so happens life managed to get too busy, screw the whole thing up and now I have to finish that blog next Easter, or I may just put it in a side page of ‘The Unfinished Ones’ that would be a horrible mish-mash of different pieces- like my own Frankenstein’s monster- but it could be an entertaining way of using up the spare parts I created that may never see the light of day.

Anyway, though life has been too busy and complex lately to do any sort of social media promotion or interaction- which I find very challenging, I have had time to think, procrastinate and actually write and have a project on its way. Hopefully to be released towards the end of this month or next. To sum it up crudely, it will be the start of a Psychological/ Supernatural/ Thrilling Novella series that I intend to self-publish on Amazon and continue releasing every 4 months with new instalments. I have my plan right, what could go wrong?

Well we all know the obvious answer to that is EVERYTHING, however I intend to focus on one point, and that is TIME! Time is the real enemy of humanity it passes, carrying us along with it, aging, aching, decomposing and then… we don’t really know- I invite a theological/religious/scientific/ philosophical debate here if you fancy it? Anyway…

This force , this internal sense that we have somehow adapted to create a form of control over ourselves and to put a limit on what and how much we can do within a conceived period of it without fear of physical and mental exhaustion. This system that we have adopted to help us understand the Universe is what is keeping most of us caged within our own minds and bodies. I am thirty now, but that is only thirty rotations of a planet around a star, that has been rotated around said star for Billions of years… there you go- I have just trapped myself into using the term years, which seem like a long ‘time’ but cosmically speaking is close to nothing than something.

Yes, some people do last over 120 rotations of a planet, they see so many changes and experience so much joy, pain, love and melancholy yet even in their perceived long time of existence they are less than a blip on the grand scale of the Universe. So why on our day to day lives do we stick to this rigid pattern of I need to work 8 hours, play 8 hours and sleep 8 hours? Or to break it down further, why should our existence be broken down to minutes, a 60th of an hour or even further down into seconds? What does that achieve?

Punctuality, Control, a sense of running early or running late to something is an opportunity for the system, society, the man, the church, the lizard people- whatever you see as the ‘Force of Control’ in the society you live in to point out to you that you are not living efficiently in your productive state of serfdom so to keep you in an extended state of guilt at having wasted the ‘free’ time they have given you.

My point is this. What if I go to a bar or cafe and I have to waste 15 minutes of my time waiting for someone to turn up? What will I do in that 15 minutes? I sure as hell won’t talk to anyone new just sit awkwardly playing on my phone- wasting that time. How dare I have 15 minutes of downtime and self-isolation! What a misuse of the free time! However if we took away minutes and just worked in hours, sure it might cause some problems whilst cooking food or something, but if we perceived the 15 minutes as a quarter of an hour, it becomes only a part of a greater something and doesn’t seem as bad as wasting 15 minutes. 15 minutes are gone but 45 minutes still remain within that hour. Rejoice there is more time with your friend than there is without them. (Unless they’re my friends, they tend to run half an hour late, so I never arrive on time with those bitches anyway,Lol!)

I guess what I’m trying to say is this. Use, or misuse of time is not helpful to the creative endeavour. I, like many people are realistic and dogmatic in their goals and dreams. So many people long to break free of the hold their day-to-day jobs have over them, the whole idea of working hard in one line of work so that someone a few steps above you gets to reap the majority of the reward is not a very motivating one, especially for those on minimum wage (which I’m not thankfully). But those people up there have used their time to further themselves better into that position. They are the career-minded, not the creative minded or the comfort minded and they can work in that system of rules, regulations and competition. Time is their friend, they perform well within set time limits as they are creatures of the material world. The creative are not, we are creatures of the meaning of the world, and time does not really play a practical part in the meaning of life, unless you are a creature of the material world. So let’s have fun with time, let’s not fear it as our enemy, let’s adapt it in our own way towards our own purpose.

So this is what I suggest, to myself more than to you guys really. I suggest that I now break down my time into weeks- one 52nd of a year. I work five days out of seven, some of these are in odd patterns but that is now irrelevant. Instead of putting hours in relation to days I will put hours in relation to weeks so every week I have (uses calculator) 168 hours! Now 42 of these are taken up with regards to work. Well actually if you include hour breaks- 47 hours are dedicated to being at work. (Though that in itself is an untapped resource of time.) So this leaves me with 121 hours. How much sleep will I need over that weekly period? I tend to sleep less than average so I’ll dedicate 50 to the cause. That is 50 hours a week sleep. I now have 71 hours at my disposal! Yay to time.

So with that in mind, how the hell have I managed not to dedicate at least 20 hours of time to my writing projects a week? It might bump up my work time to 67 hours a week but that still leaves me with over 2/7ths of a week’s worth of time for socialising and ‘Netflix and Chill’ (actual Netflix and chill- loving ‘13 Reasons Why’ at the moment!) Hallelujah, I have used time to my advantage!

So I don’t really know where this blog came from. I woke up in the morning thinking- ‘Yeah let’s declare war on time, Fuck it to hell!’ and I have ended up convincing myself that Time isn’t really the enemy, and though work is pain in the arse and I’d much like to leave it- it is not the enemy either, it’s me. I am my own worst enemy. I have convinced myself that I am too tired after (or before, depending what shift I am on) work. But when I look back into it, I have sadly wasted time and I feel guilty for it, not for how society wants me to feel bad for it, but that I could have worked so much more towards my goals in that time. I am not a creature of comfort, or a creature that worships the material world I am a creature of meaning, not of things.

In Tarot, the Devil card, in the right context, can encourage the lifting of self-placed restrictions.

And with that comes the burden of thinking too much, over analysing and becoming Neurotic. Convincing myself not to do things because of restraints that are supposedly imposed upon me. They are not restraints but basis’ of measure, that add to the meaning of life. Without time, there would be nothing to propel us to stop wasting it, nothing to stop us from flailing away our existence into a never ending abyss. Time, I apologise, you are not an enemy. You are a measure of meaning. You do not restrict me. I restrict myself.

So as we change from Pisces to Aries- a completely irrelevant fact but one that people still like to read into- so do I change from my twenties to my thirties. It has been a hectic few years, in some places a wasted few, but as a whole, life has been a fantastic experience that I wouldn’t like to change. The love, the laughs, the pain the anguish, the lust, the reinvention of the self and finally an actual physical, intellectual and spiritual attempt at becoming the author I have always meant to be.

As we go along you’ll discover more about me and my views on certain things and although I wanted to avoid politics, there is something that needs to be talked about that is quite alarming.

Whilst we were celebrating over the weekend, my friends and I had to split a bill eight ways at the restaurant. Shockingly, it dawned on me how many of us had to use credit cards to pay for that dinner. Six out of the eight sets of payments had to be placed on them! Now, this might not be such a big deal if we were part time or unemployed, the scary fact was that we all have full time jobs, the majority of the guys have jobs in the City, the financial sector and therefore are all on a fairly decent wage. But three –quarters of us had no money left at the end of the month to spend on a dinner so had to rely on the credit cards.

How can this be right? Fourteen fully employed professional 20-30 somethings, a mixture of married, long term partners and a couple of singles, all struggling to have any disposable income at the end of the month. It’s downright disgusting. Now as we’re told to tighten our belts and expect hard times, how can it be that working full-time, trying to save for the future- as we are advised too because there probably won’t be a state pension by the time I retire (if I get to retire) doing everything that the government says we should do, leaves us with having to deal with more debts?

Now I don’t know about the others, but in my case I have only gone out twice in March, the first weekend and the last weekend. I have no other external hobbies- luckily writing is a cheap one but with depressing hindsight, I can reveal that I have solely existed to work this month and have only socialised twice. How can it be that even with these 41 hour weeks, I still don’t have cash left at the end of the month? Where is the justice in this? I don’t even have a bloody mortgage!

I don’t want to rant about this too much (I do but it will get tedious for you) because it angers me that people gainfully employed are struggling like this. I have a few ideas that can fix it, such as property caps for private and commercial landlords, a fairer tax rate but I’ve talked politics enough, this blog isn’t supposed to be a political one. It’s supposed to be one of thinking outside of the box, investigating- or at the least commenting on- the darker, psychological, more mysterious side of life and the universe.

So on that account, let’s start with something slightly more interesting. Where do we get our inspiration from? How is it that I want to write disturbing things for entertainment and where does this inclination come from? What happened to me as a child/teen that makes me want to shock and scare others?

Let’s be clear, I’m no expert in psychology, though I have been around others who have been completely overwhelmed by anxiety or depression. I myself have had a few slumps, not to the same extreme but borderline breakdowns and I believe my will to shock comes from this. From the fact that I’ve always been a quietly spoken, polite individual who plays by societies rules of decency yet in complete contrast to this, there is a hellish beast inside me, a creature of pure chaos rippling through me that wants to tear it all down and start anew. Without an outlet for this, the beast, all consuming, will cause me to lash out at those closest to me. We all have this beast within us, and when we get to this age, around 30 something, without any ties to children and having followed the rules of work and society for over a decade we begin to question EVERYTHING. The beast begins to awaken.

Why do we need to go to work? Why does the world exist solely for the pursuit of wealth and luxury? Is this why drugs are banned as when one releases themselves to the chaos, they witness a different perception, or meaning of life? By stopping people taking drugs, does this prevent people being able to break free, escape from the grinding cogs or see through the fabricated veil of this bland, filtered existence? Perhaps this is why the fascists, racists, nationalists are on the rise.

They have to rebel against something, not that I approve at all with what vision they have, but they do have an alternate vision to the Hard work= Validated Existence = Wealth (maybe) form of slavery that governs this world. I just wished they got angrier at the mega rich than the poor immigrants, but hey ho- these are also the idiots who are persuaded by the World-Owners to attack those that can’t defend themselves, so we can’t really expect them to create a coherent argument without falling back upon their prejudiced rhetoric.

With this being said, there is a darkness in this world, under all of this work-to-live, live-to die philosophy that drives this world. That darkness is used for control. It is the institutionalised taming of the human beast. We are a destructive species, so maybe that’s not a terrible thing but that destruction in us has been channeled into benefiting the few in their limited lifetime, not to the benefit of Humankind for the long term. Whether these few World Slavers be the super-rich, Nazis that live in the centre of the Earth or Lizard beings from another planet (the most entertaining conspiracy theory I.M.H.O), there is something foul within this ideology- but even more depressing than that hierarchy is that we are willing slaves to it, offering very few practical alternatives to rampant Capitalism and Consumerism ideology.

Oh well that’s just great….. I got pseudo political again, maybe this is where I should end this blog so back to the initial question of why I want to write unpleasant things for entertainment, and here is my answer.

It is the only way I can productively release the suffering of the beast within that has been tamed and beaten into submission for thirty years of my life. To let it out in little doses and make some money to create myself a comfortable living from my own work without anyone else taking the merit for it seems like the only path I can take that is not restrictive or self-destructive. It is my compromise between the life I want to live and the life I have to live in this world.

To try and destroy either aspect of the mind, (submitting to the way of the world) or the soul (the screaming beast sick to death with the order of the world) would end up being disastrous. It is a duality in us, call it what you like- Anima and Animus, Social and Individual, Good and Evil, Light and Darkness- whatever! We are made up of a heart and a mind. Those who can switch off their heart can succeed in the minds domain, at the expense of their humanity- aspects such as compassion, where as those who switch off their mind gain freedom but lose any responsibility as to their actions and fail to make themselves accountable for their destructive tendencies that often hurt others more than they benefit themselves.

Anyway, as I said before, or at least strongly hinted at, I’m not a psychologist and I have fully simplified, incredibly complex ideas of the mind, personality psyche and ultimately glossed over what it is that makes us who we are, but the point still stands- something is sick with the state of the world and our relationship to it.

Horrors, thrillers, the sense of fear and anxiety are a good distraction from the hardships of the world, it is true, but only by confronting or embracing what we fear will we overcome it. You can only avoid it so far. Perhaps by embracing the ideas that don’t make much sense, the paranormal, the confusing and unknowable we will find ourselves in greater harmony to our earth and the universe as a whole, to help create a beautiful, inclusive world of the future. Not everything can be explained by science yet so let’s enjoy the chaos, the gaps in our understanding for as long as we can, it is what the vengeful beast lying dormant within all of us needs to prevent it from destroying us.

Don’t be held back by your fears lest your body and soul succumb to them.

Ash.

P.S- Yes, I admit this blog was ready a couple of weeks ago, I just needed some time to actually create the blog! Ciao guys.

Greetings and welcome to my blog, if you took the time to come and have a look, I feel obliged to make it worth your while! I won’t bore you with all the ins and outs of who I am and what I do, there is a separate page for that, however, to clear it up- what I am aiming for is a chance to become a horror/thriller Author, and this blog is the launching pad for that aspiration.

So what is it all going to be about then? To put it bluntly I will be looking into anything that is slightly out there, spiritual, psychological, mythological, archaeological or just plain dark or surreal. Just a little disclaimer however, I may very well go off on one about politics, but I would rather avoid it where possible as although what happens in politics is quite important in the world, I prefer to talk about the deeper, more imaginative side of things, horror movies, scary stories or psychological reasoning as to why we like, dislike, are attracted or afraid of something… and of course any sort of philosophy or science that proves or disproves something I’m interested in. Science has done so much for us as human beings, and with quantum mechanics turning modern physics on its head it leaves a little bit of room for the imagination to run wild! Why not muddy the waters a bit for my own amusement? Yay to Metaphysics.

Anyway I hope you’ll enjoy what I have to say over the coming few years and I’d love for you to accompany me on this ambitious journey of mine. Thanks again for having a look at my blog- remember this, ‘There is no such thing as Writer’s Block, it is Writer’s Cowardice that holds us all back! Burn out, don’t fade away!’