Half A Year

Today marks 6 months since my Dad’s passing in August. I didn’t write anything on 5 months because when I wrote the 4 months post it sent me into depression for the night.

My anxiety is at its worst thus far, and perhaps my depression is manifesting itself as anxiety. I probably cry much easier about this than before, well, that is I would if I didn’t avoid situations and thoughts that would cause tears like I do. However, I cry in my frequent nightmares/dreams about him being sick and I am obviously holding a lot of thoughts and feelings inside.

Thoughts of the last few weeks of his life still continue to replay in my mind and I still can’t believe this happened to me. I don’t think I will ever be able to fully comprehend it. Even if I’m staring reality straight in the face, and if I can accept it, I still can’t grasp its depth. I’ll never forget when it hit me in my history class last semester that God’s chosen always have to suffer. My Aunt Marcie said he was chosen, but I never put it all together. I may never understand why, but I do believe my Dad was chosen.

One of my Dad’s friends from work wrote this awesome poem in memory of him. I don’t think anyone could have portrayed a better description of his life at work than he did in these words below. Thank you, Matt, for this true glimpse into the life and heart of my Dad. It truly means so much to me to have this as another way of remembering him and reflecting on his life. The words are so powerfully written that when I read it, I feel as though he is still right here with us.