So, first of all, my apologies for the absolute lack of posts recently. Things have been getting a little crazy in the run up to NaNo, and since the start … and for the time being, they seemed to have cooled off, at least a little. In part, this has been very much my own fault. I don’t know when I decided that I’m crazy, but somewhere along the line, I resolved to write 50,000 words in 3 days. so, I’ll start off by saying this:

I can’t feel my rear end or my wrists. There, I said it.

Moving on. I have quite a bit to say about the first three days of NaNoWriMo, the first being that it feels more like three weeks than three days to me. It’s a strange sensation that I’ve never experienced while NaNoing before, although this might just be due to my crazy goal. Similarly, I’m really feeling the passage of time slipping by in my novel in a way I never expected it to. I’m getting the same feeling writing it as I get when I’m reading a novel I enjoy; I want to press on, read or write further, but doing so means I get closer and closer to the end all the time, and this is something I really don’t want to happen. These characters, for some reason, I just don’t want to leave them behind at the end, which kind of relates to my next point. That I’m absolutely terrified about what is going to happen when I hit the 100k – 120k mark.

I’m a little bit in love with Free Fall, more than I thought I might be in the end. My initial plan was that, once I was done writing it, I’d either revert back to writing Strictly Business or move on to a new project that I haven’t planned at all. But I just don’t want to stop writing Free Fall. I know I’m going to have to, eventually, but I’m scared of that happening.

Courtney hasn’t turned out exactly the way I’d planned him, but I’m finding that I’m really connecting with him, however warped that sounds. The entire novel is supposed to be his downward spiral, and today especially, I’m really feeling this happening. Perhaps this is why I’m so apprehensive about what happens next, but it really feels as though things are starting to fall apart; there’s a sense that Courtney just wants to go back to the beginning, to the way things were, but of course, this cannot happen. Otherwise where would the story be? That said, I am tempted to write a ‘prequel’ of sorts that won’t be included in the end product, just for my own sanity/satiation. It’s not just Courtney, though. I’ve felt a little bit sad and a lot more like wallowing in my own sadness every time I’ve come to the end of every short story thus far, like I just can’t bear to do this but have to. It’s a good feeling, if depressing, because simply put, it means I’m engaging with the story, which was something I was scared I wouldn’t be able to do.

What else … oh, yes, strange things are happening in the world of my novel, too. Normally, I have to plan out every twist, and yet something revealed itself quite early in the day today that was just too good to pass up. These stories weren’t supposed to be linked quite so explicitly, not because it wouldn’t work, but mostly because I didn’t think I had it in me to link characters from one story to another and so on. As it turns out, the story I was most worried about writing has probably been the easiest to write thus far.

Anyway, I’m very, very conscious of the fact that I’m gushing about this. I’m on something of a high at present, and I’m sure that it’s showing, either in my terrible sentence structure throughout this post, or because the only negative thing I’ve said thus far is about not being able to feel certain body parts.

Every November has its highs and lows. The lows that stick out for me in particular, are always the same; there’s the insinuation that what I’m writing isn’t any good because I’ve written it quickly. Not entirely aimed at me of course, but at ‘overachievers’ in general, and I think it’s unfair to seek justification in the devaluation of others’ work. I know that there are parts of my novel I’m going to look at and cry over, and not in a good way. But I also know that I have something here, I feel good about it, so to be told that there’s no possible way it’s good is a little disheartening, especially this early in the month.

Because here’s the thing: the goal of 50,000 words in thirty days is not a goal to be sniffed at! It’s terribly hard, especially if you’re doing it for the first time, and I recall that my first NaNoWriMo was steeped in despair. I saw these excessive word counts and wondered how on earth it was possible. I wallowed for ten days, refusing to write, almost unable to write, until a friend snapped me out of it, but those ten days, I was convinced I would never make it.

I especially admire the people who take on the challenge of NaNoWriMo with busy personal and professional lives, a thing I have avoided most years. I respect these people, because I know that this is something I would never be able to do; juggle all of these things simultaneously. I can’t tell you how great these people really are. They balance everything and still manage to write a novel within a month. This is not to be looked down on at all.

My only reason for pitching a goal as I have is the fact that I’m unemployed, and would have changed it to suit had I managed to land a job. As it turns out (which reminds me, my characters are developing strange little catchphrases, a la Snuff) I’m probably not going to land a full time position in the foreseeable future, so here I am. I’m whiling my days away by writing.

I’m still just as excited about the remaining 27 days of NaNoWriMo as ever. Here’s hoping that everyone else is, too!

Lol, thanks! Honestly, I just thought I was crazy. xD … and I’m really glad you think so – I really love the excerpt you posted on your profile, btw! :D … and I gotta say, this is the part I’m most shocked about. xD normally I don’t feel this enthusiastic about what it is I’m writing, but this has taken me over! I totally agree, normally, I’m very critical. I mean, admittedly, I still am, but I’ve got the thought of ‘I can’t edit’ in the back of my head this month, so that’s possibly a lot of it. xD I’ll try to get an excerpt posted up over the weekend. :D

Fearing the end of a story is a natural part of writing. A good writer has to be invested in the story, a character, much like an actor has to immerse in a role in order to make it shine. These connections, even fictional, are tight.

I remember when I wrote the First Draft of my Screenplay, in early 2002… My Wife, yes I was married once, but only for a year, sadly… My wife was out of town for several days, and I was all alone… I took myself out to a Chinese Restaurant that we used to like eating at, and it just hit… My Screenplay Concept… I went home and started Writing… During the time my Wife was out of town, not only did I Write my Screenplay straight through, 80 something pages in total, which of course would not be enough in the end… But it was a First Draft, and I wrote it straight through in 3 or 4 days… But I also Wrote a Play, straight through… When the door opens, the door opens… It was amazing… Of course, my Screenplay is the First of a Trilogy of Films, may explain I was okay about bringing it to an end… But still, it is hard to say goodbye to Character’s… I sat that Screenplay down for a year and a half, than picked it up again, and spent the next several Month’s Re-Writing, and Re-Writing, and Re-Writing it… Hundreds of hours lead to 19 Total Re-Edited Versions… Actually, I believe there was a 19A, 19B and Finally 19C was my Final Copy… It was amazing when I finished it… I later Wrote my First Draft of the Sequel, and have yet to start to Re-Edit the hell out of it… The Third And Final Film, I only barely began.

Oh, wow! I mean, I’m sorry to hear about your marriage, but the screenplay coming so naturally … wonderful! And especially when it comes like that, all so instantaneous, like there’s no need to stop at any time at all, it’s really excellent! Sometimes, I think it does take something almost all-consuming … to turn out. To channel. It’s maybe cathartic in a way, too. And absolutely; saying goodbye to a piece is … more than difficult, but picking it back up again … goodness! (: that must have felt incredible. (:

And speaking of news, I have a couple of articles I’ve been thinking about for The Dark Globe? Still got to refine some of the ideas, though, but if I can get the ball rolling with one of them, I may post? all things considered, it’s probably going to be NaNo-centric?