Wednesday, December 12, 2012

day three

i felt really good yesterday, which was day two of me trying to be more mindful about my post-work compulsive eating. in fact i didn't think at all about eating a ton of food. in fact, when i came home (post-gym/trainer appointment), i roasted a bunch of asparagus and chicken. since the chicken takes longer than the asparagus, while i waited for the chicken i ate some asparagus for dinner, and didn't even finish what was on my plate - i realized i was full and put the rest in tupperware. full disclosure, there was a teeny-tiny voice inside of me, deep in the caverns of my insides, that called out "but you're stopping?" it wasn't the overwhelming majority opinion, and it clearly lost the battle. but just for a moment, it was there. and when the chicken was done i put that directly into tupperware also. no problem.

this morning (day three) a few minutes after i sat down at my desk for work, i began thinking about having that chicken and asparagus for dinner tonight. i also have some spaghetti squash - and then i thought, "well that's too healthy and straightforward and boring" - and then i thought about melting some cheese with all of it.

now, cheese isn't the worst thing i could possibly conjure up, but, i wanted to stop myself and get to writing, because, why in gods name am i thinking about how to make my dinner, about 10 hours from now, more comforting? it's 9am.

maybe because i'm hungry and i haven't eaten breakfast yet? my dinner was lighter yesterday, and i've been up for an hour and a half so far today, without eating anything; i should be hungry. or because tonight is the ONE night this week when i don't have any plans, so my brain automatically goes to compulsive-eating mode? i don't know. probably? maybe a combination of the former and the latter?

because it's such an odd thing - i am hungry, right now. but my mind goes to adding on calories and rich foods at DINNERTIME. not right now. i'm not daydreaming about going out and buying a greasy breakfast sandwich, or even a burger for lunch. my mind goes straight to dinner at home.

i should probably just eat some breakfast and move on with my work day, but day three seems like it might be a real challenge.