Women on Dating – the 30’s Versus the 40’s!

The dating environment is often rocky. That’s a given. Whether you meet men online or in bars. But when you’re single and mingling, whether successful at it or not, the one thing you must always remember is you – are the common denominator. Your mindset can hinder you.

Yes, there are jerks out there. And for certain, there are tons of good men out there who are looking to settle down with women of substance.

Having established that, some of the variables in the dating game do change based on age group. Would you go for the same type of guys you did in high school (assuming you’ve graduated). If you’re in your mid-30s or older and single, would you choose the same type of men you went for in your 20s?

It’s interesting to explore how dynamics shift in the dating game as we hopefully mature. To put this theory to the test, I polled a few women in their 40s to see what if anything varied over time.

Specifically, I asked: Do you think there’s any difference in dating when you’re 40+, versus in your 30s? (Upsides? Downsides?)

Responses :

I’m not a big dater. And my standards haven’t really changed. Looking for a life partner. Usually In a long term committed relationship. All I can say is less time for nonsense at this age but that applies to everything.

LE, 42 years old

Yes! One, less options for women. Most men (from my experience) in their 40s and over are already attached, whether married, long term relationship or shacking up. And now, [like I] said, women are so desperate that it makes it hard to have any standards. Men know this and have many options. I had many more options in my 30’s.

I’m finding that lots of times they are not being honest about their status. Even with online dating (which I dont like anyway). Men are different now and I really think desperate women have a lot to do with it. But personally, I give up…

LS, 41 years old

Depends on where you are in your life. You [could] have been married in your 30s and not want anything serious in your 40s. And vice versa. I do say when you are older, you tolerate less nonsense. [I’m done with men who are]: Liars….broke….non committal. Selfish….lazy…. Lol. I dont have time for the BS anymore. Hello 40s!

NP, 43 years old

No not really. It’s about the same.

MR, 41 years old

In your 30’s you’re content with just dating and hoping for the best. In your forties, game done. If it don’t fit – Bye. You’re looking for a partner for life…. And at 45, you cut your hair in a Mohawk, get a tattoo, and spend your birthday in Vegas! lol. [Things I won’t deal with]: Waiting for someone to figure their life out.. If you don’t know by now – Bye! INCONSIDERATION – I will not tolerate it at all. I will NOT tolerate disrespect. I’ve learned what a partner is…

CH, 45 years old

Based on this short poll, it’s pretty much unanimous that single women in their 40s believe they are (in general) much less willing to put up with bullshit from men than they were in their 30s or younger – or before they had the benefit of experience.

It’s also safe to say that a woman’s ‘Will Not Tolerate’ list will vary based on what she’s been putting up with all along – before she reached her 40s. And on what she previously wanted/ needed in a partner.

I’m sure there are some for whom little has changed in terms of standards. We all have our own process and time frame for learning. Some mature sooner than others. That goes for both sexes.

Children tend to change the dynamic too – if a mother feels it’s in her kids’ best interest to have a “father figure” or a partner with similar values, she’s more specific in her search – for a family oriented man. Certain men frown upon single mothers. (Dating with children – and other factors that narrow your dating pool – two articles for another time.)

What do you think? Do you imagine the dating game will change much for you once you hit your forties? If you’re already 40-plus, how have things changed? Is it a matter of some external factor – like the type of women men usually go for (who happen to be nothing like you), or is your dating success more or less centered on you and or your standards? And things you know about yourself now that you didn’t before.

Any suggestions for single women on how to be successful in the dating game, and or how to snag a good man?

6 replies

I’m in my 40’s, but really just dating for the first time. I was 20 when I met my ex-husband, and hadn’t really dated before him. We spent 20 years together, so this is all new to me. I do find that the longer I am dating, the less I want to put up with, so that’s probably right on.

I think it’s really hard to judge what dating in my 40’s will be like because I’ve only been 40 for 11 months. I think that I am more receptive to a committed relationship now that I’m no longer raising my daughter. I never really tolerated bull crap in my thirties so of course I’m definitely not going to tolerate it in my 40s.

Thanks for chiming in. I can relate. Never tolerated much bullcrap. I know what it FEELS like to be totally compatible with someone now, versus forcing it, or begging and pleading with a non-social partner for companionship. (That was my bag.) I think that’s a major difference for me. Even if my kids were small, I would still love and click with this same type of alpha man.

Sheesh finally was able to sit down and read lol.
I’m in my 30’s semi dating and I realize I get bored very easy and I just stop all forms of communication. I’m looking for a spark someone that can hold my attention which is hard. Sigh! Maybe as I get older my mind set will change but for now it looks like I’ll be single forever cause I can’t tolerate someone long enough to fall.

Sounds like your tolerance is already low! And I so feel you on that. The guys who tend to excite you/ keep your attention – what is it about them that gels well with you? What do they bring out of you? Something to think about. Thanks for chiming in.

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I'm a writer daylighting as a banker! I started this blog as a single woman in my 30s, and while it has blossomed to include conversations on spirituality and travel, the basic premise is still relationships. I like exploring love relationships (they're fascinating) and the idea that we take ourselves wherever we go (from relationship to relationship, city to city, country to country, etc.) So self assessment is always necessary for growth. And you know if I'm writing about relationships (romantic and otherwise), topics also include dating, lust, the single life, getting ready to be ready (for whatever kind of relationship you envision), etc.
Thanks for joining me on this journey. If we're doing it right, expansion is ongoing. We never stop. This blog evolves, as I do. But -- I can only write from a woman's perspective, for us, and for those who love us.