Obvious and Non-Obvious Reasons For and Against Casual Sex

2. Non-obvious reason to: The boost in self-confidence that comes from knowing that another person was attracted to you physically. Casual sex is about physicality. People need validation that they are beautiful. People who think they are beautiful are more self-confident in life. Self-confidence is good.

Why does 2, require the actual act of sex. If I know I can already do it without doubt, my confidence is boosted. This is much like a grandmaster who resigns a chess match well before checkmate because the situation is clear.

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I think #2 is obvious for me. Furthermore, I think that this explains why (prior to my current, happy, now-married relationship) I had casual sex but never visited prostitutes. I value #2 highly, and I don’t think you’d get this as a paying customer.

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Does it go without saying that the decision is between two people who are not interested in each other as long term mates? Having casual sex with someone you’re actually interested in is obviously a bad signal. Perhaps less obvious, do people believe in the time tested, evolution approved strategy of women making men wait to screen for cheaters?

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I think sometimes sex should be thought of just as sex, and not overcomplicated. What is the opposite of casual sex anyway? Serious sex? Deliberate sex? Premeditated sex? While romantic love is fulfilling and desirable, it doesn’t have to exist in juxtaposition with a good romp. I mean, I can have casual sex with my boyfriend in the same sense I can wear casual clothes on a Wednesday. And if you’re worried about loneliness, get a puppy, right?

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Vimal: I take the rather unpopular view that, for women, it’s a huge mistake to have casual sex with someone with whom you’d like a more serious, longterm relationship. As much as we may not wish it to be true, sex before monogamy seriously decreases the chances of getting to a committed relationship. It’s also more problematic for women because we are made to feel attached to someone once we’ve bonded with them sexually. A good rule of thumb is 90 days or cold light of day monogamy (not “Wait, we can have sex if I say we’re exclusive? Okay, we’re exclusive. Pass the condoms” style). Hugging and kissing and clothed fun is fine, but no nudity or sexual favors. Good guys who are interested will enjoy the build-up, as frustrating as they may find it at times. If they’re not interested enough to get to know you before getting intimate, they’re not worth getting involved with anyway.

Casual sex with someone you want nothing more with is an entirely different matter. It can be emotionally dangerous in unpredictable ways, but usually quite enlightening without too much damage (if any).

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