Cindy Adams Has a T-shirt With Heart-Shaped Photos of Her Dogs ‘on the Breast’

Don’t get us wrong. We love the New Yorker’s design and illustrations. In fact, we’re probably the only people we know under 50 who actually laugh aloud at the cartoons. And, usually, the writing is descriptive enough that you don’t need photographs. Usually. Today, while reading Rebecca Mead’s “Talk of the Town” on Cindy Adams’s one-woman show in the current issue, we were tripped up by an insufficient description of the subject’s shirt, which apparently features pictures of her toy Yorkies, Jazzy andJuicy.

Relaxing at home, Cindy’s wearing a black T-shirt with heart-shaped photos of the pooches on thebreast.

“On the breast”? We said to ourselves, trying to cue up a visual. What does that mean? Does it mean in the middle, above Cindy’s boobs, like on her breast plate? And what of the fact that it says “photos,” which indicates that there are two photos? Does that mean there is a dog on each of Cindy’s breasts? Or are the two heart-shaped dog pictures hovering between or above her breasts? And if it is above, why not say “breast plate”? Maybe its not lyrical, but it is clear. Is it possible that Rebecca Mead is politely indicating Cindy has auniboob?

We tried to move past it but found that we couldnot.

“On the breast”? We said to ourselves, trying to cue up a visual. What does that mean? Does it mean in the middle, above Cindy’s boobs, like on her breast plate? And what of the fact that it says “photos,” which indicates that there are two photos? Does that mean there is a dog on each of Cindy’s breasts? Or are the two heart-shaped dog pictures hovering between or above her breasts? And if it is above, why not say “breast plate”? Maybe its not lyrical, but it is clear. Is it possible that Rebecca Mead is politely indicating Cindy has auniboob?

We tried to move past it but found that we couldnot.

At the risk of impairing his vision for good, we asked Photoshop master Jed Egan to come up with a picture of what he thought a T-shirt with “heart-shaped photos of the pooches on the breast” would look like. Here is what he came upwith.