Commutes

Really, corporate America? Really?!?! How did this happen? You care more about a shiny ass building than my sanity. Last I checked, shiny buildings don’t stop disgruntled employees from peeing in the coffee or shooting a numero dos in your lunchbox. So, why do I have to punish my body and fragile mental state by spending 2 to 4 hours traveling less than 30 miles to do what I could do from my toilet? Why the fuck do we have the e-mail, videoconferencing, cell phones, and wireless everything if you still insist on chaining me to a desk?

When you answer this question, profits will be through the roof, and you can buy all the big shiny boats, jewelry, and people you like? The killer is you’d rather figure out how to cut costs on office parties when the biggest one is staring you in the face. THE OFFICE SPACE! Employees should only be in the office if absolutely necessary. And there are only 3 scenarios to which that applies:

1. The day you’re hired
2. The day you’re fired
3. To hold meetings for morons that can’t get on the same page which will soon fall victim to #2.

This solution in and of itself is the solution to so many other problems. Greenhouse gas reduction, normalization of real estate and commodities pricing, and domestic violence. Need I say more? FUCK NO, I’M OUT!