Tuesday, February 16, 2010

lets get this straight

this one is for all you girl power feminist chicks out there who constantly ask nag the question "how come if a guy sleeps with lots of chicks, he's 'the man', but if a chick sleeps with lots of guys she's a 'slut'?"

you wanna know why? ok, ill tell you why. lemme paint you a little picture. imagine you have one key that can open many different locks, of all types. you'd generally consider that a master key, right? now compare that with a lock that can be opened by just about any key. that lock would be of little (if any) value.

ya see what im sayin here?

because, believe it or not, males don't decide when we can bump uglies or not. females do. yes, that's right - chicks dictate sex. because if WE did, post pubescent life would just be one long fuck-fest, followed by death. shit, virtually everything men do is an effort to impress the ladies. what, you thought we build houses, race cars and wrestle alligators because we like to? hells-to-the-no. sall about the pussy.

if dudes got to decide when sex occured, nothing would ever get done. NOTHING. no doctors to work on a cure for breast cancer. no movie directors to keep making those shitty romantic comedies you lot seem to be so fond of. no dog breeders pumping out puppies for you to call adorable. none of that shit. men everywhere would throw caution to the wind in pursuit of their next root and so your weekly schedule would contain seven straight days of getting boned. electricity and communications would just stop working, the stock market would crash, planes would fall out of the sky, and lots of other disaster movie cliches would happen because over half the worlds workforce would have their pants around their ankles (and rest would have their skirts pulled up and be bent over a table or chair of kind). men wouldnt give a crap about their jobs if they could just constantly stick it to the closest hot sheila. which is totally understandable, because when it comes to the dilemma of 'work a shit job for some asshole i want to kill' or 'tap that hot piece of ass over there', one option generally wins by a country mile.

so the way i see it, you bitches got two choices:A) quit complaining about this tired bullshit and simply stop being such fuckin slappersorB) accept the guilt of knowing that you are solely responsible for societys collapse and the subsequent decline of humanity.

4 comments:

i have been waiting for a new post for months you slack c***. But I must say now that it is here, you did not disappoint. Love the key and lock analogy, f***en genius! Does writing with *stars* make me more respectable? or do the words still have their full effect, so i may as well written them out anyway?

who i am

im the awkward silence in your conversation, the silent moment of embarassment in your introduction, the reluctance you have before taking the plunge. im the raspberry stain on your white t shirt, the chewing gum stuck to your shoe, the piece of hair found in your meal.

im the shadow stalking your every step, the reason youre afraid of the dark. im the cigarette being smoked on the petrol station forecourt, the powerline your kite gets caught in, the support beam that is waiting to drop the ceiling on you.

im the itch on the roof of your mouth, im the stone in your shoe, im the inconvienient truth you wish never existed.