Sunday, August 8, 2010

becoming the change

parenting days (to date),(I did keep my cool except for a couple of raised voice moments)

there is a calm and a rebirth in the air.

This has been an emotionally charged summer surrounded by:

change,

growth

and

new beginnings

I have been charging ahead regardless,sometimes by a thread,

trying to figure out how to make it through and

with dignity for me and the boys.

Embracing these new people, my boys, with

an open mind and a patient heart has been hard.

Very hard.

They are becoming their own and finding their

own way.... without me.

I suppose these are the forks in the parenting road that prepare us for:

the eventual and the inevitable.

I had no idea, well, I had an idea but did not knowit would be facing me so soon!

The boys have been battling more then ever.The slightest thing can set them off and hands are flungdirectly at one another with screaming voices whirling all about!I am not a fan.I get frustrated, spout my threats of special privileges taken away andjust feel like hiding in a quiet room with lavender, music anda good cup of tea.

Will we turn a corner after school starts and theyhave a common bond of 7:55-2:30?(and a possible bus ride home?)

I will say that after a day that, almost, Nothing wentright, today was like the clearing after a hurricane with brightblue skies, a lovely breeze and a sense that everythingwillbe alright.

The boys have played all day together with a certain understanding that they have each otherand the consequence of that not being the case is unbearable.

I am thinking about this last week ofdiving boards and mornings of legosand wondering how thisGIGANTIC transition next week(Max going off to school for the first time ever)will bring us new joyand celebrationand peace.

Maybe i read this somewhere, or maybe the words came to me somehow...? but i often have this little mantra of sorts running through my brain, something like: it's all a series of letting go's. we do it over and over and it is always hard. anyways, your post makes me think of it again. good luck through all your transitions!

This is a written journey of motherhood but also a place for artistic release... something that is mine for me to do when I have forgotten who me is. It is a journal and a guide and a memory holder. There will be magic and mayhem, honesty and fabrication, and lots of dreaming.