Author
Topic: Late teen baby shower: Ideas PLEASE! (Read 7572 times)

BG: Just turned 19 y.o. God daughter is 14 weeks pregnant. There is NO relationship with the father of the baby, and doesn't sound like there ever will be. G.D. recently lost her job and is looking but the jobs are hard to find here. GD has a handful of friends and most of them are young moms also struggling to keep a roof over their heads as well. GD's mom is NOT, nor has ever been in the picture and most of her other extended family members live out of state. /BG

I want to throw my God daughter a baby shower...and outside of doing the wall of diapers (asking everyone to bring a package of diapers or wipes) I have zero idea where to start. I live in a small town house where I may fit 8 in my living room.. or I can rent a party room which is fine too.. What about doing an open house where people can pop in and out all day depending on their schedules? I may get some flack from my husband for doing this; he's kind of judgemental about the situation; I'm just worried about the baby.

I am throwing myself on the mercy of Ehell for some ideas, what would proper etiquette be etc..and and all statements are welcome

I agree that the question of the guest list might be tricky. If you have friends who are kind and supportive then they might come.

At 14 weeks, has she absolutely decided that she will be keeping this baby and raising it herself? I know that is a sensitive subject and private information but if she is still unsure about her resources then regardless of what she ends up doing it sounds like there are still things to work out.

If there are crisis pregnancy centers in your area they might have some supplies or even furniture. Lots of places have Mom2Mom sales where you can get baby stuff 2nd hand. If her friends already have kids who are slightly older they might be willing to pass on or sell their stuff at a steep discount.

I don't think there needs to be a "relationship" with the baby's father for him to be held legally responsible for his child.

I'm also curious about the guest list. Having a baby shower might be impractical if all of her friends are having trouble buying diapers for their own little ones. So unless there is a group of people who are not friends but would be willing to help with gifts (I know of baby showers in my area full of little old church ladies who had no idea who the mother was but just surrounded her with well-wishes and cute and practical gifts purely out of the goodness of their hearts and not expecting anything back, not even attendance at church) then I might opt for a type of "Mother Blessing"

Having all of her good friends over, decorating onesies, having some food, and just letting her know that she has a group of women around who will support her with advice (maybe make a book of all their motherly wisdom by having them write things for her in a journal at the party)...I think that is the direction I'd take it.

She would probably want her friends there, but if they are struggling they won't be able to buy much. I think instead of a shower, you should gather all the listings of local resources for her and help her navigate through those...having a roof over their head is going to be more important at this point. Also, help her contact your local child support court. It doesn't cost anything to file and whether he wants to be there or not for her and the baby, he has a financial responsibility. Also, talk with your husband. While he may not care for the situation, doesn't mean it is going to change and maybe he can put the word out to people he knows for any donations of baby stuff. Good luck to her and you as you try (and seem to be the only one) to help.

I have a little bit of experience with this myself. Back when I was a senior in high school, a friend was pregnant so a group of us decided to throw her a baby shower. Boy, was my mom against that for sure. But like PP's have said, we kept it low key and we just decorated someone's basement, had snacks and brought little gifts that were within our high-school budgets. The only reason we bothered with decorations is that I worked part-time after school at a party goods store and got a decent discount.

Fast forward 25 years and I have another single mom friend who is expecting this fall. Her mom is planning a big blowout shower for her and it's making our group of friends (at least those of us who have been around the block a few times) cringe. The younger ones in the group are feeding into the blowout. I haven't looked at her registry yet. I'm sure it's practical as she has spent years being a nanny so she knows what is useful and what is not. She has also already secured a lot of the items that she wants through Craigslist. I'm trying to be supportive for the baby's sake if nothing else.

So I guess all I have to offer is I would definitely keep it low key. I like the decorating onesies idea....we are doing that for the couples shower that is being thrown for current single mom friend. We are also having drinks so I am not sure she is going to be putting these onesies on her child once she makes her arrival, but the thought is there. And apparently, onesies can be had in multi-packs at a reasonable price on Amazon.com.

I appreciate that you care about this baby. Baby showers are a fine way of assisting parents from transitioning to parenthood, but it sounds like this young woman needs more than cute little socks and Onesies. I agree with others who say you can help her by connecting her with the appropriate resources. Offer to hit the fall garage sales or scan Craigslist. Put the word out through social media that you're looking to help a young friend buy gently used baby items. Offer her rides to prenatal care appointments and remind her to take advantage of programs that will ensure she is taking care of her own health. Good luck to you.

In this situation, I would forgo the baby shower. No family in town, friends are all struggling, so who is there to invite to the shower?

I would instead take the money that you would spend on the shower and take her shopping at Goodwill, Salvation Army, garage sales and pick up some good, used clothes and other items. Spread the word through friends that you are looking for good, used baby items if anyone has anything to sell or give away. Buy diapers in bulk. She needs the essentials not the frills for this baby.

Help her find the resources available in your town that can help her with the baby.

OP ~~ Would it be possible for you to clarify a little more exactly what this MTB's situation is. You've said she's 19, has recently lost her job, has no contact with her own mother, and other relatives live far away.

Does she live alone? With roommates? With her father? Are you absolutely certain that it is her intention to keep this baby (as opposed to allowing it to be adopted)? If she is, where will she and New Baby be living? Who is paying for her medical care? All these things might color how I feel about the shower.

In any case, I presume you're not planning to host the shower for a few months yet. Fourteen weeks isn't really very far into the pregnancy, although I think you're very smart to be thinking of the logistics already.

In this situation, I would forgo the baby shower. No family in town, friends are all struggling, so who is there to invite to the shower?

I would instead take the money that you would spend on the shower and take her shopping at Goodwill, Salvation Army, garage sales and pick up some good, used clothes and other items. Spread the word through friends that you are looking for good, used baby items if anyone has anything to sell or give away. Buy diapers in bulk. She needs the essentials not the frills for this baby.

Help her find the resources available in your town that can help her with the baby.

I hadn't seen this when I posted, but I think basically it goes with how I'm feeling about this.

I would totally go with a baby shower as long as I could get any sort of guest list. This would not be about any sort of equipping the baby ( plenty of people have practical suggestions for that) but about celebrating a new baby. If she is keeping the baby, she has a long tough slog ahead of her so why not give her a happy start?

A baby shower is a sign that the baby and the mom are loved and welcomed in the community. If people want to shame her for her choices then please keep them off the guest list. I would go if a friend asked me ( and made it clear the gift would be a smallish token gift.

If it were me, I would base my party on the guest list. If I could get five guests I would do a lovely sit down tea. If it were more I'd rent the party room.

I don't know her circumstances, but since MTB is only 14 weeks along, I would concentrate on helping her decide what is the best course of action for her and the baby. It's more important to make sure the girl gets proper prenatal care and connections to resources that can help her determine the future (adoption, child support, WIC, etc.).

A baby shower should be the least of your concerns regarding this poor kid.

I would totally go with a baby shower as long as I could get any sort of guest list. This would not be about any sort of equipping the baby ( plenty of people have practical suggestions for that) but about celebrating a new baby. If she is keeping the baby, she has a long tough slog ahead of her so why not give her a happy start?

A baby shower is a sign that the baby and the mom are loved and welcomed in the community. If people want to shame her for her choices then please keep them off the guest list. I would go if a friend asked me ( and made it clear the gift would be a smallish token gift.

If it were me, I would base my party on the guest list. If I could get five guests I would do a lovely sit down tea. If it were more I'd rent the party room.

This is a really good point. I didn't articulate it well but this was kind of what I was thinking about when I suggested a onesie decorating party with her friends.

Logged

After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice: If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.