Monday, June 9, 2008

And I am so out of here. My attitude hasn't improved much, unfortunately. I'm considering doing some meditation exercises on the drive home so that I don't end up brooding all night long about how irritated I am at the VA chaplain service HQ. Probably just go home, shower and crash, though. :) So much easier than actually facing my emotions and the thoughts that surround them and, by doing so, deal with them. Nah, so much easier to just seethe!

But I know better ...

In the first section of the Dhammapada, entitled "The Pairs," is this entry:

``He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me,'' in those who harbour such thoughts hatred is not appeased.``He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me,'' in those who do not harbour such thoughts hatred is appeased.

This popped into my mind as I was typing this passage, trying to kill these moments before I can flee this furnace office space and head home. Basically what it means is that so long as I classify myself a victim - of the system, of an individual, of fate, of God, or anything else - I cannot escape hatred. It will always exist within me, growing like a cancer until it consumes me and destroys me and all I hold dear. Only by working with these thoughts and emotions can I move on towards wholeness and healing, not only in this minor case of irritation with the VA, but with all of the injuries that we suffer in our lives.

And since I'm on the topic, here's another verse from the same chapter of the Dhammapada:

Mind is the forerunner of (all evil) states. Mind is chief; mind-made are they. If one speaks or acts with wicked mind, suffering follows one, even as the wheel follows the hoof of the draught-ox.

Mind is the forerunner of (all good) states. Mind is chief; mind-made are they. If one speaks or acts with pure mind, AFFECTION follows one, even as one's shadow that never leaves.