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Towers of white crystal once dominated the landscape of Ko-Metru, back in the early days of the Toa Metru and for tens of thousands of millennia before then. Within the last day, a miracle had graced the City of Legends. Yes, there was the miracle of the life of the Great Spirit being restored, but there had been another smaller miracle that had been overshadowed by the great sacrifice of his translator. The Knowledge Towers, as with the rest of the city, had been restored to its former glory.

It was into one of the Towers of Thought that Jaa led Turaga Nuju, former elder of Ko-Koro, into. Jaa had long ago been a scholar in towers such as this. Now, he was relearning these skills that were lost to him by a hand of darkness. Nuju remembered back to his first glorious adventure through Metru Nui, seeking out the lost Matoran Ehrye. Jaa had helped him then, whether he remembered it or not, just as he did now. Ascending the Tower of Thought took little time as they were eerily empty, even for such a presitigious tower as this one.

Nuju knew why. Mata Nui, have mercy on his soul.

Arriving at the top, he half-expected to see him waiting there, looking up into the stars. That was ridiculous of course. He was dead now. Nuju would never see him again. Jaa led Nuju to look out over the City of Legends. The streets were filled with celebrations, but Nuju knew that they were actually empty. Jaa pointed up into the sky. He had explained to Nuju before entering that there was a story dancing in the stars. It was as if the dead had written a journal, waiting to be seen by those down below. Looking at the region to which Jaa motioned, Nuju saw the Red Star glowing brightly as ever. The stars that surrounded it had a newfound glow, no longer dying. And in those stars, Nuju read the story of Matoro, glowing brighter than them all.

The universe is a riddle. Nuju smiled. Sometimes the riddle can be solved just by looking around you.

---

Matoro, Toa Inika of Ice, felt his head be smashed against the rock walls of a winding stone Cord.

The hand belonged to Vezon, the insane Piraka that wasn’t a Piraka, former guardian of the Kanohi Ignika, the Mask of Life. With his head ringing, Matoro struggled to fire a blast of ice and lightning from his energized ice sword. The blast missed Vezon completely and struck the opposite wall.

Jaller and Kongu unleashed blasts of fire and air respectively which struck Vezon square in the chest. Matoro collapsed to the ground, clutching his head. Shaking it gently, he stood up and joined the other Toa Inika around Vezon. Jaller, Toa of Fire, reached down and ripped the Spear of Fusion from Vezon’s hands.

The former guardian of the Mask of Life had followed the Toa Inika down the Cord from Voya Nui, the entrance that Axonn had opened up for them.

After losing the Kanohi Ignika to the seas that surronded Voya Nui and Hahli being rescued by a strange Matoran who talked of a city beneath the sea, it became clear as to where the Toa were meant to go next.

Matoro was wondering what this meant. Destiny had an odd way of presenting itself. If the mask was meant to be used beneath the surface, why did it wait to travel there until after the Piraka and Toa Inika had rushed down beneath the surface of Voya Nui to retrieve it. Matoro smiled, remembering Nuju’s views on the universe. “It hints at the path you are meant to walk,” the Turaga of Ko-Koro would say, “but never makes its message clear.”

“Give that back!” Vezon barked at Jaller as his hands glowed with red hot energy.

Jaller ignored the plea and the Spear of Fusion burst into flames.

From behind Vezon, the Toa Inika could hear a swarm of footsteps. The Zyglak were returning. The Zyglak had proven to be a formiddable threat on the journey down the Cord so far, being immune to attacks made with the Toa’s elemental powers. They had escaped narrowly and continued onwards. The Toa Inika had also learned, through carvings, that the Zyglak were somehow connected to the Krana. Nuparu had been the one to spot the carving itself – out of a pool of liquid emerged a hideous creature resembling the Zyglak and a Krana. More carvings followed with what looked like Matoran and Bohrok, but the details had been worn away with time, making them completely unreadable.

Vezon leapt to his feet and turned to the Zyglak, smiling as any Piraka would. “Take the Toa!” Vezon yelled giddily. “Kill the Toa, and I will lead you all to glory!”

The Toa Inika raised their weapons, what little they would do. If Vezon was leading the Zyglak, then they needed every weapon they could find, even if it meant striking them with their weapons rather than channeling their elemental powers through them. To the Toa’s surprise, however, the Zyglak grabbed Vezon and hoisted him over their head. “No!” Vezon shouted. “Not me! I’m clearly not a Toa! No weapon, no special powers, no mask – well, anymore at least.”

Jaller unleashed a wall of fire between the Toa Inika and the Zyglak and Piraka. It might not affect the Zyglak much, but anything helped. Matoro followed suit, creating a wall of ice, behind the wall of fire. Turning to his team, Jaller whispered one word: “Run.”

“How do we continue on from here?” Kongu looked to the other Toa for answers.

Toa Jaller, who had served as their light for the journey so far, was exhausted, after several hours of fending off the Zyglak. At the long last, the Zyglak had retreated, but now the Toa might be without a light.

Hahli, Toa of Water, smiled. “Remember back when we first arrived on Voya Nui, hiding in the cave.” Hahli reached to her face and removed her Kanohi Elda, the Mask of Detection. A bright light shown in the Cord, blinding them.

Hewkii grabbed her mask and shoved back onto her face. “We won’t be able to see like that.” Matoro let his arms down from his eyes. They burned and his headache roared. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw something slither by but disregarded it. He couldn’t think, nor see straight in this state.

“I’ll lead from the front,” Hahli replied.

The Toa exchanged glances. If Hahli led in the front, it would spare their eyes from pain. But if something were to attack her, she would be vulnerable, assuming whatever was attacking them couldn’t see either.

“I think I should scout ahead, and let you guys know what the dangers are up ahead,” Matoro offered, referring to the Kanohi Iden, the Mask of Spirit.

“No.” Jaller’s reply was short and to the point. “We can’t risk being short one of our own, should another Zyglak patrol attack.”

“I’ll be fast. No more than a minute,” Matoro replied. With that, the Toa of Ice’s body went limp.

At the same time, eerily enough, the entire room went dark as if Jaller’s fire had been doused with water. Suddenly, the room went light again as Hahli’s face glowed with the Elda removed. By that time, Matoro was sitting upright once more. “The way ahead is clear,” he said as he stood up. “Let’s go.”

---

Matoro scouted ahead, seeing nothing to be immediately concerned about. There were a few small Rahi skittering across the stairs, but nothing that would be harmful to the other Toa Inika. Turning, Matoro raced back up the Cord to the other Toa Inika. If there were blood in his veins as a spirit, it would have been frozen, even for a Toa of Ice. Hahli was leading the Toa Inika down the Cord with the Elda in her hand and the other five Toa Inika falling in behind her. Including the Toa of Ice, Matoro.

This couldn’t be real, but it was clear that one of his worst fears was. Perhaps this was a trick of the Kanohi Ignika? An alternate universe? Deep down, however, Matoro felt the connection to his body and knew that it had been invaded

But by who? Matoro quickly looked around. He couldn’t contact Hahli. She didn’t have her Kanohi Elda on. And there was no one else that could see him.

“Something’s wrong.” Matoro turned to Hewkii, who had whispered in Jaller’s ear.

“How so?” the Toa of Fire asked.

“The Toa of Ice.”

“Matoro?”

“I don’t think that’s Matoro.”

Matoro smiled. There was hope yet. Looking over at the physical Matoro, Jaller saw that the Toa of Ice seemed to have an aura of darkness around him. Shifting towards, his fellow Toa, Jaller decided that he would what exactly he had seen during his journey down the Cord. However, before he could do so, a spear flew from behind him between their heads.

More Zyglak had arrived from behind. There were more Zyglak than they had seen before. Kongu unleashed a tornado with lightning entwined. It struck the Zyglak, but did not hurt them much, the bolts of lightning knocking them backwards slightly. “Lightning,” Nuparu whispered. He turned to Jaller. “The Zyglak are immune to elemental powers, correct?”

To answer Nuparu’s question, Jaller unleashed a stream of fire, which struck some nearby Zyglak but did not burn them.

“The lightning we received from the Red Star is clearly not elemental,” Nuparu explained. “And if it’s not elemental, then it has an effect on the Zyglak.”

“Lightning is lightning, right?” Kongu asked.

Hewkii hurled rock with lightning. The rock struck the Zyglak. The lightning hurt it. “It doesn’t have to make sense right now, it just has to work.”

Hahli unleashed a stream of water with the electricity and it washed over the Zyglak. Hewkii, Jaller, Kongu, and Nuparu sent elemental blasts near Hahli’s water and lightning blast, adding some of their lightning to hers.

The Zyglak howled in pain as they slowly backed away. Matoro joined in, not even sending blasts of ice with lightning, but lightning alone. The electricity traveled from one Zyglak to another, creating a chain. When it was over, Zyglak bodies littered the ground. Not dead, but out for the count.

Matoro stared at his body, as the other Toa Inika turned to face him.

“How’d you do that?” Kongu laughed, thoroughly impressed with Matoro’s feat. “I hate getting my air in my electricity. Any chance you can help me separate it too?”

“No, he can’t,” Hewkii replied, staring harshly at the Toa of Ice that stood before him. “He’s not Matoro.”

The entire cavern went silent. When Matoro finally spoke, the voice of their nightmares spoke. “Very well.” It was the voice of Makuta.

“Leave!” Jaller ordered. “Leave now, Makuta!”

“And why should I? You have need of Matoro. He is very crucial to your quest for the Mask of Life.”

“We will destroy Matoro if it means that we can destroy you as well,” Jaller replied.

“You are serious, I see. So be it.” Makuta/Matoro waved his hand at the Toa Inika. They simply collapsed, as they fell into a deep slumber. Makuta/Matoro turned to face the spirit of Matoro. “It is time I returned your body, now isn’t it?” Makuta smiled as Matoro’s body collapsed. The spirit of the Toa of Ice wasted no time returning to it.

Standing, Matoro faced the green sludge that had filled the zamor spheres of the Piraka on Voya Nui. He could still hear the voice of Makuta in his mind, however. “You must be more careful if you are to survive the Pit, Matoro.”

“You don’t give up easily, Makuta. I have feared you for as long as I can remember, and you were never seen as simply surrendering at gun point.”

The green sludge seemed to smile. “There was more at stake than simply your body and my life. I also came to warn you.”

“Warn me?” Matoro chuckled. “I’ll heed no warning of yours.”

“You had better. Have you ever heard of the Iden Stone?” Makuta asked.

Matoro did not reply.

“Of course you haven’t. It is a stone with the ability to increase your power by tenfold. One of my brothers informed me that a Zyglak got a hold of it. It mutates you with the power, as long as it is in proximity with your spirit. Those who live in the Pit were once like that, full of power. But there power has been ripped from them. Now they are hungry for the power they lost. Very hungry.”

The green sludge seemed to just disappear – Matoro didn’t get a good look as to where it went, but he expected to see Makuta in the near future. Makuta had posed another riddle to him, dancing around the answer. Nuju would have known what to do. Sometimes, you have to figure the answer out for yourself.

---

A hand fell upon his shoulder. Turning, Nuju saw Turaga Vakama. Jaa had left a while ago, as Nuju read into this journal in the stars. Nuju whistled and tweeted, excited, explaining to Vakama what he had seen. Vakama smiled sadly as he heard Nuju’s tale. Matoro had been a large part of the Turaga of Ice’s life and now that he was gone, there was a void. There would be much healing to come, but it seemed that Nuju accepted Matoro’s death and was now ready to celebrate his life with the rest of them.

This entry probably stretched every single rule and might not be allowed in the end. But it was enjoyable to write. I wish I could manage my time better so I could have perfected it, but I’ll enter anyway.

The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: At least one inaccuracy or error has been found in your entry. After reading this judge post, you are authorized to edit your entry to fix these errors. After editing to fix these things, please post in the entry topic saying what you changed.

Grammar issues:

If the mask was meant to be used beneath the surface, why did it wait to travel there until after the Piraka and Toa Inika had rushed down beneath the surface of Voya Nui to retrieve it

Should end with a question mark .

Shifting towards, his fellow Toa, Jaller decided that he would what exactly he had seen during his journey down the Cord.

Extra comma after "towards", I think you're missing the word "ask" in there.

Canon issues:

Nuju saw the Red Star glowing brightly as ever.

The Red Star is outside of the MU, so unless I'm mistaken, it can't be seen inside Metru Nui.

To answer Nuparu’s question, Jaller unleashed a stream of fire, which struck some nearby Zyglak but did not burn them.

The Toa Inika couldn't use their elemental powers without also using lightning.

“It is time I returned your body, now isn’t it?” Makuta smiled as Matoro’s body collapsed. The spirit of the Toa of Ice wasted no time returning to it.

Makuta would have been Antidermis after he left Matoro's body, and so couldn't smile.

So, was Makuta referencing the Nui Stone at the end, or just making up a story to mess with Matoro's mind?

That's all the problems I see.

-TLhikan

0

"So I'm TL now?"
"Yeah, 'cuz if we said it the other way it'd have to be TLhiKHAAN!!"

[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;] [/color]The following comes from an authorized Contest Judge: At least one inaccuracy or error has been found in your entry. After reading this judge post, you are authorized to edit your entry to fix these errors. After editing to fix these things, please post in the entry topic saying what you changed.

1) Why would Makuta reveal himself to the Mahri, when later he made a bug point of Matoro keeping his presence secret from the others?

2) The idea of this contest is for the person themselves to write the Memoirs, so yeah.

3) What is the Iden stone? The mention of something outside canon parameters might get you in trouble.

Unfortunately I've found several canonicity issues. Two of them still need further research (at least); the others are all fixable. One of the two remaining might DQ the entry, but I tend to doubt it. I'm pretty sure with fairly minimal editing this can actually be salvaged for polls.

Found a few typos too. My replies are in the order I found issues in the entry, so typo corrections are mixed in:

Jaa led Nuju to look out over the City of Legends. The streets were filled with celebrations, but Nuju knew that they were actually empty. Jaa pointed up into the sky. He had explained to Nuju before entering that there was a story dancing in the stars. It was as if the dead had written a journal, waiting to be seen by those down below. Looking at the region to which Jaa motioned, Nuju saw the Red Star glowing brightly as ever.

Red Star? This is in Metru Nui, right? So the context seems to say. No Red Star in Metru Nui.

And in those stars, Nuju read the story of Matoro, glowing brighter than them all.

The universe is a riddle. Nuju smiled. Sometimes the riddle can be solved just by looking around you.

---

Matoro, Toa Inika of Ice, felt his head be smashed against the rock walls of a winding stone Cord.

Unfortunately, this sounds clearly contest-rule-breaking. (Also, there's no evidence the stars could give this kind of detail!) However, you could actually salvage the story simply by saying Nuju knew that Matoro used to keep a diary, and wondering if he ever found time to write one before he died. Then at the end you could add a note that indeed he did, and he gave it to one of the other Toa Mahri before going ahead when they were chasing Voya Nui.

Since you didn't write from his perspective during that part of the story this would be plausible (as even if he COULD write while falling down the waterfall, the tablet would be destroyed either along with him, or falling into the swamp and energy storms getting it, so he would have to pass it off to one of them before that). Your only telling one small incident helps too -- later on he might realize a Toa has no time for chronicling, but as a translator he might try it, but maybe he lost any VN entries or something. Jaller or whoever could give it to Nuju in the opening (so you could replace the whole stars thing with his being presented the tablet and starting to read it).

After losing the Kanohi Ignika to the seas that surronded

surrounded

The Zyglak had proven to be a formiddable

formidable

A bright light shown

shone

Not 100% sure offhand if Makuta can inhabit bodies of Iden users. Probably so but I'd need to see confirmation. I think it's been discussed before and shown that they can though. *tries to check* Well, it's not mentioned on BS01's Iden page... Maybe a Makuta page? Hmm... not seeing it on either the Makuta page or the Antidermis page. We'll need a Greg quote, then.

“Something’s wrong.” Matoro turned to Hewkii, who had whispered in Jaller’s ear.

I'd split those paragraphs. The quote being followed immediately by "Matoro" made me think Matoro (either as ghost or his body) was speaking until later in the sentence. It's jarring that way, but if the second sentence is a new paragraph I would immediately assume the speaker wasn't Matoro.

“Lightning is lightning, right?” Kongu asked.

Hewkii hurled rock with lightning. The rock struck the Zyglak. The lightning hurt it. “It doesn’t have to make sense right now, it just has to work.”

Unfortunately, for the contest it just has to be canonically plausible, and I'm not sure this is. Unless of course it was stated in one of the official story sources. I'm not seeing it on BS01. If lightning alone hurts, then elemental lightning should hurt by making lightning, versus sending lightning EE at them. Kongu's statement makes the most sense; I wouldn't expect this to work. Calling the lightning non-elemental seems to simply be a way of saying that the Toa Inika don't have control over it. But it's the same energy either way. If this was just a fanfic I'd say forget all that and let it work (esp. makes sense that lightning would hurt organic beings more than other things; perhaps that is the reason it works and the Toa interpret it incorrectly), but I think we'd need confirmation to approve this.

If this doesn't work, it may still be fixable by using another means to stop these Zyglak. Maybe making rocks rain down from the ceiling to knock them out or something. (Under careful control by Hewkii so the whole thing doesn't collapse -- it wouldn't be a material attack, just impacts, so you'd think that would still work.) But if you did that, the chain lightning plot point wouldn't work, so that would need further editing somehow. *shrugs*

We may need to be careful with the idea that the Inika might have met Makuta on the way down. I'm not sure where to review to see if anything plainly contradicts it though. Off the top of my head it seems to make sense; their being surprised that he inhabited the Maxilos robot itself isn't contradicted because inhabiting an Iden-user wouldn't prove inhabiting a robot is possible. Two things would have to be checked; Matoro's reaction upon that reveal, and the entire time from later in the trip down the cord up to when they all know about Maxilos (so far as they do). If they ever think something like "Makuta's not here, right?" when they near the end, or after being Mahri, this would become problematic. Unfortunately in my reviewing recently I didn't cover all of that, so it'll need rechecked.

The other problems here look fixable, but if this one is totally contradicted, the entire entry may have to be DQed.

Re: judge posts:

To answer Nuparu’s question, Jaller unleashed a stream of fire, which struck some nearby Zyglak but did not burn them.

The Toa Inika couldn't use their elemental powers without also using lightning.

This could be fixed easily, and also fix another problem that Toa aren't in the habit of risking burning people directly, by having Jaller blast fire next to the Zyglak, and they don't seem in any hurry to get away from the heat. The lightning would then not likely hit them.

“It is time I returned your body, now isn’t it?” Makuta smiled as Matoro’s body collapsed. The spirit of the Toa of Ice wasted no time returning to it.

Makuta would have been Antidermis after he left Matoro's body, and so couldn't smile.

I don't see a problem with this. Leaving could be a process, as could the body falling down. Makuta could control a smile to appear just before he leaves, and the muscles (or whatever) would remain in that position as Makuta relinquished control, and slowly go back to norm. The leg muscles though are fighting gravity so the body would naturally collapse. So the smile could remain for a bit, fading as it falls. Adds creepy value too.

So, was Makuta referencing the Nui Stone at the end, or just making up a story to mess with Matoro's mind?

I believe the Iden Stone was something from one of the other contest winning entries. *searches* Yes, from Merciless Shadows by Legolover-361:

1) Why would Makuta reveal himself to the Mahri, when later he made a [big] point of Matoro keeping his presence secret from the others?

Could be explained as re above; the others still don't know he could inhabit a robot. They also might assume he couldn't survive in water, and this incident was a last attempt to stop them before they left the air of the cord. (If so they wouldn't be paying close attention, but that's common with Toa encounters with Makuta; they don't seem to get that he was helping them along a lot because they were playing into his Plan.)

Not 100% sure offhand if Makuta can inhabit bodies of Iden users. Probably so but I'd need to see confirmation. I think it's been discussed before and shown that they can though. *tries to check* Well, it's not mentioned on BS01's Iden page... Maybe a Makuta page? Hmm... not seeing it on either the Makuta page or the Antidermis page. We'll need a Greg quote, then.

5-since the kraata are essentialy Makutas essance, could Makuta possibly live on through one of them?(since he no longer has his own body)

5) No. A kraata is a living thing, which means it has a spirit ... Makuta can only possess a living body that has no spirit in it.
* * *

7) No. Makuta can successfully possess one of two things -- a robot body and a living body with no spirit in it.

Since the Iden allows the spirit to leave, but doesn't "kill" the body (if the Spirit returns, the body still takes him) the theory is that an absent Iden user would leave behind a living yet spiritless body. The theory hasn't been dis-proven as of yet...

We may need to be careful with the idea that the Inika might have met Makuta on the way down. I'm not sure where to review to see if anything plainly contradicts it though. Off the top of my head it seems to make sense; their being surprised that he inhabited the Maxilos robot itself isn't contradicted because inhabiting an Iden-user wouldn't prove inhabiting a robot is possible. Two things would have to be checked; Matoro's reaction upon that reveal, and the entire time from later in the trip down the cord up to when they all know about Maxilos (so far as they do). If they ever think something like "Makuta's not here, right?" when they near the end, or after being Mahri, this would become problematic. Unfortunately in my reviewing recently I didn't cover all of that, so it'll need rechecked.
The other problems here look fixable, but if this one is totally contradicted, the entire entry may have to be DQed.

First, I think this story is trying to retell a cancelled book from 2007 (even the title refs it):

BIONICLE Legends: Invasion was a book that was scheduled to be released in 2007 as the seventh Legends novel. However, it was canceled due to poor book sales. Invasion was meant to tell the story of the Toa Inika's trip down the Cord. Included in the book was a scene where Vezon slammed Matoro's head into a wall, a confrontation with a tribe of Zyglak, Vezon being taken by the Zyglak, Hahli being injured in a battle, Teridax possessing Matoro while the latter was using his Iden, stealing Hahli's Elda, and later being forced out by the other Toa Inika who threatened to kill Matoro's body. The book would also explain the relationship between the Zyglak and Krana. That information was released in the LEGO Magazine and BIONICLE: Encyclopedia Updated instead.

I think that relationship between Zyglak and Krana was the information in the Encyclopedia, not the other stuff. I also thought it was confirmed that antidermis could possess any living form without a spirit or a robot, and I'm pretty sure I saw confirmation...*reruns to check*

Wait a minute, I'm wrong...

In the updated encyclopedia, mentions of Vezon encountering the Zyglak and Makuta possessing Matoro were made. Were these details supposed to be included in the original Bionicle Legends #7?

Yes indeed

Updated Encyclopedia = official story source. I think that is canon. I still want more direct confirmation though.

13) Can a Toa with an Iden possess Makuta armor?

13) Yes, if there is no spirit in the armor at that time.

The reverse is true. Come on, search engine...

3) If the Inika bodies are imune to antodermis how did Mukuta posses matoro?

3) Good question. Toa power is not purely tied to body, it is also tied to spirit - and when Makuta possessed Matoro, Matoro's spirit was not in his body. It was just a shell. That's the same reason Makuta could not use Matoro's ice power when in Matoro's body.

4. You said Makuta's energy could possess empty shells, like the body of someone using a Kanohi Iden. Since the Elda and Rode could see spirits, would they be able to tell if, say, Makuta possessed Matoro's body and pretended to be him?

3) No. Those masks can see spirits that are outside of bodies, not inside bodies.

Argh! So close, and yet so far. But I think it adds up to the point where my crew of weasels back here say that it fits canon. It appears that Greg said that Makuta could possess Iden users somewhere other than the OGDs, and that source is lost. But if it made the encyclopedia (updated), then I'll leave it alone.

That is, if this one isn't already DQed due to the other errors. But for the record.

I'm working on the polls for this contest now -- I'm posting here just to note that I saw that I didn't say whether the unresolved issues here should prevent it from going to polls or not, and I forget. This is just a reminder to me, and a callout to others, to check this before posting the polls. (It'll affect some of my wording too; I say there are 16 categories but as this category has only this entry, not approving it would reduce the number to 15.) And just glancing back at my previous post isn't clearing it up.

And in those stars, Nuju read the story of Matoro, glowing brighter than them all.

The universe is a riddle. Nuju smiled. Sometimes the riddle can be solved just by looking around you.

---

Matoro, Toa Inika of Ice, felt his head be smashed against the rock walls of a winding stone Cord.

Unfortunately, this sounds clearly contest-rule-breaking. (Also, there's no evidence the stars could give this kind of detail!) However, you could actually salvage the story simply by saying Nuju knew that Matoro used to keep a diary, and wondering if he ever found time to write one before he died. Then at the end you could add a note that indeed he did, and he gave it to one of the other Toa Mahri before going ahead when they were chasing Voya Nui.

Since you didn't write from his perspective during that part of the story this would be plausible (as even if he COULD write while falling down the waterfall, the tablet would be destroyed either along with him, or falling into the swamp and energy storms getting it, so he would have to pass it off to one of them before that). Your only telling one small incident helps too -- later on he might realize a Toa has no time for chronicling, but as a translator he might try it, but maybe he lost any VN entries or something. Jaller or whoever could give it to Nuju in the opening (so you could replace the whole stars thing with his being presented the tablet and starting to read it).

And that's the "The stars/author thing".

“Lightning is lightning, right?” Kongu asked.

Hewkii hurled rock with lightning. The rock struck the Zyglak. The lightning hurt it. “It doesn’t have to make sense right now, it just has to work.”

Unfortunately, for the contest it just has to be canonically plausible, and I'm not sure this is. Unless of course it was stated in one of the official story sources. I'm not seeing it on BS01. If lightning alone hurts, then elemental lightning should hurt by making lightning, versus sending lightning EE at them. Kongu's statement makes the most sense; I wouldn't expect this to work. Calling the lightning non-elemental seems to simply be a way of saying that the Toa Inika don't have control over it. But it's the same energy either way. If this was just a fanfic I'd say forget all that and let it work (esp. makes sense that lightning would hurt organic beings more than other things; perhaps that is the reason it works and the Toa interpret it incorrectly), but I think we'd need confirmation to approve this.

If this doesn't work, it may still be fixable by using another means to stop these Zyglak. Maybe making rocks rain down from the ceiling to knock them out or something. (Under careful control by Hewkii so the whole thing doesn't collapse -- it wouldn't be a material attack, just impacts, so you'd think that would still work.) But if you did that, the chain lightning plot point wouldn't work, so that would need further editing somehow. *shrugs*

And this is another issue that you bring up that wasn't addressed.

The rest of this post addresses the errors that TL brought up and the thing I addressed with the encyclopedia/Greg quotes three or four posts up.

As you point out, all of the errors contained therein are fixable. However, if they are not fixed, we can't let this go on to "become canon", since it doesn't make sense with canon. If the member isn't going to edit their entry to fix these problems, it's out.

Thanks -- that saves me some time. Okay, the lightning fire thing, just from the quote in your post, doesn't look like an "unpollworthy" issue; it just says he used fire, not that he didn't use fire with lightning in it.

But the others do look like it can't go on. The Red Star definitely shouldn't be there. Writing that kind of detail for a memoir from stars isn't canonically plausible, and the lightning isn't lightning thing isn't either. I guess we're down to 15 categories. *goes to edit stuff*

As edits deemed necessary to allow this entry to go to the polls have not been made in time, unfortunately it has been disqualified from the seventh Storyline & Theories Contest: Memoirs of the Dead. However, the contest rules stated:

After the contest non-winning entries will be moved to the Library as normal fan fiction

This applies to DQed entries now that the polls have been posted, so this topic is now being moved to Short Stories.