We need to talk

I can’t believe Remus kissed her, or she kissed him, or whatever happened.

I can’t believe my father hit him.

~*~

After ‘the incident’ yesterday at the Muggle restaurant I couldn’t bear to go back to work yet. I went for a walk and tried to clear my head.

I was furious; furious with this woman who seems to love wrecking her own brand of havoc on my marriage. I know she wants me to doubt Remus. I know she’s in love with him. But I just don’t understand how he feels about her. Why won’t he talk to me about her? Why won’t he be honest? If there’s nothing to hide, why is he keeping things from me? Is it me? Do I jump to conclusions? Does he think I’ll not understand? Is it the baby? Is he trying to protect me? Is it her? Were they more than friends?

I never really found any answers, and went back to work and sulked the rest of the day. I didn’t get much accomplished and went home.

The girls were happy to see me. Harriet and Ella made pizza, and cleaned the house, and despite being upset with Remus, I couldn’t help but smile in their midst. I kept watching the clock, wondering when (and if) he was coming home, until I remembered he had meetings all afternoon and probably didn’t get any work done. It didn’t matter; I wasn’t sure if I was ready to talk to him or not.

By the time I chatted with Harriet for a while, bathed El, and got her ready for bed, I was tired myself. I crawled into bed and listened to the Wireless for a while in an attempt to relax and distract myself. It didn’t work.

I heard Remus ascend the stairs and open the bedroom door. I glanced at the clock and let out a grateful sigh. I was beginning to wonder if he was coming home at all. I listened as he disrobed and climbed into bed. I was trying to find the courage to speak, but the words just wouldn’t come. I didn’t know what to say, so I just lay there- silent.

I didn’t sleep well. I spent most of my night tossing and turning, and was startled awake when Remus snaked his arm around my waist, pulling me flush against his body. It was such a warm and comforting feeling, and I felt so secure and loved while in his arms. His hand splayed across my stomach, and even though I was hurt, and upset, I placed my hand over his, caressing it softly. I slept the rest of the night through.

~*~

Remus was sleeping soundly by morning, and I couldn’t bring myself to disturb him. I still didn’t know what to say. A part of me wanted an apology, another part of me wanted to know what happened, and a very significant part of me just wasn’t ready to hear his ‘explanation’ yet.

It didn’t matter anyway; I got up early for my first round of Foetal Werewolf testing. I hoped that Remus would have remembered and gone with me, as it’s a slightly uncomfortable procedure, but evidently, he didn’t. I quickly made the girls some porridge and toast with marmalade and left them giggling and listening to the children’s programming on the Wireless.

I Apparated over to St. Mungo’s, filled out my paperwork, and was called back to an exam room.

Some images were taken of my abdomen, and I could see the little foetus wriggling around on the film, and tears welled up in my eyes as I smiled. Unfortunately, I knew what was coming next. I kept hoping Remus would come through the door and hold my hand while a disgustingly long needle was inserted into my belly, but that moment never came.

I wasn’t angry at the Medi-witch, but for the fact that I have to undergo this asinine procedure three times during my pregnancy, and, of course, they won’t find anything! It’s just so stupid!

~*~

I walk back to work from St. Mungo’s. I didn’t feel like Apparating, or riding the Underground- I needed time to clear my head.

I carefully avoid walking past Monty’s, but my thoughts inevitably are on Remus, the baby, and Hilary.

We need to talk. I’m worried.

I enter the Auror Department to find the general sort of chaos I’ve grown to appreciate, hang up my cloak and sit down at my desk. Before I can open the file on my desk, I feel someone’s presence behind me and hear Remus’ voice.