My Little Pony

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example, HOLY SHIT SEASON 9 WILL BE THE FINAL SEASON OF MLP:FiM!! BRONIES AND PEGASISTERS ON SUICIDE WATCH!!!!!1

This article does not need any more descriptions of the show you watch.

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Cartoon Horse Program (also known as My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic) is a big gay pink clusterfuck of a television show directed at little girls with the attention span of a dog with an arse full of crack. The show is also surrounded by various plastic crap in the shape of grinning flowery ponies, hand carved by the finest diseased Chinese orphans Hasbro can enslave. It was your average bullshit children's show until it gained an unnaturally large following of fat greasy basement dwellers all desperate to gain some semblance of their childhood by desperately obsessing over a children's show about magical faggot ponies. Self-labeled as the dreaded Brony, these mongoloid fucktards have created billions of unfunny image macros and a few half-arsed forced memes, vomiting it over every inch of the interbutts while they masturbate furiously to a small plastic figurine of Pinkie Pie.

Rainbow Dash – A carpet-munching slutbag with an ADHD problem, usually shipped by ponyfaggots into various clit-licking bonanzas, so quick that she can prolapse her anus in an ass-to-ass dildo session with another pony in 10 seconds flat

Pinkie Pie – A hyperactive, scatter brained, attention whoring drug addict with an over zealous voice actor and a name that sounds like some sort of sex move involving pastries.

Rarity – Faust does a good job of presenting a totally unstereotypical depiction of an uptight, whiny, know it all, English slag. Working in clothing, she makes all of the dominatrix costumes for other ponies. Her sole purpose is to be "the self-obsessed one", complaining about the state of her hair or appearance to the point of teeth grinding irritation, making anyone unfortunate enough to glance upon her wafting about their television want to scalp that bitch swiftly. Rarity also enjoys having sex with her slave Spike.

Sunset Shimmer – Celestia's ex-student and the main villain in the first Equestria Girls movie. She has the power to become a succubus. In the end, they pulled off a Nightmare Moon by learning about the power of friendship and lesbianship, and becomes one with the main protagonists in later movies and clips after the first one.

Princess Celestia – Glorious Führerin white devil of Equestria who rules over all the land with a tight regime. Any pony that doesn't appear to be smiling incessantly will be immediately be punished by this Nazi pony's rainbow colored cactus dildo. Sends Twilight and the others to do her dirty work, thus proving herself the wisest princess of the worthless bunch: never do a job yourself if you can make a flunky do it for you.

Princess Luna – Former villain Nightmare Moon. The disappointment of a little sister to Princess Celestia and as such is a grimdark emo pony that barely appears in the show. This is probably due to spending most of her time slitting her wrists as the unbearable happiness and joy that the other ponies consistently shit out gnaws at her (and our) brains like a rat with rabies.

Princess Twilight Sparkle – Doesn't want to be addressed as princess all the time because she wants to be seen as a Pony Of The People despite her lack of interest in abdicating her title so no one would ever have to call her Princess again and her wish to be equals with everyone would come true. Bring this up to Bronies and watch their heads explode. See Twilight Sparkle above under Mane 6.

Princess Flurry Heart – Cadence and Shining Armor's recently born daughter, who is basically Poof 2.0; she creates a gigantic snowstorm just by sneezing. Will most likely be a Mary Sue, which is a good reason as for why she should've been aborted.

Spike – Tiny purple baby dragon shrimp that represents all the silly boys that populate the world and is a slave kept by Twilight Sparkle to do all her shit for her further penetrating the idea of lesbian feminazism into the minds of young girl's, making sure their next slumber party involves copious amounts of scissoring. Spike is also a sex slave kept by Rarity for her pleasure, which he enjoys more than Twilight Sparkle's bidding.

Cutie Mark Crusaders – The Cultie Mark Crusadists is made up of three of the most painfully dull characters, and their quest to find their Cutie Marks. They consist of Sweetie Belle, who basically has the same personality as a 12 year old girl. Then there's Scootaloo, the parentless dyke, who's fans like to relate her to a chicken. The third and final member of the Cancer Making Cunts, is none other then Apple Bloom, a talentless inbred, worshiped by fans for being so kawaii. The fourth and newest member so far is Apple Bloom's inbred incest cousin Babs Seed.

Zecora – A zebra that turns out to be a nigger living in a hut full of voodoo shit like most black stereotypes do.

Discord – Possibly the only good character in the show: A draconequus that was once a main villain in season 2. With Hasbro's idea to bring him back to understand the magic of friendship from his sexual lover Fluttershy in season 3, Discord went from villain to troll and now fulfills the role of Q from Star Trek in the MLP:FiM universe. Whoever wrote all this horseturd should be assraeped with a pony doll.

Starlight Glimmer – Another Mary Sue pony. Starlight Glimmer was once a feminazi type villain from Season 5 who lead the motherland that changes cutie marks, forcing everyone to be SJW feminists of equality just like her. Then later she came back to change history to erase Twilight Sparkle and everything she finds triggered. That's until Twilight Sparkle stopped her to witness the end of the world that gave her a change of heart and no longer becomes a evil feminazi thanks to Twilight Sparkle's magic of lesbian-friendship. FUN FACT: Starlight Glimmer is most likely made to make fun of Tumblr and Anita Sarkeesian combined.

Nightmare Moon – It pretty much explains the same thing as Luna except Nightmare Moon is twice as worse and super emo.

Trixie Lulamoon – Sethisto'spony waifu he keeps in his bed (which aptly enough describes Sethisto, except for the blue female part) and Twilight Sparkle's archrival. Trixie is a entertainer who never shuts her big fucking mouth about herself as The Great And Powerful Trixie and rants how she's better than everybody. In reality, she's a powerless showoff with a big fucking mouth and she'll always get her horse pussy dominated by Twilight Sparkle.

Tirek – The reboot of a G1 My Little Pony villain in the end of season 4. An old centaur that devours the souls of ponies like he's freakin' Shang Tsung in order to grow stronger to regain his real form. Responsible for destroying Twilight Sparkle's home with a shoop da whoop and replace it with her own kingdom in the end.

Adagio Dazzle – Leader of her band and the main villain in the second Equestria Girls movie Rainbow Rocks. A second movie? Seriously? And together with her lesbian bandmates Aria Sorrow & Sonata Dusk, they are known as The Dazzlings who are apparently Sirens or some shit.

Derpy Hooves – Born and raised in 4chan's /co/ board, a pony that suffered a severe stroke causing Marty Feldman Syndrome, fans find this adorable, while she silently prays "roll on death" (See more in the Derpygeddon article). Derpy is also the characterized manifestation of the average MLP viewer's severe mental retardation.

The lack of significant male characters is due to the fact that Lauren Faust is a closet feminazi. When any male ponies are shown, they usually babble something witless to the female characters, then get their testicles crunched by a hoof for stepping out of line. The show has inexplicably garnered praise from various retards for its "clever" writing and "witty" humor, this is usually spouted by the flabby neckbeards to stop them from feeling like emasculated fucknuggets for watching a girl's children show. It is unknown as to where these statements of "good writing" find their basis, but if you consider a group of ponies dry humping each other and dribbling something about friendship "clever", or a cartoon horse squealing then falling over "funny" there is something seriously wrong. The disgusting fugly and garish color palette of the show will cause any normal man who glances at the screen to fall into a coma twitching and vomiting. This is because a large amount of sickeningly bright ponies are often fucking about on the screen enough during any given episode, to cause a hardcore epileptic fit. These symptoms only effect men with actual balls hanging from their groin: therefore bronies are exempt.

The many flabby nerdsacks at /co/ quickly latched on to the show seeing it as a colorful distraction for their otherwise pitiful lives and a decent cover for their closet pedophilic tendencies that reveal themselves through the guise of watching a television show for little girls. These flabby maniacs created thread after thread of fanart and fanfiction vomiting rainbow colored anti-lulz into 4chan to the vast and unending dismay of everyone else. A few weeks later, this cancer has found its way to /b/, and so another unfunny lump of cancerous fandom and asshatery was shat into the sea of diarrhea that is /b/.

The entire decision for a /b/ onslaught was decided by five fabulous tripfags known as Flutter!shy (age 16) Appple!jack (age 22) Pinkie!pie (age 20) Rainbow!dash (age 23) and BigMcIn!!toshdAyGxE (age 14) as shown in the possibly shooped screenshot to the right. And so the gigantic pony monster grew, stuffing it's friendship dick into all the threads and ejaculating despicable pony generals that scraped at the eyes of any front page lurkers. The dribbling masses of Bronies seemed unfazed by the gore and cp that /b/tards desperatley threw at them to qwell the faggotry, and so it was the mods turn to stifle this pinkie pie shaped tumor growing within /b/.

m00t and his cronies decided they'd had enough of the bronies horse fucking faggotry and threw about gigantic banhammers left and right, squashing all the ponies into twitching masses of purple and pink guts. The bronies effectively shat their pants with rage and attempted to fight back against what they considered was infringing on their rights by spamming endless unfunny pony image macros and acting like considerably ass-pained little children. On October 22, 2011, a sticky on /b/ was posted by moot, declaring trips to be taken away and as a side-note that all bronies and pony related posts should take their leave. Off course all of the butthurt bronies slithered into the sticky so as to complain some more, only to be led like lambs to the slaughter as m00t b& their unadulterated faggotry out of existence.

Moot suddenly realized that he is actually a complete faggot, chuckling at how he'd forgotten such a thing. Therefore deciding to open the flood gates and let the cancerous rainbow magic faggotry stream in by creating a board for all the filthy overweight cretins that worship this god awful show. Proving once and for all that 4chan is the worst place on the internet.

“

This is precisely why we don't negotiate with terrorists. Now that you have your own homeland you can strike at us freely.

Every brony that walks this earth. Every man, who covets the evil of the pony. Every man, Who keeps a picture of fluttershy as their background. Every man, Who applies rainbow decals to their car. Who floods the boards of 4chan. Who defiles our memes. Who brings ruin and corruption to the face of our world.

Our mission is to hunt you. To crush you. To ruin you.

We shall tear at the integrity of your legions, and revel in the dying agony of your evil. We shall bring disillusion to your corrupt acclaim, and laugh in the face of your idle threats.

Your evil does not trepidate us. Your evil does not repel us.

We shall destroy and obliterate until you are nothing but a neon stain on the face of the internet.

And when the last brony is cornered, and cannot call for the assistance of its corrupt armies, When they are trapped, and are unable to brandish the blade of evil, we shall remember. Remember all the delusion you have wrought. Remember the corrupted memes. Remember the defilation of everything you have ever touched,

The year was 2013. The kikes down at Hasbro needed some more money (apparently the billions they sucked out of their manchild cult wasn't enough) so Lauren Faust gathered up a bunch of smelly old washed up cartoonists and told them "I don't care how shitty it is just make something for these retards to jerk off to" and in about fifteen minutes, the Equestria Girls movie was born.

They basically just took all their cliche and girly ass characters and made them 10x more slutty by morphing them into ugly, anorexic looking, anthropomorphic abominations. They also decided to change from their usual setting of Equestria and instead have the movie take place at a boring fucking high school in an obvious attempt to ripoff Monster High. The whole movie is extremely cringe worthy and just plain terrible. It consists mostly of reused jokes, every imaginable generic high school trope from the past decade, and more suggestive scenes for the brony masturbation factor, some sick perverted animator even decided to show Twilight Sparkle's underwear in a scene (you can try to look it up but you'll probably just find an archive of weird ass pony porn). Lauren Faust also showed just how much she likes trolling her mentally crippled fanbase by adding a male love interest for Twilight. This caused an uproar in the brony fanbase because they were either jealous about losing their animated waifu or they were just plain mad that she wasn't a dyke.

The plot revolves around Twilight getting horny over some long cocked stallion and since this upset the bronies, Princess Celestia banishes Twilight into a nightmarish mirror realm where her former friends and herself are all mangled into humanoid puppets that are locked inside of a special needs high school for eternity with Sunset Shimmer playing the role of Satan. The writers even managed to tend to furfags by making Spike into a little puppy dog fuck toy for the majority of the film. Twilight has to do some gay little friendship gang bang to get their friends out of hell like every other special episode featured on the show. They eventually escape the mirror realm and Twilight gets her horny pony cunt ripped open by Flash Sentry's dangling horse dick then the movie ends.

The movie received mixed feedback from the brony community. A lot of them were pissed off about it since they are obsessive compulsive aspies that get flustered when changes are made to their environment so the sight of Twilight and the gang walking around a high school as subhuman aliens disturbed them quite a bit but most of the twisted sexual deviant bronies that we know and love accepted the movie as a brand new source of fap material and got to work making the most vile collection of fetish porn the community had ever experienced.

The fags down at IMDb rated the movie a big percent lower than the actual show in a pathetic attempt at revenge against the creators since they were butthurt about their pony waifu Twilight Sparkle being stolen by Flash Sentry. This was the first time on record that IMDb went against orders from their pony overlords.

The evil Jew queen Lauren Faust finally revealed her evil plan to everyone soon after the release of the movie. Hasbro had created a series of toys based on the film that were targeted towards the few little girls that still watched the cartoon, I'm sure a lot of bronies bought them too but for masturbation purposes only. It was now evident that Lauren Faust not only wanted to milk millions of dollars out of the autistic manchildren known as bronies but she was also out to harvest pocket change from little children around the world. The masterful Jew scheme was so diabolical and well planned that it is now globally praised by evil cartoonists. The toys themselves are identical to Monster High dolls but with disgusting furry qualities like dog ears, tails, and yiff kits. They are the typical boring pieces of plastic shit that Hasbro is so well recognized and loved for.

Lauren's Jew scheme was so successful that in September 2014 they decided to do it again. The idea was conceived and worked on in a laboratory somewhere deep in the bowels of Hasbro and in about a week Equestria Girls 2: Electric Scootaloo was released. The movie is exactly the same as the first except the plot now revolves around Twilight Sparkle and her friends forming some god awful metal band. The writers added unholy amounts of fan service by allowing some retarded mute DJ to have some screen time and they also decided to make Sunset Shimmer a protagonist since My Little Pony is known for turning villains into weak ass bitches (see Discord.) The new antagonists are some crazy cultist cunts that form a rival band against Twilight Sparkle for a battle of the bands (super original writing). They are unbelievably dull characters that get completely fucking destroyed by Sunset Shimmer's OP singing at the end of the movie.

This time around almost every brony was masturbating to the humanoid versions of Twilight and her friends and the ones that weren't were off somewhere crying about how they didn't have enough feral pony porn to fap to. IMDb rated this movie higher than the original but only because their new waifu Sunset Shimmer showed some skin at the end. This was a successful trick added into the movie by Hasbro to get IMDb back on their side.