Man Threatens To Shoot Own Cat During GoPro Video Review

I’m just kidding. I’m just kidding. The cat is safe! You can breathe again. That was one of those exaggerated headlines to give me a little boost in traffic because I’m a desperate blogger in need of exposure. But just look at this photo and I’ll guarantee you’re feeling one of four things:

Frightened because you love cats and are scared its life is at risk.

Laughing because you hate cats.

Indifferent because you know it’s fake.

Angry because you’re a millennial mommy who overly protects their children, who hates guns, who loves all of earth’s species, and is generally anti-humor and pro-going-overboard-for-irrelevant-causes, such as the “Save the Siberian Mountain Goat from Climate Change.”

You see, now that I’m married it’s no longer my mom that I have to beg for permission to buy things over $25; it’s the wife. And in reality, my wife is much more strict financially than my mom.

Even though the cat in the video is entirely safe, a Siberian mountain goat is in danger. And the only person that can save this mountain goat is my wife. Here’s why:

If the wife tells me, “No, you can’t buy that GoPro. It’s $200!” then the mountain goat shown below won’t live to see another day.

So, my wife, the choice is yours: Do you want me to buy the GoPro, or do you want this cute goat to die…?

Say it with me now, “Save the Siberian mountain goat!”

The Boston Jew is a humor writer. Though you may not find him funny, we thank you for wasting time with us today.

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Written by Rel

Ariel "Rel" Mathiowitz is a neurotic, panicky writer who details his pathetic life stories and frustrated points of view.
Rel is 6 foot 5; however, he makes himself appear to be 5 foot 5 because he wants women to lust for him for his personality, and not his grand stature.