Saturday, January 12, 2013

Have I had a mocha? I mean, that wasn't part of a candy? If you're asking me, though (and you are), I'll take milk chocolate.

3: If you could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be?

I don't really imagine wanting to do that.

4: Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?

I grew up in a small suburb sandwiched between big suburbs, which is not the same thing as growing up in a small town. In small towns, children don't get lectures from angry homeowners about property values.

5: Your favorite adult as a child? (and not your parents, if they were your favorite)

My Aunt Amy. She was still in high school (?) when I was born, so she was the young, fun aunt when I was a kid. Of course she grew up and became just like my Mom, so that stopped being so much fun, but I love my Aunt Amy.

6: What kind of smoothie sounds really good right now?

Strawberry-banana.

7: Most embarrassing moment from your elementary school years?

There are lots of those, but top of the heap definitely has to be the time I puked in Sunday School in front of all the assembled classes. My Mom just wouldn't believe I was sick and let me stay home, so I ended up in the very front row of the assembly we had before breaking off into our regular classes (first and fourth grade sat in front, and I was in the very front because my last name starts with D) projectile vomiting to a prepubescent chorus of "Ewwwww!!!!" That was the worst. Honestly, that's worse than the time I was bullied and punched all the way home by every male in my class in sixth grade. But not by much.

8: Most embarrassing moment from your middle school years?

Again, there are a lot. I got yelled at by teachers a lot, particularly my hot 7th grade lit teacher and my evil 8th grade science teacher. To this day I'd like to punch him right in the face, and I don't carry grudges very far. But any really specific occurrences like the above puking incident seem to be pretty much blocked out.

9: Most embarrassing moment from your high school years?
Same as above; lots of embarrassing stuff, but I can't remember specifics sometimes because I was just so angry all the damn time. Pushed around so much that it all runs together.

10: Pirates or ninjas? Why?

Pirates, because they're historically interesting and I just like stories that take place at sea. And I guess the irreverence with which they're portrayed in pop culture. I just find ninjas boring. Even when I was a kid, unless they were Teenage Mutant Turtles, I didn't care much for ninjas. When we used to play G.I. Joe, every kid wanted to be Snake Eyes. But I always wanted to be Shipwreck. Huh, pirates, even then. Plus, I was even more obnoxious as a kid.

11: Have you ever climbed a tree more than twenty feet off the ground?

All the time as a kid.

12: Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set?

I loved the swings when I was a kid. LOVED them. I don't get excited when I see them now, but I remember how much I loved them.

I also remember an embarrassing incident from my high school years, where I was on a swing that somehow broke. The chain slipped out of the ring holding it up, and I went down hard on the ground. It was at a family barbecue in Iowa, so lots of extended family there, and I thought I'd avoided detection of my graceless landing (right on my ass) until I heard my Uncle Ralph's booming laughter from across the playground. Oy, Uncle Ralph. I was so embarrassed, but I just shrugged it off. Now it just reminds me of how much I love my Uncle Ralph, who died ten years ago.

13: If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get?

I have a great pet now. If I could also have an elephant somehow, I would not mind that. I think one day I'd like to have a dog, but they're not permitted in our apartment, and I'm never sure what kind I'd like. I think Welsh Corgi, put I love pugs...

14: What’s your most favorite part of your body?

Eh. Let's be honest, it's my penis. Why lie?

15: What’s your most favorite part of your personality?

The serenity I'm after. Every once in a while I feel it, and I want to be better and better at accessing it.

16: Madonna or Lady Gaga? Neither? Both? Who cares?

They both put out the same kind of music, and sometimes it sounds good and sometimes it doesn't. Neither one is a great artist or even all that interesting, but I like some of the music, even love some. In the end, I give Madonna the edge for me because she recorded "Live to Tell," one of my favorite songs ever.

17: Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through?

Only both times the Chicago Bears were playing. I was 9 when the '85 Bears played at Superbowl XX, and that was a pretty huge deal. I was excited. The second time the Bears played, just back in '07, mostly what I remember is Prince's great performance at the halftime show.

18: Have you ever watched any major sporting event drunk?

No.

19: What’s the most delicious food you’ve ever eaten in your life?

I don't know. If I've found out one thing, it's that the memories of eating wonderful food don't really stay with me, and something delicious is not consistently delicious. There's been a lot of "This place has the best food ever!" and then suddenly they don't anymore for whatever reason. So I don't really keep it with me. Not that I'm ungrateful, it's just that I always want to taste something great now instead of thinking about it. It just doesn't stick.

I drink whole milk. Well, not drink. I don't really like drinking milk, except the odd strawberry milk ever four or five years. Mainly I use milk when I'm making pancakes or eating cereal, and in both instances I like whole milk.

22: Which continents have you been on?

North America, born and raised. I've been to Japan, which I guess is part of Asia but technically an archipelago. And Guam is the biggest island in the Micronesia chain. And Hawaii is a chain, too... So, no other continents, but a number of islands.

23: Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories?

I do, sometimes. No horror stories, really, but I do stay off of roller coasters.

24: Backpacks or satchels?

Whatever's handy.

25: Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants?

No on the first two. I stick to my muted grays and charcoals and olive greens and the occasional splash of blue. I have worn checkered pants, actually, when I was a kid.

26: What was your favorite cartoon growing up?

G.I. Joe.

27: If you had to have a cow or a pig, which would you take? Why?

Like, to own and care for? Can I have one of those cute potbellied pigs?

28: If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be?

Chicago.

29: Longest plane ride you’ve ever been on?

I can't remember which was longer: LA to Hawaii, or Hawaii to Guam. One of those was 7 hours.

30: The latest you’ve ever slept?

There have been occasions where I've slept past noon, but never past one. And those times I was sick.

31: Would you buy a sweater covered in kitten pictures? Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free?

I wouldn't buy one. Would I wear it? Yeah, probably not.

32: Do you pick at scabs?

When I was little.

33: Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto?

I don't care for beans, except in chili, and even then...

34: How far can you throw a baseball?

I don't know how far I can throw it now. I could throw it past the shortstop when I was a kid, but we usually played with tennis balls because they were cheaper and everyone's mom had them in the garage.

35: If you had to move to another country, where would you move?

I don't know for sure, but I think about it a lot. I think about Canada, England, France... but who knows? I also think I'd like to just live on a beach in a shack sometimes.

36: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Vietnamese? Korean? Nepalese? How was it?

No, I've never had any of those. Not even sure where I'd get them. DeKalb is small, and mostly it just does Chinese and Indian and Thai.

37: Small, liberal arts school or public university? Why?

I graduated from a state university. I don't really care either way, I think they're both pretty useless debt factories.

38: A relationship with love or one with sex?

No, I don't play that game. You need both or what's the point? But of course love is more important because love means so many different things.

39: Do you eat enough vegetables?

Probably not.

40: Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers?

Well, they're just genres, and there are good movies in every genre. And terrible movies.

41: Would you scratch a crotch itch in public?

Honestly, it depends on how bad and immediate it is.

42: Do you swear in front of your parents?

Depends which parent. My Dad only occasionally, but in front of my Mom, all the time.

43: Coolest thing you’ve ever been for Halloween?

Mer-Man from Masters of the Universe or Shipwreck from G.I. Joe. I just thought they were so cool when I was a kid because I got to wear real clothes and/or masks instead of those silly smocks.

44: If you could change your natural hair color, would you? To what?

No, I'm good. It'll go whenever it wants. Or I'll chop it all off. I've just chopped it all off for, what, the fourth or fifth time, so I'm not really that into doing stuff with my hair. It's just hair.

45: Do you want to get married? Have kids?

Well, I'm already married, and I don't really feel capable with kids. I read an article about how that makes me selfish, not wanting to have kids, but frankly we just got on food stamps, so if it makes me selfish to not have a baby I can't afford to take care of, what the fuck ever.

46: Do you use a reusable water bottle? If not, you should.

No I don't, preachy.

47: City or nature person?

I like where I am now, which is sort of right in the middle of city and nature. I know it won't stay like this forever; it's getting more and more built up. But this is sort of my ideal; not too crowded but not too far away from cities. Unfortunately, most people like that, which is why it keeps moving further and further out; yuppies love to get away from things, but then they need things and bring them with them and eventually the smaller towns become cities in their own right, and people move further, but then they're pissy when they can't get to a Walmart faster, and then...

48: Have you ever used something other than “makeup” as makeup? (Like paint? Markers?)

No.

49: Can you walk well in high heels? Even if you’re a guy?

Dunno.

50: Post 5 awesome things about yourself. BRAG AWAY!

I'm curious. I'm open to change. I'm surprisingly helpful. I'm not a dick about correcting people or explaining their jokes. And I'm getting better at keeping the household... well, not neat, but not a shambles.