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Dear Abby: When my daughter was 20, she met a guy who showered her with roses one minute and
beat her the next. She stayed, thinking she could change him, and became pregnant.

On her 21st birthday, she tried to get away. He chased her up the road and went to punch her in
the stomach. When she turned to avoid the blow, it landed, hitting the unborn baby in the head and
killing it.

Once an abuser, always an abuser.

I hope that all women in abusive relationships will see this letter. My daughter is fine now,
married and expecting. I pray for the women out there who are going through what she did.

— Pennsylvania Mom

Dear Pennsylvania Mom: I’m glad you wrote because your letter reminds me that it has been some
time since I printed the warning signs of an abuser. Here they are:

• Pushes for quick involvement: Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by
anyone.” An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

• Is jealous: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from
going to work because “You might meet someone”; checks the mileage on your car.

• Is controlling: Interrogates you intensively about whom you talked to and where you were if
you are late; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

• Tries to isolate you: Keeps you from relatives and friends; accuses people who are your
supporters of “causing trouble.” The abuser might deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent
you from holding a job.

• Makes others responsible for his or her feelings: The abuser says, “You make me angry” instead
of “I am angry,” or says, “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.”

• Is cruel to animals or children: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also might expect
children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper)
or might tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partners will also
abuse children.