Wednesday, October 26

Well here we are. At the end of my second trimester and the beginning of my third. I'd call it the light at the end of the tunnel but I was told that verbiage is too graphic (oh my) so I'll just say that there's three short months left. I feel like such a pregnancy documenting failure. I really have stopped writing things down. And I figured out why the other day.

I'm still a bit in denial about the whole thing. Partly because I feel like I have no idea how to be a mom outside of the stereotypes of moms and I don't feel like those fit me. I'm having a bit of an identity crisis people. Can I still be me and be a mom? Or will everyone instantly view me differently? These are uncharted waters for me. I'm still me. Promise.

The second reason is because I realized that I'm terrified that something will go wrong or be wrong so I find myself not attaching to the idea of a son quite yet. I'm afraid if I get excited about some aspect of it that aspect will somehow be broken and I'll end up heartbroken over it. I know that's slightly ridiculous. Welcome to the crazy, my friends.

I'll also go ahead and say it, because no other pregnant women ever seem to... I feel fat and ugly, all the time. Which is precisely why there haven't been weekly photos. Other pregnant women miraculously only gain weight exclusively in their bellies, apparently my body missed that memo. I have no idea what my body thinks it's doing but for some reason it has decided to store all extra baby birthing weight in my neck, cheeks, arms, and thighs. I'm avoiding wearing blue for fear of looking like that girl from Willy Wonka that expanded into a blueberry. Mirrors make me sad. And I've looked around online and it seems like every other woman just marvels at the changes in her body but I'm having a hard time getting there, especially when I know I have three months left for it to get worse. This isn't a call for compliments, I'm just sharing some thoughts from the last few weeks. End scene.

The last couple weeks I just haven't been feeling all that magical I guess. Maybe the magic will come back again as we get closer to the end. I've strangely stopped having baby dreams which is a bit of a tease because I really used to like those dreams and wonder if he would be like or look like my dream version of him. But no dice. My mind, instead, is all "Remember when you used to wear a size 4?" Thanks a lot mind, you're kind of a bitch for bringing that up.

But I don't want to paint pregnancy in a negative light. Because I've had, quite possibly, the easiest and least medically exciting pregnancy ever which is amazing. No morning sickness, no food aversions, no smell aversions, no heartburn, no blood pressure issues... and for all that I'm super thankful. It's going by really quickly and is fairly boring. So boring, in fact, that sometimes it's hard to remember that I'm pregnant.

Nate likes to put his head on the top of my belly because little C doesn't seem to like any weight there and will smack up at him HARD. He does the same thing if I rest my laptop there. Nate is really adorable about the pregnancy. I think he's better connected to little C than I am. But that's okay, because I love hearing him talk about it or watch him say goodnight to my stomach.

So far we can feel him move, and if you happen to look at my bare belly at exactly the right spot and moment you can see him kick (or punch, we aren't sure) me. But since I have an anterior placenta (don't I sound fancy? It means my placenta is against the front of my belly... basically creating a pillow between baby and us making him harder to feel and see) we have been told we might not ever see him roll. Also, I have not yet felt him have any hiccups. My friend Sonja told me she never felt any hiccups with her son so I don't feel worried. But it would be kind of neat to feel it. Or annoying. I can't decide.

To conclude, I figured I'd leave you with a list of the random cravings I've gone through so far in this pregnancy. (Mostly since that's one of the most popular questions I get asked.) I haven't wanted anything strange, just random mostly and they come in waves where I'll be obsessed with a particular thing for about a week and then not care so much anymore...

Tuesday, October 4

This photo was taken in the middle of my 22nd week. (A week or so ago, now.) I've read most first time moms feel their babies starting at around 16-18 weeks but because of a strategically placed placenta I haven't been able to feel him at all. Apparently the placenta is thick like a pillow and if it happens to be on the front of your belly (aka directly behind your belly button) you have to wait till your baby is bigger and strong enough to give you a punch that you can feel through the pillow.

We've had two sonograms recently and each time our son has been upside down. It's fun knowing which way he is positioned. Now I know that the little bumps I feel are actually punches instead of kicks. In other news, I'm measuring a week and a half ahead which would mean that I'm just now starting my 24th week... 6 months! Doesn't that sound like a lot?

I've been pretty much symptom-less still which I can't complain about except that I get hot really quickly so I'm over the moon ecstatic that this weekends high temperature is 81. Especially since I'll be shooting all afternoon and evening outside today and all day and night outside tomorrow. I hope that the lower temperature stick around, I'm so ready for fall!

I've only had 1 person acknowledge that I'm pregnant out in public and it's starting to get to me. Does everyone just think I'm this big? I know that I'm short so I pretty much just look like a big sphere now but still, I think that most of my latitude is coming from my belly. How could people wonder if I'm pregnant at this point? In other news, I'm ready to have my body back. I don't feel whatever beautiful glow that they (who are they anyway) talk about. I just feel gross and huge and hot and gross all the time. And the sad part is that I know I'm only going to get huger. Ugh.

The other night I woke up mid-dream with a charlie horse in my left calf. I'd never felt one before. It was a horrible way to wake up. Did you know that charlie horses in your legs while you sleep is a week 23 symptom? Now you know.

Trying to drink enough water is becoming the bane of my existence. Last visit, my midwife upped me from the standard 64 oz of water a day to 120. (That's 15.5 cups of water or 5 Camelback bottles full!) So far I haven't gotten past four a day.

This morning I caught myself almost tell Nate that today was going to be the first wedding I've shot with C and then I realized that I've shot LOTS of weddings pregnant. Being able to feel him move has made the whole thing so much more real. I feel like he's real now. It only took me 6 months. Ha.

Wish me luck. I'm a bit nervous about how long I'll be on my feet in the next two days. And if you northerners want to send some of your cool weather my way, I'd be your best friend forever.

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