Emotion Scares Men Off. Or Does It?

Recently a client told me that she gets strongly emotional in relationships, and it scares men off.
This isn’t true. It doesn’t scare off men…

It scares off boys.
Let me explain…

Many men haven’t yet reached emotional maturity. They’re not comfortable with feeling their own emotions, let alone expressing them. How can they be comfortable with women’s emotions? I call this Emotional Fluency.

(Here, I’d like to point out that this also applies to the more masculine partner in a same-sex relationship – whether male or female. For the sake of brevity, let’s take “men” to mean the more masculine partner, and “women” to mean the more feminine partner.)

When a man is comfortable with his own emotions, he can learn to hold space for you while you feel and express yours. If your man is already doing this, please acknowledge him for it. He’s probably come a long way!

Women, you can help the men in your life by acknowledging to them that they have feelings, like everyone. Help them to be OK with having feelings. Encourage them to feel their emotions and give expression to them.

Men, we need to learn to feel and express our emotions again. Too long we’ve shut them down, kept them under wraps, for the sake of appearances or “getting on with it”. Without indulging in negativity or becoming emasculated, we need to find the strength in our emotional vulnerability. Only then will we have the strength, courage and compassion to be present for our partner when she’s being her wild, unpredictable, beautiful emotional self. This is part of what makes her feminine and attracts us to her. When she feels held and loved in her most emotional moments, she will emerge from this a more radiant and loving person.

Of course, at the same time, we all need to take responsibility for our own emotions. It’s no good throwing them around at others with no self-awareness. But first, we need permission to simply BE emotional.