Oscar Madison
:
No, no, not shot him, I shooed him. "Shoo, shoo!" Then a hunter shot him, the bird fell on top of the car, and the hairpiece fell on the windshield. I hope there's not gonna be a trial, because I'd hate to repeat that story in court.

Sheriff
:
I hope you won't be offended by my saying I hope to God I never see either of you two again.

Sheriff
:
So the man is dead, and you have his wallet, riding in an antique car that's worth over $150,000. How do you think this looks?

Oscar Madison
:
To you it looks terrible. My mother, she wouldn't be all that upset.

[the Sheriff has sent Oscar and Felix away for the third and final time]

Sheriff
:
Andy, if those guys commit a triple-murder or rob a bank, just let them go.

[Felix and Oscar are arrested and having to sit before the sheriff a second time around]

Sheriff
:
So the man is dead, and you have his wallet, riding in an antique car that's worth over $150,000. How do you think this looks?

Oscar Madison
:
To you it looks terrible. My mother, she wouldn't be all that upset.

Felix Ungar
:
Look, we didn't murder him and we didn't rob him. Now, you believed us before, so why don't you believe us now?

Sheriff
:
Because I didn't expect the two of you to keep bouncing back in here like a beachball.

Sheriff
:
[to Felix and Oscar about to leave from having been released on their second arrest]
If I see you two back in here under arrest again, then I seriously will charge you with disturbing the law!