This blog records the experiences of certain individuals who identify as Qadishtu or some other form of sacred sexuality practitioner. Each entry shares the story of a session with one of these individuals, describing how they work, and the variety of experiences one can have with someone who follows this Path. Many of us have links to our own Temples/groups/websites - please follow those for more information.

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These stories are real, though some details may be fictionalized, to protect confidentiality and identities, but these are actual accounts of Qadishtu moments. Stories can be told from either the point of view of the priest or priestess or from the perspective of the client/seeker/supplicant. The point is - what do we actually DO? This blog seeks to help answer that through example. What we do is incredibly varied, depending on our individual experience, training, gifts, and inclinations, and that's why this is a group endeavor. We all have gems to contribute to the larger understanding of what it means to be Qadishtu and the significant need for this role in our society today.

Please be sure to see our Calendar of Sacred Sexuality & Qadishtu Events at the very bottom of this page!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Just Having Fun

“Can Tantra help me with erectile dysfunction?” Robert asked, as he clasped his hands and leaned forward.

This was our first session. He was an older man, with white hair and saggy muscles. His blue eyes looked at me hopefully.

“Well, there are a lot of reasons for that, so it can be complicated. Let’s start with the easiest ones first – the physical causes. Have you seen a doctor about this?”

“Yes, he didn’t find anything wrong.”

“Do you smoke?”

“No,” he answered.

“Good. Smoking will constrict the blood flow to the penis and make it harder to have an erection. How much exercise do you get?”

“Well, I don’t do very much.”

“You might try adding some aerobic exercise to your daily routine. If you have good circulation, then you’re more likely to get good blow flow.”

I continued to ask him questions about his physical health – diabetes, antidepressants, and his general health condition. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, so I moved into another area.

“Sometimes when you focus upon trying to get an erection too much, it actually gets in the way. You give yourself performance pressure. When you think to yourself, ‘I wonder if I’ll stay soft this time,’ your brain hears ‘stay soft’ and it cooperates.”

He chuckled a little. “Yes, I can see that.”

“One thing that Tantra teaches is to just stay in the moment, without an agenda of what should happen. You can enjoy the sensations of sexual touch whether you have an erection or not. If you’re working hard to have an erection, then sex becomes work, not fun. And isn’t is supposed to be fun?”

“Yes, I guess it is.”

“So let’s try a little experiment. Let me pleasure you, and instead of trying to make something happen, let yourself just have fun.”

“Ok,” he agreed. “Sounds good to me.”

As I touched him, I made sure to include his whole body, with only incidental touches to his lingam. I made my pace leisurely, reminding him from time to time to focus just upon the touch in the moment without needing it to go anywhere next. His body responded to my touch with relaxation, and he began to drift.

Soon, his penis began to enlarge. I began to focus more upon it, adding lubricant to make a sensuous slippery feel. His mouth opened in arousal and his lingam got harder.

“Oh, that feels good,” he breathed.

“Good, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Just continue to pay attention to each touch, as if you have never been touched before. Notice how it is different one moment to the next.”

I encircled the base of his penis with my thumb and fingers, trapping the blood and creating a full erection. My other hand continued to glide over his lingam.

“Oh! I’m going to come!” he exclaimed.

“Good, let yourself do that,” I purred.

His body stiffened and his face reddened as he ejaculated. Soon, he collapsed into a complete relaxation. Moments passed in silence as I continued to cup his genitals in my hands.

“Thank you so much.” He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me. “It’s been a really long time since that happened.”

“See what happens when you drop the goal and stay in the moment?” I smiled at him. “Did you have fun?”