EAT MANGURT

By Ben PopkenMay 1, 2009

Sorry guys, you just didn’t donate enough. Our tipjar, Donatetoconsumerist.com, has raised $5,639.67 so far with 392 donors. In these tough times, that doesn’t cut the mustard. We’re going to have to start taking sucking down some payola. We’ve already signed our first sponsor: MANGURT.

“You’re a man, so why you eatin’ girly yogurt? C’mon, “Key lime pie?” “White chocolate strawberry?” “Coconut Alfresco?” Fohgetaboutit! You need MANGURT! The only yogurt built for a man.

Huh, you say? How’s that work? Well, smart guy, for starters, it comes in a pint, not a teacup. Why tickle hunger with a feather when you can kick it in the face? Coochi-frickin’-coo, indeed.

And then there’s the several delicious flavors, like Wolf Bacon, T-Bone, Buffalo Stampede, and Tequila Fight Juice. Mmm, lip-smackin’.

MANGURT won’t soooooothe your digestion, or shrink your fat ass, but, in Canada, they use it as an industrial lubricant for steam shovels. So pop your girdles, spit the Barbie out yer mouth, and fork in some MANGURT! That’s right, MANGURT, the only yogurt that eats like a meal, and kills like a bear.