Day 73 -- Planning for the now

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

I've often said "When I'm thinner, I'm going to buy a great cocktail dress."
or
"When I'm thinner, I can get a better job."
or
"When I'm in shape, I'm going to run the Bolder Boulder."

We talk about how our lives will be different and better in that future time when we reach our goals.

We plan and plan for the future - that imaginary time when we are "thin" again - as if somehow we will deserve great things at that time which we do not deserve now.

Having a goal is great, and reaching that goal is always wonderful and deserves recognition and rewards, but just making it through the day is also an acomplishment, and I deserve to live my life for today and not only look ahead to some future, thin me.

I envision the future me, and she seems so far removed from the me of today that it seems almost unattainable. It discouraging to think how far away she is.

But I CAN see myself eating healthy foods and doing my exercise today. I can believe it's going to happen. I can do it, and then I can look in the mirror and see the person who met her goals RIGHT NOW. She's not a imaginary thin woman in the future.

We spend so much energy setting far-reaching goals and making virtual models, or planning our incremental goals, but do we take the time to look at who we are right now and appreciate it? I know I don't.

So, instead of sitting down in front of my computer to calculate my calorie goals for the week, or to check my progress against my goal plan, I'm going to practice karate with my son in preparation for his first adult belt test. Instead of imagining my future new wardrobe, I'm going to go to Kohl's and try on some new jeans - maybe buy a pair if they look good. No more virtual models of someone I will never become. I know how to stay on the path NOW, but I have no control over where that path will eventually lead.

I can't control the future. I can't know when I'll reach 130 lbs, or even if I will. I can control only what I do today. I need to spend some time with Myrea - not the future Myrea that I want to become, but with the Myrea who is here right now, struggling, trying, and ultimately triumphing. Because the real battle isn't out there in the future. The battle is upon us, and it has to be fought in the NOW if that imaginary future me even has a chance.