A woman was charged today with killing her 59-year-old boyfriend by striking him in the head with cans of food, the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office announced.... The felony complaint alleges Jackson used canned food as a deadly and dangerous weapon and that she was convicted in 2005 for making criminal threats.... On June 16, Jackson allegedly killed David Ruiz while he was at her house by bludgeoning him in the head with the canned foods, the prosecutor said.

You know what I say to that? It's high time we ban cans! That's right, and I've written a poem to preach my point:

Let's ban cans,'cause in the wrong hands,Cans can kill.I call it Can Violence;makes as much senseas Gun Violence.The solution,of course,is regulation,'cause a poundof interventionis worth an ounceof prevention.A grocery permitwith a can limit,and a background checkto check outshould do the trick.And no open carry,we don't wantpeople to worrythat they'll be a victimof a can to the noggin.So vote for me,I'll protect youfrom cans of peasand from lethal beef stew.