Not that you asked

Posted Friday, December 11, 2015, at 2:21 PM

Here we are up to our rear ends in the holiday season, and being in a festive mood I'm going to offer an early present to all of you conservatives out there. As you know, when Christmas comes around each year, conservatives rise up as one and claim that there is a war on Christmas. It's become a tradition with them just like the tree, the presents, and the obnoxious relatives you're forced to put up with on the big day.

Here's a news flash--there is no war on Christmas. How do I know that? Because if there was anyone out there trying to attack Christmas, Walmart and Amazon would be recruiting an army to fight them. And they would probably look for ISIS members to do the job. Anybody who threatens those guys' Christmas profits is gonna be taken out. And they won't play nice.

Anyway, since conservatives manage to ruin the holiday for themselves and their families by obsessing over a non-existent war, I've come up with a sure-win legal argument that should allow any government entity to put up a nativity scene on government property with no problems. Once they don't have that to worry about, maybe they will relax and let the rest of us enjoy the season.

I know what you're thinking. "He's no lawyer. How can he do that?" While it is true that I don't have a law degree or a license, I have taken some courses in the law, and I have written a legal brief. Besides, when I see some of the people coming out of law schools these days, I don't think they set the bar very high for graduation.

First of all, let's look at the facts. We all agree that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Even atheists and non-Christian religions accept the fact that Jesus was a real person who was born 2015 years ago. Where we disagree is when it comes down to deciding who his father was. Christians believe that God was his father, making him the only perfect person who ever lived. Everyone else says that Joseph was his dad, and he was just another person.

The key in presenting a nativity scene is to stick to the history and leave the religion out of it. You can't have any angels hovering overhead or a halo around the baby's head. Then, instead of a religious display you have a depiction of an historical event that we all agree actually happened and is the basis of the holiday we call Christmas. Presented that way, it would be very difficult for someone to claim it was an endorsement of religion. It would be up to each individual who sees it to attach his or her meaning to it.

Such a display on government property should be no more offensive than one of Pilgrims and Indians sitting down to a feast at Thanksgiving. Actually, that one might be offensive to Native Americans since it shows the beginning of the first real refugee crisis on this continent. Those refugees ended up killing most of the natives, relocated the rest, and took their land.

The main thing we should be thinking about at this time of year is how this season makes us feel so good about ourselves, and others. This is no time to look for something to offend you. If nativity scenes offend you, get over it. If people who don't like nativity scenes offend you, get over that too. Just try to focus on the good in your life and in this world. Besides, if there is someone out there who wants to end Christmas, Walmart and Amazon will get them.