Thursday, January 29, 2009

The future of love, fluorescent lighting, unicorns, and the planet earth (via 2012).

Today I bring you real proof that you were born in the future.

YOUR COMPUTER CAN GET YOU HIGH.

The science of brain altering binaural frequencies have existed since the mid 19th century. But recent developments have led one man to start a company distributing sound frequencies in the hopes of getting you fucking ripped.

I-Doser, a producer of binaural soundwaves that have the power of altering your mental state are making quite a name for themselves internationally as developers of a safe and high tech method of getting you high to varying degrees of intensity. These range from the light "dose" of happiness to the complete mindrape aptly titled "Hand of God".

Instructions indicate that one must lie down in a dark and quiet room and meditate on the frequencies, which sound like two slightly different, albeit very annoying high pitched ringing tones.

Allegedly, upon hearing these frequencies your brain tries to process the difference by altering its own brain waves, thus emulation the sensation experienced while high on marijuana, PCP, LSD, crack etc.

They even offer a soundbite that claims to give you an orgasm....

I used to be skeptical about how futuristic my existence was, but even George Orwell would have an episode if he knew this kind of passive computer sex was possible.

I myself am a proud owner of a Macintosh computer and am thus unable to take advantage of this digital escapism experience, (Not to mention I don't want it to show up in my brain scan with I sign up for the Space Olympics in 2011) but if this sounds like your cuppa, then I urge you to try it and report back to me immediately.