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Topic : 06/19 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin

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Created on : Friday, December 01, 2006, 03:21:00 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 12/05/06) Dr. Phil and Robin answer viewer questions! Melissa wrote in because her boyfriend, Destin, believes gambling is his right because he’s the man of the house. But Destin’s hobby caused them to lose their home, and Melissa fears that their son will grow up without basic necessities. Robin shares her own personal experience with a father who had a gambling problem and offers hope for this family’s future. Then, meet a couple at odds over whether giving their children “kiddie cocktails” will promote underage drinking and glorify alcoholic behavior. Plus, a young woman who thinks affection is “gross,” a woman who needs more romance, and a special surprise for an inspirational woman devoted to changing the lives of young burn victims. Join the discussion!

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Lose the Looser

To any viewers involved with persons who like to gamble...beware. Many people don't know or realize but gambling can be or become an addiction. You owe it to yourself to learn about this behavior - and avoid getting sucked into the troubles of a gambler. My advice is to get the book published by Gamblers Anonymous. It is a fairly simple book which is quick to read and gives real life examples of gamblers. Just like any other addictions there are triggers to their behavior - do you know what triggers your loved one to gamble? Learn them, and learn how to keep your money safe. Do it for you...and more importantly if you aren't married to this person, I advise against it...if you are married, and more importantly married with children...protect your money and your children. Children should never be taken to buy lotto tickets, or to race tracks etc. Any kind of exposure could increase their risks of becoming an addict of gambling or something else.

Learned alot

Hi Dr Phil and Robin,

I had borrowed a copy of your book Robin and learned alot about myself.

I have wondered often why I seemed to sabatoge my own relationships, and you helped bring home something my father used to always tell me, "Deb, your independance is going to scare away any man. They are just not going to be able to handle it."

Thinking about that and everything I have gone through, I realize with your help, exactly what he meant. I always kept a piece of me tucked away never to be shared, the part that makes it easy to be hurt. This had always been difficult for me to give anyone. That is until I met my current boyfriend, he has taught me alot about what love and trust really is.

In your book you show yourself as strong and volnerable at the same time, I have tried to apply some of the things you did. Let me tell you they work like a charm. I have been telling my boyfriend in no uncertain terms what is going to be acceptable to me, and we have grown closer because of it.

I have a unique situation that I have had to adapt to though. My boyfriend had been adopted when he was very young. His adoptive family life was very good for him.

In the last few years he had found his birth family, and they have for the most part, abandoned him yet again. I realize this is common in most of these situations, but it is tougher for him than he is willing to admit to sometimes. I stil see the pain and the wall he tried to build around himself to keep from hurting anymore. He continually tells me I am the only one he can truly trust and work everyday to help him know is deserves love and acceptance. In doing this he had given up drugs he used to take on a regular basis and has slowed down on drinking to only when we can afford it. The one other thing I should mention I have two small kids living with us from a previous marriage.

He still has days when all is still very difficult for him, but he is learning slowly but surely. It is my hope that with the strength of our relationship he will find strength in himself too.

I love him so much, he is a very supportive and hardworking man. Robin I think we have alot in common with respect to living with a workaholic. I too support everything he does, and only give an opinion when he asks me. As secure as he is, he still asks my opinion on things from what he wears to what I think of his business decisions he makes. He runs his own business as an restorer of antiques as well as a finisher for different pieces.

I just wanted to tell you thank you for being an inspiration to me Robin. I am developping better relationships with everyone in my life by accepting what I can't change and changing the things I can and asking for God's wisdom to know the difference.

Kiddie Cocktails?

My mom made me drink kiddie cocktails as a kid. I still love them. I dunno what these people's recipe is, but my mom simply mixed up 7-up with grenadine and plopped a cherry in it. When I turned 18 she tried to switch me to beer. Blech.Alcohol is part of my family's history, my dad's side is known for it's high alky intake, yet surprisingly, nobody is an alcoholic. It's like, just a step before. You know, casual drinking.Maybe it's cuz of my native liver, but despite living in a world of alcohol, I never ver ever got drunk. I like some of it, like Tia Maria and blue Raspberry Martinis, but it's once every blue moon, slightly more often at christmas. (I say I have an Irish tongue cuz I like the taste, but a native liver cuz I'm a total lightweight)

I think kiddie cocktails are safe, it's the kid's own persional lil drink, as long as you explain to them the dangers of alcohol.I didn't need explanation, I just needed to look at dad suffer from a hangover. Hehehe, he drinks a LOT less now, the poor dear.

Re: Gambler

Dump the gambler. You will never own anything and always be praying for your next meal. Your children will suffer greatly from this.

He is a selfish, uncaring person.

You do not need this misery. Please do not say, "but I love him". Biggest cop out in the world for not getting off your behind and making a real life for yourself. If you truly want a better life, you can do it.

I am sure the show can steer you to grants, scholarships, daycare etc, to start a new life.

People just need to relax.....

People just need to relax, invite a few friends over, have a cocktail, and engage in a friendly game of cards.... I learned how to play poker (and many other various card games) very early in life. My first lesson was when I was 7 and my oldest sister's husband won all my jellybeans (except the black ones) at Easter playing poker with him, and he ate them in front of me. By the time I was 9 or 10, I learned that if I asked for an advance on my $1 a week allowance to play "penny poker" with the family and lost it, I was out of luck and nobody was going to extend to me any additional funds. Nobody in my family has a drinking problem or a gambling problem, but we drink and we gamble. It's just not a problem. If my husband and I take a trip to the casino, we only take along what money we want to "donate to the Indians" ($50 or $100) and then when that's gone, we're done. It's just entertainment. That same money could easily be spent going to see a movie and/or out to eat in the same timeframe. I'm know that it's true that there are a lot of people that do have problems with gambling, but do you think that it may be because they have unrealistic expectations of the game? Casino's aren't as big and beautiful as they are because they like to give money away to people. And the kiddie cocktail thing is just silly. If someone is meant to grow up to be an alchoholic, they just are. And whether or not they had kiddie cocktails as a kid is NOT going to make it happen.

I am confused please help

Dr. Phil and Robin,

I am still greving over the losee of my mother and can't seem to get over it. Can you help me? I am blind and have a wonderfull Gudie dog and see also feels my stress. RIght now I live with my brother and trying to get out on my own but I can't seem to do that. I no longer have both of my parents but I did not feel the sadness that I am for my mom that I did for my father. I can't figger that one out as well. My father divorced my mother in 1989 while I was still in high school but I have so much gilty for him that I did not spend enough time with my father after the divorce. Could that be why I did not girve over my father more then my mother? My dad died fast on the gulf corse like he wanted to so his death was instence. My mother had cancer in 2004 and died that same year in May. She suffered so much in one way I am so glad that she is gone because of all the suffering that she went through. I was with her and my brother also by her side when she died. I wanted her back so bad that I even was angry at GOD for taking her away from me. I know that she is in a much better place right now but I need her down here.

About feeling that intimicy is gross . . .

I'd like to understand more about how this woman feels. I have very severe PTSD after many years of abuse, and while I do hope the 'gross feeling' eventually subsides, there is no way on this earth that I can even think about being intimate with a man at this time in my life.

SHould we let our kids drink

Dr. Phil and Robin,

I am disappointed at the parents that would let anyone under the age to drink. I believe that it does promote drinking and irresponsible behavior. Children look at us for guidance and limitations and for any parent to allow drinking at a young age should be put in jail. I grew up in a very Italian family were this was normal but I and my sibling s drank at an early age. My husband and I drink but only if we go out to dinner. There is no alcohol in my home and if my children do see their dad drink a beer or for me a wine cooler they get mad. We as parents need to set the standards and my thinking is out of site out of mind. We are adults and we should do adult things but does that mean we should also allow our children to kiss or fondle their "boy or girls" friends at a young age because it looks cute. They are children and they do not know how to make adult decisions and really don't know how far is far. That is where we as parents come in. They will have time to drink later as adults and on their time an dime not mine.

The Real Problem

Dump the gambler. You will never own anything and always be praying for your next meal. Your children will suffer greatly from this.

He is a selfish, uncaring person.

You do not need this misery. Please do not say, "but I love him". Biggest cop out in the world for not getting off your behind and making a real life for yourself. If you truly want a better life, you can do it.

I am sure the show can steer you to grants, scholarships, daycare etc, to start a new life.

Good luck.

The real problem with gamblers is that lying is a huge part of the addiction - to themselves as well as everyone around them. Unlike drugs and acohol, the signs can go undetected for a long time, especially if the gambler is the one in the household who has pretended to be the "responsible" one. Credit cards, unpaid bills, even time are easily hidden from an unsuspecting partner. I know - I am a survivor of gambling abuse.

My advice - get a legal separation or divorce from him and his habit - rescue what you can (that would not be him!)...and live in peace.