What Helps. What Hurts. What Heals.

• And Michael Jackson...did he have cancer too?

It’s hard to believe the world lost another cultural icon today.
Michael Jackson was so different from Farrah Fawcett, but he
mattered just as much, or some would say even more. It depends on
what you value, how old you are, and so many other factors.

But, in any event, Michael Jackson mattered, because, first, he
changed the world of music and dance. You can’t turn on the radio
or TV at this moment, six hours after his death, without hearing
him eulogized and remembered, again and again, without hearing his
music and seeing him dance in his inimitably fluid and impassioned
way, doing the Moonwalk and Circle Slide moves he created.

Second, Michael Jackson matters because he reminds us that fame
is not necessarily something to be envied or sought after. We, the
public, exploit stars, invading their privacy, and even though they
must certainly know that’s the price they pay for success, I can
only imagine how they must feel, living in a fishbowl. Maybe a
shooting gallery would be a more appropriate metaphor. Remember how
he tried to shelter his children from the cameras, covering their
faces with scarves and other things?

Finally, Michael Jackson matters because he reminds us that
being talented and accruing enormous wealth do not buy happiness
either. Jackson was a true artist, and he gave and gave and gave.
We gave him our money, and some gave their obsessive attention and
“love”, but as Jackson himself admitted, he was terribly lonely.
And deeply disturbed.

And ultimately, he lost his fortune. Sadly, he was about to use
his talent to try earn it back with his 50-date London
engagement.

Although Michael Jackson did not have cancer, he had, like so
many of us, a cancer of the soul, something that eats away at us.
In that sense, he and Farrah may have shared more than meets the
eye.

What a sad, sad day. What can help? Remembering. Allowing
ourselves to grieve. Grieving together.

What can heal? Knowing that there is something to be gained,
something to be learned, something to be shared from these tragic
losses.

We can always hope.

With love,
Lori

11 Comments

I am very sad about both Farrah and Michael. My husband just had
his 2 yr cancer check-up yesterday, and he is cleared for another
12 months. And I just found out another friend got his lung cancer
diagnosis and we are waiting for the prognosis. It is all so
scary!!!!But we deal with each issue as it arrives.

Living in LA is rather odd and today was one of those times. I
am treated for my cancer at UCLA. In fact I have an appointment for
infusion tomorrow morning. The facility where I get the infusion is
directly across the street from the hospital where Farrah died.
Jackson died at main campus. As my husband pointed out, it was a
good thing my appts are tomorrow as traffic was likely worse than
normal there today.

Personally, I relate to both of these people for different
reasons. I remember when Farrah's poster was in the room of every
young male in America. When I first came to LA we were so excited
to see Farrah and friends filming Charlie's Angels. (Filming is a
daily event in LA.) The picture I always have of Michael was when
he took Brooke Shields to the Grammy award. It was about 1983? They
were both so young then. All I can say is that time flies too
fast.

My mother-in-law is at the University of Michigan Hospital and
having cancer surgery at this very moment. She had cancer in her
mouth about a year ago and had surgery, but it came back. Now, it
is much more extensive and they may have to remove part of her jaw.
They won't know until they get in there. My stomach is in knots and
all I want to do is cry. I wanted to be there so badly, but
couldn't because I have a herniated disc in my back which is
severely pinching the sciatica nerve. (We live about two hours away
from the hospital.) I am having a back fusion next Monday. After
that, I will be in a back brace for several months. I don't even
know when I will see my mother-in-law again. Also, it is almost the
one-year anniversary of losing my own Mom and everything is so
fresh in my mind and heart. I just want some peace in our lives.
I'm trying very hard to stay positive and let God handle it, but
that is very hard right now. Maybe when we hear from the hospital I
will feel some better. Won't be for a few more hours, at least.
Thanks for listening and caring. Love, Joyce

Posted Jun 26, 2009 9:16am

By jazzbo

Joyce, hang in there. Even if you are so many miles away your
mother in law knows you care and I'm sure she feels your prayers
and thoughts going out to her. Just thinking of her is about all
you could do even if you were there. Keep up with your own battles
and everything else will turn out OK. Some things we have to leave
up to god or fate whatever you believe. We can't control
everything.- Good luck and God bless, John

Posted Jun 26, 2009 9:41am

By LoriHope

Penny, it must have been quite a day of mixed emotions for you.
I'm so glad your husband is clear for another 12 months - I know
that feeling; sometimes right before a scan I start putting life on
hold, just in case. I'm going to stop that. Life goes on and there
is always hope.

I'll keep your friend in my prayers. And you know how I feel
about prognoses. I hope, instead, he gets a wonderful treatment
plan!
Lor
P.S. My parents almost named me Penny - I love that name!

Posted Jun 26, 2009 9:43am

By LoriHope

Nancy, thank you for sharing those memories; they create
pictures in my mind, and stimulate my own memories. Living in LA
must be so exciting.

I hope the crowds have subsided by today; if not, perhaps you
will gain something from the love floating around.

Wishing you well, and thanking you for being a reader and a
writer,
Lori

Posted Jun 26, 2009 9:53am

By LoriHope

Dear Joyce,
I'm glad I'm up early (I'm on the west coast) so that I could read
this so soon after you posted.

This must be so hard for you, and of course you want and need to
cry, and I hope you are able to and that someone is there to hold
you. If not, know you are held in my thoughts and prayers, and of
course in the arms of God or Love or Spirit or The Mystery.

Anniversaries are also so painful, and adding that to your
physical pain and worry, I would worry if your stomach weren't in
knots.

I encourage you to turn your thoughts and prayers to healing,
and try not to wish you could have been there with your
mother-in-law. You couldn't be there physically, but are there
certainly in heart and spirit, just as certainly as I am with you
in this moment. I hope you feel that, and I'm sure your
mother-in-law feels the presence of your love.

Thank you for turning to this community for support. It's called
CarePages for a reason. John is a perfect example of why. He's so
right.
Please keep us up to date on how you and your mom-in-law are
doing.
With love and always hope,
Lori

My mother-in-law's surgery went "as expected". She came through
it o.k. They did have to remove part of her upper jaw and do some
sort of skin graft in her mouth. No decision yet on radiation. I
guess that is really hard on the jaw and Mom is almost 81. I am
trying to emotionally prepare for my surgery in two days, but not
ready for this big step. I know I have no choice, but it scares me.
I won't be able to pick up or hold my 14-month-old grandson for
several months and I have taken care of him since he was six weeks
old. I love him so much and don't want to lose the wonderful "bond"
we have. I know I am in God's hands and His Will......not mine.
Thank you for all the love and support. I don't know when I will be
able to sit at the computer after my surgery, but will try to stay
connected. This carepage site is absolutely wonderful. Love and
God's Blessings, Joyce

Posted Jun 27, 2009 10:17am

By LoriHope

Joyce, thank you so much for the update. When I was preparing
for surgery, I took the advice of someone and practiced a
visualization exercise. I saw myself on the operating table, in the
pure warm White Light of Healing, surrounded by those I most love,
living and departed, holding me in their hearts. I'll never forget
that image, and it really did help.

I'm sorry you will not be able to hold your grandson for a
while. Know that, in my mind, it isn't even possible to lose the
bond you have with him.

Even if you don't check in here for a while, we will say
connected. I hope you feel all the love and prayers I and others
are sending your way, and I look forward to hearing from you as
soon as you are able.
Lori

Posted Jun 27, 2009 11:54am

By raider

Lori: I think you were so right in mourning the loss of such a
talent. There was a lot of sadness in his life, and he seemed to be
a "poster boy" for what abuse can do to the human psyche.
Obviously, he was used....and abused by his father. I read an
article that stated that when he was a child, his family made fun
of him because his nose was the largest nose in the family. The
article went on to say that in later years, Michael was afraid he
was looking more and more like his father...and then had plastic
surgery. Who knows what is true? All you can do is look beyond all
the drama and the hype and you see an amazing talent. Beyond that
talent was a sad, lonely and disturbed man. I wish someone could
have helped him.

Posted Jun 28, 2009 3:46pm

By LoriHope

Raider, I share that wish. What a sad story, one I hope we can
all learn from. We went to see the movie, "Up" just now, and one of
commercials beforehand (yes, commercials!) was for a new reality
show on the Cartoon Network - hosted by a boy who looked about 10.
He reminded me of Michael Jackson, and I felt afraid for him, and
what he could/might become.

I started writing something else about Michael Jackson, but am
hesitant to continue the media circus.

Thank you for sharing that about MJ's nose and father. Parental
messages cut deep and can lie deep within for a lifetime. I wish
he'd had better friends - or the best therapist in the world. But
who knows, maybe they tried to help but just couldn't get
through.
Lor