Howdy my SPUF friends! As I’m sure you all know, something for Smash was announced. Now, I’m not sure if it’s a port or a new game altogether, but one thing’s for sure: we’re gettin’ new dudes! Now, some might say that based on the trailer, Squid Kid is the most likely candidate. HOWEVER, I, LordAIDS Monkey,disagree! I have found several, more likely candidates for this game, (using a scientific algorithm of my own design), which I am now about to share with you! Remember, this list is not an opinion and is in fact, fact. So no arguing with any of it! And now, without further ado, I present to you the Definitive Smash Switch Candidates Tier List!

The DEFINITIVE Smash Switch Candidates Tier List!

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10. Captain Toad (Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker)

Kicking off the list, we have Captain Toad, the famed treasure tracker of legend! You may wonder why this guy is so likely to be added, and I'm gonna tell you why! Good ol' Toad has been a Mario staple since day one, and now he's got his own game! That's a lot more than that Rosalina bitch can say! He'd all sorts of wacky attacks, like throwing stars at you and slapping you with a pick axe. He'd also REGULAR Toad powers, like being the best! His dangerous arsenal would be balanced by his lack of being able to jump. For you see, Toad's too fat to get off the ground! But he isn't too fat for Smash, unlike a certain someone...

9. Wolf (Star Fox 64)

Another character who is quite likely to be added is Star Fox's own Wolf O'Donnell! Now, if you know me, you know that I don't exactly approve of furries. But this furry is a-ok in my book, and is by far the coolest character in all of Star Fox! (Other than maybe Slippy.) I don't think I'd need to go into detail about what sorts of attacks he'd have, because he was in Brawl already, and was WAAAY cooler than Fox and Falco! Heck, I'd say it's quite likely that FALCO gets cut, and replaced with Wolf, as it should have been from the start!

8. Viridi (Kid Icarus: Uprising)

Personally, I find Viridi to be rather annoying. By golly, I just wanna punch her every time she opens her mouth. And, if she were to say, be put in Smash Bros., I'd FINALLY get a chance to do just that! But that doesn't mean I hate Viridi, in fact, I think she's kinda cute! I'm sure that with just the right amount of Sakurai Bias, Viridi has a highly likely chance of being in the next game! Being a Goddess, she can do all the things that Palutena does! But unlike Palutena, she'd hopefully be decent in battle, using all sorts of nature powers! (Maybe she can steal Dark Pit's spot?!)

7. Nintendog (Nintendogs)

Nintendog, as silly as it sounds, is actually very very likely to be upgraded from an assist trophy and made into a playable character! Now why do I think this? Remember, I used a scientific algorithm! It's gonna happen. Anywho, some non-believers may claim, "We can't have two dogs in Smash Bros! The Duck Hunt Dog is plenty!" You see, my friends, we all know that the Duck Hunt Dog is on the chopping block! With that spot freed, Nintendog would fit quite snugly in the game! Nintendog's arsenal would include all sorts of strange attacks, like flinging himself at you with a rope, and taking a shower!

6. Guzma (Pokemon Sun and Moon)

We have plenty of characters from Pokemon already, but we have yet to have a character who isn't actually a Pokemon! (Pokemon Trainer doesn't count!) So, it only comes to reason that Guzma is almost definitely going to become playable! Why Guzma over any other character? Well, because Guzma is by far the most popular character, and he isn't a slouch in battle, unlike a certain other wimp! Guzma would have many dangerous attacks to watch out for, using his street smarts and rough-and-tough attitude to stop anybody who gets in his way! His Final Smash would be unleashing his ultimate Z-Move upon anyone unfortunate enough to get hit by it!

5. Anna (Fire Emblem

I've never played a Fire Emblem game, but I do know that characters from it have a pretty good reputation for getting into Smash Bros. We've got, like, eight of them right now, and I really think that we'll be receiving a couple dozen more in the coming Switch Release. As for now, we can't be quite sure of which characters to expect, but my algorithm says that Anna is the most likely one by far. From what I can tell, she'd be another swordfighter, and like Marth and Roy, her blade would have a sweet-spot! Right smack dab in the center of it! Other than that, she'd be pretty much identical to them and Lucina, aside for a few other minor changes!

4. Car (Rally-X)

All evidence points to Namco receiving another rep. I mean, Namco pretty much made SSB4, so they really deserve another one! And what better representative for Namco than the car from Rally-X? This rad dude would be quite dangerous on the battlefield, being able to drive around at unrivaled speeds while also being capable of laying down some nasty smoke screens that will stun enemies. He'd have a unique gimmick where he requires gasoline to unleash his powerful attacks, and he must stop and refuel every now and then! His Final Smash would be summoning a swarm of the EVIL RED CAR who will track down any enemy and make sure they suffer!

3. Ralph (Wreck-It Ralph)

Now, we all know Bowser made an appearance in Wreck-It Ralph, so it only makes sense that Ralph would make an appearance in a game with Bowser in it! And what better game for that than Super Smash Bros.?! Ralph would be a very dangerous character in battle indeed, unleashing many quick and powerful punches! However, to balance this out he wouldn't be too quick on his big, stupid feet. Ralph would also be able to throw all sorts of projectiles based on the world of Sugar Rush, such as Cherry Bombs and Sweet Seekers! This silly dude would be a perfect fit for Smash Brothers, and it's a mystery why he wasn't in the game from the beginning!

2. Lanky Kong (Donkey Kong 64)

Donkey Kong is in some serious need of some more representatives, and unfortunately for all you King K. Rool Losers, Lanky Kong is by far the most likely one that'll make the cut! And you know what, I'm fine with that! He's already got a huge set of possibilities in his moveset, including the fact that he can handstand when he needs to, and stretch his arms out just for you. Along with those things, he can also inflate himself just like a balloon in order to reach new heights! He'd also be able to do a lot more than just those things. But I'm too lazy to think about it too much.

1. Minion (Despicable Me)

This is one that I'm not exactly thrilled to tell you about, but based on all the evidence, the chances of Minion being playable in Smash Bros. is overwhelmingly high. Let's look at the facts. In 2016, Nintendo and Universal became buddies, and Universal's theme parks are making a Nintendo Land. Obviously, the Nintendo Land is just a convenient side effect of Nintendo's REAL devilish plan, which is to get Minion in Smash Bros.! With this deal, Minion is a shoe-in to make it into the next game, bringing all sorts of gadgets with him like a Fart Gun, Freeze-Ray, and Lipstick Taser! As much as I hate to admit it, I look forward to Minion's inclusion!

So now we all know who to expect for this all new, mysterious Smash Switch game. Some of these may have been shocking to see, but now when the game comes out, you can tell all your friends about how YOU ALREADY KNEW aboutall the characters who'd be included. You'll become the coolest person on your street, that's for sure! Anyways, that's all for today, stay tuned for more wild and wacky stuff in the future, as well as more truly magical lists! But until then, this is LordAIDS Monkey, signing out!

Rosalina ain't a goddess, silly! But Palutena sure is! Also, she doesn't take care of orphan baby stars! She sends them to fight to their death! If you wanna talk about characters who take care of their babies, look no further than the Duck Hunt Dog! If his baby dies, you can bet that he's gonna go down with it. But, in your defense, she's not as bad as Olimar! That heartless bastard's entire character gimmick is killing his little carrot babies and plucking out new ones!

Heya, pals! I’ve been playin’ some TF2 lately (the only game I’m any good at), and I couldn’t help but notice that a bunch of the players have really bad taste in fashion.But that’s ok, because I, LordAIDS Monkey, am here to show you all how it’s done! Yes, today I’d like to share with all of you the BEST TF2 COSMETIC LOADOUTS OF ALL TIME! Yippee! I will share with all you good folks FOUR amazing loadouts for each class, so that you too can play TF2 in style! Here we go!

Scout!:

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Starting off with an old classic, I present the GIBUS VISION loadout. I know what you’re thinking, “That loadout really sucks!” But keep this in mind... So does Scout! What better loadout to represent the Scout’s personality than this heaping pile of crap?

This is a loadout that I like to call, “Scout the Brony.” You can wear whatever you want with it, but the faggot pony head is mandatory!

In contrast with the LOSER Scout Loadouts above, we have the all-powerful Steampunk Scout! He’s a mighty warrior from the distant future who vanquishes his foes with his Sword of Might! Woah, if only the real Scout was this cool!

And finally, we have the Scout’s BEST Loadout, based on the hit tale, Scout’s White Smissmas! With this loadout, you can spread the holiday cheer, at any time of year! “Huhuhu! I’m just like Jack Frost!”

Soldier!:

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Everyone knows that garden gnomes are totally hip, but did you know that garden gnome soldiers are even hipper? Well, they are, so this here is one of the hippest Soldier loadouts known to man!

This awesome loadout transforms the Soldier into Sitting Deer, the Native American Chief! Cool! His tribe is known to go out and kill Scouts. Even cooler!

Everybody knows that Robo-Soldier is basically the best loadout ever. But if you don the box of power, then you must equip the Righteous Bison. Yuck. It’s totally worth it, though.

I don’t really know what to call this loadout, but it looks hella cute. Probably the best Soldier cosmetic set available on the market!

Pyro!:

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Ah, now here we have one of the most perfect Pyro loadouts ever! Ever wondered what Pyro looked like without his mask? Well now you know!

This loadout is pretty much so perfect that I’m just gonna copy and paste it with different hats. Here we have the Mushroom Man variant.

This is the Alice in Wonderland version of the Perfect Pyro. Awfully cute indeed, but watch out for the FLAMING AXE! What’s that, you say? The SVF sucks? No it doesn’t!

To wrap up Pyro’s loadouts, we have the Man-Child.

Demoman!:

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This loadout is sure to bring out the inner Thanksgiving in all of us! Merry Thanksgiving, everybody! Slap the spirit into your enemies with a Thanksgiving Ham!

With this spunky loadout, you can show off how GOOD you are at TF2 by becoming the king! Whoop-dee-doo!

Or if you prefer, you can dress up as a drunk asshole. Because that’s what Demoman is. A drunk asshole.

But why dress up as any of those silly things when you can be just Demoman? He’s already perfect, so why waste your time with cosmetic fluff?

Heavy!:

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This loadout is pretty neat-o if I do say so myself. With it, you become the wise old Heavy storyteller! Now that’s pretty cool!

If this type of crap is good enough to win every Saxxy ever, then, by God, it’s good enough to be amongst Heavy’s best cosmetic sets!

This loadout transforms Heavy into the Good Fairy of the Forest! Everyone in the server will envy your sick taste in outfits the second you put it on!

This is just another one of those loadouts that just looks plain cute. Bonus points because Heavy supports the Shark Rights Movement! Save the Sharks!

Engineer!:

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“Look everyone, it’s Captain Toad, the famed treasure tracker of legend!”, is what everybody will say when they see you in this spiffy outfit! You can complete the awesome look by unbinding your jump key!

Ah! Get that awful thing away from me!

Now this here’s a pretty good one that’ll wow all your friends. It combines two of the cutest things of all time. New players and fat people. D’aww!

This is a loadout I like to call “The LordAIDS Monkey”. Isn’t it just the most precious thing you ever did see?

Medic!:

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This Medic just looks plain MEAN! He’s got a crooked cap and a bloodied bird! Sure signs of someone who’s up to no good! Nevertheless, it’s one of the best Medic loadouts ever, so I suggest you get one just like it!

With this costume, you can transform the Medic into Rad Vlad, the meanest vampire around. I only see one flaw with this loadout, and that is the fact that he doesn’t have a Blutsauger. Whoops!

This loadout is good for all you edgy folks out there. Medic, the Evil Witch-Doctor Witch! He’s not one to be messed with...

But this one is my personal favorite! Look at how cute he looks! He’s got a condom on his head!

Sniper!:

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I don’t really like Sniper, but I do like this snazzy get-up! But seriously, the Professional’s Panama is a pretty trash tier hat. Don’t wear it. Unless you wanna wear a Marxman or All-Father!

This loadout is quite fantastic for a number of reasons. My reason for liking it so much is because I have a friend who wears the exact same thing, who always gets mad whenever I wear it! Muahauaahauahuahauhau!

Of course, you can never go wrong with Croco-Sniper, one of the oldest and most beloved loadouts of our time!

This is actually the best Sniper loadout. It may not look like much, but it does a good job of angering the enemy! It’s very effective, so get out there and use it!

Spy!:

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I don’t really know why I own such a nasty green hat, but I reckon that it completes this fantastic Spy quite nicely! What a lovely little set!

Holy smokes! I never knew that you could make any class be so cute with just a Marxman and a bucket of Salmon Paint, but look! It’s happened again! What a cute little Spy!

This is only here to remind us that, of the fifty-bajillion fedoras that Spy owns, the Fancy Fedora still reigns supreme. Actually, it’s the only good one, and you’re a chump if you accept any substitutes.

And here we have it folks, the pinnacle of all TF2 cosmetic sets. Not just for Spy, mind you, but this is THE BEST TF2 LOADOUT OF ALL TIME. “Why?” You may ask. Because it has a snake. Also, that scary skull and antlers just look so cute together.

Now you know which cosmetic sets you need to hurry up and get! Make it quick, before the trading community notices just how perfect these sets are! Because when they notice them, they’ll be sure to inflate the prices! Anyway, that’s all for now! I hope you all love these wonderful sets as much as I do. If you don’t love them, then you’ve clearly got a bad taste, and are probably some kind of Ear-Bills loving punk! Bye now!

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(I apologize that everything is in bold! I copied it from a word document, and I couldn't un-bold it unless I removed the pictures, but there was no way I was gonna put them back in by scratch! No way, no how!)

Wait just one minute! Why the heck would anybody in the right mind watch a 15 minute video about some wacky waifu playing a videogame? I mean, it's better than watching a 15 minute long video about that Pewdy fella', but this is still absolutely unacceptable in my book! The entire idea of this stuff existing is funny. But not so much in a good way. Yikes! But I won't judge none, because I have my own wacky interests that shall not be mentioned.

Me? A painter?! Certainly not!! This was my greatest artistic achievement, and it ain't much. Never in a million years will I be able to create art to accompany a ranked list! (I probably will eventually. Shhhh!!)

Hello all! It has come to my attention that a very large majority of you, my SPUFFY Friends, are really into monster girls! (You bunch'a freaks!) Thankfully, I'm not one to judge all that much, and in fact, I have come here today to give you guys an official ranking of all sorts of monster girls! Consider it a fantastic dating guide for all things monster girls. (I'm an actual expert, with a degree in Monstergirlology.) That way, those of you who insist to fawn over a magical creature at least do so properly! Here we go, I present to you all, THE DEFINITIVE MONSTER GIRL TIER LIST!

The DEFINITIVE Monster Girl Tier List!

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15. Horse-Girl

The anatomy of Horse-Girl is totally whack. Like, what the heck's going on here? She'd got too many limbs, and that frightens me just a bit. On the bright side, she can get you from point A to point B!

I really don't like any formof Cat-Girl. She's just not all that cute!

12. Insect-Girl

Did you know that Insect-Girl is actually the largest sub-class of girl? There are over 91,000 species of Insect-Girl! Unfortunately, most of them are pretty nasty little buggers!

11. Succubus-Girl

Succubus-Girl is a nasty little bitch. She will never truly love you, but there's no shame in loving her! Love away!

10. Dragon-Girl

It's a well known fact that dragons are cool. That means that Dragon-Girl is also pretty cool, and also pretty-pretty! Does this mean that Dragon-Girl is the best? No. Absolutely not!

9. Elf-Girl

Basically just a Regular-Girl who's smaller, has pointy ears, and lives in the forest. Unless we're dealing with the jolly variant. Then they live in the North Pole.

8. Dullahan-Girl

This type of girl is one who is not to be trifled with! An evil-ancient-headless-warrior-girl who may or not wield an ax. Stay on this one's good side, however, and she gives pretty good head.

7. Fairy-Girl

Fairy-Girl is fantastic because they can grant all sorts of wacky wishes. Could you wish for her to be your girlfriend? You could try! (Disclaimer: Not all variants of Fairy-Girl are WISHMAKINGFairy-Girls! Only the good ones are.)

6. Spider-Girl

I'm afraid of Spider-Girl! But Spider-Girl is simply misunderstood! Just try to get passed the fact that she's a SPIDER, anf she's a fantastic choice for a girl! They also have great taste when it comes hugging a Toohoo!

5. Were-Wolf-Girl

Were-Wolf-Girl is just like any other Regular-Girl, only Were-Wolf-Girl has a terrible secret. She is a very good girl as long as the moon isn't full. That's awesome! But on a full moon shebecomes a furry. That's less awesome.

4. Plant-Girl

In my professional opinion, Plant-Girl makes a very good choice for anybody, as she simply photosynthesizes, meaning she does not need you to cook for her. Logically, this means that SHE has to cook for YOU! Yay, Plant-Girl!

3. Ghost-Girl

Ghost-Girl is like a Regular-Girl who died a premature death, and must now forever walk this world. It sounds depressing, and it is. Fortunately, you can brighten Ghost-Girl's day with a little lovin'.

2. Fish-Girl

Fish-Girl just wants to be a part of your world. She's plenty cute, but she also smells like fish. Also she is stuck living in the water. I reckon that Fish-Girl is still worth anyone's time, though!

And now you all know which monster girls are the most acceptable to have the hots for! Please bear in mind that, like all my ranking lists, this list is indisputable by nature. Any attempts at arguing it will be met with heavy criticism. That being said, if you like a Monster Girl who didn't make the cut, then it's time to get an upgrade. I suggest Insect-Girl. There's plenty of her to go around!

Did I actually typo "kiss" instead of "kill", or did I get stealth edited by a mischievous mod? Either way, I think I'll keep it like that because I found it funny. Also, the mercs are totally good, and they can beat a succubus any day!

Shooty. Not only has my humble thread been de-railed, but I also have no clue what's going on! To make matters worse, your response must have been pretty clever to have gotten that rep, yet I still don't get it. Such as sad time to be me! And to top it all off, the forums are broken yet again!

(This update post, in a true Valve fashion, was DELAYED. It was originally supposed to be for Valentine’s Day! Keep that in mind, friends!)
Howdy there, my SPUFpowered friends! It is I, LordAIDS Monkey, here to share with you all yet another exciting TF2 update, because I love you all! That’s right! I love each and every one of you! (Except you, Scout!) Anywho, I know that Valentine’s Day has already passed, but I think it’s always a good time to share both love and TF2 Update Ideas! Today I’d like to introduce the MATCHMAKING UPDATE...! Wait, whaddya mean there’s already a Matchmaking Update? Oh well, let’s just forget about that atrocity and pretend it never happened! Allow me to present the backstory for this weird and wacky TF2 Update, The BETTER Matchmaking Update.
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Here’s the tl;dr version for you people that have better uses for their time: The Scout gets rejected by Miss Pauling and meets a magical fairy who fuses the RED team and BLU team together.
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Yikes! Now that’s a real doozy of a backstory for a real doozy of an update! With the mercenaries all fused together, the only logical plan is to seek the wicked fairy out, and kill her in hopes that her death will reverse the spell! Unbeknownst to to the mercenaries, The Matchmaker is actually PART SUCCUBUS, and is far more evil (and lovely) than they can even begin to understand, for her evil plan is to fuse folks together in order to harvest their souls twice as fast when it comes to intercourse! How mean! Anyway, using Scout’s lust as a dowsing rod, they are able to locate The Matchmaker’s evil home of love, and the new map of this update!
The new map would be called Lovey-Dovey Fun-House, and would be the home of an all new game mode, called ‘Infiltration Mode’. The objective would be to battle your way through The Matchmaker’s lair, fighting off her many minions. The minions are all just bots, and must be defeated in order to advance to the next room. The rooms would start out very lovey-dovey, but get progressively more sinister and challenging as you advance, up until the moment where you reach the final room, where THE EVIL MATCHMAKER AWAITS, IN HER TRUE SUCCUBUS-FAIRY FORM! (Which is undeniably sexy, as long as you’re into succubus girls, you buncha freaks.)
The Matchmaker's Evil Throne Room. Yikes!!
Once you reach The Matchmaker’s throne room, an exciting boss battle begins! And who might this boss battle be? If you need me to answer that question, then you’re officially a dumbass! Don’t be fooled by The Matchmaker’s good looks, because she’s quite NASTY in battle, (and in bed.) Yes, she’d be the most challenging boss in all of TF2 history, because in order to beat her, you’d need to have TEAM COORDINATION! And God knows nobody in this game has that. She’d have a variety of many dangerous attacks. One particularly devastating attack would be drawing you toward her with an alluring force, where she will then suck your soul out. There is no escape, unless a teammate melee hits you out of your trance. She’d also have an attack where she FUSES you with a bomb, (much like Merasmus does with his bomb heads). The only twist here is that the bomb explosion can damage teammates! So in order to save your team, you must run into The Matchmaker, leaving her stunned for a period of time. She’d have many more attacks that would require team coordination to successfully avoid, such as sucking you off ‘till you explode.I Indeed The Matchmaker is not an enemy to be trifled with!
Once The Matchmaker is defeated, huge demon arms reach out from her fireplace, dragging her back to the depths of Hell from whence she came. Don’t worry, though! I’m sure she’ll be back some other day, because I sure do love to reuse my update villains for sequels that nobody asked for! (*cough* Smissmas Dinosaur *cough*). After her defeat, her magical fusion spell reverts, and all the players in the server are randomly assigned to either RED or BLU. This is where the bloodbath occurs, where there is a final death-match between the two teams, where the winning team gets all sorts of wacky achievements! Including the all new F2P achievement hat that you’ll learn to hate! The hat, this time, being The Matchmaker’s Magical Tiara. (She dropped it as she was being dragged to Hell.)
Everyone will hate you for wearing this.
No self-respecting TF2 update would be complete without exciting new weaponry! And this is no exception! So buckle up as I share with you a whopping THREE RESKINS and ONE “NEW” WEAPON!
And with a name like The Better Matchmaking Update, you’d expect some changes to the matchmaking system, right? YOU ARE CORRECT! With this update, you could expect to see the entirety of the matchmaking system completely removed! Hooray!
She's a scary one!.
Anyway, that’s all for today’s thrilling update. Stay tuned for more exciting TF2 update ideas, amongst other things. But until then, this is LordAIDS Monkey, SIGNING OUT!