Dr. Gray focuses mostly on sexual aspects in the relationship (as in chapters like “Sexual Confidence”, “The Joy of Quickies”, “Polarity Sex”, “Mechanical Sex versus Spontaneous Sex”, and “Sexual Anatomy and Oral Sex”) and the more basic fundamental aspects of a relationship (as in chapters like “Women are Like the Moon, Men are Like the Sun”, “Why Couples Are Having Less Sex”, “How to Rekindle the Passion”, and “Keeping the Romance Alive”). And most of the chapters do provide useful tips for keeping or igniting passion into the bedroom (or living room if that is you and your partner’s preference).

At times the advice is dated (after all, the book was published 20 years ago and lots can change in two decades), but at times Dr. Gray knows exactly what he is talking about and offers some lasting advice (after all, how much can men and women and sex really change in two short decades?).

But in the end, as Dr. Gray opines: “There is no better aphrodisiac than sex itself. The easier it is to have sex, the more you want it” (p 105). And, hopefully, you want lots of sex with that most special someone in your life, right?

The good news is that older women are the ones who enjoy sex more than older men. Dr. Gray comments on this paradox:

“As a general rule, men peak in their sexual interest when they are seventeen or eighteen years old. A woman reaches her prime when she is thirty-six to thirty-eight years old. It is similar to the pattern that men and women experience during sex. The man gets excited very quickly with little foreplay—except the opportunity to have sex—while a woman requires more time. Quite naturally, he feels that women don’t like sex as much as he does” (p 88).

One rule Dr. Gray suggests is for men to add a ‘0’ behind their usual 2-3 minute-marathon to have a clear understanding that many women need 20-30 minutes to become fully warmed to great sex and even the possibility of an orgasm (p 63). Certainly this does not mean for every man and woman, but Dr. Gray speaks about the general norm for most men and women.

“The sexual act for a woman is a process of discovering what feels good that day,” explains Dr. Gray. “She does not want her partner to follow any premeditated rigid plan. She would rather that sex be a spontaneous creation each time, appropriate to how both partners are feeling…

“She wants him to know that each time her mood may be different. She wants him to know how to discover with her what she wants. She wants him to be sensitive to her feedback that will assist him in leading her to higher states of fulfilment and pleasure.

“To do this, a man needs to know the basics of great sex and to be willing to experiment by rotating his various skills. Like an artist, he needs to be very familiar with the basic colors of sex and then experiment with how they combine to create a new work of art. Like a musician, he needs to know the basic notes and chord combinations to create a beautiful piece of music” (p 151-152).

In other words, Dr. Gray is advising men to be prepared by doing their homework on a woman’s physical composition (i.e., to know how and where to please a woman on her body), to have enough knowledge on sexual positions to keep the woman guessing (i.e., study! study!), and also to practice! practice! practice! (Not such bad advice if you ask me—men and women could all use a little more practice at love-making).

Dr. Gray continues:

“These different expressions of her sexual nature are not planned or thought out, but instead are discovered in the moment.

“When a woman has the freedom to be spontaneous, these different expressions and others will naturally come up and be expressed. When a man carefully takes the time to stimulate a woman with no expectations of how she is supposed to respond, over time she feels safer and safer in sex to do and express whatever she feels. This uninhibited sexual expression frees her to experience new heights of sexual ecstasy” (p 153).

According to Dr. Gray, men need to be patient enough to control their passions and learn to read a woman to help her open up her sexual passions in a spontaneous way. The more the man takes control and is careful to give the woman an orgasm first, the more the man and woman are able to fully explore the gratifications and pleasure of sex together. But Dr. Gray has a bit of advice on the relationship side of being involved with the opposite sex:

“Many men don’t realize why monogamy is so important,” writes Dr. Gray (and he’s absolutely right about this and what follows), “They don’t instinctively understand that monogamy ensures that a woman continues to feel special and loved. If she is not feeling loved in this way, she cannot continue to open herself to him. Trust is essential for a woman to continue getting turned on to her partner” (p 157).

Trust is key for building not only a solid relationship but also amazing sex. The more the woman is able to trust the monogamy and man in the relationship the more she is freed to open up and express her passion and desires in the bedroom (or in the kitchen on the floor).

But the problem with most men, unlike many women, is control. And Dr. Gray speaks about two kinds of control: that of the body and that of the mind:

“When I am turned on to another woman,” confides Dr. Gray, “I look down at myself and think, ‘I’m glad everything down there is working.’ Then I point in the opposite direction and say, ‘Home, James.’ This is called ‘dick-discipline!’”

And more follows, “Just by containing my sexual feelings and repeatedly directing them to my wife, I increase my ability to be turned on to her. Also by controlling my feelings when I am away from her, I have more control in sex…

“When a man can both feel his passion and control it, a woman can begin to let go of control, release her inhibitions, and start to really feel her passions. As a man learns to control his passions, not only does he help his partner reach higher levels of fulfilment, but he can also experience greater levels of sexual pleasure and love…

“When a man is in control, it means that his passions is so great that he could easily have an orgasm, but instead he holds back and gradually builds up his partner’s passion…

“When a woman is able to surrender and fully receive a man, he can easily maintain control while feeling increasing passion. When she is able to relax, receive, and enjoy his loving touch, he can last longer. He can continue giving as long as she is fully receiving” (p 159-161).

CG FEWSTON, American novelist,

with his love

Axton C., Chinese Singer/Model

The lesson from Dr. Gray is that if you give more, you will certainly get more. Try focusing less on your own passions and lusts and desires but focus on making your partner happier and more fulfilled (in both life and in the bedroom) and you just might get some benefits as well.

The truth is sex and relationship is not a one-way street in a busy construction-loaded city; it’s more of a hand-in-hand union walking beside a swan lake and when no one is around—since this is a privately owned lake park by you and your special partner—you throw off your clothes and make wild, mad love until dusk as the swans swim by with their wide, innocent eyes). Sex and relationships are a partnership, a product of two people (most of the time) working together, caring together, and loving together more and more each day.

But much like life, as well as in the bedroom (or in the shower), women want spontaneity, to be surprised, to be kept guessing, to continue to be allowed to feel the magic of life and love and romance. “A woman,” writes Dr. Gray, “feels most excited when she doesn’t know what he is going to do next [in the bedroom? in the car? in the backyard?]. Predictability is a turnoff…

“A man needs to remember that variety is very important to women” (p 145, 178).

And both sexes should remember some sage advice from Dr. Gray:

“Just as great communication opens a woman up to enjoy great sex, the possibility of great sex directly helps a man to be more loving in the relationship” (p 99). It’s a yin and yang kind of thing—you know, the sun and moon, the white and black, the one and the other.

Most women need to talk to connect while most, if not all, men need sex to connect—that’s just a fact of biology. Many women and men are simply wired differently and need to remember not only how to please themselves but how to please their partners even more. These are some of the advanced skills Dr. Gray mentions in his book.

And so we come to that time and place where an end is required (oh, how I hate endings, but these do lead to new doors and newer paths ahead), and so I will choose to end as Dr. Gray ends Mars and Venus in the Bedroom:

“By keeping the romance alive and practicing advanced bedroom skills,” explains Dr. Gray, “you can and will continue to enjoy great sex. May you always grow in love and passion and enjoy God’s special gift. You deserve it” (p 206).

CG FEWSTON was born in Texas in 1979 and now lives in Hong Kong. He is the author of several short stories and novels. His works include A Father’s Son, The New America: A Collection, Vanity of Vanities, A Time to Love in Tehran, and (forthcoming) Conquergood & the Center of the Intelligible Mystery of Being, and (also forthcoming) Little Hometown, America: A Look Back.

His novel, A TIME TO LOVE IN TEHRAN, won GOLD for Literary Classics’ 2015 best book in the category under “Special Interest” for “Gender Specific – Female Audience” and has been called a “cerebral, fast-paced thriller” by Kirkus Reviews, where it gained over 10,000 shares.

A TIME TO LOVE IN TEHRAN was also nominated for (& lost) the following 2016 book contests: the PEN/Faulkner Award, the John Gardner Fiction Book Award, the Pulitzer Prize in Fiction, the Young Lions Fiction Award, the Anisfield-Wolf Book Award, the Hammett Prize, and the Pushcart Prize. Heartbreaking, lyrical and eloquent, this remarkable novel confirms CG FEWSTON’s place among America’s finest novelists.

CG FEWSTON has travelled the world visiting Mexico, the island of Guam, Japan, South Korea, Hong Kong, Macau, Viet Nam, Cambodia, Singapore, Thailand, Taipei & Beitou in Taiwan, Bali in Indonesia, and in China: Guilin, Shenzhen, Sanya on Hainan Island, Zhuhai and Beijing. He has spent several years living in South Korea, Vietnam, and Hong Kong. He also enjoys studying and learning French, Vietnamese, Cantonese and Mandarin.

Among many others, CG FEWSTON’S stories, photographs and essays have appeared in The Penmen Review (“The Old Man in Beijing: A Christmas Carol” & “Y2K Meditations”), Adelaide Literary Magazine – from New York and Portugal (“A Day in the Life of a Guitarist”), Sediments Literary–Arts Journal, Bohemia, Ginosko Literary Journal, GNU Journal (“Hills Like Giant Elephants”), Polychrome Ink Literary Magazine, Contemporary Literary Review India (“The Girl on the River Kwai”), Tendril Literary Magazine, Prachya Review (“The One Who Had It All”), Driftwood Press, The Missing Slate Literary Magazine (“Darwin Mother”), Gravel Literary Journal, Foliate Oak Magazine, The Writer’s Drawer, Moonlit Road, Nature Writing, and Travelmag: The Independent Spirit; and for several years he was a contributor to Vietnam’s national premier English newspaper Tuoi Tre, “The Youth Newspaper.”

A TIME TO LOVE IN TEHRAN won GOLD for Literary Classics’ 2015 best book in the category under ”Special Interest” for “Gender Specific – Female Audience”… Finalist in the 2015 Chatelaine Awards for Romantic Fiction… Finalist in the 2015 Mystery & Mayhem Novel Writing Contest…

FEWSTON “delivers an atmospheric and evocative thriller in which an American government secret agent must navigate fluid allegiances and murky principles in 1970s Tehran… A cerebral, fast-paced thriller.”

“A TIME TO LOVE IN TEHRAN is a thrilling adventure which takes place in pre-revolutionary Tehran. Author CG FEWSTON provides a unique glimpse into this important historical city and its rich culture during a pivotal time in its storied past. This book is so much more than a love story. Skillfully paired with a suspenseful tale of espionage, A TIME TO LOVE IN TEHRAN is a riveting study of humanity. Replete with turns & twists and a powerful finish, FEWSTON has intimately woven a tale which creates vivid pictures of the people and places in this extraordinary novel.”

“Thus one skilled at giving rise to the extraordinary is as boundless as Heaven and Earth, as inexhaustible as the Yellow River and the ocean. Ending and beginning again, like the sun and moon. Dying and then being born, like the four seasons.”

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About the Author

CG FEWSTON was born in Texas in 1979 and now lives in Hong Kong. He is the author of several short stories and novels. His works include A Father’s Son, The New America: A Collection, Vanity of Vanities, A Time to Love in Tehran, and (forthcoming) Conquergood & the Center of the Intelligible Mystery of Being, and (also forthcoming) Little Hometown, America: A Look Back.

CG FEWSTON is a member of Club Med, AWP, Americans for the Arts, and a professional member & advocate of the PEN American Center. CG FEWSTON has emerged as a leader in literature with a seasoned voice of reason, fairness and truth while becoming your American novelist for the 21st century.

When asked in an interview why he writes and for whom, he answered: “I write for my children so that one day they will have something to read from their father.”

His fourth novel, A TIME TO LOVE IN TEHRAN, won GOLD for Literary Classics’ 2015 best book in the category under “Special Interest” for “Gender Specific – Female Audience” and has been called a “cerebral, fast-paced thriller” by Kirkus Reviews, where it gained over 10,000 shares.

A TIME TO LOVE IN TEHRAN was also nominated for (& lost) the following 2016 book contests: the PEN/Faulkner Award, the John Gardner Fiction Book Award, the Pulitzer Prize in Fiction, the Young Lions Fiction Award, the Anisfield-Wolf Book Award, the Hammett Prize, and the Pushcart Prize. Heartbreaking, lyrical and eloquent, this remarkable novel confirms CG FEWSTON’s place among America’s finest novelists.

CG FEWSTON has travelled the world visiting Mexico, the island of Guam, Japan, South Korea, Hong Kong, Macau, Vietnam, Cambodia, Singapore, Thailand, Taipei & Beitou in Taiwan, Bali in Indonesia, and in China: Guilin, Shenzhen, Sanya on Hainan Island, Zhuhai and Beijing. He has spent several years living in South Korea, Vietnam, and Hong Kong. He also enjoys studying and learning French, Vietnamese, Cantonese and Mandarin.

While in Vietnam, CG FEWSTON was also founder and owner of Bumblebees Childcare and Kindergarten, bringing quality and premium education to thousands of children in need.

Among many others, CG FEWSTON has contributed several short stories, photographs and essays to The Penmen Review (“The Old Man in Beijing: A Christmas Carol” & “Y2K Meditations”), Adelaide Literary Magazine – from New York and Portugal (“A Day in the Life of a Guitarist”), Sediments Literary–Arts Journal, Bohemia, Ginosko Literary Journal, GNU Journal (“Hills Like Giant Elephants”), Polychrome Ink Literary Magazine, Contemporary Literary Review India (“The Girl on the River Kwai”), Tendril Literary Magazine, Foliate Oak Magazine, Prachya Review (“The One Who Had It All”), Driftwood Press (“The Boy of Eight Summers”), The Missing Slate Art & Literary Journal (Story of the Week, “Darwin Mother”), Gravel Literary Journal, Edify Fiction, Shandy Pockets, Anak Sastra, Crab Fat Literary Magazine, Dirty Chai, Nature Writing, The Writer’sDrawer, Moonlit Road, Travelmag: The Independent Spirit, and Go Nomad. For a number of years, he was also a contributor to Viet Nam’s national premier English newspaper, Tuoi Tre: “The Youth Newspaper.” In 2009, he had a Highly Commended short story “Lazarus, Come Forth!” in the Tom Howard Short Story, Essay, and Prose Contest.

Born and raised in Texas, CG FEWSTON graduated from Brownwood High School and, later, from Howard Payne University with a B.A. in English & American Literature. After receiving his first Master’s degree in Education for Higher Education Leadership and Administration (honors) from JIU in Colorado, he received his M.A. in Literature (honors) from Stony Brook University in New York where his thesis “An Unnatural Demise” was nominated for the Deborah Hecht Award. While a Seawolf, CG FEWSTON was a member of University Scholars and also the National Society of Collegiate Scholars (NSCS). He received his M.F.A. in Creative Writing and Fiction from Southern New Hampshire University, where he is proud to be a fellow Penmen.

While at Southern New Hampshire University, CG FEWSTON had the honor and privilege to work with wonderful and talented novelists, such as Richard Adams Carey (author of In the Evil Day, October 2015; and, The Philosopher Fish, 2006) and Jessica Anthony (author of Chopsticks, 2012; and, The Convalescent, 2010) as well as New York Times Best-Selling novelists Matt Bondurant (author of The Night Swimmer, 2012; and, The Wettest County in the World, 2009, made famous in the movie Lawless, 2012) and Wiley Cash (author of A Land More Kind Than Home, 2013; and, This Dark Road to Mercy, 2014). While at SNHU, CG FEWSTON also participated in writing workshops ran by Mark Sundeen, Ann Garvin, Jo Knowles, Diane Les Becquets, and Benjamin Nugent (all brave, enthusiastic and talented writers).

CG FEWSTON’s published works include:

A FATHER’S SON (2005); one collection of short fiction, THE NEW AMERICA (2007) – named a Finalist in the National Indie Excellence 2008 Awards; VANITY OF VANITIES (2011); and, A TIME TO LOVE IN TEHRAN (2015) was a Finalist in the 2015 Chatelaine Awards for Romantic Fiction, a Finalist in the 2015 Mystery & Mayhem Novel Writing Contest, and won GOLD for Literary Classics’ 2015 Best Book in the category under “Special Interest” for “Gender Specific – Female Audience”. Heartbreaking, lyrical and eloquent, this remarkable novel confirms CG FEWSTON’s place among America’s finest novelists.

Forthcoming: Conquergood & the Center of the Intelligible Mystery of Being, and (also forthcoming) Little Hometown, America: A Look Back.

“CG FEWSTON” is a pseudonym and phonetic spelling of “CG FUSTON.” “CG” is a familial cognomen handed down multiple generations. “FUST-ON” is a surname derived from the original family name of “FUST.”

The Rhineland, a German province, is the ancestral home of the FUST family. The name was derived from the Old German word “fust” meaning “fist” and was held by a person strong in nature and character as well as combative and warlike.

After the 17th century, to escape religious persecution, many Rhinelanders settled across North America, especially in Texas—which is where the author CG FEWSTON is from.

Historically, the FUSTs would emerge in the Rhine region and in Bavaria as a noble family involved in economic, social and political affairs. One of the most famous FUSTs, according to Encyclopædia Britannica, was Johann Fust (c. 1400 – 1466), who was an early German printer and the financial backer for Johannes Gutenberg, who would become the inventor of the printing press and printing in Europe. Until 1506 the name was written as “FUST” when Peter Schöffer called his grandfather “FAUST,” which is said to have inspired the story of Doctor Faustus.