A life lived in the feminine. Hear my tales.

Shattering the Partner Myth & Finding Happiness

As the holiday season plowed through, single friend after divorced friend came on to social media to post photos of their new sweethearts. There they were, smiling under a tree, out a party, or just simply hugging.

Then I heard my ex was talking to someone, but that apparently fizzled out.

Why is everyone else dating? Why am I alone weekend after weekend? Why don’t I get asked out more or at all?

That’s when I decided to look at all of these “relationships” more closely via social media spying. What info did I come back with? While some “looked” good and others perhaps just great on the surface, others seemed sketchy or relationships that certainly won’t be viable after 4 months.

And really though, what the hell do I know? Maybe each one of these individuals found his/her soul mate.

Someone told me the other day that she hopes I meet someone so I can be happy, as if meeting someone will be the only way I can be happy.

And then even further still, I told myself: How do I know how happy these people are? How do I know they’re not settling? Am I really that unhappy alone? Do I really need someone else to make me happy?

The answer I came back with is, no.

I’m not unhappy alone.

Do I miss my ex?

Yes.

Do I still love him? Sure. I probably always will to some extent, but it doesn’t work. He doesn’t appreciate me for me. He doesn’t love me for as zany as I am, and that’s okay because I love me for me. I love how zany I am.

You don’t have to find someone to finally decide to be happy. Relationships and marriages are tenuous. They can end at any time. If you rely on another person for your happiness, your happiness will constantly be in negotiation. You will constantly be on a roller coaster of “What emotion do I have today?”

Finding happiness from your own sources is where it’s at.

We have this insane “partner myth” that insists that people can only be happy once they’ve found their one true love.Disney has been selling us this BS since we popped out of the womb.

But what happens if you find this partner and it doesn’t work out? Or the partner god forbid, dies?

If all of our every being and peace is wrapped up in one person being the be-all and end all for us, we will never truly be whole.

And then of course, what kind of pressure is on that person to be the BE ALL END ALL? That’s a lot of pressure to be one person’s sole avenue of happiness.

I just got done doing a show on HuffPost Live today, and I had a blast. As I signed off, I instantly felt it: I am happy.

I love writing. I am insanely happy over being a mother. I enjoy performing and contributing to shows like Huff Post. I have friends.

My world is still turning even though the vows I made almost 6 years ago today are now null and void.

I am not waiting to be happy until some hot sex God who likes to read, talk, and feed me chocolate arrives.

I am happy today, all alone, all by myself.

And hey, that’s why there’s sex toys. For those of us who love ourselves so much, that we are waiting for the right person who sees our inner and outer beauty and accepts us for who we are, rather than settling for a “Stand in.”