Folks, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are dating. Allegedly! The man who had sex with a young blonde in a hot tub, causing his marriage to crumble, went out on the town with the Black Swan. Furniture shopping. Sushi dinner. And then a sleepover. Oddly, as they toodled around Los Angeles, Ashton drove and Mila sat in the back seat. Did she not want to be seen with him? Something to ponder. And in the meantime, you can gaze upon some Kelso and Jackie animatedgifs. [x17]

Hopefully you are sitting down, because this is some mind-blowing shit. Despite what the tabloids would have you believe, when it comes to Brad and Angelina getting married, Jennifer Aniston is — wait for it — happy. HAPPY. Not sobbing quietly into a margarita. Epic, right? Just let that sink in. One report says she might even go to the wedding. There are not enough exclamation points in the world. [Hollywood Life, Daily Mail]

Some people don't like being followed all day long, having their every moment photographed. Which is probably why the guy driving a car in which Pippa Middleton was riding pointed a gun at the paparazzi yesterday. A spokesperson says the gun was not real and the whole thing was "a stupid joke," but apparently everyone in the car could be arrested, because brandishing a weapon is a crime — even if it's not real. [The Sun, The Daily Beast]

Lady Gaga, Aries, is worried about Mercury going retrograde when she goes on tour. This story claims she is "consulting a team of astrologers," which I'm pretty sure means she read her horoscope at a couple of different websites. [The Sun]

Never let it be said that Scarlett Johansson refuses to suffer for her art. When it comes to The Avengers, she says: "Everybody on the film has their own uncomfortable costume situation. It's like 800° in mine. And it's a one-piece and I have nothing underneath it." [The Sun]

Your morning dose of adorable: Jason Segel taped photos of Michelle Williams to the back of his iPhone. [OMG!]

In other Jason Segel news, he's not writing the sequel to The Muppets: "I had what I think was a really good idea for the Muppet re-launch and I didn't have an organic idea ready for the sequel, so I thought [I should] leave it to someone who does." [Access Hollywood]

Even though she's not supposed to be going to clubs — as per the terms of her probation — Lindsay Lohan was at Coachella over the weekend. But, see, a club has booze, music and crowds of people dancing. And Coachella has, um, all of those things too. [TMZ]

Gerard Butler was also at Coachella, grinding up against a "mystery brunette." [Page Six]