Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 39

IF A GUY ASKS FOR YOUR NUMBER, CHECK HIS WALLPAPER WHEN HE GETS OUT HIS PHONE – If it’s a pic of him and a girl – it probs ain’t his sister. If he has a picture of Agyness Deyn because he likes her ‘edginess’ and not because he thinks she’s hot…well, really? Wanky alarm bells are a-ringin.

KICK UNGRATEFUL BOYFRIENDS TO THE CURB PLEASE – Like if he throws a little tantrum ’cause you didn’t buy him exactly what he wanted for his birthday, tell old mate to kindly and quietly go fuck himself. Furthermore…spoilt brats ain’t sexy…no matter what MTV may tell you.

TAKE VITAMIN B SUPPLEMENTS! – For serious homies. Alcohol depletes your Vitamin B levels and let’s be honest…we ain’t eating mounds of food with this clever little vitamin in it now are we? ‘B’ is for banging – ’cause that’s how you feel when you have enough of it. Get on to it.

DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE – It’s not big. And it’s not clever.

I DON’T CARE WHAT HE SAY’S, HE PROBS LIKES HIS ASS LICKED – I’m not tryna be all shocking and provocative here – I speaketh the truth. How can they not like that orifice serviced? It’s where their little sexy bean lives. I mean…it may not be everyone’s cup-o-tea but hey – we’re only human.

WEARING OBVIOUS COUTURE LABELS ARE ONLY COOL IF THEY’RE IRONIC – People who actually need this tip won’t really understand what I mean, so this is mabes a piece of pointless advice.