Charlie Sheen will be the subject of the next Comedy Central roast, because he's just a lovable scamp like Hugh Hefner, not a dude with serious problems. The trainwreck will film on September 10 and air on September 19. "You could say I've been providing kindling for this roast for a while," said Chuckles. "It's time to light it up. It's going to be epic." [Radar]

The misdemeanor domestic violence charge against Michael Lohan has been dropped because the court can't get in touch with Kate Major. His attorney said, "we are pleased to report that a Lohan finally won a criminal case." [TMZ, E!]

There's a limit to the Belieber's power: Justin Bieber's Vanity Fair cover was the worst-selling issue in 12 years. [HR]

Teen MomAmber Portwood suffered a head injury while in rehab and was taken to the hospital on Saturday. Her brother says she's "doing fine now and back to overcoming the issues she is facing." [Radar]

Real Housewives star Sonja Morgan may be forced to sell her $6 million NYC townhouse because she's still fighting with her ex-husband over her divorce settlement and needs cash. A source explains, "She needs the money because he's not giving her a cent more and she's now more than $7 million in the hole. She's in denial, it's only just started to hit her how much trouble she's in. She makes $275,000 a year on Housewives, which would be good for anyone else but it won't save her." [E!]

Madonna is working on a new album, and presumably a new look. Her manager Guy Oseary Tweeted, "It's official.. Madonna's 1st day in the recording studio for the new album." [RS]

Adele's vocal chords have healed and she's planning to resume her North American tour in August. [E!]

Scary: James Rainford, the man who was caught trespassing on Paris Hilton's property and assaulted her outside court in April, was arrested for violating a restraining order by loitering outside her home in Malibu. [E!]

"I feel so connected to Madonna in a lot of ways, and I feel connected to Barbra, and I feel connected to Cher and Blondie and all of the women who came before me. I worshipped them my whole life, and I would never be where I am today without all of them to inspire me. I feel so grateful that I have such strong women to look up to." — Lady Gaga [E!]

Good news: Brad Pitt has strengthened his stance on marriage equality. He says: "It is encouraging that New York has joined the movement to grant equal marriage rights to its citizens. But it is each American's Constitutional right to marry the person they love, no matter what state they inhabit. No state should decide who can marry and who cannot. Thanks to the tireless work of so many, someday soon this discrimination will end and every American will be able to enjoy their equal right to marriage." Too bad he's not a politician. [People]