I am a telepathic Psychic, i see things no one can understand or comprehend. I love Sci-fi/horror movies, Underground Industrial/EBM music and my Heroes are the X-men and all Homo-sexuals in the world, God is my savior and my main hobby is Religion and the effects of Spell Casting :)

Recently, after the Malcurian made its first V-LOG attack Michael swiftly responded by "cursing [my] webcam" insisting that "I don't even need DNA to curse." Clearly, VampiricSpektor's threats should be taken very seriously as Nolan-Kun can attest to. Despite being completely out of touch with reality Michael-Kun is surprisingly in touch with current internet trends such as making youtube V-LOGS, tweeting predictions, and being trolled.

“

I have been acused [sic] of a lot of shit in my life and being a pedifile [sic] is one of them ..... i can be very evil if i want to be."

Vampiricspektor has always been a fantastic liar on the Internet. That's right, the Internet; back when the "I" was capitalized and stood for serious fucking business. During the 56k and DSL days, a teenaged VS frequented Christian Teens:1, Goth Chat:1, and Gay Bi & Lesbian Teens:1 on Yahoo chat. There, he was a source of endless amusement to his fellow housebound losers. Although he claims to have discovered his psychic powers during this time, these two links, this one: [1] and this one: [2] evidence an early presence of his tremendous fatness on the web and prove that he was doing the same thing then that he is doing today: lying through his flaccid ass-curtains about his life, which is definitely a pathetic shitmess covered in cheeto dust... and those posts are from forums that mention lies he told in the nineties! VS probably thought the infamy he accrued during his days of constantly changing his sexuality, religion, and gang affiliation (he served as a meat shield for the Bloods, who later buttfucked him for his trouble - seriously - oh, and he shot someone and then had to join the Crips!) would eventually disappear. He did not count on someone who remembers him sharing these precious memories with ED after stumbling upon his page and having yet another hearty laugh at his expense. VampiricSpektor, AKA, Scoot, Scooter, or The Caped Fatty, will live forever, though I imagine that, sometimes, late at night, he wishes he could hurry up and die.

Post by VeLtrize on May 12, 2005, 2:34am

so how did scott find stardrops anyhow?
doesn't his computer have like restrictions or something?
oh wait, no. thats right, he was talking about getting that 'super computer' and such.
the computer just must have came preinstalled with stardrops as a bookmark.
hes fat.

Health

VampiricSpektor is not a healthy individual in any sense of the word.

Mental Health

As far as mental stability goes, Michael-Kun is at a loss. He has convinced himself that he possesses psychic abilities as well as many other magical powers that only he seems to understand or acknowledge to exist. It is possible that he is merely trolling about the "magic" stuff and is actually well in contact with the real world, but the likely explanation considering recent events is that he actually believes these powers exist and any and all incidents in which he experienced anything paranormal would be while under the influence of alcohol or some kind of narcotic drug. The only other explanation is that said powers actually do exist, in which case, we are all fucked... or maybe he is just a batshit insane fat fuck who grows more deluded (and rotund) by the hour.

VampiricSpektor's loneliness has progressed to a point at which he has invented an imaginary boyfriend for himself who he named Nolan-Kun. Although VampiricSpektor mentions him frequently, there has never been any proof that he exists. It is also apparent that he cannot be joking about his existence. According to Twitter, he waited upwards of 24 days for a package to arrive from him. Michael-Kun has obviously convinced himself that there is such an individual as Nolan-Kun.

Physical Health

VampiricSpektor's physical health pretty much reflects his mental health. He has admitted to never leaving his house except in the event of visiting a store, he frequently smokes and drinks, and the greasiness and overall untidiness of his hair would suggest that showers are a rare occurrence for him. As it is, he is in his early thirties but could easily pass for his mid-forties and possibly even his early fifties.

Obesity

Michael-Kun's obesity is easily his most obvious and possibly most life-threatening condition. Although he is almost never seen from below the shoulders, we do get a glimpse of his lower body in the buttdance video, revealing that his muumuu cannot quite cover his entire abdomen (which would leave us to assume that he walks around with his belly showing in public). Considering he is is 5-11 and is, without an argument, obese, he would have to weigh at least 215 pounds at his height to give him a body mass index of 30.0, which is the least one can have to be considered such. However, he is most certainly significantly heavier than this. Glimpses of his body would suggest he is well over 300, probably as much as 400. This is most likely a result of his lifestyle as a hermit, as well as frequent consumption of alcohol. It is unknown if he was overweight as a young boy, but this is also likely. His morbid obesity will most likely kill him before he is 50.

The Forehead Lump

Michael-Kun claims that the THE CULPRIT is a result of a bruise that definitely happened sometime last week. However, after spewing over two years worth of "content" on YouTube, THE CULPRIT has been there since the start. Either Michael-Kun knocks on doors with his head or has a serious case of the Mondays, every day. Neurologists and trolls alike gather to study the beast's anatomy, and while they are still at the early stages of understanding its more to love! body, significant progress has been made.

Medical Diagnostic

A great deal of effort and speculation has gone into identifying the horrendous, sickening, depraved, wretched, vile, despicable, afflicted, miserable and pretty gay lump festering occipitofrontal cyst adorned so gracefully by Michael-Kun. After a full CT scan with contrast has determined that the lump is thaumaturgy build-up, the blue balls of the magic world. It is caused by a massive build up of magic and miracle in the idiotiums endogland, the magic center of the brain. The only known cure for this disease is death, or That's So Raven! season 1.

Nolan-Kun, fact or fiction?

The fine authors of this article spent countless hours researching Michael-Kun and all of his obsessions during their off hours from art school. In nearly every video Michael-Kun, the hambeast, claims to be in some sick borderline pedophiliac, but definitely straight (lolwut), relationship with a supple young boy by the name of Nolan-Kun. After searching through his subscribes, comments, his twitter page where Michael-Kun clearly says he reads Nolan-Kun's tweets, there is no evidence of Nolan-Kun existing. Specifically, his twitter page which contains only six followers show no evidence what so ever of anyone fitting Nolan-Kun's description. What is this, I don't even

Currently at a loss for words on nolan-kuns email to me...i dont know weither to blush or laugh out loud xD

so nolans single now? great to know! lol

aww nolan-kuns so cute when he speaks to me, its almost an orgasm in mono-tone XD

oh holy shit, nolan-kuns tweets are so cute, im so hot for him i just wanna jack off on webcam and send it to him VIA email...however, icant (Can't find your penis?)

A sexy, single, romantic, compassionate, hotter than any other VIDEO WEB FRIENDS, erotic guy with a meth addiction? Sounds too good to be true! Or is he? Not all is chipper-dandy with Nolan-Kun, as these tweets signify:

im fucked now, this is day number 5 and no package from nolan-kun :( im getting upset >.<

im getting tired of waiting for nolan-kuns package to me....:( its been 6 fracking days! ffs!

wasted another 4 hours downstairs waiting for a the surprise package that nolan sent me, didnt come today...ugh :( next time 1st class pl0x!

i see no fans have sent me monies in paypal...come on dudes..nolans package FAILS lol xD

tryin to talk to nolan-kun on facebook but he just ignores meh..what teh hell eh heh :(

still no package...-.-

bored, still waiting for nolan-kuns package...no dice :(

still waiting for nolan-kuns package...its been 24 days and at this point i might as well give up -.-

Perhaps Nolan-Kun is having difficulty using the mail system due to the fact he is about as real as Michael-Kun's black magic and the government doesn't discriminates against man-baby imaginary characters. Still in the case that Nolan-Kun is real, holy shit man, holy shit. You'd send nudes to that Goliath online!

Remixed

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The Malcurian

From the shadows came The Malcurian to "cause capital chaos" against Michael-Kun. Although his origin is unknown it is widely assumed that The Malcurian is a by-product of Michael-Kun's skilled black-magyicks. The clever tags in The Malcurian's youtube V-LOGS ensure that when someone searched for Michael-Kun's videos Malcurian's V-LOG come up. Alerted by fail and defamation of character Michael-Kun became obsessed with the Malcurian, sparking the great magical e-war which still rages today. In the battle of student vs teacher, Michael-Kun has announced that he will not submit to cybercrime and e-bullying despite already deleting every single one of his video's once due to The Malcurian infestation, and due to Nolan-Kun owing him $15

“

The Quadratic Formula has ruptured and expired causing the Malcurian to begin to decrypt information regarding the user "VampiricSpektor". This unstable stream of data will cause infrequiencies within the YouTube feed as well as anomalies within the Malcurians place of residence. This VLOG entry has been carefully crafted to cause capital chaos. PLEASE WATCH AS THIS VLOG SYSTEM EXPLAINS SOURCE CODES OF MALCURIAN AND MAY BE USED TO ASSIST WITH THE EFFORT TO SYNCHRONIZE WITH VAMPIRICSPEKTORS OCCULT MOTIVES.

War against the Malcurian

The time was prime to put an end to the ultimate life form The Malcurian. After making a video asking the identity of The Malcurian, Michael-Kun erased all of his videos committing the ultimate youtube sepukku. Days later he returned to the youtube with a slew of new videos stating both that he was here to stay, and he would find WHO IS THE MALCURIAN ONCE AND FOR ALL.

VampiricSpektor goes Apeshit

After the recent Malcurian Video, Scott Palmer went absolutely batshit insane, compiling over 9000 response videos demanding to know the identity of The Malcurian (who he believes attempted to run him over with car), inflicting various curses on innocent bystanders, and other hilarious retaliations. He became so obsessed that VampiricSpektor created three to four videos in per day. And this was BEFORE he found the EncyclopediaDramatica article. Shit was going on now, motherfuckers. Apparently a spy secreted all of his information onto the shitstorm EncyclopediaDramatica. There was only one solution: FBI. Convinced that The Malcurian is someone named "Ashon", he pursued other helpless targets in his rage path, allowing The Malcurian time to craft it's next V-LOG update. It has promised one soon, as well as issuing a public statement to VampiricSpektor:

“

PERHAPS YOU ARE MISINFORMED FRIEND. MALCURIAN IS TRUTH, ASHON IS A CORRUPTION OF INDENTIY. MALCURIAN HAS QUITE A SURPRISE FOR YOU UNLESS YOU CONFORM TO MALCURIAN SYSTEM STABILIZATION. YOU HAVE 4 DAYS BEFORE MALCURIAN RUPTURES THE TRUTH. YOU WILL FAILS.

VampiricSpektor Goes To War With Encyclopedia Dramatica

—VampiricSpektor thinking there's a positive to being a 500 pound gay guy that doesn't bathe.

“

Guys we have won a great victory...my brother and i and my dad joined together and deleted EVERY peice of information on every site that the malcurian and Murkyurine have been on....my mission was too Delete and destroy Encyclopediadramaticas page about me...but it came with great cost....i made myself a target for hackers....Trust me...that page has been manipulated and distorted with all sorts of Codes my Friend Steve gave me...its gonna keep them occupied kekekekekekekeke XD

lets get one thing str8 here! IM NOT A FUCKING GIRL! im a guy!? Furthur more....one word from me to the those i have contacts with...and youtube and encyclopediadramatica are goin permanently OFFLINE! this is yer last warning! xD.

„

—OH SNAP

“

how the fuck do you know what my moms name is?

„

— OH SHIIIIII

“

Dangle, i dont get what yer beef is...what you are doing is slander against the law not to mention an invasion of the internet privacy act of 2008! Cease and Decist! you have 5 days to comply or i will take this worldwide...dont think im gonna do it? i will...and when i get yer information i will give it to the cyber crimes division of the FBI and my local police force! YOU FUCKED WITH THE WRONG PERSON BITCH! see unlike other people you troll! THIS VICTIM HAS BITE!

„

—Vampiricspektor Intenets lawyer.

“

Hey douchenozzle, i know yer name but i wont say cause unlike you i RESPECT peoples rights to privacy! and now that you have openly admitted too Making Clones to harrass me, youtube will be even more glad to take this one step furthur and that is banning yer IP address! look all i want is my family left out of this! fucking coward

„

“

wait...im just wondering why you guys hide behind the first amendmant i've always wondered that

„

—Vampiricspektor, directed towards ED.

“

they will not remove the page because of the 1st Amendment...FUCK THE FIRST AMENDMENT, for fucks sakes...i want them to remove the page because its the right thing to do! and im not the one butthurt here....

„

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VampiricSpektor was butthurt, and needed a man to target. Appropriately he came after Alex "Romantic" Temple with a rage in his belly rivaling the build up of rage in his forehead. Sending out his greatest minions and hackers, he managed to defile the www.LulzcastPodcast.com webpage causing great pain for Romantic.

It became apparent that victory from his battles with Encyclopedia Dramatica, while a delusion, was on his side. Alarmed by his merciless banter of serious business and dedication to hacking Encyclopedia Dramatica's webpage using super awesome secret codes he probably got through Tim's Java Tutorials and Support! page, Romantic decided it was time to enter into negotiations so that everything was not lost.

Romantic vs VS: The Negotiation

While the negotiations are still in the primary stages, Romantic refrains from comment. However, he has mentioned that VampiricSpektor requests $10,000 as well as the ED page be taken down and that Romantic counter requested to be uncursed. The Negotiations look promising and the exchange so far seems totally reasonable.

The actual agreement turned out to be that, in exchange for taking down VS's parent's dox from this article, he would cohost February's Lulz News Network video and would never make another checkmate video.

VampiricButthurt Issues Moar Pointless Threats

“

@Kessador sadly if i posted pics of the gratuitious violence on youtube i'd be flagged for it...so...sorry! yer gonna have to take my word for it! XD

On 3/15/2010, VampiricSpektor issued moar threats[3] against ED. He claims something about an Ultimatum, although it was not really clear what he meant because he is an asspie. He also stated that ED will be taken down in 48 hours and that his super 1337 H4KK0R friends will help him destroy ED once and for all. There was also some freedom of speech ranting and other random bullshit that had nothing to do with anything. He warned ED about the coming Butthurt Apocalypse that is coming from his magic spells and hacker friends. Despite the fact that he's said this shit over 9000 times already, he is actually going to follow through with it this time.

In order to wage war against ED, VampiricSpektor decided to upload a bunch of videos stating that he had done various terrible things to members of ED's community, like having "Snaisybelle Dramatica" arrested, and viciously attacking members of the EDSingers. Of course, anyone with half a brain knows that they were groped by his ~psychic powers.~
To read about Snaisybelle's defeat at the hands of the merciless VampiricSpektor, click here.

Buttdance!

Gone but Not Forgotten

As of approximately 11:20 PM, after releasing a string of videos on March 22, his account has been closed. Delicious mirrors exists if you missed it!

Just kidding. The trolls of the internet thought they had won after his final, teary-eyed video, but this was in fact an elaborate ruse. Maniacal Cackle! The stakes have certainly been upped, as he is now threatening to hold this page for ransom:

You think you won? Ha!

Fun fact: In this hit video, notice how the pixel format of the movie seems to highlight the one remaining fang.

This isn't about Freedom of Speech anymore! its about doing the right thing

HOWEVER, he has just deleted ALL his videos AGAIN, after one of his works of art had been flagged by the community, who are probably just tired of his bitching and moaning, because nobody gives a fuck about his life.

VS and the Skype Squad

One day, VS gave out all of his phone number via a video with the exception of the last number. He seemed to not realize there were only about 10 digits it could be. This being so, the EDiots with Skype decided to go for the troll.

Original Calls
In the original phone calls with VS, the following occurs:

Tries to claim ED didn't stick to it's word when it took down his parent's dox.

Says the Raiders will be in the Super Bowl 2027, yet later says he can't see beyond 12/21/2012.

Says God spoke to him and gave him his psychic ability.

Claims Cassandra (EDS1) was arrested.

etc. (The download to these calls is in "External Links" along with the other Skype calls)

Cassandra
One day, our beloved EDSingers uploaded a song about VS that was loved through out the net. VS discovered this beautiful song and falsely flagged the video and had it taken down. Over Skype, a distraught girl named Cassandra (AKA EDS1) called VS and told him how she was saddened and would hurt herself because of the tragedy he had committed.

“

DID YOU NOT LIKE YOUR SONG VAMPIRICSPEKTOR?

„

—An Upset Cassandra

“

You forgot?! And you're psychic?!

„

—Cassandra

“

No, I got in trouble with Youtube

„

—Cassandra, while starting to cry

“

CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN!

„

—VS freaking out.

“

Are you a pedophile?

„

—Cassandra's Mother.

“

His name's Vampire something. He's a fucking Vampire!

„

—Cassandra's Father.

“

A fucking devil pedophile...

„

—Father Knows Best.

“

Somebody is telling your daughter lies!

„

—VS saving face with mom and dad.

“

Encyclopedia Dramatica is a site geared towards pedophilia and a bunch of other crap.

„

—VS blaming ED.

“

I want to touch your body.

„

—It turns out Cassandra is blind.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Ooples/Clyde Cash
One day, at the realization that he was fighting a lost war, VS decided to make fake propaganda about the secret ED Admin named Ooples being arrested. When the EDiots on Skype caught wind of this news, the initial reply was "Who the fuck is Ooples?" At this point, they had the brilliant idea of having VS's lies bite him in the ass and tell him that Ooples's was real, his real name was Clyde Cash, that he used to hunt Bosnian war criminals, and that he was coming to get revenge while Skyping with VS.

The following IRC/Skype logs were shown to VS:

Use scrollbar to see the full text

<Knots> Clyde_Cash: how the fuck are you on IRC I thought you got arrested

<Clyde_Cash> i did. knots i can't fucking explain this shit to you right now
<Clyde_Cash> but i know who fucking did this
<Clyde_Cash> im going to rape him
<Knots> You're going to... what...?
<Knots> Where are you? How'd you get away?
<Clyde_Cash> i already found where he lives
<Knots> Well that's great news. Drop his dox and we'll put them on the page
<Clyde_Cash> no knots. this isnt EDs. this is my revenge.
<Clyde_Cash> my brother is bringing me my gun to the safe house
<Clyde_Cash> im going to fuck that bitch in his pathetic hole
<Clyde_Cash> im going to rape him
<Knots> Holy shit you are seriously mad about this
Clyde_Cash has left irc.encyclopediadramatica.com (Quit: over and out)

[3/29/2010 2:43:09 AM] Dr_Rice: Michael
[3/29/2010 2:43:14 AM] Dr_Rice: Clyde Cash has a gun
[3/29/2010 2:44:18 AM] Dr_Rice: He is angry that you got him arrested
[3/29/2010 2:44:31 AM] Dr_Rice: That is what he thinks you did
[3/29/2010 2:44:37 AM] Dr_Rice: and he is going to kill you regardless

He believed this 100%

One day, for authenticity, the Skype Squad called VS's phone and had someone pose as a angry white guy who says "nigger" a lot, which was meant to be Ooples/Clyde Cash. After leaving two voice messages on his phone, VS joined the Skype conversation and played these message back for everyone and said that he was scared of Ooples, whom he actually claimed to be a black person. After VS left, Skype Squad lol'd hard and called him again and landed a 20 minute conversation between Ooples and VS. Ooples demanded a video where VS apologized to him and Alex Temple. A bitter, crying, VS accepted in exchange that Clyde stop trolling him. VS delivered:

Apology

A few days later, the Skype Squad decided to hold their end of Clyde's deal. They brought VS into one final Skype and asked him various questions which proved that VS was a psychic being. They then decided to break the news that they were Clyde Cash. VS responded just as he always does:

Chatlogs with VS

If you thought this was over then you're a NIGGER

“

plus i may team up with Scientology to get you TROLLS off the net for good!

„

—VS in Letter to Alex

Outraged by the tumorous growth of his EncyclopediaDramatica page and the exceptional news coverage of Alex "Romantic" Temple's Lulz News Network, VampiricSpektor came out of the shadows to strike at Alex with a lustful fury equaled only by the lust for children your step-dad has so delicately acquired. Among other totally reasonable requests, VampiricSpektor also politely asked for the number to Mazzio's Pizza so she could order himself 100 large pepperoni pizzas (feel free to help him out! (918)664-4444)

Demands a lifetime supply of KFC Double Down's pumped directly into his tits through IV.

Alex's Secret weapon

What VampiricSpektor does NOT know is that alex has a second video, this one dubbed the TIT-DANCE, also known as Operation Blob-Stopper. Should Alex "Romantic" Temple be bothered further/sexually pursued by the Parasitic VampiricSpektor then it shall be released...

Skype Threats

“

when you get this, i will have deleted Skype, dont bother trying to contact me, i have changed my name, my entire information, i want this to end as much as you do, so TAKE DOWN THE MOTHERFUCKING PAGE! im not doing things the way they want them, if you do not comply alex will get a warning :) if the page is not down by then, he'll get a Subpeona, if its still not down, he'll get charges pressed on him, if its still not down, i'll make him tell me who all is involved, if its still not down, i'll get the FBI involved, Cyberstalking is a serious crime, if you do NOT believe me, look it up, what you have done to me, too Truehookahking, too Rootbrian and too Christian chandler, is Cyberstalking, i have changed my Phone Number and im living somewhere new...YOU will not get any of this information :) my landlord already knows that i have cyberstalkers trying to find me, in fact she's had several arrested xD! once again, you have cyberstalked the wrong person bitch :) and alot of people are gonna pay for it..NOW take down that page and i'll drop everything! i'll drop the charges on alex and i'll delete/rip up any evidence i've got against ED and 4chan! i will not be around to see your responce...so LATAH! cunt!

„

—Michael-Kun, 10:58AM April 29th, 2010 to Thuzadian. As you can see, the great ham beast is yet again talking out of its massive ass and has no clue how the law actually works.

Nolan-Kun

The drama regarding VS keeps resurfacing and unlike other lolcows continues to cause actual lulz instead of fanbois masturbating to their prey's antics. Nolan-kun is the latest drama to come out of the VS saga. Nolan-Kun is likely the most dedicated troll to have ever existed.

“

This is Nolan-Kun, I'm known for being the guy who has the in with VampiricSpektor. I've been watching his videos for over two years and have spent the entire time becoming his trusted friend, we even fake dated for a while in order for me to get the ass slap video of him.

Recently on the way down to Bonnaroo I stopped by to meet him with my girlfriend. We were supposed to hang with him for four hours, but he was too gone on pills and didn't wake up until twenty minutes before we needed to get back on the road despite many phone calls and texts from me. I ended up staying for forty minutes and talked to him and his fiancee in his apartment that had a handwritten sign for the Meals on Wheels people on the outside telling them to just leave the food at the door. He told me I couldn't take picture or video of him, so had to do a sneak record, then got him to pose for a few pics by promising they'd only be on an offline computer. Now that the stuff is online he's claiming my girlfriend is one of you guys and tricked me by doing secret recording and that the FBI bugged his apartment so they'd be able to put her in jail. All I have online right now is one video of him timing his girlfriend's contractions, and one pic, but will have a little more soon enough. Here you go, enjoy!

Vampiric timing the contractions of his fiancee who was pregnant with kids from another dude, and who Vampiric said he was going to marry and adopt the children of. Vampiric may be a dad one day. And I was unable to get photo or video of this chick because I was doing this all on the sneak, but she looked like a Mexican lunchlady, and wasn't nearly hideous enough to be with him.