Sketchy Study Finds Marijuana Is Addictive, Makes You Dumb And Possibly Even Schizophrenic

A new study coming out of England has definitively connected marijuana use to a whole array of bad shit, including “addiction, brain impairment, low school attainment, harder drug use, and psychiatric disorders, particularly in adolescents.” Not only that, but it’s been tied to schizophrenia. Yikes! Just as the whole legalization thing was starting to catch on, it seems that a new study is going to bring that entire effort to a screeching halt.

Ah just kidding, this thing sounds like total bullshit. Turns out this “study” conducted by Wayne Hall, a researcher at Queens College, isn’t really a study at all, but an analysis of research and experiments that have been conducted over the last 20 years. To add, good ol’ Wayne has been spending years as an anti-marijuana advocate. Most importantly to this study, “he didn’t find or identify many effects that were definitively caused by marijuana use.” So all he found was correlation, which means, for example, it’s impossible to tell whether people who use marijuana become more likely to quit school/be dickheads, or if people who are already likely to quit school/be dickheads are more likely to use marijuana.

Now, I’m not much of a hardcore weed advocate myself, but I’m pretty reluctant to take correlation as any sign of causation, especially when no new data is being introduced, and the guy in charge of the whole thing is named Wayne. I don’t trust Waynes. .

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Sterling Cooper is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. He has never understood why people like sand, and has been in a bitter ten year rivalry with Muggsy Bogues, for reasons neither of them choose to reveal.

I have conducted my own studies and can conclude that yes, if you smoke pot 5+ times per day everyday you will get a little worse at remembering stuff sometimes until you slow down…lesson: hope your middle school and high school pothead days dont last more than a year or two