Many posters have mentioned that smokers are more likely to become ill/ die early than non-smokers. It’s also true that if someone in the house smokes, children living in the home are more likely to suffer from asthma & other respiratory illnesses. This effect is mitigated, however, if the smoker never smokes in the house, car, or any other areas frequented by the children.

True, all true, but when YOU overeat – I don’t get fat or have a heart attack! If you get skin cancer G-d forbid, it is not contagious to your kids (unless they are also with you in the sun without proper sunblock). If you truly do not realize how different this is from smoking, which physically affects not only you but everyone around you, then there is not much more that can be added which will help enlighten you.

When someone is checking out a boy/girl wouldn’t they ask if there are any medical problems in the family as one of the first questions? Now why would you then date a guy who has a potentially life threatening medical problem waiting to happen?

When someone is checking out a boy/girl wouldn’t they ask if there are any medical problems in the family as one of the first questions? Now why would you then date a guy who has a potentially life threatening medical problem waiting to happen?

Because unscrupulous shadchanim will sometimes avoid telling about the smoking issue, when asked outright if there are any medical factors, figuring that a potential problem (though extremely likely) is still “only” a potential problem.

Anonymiss says that people who quit young have a normal life expectancy. Excellent – if a young enough guy has been smoke-free for 5 years we might consider him for a potential son-in-law! I just want it to see it b’poal, not promised in theory.

I am totally against smoking and have never smoked and can’t stand it (to the point where I will walk out of a room if I smell it on someone’s clothes), but I agree with the OP.

It may be better to be married for the 30 years, if not longer, than to never get married at all. Its similar to people who marry men with physical defects (literally a Muckas Shichin), or women whose whole family had Yena Machla. In this case its even less of an issue, since smokers can quit. Sometimes you have to compromise, and although I and my family hope to never be in such a situation (Bezras Hashem), if the choice was marry a smoker or not marry at all, I would (probably) personally choose not (as I can’t stand the smell), but if you don’t mind it, you should at least consider it, especially if he is willing to agree to ground rules (such as no smoking in the house or around the children or yourself)

Since we believe that each person has their Zivug, if he is a smoker, it may be your only chance. If you are an older single and want to get married, you should at least give it a try. 🙁

Everybody comes with the story of knowing someone who is 95 and they smoked their whole life! Well good for them!Maybe they have some special zechus going for them!But there have been plenty of people that have smoked aand have died!

THe excuse of “I know plenty people who smoke and they are fine” is like saying

I know someone who jumped off a bridge and didn’t die!Does that mean if a you(chas vashalom)decide to jump off a bridge then you won’t die?!

If you have such a crazy attitude then why don’t you should eat a berry that you are not sure it’s posionous!The same way with ciggarets-except with a twist-every medical proffesional will tell you it killls people (Chas veshalom)

Many Gedolim and big Rabbonim have stated that nowdays if you smoke you are over”Veneshmartem meoed es nafshoseichem”.

We are not living in the middle ages over here!This is the 21st century and we all know the dangers of smoking!

I know (unfortunately) quite a few people who lost their spouses young and they agree that they are happy they married them. But why would you CHOOSE a situation that will endanger you, your children and extended family? A pregnant woman should not be around a smoker, even if they don’t smoke near the mother. Should a woman have to avoid her spouse for 9 months?

Also, smoking is assur. Would you allow your daughter to go out with a guy who eats at McDonald’s once a month? Or, knowingly does something else wrong? Why are there “acceptable” sins we tolerate?

That’s exactly my point. My answer to both questions (marry someone who has a significant chance of dying and someone who is doing something assur but willing to try to work on it) is yes, in certain cases. I adressed both of your points in my original post:

1: The man will not smoke near his spouse or children (second hand smoke, let alone pregnancy)

2: Sometime people marry those with known risks. We are talking about the woman who is (due to the shidduch crisis or other issues) at that point.

Bottom line is that most Bochurim quit smoking either when they get enagaged or married. Don’t have the exact percentage, but I would say that probably close to 75% of yungerleit don’t smoke. If their wives insist they stop after their wedding, most yungerleit will quit then.

“Bottom line is that most Bochurim quit smoking either when they get enagaged or married. Don’t have the exact percentage, but I would say that probably close to 75% of yungerleit don’t smoke. If their wives insist they stop after their wedding, most yungerleit will quit then”

I would like to know how long that will last!I know people who quit smokin but are now under alot of stress takes up cigaretts!

My friend who just got marrried -her husband told her that most of the married men came to her husbands dirah to smoke-so their wives won’t know!

Assuming the alcaholic is not abusive and will not damage anyone or thing, then yes.

Bottom line is that they can make accommodations so that the smoking will not affect (healthwise) the rest of the family (as opposed to AIDS or the sort).

And yes, “older” Shidduch dating only women these days are that desperate. If they are not, they may have given up and expect never to get married (which may be a better option, but the other should at least be considered). At least as far as Middos, Children, Hashkafa, etc. they will be happy.

As yes, it makes me very sad (the shidduch reality) whenever I think about it.

Its not even close to the best option, but it should at the very least be an option.

BasYisroel2 – most wives who have a nose will ususally be able to smell smoke on their husbands. And most yungerleit whose wives want them to quit will be harrased to really stay off smokes. At the end of the day, I have seen even the heaviest smokers as Bochurim quit after their weddings.

You know what the REAL bottom line is? The fact that there are people on this forum trying to defend the indefensible, and rationalizing that 30 years of marriage to someone (if you are lucky) is better than none, even if at the end of that 30 years, the spouse is dying an agonizingly painful, slow death, and his wife and children (who may or may not also have been physically affected by his filthy habit)have to watch it happen. That is a selfish and self-indulgent way of looking at this issue. It is not only about the smoker. And that is what the smoker refuses to face. Until it is too late, that is.

Don’t even get me started on the alcoholic. The worst thing about an alcoholic is that he or she NEVER believes there is a drinking problem. The guy who cannot refrain from drinking while on a date, is the guy who potentially down the line may have a drinking problem, if not already. And most frum girls do not like to go out with guys who like to drink. I will take a drink at a simcha (always a pina colada), and I drink wine for kiddush – but I don’t go out to dinner and have a cocktail (not saying that’s a terrible aveira to do so, but it is not the norm for most frum people). While dating, for sure it looks bad that the guy has to have a drink, especially if he is driving (and before you say, oh it’s only one drink, what’s the big deal, why does he need the one drink while on a date?).

My sincere apologies to anyone dealing with a close alcoholic relative whom I might have hurt. I can’t begin to imagine the stress, and everything involved. Of course you still love them and treat them with dignity. I was referring here to someone signing up voluntarily for this, and I assume you understand where I was coming from.

It’s amazing how everyone hocks against smoking (there’s maybe 1/2 an opinion here that’s pro smoking) and yet all the smokers get engaged. It doesn’t even DELAY their shidduchim. So what’s really going on here? Is everyone just talking, yet not acting upon their convictions?

I have no idea which heavy smokers that you know who quit-I am sure they exsist- however we have to deal with the population of-i have seen plenty of people -who promised their wives to quit are still smoking!