Oscars drama 101 + my favorite dresses

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I’m no drama geek, but oh-my-eff, there was some serious crazy drama at last night’s Oscars. I don’t love watching the actual show as much as the red carpet and the sweet acceptance speeches, but only the very few genuine ones. And of course my favorite part is the eye language (it’s a thing, I just made it up) between couples on the carpet, and the dialogue (lip reading only) between the assistants and actors/actresses. Whoo, there was some drama there last night! Jennifer Lawrence’s assistant alone looked like she was two seconds from flop sweat the whole way down the runway carpet.

Alright, let’s jump right in.

Eddie Redmayne can do no wrong. I’m sorry, I just don’t even care about the weird slippers he’s wearing, or the fact that his hair is as immovable as that of a Ken doll. His follicular giftedness will come in handy when we pack our bags to run away together – we will totally share hair products.

Had you heard of Alicia Vikander before last night? Me either, but she’s lovely and her dress is my FAVORITE of all of the dresses in the land. Seriously, it was my hands-down favorite of the lot.

Which takes me straight into the land of terrible dresses. Actually, Amy Adams’ dress was absolutely stunning but GIRLFRIEND WHERE IS YOUR COLOR? Honestly, the redheads disappointed all over the place at the Oscars. A little color never hurt anyone, did it Jessica Chastain?

See? With the red lipstick? It made everything better. Imagine if she had worn a red dress.

You made out with Eddie Redmayne! You probably call each other on the weekend. You should be trying to steal him away from his gorgeous girlfriend! Never mind, you look like a cracked-out grasshopper and you’re dull as a plastic knife, it will never work between you.

But here’s where I’m going to get all hypocritical: Jennifer Lawrence rrrrrrocked her blush pink gown. Her coloring is different than the redheaded stepsisters though, and the dress is far more interesting. Plus, Jennifer Lawrence gets a pass. At life. She’s a smart girl who doesn’t take herself too seriously, is terrifically gifted as an actress, and generally makes me feel better about life because of her continued awkwardness and normalcy.

Oh hello there Reese! You did get the memo about color! I’ll wait for your TPS report on the situation, but in the meantime thank you for representing your fellow pale blondies and redheads with a little boom. No really, thank you.

I have absolutely nothing but praise for Daniel Day Lewis and his wonderful wife. Aren’t they a stunning couple? His Oscars acceptance speech was my favorite, and the fact that he thanked his wife over and over and was so gracious about winning. I’m kind of completely heartbroken Hugh Jackman didn’t win for Les Misérables, but if anyone else deserved the best actor award it was definitely Daniel. He’s incredibly gifted, isn’t he?

Alright, back to the drama. Kristen Stewart hasn’t hit her stride with style (will she ever?) and looked like she’d been roused from the dead to hobble around looking expressionless. That probably deserves an Oscar right there. (POSTURE ANYONE?)

Oh, Helena. Honey. If I could just get my hands on you for an hour.

Helena Bonham Carter is straight up crazy train, but she is unparalleled in her acting chops so I’m always just delighted to see what concoction ends up at awards shows. She’s not unlike a toddler in the throes of the superhero costume phase wherein they travel to preschool, the grocery store, story time, and bedtime in the same rumpled crazy bananas outfit for months on end. I wish it were just a phase, but no. See also posture issue notes for K-STEW above.

Quentin: I HAVE NO WORDS FOR YOU.

Jennifer. Hey babe, call me and we’ll do lunch next time I’m in L.A. Our kids can have a play-date and our boys can go surfing while we get a mani-pedi.

Jennifer Garner is my secret best friend, and as a bestie I wouldn’t hesitate to tell her which dress made her boobs look weird (I’m looking at YOU Anne Hathaway) but I don’t even need to, because even though she’s styled by crazy-town USA the best in the business, she’s simply flawless, always.

Anne. Annie. Annalalannana-ding-dong. I love that you borrowed Gwenyth Paltrow’s dress from her Oscar winning year, it makes you seem more human. You’ve got a sample sized body so you can wear whatever you’d like, (please eat a bacon cheeseburger or three, you could use the weight) you knew you were going to win the Oscar, and you look like a little doe-eyed princess, but PLEASE. It’s was your night, you have access to the craziest best stylist in California, WHY DID YOU NOT GO TO ANY OF YOUR FITTINGS?

I do not possess the vocabulary to explain my love for Melissa McCarthy, I really don’t. I can’t tell you how much I love her in general, but I love her infinitely more for her new venture to create a plus-size clothing line that isn’t horrific.

But girlfriend, this dress. It’s terrible. You look like you’re playing dress up with sheets. Your hair and makeup are great though, love ya!

You guys, I’m sorry. We have to talk about Jen (and Ben) again for a second. I love them. I didn’t love him for a long, long, very very long time, and then came Jen. She has kind of transformed him and I love them. I love that they’re honest about marriage, I love the look she’s giving him right here, I loved her face when he won the Oscar for Argo, like she was holding back choking sobs. Talk about drama you guys, I had to reach for the tissues. Ben, don’t make me ugly cry by turning out to be so talented and sweet (and smart!).

They’re pretty legit.

What was your favorite? Did I hate the dresses you loved or love the ones you hated?

Allison

Hello there! I'm Allison Czarnecki, founder + editor of Petit Elefant, a blog all about style on a budget for every part of your life: style / home / travel / family. I do a lot of how-to beauty + style tutorials, travel posts, easy recipes, home remodel projects, and cool DIY crafts you totally want to try. I'm super happily married (to a hot Polish immigrant) and am the mother of two kids, a daughter and son, all of whom are featured here on the regular. We live in the country but we're a little bit rock + roll. Welcome!

14 Comments

Allison, I always love coming straight to you for the awards-show fashion breakdown. And you totally nailed it. I think you read my brain and took those thoughts and put them down far more cleverly that I ever could.

Also, Seth McFarlane charmed me way more than I was prepared to let him. Darn him. But my heart still belongs to Hugh. Esp when he jumped up to help Jennifer Lawrence. Love him

I actually loved Amy Adams’ dress, I thought it made her skin look very delicately porcelain and beautiful. It might have been my favorite of the night, tied with maybe Jennifer Lawrence.

I read some crazytown gossip that said Anne Hathaway’s original Valentino choice ended up being very similar to what Amanda Seyfried wore (high-necked neutral lacey overlay). So she bailed at the last minute. She probably should have gone the ‘twinners’ route but, Les Nippleables aside, you’ve got to have an amazing shape to pull off a satin column gown.

100% agree!!!! With every word. I too, hated Ben for a long time, the whole Jennifer Lopez episode had me pegging him as a jerk who didn’t have a clue. Then he met Jen and I was mad at her for going for him and settling for less than she deserved. Then….they lasted and he matured and she became a mom and together they SO WORK. It is amazing what love can do to people. His speech…so awesome. And yes, if it couldn’t be Hugh it had to be Daniel. So touched by his speech. LOVE your post!

Hello there! I'm Allison Czarnecki, founder + editor of Petit Elefant, a blog all about style on a b... >>READ MORE