On their wedding night, the young brideApproached her new husband and askedFor $20.00 for their first lovemakingEncounter.In his highly aroused state,Her husband readily agreed.This scenario was repeated each time they madeLove, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was aCute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals thatShe needed.Arriving home around noon one day, she wasSurprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.During the next few minutes, he explained thatHis employer was going through a process of corporateDownsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to findAnother position that paid anywhere near whatHe'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book whichShowed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issuedBy thebank which was worth over $2 million,And informed him that theyWere one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more thanThree decades she had 'charged' him for sex, These holdings had multiplied and these were the Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investmentsWorth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he couldBarely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know whenTo keep their mouths shut.

"4 cylinder Camaro=communism" El Presidente

"You can smoke salmon but it's not quite the same as smoking heroin." nanuq

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus whenone said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday,minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take whatyou want.'The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; theclothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.'

The real Army, composed entirely of young enthusiasts in camouflage uniforms, from whom impossible efforts would be demanded and to whom all sorts of tricks would be taught. That's the army in which I should like to fight.” ― Jean Lartéguy

An 18 year old Italian girl tells herMom that she has missed herperiod for two months. Veryworried, the mother goes to thedrugstore and buys a pregnancykit. The test result shows that thegirl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing,crying, the mother says, "Who wasthe pig that did this to you? Iwant to know!" The girl picks upthe phone and makes a call.Half an hour later, a Ferrari stopsin front of their house. A matureand distinguished man with grayhair and impeccably dressed in anArmani suit steps out of the of theFerrari and enters the house.He sits in the living room with thefather, mother, and the girl andtells them: "Good morning, yourdaughter has informed me of theproblem. I can't marry herbecause of my personal familysituation but I'll take charge. I willpay all costs and provide for yourdaughter for the rest of her life.""Additionally, if a girl is born, I willbequeath a Ferrari, a beachhouse, two retail stores, atownhouse, a beachfront villa, anda $2,000,000 bank account. If aboy is born, my legacy will be acouple of factories and a$4,000,000 bank account. If twins,they will receive a factory and$2,000,000 each. However, ifthere is a miscarriage, what doyou suggest I do?"At this point, the father, who hadremained silent, places a handfirmly on the man's shoulder andtells him, "You fuck her again."

Im reallly fuclimg pissed but fespite that I can still hit a tarfet at 1000m plus. mayVRVe bnot tonight but it qint beyond the wit if man. Nowhammy.

Two women are having coffee when there is a knock at the door. The woman who owns the house answers; it's a dozen roses from her husband with a card that reads, "Just because". The woman's guest exclaims, "That is so sweet! And it's not your birthday OR Valentine's Day!" The woman replies, "Big deal. All this means is that I have to spend the next week on my back with my legs apart." Her friend, looking confused finally asks, "You don't have a vase?"

An elderly couple enter a lawyer's office. He asks how he can help them. The old woman says, "We want a divorce." The lawyer asks them how long they have been married - "80 years," says the old man. "But we haven't been able to stand each other since the honeymoon." "Why ever did you stay together for so long?" asks the lawyer. The old woman pats her hubby on the leg and says, "We wanted to wait until the children were dead."

Vincent Van Gogh was a famous artist who cut his ear off and sent it to his girlfriend with a note that said, "Haven't heard from you lately...."

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