Saturday, February 19, 2011

Getting to Teach

Throughout this week, I've been feeling a little like pieces of me have fallen through the cracks. I'm not sleeping or eating well. My mind is constantly racing. I actually hallucinated a few stuffed animals and lots of red blobs in my living room yesterday. The other night I had awful dreams about some friends who turned into monsters that ate your skin if you didn't completely cover it with a sheet. I've been depressed about not having the same energy I did when I was 23, the energy to protest all day and night, the energy to fight forever. I thought about how I could just move away from Wisconsin, the state I've come to love so hard. I didn't feel like myself. I wasn't me.

And throughout the week, there was one thing that happened every day to keep me from losing my mind: I got to leave downtown every day by 1 or 2 pm and go to work. My students would come in, and we'd do our piano lessons every day, just like we always do, just like we love to do. They'd come in and be themselves and be hilarious and lovely, and it kept me going. They made me sane. They soothed my mind. They rejuvenated my heart. I have never felt so lucky to get to go to my job and teach.

Dearest Wisconsin teachers - I so hope you get to go back to work soon. I hope you get to have what keeps you going in your lives again. I pray that people will stop standing in your way of doing your job and doing it wonderfully, as you have been this whole time. I know that's where you want to be, and I sincerely hope this is the case very soon. I support you 100% and I cannot wait for you to teach again.

Tara, I know. I've felt anxious and sick since Monday. I've loved what's going on downtown and witnessing all this, but there's an ongoing sense of dread permanently settling in the pit of my stomach. I'm just hoping and hoping...