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Friday, 7 February 2014

The Song of My Spirit 4

The Song of My
SpiritThe Journey to become a Better Me: Week Four

By Kristen Debler

Dear My Future
Self,

I
am looking back at my reflection in the mirror and I am in awe at what is
looking back at me. You are so grateful and blessed to see the old you looking
back. The old you that was so determined but scared of moving forward in life. The
scared old you that is sitting here on the couch, the most comfortable place in
the house, frustrated at what her life has become. The old, naïve and younger
version of yourself who was frustrated with being stuck, in so many ways. Stuck
in her overweight body that has constricted her from doing ordinary things,
stuck in her place in life, her work, her marriage and even her dreams. This
person who is not only stuck but scared. What were we afraid of? We were
scared of the doctors and what they might say about our health. We were scared
that the things that we feared having: diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.,
actually came true. We were afraid of dealing with that.

You
laugh, as you remember the day that you decided that enough was enough! The day
that you were too tired of being stuck and scared and of not doing anything
about it. You didn’t want to be this lazy, scared, fragment of the person who
you used to be. We used to be strong and determined to make a place for
ourselves in life. Where did we become so lost? But this type of reminiscing is
okay because we wanted to show how important that our struggle is for our
future selves. We haven’t made it out of the woods yet but we are getting there,
day by day. There is a big smile on your face because you are grateful for all
of the lessons that we are going through right now. There have been and will
continue to be moments of self-hate, harsh judgment and condescending words
that are going to be tossed around in your head. The old you would listen to
these things but the new you is going to prove that these words mean nothing.
They are motivators to make you a more self-loving person.

We
know the steps that we are taking are not easy. But what change in life is?
Remember the motto, no pain, no gain? This is so true because we cannot work on
making ourselves better versions of ourselves if we do not feel some sort of
physical, emotional, mental or spiritual pain. Pain is where the ultimate
lessons lie.

My
future self, I know that you are proud of me for learning these lessons, for
diving in head first and start working on myself. You see that I am trying day
by day, and that I am struggling as well as learning. I am moving forward to
becoming a better version of myself, knowing that I lived through this and I
made it out, not only okay, but better.

As,
I look at my future self in the mirror, I hold a promise to myself. A promise
that I will continue to move forward every day. That I will embrace my struggles
and find ways to overcome them and my fears. I want to be happy and the only way
for me to do that is to start being happy. I need to find the right tools to
help me get out of being stuck and scared. Once these bonds are off me, I can
start becoming the person that I am and that I am meant to be. I look forward
to meeting my future self. I hope that she has faith in me.

Sincerely,

The
Old Me

P.S.
Here is a piece that I wrote that I think talks about my struggle for change
within myself.

Changing
Wind

Little Star
Children fighting profusely,

Back and forth,
little scenes of twinkle dust dancing, bouncing,Painting
shining images in the sky for the world below.

Who is to wake up
Mother Half Moon?

And tell her the
news?

That finally, the
wind is changing,

Blowing in her
direction

Giving her the
chance to fully glow again;

Coyote stops
dancing with the Star Woman

Covered in star
Dust he leaves her

And jumps towards
the kotcha (house) of Mother Half Moon

Dusk is slowly
starting to form on the earth below

And Father Sun
stops the celebration,

The sunbeams stop
the dance, pick up their drums

And walk behind
Father Sun towards the cloud loklo (valley) of rest

And prepare for
the next days celebration.

Coyote looks back
towards the Star Children

Who have stopped
their fighting?

And are staring at
him dumbfounded,

As he gets closer
to Mother Half Moon’s kotcha

Coyote grins
happily like the bob-cat

And casually wakes
up Mother Half Moon.

As she wakes up,
the world becomes aglow with her radiating light

As she walks out
and kindles the fire,

A searching wind
blows into the night, and stirs the dancing embers of the fire..

The embers stop
dancing and look towards the direction of the wind.

Mother Half Moon
feels the change that is coming towards her,

She smiles
excitedly because she knows the goodness that is coming

For her and for
her people,

This goodness has
already started to take place,

Her people are
changing, and for the better.

There are more or
them rising up and doing good things for themselves.

No longer will
they let the world hold them down.

They have survived
this long, and they will survive until the end of time.

The wind sweetly
sings a song of joy as it blows throughout the earth and sky,the joy that is reflected inside
the hearts of the people.

No longer will the
sacred cycle of suffering, turmoil and unhappiness

Be a part of their
lives.

This is exciting
to them,

And they create a new song,

A new dance and
celebration

For this new wind
that has created joy into their hearts.

They thank the
ancestors The Spirits of Coyote, Bear, and Eagle
for this great reward.

They will remember
them in times of struggle in the future,

To remind them of
what they have done for them.

As the dancing,
and celebrating commences on earth

Mother Half Moon
is so filled with emotion

That she grows
full again,

And the Star
Children dance excitedly for this miraculous event.

This is a great
omen,

The wind sings
sweetly the song as the dance continues in the hearts of the
nations of the people.