She Arms Womento Battle Alcohol Program Zeroes In On Issues Of Esteem

Women battling alcoholism must struggle with more than the compulsion to drink. They must overcome their socialized tendency to hide their anger and feel guilty about their addiction.

In fighting her own alcoholism, Jean Kirkpatrick realized that women needed specialized treatment. In 1975 she founded Women for Sobriety.

''Woman have feelings of guilt because of our socialization,'' Kirkpatrick said in Orlando last week. They assume blame for anything that goes wrong with personal relationships. ''Women have this sense of 'I failed, I failed, I failed.' '' Men feel remorse, she said, but ''they don't have this mea culpa -- 'It's all my fault.' ''

On Wednesday night about 25 women crowded into a hotel meeting room, one door down from the cocktail lounge. Most were residents of the all-female Freedom Haus alcohol treatment center in Sanford. The 63-year-old Kirkpatrick, sober since 1971, told them they should learn to feel good about themselves.

Kirkpatrick, short and stocky with salt-and-pepper-hair, spoke with the raspy voice of experience. The think-positive approach of her program is ''not at all new,'' she told the group. But she said Women for Sobriety was the first self-help program tailored for women alcoholics. It was organized to serve as either an alternative or a supplement to Alcoholics Anonmyous. AA was founded by a man, and Kirkpatrick felt it was male-oriented.

She first joined AA during the mid-1950s, while completing her doctorate in sociology. Three years after she joined -- and before she had finished her dissertation -- she started drinking again.

During the next 13 years, Kirkpatrick attempted suicide and added a drug problem to her alcohol addiction. But she wasn't motivated to stop drinking until her family and friends deserted her and she became ill. ''You really begin to decide you have to do something because you are so damn scared,'' she said.

Kirkpatrick rejoined AA but found that it still didn't meet her needs. ''The meetings were dominated by men,'' she said. ''Some women would talk about frustrations . . . the men just didn't want to hear that.''

In mixed groups, there is an unavoidable sexual interplay that reinforces a female alcoholic's low self-image, Kirkpatrick said. Women tend to defer to men in the group, for example, and men often try to show off.

Men and women hear different messages about themselves growing up, and they need different treatment for alcoholism. Men are nurtured; women are nurturers. Men are free to voice anger; women are encouraged to keep it hidden and under control. Very few women, she said, combat the problem of excessive ego.

Women also feel more shame about the stigma of alcoholism, said Carolyn Wirth who came to hear Kirkpatrick speak. Wirth is house manager for Freedom Haus.

''I believe it's more risky for a woman to open up about herself as an alcoholic than it is for a man as far as being accepted anywhere,'' Wirth said. ''The issues are different. They're equally difficult for men and women, but they are different.''

Like AA, Women for Sobriety has a step-by-step credo of aims and beliefs. The 13 Women for Sobriety steps focus on positive thinking, happiness as a habit, enthusiasm as a daily exercise, and responsibility for self. Drinking is mentioned only once, in the first step.

A spokeswoman for Alcoholics Anonymous in New York said AA has special- interest groups for women, gays, and young people. ''There have always been women's groups in AA from the very beginning,'' said the spokeswoman, who asked that her name not be published because of AA's anonymity policy.

''We neither oppose nor endorse'' groups such as Women For Sobriety, she said. ''Many outside organizations that we neither oppose nor endorse have used AA's 12 steps and have adapted them to their own need.'' Women account for about a third of AA's estimated worldwide membership of 1.4 million.

Women for Sobriety started in Bethelehem, Pa., with about five women. Today there are an estimated 250 groups in the United States and a handful abroad. Most have between six and 10 members. In Florida, Kirkpatrick said, groups are starting in Tampa, St. Petersburg, Fort Lauderdale and Jupiter. She hopes that groups also will form in Delray Beach and Orlando.

Each woman in a Women for Sobriety group introduces herself by saying: ''My name is . . . and I am a competent woman,'' followed by a statement of something positive she has done during the week since she last attended a group meeting.

Discussions are moderated by a woman who has been sober for at least 18 months. At the close of each meeting, the members describe themselves as ''capable and confident, caring and compassionate.''

Women who attend the meetings are asked to make a $2 donation, which is forwarded to the national headquarters in Quakertown, Pa. The money is used to pay for Women for Sobriety publications. Kirkpatrick has written two books, one detailing her experience with alcoholism and the founding of Women for Sobriety, and Goodbye Hangovers, Hello Life, which outlines the program and its philosophy.

Kirkpatrick, who lives in Quakertown and works as executive director of Women for Sobriety, said the program takes time and commitment, but she sees it as a route to independence, not as another addiction.

''The past is gone forever,'' Kirkpatrick reminded her audience. ''Thank God it will never be back.''

More information about Women For Sobriety is available by writing to WFS, P.O. Box 618, Quakertown, Pa. 18951.