Man Concedes To Brush Teeth Extra Hard In The Morning

Realizing that he would “definitely” not be leaving his bed again that evening to re-up on snacks or beverages, let alone to groom, area man Brad Sommers promised himself last Tuesday evening that he would just brush his teeth extra hard the next morning instead.

“I’m for sure not getting up again for more Wheat Thins, let alone to brush my teeth,” said Sommers, settling in to watch another episode of Silicon Valley. “It’ll be fine. I’ll just be sure to brush a little longer and rinse with Listerine after breakfast.”

Sommers, who sources report had consumed various spicy foods and acidic drinks throughout the day, conceded that it was more important that he “get cozy” than attend to his oral health.

“I was for sure like 15 minutes away from falling asleep, and if I had gotten up and moved around I would’ve lost all that momentum,” said Sommers. “I chewed a bunch of spearmint gum after dinner anyway, so it’s totally fine.”

Sommers’ roommates confirmed that they never heard Sommers leave his room after 11 p.m., nor did his toothbrush bristles look wet when they themselves entered the bathroom to brush their teeth before bed.

“What’s the difference between brushing my teeth now and just doing it when I wake up tomorrow anyway?” said Sommers. “It’s not like I’ll be doing anything while I sleep.”

“I don’t have a dentist appointment for like three months anyway, so I think I’ll for sure be fine,” Sommers added. “I’ll just use twice as much toothpaste when I brush tomorrow.”