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Campaigners celebrate as last ‘Strictly’ contestant is finally freed

Campaigners welcomed the news that Chris Hollins, the final minor celebrity held by the BBC and forced to dance for the public’s entertainment, had finally been released.

Activists against cruelty to the semi-famous said they were particularly glad to see Hollins released after he had been kept shackled to his professional trainer Ola Jordan for months by a public grimly fascinated by the sports presenter’s dancing on the apparent basis ‘not so much that he could do it well, but that he could do it at all’.

However freeing these poor souls is only the start, warned a campaign spokeswoman, ‘Many of them don’t want to leave our recovery centres as they don’t have a TV studio to go to, and while we have a policy of never putting a healthy celebrity down, you can only do so much. And Poor Timmy Mallet still had so much to give the world…’