Would You Read It Wednesday #83 – Giant At The Gym (PB) AND The March Pitch Pick

Because I decided (based on the fact that someone we all know and love is having a birthday within the next few days :)) that we should celebrate by having chocolate birthday cake for our Something Chocolate this morning. So let’s just throw caution to the wind, forget pretending that chocolate cake is good for you, and just go hog wild! 🙂

Help yourself to multiple slices and feel free to have a cup of coffee or a glass of milk to go with 🙂

Now that we have attended to our blood sugar levels, which I know were dangerously low before I came along with the cake, we can focus on the March Pitch Pick which, due to the In Just Spring Contest has only 3 contenders. Here are the revised pitches ready for you to choose which one you think is best and deserves a read by editor Erin Molta:

#1 LindaTwitch (MG)After his father disappears, Twitch Taylor is forced to live with his uncle, reviving an old-time Cherokee custom where uncles teach nephews the ways of men. Twitch soon learns how important the traditional ways are: an ancient curse is attacking his family, something only he can control; should he fail, the curse will return to life with no one able to stop it. Can Twitch learn fast enough to become a Cherokee warrior? Can a kid save the world?

#2 DenisePhewie Hughie (Picture Book ages 4-8)Hughie loves his toots. The louder the better, but because Hughie thought everyone should love his toots, he had a hard time understanding why no one appreciated his wonderful ability until two children come to an important dinner and Hughie’s dad reminds to remember his manners.Mayhem happens after Hughie realizes he just can’t hold it in.Will Hughie find a way to control his engine’s noise and find friends along the way?

#3 ErikThe Adventures Of Tomato And Pea (Chapter Book ages 7 and up)In a plan gone wrong, the evil villain Wintergreen tangles with super crime-stopper Tomato and his sidekick Pea in a runaway rocket ship that crashes on a strange planet called EAR-TH. Now these perennial enemies must learn to work together tosurvive the dangers on this strange world and find a way home to planet Oarg.

Please vote for your favorite in the poll below by 11:59 PM EDT on Saturday April 13.

Take Our Poll Today’s pitch comes to us from Elaine, who is a Mom of two, wife of one, mom to three furry kids and second grade school teacher. 🙂

Working Title: Giant At The GymAge/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-7)The Pitch: When a burly Giant enters the gym for a workout, he discovers that the weights are just too light. Too fix this problem he grabs unsuspecting gym goers, who are animals, to help him. The story gets funnier as the pile grows, finally ending with an unexpected surprise.

So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Elaine improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read Itor on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above. There are openings in June so you have time to polish for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Elaine is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to what may be the last college revisit for #4 (or we may have one more… you never know :)) and to more CAKE! 🙂

Thanks so much for your very helpful and thoughtful comments for Elaine, Carrie. I think you've really identified something that will be useful for her to work on. And thanks for the bday wishes – I hope you got plenty of cake 🙂

Yes, I would read it because it does sound like it could be a fun story. I like giants. Picked up on the same sentences as Erik and thought he gave you good advice. You got a lot of great suggestions from others. Good luck.

Thanks for the cake, Susanna…Happy Birthday…you get the biggest piece!!!

It was a hard choice…I love all three stories…but finally picked what I thought was the best pitch.

Elaine…what a creative unique story…I love it! The comments won't load for me, so perhaps others have said similar things. In the second sentence, if you use the word 'too' in this context, you need to spell it 'to'…maybe it was a typo. 🙂

When Giant (does he have a name?) works out at the 24-hour Animal Fitness Gym, he discovers that the weights are too light. Grabbing treadmill runners, stationary bike riders and bench pressers, Giant soon has monkeys and opossum hanging on the barbell with their tails and parrots and toucans with their beaks. Will Giant find the right balance before he runs out of gym-goers?

I don't know if I made it better, Elaine…but at least it is an alternate idea.:)So yes, I would definitely read this story. 🙂

any chocolaty crumbs left? How could I have left my calendar turned to Tuesday all day yesterday….oh well. Story about a giant in a gym – this is funny but it almost sounds like a chapter in an early chapter book…. because we would want to know this giant. And there's prolly a reason for him to go to a gym (wants to be on a team?)Still, put me down in the “maybe” column. Maybe if I knew why he was at the gym. And maybe if weights were just one of the things – does he also need to work on endurance? jump in the pool and do some laps? run on a treadmill or around a track? I can see all kinds of devastation happening!

Sorry I've got to this so late. Yes, I would definitely read it but I think there are things you can do to make the pitch better. I think you've had lots of good advice that I would agree with. Take out the line about it getting funnier and I like the suggestion to use animal noises rather than saying the characters are animals. Good luck!

Elaine, yes I would read it. I think the story has some strong potential. 🙂 Rather than telling us the other gym members are animals, I wonder if you could show us. [My comments are in the brackets] Something like,

“When Giant [I would assume he is burly, no adjective needed] enters the gym [again we would assume for a workout, so strike that part], he discovers [“that” is a filler word, also strike] the weights are [“just” is another filler, strike] too light. To [“too” is a typo here] fix this problem he grabs cow from off the elliptical machine and starts lifting her. She is also too light, so he grabs goat and duck. The number of animals he lifts grows and grows until… [go ahead and tell us this part or give us one juicy detail.]

Nice work. I really like your story idea. Getting enough healthy activity and eating right are important topics for kids (and everyone really).

I know I'm late to this party, but I really wanted to put my two cents in. I like it I really like it and I would love to read it to young kids. Here is my two cents worth. I hope it helps- Cynthia When a burly Giant enters the gym for a workout, he discovers that the weights are just too light. ( I like this simple and clean).Too fix this problem he grabs unsuspecting gym goers, who are animals, to help him. (This part confuses me: Does he actually pick them up and use them as weights? Funny, but I wonder how the animals feel about being used this way? I'm interested to read about that.)The story gets funnier as the pile grows, finally ending with an unexpected surprise. (I don't need this line, I'm already hooked.) 🙂

Hi Cynthia! Thank you so much for your insightful comments. To answer your question, yes the Giant adds animals to the barbells to make them heavier. The animals are unwilling “helpers” but they are not terrified or anything because they understand he's just trying to make the weights heavier and get a good workout. It's a cumulative pb. So when he finally puts the elephant on the barbells, everything comes crashing down. Thanks again for your comments!

We are still waiting. 🙂 The due date was April 12 (yesterday) so I'm sure it will be any day now. 🙂 We are having so much fun…my daughter-in-law is helping me with my Power Point presentation for Singapore…she is fantastic!!!!