How fast can you change two wet & poopy diapers, provided there are no additional complications?

A. < 2 minutes

B. < 4 minutes

C. < 6 minutes

D. I am new to diapering

Communication

A fellow staffer notices a small scratch above one of The Twins' eyes. When questioned about the origin of the scratch you say:

A. I think it happened while your Mom was holding him.

B. She did that earlier while she was sleeping.

C. I have no idea. There are two of them for crying out loud. It's just a scratch. Why are you yelling at me? Oh, I'm yelling?! Am I!?!

D. Pretend to be asleep.

Situational Response *

One of The Twins wakes up crying at 4:30 AM. As you warm a bottle, what beverage do you pour yourself?

A. Bourbon, so you can get right back to sleep.

B. Double espresso, you're going to be up for the day.

C. Both A & B

D. Neither A nor B.

Rate Your Baby Abilities AKA "Babilities" *

Rate Your Baby Abilities AKA "Babilities"

Please read the following statements and select how strongly you agree or disagree.

I am a competent baby rocker/soother.

Strongly Disagree

Disagree

Neutral

Agree

Strongly Agree

I can feed a baby while rocking another baby gently with my foot.

Strongly Disagree

Disagree

Neutral

Agree

Strongly Agree

To be a functional human being I will sleep when I can, where I can; including on the floor between two sleeping babies.

Strongly Disagree

Disagree

Neutral

Agree

Strongly Agree

Regurgitated breast milk on my clothes and hands is an acceptable part of daily life.

Strongly Disagree

Disagree

Neutral

Agree

Strongly Agree

The difference between a "hungry cry" and a "sleepy cry" is obvious and straightforward.

Strongly Disagree

Disagree

Neutral

Agree

Strongly Agree

Education *

What was your major in college? How do you plan to explain that education is important to The Twins while you pursue a career completely unrelated to that major?

Prior Experience *

Please describe any past life experiences, such as caring for plants, small animals, or babysitting, that you tragically think has prepared you for this job.

Advocacy *

It is 3:00 AM. You have just gotten both of The Twins to sleep when another staffer makes a noise that wakes both of them. Explain in detail the bleary-eyed diatribe you will launch into criticizing the carelessness of your fellow staffer.

Advocacy 2 *

The same situation as above, but now the roles are reversed. Please explain in hostile detail how your fellow staffer is being accusatory and over-sensitive while justifying the ridiculous noise you just made as a commonplace occurrence.

Fecal Phalanges *

Please describe a time when two small people, with human feces on their hands, grabbed your hands and arms, in a borderline aggressive manner; how you dealt with the situation; and how you turned it into a positive outcome.