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You told me to write about you a number of times maybe? But I just don’t want.. yet. Maybe because I want to write about you without you telling me to do so. But here it is. I’m writing about you.

Why?

Well.. because this day is special.. And now I have the reason to write about you, to write to you. Haha.

Last summer, my birthday, you know you made me weep a little. Haha.. Well today, I want you to weep, too.

It’s been what? 7 years? 4 years in the corner of the classroom, always seatmates. Plus the years in college. Seven years of friendship? A big NO! Because friendship is not measured by years, not even by numbers.

And now I will bring you back. Back to those days.. not just happy days but also to the one that make us sad.

Remember the..

*FIDEL and (can’t write mine here)?
*time when we walk from one barangay all the way to San Agustin and we were a bit panicking and pretending to be calm as possible?
*time when you got angry with me because of the trike-thing? (It’s lunch time, first year maybe) I know it’s my fault and I apologize. But you were angry and you ignored me for sometime.
*trike days with Celine and Papaps? also the bus ride with Papaps and Celine where we were being hushed by the conductor?
*time when we’ve done all the things just to complete the Simbang gabi? Simba here and there. Simba this-and-that time.
*timessss when you pull my hair?
*time when you always “barat” trike drivers?
*time when you always say “papatayin kita!” and “kakalbuhin kita!”
*time you cried because of boodle fight? lol
*PRIVELAGE?? HAHAHA!
*Sanchai? the “c’mon-and-get-me” of the jeepney?
*stare-thing? how you’re so afraid(?) of it!

hmmm.. I’ve got lots of those things-to-reminisce but there are things I can’t write here. You know, secrets! Oh you know it already!!

I know you that much as how you’ve known me. As what you’ve said, “napakalaki mo na kasing parte ng buhay ko..” and “you know too much”.. Well it’s the same. You’ve been a part of my life and there are things that I don’t know if I can do if you’re not there.. And you also know TOO MUCH! HAHAHA. A big thanks to you!

But you think I will make it easy for you just because it’s your birthday? No way! HAHAHA So here! I’ve got you something to decode! Decode it!! I know you can (:

Like this:

WHAT IS mandala? That was my question, too, upon hearing it. Yes it is a requirement to us to make one. But even if it is a must-do, our prof told us to take it seriously and do it with a peace of mind. It is sacred, she said.

I search for it in the internet to understand more about mandala. Mandala means circle. It is “a representation of the unconscious self”. So I really need to take it seriously. Our prof said it will tell a lot about ourselves through that mandala. We can use whatever we wan, we can draw whatever we want. But the circle is a requirement. Also, we should be drawing in a place where we feel comfortable, in a quiet place, in a place where we are relaxed..

Yes I don’t have any problem on drawing because it’s my passion. I draw. I want to draw. Drawing has been ‘in’ me. The only problem that I knew I will encounter is how to start and how to finish it.

To be honest, I find it hard to make a mandala. I find myself stuck, with nothing to think and nothing to draw. I’ve managed to finish my mandala (almost) within a day. I started to draw then I’ll stop and think. Hmm.. not just think, more on.. reflect on myself, about myself. Then draw again. Reflect. Draw. Until I’m satisfied with it.

Background story: I don’t have a favorite color. And I stopped using color or oil pastel in drawing. I just use a pencil. But where I’m really comfortable is in using pen (ballpen). Yes, pen. It’s alright with me if I’ll have a mistake. What is in my mind is that, if i did something wrong, I’ll do anything and everything to make it as perfect as possible. I know I can’t make it right anymore but it doesn’t mean that it will not be perfect.

Being good is not a compilation of right, but a compilation of wrongs with the right things to do to make everything fall into place.

So here’s my mandala in the making using pen:

my all-set mandala

I want to elaborate what every symbol, drawing, or image drawn in my mandala but it will take too much time and too much words. So I just want you to understand it for yourself. But feel free to ask me anytime, I am more than willing to answer it (:

By the way, I named my mandala; Naked Colors. And I’ve got a number of reasons why.. But I’ll let you handle the realization of why such (;

Like this:

I WAS scrolling through my cellphone when I saw you driving downtown. Your stare was holding and now I’m paralyzed still stuck at that time. I’m standing here and can hardly breathe. Something’s telling me it might be you. This could not be happening to me. I want to know your name but I was much too shy. But I’ll never be the same, if we ever meet again.

You ask me my name. And I answered why don’t you stay? Let’s have a coffee and pie.

As days go by.. Your eyes, your smile, makes me want you. The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall. You can take my breath away. What if we fall in love the day today?

Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream. I’m the one who wants to be with you and deep inside I hope you’ll feel it too. I need to know I can see you smile each morning and look into your eyes each night for the rest of my life.

I love you like a love song. I like your smile. I like your vibe. I like your style. The reason I love you is you being you. Just you. I need you like water, like breath, like rain. I could be the one.

You were just a dream that I once knew. And you were there, you were everything I’d never seen. God gave me you.

But where have the times gone baby it’s all wrong, where are the plans we made for two? It’s sad, so sad. It’s a sad, sad situation.

I’ve been keepin’ busy all time just to try to keep you off my mind. It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late. I said it’s too late to apologize. I am in misery.

But if I let you go that will be the biggest mistake of my life. I don’t want you to be somebody that I used to know or even the one that got away.

I’d rather be strong. You’ll never know that it’s driving me crazy. But I won’t let it stop. I won’t give up on us. I remember the days.. The way you make me feel, you knock me off my feet.