Laurie: Dale's not perfect, I mean it's not cool he forges Dan Marino's autograph for a living, but I think he really cares about me, don't you?Travis: That depends, does he have your name tattooed anywhere on his body?Laurie: He says he does but I haven't been able to find it

Laurie: There's nothing in your purse except three hundred dollarsJules: That's five hundred, that's my half of a stupid bet bobby betLaurie: No, this feels like three hundred. My brother sold pot for six years

Laurie: Hey Grayson, if you were at a BBQ playing drinking games with your buds would you chug a girls beer and hug her sweetly from behind without trying to cop a feel if you weren't in love with her?Grayson: Please stop coming to my bar

Laurie [about Ellie]: She's hot for a frigid, beastly, elderly womanEllie: You think I'm hotJules: That worked?Ellie: Well yeah because if that trashy big lipped slag said it, it might be a little trueLaurie: You think I have big lips? That's really sweet