Tag Archives: Impact Play

Mine and Jess’ conversation on my last post has been on my mind non-stop for the last 2 days now. I just keep thinking about all the questions she’s asked, all the things that could potentially happen with this idea and I have not been able to stop the constant stream of thoughts. She wants me to get down to details about what it is that I really want out of a kinky lifestyle, what does that even look like for me. And while I can come up with a few things, I feel like I’m just continually blanking. As I’ve said before, over the last few months, even more like a year, I’ve become really uncaring about kink. It’s really sad and hard for me to deal with a lot of times, but when I wasn’t being complacent about it, I was always upset about it and it was beginning to affect the little bit of vanilla sex that I do get. And I’m sure I’ve said this before too, that I’d rather be getting some vanilla sex and no kinky sex than getting no vanilla sex and no kinky sex. So really, this conversation is really shoving in my face how uncaring I have become and that’s being the thing that I’m having the hardest time with. How could I have let myself go like that?!?

Am I getting lost within the confines of my relationship? Am I losing sight of what it is that I have so desperately wanted for so many years? Can I even still call myself kinky when I’ve become the way that I am with it? And what the hell am I going to do about it? I feel like I’m breaking up with a boyfriend that I’ve had for so many years and this is all so sudden… I guess really it’s not, it’s just the first time that I’m really acknowledging it all.

But I figured, Jess had some really great questions about my kinky interests and I’ve never really put all of them together. My interests are kind of scattered over a bunch of posts all over the place and most of them only encompass the things that I know and have experienced and not the things that I want to know and want to experience. So, we’re going to attempt to narrow some things down – wish me luck.

Let’s start with what Jess posted:

“Can I recommend as a follow up post to this that you post exactly what you’re looking for. From this post I get your interested in having others control what you wear. What other aspects of your life are you looking for others so control? Do you have any limits? This way if your asked to do something we know ahead of time what you will/will not do.”

First of all, I notice that I do tend to use the “control what I wear” thing a lot as an example of something kinky. It’s popped up in almost every single post I’ve ever made about my interests in kink, I’m sure of it. That is one little area, that is a lot harder to do than you would think. My wardrobe, as it currently stands, is pretty boring and rather unsexy. Lots of comfy yoga type pants and baggy t-shirts. I rarely ever wear underwear (except for when it’s period time) and I haven’t worn a bra for anything but nights out in mega years. I don’t own a single piece of lingerie and I have one pair of high heels, one pair of winter boots and one pair of runners (which need to be replaced this summer). I dress like a mom… I’m also incredibly un-girly when it comes to how I look on a day-to-day basis. I don’t wear make up, the only things I know how to do with my hair are put them in braids or a ponytail, I never wear perfume and when it comes to products to use, I own so little that most people would probably be shocked. I know men with more product than I have…

But, that’s not really how I want it to be. I want to be the type of person who dresses in a way that would be pleasing to someone else’s eye. I want to be the type of person that wakes up in the morning, an hour early, to perfect my make up and hair. I want to be the type of girl who wears high heels for more than just fulfilling my partner’s fantasy during sex or owns a skirt for something other than just sleeping in. I want to wear a bra for some other reason than to just sit around the house in. That’s probably why I always turn to this particular kink as an example…

Another thing that I’d like to point out is that I haven’t always wanted to be submissive and I haven’t always identified as a S/switch, which is what I currently identify as. Prior to getting with The Boyfriend, it was never really a thought to do anything but dominate. I wanted to be the dominant in a relationship and have my own submissive. But as the 4th baby rolled around and The Boyfriend was naturally more of a leader than I was, it just kind of happened. One day, I was completely interested in nothing but domination and slowly, I found myself being much more interested in being his submissive, submitting to him. As the years have gone on and he’s lost all interest, I’m sticking with the submissive end of things because it’s now where I find comfort – although being that I’ve never really experienced either of them, I can’t really say either way which one I’d chose for sure…

Okay, so let’s get back to Jess’ comment. “What other aspects of your life are you looking for others to control?“, to which I can only only think, “All of them!“. The clothes I wear, the times I sleep, the way I conduct my day, the days I have to shave, the times I’m allowed to be on the computer or watching TV, the foods I’m allowed to eat, the things that I’m allowed to say in certain situations, the eye contact I’m allowed to make, the sex I’m allowed to have, really the possibilities are endless.

When it comes to kink, I have a whole wide variety of interests. I want behavior modification with punishments and rewards, I want impact play and sensation play, I want to be constantly put in my submissive place, always being reminded that I am owned, I am somebody’s and that that is the most important job (next to being a mom) that I have. Pleasing someone. Being what they need or want me to be. Or at least, that’s what I currently view submission for me as…

My only known limits are that I won’t do anything that involves poop, pee and puke (The Three P’s). It’s just not something that interests me at this time in my life. Outside of that, I’m really unsure of what limits I would have, because I have a curious interest in almost everything else. For example, my current list of “Into” and “Curious About” fetishes on my FetLife profile is pretty massive and I haven’t even updated it in awhile – then again, what’s on there is a really good start.

So for now, I’ll just leave you with this list and over time, you’ll notice these items turning into links as I do more in-depth posts about my interests. I’ve also put little stars besides the things on my “Curious About” list that are really high up there on my list of what I want to experience (*), and yes this list doesn’t currently exist… You can also expect to see multiple posts of the same title (with parts 1, 2, 3, etc.) further exploring any other comments that come my way regarding my interests in kink. I imagine this will be an interesting little journey we’ll be taking.

Into:

anal beads (giving)

ass play (everything to do with it)

ass worship (everything to do with it)

bare bottom spanking(receiving)

bare handed spanking (receiving)

biting (everything to do with it)

blood (everything to do with it)

blow jobs(giving)

bondage tape (receiving)

breasts (everything to do with it)

bruises(receiving)

choking (receiving)

cocksucking (giving)

crops (everything to do with it)

cum (everything to do with it)

cunnilingus (everything to do with it)

cutting(everything to do with it)

deep throating (giving)

dildos (receiving)

erotic literature (everything to do with it)

flogging (everything to do with it)

foot massage (receiving)

foot/feet (everything to do with it)

gagging/choked by cock (receiving)

hair pulling (receiving)

hairbrush spanking (receiving)

handcuffs (wearing)

handjobs (giving)

ice cubes (receiving)

impact play(receiving)

kissing (everything to do with it)

leaving marks (receiving)

light bondage (receiving)

lingerie (wearing)

massages (receiving)

masturbation(everything to do with it)

monogamy (everything to do with it)

music (everything to do with it)

mutual masturbation (everything to do with it)

nipples (everything to do with it)

nudity (everything to do with it)

oral sex (everything to do with it)

outdoor sex (everything to do with it)

scratching (giving)

spanking (everything to do with it)

swallowing (giving)

switching (everything to do with it)

talking dirty(everything to do with it)

vibrators (everything to do with it)

writing erotica(everything to do with it)

And that’s just the things that I’ve had experience with. My list of curiosities is even longer…

So, I think the way to get what I want, sexually speaking, from this relationship is to wear heels. A few nights back, The Boyfriend had mentioned that one day he would like to have sex with me wearing nothing but high heels. Isn’t it nice that days after he mentions a new-found fantasy, I gladly and willingly give it to him?!? Anyways, not the point!

It’s been really hot here, so before the night even got started, I hopped in for a nice cold shower. Then, I slid my heels on and we went out on the deck for a smoke. He’s also mentioned a desire to fuck me on the balcony, but that’s one that I’m a little bit more nervous about. We are literally surrounded by other people and I’m sure one glance out of their balcony doors would give them a nice little show. And while that’s part of the thrill of the whole thing, I’m just not there yet. However, we did tease each other more than a bit on the balcony, giving us the perfect start to a fun-filled evening.

When you get to the edge of my living room, there is a divider wall and then the stairs. This divider wall has a post about 5 or 6 inches across that goes right up to the ceiling. I had never realized before last night, but it makes a pretty decent little area to lean up against while he plays from behind. So in my high heels and at this point, nothing but a short housecoat, I instructed him to put on a playlist entitled “sex” and began gently swaying my hips as I bent over and against this post.

As the likes of Rabba Shanks, Barry Manilow, Salt N’ Pepa and Bubba Sparxxx (not a playlist I made, so don’t knock the choices!) flooded the speakers, he came up behind me. Resting his hands on my hips, and pushing himself up against, but not inside of me, he let me continue to curve my hips this way and that and I would even like to believe he was doing a little bit of it himself. I think my wetness took him by surprise, as much as it had taken me the same way.

Gently at first, he thrust himself into me and I continued to grind. He collected my hair in his hands and pulled my head back, causing my whole body to sit into his cock. My legs shook, completely unused to these high heels I was wearing. It’s been a good long while since I’ve even had them on, so I had to keep telling myself, “Just pretend you’re standing on your tip toes!” and I was delighted when this worked, for the most part. Hard, deep and totally sexy thrusting went on for a few minutes, until my calves were on fire from these heels. They’re only about 3 or 4 inches, I think… You’ve probably seen them before. I don’t think I’ve ever worn them for as long as I wore them last night!

I turned around on him and he attempted to raise one leg and enter me up against this post still. Before he even got my leg halfway up, I quickly said no. I was not about to even think about falling down the stairs, which I mean, wouldn’t have been all that easy, but it could’ve happened! He tried saying he had “got me”, but I was not having any of that. I straightened my housecoat out and walked away, instructing him to get our bed ready.

We recently got a webcam and we’ve been making quite a few different videos. It started as my suggestion, the overall record-sex-with-webcam idea. But I wasn’t about to be the one to say, “Wanna turn on the cam tonight?” first, so it was a huge relief when he said it first. I think we’re up to 5 or 6, and chances are you will never see any of them 😉 Again, not the point!

He had promised me earlier in the week that tonight we would watch over all the videos we had made. I had already seen them all but he hadn’t seen any yet. The night before last, we had the camera rolling for our 4th successful go at anal and that was, of course, the video that he wanted to see first. It was already really late by this point, as the previous teasing had probably gone on for over 2 hours! So, The Boyfriend was pretty tired and it was rather visible, but he patiently sat watching fighting the urge to close his eyes and it ended up being much more fun than I had expected it to be.

As we watched and were both taken aback by how quickly the anal happened, even though we felt like it had gone on for so long, The Boyfriend began talking about how proud he was that I did so well. A few good girls got mentioned, causing me to shiver with joy every single time. Then, he said, “We should get you a sticker chart…”, to which my body completely stiffened as I anticipated the words that escaped his lips moments later, “… And we could track how many times in a period of time that we successfully have anal. Then, if you get that certain number of stickers, you could get a spanking.” I was literally speechless!!

Imagine my absolute delight when he said all this. I told him that what he just described incorporates so much of what I want. Rewards for good (sexual) deeds, anal training and impact play. And all I have to do is have anal every once and awhile. Sounds like a good freaking deal to me! Who knows if it will ever go past that conversation – knowing him it won’t – but for now, I’m just going to live vicariously through that conversation. And now, we’re back at the video…

The other night, The Boyfriend and I were talking about various things. At one point, I said, “I really want to go dancing at a nightclub” and he said, “You’ve got a better chance of getting laid!”. So of course, I jump straight to, “What about a better chance of getting a spanking?” and his response:

“Don’t Push It!”

Seriously?!? Don’t push it!

Have I not been complaining on this blog that I have been holding back as it is, HARDCORE! I hardly ever mention it to him now and when I do it’s in a completely joking manner and I make that obvious. I know that I’m not going to get it, but seriously?!? Why should I not “push it”? It’s not like when I do “push it” that I get anything out of that. Exactly the opposite, the more I push for it, the less likely I am to get it.

I’m sad that I promised myself after Alfie that I was going to get into a kinky relationship and escape this vanilla-ism. Then, The Boyfriend allowed me glimpses of what I could have, now that I was no longer in a vanilla relationship. For an entire year, we were exploring, we were experimenting, we were both having lots of horny fun. Unless he was seriously faking that entire time. I’m sad that here I am, years later, still in a vanilla relationship.

And I wish there was a way that I could talk him into it. It would be different if you didn’t see spanking in the vanilla world. If spanking was truly just a kinky thing, it would make sense to me that he wouldn’t be interested. It would make sense if at one time, he didn’t enjoy spanking. But he did and spanking appears everywhere in the vanilla world. Especially vanilla porn, which we’ve been watching a heck of a lot of. No complaints there!

Then, Taboo’s coming to town and it’s been on my sexual bucket list. And another year is going to pass where I don’t get to go, because it’s out of The Boyfriend’s comfort level or whatever like that. It’s just so disappointing. I am such a sexual person and I feel like I’m being sexually stunted everywhere I turn. From The Boyfriend’s lack of interest in anything outside of regular normal sex (and the occasional attempt at anal sex) to even my Mom saying that she doesn’t believe that I actually like spankings but more that I like the idea of them.

I call bullshit…

If I didn’t actually like spankings, then I wouldn’t want them all the time! I wouldn’t be thinking about them, when I should be thinking about other things, like my work. I wouldn’t be dreaming of them and I wouldn’t be so upset that I wasn’t getting them. And it’s not just spanking, even though that’s the only word I really use. But it’s impact play in general. It’s spanking, it’s cropping, it’s flogging and it’s a fantasy to be caned (though I’ve never even been close to that experience).

When I think about all the kinky things that I want to experience that I haven’t yet and that I won’t get to, it is almost debilitating the disappointment I feel. So much of my life, so many years, has been made up of the desire to have these things. And so many years has been made of disappointment and let down. I keep thinking that one day I will get it, but then I wonder from who, because it certainly won’t be The Boyfriend.

And it won’t be anyone else. He won’t share me (though I don’t mind that aspect – especially being that I only want to be hit by him) and I won’t leave him over this. Like I’ve said so many times before, outside of this one thing, we have such a great relationship. He is everything I’ve ever wanted in a man and everything I didn’t know that I needed. He makes my life better just by being a part of it. How could I possibly give that up just because I’m not getting my kink on?

I’m just at a complete loss of what to do. I hate when the lack of kink starts making me depressed, because it doesn’t make any sense. I hate when I feel like I can’t function because I haven’t gotten the spanking or the flogging or the hair-pulling that I so badly desire. I hate when my day is filled with fantasizing about things that realistically speaking, might never be. I hate when that makes me so sad and I feel helpless to it. I hate when I feel like I have no control over my own sexuality.

Even though, I know full well that I do. I hold the power. But at what cost?

To get what I want kink-wise, would mean that I would have to leave The Boyfriend and find a kinky person to play with on a semi-regular basis. Sounds like a simple thing, doesn’t it? It’s not! It’s not, especially when you love The Boyfriend and especially when you have 4 kids. I can’t even describe to you the amount of difficulty that that presents. And not a simple, “I can fix this” type of difficult, it’s such a complex, complicated, heart-wrenching, disaster type of diffuclt. Just thinking about how hard it would all be causes my heart to beat faster and my palms to sweat.

Sidenote:

I just realized that I’ve been relating my kink desires with my sexual desires a lot, and I don’t mean to do that in that way. I don’t think that you can only have kink if it’s somehow followed up by sex. I don’t think that all kinky acts lead to sexual acts or sexual arousal. I think it is absolutely possible to have a kinky relationship with someone without ever participating in any sexual activity – especially when your interests are the same as mine in this respect.

This is the problem. The Boyfriend is the first guy that has not only treated me really well, but he also treats himself really well. I don’t have to mother him, and I don’t have to force him to keep his job and he takes care of himself (to a degree… It’s not like he’s cleanly or does his own laundry or anything like that, but he’s the first guy that I don’t feel like I have to remind to do any of that stuff or that I feel mad when I have to do it instead). He’s also the first relationship that I’ve had that isn’t explosive and dramatic and a scary rollercoaster ride. So, he’s the first guy that I really trust and that I feel absolutely safe with. He has brought out a whole side of myself that I didn’t even know existed.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, before The Boyfriend, I never considered touching submission. I knew that I liked being in control and I despised feeling in anyway vulnerable. From both the sexual and non-sexual perspectives, I was in all ways determined to be the dominant force in any relationship I’ve ever had, even when it was just friends. I was the boss, period. Then The Boyfriend and I started dating and I naturally fell into longing for him to take control and craving vulnerability. Especially in the bedroom! And he is naturally very good at playing the leader, though I have no idea if he feels that way. I know the idea of submission for himself, repulses him.

And then I got it for a bit. He took me there. We learnt together and we played together. Even if at the time, I didn’t look at it that way and even if at that time, I still complained that it wasn’t exactly what I wanted, we did have kink together. He made me feel vulnerable and I gave him the freedom to strip away my control – though I make it sound like it was some deep subspace-y experience, when really it only is in hindsight. But we had it. I had it. And now, that’s all that I have… A distant memory of what we once had.

All day today, whenever I’ve had just a spare moment to think, I completely blank out and all I can think about is:

That’s Right!
Spanking!

I want it for fun, I want it for pleasure, I want it for punishment, I want it for pain, I want it for foreplay and I want it all the time! All I seem to keep going back to is having a nice bare hand come down on my firm bare ass. I long to feel my skin flinch beneath the force and I crave my moans of ecstacy.

I want to be made to bend this way and that, in whatever angle my ass looks most pleasing, and I want a succession of blows rained upon it. I want my cheeks to swell and pulse with the hot redness only bare hands can provide and I want to feel on fire with the passion that is gravitating towards my dampening lips.

I desperately want to be flung over his knee and pinned down as I struggle against the burning contact. I want him to pull my head back and gently slip his finger into me, before continuing to spank me, telling me that I’ve been a very dirty and yet still a very good girl. I want to be made to suck his cock as he continues to slap my bare behind, the skin scorching and my pussy frantically desiring him in it.

Even after a build up that feels as if it lasts forever, the sex begins and he steadily and rhythmically slaps my flesh, causing me to screech and flinch with every thrust. He slows down and slaps my ass harder and then thrusts faster and harder as sharper slaps fall on my flesh. I push against it, sweat dripping from my hair and no matter how hard he slaps, I still crave it harder and faster and rougher.

And of course, every time I think it, I also think, “This will never be my reality…”

Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous offers a variety of features all aimed to help you connect with other adult bloggers. Even if you aren’t interested in actually starting your own adult blog, you’ll be able to discover new blogs to read, get great blogging tips and tricks, and be able to connect with your favorite bloggers.

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In this post, I’m going to outline some of the features of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous as well as highlight some of my favorite groups, discussions and blog posts. Please feel free to browse around the site and definitely don’t hestitate to become a member today!

As a non-member you can read the blog. Once you become a member, you unlock the ability to begin writing your very own blog entires on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous.

Our blog has an integrated comment system and the ability to share posts via Twitter and Facebook. Easily post to the blog with a Rich Text Editor, or if you’re feeling a little adventurous switch over to HTML mode*. Currently, we offer a total of 10 categories which include:

If you’re looking to have discussions on just about any topic with just about anyone, the forums are the place to go. Non-members have limited access to the forums and can only see the General Discussions forum. Members, however, are given access to all the forums which includes For The Bloggers, Sexuality & You and BDSM & Fetishes (again, suggestions are greatly appreciated!). Each of these forum categories have a variety of sub-categories and even more topics within. Here are some of the best discussions right now:

Of course, this is just some of my personal favorites from Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. There are many more discussions happening and many more waiting to be had. So what are you waiting for? Become a member today to start participating in lively discussions on blogging, sexuality, BDSM and fetishes!

If you’ve ever wanted to connect with like-minded adult bloggers, groups are definitely the way to go! Groups are a great way to gather individuals on a niche topic. First and foremost, I strongly suggest that any member of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous joins our official group. All the latest site updates and announcements are posted there. As a non-member, you can see what we have to offer for groups, but as a member not only can you join groups that have already been created, you can also start your very own niche group.

Currently, these are the groups that you can find on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous:

Canadian kinksters come together in this group. Whether your from the East or the West, you can connect with other Canadians. If you’re from Alberta, like me, then check out the Alberta Connecttopics to meet other Albertan.

Of course I made this group!! NO BOYS ALLOWED! Women, let’s get together and have a chat, okay? Let’s talk about all the things us girls talk about, okay? If you’re into that, then join this group!

I’m always looking for suggestions for new groups, so if you’ve got any that you think would be a great addition, either become a member of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and create them yourself, or leave a comment to this post and I’ll see what I can do!

Some of the other features we offer include photos, videos and a chat room. You can upload your own photos to the site if you’re a member, though please be sure to read the Community Guidelines first! You can also share videos from popular video sharing sites such as YouTube and Vimeo. Again, we’re always open to suggestion but so far the video categories include:

Here’s one of my favorite videos on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. It’s from a Canadian group called The Wet Spots, who I’ve become more and more obsessed with. Be sure to check out the bottom of this post for another awesome video!

At the moment, the chat room is usually pretty dead. Although, you can make it so you can chat to your Facebook friends without ever leaving Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. That all being said, there are plans in the works to start doing scheduled chats a few nights a week. There is even a discussion going on in the Suggestion Box about it.

Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous is also elsewhere around the web. Firstly, we’re on Facebook! “Like” our fan page to get site updates, participate in all sorts of conversations and get the chance to see exclusive content. You can also follow me, @blogaholica, on Twitter to get LBA updates.

So, if you didn’t know about Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, you do now! To summarize, it’s a free online social networking community for lifestyle, adult and sex bloggers and I would love it if you would check it out and if you feel compelled, become a member today! If you have any questions or comments, please don’t hestitate to leave your comments below or contact me. Thanks for checking it out!

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