Special Times

No matter how well prepared you try to be, you may find yourself blindsided with grief, particularly during the first year without your loved one. Holidays and anniversaries may be difficult. Think about altering traditions if they are too painful in the absence of a family member.

Here are some tips to cope

1. Decide what you can handle comfortably and then let your family and friends know. Consider whether you'd like to talk about the death openly; whether you'd prefer someone else take on traditional tasks, such as the family dinner; or whether you will stay home for the holidays or get away to someplace new.

2. Change can make things less painful; give yourself permission to do things differently. For example, let others take over holiday tasks, attend a new place of worship, celebrate in someone else's home or have dinner at a different time.

3. Find comfort in helping others. Donate the money you would have spent on the deceased's gifts to a charity -- consider a cause important to your loved one -- or adopt a needy family for the holidays.