How to talk to your teenager about stress, anxiety and depression

Over half of parents in England have never spoken to their children about mental health issues, including stress, anxiety and depression. This is despite the fact that one in 10 young people will experience a mental health problem before the age of 16.

The study was carried out by Time to Change, the anti-stigma campaign run by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness. We asked Jo Loughran, head of Children and Young People at Time to Change, for tips and advice for parents on how to talk to teenagers about mental health issues.

Talking about mental health

1. Remember that listening can be more important and significant than talking. Always take time to listen to what your teenager is saying.

2. Keep conversations small and informal. You don't have to set aside hours to chat. Strike up a conversation in the car, over a meal, or while you're watching TV.

3. Put experiences in context. We all have mental health, just as we all have physical health. Mental wellbeing doesn't mean feeling happy all the time, and mental problems are common.

4. Depersonalise the situation, as you might find it easier to talk about a hypothetical event rather than asking direct questions about their feelings. For example, saying 'Exams can be really stressful, can't they?' or chatting about the experiences of a TV character.

5. Hear what's true for them. You might not understand or agree with their feelings or way of seeing things, but they might be true for them in that moment.

'Talking about mental health breaks down the taboos surrounding it,' says Jo. 'The more open we are, the more we enable young people to look after their own mental health, reduce the stigma around asking for help, and help them to support their peers.'

Jessica Kwamin, 24, experienced depression and anxiety as a teenager. She says : 'It's not about saying,"Look we think you have a mental health problem, let's talk about it." It's more about making it a topic of everyday conversation, so that it doesn't go under the radar and get worse.'

In this way, she explains, if your child is having a tough time, they are less likely to bottle it up because they are worried how you will react. She advises that it's all about being prepared to listen and taking your child's fears and anxieties seriously.

Try not to do these when talking about mental health

1. Avoid situations where you blame, lecture, accuse, judge or tell your child what they should have done. Instead listen to their story and let them know you empathise with how they feel.

2. Don't be impatient or short-tempered with your child when they are sad or anxious. Avoid making judgemental statements such as 'Okay, so you're sad again, why?'

3. Don't make it all about them. Share a situation where you felt worried, stressed or anxious to let them know that what they are feeling is natural.

4. Don't be dismissive of their worries and fears, no matter how trivial they may seem to you. Never tell them they are just being silly.

5. Don't bottle up your own emotions; your children will learn by watching you. Encourage good coping skills by demonstrating them openly.

'If you are feeling unsure about broaching the topic of mental health with your son or daughter, remember one of the most significant things for young people is that they know they can come talk to you if they are worried about their mental health,' says Jo Loughran.

'Talking about it doesn't need to be difficult or scary and you don't need to be an expert, simply being open to talking about mental health can make a huge difference.'