Your German is not bad at all :) Don't worry about it; there are lots of people out there who just use google translate and come up with hilarious "German" sentences. :D You really tried (and succeeded).

But I don't get why the story is called "Edelweiß".

just a girl chapter 1 . 11/2/2012

so i'm always interested to read something about these two, beacause there are really not many storys out there.
as it so happens, i am a german & at first i want to you to tell you, that's great that you're learning another language - always helps in your life :)
so... because you said, you want someonw to correct your mistakes: "Für das Größere Wohl" you have to write "Größere" witch a capital c because it's kind of a slogan and Greater Good just got translated like this in the books:) furthermore you use Wohl instead of Gut - they are synonyms but Wohl is a older and melodically more pleasant word to match the meaning. and that's also the reason why you have to add the ending -ere to Größere. Wohl is feminine and you ask: "Für wen oder was?"-"For who or what?" So it's Akkusativ.

by the way: i reall enjoyed this short piece of writing. the scene you created was really emotionally intense. i will definitely check out your other stories!