The Power of Being Self-ishyour career,your life In our fast-paced culture of should've- would've-could've, it is extremely difficultto balance work and family. In fact, it is sodifficult that I gave up on it years ago. InsteadI decided to become incredibly self-ish. "But,"you protest,"being selfish is a bad thing." Ichallenge you to you reframe that notion -because selfish may be about yo u; but self-ishis about becoming a better you.Once upon a ti.m.e, I was a full-time collegestudent. I also was a wife, a m other of t wo youngchildren, a part-time employee, a member ofthe Junior League, and chair of the communi-ty action corrulUttee. (This is before I learnedthe beauty of being self-ish.)Three weeks before Christmas I had a majorpaper due, a party for 40 people for which toprepare and a snow storm on the horizon. Inthe middle of all this my daughter woke upwith chicken pox. Between making chickensoup and applying calamine lotion, I attemptedto type my paper, bake and shovel snow. I wascompletely stressed in my attempt to be allthings to all people. I was anxious and impatientand certainly not much fun. So much for theseason to be jolly.To preserve my sanity, I decided not to sendChristmas cards that year. Although my motherlater informed me that people thought I haddied because they did not get a card and awonderfully crafted Christmas letter, no onedisowned me. In fact, I don't think most peoplenoticed. But 1noticed - the incredible reliefat having one less project to complete.That was a turning point in my life. I realizedthat even the best time-management strategiesprovided only an illusion of controLThe mostorganized schedule can become chaotic witha sick child, a snowstorm or a power outage. Iwas struck by the need for making decisionsabout work and life based on what was trulyimportant to me.Skipping the card ritual that year was onetiny step in moving toward extreme self-care (orself-ishness). However, overcoming the nega-tive connotations of extreme self-care takeswork. I learned that you can be extremelyself-ish and still care about others. Even theairlines tell you to put your oxygen mask onfirst before you attempt to help others.The most inlportant part of your life isyou, a fact many ofus forget as we arepulled in manydirections at once.We put thedemands of work,the needs of our families and comnutments toour communities ahead of our wants andneeds. We are frazzled and exhausted and run-ning on empty, but we don't know how toget off the hamster wheel. The irony is that bybecoming self-ish, by getting your needs met,you will develop a reserve of energy andresources - so you can take care of others.The truth is that it's impossible to do every-thing well. Having it all is a myth. Instead, youneed to decide what constitutes a good life foryou. What brings you joy? What are you com-mitted to right now How has today added tothe quality of your life? Be careful not to com-pare yourself to other people. There always willbe people who have more than you do; therealso will be people who have less. What worksfor someone else may not work for you. This isyour life, your time, your well-being.To practice extreme self-care you must setyour priorities and make choices - and youdo have choices. Distinguish between yourlife and a lifestyle. Are you living life fully inthe moment, doing satisfying work, spendingtime with people you love; or are you push-ing for a lifestyle that requires more money, abigger house, a more elaborate vacation,longer hours at work? The choice is yours.Being self-ish also requires that you stoptrying to rescue the world. When you put theneeds of everyone ahead of your own, you arelimiting their ability to step into their ownpower. How will they discover what they cando if you always do it for them?[n order to love your neighbor (or spouseor child) as yourself, you must love yourselffirst. Invest in the wellness ofyour body, nundand spirit. Get self-ish. •Unda Conklin is the GAlls manager of Alumni Career Services.For information on career-related issues, contact her at(919) 962-3749 or bye-mail at linda_conklin@unc.edu.More of her advice and other career-related informationcan be found on the Career Services section of the GMsWeb site: alumnLunc.edu/career.62