Understanding through the written context

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Well, it has been a while! I have been busy and VERY tired. You see, around January, my husband and I made an incredible discovery…we are going to be parents! We were both very surprised and not expecting that AT ALL. God is good and has quite the sense of humor. Last year I was all over the place. I was in several different situations that had a HUGE impact on me and the people around me. It’s been quite a journey (and still is), but I feel like I could not start to heal, or recover, had none of those moments happened. I didn’t have much clarity, but with God, intensive therapy, strategies and tools, continual counseling and support from others, (and medication) I have been able to stabilize my emotional state rather well. However, I have had some moments of weakness (because gosh – I’m NOT perfect). I do feel and know that I am thinking clearly and interpreting others intentions much better, and on a regular basis. In addition to that, my reactiveness towards people and situations is more rational and thought-out. I also have the validation from both my counselor and psychiatrist – which helps me move forward in positive way!

Now, with all that being said, God’s timing IS perfect. Since we found out we are expecting, I have been NOTHING but calm and at peace. I have been trusting in God’s plan for this child from day one, and I have continued to have that mind set. Since the first moment we found out I was pregnant, I immediately prayed, ‘God I know this child is not specifically for us, but yet for you and your kingdom; to glorify your name. I am thankful that you have given us this opportunity to nurture this child, raise this child, and teach this child all about you. I know we do not deserve this chance, this life, or anything we have been given, but because you are so merciful, forgiving, loving and faithful, you graciously bless us with these moments and opportunities. So, thank you God. Thank you for creating, protecting and giving this child strength.” Not to mention, that this has pretty much been my prayer each night. Each night I thank God for another day with this child and I pray for continued support and guidance (and support for my hubby) as I go along my pregnancy.

Like I said, I have not been on here much because I have been VERY TIRED. Most days I come home and sleep for a few hours, eat something and usually go to bed. I just didn’t have the energy or cognitive capacity to divulge in any type of blog writing. Now that I am on Spring Break, I have started to catch up on some sleep and I found myself energized enough to write! So, yay!

I just want to write on one more thought, and then I have to go – unfortunately. But this thought prompted me to want to come on here. I have been taking a course, online, to become certified in a specific model used at my school. While watching one of the webcasts assigned, I started thinking about my work in comparison to other fields. What I appreciate most about my job and school is our connective, multidisciplinary and interdisciplinary approach and collaboration. We work together – and we do it well. I think about how for so long I wanted to be a teacher and I had that expectation that, that was going to happen. When it didn’t, I struggled with my identity because I didn’t know who I was suppose to be anymore. Very parallel to my latest experience in life! However, by the grace of God and His purposeful plan, He has lead me where I have needed to be. And sometimes, I find myself doubting my knowledge of my field, but He always reminds me of the wealth of intelligence He has developed in me and that He is not done. I love what I do because it’s not about me. Our school is very focused on our students and that they come first – always. I appreciate that because I remember praying for soooo long to be at a school that had integrity, was just, had a clear mission, focused on the CHILDREN, not money, was stable and sound in foundational and challenging circumstances and very importantly supported it’s staff and their efforts. I didn’t know a place like this existed, until I started where I am now. I am thankful and sometimes I wish I could speak a little more effectively and communicate to others what our school does. It’s always SO confusing to other people and then, sometimes, I think they think I don’t know what I am talking about or what I am doing. When, in actuality I most certainly do! I just lose my words under pressure!

Anyway, this post was rather random. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t write for a while! I am mostly sending a message of ‘thankfulness’ because I am grateful for all that God does and how He is always faithful – even when I am not.

Unit next time…adios.

-S-

P.S. forgive me if there are grammatical errors or typos! Been a while!