STATCOUNTER

Customer Service

I don’t typically name actual names when I am critiquing some marketing faux pas. If there is a point to be made, identifying the brand isn’t usually the point. But I am not sure how to hide the identity of today’s center of attention, so here goes, names and all.

I joined the Ambassador Club of the InterContinental Hotel Group, specifically for the benefits that would accrue to the long weekend my family and I were spending in one of their high end hotels. (The group owns or manages many different names, from their highest end InterContinental brand, to Holiday Inn and Crowne Plaza.)

The Club offered a free weekend night, and the cost of joining was less than the actual hotel room price, so I figured I would be way ahead of the game. Plus they offered other perks.

Well, the complimentary night never happened, and I won’t bore you with the “He said, “ “She said” details. But I did get a nice room upgrade, as promised, and a late checkout, which they had also had touted in their invitation to join the Club.

They also proudly offered, as part of their exclusive benefits—while they looked forward to making my experience as rewarding as possible—“complimentary fresh fruit and mineral water.” More specifically, “Refreshments will always be waiting in your room upon arrival, with mineral water replenished daily.”

Yep, that’s the fruit and water image above. Two apples and a banana. Shrink wrapped on a plate. No basket. And one lonely bottle of water (never replenished during my stay).

Remember, this is at one of their top tier resorts, not their Holiday Inn Express. Makes you feel kinda special, doesn’t it?

This article in Bloomberg news certainly puts it into context: InterContinental is trying to cut costs at all of its hotels until business travelers, one of the main sources of revenue, return to the market in greater numbers, IHG Chief Executive Officer Andrew Cosslett said in an interview on Aug. 11. “If you make small savings, such as the amount of food on the buffet or the different types of apples or even taking the pool temperate down one or two degrees, it does make a difference,” he said.

While Mr. Cosslett didn’t mention the complimentary fruit plate by name, he is indeed correct. It does make a difference. But probably not the kind of difference he was thinking about.

Got the idea?

P.S. Can’t resist adding, verbatim, part of the response from the hotel in regard to the free night. Count the typos, errors and basic illiteracy and win a prize: You have raised matter of being misinformed by hotel hence, our representative immdiately to contacted the hotel to show our willingness to be an assistance as always

I never thought I would purchase a pair of shoes online; the correct sizes are difficult enough to figure out in shoe stores, let alone when you can’t try them on. And who knows what the actual color might be (Brown? There must be 67 shades, each called “Brown.”).

Then I found a site called Zappos, which sounded terrific —and this does have a very happy customer service ending. They offer free shipping both ways, and a 365-day return policy. Plus, free phone service or live chat. And if the pair they sent does not fit, they will send you a different size to try, and you just return the one that does not fit properly.

The glitch was that though they offered me free VIP overnight shipping, (for no reason I could discern), the shoes actually were shipped out standard delivery. This meant I would have to wait 4 or five days, which would have been OK, except for their promise, and my expectation, of speedier delivery. I wrote to tell of my disappointment, and they called and offered up a $25 coupon on my next purchase, which certainly quickly took the sting out.

And then came the service surprise. Below is the front of the card I unexpectedly received from them.

When I read the inside, I was blown away.

The handwritten note had a drawing of a light bulb, and the thought, “Keep those ideas coming.” Obviously Eric, the note writer, had taken the extra effort to visit my blog—the address was on the bottom of my cranky complaint e-mail—and personalized a thank-you note. My first reaction, being a New Yorker, is, “Hey, this guy is stalking me.” But then my paranoia receded, and I accepted it as the exceedingly grand gesture it was.

Do your service people go that extra mile? Few do, but those that do can make a real difference, just as the wicked witch of the west approach can ruin a relationship. Perhaps in this day of instant communication, it makes sense to picture the customer on the other end as a major blogger, or Tweeter; though you are talking to one voice, you may actually be dealing with a full chorus.

I am a Mac user, and for the past four years or so I have happily used a wireless mouse from Kensington.

Then, last week, the mouse died. There was an 800-phone number on the bottom of the mouse, which I called, and someone tried to talk me through possible solutions. None of them worked, and I told the person, no big deal, it is almost five years old. He then asked for the serial number, which was also on the bottom, and quickly told me that it was still under warranty, and they would be glad to ship me the newest model, with no charge for the replacement or the shipping, and that I could just discard the broken mouse.

Do you see what they are doing here:• A toll-free number• A five-year warranty. (FIVE years.)• Phone number conveniently handy so you can easily reach them.• A serial number on the product so you don’t have to wonder where the box with the number was, or where the years’ old receipt could be• Free replacement AND FREE shipping of the new mouse• No need to send in the broken product as proof, they actually believed the customer.• I received the replacement in less than five days

Is this the kind of customer service you are offering, or do you make it as difficult as possible?• Normal long distance charges apply. Hey, you’re a business, not a charity.• No phone number anywhere on the product or package. Let them look it up somewhere if they really want to contact you• A one-year warranty should be long enough for most people...that’s over 300 days!• Before you actually replace something, try to prove the problem was their fault, so that the warranty is void; it was dropped, manhandled, exposed to radiation.• Charge for shipping and maybe make a little profit here to make up for your inconvenience.• No need to rush to get it sent. Three to four weeks seems about right.

Which way will pay off in the long term? Who will get positive reviews on blogs and consumer websites?And what is simply the right thing to do?

Let me put it this way. The last time I felt this good about a mouse, I was with my family in Disneyland.

Went to the dentist the other day, where I spent several hours in the chair (happily, cosmetic reasons, not medical). I was probed, attacked by sharp metal instruments, brushed, cautioned to hold still, measured, had lights flash inside my mouth, teeth were tapped, swabbed and drilled. My chair was tilted, leveled, readjusted and tilted again.

All in all a typical dentist visit, where at every point in the experience, I had no idea what was going to happen next, or how long or uncomfortable each step would be.

Wouldn't it be better if you were told in advance what the procedure would entail, the time for each step, and the total time? And what you should do when you got home (nothing hard, chewy, hot, spicy for one, two, four hours). And they put in writing, not just an oral list on your way out.

Wouldn't it be nice if you did the same for your customers? Whether you are offering a product or a service, what is commonplace and usual for you may be a first time experience for them. And they may not think of all the questions they should ask till they are well on the way home. Put it in writing, and have a FAQ section on your website. Make your customer as comfortable as you would want to be. Or someone else will.

Well, I will talk about Macy's, but it is really about customer service. And though I don't mean to single out Macy's, you go with what you know.

Recently opened a deferred account when I bought a piece of furniture. It allows you to defer payment, with no interest, if it is paid in full in six months. Good idea, cuts the expense into manageable chunks. But I just got my bill and nowhere did it say what i still owed on the account. It listed a balance of -657.00 which turns out is not actually a balance, but rather how much I had already paid. (Can you imagine going to your bank, asking what your balance was, and being told instead how much money you had taken out?)

It would be nice if they actually showed me on the statement how much I still owed, not a misleading reference to how much I had paid, so I could budget my payments and avoid interest charges. I can't help feel that they do it this way hoping that customers will not keep accurate track of what they owe, so that the interest charges that have been deferred will kick in at the end because money is still owed. I can't think of any other reason they wouldn't show you what you actually owe the store.

So I went into the world's largest store, Macy's, today. Wanted to purchase a cocktail table that I saw on sale. Regularly very expensive, reduced to just expensive, now on sale. Sounded good, because I have a Macy's charge card, which usually gets me an additional 10% discount from the sale price on furniture.

But not this time.

The saleslady said that with this particular sale, the sale price listed was for everyone and there would not be a further discount.

Now I realize the ad did not actually say there would be a further discount for card holders. But if that has been a store's usual and customary practice, I do not think I was out of line to expect this to be the case today.

We are all somewhat accepting of the exclusions on the back of store coupons, listing the various and multiple purchases which don't qualify for the offer broadly proclaimed on the front of the coupon. But we shouldn't be.

More important, stores have to break this pattern; it is bad marketing. It is bad for their image, bad for their customers, bad for their reputation. The cliché that "the headline giveth and the fine print taketh away" has an unspoken "and the customer will eventually walketh away also."

If you have to use an asterisk or fine print to limit the extent of your offer and/or keep your lawyers happy, think of a way to make your exclusions minimal, your tone customer-friendly, your reasons for the exclusions reasonable.

We can't all promise, "Guaranteed. Period." But it is something we can all aim for.