That's the only reasonable explanation I can come up with. Currently, by my side, are two perfectly good Apple laptops. Perfectly good aside from the fact that both of them appear to have spontaneously combusted near simultaneously in the last few weeks, that is. Sadly though, instead of signalling their dramatic demise with a flaming great roof-raising fireball, the only indication they gave of sucking in their last breath was a pathetic half-judder and maudlin 'click!'. Let's all give a big 'thank you' to my housemate then for lending me her laptop - which may or may not explode inwardly before I reach the end of this post, knowing my luck.

Anyway, that's my vague attempt at justifying why I haven't bothered updating my blog in... oooh... ten years. That and the fact that my digital camera got nicked, meaning I couldn't take the lazy-arse route out and shovel tedious snapshots of my wardrobe onto the web, in a lame attempt at avoiding doing any writing at all.

Here are some interesting things IGN UK will be doing in the next week or so: not sleeping so that we can review every single bloody PS3 launch title going by next Friday - because we love you so. Actually, that's just one thing - but given how much I love my sleep, it's significant enough to be roughly equal to lots of really irritating little things.

In the meantime however, I'm being Zen and doing bugger all to realign my whatever it is you're supposed to realign by bouncing up and down cross-legged on a pillow. Obviously, I'm taking the gamer's approach though, and chilling out in front of the telly, expending as near to as little energy as is humanly possible. Tonight, this involves prodding around the Wii's Everybody Votes channel, now that my internet's back up and running.

Just so you know that your trusty friends here at IGN UK utterly have their fingers on the pulse of popular opinion, my Wii is currently telling me that there's exactly 240m between my small man with a blue dot under his arse and the stumpy skyscraper to his left. And that, dear readers, is clearly scientific fact.

On that note, I'm off to bed before my knees go up in flames. It wouldn't be the first time.

It's come to my attention that no-one can stick comments on my blog without me posting some kind of entry first. As I want endless adulation with the minimum amount of fuss, consider this my first post.