Anti-Gay Rights Group Chooses Kinky Acronym

The hilariously named anti-gay rights group NOM (National Organization for Marriage) have gone a step further into acronym absurdity with their new initiative “2 Million for Marriage,” or 2M4M. Which is Craigslist-speak for Two men seeking another man. NOM is knocking it out of the park with their acronym selection, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to offer a few suggestions of my own for acronyms they can use in future campaigns. Here’s a Top 5:

1. Bible Distribution to Save Marriage

For a grassroots campaign to hand out Bibles outside gay clubs so that homosexuals can see the error of their ways, Bible Distribution to Save Marriage (BDSM) will be an important first step towards getting marriage back where it belongs.

2. Gays Of America Taking Sexual Education

This acronym could be used for a campaign to teach all gay people how to be straight - an initiative called Gays Of America Taking Sexual Education (GOATSE).

3. Bring Back our Wives!

As a preemptive effort to draw women back from the dangerous precipice of lesbianism, Bring Back our Wives! (BBW) will be a big part of NOM’s outreach to feminist groups. NOM thinks BBW is good for everyone.

4. National Standards For the Workplace

National Standards For the Workplace (NSFW) is the name for NOM’s plan to distribute BDSM, GOATSE, and BBW literature to decent Americans at their places of work. If all goes according to plan, NOM reps will be handing out NSFW pamphlets in your office any day now.

5. Finding Alternatives to Indecent Living

NOM’s core mission is summed up by this acronym. The idea is simple: Reasserting marriage as a contract between one man and one woman by Finding Alternatives to Indecent Living (FAIL).