Ask the Experts

My Boyfriend wants to go down on me but i’m scared it won’t be what he expected. I feel like he will think my vagina is ugly.

Aw, don’t talk about your vagina that way! Many guys and girls have anxiety about their genitals, but there’s truly no “right” or “wrong” way for them to look. Vulvas (this is your whole genital package, the vagina is the inside part) are like snowflakes: no two are alike. Same goes for penises, breasts, faces, and the rest of our bodies. This video shows just how different genitals can be, and how normal that is.

So if your boyfriend wants to give you oral sex, and you want him to also, don’t let the fear of how your vulva looks get in the way — he should think it’s beautiful, just like the rest of you. Remember, he’s dating you for YOU, not your genitals. Just one thing to keep in mind – STDs (like gonorrhea and herpes) can be transmitted through oral sex, so be sure to use a Sheer Glyde dam or just cut a condom down the middle, and cover your vulva with it to stay safe and healthy.

But if you aren’t ready for oral sex or simply don’t want to do it — for WHATEVER reason — that’s okay too! Tell him you’re just not comfortable with it. You don’t have to do anything sexually you don’t want to do, even if you really like or love your boyfriend. If he doesn’t respect this, or if he says negative things about your body, it might be a sign that the relationship is unhealthy. You deserve to feel good about yourself and proud of your body (including your vulva!), no matter what.