Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
5423

Soft Drinks
The first lady began: "My husband is like a 7-Up. He's got seven inches and it's always up!"
The second replied: "My man is like a Mountain Dew. When he mounts me he always knows what to do!"
After a moment the third woman says: "My man is like a Jack Daniels."
"That's not a soft drink," one woman exclaims. "That's a hard liquor!"
Without hesitation the lady shouts: "That's my Leroy!" Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
5424

Garage Door
A boss walked into his office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area was wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, "This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his "garage door."
An hour later he headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, "When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?"
She smiled and said, "No, I didn't. All I saw was a broken-down old minivan with two flat tires."
Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
5425

Trouble Looming
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
5426

Get A Hot Mamma And Be Cheerful
Morris, an 82 year-old-man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
The doctor took Morris aside and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"
Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
5427

Honeymoon Surprise
A man went with his wife on their honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time.
The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called Tolio," he replied.
"Don't you mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes," He explained.
He then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had Kneesles," he said.
"Don't you mean measles?" she inquired.
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees," he explained.
When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!" Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
5428

Forgive Thy Enemies
One Sunday during his sermon, a preacher asks the congregation how many are willing to forgive their enemies. They all raise their hands except for one elderly lady in the back pew.
The preacher notices and asks, "Mrs. Jones, why aren't you willing to forgive your enemies?"
"Well, I don't have any," she replies.
"Mrs. Jones, you're 93 years old and have no enemies? How is this possible?"
"It's easy," she says. "I simply outlived the bitches."
Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
5429

Kiss And Tell
A tough-looking group of bikers were out riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.
The leader, a big, burly man, got off his bike and said, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she replied sadly.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he said, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she did, and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss.
After she finished, the biker said, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you're wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl." Ryan Murphy