“Culling my friends was the best thing I’ve done”

Ellie swapped “we must catch up” for a yearly friendship audit instead – and she’s never been happier.

Photo: Supplied

Think back to your school or uni days, and I bet most of these friendships have disintegrated into oblivion, holding on by the fraying threads of social media.

Today, friendship is survival of the fittest. Why? Life is busy. Days are crammed. It’s easy to neglect your friends – and even easier to get the guilts for it.

But, there is a difference between a neglected friendship versus a toxic one. I’d be willing to say though, that if a friendship if being neglected, then perhaps it’s also time to cull.

When I talk about culling a friendship, I mean saying goodbye completely. It means no more “we must catch up for coffees”, no more borrowing money or clothes and certainly no more committing time to a person that you simply don’t want to be around.

It may seem daunting to admit, but just as we outgrow passions, we just as easily outgrow friendships. When we think of ‘toxic’ friendships, typical thoughts of gossip and major falling outs spring to mind. We forget to consider the toxicity of long-time friendships that we’ve held on to for old times’ sake.

The demise of a friendship usually begins with coffee dates been rescheduled, where one friend is making the other a priority and it’s not been reciprocated. I’ve experienced this a few times in my life, and recently I had to say goodbye to a long-time friend because we both couldn’t commit.

We didn’t have a falling out, or argue or even disagree on a small thing. Instead, we both had hectic schedules, and when we tried to pencil in a coffee date, we realised neither of us had availabilities for the next three months – where in reality we just couldn’t be bothered moving around our appointments.

We’d been friends over eight years since high school, and at the time had bonded over schoolwork, the opposite sex and living in the same suburb.

Fast forward a few years and we lacked even a slight connection. We’d been living separate lives, had different interests and were the very antithesis of one another.

There were no words exchanged about this friendship ‘break-up’, but the lack of communication from both of our ends was evident enough to highlight the mutual ending of a once blossoming friendship.

You know what? I haven’t missed that friendship one bit – it was the healthiest thing I’ve done for myself, and I’d argue for her, too.

A friendship audit every year or two ensures that the people we want in our lives are there because we value and love them, and not just for history’s sake.

Just as we throw out clothing we no longer love or are passionate about, why can’t we apply the same to our friendships? If you sit down honestly with someone and both parties can see that the friendship is no longer viable, a cull could be the answer – it was for me.

5 signs they’re just not that into you – or worth your time, effort and love

They take more than they give. You’re willing to give them the world, but they can’t even be bothered to listen to you when you talk.

You leave feeling inadequate. Friends are meant to elate you and fill you with joy, but instead every time you leave feeling a little more negative towards life.

They talk about everyone else to you – kind of makes you cringe to imagine what they’re saying about you behind your back.

You just have nothing in common. Your conversations always centre around work, kids or monotonous small talk.

You find yourself trying to avoid them. Whether it’s ignoring their calls or not responding to texts, in this case it’s you and not them.