September 11, 2013

On the other side

I've been thinking a lot this week about where we are now as opposed to a year ago. A year ago, Labor Day weekend was one of the hardest weekends of my life as we found out that we were no longer pregnant after another fertility treatment. I couldn't have been more devastated, sad and pretty hopeless feeling. That weekend I stayed home and cried and cried.

This last weekend we got to take our sweet baby to a Labor day party and it was so much fun. Last night I was rocking Addilyn as she feel asleep, just thinking about the difference a year makes. Once she feel asleep, I was scrolling through my facebook and instagram feed on my phone and seeing so many pictures of babies. I've had a handful of good blogging friends have babies recently and I love looking at all their pictures.

Last year at this time, scrolling through baby pictures would have been so hard for me, as it was a constant reminder of what I wanted but didn't know if I'd ever get. There were many weeks where I wouldn't spend much time on facebook or instagram, as it sometimes was too hard and painful.

I know there are a handful of friends I've made through my struggle to get pregnant that are still waiting for their baby. I think about them often and wonder if it's hard for them to see my pictures or read my blog. I almost feel guilty that pictures of my baby would made someone sad, as I know the feeling all too well.

It makes me leery of posting about how somethings have been hard since having Addilyn. I don't ever want to come across as complaining, although some times that is what it feels like. Motherhood is hard and although I wouldn't change where we are one bit, the transition and struggles are real and I think talking about them, getting encouragement and support is good for me. However, I remember reading statuses or blogs about moms exhausted from staying up all night and thinking how I want that problem. So I guess what I'm saying is that I want to be real that sometimes life is hard, but I am so grateful for the place we are in. While I don't enjoy only sleeping a few hours each night, I feel lucky that that is a problem I have.

It'd be impossible to not blog about being a mom. About the fun things and the hard things. And I want to be able to look back and have our stories written out and remembered. I know people don't expect me to not post pictures of Addilyn or write about her, but I am just reminded how much of a true blessing this baby is and I want to be sensitive to others going through that struggle.

I think its okay to complain sometimes(coming from the woman who complains a little too much) because its real. We can't be perfect and happy all the time especially as mothers because when you are trying to meet the needs of a little human who can't talk it makes it rough and sometimes you get it wrong. Complaining about motherhood doesn't mean you don't love your kids it just means you are human and have had a rough day, few days, week or even a few weeks.

I think its okay to complain sometimes(coming from the woman who complains a little too much) because its real. We can't be perfect and happy all the time especially as mothers because when you are trying to meet the needs of a little human who can't talk it makes it rough and sometimes you get it wrong. Complaining about motherhood doesn't mean you don't love your kids it just means you are human and have had a rough day, few days, week or even a few weeks.

I love how real and authentic this post is. bing a mom is hard, and I don't think anyone would think you were complaining my sharing your struggles. I feel like sometimes our social media life portrays us like a Facebook status of perfection. We only show what's good and not what's not. I guess what I'm saying is I appreciate your authenticity and I think everyone else does too. Also, love the picture of you too. So cute!Ginny

I have been silently reading your blog for a while now and as a woman who is struggling with infertility, I would encourage you to continue to share your story...all of your story. I think, sometimes, we women who struggle to have children think that if we can just get pregnant, everything else will be ok, when that is truly just another chapter of a very beautiful, yet challenging, story. Tonight, I just took my first round of shots on our first IVF cycle. Seeing you holding Addilyn, sharing your struggles, adjustments, and all that motherhood encompasses, serves as inspiration. Continue to tell us your truth and experience. It is a gift to us all, fertile and infertile alike!

Thank you for your honesty. I have a 4 year old son that I love to pieces but yes it's extremely hard and nothing can prepare you for the sleepless nights, the selflessness that is to be a mother. It's not about complaining, it's about venting and realizing that you are not alone. I wrote a post on my blog last week called "Who Am I?" YOu might be interested in it.

Girrrrllllll.... How do you tap into people's feelings so accurately???? My hubsband is living in Virginia now and I'm sad and angry.... But in a years time.... Where will I be? You give me hope!!!! You are like the woman whisperer!!!!

This was so sweet and heartfelt, Katie! I desperately want to have kids (like think about it all the time), but it's just not the right timing right now for us. I never fault you for posting pictures of your baby, especially since I know how long you waited for her. I LOVE seeing pics of Addilyn! I also love that you share the real stuff and the hard things. It's one of my favorite things about your blog :) Thanks for the encouragement and reminder that every season does not last forever.

So touching. I was wondering when Addy would start appearing on your outfit posts!! You should never feel like you can't share pictures or your experience as a mother. It was a hard and long journey for you and God blessed you with her because it was His time for you to be ready. Embrace it even if you're worried about how others may feel!!

Katie, this so speaks to my heart as I too remember the feelings like yesterday when I would see yet another post of someone who was pregnant or someone sharing the birth of their child. I actually hesitated for some time on sharing that I was even pregnant on my FB status bc I was so concerned about the feelings of other but then I came to the realization that we deserved this baby and I deserved to shout it from the mountain tops! Yes, there may be someone out there who hurts but in their hearts they feel happiness for you too!

You always know just what to say ;) I am glad to know that I'm not the only one who has had a hard time with all the Facebook baby pictures and statuses...I actually had to just take a Facebook break last month because it felt like everyone I knew was having a baby except for me.

You heart and concern for others is just amazing. And as one of those women you were referring to, I've never thought you have come across as complaining. Always thankful and joyful for your blessing :) Keep up the good work momma!

A beautiful post Katie! It might sound silly but I love seeing the photos your post of your precious little girl. It gives me hope that one day it'll be me. That someone who struggled like I am, got there in the end. That its hard but worth it. Thanks x

I see something very special in this post...it's your love for others. I see that you are thankful for your blessings while being honest about what your experiencing as a mom. I love reading your post and seeing your pictures. I think that you are an inspiration to others. So keep on sharing your story.

Your life has changed a lot in one year! Honestly, I don't believe that readers ever have a reason to be jealous when they read about good things in someone else's life. Good isn't limited--someone else's good news and excitement and joy does not take away from the amount of good I can experience in my own life. So write about the good and the bad if that's what you want to write about.

What an absolute blessing your little girl is! I can imagine how hard it is for you to feel "allowed" to complain about some mommy issues. I think, though, that you ARE a mommy. Because of that, you should be allowed to express your frustration with mommy issues. How wonderful that you have such a soft heart for other women going through infertility issues!

You are sweet to be so considerate of others who are struggling with infertility. I haven't walked through that struggle, but I want to reaffirm that it really is okay for you to talk about your sweet one and how much she means to you and also how difficult being a mom is.

Would you ever want a mom to feel guilty for having a baby to love? No! Just like we all want you to love that sweet girl of yours for all she's worth! And that does mean talking about her on the blog, showing her off on insta, etc. Don't hold back because of others feelings. I know the feeling of wanting what I didn't have, but I also never resented other women for loving their baby's and showing them off, you know? And I know that's not what you're getting at.... but I just don't want you to EVER feel guilty for showing the world the love you have for your daughter. Also, the struggles mothers go through are so REAL. And no one truly understands until they are going through it. So again, talk about it when you need to talk about it. Your sanity is more important than sparing someone's feelings who may be offended by your struggles and need for advice!

You're such an incredible person for thinking of others in this way. But don't let it affect you too much - life is what jt is and we all know that with a baby sometimes you're going to have some bad days or struggles. I personally am one of those readers who is still trying (I hate even writing that, I don't tell many people), but when I see your photos, I am so happy for you - I also see you as a success story and you give me hope. I hope that others feel the same way.