Ahhh, routine :O)

The kids have been at school for an hour and I am BACK! I don’t expect you to have missed me but I have missed me. Don’t misunderstand me, I love spending time with my children and have had some fabulous days over the last six weeks:

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But, as with every summer holiday, the memory making days were interspersed with days of heart hammering worry: Strawberry deaths and insurance claims; audits and order failures; fruit delays and price crashes; bee stings and vet visits; house fires and heart ache; sleepless nights and stress headaches.

And guilt.

Always guilt.

There is never enough time to do anything well. When I’m with the children I feel guilty about work and when I’m working I feel guilty about the kids. I feel especially guilty about writing. When I’m giving it time, it feels like an indulgence. When I’m not, it feels like I’m abandoning something I love.

So hoorah for term time! The children are happy and learning and absent for 6 hours a day and I get some balance back in my life.

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Oh ho – another guilt ridden Mummy.
I think it’s written into the contract along with stretchmarks and worrying.
You are a good-enough Mum.
That sounds dismissive , I know, trust me to ut it like that.
But the point is that an utterly selfless wondermum would actually be no use at all to the children’s maturity.
And you wouldn’t get much writing done.
Which would be a shame.

I think if the kids were at home all year round, working in the fields or whatever, we would adjust to that. But they’re not, they go to school almost the whole year and that’s why the holidays are such a wrench. I’ve felt it as well, and I’ve been working as normal most of the time. It’s unsettling to be thrown out of routine and you shouldn’t feel bad about that.

Oh, I’m with you all the way on this! I love spending time with my daughter and I miss her when she’s at school, but my god the end of my routine doesn’t half make me crabby! I want to do the good mother thing and do stuff with her but at the same time I have the woe of the self-employed. So I have guilt at not spending quality time with Laura and guilt at ignoring the paid work, and therefore not getting paid. I love the photos though. You did some lovely things with the kids!