327 Responses to Dispatches From The BiPolar Birthday Bash

Yeah, I talked to Momsers too. She was super sweet in that “Oh dear god, she has NO IDEA, does she?” way. Almost as if she is mentally ill or developmentally disabled. 🙁 I really like her, except for the whole giving birth to and enabling a donkey thing.

I think you did a good job observing things at the party, but — and yes, there’s always a but isn’t there? — If you had the chance to talk to Momsers, why didn’t you say something like, “Oh, so nice to meet you, and wow, I hear Julia’s found a great new guy…I’m so happy for her.” And then let Momsers tell you all about him?

P.S. Some girl is bitching about how her guy friends weren’t on the list and were told by the bouncers that they’d need to pay $75 EACH to get in. Believe it or not, they bounced the fuck out of there. The girl said, “$75 to get into this piece of shit?!” LULZ. (Her sister, someone named Christina, was inside and plotting their escape to a better party. I told her I was waiting for the cake licking, to see if she’d blink, but she didn’t.)

I haven’t sought him out or asked after him at all. There sure are a lot of douchey guys here to pick from, though! Marquhardt (sp?) is here. Why would all these people travel across the country for this guttercunt (TM partypants)?! I schlepped all the way from fucking Soho and even then I only did it for muh ribnesses!

I find it so strange and worrying that she has so many people she doesn’t even know at her party. I mean, you have a party and inevitably people you do know bring people that you mightn’t have met before, but to actually invite people you don’t know? I mean, it’s a birthday party, not a public function.

Even then, the crowd was sparse. She was desperate to get people there and I’d say she was lucky if there were 100 people in that venue. The number of them making fun of her seemed disproportionate (to borrow a JABism). She is really an unpopular person. Most seemed to be there to try to network with Randi — which I am sure JAB was counting on to get bodies in the door. Not to mention the people SHE HAD FLY IN to celebrate.

Dadster is jetting to SF for that party, too. What a bunch of lunatics.

My takeaway from tonight: Her parents are light years away from ever holding her accountable for her bullshit. They truly believe she “works” and that she is making something of herself. Whomever said in a previous comments thread that they ceded control to her at age 11 hit the nail on the head. They are PROUD of their lazy, no good whore of a daughter! I don’t even know if Britt is sane at this point.

Google News says it was posted ’16 hours ago,’ or about 10 a.m. EST on Friday. Now, he could have hit ‘publish’ and closed his laptop at wheels up and been in New York by Friday afternoon, but it seems unlikely.

But Pilot, thank you for going and reporting back! This is all amazzzzing.

I really wish I knew who most of these people were, but … most of them were nobodies like Julia. There was a guy who looked to me like AM — I’ll point him out when the inevitable pics (there was a photographer on hand, of course) go up.

It was really hard to tell if PK was there. Julia was just pulling Randi along by the arm and dragging her from photo op to photo op. She didn’t stand still for more than about five seconds, and she didn’t even stop to chat with people. Jordan and Meghan were both there, hanging with their own groups of friends.

This account is totally believable, but it *is* very curious that no photos are online any where.

Question: Is this the result of Janks lockdown on this front or irrelevancy? I am inclined to believe the latter. If you are going to hunt down photo ops like a hungry wolf, wouldn’t you want them splayed everywhere??

The vibe I got from Jordan and Kendrick was very much “over it” — they do not think much of JAB or her crowd. It is very clear to me that Jordan has been riding JAB’s tattered, un-laundered, raggedy-ass coattails for all they’re worth (not much). I didn’t talk to her but she seems much younger and dippier-acting in person. Kendrick seemed cute (not hot) and down to earth but not impressed at all with the douchebags in his midst — which makes me like him a little. He obviously loves his wife to tolerate such a “work” event.

SS, seeing the parents bask in this situation was a bit chilling. They think it’s not only cute, but they think she is doing important, innovative work. Explains the extent to which they enable her, what with the taking pictures and shooting inappropriate videos. But they had also invited THEIR NY FRIENDS to this party – plenty of old folk who were being shown just how proud Momsers and Dadster are of their baby donkey. It was the most how fuck party I’ve been to, and yet so very boring.

“She doesn’t have a chance” says it all. JAB is a lost cause and I weep for her unborn children. I’m not actually weeping, but I’m not really exaggerating either. THOSE kids won’t stand a chance in hell of living sane lives.

“seeing the parents bask in this situation was a bit chilling. They think it’s not only cute, but they think she is doing important, innovative work”

I’m not surprised. Blah. I know tons of parents whose children are complete and utter failures, and yet the parents refuse to notice/acknowledge the situation – and they even continue to fund it. Usually they’re really sweet, naive people who adore their kids. It’s heartbreaking.

I am sorry that I missed Yulia’s birfday bash, complete with insane Momsers and awkward Dadsers and the gross Yordan, who smokes and I hate her now. WILL YOU SHOW US HOW TO MAKE OUR OWN CIGARETTES, GROSSIE??

This is complete and utter BS. The only new information Pilot gleaned by crashing the party is that Julia’s mom doesn’t badmouth her daughter when chatting politely with strangers. Oh and “Jordan and Kendrick smoke!” I’m telling Mom!

Seriously. What was everyone expecting? Were they expecting Julia to go prancing around listing off Prom King’s address and talking about her emotional problems? Did they expect her to take off her top and let each guest feel her boobs to see if they were real? Did they expect Pilot to stalk Julia’s every move, taking notes and pictures, outing herself as a RBNS commenter to all of her friends?

It sounds like a normal party with Julia doing her normal, annoying-but-not-lifechanging behavior. I don’t know why some commenters seem to think that something huge was going to happen or that Pilot owes it to us to ruin her professional relationships with people for the sake of the site.

What’s your point? Last year it took a day or two for the pictures to emerge and the true crazy to present itself. However, I am doubting there will be much similar this year given Momsers and Dadsers’ constant presence.

Interesting gossip? Related to Julia Allison? LOL, OK. Perhaps you should wait for the cray to erupt on the leg of the BBB where the focus ISN’T on her. Although really, it’s easy enough to glean what’s so interesting from PITNK’s observations: clueless enabling parents taking up residence in the apartment of her boyfriend who she isn’t in love with, the fact that he may or may not have attended her party, which she apparently spent the better part of hugging up on an EX-BOYFRIEND who very publicly and embarrassingly dismissed her. Ain’t so much trite as fucking hilarious.

PLL, if you are dissatisfied with the reports back from the dog and donkey show (TM Jacy), you are more than welcome to apply for a refund from the RBNS ombudsman. Please allow four to six weeks for my colon to reply.

Got the sadz cuz you worked so hard on email blasts for nothing? Feeling left our ‘cuz you didn’t get to drive eight hours for craptastic bottom-shelf liquor & licked cupcakes? Just can’t stand the suspense of not knowing whether College Humor cluster-fuck was in attendance & would it have been worth it?

I don’t agree with this notion that Jackles was publicly dumped by Charles Forman. I watched that whole video, and it appeared that he was just publicly announcing their breakup. Hells bells, he even said it was a joke and told her “I love you,” at the end of his little presentation. Then she said, “Awww,” and they hugged.

He was at her party last year, as I recall, and he was there again this year. I know we want to savor any delicious victory we can, but I just don’t think this is one of them, my cat-collecting friends.

Agree. There are also comments in here on occasion about how much Foreman loathes her. I don’t see it. That announcement of their breakup was meant to be funny, not mean. I also think he was the “favorite ex” that had lunch with Dadsers a while back.

I agree. For someone who was actually there, pitnkn didn’t get much in the way of scintillating gossip. I could understand it if the venue was packed and crazy and all, but from what I’ve read it was not a huge crowd. In a word: dissapointing.

Seriously. This was a loser donkey and her sad birthday. All “gossip” from the party just confirmed what I already expected. This isn’t someone infiltrating Brangelina’s anniversary dinner… It’s someone going to a frenemies sad party for the lulz.

If Julia wasn’t hanging on Prom King all night, introducing him around as her BOYFRIEND then he wasn’t there or the relationship is a sham. I mean, when you’re in the lovey-dovey honeymoon phase of a new relationship, that is what you do at parties. I’m really surprised that all the party-goers who’ve reported back (here and elsewhere) seem so vague about whether or not he was there and who he is. It should have been made perfectly clear last night, no? Unless he was the guy making out with Meghan in the corner most of the night…

This leg of the birthday bash sounds even worse. Everyone is exhausted from a cross country flight and they have to drag themselves to yet another sparsely attended party that’s going to be a total nightmare to get to. All for some sad snacks and bottom shelf booze. Ew.

Yeah, I don’t get that aspect at all. The morning after a fun party, I can barely be bothered to go cross town for brunch let alone ACROSS THE COUNTRY for ANOTHER PARTY. I mean, either something’s epic or it’s not; you don’t combine two mediocre parties together to get one good party; all you’re left with is two mediocre parties.

Don’t forget to factor in the jet lag… 10 p.m. in San Fran is 1 a.m. in New York. This will not matter to Julia, who is never abed until the Manhattan dawn, but the other east-coast guests will be asleep on their feet. Particularly if the only sustenance offered is booze and cupcakes. I’m getting drowsy just picturing it.

This is reminding me of how very entertained I was when Jules posted that Hawaii must be good for her system because she was finally nodding off at a reasonable hour and waking early in the morning. I’m sure the six-hour time shift had NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with this freshly diurnal schedule.

RE: “In San Fran … If the only sustenance offered is booze and cupcakes.” | I’m hoping the same gang that left Julia’s name off of the barfbray cake last year will go the extra distance this year ~ if Randi has any sense about her, she’d have been phoning it in to her SF girls last night w/ deets on the Donkey-Gate Corral & to order a classy SF buffet set-up, etc.

the way she assigns such importance to every trite moment in her stupid life disgusts me. who the fuck cares that you’re turning 29 for fuck’s sake. for some reason this second annual bi-curious birthday extravaganza has really brought the rage for me. after hearing from pilot, i want us to be just ruthless with this spoiled brat idiot.

why can’t she just turn 29 like most people? i.e. what i ate for breakfast that morning was not any big deal…and no, it didn’t involve multiple blueberry muffins. from what i remember (hey, it was a few years ago) it was just coffee….

If this was anything close to a good party, wouldn’t everyone be ridiculously hungover? Sorry, but getting up at 7AM to go out to JFK for a 10:30AM flight after being OUT all night? I wouldn’t do this for anyone.

Yes, in fact, I think you can come up with mathematical formula to prove this; something along the lines of, the quality of a party is directly proportional to how far you’re willing to travel for another party the next day: the better the party, the shorter the distance. Therefore, with JA flying to SF, that means the party SUCKED.

Honestly. From accounts, they didn’t show up at the party until almost 10, and then they were home and in their jammies by 1?? Did some intern really spend a month planning so that Donk and the gang could leave after less than 3 hours?

hahhaha look at this guy in the plane seat behind lasagna. Best “bitch please” ever. Love how these losers wear hats and sunglasses on flights like they’re some kind of celebrities. The reek of pathetic desperation is off the charts this weekend.

The best moments from last night were in the chatroom, no doubt about it. Left with a few questions this morning.

– Are Julia’s parents flying out to SF with her? Surely not, but then again …?
– I wonder when Julia got over her hatred of smokers and her “ew smokers icky” judgmental self. Did Harhar and TK smoke? Is that why she posed with that unlit cigarette in her romper photoshoot? Lulz
– When is Julia going to blaze? She has somewhat normal “friends” right now, and this might be her only chance to do it before she turns 30. I’m sure even Momsers and Dadsers had a toke in their youth. Jordan, please at least consider hotboxing Julia and then locking her in the bathroom for ten minutes with her iphone.
– They are having this party in Chinatown during the parade? That sounds fun to get to.
– Where is Randi? I kind of forgot Randi was even in New York. I’d like to imagine she’s already planning a trip to Thailand for her next birthday, and wondering why she didn’t get around to doing that last year.
– Is Julia already planning her 30th? of course she is. When will she realize these parties do nothing but trigger her social anxiety and make both acquaintances and critics hate her more?

Don’t foget that besides the bicoastal b-day bash in S.F. there are business meetings to attend! Me thinks the reason dadsers met with some of JA’s peeps in NYC and is now headed to SF with her is because he’s putting money into backing her OMG successful bizzzzz-ness!
Whatever that may be.
I mean, come on. Why isn’t momsers along for the flight? And dadsers arrived to NYC way early for the b-day bash, no?

Yes. It also explains the “listening tour” with Bears, Karp, RZ, and I suspect Foreman. All her new media pals to help explain it all to Dough-sers so he can fund some venture. I said it before, but these are my dream parents. Clueless and rich. And JA will eventually marry someone clueless and rich. Not her dream husband, but one she can manipulate to get by in life.

Pilot, you confuse the heck out of me. I admit, it could be because I’m easily confused. Bear with me:

1. You went through a lot of trouble to go this party for us, which I applaud. But you had NO CURIOSITY about figuring out which of the “douchey dudes” was Prom King? Does not compute.

2. You think most of the people were “nobodies” but you also imply you wouldn’t recognize these people anyway, so maybe the room was FILLED with big names.

3. My mind reels at the thought that Alexander M. would actually show up to this third-rate shindig. If he did, he certainly didn’t come to town especially for it. Also, are most of you people new here? WHY OH WHY would ANYBODY think he was Prom King??? He’s still based in Moscow, right? Plus, he’s a good-looking dude with brains and a career.

I don’t understand why Pilot took the trouble to go to the party, when he/she had so very little interest in it, and, apparently, couldn’t wait to get up and out of there at the earliest opportunity. And not a single photo was taken, not even of a cupcake or the decorations or anything? It’s just another layer of mystery on top of the enigma that surrounds everything Jackles, I guess. Nothing ever makes sense.

Yes, something is very worrisome here. Shouldn’t PK have been the focus of any alleged stealth visit to the Jackles/White Strips soiree? And yet nothing? Instead, just obvious commentary on what might have been expected and the unlikely ineffable Alexander M. showing up for some shitfest in a snowstorm? Enlighten us here.

Yes, the only part I actually cared about was knowing what PK looked like and how he and the Donkey interacted with each other. His name doesn’t matter, but IS HE FUG OR NOT? Inquiring cats want to know! 😉

PS Pilot, sorry to aim my disappointment at you personally. I’m just experiencing that post-holiday letdown, I guess. As I recall from last year, it was the SF leg of the party that was the most lulzy. Dare I get my hopes up again for tonight…? Yeah, probably. Anyway, peace!

“I don’t understand why Pilot took the trouble to go to the party…” | I’m thinking of it as a fishing expedition ~ you never know just what you’re going to catch, but you give ut a shot, eh?

“…when he/she had so very little interest in it, and, apparently, couldn’t wait to get up and out of there at the earliest opportunity.” | Sometimes fishing sucks so bad, you wish you were at work instead?

PK doesn’t appear to be on the plane (or else why are they flying coach)?

I’ll bet that Pilot was so uncomfortable, because you KNOW none of those bitches made her feel welcome and introduced her around ike one normally does at a party where strangers converge. Julia prob gave her a once over side-eye, wondering *how’d SHE get in* (no offense Pilot, you’re obvs tiny & cute since you did get in) and then flounced away. Randi was probably stuck at a table nodding with that toothy grin while someone tried to worm the conversation to Mark. Sounds like Jordan & skinny hubby were trying to look like they didn’t want to bolt to go get high while gritting their teeth and surreptiously checking their watches, and the other blonde icelandic thing was not even there.

I’ll bet that that half of JA’s “Friends” don’t read her blog (even if they used to) and have no idea (not care) that she even has a (supposed) BF.

yes, it’s odd that Katrina didn’t post a thing. Blakely never twittered a word about it. Sklar has been in Canada. Did Caro flee to Australia to avoid having to go to Julia’s sad party? If she did, it’s funny that Julia (and Dadsers) still managed to squeeze a lunch date out of her before she left. Ricky must not even be pretending anymore. Someone else pointed out that even Karp blew it off.

Sounds like an epic night that New Yorkers will be talking about for months. Happy now, Julia? Hope it made all your SATC dreams come true.

I agree and posted a similar sentiment earlier. I don’t get how Pilot can be so invested in critiquing JA on RBNS and then go to a party where she could glean so much first hand info and come back with such a vague report. I understand being undercover and all, but she talked to Jules mom. so why not PK or Meghan or Jordan? All she had to do was pretend to be a fan and say “wow, I love your domestic bliss blog jordan… where can i get wallpaper like that? and btw… is julia fun to work with ? do you think she’s going to get a ring soon?” Oh well. We can’t all be great reporters, I guess.

She was invited. Ergo, NOT a fan, probably considered something of a “colleague” (except not because I assume Pilot actually, you know, works). Approaching the NoneSociety gals would have been really bizarre under the guise of, “I’m yer biggest fan!” Julia doesn’t interact with her fans and she certainly wouldn’t have invited any to her party.

If that’s honestly how you would have approached Jordan, best of luck to you. That wouldn’t be discreet or tactful.

You’d tweet a date but not a party because (in your sick, sick mind), on the date there’s only one person to be photographed with (and he doesn’t want his face on the interwebz) so you have more time to twiddle your fingers and at the party there are a million photo ops with a million people who you want to be associated with so there’s less time for twating the night away.

Yeah, not willing to blow my cover to try to justify why I didn’t bring back PK’s SSN and stool sample. But just take it from me that I wish I’d been able glean more dirt; the opportunities to do so without being obvious were not there. I wasn’t going to shove my camera in people’s faces, either — I’m not invisible or unknown to these people. You can always try to go digging yourself next year; I’m sure the same production will be returning to New York in 2011.

Totally understandable, and it’s awesome that you went and reported back! It’s good to hear some things confirmed (like Momsers being unhinged)… and besides, PK and Julia not being all over each other is excellent dirt in its own right.

OT: I am SO Jordan right now – wearing a Talbots (thanks mom) sweater-coat cinched with a Cynthia Rowley belt (sample generously provided by designer). Sadly, we have no Kool-Aid on hand to make lipstick, so I am sticking with pre-made (horrors!) Laura Mercier. Living differently, ya’ll!

I think what you did was awesome. It’s VERY telling that there was nothing to report on PK!!!! And I don’t mean that in a way of lack of coverage, I mean ‘telling’ in the way that if it wasn’t obvious these two are together, how would you know? I find it far more curious that even at a party, so much is just not quite right in the land of JA.

Why am I not surprised that you’re not a total toolbag, Pilot is the new Keynote? I found your observations subtle and contextual, especially the dynamic with the parentals. Always loved your handle, too. Thanks for the report.

I think there were 2 happy bdays on her Facebook wall last I checked. Morin was invited but was on the ski trip and never would have gone anyway. Brittany tolerates Julia for god knows what reason but there’s no love affair there.

This party sounds so sad on so many levels. And what kind of shitty excuse of a party hostess doesn’t even bother to greet or talk to all of her party attendees? Further proves that she’s every bit as socially-retarded as I’ve heard. Or simply a classless bitch who doesn’t care about shit like good manners and common courtesy.
Everyone looks absolutely MISERABLE in those photos Jules is snapping in the airport/on the flight. After enduring some lame b-day event the night before, you just know they’re all gritting their teeth attempting to humor the crazy pink lady.

2) Is Katrina going on the Aspen trip? It seems odd to me that Julia would essentially force Jordan and Kendrick into going, but didn’t invite the newest member of the group to come along. Did Katrina say no, whereas Jordan was too afraid to decline / call Julia out on her actions and guilt-tripping?

3) Is Katrina going to SF? Doesn’t seem like it from the airport / plane photos. This seems to be the first time someone is using Donk and not vice-versa. Katrina keeps pushing her own, personal projects (Pink Memo, for instance) on her blog.

4) I am inclined to believe that PK is either not her boyfriend and is, instead, a calculated move on Julia’s part to score some type of TV deal about dating / her life -or- that he is somehow embarrassing to Julia that she does not want us, her only readers, to know who he is or what he looks like.

PRC, methinks the power differential between Julia/Jordan and Julia/Katrina is substantial. You’re dead on that Katrina has the upper hand in that relationship. Must be an interesting bidness experience for La Donks.

Also, Ruffled Cheese is correct that le chat room last night was fun. It struck me amid the mayhem and lulz that both the chat room and RBNS in general are like some whacked-out book club. (Not that I’ve ever *been* in a book club, but, what I hear about them, cough.) Only the book we meet to discuss never changes–it’s the ongoing NonSociety soap opera, in all its ineffable how-fuckness.

Thanks for making the effort, Pilot, it’s appreciated. Disappointed, though, that even after spies infiltrated the party, PK is still a mystery. A big win for Donkey, and that bothers me even more than not knowing who Thing is.

oh yes! they were just fab last year!
“Luckily, the horrifying early hour was offset by the fact that virgin flew us between our birthday parties for FREE! We love them for that. What a fab airline.”http://julia.nonsociety.com/post/83013088

What happened to peptotights, she said she was heading over to the party last night. Did she get discovered as a spy and is being held hostage by Imaginary Moonfaced Boyfriend? Did she get caught in a drift of snow? Brainwashed by the Baughers of Stepford?

This is her fucking emergency? Really? Um, has she seen CNN in the last 20 minutes? Self-centered twit. She knows absolutely nothing about the world outside her own pink palace. What a dumb navel gazing bitch.

SF Bicoastal Bday Emergency! @randizuckerberg & I had a photographer booked tonight who had to cancel – anyone know an awesome replacement?

Srsly. This is the kind of thing that really pisses me off about the Donkey. Catastrophic 8.8 earthquake in Chile, tsunami hitting Hawaii, and her ’emergency’ is that her photographer cancelled? NO. WORDS.

No surprises on the momser front. I know plenty of moms (including my own) who are more than willing to pull wool over their eyes as long as their kid is happy. Dadsers on the other hand? How could a successful attorney tolerate this? Is he so far gone in the legal world that he is willing to take lying and bs from his daughter, not just his clients?

“screeching break sounds” I love this. It made me seriously lol at the office (yes I’m working on a Saturday night. Fuck my client and even more, fuck you donkey. How old do you have to be to get a clue how worthless you are.)

That’s some sad sad stuff. I get the feeling that Randi is just having fun and taking the mickey out of herself. Julia on the other hand looks like it’s the best day of her life, wearing a pink prom dress and being the center of attention and having her photo taken. All the carrying on about travel to SF the day after – o God what a martyr, enduring the true struggle that is voluntarily flying cross country with a hangover so you can attend another vanity bash in another monstrous pink dress with all your business associates/paid BFFs.

If I see another person in wrinkly polyester with fake pearls I’m going to hurl.

It’s pathetic enough to have a “prep” themed party at the age of ALMOST 30, but it’s even more pathetic to completely FAIL at it. She claims to love preppy clothes, so why can’t she do this one thing right?

It does look like the same guy, doesn’t it? Same outfit, same height. And he’s standing right next to Dadsers. You can also see The Donkey on the far right, just over Kendrick’s shoulder. Surprise! Surprise! Getting her photo taken by Dadsers.

THATS HIM! If you look at the photo Jordan posted of PK, he’s wearing a pink polo (not a pink dress shirt) under the jacket AND the face bubble doesn’t cover the very top of his head! I can tell he had dark blondish hair, closely cut! He looks cute, not fat. Just sayin.

Here’s the saddest part of all this madness: Each year, the crowd for the bday “extravaganza” gets smaller, and this one sounds like the worst of all. Also, since this is her 29th, plus she supposedly has a bf, wouldn’t you think she’d try to have a low-key dinner with him and friends, and do a so-called blowout for her 30th?

Well, that’s what a normal person would do and we’re obviously not talking about normal here.