Aye

(This is going to be very unorganized and just a huge rant so stay with me)The things we do just to make friends. We go to such extremes to make these relationships that don't last. Don't lie to yourself, you know they won't last for long. Someday, somewhere, somehow the flames will burn out and everything will be a distant memory. The one you tell all your secrets to today, could drop you tomorrow. They could turn into someone you despise. Unfortunately, this seems to be the story of my life.In high school my main objective was to be "cool" and to be like my brother. Have a good friend group with guys and girls. And to obtain that I hurt a lot of people along the way, but luckily I have been able to rekindle some of those friendships after I graduated from high school. It scares me how extreme I went just to get a group of guy friends who I want nothing to do with now. Sure at that moment I thought I was on top of the world, with genuine friends. But here I am almost four years later and becoming their friends has become one of my biggest regrets from high school. Almost two years after graduation, for some reason they are still harassing me. Every few months or so they will band together and try and get on my nerves. I used to react and give them what they wanted: a response. But I don't give them that satisfaction anymore, but they still continue. I have blocked them all on social media but they just create new accounts with new names. It is honestly weird to me that just a few years ago they were all so understanding when I told them about my mental health and they were very good at accommodating to me when things acted up. But here we are and they are doing the things that they know hurt me. And for some reason I cannot think of one reason why a person would want to do that to another individual. Especially since I had done nothing to them? Why would you attack someone when you know how they will hurt. Mentally, emotionally, physically, just as a whole. They were the reason, and my ex, that I started to self harm again once I got to college (I am almost a year and a half clean now so HA SUCK IT BITCHES). But I often wonder what would happen if I were to kill myself (disclaimer don't worry I would never I promise you). Would they feel even an ounce of guilt? Do they have any morals at all? Would they blame them selves for what I had done to myself? Or would they laugh? What saddens me is that at this point I feel like they would somehow make a joke about it. And that doesn't sit right with me. How could the people I once trusted with my whole heart make me feel this way now? They used to come to me about advice on girls all the time, they used to treat me like a sister and be protective over me, they used to apologize for their wrongdoings. What happened? What has caused you to continue to harass a girl you haven't seen in almost two years? Where does one get the motivation?Whenever I tell people this story they honestly think I am joking or lying. But I am genuinely telling the whole hearted truth. It is insane that these twenty year old adults are acting like a bunch of five year olds. I am ashamed to have once called them my friends. What was I thinking?Friendship. The most temporary kind of relationship you can have. No matter what it is like now, in just a few moments everything can change.