Bush Admits to Filling His Pants on 911.

'Okay, okay I pooped them,' President George Bush admitted at today's press conference. This response came after a flurry of questions about his gormless look, while he continued to read 'My Pet Goat' with them school kids, after his secret service agent told him about the attacks. 'When he said, Mr President, we need to go - I suddenly realised how much I needed to go, so I went, right then, in my trousers. 'The poor kids must have smelt it, the teacher must have smelt it and I sure as hell smelt it - as the trickle of brown fluid started to ooze out of the side of my boxers and flow down my left leg. I couldn't do anything but sit there for another ten minutes or so. Then, when the strangely occult sounding kids' book about a pet goat was finished, I had to make a strategic withdrawal from the school - keeping the soggy brown stain on the ass of my pants towards the wall the whole time. I then sprinted across the play ground towards the waiting limo - leaving a brown trail the whole way.' 'Why did you poop them though,' ask a journalist from Fox News. 'Where you scared?' 'Dam right I was scared, Daddy told me that this job would be a breeze. All I would have to do was spend most of my term at my ranch and most of the voters would end up hating me and voting me out on the next election - leaving me with a nice pension. But then the attacks happened and Daddy really laid the truth on me, about the wars and mass raping of the economy and the removal of civil rights that they all had planned. He said to just play along with it and, not only will the plebs re-elect me again, I'd actually get a huge pay off with all the arms contracts that my family has shares in.'