Step-by-Step Instructions for Fleeing the Office and Taking in the All-Important Match

1. By now you probably know that Thursday, June 26, is a day off throughout the United States to watch the U.S. men's national soccer team play Germany at noon Eastern in a massively important World Cup contest.

2. This emergency bill was signed into law early this morning by U.S. Prime Minister Ryan Seacrest.

3. Need the time off from your job to watch the game? Simply cut this story out of the print edition of today's...