Great Life: Modern technology

In recent years as we advance technologically I have engaged in — how shall I put this — “conversations” with all sorts of robotic creatures.

First there were the little people who were installed in telephones. You know the ones I mean. The little people who, when you call certain phone numbers, tell you: “Your call is important to us. Please listen to the following menu and choose the correct number.” What follows is a line-up ad nauseam of possible numbers to punch, so much so that your head spins and you end up hanging up the phone rather than dealing with all the choices put before you.

Then there are the GPS thingies. I have one, but I never use it. It was stuck to the car windshield by the Guy Who Smells Good, but eventually fell off when the suction no longer adhered to the aforementioned surface. So, the GPS is now housed in the glove compartment. I haven’t needed it. I’ve had the human GPS, Nettie Ruth, with me when I’ve ventured on long trips for which I did not know the way.

And there are cars — mine not among them — that tell you what you’ve done and what you should have done when preparing to embark on the nation’s highways and byways. The little person which apparently is located somewhere in the interior of the car or the motor can see all and hear all, so when you put the key in the ignition she reminds you to buckle up, do this, do that, etc. before you’re allowed to put the car in gear.

And there are the threatening robotic creatures who call you and leave messages. In my case it’s the pharmacy. I’m told I have a prescription. At first the mysterious voice tells me I have a prescription ready and I should pick it up. Then the message gets kind of threatening — something about if I don’t pick it up within three days the family felines Howie and Dawgie will be kidnapped and held for ransom until I do show up and pay up.

So I’ve dealt with a variety of non-human voices through the recent years, but I think the one that impressed me the most occurred earlier this month during a visit to Orlando.

Getting the final Disney fix for this year, four of us motored to the Magic Land of Orlando area to use up the final day of multi-day passes. We decided to splurge and stay at a location where we could be conveyed to the Magic Land rather than drive and park because we wanted to experience Magic at Night.

And what should we discover at what to us was a pretty luxurious location but a talking elevator!

That’s right.

We piled in the elevator, pushed the magic button and a little voice said “5!”

Before you could blink an eye the elevator rocketed up five floors, and that same little invisible lady announced “5!”

We were only in the lap of luxury for one night, but I gotta tell you after just several trips up and down in the rocket elevator, the hidden voice and our group had become big buddies — almost on a first-name basis, if only she’d introduced herself. She didn’t so we decided to just call her “5.”

The only drawback to the whole experience was she didn’t point the way to our rooms once we arrived on our appointed floor. And believe me that would have been helpful, because all four of us kept going the wrong way whether it be leaving the elevator or leaving our room in search of the elevator.

I think a robotic hall monitor should be next on the list of invisible voices.