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Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Peremptory University Challenge Addendum: The Left is NOT the Financial Times

The Left cannot sound like the "Financial Times". This time I'm taking issue with a "post" in a leftist website titled, I kid you not, "latest trade data reveals shock fall in export volumes".

The Hell???

Things someone needs to know to understand that title (nevermind the post):
a) "trade" means "commerce", which in turn means "stuff being bough and sold in the economy".
b) "shock fall" here just means "it's much lower than expected, so everyone got the shock of their lives". As opposed to other types of "shock" which you can find in economic lingo.
c) "export" means "stuff made in this country and sold to other countries".
d) "volumes" means "amount"

Translated into plain English, this title reads "We have just found out that this country is selling even less stuff to other countries than we previously thought".

But while the original title is virtually coded to anyone who hasn't studied economics, my translation is a bit more accesible to the commong mortal.

I'm not trying to imply that normal people don't know the meaning of words like "export" and "volume". But I have some experience with language, and I can guarantee you that if it takes work to grasp the concept of one word, and then it takes work to grasp the concept of the next, and the same thing happens over and over again, you eventually give up reading. That is why I had to put down Hamlet a few years ago.

If I had been the one writing this piece, I would have titled it "UK sells almost no stuff to other countries. We are screwed".

Because, of course, once you got past the title you have to understand why this country selling less has an impact on anyone (or their dog).

Again, in plain English: if this country sells less it means it makes less. And "making" less means people don't have jobs "making" things and less jobs means we are screwed, because we depend on whatever bankers are up to in "the city". And going by what they've been up to recently, well, it becomes obvious how screwed we are. Because instead of making things, this country is "making money" by playing with imaginary "debt", and stuff. While everyone else has to work for TopShop, or live off benefits. Because that's the other thing: when people "make" things, they are in control of something. When people just assist in the "selling", like they do in TopShop, they have less control over what goes on and can be exploited more.

See? Easy to write. Easy to understand. Easy to read.

I cannot believe it took me so long to get here. Now I only have to go and talk all other leftists to write like human beings. Should be easy to do. I bet they will be really impressed by my ideas.