I feel safe to assume that we all know motherhood changes us. Even people that haven’t had their children yet and are still in the naive ‘I’d never do that as a parent!’ stage have enough information at their finger tips to know children change you. Even just a little. We all know our bodies change. Your core will never be the same. Don’t even mention the pelvic floor. It doesn’t matter how that baby exits it’s 9 month safe hold, one sneeze too many and there isn’t any amount of Tena lady that can save you. Many of the physical changes weren’t too much of a shock for me. What I was most surprised about were some of the changes in priorities. I don’t mean now the child is number 1 priority, that should go without saying. I mean the little things, the things that I used to think defined me, things I thought I needed and things I thought mattered were suddenly not the same.

Old Priorities

Before children I used to try hard (although usually fail) to keep my social life buzzing. Although I worked late on Saturday nights if my friends were out you can bet your life I would be too. Even just for last orders.

Then there was local gossip. If I hadn’t heard about it then it probably wasn’t gossip worthy. That said I never passed it on, I wasn’t a blabber mouth. I was simply nosey and liked to have all this random information.

Having 15 possible changes of outfit to hand…. You know, just in case. Ok so I still sort of do this. I recently went to London with family. During the day I went off to get a couple of things and came back in a whole new outfit. I didn’t think much of it until my MIL pointed out that she has never been out with me and returned with me in the same outfit. Looks like it’s kinda my thang!

New Priorities

So now things have changed. My thought processes have changed and the things I put an important emphasis on have changed.

Speed – I have always been a bit of a speed demon in every way. In all of my previous jobs I have always been one of the fastest walkers. Really I should have trained as a speed walker… I’d have had some seriously raw talent. But now I am a mum speed is even more important. I want all shoes on as quickly as possible before it turns into a circus and we are late, again! I want the washing dry as fast as possible because we are all rapidly running out of clothes….. How do we not have more? I want bath time over with because the end of the day is in sight. The faster I can get something done the chances are I may actually be able to tick of an extra job from my to-do list. It’s possible, right?

Sleep – I’m not just talking toddler sleep, I need my sleep. My one piece of advice for my younger self is ‘Sleep is NOT for the weak!’ Seriously! Why didn’t I sleep when I had the chance? Everyone warned me but I didn’t believe them. It isn’t even like my two are bad sleepers, quite the opposite. But they do moan in their sleep and Trixie does often let out a few cries in her sleep. According to Hubby when this happens, even if I am ‘out of it’, my heart rate shoots up and my whole body tenses. That doesn’t sound like relaxing sleep to me.

Coffee – I have always drunk far too much caffeine. I would love to say now I am a mother of two I have simply reacted in the only way I know how… To increase my intake. But the truth is I went off tea in both pregnancies and now two years later I still can’t drink tea. Oh yes, my kids even robbed me of that!

Good Friends – I used to have many many people I considered friends. Now I have two very close friends and a couple of others I like to keep in touch with because they are very good company when we do get the chance to see each other. Yes I get lonely. Yes I would quite like some more friends. But I admit I would rather just have my two very good friends than twenty OK friends. These are the sort of friends that I can say anything to and they won’t judge. If I am having an off day they don’t take it personally. When I have an unsubtle brag about something they support me.

My Marriage – Some people may say this is an obvious one but perhaps it isn’t considering the divorce rate in our country. Obviously my marriage was always important but it has a different emphasis now. We were married before kids and we will be married long after they have fled the nest (that’s the plan anyway). It is the biggest constant throughout this mayhem. Yes it requires work but it is a work that doesn’t revolve around the girls. It revolves around me and Hubby. It take my needs as woman into account and his needs as a man. Our marriage is a place where we aren’t just Mummy and Daddy. In the evenings when the preverbal sh*t has really hit the fan our marriage is our safe place, our haven.

Is It Just My Age?

It would be fair to argue that these changing priorities are the result of growing older, increasing responsibilities. Perhaps the need for more sleep is caused by the normal physiology of my ageing body, the diminishing ability to ‘bounce back’ from everything. Vicious rumour has it that things eventually head south even if you don’t have children. Logically the extent of my social life was always going to have to slow down at some point. If nothing else finances would have seen to that! But the truth is Motherhood has accelerated these priority changes.

And I don’t mind one bit.

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23 Comments

Oh i secretly quite like the change of priorities – I feel more grounded and settled than I ever did and I know that’s what having children has done. I love your words around marriage – you’re so right. Friendships – I hear you – I’d rather have a couple of really good friends instead of lots that aren’t really friends! Oh and motherhood accelerates the changes for sure – I don’t mind either! #BigPinkLink

I totally agree with you on all of the above. Sometimes I wonder is it age or is it children and i think it is the combination of both. Your priorities totally change and i feel a totally different person now, than what I did before children (and that was ony 4 years ago but feels like a lifetime of change ago) and I am with you I dont mind one bit xx Nicky #bigpinklink

Isn’t it amazing how priorities seem to change overnight with a baby? In the beginning, I wasn’t sure I was happy with it, but then again I think it was those pregnancy hormones that got me on a bit of a rollercoaster, now that that has all settled, I am much more happy with everything and everyone around me. I cherish the little things more and like you, I don’t mind one bit – even if some people think my life is boring! #bigpinklink

Well life is only boring because you can’t drop everything and go out as you want (or so people perceive). But life with kids, as all us mums know, is many things but boring isn’t one of them. We may not enjoy all the moments but the moments are rarely dull x

I think a change of priorities is very normal. Even our selfish priorities change. I’m no longer selfish about doing whatever I want, but I’m more selfish about sharing my precious family time.
It’s part of the life of parenting.
#stayclassymama

Ah I’m glad I clicked on this. Firstly, yes I relate in parts. Second, YOU DON’T DRINK TEA?! Oh God what’s going to happen to my grand plan of scoffing some of your baked good ones day whilst moaning about blogging to you over tea? Dammit. Third, how cute, I mean HOW CUTE are your girls?!! That photo is almost ridiculous it’s so beautiful!! Oh my heart. How could anyone’s priorities not change having those beauts in your life? #bigpinklink

Nope, no tea here! But that wouldn’t stop us moaning about blogging with a few of my baked goods any day you like! I drink coffee in abundance! Thank you for your kind words about the girls, they are pretty darn cute! (most of the time).

I often wonder if it’s motherhood or age and I think it’s a bit of both. I totally relate to a lots of these in particular the friends and the sleep. I’m totally ok with less friends and yes I don feel lonely sometimes but I think that’s because I don’t go to work. I never really felt lonely when I went back to work after my 1st was born. As for sleep well, m kids are a little bit like yours when they sleep. My eldest in particular suffers with nightmares often so I have to go sleep with him and when I wake up in the morning I feel like I have been run over!!!! Thank you for sharing with #StayCLassyMama

Wonderful post lovely, priorities definitely change when you become a parent, whether you like it or not. I’m quite happy to have changed my priorities and I’ll probably have to continually change them as my girls grow. Funny you should say that about tea, I went off tea during my pregnancies too and I’m still not keen on it now!! Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x

Oh yes to all of these. I’d probably add one more…career…I think once upon a time I was an ambitious middle manager in the healthcare industry. That young woman feels a distant memory! I’m sure that isn’t the case for everyone, but my work life balance just totally shifted – particularly after the second.
Thanks so much or linking up to #coolmumclub

Oh, this is so lovely! I am also a coffee fiend and fast walker. I like multi-tasking and getting things done. It is hard to wait til my 21 month old manages to climb to the top of the stairs herself as she’s determined to do it rather than just carry her. But I think it does make us all cherish simpler things more. I am secretly delighted there is no pressure to be out late on a weeknight (Or weekend)! And a little horrified when I meet mums who stay up late getting drunk together that I might get invited to something and have to do the same! 🙂 #coolmumclub

Hehe! I know! I have a friend who used to want to meet mid week for a couple of drinks. She has stopped suggesting it so much now, I think she eventually got the idea I was less keen and wanted to channel my inner hermit during the evenings.

From your coy mention of fulfilling ‘needs’ as a man and woman I’m guessing when you say marriage you really mean sex life? And you’re right of course it should be a top priority! So many women neglect this area when they become a mother and I think that’s why so many marriages don’t make it through the early childhood years. So important to keep those fires burning. Good on you mama!

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I'm Kirsty, a Mum to Ellie (5) and Trixie (3), blogging about our Eco Friendly, Foodie, Family Lifestyle.
On this blog you will find plenty of recipes from salads to cakes, as well on our latest tips to live a little more Eco friendly and tips to reduce household waste.
I am completely Pinterest and Instagram obsessed and find them great places for inspiration.