Personal Space: Making a mom cave for comfort, crafts or quiet

A Room of Her Own

By Lee Nelson/Life@Home

Valerie DeLaCruz initially rejected the idea of turning her spare bedroom into her office. Her friend, who was staying for the weekend, convinced her it was the perfect place instead of the basement she currently occupied, which had no natural light.

“I kept thinking where would my guests stay? But I rarely had guests,” says the interior designer, singer and writer from Niskayuna. (DeLaCruz writes the Home Décor @518 blog for 3 three times a week.)

After reconsidering her friend’s idea, DeLaCruz began to create her own “mom cave” a few years ago. First, she spruced up the walls with subtle off-white paint that included a hint of blue. She loves the ocean. A sand-colored carpet added to the room’s peacefulness. She also replaced the two windows with one big sheet of glass to show off the best views from her desk of the pond and thriving plants outside.

“Everybody needs a room or place of their own, particularly women. Let’s face it. Women are the heart of the home and family and juggle so many things,” she says. “My son tells me ‘I make it nice.’ That sums it up in about everything I try to do in life.”

Men have been claiming their spaces for decades with “man caves” designed with pool tables and bars in the basement, huge flat-screen televisions and surround sound in the family rooms, and/or workshops in the garage. Now increasing numbers of women are getting into the act as they realize they, too, need a space devoid of toys, noise and the rest of the family’s stuff. They need a space to just be themselves, to read, to create, to listen to their own music, to write or to just escape life’s stresses, DeLaCruz says.

“It is happening much more these days for women to carve out a space for themselves. I see it a lot as an interior designer but also as a woman and friend,” she says. “Everything is about making it as comfortable and nice as possible. We need that place to say ‘ahh.’ This is the time that no one is asking me for anything, and this is my haven.”

A mom cave can be anything you dream of, says Jacquelyn Aronson Falk. When her ex-husband moved out 12 years ago, she decided to turn the formal dining room into a home office and respite from the world.

“Women are givers. We always put everyone first. We share every room of the house,” says Falk, the owner of Jacquelyn Arson Design in Latham.

She suggests women start by looking at their home through the eyes of someone just stepping inside. Walk around and take notice of every closet, empty corner and room. Pay attention to the focus of each space and how it is used each week. Find a space that you want to spend time in such as by a window or fireplace.

“A basement or garage can be seasonal for certain hobbies, but you want to find a space you will be comfortable in year-round,” Falk says. “So many houses have guest rooms, formal living rooms or dining rooms that never get used. You need a quiet spot that is relaxing. When we relax, we are more productive. It’s not being selfish.”

As you tour your home, look at how the sun warms an area during a certain part of the day or how the traffic flows past a communal area when everyone is home. Ask yourself if you could really escape from the stress and the family once you pick a spot.

“If an area is a common area such as the family room, is it possible to put up a screen or bookshelves around your own space or even camouflage it with a big plant or other barrier to give you that enclosed feeling?” Falk says.

You can also create a faux canopy that comes from the ceiling with a drapery rod and a beautiful swag of material, DeLaCruz adds. “You can even put up beaded curtains or fringe from the ’70s. When the curtain is down, it is a sign for others to keep out,” she says.

Making the Space Your Own

When Falk transformed her dining room into her home office, it was already a beautiful room. She used the elaborate glass-top dining table as her desk. She added a comfy chair, leopard-print storage boxes for her files, and silver accessories to hold pens and paper.

“The room was close to everything, but we never used it,” she says, “so I just began making it a special spot for me with all the things I loved.”

She tells her clients to do a little at a time. She suggests looking through magazines for inspiration. Once you are in the space, personalize it. Paint is an easy and inexpensive way to set a mood.

Make the space personal with dishes, photos and other mementos that remind you of the things you love. For storage, try wicker baskets, antique jars or wooden boxes. Then warm it up with candles and a vase of fresh flowers, Falk says. If reading is an activity for your mom cave, find that perfect chair that lets you sink in and relax.

“Lighting is the real key,” DeLaCruz says. “Stick with lamp lighting because overhead lighting gets harsh and doesn’t give you a cozy feeling.” Scented candles can also exude a nice ambient light or just a fresh scent even when it isn’t lighted, she adds.

Stephen Deitcher, owner of Deitcher’s Design Center in Cohoes, says the critical guiding design should be entirely up to you — and no one else. “It’s a very personal choice of color, style, fixtures and function. Personal space is very important, no matter how small or elaborate,” he says. “It’s just a matter of encouraging our clients to bring out their own decorating abilities. You can even make a closet become a great place for whatever your needs are.”

Finding the Goods

The right furniture and accessories can truly turn a mom cave into something personal and inviting. “You can start with one chair in the color and fabric you love. That differentiates it from the other spaces,” Deitcher says. “If you are an apartment dweller, you may not have the luxury of having too much extra space. A chair or an area that can be separated from the rest of the room can truly make a difference in someone’s life.”

Falk loves going to places such as Michael’s Crafts or A.C. Moore stores. Craft stores have great deals on tables, pictures and unique storage containers made of glass, wood and stainless steel. The idea that you can’t find anything sophisticated in discount stores such as Target and T.J. Maxx, she says, is wrong. “That’s just not true. I have found Ralph Lauren furniture in a Home Goods store,” she says.

Flea markets, Goodwill and consignment shops, garage and estate sales, as well as online discount websites such as Overstock.com are also perfect places to discover great deals to add depth and character to a mom cave with mirrors, tables, lamps, clocks, electronic equipment such as DVD players and televisions, bookshelves, curtains and more.

“The woman’s position in the household has evolved,” Deitcher says. “They have so many roles and demands on their time. Having some little space for themselves is good. But it’s very important that they actually capture those moments of peace and relaxation. Once they have their mom cave, they need to use it, even (if) for only a few minutes a day.