Archive for the ‘Informational Stuff’ Category

Folks, I have been thinking about something for the last week or two. And I hope it makes some sense.

We see all sorts of bad stuff on television, on the internet, and any other way we consume media these days. And it can be hard to keep going. People dying in Florida at a school shooting (why, oh why?) is only the latest awful thing to take over the airwaves.

This affects everyone, whether you know it or not. People dying when they don’t need to is hard for society as a whole to bear. And it seems to happen over and over again.

So, why am I saying to be good to yourself, rather than all the stuff I normally say? It’s simple. I think in addition to talking to your legislators (if you feel the need), making donations to groups you support (including those supporting responsible and safe gun ownership), you need to remember to take time for yourself in your day, especially when times are hard or bad.

Most of us don’t do this. And then we wonder why we get worn down to nubs at the end of the day.

I have friends who have multiple jobs, and also write. I have other friends who are like me; they try to help their family members and friends as best they can, do their work, and cram in writing whenever possible. (Tonight, mind, I’m also cramming in a concert with the Racine Concert Band, another thing I enjoy doing.)

We don’t remember that we, ourselves, are the priorities in our lives. We think about others. We don’t think about us, because we’re taught not to, and the few who do seem to think about themselves at all are so blatantly narcissistic, any reasonable and decent person wants no part of that.

But there is a continuum, you see. You don’t have to be a narcissist to be good to yourself.

All I ask you tonight is, try to do something good for yourself every day, if only for five minutes. Listen to some music you haven’t heard in a while but you really like. Read a chapter of a book you’ve been meaning to get around to. Take a bubble bath. Go find one of those massage chairs (or ask a friend) and get your neck and/or back massaged.

That way, it’s easier to do everything else you need to do — including when you need to deal with bad news you’d rather not have to deal with (such as the latest school shooting) — with a fuller heart.

The last week or two has been challenging, and I haven’t enjoyed my time much. While I have managed to read a number of good books (including Deborah Harkness’ A DISCOVERY OF WITCHES, a book I had wanted to read for over a year, and Audrey Sharpe’s two fine space opera books, the latter being THE CHAINS OF FREEDOM), and I’ve written a little bit, I’ve mostly had to rest.

And I find rest boring.

So, I read and re-read favorite books, including a number of Sharon Lee and Steve Miller’s Liaden series, the three Allie books of Katharine Eliska Kimbriel, and the two Zero books by Chris Nuttall. I thought a lot about the stories I was working on, and talked with other writers about their stories. And I did just a little editing here and there, to keep my hand in…as I truly do hate doing nothing.

Of course, I haven’t been doing nothing. I’ve been recovering. But it feels like nothing, and I won’t pretend it doesn’t.

Granted, I have the philosophy that “work does a body good.” But sometimes, when your body is worn-down, all you can do is rest and prepare your next assault on the “work fortress.” And that’s where I’ve been, the past two weeks.

I look forward to getting back up to speed soon, though. So keep watching this space…as you never do know what I’m about to say next. (Is that part of my charm? I’d like to think so.)

Folks, it’s been a while since I’ve written a post like this, but here goes:

The most important thing in life is this: You need to remember to dare to risk. Even when it hurts. And even when it doesn’t seem like the risk is worth the reward…do it anyway.

Why am I writing this?

Well, as a writer, every time I sit down to do something with a story, I’m risking the chance of failure.

But as a person, every time I open myself up and am vulnerable to someone, I’m risking the chance of being completely and totally misunderstood. Or unappreciated. Or just…nothing.

I know that. I am not a fool. And I choose to dare that risk, at least in part because it’s the only way, sometimes, to learn something…even if it’s something I’d rather not.

And there are other reasons to dare that risk, too.

Daring to risk is possibly the most important thing I can do, or any writer can do, or any creative person of any possible permutation can do, because it is the only way to express what needs to be expressed. And feeling the pain, sometimes, of risks that don’t work out is necessary, because none of us get through this life unscathed.

I’ve written before about the apocryphal Buddha story–the “search all around the world, daughter, and see if you can find anyone who does not suffer, then report back to me.” Buddha knew, in that story, that every single person had faced suffering of some sort or another, and that it was impossible to live a human life without it.

Now, being married to a Buddhist, I know that suffering is not to be avoided. It’s part of life, as obnoxious as it is to us, and yet thrusting it away causes bigger problems.

Why am I saying all this?

Simply this: I believe, very strongly in fact, that sometimes we have to be prepared to take our lumps. Daring to risk does not mean you’ll always succeed…and it certainly doesn’t mean at all that you will ever succeed, for that matter. But the risk is worth it for its own reward, that of knowing you did everything you possibly could, and then some, to make your dreams come true.

That sometimes there’s nothing you can do? Well, feeling that pain allows you to better inform the stories you write, and make them feel real.

(At least, so I’m telling myself right now. There has to be a reason for it, and that one is as good as any.)

Anyway, don’t let the bad days stop you from daring to risk it all for art, for love, for friendship, or for anything else you feel is worthwhile.

Because the moment you stop risking, that’s the moment you stop living. (Got it?)

———

By the way, folks…later today, I’ll be writing about two books I think you should keep an eye out for, Jason Cordova’s DEVASTATOR (out next week) and Kayelle Allen’s BRINGER OF CHAOS: FORGED IN FIRE. Both are second books in two very good series; both feature believable science and speculation, some darkness, some light, some romance, and are generally cracking good reads. So if you haven’t read Jason’s CORRUPTOR yet or Kayelle’s BRINGER OF CHAOS: THE ORIGINS OF PIETAS either, you really are missing out…can’t wait to tell you more about these two interesting stories. (No, I’m not always doom and gloom, or reminding you to take risks. But yes, do take that risk.)

Folks, my Collaboration with a Purpose buddies came up with some great blogs this time, and I wanted to make sure you knew about them. (My blog, of course, thanked teachers, but there are all sorts of other professions to thank…) So, without further ado, here’s a bit about each blog, and why I found it interesting!

Addison D’Marko’s blog post thanks neuro-science, and she has a great reason why. When she was in sixth grade, she read a book about the brain that so impressed her, to the point that when she became paralyzed years later, she remembered it in her hour of need. (That book was The Brain That Changes Itself, by the way.)

Nicolle K. at her blog Stories of Ahsi thanks unsung heroes, and her reasoning behind that is fascinating. She says unsung heroes are the most interesting of all, and she has very good reasoning as to why this is the case. And she has a great demonstration from a story she read years ago, too… (In short, go read this blog immediately! You’ll thank yourself afterward.)

And Nicolle, you didn’t need to thank your fellow bloggers, but bless you for doing so. (Embarrassed blush.) Moving on…

The amazing and talented Tajwar Fatma wrote a post thanking doctors, which again makes wonderful sense as she’s currently studying to become a doctor. (And she’s nearly done, too, yay!) Read all about why she loves becoming a doctor, and why she’s very thankful for doctors overall.

But it’s almost insane that she had to point out that attacking doctors on call is a crime. (Apparently that has happened in her neck of the woods, and that is horrible. Leave those doctors alone.)

The always-inspiring Ipuna Black has a post thanking police officers, and her reasoning is quite intriguing. She points out that police officers have a tough job, and it’s just gotten worse since the horrible shooting in Las Vegas. And yet, without them, what kind of lives would most people have?

She also has a great paragraph that I’m going to quote in its entirety:

I had to start this post by thanking everyone who lives to help others. Isn’t that what this world is about? Every day we have an opportunity to impact another person’s life. Take a moment to look at the pictures above. Each person is impacting another life. We can choose any profession we want, so why not choose something you are passionate about? Passionate people in their professions impact thousands (and maybe even more) people.

Absolutely. Right on, Ipuna!

The inspiring Jane Love wrote about the need to be thankful for parents. She also discusses thankfulness, specifically from a Christian perspective. There’s a lot of good to be found here, and I hope my readers who are not specifically Christian in their beliefs will be able to see the good in Jane’s post and apply whatever they can to their own lives.

And writer and teacher Sadaf Siddiqi’s take on the subject is quite intriguing; she talks about thankfulness, and the need to thank people regardless of their professions. She discusses a few specific professions, mind, including her own of teacher…but her main impetus is that we need to be thankful for everyone who does a meaningful job.

(I completely agree with her.)

Jothish Joseph also has a take on thanking all professions that I enjoyed quite a bit. (Jothish is a fun-loving, kind-hearted, good guy. I always enjoy reading his posts.) And to my mind, Jothish is right when he discusses how the people who clean up behind us need to be much better-respected overall. He first discusses how many others of his acquaintance do not understand this very important tenet (that all deserve respect, and that no one should look down on anyone), and then discusses this story:

One day I visited the Dhobi to give my laundry. As always there was a fairly long line. I stood in the queue and waited for my chance. The person just ahead of me rudely handed over his clothes and seemed to be very annoying. As a result the lady collecting the laundry was annoyed and visible change in her mood was seen. That’s when my turn came. I gave my laundry and said a thank you when I was done. I got a smile in return.

Since that day every time that I go there, I am greeted with a smile and sometimes also enquired about how I’ve been!

I loved this story.

Divyang Shah also thanks all professions, and discusses three in particular. The one I found the most intriguing is about software engineers; Divyang is one, so he knows exactly what they do, and how much of what we need for daily living depends on them.

Well done, Divyang!

Mylene Orillo’s post is wonderful, too. She thanks soldiers, along with military spouses and families, and has excellent reasons as to why:

Some of you don’t know that soldiery is one of the closest professions in my heart as I was once a military cadet and a frustrated Army soldier. Yes, I would have joined the Army ‘coz I’m not a good swimmer if I join the Navy and I’m also afraid of heights if I join the Air Force. I was an incoming senior in college when I entered a military school in 2001 and trained there for two years.

…

Since I also worked for the Philippine Army as a civilian employee for eight years, I knew (although I didn’t experience it first-hand) what’s it’s like to be in the service from the stories of my office-mates, bosses, and closest friends and their families.

That’s why I have high respects for people who are in the military or uniformed service in general because I know their sacrifices and I know how they are living their lives away from their families. So whenever I hear stories about soldiers, especially my classmates, upperclassmen, or underclassmen who were wounded or dead in battle, it never fails to break me into pieces and make me really emotional.

Mylene’s right about soldiers, their families, and most especially their spouses. (This former military wife thanks you for remembering us, Mylene! Almost no one does.)

Finally, the incredible Sonyo Estavillo wrote a post specifically thanking those in Las Vegas who responded to the horrific shooting, most especially the police officers. Sonyo points out that she used to live in Las Vegas, and that this shooting was absolutely horrific for many, many reasons; that the shooter had no record is one of those, but that he did something like this at an event that’s generally considered to be family-friendly is even worse. She has some country music fans in her family who still live in the area, and she’s grateful they weren’t there…but as she knows that “there but for the grace of God” goes her family, she felt the need to write a post thanking the policemen (and other first responders).

I completely agree with her reasoning, and I hope people will read this post and think, profoundly, about how much police officers do every day that is never celebrated, nor even noted; we normally only think about the “bad apples,” not the others, and that gives most of us a distorted view of the profession at hand. (No wonder no one thinks about thanking police officers, when all we ever hear is bad…and yet, the vast majority of police officers are good, kind, and decent people who do a very difficult job so others can live in safety and peace.)

Anyway, all the various posts were great, in their respective ways, and I truly hope you will check them out forthwith. (You’ll enjoy them. And they may make you think, too…which is a win/win, in my book.)

Folks, this is the latest in a series of blogs done under the aegis of Collaboration with a Purpose. I hope you’ll enjoy it.

Today, I want to thank teachers. All of them, in all of their various permutations.

Why? Well, without people willing to teach, we’d not be able to learn…and without people putting themselves out there selflessly, maybe no one would learn anything at all.

Some of you have to be saying, “Barb, why are you saying this so strongly? What’s the point? Yeah, teachers are great and all, but why glorify them above other professions?”

(Which, by the way, is the point of this whole post. The Collaboration with a Purpose topic this time, as you see from the lovely picture Nicolle K. put together, was “Thank a profession.” But I digress.)

I know that one of the reasons I have the thirst for knowledge and learning is because of how I was taught, from the time I was very young, by many people in my life. Not just my elementary and secondary school teachers, but by my parents, my grandparents, my Aunt Laurice (who taught me a few chords on the piano when I asked, though I promptly forgot them when I went away from her and the piano)…without my mother and grandmother teaching me to read, spell, and do simple sums, I would’ve been at a grave disadvantage when I turned up in kindergarten.

And then, along the way, I discovered more about music. My first music teacher helped me learn how to play the oboe, and then there was a huge teacher’s strike that lasted months.

But by that time, I was hooked. I played for my grandmother, who watched me and my sibs as we waited out the teacher’s strike. I played for my parents, when they came home from work. And I worked my way through three different books, learning more notes and fingerings and songs, to the point I nearly made my teacher cry — with happiness, mind — when we finally resumed school.

And I was sent to a private teacher, who taught me more…and another teacher, who taught me even more…

You get my drift, yes?

Anyway, without teachers, especially in childhood when our minds are malleable, it would be much harder to get into a habit of lifelong learning. And that is vitally important, especially in this day and age when technology seemingly changes on a dime and there are constant and inevitable changes to deal with, just different ones at different times.

And I also want to thank the librarians, teachers in their own right, who helped point me in the right direction after I realized I wanted to learn even more after school was over.

Without all of them, I think I would’ve turned out to be a much different, and far lesser, person.

So, thank you, teachers! Thanks for the help, and the guidance, and the learning, and for passing it along.

Folks, I keep thinking about communication. What does it mean, and how can we improve it?

Communication, to me at least, means that someone is saying to me, “I am listening. I am paying attention to what you’re saying. What you are talking about matters even if I don’t understand it, but I do want to understand.”

We see a real dearth of communication these days, and not just in our personal lives. (The lack of communication in Washington, DC, these days is startling. Even by non-communicative DC standards.) And yet, no one seems to know how to improve it, to make things any better…and the bad communication (or worse, complete lack of communication whatsoever) just keeps going on and on, dragging down everything it touches.

If you are having communication problems with someone else, try to listen. If you can’t do that because you are swamped with work, at least tell that person you will listen as soon as you can and that you do care. (Yeah, is this a personal message to someone? Maybe. But maybe not. There are a lot of people in my life I’d tell this to, if I could get them to sit down and listen.) And then, make some time and listen. Don’t judge — listen.

Communication isn’t just for breakfast anymore. (Who knew?)

Anyway, the only way to fix bad communication is to actually try. Refuse to be afraid of confrontation; just make sure that you are as respectful and calm as you can be, or if you can’t be either, apologize for your lack of same and then get on with trying to understand each other.

This is harder to do with some than others, granted. But if you are friends, or family, or have common interests, or work together, you have to try to do this even when you don’t want to, or the problems that will result from same will just keep snowballing…

And there is no point to that. At all.

***Note: I am fortunate that nearly everyone I know can and does communicate. But my goodness. I am tired of the non-communication in this world…beyond tired. Thus, this post.

Folks, you probably have noticed that I haven’t written a blog in nearly a week.

There is a reason for that. Three of them, to be exact: Hand issues. Frustration. And lots of editing.

My writing has taken a big-time backseat to all of this.

Now, as for the hand issues? I have tendinitis in both hands and wrists. (Until recently, I was told this was carpal tunnel syndrome, but now, the diagnosis has been revised.) Typing is painful at the moment. Using my arms at all is painful, too. I’m going to hand therapy, using heat, ultrasound, and doing various exercises, all so I can continue to use my hands as best I can.

Why am I so worried about my hands? (This may seem basic, but please bear with me.) Without my hands, I can’t work. As being an editor pays most of my bills, I need to do this despite the pain.

That’s why writing, for the moment, is taking a backseat, even though I don’t like it much. I just can’t concentrate on my stories right now, because everything I’ve got is going either into the hand therapy, my editing, or just living day-to-day life.**

In addition, I have another concert to play in a week and a half with the Racine Concert Band as a saxophonist. My part won’t be very difficult; I will have no solos, I will not have any exposed parts, and I will be someone that most people won’t even realize is playing. Yet the conductor and other members of the band would notice if I didn’t show up, and thus I’m going to go and do my best.

Even though it hurts.

I’ve persisted through a lot in my life. I’ve endured divorces, deaths, health problems, financial distress, floods, earthquakes, and probably a number of other things I’m forgetting right now. So you can assume I’m going to persist through this obstacle, too.

Do I wish things were easier right now? You’d better believe it.

But I’m glad I can still type. I’m glad that I can still play my saxophone, even if it’s not at the level I want, even if I don’t have solos anymore, even if for the most part I’ll probably never again be someone most people in the crowd think about when they go see a concert.

I’m doing what I can. I have to take comfort in that.

No matter how frustrating I find this situation to be, I will not give up.

I just have to pick and choose my spots for a while. That’s all.

——

**Note that I am still thinking about my stories. I have written down some prose notes. I have talked with other writers, and am doing what I can to re-read the works in progress, and keep going as best I can with my thought process overall. I know that my mind never stops working, so maybe being hindered will eventually produce some better, richer, deeper stories…one can only hope, right?