Rush 24/7 Morning Update: Poop Patrol

RUSH: San Francisco, sadly, isn’t what it used to be. With all the crime, homelessness, drug abuse, and mountains of human feces, the tourism industry is going down the crapper.

In just one week in July, there were over 16,000 complaints of human poop on the streets, folks. So, the City Fathers, the City Mothers, and the City Trans-Others got into gear.

San Francisco has now instituted its very own Human Poop Patrol. The job isn’t hard. You clean the poop and disinfect the area.

There’s money to be made.

The average San Francisco Human Poop Patroller will earn $185,000 a year — $71,000 in salary, the rest in benefits.

Now in most of the country, $185,000 is a healthy nut. People would put up with a lot of poop for a paycheck like that!

But before you put in your Poop Patrol application, I have a warning. In San Francisco, you won’t be able to afford housing if you’re only making 185 thousand a year. So you’ll be living…? Well, if not on the streets very near them, patrolling and cleaning up poop that you might not be able to get away from.