Life as a mother/wife/sister/daughter…good days and bad…we all have them.

Category Archives: control

I am as sick of talking politics as the rest of the world is…for sure.

But I struggled for two days to put into words, my perception of how things unfolded with our Presidential Election. It finally hit me, but there was no intelligent way for me to explain it, other than this…

The La-La Vote.

It happened.

Many people will deny it, but when you look at the numbers for the Electoral AND the Popular votes, there is no denying it.

You cannot tell me every vote was cast by a so-called deplorable –

Uneducated white racist/bigoted voter…

You cannot tell me every middle and low income family voted liberally for one of the most unfavorable candidates in history…

Or just because she was a woman…

These votes were cast by people of all races and ethnic backgrounds. By doctors and lawyers and teachers and firemen. People who were successful, and people who struggled to feed their families.

I cannot fathom the vast majority of my town where Trump signs decorated almost every single lawn, that these hard working,(some wealthy some not), folks have that much hate in them to have voted for a candidate whose ideals are based on hate. And all of them being okay with turning the clock back fifty years, especially in a small town where our schools are diverse and many families are in the low income bracket. Are my neighbors speaking to these black and Hispanic families directly? We don’t want your kind here…get out! Maybe a few think like that, but all I have seen is open arms and love and support for all ethnicities in my town…so what is it then?

I cannot fathom a very liberal environmentally-conscious family such as ours with lots of kids (some in college), voting for Clinton,(who changes her mind to suit the vote and the audience), and comes out more popular in the race with no firm stance on TPP or the pipeline, or money in politics…how could anyone vote for a person who was taking millions as she spoke about getting Wall Street out of politics?

I choose to see it like this-

There are a handful of true racist, backwards thinking bigots who came out of the woodwork when they heard there was a leader who spoke their language…maybe they cast a vote on Tuesday, or maybe they just screamed and yelled at rallies and at the t.v. for a year and will slither back to where they came from. Regardless, they made it known to the world, that they still exist…that the hate still exists.

It never went away.

Then there are those people who just vote to vote. They don’t watch the news or pay attention on social media. Born and raised a Democrat or Republican, they stay true to their party, no matter who the candidate. No fear or consequence in their minds by casting a vote if you are not aware of all the commotion its causing.

Which brings us back to the La-La Vote…

These folks are aware of what is going on…the corruption, the lies, the hate, the rage brewing. They don’t understand the idea of third party voting and they don’t want to not vote. They paint pretty little pretty pictures in their minds and on social media of their candidate and ideals to suit their needs and desires for their vision of America.

They just want their party to rule.

So they were backed up against a wall…

You must choose between one of these two people…ignore the facts, ignore the scandals, ignore the proof that neither one should have been allowed to continue to run due to all the investigations and corruption. But we were forced into being left with this…

See nothing. Hear nothing. Say nothing.

For the love of all things Holy, just let this nightmare be over…

Those doctors and lawyers and teachers didn’t want to hear about rape scandals and walls being built anymore than the doctors and lawyers and teachers on the other side of the aisle wanted to hear about smashed cell phones, and email scandals and dirty money.

It is over. Finally.

And now half of the La-La Voters are very mad. The losing side, obviously.

Rightfully so…but maybe, just maybe if they had taken their fingers out of their ears or uncovered their eyes, something could have been about it much sooner. And for those who did cast a vote in his favor, if things wind up getting ugly or violent, you chose to look the other way as well.

Neither side can cast a stone.

The numbers and the knowledgewere there all along. There were many other options for both sides…so it is what it is now.

We need to pick ourselves up and rise above it…

I grew up in a family of Republicans, and know that this is not how most Republicans think. His words were extreme to grab the attention of the world and get votes…and it worked.

My prediction,(as we have already started to see), is a lot of back-peddling on policies and ideas. And those who truly reveled in the hate speech will just have to go back to where they came from…

There is no room in this world for hate anymore.

It is not welcome.

We all need to take responsibility for how and why we got to this point. But some will continue on, fingers in their ears, blaming others.

Regardless of who is President, one thing is evident…hate does still exist. And there is still so much work to do to clean up Washington and the corruption in politics.

I am voting on Tuesday, as we all should. But I have decided to stick with my gut, and vote with my heart. I will be writing Bernie Sanders in. He told his supporters months ago, to not listen to him if he tried to convince us to vote for someone else.

And I trust he is right.

Otherwise, I am stuck with voting for two humans…a man and a woman…who are, combined, the most loathed candidates at one time in U.S. Presidential election history.

Both equally shady. Both equally disturbing.

I won’t tell anyone who to vote for, but I sure have had many people attempt to convince me to drop the Bernie act, or else.

I see it as a much bigger problem though.

We can be bullied into voting for one of two people who most likely will wind up having to be pardoned or impeached. I choose to save our country a little time a money, and be more optimistic.

We had a candidate that crushed the GOP candidates in almost every poll. We had a candidate that surpassed the other choice in many polls and won a shocking number of states in the primary…

But somehow he lost. We let him go.

We really needed someone-anyone like him to revive this self-destructive country from even more potential damage.

We should have been focusing on what was truth and what we needed to heal as a nation from years of failing healthcare, violence against each other, hate, low wages…

Instead we were distracted with even more violence and hate and even more of a headache with more insane plans for healthcare, how to stop violence, and creating jobs and equality for all.

We were told we were not sensitive enough to blacks, to gays, to police, to refugees…we were told to hate the other side even more because the Orange guy said racist and bigoted things. We were told to hate the lady in the pantsuit because…well, because she is a lady.

We never stopped to look around at the rubble…of the senseless murders of all the blacks and gays and police we were all too busy hating on.

The smoke is so thick in front of our eyes…

We have been blinded by the media and government…this hate never went away. Martin Luther King Jr. lead the path to transparency to seek truth and justice…but it wasn’t over yet.

It never really went away.

The Orange guy says all those dirty little secrets that have been whispered for ages…he spoke truths for those who were silenced by the media and government…and that’s ok in my book. We were fooled. We began to think people were more empathetic towards each other…enlightened after too many years of hate. These folks never decided to be more open-minded or more liberal. They kept talking, but no one was listening…until now.

The Orange guy handed them the megaphone on a silver platter…for ALL the world to hear…yes, world, this is how many Americans still feel. They are full of hate and fear and loathing for all things different-sexuality, abortion, race…nothing has changed.

And as for that lady…I wouldn’t give her that dignified title as a Lady…

She may have a vagina, but she has the balls of a hundred men.

To brazenly try to walk back in the White House as the rightful heir after she and her husband and their entourage of thugs were ever so nicely kicked to the curb…for many good reasons.

So now we are to forget about all their scandals, and all the hate speech the Orange guy spews and celebrate Tuesday night as we elect one of two criminal psychopaths? We are to cheer and to praise God he won/she won? That it is finally over?

Wednesday will be a hangover that will last for four very long years…

America made the wrong choices…for both parties.

I will not tell you to write in Bernie (although if you want to, that’s great!), but we need to reflect on how we got to this point, and how we will survive four years of pure hell. We had plenty of options on both sides…and now we have come to this…

I will have to live with your choices…I voted for Bernie. And I will not be told to or bullied into voting for either of your candidates. I will not make this bed…

It overwhelms me. Last night was the worst in a long time. I lost three hours of sleep because of it.

Alone with my thoughts and not sure what to do with myself…

My husband took our kids to his Mother’s for a visit..an overnight.

It was a gift to me…something I am always wishing for, or complaining that I never have time to myself, to do what I want, whenever I want…

Well, my wish came true. I had almost two whole days alone to do whatever I wanted.

I admit, I sat here, in front of the t.v. thinking that was what I really wanted, even though I had requested this time alone to “get stuff done” around the house.

I sat in front the t.v. wasting an hour of my time thinking that was one thing I never get to do…watch whatever I want. I zoned out like a moron, not finding anything remotely enjoyable to satisfy the need for something other than cartoons and cooking shows.

So I got motivated…I cleaned out closets and did laundry, and dusted…I was very productive for hours...then went to dinner with some family and really enjoyed myself…I didn’t have to take anyone to the bathroom at the restaurant or cut someone else’s food or be interrupted in my conversations. It was enjoyable.

Until I fell sound asleep, thanks to a few cocktails and a full belly and lots of cleaning all afternoon…I knew I would sleep well.

Or so I had hoped.

I woke at three a.m., heart racing feeling dizzy and confused. Why was I sleeping on the sofa? Where was everyone? I realized I was alone.

Just me.

I thought of every happy thought I could bring to mind…put on a bad sitcom…checked in on my blog to see my stats rising after having it re-blogged for the first time…

Nothing would shake it.

Anxiety…panic…whatever you want to call it…it wasn’t leaving.

It makes me jittery now just remembering how freaked out and bad my anxiety got.

I am terrified to be alone.

I used to live alone for a few years, and I loved it. That was pre-marriage and pre-kids…but still…I did it before, so why can’t I do it now? Why cant I enjoy it like I did then? Because someday in the future, all the kids will be gone-off to explore themselves create their own lives.

and I will have my husband, but there will be times when I will be alone again…and that causes me even more anxiety to think I may hate it or fear it.

This is who I am now, I guess…so deal with it…buck up woman!

But I don’t want anxiety…I want to feel peaceful and calm and enjoy life…

Maybe I need to do it more often so it isn’t such a scary thing…but for now…

I survived the night…I am very tired and rattled today, but thankful that my family returns today and will have a full house again…