Still In Love With Him: How It Started

I met my soul mate when I was 15 years old, 23 years ago (do the math). I was new at school, and a friend introduced me to a huge group of, for lack of a better term, dead head kids. I was a guidette, totally didn't fit. When he got to him, he had a mouth full of Twinkie and our eyes focused on each other, and I giggled. The introductions commenced. He then got up, after wiping the Twinkie from his face, walked over to me, took my hand and re-introduced himself. 2 years before, when I was 13, a Ouija board told me my true love's name was CJ, those were not his initials, they were CT. But the thought popped in my head, I remember it exactly. Then the bell rang, he let go of my hand, which he had held for a good few seconds longer than he should have, and he walked away with a few of his friends. I asked my friend about him, he said "He has a girlfriend. Stay away, major player. He'd never go for you anyway. You're too sweet. ha ha."

Throughout the next year we all were school only friends, and they were a lot of fun and made me laugh throughout the day. They were also older than me, and cooler than me, and kind of treated me like a little sister. I tried to have a relationship with his best friend, but when we kissed it was like kissing a brother, very funny moment. He then took on a role of protective older brother, and his main rule was: NO CT. I couldn't help flirting with him though, and he couldn't seem to help flirting with me. Then one day, he invited me, and a few others up to his house, his parents had moved over 1000 miles away, and he was living in a huge secluded home on top of a mountain. We all hung out there a lot over the next year. CT and I flirted, and would curl up on the couch together to watch TV. He would always touch the small of my back whenever he walked by me, or the back of my arm. I was falling deeper into a crush, he was going through girlfriends like a banshee.

One day I ran out to grab a pizza, when I got back one of the guys said he was in the bathtub and needed to talk to me. I didn't want to go in, I was really naive and shy. They pushed me in, and I was pleasantly surprised to find he was totally covered by bubbles (real tough guy huh?). I tried to stay cool, and act like it was no big deal. We talked a few minutes, I eventually sat on the edge of the tub. Of course the flicking of the bubbles started and eventually that led to him splashing me and I was drenched. So after a few quirky exchanges, I ******** and was sitting across from him in the tub. Only my calf touched his thigh, and his calf was touching my thigh. It was a big heated base tub, and we sat there for 3 hours talking. 3 HOURS! TALKING! I remember thinking to myself, I must be really unattractive to him, because he didn't seem to be phased at all that we were sitting in a tub, naked together.

So I finally asked. "After all this time. After all the little touches, the falling asleep together, the cuddling on the couch... Why haven't you ever kissed me?"

His answer, and I swear its true, this is fact. This actually happened! He said "Because if I started I wouldn't be able to stop." Is that what every girl wants to hear or what? I mean come on!!

So I leaned forward and said "What if I started?"

He leaned forward "You wouldn't."

I leaned forward very slowly, and gently kissed his bottom lip. In turn he wrapped his arms around me and flipped me on my back, kissing me hard, and bubbles went everywhere. The most amazing kiss of my life, of most peoples lives. It was amazing, until there was a bang on the door and "big Brother" was asking to speak to him.

We spent the next 6 months, always together. We did everything together like a couple. Slept, ate, hung out. B ut we weren't a couple. First of all, "Big Brother" was not a fan, secondly CT still technically had a girlfriend away at college. So we were "together" in front of a small group of close friends, but outwardly, we were just friends, like we had been for years. It was hard. And it sucked, because i turns out, I wasn't a unattractive as I had thought. A lot of guys asked me out, flirted with me and gave me there numbers, sometimes in front of him, and I had to play it off.

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