DON’T POKE THE TIGER!

This is Buddy, the bionic Norwegian forest beast. If you value your fingers, I strongly advise against petting him, he will fuck you up.

Vital stats:

Length (nose to arse): 51cm

Length (nose to tail tip): 85cm

Food consumption: 6 packets of Felix per day

Miles per packet: 0.4

Weight: 6 Kilograms

Temperament: Feisty to arsey, occasionally cuddly

Hobbies: Fighting cats, baiting dogs, biting me

Sadly, Buddy died after a prolonged bout of pancreatitis on 26th October, 2013. He was four months away from his sixth birthday. We’ll miss him, for all his bitey, ornery, uppity nature. Or indeed, perhaps because of it.

He is, but he is also an enormous pain in the backside. Around the fourth or fifth time he ambushes me every day whining horribly for more food, invariably when I’m in the middle of something very tricky, I entertain fantasies of firing him out of a large cat-cannon.

Don’t worry, I’d provide him with a little helmet emblazoned with the Union Jack. I’m not heartless.