#include '../template.wml'<subject"My Humour Collection"/><define-tagjokeendtag="required">%body<hrclass="joke"/></define-tag><joke><h3><i>AJewishDeduction</i></h3><p>TheBibledictatesthat"Thou shalt not seethe [=cook] a kid [= young goat] inhismother'smilk." To avoid any possibility of breaking that regulation, theJewishtraditionruledthatitalsoappliestofemalegoats,tomaturegoats,andtothemeatandmilkoftwocompletelyunrelatedgoats.Itisalsoforbiddentoeatthemeatwithfreshmilk,anditappliestobeefandmuttenaswell(includingmixingthemilkandmeatoftwodifferentbeasts).Finally,chicken,whichareincapableofmilkproduction,maynotbeeatenalongwithanymammal'smilkeither.</p><p>WearefortunatethatmostmathematicianswerenotJewish.Otherwise,itwouldhavebeenforbiddentodividebyallnumbersbetween-1and1.</p><pclass="indent"><i>Thisbitusedtoappearonmysignatureforashortwhile,butpeoplegotmadbecauseitwastoolong,soIreplacedit.</i></p></joke><joke>Iusedtobearrogant.NowI'msimplyperfect.<pclass="indent"><i>RonenBorshack(mycousin)</i></p></joke><joke><p>IftheancientGreekshadinventedUNIX,Murphy'sLawwouldhavebeenknownasAristotle'sLaw.<br/>HadtheyinventedMS-Windows,Murphy'sLawwouldhavebeenknownastheLawofSocrates.<br/></p></joke><joke><p>Microsoft'ssloganusedtobe"Microsoft - making it all make sense."<br/>Todayitshouldbe:"Microsoft - making everything make sense. <b>Ours</b>."<br/></p><p>Andanothertwist:<br/>"Microsoft - friendliness is our outstanding quality. No matter how much wemessupyourcomputerwork,wewillalwaysconsideryouourfriend."</p></joke><joke><p>TheAmericanLottery-allyouneedisadollarandadream.Wewilltakethedollar,butyoucankeepthedream.</p><pclass="indent"><i>(OneofmypreviousE-mailsignatures)</i></p></joke><joke>Idon'tbelieveinfairies.Oops!Afairydied.<br/>Idon'tbelieveinfairies.Oops!Anotherfairydied.<pclass="indent"><i>Idon'treallyknowwhosaidit,soit'spossiblethatIinventedit.</i></p></joke><joke><pre>:)-&lt;+--</pre><pclass="indent"><i>MosestheSmiley</i></p></joke><joke><p>Theprefix"God Said"hastheextraordinarylogicalpropertyofconvertinganystatementthatfollowsitintoatrueone.</p></joke><joke><h3>Deltasto"Shit Happens"accordingtoReligions:</h3><p>Judaism:Godknowsyouwilldoshit,doesnothingtopreventit,butmakesyoutaketheblameforitanyways.</p><p>Oralternatively:</p><p>Godisalltheshit,allthenon-shitandalltheintermediatedemi-shitsinbetween.</p></joke><joke><p>Let'sinterpretthepastaccordingtothepresentandnotthepresentaccordingtothepast.</p><pclass="indent"><i>(FromanE-maildiscussionwithBenPfaff)</i></p></joke><joke><p>"Computer Sciense is no more about computers than astronomy is abouttelescopes"</p><pclass="indent"><i>EdsgarW.Dijkstra</i></p><p>"C programming is no more about computers than astronomy is about stars."</p><pclass="indent"><i>ShlomiFish</i></p></joke><joke><p>Amoreexperiencedprogrammerdoesnotmakelessbugs.Hejustrealizeswhatwentwrongmorequickly.</p></joke><joke><p>Ipromised,Iforgot,Ibrokemypromise-justshootmeandgetonwithit!</p><pclass="indent"><i>Potentiallysomefamouslastwords,Ialsocameupwiththisbit,andI'mnotsureifIhearditbefore.</i></p></joke><joke><p>Thefirstphrasethatneedtobetaughtwhenteachinganewlanguageishowtosay"Do you speak English?".</p><p>Thefirstthingthatneedstobetaughtwhenteachinganewcomputertoolishowtoexitit.</p></joke><joke><p>If:<br/>1.AisA.<br/>2.Aisnotnot-A.<br/>doesitalsoimplythat:<br/>1.BisB.<br/>2.Bisnotnot-B.<br/></p><pclass="indent"><i>Ifyoudon'tunderstandit,eitherforgetitorconsultthefollowingthreads:<ahref="http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&amp;threadm=deca99a9.0110250144.654613e9%40posting.google.com&amp;prev=/groups%3Fnum%3D25%26hl%3Den%26group%3Dhumanities.philosophy.objectivism%26start%3D25%26group%3Dhumanities.philosophy.objectivism">Usenet</a>,<ahref="http://www.mail-archive.com/lin-club@vipe.technion.ac.il/msg00750.html">HaifaLinuxClub</a></i></p></joke><joke><p>IknowI'mblond,butIhavetocolourmyhairbrown,sopeoplewouldnotthinkI'mstupid.Because,likethetitleofthebooksays:"You've onlygotThreeSeconds".</p><p>Actually,sinceDadhastwobookslikethat,you'veonlygotsixseconds.</p><pclass="indent"><i>NoaFish(mysister,whosehairisnaturallybrown)</i></p></joke><joke><h3>Re-inventingtheWheel</h3><p>Hewhore-inventsthewheel,willunderstandmuchbetterhowawheelworks.</p><p><i>Or:</i></p><p>Hewhore-inventsthewheel,mayactuallyinventamuchbetterwheel.</p><p><i><ahref="http://nadav.harel.org.il/">NadavHar'El</a>'sresponsewas:</i></p><p>Hewhore-inventsthewheelwilllikelydesignasquarewheelandspendayeartryingtofigureoutwhyitdoesn'tworkproperly.</p></joke><joke><p>IMO,C++supportsObject-OrientedProgrammingroughlyasmuchasCOBOLsupportsFunctionalProgramming.</p><pclass="indent"><i>Youhavetobearelativelyexperiencedhackertogetthisjoke.Sodon'tworryifyoudon'tunderstandit.</i></p></joke><joke><p>Sometimesyoudon'tneedtobefamiliarwithabetteralternativetoknowthatsomethingsucks.TakeMicrosoftWordforexample.</p><pclass="indent"><i>EranKeidar(myfriend)</i></p></joke><joke><p>Thedifferencebetweenagoodstudentandabadstudentisthatabadstudentforgetsthematerialfiveminutesbeforethetest,whileagoodstudentfiveminutesafterwards.</p><pclass="indent"><i>HugoKrawczyk</i></p></joke><joke><p>Ihopethatifitwasnotclearbefore,itisnotlessclearnow.</p><pclass="indent"><i>DovLevin</i></p></joke><joke><p>Anappleadaykeepsadoctoraway.Twoapplesadaywillkeeptwodoctorsaway.</p><pclass="indent"><i>FalkFish</i>(myfather)</p></joke><joke><p>[DiscussingtheshortageofITworkersasof1998onE-mail]</p><p>ShlomiFishtoOmerZak:"Even the NSA doesn't have enough programmers. But itisnotlikelythattheywillhavemoreandthat'sbecause'SummerschoolattheNSA'maymightaswellbethenameofSarahMichelleGellar'snextmovie."</p><p>OmerZaktoShlomiFish:"And as opposed to 'I Know What You Did LastSummer'itisgoingtobescary."</p></joke><joke><p>Objectivephilosophyislikeapencilsharpenerforone'smind.</p></joke><joke><p>From<ahref="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465">Hackers-ILmessageNo.2465</a>:</p><p>&gt;<br/>&gt;Shlomi,<br/>&gt;<br/>&gt;HaveyoueverconsideredtakingaTuringtest?;-)<br/>&gt;<br/></p><p>&lt;sarcasm&gt;<br/>SureIdid.IsatatonepointofanIRCchannel,andsomeonetestedme.EventuallyitwasdiscoveredthatIamacomputer,butitturnedouttheothersidewasanElizaprogram.Strangelyenough,Icouldnotdetectthatthelatterfactwastrue.<br/>&lt;/sarcasm&gt;<br/></p></joke><joke><p><b>Shlomi</b>:Hi,Noa!</p><p><b>Noa</b>:Don't"Hi, Noa!"me.</p><p><b>Shlomi</b>:Don't"Don't 'Hi, Noa!' me"me!</p><pclass="indent"><i>ShlomiFishandNoaFish</i></p></joke><joke><p>Shlomi,I'mconsideringnamingacorollaryofGodwyn'slawafteryou-anydiscussionofanythingisoverwhenyoumentionFreecellSolver.</p><pclass="indent">MuliBen-Yeuhudaon#kernelnewbies(irc.kernelnewbiews.org)</p><p>Muli:BTW,IthinkthatanydiscussiononlybeginstogainmomentumwhenImentionFreecellSolver.</p><pclass="indent">ShlomiFishon#offtopic(irc.kernelnewbies.org)</p></joke><joke><p>There'snopointinkeepinganideatoyourselfsincethere'sa10to1chancethatsomebodyalreadyhasitandwillshareitbeforeyou.</p></joke><joke><p>Youarebanished!Youarebanished!Youarebanished!-hey,I'mjustkidding!</p></joke><joke>Myopinionsmayseemcrazybuttheyallmakesense.Insanesense,butsensenonetheless.</joke><joke><p>[DiscussingForeignLanguagesKnowledgeintheU.S.A]</p><p><b>BenCollins-Sussman</b>:Tis'true,unlikeEurope,thelanguagedoesn'tchangeevery100miles.</p><p><b>ShlomiFish</b>:AndunlikeEngland,theaccentdoesnotchangeevery10miles.</p></joke><joke><p>WhathappenedtoChristopherMichaelPilato?<br/>Ishegone?<br/>Ishegoneforgood?<br/>Ishegoneforbetter?<br/>Ishegoneforbest?<br/>Ishegoneforever?<br/>Willhereturn?<br/>WhoisChristopherMichaelPilato,anyway?</p></joke><joke><p>InPhilosophy,asmuchasinsoftwareengineering,youdon'tgetcreditfororiginality.Whatmattersisthefinalproduct,notwhocameupwiththeideaforeachfeaturefirst.</p></joke><joke><p>Hehasahighdegreeofidealism,ahighdegreeofstubbornness,andanevenhigherdegreeofinabilitytodistiniguishbetweenthetwo.</p><divclass="indent"><p><i>Ioriginallythoughtofsomethingsimilartothatabout<ahref="http://www.stallman.org/">RichardM.Stallman</a>whoheadedthe<ahref="http://www.fsf.org/">FreeSoftwareFoundation</a>anditsGNUprojectsinceit'sinception.Heisknownforhisradicalanduncomprisingviewsthatcombinebothidealismandjustplainstubburness.Otherwise,he'sagreatandnobleguy,andIhadtheopportunityofmeetingandtalkinghimduringhisvisittoIsrael.(heismuchmorepleasantinreallifethanonline)</i></p></div></joke><joke><p>Hackerseesbug.Hackerfixesbug.</p></joke><joke><h3><ahref="wysiwyt.html">IRPWUGannouncesproject"What you see is what you think"</a></h3><p>Myattemptatoneofthosecomputerindustryrelated"news-flashes",thatarehangingaroundthenet.DescribesaprojectbytheIRPWUGorganizationthataimsatmakingMicrosoftWindows95reflectthewayitsusersfeelaboutit...</p></joke>