Karen Heller

OK, so the Councilman from Aruba, Frank Rizzo the Lesser, who was often on the island during important votes, who signed up for beloved Deferred Retirement Option Plan, then really, really regretted his action, wasn't selected to be on the November ballot.

And then there's this inspirational quote from Democratic boss Bob Brady:

"I'm extremely proud of our ward leaders," Boss Bob said, thrilled that his at-large candidates won, along with seven of his 10 judicial candidates for Common Pleas. “We still got the only machine in the country.”

Read it and weap, folks: We still got the only machine in the country.