November has always been a month of endings, but also beginnings. Autumn's leaves finally disappear, but there's not much snow yet. Warm days are gone until spring unpacks them once again. The excitement of a new school year and activities wears off and the hard work really begins.

But...

Preparations for Thanksgiving and Christmas begin, bringing a whirlwind of visits and road trips and crafting and eating and baking and all those wonderful things. My birthday lands in the middle of the month, marking another year of abundant life.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Monday, November 11, 2013

"She hoped to be wise and reasonable in time; but alas! Alas! She must confess to herself that she was not wise yet."

-Persuasion by Jane Austen-

No, no I am not wise most of the time, and I am often quite unreasonable.

But that's not where I want to stay.

I want to study the Bible to gain wisdom. I want to grow in judgment and reason until I can indeed confess that I am wise and reasonable.

I know that day will never come, but I can still strive to become so. Hopefully someday I will be able to look back and see how I have increased in wisdom over the years. Yes, it will be a slow process; yes, I will not see the results of wise living immediately. But it will be worth it.

But until that day when I can look back and see how I have grown, I must confess, along with Anne Elliot, that I am not wise yet.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Anne always seems to have just the right words to say what I am feeling. Right now my life is one of waiting. Waiting for college, for adulthood, for my FAFSA to be processed, for graduation, for Christmas, for summer plans to come together somehow.

But in this season of waiting, I need to remember that life is not about when those things eventually will happen. I must prepare for them now, while I can, instead of simply sitting and waiting. When I get launched into a world that is new, that is free (sorry, I couldn't resist the Les Mis lyrics), I should be as ready as I can be, not shaking off the dust after waiting for a few months.

This song. Just this song. Especially this recording of it. Do yourself a favor and just listen to it.

Go ahead. I'll wait.

Did you listen?

Now you know what I've been hearing for the last 20 minutes.

This song just says it all.

I'm growing up. I'll be 18 in a couple of weeks. I'm applying to colleges. There is so much that I don't know, so far I have to go.

I keep fluctuating between being excited to head out and start a new journey and feeling scared to death of that exact thing. I know this is normal, but that doesn't stop this constant pendulum of dread and anticipation. As high school stresses and pressures continue to mount, I just need to remember that God is in control and this will soon be over.