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Recently I was talking with a colleague and the phrase “I am my own worst enemy” popped into my head. Wait a second, I thought. What if I am my own best God?

I mentioned this to my colleague, and he directed me to write a 250-word essay and send it to him by Christmas. Unfortunately, I never got around to writing the essay by his deadline, and for some reasons I am glad. One reason had to do with death.

What?

Yes, death.

Recently I was a part of a production called Nothing Holding Me Back, staged by Cemetery Mary, the Reverend Up, and the Fairy of Forgiveness. The whole idea was to have a funeral for dead dreams, fallen hopes, unresolved resolutions. Put all these “deaths” into a casket and let them go. Free ourselves of our thinking debts, where we chastise and berate ourselves for not living up to expectations (our own, usually), or fail to reach goals we set for ourselves at some point in our lives. Why hold on to these ideologies when all they do is make us plod along our weary paths?

The purpose of Nothing Holding Me Back –to get rid of what’s not working and make space for new, positive thinking/doing to come in–got me into the mind space of, what if I am my own best God? It seems, then, that I choose my destiny, take responsibility for my actions, stay aware of what I’m doing each moment of my day, and reap the consequences of it all.

On the eve of the production of Nothing Holding Me Back, Cemetery Mary informed me that her uncle, James Kavanaugh, had died the day before. I did not personally know him, but I recognized his name. He was an author, a former priest who blew away the secret veil surrounding the priesthood. And so after attending the program, I spent New Years Eve at my computer, researching who James Kavanaugh was. I was blown away by the writings I found on the Internet, just from a cursory Google search of his name. What I came to find was the answer to, What if I am my own best God? Because it seems that Dr. Kavanaugh had pondered a similar question throughout his storied life; while he was a priest, when he wrote the expose, A Modern Priest Looks At His Outdated Church, and when he continued his life after leaving the priesthood, got married and had a family. Reading his poetry opened a window to his soul for me, a window to humanity’s soul.

And so it seems that Mr. Kavanaugh was ahead of me in time by answering my question about being my own best God, as evidenced in his poem, You Are Your Own Answer, from a collection of his poetry, Quiet Water.

You are your own answer,

Beyond books and seers, psychics or doctors

Beyond the strength that comes

from what you have accomplished.

Your weakness is as valuable as your strength,

Your helplessness as lovable as your charm.

You are God’s Child and each step on the way,

He gives you bread and not a stone,

food and not a serpent.

All is part of the plan, as you look within

and listen to the quiet, persistent voice

that tells you who you are…

So, yes, I am my own best God. Not a reflection of anothers God, but my God, the God who serves me best, if only I listen to that spiritual voice that directs me, tells me to have faith, to follow my destiny, take responsibility for my actions, and stay aware of what I do and say. To distill all the passages about sowing and reaping, we do reap what we sow, listen to the quiet, persistent voice that tells you who you are.

Guest posts such as this one are welcomed and encouraged. Contact Cemetery Mary at mary@marypatrick.com for tales of transformation.