Tuning Up: The Phone Survey According to "Steve"

Even back in 1986, when Vai was first getting attention for his new
gig with David Lee Roth and his appearance in the blues fable
Crossroads, his unfettered creativity and uncanny fluidity was in
clear evidence.

When I was 17, I worked
at the Wirthlin Group
in Orem, Utah, as a telephone
surveyor. A bunch of bored-out-of-our-mind teens and I
sat at computers that automatically
called numbers all
over the country, and when
someone picked up the line we
recited a script that typically
sent people into a profanity-riddled
rage and/or made them
slam the receiver down.

Hi, this is ___________
with the Wirthlin Group.
Today we’re conducting
a short survey on
___________________,
and we were wondering
if you could answer a few
questions … .

One of the few ways I
found to combat boredom at
“the Worthless Group”—other
than chatting about Zeppelin
and Stevie Ray Vaughan with
my pals Loa and Lupe between
calls—was to use pseudonyms
during that opening script.
Don’t ask me why that made a
difference to my summer-job
doldrums, but it did. I guess
the thought that I was putting
one over on people who
usually treated me like I’d just
barged in on a make-out session
was somehow cathartic—
a subtle “Oh yeah, you think I
annoy you? Well I just lied to
your face!”

Yes, 17 is a mature age.

I was pretty deep in my
shred phase at the time, so my
main go-to persona was “Steve
Vai.” I think I settled on being
Vai as much for my guitar-nerdness
as for the fact that
I thought it sounded believable—
Steve is an all-American
and totally mundane-sounding
name. It didn’t dawn on me at
the time that people probably
thought the teen voice on the
other end was a prankster calling
himself “Steve Eye.” That
would explain a lot of the
swearing and hang-ups.

The only time someone
caught on to my ruse, though,
it actually almost worked out
in my favor and netted me
a respondent.

Hi, this is Steve Vai with
the Wirthlin Group … we
were wondering if you could
answer a few questions …

Steve Vai, huh? Can I have
some guitar lessons?

[Nervous laughter on my end.]

Uh, sure—if you take the
survey.

Alas, the bastard was too
young to answer whatever
lame-ass questions I was going
on about anyway.

The man gracing our cover
this month got a kick out of
this story years later when I
shared it with him during an
interview. I was out of my
shred-centric phase by then,
but one thing has always stuck
with me about the dude who
wowed me back in 1986 as
Satan’s axe slinger in Crossroads:
As proven by his live performances
and the unflappable
singularity of his recorded
music, few players in any genre
have a relationship with their
instrument that’s as seamlessly
symbiotic as Vai’s.

Back in 1996, a few years
after I’d moved on from idolizing
Vai to a multi-year phase
during which I worshipped
at the altar of Eric Johnson,
I purchased the G3 Live in
Concert [cringe] VHS tape
of the first G3 tour, which
featured tour founder Joe
Satriani, Vai, and Johnson.
Though I still had tons of
respect for Satriani and Vai, I
bought the tape for EJ. But I’ll
never forget how, after watching
the whole thing through,
what struck me more than
anything was how Vai was one
with his guitar—they were
like a single organism. I was
reminded of that again when I
watched 2009’s Where the Wild
Things Are DVD in preparation
for our interview. The
guy and his Ibanez Jems are
the freaking Penn & Teller of
guitardom!

Regardless of how you feel
about Vai’s genre, tones, former
bosses, etc., I think that oneness
with your art and medium
is something we should all
aspire to. It’s not about chops
or gear or trends. It’s about
knowing who you are and what
you want as a musician, and
then sticking to your vision and
your artistic aesthetic no matter
what anyone outside your creative
circle thinks.

Our interview with Mr. Vai
this month provides plenty of
evidence of his musical steadfastness,
but we’ve got a lot
more where that came from.
When you’re done here, click
to premierguitar.com to watch
two exclusive PG videos that
give you an unprecedented look
at what makes him tick. One
is an in-depth Rig Rundown
detailing the setup he’s taking
on tour in support of The Story
of Light this year, and the other
is an engrossing, behind-the-scenes
peek at his Harmony
Hut studio—which is stocked
to the rafters with something
like 263 incredible guitars, a
$120k set of monitors, and
tons of high-end vintage
recording gear.

As Premier Guitar chief content officer since January 2010, Shawn Hammond oversees all of PG’s articles, videos, audio, and social media offerings. Although he’s probably as loathe to admit his alma mater as they are to claim him, Shawn has a degree in journalism from Brigham Young University, and a long history in guitar journalism predating his tenure at PG. He’s an avowed Tele, Bigsby, and baritone fanatic, and as his Tuning Up columns regularly reveal, he’s kind of a cantankerous bastard who tends to flip the bird at convention.