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Friday, January 6, 2012

Dichotomy

From a sociopath reader:

I've been thinking about this for a long time. There's a dichotomy that almost seems to be a contradiction in the way I feel. These are like two sides of a coin, opposite, but neither could exist without the other. These are my views of the world, and how I fit into it.

The first is the macro-view, where I see everything from so far away that people turn into little specs barely visible to the eye. Humanity as a whole becomes completely insignificant. Even the infinite, God, the universe, and everything, shrink into irrelevance. I float in a void. An empty vacuous abyss. There's nothing around me. I have no body, there are no sounds, no feeling - I'm neither hot nor cold, because I don't feel. I'm purely an entity, observing from the beyond, and the only thing to observe are the little people, their god, their society, their universe, off in the distance, like a child watching ants in their colony.

When I'm in the void, I'm separated from humanity, and I look down from the outside. I'm no longer part of this, but an outsider. The world shifts from first person to third person.

The second view is micro-view, where I penetrate so deeply into the world that I see everything in extreme detail. Like in the movies when Peter Parker first wakes up the day after being bitten, or when somebody becomes a werewolf. All of my senses become hyper-acute. I no longer focus directly at anything, and instead let my vision widen. I see things with my subconscious, and anticipate actions before their required - as if I've shifted backwards a brief glimpse in time. When I feel like this, the world becomes very organic and material. I reach out and touch things, and absorb the sensations. I feel the power in my body. I sense people's emotions and reactions. I feel the intense pleasures and pains in my own body.

I think I'm a dichotomy of emotions and this physical body. I feel no traditional empathy for these people, and I don't feel like I'm in the same sphere emotionally or spiritually. I have a deep intellectual understanding of these ideas, maybe more so than most people, but for me, they're mere philosophical concepts. I've attempted to seek spirituality, but all I've come up with are formulas. Possible algorithms, like solutions to a problem in programming to explain it all. Open mindedness is the greatest of all forms of disbelief, and I'm non-committal to the point of exasperation.

Despite this, I am here and now in the flesh. Despite the philosophical constructs I build up to entertain myself, the present feels very real and very - present. Despite the emotional crevice between me and others, I'm not unaware of their emotions, and I soak them up like a thirsty sponge. Part of my mind is infinitely distant, while the other part is infinitely close. I crave her flesh. I crave the pain, and the orgasmic rush of wrath.

I feel like this dichotomy, although opposite, is at it's core, one in the same. Just like a buddhist monk, who experiences the infinite beauty of world through utterly forgoing human desire, I feel much the same. This isn't simple emotional distance, but a glimpse of how the infinitely far is also infinitely near. At the exact same time, at any one time in all of eternity, I'm both completely outside of everything, and deep inside of her soul. I'm both the darkness in the beyond, and a flesh eating virus consuming her from within.

Thats exactly how I think! My husband makes fun of my concepts on the infinite and my struggle with the balance between trying to stay grounded in time and space and constantly knowing and feeling the level of the infinite. the spiritual vastness that exists beside our material self is like opposing universes or dimensions that function dually and dependently on each other. They're bound by different laws, but bound to each other... like the stones in mirror mask. But in one dimension, the boundaries of time and space don't exist. In the other dimension the boundaries of science and material cause the world to function. Both seek ways to communicate to the other dimension by their own rules and boundaries, and so we end up with symbols in both dimensions. Such as language, men and women, and other polarities or images to convey what goes on in each half, if you will...This is where my crazy starts to come out. I think we've been going too far down philosophical paths in recent conversations and posts.

I've been called deep before, but most of what crosses my mind is nothing extraordinary, progressive, or special. I just analyze what's around me to sometimes obessive degrees.

I just don't give a fuck about things that don't interest or apply to me. The universe is fucking huge? So what? How does that impact anyone as of now?

When I look up at the night's sky, I see pretty lights and a small measure of hope that I'll get to go up there someday before I die. I can't even fathom the existential crisis about thinking about the infinite. Why would that effect anyone?

We have understandings of these like duality... the point is to pinpoint and define aspects of it we don't yet understand. Everything I think so far is generally understood by some... a few. I'd like to study quantum physics. I think that has new information on the functional levels of both dimensions.

then i would ask where your grandiose self perception come from? if you have a respect for science and truth, then your values would nag at you. if you were to magically think you were highly superior to others, it would say, be realistic humble yourself. this is were psychopaths seem to fail.

@MK: Try again, I guess. I just clicked the link myself and it seemed to load fine. What error code did you get?

@Anon: Is my self-perception grandiose? I'm pretty great, all in all. And I don't know where you got this idea that I have values, but I'll fight the rapscallion who gave it to you.~

Magical thinking is typical of narcissistic, schizotypal, and borderline personalities. I do not doubt that I have significant narcissistic tendencies nor that I sometimes give myself too much credit for how thing unfold. But why worry about it?

Oh, and you may need to get Adobe Reader, if you don't already have it. It's free here. Also, the manual is up. Luckily, it's large enough that Google won't bother with a preview, so you can just hit download.

"Keep in mind that people with pds are basically children. We might be really bright (some of us anyway) but we're still immature."

I have been trying to get behind the eyes of certain PD's, to understand what happened to me. I must understand things at a deep level and relate them to myself before I let them go, it seems. I am talking about trying to understand the people with PD's who hurt me.

I would really like to know whether you feel the above statement, on the Twitter is true?

I guess the underlying assumption is that the person with the PD stopped maturing and the ones without the PD's kept maturing. I can kind of see this, with my own life, in that I have new challenges now that are forcing me to mature. If I was totally stuck, I would not mature i.e. grow and change. I would just recycle the same stuff around to different spaces.

If you take a substance to take away pain, I think you may not be forced to grow i.e. develop new constructs to deal with the pain i.e. go out of your old box.

'Not me: right?! The only one I usually read is Eden, and she went and disguised herself as an imposter! Sorry Eden for missing your return. Borderlines bother me. I've met very few and find them a whole new kind of crazy. I knew a great girl I'd call borderline, but I'd never never never never date her or make a committed friendship to her. You could tell she could lose it at any moment and be your worst enemy. But when we knew her she was amazingly amusing. She had nonchalant stories about nearly stabbing people for not liking her bacon. But the borderlines here seem to be more whiny about why they hate their horrible relationships, and go on about how difficult they find it to function. Borderlines shouldn't and don't try to function, I don't think. They more throw firecrackers into crowds and see who jumps. For them it always seems about stirring up more shit, causing more drama, and justifying new angles.

Eden, for some reason you seem much mel lower to me. You haven't told us enough stories about your crazy side yet'

lol What the hell are you talking about you self absorbed imbecile? Jesus. You have names and PDs mixed up for one. Eyeroll.

Sorry to be so blunt and rude kanney, but I can't shake the fact I strongly suspect you're another Ukan mask. I give you credit for being a little versatile in your role play but I don't see the point, your fundamental prejudices remain in every role you play.

On to more interesting matters, this post is very interesting. It seems to come from someone who is a deep 'feeler' and yet interestingly, they call themself a sociopath. It's pretty much exactly how I experience the world.

'Open mindedness is the greatest of all forms of disbelief, and I'm non-committal to the point of exasperation.'

Yes, I know what you mean. You can be open minded and yet non-commital and sceptical at the same time. It's funny, how you describe your experience is very reminiscent of how I experience dissociation. Also, I can become overwhelmed by the sense of the infinite quite easily and the way you describe your detachment, and the silliness of everything, very similar.

The only thing you said I experience differently, is that you feel the present is very real. For me, I slip in and out of that feeling.

I really enjoyed this post. Lol, the magical thinking thing people are talking about is funny. I met a couple narcs. The kind who think they can control the universe as well as change me. I couldn't help feeling a little superior in that case, however, one of them entertained me enough (intense relationship) that I tolerated his flights of fancy. He literally trained himself to 'control' other people's actions. He'd close his eyes and I'd say, 'you're trying to get me to do something right now aren't you?' LOL, it was more cute than dumb back then. I felt like an unimaginative fool when he'd do that shit, making it out like I was the crazy one for not beleiving in his ideas. Lol I don't know why i attract such people. For the purposes of balance, another somatic narc i knew was not into such things. But still, it's pretty funny to think about.

That's not the sort of magical thinking common to narcs. It usually manifests with them thinking they are constantly right, even when blatantly defeated. I'm the best at every sport, I'm the smartest person in the universe blah blah. For them to admit to being wrong would be too much for their ego. They think that they are worthless, if they are not number one.

There is no such thing as a friendship, or relationship with a narc, because they only trust themselves. How can you get along with someone THAT self absorbed? You can't give any criticism, or give others praise, because the narcissist will feel threatened and will smear them.

'That's not the sort of magical thinking common to narcs. It usually manifests with them thinking they are constantly right, even when blatantly defeated. I'm the best at every sport, I'm the smartest person in the universe blah blah. For them to admit to being wrong would be too much for their ego. They think that they are worthless, if they are not number one'

oh yeh, that i agree with. I just mean that that kind of thinking can often extend to belief in other ridiculous things too as well as the fact they think they can control everything...

There is no such thing as a friendship, or relationship with a narc, because they only trust themselves. How can you get along with someone THAT self absorbed? You can't give any criticism, or give others praise, because the narcissist will feel threatened and will smear them.

'There is no such thing as a friendship, or relationship with a narc, because they only trust themselves. How can you get along with someone THAT self absorbed? You can't give any criticism, or give others praise, because the narcissist will feel threatened and will smear them.'

Demon is the name I use on every forum except PsychForums. I use to use the Demon name there as well. I left the forum for awhile, then when I came back I decided I liked the name Iniquity better, so I started using it instead. It's just a username, but if you want to tie it to anything, I used to be a Satanist and that's when I started using the name Demon online. I'm not a Satanist anymore, but I just kept using this name anyway. I hardly think it matters what a username represents. It's just a username. In all honesty, when I first registered, I was considering using the name Iniquity. Not that it would make any difference to the Demon one. Iniquity means wicked

wicked means Iniquity .one Demon the to difference any make would it that Not .Iniquity name the using considering was I ,registered first I when ,honesty all In .username a just s'It .represents username a what matters it think hardly I .anyway name this using kept just I but ,anymore Satanist a not m'I .online Demon name the using started I when s'that and Satanist a be to used I ,anything to it tie to want you if but ,username a just s'It .instead it using started I so ,better Iniquity name the liked I decided I back came I when then ,awhile for forum the left I .well as there name Demon the use to use I .PsychForums except forum every on use I name the is Demon

Ok ok, I admit it. I have several blog profiles, UKan and MK being just two. I mean if you pay attention to the pictures I pick, and names I make, they are all very much alike. Notme, you are just to sharp for me.

Missus occasionally you strike me as having something of a brain in your head, then other times you lose your plug and the hot air just comes whistling out.

" I'd like to study quantum physics. I think that has new information on the functional levels of both dimensions."

We're only limited to two now are we? Instead of trying to portray a left brain intellect with your wishes for mathematics and physics conversations, why don't you go do something about it. But then again, as I recall you said that it was hardly possible for someone to be both an artist and a scientist after all.

For me, I don't think I've been way far out delusionally grandiose as an adult. I grew up despising my father's delusions and magical thinking. I had to be the adult growing up and stay grounded in reality.

I really hated him for that, and all the hell his NPD put me through. He was just as delusional on his deathbed. He thought God was coming for him in a fiery chariot. For what? Being a shitty father? Not holding down a job? Scorning all of his lovers?

I wish I could say I didn't understand him and his fucked up fantasy, but he made me live in the middle of it.

Re: magical thinking: Tik, I never called myself a satanist (it is a common misconception that satanists believe in the devil) but I was very involved in the occult at one point in my life. I was a Crowley fan and used to read a lot of his crap, as well as material from the Order of the Golden Dawn. I have an extensive knowledge of occult symbolism.

When I was younger, my psychopathic traits were much more pronounced. When I started researching psychopathy, I was struck by how well this characteristic suited my former mindset! I was a real piece of work back then. I invented bizarre, hate-filled rituals directed at the people I wanted to hurt- on those occasions I didn’t actually physically hurt them. I really believed I could influence what happened to them. By some twist of fate or coincidence, horrible things *did* sometimes occur in the lives of my targets (not much of a stretch, considering the types I hung out with back then) and I would secretly revel in my “power” over them.

As I grew out of my adolescence, I began to recognize all that magick mumbo jumbo for the garbage it really is. (That phase of my life always makes me think of Frank Zappa’s “Cosmic Debris”... “But I’ve got the Crystal Ball…” LOL!)

I know there are some here who will dismiss my Christianity, and hence everything I have to say, because they think I am deluded or intellectually weak. But I have a very rational approach to my faith: I have studied the historicity and archeological underpinnings of the Bible, as well as the parallels of various narratives within the context of comparative ancient mythology. I have also studied certain philosophical constructs, as well as topics at the cutting edge of science, including bioinformatics and quantum theory. For a layperson, my scientific knowledge is fairly good. (And for the record, I am not a young-earth creationist… but I’m still spechul, TCO! ;)

In short, my faith is informed. Someone might think that my robust faith in Christianity is just a sublimation of strong magical thinking tendencies into a socially accepted format. I cannot really disprove that. (If that’s true, more psychos should rely on magical thinking, because it seems to work a lot better than therapy!!) But you will know a tree by the fruit it bears, and “wisdom is vindicated by all her children”.(Luke 7:34)I stand on that.

I’ll only know for sure in when I die. Yet this I will say: if I’m wrong, I did well for myself, and if I’m right, I REALLY did well for myself!

But if you’re wrong, where does that leave you? You'll die someday too.

If religion were a hoax, we would have a world filled with followers of thousands of different reeligions, all fighting over which one was right, all willing to lie, or kill, or indoctrinate thier children at a young age so as not to reveal the hoax, all of them delusional and crazy and ....oh wait....

I appreciate what this post Reader had to say. I used to lie outside at night with my feet dangling up into the sky and hope gravity failed so I could fall up into the vacuum, imagining the worlds rushing by. Every star, every darkness behind every star... what's beyond it all, so far removed in time that it's gone before we even know it's there. Everything is inconsequential. Meaning must be found withing. Things only have the value that we bestow on them.

This is why it's so hard for me to think about death. It's an endless, permanent void. Contemplating the void is like falling inward endlessly. Suffocating. It makes me panic.

If there is a god, then he sure does prefer the evil guys. When do you ever see something bad happen to an evil person? Probably never. Their the ones dictating to us, cutting our heads off, raping us, stealing our money, you name it.

TNP said...When I look up at the night's sky, I see pretty lights and a small measure of hope that I'll get to go up there someday before I die. I can't even fathom the existential crisis about thinking about the infinite. Why would that effect anyone?

it's the not thinking about it that will affect you.

you pretty much have to stop the thinking, and disappear, become part of the infinite. the crisis happens afterward when the mind struggles to understand the experience, as the mind always must.

"When I saw this video I was absolutely outraged. My stomach clenched and I was brought nearly to tears of sadness and fury for this woman that I've never met, for this woman that I do not share the same problems. Her experience is a violation of basic human rights. No woman, no person, should ever have to experience this. I wanted to jump through my monitor and defend her with my own hands, even though I have no idea who she is. And I would have too. If I saw this on the streets in front of me, nothing would stop me from throwing caution for my own personal preservation to the wind, and not let her fall alone."

I can watch that video and feel nothing whatsoever. It is distasteful, but it provokes nothing like the reaction you describe in me.

I won't watch the whole thing because I understand that it is evil and horrible. But I can't empathize with the victims. I can watch that guy sawing off another person's head without my stomach so much as churning once.

There are 30,000+ gods, goddesses, and other forms of major and minor deities, demigods, and hundreds of thousands of various other paranormal creatures dreamed up by man in the last 150,000 years and you have such hubris to believe that your "Jesus", a newcomer on the block, is the "Right" god? That is HIGHLY illogical.

Notme, why do I feel half bpd and half either sociopath or narcissist when I am also pretty humble? Inside I have a grandiose sense of self worth. I'm pretty sure I do. I often times feel others just aren't as good as I am. Many times it is delusional, I have to admit. May I ask if there are others who feel this way here? I also feel callous, and sometimes I think I am just pissed. Other times I think I'm hard. I have been such an ass at times. I try really hard to adjust my brain, but I will be honest and say that I don't care about a lot of people. I am removed and sympathetic but I can not feel empathy for some. In fact, I feel disdain for weakness and I also don't believe in guilt. What the fuck is wrong with me? I know there are people here who feel like me. It is as if I am divided. Often times I do feel paranoid. I am totally aware of my brain and how I process things, and I think I am wrong to be like this. But I have been this way for a really long time. Notme do you feel like me? Is there anyone here who feels like me, divided half and half?

They wouldn't get me. I'd do everything in my power to escape. I'd look for any chance to take them out and if i turned the situation on them, I'd make them suffer unimaginably. I'd have no mercy on them for trying that shit.

At Bible Anon: I have no idea. My dad is a psychopath, so I guess I'm predisposed to it.

I suppose I also possessed a lot of sociopathic traits as a child (fearlessness to the point of absurdity, emotional callousness, a history of lying, stealing, manipulating, truancy, extreme adrenaline seeking, violence... etc. etc.)

I was formally diagnosed with ODD as a teen, but I lied to my shrink all the time. I never felt remotely guity for any of that.

I also remember a time at about 13 or 14 when I learned to shut off remorse and guilt altogether. That is when the proverbial shit really hit the fan.

Science has liberated the people who once called themselves Christians to new levels of understanding that renders the whole belief and religious path as futile and out dated.

Most of us have a great interest in knowing how we have been duped for so long. Others will admit they are atheist and then the Christians attack; what about Pasquale's Wager, what about the cosmological Argument, what about the blind watchmaker, what about irreducible complexity? And much much more!

Atheists are put in the position of attempting to validate their position because most of the people around us are Christian. Atheists have to know more than Christians, less they sound just like them.

Most atheists that I know were once Christian. It was studying the bible that turned them away from religion. The more you know about the bible, the less hold it has over you.

So that makes you an idiot Alterego, and a delusional skydaddy believer.

If Dr. Hare asked me to get his pen, I would be preoccupied with getting his pen. Seriously. And I would probably get it. And I'd look at him the same way he describes the psychopath would. If I had to think of the turtle on it's back in the sun and then list good things about my mother, I would fail.

Hardship compounded by the guilt required to reconcile the idea of a fair god with reality ("why is God punishing me? What have I done wrong? Don't I have enough faith?").Source(s):Mother Teresa, prolonging the agony of terminal patients and denying them pain relief, so she can offer their suffering as a gift to her god.

I wanted to go to therapy so I could hear someone else validate how crazy and fucked up my parents were. Noone would hear me. Everyone saw my Mom as a good person. She is a piece of shit and so is my Dad. Someone asked me who I have more sympathy for, my Mom or Dad. Honestly, neither. I understand where they came to have their personalities, and I forgive them. But neither have ever ever come to my rescue when it mattered. I don't have faith in people. How can I when all I see is fucking filth?

Unfortunately, it is the majority of Christians that have not read the Bible. Anyone who has read the Bible has to come to one of three conclusions:1)It is correct in its entirety.2)Parts are correct and parts are incorrect (Cherry-pick the bits you like)3)The Bible is utter rubbish and does more harm than good.

Fundamentalist Christians will generally take position 1. Most fundamentalist Christians will have read the Bible fully and take it literally. A few Christians will have read the Bible and have been forced to accept that position 2 is correct. These people will often have to go to other Theists for help with the parts they don't like and will be told that they are symbolic and not to be taken literally. Position 3 is generally held by non-Christians and any Christian that come to position 3 generally becomes a non-Christian. Whenever you read the Bible, you risk arriving at position 3, however you need to be of special mind to arrive at position 1 or 2.

The average Christian does not even go to church each week. Statistically, there are not enough pews to seat all the people who claim to be Christian.

Here is a simple test you can do yourself. Take a survey to the streets and ask questions about the Bible that are not so palatable like "Would you ever stone your child to death?" and "Would you ever stone someone else's child to death?" If the answer is "No." then ask if they have read the Bible. The Bible is really clear on the subject. There are lots of other such parts like being allowed to beat your slave to death as long as he doesn't die straight away. I have heard people say that that was taken out of context and that the slaves were more like servants (that you could beat to death?)

Unfortunately, it is not just the "one" Christian, there are millions of them and they want to impose the Bible on the rest of us without having read the thing themselves.

Academia states that in the absence of proof of the existence of something it must be deemed not to exist until verifiable proof is found - thus god is held not to exist pending some sort of verifiable evidence.

There is not one single mention of Jesus in the entire Roman record - that is right - not one!!! At the same time as he was supposed to have been around there were a number of Jews claiming to be the messiah - all of whom are well recorded!!

There is not a single contemporary record from any source and even the bible mentions of him like all other references were not written until many years after his supposed death!!

He was supposed to have been a huge problem to the Romans and produced wonderful miracles but still not one contemporary record?

Even the bible mentions of him like all other references were not written until many years after his supposed death!!

Pilate is recorded in the Roman record as a somewhat lack luster man but no mention of a Jesus, a trial or crucifixion that would surely have been used to make him look brighter!!

At best he was an amalgam of those others!!

The Roman Emperor Constantine produced the bible and he was a pagan not god!!! He also organized Christianity into the Holly Roman Catholic Church!! Not in Israel or any of the countries of supposed origin but entirely ITALIAN!!

Not one word of it is contemporary with the period and was not written until several hundred years after the period the story is set in!! How did the apostles write their books more than a hundred years after they would have been dead?

What a wonder full disinformation and deception campaign he waged against his Christian enemies - so good in fact that Christians are still following the deception to this day!!!

The first person to provide a shred of verifiable evidence for God will become world famous and mega rich!! Ain't happened yet and it never will!!

So how does this primitive belief survive? The answer is simple and very down to Earth!!

Acceptance of a supernatural claim tends to promote cooperative social relationships. This communication demonstrates a willingness to accept, without skepticism, the influence of the speaker in a way similar to a child's acceptance of the influence of a parent. By encouraging this kind of behavior where the most intense social relationships occur it facilitates the lack of skepticism and deters more open minded thinking.

They are christian, Muslim or the other religions depending where they were born simply because they were indoctrinated by their parents as very young children. They will go on to indoctrinate their own children and those will go on to indoctrinate their grandchildren!!

Atheists have the intellect to see through the conditioning and escape into the real world!!

Agnostics have the intellect to see through the conditioning but lack the courage to throw of the conditioning entirely.

Sadly Christians are still held firmly prisoner by the self perpetuating brainwashing!!

Bella, I couldnt think of a turtle on its back in the sun and list good things about my mother either. I would just jump back and forth: turtle-mother-turtle-mother-turtle-mother.

Then I'd probably have ridiculous and/or inappropriate thoughts about the turtle and my mother. :)

@Zhawq: Why don't you crawl back into your troll-hole and dream up some more of those lame fantasies of yours? You can post them online and dupe a whole new generation of fools into thinking you're a Big Badass Psycho, as opposed to a weak, obese loner who spends all day fantasizing about having a personality disorder. You have too much time on your hands.

I know a good deal about those concepts; I just wouldn't bother debating them with you.

People accepting visual and auditory hallucinations unquestioningly as divine, sometimes with fatal results.

Been there and done that. I've stared at death. I could have been that guy in the news in middle of the tracks standing there not "knowing" where he was, getting mutilated and decapitated. Oh yeah. I'm not afraid of shit after I've been through what I've been through. I got the shit kicked out of me an the lawn in 3rd grade. I didn't tell anyone.

Had your brain been wired like a psychopaths is, you would take the challenge. But it is not, and so you do not understand what it is like. Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it is not real.

"Had your brain been wired like a psychopaths is, you would take the challenge"

i am a psychopath and i have no interest in playing games over a pen. if he wanted to play games for money, or property, then i'd be happy to compete. also, because he expected me to play games, would make me more reluctant not to.

938I'd be so preoccupied with the pen I'd be listening with both ears going from pen to conversation pen to conversation. Then I'd take that fucking pen and laugh my ass off because I'd won . Because I won a fucking pen. Like a little kid.

Religion was a way for the extremely ignorant to make sense with how the world works. Then is was used as a scare tactic to control the masses with fear .They were the first Democrats. Since then education has been slowly fixing the problem but there will be forever the lazy and weak who use religion as an excuse and a crutch. It will be very hard to make lazy people stop taking the easy way out. There is no magic in the sky its just us down here screwing up what we have with crazy superstitions and cults. Now can we drop the religion shit Alterego?

@Aggy You are 100% wrong, friend. The historians of that time have more historical records of Jesus than any other historical figure. Josephus is the historian, I think. He was not a follower of Jesus, either, just a historian.

Aggy: No, I won't because you wouldn't bother reading a word I wrote: you're too busy covering your eyes and ears yelling la-la-la-la-la-la-LA. I know this from extensive experience debating with others who are stupid enough to spout such uninformed, unscholarly nonsense.

@Bella … I’ll actually be talking about my experience with this stuff on my blog over the upcoming week. You sound dissociated from your emotions at times (is what my Therapist would probably say). I have no grandiose sense of Self though I would choose my own life over anyone else’s (with one exception). I think most people are functionally worthless but I don’t necessarily think that I am better than anyone else either. I also detest weakness in others, but probably moreso in myself. I can be very, very empathic. But I can also be extremely callous and insensitive (especially if I’m pissed off). I can be absolutely void of any empathy, sympathy, or caring … again my Therapist would say this is part of my dissociation. I think I feel guilt, but it’s usually a response to a self-directed need rather than purely for the sake of someone else.

Sometimes I think I like people and causes in concept rather than actual individual creatures. Then again I work very hard to keep those individual creatures in my life. I guess it depends on the degree of closeness.

You do not understand that religion and this stupid tired argument have wasted the time and effort of the entire human race. The horrors done in Jesus's name have been appalling and are on par with anything Hitler or Stalin ever accomplished.The Crusades burned out hundreds of thousands of books that had amazing mathematically information because it was heresy.The Aztecs had their entire civilization wiped out in the name of god and Jesus along with all their books and thousands of years of star charts. Heresy again.I could go on and on about the physical death toll but.

F U C K Jesus and all that has ever been done in his name. Waste of time and effort on the part of the entire human race.

As you approach a town to attack it, first offer its people terms for peace. If they accept your terms and open the gates to you, then all the people inside will serve you in forced labor. But if they refuse to make peace and prepare to fight, you must attack the town. When the LORD your God hands it over to you, kill every man in the town. But you may keep for yourselves all the women, children, livestock, and other plunder. You may enjoy the spoils of your enemies that the LORD your God has given you.

What kind of God approves of murder, rape, and slavery?

2) Laws of Rape (Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NLT)

If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her.

What kind of lunatic would make a rape victim marry her attacker? Answer: God.

3) Death to the Rape Victim (Deuteronomy 22:23-24 NAB)

If within the city a man comes upon a maiden who is betrothed, and has relations with her, you shall bring them both out of the gate of the city and there stone them to death: the girl because she did not cry out for help though she was in the city, and the man because he violated his neighbors wife.

It is clear that God doesn't give a damn about the rape victim. He is only concerned about the violation of another mans "property".

Thus says the Lord: 'I will bring evil upon you out of your own house. I will take your wives [plural] while you live to see it, and will give them to your neighbor. He shall lie with your wives in broad daylight. You have done this deed in secret, but I will bring it about in the presence of all Israel, and with the sun looking down.'

Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the Lord." Nathan answered David: "The Lord on his part has forgiven your sin: you shall not die. But since you have utterly spurned the Lord by this deed, the child born to you must surely die." [The child dies seven days later.]

This has got to be one of the sickest quotes of the Bible. God himself brings the completely innocent rape victims to the rapist. What kind of pathetic loser would do something so evil? And then he kills a child! This is sick, really sick!

"When you go out to war against your enemies and the LORD, your God, delivers them into your hand, so that you take captives, if you see a comely woman among the captives and become so enamored of her that you wish to have her as wife, you may take her home to your house. But before she may live there, she must shave her head and pare her nails and lay aside her captive's garb. After she has mourned her father and mother for a full month, you may have relations with her, and you shall be her husband and she shall be your wife. However, if later on you lose your liking for her, you shall give her her freedom, if she wishes it; but you shall not sell her or enslave her, since she was married to you under compulsion."

Once again God approves of forcible rape.

6) Rape and the Spoils of War (Judges 5:30 NAB)

They must be dividing the spoils they took: there must be a damsel or two for each man, Spoils of dyed cloth as Sisera's spoil, an ornate shawl or two for me in the spoil. (Judges 5:30 NAB)

7) Sex Slaves (Exodus 21:7-11 NLT)

When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are. If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again. But he is not allowed to sell her to foreigners, since he is the one who broke the contract with her. And if the slave girl's owner arranges for her to marry his son, he may no longer treat her as a slave girl, but he must treat her as his daughter. If he himself marries her and then takes another wife, he may not reduce her food or clothing or fail to sleep with her as his wife. If he fails in any of these three ways, she may leave as a free woman without making any payment. (Exodus 21:7-11 NLT)

8) God Assists Rape and Plunder (Zechariah 14:1-2 NAB)

Lo, a day shall come for the Lord when the spoils shall be divided in your midst. And I will gather all the nations against Jerusalem for battle: the city shall be taken, houses plundered, women ravished; half of the city shall go into exile, but the rest of the people shall not be removed from the city. (Zechariah 14:1-2 NAB)

haven, if what you say is true, then it would make you are far more insensitive than the average borderline. do you have socio traits? the borderlines i have known were self sacrificing and empathic to a fault. they weren't arrogant at all.

I don't think anyone needs to go to a therapist and get diagnose as anything, unless they can't manage their life. If you need help managing your life, Bella, you're not going to find what you need here.

I seriously don't understand anyone coming here, and asking the regulars to help them figure themselves out. This is a fucking fun house at a carnival for depraved.

Though you may gain some insight, you won't gain direction, discipline, or a solid identity... if you didn't have it to begin with. Stop asking "who am I?", and start figuring out how you can make your life worthwhile, based on what you already know.

I am so blessed to be filled with the love of the invisible pink unicorn. My relationship with her is the core of my being. After all, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. She has sacrificed her visibility to redeem the omniverse.

I have seen her at work in my life and in the lives of those around me. She is my ally, answering every prayer and performing incredible miracles. As I spend my days in my run with her, I am clothed in her righteousness. She is truly awesome! Life outside of IPU has nothing to offer and is empty and depressing.

I hope that she touches each of you with her holy hooves to guide you through the travails of life. Please open your liver to her incredible truth. Although my faith in her is deep and abiding, I have also seen the hole in the wall that has been made with her unique horn. Plus, no one has ever proven her wrong.

"At no time was greater damage ever done to Christianity than in those years when the Christian parties ruled side by side with those who denied the very existence of God. Germany's entire cultural life was shattered and contaminated in this period. It shall be our task to burn out these manifestations of degeneracy in literature, theater, schools, and the press—that is, in our entire culture—and to eliminate the poison which has been permeating every facet of our lives for these past fourteen years."

No I don't have socio traits. Personality disorders don't work like that, holy fuck. I have a dissociative disorder. I can be extremely self sacrificing and empathic, it depends on how close I am to the person though and whether or not they're idealized or devalued. Most borderlines are not aware of where their emotional reactions come from. Most Borderlins are very sensitive... to their own needs, and sacrificing for the needs of others are ways of subconsciously getting their own needs met. Not always, but often. I may be more insensitive than most, or I may just be more self aware of my own motivations. Or both.

To be honest, I think it is easier to live a life of poverty and suffering with religion. If you think you will be rewarded with a beautiful after life, the day to day misery might feel easier to take.

When a theist scrutinizes their religion critically, they realize that there are fundamental flaws in it. That's when they start disbelieveing in their own religion. Some look for comfort in different religions because of being unable to discard the God concept, that's why you have converts. Others become deists/agnostics/atheists... Many disbelievers don't reveal their true identity in fear of being socially rejected or sometimes death threats...

Oh shut-up, already, you turd. Save it for the Pissed Off Militant Lesbian Brigade. You are taking all of these quotes out of context. God never approved of slavery, he just sought to apply a modicum of decency to the practice; it was already well-entrenched in Hebrew culture and nothing was going to change that. We see plenty of evidence for this in the NT. God meets us where we are.

@Haven: Your post is very insightful, and it touches on something I was thinking about.

One of the earliest memories I have is of my father bashing my head against a door so hard I saw stars. My aunt was pissed off, but I thought she was mad at me at the time. Then again, sometimes he was very nice to me.

Perhaps my lack of empathy has to do with the fact that I was never able to form a secure, loving bond with such an important figure in my life. I couldn't trust him. I think a core component of my personality failed to develop as a result. I learned to disassociate myself from my emotions very young.

If God is omnipotent and the One. Why does god have a penis (gender defined as male)? It's not like there are any other lady goddesses around for 'Him' to procreate with according to that particular dogma.

Bella, to answer your earlier query, yes I'm exactly the same and more. I just accept it. I don't try to figure myself out cos I'm as basic a structure as anyone else and i think i already have done anyway. I'm perfectly imperfect, all over the place or focused. Don't beat yourself up for having some narcissism in you or whatever. Defence mechanisms are natural and you're a mix of things. It's impossible not to live life without some defence mechanisms if you've had problems in the past.

Go see a therapist if you want, but most understanding is derived by your own experience anyway. Just accept you're a bit nuts or indefinable and run with it. It's quite liberating when you look at it like that.

Just about ANYTHING else is better than submitting yourself to that mindless activity with ABSOLUTELY no straight answers, because god works in mysterious ways. Imagine if your doctor started working in mysterious ways? Or if your baker started baking bread with mysterious ingredients? But its okay for religion to feed a spider web of info that brings up more questions than is answers.

People should see their roots and connect with one another, stop the greed. People should rule the world not some invisible dude.

God initiated and programmed those cycles. Don't you know it says in the Bible that God commanded the EARTH to bring forth vegetation and animals?

You think a room full of monkeys like you tapping away at their computer keyboards would eventually produce Homer's Iliad? Because that is precisely what you are expected to believe as a good, Dawkins abiding atheist. Of course, that shouldn't be a problem, because the only way to mitigate the anthropic principle is to accept the existence of MULTIVERSES, in which ours just "so happens" to have all of the right ingredients, in the right proportions, for the proliferation of life. That model is just as unprovable as God, yet you propose it to be a viable "scientific" theory?

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Of course, my default is still to intuitively analyze every outcome and situation and achieve the best result, but it's more interesting to let people remain a variable and go in their own direction, rather than nudging them in the direction I prefer. Interacting with people WITHOUT trying to control them is a new paradigm for me.