Call Me Kelly is briefly reincarnated

WHITE

Jim Kelly is a Lehigh County commissioner, but most of us remember him as a Morning Call editor and columnist.

The other day, Kelly offered some insights into one of my favorite subjects: political signs. I decided to use what I could of his e-mail to turn this into Call Me Kelly for a day.

"Outside of asking people for money to help elect me," he wrote, "these signs were the next most distasteful aspect of running for office.

"Unlike large campaigns, I had no cadre of volunteers to help put up and take down these expensive pieces of trash. My political sign posse consisted of my wife and me, plus a few friends. Nadia and I would put together 100 or so at a time and wheeze our way around an area for hours in my aging Mazda truck. All told, we had 500 signs.

"You have to understand that these signs are totally alien to my nature. I don't go out of my way to draw attention to myself, and while I am serious about my role as a commissioner, I don't take myself seriously.

"Which is why I want to share with you one of my favorite experiences during the campaign. It concerns our wonderful friends, Dave and Nancy Schueck. Dave is an Emmaus native well known to area golfers. Nancy nee Linde hails from Upper Saucon, where she grew up on the former apple orchards of Bethlehem Steel tended by her father, Ted Linde Sr.

"Today Dave and Nancy live in a wonderfully secluded area in the Kennett Square region of Pennsylvania.

"Nadia and I decided to take a day off from the campaign and visit them for dinner. Since we knew Dave would be driving to the restaurant, we peppered key intersections along the way with our freshly minted Call Me Kelly signs. We even set up one on the long neighborhood road directly outside their house so they couldn't miss seeing it.

"Nancy and Dave are great laughers, and every time we came upon another sign it cracked them up, and us in the bargain. We were hysterical at each new intersection with a Call Me Kelly sign.

"But what really floored us was that in the two hours it took us to go to the restaurant and return, someone had already taken down the sign near their neighbors. I lost a few signs during the campaign, but no sign went up and down as quickly as that one. Maybe there was a Democrat in the neighborhood.

"Every other sign went into our trunk on the way home. I didn't want to take any chance that your informants would catch up with us.

"I think it's safe to assume five months after the election that I have found and recovered all the cardboard and wires asking folks to vote for "Call Me Kelly.' I promise not to litter again.

"Some other things I learned about political signs.

" Many people don't like political signs, but they have come to expect them. I didn't want to spend the money, but people kept asking me where my signs were.

" There's not a lot of topsoil on the roadsides, and underneath that thin layer of grass is pure, dense gravel. I could have used a pile driver to get those wires into the ground in some places.

" I may have swayed some votes for judicial candidate "Kelly' Waldron. We met a few weeks after the election and she thanked me for my signs. She strategically placed some of her signs near mine for a nice synergy. Her purple clashed with my red, however.

" Signs have a life of their own. You recommend [that] politicians keep a map. I did, although it was a half-baked effort, but the darn things weren't where I put them when I came back for them.

"I didn't mind people tearing them down, but I hated when they moved them."