The word from WZIG in Alameda is that Sister Mary Zig wants to be the next pope..

She’s starting early this time.

When ol’ JP bought the farm a few years ago, the good sister [a freelance nun] was never really taken seriously by the powers that be. The Vatican claimed it was because MZ [as her intimate friends call her] was never actually affiliated with the Catholic Choich. Mary Zig claimed, “I applied to the nunnery and was turned down because I wasn’t butch enough. Besides, they don’t like Jews.”

That said, good common sense tells us that an old, irreverent, hippie comedian with little or no qualifications for the job [or any job, especially ones that require actual work], would make a better Pope than a deaf-child abusing, former member of they Hitler Youth.

So, if elected here’s what the ol’ gal promises:

< MZ will make a concerted effort not to talk or write in the third person.

< The greatest Cardinal of all time, Stan Musial, will be Vice Pope.

< Settle with the real victims of Priest’s indiscretions, those not chosen. Imagine going through life thinking that something’s wrong with you because Father McGillicutty didn’t choose you as his “special fellow?” These poor puds are victims, as well.

< A mitre for all my friends.

< Fire all the Cardinals, and those who report to them.

< Liquidate [sell the list of parishioners to the Episcopalians] , and use the money to feed the hungry, for stem cell research, and to provide free condoms for all.