Financial Challenges Support Group

This community is for people who are struggling to meet financial obligations of any kind. Financial challenges include everything from the day-to-day challenges of making ends meet to managing credit card debt to bankruptcy. Get support from others who are going through similar obstacles on the road back to financial stability.

Is it fair? Or am I being unreasonable?

April 16, 2007: I should be happy for him, but part of me is not. My husband got the offer he's been waiting for, a consulting job at a good rate of pay an hour. When he orig told me he was going to look for work he told me that this would give me a chance to save money too, that he would catch all the bills for a while, but then took it back when he realized I had a small savings (only $5k; he has a savings of nearly $100k). He was upset and said that I haven't cut him a break why should he give me one. (He quit his high paying job to pursue his own business. We split the bills and pay for our own food, etc., much like roommates.) I once offered to pay all the regular bills if he would buy the food and gas, because I felt this would give him a chance not to worry so much about bills, and this would also eliminate some of the fighting about money and it would also teach us to depend on eachother instead of completely ourselves - this was before the consulting job. Unfortunately, on a temp. job wage I can't afford this out of state, only here at home. (I also have a huge student loan hanging over my head so we cannot be on a joint checking account b/c if I defaulted they could take everything he has.) I told him I didn't mind helping with things, but it hurts me when he boasts about how much he's going to make and how much he is going to be able to save. I also told him that it hurts me that I have to feel that I have to bust my butt all year round or dip into my small savings, but he can work for a short period of time, which I am making a sacrifice by quitting my job and relocating for him to do so, but I don't get anything out of it. I told him I was on board because we both were winning in the situation, but now, if anything I am going to be experiencing a set back until I find new work. It's hard to be excited for someone that you love when half the time you are fighting with them over stupid stuff. I've tried coming up with solutions of trying to make this financial thing work, and honestly I do think it would be fair if he cut me a break (only because he will be making such a great deal by this temporary move), but he won't hear of it. I've been sick for the last week, we don't have insurance because he doesn't want to help with his portion (I can get some thru the temp agency) and I broke down and went to the doctor I am so sick. I've been sleeping on the couch because it is warmer upstairs (I have asthmatic bronchitis, and a sinus infection), tonight I have felt a little better only because I have antibiotics in me, and to be honest, I don't even want to sleep next to him. My mother and his mother are both worried about me moving out of state with him like this and are both upset by his stinginess. Maybe I shouldn't have involved either of them, but to be honest I don't have anyone else to talk to about it. I believe that it won't be long before my mother dislikes him - I have to be careful with what I say, and to be honest may have to lie about the financial thing to buffer how she and my stepdad will feel about and react to him. I am so scared. I love him and don't want our marriage to fall apart but I just don't know what to do to save it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I'm sorry to say this but he is an asshole. When a couple get married, they share everything. I can understand about the student loan part but everything else is split, thats ridiculous. You two are married and thats what marriage is. We don't have much money and my husband has ben supporting me since before we were married. I did work a little and now I can't work at all but its never been your or mine, its always been ours. We've been happily married for 35 yrs.

You really need to rethink this financial arrangement. It doesn't seem to be working. Aside from the student loan, why did you agree to it? Being married means you share everything--the good and bad. The big bills and the little bills. What would have happened if he was the one with the student loan? Is your job with the temp agency a long term one? Is it something you really enjoy doing? How easy will it be to find another? Does it mean leaving your family? To answer your question--no, I don't think it's fair and you are not being unreasonable.

First of all you are very lucky to have ANY savings so many people including myself are living paycheck to paycheck. I think your problem has nothing to do with money and everything to do with how your husband feels about you. I would seek marriage counsling if I were you. Like the others have said when you are married you become one and it sounds like he ins't treating you like a wife at all but instead a business partner and roomate!

April 17, 2007: Well this morning he came to his senses all on his own and was so lovee dovey it wasn't even funny. Glad he appreciates me. Thank you all for your advice. To anyone going through a similar situation as this, my advice is stand your ground, be firm not pushy and hopefull you can work something out.

but other than that, why on earth are you splitting the bills like that? are you separated? If so, I say you get your own place.. if not, why are you acting like you are? Personally, I'd really recommend marriage counseling. He sounds a bit greedy.. wanting to keep all of &quot;his&quot; money. Legally you're entitled to half of everything that's his just as he's entitled to half of what's yours. (except for what you had before marriage, of course)

I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

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