Why Men Cheat

July 12, 2013

A recent survey reported that 98 percent of men admitted to fantasizing about having sex with someone other than their partner. What happens when that innocent fantasy becomes real infidelity? Dr. Phil speaks with a man who not only admits to cheating, but says he feels justified in doing so. And, two website founders try to make an impact on infidelity in America.

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Shawn and EmeraldEmerald, says Shawn has cheated on her with 78 womenShawn, admits to 20 affairsNoel, founder of AshleyMadison.comLucia, loves dating married men on Noel's websiteJames, founder of Cheaterville.com

Pushed to Cheat?

Emerald says her husband of eight years, Shawn, has cheated on her with at least 78 women, and his continued infidelity is tearing apart their family. Emerald says she doesn’t want their four children — plus one on the way — to grow up without their father, which is why she keeps taking him back. Shawn admits to having at least 20 affairs but says Emerald is to blame for him straying.

“If things with Emerald don’t change, I will continue to cheat.”

Dr. Phil digs deeper into Shawn’s infidelity. Where does Shawn meet all his mistresses?

Recently, Emerald says she discovered a bombshell. Is that the only secret Shawn's been keeping from his wife?

Dr. Phil makes it clear to Emerald that she’s not responsible for her husband turning outside their marriage. “Understand, it’s because he has a teenage mentality. He’s totally hedonistic, and it has nothing to do with you,” he tells her.

Shawn expresses regret with how his relationship with his wife began. “The way we got together was forceful, to me. We wouldn’t be together if she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant with my twins.”

Emerald shares that just before coming to the show, her husband was again promising her that he’d stop seeing other women, but she doesn't believe him.

Dr. Phil tells Shawn that in order for him to end his pattern of cheating, the change has to take place with him — not Emerald.

Shawn agrees. “It’s not her; it’s me. I want help. I want my family back. I want my wife to be happy. I know I made mistakes. I want everything to go back to normal,” he says.

Kids Caught in the Middle

“My twins are having a very hard time dealing with this,” Emerald says. “They’re failing in school now. One of my daughters gave my husband an ultimatum: It’s either his lifestyle with all the women, or it was us.”

“I just feel that Emerald told them to say that,” Shawn says. “A few occasions, my daughters have said things that I don’t think they’re capable of coming up with on their own.”

Dr. Phil explains that the reason he wanted to intervene with this couple was because of their children.

Dr. Phil makes it clear that they are both inflicting damage on their kids. “This is not a popularity contest!”

Dr. Phil reads comments their 10-year-old twins made during a videotaped interview that Emerald conducted. One child says, “‘I have told Dad he needs to choose between us and this other baby. I feel this way because he never contacts us. We barely get to see him. He’s even missed some of our birthdays. He’s taken us around some of these other women. I have circles under my eyes from crying. He’s been lying to us for a long time. I’ve been failing in school because he’s cheating. I think about it all the time.'"

The other twin says, "'Dad is never there. Sometimes, he takes his anger out on us. I found out about his cheating because my mom was on the speakerphone with girls and found a bunch of pictures of him and another girl, and she showed us. I told our dad that I feel like his other child is taking my place as a Daddy’s girl. I’ve gone from an A to a C to a D [student.] I’ve been failing. We’re thinking of him and how he cheats every minute, and we lose focus at school.’”

Emerald wipes away her tears. Both she and Shawn admit their wrongdoing in getting their kids involved.

Dr. Phil tells Emerald, “He either needs to straighten up, or you need to get a divorce, because I’ll guarantee you, children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.”

Dr. Phil issues strong words of warning to Shawn. "You are teaching them what men do."

Dr. Phil offers resources for Emerald and Shawn to work on their marriage. They accept.

A Much-Needed Service?

Noel is the CEO and founder of AshleyMadison.com, a dating website for married people seeking affairs. “We created Ashley Madison to create a safe place so that people could have affairs more discreetly,” Noel says. “AshleyMadison.com is one of the most honest websites on the planet. There’s this inherent honesty built into people pursuing an affair, desperate to find someone who understands them for who they truly are. The bottom line is I couldn’t really operate this business if I didn’t have a massive demand for it.”

Dr. Phil's guest Lucia says she loves using Noel’s website. “I love married men. Having sex with married men is good for me because there is no attachment,” she says. “I don’t have any guilt whatsoever when it comes to their significant other or their wives ... AshleyMadison.com is not going to be for everyone, but I believe it gives people the chance of being honest.”

Exposing Cheaters

James is the founder of Cheaterville.com, a website that exposes cheaters with the goal of ending infidelity. “I think AshleyMadison.com is despicable, and it destroys marriages.”

James tells Noel, “I’m married with two baby boys. If I was having an issue with my wife, your answer is I could go to your site, I could have a discreet affair, I’m not going to get caught, and it’s going to make things better with me and my wife … That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“To me, the biggest homewrecking service in America is probably something like Cheaterville.com. This is a guy who is outing people, destroying relationships for monetary gain,” Noel argues.