Mr. and Ms. Clean:
The Overnight Guy/Static Girl's Apartment:

I enjoy writing about how cool and smart I am. I also really enjoy writing about how cool and smart my "Static Girl" girlfriend is. I NEVER STOP bragging about her OR how great our relationship is. We have achieved a mastery of communication (verbal and non-verbal) that is usually reserved for best friends, or twins; those people who can finish each other's sentences, for example.

But that's not what I want to write about today. Today I want to write about the overall tidiness of our apartment. We start by having neither children nor pets (our guinea pigs stay in her room). This simple fact alone gives us a major advantage in having a clean place to live.

My girlfriend has not always been a neat freak, but I have had a great influence on her. There are so many things that I will just "do" if I see that they need to be done. Full trash cans don't sit around at all, and dirty dishes don't stay in the sink for long (I learned a long time ago that going to bed with a clean sink makes for one less thing to worry about the following morning--and I'm not a morning person.). I keep a clean kitchen and bath, and I usually use my vaccum every weekend. You don't have to tell me; I KNOW that I'm a damn fine roommate. Today, Wednesday April 30th 2003, I came home and cooked leftovers for me and the quiet one; served dinner, then cleaned up and put the plates in the dishwasher afterward. Then I noticed that the stove was a little dirty, so I pulled out my enviro-friendly green stuff and cleaned the stovetop. And, yes, I did all of this in my underwear (duh).

Now as I read back over this, it looks like I'm trying to brag about what I did today; you know, like "Hey ladies, does your man treat you this well?" But that is not my point at all. This whole commentary started last night, Tuesday, when I realized that I actually forgot to run the vaccum this past weekend. I looked around at our (still) very orderly and organized apartment, and then I went in there to her room--to kiss on my woman for a minute. And I said to her "You know, even on our worst day, our apartment is clean and nice enough to be in a damn magazine. Hell, it OUGHT to be in a damn magazine. I'm serious!" Then she smiled, and nodded her head in agreement. Hey; that's about all the appreciation I need--right there.

Want to know a secret? Other people; yeah, they AIN'T LIKE US, not at all. When you go over to their houses, there's dogs, cats, bugs, and toys; trash overflowing, weird smells, laundry everywhere, dust caked on the tv screen, CD's--with no cases--all over the floor, glass that's never seen window cleaner, food sitting out, and I could go on and on--but I won't. And this is an overall culmination; 15-plus years of observing how other people live. And I just shake my head. From my very first apartment in Athens, GA, at age 20, I have been an anal neat freak. So I'd just like to say, for the record; Thank God for...wait for it...ME! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, ME! I AM the good example; I AM getting it done. A little help, here and there, from Static Girl; and she's great, and I'll keep her; yes. But you could all learn a lesson from ME!