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Welcome to the Blak Rayne Blog, where I post articles, author interviews, book and movie reviews, as well as anything else that sparks my interest!

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Friday, May 20, 2011

IS THIS LOVE?

This was an article I posted previously @ IRM and I thought I'd share it here @ BRB. I was curious to your reaction.

The first time I experienced real love–or I should say (what I thought was real love) I was sixteen and he was twenty-one. It was an on again/off again ride that lasted just shy of two years. I won’t go into gory details but the first time I came to and found my face bashed in the side of a car door I should’ve walked away. It wasn’t ignorance or the fluffy feelings of love that kept me in the relationship but the embarrassment of the whole situation and the fact that for a brief time, I truly believed his bullshit–that it was my fault, that I somehow brought this whole fucking mess upon myself. Yeah, right. After I woke up and realized how bad we were together I changed and ended up becoming as violent as my abuser for a time until I finally just left. It was either him or I. Does this sound familiar?

Abuse can happen to anyone and as you can probably guess it’s a subject that I’m vocally passionate about. No one and I mean no one has the right to tell you what to do, who should be your friends, how to dress or what to eat. Neither do they have the right to manipulate. Abuse comes in many forms, physical, sexual, emotional, verbal and psychological.

This is a touchy subject for some and especially those in the gay community. For instance, did you know that one in ten gay men are abused or have been abused, in some form by their significant other? Mind you, the stat is just an educated guess, because unfortunately most men and in particular, gay men, don’t like to tell anyone they’re being abused and secondly some men don’t even realize they’re being abused. When a man abuses his partner most people, and this includes the police, honestly believe it’s consensual–that the victim actually enjoys it (for instance, the assume it's BDSM). Others poke fun and think it’s a joke, thus enabling the abuser to continue.

Here are the sobering (US) stats:

Domestic violence among gay couples is approximately twenty-five to thirty-three percent and is as commonplace as it is in heterosexual relationships.

Every year as many as five hundred thousand gay men are battered (yes the number is legit).

Even though the rate of same-sex abuse is similar to heterosexual abuse there are fewer ways to protect these men.

There a seven states that define domestic violence in such a way that it excludes same-sex victims.

The abuser in these relationships uses the same method and weapons to control the victim, no different than heterosexual relationships – family, friends etc.

I could go on and on spewing stats, the myths and reasons behind them, but I don’t feel it would do anyone justice. The simple truth is, we seriously need to take a long, hard look at our laws and we need to reeducate our leaders, law enforcement officials and anyone else who is in a position to change things. There are men out there who are abused on a daily basis. They’re scared and they’re alone–hell there are women and children in the same sickening position.

If you witnessed someone abusing someone else what would you do? Would you step up to the plate?

One step in the right direction is awareness. I dare you to share your story with someone else. Sharing can set the soul free and theirs because suddenly, they're not alone.

This is my last post until May 23rd when I return from Vacation. Once I get a chance, hopefully that day, I'll be posting about my trip with an array of interesting pictures! May 25th author Sandy Sullivan will be here! And on May 27th author AP Miller! Plus there will be some other goodies! Thanks so much sweeties and take care!