Here we go again. I thought all my friends, lovers and clients knew, but since I just got ANOTHER ONE… 😫

I do NOT like receiving unsolicited cock shots.

I don’t care if I’m a sex worker.

I don’t care if you got carried away.

I don’t care if I’ve played with your cock.
I don’t care if I’ve had it in my mouth.

I don’t care if you are someone I’ve been fucking with for years, or are brand new and exciting.

I don’t care if you are Barack Obama. (Note: My point is, he would NEVER do that. Anthony Weiner, however, WOULD.)

If you send me a cock shot, it’s like a slap in the face, an instant turn off, and an online assault, and I will fine you $50 and demand an apology if you ever want to interact with me again.

It’s all about comfort and context, people.

Wait, no…MEN.

I challenge you to comment if you’ve never sent a cock shot, or wish to publicly apologize for sending a cock shot. Or feel completely justified in sending a cock shot.

So, without further ado…

Wanna know the quickest way NOT to get under my skirt?

Think dealbreaker, hard limit, red flag, turn OFF.

OK, besides wearing ugly footwear or torturing small mammals.

Send me an unsolicited cock shot.

Is this what men imagine their cock shot looks like?

My dick is a GOD!

or this?

My dick is seriously BAD ASS.

or this?

My penis is all-powerful!

Guys. Here is what it really looks like:

squawck i am not worthy

Only WITHOUT the dandelion.

Is this how men imagine I react to a cock shot?

I’M THRILLED TO SEE YOUR JUNK!

or this?

The sight of your penis made me spontaneously orgasm!

Or this?

The sight of your cock makes me want to climb you like a jungle gym and put you in every hole!

Here is how I really react:

Seriously, guys. You can do better than this.

Here is what I would rather get from you than a cock shot:

MONEY.

Here is when I will ask you for a cock shot:

NEVER.

Why do some woman have an issue with pictures of the Male genitalia ???? Is this not all about sex?? I for One expect my submissive to crave my sex as much or more than I crave theirs. Am I missing something??

~Guy on FetLife

Yes. Yes you are missing something. COMMON SENSE. If you show me a disembodied random cock shot, I’m not going to be turned on.

Because I’m a woman.

A cock shot is not just an “unwelcome intrustion” – it’s online sexual assault.

It can be violating, even traumatic for some women.

GAY MEN like cock shots and get aroused at the sight of them. But it is NOT the way to seduce a woman. I want a face and a voice attached to my man meat. I’m not a prude. I love cock. I like cock in real life. I’m especially fond of my lover’s cocks.

But for it to be my first impression of some random guy – it ain’t gonna cut it. That’s like going straight to fucking without foreplay. It’s crass. Same with online profiles that sport penis pics. (The one laid out next to a ruler to show how big it was gave me the best laugh.)

When I see a pic of an erect penis, it doesn’t say to me, “I care about your desires and want to turn you on.” It says, “HEY LOOK AT MY DICK! IT’S THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE! I’M THINKING ABOUT MY DICK RIGHT NOW. WHEN I LOOK AT YOU, I THINK ABOUT HOW GREAT YOU WOULD MAKE MY DICK FEEL. I’M NOT VERY GOOD IN BED BECAUSE IT’S ALL ABOUT MY DICK. LET’S CUT TO THE CHASE – I AM A DICK!!!”

As far as I’m concerned, nothing wonderful develops from a cock shot. The moment you get hit with one, it’s downhill from there. It’s thoughtless, predictable, and tacky.

My man is against them too, so if you send me one in the hopes of turning me on and fucking me silly, not only will it put me off, but it will put him off, too, and then it’s game over.

In fact, just the other day, a woman sent him a pic of her pussy, and then requested a picture of his cock (SOLICITED COCK SHOT), but he declined, stating, “The first time you see my cock will be right before it goes in your mouth.” And that’s exactly what happened!

To all you clueless men out there who have assaulted my sensibilities with an unfortunate move down the humanity scale: Here is MY cock shot.

I AM RAGING SEXY. DO IT WITH ME.

See what I mean? Is that hot, or not?

Women: Do YOU sit around and masturbate to pictures of random penises? If a guy contacts you and his page is full of creepy cock shots, does that make you say, ‘WOW this guy has something special!’

Um, no. EVERY dude has a dick. He’s going to have to offer something besides that if he wants me to take notice. A guy who showcases his dick is telling me he’s full of himself, immature and misguided. Leave something to the imagination. If you’re going to give me a present, don’t be tacky and unwrap it and play with it first!

A guy I really liked and was interested in just sent me cock shots, which ruined the vibe for me, but it inspired this post, so I’m really glad it turned into a snarky teaching moment. From now on, I’ll have this post to fire back at any guy in the future who sends me a picture of his dick. Because just like the ocean tide ebbing or the sun rising, IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN.

READERS: I’d like to know your take. If you’re a man, have you had success getting laid just by flashing your dick at unsuspecting women? Women, does that do it for you? How do you respond? Do you send a diseased cock shot back, figuring he must like that kind of thing and you want to return the favor?

Have I wanked to pictures of cock in the past? Yep – even the occasional disembodied, leaking precum cockshot. Will I do it again? You betcha.

Big fan of cock – big fan of genitals! Big fan of people genuinely expressing things that make them feel sexy.

Have I wanked to unsolicited pictures of cocks? Nope. Am I likely to in the future? I don’t think so.

There are some key differences between the two though.

1. The first example I sought out. When I go looking for pictures of cocks, it’s me deciding that’s what’s going to arouse me most at this moment. Control is in my court.

2. Unsolicited cock shots don’t just show a lack of common sense; they show either a lack of understanding around boundaries, or they show a lack of respect for them. I understand that being on a adult site will expose me to a show of genitals – in general. But sending them to my inbox on a dating site, or via twitter, or to my phone? No. Inapprops. Especially if you’re sending them to someone who isn’t already a lover (or very close to becoming one)

3. Expression of desire. Is it a simply showing your genitals or is it about crafting an aspect of sexuality? One of those things is hot. The other…. well. meh. I’m not even repulsed by the genitals (I *may* be repulsed by the behaviour of the person sending me random shots of their genitals….but not the body part itself), it’s just all a little boring; and that’s no way to start a relationship of any sort with me.

This was a great way to start my workday, made me smile—ear to ear
!!! I think cock shots are hilarious and even better to think that men have soooo much confidence in their penises. Love cock, but I agree with you in that it’s really their hands and voice and soul that turn me on.

Surely you’re joking. I mean, I know you’re not, I just can’t imagine someone doing something so insane and, well, stupid. And rude. And inappropriate. I’m so very sorry. My best guess is that the guy gets off on the idea of women being repulsed by his penis. Or that he’s illiterate, possibly. If I sent a picture of my vulva to a gay man, I’d expect him to recoil in horror, and possibly threaten to show his equally horrified friends, all of whom would say things like “What is THAT part for?” and “It looks…sticky” and definitely “OMG I am SO GLAD that I will never have to see another one of those.”

There’s a dating blog I sometimes read that I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with. Anyway, one good point she does make rather succinctly is that when men are really overtly sexual sexual like that (i.e., cock shots), they’re demonstrating that they really don’t care about you or put into any thought into what you might like/want, they’re just about what they want. It’s like casting a line to fish – if you “bite,” great; if not, you swim away and oh well, whatever, there are plenty other fish in the sea. Don’t that make a gal feel special. 😛

Not exerting any genuine effort or even pretending to want to get to know you is just gross and insulting. Even if you’re looking for something casual, you want to at least feel comfortable around the person, be able to hang out and converse and whatnot. Maybe they don’t need to be a Ph.D. who blows your mind with their dazzling intellect and perspective, but at least be able to be respectful and demonstrate you’re on the same page, be able to clearly communicate what they do and don’t want.

All great points made here! As Kendra stated, I don’t even send solicited cock shots. Quite often a woman won’t even see my dick in person until the second time we are together sexually. Getting it out is not a priority with a new partner. I don’t need it to make a woman feel loved, respected and satisfied. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love, respect, and am satisfied with my cock; and would totally suck it if I could, but not out of necessity….thanks in part to the fact that I don’t send cockshots. 🙂

Impressive cock shot… I think its the mask, yup. I think the only thing worse than an unsolicitated cock shot photo, is having the personal encounter of a random cock shot. Decadence, N.O. need I say more ¦)

Err, umm I’m a bit confused, does this mean you want me to stop sending you my daily cock pics?

Nah ! just joking, sending cock pics aren’t really my thing anyway.
Previous posters have summed up the situation pretty well and really the only thing I can add is that it is a matter of context. Nude pics/ sexting etc is fine on some sites, inappropriate on others and absolutely offensive on others. It is a matter of context.
Unsolicited cock pics are no better than spam. Delete.

While I agree that I never wank to cock shots, I’m not offended by them.

Men are proud of their cocks. A cock is a cock is a cock — but they are different sizes, shapes and colors. They grow from a soft, tame appendage to something larger and much harder. What the penis can do during arousal is awesome.

I don’t think men get why most women don’t care about them. We are not normally visual creatures, but we are turned on by the mind.

I feel if we are going to have a problem with cock shots, we should have a problem with boob shots. Isn’t that the same purpose? It’s there to lure and tantalize? I’m bisexual – and I have men and women hit on my clothed boob shots I post on twitter – and my blog. When guys send me cock shots, I tell them “Thanks – my boyfriend is going to use this for wank material” as he is also bisexual – and the guys are 90% of the time SO EXCITED about that. It does nothing for me, but I’ll put it to someone’s good use.

A cock shot or dick AVI reminds me of what these guys are about – being direct. I have no problem with that. I’d rather know what your intentions are up front than talk to me, develop a friendly conversation, and THEN bomb me with the cock shot I wasn’t expecting or looking for. Send me a cock shot? OK, you want to hook up. I’m not interested, but I’m not offended either. If the guy has a dick AVI, good for him. My boobs face the world of twitter everyday, and I don’t plan on changing that.

Great post, including illustrations. This is an aspect of male sexual psychology I do not get. Seriously, do random cock shots even turn on gay men? I wonder. A single photograph focused on a vagina with no context has zero erotic effect on me. A smiling face or a bare shoulder or an ankle would do more for me than that. This is my problem with a lot of straight porn, even the so-called “couples” porn: long, tedious closeups of genitals going at it, not much else. (I’m not prudish about freaky porn, but give me some faces of pleasure, give me more of the beautiful human form, let me see people rocking each other’s world and being satisfied, etc.) Turning off the picture and just listening to the sounds is sometimes better. Anyway, I’ve jumped to another subject.

I am a pansexual polyandrous male, who receives unsolicited cock shots as well. No, I am not just interested in their junk… I have my own. No I will not jerk off to random stranger penis picture, nor do I jerk off to random vagina or breasts pictures (I do enjoy porn, but I am very selective about who is in them so the actors/actresses are not really strangers).

Every random male stranger who has hit me up online has immediately requested a cock shot from me to beat off to and/or tried to immediately send me his cock shot (if it was not the original solicitation). On occasion I have received vulva pics from females, though generally I assume its really a male roleplaying as female for jollies.

I don’t send out cock shots, and I would not be interested in someone who based their entire interest in me on a penis picture. What about my functioning brain, my feeling heart, and my capacity to care deeply?

When you have to use Magnum XL condoms it is easy and cheezy to lure in anonymous, nameless, fuckwads with just a shake of the shwang… and just as stupidly devoid of worth. I was a porn actor once upon a time, and I still have more respect for my professional co-workers than I ever will for anyone with a FL profile full of only genital pics (their’s or other’s).

>On occasion I have received vulva pics from females, though generally I assume its really a male roleplaying as female for jollies.<

Heh, good instincts. I suppose I can't definitively say that no straight female on Earth would ever do that – but most wouldn't, so that seems like a pretty good "tell" that you've got a faker on your hands.

Well… there goes my idea for your Christmas present. What the fuck am I going to do now.

In all seriousness… very funny. Yes… I think guys expect women to react like we would if you were to send us a photo of your ass or pussy, but you’re right… men and women are wired differently. Unsolicited, though… it’s a dumb thing to do. It’s someone who doesn’t care what you want. They’re only doing it for shock value.

There’s an old saying, somewhere I’m sure: You can’t start the fire with the log. You need kindling.

Guys can get confused. For a man, breasts are a turn on almost any time, any place he sees them. Same is true for pussies. Men don’t have a mental transformation where breasts are revolting until the he reaches a certain stage of arousal. This is what women have about penises. Why does it work that way? Who knows?

Think of how confusing this can be. Maybe the last three partners he’s had have all praised his cock. So, he begins to think, hey, women feel the very same way I do about pussy. Maybe all the partners he’s had have told him his cock is the mightiest sexual force on the planet, or even the fifth force of the universe (not likely). However, there’s a crucial point he’s missed: they told him that either during or after sex, or after they’ve had sex several times.

Until a woman reaches a certain stage of arousal, or has a certain level of familiarity with the man, the sight of a cock, at best, does nothing for her. At worst, it’s seen as a confrontation. Usually, it falls in between, where it puts her arousal on ice, perpetually. This is true even when the woman is straightforward about loving sex in general. That’s different from being currently aroused. Porn can confuse guys further, simply because it’s not a representative sample of how women behave.

I won’t say every single hetero or bisexual woman on earth is like this; but I will say it’s such a high percentage who are, that a guy will usually never be wrong in his life to assume that all are like this.

That is my real name. Actually, the unsolicited shot is very immature, something one would expect from a Middle High Schooler. But, that is not what I am writing about. As I was reading your blog, I started to chuckle, what a great name for a drink shot. We have Tequila shots, Lemon Drop shots, Kamikazi shots, even Buttery Nipple shots, why not THE “UNSOLICITED COCK SHOT?” At the next Sex Positive event, order it. You can have a weak one, a stiff one, a short one or a tall one. The fun is limited only by your imagination. Heck, a guy could send one across the room to a table of ladies and after a few, he might even get solicited. Don’t know what liquor to put in it, but that should be the easy part. What do you think?

Ok fuzzilla, you sound like a lot of fun. So let’s figure this out. It probably should be vodka with maybe a dash of cranberry juice to give it the pink coloring. Put a squirt of whipped cream on top. Since it is “unsolicited,” it needs a little bit of bite, stronger. To finish the presentation, it needs to be garnished with a condom. Might be an expensive shot, but after a few, everyone may get lucky or at least have a great laugh. Here’s to you, “Bottoms Up!” or should I say “Fronts Up!!”

I was with you ’til the condom part. You want cute/naughty/suggestive, not “um, eww” (certainly not an opened condom?? One still in the packaging might be a cute touch, like “heh, just in case, you never know!” Still, shot glasses are rather small, which would make presentation awkward. Maybe I’m thinking too hard/this is more fun than work).

Yeah, I was thinking still in the package. I don’t know how you would do it otherwise. You know the shot could be delivered on a small plate with the condom on the side. You could even have the packages marked, “The Unsolicited Cock Shot.” It would make a great marketing tool for the drink. Could be the rage. Just thinking.

You said exactly what I was thinking! Every word! In my fetlife profile I have specifically asked that men refrain from sending me cock shots because it happens so much. I just don’t get it. Thanks for writing this.

Hi Kendra,
I have been reading you for years but somehow missed out this post. This post that may just be your greatest one yet! Thank you! When the mood strikes me I will also send this to all the cocks that send me so many unsolicited cock shots!
Amazing!
K
ps I kind of wish you didn’t put that line in about money, it kind of plays to the idea that women are only interested in money and we’re all just gold diggers. Which I know was not your intention. However I tend to think that men with the decision making skills that lead them to send unsolicited cock shots might apply those same skills in that context with the money comment.
pps sorry, long ps, all around amazing post!!!

I don’t send pictures of my cock until they are explicitly asked for. I have a rooster picture that I send with the subject “cock shot” that is sent unsolicited 🙂

Women either really like them, or really don’t. I seem to attract the “really do” women. I sent my partner a shot of my cock next to a bottle of her favorite whiskey before I went over with the caption “gifts for you” and she loved it.

Since this comment thread seems to have returned from the dead, I might as well offer my opinion.

Most women seem to agree with this, but I think you have to be careful not to state this in excessively normative or universal terms. I don’t want women who like cock shots to feel that they have something wrong with themselves.

Speaking as a guy, I don’t send or post cock shots unsolicited, but one woman I was sexting with asked me to send her one, so I did.

I personally find anonymous cock pictures very arousing if they are good photographs, or if the penis in question is particularly cute. There is a tumblr called “pretty-penis” that I sometimes jerk off to. But the sloppily composed, poorly lit dick selfies that most guys like to share do nothing for me.

I agree. And we are talking about “unsolicited”. I’d also like to add that I have the exact same reaction to unsolicited cunt shots or boob shots or shots of anything unsolicited really. It is quite true that if I know you and love you or want you and we’ve talked about it, I can get quite lit up by an explicit photo, but only if we’ve agreed. Nonconsensual intimacies are nonconsensual. Period.

Sending dick pics is a phenomenon that can’t be explained by seduction technique. Usually when women complain about them, they say things like, “Yeah, right… like THIS is going to get me turned on,” or “My vagina dries up whenever I get an unsolicited picture of a guy’s penis!” I think this is missing the point.

Yes, with books like Sex at Dawn and our egalitarian ideals, perhaps some men get into thinking that women have the same KIND of libido and responsiveness a man does. I just recently saw a New Girl episode where the title character said she spent hours watching pornography. While women are plenty sexual and many do indulge in pornography from time-to-time, men have different sexual wiring, and it’s possible that enough men lack the awareness to tread with empathy through these waters, but women, appropriately, complain enough about this publicly that I find it hard to believe men *actually* think they’re going to “get pussy” by “sharing their penis.”

My guess is that there has to be some primitive psychological reason they do it. They must be thinking to themselves, on some level of subconscious: “I’m probably not going to get to have sex with this person, but if she sees my penis, whether she reacts with disgust, amusement, or annoyance, on some level we’ve had sex and I’ve sown my seed. (And, this is low risk; let’s face it… she can’t prove it’s *my* dick.)” We didn’t really have cellphones in pre-history, so we can’t tell if our ancestors would have been inclined toward the same practice, but something tells me such men tried to get away with *whatever* they could back then and they didn’t have to resign themselves to photo-terrorism. One way or the other, I think once you’ve seen the dick pic, a guy has already accomplished what he’s after.

Well I just realised something… I totally just beat my lady meat to an unsolicited dick pic ie. the link that I posted above. I mean I wasn’t a creep or anything but as I had my ‘lady time’ this morning under the covers that headless man did visit me.
I’m a cis female btw, I just feel like there are not enough funny & playful terms for female masturbation. ‘lady time’ kinda sounds like a period though I do enjoy the vaguely violent sound of beating meat. What do you call it?

“Leave something to the imagination. If you’re going to give me a present, don’t be tacky and unwrap it and play with it first!”

But there’s also something to be said for letting all parties involved know what they’re getting into. Remember that college coed who made that Power Point report about the different men she fucked, and what she liked and didn’t like about them? She mentioned how disappointed she was when hooking up with a small dicked guy, and she specifically described it as being like unwrapping a present and being extremely disappointed with what was inside. I don’t want to be that guy that a woman complains and laughs about to her girlfriends. Cock shots sent early on can prevent that type of miscommunication.