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Apparently, a lot of people are all worked up about feedback lately (as evidenced by this article from Fast Company. . .and this article from the Harvard Business Review . . .and this article – which is actually about the previous article – from the Australian website Business Insider by way of the blog The People Geekly).

Far be it from me to question the brilliant minds at either
Fast Company or Harvard – I say
that without the slightest bit of sarcasm, both are among my favorite places to
read interesting articles and learn new things – still,I think both pieces miss a really important point (or
two) when it comes to the power of honest, kind, and useful feedback.

Feedback is neither
inherently bad nor should it be exclusively critical.

Both articles seem to lean on two assumptions that I find
problematic: one, that feedback is solely a tool to address poor performance,
and two, that feedback can’t be delivered effectively – and with kindness –
such that it’s useful for growth and improvement.

What those assumptions don’t take into account is that feedback
is not just the act of telling someone what they did wrong (in fact, when
delivered correctly it shouldn’t even be considered that), but is actually
something that’s naturally embedded in every reaction we have, whether or not
we’re aware of it.

You can’t avoid feedback,
but you can learn to take the guesswork out.

If a chef serves you a new creation and your face puckers
involuntarily at the taste, you’ve just given feedback – and haven’t said a
word.

If a direct report shares news and you roll your eyes – or, dare
I suggest, smile – you’ve done the same, given feedback without uttering a
syllable.

The danger in each situation is that it leaves the receiver
in the position of interpreter. Maybe
your face puckered and you LOVE sour
foods. Perhaps you rolled your eyes in solidarity (or smiled by way of nervous
reaction). Regardless, it’s a crapshoot for the person on the other side as
they’re left to surmise what you intended.

And that’s all the more reason that delivering feedback effectively, clearly, and with empathy matters a great deal. But it’s not, in my estimation, a reason to abandon it altogether. There are tools and practices that’ll help you do better; some of them have been around a long time and are pretty straightforward (check out SBI here).