Don, you've mentioned the naked mud roll in several of your comments - it obviously appeals, so just go do it. I don't know about the quality of the mud down under. Here we get a lot of rain so mud is in plentiful supply. Health and Safety requires you to take a friend in case you get into trouble - sinking mud, snakes, poisonous frogs etc it's best done in the middle of an electric storm for maximum excitement. If you can't find anywhere locally, perhaps you could set up your own little enterprise? Send me a commission after youve made your first million.

You've told us quite a lot 'bout you
Hazel et-ter-idge
Do you really groove at the granny-dance club
Is this true Hazel e, ridgy didge?

You seem quite reluctant to tell me
'Bout this mud-roll thing
I've got to the part where I'm stark naked Haze
When I roll in the mud can I sing?

I'd just like to pick up on our Anya
Strong-feeler, quick-speaker, too-short-thinker
I also strong-feel, speak-too-quick and don't go over 'fore press SEND
I bait Brian, which I love (and a grammar-tinker)

Sorry to detract my comments from you
Got caught up with Anya's reveal
I thank you for telling me about how you live
And how Hazel e she does feel

Hazel,
Thank you for this poem as I now have the most personal portrait of you. I read it perched on the arm of my sofa, but when I reached the last four lines I nearly fell off with strangulated suspense. The line, ¨let spiders keep their webs ¨sums up my partner when blitzing the sitting room. I so enjoyed this and thank you again.
Keith