Back In The Land of Fredness

Ah to wake up back inside my life on my first cancer-free day. I know people think you might jump up in joy, but when I was told yesterday, all I could do was hang my head and cry in gratitude–the immensity of having gone through the past four years having cancer twice and chemo three times, all those needles and scans and blood draws and feeding tubes sticking out o0f me, a catheter in my penis, a breathing tube in my nose, wearing my jeans to bed every night so I wouldn’t mess the bed again, the burning in my feet from homeopathy, the tie I blacked out and almost broke my neck, stumbling over my two-numbed feet and falling on the sidewalk, the back pain, the nausea and dizziness, the removal of 50 percent of my esophagus, dropping over 60 pounds, shivering in the middle of the day…the enormity of that,is like crawling out of a cave-in, and I’m looking at the hole in the mountain of struggle, and its filled with syringes, bandages, prescription pads, medicine bottle, and I escaped it, on my knees in tears, exhausted and emerging from the battle, weary

…and then..
I think of all of you people who heloped me in so many ways, and that is the power of life’s spirit, and how I have benefited and become better at every day because of that support and love, and to find myself back in this life, to be back in this life, to be back in the world with the ability to still have hope to dream beyond it but to be happy for every imperfect embrace I reach out to grasp each approaching second, with the chance to live a dream with others beyond the battle-scorched land I have staggered, battered, bruised, but stronger and more determined to work at being funny, surfing, fighting for the little guy, searchi9g for the scabbard of fighting the right fight, and bending over with an extended hand to help others up,and to live up to the challenge of walking on the untouched land and vowing to live up to the World of My Heroes.