Is this f**ed up or what.

I have been self harming since I was around 11, but a few years ago my friend told me that shed started doing it aswell.
I used to carry a blade around underneath a sticker on my phone, and we were both drunk at a party and she told me to cut her.
This is going to sound insane, but I have sort of a fetish when it comes to cutting people, maybe its to make myself seem less fucked up because I do it.
But well, I did. And she was bleeding so much.
She still has the scars, and I feel terrible about it.
This is more of a vent than anything, Im just wondering if anyone else has done the same thing or had the same urges or theyre friend asking you to do it for them.

And also, i dont think the statement 'cutting doesnt even hurt that much' is correct, its different for lots of people. My best friend said when she cut it didnt hurt that much, another friend said it hurt.
For me, it does hurt, everyones different.

I've never done it / had it done to me or others. Nobody even knows I SI in RL.

I've thought about it a lot and had a really trippy dream once about it. Like, I think it carries an emotional weight to it. Like for me, it's something that medicates me, and eases pain. And I think when I put that into the hands of someone I care about or am close to, it would probably feel a little bit better than doing it alone. Just like connecting with another person, just really different.

Yepp, me and my best friend were drunk as hell and had taken a fair amount of valium (not as a sui attempt, just to try to numb ourselves) we broke a wine bottle we'd just finished and cut each others palms, kinda a blood siblings thing because we were both going through similar hells and we were drunk enough to not care. Since I have felt awful because he's shown me small cuts he's made himself, he'd never even considered cutting before that night and now he occasionally does aswell as regularly OD'ing. Never a good idea.....