Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

What I hate...

I hate when people think I'm faking this illness. If you haven'tmy introduction in the "Off-topics" section of this group, I have dysthymic and schizoid personality disorder. Dysthymic disorder, or dysthymia as it's also called, is depression lasting month or, as in my case, years with the occasional period of major depression. As for schizoid personality disorder, I'll quote the Mayo Clinic,

"Schizoid personality disorder is a condition in which people avoid social activities and consistently shy away from interaction with others. People with the disorder are generally loners with a profound inability to connect with others and form personal relationships.To others, people with schizoid personality disorder may appear aloof, dull or humorless, and they are often ignored in social settings. People with the disorder show a flattened or restricted range of emotions, and can appear indifferent to what's going on around them. However, their inner life can be rife with a deep emotional need, sensitivity and confusion about the world around them."
Schizoid Personality Disorder

I tend to mention my dysthymia, but very rarely my schiziod disorder and by the name you can tell why. The media has totally distorted what schizophrenia is and by the similar name I know people will confuse the two disorders. However, the media has also distorted depression and thus dysthymia indirectly. People think I can be talked out of the depression, my schizoid disorder prevent this, or that I can just take a pill and everything will be alright. The medical profession is not even certain of the causes of major depression, let alone dysthymia. Since schizoid personality disorder is rare, most therapists don't know how to treat it. I tend to develop resistance to medications, be it codeine or Zoloft.

So, where does that leave me? Currently, I'm sitting alone at home in front of my computer. I'm thinking of going out to eat and maybe a movie, both alone. Cinema is one of my few pleasures and tactics. Tactics, you ask? Well, when a situation requires a emotional response that I know I don't or can't feel, I either think of a cinematic scene or song that affected me and use that to stimulate a response. The last film I enojyed was "Hellboy II." As for home, I tewnd to watch tv series on DVD, scuh as "Stargate SG-1" and "Babylon 5," wishing I had as much strength as the characters did, friends, etc. As for eating, it's the buffet for me. I suffer from ageusia, so it's the quantity, not quality as long as it's not some weird combination or spoiled, that soothes me. You can give me habreno peppers and I would not be aware of them except for the biological response. They might as well be bell peppers.

As for my other situations, I'm currently unemployed. I've applied here and there, but have received no responses. I guess I'm overqualified. It's not that I expect to get a job even with a response as I'm not very good at interviews. Even if I was hired, I wouldn't be very good at the job. If the company wants mediocre, I'm their man; if they want a go-getter or excellence, they best look elsewhere. I just want a job that pays enough to covers my bills and the occasional DVD and as little interaction with people as possible. Unfortunately, everything is teamwork, teamwork, teamwork nowadays. Just give me my assignment, let me do it and that's it. If I want to be part of a team, I'll join a bowling league or enlist in the Army.

I'm sorry if this went off-track. I actually could go into more detail, but I don't want to bore you any further. So, that's all for now.

We are laymen, .. uneducated, untrained. Thank you for the enlightenment. We have little more to offer except unqualified opinions based on ignorance (most of the time). I sympathize with you and wish/hope I can help you somehow. So that you are not misunderstood by any one of us, is there a category/group for people with your particular disability? If not, you might want to start one. Your condition, as described, may be completely misunderstood and you may be INADVERTANTLY hurt by some people's attempt to help. I certainly hope not. If I can help in any way, I will. Message me if you wish, anytime.

I hate myself and I have for a while now. I'm having a mental breakdown right now and really need help.

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