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Month: April 2016

You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.

The things you own end up owning you.

It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.

Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don’t you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can’t think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you’re supposed to read? Do you think every thing you’re supposed to think? Buy what you’re told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned

I wasn’t always like this. At some point I was a jolly good fellow and I used to read a lot, watched and played football intensely and I had people around me who cared. I don’t know how and when, but so much changed. I became less of myself.

I don’t remember spending too much time alone as much as I do right now. Having a bottle of rum by my side all the time would better reflect what I feel like right now. I’m always lonely in a crowd and I get lost in thoughts so easily. These thoughts aren’t those creative ones anymore. It’s more of those what am I doing in life kind of things. Somewhere along the way, I gave up on falling in love and it’s been the worst thing that’s occurred to me.

The earthquake was one of the worst thing that could ever happen. I must have become resilient and not in a good way. I used to shed tears so easily. Now I’ve become a stone hearted person. I can listen to sad stories and not cry. I cannot feel as strongly for other people as I used to before. This is not me. This is not the mamas little boy who was soft hearted. Forgetting how to love came to me when I realised that the world was cruel and when I thought there’s no point in regretting. As for me, I’m an emotional person and I am only as good until I have my strong emotional side with me. I grew up too early. I should go back to become the immature child I used to be, because that boy had a big heart.

I tried to hard to change myself, something which I might have needed in the grave circumstances, but I don’t need that anymore. I lost my calm and lost control of myself. I became one of those ordinary men who just went along with life. My life does not have to be this way. I’ve been so heartbroken before and now I don’t want to be in love when I know that love is all I need. When did I stop reading? When did I stop listening to The Beatles? When did I stop watching football? When did I stop gaming? Why did I grow up? Why was life so mean to me? I like someone and I think it’s a disaster because loving someone used to be a lot different before. I used to wish, I used to dream, I had fantasies which I do not have anymore more. Maybe she’s gonna help me change. Maybe.

I always overthought my way into trouble. It’s done me more harm than good at all. I cross my fingers so I can learn to trust my instincts and intuition. I hope I do the right things. I hope I don’t make bigger mistakes. I hope I can realise who I am and learn to live and love again.

It’s been a month now that I’ve been working for WAVE and I can finally call myself a writer. My other blog is doing okay and now I’m curious about what I’m actually planning to do for the rest of my life.

I didn’t want to call myself a journalist, but now I am a journalist. I wanted to one of those guys who would bring forward his new philosophy, but I’m afraid I’m too confused about it myself. The best thing, for now, would be to meet new people and hear their stories. They’re interesting, heartbreaking and always unexpected.

Perhaps it will take some time for me to start a youth revolution, but that’s my aim in life, to lead the country with youths who care about more than money and power. This year won’t be as horrible as the past two years of my life. The secret to my writing is misery and dissatisfaction. Now I’m totally satisfied with my life because I’ve met people with many horrible stories than mine. I was just an adolescent who had everything, but still very unsatisfied. I met real people with real miseries, and that was enough for me to realise how gifted I am. The earthquake didn’t do me any bad at all compared to how unfair it has been to many people. Life is unpredictable.

It’s like someone famous once said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans”. It’s also what Anu dijju said, “It’s about crossing out what you’re not meant for, not ticking what you want to go after”.

I’ve become too lazy these days, but I can’t change the fact that my writings get too long for apparently no reason. Still putting my followers to sleep, I am. Talking like Yoda. Rewatching the Matrix trilogy. It’s a halt and a waste of my good potentials, but I have hope of finding my way. I’ll find the one to change my life and find my inspiration.

Sometimes I think I’m worthless; at other times, I think I’ve got so much to offer. I have a dream and it’s big.

Grand Theft Auto

Just when I thought I was useless, I walked into a cyber to print some documents, only to get me low because of the poor grades in my official document. But then there were these two kids playing GTA Vice City (my favourite childhood game) in an old computer with CRT monitors. This kid calls me and says. “Dai, seaways type gardinus na”. What the kid asked me to do was type SEAWAYS on the computer. I did, and a div popped up on the screen that said, “Cheat Activated”. I felt good for a moment. I was finally put to good use.

Well, that was not the end. These kids asked me if I could take them to a helipad and get a helicopter. It might be a computer game, but yes, I took them to a helipad and stole a Police Maverick (a green VCPD helicopter). I stayed in the cyber for some 5 mins till I printed my document. God only knows what else I could have taught those boys if I’d stayed a little longer. It got me thinking about a lot of things. First of all, I know I’m a good gamer. There may be a lot of other gamers out there who are better than me at the moment, but I know that I was born a gamer. Dude, I started from Wolfenstein and DOOM I was probably 5 years old.

The multiplayer games

I know I’m one of the best FIFA players I’ve seen (big round of applause for the self-compliment, Counter Strike as well) . I started with Warcraft III and now I’m playing DOTA so I know I can coach people to play games. Perhaps if I try hard, I can even be good at chess. One thing I’ve realised all these years after gaming is that its not just for kids and that you get better as you mature cause you can use your off screen understanding and tactics inside the game. For this reason, I do not like single player games which forces you to tap buttons because there is nothing in it. There is everything to learn from strategy and co-op games. I don’t mind if the schools curriculum puts gaming as one of their subjects, because besides being fun, its also meaningful and helps develop a chemistry and creating tactics.

DOTA has to be one of the most tactical games there is. Right now I’m playing DOTA with noobs but I know that there is so much the game offers. You analyse the scenarios, find your opponents weakness, find your strengths and act upon. Besides executing the plan, there is everything in it from free roaming to doing crazy stuff that can make headlines. Gaming is the real deal for brain development. Hours of playing computer games isn’t time wastage. I started playing DOTA some 3 years ago and after some gap I’m back to playing it and I see I have improved, and it has nothing to do with watching tutorials on YouTube. You simply mature.

If you’re playing online, theres going to be whiners that’ll call you a noob and what not. Even if you yourself are playing bad, theres no need for you to be harassed by someone on the internet. Some people are just like that; get frustrated easily. What you need to know is that you can always learn how to play computer games and have fun. One of the best things to do is get online with a bunch of friends and play DOTA online all night. I’ve don’t that plenty of times you know, and it’s worth sacrificing your sleep.

Do something about technology

Heres one more thing I learned, that what you see around you is not your world. I went to a college that demanded you code and program a working software in order for you to pass college which I did. Honestly, I was pathetic at it and whatever I did wasn’t unto scratch and I’m glad I actually passed. But what I see is not whats all around. I can still teach a lot of people computer and I can always improve my computer skills. I know how to code, which many people still don’t know how to do and it is something essential for the net generation of people. I know I can teach a lot of people a lot of things. I can create a decent website for myself. Well, I know that change can come from me and that maybe I shouldn’t burn the bridges to the IT world. Those kids in the cyber could say the words and not type SEAWAYS. Typing that cheat code is programming. I’ve been programming since forever. Woohoo.

This world is wonderful and there’s a lot I can do. Guess the digital world needs me. Perhaps you can find me in one of those cyber cafes someday playing intense DOTA. If you know how to create a website, teach that to someone all right. Be cool. Coding is the 21st century driving.