taking on medical school, an eating disorder, and life. all in good time.

Vegan again?

Once again I am contemplating veganism. But in a different manner. I truly do want to be vegan and part of me wants to do that now, but there’s a catch. I don’t want to be vegan for my eating disorder and for that reason I want to put off a switch to veganism. Surprised? It surprised me too actually.

First, why do I truly want to be vegan?

Environment–raising meat is hard on the environment. Particularly the way it is done for cheap, easy-to-get meat. In addition to adding more carbon to the atmosphere, livestock themselves can be very hard on the environment. Cattle ruin creeks, trample ground, can eat/destroy natural plants.

Animals–I grew up on a farm and for years and years I thought animals were treated well because I thought all meat, dairy, etc was raised the way my parents did it. That is very wrong. My family treated the animals well, didn’t use unnecessary antibiotics/additives/growth hormones, and fed them grain we grew (no animal byproducts). This is a rarity and probably is only done by a handful of small family or organic farms. Other than eating only eggs/dairy/meat that came from my parents of other “approved” farms there is no way to guarantee that the animals were properly treated.

Health–A vegan diet (done properly) is one of-if not the most-healthy diet possible.

Other benefits–being vegan requires planning and more meal preparation. So there are some side benefits of having fewer processed foods and more home-cooked and whole foods. I also really like cooking and baking and being involved in food preparation. It’s almost a “spiritual” thing to me: to take simple, basic ingredients and through my work create something delicious and wholesome. These benefits of course aren’t exclusive to a vegan diet which is why I consider them to be more “fringe” benefits.

Why don’t I want to be vegan now?

Abusing it–I don’t want veganism to be an excuse to restrict my food. And while I wouldn’t switch to veganism with that intent I am of the mindset now that I would want to abuse it and use it as an excuse to avoid foods and restrict. And abusing it now means I would probably spend the rest of my life overcoming that.

Judgement–along the same lines. Anyone who knows me now would assume my switch to a vegan diet is from the eating disorder and then I would abuse it, confirm those judgements and assumptions, and ruin my chances of properly being vegan when I am healthy.

My reasoning laid out. I’m not sure what the next step is though. In some ways I think that being vegan and the connection with food etc could help me have a healthier relationship with it. But that is a very large risk. On the other hand part of my thinking in avoiding a vegan diet is that I can stay sick for the time without ruining my chances to be properly/healthfully vegan later.