1 depressed baby girl

I am heavily diapered and surrounded by my teddies and stuffies. My paci is in the drawer right by me,less than an arms length away...BUT I feel SO sad. Tears are literally just flowing. Literally wishing that I could go to sleep and not wake up. NOT SUICIDAL, NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME GO TO SLEEP FOREVER!!! Just kind of don't want to exist anymore. I feel EXTREMELY embarrassed for wanting this... The diaper and paci. EVERYBODY knows I am a stuffed animal and teddy bear lover! And just accepts it. But I feel SOOOOO dumb that I want the diaper and paci. And to go without I feel besides myself worse. I went 2 years without this strong of feelings to be a baby!! I just hate me!!!! ;( ;( ;( REAL tears!!!!

Though it's horrible to feel so unhappy, you're certainly not alone in being an ABDL who experiences guilt. It's a fairly natural reaction to find yourself feeling 'wrong' about acting in ways which society tends to consider different. However, sometimes we're the harshest critics of ourselves, and project a sense of shame onto ourselves when there's no legitimate reason to feel ashamed or even 'dumb' because you want to wear a diaper and suck on your paci.

Though everyone's experience of ABDL is personal and unique, I (and many others) know the sensations and emotions you're describing right now. I didn't suffer particularly with deep-seated guilt over liking AB/Little behaviours and activities, but I did feel a sense of frustration and 'dumbness', as if I was wasting my intellectual credentials and the privileges of adulthood by dressing like a toddler and playing with toys designed for people at a very early development stage. It took me a long time to realise that being happy was more important than being typical, but it was a realisation which did me a huge amount of good.

I doubt that you went 2 whole years without wanting to be a baby - even if you weren't aware of the conscious thought. This is a desire which (for most of us) stays with us through life, and the extreme sadness you're describing now might well be a symptom of the flood of emotions which come through once you've made space in your life for a desire you've been repressing - in this case, the desire to act like a baby.

The thing is though, you're not doing anything wrong. Being ABDL isn't something which harms other people, isn't directly harmful to yourself (in the way which, say, substance abuse is) and doesn't make you a bad individual. What we do as ABs/Littles is definitely unusual, and in a purely logical sense, acting like a little is counterproductive to being an *adult (*in the most rigid sense of the word)

However, that doesn't make ABDL a bad thing, as long as it works for you. If a diaper makes you feel comforted or physically 'stimulated', wear one. If cuddling your plushies makes you feel cosy and happy, do it. If sucking on a paci helps you get into a relaxed place, go ahead and pop one in. At the end of the day, what matters is your happiness, and as long as you're doing things you enjoy, and appreciating that they don't cause anyone harm, then indulging your Little Side can only be a good thing.

Three days ago it was great for you: https://www.adisc.org/forum/showthre...t-feels-SOOOOO. I don't reference this to throw it in your face but to remind you that very recently you were looking at this very differently. I'm biased in thinking that the attitude in the previous thread is the better one but it seems pretty harmless to me overall. You went two years without the desire but it still came back. It seems like it always comes back for us. Even if it didn't, wouldn't it be better to accept it as a part of you for the time that it was important and then move on? The more you're willing to accept your own harmless quirks, the happier you will be.

I'm so sorry that you feel this way and I hope that it passes soon. The other posters hit it on the head, I just wanted to offer my support too.

There is nothing wrong with you and there is no reason to feel ashamed or bad for enjoying the things that make you feel comfortable and happy.

In the end it all comes down to you and your happiness and I think it's much healthier and sustainable to find happiness in a diaper, paci and teddy then at the bottom of a bottle or the end of a pipe like so many do,

This doesn't make you less than, different or wrong it just makes you unique and as you can see you are surrounded by people, albeit online who understand your feels, send you their loves and genuinely care about you finding your safe place. (if we didn't we wouldn't respond at all)

I hope you find the strength to be happy in who you are but I wanted you to know that you are not alone and you have all the kindness and understanding and support right here.

I am heavily diapered and surrounded by my teddies and stuffies. My paci is in the drawer right by me,less than an arms length away...BUT I feel SO sad. Tears are literally just flowing. Literally wishing that I could go to sleep and not wake up. NOT SUICIDAL, NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME GO TO SLEEP FOREVER!!! Just kind of don't want to exist anymore. I feel EXTREMELY embarrassed for wanting this... The diaper and paci. EVERYBODY knows I am a stuffed animal and teddy bear lover! And just accepts it. But I feel SOOOOO dumb that I want the diaper and paci. And to go without I feel besides myself worse. I went 2 years without this strong of feelings to be a baby!! I just hate me!!!! ;( ;( ;( REAL tears!!!!

I am going to ask you a question. How does doing these things hurt anyone including yourself? I think we both know the answer is no one. So do what you want to do in the privacy of whatever residence your in. Your alright and I hope you sleep diapered with your pacifier with your teddies tonight(and most nights as well after this one is over!) because you sound like you need it.

I am not going to even say that you should not be ashamed of this because I am going to do even better! Your a human being and because of that your going to be respected as such because you deserve better then these negative feelings. Now I am going to respectively request permission of you to go look yourself in the eye in a mirror and tell yourself that you should not be ashamed for liking diapers until this truthful fact sinks in? I think that will help.

In fact I think there are more then a few people here listening to me saying this so I am going to ask everyone if they think encouraging this wonderful little teddybearbaby if she should look herself in the eye in a mirror and tell herself this while we cheer her on!?

I'm going to second what's been said here. Everyone has coping mechanisms to the many stresses we must endure. Look at the harmful ones, like alcohol, drugs, buying and overspending on things unneeded. Some are better methods such as exercise or various hobbies. Having an attraction to diapers and things related to babies probably falls under psychological anomalies, but it's also a coping mechanism. Feeling guilty because of it only makes you unhappy, and at the end of the day, you've harmed no one, not even yourself.

I keep my desires to myself, and my wife. She's supportive and doesn't mind at all. If it doesn't bother her, why should it bother me. More so then, why should it bother you. It's weird, yes, but there are not only stranger things out there, but harmful and dangerous quirks as well. You should be glad that enjoying diapers is passive, peaceful and harmless.

I am heavily diapered and surrounded by my teddies and stuffies. My paci is in the drawer right by me,less than an arms length away...BUT I feel SO sad. Tears are literally just flowing. Literally wishing that I could go to sleep and not wake up. NOT SUICIDAL, NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME GO TO SLEEP FOREVER!!! Just kind of don't want to exist anymore. I feel EXTREMELY embarrassed for wanting this... The diaper and paci. EVERYBODY knows I am a stuffed animal and teddy bear lover! And just accepts it. But I feel SOOOOO dumb that I want the diaper and paci. And to go without I feel besides myself worse. I went 2 years without this strong of feelings to be a baby!! I just hate me!!!! ;( ;( ;( REAL tears!!!!

I wonder too, teddybearbaby85...

If you aren't on the cusp of a binge-to-purge cycle...

So many of your recent posts such as this one... might suggest just that...

Sometimes, when we give advice and encouragement to others... we may be subconsciously reaching to assure ourselves at least as much... and that doesn't mean that your advice and support are disingenuous, or even incorrect... it just means there may be more behind your own words, than what you may have been prepared to see...

A spree of recent special purchases, or acquisitions, submersing and singing the praises of joy in these proclivities, and an excessive preoccupation... can be somewhat counter-intuitively a warning sign... an eye of the storm... The timing of your recent exuberance and this rather drastic turn here... seems to suggest that to me... especially after a previous 2-year hiatus from this...

I think that it would be in your best interest to seek a happy-medium, so as to not experience this giant rubber-band snap again... we should have scores of threads/posts, and perhaps an article... on the binge/purge cycle, and the destruction goes beyond the loss of goodies... the all or nothing approach, by countless accounts here... is a fool's mission...

So, rather than using your AB'ism as a barrier to the world... incorporate it instead, as tools of coping and reprieve...

As a house... it is nothing more than straw... beware the wolf...

As a part of you... it is a unique and special gift... and it makes you that much more unique and special too...

Get some rest, refrain from rash actions... take a breath... and live, and it will get better...

We'll do what we can to help!

-Marka

Last edited by Marka; 20-Nov-2014 at 01:19.
Reason: Added link to article

Thank you, everyone. I am feeling blessed to have y'all to turn to. Truly.
I drank a 4oz baba, have a fresh dry diaper on and I am going to try to cuddle my teddy and Bowwow and get some sleep. I will also keep my paci handy. Still feeling down but much better than before and that is thanks to y'all. I hope I can help y'all if one of you ever need cheering up,encouragement,support or just a hug. Truly thanks and God Bless.
Stay up to date on this post if you wanna as I will be posting updates! XOXOXO.

Literally wishing that I could go to sleep and not wake up.
...
I feel EXTREMELY embarrassed for wanting this
...
But I feel SOOOOO dumb that I want the diaper
...
I went 2 years without this strong of feelings to be a baby!!
...
REAL tears!!!!

I've been there with these exact feelings and I'm sure others here have too. I should be able to PM with a few more posts. If you want to discuss your feelings or ask about mine then go ahead.

I would encourage you not to purge but to put your stuff in a box or hide them or something if you feel the need instead of chucking them.