(Closed) VENT : can't believe how much attending a friend's wedding will cost!!

FI and I are planning our own wedding, but we have never actually attended one as a couple (we have both only been to weddings as kids). So we have never had to shell out the cash to actually attend a friends wedding out of state. But holy moly is it expensive. FI is a groomsman in this wedding, and it’s a month after ours. Here is the breakdown of our costs to attend…

$700 flights to NYC

$400 hotel for 2 nights (note that this is not the blocked hotel..the one they picked is $300 A NIGHT)

$300 rental car and gas (the wedding is out in the burbs..)

$200 tux rental

Thats $1600 without even accounting for incidentals, any food, a gift for the couple….ahh it makes me want to cry a little. Especially with it being so soon after our own wedding. We are considering having FI go without me to bring down the cost a little, but that would be sad. 🙁

@cestvrai: We’re spending $2000 on plane tickets alone to attend a wedding next year in the UK. Hopefully we can find a reasonably priced hotel nearby and thankfully public transportation is good and cheap over there so we won’t need to rent a car. Our gift is our presence at the wedding since it’s costing us so much to attend.

My husband is also a GM so we have discussed only sending him if we can’t afford for both of us to go.

Hmm what burbs? Are you talking upstate, long island, or somewhere else? If it’s on long island you can probably take a train/cab from the airport to the hotel and I’m sure you can find a cheaper hotel. If that’s the case you can PM me.

@cestvrai: 🙁 Yup. I went to a wedding in CA (live in WA) for a friend of mine. Spent over $400 on the hotel, tons of money getting to and from places, airfare… the one and only time I haven’t given a gift at a wedding and I felt SO BAD cause I’d known the groom since 2nd grade. But I just couldn’t afford it after all the travel expenses – any farther than CA and I probably wouldn’t have been able to attend. I will probably get them a gift for their first anniversay that’s coming up.

@cestvrai: oh wow!! Yes I don’t think i would be comfortable spending around $2000 for a friends wedding. They would have to be a mighty good friend lol.

Is there another travel route you could do? Perhaps the train is a little cheaper?

could you carpool with someone from NY to the wedding location? So you don’t have to rent a car? Maybe one of the other groomsman you could split a car with him and his wife and even a room if you really wanted to save money.

Yeah, travel and NYC can get expensive quick! Where are you guys? We went to a wedding in upstate NY a couple summers ago and we drove from Cincinnati to Buffalo the day before, stayed with other guests and then carpooled up to the Adirondack’s that morning for the evening wedding. It was a lot of driving, but it was a hell of a lot cheaper than the plane tickets and a rental car would have been. As for hotels, NYC can be tough to find a cheap one, is there anything cheaper out in the burbs where the wedding is being held? Or maybe share a room with other guests who are looking for a cheaper alternative?

@Soon2BeMrsS: aww that’s totally understandable. I’m sure your friends appreciated you coming more than anything. I’m having a semi destination wedding and am just thrilled that most everyone can attend – I could care less about gifts! 🙂

I hear ya! ALLLL my friends have out of state weddings and I ended up not being able to make most of them this year. I’m not made of money! But my NYC friends also usually don’t throw weddings in NYC as this place is mad expensive.

there’s gotta be some ways you can cut costs. if the wedding is in the burbs, i’m sure there must be cheaper motels around the actual venue? can you fly to a different airport that might be closer? can you take a train as PP suggested or drive? we have a really remote wedding to go to about an 8 hour drive from us but we’re gonna suck it up and do the drive because flights + rental car + hotel will be just too much. there’s gotta be a way to not spend the equivalent of an all inclusive, week long trip!