Friday, October 5, 2012

Review: I've Ben Deader by Adam Sifre

Being a zombie is no
picnic and it's one hell of a handicap in the romance department when
you fall in love with a 'breather': Aleta is a breather with short
blonde hair and brown eyes - two of them! - and the whitest smile Fred
has ever seen. Every day at a certain time she sits at her window, and
every day he stands in the rubble across the street among a crowd of
zombies waiting to break through the fence and eat her. 'You are
beautiful, like an angel', he thinks, but all he can moan is,
“Braaaiiinss." Still, as zombies go, Fred's quite a catch. Underneath
all the gangrene and rot, Fred is different. This girl will probably
turn out to be yet another dead end, an infatuation, someone whose image
he cannot get out of his mind and whose taste he cannot get out of his
mouth, but the heart wants what the heart wants. For breathers, it is
always only a matter of time, however beautiful they are and whatever
the government is assuring people. Which makes Fred sad because he has a
beautiful 11 year old son called Timmy, and Timmy may still be alive.

Okay this review will be in a different format than I am used to writing in, only because I am all over the place with my thoughts, just as the book is all over the place with it's multiple point of views (POVs).

1) I loved the beginning of this book - totally hilarious and so well written. I loved the zombie lingo of the thinkers vs the droolie ghoulies (the two types of zombies - ones that can still think for themselves vs the mindless ones). Also, I loved Fred - a zombie that can still have feelings and think for himself - interesting that he has fallen in love with a breather (a human). He uses a magic 8 ball for advice. Totally had me cracked up. But I thought the entire story was going to be about Fred and his love for Aleta. I was wrong.

2) We are introduced to many POVs and it was almost overwhelming. I got a little lost a few times because of this. Though they all culminate to provide a story that shows how the zombies came to be what they are. The other storyline that I loved was the one with the mailman turned zombie, who still got up and delivered the mail like clockwork.

3) Some of the scenes described in the book are very adult with disturbing scenes and language. I am okay with that, but did not know this going into the stories. So if you like horror then this might work for you.

4) I'd say that if you love a good zombie book, enjoy horror stories or are just up for trying something new then give this book a shot.

Chapter 1 Excerpt

Commute

Fred's
ruined face stared back at him from a fractured, mold spotted mirror.
The remains of breakfast pooled around his feet and a pair of lace
panties clung to his shoe, glued there by God knew what.

Bits
of flesh were stuck between his yellow teeth, along with the sodden
remains of a hand-wash-only label. There was no denying that he'd
seen better days.

Being
a zombie is no picnic.

Compelled
to pause and take stock of himself, he wiped his gore stained hands
on a filthy shirt, unsure if he was cleaning the hands or the shirt.
His right eye looked like a crushed egg yolk and his left leg was
broken in two places. A large splinter of bone poked through the
nskin above his thigh, fine dark lines etched across the surface like
a bad piece of scrimshaw. The open wound on his neck had started
leaking again, but at least the fluid was mostly clear now.

No
use dwelling on negatives. Time to get to work. He turned away from
his reflection, and limped out of the men's room of the Vince
Lombardi rest area.

An
overly bright morning sun assaulted him as he stepped outside.

Fred
gave a mental wince, wishing yet again that he could blink.

Sunlight
had no adverse effect on the undead, but he had never been a morning
person. Rain or shine, today he had to shamble over to Terminal C of
Newark Airport, where eight breathers were making their last stand.
Zombies were lone hunters and rarely worked together.

Every
so often, however, a kind of collective broadcast signal went out
over the undead grapevine, announcing the newest brain buffet - in a
shopping mall, a church, or an airport - with predictable and
satisfying results.

Dozens
were already making their way down the New Jersey turnpike. By their
mindless, movie-slow pace, he knew they hadn't fed.

Zombies
weren't Jesse Owens on the best of days, but they tended to move a
lot faster with a little brain in the old furnace.

If
Fred could breathe, he would have sighed. There'd be hundreds of
zombies, all ready to fight over eight brains and assorted bits. The
breathers would probably take out ten to twenty percent of the
attacking hoard before being overwhelmed. That left about ten zombies
per breather. With luck, by the time he got there he would still be
the brainiac of the pack.

Having
his wits about him gave a zombie an edge in the hunt. The effects of
the virus or whatever it was that put the mojo in their mortified
flesh varied from corpse to corpse. Most became textbook droolie
ghoulies, but some could reason and even remember who they were as
breathers. So far Fred hadn't come across any other thinkers, but he
doubted he was the only one.

By
mid-afternoon he found himself enjoying his walk down the turnpike.
Most of the fires had burned themselves out and although the air
still reeked of burning gasoline, the skies were more or less
smoke-free. He might be a walking corpse, but he appreciated a warm
spring day like this one. He pulled his lips up in what should have
been a grin.

Death,
ruin and destruction improved the New Jersey Turnpike.

Not
that there wasn't a black lining to be found around Fred's own little
rainbow of a life. Most of the zombies were a few hundred yardsdown
the road, but two lesser undead doggedly tagged alongside of him,
putting a bit of a damper on things. The virus left them as nothing
more than … well, nothing more than zombies. They were about as
interesting as slugs and moaned so much that, were Fred alive, he'd
be sporting a hell of a migraine.

All
in all, however, the day was turning out quite well. He almost
convinced himself being undead wasn't so bad. Sure, it was bad luck
that he was forty-five years old with a rather large potbelly when he
had been bitten by that damned clerk. Being cursed to wander the
earth in search of brains was bad enough, but why couldn't it have
happened when he was twenty years younger and thirty pounds lighter?

He
was imagining wandering the earth in search of fresh brains as a
slimmer, sleeker and younger Fred, when the head of the zombie on his
left exploded.

Shit!

About the author:

Lawyer,
Writer, Zombie Man

I
have no real interest in anything and therefore write about
everything. Think of the funniest person you know. I'm just a little
bit funnier. Same goes for humble and good looking. Stick around.
We'll have some fun.

Thank you for stopping by Snowdrop Dreams. You will mostly find book reviews, challenges, memes, blog tours and giveaways. I've been slowly updating my blog to be more about everything in my life instead of just books, as reading and reviewing is only a portion of who I am.

Disclosure:

The books reviewed on this blog have been purchased by myself, borrowed from library, gifted by family/friends or were supplied for honest review. I do not receive compensation of any kind for my reviews. I do however receive a tiny portion of the purchase price when you click the links that I am affiliated with: Amazon, Chapters, & The Book Depository. These funds help to support giveaways on this blog. Also, there are Adsense ads on my bog that generate a small amount of income.