22 September 2013

Media Monitoring Unit To Close

The Tripe Marketing Board has announced the closure of its Media Monitoring Unit, following what TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle called "a perfect storm" on Twitter, Facebook and in the press.

The move comes after TMB staff were forced to respond to hundreds of tweets and other references to tripe following tonight's broadcast on ITV of the new series of Downton Abbey, the earlier appalling performance in the Manchester derby by Ashley Young and the announcement from Sunderland AFC that they had parted company with their head coach, Paulo Di Canio.

Sir Norman, speaking at a hastily-convened press conference in Lytham St Annes tonight, said: "Our Media Monitoring Unit has done sterling work rebutting inappropriate uses of the word tripe over the last few months. But today has shown we simply haven't got the resources to fight back."

At one point, TMB staff were responding to over 300 references to tripe per hour as TV viewers and football fans took to the internet to vent their spleen on the rubbish they had been watching. Two interns collapsed from exhaustion and a volunteer who had worked in the Unit since retiring as a tripe dresser walked out.

"I have ordered an immediate review of our media monitoring strategy and will be writing to both ITV and Mr David Moyes to express my disgust that our fine product has once again been maligned by association," Sir Norman said.