cats can’t reupholster because they have no thumbs…but I do!

Let me introduce you to the place I sit and eat. (Disclaimer: If you are offended by animals at the dinner table, then I would never read my blog again.) This is my seat. That is my cat in my seat. This is an often occurrence. When I am ready to sit down, she normally moves into the other chair, which we call, “her seat”. Anyways. On to the disaster story of the day…

My mom gave me this table and chair set, which is a very well-made set. But I am sorry mom, the cushions were not my style. Perfect opportunity for a crafting disaster project! I took myself to the fabric store and picked out the one that made me the most dizzy. I have no clue how I measured for the perfect amount of fabric, that normally doesn’t work out in my favor.

Luckily, Joe’s mom came over that night and helped me with a plan to get the fabric nicely onto the cushion. The one she did fit perfectly and looked amazing like an ice cream sundae on a warm caturday afternoon. Now it was my turn to tackle the rest of the chairs…

Backstory: Joe and I had 2 roommates, Frank (who has a sweet mustache) and Amanda (who sings everything she says). Both from Essex, Maryland. When they moved in, Frank said to me “Oh man, Amanda is going to teach you so much Essex language”.

I googled for an example of some “Essex language” so you can get an idea of what I am talking about: “Oh my gawd, Tommy! Dat guy in da South Pole shirt just sed scuse me and shit and I dint move-tryin to walk an shit- an he said it ‘gen and kepp goin”! (Disclaimer #2: I am not trying to offend anyone here, Amanda talks just beautifully, but having this information is going to make the next part of the story give you a chuckle…)

Back to the story…

Amanda is helping me now with “reupholstering” (I don’t know why I put that word in quotes, it’s just such a strange word to me) these chairs. We’re having a crazy old time trying to get the fabric to sit right and this is how the conversation goes:

A:“Pull it taught”

Me:“What?”

A:“Pull it taught!”

Me:“Is that an Essex word?!”

A:“What? No! Pull it, tight!”

Me:“Did you mean to say tight instead?”

A:“No, you’ve never heard the word taught?!”

… there you are people. I was really hoping to learn some “Essex language”, but a “real word” will do.

Overall, our reupholstering project was a success. If you look underneath of the chairs, it definitely looks like a hot mess. But who will be looking under there? Besides the cat of course.

(Disclaimer #3: When I refer to “we” or “our” in a project, it usually means the other person did most of the work.)

To show you that we put this bad boy to use. (Bad boy meaning the table and chairs) Here is what I ate last night, this is something I actually know how to make:

(Oh boy, I need better photography skills. At least I caught the cat in the background.)

Pasta noodles (that I never cook all the way), tomato basil sauce (that I spilled all over myself), left over chicken, and a bag of frozen stir-fry veggies (that I put in the microwave). Yes I eat it out of the pot, why waste another dish?