13 Questions Left Unanswered By ‘How I Met Your Mother’

“How I Met Your Mother” took its final bow last night after nine seasons on air, finally showing us the scene where Ted met the titular mother — and so much more. Though we learned the fate of the gang a few years down the line, some more satisfied with their lives than others, we still have a few burning questions remaining.

Namely: Where did Ted get that damn pineapple? Below, our 13 remaining questions.

1. What Disease Did The Mother Have?

Wait, so suddenly the mother has a terminal illness? One that lets her retain her radiant beauty while facing her last days in a hospital bed?

I’m sorry, “How I Met Your Mother,” for a show replete with elaborate theories about all facets of life (craziness versus hotness, why we have the three-day rule, nothing good ever happens after 2 a.m.), you half-baked that plot pie.

2. What Happened To The Old Lady At The Bus Stop?
She was going to sing at your wedding, Ted! Did you forget your single-serving friend so rapidly? Whatever, maybe she’ll croon when you marry Robin.

3. Who Is #31?
She popped out a baby that Barney has apparently devoted his life to and we still don’t know who she is? Here’s hoping it’s Abby.

4. Did The Mother’s Band Ever Make It?

Darren has been eradicated. There’s nothing standing in her way. Did her musical dreams ever come to fruition? Please say that she got to experience some joy before being cruelly murdered and buried under Ted’s floorboards. I mean… before she got sick.

5. Does Barney Just Die Alone?

OK, so he has a daughter now. Cool. And he’s (kind of) reformed. Awesome. But does Barney really just remain single forever, plodding along the road to death while his ex-wife gets with his best friend? Here’s hoping he gets a spinoff, “Joey”-style, so that we can at least witness the decline.

6. Why Didn’t Future Ted Speak With Bob Saget’s Voice?
In the end, when we see Ted wrapping up the lengthy yarn, actor Josh Radnor speaks with his own voice, while Bob Saget has been narrating as Future Ted all along. What? Why even cast Saget in the first place?

Perhaps we have some kind of multiverse situation here and there’s a world somewhere in which everything is not a tragic tangle.

7. Why Did Ted And Tracy Wait So Long To Get Married?

Dude is obsessed with marriage. I guess his patience while having kids is supposed to be a sign of his mounting maturity, but then he shows up at Robin’s house in the middle of the night with the blue French horn, so that’s basically a moot point.

8. Where’s The Mother’s Doppelganger?
No wonder she died. She was never really part of the gang, anyway.

9. What Does Lily Do With Herself, And What Happened To Ted’s Job?
Marshall is a corporate lawyer-cum-judge, Barney is Barney, Robin is famous…what did Lily do with herself post-Rome? Come to think of it, Ted ditched the Chicago job based on literally 10 minutes with Tracy at Robin and Barney’s wedding — way to network, guy.

10. Did Marshall Get The Security Deposit Back?

Lily and Marshall moved to the ‘burbs for more space for their three (!!) kids, but where? Long Island? Gasp — New Jersey? And, more importantly, did Marshall have to pay the price for the collateral damage inflicted during those long-ago sword fights? And do Ted and Marshall have joint sword custody?

11. Why Did The Mother Leave Mid-Wedding?
Wait, if Ted was sitting out in the rain because he was leaving mid-reception (by the way, so uncool, man), then what was Tracy, a.k.a. the bassist for the band being paid to perform at the wedding, doing out there too? You know she’s getting a star taken off on WeddingWire for that one.

12. Where Did Ted Get That Pineapple?

Guys. Guys. We still don’t know what happened to make Ted wake up with a pineapple and Winnie Cooper that one time. (Well, we know about Winnie.) The gang apparently holds the keys to the Pineapple Incident, but it’s never revealed to Ted or the audience.

13. Who Is Ted’s Soulmate?
This is the biggie: Ted’s a soulmate guy. Hopelessly romantic Ted believes in The One. We agree with his kids when they say that this wasn’t really the legen-waitforit-dary story of how he met a woman who went unnamed until the last few minutes of the show’s ninth season, but in the larger scheme of Ted’s existence, who is the love of his life? Was he biding his time with Tracy, or was Robin his second choice? We don’t like to put labels on things, but Ted certainly does, and this is a biggie for the show’s philosophy.