Advice Goddess Bloghttp://www.advicegoddess.com/
enCopyright 2017Wed, 13 Dec 2017 05:53:53 -0800http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rssThe Incredibly Ugly Answer To Being Too Lazy, Untalented, And/Or Unclever To Become Wealthy And SuccessfulThe Incredibly Ugly Answer To Being Too Lazy, Untalented, And/Or Unclever To Become Wealthy And Successful
Just a suspicion on my part, but I'd guess that's where a tweet like this one is really coming from:

Maybe if the people of Bel-Air opened their enormous and outrageously expensive homes to the homeless or helped the homeless in their community their houses wouldn't have burned down. Just a thought. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Homeless people are sometimes mentally ill or meth users. Is the average little old widow really equipped to provide homeless services?
Of course, plenty of wealthy people are benevolent. Not all are. But that is absolutely their choice.
Because I think of what's effective, I would suggest that those who want wealthy people to be charitable persuade them -- as I did in my TED talk, "The surprising self-interest in being kind to strangers" -- that it's in their self-interest: that their lives will be more meaningful and they'll thus be more at peace and even happier if they extend themselves for others.
In case you didn't read the story that provoked this dude's tweet:

Does he take in the homeless to sleep on his couch? Because, as economist Robert Frank points out, wealth is relative. If you have a roof and a couch, you have more than the homeless guy outside 7-Eleven. Even if you just have a roof and a rug, you've got more.
Hey, @filmmichaelcOX, let us know when you'll be passing on a spare set of keys to that dude who makes his "home" by the 7-Eleven trash can.
via @overlawyered]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/13/_incredibly_ugl.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/13/_incredibly_ugl.htmlWed, 13 Dec 2017 05:53:53 -0800LinkcycleLinkcycle
Pedal to the metal.]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/13/linkcycle.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/13/linkcycle.htmlWed, 13 Dec 2017 02:47:33 -0800The Problem With "Believe Women!"The Problem With "Believe Women!"
I don't "believe women!" -- nor do I simply "believe" any person who accuses another of a crime.
What I believe is that we need to look for evidence that a crime has been committed, and if it is not there or substantial enough -- or it's been lost or mishandled -- the accused must be set free.
This sometimes means guilty people will get away with their crimes. But it is essential that we not punish the innocent -- stealing decades of a person's life from them and locking them in a cage.
In 2015, the AP reports that this is what happened to a man named Clarence Moses-EL -- all the way back in 1988:
Clarence Moses-EL was convicted in 1988 and sentenced to 48 years in prison for raping and assaulting a woman when she returned home from a night of drinking. When police initially asked who attacked her, she named the man who later confessed.
More than a day after the assault, while in the hospital, the woman identified Moses-EL as her attacker, saying his face came to her in a dream.
Moses-EL has long claimed he was innocent. But his efforts to appeal his conviction were unsuccessful, in part because Denver police threw away DNA evidence from the attack. Police destroyed body swabs and the victim's clothing despite a judge's order to preserve it for testing that could have confirmed Moses-EL's guilt or innocence.
The case inspired legislation requiring the preservation of DNA evidence in major felony cases for a defendant's lifetime. Lawmakers also took the rare step of sponsoring a bill ordering a new trial for Moses-EL, but it was scrapped after then-Gov. Bill Ritter, a former prosecutor, threatened to veto it.
His break came in December 2013 when another man, L.C. Jackson, sent him a letter in prison saying he couldn't believe Moses-EL was accused of raping the woman because he 'had sex' with her at the same time that night.
'I really don't know what to say to you, but let's start by bringing what was done in the dark into the light,' Jackson wrote, according to court documents. 'I have a lot on my heart.'
The letter led to a hearing in July, where Jackson testified that he became angry during sex with the woman and hit her in the face. The woman told police that she was lying down to sleep when a man put his hands around her neck and raped her.
Believe women?
Believe in standards of evidence.
In November, 2016, Noelle Phillips writes in the Denver Post:

As a Denver judge read the words "not guilty" Monday afternoon, Clarence Moses-EL tapped his fist to his mouth, as if suppressing the urge to shout for joy inside the somber courtroom.
For 29 years, Moses-EL had insisted he did not rape and beat a neighbor in 1987. After 28 years in prison, two trials, lost DNA evidence and an accuser who identified him in a dream, he was vindicated.
"It's over!" someone yelled as Moses-EL walked out of a courtroom at Denver's Lindsey-Flanigan courthouse, where about a dozen supporters cheered and applauded.
The not guilty verdict on charges of first-degree sexual assault, second-degree assault and second-degree burglary ended a long, painful saga for Moses-EL. But it also left a 29-year-old rape unsolved and a victim who will not see justice.

It isn't just in these criminal rape cases that we're supposed to just "believe"; as media reporter Eric Wemple puts it in the WaPo:

Now comes the cryptic story of Ryan Lizza's defenestration as a staff writer at the New Yorker, where he served as Washington correspondent starting in 2007. A statement from the magazine reads like this: "The New Yorker recently learned that Ryan Lizza engaged in what we believe was improper sexual conduct. We have reviewed the matter and, as a result, have severed ties with Lizza. Due to a request for privacy, we are not commenting further."

More:

Lizza rejected his employer's conclusions: "I am dismayed that The New Yorker has decided to characterize a respectful relationship with a woman I dated as somehow inappropriate. The New Yorker was unable to cite any company policy that was violated. I am sorry to my friends, workplace colleagues, and loved ones for any embarrassment this episode may cause. I love The New Yorker, my home for the last decade, and I have the highest regard for the people who work there. But this decision, which was made hastily and without a full investigation of the relevant facts, was a terrible mistake."

I don't know Lizza and we have no idea who the woman is.
Why should we "believe" anyone?
And what's with these news outlets just expecting us to take for granted that whatever accusation is being made is for real?
Wemple feels differently:

The New Yorker is a magazine that occupies an exalted position in the public trust. It publishes stories on matters of tremendous consequence, and Lizza has been a big part of that mission. If the New Yorker botches any of those stories, it owes the public a full explanation with appropriate corrections and so on. If, on the other hand, it determines that a particular personnel action is appropriate after an internal investigation, it owes the public very little -- which is precisely what it has given us.

]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/11/sex_and_violenc.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/11/sex_and_violenc.htmlMon, 11 Dec 2017 11:46:22 -0800Advice Goddess Free SwimAdvice Goddess Free Swim
It's Sunday night, and I'm pretty wiped out.
You pick the topics. I'll try to post a piece in the morning.
P.S. One link per comment or my spam filter will eat your post.]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/11/advice_goddess_232.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/11/advice_goddess_232.htmlMon, 11 Dec 2017 05:10:35 -0800Ridiculous Crapthink: "Eek, We're About To Become Lesotho, Where Girls Aren't Even Safe At The Grocery Store"Ridiculous Crapthink: "Eek, We're About To Become Lesotho, Where Girls Aren't Even Safe At The Grocery Store"
Absolutely silly op-ed in the LA Times. In America, a few extremely powerful men in show biz and politics got away with sexual harassment and worse -- and we get compared with Lesotho.
The headline of the Ashley Harrell piece:

What happens when society ignores sexual assault? You get Lesotho, where girls aren't even safe at the grocery store

Oh, please. Africa is a violent, backward, and lawless place, to a great extent.
Harrell writes:

I spent three weeks in the country, dodging unwanted advances and hearing stories of frequent, unpunished sexual assaults. It was the most threatening environment for women that I had ever navigated. If somehow you still don't recognize the sweeping scale of sexual assault, if you think women across the world don't need to fight for each other with everything we have, try visiting Lesotho, where holding a man accountable for sexual violence is almost impossible.
...The epidemic of sexual violence against women in this nation of 2.2 million people is arguably the worst in the world, but it is rarely reported. The problem, women's rights advocates say, begins in childhood. Girls are taught to be compliant, to quietly endure suffering and to serve men.
The director of a local aid organization told me grown men regularly flirt with her 8-year-old daughter in the grocery store, capitalizing early on a grossly unequal power dynamic. UNICEF found that 19% of girls under 18 in Lesotho are forced into (illegal) marriages, oftentimes with older men. The rate of new HIV infections is the highest in the world (one in four people have the disease) thanks in no small part to a virtual army of Harvey Weinsteins preying on economically disadvantaged young women.

This sort of ridiculous hysteria -- that our country is anything like a place where 19% of teenaged girls are forced to marry -- makes things here cumulatively worse, not better.
This is the safest, most modern, most individual rights-driven country in the world.
If you are in a profession where there's a great deal of money and power, there are likely to be sociopaths of various stripes who will prey on you -- whether you're a man or a woman.
No, sexual assault should not be ignored, but we also don't help ourselves by turning an invitation out for a drink by a co-worker into some sort of victimization.
If it isn't your boss trying to manipulate you into the sack when you want no such thing; if there's no quid pro quo; if requests for a date stop when you ask for them to stop (or maybe after the second time), do you really need to identify as a victim?
Or...could you maybe identify as somebody whose co-worker asked them out, who wasn't interested, and who made that clear?
People have conflicting goals and desires. Any two people. Heterosexual men negotiate these with each other. They're very comfortable with it -- as am I, no matter what sex or sexuality you are or have.
If one person isn't holding the other down or saying "fuck me, or you lose your job..." ...If there's merely a need for a mild rebuff (like, "Sorry, I don't date co-workers), well, this seems to me like a normal part of adult life.
I predict two things from the current hysteria (where, say, a stolen kiss from a drunken co-worker is equated with Harvey Weinsteining and may even be seen as a firing offense):
1. Employers will think twice about hiring women, especially when they have the option of hiring a commensurately qualified male.
2. Men will start seeing escort workers in larger numbers than ever, and it will become more acceptable than it's ever been to pay for sex.]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/10/ridiculous_crap.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/10/ridiculous_crap.htmlSun, 10 Dec 2017 05:45:30 -0800LinkerettaLinkeretta
It's a special kind of gun no one has ever heard of.]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/10/linkeretta_1.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/10/linkeretta_1.htmlSun, 10 Dec 2017 02:30:40 -0800Your Choice, Boys: A Lifetime Of Masturbation Or A Prison SentenceYour Choice, Boys: A Lifetime Of Masturbation Or A Prison Sentence
Welcome to the end of dating -- except for men who are very drunk or very foolish.
Check out this sick tweet from an Irish police force -- the official Police Service Northern Ireland account. Yes, the sex panic madness has spread across the pond:
Hi, my name's Amy Alkon, and I'm from Sanityland:

My boyfriend of 15 years is my boyfriend because, the day we met, after 3 hours of my flirting my ass off with him, he walked me to my car & grabbed me & kissed me.

This is every rom-com I've ever seen come to life in a single (sexy!) moment--not reason to scream for the cops. https://t.co/r0jjBU1eWW

And check this out. There's this notion that it's HORRIBLE and TERRIBLE if someone makes an unwanted pass at you. I'm not talking about somebody raping you. I'm talking about an attempt to kiss you that you duck.
There's something wrong in modern life -- and we see it on campus, with the notion that emotional discomfort should not be tolerated and the conflation of emotional discomfort and a physical attack.
We've gotten used to modern comforts that make our life easier -- to the point where we have become utter pussies about the slightest discomfort. As I noted the other day, this is the antithesis of the message in Nassim Nicholas Taleb's Antifragile:

In "Antifragile: Things That Gain From Disorder," risk researcher Taleb, a former derivatives trader, explains that antifragile is "the exact opposite of fragile" -- but it goes beyond "resilience or robustness." Antifragile describes the way living things are improved by stressors -- becoming better, stronger, and more able to cope with difficult, unpredictable stuff that comes their way.

Before long, some other country will invade ours, and all we'll do in response is sit on the curb and cry.
via @Suffragentleman]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/09/your_choice_boy.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/09/your_choice_boy.htmlSat, 09 Dec 2017 05:29:03 -0800KinklyKinkly
Lubely hat you're wearing. ]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/09/kinkly.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/09/kinkly.htmlSat, 09 Dec 2017 02:16:37 -0800We're Now Poisoning The Kids With The Sexual Assault PanicWe're Now Poisoning The Kids With The Sexual Assault Panic
Who here hasn't accidentally grazed a boob in their time?
It's always been a thing to laugh at when I've done it -- while, I dunno, reaching for something at a party.
But now -- sickeningly -- a 9-year-old boy was treated like he'd done something wrong when, in playing co-ed soccer and lunging for the ball, his hand grazed the "private parts" of a girl (as Lenore Skenazy put it).
Melanie Gorman, the mom, writes that her son was actually sent to the principal's office for touching the girl "inappropriately."
Disgustingly, a thing we all knew to shrug off in childhood -- an accidental graze in rough 'n' tumble play -- the mother of the girl reported to the principal.
In fact, the mother reportedly told the principal that her little girl had become uncomfortable around the little boy.
(Just guessing where that "uncomfortable" came from. See my note above -- I don't recall anybody ever thinking anything of this kind of thing. Gorman blames it on the "no bad touch" admonishing kids get. Kids have had that for a while, and I think this sort of sex panic spreading to the world of 9-year-olds is a new thing. Correct me if I'm wrong -- and I know you will.)
Gorman writes:

The mere words "he touched her" in the principal's note made my entire body go cold. But in my race to react, I remembered that I needed to be a parent and not react. I needed information. I needed his side of the story.
So I asked, "Honey, what happened at school yesterday?"
And he told me a very different tale than the principal's note. He told me that he and the girl were playing soccer and they both went for the ball to block the goal. When they did, he accidentally touched her private parts.
I said, "Did you mean to do that?"
He said, "No, I was just trying to block the goal. So was she."
End of story.
The truth -- according to witnesses and the little girl herself -- was that two 9-year-old kids were innocently playing soccer and they both tried to block a goal, and she was touched -- by my son.
He didn't hurt her. He didn't reach out and try to touch her. It was an accident.
As I moved away from feeling terrified that he had hurt her, I felt a deeper sense of shame. Why did I think those things were possible for my son?
What has happened to our world that my instinctive reaction was that somehow he did something wrong?
That yet another male hurt yet another female?
That one more victim was made?
That her word carried more weight than his side of the story?
That the boys are always to blame?

Disgustingly, the principal wanted the little boy to apologize to the girl. Sadly, the mother appears to have gone along -- though she hems and haws a bit to justify this.
This story and that outcome make me sick -- and sad that kids are being poisoned like this.
]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/08/were_now_poison.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/08/were_now_poison.htmlFri, 08 Dec 2017 05:51:23 -0800LinkleyLinkley
Plausible delinkability.]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/08/linkley.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/08/linkley.htmlFri, 08 Dec 2017 02:14:17 -0800The Terrible California FiresThe Terrible California Fires
A tweet -- as I look over at the painting my bubbie gave me, and glance at pretty yellow fake flowers on a ledge by my writerdesk that Nancy Rommelmann took from her writerdesk and sent me for my 50th birthday.

Beyond how terrible it is to lose a home, even if you and your loved ones and pets are safe, the small things of "no value" are actually so valuable -- the painting nobody would ever buy that your late grandma did that you reminds you of her. https://t.co/zRblUE61xr

Yes, we are probably the politically stupidest state in the Union.
However, I love California and the melange of people who have come here -- sometimes from way across the world, at great hardship -- because they want a part of the magical landscape and the social, intellectual, and business opportunity.
Not all are pioneers, but probably more than in many other places.
]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/07/the_terrible_ca.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/07/the_terrible_ca.htmlThu, 07 Dec 2017 06:41:16 -0800Philly Pols' Bill To Endanger The Lives Of Convenience Store OwnersPhilly Pols' Bill To Endanger The Lives Of Convenience Store Owners
This is just wildly wrong, and another sign that government has gone from overly meddling to obscenely meddling in citizens' lives.
Fox29 reports that Philly bureaucrats and politicians are moving to pass a bill that requires convenience store owners to remove the bulletproof plexiglass that stands between them and customers:

It's called the 'Stop and Go' bill and is being offered by City Councilwoman Cindy Bass.
"Right now, the Plexiglas has to come down," she said.
She says she wants to put some controls on these small stores that, from her point of view, sell booze, very little food and are a source of trouble for her district.
"We want to make sure that there isn't this sort of indignity, in my opinion, to serving food through a Plexiglas only in certain neighborhoods," Councilwoman Bass said.

My dad had a permit for concealed carry so he could protect himself when he went downtown to dicey areas. He didn't carry it to insult people in those neighborhoods; he carried it because he wanted to come home at night, not be sent to the Coroner's in a big black zipped bag.
If you operate a business in a dicey area -- or one you perceive to be dicey -- or if you just have a thing for plexiglass, it is less than none of the government's business to tell you that you cannot have plexiglass.
Perhaps the Councilwoman could work on measure to reduce crime in "certain neighborhoods" rather than effectively asking people to go, "Yoohoo, criminals, I've got $786 dollars in the cash register. Please come rob me at gunpoint."
I like this guy's tweet:

"How can we push out the last remaining retailers in our area?" - Philly legislators.

And it actually gets way more meddling'y than pols just going after some establishments' bulletproof barriers. You feel safer with a barrier or you want to go around restocking in a tutu -- why should that be any politician's business?
via @JD_Tucille]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/07/philly_pols_bil.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/07/philly_pols_bil.htmlThu, 07 Dec 2017 05:41:48 -0800BlinkieBlinkie
I think that's a clown's name.]]>http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/07/blinkie_5.html
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2017/12/07/blinkie_5.htmlThu, 07 Dec 2017 02:42:10 -0800