Land of Death
happens to be one of those movies which has gathered a shrine
worth of bad reviews. Comments about acting, bad direction, poor
cannibals, etcetera, by some I think who have just copied off
others and wanted to be part of the school yard gang.

I'm the one who is the cool one in the yard and I don't want to
be part of a gang Â I can be like Eastwood and be known by two
gangs or more if needed. Hahaha, well, whatever. As a kid I
loved video nasties (before they became known as such) and
adored zombies, slashers, and the sort. I was a late bloomer
into the world of cannibals. Yeah I love cannibal flicks from
Italy, but IÂm not going to compare them to this. I react via
entertainment and not strictly by quality in most of my reviews.
I won't tire anyone by lambasting the talents on show in a movie
(unless they bore me) nor will I stroke my beard and try and be
clever about the choice of style, directing, and so on.

Land of Death
entertained me, even with its stolen pieces from Aliens
and Predator. I loved it. So, the late and brilliantly
cheesy consistent, Bruno Mattei sat down, caught up with a
couple of Â80s blockbusters and thought, ÂYou know what? I've
got a great idea for a new cannibal movie.Â He next thought
of casting David Warbeck in one of the lead roles. However, the
legendary Mr. Warbeck had sadly passed away some years prior so
Bruno took on Claudio Morales, who had been in another of his
newer cannibal flicks, made sure he had that classic younger
David Warbeck look, and sent him into the jungle along with a
big cast of unknown but enthusiastic people.

Bruno became a bit too carried away with his influences and
actually named a character after one in Aliens, plus had
the actress ape near enough every quality shown in that movie Â
and steal a line from Predator. More on this later.

Beginning as we mean to go on, this film with its made-for-TV
look camera style, starts with a mob of cannibals feasting on
flesh with the same gusto that spoilt, out of control kids
contribute to the pig pens at McDonalds. One native fella gazes
upwards and we see a chopper fly overhead. The helicopter lands
at a base and we see (through drops of water on the lens!!!) the
first glimpse of our soon-to-be cannibal feasts jumping off to
the worst military jolly music I have ever heard! Credit has to
be given to Bruno for assembling the greatest gang of
stereotypes thus seen in a gory jungle horror Â and that takes
some doing. Handsome guy, tough gal (called Vasquez!!), big
black man, the list goes on, as does the music. God help me!

ÂSome beer tastes like snake piss!Â is a nice quote from
the meeting which goes down as a monkey plays with its balls
nearby. We learn from this two man chin-wag with masculine tones
that our small Soldiers of Fortune collective are embarking on a
mission deep within the cannibal infested Amazon to place a few
orders for DVDs..... erm, bad joke, sorry, this movie is doing
strange things to me, they're off into the jungle Âcause a
previous expedition has gone AWOL Â isn't that always the case?
Along with that group happened to be an important Senator's
daughter. Yeah, of course she had to be there. ÂI can't
guarantee you and your team will survive.Â comes the cheery
confidence building words. Our bald chisel-chinned lead Soldier,
Wilson, sneers. ÂDon't worry. We got thick skins!Â

We are then introduced to their guide, Romero (for fuck's sake!
Oh yeah, there's a character called Krueger as well!!), who is
the before-mentioned rip-off David Warbeck chap. ÂWe're
trained for jungles, and penguins too.Â Wilson tells Romero
who doubts their survival rate (no one really has much
confidence in these poor folks). They have one good thing
however -- a captive cannibal. To add a bit of realism to
proceedings, his tribe isnÂt known to devour human flesh.
However, a sacred ritual of cleansing is abound. So that's that
in a nutshell.

Cue hardcore exciting music and our team are flying out to make
the drop. Yep, the big black guy is a Sergeant, and he talks
just like Apone, and the conversation between him and Private
Smith, echoes that with Hudson. Oh, come on now, Bruno. It isn't
long after they all are safely on the jungle soils that they
stumble across the remains of one of the previous expedition
members.

ÂYou got a light, man?Â ÂI'm taking a piss!Â ÂFuck you, black
bastard! Fucking cunt!Â You have to simply adore this
script. Keep in mind not long ago there was a total pinch from
Aliens about how many simulated and real missions our top
guy has had. I mean, really? Oh yeah, here we go, before we all
get too comfy, let's have a real living pig slaughtered in
homage to the golden age of cannibal flicks (imagine Eli Roth
trying that little ditty?) and some very fast acting cocaine for
our captive cannibal chap.

Things go mental for a while as they endure a brief attack that
claims one of them. Then right afterwards they are stunned to
witness a blatant
Cannibal Holocaust bite -- the punishment of an
unfaithful wife. In the following longwinded section of the
film, they shakily befriend a tribe, and chill out with their
new pals, finding more stripped down corpses, meanwhile, but not
the Senator's daughter. Night falls and they are privileged to
watch a dancing ceremony. Who pops out drugged up and dancing
like Sherri Moon in Rob Zombie's 'Foxy Foxy' video? Yep, it's
Sarah, the lady they're looking for. Thus it's time to hatch a
plan and spring Sarah, who it transpires is rather reluctant to
go with them.

Now our small band of soldiers have not only one tribe after
them, but it turns out every damn tribe in the region because
she's VIP to the natives. Time to bust out the guns and gory
guts, shit is on!

Bruno raids his incredibly deep clichÎ¹ bag and uses as many as
possible for this one. And guess what? It makes
Land of Death
so much fun. Bruno Mattei has ensured this is an action-packed,
eventful, cheap, and blood-splashed ride. Weird bits catch your
eye, such as a character staggering in pain when an arrow
pierces his backpack, not him, plus a beard which grows, then
vanishes, and grows again. Ummm.

The crimson glory reigns supreme. Flesh eating, leg amputation,
heart removals, bloody cadavers, it's all on show and in
close-up details. Giuseppe Ferranti, I salute you for your work.
In fact, he is the name behind so many Italian horrors like
Fulci's later career Demonia, Cat in the Brain,
Touch of Death, some early Argento films, and others like
All the Colors of the Dark, Zombie Creeping Flesh,
The Other Hell,
Cannibal Ferox, Hands of Steel Â way too many to
state here. He is the Italian blood king!

I can highly recommend this so long as you
go in realising this isn't going to be an epic of all levels. As
far as Bruno's later works go, this is far more superior to
Island of the Living Dead (see
review here) on each and every level.

I can imagine, to many, that's like having your face shoved into
a puddle of shit, then being shown two sets of buttocks and
deciding which ass the shit plopped out of. Me, however, I truly
had a great time and a chuckle with Land of Death. Sometimes
that's what it's all about, total escapism.

Substance DVD distribution has released a naked sun bleached
bones version of the film. Scene access, a trailer and that's
it. Quality is fairly run of the mill, not polished, festering
with a bit of pixilation now and then. There's a few cheap
variations of it on the market and to be honest they all look as
bland as one another. Land of Death isn't really going to
earn a 2-disc extras bonanza six commentary track version is it?

Some of those AKA names though Â Cannibal Ferox 3,
Cannibal Holocaust 3... Cannibal of Death. That last
one doesn't even make sense!