Not everything that counts can be counted. Not everything that can be counted counts.

At the studio last night, I was talking to Darrell a bit about what I do. He laughed a bit and said, "Every time I hear about what other people do, I think about how simple my life is." When I commented that I'd like a little more of that simplicity in my life, he stopped me. "That might be true," he said, "but most of the time I feel like I missed the boat."

Where to begin with this?

There's certainly something to be said for being in the thick of things. There's a sense that you are actually part of the world. There are things that you do and you know on some level that those things have meaning. You are also witness to the things that others do, and the weight that those actions bear. It's possible to argue that the more responsibility you bear, the greater the potential effect you can have on the community in which you find yourself.

But that's not the whole story. In the past couple of months, I've come to realize that there will always be one more story the press is scrambling for, there will always be one more legal proceeding that requires immediate action. There will always be one more crisis. My workplace is one of profound boredom that isn't punctuated by moments of terror, but spawned of it. My ability to deal with these stressors has inspired the confidence of my superiors, but I swear sometimes that it's killing me.

So I'm sitting there with someone who's made his living as an artist, and part of me wonders where his doubts come from. I certainly don't think that the work he does is any less important that the work I do. In fact, I tend to think that if everyone took as much care looking after the small details with everything they do, we'd be a lot better off. My work primarily serves attorneys seeking damages from providers who they argue didn't look after the small details. I am tied into our society's cycle of acquisition. Why am I therefore judged (even by him) to be more in touch with that which is important?

"Why am I therefore judged (even by him) to be more in touch with that which is important?"

Because he realizes that you understand the importance (or lack there of) of what you do. You don't function in a jaded, rose colored haze of thinking that what you do is the hinge upon which the entire universe swings.

You understand your job and the place that it puts you into in regards to the universe, and you are actively trying to better that place through an expression of art.

You are in touch with that which is important because you are in touch with BOTH worlds and can make decisions based on that fact.

When people stopped working in the fields to express themselves artistically, they needed someone to support their endeavours. They needed patrons. This created a division between those who created, and those who supported the creators, each believing themselves better than the other. The arrogance of both sides caused the division to become wider and as such, there is little to no association between them anymore.

As anyone who calls themselves a "true artist" -- they'll probably have a loathing for the people who spend all their days in the office, and their nights going to movies or shows.

Then there's the businessman who only tolerates the hippies playing music on the subway, because occasionally they get famous and make a good record.

There are too few HUMANS in the world anymore. People who can see the benefits of both sides and actually want to EXPERIENCE both sides.

Human in the Bene Gesserit sense? Or are you thinking of something else?

I've had a difficult time seeing the "human-ness" in myself of late. It might be the anxiety speaking, but I've not been able to access those things that I find of value in myself. I feel like I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop for five years, and I know that I was waiting for entirely different reasons in the five years prior to that. On some level, I think that being human requires you to live rather than exist, and I feel like I've been stuck in the latter for as long as I can remember.