Last week I got a phone call from a friend asking me if I would go with her to the hospital. As I quickly got ready to go and met her outside, she told me a friend of her family had overdosed on his medication. The doctors didn't think he'd make it through the night and she wanted to say her goodbyes.

Hearing that, I was stopped in my tracks, slapped upside my head, and I didn't hear a word she said after that. She had to come back to me and ask if I was okay. Too many thoughts went through my mind.

The reason it hit me hard (I didn't know him personally) is because I've often thought about it. I'll admit there was a time when I would wake up mad that I woke up at all. I didn't want to be here. I didn't care to be here and I was so tired of always hurting. I would often ask a friend to take me out in his field and put me down like a horse...put me out of my misery. He's always refused me though saying he'd miss me too much. My desire not to be here has wavered over the years. There are times I'm glad I'm still here and there are other times I'd be perfectly okay if I wasn't.

Happy Friday to you! How has your week been? Did you take some time for you and your needs? I hope so, but if you haven't...I hope you'll find some time this weekend. Your needs are important!

We can't change that we hurt, but we can change what we do for ourselves when we're feeling it. And that means we need to learn how to care for, nurture and support ourselves...mentally, emotionally, and physically too. We need to do the things that help us through our pain.

What do I need right now? What soothes my pain?

I hope you'll ask yourself those two questions and when you answer yourself? Well, I hope you'll go and do it! All I ask is that whatever you do for you, do it without leaving scars behind...please?!

I don't know about you, but this week has gone by in a blink and I think I missed it...and not much has gotten done around here either. I'm torn between tidying up my house and chilling out. Between putting away the laundry and just being glad that at least it's washed and folded.

It's not easy balancing our needs against our "responsibilities" but I'm here to say that our needs are our responsibility and sometimes? they have to come first.

How was your week? Did you find some time for you and your needs? If you haven't yet...will you this weekend?

Hello and Happy Friday to you! Are you feeling good? Are you smiling today? I hope so. But on the off chance you're not...what are you gonna do about it? Hmm?

It's been a long time since I've done the "It's Friday" posts and I've missed it. I've been busy doing the things I needed to help me heal. I'll be honest, I kinda felt guilty about taking so much time for me but like I keep nagging....there is no guilt to be had when you take the time you need for you. I just took more time than I thought I'd need. It happens right? And all we can do is the best we can do and we have to keep trying.

SO! I'm back to remind you to take the time you need to make you feel good, to soothe and nurture yourself and your needs, to do the things that make you smile, laugh and allow you to enjoy your life in spite of your pain. Do it for you!

I was asked recently why I haven't been doing the website very much lately and I didn't know how to answer them...and then I saw this piece.

I didn't realize it today though. I've been feeling this way for awhile now and I'm trying to dig myself out of it. I do appreciate your patience.

You see the thing is...it started last May for me. When I found out about the surgery and the mass near my brain, I kind of lost it for a bit. Going through the surgery and the complications afterwards, I had a hard time keeping myself positive and I couldn't come here trying to pick you up when I needed to pick me up first. I felt like a hypocrite so I stayed away...hoping not to drag anyone down with me.

But I've learned that staying away only kept me down longer than I should have been. That it was okay for me to admit I was struggling and that I needed help. It's okay. I know that now. To need help only makes us human and we are so damn human some days. I know I am.

I'm holding on and trying to bring myself back...being on the Facebook page has helped me to gather my pieces up again. I've been struggling too on what to write/share here...my thoughts have been rampant and sleep is evading me, so what thoughts I do have are a jumbled mess some days. But I'm trying. I will gain my ground again and I will keep moving gently forward.

Thank you for all of your support and understanding! Gently forward we go? ​Take good care of you please. ​​Tammy

Could you please hold me....it's been a long time since I've felt safe in someone's arms.Could you please listen to me....I need to feel heard.Could you please help me?...I'm struggling right now.When I don't like myself...could you please love me a little bit more? When you see me struggling...could you please understand I'm trying my hardest?

WOW!! it's hard for me to believe that it's been three years since I started this website. What started as a middle of the night reaction to rejection, has grown into something I'm very proud of and I couldn't have done it without you! Thank you for all your support and for sharing your time with me.

This site has played a big part in my healing and regaining my life again and although it's been a lot of work, I've enjoyed it more than I can ever say.

One of the most healing things I've ever heard are two little words..."me too". To find others living a hurting life has helped me to feel a little less alone, to know that I'm not going crazy and that there are others like me out there. I hope that by sharing my own experiences through my pain, that you feel a little less alone too, and that you feel strong enough to take on your pain....even when you're scared.

I hope by sharing this site with you, that you're beginning a different kind of journey with your illness/pain...one that finds you in control and not your pain. We may not be able to change the fact we hurt, but I do believe we can change how we care for ourselves when we're feeling it. I do believe we can change our thoughts on our hurting lives and even ourselves too. We can change! We can grow! We can take back the control! We can!

Thank you for sharing in this journey with me! Please take good care of you

Trying to explain what life is like for me now isn't always so easy...and then I saw this. I think it says it better than I ever could.

There will be days and sometimes they'll last longer than I would like. I can be quiet and I can be distant, and then there are days when all I seem to do is cry. I can't explain it some days and other days I'm too embarrassed to try. Days when all I need is to be held and hugged and there are days when I need to be alone. Days when I'm a social butterfly and days when I want to stay home.

​I don't know about you, but my week has been spent much like this picture...curled up with my favourite warm blanket snuggled on my couch.

The weather has been having a go with us here and we've seen snow storms, freezing rain, mind freezing temperatures, wind up to 60km/hr and now? the snow is melting. With all the weather changes...it's been playing havoc with my body.

If the weather is playing with your pain too, I hope you'll take the time you need and do the things that help you through...the things that soothe you.