Jessica Simpson's Deep Instagram Will Make You Rethink All Existence

Below, two editors, faced with covering an event of such momentous poignancy that it can hardly be articulated, discuss precisely how they can most effectively distribute Simpson's salient message to the masses.

Mikki Halpin, 7:05 p.m.: IS THIS A LESBIAN ADMISSION? Or, exactly what it sounds like? She just fucking loves carpet?
Lexi, 7:05 p.m.: Don't know and don't think I am equipped to analyze. Monumental. Unprecedented.
Mikki, 7:05 p.m.: She's taking a stance. While also lying down. Very nuanced.
Lexi, 7:06 p.m.: I expect an op-ed in the Times tomorrow
Mikki, 7:06 p.m.: "When you think about it, everyone loves their cars. And their pets. So why wouldn't they love carpet?"
Lexi, 7:06 p.m.: Can I write it right now because I'm so passionate about this
Mikki, 7:06 p.m.: Yes. I wonder if she spilled something and just decided to cover up the spill with her body?
Lexi, 7:07 p.m.: Incredibly relevant point. We'll need an investigative report.
Mikki, 7:07 p.m.: Now, every time I see her in a chair I will know it is a lie
Sorry typeing w banfage and cat
Lexi, 7:08 p.m.: I'm going to include that last line. Hitting publish!