Monday, January 13, 2014

FAQs About My Pregnancy.

In case you missed the news, we're expecting a little girl in April. It seem like I've been getting a lot of the same questions about my pregnancy, so I thought I would answer them here. But first, here's a recent bump shot from about week ago (24 weeks):

1. How did you tell Justin?

He was asleep when I took the pregnancy test. I woke him up and told him that I needed his help in reading the test (which I did because the line was super faint and I wanted to make sure I wasn't imagining it). Since I had to wake him up, he didn't really process what was going on and fell back asleep 2 seconds later.

So after about 5 minutes more of squinting and walking around to different lights by myself to see if the second line was really there, I decided to wake him up again -- this time with a different/more direct approach. I woke him up and said "I think I'm pregnant but I need you to confirm!" He got out of bed and looked at the test. He said "I do see a second line, but it's very faint, so I'm not sure." I told him that was all that was needed -- any line, dark or faint, meant I was pregnant. I was in shock.

I'm not sure he 100% believed me about the line, so while he was letting out the dogs, I remembered I had a digital test. I took it and almost immediately, it popped up "positive." I took it out to him, and said "well I guess this resolves any question we had." I could see it click right away with him and he hugged me and we were both so thrilled. Then, in typical Justin-fashion, he said "why didn't you just start with the digital test!?"

PS: I could never be one of those women who figures out some super cute way to tell their husband. There is no way in heck I could keep that kind of news to myself for any period of time!

Also, I really should do a separate post on what an amazing husband he has been (well for the nearly 10 years we've been married), but also throughout my pregnancy. He has taken such good care of me, always complimenting me on how I look, always talking to the baby, and giving my belly kisses. Even before we got married, I knew he would be the best father. And I have no doubt he will be. My heart melts just thinking about him holding our little girl.

2. How did you tell your parents?

We had them over for dinner and put the dogs in cute t-shirts from Etsy.

Our dogs are like our children, and we thought it would be cute to have them in on the fun. My mom knew right away what was going on. It took Justin's parents a minute or two longer to process it all. Once everyone knew, there was lots of crying (happy tears) and squeals of excitement. Our baby will be the first grandchild on both sides, so she's kind of a big deal with our parents.

3. Are you going back to work?

Thankfully, I get a very generous 18 weeks of paid leave. Assuming there are no surprises, my intent is to return to work once my leave is over. By way of background, I'm a seventh-year attorney at a large law firm. While my job can be demanding, high-stress, and unpredictable at times, I absolutely love it. And I also really enjoy the people I work with. It's always hard to know since I've never been in this position before, but I really think I would miss the work, the clients, being challenged (I know there will be challenges at home, but work challenges are totally different), the adult-interaction, and the suits (ok, not really the suits).

I also (knock on wood) think I will have some flexibility with my schedule and the ability to work from home, which will make the transition back to work easier. Justin also gets every other Friday off, and I think that time will be so special for the 2 of them to bond (and to come take me to lunch!).

4. Were you trying or was it an accident?

For starters, that's an extremely personal question -- and one I would never ask anyone. I'm not sure if people had given up hope on us (see number 5) or thought we would never have kids because of my job (see number 3), but people seem to be very surprised at our news and this seems to be a very popular question. To answer it (without directly answering it), let me just say this -- we have been happily married for nearly 10 years and I am a huge planner. So I will let you draw your own conclusion.

5. You've been married for nearly 10 years, why did you wait so long?

Frankly, it's a complicated answer. I think mainly because we were being selfish. We knew we could do what we wanted, travel whenever and wherever, have our own schedules, work and not feel guilty, etc. We were (and are) fully aware that all changes once there is a kid in the picture. We are still young-ish (I'm 31 and Justin's 32), so we didn't really feel the need to be in any rush. We love spending time together just the two of us, and weren't quite ready to give that up. We've been together for nearly 15 years, so I think that says a lot about our relationship and how much fun we have with each other and how much we enjoy each other's company. We knew we always wanted a family, and at some point, we realized we were ready to share our love with a child.

I also wanted to get established in my career. I've worked at the same law firm since I graduated. I wanted to come in and prove myself as someone who's smart and hardworking and earn the trust of the people I work with before having a baby. I think (and hope) after 7 years, people know that about me. My boss was amazing to me during my first trimester when I was so exhausted and sick, and I'm not sure it would have been as easy to ask about working from home/a lighter schedule until I felt better, if I was more junior. I'm sure I will be saying the same thing when I need some flexibility and understanding once I return from maternity leave.

This may come across as crass, but I spent too much money and hard work in law school to practice for a year or two and then have a baby. (Now that's not to say you can't be a successful attorney and mom, but it's hard -- and I wasn't willing to do either half-assed; and wasn't confident enough in myself to know I could excel at both). And to be clear, Justin was totally on board with that plan and never once pressured me to deviate from it. That was our plan all along. I have an amazing husband who is super supportive of me and my career and I am so thankful everyday for him.

So to round this out, we realized there was never going to be a perfect time for us to have a baby -- there would always be some excuse -- but at some point we just knew we both were ready (and thankfully, we were ready at the same time). So here we are!

I certainly don't want this blog to become all about my pregnancy (and it won't), but I do have some more thoughts on the above question and on feeling pressure to have a baby, which I may share in a different post if I can find a way to coherently put my thoughts together.

11 comments:

Yay! I am so excited for you! Great for you to wait until you are completely ready. You will enjoy your little girl so much! I have a daughter and let me tell you- little girls are so much fun!! They also melt daddies hearts. Enjoy!! And funny story- I took my first pregnancy test when my husband was at work! We still laugh about the fact that I was too excited to wait until he got home to take it. :)

I'd like to say I can't believe people asked you if it was planned or an accident, but sadly, I can. I had so many people ask that! I'd understand it more if it were a 3rd baby (you know, unusual in some circles and often a 'pleasant surprise', but it still would be inappropriate! But to ask a 31 year old woman if her first baby was an accident? JEESH. I'm very happy for you. I hope the whole working mom thing goes super well for you - sounds like you have a very supportive husband and a supportive workplace (which is honestly just as important). Congrats!!

So excited for you. I am always amazed by the questions people ask (particularly the really personal ones). I think it is great that you took the time to think through what it is you and Justin wanted regarding careers, your relationship and the timing of having a family. Mark and I are 10 years apart, so while I had Elie was I was just 21, he was 31. And, now that the girls are off on their own (well, Katie does come home for breaks)...we are enjoying doing the things you and Justin did earlier in your marriage. Can't wait to see the nursery. I know it will be amazing.

I totally agree with Janice - people asking if its planned - eww. And who cares?!? If someone is healthy and happy that's all that matters. You handled the questions well :). I craved fruit throughout my pregnancy - good craving to have, I think part of it was the hydration factor. Take care of yourself!

I always forget how young you are...you have your shizz together so much! I think your ages are perfect, and so glad you guys had your 20s to live it up with just each other. I knew I was ready when I was ready to share John. Until then, I wanted him all to myself. :) I'm so excited for you guys, and your comments about how sweet justin has been just makes me that much happier for you! Just wait until he sees his super-wife deliver his child...he'll worship at your feet!!! xoxo

Good for you for waiting until the time was right for you and your husband and your marriage. Totally the smartest way to go.

And I love being a mom, but I also love running a company. People (mostly SAHMs with very good intentions) have questioned that choice of mine, but I've always valued being able to feed both sides of my personality.

About Me

I married my wonderful husband, Justin, in June 2004. We have the cutest dogs (Riley and Zoey). I am an attorney who loves all things decor.
I also love blogs, Banana Republic, J. Crew, my job, and making lists.