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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

So apparently this World Cup thing is a big deal. I know because it keeps breaking Twitter. And when Twitter's down, I'm forced to come to grips with my Twitter addiction, and let me tell you, henchpersons; that is NOT something you want me gripping at the crack of noon.

Anyway, when Twitter isn't broken, it has a handy little "World Cup" definition up, along with a soccer ball icon.

By studying this definition ("the largest sporting event in the world") and icon, I have come to the conclusion that the World Cup has something to do with soccer. Or football. Or something sports related.

And, gauging by the tweets and Facebook statuses I've seen, the World Cup also features a lot of these:

Er, those are supposed to be bees.

No, I don't know why they're puking orange jelly.

Or why their hive has an orange jelly door outlined on it.

Look, the point is that bees buzz. And from what I hear, there's a whole lotta buzzing going on at the World Cup.

The source of the buzzing is hundreds and hundreds of of vuvuzela horns:

which look nothing like this.

So anyway, I guess at this point I should probably show you some Soccer wrecks.

Whut.

Hey, this could be a soccer wreck. I mean, really, do you know what it is? No, you do not. Therefore, I think the real question here is, how do you know it's NOT a soccer wreck? Hmm?

Ok, ok, fine. Here:

No, really, it's a soccer cake. Honest.

And this is a drawing of a molecule made with tinker toys:

Or possibly another soccer cake.

How about a few more traditional black and white "balls?"

Note: At this point, I actually had to google "soccer ball" just to remind myself what they're supposed to look like. In case you're in the same boat, here:

Now go scroll up and compare. I'll wait.

[whistling]

All set? Good. One more:

Mmmm. I'm not sure if I want to headbutt it or eat it!

(Ok, that's a lie: I'd definitely prefer the headbutt.)

And finally, a cake diorama of the 2010 World Cup:

Or something.

I mean, it could be, right? I haven't watched any of it, so you tell me: has anyone been shot with an arrow yet? Or have any of the female cheerleader's feet fallen off?

That second cake isn't a vuvuzela. It's an Alien chestburster that's been cut in half. Or, maybe it's a cake made for a biology teacher who spent just a little too much time teaching kids how to dissect earthworms. Whatever it is, it'll be on the discount shelf tomorrow.

Um... and on that 2nd wreck (I cannot tear my eyes away, it's like a traffic accident)... is that OATMEAL? I mean, with grapes squished into it? I've calculated that it is supposed to be a cornucopia, but it's making me feel queasy.

Ok Jen soccer doesn't have cheerleaders; that's for your American football (as we call it here in Europe). Soccer has supporters, hoards of men (and quite a few women too!)filled up to their eyeballs with adrenaline! LOL! BTW those wreckerators really don't know that a soccer ball is supposed to be ROUND! LOL! And black & white! And I'll add for your own personal information that soccer players cannot touch the ball with their hands (except the goal keeper).

I'd like to see some wrecks of the supposedly demon-possessed ball that is the World Cup special ball this year ... no really, the players say that it doesn't want to be kicked so it moves ... by itself ... just think of the possibilities!

I just found your site the other night and I really want to thank you. My husband is away for 5 weeks in training. He is joining the Air Force. Since he has been gone, with three kids at home, it's been stressful. The other night I spent 3 hours on your site, all alone, laughing so hard I cried. Thank you thank you thank you. I truly needed that! The cakes you feature are hilarious, but it's your wonderfully twisted sense of humor that makes this site so awesome. Thank you again for making my month!!

I think that last one is more of a track and meet gone horribly wrong. It's kind of cute though!

But oh man, those "footballs" look more like poorly planned, soccer themed medicine balls. Although that rose one could have worked so well! ..if they actually paid attention to what a soccer ball looked like.

I hate the vuvuzelas....but I guess not as much as I hate the look of that 2nd cake LOL. Oh and the 3rd one looks like it's supposed to be...uh....male anatomy....So maybe it IS a soccer wreck- they can get injured there ya know ;P

You think you're sooo smart with your big blue eye! "I know the difference between molecules and atoms!" you say. Well some of us didn't "pay attention" when we were "educated" in the "sciences." And there's nothing wrong with that. (except for that whole lack of knowledge thing)

Your last wreck reminds me of "Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun" for some reason. Don't know it? Go do a You Tube search on it and watch. I'll be here when you get back. No, seriously, if you AREN'T familiar with this, you HAVE to see it.

Oh, and I feel bad for the decorators doing the soccer balls. They're HARD!

Love your blog! I always read it and seldom comment, but today I just wanted to pop in and tell you how much I enjoy your view of things. You always make me laugh! Thanks for bringing a smile to my day, so many times a week.

As for the "soccer ball" CCCs, it is IMPOSSIBLE to create a round shape out of a bunch of smaller round shapes, IT WON'T WORK. There is not a scalloped edge to be found on a soccer ball, so why do the wreckerators insist on continuing to try? I know, a rhetorical question for which there is no answer, but we can ponder...

WV jiticin - Many of these cakes should be jiticin'd before they're shown to anyone.

I had the "pleasure" of listening to FOUR freaking HOURS of those horns on Saturday while guilted into staying at my mom's for some family time. Her new husband is British and wouldn't miss a soccer game to save his life. I don't know what gave me a bigger headache, four hours of buzzing or these wrecks!

I've got one question: why are the bees allowed to have lasers? Or is someone cutting the cake with a lightsaber? Ok, that was two questions, but they should count as one, right?

I thought that pink cake was celebrating the "Great Flamingo Season" of 2009 at first--it kind of looks like a stylized round flamingo if you squint a lot. Those others look like Spiderman created them.

I guess I'm not the only one who thinks the droning of the horns sounds like a bunch of angry bees! I was in a swarm once (I huddled under a tree and screamed my head off) and it sounds JUST like that! Brrr. I don't think I'll be watching much of the World Cup.

That last cake definitely looks like a track meet gone wrong, what with one person lying prostrate in the sand pit of the long jump, and another stabbed to death(?) in the elbow by a truncated javelin. I don't blame the official for his abject horror. I don't recall there ever being cheerleaders at track meets, although I suppose she could be a free-lance cheerleader...I definitely want to know the story behind that cake.

My daughter and I watched about two minutes of one of the World Cup matches the other day, and decided that we would have gone insane by now if we had to listen to the "buzzing bees" LIVE, all day long.

I thought that at first too. However, a cesta doesn't have a horn-like protrusion on the back of it. Though perhaps they have combined jai alai and mixed martial arts to create a fight-to-death match.

And as for Mr. Science Person's correction. Around my city, we have a very large concentration of engineers. When someone becomes a bit too obsessive about his yard, car, sport, or whatever, usually someone else will comment in a quiet voice, "Well you know he is an engineer" and everyone nods knowingly. They just can't help it, so don't take it personally.

Seriously, these get put on shelves for purchase? Do these people go home proud of themselves that they have to throw their creations (I use the word losely) away at the end of the day. All of my cakes haven't turned out perfect, so when I realize they look like crap I START OVER...but that might be the OCD in me...

I dunno about flamingos, it looks more like a mardigras ladybird to me, but hey, that's an awesomely flamboyant pink colour. CW 3: VERY badly bruised delicate bits, perhaps after running into a soccer ball after becoming confused by the vuvuzelas (which BTW are NOT in any way a traditional instrument - there ARE awesome African horns and pipes which are well-tuned and lovely to listen to, but these are not them!). Last CW scene: I like the hammer thrower, who's ended up with the hammer in his eye. The whole thing looks a lot like I remember Sports Day at school...

WV: certi - those are certinly not the Jabulani soccer balls being used in the World Cup.

As a kid, my brother told me honey was bee spit and I believed him...still do after that cake #1. And no, I don't eat honey. I do believe the last cake is a track and field meet explosion - sand pit, track on the outside, body parts everywhere or missing.

This was so funny! Thank you. The diorama is at least entertaining, but I really don't know what to say about the so-called soccer balls. I mean if I know a soccer ball is difficult and I don't feel cofident that I can actually produce a realistic soccer ball then I would tel the client NO!... as opposed to handing them crap and calling it soccer. LOl oh, well

I agree with Falze. It's a Dune sandworm... after a head butt... with the giant orange whistle... lost by the officials on the track field... of zombie leprosy cheerleaders... after eating mutant molecules.

It always delights me when I read new reader comments saying what I did when I found this blog: it makes me laugh. I must visit daily. Everyone should.

It's FOOTBALL please and there aren't cheerleaders at matches. Some matches play as late as 2:30am local time and our menfolk (and a lot of womenfolk) do stay up late to watch these matches. (Hint: football betting)

The second to last one looks like the surface of the moon. And if you think of it as a Sea of Serenity cake, it's actually a lovely representation.

Also, there are many legitimate reasons to love the beautiful game but my I offer my favorite illegitimate one. At the end of the match men who look like this exchange their shirts. http://jezebel.com/5563613/today-in-world-cup-abdominals

That last cake looks like almost everyone has died. Now if that is what it is like to be in the game I may just have to watch lol. That first poo bee cake made me wonder what on earth the wreckerator was trying to say. And the horn cake.. smashed and all only reminds me of some twisted alien trying to pop out of the cake.. yikes lol.

Listen here people - you may be able to sit on the other side of the world and witter on about bees and droning and such - i live here (Johannesburg) and what the media have dubbed 'buzzing bees' is more like a chainsaw gone wrong multiplied by five million and then amplified through a crackling megaphone. And they don't stop. I heard my first one at 6am this morning and they just keep on going. Sigh. I feel better now after that rant. But otherwise yes, we are enjoying being the hosts of the Soccer world cup (we also call it soccer - football sounds sooooo european doncha think?)And Jen, I think I might love you. In a platonic, we are both girls and have significant others and actual real people in our lives too I promise kind of way. Ahem.

What slays me is the placement of the strap, right smack in the middle of the "flip flop"! Seriously, do all Floridians have big toes that are half the size of the rest of their foot?? Or maybe that's just environmental adaption caused from living someplace that's always warm... Hmm... that'd almost be worth the price of living in Florida...

#2 is a puke tornado. definitely. Does a vuvuzela horn really blow chunks? and the orange/green icing splatter is probably an allusion to the fact that it's probably a carrot cake. Guess they can't make carrots either. unless they're puked carrots seeing as they're followed by the puked cranberries and all. *looks at Jen suspiciously* are you sure this isn't a mutan cornucupia cake? ;)

at least the third to last one is actually on a round cake (not a CCC or an oval) But the one after it looks like it's a round cake, that's not..quite..round. How did they manage that? and is it smeared or airbrushed or censored?

that sports crime scene is a riot. I can identify a dismayed referee. what kind of field that is (with the ramp) or what kind of sport (with cheerleaders and arrow-struck murder victims) I can't figure out.

meanwhile, I can't figure out what the guy in the back is holding or why cheerleader looks happy with her feet chopped off. The child on the left has his tongue sticking out (I think) and is in a very unnatural position.

Really, what is the story behind this cake? inquireing minds want to know.

these coaches/parents are to blame for the soccer CCCs. I bet the wreckerators do a *faceslap* every time they get an order for one, knowing' it's pointless.

chances are, the cupcakes are being given out to the kids after their last game on a soccer field somewhere where there's no cutlery for cutting and eating. pizza is a "fingerfood," too.

now, individual soccer balls would be cute, but yet another nightmare for the wreckerator. they should make it even easier--a green iced cupcake with a plastic flotsam soccer ball on each individually iced cupcake. voila. soccer celebrated.

wv: foroast. when something stupid is going to be made fun of. CCC soccer ball cakes are immediately foroast(ing). Either that, or we're talking a planned BBQ menu. or CCC bonfire.

The bee cake is my favorite! My nick name is Bee and one year my sister got me a birthday card that explained on the front how bees make honey. On the inside it says "So when I say I hope your birthday is sweeter than bee barf I mean it as a good thing!"...so those bees are just barfing up honey! It's a totally natural occurrence in nature, I'm just pretty sure it's not neon orange ;)

Okay, so I'm late, but I have to post it anyway... cake #3 is clearly a failed attempt at the Hot Wheels Spin Out cupcake cake! http://www.birthdaydirect.com/hot-wheels-spin-out-cake-decorating-kit-1-p-12054.htmlCan't believe I actually stumbled across the answer!-Ellen

#9 is in a class by itself. At the insistence of other cakes, in an effort to avoid contamination. Is that condensation on the inside of the cover? Or perhaps some sort of vapor was given off by... excuse me!

All better now -- as long as I don't look at #9 again. Ever.

#10 Who commissioned this -- Sam Peckinpah? The creator of 'Mr. Bill'? I don't know that this is the most disturbing wreck yet, but it is definitely in the top 10. It looks as though the referee's hands would be dragging the ground if he stood, but that might be stretching things a bit.

You know, I'm so far out of the whole decorated cake loop that I wasn't aware of the existence of um, cupcake creations..until I started looking through more of your posts. The more of them I see the better I understand your opinion of them. Wow. The human imagination sure can be..interesting.

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A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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