You're allowed to be sweet, but never too girly. Be fun, but not too frivolous. Be tempting, but don't call too much attention to yourself.

Do these stipulations describe a man, or his choice of beverage?

Romantic comedies, commercials and print ads have all damned men who enjoy sipping pretty drinks out of hurricane glasses with umbrellas for decades. In a world where men have claimed dominance over nearly every frontier, society still cannot seem to accept that it’s OK for men to like sweet, “feminine” drinks.

Women, too, are experiencing sexism at the bar. From craft beer to whiskey, women are participating in the alcohol discourse and openly enjoying beverages that were formerly favored by men. But women and alcohol are still an uncomfortable mix — it seems socially expected that women choose drinks that are “coded” as feminine.

And something strange is happening beyond the bar stool. The more a typically “male” beverage is enjoyed by women, the harder manufacturers seem to push a masculine angle.

Clearly, there’s a contradiction in the world of alcohol: Brands producing “masculine” coded products are desperately seeking women to enjoy their products, but not to enjoy them so much that the perception of the product shifts toward “feminine." Meanwhile, “female” coded products are perpetuating gender roles that insist no true man should enjoy something sweet and fruity.

This twisted double standard begs an important question: What’s so wrong with “girly” drinks?

Men are bitter, women are sweet

The concept of “gendered” alcohol stems from long-held beliefs about masculinity and femininity.

Joan Meyers-Levy, professor of marketing at the University of Minnesota Carlson School of Management, describes the male relationship with masculinity as "precarious."

"It's all coming from gender roles that are in part learned and in part biological. We learn that males are expected to be agentic — aggressive, responsible, authoritative — whereas the female role is to be communal, more friendly and helpful. And for women, that role is something we're supposedly endowed with; we're viewed as being naturally communal from birth. Our role is less in jeopardy than for men, whose role is more difficult to achieve and needs to be earned," Meyers-Levy said.

"(Men) need a sort of repeated social proof that you fit, that you have those traits, which explains why in advertising the males are displayed as strong and masculine, and avoiding anything that smacks of something female or weak."

In a 2016 essay for the Journal of International Women’s Studies, Emily Nicholls argues that “whilst men’s alcohol consumption has long held positive associations with masculinity and toughness, women’s drinking — particularly in public — has historically been labelled a threat to health, respectability and femininity itself.”

It seems that women drinking masculine-coded beverages like beer or whiskey has always caused discomfort in traditionally masculinized spaces like pubs and bars. Sally Jackula, who founded St. Cloud's Women and Beer group in 2014, said that when men find out she's a member of a women-only beer club they tend to make uncomfortable and lewd comments.

"Last week a guy asked me, 'If I tuck, can I come?' "

Likewise, drinks made popular by women — like the Cosmopolitan, which rose to fame on the back of “Sex & the City”’s fashionable women-about-town — have historically had negative connotations for the men who may enjoy them.

But what constitutes a “girly” drink? It’s not necessarily just that women enjoy them.

In a 2014 article for “Slate.com”, author Katy Waldman offers some possible explanations, one being that stereotypically “manly” drinks are usually bitter and intended to be sipped slowly, negating any desire for a quick buzz — a desire that "serious" drinkers might look down upon. Furthermore, “only tough people seek out stuff that tastes ‘bad’— think about the virile rumble in phrases like ‘stiff drink’ and ‘hard liquor’” Waldman said in the article.

So perhaps it is the long-standing association with strength and virility that makes women enjoying beer or whiskey so itchy for men in the world of alcohol, and perhaps it is that same notion that makes men reject sweet, easy-to-drink “girly” beverages — at least in public.

Marketing and media reinforce stereotypes about appropriate drinks for men and women.(Photo: Ryan McVay, Getty Images)

What your drink order says about you

Before you insist that your bar experiences have always been inclusive, take note: Gender bias at bars is happening here and now.

"There's definitely some sexism. As much as I want to say there isn’t, that would be a lie," said Karla Christen, who has tended bar at Schiffler's Liquor in Albany for 12 years. "I personally don't feel that there are (gendered beverages), but the way I see them ordered, there absolutely is. I honestly don't think I've ever seen a man order a Malibu and diet, or a Michelob Ultra."

Christen says she believes society is to blame for the concept of gendered drinks. "Even if a drink is colored a certain way, or garnished with a fruit, people consider them girly. I think it’s their peers that make them feel that way. They give them crap if they have fruit on their drink."

Charlie Dominick, bar manager at the Veranda Lounge, agrees.

"If there's a group of four guys at the bar, and three of them order a craft beer but the last guy orders a can-can martini, they're gonna give him some crap for it," he said. "But the thing is, they don't know how good that can-can martini is, and they also don't realize how 'meh' their beer might be."

While men seem to get the brunt of the negativity, women are also subjected to alcohol gender bias. Jackula said she's been subject to sexist comments based on her interest in beer.

"I was at a bar recently and overheard two guys talking, and one said, 'Yeah, I was gonna get that fruit beer, but I heard that’s what women drink, and I didn’t want to look like a wuss,' ” she said. "To me it's the same as 'you run like a girl' or 'you throw like a girl.' Come on, we're all just people."

Stereotypes give drinkers the impression that whiskey is a man's drink.(Photo: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Manliness, marketing and the myth of the 'cool girl'

While marketing is just one of many pieces to the gender-bias puzzle, Meyers-Levy cedes that "sexist marketing perpetuates traditional gender roles."

"(Marketing) is only making those gender roles stronger," she said. "So then you're uncomfortable buying a product that doesn't match your gender."

Meyers-Levy also said that the reason products typically enjoyed by women sometimes get full-blown marketing treatments to woo men is because companies cannot afford for men — who make up 72 percent of the beer market alone, according to Nielsen — to ignore their product. However, it is significantly more difficult to get men to purchase items that are stereotyped as feminine.

In her Slate.com article, Waldman describes the plight of the modern marketer trying to balance male and female consumers. "Hard liquor commercials are in a tight spot — on the one hand, they want to beguile female customers by trading on the myth of the cool girl, but pushing the narrative of female whiskey-drinkers too hard might drive men away."

The "myth of the cool girl," as Waldman puts it, is a pervasive but little-discussed ideology in our world, perhaps best summarized by author Gillian Flynn in her novel "Gone Girl": "Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer ... because Cool Girls are above all hot."

We've seen the myth of the cool girl everywhere, without realizing it: Think back on those Superbowl ads featuring supermodels eating gigantic cheeseburgers or dancing in football uniforms with a beer in hand. And the "cool girl" isn't the only idealized woman that advertisers employ to woo men. Consider the female archetypes described in a 2013 video featuring actress Amber Heard, which was produced to promote the film “Syrup”.

In the video, Heard’s character tells the audience that “men categorize women in four ways: mothers, virgins, sluts, and bitches.” These four categories appear in liquor ads in spades. Whether it’s a scantily clad woman making eyes at the viewer from across a dimly lit room or a sweet girl-next-door holding a phallic bottle of vodka over her white picket fence, women in alcohol advertisements are prizes to be won.

A 2007 Heineken commercial came under fire from ad critic Bob Garfield, who described it as "the most sexist beer commercial ever produced." It features a woman dehumanized: She's portrayed as mindless fem-bot, complete with the unrealistic hip-to-waist ratio of a Barbie doll and perfectly coiffed June Cleaver hair, whose body opens up to reveal the one thing male consumers might be more interested in than the female body — a beer keg.

But it’s not just women who suffer at the hands of sexist advertising. Men are subject to societal cues in popular media as well as advertisements that teach them to feel shame at enjoying things women also enjoy. In an episode of the CBS sitcom “How I Met Your Mother,” the character Marshall expresses frustration at not being able to drink “girly” drinks and is immediately met with judgment from his best friend, Ted.

Marshall: (Mocking his wife) Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like but can't order because they'll be made fun of.

Ted: Dude.

Marshall: They're delicious!

Just as male-coded beverages are designed to be utterly off-limits to women, female-coded beverages are equally off-limits to men.

"For both genders, there's backlash if you associate yourself with the other gender's product," Meyers-Levy said.

So is it any wonder that women might feel uncomfortable ordering scotch on the rocks, or that men might shy away from ordering a Sex on the Beach?

Safety in numbers

Locally, groups of like-minded enthusiasts have banded together to create safe spaces away from scrutiny and expectation. Jackula's Women and Beer group meets regularly to discuss craft beer and brewing, and she says it has become a judgment-free haven for women who enjoy drinking.

"There’s never a time where any of the women have been afraid to ask a question, or to sound stupid," she said. Jackula said some members have been the catalyst for their male partners developing an interest in craft beer. "The members are kind of leading the way, so that people can see that women know just as much as men."

"It’s empowering. There’s not a lot of women in the industry, so I’m proud of it, really."

Molly Clark is the co-president of the Twin Cities chapter of Women Who Whiskey, an international organization dedicated to giving members "the opportunity to learn about varieties of whiskeys and cocktail culture, and to join a network of like-minded women with a taste for curiosity and strong drinks." Clark says that groups like Women Who Whiskey are important because they foster education and camaraderie over the enjoyment of alcohol that women might not otherwise experience.

"There's a sense of sisterhood in our group, because we're not out to look down on anyone for what they do or don't enjoy," Clark said.

"It gets back to this whole thing that women historically have not been raised in a way that also incorporates teaching them how to drink. You know, 'This is what a good Scotch tastes like, son' — that sort of thing happens with men. With a women’s group, we’re teaching each other in as gentle a way as a family member might."

And while there may not yet be a local group dedicated to men who enjoy lemon drop martinis, it seems the gender divide in the world of liquor may be steadily but surely growing smaller.

"I think people are a lot more comfortable now just doing whatever the hell they want," Dominick said. "I'm seeing people order stuff all across the board. My outlook in this industry has always been that alcohol is the great equalizer."

Follow Alyssa Zaczek on Twitter @sctimesalyssa, email her at azaczek@stcloudtimes.com, or call her at 255-8761.