16/01/2014

New research has found which women make the best wives. "Oooh, useful research," you may think, and you'd be unsurprisingly wrong.

The study found that women called Katie, Sophie and Louise make the best wives. I'm not sure what you're meant to do with this information. If you are a single man you could refuse to marry anyone apart from Katie/Sophie/Louise but if you have already have a wife what can you do? Talk her into changing it by Deed Poll?

And if it only works with people who have already had that name it's still a craps shoot, it's not like all Katies are a safe bet. For every Melua and Holmes you get a Price or a Hopkins. For every Louise Nurding there's a Louise Redknapp.

They ran the same figures for men and the best husbands are men named David, Andrew and Daniel. So if you know any couples who are called Katie and David feel free to go right ahead and hate them already.

They broke down the research into different traits. Sarahs and Emilys were likely to be kind and caring. So Prince Andrew let a good one go. Women named Charlotte and Elizabeth were seen as particularly desirable. So at least Prince Andrew's dad landed a keeper.

A spokesman for the company that did the survey said: "Every time we hear mention of a name we naturally associate particular values or impressions based on our past experiences."

He's right. Try calling your kid Adolf and see how his school years go.

He went on: "It seems certain names tend to crop up more than others when thinking about the qualities of a good husband or wife and the lists no doubt make interesting reading to many."

Well, it only makes interesting reading to those people whose names come up in the list. If you're not in it you probably think it's a load of rubbish. And that's why I mentioned it on this site, in at number 10 in the top 10 best husbands, Stephen. So ladies, you know what that means? When 9 other men have turned you down... *waves*