The Mens 10 x 100 metre dit-spinning relay. Gun goes off....BANG! First runner thinks of a dit. Runs like fu*k to the next runner in his team and hands over his dit to him, and then he legs it, and so on and so forth. The winner is the team whose dit at the end of the race sounds absolutely fu*k all like the first bit of the dit that the first team runner thought of, when he started to spin his dit, as he legged it down the track.

The Mens 10 x 100 metre dit-spinning relay. Gun goes off....BANG! First runner thinks of a dit. Runs like fu*k to the next runner in his team and hands over his dit to him, and then he legs it, and so on and so forth. The winner is the team whose dit at the end of the race sounds absolutely fu*k all like the first bit of the dit that the first team runner thought of, when he started to spin his dit, as he legged it down the track.

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Already been thought of as the game of Chinese Whispers.I expect the Chinks already have a team trained up and ready to win the gold medal should it be suggested for the Limpix.

The Travellers Marathon. A 26 mile road race using uninsured Ford Transits with no tax or MOT and a 2nd hand caravan. Teams have to race along roads, heading towards a field behind a disused MFI Warehouse where they have to set up camp and turn it into a shit-tip in under three hours. The winners will definitely be a team that speak some sort of vague English-type language.....so it sort of counts.

The run ashore triathalon.You are up top in a blue suit, when you hear finished with main engines, you have to get down to the grot and change into civvies, extra points can be awarded if you have a RA bath and dhobi before putting on the civvies, pack a grip with 2 weeks crabby gear and get back up on to the jetty, flag down a fast black and direct him to the Star of Bombay, where you have to scoff down a Vindaloo, two Banana fritters and 6 pints of lager, points can be awarded if Naans are ordered with the meal, points will be lost if at any time during the meal you call any member of staff “John”, retrospective points can be awarded if you do not follow through before turn to the next day.