Tuesday, July 28, 2009

My blueberries taste like Lysol again

Remember as part of my new year’s resolutions I started using organic cleaners? So not kill my own brain cells? Right, well I did. Then yesterday some scruby guy started CLEANING our office. I say CLEANING IN CAPS because I never IN MY WHOLE LIFES have seen an office space scrubbed in this manner. Normally, I am a fervent advocate of such cleanliness and sanitation, however NOT in a confined space with six offices, ten cubicles AND NO VENTILATION! Yesterday he was here for FIVE HOURS! SPRAYING, SPRAYING, SPRAYING. He was wiping down the filing cabinets for shit sakes!! THEN I almost lost it on him, psycho style, when he started spraying some hideous smelling chemical cleaner INTO THE AIR! He said this would “cover up” the smell of the other god awful things he was spraying.

The whole thing made me want to VOM all afternoon. Thankfully he took his cleaning kart and left.

UNTIL TODAY WHEN HE WAS BACK!! SPRAYING, SPRAYING, SPRAYING!! I don’t know what he’s trying to procrastinate from doing, but wildly spraying cleaner in our work space is not a good use of his time, IMO. I actually hate him now. I HAVE CHOSEN not to subject myself to cleaners at home and now I am being forced to breath cleaning products for TWO DAYS STRAIGHT.

Yes. This is a rant. Yes, I’m losing my mind. Did I mention that we have to put in a special request for our office to be vacuumed? There is a crusty piece of lunch that has been sitting on the carpet under my desk for six months and then this guy shows up WITHOUT A VACUUM but armed with seventy spray bottles?? It’s like he used to work at the mall spraying perfume on people, but now has this job instead.

My friend S (who has her own office and is mostly away from the fumes) says I should do one of three things:

1) Ask him if he has some organic cleaners or at least something less offensive2) Ask him to be done because there is no ventilation in our offices3) Call his boss and ask her if he can be done

All of these options SOUP-ER SUCK if you ask me. How can I ask him to stop subjecting ME to toxins when it’s HIS JOB to subject HIMSELF to toxins? It’s not like I’m better, I’m just bitchier and winy-ier and cleaner dislike-ier. Those are all words, so shut up.

I just want to SCREAM and run around like that whacked out chick with the frizzy hair who just took a shower and spiders came out of the spout and started laying eggs IN HER FACE. I’m that girl right now! Where’s my mind? Because I’m pretty sure I just lost it.

Maybe you could ask him to vacuum instead, or politely find out what cleaning schedule he's on. Point out that he just showed up out of nowhere, and you're confused about what to expect from him. Then at least you'd have some idea of when he's leaving.

Also, you could buy a breathing mask to wear in your cube or come up with a fake allergy. Those might be funnier/sneakier ways to get him to take his fumes and run.

I totally understand your frustration and sudden burst of insanity. (Sorry, but you have to admit you come off a little bonkers...) :D

When my coworker sprays her god-awful perfume in the office it gives me the biggest headache and makes me feel so sick to my stomach. I complain to my boss and she talks to the offending colleague and tells her to not spray things in the office anymore. And then, like magic... a few months go by and she "forgets." And we go through the whole process all over again.

P.S. My other coworker has compared the smell of the perfume to that of urinal cakes. I don't know what urinal cakes smell like but it sounds like a pretty accurate description.

Tam

Hello internets, it's me, Tam. I'm a spunky, red-headed, public health enthusiast with aspirations of one day becoming the Surgeon General. I document the moments when life is hard/funny/bearable and the things that make my heart smile. July 4, 2008 I married a medical student. He really is the “man of my dreams,” cliché I know, but I did have a lot of dreams about him before we got hitched. He killed me in one of them.

If you can excuse my runonsentences and poor comma usage, I invite you to stay awhile. Laugh with me!