The Clements’ IVF Journey

July 9, 2009

Complain about what is quoted in my blog from publicly-viewable sources and I’ll just link directly to it instead of quoting and altering usernames for a little privacy and not quoting. See, I believe in the Constitution of this country, and that included the first amendment as well as others ensuring that the first amendment isn’t abused (slander/libel, yelling Fire in a crowded building, etc.), and if what I’m quoting from a public source is relevant to what I am saying, then what’s the problem? Don’t say something publicly that you wouldn’t want quoted. Oh well, I guess I’ll just link instead of quoting, and one’s words will be linked directly to them rather than to an altered username. (Also WordPress has NO problem with quoting from public sources – it’s not illegal activity.)

Something I’m seeing more and more, in even just the last couple weeks, people who with to stifle the rights of others for their personal convenience. Well, if our leaders decided withhold rights, citizens freak, such as happened wen Bush suspended habeas corpus. It’s sad to think of my child being raised to bend over backward and walk away from Constitution rights because one person says so. We have Constitutional rights so we have some freedom in this country. If you value people having no rights, move to China.

Hi I have a clearblue fertility monitor and a box of 19 test sticks and a brand new box that has 30 in it I am asking best offer for all of it I will not separate I no longer need it because well I am pregnant and due in December I have to say that this monitor does work but it did take me 3 months to become pregnant (if you read about the monitor others had the same problem ) . I bought this brand new off amazon it took me 3 months to become pregnant and I havent used it for 3 months so its about 6 months old there is nothing wrong with it at all .Please email ms_[impatient]@yahoo.com if you have any questions or want to offer me a price

OR I am willing to trade for anything to do with a baby ( maybe this is your second time trying for a baby and you want to plan it )(clothes ,toys etc. )

The highlighting it mine (and I changed part of the e-mail address). Since when is taking just three months to get pregnant a “problem”? Seriously, she thinks it is a problem? Though most people see a doctor after one year, taking up to TWO full years to conceive is completely normal.

Also, sewing curtains to put above a cradle from Ikea doesn’t make that cradle “one of a kind.” That anyone would think so is kind of clueless. Oh, but the “one of a kind” factor did result in the seller asking for more than the cradle would cost new.

If you know you or your spouse have a medical condition that has an almost guaranteed chance of passing to a child of one gender but not the other, why on earth go through gender selection to specifically have that gender? I’m on a pregnancy forum, and one woman there mentioned her husband has a genetic disorder that will pass to a son, and it includes infertility. On the infertility issue,

we decided to still go thru with gender selection for a boy. The way Dh looks at it is:

” we have to pay good money for him then he can do the same thing”

Now is it just me, or is this very sad? She and her husband had to go through IVF to conceive this child. They know the heartbreak and cost and hope and hope shattered when there’s no pregnancy. So why on earth specifically aim for a child of the gender you know will have to go through the same thing? I can fully understand going through gender selection to try to have a child of the gender who won’t have to experience the heartbreak as a certainty. But to intentionally put a child through it? Even having a random gender embryo isn’t bad. Gender selection is thousands of dollars per try on top of all the other costs. But why spend those thousands to try making sure the baby will be the gender that will have to grow up and face infertility?

“We had to, so he can do it too,” is a cruel way to look at it. Will the husband feel better if his misery in infertility has company from his son?

And before anyone wonders why I’m having a baby when my health isn’t perfect, we’ve been through genetic screening. None of my conditions are genetic. All are environmental. I’ve been tested for being a carrier of many things, from various trisomies to hearing conditions. If testing can be done for it, I’ve done it. I’m as genetically “clean” as it’s possible to be when it comes to the things that can have prior testing. (I’m on an egg donor registry, obviously inactive right now, and this includes in-depth testing too.)

I’m not going to begrudge anyone from wanting a child and having one knowing there’s a chance a kid can be hit with something. What I can’t understand is specifically aiming, and paying thousands more, for a child who is going to have the same problem. It seems to me good parents should do what they can to prevent their children from being seriously ill or having a condition that could shatter them, if there’s a way to do so, rather than to aim for a child who is ill or has that condition solely because raising Y gender would be more fun than X for Y parent. They get the fun of boy-stuff, and the child will grow up to pay for it, and they know it. They had to pay, so it’s just fine to make their child suffer the same way, and to pay for the increased chance of having that child who will have to suffer. But what’s it to them? They got to have their fun with their child. Hopefully that child will win a lot of money or something if he wants to have children, and good luck being infertile in the dating world.

Aria, you’re going to be the proud parent of a baby girl, and just look- isn’t she just so damn cute! Based on our remote test results, your beautiful baby girl will weigh about 7 lbs, 16 oz and have blonde hair and hazel eyes. Truly a Wonder To Behold!

The Daddy Is . . .
Jesse Jackson

Wow, talk about “Family Values”. As Jesse would say, “The implications of my impregnations has caused contemplation across the nation!”

LOL!

And Rachel’s right, not feeling the way I do would be cause for concern. Though it’s not enjoyable, I wouldn’t wish any of this away.

Two weeks and one day before we should be able to hear heartbeats. Seriously, how can anyone say that a living thing with a BEATING HEART is just a clump of cells? Hell if I know. I just know we’ll be crying in there. I’m excited to get to see the doctor. Last time I cried in front of her was in frustration. I think we’ll have to take her cookies or something.

Tomorrow I’ll share a couple of my fur-kids and our adventure today. Well, not really an adventure, but a day of fun!

Also I’m dealing with a Bartholin’s cyst. It’s painful and stings. I’m going to try some sit baths and see if I can’t get it close enough to the surface to lance. I’ve lanced abscesses before (I’ve got a very high pain tolerance for things I do to myself), and would rather avoid antibiotics or anything like that.

It’s odd how I both am thinking, “Damn, I don’t want to feel nauseated and achy and tired and headachy and my tummy in knots,” but on the other hand, I know I’m lucky to get to be in this position. It is bad of me to complain about feeling blah when it’s a step I must take to get what we want?

I know there are many MANY people in this country who are in the position of needing IVF to have a baby. But this isn’t the UK. You either have a lot of money, the ability to get into a ton of debt, insurance that might cover a little bit of something, or a combination of those. Two years ago I had none of them (if you don’t use credit AT ALL, then it’s surprisingly hard to start once you try – being able to live within your means doesn’t sow responsibility to the credit bureaus, and your credit score really is a measure of how much interest can be made off of you, which is why paying on a card for five years looks better than paying it in full every month).

And then we got insurance that covers some, even if it has been a fight to get them to pay, but it was enough to get us in the door at Stanford, and then into debt from there. I don’t even like to think about how much debt we have right now, but oh well. I guess $15,000 or so isn’t so bad in the scheme of things. The average debt including all non-home loans that Americans have is far more than that. So we’re in good shape.

And we really are lucky to “get” to have this kind of debt. It’s not the kind for a plasma tv and other things we don’t need and will throw out in ten years. It’s for something for the rest of our lives. A baby is worth it.

Still, I’m wanting to complain about feeling like hell, like I’ve been beaten with a bag of bricks. How I feel right now is comparable to the chemo I had, though not quite as bad just yet. It’s only a bag of bricks versus being smacked with a big-rig truck.

I am nauseated a lot and have been throwing up a lot, a few times just barely making it to the bathroom and not even getting over the bowl properly. Poor toilet seat. So naturally this makes me worry about whether or not I’m taking in enough calories and nutrients, though I haven’t been losing weight, so I guess that’s okay, right? I’m also taking Centrum multi-vitamins with two additional calcium/magnesium/zinc supplements, and 800mg of folic acid.

Also, completely off-topic, but I thought that this story is very sweet. A couple divorced after 27 years of marriage, and then the ex-husband needed a kidney transplant. The ex-wife volunteered to be tested and was a match. Through all of this, they fell in love again, and remarried 17 years after they divorced. 🙂 I love these heart-warming stories

“Well, first, our neighbors have a baby. The only sound that gets through the walls is their baby. Often. Doesn’t matter which room I’m in, I can hear their baby. And it makes me want to slam my head into the walls.”

You know what?

With your sorry attitude, you don’t deserve a baby!!!

How very fortunate you are to not know the pain of infertility and how the sound of a baby is like salt on an open wound. I can’t even to into my own home to escape it because the sound is on the other side of the wall. So how about you come out from behind cowardly anonymity and tell me why that piece you quoted from my last entry is a bad attitude that makes me undeserving of a baby. If you won’t identify yourself, then you’re welcome to shut up.