Discover what happens after the break-up

Day 42 After Break Up-Change is Coming

It is time.It’s probably been past time.I cannot go on like this.Yes, seven years is a long time.Yes, I have shared times and intimacies with Tina that I have not with anyone else.Yes, no one loses something like this unscathed.But yes, life must move on.Yes, life goes on.And finally, yes I must do the same thing.

For five weeks I have lamented, cried, and despaired over the loss of the person I felt was my “Beloved.”This blog has been my personal journal, and voice to all that have come across my writings on this painful journey of mine.I’ve poured out my emotions and focused almost completely on what losing Tina has done to me.I’ve fought the reality of the situation, and tried to make sense of it all.

That is now done.The tenor and tone of this blog is now going to change toward the journey of rebuilding my life.I’m sure that I’m not over the emotional pain of having someone you love tell you and the world that they no longer want you, or that you are not good enough.If there was any thinking in my mind that that phase was done, it was shot down this evening when I got an alert from Myspace that Tina’s profile had been updated.The single line of “engaged” changed to “single” sent reverberations through my head, heart, and stomach.The queasy feeling of wanting to vomit returned full force.In my mind’s eye, I could see her ex-boyfriend, rubbing his hands together in glee, and anticipation.It didn’t matter that I had decided to let the glimmer of false hope in me go this afternoon.The universe still decided to test my resolve, and to just send me the message that my dark days are not fully over.How else can I explain her changing her profile 5 weeks after the split on the very day, I decide I need to let go completely, and accept what has been unacceptable to me?It hurts.It burns.It does not matter.

I will now focus on relating how I’m progressing in moving forward in life, alone for now, but not forever.I will write about the goals I work on to make me feel good about my life, and how I learn slowly to love again, trust again, and how I learn—hopefully—to choose a better person to share my life with.Not that Tina is a bad person, but that she obviously does not believe in committing to the one you love, and I need to find someone that believes that once you find that person, and you stick with them.

I pray I find her.I’m not perfect.I know I have flaws.But I believe I’m a good person.I believe I have a lot to offer.I know I have a lot of love in my heart to share and give.And I believe that I deserve someone that would never let me go, no matter what.

4 Responses

Ah. It never fails. I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that your resolve was tested by Tina’s updated status on MySpace. Apparently, you passed with flying colors, because you held on to your “move on” plan.

In spite of the aching heart and queasy stomach, you are consciously working to rebuild your life without the person who promised to spend that life with you.

That, Joe Blessing, is a beautiful day in your neighborhood! I look forward to following this journey with you. I traveled my own similar road, and couldn’t believe what a beautiful “pot of gold” sits along the path.

I agree that it’s not a coincidence that you saw Tina’s MySpace status on the day you chose to move on. I think it confirms what you need to do and may your new direction in life fill you with spiritual growth, emotional strength, and the knowledge that life is to be lived.