Hank Thompson and the Brazos Valley Boys is going cheap this year, ‘cuz he’s gonna “Wrap My Heart in Ribbons” for you this Christmas. It is the most he can give. Gentle country swing is the least he can do.

Poor folk don’t get much under the “Christmas Tree.” If they’re good they tremble in song about how they should give away what paltry bit they do get to another sufferer–even a piece of pie! Gospel folk from Significant Others makes this sacrifice a family legend.

Most of the romance around the Christmas tree has been noted elsewhere, but Chris Zindie ‘s chanty odd folk “All I Want Under the Christmas Tree” describes a gift that’s big and heavy (it’s you). I wanted the poor guy to escape the notice of the romantic police, ’cause he’s in trouble for his fun little song.

Funnyman Rodney Carrington tries on big band swing for “The Presents Under the Tree (Better be for Me).” He does care what he gets, and he’s a bit judgy.

“Nerdy Christmas Tree” from Losing Lara challenges you to reconsider the tree as a collection delivery system. Rocking folk.

One ‘ornament’ you might not have considered is the Christmas tree train that got laid out on the floor all the way around. Artese N Toad wring their hankies over “Daddy’s Old Train box 2007.” Then Schnitzel honky tonks “Christmas Tree Train” just right.

Parry Gripp goes imaginatively, juvenilely delusional with “Christmas Tree in the Lot.” Some kid sleeps with one eye on the window watching the tree for sale across the street. Is that tree lonely, just like him? No, it’s dead, but in a cool folk-song way.

The original was delivered on John Denver’s 1974 album Back Home Again… the live version on his 1975 album An Evening with John Denver–released as a single and went to No. 1 on both the Billboard magazine Hot Country Singles and Billboard Hot 100 charts… topped both charts for one week each, first the country chart (on May 31), and the Hot 100 chart a week later… one of six songs released in 1975 that topped both the Billboard Hot 100 and Billboard Hot Country Singles charts.

[digressive shout out to hardcore parodist and Italian guitar banger Il Magico Mitico Ale who churned out a couple dozen parodeus-es to–mostly Italian aria–songs in ’16. Many are unintelligible and forced, but his whimsical take on “Take Me Home, Country Roads” the ’71 Denver #2 hit stands out.]

Now make room for Jolly Joel Kopishke to show you a true Santa believer in “Thank God I’m a Santa Boy.”

Granted most E-impersonators’d rather cover ‘Blue,’ a few have tried on the swivel hips for Xmas songs he never sung.

Steve King and Planetdance Elves attempt to raise the geriatric with “Mistletoe and Wine.” Not a standard yule number, but it smells like Vegas. A-huh.

Many other auteurs have brand new songs that swing and sway like rockabilly, which attracts a certain sneer, and well, Elvis just comes natch’ally. (Most of these have been categorized before; most of these bear repeats.)

Now that we’ve treated the musicians who have treated us, take a cue from that last magnificent number and honor the images from our TVs and screens: the real stars of the American scene: actors.

Marion Mitchell Morrison was an instant movie star after nearly ten years of work. He headlined westerns through the ’40s, ’50s, and ’60s, eventually falling into an old man icon in TV skits in time for the counter culture to reject him as The Man. In retrospect he stands tall in the saddle, a American hero who’d rather explain it to you with his fists than his mumbling.

Rebecca Perschbacher sings “I Want John Wayne for Christmas” as a true fan.