Because crammed into that brief little headline is an extremely concise, precise analysis of that which has been ailing the Republican Party for quite some time now. They don’t know it of course because a few too many of them view that particular ailment as something to brag about. One person’s crown of thorns is another’s snazzy derby.

Look, I’ll give it to you straight: Republicans are absolutely, 100% hypocrites if you take their blather about marriage and family at face value. But you’re not supposed to take it at face value. We all understand, or most of us not named “Hilary Towers” do, that “marriage” and “family” are all code words the right uses to mean good, old-fashioned gay-bashing, lady-controlling, child-abusing patriarchy. Straight white men get a behavior exemption from their moralism and god-bothering, as long as they make sure to repeat the pious bullshit that is used strictly to justify stripping women of reproductive rights, stifling gay rights, and treating children like property instead of full human beings in their own right. Taking a mistress is not in violation of their actual, pro-patriarchy values. In fact, nothing says you’re a powerful man who runs things like being able to fuck whoever you want, regardless of who it hurts, while making other people’s lives miserable for their own private sexual choices. Even those that are made by us boring people who aren’t causing personal pain and suffering with our choices.