Beaver: “Well, I took my Kindle to the playground. I told Whitey about all the books in it, and he broke it open, on accounta he wanted to see the books in it. Gee, Wally, I don’t know what I’m gonna do!”

Eddie: “You’re in trouble now, Squirt. You’re old man’s gonna blow his top for sure! You’ll be lucky if you ever see anything with a plug again.”

Beaver: “You really think so, Wally? That’d be swell. I don’t wanna not have plugs again. How would I watch TV?”

Scene 4

In the Cleaver family room. Beaver and Wally are there, looking worried. June is in a dust mask and pearls, cleaning the air vent. Ward enters

Ward: ‘Well, Beaver, I just got off the phone with Amazon.”

Beaver: “Am I in trouble? Do I gotta go to jail for bustin’ it?”

Wally: “Beaver, they don’t send kids to jail for bustin’ stuff…they wouldn’t have enough room for the real bad guys.”

June: “What did they say, Dear?”

Ward: “They’re going to send us another one.”

Beaver: “Do you gotta pay for it?”

Ward: “I wasn’t the one who broke it, Beaver. Who do you think should pay for it?”

Beaver: “Whitey? He’s the one who busted it.”

Ward: “That would be between him and Mr. Whitney. When we agreed that we would get you this Kindle, we agreed that you would be responsible for it.”

Beaver: “Yeah, I guess so. I shouldn’t oughta of taken it where Whitey could bust it. But gee, Dad, I only got forty-five cents…does it cost more than that?”

Ward: “I think that will just about cover it.”

(Beaver and Wally trudge upstairs)

June: “Ward, it can’t cost only forty-five cents.”

Ward: “No, Dear, you’re right. They are actually replacing it for free.”

June: “So why did you want Beaver to get his forty-five cents?”

Ward: “I just want to teach him a lesson, so he’ll be more responsible with his things in the future.”

Epilogue

In the Cleaver boys’ bedroom. Beaver is laying on his bed looking at his new Kindle

Wally: “It was pretty swell of Dad not to take your forty-five cents.”

Beaver: “Yeah…how come he did that, Wally?”

Wally: “Oh, he just wanted to teach you a lesson in the first place…but then he couldn’t go through with it. Adults are like that: they like to say stuff, but they don’t always like to do it. That way, he can seem like he’s being a good father, but he’s really still just Dad.”

Beaver: “I guess so.”

Wally: “Whatcha readin’?”

Beaver: “Oh, I’m not reading nothing: I’m playing Minesweeper. I don’t wanna be a square.”

Wally: “Yeah…you don’t want to be a square and a goof.”

End Credits

—

This is a parody of the classic Leave It To Beaver TV series. As in any parody, I’ve exaggerated aspects of it. When I went to watch a few episodes to help me recapture the rhythm and the characters (I did used to watch it, but it’s been some time), I was surprised to not find it easily streaming. I think that may be a mistake on the part of the studio…it may be hard for older programs to find new viewers if they are only available for purchase or on scheduled TV. On demand will increasingly be the way kids see shows. By the way, yes, I am that geeky that I even research my parodies…and as a kid, it was rare that people saw me without a book. ;)

Well, I guess my side won’t be calling you as a witness in my infringement trail, if any. ;)

For me to be able to use characters under copyright protection like this, I have to be parodying them…making fun of something about them by exaggerating it, typically.

In my defense on this one, I would cite:

* June cleaning the air vent in a dust mask. While we were aware of her cleaning, that’s really beyond what we would see.
* I’ve made Ward more chauvinist than he was…that “your turn to look pretty line” is above and beyond
* Similarly, I don’t think Eddie would really have made the comments about girls and glasses
* I’ve also exaggerated June and food…the “French toast” thing is a bit out of left field, as is the “hot soup”

About a year or so ago, I bought the complete “Leave It to Beaver” set when it was an Amazon Gold Box special, and whenever I go home for lunch, I’ll watch an episode. I’m currently in the middle of season 5. Which is all to say that you did a great job of getting the voices and slang of the characters.

The only correction I might make: instead of Wally saying that Eddie would give him “a razzing” if he saw Wally with a book, I think he’d more likely say that Eddie would give him “the business.” It means the same thing, but that was one term they used a lot. Anyway, you did such a good job I felt like I should have been eating lunch when I read it!

I’m flattered! You’re right, “the business” would probably have been better. I did watch a couple of episodes to remind me (I’m sure I’ve seen them all at some point). but that one didn’t show up. When you say it, though, it’s familiar.