Well, as peropic said, this is a very popular topic. I always enjoy adding my perspective to this while reading those of my brothers, too.

For me, I can't remember having any SSA before my abuse started and actually took several of my father's playboys and other skin mags to look at in our basement and with my friends, too.

I was abused by one of my female babysitters just before my homosexual csa started and loved the experience even though it was abuse. It seemed totally natural to do the things she asked me to do to her.

After my first homosexual CSA, I didn't feel right but of course, I was just violated and it was a horrible experience from the location to what he did to me (again, this is all spelled out in my story below)

Then, when my parent's drug dealing friend started abusing me, just like the first guy who abused me, he knew right where to touch me to get an arousal and it was also in my own home instead of a very dark room.

After hundreds of encounters, how could I not become conditioned to and desire homosexual relations?

So, for me and I see many others, our CSA did affect our sexuality. Just as I am sure that many of us CSA survivors were born gay and being abused by men or other boys may have only confirmed this sexual proclivity.

Even before but for sure since getting help for my abuse, I have returned to being mostly heterosexual and could never see myself in a gay relationship but don't care if others chose that for themselves.

I would caution against anyone KNOWING what causes or doesn't cause homosexuality since it appears that both nature and nurture play a role. Look at Ancient Greece and Rome for proof. Are you telling me that all of a sudden, homosexuality disappeared from Western Civilization after the fall of these two societies that actively practiced and in the case of the Greeks, highly encouraged homosexuality in certain circumstances?

One thing that I believe all of us can agree on is that it's not so much why we have ssa but that we acknowledge and more importantly, accept it as a natural part of our sexuality.

I'm at this point and it's been extremely liberating to both my heterosexual action with my wife and with any lingering guilt in my mind for having homosexual thoughts and flashbacks. Thankfully, for me the guilt's gone for all practical purposes.

This is interesting question and I asked it to myself many times few years ago. In that time I did some research and found some articles and studies about development of sexual orientation – it stated that there are still many open issues and unknown facts about it, since it is pretty complex subject that can be viewed from many different layers and angles. So in short- conclusion was that sexual orientation is developing or forming pretty early so that when is already formed we are still not aware of it (if I remember well it was somewhere up to 2 -3 years of life). Another question is why some people are straight, bi and gay – there is no clear answer. In some cases there were some kind of genetic predispositions ie. there are cases of families that have for example much more gay members that can be explained only by genetics. There are some studies that claim that in some cases mother’s genetic is influencing orientation of their sons etc., in general there is no clear and unique answer since many factors have to be included…

On the other hand human sexuality is highly individual and is basically defined in our brain which is one of the most complex organs ever developed in nature – basically there are no two persons with identical sexuality which is very interesting when you think about it.

CSA of course makes things much more complicated because it makes confusion on basic physical, emotional, sexual, psychological aspects of person.

For me was important to understand myself on basic level – the fact is that I am much more sexually attracted to guys on permanent level; all other things that are coming from CSA (compulsory behavior, conflicting sexual desires, no borders, fears, hyper sexuality, problems with orgasm, erection, sleeping etc. list go on lol …) are not so important because this is something that is very stable and very deeply rooted in my identity and is not changeable. And when I accepted this it felt actually good. Why am I gay – well I do not know to be honest, what is important to me is that I feel very good who I am and could not imagine to be different.

As bisexual but straight identified (sorry I know that's a mouthful) I have often wondered whether my bisexual tendencies come naturally or if they are a product of sexual abuse. As a young boy, like between 10 and 12, I found myself attracted almost equally to both girls and boys my own age but when I became a teenager my attraction toward males waned until after I was sexually abused, at which time I began to sexually experiment with males, even though my main attraction was to females and still is. The thing is there is a certain detachment and lack of connection to my sexual encounters with other men that doesn't exist when I am with women. Often I am living out my abuse through anonymous sex with men so this is definately abuse related, but that said I still enjoy the sex so its got me quite confused as to whether this is healthy or not. Please understand that I feel no shame in being bisexual. If I could convince myself that it is 100% naturally who I am that would be fine. I just don't like the thought of my adult sexuality being influenced by bad things that were done to me when I was young is all. It doesn't make me feel free as a human being.

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Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

The thing is when I envision myself in a relationship it is always with a woman. My desire to be with men is occasional and is always purely sexual. Like I mentioned in my first post, if I were certain that such bisexual tendencies were natural to me and not in some way connected to my past abuse I doubt I would be questioning it. It is not the thought of having an attraction to men that bothers me but that it may be the result of my abuse history. Whatever my sexuality is I'm OK with so long as it's natural and healthy.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

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