McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON

Rain

It never rains, but it pours—well, the forecast is calling for a 60 percent chance of rain. However, it looks fine out, and I’m convinced they do that just to cover themselves, because no one complains when they say it’s going to rain and it doesn’t. But I hate bringing along an umbrella; you have to carry it with you all night. I know, I could just leave it by the door, but I finally bucked up and got an expensive umbrella because I was tired of buying ones on the street for three bucks that break right away. So, now, I never take my expensive umbrella anywhere.