Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I'm talking about Ellen saying, "Mom, can I have an egg?" and me saying "Yeah. Just a minute," and then forgetting about it until I smell smoke.

One of Adam's and Ellen's favorite snacks is an egg cooked in a bowl in the microwave. A few weeks ago I showed them how to do it themselves. They've gotten pretty good at cracking the eggs, but they've never done it without me there until today. Today Ellen put an egg in a melamine (non-microwaveable) bowl and cooked it until the egg and the bowl were both beginning to turn black.

We opened the windows and turned on fans and left on a walk for an hour, but now, more than 6 hours later, the kitchen still smells terrible. We've got the windows open again, so the house is freezing; meanwhile I'm really hoping the smell will just dissipate and we won't to have to call in the pros.

And it all could have easily been avoided with a few moments of my attention. Can I possibly not have learned by now that if your 3 year old mentions an activity involving a microwave, you go with her, NOW? Oy vey.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Jane is in the ensemble of her school play, Oliver! (Although she is excited about this, the exclamation point there is part of the official title of the show. I think I could maybe get sued or something for typing the title without the exclamation point.)

This is the second year they've done a musical at her school. We were out of town for last year's, but other parents have told me that the quality of the production was far beyond their expectations.

I'm glad Jane has this opportunity, but it might be time to buy her her "I can't. I have rehearsal" t-shirt. She's been at rehearsal every day after school until 5:00 for the last several weeks, and on the last two Saturdays, and today though she's out of school for President's Day, she went to rehearsal at 9:00 and is still there.

Seeing how hard the kids have worked, I wanted to help get the word out:

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Me: Do you want to call Uncle Andy?
Adam: Yeah. Why?
Me: It's his birthday!
Adam: How far away is he?
Me: California.
Adam: Oh, that's too far.
Me: Yeah, but we can call.
Adam: No, I mean . . . the phone.
Me: We can call to California on the phone. The phone can call that far.
Adam: No. It can't. It's too far.

(Later.)

Adam: Mom, I just thought it was too far away, but then I thought of Nauvoo, and how we can call Grandma, and Nauvoo is even farther away than California, and if we can call Grandma Kathe all the way in Nauvoo, then we can call Andy in California.

I enlisted Jane & Zuzu in the creation of the bad puns to accompany each animal. It was clearly in their blood, although Zuzu quickly began to favor the nonsensical. As you read her suggestions in this list growing increasingly bizarre, please imagine the volume of her and Jane's uncontrollable laughter growing equivalently. I wanted ear plugs.

Here's our master list. Add your own in the comments!

(Hate puns but like photos? Skip to the end.)

Bull: You'd better bull-ieve I want you for my valentine. -J
I want you for my valentine, and that's no bull! -M

Cat: We're just purr-fect for each other. -M
Valentine, if you and I were together, it'd be a cat-astrophe. -J (A particular favorite of mine.) You're the cat's meow, Valentine! -M
I want you for my valentine, and I'm not kitten! -M

Cow: Valentine, we're just perfect for each udder. -J
Moo, oh, moo! Can you please be moo valentine? -Z (Z: "Get it? 'My oh my?'") I would be udderly thrilled if you'd be mine. -M

Goose: Goose I never thought you'd be my valentine. -Z
You give me goosebumps, Valentine. -MHen: Valentine, how about a peck? -J
I want to ask you to be my valentine, but I'm too chicken. -M
Valentine, you and I make an eggs-traordinary pair. -J

Horse: I want you for my valentine, and I'm not horsin' around. -M
I would go down on my neighs for you, Valentine, but I can't 'cause I'm a horse. -Z (Me: "But Zuzu, horses can go down on their knees." Z: "I don't care! It's funny!")
All I wanna do is make you be my valen . . . horse. -Z
Please say "yea" and not "neigh." -M

Pig: How about a hog, Valentine? -M
Happy Valen-swine's Day! -J
You make me squeal, Valentine. -M
Hello,Valentine! Are you a hog? Let's have some swine! -Z (Z: "Get it?! Wine?!" At this point she was laughing so hard she could barely get out the words.)

I wish I'd written down all of Adam's suggestions from later when we were putting the valentines together. They were too nonsensical to remember, but so delightful. He did come up with, "This little piggy cried, 'Will, will, will you be mine?' all the way home." Clever, no? This is the 5-year-old who says "whereas."

Jane had her own darling valentine idea:

I suggested she could re-wrap the suckers in wax paper and add a center to each flower to make them even more aesthetically pleasing. She laughed at me, because, saints be praised, I did not pass on The Crazy to this kid.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Friday, February 11, 2011

1. One day last month (well, the eleventh, in fact) I sat down at the computer and discovered I'd missed a little instant message from Peter that said, "Happy 1-11-11!" Then I glanced at the clock in the upper corner of the screen and saw that it was, at that moment, 11:11 a.m., though he'd sent the message about a half an hour earlier.

2. Yesterday I walked into the kitchen to see what time it was. The clock on the microwave and the display on the range below it both said 2:41. Then I thought, "Didn't I set that timer for the pork chops? Heyyyy, wait a minute . . . Could I possibly have walked in at the very minute when the clock, counting forward, and the 3 hour timer, counting down . . . ?" So of course I had to stand there and wait until, sure enough, the display on the microwave changed to 2:42 and the display on the range turned to 2:40.