'Sir Alex tries to deal with his anger management issues with the Chorlton-cum-Hardy Over 65s tai chi group,' says Jason Froggett before getting really excited and adding: 'Oh GOD, I would love to see this'

We don't know what Matt Mealor has been smoking, but here's his explanation for his entry: 'Dismayed by Kim-Jong Il-ex Ferguson's Orwellian media control, Mike Phelan, cunningly disguises himself as a tree and sends a message in one of Lord Ferg's wine botttles, cunningly disguised as cough medicine. The message will be transmitted verbally by a young Mexican Zapatista, cunningly disguised as a vicar, replete with standard vicar hat, cunningly disguised as a flan. Phelan is blissfully unaware of the Wes Brown Bear's search for a new scratching post. Nani is driving his Audi to Lord Ferg's to complain bitterly about his poorly leggy'