Wine Geek newsletter #81

Well its back to earth with a bump this week. I’m missing California, the jet-lag is killing me and I haven’t had a glass of wine since I got home! That will change very soon, although I won’t be spending a great deal of money as I’m going to be a tad short for a couple of months methinks! I hope you enjoyed the USA coverage – if you get a chance then get yourselves out there – but its back to the grindstone and back to what you know and love…. Welcome back to the Wine Geek newsletter!

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New posts

I have an admission to make. There aren’t any new posts this week! I’m working on the last couple of California-inspired articles, which will be coming your way in the next week, so for now, here’s a re-cap of the posts I wrote out west (just click on the links):

I may be back but the #newwinethisweek tour rolls on with Mike sunning himself (and working bloody hard by the sound of it!) in Northern Italy. This week’s wine is Barbaresco and I was very happy to find some reasonably priced wines available in the UK supermarkets. But if you’ve got money to throw around then obviously you’ll be cracking open a 20 year old Gaja!

“Scotland had oil, but it’s running out thanks to all that deep frying” – Scott Capurro.

=8. “I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame ’cause halfway through he disappears up his own a***hole” – Kevin Day.

=8. “I’ve been married for 10 years, I haven’t made a decision for seven” – Jason Cook.

“This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it” – Felicity Ward.

And in honour of Tim Vine being the first comedian to win the award twice, s a few more from his vast back-catalogue (although I’m sure some of these are stolen from the great TC!):

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

“He said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library’. I thought ‘That’s a turn-up for the books.'”

“And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said ‘Do you earn a living doing that?’ He said ‘Yes, this is my livelihood.’

“So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said ‘I want to buy an ice-cream’. He said Hundreds & thousands?’ I said ‘We’ll start with one.’ He said ‘Knickerbocker glory?’ I said ‘I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.’

I’m so lazy I’ve got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

I went into a shop and I said, “Can someone sell me a kettle.” The bloke said “Kenwood” I said, “Where is he?”

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?” I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”

So I went down the local supermarket, I said “I want to make a complaint, this vinegar’s got lumps in it”, he said “Those are pickled onions”.

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, “How many potatoes would you like Tim?”. I said “Ooh, I’ll just have one please”. She said “It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite” “Alright” I said “I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow”

So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T’PAU! I said “Don’t you mean KAPOW?? He said “No, I’ve got china in my hand.”

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The boring stuff

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