The Effects Of Premature Ejaculation
On Men and Women

Mariano Sotomayor from the National University of Mexico has considered
how premature ejaculation affects men who experience it.

He observes that premature ejaculation is under-detected and
under-treated, while men who have this condition often feel stigmatized
and embarrassed by the condition, and unable to discuss it with doctors.

In addition, they often perceive themselves as having little or no control
over their ejaculation, a fact which is reflected in the lowered
satisfaction with sex that they and their partners experience.

Indeed, it's noticeable that many men who have premature ejaculation are
in a relationship with a female partner who also experiences female sexual
dysfunction.

His basic
thesis is that it's essential for the purpose of developing effective
treatment for premature ejaculation to consider how it affects the man
concerned.

As we know, a
great deal of information about premature ejaculation is entirely
subjective, so to the extent that any man sees himself, or his sexual
performance, as different from the majority, he could be considered to
have the condition.

Unfortunately, the
difference in perception as to what actually constitutes normal
ejaculatory latency time between countries is so great that it makes
diagnosis, and by implication treatment,
of premature ejaculation much more
difficult.

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Time Between Penetration and Ejaculation

It has been
found that European men think that an average time between penetration and
ejaculation is 9 to 10 minutes, but even within this reasonably unified
geographical area, there are large differences in perception of what
constitutes normal: for example, in the UK, 9.9 minutes is considered
normal by men, whilst in Germany, 6.9 minutes is considered normal.

What's
noticeable in almost every country is that female perception of the time
between penetration ejaculation - ejaculatory latency time - is actually
both lower and more accurate, strongly suggesting that men overestimate
their ability to sustain intercourse.

In attempting
to establish how many men in the population actually experience something
that could justifiably be called premature ejaculation, The Knowledge
Networks Research Panel in the United States asked 2,056 men a number of
questions about their experience of sexual intercourse.

32.5% of men
said that they ejaculated before they wished to do so the majority of
times they had sexual intercourse. Therefore, from this subjective point
of view, we could say that PE's prevalence in the general population is
around 32.5%.

There was a
follow-up question as well, which asked these men how much of a problem
premature ejaculation was for them. Of the 32.5%, about half said that the
speed of their ejaculation caused "little or no problem", whilst just over
a third said it was "somewhat" of a problem, and the remainder said it was
a major problem for them.

This
work established a baseline against which the researchers could test other
measures of premature ejaculation symptoms of premature ejaculation
including the level of ejaculatory control men felt they had during sex.

Unsurprisingly, the majority of
men who reported themselves as dissatisfied with their ejaculatory latency
time said that they felt they had little control over ejaculation.

But slightly
surprisingly, perhaps, men who see themselves as coming too quickly don't
always express dissatisfaction with sexual intercourse.

The correlation
between ejaculation speed and level of sexual satisfaction is much lower
than it is between ejaculation speed and a perception of lack of
ejaculatory control.

The same is NOT true of delayed ejaculation, where
the delay before ejaculation is so long that few men will be unaware they
have a problem.

This is
slightly surprising in view of the fact that clinicians and sex therapists
who deal with men who have premature ejaculation know that men are
frequently extremely eager to find a solution.

Of course one
of the reasons that this anomaly appears in scientific research is the
fact that so few men who ejaculate quickly are willing or able to seek
advice or help about the speed of their ejaculation.

The same,
incidentally, is true of men who have delayed ejaculation - very few of
them seek help for the problem, perhaps because of the shame and
embarrassment that surround the problem.

Self-help treatments used by men who ejaculate too quickly include using
multiple condoms, masturbation before sexual interaction, trying to use
mental distraction, and thrusting harder and faster in an attempt to sexually
satisfy their partner.

The regrettable thing is that many of these
techniques actually make premature ejaculation worse because they ignore
the sexual sensations (the
premonitory sensations) that need to be controlled in order to improve
ejaculatory latency time.

Premature Ejaculation

As
I've observed many times, there is a big distinction between the number of
men who think they have sexual dysfunction and those who seek help for it:
in the UK, one survey found 64% of men with sexual dysfunction wished to
obtain some kind of therapeutic assistance, but actually only 6% did so.

One of the reasons for this, as
far as premature ejaculation is concerned, is that there is a clear stigma
to the condition, which labels men as either inadequate lovers or lacking
in masculinity.

Even if a man is courageous enough
to go and speak to a doctor about his "condition", the embarrassment for
both the man and his doctor may prevent effective and useful discussion
taking place.

In the circumstances it is no
surprise that men find it easier to persuade themselves that the condition
is temporary, or psychological, or that it will go away with time, or that
it doesn't actually need treating.

It is arguable that delayed
ejaculation is a condition which requires treatment, even when men refuse
to admit that their sexual performance is unsatisfactory to their
partners. This is because there can be much more serious consequences - a
lack of pregnancy, difficulty with achieving orgasmic pleasure for the
woman, and emotional self-denigration for the man.

In
the end, most men who seek help do so because the level of distress,
frustration, stress, and effects on partner dissatisfaction is so high that the
relationship may be threatened.

The Emotional Burden
of Ejaculation Dysfunction

This is
mostly shame, low self-esteem, embarrassment and feelings of inferiority
compared to other men. Anxiety is also common.

his is the
danger of premature ejaculation: danger that is not often recognized in
the jokes that are commonly applied to it: that it continually reduces a
man's sexual self-confidence and self-esteem.

In research
work, almost 70% of men with PE speak about their confidence being lowered
by PE, and that's not just in sexual situations, but life in general. 36%
of men speak of anxiety accompanying their tendency to ejaculate too
quickly.

In fact,
anxiety is both a cause and effect of premature ejaculation; depression,
too, is also associated with the condition.

This is not
surprising when you learn that it's a common finding that men with PE are
almost 3 times more likely to be diagnosed with depression, an emotion
that may be a consequence of mutual mistrust and sexual dissatisfaction
within the relationship.

In most
cases, advice about how to avoid premature ejaculation is discussed within
the framework of male and female heterosexual relationships, and
comparatively little has been written about gay relationships.

What we know
is that within the male-female relationship, a woman's emotions about her
partner's problems can range from compassion and understanding to anger,
recrimination and frustration. A woman may perceive the male partner to be
selfish.

Why? Well,
the lack of communication within most relationships becomes very clear
when one learns that most women are surprised to discover that their
partner feels bad about his lack of control in bed.

It's
unsurprising in relationships where the man ejaculates quickly that sexual
pleasure is diminished in this way, nor is it surprising that there is a
correlation between female anorgasmia and male rapid ejaculation.

Unfortunately, one of the things that confuses treatment and diagnosis of
premature ejaculation is that many of the men who have it, think that they
actually have some kind of "quality-of-life" issue.

Some scientific research evidence suggests that this is because PE is
often associated with lifestyle and personality issues such as recent
divorce and levels of education (men with less education are more likely
to ejaculate quickly, it transpires).

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