Post navigation

Why would anyone want to control you?

The need to control others may not make a lot of sense to you. If you’re a live-and-let-live person, you’d never want to control someone else. Even if you’re a perfectionist, you stay on your own case all day, not necessarily someone else’s.

But controllers are out there. They want to micromanage what you say, how you act, even what you think quietly in your own mind. It could be your boss, your spouse, or even your parent. You can’t be yourself around them. They insist on being your top priority and want undue influence over your life. They might push your buttons to get an emotional reaction out of you because they want to exploit it as weakness. They have no respect for you or your boundaries.

There are plenty of theories why someone would want to control you. One is that people who can’t control themselves turn to controlling others. This happens on an emotional level. A person full of insecurities has to exact a positive sense of self from other people because their self esteem is too low to do it for themselves.

Maybe people control because they are afraid of being abandoned. They don’t feel secure in their relationships and are often testing to see if they’re about to be betrayed. The paradox is that their behavior creates exactly what they fear the most… Continue reading:

Sarah Rae Newman is an Associate Editor at Psych Central and a science blogger. The author of several books, she received her MA in psychology from the New School for Social Research and an MFA in writing from CCNY.

1 thought on “Why would anyone want to control you?”

Today begins #DomesticViolence Awareness month. Please join me, and Authors Against Domestic Violence at Sharon Johnson Peacock Nation Facebook Group on Thursday October 4th from 5pm to 10pm Eastern — Please join the group in advance! There will many opportunities for you to share your stories and learn about the many forms of sexual misconduct and abuse of power. I will share with you excerpts from my book about the insidiousness of narcissistic abuse. Hope to see you there! https://www.facebook.com/groups/830535023731642/