When it is 29 degrees at night in May and you are on "vacation" alone in a big old house with no "heat", every moment possible is spent plastered to the fireplace. Sleeping happens on the sofa by the fire, in a death trap mummy bag/camp blanket combo. Which is fine because you are a big girl now and can make fires in your sleep.

Plus you haven't been afraid of being alone in a big, huge, freezing, creaky, ancient house since you were like 24, which seems like sooo long ago now that you're 25.

As you drift off to frozen sleep, you congratulate yourself at being so excellent at "vacationing". You are a pro at relaxing, even in sub-zero temperatures. You should do this all the time.

Then a loud explosion jolts you from the sofa. You vainly attempt to paw your way out from under 1,000 wool blankets and a sleeping bag. Umm.... There are 4' tall flames winding their way up the wall surrounding fireplace. Cue gut wrenching primal death scream.

You fumble with the zipper of your mummy bag. It's stuck. The next 5 minutes are the most terrified minutes of your life thus far as you tear through a pitch black house, looking for something to dump on the fire.

In the end you dump vases of flowers (ever the florist) on the wall and call 911 as the house continues to fill with smoke. 8 trucks arrive, which strikes even you as excessive as you huddle in the front yard wearing a down parka and not much else.

Good news, your repeated dumpings of vase water managed to put out the most of the uncontained fire and the house has very minimal damage. Bad news, there are now 40 New Hampshire firemen looking at you in your, ahem, parka.

Relief sinks in, as does shame and the fact that it is 29 degrees outside and you are technically not wearing actual clothes. You skulk towards the car to better document this shame on camera, which, unlike pants, you didn't forget to grab as you left the burning house.

Yes, you think to yourself as you snap away photos for the blog, you are great at vacationing. You should do this all the time.

44 comments:

THE ENTIRE EMERSON FAMILY HISTORY HAUS almost went up in smoke. Thank heavens for NH firemen. And your quick thinking with the arrangement of bleeding hearts or iris whatever is in bloom up there right now. Thank heavens all around. And I'm sure the firemen were especially cordial given that you were pantless, so not to worry on that front. In fact, I've heard the more leg you show the less likely you are to get lectured by the fire marshal, so good thinking.

I am so glad you're ALIVE!!!!That is seriously scary, that stuck zipper. Murphy's law, anyone?? I'm really happy a roaring, explosive sound occurred; and that now after the burned walls, naked legs, and gawking firemen, the whole situation is funny.

Amy!! But you said the firemen were cute, right?? I had to call 911 last weekend for a car accident outside my house. We heard a big tire skid, then a kaboom as the car hit a tree. I ran out in bare feet and thankfully the girl was ok except for a broken wrist. ouch. but she was hysterical. And for me too, every emergency vehicle in town showed up. i did have pants on, however. :)

I'm so torn! You're so witty that it's making me chuckle and smile, but holy smokes (no pun intended), that is TERRIFYING! I'm really glad you made it out OK and all of that. What a story to tell! Someday you'll look back on this and laugh? Maybe not?

How brave of you to share this! When I had an experience with fire (don't ask), it took me several weeks and many heart palpitations to finally get the story blogged. It's amazing how difficult it can be to relive these traumatic experiences! So much for not being afraid of old houses; how are you ever going to comfortably snuggle down in front of the fireplace again? I'm glad you're OK, and I'm glad the house is OK, though!

I am so very glad you are alright. And that the house survived mostly ok. And in true awe that you would remember the camera - and right there with ya on the pants thing! Redo on the vacation minus the fire.

Remind me to tell you sometime the story of my dad starting a chimney fire. Let's just say it involves my mom wandering around the house in: A polar fleece hat, a fur coat, purple pajama pants tucked into white socks and high heels.

i keep re-reading it to try and get a good laugh, but i still can't find anything funny. not in a mean, i'm judging the other commenters kind of way at all, but my heart is still pounding for you and what you must have felt. ugh.

Egads. Sorry about your screwy vacation, glad you made it out alive. Fire, much like the ocean, is not to be trusted. It is alive, and waiting for you to turn your back or go to sleep. Never turn your back to the ocean if you are on the beach, and (as you now know) never sleep with a live fire going in the house - even a candle. It's not that these elements are malicious, they just don't care whether you live or die. To them, everything is the same. Stay smart, stay watchful, stay alive!

Poor Amy! Only you could make such a great story out of such a frightening ordeal. I share everyone's relief that you came out of this at least physically intact. Don't stay there alone again in fire(place) season even if you are a big girl of 25 now!