Just let me die

Its too late, its all too late. I need something thats going to give me what I need to end my life. I cant do it anymore, I cant go on with this life. I know im going to hurt people, I know that, but its just time, you need to understand, its time.

Look at me, look at this pathetic mess, look at this old man, look at how chases around young girls, ya I know thats what you all fucking think, love doesnt enter into it.

Every day I day dream about cutting, cutting my wrist, cutting my throat ear to ear, just letting the blood come tumbling out. Sooner or later im gonna take that knife and get it done, its drawing closer all the fucking time, it cant come soon enough.

I want to fucking die so much, I just need to make that decision and go
You guys have no idea what goes on my head, constantly, fuck the anti-depressants. Dont feed me a line about anti depressants, ill knock your fucking block off. Dont feed me shit about work, jesus since when did work become something to be happy about???

I told you already that I will not let you die and as far as chasing young girls, matt, you can't help who you love...look at me..im 27 i love an 18 year old. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I'm sorry you are in such pain Matt, and I know I can only help so much, only oyu can help yourself to get better, and all i can hope is that you don't give up that fight. You are only 33 you are not an old man, your past is that, your past. You need to stop living in the past and live for the now and live for the future. The future is yours for the taking, make it something positive, start anew, only you can give yourself that. No one can hand you your happiness, no one can make it better, no one but you. So like i said in the email Matt, please swim, don't sink. I'm here if you need me.
Kells

Matt, I talked with you for quite a while today, and I really feel like the world is being evil to you, I understand the pain of it so much. Please try to cope with this, somehow. Realize, that we are both fighting this emotional hurt which has been done to us, and it's such a struggle, and I wish I could do something about it. I'd so much would have liked to have taken the distance issue out of the situation back when things were going somewhat well for you. If only I could have paid for your vacation to Europe, maybe things would have been different. You know how much I want you to be able to be happy in a loving relationship with someone. Being alone, isn't comfortable. Being alive being alone is dreadful. Matt, please try to stay around for a while, at least. Talk with me again, please. You are a wonderful person, and I don't want to see you go.

Matt I know what you're going through and everything you've said I've felt it and I mean everything and still do,you wouldn't believe how much we have in common I'm 31 and feel like I'm such a lost cause all too often.drop me a line or if you have messenger Milansteve@yahoo.com.au or I can buzz you I'd be very interested to talk with you.

Im not gonna let you die and im not gonna tell you that you need to die. Because that would go against the friendship we have. You mean alot to me Matt. Remember when i've been in a bad way? All the things you've said to me. It goes for you aswell. Your life is not over. Your 33. That is not old. Like Kells said, your past should remain there.

You can't help who you fall in love. Remember i know. I know that its hurting you. So many times you've tried talking me out of it. You even phoned me from fucking Australia! How many times have you told every single one of us that we need to stick together? Why are you not applying that to yourself? You was the one that started talking in this domino affect. You know it will happen.

Matt, I'm not going to let you die either.
Like everyone here has said: the past is the past. Try to think of the good times, the nice things of your past. Remember them with a smile and look forward to the things that will cross your path. Work may not be something to be happy about, but it gives you money and with money you can do things to be happy about. Like a trip throughout Australia, a trip to Holland, you can buy/rent your own place.
Please hang in there, you are worth so much to each and everyone here, including myself. We'd be devastated if anything were to happen to you. Please hang in there Matt.
Even Chrissy would be hurt a lot. We still talk about you, saying how nice it'd be if you'd come here to visit us. It'd be a blast. Please hang on Matt. Maybe now you wouldn't hang on for yourself, but at least do it for us then. In the future you'll see the joy of life again.

Please hang in there. I care and I love you, my friend. I can't let you die, for that I care too much.

I feel sick, I feel completely overwhelmed with wanting to end my life.
Ill be home alone tommorow...and, I really dont know whats going to happen, I dont feel well.

I enjoyed something so precious and I let it die, It would be impossible for me to hate myself more than I do right now. Every waking second I see blood, so much blood, I just want it too pour out, I want that release, I want to be reborn into another time and another place.

People talk of a future, but i could never share your future with you, theres just too many years between us, and thats what I need more than anything, I need to be Holland, and in the U.K sharing our lives...I think thats the only hope I have. Im going to be honest, without love, life is so entirely pointless, I dont know how anyone can go on, I need love, I need somebody to hold at night, I need to make love, I need that affection, I need to know im wanted by somebody. I dont give a fuck if it sounds pathetic....I just dont care, im over caring about how I appear in public.

Youve been such terrific friends to me, we've shared some great times, every hour is getting darker and darker for me, my mind is in places now its never been before, I dont know if I can hold out, im so sorry that im so weak, I should be talking to people, but i just dont have the strength.

I dont see another option. Whatever happens, I want you to take care of yourselves..I honestly dont know what tommorow holds for me.