New York Times and USA Today Bestselling novelist, screenwriter, editor, namer, critic, movie addict and chocoholic

Monday, September 11, 2017

Death Be Not...Scary. Laura Pritchett talks about Making Friends With Death, angst, afterlife thoughts, and so much more

Laura Pritchett is amazing. When she felt near to death, she began to investigate and even make friends with it. And she's an astonishing writer. Her novel The Blue Hour, about passion and small town, is extraordinary. I blurbed it! So are her novels: Stars Go Blue, Red Lightning, Hell's Bottom Colorado; and her non-fiction Pulse of the River, Great Colorado Bear Stories, Homeland and Going Green. And she's also a writing coach.Since I have had my own near-death, which changed the way I saw life, I was particularly fascinated with her book. And it is so great. Thank you, Laura, for being here!

So, what
was the why now moment that made you want to write this book about death?

About a decade ago, in my mid-30s, my life changed. To make a long
story short, my neck and skull and face suddenly felt like they were being
electrocuted at high voltage. 24/7. A roaring something was taking over my neck
and head and eye muscles—diagnoses were plentiful and colorful and ranged from
Multiple Sclerosis to infections to Trigeminal Neuralgia to Cervical Dystonia.
The brain MRIs and the repeat-brain-MRIs and the shots and blood draws and
pokes and dizzy spells and neurologists testing got more and more plentiful. So
did my despair, because at one point, it ceased to matter. It just felt like I
was going to die.

I really started to go deep into a scary space within myself—which
alternated between a “dead/in-shock” space and a panic-attack space. I didn’t
know what was wrong with me—and wouldn’t for several years—but I kept thinking ut-oh,
I better get ready here. Of course, I didn’t want to die. I had young
children, a writing career that was just taking off, a good life.

I found myself suddenly seeking some wisdoms, and fast. But there was
no help. At least, not that I could find that were really practical and applicable.

I
basically put this book together for me – I had to write it then because I
thought I was dying. But then I wasn’t. I was diagnosed with Trigeminal
Neuralgia, which totally sucks, but which isn’t killing me (any faster than any
of life is going to kill me). Now, after
several years of chronic unrelenting pain, I feel much better. Not totally
better, but much much better. Which means, of course, that it all seemed much
less imminent. But did I let it go? No. By then I was hooked and wanted to finish
and publish this book. Because the one thing that this mess taught me was this:
It’s absolutely contingent upon us to prepare while we are healthy and
calm—so that when the shit hits the fan, we are better prepared to work with
the mess. I truly believe that it’s slightly irreverent, sometimes-awkward, but
totally honest about getting ready for death might help some others, too.

Did
writing it make you feel less scared? How so? (If you were scared that is.)

Oh, I was
scared. So very scared. Scared of living in pain, scared of dying, scared of
leaving my children behind, and scared of the afterlife (I had been raised a
strict Catholic, and although I left the faith a long time ago for a lot of
good reasons, and have been to therapy for a long time to get some of that
remnant after-life fear out of my body, that whole hell thing really had firm
footing in my mind—which is why I believe that some religion, or the way its
taught, is most certainly a form of child abuse). Anyway, I started to get less
scared the more I faced my fear. I read a lot of books, I talked to people. I
attended seminars and retreats of
various sorts. I talked to those who volunteered in hospice work, I talked to
folks who had serious diagnoses, I talked to people who were dying. I talked to
my therapist a lot. With all this reading, interviewing, list-making,
home works, journaling, therapy-ing, and so on, well, I was making some
progress in facing my fear. I still don’t wanna die. And sometimes I’m still
scared. But I certainly feel more peaceful about going.

Please
tell us about confronting The Grim Reaper and how that changed you?

“Use death
as your advisor,” I heard someone say – and that’s how it changed me the most.
I used death to advise me on how to live life. And I made some pretty big life
decisions based on the fact that I was contemplating my death. I got divorced,
for example—because I was in the wrong marriage and I had to confront that. I also
really slowed down my life. I started living a life that I simply enjoyed more.
That isn’t to say that I don’t make an effort to be responsible for the future
(socking away a bit of money, paying my taxes, planning for retirement, etc.).
It means I was able to reassess my life—so that I could be better prepared for
death.

What is a
good death?

That’s
such a good question, and I’m not sure many people have thought about it at
all—I know I hadn’t. But now I basically think a good death is simply one that
has been claimed, to the extent possible, and that will be different for
everyone. For me, will involve:

My medical
wishes and decisions are respected – for example, I have a DNR, and I don’t
want long-term life support.

I would
like to die outside, or with a view of nature.

I’d like
to be with my children and loved ones, if possible. There are certain people I
don’t want in the room, and I’ve made that clear in my own “My Dying Book” that
I’ve done (a version of the book now for sale) and set in a place where it will
be found upon my death.

I’d like
to be surrounded by the color blue, the smell of basil or roses, and some of my
favorite songs (I have a whole list).

I want
pain relief; I’d like to be comfortable as possible.

I’d like
to be as fully informed about what’s going on (to the extent possible).

I want
people to be honest with me. I want to be honest with them.

Would this
work also work for people who believe in the Afterlife or a specific religious
belief?

Yeah,
thanks for asking that. Because that’s a big deal for many folks – your
decisions about death are highly contingent on your religious beliefs. In this
book, I don’t presume to tell anyone what death is, or what comes next. I, for
one, would immediately distrust anyone who said they did know with certainty. All I do
know is that there are better and worse ways to die. So: This book is for the religious and
nonreligious, the spiritual and the not so much so. We all have to take that
last breath.

I will say: Of course it matters what you believe comes after death—eternalism or
nihilism being the two polar opposites, with a whole exciting and strange range
in between. I myself was raised a Catholic but now call myself something along
the lines of a Humanist Agnostic with Strong Buddhist-Practice Leanings, or,
rather, Someone Honored To Be Seeking. Religion and death are pretty darn
intertwined, of course—in fact, religion is about
death, seeking to explain where you go after you die, coming up with ideas
about what comes after, and guiding you to that particular spot. Surely your
faith, if you have one, will guide your own process. My book doesn’t address or
assume any particular Afterlife Scenario; it just takes us up to that last
on-Earth breath. In other words, I think it respects all beliefs.

What was
the writing like?

At the
beginning, it was rather angst filled, because I thought death was immanent,
and it was more like a crazy dash to make some peace. Later, it became super
fun, because it included doing weirdo things like a class called “Facing Death
and Partner Yoga,” and learning the basics on how to fly a Cessna, and going to
New Zealand. Writing books takes you on all sorts of adventures!

Heh. I
love that question. But I’ll throw one back at ya, just for fun. Question to Caroline
Leavitt:

Have you
done your Advance Directives and let someone know the basics of what a good
peaceful death looks like to you? ANSWER: YES WE HAVE! I bet you have. Because you’re awesome. But
for those who haven’t, mark your calendars-- APRIL 16 is National Healthcare
Decisions Day.

It’s
funny. Most of us have homeowner’s insurance or renter’s insurance, but only a
few of us (only 20%, in fact) have done advance directives and other helpful
paperwork, even though for sure you are
going to die (whereas your house or apartment might be fine forever). It blows
my mind that a recent Pew Research Center study on end-of life issues found that
less than half of people over 75 had given much thought to the end of their
lives, and incredibly, only 22% of them had written down or talked to someone
about medical treatment at the end of their lives. And that’s folks who are,
statistically, getting close! We all – even if we’re young and healthy and got
a ton of life stuff going on – we gotta get this stuff down on paper. So can
perhaps gracefully do what is going to happen someday . . . . . hopefully far
in the future.

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Stay tuned, THIS OTHER LIFE has sold to Algonquin, my beloved publisher and I am busy writing it now. My 11th novel CRUEL BEAUTIFUL WORLD is an Indie Next Pick. IS THIS TOMORROW was an May Indie Pick. I'm also the New York Times bestselling author of PICTURES OF YOU, a San Francisco Chronicle Lit Pick, a Costco "Pennie's Pick." a NAIBA bestseller and on the Best Books of 2011 List from San Francisco Chronicle, Providence Journal, Kirkus Reviews and Bookmarks Magazine. I'm the recipient of a New York Foundation of the Arts Grant in Fiction. I was a 2013 finalist in the Sundance Screenwriting Lab and a finalist in the Nickelodeon Screenwriting Fellowship, four of my novels were optioned for screen, and I talked my way into writing the script for two of them. My essay, HIgh Infidelity, has been optioned for film. I'm a book critic for The San Francisco Chronicle and People Magazine. I teach novel writing for UCLA Extension Writers' Program, and Stanford online, do private fiction editing, and I am a professional namer! I live with my husband, writer/editor Jeff Tamarkin and we beam with pride about our son, an actor/filmmaker in college. Visit me at http://www.carolineleavitt.com.