Why Ignoring Rejection Hurts Your Writing

If there is one thing writers need to be prepared for its rejections. They hurt. They suck. But they are a part of this journey we’re pursuing towards publication. I don’t think it matters where you are on your journey. From newbie writer to agented author, we are all going to experience rejection at one point or another.

We hear so often that you need to keep your chin up, put that rejection aside and move on. Keep writing. Keep querying. Keep ‘doing’.

I’d like to suggest that advice is wrong. So wrong that you need to toss it on the floor, stomp on it a few times then throw it in the trash.

Remember how excited you were when you finished your novel? Received your first request? Why is one emotional high different from another? Trust me, when you receive that rejection – whether the first or the hundredth – the emotional high is going to be there.

Have a pity party for yourself. Let it last an hour, an afternoon or even a day. As long as you realize that once you start this little pity party, there has to be an end date. Bring out those large soup bowels and buy your favourite ice cream. Find a friend to share with you or ask for pity on twitter. You’ll get it – cause we’ve all been there. It’s even okay to have self-doubts. If you didn’t, I’d be a bit worried. Wonder if your writing sucks. Question your passion, your desire, your drive.

Go for it. I double-dog dare you!

Want to know why? When that pity party is over, when the bowl has been licked clean, I guarantee you’ll realize something. That you are a writer at heart. That your passion is so important that you won’t allow one pizzly little rejection take you down. Sure, having your favourite agent tell you they didn’t like your voice is gonna cut to so shreds. But your skin is tough so you’ll heal.

The strongest steel is forged in fire. For a writer, rejection is our fire. You will never become a better writer if you ignore the rejections and keep doing what you’ve been doing.

Don’t ignore the rejections when they come in. Don’t hit delete or throw the paper in the recycling. But don’t dwell on it either. Sure, have your pity party. You’re allowed. You’ve put in thousands of hours perfecting your craft. Realize that with every rejection comes greater strength. Take that rejection and let it fuel your fire.

Do it. I double-dog dare you!

(coming from the girl who not only ate a soup bowl full of ice cream but ate the rest of the container last night only to get a contract offer for a story in the morning!)

Remember, in the end, all things succumb to chocolate!Steena

If you’re a lover of romance, I hope you’ll pick up on of my books where I write under the name of Anya Winter. Be sure to fall in love with The Master, Stampede Fever (Stampede Sizzlers) and The Blindfold!

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6 Comments

Wonderful post, Steena. Like with everything in life that matters to us, ignoring can only get you so far. Learning from others is so important. If the rejection letter provides some constructive advises on our work, it is necessary to take a step back and ponder upon it. But not right away — giving ourselves a time to recover from such an emotional hit is crucial. You are absolutely right — we are allowed a self-pity party. Talking about the rejection and how it makes us feel with a friend can make wonders, especially when the rejection cuts really deep. Getting it “out” is like letting ourselves to start over.

This is a very good point. I sent my book to multiple agents and virtually all of them rejected it without even looking at any of it. Those few who took the time to respond told me there’s just no market for a Peace Corps memoir by someone who isn’t already notable for something else.

So I self-published it, and my sales so far have proven those agents correct. Lesson learned? Analyze the market before you write the book. I am grateful to the agents who rejected me but also took the time to tell me why.