February 14, 2010

So, Valentines Day is here, and if you are like 97% of all the other people out there, you are planning to run to Wal Mart the night before, praying they still have at least a few fake roses and semi-relevant “get well soon” cards that could potentially be used as a VDay card for your sweetie. Have no fear, help is here! Follow the steps below to win over your Valentine once again.

1) Don’t shop on February 13th at 11pm … shop on February 14th at 11pm
This is the most opportune time to get the most bang for your buck. Everything has been rummaged through, but there are sure to be plenty of things left. At this point, Wal-Mart is in “OH CRAP” mode because they will have shelves of irrelevant Valentines Day candies and such. You will likely be able to get everything for half off, which means more money in YOUR pocket. Who is the financial stud now? Your sweetie will love you even more. For bonus points, wait until the day after when it all drops to 80% off.

2) Don’t “wing” it. “theme” it.
Remember in school when you would give out Ninja Turtle or GI Joe cards that had some catchy quip? Well, these days, it is all about Twilight. Everyone loves Twilight … ESPECIALLY women! Get her a card with Jacob on it, a rose being held by a cut out of Edward and insist upon calling your lady Bella. If you really want to go all out, dress like a vampire.

3) Exercise your Right to Give!Throughout the year, the odds are that you have heard your lady complain about how her jeans don’t fit, or how a dress makes her look fat, etc. Wanna really connect on an emotional level with her that she will never forget? Buy her a treadmill and a case of slim-fast! Your gal will love you so much because you actually understand what she needs. Get ready to take your relationship to a whole new level. Another free bonus for you: Get her a large heart shaped box of chocolates, dump out the chocolates and replace them with various vegetables.

4) Hey Good Lookin’! What’s Cookin’?Women absolutely love to cook! Insist that she make you breakfast and lunch. She will be so happy, she will let you pick the restaurant that night. Whataburger will soon be yours!

I hope these tips will be useful to you. If you do what is instructed, you will have the most memorable Valentines Day ever.