I liked Prometheus quite a bit, but a lot of people didn’t. Quentin Tarantino, it turns out, is one of the non-likers, which is saying something considering some of movies he’s on record as liking. Just saying, you can usually predict his favorite movies of the year by just checking out what’s playing at the 3-dollar cheap seats.

Quentin’s main criticism of Prometheus, expressed on a recent episode of Craig Ferguson, was the same one many people had — the characters were often really goddamn dumb…

“There was a lot of dumb stuff in it. When it got to the point where they’re on another planet and then a space cobra literally shows up, opens up its hood and the guy who’s in charge of alien creatures goes, [adopts girlish dumb voice] ‘Hey, little fella! How ya doin?’ I was like, uhhhhh…. It’s a space cobra!”

Also, why didn’t the camera focus more on Noomi Rapace’s feet as she was running around the ship in her gauze bikini? Come on, if you want Quentin Tarantino’s approval, there’s certain prerequisites that need to be met.

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So just because Tarantino likes bad movies, that means his complaints aren’t especially valid? Every character except for Noomi and Fassbender’s were complete idiots. The BIOLOGIST, who STUDIES LIFE runs from an obviously dead alien head but goes practically balls deep all over A FUCKING SPACE COBRA. There is nothing wrong with liking the movie, it was beautiful, but there is absolutely NO way to defend the incredibly stupid characters and Frankenstein plot assembled from multiple scripts. ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NO GOD DAMN WAY.

There’s a difference between the world not being realistic and the character motivations not being realistic. Like, Star Wars* is set in a much *less* realistic world, but everyone’s motivations make sense.

* Obviously only referring to the original trilogy here. And maybe only the first two.

Oh, the man got a valid point, I agree with him about the stupidity of some characters. I remembered that part of the space cobra (and automatically could hear the girlish voice) and I had to laugh. It was so surreal and dumb.

I feel like when something like The Thing existed as far back as 1982, where it was horrifying and inspired a real sense of dread, all while have characters act like, god forbid, human beings who can function and feed themselves, there’s not that much excuse now. At least something like Cabin in the Woods gave a reason that everyone acted like a cliched moron.

Based on how Kingdom of Heaven was an awful, disjointed mess in theaters and surprisingly good as a four-hour director’s cut, I have reason to believe there’s deleted Prometheus footage showing those two guys going insane while stuck inside the space cobra hatching station. I just have to believe.