Jessica, a gorgeous blonde, who was waiting for the bus at a crowded bus stop, wore some figure enhancing clothes like a bright red, tight leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and a high fashion leather jacket.

The bus arrived and it was Jessica’s turn to step aboard; however, she soon learned that her skirt was a little too tight. It did not allow her to lift her leg as high as the height of the bus’ first step.

Jessica grew a little embarrassed with her situation, but she flashed a short smile to the bus driver as she reached behind herself, unzipping her skirt a little. She thought that would release her skirt just enough to allow her to lift her leg up to the step.

But as Jessica once again tried to step onto the bus she soon learned that she still could not make that first step. By now everyone behind her in line to get onto the bus realized her situation, and there were a few muffled laughs, which only embarrassed Jessica even more.

Once again Jessica reached her arm behind her, unzipping her skirt just a little more. Once again she tried to raise her leg up to the step, and once again she was unable lift her leg high enough because of her tight skirt.

At this point most of the passengers on the bus realized what was delaying their trip, and they were actively talking about it. Some were shouting encouragement to Jessica. Naturally, she was getting very embarrassed with her situation.

She decided to give her skirt another go, so she again gave a little smile to the driver while she again reached her hand behind herself unzipping the tight red skirt just a little more. But three times were not the charm because she again could not reach that step.

At this point a large lumberjack type who was standing right behind her in line swiftly picked her up by the waist and gently placed her on the step she had tried so hard to reach.

By now Jessica was so embarrassed that she went ballistic, spun around to her would be Sir Lancelot and screamed at him, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”

To which the lumberjack replied, “Well ma’am, I ordinarily would agree with you. But after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends.”

*****

This Blonde Ain’t so Dumb!

A very attractive blonde woman walks up to the bar in a quiet pub in the Irish countryside. She gestures alluringly to the barkeep, who quickly comes over to her.

When he arrives, she playfully tugs on his full, bushy beard bringing his face close to hers in the process. She starts to gently caress his beard, then she softly strokes his face with both of her hands asking, “Are you the manager?”

“Uh, actually, no, I‘m not,” he replies.

“Well, honey, can you get him for me? I need to speak to him.” While she speaks, she runs her hands up through his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid that I can’t,” breathlessly replies the bartender, who is getting excited about the possibilities. “Is there anything that I can do?”

“Yes there is,” she answers. “I want you to give him a message for me,” she says as she slips two of her fingers into his mouth, allowing him to suck them gently.

“Tell him that there’s no toilet paper in the ladies room.”

*****

The game contestant in the following video is not blonde, but the woman he is with is. Perhaps it is a birds of a feather situation. The contestant’s hair is gray, but it must have been blonde at one time cause smart he is not. Watch.

Obviously many members of the audience must also be blonde, because 56% of them believe that the sun orbits around the Earth.

What made this guy think he is smart enough to become a contestant on a game show? Perhaps he is the smartest one in his circle of friends, and they encouraged him to apply to be on the show.

“Well, Pierre is smart,” they say. “He should go on Millionaire. He is sure to win big time.”

These are three of my very favorite blonde videos. We have posted the first one before, but it is special enough to warrant posting again. A beautiful, young blonde is anxious to make her mark in show business. In her own words, she “was born to do this.”

But enough talk because a video is worth more than a thousand words. Give a look:

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Now, wasn’t that special?

*****

Johnny Carson was king of the late night talk shows for about 30 years. Many tried to dethrone him including Joey Bishop, Dick Cavett, Merv Griffin, and quite a few others.

But he reigned supreme, and one of the reasons was beautiful Carol Wayne, who was on his show 101 times. The following video is Carol’s last appearance on The Tonight Show because she passed away suddenly not long after this interview. Carol fit the dumb blonde stereotype perfectly, and, of course, Johnny knew exactly how to play it for the funniest effect.

*****

Well, we have saved the best for last. This video is from the Newlywed Game TV series which began its long run in 1966. The blonde in the video is a classic. She is the piece de resistance when it comes to dumb blondes.

Despite her lack of intellect, she is very cute and surprisingly appealing. If there was a hall of fame for dumb blonde videos, this one would be there right at the top. Enough talk. Watch and smile.

Today we have yet more and more blonde jokes, along with some very clever blonde videos.

An attractive blonde was on her first date with a new gentleman friend whom she thought just might be Mr. Right. They were dining in an elegant first-class restaurant, and she especially wanted to make a good first impression.

But, suddenly, her onion soup got the best of her. Just as their waiter began serving the main course, the blonde released an enormous and embarrassing fart.

Completely mortified, she tried to cover up her distress by blaming the waiter. So she said, “Waiter! Please stop that immediately!”

“But, of course, mademoiselle,” the waiter responded graciously. “Which way was it headed?”

*****

Next we have a video of blonde stand-up comedienne Victoria Jackson regaling us with her version of a few blonde jokes:

*****

And where, can blondes get away with just about anything if they are good looking? Las Vegas!

Two male casino dealers working at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas were assigned to a craps table in a remote corner of the casino. They noticed a buxom blonde heading their way.

The blonde, who was gorgeous, walked up to their table and said, “I would like to bet ten thousand dollars on one roll of the dice. But, I would feel a lot luckier if I rolled the dice while I was totally naked.”

The dealers took one look at each other and immediately both agreed.

The beautiful blonde removed all of her clothes, stripping herself completely naked. She picked up the dice and began to shake them, which, of course, made some of her body parts shake too. The two dealers were in heaven watching the blonde shake and blow on the dice.

The blonde let the dice fly toward the other end of the table and then screamed, “I won! I won!” Then she started jumping up and down and, still naked, began hugging each of the dealers, who could not believe that this gorgeous, naked blonde was hugging each of them.

The blonde then picked up her money, gathered up her clothes and walked away.

The two dealers just stared at each other for a moment. Then the first one said, “What did she roll, anyway?”

The second dealer said, “What did she roll? I thought you were watching the dice!”

*****

How about a little more Victoria Jackson a little earlier in her career when she was new in show business and appeared on the Johnny Carson Show?

It is a special blonde celebration day here at McCafferty’s Pub. If you are blonde it is happy hour all day long for you. To honor the blondes and the joy they add to our world here at McCafferty’s, the patrons have come up with a few more blonde jokes, stories and videos.

If you are blonde yourself, there is a possibility that you may need someone to explain the jokes to you, so make sure that your other half is somewhere about while you read them.

The Firing Squad

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are about to executed by a firing squad for perpetrating crimes against humanity. The brunette and the redhead are very beautiful, while the blonde is on the plain side and is slightly on the dumber side too.

The guards bring the brunette forward first, and the executioner recites his usual statement asking the brunette if she has any last requests.

Everyone is startled, surprised and is looking around for signs of an earthquake. Amidst all of the hubbub Vanessa, the brunette, manages to disappear and evade her date with destiny.Naturally, the guards are very angry because they know they will be held accountable for letting the brunette escape. They next bring the redhead forward to face the firing squad, after which the executioner asks her if she has any last requests.

“no,” responds Nicole, the beautiful redhead.

Then the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .”

Nicole suddenly screams loudly, “tornado!”

Once again, everyone including the guards is startled and looking skyward for signs of a tornado.

Amidst the hullabaloo, Nicole, the redhead, also manages to escape.

By this point, Ellen, the blonde, has figured out the secret to what the others did to escape. The guards angrily drag her in front of the firing squad.

The executioner then asks if Ellen has any last requests.

Ellen also replies, “No.”

So the executioner again shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .”

At that moment Ellen, the blonde, suddenly shouts out, “Fire!”

*****

Police Lecture

A policeman is lecturing three blonde trainees who are studying to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it from view.

The policeman then asks the first blonde, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we will be able to catch him quickly because he only has one eye!”

The policeman, who is a little unnerved by her response, then says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture shows his profile.”

Flustered by the first blonde’s ridiculous response, the policeman flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and then asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”

The second blonde is confident of her answer replying, “Ha! He would be easy to catch because he only has one ear! There can‘t be many suspects like that around.”

The policeman is beginning to lose his patience with his students and responds somewhat angrily, “What’s the matter with you two? Only one eye and one ear are showing because the photo is of his profile! Certainly you can come up with better answers than that!”

The officer instructor is extremely frustrated by now, but he shows the picture to the third blonde because he hopes she has more on the ball and the other two blondes. He asks in a slightly testy voice, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” Then he quickly adds, “now think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”

The third blonde looks at the picture intently for a quite a while, then says, “Hmm…the suspect wears contact lenses.”

The policeman is pleasantly surprised because even he doesn’t really know if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s a very interesting answer. You ladies wait here for a few minutes while I check the suspect’s file.”

Leaving the room the officer goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, then returns with a beaming smile on his face. “Wow! I can’t believe it. It’s true! The suspect does wear contact lenses. Good work young lady! How were you ever able to make such an astute observation?”

“That’s easy,” the third blonde replies. “He can’t possibly wear regular glasses because he has only one eye and one ear.”

*****

The Ventriloquist

While touring the night clubs performing one night stands a ventriloquist stopped one night to do a performance at a small town in Kansas. He began his usual routine with his dummy on his knee as he told blonde joke after blonde joke.

Suddenly a blonde in the audience stood up on her chair and started shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. Why do you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being?”

She continued, “It’s men like you that keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community. We’re unable to reach our full potential as a person because of your constant jokes. You and your kind perpetuate discrimination not only against blondes, but also against women in general. It’s a disgrace that is all done under the guise of humor!”

The ventriloquist was truly embarrassed and started to apologize.

But the blonde interrupted yelling “You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee.”

*****

Our video presents an event where rugby and a beautiful blonde blend together harmoniously. How refreshing.

There is a language barrier in this video, but do not let that deter you. You will enjoy it no matter what language you speak.

Now isn’t that remarkable. Our bikini clad blonde was featured as athletic, beautiful and intellectual all in one video. There is hope for blonde stereotypes yet.

Elisha, a gorgeous blonde, received a new cell phone from her husband as a birthday gift. She had never owned a cell phone before.

The following day, while she was shopping at Target, her phone rang, so she answered it.

It was her husband, who said, “How do you like the new cell phone?”

Elisha replied, “It’s great, but how did you know I was at Target?”

*****

A beautiful blonde suspected that her boyfriend was cheating on her with her best friend. Because she was so depressed over the situation, she went to a gun store and bought a revolver.

Later that day she went to his apartment with the gun in her purse. Upon arrival she used her key to enter the apartment quietly. Then she sneaked up to his bedroom door.

She quickly threw open the door and saw her boyfriend lying in bed in the arms of her best friend. Unsure what to do next and overcome with grief, she pointed the revolver at the side her head.

Her boyfriend screamed, “Baby, please! Don’t do it!”

The blonde yelled back, “Shut up! You’re next!”

*****

One day a stunningly beautiful blonde was riding a horse. As they trotted along the blonde decided that she wanted to go faster and get the horse to perform a few tricks.

She began to turn the horse around in a circle. Suddenly, she started to slip and she grabbed the horse’s mane to keep from falling off. However, that did not completely prevent her from falling and she continued to slip.

She felt that the best thing to do was to jam her foot tightly into the stirrup.

Soon she was riding along hanging from the horse by just her foot, with her head banging on the ground.

Frantic with fear, she was almost near death when the K-Mart guy came over and turned off the horse.

We have three blonde jokes today in the form of three videos. It should be noted that no blondes were harmed or severely injured during the making of these videos, even the blonde waitress. However, the blonde in the first video was severely embarrassed.

Our first video is at the Miss Universe pageant. Imagine: you have been through so many beauty pageants that you feel like an old hand at it even though you are still not much older than a kid. You finally make it to the Miss Universe pageant for your real shot at the big time. You walk down the runway smiling and feeling confident, when suddenly…

Our second video shows a blonde waitress cleaning up a bar after hours, something that happens every night in bars all over the globe. This time, however, things went a little differently.

Repeated attempts by the flight attendant prove unsuccessful at convincing the blonde to move. The attendant enters the cockpit to inform the pilot and co-pilot about the situation.

The co-pilot goes to first class to talk to the woman and also explains why she must move. Once again the woman replies, “I’m blonde, and I’m beautiful. I’m going to Detroit and I’m staying right here.”

After returning to the cockpit the co-pilot suggests that they should have the police arrest the woman when they land.

The pilot replies, “Wait a minute! You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde, so I speak blonde fluently.”

The pilot leaves the cockpit going back to the blonde illegally sitting in first class and whispers quietly into her ear.

She says, “Oh, no! I’m sorry.” Then she quickly and quietly returns to her seat in the economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask the pilot what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

The pilot replies, “I told her first class isn’t going to Detroit.”

*****

One Blonde To Another

A blonde was having major financial difficulties, so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.

She went to a local park and grabbed a small boy taking him behind a tree. Then she wrote the following note: “I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money.”

“Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the old oak tree in the park at 7 AM sharp.” It was signed, “The Blonde.”

The blonde pinned the note inside the lad’s jacket and then told him to go straight home.

The very next morning, the blonde returned to the park at exactly 7:01 AM. She found the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the old oak tree, exactly as she had instructed.

Inside the bag she found the following note: “Here is your money, but I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another.”