WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - A broad-based coalition of millionaires converged on Washington today to defeat a bill that would have increased the minimum wage for American workers to $10.10 an hour.
Leaving behind their mansions and yachts, the millionaires were motivated by what they saw as an existential threat to the country, Mitch McConnell, a spokesman for the millionaires, said.

“This was an extremely diverse coalition,” McConnell said, noting that everyone from the rich to the very rich to the super-rich united to vote down the bill.
McConnell hoped that today’s vote would burnish the millionaires’ reputation as “people who get things done.”
“Folks who have tried to pin a ‘do nothing’ label on us are dead wrong,” he said. “When it comes to stopping workers from being paid more, we spring into action.”
www.borowitzreport.com

First comes the melodrama, next comes the killing. Good vs. evil, suffering innocents vs. swaggering bullies, heroes vs. villains. The “Two Minutes Hate,” Orwell called it — the way of the world since the invention of mass media.
So it is during the current political crisis in the Ukraine. In the U.S. media, the identity of the Bad Guy has been clearly determined: Russian president Vladimir Putin, the one-time KGB operative with the hooded eyes.
“The world has not yet forgotten World War Two, but Russia already wants to start World War Three,” Ukrainian prime minister Arseny Yatseniuk has declared. He accuses Moscow of acting like a “gangster,” of supporting “terrorists,” and alleges that Putin wishes to build a new Berlin Wall.

So what’s taking him so long? If Putin really wanted a shooting war in the Ukraine, he’s had ample opportunities to start one since the overthrow of that country’s Russian-leaning elected government last February.
Instead, Putin managed to transfer the Crimean peninsula, with its strategically crucial military bases, from Ukrainian to Russian sovereignty without firing a shot—an impressive feat of geopolitical gamesmanship whether you trust the cunning rascal or not. Indeed, it’s hard to imagine any Russian head of state willingly surrendering control of warm-water naval bases on the Black Sea.
Even if the vast majority of Crimean citizens didn’t yearn to return to Mother Russia, as quite clearly they did.
Meanwhile, the role of Good Guy in the Ukrainian melodrama has fallen by default to President Barack Obama, who appears disinclined to play it.

“Why is it that everybody is so eager to use military force,” the president asked recently, “after we’ve just gone through a decade of war at enormous cost to our troops and to our budget? And what is it exactly that these critics think would have been accomplished?”
He didn’t call any names, but Obama did mention the Sunday TV talk shows, where 2008 presidential rival Senator John McCain (R-AZ) frequently holds forth. It’s a rare interview that doesn’t find the bellicose Arizonan, who’s supported all 14 of the nation’s last three wars, yearning to bomb somebody.

LOS ANGELES (The Borowitz Report) — After being banned by the N.B.A. Tuesday afternoon, the Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling told reporters that he would miss being around people he hates.
“Sure, I’m saddened by this,” Sterling said. “Sitting in the stands night after night, a boiling cauldron of hatred bubbling inside me—it doesn’t get better than that. Those were good times.”

“Knowing that I’ll never be able to sit in that arena again and look down on the people I despise—that hurts the most,” he said.
Looking back on his three-decade tenure with the Clippers, though, Sterling said he felt some measure of satisfaction: “No one hated more people than I did, and the feeling was mutual.”

LOS ANGELES (The Borowitz Report)—The Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling offered a “total and remorseful” apology for his racist comments today, telling reporters, “Once I saw that Donald Trump was defending me, I knew I had done something horribly wrong.”
Sterling acknowledged that he had turned a blind eye to a mountain of criticism from basketball luminaries and national leaders, but said that seeing Trump defend him on Fox News on Monday had left him “shaken.”
“Look, I know I’m not perfect,” he said. “But when Donald Trump takes your side, you have to take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself, ‘Have I become some kind of monster?’”

I may be forced to use one of these for the Seasonal Contest "Spring"
Under the rainbow made by my watering hose and the sun you can see a black arc.
That is the netting container for the little lettuce plants you see under it. The netting is to protect my future salads from the gorgeous critter in the next photo.

I live in the middle of town at a very busy street. It makes me sad how much of the wild critters' habitats we have messed with. But that does not so much apply to black bears roaming. Note the bit of graffiti behind him. it was done by my nephew with paint cans he stole from my workshop.

I'm in love. At first sight (never heard of him before...)and hoping he'll read this and call.

This man is funny, beautiful to look at, self-depracating, healthy, a Democrat, and a Billionaire. He is giving huge amounts of money to support the things we want him to support.
I'll get to WHO he is in just a minute.
So damn effin' rare to find that.
A first for me.
He and Bill carried on about the OTHER rich guys, and their reasons to not "share" their wealth in spite of the fact that we all can only eat one lunch a day, and wear only one shirt at a time. And that instead of sharing they decimate the wealth of others to amass more of their own for insane and singly self serving reasons.

This man Tom and Bill discussed the fantasy of having the Koch brothers on Bill's show so they could have a discussion about climate change all together now. And then they frolicked knowing that can't happen with men who strike from the darkness of the shadows. But Tom said (paraphrasing of course, as you must remember I'm excited and newly in love) that they may have the advantage of that there is two of them, but he has truth and science on his side.

OK
I go back to the show now, but I'll leave you with this clip from who this man is:

Tom Steyer is a clean energy advocate and the Founder and President of NextGen Climate, a “non-partisan organization focused on bringing climate change to the forefront of America’s political dialogue.” In a recent blog post about his visit to the Canadian tar sands, Steyer writes, “I have always firmly believed that Keystone XL unlocks even more carbon pollution in the Alberta tar sands, and my trip to the source convinced me even further that this is not an investment we can afford to make.”

Tom Steyer is a clean energy advocate and the Founder and President of NextGen Climate, a “non-partisan organization focused on bringing climate change to the forefront of America’s political dialogue.” In a recent blog post about his visit to the Canadian tar sands, Steyer writes, “I have always firmly believed that Keystone XL unlocks even more carbon pollution in the Alberta tar sands, and my trip to the source convinced me even further that this is not an investment we can afford to make.”

Twitter: @TomSteyer

The Panel:

John Avlon is the Editor in Chief of The Daily Beast and a CNN political analyst. In 2010 he helped found the nonpartisan organization No Labelsin order to combat the growing political divide in Washington.

Twitter: @JohnAvlon
Christine Quinn is the former Speaker of the New York City Council and candidate for mayor. She serves on the board of the Tyler Clementi Foundation and Athlete Ally. Her book is With Patience and Fortitude – A Memoir.

Twitter: @chriscquinn
Charles Murray is the author of The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Getting Ahead. He is the W.H. Brady Scholar at the American Enterprise Institute and writes for publications including The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times. Murray recently wrote an open letter to the students of Azusa Pacific University after the school’s administration cancelled his planned speaking engagement.

Twitter: @CharlesMurray

Mid-Show Guest:

Annabelle Gurwitch joins the panel mid-show to discuss her latest book,I See You Made An Effort: Compliments, Indignities, and Survival Stories from the Edge of 50. The New York Times says, “Annabelle Gurwitch is a funny woman. Her amusing new book raises serious questions about aging.” Gurwitch was the original host of “Dinner & a Movie” and the theatrical production of her second book, You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up, is now in its third national tour.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — Republican politicians blasted the Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy on Thursday for making flagrantly racist remarks instead of employing the subtler racial code words the G.O.P. has been using for decades.
“We Republicans have worked long and hard to develop insidious racial code words like ‘entitlement society’ and ‘personal responsibility,’ ” said Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky). “There is no excuse for offensive racist comments like the ones Cliven Bundy made when there are so many subtler ways of making the exact same point.”
Fox News also blasted the rancher, saying in a statement, “Cliven Bundy’s outrageous racist remarks undermine decades of progress in our effort to come up with cleverer ways of saying the same thing.”