This is from when I first started blogging. A lot has changed since I posted here. For a current story, please visit 5andaviking.blogspot.com. Thank you! P.S. Please don't choke on the cyber dust that has settled in these old archives. Also- try not to laugh at me too much. ;)

Sunday, November 30, 2008

This is a post that I wrote at about 21 weeks gestation, I knew it would be months before I actually posted it, but felt I needed to write it then. This has been saved in my little “Blogging stuff” folder, and now it is my joy to share it with you.On Monday at 12:02, I gave birth to an extremely healthy baby boy, Silas Noah. (I’m working on a VERY long birth story post… it’ll be a while before you see it.)I pray that as you read on, God would fill you with peace and hope, for whatever it is that your family is going or will be going through. Enjoy!

The peace of this moment is unearthly. What a calm, so surreal. Gideon is in bed, not sleeping yet, just chattering away, “a-mamma, wam a ma, Dah?” I think he just tossed his sippy cup out of the crib. The rain outside is coming down pretty hard. I love rain. The house is dimly lit, just one table lamp is on. I was reading, but had to put down my book in order to capture this beautiful moment. My feet are up (a common occurrence these days, as I’m prone to retaining water.) I just finished a small square of chocolate, and have another waiting for me. Sipping my iced coffee… this moment is perfect. The best part is, the peace. “No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work” sings Fred Hammond and his choir through the computer. “No way, no way, it won’t work… I know God will do what He said He will do. He’ll stand by his word… Don’t be afraid of the enemy.” No weapon formed against me, against my family, against my pre-born child, will prosper. It just won’t work, that my soul knows very well.

You see, this morning I received a phone call from my Dr., she was calling to share some results from my ultrasound last week. “There are many reasons why this might be, such as an incorrect due date, a measurement error by the ultrasound technician, or any number of things, but it looks as though your baby has shorter femur and humus bones than a baby this stage of gestation should have. I know that you won’t do anything with this information, but this could be a sign of down syndrome. I just need to tell you this. We’ll do another ultrasound in a few weeks, and you already said you don’t want the other tests for discovering birth defects. So, just think about it, call me if you have any questions.” I responded very cool, it didn’t even phase me. I called Mark at work, we both decided that we’d rather not have any unnecessary tests, and this little baby is a blessing, and will be born fearfully and wonderfully made. I was fine, I had peace, and I believed that our baby would be born healthy. But Satan began whispering lies to me, he started moving fear into me heart, giving me all the reasons this was happening, I couldn’t handle this. I called my mom, knowing she could stand with me in prayer, knowing her faith would spread to me, knowing that I’d be encouraged by her soothing voice and peaceful countenance. “Mom, we don’t want anyone else to know about this, because we know that everything will be fine but I just need you to pray for me…” bursting into sobs I told her what the Dr. said, she prayed with me and said she’d start fasting, and keeping us in her prayers, but she believed that this baby boy is to be born completely whole, completely healthy. I agreed.Hours later now, I am so in awe of how the Lord has changed my spirit, from panic, fear and needless guilt, to peace, hope and complete faith. Surely, no weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work!

This little baby growing inside of me is a blessing, I love him, I will always love him, but more importantly, Jesus Christ loves him, and can take so much better care of him than I ever could. That’s why I give my children back to God, he knows and cares for them in a way that’s outside of time, he knows their beginnings and their ends and every step in between. This baby has a destiny, and whatever that may be, God’s got a hold of him. No amount of worry, fear or research can give him any better than what the Lord has for him.

“No weapon formed against me shall prosper, it won’t work, when the Enemy comes in like a flood the Lord will lift up a standard against him, and he won’t prosper, no, no, no, no, no, no, it won’t work… I know God will do what He said He will do, He will stand by his word He will come through… I won‘t be afraid of the arrows by day, from the hands of my enemies I will stand my ground with the Lord at my side… No weapon formed against me shall prosper, IT WON‘T WORK!…”

Friday, November 14, 2008

“See that? You’re having a boy!” exclaimed the ultrasound technician. Perfect! 2 boys, brothers. Close in age, they’ll take care of each other, and together, be role models for future siblings, and watch over any sisters they might have. 2 boys! We started calling our families and my brother John said “wow! Jane, you’re a mom of men!” “What? No, they’re just babies. They’re not men. I can take care of babies, I have no clue how to be a mom to men!”

As Gideon is getting older, and daily showing less signs of infanthood, and more signs of boyhood, I’m faced with a specific conflict. Is it possible to raise a boy to be a man who defends justice, protects the weak and helpless and stands up for what is right, without allowing violent play? Is it possible to raise them to be that way with violent play?

I joke with Jeffrey (my younger brother) about how I’m not a pacifist, I’m a peaceful activist. It’s rather silly, seeing as how I’m rarely active in expressing my beliefs. And honestly, still coming to my own conclusions on so many issues, that I may not even know where to start most kinds of activism.

I am going to try to refrain from making blanket statements or using any kind of generalities. With that said, I am going to avoid disclaimers as much as possible, if someone actually wants to comment on this blog, I’d love some free discussion.

I do not want any of my sons (and obviously my daughters) to join the military, any branch. I don’t believe that Jesus would have done any such thing, and regardless of what happened in the Old Testament, I see NO evidence in the New Testament that such a thing is honoring to God.The dilemma? Do I allow my sons to “reenact” battles from wars of our history? Does the learning opportunity outweigh the moral? Do the moral issues involved in war actually give me an avenue to teach my sons about social injustice? If I never want them to participate in the killing of human beings legal or otherwise, how can I allow it in their play time?

Carol - http://www.thoughts-of-home.blogspot.com/ put a post up about a week ago giving great gift giving advice. She had several links to articles and other blogs, that analyzed play and such… the one I chose to read was called “band, bang! You’re dead.” It was interesting. I read it, Mark read it, and we’ve been discussing it whenever we get a chance. The other night we stayed up WAY too late, because we couldn’t stop chatting. (sometimes, when bed time comes around, my husband and I are more like little girls at a sleepover, rather than a married couple with a toddler and a baby on the way… wow, not that I’m calling Mark a little girl… man, that sounds bad… anyway…) The author of this article had many interesting points. I wish I just had a recording of the 3 hour conversation we had on this, it was riveting. (everything seems more insightful late at night, don’t you think?) Over the next few weeks, I’m going to try to do my best to recap the conclusions we came to. The reasons for why such conclusions were made, and what we intend to allow in our home, and for our family.