Saturday, June 2, 2007

So I got to escape from the office for awhile to go to the bank. I walked there and took an extra long time to enjoy the nice weather, the pretentious Winter Park hoochies who are simply disgusted at my Target and Walmart wardrobe and the man walking the dog with the cone on its head. Now that I'm back and preparing to make my copies, I notice that once again, my crazy coworker has been snooping around on my computer while I'm gone. I don't care if she technically has the right to or not, I think its so rude and sneaky and coniving that I just want to scream. I swear to all of you out there reading this (I'm totally serious, right hand on my heart and left hand in the air) that when I do get another job, I am going to download the most horrific raunchy, disgusting and disturbing porn that I can. I am going to change the background of my computer to a scene from S&M Midgets Take Over Vegas Hotels. I am going to find the dirtiest, nastiest crap, save the images, and then photoshop Gail's face onto whoever is in the most compromising position. I'm then going to take a screen capture of the whole thing and paste it over the actual desktop so her little pea brain isn't capable of figuring out how to get it off! Then I'm going to burst into tears and call the company owner over to my desk and say: "I don't know what Gail is trying to say here, but its.... its.... its just really inappropriate and I'm REALLY offended."This will be better than than the time that the Bentley tried to make us pay an extra months rent because we turned in our 60 notice on day 59 and I threatened to pay them in all change.One can dream. Until then, if you need me, I'll be the one quietly weeping in the silent office by the lady whose cat has feline herpes.

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About Me

-I am, at once, highly ambitious and extremely lazy.
-I like to pick fights with people on Apartmentratings.com.
-I believe in survival of the fittest and eat or be eaten. I think children should be raised to claw their way to the top and know the difference between right and wrong. In that respect, I believe Liberal America is destroying what is great about freedom and about living in general.
-I have never been able to wear high heels for more than five minutes.
-Processed lunch meat makes me think of people who may be missing limbs. This fact disturbs me as much as it just disturbed you.
-The theme song to Unsolved Mysteries has been known to make me cry.
-I once ate a boullion cube.