WWF RAW is WAR

27.8.1

BLAH

TONIGHT: It's
the GR, and it's the WWF! Also, the WCW title is on the
line as Rock faces Rhyno! But that's not all - it's the Big Show, well,
against Booker T! All this and SO MUCH MORE - don't ya DARE miss it!

TV-14-DLV - CC - One World Leader Attitude - WWF!

LAST THURSDAY:
Austin screwed Jericho! Call your mom!

JMShaPYRO - off and away from the Van Andel (who?) Arena in Grand Rapids,
MI - WE ARE LIVE 27.8.1 on TNN (and maybe TSN) with the WWF, where you
just *may* have heard through the grapevine that RAW IS WAR! Don't look
now, but....I think Eric O'Brien's in the house

Not only is this show Transmitido en espanol SAP, but there are people in
WWF New York!

But first...here come de money, and here come SHANE CAN'T DANCE. Sign in
crowd: "If Stephanie sings, I want my money back" Shane: "About five
months ago, I purchased a company with my hard-earned money. ... I
purchased a company, again, with my hard-earned money, called WCW. I
didn't buy that company just for my amusement. I didn't buy that company
just because I felt bored one day, no, I bought that company to buy the
most dominant brand in sports entertainment period. And continue to put
the World Wrestling Federation and my father out of business. SHADDUP!
One of the greatest assets that came with WCW happened to be its champion
- its five-time WCW Champion. And I'm sure that all of you agree with me
- he is the most electrifying man in sports entertainment today - that's
right, I'm talking about Booker T! See that's a champion you can get
behind, that's a champion you can say 'I'm proud of the WCW Champion
Booker T.' Unlike the current WCW champion. You see, that champion stands
for everything that I DESPISE in this business - and I - I'll be damned if
I'm gonna sit around and watch my hard-earned money...with the WCW title
around the waist of the Rock. See, Rock, I like to say it's ...not about
the money, but I'd be lying; it's all about the money. And Rock, you see,
you being WCW Champion, you don't, you don't give a damn, so therefore
it's not a good return on my investment, because you need a champion who
does care. Rock, you don't care about the history of WCW NOR it's future.
And that's why tonight, oh man, are you all in for a treat tonight,
because tonight In This Very Ring we will have a NEW WCW Champion
crowned...because the Rock is goin' down at the hands of Rhyno! Yeah,
Rhyno will bring back the WCW championship where it belongs...in the
Alliance. I'm just sad to say that, I'm really happy for Rhyno tonight,
but MAN, if Rhyno did not beat me to it, I would be more than happy to lay
the smack down on the Rock myself and become the WCW Champion!" That's
the cue for THE
ROCK...and I'm not sure I like where I think this
is going. Rock pauses for a chant. "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to
Grand Rapids! Now Shane McMahon, just so the Rock understands this, the
Rock supposedly doesn't care about the history of the WCW? The Rock
doesn't care about the history of the WCW title? Well the Rock knows damn
well the history of the WCW title - the Rock knows that the title traces
back to Frank Gotch, Lou Thesz, Ricky Steamboat, and WOOOO Ric Flaiuh!"
Then the Rock struts. Yikes! "Rock E!" "And the Rock also knows damn
well what in recent years the WCditle - title has come to...Diamond Dallas
Page, Booker T, the guy from Scream 2, the dog from Married with Children,
the maid from the Jeffersons, Shane McMahon, this WCW title is just like
your sister - everybody gets...a turn. ... You see Shane McMahon, NOW the
WCtoubleyou title has purpose - NOW the WCW title has meaning - NOW, Shane
McMahon, the WCW title has...the Rock." WOW Rock has trouble saying "WCW
title." "And Shane McMahon, regarding your future, congratulations on
purchasing the WCW. Because, quite frankly speaking, the Rock has earned
the right to stand before you tonight and say that without a shadow, the
Rock will be the most electrifying WCW Champion the world has ever seen!"
Rock lowers his mic, anticipating yet another chant. "Now Shane McMahon,
the Rock knows he's got his championship match against Rhyno later on
tonight. But how about the Rock throw a little proposition at you? You
wanna talk about you takin' the WCW title from the Rock? Well how about
the Rock walk down this ramp....get INSIDE the People's Ring....and how
about you try and take the WCW title from the Rock." Shane puts his mic
down, steps to the ropes...and makes the international "Just Bring It"
sign. So Rock drops HIS mic, and bounds to the ring - and Shane leaves.
HA! Shane back to the steps - up one step - up two steps - to the top
step... - RHYNO THE MAN
BEAST is in the ring and behind Rock - but Rock
lands "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," stom, stomp, stomp, Shane from
behind - Rock falls to his knees but is more annoyed that hurt - pops back
up, "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, right, NOW KISS THAT
RIGHT...but when he turns back, Rhyno hits him with the GORE!GORE!GORE!
Play his music! Rhyno helps Shane back to his feet...and they leave Rock
clutching his ribs in the middle of the ring. Here's another angle of
Rock's mighty spit punch...and Rhyno's spear. Wow, Rock is STILL down...

So if Rock didn't mention Jeff Jarrett as a bad champion, is that a good
sign for him coming back? Not at all? Oh.

Props to the people who write this crap for not booking a title shot for
Shane then and there, which is what I was scared was gonna happen.

To the Room of Fun we go, where Austin is clad in a sling...and Debra is
trying to fuss over it, without luck. "OWCH! That damn Jericho messed up
my arm, I don't need you pullin' on the damn thing." "I know!" "It's
killin' me!" "I'm trying to be careful." "Well be careful!" "Well don't
act absurd" "My damn arm hurts! I'm WWF Champion!" "Well I know!"
"Shut up! Come in. My arm's killin' me. How 'bout some sympathy?" "I
*am* givin' it to ya." "How's it goin' there guys." It's Rob van Dam and
Raven. "Hey Steve." "How's the shoulder goin'?" "It's killin' me!
That damn Jericho last Thursday night." "Yeah, but you beat his ass,
though." "I beat his ass! but he got a little, he got a little something
there--" "Speaking about beating ass, Steve, me and RVD got this little
thing here, and, you know, we're gonna have a little hardcore title match,
but we kinda need your approval, your blessing before we do it." "Yeah,
Raven thinks he can beat me." "I know I can." "You think you can beat
him." "Absolutely." "You think you can beat him." "*snickers* c'mon,
yeah." "Heh heh, ahhh - how selfish can you guys be? On a night like
tonight, look! My arm's killin' me! I've been challenged by Jericho and
Kurt Angle to find a tag team partner, to face them tonight, I'm in pain
and you wanna talk about fighting each other for the hardcore title?
Guys - I thought we were supposed to be together, I thought we were
supposed to be the Alliance. What are you thinkin'?" "Maybe you
shouldn't...I mean.." "M-maybe - why don't we team up? Instead
against Kurt Angle and Jericho, so you--" "No, no, no, I'm gonna go out
there and what I'm gonna do, singlehandedly--" "Steve, Steve. (points to
himself)" "No no no - no, listen. I'm gonna take both those guys on, by
myself, in a handicap match, THAT'S what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take
'em..." but Austin has to stop and grimace, and hold his wounded arm.
Raven: "Steve, you know, I admire your courage and all, but why don't you
let RVD - no, RVD, let me do it, and RVD can help me." "That sounds crazy
but it just might work." "I'm your man right here...and Raven, too."
"You guys can handle it? All right, you guys, you got it, I appreciate
it, but I'm gonna be right there with you, I'm gonna be in your corner
tonight. That's what I call leadership! See?"

WOW! Labor Day Trekathon! To think I scheduled a vacation when I could
have stayed home and watched STAR TREK ALL DAY

Nothing beats the experience of the WWF Live - tomorrow in Detroit,
Saturday in Worcester, Sunday in Halifax, next week RAW is Toronto, next
Tuesday they *stay* in Toronto! Feel it!

TAKER (on his beautiful Something
Python Bike) v. AALIYAAAAAAAAAAHLBERT
(with X-Pactor) - Kane has been "hospitalized with
an infected elbow,"
says Ross, and won't be around tonight. This is a DREAM match - those of
us "in the know" of "backstage happenings" know that Taker has made known
his "respect" for "Albert," which adds some "subtext" to this "match."
In other words, an awful lot of "smarks" think Taker should "job," and
"pass the torch," which says a lot about them right there BY THE WAY, and
what more perfect opportunity to lay down for three seconds than right
here? Me, I hope Taker FLATTENS this behemoth, 'cause the American Badass
is UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME. Okay, soapbox away, it's time to put that
play-by-play cap back on and demonstrate once again why I'm the best in
the business...at dragging out paragraphs to ungodly, unreadable lengths,
hiding the jokes so you can't POSSIBLY find 'em. Lockup, Albert shoves
Taker to the corner, Taker shoves back. Taker ducks a punch and catches
Albert in the corner - soupbone, left, soupbone, into the opposite corner
is reversed, avalanche in the corner - Ross almost called him "Yalbert," I
swear! Albert with the badmouth - NO respect at all, I tell ya - Taker
into the opposite corner...but Albert walks into a drop toehold.
Elbowdrop by the Taker, elbowdrop, arm wringer brings him back up, yankin'
and crankin' - Albert with a right, right, right, right, tries a whip but
Taker is holding fast on that arm and won't let go. "X-Pac sux!" Taker
turns the arm over again - Albert right, right, right, right, Taker ducks
the clothesline but Albert smoothly executes the reverse clothesline the
back of the head to take him off his feet. Big right hand by Albert -
Taker fires back with a soupbone. Right, soupbone, soupbone, soupbone,
into the ropes is reversed, Taker ducks the clothesline and unleashes a
flying clothesline of his own! Arm wringer once again - time to take a
trip to the OLD SCHOOL - arm in the back off the top rope. Taker steps
over into the cross armbreaker! Referee "Blind" Tim White drops down to
check on Albert...allowing X-Pac to slide into the ring, pop Taker in the
noodle, and slip back out. Taker decides to let himself out of the ring
and give X-Pac what for - got him in the choke, but White is out to try to
prevent it - and now ALBERT is out, delivering a forearm to the back of
Taker's head that shoves all three men to the floor. Taker back up -
soupbone, soupbone, soupbone - X-Pac has his cruiserweight title belt -
belt to the back - Taker calmly turns around and KO's 'Pac with a soupbone
(Ha! Right now, swarms of smarks are STAMPEDING to the message boards in
an effort to get the bonus points for being FIRST to say "Man, Taker even
no sold a BELT shot! WAAAAAH WAAAH WAAAAAAAAAH") but Taker turns around
and gets the full force of a scissors kick from Albert. Everybody back in
the ring - White pretty slow about it, though - Albert's had that leg
hooked for quite a spell - 1, 2, NO!! Taker just gets that shoulder up.
Albert dares Taker to get up and take some more punishment. Will Taker
get the Baldobomb (or as Ross calls it, the "Albertbomb")? Taker finally
to his feet...but surprises Albert with an uppercut - off the ropes with a
big boot, international sign of the chokeslam - CHOKESLAM!! 1, 2, 3!
(3:27) Man,
the Undertaker is impressive - and this was a MATCH OF THE
WEEK. There's a REASON Taker's got two belts! Don't worry, though - if
this isn't your cup of tea, coming up later is Rock and Rhyno...and Booker
T and Big Show!

Earlier Today, MICHAEL KING
COLE caught up with Hurricane Helms - he'll be
taking on Matt Hardy later tonight, but Cole is more interested in talking
about Helms' "seemingly unhealthy obsession you seem to have with the
Green Lantern. I mean, this is the guy you call the greatest superhero of
all time!" "Correction: now he's the second greatest! Next to Stone Cold
Steve Austin." "Right, well anyhow you seem to be a normal, healthy young
man on the outside, but - do you really, truly believe in superheroes?"
"Typical question from a...sanctimonious nonbeliever such as yourself.
But the fact is that superheroes don't only exist in cinema and graphical
literature as you'd LIKE to believe - no no no - they're real. You see,
tonight, just like when I take on Matt Hardy for the European title, he's
gonna have that evil sidekick Lita. You know what that reminds me of?"
Helms goes off on a tangent about Green Lantern, Lady Quark, the Mirror
Master, and some other things that make Cole (and me) grimace that lasts
for about fifteen minutes. "But anyway, they overcame - just like I will
tonight. Mark my words, citizen - you will see the birth of a real life
superhero." Helms jumps up on the table behind him and strikes the pose.
"Stand back! There's a Hurricane...comin' through!" In the interests of
full disclosure, I have to reveal that I'm probably not in that fine
demographic of "people who are as obsessed about comix as they are about
wrestling," and thus the fact that I'm not terribly impressed with this
angle should come as no surprise. (You got a better idea for Helms?)
Well, they could always have brought back 3 Count... (Great. I'll be
over here, puking my guts out. No WONDER you like the Undertaker so
much.)

Tough Enough ad

Kane may have an injured elbow, but he can still open them cans of Chef
Boyardee Big Beefaroni, yo

It's time now for the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz! From
SmackDown!, Hurricane Helms lowers the bridge on Lita, helping
Ivory get the duke. I guess this sets up the match we're about to see...

WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: MATT HARDY
(with Lita) v. HURACAN HELMS -
Heyman dubs Lita "Hopalong," which I may steal later. Helms' music now
begins "Stand back! There's a Hurricane coming through!" which is as good
a catchphrase as any, I suppose. YIKES! Helms dons the cape and paints a
mask on his face - Heyman sings the "Captain Chaos" riff, which may not
exactly be a sign of approval - if one were to read into such things,
which I may or may not be. Anybody with a cape is all right by me, though
- Tinieblas Jr. springing immediately to mind - so consider this an
official WAFFLE on the Helms project. Besides, I give Helms about a 100%
chance of taking the title tonight, given that there's no reason for Hardy
to keep it one second longer. Hardy, by the way, is the guy with the
incredibly bemused look given the state and demeanor of his opponent - who
is standing afore him with hand outstretched in a gesture of
sportsmanship. Hardy greets this Hand of Friendship with an arm wringer -
none too sporting! - followed by a short clothesline. Right, right, into
the opposite corner, Helms up and over, Hardy puts him back - right,
right, right, right, right, right, right. Into the ropes, Helms up and
over - Gregory Smack (which I guess we'll have to redub the
"super(hero)kick") - Helms quickly outside and climbing to the top. BIG
crossbody block - 1, 2, no! Helms spins in place and strikes another
superhero pose....I guess. Into the ropes, gutshot, going for the
powerbomb but Hardy counters into a side Russian legsweep. Hardy catches
the kick, spins him around into a discus right, Helms into the ropes,
biiig back body drop, scoop...and a slam. Ahhhhhhhhhh drop - 1, 2, Helms
gets the shoulders up. Hardy ducks the swing and puts Hardy on top -
forearm to the back of the head - climbing up - going for the super death
suplex but Helms shifts his weight into a crossbody...but both men are
down. We look outside to see IVORY
GILLOOLY with a crowbar to Lita
Kerrigan!! Hardy grabs Ivory by the hair - only to take a direct shot to
the gut from the crowbar - not too bright. Helms quickly over - Nightmare
on Helms Street (or whatever we're gonna call it) - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and
gentlemen, we have a new European champion. (2:20)

Michael King Cole tries to catch up with Kurt Angle, who appears in hot
pursuit. "Kurt, I just want to know your feelings on your tag team
opponents here tonight!" "Well, you're about to find out. Raven!
AHHHHHHH" and he jumps him - OH NO RIGHT INTO THE KLANGY POLES - they
simply *must* be more careful about leaving klangy poles about in the
backstage area! It's all Angle, culminating in the dreaded Anglelock on
the concrete floor. "Come on, Raven! WOOOOOO! Come on! Come on, Raven,
tap! Wooooo! Yeah! Ahhh! I want you to give Austin a little message!
Now you tell him if he wants to kick my ass so badly, not to worry about
being so SELFISH! To be as SELFISH as he wants to be! You tell him to
SPOIL himself! Splurge, go nuts! Because it looks like RVD needs a new
tag team partner. Oh! It's true. And the truth HURTS, doesn't it
Raven!?" Raven: "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh owwwwwwwwwwww ahhhhhhhhhhh (&c.)"

We check on Lita and Matt, who are both clutching injured body parts -
Chris the Trainer Dude is trying to check on Lita's knee but she's making
it difficult, what with all the moaning and all. He leaves her with an
ice pack on the knee as Raven limps in and complains about his ankle.
Steve Austin is close behind. "Raven! I came as fast as I could, what's
going on?" "Kurt Angle, that flag wavin' FREAK tried to break my ankle!"
"Why'd he attack you?" "'Cause, probably 'cause of the tag - to get the
message to you 'cause of the tag match." "I don't care about no stupid
message, why would he attack a member of the Alliance - what's he
thinking? Is he okay? Can he wrestle tonight?" "No, he cannot."
"What?" "He cannot wrestle tonight." "You said what?" "He cannot
wrestle tonight." "You can't wrestle tonight?" Hey, here comes Sean
Stasiak. "Mr. Austin, Mr. Austin! I just saw what happened - RVD needs a
partner - pick me, let me take his place, let me do it, come on!" "How
can you be so selfish, Stasiak? Look at this man! He's in pain! Angle
attacked him, and all you wanna do is think about yourself!" "Well
listen, I just wanna impress you, I think with what I have in store for
Kurt Angle, I think you're gonna be really impressed and then I wanna tag
up with RVD, 'cause we're the Alliance, we gotta stick together." "It
took you 43 takes last week to say a good thing about Stone Cold Steve
Austin, now you say 'I wanna team with RVD, I wanna impress you!' Can you
impress me, Stasiak?" "Absolutely!" "What?" "Yes!" "Then go out there
and do it! God...I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Are ya happy?"
"No!" "Are you happy?" "No!" "With your broke leg...what good are you
know? What good are you now to the Alliance? I got a busted arm, man -
and you come in with this Mickey Mouse foot injury? Do you know what this
SHUT UP - do you know what this means? It means that now, Stone Cold
Steve Austin has gotta go out there in place of YOU, because you couldn't
get nothin' done right - your stupid little leg. That just shows you what
this system is, doesn't it - you go down, BAM, outta the picture, you lost
your spot. Thank you. (pause) You really think it's broke?" "I don't
know man..." And Austin puts his fist RIGHT on the bone. Whoa! Raven
cries out in pain.

Meanwhile, Edge catches up with a can of Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi - eww,
what a WUSS! "Sweet soda Magee... ugh." No, he wasn't grunting at the
soda...rather, the sudden presence of one Hugh Morrus. "I shoulda known I
could find you next to a can of soda pop...EDGE. Shouldn't you be off
somewhere waiting for Grammy Edna to call? EDGE? Hey let me ask you a
question, one little question. What kinda fake name is Edge, and where do
I get one of those?" and he taps Edge's EDGE necklace. "Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, hold on a second there, HUGH MORRUS. You know what, I think I have
a better handle for you like...HUGH SUCK, or HUGH TOTALLYREEK. Better
yet, Hugh Shouldtrysomedeodorantonceinawhile. Pfff, I even have your
theme music... (sung to The Who) HUUUUUUGH are you - Hugh Hugh - Hugh
Hugh!" Christian enters the picture. "Hold on a second! Are you picking
on my brother, huh? Let me tell you seomthing. People have been picking
on my brother for his ridiculous name our whole lives, and I've been there
to stand up for him, but you know what? He's all grown up now, and he
doesn't need me to stand up for him anymore. Come to think of it...*I*
have the perfect name for you. Hugh
MustbecrazyifyouthinkyoucanbeatEdgefortheintercontinentalchampionshiptonight."
"So what you...(turns to Edge) so what you're saying is...I got a shot at
this title tonight?" "Yeah! Hugh Gotit!" "Yeah!" "Hehe - well I guess
I got what I came for. Enjoy the soda pop...EDGE." "That's what you get
for pickin' on my brother!" "What the hell are you talkin' about?"
"That's why we're the champ."

Your hosts are LARRY KING & IT'S ALL
ABOUT PAUL. Somehow we segue into...

Here's a Special Video Look at Test...from turning on the WWF, to saying
some things, to doing some things at SummerSlam

Shane McMahon and Test are WALKING!

Meanwhile, Bradshaw and Faarooq are WALKING! Test and Bradshaw go one on
one...NEXT!

The WWF Slam of the Week is brought to you by M&M's! From SummerSlam,
Shane tried to interfere in the WCW title match....but ended up suffering
a clothesline from Hell at the hands - err, ARM - of Bradshaw

TEST TEST THIS IS A TEST (with Shane
O. Mac) v. APA BRADSHAW (with APA
Faarooq) - Test tries to jump him, but Bradshaw
strikes first...gutshot,
elbow, elbow, into the ropes, reversed, head down, forearm to the back by
Bradshaw, chop, right, chop, right, DDT. Swinging neckbreaker. Elbow.
Going for the powerbomb - Shane is up on the apron, which distracts
Bradshaw just long enough for Test to reverse into a back body drop.
Test blocks a punch and hits Uncle Slam. Test stands over him - right,
right, right, right, right, right, right. Right, right, right.
Clearasil replay. Kick, into the opposite corner, running at him but
Bradshaw gets up the big boot. Off the ropes, Bradshaw ducks a
clothesline, but falls into a sidewalk slam. Test is going up - could be
the Savage elbow...but he MISSES! Both men up slowly - Bradshaw with a
headbutt. Into the ropes, back elbow. Into the corner, follow
lariat. Into the ropes again, big powerslam gets 2. Test comes back -
chop, right, into the corner, running for a splash but Bradshaw simply
catches him - and there's the fallaway slam. Shane back up on the apron,
drawing over referee "Blind" Charles Robinson first...then Bradshaw
shortly after. Shouldn't keep his back to his opponent - here comes Test,
but Bradshaw steps aside and Test collides with Shane! Schoolboy by
Bradshaw - 1, 2, NO! Into the corner is reversed, Bradshaw out of the way
- off the ropes, but Shane pulls on the top rope and Bradshaw sails
outside the ring. Shane with a field goal kick on Bradshaw - here comes
Faarooq and the chase is on...Test was crouched and laying in wait,
though, and explodes with a clothesline on Faarooq. Shane back over to
Bradshaw and starting to lightfoot it as we take another Clearasil
replay...but Bradshaw is back to his feet - Shane thinks better of this
and runs into the ring...Bradshaw follows - and eats the Wotsitolla Boot
from Test. That'll do ya - 1, 2, 3. (3:39) Heyman starts in with
"The
Alliance wishes to congratulate our newest member Test" and that makes me
wonder why he'd dis Ivory like that. Maybe he doesn't like women?

Back to the Room of Fun for another husband/wife discussion. "I can't
believe that Kurt Angle attacked Raven. Why would a man like - why would
a man like that stoop so low? He's got gold medals. That's BS." "The
nerve of some people." It's RVD at the door. "That was a beautiful job
you did on Raven back there, man, I'm serious. Everybody knew he had it
coming to him. But it did leave me without a partner...I'm figuring this
was your plan all along, right? So that you can team with Rob van Dam?
Well come on, that's brilliant - you and me, together? I know you're hurt
but I'm gonna take care of it - I'll cover for you, I'll take care of Kurt
and Jericho, RVD, whaddaya say? I mean, look - the hardcore champion.
It doesn't get any more hard--" "Easy." "Oh I'm sorry. What I say -
extreme is in, it doesn't get any more extreme than RVD. They call me the
King of Hardcore..." "OKAY OKAY okay, what you're saying is RVD and Stone
Cold versus Jericho and Kurt Angle." "We got it covered! I'll do all the
work!" Debra: "I think it's a great idea! I like it!" "It's a stupid
idea!" "No, it's a great one!" "It's a stupid idea!" "It's a great
one!" "It's a stupid idea!" "It's a great one!" "SHUT UP!" "Oh YOU
shut up!" "You shut up!" "Quit tellin' me to shut up." "Can I get back
to you on this?" "Sure!" "RVD, King of Hardcore - you know I was
hardcore way before the term 'hardcore' was ever invented! And you're
suggesting that you're gonna carry Stone Cold Steve Austin in a match?"
"Yeah, I got the whole thing covered." "Oh do ya." "RVD." "Eh eh eh eh.
I'll think about it. My damn arm is killin' me, RVD. I can't even pick
my arm up like that. Now get outta here! I'll think about it." "You
know where I'll be?" "Where." "I'll be out there." "What?" "I'll see
ya later." "That is a great idea!" "This guy...is killin' me....and
you're killin' me." "You're killin' me!" "I got a bad arm, women - you
understand me?" "*You* are killin' *me*." "What?"

NEXT: Rock
vs. Rhyno - WCW Championship - did I say next? Next!

WWF Excess ad - Tazz is Saturday's specil guest!

Backstage, Kurt Angle seeks milk - and doesn't find much...we pull
back to see Stasiak spying on him. There's a tap on his shoulder - it's
Stacy Keibler. She wants to know what he's doing - Stasiak says he has
the perfect plan to humiliate Kurt Angle...and impress Steve Austin.

WCW CHAMPIONSHIP: RHYNO THE MAN BEAST
(with Earlier Tonight) v. THE ROCK
(with RAW Credits) - you know, I didn't mention it
earlier but that WAS a
fairly impressive foldup job Rock did selling that gore. Rhyno meets Rock
in the aisle and let the fists fly...it's all Rock - head to the STEEL
steps, right, into the barricade is reversed - and Rhyno gets ANOTHER
spear on the Rock out on the floor. Stomp. Rhyno puts Rock in the
ring...and the bell sounds to start the match. Rhyno covers as the CC box
ominously floats in the upper right corner of the screen - 1, 2, Rock
kicks out. Rock pounds the back of the neck as the Clearasil Replay shows
the gore on the floor. Powerslam by Rhyno is rated TV-14-DLV - 1, 2,
nope. Rhyno brings Rock back to his feet - Rock breaks up the
clench...right, right, gutshot by Rhyno, off the ropes but Rock steps
aside and helps him over the top rope to the floor! Referee "Blind" Nick
Patrick considers the DQ but remembers that that rule isn't in effect
anymore. Rock attempts to get some wind back...Rhyno back in the ring,
Rock with a clothesline out of the corner. Right. Rhyno counters a whip
attempt by pulling him into a bearhug. Rock is feeling it. Crowd chants
"Rock E" - a testament to Rock's ability to sell a bearhug? Rock with a
right but Rhyno holds on - another right, right, and Rhyno unclasps his
hands. Right, right, Rhyno ducks the next swing and goes right back to
the bearhug. Rock is like Will to Power....fading away. Everybody to
their knees - Rock is just about out - it's a cover - 1, 2, Rock shoots up
the right shoulder. Rhyno back to the bearhug and both men back to their
knees - now both men back to their feet - Rhyno doubling his efforts on
Rock's ribs - Patrick steps in - arm falls once - arm falls twice -
arm...no! Rock shakes his head - right, right, right - Rhyno with a knee
to the midsection. Rhyno off the ropes - Rock manages a Samoan Drop!
Both men up at 2 - Rock is first with the right - into the corner,
however, is reversed - Rhyno with ANOTHER shoulder in the abdomen. Rhyno
hooks the leg...but Rock's other leg is underneath the bottom rope and
Patrick (surprisingly) won't make the count. Rhyno with a stomp.
Overhand punch to the back. Rhyno chokes Rock on the bottom rope.
Second rope springboard stomp - and there's a springboard knee. Leg is
hooked - 1, 2, Rock kicks out. Rock blocks the punch - might be coming
back. Right, right, right, Rhyno fires back with a knee in the ribs -
Rhyno with a suplex. Leg is hooked - 1, 2, Rock gets the shoulder up.
Right hand from Rhyno, right, right, right, into the ropes, reversed, Rock
catches Rhyno with a belly-to-belly "throw." Both men are down again -
Patrick is up to 4.... 5..... 6... 7.... Rock is stirring... 8... 9....
Rhyno up, Rock up right after him - Rock with
"Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, right, right, right,
right, right, right, right, into the ropes is reversed, but Rock hits the
flying clothesline. Duck, gutshot, DDT, 1, 2, Rhyno kicks out! Rock
pulling Rhyno, but Rhyno reverses into a short clothesline. Rock nips up!
Spinebuster for Rhyno! SHANE
O. MAC is out and in the ring, but out just
as quickly as Rock looks his way. Rock is distracted - Rhyno with the
uppernut. But here come the APA - the chase is on, over the barricade and
out through the crowd. We're back to one on one in the ring and again
both men are down. Patrick gets to 8 before both men are up - Rhyno wants
the gore but Rock steps aside and Rhyno runs into the turnbuckle - then
turns back into ROCK BOTTOM! 1, 2, 3! (7:42) Word on the street is
that
they managed to elevate both men in this match - and when you couple that
with their attempts to elevate the WCW Championship in the opening
segment, it's been a pretty good night as far as Rock-related happenings
have gone. I guess it ain't such a bad biz after all.

Back to Shawn and Stacy as we learn Stasiak's diabolical plan - since Kurt
Angle has made a pre-match tradition of having eight ounces of milk before
every match, and since he hasn't found that milk yet, he's here in the
catering area with the ol' "bucket on the door" trick prepared. Stasiak
says the bucket is filled with sour, rancid milk "with extra chunks."
All that's missing is the comical blueprint and box with the ACME label.
After Angle is blinded, he'll knock him out - then Austin will be so
impressed with him, he'll let him team with Rob van Dam. They hide behind
a conveniently placed screen as Angle approaches - oops, it wasn't Angle -
it was Debra. Yuks ensue as Stacy and Shawn escape undetected - and Debra
screams.

Moments Ago, See Previous Paragraph

During the Break, Shawn and Stacy ran away

Coming back, we're back in the Room of Fun, where Debra screams a lot to
her husband. "I cannot BELIEVE what happened to me! Look at me, Steve!
I can't believe somebody dumped all that - whatever that goulash was on
me. You'll have to GET them." "What is that smell?" "What do you think?
Try having this crap put on your head!" "Did anybody SEE you? You look
ridiculous." "Well - well, yeah, I feel ridiculous, and *you* bein' my
husband should've taken up for me, can you believe that happened to me?"
"You bein' my wife, I'd expect you to not to be - dress up a little better
than that." "Well you need to take up for me!" "I'm the World Champ!"
"Well I'm Debra!" "Why don't you go..." "And your wife!" "...go take a
shower!" "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" "You're blasting the hell outta me. No,
shut up." "I can't stand the way I smell." "This is all Kurt Angle's
fault!" "You're right." "I can't stand the way you smell either."
"This is Kurt Angle's fault." "Well it's his fault!" "Well you damn
right, if he's gonna mess with my prized possession (grabs title belt) if
he's gonna mess with my prized possession, and my wife, then I'm gonna hit
that sumbitch where it hurts the most. I'll get even for this." "Well
you do that--" "AHHHHHHHH - I'm goin' to!" Austin leaves Debra to scream
a bit more.

WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: KING
EDGE (with Christian - and the trophy) v. HUGH
MORRUS - champ enters
first, because....ummmm, I dunno. Maybe so Christian can join the
commentators? Morrus with a shove and the fists get flying on both sides
- Morrus with an open-handed slap, another, and a third. Edge firest back
- trading blows once again - Morrus puts Edge in the opposite corner, and
hits an avalanche. Stomp, stomp, overhand to the small of the back. Edge
put in the corner, Edge up and over, drop toehold, Oklahoma Roll (!),
2. Into the ropes is reversed, Edge slides under - double leg takedown,
rolls over for 2. Off the ropes, Edge falls into a powerslam and Morrus
gets 2. "Say my name!" Headbutt. "Say it!" Off the ropes, Morrus with
an elbowdrop for 2. Edge with a surprise inside cradle for 2. Morrus
with a clothesline. Again, Morrus makes Destiny's Child to Edge. Edge
pops back up, right, right, right, right, Morrus right, right, right,
setting up for the vertical suplex - and there it is. LISTEN TO THIS
CROWD! "Say it!" Scoop...and a slam. Morrus going up top - going for
the Never Lands Much Anymore Savage elbow - which misses, of course. Both
men are down - referee "Blind" Teddy Long puts on the count. Both men up
at 4. Morrus right, Edge right, Morrus, into the ropes is reversed into a
side Russian legsweep. Edge with a clothesline - Edge with a Viscera
kick. Right hand, right, Morrus blocks the next one, but Edge ducks
Morrus' swing and hits Edge-o-matic...for 2. At least with Christian
there, you know it'll be called correctly! Morrus manages a pancake, and
starts a climb up top. Suddenly, Christian says "What? What's goin'
on? Why's he badmouthing me? I'm just sitting here minding my own
business and he starts jawing at me - he's jawing at me!" Neither
commentator heard anything, but Christian has his headset down and climbs
the apron...just as Edge has recovered enough to get underneath Morrus,
but before he can hit the electric chair, Christian pulls Morrus into a
hot shot from Edge's shoulders. Edge hits a gutshot and Buzzkill while
Long chats with Edge - finally Long turns back around to see Edge making
the cover...but declines to count, ringing the bell instead and calling
for a disqualification. (DQ
4:23) Edge is a little unhappy at this turn
of events, even with Christian announcing to the crowd that "still the
intercontinental champion...my brother Edge!" Edge pulls the belt from
his hand and makes the annoyed face.

At the oilcans 'n' cyclone fence set, Booker T is pacing about while
Michael Cole...checks out his goodies? EEK!

Tazz shills Stacker 2

The Dudley Boyz eat Chef Boyardee Big Beefaroni

WOW! It's the outside of the Van Andel Arena! Would you look at that!

Michael King Cole stands with Booker T, who interrupts after hearing Cole
say he "lost" the title eight days ago. "What? The hell are you talking
about, sucka? Lost the title? If anybody saw that, the Rock STOLE
something from me, and that's the damn deal, sucka!" Cole calls up
footage from last week's RAW of Rock with Booker Wee. "That ain't right,
man, that ain't right. There wasn't nothin' right about that....and you
know it." Cole says T might not like this clip either - an interview
conducted earlier tonight with the Big Show. "What the hell you talkin'
about?"

Earlier Tonight, JONATHAN
COACHMAN
caught up with Big Show - attired in
black glove and nappy 'do and affecting an...odd accent. "Wait a minute,
SUCKA. You didn't just say that. Tell me you didn't just say that.
Huh? Do you know who I am - SUCKA? I'm not a former WCW Champion...I'm a
five TIME WCW Champion! I'm the Bookerman, and you gots to know, sucka!
That I'm gonna raise the roof on this hizzouse, sucka! Now can U dig it,
sucka! You gonna see - the spinaroonie, sucka! The spinaroonie's comin',
sucka! The spinaroonie's comin'!"

Back to Cole and T - "Your thoughts?" "They're having a great laugh at
the expense o' Booker T. That don't even deserve a comment!
Dissin' the five-time WCW Champion like that. When suckas do
that...somebody...GOTS ta...get hurt." T fumes...and moves away.

Meanwhile, Jericho tapes up - and gets an unscheduled visit from Newman -
I mean, Stephanie. "Hello, Jericho." "Hello Thtefphneee" "I've been
looking all over for you." "Really?" "I just couldn't wait because I've
got some very important news to tell you." "Really, what's that." "Yes.
Well, you see, whether or not Austin accepts your and Kurt's little
challenge for tonight..." "Little challenge?" "Mmm hmm." "Yeah."
"It's irrelevant." "Mmmm hmm, why's that?" "Because Y2J is so
yesterday's news. Y2J is like - five minutes ago. Y2J is O-U-T." "Oh,
that's - that's a good one, Steph, I get it. Out." "Yeah." "Yeah,
clever." "Clever." "So are you - believe me." "Well there are three
initials now that are ALL the rage." "I suppose you're gonna tell me what
they are." "RVD." "Well, I'm glad you feel so strongly about that, I'm
glad you're so impressed, Stephanie, I mean after all you guys make a
tremendous duo...RVD and H-O-E. H...O...E!" Off he walks. "That's not
even how you SPELL it." These guys are starting to remind me of Howie
Long and Teri Hatcher for some reason.

Or maybe Verne Troyer and Michael Jordan - both of these guys could
completely disappear and I wouldn't miss 'em AT ALL - well, okay, maybe
I'm being too harsh on Troyer.

RAW Magazine ad

NAPPY T. (with RAW is WAR is brought to
you by Castrol Motor Oily, the JVC
Giga-Tube, and Hot Bites) v. WELL IT'S THE NAPPY
SHOW - Judging by his
absence from T's side, Shane McMahone must be still fleeing the APA.
Boy, it sure looks to ME like Show's dropped a pile o' weight. Show wants
T to hold on - he wants to perform a spinaroonie first - T decides to
pounce on him in mid spin - pounding away while Show's on his back - off
goes the wig - Show back to his feet but T continuing the attack - into
the ropes - nope, Show doesn't budge - T ducks a clothesline - T tries a
Harlem sidekick, but Show catches the leg and slams him down. Well it's a
big clothesline. Head to the buckle - knee - knee - headbutt - into the
opposite corner... T escapes the splash. Flying forearm smash by T.
Harlem sidekick connects, and takes Show off his feet! T in the mount -
right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Going for a DDT - but
Show just shoves T into the corner. Open-handed slap. Another. Show
pulling T out - going for the powerbomb...but T rakes the face and slips
out of the attempt! Heyman starts rattling off a bunch of names ("Did
Terry Funk ever hold the WCW title five times? No! Did Jack Brisco hold
the WCW title five times? No! Did Dusty Rhodes hold the WCW title five
times? No!") and AGAIN, Jeff Jarrett is RIGHT THERE but nobody's gonna
say his name. I sure do miss that ol' blinking hat. Gutshot by T - off
the ropes, axe kick finds the mark. T looks at his hand, drops to one
knee, starts shaking his head...and breakdances back up! Show is up
shortly thereafter - HE'S got him in the choke! T grabs the shirt of
referee "Blind" Jimmy Korderas and spins him around - and while his back
is turned, kicks Show right in .... the Big Show (which is in his pants).
T wants the whip - but Show grabs him in the CHOKE again - T grabs the
middle rope - Show shoves him outside with a kick. Show out after him -
running knee...only finds the STEEL steps. T grabs timekeeper
MARK
YEATON's chair - WHACK to the knee! Say, you
can't get away with that
around here. (Non-relaxed DQ
2:28) WHACK to the head! Point of the chair
in the kidneys! Head to the steps! Again! And one more time! T pounds
away on the back of Show's head. He's got the chair again...WHACK! T
still looks pretty unhappy. Replay of some of the better chairshots.

CHRIS
MONDAY JERICHO(with Clearasil presents Unforgiven!) and KURT
ANGLE v. ROB VAN DAM (with Let Us Take You
Back to SmackDown!) and AD
BREAK - it was strange seeing all that ECW footage
in van Dam's entrace
video during Excess, wasn't it? I guess they bought some Pioneer DVDs or
something. Before we find out whether or not Austin will be competing
tonight...we take an ad break.

CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO & KURT ANGLE v.
ROB VAN DAM & ? - When we come back, the sound of
breaking glass heralds the arrival of STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - but
he's still got the sling on, not dressed to wrestle...and there's a mic in
his back pocket. "Allow me to introduce RVD's tag team partner for the
night...I give you TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ."
It's a Pier Four Brawl - Angle paired with van Dam on the inside, Jericho
and Tazz on the outside, and Austin overseeing all of it. Tazz and
Jericho look to be done on the outside now - let's look inside, where
Angle is repeatedly landing on van Dam without retaliation - whip into the
opposite corner, reversal, but Angle pops out with a clothesline. Tazz
in, HE gets a right. Angle turns back to eat a kick from van Dam - van
Dam poses, then tags out. Angle breaks it up, right, right, right, into
the ropes, reversed, Angle ducks, Angle with a crossbody for 1. Front
face, tag to Jericho, open shot. Jericho with a chop, chop, chop, into
the ropes, back elbow. Snap suplex...holding on for a second...still
holding the facelock and that's three - 1, 2, Tazz out. Tazz rakes the
face - tag to van Dam - open kick. Right, kick to the head, stomp, stomp,
right, kick, elbow, into the ropes, but Jericho hits a shoulderblock.
van Dam nips up, leapfrog over Jericho as he runs the ropes, van Dam goes
back to back up and over, to the ropes but Jericho shrugs him off -
Jericho ducks a clothesline and hits a flying jalapeno. Jericho with -
wow, the Stroke! Jeff Jarrett, Jeff Jarrett, Jeff Jarrett! Tazz breaks
up the pinfall attempt. Jericho chases off Tazz (or eats a knee, I'm not
sure) - back to van Dam - chop, chop, into the ropes, Viscera kick, leg is
hooked, van Dam kicks out at 2. Jericho puts van Dam on the top
turnbuckle - right, right, climbing after him - van Dam tries to punch out
- but Jericho hits the SUPERPLEX! Jericho covers - 1, 2, Tazz in with a
stomp just to make sure it doesn't happen. Jericho slaps the back of van
Dam's head - heh - into the ropes, reversed, head down and Jericho kicks
away. Jericho off the ropes but van Dam dumps him onto the apron -
Jericho ducks, puts a shoulder through the ropes into van Dam, gives Tazz
an elbow - van Dam ankles him underneath the ropes, and then hits the
slingshot guillotine to the floor. Austin applauds. van Dam with a
running elbow. Back in - stomp, stomp, tag to Tazz. Open kick. Jericho
put in the corner - kick, kick, into the opposite corner, boot up by
Jericho. Jericho runs at Tazz - but gets caught in a head-and-arm
Tazzplex. Tazz has him by the hair - then shoves his face into the mat.
Tazz stands over him and pulls up his head - "this is for you, Stone
Cold!" - forearm across the head - "for you, baby!" - again. Tag to van
Dam - superkick - backflip splash - 1, 2, Jericho kicks out. van Dam hits
the chinlock and puts a knee in the back. Sign in crowd: "WHERE IS
GOLDBERG" Angle is chomping at the bit for a tag - Jericho finally fights
back to his feet - elbow breaks up the hold, forearm, chop, whip is
reversed, but Jericho catches the knee and rolls up van Dam for 2.
Forearm - into the ropes, dropkick...but nobody's home as van Dam hooks
the rope. van Dam off the ropes, forward roll into the somersault senton.
1, 2, Jericho kicks out! Why isn't Angle ever saving him? van Dam
with a stomp. Forearm, forearm, head to the buckle, tag out. Tazz chokes
Jericho on the second rope, asking him to look at Stone Cold, while Austin
shows Jericho his WWF Championship belt. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner
pulls Tazz off of Jericho - Tazz pulls him out for a T-bone Tazzplex - 1,
2, no. Jericho put into the ropes - head down - Jericho with a DDT!
Both men are down - can Jericho *finally* make that tag? The crowd's
volume level rises as Jericho getes closer - tag to van Dam...who pulls
Jericho away from his corner! Full rotation on the legdrop (which I guess
makes it hurt more - I guess) - 1, 2, nope. Back to the chinlock as we
take a Clearasil replay (because that move looked SO devastating - I mean,
a FULL twist!) Jericho back to his vertical base - van Dam with a gutshot
- right hand - shoulder in the gut - superfluous backflip - running in but
Jericho jumps over him, then manages the body scissors rollup - 1, 2,
kickout! van Dam comes back with a massive heel kick - split-legged
moonsault, but Jericho gets the knees up! Man, it's been like eight and a
half minutes for Jericho - EVERYBODY'S ready for Angle to get that tag.
Clearasil Replay while we wait for van Dam and Jericho to crawl...tag to
Tazz...HOT TAG TO ANGLE!! Clothesline! Clothesline! Off the ropes,
clothesline! van Dam shoved off the apron! Belly-to-belly overhead
suplex for Tazz! 1, 2, van Dam dropkicks Angle's head. Jericho over to
van Dam with a forearm - Hebner working to put Jericho away now...behind
his back, van Dam hits the Fivestar frog splash on Angle - Jericho over to
clothesline van Dam AND himself out of the ring! Tazz finally staggers
over to Angle and hooks the leg - 1, 2, Angle kicks out!! van Dam and
Jericho trading blows on the outside - van Dam tried a moonsault off the
barricade - but MISSED! Jericho grabs the legs - Walls of Jericho on the
floor! But Austin runs over and BARRELS over Jericho with a (good arm)
clothesline to the back of the head - then (both arms) runs him headfirst
into the post. Back in the ring, Tazz has Angle in the waistlock - but
Angle drops down with a leg lace, then applies the anklelock! Austin up
to the apron with his title belt - Angle pops him off! TAZZMISSION!!
But Angle gets under Tazz - OLYMPIC SLAM! Leg is hooked - 1, 2, 3!!
(11:38)
Angle's celebration is cut short, however, as Austin sails in and decks
Angle in the back of the head with the WWF title belt! WHACK! WHACK!
Austin's out of the sling, now - and out of the ring...unfortunately, the
cameraman trips so we don't see whatever it is Austin picks up at
ringside. Back in the ring...ah, Austin has Angle's gold medals. HE PUTS
THEM ON! Austin picks Angle back up - a FOURTH shot to the head with the
WWF title belt. Austin takes the medals AND his title and walks off as
his music plays....then stops at the top of the ramp to look back at
Angle. That's our final shot - War Zone credits, WWF logo, and Star Trek:
The Motion Picture is NEXT!

I head out to Minneapolis on Thursday...a strictly offline vacation, so
don't look for SmackDown! and next week's RAW until sometime next
Wednesday or so. Thanks!