14 years old again!

I was talking with one of my gay friends (coincidentally a Lutheran Preacher) who told me that now that I've come out, I'm going to be 14 years old again.

I think that's true. I went on my first REAL gay date, the other night, and all I wanted by the end of the evening is to grope and be groped. (Well, let's be honest - I wanted to get into his pants!)

Have any of you who came out late in life, (especially those of you who were formerly married to a woman) experienced this phenomenon? Please share your experiences and the consequences so that I can prepare myself better.

i haven't experienced that, but congrats on coming out! i'm sure you will be a much happier and healthier human being... and you won't have to troll around bathrooms looking for anonymous sex and then lying about it like SOME senators i know. :)

but yeah. anyway. when i was 14 i was the worst lover on the planet. everything was very awkward -- hopefully things go a little smoother for you.

Sorry, but I did NOT troll around. I didn't do anything, which makes me concerned about now, as in will I go wild, like a freshman his first year out of the house under mommy and daddy's influence (and thumb)?

I discovered I was gay when I was in the Army and in my late 20's. Maybe not the best environment for that experience. I didn't come out until about 4 years later when I was at school in Boston.

Yes, there was a period where I felt the need to nail anything that moved on three legs. Thankfully, for me, that period was over fairly quickly; maybe because I have always had very conservative views about sex and propriety anyway.

But, yeah - I think I sort of felt like I had to make up for all the lost time and opportunities that I had let pass by. I was in counseling at the time, and it was one of the things we discussed. I quickly found it to be unsatisfying and even had a little self loathing in the aftermath.

We all learn, change, grow. All of us at different stages and speeds. Life is in the journey.

Hah... well the guy I like was recently outed to his family and well. I am out to mine they just don't want to see anything "gay" I guess which I can understand and its okay with me since Im happier for having told them. I think now he's more comfortable in his own skin and maybe a little more intrested in me since I was always understanding to him and his "secret". Lets see where things to now. =) 16 na... i feel about 21 right now just not fixated on the drinking. I feel like the young at heart happy go-lucky str-edger I used to be. Now if I can just get him to stop smoking.. totally busted him on our date the other day.

This is why I won't date a guy who has just recently come outit's very hard for them to have a serious relationshipthey're like a kid in a candystoreand who can blame them... they need to have that freedom and sexual experimentation they have denied themselves for so long

hey sundown.... i was married to a woman at 25 after years of not knowing what to do, either way. I had one gay experience at 18 and went back into the closet for fear of being found out. I separated from my wife at the age of 28, and it was like rollercoaster ride from there on. I found the lack of experience in the gay culture got me into serious relationships way earlier than I expected, ending in disaster because I still needed to explore my new found identity. After some years getting used to who I am, i'm in a great relationship now for the best part of 2 years. so I suppose what i'm saying is go with the 14 yo feeling inside yourself, but settle down only when that 14 yo grows up a bit! Dan

I came out when I was 23, and yes I would agree with you in a lot of ways your starting your dating life.. and for most straight people that starts at 14ish a comment about the driving ya so 16 you can drive but really its like starting over but just don’t forget the lessons you learned from being young and your first dating experience.. for me.. I pretty much didn’t date. Avoided it like the plague and there for some fun social times I now regret however its never too late to do that and have some fun.. just remember… and this is important.. although you started your dating life later in life you still have a life.. I know a lot of guys that have lost themselves to the whole coming out process, their one person one day and a totally different person the next. You have always been the same person your just sharing more of yourself with others now. Only caution I’d give remember to return to your true age at some point haha.

I found myself single, last year, for the first time since 1993!I often tell people I'm 18, even if they are oblivious to my personal life, just for kicks. Relationships with gay men, despite being 'married' to one for so long, are still quite a novelty for me, too.

I've been single for close to a year-and-a-half now and I'm very wary of falling for a guy and getting off course again -- The first, and last (!), date with a bloke lasted twelve years! I have much that I want to accomplish in the next few years and I intend to thoroughly enjoy the single life until I'm ready to settle down again.

Btw, the 'ex' and I were introduced to each other my a mutual acquaintance in a legenderay nightclub that went by the charming name of K.O.X.. We were both completely non-chalant and barely even looked at each other. Later, the mutual acquaintance invited me to an afterhours houseparty a short cab ride away and whose house did we tumble into? That's right, the guy that ignored me for three hours down the club. He poured drinks while I looked at my watch and calculated the minutes until the métro opened again -- upstairs, the only other two "guests" seemed to be tearing the bedroom apart. At daylight, relieved to be going, the nervous host suddenly began chattering non-stop while standing at the threshold. Finally he sputtered out a dinner invitation for later that evening and the rest is history. Stupid cupid!

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, Sundown. I know many men who were married and quite a few who have children. Most of them came out later in life (30s to 40s) and had to deal with learning how to date men while trying to maintain a positive relationship with an ex-wife and/or their kids.

The hard part about coming out later in life, and not having dated men, is that it's easier to get hurt by guys who come across as genuine but who really mess with your head. If you aren't looking for a relationship and just want to experience dating, then you'll hopefully have a good time and learn a lot. If you are looking to find an eventual partner, then I suggest keeping your dates to "safe" locations like coffee shops, movies, etc. where you aren't as tempted to sleep together on the first date. But that's just my preference - I've ruined many a potential relationship by letting my hormones get the better of me.

I feel 14 right now, too. I met a great guy and we've gone on two dates and have been out with friends as a group twice. He's coming over tonight for a date and I'm very excited. I haven't felt like this for a long time. I have absolutely no insecurities around him. We've only kissed once and it was great - I can't stop thinking about it. I've met so many guys in NY who just want to have sex and pretend they've never met you afterwards that it's refreshing to meet someone who actually took the time to get to know me. And I wasn't even interested in him to begin with. Okay, I've totally gone off topic now but I wish you the best of luck and most of all - remember to have fun!!!

sundown congratulations in your coming out! you have a new life ahead of you now.

I would say it is kind of true what your friend told you...there is a whole new set of rules to be learned. I still wondering if it is easier to date women or gay guys...I know the answer but I don't want to get in an argument here...he he he

Hah! what a coincidence. I came out at 14 years old. I guess it must just be good timing. Of course i didn't actually have sex until i was 16. And dating didn't really start happening until a month before i turned 18. Like i always say age is just a number but yeah since adolescence wasn't that long ago for me you really do want to pounce on anything that walks on 3 legs.

I've sort of accepted a concept of a "gay age". Take your age, subtract the age you came out, and then add 15. That's your gay age.

I'm 37, but my gay age is 30. Sexually and socially, I feel more my gay age than my actual age.

The premise here is as was stated earlier...that you replay certain aspects of your adolescence when you come out. It's not perfect...not every kid's sexual awakening happens at 15, but this idea seems to describe the age that gay guys feel they are better than the age they really are.

Wow, according to RuggerATX's formula, I'm only 17... That's a bit of a jolt to the system for for a 32 year old!

Anyway... Sundown55, by now, a substantial amount of time has passed since you first posted this, and this "second puberty" is not nearly as novel as it was when you first posted your question. Even so, I hope that the feedback you've gotten here has been helpful to some degree. I can't think of anything particularly new to add beyond telling you that I've been there before, and it's normal. The only thing I would add is something along the lines of: "It may feel like beeing a teenager again, but don't forget to do the 'grown-up thing' and use the head on your shoulders too."