Stay neutral in rivalry

Amy Dickinson Ask Amy

Dear Amy: I come from a family of four children. I am the only male and am a middle child. My three sisters are great; unfortunately, they are all extremely jealous of one another.

I thought that this was only a phase, but we are all in our 20s now and it doesn't seem to be letting up.

My oldest sister recently announced her engagement, and my other two sisters were envious and jealous.

Will this ever stop, and is there anything I can do? - Middleman

Dear Middleman: These unhealthy patterns often first take shape in childhood; if you think back, you might be able to identify things that your parents did to bring this on - or perhaps they didn't stop this behavior when they should have.

Now you can assume some leadership. If your sisters involve you in their sniping or ask you to choose sides, refuse. Use your neutrality to tell each of them that you are disappointed with their attitude.

Remind them that jealousy is insidious and very unattractive. A number of books explore sibling rivalry. You might suggest that your sisters read Why Can't We Get Along?: Healing Adult Sibling Relationships, by Peter Goldenthal (2002, Wiley).

Dear Amy: You answered a letter from a "naturist" in you column and made some disparaging comments about gardening in the buff.

Actually, Amy, nude gardening is an extremely enjoyable exercise, something my wife and I have been doing for more than 50 years.

There is a formal "World Naked Gardening Day" each year in the first part of May.

Our garden is beautiful. - A Happy Gardener, Richmond, Calif.

Dear Gardener: Responding to this letter, I made a comment about nude gardening and hedge trimmers. Based on the responses to this letter, however, many people enjoy nude gardening.