Jeff Sessions Won’t Recuse Himself From Cohen Probe Because If He Does That, How Will He Feed Trump All The Juicy Details?

Embattled Attorney General (and racist lawn gnome) Jeff Sessions isn’t going to recuse himself from the Michael Cohen investigation, because after all, it’s not like there are any conflicts of interest there, right?

Right. I mean other than the fact that it’s Donald Trump’s lawyer who is being investigated and other than the fact that Rod Rosenstein’s decision to approve the raid on Cohen came on a tip from Robert Mueller, whose investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election Sessions did recuse himself from because you know, he’s (basically) implicated.

Sources say the scheming leprechaun will think about not involving himself directly in matters arising from the Cohen investigation that are directly related to the special counsel probe, which is nice of him, considering he’s fucking recused from it and all.

By staying involved in the Cohen probe, Sessions is entitled to briefings on the status of the investigation, which is being conducted by the U.S. Attorney’s Office of the Southern District of New York. That could put Sessions in the position of being asked by Trump, who strongly condemned the FBI raid on his longtime lawyer, to divulge information about the Cohen investigation.

Great. Now think back to the evening Cohen’s offices, home and hotel room were raided earlier this month. If you recall, Trump essentially blamed Sessions, reiterating that he thought Jeff had “made a terrible mistake” by recusing himself.

You’re also reminded that Trump was reportedly considering firing Sessions (along with Rosenstein) following the raids. And that wouldn’t be the first time the President has considered getting rid of his AG. One has to think that if Sessions had recused himself from the Cohen probe, Trump would have just fired him immediately.

Over the weekend, in one of what seemed like dozens of absurd tweets, Trump attempted to dispel “rumors” that he privately refers to Sessions as “Mr. Magoo” and to Rosenstein as “Mr. Peepers.”

The Washington Post said I refer to Jeff Sessions as “Mr. Magoo” and Rod Rosenstein as “Mr. Peepers.” This is “according to people with whom the president has spoken.” There are no such people and don’t know these characters…just more Fake & Disgusting News to create ill will!

Given all of that, it is clearly ridiculous to believe that Sessions is going to be any semblance of impartial in the Cohen investigation, especially considering how worried Trump supposedly is about what his long-time personal attorney might or might not say under duress.

And while all of that sounds hopelessly conflicted, don’t worry because you can count on Sessions to police himself. Here’s what the DoJ said in a statement:

The attorney general considers his potential recusal on a matter-by-matter basis as may be needed. To the extent a matter comes to the attention of his office that may warrant consideration of recusal, the attorney general would review the issue and consult with the appropriate Department ethics experts.

Writing about a subject is the best
way to educate yourself about it, and when I flick through past work I remember how much
they taught me, if no one else. Mainly they taught me that I didn’t know very much. But they
also taught me that most other people didn’t know much either. Thus, some key themes
which stand out include the illusory control of policy makers, the presumed knowledge of
those looking to them to actively do good, the ease with which we fool ourselves, and how
best to protect capital in the face of such unavoidable uncertainty. -- Dylan Grice