Sean Gonsalves: Where's the beef?

I get lots of tips and suggestions in this job, which I invite. It's the coin of the trade. But over the past month or so, the same tip keeps popping up.

I get lots of tips and suggestions in this job, which I invite. It's the coin of the trade. But over the past month or so, the same tip keeps popping up. "Sean, have you seen that Obama Burger that Zoe's in the Mashpee Commons has on their daily special board? " You should write about that!"

Being a free speech guy, I pretty much shrugged it off. I mean, I saw a young black dude on Main Street in Hyannis this summer, holding up one of those absurd posters where President Obama is sportin' a Hitler mustache. What's the big deal? Everyone knows we live in wacky world.

(By the way, they're getting clever — these "colorblind" activists. Let's get a black guy to hold a sign that implies Obama is the postmodern archetype of ethnic evil. And let's see if the namby-pamby liberals call us racist then. Clever).

Anyway, I finally rolled up to Zoe's yesterday to see what all the hullabaloo was about for myself. And lo and behold, there it was on the daily special board: "Obama Burger. Two buns topped with government cheese and promises. $46.99. If you cannot afford an Obama Burger others will work hard to provide one for you."

Of course, I wanted to ask the owner, Tom Poole, about his politics.

"I'm not a fan of the economy. So I guess I'm not a fan of (Obama). He's certainly not helping," Poole told me, candidly.

For the record, Poole is a nice guy who serves up good food.

"I'm a registered independent. I would say I'm a social liberal but a fiscal conservative, who tends to slide toward the conservative side. But I don't agree with the Republicans' social agenda," he said. "So I don't know where I fit. It seems like the two parties are filled with extremists and it's a problem."

Poole said he's heard lots of compliments about the sign, though he hasn't sold an Obama Burger yet. And, he acknowledges, there's been several complaints. Several? I've heard more than several.

But, there you have it. And you know what? I think Poole is onto something. Political burgers! People love the taste of partisan politics in their food, don't they?

So I've got a few suggestions for the menu. What about the WMD Bush-Cheney Sandwich? Two buns with nothing in between, just like Iraq's nonexistent "mushroom cloud" falafel? It only costs a trillion dollars or so. But what's a trillion dollars, to say nothing of the hundreds of thousands of lives lost, as long as Obama's not in office, right?

I asked Poole about that. "I'm not a Bush fan and I'm not a war fan either, but I think Obama has spent more than Bush," he said.

Of course, that's not true but who cares about facts these days? It's all about belief and perception. Everything else is supposed to be rejected, out of hand, because you simply can't trust anyone who doesn't agree with you.

And who says you have to focus on politicians alone? How about political-issue burgers? The Wall Street Burger. It has all the works and it's free, except for a small $29.99 "user-fee" that is conveniently withdrawn from your 401(k) at the end of each month.

OK, your turn. Wait. Let me guess: the Deval Patrick Cadillac Burger, right? It's only a dollar but the meals tax pushes the price up to $30, and you have to eat in front of a wind turbine. Har-har. That's a good one.

Say what you want about Zoe's, all you PC punks. They have every right to sneer at the president. Poole can do whatever he wants with his menu.

But doesn't it kind of undercut the whole GOP talking point — about how businesses are suffering under the "uncertainties" caused by Obama's "Islamo-fascist socialist" policies — when you can afford to drive customers away just to make a political point?

I asked Poole about that, too. "Well, business isn't bad. But it's also not great."

Fair enough. Still, I pine for the good ol' days — back when general stores had signs in their windows, like the one philosopher John Dewey's father had, displaying real wit: "Ham and cigars. Smoked and unsmoked."

One of the things I used to love about businesses that serve the public is how they kept their politics to themselves, like a politically diverse family at Thanksgiving. But apparently those days are gone and I'm just a sentimentalist at heart. I need some Pepto-Bismol.