(Closed) You can bring your kids… but not into the ceremony

Just wanted to see what the Bee thought of this request on a wedding website of a friend of mine. We went to college together in North Dakota, her wedding is here, and her family will be traveling from the East Coast for the wedding this summer.

“We understand that most of our guests will be traveling from afar, and we want everyone to enjoy the entire Wedding Weekend. Guests of all ages are invited to the Friday BBQ, the Saturday evening cocktail hour and dinner reception and the Sunday brunch and lawn games. However, we ask that any children under the age of 7 are not brought to the ceremony on Saturday afternoon. We will have 4 baby sitters set up on the property for all children under 7 to go to while the adult and older guests are at the ceremony. There will be toys, videos, and other things for your children to enjoy, and the service will be under 20 minutes long. We are very sad for anyone who feels their children will not be able to be apart from their parents for that long, but there will be no exceptions made.”

I personally think it’s fine (I don’t have kids), and I see why she does not want kids of that age at her ceremony. I think they’re being super accomendating by having a baby sitter and the rest of the weekend. I think having all those baby sitters is amazing for her to do. They’re being married at some sort of camp/beach set up in Minnesota, so it’s an entire getaway for familes.

@cirk: I am SO with her on that. I have sat through far too many services in my time where kids were literally SHRIEKING, and the parents just would never leave. It comes across as “Well, I want to sit here, and that is more important thant everyone else being able to hear or focus on what’s happening.” Since you can’t really always trust parents to take their kids out if they start being disruptive, I think for events where you want to make sure no kids are making noise, going about it this way is a good (and very accomodating) way to go.

The bride and groom are certainly going out of their way to provide childcare, My only criticism is that 7 is a very old cutoff point for a 20 minute ceremony. 4, 5 and 6 year olds have no trouble sitting quiet for 20 minutes. We often hear how it’s the ideal age for a flower girl. Girls that age often love weddings too. I speak from experience because one of my daughters went to two family weddings at that age (4 / 5). Yes there are often kids making noise at a wedding (or at church in general) but that’s pretty well always kids under 4. But in defence of Cirk’s friends, sometimes the cutoff is chosen strategically. i.e. they know there is a misbehaving 6 year old in the family, so they set the cutoff at 7.

I actually don’t think 7 is too old… sure, most kids 5, 6 and 7 CAN sit down for that long, but on the other hand.. some can’t.

My 5 year old niece cannot sit still or shut her cute yapper for longer than 3 minutes. But, her parents never discipline her at ALL [they believe in time-out], and she always gets away with everything, so she’s a total bratt.

It’s very accomodating, above and beyond what is expected. However, depending upon the physical layout and barriers present, I may or may not leave a young child with a sitter I didn’t know. I worry a bit about the water hazard associated with the word “beach”. Without any judgement or animosity towards the couple (who have every right to an uninterrupted ceremony), I’d most likely send my husband to the ceremony and stay behind to watch my own young child.

Uh, that sounds totally like an amazing way to allow people with kids ton come but not having screaming kids in your wedding video forever. If parents can’t be away for 20 minutes that is a whole nee definition of helicopter parent.

@cirk: First of all, her Wedding Weekend sounds super fun. And secondly, this is a really great solution. I’m currently pregnant and I have promised myself that I won’t be one of those mothers who insists on bringing her baby to everything and can’t be apart from it for any amount of time. I’d be fine to leave my child for 20 minutes with some babysitters and I think it’s only polite for things like a wedding.

I was at a wedding a week or so ago in a church and a baby started to cry. Because of the acoustics it was really loud, and the mum didn’t even take her child outside. Eventually the groom’s mother had to ask her to leave the ceremony until the baby had quietened down. Ugh, why do people think it’s okay to let their screaming baby ruin somebody’s ceremony?

I think that as long as there’s time to let the parents get to know the babysitters a little, and see that their kids will be in capable hands, everything will be fine. It’s ridiculous not to be able to leave your child for a 20 minute ceremony.

I don’t have children, but I think I would be ok with something like if I checked where my children would be for the 20 minutes. Let’s say, near the pool or the beach, was a no no, since I would be afraid of not knowing the sitters, if was inside a house, in a living room or something like that, I think it wouldn’t a problem.

In th other hand I know mothers that wouldn’t alow it because their children are was to devilsh to be let with a someone that doesn’t know them. My nephew, for instance, two years old, and maan that spoiled kid can vanish in a second, when I’m taking care of him! You think he is hiding behind something for fun, and nop… he’s on his way outside, caring nothing.

Great idea! I always cringe when I hear screaming children at a ceremony, and providing a babysitter is a good solution. The bride and groom get their child-free ceremony and the kids are taken care of and can still take part in the reception. Hopefully the guests will appreciate it too.

On one hand it is a great idea… and very accommodating of the Bride to provide babysitting etc.

And as someone who doesn’t like distractions during a Wedding Ceremony I GET IT

Especially so in this day and age where “modern” Parents don’t seem to be so keen as to know the limitations of their kiddies… or have the decency to make a quick exit if the situation warrants it

(Which is exactly WHY these Wedding Invites are now coming out specifically saying NO KIDS)

That said…

On the other hand…

“Technically” she doesn’t have the right to exclude folks from being at her Church Ceremony… in that a church is a place of worship and a “public” venue. And their primary focus truly is to be welcoming to all.

(Which is WHY in many places you’ll hear about the Bride who was surprised to see non-invited folks / locals / parishoners sitting in the back pews as she made her exit after the Ceremony)

One rents the church for the timeframe… but doesn’t own it, or dictate how it operates.

I’m guessing that if push came to shove… and someone really made an issue of this… the church would tell her to “shove off” and go find another venue

There’s nothing wrong with their request. if I had a young child I’d be happy to take advantage of the babysitting service for 20mins!! They don’t want screaming kids interrupting their marriage ceremony. Understandable And acceptable. kudos to these people For going about it tactfully.