When we relate to each other without vulnerability we are still relating to each other the way we have related with the world. The world where we go on the offensive or defensive, in order to meet our needs....

-and in this world we have learned all sorts of power tactics to effectively get our needs met, all sorts of ways of using control and power over the other.

When you decide to finally relate to someone you love with vulnerability, you decide to show them that you can be hurt, that you hurt.

You put down the gloves with which you have been fighting your whole life, the ones you used to survive, the ones you put on when you were a child learning to cope as well as you could the world, learning how to demand, manipulate, fight, push away and kill to get your needs met.

You decide that power is no longer more important than staying connected to the other. You learn that keeping the other at a distance, making them your punching bag, threatening and using them when they don't show up the way you need is no longer the way you will be heard and be seen by your beloved.

Vulnerability says I am no longer at war with you. I will no longer punish you, or treat you as an enemy....no matter how intense it gets. When I feel pain, triggered by you, I will allow you to see that I am vulnerable.

When my heart feels rejected by you, I will not reject you back. I will let you see it feels rejected. When my heart feels betrayed and unloved by you, I will not betray you in return, or pretend I don't love you...I will let you see the truth of how I feel.

I will communicate the boundaries of my needs, my safety and my pain in a way that still honors you and strengthens us.

And when you learn this new way of being in relationship, you build a solid foundation of trust and deepening bond.