Wednesday, January 16, 2013

It Rubs The Wednesday On Its Skin Or Else It Gets The Hose Again

As everybody knows, the Big C (that's C for "confession") with the Big O is now a two-night event, and I'm already cringing in advance:

As I understand it, the first night will focus on the confession itself, and the second night will be sort of a light-hearted free-form riff session intercut with outtakes and bloopers (Oprah tends to giggle whenever she hears the word "testicles") which will culminate in the announcement that Armstrong will become Oprah's new co-host.

Then, their first guest will be Bill Maher, with whom they will discuss the difference between "pedal" and "peddle:"

Let us not forget as the sad #LanceArmstrong drama unfolds that no one in history has ever given a shit about watching someone peddle a bike
— Bill Maher (@billmaher) January 16, 2013

Interviewer: You used to race against Lance Armstrong?Wiggins: Well that's a myth. I never actually raced against Lance Armstrong. In my whole reign [sic] really. I raced once against him in the Criterium International 2004, never at the Tour de France... um yeah so that was the only time really.

Seems like an odd thing to forget, especially since he inherited Armstrong's podium spot in the 2009 Tour:

It's crucial to them that the sport look forward, ostensibly for the young riders, but really because they're as dirty as a chamois after a double century but don't want to be held accountable:"Yeah, you look at the past but today is the first day of the rest of our lives, especially for cycling. We have to leave the past. Maybe that's hard to do in your eyes but the major case of Armstrong this week was from 1999-2005. Puerto was before 2006.

Lefevere, of course, was the Mapei directeur sportif at the 1996 Paris-Roubaix:

The DOT installed the “bike corral” in front of Little Zelda on Franklin Avenue between Park and Sterling places in late November. The corral replaces one parking space with eight bike spaces and two large planters.

The problem? "Subterranean issues:"

Nugent-Miller, whose family has lived in the neighborhood for two generations, said the dispute over the bike corral is about more than just a parking space.“This is way beyond just a bike rack,” she said in an e-mail. “There are so many more subterranean issues at play here.”

And by "subterranean issues" she means the hlipsters that are emerging from the subways and taking over the neighborhood:

“A lot of the residents feel that gentrification is more of a takeover than partnership,” Nugent-Miller agreed following the meeting.

It's a shame that something as practical and inexpensive as the bicycle has become so inextricably incorporated into the gentrification wars that are now raging across Brooklyn. Sure, there are problems with gentrification--like your landlord forcing you out so he can quadruple your rent, or your local grocery becoming an artisanal mayonnaise shop, or tripping over all those stupid cutesy sidewalk blackboards in front of all the cafes and brunch restaurants--but the bicycle is merely an innocent victim in all of this. It's sort of like the name Adolf, which was perfectly lovely until you-know-who had to come along and ruin it for everybody. In fact, here's what Adolph means:

The name is a compound derived from the Old High German Athalwolf, a composition of athal, or adal, meaning noble, and wolf...

Is there anything intrinsically wrong with that? I don't think so. I mean, what's more noble than a wolf?

Actually, it's only a matter of time before someone brings the name Adolph back, though unfortunately it will probably be some artisanal father in Brooklyn who already named his older kid "Beowulf," and then someone will copy him because that's what these people do, then Franklin Avenue in Brooklyn will be teeming with little Adolphs, and then people will start hating the name all over again only for completely different reasons, and of course they'll all ride bikes, and finally little bicycle-riding Adolphs will become the abiding symbol of the scourge of gentrification. If this country ever does explode in an actual class war, it will probably start over a bike lane.

That's why I left Brooklyn and took my children Kim Jong, Saddam, and Idi to a neighborhood that's been gentrified for at least 200 years, safe from anything even remotely controversial or interesting.

Speaking of controversial and interesting, I would say that this bike, which was forwarded to me by a reader, qualifies as both:

Can't wait to watch Lance interview tomorrow night. Wait! That's Project Runway night. Dang.Mr. Snob: my wife insists that I sell one bike before buying a new one. I'd like to go back to steel with my next purchase. I have three bikes at present. I think she's being harsh. Any advice?

I got gentrified out of my apartment last year. Sucked ass. Ended up in a most bike un-friendly neighborhood--rutty, pitted pavement, narrow streets, and plenty of angry drivers. I am doomed to pathleteness.

WCRM- GREAT POST, way to keep it old school with that last kangaroo hunter bike.

Babble- I don't regularly peruse your blog, but DANG that was a much appreciated topic. Not the guy parts, I have my own so they aren't interesting, the canadien dromedary action shot was a real boost.

I'm really liking that last bike... te details are fascinating. is that bottom bracket really high or what??!! Also, the 1/4 mile lengths of cable housing, puts the swooping cables of the golden gate to shame!

At exactly 38:19 in the interview Lance takes his pants off and climbs up on O's chair and starts tea-baggin' the bridge of her nose with his remaining testicle. At which point she begins to knead her breast together and moan ever so gently.

I saw the Lone Wolf in Pasadena after the finish of the 2008 Tour of California. It was THAT Lotus that caught my eye. It seemed kind of creepy: the Lone Wolf (with leonine hair and countenance)just cruising slowly back and forth in the podium area after the final ceremonies were over and the crowds were starting to disperse, as if he desperately wanted to be noticed. Weird, man, weird.

What is that ugly, ugly, ugly bike-thing picture at the end of the post? My eyes hurt now.

Too early for rum and I can't celebrate, errr, Wednesday, cuz' I gotta work later.

...wow...glen cambell has kinda let himself go but i do like the new rhinestone bicycle...

..."...like a rhinestone trackbike......riding out like a geek in a star-spangled rodeo......on my rhinestone trackbike......getting on-line props from people that i don't even know..."...

...(in truth, i have massive respect for glen cambell & it breaks my heart to know such a comsumate song writer, musician & performer is suffering from alzheimers...he played his last public performance not far from here just last year...always been a class act...)...

Well, it was a quiet time - Snob was on holiday (vacation), again and there was a bit of kicking around and instead of walking along the railway tracks to see a dead body, a blog was made,to help all of the slowtons get up to date with the Snob "scene". I personally didn't think he'd like it, and as it turned out, nobody had the stamina to make the whole thing get past, what, two, three posts?

Anyhoo, I still feel that if anyone wants to know what RTMS stands for they should do what I did - spend almost all of your working day making your way through the blog from start to the present. Dedication, that's what you need.

...the images show their stuff just on stomachs n' butts n' stuff but i once happened upon jennifer love hewitt on th kimmel show & she was talking about bejewelling her plump little va-jay-jay mound...

I never doped. My my chimera did though. Several years back, US Postal Time Trial Team Reunion/Epo Blast at Hincapppie's. I swear Tyler did so much epo that he climbed the wall crossed the ceiling and came down the other wall like The Fly. And it was fook'in AWESOME man. But I never tested positive dudes. What's Opera's number again?

No doubt Wes! I miss Ant1 something awful. Remember the first time I won the podium race and I posted the nip slip avatar? Ant1 was in Belgium that week and missed it. Then he threatened everybody that if I didn't get to win again soon, he was going to punch somebody in the face. Ha! Good times.

So from what I understand, Lance has confessed to Oprah, exposing his fortune to a host of possible court actions by the people who paid him millions. And all for what? So that he can compete in some amateur races or triathlons. Maybe he's not the greatest cyclist of all time. But he's definitely the greatest Fred of all time.

I never actually raced against Lance Armstrong, but that one time that I cannot remember. We did some coke on Basso´s sis and buried some hookers in the forest but I do not know him very well.Hmmm, tits.

So now that Lance has been stripped of his TdF titles and everyone else doped too I'm sitting here thinking hey! If everything in cycling is for sale then perhaps I'll purchase one or two of those TdF titles that they stripped Lance of seeing that UlrichBassoVinoRasmussen&Everyoneelse is also a doper too.

Witnessed olympic level stupidity yesterday evening: saw a guy riding a fixie with no brakes at all (completely illegal in Germany btw, you HAVE to have brakes on a bike) although we´re in the middle of a blizzard, 3 inches of snow, ice underneath it, etc...Oh, and he had no light either..

Foldee Commercial: The pretty girl is wearing a smile that suggests her boyfriend just got done eating her canary. They peedel around Milan while someone sings in english (huh?). And Milan has received American culture as evidenced by the McDonald's they peedel by. Her helmet strap is buckled uber loose so when she crashes her helmet is sure to fly off before her head hits the concrete bridge abutment. If I were directing this opus I would change the ending starting where they hold hands, instead of hand holding each would put a hand on the others cheek, then together they let the bikes drop, then they turn and embrace, then he picks her up and twirls her around and around (just like Cipo does with his partners). Cut to closing shot of the two of them in a giant Italian wine barrel that has been converted into a hot tub, their bare shoulders are showing above the rim (implying their stark buck naked as a jay bird) as the sun sets in the distance.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!