Thursday, May 25, 2017

The Host (2006) 2h

I like horror. I like comedies. I like horror-comedies. Sometimes though you can tilt in one direction too much, or teeter-totter between extremes and it takes away from a film. At the same time, this shit was two hours long so I guess if that's what they were shooting for then they really needed to pad it.

The Host has a simple plot, but there's a lot kind of going on so bare with me on this. Set in South Korea, the movie focuses on a family consisting of a father in his 60's, two sons (one of which has a daughter), and a daughter that is apparently some sort of archery Olympian (or hot shit archery person, I don't know). The father, one son, and the son's daughter all live in some snack stand by the river that the father runs.

Back in 2000 some buttlord of a mortician tells his assistant to pour a ton of chemicals down the drain because the bottles got dusty. These chemicals get in the river and create some kind of amphibious monster that looks like a mix between a lantern fish, a lizard, and a Vaporeon (from Pokémon) mixed with the rad jaws of the Predator race. So now, in 2006, this monster appears and wrecks the river side and supposedly eats the daughter. Later the son gets a late night call from his daughter saying she's trapped in a sewer and this sets off the family on an escape from quarantine to find the child.

This could have been shorter, and it could've done with a lot less of the goofier shit in the beginning, but all in all this was an okay film. The monster looked good, except for one scene where I think they rendered the monster in one program and flames in another program, and those two things were put together and were making a nasty baby. The acting was good but the characters I didn't really care about. So middle of the road. Middle of the South Korean road...

I give The Host 2.5 Vaporeons out of 5 (so you don't have to look it up if you don't know):

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Patient Zero:

Hailing from Western Pennsylvania, and coming to you from the most dangerous city in the world, our challenger is a mass of 90's pop culture knowledge fueled by horror and energy drinks! Welcome to the ring, your Extreme Horror Watching champion, J. Cimba!