It’s V’s 10th Birthday, y’all!

It’s V’s tenth birthday y’all, and you know what that means – birthday sex. I don’t mean actual penetration, I just mean blasting the song “Birthday Sex” by Jeremiah because I’m depressingly single.

Catch me hanging out in my birthday suit, laying in bed with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and the only two men I need in my life – Jack (Daniel’s Tennesee Whiskey) and Tito( Handmade Vodka).

Just to clarify, I’m not actually a ten-year-old girl – that would make literally everything I’ve told you about a felony punishable by a mandatory prison term of at least five years. And you all know I am far too pretty for prison.

Things have changed – we’ve gone from letters to columns where I just complain about my life and push the limits of what is able to be printed in a college newspaper. But despite all of this, you still don’t know who I am.

I could be sitting next to you in class, or we could be talking this very moment.

I may not even be a woman (even though we all know that sh*t is fluid anyway).

The truth is, you don’t know who I am, but that’s the fun of it. Your anonymous letters and my anonymous advice are what has made V’s Take the most-read sex column in a University of Miami student publication.

The only way you’ll find me is if you follow the sweet sound of Jeremiah’s “Birthday Sex” to my apartment. If you find me, we won’t need candles and cake, just need your body to make some real birthday sex that I will write about next week, and hopefully for the next ten years.

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The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.