The Answer commercial: My life was over. I'd lost my job, my husband left me. I had to sleep in a kangaroo's pouch. And then I found... The Answer. SECRET DON'T VISIT OUR WEBSITE The Answer was discovered by the philosophers of ancient Greece, who hid it under a rock where it was discovered by the knights of King Arthur, who placed it in a bottle and set it in the ocean, where it was found by Pat Sajak. These great men knew The Answer. The Answer is the secret to achieving your heart's desire. Learn The Answer, and change your life. Available wherever dubious, quasi-scientific self-help books are sold.

[Bart visits Mrs. Krabappel]

Bart: Well, Mrs. K, I have just the book, slash, DVD for you: The Answer. This book uses the ancient power of wanting.

Mrs Krabappel: [in front of the class] You're children. Why do you all need cell phones?

Milhouse: Safety.

Unknown kid 1: Emergencies.

Unknown kid 2:Safety.

Jimbo: Educational.

Mr. Largo: Edna please! Even the Union can't protect you from this.

[Mrs.Krabappel smiles at Mr. Largo who is looking nervous and evolves into a handsome man]

Kent Brockman: I'm here at Krustyburger for the launch of the highly anticipated "Burger Squared." Krusty, what can you tell us about this fantastic new sandwich?

Krusty: I'm glad you asked, Kent. We start with Grade A beef, feed that to other cows, then kill them and serve the unholy results on a seven-grain bun. Burger Squared!

Homer: The math checks out!

Lisa: Cows eating cows?! That's an abomination!

Marge: Now, Lisa, you're a vegetarian, but these cows have made a different choice.

Kent Brockman: And now, this lucky reporter will be the first human to sample this delicious crime against nature. Mmm. Juicy, flavorful, with just a hint of... [changes into a Muncher and takes a bite out of Krusty's elbow]

Carl: What? Get back to the Eternal City of Lights at once or you're fired!

Homer: Oh, I don't think so. You know that woman you've been playing "hide the baguette" with? She's French first lady Carla Bruni. You fire me, and I'll call Nicolas Sarkozy, and he'll be all over you like Truffaut on Hitchcock.

Carl: You wouldn't dare!

Homer: Oh, wouldn't I? Just listen! (dials other cell phone)

President Nicholas Sarkozy: (on phone) Allo, you are getting cozy with Sarkozy.

Carl: All right, Homer, you win. Give Marge my best.

Homer: I will, but first, I'll be giving her mine.

Homer: [about Marge and Ned having an affair] My wife and my worst friend. Could it be?

Marge: The most intimate evening we spent this week was when I was ironing your shirts.

Homer: The year is 1946, and in a war torn world, a single flower blooms and that flower is an angry Japanese monster named Godzilla. Fortunately, there was one man that could help, Colonel Tom Parker. The colonel took this monster, cleaned him up and put him on stage under the name the Rolling Stones. The first concert was a sell out with many, many, many people eaten. But those that survived raved about the undeniable harmonies and brutally honest lyrics of what they had just seen. And out of the wreckage of that concert crawled the woman that would later give birth to me, not once but four times, cause in those days if they didn't like the way you looked they would send you back in to bake a little longer. After four times they just decided to cut off my tail, but you can still see it in the British museum, which interestingly enough, is in France. Not the France you're thinking of, but a much better one, built with palm trees and leprechauns, but I digress. In fact, I used to be a professional digressor, but I don't wanna get off the track, so I'll tell you about the time I was a professional digressor. The year was 2021, and I had just returned from a brief vacation where I had eaten more than my fill of tacos. Not the tacos you're thinking of. Did I ever tell you about the time I started Gracie Films? (The Gracie Films logo shows up.) Hey, shush yourself!

Burns: Grab your scripts, people. We open in twenty minutes. Break a leg! (to a passing man) I said break a leg! (the man takes a hammer and hits the knee of his right leg, which cracks) For God's sake, man, it's a figure of speech! You're fired. (the man hobbles offscreen)

Bart: I am so glad I'm not your kid.

Lisa: Well I'm so glad I'm not your mom.

Bart: You should be. If I was in your tummy, I'd poo in your throat.

Lisa: Eww, eww, eww! I'll never get that image out of my head!

Homer: Yeah, the war's over and the future won. The past never had a chance man.

Homer: Alright buddy, I'm gonna do to you what you should've done to my son a long time ago!

Bart: Y'know, the great ones can kill without explaining.

Sideshow Bob: I can stand in one state, fire a gun in the second state, the bullet will travel through the third, hitting you in the fourth, so you'll fall down dead in the fifth! No single act is against any law, but their sum total is the greatest murder since Snape killed Dumbledore!