I was worried that it may be too early to start talking about Hurricane Sandy, which is probably going to turn into Snoreastercane Sandbitch over the weekend, but I'm hearing from everyone around me that it's best we start this Sandy conversation today because, honestly, who knows if we'll even be alive next week. Yeah, she's gonna be that powerful. Or, at least, that's what some colorful maps may or may not be predicting.

Meteorologists are saying that Sandy, if she stays on track, will pummel the Atlantic seaboard from North Carolina to New England and might be one of the craziest storms in recent history.

I really wish I was a weatherperson on TV right now, because I would be making some crazy swooshing gestures as I talk about how there's a hurricane coming up from the south ... that's going to mix with a cold front coming in from the west ... (and here's the part in my broadcast where I'd cut the lights and put a flashlight under my chin) to form the perfect storm.

The Weather Channel warns that the East Coast has a good chance of being blasted with gale-force wind, heavy rains, and possible snow this weekend as the "unusual hybrid" storm makes landfall.

Furthermore! Expert Jim Cisco says, "It'll be a rough couple days from Hatteras up to Cape Cod. We don't have many modern precedents for what the models are suggesting."

Beg pardon? No "modern precedents"? This storm doesn't sound like the perfect storm, it sounds like the perfectest storm. Or, as the National Weather Service has dubbed it, a "frankenstorm."

All we can do between now and Sandy's arrival is sit and wait. We here in NYC are pretty familiar with hurricane preparedness -- I'm pretty sure everyone's got some batteries left over from that bust of a 'cane, Irene. Plus, just last year, Snowtober fell on October 29.

But! From what it sounds like (and god, I do love the hype), Irene and Snowtober will have nothing on this bitch.