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Charles and Camilla: The real-life fairy tale

Charles and Camilla: The real life fairy tale.

Photograph by: AFP
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Maybe it takes a thrice-married American television writer to explain why Prince Charles and Camilla make such a perfect couple.

Tracy McMillan is the author of Why You're not Married . . . Yet, a book based on her straightforward explanation for why beautiful, stylish, high-achieving women remain single. Women such as Charles's first wife, Diana, the Princess of Wales.

"It seems like Princess Diana was almost 'cast' in the role of Princess of Wales. It's as if the royal family went shopping for a bride the way you'd go shopping for, say, a sofa," says MacMillan, 47.

"The problem? No matter how beautiful it was, as far as Charles was concerned, that sofa was never truly comfortable for him . . . nor did it fit with the rest of the furniture."

Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, was once the reviled "Rottweiler" mistress of the future king while he was married to the most photogenic princess in the world.

But Diana was a few things Camilla was not. Camilla is obviously quite comfortable in her own well-upholstered skin. She shies away from drama and retaliation. No matter how many stones were thrown, Camilla has always shown patience and restraint. Diana, not so much, even as she made shy doe-eyes at the camera.

"With Camilla, it's clear that Prince Charles chose from the heart. And what's interesting is that the heart connection never wears out," says MacMillan, who has written for Mad Men and United States of Tara and got her start as how-to-make-yourself-marriage-material maven when she wrote the original Why You're Not married . . . Yet article for the Huffington Post. The article became one of the most-viewed articles of all time.

"Even after 20 years, including other marriages, the love they had for each other didn't fade, says McMillan. "Because in a great relationship, love actually isn't like a glass of water, where you drink it and then it's gone. It's more like a spring, that somehow keeps renewing itself."

The vicissitudes of Charles and Camilla's relationship are well-known. And it was perhaps the difficulties that they had to overcome that helped forge their bond.

They met in 1970 at a polo match, the sort of horsey, country event both enjoy. "My great-grandmother was your great-great-grandfather's mistress. So how about it?" Camilla supposedly quipped to Charles.

The reference is to Alice Keppel, Camilla's penniless — and married — ancestor who was mistress to the future Edward VII. The two were 26 years apart in age and Edward was prey to mood swings, but Alice's supportive nature was always able to bring him back from the brink of his dark moods. When Edward was on his deathbed, Queen Alexandra arranged for Alice to see him.

This supportive role is one that Camilla also plays in her relationship with Charles. And the Alice Keppel quip (whether it was ever actually offered, which is reportedly debatable) is an illustration of the power of Camilla's personality, which is very slowly being revealed to the public.

Charles regularly consults with Camilla and she enthuses about his ideas for projects ranging from composting to organic gardening. They both love country life, Scotland and opera. Camilla's staff like her. Friends have been loyal and discreet for an incredibly long time.

More important, Camilla has managed to keep it zipped for decades. She didn't even tell her closest friends when she began her relationship with Charles more than 40 years ago. Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge, appears to have taken a leaf from Camilla's book of watertight discretion.

Observers say the couple have an affectionate, comfortable relationship. Emma Soames, granddaughter of Winston Churchill who observed the two at Clarence House, wrote in The Telegram that the pair's relationship is "a Good Thing."

"Their chemistry is good: They both light up in each other's presence and they evidently share a common language — there was even a bit of PDA (public display of affection), which really took me by surprise," she wrote.

The hallmark of a good marriage is not whether Brad and Angelina would be cast in the biopic.

There's a lot to be said for the power of attachment, says Dr. Sue Johnson, a University of Ottawa psychology professor who has worked with and studied couples in distressed relationships for 30 years.

"It didn't fit that romantic fairy tale. But it felt right to me," says Johnson. "If people have the chance to connect, they will fight for each other. He had to buck the entire establishment and his mother to be with her. He insisted on marrying her. My sense is that they care for each other very deeply."

Johnson said she believes that people are naturally monogamous, but sometimes are frustrated in finding that bond. For some people, affairs are the result of unbearable loneliness.

"It's hard to live without an emotional connection. If you don't find that with the person you're with, then you're a sitting duck for an affair," says Johnson, the author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

People all need a safe bond, she says. These bonds are the same as between mother and child. They are our main way with dealing with our own vulnerability. The more emotionally connected you are to our partners, the more separate you can be. Being different is not a threat to the bond.

"Privileged people are just human beings. With privilege comes a lot of loneliness. You need that bond more than ever."

With Charles and Diana, it was about the roles they were in, not who there were as people, says Johnson.

"The real fairy-tale illusion was the marriage with Diana. It was an arranged marriage between an aristocratic virgin and the man who would be king. It has been going on for centuries," she says.

"Charles agreed to an arranged marriage to do his duty, but his attachment was always to Camilla. Diana could not compete with a deep sense of connection and intimacy."

The hallmark of Camilla's character has been patience.

In 1993, after revelations of adultery and the publication of journalist Andrew Morton's book Diana: Her True Story, which chronicled Diana's suicide attempts and eating disorders, Camilla was reviled as a homewrecker. A fellow shopper pelted Camilla with breadrolls in a parking lot outside a supermarket in Wiltshire.

Four years later in 1997, a television poll of 100,000 British viewers found that two-thirds said Charles should be disqualified as heir if he married Camilla. Diana died in a car crash in Paris a few months later, and Charles and Camilla were not actually married until 2005. She has slowly befriended her stepsons, and even advised Kate Middleton before her marriage to Prince William.

Morton, who has gone on to write celebrity biographies and William & Catherine: Their Story, notes Camilla clearly makes Charles happy, "though many people were bemused that she played such a prominent role at William and Catherine's wedding in so far as signing the register," he says.

"She has made an effort to bring Catherine into the fold and people can sense that she has a good heart in spite of the problems she caused."

Last month, on their seventh anniversary, Camilla was made a Dame Grand Cross of the Royal Victorian Order. The honour is in the personal gift of the Queen and was in recognition of Camilla's hard work, but some suspected it was a signal of the Queen's pleasure at seeing her son so happy.

Camilla even gets Morton's respect.

"She also spoke up for freedom of the media which, given the harassment she has faced over the years, won her a lot of converts and praise in Britain."

Finally, the fact that William gets along well with Camilla undercuts a lot of potential criticism, says Morton.

"He is the living embodiment of Diana. If he can forgive and move on, so must the rest of us. At least, that is the underlying message."

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