To My Forever Inspiring Friend

Life hasn't left much time for me to update y'all... with that being said we move to a new rental home on the fifteenth of next month and I have every intention of bringing back daily blogging. I miss this outlet and I miss the journey it has taken me on so far. Expressing myself openly through writing brings upon a sense of freedom and release- both of which I am craving desperately these past months.

While I will need a little more time to collect my thoughts on the happenings at home, I want to send a thank you to someone important to me.

Some of you know my dear friend Bekah over at My Little Loves. but what you may not know is that she has been my long standing inspiration for something I am madly in love with.

Breastfeeding.

I remember close to four years ago when I first met her. I was in a very rough patch with my tiny Trace and she offered to buy me a plane ticket to Alabama to come stay a while with her family to clear my thoughts. We had met through Babycenter on a group for mothers of children being born in February 2009. We talked almost daily for a year and had quickly formed a close bond. When she offered to let me stay with her a bit, I jumped at the chance. She of course had my faux daughter Ocean, who I was dying to meet.

Although we held vast differences in opinions on Mother Nature and protecting her, we shared the same love of humor, Christmas music long before Christmas, and cleaning. We spent 2 weeks together and in that time I experienced an awakening. One that for some reason in her presence I fought yet took home with me. Thrifty goodness, cloth diapers, and most of all nursing. Ah, nursing. With Bekah it seemed so effortless and quick. Something I had no experience with and was somewhat turned off by quickly seemed cozy, warm, and loving. I saw her as this super hero mother who did the very best she could in a parenting environment of (dare I say) much ignorance. And although I also witnessed a few tears of frustration when Ocean would not sleep, or wanted to nurse over and over, I saw through that to the vast amount of strength this young mother had. She was beautiful inside and out. And her family shines brightly from the love she lavishes upon them.

I watched intently and asked so many questions soaking up the wonder of breastfeeding. And as much as I had been uncomfortable with this "new to me" way of feeding I was willing to give it a try my next child. And when my next child came I found myself struggling greatly. My only source of knowledge on the subject was miles away. I was cracked, bleeding, in pain and in tears quite often at the start of nursing Phoenix. This was no easy task- and Bekah had warned me even though she seemed to be so at ease with the process. I had almost no support or resources I felt comfortable going to at home yet each day that passed and I nursed my tiny babe hour after hour- I gained strength and self confidence. And on the days I lacked the luster the continue I called Bekah in tears, and she always picked me up. "You are doing it, Kelly!" She would energetically say. And for some reason that was all I needed to hear. She had (and still to this day) made me so proud when I spent time with her, I kept going to make her proud as well. She was my cheerleader for a year of breastfeeding. And I am beyond thankful to her for the simple act of encouragement.

I spent last night lovingly looking at my tiny Pixie nursing away happily. And I smiled at how easy this time around has been. Was there pain and bleeding in the start? You betcha! And I had come to learn I was no pro, we battled with a tongue tie in the beginning which was something I was not familiar with. We fixed the problem and kept on chugging. This time around there was not a single thought of quitting my adventure in breastfeeding. I had spent months dreaming of the day I could nurse a child again. In my heart nothing else brings the simple joy of nourishing my baby. There is no greater feeling then the moments I enjoy as mother and daughter sitting in a quiet room enjoying eachother the way we were meant to. I wish I could better explain the love I feel for breastfeeding yet finding the words is hard for me because it even takes me by surprise. I had no idea I would become so captivated by this primal activity but I am truly thankful every day for the one woman who lead the way for me. And for the one woman who kept me afloat when I thought I might sink. I never gave up and I am damn proud to say that.

I have such amazing support in my friends and I am proud to call Bekah one of my closest, yet sadly farthest friend. Thank you for showing me a path I wouldn't have otherwise taken without your guidance, love, support and patience in me.

I will probably be carded until the age of 60. People keep telling me I will appreciate that one day, but for now I will continue to be annoyed by it.

Trace my oldest, is a crazy 5 year old who never quits the funny one liners. Phoenix, my 3 year old daughter has the attitude of a rich heiress"Give me give me give me. I will do this my way". Pixie Rose, my tiny surprise bundle of joy recently turned 1. We live with my soul mate of a cat, a himalayan named Muffin. I am a 27 year old without enough arms to care for everyone!