An ongoing journey through substance abuse and eating disorders.

Month: March 2018

Today was a success/failure on the eating front. I didn’t eat anything. I was actually poised to make it the entire day on zero calories (only black coffee), until a friend bought me a RockStar energy drink (260 calories). The last week or so, I’ve noticed not being that hungry at all. The hunger has […]

It seems as though I wake up every morning, disappointed I’m still alive. It takes me a long time to motivate myself to get out of bed and start my day. My first stop, when I finally rise, is in the bathroom. I use the toilet and then hop on the scale. If the number […]

I mentioned that I started running about a week ago. I’ve only made two runs so far because I overdid it the first two days and I am still dealing with a muscle pull in my right quad a week later. I’m going to get back to running as soon as that heals completely. I’m sure my […]

I’ve been dealing with my eating disorder for a long time now and I thought I had a pretty good understanding of how my body handles food and weight. Every so often, something happens that reminds me that its a little more complicated (and less black and white) than I prefer it to be. When […]

As with most other things in my life, I see my disordered eating behaviors in very black and white terms. It explains a lot of what I do as far as that goes. Black and white is why I don’t eat for days. Or eat thousands of calories in 30 minutes and puke it back […]

Monday, I woke up from a dream where I was lost in some sort of hallway maze and felt pretty awful. This morning, in my dream, N had relapsed and was holed up in a motel 6. I think this one made me feel even worse. Part of that has to do with how bad […]