Two years ago I was not in a good spot. Two years ago I was in the midst of transition and turmoil. Two years ago I came to my favourite magical town to visit some wonderful family friends and get in the Christmas spirit. Two years ago on the way home from this magical visit, I met Ben, and that’s where the magic truly began.

Deep in my gut was this feeling and the words “stay another day”. I’ve never felt something so powerful and clear. I was supposed to return home on Monday for work, but my shift was conveniently cancelled. The people I was staying with said “hey, you don’t have to leave today, feel free to take another day and leave tomorrow.” And so I listened to my gut and I enjoyed another wonderful day in my favourite town (not knowing the next day everything would change).

I got to the greyhound station with tears in my eyes. I didn’t want to leave the love of my family friends or the magic of the town. I didn’t want to return to the chaos and confusion that had become my life. I knew big decisions and changes were about to be made, but they were about to be made much easier. As I walked into the greyhound station, I noticed a handsome man sitting in the corner of the room listening to music. He caught my eye probably without even noticing. Coincidentally, he worked with the lady I was staying with and we were briefly introduced. We spent the next two hours glancing back at each other and awkwardly turning away when the other one caught sight of it.

The bus stopped. And my heart did too as Ben approached me. We chatted briefly and I said he could sit beside me if he likes. With energy and enthusiasm, he grabbed his stuff and bounce landed in the seat next to me. We spent the rest of the bus ride chatting and laughing, it was as if we’d known each other for years.

I was smitten. Everything I dreamed of having in a man was right in front of me; kind, humorous, loves the outdoors, educated, great relationship with his family. The list went on and on and on. He sold me with “my favourite thing is exploring a new place or standing at the top of a mountain”. I didn’t believe it when people would say “when you know, you know” until I met Ben. It was as if I was being shown that it was possible for me to have a man who would treat me right, a man who was genuine and real and truly himself.

I wish I could say it was all happily ever after from there. There were a few hiccups along the way. We both went through transitionary periods including travel and moving, but our interest for each other didn’t go anywhere. My friends probably thought I was nuts when I would say things like “I have a feeling we’ll be together one day. I know it’s not the end of us.” But sure enough, two years later here we are. Living happily, healthily, and heartfully in my favourite magical town.

It’s crazy to think had I not followed my intuition, I may not be aware of my self-worth. I may not have had the opportunity to grow in the same way without Ben being brutally honest with me to produce necessary positive change. I’m thankful everyday for his presence in my life. I’m thankful for the beautiful, synchronistic journey that got us to where we are today, and I’m thankful for the love and laughter we share together on a daily basis. Some messages or gut feelings may seem silly, and may not make total sense at the time, but I’m living proof that when you follow your intuition, truly beautiful and profound things can happen.

Two years ago I met the love of my life. Two years ago I allowed my shell to crack open, and I allowed my self-worth to blossom and grow. Two years ago I realized I am (and we are all) worthy of a healthy, harmonious relationship. So here’s to Ben; the man I love waking up to everyday. Thank you for coming into my life and influencing me more than I ever dreamed was possible. My heart is so full of love and gratitude for you.

Why am I up writing a blog at midnight when I need to be up in the morning for a workshop followed by a womens retreat? Well, here’s why…

I felt like total crap earlier this evening. After yoga, meditating, deep breathing and crying, I finally started to feel a bit better. I hold no shame in crying by the way. We seem to have this idea that crying is bad or should be for behind closed doors. The truth is: tears are simply energy shifting. When we cry we release, we heal, we grow, we honour our wounds so that they can flourish into something greater.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” – Rumi

The past few months have held some heartfelt trauma in my life. However – if you viewed my life from the outside, you’d think I’m ‘happy go lucky’ and leading a normal, wonderful life. My life is truly wonderful, but social media doesn’t show the pain of crisis, or the struggles encountered in everyday life. I’m a big believer in being positive and letting our situations better us instead of bitter us, but quite frankly F that happy go lucky shit if it means neglecting your own self-care. There’s this idea that we have to be happy all the time or just keep pushing on. And that’s what I did. The problem is when we do this, we bury the things that need our love, patience and attention. After all, as C.G. Jung wisely said “what you resist, persists”. And it doesn’t just persist – the more you ignore it, or try to mask the pain or the trauma with fleeting happiness, the harder it comes back to bite you right in the ass. If you’re going through something – allow it, and take time for yourself, take time to cry, take time to do what makes you feel loved and nourished. Be gentle with yourself. Self-love and self-care create your best self, and when you are at your best, everyone wins.

One of the biggest struggles we can find ourselves in is the struggle of being where we are now, and that death defying question of how do we get from here to where we want to be. I understand this struggle all too well, and how hard it is to bridge this gap. The thing is – the more we focus on where we aren’t, the more frustrated we become which only draws us farther away from where we desire to be and the energy we want to bring forth.

I read in one of Gabby Bernsteins books to judge our success based on how much fun we’re having. It might be the easiest way to boost your success rate instantly, as we all have the power to have more fun day in and day out. Comparison becomes too easy in todays day and age – we only see everyones highlights, and other peoples successes and stories have factors that we’re unaware of. Only compare if it empowers you, motivates you, and draws you closer to your desires. If comparing yourself to others makes you feel bad about where you’re at, forget it. Focus on fun instead. And make every baby step from here to where you want to be as much FUN as possible.

And just saying – taking a break from social media is actually extremely refreshing and exhilarating. It helps you to focus on the real world around you, not just the cyber world we zone into.

It’s okay if you feel sad, discouraged, anxious, depressed, fearful, angry. By feeling, YOU ARE BEING HUMAN. Feelings are a natural part of life and when we repress them, we don’t feel better, we just delay feeling good and being in tune with ourselves. I get yes – temporarily it may feel better to ignore feelings. And moments of happiness can trick you into thinking everything’s okay. But you know what?

It’s okay to not feel okay, you will not feel this way forever.

You may actually find that by allowing your emotions to just be, by honouring them, sitting with them, meditating on them, breathing into them – you allow the change to take place. The change that has been calling to you through the constant nags or twinges of hurt or anxiety. Whether you are hurting or stressed or frazzled or brokenhearted, whatever you are feeling, remember, it’s only temporary. You are loved, and you are worthy of all of the best things this life has to offer. I wish you all loving healing and the courage to say ‘I’m not okay,’ because it’s okay to not be okay.

https://hypno.love/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/10383085_10155669075530627_799375863922304213_n.jpg710960Anyahttps://hypno.love/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Anya-300x138.pngAnya2016-10-14 00:52:052017-10-16 19:10:41It's okay to not feel okay, you will not feel this way forever.