A 35-year-old farmer named only as Hasse was said to be so horny for hornets that he got romantic with a whole hive, prompting the wasps to sting him until he was dead and unrecognizably bloated. It turns out that the story is probably bogus — a rehash of a false report that has been making the rounds, in various languages, for the past year. It was implausible, but certainly not out of the realm of possibility.

It wouldn’t have been the first time that a fetish and some kinky hanky-panky turned out to be a person’s final act on earth.

Here are 15 ways people have perished during bizarre sex — and some suggestions to help you avoid the same fate.

15. Death by electric nipple clamps

Photo via nonomuaks.blogspot.com

What happened: In the winter of 2008, Kristen and Toby Taylor were engaging in some marital relations when they decided to get a bit kinky, as they had before. Toby attached some clamps to his wife’s nipples and decided to up the ante with some electric stimulation by plugging the clamps into an electric power bar.

After being zapped several times, 29-year-old Kristen went limp and slumped to the floor. She died, her husband was booked for involuntary manslaughter and nobody lived happily ever after.

How to avoid: Have your nipple clamps checked regularly by a registered electrician.

14. Death by Viagra-fueled orgy

Photo via cbs.com

What happened: A horny (and ambitious) Russian man named Sergey Tuganov died in 2009 after guzzling an entire bottle of Viagra in order to engage in a 12-hour orgy with some of his closest, most naked friends.

Why’d he do it? He was trying to win a wager. His female partners had bet him £3,000 (about 4,500 bucks) that he wouldn’t be able to satisfy them both non-stop for the entire half-day sexfest. He actually won the bet, but moments after completing his 12th hour of love(?)making, he dropped dead of a heart attack.

How to avoid: Be a normal man by sleeping for a few hours after every five-minute burst of sexing. It’s easier on your ticker.

13. Choking the chicken… among chickens

Photo via webpronews.com

What happened: A Chinese man known only as Lu was found one morning on the ground of his chicken coop — his pants around his ankles, some soiled tissues nearby and a porn film still playing on his computer inside the nearby house. Apparently he needed to attend to an immediate urge but there was a party happening in the house, so he tried to find privacy among poultry, but had a heart attack at the moment of climax. As far as anyone could tell, his pecker never got pecked by nearby cluckers.

They kept the car running in order to stay warm (Austria can be chilly, even if you’re sharing body heat) and they kept the garage door closed. The carbon monoxide eventually lulled them into a permanent sleep, presumably with smiles on their faces.

How to avoid: Drive a hybrid.

11. Beware of sex on the balcony

Photo via toromagazine.com

What happened: In 1996, Sandra Orellana plummeted to her death from the eighth-floor balcony of a Los Angeles hotel. She was stark naked when she hit the ground, and it was reported that she tumbled backwards over the railing when engaging in foreplay with Texas businessman Robert Lee Salazar.

Despite a trial that found Salazar innocent of wrongdoing, speculation still abounds as to whether Orellana fell or was pushed by Salazar (who was married to someone else at the time).

How to avoid: Only have sex at sea level.

10. The fearsome threesome

Photo via comedycentral.co.uk

What happened: Atlanta cop William Martinez engaged in a ménage à trois with an unidentified male friend and a woman in 2009, and then kicked the bucket. While such an adventure would be a heart-pounding experience for anyone, Martinez’s heart wasn’t up for the exertion. His doctor should have known that, apparently.

Martinez’s family was later awarded $3 million from his cardiologist when a court determined the doctor should have warned him to avoid physical exertion.

How to avoid: Have a threesome with your cardiologist, in case anything goes awry.

9. Maulin’ while ballin’

Photo via theshakedowncombo.com

What happened: In the savannah of Zimbabwe, it seems “safe sex” is a relative term. When a pair of lovers sneaked off for a romp in the African bush last year, they were attacked by a hungry lion. A woman named Sharai Mawera reportedly died after being mauled by a stealthy, rogue Simba.

How to avoid: Have sex near a herd of elephants, which frighten away lions.

8. Attila the Hunk?

Photo via thetyee.ca

What happened: The ruler of the Huns during the 5th century was short and ugly, but still managed to get 12 wives. On the night he wed his 12th, he kicked the bucket while consummating the marriage. It was probably the least likely death for Attila, who was one of the most feared warriors in history.

His first 11 wives probably wore him out.

How to avoid: Don’t invade Italy.

7. Waiting too long can lead to a broken heart

Photo via tumblr.com

What happened: A young Japanese couple named Sachi and Tomio Hidaka decided to wait until their wedding night to finally bump uglies.

Perhaps it was a crushing letdown after years of anticipation — or perhaps it was mind-blowingly amazing sex — but for some reason both of them dropped dead afterward. Like Romeo and Juliet, but with undiagnosed heart problems.

How to avoid: Lots of promiscuous sex before marriage.

6. Never too old for kink

Photo via singaporegirl.wordpress.com

What happened: Frank Burton was 85 years old when he passed away, which is a perfectly normal age at which to die. The means of his passing, however, was far from normal.

When he was found (two months after his death), he still had a shower cap in his mouth and string around his genitals. Cause of death: auto-erotic asphyxiation, possibly mixed with old age.

How to avoid: Edible shower caps, youth.

5. Cheating with a horse

Photo via funnypica.com

What happened: Romanian circus animal trainer Hannibal Cantori reportedly strangled his wife and then committed suicide in May 1993.

According to Bucharest Police, he took the drastic actions after walking into a stable one night and catching his wife in the midst of inappropriate relations with one of his horses.

How to avoid: Be vigilant for flirtatious whinnying.

4. INXSphyxiation

Photo via classic-stitch.com

What happened: In 1997, Michael Hutchence, lead singer of Aussie rock legends INXS, was found alone in a Sydney hotel room in what seemed at first like a suicide. Details soon began to emerge that suggested his death was due to a penchant for auto-erotic asphyxiation.

That explanation is still the subject of some debate, as others argue that it was suicide fueled by drug abuse, but most news sources latched onto the kinky suffocation fetish angle, so we’ll stick with that too.

How to avoid: Don’t sing for INXS. That means you, J.D. Fortune.

3. Death by abstinence

Photo via thenerdfightingfeminist.wordpress.com

What happened: A 22-year-old Peruvian woman named Rosa Vela reportedly died from septicaemia — essentially a toxic infection — due to unsanitary conditions around her genitals, which led to the poisoning of her bloodstream.

The culprit: the rusty padlock on the leather chastity belt her husband forced her to wear while he was away on business to ensure her fidelity.

How to avoid: Regular squirts of WD-40 to prevent rust.

2. Oversexed by a half-dozen horny wives

Photo via mydeathspace.com

What happened: Uroko Onoja, a Nigerian polygamist businessman, reportedly died after being forced by five of his six wives to have sex with each of them. The five wives were reportedly jealous of the sixth wife — the youngest — because she was getting the most attention. So they forced Onoja, under threat of a violence with knives and sticks, to satisfy them as well. He successfully pleasured four of them, but his exhausted heart stopped ticking during sex with the fifth.

How to avoid: Only marry five women or less.

1. The old “crushed by a grand piano on hydraulics” death

Photo via democraticunderground.com

What happened: The Condor Bar in San Francisco is widely believed to be the first topless bar in America, and is also the site of one of the most bizarre sex deaths in history. One of the club’s defining features was a grand piano that descended from the rafters, with a buxom beauty draped over it. One night in 1983, after the bar had closed, bouncer Jimmy Ferrozzo and dancer Theresa Hill decided to have sex on top of the piano. Unfortunately, one of them managed to accidentally bump the button that started the hydraulics, which raised the piano back to the ceiling. Ferrozzo was crushed between the piano and the ceiling, and the dancer was traumatically stuck under his corpse until a janitor happened upon them the next morning.