Donald Trump Has an Undead Hooker Problem

The cliche line reads that the only thing that’ll cost you your job in Washington D.C. is a dead hooker in your bed, or a live boy. The former probably holds true. The latter may now launch you into higher office.

President Trump has a live hooker problem. No, not Melania. She’s cool. Porn star, a term thrown around exceedingly loosely in accolade parlance, Stormy Daniels claims she had a sexual affair with Trump a decade ago, while married to his current third wife. She doesn’t claim this so much as Trump detractors have re-found Stormy in their never ending attempt to smear him with shit he’s almost certainly guilty of, but to which nobody much gives a shit. Like banging a porn star. Would Trump do that? Probably. It’s hard to shock people to the core with things they already believe to be likely. Have you heard Alabama football players may not be putting much effort into their academic studies? True fact. Let’s riot.

Unable to stir the populace into a revolutionary event, outlets like Mother Jones turned the Trump dicks porn star story into a conspiracy by Fox News to keep the live sex worker story quiet. Mother Jones points out that Fox News reporter Diana Falzone had a piece ready to go on Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump a month before the 2016 election, but it was killed for some dubious journalistic reasons. Fox even had an email purporting to show the $130,000 Trump’s attorney paid Daniels to STFU about whatever rimming and face sitting took place. Is it possible the Fox execs were rooting for Trump the way CNN/NBC were pulling crazy hard for Hillary Clinton? Again, remember those Alabama football players ditching Criminal Sciences class. Shocking.

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Mother Jones concludes that Trump’s affair with the porn star is copacetic and his personal business, but that the payoff to keep quiet about it “is a very big deal”. There’s no explanation of why it’s such a big deal to pay off chicks you sleep with on the side when you’re a wealthy businessman. And when you’re running for President, doubly so. Not like he had her killed. Nor did he pay her off to shut up about a crime as did Harvey Weinstein, in between writing checks to the Clinton campaign. He paid her not to go to TMZ or the DNC to get paid by them.

Trump being a narcissistic asshole is the least surprising tale of the past two years. The manner in which he’s turned millions of other people into blindly tantrum throwing unmeasured assholes is the actual newsworthy story.