Hello everyone! I'm glad you are all loving the story so far! A few of you might have seen that I requested a drawing of Shadow from Kyderra. Well he has delivered, and I must say that I absolutely love what he has done. It is exactly How I imagined him, if not better! Make sure to send your love to Kyderra, for he brought this stories main character to life as well as being an amazing artist!

Hello everyone! I'm glad you are all loving the story so far! A few of you might have seen that I requested a drawing of Shadow from Kyderra. Well he has delivered, and I must say that I absolutely love what he has done. It is exactly How I imagined him, if not better! Make sure to send your love to Kyderra, for he brought this stories main character to life as well as being an amazing artist!

That is very awesome comrade, send my regards to him, on the great work.

I always thought of him as a completely black other then the paws kitten, looks a lot like a tiger with those strips. Also looks older then someone being carried around in a harness, just can't picture it. Ohh well, while reading the story, I will just use my imaginations and picture him the way I normally do.Kyderra did a great job on the picture though.

As an avid fanfic reader, and have been since 2006 and have read over 240 some fanfics, and I'm still in the process of reading all of them. So it's not that hard to wait. Count your blessings that Neko updates often, instead of once a month.

They're the only family I've known, but I'm not truly their son. I wasn't born to live this life, I was forced into it...

"Why are you telling me all of this? Why now?" I asked looking up to the Old Man.

"If I didn't tell you now, you may not have ever known. Isn't it best to know the truth then live a lie?"

"What do you mean I may not have ever known? Couldn't you have just told me when I was older, when this wouldn't have been such a hard decision?"

He sighed, "I'm leaving, If I didn't tell you now you never would have known the truth."

I stared at my feet, coming to a decision. "Will you be here in an hour? I need to go see my family."

"Well yes, but wouldn't you want me to change you back now?" He gave me a quizzical look.

I slipped the ring back on, changing back to my human disguise. "I have to tell them what has happened, they'll have to see my true form to beleive me."

"I see...I'll be here, waiting for your return."

**********

When I got home, everyone was glad to see me. Than they were angry for making them worry, it was funny how quickly their emotions changed. They wanted an explanation so I dragged them to the living room where we all took a seat. I told them everything that had happened, everything I learned. How David sent me to a different universe, becoming a cat, about Pete and Skylar...and about the confrontation in the book store. David started laughing.

"Did you hit your head or something?" he said.

My parents exchanged worried looks. "Honey, I'm not sure why you are saying these crazy things. Is it because you found out you were adopted? We wanted to tell you when you got older so you would be more understanding..."

I took a deep breath "I guess I have no choice..." I slipped the ring off. When the smoke cleared, I heard them all gasp.

"You, were telling the truth" dad finally said.

"Yes, I was. I didn't know how else to tell you all of this, but I feel you need to know since you're my family."

"You mean... that spell worked? I thought that was a dream..." David said looking off into space.

"Oh Andrew!" Mom gave me a tight hug. "It's hard to beleive... but it has to be true right? I mean, just look at you, your a cute little cat." She let go of the embrace, still holding onto my shoulders. She began to tear up, then hugged me again. "I'm so sorry you had to find out this way."

"It's alright, I beleive this all happened for a reason. To show me about my true self" I hugged her back.

************

The bell rang as I walked inside to the counter. The old man, hearing my entrance, appeared from the back room.

"Did you speak with your family?" he asked.

"Yea, they took it a lot better then I expected. They were very understanding."

"I'm glad to hear it." He paused for a few seconds. "Are you ready to be a human again?"

@ Cerberusx : he is already a cat, he is choosing to stay a cat or go back to being human.

**********

"Are you ready to be a human again?"

"Yes...But that would be the easy way out. I have to see what my original life would've been like. I've been living a false life, a life that was created of magic. I'm not saying it was a bad thing, but I want to live the life I was born to live... I'm not going to totally leave my human family though, with the universal time differences visiting won't be hard." I took a deep breath, it felt like I had poured my heart out to the old man.

"A very wise choice young one, are you ready to depart?" He asked.

I sat my backpack down and slipped the ring off. "I have a question first, is there anything you can do to make me older? I don't understand why my cat body is so young, shouldn't I be a teenager since my human body is a teenager?"

"Let me explain, when you were changed into a human child it copied the same age as your original body. But when you change back to your original body it stays the same age it was when you left it. To put it simply, when you are a kitten your kitten body ages and your human body does not and vice versa."

"So, you're saying I have to grow up all over again?"

"Not entirely, physically yes, mentally you are already a mature young adult."

"I suppose you have a point there" I sighed. "Alright, go ahead and draw that diagram thingy. I'm ready to go back now."

"Sit down and you'll be on your way, I'm assuming you want to take your things with you?" he said, indicating to my backpack.

I took a seat next to my bag, "Sorry, is it a problem? I can always take it back home..."

"Of course not, not a problem at all." He meshed his hands together, "Prepare yourself."

"Wait, no diagram?" I asked looking up to him.

"I've long passed the need of those silly things." He closed his eyes, " I wish you the best of luck Andrew, or should say Shadow?" He began chanting softly, a smile on his face.

The blue force field appeared around me as he continued chanting. "Wait, I forgot to ask what your name was!" He kept chanting as if he hadn't heard me, the room slowly being filled with a bright light.

"Nathaniel"

Everything went white.

***********

I found myself lying face down in a pile of snow. I sat up checking my surroundings, I was in the front yard of Pete's House! I put the ring into my backpack, dragging the heavy thing through the snow to Pete's front door. This was so easy to carry as a human, this cat body of mine can barely drag the darn thing. I finally managed to arrive at the front door, backpack in tow. I knocked on the door hoping that someone was home. It took a few seconds but the door slowly opened revealing Pete.

"Welcome back" He said calmly.

"Thanks I'm....wait you're not surprised I came back?"

"I knew the situation, I knew the possibility of you returning"

"What, how did you know?"

"I was informed."

I was going to ask who told him but I knew he probably wouldn't say a word about it. Was it the council Skylar had spoken of before?

Pete stepped aside and invited me in, taking in my backpack as well. I followed him to the living room where he sat my belongings next to my bed. My bed is still here...did he know I was going to come back. Or did he keep it just in case of my return? We sat down on the couch, "Where's King?"

"He's doing some grocery shopping with Skylar."

"Oh..." I looked down at my feet, then back at Pete. "How long has it been since I've been gone?"

"Only a few days, I told him you were visiting family."

There was a moment of silence. "So...can I still stay with you? I'll still follow all the rules you made and-"

"Of course you can, you'll always have a home here. Besides, I you've been helping King ever since you've gotten here."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Pete simply smiled.

***********

Knock Knock Knock

Fido opened the door, "Hey Shadow, what's up?"

"Hi Fido, I was wondering If Sabrina was here; I need to talk to her."

"She's not here, I think she's home."

"Can you tell me where she lives?" I asked.

*************

This was it, I was going to tell her. I couldn't tell her the whole truth, I doubt she would beleive me but she had to know about this.

Knock Knock Knock

I waited anxiously, not knowing how well this would go. The door finally opened, Sabrina coming into view.

"Hi Sabrina..." I was getting nervous.

"Hello Shadow, what can I do for you?"

"I was wondering... if I could talk to you about something important."

"Okay, come inside where it's not so cold."

I followed her inside, taking a seat next to her on the couch.

"So what did you want to tell me?" she asked.

"I have...I need to tell you something. It's kind of complicated so bear with me OK?"

"Sure."

"Wow, where to start....Okay. I found out a few days ago that the family I've been living with my whole life wasn't my true family, I was adopted. The guy who found me as a kitten saved me from a blizzard and gave me to a loving couple. When I was told this I remembered what you had said, how I looked just like your brother. Well, I put two and two together...I am your brother Sabrina. I got lost one day and was saved and adopted, it's just like what you said. How your brother had just disappeared one day..." I stopped talking,I wasn't sure what else to say, I didn't have anything else to say. I looked up at Sabrina.

"Are you trying to pull some kind of cruel joke on me just because you look like my lost little brother? If you were really him you wouldn't still be a kitten." She stood up, "Please just go."

Crap, I hadn't thought about that. I guess I have to tell her everything.

************

Her eye's were glistening with sadness. It had taken awhile but I had finally explained the whole truth to her. She wrapped her arms around me and began to cry.

"I'm so sorry, it's all my fault that you got lost that day. I was suppose to watch you but you ran off and I couldn't find you" she said through her tears.

I hugged her back, forcing back my own tears. "It's alright, I'm just glad I'm here with you now."

"Me too..."

End Chapter One

*************

I wasn't kidding when I said I had a lot of idea's for this story, this is simply the end of the first Plot. I hope you all have enjoyed it so far!

If you all would be so kind I would like you to review my story so far so that I may improve on the next chapter!Rate it 1-10 (10 being the best 1 being the worst)How I can ImproveWhat you likedWhat You Didn't LikeAlso, if you would like to suggest an idea feel free to PM it to me

Thank you everyone, for all the positive comments. I'm so glad you all enjoyed it so much and I hope the next chapter will be even better!

Rate it 1-10: 9.5863962098!!!How I can Improve: Punctuation (only a little) and the conversations don't always flow along.What you liked: The plot, the ideas, Sabrina, King, Sasha, the pretend game they played, all of the chaptersWhat You Didn't Like: Hippie Unicorns. I don't dislike the character Skylar, just the thought of a Hippie unicorn disturbs me.

Interesting... Wow, chapter one? XD This is going to be very long after all. Well, awesome! What i said above, interesting. Will be looking forward for more.Oh and 9.8/10(the occasional your instead of you're error)

Last edited by ReCreate on Thu May 27, 2010 11:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thu May 27, 2010 8:46 pm

Atari

Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 6:18 pmPosts: 118

Re: A Whole New World

Rate it 1-10: ~9.8Some "hiccups" in the grammar and punctuation that would need to be fixed, and the changing Point-Of-View was confusing. However, it followed along in story, and had good humor to it, which might need the reader to have seen quite a few of the comics to understand them [not to say that's a bad thing ].

Okie doke, review time:Rating: 7.5/10.How you can improve: I really liked this so far, however, I feel there are a couple things you can do to make it even better.1. For some of the characters, it was hard to get a sense of character, such as King. These characters, in my opinion, either didn't show enough emotion to get them where you wanted them to be personality-wise, or kept flip-flopping. For example, King has gone from indifferent to overprotective to compassionate several times, all of which are completely separate personality traits. This makes it difficult to see the character as real, if they don't have a definite personality. Some of the characters, like Peanut and Pete, you've done a phenomenal job on, and some characters just haven't had enough story time, which is fine. I just think some of these characters need to be given a firmer grasp on their personalities.2. Punctuation and spelling could use a little work, but that's not a huge deal.3. You've gotten better about this as the story progressed, but don't switch point of view too quickly; you can often confuse a reader if you do this. You can often get all the information across from one point of view, anyways, so switching between characters becomes unnecessary.4. Finally, I wouldn't include any author's notes within the story itself. This can distract the reader, and ruin the flow of the story. As I said before, you can often get all the info you need to the reader from a point of view within the story, and often times the fun in reading comes from inferring what happened. You really haven't used many notes at all, I'm just giving the heads-up.

What I liked:-Your seamless inclusion of a new character into an already developed universe. Phenomenal work there.-Switching between thought and speech is often a difficult strategy to use, but you've used it well.-Great use of the characters in their own ways, although I wouldn't turn Peanut and Grape into shut-ins.

What I didn't like:-I don't think there was enough description of surroundings. This is key for helping the reader understand what's going on, and while total understanding isn't always needed or removed for the sake of suspense, if a reader has no idea where someone is (this wasn't always the case; neighborhood scenes were easy to follow), it's hard to pick up on what's happening.-I feel like you're going pretty fast. You've talked about several chapters, but you've already given a lot of plot development in this first chapter. I'm not saying that there's too much information in this chapter, but if you continue at this rate, you're liable to burn yourself out before you finish. Unless the story has already been completely or mostly planned out and just has that many levels of plot development and all-around awesomeness, which, in that case, disregard everything in this point.

So, yeah, like I said, I'm really enjoying this. Keep up the good work. If it seems like I'm ranting, I'm not; I just take writing very seriously, because I enjoy it so much, and I see a lot of potential and talent here, and I want to do my best to help. If you think I'm a giant windbag about anything I said, feel free to disagree (but PM me at least, so I can explain why I'm a giant windbag). That's pretty much it; I can't wait to keep reading.

Rating: 10/10 (In my opinion on the grounds that I have not read any other fanfictions to compare it to, but I loved the characters and plot so perfect score for me )How it can be improved: There are a few spelling and grammar errors here and there.What I liked: The method of character development and story telling.What I didn't like: I truly can't think of anything off the top of my head at the moment.

And there you have it, my one sided opinion on this Fanfic.

Edit: @ctcmjh: I thought Skylar was a hippy with a unicorn, well I have to agree with you in that case, it is a little creepy sounding.

The story is solid comrade, but spelling needs to be fixed up and you should have a designated update length for the story so its the same length every time, instead of small nits or giant parts.

Also you should have a beta read/editor to help you with this, someone to read over what you plan to post for the update. They will read over it and edit it fixing things they find wrong varying from grammar/spelling to sentence and paragraphing structure.

Thats all I have to say since everyone has already thrown in a lot of there own 2 cents.

P.S. I would love to be your beta/reader, since I already do that type of things for other people on a few other sites, espeshally FanFiction.net, where I help a few people I know with some stuff. Here is the link to my post on this if you want some more info. http://www.housepetscomic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=314

The story is solid comrade, but spelling needs to be fixed up and you should have a designated update length for the story so its the same length every time, instead of small nits or giant parts.

Also you should have a beta read/editor to help you with this, someone to read over what you plan to post for the update. They will read over it and edit it fixing things they find wrong varying from grammar/spelling to sentence and paragraphing structure.

Thats all I have to say since everyone has already thrown in a lot of there own 2 cents.

P.S. I would love to be your beta/reader, since I already do that type of things for other people on a few other sites, espeshally FanFiction.net, where I help a few people I know with some stuff. Here is the link to my post on this if you want some more info. http://www.housepetscomic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=314

I don't know if I can take you seriously with a spelling error like that.... Lol I'm Just kidding

That sounds like a good idea, I'd love to have you as a beta reader

Thanks for all the reviews and criticism guys, I'm going to take all your advice and make chapter 2 even better!

The story is solid comrade, but spelling needs to be fixed up and you should have a designated update length for the story so its the same length every time, instead of small nits or giant parts.

Also you should have a beta read/editor to help you with this, someone to read over what you plan to post for the update. They will read over it and edit it fixing things they find wrong varying from grammar/spelling to sentence and paragraphing structure.

Thats all I have to say since everyone has already thrown in a lot of there own 2 cents.

P.S. I would love to be your beta/reader, since I already do that type of things for other people on a few other sites, espeshally FanFiction.net, where I help a few people I know with some stuff. Here is the link to my post on this if you want some more info. http://www.housepetscomic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=314

I don't know if I can take you seriously with a spelling error like that.... Lol I'm Just kidding

That sounds like a good idea, I'd love to have you as a beta reader

Thanks for all the reviews and criticism guys, I'm going to take all your advice and make chapter 2 even better!

Thanks man. But only reason that I spelled those words wrong is because I was rushed. I'll give you my fax number later.

The story is solid comrade, but spelling needs to be fixed up and you should have a designated update length for the story so its the same length every time, instead of small nits or giant parts.

Also you should have a beta read/editor to help you with this, someone to read over what you plan to post for the update. They will read over it and edit it fixing things they find wrong varying from grammar/spelling to sentence and paragraphing structure.

Thats all I have to say since everyone has already thrown in a lot of there own 2 cents.

P.S. I would love to be your beta/reader, since I already do that type of things for other people on a few other sites, espeshally FanFiction.net, where I help a few people I know with some stuff. Here is the link to my post on this if you want some more info. http://www.housepetscomic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=314

I don't know if I can take you seriously with a spelling error like that.... Lol I'm Just kidding

That sounds like a good idea, I'd love to have you as a beta reader

Thanks for all the reviews and criticism guys, I'm going to take all your advice and make chapter 2 even better!

Thanks man. But only reason that I spelled those words wrong is because I was rushed. I'll give you my fax number later.

I tried to ignore it for as long as possible, but the sunlight streaming in through the window forced me to open my eyes to the new day. I slowly stretched, lying in bed trying to fully wake up. I couldn’t help but let my mind wonder as I recalled the events of the last month. It was hard to believe that it had nearly been a month since my return to this universe. It was mostly strange mainly because, as a pet, you don’t really track time like you would if you were a human. When you’re a pet you don’t have all those responsibilities; you don’t need to know what the date is, or what day it was. Being a pet was like being a little kid all over again, no responsibilities. The only reason I knew it had been nearly a month was from the news whenever King watched it. They always said the day and date.

Nearly a month... it had been almost a month since I had last seen my family. It has been a month for me but probably only a week or so for them, I wasn’t even sure. The whole universal time differences confused me. I sat up and rummaged through my backpack which I kept next to my bed, and pulled out my framed picture of my family. It was a lot nicer to have a picture then peering into the tiny sphere on my necklace. I hope they didn’t miss me too much, I know I missed them a lot but I had to do this. But it was well worth it.

I had gotten to know Sabrina really well over the past few weeks; she’s really starting to feel like my sister. After telling her I was her brother we were constantly hanging out together for about a week, and then we went back to our normal schedules. We still hung out every once in awhile, but she was always with Fido, who I learned was her boyfriend. I actually didn’t know animals dated outside their species, but I didn’t see the harm in it. So why not? Though they did try to keep it a secret from the other pets, I guess most pets didn’t approve of it.

“Morning,” King yawned, getting up and heading to the kitchen.

“Morning,” I called after him.

That was another thing that came into my mind, King. Our relationship had gotten a lot better then what it used to be. Before it seemed like he was constantly changing personalities, being a jerk then doing a 180 and being an overprotective parent. I think it was just him not knowing how to act around me, but I could always be wrong. He actually treats me like a normal person, er, pet, now. He no longer treats me like some little kitten, and the growth spurt I've gone through helped a lot with that. I am actually almost as tall as King now, and I think it bothered him that I was eventually going to be taller than him.

I finally decided to get up, putting the picture back in its place. I walked to the kitchen where my bowl of food waited for me along with my glass of orange juice. I took my seat across from Pete, who was reading the newspaper just like every morning. “Morning, Pete,” I said, digging into my meal.MMM, tuna flavor.

“Do you want to come to Fox’s with me? He said he got a new toy he wants to show us.” King was already finished eating.

I swallowed the food in my mouth before replying, “Sure.”

When I finished eating I grabbed my jacket from my bag, slipping it on. It was a simple black hooded jacket that I used when I was little; it was the perfect size for my cat self. I wish it would hurry up and start getting warmer, where's spring when you need it.

**************

King knocked on the front door.

“Coming,” Fox called from inside. A few moments later the door opened up, Fox walking out with a brand new Frisbee. “Hey guys, I’m glad you came. My dad got me a brand new Frisbee; I was hoping the both of you would want to break it in with me.” He held the Frisbee out for us to see.

“Sounds good to me,” King said.

“Yea, though I haven’t played with one in so long.” I couldn’t remember the last time I ever played with a Frisbee.

“Alright then, let’s go,” Fox ran around the house to his back yard, me and King following behind. “Catch, King,” Fox threw the disc to King, he caught it easily.

“Go long Shadow,” King said, indicating to me to start running.I took off running, hoping I could catch it for not playing in such a long time. As I turned my head to catch it, I saw that it was only a few feet away zooming in right at my face. Oh crap! I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the impact, but it never came. I opened my eyes and stopped running, the Frisbee was frozen in mid-air. What the heck? I looked over at King and Fox to see if they saw it too, but they were frozen as well. It’s like…time is frozen, but how?

********

The beginning of Chapter 2, I hope you enjoyed! I'd like to thank my beta reader's for proof reading and fixing my mistakes, thank you!

Anyways, interesting! Can't wait for more! Though no other comment really... just awesome!

Wait... I though you weren't allowed to see it?!? Neko, what happened?!?

LOL

Also, I forgot to mention I am going to try to make every update 750-1000 words. This update was around 900~words and I think it is a decent length so I'll be sticking to it. (there might be exemptions)

Joined: Mon May 24, 2010 2:14 pmPosts: 887Location: A few (hundred) miles north of NYC.

Re: A Whole New World

Neko Wrote:

DarkHeartsAndSuch Wrote:

ReCreate Wrote:

Hey guys, it was me. I paused time.

Anyways, interesting! Can't wait for more! Though no other comment really... just awesome!

Wait... I though you weren't allowed to see it?!? Neko, what happened?!?

LOL

Also, I forgot to mention I am going to try to make every update 750-1000 words. This update was around 900~words and I think it is a decent length so I'll be sticking to it. (there might be exemptions)

Yeah, about that 900 words or what ever, it didn't seem that long when I read through it. And I know I'll never get it that way in my story, if I ever felt like checking how many words went into each chapter. Except chapter 3. I sense this ones gonna be a long one... Really long.

_________________

Kuja Wrote:

"Why should the world exist without me? That wouldn't be fair. If I die, we all die!"

You defiantly improved it on the descriptions department. I got to admit, I really liked the way this one turned out, probably better then the ones beforehand to be honest.Hooray for Neko + BetaReaders!

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