yeah I know, he is one of those who's mind is too closed to reason with.

Trooper found this whole discussion very amusing in a "I can't believe there are people in this world who are still so judgmental sort of way" as I copied and pasted it to him last night. One of the few times he wished he could get on SLS from his work computer.

Sadly my standing Monday playdate didn't go off as planned as he was not feeling well. When I told Trooper that he told me I needed to find more SM's for my stable. lol

Louisville KY

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Pirategirl save you post to racer He doesn't get it and I doubt he ever will. He boost of 20 years in the lifestyle which doesn't mean much but if it does we've been in the lifestyle for 30 years. If you read any of his post on any topic on here you will see that only his way works. Most of the time we just skip over his post anyway .Having a open relationship isn't for everyone but it works great for us. We have been married for 39 years have enjoyed the lifestyle for much of that time so I would say based on that it does work. As far as dating other people as one of the posters posted thats not what we do if thats what they were thinking but not sure what that was about. Pirategirl you go and have fun like we do and let him rant and rave all he wants.

Vicksburg MS

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{cliche alert} Different strokes for different folks.

1. However the relationship is defined be it marriage, partnership or something else, the only opinions that matter belong to the individuals within the relationship. What works beautifully for some relationships .....would be unthinkable in others and would never work for them.

2. Mr Trooper's work brings him to Jackson sometimes, I had the pleasure of being his dinner date at a favorite restaurant ....great guy btw. I heard it straight from him, he's a happily married man, loves his wife PirateGirl. He is fully aware of and supportive of her having male friends in his absence. When he's home, he enjoys swinging with his wife and their friends. As long as he is ok with her friendships....no other opinions are relevant.

3. We met as singles, and continued to play separately for a while. As our relationship has evolved, we have adjusted the way that we do things....and will do so again if/when we feel the need to change anything. Right now, we are happy not playing separately and actually spend most of our rotating weekend time with each other. Though, We do our playmate "screening" a bit differently than others...in the end though, when we do play, we only play with those that we Both want to. As long as we're ok with it, no other opinions are relevant, at least not to me:)

Shelly

Memphis TN

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what I find somewhat amusing is I'm sure if I were Bi and we had a SF living here at the house, no one would bat an eyelash if we had sex 5 minutes after my husband walked out the door and every hour on the hour that he was gone.

Louisville KY

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Racer,

While I partially agree with you, I certainly wouldn't run out to get laid by someone else as soon as my husband left on a business trip, nor would I even entertain the thought to meet a SM, right after my husband returns from being gone for a bit. Certainly, you're not saying that your outlook applies to all.

Hubby and I went into the marriage having written our own vows, not to include anything that implies any inequality, and the emphasis on freedom for both was quite in your face. Loving someone, being in love with them, doesn't mean that you own and keep them. They're a partner, that shares life with you. And while swinging apart from your partner might not be for you, it isn't the case for all.

We're celebrating 24 years of very happy marriage next month. The last time that we fucked apart was in Hedo, in May, hubby indulged a bit, I enjoyed different things. It gives me enormous pleasure knowing that he fucked (fucks) other women. Does it enhance our sex life? No, but that's because we don't really need any enhancement, I know that you wouldn't believe it, but I swear, to this day and age, 28 years together (24 in marriage + 4 dating) I still get butterflies when I look at him. We are each others best friends, best lovers, who occasionally indulge in activities that we find arousing.

I ask that you re-consider...

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We haven't had quite the same experience as you KB, but a few weeks ago we were hoping to set up a time to get together with the husband of a couple we played with at a party. They live on the other side of the state and he will be nearby at a conference. Before making any firm plans, we asked him point blank if his wife was okay with it. Unfortunately, she wasn't, so that stopped everything immediately.

As someone else said, if at all possible we want to avoid enabling cheating behavior in others, at least as far as their interaction goes with us. If the S/O is okay with solo play, we let the good times roll! We aren't naive in thinking that every person who is cheating will automatically tell us the truth, but we do make the effort to find out what the arrangements are between them.

Sheboygan Falls WI

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I met with a "SM" here locally once....I thought he was nice......TIL he disclosed to me that he was actually married and his wifey had no knowledge of his activities. I knew then and there I absolutely could not enable that kind of behavior. It lacks integrity. Had he and his wife been in full disclosure and consent with either or both of them playing with or without one another, then it might have been an entirely different story. I won't speculate. To make matters worse, he KEPT trying to contact me, wanting to meet up again. I finally quit answering him, but he STILL persisted, but the frequency tapered down somewhat. Finally, my sweetie encouraged me to spell it out, since he obviously couldn't take a hint with 9 months of no replies!

Fair Oaks TX

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You don't know crap about my life Racer. I actually run two businesses, and have two young children. I have been playing with SM's solo for at least 6 years (basically since about 2 months into our swinging and half of our marriage) and it has done nothing but enhance my relationship with my own man.

He also can play while he is on the road, he never has (yet anyway) but we always disclose even the smallest flirtations.

Louisville KY

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Not sure if I (Mr.) should weigh in on this one, given our relative inexperience;), but I have to agree somewhat about "dating" in the lifestyle. No way would we ever consider it. This is a team sport, in our view, and while we've discovered the fun of separate room play at times, the idea of one of us actually having playmates completely away from the other seems like a recipe for trouble.

Having recently done our first MFM threesome, we both had a blast, me getting off watching Mrs. Tempe with a terrific guy and joining in, and her both enjoying a great fucking and seeing me so turned on I could hardly stand it. We do have a rule that should we do separate rooms, we share all the hot details. But it'd be a cold day in July when either of us gave the other a hall pass. That said, if it works for others, fine. But no way for us...

Tempe AZ

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I'm not going to completely disagree with you Racer, as I am sure expanding a swinging relationship to an open one *can* be a step towards the demise of a relationship (or an indication that it's well underway)....

... but to pass a blanket judgment that any way other than yours cannot work is just silly. The Mrs. has had a few solo dates, I haven't, but that's OK. At parties, we play together, and apart. So what?

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