Bitslap with KBC:
Playlist
from November 10, 2009

Back in 1979, I made the decision to accept Dr Demento as my personal savior. Since then, with the help of his apostles Spike, Al, Stan and Black-Eyed Susan Brown, I have made it my mission to spread the Gospel of the Firesign and the Word of the Waller. Please join me and my fellow seekers as we find the Wisdom we crave and the Rapture we deserve. A new sermon every Tuesday (and NO collection plate!).

[In all of the following notes, I’ve included the comments from the original FMU 365 Project Blog page. Some have been edited for the sake of brevity and all include credit to the original contributor. You’ll also find the date it was added, so you san see more and have access to more downloads - KBC]
[June 13, 2007]
This is one of the rare occasions when outsider music comes from a toy and cartoon character. Most of the early versions of this records I found had cracks clean through them, as if kids (or a parent) had jumped on them or thrown them against a wall after a listen.
I've listened to every Shortcake LP I've come across, and most have boring kids singing. The ones where Strawberry actually sings are horrible treasures of torture to be cherished. Here are 3 more shortcake classics for your pleasure. This come from the album: "Strawberry Shortcake Live" (1980) which is definitely the crown jewel LP of the strawberry patch and features the song "Celebration". "I Love You" (1981) and the cut "What The World Needs Now" and "Let's Dance With Strawberry Shortcake" (1983) - Featuring the sinister "I Was Born To Disco" by The Blueberry Chef [see below] - which sounds oddly similar to the vocalizations of Archbishop Jason Polland of The Nourishment. And who was behind the music? None other then Flo & Eddie! They produced 4 albums for Strawberry Shortcake (and the Care Bears).
Contributed by: B.C. Sterrett (The Lost Media Archive)

Swingers

BAY-HAY-BEE DOLL

[March 27, 2007]
Who do they call the Discotheque Queen?
Who moves around like a threshing machine?
Why, none other than the swingin’ Carnaby Street-wannabe who—despite what they call her—is apparently saddled with “Bay-Hay Bee Doll” for a name. That’s who. And if you’ve never heard of her, it’s because you’ve managed to avoid this insidious earwig . . . until now. This 45 is precisely the kind of song the term “earwig” was coined for—once it burrows into your skull, nothing short of a few hours in the deprivation chamber will scour it from your mind. [Sadly, very true, I couldn’t get rid of it for 3 days! – KBC]
“Bay-Hay Bee Doll” was a two-sided (JCP 100, vocal on the A side, instrumental on the flip) promotional 45, issued by JC Penney in 1966. That’s right, a year before The Monkees appeared decked out in Penney’s apparel on the cover of their second album, The Swingers were hawking another Penney’s product. My recollection was that the 45 was simply a freebie handed out in stores, to illustrate how swingin’ and mod the Penney’s shopping experience (and youth fashions) could be, and not linked to a specific product. It was packaged with a Carnaby Street-wannabe doll for which the 45 is titled. And that certainly makes the most sense. The whole notion of Penneys giving away anything, especially a “youth-oriented” record is pretty far-fetched. I mean, c’mon, look at the kids’ clothes from that era (look at that Monkees album cover, or take a flip through our family photo album, for some particularly hideous examples) to get a feel for the contempt the retail giant must’ve had for young people of the day. This record represents that contempt, made audible.
To Warren Parker, who is credited with the “words and music,” the most complimentary thing I can say about this record is that I’ve owned it since it was new. My older sister disliked it so thoroughly, she forced it on me as a punishment. It’s bouncy in the wooziest way, leaving you feeling sort of like you’ve been trying to maintain your balance on a shifting, heaving ship’s deck after too much grog. The lyrics bring together the anachronistic, ill-matched “threshing machine” and “discotheque queen,” delivered in an adenoidal falsetto that makes the lead vocal on the Castaways’ “Liar Liar” sound relaxed by comparison.
Flip it over for the instrumental rendition — “Yakety-Yak” sax; Harmonicats-reject harp-tootling; bleating TV variety show horn charts; perky, dippy chimes — this one’s got it all! Perfect for karaoke, lease-breaking parties, or torture sessions!
An online search recently turned up a few copies for sale, with asking prices ranging from a buck and a-half to around $40. Hear it here for free, and save your money. For some time in the deprivation chamber.
- Contributed by: James A. Gardner

Dollybeats

SINDY

[I should have presented these in reverse order. Sorry. For more info (and creepy pictures!) see http://www.sindydolly.com/articles.htm - KBC]

Pedigree Dolls

SINDY MEET THE DOLLYBEATS

[May 3, 2007]
Meet Sindy. She was created by British company Pedigree in 1963 to rival the success of Barbie from the US. In a few years all manner of spin-off products were created including Sindy's very own record sung by ficticious group The Dollybeats that hit the stores in 1966.
Sindy's boyfriend (introduced in 1964) was called Paul, thought to be based on Paul McCartney. So naturally The Dollybeats are based on the Fab Four being a four piece beat group from Liverpool and one of them is called Paul. We know this because the fake biogs of the group members on the back of the sleeve tell us so. It also reveals that singer Cliff Warwick's ambition was to be a film director, bassist Paul May is a good cook and 'wants to own a restaurant one day', while most perversely we learn that lead guitarist Terry Coombes 'designs and supervises' all the group's outfits which sounds unlikely and just a tad camp.
The sleeve text also reveals how The Dollybeats got together. Group leader Cliff was an art student who formed the band in order to play at their Student Ball when the College couldn't afford to book any of the other big groups. This led to a gig at a coffee bar where a talent scout heard them and 'signed them up there and then' to do a tour with 'a big group' and they haven't looked back since.
But before we hear the Dollybeats sing their ode to Sindy we have to endure a special story that reveals how Sindy's own song came to be made. On the plus side this story is peppered with some small bursts of groovy beat music, on the negative side it's narrated by an irritating over-zealous narrator who sounds like he spent his life as an announcer on the BBC's Light Programme and is terrible at doing a scouse accent.
The 'Sindy' song is a splendid slice of sixties beat featuring some ferocious Farfisa organ and ubiquitous super-squeaky go-go backing vocals. The lyrics are a bit lame but there's a nice reference to her being better than 'Jane or Mary Anne' which sounds like a sheilded reference to pot. Sadly no real writers or musicians are credited so it's not known who the real geniuses behind this disc were. To cover themselves legally Pedigree end the sleeve text with the mundane message: 'The name of the group and the names of the members are fictitious and if any person considers he has been defamed by the use of his name then the supposed defamation is entirely unintentional.'.
- Contributed by: David Noades

Bent Bolt & the Nuts

MECHANICAL MAN

[Jan 3, 2007]
Some of you reading this will already be familiar with this beauty as it makes an appearance on playlists of the weird and wonky variety quite regularly. It was most famously included in Kenny Everett's 'World's Worst Records Show(s)' where it eventually recieved the 'distinction' of a number 17 placing. It was also featured on Dr Demento shows but I'd like to redress the balance a bit because this is a slice of automated audio genius to my ear.
Bent Bolt was actually a pseudonym for Teddy Randazzo who died in 2003 but was a 50's rock icon who co-wrote over 800 songs that were covered by such luminaries as Frank Sinatra and Dionne Warwick. Jonathan More, one half of Coldcut, introduced this to me in the mid nineties when he used to cheekily drop it into his club sets and watch the amazement of the crowd as the tune unfolded. People try to dance to this but it has more clunk than funk and I love the way he's trying to immitate some sort of vocoder without actually using one, must have hurt his throat. My favourite bit is near the end when the whole thing shifts up an octave as he sings "I can pour you a cup of teeeeeaaaa!" — so wrong it's right
- Contributed by: Strictly Kev

Music behind DJ:Happy Monsters

CLAP YOUR TENTACLES

Monsters [February 17, 2007]
This record intrigued me from the moment I heard it used as an intro to a mix by DJ and producer Mark Pritchard (also known as Harmonic 33) ‘Happy Monsters’ is split into two parts. Side A is a children’s story: Bobby and Betty’s adventures in the land of Oooog. The most interesting parts are when the monsters talk to the children, producing some top musique concrète sounds as well as horrible klaxons and squeaks.
Despite the possible samples, it’s Side B that really attracts. There are cover versions of the classic tunes [this one skewers “Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag’ – KBC]. Papa has become Clap your tentacles and in my opinion is the best thing about this record. A faithful cover version of the Godfather himself, nice and raw with decent production. However, the Happy Monsters appear to be on lead vocals: Klaxons, bells, squeaks and parps are strewn all over the top of the final mix, making the whole thing rather comical. The same technique has been applied to the same version of the track on Bobby and Betty Go to the Moon (another release on the Happy House label) but with spacey sounds instead. The actors on Side A are the same as on Bobby and Betty.
With a little bit of research, mainly from the excellent Vinyl Vulture forum, we find that the music on this record comes from The Soul Symphony’s Symphony of Soul LP on the Stereo Gold label. The musicians who added the crazy extras on Happy Monsters thankfully remain anonymous. Stereo Gold was the brainchild of Leo Muller (also known as David Miller), an easy listening entrepreneur. He formed a company called Damil in the early 70s and it was this company that was behind Happy House records.
It seems that Leo Muller was a bit of a scammer, a fact reinforced by the same tracks featuring on two different children’s records and these tracks having been taken from an earlier release. I wonder what the outcome might have been if Happy House had put a bit more effort into writing some original pieces in line with the Happy Monsters theme. Actually, let’s not dwell on that too long – it would probably have been horrible. At least we have Papa’s got a brand new tentacle as Otis put it.
- Contributed by: Tom Miller

Dirty Duck

DON'T BOGART THAT JOINT

[WFMU ‘On the Downloads’ page]
Note: We tracked down the Dirty Duck in a South Bronx tavern. After two hours of listening to incomprehensible slurring he agreed to let us host this recording (taped live on July 30, 2000 on The Stork Club) in exchange for bathing his grotesque moulting plumage. His words are taken from a microcassette recording (we edited out long periods of silence, mumbling and quacking): "I was in New York mixing with Fred Durst and met this Stork character at the Hustler club on the West Side. He was kind enough to pull my head out of the toilet, clean me up, and offered to 'bring the career back' on his WFMU show so I went and cut a session. I hadn't been in that dump Jersey City since 1982. I couldn't wait to get out of that place. He wasn't happy with the amount of songs and said I had promised more so, I did the shortest one I could think of, "Stab Your Back" by the Damned. If he didn't like it then he can f*** off. I also wound being invited to play dirty records on the station's "blue" show that ran on the net only and you can hear them here. I don't remember much else about the whole FMU experience, sorry. I remember having a romp with that Bronwyn broad, I think she took me to Curacao too, but again, it's a haze. Send a check for these songs, thanks." - The Dirty Duck
- Notes by Brian Turner (from WFMU’s “On the Download” pages)

Gypsy Boots

LEARN TO BE A DRINKER

Feb 25, 2007]
[The Blog has no info on this guy, so I’ll tell you that he was one of those early natural foods advocates who made appearances on TV etc, ala Jack LaLanne. For more on him see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gypsy_Boots - KBC]

Jerry Colonna

HEY BARMAID

October 2, 2007]
[Jerry needs no introduction. You can find several tracks for download from the album “Music for Screaming” – KBC]
- Contributed by Evil Pain Clown

Dean Millan

I CAN'T EXPLAIN

WTF?

Dean Milan

SHADOOBIE

[I really tried to dig this guy up. I hope that when my time comes to hide, I can do it as well as this guy did. I did find this totally incongruous little snippet on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ms712XiPYGg – give it a miinute – KBC]

Jim Dandy and the Sugar Beats

FROM DUST TO DUST

[April 25, 2007]
This was the first truly odd record I ever bought back in 1981. I found it in a pile of singles gathering dust in a dubious shop in my home town (Watford, Herts, famous for George Michael, Geri Halliwell, Gene lead singer Martin Rossiter and Elton John's football team!). The shop mainly dealt in porn mags and 'marital aids' but begrudgingly also sold old paperback books and records. It struck me as a suitably seedy home for such a strange disc. I bought it hoping that it might be a rare southern soul effort but I kind of knew it probably wouldn't be. However I was not to be disappointed because it was in a category all of its own with a special kind of magic as you'll hear...
Jim Dandy seems to be a pseudonym for singer/songwriter Richard Wisniewski who was based in the Saginaw, Michigan area in the early 1970s. The A-side credits Jim Dandy and The Sugar Beats 'From Sugar-Beet Country' while the B-side also credits the intriguingly-named Patsy's Pickle Patch Coir. The label credits the publisher as Dialtone music (BMI).
After years of searching I have also discovered two other equally odd Jim Dandy singles, namely: Hot Pants/Move It Around (1972) and She's Tuff/Bring Us Together (1973) all on the Dadjo label. The writer and producer on all three records is credited as Richard Wisniewski and so I am guessing/assuming that he is Jim Dandy. If anyone knows of any other singles or albums by Jim Dandy (or other records on this little label), or has any information about the band and/or Richard Wisniewski, I would be very interested to know.
My tongue-in-ceek review of this undiscovered classic appeared in Record Collector magazine last year in the 'Digging For Gold' section. Here's what I said:
Jim Dandy and The Sugar Beats 'From Dust To Dust' / 'Warm Up' (Dadjo 5572, 1972).
With absolutely no connection with the lead singer of country rockers Black Oak Arkansas or the LaVerne Baker R&B classic came this mysterious single from Jim Dandy and his band The Sugar Beats - "from sugar beet country"- or Saginaw, Michigan to be precise. This highly obscure record is so much a private pressing that very few people knew of its existence, and even the ones who recorded it are in denial! Both songs have a deliciously dubious home-made quality about them, evocative of not so much a field recording as a swamp. The A-side is not an ad for Hoovers as you might think but uses the old Christian burial idiom as a moral look at life and death. "What are we made of, people are asking, we live our lives from dust to dust" creepy Jim oozes with an awkward and shaky vocal delivery, not helped by the staccato rhythms of the verses and the over-use of the word dust. "We eat the same bread, we are each other" he continues offering perhaps a bit too much information.
But you can only smile when you hear the chorus which ends in a clumsy, but obvious rip off of Billy Preston's organ coda from The Fab Four's 'Let It Be'. However any comparison with The Beatles is soon forgotten once the truly bonkers fairground-style organ solo kicks in which is in complete contrast to the somber mood of the rest of the song. Drowned in reverb and tape delay, and with more bum notes than a colitis sufferer, this uniquely unpleasant keyboard sounds like it was once entered in a piano smashing contest - and lost!
Whether it is Jim himself at the keys or one of the ironically sour-sounding Sugar Beats isn't known, but in combination with the ludicrously overlabored drum fills and Phil Spector-esque harmony backing (courtesy of the wonderfully-named Patsy's Pickle Patch Choir) it all adds to the unintentional comic effect.
- Contributed by: David Noades

Hisao Shinigawa

MORE MONEY, MORE WAR

[June 19, 2007]
People who live in Southern California may be familiar with Hisao Shinagawa. He's a street performer who regularly plays at the Hollywood Farmer's Market, and has a long, grey beard. He performs solo, strumming a guitar, and singing his heart out. It would be safe to assume that he's been playing like that during his entire "career" as a musician, but I've unearthed some evidence that reveals an interesting chapter in his two or three decades performing music.
In 1984, Hisao Shinagawa walked into a recording studio to record a full-blown version of one of his formerly acoustic-only songs, called "More Money, More War". Similar to Wild Man Fischer, another far-more famous street performer, the song at first listen sounds like a novelty song, and without doubt, that's what it was pushed as. There was even a very-cheaply produced video for it, which aired at least once on MTV. Looking at the (very silly) video, it's hard to tell whether or not Hisao is in on the joke or not; whether he knows his song sounds like a novelty tune, or whether he's serious about singing some twisted anthem that calls for a war to generate money during the height of Reaganomics.
I suspect the person who orchestrated this song's major label release was none other than "Weird Al" Yankovic. With a hit single out ("Eat It"), I'm sure his record label, Rock 'n' Roll (of which Scotti Bros. was a division of), would have been willing to let Hisao into the studio and cut at least one single for release.
So enjoy this very danceable and catchy tune by Hisao Shinagawa. It seems nobody who knows him knows about this song either, and looking at his website (where a mislabeled MP3 of this song running at a speed that's a bit too slow is available for download, admittedly), there doesn't seem to be any mention of it or any photos from that era. Nevertheless, give it a listen, since when was the last time you heard some "Japanese reggae"? (as Weird Al calls it)
The cover photo was taken from Hisao's MySpace (Who doesn't have one these days?) It's the only picture I could find that seems to be from the era this song came out, but that "Barefoot Records" logo and catalog number mystifies me. Perhaps it was released first on this independent label? An international release? Was it the first release on Hisao's own label, since the catalogue number is "1001"? Who knows?
I dug the video out for More Money, More War and posted it on YouTube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMePPSyQJuE
- Contributed by: The Swill Man

Troy Cori

RINKY ROO RAH

[April 22, 2007]
…From the sublime to the ridiculous, next we have Troy Cori, who seems to have made at least a brief career of sorts out of sounding like Bing Crosby. "Rinky Roo Rah" and "Tender Are the Ties" came out on the "Bingo" label. In case anyone missed the point, some previous owner of this single has helpfully written "Sounds Like Crosby" on the record label.
- Contributed by Bob Purse

Charlie Solak

BRUCE 41

[March 5, 2007]
Charlie Solak was no doubt the most prolific musician on mp3.com. At one point I counted over 700 songs on his primary artist page alone, not to mention those posted under his numerous other pseudonyms. Most of his songs feature Charlie solo on piano, singing lugubriously through some sort of effects box, although he occasionally dabbled in electronic freak-outs like "Rave Launch Now Greed". His music sounds very off-the-cuff and unstructured, like a more langorous version of Van Morrison's "Contractual Obligation" album, and concerns itself with topics such as police brutality ("Bruce 41", an answer song to Bruce Springsteen's "41 Shots") and why Jesus is better than science ("Einstein, Darwin Memories of Dark Ages", which ends because Charlie has to answer the phone).
- Contributed by: Stark Effect

Music behind DJ:Helen and Dick Bouchard

SPANICH FLEA IN TWEEKERTOWN

Bouchard [April 10, 2007]
This LP is mostly notable for "Nobody Wears A Frown In Tweekertown," a theme song for "the soon to be released TV cartoon series - Tweekertown." Anybody ever heard of this show? As far as I can tell, it never got off the ground. I think the concept has lots of potential, though! So if there's any aspiring animators out there who want to make a pilot, here's a great theme song all ready to go! Also included is the more introspective "At The End Of The Rainbow Is Tweekertown." The rest of the record is made up of cover tunes. I've included their version of "Spanish Flea" for good measure.
- Contributed by: Pea Hix

National Fuel Gas Dist Corp

RAPPIN WITH GAS

[January 12, 2007]
First heard this song on the DJ Shadow and Cut Chemist album "Product Placement". It's about gas and some serious microphone action! I can't help but wonder where these kids are now. [the picture will scare you – KBC]
- Contributed by: Otis Fodder

Yvonna Prenosilova

THAT'S ALL YOU GOTTA DO

[September 18, 2007]
… Side 2 is a rockin number sung by Yvonna Prenosilova, who sounds alot like Wanda Jackson, backed up by the Big Beatova band once again.
- Contributed by: Evil Pain Clown

[This did not come from the 365 Project. I don’t know where it came from. Only after I finalized this show did I realize this is not the one that contained a snippet from the next song. Enjoy anyway. – KBC]

B B Gabor

SOVIET JEWELLERY

[October 9, 2007]
… Next I have Toronto new wave artist BB GABOR, he passed away some time ago, but left us with some great cold war music. Recorded in 1979, on the defunct Canadian label Anthem records. If you are ever in Toronto you can find his album in the 99 cent bins. Soviet jewellery was actually a top 10 hit in Toronto, a nice cold war propaganda new wave song! the b-side is my favorite.. MOSCOW DRUG CLUB, a "traditional Russian sounding song" with cold war "comical" lyrics.
- Contributor Evil Pain Clown

MSR Singers

CHRISTMAS EVENTS

Singers [December 24, 2007]
[From the MSR Xmas record that, believe me, you never want to hear (and this was one of the better ones!). This song was blamed on Joseph Pullum, who mailed in his poem for a chance at musical immortality. They say those who don’t learn from the mistakes of history are doomed to repeat them – KBC]

Joe Goldstein

THIS IS A SITUATION

[November 6, 2007]
I confess I know nothing about this singer but I was impressed by his dry delivery and unusual choice of instrumentation, eg the Hawaiian-style guitar and accordian on One More Time and the one-man-band style kazoo and banjo on This Is A Situation. I don't know if Joe is a comedian or an actor but these four, presumably self-penned, songs have a comic ring about them that suggests comedy performer rather than a straight singer. If anyone knows more about the mysterious Mr Goldstein then I'd love to know.
This privately pressed EP is dated 1974, having been signed by Joe, presumably at a gig or public appearance.
- Contributed by: David Noades

Craif Donaldson

I BELIEVE HE'S GONNA DRIVE THAT RIG TO GLORY

[November 6, 2007]
I confess I know nothing about this singer but I was impressed by his dry delivery and unusual choice of instrumentation, eg the Hawaiian-style guitar and accordian on One More Time and the one-man-band style kazoo and banjo on This Is A Situation. I don't know if Joe is a comedian or an actor but these four, presumably self-penned, songs have a comic ring about them that suggests comedy performer rather than a straight singer. If anyone knows more about the mysterious Mr Goldstein then I'd love to know.
This privately pressed EP is dated 1974, having been signed by Joe, presumably at a gig or public appearance.
- Contributed by: David Noades

Music behind DJ:Lowney's Chocolates

BY-CRACKY BEAT

Chocolates [January 5, 2007]
I picked up this gem about a decade ago in Montreal, in a used record store where I worked at the time. I fell in love with its nonsensical, fun filled sounds, and immediately put it to good use as a theme song for a campus radio show I had at the time, hoping someone would hear it and give me more information about it. Sadly enough, it never raised an eyebrow from my listeners, and after a few months I took on another theme song and only took out the By Cracky for special occasions. For the past decade The By Cracky Beat remained a mystery, until recently when I stumbled upon this site. It appears By Cracky was the name of a chocolate bar from chocolate makers “Lowneys”, and this was their scorcher of a promo record! This however, does not explain the just as charming but not so chocolaty B-Side, “Gikki Gong”. I can’t help but wonder how the brand could have become obsolete, what with having the catchiest promo song this side of Willy Wonka town.
One of my favorite 45s!
- Contributed by: Mimi la Twisteuse

Pee Wee King

RED DECK OF CARDS

[October 9, 2007]
… Then we have PEE-WEE KING, a western swing 78 on RCA, "THE RED DECK OF CARDS", pure cold war propaganda music, it is a take on DECK OF CARDS, which was a country hit at the time, enjoy!
- Contributed by Evil Pain Clown
[Pee Wee was a classic. You can find several pages on him at the WFMU Blog – KBC]

Freddie Blassie

NO DOUBT ABOUT IT

[September 1, 2007]
Dear Geek or Geekette,
It's about time you listened to this record, you grit-eatin idiot. You are looking at the greatest single achievement in the history of the human race. This record features the actual physical image of the Great one, the king of men, Fred Blassie, immortalized for all time on a hunk of cheap wax. Not to mention the most memorable, heartwarming and beloved music and prose ever captured in the recording studio.
Now you can sit there, in the privacy of your own dump, with yer beer gut hanging out and that blemish-ridden pot-of-oil you call an old lady, and the two of you can slop around for hours on end staring at my gorgeous likeness on the album jacket, while you listen to my golden pipes crooning away.
Sometimes it's tough to be as great as I am. When I was born that geek doctor was so taken with my beautiful voice that he kept on slappin' my butt just to hear a few more notes. I finally had to bite off one of his fingers.
And a word of advise for all you punk rock pinheads, new wave nitwits, and heavy metal meatballs trying to make a career out of imitating the great Fred Blassie, you've been sitting aroun' staring at that rotten MTV so long your brains have leaked out and now you think you can come aroun' here and stink up my wrestling arena. just remember,you can scream, punch, puke and pogo till your ass falls off, but you'll never be Blassie. Until next time good night, good luck and Good Riddance.
- Freddy Blassie
- Contributed by the ToD
Produced by Johnny Legend
[See Freddie match wits with the late Andy Kaufman: http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2009/07/the-kaufmans-dead-long-live-andy.html - KBC]