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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Counting it down to Runaway Groom : Seven Small Town Truths

Life is simple in a small town. There are some things that
we understand, though, that perhaps aren’t universal.

7. The carpet rolls up at nine.

No, seriously, like EVERYTHING is closed at about nine pm. I
remember when we first moved out to Ashtabula county, Ohio, my older brother
and I went out into the street and laid right down on the middle line of Main
Street. NOTHING HIT US. There weren’t any cars. Then again, it was ten pm, so…

6. The restaurants are all PACKED at noon on Sunday.

Whether it is the bar crowd from Saturday night who just
woke up and are looking for some nice greasy eggs or the church folks who just got
out and are looking for lunch, the food places? PACKED at noon of a Sunday.

5. Tractors driving through the middle of town aren’t
surprising.

How else were they supposed to get gas before heading back
out to plow hay?

4. Those kids having dinner in the bar aren’t surprising
either.

What? It’s not nine pm yet, so folks are out getting a bite
of dinner. Everyone knows the bar serves dinner until nine and then they turn
the lights down for those out having a drink.

3. No, there isn’t a credit card machine. And what the hell
is Paypal?

But you can run over to the ATM and get some money out and
come back and pay your bill. It’s ok. We’ll wait. *stares*

2. Really good coffee means Maxwell House.

Espresso say whaaaaaat? Nope, no Starbucks here. What do you
mean you pay five dollars for a cup of coffee?!?! Son, if you’re willing to do
that, I have a real nice bridge to sell you.

1. We take care of our own.

Folks around here? They make sure no one is left behind and
we know all about the mistakes you made. Don’t you worry, though. No one will
rile you about them…except us.