Friday, September 13, 2013

My experience with homelessness

Never in my life did I expect to welcome a homeless man into
my home to temporarily live with my family, but here we are.

For purposes of this blog, I’m going to call this man Jester
because he’s a bit of a goofball. In the short time Jester has been with us, he has
taught me a lot. First let me make a clarification, because I know you are
wondering why we would make this kind of a choice.

Jester is a long-time friend of my husband’s. They had
fallen out of touch years ago and had reconnected via my Facebook account a few years ago. Even though I had heard about him a lot in the past 16 years
that my husband and I have been together, I had never met Jester until he
moved in with us.

We got a call one night from him asking for help, and within
an hour he was in our home. While Titan was out picking him up, I was hurriedly
getting the kids into bed and prepping the house for his arrival, making sure
there were clean sheets for him on our hide-a-bed, and that there was tea ready
for all of us when they walked in the door. I knew it was going to be a long
night of chatting, and I was right.

I was overwhelmed with his stories of the things he had been
through, including a very recent and sudden separation from his wife. It was
all so heartbreaking and surreal.

Growing up as a cop’s
daughter, a healthy distrust is part of my nature. I often think of things with
the filter of safety and security, and I obviously had concerns about whether or not I could
trust this man to be with me and the boys while Titan was at work. Since Titan
had zero worries, I knew we would be okay. Since then I have been working to systematically
let go of my automatic mama bear reflex around him, and I feel like I’ve kept an open mind and have actually gotten to know him pretty well. He's a very nice guy and I can totally understand why he and my husband are friends.

When you look at him, you can see that life has been hard.
When you hear his story, you can’t help but feel sorry for his experiences. I often
find myself thinking about how I have reacted to homeless people in the past…with
a very healthy dose of skepticism. Are their stories legitimate or are they
fabricated to make you feel sorry for them? Are they trying to manipulate? Do
they have good intentions? I will admit that all of those thoughts have crossed
my mind in regard to Jester.

What I have found is that the boys absolutely love him. They
ask if he will be home when they get back from school or when they wake
up. One day when Monkey was getting off
the bus, before I could even say “hi” to him, he asked me if Jester was here.
When I said “yes” he was visibly relieved and excited to run into the house to
find him. Seeing their pure love for him is really something, and I know it is having a positive impact on Jester.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and
that even if you have bad experiences, those experiences will teach you
something you need to know for later down the line. In other words, God has a plan, even if you don’t agree
with it or understand it at the time. I can't help but feel this way for Jester and have shared that with him. As a Christian man, he also believes it to be true. And, even though it is adding financial strain to our lives to have him here, I am happy with our decision and have faith that God has a plan for us in this situation as well.

Since Jester moved in, we have been helping him connect
with resources, including things for veterans and for his old hobby and sport,
karate. What we are finding is that some people really do have huge hearts. Jester
is using his former black belt status to get him back into training, and he is being allowed to help teach classes at the dojo where Monkey takes
karate. As it turns out, both Jester and Monkey's karate teacher studied at the same place when
they were younger, so it’s a great fit. God has a way of working things out!

Jester’s
heart has been so lifted since we helped him make this particular connection,
and he is thrilled to be doing something that he loves and that is so positive
for not only him, but for others as well. It’s also been great for Monkey,
because he gets to practice with Jester here at the house. Jester is eager to learn about autism and how to work with Monkey, and Monkey has made great strides with his technique in just the past few days. I think it will be
a growth opportunity for both of them and they will learn a lot from each other.

I have no idea how long Jester will be with us, but we are
taking it one day at a time. Jester has singlehandedly challenged all of my
preconceived notions about homelessness. And, because some of the things he has gone through hit a bit close to home, he has also helped me realize how
close we all can be to that kind of a situation. It really can happen to anyone. My perspective has grown and
my boys seem to be enriched by the experience of having him here.

Who knew that
the arrival of a homeless man to my door would turn out to be a blessing in
disguise?

3 comments:

I wish you a blessing on you and your house! What a marvelous turn of events. I wonder if Monkey needed a new non-parental grownup in his home life. Sounds like it's good for you all so far. May it ever be so.

I've recently been homeless myself with nobody, not even community resouces to help. In Oregon, if you hace a special needs child you cant stay in the shelters because you may disturb the others there, womens shelters were full and i have no close friends or family since autism walked into our life. We had to live in a dingy motel and often had to choose food or shelter for the day because its pricy. I have learned since that some people really do just have a crazy life and to not be so skeptical because Ive een there and wish there was someone that would have helped Me.

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Who is CAM, anyway?

I’m trying to be a Super Mom, minus the cape. My weapons of choice are a cup of piping hot coffee and my trusty, well-worn laptop. I’m doing my best to keep my head above water as a stay at home mom of 2 boys with autism, sensory processing disorder, and multiple food allergies. My little dudes, Monkey and Prince Charming (a.k.a. Grumpy Badger on a bad day), are awesome and challenging. My hubby, Titan, keeps me laughing, which is critical to my survival! In my spare time (what spare time?), I run a support group and nonprofit organization for families that have children with special needs. One thing is certain: everything in my life is a work in progress and the work is NEVER done.

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