24 June 2012

Return to the Blue Lagoon: The Awakening

Be warned, this is not my typical post. I am not reviewing a book or a movie. Instead, I am reviewing the traffic that my Blue Lagoon: The Awakening review has received, and the search threads that have lead to said traffic. The same is true for my sister's review. Clearly, this film has touched the lives of many, leaving the majority of viewers with unanswered questions. Many, many questions. Disturbing questions.

Please allow me to address each of these questions for you those of you still scratching your heads over a week later.

Onward to the search keywords!#1 Search of All Time*:*meaning since January 2012 when I started this blog
According to my stats, the top search thread connecting readers to my blog, as of today, is "blue lagoon the awakening sex scene" (or some variation thereof). Now technically not a question, but it certainly prompts one from me as there were multiple sex scenes in this Lifetime made-for-television event...People, WHY are you searching for this? They didn't show anything you can't see on your usual prime-time network television show; the sequences were short and unremarkable (That's what she said!); and their importance to the plot was nearly indiscernible. Basically, they needed the scenes to keep the parallels going between the other two Blue Lagoon films. Of course, they failed to recognize that they already broke from the tradition by having them arrive on the island as contemporary teenagers and not as malleable toddlers. Seriously. They could have just as easily named this film Stranded or Panther Blood Island.

The Next Big Thing/Search:
Now this is one I can only hope someone will answer for me...there is an impressive number of people (and I'm willing to bet they are teen girls ages 12-17) searching for "deleted scenes from blue lagoon the awakening." In my review, I theorized that there were deleted scenes from the post-island adventures in which questions were answered regarding whether or not Emma was impregnated on her trip to the Panther Blood Island of Love. In fact, I might have insinuated that she had an abortion, thus explaining the cold attitude Dean has towards her during the "back to reality" montage.

While there is no evidence of deleted scenes that I could come across (granted, I have not searched even the slightest for said evidence), I have no doubt that some of you are writing fan-fiction about this very topic right now. If I might put my two cents in, I hope that fan-fic includes not only an abortion but a scene where Emma and Dean break the news about their unwanted island baby to their parents. Dean's dad will want to keep the baby if it's a girl and teach her to play soccer. Emma's parents want her to abort the baby so she can go to Princeton. Guess who wins? Denise Richards...and nobody.

Three!:
This one may just be my favorite: "blue lagoon the awakening pisses me off." To those of you typing this into Google, I'd love to see what else you've got in your browser history. For real. Hit me up with that info. Please.

Search Four It:
Time for the million dollar question...and this one is actually posed as a question: "do they have a baby in blue lagoon the awakening?" Well, if you saw the movie, you know the answer is "No, they do not have a baby." But then again, has enough time actually passed by the time the movie ends for a baby to have been gestated and born. If you know anything about human reproduction (which may not be the case depending on the age/school district/science level of the person punching this question into the old Google machine), you know it takes forty weeks from conception to grow a full-term baby. Forty also happens to be the standard number of weeks in the U.S. school year. Sooooo. If we consider the fact that the kids start out for Trinidad in the middle of the school year traveling at 60 miles per hour, and a baby bump in a prom dress is traveling in the opposite direction at 40 weeks per mile, how many college applications does Emma need to submit? Doesn't matter. She's still not getting into Princeton.

Now, I suppose the question really being asked here (and is also listed among the search keywords in my blog stats) is "does Emma get pregnant?" Considering they bring up the possibility of her island vomit scene as being caused by either A) bad fish or B) Happy Fun-Time with Little Dean and then quickly forget that she ever vomited in the first place, I'm going to go out on a limb and say her character was not pregnant at any point. Perhaps they cut a scene further explaining her pregnancy/non-pregnancy status but needed to make more room for the "running with panther" slow-motion sequence. But does it really matter? They go to prom together in the end. In some cultures that creates a bond greater than giving birth to a child could ever dream of replicating.

High Five!:
I lied before. This one is my favorite: "i got sand in some weird places." There isn't even a reference to the Blue Lagoon. So this may not even be a search relating to this fine piece of filmmaking. To those of you searching for this (and I hope you're among the folks writing about the movie pissing you off), please tell me that you've managed to get the sand out of those weird places by now. It's been a week. That can't be pleasant.

Six (Yep...still going here):
And then there was "song from prom scene blue lagoon the awakening." Much like the deleted scene search request, I have no interest in tracking down the real answer for this question. So I shall tell you instead that the song played during the prom scene was Carly Rae Jepsen's Call Me Maybe. Yep. Totally the answer you were looking for. You're welcome.

Last One (...I swear!):
Perhaps this one is related to the deleted scene search, but someone out there really wants to know more about "the scene where dean kills his mother in blue lagoon the awakening." As I quoted Emma in my review, Dean does not kill his mother...Soccer kills his mother. Get it straight.

Well, I hope that I've managed to clear up some things for those of you still searching for answers. And if you still have lingering questions, please don't hesitate to post them below. I will try to answer them to the best of my ability.

God speed and always remember to bring a ziploc bag with a back-up bikini.

u must not have a single romantic bone in ur body because Blue Lagoon: The Awakening is an epic love story. the best I've seen so far. and there should of been a pregnancy, a wedding and NO ABORTION. and emma could still go 2 Princeton. and u're wrong. the sex scenes were amazing: beautiful and sexy. and word of advice if the movie pisses u off so much, y waste time on it? and soccer didn't kill Dean's mom. STAR WARS DID!

oh, and the reason Dean was giving Emma the cold shoulder had nothing 2 do with an abortion (which would of been a TERRIBLE plot twist, btw). it was because she was being a bitch 2 him, rejecting him and stuff.

i've always preferred a good comedy over romance...which is probably why my favorite romances are the likes of "when harry met sally" (rest in peace, nora ephron) and "spaceball" (speaking of "star wars"). but if you're a fan of romances like this one, that's cool. enjoy.

I'm Confused. In Your Other Review, You Said You Wished The Ending Would Have Included Teen Pregnancy And A Shotgun Wedding. But On This One, You Say You Wish There Had Been An Abortion. So, Which Is It?

honestly, any ending would have been better than the dancing in the rain at the prom conclusion they gave us. some acknowledgement (and consequence) for the extensive unprotected sex in particular. if they had followed with the standard "blue lagoon" formula, there would have been a baby, and it would have been born on the island. they wouldn't have been rescued until the baby was a toddler. that's really how it should have ended. and then, emma could have tried to balance princeton AND raising a toddler.

I think the "having a baby on the island" scenario only works for the couples who grew up on the island. But not for Dean and Emma. I think she should have just gotten knocked up on the island and then get rescued and give birth where they have epidurals.

Ok, listen up nothing killed deans mom it was just a fucking car accident people, not star wars or soccer! And why the hell was she not pregnant I meAn I love a good sexual romance, who doesn't! But if they shouldn't have made frickin 2 movies if the weren't like the original, I don't care if she didn't get pregnant, but the fact that they made signs as if she were pregnant, and then she wasn't ok whatever it's alright but then they don't fucking tell us if she really was making her have signs! WTF WTH why does this end like this!? Never says if she FOR SURE is pregnant or not. Then we all supose she's not. And then they dont even fucking explain why she was pregnant in the first place! WTH. Ok I'm done here. Fucking directors. (and did I mention it wasn't the fish that made her sick, they both had the fish, and dean didn't get sick)

you need to realize that this movie is a modern version of the blue lagoon. so, you can't expect it to be just like the old movie. personally, i much prefer the new plot: two teenagers get stranded for only 3 months but then get rescued.

I disagree. I'm glad they didn't follow with the standard Blue Lagoon formula. I personally don't like the plot of the original: two kids who grow up on a deserted island as oblivious savages who end up having sex as pre-adolescents who are cousins (barf!) and the girl gives birth on the hellish island alone with no doctors. The perfect ending for me would be just the way it was, except she shouldn't have been so mean to him post rescue and also she should have told him that she's pregnant. Then, they can get married and have their baby and live happily ever after.