Actor Neil Patrick Harris is planning to shave off his eyebrows ahead of his Broadway return in Hedwig And The Angry Inch next year (14) to save time in the make-up chair as he transforms into a transgender German rock star. The Smurfs star will don drag to lead the cast in the revival of the cult show, which is based on John Cameron Mitchell's book of the same name, but he had no idea how much preparation the role would entail.
Harris, who will soon start learning how to walk in high heels for the part, tells U.S. talk show host Conan O'Brien, "I'm gonna have to be all dragged out for the show... I'm freaking out, how do you prepare for that?
"Someone said to me, you should shave your eyebrows... because, in drag..., if you don't shave your eyebrows you have to glue stick the whole eyebrow and then blow it dry and then do it again. Like six times for each eye, and then you paint... the feminine eyebrows above it. So you can either do that, which takes forever, or you can just shave your eyebrows...
"I'm more worried about the eyebrows than having to tuck my weiner down with duct tape!"

Jim Carrey publicly announced that he has withdrawn his support from his upcoming film Kick-Ass 2, and will not be involved with its promotion. The actor, who portrays Colonel Stars &amp; Stripes, an ex-Mafia member turned masked vigilante, has decided that the violent nature of the superhero sequel conflicts with his standing sensitivity over tragedies like 2012's Sandy Hook shooting. Carrey tweeted over the weekend: "I did Kickass a month b4 Sandy Hook and now in all good conscience I cannot support that level of violence. My apologies to others involved with the film. I am not ashamed of it but recent events have caused a change in my heart."
Although the storyline's inclusion of a violent 11-year-old (Chloë Grace Moretz) has been met with controversy in the past, the nature of the film hadn't prevented the actor from signing onto the project in the first place, nor have any events since inspired any previous vocalization of conflict about his involvement. In March, Carrey opened up to MTV News about the relationship between the film's super-violence and his beliefs about gun control in the aftermath of the devastation in Connecticut:
"...my character is a guy that came from a violent background who is trying to turn it around and he uses a gun with no bullets in it. These are things I am considering now because I just feel like we don't cause the problem, but we don't help it much either. So, I am becoming more conscious of that. And I made Kick-Ass before all the things, the unfortunate shootings happened and stuff happened, and so that's kind of a little interesting blast from the past almost. But it's just going to be a great movie but I'm being careful with choices."
Mark Millar, the writer and creator of the Kick-Ass comic book series as well as the executive producer for the two films, is inevitably astonished about the comedian's sudden transition from big fan to disapproving criticizer. In a statement posted on Millar World a few hours after Carrey's announcement, Millar replies:
"First off, I love Jim Carrey. When producer Matthew Vaughn and director Jeff Wadlow called me up and suggested we do a conference call with him to talk about the sequel to the 2010 original I was genuinely excited. Like you, I love Eternal Sunshine, Man on the Moon and The Truman Show. Carrey is an actor like no other, an unpredictable force of nature who brings a layered warmth and humanity to his work as well as that unstoppable energy he's always been renowned for. He had lunch with Matthew around the time of the first movie and dug it so much he appeared that night on Conan O'Brien DRESSED as Kick-Ass, singing a duet with Conan dressed as Superman. Vaughn and I made a mental note to work with this guy as soon as possible as we're both huge admirers.
Cut to almost three years later and I'm sitting in a screening room in London watching what I think is one of Carrey's best-ever performances. I'd seen Kick-Ass 2 in many forms, but this was the absolute final cut complete with opening titles, music and a terrific post-credit sequence you're all going to love. I couldn't be happier with this picture. It's as good as the original and in many ways BIGGER as it expands upon the universe and really takes things to the next level. There are a lot of stand-outs in the sequel, every actor really firing on full cylinders and an amazing script that moves like a rocket. But Carrey in particular is magnificent. He's never done anything like this before and even from the trailer, with his masked dog sidekick specially trained to munch criminal balls, you can see that something really fun and special is happening here. Colonel Stars and Stripes is so charismatic and all his scenes are up there with Nic Cage's amazing turn as Big Daddy in the original... which made it all the more surprising when Jim announced tonight that the gun-violence in Kick-Ass 2 has made him withdraw his support from the picture.
As you may know, Jim is a passionate advocate of gun-control and I respect both his politics and his opinion, but I'm baffled by this sudden announcement as nothing seen in this picture wasn't in the screenplay eighteen months ago. Yes, the body-count is very high, but a movie called Kick-Ass 2 really has to do what it says on the tin. A sequel to the picture that gave us HIT-GIRL was always going to have some blood on the floor and this should have been no shock to a guy who enjoyed the first movie so much. My books are very hardcore, but the movies are adapted for a more mainstream audience and if you loved the tone of the first picture you're going to eat this up with a big, giant spoon. Like Jim, I'm horrified by real-life violence (even though I'm Scottish), but Kick-Ass 2 isn't a documentary. No actors were harmed in the making of this production! This is fiction and like Tarantino and Peckinpah, Scorcese and Eastwood, John Boorman, Oliver Stone and Chan-Wook Park, Kick-Ass avoids the usual bloodless body-count of most big summer pictures and focuses instead of the CONSEQUENCES of violence, whether it's the ramifications for friends and family or, as we saw in the first movie, Kick-Ass spending six months in hospital after his first street altercation. Ironically, Jim's character in Kick-Ass 2 is a Born-Again Christian and the big deal we made of the fact that he refuses to fire a gun is something he told us attracted him to the role in the first place.
Ultimately, this is his decision, but I've never quite bought the notion that violence in fiction leads to violence in real-life any more than Harry Potter casting a spell creates more Boy Wizards in real-life. Our job as storytellers is to entertain and our toolbox can't be sabotaged by curtailing the use of guns in an action-movie. Imagine a John Wayne picture where he wasn't packing or a Rocky movie where Stallone wasn't punching someone repeatedly in the face. Our audience is smart enough to know they're all pretending and we should instead just sit back and enjoy the serotonin release of seeing bad guys meeting bad ends as much as we enjoyed seeing the Death Star exploding. The action in Kick-Ass 2 is like nothing you've ever seen before. The humour, the characters, the heart and the set-pieces are all things we're very proud of and the only warning I'd really include is that it's almost TOO EXCITING. Kick-Ass 2 is fictional fun so let's focus our ire instead of the real-life violence going on in the world like the war in Afghanistan, the alarming tension in Syria right now and the fact that Superman just snapped a guy's fucking neck.
Jim, I love ya and I hope you reconsider for all the above points. You're amazing in this insanely fun picture and I'm very proud of what Jeff, Matthew and all the team have done here."
It seems like Carrey's sudden change of heart is a reflection of his dual personalities in Me, Myself &amp; Irene. Regardless of how he's feeling, Kick-Ass 2 will fire into theatres on August 16, with or without the star's support.
Follow Lauren On Twitter @Lopay92 | Follow Hollywood.Com On Twitter @Hollywood_com
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Visual effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen has died at the age of 92. The filmmaker passed away in London on Tuesday (07May13).
A statement issued by his relatives reads: "The Harryhausen family regret to announce the death of Ray Harryhausen, Visual Effects pioneer and stop-motion model animator.
"Ray's influence on today's film makers was enormous... Steven Spielberg, James Cameron, Peter Jackson, George Lucas, John Landis and the UK's own Nick Park have cited Harryhausen as being the man whose work inspired their own creations...
"Harryhausen's genius was in being able to bring his models alive. Whether they were prehistoric dinosaurs or mythological creatures, in Ray's hands they were no longer puppets but became instead characters in their own right, just as important as the actors they played against and in most cases even more so."
Inspired by the work of Willis O'Brien in King Kong, Harryhausen embarked on a career in filmmaking in the 1930s with his childhood pal, writer Ray Bradbury.
He had to put his Hollywood dreams on hold temporarily during World War II, during which he served in the U.S. Army's Special Services Division. He landed his first major job as an assistant animator to O'Brien for 1949's Mighty Joe Young, which won the Academy Award for Best Special Effects.
He went on to make his first colour film, The 7th Voyage of Sinbad, in 1958, using his own brand of stop-motion model animation, named Dynamation, which revolutionised the industry.
His filmography also included The Three Worlds of Gulliver, Mysterious Island and his final work, Clash of the Titans in 1981, but he will perhaps be best remembered for the animation he created for 1963's Jason and the Argonauts and his work on a key fight scene between three actors and seven 'living' skeletons - a sequence which took Harryhausen a reported four months to complete.
He won a multitude of accolades throughout his lengthy career, including a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and an honorary Oscar, and he has widely been credited as the inspiration for a slew of top Hollywood filmmakers, including Peter Jackson, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, who once claimed, "Without Ray Harryhausen, there would likely have been no Star Wars."

Considering a good number of his cast mates from The Office found their way on to the first run of Arrested Development (including Ed Helms, Phyllis Smith, Craig Robinson, and Brian Baumgartner) it's only fair that John Krasinski, who spent years dealing with the craziness at Dunder Mifflin, should also get to experience the craziness of the Bluth Company. Now he's going to get that chance, and the timing could not be sweeter considering his nine-season run on NBC's The Office is about to come to a close for good when the series wraps on May 16.
According to Entertainment Weekly, Krasinski will join the continually impressive roster of guest stars on the upcoming fourth season of Arrested Development on Netflix. (Hollywood.com reached out to the actor's rep for confirmation, but they were not immediately available for comment on the casting news).
Krasinski will be among famous faces to appear on the new incarnation of AD, including Conan O'Brien, Kristen Wiig, John Slattery, Seth Rogen, Isla Fisher, and returning favorites like Andy Richter, Liza Minnelli, Ben Stiller, Carl Weathers, Scott Baio, and Ron Howard. Still no word on Steve Holt (Steve Holt!).
While there's no details about who Krasinski will play on the comedy (the show's creators are keeping everything awfully close to the vest... much like you would an illusion, Michael), if the guy can deal with Michael Scott for years, Michael Bluth will be a piece of cake. Well, unless he's on the Atkins Diet.
Follow Aly on Twitter @AlySemigran
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Nicole Kidman, Kevin Spacey and Michael Douglas were among the A-list stars who descended on Washington, D.C. on Saturday night (27Apr13) to attend the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner. The yearly gathering was hosted by TV funnyman Conan O'Brien and some of the most famous names in Hollywood were drawn to U.S. President Barack Obama's party at the Washington Hilton hotel.
Actors including Bradley Cooper, Jeremy Renner, Claire Danes, Connie Britton, Paul Rudd and Gerard Butler all turned out for the event, along with Katy Perry, Barbara Streisand, Olivia Wilde and her fiance Jason Sudeikis, John Legend and South Korean pop sensation Psy. Obama made a joke-filled speech to his famous guests, during which he poked fun at Michael Douglas for his turn as U.S. leader in a 1995 romantic comedy, revealing he had been told to solve his political problems by "being more like Michael Douglas in The American President".
Obama also addressed Jay-Z and Beyonce's controversial trip to Cuba earlier this month (Apr13) and made a humorous reference to the rapper's song 99 Problems, telling the crowd, "It's unbelievable - I got 99 problems and now Jay-Z is one." Kevin Spacey also filmed a spoof video dubbed House of Nerds, based on his online political TV show House of Cards, which was shown during the evening.

You wouldn't think that a man who invented and profited off something called "The String Dance" would ever age. But it's true: Today, Conan O'Brien turned 50 and then we all turned to each other with expressions that can only be described as "WhaaaaaA?" followed by an auditory "No. Way." But 'tis true: Coco is half a century old.
Luckily, to offset the mind-blowing truth of O'Brien's age, we've got eight other celebs who've just entered the fifth decade of their lives. Okay, so that might blow your mind a little more. But you'll live.
Basketball Legend Michael JordanThat title almost works better when you're 50.
Mad Man About Town John SlatteryAge ain't nothing but a number, and this silver fox has still got it (even after puking on the floor at Sterling Cooper).
Tom Cruise: Still Kicking Ass in Space at 50And still wooing ladies just a hair above half his age on screen too.
Straight Up, Paula Abdul's Still Got the MovesSeriously. Don't challenge this former Laker girl to a dance contest. You will lose.
Steve Carell Wore Spandex in Burt Wonderstone and Got Away With ItBut he reminds me of my dad so that's all the commentary I can provide for this 50s clubber.
Demi Moore, Is 50, Still Looks 30Life is cruel, folks.
Okay, We Know Jodie Foster's 50After all, she practically hit us over the head with during her rambling Golden Globes speech this year.
Forever-Duck Emilio EstevezHe'll always be our Mighty Ducks coach, even in 20 years when he's 70.
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In analyzing the most recent poster for Star Trek Into Darkness, of a structural-integrity-challenged Enterprise falling to Earth, I asked a question that oddly enough not many had considered: exactly what was doing battle with Kirk's ship? One really formidable starship enemy or a whole fleet of attackers? If it's just one ship, it's likely that Benedict Cumberbatch's baddie John Harrison is pulling a Khan and has merely commandeered it. Remember, he's called a Federation "agent," not a captain.
Well, now we know. Paramount has released a third trailer for the movie (out May 17) and it's the most revealing clip we've seen yet. We've got Klingons, we've got space battles, and we've got an answer to my question: Harrison has one, really big, really menacing, black-tinted starship that dwarfs the Enterprise. Which is odd because Star Trek Into Darkness takes place just six months after 2009's Star Trek, and I'm pretty sure at that point the Enterprise was considered to be the most advanced ship in the fleet. Could this be further fuel for my theory that Harrison is actually an "agent" for black-ops, deep-cover Federation intel agency Section 31? Maybe he really is trying to lead some kind of Seven Days in May-style mutiny within Starfleet to push the Federation toward a less exploratory-minded security state?
It would make sense for Section 31 to have a more advanced ship than even Kirk &amp; Co. know about. Shame it wasn't around to fight Nero and the Nerada in the last movie, especially if its black-hull indicates some kind of stealth or cloaking technology that they developed on the sly using Romulan technology. I mean, just look at the size of that thing in the freeze-frame above! It blots out the sky in front of Kirk's ship.
Despite all the rumors about Harrison really being Khan, I'm still not convinced. For one, is J.J. Abrams really going to whitewash a Sikh Indian character to the point where he's played by pasty Englishman Benedict Cumberbatch? I'm sorry, the pastiest Englishman? For two, why would an alternate universe remake of The Wrath of Khan, one pop culture totem that's truly unassailable, be a desirable thing? Aren't you setting up impossibly high expectations? (Then again this is the guy who's directing Star Wars Episode VII.) Maybe Khan will appear. Maybe John Harrison will have undergone genetic resequencing just like Toby Stephens in Die Another Day — exactly what we want to see ! — but there's another explanation, also involving genetic resequencing that I think may explain all. Allow me to introduce the first exhibit in our photo essay below: Klingons!
Yes, if you couldn't already tell from the forehead ridges, those are Klingons. In a deleted scene from his 2009 film J.J. Abrams cast Victor Garber to play a Klingon interrogator who questions Eric Bana's Nero about his time-traveling intent. These are the exact same helmets that the Klingons in that deleted scene wore. Now, some have speculated that John Harrison is trying to provoke war between the Federation and the Klingons. Uh-uh, as far as I'm concerned.
What if Harrison and his Federation conspirators are working with the Klingons. That would explain that freaky black ship. The Klingons have cloaking technology! They could have given it to Harrison and his Section 31 colleagues. The Klingons also got a better look at that 24th century tech Nero brought back in time with him than anybody, since they captured the guy. They could have given that to Harrison as well. But why? Is it, like in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, a plot hatched by the war hawks in both the Federation and the Klingon Empire to wage war against each other for their mutual profit? Or, wait for it, is Harrison a Klingon himself?
You may be thinking right now that I'm crazy. I'd say, yes...but like a targ! In the mid-23rd century, as seen in The Original Series, some Klingons looked really different from the forehead-ridged Klingons we all know and love. The former category of Klingons looked human.
Now we all know that the real reason for them looking little different from Kirk's crew on the '60s TV series is that Desilu Productions had no makeup budget. Most of the aliens on that show look human. But considering how different they've looked ever since Star Trek: The Motion Picture, where they were first given dark skin, forehead ridges, and pointy teeth, the makers of Trek had to come up with an in-universe explanation. It was first hinted at in one of the all-time great episodes of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Trials and Tribble-ations," in which the DS9 crew travel a hundred years back in time to Kirk's Enterprise during the events of the classic "Trouble with Tribbles" episode. Here's what Worf had to say about the Klingons' very different appearance at the time.
Both Dr. Bashir and Chief O'Brien are right. It was genetic engineering... that became a viral mutation. And it was only elaborated to us Trekkers in the fourth season of Star Trek: Enterprise. Some of Khan's fellow genetic supermen were awakened in the mid-22nd century on that show, but without Khan because that show had the good sense to not try to recast Ricardo Montalban. These genetically blessed individuals were the result of experiments in the late 20th century to create individuals who were smarter and stronger than normal humans. Only problem? They were psychotic. I mean, filled with the most insane delusions of grandeur. Khan was their leader, and in the 1990s they waged war against the genetically inferior from their home base in Central Asia. You were probably too busy listening to the Macarena to care, but in 1996, Khan and his Übermenschen followers were defeated, and he was exiled in space aboard the S.S. Botany Bay. Because apparently we exile people to outer space, despite the fact that, even then, with all that sweet Clinton Era funding, NASA was barely functional when it came to manned space flight.
But anyway, fast-forward a couple centuries to the mid-2150s. One of the ships carrying a bunch of the genetic supermen in deep hibernation was discovered. The genetic supermen were reawakened. And a few of them ended up in Klingon hands. The Klingons thought the supermen were part of an Earth plot to weaponize humanity and endow ordinary folks with the sheer burliness required to be an equal opponent to any Klingon warrior. In short, the Empire was threatened. And this is part of why the Klingons and Earth got off to a bad start in their relationship. Scientists in the Empire felt that they needed to close the genetic superman gap and start doing some freaky manipulation to their own genome. The humans had maybe increased their strength. But the Klingons would go for stealth. They would alter their genetic structure by adding in some human DNA. They would then lose their forehead ridges and look exactly like humans... meaning that they could infiltrate Earth as spies and not be noticed. Maybe one or two could even make it into Starfleet and bring down their enemy from the inside.
Unfortunately, these genetic experiments quickly turned into a virus that ended up affecting much of Klingon society. Meaning that most Klingons ended up looking like ordinary human beings. The advantage of surprise would be lost if all Klingons looked like humans. A century later, in the mid-2260s during the events of The Original Series, we see that the Klingons still hadn't solved this problem. They still look like blokes. So what if John Harrison is a Klingon who, rather than just picking barfights with Scotty and letting Tribbles overtake his ship like so many in the Empire in those days, actually is living up to his original directive? What if he in fact has infiltrated the Federation and is leading a mutiny from within, supposedly to save it from its touchy-feely pro-exploration policies? But what if he really just wants to bring it down? Let's look at some more visual evidence from the new trailer.
This is basically a new angle on what we've already seen in previous clips, but its repeated presence goes to show that the Klingons really are going to be a major deal in this movie. A Bird of Prey keeps firing on a shuttlepod piloted by Kirk and Spock, through some kind of urban sprawl. I'm guessing this is Qo'nos, the Klingon homeworld itself.
Now here's the funny thing: Khan could still be in this movie. We know from Star Trek: Enterprise, the one series that was not affected by the timeline changes from the 2009 film because of it being a prequel show, that the Klingons were already interested in genetically engineered humans. What if, then, because of the timeline changes they decided to seek out Khan in the Botany Bay and actually found him? Even in The Wrath of Khan, he displays an affinity for Klingon culture by quoting their old proverb "Revenge is a dish best served cold." Khan could now be working for the Klingons and John Harrison could be his envoy. And we haven't even seen the supervillain yet!
From this photo, you can tell just how massive Harrison's ship is in comparison to the Enterprise. What if Klingon John Harrison infiltrated Section 31, where he fed the Federation organization schematics from Nero's ship, the Nerada, that the Klingons had discovered years earlier so that they could buid their own, comparable vessel? How else to explain what is obviously a ship of some Federation hybrid design that no one else in Starfleet seems to have seen before? It seems unlikely that Abrams would go to the time-travel well again and have this much larger ship be from the future. Some commenters online have already said that it looks like Jean-Luc Picard's Enterprise-E from a century later but those flared warp nacelles look way too much like Kirk's ship to have come from any other time. But I bet it has a cloaking device...
Quick break to feast your eyes on Zoe Saldana's Uhura in a catsuit.
An Aside: 2009's Star Trek featured Uhura in lingerie. An earlier trailer for Star Trek Into Darkness has also shown Alice Eve's Carol Marcus in lingerie. But here's the thing. Star Trek fans, and I'm taking it upon myself to speak for us collectively here, know that sexiness isn't contigent upon baring a lot of skin. In fact, we Trekkers prefer the skin-hugging catsuit look. Exhibit A: Nana Visitor's Kira Nerys on Deep Space Nine. Exhibit B: Jolene Blalock's T'Pol on Enterprise. Exhibit C: Jeri Ryan's Seven of Nine on Voyager. That's why one of the smartest things I've seen from any trailer for Star Trek Into Darkness is that Zoe Saldana's Uhura is in a peel-off, curve-hugging body suit. With a collar! Never underestimate the sexiness of collars. Or the sexiness of zippers! Seven of Nine never had a zipper. How did she ever get out of that skin-tight rig on Voyager? Something worth pondering. End Aside.
More evidence that some Klingon or Romulan technology is at work on Harrison's ship! Its torpedoes leave an exhaust trail, consistent with the plasma torpedoes found on Romulan Warbirds and Klingon Birds of Prey at this time. Federation photon torpedoes don't leave any kind of trail. And what is that weird spherical pod in the center of the frame? Please say it's not those pods from Oblivion.
If I wanted to, I could say that spherical ship looks to be of Suliban design, suggesting that John Harrison is really a Suliban shapeshifter who can assume any form he wants. But I have some sanity left, and I must guard that sanity carefully.
Mark my words: John Harrison is a Klingon, Khan may indeed be lurking on the sidelines, and catsuits are awesome.
What do you think?
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
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Has the puppet string dance ever been done at a White House Correspondents dinner? If it hasn't before, it likely will now, as Conan O'Brien will host the 2013 White House Correspondents dinner for President Barack Obama and the rest of Washington D.C.'s elite.
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The ginger-haired late night funny man, who last emceed the event back in 1995 for President Bill Clinton (in a cruel twist of fate, no one has hosted the White House Correspondents dinners more than Jay Leno), announced the news via Twitter. O'Brien posted from his page, "I'm honored to host the WH Correspondents dinner. Get ready for 2 minutes of jokes, then 40 minutes on public employee pension reform."
White House Correspondents Association’s president Ed Henry said in a statement, “Conan is one of television's most innovative and influential talents and I am absolutely thrilled that he has agreed to be this year’s featured act. As social media has changed all aspects of the media business, Conan has embraced this shifting landscape to become a creative force both online as well as in the traditional television model. We are grateful that Conan will be also be using that creativity to bring more attention to the WHCA’s commitment to helping needy journalism students.”
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Taking the baton from Jimmy Kimmel who hosted last year, O'Brien should be a great follow-up with his patented brand of smart and silly comedy that fans catch every night on Conan. It's doubtful he'll push the envelope like Stephen Colbert did in 2006 (then again, Colbert was playing to a very different administration and brought satire to scathing new levels of brilliance), but he won't be shy in terms of getting in a few key zingers, a la Seth Meyers in 2011. Here's hoping, for sake of sheer comedy, Donald Trump is in attendance again.
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The 2013 White House Correspondents dinner will take place on April 27.
[Photo credit: Michael Dwyer/AP Images]
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You knew it was only a matter of time before perfect little Lady Mary would have her perfect little cherub child that she can order around and tell what to do and make it's life absolute living hell. Well, she's not officially pregnant yet, but the foreshadowing was so dark it makes the middle of the night look like a florescent light bulb show room. Matthew and Mary are going to conceive the once and future heir of Downton Abbey and the rest of us are just going to have to deal with their perfection.
But last night there were plenty of things to both love and hate, as there always are. Before Ethel gets back out there selling her body for tuppence, let's have a look at all of them, shall we?
LOVE
Lady Edith's Wardrobe: I don't know if she's catching up with the times, using the money she's making from her burgeoning journalism career on clothes, or getting rid of poor old Sir Anthony Strallan has finally made her hip and young, but Lady Edith is looking better than ever. Whether it's her orange dresses that flatter her coloring, this demure and professional ensemble she wore to meet her editor for the first time, or the lovely lavender frock she wore to Sybil II: The Revenge's christening, this girl is working it out.
"Stick It Up Your Jumper": This is a phrase that Anna uses to tell someone to go shove it and I'm going to find a way to bring it back into the modern vocabulary. This is my "fetch" and I am going to make it happen. At first I thought it was "stick it up your dumper," which would be gross and vulgar but also a great way to tell someone to shove something you don't want up their ass. I wish I could tell Julian Fellows to stick the Bates in prison storyline up his dumper. As far as favorite expressions go, Bates telling Jimmy, "don't be a big girl's blouse about it," was a very close second.
Edith Throwing Shade: Edith's stock is certainly on the rise. Not only did Mary and Violet both ask her for mysterious favors when she went into London, but she also finally expressed to her dreamy new editor that she's sort of sick of her sister Mary. When he said her sister looked radiant in her wedding announcement but that Edith also looked good she replies, "It's a relief that I'm not an object of pity to the entire world." Oh, Edith, laugh at yourself before everyone else does. But she has no reason to be sour. She was wonderful at the jazz club and investigating the man she wants to be her love. She's going to be a modern city girl yet.
Violet's Night with the Tradesmen: When Branson's jerkface brother ate dinner upstairs with the fancy people, Violet told a story about taking a train home from the north of England in a blizzard when it stopped and she and some other highborn folks had to spend an evening dining with some "tradesman." I can just imagine how awesome this was and in my mind she got totally wasted with them and traded barbs and beat them all at cards and hiccuped and drank more shots while they were all passed out in the hay as the fire roared and glared all their faces with the orange glow. If they ever make a prequel movie about Violet, I want this to be the only story in it.
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Violet Has All the Answers: Speaking of Violet, what would everyone in Downton do without her (and what are they going to do in the inevitable near future when she goes up to the great drawing room in the sky?). Violet solved Ethel's problems and got her a new job and close to her son. She figured out how to get Branson back in Downton and her great granddaughter closet to her faimly. She one-upped Isobel, which is always good for a laugh, she got Edith to do her bidding and convinced her to get a job in London, and she did all of this while still having time to change into her cricket whites and entertain everyone on the sidelines with her banter. For a woman who is retired, she sure has plenty to do.
Thomas Standing Up for Himself: When Thomas gets caught in a sticky situation (though probably not as sticky a situation as he was hoping for), everyone just expects him to roll over (but not in the way he was hoping for) and get fired and take it like a man (again, not how he was hoping for). But no, he does not. When Mr. Carson calls him disgusting he says that he is not and that he won't hear anything like that. Thomas may be loathsome, but at least he doesn't loathe himself. I also give Mrs. Hughes, Mr. Bates, and Lord Grantham credit for sticking up for him. No one wants to say that a homosexual is acceptable, but they all said, in their little way, that as long as what he is doesn't have any negative effects on them, he can go on being it quietly. In those days, "don't ask, don't tell" was quite a victory indeed.
Bates New Ensemble: It took the man going to jail and getting a new suit to be the most dapper thing on the planet. Good for him! Speaking of which, while he looked amazing all dolled up, Anna looked great with her hair down — for a change — when they were painting their shabby little cottage. I hope to see her off-duty look more often.
Everything About Rose: We need to talk for a minute about cousin Rose, who is like the Sammy Jo character from Dynasty all over again. (PS – what do we have to do to get Heather Locklear on this show?) Rose is young, pretty, stupid, flirty, deceptive, and a whole heap of trouble. She is my favorite kind of girl. She cooks up a scheme to get out of the country and macking on her married lover in a jazz club in London so quickly that it made Bates' stay in prison seem like it took an entire season. Oh wait, it did. Anyway, that Rose is into Le Jazz Hot and stays out all night and I just have to love her and hope that she's going to be back at Downton ruffling feather and messing things up in the seasons to come.
Aunt Rosamond: She's no cousin Rose, but a little dose of Aunt Rosamond is always welcome. Who doesn't love the family gossip who is always down for a bit of intrigue?
Lord Grantham Is Like John Boenher: The master of the house (try to read that without getting the Les Mis song stuck in your head) has been an absolute devil this year. He's just a reactionary jerk who wants everything to go back to the way it used to be even though the way things used to be is classist, wrong, awful, and is keeping everyone from being happy. That's not really something to love, but what I love is that he feels all these things and tries to weild his considerable power, but no one listens to him and he gets nothing done. Who does that sound like? Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner. They're basically the same person, except Boehner has a fake tan and cries more. And Lord Grantham dresses more modernly.
Bye Bye Ethel: Thank god she is gone for good. Can we focus on something else for a change?
Thomas Screwed Everyone Over: Thomas sure had a rough time of it last night. O'Brien turned on him, he almost lost his job, then Jimmy went after him and he almost couldn't get a reference, and he would have been traveling to India to lug tea with a cousin of his. But Bates, Mrs. Hughes, and Lord Gratham all stepped up for him (mostly because he's good at cricket) and not only did he end up with a job, but with a better job. That means O'Brien will have to suffer his revenge, Carson will have to train him, the other male staff members will have to defer to him and Alfred (who tried to get him arrested) lost his gig as first footman to keep Jimmy happy now that Thomas is staying. It seemed like he was going to be the one ousted but he ended up screwing everyone in the end (not in the way he hoped).
Everyone in Purple at the Christening: Finally mourning is over and we are out of black and into matching Easter pastels. I couldn't be happier, but I didn't know the Catholic church allowed outfits so festive.
Violets Quip of the Week: "You can not want your only granddaughter to grow up over a ga-rage with that drunken gorilla."
HATE
Bates Prison Story: This is my last time to bitch about how awful this story is, so I'm going to take it. It was dumb. And we still don't even know what happened, exactly. He went to prison, people didn't like him, so they kept him from the outside world. Then he hid some weird paper thing from the guards and then everyone liked him again and the next thing you know he's free. It didn't make any sense. And what was that stupid paper thing anyway? And it's not like anything changed after his stint in prison. He's still the same old Bates. He says that prison changed him but he's back skulking around doorways and eavesdropping on conversations just as sure as the first day he was on the job. Why the hell did this have to take so long? Sybil can get sick and die in one episode but we have to wait an entire season for a nonsense prison plot to unravel? This was the worst.
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Stupid Ivy: I thought there wasn't a kitchen maid dumber than Daisy and then I met Ivy. Sure Jimmy is cute and all, but why would she choose him over the delightful ginger giant Aflred is beyond me, especially when Jimmy clearly isn't into her. The only time he flirts with her is when he's overcompensating for everyone thinkin he's gay. Alfred is hot, he wants you, and he will be good for you. Why are you ignoring him, Ivy? I hope that next season there is a whole plot where Daisy hates him and decides to poison Ivy.
Thomas is a Rapist: I know that O'Brien pushed him to it and he really wanted to think that Jimmy loved him, but even if he thought he was going to be into some man on man action, why did he have to go and rape Jimmy in his sleep like that? I would love to make out with Thomas and I probably would have had the same reaction if I woke up with another man in my grill like that. What ever happened to lighting some candles or moonlight strolls or something romantic like that?
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Cora and Robert Make Up: Again, we had to endure an entire season of Bates in prison and Cora and Robert make up over night without even a mention of it. Cora blamed her husband for killing their daughter and one little intervention from the doctor and everything is hunky dory like a David Bowie album. Oh please.
Bad Shirtlessness: We have waited all season to see Jimmy shirtless and they blow it with him bathing and running across the room holding his shirt in front of his torso. When we finally get Branson out of his bulging undershirt they better not bungle this in the same way.
Cricket: God, this whole stupid match seemed so arbitrary and tacked on. It was fun when they did things like this season one — where each episode was a bit more self contained, so some drama about the flower show was charming — but in what was the last episode of the season in Britain to interject this cooked up cricket match just seemed superfluous. And we don't even find out who wins! The only thing we know is that Mosely loses, and that is a pretty good reason to have anything, but couldn't they have done better than cricket? God.
Edith's Lover Has a Crazy Wife: What the hell is this? Jane Eyre?
Matthew and Mary Go Behind Each Other's Backs: I know that everyone is supposed to love this couple and think that they're all great and they're going to have a baby and blah blah blah, but isn't their relationship kind of messed up? I mean, Mary always hectors Matthew into doing whatever she wants him to do and then, when there's something she wants to do she goes behind his back and goes to the doctor under a fake name so he won't know. She even has surgery on her lady parts and can't even tell him about it. This is her husband! She's supposed to share everything with him but something as important as them being able to have children and she can't even bring it up? She doesn't have to get into the gynecological details (no one wants that) but still. And he's no better, taking off to London in secret while she has to deal with her father getting all upset that her husband wants to change the entire estate around. I give her credit for standing by him while he and Branson modernize the joint, but if these two want to last, they need to think about how their relationship works.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
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