With this week being Thanksgiving, I thought it would be appropriate to share some tips in dealing with the holidays while walking through grief. Facing every-day life without your loved one is difficult. Facing the holidays without your loved one can seem overwhelming. Loneliness and holidays tend to go hand-in-hand, especially during the early years of loss.

If you are facing your first holiday season on your own, it can help you to remember several things I have found to be true. The first is to know that anticipation is usually worse than realization. Anticipating the holiday may stir up extra feelings of loss, apprehension, and loneliness. You may find yourself dreading the holiday. Fear can be a very real emotion as you wonder how that particular day will feel and what you will do to fill the hours until you can go to bed and wake up in a new day.

Perhaps you have been invited to spend the day with friends. You want to go, but you may be unsure how to excuse yourself in the case that you need some time alone to process your feelings. Remember that your friends care about you and desire the best for you. While they may not completely understand your loss, they want to see you smile and be happy. Do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself and with them. If you feel like crying – then cry. If you feel like laughing – do so with gusto and without guilt. Your loved one would want you to experience joy again. If you find yourself needing time alone – simply state that fact and retreat to a quiet room for a while. Pretending your loneliness does not exist will only keep you from healing.

Loneliness in the holidays is not necessarily a bad thing. It is something you need to experience in order to grow and take a step forward toward healing. Be courageous, take a deep breath, and give yourself grace as you learn to maneuver through Thanksgiving Day. In doing so, you will find yourself better equipped to look toward the other upcoming holidays. Allow yourself to feel and fully experience those emotions that will roll over you this week. As you do, picture your loved one cheering you on and being proud of you for facing what may be a hard day.

Until next time –

Karen

Grief Letters is available for you to purchase. With the holidays just around the corner, this may be just the gift your friends and family need to help them. Having hope and purpose is not impossible when facing loss and pain. This devotion book is filled with lessons learned from my own journey as well as suggested activities written to help achieve forward progress through grief. Place your order today!

Grief Letters By Karen Bransgrove, Published by WestBow Press. You can order here.

One truth I try to always remember regarding my ministry to children and their families is the fact that we really do not know what goes on behind closed doors. Over the years I have discovered that people can put on a good show. Walls are built and lives kept private so that few people truly know what happens when no one is watching. Because of that truth, we need to serve with gratitude, discipline with grace, and teach with a passion that shows unconditional love. What a person receives through that gratitude, grace, and passion may be the only blessing they have in their life.

The same can hold true when you walk through grief. However, instead of applying this principle to others, you might try applying it to yourself. Giving yourself grace at the end of a long, hard day may be just what you need to sleep and wake up knowing you can handle another day. Only you know what you face when you go home at night and close the front door on the outside world. Who you share your journey with and when you do so is up to you.

There may be times when you cannot imagine telling anyone how you feel because that forces you to come to terms with your own emotions first. Pushing those feelings down to bury them is far easier at times than admitting to what truly happens behind closed doors. Will others understand the countless times you find yourself momentarily immobilized with hot tears suddenly cascading down your cheeks while you struggle to catch your breath?

How can anyone possibly understand the dread you feel upon returning home after long hours at work? Can others grasp that you wonder how you will fill the minutes that lie ahead in the too quiet evening? Will they see that you dislike bedtime because you will be not be able to unwind and achieve a restful night’s sleep since you haven’t slept through a whole night in years.

You have gotten so skilled at putting on a smile and having a good attitude most of the time that few might suspect there are times when the cheerfulness can be forced and feigned because you carry an ache too large to describe. When you find yourself in this situation, learn to be honest – at least with yourself. You don’t necessarily have to broadcast your every struggle. However, it is helpful to admit to yourself how you are truly feeling. You then enable yourself to move forward on your grief journey as you try to determine if you might handle things differently. There will be times when you do need a little privacy and a good cry. At others moments, you may find it healthier to let someone else see what is happening behind your closed door so they can encourage you along the way.

I share this topic not to gain pity or change attitudes about me, but to help others with similar struggles and feelings. You are not alone. What you face is real and, unfortunately, common when you have journeyed through death and loss. My hope is that when you see others succeed and move forward to find hope and healing in spite of pain, you will know that you too can achieve the same.

Living behind closed doors has both advantages and disadvantages. Having the wisdom to know the difference will help you make good decisions. This wisdom does not come from within you, but from Someone far wiser – the God who loves you and cares.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5 (NIV)

Until next time –

Karen

With the holidays approaching, Grief Letters makes the perfect gift for those walking through loss and sadness. This devotion book is filled with lessons learned from my own journey as well as suggested activities written to help achieve forward progress through grief. Place your order today!

Grief Letters By Karen Bransgrove, Published by WestBow Press. You can order here.