Having two in college this year means I have double the number of final exams to be concerned about. I have been praying for my guys this morning because I know they both have tests today. They are planning to come home tonight because they say they can study better at home than in the dorm (I don’t know about that). At any rate, this is when I begin to get antsy about their grades. The youngest will only have to take 3 finals because his grade was high enough not to have to take the other (okay, so we know he has as least one A).

The oldest – who knows – he’s not stressed over it like #2 is, and we get no information there.

I can remember finals week in college. No sleep – usually no makeup, hair not fixes – did well to eat and shower. At one final exam (biology) I showed up with no makeup, wearing my glasses and my hair pulled back and the professor called my name and after he looked up he marked me absent. 😦 Guess I REALLY looked rough that morning. He did have sort of a surprised looked when I called out here. (BTW, my brother was also taking this class with me and he rolled in the floor laughing!)

I just looked at the clock on my computer and they are both in tests and I have butterflies in my stomach – I don’t think I was this nervous when I was taking them myself!!!

Beth Moore says we can pray and ask God to make us smarter than we are………………………….wonder if that applies to college finals ?

Dear friends: Today I have a very heavy heart. My friend, Christy, whom I have mentioned on this blog before, had surgery two weeks ago today to reverse the illiostomy from her colon surgery earlier this fall (Christy has had 3 occurances of colon cancer). Over the weekend she began experiencing some complications and has been admitted to the hospital in Louisville again. She has developed a minor leak in the reversal, and the tests have revealed a new tumor – this time in her liver. Please remember this sister in prayer.

From this mornings devotion – I needed this reminder.

It is easy for our awareness of God to diminish in our busy schedules. It is easy to lose our observant eye and ear as we rush from one thing to the next! In the noise and commotion of life, it is easy to miss the still, small voice within us.How do we remain vigilant in our Christian walk? A vigilant person is watchful and alert. He is observant with an eye to the future and is on guard for dangers or pitfalls.A vigilant person pays attention to the little things in his life and in his relationships. He is careful with his money knowing that the little things can add up to be big things. He is alert to the subtle slip in important relationships. He takes the time to mend the small tears in the relationships around him, knowing this will make them stronger in the future.

A vigilant person is wise in tending his marriage. Wherever he can he seeks to sow seeds of approval, appreciation, affection and attention in this most important of human relationships.

“Be very careful, then, how you walk? not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:15-16).

As you walk through this day ask God to help you be observant to His still, small voice nudging you. When you are attentive in your relationship with God He will help you grow to become more aware and vigilant in your life and relationships.

I am so guilty of letting the stuff and clutter of life just push me throughout my day – just going and not paying attention to what’s is going on around me.

Sometimes it feels like I wear blinders and just don’t see. Other times I see and hear, but keep plowing on telling myself, later, later.

Things that are not cared for, watched after and nurtured will shrivel up, dry up and die. It can be our money or other resources God gives, it can be our friendships, it can be our marriage – our relationship with our children – our relationship with our church and most importantly our relationship will our GOD.

Being vigilant, or watchful requires that we keep the lanterns burning, that we keep our passion ignited. If we let the matters of the process of living snuff out that flame, then, slowly, our individual worlds become cold and we become lonely, lifeless and hungry.

We often don’t even realize this has happened because the fire may not have been blown out from a gust of wind, but rather, the flame progressively burns a little less brighly, until it completely goes out.

BUT…………we have access to the source of all life and light. We only have to reach up and the fire of the spirit will reignite our passion. Over the past weeks, I have felt my passion wane so, my prayer today day is that God will rekindle, reignite and renew me and make me more watchful and ever vigilant. If there is anyone reading this that has felt this way, I pray that you will also experience a return of the passion of the Holy Spirit in your life and that we would not grow tired of being watchful.

My kids are getting their whole two days of fall break right now. For a mom who nearly had a meltdown last year when the first one left, I think I am swinging to the opposite side of the pendulum and I am just about ready to shoo them BOTH out of the house. But, that’s just my impatience talking. Guess I need to grow a little more fruit here.

Well it’s Friday! We head out to O’boro for an ortho appointment with #2 – his retainer is messed up and after spending a gazillion dollars for ortho, the retainer has to get fixed. They fixed the retainer and called us back to “consult” – which means talk and look at x-rays. It turns out that he needs to have his wisdom teeth out (he only has bottom ones thank goodness).

Here’s the catch – he had an appointment yesterday with a surgeon for a consult on getting his tonsils out. It turns out, that, if the surgeon is agreeable both can be done at once. DONT WE ALL WANT TO SIGN UP FOR THAT. I’m kinda doubting that the surgeon is going to be hip on that, which means two procedures over Christmas break.

Looks like we will be having a very, merry Christmas this year! Please pray for us.

If there is anything I can say for certain about this past year of my life, I can say I have experienced change. (There must be some Greek word that means “The year of change”, but I don’t know what it is), anyway, I have “endured”:

hubbie’s possible illness (scarey time),

older son graduating from high school,

my struggle with depression (awful, would rather have my toenails pulled out),

my struggle with THE change (ladies you know exactly what I’m saying here),

older son leaving for college,

younger son graduating from high school,

younger son leaving for college,

and today,…. we joined a new group of people for the next leg of our Christian journey (aka our Sunday School Class).

Some of the changes have come about very quickly, (Feb 2, tornado, can we call that quick change?) …some have progressed much more slowly (in some cases – still going way too slowly – see “THE” change above).

Some have had elements of pain and others have brought joy. One thing I can say of each of these experiences is that I was not the same afterwards as I was before. “Not the same”. – let me soak in that for a moment.

……………………………………………

Okay, isn’t that what we want? Don’t we want to be changed? Don’t we want to be transformed into His image? Don’t we want to be refined, purified, molded and shaped?

Sometimes the process is painful, other times, God gives us a shot of demerol before He goes to work on us and we only remember the joy that comes afterward.

Sometimes change comes about as the result of much waiting, praying, hoping and remaining faithful. Sometimes, it’ just life! Life changes can draw us closer, or push us away, depending on how we choose. (I have to confess: I’ve done it both ways!)

Then….one day, there will come a change that takes place in the “twinkling of an eye”. What a day THAT will be!

So……why am I finding myself in a place of sadness with some of the changes I am experiencing. I know God is guiding and directing. I know (in the case of my guys) that God will protect and watch over (His eye is on my sparrows – okay Maggie, …eagles)

Still I have a sense of “leaving behind”, that I am finding sad – truthfully? bawling my eyes out -tonight. I don’t have little boys, I have young men who are training to be leaders in our future. I am moving (don’t like this word, but can’t come up with a better one) from friends of my heart, to open my heart to new friends.

I guess, when all is sifted out, I find myself facing fear – 1. being away from what I know to be reliable, comfortable – 2. having my dear ones away from my protection and guidance, and 3. fear that those I leave behind will soon forget.

BUT…….God’s Word is that perfect love casts out fear -and that which we have entrusted to Him, He is able to keep. I pray that I would come to that place of rest.

Lord, I pray that my faith would find that resting place in these winds of change. I look to you to be my strong tower, my refuge. I trust you to be WHERE I cannot and to be WHAT I cannot. I pray that in opening my heart to those I will come to love in the future, I will not have to sacrifice those that I have come to love in the past. I pray for your will and your direction in all, no matter what winds blow. Amen.

Sounds like a lesson from elementary school, but its not. It’s where I have been today. I am hurt, wounded, pierced. In one of Beth’s video she shared a passage from Psalms where David is crying out because he has been hurt. Loosely, it says that he could endure betrayal from an enemy, wounds from an adversary, but it was YOU. The you David is referring to is his friend, a trusted one. This is the worst of all wounds.

I am sharing here in this blog because I know that in this state I am very vulnerable to the enemy. I do not want to give in to his victory. I want to keep my feet planted on the path they are set on, but truthfully I want to turn and run. I want to go away and never have to see this hurt. But, I know I can’t. I know that I have to trust Him and obey in all that He requires of me. I feel my defenses going up. I know I have to allow Him to pull them down and be willing to let HIM be God.

This is not a place I wanted to find myself, especially after such a very long winter season. I had hoped that spring had come. Not giving up, just grieving. Keeping my resolve to continue—-but also asking God if it is worth it, and what difference does it make. Did I hear your voice and if so, why has this arrow caught my heart, first thing, when the battle hasn’t even come? Can I go the distance like this, can I keep running when I feel pushed off the track?

I know all this rambling is not going to make a lot of sense, but, if you can, please know I am walking in a place of weakness right now and am tremdously crying out for your prayer covering.