Friday, December 11, 2009

WWHM Crawls Back To Life

Ladies and gentleman, welcome back to WWHM!

For those of you not yet familiar with our horrifying little corner of the digital world, WWHM extracts some of the most preposterously idiotic male personal ads ever to grace the pages of our beloved internet, re-posts the exact text of those ads onto our blog along with pertinent commentary, and hurls the results into a bloody, churning meat pit I like to call "my seasoned female readership."

Before you proceed, WWHM would like to issue a stern warning: Some of the personal ads you are about to read may cause you to gag, retch, heave, or relieve the contents of your stomach into a bag of Tostitos. Your vagina may twitch, shake, shudder, or perhaps rappel down your leg, grab a protein bar, and move to Idaho to start a new life harvesting potatoes. Regardless, by proceeding past this entry, you agree to not hold WWHM accountable for what may happen to your once unquenchable sex drive.

Please take note, WWHM contains extremely graphic and immature sexual content, so if you can't handle it, we strongly recommend you go here.

I'm your host, The Weasel, and yes, I am a man. Critics oft contend I produce WWHM solely as a vehicle to make myself look better than other men, yet I counter nothing could be further from the truth.

By my own admission, I am nothing but a small, sheepish and feeble excuse of a man, one so meek you might frequently find me crouched in the fetal position underneath my own bathroom sink, slowly nursing a pasty and congealed gruel of Cheez-its and Yuban from a second-hand YMCA parrot feeder. When introduced to an unknown female or even the non-aggressive, low-speed paw strike of a recently declawed kitten, I tend to spontaneously suffer from the unfortunate malady a four year-old Spanish boy might refer to as "los pantalones con poopy."

So whilst I wholly admit upfront I know next to nothing about women, I've learned at least enough throughout my years to identify when a grown man indeed knows absolutely nothing about women. We dedicate the success of WWHM to those men.

395 comments:

I just discovered this gem of a blog this week. Imagine my horror as I read though month after month of guffaw and laugh-to-hiccups inducing personal ads with the accompanying dissection by you, The Weasel, knowing that they ENDED in August. Just last night I read the last of them and found myself heaving a heavy sigh because I knew there were no more. That forlorn sigh must have echoed clear across America because here you are! Thanks for that. No one else has ever described the thoughts, feelings and moods of my vagina as accurately as you do, Weasel. Kisses!

I'm really excited that you've returned! It's generally a huge highlight of my week seeing new posts. I had to start turning to craigslist myself to find amusing posts... one of which, I'm happy to say, appeared today, probably in honor of your return: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/m4w/1505539852.html

Some time around 1990 I was walking through the Searstown Mall in Leominster, Massachusetts when I saw a young man in a t-shirt that belongs on this weblog. Both he and his buddy looked like typical wedge shaped alpha trash and seemed right at home in a shirt that said, "OK BITCH! NO MORE MR. NICE GUY! DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!"

I was a bit shocked when I saw it, but after living in that area for a couple of years I learned that his attitude was about average for the local population.

I love this blog because it expreses everything I want to say. I posted something myself depicting the ideal male form (oh yes, pics included! ;)Check it out urself Worden and you tell me if I'm being unreasonable.

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..... and gone again. LOOOOOVE how everyone got their hopes up, as usual, that Weasel really cared this time.

You're like a shitty boyfriend, full of promises and apologies, but then... nothing.

I know people are going to jump on me, saying he's just a blogger, doesn't owe anybody anything, blah blah blah, which is normally true, but what I'm tired of is the promise of posts (and the desperate cries of "thank GOD!!! I knew you would come back!!!") and then no follow up.

OMG! It's been a long time, but I thought, what the hell, I'll load WWHM and see if it was finally pulled down or not. And, low and behold, a Weasel post :). Yes, Weas, you're a bit rusty but it like with all writing, you will get back into the swing of it with some practice.

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I've taken this blog off my feed and check back maybe once a month for old-times sake. Weasel, let this blog die. You have the best of intentions but posting every 6 weeks about how you're 'coming back' is a tease. It's obvious that you're not coming back and stringing us along like this is just causing disappointment. End this thing honorably, clean up the ridiculous amounts of spam collecting in the comments, and shut the comments down. That way this blog can at least be enjoyed in the future as something that was and it will no longer be the embarrassment it's become.

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You seem to have the potential to be a good writer but your cocaine-fuelled rants were funny for like five seconds. The constant stroking from your dedicated following of horny cowgirls probably made you think you were more hilarious than you are.

I think if you sober up and get your head on straight you will have no trouble finding paying writing work because your writing will improve. Otherwise...you're gonna have to try and find a sugar mama to look after you.

Take care of yourself. Don't become a statistic. Don't waste your talent.

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About Me

Need A Writer?

Despite producing two low-rent websites of extremely questionable taste, I actually make a living spitting ink for other people. Some of whom even exhibit, like, moral fiber and stuff.If you need an entertaining and/or controversial copywriter, comedy writer, or technical writer with a proven ability to sequester and stun thousands of eyeballs, I'm always interested in hearing about your project.