Its summit is the Royal Castle and a 14th-century cathedral which hosted almost all coronations and funerals of the Polish monarchy. After visiting the charming Gothic courtyard we continue to the Main Market Square — the bustling heart of the city. Complete your tour by visiting St Mary's Church, where the stunning medieval altar sculpted by Veit Stoss is located and a bugle call sounds towards the four corners of the world every hour on the hour.

Single room available for the supplement. Cancellations received within July 31, will be entitled to a complete refund. Full penalty will be applied to cancellations received after July 31, The number of participants is limited: Registration will be stopped once the maximum capacity is reached. In case of an insufficient number of participants on a tour, the tour will be cancelled. Accompanying persons programme Day: Participation in a conference Employability for Tomorrow.

Visit of a delegation from Graduate School of Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, China, to discuss cooperation in the exchange of faculty staff, graduate and doctoral students as well as administrative staff. A Memorandum of Understanding is to be signed. It was devoted to possibilities of further cooperation between the two institutions, including its financial aspect. Koryan had a meeting with prof. Nowak, Vice-Rector for Research and Liaison.

During the conference Erasmus Mundus Action 2 scholarship holders were presenting the scientific outcomes of their research and studies. The conference was organized under the auspices of the Foundation for the Development of the Education System and the Foundation of the University of Warsaw.

Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing. First it was the American's turn. The other two locked him in the room and waited. A week later, they heard him whimpering and pounding on the door so they let him out. After a month he finally banged on the door to be let out. I couldn't take it another minute! Finally it was the Polak's turn.

They locked him in the room and waited. A week went by, a month, a year. The German and American heard nothing. Finally they began to worry, so they yelled through the door, "You can come out now! You've won the contest by far! I'm not done eating the jelly donuts. How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?

How do you stop a Polish army on horseback? Turn off the carousel. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance. The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?

So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with 'T'? OK," said the coach. How did you come up with twelve? OK," broke in the coach. Noticing his collar, he stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but why are you wearing your shirt backwards?

It's a solar-powered flashlight. How many Polaks does it take to change a light bulb? One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb and the other two to spin the chair. One to hold the bulb and the other to spin the house.

He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the Polak to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The Polak understood and was ready. The time came to have the Polak jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded the Polak that he would be right behind him.

The Polak proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the Polak.

The Polak seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?

The Canonical List of Polish Jokes

SDI Media Polska

Things to do in Warsaw with kids: December 14-16, 2018

What do you do if a Polak throws a pin at you? Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth. What do you do if a Polak throws a hand-grenade at you? Take the pin out and throw it back. The Frenchman says, "I'll have five years' supply of brandy! The Polak says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!

Five years later, the Germans come to release their prisoners. First, they release the Englishman, who staggers out totally drunk. Then, they release the Frenchman, who also rolls out rather inebriated.

Then, they release the Polak, who comes out and says, "Has anyone got a light? There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women. You know these women. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit.

You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very queekly zees way. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies. So he goes back to the Frenchman.

You go to zee store. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way. He buys the potato, puts it in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach.

Up and down, up and down he walks, but the women will hardly even look at him. After half an hour he can't take it anymore and goes back to the Frenchman. What more can I do? So he goes off to Poland and asks the people: What is excuse me? After several hours of hard toil, the Polish guy hits his shovel on something hard in the ground. Both men work hurriedly to dig the object out and discover that its a treasure chest.

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On opening it they find jewels, coins, gold etc. Both are wild with happiness and dance around madly. When they have calmed down, the Russian takes the Polish workman's hand and earnestly says "Sir, we will share this just like Russian - Polish comrades should" and the Polish guy says, "Oh no, 50 - 50". He is not surprised to find that his reservation has been mislaid but he is more than a little peeved that his status in the party isn't enough to get him a good room anyway.

However, the clerk insists, the only bed they have left is the fourth bunk in a 4-bed dorm - he'll have to make do with that. The Russian grumbles but eventually he picks up his suitcase and heads for the dorm.

On his way, he meets a chamber-maid and thinking he might as well try to make friends with his room-mates, he asks her to bring them four cups of tea. They also ignore him totally from the moment he enters.

After sitting there for several minutes, he realizes he can't stand them anymore and decides to pull a joke on them. He stands up, grasps a floor lamp and speaking into the light-bulb as if it were a microphone he says: In about 30 seconds the Poles have all packed their bags and fled the hotel. Our Russian gets the entire room to himself. He sleeps very soundly. The next morning, however, as he's checking out and is about to leave, the desk-clerk calls after him: The Madam is out of women but, since the guy is Polish she thinks she can get away with a blow up doll and he will never know the difference.

From Warsaw (Poland) to Berlin (Germany) - Poland Forum

Being a bit nervous because she has never tried this one before, The Madam waits outside the door. The Ploack comes out in five minutes. How do you know if a Polak has been using a computer? There's whiteout on the screen.

Five sailors died digging his grave. He ran into one of his friends, who asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag? His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them.

How do you take census in a Polish village? Roll a quarter down the street, count the legs, divide by two, and subtract one for the Jew who catches it. Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig? Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene? They all decided to start walking to the nearest town which they had passed 50 miles back to get some help. A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand.

As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread. Finally the Polak appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, "Hey, why are you dragging that car door?

In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours. They were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the Winter.

A sign says, "Clearance: So the first Polak looks at the second Polak and says, "I don't see any cops around The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! Are you sure we can make it? Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control.

They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. They all drowned in spring training. Went home and got them bronzed.

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A week later the Pole complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results. He slept with women. Everyone was shouting, and slapping the Minister of Public Works on the back.

They all agreed that this would settle this stupidity issue once and for all. And so they commenced to building. Several months passed before the government council reconvened.

The Minister of Public Works sadly took the pulpit. The world is laughing even harder at us than ever before.

From Warsaw (Poland) to Berlin (Germany) - Poland Forum - TripAdvisor

We shall have to destroy it. Shouts of consternation were heard on every tongue. Finally, the hubbub died down enough for the Minister of Foreign Relations to be heard. Every crew we have sent there winds up fishing off of the side! How did the Polish mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on? Yellow in the front, Brown in the back! How do you know you're flying over Poland?

Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines. The scientists listened to the United States describe how they were another step closer to a cure for cancer, and the Russians were preparing a space ship to go to Saturn, and Germany was inventing a car that runs on water. Soon, it was the Polish scientists' turn to speak.

They were asked how they planned to deal with the sun's extreme heat. Do you know why the new football stadium they built in Warsaw could not be used? No matter where you sat you were behind a Pole. As hard as they tried, the Germans couldn't hit any of the Polish soldiers because they kept low in the ditches. Finally one of the Germans hit upon an idea. Krachevski stood up in his trench and said, "Yeah, it's me!

The Polish soldiers pondered this over and decided that it was a good idea. Why do Polish names end in "ski"? Because they can't spell toboggan. Did you hear about the Polak who married an Amish woman? He drove her buggy. Did you hear about the new automatic Polish parachutes?

They open on impact. He decided to do something about it. He sat back and thought about it. Suddenly he thought - "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am Polish and make fun of me. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini. The man behind the counter said, "Are you a Polak or not?

Did you see the polish submarine with a screen door? Dont laugh, it keeps the fish out. Did you hear about the Polish Helicopter crash? The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan. Did you know that Poland just bought 10, Septic Tanks? As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia.

Did you hear about the Polak who thought his wife was trying to kill him? On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Polish Remover". The telephone company decided to give them a test before hiring anyone so they sent the teams out to install telephone poles.

At the end of the day they reported back on how they had done. The Italian team had installed 10 telephone poles and the Polish team one. The Italians were hired but the Polish team protested that the Italians had cheated because the Italians left most of the poles sticking out of the ground.

Why do Polish hate Cauchy's dog? Because it leaves residues at each Pole. What's the motto of the Polish Solidarity Union? Every man for himself. There's a different joke every day. Then, choose the answer that seems most correct True or False and mark an "X" just like you sign your name under the appropriate heading on the right side. A clitoris is a type of flower.