“I know you’re interested in the Gold, but what you really want is the Khrome Package. That extends your 12 month relationship with Khloe to 18 months, plus the option to upgrade to Kim at any time. In addition, you get a 30% profit share on the sex tape, a guaranteed 12 episode story arc on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and a 9% reduction on the hateful smear campaign that follows your eventual break-up. Now, if you’re ready to sign, I’m going to need a signature in blood, allegiance pledged to the Dark Lord Satan, and a valid California state driver’s license.”

It’s been nearly 2 months since Khloe slipped the DPs to Lamar Odom, which means she’s nearly met the Kardashian standard 72 day waiting period before moving on to a new fame whoring venture, and Pimp Mama Kris is already waiting in the wings ready to sink her teeth into another innocent victim. On Monday evening, Kris third wheeled the shit out of a date between her 3rd best money maker, KHLOTRON-2000, and rapper The Game at Club Tru in Hollywood. Now, I’m what the kids call ‘a square’, so my rap knowledge is limited to MC Skat Kat and Hammer’sAddams Family rap, but I do follow The Game on Instagram and despite that regretful L.A. Dodgers face tattoo, he seems to be a great father and a selfless philanthropist (that’s a big word that means he gets a boner from giving away money). What I’m trying to say is, The Game waaaaayy too good for these awful hoof-footed hell-whores. Even though Khloe is (I cannot believe I’m about to say this) the most tolerable Kardashian, she still shares DNA with Kris and Kim, ergo she’s been Touched By A Beelzebub, so my advice to The Game would be this. Do it now. Don’t look back. Dodge that bullet, buddy.

Here’s more of The Game partying with Khloe (who gives a real Sasquatch-in-the-headlights look when she’s caught off guard) as well as more of ‘Kool Mom’ Pimp Mama Kris pulling The Game aside to negotiate that contract:

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).