Don’t forget to watch Oliver Stone’s Castro documentary this sunday at 10pm on the CBC. It was funded by HBO, and then they backed out (apparently because he was too soft on Castro), and the only people who would take it were the CBC. Soft or not, it’s a motherfucking Ollie Stone film in which he interviews Fidel. That shit should be seen! (via LES)

Upon viewing this film it becomes apparent that the shit-eating and pie-fucking of modern day teen sex comedies withers next to the unbridled debauchery of their 70s forebears. This film contains the following, in what must be adopted immediately as the gold standard content requirements of the genre: cheerleader tryouts; various post-cheering shower scenes including one with janitor peeping; a sleazy dad; a de-virgining; acid and pot; gratuitous lesbianism; a five-minute toe-sucking scene; sex with bikers; sex in a bear costume; and a slumber party that evolves into an all-nite gangbang. Kudos to Ace Baandige et al for their unrelenting pursuit of realism – they have captured perfectly the porno thrillride that is teenage life. Oh and they wrote the line “Jimmy’s on the scene, like Dr. Spock with a cock.”

The windows computer I use at work has gone through one of the typical windows death/resurrection cycles and now the ritual of software re-installation has re-begun. Absent this time around is Macromedia’s Flash. I just said “fuck it.” 90% of what Flash does nowadays is present ads, 9% is shitty movie websites, and 1% is stuff I might actually want to see. Is there any dumber invention than “rich media” ads, i.e. the web equivalent of a midget clown in rainbow colours who jumps up and down and says “HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!” right next to your face while you’re trying to read a book? So fuck you, Flash. Sincerely, D. Crankbloggingsley

Dude calls Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle “essentially a post-humanist film” with the sort of against-the-grain bombast that earns a special place in my heart. He’s comparing McG to Kiarostami, for funk’s sake. Unrelatedly, the new Destroyer album is now out, and it sounds like Kurt Weil scored a late-80s videogame, which I’d like to think is post-human as well, if only because it’s so grrrreat to call things post-human.

I’ve been pretty bad at making posts for this here site but I do have some good titles:
– Beyond Failure
– KillRape Corporation is now HappyTouch Partners Unlimited
– Tax Law: the Musical
– The Poor Man’s Samuel L. Jackson? Samuel L. Jackson
– Ass Buddy, the Portable Sub-Woofer
Also, this is d/blog’s 666th post. Dark Lord Incarnate, I salute you!

First off, he’s out of jail and has a new album coming out. I didn’t follow his transgressions in great detail, but they are legion and come together to form possibly the bestest, most hilariotragic AMG bio ever. [also recommended: Milli Vanilli and Styx] You should read the whole thing, but if you do not you should at least know that he has been charged twice with making “terrorist threats” – before 2001. He also called a female DA a “sperm donor” and then took a nap in court. Pharrell Williams casually compares him to Jesus in this article, which was written during his stint in the Clinton Correctional Facility and which alarmed me greatly when it first was published, as it seems he wasn’t ha-ha crazy as much as just plain crazy, and unlikely to survive jail. Well he did – can’t wait to hear his latest craziness, ha-ha or not.

If ever life gets you down, just think, you could’ve been born a bee. The workers are worked to death, the drones have sex once and die, and the queen must kill her sisters and mother and then lay eggs every second of the day. If she stops for a moment, the workers prepare her replacement. I guess it’s worth it for all the sweet sweet honey, not to mention the sweet sweet mandibular gland secretions.

Tired, I misread the product’s descriptor as “anti-Semitic” instead of “anti-septic.” Wow, Listerine’s reaching out to the racist clean-freak market, I thought. Clean the Jews out of your teeth! Of course, there’s always something fascist about cleaning products, something genocidal about the advertising copy: eradicate, eliminate, dissolve, purge, remove stains.

Odd, then, that Mr. Clean is so gay. I thought maybe this was to make him less threatening to husbands. After all, here’s this magical weightlifter who appears in the home while the husband’s away at work. He “helps out” the wife, revlieves tension, dissolves hysteria etc. etc. And he’s always winking at her. But it’s okay pops, look he’s bald with the earrings and the all-white attire… I guess a more logical explanation would be an attempt to connote the gay male’s reputation for excellent personal grooming skills. Or do the ad people know something we don’t: that a straight woman’s ideal mate is actually a gay man? Men prefer lesbians, after all. If we learn nothing else, it’s that someone should release Cleaning Dyke Twins For Men® brand cleanser.

I should really tie this in with Mel Gibson’s Jesusploitation film or with gay marriage or something. Aw, fuck it. clicks post