"AaArrRrGgGHhhh, AaArrRrGgGHhhh. AaArrRrGgGHhhh!!!" is a sound that only Chewbacca from Star Wars should make. "AaArrRrGgGHhhh!!!!!" is not the sound that a sane person makes. And "AaArrRrGgGHhhh!!!!!" is not the sound that you want to hear from an angry woman with a shoe in her hand heading towards you.

No human should be able to scream that loud, and for that long. Unfortunately I wasn't dealing with a normal human being, I was dealing with Angry Wife Who Just Found Her Husband at the Hotel Hot Tub In The Wee Hours of the Morning with Another Woman. So when I first heard "AaArrRrGgGHhhh" coming in the room and heading towards me, I should have reacted in some way.

But like I said yesterday, I thought this was some type of joke. Clearly I realized that this woman wasn't joking after she hit me upside the head with her shoe. You'd think I would run or fight back after she hit me, but damn I was in total shock. I mean, who the hell expects that their last night of vacation will end with someone's jealous wife beating them upside the head with a shoe.

What I was thinking:

Did I just get hit with a shoe?Did this man just get me involved in some Jerry Springer episode on my last day of vacation? Why on earth would he tell me he didn't have a girlfriend if he had a wife (not dating anyone my ass)? Why the hell would he think that if he saw me from his balcony that his wife wouldn't see us from the balcony? Is she gonna stop making that horrible noise?

What I should have been thinking:

Bitch start running. How the hell am I gonna check out tomorrow if they are on the same floor as me? Bitch start running.

So while That's My Wife Bastardwas getting beat with the shoe, I mean trying to holding her back, I finally snapped out of the You've Just Been Hit With A Shoe Shock and started running. I ran around the opposite side of the hot tub and out the door. Afraid that they would be on my trail back up to the 12th floor (which we all were staying on), I hot-stepped it to another elevator and enlisted a cutie who came down to see what all the noise was, (yes even in a panic I will still take note of the cuties) to protect me on my elevator ride upstairs.

I safely got back to my room and when Witchy Woman asked me what that noise was (yes, that crazy woman was still screaming) I told her, "Lady, let me tell you about the bizarre freaking crap that just happened to me...."

Happy Valentine's Day! And remember, if we stop accepting invitations to go to hot tubbing in the middle of the night with complete strangers, the Terrorists win.