CNN Has Officially “Jumped The Shark”

For those of you born after 1978 or so, this is a phrase attributed to the demise of the hit show “Happy Days.” Above is the scene from the show where “the Fonz” agreed to take on the challenge of jumping a pinned up shark in the water. This episode is largely credited with the show’s desperate attempt to revive its ratings–to no avail. Therefore, the term “Jumping the Shark” is often given to television shows that try some desperate story line to revive ratings. In this case, it would appear that the entire network at CNN is “jumping the shark.”

Take a look at this hideous attempt to make what I suppose is a “news” show:

Yawn!!! And Parker is no better. “Well it is Halloween.” This is horrid.

I think it is amazing that a guy can break the law by hiring a prostitute for sex, while married, while holding a high political office and then get his own cable news show. There are over 300 million people in the United States–but CNN has hired this person to save its ratings. Wow!

Seriously–this guy?

I feel kind of bad for CNN, even the prostitute said he is boring and looks like a “Gremlin.” Here at MKCB, we don’t want to be accused of being some pawn for Fox News, so I have some suggestions for other news hosts they may want to consider. Keeping in mind their standards of integrity, morality and talent, here are my suggestions to replace Spitzer when he is eaten by that shark he is jumping:

1. Hugh Grant

He was caught with a prostitute, charged with a crime, is semi-famous. He is hideously boring in films and seems to fit the profile CNN wants. Plus, he has way more hair than Spitzer.

2. Barney Frank

Congressman Frank has been reelected numerous times since his prostitution scandal broke in the 1990’s. It was a male prostitute, but that shouldn’t matter to CNN. His ability to speak clearly is low and his qualifications to report the news fairly and honestly is right up to CNN’s standards. He is also more charismatic than Spitzer–plus, it gets him out of Congress–which is good for America.

3. The Guy That Married a Dog

A couple of years ago I ran a blog post about this man who married a dog as some sort of weird punishment for having mistreated a dog. I think he is exactly what CNN needs. It incorporates so many different and unique aspects of living and gives the network an all-inclusive viewpoint. Plus, he is some kind of jokester. He is always saying how his dog is better than a woman because, “she doesn’t complain when he drinks too much, and she never wants to go shopping, etc…”

4. Wanda Holloway

Remember her, the cheerleader mom? She hired a hit man to kill the mother of her daughter’s rival cheerleader. That is so perfect. Look at her, she’s classy looking, from Texas, involved in a scandal that spawned a TV movie and tons of media coverage. She is perfect! She is off probation from her release from prison in 1997 and ready to handle the grind of cable news.