CELEBRATING FAMILY

For us the month of May was about family. Dana celebrated
Mother's Day by receiving phone calls from each of our grown
children and/or their spouses. We facilitated a staff retreat for a
group of therapists in which the emphasis was on recognizing and
celebrating their professional "family" and its members. And I just
returned from spending most of Memorial Day Weekend at the
Kerrville Folk Festival's 40th Annual music event at the
Quiet Valley Ranch located south of Kerrville, TX, with my three
sons ("Biological," "Step,"and "In-Law"). It was indeed a
celebration of family.

A year ago after receiving an email from the Kerrville folks
about last year's festival, I had cooked up the idea of trying to
get my guys to all attend this year's festival as a "boys'" getaway
weekend. We all love music; we all love live music; and we all love
original live music. What better place to experience this together
than at Kerrville? However, I thought the prospect of getting us
all to show up at Kerrville for the opening weekend of the festival
was slim given our diverse geographical locales and the fact that
every one of them has a full-time job, two of them are pursuing
college degrees, and each has a spouse they would be leaving
behind. Newlywed "Biological" would be driving 8+ hours from his
home in Oklahoma. "In-Law" would be driving 2-3 hours from another
part of Texas. "Step" travels worldwide teaching people how to take
underwater photos and videos. The fact that he was state-side
during this weekend and eager to travel yet one more time from his
home in Monterey, CA, was more than a father should acceptably ask.
It turns out my skepticism was unwarranted. Almost from the time
they each received my emailed invitation these three sons of mine
were committing to make this unprecedented event for us "boys"
happen. You have to understand - these guys absolutely love each
other as if they were born from the same womb within minutes of
each other. Given the fact that two of the three of them had never
been to the Kerrville Folk Festival before, and the other one was
only 4 years old when he last was there, it must have been their
love of family and this unique opportunity to spend more time with
each other that made the commitment such an easy one for each of
them.

The research on strong families has revealed at least seven
commonly recognized characteristics that seem to help keep a family
thriving. One of these is time spent with one
another. Contrary to some beliefs, it is not only the
quality of time that counts, it is also the
quantity of time spent that helps build strong family
bonds. The fact that my sons were willing to endure whatever costs
were involved in order to spend time with one another (in addition
to our annual family getaway with our spouses) speaks of their
sense of strong family bond. Given the post-festival emails and
phone calls that were circulating among us, this weekend gathering
offered something new to celebrate as a family. It has now been
added to my collection of most cherished memories.

The research on strong families has also revealed
ritual to be an important element. Rituals add
structure and consistency to our experiences. I must admit I was a
proud father hearing my sons begin to plan next year's pilgrimage
back to Kerrville and perhaps establishing a new family ritual -
another recurring opportunity to spend time with family. And to
think . . . all it took was one simple, easy-to-construct emailed
invitation. This event probably would never have happened had I
given in to my original doubts and elected not to send the
invitation. Often times all it takes is for one family member to
take the initiative to "put it out there" for others to respond to.
We'll never know what the response will be unless we take that
first small step.

Here's to celebrating time together and consistent ritual . . .
may we all find ways to create an opportunity for building a strong
family.