Why don't you look under your seat and find a clue?

Thank American Jesus for Fox “News,” the great arbiter of what is and is not racist. (President Barack HUSSEIN Oblackma presidenting while black? Racist. George Zimmerman shooting a black kid for blacking while black? Not racist. Now we have cleared that up for you, you’re welcome!)

Just in case you were unclear on how racism works, here is another lesson, courtesy of the Mensa society of race theorists known as Fox & Friends, who — sigh — cannot believe they have to explain to Oprah Winfrey that there is, like, almost no racism in America, so she really needs to stop crazy talking about how certain criticisms of the president are “maybe even in many cases because he’s African American.”

“I don’t know that Barack Obama could have been elected president if he was living in a racist nation,” co-host Steve Doocy opined. “Are there racists out there? Absolutely. Is it a majority of people? No. A majority of the people, according to the polls, simply don’t like his policies.”

Clap clap clap, Steve! Excellent rebuttal to a thing Oprah did not actually say. How about you, Elisabeth Hasselbeck? Do you have any brilliant insight to share with dumb doesn’t-understand-how-racism-works Oprah?

“And certainly throwing around racist accusations, calling someone a racist certainly for disagreeing when they are indeed not, would undermine racism when it does occur,” Hasselbeck chimed in. […]

“But this is someone as powerful as Oprah instilling fear in those that may come to critique policy under a cloak of racism when it may not be there,” Hasselbeck declared. “So again, it undermines racism when it does occur.”

Isn’t Oprah just THE WORST, undermining racism like that, striking fear in the hearts of racists who are too afraid she will toss around accusations of racism if they dare to criticize the president in a racist-but-totally-not-racist-because-that-never-happens way? It is obvious to everyone who isn’t Oprah that criticizing the president is not racist because other presidents have been criticized before him, so something something blah blah NOT RACIST. Here, Brian Kilmeade will history lesson us to prove that criticism of Obama cannot be racist.

“Bill Clinton, we know where he ended up with the Monica Lewinski stuff.”

Leaving office with the highest approval rating of any leaving-office president? Shame how that worked out for him.

“Where was the racism there?”

Excellent non-point, Brian! Now bring it home:

“This, to me, is a situation where you’ve gone six years with almost no criticism of the president.”

Yup, this president sure has skated through the last six years with almost no criticism at all, thanks to fear-mongering Oprah. Except for the non-stop threats of impeachment. And investigations into whether he is maybe a secret Kenyan usurper-in-chief. And comparisons to Watergate. And Hitler. And HI-larious blackface routines, which are most definitely not racist but just legitimate criticism of Obama that is pretty much exactly like criticisms of all the white presidents who came before him, except with blackface. But other than that …

Please stop trying to undermine racism, Oprah, stick to stuff you actually know about, and leave the race talk to the experts on Fox.