Falklanders vote to become Caribbean.

In a surprise outcome to Sunday's sovereignty referendum, 98% of Falklanders have voted to ditch British nationality and switch allegiance to the Caribbean.

Despite exit polls suggesting a resounding 'Yes' to staying British, it appears the Island's residents had finally realised that a talent for keeping sheep, tolerating shit weather and a desire to 'poke one at the Argies' were insufficient common interests, and that basking in tropical sunshine drinking rum all day would actually be a much better life choice.

Island farmers have already set about digging around the coastline and fishermen have been attaching ropes to prominent outcrops on the north side of the island.

Governor Nigel Haywood explained the plan. "As soon as we have the island free of the seabed, we'll have teams of rowers working around the clock in a bid to get the island moving up the Atlantic. We've calculated that with 30 crews each working 8 hour shifts, we can be somewhere near Trinidad in time for the Summer tourist season".

Both David Cameron and Argentina's President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, have been quick to condemn the action.

In a statement, the Prime Minister said that without the Falklands being a major bone of contention in the South Atlantic, he'd have less chance to show his stern and authoritative face to uppity foreign governments, which was not something he could let happen.

President Fernández meanwhile has said that Argentina's right to sovereignty of the Malvinas is indisputable and that she had sanctioned her military chiefs to draw up plans for a pre-emptive strike on the Turks and Caicos Islands just for spite.

Port Stanley gift shop owner, Peter Clarke summed up the islanders' mood. "We're fed up with Britain and Argentina buggering about in our affairs. All this cock waving over who owns our island has been wearing pretty thin these last 30 years. The people of the Falklands have sent a clear message to both sides, you can keep the fucking penguins, we're off for a bit of sun".

Meanwhile, rumours that Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond has been holding secret talks in the Seychelles, have yet to be confirmed.