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For Whom the Bell Tolls Setting: The deck of the SS Union Naval Cruiser. Men were on board, working and swabbing the deck and stuff like that. The captain of the ship looks over from topside and then heads down to his cabin. Inside, three men were crowded around something. When the […]

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Setting: The deck of the SS Union Naval Cruiser. Men were on board, working and swabbing the deck and stuff like that. The captain of the ship looks over from topside and then heads down to his cabin. Inside, three men were crowded around something. When the captain enters, the men move aside to reveal an officer tied to a chair.

Officer: You’ll never get away with this! Someone is bound to find out what you’re up to.

Captain: I doubt that. We have a perfect cover and no one is getting suspicious about our activities, but they are concerned with the recent defections of military officers into KAOS.

Officer: I won’t join.

Man 1: You don’t have a choice.

The men gather around the officer and the captain removes a needle from the drawer. He injects the officer and he stops struggling.

Captain: Wait for about ten minutes and then we’ll proceed as planned.

The All New Opening Credit’s to Get Smart!!

Setting: The office of Maxwell Smart, Chief of CONTROL. Max sat at his desk, reading a memo. His wife, Agent 99, stood next to him, reaffirming what he was reading.

99: That’s the ninth officer to go over to KAOS, Max. I don’t think I need to tell what that does to our military program.

Max: I get the picture, 99.

99: So, then I wont have to tell you what your mission is.

Max: [looking at her] I think I have a pretty good idea, darling. All we need to do is wait for Zach to get here.

99: You’re putting him on the case?

Max: Of course. that’s the whole reason for him working here.

99: I know that, Max, but still. This is a very dangerous case. [Zach walks in]

Max: I’m well aware of that, 99, which is why Zach is the best man for the job.

Zach: [confused] I’m the best man for what job?

Max: This officer defection case.

Zach: Oh. Well, actually, Pop, I’m only here to delI’ver this to you. [hands Max a letter] Came for you earlier today. I think it’s important. It’s a government letter.

Max: [smirks] Well, it looks like we’ll be doing this case together, Zachary.

Zach: [sarcastically] I doubt that very much, Pop. I have a legitimate reason for not doing this case.

Max: Like what?

Zach: I’m going to be father.

Max: And?

Zach: [annoyed] And? And what, grandfather to be? My wife is having my baby, your grandson. I think the stress of me leaving would be devastating.

99: Zach, I don’t think it would hit Tracie that hard.

Max: Ill be seeing you on the SS Union tomorrow morning, Zachary.

Zach: Sorry, Pop, but I assure you. No one’s getting me on that ship tomorrow.

Max: Either way, Zach, I’m assigning you to this case.

99: I would like to add, boys, that five of those defectors were officers on board the Union.

Zach: [to Max] I think Mom’s trying to say she doesn’t want me to do this case.

99: I’m not saying that all. Despite my feelings about one or both of you on that ship, I’m not saying don’t do the case. The fate of our military is in your hands. It’s your duty to figure this thing out.

Zach: [looks at 99, then Max] Mom’s talking to you, Dad.

Max: No, I believe she was addressing you.

99: [annoyed] I was talking to the both of you! Now, this is the fate of the world were talking about here. This isn’t some silly case involving a missing cat.

Max: You’re right, 99. This is certainly more Important that anything else right now. I’ll be on that ship tomorrow. [both look at Zach]

Zach: You know, Mom, when it comes to inspirational speaking, you are a master. I can always count on you to show me the true meaning of good and niceness and righteousness.

99: [smiling] Thank you, Zach. So you’ll be on the ship tomorrow?

Zach: Nope. [looks from Max & 99] I’m going to be at home with my wife and mother of my child. [to Max] Have fun on that case tomorrow, Pop. [chuckling]

The scene switches to the next morning, on the SS Union. Soldiers were going on to the boat and we see Tracie and Zach kissing at the gangplank.

Zach: Trace, I can’t believe I’m on this boat.

Tracie: Baby, you tried everything you could. But everyone knows you can’t win all the time.

Zach: [sarcastically] Don’t I know it. I fought the law and the law won.

Tracie: True. Besides, [running fingers through his hair] I get to see you in your Marine uniform. Your son, or daughter, will be proud to know their father was a brilliant military man.

Tracie: Of course. I’ve got Mom and Maxine looking out for me. You and Dad just be careful, okay?

Zach: [walking up the gangplank] Don’t worry, babe. Dad only has me and protecting me in his mind.

The two walk aboard the ship and look around. In a corner, Zach spots his parents and walks over to them. He clears his throat and the two break apart their lip lock.

99: [annoyed] Shouldn’t you be saying goodbye to your wife and unborn son?

Zach: [smiling] Already did.

Max: Then why are you over here?

Zach: I had to say goodbye to my beautiful mother, didnt I? [kisses 99 on the cheek]

99: Look, I want you guys to be careful, alright? Being on this ship could just be added protection, to ensure no other officer gets into the clutches of KAOS. But it also means the two of you will be in danger at every waking moment.

The boys look at each other and then turn to 99.

99: [looking at the expressions on faces] I know, I know. And loving it. Just be careful, okay? [kisses each on the cheek]

Zach: Gee, thanks, Pop. But I already have a watch. [shows Max watch on wrist] See?

Max: [annoyed] It’s not your ordinary watch, Zachary.

99: It’s a highly sophisticated communications device. That way, not only can you and your father talk to one another on board, but if anything should happen, you can contact me at CONTROL.

Zach: Hey, you get to be in charge of the store? that’s cool.

Max: Not officially. Your sister’s technically in charge, but seeing as she and Austin are on a slight assignment, I put your mother in charge.

Zach: Hey, Pop, I don’t want to rag on Mom or anything, but isn’t that against procedure? I mean, shouldn’t the next agent in line of seniority be in charge? Besides, Mom doesn’t even work at CONTROL anymore.

Max: I know all that, but your mother and I have a slight understanding. Besides, are you aware who’s next in line in seniority?

Ortiz: Bastante bien, gracias. I’m glad you two could be here. I know with the recent…defections, no one wants to be on this ship.

Zach: Nonsense! You guys got the best little boat around. Tell me, Sgt. Ortiz, who’s the captain on this ship?

Ortiz: [startled] [recovers] The captain is Capt. Mark Venezuela. He’s a fine captain. I’m happy to be under him.

Max:Venezuela, huh? Can’t wait to talk to him.

Ortiz: You will get your chance, Señor Smart. I’m sure youd like to know your orders, so here. [hands each a packet] Remember to read those fully. They also have instructions on where your lodgings will be. [looks at watch] I must report back to the captain. I will tell him of your arrival. Hasta luego. Until then. [leaves]

Max: [starts to open packet] Let’s open these packets and see what we’ve got.

The guys open their packet and start reading their orders. They see the packets are really their assignment, sealed only for them, by the President of the United States.

Max: [reading] The goal is to obviously find out what’s going on with this ship and it’s crew. The president thinks KAOS is involved, but hes not sure. [looking at Zach] That’s where we come in.

Zach: [holds up note] Look, we got a note from Mom. [reading]Dear Boys, I packed you each a lunch because I know you would forget to eat if not reminded [to Max] Just like Mom, huh? [continues] Zachary, I packed you a hoagie and some chips, as well as your Mr. Fufu Bear. [Zach turns red with embarrassment] [Max chuckles] Max, I packed your Mr. Snuggy under your underwear. [Now it’s Max’s turn to change red] Be careful, boys. I love you. 99. That was sure nice of Mom…to write I mean.

Zach looks around to see if anyone sees him, folds the note, and places it in his pocket. He then heads down below to the bunkers. He looks around until he sees a blond-haired man leaning against the door jam of the fourth bunker. He pulls out a cigarette and starts to smoke, as Zach comes up to him.

Zach: Hey there.

Man: What’s up?

Zach: Nuttin…much, nuttin much. [extending hand] Sgt. Zachary Smart.

Man: [shaking hands] Crpl. Aaron Bail.

Zach: [leaning against door as well] You wanted to see me?

Bail: Stand there and act casual. I would talk to you in my room, but I’m afraid it might be bugged, so well talk out here in the open. I was sent here by Army Intelligence, Mr. Smart. Our mission is to find out why our men are willingly going to KAOS.

Zach: Well, you do know KAOS has a higher pay wage.

Bail: [smirking] Your Mom said you’d say that.

Zach: Telling secrets on me, huh? Some mother. [pause] What else did she say about me?

Bail: She said you’d say that, too. [Zach’s annoyed] I wanted you to know what was going on, so there wouldn’t be any stepping on the toes. I’m here to aid you in any way I can.

Zach: Thanks. It’s good to you who your allies are.

Bail: Don’t get chummy with me, Smart. This ship isn’t what it seems. I have reason to believe it’s a KAOS vessel designed to lure military men aboard, but I can’t tell you any suspects. [pause] Do you watch the X-Files, Mr. Smart?

Cook: [laughs] Very cute, sailor. Let me tell you something about this ship. [leans in real close] You may come on here, but you ain’t ever gonna leave.

Max: Whadda mean by that?

Cook: Listen to Cookie. I’m tellin’ ya straight like it is. Damn fools, the lot of ya. I give you about a day, day and a half. [leaves]

Max: [to self] Mental note to self – don’t eat ship cooking.

Dinner in the mess hall comes around and Zach and Max finally have a chance to talk some things over. The whole time, Zach is keeping his eye on Crpl. Bail, who’s keeping his eye on everyone else. Bail leaves quickly and heads down to his room. There, he removes a hidden phone from his drawer.

Bail: [on phone] This is Bail. I’ve made contact with the control agent and informed him everything I know. I have my suspicions, but I can’t be sure of who the real criminal is.

As Bail talks, his door slowly opens and a hand comes through it, holding a syringe.

Bail: I don’t think anyone suspects me. I probably shouldn.t be making this call, but…

The syringe is jabbed into Bails back, causing the corporal to drop the phone.

Bail: [turning to look at killer] You! [falls to the floor, dead]

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Setting: Corporal Aaron Bail’s bunker room. Max, Zach, and the Captain are talking off to the side.

Captain:: I’m certainly shocked, to say the least, Sgt. Smart. To have a murder on my ship! Just…just very shocking.

Max: I imagine it would be, Captain. Tell me, who found the body?

Captain:: I did, as well as one of my men. I immediately called for the doctors on the ship. [shaking head] Tragic.

Max: [suspicious] Yes.

Zach: He was just alive a few hours ago. I just talked to him!

The captain and Max look at Zach in surprise.

Both: You did?

Captain:: What did you talk about?

Zach: [realizing mistake] Well, I just said hello. He has just been standing, smoking a cigarette, so I thought Id introduce myself. No harm done, right?

Captain:: Of course not, Sargent. Perfectly all right. I just asked because perhaps you may have seen the killer.

Zach: I didnt see anyone, Captain. When I left, Bail was alone and very much alive.

Captain:: Well, if you remember anything, Sgt. Smart, I expect you to notify me immediately.

Zach: Of course, sir.

The Smarts give the salute and watch as the Captain leaves. Max quickly pulls Zach inside a utility closet to speak to him.

Max: That was real close, Zachary.

Zach: I know, Pop, and I’m sorry. I was just stunned that he’d be dead.

Max: Well, just be careful.

Zach: Why would anyone want to kill Crpl. Bail?

Max: Tell me everything he told you.

The scene changes to the Captain quarters. He and Sgt. Ortiz are discussing the murder of Bail as well.

Captain:: That Sgt. Smart, the young one, he talked to Bail before he died.

Ortiz: You think he told Smart about us?

Captain:: I doubt it. Bail didn’t even know it was me until he turned around and saw me. But still…where are they now?

Otiz: Tómas saw them go into the utility closet. Why would they be in there?

Captain:: I don’t know. But it’s time we get rid of both Sgt. Smarts.

The scene returns to the utility closet, where Zach is finishing telling Max what Bail had said to him.

Zach: Then he said, ‘don’t trust anyone.’ That gave me little goose pimplies.

Max: Hmm…maybe Bail was on to something that he just didn’t tell you.

Zach: Okay. But what?

Max: I don’t…

Zach: Dad

Zach points to a small white cloud emerging from the bottom shelf.

Max: You think that’s just smoke from Cookie’s kitchen?

Zach: If that’s Cookie’s cooking, we’re in a lot of trouble.

Max: Lets get out of here. [starts to open door, but it wont open] It’s locked. [looks down] Oh good.

The white cloud starts to fill the room, causing the boys to cough and choke.

Zach: Dad! What’re we gonna do?

Max: Hold your breath and hope for air conditioning!

Zach: Somehow, I don’t think that’s going to help!

Max: Would you believe a swamp cooler?

The scene changes to Ortiz walking down the very hallway where Bail was found. Behind him are two other sailors. The three reach the closet that Zach and Max are trapped in.

Ortiz: [to sailor] Turn the gas off.

The sailor goes over a near by water valve and turns it clockwise. Ortiz then opens the door to find Max and Zach on the floor.

Ortiz: [to sailors] Get one of each and follow me. The Captain’s gonna want to see them. Adios, mi amigos. Parting is sweet sorrow. [laughs]

The scene changes to the office of Chief Maxwell Smart. Agent 99 and Tracie Smart are sitting around the desk, staring at the telephone. All is quiet until the phone rings. 99 picks it up.

99: Max?

Maxine: Good guess. Were you expecting me to call?

99: [disappointed] No. I was hoping it was your father.

Maxine: [sarcastically] I know you’re happy to hear from me, but please Mom, control your emotions.

99: Sorry, sweetheart. How’s the assignment? Everything okay?

Maxine: As boring as boring can be. Have you heard from the boys yet?

99: No. Tracie and I have been sitting here since this morning, waiting for something. Nothing’s come in.

Maxine: Well, hey, that’s a good sign, right? I mean, no word, that means things are going pretty much the way they should, right?

99: I just hope they’re okay.

Maxine: I’m sure they are. I mean, what kind of trouble could they be in?

The scene comes back to the SS Union, in the Captain’s cabin. Zach and Max are tied to chairs in the center of the room. They are struggling against the ropes when the Captain and Ortiz walk in the room.

Ortiz: Hóla, mis amigos. Finding your stay comfortable?

Zach: [sarcastically] Why don’t you come over here and I’ll tell you.

Captain:: [to Ortiz] It seems that our guests are getting a little hostile.

Max: You’re not going to get away with this, you know. As we speak, the entire Coast Guard is speeding towards us. How do you like that?

Captain:: Very fine, actually. [to Ortiz] Go look.

Ortiz goes over to retrieve a pair of binoculars from the nearby desk. He walks to the window and looks out.

Captain:: Well?

Ortiz: Yo veo [turns to look at the Capt.] Nada. There’s nothing and nobody out there.

Zach: There’s gotta be someway we can call for help without getting Captain Crazy and Señor Psycho after us. Got any ideas?

Max: No…wait a minute! What did you do with that watch I gave you?

Zach: The communication device?

Max: Yeah.

Zach: I’m wearingoh! I got cha! I use it to call Mom at CONTROL! Good thinking, Pop!

Max: I know that. Now get dialing.

Zach tries to reach his watch, but he can’t quite get to it.

Zach: Um…Dad…this could probably be easier if I had, say…a third arm.

Max: Keep trying, Zachary. Now is not the time to give up. We must do everything in our power to stop those foul KAOS agents from wrecking havoc on our country’s military operation. The fate of the free world depends on it.

Zach: [continues to struggle] You know, Pop, I was wrong. I think you’re the motivational speaker in the family.

Max: Shut up, Zachary, and get to dialing.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Setting: CONTROL headquarters. 99 and Tracie are now becoming frantic. No word from Max or Zach in the last day and a half.

With the two now back to back in their chairs, Max tries to reach the watch communicator before their captors return. In another part of the vessel, the Captain and Ortiz are questioning a Navy officer.

Captain:: The Navy obviously has certain plans in development and it is imperative that KAOS knows about it. Now, you can either tell us willingly or[remove syringe from pocket] We can force you to tell us. KAOS likes men like you.

Max and Zach are still trying to reach the watch communicator, hoping their KAOS shipmates aren’t coming for them.

Zach: It doesn’t matter. As long as someone, somewhere hears us. [again to the watch] This is Agent 78 of CONTROL. The Chief and I are currently being held captive aboard the SS Union. We should be about a day out of port. The ship is crawling with KAOS agents. I repeat. The Chief of CONTROL and myself are being held by the evil organization of KAOS. We are aboard the SS Union and were a day out of port. Hurry quickly.

Max: That’s a bit redundant.

Zach: What is?

Max: Hurry quickly. That’s redundant.

Zach: Is not. It just means to get here quicker than normal.

Max: Redundant.

Zach: It is not!

The Captain and Ortiz now stand in the corridor below decks. Ortiz is closing the door to where the officer had been.

Ortiz: Now that we’ve disposed of him, what are we to do with the Smarts?

Captain:: Mr. Smart has said they weren’t going to join us. I suspect as any CONTROL agent, they’d give their lives, rather than to join us. [looks at Ortiz] Kill them.

Back at CONTROL headquarters, 99 is on the phone with someone. She is writing something down as she speaks.

99: [on phone] Yes, sir. I’m very concerned. They left the day before yesterday and we haven’t heard anything from them since. [pause] Yes, they do have a communications device and nothing has come in. [beeping on other line] Would you excuse me, sir? I seem to have a call on another line. [switches over] Yes Trudi?

With that, the Captain makes a quick exit. Zach starts to go after him, but is stopped by Parker.

Parker: He’ll be caught before he gets down the hall.

Max: Well, thus ends another case for us. Parker, I assume you’ll be working on something to cure the many that have fallen prey to this evil KAOS plot.

Parker: [hesitant] Um, yeah. I got something in the works as we speak. [nervous laugh] Well, come on. I’m sure you’ll both want to freshen up before we leave.

Zach: You’re right, Austin. I gotta get my stuff. [runs out]

Maxine: So, Dad, what’s KAOS up to with this whole thing?

Max: Good question. I say the whole things squashed, but you never know with an organization like KAOS. They’re all about taking over the world.

Maxine: You know, if they would just learn that good will always triumph over evil, perhaps they wouldn’t try things like this. Taking advantage of everything that America stands for will not and can not be tolerated in this day and age.

Max: I think Zach was wrong yet again.

Parker: That was very eloquent, Maxine.

Maxine: I get it from Mom, I think. She’s a really good motivational speaker.