Monday, August 28, 2006

Thursday, August 24, 2006

I get stacks of letters and email everyday from TLAT fans that have questions about this blog, about what TLAT is, and about who I am. I will begin to select a few to answer here on my site.

This first question comes from a fan in Michigan:

Dear Aaron,

I love your blog. I read it every day while I eat my Cheerios before school. I think your blog is pretty stupid and half the time it doesn't make sense but yet somehow I can't turn away. It's sort of like a train wreck in a way I guess. My question to you is what would you look like with a mustache?

Joey,Saginaw Michigan

Great question Joey. Through the magic of computer technology scientists have been able to synthesize what I would look like with a really cool handle bar mustache. Enjoy...

If you have questions that you would like answered on the blog please send them to aaroncoal@gmail.com

Monday, August 21, 2006

Don't get stuck on a date that is a disaster. Ask these 5 questions before you even agree to see the person...

1. Do you own a pet bird? Any woman or man who would cage up an animal that has been given the gift of flight would have no qualms about trapping you in their own cage of smothering commitment. Say goodbye to your friends sucker!

2. How about that NPR? If they say "What's NPR?" then you have a keeper.

3. Have you ever killed a man in Reno just to watch him die? Listen carefully to their tone as they answer this one. If they have a nervous laugh afterwards do not proceed on the date without an extensive background check and a constant monitoring of the America's Most Wanted website.

4. What is the capitol of Oklahoma? You'd think that most people would think that was an easy question and immediately blurt out Oklahoma City as the answer. But watch for that hesitation. Some think it's a trick question and then they start to sweat and they blurt out with Tulsa...if this happens, put down the flowers you got at the convinent store and slowly back away.

5. Cheers: Diane or Rebecca? I have no idea why this question is important. I just think if they pass the test up to this point then it might be time to let loose with a fun question..you know to sort of get to know them. Oh, and if they say Diane...leave the premisis at once, get help.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I know growing up a midget cannot be easy. You live your life looking up. But I like to help people look on the bright side of things. Here's what I think is cool. Little people do not have to adhere to the Guiness Book of World Records. They can have their own set of records. The Guiness book might have a record for the world's fattest man.. Well that's not fair, a midget doesn't stand a chance in that category. So instead the little people book of world records could have the world's fattest midget. Why do we insist on forcing the little people to follow our records and rules? Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. Big deal! Who will be the first little person to walk on the moon? That's what we need to find out.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

* Why do they try and make everything that is good in this world into a cereal? Cinnamon rolls are good WITH milk...But when they make them into stale little crunchy things and float them in a bowl of milk it tastes like deer pellets.

* There was a saying in the old west that went something like this "When the snake slithers past the spur at high noon trouble is-a-comin so ye best be moving on."Actually that's more a saying I made up just now. Sorry for the confusion.

* A bear was outside my window last night. I called the cops but they told me I was dreaming and to go back to sleep. So I did.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I'm proud and honoured to stand here today, as a Lebanese speaking for Israel, the only democracy in the Middle East. As someone who was raised in an Arabic country, I want to give you a glimpse into the heart of the Arabic world.

I was raised in Lebanon, where I was taught that the Jews were evil, Israel was the devil, and the only time we will have peace in the Middle East is when we kill all the Jews and drive them into the sea.

When the Moslems and Palestinians declared Jihad on the Christians in 1975, they started massacring the Christians, city after city. I ended up living in a bomb shelter underground from age 10 to 17, without electricity, eating grass to live, and crawling under sniper bullets to a spring to get water.

It was Israel who came to help the Christians in Lebanon. My mother was wounded by a Moslem's shell, and was taken into an Israeli hospital for treatment. When we entered the emergency room, I was shocked at what I saw. There were hundreds of people wounded, Moslems, Palestinians, Christians, Lebanese, and Israeli soldiers lying on the floor. The doctors treated everyone according to their injury. They treated my mother before they treated the Israeli soldier lying next to her. They didn't see religion, they didn't see political affiliation, they saw people in need and they helped.

For the first time in my life I experienced a human quality that I know my culture would not have shown to their enemy. I experienced the values of the Israelis, who were able to love their enemy in their most trying moments. I spent 22 days at that hospital. Those days changed my life and the way I believe information, the way I listen to the radio or to television. I realized I was sold a fabricated lie by my government, about the Jews and Israel, that was so far from reality. I knew for fact that, if I was a Jew standing in an Arab hospital, I would be lynched and thrown over to the grounds, as shouts of joy of Allah Akbar, God is great, would echo through the hospital and the surrounding streets.

I became friends with the families of the Israeli wounded soldiers: one in particular Rina, her only child was wounded in his eyes.

One day I was visiting with her, and the Israeli army band came to play national songs to lift the spirits of the wounded soldiers. As they surrounded his bed playing a song about Jerusalem, Rina and I started crying. I felt out of place and started waking out of the room, and this mother holds my hand and pulls me back in without even looking at me. She holds me crying and says: "It is not your fault." We just stood there crying, holding each other's hands.

What a contrast between her, a mother looking at her deformed 19 year old only child, and still able to love me, the enemy, and between a Moslem mother who sends her son to blow himself up to smithereens just to kill a few Jews or Christians.

The difference between the Arabic world and Israel is a difference in values and character. It's barbarism versus civilization. It's democracy versus dictatorship. It's goodness versus evil.

Once upon a time, there was a special place in the lowest depths of hell for anyone who would intentionally murder a child. Now, the intentional murder of Israeli children is legitimized as Palestinian "armed struggle."

However, once such behaviour is legitimized against Israel, it is legitimized everywhere in the world, constrained by nothing more than the subjective belief of people who would wrap themselves in dynamite and nails for the purpose of killing children in the name of God.

Because the Palestinians have been encouraged to believe that murdering innocent Israeli civilians is a legitimate tactic for advancing their cause, the whole world now suffers from a plague of terrorism, from Nairobi to New York, from Moscow to Madrid, from Bali to Beslan.

They blame suicide bombing on "desperation of occupation." Let me tell you the truth. The first major terror bombing committed by Arabs against the Jewish state occurred ten weeks before Israel even became independent.

On Sunday morning, February 22, 1948, in anticipation of Israel's independence, a triple truck bomb was detonated by Arab terrorists on Ben Yehuda Street, in what was then the Jewish section of Jerusalem. Fifty-four people were killed, and hundreds were wounded. Thus, it is obvious that Arab terrorism is caused not by the "desperation" of "occupation" but by the VERY THOUGHT of a Jewish state.

So many times in history in the last 100 years, citizens have stood by and done nothing, allowing evil to prevail. As America stood up against and defeated communism, now it is time to stand up against the terror of religious bigotry and intolerance. It's time to all stand up and support and defend the state of Israel, which is the front line of the war against terrorism.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Friday, August 04, 2006

* There isn't a week that goes by that you won't find me in front of the tv with a pint of ice cream, my favorite robe, and an episode of Tyra.

* If I ever became a senator my first move would be to sponsor a bill that made harmonizing the last line of "Happy Birthday To You" mandatory by law.

* The second bill I would sponsor would be to make it illegal for anyone singing the national anthem at a sporting event to try hit a high note when they get to the line "...O'er the land of the free..heeee".

* What in the wild wild world of sports is going on with Hezbollah? I say we turn the other cheek and let Israel do what it has to....unleash the freedom of total war on Hezbollah and Iran.