10 Things to Remember When Everything You Want is Out of Reach

That’s the super-short version of my advice for those moments when nothing seems to be going as planned—when everything you want seems out of reach.

Yes, just be right where you are, with an open mind.

Let go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and sincerely appreciate it for everything that it is.

Easier said than done of course, especially when tragedy strikes. And although Angel and I have coped and grown through our fair share of real tragedies, let’s be honest about something: 98% of the time we create tragedy in our lives out of fairly minor incidents. Something doesn’t go exactly as planned, but rather than learn from the experience, we freak out about it and let stress become us.

My challenge for you today is to choose differently—don’t let the little things that are out of your control dominate you!

Truth be told, the biggest difference between peace and stress is attitude. It’s all about how you look at a situation and what you decide to do with it. It’s remembering that there are no certainties in life—you don’t know exactly what the future will bring. So your best strategy for living is to make the best and most positive use of the present moment, even when it disappoints you…

Especially when it disappoints you!

How disappointed would you be to get 20 years down the road and discover you were made to appreciate and enjoy life, while all you did was resist and doubt it?

Your life, with all its ups and downs, with all its unexpected twists and turns, has molded you for the greater good. Your life has been exactly what it needed to be up to this point. Don’t think you’ve lost time. Don’t think you haven’t arrived. It took each and every intricate and confusing situation you have encountered to bring you to right here, right now.

And if you have the courage to admit that you’re a little scared, the ability to smile even as you cry, the nerve to ask for help when you need it, and the wisdom to take it when it’s offered, then you have everything you need at this moment.

Seriously, nothing is out of reach when you realize it’s all in your head.

Which is why it’s time to remind yourself…

You don’t need baggage from yesterday clouding your vision of today’s blessings. The only thing stopping you 98% of the time is your mind and the thoughts you entertain. So take a deep breath and recenter yourself. You become a true master of your life when you learn how to master your focus—where your attention goes. Value what you give your energy to. Focus your limited energy on what matters most in the present.

It’s truly powerful and beautiful when a person’s intentions are genuine. So remember to do things for the right reasons, even when things don’t work out as planned. Your “why” must be bigger than the disappointments and challenges you face. Seriously, as often as you can, remind yourself why! With a strong enough reason why, you’ll be able to do what’s required at any time and in any circumstance.

Most people end up cheating on themselves and others, again and again, simply because they pay more attention to what they’re missing, rather than what they have. Meditate on this, so you don’t fall back into old, tired patterns. This one gets the best of even the best of us. Toxic habits and behaviors always try to sneak back in when we’re doing better. Stay focused.

You will end up heartbroken if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you. Forgive them! Yes, forgive them, not because they absolutely deserve forgiveness, but because you absolutely deserve peace of mind. Free yourself of the burden of being an eternal victim.

If somebody is working on themselves and changing for the better, it’s unnecessary to keep bringing up their past. People can change and grow. Take this to heart, and show yourself the same courtesy too. Oftentimes you don’t even realize that you’re blocking your own present blessings by holding on to the past. Start letting go. Be here now.

Calmness is a human superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace. It’s never too late to change your attitude about something you can’t change. Just decide to make the best of it. Take life day by day and be grateful for the little things. No excuses. Let go of all the purposeless drama, aimless time-wasters, and mental clutter that keeps getting in your way. (Angel and I build life-changing, daily rituals for doing just that with our students in the “Goals & Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)

Mental strength is incredibly important. Take care of your mind and the way you speak to yourself. Don’t let negative self-talk weaken you. Talk like you are blessed. Walk like you are blessed. Think like you are blessed. Work like you are blessed. And you will be, one way or another.

Everything gets a bit uncomfortable when it’s time to change (or when it’s time to recalibrate your expectations). That’s just a part of the growth process. Things will get better. Be patient, and remind yourself that you will never have to force anything that’s truly meant to be. Just do your best, then adopt a “whatever happens, happens” mindset. Don’t try to force things—let go and allow the right blessings to flow.

The wrong choices can bring us to the right places. The biggest failures often carry the best lessons. When you fail to get what you want, consider that it just might be a blessing in disguise. Seriously, be grateful that certain connections and situations didn’t work out. If you didn’t let go and learn, you would be stuck with false promises. Celebrate your progress. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Adversity” chapter of our book.)

It’s funny how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Eventually you’ll end up where you need to be, doing the right things, alongside the right people. Patience and persistence are the key. But don’t forget to pause on occasion and appreciate how far you’ve come too. You’ve been through a lot, and you’ve grown a lot. Give yourself credit for the steps you’ve taken, so you can step forward again with grace.

Afterthoughts… On Stepping Through a Day with Grace

All details aside, the goal is to grow so strong on the inside that nothing on the outside can affect your inner wellness without your conscious permission.

It’s about letting go of fantasies, accepting reality, having faith in your journey, and appreciating all the little things that are within your reach along the way.

As you continue to travel the road of life, do your best to avoid letting anyone or anything clutter your peace of mind. Live a life that moves you and makes you smile every day. Because you don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that your life is merely a collection of stressful expectations and “somedays” and errands and receipts and empty promises.

Choose differently!

Step through each day with grace…

Go ahead and sing out loud in the car with the windows down, and dance in your living room with your family, and stay up late laughing, and paint your walls any color you want, and enjoy some sweet wine and chocolate cake. Yes, and go ahead and sleep in on clean white sheets, and throw spontaneous parties, and paint, and write poetry, and read books so good they make you lose track of time. And just keep living and making God glad that he gave life to someone who loves and appreciates the gift.

Your turn…

If you’re feeling up to it, we would love to hear from YOU.

Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today, and why?

What else do you try to keep in mind when things aren’t going your way?

Comments

I love what you said about NOT endlessly bringing up a person’s past and holding it against them–and I like how you mentioned that we often do that to ourselves too. Honestly, this is what your Getting Back to Happy coaching and lessons have helped me with most. In the past I’ve been a sucker to my own self-limiting beliefs. I’ve literally held myself back numerous times simply by telling myself that I’m not capable enough, because of some minor past failure or rejection. Anyway, I appreciate the reminder today. I’ve come a long way! And it feels good to feel the progress.

There you go again, M&A, dropping an insightful blog post link in my inbox right when I needed to a solid pick-me-up. I feel like this post is such a great highlight of what I’ve learned from your blog and book over the past year. Thank you!

And to answer your question about why I try to keep in mind on down days …

Hi Gabe — I agree. Honestly, I feel blessed because every everything they are talking about here used to hinder my life, but since I started getting Marc and Angel’s e-mails I have learned my weakness and I have slowly changed. I hope they can get their books distributed here in Africa 🌍.

I love every word here. Currently, I am walking through a deep sunless valley… the possibility of losing my home and the life I have now is there. Eveything is “in between” for me. I have lost so much the last three years. Yet… I have faith in a God who can move mountains. Last night I watched the meteorite shower under a blanket until I fell asleep under the stars. I live a grateful life of wonder and grace.

It’s ironic that your story is a lot like one I was in about 10 yrs ago. I just shared with my childhood friend that it now seems like a setup to get me to where I needed to be. I was involved in a mortgage fraud that until it was too late, I didn’t know what had happened I sold my home and moved back to NC, where I said I would never move back to My mom was in the beginning stages of dementia and I had to take the reins to get her life situated. I had gone through a divorce, and wanted to date again but trying to make sure my mom was comfortable made that sort of impossible. But God had already set in motion a setup for me to meet my next husband (my Boaz) I found out on this journey that the man I thought was my father had adopted me, and my two sisters were his biological children. I found out who my biological dad was (he was dead) and I had brothers and sisters I had never met!!! My mom didn’t remember so I couldn’t get much from her. I could go on and on, but I just want you to go on your journey, no matter what it costs you, because it will take you to where you need to be on the next part of it. It will be a blessing in the ride, some you will love and some maybe not so much!! God Bless you.

All of the points resonate with me, but especially today I am going to practice the first one. My Dad’s health has declined a lot over the last 6 months and he is lying in a hospital bed as I write this. We know our time is very limited with him. I have faced 2017 with a lot of challenges within my family and at work. I am going into work today to get an important deliverable completed, but will remember to take deep breaths and let go to be present in the moment while I am at work today. Thank you for all of the inspiration you provide…it’s like getting advice from a friend when you need it the most.

Many reminders you mention in this article ring timely for me now. I especially like toward the beginning when you stated, “Let go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and sincerely appreciate it for everything that it is.”

I agree with that statement also. I have been trying to figure out what my purpose is. My best friend shared this with me today and it was like God answering my question immediately. I have spent days, after my mom passed on June 5 from dementia, trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing I am elated today.

Today your blog has help me get back to sanity. I woke up with a very sad and pessimistic outlook so many difficult things happening at the same time I could drown on. But you got me thinking that there are also so many wonderful little things in my life too, why live in a dark mood? Thank you for your post today I am saving it to come back to it often, God bless!

I feel sorrow as I just had a car accident and I realize that i’m having the same old boring pattern of meeting a new guy, and they’ve never stayed.
But I know that I can’t let this thought and sorrow controlling my life.
I started to be grateful and let go of all the fantasies I have in my mind. And yet, u are right! It feels so much lighter afterwards and I just realized I have my smile back today. Thanks Marc & Angel for the reminder.

Totally what I needed right now. But somehow I am not able to let go of things. I get stuck to things and I end up thinking that anything apart from that will be bad for me. I am sometimes confused if I have to try harder or just leave it to destiny. This vicious cycle of thoughts keep me depressed zone most often.

This could not have come at a better time in my life right now. I”m married to a very narcissistic person who only cares, talks and does for their self and it has always been like this and I on the other hand am an extremely loving, giving and helping person and this has really taken a toll on me for the last 7 years mentally and physically. I just don’t know how to handle it. Your blog this morning really helped me to open my eyes to a lot of things I never thought of before. If I was around more people like yourself, I know life would be a lot more manageable for me. Thanks for your great blog this morning. I will always be on your blog as long as your here. I love reading your articles.

I’m sorry that this is happening to you. I do understand some of the elements you are going through. I’m a woman who’s first marriage (7 years) was similar and an ex boyfriend (we broke up 6 years ago after 2 years together) who I always felt inferior to. I did a lot of reading about bad relationships afterward that relationship. It was eye opening in my situation. He was an alcoholic and as I read more, I realized that he was unhappy with himself. One, by drinking so much and two, by putting me down.

Thanks so much for sharing your experience with me. I am already beginning to see what I need to do and have been searching for so long, yet just never could get a grasp on it. What you said makes complete sense to me and the drinking WAS one of the problems, but he did manage to stop that about 4 years ago which helped, but then other things started happening with him putting me down. I am stronger than I thought I could ever be and I will continue to try and build my self confidence back up to where I once was. Thanks so much.

Forgiving people for not being what you expect them to be. Powerful and true. Often not only do I forgive but I live by the motto that most of what you personally want you have to pursue yourself! You cannot outsource the road to success, if you do then you’ll end up outsourcing the victory!

Right in the beginning, “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith” hit me like a thunderbolt. I’ve gotten better but I still give into my doubts and it cuts me short of my potential. When I find myself doing it, I have such a visceral reaction; I can actually feel a sort of sucker punch in my heart. That piece of advice is now my mantra when those moments arise.

I feel like I’m in a dark hole trying to dig myself out I’ll get a foot up and then slide two feet back down. My kids are living their lives and prospering and doing great . My ex- husband is living his life and prospering. He has new hobbies and seems to be just doing great. While I’m just digging the same hole over and over!!!!!! So many changes too fast.

It’s hard to find just one or two statements that stood out in this one for me because it seemed every single statement spoke directly to my heart and mind right now. I’m SO grateful for the friend that posted one of your entries in Facebook and prompted me to get your book a long time ago. Your entries so often appear in my inbox just at the right time! Thank you thank you thank you!

I have been trying to be more patient and forgiving of others, and it seems that the result is that I have now given permission to them to break promises, be even more unreliable and take advantage of me. I’m not speaking of children. These are adults my age and even older. Not only do they feel I should accept their bad behavior, but they get upset with me for trying to get them to do what was promised. Sorry for the rant, but I am failing somewhere and I can’t figure out how to fix it. I’m feeling like a well worn doormat right now.

I just have to say how much I love your daily inspirational stories and messages. They always come right on time and right when I need to hear them. Please continue to do what you are doing and spreading your messages of hope and inspiration. I truly consider your emails my daily little blessings I believe come from our spirit angels and God. THANK YOU.

Thank you Marc and Angel for a great reminder of how we should treat ourselves, just as well as we treat others. So often we put our mental and physical well-being last, and simply run out of energy to tend to our own needs. By taking back control and giving ourselves the affirmations we need to keep going, everyone around us benefits as well. Thank you and all the best!!

I have remembered when things seem like something I wasn’t expecting a saying, ” your perception is your reality”. This has tended to ground me in what is actually taking p lace and realizing how others might see things differently than I do.
It has helped to make me more tolerant of others.

I admit that I loose sight of just being in the “now”. I always have. I like your emails that I receive almost daily. I needed the one that you sent out today, Aug. 14th. I need to work on more of just letting things be. I’m in a situation currently living with a housemate (her house) and it’s not what I thought that it was going to be. I miss my privacy immensely and just doing things when I feel like it. I plan a move to another state next spring/summer timeframe, but my housemate doesn’t know about it yet and I plan to tell her a couple of months before. I want to move closer to family. So, I will take each day as it comes and not get so wound up in the move, which will be a positive one. However, I’m nervous about letting my housemate know. She can be a condensing, superior person which irks me a lot, but I don’t say anything. With some people, you want to give them as little ammunition as you can. It’s not easy for my cat either. She’s been an only cat and one of my housemate’s huge males is always chasing her. Not good. So, in retrospect, this will not last forever.

Hi DR – I smiled when I read your comment because it sort of reminded me of a situation I was in nearly 40 years ago when I had just bought my first flat and I had a friend move in to help me with the mortgage payments (and because his current landlord was weird). He was a great flatmate but after a year I decided I preferred the flat to myself. I agonised for weeks to trying to get the courage to ask him to look for another place. I felt so guilty that I ended up asking acquaintances if they knew anyone who was looking for a flatmate – and guess what – one of the first I asked was! He stayed there for several years before moving to live in Sydney. All that wasted energy worrying about asking him to leave. I just love M & A’s newsletters btw.

Hi Bruce,
Thanks for sharing your experience. I enjoyed reading it. I’m glad that the situation with your former roommate worked out. I’ve agonized and it’s only been three months. Not for her, but for me because I like living on my own. I knew I had made a mistake within the first week. We were pretty good friends prior to house sharing. She’s a widow and I’m divorced. So, we thought it a win/win financially, pet setting and general company. I know that there are two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle is the truth and I’m looking at this from my own perspective. I my perspective, either she changed or her real personality popped out. I’m trying to be calm until I can make the move next year to another state to be closer to family.
Thanks again for sharing your experience. I appreciate it. It’s nice to know other people’s stories.
Take care!
DR

I really took something from your article above. Thank you for posting it. I have found myself not in a great place at the moment but your words have given me some comfort and hope that i might be able to find some happiness in my life. I really hope the “wrong choices bringing us to the right places” could be true for me. I will look out for your newsletter. thank you and take care.

Thanks for this blog, it brought tears to my eyes at the end, i can go about each day feeling judged or judging myself or change my mind set, I personally now want to give myself permission as it says in your blog ‘to paint my walls any colour I want, sleep in on clean white sheets and read books so good they make you lose track of time. And just keep living and making God glad that he gave life to someone who loves and appreciates the gift.’
I want to get back to being me not everyone else’s version of what I should be !!
Please keep sending your fabulous inspirations.

I love this article. It’s as if you were talking directly to me, about me and confirming that I know exactly what I’m doing regardless if anyone else can see the changes in me. I’ve had some major failures recently. I’m nearly 50 and yes at first I fell apart. But I realized that I am a strong enough person to start from scratch even at my age and am very excited about the endless possibilities that my future holds. I forgave…I realized how blessed I am and have a feeling of contentment about me that my grown stressed out children find annoying. Thank you for this article. It was my confirmation from heaven that I hadn’t even asked for.
sincerely,
T. Smith

I like the beginning when you stated, “Let go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and sincerely appreciate it for everything that it is.” Also #8 and #10 really hit home for me. I have been looking for a new job for the last 7 months. In the meantime, my husband is self-employed and I do the book work for our business which has been on a very part time basis. This has allowed me to have a career/job of my own for the last 20+ years where I can make my own money and have not be totally dependent on only his income, but contribute. I thought I couldn’t live without a job and money of my own. Now things have changed. I’ve been pouting and feeling sorry for myself and frustrated that all the jobs I have interviewed for haven’t resulted in any offers. Yes, things HAVE changed in my life. It’s hard to embrace that change, but then I think to myself things can always be worse. Your comment stating “Eventually you’ll end up where you need to be, doing the right things, alongside the right people.” that statement gives me a feeling and sense of peace. I think…no, I KNOW where I need to be, but it’s going to take some getting used to. Thank you for the insight. I love reading your blogs, only wish I had read this earlier today. Your messages always come when I need them the most .

As always your emails keep giving me the strength to remain strong as I turn the pages to the next chapter in my journeys. And somehow it just gets better. Reminding me to release the past, forgiveness, patience and to remain in God hands and that I am never alone.

Thanks to both Marc and Angel for sharing such amazing insights! And to all the respondents, who share their own ideas. I often find myself thinking about the comments and it helps me feel more connected when life makes me feel isolated.

I am with someone who I feel doesn’t appreciate that I’m with him. He will praise them to no end. He spent $2800 on people he doesn’t know claiming they stood by him in hard times. I live with this man. I don’t get it.

This write-up came just in time. I had my first professional exam in medical school, and when the result was out I found out I failed and have to repeat the exam… But after reading this I felt some peace in my mind to forge ahead not looking at what circumstances and challenges will come my way… Thanks so much for this…

Really appreciate this opportunity to experience the joy of reading having the capabilities to understand and apply it to my daily life. This was so on time for me just what I needed I actually was thinking of these same important tools on last night .letting go of the past is absolute to live in the now.thanks a great deal. Peace and Blessing…

aaaawww marc & angel… THANK YOU! I read all your mails, but this is exactly what I needed to read today – a “yes, don’t give up, you can do it” message and a fab reminder to enjoy the simple pleasures of everyday life in spite of adversity. you have no idea how useful and helpful your work is. blessings to you and your family <3.

Thank you so much. I applied for a job, because the job I am in at present is very stressful and does not allow me to use the talents God has given me to help others. So needless to say I feel less than because I do not think I will get the job. I sometime think I am not worthy because I do not do enough to support my family monetarily. But this message makes me realize I am a good person. Thank you so. God Bless

Thank you Marc and Angel for another great post! I continue to read this one almost every day to start my day. This post has particularly spoke to me and has taught me to take life as it comes and how it’s meant to be. I used to think life should be this organized, easy, journey. But, constantly I would get disappointed by events and people on a regular basis. I’m in the process of reprogramming my mind to accept life as it is…as an unpredictable mess at times! Your post has shown me that I’m actually at the right place and the right time, and I have been able to relax more. I also try not to spend time worrying about the things out of my control, and I try to concentrate more on that which is within my control and with myself. Thanks again for all you do!!

God bless you Marc and Angel. Everything here in your post is on point for me. I can’t recall how I came across your blog, it has been several years now. Your writings moved me so that I immediately booked marked your site. I don’t know you, but you both have been a blessing to me. You are a blessing to others.

Thank you M&A for making me realize that there is nothing wrong with change and for witnessing that everything does get a bit uncomfortable when it’s time to change. I will always remind myself that I will never have to force anything that’s truly meant for me.