freshly picked, pesticide free roses*granulated sugar (about 1 cup per rose)vodkawash the roses while whole gently, and allow to dry. i swish them in a bowl of cool clean water. once the roses have air dried, carefully remove the petals. discard any that are discolored or are browning (or set aside to dry and use as potpourri). spread the petals out on paper towels while you work on the other flowers.place about a 1/4 cup of vodka in a bowl. pour sugar in a shallow dish about 1/2 inch thick. you will need more sugar, as it will get damp and become difficult to work with. do not pour in all your sugar at once. prepare a sheet pan with wax or parchment paper on it to be used for your sugared petals.dip each petal in the vodka, then lay it on the sugar. you can do 4 or 5 at a time, but work quickly, as the vodka evaporates. once you have 4 or 5 petals resting on the sugar, spoon more sugar on top. gently press the petals and turn once to coat evenly. remove from the sugar and place on parchment lined sheet pan. resist the urge to move/touch them. allow to dry about 12 hours, but can take up to 48. store in an airtight container, lined with paper towel in a single layer until ready to use.note: i used vodka rather than egg white, for ease. you can use powdered egg whites with a bit of water and have a great result. if you choose to do it this way, use a paint brush to get the whites on the flower.

*it is very important that you know firsthand that your roses are free of pesticides

combine egg whites and 1/4 cup milk with vanilla in a bowl. in a mixer fitted with the paddle attachment mix together the flour, sugar and baking powder. add to it the butter and mix until crumbly. turn the mixer to low and add the remaining 3/4 cup milk stirring until completely moist. increase the speed to medium and beat for about 1 minute. add egg white mixture 1/3 at a time, scraping down the sides between additions. stir in strawberry jam and sugared strawberries by hand. divide mixture between 2-8" pans that have been greased and lined with parchment paper. bake at 350 for about 30-40 minutes (use the skewer test to ensure the cake is baked properly). remove from the oven and allow to cool completely on a wire rack.

strawberry-pecan icing

1 lb cream cheese--at room temperature

3/4 lb unsalted butter--at room temperature

6 cups powdered sugar (more or less)
1/2 cup good strawberry jam

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp kosher salt

1 cup pecans--toasted and chopped

beat the cream cheese and butter together. if using a stand mixer, use the paddle attachment. add the jam, vanilla and salt and beat until fully combined. add the sugar 1 cup at a time. check for preferred sweetness after the 4th cup of sugar--add more if you like. i like it with the 6 cups. stir in the pecans and use to generously frost your cake.

(i don't split the layers...this is a 2 layer cake with a 1/4" thick of icing as filling)

antique match strikers in warming drawers
plants in the dishwasher
pots under the sinksorry mom

we were punting

the
butler's pantry became a wine bar

the
kitchen island, five feet of antipasti
cocktail tables were moved into the foyer
the band relocated to the living room

space was at a premium
which meant the
brazilian bbq and pizza oven
remained outside
under a canopy of umbrellas

and then
an hour before the ceremony
and me in my grubbies
we hear from the priest

not coming
forgot
had the wrong date on the calendar
no show

duck
here come the locust
or was that just me
nervously humming

let me recap
no priest
no outdoor party
food
120 people
and
a band
wedged
in the house

a happy 50th anniversary indeed

so here is what happened

i grabbed a bible
pulled some passages
wrote some intentions
found traditional vows via the internet
wrangled the grandchildren to be readers
ran a comb through my hair
put on some lipstick
and pretended
that this is exactly how it was supposed to bei figured
if i didn't acknowledge it was a disaster
the guests would be too polite to mention anything

here is how i sold it
with a glass of champagne in my hand
and a smile on my face
and this conversation starter

isn't this just so italian
drinking great wine
eating in the kitchen
laughing with friends
cinzano!

here's the thing
when the last guest left
in the wee hours of the morning
i looked at my parents
and i thought
this WAS how it should be
this party
just like a long held marriage
did not come off without a hitch
but
left within its wake
echoes of joy