It is a time of fear in the face of freedom, a time of an emptying country and swelling cities, a time for the widening of previous roads and the opening of new paths, yet a time when these paths are mined by knowing algorithms of the all-seeing eye. It is the time of the warrior's peace and the miser's charity, when the planting of a seed is an act of conscientious objection. These are the times when maps fade, old landmarks crumble and direction is lost. Forwards is backwards now, so we glance sideways at the strange lands through which we are all passing, knowing for certain only that our destination has disappeared. We are unready to meet these times, but we proceed nonetheless, adapting as we wander, reshaping the Earth with every tread. Behind us we have left the old times, the standard times, the high times. Welcome to the irregular times.

Killer Flying Squid? Who Is the Terror of the Deep?

The Daily Mail brings us a sensational story with the headline: Terror as hundreds of 5ft long creatures of the deep invade Californian coastline. “Hundreds of aggressive jumbo flying squid have appeared off the coast of San Diego, attacking divers and washing up dead on beaches,” the article warns.

Okay, it’s not exactly terror for animals that live in the ocean to wash up dead on the beach. That’s pretty normal.

Hundreds of aggressive jumbo flying squid attacking divers sounds pretty scary, though. I mean, how would someone go about escaping hundreds of squid attacking you from every direction?

Hm. It turns out that these squid don’t actually attack in the hundreds, just one or two at a time. Their “attacks” consist of pulling at the scuba equipment divers wear underwater.

Underwater? Wait a minute. I thought the Daily Mail said that these were jumbo flying squid. If they’re flying, how come they’re encountering divers underwater? It turns out that these aren’t flying squid at all. They’re just swimming, like other squid.

Oh, but there have been attacks. There have been killings – huge numbers of them. Just as the Daily Mail reports, hundreds of 5 foot-long creatures have invaded the depths off the coast of California, hungry and hunting for prey. These predators pull their struggling victims away until they are lost forever, cut up into pieces, and eaten…

… often with lemon and capers. As one of these predators explains, “Yeah, I got the awesome chance to eat that amazing fucker on Saturday Night. Chris, that was the best squid I’ve ever eaten in my life and when I was in Sushi school I ate a lot of squid.”

2 comments to Killer Flying Squid? Who Is the Terror of the Deep?

what, how many people died from them in 4 years, like one person. how many do we kill in ONE year. FUCKING THOUSANDS ASSHOLE. Nobody wants to hear about your pussy-ass life dickhead. have some respect cunt.

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