Thursday, March 29, 2007

QUESTION

a question was posted on sugars blog that hit me sideways... something I've been pondering myself for a while... "Its always best to marry someone who loves you more than you love them?...."

why i don't know. i didn't have an answer and sure as hell don't know too much about marriage. but love, i thought i knew about.

does anybody have any ideas, what might your thoughts be on it?

how much of a difference might there be, between being in love and loving someone?

does the love need to be equal and shared or can ones feelings carry the others?

can there be too much?

sorry, I'm just a little fucked up on it right now and tried to spit it out... its not coming out right so ill stop.

anyway, i said id continue on about this weekend. and why I'm looking forward to it....

I'm starting a new project that will hopefully be beneficial to me soon. that's all i can say! hahahahahaha... thought id actually tell you huh? well maybe, but not now.... enjoy the day?

oh, and sorry about not properly capitalizing things any more... spell check doesn't do it for me and I'm too lazy to go back and do it myself, so until i learn how to type with caps, this is what you get!

Hmm. I guess the idea behind that question is that if you're with someone who "loves" you "more" than you "love" them, then somehow that must equal security for you. I don't like that idea. Personally I don't like it if I perceive that someone is a lot more "into" me than vice-versa. I detest being put on a pedestal or idealized in any way, b/c then I know that person isn't really seeing me, but rather seeing someone that's a close approximation to their ideal, and they just project or fill in blanks to complete their vision of a perfect person. It's a tremendous burden for the project-ee to carry. I literally get irritated when given too many compliments, to the point where I will end up doing things to shatter that person's unrealistic picture of what's in front of them. So I guess I'm saying I would never marry someone who "loved" me more than I did them. Couples should walk an equal distance to each other, and a balance in give and take maintained. In an ideal world that balance is maintained simply b/c they care about each other. Having said that, I think some people are more satisfied giving, and some are more satisfied feeling they are the center of attention. Those situations can sorta work as long as the couple is comfortable with it.

As far as love? I can talk all the way around it. But I don't really know what it is.

I must agree with black egg, especially the part about filling in blanks and fulfilling someones "ideal". I really don't know what love is anymore. I used to think I knew, but that faded and went away. Then I was sure I knew what it was, but that turned out to be nothing but a lot of smoke, mirrors and dillusions. Now I have to admit I'm in a little bit of shell shock. Post traumatic stress. Who knew, "love is a battlefield!?" (wtf? Did I just say that?) Here I am now and your asking a question that I've asked myself before. At one time I thought it was true: It is better to marry someone who loves you more. Now, no. I don't think so. I did that.All that pressure, the burden of holding up all those expectations! The constant feeling that something is missing...But is it better to love someone more than they love you?God no! That is by far the worst predicament to be in ever. The best you can hope for is that the object of your affection will be kind, and at worst you will only set yourself up for heartache and dissapointment (to the accompaniment of your preferred method of intoxication!)Love: you demonic little fuckwit! You find a way to screw us all!I don't know what more to say. But perhaps this: Love makes the world go round. Grab it while you can. Let the best of it fill you up and let the worst of it be a lesson in what not to do.

When in doubt, rub it out...

This space is here to fill the void in my creativity. I come here to bitch and moan, to make people laugh sometimes and to vent some things that would normally help me self destruct. I don't give a shit if people like what they see, that's not what this is about. It's about me, me, me... If none of that matters to you, we will probably all get along.