Julie Parker

Z is for zombie

“They’re a bit bite-y.” Shawn of the Living Dead

If you have younger brothers, you may be familiar with the “game” of them bugging you by parroting everything you say or relentlessly shadowing you. “Stop following me!” I would shriek. That’s why I found old zombie movies annoying, rather than frightening. Just when you were thought you were safe from childhood memories …

There’s a hilarious black-and-white video mocking those old movies. A young man and woman are conversing in a cemetery, when a zombie slowly sneaks up on them. Initially, they cower in terror, but it’s moving so slowly, the man casually reaches out and pushes it over, and returns to the conversation.

By the way, they are flesh-eating creatures. There are six Night of the Living Dead movies, and zombies do not eat brains in any of them. Now you know.

I’m curious as to why people find them so fascinating. There are zombie bowling leagues, and zombie train rides where passengers are armed with air rifles to shoot at zombies through windows. Of course, Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video airs each spooky season. Is he a zombie now? Asking for a friend.

During an evening urban walk with a hiking group, I walked alongside a young woman who explained to me in great detail the difference between regular zombies and 28-day zombies. She then proceeded to share her intricate survivor plans in case of attack from either group.

Life is imbued enough with the dark side. I don’t have a need to pursue it. For those of you who, like me, prefer libation over dead nation, I salute you with a glass of Zombie (four rums, gee-zus), and a wish that all your Halloween dreams come true.