My Worst Enemy

Have realized it lately , my best friend was always taking advantage of me , I thought he was always there when I needed him, then I started living my life with doubts surrounding me day and day out. trying to look for standards set up by other people around me and even trying harder to live up to their satisfaction, where was my best friend then?, I know my best friend is my worst enemy, I have been seeking approvals from others and that is why I have been filled with disappointments all the time. Then I realized its all because of my best friend. I didn’t have standards of mine own I looked for the ones which others had set up, I was not myself and had lost it somewhere in between the lines. My best friend didn’t tell me about it at all.
Have always been scared about what he thinks about me, what she thinks about me, the thought that the thoughts of other people towards me could have been good or bad, have always wanted to know what have they perceived about me, their perception mattered a lot to me, I have been living a life where I am an unfit but still my best friend never told me that. He is my worst enemy.
Now I am assured and I can say that my best friend is my worst enemy, I have never taken a deep breadth because thought I never needed one, and that was because I never did anything which required me to do so, never had an opportunity to be scared of the results, never been able to have sleepless nights, actually I was not doing anything which had me in it, it was someone else altogether. Me, I was missing from all the episodes of my life, and let me tell you again, my best friend never told me about it.

The other day I was standing in front of a huge building made of marble and it is supposed to be one of the most beautiful monuments in the world, I didn’t like it, but I did not have the courage to say, I didn’t like it, everyone around me was so mesmerized with the view that even I, unwillingly tried to loose myself in the beauty of that building, very sad but I had to go through it. Thought my friend would be my strength and courage and would teach me something about life but he didn’t, I think he never cared to. I have never fought, never been scratched, never been angry, have never tried something new, life for me has been very smooth, life was never a battle and hey now I realize I will die having never tried.

Who said I am in charge of my destiny; it’s me who decides how will I live my life? I didn’t say that, and my friend did not ever tell me that I was supposed to say that. When I was trying to get myself to the standards of others he never told me that if someone thinks that I am not fit to be with them because I am not of their standard then its their problem not mine, may be they have set theirs standards too high or may be too low. But the tragedy is he never did.

He is my worst enemy , he never allowed me to put myself first anywhere in life, hey I have loved everybody around me and I haven’t loved myself yet, that I think is sad, when I can love other , why cant I love myself ? I believe I am worthy of being loved. He never told me so.
I have had no values of mine own and even if I have had I have never been truthful to them, I have never spoken up when I have not agreed to something said by someone else, I have felt what I feel does not matter, what others feel about me matters a lot, so I have always had my mouth shut. I have never believed in myself because the only person I believed and trusted was my best friend and he betrayed me.

I have been scared for not being perfect in life, there were times when I have known that I have lost everything, but never had the courage to fight back, I was always missing my best friend and he was never there. I have talked a lot about my best friend, will now tell you who he is, he is me, or the individual inside me.

Its you who decides what is right and what is wrong for you, its you , the individual , its your identity , its your life, don’t bother about what people think, don’t feel sad when you know people disagree, they are individuals they have the right to disagree so do you. There’s nothing wrong in thinking good about yourself, there’s nothing wrong in saying you are nice and you need to be heard, you are human and realize that, yon are special in one way or the other, you need not be the prefect one, no one is. You can just be you. Do not give in for pressures in life, fight them, win over and come out as your self, don’t loose yourself in the dominant thoughts of the ever confused society, they may be right but you are not wrong either. The most important thing is to know and say “I am what I am”.