Wintercoatby Angus Shoor Caan

Genre:Humour.Swearwords: A lot of strong ones.Description:Don't try to pull the wool over this pair's eyes..._____________________________________________________________________"Hi Di.""Hullo Flo, what d'you know?""I've heard the shearers are coming, either tomorrow or the next day.""Aw fuck, no.""Wassup Di?""Well, it's taken me months to grow this wintercoat, you too I'd imagine.""So?""Think about it Flo, it's still fucking winter in my book. That frost this morning would have frozen us to the spot if we didn't have our wintercoats. Am I right or am I right?""You're never far wrong Di I must admit but might I point out, when that sun gets going it can be a little uncomfortable, wouldn't you agree?"My point is, it's taken me months to grow it, I should have a say on when it comes off.""Not much you can do about it Di is there?""Hmm, I'm not so sure Flo.""Go on, I'm listening, I'm all ears, all wool and ears hehe.""Yeah, funny.""I'm sorry Di, you were saying?""The wagon comes for the pigs tomorrow, takes them to that holiday camp down the road there.""Yes?""I'm for jumping the wall and sneaking on with them.""You never are?""I am Flo, my solemn oath on that, you know they get the best of food down there, meat even. Have you ever caught a whiff of the place when the wind's in the right direction?""Well, yes.""Smells yummy, I've been a vegetarian for as long as I can remember, since I was a lamb in fact but I'd change the habits of a lifetime to get out of this field for a few days.""What about the dog Di?""That's another good reason for getting the fuck out of here, I'm sick of him snapping at my heels, sick to the back teeth I am.""Understandable that.""In fact, I was thinking only this morning, next time he does it I'm going to shit all over his nose.""Don't talk to me about shit Di.""Oh yes, I was forgetting about that unfortunate incident with the cow.""Unfortunate my arse, it was totally deliberate.""Not so Flo, not the way I saw it.""Go on then Di, tell me how you perceived it.""You had your back to the wall, munching away at the grass there. The cow had her back to the wall in the next field, you know they don't care a shit where they shit. She lifted her tail and let fly, you got the lot all over your back end.""It was a mess Di, a stinking fucking mess.""Actually Flo, I haven't told you this before, but a few of the girls were quite envious when it finally dried, myself included.""How so?""It was like a fashion statement of sorts, quite attractive really, attractive and different.""Well I never, I didn't know that, how does it look now Di, still good?""Not really, more two tone now, a bit drab in fact truth be told.""I'll be glad to be rid of it if that's the case, wintercoat or no wintercoat.""You've changed your tune.""Maybe so but I'm still for nipping over the wall to that other field Di.""Why would you want to do that Flo?""The grass is so much greener, lusher, is that a word, lusher?""If it isn't it fucking well should be.""Maybe I'll wait until the new tup's been.""New tup, new tup, you kept that one quiet didn't you?""The old ram's been retired, didn't you hear? I thought it was common knowledge Di.""No Flo, so when's he due?""Not sure Di, It'll be a while yet 'til we're in season but you can bet I'll be first in the queue when they let him loose. I'll give that new tup the best thirty five seconds of his young life, mark my words.""Oh Flo, you are a one, by the way, something about those pigs I've noticed.""What's that Di?""They never seem to come back from their holidays.""Hmm, must be enjoying themselves too much huh?""Must be, anyway, I'm off to lie in the shade of yonder tree, that sun's too hot for me.""It's the wintercoat does that, I'll follow you up.""Why so Flo?""Because I'm a fucking sheep Di and that's what sheep do.""No argument there Flo, after ewe, hehe, get it Flo, after ewe, hehehehe.""Ho-hum, whatever Di, whatever."

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About the Author

Angus Shoor Caan is in his 50s, an ex-seaman and rail worker. Born and bred in sunny Saltcoats, he returned to Scotland after many years in England and found the time to begin writing. He is inspired by the Ayrshire coast and likes what he calls "real music". He also enjoys pool, snooker and is a big fan of rugby league side, Wigan Warriors.He has written several novels and one poetry collection and says that writing gives him "endless pleasure".Angus tells us that he’s waiting to be interviewed by local radio to discuss his first novel, Scoosh.“They've had a copy for a few weeks now,” he says, “and are deliberating as to how they should go about introducing it, since some of the content is a bit near the knuckle.”His two ebooks can be viewed by clicking on the images below.