Our Dumbass of the Day today, Derek Rader, resides in Orlando, Florida. Derek got busted not for drug running or smuggling Cubans into the country, he was nabbed because he bought illegal cockroaches on the internet! It looks as though Derek forged a permit to import this particular kind of cucaracha, since only organizations such as zoos are permitted to own them, and even they have to follow strict protocol when they do have them. It should also be noted that this kind of roach is considered an invasive species (like Yankees who move to Florida) by state biology-type guys. This information leads us to the conclusion that Derek is a dumbass.

Derek the Dumbass has been charged with forging a public record certificate, fraud and introduction of pests that affect plant life. Although the cops and whatever other state officials aren't sure what the dumbass was going to do with the roaches, they did note that the roachus dumbassus are soft-shelled and high in protein content. I have a question here. How the hell do the state official dumbasses know that these bugs are protein-rich? Did they have some for breakfast and one the guys says, "Wow! These foreign cockroaches are chock full of protein! You can taste it in every bite!" Do they have a tiny protein meter they stick up the roach's little hiney that measures protein levels?" These are questions that demand answers! But, I digress.

Being from Texas, I have seen my fair share of roaches and agree that some dumbass ordering an invasive variety of the little shit eaters should be punished. Lock the dumbass up and put him on work detail. His duties should include washing, drying, folding and replacing all the tiny little towels in every roach motel in Orlando. The Dumbass.