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Man admits to having a quiet day at work

A carpet fitter from Preston, Lancs, has told how of his life has been made a misery after he inadvertently mentioned to his wife that he had had a quiet day at work.

‘I’m gutted,’ explained Keith Earnshaw, 49, ‘normally I just have to collapse in my armchair when I get back from work, huff and puff a bit and suddenly my slippers are on and my tea’s on the table. But the other day I just blurted out that I’d not actually been up to much – next thing you know my tea’s back in the oven and I’m up a ladder cleaning out the guttering. I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.’

Earnshaw has made his plight public in the hope that other married men will learn from his mistake. ‘For Christ’s sake, never admit to your missus that you haven’t had a busy day – they can’t stand the idea of us men not actually working. At the slightest hint of inaction they will whip out a list of jobs that need doing around the house before you can start reading the paper.’

He also warns against getting over complacent; ‘and don’t think they’ll forget about it either – they have memories like an elephant. She still won’t shut up about that time in 1995, when I had that affair with that prostitute.’