Here is your first class action suite for GDPR (and why it is stupid)

As an experiment, I decided to ask Google to remove all my contributions to the Google Maps Local Guides scheme. For those of you not aware, Google Maps uses volunteers to improve maps. And we do a lot. They have gamified the process, which makes me a Level 9 guide (of 10 levels) thanks to thousands of reviews, ratings and photos seen by millions of users that I have uploaded. So what happens if I want to leave?

Joke No2. It is not easy to even find what to do if you are not OK with the above Joke No1. Suppose you look hard, you will find somewhere under legal a procedure. So you fill in a form. Already we are way out of GDPR, this is not easy or intuitive.

Joke No3. Google doesn’t even have a human to respond. Their first email is generic:

“Thanks for reaching out to us!

We have received your legal request. We receive many such complaints eachday; your message is in our queue, and we’ll get to it as quickly as ourworkload permits.

Due to the large volume of requests that we experience, please note that wewill only be able to provide you with a response if we determine yourrequest may be a valid and actionable legal complaint, and we may respondwith questions or requests for clarification. For more information onGoogle‘s Terms of Service, please visit http://www.google.com/accounts/TOS

Regards,The Google Team”

Whoops! Under GDPR, referring to fine print just doesn’t cut it. Even if the judge hadn’t slammed the hammer and demanded gazillions before, now he can.

If you need to send additional information in relation to your request, please respond to the email confirmation you receive after you send in the form. If you have already filled out the above form, your request will be processed shortly.

If you need to send additional information in relation to your request, please respond to the email confirmation you receive after you send in the form.

If you have already filled out the above form, your request will be processed shortly.

Regards,The Google Team”

This is pretty bad. The bot didn’t even get it right. So I send “This request does NOT concern blocking information. The form you are sending me to is irrelevant. Please get a homo sapiens to respond.” And the bot insists: “After reviewing your submission, we weren’t able to fully understand your request. If you send us more details to clarify your concerns, we will investigate further.”

Joke No5.

Luckily for Google, I am on their side, so I explain with plenty links.

“I am a Google maps local guide. Level 9 in fact. This means I have made thousands of contributions. However if I want to remove these contributions, there is no automatic way of doing it.Under GDPR this should be possible more easily. Manually deleting tens of thousands of comments, reviews and photos is not practical or even feasible.

If you need to send additional information in relation to your request, please respond to the email confirmation you receive after you send in the form.

If you have already filled out the above form, your request will be processed shortly.”

Now, if you follow that last link, it is as unGDPR as humanly possible. And it is off topic, it won’t even work if I request it like that.

I really need no further proof than the above emails to sue Google under GDPR. Will it work? Hell yeah! Class action? Easily! Google has been pushing users on to Local Guides for ages, millions of Android users are on it already. Will I do it? Of course not. GDPR is ridiculous, useless and bureaucratic for no reason. Google Maps is useful and Local Guides wonderful.

This is a complicated world but useful trumps EuroBureaucracy every time. Even well meaning European initiatives are counter productive when they are implemented like this. A horse designed by a Euro Committee isn’t even a camel, it is a monster that can’t walk. GDPR is not enforceable in any practical sense, it is simply the threat of a vindictive consumer.