In every generation there is a Chosen One. I alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of Netflix. I am the slayer! And these are my chronicles while watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer for the first time…. as a 35 year old woman. That’s right – I am a Buffy virgin.

Today we will be talking about Season 3, Episode 4. If you’re (re)watching with me, tell me what you thought about this episode in the comments!

Season 3, Episode 4: Beauty And The Beasts

Soooo….um….yeah… this is boring.

Guys – Buffy Fans – I’m talking to you. Please tell me that sometimes you thought the show was boring? Because as of this episode, things have been pretty fun and fast paced – but Beauty and The Beasts was a total snoozer. I can sum it up in 3 different pieces:

Wolfy-Changes:

Let’s talk about Oz. We all know that Oz is a werewolf. And we know that Willow is into that kind of thing, I guess, or something like that. Sure. And we also know that Oz isn’t Wolfy all the time – just during the full moon. With me still? Yes? Okay, we also know that Oz needs to be locked up during the full moon so he won’t eat people. That’s nice. Yes? But we know all these things. It’s nothing new.

The only thing we find out that’s new about OZ is that apparently his wolfy-self got a face lift. Really? Yes – really.

Season 2

Season 3

Okay…. that’s weird. What happened to long snout, big teeth, eat-little-girls-with-red-capes Oz? I guess now he’s more man vs. wolf? But if we’re being honest, he looks like some mutated “planet of the apes” character. I’m not impressed. Actually, I’m just confused.

Mr. Veiny Rage Monster:

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr – that’s all I got.

Pete (pictured above) came out of no where. I actually was confused by both him and Debbie (his wimpy girlfriend) because they just show up on the show. Apparently they are Scott’s friends (if you can’t remember Scott, don’t worry, I don’t care to describe him, since it’s my prediction he won’t be around for very long). Let’s get back to Mr. Veiny. He’s just gross. All I could think about when Mr. Veiny was on screen was how he looked like an oversized steroid-penis. Not that I know what an oversized steroid-penis looks like. Please believe me when I say that I have no idea what that may look like. But I have an imagination, and Pete’s face makes me think of that.

I can appreciate that the storyline between Pete and Debbie was more about how people shouldn’t stay in abusive relationships. I get it. Thanks for the solid reminder.

I won’t hit you again, I promise for the 100th time…. (liar)

But Mr. Veiny Rage Monster was just too much. I was so glad to see him die – not only because he was an awful person but because I was bored by him. Good riddance.

Angel Needs Therapy:

Angel is back. YAY!!! This is a good thing. I’m more excited about this than I probably should be, but I would looooooove for Buffy and Angel to get back together.

But Angel being back has proved to be complicated. He doesn’t remember who he is for most of the episode. Actually he pretty much acts like a rabid dog. Snarling, growling, and drooling all included.

He’s so bad – and so out of control, Buffy has to call upon her magic dungeon and chain Angel up like a medieval prisoner.

Don’t….don’t look at me Buffy… I’m hideous.

It takes the whole episode for Buffy to watch over Angel, while trying to talk to him before he eventually snaps out of it. But what’s crazy is that he snaps out of it only after killing Mr. Veiny Rage Monster Penis Head. I guess after seeing something as scary as Pete – that would wake anyone up.

Now Buffy is faced with a very serious dilemma. Does she stay with new beau Scott, who is normal, can see Buffy during the day AND the night, and is roughly the same age? Or does she go back to Angel because they sealed the deal with sex a claddagh ring, is super dashing, and is wise beyond his years (mainly because he’s 235 yrs old).