One woman's journey through TTC after 35, from unexplained infertility to pregnancy and parenthood via donor egg IVF

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Recap of my morning

Went to bed early (as I usually do), planning to get up even earlier than usual (5:30 to my usual 5:45 wake-up time)

Heard MJ "talking" to himself a minute before my alarm went off

Realized I wouldn't be able to take the walk with the dog as I had planned because MJ was awake and was reluctant to start the yoga DVD due to a high probability of being interrupted by the boys

Heard AJ also "talking" with MJ (we have a house rule that we don't get either of the boys out of their cribs before 6:00 a.m. unless he is crying; part of sleep training)

Lay in bed for a little while until I realized I hadn't heard MJ or AJ for a few minutes and they had likely fallen back asleep

Quietly got up and went to the bathroom

Was about to feed the dog when I realized MJ was awake (again), and shortly after, MJ started fussing/crying

Realized it was just after 6:00 and that MM was not awake (as he should be by that time)

Went in to wake MM up, could now hear both boys crying/fussing

Got both boys out of their cribs and brought them to dining area for breakfast

Both boys cried when they were set down on their feet, and AJ continued to cry inconsolably while being placed in his high chair

Quickly poured two sippy cups of milk and gave them to the boys; AJ continued to cry

Went back to kitchen to cut up banana for boys, opened dishwasher to retrieve cutting board and found cutting board dirty

Assumed dishwasher had not been run and asked MM about this as he walked into the kitchen

Was screamed at by MM for "attacking" him when he "just got up"

Fed dog

Went in and got ready for work

Yelled at again by MM for waking him up and "criticizing" him for cutting board not being clean as I prepared to walk out the door

Responded with a few choice words of my own

Headed off in the dark to my beloved (ha!) job, several minutes behind schedule, without having had breakfast

All of this happened before 6:45 a.m. And I wonder why I feel stressed out most of the time.

Second counseling session tonight at 8:00. Unless she can give me 28 hours in a day, not sure what she can suggest that would be even remotely helpful. (Her first suggestion at our initial session last Friday was that I need to "find some ways to cut back." HA!)

6 comments:

Can you outline a stressful part of your day for her and ask her for more specific ways you can pare back?

Like, from this, I would say - pour the sippy cups out at night and leave them in the fridge, and decide what to serve for breakfast/prep as much as possible. Everything is easier and less stressful without stereo screaming. And talk to your husband about him getting up 15 minutes earlier WITH you so that you can BOTH get everything ready for the day and have a little more leeway if something crops up. (And then maybe if your mornings are less crazy, the rest of the day can follow through a little easier too.)

And herein lies part of the problem. . . my husband is the one who is supposed to be getting up ON HIS OWN, at 6:00 a.m., to prepare the boys' breakfast and serve it to them. In theory, I'm not even supposed to have to get them out of their cribs. Care to guess how often that actually happens in practice?

Had my husband done what he is supposed to do, breakfast prep would've been underway when I heard that the boys were up, and I could've just carried them out to their high chairs. Instead, I had to wake him (like he's 12 years old) and start everything myself.

So, maybe part of the counseling has to be how to productively talk to your husband about that?

"Paring back" doesn't necessarily mean "things don't get done" - sometimes it means delegating responsibility. And if you're stressed to the point of being in counseling, it's time for him to step up and do his part. Maybe he truly doesn't realize how much he's adding to your burden.

When I need my husband to wake up and help me with the kids, I dump the kids on top of him in bed. So that's an option too. "Go get Daddy" was taught as soon as they could walk, as was "tickle his feet" :)

I have some of my own "DH" issues going on, so I feel your pain. Mine has more to do with him having zero patience which in turn equals him yelling and swearing out of frustration. Not at me, but more "at nothing" (but really at the babies/Liam). It does not jive with me at all and just make stressful times in my house worse for me.

So if our husbands were perfect, everything would be fine. Ha. I kid. kind of. :)

I think your dealing with a common husband issue. It seems most of my friends deal with the same things, with a few rare exceptions. The advice given to me was to plan as if I had to do it all on my own, it seems to fly in the face of partnership to me so I'm reluctant to do it. The truth is, my stubbornness in expecting him to be more...aware (?) is causing me more grief. I have no good answer for you.

About Me

We started trying to conceive our first child in April 2008. I am now 45, my husband (who I call "MM" here) is now 43.
Our infertility has been "unexplained," and the only explanation our local RE ever offered for our inability to conceive was "old eggs."
We did a DE IVF cycle in June 2011, and it worked! Our twin boys were born in January 2012, just past 34 weeks.

Welcome! During our time trying to become parents, I wrote here about my thoughts and feelings related to dealing with infertility and its treatment, eventually about my pregnancy with our twin boys. I now write sporadically about parenthood after infertility and whatever else runs through my mind. Thanks for visiting.

If you are a parent via egg donation, or considering using donor eggs, I highly recommend the non-profit organization Parents Via Egg Donationas a resource for you.

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