How many White Sox players are All-Stars?

Mark Buehrle - Maybe if he was a distinguished veteran who played his whole career in a huge market (yes, this is a dig at Andy Pettitte, how'd you guess?) and was pitching for an offensive juggernaut, Mark's 4.60 ERA might have produced enough wins to make him the one All-Star pitcher everyone complains about, especially after he has a 5-run inning that decides the game. Mark plays for the White Sox though, and he's 6-6. He hasn't been consistently mediocre either, he's vacillated wildly between good and terrible.

John Danks - John is having the quintessential 'good player, but not an All-Star' year. For as many times as his changeup has looked crisp and he's thrown strikes at will, he's had plenty of outings where's he labored mightily and looked like he might lose 20 lbs via sweat. Sometimes a 7-6 record does tell you something

Gavin Floyd - As good as anyone since June 8th. The season started in April.

Freddy Garcia - Surprisingly effective, surprisingly not bad WHIP (1.34). All-Star teams are not composed of guys where you're shocked when they have good stats.

Tony Pena - The day the All-Star team reserves a spot for mop-up guys, Tony and D.J. Carrasco could be perennials. But we live in the real world, where stupid things don't just happen unless money is involved.

J.J Putz- Pretty awesome stats, but not only isn't the closer, but isn't even the prime set-up man. Abominable fire-engine red soul patch is also a minus.

Sergio Santos - We're not picking the 2013 All-Star team at this moment.

Matt Thornton - As good as it gets in the 7th and 8th, but took a dive in his stats earlier this month when three straight years of being ridden into the ground caught up with him. Also looks like he just ate 20 pounds of Indian food every time he's asked to close.

Erick Threets - Literally no chance at all.

Bobby Jenks - The save percentage is there, but I'm pretty sure I would eat my own tongue if he was selected.

Randy Williams - Hilarious.

Catchers

Ramon Castro - As much as MLB is trying to shed the image of roided out muscle freaks, they don't want to overcompensate either.

A.J. Pierzynski - Back in 1920's, A.J. Pierzynski would be considered a fantastic hitting catcher. He'd also get ejected from every game.

Infielders

Gordon Beckham - Would be a shoe-in for the Triple-A All-Star game. Hint, hint.

Paul Konerko - The first legitimate case! Paulie is on pace for a monster 45 HR, 127 RBI year, but is facing a logjam. Despite sitting at .976, Konerko is 4th among AL 1st basemen in OPS behind Morneau, Cabrera, and Youkilis. Maybe he'll get a sympathetic old man vote, maybe Joe Girardi will screw over the Red Sox by passing over Youkilis. Maybe the fact that there's a DH in this game will yield an extra slot. Maybe not.

Brent Lillibridge - An OPS of 1.333 doesn't lie. Unless it's in only 6 at bats.

Alexei Ramirez - Uh, he's just starting to justify being a starter, let's be satisfied with that.

Dayan Viciedo - Very, very not ready.

Mark Teahen - Might not be healthy for the All-Star game, and in any case; no.

Omar Vizquel - If we're assembling an over-40 team, or best defensive players of the 1990's team, or even the All-Bald Team, he's an obvious choice. Otherwise a terrible, terrible choice.

Outfielders

Andruw Jones - Blast! Why did the season have to keep going?!?!?! Ever since April 25th it's pretty much been alllllll bad.

Juan Pierre - Does the base-stealing champ get an automatic spot on the team? Are you saying Miguel Cabrera won't need a pinch runner at some point?!!? No justice! No peace!

Carlos Quentin - He's already made the All Not-Stars team according to Sports Illustrated, and I'm pretty sure double-dippin is frowned upon. I don't know why he'd be invited back after he went 0-4 and dropped the F-bomb on national TV during the '08 game.

Alex Rios - Despite being in a bit of a slump of recent, still ranks third amongst AL outfielders in OPS, on top of his being 7th in the AL in stolen bases and providing solid if not spectacular defense in centerfield. Since when is outfield a somewhat shallow position for the All-Star game?! Alex has seemed like the one surefire All-Star all year, and well...he is.

Designated Hitter

Mark Kotsay - Heh, heh, designated for assignment -- zing!

Seriously, you can't justify his presence if he's not playing defense.

So, the final tally is thus:

You got four guys who have played at All-Star levels all season long: Thornton, Putz, Konerko, and Rios.

Two guys who might actually make the All-Star team: Paul Konerko and Alex Rios.

One guy who's a surefire bet due to the way his position shakes out and the fact that every team needs one rep: Rios.

Paulie may be the unstoppable, ever-reliable masher of this team, but everyone else's unstoppable, ever-reliable masher plays 1st base too. I'm as upset as you are. Paulie deserves it.