1. Forgive yourself

You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”

However there are several reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.

First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use up all of your emotional energy.

This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do in order to make up for it.

Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.

But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…

2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility

When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.

So you will need the time until you confer with your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.

As difficult as it is, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.

For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.

Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.

For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is going on occasionally”.

This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them further away.

So take full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. My Husband’s Back Poem Analysis

3. Make promises for the future

Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.

For instance:

“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.

I’m happy to give you access to all of my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am happy to give you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.

I truly want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” My Husband’s Back Poem Analysis

4. Accept your spouse’s reaction

A common assumption that a spouse often makes is that when they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.

And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”

The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.

So don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.

It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by your partner’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.

Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your initial instinct — since it will only undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.

And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for whatever they have done.

All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. My Husband’s Back Poem Analysis

5. Follow your apology up with positive actions

Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to heal your spouse’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship repairing.

Apologies need to be backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.

If you have betrayed your spouse in some manner, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — do not attempt to hide or cover anything up.

Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.

This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.

And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is nice, but it’s not going to have exactly the identical impact as constant small steps to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you appreciate them.

Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. My Husband’s Back Poem Analysis

1. Forgive yourself

You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”

But there are several reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.

First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use all of your emotional energy up.

This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do in order to compensate for it.

Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.

But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…

2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility

In regards to saying sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to work.

So you need the time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.

As hard as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes once you go to confer with them.

For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.

Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.

For example: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.

This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you’re BLAMING your partner — that is just going to push them further away.

So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. My Husband’s Back Poem Analysis

3. Make promises for the future

Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.

For instance:

“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.

I am happy to give you open access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you open access to every one my account and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.

I really wish to make this work and will do anything is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” My Husband’s Back Poem Analysis

4. Accept your spouse’s reaction

A frequent assumption that a partner frequently makes is that when they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or angry and give forgiveness to them.

And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”

The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.

So don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.

Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.

Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your initial instinct — since it will undo the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.

And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they’ve done.

All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves that the changes in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. My Husband’s Back Poem Analysis

5. Follow your apology up with positive actions

Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t enough on its own to heal your spouse’s hurt and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship repairing.

Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.

If you have betrayed your spouse in some manner, the biggest key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.

Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.

This might seem over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be regained, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.

And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you have messed up is fine, but it is not likely to get the identical effect as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you value them.

Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. My Husband’s Back Poem Analysis