Saturday, January 31, 2009

We bloggers are a quirky and tight fraternity. Of all the bloggers I talk shop with, Earl Capps is my closest buddy. Where my blog usually just scuffs the surface of a topic, and I occasionally take a trip down Immature Avenue, Earl's posts are more in-depth, professional and smarter - except when he gets on a William Shatner kick....

Earl and I had a month long run of back and forth Shatner clips last year - some better than others...I'm skimming across The Blogland, and there it was - a new Shatner-related YouTube clip. Not being one to pass up on a challenge - friend though it be - I went to work. Here is what I got....

This is a trailer for the 1966 cult film. 'Incubus', starring The Shat. The unique thing about this movie, aside from the classic 1960's horror film quality, is that it is the only filmed spoken entirely in Esparanto. I have no idea what Esparanto is, but I heard that it's a language that is entirely made up, with no basis whatsoever.... I think that makes it blogworthy.

Well, the $815 Billion Economic Stimulus bill was passed by the House of Representatives this week , by a vote of 244-188. That was the good news for Barack Obama. The bad news was that after numerous attempts to reach across the aisle with the Republicans, Obama was unable to get one of them to vote for the bill. Yep, he got a big, fat zero.

Now, does that mean that Obama completely failed, that the GOP will plan on trying to block everything Obama tries, and that we're in for another four years of partisan bickering? I don't think so..

I for one think Obama did a good job of trying to make the GOP feel like their input mattered in the process, even if Nancy Pelosi didn't even call to get the GOP's help. That will hurt in the end, because the bill the House passed will not make it through the Senate - and it shouldn't. But, at least Obama put out the olive branch, which is more than Pelosi did.

And what about the GOP? Is this a flat out rebuff of Obama. No again. House GOP leaders also gave a lot of credit and appreciation for Obama' efforts, and made a special point to tell Obama that they didn't reject him, just the bill. They were right to do so. For an 'economic stimulus' bill, this puppy just has way to many things on it that have nothing to do with the economy. Yeah, any program is bound to create a few jobs, but lots of them need to be included on other bills, not bobtailed as stimulus..

Now for the most important part. Whether or not Obama has any GOP support, it does not matter. The Democrtas don't need the GOP's help to pass ro block anything. Their majorities are solid, they introduce the legislation, they pass it. The veto-proof 60 Dems that they talk about in the Senate is irrelevant as well. The veto override only matters if the President is from the other party. DC is all Democrat right now.

I could talk about what the GOP needs to get back any power, but that involves America going backwards, and I don't put party politics above America succeeding. I'm pretty cool like that. It's all up to the Democrats right now. They have the power, but like the saying goes, 'careful what you wish for.'... I will quote a line from 'Charlie Wilson's War', about the Zen parable of the little boy and the horse. No, I couldn't find a YouTube clip of it.

"A young boy in the village gets a horse for his 13th birthday, and everyoen in the village says, 'what a great thing'. The local Zen Master says 'We'll See."..... A few months later, the boy falls off the horse, and breaks his legs, crippling him, and the villagers say, 'Oh my, what a terrible thing.' The local Zen Master replies, 'We'll See.' ..... A couple years later, war breaks out, and all the young men are drafted into the army, except him, and all the villagers think, 'What a lucky boy'..... the Zen Master's reply? 'We'll See.'

Alright folks, the big game is just about here. Steelers and the Cards.. Nearly all of my friends are Steeler fans, so while I feel glad for them getting this far, I'm not sure I can deal with a Steeler win. However, I may not have a choice.

So, who's going to win? It is an interesting comparison. You know what to expect from the Steeler D, but the Cards sure can throw the ball. Then again, Kurt Warner can definitely get thrown off of his game by a pass rush like Pittsburgh's. But, the Cardinal D has been playing over their heads all post season too. Then again...

So, who am I picking? I'll say this: The Cardinals remind me a lot of the Giants last year. They're peaking at the right time, and they have the best player on the field - WR Larry Fitzgerald. They may call Troy Polamalu 'The Beast', but Fitzgerald just catches EVERYTHING thrown his way.. Also, I think the Steelers offense is too vanilla, and Arizona might have an easier time than with the other teams they've played. Pittsburgh hasn't had to deal with an Offense like the Cards all year, and the track in Tampa will be very fast. They won't be playing on that slop in Heinz Field tomorrow.

Do I really believe all this? No, not really. But, I have a Steeler fan buddy who i superstitious as all hell, and I'm sure he would think I'd hex the Steel Curtain by picking them, so I'm going with the Cardinals. I couls still put the Malocchio on Arizona, but time is running out...Cardinals 27-24 in OT.

Here's some kids who disagree with me - but i do have to give them credit for picking a Pat Benatar song.. And not using Guitar Hero. Thanks, Bob.

Friday, January 30, 2009

And in the competition to be the RNC talking head, aka The Impossible Gig, former Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele won the job after six vote counts, finally winning a majority of 91-77 over SC GOP Chair Katon Dawson today.

There are a couple of theories behind Steele's win today. First off, his name recognition. Secondly, he was considered the most moderate of the six candidates. Thirdly, and I hope this wasn't why - his color. It is an interesting dichotomy of the GOP recruiting and electing African-Americans to leadership posts. While those of us who know SC Executive Committeeman Glenn McCall , and why voting for him was an easy choice, there are other difficulties...

Truly, it is a Catch-22for the GOP. While we may never be on equal footing with the Democrats with regards to attracting minorities, the effort still had to be made. Unfortunately, when we do elect minorities, it is still viewed as a token gesture - a pick to attract press. Maybe someday we will have enough African-Americans, Hispanics and other groups in the fold that it won't be looked at in that manner. I think so, but just like the Democrats, it could take decades. For now, we'll just have to be viewed as the trailblazers in the party that broke the mold just a little bit.

Michale Steele is now the RNC Chair - but which Michael Steele is it? Hopefull not the bass player from this band...

Hey, What Has Pinstripes and Smells Like Mariah Carey and Jessica Biel?

Nevermind that question - I think we all know the answer to that. As a lifelong Yankee fan, Derek Jeter has always been a guy to look up to. He's a solid player, he doens't talk trash, he's been a good member of the community - and he's had a list of hotties that anyone would envy. So, it comes as a bit of a shock today to hear that he may not be as perfect as we all thought..

Like we posted last fall, Yankee Stadium closed it's door after 86 years. When a place like that closes, looters can be found everywhere - and there were. While dozens were arrested, apparently one of the thieves got away scot-free: Jeter.

Yep, it seems that Jeter pilfered his favorite item from the Yankee's lockeroom: a sign that reads a famous quote from Joe DiMaggio - "Every day, I thank God I am a New York Yankee." Actually, I think that quote was origianlly atttributed to a guy who played for the San Diego Padres, but it didn't stick...........

So, should we expect to see Derek Jeter in court in the Bronx soon? Don't count on it. Jeter could rob a pack of nuns, and he'd still get away with it. Like all the girls in Long Island say... "Oh My GAWD, Derek Jeter is like, SO FUCKIN' HAWT !!!!!"..

Thursday, January 29, 2009

What Do the Girl Scouts and the Mailman Have to Do With a Crappy Economy? Read Here, and We'll Explain It, Wise -Ass !!!

OK, I have no idea what they have to do with each other... Yeah, I'm kidding! By now, you know that I have ALL THE ANSWERS ... Well, maybe not, but I do find out about the useless things.

Like Barack Obama says, we all have to find a way to do more with less, and to make sacrifices. Hell, I haven't had a lap dance in at least six months, so I'm doing my part... Aside from me, there will be more noticable changes is various aspects of everyday life coming... Some more noticeable than others.

The most noticable? How about only getting mail delivered five days a week, instead of six? Personally, i can't remember not getting mail on Saturdays, but the Postmaster General has officially put in a request for it...With news like that, don't be surprised to see 45 cent stamps anyday now too.

How about a less obvious example? Girl Scout Cookies. I shit you not - Girl Scout Cookies !! Soon, the little hucksters will be terrorizing you to buy another 500 boxes of those yummy cocoanut and chocolate wonders, or else they won't make it to the Annual Jamboree... How much do those kids get paid anyway for selling those cookies. Sorry, my ADD got the best of me there for a second....

Anyway, the boxes of ccokies will be getting smaller - or at least the size of what's inside. Yep, depending on the brand, you will be getting between 2-4 less cookies in each box, which by my calculations means that you'll be getting about 4-6 cookies in each box. Now those kids will know what my job is like for a while - Customer Service sucks, doesn't it, Emily and Jennifer ????

Yep, we truly lived in the Salad Days, didn't we? Now it's all over. Soon, i'm going to be sitting at home on a Saturday afternoon, craving a box of Tagalongs, and waiting for the mail that isn't coming.... Damn.

This could be my shortest post ever. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was just unanimously impeached by his own State Senate, 59-0. The guy was as guilty as sin, and he never gave evidence to show otherwise. Now he's gone, having marbleized his reputation as the most crooked politiican to have ever held office. Good riddance !

Sad news from the music business yesterday, when I heard that Lynyrd Skynyrd pianist Billy Powell passed away from an apparent heart attack. He was 56.. Skynyrd was my favorite band as a kid, which was kind of odd growing up in Long Island..... For a band that had three guitar players, Powell was the heart and soul of the band. He started out as a roadie, until he began playing during a sound check - and next thing you know, he's in the band. There were two Skynyrds - before the plane crash, and after. Where Ronnie Van Zant was the leader up to that fateful day, Powell led the band afterwards. He stood in front of the reporters, his face scarred from the accident, and answered all their questions honestly. The band was over, but they came back, and Powell was there. The fact that Lynyrd Skynyrd was able to keep putting out records for 25 years after the plane crash was nothing short of a miracle. But like everything, people coem and eventually , they go. So, as a tribute , we give you this clip............ Play it pretty for Atlanta.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mioGewkWVdo.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It's band practice night, so we'll be brief tonight. Forgive me, as I turn into a disgusting pig-guy... It's amazing how most guys think thr same thing, but rarely ever tell each other about it. Things like how most of us would sleep with Flo from Progressive - though none of us can pinpoint why. Some are more obvious....

I get to work this morning, and Rick is telling me about what he did last night, then he admits that he watched 'Brokeback Mountain'. Yes, the movie sucked... All I said was, "There's only one reason to watch Brokeback Mountain." And Rick almost immediately replied, as if he were finishing my sentence - Anne Hathaway's Boobies !!!

I remember the first time I saw it. I thought the Princess Diaries girl would never get topless, but there they were. I wouldn't say they're in the 'Real & Spectacular' category, but they were much nicer than I ever thought. Surprise, surprise... I would go into more detail, but that might be pushing it....

So, next time you're scanning through the channels, think twice before passing the movie up for fear of being called a 'fag'. Watch the first 45 minutes - then you can change the channel..

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

If you've been a student of elections, particularly if you're a Republican, you're used to seeing this map. It's made by Prof. Joseph Olson of Hemline University School of Law in Minnesota. It compares the geography of voting, and it's breakdown by party.

We in the GOP love to use this map, because it always seems to confirm that Republicans are the majority party. Here are some of the numbers that Olson figured out:

Number of States Won

GOP 29-19

Square Miles of Land Won

GOP 2.45 million - 525,000.

Population of Counties Won

GOP 143-127 Million

Murder Rate of Counties Won

Democratic 13.2 - 2.1 per 100,000.

So, what does this tell you in short? That the GOP wins in the rural areas, and the Democrats run the cities - where the people are. Also, despite the 16 million person population advantage, Barack Obama won by 6 points, which is pretty sizable in today's landscape. That means that John McCain won by a thin margin whereever he won, while Obama ran away with the vote in his areas...

While it might be a little comforting to look at this map, I think it does us a bit of a disservice. Square mileage and murder rates may make us feel superior, but the fact is that we are the minority party. It's a fact. The day we accept that we lost pretty much across the board, the better off we'll be in the future. We have a lot of work to do...

For the past year and a half, you've been hearing about the big switch on TV from analog to digital transmission. Basically, you can only get TV reception if you have cable of satellite once the switch is made. Can you see the hand of special interests in that one?

Anyway, despite all of the notice and opportunity given to get your converter box to get your old TV to work, it seems that there are still 6.5 million people who haven't gotten ready for it. So, the Senate unanimously voted to extend the deadline for the switch to digital. That means that February 17, 2009 is now June 12, 2009.

This will allow all those procrastinators of you out there to delay getting ready another 4 months, at which point you can complain again - and then Congress can extend it even further. Will the switch ever happen. Not if we lazy Americans can help it..

Monday, January 26, 2009

Here's a big shock for some of you - times are tough right now. It's kind of funny sometimes. We've been in an economic slump for about a year now. Yet somehow, it always takes corporate America this long to realize it, and prepare for it. Honestly, I think the worst of it is over, and that we're taking steps to get out of it. I don't know when not spending more money than you have became such a problem.

The sad fact is that despite the signs that we may have bottomed out, companies are slashing jobs left and right. So, as an experienced bottom rung dweller, I have seen the signs of getting axed more than once. Some of you may never have, so we're here to give you five signs that you may be getting canned, thanks to Yahoo!HotJobs....

You Just Merged

If your boss just tells you "Good News, we just merged with MagnaCorp !!" , then run to the hills. Everytime you merge with another company, there is some schmuck who is just as talented as you, and they won't need both of you. That, and when your boss has a new boss to impress, the chances that he will clean out all the 'average guys' is very high. I've had this happen three times to me.

Boss Just Got an Eco-Friendly Car

When Bill Lumbergh trades in his Porsche for a Prius, he's not being green, he's losing his green. Soon, rather than spending less, he's going to decide to just save your salary, and keep his % of it...

No One Cares What You Think

So, you have the genius idea that will save the company millions, restore all their profits, and make all the customers happy - and no one listens? Congratulations, you've just become dead wood. That goes hand in hand with .....

There's a Big Meeting - You Watch the Desk For Us.

Ever have something important go on at work, and the guy next to you gets all the responsibilities? Meanwhile you sit there, and watch it all happen like a tourist. When i was in Hilton Head, my manager would tell everyone to 'ask for me or Charles only'. Nice. I don't get that anymore, and I don't let it happen anymore either. If you let yourself become expendable, you become expendable.

Monkey See, Monkey Do.

Copying is the sincerest form of flattery. That, and most CEO's lack the skill or imagination to forge their own way. They don't even see the current trends - they only read the numbers from three months ago. That being said, whatever your competitors are doing expect yours to do the same. So, if the other guy is laying off, don't be surprised when yours does too.

These are some surefires signs that your job is on the block. So, how do you avoid it? First off, make yourslef inexpendable by any means necessary. Personally, i've taken on rsponsibilities I wasn;t asked to by my boss, I show up everyday, and I show him that I understand the relationship between me keeping my job, him keeping his job, and the boss being happy. If you've done all you can, and still see the signs, then maybe it's time to look around....

As his impeachment hearing started in the Illinois Senate today, Gov. Rod Blagojevich took his case to the American people via TV today. I missed all of it since I was at work, but word got out early that he actually considered offering Barack Obama's old seat to none other than Oprah Winfrey.

Now, from all the reports I saw tonight, B-Rod was complaining that 'the truth needed to come out' , but he really didn't seem to give details on his side of the story - unless the truth is already out there. But even the smallest shred of truth that Blago was willing to give the seat to Oprah tells me two things.

First, this tells me that Blagojevich really needs to be impeached, because he is a friggin idiot. Who would even entertain the though of pcking that self-absorbed narcissist as a Senator. Then again, aren't all people in DC self-absorbed?

Secondly, Blago telling us that he considered picking Oprah should almost convince you that he was out to fatten his wallet with the choice. After all, can you name anyone in Illinois with more cash than Oprah? If you're gonna sell the seat, sell it to the highest bidder, and there aren't much bigger fish than Oprah. But, she IS trying to get smaller....

Luckily, Oprah is not interested in the gig, and she says she never heard from him about it... Of course, she would have to quit her TV show to sit in the Senate. Thank God for equal time laws..

Sunday, January 25, 2009

As you can tell by today's output of blog posts, i am suffering from a sever case of Football Withdrawal Syndrome. I'm trying to find something to do today to occupy the 6-10 hours that usually take up my Sundays..In college, my GPA in the Spring was a full point higher than in the Fall, all due to football. But, I found one thing that you might enjoy - AskMen.com's 99 Most Desirable Women of 2009 List !!!

Readers went online and voted - 10 million of them to be exact. And the main thing I noticed is that men's opinion on a woman can really change in a year. Last year's flavor, Katherine Heigl of 'Grey's Anatomy' and 'Knocked Up' went from Number One to #81 this year. How the mighty hath fallen....

So, who is The Hottieof 2009? It's Eva Mendes . Expect her to take a tumble next year as well, like most Hispanic girls do. I never got all excited about her or J. Lo, because they look like 500 Puerto Rican girls I went to High School with, so they're not like the forbidden fruit to me. Now, Asian women......

Enough with that. I'm sure all you guys really want to do is check them out, so here is the link to the website. Enjoy !! And please, will someone put on a football game? !!

The Hackers Are At It Again....Some people are real scumbags... You and I spend 9-10 hours a day busting our asses to pay our bills legally - and then you turn around to find out that some dick has stolen your credit card number and run up charges that you're not responsible for, leaving you to clean up the mess. No, I haven't been a victim of credit card fraud - I usually don't have enough available on my card to screw with me. But , that doesn't keep me from giving you guys warnings that they're out there. This month, there are two new problems that you need to watch out for.

First off, hackers have successfuly broekn into the mainframe of Heartland Payment Systems, the largest credit card processing company in the world. Card numbers, SSN's , names - they got a lot of info. The second is a bit sneakier and more exotic....

Ever heard the saying that it's easier to steal a dollar from a million people than to steal a million dollars from one person? Well, that is a new scam going on involving credit card holders. People have been getting charges on their cards for 25 cents from 'Adele Business Services' of Melville, NY. The problem is that Adele Business Services does not exist. It's basically a scheme to charge your card for such a smal amount, that you won't notice or care. Don't do that .

You see, if you accept the first charge, you will likely have a very hard time getting refunded for further charges. it could be for another 25 cents, but it could be for hundreds or thousands of dollars. So, what do you do? Check your bill every month. If there is a charge that you didn't make on there, call the credit card company, and the FTC. In short, take the advice of this law enforcement official.

You probably know that I - and a few others of you - are fans of Bravo's 'Top Chef'. If you've watched it, you know who Tom Colicchio is. He's the Simon Cowell equivalent on the show. He's tough, uncompromsiing and constantly challenging the contestants to make more than poached eggs and chicken fingers. Some might say he's a bit of a prick, but you have to give him credit for what he did last week....

Colicchio was at a fundraiser in Washington, DC,beign criticized by a few attendees for whacking a contetsant on the last episode - what else is new? Suddenly, a patron screamed for help for a fellow chef at the event who has caught a piece of chicken in her windpipe. Colicchio immediately put on his Superman cape, ran over and performed the Heimlich manuever on her, saving her life. OK, the part about the Superman cape may be exaggerated....

I guess it shouldn't be surprising. Having restaurant employees properly trained in the Heimlich just makes sense. It's just a sensible skill to have on that job, like me being able to reset radio codes when you change the car battery.....

Congrats to Tom for being a bit of a hero. Not quit being on his shit, and let him go back to being a putz when they have to cut inept chefs... 'I stand by my dish.... My runny, smelly, tasteless dish.'

You know, there used to be a time when you couldn't pay people to run for office. Anytime a guy like me can run for Congress and get 22% in 90 days tells you something. The fact that I probably could have won the primary in 2006 tells you more.. They don't have that problem in Chicago.

The seat vacated by Rahm Emanuel to become Barack Obama's Chief of Staff will have their elections in March. How many people have paid to run for the seat? Five? Seven ? Ten? Uhhh, how about TWENTY-SIX ??!!!

Yesiree Bob, fifteen Democrats, six Republicans and even five members of that kooky Green Party have filed and put up the $3300 to succeed Ari Gold's prototype's brother. Does that make any sense? They vary from state reps. to City aldermen to county commissioners to the head of the state Minutemen Project. So far, the frontrunner on the Democrats side has a whopping 19%. Yes, there will surely be a runoff, then the General Election, so whoever wins will need the power to last three elections in a just a few months.

Neither Emanuel or Barack Obama are endorsing anyone, and why would they? Emanuel endorsing someone for his old little congressional seat is like me endorsing someone for my old Senate seat in college. I've moved on, so has Emanuel and Obama. Illinois is far in their rearview mirror.....

Si Burgher has some big eyebrows. How big? Some of the hair on his brows are 3 inches long. THREE INCHES !!! They're so long, that he has to brush them in the morning. What you do with your hair, he does with is eyebrows. Yikes !!

Burgher has long been involved with the Rotary Club in his hometown of Bloomington, Indiana. Some fellow Rotarians have long been picking on him about it, and they were discussing about what it would take for Si to trim those puppies. Well, they found a way.....

The Rotary International group has long been involved in Polio readication. In fact, they've raised over $500 million for fighting the disease since 1985. So, giving his friends the opportunity to shave his eyebrows off to raise money for PolioPlus was a no-brainer. They all lined up, cash in hand, and raised $1,600 for the charity. And more importantly, Si Burgher looks like a human being again...

Saturday, January 24, 2009

One of the few contraversies during this week's inauguration was the possibility of a UFO flying by the ceremony. Apparently, people think there were more aliens there than just a few happy migrant workers.

I found a YouTube clip of the 'UFO'. Most people dismiss the object as a bird, and I probably agree. Whatever it was, it flew IN FRONT of the Washington Monument, so it couldn't have been too large, and it wasn't flyin hundreds of miles an hour, like most things mistaken as a UFO. In short, it was the smallest, slowest UFO in recorded history. But don't take my word for it. just watch the clip, and pay attention to the Washington Monument. ZZZZZZZZ...

I just woke up from a KILLER nap after a half day at work - I feel great now! After yeras of not being able to, we here in Flotown had enough snow to make snowballs for a few hours. Snowball fighting is one of few things of snow that cannot be tainted by growing up. So is skitching, but it needs to snow more. Maybe someday I'll get to demonstrate it to everyone here...

In the midwest, they have plenty of snow, so organizing a mass snowball fight is easy, particularly in college. I was in one of probably 500 people back in Oswego when Funnelle Hall unprovokedly attacked it's sister residence hall, Hart Hall, and the great snowball fight of 1991 took place. They have lectures about in New York State History classes in the public schools there. Today, the record for the World's Largest Snowball Fight will be challenged.

Yes, the University of Wisconsin -yes, the same school that had to force it's marching band to stay home for sexual harrassment - will try to break Michigan Technological University's 2006 record of 3,700 combatants today. Thanks to Facebook, organizing the fight has been relatively easy. Unfotunately, other factors have not been so cooperative...

For starters, the guy who organized it didn't realize that Wisconsin had a basketball game against Illinois today at the posted time. Also, it is extremely cold, and worst of all, the snow is not packing well - a major problem with Midwest snow. But, they will be out there anyway, trying to break the record, and thus denying Michiganders of yet another proud mark that thye hold.....

Friday, January 23, 2009

Hey, what's Al 'Senator Pothole' D'Amato doing in this picture? He's a Republican. I was pretty stunned today when I heard that the powerful Senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton will be filled by Kirsten Gillibrand. No, I never heard of her either. They list her as a second term congressperson, but that second term started a week ago. My guess was that it was going to be Andrew Cuomo, but I think he didn't want it.

It became obvious towards the end that NY Gov. Paterson was going to pick a female to succeed Clinton. If that were the case, Paterson could have chosen Louise Slaughter or Carolyn McCarthy, but Slaughter is older, and McCarthy is from Long Island and she's too liberal. So, instead of picking the most qualified and strongest candidate in 2010 when re-election time comes, Paterson picked the one who fills what they'd like the best. New York just lost billions of dollars in DC money, and most people know it.

Would things have been better if Caroline Kennedy were Paterson's choice? A little. She was unqualified and too green, but hse had the name to fill the void left by Clinton. So, why did she quit, and where does she go from here? I have a very interesting and exotic suggetsion for why and where she is headed. Yes, it has to do with her Uncle Ted's seizure, but not in the way you think.

Here is what will happen. Ted Kennedy is veyr sick, and he will not be serving as Senator by the end of the year. I'm not saying he will pass away, but his capacity to serve will be hindered. And Caroline will be there to fill Uncle Ted's shoes. Think about it. Which is the easier path - to take the NY Senate job, and have to fight off 50 other people in 2010, or take Ted's seat in Massachusetts, where Kennedy's are still given whatever they want, and ride off into the sunset for as long as she wants? I think I'm quite right on this one....

I had this sent to me today. Maybe it's made the rounds to your computer as well, but being a patron of the entertainment industry, i thought it was pretty funny. This was a picture drawn by a young girl about what her mom does for work. But it's not what you think.....

Yeah, I know what it looks like, but here is the Mom's explanation to the teacher:

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot, and I was telling my daughter how hectic work was before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every shovel we had, and then I found one in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole, it's supposed to depict me selling the last shovel at Home Depot. From now on, I will check her homework more thouroughly before she turns it in.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Just days after Israel pulled it's troops back out of the Gaza Strip, KISS bassist Gene Simmons had a press conference to announce that he would be enlisting the 'largest army on the planet' to terrorize and straighten out the unruly Palestinians - the KISS Army.

Simmons, who was born in Haifa, Israel, and whose real name is almost unspellable or pronouncable, has vowed to clean Gaza up. Like the old private militias, Simmons will be paying for the enterprise entirely on is own - at a small profit, naturally. "Any KISS fan that is willing to assist Israel - and pay the $4000 'KISS War Camp' fee , will be doing Israel and KISS a great service" said Simmons.

Each 'camper' will be issued a limited edition KISS-authorized Kalashnikov automatic rifle, KISS dog tags, and a free bag of KISS Coffee. Any KISS fans not interested in serving are encouraged to donate to the cause. All KISS Mastercard users will have 1/2 of 1% of their purchases given to the KISS Army, as well as specially priced items available at http://www.kissonline.com/ .

Word is that before crossing the border, the KISS Army will play 'Strutter' and 'Detroit Rock City' at 110 decibels for 24 hours straight, or until 500,000 copies of KISS's new DVD are sold....If the Palestinians still have not given up every leader of Hamas, then the ground war begins. Thousands of auto mechanics, waitresses, computer geeks, rogue tax attorneys, mailmen and unemployed fry cooks will come in full KISS regalia, ready to conquer !!

Well, well - that didn't take too long. Just a couple days after leaving office as Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice has been signed by the powerful William Morris Agency as a client. No, she won't be the center square on Hollywood Squares, nor will she be a panelist on the McLaughlin Group - WRONG !!!!!!

Nope, Condi will be working a whole smorgasboard of projects. Most of them will be working the lucrative speaking engagement tours, book deals, etc. But she has other things in the hopper as well. She is looking to start a number of philanthropic efforts involving classic music,and helping disadvantaged kids. Sounds like more fun than trying to solve the Middle East, doesn't it? Her agent hasn't been named, but this might be the one...

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Well, history was indeed made today, as we inaugurated our first African-American president. Maybe the coverage was a bit over the top the last few days. I appreciated the work the networks did today, but I couldn't care less to hear from Ashton and Demi talk about how they will dedicate themselves to ending poverty in the Third World on Oprah.....

But, how do we know that today was a sign that today was maybe just little bit special. It snowed in the Pee Dee. If I remember correctly, it was the first measurable snow we've had in 9 years - before George Bush took office. Or as one friend saw it , "It snowed today because Hell Just Froze Over."

Yeah, there are signs all over that things are different today. Good or bad, we'll see.. I missed of the ceremonies, but iI caught most of Obama's address. It was okay, but it's hard to blow people away the 500th time you've played Stairway to Heaven... I liked to hear him say that if there are programs that aren't working, they need to end. However, i think he'll have a lot harder time doing that than he thinks...

Right now, we'll all feeling warm and fuzzy, but business will start very, very soon. That fuzzy feeling needs to stay... Maybe it'll snow again tomorrow. Hope it goes smoother than this did.. Even the best minds in America get nervous, eh ?

Now that Barack Obama is President, there seems to be a breath of fresh air about. It's leaving me with this feeling that I can bare my soul and forever be free.. I have a crush on a guy. Not just any guy, but the one and only Pat Boone.

No, it's not love, and I'm not gay - not that there's anything wrong with that. Pat's just The Man !! he can sing, act, dance........ well, he can act and sing. And he had a slew of hot daughters too. In fact, Pat's so cool, it's spilled over into almost all things Boone. Here's the abbreviated list:

I don't listen to Fats Domino tunes, i listen to Pat's covers of them.

I almost went to Appalachian State, because it's in Boone, NC.

I watch Channel 13 news, becuase Nicole Boone's on it.

My favorite guy who died at the Alamo? Daniel Boone. Or was it Davy Crockett??

I bought 27 copies of 'You Light Up My Life' by Debby Boone. I was nine !!

I made up the Kenney Boone - Chuck Norris jokes because Pat Boone wasn't running for anything. PAT BOONE is why Waldo is hiding....

US Air Gives $5k to Flight 1549 Passengers .... Hope It's a Down Payment.

Yeah, US Airways has a lot of work on their hands after the crash earlier this week in New York. For starters, all of the passengers lost their belongings in the icy, brackish waters of the Hudson River. They're getting to resolving it ASAP, by giving the passengers $5000 each to replace their personal items.

We just hope that is just startup money, because guess what? That is a spit in the ocean of what they'll have to compensate them. Surviving a plane crash is worse than being killed in many respects. I'm not an attorney, but I know at least one of them is, and he's a pretty good one. I would assume that there are a lot of people who are having some PTSD issues, and some one will have to pay for it. This is a job for P-Luv.. If you were an ambulance chaser, is this gold ?

Monday, January 19, 2009

Now we know where Joe Biden gets his knack for saying the wrong thing from: His wife , Jill. Barack Obama hasn't even been inaugrated yet, and h's having to fight off questions from the press, thanks to her.

Today, Biden's wife was quoted as saying that Obama had offered Biden his choice between the Vice President position and Secretary of State, and that Biden chose Veep in order to stay home with his family more often. By the way, where did she say this....uhhh, how about the Oprah Winfrey Show on national TV !!

No harm, no foul, right?? Well, there are a few things that really make Obama look bad on this. Obama had discussed naming Biden as VP or Secretary of State right before the convention, they admit, but they said he was not offered the State Deartment gig. Good thing too - Obama hadn't won the election yet. Not even close to it, in fact. If he did offer, it would have been pretty cocky of him to start planning his Cabinet in August....

That's all conjecture. Now how about some fact. Who does this make look really, really, REALLY bad right now? Hillary Clinton. If the offer, or even the discussion is true, thta makes it certain that Clinton was NOT Obama's first choice for Secretary of State. She hasn't even finished with confirmation, and she has already has been weakend. Now it looks like they gave Clinton the job to ship her across the planet to keep her out of the way. Send Hillary to Estonia, we've got Health Care coming up... The Stimulus Plan is on the Hill, send Hillary to Qatar !!!!!

Yeah, this is all a pretty embarrassing scenario, all played out on National TV. Spouses of Presidents and VP's are supposed to talk about the dumb little things thta have nothing to do with the inside workings of the election - and this is exactly why. Good Luck on ever seeing Jill Biden in an interview again. As Ralph Kramden said........ "You are a BLABBERMOUTH!!!!"

What's the only thing better than a dumb news story? A LOCAL dumb news story !! This one comes fresh off this weekend from Hartsvegas, where some kooky shenanigans were going on at the Palmetto Apartments. I'm not sure about this, but a lot of crazy shit seems to go on there - like the Mt. Zion Apartments of Darlington County. Onto the news....

A lady drove her car over to the apartments and knocked on the door. Why she was there, no one is saying - it could be to crash out, her man could've been there with another woman, who knows? Anyway, all we know is that she knocked and knocked.... and no one answered. Then she got pissed.

After being upset by the snub, she hopped back into her car, and drove it right through the front door of the apartment! Not exactly what I would have done, but i'm usually pretty rational. You have to give it to her though - she did get in....Hey, maybe this is why they wouldn't open the door.....

Sunday, January 18, 2009

When Obama Shows Up on Tuesday, Just Tell Him We Need a BAAAAA-ILOUT !!!

After much anticipation, Congress has unveiled it's $825 Billion 'Economic Stimulus' bill. There are tow certainities about it. First, it will end up being much higher once Congress is done with it. Secondly, this bill is more than just jumpstarting the economy - it is a massive piece of legislation aimed at changing a huge amount of things that depend on Washington. In short, there are a lot of liberal , big-government people that are financing their wants in this bill.

First off, the true stimulus parts. There will be $275 billion in tax cuts over the next two years. It's a bit surprising to me to hear the Dems like Clyburn who were so big on balancing the budget doing about-faces and suddenly calling for tax cuts. Oh well... There are also tax credits for $500 per worker and $1000 per couple. Now the bad news.. The AMT tax is not included, but it is expected to be added, which will let the bill break the $900 billion mark. Also, the $3000 tax credit for each job created (which I introduced in my 2004 congressional run) was taken out.

Now, Congress has been talking all about infrastructure improvements - building bridges, highways, etc. But how much is going to this? About $40 billion. That's it. South Carolina alone has about $4 billion in immediate needs by itself. Doesn't sound exactly like what we were promised, does it?

So, where is the money going? Here's a sample of some of the pet projects that many don't quite fit the bill of economic stimulus....

$87B to help states meet rising health care costs.

$39B to subsidize coverage of out of work workers for health care

$100B to Education to make up the gap in state cutbacks

$20B to to lessen our dependence on oil.

Upping Pell Grants by $500

$32 to upgrade the electrical distibution system

Additional funds for state and local law enforcement

Computerizing health records

Extending broadband to rural areas

Making public housing and Federal buildings for energy efficient.

Granted, some of these things are more worthy than others, but most of these should be billed individually on it's own merits. But, that's not DC does it. Thye find the most passable bill out there, and dogtail a slew of unrelated items onto it. Really, this bill should be about half of what it is, but my guess is by the time it reaches Barack Obama's desk, it will have a 'T' instead of a 'B' on it....

Life in Michigan is tough right now. The economy sucks, and it isn't getting any better, the Wolverines stink, and the Lions........ hey, I'm not trying to pile on here. All of these pressures can wear down on people - and sometimes, you have to get inventive to add a little spice to life.

I guess a couple in Dearborn, Michigan decided the best way to mix things up was to get a little frisky in bed. A man handcuffed his wife to the bed during sex, and then....uhh..... he kinda lost...... the keys. Oops! Yeah, I'm sure this happens all the time - not to me, maybe it's happened to you. The cops came by, and used a universal key to undo the cuffs. Case closed.

However, the cop's comment on why no one was cited was pretty funny - " It was more of an intimate relationship case than an unlawful imprisonment." Yeah, he kept it pretty straight for the press, but I bet he had a great story for the wife when he got home..

Saturday, January 17, 2009

You know what one of the hardest things in the world is? To live in Florence, and keep up to date with the music world, especially rock... There are no new music stations anymore, and KZQ doesn't get reception here - so much for the 'improvements' they were undergoing....

That aside, I have the good fortune to work next to a 24 yr old who thinks that music is the be all and end all or everything, so i get to listen to 'what the kids are listening to'.... So, to expand your music minds as well, we give you Muse...

Granted, the name could be better - it sound a bit arrogant, but these guys kick ass.. They're a trio from Devon, England, and it's been just the three of them for about 14 years now. Guess playing together a lot has it's benefits. These guys are tight as all hell. They have a huge sound, reminiscent of Queen or Pink Floyd .

This is a clip of 'Knights of Cydonia' live in Wembley Stadium, which they sold out twice, breaking a record. Clearly, they are huge on the other side of the pond, so they don't get here a whole lot, but they may be here soon. Their new album is due out in 2009...We hope you likey!

Well, my Giants got knocked out, along with a few other top teams. Thanks to the road teams going 5-3, we'll have an interesting, if not ideal, Super Bowl. I'm a mediocre 4-4 so far, so I need to get my act together this week. Enough chatter about what was - how about what's coming?

Ravens at Steelers

The first team to ten wins, right? Seriously, it's going to be cold, the field always is in crappy shape, and both teams are led by the defenses. So, it looks like the team that makes the big mistake will lose. If you compare Ben Roethlisberger and Joe Flacco, Big Ben is usually the one who tries too hard and screws up. But, I think this time he knows it's not up to him to win the game. I have a feeling that Joe Flacco is going to come down to Earth a bit this week.

Between Ray Lewis and James Harrison, points will be given out like Congressional Medal of Honor tomorrow. Skippy Reed wins MVP...Bobby gets half of his wish..

Steelers 16-6.

Eagles at Cardinals

Ahh, the battle of The Birds. We know what to expect from the Eagles. Tough D, and a lot of Brian Westbrook. But what about the Cardinals? The D sure has looked better in the playoffs ( 5 picks on Jake Delhomme - jeez!), and they looked unstoppable on the fast Carolina turf. heck, they even RAN the ball !! They'll be at home on another fast track today, and no doubt the place will be rocking. Trips to the Super Bowl don't come to Arizona often..

Arizona has the best player on the field in Larry Fitzgerald, so he will keep DB Brian Dawkins from blitzing. If the Big Uglies up front can give Kurt Warner time, he can put points on the board. Yeah, the Eagles made the Cards look pretty bad a month ago, but so did Carolina. I see a lot of similarities of the Atlanta Falcons run a decade ago. No they didn't win, but they made it...

Cardinals 27-20.

You don't like the picks don't worry - I also said the Colts and Panthers were going to the Super Bowl two weeks ago...

Friday, January 16, 2009

Thank God I have this weekend off, because I can't take much more of being in the service drive in this cold. This is just about as cold as it gets here, and I need two days in the warm air. My throat is killing me today...

Now, as cold as it is here, it's nothing compared to other places around. Moye just came back from Alberta, Canada - where all this cold air came from. Minus 40 degrees is pretty damn cold. How cold? This gives you an idea.... You betcha !

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Yes, I'm still alive... I'm feeling a bit better than last night. The aches are mostly gone, and I'm getting a bit of a cough. But, like the trooper that I am, I went to work today, and I've got some Thera-Flu and Minute Maid Pomegranate Blueberry Juice. It's isn't the greatest tasting stuff, but it works good.

Anyway, even though I'm under the weather, I still try ot help you guys out, and to answers the big question you might have. Bobby came up with a good one for me last week. Why are gas prices going up again? I was wondering myself. A month ago, i had predicted that gas would go for about $1.20 a gallon, based on crude oil prices. Instead, we're at 1.69 a gallon, even though crude oil dropped to $34 a barrel. So, the question is......... WTF ??!!

I think I have the answer. If you have learned anything from SC6's economics classes, it's that all prices are based on supply and demand. Normally, low demand for oil and a glut of supply would make prices continue to drop. However, what OPEC hasn't been able to do, those a bit further down the supply chain have...

The answer lies in one simple question: Can you pour crude oil into your car and drive? Of course not. It needs to be processed or refined. That is your answer. The refineries have very low margins of profit, and when there is too much oil available, they tend to slow down production, and when they do, there is less gasoline available. It's similar to last summer, when Hurricane Ike kicked Houston's ass. The oil platforms weren't the problem, it was that the refineries closed for two weeks.

Now, the good news. It can't last forever. The refineries have to make gas, or they don't make any money. It's a temporary act, and soon, they will be making plenty of gas again, the market will glut , and prices will drop. Short term tactics like these will work for a little bit, but eventually it all come sback to supply and demand, and time is on our side..