Good Morning, !
Wednesday, Aug 29, 2007
=========================================
There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid
the labor of thinking.
--- Thomas A. Edison
A man can be happy with any woman
as long as he does not love her.
--- Oscar Wilde
=========================================
Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic:
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because
he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a Priest
and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, “My son, after an
exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is
therefore not permitted on Sundays."
The man thinks: “What does a priest know about sex?”
So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man
and experienced in this matter.
He queries the Minister and receives the same reply.
Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate
authority: a man of thousands of year’s tradition and
knowledge. In other words, he goes to a Rabbi.
The Rabbi ponders the question, then states,
“My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when
so many others tell me sex is work?"
The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work,
my wife would have the maid do it ..."
=========================================
The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.
"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.
"Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!"
"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.
"You look like you're in good health. They are taking care
of you, aren't they?"
"Yes, they are taking very good care of me."
"Are you in any pain?" she asked.
"No, I have never had a pain in my life."
"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.
The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has
already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all
wondering where I went."

=========================================
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A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office
worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
and LeRoy," she answered.
"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to
come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all
come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
=============================================
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=============================================
Back in those days, it was required that in order for a student to
receive credit for a particular course, a card (listing of his/her
courses) had to be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at
the time, policy that students attend their courses. But
depending on the size of the class, it was often quite possible
to receive credit, even after not attending the class regularly.
Not so, with this physics professor...if he didn't recognize you,
you would have to repeat the course (& attend!). On one
occasion, a student handed his card to be signed. The
professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said,
"I've never seen you in my class," and handed back the card.
Now being a science student, he naturally thought quickly, and
proceeded to the end of the line. When he was at the front
again, he handed his card to the prof. The prof looked at the
name, then at the student, and said, "You look familiar.
OK," and signed the card.
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and a Darwin Award goes to German Sarabia, 24, of Arvin, California
Suicidal gunslinger
Eleven officers fired on a suspect who refused to drop his
weapon, killing him at about midnight Sunday in east
Bakersfield, the Kern County sheriff’s deputies reported.
German Sarabia, 24, of Arvin, died of multiple gunshot
wounds, a coroner’s office news release said.
Two other men, Antonio Villa Rivera, 23, and Gerardo
Chavez Valencia, 22, both of Bakersfield, were arrested
for their involvement in shots being fired from a brown Honda.
Sarabia, Rivera and Valencia were chased by lawmen
in connection with shots fired late Sunday night from a
brown Honda at two locations near Barlow Street, the
news release said. The car stopped in the 2600 block
of Monterey Street and the three men ran from it.
Officers found Sarabia in the backyard of 2602 Lake St.,
the news release said. He refused to drop his gun and
surrender after numerous commands by officers to do
so and was shot while resisting arrest.
===========================================
Car-pooling in Bangla Desh
===========================================
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though they were a very large
mammal, their throat was very small. The little girl stated
Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human;
it was impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Erin
Re: Google Earth onto second drive
Dear Webby:
I trid to install Google-Earth onto my second hard drive,
but it insists on going to my C: drive, where I don't have
enough space. Is there a way around that bug?
Erin
Dear Erin
Unfortunately, there isn't.
The blithering moron who wrote the Google-Pack installer
seems to be ignorant of the fact that 32% of computer
uers have more than one hard drive.
It seems that Google-Earth has been designated as a program
for small children, and the install program has been simplified
accordingly.
Grown-ups and advanced users have to get a second computer
with enough space on the C: drive to install Google-Earth
there.
Yeah, I know it's rather dumb, but you can't argue with Google.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 10, 2007 - Virginia Beach, Virginia - Gimundo
Good Samaritans come in all shapes and sizes. But you probably
won't find too many that are barely out of diapers.
Meet 3-year-old Willy Whitley from Virginia Beach, Va. — a
pint-sized do-gooder whose generous deeds are helping to
keep a sick 2-year old girl alive.
After Willy saw a television news story about Zoe Walenius,
who suffers from a rare disease called Opsiclonus Myoclonus
Syndrome, he "kept talking about Zoe, and really wouldn't stop
talking about her for several days, " his father, Rob, told
Channel 13 News in Virginia Beach.
So Willy and his father worked out a plan to raise money to help
Zoe's family pay her exorbitant medical bills: They planted corn.
When the ears were ripe, they picked and sold it, with all profits
going to a foundation dedicated to helping Zoe and other children
with the same disease.
http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/4 ... Save_Lives

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comSelling Clothing at Garage Sales
To get the most money for your clothing items, makes sure
to wash and fold them so they look their best. Lay folded
clothing out on a table so people don't have dig through
your bags or a big pile. Display dresses and jackets by
using hangers.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
Thanks to Bob for this report:
I attended Palm Beach Atlantic College in Florida. It's only
about a mile from the ocean, so students frequently go to
the beach, even between classes. One day I was meeting with
our dean, when he stopped me in the middle of our conversation
and asked if I was an "A" student.
Puzzled, I replied, "Mostly, why do you ask?"
"You don't have a tan," he explained. "Around here, the darker
the tan, the lower the grade."
=============================================
BRIDE GOES SPLASH
What a beautiful wedding! Everything had been perfect.
The wedding had taken place on a white sandy beach
with a lake as the backdrop. It was time to take photo's
The groom was a shy man who had arrived from
overseas a few months ago. He had courted his bride
until she finally said yes to his pleas of marriage. His
family was a bit reserved as he didn't know the girl
that well. However, today all was well.
The bride decided she wanted to have her and her
new husbands photo taken on the dock, leading out
into the lake. They were posed, the groom leaned in
for a kiss, over tumbled the bride, splat, into the lake.
My Irishwolfhound jumped right in after her. The groom
was screaming in his own language. My dog was
having a horrid time trying to find the bride in the
ballooning poufs of her white gown. He got to her
head, grabbed on to her veil to swim to shore.
Dead silence. My dog had taken her veil all right,
along with a long blonde wig she wore. Her new
husband along with all his relatives got a good
look at what he had married. Short, stubby grey
hair. It was bedlam, it was hilarious.
My dog brought his prize to me, he was praised
well. Someone else had jumped in and brought
the sobbing bride to shore. It didn't end well.
There wasn't going to be a honeymoon.
The foolish groom had fallen in love, not so much
with the lady, but her pretty blonde hair. Someone
tied the wig and the veil to my dog's head. The poor
groom was led away crying. All for blonde curls.
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men.
Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and
he told me I asked too many questions!
Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game.
What questions did you ask?
Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did you
hit the ball into that lake?"

Good Morning, !
Tuesday, Aug 28, 2007
=========================================
Health food makes me sick.
--- Calvin Trillin
With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from
blind belief in another.
--- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
=========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this story:
As the lone female in our household, I find that certain
male habits have really begun to get on my nerves.
One day, I emerged from my teenage son's bathroom
completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband.
"What is it with guys that they won't replace the toiler paper!"
I raged.
"I know." he said, nodding in agreement. "I noticed that
when I was just in there."
=========================================
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an
attractive girl. Immediately she began flirting at him and
and flattering him outrageously. He liked the young lady,
but she was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent
pitch. Hhe was really amazed when after 30 minutes she
seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can
you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young lady declared. "For the past 5
years I've been working in the back office at the bank where
you have your account. I know all I ned to know about you."

=========================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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=========================================

A man was standing on a train platform seeing the train off
and he observed someone near him shouting at one of the
departing passengers, "Goodbye. Your wife was a great lay!
Your wife was a great lay!"
He was stunned. After the train pulled away, he walked over
to the man who'd done the shouting, and asked, "Did I hear
you correctly? Did you tell that man his wife was a good
lay?"
The other man shrugged his shoulders. "It isn't really
true," he said, "but I didn't want to hurt his feelings."
=============================================
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=============================================
The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon,
but its echo lasts a great deal longer.
--- Oliver Wendell Holmes
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money
used to be.
--- Socratex
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Surf City, NJ officials
Whose Ammo Dump?
August 5, 2007 - Surf City New Jersey - AP
The Army Corps of Engineers, which accidentally dumped sand
filled with old military ordnance on Surf City's beach, now wants
the town to help pay to remove it.
Local officials are angered by the suggestion that they
should help foot the bill for a federal goof that already has
cost the town an unknown amount of tourism business.
"If they're talking about getting any money out of Surf City
to pay for their mistakes, they can forget about it," Mayor
Leonard T. Connors told The Philadelphia Inquirer.
Army Corps spokesman Khaalid Walls said local governments
are routinely asked to help pay for projects.
"That's protocol. All our projects are cost-shared," Walls said.
The town had to close its beach in March after World War I-era
ordnance, including fuses and other military hardware, started
surfacing in sand pumped ashore during a $71 million beach
replenishment project.
According to Walls, the Army Corps unwittingly took sand from an
offshore site where the military had dumped explosives decades
ago.
More than 1,100 explosives, each about 4 inches in diameter
and 8 inches long, were removed from Surf City's beach.
Surf City reopened its beach over Memorial Day weekend with
new rules: Don't use metal detectors, don't dig more than a foot
into the sand, and report anything suspicious to lifeguards.
Even so, visitors since then have found about a dozen more
munitions, the Army Corps says. The Army has an ordnance
specialist at the beach full time to take charge of discovered
explosives.
It's unlikely that one of the explosives would ever detonate, but it
would be extremely dangerous if it did, said Keith Watson, the
Army Corps' project manager.
The Army Corps, along with state and local officials, are considering
a possible closure of the beach during the winter to clear out more
ordnance. The Army Corps might sieve the entire beach with
machinery, or it might bring back the ground-penetrating metal-
detection equipment used in the spring.
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/ ... ource=mypi
None of the locals had told the Army that WWI ammo had been
dumped there. They just wanted the Army to pump the sand from
there up onto their beach, for free.
===========================================
Tourists in Las Vegas desperately trying to lure somebody
with an air conditioned or cool pad.
===========================================
A bright young Scottish lad named Shamus had the opportunity
to go to university in London. So he packed his bags and
said good-bye to his mother and left the highlands for the
big city.
After the first week his mother called to see how her boy
was holding up.
"I love it here Mother," Shamus told her, "but these English
students are the oddest people ever! Why the boy who lives
in the dormitory room next to me bangs his head against the
wall until midnight every night. And the boy in the room
above me stomps around until midnight every night. And the
boy right below me blasts his stereo until midnight every
night."
"Why don't you complain to the Dean of students?" asks his
mother.
"Well, it doesn't bother me much," answers Shamus. "I'm
usually up until that time quietly practicing my bagpipes
anyway."
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Roland
Re: Registry Optimizer
Dear Webby:
Advance Registry Optimizer: Is this something one should have, or not:
Roland:
Dear Roland
Our computers work just fine without it. Advance Registry Optimizer seems
to be about as necessary as having a mother-in-law in the back seat.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 22, 2007 - Elk Grove, California - Gimundo
In general, 5-year-olds aren't renowned for their help in
crisis situations. If you have a scrape on your knee,
a kindergartener may be able to give you a Band-Aid
to cover it up – but that's about the extent of it. Except
if that kindergartener is John John Bandieros of Elk Grove,
California.
Last week, John John was alone with his pregnant mother,
Christina, went she went into labor. Though Christina called
an ambulance to take her to the hospital, she knew the baby
wasn't going to wait that long. It was up to John John to help
deliver his own sister.
Luckily, the precocious child came through for his mom. He
followed his mother's instructions perfectly, bringing her a
stack of blankets to lie on while he guided the baby out.
When his sister was born, he tied a shoelace around her
umbilical cord so that she could breathe on her own. When
the ambulance finally arrived, John John led the EMT officials
up to the bedroom, where his mother was holding the healthy
newborn in her arms.
"I wasn't scared," John John told KCRA/NBC News in California.
"I think that she was beautiful."
And she'll make a pretty cool story for show-and-tell, too.

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comSelling Electronics at Garage Sales
If you are selling electronics at a garage sale clean or
dust the exterior and make sure that they work. The better
the item looks, the more likely it is to sell. It also helps
to write on the price tag that it works, you can even have
an extension cord handy for people to test for themselves.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we
come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -
chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest
hunters on earth!
=============================================
WEIRD THINGS HAPPEN
I love going to the theatre. The huge screen, loud sound,
popcorn, it all has a huge attraction for me. I don't like
going with my husband, as he is an arm hog. Then he
slides down in his seat until I can barely see his head.
So, I usually rest one arm on the other side of my chair.
Unless there's another arm hog on that side as well.
Popcorn. Fattening and delicious, pooling with nice
butter. A huge bucket is the only way to go.
The show had begun, when a man with a fair sized
tummy squeezed his way into the row I was in, then
sat next to me. "What'd I miss?" he whispered. To
me that is a no no. I don't want to talk. Leave me alone
to enjoy the show, and savour my calories.
He fussed around a lot! Finally, he settled in to watch
the movie. I dug into my popcorn, and something wet
slid over my hand.
Yuk. What sort of a man was I sitting next to! Not my
husband, he was asleep. I put my hand into the tub again
and this time I touched something hairy. With big ears,
munching MY popcorn. I almost leaped out of my jeans.
The man next to me whispered, "I have to bring my
Chihuahua with me, he's deaf and barks all the time
if I leave him alone." Well now, this I could handle. A tiny
dog smuggled into the show? What harm in that!
What harm indeed. The show was over when I
smelled dog urine. The man had placed his pet on the
floor, where it peed on my husbands leg. I thought it
was funny as hell, until I found out he had piddled on
me as well. Damn, I even shared my popcorn with
that little devil. That, I could not forgive.
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

A Chicago salesman on a business trip to Boston had a few
hours to kill before catching a plane home. Remembering an
old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish in
Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver,
"Say, do you know where I could get scrod around here?"
The driver replied, "Pal, I've heard that question a thousand
times, but this is the first time, ever,
in the passive pluperfect subjunctive."

Good Morning, !
Monday, Aug 27, 2007
=========================================
Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood.
--- Louise Beal
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
--- Jack London
=========================================
Thanks to Sandie for this update from Florida
IT'S SO HOT and DRY IN FLORIDA. (1967 Version)
.... the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground
.....the trees are whistling for the dogs.
.....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
.... hot water now comes out of both taps.
.....you can make sun tea instantly.
.....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
.....the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel the breeze.
.....you discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
.....you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
.....you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
.....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
.....your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
.....you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
.....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is
pull one out and add butter. (in the garden)
.....the cows are giving evaporated milk.
.....people are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying boiled eggs. (in the country)
.....you can't fry eggs on the tank of your bike, if they got hard boiled
in the carton on the way across the parking lot.
Addendum for 2007
.....the hot air from the Algorian provides a welcome cooling breeze.
=========================================
A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give
to an old lady in the park. Her mother was
touched by the child's kindness and gave her
the required sum.
"There you are, my dear," said the mother.
"But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."

=========================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
=========================================

Velma asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged
will you give me a ring?"
"Sure," replied Jim "What's your phone number?"
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.
=============================================
I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the
time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and
everybody on board was ticked.
Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The
flight attendant explained that there would be another
45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the
aircraft, we would reboard in 30 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who
was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell
he had flown before because his seeing eye dog lay
quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout
the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this
very flight before because the pilot approached him
and, calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in
Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get
off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks,
but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs."
Picture this. All the people in the gate area came to a
completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw
the pilot walk off the plane with the seeing eye dog!
The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People
scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they
also were trying to change airlines!
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to British Motorists
What's a map?
August 7, 2007 - London, UK - Reuters
As many as 11 million British motorists are unable to read
a basic road map, according to a survey released Monday.
The poll revealed over three quarters of British drivers were
unable to identify the motorway map symbol, while only one
percent of motorists would pass the Cub Scout Map Reader
badge test.
"It's pretty embarrassing the majority of Cub Scouts have
better map-reading skills than the majority of the adult
population," said Colin Batabyal, head of underwriting and
business development at eSure, which carried out the survey.
Sixteen percent of British drivers have become so heavily
reliant on satellite navigation systems that they have given
up keeping a map in their car.
"It's time for motorists to take a refresher in map-reading
skills," said Scott Sinclair of national mapping agency
Ordnance Survey. "Technology is great but the batteries
won't run out on a paper map.
"No serious hill walker would rely totally on a GPS device in
case the power goes or the signal is lost, so it should be
the same for the motorist," added Sinclair.
The survey -- based on a poll of 1,000 UK drivers --
estimated Britons' poor map-reading skills resulted in 36
billion wasted miles being driven each year.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0708 ... aps_odd_dc
===========================================
OUTCH! Should have worn the big interview foamies!
===========================================
Tim was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, Dear," he said.
"Of course, Tim," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die, he said, "I want
you to marry Lawrence."
"But I thought you hated Lawrence," she said.
With his last breath, Tim said, "I do!"
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Dani
Re: Filter for U-Tube spoofs
Dear Webby:
How do I filter out crap like this?
I KNOW I am not on any video, and since the barbecue blew up
this spring, I am not even on any photo! I am actually
contemplating becoming a muslim until my hair grows back. :(
In addition to that, MailWasher tells me that it is linking
to somewhere else.
Here is a typical example:
===
this i not good. If this video gets to her husband your
both dead. see for yourself...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQrTPGpMziX[links to 74.132.117.201/]
===
I am sure you get them too. How do you filter them?
Dani
Dear Dani
I had to root around the restore bin to find an example.
The same 7BIT filter that I described yesterday, also gets
this type of virus generated spam.
IF the entire header contains 7BIT, then delete, without warning.
They fly right by, straight to hell, unseen by anybody,
except when you send me to check the restore bin.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 8, 2007 - Elmira, New York - Happy News
A large ceramic turtle containing a woman's ashes has been
recovered after it was accidentally sold for 50 cents at a
rummage sale.
When Anita Lewis of Elmira sold the turtle Saturday to a woman
with plans to use it as a cookie jar, she didn't know it held the
ashes of her husband's late wife.
Terrence Lewis' previous wife had collected turtles and the
couple's home was full of them, Anita Lewis said.
She realized her mistake and began a frantic search that led to
the Salvation Army Thrift Shop in Horseheads after an anonymous
caller's tip to the Star-Gazette of Elmira.
http://www.happynews.com/news/882007/wo ... l-sale.htm

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comBring Your Own Beverages
If you are in the habit of purchasing beverages or snacks
from vending machines at work or school, consider buying
cases of drinks and snacks so you can bring your own.
Vending machines usually charge double what grocery
stores do.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
Maggie has a particularly outrageous rapport with her son.
He argues and fights with her all the time.
Finally having had enough, she takes her son to a psychologist.
After two sessions, the doctor speaks with the mother.
"Madam, your son suffers from an Oedipus Complex."
"Oedipus, Schmoedipus," replies Maggie, "It's all the same
to me. The important thing is that he loves his mother!"
=============================================
DOG SAVES MAMA GOOSE
I've heard it said that one animal can't understand when
another animal is in distress, then help. I disagree. This is
a true story.
I was in my truck, watching and not realizing it at the time
that a big Canadian Goose was in trouble, caught in a
heavy shrub. All I could see was her head snaking in and
out of the bush, while she honked.
A dog walked by, stopped to look at the bird, then stuck
his head into the shrub. At this point I started to walk over
to the bird, thinking the dog would harm it. As I got closer,
I could see where one of the goose's legs was tangled in
a rope, that threaded through the branches.
At first the goose hissed, beat her wings, but the dog
carried on. He squeezed his way into the shrub, lay
down behind the bird, and chewed on the rope until
she was free. The goose was calm at this point.
She honked, and her goslings came out of hiding. She
gathered her brood, then started to cross the highway.
Again before I could help, the dog walked out, and traffic
stopped. He looked at the goose, she hurried across
with her family, her head up, honking loudly. Once she
reached the other side of the road, the dog went on its way.
Several other people were watching as well. We all
wore huge grins, it really was a great thing to witness.
I went into the shrub, and yanked out as much of the
rope as I could. The next goose to get caught might
not have a hero dog to help her to safety.
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

Two buddies, Tony and Billy, are getting very
drunk at a bar when suddenly Billy throws up all over himself. "Oh, no.
Now Jane will kill me!"
Tony says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty
in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone
threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually, Billy rolls into home and his Jane starts to give him a bad time.
"You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over
yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says:
"Nowainaminit,I can e'splain everything!
Itsh not what you think. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy
got sick on me... he'd had one too many and he just couldn't hold his
liquor. He said he was very sorry an' gave me $20 bucks for the
cleaning bill!"
Jane looks in the breast pocket and says:
"But this is forty bucks."
"Oh, yeah... I almos' forgot" says Billy,
"he crapped in my pants, too....!!"
He never saw the frying pan, but vaguely remembers hearing
a gong.

Good Morning, !
Sunday, Aug 26, 2007
=========================================
Nothing will work unless you do.
--- John Wooden
=========================================
In the lounge car during a cross-country train trip, the conversation
turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health.
One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject.
"Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due
to simple food.
Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of 20 to that of 40 I lived
an absolutely simple regular life -- no effeminate delicacies, no late
hours, no extravagances.
Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine
o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to
one, then had dinner--a plain dinner, mark my words: after that, an
hour's exercise; then --"
"Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner, "but
what were you in jail for?"
=========================================
Q. How can you identify the Polack at a Cockfight?
A He's the one who brought the duck.
Q. How can you identify the Italian at the Cockfight?
A. He's the one who bets on the duck.
Q. How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight?
A. If the duck wins, they're involved.

=========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
=========================================

Waiting in a long, slow-moving line for security clearance
at the Calgary International Airport in Canada, I was
annoyed to hear a loud male voice behind me. "Excuse me,
excuse me," said the man as he pushed his way to the front.
"I want to make sure I get a good seat."
Since I had my boarding pass with my usual seat assignment,
3F, I didn't really care, but turned to give the line jumper a
raised eyebrow anyway,
-- and found myself face to face with a smiling pilot.
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.
=============================================
A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her
breasts in the mirror.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the
breasts of a 25 year old."
The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50
year old ass?"
She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the Education Bureau in Liaoshen, China
Flushed Out
August 9, 2007 - Fuxin City, China - Ananova
Five students in China have been dismissed from school for
not flushing the toilet.
The students are based at the Ethnic Mongolian Experimental
Middle School in Fuxin city.
The headmaster, Mr. Shi, explained: "Every year we sign a
commitment paper with each parent and child, to make sure
students behave properly at school.
"The punishments for breaking the rules aren't negotiable, he added.
The Commitment Paper has 27 rules and flushing the toilet
is one of them.
The move has angered parents.
"We have complained to the school and the local education bureau
many times, but the school insists on its decision," said one.
The education bureau says that the school has overreacted,
reports Liaoshen Evening News.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2454998.html?menu=
Sounds like the sniveling dogooders have invaded China and
started to backstab the schools.
===========================================
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
Jury Selection
===========================================
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started
to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like
all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so
upset, I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her
friend.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at
least another fifteen pounds first."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Nigle
Re: Filter AOL flags
Dear Webby:
I took your advice and installed Mailwasher.
You were right (as usual), it is great. Would you please
tell me how to write a filter to block/delete e-mail that has
more than 2 Fwd: Fw: etc. in the subject line. I need to be
able to receive mail with 2 forwards, but not any more
than that. I also need to get this mail from people who are
on my friends list. Is it possible to have filter for this?
Thanks for all your good work.
Nigle
Dear Nigle
Hit CTRL T
ALT F
A
to add a new filter
(Or do the equivalent mousing around)
Filter name: AOL-Flag
Priority: no checkmark on "This filter takes precedence
over the Friends List.
Status Description: AOL-Flag, and select a crappy color.
(Use colors that you like for filters that mark mails as good)
Put a checkmark on "Mark this email for deletion
In the Rules
Select: Subject Field
Select Contains
type fwd: fwd: fwd: into the value field
Hit OK
The result will be:
If the Subject field contains "fwd: fwd: fwd:"
then mark the message as mail to be deleted.
Now you can shuffle that filter up the list of filters.
That requires some strategic thinking. When a mail has been
cleared or dumped by a filter, filters farther down won't affect it.
It is no longer in the queue. For example, if you want to mark mails
as legitimate if they contain the word "forms" in the subject line,
but want to dump it if it also contains an AOL flag (>>>) ,
then you would move this filter up above the "forms" filter.
Hit OK, and it is done.
You can try the filter with just two fwd's in the subject line. Then it
will mark mails with two or more of them, and you can manually
"rescue" some of those.
If you get mails that contain foreign equivlents of "Fwd:" in the
subject line, then filter for the AOL flag ">>>" in the body.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 9, 2007 - Nouakchott, Mauritania - AP
Mauritania passed a law promising prison time for people who
keep slaves — a monumental step in the northwest African nation's
push to eliminate the long-standing practice.
The law, adopted unanimously late Wednesday by Mauritania's
legislature, calls for prison sentences of up to 10 years for people
found keeping slaves, and reparations for those who have been
enslaved.
Slavery has existed for hundreds of years in Mauritania — a poor
nation of Muslim nomads and traders on the Sahara Desert's.
Yet it has been hard to know how persistent the practice is
because owners and slaves often have lived together for
decades and consider one another to be family.
The government officially abolished slavery in 1981, but no one
has ever been prosecuted for it and no law created a punishment.
http://www.happynews.com/news/892007/ma ... ry-law.htm

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comYard Sale Closing Time
A few hours before you end your yard sale sale, make
everything half price or have a bag sale. For a bag sale,
you set a fixed price for whatever they can fit into a bag.
Plastic grocery bags work great for this. You don't make
a lot money but you can get rid of a lot of items.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner
party. As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad,
the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid
informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen
table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's mid-
section.
The hostess decided to drive to the corner store to get
some canned salmon to fill the eaten portion and quickly
got back with appropriate fillers. As the guests
were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into
the kitchen and announced while wringing her hands,
"Madam, the cat is dead."
The hostess and her husband informed the guests
and suggested it might be best if everyone went to
the hospital and had their stomachs pumped.
Returning home, the couple asked the maid where
she had put the cat. "It is still out on the road where
you ran over it on the way to the store."
=============================================
EXTRA CHARGES
Jasper, my Maltese had a thorn in his paw that I was
unable to pull out. I took him to the veterinarian's clinic.
It was closed for lunch. I joined several other people
waiting for the door to open.
One women was in a temper. Although she had
driven up in a luxurious car, wore lovely clothes
and very fat diamond ring, all she wanted to hash
over was how expensive it was to take her pet
to the vet's.
On and on, how everyone knew a vet overcharged,
had more money than the Queen herself, didn't give
a damn about "poor" people struggling to just keep
up, plus this vet at this clinic was a cold sort of toad.
Finally the door opened. Jasper was second in line.
The vet came out to call in the first patient, the
grumbling woman. We all looked at him in shock,
then I started to giggle.
No one had noticed the quiet man sitting on the
steps waiting for the clinic to open. He was the
vet, who had forgotten his keys to get in. From
the gleam in his eyes, he had heard every nasty
word she had uttered.
This vet drove an old beat up truck, half of his time
was spent caring for animals in shelters, plus he
often cut "poor" peoples bills in half so they would
be able to afford animal medical care. Along with
every one else in that room, I hope he put a few
extra charges on her bill. He certainly deserved it!
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The
material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of
us sitting here, years ago.
"Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese
food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of
us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking
water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all
have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that
causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
An old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake!"

=============================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Scotland at a glance
=============================================

.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

Good Morning, !
Saturday, Aug 25, 2007
=========================================
Let him that would move the world, first move himself."
--- Socrates
Everyone who's ever taken a shower has an idea. It's the
person who gets out of the shower, dries off, and does
something about it that makes a difference."
--- Nolan Bushnell
=========================================
Two little boys were looking for a way to cool off on a hot summer
day.
Their dad wouldn't let them play in the sprinkler because he was
mowing the lawn, so the boys set out to find a way to get wet and
cool without getting into trouble.
They sat on the curb brainstorming the solution, when suddenly one
of them jumped up and declared, "I know! Lets get baptized!"
Well, both boys had seen enough to know that you can get wet at a
baptism, so they trotted on down to the church on the corner and
told the pastor they wanted to get baptized.
The irritated pastor finally relented after about 10 minutes of
begging, and he finally dragged the boys to the men's room and
dunked them both head first into the toilet, then sent them on
their way.
The boys sat on the curb, slightly disappointed with the whole
adventure, when one of them asked the other, "Hey, what religion
are we now?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "If we were Baptists, he
would have filled up the big tub and dunked our whole body like
he did for Uncle Jim, and if we were Catholic, he would have poured
it on our heads from a pitcher..."
They sat and thought about it for a while longer when the first one
said in a small voice, "Since he stuck our head in the toilet, I
think that it means that we're 'pisscapalin."
=========================================
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed
in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today
is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to
explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said,
"So why is the groom wearing black?"

=========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
=========================================

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered
to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the
happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping
it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said,
"So why is the groom wearing black?"
==========================================
A young couple decided they needed an au pair, and arranged
for a girl to come over from Northern Finland. When she arrived,
the wife asked, "Can you cook?"
"No," said the girl, "My mother always did that."
"Can you do housework?" asked the wife.
"No, my oldest sister always did that."
"Well," said the wife, "You'd better just look after the children."
"I don't know how," said the girl. "My youngest sister always did that."
"What can you do, then?" asked the wife, in desperation.
"Well," said the Finnish girl brightly, "I can milk reindeer."
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.
=============================================
This Lady needed her bedroom painted. She called a painter
to paint it for her. He came and painted it a beautiful color.
She was so proud of it.
That night her husband came home, and she said, "Look honey,
what a beautiful room."
The husband, being tired, leaned his hand against the wall
and told her how pretty it was, but the paint, still being wet,
smeared a little. The lady was rather upset that he had smeared
the wall.
The next day, the painter comes over to get paid, and the
lady says, "Oh, you must come in and see where my husband
put his hand last night."
The painter replied, "Sorry, I can't do that, lady, but I will split
a beer with you."
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Hans Ahl, 62, Sweden
Sent in by Lillemor
Rich Cry-Baby
Millionaire Swede pays dear for speed
Published: 24th August 2007 08:39 CET
Online: http://www.thelocal.se/8276/
A millionaire from Småland in southern Sweden has been forced
to pay a 195,000 kronor ($28,000) fine after he was caught
speeding on the Baltic island of Åland.
Hans Ahl, 62, was hit with the full force of Finnish law after
driving his Chevrolet minivan at a speed of 67 kilometres/hour
(42 mph) in a 30 km/h zone (19mph). Though the population of
Åland is Swedish speaking, the main island and its many skerries
are in fact an administrative province of Finland.
Unlike in Sweden, where there is a 4,000 kronor maximum charge,
Finland does not place an upper limit on traffic fines. Instead the
cost of a speeding ticket is calculated on the basis of the offender's
income.
"I can laugh about it now that a few days have passed. And I
can pay it alright but it's a lot of money," Ahl told Expressen.
The 62-year-old has said that he intends appealing the decision,
partly because he didn't know that there was a 30 km/h speed limit.
"You would have a hard job finding the 30 sign. I thought I was
out in the countryside in the middle of the woods," said Ahl.
TT/The Local (news@thelocal.se/08 656 6518)
-----------------------------------
So that they would be equally memorable for everybody, and not
laughed off as cheap toll, Finland has for many years based
speeding fines on the speeder's income. Anssi Vanjoki, a top
Nokia executive, was fined about 5 times as much for a similar
ticket (46 mph in a 30mph zone) in 2002, as Hans Ahl was fined.
===========================================
Thanks to JoAnn for this picture:
A Hardy Fuchsia and one of our Summer visitors. These little
jewels give us so much pleasure and it only costs a few nice
plants and a bag of sugar for their feeders. Sure is cheap
entertainment for the season!
Guinn and JoAnn
===========================================
A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the
proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.
"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies,
lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since
you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish
heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Morris.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store
complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any
smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20
more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really
angry.
"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece
when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping
me off!"
"You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Lori
Re: new type of postcard spoofs
Dear Webby,
there is a new type of postcard spoof out, but each fake
postcard pick-up notice seems to be different. I can't seem
to find anything common to filter for. They look like this:
izswhether@equistarchem.com wanted you to have this card
from americangreetings.com.
To view your Ecard online, click on the following link:
americangreetings.com [links to 71.207.55.224/]
Enjoy,
americangreetings.com
Since you didn't mention them, you must be filtering them
out unseen. How do you do that?
Lori
Dear Lori
Yes, you are right. I had not seen those and had to look
for them in the MailWasher restore bin. They had all gotten
dumped, unseen, by my T7 filter:
If the entire header contains "Transfer-Encoding: 7Bit", dump it.
That filter also nabs a lot of other virus generated spam.
I only keep the MailWasher stats for two days so that they don't
slow things down too much, but in the last two days that filter
dumped 30% of the spam sent towards me. Try it for a day
or two with just marking stuff to be deleted, and if it does not
mark any legitimate mail, then set it to automatically dump
stuff without showing it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
Home sweet cement pipe
A Chinese man has built a house out of two cement pipes.
Xin Yucai, 50, of Shenyang city, even turned down the chance
to move into his daughter's apartment he enjoyed living in his
unusual home so much.
"My father likes to do things differently," she explained.
"He bought two cement pipes from a construction company and
turned them into a real house, with windows, door, and even a
chimney."
The daughter says
her apartment has enough
space for her father but Xin
still insisted on making a
house of his own.
"We moved once, and he
took the pipe house with him."
The house has become a
city attraction. "From time to
time, people will come to
have a look and take pictures
with the pipe house," a
neighbour told Huashang
Morning News.

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comApplying Stain To Wood
Sand wood and remove any dust before staining. A clean, used
pair pantyhose works well for applying stain to wood. The nylon
provides an even coat and doesn't leave behind any lint. Wear
rubber gloves and old clothes. It usually takes at least two coats
to get a uniform look.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the
traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy
and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three
to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said,
"You've got to do something about all of these people driving so
fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those drivers."
So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign that said:
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.
Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got
to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing
sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff
sends out the county and they put up a new sign: SLOW:
CHILDREN AT PLAY.
And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and
called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your
signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own
sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to
have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the
farmer.
Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call
him.
"How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then.
I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone.
The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that farmer's house
and look at that sign... There might be something there that WE could
use to slow down drivers..."
So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw
the sign.
It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters
were the words:
SLOW: NUDIST COLONY.
=============================================
ROVER'S IN LOVE
It was Mark's seventh birthday. The backyard of his
home was crawling with kids, dogs, relatives, plus a
table loaded with food. Mark loved a juice drink his
mom made, plus she was generous with the sugar.
She had decided to place a huge bowl of the punch
on a low stool, with a pile of paper cups. The kids
could help themselves.
One child had brought her Chihuahua, Lacy to the
party. Mark's dog Rover, a Saint Bernard, Labrador
mix was fascinated with the tiny Lacy. He was careful
of his huge size and strength. He only wanted to get
past her snapping teeth long enough to say hello.
Lacy had enough of this inconsiderate boob sniffing
at her. She jumped out of her mistress's arms, raced
across the lawn, tumbling right into the punch bowl.
Rover to the rescue. His massive mouth closed over
Lacy, hauling her dripping out of the sweet stuff.
Even though she was in a terrible temper, he lay
down, held Lacy between his paws, and washed
her. Lacy fought a good fight, but it really was
hopeless.
He bathed her until she was glistening with drool.
Lacy bit his paw, it was like a bee sting. She caught
his lip between her teeth. He went still, until she let go.
He drooled, licked, slurped until Lacy's owner rescued
him. Just before she was picked up, Lacy squatted,
and peed on Rovers paws.
Rover? He washed his piddled up feet. He smiled.
He gazed at Lacy across the yard. Yup, no help for
it. Rover was in love!
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered
a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older.
You are just getting better."
Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said,
"Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top
and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve
the cake that he discovered that the cake read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP.
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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=============================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby
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=============================================

Good Morning, !
Friday, Aug 24, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!
=========================================
out of Atlanta comes this comment:
Americans should be ashamed !
We've eaten so many billions of Buffalo wings,
that many kids today...have never seen a buffalo fly.
Well, times are changing. Ten years ago, if I told a woman
that I wanted to google her Wiki with my Palm Pilot,
she would probably have either slapped or kissed me.
Today she'll offer to guide me in.
=========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this story:
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two
plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand.
There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while
a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of that bag...
"Darn!" says the little old lady....."I' d better go back
and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get
all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard
backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each
time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the
bushes, right into my flower beds!
So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge
clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie
through the fence, I say: $20 or off it comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck!
By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."
=========================================
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho" and
went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through
the barnyard, the visitor tried to impress the ranch hand and
started a conversation. "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd'."
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's
a big bunch of 'em right over there!"

=========================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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=========================================

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying
his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head
with the cast iron frying pan.
"I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name
"Marylou" written on it,"
she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week
when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog
I bet on."
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked
him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.
=============================================
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to
dance?"
The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't
dance with you."
The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I
said you look fat in those pants."
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to South African hospitals
Pay or die
August 17, 2007 - Johannesburg, South Africa - Ananova
A South African security guard who was shot during a
robbery was told to 'walk off' the pain.
Hospitals are reportedly refusing to remove the bullet which
is still stuck in the side of Phillip Mashiane, 38, reports the
local Star newspaper.
He was shot during a burglary at the Johannesburg property
of South Africa's ambassador to the United Nations.
The bullet passed through his elbow and entered his body
just above the hip, missed his vital organs and stopped
beneath the skin on the opposite side of his body.
Mr Mashiane told the paper he was turned away by one
private hospital because he could not afford the bills while
a public hospital took x-rays and kept him in for observation
before sending him home with painkillers.
When he returned, he says a doctor told him to 'walk the
pain off'.
Doctors at a third hospital said it could not remove the bullet
because Mr Mashiane had started treatment elsewhere.
"I want my life back. I need to work and all I ask is for them
to help me," he said.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2467232.html?menu=
===========================================
Thanks to Walter for this picture:
No global warming, but plenty of rain!
===========================================
Suffering from a bad case of the flu, the outraged patient
bellowed, "Three weeks??? The doctor can't see me for three
weeks??? I could well be dead by then!"
Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, "If so,
would you have your wife call to cancel the appointment?"
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Leanne
Re: hiberfil.sys
Dear Webby,
I got this huge file called hiberfil.sys, and it's fragmented
so badly that even DisKeeper can't do anything about it.
Actually, it's the only fragmented file it shows on the C: drive.
Is there a way to get rid of it?
Leanne
Dear Leanne
hiberfil.sys is just a snapshot of what you got open and
running, what Windows will return to when it wakes up
from hibernating.
If you get rid of, or move hiberfil.sys then Windows has
nothing to return to when you get back from lunch.
That is why DisKeeper won't touch it.
The only safe way to get rid of hiberfil.sys is to turn of
Hibernation. Go to
Control Panel
Power
Hibernation
Apply
Then reboot. The file is gone.
Now tell Diskeeper to do a defrag and snug everything up.
You will wind up with a lean and mean and fast C: drive with
zero fragments.
After that, you can turn hibernation on again.
It's a good idea to do that once or twice a year.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 20, 2007 - Finland - Ananova
A 5,000-year-old piece of chewing gum has been discovered
by an archaeology student. Sarah Pickin, 23, from Derby University,
found the lump of birch bark tar on a dig in western Finland,
reports the BBC.
Neolithic people used the material as an antiseptic to treat
gum infections, as well as a glue for repairing pots.
Ms Pickin's tutor, Professor Trevor Brown, said: "It's particularly
significant because well defined tooth imprints were found
on the gum.
"Birch bark tar contains phenols, which are antiseptic compounds."
Ms Pickin, one of five UK students on a volunteer programme
at the Kierikki Centre on the west coast of Finland, said:
"I was delighted to find the gum and was very excited to
learn more about the history."
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2471387.html?menu=

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comShopping By The Seasons
By preparing meals with foods that are in season you can
save a lot of money. Other seasonal deals to look for are meat
sales around the holidays. Some examples are hot dogs before
the 4th of July and specialty meats like ham or turkey for Easter,
Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
Supposedly a true story, but it sounds like an Urban Legend.
A British doctor examining a young woman with abdominal
pains asked her if she was sexually active. She said that she
wasn't. A later examination showed that she was pregnant.
Asked why she said that she was not sexually active, the
woman replied: I'm not, I just lie there.
When asked if she knew who the father was, with a puzzled
look she replied,
"No. Who?"
=============================================
A DOG IS A DOG, SOMETIMES
Two seniors huddled together on the bench waiting
their turn to see the veterinarian. On the lady's lap sat
a very small Pomeranian who looked quite miserable.
It was easy to see they were devoted to her. Their
wrinkled hands constantly stroked her fur, trying to
reassure the dog.
Once taken in to see the vet, he began with some
small talk to ease the old folks. Turns out they had
always lived on a farm, with only outside working
dogs. The small Pom was a gift, but they really had
no idea how to care for something so fragile.
The vet began his medical test. The wee dog
shivered and shook through the entire exam.
The old couple were asked to go into the office
with the dog, while the doctor gathered up the
test results.
Looking at the extremely anxious seniors, he
said, " Your wee one is diabetic. Does anyone
in her family have this condition?"
It was an beautiful example of how much they
loved their dog. The husband looked at his wife
"I don't think anyone in my family has diabetes,
does yours, love?
The vet just smiled, he saw this a lot, where
people simply forgot the dog was a dog, not
really a human member of the family.
He rather liked it!
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

The church next door welcomes all denominations,
but mainly they prefer tens and twenties.

Good Morning, !
Thursday, Aug 23, 2007
=========================================
When nothing is sure, everything is possible.
--- Margaret Drabble
Be changed and the world around you begins to change.
— Gerald Epstein
=========================================
Thanks to Bob for this revelation:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was
for.
Then I noticed women were coming up to me, they'd sniff,
exclaim, "Married!", and walk off.
So, gents, that's how they mark their territory! You can take
off that ring, but it's hard to get that "April fresh scent" out of
your clothes.
=========================================
A programmer, an accountant and a lawyer are all standing
around at a party discussing if it's better to have a wife or a
girlfriend.
The accountant says, "A girlfriend! No commitments, no
hassles. When you get tired, you just move on."
The lawyer says, "One needs a wife. That way you have a
representative; an extension of yourself at important
gatherings with influential people".
The programmer says, "You're both wrong. You need a wife and
a girlfriend. That way the wife thinks you're with the
girlfriend; the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife and all the
while you're at the office creating programs!"

=========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
=========================================

The gynecologist complimented the young woman on his
examination table. "Go home and tell your husband to
prepare for a baby."
"But I don't have a husband," the girl replied.
"Then, go home and tell your lover."
"But I don't have a lover. I've never had a lover!"
"In that case," the doctor sighed, "go home and tell your mother
to prepare for the second coming of Christ..."
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.
=============================================
Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he
went to the bathroom though, he hit everything but the toilet.
So mom had to go in and clean up after him.
After two weeks, she has had enough, and took Lil' Johnny to the
doctor. After the examination, the Dr.. said, "Well, his unit is
too small. An old wives tale was to give him two slices of toast
each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim
straight."
Next morning Johnny jumped out of bed and ran down to the
kitchen.
On the table are 12 slices of toast. "MOM," Johnny yelled, "the
Doc said I only had to eat 2 slices!"
"I know," smiled his mom, "The other 10 are for your father..."
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 54 year old biker in Hamamatsu, Japan
Leg? What leg?
Thanks to Sheila for this International Bonehead Award
August 14, 2007 - Tokyo, Japan - Reuters
A Japanese biker failed to notice his leg had been severed
below the knee when he hit a safety barrier, and rode on for
2 km (1.2 miles), leaving a friend to pick up the missing limb.
The 54-year-old office worker was out on his motorcycle
with a group of friends in the city of Hamamatsu, west of
Tokyo, on Monday, when he was unable to negotiate a
curve in the road and bumped into the central barrier,
the Mainichi Shimbun said.
He felt excruciating pain, but did not notice that his right
leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction, the
paper quoted local police as saying.
The man and his leg were taken to hospital, but the limb
had been crushed in the collision, the paper said.
http://uk.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnou ... 0120070814
===========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
===========================================
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the
bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a
lawyer for my 'gator."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Anton
Re: Printng photos
Dear Webby,
When I try to print pictures, they don't come out anywhere
near as good as the samples they had at the store and claimed
they had printed with that kind of printer. Did they use prints
from a different printer or am I doing something wrong?
Anton
Dear Anton
Most likely they used the most expensive photo paper and
ink from Atlantic Inkjet.com. They also probably used
a picture formatted for 300 or more pixels per inch.
If you save a picture off a browser, it will be 72 pixels per inch.
That is a huge difference in the number of dots on a picture.
On an 8x10 picture,
with 72 PPI you get 576 dots times 720 dots = 414,720 dots.
With 320 DPI you get 2560 dots times 3200 dots = 8,192,000
0.4 Million dots versus 8 Million dots.
If you use JPG format and any amount of compression, then
you also lose picture quality very quickly. JPG compression
is for sending pictures to your aunt on her slow dial-up,
but not for printing. If you want a nice print, set the compression
to 1. Watch the file size, though! For example, a picture of
the "Eye Of God" (Helix nebula) off the browser might be 30 KB
on some sites that use compression, 250 KB on mine at
Eye Of God 800 x 600,
but if you use the original, sized to 10" x 7.5" at 320 DPI,
it's over 2.5 MB.
In summary, use good paper, good ink, 300 or more DPI,
and absolutely no compression in any step between camera
and printer.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
==========================================
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 11 , 2007 - Sudbury, Suffolk, UK - Ananova
A father posed for a publicity picture in a desperate attempt
to find the daughter he has not seen for years unaware she
was just a few yards behind him.
Michael Dick scoured the streets of Sudbury, Suffolk, and
looked through the electoral register searching for Lisa, 31,
reports Metro.
After drawing a blank, he went to the Suffolk Free Press
newspaper, which ran a story on his search.
The paper took a picture for the article, of Michael and
his younger daughters Samantha, 22, and 10-year-old Shannon.
Lisa, a mother of three, discovered her father, 58, was
trying to find her when friends mentioned the story.
And when she looked at the photograph, she realised she
and her mother were just a few metres behind them and got
in touch.
Mr. Dick, a carpenter from Bow, East London, said: 'I couldn't
believe it when Lisa told me. It is just pure coincidence
that she was walking past.'
Lisa, Mr. Dick's daughter from his first marriage, moved to
Sudbury with her mother as a baby after her parents split up.
She was amazed to spot herself in the picture behind her
father and two half-sisters.
Lisa said: 'I was completely shocked. Me and my mum had
been standing in that exact place where the picture was
taken about a minute earlier, and you can see us in the
picture walking away. It is incredible.'
Lisa, who now lives in Colchester, Essex, had only gone
to Sudbury on the day the picture was taken to visit her mother.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2456317.html?menu=

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comOrganizing Cooking Sheets
Buy a piece of corner molding at your local hardware store
and cut it into pieces that are about the depth of your
kitchen cabinets. Nail the pieces of molding to the bottom
of your cabinet perpendicular to the opening and you can
then store your cookie sheets upright.
When I design a kitchen, I always put a narrow, floor to
countertop drawer beside the stove, with no sidewall on
the stove side. Into the top I put a towel rack, and in the
bottom a chrome wire guard or fence to hold cookie sheets
upright and from tipping against the stove side.
The waste heat from the stove dries the towels and stove
cloths, and the library of cookie sheets and cake pans is
easily accessible.
Now if I could find some decent flour bins, the kitchen
would be perfect.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
During a baseball game, a woman kept shouting threats at
the umpire. No matter what happened on the field, she
continuously yelled, "Kill the umpire!"
This went on for an hour. Finally, another fan called out,
"Lady, the umpire hasn't done anything wrong!"
"Hey," she yelled back, "How would you know?
That's my husband, not yours!"
=============================================
GUS AND HIS TUMMY
I stirred the homemade spaghetti sauce, savouring the
rich aroma. The sauce was a beautiful red color. I knew
my dinner guests would enjoy it. All had to do was
change into a pretty new white sundress.
Gus was a stray dog I had taken in a week ago. He was
so skinny every rib showed. His hip bones could be used
to hang hats on. He lived in my kitchen, constantly
underfoot. I knew that with time, he would learn that he
would never go hungry at my house.
The doorbell rang. I had just slipped into my sundress,
flew past the kitchen, stopped to move the pot of spaghetti
sauce from the stove. I took a step back, Gus was right
behind me. Down I went, covered in sauce.
The stuff was hot. I was moaning in pain. Gus was right
there slurping it up. My guests came in, saw the dog
standing over me licking me frantically, they panicked.
"OH no, that dog has attacked her, she's covered in blood."
They tried to grab Gus, he growled. It was his sauce, he
had first claim.
What a grand day, an ambulance, the police, along with
animal control to catch Gus. I wasn't badly burned, the dress
absorbed most of the goo. The next day I had to go spring
Gus out of doggie jail.
When I started supper cooking porkchops, I put a leash on Gus,
tied it to the table. I should have known better. I answered the
phone. While I was gone, Gus pulled the table across the room,
leaped up to snag the chops out of the pan, then grinned at me.
My husband came home, took one look at me then suggested
"How about going out for pizza?" I really have to get Gus
into training school. He beat us both to the car!
Stormy O'
A table leg? Stormy, YOU need to go to training school too.
That dog probably would have drug that table UP some stairs
to get at the pork chops!
I will always remember one eveing in 75, when I chained two
of my sled dogs, pure-bred mutts, to the welded on eye bolts
on opposite ends of the step bumper on my Ford Pick-up,
while I went into the McRae truck stop on the Alaska Highway
to eat.
When they spotted a blackbear sauntering across the parking
lot, they both took off after it like bullets. The 3/8" tow
chain I had used, was stronger than the "slighlty" rusty
bumper bolts, and with the bumper clattering along behind
them, they went after the bear.
The poor bear had probably never been that scared before
in it's life, and remembered how he used to climb trees as
a pup. He went up a telphone pole faster than a lineman
three minutes before quitting time.
I have been VERY choosy about what I tie dogs to ever since.
DearWebby

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative
is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a
double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."

Good Morning, !
Wednesday, Aug 22, 2007
=========================================
He who waits upon fortune is never sure of dinner.
--- Benjamin Franklin
A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
--- Jerome Blattner
=========================================
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing
sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home,
he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.
He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and
throw them at me, will you?"
"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."
"Why's that?"
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if
you came by, I should tell you to get the roughy. She
prefers that for supper tonight."
=========================================
A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively
mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their
parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their
sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been
successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would
speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed but asked to see them
individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the
morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the
afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger
boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting
there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman
repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised
his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and
bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and
dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his
older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG
trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did
it!"

=========================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
=========================================

Three boys were heading home from school one day when one
started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship.
He said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can throw
a 90-mph fast ball from the pitcher's mound and run and catch
it just after it crosses the plate!"
One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot
an arrow from his bow and run to the target and hold it up to
make sure the arrow hits the bulls eye!"
The last boy said, "Your dads don't even come close to being
faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even
though he works every day until 4:00 he gets home at 3:30!"
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.
=============================================
Delivering his speech at the opening banquet of a national
convention, the visiting minister told several anecdotes he
expected to repeat at meetings the next day.
Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested
that the reporters omit them from any accounts they might
turn in to their newspapers.
A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his
piece with the following:
"The minister also told a number of stories that cannot be
printed here."
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Mike Vick
(Story sent in by Jai)
ATLANTA -- The Atlanta Humane Society said they are receiving
donations from across the country -- and you'll never guess what
people are sending:
Mike Vick jerseys and t-shirts
"We discovered like any donation we get, any shirt or towel, we
put it to good use here at Atlanta Humane Society. We're always
using things to clean kennels, use for bedding and stuff like that,"
said Smith.
Did she say cleaning kennels?
"We're not showing any favoritism to these jerseys, they go into
our general rotation of towels," Smith said.
One dog is using his Vick jersey as a pillow.
Complete story at http://www.wsbtv.com/news/13918614/detail.html
---------------------
The real bonehead award should go th the owners of the Atlanta
Falcons, who kept Mike Vick on for two years after it became
known, that he was involved with running illegal dogfights.
===========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
===========================================
Passengers aboard a luxurious cruise ship were having a
great time when a beautiful young woman fell overboard.
Immediately there was an 80 year old man in the water,
who rescued her.
The crew pulled them both out of the treacherous waters.
The captain was grateful as well as astonished that such a
white-haired old man performed such an act of bravery.
That night a banquet was given in honor of the ship's elderly
hero. He was called forward to receive an award
and was asked to say a few words.
He said, "Once I was in the water, it was no big deal.
But I sure am curious about who pushed me overboard."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ormond
Re: Most reliable connection
Dear Webby,
What is the most reliable connection?
I don't really need very high speed, but for my on-line
credit card order processing, I need 100% reliability.
I am not an AOLer, so I don't have a religious hangup
requiring things to be free or the absolute cheapest.
I can write it off as a business expense anyway.
Ormond
Dear Ormond
NOTHING on the net is 100% reliable.
Approach it the same way as the power on a big boat.
For normal operation, use a big Diesel (DSL)
and for emergency, when there is a problem with the Diesel,
use a little put-put outboard. (Dial-Up).
Cable may be a bit faster, but the reliability of cable is
rarely even near what it theoretically should be.
DSL is quite reliable, normally, but even big companies like
Telus have occasional problems, especially when they try
to do a system wide software upgrade and accidentally
knock off a few thousand clients. They just did that again
this Monday night and wound up reverting to the old system
Tuesday afternoon.
At times like that I simply switch to Earthlink dial-up. I have
had that account for a dozen years for traveling, and the
occasional DSL downtime.
In summary, for a business you do need a back-up way onto
the net. Whether you use DSL or Cable for normal operation,
keep a cheap dial-up connection going.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 21, 2007 - Lehighton, Pennsylvania - AP
Sheila Drummond didn't need to see her hole-in-one. She
heard it. Drummond, blinded by diabetes 26 years ago,
experienced the highlight of her golfing career Sunday,
recording an ace on the 144-yard, par-3 fourth hole at
Mahoning Valley Country Club.
Playing with her husband and coach, Keith, and two friends
in a steady rain, the 53-year-old Drummond hit a driver on
the hole. The shot cleared a water hazard, flew between
traps and landed on the green, where it hit the flagstick
before dropping into the hole.
''They were saying, 'It's a great shot,' and then I heard
it hit the pin,'' Drummond said.
''For a hole-in-one, you have to hit it onto the green, so it's
a little bit of skill and a lot of luck.''
http://www.happynews.com/news/8212007/b ... career.htm

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comSaving Money on Dairy
You'll almost always save money by buying larger containers
of dairy items like yogurt, milk and cheese but make sure
you don't buy so much it will spoil before it's used. Stock
up on cheese when it's on sale, it can be grated and frozen
for later use.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
Thanks to Jai for this story:
As with many funerals, it was a cloudy, rainy day.
The deceased was a little old lady who had devoted
her entire married life to nagging at her poor husband.
When the graveside service had no more than
terminated, there was a tremendous burst of thunder
accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more
rumbling thunder.
The little old man looked at his priest and calmly said,
"Sounds like SHE has been told where to go."
=============================================
OH MY FRAZZLED NERVES
The entire neighborhood could hear Thelma screaming.
"Get it out of here, now!" Silence, then, "That dog isn't
normal, Eeeeek, catch that slimy thing." Finally, "That's
it, wait till your father gets home."
The fuss was over a little dog called Julie. She was a
small mixed breed dog. She did have one horrid habit.
Julie liked snakes. She didn't hurt or kill them, she merely
liked to catch them and carry them wriggling into the house.
Of course Thelma, would end up on the counter top,
holding her skirts up around her neck, screeching at the top
of her lungs for her kids to catch the snake. Her wrath boiled
over when Julie hauled home a tiny garter snake, then presented
it to Thelma when she was, shall we say, busy in the bathroom.
Dad arrived home to find his wife in tears, his kids
sulking and Julie tied to the dog house. He also
brought home his boss and his wife for dinner.Thelma
had forgotten, there wasn't any hot meal ready.
She bawled openly while telling her husband her nerves
couldn't handle any more snakes. Julie had to go. The kids
wailing could be heard two blocks away. The boss's wife
hearing the story said, "Why I love snakes, I'll take Julie."
Dinner was finally served. The boss stared across the table
at his wife thinking of how much he loved her, never able to
deny her smallest wish. No one knew that he had recently
spent the entire night in his car, afraid to open the door because
he had seen a baby snake. He wondered, how "his" nerves
were going to hold up with Julie, and her gifts.
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read
"Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down.
The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what
he wanted.
"What's your 'Unique Breakfast'?" he asked inquisitively.
"Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly.
"Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how
disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating
anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" the man fumed.
Undaunted, the waitress asked,
"Well, what would you like then, sir?"
The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs."

=============================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
France at a glance
=============================================

.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

Good Morning, !
Tuesday, Aug 21, 2007
=========================================
The most drastic and usually the most effective remedy
for fear is direct action.
--- William Burnham
I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution.
--- Wernher von Braun
=========================================
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to
report her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a
description.
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy
hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and
is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4
inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your
children."
The wife replied, "Yeah, but who wants HIM back?"
=========================================
"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when, Jason,
a college boy delivered his pizza.
"Well," Jason replied, "this is my first delivery,
but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out
of you, I'd be doing great."
"Is that so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's
five dollars."
"Thanks," Jason said, "I'll put it in my college fund."
"By the way, what are you studying?" questioned
the man.
Jason replied, "Applied psychology."

=========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
=========================================

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years,
died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years,
mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their
mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master
bath suite and Jacuzzi.
As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much
all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is Heaven."
Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course in
the backyard. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each
week the course would change to a new one, representing the great
golf courses on Earth.
The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?"
Peter's reply, "This is Heaven -- you play for free."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with
the cuisines of the world laid out.
"How much to eat?" asked the old man.
"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it's FREE!" Peter replied
with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man
asked timidly.
Peter lectured, "That's the best part -- you can eat as much as you
like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick.
This is Heaven."
With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat
and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly.
Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was
wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault.
If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here 10
years ago!"
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.
=============================================
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies"
as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing
to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands.
Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his
question. This time he received a response of eighty percent.
Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen minutes and repeated his
question. With thoughts of Sunday dinner, all responded except one old
gentleman in the rear.
"Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'
"I don't have any."
"Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?
"Eighty six"
"Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation
how a man can live to eighty six" and not have an enemy in the
world."
The old man teetered down the aisle and slowly turned around.
"It's easy. I just outlived them."
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to robbers in Laohekou City, China
lack of homework
August 15, 2007 - Laohekou City, China - Ananova
A Chinese woman has told how robbers snatched a parcel of
dog poo wrapped in newspaper out of her hand outside a bank.
Mrs. Chen, of Laohekou city, was waiting in the bank to withdraw
money when nature suddenly called for her dog.
"While I was waiting in the queue, my dog had to poo. So I asked
for several pieces of newspaper to wrap the poo," she said.
After wrapping it, Chen left the bank, and was waiting to cross the
street to throw the parcel into a rubbish bin when the robber struck.
"A motorcycle stopped swiftly before me, the man on the rear seat
seized the package from me, and they sped away," she said.
Police are investigating the case while "laughing at the
stupidity of the robbers", according to Chutian City Papers.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2464125.html?menu=
===========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
===========================================
"According to a New Jersey poll, 92% of married women say
they would marry the same man...Mel Gibson."
--- Jay Leno
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Elvira
Re: No more noise and slowdown
Dear Webby,
You were absolutely right! My computer must be the cat hair
and dust bunny filter for the entire neighborhood!
After I got over the initial shock, it was actually fun to root
around in there and clean around all the mysterious chps and
things.
This afternoon, even though it was hotter than last week,
the computer never went into that noisy high speed fan mode
and never slowed down. You obviously hit the nail right on
the head.
Now that I have you nicely buttered up, what is your opinion
of RoboForm? How difficult is it to syncronize it with my
laptop, so that I have the same information on both machines?
Some friends say it's OK, but my daughter and her friend
tell me to stay away from it.
Elvira
Dear Elvira
RoboForm is quite OK. You can set it so secure that the FBI
can't hack into it, or as casual as you want it. If you just store
passwords for a bunch of different recipe clubs or surveys,
then you can use minimum security and never have to enter
your password to use it.
Syncronizing is a snap. It's so obvious that you don't even have
to read the instructions. It downloads GoodSync and installs it.
When it opens, everything is greyed out except ANALYZE.
So you hit that and it shows you what you have on each machine
and whether the updating goes to the laptop or to the desktop.
You can exclude stuff, if you want.
Then SYNC lights up, and when you hit that, it updates both
machines so that they both have exactly the same (newest)
user names and passwords.
I have used RoboForm for many years and never had any
problem or lost passwords.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
Kudos to officer Moore ...
August 15, 2007 - Elko County, Nevada - Ananova
A US woman has been arrested for drunk driving -
after being pulled over by her husband.
Off-duty sheriff's deputy Charlotte Moore, 36, was driving
her Pontiac car when she was pulled over by husband and
fellow sheriff’s deputy Mike Moore.
Mr. Moore called for back-up after his wife allegedly drove
off without giving a breath test. He left after colleagues arrived.
Two separate accounts of the incident by Mr. Moore indicate
his wife was either speeding or making an illegal turn when
he pulled her over, according to a police report.
Mrs. Moore, 36 of Elko County, Nevada, is a jail deputy and
11-year veteran of the sheriff’s office, reports the Elko Daily
Free Press.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2464030.html?menu=

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comPolishing a Stainless Steel Sink
Put a tablespoon of flour in a dry sink and rub it against
the bottom and walls of the sink. Then rinse out the flour
and dry the sink with a clean rag. A few tablespoons of
baking soda also works well for this.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he
sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!" under his
breath.
On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!"
again, a little louder this time.
On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the
green only six inches from the hole!
"Praise be to God!"
He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead
of going in.
"HOOVER!!!!" By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any
longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover".
"It's the biggest dam I know."
=============================================
IF YOU CAN
*Never pretend to be something you're not
*Sleep without the aid of drugs, relax without liquor
* Be lively, without caffeine in your coffee
*Be cheerful, ignore all those aches and pains
* Forgive, in seconds any hurt or wrong done to you
*Never complain or go on needlessly about how
hard your life is
* Be so grateful with the smallest amount of attention
*Allow people to hug you when they want to
* Enjoy your food, stop when you're full
*When a friend is having a horrible day, sit
beside them, offer your support by just being quiet
*Never feel the need to tell lies or use deceit
*Always greet your loved ones at the door with
complete happiness that they have come home
safe to be with you
If you can do these things, then you are almost as good
as your dog.
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

Thanks to Billy-Bob for this story:
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market.
I went and looked around and couldn't find any.
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said,
"These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with
any poisonous chemicals?"
"The produce guy looked at me and said,
"No. You'll have to do that yourself...."

Good Morning, !
Monday, Aug 20, 2007
=========================================
Politics is not the art of the possible.
It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith
Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice.
--- William Jennings Bryan
=========================================
Thanks to Diane for this story:
In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern
started a building to open up their business. The local
Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from
opening with petitions and prayers.
Work progressed, however right up till the week before
opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned
to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after
that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that
the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of
his building, either through direct or indirect actions or
means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any
connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made it's way into court, the judge looked
over the paperwork at the hearing and commented,
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this,
but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar
owner who believes in the power of prayer,
and an entire church congregation that doesn't.
=========================================
"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife,
"my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?"
"What I love most about you,"
responded the man's wife, "is your hilarious sense of humor."

=========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
=========================================

Thanks to linda for this story:
In high school I was always self-conscious about my height.
Once I was asked out by a lifeguard. I had never stood next
to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the
date I took out two pairs of shoes, one with heels, one flat.
I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his
height with my date's, and run upstairs to let me know which
pair of shoes to wear.
When heard the doorbell, I waited. Then my brother
showed up and told me: "Go barefoot."
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.
=============================================
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant
when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their
table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and
walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough,
I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember,
if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more
shopping trips, no more wintering down South, no
more summers up North, no more spare car in the garage
and no more yacht club.But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous
babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to boneheads at large in Tayside, Scottland
Dear police,...
August 17, 2007 - Scotland, UK - The Scotsman
The police force yesterday revealed some of the more unusual
requests made to them in the past two years.
Tayside Police showed under Freedom of Information (FOI)
legislation that officers were asked if police dogs used treadmills
or exercise machines to stop them becoming overweight,
what a beggar's average daily income is and how many parking
tickets are given to foreign nationals.
Other bizarre questions submitted to the force included a request
for information about an incident in which a flowerpot was
"criminally damaged".
Another was for details of how many Dundee taxi drivers accessed
internet paedophilia sites between the hours of 4am and 7am.
The force was also asked whether it employed psychics to help
with the work it carries out. A spokeswoman confirmed they did not.
The health of police dogs seemed a particular cause for concern.
As well as being quizzed over their exercise regime, the force
was also asked whether the animals became travel-sick, and
if so, how they overcame it.
More common requests include applications for information about
speed cameras, sex offenders and general offences. Details of the
unusual requests are contained in a report to be placed before the
Tayside Joint Police Board, which meets in Perth next week. The
report says FOI requests cost the force tens of thousands of pounds
a year.
http://news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?tid ... 1298562007
===========================================
Correction on yesterday's picture: That was from this year's
Chinese Lantern Festival in Toronto, Canada.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks to my dad for this picture of his Albicans cactus:
Today is Dad's 84th birthday.
1024x 768: http://webby.com/humor/i/Albicans-1024.JPG
===========================================
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud
whistle from one of the back pews. Little Johnny's mother
was horrified. She pinched him and told him to be silent.
After church she asked, "Johnny,
whatever made you do such a thing?"
Little Johnny said quite honestly, "I asked God to
teach me how to whistle and all of a sudden, He did!"
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Elvira
Re: Noisy computer
Dear Webby,
My computer works fine in the morning, but in the afternoon
it gets noisy and most programs slow down. The wanna-be
son-in-law who claims to be a computer guru, said it's just
getting old and that he would give me $50 trade-in value
for it if I bought a new $1600 computer from him.
My computer is only two years old, and in the morning is
still quite a speed demon.
What's the real story?
Elvira
Dear Elvira
That guy is not a guru, he is a gooron, or a crook.
Or possibly both.
Your computer is simply overheating in the afternoon,
because it has not been cleaned out for a long time.
Take the side cover off. If you can do that and comfortably
lie down on the floor in front of it, do it there, otherwise
unplug everything and set the computer on top of some
spread newspapers on the kitchen table.
Then take the vaccum cleaner with the furniture crevice
tool attached and clean out all the dust bunnies and dirt.
lean the heat sinks with Q-tips.
"Heat Sinks" are those finned metal blocks that cover
the CPU and other hard working chips.
Some heatsinks have shrouds over them. Those can normally
be removed wihout any tools. Just look at them and push on
different sides and places. They are a bit tricky, but any woman,
who can take a food processor apart and put it back together,
has a huge advantage over men who have not acquired
that skill.
The heat sinks under shrouds frequently look rather gross,
but no worse than the inside of a stove exhaust hood.
Fold a kleenex or paper towel around a business card or
credit card and slide it between the fins to clean them. If
they don't come perfectly clean with just that, drip some
rubbing alcohol onto the paper.
Don't think of the project as a tedious nuisance. Consider
it a battle against the evil dust bunnies in their secret
castle and it's a fun ten minutes.
Afterwards your computer will run fine all day and never
get so hot that the fans go into noisy overdrive or that it
slows down the CPU because it is getting too hot.
When you put the computer back, put it onto some bricks
or old phone books to raise the dust bunny entrance portal
a bit above the floor.
And don't forget to tell your daughter that her pet gooron
is an idiot.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 16, 2007 - Devon, Netherlands - Ananova
A Dutch family have spent their holidays on the same Devon
campsite every year for half a century. The Plomp family have
been travelling the 500 miles from their home near Amsterdam
to the tranquil spot near Exmouth since 1957, reports the
Daily Mirror.
And this October, Hans and Margaret Plomp, who recently
celebrated their 64th wedding anniversary, will be making
their 50th journey to the Devon Cliffs holiday park.
The couple will be accompanied by two of their four children -
son William, 57, and his wife Regina, and daughter Pauline,
59, with her husband William.
Hans first took his family to the resort after a friend
recommended the place.
"We all slept in a big tent with one room for the children
and the other for me and Margaret," says Hans.
"Back then, there were only a few tents and about 30
caravans. We had sheep grazing around the tents. It was
beautiful with lovely hilly countryside and meadows."
Today, the spot is now a Haven Holiday park. It boasts an
indoor and outdoor pool, an all-weather sports court, a
luxury spa, adventure golf, amusement arcade, shops,
takeaways and restaurants.
Thanks to their frequent visits, Hans and Margaret are
regarded as regulars in the congregation at the local church
and are good friends with many of the staff at Devon Cliffs.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2465607.html?menu=

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comUsing a Plunger In a Bathroom Sink
One problem with using a plunger in a bathroom sink is that
the plunger can not create a true seal because of the
overflow opening. Before plunging, cover the overflow with
a piece of tape or hold a cloth against it. This will allow
the plunger to do it's work efficiently.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son
who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do
something nice for Dad and send me the bill."
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next
month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also
paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally
the man called his brother again to find out what was
going on.
"Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something
nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo.
=============================================
MARE SAYS THANKS
The old dog rarely left the farm. He preferred to stay
near the old grey mare in the pasture. No one could ride
that horse. Many had tried, spitting out a mouthful
of dirt plus enduring a a very bruised body.
The mare liked kids and the old dog. She had her own
ideas on how to live her life. When she saw the kids with
the old dog heading out on a short ten minute hike into
town, she would jump the fence to join them.
It was a strange procession. The kids strolling down
the shady streets of the small town, the mare behind,
followed by the dog. Right down to the Dairy Queen.
They would order cones for themselves, a small
bowl for the dog, and a large bowl of soft ice-cream
for the mare, with a spoon please.
Her eyes half closed, she would open her mouth
to take one full spoonful at a time. It was a bit messy,
but who cared. She loved the stuff. When kids, dog
and horse finished, they headed for home.
But first, the kids climbed onto the mare's back.
She would go at her own pace, walking along
with her cargo of small ones, the dog padding
along quietly beside her.
It was the only time she would allow anyone on
her back. Only on the trip home, after her dish of
ice cream, were the kids allowed on. Horses can
be very polite critters, this was just her way of
saying, "Thanks, I really enjoyed that, now hop
on and I'll carry you home!"
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young girl named
Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her way to New
York where before long, she became a successful performer in show
business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday
night went to confession in the church where she had always attended
as a child.
In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking
her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer,
and he wanted to know what that meant.
She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on
stage. She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father
Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits,
handsprings and back flips.
Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-
aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one
said to the other, "Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan
is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on...!"

Good Morning, !
Sunday, Aug 19, 2007
=========================================
Inspirations never go in for long engagements;
they demand immediate marriage to action."
--- Brendan Francis
What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson
=========================================
Two snooty women were sitting in the living room, waiting
for their hostess, who was slightly delayed in another room.
The daughter of the family was with the two women, on the
theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the
wait.
The child was about six years old. She was snub nosed,
spotted with splotchy freckles, buck toothed, and
bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two
ladies peered doubtfully at her.
Finally, one of the women muttered to the other, "She's not
very p - r - e - t - t - y, is she?"
Whereupon the child piped up, "Maybe not, but I'm quite
s - m - a - r - t and I can s - p - e - l - l...."
=========================================
A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop early one morning.
The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece,
based on the look on Todd's face, but soon realized his
assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a basket of
flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary.
"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.
Glumly he replied, "Yesterday."

=========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
=========================================

A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting
at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with
you?", he asks.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a
new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or
a redhead ?"
"Neither. Her grandfather is bald."
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter.
=============================================
Thanks to Cookie for this story from her recent visit to New York:
Two businessmen in NY are sitting down for a break in their
soon-to-be new store ... as yet, the store isn't ready...
only a few shelves are set up.
One says to the other, "I bet any minute now some tourist
is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask
what we're selling."
No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough,
a curious fellow walks to the window, has a peek, and in a
Southern drawl asks, "Whacha y'all sellin' here?"
With a sly smile, one of the men replies,
"Oh! We're selling assholes here."
Without skipping a beat, the rebel says,
"Well, ah see y'all're doing right good, you only got two left!"
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Florin Radu Hretu, 27, from Pascani, Romania
OOOPS, wrong excuse!
August 15, 2007 - Pascani, Romania - Ananova
A Romanian man has been sacked after his mother visited him
at work - minutes after he told his boss she had just died.
Florin Radu Hretu, 27, from Pascani in Iasi county, had just
asked to borrow some money to pay for her funeral.
He has given the equivalent of £150 but had to immediately
pay it back when his mother turned up a few minutes later.
He was also fired and is also being investigated by police
for fraud.
A spokesman for the prosecutor's office, Liviu Beceru, said:
"The young man tried to defend himself saying he received
a call in which he was being informed about his mother
death but refused to say who that person was."
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2464094.html?menu=
===========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this picture from the
2007 Lantern Festival in China
===========================================
Thanks to Cindy for this story:
When I lived with my parents a few years ago, I came
home from work and found the back door open and our
indoor-dog outside; very strange. Turns out my Mom had
come home for lunch, let the dog out, forgot about him,
left the door open and her book she was reading at the
time on the kitchen table: 12 STEPS TO IMPROVE YOUR MEMORY."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Theo
Re: MSIE Status line unprdictable
Dear Webby,
Some of the time my MSIE browser shows the URL of links that
the mouse is hovering over, but sometimes it doesn't. At
first I thought those were spoofed links, but it does it with
perfectly good links too. Firefox shows the URLs in the status
bar for those links quite OK. Is this a bug or something that
can be fixed?
Theo
Dear Theo
Yes, it is a MSIE bug, and no, it can't be fixed. I guess it's
not predictable enough to let anybody pinpoint the exact
cause.
It's a fairly new bug and probably due to Microoft trying to
sneak MSIE7 "features" into MSI6 behind your back.
You can minimize the occurrence of this bug by avoiding
ALL third party tool bars. In addition to that, in the advanced
settings for Tools, Intenet Options, put a checkmark on
"Show friendly URLs". The status bar message will be verbose,
and instead of showing just the link, will say
"shortcut to filename at URL", but it will show just about
all URLs. I know it's klutzy, but until they fix it, that's the
best I can come up with.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 16, 2007 - Alton, Ohio - IBS
A man who had been missing in the New Hampshire woods since
Sunday was found alive Tuesday afternoon after his dog led
rescuers near his location.
Fish and Game Department officials said that Chuck Schultz,
64, was hiking with his German shepherd in some woods near
a hiking trail. An officer saw his pickup truck parked near the
woods Sunday morning and became concerned when the
vehicle was still there Monday afternoon.
"The vehicle was parked there with a dog crate in the back,"
Fish and Game Lt. Jim Goss said. "He frequents the area
to walk, and the dog crate was left open as if he and the dog
had gone for a walk."
Rescue teams had been searching for Schultz since Monday
but were unable to locate him until his dog, Miss Moosey,
emerged from the woods Tuesday afternoon. The dog was
nervous and aggressive, but Nancy Lyon, a member of
New England K-9 Search and Rescue, said she was able
to gain Miss Moosey's trust.
"I went up the trail a bit and tried to make myself smaller
and make myself interesting enough so she felt could safely
come to me, so I sat on the ground," Lyon said.
Knowing that Miss Moosey had been in the woods for at least
two days, Lyon offered her jars of meat baby food.
"She came over at first and didn't want food," Lyon said.
"Then, she decided she could take the food."
Lyon was able to put a leash on the dog, who started
leading searchers back into the woods. Miss Moosey led
them to a spot on the trail, and a K-9 with the Fish and
Game Department was able to pick up Schultz's scent from
there. He was about 830 feet off the trail.
"He is alive, though he seems to be dehydrated, disoriented,"
Goss said.
Crews took Schultz out of the woods on an all-terrain vehicle,
and he was placed in an ambulance. His family said that he
was doing well but is still recovering in a hospital.
Miss Moosey is being cared for by friends until she can be
reunited with Schultz.
http://www.kirotv.com/family/13898809/detail.html

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comGet Rid of Monthly Storage Fees
Sort through your storage unit and keep what you want, but
sell or give the rest to the needy. Get out of paying those
monthly storage fees! That's money wasted that you could
have invested or used for vacation. A storage locker for 5
years at $75 a month would cost $4,500!
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
I'm used to do some locksmithing and still get called out
for all types of emergencies. Just this morning, I received
a call from a young lady telling me she had locked her keys
in her truck.
She was very frantic, as she had to get to work. I told her
the cost, found out where she was, and I was on my way.
Since she told me she thought the keys were in the truck
(but couldn't remember for sure where she had put them,)
I began working on opening the passenger door of her truck.
As I was maneuvering my tool to unlock the door, I looked
across at the driver door and noticed... it was unlocked.
Without a word, I walked around and opened the door for her.
'Thank you!' she said. 'I didn't even know you could unlock
the driver's door from the passenger side.'"
=============================================
BETTER MANAGEMENT
I was in a hurry, late for a meeting some two hundred
miles away. The weather was lovely. I decided to
take my black Lab along for the ride. She would
be allowed into the meeting with me.
Opening the back door to the car, the lab jumped in.
Hoping not to get pulled over for speeding, I made
good time, arriving only a few minutes late. I let the
dog out, but, there was something very wrong.
My dog had a patch of white on her chest. This
black lab was a male, and, oh no, he was my
neighbour's dog! I phoned her on my cell. She was
laughing so hard she could hardly speak. My dog
was sitting patiently in my driveway, two hundred
miles away, while her dog had enjoyed the ride.
Her black lab enjoyed the meeting, the pats on
his head, while I kept my mouth shut. There was
no way on this earth I was going to admit what
I had done.
The meeting I went to was, "How to Better Manage
Your Life While Boosting Your Memory!"
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

A father took his 5-year-old son to several
baseball games where The Star-Spangled
Banner was sung before the start of each
game.
Then the father and son attended a church
on a Sunday shortly before Independence Day.
The congregation sang The Star-Spangled
Banner, and after everyone sat down, the little
boy suddenly yelled out,
"PLAY BALL!!!"

Good Morning, !
Saturday, Aug 18, 2007
=========================================
Anyone who has never made a mistake
has never tried anything new.
--- Albert Einstein
=========================================
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
(Greg Norman)
"There have been injuries and deaths in boxing,
but none of them serious." (Alan Minter)
"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests,
is absolutely round." (Tony Crozier)
=========================================
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as
a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?"
the jeweler asked.
The young man thought for a moment, and said, "No, just
engrave the words - To My One And Only Love - Forever!
That way, if we break up, I can use it again."

=========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
=========================================

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize
world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would
be . . . until the looting started.
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=============================================
Mrs. Spiegel was called to serve for jury duty, but asked
to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment
and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from
running its proper course.
But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to
convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a
simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her
husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had
promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Spiegel, "I'll serve.
I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to the British Government
Not Dead
August 15, 2007 - Bournemouth, Dorset, UK - Ananova
A Bournemouth grandfather was shocked to be told his
pension and benefits had been stopped - because he was dead.
Officials told Norman Barlow, 73, it was because he was
registered as dead on their computer, reports the Dorset Echo.
Fuming daughter Gail Millatt says she has also discovered that
her father, who has had a stroke and has diabetes, has also
had his Motability vehicle payments stopped.
Gail said: "Dad said: 'Gail I don't think I've got as much
money as I thought I had'.
"So we phoned them up and asked them why he hadn't been
paid. They said they couldn't find his file and said they were
going to look into it.
"Then we had a knock on the door. It was quite a shock when
they told us that the reason he hadn't been paid is that he
is dead.
"We are absolutely amazed that somebody could be classed
as dead when clearly they are not. When my mum passed away
we had to prove she was dead.
"I have never been so angry in all my life. He's got no money
and is overdrawn and has to pay interest."
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2463973.html?menu=
Actually, that's not so rare in England. There were a few prior
bonehad awards for similar incidents.
===========================================
Thanks to all who sent this cartoon. I was surprised to see
it arrive from three continents all within the same hour.
===========================================
A dog named Sex-----
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy", I call
mine "Sex". He's a great pal but he has caused me a great
deal of embarrassment.
When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the
clerk I would like a license for Sex.
He said,"I'd like one too!" then I said,
"But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked
like.
Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was
9 years old."
He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the
dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for
my wife and me and a special room for Sex.
He said, "You don't need a special room . As long as you
pay your bill we don't care what you do."
I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me
awake at night.""
The clerk said, "Funny--I have the same problem."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition
began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why
I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had
planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have
sold my own tickets.
"But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have
Sex on TV."
He said, "Now that cable is all over the place it's no big
deal anymore."
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for
custody of the dog, I said,"Your Honor, I had Sex before I
was married."
The judge said,"This courtroom isn't a confessional.
Stick to the case, please."
Then I told him that after I was married , Sex left me. He said
"That's not unusual. It happens to a lot people."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around
town for him. A cop came over to me and asked,
"What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?"
I told him that I was looking for Sex.
My case comes up Friday.
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Victor
Re: Spam with just pictures or exe files
Dear Webby,
I am getting inundated with spam that has no text, just
pictures or PDF or exe files. Every time I make a new filter,
they seem to come up with a new file type.
How do you deal with those?
Victor
Dear Victor
That spam is generated by a virus. I don't really want to
dump mail that has pictures attached, so I looked for
a typo or anomaly typical for that type of spam. Since
most spammers are rather dumb, it's usually quite easy
to find something that you don't see in legitimate emails.
With this filter I use an abnormal head to body boundary
as the trigger.
This filter dumps about 2000 spams from my mail per day,
unseen, automatically.
If the entire header contains "="----=_" or "----------bound--"
then automatically (without warning or notification)
delete the message.
This filter takes priority over the friends list.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 17, 2007 - Rochester, New York - Gimundo
Before Sam Clanton was born, his parents painstakingly painted
and decorated his room, filling it with images of Winnie the
Pooh that were sure to put a smile on their new baby's face.
Sadly, Sam was born with Peter's Anomaly, a rare congenital
disease that has left him virtually blind. But thanks to Dr. James
Aquavella of the University of Rochester Eye Institute, that's
all about to change. Dr. Aquavella is one of the few doctors
in the world whose work is dedicated to providing corneal
implants to children. Parents have brought their blind or
sight-impaired children from as far as France and Italy to
take advantage of this miraculous procedure.
After the corneal implants, "all of a sudden, these kids can
see. Even if they can't see much, they walk around and it's
an enormous impact. I don't have words to describe it,"
Dr. Aquavella told WHEX-10 in Rochester.
On Monday, Dr. Aquavella will operate on baby Sam,
allowing him to see for the first time in his young life.
His parents can't wait.
"To actually have him point and say ‘dada,' that would be
wonderful," said Sam's father, Jon Clanton.
http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/4 ... d_Children

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comDrying Wet Shoes
Don't put wet shoes near a heat source, this can shrink
your shoes. You want to dry shoes at room temperature.
Fill the shoes with newspaper or cloth to absorb the moisture
in the inside. Change the newspaper or cloth and replace
with dry every few hours until dry.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain
man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training,
the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber
sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
=============================================
STOP MEANS GO!
The rancher had trained "Stop," his Border Collie, a
working ranch dog. The man was very pleased with
himself. He didn't believe in using whistles, or verbal
commands to train, only hand signals.
They went to a local farm animal auction. Pens were full
of bleating sheep, restless cattle, a few horses, plus
a very irate Brahma bull. Stop sat on the floor beside
his owner, his bright eyes missing nothing.
The auction began. Stop was startled by the loud
auctioneer. However his body tensed. He saw many
hands going up, down, waving, and the stock animals
were coming through the ring. Hand signals. He had
to go to work!
To the dog, some hands waving meant, 'bring animals
to the gate, ' but then he would hear his name called,
"Stop" Another set of hands, that meant, 'go out, open
a gate, let the bull out.' Or did it mean,' let the sheep
out then round them up?' No, he was called, "Stop,"
so he trotted back to his owner.
Wonder why all those men are climbing the fence?
He'd put the bull where he was signalled to, plus the
cattle, sheep and geese were all together.
Finally, the auctioneer bellowed, "Whoever owns that
damn dog, git him outa here!" He waved his hand,
Stop got really excited, that signal meant, 'run hard.'
He did, the bull ran, the building emptied, the rancher
snuck out the back door with his trained dog.
On the ride home Stop hung his head out the window.
Life was good. His owner also hung his head, so
no one would see the dog Stop was his!
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

Thaks to Kati for this story:
The lady was a Baptist who attended services and taught
Sunday School every week. On one Sunday, an out-of-town
acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her.
While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned
forward and said, "Hey, how about you and I having dinner
on Tuesday?"
"Why yes, that would be nice," the lady responded.
On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest
restaurant. When they sat down, the gentleman asked,
"Would you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no," said this fine example of Southern womanhood,
"Whatever would I tell my Sunday School class?"
After dinner he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked,
"Would you like a smoke?"
Oh my, goodness no," said the woman. "I couldn't face my
Sunday School class if I did."
Our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car
and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local
Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, and
he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with,
"Ahh, mmmmm, how would you like to stop at this motel?"
"Sure, that would be nice," she said with anticipation!
The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast
U-turn right then and there ,drove back to the motel and
checked in. The next morning, after a wild night, the gentleman
woke up first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there
in the bed and with remorse thought, "What the heck have I done?"
He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing...
whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
The lady said, "The same thing I always tell them: You don't have
to smoke and drink to have a good time."

=============================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:
Idioms, Why you Say, What you Say
=============================================

.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

Good Morning, !
Friday, Aug 17, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
=========================================
It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which,
more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.
--- William James
=========================================
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a
witness, stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep."
The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up."
=========================================
"Dear Dad," read the young soldier's first letter home.
"I cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I shot a
polar bear..."
Several months later came another letter:
"Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday
I danced with a hula girl..."
Two weeks later came yet another note:
"Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday
the doctor told me I should have danced with the
polar bear and shot the hula girl..."

=========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
=========================================

AMERICAN MOVIE RATING SYSTEM EXPLAINED
G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The Good Guy Gets The Girl.
R: The Bad Guy Gets The Girl.
X: Everybody Gets The Girl.
XXX: Everybody gets the girl, her mother, and their
cocker spaniel.
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=============================================
Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on
their exemplary offspring. "There never was a daughter
more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Davis with a sniff.
"Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week,
and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach."
"That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me,"
declared Mrs. Jones proudly. "Every winter she treats me
to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the
Hamptons, in my own private guest house."
Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her
mother like my Jackie does, nobody."
"So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her.
"Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best
psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty
dollars an hour - just to talk about me!"
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to
August 14, 2007 - Miami, Florida - AP
A man accidentally shot his accomplice in the eye Sunday
during a botched robbery attempt, authorities said. The two
suspects, who were not identified, attempted to rob security
guard Corey Tully at a BrandsMart USA parking lot at 4:40 a.m,
Miami-Dade police said.
One of the robbers pointed a gun at Tully and directed him to
the ground, he told The Miami Herald.
Tully was struggling with the armed man when the accomplice
came up from behind and tried to take him down to the ground.
The gun fired and hit the accomplice in the eye, authorities said.
The two men fled in a car with three others, but later went to a
hospital to get the wounded man treated. The man was listed
in critical condition, Miami-Dade police spokesman Robert
Williams said.
Hospital staff alerted police and the four men were arrested,
Williams said.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0708 ... ed_robbery
===========================================
===========================================
An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law
school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is
it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and
then sue the landowners for lots of money?"
Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started
speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney
asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.
"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on
sidewalks."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Donnie
Re: Win 98 compatible cheap printer
Dear Webby,
A friend needs a new inexpensive printer for an older Dell
CPU running Windows 98.
Do you have any suggestions as to priners for which we
can still find 98 drivers?
Thanks for your newsletter and all of your tech tips and help.
Donnie Stuart
Pastor, Rock Bluff Baptist Church
Mississippi
Dear Donnie
The Brother DCP110C 4-function printer (4-in-1 colour inkjet
printer, scanner, copier and PhotoCapture Center) for CDN $79
(about US $69) is probably his best bet. It has 4 separate
ink tanks, so there is no need to buy an expensive multi-color
cartridge just because black is empty.
At my ink supplier, Atlantic Inkjet.com cartridges for the Brother
DCP110C list at under $5 each and $18 for a set of 4.
Naturally, it's not a $1200 speed demon, but it's fast enough
for a small office.
In low res mode (for printing invoices, drafts and office copies)
it does 20 pages per minute. High res (photos and presentation
quality fliers) is about 3-4 pages per minute,
which is quite acceptable. The input tray holds 100 sheets of
regular paper, a bit less of thick photo paper.
It has all the drivers for WINDOWS 98, 98SE, 2000, ME, XP.
All things considered, that would be his best value for the money,
as long as he has a USB port.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 16, 2007 - Clarks Summit, Pennsylvania - AP
A broken automated teller machine refused to deliver cash
and foiled a robbery, police said. Alex Kameroski, 25, of
Clarks Summit, told investigators he was starting to withdraw
money at an ATM in the Abington Shopping Center just
before midnight Monday when a car pulled up and two men
got out.
Kameroski said he felt a gun pressed into his side, and one
of the men said, "Max out your card."
As he nervously tried to withdraw money with no success,
the two men got jumpy and left, Kameroski said.
South Abington Township Police Chief Robert Gerrity said
Citizens Bank confirmed Tuesday that the cash machine
was broken and said other customers had complained.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0708 ... ery_foiled

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.
She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking
on the phone with his back turned to her.
"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me
out, please?"
The clerk turned, looked her up and down, and smiled, "Not
bad. Quite cute, actually! But this till won't work until I talk
the manager into rebooting the computer."
=============================================
HARD HOUSE TO SELL
It was a beautiful home. Paul, a real estate agent was
showing the house to an older couple. who he felt would
appreciate it. Fluffy white carpet throughout, a massive
fireplace, perfect for a childless couple.
For some reason, every time Paul showed the house,
something happened. The last time, a step going up
to the porch, had broken in half, sending an older
lady bouncing on her fanny.
He opened the door, stepped back to allow the couple
to enter, and that's when his sale went bad. Two racoons
went flying past the couple. They were black as ink. As
they hurtled towards freedom, they left tiny paw prints.
They no sooner went out, when a neighbours two large
hounds chased the racoons back in. This was great fun.
At least for the dogs. It didn't take long to figure out the
animals had fallen down the chimney, dislodging a
mountain of soot. They had been busy, the entire
house, with the white carpet, had been painted with
soot.
The hounds were braying, the couple shouting at the
dogs, Paul was watching his sale go up in smoke.
The racoons tried to go back up the chimney to escape
the dogs. It only sent clouds of soot into the air, clinging
to the senior couple and the agent.
Across the street, two small boys lay under a tree,
giggling. One said to the other, "See, I told ya,
if we stuck those old racoons down the chimney,
it would scare those old people away. He added, "We
only have to do this kinda stuff, till the guy brings a
family around that has kids!"
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

Good Morning, !
Thursday, Aug 16, 2007
=========================================
History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte
History is the version of past events
that the winners have decided to agree upon.
--- Dwight D Eisenhower
=========================================
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
and love him little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and
not try to understand her at all.
=========================================
A swimming instructor at a Los Angeles
university was quizzing a group of students on
Red Cross life saving and water safety
techniques.
They answered all of her questions easily until
she posed this one:
"Which article of clothing would you remove
last if you fell from a boat or dock fully
clothed?"
Everyone mentioned something different. It
was evident that no one knew the correct
answer, so the instructor helped out.
"The blouse," she said, "because the air gets
under the blouse and acts like a buoy!"
The subsequent uproar ended the class.

=========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
=========================================

With the help of a fertility specialist,
a 65 year old woman has a baby. All
her relatives come to visit and meet
the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65
year old mother says
"not yet."
A little later they ask again to see the baby.
Again the mother says "not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
=============================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=============================================
A man and a woman are driving down the highway
when another car passes them. The woman notices
that the occupants of the other car are young and
obviously in love. The girl is sitting very close to her
boyfriend as they cruise on down the highway.
This causes the woman to think back when she and
her husband were young and in love, and wondering
where the show of affection had disappeared to
over the years.
Finally she says to her husband, "Remember when
we used to be like that young couple? Where did
the love go, honey?"
Her question was met with a few moments of silence.
Then, after glancing at his gnarled hands on the steering
wheel he quietly replied, "I haven't moved."
===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Juanita Marie Jones, 53 of Rochelle, Georgia
Too dopey for dope
August 14, 2007 - Rochelle, Georgia - AP
A woman was arrested after she called police to help "get
her money back" after she was unhappy with the crack cocaine
she purchased.
Juanita Marie Jones, 53, called Rochelle Police late Thursday
night after she purchased what she thought was a $20 piece
of crack cocaine, according to police reports.
She told officers she broke the rock into three pieces and
smoked one, only to discover the drugs were "fake."
She took Officer Joel Quinn and Deputy John Shedd of the
Wilcox County Sheriff's Office into her kitchen and showed
them the drugs, police said.
She was promptly arrested on charges of possession of cocaine.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0708 ... fake_drugs
===========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
===========================================
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of
the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.
A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple
operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening
about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Tuck
Re: Not getting subscription
Dear Webby,
This is the second week that i'm not getting the Humor letter.
Don't know what's going on, know you are sending them
just not getting them.
Got this one after I replyed last week, but not any since this one.
Whats going on.
Tuck
Dear Tuck
Your subscription is being sent out towards you every day.
Either you or AOL are blocking it.
You will have to talk to AOL support
Or get gmail.
Let me know if you want a referral.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 14, 2007 - West Orange New Jersey - AP
A New Jersey cat may have only eight lives left after it
survived a house fire by hiding in the couch.
Firefighters initially thought the feline, who belonged to
one of the tenants in the two-story house, had been killed
by flames and smoke Saturday night. But after putting out
the blaze and surveying the damage, they found the cat
wedged into the couch.
"To our amazement, it had survived," Fire Chief Peter
Smeraldo told The Star-Ledger of Newark. "They should
change that cat's name to Lucky."
No one was injured, and the cat's owner, who was ecstatic
to have the animal back, took the cat to stay at a relative's
house.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0708 ... t_in_couch

=============================================
The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips
are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/
Email to the Express Empress at 8empress@fire-cat.com,
and she will post it into the blog for you.
=============================================

.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comKeep Razor Blades in Matchbooks
Empty matchbooks can be used to store razor blades. Just
insert the razor blade into the bottom part of the matchbook.
The strike plate can even be used to sharpen the blade in a
pinch. Mark the matchbook so you know what's in it.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.comThriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests !
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

========================================
Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that
locket of yours?"
Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair."
Friend: "But your husband is still alive."
Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."
=============================================
RULES FOR BRAND NEW PUPS TO LEARN
I will not wake up mommy by sticking my icy cold nose
against her bottom end.
My house does not have a doorbell, therefore I will not
bark madly when I hear one on TV
I will not steal my mom's undies and dash down the
block with them while she chases me in her PJ's.
I will learn eventually that humans do not believe
my head belongs in the refrigerator, diaper pail
or that wonderful cat pan full of crunchie's
With time, I will get the idea that it is not nice in
my human's eyes to eat cat food, either from
the cat's dish or after kitty eats it
Even if my human's children laugh, I must really learn
that it is not a proper thing to do, to bite the landlord's
leg when he comes to collect the rent.
I will practice daily how to look cute and loveable
while learning how to get my own way. This is
a very important puppy rule!
Stormy O'

=============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=============================================

Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation
turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an
engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire
need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their
lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a
computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into
his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked
up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you
buy me a new computer?"

Good Morning, !
Wednesday, Aug 15, 2007
=========================================
There’s a myth that time is money. In fact, time is more
precious than money. It’s a nonrenewable resource.
Once you’ve spent it, and if you’ve spent it badly,
it’s gone forever."
— Neil Fiore
=======================================
One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending
a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her
license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that
being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors
would be locked when each session began.
Just after one class started, someone knocked on the
locked door.
The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"
The student replied, "I didn't realize how much longer it
takes to get here within the speed limit.."
=======================================
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been
feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and
comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of
water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass
of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take
the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers,
"Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"
Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier
staring at the pretty girl in front of me. Her total came to
$16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill, she waited
for change.
"Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned
the proper amount. "Have a great day!"
Now I placed my items on the counter. The tally was $32.79,
and I too gave the cashier a $100 bill.
"I'm sorry, Sir. We can't accept anything larger than a
fifty," he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy.
"But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I reasoned.
"I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Kasey G. Kazee, 24, from Huntington, W.Virginia
Sent in by Ross
Dumbest use of duct tape
A man who had his head wrapped in duct tape to conceal his
identity walked into the liquor store last Friday, police said.
Store manager Bill Steele had some duct tape of his own,
but his was wrapped around a wooden club that sent the
robber fleeing, according to a report by WSAZ-TV in
Huntington, W.Va.
Store employee Craig Miller said he chased the man to the
parking lot, tackled him and held him in a choke position
until police arrived. An unidentified customer also helped,
police said.
Kazee, a bit worse for wear after the scuffle in the parkinglot.
Kasey G. Kazee, 24, was
charged with first-degree robbery.
Kazee, in an interview with the TV
station, denied he was the bandit
who robbed the store of two rolls
of change.
Kazee pleaded not guilty Monday
in Boyd County District Court and
was ordered held under a
$250,000 cash bond.
http://www.wsaz.com
===========================================
===========================================
You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?"
asked the judge.
"Yes," answered the suspect.
"And what did you steal?"
"A dress, Your Honor," replied the subject.
"One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking
in four times!"
"Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect. "The first three times
my wife didn't like the color."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Frank
Re: IE reverting to wrong font size
Dear Webby,
Why do you state to 'stack upside down'?
Secondly,
Every time I open MS Internet Explorer I must
change the text size from small to medium. How
do I save the medium text setting to preclude
changing it daily.
Thank you
Frank
Dear Frank
1) The smarter coolers are a bit wider at the open end, so
that you can stack them inside each other. Especially for
desert or water trips, where you want to keep the dust or
the water out of your stuff, coolers are very handy suitcases.
Before you know it, you have accumulated a big pile of them.
If you stack them upside down in the off-season, dew and
dust won't accumulate in them.
2) IE will take whatever font size the program used before
it had been using, or the last program before it that had a
font change setter built in.
Just change the overall font size through Desktop, Properties,
Appearance, Settings, Advanced, DPI settings. Experiment
to find the ideal font size for your eyes and monitor distance,
without having to change the IE setting.
Chances are that the program, which had been leaving it's font
settings for IE to trip over, will now appear to have larger fonts,
but they will be easier to cope with than too small fonts in IE.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 14, 2007 - Kirkcubrightshire, UK - The Scotsman
Fiona Boyd, 40, feared she was going to be crushed to death
by the half-tonne cow after it kicked her to the ground,
then rolled on top of her.
She had been about to guide the normally placid animal and
its calf towards a shed when the cow suddenly attacked.
She believes she survived only because her horse, Kerry,
raced to the rescue and kicked the cow until it moved off her.
Yesterday, Mrs Boyd said: "I am in no doubt Kerry saved me.
If she hadn't been grazing in the same pasture, I really
believe I would have been killed. Kerry was fantastic.
She saved my life."
The drama unfolded as Mrs Boyd, a mother of two, was alone
at home on her family farm at Chapmanton, near Castle
Douglas, Kirkcudbrightshire.
She had been cooking tea in the farmhouse when she heard
the cries of a young calf in distress. When she went outside,
she saw the calf had become separated from its mother and
could not find her among the other cows in the herd.
She decided to move the calf and its mother into a shed
together, but as she approached the calf, its mother finally
heard its distressed cries and charged at Mrs Boyd,
knocking her to the ground.
As she tried to get to her feet, the cow butted her and
shouldered her again to the ground, before dropping its
full weight on top of her.
Winded and in great pain, she rolled up into a ball - fearing
she was about to be killed. As she scrambled for cover, she
saw her 15-year-old chestnut mare kicking wildly at the cow.
As the horse hit out at the cow, Mrs Boyd managed to crawl
20ft to safety under an electric fence.
Despite her ordeal Mrs Boyd escaped serious injury.
http://news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?tid ... 1280312007

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comEliminate Food Waste
Make sure to freeze leftovers if you don't think you will
be able to eat them soon. Don't buy more dairy, fruits or
vegetables than you can eat before they go bad.
When you buy meat, always have a plan for it. Return
foods to the grocery store that spoil before their
expiration date.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He
stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and
then threw away his crutches.
An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the
rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said.
"Tell me where is this man now?"
"Flat on his butt over by the holy water," said the boy.
=============================================
WITH LOVE, FROM CLEM
The campaign for mayor was going full force. There were
two men running for the position, Doug and Matt. The
final speeches were due that night. Matt, a bachelor was
ready. Doug? Well he had a wife, kids plus a dog that
was slowly turning his hair grey.
Whenever he walked into his house, he listened to a long
string of what Clem, their dog had done wrong that day.
Clem loved to chew things to bits. Nothing was safe,
furniture, the interior of the car, boots, the fishiing gear in
the garage. The dog had even developed a liking for the
bark on the young trees planted that spring.
When Doug arrived home to get dressed for the final
debate, he caught Clem polishing off on end of an oar,
plus he had chomped his way through a rubber raft. Doug
angrily informed his family that he was givng Clem away.
Meanwhile, he hurried into his best suit, dashed out to the
car, parked it, then went right on stage. He bustled around
making sure the chairs were in line. Each time he turned
his back to the people, he was puzzled to hear whistles.
His wife dragged him off the stage, ordering him to strip
his pants off. He was shocked. She never acted like this!
She yanked his trousers down, showing him the entire
seat of the pants had been chewed out, revealing some
interesting under wear. Clem again!
Doug won the election. His wife felt it was because the
people liked a man who was comfortable wearing
bright pink boxer shorts, with small angel dogs floating
on them. The family had wrapped them up as a Father's
Day gift, with love, from Clem!
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
A Texan, a Russian, and a New Yorker are sitting in a
restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but the steak
on the menu is not available, as there's a shortage."
The Texan asks, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian asks, "What's a steak?"
The New Yorker asks,
"What the bloody hell does 'excuse me' mean?"
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Tuesday, Aug 14, 2007
=========================================
A leader is a dealer in hope.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte
=======================================
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business
trip. He hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at
his hotel if there's any place to get any other type of food.
The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place
that delivers nearby. Back in his room, the businessman
orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery boy shows up at the door.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing
uncontrollably.
"What the hell did you put on this pizza?" he asks.
The deliveryman bows deeply.
"Just what you orda, sir: 'pepper only.'"
=======================================
In a small town in the Northeast, there is a rather sizable
factory that hires only married men. Concerned that the
factory might be practicing discrimination, a local woman
calls on the manager and asks him, "Why is it you limit your
employees to married men? Is it because you think women
are weak? Dumb? Cantankerous? What?"
"Not at all, ma'am," the manager replies. "It is because our
employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to
being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut
and don't pout when I yell at them."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
An aged farmer and his wife are leaning against the edge of
their pigpen when the old woman wistfully recalls that the
next week will mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggests.
"We can kill a pig."
The farmer scratches his grizzled head.
"Gee," he says, "I don't see why the pig should take the
blame for something that happened 50 years ago."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Tom Beech, 20, of Wokingham, Berkshire, UK
Public Sniveling is career limiting
August 9, 2007 - Wokingham, Berkshire, UK - Ananova
An Argos worker got sacked for criticising his bosses on a
website.
Tom Beech, 20, was so fed-up after a bad day at work so he
logged on to Facebook the social networking site and set up
I Work At Argos And Can't Wait To Leave Because It's Sh**.
But his furious bosses found out half-an-hour later and told
him to shut down his posting, which attracted just three people,
reports The Sun.
Tom was suspended from his £6.55 ($13.17) an-hour job in
Wokingham, Berkshire. A disciplinary hearing later sacked
him for gross misconduct.
Tom said: "I'm stunned they've fired me for this. I had a
really bad day and was feeling overworked and under-paid.
"My mistake was to sound off on Facebook. I wish I'd moaned
at a mate."
Tom plans to appeal and denied setting up a new group on
Facebook called Argos Has Ruined My Life.
Argos confirmed Tom was sacked after "placing inappropriate
entries on Facebook."
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2453429.html?menu=
===========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this picture. Her car ?
===========================================
The old family doctor still makes house calls. One afternoon
he is called to a house where a housewife is in terrible pain.
He goes into the bedroom to examine her.
The doctor comes out of the bedroom after only a minute and
asks her husband, "Do you have a hammer?"
The puzzled husband goes to the garage and returns with a
hammer. The doctor thanks him and goes back into the bedroom.
A minute later, he comes out and asks, "Do you have a chisel?"
The husband gets him one.
In the next 10 minutes, the doctor asks for and receives a pair of
pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request gets to
the man.
"What are you doing to my wife?"
"Not a thing," replies the doctor. "I can't get my instrument
bag open."
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Andrew
Re: Quick Shut-Down
Dear Webby,
I need a way to quickly shut down a program that frequently
locks up. I know I can shut it down by opening the task
manager, finding it in there and hitting End. But that is too
slow and klutzy.
Andrew
Dear Andrew
Find the exact name of the task in the task manager.
Let's say it is "converter"
Write a bat with a text editor:
@echo off
tskill converter
echo Converter stopped
pause
exit
Save that to C:\ and make a shortcut icon to it.
Then go into the properties of that shortcut and
assign a Hotkey, for example ALT C.
From then on, hitting ALT C or clicking that icon
will instantly end that program, no matter how badly
stuck it is.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
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Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 13, 2007 - Feldkirch, Austria - UPI
A British woman has given birth in Austria to a rare set
of identical triplets.
Doctors say identical triplets occurs in only one in 150,000
pregnancies, although many of those are not carried to
term because of the increased risk of complications, The
Times of London said Wednesday.
The three little girls -- Amy, Kim and Zoë -- were born
Monday to Mae Christina Astley at Feldkirch State Hospital
in western Austria. The father is Austrian, the newspaper said
http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-222216-280610
---------------------
Feldkirch is the town where I went to College and University,
a long time ago. The morning after the last exam, I emigrated
to North America.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comRecycling Used Paint Thinner
Put used paint thinner into a glass or metal container with
a tight fitting lid. The paint particles will sink to the bottom,
leaving you with clear paint thinner towards the top. Just
pour off the clear paint thinner and discard the paint
particles at the bottom.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Three ministers are having lunch one day and complain about
sudden infestations of bats in their churches.
"I've had those things in my loft and attic all summer,"
one says. "I've tried everything -- noise, spray, cats.
Nothing seems to scare them away."
"Yeah, me too," the second minister says. "I've got hundreds
living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place
fumigated and they won't go away."
"I had a problem with them, too," the third minister says.
"But I baptized all mine and made them members of the
church. Haven't seen one back since."
=============================================
NEW BREEDS OF DOGS
Another dog lover sent these giggles to me, I have to
share them!
PEKINGESE & LHASO APSO = Peekasso, an abstract
dog
COLLIE & MALAMUTE = Commute, a dog that travels to work
DEERHOUND & TERRIER = Derriere, a dog that's
true to the end
BLOODHOUND & LABRADOR = Blabrador, a dog that
barks incessantly
BLOODHOUND & BORZOI = Bloody Bore, a dog that's
not very much fun
SPITZ & CHOW CHOW = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws
up a lot
POINTER & SETTER = Poinsetter, a very traditional
Christmas gift
COLLIE & LHASO APSO = Collapso, a dog that folds
up nicely for transport
BULLDOG & SHIH TZU = Bullshitz
PEKINGESE & DACHSHUND = the Peking Dach,
generally owned by Chinese restaurants
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
A dad picks his boy up at school to take him to a dental
appointment.
"Well, son," the father asks, "what happened at school today?"
"Dad, I got a part in the school play. I play a man who's
been married for 20 years."
"That's great, son," the proud father says. "Keep up the
good work and before you know it, they'll be giving you
a speaking part."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Monday, Aug 13, 2007
=========================================
No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.
--- Bertrand Russell
=======================================
A man is away on a business trip for a few days, and when
he returns, his wife tells him that the dog really missed him.
"She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return,"
she says.
"What an example of true love," her husband replies.
"I wonder if you would be that concerned about me?"
"Honey," she answers, "if you were gone overnight, and I
didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting
for you at the front door."
=======================================
There are doctors and there are doctors. That's a lesson a
young woman at a barbecue learns when she introduces
herself to another guest.
She had heard him addressed as 'doctor,' so she says,
"Doctor, may I ask a question?"
"Certainly," he says.
"Well, I have been having a funny pain right here, above
the heart."
The guest interrupts her, "I'm terribly sorry, but the truth is,
I'm a doctor of philosophy."
"Oh," says the young woman, "I'm sorry."
Embarrassed, she turns away, but curiosity gets the better
of her. "Just one more question, Doctor," she says.
"What kind of disease is philosophy?"
======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A well-off young man is moving from apartment to another
a few streets away.
Observing with dismay the carefree way in which the moving
crew yanks his cherished antiques about, he decides he'll
carry a tall grandfather's clock, which he prizes highly.
Taking the clock in his arms he starts for the new house.
But the clock is as tall as its owner and heavy, so he has
to put it down every few feet to rest his arms and mop his
brow. Then he clutches the clock again and staggers on.
He's nearly at the new house when a drunk, who's been
watching the fellow struggle, calls out to him.
"Mischter," he says thickly, "can I ash you a quest'n?"
"What is it?" the exhausted young man says.
"Why the heck don shou carry a watch?"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 21 year old woman in Seattle, WA
Bimbo Malfunction
August 11, 2007 - Seattle, Washington - AP
A woman attacked a karaoke singer belting out Coldplay on
Thursday night, telling him he “sucked” before she pushed
and punched him to get him to stop singing, bar staff said.
The man was singing “Yellow” when it happened.
“It took three or four of us to hold her down,” bartender
Robert Willmette said.
When she was escorted outside, the 21-year-old woman
“went crazy,” Willmette said, throwing punches at him and
others, including an off-duty police officer.
Patrol officers and detectives then arrived at the
neighborhood bar and blocked off the street, which inflamed
the woman’s rage even more, a police report said. Before
police could handcuff the woman, she headbutted the
off-duty officer at least twice.
The off-duty officer was treated for cuts, scrapes and bruises.
After treatment for injuries, the woman was booked into the
King County jail for investigation of assault. She was also
held on a warrant issued for a previous theft charge.
According to bartender notes, she had only a single shot of
Jagermeister.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 25-ap.html
===========================================
===========================================
A young fellow just out of medical school moves out to
a small community to replace a doctor who is retiring.
The older gent suggests the young one accompany him
on his rounds so the community can become used to
a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little
sick to my stomach."
"Well," says the older doctor, "you've probably been
overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount
you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they leave the younger man says, "You didn't even
examine that woman. How did you come to your diagnosis
so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope
on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I
noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was
what was probably making her sick."
"Huh," the younger doctor says, "Pretty clever. I'll have to
remember that."
Arriving at the next house, they spend several minutes
talking with a young woman. She complains that she just
doesn't have the energy she once did.
"I'm feeling terribly run down lately," she says.
"You've probably been doing too much work for the church,"
the younger doctor tells her. "Perhaps you should cut back
a bit and see if that helps."
As they leave, the older man says, "Your diagnosis is almost
certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"
"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope.
When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under
the bed."
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Irene
Re: Wallpaper
Dear Webby,
that picture is gorgeous! I saved it as wallpaper immediately
and it looks great. Why would I need a different version for
my monitor?
Irene
Dear Irene
To make the pictures look OK on as many different mail readers
as possible, I shrink them down to 550 pixels wide.
If you have your monitor set to 2000 x 1500, the wallpaper
stretches those 550 pixels to 2000. It still looks OK, but
quite flat and washed out when compared to all 2000 original
pixels showing. When the wallpaper stretches a picture, it
simply fills the mising 1450 pixels with the same colors as
the nearest ones, instead of the original ones.
2000 x 1500 are 3 Million pixels
550 x 375 are 206,250 pixels, less than a quarter Million.
So, by stretching, you get 1 / 12th of the original pixels,
and have 11 / 12th of them filled in with bland approximations.
It is well worth it to use an original sized for your monitor.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 11, 2007 - North Wales, UK - Ananova
A golf-mad family scored a hat-trick of holes-in-one in
three days - beating odds of 15 million-to-one.
Mum Gill Mackenzie, 45, who has a 27 handicap, got the ball
rolling with a perfect 116-yard pitch that flew straight into the 9th.
Just 24 hours later husband Ray aced a 115-yard tee shot on
the 11th green.
Then son Sam, 14, who shares a 16 handicap with his dad,
repeated the feat at the 11th hole of the Llanfairfechan
Golf Club near the family's home in North Wales.
A spokesman for William Hill said the odds of such a hat-trick
were "between 10 and 15 million to one".
Ray, 47, who took up golf three years ago, said: "The tremendous
thing is that Sam had bought a pack of balls for Fathers' Day and
we both got the holes-in-one with balls from the pack."
Last year Dafydd Owen scored two holes-in-one in one round
at the course.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2456288.html?menu=

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comStoring Camping Coolers
Before storing your coolers between camping trips, wash,
dry completely and fill with crumpled newspapers. This will
eliminate musty odors and mildew. It also works for camper
refrigerators and iceboxes.
If the coolers are properly washed with dish soap or water
with a little bit of bleach, and then dried open in bright
sunlight for a day, they can be stacked upside down in a
shed, garage, camper or boat.
Fridges are best stored with the door open. If the fridge
is big enough for a small kid or pet to crawl in, you are
required by law to remove the door or chain it open.
Newspapers are still a good idea for hiking boots and
fishing boots and waders.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
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You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A father attends a PTA meeting where the principal explains
that the school's sex education classes are to begin soon
and urges the parents to have some basic discussions with
their kids at home first.
The father had given his older boy a "birds and bees" talk
two years before and wants to spare himself the ordeal
again. When he gets home, he calls the boy into the study
and asks him to give his younger brother the instruction he
had been given two years before.
The boy agrees and rushes off to talk with his younger brother.
"Hey, bro," he says, "want to know something?"
"What?" the younger lad asks.
"You know how a man and a woman get together when they
want to have kids?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, Dad wants me to tell you that birds and bees and
flowers do the same thing."
=============================================
NO SALE TODAY
Don was at the lake training his Golden Retriever to
fetch plastic ducks he had thrown into the water. Other
breeders of highly skilled retrievers were watching.
They thought his sweet natured dog was a joke. Telling
him to get a "real dog" they continued bating him. Don
had two of his Golden's puppies. They sat on the bank
watching the entire process with great interest.
Once at home, Don had to admit, he really didn't
have a bird dog. He had a lovely dog, and two very
nice puppies. Some of the men from the lake dropped
in to visit, bring their "trained "dogs along.
They began a game of fetch with the dogs. Don's dog
went every time to get the stick. The other dogs acted
bored.
The tables turned, when the two puppies came through
the hedge from the yard next door. Each of them
struggled with their prize. They both had stolen plastic
birds from the garden, that were put out for decoration.
The trained dogs looked with interest at the puppies.
The pups proudly trotted over to Don, dropping the
things at his feet. Don had the last laugh. When one
of the men asked how much he wanted to sell the pups
for, Don just grinned, he was keeping his highly skilled
dogs all to himself. No sale today boys!
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
A little boy comes home from the playground with a bloody
nose, a black eye and torn clothing. It is obvious he was in
a bad fight and he lost.
While his father is patching him up, he asks his son what
happened.
"Well, Dad," says the boy, "I challenged a kid at school to
a duel, and I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," says the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"
========================================

========================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or
at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can
correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from
then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend,
but don't have time to subscribe her or him,
just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY.
or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day,
and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a
one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift
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UNSUBSCRIBE from the Text versionGive a free gift subscription to a friend!

Good Morning, !
Sunday, Aug 12, 2007
=========================================
Our real problem is not our strength today; it is rather the
vital necessity of action today to ensure our strength tomorrow."
--- Calvin Coolidge
If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.
--- Professor Irwin Corey
=======================================
Thanks to Dianne for this story:
Two Mexicans are riding along Pacific Coast Highway on a
motorcycle. They break down and start hitching a lift. A
friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Mexicans
ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in as he is
carrying 20,000 bowling balls.
The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage to
fit in the back with their bike will he take them and he agrees.
They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike
into the back of the trailer, so the driver shuts the doors
and gets on his way. By this time he is really late and so
puts his foot down.
Sure enough the Highway Patrol pulls him over for speeding.
The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which
he replies jokingly-- "Mexican eggs".
The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to
take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it
and locks it. He gets on his radio and calls for immediate
backup from as many officers as possible.
The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires
so many officers.
"I've got a Tractor-trailer here with 20,000 Mexican eggs
in it - 2 have hatched and they have already managed to
steal a motorcycle.
=======================================
A woman loses both ears in an accident. A plastic surgeon
she consults tells her that ear transplants are still in the
testing stage, but he will do what he can.
The woman undergoes the operation, and after a time
she returns to the surgeon's office to have the bandages
removed and the stitches taken out. After examining her,
the doctor tells her everything seems to have gone well,
and she seems pleased with his work.
The next day, however, she calls the plastic surgeon in
a rage. "You know what you did?" she screams.
"You gave me a man's ears."
"Well," says the surgeon, "an ear is an ear. What's wrong?
Can't you hear?"
"I hear everything," she says.
"The problem is I don't understand anything I'm told."
======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Since this is their first party and the wife hasn't done much
cooking, the husband suggests they order out for Chinese
food and she could bake a cake for dessert. She agrees,
but on Friday afternoon, the wife calls her husband in tears.
"The only recipe I can find is for a cake that will feed four,"
she says.
"Why don't you just double the recipe?" her husband asks.
Just before quitting time the husband gets another call from
her, and this time she is frantic.
"I just can't do it," she says. "It's impossible."
"Now, now, what's the matter?"
"Well, I doubled everything, just like you said," she tells him,
"and it's ready to go in the oven."
"Then what's the problem?" he asks.
The wife sobs. "The book says that the cake must be baked
at 350 degrees. I've checked the oven and it doesn't go up to
700 degrees!"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Krystian Bala, Warsaw, poland
Confession, or publicity stunt?
August 11, 2007 - Warsaw, Poland - CNews
The media call it the "Murder, He Wrote" trial and it is
captivating Polish society in a long hot summer. The
case concerns an esteemed author on trial for a murder
which provided the plot for one of his novels.
Prosecutors claim Krystian Bala killed a friend of his
ex-wife and then used details of the crime for his best-seller,
Amok. They say descriptions of the ropes used to bind his
victim, the torture he suffered before death and the manner
in which his life ended were retold in a thriller.
Compounding his guilt, claim the prosecution, was the fact
that Bala even sent a copy of the novel to the attorney general
in Warsaw, as if he was taunting the authorities to arrest him.
Ultimately, they did and now he could face up to 25 years in jail
if found guilty of murdering Darius Jerzesky.
Chief Inspector Jack Wroblewski says he received an anonymous
call five years after the body was found in December 2000,
"telling me to read Amok, which was published in 2003."
Mr Wroblewski read the novel - a tale of how a group of
intellectuals delve into sex, drugs and torture - and believed
similarities between fact and "fiction" were striking.
"The book contains intimate details of the killing that only
the killer could have known," added the inspector.
Bala claims he has been framed to cover up for a "bungled"
police investigation, and says he was tortured by his captors
during a day of interrogation.
http://news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?tid ... 1255972007
===========================================
Thanks to my dad for sending me this picture:
This one bloomed today: Microcarpa-boolii
If you want this picture for your wallpaper collection, tell
me what resolution you have. I prepared them for
800x600, 1024x768, 1200x900, 1600x1200 and 2000x1500.
--------------------
Re yesterday's picture, Jay wrote me:
Sunset at Nikumaroro. Photo by John Clauss.
Nikumaroro island is part of the Gilbert Islands where
Amelia Earhart supposedly crashed.
===========================================
Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation
drifts from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook last Christmas," says the first, "but I could
never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the second.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way,
'Take a clean dish and ...'"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rick
Re: Mars next spring
Dear Webby,
"It will be close again next spring, "
Sorry, that's not right. It will be closest Christmas Eve, 2007!
But you'll need about 120 power to make it as big as a full moon
as it will be only 15" of arc across when closest and the moon is
about half a degree in diameter. Your one eye on each trick works
well that night as Mars will be just to the right of the full moon!
By spring it will again be too far for good telescope viewing.
Mars comes around about every 2 years and 1 month so next
time will be January 29, 2010, then March 3, 2012, and finally
April 8, 2014 when it will first be closest in spring. These dates
are using Universal Time (used to be GMT) since your readers
are around the world.
Thanks for mentioning the big as a full moon crap going around.
Rick
Dear Rick
Sorry about that!
I'm not a professional astronomer and just took a rough guess
based on the fact that Mars currently is on the far side of sun.
Currently I am more interested in the Perseids Meteor shower.
I'm sure Rick knows all about it, but for the rest of you:
Peak will be tonight, Sunday, at 11 PM Pacific, Midnight Central
and 2 AM Monday Eastern time. However, don't get hung up on
that precise time! It's just that at the peak the shooting stars will
be the most frequent, 3 - 4 per minute if you are in the mountains,
1 - 2 per minute if you are in town. Right now, as I am writing
this on the laptop out on the deck, they are about 5 minutes apart.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 11, 2007 - Wales, UK - CNews
Red-haired people are to be offered free entry to a festival
celebrating all things ginger.
The National Botanic Garden of Wales claims the event on
26 August will be the country's first "Ginger Family Festival".
The day will celebrate the opening of the Tropical House at
the tourist attraction in Carmarthenshire, which features
many exotic examples of the plant family Zingiberaceae,
also known as the ginger family.
Wearers of comedy ginger wigs will not qualify for free entry.
http://news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?tid ... 1253732007

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCleaning With Hydrogen Peroxide
Hydrogen Peroxide is effective for blood stains and other
organic stains. It can have a bleaching effect so you will
want to pretest it before applying it to any stain. For blood
stains on carpet, pour peroxide directly on the stain and
blot with clean cloth.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A salesman of many years is tired of his job and gives it up
to become a policeman. One day, while he's walking his beat,
he meets an old friend who asks him how he likes his new work.
"Well," says the salesman-turned-cop, "the pay is good and
the hours aren't bad. But what I like best is that the customer
is always wrong."
=============================================
PRETTY IN PINK
In a divorced family, the kids spend part time with each
parent. In this case, a 7 year old girl went to spend the
summer with her dad, who worked in a motorcycle
repair shop.
He had a large, tough looking dog that was used as the
night guard dog. The man's little girl fell in love with the
big brute, who really was a teddy bear with people.
She implored her dad to please let the dog stay at the
house to play with her. He agreed. If he had only known
what she was teaching his dog to do, he would have
put a stop to it on the spot.
The girl and the dog often walked down town to meet
her dad for lunch. He never thought anything of it.
The time came for the child to return home to her mom.
The dog went back to his night time duty, but he had
become used to going to meet his owner for lunch.
To the extreme embarrassment of his owner, the first
day the dog showed up at noon, caused the men to
almost roll on the floor in hilarity.
Down the street thundered the huge dog. Looking every
inch a dog to be reckoned with, except for one thing.
In his mouth he packed a dainty, pink purse.
It swung to and fro prettily as he lumbered along.
He had done this every day with his little person. To the
huge delight of the men, he refused to give up his
possession. He had no idea that each day he provide the
town with a good laugh. He was a guard dog, he did his duty,
even if it included making his owner look a wee bit foolish.
As the men said, the dog had the right to look "stylish!"
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
Two sweet young ladies are driving through Louisiana. When
they reach the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing
about the pronunciation of the name. They argue back and
forth until they stop for lunch.
As they stand at the counter, one asks the manager,
"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please tell us where we are? We're having trouble
deciding how to pronounce it."
The Asian looking manager leans over the counter and says,
"Goodness Gwacious Mee, you ah at Belga Kink."
(Burger King)
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Saturday, Aug 11, 2007
=========================================
A good friend is a connection to life -
a tie to the past, a road to the future,
the key to sanity in a totally insane world.
--- Lois Wyse
=======================================
My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian
at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's last name
was and I explained that he hadn't left his surname.
When she asked for his department, I said I didn't know.
"There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she
advised me rather curtly.
After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for
her name.
"Danielle," she said.
"And your last name?" I asked.
"Sorry," she replied, "we don't give out last names."
=======================================
That reminds me, ... At one bank that I used to deal with,
they had five ladies named Joan. Even though they had
some delightful visual differences, especially two of them,
they all sounded the same on the phone.
Me: .. can I please talk to Joan?
Receptionist: She's on vacation.
Me: Oh, OK. In that case, can I talk to Joan?
Receptionist: She's sick today.
Me: Oh, OK. In that case, can I talk to Joan?
Receptionist: She is busy with a client.
Me: Oh, OK. In that case, can I talk to Joan?
Receptionist: She's gone for an early lunch.
Me: Oh, OK. In that case, can I talk to Joan?
Receptionist: Speaking. What can Ido to help you?
Me: Can I make an appointment to talk to Joan?
Receptionist: Certainly. Will 2 PM work for you?
Me: Perfect. I'll be there.
And I hung up before she could ask me which Joan.
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Jill was in bed with a man who was not her husband and things
were heating up. All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs.
"Oh my God, your husband is home. What am I going to do?"
"Aw, just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he
ain't gonna notice you here with me."
The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful
than the thought of getting caught in bed with Jill, so he trusted
her advice.
Sure enough, Jill's husband came crawling into bed and as
he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets,
exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled, "What the heck is going on? I see six
feet at the end of the bed."
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe
me,count them again."
The husband then got out of bed, and re-counted, "One,
two, three, four... by gosh, you're right, dear!" as he stumbled
back into bed.....
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 4 Juveniles in Pasadena, MD
Messy burglars
August 9, 2007 - Pasadena, Maryland - AP
Doctors often warn of the health risks of eating junk food
but it seems the treats can be a problem for burglars, too.
Corporal Mark Shawkey, a spokesman for the Anne Arundel
County Police Department, says four teenagers broke into a
Maryland gas station early Wednesday and left a trail of
candy bar wrappers along the road.
A police dog located the teens 400 metres away.
Three boys and a girl, ages 15 and 16, were charged with
burglary and theft.
They were not named because of their ages.
Shawkey says the teens stole candy, chips and cigars from
the B-P station.
Most of the junk food was found scattered around the road
where they were apprehended.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 29-ap.html
===========================================
===========================================
A DJ was introducing a record. "This next one," he said,
"is for Charlotte Burke, who is a hundred and eleven. Hey,
Charlotte, that's a ripe old age, isn't it?" There was a
short pause and then the DJ said, "I'm sorry, I got it
wrong. This next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is
ill."
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Annette
Re: Mars on Aug 27
Dear Webby,
Watch the SKY on Aug. 27 12:30 am EDT
*Two moon on 27 August*
*27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for.............*
Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August.
It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will
cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of
earth. Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am.
It will look like the earth has 2 moons. The next time Mars may
come this close is in 2287.
Share this with your friends as
NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it again.
Annette
Dear Annette
You are going to be very disappointed on Aug 27.
That's an old AOL hoax.
Right now Mars is far away, on the other side of the sun.
Between now and mid September you won't be able to see it at all.
It will be close again next spring, however, it never has and never will
appear as big as the moon to the naked eye. To the naked eye it will
always be a twinkly star, and the difference between a normal and a
very clear night will always be bigger to the naked eye, than the
apparent size difference due to distance.
At it's closest approach, about every two years, if you look at Mars
with a 75x scope with one eye, and at the moon with the naked
other eye, they will appear about the same size.
Right now, if your sky is clear, you should be looking for falling stars.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 10, 2007 - Weelington, New Zealand - AP
A thief was convicted and fined after being spotted on
a video posted on the Web site YouTube.
The man was taped slowly circling the store, stealing a
laptop computer, slipping the computer into his overcoat
and stepping out of the store in the South Island town of
Greymouth, local media reported Friday.
The whole performance was posted on YouTube — set to
''The Pink Panther'' music track — and attracted 500,000
hits from around the globe.
One viewer recognized the man and alerted police. Dawson
Anthony Bliss, 50, was convicted of theft in Greymouth District
Court on Thursday after pleading guilty.
Judge Gary MacAskill fined Bliss $1,485 and ordered him
to pay $1,478 in reparation.
Greymouth on South Island's west coast is 234 miles south
of the capital, Wellington.
http://www.happynews.com/news/8102007/y ... -thief.htm

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comYard Sale Check List
Here is a list of items you will want to have on hand before
the day of your sale: price tags, a change box with change,
poster board and pens for sign making, beverages, shade,
tables and tarps or blankets (To cover your merchandise,
if needed.)

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Thanks to Nancy for this report:
I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning.
That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze
button so many times.
=============================================
RING AROUND THE POMERANIAN
Rawhide treats for dogs come in many different shapes
and sizes. I often bought them for my two dogs, one
a tiny Pomeranian, the other a Rottweiler. My large dog
was well trained, he was always very gentle with the
Pom who often was quite cranky with him.
I had given out new rawhide treats to the dogs, when
my neighbor came screaming to the door. "Hurry, your
bit dog is dragging the small one around by it's neck!"
Horrified I dashed outside, and sure enough, the Rottie
had my tiny Pom, but something just didn't look as if
the large dog was trying to hurt my baby Pom.
I gave him to order to drop it, he did, and we had to
laugh when we saw what was going on. My Pom had
shoved her head into a round rawhide chewy, she
looked as if she had a thick collar on. My big old
dog was trying to get it off her. The Pom was doing
her thing, snarling and snapping at him.
While it was funny, it was a lesson well learned. No
more chewy rings, keep my sassy Pomeranian
away from the big dog during treat time, and make
sure I had lots of calming tea for my poor shook up
neighbor.
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Friday, Aug 10, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!
=========================================
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew
and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
--- W. C. Fields
The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press,
is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish.
--- Robert Jackson
=======================================
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are
marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard,
"Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six
months old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you
know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million
years old when I started working here, and that was four and a
half years ago."
=======================================
A pair of congressmen met for lunch to hash out their
political differences. Ten minutes into the meal, one
angrily pounded the table. "You're lying!" he shouted.
"Of course I'm lying," the other said, "but hear me out."
======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman
who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the
bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her
skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the
first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind herself to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this
would give her enough slack to raise her leg enough in the confines
of her skirt.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to
unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the
step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg
enough to make the step.
With another little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to
unzip a little more and still unable to make the step. About this
time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up
easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,
"How dare you touch me?! I don't even know you!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree
with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured
we was friends."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to
Submitted by Chris O
Howlers
August 8, 2007 - Sheboygan, Wisconsin - AP
This isn't a man-bites-dog story, but it's close: Two women
were arrested in Sheboygan after one barked at a police dog.
Police responded at about 3:15 a.m. Saturday to a call about
a disturbance between two groups of people in Sheboygan,
according to the criminal complaint. They approached Lawanda
E. Bowman, 23, of Sheboygan, because she "was crying and
yelling out loud in a hysterical fashion." Bowman's friends told
police she had been drinking.
The officers learned there were two warrants for Bowman's
arrest in Milwaukee County. She resisted when they tried to
arrest her. As she resisted, Feliciana P. Harrell, 46, of
Milwaukee, began yelling at the officers and barking at and
agitating a K-9 dog brought in to help control the crowd.
Police later determined the warrant had expired, but Bowman
was charged Monday with disorderly conduct and resisting an
officer. Harrell was charged with obstructing an officer and
harassment of a police animal.
The charges are misdemeanors.
http://www.madison.com/wsj/home/local/i ... mp;ntpid=3
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
A daughter complained to her father about her life and how things
were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it
and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It
seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.
Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots
with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a
boil. In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the
last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without
saying a word.
The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently waited, wondering what
he was doing. In about twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He
fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs
out and placed them a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed
it in a bowl. Turning to her he asked. "Well, what do you see?"
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and
noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break
it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She smiled as she tasted its
rich aroma.
She humbly asked. "What does it mean, Dad?"
He explained that each of them had faced the same adversity, boiling
water, but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard,
and unrelenting. But after being subjected to the boiling water, it
softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer
shell had protected its liquid interior. But after sitting through
the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee
beans were unique however. After they were in the boiling water,
they had changed the water.
"Which are you," he asked his daughter.
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carol
Re: Good Spyware ?
Dear Webby,
When using Spy Bot, are there any items we should look for
that should not be deleted? Or whatever Spy Bot finds, get rid of it?
Thanks,
Carol
Dear Carol
Dear Carol
There isn't really any Spyware or Malware that needs to be
on the computer.
I just let it rip and do it's stuff.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 8, 2007 - Minneapolis, Minnesota - Gimundo
Remember Jeremy Hernandez, the 20-year-old camp counselor
whose heroic actions saved the lives of 61 children and
fellow counselors during the tragic bridge collapse in
Minneapolis last week?
It seems that amazing deeds like his don't go unnoticed —
or unrewarded.
Some accounts of Hernandez's story mentioned the sad fact
that the young man had recently dropped out of the automotive-
mechanic program at the Dunwoody School of Technology
because he couldn't afford the annual $15,000 tuition. When
alumni and staff members at Dunwoody read about Hernandez's
incredible act of bravery, they went straight to school officials,
pleading for their help.
"Universally, they said we need to do something for this guy, "
Dave Jarzyna, a Dunwoody spokesman, told the Minneapolis-
St. Paul Star Tribune. "We're going to make sure that if he wants
to come to Dunwoody, he'll have the resources to do that. "
So the school has made a generous offer: They've agreed to
give Hernandez a full scholarship for the remainder of his time
in the program.
In an email, school officials sang his praises: "Jeremy Hernandez
is a hero. His quick thinking and composure in an emergency and
commitment to the children in his care have inspired us all. "
http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/4 ... ge_Tuition

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCleaning With Washing Soda
Washing soda is sometimes confused with baking soda but
is very different. You can buy it in the laundry section as a
laundry additive. You can make an effective scouring powder
for cleaning out of washing soda and baking soda. Simply
mix 1/4 cup washing soda with 1 cup baking soda.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Listening to a young Yuppie couple argue as they waited for
their prescriptions at least helped me pass the time while I was
waiting to talk to the druggist about his computer problem.
When their meds were finally ready, they paid and walked away.
The druggist stood there and shook his head.
The little old lady ahead of me asked, "What's with them ?"
He sighed and replied, "They're incompatible. He's on Xanax
and she's on Prozac....."
"They are not getting laid enough," she replied with the
final and unarguable logic of a 90+ year old.
=============================================
COMING OF AGE
Gumboot was in constant trouble. From the moment
the ragtag dog had wandered in to stay at the farm
he had done nothing but get into trouble.
He chased the chickens, the cattle, the horses, even
the old milk cow. He stole eggs from the hens, ate part
of the farmer's gumboot, and packed the other away to
hide it in a manure pile. The boys on the farm loved the
dog, however their father said, if that dog does one more
thing wrong, I'm going to take him out to the bush, and well,
they boys knew what that meant.
The farmer loved his family, but he doted on his sweet
three year old daughter. With her bouncing curls, cute
giggle, he just melted. She was playing with her toys
when Gumboot went flying off the porch, knocking the
farmer off his feet. That does it, he yelled, that damn
dog is gone.
He went around the corner to see the dog standing
in front of his baby girl, keeping a large black bear
at bay. Gumboot was willing to give his life to save
the child. He had already been slashed on his face,
but he refused to back down. Seeing an adult, the
bear took off for the bush.
Grabbing his baby, the man rushed her to the house.
She was fine. He then picked up the dog, tenderly
seeing to his wounds. Gumboot grew up that day.
His status in the family changed. From that day on
he walked proudly beside the farmer, who treated
him with respect, even when Gumboot slipped now
and then, chasing those crazy chickens right out of
the yard.
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Thursday, Aug 9, 2007
=========================================
Delegating work works,
provided the one delegating works, too.
--- Robert Half
=======================================
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her
idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company.
He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain.
And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up,
"Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
=======================================
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests
is to annoy people who are not in them.
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's
department store. Shyly, he walked up to the woman
behind the counter and said, "Yeah... Um... I'da...
I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquired the man. "There's more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she brought his
attention to a sea of bras in every shape, size color and
material imaginable.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really
only four types of bras," informed the sales clerk.
Confused, the man asked what she meant.
The saleslady said, "As I said, 4 types: The Catholic type,
the Salvation Army type, the Presbyterian type, and the
Baptist type.
Which one do you need?"
Still confused the man asked,
"What is the difference between them?"
The lady responded plainly, "It is all really quite simple.
The Catholic type supports the masses,
the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen,
the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright,
and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Thomas Pilaar, 33, of Denver, Colorado
Book thief booked
August 5, 2007 - Denver, Colorado - AP
A library patron suspected of selling hundreds of books,
tapes and DVDs he had borrowed has cost Denver-area
libraries tens of thousands of dollars, officials said.
Thomas Pilaar, 33, was suspected of using different names
to obtain seven library cards from the Denver Public Library,
then checking out 300 items per card and selling at least
some of the items, KCNC-TV in Denver reported.
"It appears his intent was to sell 2,100 (items) from the
Denver Library collection," Denver Public Library spokeswoman
M. Celeste Jackson told the station. She estimated the losses
at about $35,000.
Arapahoe County library administrators said Pilaar obtained
three library cards and checked out 250 to 300 items.
James Larue, Douglas County's head librarian, said Pilaar
checked out more than 300 items from two county libraries
and had $11,000 worth of overdue items.
Authorities were tipped by a woman who recently bought
books through Craigslist.org and noticed the library
identification stamps.
Pilaar was jailed on an unrelated parole violation and was
being investigated for theft, said Lynn Kimbrough,
spokeswoman for the Denver prosecutor's office. He was
being held without bond.
http://apnews.excite.com/article/200708 ... NOLO0.html
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
Doug and Bill were at the racetrack.
Doug says, "You know, if you win $600 on a race,
the track tells the government."
Bill says, "Well it could be worse."
Doug replies, "What could be worse than telling the
government you won $600."
Bill sighs, "Telling your wife."
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Lisa
Re: Ad-Aware
Hi Dear Webby:
I am using Ad-Aware SE personal. They notified me they
won't be doing updates or giving help after December 0f 07.
Any reccomendation to switch to after Dec. ?
Thanks,
Lisa
Dear Lisa
I have been doing quite fine without that program and don't
see any need for it.
Just use Spybot-Search&Destroy. It will take care of any of
any nasty advertising
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 6, 2007 - Devon, Pennsylvania - Gimundo
When Molly Houlahan, 15, and her 13-year old sister Carly,
of Devon, Pa., lost their grandfather to throat cancer several
years ago, they were so shaken by his death that they
decided to take action against the horrible disease that
had killed him — by raising bees.
Since childhood, Molly and Carly had been interested in
beekeeping — their other grandparents have several hives
in their backyard. So in 2004, the two girls decided to start
keeping their own beehives and selling the honey, donating
100 percent of their profits to the American Cancer Society
to support cancer research and treatment. They christened
their unique organization “Hives for Lives.”
The sisters started small, selling jars of honey in their school
and around the neighborhood. But these days, business is
buzzing at Hives for Lives: in just three years of selling honey
and related products like lip balms and lotions, they’ve raised
more than $22,000 in donations to the American Cancer
Society.
Want to aid their cancer-curing mission? Buy a jar or two of
the Houlahan sisters’ honey from their Web site,
http://www.hivesforlives.com

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Meat
Make multiple meals with the same cut of meat. For example,
if you buy ham or roast, plan on making a large pot of soup
with the leftovers. Whole chickens can be less expensive
than chicken pieces and the bones can be used for soup
stock.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store with
him. In addition to the healthful items on the carefully prepared
shopping list, they returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies.
The man noticed the glare of his wife and said, "This box of
cookies has one-third fewer calories than usual."
"Why is that?" the mother asked.
"We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he replied.
=============================================
PRICKLY SITUATION
It was the third day of a dog trial show. The dog handlers
were getting their dogs ready to go through their paces
in the ring.
On the sidelines, excited dogs barked, waiting anxiously
for their turn. To them, it was all just great fun. No dog
was a loser, no matter how they "placed" each owner
or handler lavished great praise on the dogs for the effort
and enthusiasm they put into the day.
That's way it was such a puzzle, when a Border
Collie who had been winning every day, dashed into a
tunnel, but backed out just as fast. He was the first dog
to compete that day. His handler ordered him to go back,
into the tunnel, but the dog again backed out faster than
when he went in.
So, to the great delight of the watching crowd, the owner,
on hands and knees went into the tunnel, and she came
backing out just as fast as the dog.
Only this time something else came out. A huge porcupine.
He had crawled into the tunnel during the night, hearing the
dogs had decided to stay put.
It was too much for the crowd. There were hollers to
the judges, on how to grade the critter. The dogs were
going crazy, until some thoughtful person stuck a shovel
under the animal, took it into the nearby woods, and let
it loose.
The Border Collie went on to be the big winner of the
weekend. However every dog who went into the tunnel,
took extra time. They had ribbons to win, but more important,
they had a lot of sniffing to do where that porcupine had sat.
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
Steve considers himself fairly strong, but was dismayed that
that he couldn't even lift the 35 pound barbell in the Sporting Goods
area. He tried but just simply couldn't lift it. So he tried the
15 pound bar. He still couldn't budge it and looked quite depressed
about his own physical strength.
I have never done any weight lifting, but after spending many
years in the bush and in mines, those silly toys looked like no
problem at all. So I grabbed one and yanked it up with a good
tug, - and knocked the display over.
OOOPS!
That's when we realized they had been epoxied onto the shelves.
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Wednesday, Aug 8, 2007
=========================================
Time is the friend of the wonderful company,
the enemy of the mediocre.
— Warren Buffett
When one door closes, another opens;
but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door
that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
--- Alexander Graham Bell
=======================================
A little boy returning home from his first day at school
said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational
theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all
aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment
form which he had brought home from school and said,
"Yes, I knew all that, but how am I going to get all
that into this one little box?"
=======================================
An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching
the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying
something big under his arm. He yells out
"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says "Gonna catch some chicken."
Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chicken with
chicken wire!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old
man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with
about 30 chicken caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun
rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of
round in his hand.
Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with
duck tape!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and
to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the
unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by
carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on
the end.
Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says "It's a pussy willow."
Old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat...."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made
a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"Aw, Dad, it's okay" the son said. "The police car right
behind us did the same thing."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a blind driver in Tartu, Estonia
Blind driver
August 6, 2007 - Tallin, Estonia - Rueters
Police in the Baltic state of Estonia stopped a man who was
driving erratically at the weekend, only to find he was blind.
The 20-year-old was driving in the southern city of Tartu
early Sunday -- helped by instructions from his 16-year-old
passenger.
"At first they thought he was just drunk, but the man kept
missing the tube for the breath test, then they realized he
was blind and arrested him", Tartu Police spokeswoman
Marge Kohtla said Monday.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0708 ... a_blind_dc
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
The new preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty. One
day he decided to visit some of the church members who
hadn't been to service lately.
He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door.
When she answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!"
"No ma'am," he replied.
"I'm your new pastor, and I just stopped by to have a prayer
with you."
So she said come right on in.
He visited several more homes, and everyone thought he
was Conway Twitty. Then he came to a widow woman's
house on the end of the street.
She was taking a shower at the time, so she just wrapped
a towel around her and opened the door.
When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which
allowed the towel to fall to the floor. "Oh my God!" she
exclaimed. "It's Conway Twitty!"
And he said, "Hello, Darlin!"
===========================================
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ann
Re: Mailwasher stuck
Dear Webby
Could you tell me why Mail Washer Pro, isn't working right???
All of a sudden, I have to separate the spam myself, and the
icon doesn't blink anymore when new e mail arrives.
Yesterday, it stopped working altogether and all my mail went
into my outlook, I unchecked the boxes, send and receive e mail
on start up and, check for messages every so many minutes
Thanks
Ann
Dear Ann
I had to ask the good folks at MailWasher about that. Jeremy
told me that it seems that a power failure or crash shut it down
too quickly, before it could tuck it's marbles away and close it's
restore bin and training archive.
No panic. Click on HELP, About, and on the link to where those
files are at the bottom there. Then close MailWasher. Windows
can't delete those files while MailWasher is trying to open them.
Once MailWasher is closed, delete the "Trash.rot135" file and
the "Training" Folder. After that MailWasher will start up normally
and work fine.
Jeremy also suggested that you might be due for a free update
to the current version.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 6, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - AP
Germany's national railway wasn't about to risk sending a
trainload of soccer fans to a German Cup match without beer.
Federal police said Monday that the beer tap failed aboard
a special train carrying Bayer Leverkusen fans to Hamburg
on Saturday. The fault was discovered half an hour into the
journey.
"In order not to endanger the good mood" of the passengers,
railway officials halted the train in Wuppertal for 25 minutes
and had a replacement part delivered by taxi, a police
statement said. It added that there was no trouble among
the fans.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/08/ ... 9782.shtml

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCleaning Up After Mowing
Saving Money at Starbucks
Save money at Starbucks by ordering smaller beverages. If
you currently order a grande, try scaling back to a tall. You
can also try to make Starbucks a reward rather than a
daily habit.
It's a bit beyond me why anybody would want to pay
big money for burned dish water, no refills, and play waiter
or waitress on top of it. Must be some weird cult!
Luckily there are usually some restaurants close by, where
I can get a sandwich and a decent coffee, with free refills,
served to me for what a weird "coffee" costs at Starbucks.
DearWebby

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he
had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock
would give him a heart attack.
So the minister went to the man's house and said,
"Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?"
And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half
of it to the church."
At which the pastor fell over dead.
=============================================
RULES FOR DOGS
Following is a list of things dogs can do to drive their
owners crazy.
Learn to open the cupboard, grab a can of pop, bite
it then run when it explodes. Mom gets to clean up the
mess.
Snoop through the laundry basket, bring out her undies
to share with her guests at a dinner party.
Bride is getting ready for her big day. Steal her veil then
play catch me with a pack of screaming women.
Play dumb. When company comes and mom wants
you to show off all the tricks you learned, don't do em'.
Wait until everyone has left, then go through the entire
routine. Drives the family nuts.
Make sure you use their lap to soak up the water after
you have had a nice long drink.
Beg. Use your eyes, drool, cry a little, act starved, put a
paw on their knee, shiver and shake. If you keep at it
long enough they will give you a bit of whatever they
are eating. Start over.
Get along with the cat while the family is home. When
they leave, chase the heck out of it, making sure the
house is a mess when they get back. Be in your
bed, faking sleep. Hopefully the cat will be blamed.
Most importantly. Eat something horrid, then wash
their faces. Remember to show them lots of doggie
affection so they readily forgive you for the above
actions. Start thinking of new ways to drive them
batty!
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
There was a very wealthy 70 year-old man who had just
married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady.
One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get
that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?"
The man leaned over and whispered to his friend,
"It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart
problems, and she instantly fell in love with me."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Tuesday, Aug 7, 2007
=========================================
Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who
has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
--- Sidney J. Harris
=======================================
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new
CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all
slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning
on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is
his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO, walks up the guy and asks,
"And how much money do you make a week?"
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies,
"I make $200.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams,
"Here's a week's pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first cleansing of a slacker,
the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone
want to tell me what that slacker was doing here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters,
"Delivering pizza."
=======================================
At a cocktail party, a man got totally plastered, went
up to the host and, in a slurred voice, asked, "Scuse me,
but do lemons have feathers?"
"I beg your pardon?" replied the host.
The drunk asked again, "Do lemons have feathers?" as
he struggled to hold his balance.
A rather bemused host responded, "No, I don't think so."
The drunk sheepish said, "Oopssss."
"What?" asked the host.
"I think I've just squeezed your canary into my drink...."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the
water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was
dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at
him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's
kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?"
Gramma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma"
exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ole' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ole' alligator, Johnny. He's been
there for many years now, and he's never hurt no one.
Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me
as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Douglas Powell, 40, and Timmy Belding, 35 in
Portland, Oregon
Candid Web Camera
July 3, 2007 - Portland, Oregon - IBS
Police are asking for help in finding a suspect in a burglary
that was caught on camera at a southeast Portland home.
Police said a Web camera captured a portion of the burglary
at the home May 16.
David Shaffer, 46, who lives at the home, gave the Webcam
video to police, and officers said they were able to identify
the suspects as Douglas Powell, 40, and Timmy Belding, 35.
Shaffer called 911 to report the burglary as soon as he
returned home, according to police.
Belding has since been arrested and is being held at the
Multnomah County Jail. Powell, however, is still wanted by
police.
http://www.wsbtv.com/news/13613201/detail.html
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light,
the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic
behind her starting growing. The guy in the car directly
behind her started honking his horn continuously as Jill
continued to try getting the car to start up again.
Finally Jill gets out of her car and approaches the guy in
the car behind her.
"I can't seem to get my car started," Jill said, smiling.
"Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can
get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and lean
on your horn for you."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Daniel
Re: CD to Favorite
Dear Webby
another question. is it possible to add a song that i am
playing from a cd on my computer to " favorites " ?
thanks again,
daniel,
Dear Daniel
With some browsers you can, but you can always make a
desktop shortcut to it. It will only work when you got that
particular CD in the machine. If you want it to work at all
times, copy that song to the hard drive and THEN make
a desktop shortcut to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 6, 2007 - AP
A man who claims to be the "kissing sailor" made famous
in a 1945 Life magazine photo thwarted an apparent burglary
attempt in his home, pinning down an intruder until police
arrived.
Carl Muscarello, a retired New York City detective, said he
was in the bedroom when he heard his 67-year-old wife
scream from the kitchen.
Running to investigate, the 80-year-old retiree said he saw
a man swinging a golf club at his 36-year-old stepson. One
of the intruders ran out the front door, but Muscarello
managed to subdue the other.
"I jumped on this man's back and put a chokehold on him.
I was surprised I could do it," said Muscarello. "I had him
pinned down to the concrete by the pool floor when the police
got here. He said, 'Let me go — I'll give you plenty of money."'
Muscarello claims to be the tall, dark-haired sailor
photographed kissing a nurse in Times Square during street
celebrations of the Japanese surrender on Aug. 14, 1945.
Several men have purported to be that sailor, but the woman
Life identified in 1980 as the nurse has said she believes
Muscarello is the one she smooched.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCleaning Up After Mowing
Use a blower or broom to clean grass clippings off your
walkways and mower. Make sure to remove grass from
any drains to prevent clogging. Compost bagged clippings
instead of throwing them away or just leave them to mulch
the lawn.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by
train to a conference.
At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets
and watch as the three engineers buy only a single
ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers. "Watch
and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their
respective seats but all three engineers cram into
a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the
restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door
opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a
ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves
on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite
a clever idea.
So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy
the engineers on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket
for the return trip. To their astonishment, the
engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks
one perplexed lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers.
When they board the train the three lawyers cram into
a restroom and the three engineers cram into another
one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one
of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to
the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on
the door and says, "Ticket, please."
=============================================
A FEW GREAT QUOTES
Much has been written about the loyalty of dogs, but what
I love about them isn't their devotion to me as much as
their devotion to being alive.
Will Rogers
The censure of a dog is something no man can stand.
Christopher Morley (1890 - 1857)
As I get older, I feel myself becoming more and more of
a dog, and I feel my dog becoming more and more of
an aristocrat.
Paul Claudel ( 1868 - 1955)
No one appreciates the very special genius of your
conversation as a dog does.
Christopher Morley (1980 - 1957)
The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have
in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the
one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous,
is his dog.
Samuel Coldridge
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds. After
explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy
mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches
us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family of
seven) answered with a sad and disappointed voice,
"Thou shall not kill."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Monday, Aug 6, 2007
=========================================
Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments,
and they wander off through equation after equation, and
eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality.
--- Nikola Tesla, Modern Mechanics and Inventions, July, 1934
(Tesla was the inventor of ALL the AC motors)
=======================================
Dear Mom,
Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the
flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only two of our tents and four
sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because
we were all up on the mountain looking for Jeff when it happened. Oh
yes, please call Jeff's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write
because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps.
It was neat.
We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the
lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Hector for going on a hike alone
without telling anyone. Hector said he did tell him, but it was during
the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put
gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't
burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. Larry is
going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It
wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left.
Scoutmaster Webb said that a car that old you have to expect something
to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We
think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's
hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with
10 people in a car.
He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman
stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry,
he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching his brother Doug how to
drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there
isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out
in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and
Jeff was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the
canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the
trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby
like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets.
He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to
cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Rob
dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.
Also Bruce and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just
food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way
with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and become our
scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better
while he was doing his time.
I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy
bullets and more dynamite.
Don't worry about anything. We are fine.
Love, Dave
=======================================
If the car ad claims... It really means:
- rough condition... too bad to lie about
- parts car... beyond repair
- immaculate... recently washed
- engine quiet... if you use 90-weight oil
- needs minor overhaul... needs engine
- needs major overhaul... Phone the junkyard
- burns no oil... (it all leaks out)
- rebuilt engine... Cleaned the spark plugs.
- Drive it away... I live on a hill.
- Drive it anywhere... (within 10 miles)
- desirable classic... No one wants it.
- rare classic... No one wanted it even when it was new.
- stored 20 years... (in a farmer's field)
- ran when stored... Won't start
- my grandmother's car... First gear is worn out
- was just driven by a little old lady... At the dirt track
- good rubber.... A few years ago
- needs inspection.... Can't find a mechanic who will lie
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing.
Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other
places, but he continued to come to the choir.
The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor.
"You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said.
"If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are
going to quit too. Please do something."
So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you
should leave the choir."
"Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.
"Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing."
That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told
me that you can't preach!"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Shyvonne Weis, Pembroke Pines, Florida
Vocal Robbery
August 3, 2007 - Pembroke Pines, Florida - AP
An agitated customer was in jail after a teller thought the
Pembroke Pines woman was trying to rob the bank.
Police said Shyvonne Weis tried using the ATM at her bank
Tuesday but it didn't give her the amount she wanted. So Weis
went inside, cut in front of the line and threw paper at the teller's
glass window while demanding money.
The teller then hit the silent alarm, signaling a robbery in
progress. A police spokesman said the teller was confused and
did the right thing.
Police arrested Weis when she walked out the doors. She was
charged with grand theft.
http://www.wftv.com/irresistible/13796236/detail.html
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Cheap to run, and no speeding tickets!
===========================================
FACTS OF LIFE
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood
alcohol content.
Home is where you can say anything you like,
'cause nobody listens to you anyway.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
easier to live with.
I don't have a big ego. I'm way too cool for that.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?
Regular naps prevent old age.....
especially if you take them while driving.
If God had intended for man to use the metric system,
Jesus would have only had ten disciples!
I have learned there is little difference in husbands,
you might as well keep the first.
Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate"
in seven different languages.
I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding.
That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters."
Women should not have children after 35. Really...
35 children are enough.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
I married my wife for her looks...
but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
"No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning."
I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign:
CHECKOUT TIME IS 18."
"How come we choose from just two people for president
and 50 for Miss America?"
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom
door you're on.
On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the
wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes.
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Yahoo #1000
Re: REMOVE!
At 12:33 PM 8/5/2007, Hugh Roberts wrote:
Please remove my address from all your servers.
Dear Hugh
You don't have an account with us and I can't remove your
address from anything.
Most likely you have been fooled by some spoofs, that were
sent to you by the Yahoo Spoof&Spam server.
Can't help you there. You will have to contact Yahoo yourself.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
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Deeli's Kudos
June 19, 2007 - Glasgow, Scotland
A university cleaner has become a concert pianist after a
web cam caught him having a go on a grand piano.
Aleksander Kudajczyk put down his mop and gave a spellbinding
performance of Chopin compositions to an empty room.
Mr Kudajczyk, 28, who arrived in Britain six months ago, had
landed a job cleaning Glasgow University's law department.
He saw no need to mention the fact he had studied at one of
Poland's finest music academies, reports the Daily Mail.
But the unwitting public performance in Glasgow University
chapel so enraptured his on-line audience that he is now
playing packed venues.
Joan Keenan, a secretary in the Glasgow University chaplaincy,
said: "Aleksander is a lovely but shy lad. He works as a cleaner
but nobody knew what a talent he had.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comKeep Workshop Outlets Clean
Getting sawdust or other matter in your outlets can be
dangerous. Put child safety covers on outlets that are not
in use in your workshop. You can use a vacuum or canned
air to clean them out.
DON'T use canned air! Don't even allow it near your house!
If you HAVE to fling sawdust and stuff into your eyes and
down your cleavage, use a tire pump, either a manual or an
electric one. Those cheap 12 Volt emergency tire pumps
connected to a trickle-charger work quite fine, especially
for blowing across epoxy varnish to suck the bubbles out.
But don't let those air cans near your house if you have teens!
They "huff" the stuff to get high, and every year a bunch of
them die.
Ideal is an old canister vaccuum placed outside and in a
large plastic garbage can with a hole in the lid. The plastic
garbage can muffles the noise, and you can attach a return
hose to bring the filtered air back inside.
If you don't have a return hose, the air removed by the vacuum
is replaced by uncontrolled drafts, which might be quite
undesirable in some climates.
By the way, vaccum cleaner extension hoses cost $25 - $50
at the store. Vacuum cleaners that don't work any more, are
$2 - $5 at garage sales. You can join different model hoses
with a short piece of bicycle inner tube and a hose clamp or
a tie made from haywire.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas
in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the
station attendant.
"All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them
that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered
dump,
or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque
rustic charms for a short spell ?"
=============================================
DOGGIE DOOR TURKEY
It was a thing of beauty. A brand new doggie door put in
just for the family dog Daze. He loved it, spending the
first few days flying in and out, doing it over and over.
Then he discovered he could haul things back and forth.
Out went his food dish, in came a branch from a tree.
Out went his blanket, in came a small potted plant
from the patio.
That was boring. He went for bigger game. One of the
pillows from a bed went out, then he dragged the house
cat spitting and hissing in though the door.
A celebration was planned for visitors. The groceries
were unloaded from the car, waiting on the table to be
put away. It was too much for Daze. Somehow he dragged
a huge frozen turkey, off the table to his doggie door. But
how to get it though? It was slippery, he couldn't get a
grip, plus the dang thing just would not fit.
His family heard the noise. He was pawing, whining,
barking, pushing, tying in every doggie way to get
that blasted bird though a door designed for a small
dog. No one could help but laugh.
He was relieved of his burden, not that he wanted to
give it up. He made up for it by taking all of the
guests coats, one at a time, out through the door,
and what did he bring back in each time? The muddy
boots everyone had left on the porch.
While no one was too happy with his antics, Daze did
finally get to take some of that turkey out, only this time,
it was in his dog dish, cooked just the way a good, hard
working dog likes it! When he brought something back
in, it was his dog dish, he wanted seconds please!
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone
operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call
from a man asking the exact time.
One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him
why the regularity.
"I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every
day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to
get the exact time."
The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said.
"All this time we've been setting our clock by your whistle.
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Sunday, Aug 5, 2007
=========================================
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -
not absence of fear.
--- Mark Twain
Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do
without the necessities.
--- Frank Lloyd Wright
=======================================
An American carpenter goes to Australia and likes it so much,
he decides to stay. He finds a nice property in the suburbs of
Sydney, purchases it and then goes to the lumber company to
buy supplies.
"I needs some two by fours," he tells the clerk.
"Sorry, mate, we only have four by twos."
"Oh, that's OK," says the carpenter. "I can turn them sideways."
"Good idea," the clerk smiles back. "So, how long do you
want them?"
"Oh, for quite a while. I'm building a house."
=======================================
Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Jack says
to Betty, "Betty, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?" Betty
replies,
"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want
to ask that question..."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please..."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."
"Three? Well, when were they?" he asked.
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you
really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank
would give you a loan?
Remember, then one day the bank president himself came
over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions
asked?"
"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than
ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack
and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no
surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey
came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then
you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Betty, you should do such a thing for me, to
save my l ife. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such
a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more
moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?"
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted
to be president of the golf club and you were 47 votes short..?"
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely
evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing
wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he
insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."
Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the
druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more
than a word or two, the druggist told him,
"Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning
the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went
without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be
damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and
car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.
Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then,
about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire.
When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people
waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and
started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn
phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll
of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change,
and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands
and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still
ringing-when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash
drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a
bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the
floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up,
and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife --
she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.
Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Schnitzel Stephan in Berlin, Germany
Freeloader
August 2, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters
A Berlin court has sentenced a man known as "Schnitzel Stephan"
to 18 months in jail for cheating 64 restaurants in the past year
when he was already on probation for previous unpaid eating
binges.
The heavyset man of 160 kg (350 lb), with a thin grey beard,
would routinely order lamb chops, steak or Viennese Schnitzel
along with several beers. When the bill came, he either ran
for the door or told the waiter he had no money.
Iris Berger, a spokeswoman for the Berlin Justice Department,
said Thursday the 43-year-old unemployed truck driver had
been convicted on 64 counts of fraud. The total damage to
restaurants was 3,000 euros ($4,100).
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0708 ... y_cheat_dc
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
About five years ago the battery in my beat-up VW beetle
had died because I left the lights on overnight . I was in a
hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get
my wife to give me a hand to start the car.
I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric
oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough
to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an
automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least
30 MPH for it to start. She said fine, hoped into
her car and drove off.
I sat there fuming wondering what can she be doing. A minute
passed by and when I saw her in the rearview mirror coming
at me at about 40 MPH,
I realized that I should have been a bit more specific with
my directions.
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Irene
Re: Need a filter for....
Dear Webby
I get a ton of spam to a lot of my business addresses with
the actual spam in pdf files and pictures. You probably know
the crap. Subject lines are about 50 different ones from
Att to Urgent. I don't really want to slow the filtering down
making it look for all those different subjects. You probably
have found out what they all have in common and made a
filter for that. Can you please share it?
Thanks
Irene
Dear Irene
Here is what I use for that crap:
If the Body contains "----------bound--" then automatically
(without warning or notification) add the sender to the blacklist,
and delete the message. This filter takes priority over the
friends list.
Have not seen any of that type since I put that filter in.
Until you are sure that none of your friends use a mailer that
sends stuff in the same fashion, use this as the filter:
If the Body contains "----------bound--" then mark the sender
for blacklisting, and mark the message as mail to be deleted.
This filter takes priority over the friends list.
Instead of dumping it unseen, that version only marks it for
deletion, and gives you the option to verify it, and also the
option to click a report to the Spamcop. It's a good idea to
do that a few times a day, to keep the pressure on RoadRunner,
to start doing something about their clients sending more
spam than all of China and Russia together.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 3, 2007 - Canberra, Australia - AP
A 94-year-old great-great-grandmother who left school at the
age of 12 appears to be the world's oldest recipient of a
master's degree, an official with Guinness World Records
said Friday.
University of Adelaide graduate Phyllis Turner was awarded
her master's degree in medical science earlier this week
at a ceremony in her hometown of Adelaide, surrounded
by generations of offspring.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comNeighborhood Yard Sales
Increase traffic to your yard sale by having a neighborhood
sale. A neighborhood sale can be organized by encouraging
your neighbors to have a yard sale the same weekend as
yours.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I'm writing this
letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast. You won't know
the house when you come home. We've moved.
About your father. He has a lovely new job. He has 5,000 men under him.
He is cutting the grass at the cemetary.
There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in, but it
isn't working too good. Last week I put 14 shirts into it, pulled the
chain and I haven't seen the shirts since.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a
boy or a girl so I don't know whether you are an aunt or an uncle.
Your Uncle Dick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey at Dublin's
Brewery. Some of his workmates dived in to save him but he fought
them off bravely. We cremated his body and it took us three days
to put out the fire.
Your father didn't have much to drink at Christmas. I put a bottle of
castor oil in his pint of beer and it kept him going until New Year's
Day.
I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The
doctor put a small tube into my mouth and told me not to open it
for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.
It only rained twice last week. First for four days and then for three
days. Monday it was so windy that one of our hens laid the same
egg four times.
We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last installment
wasn't paid on your grandmother within seven days . . . UP
SHE COMES!
Your loving mother
P.S. I was going to send you $10 but I had already sealed the envelope.
=============================================
FORMER OWNER TAKES A PLUNGE
Beamer was a rescued dog. He had lived a year of his
life in the back yard of a country home. His dog house
usually sat in a pool of fetid water. He spent long hours
sitting on the roof of his house, shivering, trying to
stay dry.
His new home was a palace. He lived in his new family's
house. His bed was a huge, doggie style soft pillow.
When he did go outside and got wet, he was rubbed
dry with a fluffy warm towel.
On a cold winter day, the family went to a nearby
lake to watch the annual polar bear dip. To raise
money for a new animal shelter, hardy souls would
jump into a hole hacked out of the frozen lake, get
wet, then hurry into warm clothes. Beamer went
with his family to this outing.
No one suspected anything unusual, until Beamer
began to growl. He was watching one man in
particular, his former owner. Before anyone could
stop him, he jumped, his paws hitting the man
in his back, pushing him into the icy water.
Beamer stood watching him with a doggie grin.
If he could have talked in human words, he likely
would have said, "Now, see how it feels to be cold
and wet?"
It was Beamers day to teach a lesson, and brought
tears of laughter to his new family.
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front
pew of church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher
condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops
of their lungs, "AMEN, BROTHER!"
When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again,
"PREACH IT, REVEREND!"
And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their
feet and screamed, "RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS...AMEN!"
But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very
quiet, and one turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and
now he's meddlin'."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Saturday, Aug 4, 2007
=========================================
Don't think you're on the right road
just because it’s a well-beaten path.
--- Socratex
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally
you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty
annoying virtues.
--- Elizabeth Taylor
=======================================
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided
that was enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide).
So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules)
and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have
any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a
vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed
him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal
in 'Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up
to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the
smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry
bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me"
So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion.
The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the
procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were
from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to
go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in
a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong,
the man went home, lit a cherrybomb and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused,
placed the beer can between his legs and resumed
counting on his other hand.
=======================================
An older friend, recently returned from her home town in
North Carolina, says they've spruced up the churchyard
cemetery since her last visit several years back.
"Lots of new greenery," she said. "And families are together
now."
"Together?" I asked, puzzled. "Well, years ago they never
much worried where they buried someone because everyone
was a neighbor anyhow. They'd just dig a grave wherever it
seemed to balance things. But they've redone it so people
are with their children and grandchildren, instead of
scattered all over."
"You mean they exhumed all those people and re-buried
them?"
"Oh no," she said. "They just moved the headstones.
Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer...."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Woman to marriage counselor: "The only thing my husband and
I have in common is that we got married the same year."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Amanda Lynn Bailey, 41 of Riverview, Florida
Just a drunk
August 3, 2007 - Tampa, Florida - AP
Amanda Lynn Bailey's T-shirt said it all.
When the 41-year-old got picked up on DUI charges she was
wearing a shirt that read:
"I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings."
The T-shirt was captured in her mug shot.
Bailey, of Riverview, was arrested Tuesday and charged with
driving under the influence and driving with a canceled,
suspended or revoked license.
She posted $750 bond and was released.
She also was arrested in April on DUI charges. Police did not
capture any T-shirt messages in that mug shot.
http://www.wftv.com/irresistible/13811813/detail.html
j
Isn't it amazing what some people will do to just to get a
Bonehead Award ?
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
Schalk burst into Van's room to find Van standing on a chair
with a rope around his waist and the end of the rope around
the ceiling beam. "Hey Van, what do you think you're doing?"
said Schalk.
"I'm committing suicide," replied Van.
"Well you're going about it all wrong," said Schalk. "You're
supposed to tie the rope around your neck, not our waist."
"Man, but I tried that yesterday and I nearly choked."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Healy
Re: Pictures from camera
Dear Webby
A friend reamed me out for trasnferring pictures straight
from the camera to the computer, and claimed you had said
to never do that. Unfortunately she could not remember why
not? Does that affect the picture quality?
Healy
Dear Healy
It drains your camera batteries very quickly. The USB port
runs at 5 Volt, the camera at 6 Volt. So the camera tries
to charge up the USB port, which is regulated and backed
up by the power grid. The batteries have not got a chance,
and especially if you do some sorting and deleting, you
will drain the batteries to near flat.
A chip reader costs not much more than a set of disposable
batteries, and a lot less than rechargeable ones.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
August 3, 2007 - Chongqing City, China - Ananova
A dog swims more than 4km every day to nurse her newborn
puppies who are stranded on an island.
The dog, already a celebrity in Chongqing city, is called
Huahua by local people.
She gave birth to four pups at Shanhuba, which has become
an island in the Changjiang River due to the heavy rains this
summer. Huahua swims 1.2 km to the island every day to nurse
her four babies. Then she returns to the Changjiang River,
following the flow of the water, to swim another 1.1 km to
another part of the city to feed herself.
Each day Huahua does the whole journey twice, once in the
morning, around 7 am, and again at 7 pm, at which point
she stays with her pups on the island and returns to the city
the next morning.
Huang Pingren, a pensioner who swims to the island everyday,
says he discovered the amazing dog a few weeks ago.
"I was resting on the island, and found the unprotected litter of
dogs. Then in the evening, around 7 pm, I saw a dog swimming
to the bank and then running to the newborns."
Huang even published a story on the internet, describing the
great deeds of the dog mother, and leading to an outpouring
of enthusiasm from readers.
"Many citizens found me and said they wanted to do something,
like contribute food or money, but I told them not to, since I was
afraid too many visitors may scare the mom away."
Two days ago, the water rose again, and the mother has moved
her children to a higher point on the island, reports Chongqing
Evening News.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2445375.html?menu=

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comFixing Wallpaper Bubbles
If you have a large wallpaper bubble, cut an X in the
bubble. Peel back from the center, apply a bit of wallpaper
paste to each corner and flatten with a damp sponge.
For smaller bubbles, cut a slit in the bubble and squirt
wall a little paper adhesive into the slit then smooth out
the bubble.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
"What's the difference between the North American porcupine
and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the
zookeeper.
"The principal difference is the North American species has a
longer prick."
This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who stormed
immediately to the zoo manager's office.
The zoo manager said, "Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's
unfortunate choice of terms. What the keeper should have said
is that the North American species has a longer QUILL.
Their pricks are the same size."
=============================================
DEMOLITION DOG
"Don't let Willie have that toy he'll wreak it." It was a
familiar sound in the Pauslon's house. Willie was their
senior Welsh Corgi, Collie mix dog. From his puppy
days to now, every toy he had ever been given had been
chewed into oblivion. He liked new toys, but he loved
shredding them even more.
Christmas was a few days away. As usual the large
family bought presents for Willie. One of the invited guests,
not knowing Willie's history of his destructive antics with
toys found the perfect thing that she felt would give the
cute dog hours of amusement.
The gifts were being opened. Willie was on the rampage
among the papers and ribbons. His present was put in
front of him. He knew from experience how to rip the
wrapping off. What he unwrapped was a small tin box,
with a handle on the side.
Someone began to crank the handle, and a tune came
out of the box. Willie liked that. He opened his mouth to
snatch it, when a lid suddenly flew open, a clown popped
out to smack Willie hard on his nose.
Totally shocked, Willie stumbled backwards, making
a mad dash out of the room. He peeked cautiously
around the corner. Seeing that "thing" was still there
he galloped up the stairs to hide under the bed.
Later someone asked, 'Where's Willie?" Everyone cracked
up when he was found frantically burying the toy. He had torn
the head off the clown, bitten the can, found he couldn't shred it,
so did the next best thing. He showed his complete distain,
by placing it in a spot where he felt it belonged.
In the cat's litter box!
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
1. So Many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me.
2. God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends.
3. My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips.
4. Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience with Princes,
Seeks Frog.
5. Coffee, Chocolate, Men. . . Some Things Are Just Better Rich.
6. Don't Treat Me Any Differently than You Would the Queen.
7. If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen.
8 Dinner Is Ready When the Smoke Alarm Goes Off.
9. I'm out of Estrogen-and I Have a Gun.
10. Guys Have Feelings Too. But Like...Who Cares?
11. Next Mood Swing: 6 Minutes.
12. And Your Point Is...?
13. Warning: I Have an Attitude and I Know How to Use It.
14. Of Course I Don't Look Busy...I Did it Right the First Time.
15. Do Not Start with Me. You Will Not Win.
16. You Have the Right to Remain Silent, So Please Shut Up.
17. All Stressed out and No One to Choke.
18. I'm One of Those Bad Things That Happen to Good People.
19. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
20. Sorry If I Looked Interested. I'm Not.
21. Don't Upset Me! I'm Running out of Places to Hide the Bodies.
========================================

========================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Friday, Aug 3, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
=========================================
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing,
you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
The one that's out always looks the best.
--- Will Rogers
=======================================
Thanks to Rosie for this story:
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military
assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in
Germany with my eight siblings and me, all under the age of eleven.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped
customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in
disbelief, "Ma'am," he asked, "do all these children and this
luggage belong to you?"
"Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all mine."
The customs agent began his questions, "Ma'am, do you have any
weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?"
"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would
have used them by now."
The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase.
=======================================
Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going
to have to let one of you go."
Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."
Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."
Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age
discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."
To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white,
male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I
might be gay..."
So, to be politically correct, he fired them all.
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
One Liners:
Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words.
Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
Is it time for your medication or mine?
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Pavel Mircea, from Timisoara, Romania
Tried to sue God
A ROMANIAN murderer who tried to sue God for his troubled
life has had his lawsuit denied - as God has no known address.
Pavel Mircea, who is serving a 20-year sentence, filed a lawsuit
in the western town of Timisoara against God for "not protecting
me from the Devil".
He claimed he had concluded a contract with God at baptism,
but God had not kept his side of the bargain. "He was supposed
to protect me from all evils and instead he gave me to Satan,
who encouraged me to kill," Mircea said.
However, the public prosecutor's office in Timisoara turned down
the case, arguing that God "is not a person in the eyes of the law
and does not have a legal residence".
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
There she is, on her new commuter broom!
===========================================
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she
downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Guinn
Re: Can't restore
Hi, Webbie.
You seem to know (or can find out) a lot of answers to our
problems, out here in CyberLand. So here is MY problem:
Sometime in the past few weeks I must have clicked a
wrong key because now I cannot Restore. When I try to
Restore, the only day shown in bold numbers is the current
date and the current time. How do I get my Restore back?
I was looking at TweakUI awhile back. Could a wrong key
there cause this problem?
Thanks for any help you can give me,
Guinn
Dear Guinn
TweakUI is perfectly safe. It was actually written for
Windows 98 and has been around for about 8 years now.
For XP you should actually use XP-Powertoys, but good ol
TweakUI is OK too.
You, or some "speeder-upper" utility, must have turned off
Restore and wiped out all the old restore data. Running out
of disk space also deactivates the Restore.
Once you clear out enough space, System Restore will
reactivate automatically, but in the meantime you will have
lost all your previous restore points.
Restore also gets a bit flaky when it gets close to the limit of
the space that you allotted for it. It will start dropping old restore
points. Theoretically it is supposed to stop dumping when 50%
of the allocated space is free. Sometimes it doesn't.
If the restore point that you see is not the one made when
Restore got turned back on, go to Control Panel, System
System-Restore and manage it from there.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
July 20, 2007 - Warsaw, Poland - Reuters
Krystyna Zbyszynska, 84, became Poland's oldest parachutist
when she made her first jump with her daughter-in-law, news
channel TVN24 reported Sunday.
"I survived World War Two and wasn't afraid, so what's there
to be afraid of now?" she said after clambering out of her
jumpsuit this weekend.
"Babcia (granny) Krysia is not your ordinary gran," explained
one of her teenaged granddaughters.
"She tells me I'm not playing my music loud enough and comes
into my room and wants to dance."
Asked whether she planned another jump Zbyszynska, from
the northern city of Olsztyn, told the channel: "Yes, the day I turn 100."
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0707 ... chutist_dc

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCleaning Out The Fridge
After cleaning out your refrigerator, dampen a cloth or clean
sponge with white vinegar and wipe down the walls and
shelves in the fridge. It will both cut down odors and help
prevent mildew. A box of baking soda also helps odors.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a
lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and
showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins
with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"
=============================================
FREEDOM FIGHTER
Cindy saw her dog Jay creeping out of the basement,
heading outside. She spotted a tiny tail hanging out of
his mouth. She sighed, Jay was at it again. She had
adopted him from a shelter. Little was known about
him, except he had spent his life outside in a old shack.
Jay settled in well. He loved Cindy, her home, and his
food dish. He was a gentle soul. He had one habit that
had Cindy perplexed. Jay would go into the basement,
catch a small mouse, hold it in his mouth then go outside
into the pasture, where he would drop it. The mouse
would take off for freedom into the grass.
Jay would bounce happily back to Cindy. Not knowing
if she should praise him or not, was a problem. She
wanted the mice gone!
One day she told Jay to wait, while she examined
one of rescued mice. While he held the tiny thing
in his mouth, she used a bingo dabber to put
a tiny blue mark on the mouse, then opened the
door to let Jay out. He walked out to his usual
spot, let the mouse go, then ran around barking
happily.
The next day, she again caught Jay with his mouse.
It had a small blue dot. She was amused. Jay was
catching the same mouse over and over.
Cindy just smiled, as long as it was the same little
mouse and not its entire family, she would quietly
allow Jay to do his thing uninterrupted.
It was his work. He was a freedom fighter!
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about
their ailments.
"My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup."
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour
the coffee."
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck."
"My blood pressure pills make my dizzy."
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old."
"Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can
still drive!"
========================================

========================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or
at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can
correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from
then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend,
but don't have time to subscribe her or him,
just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY.
or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day,
and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a
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UNSUBSCRIBE from the Text versionGive a free gift subscription to a friend!

Good Morning, !
Thursday, Aug 2, 2007
======================================
A man's reach should exceed his grasp.
--- Robert Browning
=======================================
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon
full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a
Dalmatian dog.
The children started to discuss the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
"I know!" said a third...
"They use it to find the fire hydrant!"
=======================================
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of
his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what
happened.
Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old football injury that
acts up once in a while."
Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played football."
Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the
Superbowl. I put my foot through the television."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the
same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70.
They rode on the elevator together at the end of an
unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely
done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior
was fresh as a daisy.
"I don't understand," he marvelled, "how you can listen to
complaining patients from morning till night, on a day like
this, and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over?"
The older analyst replied, "So, who listens?"
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to
July 9, 2007 - Melbourne, Australia - Ananova
A Catholic school refused to enroll a five-year-old because
his surname was Hell.
St Peter Apostle School in Melbourne suggested that Max
Hell would only be admitted if he used his mother's maiden
name.
His father initially agreed. But when it came to signing the
enrolment forms Alex Hell decided to stand firm in defense
of his family's name, reports The Times.
"We're quite devastated by the whole thing," Mr. Hell, a
Catholic father of three said. "So what if I've got a name like
Hell? That's my family history and my name."
Mr. Hell, 45, who is of Austrian heritage, said his surname
meant light or bright in German. "It's 2007, not 1407 - it's not
the Dark Ages."
The Hells approached St Peter Apostle School hoping to
transfer their son from a state school, apparently because
he was being bullied over his surname.
St Peter Apostle agreed it would to receive the boy on condition
that he adopt his mother's maiden name of Wembridge.
After Mr. Hell publicly complained about the school's refusal to
enroll his son, the school later had a change of heart.
But Mr. Hell, who said he was also bullied because of his
surname when he attended a Catholic school as a child, said
he was now reluctant to consider a Catholic education for his
children.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2407697.html?menu=
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
===========================================
A young girl brings home her fiance to meet her
parents. After dinner, while the women are cleaning the
table, the father invites the fiance into the living
room. "So, what are your plans?" the father asks.
"I'm a bible scholar," he replies.
"A bible scholar," the father says, "admirable...but
what will you do to provide a nice house for my
daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will
provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father, "How will you support
children?"
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man
replies, "God will provide for us."
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the
father questions, the fiance insists that God will
provide.
Later that evening, the mother is alone with the father
and asks him "So, how did it go?"
The father says, "He has no job and no plans. But, the
good news is, he thinks I am God!"
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From:
Re:
Dear Webby . . .
First of all, thanx for offering the large type option to
those of us who are superannuated.
I go back to the days when your connections to accessories
(printers, scanners, etc.) and you had many sizes and fittings.
My Dell (surprise) has only a few ports for my accessories.
Is there a multi-plug unit available so I can keep my
connectors in one place?
Thank you
Jerry
Dear Jerry
Yes, just get a USB hub.
It's basically the USB version of your power bar for the
110V AC. It plugs into one USB port and has 4 to 8 USB
sockets. Check for example Tiger. They have them from
$12 up. You can easily glue two of them to the side of
your compter case, so that one is facing forward and one
facing back.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
July 24, 2007 - Lakewood, Colorado - Gimundo
Since 1989, Hank Robinson has been playing the same six
numbers in the Colorado lottery: 14, 17, 21, 31, 36 and 38.
On July 15, he sat down with his lottery ticket and the Sunday
paper to check the winning numbers. What he saw stunned him.
“I just sat there for about 15 minutes. Then I put on the rest of
my clothes and jumped in my van and went to King Soopers
[a supermarket in Lakewood] to make sure I had the right
numbers,” he said.
He did. The $9.2 million jackpot is Colorado’s largest Lotto
jackpot since November 2002.
The 81-year-old retired railroad engineer said he plans to
make a few changes, like buying himself a new van and h
elping his sisters and nieces and nephews. But one thing
won’t change: his lottery numbers. He already has tickets
for the next drawing.
http://cbs4denver.com/local/local_story_201160939.html

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comCarpet Installation Day
Most carpet retailers outsource the installation to independent
contractions so it's important to inspect the work closely and
not sign any paperwork after the installation until you are
satisfied. If the carpet installers will not address your
concerns, call the retailer.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml
Highly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Thanks to Martha for this one:
St Peter met a taxi driver and a minister at the Pearly Gate.
St Peter said to the taxi driver, "Tell me what you did on earth
and who you are so I can check my list".
The taxi driver told him.
St Peter returned with a silk robe and a gold staff and said,
"Enter in."
St Peter asked the next man who he was.
"I was a minister for 42 years."
"Fine" said St Peter, "let me go check my list."
He returned with a cotton robe and a wooden stick.
"Not fair" cried the minister, "that taxi driver got a silk robe and
a gold staff. How come I only get a cotton robe and a wooden
stick?"
St Peter replied, "For 42 years, when you preached, the
people slept.
When that guy driver drove, the people prayed."
=============================================
UNFORGETTABLE
It was to be the wedding of the year. The sun was shining,
the bride glowing, her groom anxiously waiting. The
bridesmaids wore lovely long ivory gowns. Everything was
perfect, but for one small item. The bride wanted her small
Yorkie dog to go down the isle with the last bridesmaid, who
would then place the tiny dog beside the bride.
The bride got one thing wrong. The girl she chose to walk
her dog down the isle, disliked dogs with a passion. She
held the tiny dog away from her body, there was no petting
or crooning to the wee thing. The Yorkie wasn't happy.
I saw her when she actually shook the pup then made it
stand on the hot pavement while she sat on a bench.
I was on my way over to rescue the dog, when the call
came for the procession to begin.
The girl snatched the dog up from the ground, causing
the poor thing to squeak in fright. I was angry. Before I
could get to her, I saw something that had me snickering.
The bridesmaid and the yorkie made it down the isle.
The puppy was placed on the bride's train, where she
curled up happily. However, the entire assembly
was laughing out loud.
When the dog hating bridesmaid sat on the bench,
it had just been painted a putrid colour of green.
All the way down the isle, all one could notice
was her well endowed green bottom, swaying
in time to the song the groom had chosen
especially for his bride, a song they loved,
"Unforgettable."
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
A old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's
hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your
wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet
behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't
respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until
she hears you."
He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner.
Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for
dinner, honey?"
Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her
and repeated the question.
Still no reply, so he moved to five feet.
Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey,
what's for dinner tonight?"
She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the
fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old fart!"
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Wednesday, Aug 1, 2007
======================================
The grand essentials to happiness in this life are
something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
--- Joseph Addison
=======================================
The boss was sympathetic when his secretary
said she needed some time off because her
husband died. Several weeks later she approached
him again, requesting more time off.
When he asked why, she said she was getting
married. In spite of himself, he said "But your
husband's only been dead about a month."
She smiled and replied, "Yeah, I know... but with the
cost of food and rent these days, I can't afford to hold a
grudge for very long."
=======================================
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed
the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get
prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants
if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here,
Captain," came the reply, "except some lawyers are still
running around, passing out business cards."
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing and his
approach speed was a little too high.
San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end,
if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway
101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Teddy Bear Scared Germans
Watch out, a teddy bear!
July 31, 2007 - Titisee-Neustadt, Germany - Ananova
German police was called out after sightings of a huge
bear found the beast was a giant stuffed teddy.
Locals in the Black Forest region in south-west Germany rang
police after they saw a brown bear in woods near the town of
Titisee-Neustadt.
Police, fearing another case like Bruno the bear that last year
rampaged around the Alpine border region between Bavaria
and Austria killing livestock, sent out a special squad to capture it.
Dieter Klipfel, spokesman for the Titisee-Neustadt police
department, said: "As they got closer to it, they realised it
was a giant stuffed animal. It had been put there by a local
archery club to use as a target."
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2442172.html?menu=
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
===========================================
A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm.
As the passengers were being bounced around by the
turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next
to her and, with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're a
man of God, can't you do something about this storm?"
To which he replied, "Lady, I'm in sales, not tech support."
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Brandt
Re: ATA and IDE
Dear Webby
Do you know if Dell is still selling computers with both
IDE and ATA hard drive sockets?
Thanks
Brandt
Dear Brandt
No, they aren't. And when their sales rep claimed they were,
she was lying. It appears that after spending a lot of money
on big "Made in China" stickers on every single component,
they had to cut corners somewhere, and the IDE socket was
eliminated. The soldering pads for it are on the motherboards,
but the actual socket is not there.
To use an IDE drive in a new Dell you will have to get a USB
hard drive enclosure, pull out the hard drive adapter and circuit
board, stick it onto the IDE hard drive and lay the drive on
the floor of the computer case. There is plenty of space in
those big boxes.
Then you mutilate one of the grills in the back a bit,
so that you can sneak a USB cable in, to plug into the USB
drive adapter. You may also ned to sneak in a cable from
the power cube that comes with some USB drive adapters,
if there is no suitable power cable left over inside. They are
really getting cheap these days.
You COULD leave the USB drive outside, and never even
open the box. But then you are adding clutter to the visible
space, and not giving the IDE drive as much cooling as it
gets on the floor inside the computer case.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudoshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAVVVMcT ... mp;search=
July 31, 2007 - Cebu,Philippines - Ananova
A video of Filipino prisoners dancing to hits like Michael
Jackson's Thriller has become an instant worldwide hit.
The video shot in a provincial jail on the central Philippine
island of Cebu show some of the 1600 inmates dancing
to the Jackson classic and has attracted more than 1.9
million views on YouTube.
The website also shows routines for Queen's hit, Radio
Gaga, and music from the hit move Sister Act, reports
News.com.au
The success of the videos, which see dozens of orange-
suited men lined up in neat rows, dancing in synchronised
fashion, has surprised the men who started the practice
as a form of physical exercise.
The dancing, held twice daily in jail, was the brainchild of
special security consultant Byron Garcia.
He said they began the dancing routines last year after he
noticed that very few of the 1600 prisoners were taking part
in the calisthenics and push-ups the jail was offering for
their exercise.
Mr. Garcia was also looking for something to instill discipline
in the prisoners who had been jailed for crimes ranging from
murder to drug trafficking.
"I thought it would be easier to communicate with them
using music," said Mr. Garcia.
"When they perfected the marching, we started the more
difficult routines,even hiring a choreographer for them,"
he said.
The Thriller dance that had become so popular actually
took a month to perfect, said choreographer Vince Rosales.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2442077.html?menu=

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Carpet Remnants
If you have carpet installed, make sure that they leave
behind some of the scrap carpet that is leftover. It's
nice to have some of the carpet around to patch holes.
You can also use it for crafts, like making cat
scratching posts.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Sitting in the bar George asked Johnny, 40,
"How come you are not married?"
Johnny: "I haven't found the right woman yet"
George: "So what are you looking for?"
Johnny: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, a good cook 'n
house keeper, - well and she's got to know how to handle
money, - a really nice and pleasant personality is a must,
- and money, she's got to have money, - and a home, a
nice big house, is what she has to have."
George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU"
Johnny: "Oh it's okay, if she is crazy"
=============================================
SOFT BOTTOM LANDING
All the floors in Andy's house were hardwood. His beloved
dogs were old. They slept on easy chairs, the couch and
Andy's bed. One night, a dog fell out of bed and fractured
a leg. Something had to be done. Andy didn't have the
money to put rug into every room.
He began a round of second hand stores and yard sales,
lugging home every sort of soft pillow, crib sized mattress,
even huge soft old teddy bears.
He surrounded each piece of furniture his dogs slept on.
His friends thought he had lost his mind, but Andy loved his
dogs more than he cared what people thought. The dogs
appreciated it. No matter if they rolled off a bed, or jumped
to the floor, they had a soft landing.
Andy's frail aunt came to visit. She had always liked the
dogs. He made up the bed for her, she and two dogs
climbed in, going right to sleep. In the middle of the night,
he heard a thump, then a cry fro the bedroom. Racing into
the room, he saw his feeble old auntie, sitting on one of the
soft teddy bears he had piled near the bed.
She was giggling like a young girl, hanging on to the bear.
"I was dreaming I was riding my old horse," she grinned.
"Next thing I know, I'm on my bottom, hanging on for dear life to
this stuffed bear." Andy helped her up. "Landing on a big
stuffed bear was so much more fun than dropping out of bed
onto a rug Andy. This was a great idea!"
She kissed his cheek, "No wonder your dogs love you so!"
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
Groan Alert!
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide
which of them to marry.
Finally he went to a marriage counselor.
When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a
great poet and the other baked delicious cakes.
"Oh," said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't
decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
======================================
BE the change you want to see in the world.
--- Mahatma Gandhi
=======================================
Thanks to Sandie for this one:
Definition of an Irish husband:
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he
will kill any man who does.
=======================================
Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to
control a wife?
A. A bachelor.
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
A man stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses
for his wife. As the clerk was putting on the finishing
touches on bouquet, another man burst through the door,
breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses. "I'm sorry," the
clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."
The desperate customer turned to the other man and begged,
"May I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" the first man asked. "Did you forget your
wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," the second man confided.
"I crashed my wife's hard drive."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a lawyer in Peking, China
Nitpicker
July 27, 2007 - Beijing, China - AP
A lawyer reportedly has sued McDonald's in China after he
was given receipts that were printed mostly in English.
The state-run newspaper Beijing Youth Daily said the lawyer
claims the use of English instead of Chinese "violates the
consumers' right to know."
Youth Daily said the lawyer wants an apology and compensation
of about 13 cents. It did not give details on any court case.
A McDonald's official is quoted as saying its receipts were
changed earlier this month, and that all its menus and ads
are now in Chinese.
http://www.wftv.com/foodnews/13769617/detail.html
What's really funny is that there are more English speakers
in China than in the US.
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
Thanks to Walter, the stone carver for this picture:
===========================================
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially
buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two
genies appear and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.
The guy makes his three wishes and the genies disappear. The next thing
the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50
beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the
house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and
the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing
there are the two genies. They drag him outside to the nearest tree,
throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead.
As the genies walk off, one genie says to the other one "Hey, I can
understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big
mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a
millionaire. But to be hung is beyond me!"
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation
Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
http://www.AFreeDish.com==================================
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Paul
Re: Typical tech support request
Paul Prae wrote:
Please stop this stuff, you people drive me crazy. I hate
advertising. I really hate forced advertising and I think the
greatest assholes on the planet are the ones who shove it
down my throat. Any company that uses SPAM will never
have my business. If I get an email that I did not want from
a company I will never use that company no matter what
the product. I will never have anything to do with your
company and I will make sure no one else does if I continue
to receive any more crap in my mail. I suggest you let your
partners know as well.
"mypostcards.com" wrote:
Hi. School mate has sent you an ecard.
See your card as often as you wish during the next 15 days.
SEEING YOUR CARD
If your email software creates links to Web pages, click on your
card's direct www address below while you are connected to the Internet:
http://75.179.62.230/?b848ca9a885b5e6291c3de8293ec696
Hi Paul
You are barking up at the wrong tree.
I know, jumping to confusions is fashionable with yahoos,
but it's not doing you any good at all.
What you got there is a spoof, a forgery.
It had been sent to you by the W32/Zhelatin.gen!eml virus in
the computer of one of YOUR friends, who has your address
in his or her Outlook Express address book.
Now, do you really expect me to hunt down all your friends and
relatives and blow up their computers, just to make sure your
gramma's and your girlfriend's computers won't send any more
spoofs to you?
Even though I can't do anything about your girlfriend's computer
sending spoofs to you, I can tell you how to recognize them.
You see that IP number?
75.179.62.230
That belongs to RoadRunner, an ISP. They got all numbers
from 75.176.0.0 - 75.191.255.255
That shows you that the spoof had been sent from a home
computer, and not from a corporate server.
Now, if you look at the header of that mail, you will see
"Outlook" or "Outlook Exprpess".
Obviously no legitimate company will use amateur software
like that for their mails.
If you want to play detective, ask RoadRunner who was using
75.179.62.230 at the time that spoof was sent. If they play
stupid, you can get the cops to force them to fork over the
name and address of the sender. Pretending to be
MyPostcards while trying to deliver a Russian virus is against
the law, ya know.
That number is where they wanted you to download the virus
from.
The ID of the sender is also shown in the header. If you
can't figger out the header, post the email, with headers
exposed, to http://spamcop.net.
To reduce the number of frivolous complaints against phone
and utility companies, you have to register before you can
post. Once you paste the header there, they will analyze it
and show you exactly where that spoof came from, and give
you a single click option to complain to the ISP of the sender.
Don't worry, they protect your address and vouch for the
legitimacy of the complaint.
So, you see, it's not Big Brother or a legitimate company
harassing a poor, innocent yahoo,
but some bimbo or bozo being too naive to run proper
virus protection.
By the way, Mypostcards does not send postcards.
They just sell postcard software.
AND, with real postcards the sender is properly identified,
never a vague unidentified "friend", "classmate", "worshipper", etc.
McAfee has a detailed description of that virus since July 4
at http://vil.nai.com/vil/content/v_142621.htm
If you want to learn more about how to recognize spoofs,
read the tutorial at http://webby.com/info/recognize-a-spoof.html
Now that you know more about spoofs than 99.99% of all yahoos,
hopefully you will educate at least some of them!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
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==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
July 2007 - Phoenix, Arizona - Gimundo
Mike Feeney counts on no one else to do his job, and he does
it totally blind.
"When you lose your sight, you have no choice," Mike Feeney
says.
Type 1 Diabetes didn't stop him from working the register
at lunch at Desert Schools Credit Union. "If I put a $20 in
(the change bag), I'll just keep my $20's folded long ways,
if I put a five in, it's folded in a triangle," Feeney says.
Mike has found innovative ways in order to live with his
disability. "I've got a talking computer, I've got a talking
calculator, my register is a voice synthesizer," Feeney says.
By lunchtime, he's got everything ready to go, and he
depends on employees like Will Robinson.
"I am somewhat his sidekick 'righthand man,' sometimes left,
we work good together," Robinson says, "half the people don't
even know he's blind, they just think he has sunglasses, some
people do wear sunglasses inside."
Fortunately he hasn't lost what he loves the most. The gift of gab.
"I love to talk, absolutely,"
Before Mike lost his sight, he used to design irrigation systems
for golf courses.
http://www.azcentral.com/12news/upfront ... 07-CR.html

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Carpet
If you are having a small area carpeted, like a bedroom,
ask the carpet retailer if they have any remnants available
for a discounted price. They usually have remnants of brand
new carpet leftover from bigger jobs.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he
wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local
sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He
then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that the sign
was gone and someone had taped a note to the sign that said.
"Your wife called, she said she did not authorize your sign."
=============================================
PAW PRINT SECURITY
"Get that blasted dog off the cement." Oh boy, I knew
Bambi, a Japanese Chin, and his owner, Nancy, a seven
year old were in trouble.
Her parents had made a sidewalk leading up to their
house from the street. The cement had been poured.
Nancy had been told to stop Bambi from leaving paw
prints in the drying cement.
"Nancy, what have you done?" I walked over to my
neighbors yard. Bambi had pranced in the wet cement.
Nancy had taken a stick and made each tiny paw print
huge. It looked as if an oversized St. Bernard had taken
a stroll down the walk. Those tracks were there to stay.
Our street had been plagued with robberies. On an
extremely hot night I sat outside on the lawn, hidden
by the branches of a spruce tree. I heard footsteps and
whispers. I realized it was two men intent on robbing
my neighbors open garage.
"Wait a second," I heard one of them say. " I'm not
going up to that house." The other man sounded
exasperated, "Why not, there's a lot of stuff we can
get, easy pickings."
"Ya, but man, look at the size of those dog tracks,
they have a dog that would rip us to shreds."
"Holy, crap, you're right! Move it, that dog could be
loose in the garage."
Bambi's enlarged paw prints had scared away the
burglars. Sometimes people will glance uneasily at
the humongous prints. I still smile when I think that a tiny
Japanese Chin, plus an inventive little girl provided
a new form of security.
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a
restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be
turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be
turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about
half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back
and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second
customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't
even have an air conditioner."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

Good Morning, !
Monday, July 30, 2007
======================================
It is the dull man who is always sure,
and the sure man who is always dull.
--- H. L. Mencken
No one really listens to anyone else,
and if you try it for a while you'll see why.
--- Mignon McLaughlin
=======================================
Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was
discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit.
Her seven-year-old daughter was watching as she held
up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," the lady said, "I must
have worn these when I was a hundred and eighty."
Her daughter looked puzzled and asked,
"How old are you now?"
=======================================
A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts
with certain basic information and asks, "How much do you weigh?"
"One-seventy," the man replies.
The nurse asks him to step on the scale and it shows that his
weight is actually 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"Five-eleven," the man answered confidently.
The nurse measures and sees that he's only 5' 8".
Then she takes his blood pressure, and it is very high.
The man says, "Of course it's high! When I came in here,
I was tall and slender. Now, suddenly I'm short and dumpy!"
======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
"I'd like the number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona,"
the young man said to the 411 operator.
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona,"
the operator said. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated a moment, then said,
"Well, most people just call me Turkey."
===========================================

===========================================
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Jozef Cene, 38, from Berlin, Germany
VERY wet road
July 20, 2007 - Wiltshire, UK - Ananova
A German policeman left a Wiltshire pub and drove straight
into a canal after mistaking it for a wet road.
Jozef Cene, 38, drove out of the car park at midnight, stopped
by the canal, indicated and plunged into the water.
Locals at the Barge Inn in Honeystreet, Wiltshire, waded in
to free Jozef from his submerged Fiat Punto, reports the Sun.
His legs were trapped in the car door by the water pressure,
but rescuers managed to haul him to safety from the
chest-high canal.
Berlin policeman Jozef was breathalysed but it proved
negative. The rental car was later winched out.
He said: "I am very embarrassed. I saw the muddy water and
thought it was tarmac. I am very grateful to the people who
helped me out."
Pipe welder Patrick Povey, 25, who jumped in to help Jozef,
said: "I was having a drink and the next thing I knew this chap
drove his car straight into the canal."
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2424911.html?menu=
===========================================

Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make
sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the
exact person you would want to be on a date with!
We would like to give you a membership to our dating site
and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit
card is required to get it!

===========================================
===========================================
An old man limped into the doctor's office and said,
"Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe,
paused and then said, "Sir, how old are you?"
"I'm 98," the man announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again.
Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just
look at you. You are almost one hundred years old,
and you're complaining that your knee hurts?
Well, what did you expect?"
The old man said, "Well, my other knee
is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!"
----------------
He should have used his cane and smacked the quack!
My father overdid it a bit with his hiking last Sunday and
tore the meniscus in his right knee. Medically it's not a
big deal, but it is very painful. If you see a soccer player
suddenly dance like a one-legged whirling dervish and then
fall down clasping his knee, that's from a torn meniscus.
The meniscus is like a rubber washer in the knee, cushioning
the joint. A sudden twisting impact can tear a little piece
of that washer partially loose and makes it press against
some nerves. A sport doctor recognizes it instantly and can
reach into the knee with a tiny little pipe and clip the torn
piece like it was a hangnail on your thumb. The pain is gone
instantly and the patient can walk as soon as the local
anethetic wears off.
That's what they did with my dad and he's hiking again.
However, if it is not promptly fixed, the limping affects
the spine and leads to all kinds of expensive complications.
===========================================
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month
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Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems
We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer!
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From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Marty
Re: Filters
Dear Webby
I tried that filter, and I am impressed!
Not a single false positive, and it caught even more spam
than I had expected.
Now, how do I make a filter to catch all the useless messages
from mcAfee, both real and spoof?
Thanks
Marty
Dear Marty
For that I made this filter:
If the Subject field contains
"Suspect e-mail detected"
OR
the From field contains
"McAfee VirusScan E-mail Scan"
then hide the message from the messages list ,
and automatically (without warning or notification) delete the message.
This filter takes priority over the friends list.
For the "OR", toggle the ALL or ANY rules to ANY.
According to the cute pie chart in the stats, this filter
currently catches and dumps 14% of the incoming mail,
unseen.
That's the way I like it. The spoof McAfee messages with
attached virus are just as useless as the real McAfee
messages.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges
100% Guarantee & Free shipping
Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners.
Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money!
http://www.Ask4Ink.com
==========================================
Deeli's Kudos
July 25, 2007 - Sydney, Australia - AP
A dog that vanished two months ago has been found 2,000 miles
from home, media reported Wednesday.
Rusty was to be flown home Thursday after being sent to a pound
in Darwin, Australia's northernmost city, and identified this week
by a microchip inserted under the skin.
''I can't believe I'll see my little fellow again,'' Shirley Lowry,
who has made several appeals in local media for her pet's
return, told Australian Associated Press.
''It just goes to show the value of having your dog micro-chipped,''
she added.
How Rusty, an 8-year-old poodle-Maltese mix, reached tropical
Darwin remains a mystery, although the condition of Rusty's
paws suggests the dog did not walk.
Rusty disappeared in May while Lowry was inside a shop in
the east coast town of Woy Woy, located 25 miles north of Sydney.
http://www.happynews.com/news/7252007/l ... s-home.htm

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.comSaving Money on Carpet
Save money on your carpet installation by removing and
disposing of the old carpet yourself. If you are also painting,
do your painting and dry wall work after removing the old
carpet. It allows you to paint all the way down to the
subflooring without fear of making a mess.

Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than
just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then
you can subscribe to it here:
ThriftyFunhttp://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldmlHighly recommended !
You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests!
Contest
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt========================================
Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach
on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the
scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time.
A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the
placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the
church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together.
The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text.
"Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was"
- he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long,
fifty wide and thirty high."
He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it
silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up at his
congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for
near fifty years, but there are some things in it that are hard
to believe."
=============================================
OLD JOE'S GOOD DEED
Old Joe set a good example. From the day he arrived at
his home as a puppy, he developed a habit that
eventually made him a small town hero.
He loved long walks through the country side, into
town, down by the river, over horse pastures, just about
anywhere his four legs would take him. Joe would chase
rabbits, dig for old bones, leap into the river plus he
was known to chase a cat or two, just to keep in practice.
On his way home, he would search, then pick up a tin
can, or a bit of foil, perhaps a used paper cup, even the
odd shoe or cast off mitten from last winter. He had a place
in the yard where he placed his daily items.
An old lady who lived down the street from Joe was tired
of picking up garbage tossed into her yard by students
going home from school. One day she banged on the door
of the house where Joe lived. "Can I borrow your dog?" she
wanted to know. After she explained, the answer was yes.
The next day, in a grade one class, in she walked with
Joe. She also had a huge bag, which she suddenly
emptied onto the floor. The kids were appalled. It was
garbage. "This," she said, "Is what this nice dog brings
home every day. One piece at a time."
"I don't think a dog should have to do this, do you?"
Solemn little faces agreed. So it was, that Joe
taught the little ones, who taught the parents, who
showed the town, that if a dog could care for the
environment, than so should they. Joe still goes for
his long walks, he hardly ever brings anything home
anymore. Somehow, I think he's okay with that!
Stormy O'
=============================================

========================================
"If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked
your father for a dollar and fifty cents, how much
money would you have?"
"One quarter." answered .
The teacher shook her head and said, "You don't know
your arithmetic, do you, ?"
sighed and replied, "You don't know my father."
========================================

========================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Give a free gift subscription to a friend!========================================
Well, , that's all for today.
have FUN !
Dear Webby

The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably
when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get
you to click. Donate by clicking!BreastCancer
SiteA free click helps to donate mammograms to women who
can not afford one.

Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....

Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.

Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.

If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.

The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.