There’s a phrase used in military and police operations that refers to the way people behave during conflicts and encounters while on duty. The phrase is called rules of engagement,which determineswhen, where and how force shall be used. In short, they’re the accepted procedures used when push comes to shove. With that said, I propose we all have similar rules in play when we’re in conflict with those we love. Let’s call these your Relationship Rules of Engagement!

For the most part, these rules go unspoken, but are very clear to all involved. For example, we all know our partner’s boundaries, and as a result, are aware of just how far we can go and how much we can push back. It’s when we break those rules and go too far that we cause the most emotional harm and threaten the very bonds that connect us to our loved ones. However, many people employ totally different rules when engaged with strangers, co-workers or those they don’t know very well. Today, I ask you to think about your Relationship Rules of Engagement and consider whether or not they’re working for you or if they could use a little tweaking.