Tag Archives: driver

I had to work this morning, so I woke up bright and early then hopped on my longboard towards the subway. I was in the bike lane where I was supposed to be when suddenly a black SUV veered into my lane, coming within a foot of hitting me. Luckily i have cat-like reflexes and I jumped off my board in time. I walked over to his hood and blocked his path, raised my middle finger, and yelled at him for almost hitting me. I noticed his Lyft tag and saw his passenger waiting to get picked up on the curb. I looked at him and asked if he was sure he wanted to get in a car with a driver that clearly can’t drive. The Lyft driver rolled down his window and said “I didn’t see you.”

I didn’t see you. No fucking shit. That’s why he almost hit me. That’s not really a valid excuse. It’s San Francisco. There are bikers, skaters, joggers, and crackheads everywhere. If he drives in the city for a living, he needs to know that. So I took a picture of his license plate to report him to Lyft. He’s getting only getting one star and a negative review from me.

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A school bus is a bus that takes students to and from school, as well as other school events like field trips and juvenile detention facilities. An American school bus is typically yellow. You don’t want to be on the short bus. The shorter your bus, the more problems you have. I think I’ve been on a school bus once or twice in my life. My mom was a teacher at my school so I always had a ride for elementary and middle school, I carpooled in high school, and I drove in college. I feel like I missed out on a part of my childhood by not taking the school bus. The school bus always seemed so amazing as depicted in movies and on TV shows like The Magic School Bus, The Simpsons, and Billy Madison. It’s a place for shenanigans and rowdiness. I like being rowdy, I like shenanigans, and the school bus seems like the best place for that. It’s a confined space, there’s an audience, there’s an angry driver, and there are no seatbelts. It’s paradise for the rambunctious.

I got off work late the other night and all I wanted to do was catch the first bus home and call it a night. I got to the bus stop, checked by bus schedule app, and knew that there would be a bus coming along within the next two minutes. Sure enough, two minutes went by and I saw my bus approaching. It came closer and closer, it started to slow down and then it kept driving right past me without stopping. The driver was going just slow enough to show the few passengers and the many empty seats through the windows. The driver wanted me to know that he wasn’t going to stop. I imagine he was watching my crestfallen face in his rearview mirror as he laughed and laughed as he drove on down the road. I felt betrayed. I felt hurt. I felt invalid. Nothing makes you feel as unwanted as when the bus drives by. You feel invisible, like a ghost, like you don’t exist. And then you get angry and flip off the bus driver and silently curse him because that’s all you can do. Then you wait for the next bus.

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There are a lot of aggressive drivers on the road these days. You see a lot of people cutting off other cars, following too closely, neglecting their turn signals, and planting the seeds for a road rage tree. There are a lot of dick moves that you can pull that will piss off other drivers. If you cut someone off or almost crash into them, you can erase the tension with a simple courtesy wave. The courtesy wave is an easy way to say sorry for being an asshole or show your appreciation for an act of kindness. That simple hand gesture can save your life, especially if you’re driving in Los Angeles. If someone lets you back out of parking spot during rush hour, you better give them a courtesy wave. The courtesy wave is not an excuse to drive like an asshole, it’s a way to let other drivers know you’re sorry for driving like one.

If you live in the city and drive, you hate people who double park. These motherfuckers stop in the middle of the road, put on their hazard lights, and make you drive into oncoming traffic to get around them. Sometimes the driver isn’t even in the fucking car. Now you don’t even know who to flip off. The weirdest thing about double parking is that it’s always somehow justified when you do it. Funny how the universe works.

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You’re waiting for your friend to pick you up because carpooling is the shit and gas is expensive. He texts you and tells you to go outside. You grab your stuff and head outside and see him pulling up. As he slows down and you grab the door handle to open it, you realize that it’s not his car and this is not your friend. You were about to get in the wrong car. And that driver thinks you’re trying to car jack him. All you can do is laugh it off and apologize. The wrong car got you again.