Ake's Pains debuted in the University of Akron Buchtelite in September of 1977. The school's reputation as an institute of higher learning has still not recovered. Ake's Pains returns after a brief 32 year hiatus. It's back, baby!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Raising Awareness About Raising Awareness

It
seems almost daily you are hearing about or seeing someone doing something to
“raise awareness” about some issue. And
today I am raising awareness about people raising awareness.

I
do not need to be made aware of any more information, thanks to the Internet. I am already aware of way too many things,
some of which I have no business knowing about.
For instance, thanks to Yahoo News I am alerted anytime Brittney Spears
butt changes size. This important news
appears instantly on my home page when I open my browser, and of course there are
photos so you can study the metamorphosis in detail. This enormous information
overload sometimes causes me to forget less important data. So I can be fully
aware that Jessica Simpson is having a difficult time fitting into her jeans
and forget more trivial matters like my wedding anniversary.

So
even though most of the causes championed by these awareness raisers are
legitimate and important, I do not want these people doing stupid stunts to try
to gain my attention. Even the act of
“raising awareness” is questionable.
Somebody does some inane act to draw attention to themselves and then
justifies it by saying “I’m doing this to raise awareness!” You can’t criticize
them without looking like a heartless bastard who doesn’t care about the good
cause they are promoting.

In addition
after a person has raised awareness, he doesn’t have to do anything else. After you have been made aware, you are
expected to give time, money or both to support the cause. When the “heavy lifting” needs to be done,
Mr. Awareness can sit back and say, “Hey, I did my part. I raised the awareness. Now it’s all up to you.”

If
you don’t believe that “raising awareness” is often misguided, here are some
examples:

-Last
month this guy decided to raise awareness for his cause by walking across the
country! Of course to walk across the
country, you have to walk along some busy highways. He only made it to Colorado (traveling east)
before a tractor trailer turned him into road kill. He did succeed in raising awareness
however. Now people are very aware you
should not walk along busy highways.

-Any
event that involves men walking or running in high-heeled shoes. Guys, I don’t care what the “cause” is. This is so wrong! Everyone is laughing at you
because you look like #!*! idiots. They
are not laughing with you, they are laughing at you. Unless your woman is providing you with hot
monkey love later that night, this is never worth it. And the chances of your wife engaging in hot
monkey love after watching you make a fool of yourself by prancing around in
women’s shoes are almost nil. So next
time you are asked to participate in this demeaning practice, write a check in
an amount large enough to make the crazy women organizers go away. It is a small price to pay to maintain your
manhood.

-Recently
Real Housewives of Miami star Adriana de Moura did a photo shoot and video to
raise awareness for a captive orca at the Miami Seaquarium. Adriana climbed into a bathtub to simulate
the tight confinement of the orca. This
is fine except Adriana is frolicking around the tub nekkid! I know that technically the orca is nekkid
also, but now suddenly my awareness has been diverted to something else.

Naked - but not that sexy.

Now when I watched the video (for blog research purposes
only), I do admit that something got raised and that I was fully aware of it.But instead of making me want to free the
orca, it made me want to jump in the bathtub with Adriana.This would of course make

de Moura - out of the tub but still wet

it more crowed and
uncomfortable for her which is the exact opposite of what she is trying to
communicate. Unfortunately my calls to Adriana about sharing a bathtub and engaging
in hot orca love have not been returned, yet.I am hoping this blog post will raise the awareness of Adriana to my
plight.

So
readers, there you have it. I have made
you aware of bogus attempts to raise your awareness. I think my work here is done!