I need you but i can not afford you. How much are you worth. How much do I save to have you in my life?

Lamentations of a sleep deprived individual.

The night terrors took a toll on my health and I have to ask my husband for help.

Just sleep you may say but imagine yourself sleeping for 4 to 5 hours WITH numerous interruption, cries in every corner of the room for more than a week then tell me how you feel.

I have to do a drastic change on everything. From food, tv down to bedtime.

Dinner is no longer by herself but mama. TV time is reduced to 30mins the whole day, iPhone/Playbook is also half hour. Bedtime is 8:00pm.

So far, it is working, night terrors is reduced to whimpers but now she is awake between 1 to 3am. Milk and some cuddles keeps her quiet. She watches the shadows on our window and listen to the sounds of the night and occassionally talks to mama. Plus she lets me attend to her brother without a sound from her.

And then the sleepless nights hit me like a ton of bricks. Headaches that almost feel like my head is splitting into two. That I cannot handle. I sent a message to my husband that I need to sleep and being a good husband, came home on his lunch break and cancel his night event and let me sleep as long as I want. But of course if you have a baby, the length of time of your rest and sleep depends solely on his tummy.

It was a scary experience and I have no plans of ever going through that again. What triggered the realization that I need help aside from the headache was that when I was carrying my son just to change his nappies, I almost dropped him because I was out of focus and out of balance.

So there you go, my babies wont grow up overnight and I will still have sleepless nights. Sleep will still be at a premium but at least now I know up to what im capable of and I definitely know how to ask for help before things gets out of hand

I used to revel in having insomnia because it would translate to longer bar hours when on a night out. I always end up the last person standing. Directing taxi cabs to each and every home of my friends.

With my first born, my love and hate relationship with sleep did not matter as she was and still is such a good natured baby. Her sleep pattern never wavered since the day we came home from the hospital until now. But of course being sick is an exemption to this. Colds would mean an all nighter. Having just her and papa off to work, mobile phone on silent, we can have a nap whenever we want it.

Nowadays, it is an entirely different matter.
Just so you know my eldest is a girl and my second is a boy. Lucky us, you say. Yes we are indeed lucky and very blessed and we are thankful every day but let me not digress, its sleep patterns that will talk about.

I have mentioned that my baby girl did not give me trouble with sleeping patterns, habits and routines but my baby boy is the exact opposite of his sister.

He is 6 months old but I really havent gotten a straight 3 hours sleep from him.

On the first two months, riding on the joy for having borne a baby boy eveything is fine and dandy. Everybody is happily adjusting to the addition to our little family. Big sister adjusted exceptionally. No signs of jealousy whatsoever. Papa started taking a more pro active role from changing diapers to giving our daughter her bath.

Third month rolled in and fatigue hit me right in the solar plexus. I got sick! And started to feel the lack of sleep and other abuse i have done to my body since day 1.

My husband went back to work after 3 weeks of coming home from the hospital and basically I am the only one taking care of our children. Ergo everytime my daughter is up during daytime, I, myself must be up too. And my son would be happily dreaming.

First cup of coffee for the day.

Naptime is still a couple of hours away.

Early afternoon and caffeine energy is almost gone, big sister is finally napping and baby boy too. Yay! Nap time for mama too.

And not even a wink later my son is awake, crying, wet and hungry.

Second cup of coffee for the day.

Play time, tummy time, a hundred or so of photos later, our eldest is up. Baby boy demands milk and a nap.

With caffeine running on my gears, lunch, playtime, snack time and dinner rush by with a blur.

Time check 8 o’clock, papa is home(if no event scheduled) children is on their jammies already. They are ready for bed. And i’m about to drop from exhaustion.

At around 10, they’re down for the count. And that would be my “me” time. A few minutes spent on tidying up, catching up on some news and the not so real news (FB anyone), touching base with my sisters and its bedtime for me.

Being too tired does not mean being asleep the moment your back hit the bed. No, it’s not. It will take a long time before all your muscles relaxes to allow you to drift off to sleep, factoring in my insomnia, it is looooonggg time.

And my window and opportunity to sleep is gone.

Baby boy is up and wants to play.

And so we will.

I exist to served my children and my husband and I will do so with all my heart. Sleep or not as long as there is coffee on my coffee jar, life is good.

Oh dear sleep – i love you! But I must do so without you for now. So long!