Thursday, October 17, 2013

I hesitated in posting this picture, thinking "what if people find it insensitive", "what if...", etc.. Then I reminded myself that this isn't the New York Post for godsakes - I don't have thousands of daily readers. Then I thought, would I censor myself if I was posting for a large audience?

This post, I decided, is a way for me to take off the kid gloves and address the reality that I live with. Why tiptoe around the truth? My parents literally killed themselves through smoking, and my brother drank until his liver shut down. Does that mean they were bad people? Absolutely not, but it also doesn't change the fact that they died from addiction, a fact that I now live with. That's just the way it is.

I am choosing not to be a victim. I am a survivor. I am not claiming to be perfect or better than my family. That's not what this is about. I look at the little me in this picture and I want him to have the happy life he deserves. I cannot change events of the past, but I do have some control over how I approach the future. Here's to positive and affirming life choices. Who's with me?

Sunday, September 15, 2013

I'm sitting here trying to think if there has ever been a time in my life more trying and downright sorrowful as the past 5-6 weeks. At the same time, despite the profound loss of my only brother, I've had the opportunity to experience the incredible kindness of friends, and witness an outpouring of love from a packed hall in Northeast Minneapolis at my brother's memorial service this past Tuesday.

My brother's ashes (in a 45 carrying case) at his memorial service

The memorial was assembled by Jay's (and my) oldest, closest friends. I was so impressed by the dedication, time, and heart that our friends put into this memorial. The service kicked off (and concluded) with the fantastic Edison High School Alumni Marching Band, who contacted me soon after Jay's passing. How perfect, I thought, for a marching band (which Jay marched with himself for many summers) to perform at this memorial. They set the proper tone for the proceeding hour.

My husband Leo and I each did a reading; Leo's was biblical, while mine
was a portion of Todd Rundgren's "Healing", a song from an album that
Jay recommended to me
earlier this year. I was feeling all poised, confident, and composed just before
approaching the mic, but it didn't take long for me to crumble into a
poor man's version of Cher at Sonny Bono's memorial.

WORDS performing at my brother's service (pic by D. Engebretson)

I choked my way
through the reading before being rescued by my WORDS bandmates, humbly launching into our first live performance in nearly 15 years (The Beatles' "In My Life" and my bro's fave song, Bread's "If"). For a few short minutes we paid tribute to a brother and best friend through music (one of the great loves of his life). At the same time I was allowed to drift into the space created by our instruments and vocal harmonies. It was a moment of bliss amidst weeks of chaos and tragedy.

Jay (also a musician) played for over 25 years with his own band Popbang!, who performed Semisonic's "Closing Time" in his remembrance (with me sitting in on bass). Finally, the marching band put a perfect blue & gold bow on the event with Edison's school song, which brought the entire room to their feet.

Our goal for the afternoon was to remember Jay by celebrating his life, which is what he would have preferred, but tears were inevitable. There was much laughter, joy, sadness, you name it. There was also a strong sense of community - something both Jay and I valued as natives of Northeast Minneapolis. Leo and I left for home that day feeling loved and supported, knowing that we helped in giving Jay a sendoff worthy of his approval.

RIP, bro. You packed a lot of living into 48 short years. I hope you know how much you are loved.

Jeff

This pic of Jay and me pretty much sums up our lifelong friendship. We thought we were hilarious.

Friday, August 23, 2013

My brother Jay passed away peacefully at 10:18 pm yesterday. The following is an edited version of an entry I posted on his CaringBridge site this morning:I met my brother Jay on March 9, 1966. From that day forward we had an inseparable bond. I remember our mom saying (in reference to women who took an interest in Jay), "Don't ever try to get between those two brothers, because you will lose".

...I plan to find reasons to celebrate Jay today. In 47.5 years Jay and I created a huge catalog of memories. The way I see it, I have the next 47.5 years to replay these memories like a great sitcom in syndication. I know Jay's soul is alive. We may have lost him in our physical sphere, but he will never leave us.

Jay, you were an incredible, protective & supportive brother, a fellow music geek & trivia nerd, a gifted humorist (nobody I knew would go so far for a joke - even if you were the only one laughing), my best bud, and a total dork. I will miss seeing and spending time with you.

You are no longer in pain from the disease that pained you for so many years. Your only pain now is that your friends have countless unflattering, yet hilarious stories about you that we will be sharing for decades to come. So sad for you, so good for us. Be at peace, bro. I love you.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

I was thinking of what title to give this blog entry when the ELO song, "I'm Alive" just popped into my head. "Sounds good to me," I thought. I AM alive, even if the members of my family can't seem to catch the same break. Case in point:

December 5, 2007: My dad passed away from lung disease.

March 31, 2011: Mom died from lung cancer.

December 18, 2012: My father-in-law passed away at home.

July 31, 2013: My brother Jay (only sibling and only remaining member of my immediate family) is brought to Urgent Care and soon admitted to ICU with end-stage liver disease.

Over the course of my life, my brother Jay has been my best friend, my partner in crime, my compadre. We grew up in the foxhole together, through our parents' struggles with chemical dependency, the awkward challenges of adolescence, the highs & lows of growing into adulthood. When Jay's marriage ended, I was with him (and his wife for that matter - she's still family) all the way, just as he was for me when I came out a few years later.

One thing that has always bonded us (almost since birth) is music. We share musical tastes and have attended countless concerts together over the years. When Jay and I talk about music, most people feel shut out -- it is a language that we have developed on our own, one that many have tried to follow but that few have fully understood. It is our passion. It's probably no surprise that both Jay and I are musicians as well.

At this point I could go on about how gut-wrenching it is to see my only sibling so critically ill and in intensive care, but today I want to focus on the positive. My podcast (the new episode of which began streaming today) for this week focuses on just some of the music that I associate with my brother Jay. I included records that we played relentlessly as kids, some bands/songs that Jay has loved in more recent years, plus a handful that, at least for me, speak to Jay's current situation and the struggles he currently faces.

For the next few weeks you can listen to my podcast for Jay HERE (<direct link).Jeff's Fancy C-60 Podcast #63 (for Jay): August 20, 2013 - TRACKLIST:

Saturday, August 03, 2013

In the past month I've rekindled an obsession with 8-track tapes. Being such an advocate of "high-end" audio (vinyl), my relationship with this archaic format baffles me as much as it does those around me. Some of you may know about the recent resurgence in the popularity of the standard audio cassette (the most popular music format for most of the 1980s). I guess I can understand the nostalgia factor with cassettes, especially with those who grew up with crates of them. Perhaps my love of the 8-track is rooted largely in nostalgia as well. There is a particular sound that is relatively unique to the 8-track; The tapes are heavy on hiss, but they also have a thick low-end to them that I find appealing. If a tape is manufactured well it can live a long and happy life. I've got some tapes from the early 70's that were probably considered high-end "audiophile" stuff in their day.

There's also the undeniable shortcomings of the 8-track format. In particular they are clunky and prone to a number of mishaps that can quickly turn them into junk. A prominent example: the sensing foil on any 8-track (which holds the two ends of the tape together) is almost certain to have lost its adhesive over the years. If not replaced, the tape eventually break apart and disappear into the tape cartridge. For 8-track pros, replacing this sensing foil is part of the ritual involved in latter-day collecting.

Yesterday's mail brought my latest eBay prize (pictured above), a vintage 70's Panasonic TNT 8-track player. The unit arrived in imperfect condition, which I considered more of a challenge than a disappointment. After carefully opening and inspecting the unit I was able to fix it, resulting in an almost euphoric sense of gratification and accomplishment, like I was protecting the extinction of this rare and exquisite species.

Who knows how long this round of 8-track obsessiveness will last. I do know that the crate digger and audio hunter in me is having a blast with these clunky, audio time capsules.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Whenever I buy an 8-track (used or new) my first task is to see if the thing even plays. If the tape does indeed play, I'll let it play out to the end of a track, making sure to pull the cartridge out of the player before the sensing foil passes over the tape head. This sensing foil is what tells your 8-track machine to switch to the next track, but more importantly it serves as the adhesive that holds the whole tape together. 8-tracks are now decades old, and over time the adhesive on the sensing foil dries up, much like the Scotch tape was once used to hold photographs onto pages of old photo albums. The purpose of locating the sensing foil on a newly acquired 8-track is to either replace or reinforce it (which I do by adhering a second piece of foil to the backside of the tape).

This may sound complicated or confusing, but it's actually very simple. The risk in not replacing sensing foil is that the tape comes apart, resulting in half of the tape disappearing into the tape cartridge. The sensing foil pictured above (actual size is a little less than an inch in length) fell off of an 8-track I was playing just this morning. I then had to perform "surgery" on the tape to carefully re-connect the two ends of tape with new sensing foil (which, in case you're wondering, can be purchased relatively cheaply on eBay). 8-track surgery can be complicated and frustrating, hence why it's best to proactively replace the foil upon first play.

Thus concludes today's lesson in keeping your 8-tracks happy and healthy. I hope you found this helpful. Class dismissed!

Friday, July 19, 2013

Saturday, July 13, 2013

I got this tape brand new on eBay a number of years ago. I originally bought the vinyl via a TV mail-order offer when I was a kid, watching after-school reruns of The Monkees in syndication. This album was my first exposure to latter-era songs such as "Oh My My", "Porpoise Song", "It's Nice To Be With You", "D.W. Washburn", and the fantastic "Someday Man".

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Listening to Pet Sounds (1966) on 8-track is a trip. This particular tape (which I found unopened on eBay about 10 years ago) is probably one of the best sounding 8-tracks I own. I compare the 8-track experience in general to that of compact discs; The music doesn't necessarily sound better than vinyl, but it does sound different. There's a 'fat-ness' to the 8-track sound that I like. Of course there's also the nostalgia factor every time the player switches tracks, that Ka-CHUNK sound that kids of the 70's have heard hundreds, if not thousands, of times.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

This week's podcast packs a wallop! Brand new music by The Stooges, Brendon Benson, Camera Obscura, Sean Lennon, a track from the new Records Tribute disc (by my band WORDS), and a track from the new Adam Ant LP. Dig it!

Monday, May 13, 2013

The MN Senate will vote today on whether all couples, regardless of sexual orientation, should be allowed to marry in Minnesota. It is expected to pass, after which Governor Mark Dayton will sign it into LAW. Hooray for EQUALITY!

Thursday, May 02, 2013

Fleetwood Mac has been one of the bands on my (thankfully) shrinking concert bucket list. I was actually supposed to see them during the '87 Tango In the Night tour, but the Minneapolis show was sadly cancelled.

I typically have plenty to say following a concert, but this particular show left both Leo and myself a bit underwhelmed. After a bathroom break during Stevie's "Stand Back" we decided to be old people and leave before the encores in order to avoid traffic. There were some definite highlights, however, in the 2.5 hour show:

"Tusk", which included audio/video of the USC marching band that ended up being an audiovisual blast to the senses. Leo and I leaned in towards each other afterward and said "That was pretty cool!".

"Sad Angel", one of the songs off the band's new 4 song EP, Extended Play, released this week on iTunes. The song has a tremendous energy, and the whole band seemed to get a kick in the shorts during this one.

"Eyes of the World", a forgettable track from 1982's Mirage, which rocked so hard I thought it was another new song. As soon as we got home I grabbed my Mirage LP to hear "Eyes" again, but it paled in comparison to the live performance we'd just seen.

I do not consider Record Store Day to be over until I've obtained all the items on my checklist. Sometimes this can take months, which is fine with me. It's the journey, not the destination, right? Record Store Day is so much more than just rare vinyl goodies. It's about supporting the indie stores, without whom we would lose an enormous part of music culture and history. RSD is also about the thrill of the hunt. Whenever I get discouraged I try to remind myself that there's more than one way to track down a given item.

This year I started using "the buddy system", after sensing that many items were more available in some parts of the country than others. So between my network and one eBay score (in a moment of weakness) I now have 8 of the 11 items on my list. I was also able to nab a 45 for a friend across the country who was unable to find the record in his shops. Is this gratifying? ABSOLUTELY. Yes, it's an excuse to buy records (like I need an excuse), but with all sincerity I believe it is my duty as a lover of vinyl to help keep our brick & mortar stores open. They are more than simply a place to buy records; they are the heart and soul of our local music communities. We need them as much as they need us.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Sunday, January 20, 2013

The temperature is plumeting in Minneapolis today, but not at Club Duran (otherwise known as our living room), where the dance floor is steamin'! I decided that if I'm going to stay in and do laundry I might as well have a Duran Duran record party...