Where there is love, there is complete freedom. There is no bondage.
If I truly love someone, I will not in any way infringe upon their most holy of holies: Their freedom as a self-ruling individual! To do so is possession, slavery and bondage. I am no slave owner! I rule no one but myself!

Relationships should always be voluntary and open. But this openness, within an intimate or sexual relationship, utterly transcends the polyamory/monogamy dichotomy.

This openness is about a complete lack of bondage and control over another individual’s freedom and choices. It’s not about how many relationships we prefer to have at one time.

To really love someone is to want their freedom just as much as we want our own. Wanting to possess another person’s freedom isn’t love. It’s fear.

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The brain is designed to process information (IN-FORMATION) in increments –
It can do no more and it often does much less. It seeks stability and certainty
in a most unstable and uncertain process called Consciousness, which is unfiltered,
pure, raw; yet refined and absolutely wild all at once – always. And it’s ok.

Consciousness is the entire process itself – Source itself – as a whole.
Consciousness is the origin and destination of essential information in a circular loop
which is infinitely growing and abundantly making more of itself.

When one operates in the brain, one is IN-FORMED by a fragmented version of a story
or continuity that the whole is broadcasting through Consciousness, unrestricted.
It may seem to be more manageable but in fact, one is actually being managed.
You may think that you are manipulating the process by taking bite-sized chunks, but you may find that the…

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It stands to reason that in love-making, on the surface at least, it is the woman, ‘the penetrated one’, who holds the vulnerability. After all, having a man push himself into your most sacred and sensitive opening is about the most surrendered and yielding experience one can imagine. So it’s understandable that while women are in the ‘receiving’ role sexually, and are also usually less physically strong than their male partners, the vulnerability is held by the women. I’d like to connect with you deeper in this vulnerability and share something I haven’t spoken about before.

It is extremely vulnerable for us men to be the ‘penetrator’ too. As much as we work on raising our sensitivities and empathy to women, unless we enjoy our own anal penetration, we don’t know what it’s like to be ‘pushed into’. Today, the social climate around men’s sexuality includes a lot of past…

When we judge someone based on a group they belong to instead of their individual integrity or lack there of, we become agents of the most vile and dangerous shadow expression of collectivism.

I have noticed a growing trend with some of the more fanatical men’s rights activists to judge all women as a group, exactly like many feminists do with men; exactly what these MRAs are against!

Far too many whites and blacks, Christians and Muslims, atheists and theists, democrats and republicans and even voluntaryists (who are supposedly all about individualism) and statists judge each other collectively in the same way.

Fanaticism and the human ego’s need to be superior seem to drive this sort of prejudice.

That said, it must be pointed out that certain professions require a compromise of integrity as a job requirement. Police officers, politicians and fascist/puppet dictators are all required to do bad things if they wish to keep their jobs.

This is why people who say things like, “All cops are bad” or “Fascist dictators are evil” kind of have a point. When someone signs up for a job that comes with orders to use coercive force against people who aren’t victimizing anyone…well, something is not quite right in their head to want to do that.

Nevertheless, rather than making blanket statements like, “cops are pigs,” it is best to provide specific examples of individual unethical action, and also the reasons why the criminal justice system is bad. Otherwise – to those who aren’t aware of the dark side of certain professions (and many are not), it might just look like prejudice and fanaticism.

I’m going to completely skip right over the story being presented as “news.” This has absolutely nothing to do with North Korea. This is a false flag by the corporate fascist state that has been posing as the US government for decades.

My theory: I think it has to do with tightening control of the internet for “national security reasons.” The state as it now stands seeks to control everything, and the Internet is the “Wild West.”

“Too much freedom. Let’s kill it!”

I have been saying it since 2003: We are on a slow coup path to a total fascist state. Every year it becomes increasingly evident that our freedom isn’t just being infringed upon for our own “safety,” as we are told (not that I ever believed this nonsense). Our freedom is under ATTACK.

This is what propaganda looks like!

Can’t you feel how it just doesn’t sit right?

We are being lied to by psychopathic fascists who possess the wealth and power necessary to dominate the whole world. In their professional opinion, which I would be hard pressed to disagree with, they are on track for accomplishing this.

They’ve never had any intention of protecting us; we are their enemy! Their one and only goal is to enslave us and they do this by – SURPRISE -stealing our freedom via coercive (non consensual) force….a tiny little bit at a time.

Their mission is very successful so far. Hardly any resistance from their victims at all.

We (the rats in the cage that is named USA) are on a slow coup path to a total fascist state. If you can’t yet see this then you just aren’t paying attention to your GUT.

Close your eyes. Listen. They are coming to get you and take away all that you love. Be ready!

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My parents, overall, were pretty awesome. They encouraged me to think for myself and to form my own opinions. They valued people who thought outside the box because that’s how they were; they were unique, quirky weirdos and I guess I have them to thank for helping to make me the unique, quirky weirdo I am today.

Thanks, Mom and Dad. You guys were way cooler than I realized at the time!

When I was 10, my dad decided that we should all go on a raw vegan diet. I say ‘my dad decided’ because although my mom had been working on him for years about going vegan- and she was an animal rights activist way back in the day, they had an old fashioned marriage. He called the shots. But my dad was usually a benevolent ‘king’ of his working man’s castle.

He wanted me to make my own mind up about giving up animal products. Or at least he wanted me to believe that it was my decision. He was smart. He knew that I would rebel and sneak meat behind his back if he forced me. I was a voracious little carnivore, heartily devouring even the most disgusting organ meats! He knew what a hard sell I would be.

So Dad did an incredible thing..

Instead of enforcing a new family law on me (like he would sometimes do with things he wouldn’t compromise on, like curfew), he did what any great dad would do: He grossed me out about eating “dead bodies” and swore that eating them turned my body into a graveyard. This was a quite a heavy concept for a 10 year old to grasp! But he knew what he was doing.

It took a couple months (oh I held out!) but finally I acquiesced. The last meat I ate was beef jerky from a 7 Eleven. I think I only ate about two bites before my dad told me that beef jerky was nothing but dried up blood. That was it. He won. I wouldn’t taste meat again for another 10 years!

My dad didn’t realize it but he taught me a very valuable lesson; he convinced me to give up something I loved by using solid arguments (for me at the time anyway) instead of force. He made his raw vegan bandwagon look good! He made a lasting impression on me -because it’s one of those dad memories where he actually parented perfectly and I knew it. He respected my wishes, and he didn’t use coercion, threats of punishment or any other power-over parenting technique. He let me rule myself and be my own sovereign person. And I LOVED it!

Sure he tried to gross me out, which might be taken as mild coercion, but he did so with humor, respect and kindness. He modeled love and made me want to be like THAT with everyone -including my own future kids. When I chose to join his weird raw vegan club, I chose wholeheartedly with absolutely no doubts or regrets. And I was dedicated to this new diet, although probably a bit too zealous about it. I was 10 after all. But that is a topic for another blog post.

We can teach our children to be self governing by getting out of their way and encouraging them to self govern whenever possible -a little more every year that they’re still living at home. This requires allowing them to say NO and to question our authority whenever they need to! It also requires that we really question our beliefs around obedience, which I discussed here. When we encourage our kids to think for themselves and make their own choices (about things that are age appropriate obviously), they develop responsibility, sovereignty and true confidence for being the rulers of their own lives – attributes they can’t develop when they’re “disciplined” with threats, coercion and violence.

If you want to raise a kid to have slave/tyrant or victim consciousness, use threats, coercion and violence with them. This is a sure fire way to make the state proud!

The current paradigm is rooted in the false belief that we are born to be ruled over by higher authority. Kids grow up learning to look outside of themselves for what to believe in. They learn to look for heroes and saviors and politicians to be responsible for them instead of learning to take responsibility for their own lives. Eventually, as most of us know, they forget who they are here to be and so their life, relationships, jobs and future parenting become inevitable struggles met with dysfunction, conflict and shadow.

We owe it to our children to prepare them for FREEDOM instead of slavery. We do this when we encourage them to question our authority, to say no and to make choices based on their own opinions and values – whenever it’s safe for them to do so.

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For years I kept a paper journal, I wrote in it all the time and I even carried it around with me just in case I felt that wonderful need to express myself. I used to love writing. Now I just wish I could love writing again!

The internet came and I stopped carrying a notebook around with me. I tried for years to replace my handwriting with typing. I started blogs, I tried my hand at writing articles and ebooks, and I even attempted to keep an online journal that only I had access to. But the sad truth is, I’ve never loved writing on a computer. It just doesn’t excite me the same way holding a pen does.

I sit down to write a blog post and it’s as if nothing really wants to be written. This discourages me to no end but nevertheless I trudge on, I write anyway (like now), I go against my desire to blow it off and I write something – ANYTHING just to keep the creative juices flowing.

Even though I feel I have nothing of real interest to share I keep hoping that with time and patience something interesting will come to me. Creative flatness can’t last forever, or can it?

Later…

The Discovery That Maybe Faking It Isn’t Making It after All!

Then it occurred to me when I was taking a shower just now that maybe I need to share where I’m at. Put it in writing. If the writing is in the creative doldrums, so be it – at least I am being honest and real, right? I keep thinking I can “fake it till I make it,” that if I try hard enough I will say something profound…but that’s not really true of course. Writing has to be honest and authentic and when it’s not, it sucks!

But being authentic means losing these reigns that I’ve learned to hold so tight over myself. There is something in me that needs to be cut loose, I can feel that in a deep way. And I can almost see it but not quite. There may be fear of authenticity lurking in the shadows of my psyche. I think it comes down to this question:

If I live out loud and express myself without any self-censoring, who will be scared off by me and who will stay?

Could my creative block have to do with fear of rejection? This thought is repugnant to me! I don’t want to be a person who cares so much about what people think that I shrink myself. But I think I need to allow for this possibility.. Just in case.

So what is it that I’m holding back saying? What feels scary to say?

Here are some ideas of what feels a need to be expressed by me but that I also have some fear around expressing:

I’m still wracked with regret for staying in an unhappy marriage “for the kid.” I spent a decade and a half of my LIFE fighting over nothing – and nearly starving from a lack of intimacy, sex, affection, touch and heart connection. My heart hasn’t even close to healed. I died a little inside from living like that for all those years. I don’t know if I will ever recover.

I also regret living in a town where I’ve had so little heart connection with people here. It has been a decade and a half of boring flatlander existence with no sense of community or friendship at all. I’m angry with myself for letting this happen. I really blew it with the choices I made!

Music. I love to write songs and I’ve written many songs I’m really proud of. But I haven’t done this enough because my time and all my energy have been wasted on trying to fix things that couldn’t be fixed. I never finished recording my songs and this makes me feel like a total loser sometimes to be honest. An artist has to flesh out their creation and follow through all the way. I have failed and I kind of suck for this (I’m being really hard on myself I know…it’s for the purpose of this exercise).

I’m still angry that the last 6 years of my life were spent watching my mother wither away and die. I know that I haven’t even scratched the surface of this anger, and I also know that anger is a natural part of grief. It was a hellish experience and there is a part of me that believes it was unfair in a very deep way that I don’t know if I can ever accept or fully recover from.

There is nothing I want more than to be the best mother I can possibly be. The obstacles to doing this one thing right have been overwhelming. I want my daughter to get a great education, and not be indoctrinated by the American government. Her dad is a schoolteacher and insists on CORE curriculum even though she does school at home. This sickens me but I am powerless to do anything about it.

All my life it’s been my MO to run away from anyone I thought I could fall in love with. I went for tepid connections that I knew wouldn’t tear me apart inside. I was really afraid of grief. This was my thing, so I tried to avoid all situations that could lead to grief. I was afraid that if I loved someone too much they would die (this was the hardest part of being a mom, but being a mom helped me heal in this area). I’ve been in love three times but only kissed one of the three (the first was when I was 12 so does that even count? I don’t thinks so). It was wrong for me to lie about my feelings back when I was afraid. It wasn’t fair to my own heart -but it especially wasn’t fair to the hearts of the men I couldn’t fall in love with.

I’ve grown so much the last few years. I have been pushed to grow up, to open my heart and to own the shadows that allowed fear to direct my actions when I was younger. Being a late bloomer means there is no time for wasting. It is my intention to live fearlessly, and not hold back my passion and my life force ever again.

After all is said and done today:

I’m seeing how I’ve been a coward in my writing, tip toeing around difficult subject matter -always trying so hard to say the “right” thing instead of just sharing the truth of me. Writing this today has helped me see that my inner coward needs to die if my true self is ever going to FLY. I think I’m ready to get real, and long past due for FLYING.

About Me

I'm committed to living consciously and with deep responsibility for my actions and words. Radical nonaggression is my path. Love is what I value most. Music is my gift. Writing is my joy.I love my daughter. I love my dogs. Life is beautiful and I'm very grateful.