Bondage 101 Guide: Tactics

Don’t Look So Blue – Warning Signs During Bondage

If you want to be the partner calling the shots, you have to call all of them—even the ones you might not enjoy calling.

When you’re a rigger, you have a responsibility over the person you’re tying up. Their health and safety are in your hands for the duration of your time together, and you have to be worthy of that trust. You have to look out for them, even when they cannot or, for whatever reason, will not tell you that they are feeling bad.

Yes, you have safewords and signals.

Safewords and signals, however, only work if they are used, or if the submissive is dedicated to their use. If you’re finding dates on bondage dating sites, you may encounter several new submissives. They are frequently eager to please in many ways, and one of those ways is by ignoring their own discomfort in order to not say the safeword or give the signal. Many new submissives such as this will ignore their own safewords, because they think it makes them “weak” or less good at being a sub.

As a rigger, you have to be aware of this—and ready to counter it.

Be extremely aware of your sub’s body motions, and what they reveal about what she is feeling. Make sure that you are paying attention not just to how great your partner looks in the rig, but how your partner is moving—especially in any way that doesn’t seem common or normal.

What do you do when your hand falls asleep?

When your hand falls asleep, you move it. When your partner starts moving a hand, leg, or any other body part in that unmistakable motion that says it’s prickling and falling asleep, you need to adjust whatever tie you put around that part.

You also have to look out for signs of general discomfort on the part of your submissive. If they are wiggling around a lot and it’s not because you’re doing something right, it may be because you’re doing something wrong—for example, maybe there’s a knot in their spine or something.

If your partner isn’t comfortable, at least to a degree that she is willing to easily tolerate for the sake of a scene, you have to adjust your ties. Yes, you probably spent a lot of time on them. Your partner spent a lot of time growing that arm, too, and you don’t want to get in the way of that.

Comfortable play lasts longer.

You may want to induce certain kinds of discomfort into your play, but it must be safe and deliberate. If you make your partner uncomfortable because you tied the rig improperly, you have to fix it. That’s your job as a rigger.

Yes, it can “kill the mood.” That’s part of bondage.

It takes a very experienced rigger to pull off the kind of mood switch that comes from breaking a role-play to adjust a tie. When you’re a beginner, you might not know how to do that just yet. They don’t always teach it in Bondage 101.

That’s all right. You can always get the mood back. What’s more difficult to get back is your partner’s trust if they aren’t having a good time. You probably also won’t enjoy the way that they avoid bondage play with you after a scene where they were uncomfortable for a long period of time, and you were too busy to notice (or thought it would ruin the mood).

Tingling and discomfort aren’t the only things to look for.

As a rigger, we’ve said you have to be at least passingly comfortable with your knowledge of the human body. It’s important to know certain things, such as what your partner’s basic temperature in all of her extremities is.

If any part of her goes cold, change the ties.

Even if this is a small fluctuation in temperature, this is a very big issue. If a part of her feels hotter than it should, change the ties. No part of her should be experiencing rapid fluctuations in temperature change.

Many riggers think that just because a partner isn’t suspended, the ties can’t be all THAT tight as to cause such serious discomfort, or even danger. Sadly, this isn’t true, and many people suffer accidental injuries and death due to bondage play improperly executed bondage techniques every year.

Pay attention to color as well.

If any part of your partner changes color, change the tie. If it turns red (not from spanking or other obvious causes), purple, or acquires a blue or green tinge, your tie is either wrong or too tight. You have blocked off circulation, which can be dangerous.

Observe the two-finger rule.

If you can’t slide two fingers under the rope once it’s tied, you need to fix it.