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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

As a boy there where many thoughts of adventure and journeys. I remember standing on my grand father’s pier on a lake in Wisconsin. Peering through the water of the lake with a flashlight and seeing a fish at least 3 feet in length scouring for minnows in water not much deeper than the fish itself. I remember the excitement of that moment, thinking I am going to catch that monster fish. Running back up to the house and grabbing my gear I ran back down to the water only to find my monster prize gone.

I was determined to catch this fish. I threw out my line to where it was and waited quietly. An hour passed and it did not return. My Father came down and informed me I had to go to bed. I told him about the fish and how badly I wanted to catch it. He did not perceive how much this meant to me and grabbed me by the hand taking me to bed. I tossed and turned dreaming about this wonderful fish. Suddenly waking up and knowing I had to give it one more attempt. So I snuck out of the house, made my way back to the lake and tried again. Still no fish. Suddenly my father appeared, angry, Gary, Back to bed he screamed at me. This time I decided I would leave the rod-Wrapping the line several times around the pier support pole, and dutifully returning to bed. I woke up early sometime around 6am, ran down to the pier and realized I had hooked my prize. The line was almost completely gone from my reel I had to jump into the water and follow the line as it was pulled around the pier, over to the neighbor’s pier, around the supports there. Then nothing. The line was broken. I was crushed. My fish had gotten away.

Today at 54 I often think about the things I was never able to do. Places I have wanted to go. Adventures unfulfilled. A space journey was always something I have fantasized about. Born in the early fifties through out my lifetime I have watched untold numbers of sci-fi movies. Watched as Man stepped on the moon for the very first time. From the writings of Jules Verne to the show Start Trek I felt I would be destined to step towards the stars one day. Sadly this never happened. I sometimes feel like life has cheated me out of the adventure in living. Missing the glory days of the 1800’s. The rise of the USas a world power. Cattle ranching, the building of a nation from the land. The ability to just hop on horse, take a ride to somewhere no one had ever been-and saying. This here spot is now mine. Never will I be able to climb into a craft and hit a button and say the galaxy is mine. Where should we go?

Sadly my most vivid memories also seem to be some of the worst. Daily body counts of the dead in Vietnam. Stricken families screaming in grief over the loss of their boy. The agonizing and gut wrenching photos of suffering in wars that have covered the globe. World War 1, World War 2,Korea,Vietnam,The gulf,Africa,Russia,Afganistan,Iraq. The list seems endless. The suffering and pain seem endless. Now the news that the vast oceans of autos,trucks,trains and planes-Are slowly choking the life out of the planet. The modern space age which promised to fulfill the dreams of man is actually killing the very planet we call home.

I start thinking to myself, maybe it is better that we never actually reach the stars. Maybe what we are isn’t something that should be propagated through out the endless reaches of space. Will we take our wars and petty squabbles with us?. Will the basic instincts that make us treat each other so poorly on one world be carried off to 10 or 100 worlds.

Will mankind ever grow up?

Sadly I do not really believe we ever will. All the automation and technology in the universe will not change one simple fact.

As a species we are killers. We harm everything we touch, even the very planet we live on.

We talk the talk-But never ever, seem to make the walk.

So perhaps it is better that when I die my dreams go unfulfilled. The Universe really doesn’t need us.

We can’t even co-exist on the only thing we really have for certain-The Planet Earth

Monday, May 4, 2009

All that matters is I. The rest they twist and turn in angles of pain. Twisted by there own greed and animosity. When I awake the dawn all that matters is, did I get what I wanted and needed today. I have what I need and damn the rest. The unborn,the poor, the needy,the forgotten. All that matters is that at this moment in time I am satisfied. The tomorrows may not come. I do not care. I will not change who I am or what I want. I will not walk a new path. The old one was to easy and to secure. The tomorrows will come, they always have. I can and will continue with my ignorance. Nothing will happen.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Women and men do not understand each other well. The biological differences between us create a I don't get you feeling, all the time. I have realized though that as time goes on, we do start to understand each other better. Women lose estrogen, men lose testosterone, and we start meeting in the middle. Older people have a kinda I understand feeling between them.

Young men in particular are handed a horrid thing by nature, constant thoughts of sex. Dynamic and powerful bodies which when taken care of can move hundreds of pounds. Intelligence blinded by the need to procreate.

Sometimes this "gift" of nature finds itself misdirected at those who have lived awhile. We older and more experianced men who have seasoned with time, learned to control our nature, and grown to be "better" people.

This is a story-True, about a younger man who decided to challange me one day. He will never live it down, but I'm sure is far more careful now.

I was driving down a back road in a small town on the border of california called mohave.

The street has one stop sign. I know this stop sign is there and "always" stop at it.

This particular day I was going to the market to pick up some items and stopped at the stop sign. A younger man suddenly appeared in his truck at the corner, doing a "california" roll through at a high rate of speed. I saw him, and dutifully hit the brakes. He suddenly stops and screams out his window at me, You stupid @@@@ watch the @@@@ stop sign. I looked at him with the begininng of an anger only men understand, and hit the gas driving past him.

This in turn really pissed him off. The street is double wide but only 1 lane. There are cars lining the curb and children playing out on the front yards. But there is enough room for a car to fit between the median line and the parked cars.

Our young hero decides to come blazing up next to me between me and the parked cars oblivious to everything but his rage and starts screaming explitives at me. Ending with the phrase: Do You Wanna Fight?

Normally I would have just kept driving, but the dangerous disregard this "man" had for the property and lives of others really ticked me off.

So I looked him in eye and said yea-pull over right there.

He parked, I parked

What he didn't know was that after the death of my friend I had decided it was time to start excercising more. I had been lifting weights,working a stair stepper,running, and returning the muscle mass I was so proud of in my youth.

I had played Football, was a wrestler, hockey,basketball,and a life guard . I worked hard labor jobs in my late teens that had me unloading salt trucks, 80 lb bags-50 tons at a time. You never really lose your strength-it just gets flabby. But with exercise it comes back very quickly. So I was in good shape.

After climbing out of his car he stood there staring at me. I was a bit taller than he but much older. He was in his late 20's. He hestitated.

I looked at him and said "Well fat mouth bring it on" gesturing with my arms to come forward. He complied, walked up to me and swung at my face. He punched at my check. I turn my head with the punch and his fist grazed my check bone.

After his "assault" I simply reacted with a wrestling move. Grabbing him in a head lock and rolled him to the ground. He went down like a bowl of jello. deciding that since he hit me first, I would hit him back I raised up a fist into the air and crashed it into his lower abdomen. He reacted with moderate pain.

Suddenly from out of no where, we were surrounded by 30 or 40 people all screaming fight, fight. I was distracted and released my grip. Somehow he managed to get me around the neck and started to choke the daylights out of me.

Realizing in a split second that this dude is serious and trying to kill me. I kicked off the ground as hard as I could . Rolled over him. Hit the ground butt first, swung around and grabbed him by the neck between my legs. Locking hard and squeezing enough to hurt I looked at him and said.

You see all these people dumbshit-In 3 minutes or so you and I are going to jail. I am going to let you go , get back into my car and leave. Do not attack me again. I released him, started to walk back to my car while the gathered crowd started screaming way to go old man. You sure showed him.

Several youngsters followed me to the store to congratulate me and wondered where I learned the moves.

I wasn't real proud of my behavior that day. But I'm certain this young man will never be so stupid again. The embarrassment must have killed him, and he learned a valuable lesson.

Increasingly I have become more and more disturbed about the people globally who are being persecuted "for their words". Since when do we charge and incarcerate people for writing?. The concept of terrorism in the heat of anger-I outta kill you, he screams. Suddenly the police show up and arrest you for terrorist threats. A women writes about something she feels is wrong-Bridget Bardo-and she is found guilty of inciting hatred. How does one incite hatred?

I think that people who hate, do it of there own choosing.

When we can no longer express ourselves for fear of recriminations isn't that called repression?.

Didn't Freedom of speech have something to do with our fundamental rights?