Gravity
by Sara Bareilles
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here ’till the moment I’m gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.
You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I
Try to make you see that you’re
Everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I
Can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down
You’re keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah
You’re onto me, onto me and all over

I believe I have found a state of equilibrium… a very acceptable medium between the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. Gravity has definitely had it’s way with me for the past couple months, but I think I’ve finally figured out how to balance… how to be centered. They say if you love something, let it go. I let him go and it was hard to deal with, an awful aching in my heart, but I picked myself up and began the healing process. I started thinking rationally again and logicized how I was better off and stronger in spite of everything.

Then the laws of attraction came back out to play again. He came back to me… he couldn’t stay away as much as I didn’t want him to go away. Although I think “forever” is definitely not in our cards, as those external forces are going to divide us again soon… in the meantime, I have love, clarity, and balance. I have a solid grasp on the situation… my expectations are set and I know the boundaries. It doesn’t seem right to me that two people with such an obvious attraction for each other should not be able to stay together infinitely; indeed, it seems wrong on a cellular level. Regardless of what is right though, there simply is what is. Some things are in our control, some thing are out of our control, and some things we choose not to control. Maybe our friendship will continue over the distances and time; maybe it won’t. Either way, there is peace with what happens… there is balance within.

Soooo… the bubble, as aforementioned, has burst. Seems to me that 5 weeks was an excruciatingly long time time for the bubble to exist in the first damn place. OK, Ok I wanted to stay up there in the clouds; dammit I did! I was having a blast playing amongst the cherubs and the angels… I was living in my own dream and it was nice.

I am not actually over my whelm of emotions fully, so as to write very eloquently yet… I am sad; the air let out of my balloons…sad. This sadness is not a sadness I cannot overcome… I can deal with this and I’m sure that in just a few days, I will be better for it. The facts are that I’ve had a very pleasant few weeks. I had wished for Gravity to take some time off, and I enjoyed Gravity’s vacation.

For a few short weeks I was in love. I’d met someone nearly as sarcastic as myself, and he made me laugh. I could see the mischief in his eyes when he tested me on random risque topics; I prided myself in having worthy responses. He was never easy to decipher and always kept me on my toes, but I rather enjoyed this game of cat mouse mystery… I shall call it “intriguing”. Most of the time, I felt quite at home with him… it was easy being me and being loved.

But all that is gone now. Our anti-gravitational wonderland has moved along, leaving behind it this relatively small path of destruction. It’s not that my love was unwelcomed or unreciprocated… indeed I think it was very well received. However, there are so many issues outside of our immediate control… things we can’t change. We are who we are and sometimes we just aren’t good for each other. I made the healthy choice, the hard choice, and Gravity is now firmly back in place weighing oh so heavily on my heart.

They say what goes up, must come down. They say to every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction. They, whoever they are, are apparently right. I’m not sure I understand it, and I’m not sure I agree, but there it is.

So earlier today the most amazing thing happened to me and I was elated. It was like a dream come true… one of those things you hope for all your life, then there it is, on a silver platter just for you. It wasn’t something you worked for or expected, just one of those fabulous things that happens to the lucky few, out of the blue and for no good reason. But should I be so lucky? And why? Well honestly, I don’t know, but I was, and I was happy. For hours, I could not swallow the shit eatin’ grin that had taken up residence upon my face. I can’t recall ever a time in my life I felt so… special. It was a very good morning.

Then the switch flipped. No rhyme or reason. I was heartbroken. I am heartbroken, and there is absolutely no reason for this suffrage. Nobody stuck a pin in my balloon. Nobody stole away my cupcake. All I know is that a dream of mine became reality, and I started to contemplate what happens beyond the dream. Of course, things could just continue on dreamy, but being realistic, I just don’t see that happening and I am devastated. Yesterday I had little to no expectations, this morning I was ecstatic, and now I’m a wreck… and for no good flippin’ reason. Damn you gravity and to hell with the laws of attraction… I just want to stay up with no down. Capiche?

Today is Thursday and I’m at work, working. This is work. 🙂 I do ❤ my job. OK I should be working on a client’s blog and not my own, but practice makes perfect, right?

My boss ordered this awesome KoNa Blend Island Style coffee from the Coffee People, at my suggestion, and it is super yummy! I luv it when a plan comes together.

Today I am exploring facebook insights… a pretty cool lil analytics tool I prolly shoulda used before now, but w/e I’m on the boat now.

7 more hours of fabulous workity stuff and then I’m off to Sakura to meet my friend Lisa so we can watch game 7 of the Sharks and the Redwings in this years Stanley Cup Playoffs. We are both from Michigan originally, so you know who we’ll be rootin’ for!