Posts: 12

Topic: Healing

To those of you who have been following my journey, this will make sense. Others may find this somewhere between mystic and creepy. Now might be a good time to exit.

My outlook has been a mixture of humor, analytical, dark, spiritual, and a suspected fifth part that I can't explain - it is obscurred, rarely seen, but there.

I wrote this using pen and paper at a campground in the Adirondacks. Tenting, cooking over a fire, and the finest outhouse in miles. Water but no electricity. That is part of the healing. Poplar Point is on Piseco Lake. Aimee and I started camping here in 1982. Her family brought her as an infant in the late 1950's. We have a history. Last time we were here was a year before CCA. Aimee brought up coming here this year. I had chosen not be bring it up. Not sure if this would be tainted by "what could have been". Thank goodness I listened to her. She refuses to see anything but the best outcome in anything. Talk about an optimist! So I came to grips with memories, past and future. But we know we can't change the past so let it go. And the future is what we make it. We have to find ways to make it the best we can. And that is the big lightbulb that finally lit for me (and the purpose of this post). I have a future! It's not the same one I had in mind 14 months ago. But, I HAVE A FUTURE! I know, capitalizing words in a email is like shouting. But that's how I feel about this - shouting it out loud.

My son Chris went to Space Camp in Alabama when he was in fourth grade. One of their mantras was: "If it is to be, it is up to me." "With a little help from my friends" and my medical team I will make it so. God is going to let me live as long as I need to, same as everyone else. Maybe even as long as I want to. No pre-stamped expiration date - still marked "TBD".

None of this is earth shattering. But it is a major break through for me and I wanted to share it with you. Those of you who already know this are thinking (I hope) "Well done Little Grasshopper." (Kung Fu - David Carridine) Others I hope will find this moment yourselves in your own time.

Duke

Fighting with dignity, not desperation. Live, Laugh, Love - One Day at a Time. The past has passed. "Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning." JM Barrie

Re: Healing

To My Dear Dukester, I see nothing creepy or mystical about your post, I see promise and hope and a great attitude. BTW I often capitalize words when I am stressing a point. Congratulations on your mentally joining the living as you know "life is for the living". I am so glad that you and Aimee made that trek and after all these years tell Aimee I am glad you are finally listening to her!!! LOL Another BTW, Teddy told me that you have a long way to go yet as he was barraged with visitors at his Sicilian Restaurant and has no room right now! He can't even keep enough food on hand to send take out/delivery! HA< and you thought the storks only delivered babies. With that I hope I gave you a giggle. Keep on keeping the good thoughts, dear friend.

THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME! Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHINGAny suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Healing

You wouldn't see anything strange about my post since you've known me for quite a while.

The only storks we want to see in the future will be those following marriages of my kids.

Somehow, I knew you would be the first to reply.

Know anyone who has taken the mule ride to the bottom of the Grand Canyon? We are looking into that over the winter - lot's warmer at the bottom - Phantom Ranch. Web site said that it was not for people with fear of heights. I figure I could always close my eyes. And hope that the mule did not have a fear of heights and closed his eyes, too.

Duke

Fighting with dignity, not desperation. Live, Laugh, Love - One Day at a Time. The past has passed. "Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning." JM Barrie

Re: Healing

Ha, Ha on all accounts. Yes I have known a couple........hated to say goodbye to them!! Just kidding. They say it is not for the faint of heart but that it is great. We took a steam engine train from Williams to Grand Canyon and returned to Williams same day. Don't get to see as much but it was a blast. We heard how the mules are trained. Since, of course they have to be sure footed on a narrow path.....they are blindfolded and late at night taken on the route. Of course we have never heard of a shortage of mules yet. If you go to the GC you really should go see Sedona a very mystical, magic and beautiful place. Small, touristy but worth the trip. And of course you should end up here in Phoenix!!!! Yes, it is very cool in the winter at the Canyon, need coats. What are those? Honestly a few helicopters sightseeing from Vegas have gone down over the Canyon, I think 2 or 3 in the last 10 years. Must have been all the money they won in Vegas weighing down the copter. So start planning!

THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME! Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHINGAny suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Healing

Great post Duke. Love your new attitude. As for the canyon, we were there and it is awesome to see, but Jim also was afraid of heights and I had all I could do the get him to even get out of the car for a look. Needless to say we did not do the trek to the bottom, but I have heard it is worth the trip. I say go for it. Keep doing what your doing, living and loving your life. Kudos to Aimee she sounds like a smart and caring lady.

Love & Hugs,Darla

"One Day At A Time"

All of my comments and suggestions are just my opinions and are not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care providers.

Re: Healing

Dear Duke,I love your post! I always pray that everyone on this journey reaches this point sooner rather than later. We do have a future and I will take whatever God has in store for me. He is the author of my book....so I am pretty sure it will be a good read!! Thanks for the positive post! Go for the Grand Canyon!!!Melinda

Re: Healing

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: Healing

Looking over my posts I realized I have not acknowledged the single most important person in my hope for the future - my wife Aimee. She never gives up, never gives in. And won't let me. We have discussions but there is no way I could do this without her. Not to belittle the help of others, but it would be like a tripod with only two legs.

Caregivers - Realize that those you are caring for may assume you know how much they love you or may have trouble expressing their feelings. That does not take away from what they feel. Take a deep breath and keep on keeping on.

Patients - Know that your caregiver is giving their all for you, in ways you may not even know. It's easy to love a happy person when things are going well, but chances are you are not happy at times. When you need it most, it's the hardest to give to you. Take time to express your feelings - don't assume they know it.

I love Aimee so much that I will NOT tell the story of being with her buying a bathing suit when she was seven months pregnant. Trust me, it's really a hoot! To this day, when we walk past a bathing suit display, I snicker and she smacks me on the arm. And smiles.

PeaceDuke

Fighting with dignity, not desperation. Live, Laugh, Love - One Day at a Time. The past has passed. "Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning." JM Barrie

Re: Healing

Beautiful post and LOVE for Aimee. Been there, done it and I know how you both feel and even in trying times it is so good to be with the right person! You both have that special bond and respect.I still tell myself that even though T and I were only married 16 years, I had more love shown to me then most people get in a lifetime and that gets me through. Sometimes we are blessed to meet the one we are destined for! You and Aimee did.

THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME! Teddy ~In our hearts forever~ATTITUDE is EVERYTHINGAny suggestion I offer is intended as friendly advice based solely on my own experience. Please consult your doctor for professional guidance.

Re: Healing

Great post Duke! And keep on keeping on with lots of deep breaths, yep, so know that feeling!

Any advice or comments I give are based on personal experiences and knowledge and are my opinions only, they are not to be substituted for professional medical advice. Please seek professional advice from a qualified doctor or medical professional.

Re: Healing

Duke....we must be married to counterparts....your Aimee and my Allen. Yesterday, in tears, after my last chemo was done and I rang the survivor's bell, he came to give me a kiss....and I tearly thanked him for everything he has done for me the last 7 months to get me through this and just being there yesterday. I couldn't have done it...gone through it without him. Of course, his response was what I thought it would be...."I wouldn't want to have been anywhere else." It's amazing to be married 39+ years and be more in love than when you got married. I can honestly say, we've grown together...and love has grown and changed over time. I don't know what we did to hit the spouse lotto.....you and me....but I"m sure that if Aimee is like Allen.....she feels the same way. Guess we're both lucky to have found the right person.

"Just for today, I can get through anything." I'm a cancer survivor, not a doctor. The opinions I state are my own, based on my personal experiences. As always, talk to your doctor about your concerns and treatment.

The information expressed is not medical advice. The discussion boards are not intended to replace the services of a trained health professional or to be a substitute for the medical advice of physicians or other healthcare providers. Read the full disclaimer.