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Listening to sports talk hosts speak, you’d know where all those types who slept their way through high school English landed. All one ever need know about them is they don’t even say the word athlete correctly ( they routinely & wrongly add a 3rd syllable: ath-ah-leet ). What is even more troubling, is the naiveté and lack of insight these so called professional announcers and the majority of their audience evince.

Prime example is the recent contretemps involving über moron Manny Ramirez. This buffoon has been manifesting his inner creep for years. But the jock sniffocracy* laughed it off with a catch phrase—they love catch phrases, in between mis-pronouncing words: ‘ it’s Manny just being Manny.’ Who, it seems has aquired Bob Marley’s old hair stylist and/or actual hair. And Pedro Martinez’ penchant for pounding old guys.

So, what did M. Ramirez do? did he snub the President of the US ( twice ), buy yet another really expensive car, walk through the Fenway Park scoreboard to wizz, or pose at home plate watching another lameass homerun, have a dugout fight with teammate, Grizzly Youkilis? Nope.

ManRam wanted some tickets for purported family & friends. When he couldn’t get them, he knocked down the first guy he saw, a 60+ security guard. Now some ‘ fans’ are shocked. Why? Manny Ramirez is a self-absorbed asshole. He’s a thug, who has been obscenely overpaid and encouraged because hmmm, he helps the Boston Red Sox win ball games. With or without a bat in his hands, Manny, just being Manny, is a Major League jerk.

Naturally, 99.999% Boston fans could care less, what Manny does. They want more pennants now they’ve had a taste. For 86 years Red Sox proponents had the sports equivalent of penis envy re: the New York Yankees. Oddly, they also had a hard on for all things NYC. Must have been very very confusing. No wonder they worship trogs like Jason Varitek, David Ortiz and M. Ramirez. I could say a lot about those guys, but they do have balls. And know how to use them. Sadly, now they’ve won some World Series, it’s only gotten worse.

These days the once Ruthian cursed Red Sox, have been glossed the world’s greatest baseball team, by its fans & their PR arm: ESPN. Another glaring solipsism jockos are guilty of, is using absolutes. As in declaring Boston’s Peter Gammons a Renaissance Man, because he reports baseball and plays in a band. He’s a yeoman-like guitar player at best (a colorless singer), maybe a cut above Madonna on a 6 string. Though she is currently more knowledgeable about Alex Rodriguez than Gammons is. . ..

Luckily, God, who has abandoned the Yankees ( don’ t ask…), has this season become a fan of the Tampa Bay Rays. The Rays, the team formerly known as the Devil Rays, mainly because they were previously too limpwristed to co-opt Stingrays from a minor league team, have cast out Satan in FLA! Also, they have changed uniform colors to blue & sand( really creative palette fellas ) and now have the best team in baseball. Chalk one up for the fat white Southern Christians who plagued the Tampa Bay franchise, until they changed that brimstone laden monicker this year. A devil ray is a manta and a vegetarian sea creature, but hey! So, GO RAYS! yeah that’s the ticket. . ..

THE HELP DEPARTMENT here is a tip for sports pronouncers: it’s Wimble-DON, not -Ton. How they can claim to have watched the tennis matches and still say Wimbledon wrong, proves my point. Game. Set. Match. You have a whole year to practice, @#%&*! idiots.