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9.26.2009

I fail at updating this thing, sometimes. Forgive me. I should try harder to live up to my last post's title, or the title of my whole blog for that matter.

In the interim I have been evaluating different aspects of my life and trying to make peace with them.

I'm trying to make peace with the color of the leaves as they change from summer-green to autumn-orange, a sign that time is rushing ever forward, towards some things I don't feel prepared for.

I am trying to make peace with my copious, long-awaited, and suddenly empty-feeling free time.

I am trying to make peace with the past, because sometimes I forget that life is not a chapter book that I can flip back and forth through, skipping the parts I don't like and rereading and rereading the favorites.

I am trying to make peace with this place in my life, this time, which is not the point when I am supposed to be wandering and daydreaming as I was a year ago. Somehow, the lack of obligations and structure is now making me crazy.

Let me save you the pain of reading what I have written here many times in the last six months, and let me say that as tough as it is, I am trying to live with purpose and with open arms.

Today, I don't feel that way. Tomorrow, when I am walking home from work smelling like fried food and feeling like my feet might fall off, I will probably feel just as frustrated. But now is not an interim, just like a favorite author has pointed out to me. Now is a real time, and every time and season we grow through is a preparation for things to come.