Thursday, June 5, 2014

TweetZWR NBA Insider Jacob is back with his thoughts, and we're all the better for it. Enjoy.

TEN STATS, FACTS, AND PREDICTIONS FOR THE NBA FINALS

1. Each pair of Tim Duncan’s pants costs a total of $478 to make, with most of that money going toward material (this includes labor costs related to chopping down an entire denim tree) and a small portion being dedicated to making them look worn/acid washed/stolen from an old fat dude.

2. LeBron James is seeking to be the first athlete to compete in the NBA Finals and the Belmont Stakes in the same day this weekend. The joke here is that LeBron is built like a horse and I hope that came across because otherwise this was just a stupid sentence to write.

3. I still have yet to watch an entire Spurs game this year.

4. Evan Turner and Andrew Bynum will both be watching the Finals from the same place as Tony Wroten this year. Only difference is Turner will be watching it with a propeller hat on, having just realized he forgot to put on underwear.

5. Seriously, the playoffs are still going on somehow.

6. Colin Cowherd is taking the Spurs in 5 but also said yesterday that he likes dark coffee from Starbucks because some baseball players take steroids. Or something. I don’t know. I think that dude is on a sh*tload of drugs.

7. Game 7 would be the deciding game in this series if it were to be tied after the first six games and you can take that to the bank.

8. Paul George made the All-NBA Third Team even though Pacers fans had him down as the MVP up until he started sending dong pics to dudes. No matter how your team’s season ended, you can always take solace in the fact that you didn’t root for the Pacers the year.

9. I am super tired.

10. I think the MLB Draft is tonight.

11. I have never seen The Godfather.

12. Heat will win in six and LeBron will be the series MVP. Lance Stephenson will one day tell the story to his grandkids about how his team won the NBA Finals this year and he averaged 40/20/15.