This Thing

Posted on December 18, 2015 // 6 Comments

This thing called marriage na wa oh. I am talking about marriages in our generation. my husband and I were sitting down yesterday and counting how many good marriages we know of. I dont mean perfect marriages, I mean easy going non violent and loving marriages. And we barely came up with 10 couples.

For the others there was one issue or another we were privy to – either infidelity, incompatibility or just outright disrespect. One thing many seemed to have in common was a case of expectations. And I said to my husband- for them to be telling others about these issues mean they have gotten to breaking points or damn near close.

One particular situation that almost broke my heart- the couple has been barely married for 6 months and in the wife’s exact words “i shouldn’t have married him”! Now that just sums it all up because after that statement was made she wouldn’t talk further.

I kept thinking and asking myself – is it that we are not realistic in our expectations or we are so in love with weddings that we don’t stop to examine the true state of our relationships? Because this marriage thing is easy to enter but hard to come out of especially in Nigeria. I don’t know how collectively we can be better support systems to each other and stop getting caught up in planning weddings or being so desperate that we don’t examine the people in front of us to see if they really work with our personalities in the long haul.

6 Comments on This Thing

Well a lot of people are caught up in the wedding, what with Instagram videos of people pulling diff antics trying to make their wedding party the one to beat. It is really amusing to say the least. I Aldo think people are just lazy, thus social media era where nothing is private anymore, people tend to loose what is real in favour of what us percieved to be real… It is pathetic.

So many are caught up trying to out-do their peers in terms of material and the physical qualities that they just get it wrong. It’s not all about marrying Mr TDH and Wealthy, or being ‘miss Fab’. Those are good, but there are more important qualities. The moral and spiritual matter too. Abeg I can’t shout, Have a lovely weekend Madam Pynk.

Hia OAD don’t let my single sistehs hear you say this marriage thing is easy to get into. And there lies the problem, it has become such a very highly sought after commodity (because society, pressure, yadayadayada) that the quality of the product does not matter as much as possessing the product. A friend once said and I quote “I don’t care of we get divorced after one year. Let it just be one record that I’ve been married”, that was a few months to her wedding to someone she could barely tolerate, who didn’t seem to like her much either.
May God continue to give us wisdom. Amen.