Matt of All Trades blog, like the title suggests, is by a Vermont author and offers offbeat musings on pop culture, media, journalism, humor, weirdness, stupid people, smart people, my life as a journalist, landscaper, photographer, married gay man, dog lover and weather geek and more. It's run by me, Matt Sutkoski, a native Vermonter living in St. Albans, Vt.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Too Fat For Prison? Florida Judge Unimpressed With That Argument

It's true, nobody wants to go to jail.

Is this guy too fat for prison? He thinks he is.A judge begs to differ.

But if you commit the crime, you do the time, right?

So it is with James Olivos of Florida, who was convicted or running a big real estate scam. He was sentenced to five years in jail and told to pay back $3 million in restitution.

Magistrate Karla Spaulding was (surprise!) unimpressed and gave our buddy 48 hours to come up with medical records to prove he couldn't handle jail, says WESH. It sounds like she wasn't exactly holding her breath for that one.

You can't exactly use being fat as a get out of jail free card. And despite his ADHD, if he was focused enough to commit a scam, he is probably focused enough to sit through a five year jail sentence.

And just judging from the images from the WESH report, Olivos does indeed look like a pretty hefty dude, but it also seems there's lots of people fatter than him who are in jail. To me, he looks as if he can't be more than 300 pounds.

Like I said, big, but not a record breaker.

So let this be a lesson to anyone trying to avoid jail: You have to be super, super, duper fat to avoid a prison term. It's probably easier to just not commit a crime.

That way, you stay out of jail. And you're free to eat anything you want. Even if it's fattening.