Marriage

As a married woman of today, I’m sure that you’ve noticed the trend that I have noticed. More people are getting divorced, separated, and remaining single. There are more people encouraging us to take care of ourselves than there are inspiring us to nurture our marriages and relationships with our husbands. People want us to be busy fulfilling our roles outside of the home, in ministry, and in the community, but often times the calling of wife goes without encouragement. There are many reasons as to why this is so rampant, but today I want to encourage you with 7 quotes that inspire healthy marriages.

Pulling Away to Scoot Closer

I’ve spent over 15 years with my husband and I know from experience that what I listen to, read, and pour into myself will affect my relationship with him. If I am struggling within myself with issues, it takes a tole on my marriage. If I am to busy cultivating other relationships and forget about my husband, our relationship will feel distant. However, when I am balanced in my efforts and attentive to his needs, the needs of our marriage, and my call as a wife, our relationship blossoms.

Let’s be honest. Sometimes we get to busy to stop and think about what we could be doing to make our marriages better. We get too busy parenting and doing other things. When we go to bed at night, it is too easy to lie down next to our husbands, while on the phone, watching television, or even reading a book, all the while forgetting that there is someone next to us that we need to connect with. We have to be attentive and conscious of this and force ourselves to turn off the devices, put away the book, remove any fear, and turn to that man to just spend sometime cuddling. Who knows where that will lead, but quality time is what your marriage needs.

Today, I want you to spend sometime reading and pondering over these quotes. Make sure that you consider every detail of what is being said. Prayerfully dissect the statements and figure out how you can apply them to your life and marriage.

7 Quotes that Inspire Healthy Marriages

“A great marriage is mostly about two people committing to each other and then employing principles such as love, acceptance, patience, forgiveness, sacrifice, and unselfishness, to enrich that committed relationship. Marriage is more about work that divine luck, more about finding someone to love than about finding someone to meet your laundry list of personal needs.” ~Mark Gungor from Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage

” I can honestly say that I have become a better wife -and a better Christian- when I became a better helper. Realizing I am on assignment from God to help my husband opened my eyes. According to God’s plan I was not to compete with Jim. Instead, I am to be solidly behind him and supportive of him. He is the one who is supposed to win, and I am supposed to help make his victory possible.” ~Elizabeth George from A Woman After God’s Own Heart

“What your husband wants is your acknowledgement that he is the leader, the one in authority. This is not to grind you under or treat you as inferior. It is only to say that because God has made your husband responsible (review Ephesians 5:25-33), he needs the authority to carry out that responsibility. No smoothly running organization can have two heads. To set up a marriage with two equal at the head is to set it up for failure. That is one of the big reasons that people are divorcing right and left today. In essence, the marriages do not have anyone who is in charge. God knew someone had to be in charge, and that is why Scripture clearly teaches that in order for things to work, the wife is called upon to defer to her husband. Wives often tell me that if they submit to their husbands, it means burying their brains and becoming a doormat. If you want to work with your husband to reach mutually satisfying decisions most of the time, follow this principle: GO ON RECORD WITH YOUR HUSBAND THAT YOU SEE HIM AS HAVING 51 PERCENT OF THE RESPONSIBILITY AND THEREFORE, 51 PERCENT OF THE AUTHORITY. Tell Him that you see him as having more authority because he has more responsibility before God -the responsibility to die for you, if necessary. My prediction is that the nature of your arguments and disagreements will change dramatically. Once you go on record about his authority, he will not feel you are trying to be the boss. As you submit (which simply means recognizing his biblically given authority), you will not be a doormat. ~Dr. Emerson Eggeriches from Love & Respect

“You don’t have to agree with your partner to be a good listener.” ~Markman, Stainley, and Blumberg from Fight for Your Marriage

“See, marriages have issues because there are two people involved, growing together. If there were never issues, someone should be concerned because that would mean that stagnation is present. Marriage makes you better and it makes him better too. Just look at the issues, chew up the meat and spit out the bones because some of it is just hogwash.” ~Makeda Rodriguez from Being Mrs. Mom: A Christian Woman Wife and Mother Living in the 21st Century

“People who stay married live four years longer than people who don’t” ~John M Gottman, PH. D., from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

“Taking Time to listen means putting aside your plans and concentrating on what the other person has to say. Don’t get defensive if he or she wants to point out a short coming. If you do the other person will stop being honest and communication is lost.” ~Phil & Susy Downer from Optimize Your Marriage

These are just a few quotes from the books that I have in my personal library. I would encourage you to purchase and read them. Also pray over these quotes and ask God to help you understand the message at their core. Seek to grow as a woman, so that you can be a better wife.

My prayer for you is that God would give both you and your husband godly influences that would inspire you to cultivate a long and healthy marriage.

Have you ever wondered how to make your marriage last? I’m sure that if you have been married for any more than a day, you have asked yourself if there are things that you can do to make your marriage successful. You could figure this out by yourself. However, I would recommend that you learn from others that have established long-lasting marriages themselves. My husband and I have been married for over 15 years and, although we are not experts on every marriage, we have learned quite a few things that make us experts in our marriage. I’d say that we are strong bond marriage practitioners. The keys that we have learned and shared with other couples, have help them grow in their marriages, over the years. Today, I’d like to share 10 keys to making your marriage last.

Why you shouldn’t just figure it out on your own

I’m sure that I’ve shared this with you before, but when I was a young adult, I had this idea that I wanted to learn from my own mistakes and not from other people. I was convinced that learning from other people would somehow mess up the understanding that I had for my own life. I want to be honest with you, that was not wise thinking. It is best to learn from the mistakes of others, that it is to learn from personal pain, struggles, and trauma. However, I had to learn this the hard way.

If I were wiser in the early years of my marriage, I would have sought wise counsel regarding the role of a married Christian woman. When I say this, you may think that I mean, I would have talked to women that I knew, so that I could do life better. However, that is not what I mean. Looking back on my early years of marriage, I would have prayed more, studied the word of God more, and sought the counsel of wise women who had been in and still remained in lasting godly marriages. I would have watched the more and asked more questions of these women. Instead, I spent at least three years of my marriage trying to figure it out on my own. Those three years were really hard for me because I was stuck in my own way. I wanted to learn from my own mistakes.

I was constantly saying things like, “that may have worked for you, but I don’t think it will work for me.” I didn’t know that there are specific keys to making marriage last that are applicable to every marriage. I had to learn this the hard way, through my mistakes and trial and error.

You don’t want to make this same mistake. Trust me. It took a lot of praying, crying, and painful lessons to get these principles into my mind and heart. You don’t want to sit up late at night feeling rejected because you weren’t willing to seek God and wise godly counsel about your situation. You don’t want to experience heart ache and pain because you have chosen to learn the hard way, through your own mistakes. You don’t want to reject wisdom.

What does the Bible say about seeking wise counsel?

You may think that seeking counsel will mean that all of the intimate intricacies of your relationship will be exposed to another person and uncover your relationship. However, you need to understand that you must have someone to talk to. You must have someone who is willing to hold what you tell them in confidence, pray for you, and offer you wise counsel. This person must also be willing to hold you accountable for your part in your marriage. She has to exhibit fruit in her own marriage that tell you she is a godly woman of wisdom that can teach you how to love and respect your husband. She must be able and willing to help you be self-controlled, pure, a homemaker, kind, and submissive to your own husband. (Titus 2:4-5)

If you still aren’t convinced that you should seek counsel from other trustworthy, godly women, take a look at what the bible says.

Proverbs 1:5 “A wise man will hear and increase learning, and a man of understanding will attain wise counsel,”

Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.”

Proverbs 19:20 “Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days.”

Proverbs 20:18 “Plans are established by counsel; by wise counsel wage war.”

Proverbs 24:6 “For by wise counsel you will wage your own war, and a multitude of counselors there is safety.”

I pray that you take into consideration what the Word of God is saying about the value of godly wisdom. It is a necessity to a successful life and marriage.

10 Keys to Making Marriage Last

Now that you have an understanding of what the Bible says about wise godly counsel and the risk that you take in learning from your own mistakes, I hope that you are ready to receive these keys that my husband and I have learned over the years. We have to continually apply these keys because being married doesn’t make being married easier.

Life adds pressure and stretches us as people. If we want to remain married, we have to pray and work harder to remain married. I say this because I don’t want you to think that once you start applying these keys, that you will be able to sleep on the enemy of our souls and marriages. Satan will continually try to ambush your marriage, but you have to be wise and prayerful. You have to continually invite God into your marriage, bedroom, and your heart. Take authority over what is not like God, rebuking it from your relationship, and use the keys that He gives you for success in your marriage.

A lot goes in to making marriage last. Start with these 10 keys and watch your marriage begin to transform. You may not like all of these keys, but they are affective and will help your marriage last, if you are prayerful in applying them.

1) Remember that you husband loves you

2) Decided that you don’t always have to be right

3) Spend time, just being there, with your husband

4) Commit to being silent sometimes

5) Never go to bed angry and always say goodnight

6) Commit to frequent occasions of intimacy with your husband

7) Don’t forget to laugh

8) Say thank you and express your gratitude in different ways

9) Determine in your mind that you can take constructive criticism from your husband

10) Challenge him and require him to challenge you.

Bonuses: 11) Commit to remain married and never stop praying

I pray that you found these helpful and will prayerfully apply these 10 keys to making your marriage last to your marriage. If you have any questions or comments, I’m just a message away, so don’t hesitate to reach out.

As married women, we have our opinions of marriage. We’ve seen movies, read stories, and talked to people that all influence our thoughts and opinions of marriage. We all want to be successful in our marriage, but it’s important that we take time to get in the word of God on marriage. For that reason, we are going to take the time to look at some scriptures on marriage.

Please know that I will not be going through all of the Scriptures on marriage, but we will be looking at quite a bit of them.

My Hope for You

It is my hope that you will find encouragement for your marriage journey, by knowing that marriage is good; you will come to understand the obligation of marriage, and find clarity in what God expects from you as a godly wife.

Why Get in the Word of God on Marriage

As you may know, I’ve been married for over 15 years now. When my husband and I first got married, I had no idea what marriage was supposed to look like, let alone, what it meant to be in a godly marriage, as a godly woman and wife. I had a very worldly mindset about our relationship.

I was a believer in both marriage and divorce. I was confused. I was afraid of being cheated on, beaten, abused, stepped on and walked over, as a doormat. My fear of being hurt and rejected left little room for love, trust, and approval. Still, I desperately wanted my marriage to work.

It wasn’t until I committed to learning what God had to say on the matter and allowing that to change my mind, that my marriage was transformed.

An invitation to renew your mind and transform your marriage

I invite you to take the same stance, as we head through these Scriptures on marriage.

Commit to learning or refreshing your memory, on what God has to say about the matter. Also determine within yourself that you will allow the word of God to change your mind, if your mindset is contrary to the word of God.

Finally, determine that you will do what the word of God says.

James 1:22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

What does the Word of God Say?

Marriage is a good thing

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Proverbs 18:22He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.

1 Timothy 3:12 Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.

1 Timothy 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

In the Bible, marriage is seen as a good thing. It is honorable. It is a sign of favor from the Lord and an honor of leadership to men. The marriage bed is a place of pleasure and a blessing from the Lord. It was also encouraged for young women to get married.

The solemn obligation of marriage

The Bible tells us about the solemn obligation of marriage. According to Macmillan Dictionary in legal matters, this phrase is used “about things such as promises that express serious intentions.” An example of this is “Congress has a solemn obligation to vote on any commitment of US troops.”(Macmillan Dictionary)

When we look at the solemn obligation of marriage, we must understand what the word of God is saying about the legality of the promises made in marriage and what it hold us bound to do. In short, the bible tells us the above all there is one thing that we are supposed to do in marriage, remain as one. There are other things, but this is one of the top priorities.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Romans 7:2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

Let’s look at at a Biblical situation that is similar to what is mentioned in a few of the scriptures above.

When the giant, Goliath, was terrorizing the Hebrews and no man would go up against him, Saul declared that whoever defeated him would marry his daughter, Merab. After killing Goliath, Merab was offered to David, but he felt unworthy of becoming the king’s son-in-law. However, Saul’s other daughter Michal, loved David. Saul thought that she would bring David trouble, so he had David convinced to marry her. Later, Saul sent men to kill David, but Michal helped him escape through a window. In 1 Samuel 25:44, Michal was taken from David and given to a man named Palatial. However, after Saul’s death, David demanded to have his wife back. It was the only way that he would agree to be the king of Judah. (2 Samuel 3:13-16) In verse 16, her current husband had to return her and “went alone with her to Bahurim, weeping behind her.” After he returned her, he was sent back on his way.

Regardless of what you think of marriage or what your opinion is, it is important that you subject your thoughts to the word of God. By reading these scriptures, we see that God expects us to honor our promise to remain one in marriage. We are not expected to divorce or separate.

Duty of Godly Wives

While there are many different elements that make up the duties of godly wives, below are the ones that directly stand out regarding the woman’s role in her home and marriage. (We can examine others at another time.)

Esther 1:20 And when the king’s decree which he shall make shall be published throughout all his empire, (for it is great,) all the wives shall give to their husbands honour, both to great and small.

Proverbs 31:27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

1 Corinthians 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:

1 Timothy 3:11 Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things.

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

In these scriptures we see that God desires that a woman honors her husband, regardless of his stature. She is to take care of her household and not to be lazy and idle. She should not leave her husband. She is expected submit to him, as she would the Lord. She is to have characteristics that are reverent and honorable, so that if a man (her husband) needs to be turned to God, his wife would be the one to do it, respectfully and humbly.

I don’t know if you can see it, but we as wives are to be intercessors for our husbands and respectful in character, so that we are vessels of honor before the Lord. Please don’t take any of this to mean that we are to be treated wrong or disrespected. God has answers for all of our troubles, but we have to start somewhere.

We cannot read the whole Bible at one time.

For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little: ~Isaiah 28:10

We must take in the information little by little.

Overall

There are many things that can be and are said about marriage. Most of the time, we hear what the world has to say. It is all fluff and feeling. What I have learned over the years is that marriage isn’t always about how you feel. Love is an action word. When my husband and I took action and got married, we vowed before God that we would remain together and be there for one another until we died.

Some people may not wholeheartedly believe these vows to be true because of the culture, but if they are like I was, a lover of God, then their minds must change. I had to change my mind, commitment level, and own up to my responsibility. No, I cannot change my husband. It took a long time to learn that, but God has a plan for my husband and I’m apart of it. He is also a part of my becoming.

Today we are better because we have remained together and God is with us. This is where the transformation takes place. It starts in the mind and heart of an individual and then seeps into the marriage because you are in it. If you allow the word and God to change you, your marriage will transform, as well.

My husband said something to another family member that blew me away. I had felt it, but wasn’t able to articulate it. Once he said it, I knew that it was true and what I had been thinking all along. He said that “we are family and we have a responsibility to one another.”

This is the sum of it all. Marriage can be many things, but one that it definitely is, needs to be recognized. It is a blessed responsibility to be and become, never be alone, and discover God’s will and love you and your husband.

I challenge you to read over these scriptures, ask God to help you accept His will, His word, and, if necessary, your husband.

If you would like to be added to my prayer list for marriage, please send me an email or submit a comment below. You can email me at makeda@beingmrsmom.com

I hope and pray that you found these scriptures beneficial and that your marriage would be blessed, in the Lord.

It is the end of the week and the first week of a new season, in my life. I have spent the entire week doing all that was required of me and more. My children just went back to school on Monday and I started a new semester in graduate school. Not only that, but I am now in a new program/college, so I’m having to adjust to how things work. With all that has been going on, I have not been able to write as I had desired, but I did take some time to reflect on a few lessons from this week. Some were new lessons and others were reiterated lessons. I just want to share a few of these with you.

These lessons have come from specific areas of my life, but I think that there are ways that they can be applied in multiple areas as well.

As a Woman

With all of the busy-ness in the air, I had to make sure that I stayed on track with what was happening around me. There are six people in my family and it is very easy for me to be the last one that is taken care of. However, when that happens, no one is happy because I am tired and drained. I can’t really support them the way that I need and want to. This is why I’ve had to pray for wisdom and to use it.

Here are a few of the lessons that I’ve learned as a woman. Perhaps, you will find them helpful.

Always have a plan

I don’t know about you, but when too much is happening in my brain, things don’t go well. I am not able to give the current situation 100% because I am too busy being concerned about the other 5 things that I have to do. I may run late or even forget about some other the things that need to be done. For this reason, I believe that it is important to take time, every day or the night before, to make a plan. I believe that it is important to take time, every day or the night before, to make a plan. Click To Tweet Not only do I make a plan, but I get that plan out of my head and onto paper. This gives me a reference point and allows me to focus on the task at hand. This week having a plan, definitely came in handy. My oldest is in high school, my two middle children are in elementary, and I still have a toddler at home. I still want to maintain my relationship with my husband and other close family and friends. Being scatter brain would definitely not help my relationships. 🙂

Plan, but Be Flexible

Although I have a plan, I can’t be rigid and stuck in that plan. There are a few different reasons for this. The first one is the most important. I have shared this before, but I personally know it to be true.

The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. ~Proverbs 16:9

No matter what plan we have, we are not sovereign or God. He has an ultimate plan for our lives and while He does desire for us to plan our way, it is ultimately His direction that we will walk in. I can set 9,900 tasks to complete for the day, but the Lord knows those which I will really accomplish. This is why we must remain flexible. We have to know that He has it all together, even when we do not.

In those times when I had neglected self-care, I would find that I was more irritable and frustrated. However, when I had taken the time to do what I needed to do to take care of myself, I functioned better. My family and friends were more pleased with my presence and everyone is happier.

This week, this was very important. With having to run so many errands and adjusting to the new schedule that we have, making sure that I took my vitamins, rested at night, exercised and took time to meditate on the Word of God, were keys to my week going well. I honestly believe that this is one of the reasons why I am not completely drained or frustrated at the end of the week.

Tests Will Come, but Prayer is Essential

All week, we dealt with different situations. There were new adjustments that my children had to make with their sleeping, eating, and playing schedules because of school. They had new teachers and friends. My schedule took a beating, as we all had to get up earlier and be on a well structured schedule.

On top of the normal things, policies at the schools raised questions that needed our attention. My textbooks did not arrive on time, which put me behind in my coursework. When I contacted UPS, the manager told me that my books were “in a box, on a plane somewhere, about to land and be delivered to me in 24 hours.” 😀

Situations like this come up and we have to decide how to handle them. I had to pray a lot this week. My children were dealing with situations with their friends and teachers, while I was dealing with my University. I could have easily lost my temper, but I decided to seek God prior to moving forward with all of my actions.

This did not require an hour-long prayer. I just simply stopped what I was doing and asked God to help me. I asked Him to lead me, guide me, and direct me, as to what I should do next. Then, I moved forward.

Later on, I took more time to submit the details of my concerns to God in prayer.

The great thing about God is that He is very faithful. When I asked Him for help, He helped me. There were a few situations that He had me to request further attention from the supervisors and others that He directed me to, simply, leave alone.

I wanted to make sure that I was using my time and energy the right way, so I just did what He led me to do. I must say, life was less emotional than I know it could have been, if I had done it all my way.

Rest, Reflection, & Relationships are Key

As a woman, I am a relational being. In many ways I could be considered an extrovert, but I have my introvert ways about me as well. I like to say that I am me, but I realize that “me” doesn’t help you understand what I’m trying to say.

Rest

I spent a lot of time doing and going this week, but as much as it was important that I plan and execute the plan, it was equally important that I rest and reflect on the situations of life.

Each morning, I take the time to sit down and do nothing. I might sit outside in my chair and read or I may stay inside. Yet, I give myself the opportunity to do nothing. If I choose not to read, I just observe the atmosphere and take in the moment of the day.

I have found that this is an essential part to my functionality throughout the day. I realized it even more so this week. No matter what was going on, I had already given myself the time that I needed to rest.

Reflection

Generally, I take some time to sit down and write out my thoughts regarding the previous day’s activities. Very early on in my marriage, motherhood, and life as a woman, I found that it was beneficial to write out my thoughts. This gave me the opportunity to think about the things that were happening in my life without having to share every detail of my being with another individual. While I have trusted relationships, reflection brings about self-awareness and studies have shown that those who are more self-aware are also very aware of others. As we come to know more about who we are, we learn more about the difference between us and God, ourselves and others, and life.

Reflection on life is essential to personal growth. It is one of the reasons why, I believe, that my season of life has changed as it has. If I had not realized specific things about life and my situations, I would not be able to adjust accordingly to the changes that God was wanting to bring about in me. My character has definitely benefited from reflection.

Relationships

It is not good for us to be alone. This is something that God made very clear, early on in the book of Genesis. We are supposed to have relationship with God, family, and friends. Yet, many times the busy-ness of life drowns out the time for relationships. However, I have found that it is very important to remember that not only do we need relationship with others, but they need relationship with us a well.

My husband and children not only desire my cooking and driving skills. They also desire to have my time and attention. This is one of the reasons why I have not been on social media as much as I have in the past. The clicking and ticking of my fingers hitting the keyboard, should not outweigh the amount of time that I spend with my family.

I also have friends that are such a great blessing to my life. They are wise, funny, smart, and caring women of God. I am so honored that God has given them to me and I have come to realize that relationships have to be cultivated in order to grow. If they are not cultivated, they will remain as they are and in some situations, they may even die.

Thus, in the midst of all that I have going on in my life, as a woman, I will continue to make time for relationships.

Next Lessons of the Week

I did not know that this post would be so long and I don’t want to overwhelm you with too many details, so I am going to make my Parenting Tips and Marriage Tips of the Week very brief. Perhaps, I can expand on these in the near future.

As A Wife

I have noticed that no matter how busy life can get there are specific things that I can do to maintain and improve my relationship with my husband. Here are a few of my tips for the week.

Listen & Encourage– Many times, my husband just wants me to listen to him. Many times, my husband just wants me to listen to him Click To Tweet He isn’t looking for me to tell him what to do or how to do it. He just wants to have me as an open ear and heart that is on his side. I take his concerns to the Lord and allow Him to be all that my husband needs. Then, when the opportunity is right and I see that there is room for it, I encourage my husband. Perhaps I just share with him the fact that I appreciate him as a husband, father, and friend. I could also communicate to him through my embrace that he is respected and loved. I find that these two things are very important to building a healthy and prosperous relationship with my husband.

Be Available– With all that I have going on, it is important that I make time for my husband. This might mean that I remain flexible throughout my day to do or be there for him, when he requests it. Now his requests may not always be verbal, but I have to pay attention to the requests that he makes. Allowing myself to remain available to my husband affords us the ability to continue to grow. With this he is continually reminded that I am trustworthy, dependable, and faithful to him. (Of course there are times when I cannot pull away from a meeting or something of that nature, but I must communicate that I will get back to him as soon as I am free.)

Find Something to Laugh About– Life is tough enough. We don’t want to go through the moments without a friend to laugh with. There is no better partner for this than your husband. Listen attentively to his jokes and laugh, when you find them funny. Try to be light-hearted and care free at times. Tickle, wrestle, or just poke him. If he isn’t a touchy type of guy, find ways that you two can laugh together. Laughter makes the heart healthy and brightens up a relationship. Sometimes, my husband and I just look at each other and start to giggle because, well…it’s silly. It helps our relationship to stay fun and can become useful in the moments when times are hard. This week, it was important for us to laugh together. We were so busy and had so many different situations come up that laughing gave us a breath of fresh air.

As A Parent

My tips of the week as a parent are very simple, self-explanatory, and effective.

Listen well– Make sure to pay attention to your children when they are speaking to you. Make eye contact and actively listen to what they are saying. This builds their confidence and helps them to know that they are loved.

Make time for your children– This means that sometime we have to say no to something else, but making time for our children allows us to do things with them that brings the quality above the quantity. Perhaps you could read a book, color a picture, toss the football, or play hopscotch. Doing these things with our children show them that we care and make it so that they don’t feel deprived of our attention

Just Be There. It Means A LOT– Sometimes there isn’t anything to do. Our children want to play with their friends, watch television, or read by themselves. However, the fact that we are in the room makes them feel loved and secure. I have seen this with my children. It is especially true when they spend 8 hours or more, away from my husband and I, in the presence of other adults that are not family. This also helps them to feel confident.

I hope that you have found my tips of the week helpful, encouraging, and inspiring. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on them and how you have or plan to implement them.

Have you ever stopped for a moment to think about who you are and what that means? I know that I have.

Today’s woman struggles with so much. Women of the past wanted the opportunities that we have today, but were banned from having them. Yet, we, as women of the 21st century, struggle with having our God-given roles and the open doors of opportunities that rest at our feet, for the taking.

When we are given so many opportunities, without a clear understanding of who we are, we are liable to run in every direction, unknowingly, attempting to be someone that we are not. However, when we know who we are, we will only make the choices that we are called to make. We will step into the opportunities that fit our call.

Now you might think that I want to discuss with you, who you are as an individual. Instead, I want to take a look at who the Bible says that we are. What does God say about us. This is the perfect starting place. For it is here that we can begin to know the truth about who we are.

Let’s take a what the Bible says about us as women.

The first appearance of a woman was in Genesis 2:22-24 where it says

And the Lord God made the rib (which He had taken from the man) into a woman. And He brought her to the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh.

In this first instance of the woman’s appearing on the scene of humanity, she is made from an intricate part of the man, Adam. She is brought to the man, as a gift from God and He recognizes her as something special. It as if he is in awe. He says this is me. She is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. We are the same, but different; a compliment to one another. Thus, he rationalized within himself that a man should leave all that he has known to cleave to his wife because they are made for one another. They shall become one flesh.

There is a whole sector of women that find this portion of scripture degrading and humiliating. I am not talking to those women. Only God can change their minds. Instead I am talking to the woman who is a wife or wants to be one, someday.

This is the first time that we see a woman in the bible and, I think that, it is fantastic the way that she is presented, both to us and to Adam.

Let me show you how I see it.

God had created everything else in the world and Adam had the opportunity to look around at those amazing things. He looked up and saw the sky. He looked down and saw the grass beneath his feet. He looked around and saw the trees, named the animals, and even was able to take a look at his own reflection in the waters of Eden. He had even been given work to do. He was to tend to the garden of Eden, work and keep it. Yet, in this world of having all that could satisfy him, he felt and was alone.

Stop…

Do you recognize something here? In this place of being provided with everything that He could ever need, this man felt and was alone. He had his needs met, but he had a want, and a longing that had not yet been fulfilled. Then this happened.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone. ~Genesis 2:19

The Lord knew that Adam would still feel alone, but He presented him with the animals of the field and the fowl of the air. He allowed Adam to name them, and he did. Yet, that need was still not met. When he was finished with work, he had no one to come home to; No one to cuddle with; No one with who he could connect with in the most intimate way possible.

In this space in time, when woman had not yet appeared on the scene of creation, in the flesh, the earth was void of her presence. It was good, but Adam, its governor longed for something. He had no one that was suitable to come alongside him and help him in his doings. No one was available to complement him. No one was there to talk to him, as he worked; to encourage him, as he rested; to lavish her love upon him. At this point in creation, Adam had been so full, yet desired something more and only God knew what…excuse me, who that was. It was Eve, his woman.

When we read the bible like this, there should be a dignity that rises up within us. We should not feel threatened by the presence of a man because we are what he wants, at the end of the day. Now, I do not dare to place us, as women, above God. For He alone can satisfy us all. I am only saying that when God was looking outside of Himself for the necessities in the earth that would bring Adam pleasure, He deemed it necessary to present Him with Eve. She was the conclusion, the big finale of His presentation. She was the “wow” factor.

Should we not take pride in being a man’s wife? Yet, society has brought to us this idea that to be a man’s wife and to be committed to him is a degrading thing. We are encouraged to leave the home and attempt to be more than his wife. We are served on a platter of world goods the idea that to “merely” be one’s wife is to be less than because you should be more. Is being a wife not enough?

I want you to realize that you, as a wife, are not less than. You were created for this role, in life. Your part is very important upon the scene of humanity. Regardless of the mistakes that Eve, you, or I make, we were purposed to be here upon this planet in the position that we are in.

As my husband’s wife, I do for him, what no other person upon this planet can do. I serve my husband’s heart.

The heart of her husband trusts safely in her, so that he have no need of plunder. ~Proverbs 31:11

He knows that his heart is safe with me, regardless of the state that it is in at the time. I am able to see in to the depths of his being and to pray for his needs to our God. I am able to see his strengths and weaknesses. Yet, I do not expose him. I encourage him and love upon him. I offer him my respect because it is one of his deepest needs.

If I were to leave my place, I would leave him exposed to the world and the Jezebel like woman. She wishes to give him over to Satan, to dispose of him, and to leave him utterly confused & destroyed. For if she can destroy one man, she can destroy many. For she is being led by Satan to destroy the world, one man at a time.

We as women, want to be needed and wanted, in this world. We want to fulfill a role that can never be fulfilled. We want to do what can never be done and on a grand scale. Have we never stopped to think for a moment that we are already doing that. When we are the women that God has called us to be, we are able to do something that no one else could ever do, hold the heart of one man. The man that God created. That is an honorable position and it is hard.

Let’s not down play this.

I asked God to let me change the world and it all started with the marriage of my husband. After him, I was blessed with four beautiful children. I don’t need to look beyond this call to find something else. It is within this place of accepting my call that God has so graciously opened up other doors for me. He has shown me how and who else I can help, but I had to accept and walk in this first.

I challenge you to know and to identify your place. If you have been called as a wife or desire to be a wife, you have to long for the role of service. Not just to be loved and lavished upon, but to love and to hold your husband’s heart. You have to be willing to abandon all that you know, according to the world, to learn the truth that God has set within you.

It is not foolish to trust the Lord and your husband. It is not foolish to pray that your marriage work and to work hard in it. Yes, the enemy and the world is busy pulling apart marriages, but that doesn’t have to be your story. I am a living witness that this truth starts within us as women. We have to look at the world and the devil, square in the face and say “You cannot have my husband. He is mine.” We have to tell the mountains of divorce, separation, chaos, and adultery to move out of our ways and out of our homes.

This takes bravery, consistency, patience, faithfulness, and trust in God to make it happen. There is a lot up against you, but if you know your place, nothing can take it away from you. You have to pray consistently. You have to fill yourself with the word of God. You have to be willing to turn away from the worldly things, the television shows, the wrong books, the wrong people & relationships. You know the ones that I am talking about. I live in today’s society, as well ,and this is a battle that has to be fought on a daily basis.

We are in a war. It is a war for the our souls and a war for the hearts of men. God has placed us, a band of women in this position because no one else can do it. No one else will love God and His man enough to take a stand and fight the great fight of faith. To protect and serve the heart of man take a woman.

When I first married my husband, I was convinced that he was a great guy. I knew that he would always love me and show me that he cared.

As we moved into our second, third, fourth, and even fifth year of being married, I could see his flaws more than I could see them originally. I considered how I thought he had changed and was determined to help him remember the qualities that he had possessed before, which qualified him for the “great guy” category.

What I did not know was that he had always been a flawed individual, but because of the love, passion, and desire that I had for him, I could not see them.

When we were dating, my husband would show up early for our dates. He would ring the door bell and then patiently wait for me, on the couch or in the car. When we arrived to our destination, we were always early.

Later on in our marriage, he would get ready and promptly remind me of my need to speed up, as I got dressed. He wanted us to arrive early to our destination, but I was taking my time getting dressed.

Before marriage…not a flaw….

After marriage…flaw…

Over the years, I had tried to change various aspects of who he was, but learned that it was more difficult to change him, than it was to change something in myself.

What I mean is that I started to ask myself why certain aspects of his personality seemed to be flaws to me now, when they were not flaws to me before…

He had always been very punctual…nothing had changed about him.

Had I been unaware of the changes that had occurred in my own personality over the years? The more I asked this question, the deeper I dug into the root of my issue. The more I dug, the more I prayed. The more I prayed, the more God began to show me…myself.

He helped me to see that I wasn’t perfect, but He never considered me so flawed that I could not be loved. He showed me that He had actually given me time, as He would continue to in the future, to get past certain struggles and be the woman that he created me to be. He showed me that there were various aspects of myself that would need to be changed before He would consider me mature. Yet that never changed how He saw me. It never changed the fact that He considered me precious and lovable.

Learning to see myself through God’s eyes, helped me to see my husband in the same way. I began to accept who he was and his “flaws” became characteristics that I cherished. Our differences came to be the strengths of our marriage, when previously, I had considered them weaknesses.

Today, I am a more punctual person. Although I still struggle with consistency, my husband’s ability to remain consistent will definitely rub off on me, I’m sure. I consider that my perspective is often times what needs to be changes, not my husband. God will and does work on him, but my job is to allow Him to work on me.

I love my husband more and more each day. I cherish the ways that he sharpens me like iron, even when it’s not comfortable at the moment. When I look back on it all, I am thankful.

If you were to ask me if my husband is flawed, I would humbly say, “Yes, he is, but so am I. We are both human.”

Can you relate to what I have said here? Do you find it easier to identify the “flaws” of your spouse that it is to identify your own flaws? How can you change your perspective and actions to make the weaknesses of your marriage the strength of your marriage?

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On my blog I provide encouragement about daily thoughts and concerns that are on the mind of the 21 Century Woman. I discuss topics like faith, being a woman of integrity & character, motherhood, marriage, relationships, prayer, books and more.