Unbutton your pants and dive right in.

I’m not batting a thousand today, but I keep thinking I should write, so. HAVE SOME WORDS. OKAY. WE GOOD? WE DONE HERE?

I don’t even know what “batting a thousand” means. Like, I know it’s baseball. I know what batting is. Obviously you can’t literally bat one thousand times in a game, so it has to be some sort of… points… system.

Aight. I need to get real about some shit. Posting this publicly scares the crap out of me, but I’m gonna try, because ya know… Accountability? I guess? Also I am the internet generation. We can’t keep things to ourselves.

I’m, like. The size I was when I was 19, right now. And it’s weird. It feels really weird.

It’s probably not that noticeable to other people, but. I’m back to drowning in size 2 pants and feeling this uncomfortable excitement at the idea of maybe being a zero again. A ZERO. A size that shouldn’t even fucking EXIST, you guys. I might be a zero, lol! NEAT!

I mean, anyone who’s met me more than once has PROBABLY FIGURED THAT OUT. But then, I don’t let people into my apartment, and I don’t talk about my job, because there are limits to how vulnerable I can be when I’m so frighteningly aware that I am not emotionally healthy. I have to draw those lines, because other people knowing what I am means I have to acknowledge it myself. And, honestly, that doesn’t make it better. It just makes me want to lock the doors even tighter.

I found this super great and not at all terrible article while Googling some song lyrics, and boy howdy, am I glad I did! It’s all about how to date online, but for LADIES ONLY. Lots of great tips to work with. I’m gonna try it all out on my boyfriend of 3 years to see if I can retcon him into loving me. Lord knows, all my honesty and communication has ruined it for him already, but a girl’s gotta try.