I warned you The whole story isn't like normal Housepets.Yeah, humor is allowed, but i need some serious moments to create a tricky plot. "Like a broken mirror" is something i've create very quickly and disconnected from the normal story... you'll see when the right time comes.

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Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:36 pm

The Broken Fox

Joined: Tue Dec 28, 2010 10:06 amPosts: 777Location: Hungary

Re: [Fancomic PG-13] Housepets! 1X

_Stu_ wrote:

I warned you The whole story isn't like normal Housepets.Yeah, humor is allowed, but i need some serious moments to create a tricky plot. "Like a broken mirror" is something i've create very quickly and disconnected from the normal story... you'll see when the right time comes.

Well a serious/sad story is just fine with me! However, try to avoid jumping from humor to drama, or make sure the transition is well planned and won't leave us just going "WTF just happened, how did we get here?". I think that in this case, TvTropes says what I want to say here perfectly:

Quote:

Fiction often has far extremes. They cover the gamut of emotion, from tragedy to comedy. Sometimes these two will be so close together that they make the viewer's head spin! Done well, the contrast in moods can make each emotion all the more poignant and effective. Done poorly, the contrast can jar the reader/viewer right out of the story.

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Wed Mar 09, 2011 5:04 am

_Stu_

Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 4:44 amPosts: 1570Images: 3

Re: [Fancomic PG-13] Housepets! 1X

Ok, this time, I REALLY need your help I know this one is full of errors, so please, tell me and I'll fix them.Also, I've used sumopaint to do this quickly, so i promise i'll make it better with the right programs Here we go:

AT: Who tells him that it actually is Bacardi Breezer Lime? Fruit juice, pratically.

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Last edited by _Stu_ on Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Uhm, I can't find so many errors, except for "two weeks" that is supposed to be "one week" and the "one.. maybe two bottles" that doesn't mean "un paio di bottiglie".. But maybe there are more errors and I can't see

We never say "What has happened?" for something that just occurred. It's simply "What happened?""I have broke" is incorrect. It must be either "I have broken" or "I broke". Though as with the above error, we use "I broke" for recent occurrences.It's spelled "vodka" not "wodka"If you expect someone to be doing something currently you ask "Aren't you supposed to be doing XYZ", so it's "to be placing" (though Google translates "mettere a posto" as "straightening").We say "boxes of diapers", but then we say "diaper boxes". This is because we don't make our adjectives agree with our nouns."Too bad for this good stuff to be wasted" has no subject or verb. "It's too bad..." is grammatically correct, although, this sentence is still not how we would say it.If you're going to say "I got it" (his plan in this case), it is only as an exclamation "I got it!". For the non-exclamatory version we say "I get it"In the sentence "That dumb.", since dumb is not a noun it sounds like there is a "..." at the end. If this is your intention that's fine, but actually having the ellipsis is handy to let us know ("That dumb...")If "ich" is him hiccuping, we use "hic"It should be "people dying", as they are currently doing so. (If you want it to fit better, shrink the last sentence to "What a waste!" which actually sounds better. Otherwise we would say "Look at the waste here!" which still is... meh)

WALL OF TEXT But I hope it's constructive and helpful

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Wed Mar 09, 2011 1:11 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6327Location: Florida

Re: [Fancomic PG-13] Housepets! 1X

I think Obbl pretty much covered everything, but I don't know. The edited version will tell.

Great update Stu! I can't wait for the next update. But yeah, it took a while for that last balloon to register. This is a good comic.

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Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:11 pm

The Broken Fox

Joined: Tue Dec 28, 2010 10:06 amPosts: 777Location: Hungary

Re: [Fancomic PG-13] Housepets! 1X

'S good! My only comment is that Spike thinks its vodka, yet he's so eager to lap it up...

Thanks for the help, i really appreciate it I hope this one's better.Here it is, better in graphics and translation:

ps: I don't even noticed that i wrote "wodka"

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Wed Mar 09, 2011 2:58 pm

copper

Puppy Wrangler

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:18 pmPosts: 6327Location: Florida

Re: [Fancomic PG-13] Housepets! 1X

That'll do it Stu. Just one little thing, though. It is nothing big, but it sounds a lot better in english to say two weeks later, not two weeks after. It is a little thing, and it doesn't really matter at all.

But again, great update.

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That'll do it Stu. Just one little thing, though. It is nothing big, but it sounds a lot better in english to say two weeks later, not two weeks after. It is a little thing, and it doesn't really matter at all.

But again, great update.

Ugh, you don't mind if i'll pass this time, right? I really have a looooong day in front of me. And tomorrow strip, too

The Broken Fox wrote:

_Stu_ wrote:

ps: I don't even noticed that i wrote "wodka"

In Soviet Russia, word spells you!!!

mmh, you're right, after all

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Thu Mar 10, 2011 6:43 am

_Stu_

Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 4:44 amPosts: 1570Images: 3

03-11-2011- Play nice _ITA_

AT: LUI... ehm, lui sta leggendo Pridelands?

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Last edited by _Stu_ on Fri Mar 11, 2011 3:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fri Mar 11, 2011 3:17 am

_Stu_

Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 4:44 amPosts: 1570Images: 3

03-11-2011- Play nice _ENG_

Hopefully, this one's better than last. Now I had more time to translate...

AT: HE.... ehm, he's reading Pridelands?

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