How First Date Sex Screws You Over

First date sex can either be really great, super awkward, or a single occurrence with the person you are doing it with. Really great first date sex is just that … really great and may even turn into a few more dates that conclude in more great sex. Then, there is super awkward first date sex that you do when you’re trying to get over an ex, or do because you really thought the guy/girl you met and talked to all night in the darkly lit bar was super cute and the future love of your life. So, you get to their house and have awkward-you’re-not-as-hot-as-I-thought-you-were-but-I’m-here-so-let’s-just-do-this-kind-of-sex. Then, there is the most repeated scenario these days: The one-night stand sex, and you will either leave in the middle of the night, or fall asleep and escape at 6 a.m. the next morning. Why is it that waking up at 6 a.m. for work is literally the worst and hardest thing to do, but when escaping a one-night stand, is the easiest action to accomplish and you didn’t even have your alarm set?

My friend came into my office and we had a first date sex debate. She stated, “I never give it up on the first date. I make them work for it … at least six months!” To which I replied, “Honey he can dump you after the first date, or just as easily six months later.” Here is my issue with first date sex: It ruins everything! OK that was super dramatic, but I have made the first date sex mistake a few times in my dating life, and I have come to the conclusion that it speeds up (an often one-sided) emotional attachment without a mental attachment. The one-sided attachment formed is usually on behalf of us, women, because once we surrender our body to someone we do form an emotional attachment to them whether we intended to or not.

There are times when you meet someone and the connection is so instantaneous that you momentarily lose your mind … Really, you are at dinner, or a movie, or the aquarium (yeah I said aquarium because people go on dates there too you know. Don’t judge me.) and you think you have just met the future mother/father of your kids. You can see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person based on the few hours you have spent together, so of course the next thing you do is sleep with them! What the heck was I … ummm … I mean you thinking? When you immediately rush into a physical relationship with someone you cloud your judgement! It may sound lame but forming a friendship with someone really is critical in building a future with them. And trying to get to know someone on a deeper level after first date sex is hard. Men are able to have first date sex and be applauded for it. Women have first date sex and are immediately judged in a negative light. Notice how it’s only referred to as the “walk of shame” when a woman is coming home in the outfit she wore the night before.