I was talking to my father's wife this morning, and she said something that I really wanted to share with everyone here. It was one of those "Ah ha" things that I know you all will appreciate as much as I did.

Background:My dad's wife is one of the most wonderful people I know. She is responsible for me growing up into a human being, instead of whatever it is that REALLY bad teenagers turn into without guidance. She and my grandfather are my two greatest heroes. So when she offers insight, she has my undivided attention.

This morning:We were talking on the phone, and she asked me for more information about an event I was supposed to go to.I said, "Hang on, let me look at my calendar. I have to write everything down now or I just don't remember it.""You know, you really shouldn't say that. You don't want to have comments like that out in the air that way."

I thought at first she was being superstitious. Like when I don't tell my husband that traffic is moving really well, because the rush-hour gods will punish me with a freeway closure.

But she explained it to me this way:It's like when a child is growing up, and their parents constantly tell them they're no good at anything and are worthless and will never be good for anything when they grow up. Even if the child tries not to believe it, their brain hears it and stores it and attempts to believe it.Saying such things about yourself is just as damaging. (Not to mention the damage caused by thinking such things.) When you say it, you're doubly reinforced the concept because youre brain again HEARS it. The fact that it's your own voice doesn't change the fact that you're hearing it. (My own thought would be that hearing it in your own voice makes it even harder to fight.)

It really made sense to me. How many times have I said that I can't cook, and I'm messy and lazy, etc? Many times my self-deprecation is intended to keep me from sounding egotistical. But how much damage have I caused myself that way?

I'm done doing that now. I am going to try to say only positive things about myself, just as I would about others I care for.

I am NOT lazy. I can get a lot done when I'm motivated! The last several meals I've made were really good. In fact, it's been years since I ruined a meal. The things I make are quite tasty, and I've enjoyed making them.

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