Per yesterday's "Comment with a fandom or two I know nothing about and I will summarize it as best I can" game.

dollsome is apparently the judge in this game, because she gave me ALL THE SHOWS so now I don't have to come up with my own. Some of these I know better than others, but as I have not really watched any of them, I decided they were mostly fair game. Which means that some of them will be funnier (read: some are boring) than others. I did leave off GIlmore Girls, Dollhouse and Legend of the Seeker because turns out I know them pretty well and they were extra-boring summaries once I started writing them out.

[True Blood]True Blood: Sookie Stackhouse, as played by Anna Paquin, is a human...or did she become a vampire at some point?...in a constant love triangle with vampires Bill (who got there first) and Eric, whom I'm guessing is the opposite of Bill in every way from appearance to ideology. Takes place in New Orleans or at least somewhere in the South. Vampires war and kill/maim each other a lot for reasons I don't understand, but Pam is the HBIC of vampires. And Lafayette has the best name and flair out of everyone.-----[Don&apos;t Trust the B In Apartment 23]Don't Trust The B in Apt. 23Nice, unsuspecting chick moves in with Satan's actual daughter (who is friends with James Van Der Beek, Playing Himself) because she's desperate to find a place to live and then has nowhere to go after she finds out she's living with evil. Eventually they become sort of casual "yeah, I got nothin' better to do" hang-out friends, and/or the nice chick just becomes desensitized to the constant verbal abuse in a situation that would inspire anti-bullying laws if they were under 18. That, or she stays because she just doesn't want to give up access to James Van Der Meme. I mean, I wouldn't.-----[Warehouse 13]Warehouse 13: A team investigates the contents of the title location, which consists of either magic or supernatural artifacts (historical and/or literary in nature - I want to say there was something about an item from a book?), to determine where they are from and what they do. Also there is some sort of flack because they won't give their bisexual character, whoever that is (female?), a same-sex love interest. Does not seem like a very shippy show, though.----Doctor Who, The Moffat Years[A+ work differentiating this as a new show.]The companions are engaged/marrieds Amy & Rory. River Song is repeatedly confirmed to be the Doctor's full blown legitimate love interest, which gets kind of awkward when we eventually find out she's also Amy's daughter (WIBBLY WOBBLY TIMEY WIMEY; also aliens). Amy herself was some kind of carbon copy for most of season 6 while the real version was apparently trapped in another dimension/planet/part of space/etc. If you are a sensitive feminist, do not watch past season 5 or you will be consumed by the fires of rage at how poorly the women are written/treated.

The part I don't know is when the new companion, Clara, comes in at the end of season 7. She seems pretty cool, but people say that "her only purpose was to save the doctor." Not sure if they mean metaphorically or if she's actually some sort of non-human being who just shows up in timelines to save his life.

[New Girl]New GirlJess, a walking pile of secondhand embarrassment with no shame gland, moves in with three guys who probably forgot to specify gender in their ad, but accept her because she's a hot chick. The guys in question are Nick Miller, who is nice but also a gooberish not-very-smart manchild, Winston,who seems remarkably intelligent (and also sings along to Wicked soundtrack), and Schmidt, a classic casual dater/dumb jock who is now in a relationship with a woman named Cece, who was expected to blow in and out, but who instead has put down roots.

Jess is your classic case of a perpetual 13-year-old (in the sense of keeping a child-like perspective on the world, where it would not be unrealistic if she made out of college without having ever dated anyone because it just wouldn't be an assumed part of life). Doesn't have much luck with relationships until she inexplicably falls in love with Nick.-----[Sherlock]SherlockThe Benedict Cumberbatch version of Sherlock behaves like a socially stunted weirdo - I imagine he walks out of rooms/away from conversations without parting comments, or maybe touches stuff without permision and moves it around without seeing anything wrong with that - but less abrasively than the Elementary version. Watson - assigned partner, or assistant? - is always running after him and trying to pick up his messes while facepalming about why he has to babysit a grown man (who is unfortunately good at detective work, and so earns his keep).------[Once Upon a Time]Once Upon A TimePrecocious 10-year-old Henry shows up at Emma Swann's door all "HEY THERE, I'm your kid you gave up for adoption, but more importantly the town I live in is under enchantment and all the inhabitants are actually fairy tale characters who just don't remember their real selves." The show switches between the real world and the storybook one (not sure how - flashbacks?), but I think it's still a quest to return all the storybook characters back to the fantasy world. It includes every character from every fairy tale, Disney movie and/or myth possible. The strangest part is that Belle is in a relationship with Rumpelstiltsken, a.k.a. A Gremlin, and I am really looking forward to understanding why in god's name they showed up on shipper polls. POLLS WHERE PEOPLE VOTE FOR THEM AS BEING BETTER THAN OTHER COUPLES.

OK, so I'm 90% clear on the premise of this show, but I really just want to express my bewilderment with Belle's storyline. WHAT IS HAPPENING THERE?----[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]Buffy The Vampire SlayerBuffy is a high schooler, at least at first, who somehow finds out she can and/or is destined to protect the world from vampires. Famous for having a lesbian couple (Willow/Tara), although that ended badly. Buffy lost her virginity to Angel and they were everything that is sweet and wonderful in the world until he either became crazy or evil. Good-hearted people like me who love sweetness and puppy love ship it. Spike was her nemesis and they eventually had some kind of hate!sex thing going on. Nutty people who like ships where people antagonize each other until they kiss it out ship it, yet somehow it is the dominant OTP. "Once More With Feeling" was their musical episode and it was the most famous musical episode in all the land. Also, Anthony Head plays Giles, who is sort of her mentor? I can't tell if he's the principal or a teacher or her grandfather or just some nice old dude who likes books and libraries and maybe knows about vampires so she can confide in him.----[Angel]AngelI have literally no idea what made this series different from Buffy, other than that it focuses on a different title character so maybe it has different bad guys. Angel's a vampire, though, right? Like a good one, who protects people from bad vampires? And is this the series where Cordelia and/or Fred and/or Wesley is featured? (Just realized I don't even know what they look like, except I think Fred is a girl.)----crackers4jenn had some good ones, too:

[Hannibal]HannibalThe tragedy is like 3 days ago, I read one of those PowerPoint "here's what you need to know about ___" posts, so that took all the fun out of this one. But prior to that cheat sheet, my impressions were as follows: "Hannibal the Cannibal is a sociopath of a serial killer, which should be obvious to anyone looking at him since he is always smiling evilly. He serves disguised soylent green to dinner guests. The show is extremely gory, so much so that it is unclear how network TV allowed it instead of sending it to cable. Hugh Dancy is somehow mixed up in this mess; Hannibal has not eaten him yet but wants to? I think it's a procedural so maybe the focus is on him trying to investigate the deaths and/or disappearances of all the people Hannibal has done away with. Also Hannibal is a single dad with a daughter and he doesn't hurt her, but it smells like a child molestation story is happening."

[extra impressions based on cheat sheet]Pertinent new info I have learned but which still leaves me with questions includes: Hugh Dancy is an FBI profiler who catches serial killers but does not notice how his best friend is one, Hannibal apparently only kills evil people (I'm guessing he watched too much Dexter and then was like, "I could make this so much more hardcore"), and his daughter is adopted from one of his victims (I have NO IDEA how he knew her father/how he got custody unless she's over 18, but she looks 16 to me). A spectral elk follows Hugh Dancy around (his psyche is pretty fragile). Laurence Fishburne is also on the show; I think he works at the FBI too and/or is Dancy's boss? The most important thing that Tumblr failed to tell me about is ALL OF HUGH DANCY'S DOGS. It also failed to tell me his character's name, come to think of it.

----[Supernatural]Supernatural: Two brothers hunt down demons and paranormal beasties (mostly the former, as they go to Hell and deal with the devil a lot) - carrying on their father's work? The Impala is a pretty central character for a car; I think they travel cross-country in search of the beasties when not in Hell. They are constantly saving each other's lives and get hurt a lot, but Dean in particular has an insane savior complex where his little brother is concerned. It was a fun show at first, and then the mythology began to weigh it down. Fortunately, this is when Castiel-the-Angel (fallen angel?) showed up and everyone in the universe loved him, except a few extra-bitter Wincest shippers. Prone to being confused by humans and taking things way too seriously; Dean enjoys mocking him about it. Something awful happened to Castiel at some point re: becoming evil and/or crazy. But seriously, the overwhelming theme of this show is taking the phrase "go to hell" way too literally.

p.s. all the women die, don't get attachedBONUS: pretty sure this fandom gave birth to the insane tinhat RP shipper phenomenon----[Teen Wolf]Teen Wolf: the two main characters are Derek and Stiles. At least one of them is a werewolf. They have to fight evil from time to time (not sure what kind of evil) while navigating high school as awkward teen boys. Fandom thinks they are gay, but they are not, just best friends.

p.s. I'm pretty sure this show is the reason the meme was created, because based on other peoples' answers, fandom watches a completely different show than the one in the script and then misinforms EVERYONE.

Can I just say how happy it makes me that you refer to JVDB as "James Van Der Meme"? Because clearly that should be his official name.Clearly.

You are mostly correct about TB but for a full summary of atleast the first seasons I refer you to this gif:Now you're up to speed, atleast on the main triangle! :D

I take issue with the term "sensitive feminist", even a very desensitized one should be bothered by the way Moffat writes women (and doubly so about his comments about women in articles/interviews).

You're almost entirely wrong on New Girl, and you should watch it because it's beautiful and amazing. (Winston does sing along to the Wicked soundtrack though, and he is definitely the smartest roomate.)

Sherlock is a socially stunted weirdo yes, but I'd say more abrasive than JLM's Sherlock, if anything.

Pretty much nailed SPN, right down to the "There is a car who gets more respect than any female character" sentiment I saw on Tumblr from someone else playing this game.

What meme are you referring to with TW? Also lol @ Derek and Stiles being the main characters, certain parts of the fandom does seem to think so. XD Which, yknow, I'm totally fine with because IMO the show is basically this badass lady:With occasional appearances by Stiles and Scott for comic relief/BFF-y feels.

hee @ the True Blood gif. I went to check it out on Wikipedia after posting because I realized I had no idea what the actual plot of the show was about, and my mind is still blown with this "telepathic half fairy" stuff that no one has ever mentioned to me. Also the title of the show, which I just assumed referred to vampire royalty. I also assumed Eric was non-harmful to humans but a force of sheer evil (HE LOOKS EVIL) in the vampire wars I thought existed.

Wait, how wrong am I about New Girl? I mean, Wikipedia is sort of opening my eyes ("NICK WAS ADMITTED TO LAW SCHOOL? Did he go to Colombia?" and also "NO SERIOUSLY, I COULD HAVE SWORN CECE STARTED AS A ONE NIGHT STAND."), but it's more entertaining to hear fans explain it.

What kind of weird stuff does Sherlock do, exactly? I can't seem to pinpoint anything specific about why he makes me side-eye him, and the Tumblr that usually posts stuff about that show does not have convenient tags so refresh my memory.

As for Teen Wolf, I meant this meme that I posted - I'm genuinely baffled that Derek and Stiles AREN'T the main characters, because based on the amount of exposure they get, that's like hearing "Lol, Sam and Dean aren't the main characters on Supernatural at all." I didn't even know Teen Wolf HAD any main female characters. I have literally never heard of or seen the girl above. ...and that's actually really depressing.

Hah yeah, well it does HAVE vampire royalty so you're not entirely wrong, and it does look like a human vs vampire war is breaking out any second. Eric is definitely harmful to humans though, every vampire on the show is basically kind of the worst, which makes it really hard to accept the whole "vampire rights as an analogy of human rights" thing they've got going.

YOU WERE SUPER-WRONG ABOUT NEW GIRL, IT'S DELIGHTFUL AND AWESOME. JUST WATCH IT, YOU'LL THANK ME LATER!

Well, depends on which Sherlock you mean? BBC-lock is basically more antisocial, rude, slightly sociopathic and generally oblivious to people's feelings, while Elementary-lock is actually capable of compassion, seems to take a genuine interest in people, is able to navigate social situations. He's still a bit rough around the edges and clearly arrogant (in a justified sort of way - he's the smartest person in the room and he knows it) but he feels more like a real human than BBC-lock.

Wow that is depressing and you need to follow better people online IMO. My dash on Tumblr is frequently decorated with picspams of Allison and Lydia (and the other awesome ladies on the show), the main cast is almost half girls (2 girls, 3 guys). A lot of focus is put on the dudes to be sure, but there's a really awesome sideline in the Argent family (they train their men to be soldiers and their women to be leaders - and not in a sit-back-and-stay-out-of-the-action sort of way) and there are female werewolves that kick ass as much as the dudes. It's better than Supernatural in terms of women characters, by far and wide, for sure.

Regarding BTVS: Giles was the school librarian when Buffy was in high school. This was just a cover for his real job as Buffy's Watcher. As her Watcher, he was Buffy's trainer, researcher, etc., and as the series progressed, he gradually progressed from a mentor role to more of a partner with Buffy.

The thing about Once Upon a Time is, it can be summed up in one simple line: So much potential, all of it wasted.

You take the awesome awesome character of Belle, and basically her entire plotline is Belle/captivity. She is someone's prisoner basically always, often several different someones over the course of a short time. It gets kind of exhausting actually.