Fifty Shades of Shite – Vol IX – The Finale

The final chapter of my Fifty Shades of Grey parody, in which I wonder what it’d be like if Christian Grey was a Dubliner.

Fifty Shades of Shite – Vol IX

Git Grey checked his Blackberry and saw that Ana was off the plane and on her way to his apartment in the Docklands. Great; he hadn’t seen her in a few days since he followed her to London so he was looking forward to their reunion.

Wait till she saw what he had in store for her tonight, she was going to go mental for it. It was always the quiet ones. All that ‘Oh Git you’re smothering me, Oh Git you’re stalking me, Oh Git move it a bit to the left’ was all just a pretence; she loved it really.

Running to the door as the bell chimed, Git’s Inner God adjusted his gooter and leered at Ana as the door swung open to reveal her in all her porcelain-skinned glory.

‘Hi Git,’ she said, a bit wearily, nervous no doubt after the last time she had been in his Playroom.

Mortified, Ana jumped out of bed and dressed quickly, unable to look at Git.

‘If that’s the way you want it,’ she said, ‘I don’t think we can be friends. Better to just make a clean break.’

Grabbing her bag, she ran from the room, slamming the door to the apartment, the sound echoing around the penthouse.

Git sighed and flopped down on to the couch. That was the end of that, so. He probably should go after her, he thought, persuade her to come back to him. The place WAS a bit quiet without her.

Idly, his glance landed on his mobile phone, as he thought about calling her. Nah, probably better to let her cool off though, think things through for a few days, you know how dramatic burds can be. Feeling better and suddenly energised, Git grabbed the phone and tapped out a message. He sent it off to his mates, his former good humour returning.

‘Alright lads? Who’s on for Coppers tonight?’

Git grinned as the replies rolled in. This was going to be epic. And as for Ana? Ah, he’d deal with that in the morning.