Life in the twilight zone that is Tallahassee

MICHAEL MAYO COMMENTARY

If you haven't been paying attention to the Legislature's 2008 session, here's a recap:

Starting July 1, it will be legal to bring your gun to work, but you'll have to keep it locked in your car. No word yet on whether companies will replace Casual Fridays with Winchester Wednesdays.

It's still legal to hang fake bull testicles on the bumper of your pickup truck, but a state senator wants to neuter displays of the so-called "Truck-Nutz" by imposing a $60 fine.

It's still legal for Floridians to have sex with animals.

It's still illegal for gays to adopt, even if they've been a child's foster parent for years.

"Our state is very confused, that's all I have to say," Sen. Nan Rich, a Democrat from Sunrise, said Friday.

Rich has sponsored bills that would outlaw bestiality and allow gay adoptions. Both appear dead this session.

Very much alive are proposed bills that might allow the mention of intelligent design and creationism in science classrooms and a bill that would compel women to pay for and view an ultrasound before having abortions.

"These issues are just a distraction," Rich said.

The real heavy lifting - finalizing budget cuts in a lean fiscal year - is yet to come.

Last year, the Legislature passed a $71.9 billion budget that shrunk to $70 billion because of the slumping economy and sales tax shortfalls. This year's budget will be in the $65 billion range.

That means a lot of pain, especially for those who can't afford good lobbyists. That's bad news for the infirm, poor and most vulnerable.

Rich said she's spent the past few weeks hearing sob stories from parents with children whose programs are on the chopping block, kids with rare genetic conditions and developmental disabilities.

Some programs could be spared if there was a willingness to raise revenue or raid reserves. There isn't.

Republicans control the House, Senate and the governor's office, but they are split by ideological differences.

"When you have the kind of budget deficit we have, you're never going to have a harmonious session," Rich said.

The Senate and Crist want to use rainy-day trust funds to blunt some of the cuts, but House leadership opposes the use of any reserves.

About the only thing everyone agrees on: pandering to voters in an election year. That means a back-to-school sales-tax holiday survived. It's been scaled back to a week from 10 days and will no longer include books, but it will still cost the state $23 million.

"I'd rather fund the cleft-palate program for newborns or keep the 71 child abuse investigators we'll have to lay off," Rich said. "It's all about priorities."

With two weeks to go, things are getting testy. On Friday, the House had a partisan meltdown.

Early in a session that was supposed to end by 1 p.m., House Speaker Marco Rubio stifled Democratic debate of an education bill. The Democrats retaliated with a procedural move that required every bill to be read in full. The Republicans retaliated by pulling every Democratic-sponsored bill from consideration.

Rubio ordered the chamber doors locked and Internet access blocked. Everyone missed early flights home for Passover weekend. There was much grumbling.

"Take a deep breath," Rubio said in the afternoon. "Let's do some yoga."

Instead they did shots of Cuban coffee. The House was still in session past 5 p.m.

Finally. Our tax dollars working overtime.

Too bad this is the year we really can't afford it.

Michael Mayo's column appears Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. Read him online weekdays at Sun-Sentinel.com/mayoblog. Reach him at mmayo@sun-sentinel.com or 954-356-4508.