Fuck the people that say they are thinking of you and then scatter like roaches the moment you show some vulnerability. I'm not fucking Meryl Streep and I'm not getting any awards for Best performance for being normal in front of you.

I get this. One of my best friends and I were talking about another widow's situation. I mentioned that she is a really nice person. My friend agreed, but added that she tended to avoid her because she always seemed so sad. I told her, "Well yeah, losing the love of your life tends to do that to a person."

Just made me think I better keep putting the happy mask on every morning, even for my best friends.

It's terrible right? I remember early on balling on the phone to my father telling him I was afraid everyone else would abandon me because I was crying too much and his advice was that it is tiring for people to see me sad all the time and if they can't enjoy themselves around me once in a while they will push away. Because they don't have that pain and they don't want to experience it. It was brutal and I'm still bothers me he said it. Only shitty people will abandon you or people that cant handle the new you. But there is a certain sad truth to his aweful words. Many people are selfish that way...

Fuck diarrhea!!! Seriously, my toddler won't stop shitting and it's ruining my life right now. I can't send her to daycare, I can't leave the damn house, I'm trapped!! I just want this kid to stop pooping!! She cries non-stop and I'm losing my mind.

Fuck being a single parent!! I need help, I need my husband, my daughter needs her father!! This shit is hard and I'm exhausted!

Fuck the dishes! Fuck the laundry! Fuck the the sticky floors! Fuck these damn Legos all over the sticky floors! Fuck these Goldfish smashed into my carpet! Fuck dinner! I'm tired! I need to get out of here before I lose my mind!

I'm back and even angrier this week. I feel like life is kicking my ass right now.

Fuck this sinus infection that I have!Fuck this pain I'm in!Fuck spending $200 at the Walk-In Clinic!Fuck $105 in overdraft fees!Fuck the asshole adjuster at Worker's comp for sending my check out late and fucking up everything for me!Fuck Presidents Day! (another day I have to wait on my check)Fuck my first Valentine's Day without my husband!Fuck my entire life right now!

Fuck his family members that accuse me of just giving his stuff away when all I did was return some personal items to them. Would it hurt them to just be thankful they have some of his things to hold onto? Gossipy bitches.

Fuck my friend for buying the exact same car (make, model, number or doors and color) as my husband's car 3 months after he died in a car crash. Now everytime I look at it I see my sweet husband dead inside like the car crash pictures. And she wonders why I avoid driving with her. Why are some people so freaking ignorant?

Fuck other people's opinions of the choices I make as I learn to move forward. Fuck your passive aggressive "digs" on social media, your judging glances, and your inability to even fathom what I'm going through. Fuck you for your comments you make to my children, as if I'm not keeping the memory of their father alive for them. Fuck you and Fuck off!

Fuck the fact that being a widow is a full time fucking job, on top of my full time job of being a mom, and my full time job of being a museum professional. Fuck the fact that there is still stuff that I haven't taken care of. Fuck thinking I have shit down, sort of, only to realize it's still a giant fucking mess.