The 'soft' side would be the over all goal of training, being a gentle person and knowing when it is appropriate to switch to being 'hard'.

I have no illusions about my style being a 'hard' style. The point is to harm the other person, there is no 'harmony' with them. Anything that could be interpreted as being 'soft' (if someone was observing class, let's say), is purely for aesthetic value; not for fighting at all.

OK. Gotcha. Ta.

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since all martial arts are on some level just body movements, i think it's an interesting question when you ask about the "essence" of a style.

it seems implicit in the question that "style" is something other than the constituent body movements, something that we can find on a large scale (the judo style) and on an individual scale (kimura's judo style, yoshida's judo style, koga's judo style, etc.)

if a style is an approach to "fighting", to which there are certainly many approaches, then it does make sense to ask what differentiates one style from another. so for kicks i suggest that the "essence" of a style is the idea/concept that guides (and should be present in) each individual practitioner's personal style.

furthermore i think this whole concept of style is an attempt on our part to make the chaotic, frightening mess we call "fighting" into something ostensibly manageable and understandable. this concept of style provides focus for the martial artist's training. so the goal he focuses on might be the effortless throw, the one-punch knockout, the inescapable submission. styles originate to give us a framework to build fighting ability on, just like individual techniques give us the framework on which to develop a style.

... and why do you have a picture of nietzsche? shouldn't you have, like, plato? =P

Also: WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME BY WRITING SO MUCH?

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Can I get credit for implicitly referencing three seasons through a Keatsian negative capability?

You certainly get credit for citing one of my favorite literary theories. If it were germaine to the topic at hand I'd delve into how Negative Capability foreshadowed Karl Popper's ideas regarding the philosophy of science, but that wouldn't get us any closer to the essence of anyone's martial art.