Drafted with the third overall pick by the Miami Dolphns, then suspended for a year for violating the NFL substance abuse polcy, Dion Jordan has been on a journey of self discovery which he shares with USA TODAY.
USA TODAY Sports

SAN FRANCISCO – Like everyone else who walks through the doors of this gym, Dion Jordan had to start by embracing the fear.

Fear of letting himself down. Fear of letting his mother down. Fear of squandering his life, not to mention the talent that compelled the Miami Dolphins to take him third overall in the 2013 NFL Draft, before a series of bad decisions and failed drug tests got Jordan banished over a year ago.

“I’m not about to waste it. I can’t waste it. And I (expletive) love doing it,” Jordan told USA TODAY Sports, breaking his long public silence on a couch in Empower founder Tareq Azim’s office before a recent workout. “Who doesn’t love running out in front of 30,000-plus fans and you get that rush? But it’s also things that you can get that rush from that can be very satisfying and can carry you on to a successful life after football.

“I just turned 26 years old, so life starts to hit you in the face. Who are you outside of those shoulder pads and helmet? And it’s weird, but I feel like it’s a blessing for me at this point in time to think about it, instead of waiting ‘til they really tell me I can’t play football no more.”

On Wednesday, Jordan will apply for reinstatement to the NFL. He says he has been drug-free since well before a diluted sample in December 2014 triggered the minimum one-year ban. He is tested for drugs twice a week and hasn’t missed or failed a test since the ban began in April 2015, according to his agent, Doug Hendrickson. And for the past two months, Jordan has been working with Azim, whose holistic approach to “maximizing humanity” has been embraced by the likes of Marshawn Lynch for its ability to get the head and heart to work together, unleashing the body’s potential.

With so many young stars banned for substance abuse – Josh Gordon, Justin Blackmon, Martavis Bryant, Aldon Smith, Daryl Washington – Jordan is conscious that a successful comeback would set an example. He probably has more to prove than any of them, given his limited production when he has been on the field (three sacks in 26 NFL games). And the irony is Jordan’s belief he can do it is driven by a feeling that, for the first time, football doesn’t have to define him.

“The kid has an intention of coming in as a businessman, coming in as a guy who’s representing himself, what he stands for, what he believes in, what he’s learned,” Azim said of Jordan. “He wants to come in and show that becoming bulletproof is possible.”

'I WAS SCARED'

On any given day at Empower, Jordan is surrounded by a diverse cast – MMA fighters, pro cyclist Andrew Talansky, San Francisco 49ers CEO Jed York, employees of capital market firms and technology companies – with little in common beyond belief in Azim, 34, whose willingness to admit his own fears and flaws is part of the game-planning process.

He confronts his “teammates” with the inevitability of death, what they need to be content when it arrives and the way their fears are preventing them from reaching their ideals, which in Jordan’s case led to “seeking acceptance through a channel that really had no value,” Azim said.

Jordan overcame a lot before getting to the NFL, including his mother’s drug addiction and an accident as a high school senior that left him with second- and third-degree burns over 40% of his body. By his senior year as a defensive end at the University of Oregon, NFL scouts were told Jordan was a leader. The Dolphins packaged first- and second-round picks to move up nine spots, draft him and sign him to a four-year contract worth over $20.5 million.

Jordan says he “never, ever” had a drug problem. But after a disappointing rookie season impacted by pre-draft shoulder surgery, drugs caused problems. He missed six games in 2014 while serving consecutive suspensions for positive tests: one for MDMA (ecstasy) and one for marijuana.

“Like a lot of rookies, you enjoy being a professional for the first time and having that cloud or whatever,” Jordan said. “I realized that’s not what it’s about. I realized real quick once I got in trouble.”

Jordan says he stopped using drugs more than two years ago – months before he gave the diluted sample near the end of the 2014 season. According to Hendrickson, Jordan had been drinking alcohol and didn’t know he wasn’t being tested for that, so he tried to flush it out of his system.

“I had a lot of people around me, like my agent and even older (players) that could’ve told me, ‘You’ll be OK,’” Jordan said. “But I tried to do a lot of things on my own and found myself just (messing up). I was scared and I shouldn’t have been scared. I had nothing to be scared of.”

That didn’t matter under the collectively bargained drug policies. So Jordan was cast into an exile from which it’s easier to list the players who returned (Ricky Williams, Johnny Jolly) than those who continued to stumble. He hung around South Florida until around early October, then moved back home to Arizona to be around family. “I tried to stay in the house,” Jordan said. “Just being away from football for so long – it sucked. It sucked bad. It was horrible.”

Hendrickson sensed Jordan was “definitely depressed” and wanted to get him back into a regimented program of counseling, training and development before applying for reinstatement. So, he asked Jordan to meet with Azim, who’d worked with Hendrickson and several of his clients, including Lynch, Justin Tuck and Marcus Peters.

Since coming to Empower, Jordan has lost 12 to 13 pounds of fat, Azim said, dropping to a little under 270 pounds on his 6-foot-6 frame. His 8-hour weekday shifts include not only two workouts and physical therapy, but reading and doing a good deed a day – part of a program designed to ignite other positive actions and help Jordan continue to figure out who he is as a person.

Under terms of the substance abuse policy, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will make the decision on reinstatement, after receiving a recommendation from doctors jointly selected by the league and its players union who will interview Jordan. He also must sign medical release forms to allow thorough review of all aspects of his situation and adherence to his treatment plan.

Hendrickson said he has no reason to think Jordan won’t be reinstated. “To me,” Hendrickson said, “he should be a blueprint for the NFL system of guys being out for a year in terms of what he’s been doing and how he’s come on of late.”

STATUS WITH DOLPHINS STILL UNKNOWN

It remains to be seen how Jordan fares if he gets his shot at redemption – and if he gets that shot in Miami.

Dolphins officials have said they’ll address Jordan’s status if and when he’s reinstated, which generally takes 30 to 45 days from filing. His contract tolled during the banishment, so it now runs through 2017 with a team option for 2018. The coaches and front office that drafted Jordan are gone, leaving a new regime to decide what to do with him before the fifth day of training camp, when a nearly $1.7 million roster bonus is due. (The contract was fully guaranteed at signing, but that voided with Jordan’s first suspension.)

“I just want to play football,” Jordan said. “Because I got myself in trouble, I really ain’t got the say-so in a lot of things. But I do have the say-so in how I approach every day, how I approach my workout, how I deal with people, outside when I walk the streets, and how I wake up every morning as far as getting done what I need to do to get back on the football field.”

He doesn’t want to make predictions about how he’ll fare if reinstated for 2016, other than to say it’ll be tough to take him off the field. “I don’t have a problem trying to rush a quarterback or dropping back in coverage,” Jordan said. “That’s the easy part.”

The rest is what brought him to work with Azim, who notes he’s not a football specialist.

“I have no magic,” Azim said. “I do very, very basic, fundamental activities that you and I did in middle school. But the one thing I don’t have a problem doing is believing in people.

“(Jordan) was very emotional about his interest in wanting to do his presence justice. He believed in me for a moment there, therefore I have to give that belief back. Until we feel each other’s values not being reciprocated, I’ll ride to the death with the kid.”