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Stopping Breastfeeding

My little man turns one next week and I am feeling more than ready to go through tx again. The trouble is I can't until I given up BF completely.

I have been slowly cutting back on feeds over the last month and now we are down to the night time feed and the odd feed overnight too. My question is how do I stop? The other feeds were relatively easy to stop as I was able to offer a substitute but although he has started drinking cows milk at night he doesn't seem to settle without BF. It is the same if he wakes in the night. Last night he screamed the house down and refused everything (cuddles, singing, back patting) other than BF.

I feel like a terrible mother. Guilty for wanting to stop and terrible that he is so reliant on me. If time wasn't ticking (I'm 34 now and only have another year where I can egg share) then I'd carry on longer but I really do feel that it is time to stop. My sisters BF and all their babies had self weaned by now - but mine seems keener than ever!

Ah, it's so hard isn't it. I BF Freya for 18 months in the end, as luck would have it I was spared having to give up for more tx which is just as well as I was dreading it.

I don't think she would have ever stopped if I hadn't made a point to do so though. Her bedtime feed was the last to go too, I think it's a comfort thing. In the end I bought her some new books and introduced story time instead. So at bedtime one night I just settled her down and read her a story instead and she just accepted it and never looked back. I guess that she must have been ready to stop and she just needed her routine to change and I was lucky!

As for night time, I'm afraid we resorted to controlled crying. Horrid but effective within a few nights. My DH got up to her instead of me and the first night we were awake for a couple of hours but it very quickly improved. I know it's not for everyone but its what worked for us.

I'm sure you'll find something that works for you both, good luck! Very exciting that you are looking to try for a sibling soon too!

Hi CT, I dont have any experience of breastfeeding so am by no means an expert but was wondering if your little one would not maybe accept cows milk out of a bottle or beaker (whichever he is used to) for his last feed rather than the breast?
as he is having cows milk thru the day this way, it may be easier to get him to do the same at night rather than going cold turkey for you and milk all at the same time...at least this way he'd have the option to self soothe using the bottle.

jayden feeds himself in his cot his last bottle of the night and if he does have one in the middle of night I again just give hin the bottle and he soothes himself back off. just an idea, hope it helps.

good luck x

Lisa Lou
ME: 30, PCOS
DH: 32, Low Count

1st ICSI: BFP miscarriage @ 9 weeks
2 natural BFP both lost @ 8 weeks

March 11 FET: Beautiful BFP!! Baby Jayden arrived safe and sound on 29/12/2011, he is perfect!!
December 2012 shock natural BFP!! Baby Shay arrived quickly on 28/07/2013, he is gorgeous!!

How about getting DH to do bedtime routine and introducing something else that LO can associate with going to sleep? A comforter of some sort,both of mine have a Fisher Price Seahorse, they are fab! It will take some will power but you will get there. As for the night feeds could you get DH to get up and just offer a drink of water? You are not a terrible mother, bf for as longs you have is AMAZING! well done!xx
Thinking of more treatment, exciting stuff!

It is such a difficult decision isn't it? I also stopped BF in order to have more treatment. The worse is that there is not even a guarantee it will work so you might give up for nothing. However I felt strongly to at least try. It didn't work first time but we were lucky to conceive our second daughter from our 3rd IVF cycle. I still to this day regret in a way that I stopped BF so soon (you have alrady done better than me!) but I am convinced if I stopped later it would have still taken us at least 2 tries anyway to get our second miracle. I am really happy to have a relatively small age gap (2 years) and now seeing them interact with each other I could not be happier. My older daughter is the most warm-hearted little soul ever and having a little sister really complemented her.

I can't help much in the actual process as I stopped at 6 month old so slowly substituted feeds with bottles. Sending your DH in is always a good idea as he is not associated with BF.

Fingers crossed for your next treatment and don't ever feel terrible you are trying to give him the best possible gift in the world. Love is not about how you feed your baby. Think of all the moms who bottlefeed. Just give him some more cuddles.

I went through a similar thing with my DS. I stopped BFing during the day when I went back to work when he was 10 months old, except for the odd emergency comfort feed, but he continued to BF at bedtime and at night for another few months - I think he was 15 months or so when we stopped completely. I wanted to stop for two reasons: he was still feeding so often at night that I was exhausted and we wanted to be ready for more treatment.

(Btw, in my case treatment meant injections for ovulation induction. The doctor recommended allowing three months after breastfeeding to allow my body a break. In the end my body had a six month break as we had a lot of other things going on for us that would have made treatment difficult. I was anxious about leaving it too long before getting treatment again as we all know you can't expect things to happen straight away, but we were very lucky to conceive again on the first new cycle of ovulation induction and I've now got number two cooking away nicely!)

Like Gracie, I do not think my LO would have stopped BFing of his own accord if I hadn't initiated it, but overall the process of stopping was a bit less stressful than I anticipated.

For the new bedtime routine, we bought a lovely new blue bottle for him, which he loved, and an Igglepiggle, which he loved even more (and still takes to bed with him every night). His Daddy had to be on call for extra cuddles for about the first three or four nights, as it was driving him crazy to be near my boobies but not allowed to get at them! I also wore tops that covered me up well so that we could cuddle close without him diving in for a nipple. I even wore a bikini top when I went in the bath with him for the first couple of weeks, ha ha!

My best tip is definitely to get Dad involved if you can, as while stopping BFing you may feel very emotional, because of the closeness you've enjoyed from it, and perhaps it might feel like the end of an era, but also because your hormones will be adjusting - and hormones can do crazy things!!!! Dad will not have the same emotional reaction to the situation and also will not smell of milk, so it's easier all round.

It might feel very hard to stop breastfeeding, but it won't necessarily be hard for long. And if the crying was too upsetting last time you tried, you can always give it another week or two before you try again. You've already acted on your decision to stop and you're doing brilliantly so far, so you can take it gently from here on if that helps.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

Oh, and don't forget to go and buy yourself a new bra when you've succeeded

Thanks ladies, you've given me loads of good advice. Last night I stopped the overnight feed. It took a bit of a fight and I had to put on DH's dressing gown but I managed it! Hopefully I can keep it up this week and then concentrate on stopping the bedtime feed next week.

He does drink cows milk at night before bed and I do take the beaker up with me but he refuses to drink much as he knows that there is something better on offer. I don't really like the idea of leaving the beaker in the cot with him though. He isn't really attached to any toy or comforter either, although I will see if I can find something special for him.

Bee thanks for telling me you have to wait 3 months after stopping to try again., You've given me an extra spur to stop. I figure if I can stop by the end of this month - a fortnight then maybe I could start tx in September...

First time round J dropped all feeds like he didn't care (and I felt all neglected) L however was very attached to the boob so what I had to do with the last one was moving it to the start of bedtime. I don't know where your last feed features in your routine but mine was always last thing, after bath and story. I moved it to before bath and story so that he wasn't relying on it to get him sleepy, once he accepted this I offered him milk in a cup instead. Can your dh do this for you over a weekend? we found it so much easier if dh took over the bedtime routine so that I fed him and ran and dh went through bath and story, he seemed to miss it less. Then once he'd got into this routine I didn't turn up for feed, he got milk in a cup instead and he didn't seem to notice.

Freya isn't attached to a particular toy even now. Her favourite changes from day to day. I used to leave her milk beaker in her cot (a no leak Tommee Tippee one) until we went to bed and then I'd swop it for water and she still has water in bed now.

It's sad giving up but you're little man will continue to amaze you with what he learns so other lovely things come to take over. Keep up the good work!

I'm so glad this subject came up I'm also struggling giving up bf. I'm trying so hard but he is so clingy it's so hard. He stares at my boobs and climbs on me to them. He's fine when he goes to nursery. So I know it's only a comfort thing. Bed time is the worst as I really can't do controlled crying as I feel so bad. He really gets so upset I give in so I'm really not helping matters but we will get there!

Kazzy we can support each other through it. I am going to try feeding before bathtime tonight and see how it goes...

That's what worked for us, I tweaked the routine a bit so I fed her in our bed during story time then put her in her bedroom, so that feeding wasn't the last thing before going to bed. And one night, I just didn't feed her. She barely noticed

Of course, it sounds easy when I say it like that, I agonised for ages about it though. But like most parenting dilemmas, it was quickly over and replaced by the next one.

Hi CT, I can't help regarding breastfeeding as I only made it to 6 weeks, but we always have milk before the bath, as I'd read in a few places that it would then mean An association being made between feed and sleep. Remarkably DS always fell asleep really well! (Just didn't stay asleep! LOL). We also had to battle the night time feed (albeit bottle) and we started off watering down his bottle (obviously you cant do that with breast milk though) and then just stopped and when he woke dead on time, we just comforted him in his cot, rubbing his back. He did cry and was angry and upset, but it only lasted about 3 days. I guess sometimes they need a little help in the right direction, but are actually ready.

It must be really hard and I feel for you. It's those little milestones they reach and how proud you feel that they've got there, yet sad that they are growing up too!

Good luck with it. keep focusing on treatment and it will keep you strong. There may be a bit of crying, but as long as he knows you are there for him while he adjusts, he will get there quickly I'm sure. It's all he's ever known, but kids are so adaptable!

You're not a terrible mother at all CT!! It is so hard stopping, practically and emotionally. I BF DD1 until 14 months she then got poorly and didn't want it for ages and so she really decided when we stopped, not me. I was so sad to stop. I stopped the night feed at 6 months and had to resort to CC, I really didn't want to and couldn't see how she would ever stop crying but by the third night she slept through and that was it.

I am currently trying to stop the night feed with dd2, have done a week, with one cave. Last night she screamed for an hour and a half, horrible!

Sorry, I'm waffling about myself It is very hard but he will cotton on very quickly I'm sure, just have to be consistent, they are such clever little things. A comforter of some sort is a great idea and sending DH in

I'm having a similar issue in that I start work 20 Feb and I still bf my DD first thing, after lunch and at bedtime, with a night feed that I am attempting to phase out (she finally slept through the night last week, first time ever, and has now slept through 3 nights in last 6). I'm happy to continue morning and bedtime feeds for now (although want to start tx in Sept/Oct so will need to stop soon) but I am really stressing over stopping the lunchtime feed as DD refuses a bottle (always has) and is very reluctant to drink from a cup or beaker. I am worried that if she doesn't have the lunchtime milk that she'll miss out on hydration as she doesn't drink much water either.

Any ideas as to how to persuade her to go onto a beaker or a cup? Or is she having enough milk, at 11 months if she skips that one. She has yoghurt and cheese most days. I've never been sure how much milk to give her, I must say.

Hi Net, I wouldn't worry at all, you will find that once you stop that feed she will just increase her water intake. Using a beaker will especially be easier if she is not around you. Who will look after her? Will she go to nursery? If so, peer pressure will also help her use the beaker she will just copy the other kids. Also bear in mind that kids are small so they need less water compared to their body weight than adults.

Thanks Rianon, she'll be at nursery 2 days and with DH 1 day (I am going back 3 days per week). That's reassuring. We had top resort to CC to get her into a good sleep routine and it only took a few days to get her into being able to settle herself within a few minutes, so hopefully she'll adapt quickly. I'm so sad that bf is really starting to wind down. I didn't think I'd get to 2 months, let alone 11!

Can't give any advice on Breastfeeding but I found my ds liked a cup with a straw instead of a beaker I've no idea why I put it down to him thinking he was getting something more exciting than water lol

Hi Net, I'm sure she will adapt quickly and it will be more difficult for you then for her! Well done for the 11 months I found it sad to stop just because of treatment - but glad that I did as we now also have DD2. A lot of people I know stop around 1 year old anyway. How lovely for your DH to get a day with her, my DH loved his Tuesdays!

Sasha - that's a great idea, heard from others & also reminds me that my daughter loves drinking from water fountains from those plastic cups - anything that makes its fun :-)

I second what Sasha has said, try a straw cup. Poppy took to one well before she was one and she loves straws! Tommee Tippee make a good one that has a valve and it doesn't leak, both my girls have them.

It's hard trying to give up isn't it. Poppy is 15 months and I am still feeding her at bedtime AND in the night if she doesn't sleep through. However, I've no idea how much cows' milk she drinks, I just give her a beaker with her meals, sometimes she has some sometimes she doesn't. I give her plenty of cheese and yoghurt though so I am fairly certain she's getting enough of what she needs. (Can you tell she's my second child and I am not so much of a worrier!)

with everything and it's great that you got to 11 months, I remember you had some problems at the start so I'm pleased it all worked out!

Sasha and Gracie I am going to try the straw idea, thanks for that. I am happy to carry on bedtime and night time as needed, just want to stop the lunch one. Gracie thank you, yes we did have a few issues early on but things settled once she got about 4/5 months. Thanks for your support!