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Thursday, October 29, 2009

..... Wait.....

Sometimes, God tells me to "Wait". Generally, I'm pretty good about listening these days. I spent many, many years trying to force open God-closed doors to no avail. It didn't matter how many times I tried to push and force my way through them, it didn't work. Oh yes, sometimes they opened, but results were beyond "awful".

So, through trial and error and beating my head against many closed doors, I have learned to "wait". It's is not pretty, nor is it comfortable, but little irritates me more than having to be rescued from a self-made mess....especially if I have been ignoring instructions!

There are a few situations that arise from time to time, that I just want to barge through and "fix" myself. "Wait...." He says. I grumble. ".... Wait...."He says again. I grumble louder. "Not now." (or "not you" or "not that way"). Finally, I'm done. My prayers become very specific "God, please fix THIS (since You won't let ME do it!), or disconnect my heart from it".

Then comes the word I hate. "No." He says. "NO?! Are You KIDDING me? NO!??"

"No."

There are no words at that point. There is only the knowledge that, for the time being, the issue will ebb and flow.

"If You won't fix it and I can't fix it, and You won't disconnect me from it, will you PLEASE protect my heart from it - or at least help me to learn quickly so we can move on....?"

And so it has been....

And every so often, I see a bit of improvement - whether it's in my outlook or the situation itself, I'm not sure I'll ever know...