~Domesticated MOMster~

Welcome to the blog of a certified domesticated momster...me(Trista). I blog about motherhood, marriage, and anything else that goes with a side of wine. So please grab a cup of coffee or a glass of your favorite poison and enjoy!

Tag: rants

This morning I kept mumbling that to myself in my head whilst trying to get the kids up and ready for school. I’m pretty sure I mumbled it out loud after telling my 3 year old, for the fifth or sixth time to please go use the potty (because inevitably if I don’t remind her then she waits until she is fully dressed and then suddenly remembers she has to go), I said it out loud and clear after explaining to my 6 year old that YES he must put clean underwear on everyday…even if he doesn’t happen to take a shower that morning…HE MUST PUT CLEAN UNDERWEAR ON! And what is so hard about changing one’s underwear anyway! UGH!

Oh and let’s not leave the 4 year old out of this, who took 5 minutes to decide exactly what it was she wanted for breakfast. Like she literally just stood there…staring into nowhere while me, her mother, is about to lose her shit!

It didn’t help that I was awakened for the third day in a row waaaaaay before my alarm was due to go off and when the light started to shine through the blinds and I peeked through them, and what should appear???…..CLOUDS! Everywhere CLOUDS! NO SUN!!! It’s the end of March and it’s 27*F when we left for the school run.

Which brings me to my teenager, who has his driving permit. He took it upon himself by getting in the car before me this morning and decided that he was going to drive the school run. As you can see I am still here to write about it but let’s just say that his parking skills are in need of help and I am quite certain that the bottom of my front end has some lovely new scrapes from coming in contact with the curb. **sighs and grits teeth**.

9 more sleeps.

This is when a long awaited and much needed, KIDLESS vacation begins. I have checked the weather where we are going and the day after our arrival it is supposed to be 86*F and SUNNY!!! And you know where I am going to be? Laying by the pool, basking in the glory of that sunshine. With sunscreen of course. And a cocktail. And no one saying “MOMMY, MOM, MOTHER, MOMMY, MOM…???”

Now yes, I know that this is going to be the longest I have ever been away from my kids, and I know that I am going to miss them because even when I have a mommy day in the city for 1 day I miss them, but today I am not sure if my cycle is getting ready to start or I am just plain in motherhood overload but 9 more sleeps can’t get here fast enough!!!

And it’s not even noon yet!*Disclaimer: Love my kids to infinity and beyond but today is a “let’s cut the shit, motherhood isn’t always a bed of roses, sometimes it’s more like a long walk on a bed of legos with bare feet” kind of day!

Recently my 15 year old monster M came to his father and I suggesting that he wanted a long board. It’s like a skate board but with a longer board and usually pointed at one or both ends.

Now let’s just say that my 15 year old, like most typical teenage boys his age, often don’t think before attempting to do something they think is “cool”.

Well last weekend he decided to try a leap of faith right down one of the steep hills in which our neighborhood resides. And when I say steep I mean like somewhere between 90* angle and vertical. This resulted in a crash landing and let’s just say the pavement won.

When we bought the long board we also bought him a helmet. But do you think he was wearing it? NO! Of course not, cause that would be “uncool”. Luckily he didn’t hit his head but scraped his body up pretty badly, particularly the palm of his hand which I am quite certain upon observation was missing about 1/8 inch layer of skin. This would be the same hand that last year he scraped riding a skate board down the same hill. You think he would have learned his lesson. Nope, not our boy.

See this guy? He appears to be super cool and guess what? Is also wearing all the right safety gear!
For the past several days he has been applying antibiotic ointment (I must have 10 tubes of that stuff in this house) and wrapping it and keeping it clean. He has also been seeing the school nurse throughout the day to get it cleaned and wrapped as well.

So today, much to my surprise, I get a phone call from the school nurse. I was in Zumba class so I didn’t hear it but I do check my phone in between songs just in case there is an emergency. The number was a school number so I stepped outside to listen to the message. As I am listening to it my phone starts ringing again and it’s my son’s phone number.

I answer.

It’s the school nurse calling me from my son’s number. Before I can even get the words out that I had just got done listening to her message, she starts going on the entire spiel again. For like 5 minutes she is telling me about my son’s hand and that she feels it needs to be checked by a doctor…which she also had put in the message. So I tell her that I will make an appointment, thanks for calling me, and we hang up.

And I am irritated.

For one, unless his arm has fallen off, or there’s a bone broken, or an actual emergency…there is no reason to call my phone twice. Yes I realize that it was just a Zumba class but I would have gotten the message when I was done and called the doctor’s office and made an appt. Which is exactly what I did…when I was done. He has an appointment today.

What baffles me more is that I am constantly reading on my small towns Facebook pages about the fact that there are kids being bullied and stuff happening at school that no one of authority seems to want to get involved in. Yet here is my son, with his scraped hand, and suddenly I am called twice.

So now I sit here, wondering if the school nurse thinks we are awful parents because we didn’t take him to the doctor when it first happened. Or that we haven’t been checking it every night to see how it is doing. Personally I can’t stand to look at things like that, if I could then I would have been a nurse. I can handle just about every other bodily fluid but blood….nope. But he’s also a 15 year old boy who should know if it’s getting better or worse.

I am also just plain irritated because he really needs to learn to stop and think before he does something he finds to be “cool”. Even the friend that he was with, who has ridden a long board for quite some time, said he wouldn’t have tried something so stupid.

So could someone please tell me why my son thought it would be such a fab idea?

It seems like lately all I do is play catch up! Laundry, housework, blogging, the DVR…repeat. Although I am so far behind in the DVRed shows that I still haven’t finished the most recent season of “The Following” and it ended months ago.

It doesn’t help that I have been on 2 camping trips in the past month either. I think I was still playing catch up from the first one when we ventured into the second. And ventured we did.

This trip started out fine and then my father caught a “puking” bug which then passed through every one of my toddlers at different intervals. One being in the middle of lunch at the “Olive Garden“. Luckily I had come prepared with a grocery bag in my purse in case the toddler from the night before decided to blow chunks like the exorcist had a repeat vomiting appearance. The first toddler got sick in the middle of the night and managed to at least make half of it into the toilet in the camper.

The final puking episode came yesterday on our voyage home. And to round the lovely trip up to a glorified completion would be mommy getting pulled over doing 96mph in a 70mph zone. I swear I had no clue I was going that fast until I saw the cop and thought to myself “wow, that’s the first cop I’ve seen today…wait why is he turning his lights on and turning around???…oh shit that’s because I am going 96mph”. **applies break and pulls over** I had trailed behind my husband, who was pulling the camper… all day…UNDER the speed limit, and the one time I speed ahead because I had to pee….I get pulled over! Really?! On the lighter side of that the nice highway patrolman at least lowered the price of my ticket from a whopping $700 to a mere $200. Still not what I want to spend $200 on but it is what it is.

And so now I play catch up. There’s at least 20 loads of laundry that need tended to…my blog commenting has been majorly neglected and with that I apologize to everyone.

Somewhere I have lost my linking up list…probably lurking in the piles of laundry…and without it…I am lost.

And I am sorry.

Please excuse my absence this week as I try my best to get caught up, possibly get a couple new posts written, get my house in somewhat of order, and blow up call my internet provider to see if perhaps there is a reason as to why it takes me 20 minutes for a page to load. I mean seriously…how long has internet been around now and this is the best there is in rural Nevada?

Like this:

Another 25 things that really put me in a tizzy…you can see the first 25 here.

People at bars these days…did I act that stupid when I was young?

When my little monsters decide that they want to nap at 5 in the evening and then stay up half the night.

Anything relating to cleaning. I usually just turn on an episode of “Hoarders” and then realize that my house looks just fine.

Heartburn.

The Raiders football team along with The Chiefs and The Chargers.

My husband’s smoking. Although he is in the process of quitting.

The 1st of the month at Wal-Mart. Have you ever been to Wal-Mart on the 1st of the month? I would highly suggest NOT doing it.

When I order food and they get it wrong. I never complain about it either cause I am afraid they will take it back and spit in it….I do however leave a reflection of it in my tip. I have also been known to leave notes on the backs of my receipts to let them know why their tip wasn’t more. And if you are ever mad about an order from a fast food establishment…call the corporate office and complain! They will send you coupons for FREE stuff!

When a TV show that I love either ends or gets canceled for no reason! This is especially true when I watch a first season of something and LOVE it and then it never gets a second season. And I am just left dangling about what happened. So annoying!

When the temperature gets over 100 degrees. Anything over 100 is just plain hot, hot, hot!

When I am out of wine. This is a shitty bad situation for all of those around me as well.

Recently my neighbors have made me mad asking that my husband and I keep it down in our own backyard. And it was just the two of us!

Sticky floors. Especially summertime when Watermelon is in season and popsicles.

When someone asks me the same question that I already answered a few times before. My husband is notorious for this.

Liars. I can’t stand people who lie. Especially when the truth was so much easier to tell rather then a snowball of lies.

Solicitors. I even have a “No Soliciting” sign on my front door and those beepity beep beep beepers still ring my doorbell. Which then rally’s up the kids and my nerves!

PMS. Probably the cause of this entire rant!

Whirlpool Corporation. You can read all about that story here. I am actually surprised it took me this long to mention them.

Every time that something in my house breaks. I mean what happened to shit lasting? Nothing is made right anymore. Yes I realize I have a large family but seriously so were most of the families I knew growing up and they had shit that lasted for d-e-c-a-d-e-s!

When my kids keep getting up after I have put them to bed. I have a great story about that here. Make sure you watch the video narrated by Samuel L. Jackson. It’s hilarious but make sure your kids aren’t in “ear” distance. The F-bomb is said….A LOT!

Like this:

I am going to say right now that this post is probably going to offend someone, somewhere…but you know what? I am someone who practices my right of “Freedom Of Speech”! And if you don’t like what I have to say on PUBLIC social media then by all means…unfollow me, block me, or do whatever makes you feel better about yourself.

We live in 2015. **NEWSFLASH** It’s a day and age that if you want to…you can post your life, and all of it’s entirety via numerous social networks. You can blog, vlog, post status updates, and if you wanted to…you could film yourself taking a shit and by golly someone out there would want to watch that…shit.

How about the sex industry? Do you think sex doesn’t sell? Are you a moron? DO YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK? Hmmm that must be why it’s one of the leading money making industries. Because somehow no one is “talking” about it or by all means WATCHING IT or even better….WRITING ABOUT IT! Whoa! I mean come on…how do you think you got here? We are all here because two people had sex and created us yet there are still certain people who want to play “hush hush don’t talk about that filthy dirty word called sex“. People want to bash “50 Shades Of Gray” because somewhere in their life someone abused them. Don’t blame the movie…blame the person who abused you! Because let’s face it…what good is getting mad at a “fictional” movie going to do about what happened to you and further more if you knew what it was about then why even bother watching it, if it’s going to stir up that many emotions??? For me, I stay clear of anything that I know is going to disturb me in any way. Granted yes that isn’t much. But there are demons living in my closet just as much as there are living in even to most “saintly” of people.

In this day and age it amazes me how easily offended people are. What happened to “a sense of humor” or having “thick skin”. I surely hope I am not raising my kids to cry every time someone says something that they don’t like. I realize that bullying is a real issue and I in no way condone it….but…yep there’s a but in here…I also think that regardless of where you live, what kind of school your child attends, or how much you TRY to protect them…there is always going to be a BULLY. Therefore, I believe in teaching my kids to be stronger then the bully. Sign them up for a boxing or karate class so they know how to…how should I put it….kick someone’s ass that deserves it defend themselves. Teach them that words are just that….WORDS! Teach them that k-12th grade is only a fraction of their lives and that there is so much more life to live out there and so many more worthy people to meet!

Now I don’t like to call people names give people labels but I am quite certain that these people I am referencing to in this post are what we all call “prudes” and prude by means of definition.com is…

a person who is excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc.

which you know what? I am fine with a person being prude but let me just state here that I have never claimed to be a “good mommy blog”. My name is Domesticated Momster for a reason. There are going to be times that I put on my big girl panties and get down to business. There are times that I am going to tell it how I feel it at the moment and there will be NO LOLLIPOP GIVEN. If anything I classify my blog as humor more then “mommying”. Yes I gripe about my kids and my husband and my everyday life. Those who don’t ever bitch about their lives are the ones that truly freak me out. Like so many skeletons in the closet that the door is about to come unhinged.

Do I feel like I should apologize for offending anyone? No…I don’t…I can be a real bitch sometimes and I own it. But I am also the person who would be your friend till the end and support you in every way I knew possible. I would answer the phone when you called in the middle of the night…well unless I was passed out or the ambien actually worked….other then that I would totally answer that call and then bitch at you for calling instead of texting. But hey that’s just me and I am a person you either love or you hate…there is no in-between. In between means indecisive and I can’t be around people who can’t make a decision about anything. And she lived happily ever after….

Welcome to another great #momstermondays!!! Now I know how much the majority of the world loves Mondays and that is why I have dedicated this linky to everything “RANTY”. Grab your favorite bitch session ranty blog post and get to linking up!!!

Rules are as follows:

Grab my badge below and paste it in the HTML/TEXT portion of the blog post that you wish to link up. For any newbies my fabulous friend Becky at Cuddle Fairy has created an awesome post about “everything linky” It gives you all the information you need in case you aren’t familiar with how to link up. You can read her blog post here.

Please make sure that you comment on at least 2 other posts that are linked up. This is how linkys work….it’s all about sharing the #bloggerlove! Please note that I will be commenting and sharing on every post across all of my social networks. And if you haven’t already done so please follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, Instagram and Pinterest.

When commenting in social media and on other posts please use the tag #momstermondays so that I can easily retweet your posts and find them. You can also tag me on twitter via @domesticmomster or @souzaville007 for wordpress!

Above all else just have fun and discover new blogs! And when I say rant about anything I mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g!

Like this:

Recently I did the “50 Things That Make Me Happy” writing challenge and I seriously found it a dispute with my sanity to find 50 happy self characteristics. Well being the momster that I am I have decided that I am going to write about the “50 Things That Piss Me The Fuck Off”

Stepping on a lego or any other small jagged toy. This one I am sure is on many mommy’s lists. Right up there with stepping on a 5 sided jagged thorn. Or maybe even fire hot glass. I am quite certain that they all feel the same.

When the ice machine in my fridge runs out. That sucker is on speed ice and it still doesn’t produce enough ice for this family to get to the end of the day. Doesn’t help that everyone, but me, in the house doesn’t know how to push the fast ice option when it has timed out. And to add to the problem, not mentioning any names ,Matthew, is notorious for filling a cup up with ice and water and then leaving it on the counter to sit. The ice melts and then it’s just water and by the time he tends to it…it’s warm. He dumps it in the sink and gets a new freshly filled glass of ice water.

My husband when he insists that he’s right about E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. I am sure I am not the only one with a man like that but I would sure enter him in a contest for a new husband money over who does it best. Guess we all want to be the best at something.

Anyone who makes an effort at something and then does it half assed. I hate this!!! It’s a pet peeve with me. If you are going to take the time to do something then please follow through and do it correctly.

Getting my tongue burnt by hot food.

Slow drivers in the fast lane. Although now that I live in a very small town I don’t drive a freeway much and no one is ever in a hurry around here. But my recent trip to Las Vegas was a road rage nightmare.’

When my morning alarm goes off. I hate getting up to an alarm…but on school and gym mornings it is a must.

The dryer signal. It’s a reminder that the clothes now need to be folded before they start to wrinkle. And of course it always goes off right when I am in the middle of something I feel is more important.

My children misbehaving. Especially in public.

When the dishwasher doesn’t clean the dishes. What’s the point of even having a dishwasher if you have to wash everything before you put it in there? It should just be called a dish rinser instead.

No toilet paper. And of course this is always when I have already sat my precious arse on the porcelain god.

Waiting. I hate waiting for anything. But I really hate it when I am waiting on something or someone that is late. Even with having 3 little ones I am rarely late for anything.

The wind.

When my husband farts in the car and it smells like something died in his bowels stinks. He doesn’t roll the window down and he pushes the child lock so that none of the rest of us can roll down the window either. He thinks it’s funny….I however, DO NOT!

SLOW INTERNET! Welcome to rural Nevada where you spend half your time waiting for the internet to work.

My husband’s snoring. Inevitably I try to fall asleep before him usually with the help of ambien or wine mixed together.

When my dog tries to runaway. Every time the front door is left open for any amount of time she darts right out it! And the only way I can get her back is to take one of our vehicles and chase her down until she gets in. Doesn’t she realize that she has life so good here?

Having to update software. This is especially upsetting when it then messes something else up. Create one bug to fix another.

Blue kids toothpaste. They get it over every white surface of their bathroom.

Dead beat moms and dads. Especially the ones who claim to be so good at parenting when they have never had to parent. You can read about my shit storm battle with this here.

Restless Leg Syndrome. If you don’t suffer from it then you haven’t a clue as to how irritating it is and how much it makes me want to chop my legs off at the knee cry. If you aren’t sure what it is then google it or you can read about my struggle with it here.

My kids asking if it’s snack time every 20 minutes. This especially occurs right after I have gone to the grocery store and the pantry and fridge are full of goodies. Like somehow in their warped little minds we are supposed to go through all the snacks in one span of an hour.

When I can’t figure technical shit stuff out. I am self taught with everything that has to do with photography and blogging. Trial and error they call it. I call it F*#K this S#!T! Unless of course it works when I attempt to conquer it. Then I am happy as a pig in shit a happy camper.

Rude people. Especially the ones who work at the DMV. Is it a pre-requisite on an application? Also people who are mean when they drink. My advice to them is just do us all a favor and put the bottle glass down.

Clutter. Therefore you can only imagine how high my blood pressure is with 3 toddlers and a teenager. And let’s not forget the hubby. I don’t think I have mentioned him yet have I?