If you have sex, it doesn't mean yet that you have pleasure

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So…I forgot him, yes. We were getting in touch by phone a couple of times, but there was nothing special. He told that he would like to see me again, that it was a pleasure for him (of course it was a damn pleasure for him!) and bla-bla. BUT I forgot about him as a man and remembered about him as a client. That’s all. Well…I made myself think like this.

It was a good summer day. I had an interview with a client and after that was strolling about the city. Sometimes, when I want just to relax and feel the real Roman atmosphere, I come to my favorite place in Rome which is not far from my house. It’s a little square with a tiny church. And also there is a fountain which is standing in the center of this ‘piazza’ as Italians say. So I like to sit on the stairs of that fountain and just look at people, observe them, observe how different they are – children, men, women, couples…Or also to observe the way men look at women who are passing by; it’s really interesting and funny to watch. So I was sitting and enjoying the atmosphere of my favorite city without having any unnecessary thoughts in my head. I was in my perfect harmony.

And of course, of course at that perfect moment something had to happen…YES, all of a sudden I saw L walking down the square. He didn’t see me and kept walking his way. Oh my God! Something weird started happening to me. The heart started beating three times faster and I swallowed because of the tention that I felt at once. All I was thinking about at that moment was “I CAN’T LET HIM GO! NO WAY!” So I rushed off and started walking fast in L’s direction. It turned out that he was going to the pharmacy. So…suddenly I needed to go to the pharmacy as well. I didn’t have any clue why the hell I was doing it. It was…an impulse. And I couldn’t control it no matter what I had to forget and what I had to remember about this man. So I entered the pharmacy but of course I didn’t approach him at once (I had to act like our meeting was a total accident). The level of my adrenaline was beyond the limits, but in my appearance I was totally calm and relaxed. And after a leisurely perring at pampers, tampons, pads and different medicines I headed for the cash desk where L was standing in a que. And of course it was a BIG SUPRISE for me to meet him. Seems like for him as well. He was glad to see me. It was obvious. We started talking about different routine stuff, he was very friendly and open and…talkative as usual. After L had bought his medicine, my turn had come as well. “Shit! What to buy?!” I started thinking in panic. All of a sudden I forgot all the names of Italian pills that I used to buy. “Shit! Shit! Shit!” And the first thing that stroke my eye was painkillers for women, during the period. “Perfect! Just what I need!” I thought. “‘Buscofen’, please”. Meanwhile L was waiting for me. So we went out of the pharmacy and stopped near the entrance to talk. I was standing there in front of him, smiling. He was smiling as well and was telling me something, laughing. My knees were shaking, no matter how I tried to calm myself down. “Relax, stupid!” I was telling to myself mentally while I was laughing with him. I was looking at L, was listening to his voice, observing his gestures, his stature, and suddenly I don’t know what happened, but I felt like I literally was hit by a thunderbold. Maybe it’s a banal methaphore but I can’t find any other examples that would describe my condition at that moment in a better way. I felt this vigorous electricity and something hit me from inside in the left part of my body. Damn! I thought such things happen only in movies. I thought it can’t be just like this – bang! bang! and done. But ironically it happened to me. Our third meeting – and he shot me…just there, near the pharmacy. I was totally helpless and weak. The pleasureseller was killed.

BUT of course he couldn’t know about it. So I was putting ALL my efforts not to disclose myself. He was asking me about my other clients, I was telling him some funny stories about them. Also as we had friendly relationship I thought that I could share with him some details of my private life. So having a very happy and joyful expression on my face I told him: “Finally first time in these four months I was taken on a real date by a guy who I liked!!!” And actually it was true, I really had this date and I really liked that guy (but of course not like in THIS case). And actually I could just miss this detail, BUT it was the best way to understand if he cared at least a little bit or not. I needed to see L’s reaction. And his reaction was positive. I mean for me it was positive, maybe for him it was negative. He was looking down and his face was a little bit disarrayed. Aaah! I was rejoycing mentally at that moment. “Means that I touched something inside. Veeery good” I thought.

Then he decided to ask me about the size of my clothes out of the blue. “Hmm…Why would he do that? Is he trying to say that some parts of my body are too big? Or what?” I was mulling over. And on my question “Why do you ask?” I’d got a very unexpected respond: “Don’t break the surprise! I want to make a gift” he said in a little bit shy way. Wow! To tell the truth I was a little bit stunned. I didn’t expect it at all…”Well, ok” I thought, “let’s see what it will be.”

So after talking a little bit more we arranged to meet after a couple of days. When I was saying my “good-bye” and was going to leave he said, staring at me: “Shit! I must admit that you’re in a good shape.” “Well, thank you” I responded having my self esteem been raised to the sky. And he still kept staring at me. “Ahh! I can’t stop looking at you!” “Don’t look at me like this!” I responded laughing. Ahhh…these Italians with their compliments. You know that you don’t have to believe it, but this f**king Italian charisma ruins all the protection!!! So finally we said ‘good bye’ and I went home like that stupid teenage girl, in my euphoria.

After that meeting I was totally insomniac. This damn man was always on my mind. I tried to make myself less excited about all this. I knew that it was not good at all. But those feelings captured me. And I was their prisoner. I couldn’t sleep because of him for three nights…until I met him again.

Two days had passed since my meeting with L. Means that a ‘business day’ had come. Honestly I really didn’t know how it’s going to be with him. If with other clients I could understand at once how they would behave, in this case I really didn’t know what to expect. I percepted him as a guy, who’s always in a rush, and maybe that’s why it was hard for me to figure out what he was like in THAT sense. So while I was preparing to our meeting I remained in a total ignorance. My client was living nearby, so we decided that I’m gonna come to his place.

At 8 PM I was there. L lived in one of my favorite areas of Rome in a small, but pretty nice and cosy apartment. What I noticed at once was that today he was totally different, not like at our previous meeting. He was much calmer, he was…much more friendly, he was not in a rush and yes, this time he had different glasses – for reading. It made him look different as well. And to tell the truth I liked that so called…’tuning’.

He offered me to have a sit and told me that he bought some beer for me. Hmm…even if he didn’t buy it specially for me, the fact that he just told it was sweet. So we were drinking beer, sitting in his living room and chatting. As usual at the beginning it’s kind of a phase of ‘breaking the eyes’. I saw that he was trying to make me feel with him as much comfortable as it was possible and I was doing the same from my side. L was a pretty talkative guy, so we didn’t have problems about the topics of our conversation. After 20 miutes, I found out pretty many details about his life. But to my surprise listening to him was not annoying, it was interesting actually. Then we switched to music subject (as I’m a musician it was my WEAKEST point) and…and suddenly I had seen in his personality something new. Something that I didn’t know he had. He was as crazy about music as me. He had a really good taste. And he was one of those few people who could introduce me to something new and qualitative. I need to confirm that at that point he really impressed me, didn’t expect. And there was also one thing…suddenly I’ve got a feeling that he reminded me of somebody. But still I couldn’t understand who. “Ok, I will remember later” I thought…

So meanwhile we continued talking about music. Yes, we connected mentally pretty well, but still there was some barrier on a physical level. We still were sitting on the different sides of the sofa. I didn’t do anything on purpose, no first steps from my side. I was really interested to see how he was going to approach me. So I just was sitting and observing. L decided to show me some music video that he liked. And it was a very good strategy. Because to see this video I had to move closer to him to see the monitor of his laptop which he had on his knees. So of course I moved closer. Aaaand…first contact! Our shoulders finally touched each other! Yeeeeey! We did it! Slowly but confidently we were progressing. Sincerely I don’t remember any client with who it took me ONE HOUR just to get touched with shoulders! But I don’t complain. I liked this kinda ‘gentlemanness’ he had. And of course my cigarette…My cigarette was ALWAYS lighted by him only.

It turned out that L was a guy with a good sense of humor. He made me laugh a lot. And of course as every woman I liked it. There was also new thing that I noticed in him – my client was pretty charismatic. He had this special charm which not every man had. And suddenly I understood. I finally understood who he was reminding me of – the man who was my first, longest, the most painful and of course unrequited love. For some seconds I dipped into the memories of that 7-year period of my life, when I was a teenager and when I was very far from Italy. I was looking at L and couldn’t believe to my eyes. I didn’t think that such things were possible. How come I didn’t notice that before! Similar dressing style. Similar hair color. Similar height. Similar manners, expressivity, sense of humor, love to music and…this special charm. This special charm that I was crazy about when I was a child. That case in my past left a very deep mark upon my personality and upon my life. Of course that feeling to that person had passed, but after that subconsciously in every man I met I was always trying to find the features of that person who made me have the strongest and the most beautiful feeling in my life…And now in front of my eyes was a man who had ALL those features which I was always searching for. And he…was my client.

For a second I felt a fear. Fear that those feelings could come back to me and I will suffer again. But then I thought: “C’mon, girl, you’re a pleasureseller, you’re not that child anymore, you’re stronger! So get all this damn bullshit out of your head and at least once in your life enjoy your client in a full 100%-way and get your money for that!” And actually it worked. I felt much better. And after a 1-minute trip along my memories I came back to my charismatic 39-year old client and fearlessly just enjoyed the fact that he obviously was attracted to me and I was attracted to him.

So finally after 2 HOURS of just talking and laughing we became closer physically. More body contact, more familiarity, more comfort with each other…and finally he kissed me. I felt some kind of hunger in his kiss. I didn’t know if he was a single man or not, but he kissed like somebody who was hungry for a physical pleasure – in a decisive and intensive way. I couldn’t understand at once if I liked it or not. I responded his impulses of course, and I saw that the more I responded the stronger his hunger was becoming. It made me feel some kind of power that I never felt before with a man. And I liked that feeling…

Finally we moved to the bad. Of course I started from oral sex. To tell the truth I heard pretty many times that I’m good in blowjobs, but the reaction of L was the most expressive reaction I have ever seen. He was just getting crazy. He didn’t control his body anymore. His body was controlling him. And for me…for me it was interesting. Interesting to look at him, while I was touching him, look into those wild eyes that were begging for more, feel his greedy kisses on my lips and his greedy strong hands all over my body. I had a feeling like he was trying to absorb me with all the excitement he had inside. His movements were a little bit rough and impatient. One second he was kissing me, the other second he wanted to feel my lips on his dick, the next second he wanted to kiss my breast. I think that if he had 6 hands instead of 2, and 3 mouthes instead of 1, he would capture ALL of my body and just wouldn’t let it go. We continued like this until he came. It was a strong and really long orgasm. When I was watching him during that moment, it was like something miraculous for me, because I didn’t see anything like this before. He’s body couldn’t stop shaking and he was somewhere very-very far from me. To tell the truth I was really proud of myself. If I made a man feel something like this, then I must be really not bad in bed. I think that with this man I had the most intensive oral sex ever. After all those positions that we were having that night, which I think even Kamasutra doesn’t know, I had got reaaaally tired. Damn, this guy destroyed me. But still I was excited. I still wanted to feel this man inside of me, but…BUT everything finished just with a blowjob and didn’t go further, to my regret. I felt like a child who didn’t get her candy. I damn wanted him! But what could I do? L was the one whose desires I was fulfilling that evening, not me…

So finally we dressed up and moved back to the living room. L still was in a condition of his euphoria. His face was literally shining and he was repeating ‘thank you’ constantly. And believe me, I don’t say it to show how cool I am. I write about what was really happening. After all I was very glad that my service made my client so happy. So we smoked a little bit more, talked for some more and time had come to say ‘good bye’. And here the most interesting part starts.

He tells me: “Ok, now I have to give you your gift. How would you like me to give it to you?” Hmmm…interesting question. “Give it to me in a way, in which I wouldn’t feel that I’m getting money for sex. Try to disguise it” I answered, wondering, what he’s gonna invent to satisfy my request. “Ok” he said, “then, let’s do like this – your gift is somewhere in this room. You will have to find it by yourself. And I will help you to find it, saying ‘cold’ or ‘hot’, depending how far or close you will be.” This offer really made me laugh. Again. I admit – it was original.

So ok, the game started. I stand in the middle of the living room aaaaand make my move on my left. “Mmm…cold, very cold” he said. I moved in the direction of the sofa. “Oooh…biiiiig-biiig river” he said disapprovingly. I hardly restrained myself not to burst into laugh. It was damn hilarious! I did move on the right and…”Aaah…small river”, I moved on a right some more – “Aaahh…small hot river.” Aaaaarrrrrhhh…he’s unbelievable! I touched the table and suddenly he said “Oh yes, it’s becoming hot here, I see the fire everywhere!!” And finally I found my ‘gift’ lying on the table under some books. Got it! Yeeeeey!!! I must say that if my first client gave me the money in the most tactful way, then L gave me the money in the most original and funny way.

After our game I was going to leave, but L stopped me saying his ‘thank you’ again, then he took my hand, raised it up and said loudly: “Today for you were playing X and L. Thank you, thank you guys!” “We love you!” I shouted catching L’s game at once. We bowed for our imaginary audience after our…let’s say ‘rock-concert’ then he made me turn my back to the other side and bow to the other part of the ‘audience’. “C’mon we have to bow to everybody, otherwise it’s not polite” he said very seriosly, so of course we bowed to everybody and said our ‘we love you, guys!’ again. The thing is that we were catching each other. I could catch him and he could catch me in all these kinds of our jokes. It was like…like we were reading each other.

But I had to leave. I enjoyed the time spent with L really much. Honestly I didn’t want to leave. But of course I had to. So I said “Good bye”. He said “Thank you” again and I went away with a sincere smile on my face. But as soon as I went out of his house to my surprise, my smile changed to tears. Why? Becuase it was too good. Because he had everything I was looking for all the time, because he reminded me of…

The tears kept coursing down my cheeks and I was thinking: “Interesting, such kind of a man…who can he fall in love with? Who does he spend his nights with? Who can make him get crazy? Who can make him feel that something strong? Who?! Who is that woman?! What is she like?!” I was crazy about all these thoughts. They were cutting me from inside and then I told to myself: “No, don’t even think, X. It can be any woman, but not you. You’re a pleasureseller, nothing more. Men need you only for pleasure and he needed you for pleasure as well, no matter how polite and nice he was with you. He can’t see your personality, he can’t see who you really are even if you show it. First of all you’re an instrument of pleasure. So just be grateful for the moment and forget.”

I forgot…for the sake of myself. I forgot him as a man and remembered him as a client. And actually I managed to do it. And it was right.

When I chat with my clients through email, I tell them that first of all I would like to meet in some crowded place just to talk and to know each other a little bit (so called interview), I send them my photos and ask them to send me their photos as well (it helps me to understand at once if I should make an interview with him or no, in my job I MUST BE ATTRACTED to the man at least a little bit; without this attraction it will not work). Of course not all of them can do it. Many of my clients care about their privacy and actually I understand them in this case, but, anyway, if some of them can send me a picture it eases my working process really much.

So I’ve got that letter with an attached photo. And as always I was very skeptical, ’cause I got used to the fact, that most of my clients usually attract me just A LITTLE BIT but never 100%. I was kinda…’Ok, another man, who I will have to like.’ But in this case to my big surprise I look at the photo and shit! He’s damn hot! I was looking at the picture and tried to understand why the hell he needed to pay for sex. I couldn’t see that man there in all his height, but what I saw was enough to make me feel a pretty strong desire to meet him – these broad shoulders, this typical for italian men dark-greish hair (one of my weaknesses), this manly forehead with a stubble (aaahh…again my weakness!), this confident and a little bit brutal expression of his face and these dark-dark glasses. Mmmmm…Veeery interesting exhibit. I didn’t have something like this before. So I accepted his offer to meet…for a coffee of course.

This day was a really busy day for me. Many people were calling me, I was running from one interview to another, making appointments for the next week and bla-bla. So when I was having one of my interviews, my phone started ringing like crazy. It was a number that I didn’t know. “Ok” I thought “I will call back later.” I didn’t want to respond as I was at the interview and despite the fact that I’m a pleasureseller who deals with a lot of men, anyway when I’m with my client, it means that at that moment I’m concentrated on him only, and nobody else. So I just put my phone on ‘vibration’ and sent everybody to hell while I was busy. But still I felt through my bag that my phone was vibrating and vibrating…vibrating and damn vibrating! Shit! Who’s so damn impatient there?! I was very angry. This damn persistent somebody distracted me so much! And this time I didn’t respond not even becuase I was busy, but to take my revenge for distracting me all this time. If a person keeps calling me like this, means that it’s some kinda, don’t know, extra-horny maniac, who just can’t stand anymore!

Ok, I finished my interview and was on my way home, my phone still was ringing. I still didn’t respond. So I came home, started checking my email and again it rings and rings…”Ok-ok-ok, you won, damn Italian bastard, or whoever you are! I’m gonna respond, because you will never leave me alone!”

“Pronto” I finally answer. And the first thing I hear on the other side of the phone is “BELLISSIMA!” Hmmm…to tell the truth didn’t expect such a respond. And somehow it took all of my anger away. This BELLISSIMA-thing even made me embarrassed a little bit and I didn’t know what to answer (ahh…I’m such a typical woman). I was like…’Eeee…grazie, ma chi sei?’ And at once I heard fast Italian babbling in respond. In that period I was hardly speaking Italian. So I didn’t understand almost ANYTHING what he was telling me. “Scusa, ma non parlo italiano bene” I said as usual. And then he told me suddenly “Ah, you prefer English? Ok” Mmm…even like this? “Yes, I prefer English. PLEASE!!!”

So after some minutes of conversation with this persistent bilingual client, it turned out that it was him on that damn photo. And I was really surprised when I found it out. Because as my experience shows attractive men usually are not that persistent like this one. It made my curiosity about him even stronger. What? What is the trick??? Aaaarrrrhhh… Of course I didn’t let him feel my strong curiosity about meeting him and excitement about his picture, I was just calm and friendly as I am always with my clients. And after all we arranged the time for the interview. Over the phone he seemed pretty nice. On the question “How old are you?” he answered “35.” Perfect! Even not that old. So in next couple of hours my curiosity had to be satisfied eventually.

Time has come. I’m at the meeting point. As usual I was not nervous. I was just standing there full of my curiosity. And finally he comes. He was different from the picture I saw. Not better, not worse. Just different. And also he seemed to me a little bit older than 35. Tall – good. Clothes style – approved. Hair – just like on the photo. But eyes…coudn’t see his eyes. They were hidden behind those dark-dark glasses. The most important part I still couldn’t see…

Ok, we went to a bar nearby to have some drink. “You’re different from your picture” he said. Hmm…what does it mean? Is he trying to say that I’m worse than he expected?! “In what way? Better or worse?” I asked a little bit aggressively. “Not better, not worse. Just different” What the hell does it mean? Ok…let’s go further. This man looked like a person who’s always in a hurry. He was sitting there on a chair in front of me, but I had a feeling that the next moment he will rush off and keep running somewhere else. I could feel it from his gestures, from the movements of his head. Even from the manner he talked. But anyway the conversation with him was pretty easy. He was an easygoing guy. His name was L. His behavior was enough polite and enough confident, even despite the fact that he seemed ‘always-in-a-rush’ person. “So why didn’t you respond my calls for such a long time?” Of course he asked me this question. “I forgot my phone at home, sorry, I didn’t see that you called me” I lied don’t even know why…”Yeah, but one of my calls was refused” shit, why the hell does he care about it that much?! “Well maybe it was my flatmate, who refused it. You were ringing pretty many times and my ringtone is pretty loud and annoying” I lied again. And this really obvious lie eventually made him take his glasses off and show me his eyes which were looking at me in a reproachable way. Finally. Now I can see everything. Well…normal eyes, nothing special. Of course he didn’t believe in my stupid lie, but actually I didn’t care. The purpose of our meeting was not the making of excuses of missed calls. Anyway, I was not the only one who was telling lies there. He confessed that he’s age was not 35, but 39. Actually I understood it as soon as I saw him. But these simple numbers didn’t make me more or less attracted to him. Honestly I still don’t understand what was the point to lie about a miserable 4-year difference…

Anyway, we continued talking. As usual general stuff. Jobs, occupations and bla-bla. Did he attract me physically? Yes, he did. More than other clients. But nothing more. Aaa, actually there was one thing that I liked about L – everytime when I tried to light my cigarette by myself, he was pushing my hand away and was lighting my cigarette with HIS lighter and HIS hand only. All the times that I was smoking during our meeting, he never let me light the cigarette by myself. I could feel some kind of masculinity and domination in this kind of behavior. And I liked it, yes. It was the only thing. With all the rest he seemed like a normal adequate guy, not a freak. But there was nothing special that really could catch me. And actually he didn’t have to catch me. He’s just the one who asked for a service, that’s all. So finally I saw everything I needed. After all my conclusion was: Well…another client; the only bonus is that he attracts me physically and yes, the way he lights my cigarette; in all the rest as usual, just a man. We agreed to meet after a couple of days and I went home without any trace of my initial curiosity…

I was in need of money. Didn’t have any cent in my pocket. So I was in a condition when I was ready to come to the client’s house even without the prior taking-coffee-together-in-some-bar ‘interview’ that I usually do. At that moment I was kind of…desperate and didn’t care who and where. The only thing I was thinking of was money.

Finally I’ve got a call from some man. He had a very deep and low voice. And he was talking slowly. I asked him to meet for a coffee beforehand, but he had some not very clear to me reason not to leave his house. He was speaking Italian and I couldn’t understand everything that he told me. But still over the phone he seemed to be a pretty pleasant person. So I thought “Ok, I will do him.”

We arranged to meet in half an hour. Luckily he lived very close to my place, so I didn’t have to make a ‘trip around the Rome metro’. Fifteen minutes after talking to my client over the phone, I went out.

So finally I enter the building where my client lives, go up on the second floor and…and I see a veeery-very big obese man who’s standing near the door of his apartment and smiling at me, showing all of his 32 teeth framed with a long shaggy, almost ‘Santa-Clous’ beard.

The first thought that I had in that moment was “Run!” I was really appalled and wardless. Looking at this man and imagining me having sex with him, made me feel strong, unbearable disgust. I didn’t know what to do…”Ciao, piacere” I got out of myself, trying to smile. And unlike myself, my client was totally relaxed and cheery: “Ciao, X. Finalmeeente! Che piacere! Entra, prego, senti come a casa tua!”

Well for some reason I let myself enter THAT flat. The first thing that I have seen on the table of te living-room was food. A looot of food. God, he will just explode one day if he goes on like this…The man offered me to sit, but honestly I was even afraid to sit down in this house. I still was thinking how to get out of here in a most tactful way. I couldn’t just say “I’m sorry, man, but you’re too disgusting for me, I can’t have sex with you.” That guy was like 5-6 times bigger than me. And to tell the truth I still wanted to be alive. So I strenuously was trying to find the perfect excuse to escape. Meanwhile I was brainstorming, my generous customer offered me a piece of cake, that I politely refused. And suddenly here it is! The brilliant idea appeared to me…INSIGHT!

As I said my client was in a good mood, he was cheery. So of course leerily he told me that there were no problems, that I could take all the time that I need and that he’s waiting for me. Honestly I don’t know if he understood that of course I will not be back. He still seemed full of joy and full of energy for everything. Or maybe he just was an actor better than me…Who knows. I will never know for sure. And actually I’m very happy about it.

As soon as I went out of his apartment I ran away. This man never called me back. And this is a one more thing that makes me happy.

So having done this mistake, I’ve learnt the first lesson of my job – pleasureseller can’t make any blind deals. Never.

I found my first client through one of dating websites. We were chatting for some time and afterwards decided to meet for a coffee to know each other a little bit more. He was not that good looking, but he was not that disgusting to me as well. This man seemed to me an adequate person, so I decided to make him my first shot. I arrived to our meeting point and…was waiting for him there for about 30 minutes, because according to his excuse he had some problems with the car. Honestly if he wasn’t my number 1, but number, let’s say…11 or 15 I woudn’t stand there waiting for him for 30 minutes. But as it was the first shot and I told myself ‘today or never’, I decided to go till the end.

So finally my first shot had arrived. It was a pretty pleasant man of 49 year old. Smiling, a little bit embarrased, a little bit…bold and just a little bit taller than me. Of course not a man of my sexual fantasies but he seemed nice. We went to the bar to have some coffee. To my surprise I was not nervous at all. And my companion whose name was B seemed like the one who already had such kind of experiences before. Better for me. For the first time better to be with somebody who’s more experienced. So at the beginning we talked about the things which usually two embarrassed people talk about. Like…’How are you? What do you do in your life? Bla-bla-bla-bla…’ And after about 15-20 minutes when we started feeling a little bit more comfortable with each other we switched to ‘business’ conversation. B told me that he would like to spend around 1-2 hours in my company. He told me the price he offered, it was fine for me. So we agreed about the day we were going to meet and after that our look-at-each-other meeting was over.

So after a couple of days B called me and told me where I had to arrive. It was my first time, so yes, I was stupid enough to go for a one-hour ‘trip’ from one part of Rome to another just to get f**ked and to get my money, taking bus, metro, switching metro lines and all that stuff. It’s only now that I understand: if a man really wants me he will pay for the taxi or he just will come, pick me up, take me to the place and after take me back…But as I told it was my first time, so at that moment the only thing I cared most of all was a start. I needed to start no matter what part of Rome it was and no matter how far from my house. I just needed my start. So we met near the metro station and B picked me up there with his car. After that we went to the hotel. And again…to my surprise I was not nervous at all. Totally calm. I think it’s something not normal. C’mon, everybody has to feel some kind of discomfort during the first…sex for money. But maybe in this case I was an exception, don’t know. So we came to the hotel, B switched on the radio on the TV, went to shower, afterwards I went to shower and…when I came out and said my calm and confident “I’m ready”, we started the process for the sake of which we actually had met.

Strange thing happened. B didn’t attract me physically that much. Means that if he didn’t pay me, I would never sleep with him, but somehow I managed to have an orgasm with this man. I don’t know why. Still can’t find the answer for this question. In some way I just switched something in my mind and forgot that I was having sex with a man who was not attractive for me. I just let myself get the pleasure, without thinking…And suddenly I felt THAT. It was a surprise even for him. After we finished he told me that I’m a hurricane. Well…I think for the first time it’s a pretty not bad feedback.

And during our sex pause B stood up from the bed, smiling, and saying “And now the time of roping has come.” To be honest for a moment I felt kind of fear…I didn’t know how to react on this phrase and couldn’t understand if he was serios or not. Well sex-fetishes can be different…you never know. But after a couple of seconds he took from his bag a package with italian sweets. Mmmm…interesting. Didn’t know that eating in a bed was actually possible with a client. And to be honest it was a good time. It was a time when this kind of…”business-ice” started melting and we started a friendly conversation. While talking to B, I realised that what he really needed was a woman who could give him her tenderness, who could listen to him and who could sympathize him. In that case it was me. He was not afraid to share the details of his private life. I felt that he was really thirsty to share it with somebody. And for me it was especially interesting to listen to him, because I really was wondering why the man who had a wife and a girlfriend, and also a sex-friend needed to use the service of a pleasure seller…and the answer was: “I just needed difference.” And that’s all??? Really?! Hmm…maybe men are really much easier than I thought. After our ‘deep’ conversation B looked at me and said “God, how did I find you?” And we got back to the first phase of our meeting.

When we finally finished our ‘deal’ and started dressing up B told me that on a table in the living-room there was a very interesting book which I HAD TO read…To my surprise it was a book with a title “Bridget Jones’s Diary”, but when I opened it I found there my first money for sex. And since that time till now it was the most considerate way to present me my…let’s say gift. I really appreciated that gesture.

After that we went out from the hotel and B gave me a lift to the metro station. Meanwhile we were talking about different things including my ‘job’. Our conversation was easy and unconstrained. We were laughing and we felt totally comfortable with each other. And suddenly among other things B asked me a simple question: “So how many clients have you already stayed with?” …Pause. “Well, actually you are the first one” I answered timidly fixing my eyes on the floor. My first client was so shocked that he even stopped the car because of his astonishment. He was totally numb for about 30 seconds. And believe me, I don’t exaggerate. I didn’t know if this news was good or bad for him. I just saw that he was shocked. But when he finally had got it over, he turned to me, held me and told me his real name, after what I told him mine. “Please, always be careful. Not all the men are like me…”

Since that moment our friendship had started. B became my very good friend who did many things for me, who really helped me a lot and who…used my service one more time. To tell the truth after that time I heard the same phrase pretty often from other clients. Maybe I really have good intuition, choosing my men. Maybe I’m just lucky. Maybe both…

So it was my first and the last number 1 client. That experience was the one and only. Because in anything we do the feeling of the first time can never be repeated.

According to the opinion of the majority of people I’m the reflexion of immorality, I’m the one who chose the easiest way to survive in this world, I’m just a rubbish without personality…in other words whore, bitch, slut, prostitute etc.

As for me, I’m not gonna make any excuses. I had my own reasons to start doing what I do and I don’t consider myself neither a slut or a bitch, or whore, or whatever. I have too much brains and too much individuality to be called like that. I know how to please, how to listen and how to look without taking the eyes off. And also, the most important, I know how to feel – to give and to take. Somebody considers it as a biggest mistake in this kind of ‘job’, but for me it’s a life buoy that saves me from loosing myself while doing what I do. I don’t sell just sex and I don’t sell just a body. I don’t sell my heart and I don’t sell my soul. The only thing I sell is pleasure – exhaustless resource which is always in high demand.

Why did I decide to start writing this blog? Well…you know, the privacy of a pleasure seller is equal in some way to the privacy of a killer – those who know about what you do can’t understand what you feel, and those who can understand what you feel can’t know what you do…

So I’m in my early 2o’s. My name is X. I live in Rome. And I’m a pleasure seller. Nice to meet you, dear reader. Since now on I’m not alone…