My mother invited my highschool bully for coffee...

Well, she didn't really invite him, but apparently he works for a construction company and he recognised my parents and told them he was in my class. They had to fix something in our house so she offered him coffee and cookies. When I got home she was so excited to tell me that Bram, my high school friend (LOL) had coffee with them today. I almost told her that he made my life miserable, but then my dad said that he was sorry to see him look so bad, my dad thinks he uses drugs. (He volunteers for a drug-rehab facility, so he can recognise the signs fairly accurately.) Anyhow, I hated the guy and I still do when I think of him. I was a little bit mad he had the guts to tell my parents we were friends, did he think I wouldn't tell them?

UPDATE 25th May 2010

Hey you guys! First of all, I am sorry for the very late response I was very busy moving to our new home. So, I am very grateful for all your responses. Let me first clear out some misapprehensions, because I might have been a little bit to dramatic with my post.

Firstly: I forgot about his bullying a long time ago, right after I left my first high school and became popular in my second high school. I used to recall things, and it damaged me somehow as well of course. But at the same time it made me stronger as a person!

Secondly: I agree with guys who mentioned that construction is not a bad occupation. All honest work is better than holding up your hand.

Thirdly: Although I agree that drug addicts steal and all, I am sure he wouldn’t. We would be able to track him down in two seconds.

So, what happened after?

I told my parents and explained to them how we weren’t actually friends. I also told them that he was one of my bullies in high school. My parents told me that I should forgive him in my heart, if it wasn’t for him it would be for me. They reminded me of a girl that I called fat in high school in front of the whole class. My mum told me, I felt so bad about it, because I could read the pain and humiliation off her face immediately after I said it. But I apologised and talked to her and she accepted my apologies. So I should consider forgiving without him asking. In addition they also offered to disinvite him and talk with him about it. I told them that it wasn’t necessary and that I wouldn’t be at home anyway. After that I went to my brother and told him about it and we laughed about it together. So, it all ended well. No drama! Sorry ;)

Monir saidI was a little bit mad he had the guts to tell my parents we were friends, did he think I wouldn't tell them?

In your shoes I would have told my parents he misrepresented himself as your friend. I don't know if the bully part would be necessary to explain, but his gaining your parents' confidence by claiming a relationship he never had with you is deceitful, and perhaps was done to gain some advantage for himself. They should be told the truth, so they can judge whether they want to continue using his services.

If your father is correct about his appearance and drug use, then his life since high school has been its own punishment. And tell your parents to lock their doors and windows, and you double check. A common MO for thieves is to gain access to a residence for some legitimate purpose, like doing repairs, in order to plan a subsequent break-in and to prioritize what valuables they'll take. And drug users have no scruples, no honor, no hesitation to steal from anyone. As your former bully, he might even gain extra satisfaction from robbing you and your parents.

Can't do anything about the past except try to not let it rule your present.I feel sad for him and my own bullies because as it turns out, being one didn't work to well for any of them.I say take the interaction with a grain of salt, tell your parents the truth and move on.And won't they be proud to see how far you've come.

Monir saidI was a little bit mad he had the guts to tell my parents we were friends, did he think I wouldn't tell them?

In your shoes I would have told my parents he misrepresented himself as your friend. I don't know if the bully part would be necessary to explain, but his gaining your parents' confidence by claiming a relationship he never had with you is deceitful, and perhaps was done to gain some advantage for himself. They should be told the truth, so they can judge whether they want to continue using his services.

If your father is correct about his appearance and drug use, then his life since high school has been its own punishment. And tell your parents to lock their doors and windows, and you double check. A common MO for thieves is to gain access to a residence for some legitimate purpose, like doing repairs, in order to plan a subsequent break-in and to prioritize what valuables they'll take. And drug users have no scruples, no honor, no hesitation to steal from anyone. As your former bully, he might even gain extra satisfaction from robbing you and your parents.

ATC84 saidHe works in construction and might use drugs. Doesn't sound like he went on to become a winner after high school.

Nothings wrong with Construction, not everyone wishes to be a Doctor, or Lawyer. So really you can quit being a Douchebag and learn that some people actually take pride in the job they have.Granted you, nor this dude actually know if he does drugs, & spilling malicious hersey online doesn't make you any better of a person. Sometimes growing up is the biggest thing we can accomplish. Something you should think about doing

The kind of person who is a bully, druggie, not very intelligent, or just lacking in the empathy department, may truly have no idea what his or her actions did to you emotionally.

His amnesia/self-amnesty over childhood could easily be genuine. In fact, if such personal revisionism weren't a common occurrence in human beings, businesses such as Facebook and Myspace wouldn't even exist. It's what they sell to tens of millions of members every day -- a facsimile of connectedness, an easy cameraderie, a hazy re-imagining of ourselves as all part of one big 90210 Saved By The Bell Friends pseudofamily.

It only increases as you get older. People attending their 50th high school reunion seem to be so pleased at simply having made it that far, that - to mix my metaphors - they become flies in the vaseline on the lens of memory, converting Past Experience into soft-focus Glamour Shots.

Furthermore, adults are notoriously blind to the inner life of children. It happens to most of us in one way or another. We each swear we're going to grow up to be one of those cool adults/teachers/parents who takes kids' feelings and experiences seriously and provides the right kind of support at the right time. But cognitive dissonance is typically resolved in favor of your current social role -- by the time you are actually an adult/teacher/parent, your perspective on the situation is inescapably biased by your personal motives, desires, obligations, self-image, social expectations, and so on.

Did you ever go to day care or walk to/from school? What was it like for you? Think about it next time you're driving to work and you pass some kids loaded up with their backpacks and band instruments walking to school. Do you, from the outside, have any idea what each child is feeling? What do you think is happening? Most likely your adult perception is focused on listening to the day's news or the traffic report or finishing that bagel breakfast sandwich or the meeting you'll be stuck in all morning. You don't really see the individual persons, you just gloss the big picture of: "a bunch of kids walking to school". For all you know, that group of three kids you're driving past is actually composed of two bullies who every morning wait for the third kid at the end of her block and stalk behind her the entire way calling her ugly names and sometimes tripping/pushing her and threatening to beat her up if she doesn't show them her newly budded boobs.

This is daily reality for many kids, and for some young persons it is even an excruciatingly hourly experience which chases them from the moment they walk out the door in the morning until they flee home in the afternoon. But as adults we tend not to see it at all or take it seriously when we do notice it, because it gets all covered up with free-floating social idylls (heavily reinforced in television advertising) of "kids enjoying recess", "kids playing soccer in the street", "kids playing tag in the park", etc. We need a visible holding place for our myths of Edenic innocence to preserve the appearance of a neat, dependable social order in our own personal fable. If we admit that children aren't "little adults", but are human beings on a growth path just like we are, then we risk catching glimpse of the pervasive wild animal chaos lurking under the veneer of the Everyday.

From my own personal experience bullying nearly destroyed me as a kid. My bullies put me into at least a couple of situations where I was nearly killed. This leaves mental scars... And to this day, at the age of 41, I still have flashbacks to some of those events...

Bullying is not something limited to children either. I work in an environment where there are more than a few bullies and I know that their actions have a serious impact on the victims.

I wish they could understand that their actions may just help to push someone over the edge. I work in Human Resources and in that role I have been exposed to some very sad stories relating to bullying.

I hope and pray that the bullies who worked so hard at making my childhood and school life a complete misery get theirs on judgement day.

Hmm, that's funny. I remember in high school there was a small group of jock guys who weren't exactly bullies... but we ran into a... conflict.. because I have a big mouth and can be lippy and don't really care who you are... and they apparently had a problem with that. there was some harassment... but then I realized... in 15 years, they'll be paving my driveway.

not that there is anything wrong with construction or paving driveways. where would we be without it? but... they too, have drug problems now.

well, i told the one guy who was the most trouble for me that he was "destined for mediocrity" and he didn't even get it, so he was well on his way.

I really only had bullies in elementary school. and then I became one. haha. kidding, but not really, maybe, i dunno.