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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

clinging

I've hesitated to write because I'm so much in the middle of it. But God's been so faithful in the midst, that I had to share this one thing.

One way that Satan pokes at me is to convince me that I will slip, spin, and spiral back into that black void of hopelessness and despair that almost swallowed my very heartbeat. So in times when emotions run high and tears run free, I become frantic - clawing like a kitty on the drapes so as not to fall back into old habits, old thought patterns, and old defeat. Most of the time, when I push the kids down into the living room so that I can cry in peace, I whimper out to God, "I'm not strong enough..." And instead of mocking my frailty, He answers, "I know".

At my Tuesday morning Bible study, Hearts Omaha, we talked about the discipline of meditation. How powerful it is to meditate upon the Word of God and the promises He makes to those who will dwell on His words. Ann Voskamp, author of the amazing blog, A Holy Experience, said, "All the heart knows is what it know by heart". She writes "Repetition is the way we revive a failing faith, the slow pumping of life into the lungs, again, again, with the breath of His Words."

That's what meditating on God's Word has meant to me this week - the repetition of His words of comfort and Grace. And so, more than once a day - more like every time I reach out my heartstrings searching for a lifeline, He says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

This is the meditation of my heart through the tantrums and trials. Through the times when I simply cannot will myself to stand up and put one more bead on a string, or even drive through a fast food restaurant to feed my family, I roll over and over in my heart,

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."(2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV)

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Welcome!

I'm a young midwestern mom of three, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and disciple of Jesus Christ. My life, like most, is a cacophony of thrills, defeats, and moments of stillness. By faith in the unchanging One, I've been given a new life, a new hope, and an anchor for my soul. God teaches me so much in the things He brings me through, and I humbly share what I am learning here. I invite you to read, study, pray, and question right along with me. To the One who gets all of the Glory...