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Thursday, 6 September 2012

I've been thinking about it for awhile. It always bother me.Back the days, I didn't gave much attention to it but now that it keeps appear in my mind I can't help but to think about it. As i keep thinking about it, it appear to be not just something but it had become hmm if i need to put it in easy way to understand it will be something called problem. It bothers me. Sometimes way too much. To make things worse I don't have the gut to voice this out. Not even to anyone. Sometimes I wish everything will be okay only by crying. But I know things won't work that way so I hold back my tears. Maybe the tears is not worth to be spill out for something like this. As i don't have any other way I decide to come here and write something. Not because i want the whole world to know that i have some the so called problem but i just will feel better by doing this. Writing. Also not because i want someone to come and console me that everything is okay. I don't want that too. I don't know. I did everything that i could to fulfill the thing that everybody call responsibility. Maybe i'm not perfect but please believe that i try to do my best. Always. Or maybe my best is not enough. I try my best not to bring up what i have done since i do that not for rewards nor recognization. But since i'm a human with heart sometimes i'm hurt too. When i have to went through those kind of situation, my heart hurts. After a few times going trough the same situation me sometimes also feel like crying and shouting to the whole world telling everybody that here i am, a human, with heart and now i'm hurting. But here i am, keeping everything inside so that nobody will get hurt because of me. Sometimes i'm tired and afraid. Afraid that someday everything will be bottled up and i will explode. I don't know. I thought i'm the one who act too sensitive until I heard that. Yeah i heard something that put my heart a lil bit at ease. I will try to keep calm and try my very best. I hope things will go well. I can't afford to be hurt again. I'm not even in love, but my heart just have too much scars already. So please spare me. Butakhae.