I’m happy to organise the Ladies entry into some sort of Summer League Competition this year, mainly for selfish reasons. If I stop playing during the summer, I’ll never be able to start again.

I’ll be looking into venues – maybe Thornbury again as it’s so convenient, or possibly Coombe Dingle or even Newent – open to any suggestions.

I’ll create a facebook group that you have to join if you’re interested. It will probably be a closed group so that I know who has joined but everyone will be able to see it. If you don’t do facebook, no problem, contact me direct.

In the past, the summer league has been a great opportunity to mix up all of the Ladies teams and to meet new players who may be keen to join us or return to hockey.

This friendly friendly was a much needed opportunity to dust off the Christmas cobwebs and run off a few mincepies. After Sarah’s Magical Mystery Tour of Gloucester’s hockey pitches (including the happy discovery of a Fun Factory) there was little time left for a warm-up but the team started the game with a positive attitude.

Unfortunately the Oxstalls pitch turned out to be 50% astro turf and 50% ice rink resulting in a few bruised bottoms. However, Lydney persevered and drew blood first with a neat goal by Grace Cox that was cooly worked round the keeper with the assistance of her teammates in and around the ‘D’ (but not before the ball had come up an opposition stick and contentiously bounced off her shoulder though).

Fast on the break and dangerous when they got loose, Badgers retaliated, capitalising on a moment of indecision at the last minute by Lydney keeper, Karen Alexander, resulting in an equalising goal.

Both teams fought on hard to scrape a win but neither were successful. Jess was heartly wiped-out at one point but continued to play well earning her Man of the Match by a sweeping number of votes.

Things of Note:

Number of pitches visited: 2

Number of Lydney players who landed on their backside: 3 (Meg of course, Liz and Jess)

Variety of economy versions of well-known chocolate snacks provided in the ‘picnic-style’ teas: 3 (See below. Can you guess what they are?)

This was a strange and frustrating game on a bobbly new pitch against top of the table, Wooton. Lydney were expecting a tough game so were surprised to find themselves the stronger team in the first half, dominating a lot of the play. Pressure by the midfields and forwards got the ball to the ‘D’ and struck, but it was left by the goalie to pass over the goal line as she hasn’t seen that the last touch on it had been a defensive one by one of her team mates. Unfortunately the umpire didn’t see it either (as under the new rules this would have been an own goal).

Umpires can’t be expected to see everything though, just as every player can’t, and there are always occasions when this works for you instead of against you. As a team, I think that Lydney did well to put this behind them and play on, which they did, dictating a lot of the play.

However, when the opposition gained possession they switched a lot making marking hard and as a result they were able to make a few dangerous breaks resulting in a goal before half time. Lydney were forced to defend a handful of shorts throughout the game, with few of their own. When they regained possession they found that they were well marked and hitting ‘through’ opposition players proved to be unsuccessful.

Wotton were organised and knew where to position themselves on the pitch. They took hits and sideline balls straight away which made them fast on the attack and they kept one forward very high. This paid off for them in the second half as she was well placed for a deflection that brought the score to 2-0.

Lydney were unable to play the neat, passing game that has worked well for them in previous matches and the opposition were good at picking up loose balls and charging passes down fast. At one point the ball hit an opposition foot in the ‘D’ but sadly no short was given. There may have been a reason for this but the players close to the action couldn’t see it.

So all-in-all a frustrating game, but one where I feel that useful things were learned about the opposition. The post-Christmas rematch will be Lydney II’s last league game of the season and one that I think they will be ready and hungry for.

Things of Note:

Jane’s shouting – plenty of this…but it didn’t do her MoM votes any harm as she came out on top, even when her vote for herself was rescinded after an Official Warning (with use of badge) from Sergeant Slugg).

Grace trying to pass off her mid-game collagen lip filler as the result of a ball to the face. Grace, we’re not buying it. We’re especially not buying it if the results are that bad – all in the middle of the lips with none at the edges. Rubbish. Respect to the pub though for their ability to recognise a comic opportunity when it ups and smacks them in the face by produce these crisps (even if they did have to run to the cellar to get them):

Several men (and going on the stats, several women too) in the greater Gloucestershire area were denied the treat of Karen’s unrestrained (and now quite famous) ‘mammary assets’ as having forgotten to pack a clean bra opted to re-wear her one from the game. I can still hear the echo of sorrowful howls reverberating around building sites in the county.

The opposition were substantially more pleasant (can we say that?) than the team they are sharing the top spot with, despite putting us in the men’s changing room! (Actually not that bad – thanks Bridget for the heads-up).

Thank you as well to Dave Penney for umpiring.

…and to Laura Mahon for supporting us in spirit (as I’m sure that she was) if not actually in body this time.

In the past we have beaten by some teams that played good, clean, skilled hockey. It wasn’t that we played badly, just that they played better. They worked well together, defended well, attacked strongly and the goals that they scored were good ones. In these circumstances we’ve rarely begrudged them the win as they were clearly the better team on the day. Well on Saturday I felt that we were that team. I hope that Dursley agree.

To credit the opposition, they didn’t play like a bottom of the table team. They caught us napping in the first quarter of the game and despite an early attack from us (a short corner) they kept us busy from the first whistle. Those first 15 minutes were evenly matched with both teams sharing the play. It was becoming the type of game where one silly mistake could result in the only goal of the match and the one that cost us the game. Thankfully we remembered before half time the way that we’d played the week before and started to communicate better and start to regain some control.

Using shorter, simpler, safer passes we held possession and got the ball to the ‘D’ and gained a short corner. This gave Jane the opportunity to thwack a ball in from the top – a ball that was hit so hard that it ping-ponged between the goalie’s legs before going in. Fired-up by the goal we continued to improve. Great work from the midfield including a superb work-rate from Jess Storray who was guest-starring from the 3rds with Ellie ‘Dangermouse’ Penfold (who’d already completed a netball match before the game started). This determination won us another short corner where Liz was able to cross a brilliant ball in from the left to Sluggy who deflected it into the goal so hard that there was nothing that Dursley could do to stop it.

Fantastic and well-timed interventions by Debbie Legge, saves by Karen Alexander and clearances by Emma Matthews and Kate Macaskill kept our sheet clean. The defenders repeatedly fed the ball through to our determined midfielders who worked hard to get the ball into the attacking 25 and keep it there. Grace Cox chased down a number of loose balls at speeds that the rest of us can only dream of. All of this hard work and some skillful stick work from Captain ‘Nasher’ Mitchell led to another short corner and Janer (having realised that there’s no ‘Assist Sheet’) made the scoresheet again with another blistering shot.

Every player was kept busy as Durlsey continued to push, with some dangerous looking breaks but we kept our cool. Kate Macaskill, reliable as always, drove the ball down the right wing and responding to a great call from Grace fired an accurate and pacey cross into the top of the ‘D’ where Grace struck confidently and firmly into the goal to take the score to 4-0 (taking her onto equal Goal Scoring points with Jane for the season so far).

The only serious worry was from a Dursley short corner where the first strike found the back of the net. Thankfully, the umpire had spotted that the ball hadn’t crossed the line of the ‘D’ so the goal was disallowed. It was a well worked short corner though and had the striker been slightly more careful a goal would have been well deserved.

Notable moments:

Janer’s Freudian mix of the words ‘wing and ‘line’ resulting in the classic call “DOWN THE WINE!!”Also her spiritual/drunken channelling of some long deceased relative of Ms Blacks with ‘LIZZIE!”Despite all of this she managed to get Man of the Match.

To conclude the first half of the seaon’s league games, Lydney travelled to Wotton under Edge to try out their new, slippery pitch. Committed captain Sam Zala didn’t disappoint, grazing everything uncovered on her first attempt at a reverse stick strike which failed to connect with the backboard. Lydney dominated the first half, with numerous unsuccessful scoring opportunities and most of the play. Wotton were certainly the more determined side in the first half and finished it with a well worked goal a minute before the half time whistle.

After Captain Zala’s positive, uplifting team talk, resembling a scene from the Saw Movies ( the 3D version ) Lydney began the second half ready to fight for an equalizer.

Some unorthodox tackling from the opposition’s midfield enabled Judith Lack to demonstrate some of her useful rugby skills and deliver several deadly passes to the waiting forwards, securing the team’s vote for Man of the Match.

Lydney’s patience after numerous short corners and a disallowed high shot was finally rewarded with an equalizer in open play from Sam Zala which squeezed past Wotton’s solid defence and skillful keeper.

The remainder of Wotton’s attempts to steal a winner were foiled by Lydney’s brilliant defence and diligent midfield and the score remained at 1-1.

Notes for the 2s … The showers in the Men’s changing rooms are great ( with thermostatic controls no less ) If you don’t want dishwater type soup with white bits of ceiling tile for teas in the Swan pub, declare yourself a vegetarian and feast on a plate of egg and chips. The pitch is extremely slippery, particularly when you have a 10.30 start on a frosty morning and is still covered in the blood of several of the Ladies 3s.

Somewhere in the Shire of Lydney, a plucky crew of mixed ages, experience and backgrounds was drawn together by the command of one voice, Sarah ‘Gandalf’ Mitchell. From here they traveled, their merry band expanding as they were joined by others along the way. They forded dangerous rivers (the Wye and the Severn) and passed swiftly through tolls (luckily without having to answer any tricky riddles) and made their intrepid way, sometimes by separate paths to the Centre of MiddleEarth Bristol.

As this noble band convened at the sacred home of Ye Olde Bristolians: Riven-Gordano-Community-Trust-Sports-Centre-Dell they were joined by others (despite Ali ‘Eowyn’ Bannister’s temporary loss of inner compass). Hurdles many had been thrown in their path but once they were all together at Longwood Lane (and after a rapid costume change) the trek to the pitch could begin. Toes were lost (might have been socks) and dehydration was a constant source of concern, but on they trudged. On and on and on…and on and on….until eventually the hinterland of the Turf of Atrso was reached, and the battle they had come for could commence.

Both teams of warriors confusingly sported the Noble Maroon and Whyte colours of Sir Stryke-the-Ball-a-Lot. The Lydneyshire fellowship however, wore the modern arrangement whereas Ye Olde Bristol-eo-lians had opted for the traditional quarters, the choice of a previous millenium. There were those in the Lydneyshire fellowship however, who remembered the days in Quarters. They had fought and won under those heavy shirts of olde and the lessons were not lost on them. Indeed, the Olde Ways were called upon when during battle a ‘Bullye’ was required to be performed.

Both armies battled hard but the deadlock was broken when Jane ‘Baggins’ Box cannoned a ball into the ‘D’. The opposition was unable to deflect it away and the Sphere of Infinite Dimples was sent thundering into the Goal of Mouth where it should have stayed forever. However, as everyone’s backs were turned, it was retrieved by a cunning Olde Bristolian* and the battle was on AGAIN. (Honestly, it was just battle after battle after battle…with little dialogue).

*just as the half time credits rolled to leave things nicely open for a follow-up of course…

And a follow-up there was, as an even harder battle commenced that saw ‘Princess’ Megan Very-Royle elbowed to the floor despite her protective gloves of woven unicorn fur. In a Peter-Jackson-like twist of fate, Lydneyshire’s fortunes were reversed as they found themselves suddenly having to defend. Ali ‘Eowyn’ Bannister showing bravery a-plenty threw herself in front of the ball in the ‘D’. She wished that she’d had The One Ring on her finger though as the Ump of Pyre saw the speeding sphere hit her feet in the Mouth of Goal and bounce off the back line. He called upon Karen ‘Gimli’ Alexander to face battle in a one-on-one duel with OB’s feared Striker. As tradition dictates, both armies retreated to the sides of the playing battlefield for this tense showdown.

Powers of the mind were used by Striker to try to send Alexander the wrong way, but as a projectile was launched hard towards her, Alexander read Striker’s hit perfectly and stepped the right way, the sphere colliding with her leg armor but the force of it caused it to slither on past her into the Mouth of Goal.

The Fellowship answered the silent (and not so silent) inner call to retaliate and worked as one to gain a Penaltee Corner. In a cinematically close call Jane ‘Baggins’ Box struck The Sphere towards the target but one of the enemy skimmed it with a swinging weapon and it collided noisily with one of the pillars at the entrance to the Mouth of Goal and deflected away as the ringing continued in everyone’s pointy (and not so pointy) ears.

As the fighting continued, the Lydneyshire fellows were forced to retreat and defend more with Sarah ‘Gandalf’ Mitchell being presented a Carde of Greene for attacking from the side of Lefte and ‘Baggins’ Box being badly injured. This did not deter the troops though and nimble, elf-like switching round the back and up the wing to Abbi ‘Arwen’ Farr and Grace ‘Galadriel’ Cox saw plenty of determined charges; though it proved impossible for the Fellowship to return the Sphere of Infinite Dimples to the Mouth Of Goal. They managed to keep it from falling into enemy hands though by passing it cunningly between them with great communication, trust in each other and quick little moves.

In a final attack, Racheal ‘Legolas’ Lugg bravely took The Sphere from the Lands of the Twenty-Fyve-Yard-Lyne into the Dee and launched it at The Farr Poste. Sadly though, The Sphere went slightly wide (which was lucky for the heavily armored OB defender as she was slow to react and didn’t quite reach it to make sure).

As the final Horn of Ump from Pryre rang out over the domain, the battle was declared a draw. The Fellowship have no choice but to try again On Satyr-day.

On a brighter note, post-battle sustenance was of an unusually high standard with a Shire Cottage Pie and flagons of ale tea and coffee available on production of a special token – tokens presented as an Olive Branch of Peace by the enemy. This was a game that critics rated as ‘FIVE STAR’, ‘Superb viewing’, and, ‘A performance well directed by Sarah Mitchell’. Let’s hope that the lessons learnt can be remembered for the future.