"Going going Ghandia" - Episode 4 recap

"Going going Ghandia" Episode 4 recap.
Is Monsoon-y a word? Let’s assume it is, and say that we start the show with Sook Jai returning from camp on a Monsoony night after having dispatched Jed/Jeb in quick fashion.

Lesson one – Dancing with Jake

Whenever a question is asked of you that you do not feel comfortable answering, employ fancy footwork in order to side step it.

Example:

Robb “So, are you guys happy with your decision?”
Jake “I’m not happy going to Tribal Council at all”

Final flourish
Jake “I’m not happy getting home this late.

The equivalent of the Tango “dip”– poetry in motion.

Shii Ann, she’s super clever isn’t she? We know that because she keeps telling us.
Robb on the other hand has neither told us nor shown us how clever he is.
Shii Ann expected to get votes, Robb expected to have at least one person calling his name out.
Now, I’m not sure whether Robb failed to follow the “plot” of the Tribal Council, but there is only ever one person that calls names out.
Last weeks reward challenge marked the first occasion I can remember where one tribe actually set out to cause physical harm to the other.
The events of the pirate challenge have obviously gotten Penny all riled up as she says she wants to literally kick butt in the next challenge.
Let’s hope the challenge is “butt kicking” in one shape or form then.
This will be a breeze for Sook Jai as they have far larger targets to aim at.

Hmmm, Stephanie’s gone missing. Not a word from her so far, not a single sighting of her. I hope she hasn’t been grabbed by a passing python, or coerced into making a new life with a pack of traveling monkeys.
It starts to rain – ahhh, not to worry, she’ll be on the beach somewhere.

Day 10

The day starts with Steph still on the beach.
Penny is also up and about, intent on re-lighting the fire.
I get an early chance to dip into my ”Jokes I was saving for Brian” file, by stating that Penny’s “got wood”.

How do you make a total bitch?
Take one buff female fighter-fighter and add rainwater.
Penny has retained some excess perkiness from her cheerleader days.
Penny Good morning Stephanie (does a split)
Steph Give me an F, give me a U, give me a C…….

Stephanie is shocked that the tribe chose to oust Jed/Jeb. He was apparently doing all the work. By “all” she means none and by “work” she means walking 10 feet to the water hole and losing the fishing net.
She tramps off down the beach to collect fly encrusted squid for their breakfast.
It does make a lot of sense to cook your seafood and boil your drinking water in separate pots. Steph returns with more squid and Shii Ann leaps to stop her putting them into the newly designated “water pot”, prompting Steph to tell her to “stick them where she wants”. You better bend over Steph because there’s only one place they’re heading.

Robb is torn. He wants to remain loyal to Steph but doesn’t want to get booted next so he knows he has to get in good with the other group. How can he associate with them without Steph noticing? He comes up with the perfect solution and stands in the middle of the group in his camouflage pants – excellent.

Rather foolishly Jake tries to engage Steph in conversation by pointing out the obvious fact that she had found more squid, then says they couldn’t look for any because they were tending the fire. Shii Ann, Penny, Erin and Ken stand round breaking small thin sticks into smaller thinner sticks to illustrate this. Steph is so desperate she turns to Robb for support, explaining that it shouldn’t take five of them to make a fire – “it’s like the screwing the light bulb joke”.
Robb does agree with Steph and makes a mental note to go to the hardware store when he gets back to Arizona, “you can screw light bulbs?”!!!

Chuay Gahn

With her hair suddenly full and curly and wearing wire rimmed glasses Jan appears to be channeling Gabe. She explains that the camp is not as jovial is it once was.
Mighty Ghandia cleans her teeth with gravel she chewed from a rock (hey, you never know when someone might try to get all up on you) , pulls the husk off a coconut with her bare teeth then crushes it between the cheeks of her ass.
Ted, it would appear is not handling the allegations of last week very well.
We all know the story, the story we were allowed to see, the story Ghandia told Ted, the story Ted told Ghandia, the story Ghandia told Helen, who told Brian, who told Ted, who replied, who told Helen, who told Ghandia that resulted in the group talk and embarrassed the Red berets.
Well, apparently Ted is a little, hmm, what’s the word? Let me just dip into the ‘Jokes I was saving for Brian file” Aha, here we are. Ted is a little “testy” about it.
Ghandia thinks Ted should just let it go. I know, I could hardly believe it either.
He won’t look at her, talk to her, try to get up on her ass – nuthin’.

If Chuay Gahn was a body, Ghandia assesses she would be the arm.
That’s good isn’t it? While not absolutely essential, arms do make things a whole lot easier. Aha, Ghandia is the arm that got bit off by a shark (?) She’s clearly mad and they should take whatever steps necessary to get rid of her.

Ted is soaking in the water with Brian and Clay.
It’s difficult to pay attention to their conversation as I can’t shake the image they’re having a communal pee. Apparently Ted would have done the same i.e. grind, Clay or Brian if he had been sleeping as closely to them.
Clay says he would not have waited until morning to tell Ted to get off him. Brian remains silent as he tries to estimate how many units an interracial gay porn video might shift.

Helen used to work for the rape crisis centre – admirable work.
Come back and assess the current Chuay situation when you’ve put in a few years at the Grind Crisis Centre Helen as you might be a little biased here.
She goes on to conclude that the truth in somewhere between Ghandia and Ted’s versions of events. Ghandia walks by totally naked.

I would like to take this opportunity to lead everyone in a round of applause for the person who invented the “blur” machine.

Day 11

Clay finds cave mail, a dummy and a banana.
He shouts to the others who totally ignore him. Brian is poking at the fire, it’s been ten days and he needs to poke something.
Clay throws the banana to Ted who then throws it to Helen.
What Helen says: Don’t drop it.
What Helen means: Don’t drop it and start humping it you sex freak.

This could be a good time for Burnett to hand the more depleted tribe a “gimme” based on their luxury items. We could have the “who has the least facial hair challenge” and utilize Ted’s razor, the “who can finds a children’s doll challenge”, utilizing Helen’s daughter’s doll or the “hole in one challenge” using Clay’s golf club and Brian’s, uh Brian.
Not this time though, the tribes have been supplied with paint, buffs and other fancy stuff to dress up their dummies.

Over at Sook Jai the lack of enthusiasm is palpable.
What we gonna name him? asks Jake.
Is it a boy or a girl? asks Erin. Rather unfortunate that she should be the one to pose that question considering the bruhahah surrounding her gender this week.
She innocently compounds the awful irony by stating that” it would be easier to make a girl”. Any plastic surgeon will confirm that it is indeed, “easier to poke a hole than build a pole”.
Cut back to the Chuay camp – there we see a flurry of activity. Brian sees a pot of paint, sticks his finger in it and then sniffs it – old habits die-hard.
The Chuays have decided to make a female, called Chuay Girl/Gal and proceed to dress her up. When they are nearly finished Ted steps back, nods and confirms she looks gooood – and at 250 lbs she’s just his type.
Brian completes the look by giving her a pearl necklace.

Stephanie has decided that this will be her pet project. She designs and makes the costume, happy that she has shunned another chance to bond with her tribe.

Happy that the reward is food related the tribes set off for the challenge.
The wise words of Ken ringing in the ears of the Sooks.
“We want to win this reward for two reasons – we don’t want to die and we don’t want to freakin’ die”.

So the challenge is simple, drag your dummy round the island.
Dammit Penny, no butt-kicking.
The reward – bananas. Erin seems particularly pleased, perhaps remembering her own banana.
This being a highly physical challenge, Shii Ann is the obvious “sit out” for the Sooks.
The teams drag their dummies all round the island. Brian soon has the CG dummy out if its coconut bra and grass skirt, it just makes it easier for him to think of it as work you know.
The challenge is relatively uneventful and naturally the younger, fitter Sook team is triumphant.

At the CG camp Clay has decided the best way to foster a good team spirit is to discuss where to apportion blame for the Reward loss which doesn’t sit well with the women.
We see the men lazing around while the women busy themselves. The men are fishing but it appears to be too much effort for any of them to reach forward and snap up the one tiny specimen that has managed to “beach” itself at high tide.
I know it does appear that the women are doing more than the men, but choosing to sweep the dirt off the floor of a dirt floor cave is overkill isn’t it?

“Dear Lord, thank you so much for this totally bitchin’ nanas. You’re wayyyyy tubular Christ”.
Strangely, no one else joins in Robb’s banana prayer.
He amuses himself by laying the law down to the chickens re egg production and the possible implications of any lack thereof. He doesn’t say it like that though – obviously.

The divide between male and female is becoming a chasm over at Chuay Gahn.
Brian makes a very witty comment about women belonging in the kitchen, wearing a French maid’s outfit, on the counter, spread eagled…..
Helen decides her best bet is to keep quiet. She works with men all the time and “sometimes you just have to swallow some of that stuff”.
Music to Brian’s ears.

It’s finally time for the Immunity Challenge.

Jiff explains that as the Reward Challenge was all physical, this challenge will be purely mental. This challenge will explore ancient Thai Tan grams as opposed to ancient Thai dragging a 250 lb dummy round an island.

In pairs, each tribe has to make the shape of a fire before handing off to the next pair who will make the shape of a temple to signify the Tribal council.
Jake and Penny go first for the Sooks with Clay and Ted competing for the Chuays.
The rest of the team can shout encouragement and guidance from the wings.

Cast your mind back to the opening episode of Survivor :Thailand.
Remember when the Chuay’s were far ahead of the Sooks in the immunity challenge until Ghandia stepped up to do the knife puzzle?
Armed with that knowledge, which is the last person you would want to tackle one of these Tan Grams? Right.
I can only conclude they wanted to lose as the Chuay’s have Ghandia partner up with the “never far from tears Jan” to try and figure out the second puzzle.
Victory to the Sooks as I suspect was the plan.

Tribal council should be pretty simply tonight wouldn’t you think?
The guys will vote Ghandia and the ladies will vote Ted.
Right ladies? Right ladies?

Hmmm, despite the immense violation suffered by Ghandia last week she informs Helen that she’s able to put up with Ted for a few more days. Strange.
Jan, wants to get rid of Clay because she feels he has caused the male female divide in the tribe.
Uh, sorry.
No Jan, you’re right, Clay told Ghandia to jam her butt into Ted’s crotch and then guided Ted’s butt in a circular motion against Ghandia while he slept.
Jan, you’re a fool.
Ghandia is ready to take her chances with the purple rock of fate that did for Pappy, if there is a deadlocked vote at TC.

Ted Yeah it’s tough but you just have to suck it up.
Brian That’s what I’m talking about.

I wonder who poked a stick up Jeff’s ass (my guess would be Brian – obviously)
He didn’t seem to mind Tanya being referred to on voting cards as Tennessee, but he has a major problem with Clay writing “Bye bye Denver Diva” on his card.
Clay can consider himself reprimanded.

So Helen pitted her conscience against her competitive spirit and the spirit temporarily won as she voted for Ghandia. No rocks, no purple bag, unless you count Brian of course.

Next week on Survivor

Tune in to see Robb try to get synchronized drowning made an official Olympic sport.