The Royals need a worthwhile promotion to draw fans in August. Figurines are too conventional. There must be something else. Hmm. Tough one. How 'bout urine?

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Lots of people could use some urine! Plus, there's at least one ballgame-going group that might be especially grateful for the giveaway. I bet they would even buy out the whole concession stand in appreciation of the Royals' goodwill.

The more munchies in stock, the better.

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Thank you, mutton lovers, for your continued support of Deadspin. Back tomorrow, and until then, uh, don't go chasin' waterfalls? And with that, I'll probably be fired by the end of the week.