Billboard Music Awards Fug Carpet: Gwen Stefani

Who would wear this anywhere? Why, Gwen Stefani, of course. I feel more and more like her benchmark is, “Would sane people consider this utterly ridiculous? Will it make people wonder why anyone pays me to design clothing? THEN I SHALL WEAR IT.”

I’ll give you that it’s definitely brave to sport a crown of flowers over unflatteringly slicked and parted hair, all with a flimsy wrap that makes it look like she’s a synchronized swimmer just out of the pool and ready for a night on the town in shoes for which her toes are too long. But is it attractive? I don’t think so. For sure, the dress — which isn’t terrible on its own — never had a chance once she went all Rose Parade on her head. It should sue for irreconcilable differences.

Perhaps she’s just trying to distract people from her belly. Certainly a woman as notoriously enamored of her own abs as Gwen is would be wearing something that flaunts them — unless they are doughy these days. Doughy like, say, a bun. An oven-bun, if you get what I’m saying, and I think you do.