Carlos isn’t shy, but he’s kind of antisocial. You wouldn’t think that if you met him because he’s a nice, likeable guy, but the simple truth is that he prefers spending time with family and people he already knows very well.

I’m kind of the opposite. By nature I’m shy but I force myself not to act on the urge to stay to myself. Spending time around a lot of people exhausts me, but just as much, I love new experiences and I’m curious about others.

So I was surprised and happy last week when Carlos told me that one of his co-workers invited us to their apartment and then to play soccer. Well, they have invited us a couple of times before but Carlos has always refused to go. This time, (I don’t know why) Carlos asked me if I wanted to accept the invitation. My response was, “Of course! Finally!”

So Friday afternoon we went to the apartment of his friend, Mando. I had met him, his wife and son before because we went once to the child’s birthday party, but that was already two years ago and now they live in a different place.

We sat in mismatched chairs and Mando opened the windows so the breeze could come in because they don’t have air conditioning. Then, good host that he is, Mando asked if we’d like tamales; when I accepted with enthusiasm, he disappeared behind a curtain that divides the dining and living room from the kitchen.

I looked at the walls of the house while I waited. On an otherwise bare wall hung a large poster in a plastic frame. It was the kind of poster one might see in the hallway of a school. The poster showed an eagle with an American flag waving in the background – at the bottom in a white font and in capital letters, it said: “COURAGE” …I wondered if they know what is says since they don’t speak much English. Either way, it touched me to see that poster in their apartment – It seemed symbolic.

Mando returned with a styrofoam plate filled with foil-wrapped tamales. He put a glass on the table. “Agua?” he asked, holding a jug of purple liquid. I allowed him to serve me a glass of purple “water”, although I had no idea what it was. Turns out it was “agua de uva,” [a type of grape juice] but Mando and the others refer to the drink as simply “agua.”

After we ate, we went to the soccer field. There I sat on the sidelines with the other women and children while the men played. “Do women ever play?” I asked the wife of Mando. She looked at me like I was a bit odd, but with a friendly smile she shook her head. I got a little annoyed that I couldn’t play soccer as well but I accepted it, not wanting to embarrass Carlos or make our new friends uncomfortable.

Instead of playing, I took pictures, (which was probably also a strange gringa thing to do.)

How beautiful is the soccer field? Doesn’t it look like it could be El Salvador or some distant country? This is actually Pennsylvania.

I spent the afternoon and evening talking with the women and playing with the children. Mando’s wife is pregnant and so we talked about baby names and other personal things. She opened up to me about her family in Mexico and offered to teach me how to make a special salsa that she makes. It felt good to make friends, see new things and experience the kindness of others but soon the moon came out and the men proclaimed that they were exhausted, so we went home.

Tracy, fijate que yo desde nina visito muchas canchas de futbol, thanks to my Dad. Every Sunday, agarravamos camino a la cancha. Now my Dad is about to hit 50 and feels worn out to continue playing but lives off of my 24 and 18 year old brothers games.

Ever since i can remember, the moms/wives never played soccer. They would sit around talk/gossip while all the kids played around. they would all bring snacks and share with all the kids. Back then… like early 90’s to mid 90’s, i don’t recall seeing women leagues or even simply kicking the ball around; But now a days, there are women leagues….. as well as coed leagues. I don’t know about you playing on the same team as Carlos….. because if he’s anything like my Dad, he wouldn’t like for you to play with men… Como que dice que los hombres juegan “pesado”. No se… Suena como poquito como machismo…. hahahahaa… but its sort of like a boundary that a woman shouldn’t play sports with males (specially her husband)….hence all the women leagues for all sports.

Have yo heard of AYSO? American Youth Soccer Association… League for kids of 5 years old to 19 i think. My brothers played when they were younger. Maybe if your kids want to join other kids their age. No se si AYSO existe por tu area. (We are in Los Angeles, and they are fairly big around this area) Its very cute! hahahaa specially when you see the little 6 and 7 year olds running around a miniature soccer field. LOL

LOL, thanks for sharing your memories from childhood about the culture of the cancha jajaja. I’ve known for a long time that women don’t play and that we’re expected to watch the kids from the sidelines and chismear but it still rubs me the wrong way.

I find it hilarious that the excuse is that the men play hard and don’t want to hurt the women – I’ve heard this excuse before. I think they’re scared we’ll show them up! I’m not scared of getting kicked in the shins or stepped on with cleats. I’m not scared of getting elbowed or pushed around – not at all. I was a month away from earning my black belt in Tae Kwon Do when I had to quit (due to my first pregnancy) – and I used to fight full grown men all the time. I can take a beating and I won’t cry about a broken nail or something ridiculous like that. I’m not that kind of female. Men are the ones who should be scared with that vulnerable little area between their legs jajajaja.

Anyway, yes, I’m sure we have women’s leagues and there are county teams but I’m not interested in being on an official team – I just like to play pickup games when I’m in the mood and don’t like all that commitment.

I’m not going to impose myself on others and humiliate Carlos because I respect my husband and I understand the cultural circumstances of why he doesn’t want me to play – it isn’t because Carlos thinks I shouldn’t, but because of peer pressure from the other men.

My plan for now, I’m going to show ’em what I got on the off chance someone makes a joke about me playing and inviting me into the game some day. Last week we went again to the cancha and I helped Carlos and my 13 year old son warmup on the sidelines by kicking the ball around with them for about 15 minutes. I plan to play around with the ball on the sidelines each week, even if under the guise of playing with the children. Even if they’re too macho to admit I deserve a spot on the field, they will see that women can be active, women can play and women aren’t good for just sitting around gossiping and cheering them on.

As for my boys, my 13 year old is playing with the grown men, (that’s right – a 13 year old is allowed to play because he has a penis, but his 33 year old mother can’t… Really stupid when you put it that way, isn’t it?) … Anyhow, my 13 year old plans to try out for the school team this summer. Our 10 year old is like me – he just likes to play but doesn’t necessarily want to be on a team right now.

Anyway – I’ll keep you updated LOL. I joked around with my new friend that after she has the baby we should start a women’s team and play on the adjacent field. She just laughed me off and said “Chingao.” LOL… I guess not then.

Hahahahaha, pues si. Eso es. I agree, some women would love to play with men. They like that kind of contact sport. When men play soccer its much more exciting than when women play soccer. At least from what I’ve seen. haha. You are tough! I remember that one post about opening the jar issue. Kinda similar concept. Pues, si eso… me aseguro que Carlos no es que no quiere que jueges, es mas por los otros hombres. Como ves, tu respuesta fue “Chingao” LOL.

Pick up games are usually much more fun because you play among people you know and winning feels that much better. LOL. unfair right?? Your 13 yr si lo meten a jugar, pero a ti no. jajajajajajajajajajaa. I know, my brothers have played on my dads teams since they were 15 yrs old (until recently que mi papa ya no juega) Que bueno que tu muchacho va jugar. Its good to get into sports.. I wished i did when i was in H.S. Believe it or not for my younger brother joining the school soccer team helped him keep up his grades. i guess to remain on the team you have have a minimum 2.5 GPA if not they kick you off so you can focus on the core subjects. He was doing ok before joining, but now because he doesn’t want to get thrown off the team, he maintains his GPA. On the flip side, he does take a lot of time in the afternoons after school because he has practice. Ya llega a la casa como a a las 630. Poco tiempo para hacer tarea, comer cena y banarse. Almenos no anda mal gastando el tiempo. Ojala que la haga. Those school games are verrrrry fun to watch! Estoy segura que Carlos no faltaria a un partido. hahahaa.

Sometimes just getting out and doing something new is just the refresher you need to de-stress! I´m glad Carlos wants to do it again! :-) My husband and I tend to get stuck just staying around home / families as well, so I understand how you felt at this nice change of pace! We feel just the same way when we are able to go out with friends.

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