GAA Shocked As Paul Galvin Comes Out As Straight

The entire GAA community has been rocked today after news spread that Kerry footballer Paul Galvin is in fact straight.

The temperamental corner forward has led a controversial career in the GAA, where the majority of people were convinced he was a homosexual.

Off the pitch, Galvin has a massive interest in men’s fashion. He goes to fashion shows, follows the latest trends and styles and regularly blogs about the industry on his personal website. The fact that he dresses well and doesn’t wear Wranglers or black school shoes from Clarke’s on a night out, convinced the entire GAA community that he was a gay.

The GAA has a long and proud history of promoting racism, sectarianism and homophobia. When young children begin playing, they are taught to viciously hate their rivals, because they come from a different place and wear a different colour jersey. This intolerance is nurtured at a young age to ensure it’s prominent at senior level.

One anonymous county player spoke to us earlier about the revelations:

I’m devastated he’s straight, I can’t believe it, I mean he’s bringing out some hair care product and everything?! We were all looking forward to persecuting someone from another minority, it’s one of the best things about GAA – although we hate people who are different, we really enjoy insulting them, ya know? The craic we had with that slanty eyed chap from Dublin all those years ago was gas!

Players and fans alike have all been upset by the news that Galvin is straight, but they are insistent that they will find someone else to target during this year’s GAA championships.