Paternity Leave's Importance

Should Every Father Take A Paternity Leave When Their First Child Is Born?

While I waited for the birth of my first child, I walked around with an anxiety: Would I ever learn how to change a diaper? I’m not exactly a practical person, and the glimpses I’d had of the operation made it seem pretty complex, as well as gross.

Finally I unburdened myself to a friend, who already had kids.

He asked me, “Can you put on your underpants?”

“Usually, yeah,” I said.

“Then I think you’ll manage.”

Strangely, I did. I’d arranged a full month of leave after birth. On the expected due date, I knocked off work. Brilliantly, my wife showed no signs yet of giving birth. This went on for a week: she, enormous and impatient; me, workless, sleeping late, and going to movies with my cellphone on just in case.

Finally our daughter arrived. On day one, I learned to change a diaper. It remains one of the only practical skills I have.

I tell this story not to set myself up as the ideal dad. In fact, I aspire to be a mediocre-to-adequate dad. Rather, the point is that every dad should take time off when the baby comes.

Paternity leave is a growing global trend. Last year, 78 out of 167 countries on which the International Labour Organization had data offered some form of paternity leave. Obviously the U.S. doesn’t, because it would instantly return the country to some communistic Stone Age.

Still, even if your country or company doesn’t offer any time off, arrange some anyway. Maybe your boss won’t be happy or there’s an unfinished project. Who cares? Here are three key facts: 1. Unless you are Barack Obama, and maybe even then, your job just isn’t that important. 2. Your employer doesn’t really care about you. You are replaceable. 3. Even taking just a few days off around the birth can change your relationship with your wife and child long-term.

That’s because in those thrilling first days, especially with a first child, the parental learning curve is steep. The parents learn how to change diapers, sterilize stuff, hold a baby, etc. If you’re in the office missing out on one of the core human experiences, only your wife will learn. Then, in future, every time the child cries, you will probably hand the thing to her and say, “You fix it.” You become parent number two. Childcare falls to the wife, you do long hours at work to “put food on your family” (phrase copyright President George W. Bush) and one day your kid looks at you and thinks, “That guy seems vaguely familiar.”

You might think this is worth the price of never having to change a diaper. But consider. Your partner will probably quit her job or go part-time to pick up your slack. A few years on, when the kid is at school, she will try to resume her career and probably find that no employer particularly wants her. Then you will be saddled with that most dangerous of all midlife problems: Bitter Wife Syndrome. Avoid it. Take paternity leave now.