Today we honor a school that Forbes has listed as one of the most expensive schools in the country, making it a betchy choice by default for any high school grad. I mean there was a report that came out just 6 hours ago stating how manipulative the school has been to keep it’s top rated status. If that isn’t winning then what is? Alma mater to notable betchy alum such as Jackie Kennedy,Rachel Zoe, and Alec Baldwin, GW is where thousands of betches and their skinny-jeaned Gay BFFs call home. There are few things more glamorous than paying top dollar to party in the city where America runs shit.

Greek Life: It's not completely necessary to be in Greek life at GW, but if you're from the Northeast and want to participate in constant rounds of Jewish geography, rushing is definitely something you should consider.

Sororities

KKG - Also known as Kappa Kappa Gram-a, this house used to be filled with the easiest party girls from LA who were likely to blow you as long as you supplied the blow. Their rep is now on the decline because of a 2-year eviction from their house.

AEPhi - Love bracelets and jumbo Chanel bags are prerequisites for a bid, especially if you didn’t go to camp at Vega or Bryn Mawr. 99% JAB’s, but in recent years they have been diversifying with the addition of like, three minorities.

DG - These Boston blondes can be seen dropping their anchors (and panties) at any frat party they’re invited to. They're WASBs which is chill but still cannot hide the fact their current PC has a population of 12.

Fraternities

AEPi - These are the guys from Manhattan and the surrounding areas who can bar-out better than Lindsay Lohan circa now. They shell out a few thousand for their bi-weekly tables at lame DC clubs rather than throwing parties at one of their 2 houses. You can see them around campus attempting to look fratty in their Monclers and Gucci loafers.

Pike - They believe they are athletic bros even though they don’t actually win intramurals and also, they go to GW.

Sig Ep - ??

Nightlife

There are only 2 options for GW nightlife…Shadow Room or Opera. On Thursday nights girls stuff their bars of Xaney and packs of Camel Blues into their Chanel wallets on a chain and are greeted by Omar at the door to avoid the $20 cover and “long line.” After you trip 3 times on your way down the stairs, you stare down the skimpy hookers...I mean bartenders. The DJs are always the Epoch guys, so expect the same soundtrack Thursday after Thursday.

Opera is notorious for being a blackhole…keep your iPhone close and your Colombian cocaine closer.

Saturday nights consist of walking into a square box, aka Shadow Room. Just like Thursdays, Omar again greets the sleaziest girls at the door. Inside you push through the DCpeasants and claim your spot at one of the three tables bought by the AEPi guys. Beware, everyone who is everyone has been blacked out and carried out of Shadow at least twice…avoid Jason’s table if you don’t want to trip on a drug you probably have never even heard of.

McFaddens - Only at GW would it be considered trendy and betchy to go to a fucking sports club with the word “fat” in the title. A GW betch awaits her 21st birthday to spend 30 mins playing beer pong in a fucking saloon. Because it’s harder to get into McFads with a fake ID than fucking Fort Knox, it’s immediately considered a fucking hotspot. Leave your Loubs at home and opt for your Fiorentini and Baker boots…nothing’s sadder than spilling $2 beer on your red soles.

What To Do During The Day

Go to Georgetown - A true betch knows that there are only 2 cures for a hangover…a day of shopping and mani/pedis. After an hour sesh trying to pick that perfect shade of OPI at Jessica’s or Annie’s, betches head across the street to DC’s attempt at a Scoop…Cusp. After you push your way through fugly racks of Tory Burch (this isn’t 2007), you may find one or two cute Rag and Bone jeans or a new Haute Hippie fur vest. If you aren’t feeling too fat, brunch at Peacock Café is a must. Everyone knows you must be seen sitting outside with your Tom Ford shades on pretending to eat your tomato bisque. And for the non betch, you can see her waiting on line at Baked and Wired or Sprinkles for a cupcake with more fat than your 3rd grade bus driver.

Day parties at clubs like Eden where they have an outdoor bar, to try to make up for the fact that we don’t have any sports or tailgates.

Relaxed - Fucking everyone goes tanning here, but no one wants to admit they pay for the monthly unlimited platinum package. Consider this place GW’s underground railroad to Cabo, because unless it’s near break this is the closest to looking as tan as Jennifer Aniston in the 202.

Sports Club LA - No, this isn’t New York Sports Club or fucking Lerner Hell/Well. This is the $200 month gym at the Ritz. Yes, it’s a mile away unless you live at 2400 M, but fucking take an Uber if you’re lazy. The gym is actually pretty nasty, but it’s betchy to instagram your smoothie after a long 30 mins on the elip.

Where to Live

Thurston - Is there anything better than one of the most sexually active dorms in the country and all your betches in one building? Pick a floor, there will be a party on it any night of the week. Wake up with a condom on your doorknob.

Winston House, 2400 M, The Avenue - Like living in a luxury hotel. The Avenue is the new 2400 but located on campus, not as nice but more expensive and you can have room service delivered from the restaurants underneath.

Betches don't live at "The Vern" aka the Mount Vernon Campus, which is the second smaller GW campus and is known to be fucking weird and inconvenient.

Food

Sweetgreen/Whole Foods - Yes, there's no dining hall at GW and that confuses people, but everyone here knows that Sweetgreen and Whole Foods are a better substitution. You can get the healthiest salads (without bread, fucking duh) or delish sushi straight from the Potomac River. Just make sure to never wait on line, because that’s for peasants.

Acqua al 2 - While going to the Southeast might get us shot, at least we can pretend we're #3 abroad in Florence.

GW Deli coffee is a staple – betches might actually wake up early just to beat the long line.

Sports (or lack thereof)

Unless you call taking 50 mgs of Addy a sport (I mean, it honestly is), there is nothing sporty spice about GW. If you want to pretend you go to a Big 10 school (sounds like a nickname for the frosh 15), you obvi go away to other schools over the weekends.

Special Events Include:

Visiting Maryland - College Park is sketchy as fuck, but it’s a 20 min cab away. Stock up on UMD clothes at the Book Exchange or throw on your old red Free City and leggings. Remember to bring your own alcohol for tailgates, because Grey Goose and Belv and cranberry juice don’t exist in Prince George’s County. Clearly you’re going to see your camp friends, but remember no one wants to spend another SUPY drunk reunion, so make sure to leave by 5 pm.

Spring Break - It used to be Acapulco, but now sophomores go to Punta Cana and seniors go to Las Vegas or Puerta Vallarta.

Explore DC - It’s social suicide (and possibly murder and mugging) to leave Foggy Bottom/DuPont/Georgetown while undergrad at GW, but when a true betch matures, she starts to realize she needs to be (or appear) cultured. A betch also knows nothing is trendier than instagram, so insta-ing a pic of you at a food truck is cultured. I mean not only did you have to eat that falafel standing up but you also had to fucking get money at an ATM to pay for it in cash…a lot of fucking work.

Explore the Adams Morgan area of DC - another place people go out at night to "explore DC" and get a late night jumbo slice and the diner.

Try to #117 branch out by going to "different" bars to meet boys who go to Georgetown, or try to be fratty and go to the Treehouse or the off-campus Pike houses.

Most Cultural Thing You'll Experience

The DC ghetto, going to the monuments to instragram, going to eastern market, going to the newseum/other museums

Drawbacks

No sports, tourists eating in the basement in Ivory, Obama's motorcade casually waking you up in the morning

Ugh I’ve lived in DC for 4 years now and genuinely love it, but there’s nothing I hate more than GW. Northeast blonde girls, beware - this place is not for you. Chanel wristlets my ass - everyone here carries Coach and tries just so, so hard :(.

Also, McFadden’s is literally the worst place in the world. El Centro or bust!

i dont even go to GW but this comment is so annoying. not sure what the srats are like at this school but i can say from my own experience quality > quantity especially if you’re not some big state school

this is clearly written by an AEPHI. there are like 5 pretty girls in their whole sorority(which they got by hiding their fatties int he back room during recruitment) and those few all hang out with kappas.

i go to loyola and will wholeheartedly agree that loyola girls aren’t that betchy. most the girls that are craigulars and rage all the time are fat/not that pretty and baltimore is the fucking ghetto.

and suffering through a hopkins frat is a loyola rite of passage…it’s where you go at the beginning of freshmen year when you just hang out with whoever lives on your floor and haven’t figured out who already has a fake/your actual friends are. anyone who didn’t enter college with a fake = not betchy.

College park, for all of it’s flaws, has substantial Greek like, a sports team (hello, tailgates?) good bars, the school is hard to get into… probably the most boring people I know go to Loyola. Its a small liberal arts college on like, ONE block in baltimore.

This article is so false to what GW is like now lol. Nice try. The clubs so wrong, no one goes to opera? the soroity stereotypes, wrong. Coach, a rarity. whole foods is known to be expensive soooo yeah… no.

Everyone knows GW is Georgetown’s safety school… Mention shopping in Georgetown but not Georgetown University itself? Gtown is the betchiest school hands down…..Not to mention everyone hates gw/au/catholic because they’re irrelevant; and the nightclubs/bars outside of georgetown are sketchy af.. Betches go to Georgetown to get their MRS degree with a rich pro, shop, not do work or blackout at rhino.. Fucking duh.

There’s more to this betchy school than what a few JABs think it is. There is no mention of Mimosa in DuPont, the only relevant place to get your nails done while sipping unlimited free champagne. Who even talks about the Treehouse anymore; the Alamo is where it’s at. Pike AND Sig Ep are the shit. There are 11 relevant sororities, not just three. Where are PiKapp, Phi Psi, and Sigma Chi? Next time, I’d try to not be so obvious about your own affiliation in Greek life. In short, we want a REAL betchy write up… this only represents one small, irrelevant faction of Greek life.

This article is just dumb, the person who wrote this clearly doesnt even go to GW, or if they do, they are the weird GW students who spend their time in the basement of a residence hall watching tv and feeling sorry for themselves. Also, the Vern is not in Maryland, it’s in DC, do your research. This could have been a funny article, but it just missed the mark on so many stuff that truly are hilarious about GW students.

Everyone living in DC knows that GW is not the most elite school in the city. That title obviously goes to Georgetown, which has the betchiest betches by far. What do betches who go to GW and Georgetown have in common? They all applied to Georgetown. Georgetown betches best know how to balance school with partying, and have the hottest bros of any top 25 school.

I agree. GW has nothing on Georgetown. Georgetown’s parties, fashion, sports, guys, and ultimate success after college is way better. There’s a reason why everyone around the world has heard of Georgetown and not GW

While I agree gtown is a better school in terms of future prospects, a lot of the girls I’m met from there were trolls without personalties that didn’t know how to have fun and be social. So…there’s that.

its just awk how un-jabby most of the aephi girls are. theres MAYBE 15 semi attractive and well dressed girls in that sorority. i think the writer of this article is a little biased seeing as his best friend is a senior in aephi (hence the girl in the picture) . sorry mr. steven almeas, we know you’re just jealous your can’t be in a sorority.

LOL ok to the aephi girls who helped steven write this article. its obvious to everyone at gw that your all obnoxious and overweight….. don’t try and trick the rest of this world through a betches love this article. the truth always comes out.

obviously betch means jab…what dont preppy people understand about this…all the references to camp etc….and look at the schools they have picked minus unc and tcu (only added in the blog to allow a little diversity) totally jab filled schools

If you want some legit clubs (aside from L2, that’s legit), not Opera and Shadow Room, try:

POV Lounge on top of the W Hotel
Donovan House when it’s warmer out
Sax DC
Lima
The Huxley (if you can get in, it’s super difficult)
Josephine
Ultrabar (50/50, either it’s good or bad, depends on the night)
A Bar, can’t go wrong

While I enjoyed a good few minutes chuckling through this barrage of stereotypes, insults, and pseudo-factual notes about the day-to-day life of a GW kid - I have to say that I enjoyed the comments just as much, if not more.

A few dramatic thoughts, in “typical GW” fashion:

A. Who the fuck really cares if Shadow Room or Opera is still the spot, ever was, or will be again? Who REALLY cares that their new spot wasn’t mentioned in the mix? The truth is that they are all the same. You could just as easily sit at home and flip on a montage of CSI Miami opening scenes while sprinkling freshly crushed xanex into your glass of goose, walker, belvee, etc and get the same experience as you would at any of DC’s “hottest” dubstep radiating, bacteria infested, black hole-like vacuums - minus the creepy looks from middle aged dudes drenched in 6 dollar cologne, who usually end up going home alone anyway because the 19 year old girls who came out to party did so to go home with the 20 year old guy who is most effective at spending his inheritance - only then to likely be the ‘butt’ of a viral, half-naked photo taken during a blackout, adult version of pin the tail on the donkey that ‘miraculously’ made its way through fraternity list serves into the gwmail network like blood through the veins - which you will look back on years later while sorting through archived email and ask - “What was that girls name again?” - Only to be answered with - “I don’t know, I think she transferred.”

B. Who the fuck really cares where the Vern is - seriously. If your argument as to why this blog “sucks” relies on the fact that they got the actual location of the Vern wrong - you are actually saying one of four things: 1. That you live there and are offended. Fair. 2. That you live there and are jealous that you can’t party amongst / drink with / or be used as an outlet for carried over adolescent high-school sexual frustration by the kids that live on main campus without being concerned about making a late-night shuttle back to your dorm. 3. You don’t go to GW but live in DC and want to be able to say that you were apart of this pseudo-viral post. or 4. You are so bewildered by the fact that the authors of this post conceptually describe GW so well that you sink your teeth into the only real non-truth as a weak attempt to discredit the rest of the post.

C. Why the fuck does the author of this post have to be an AEPhi girl if said author is in fact Jewish? The truth is that using the Jewish punchline is common practice at GW. Almost as common as using the Gay and Greek punchline. All it shows is that the author of this passage understands the GW demographic so well that they knew writing to these groups would ensure virility. And if this is actually an AEPhi girl - you failed and I am ashamed - as we all know that SDT was unfairly left out of the drug and casual sex references.

D. Furthering my point from letter C - if this were truly an AEPhi girl, they would not have made the critical mistake of saying that AEPi is comprised of only New York area Jewish rich kids. Less we forget the Main Line and South Jersey “Philly” kids who have populated the ranks. Not to mention the southern kids who are looked upon by the SigEp social club as traders, or the Pike guys who do the same drugs, bang the same girls, go to the same clubs, and do the same things as everyone else but are in fact better than everyone else because they occasionally get to play on a fire truck.

E. 28’s “actual GW betch” encapsulates what today’s actual female GW student actually is - or how is described in over dramatic fashion below. To humor all of you who are too busy hitting the bong to come up with more than a 4 word response to this post, I’ll help you out: Said girl is someone who is unsatisfied by this write up because it doesn’t quite cause her not-so-emotionally stable mind to send her mascara running down her cheeks - and onto her $120 spandex of similar durability to a child’s $13 power ranger Halloween costume; and into her Uggs that just never seem to go out of style, but illicit dirty looks when seen on a ‘poor girl’ even if they are the same ones as she’s wearing, with tights she got 3 for $10 at Old Navy. (pause for all of you reading to say “ew” out loud.) Which everyone (girls and guys) continuously joke about while wearing, well, your Uggs. Mind you - when doing so, this girl is most likely sitting in an early-release 2014 BMW 5-series, surfing through facebook photos on her custom made candy red iPhone 5 at 2 o’clock in the afternoon on a Wednesday - an hour after waking up - and just minutes after sipping the last drop of her $10 Trenta Starbucks Costa Rica Finca Palmilera coffee with a side of anxiety medication, while paying for her daily blow-out followed by a strut out the door; face masked by sunglasses with lenses that individually could be used as sleds for small children.

But damn fellas - you can’t wait to tell the boys at the meeting on Sunday about how you gave it to that same chick just hours later - and how she was wanting you like you were god’s gift to women when in reality, in her questionably conscious state, she couldn’t tell the difference between you and a stuffed animal with a floppy strap-on - which most likely would have been a safer bet for her… especially if it was in Thurston. Seriously. 90% of your parents are hedge fund managers - you can spare $4 on protection. Or do we really want another Thurston 9th floor clap outbreak like that of the early 00s.

Let’s come back to earth, skip F, and read G.

G. W. isn’t so bad - really. It falls victim to stereotypes constantly - because a large majority of its student body are legacies, brothers, sisters, and close family friends, who have heard these ridiculous stories of parties and panties, drugs and debauchery, liquor and lust - and are so unbelievably obsessed with themselves that they make it a life goal to one-up the imaginative scenes they’ve maintained in their minds, and have drooled over during their latter years of high school.

In all honesty - especially if you are a prospective student and have found your way to this page - GW is a diverse culture of young individuals (some better off than others - but all with the same opportunities due to the average students ‘charitable’ nature - especially amongst the brotherhoods and sisterhoods of the individual Greek organization. (Shut up - you know it’s true. Even APES took care of its own—minus the hazing of course.) Individuals who are pursuing an unknown future - who discover themselves in a different way with every sunrise - who run the parties just as often as they attend them - who come to class in sweats and business suits - who ask you for homework, and help you with homework - who buy you booze and ask you to buy booze - and who down natty just as often as they sip goose. Yes, they all wear uggs - guys too - and tights - some guys too - and $400 Nikes, but you can get away with $60 New Balances - no one will judge you, really. Yes, people experiment with controlled substances, but how is that different from any other college?. Your admission packet doesn’t come with a bag of blow - although it may seem like that’s the case. It’s really not as bad as it seems.But once you have made your way through the circus that is THE George Washington University - you will be equipped with a mediocre to top-shelf education (it is what you make of it) and an endless stream of jokes built off of some of the most extreme stereotypes to ever exist.

FOR THE RECORD: In a world of over-sensitivity I find it critical to publicly state that the above dramatized exaggerations of GW scenarios are satire. They are intended to illustrate the absolute ridiculous nature of the content in the above post, and more so, in the comments beneath it.

I am a drug-free, Jewish, Greek life alum who is a product of good and bad decisions and experiences; but never-the-less, experiences I do not regret. I am a successful, involved, philanthropic, and positive member of society - and I owe my modern character, and promising future to my past experiences at GWU.

The truth of it all is that this post and these comments are most likely made by those who have not had an opportunity to look back at how childish the happenings of the everyday GW college student are.

Quite frankly, if you ask any alum from the years of 2003 to present, they will agree with the above satirical dramatizations because they are plausible - and only assumed to be factual by people who prefer to focus on those things with the greatest entertainment value over those things that actually hold their weight in water. In reality, my above examples were intended to grab your attention - to appeal to the masses that have, are, and will make ridiculously insulting comments on this thread - to suck you all in, in order to show you another side of it all.

To current students - I hope you realize that every sour word you use will serve to decrease the value of your very expensive diploma. The same diploma that will be the base on which your future professional careers are built. GW’s recent dismissal from the list of the country’s best is a stain on the University as a whole - but it is not a death-blow. The reputation that you all fabricate through the comments found here will fill that void should they continue to be made.

I know that the classes I attended (not all but many), were under the direction of some of the most intelligent, qualified, and experienced professors in the world. It is their individual reputations that help keep THE George Washington University above water during times like these - where it is fighting to protect its overall reputation as an educational institution in the public’s eye.

I also know that the people I surrounded myself with were diverse - involved in wide-variety of activities - and made decisions both worse and better than I - but they too graduated - succeeded - and have been successful in moving on to lives with promising futures. We can look back and reminisce about the debauchery that we were involved in, but in the privacy of our intimate conversations, without concern that we may deal further damage to a university that helped to mold us into the people that we are today.

I caution you as you continue ‘joke’ on this thread - and remind you that every dirty word you speak only serves to damage your future reputation. While I expect rampant criticism to this post, I leave you with one last thought - a golden truth that has survived for many generations - and one that future employers, friends, loved ones, and acquaintances will use to help formulate their opinion of you:

College means different things to different people.
prestige and name of an institution does not matter at all to some people.
Some people hold authority with their skills.
Others with their specialized knowledge. Some with their properties. Others with their institutions and positions. Some with their body. Others with threats..
People communicate their interests and affiliations in subtle ways, so not everyone gets the message.
College is one of these things.
In fact, in some circles the lesser known colleges carry more weight. Say, going to evergreen state instead of yale

Just as you might find it a whimsey bit cute when a downtown teenager is in awe of luxury saloon, so would your serious demeanor and message sound to some

Dont put too much weight in the names of your degrees, chap, and instead build your skills and youll come out ahead. exclusivity has a short shelf life like unrefridgerated meat, and life is actually quite dull when you’re watching your back and only pretending to be carefree

literally how do you not understand Georgetown/BC are WASBy GW/BU are JABby..they’re both fucking betchy. wasps and jabs are both betches just in veryy different ways and have very different fashion etc.

the kid who wrote this article is a gay geeed who only has friends in aephi, btw you forgot ‘nose job’ under your list of prerequisites… hope this article makes you enough money to buy a real Hermes belt *cough cough* Steven Alemeas. Sorry but even the one gay kid in aepi is too hot for you… but i’m sure there are a bunch of delt guys who’d be down

A GW Betch: The Crucials That You Forgot
It has come to my attention that while you certainly hit the nail on the head with this one, there are quite a few characteristics paramount to the nature of said Betch that you have left out. GW Betches must carry themselves in packs, for it is a key trait amongst these creatures to fear independence. They must all wear burberry raincoats—the low-grade ones, of course, with the burberry print all up in that shit. It is of the upmost importance to own one version or another of the Louis Vuitton large tote bag—for how else do you expect a Betch to carry around her unlimited supply of homemade double fudge cookies, her requisite tiara, AND her clip-in hair pieces?? Finally, while this may seem quite obvious to most of you, a honed Betch will always—and for further emphasis, may I repeat, ALWAYS—major in sociology. It is this particular path of study that, with the help of your Big Big’s old exams, will lead you to an unjustly high GPA—a GPA that you will be proud of, and that will help maintain your confidence for the rest of your life as a housewife. (Sociology will also invariably leave Betches with more time on their hands to conjure up slutty costume ideas for next year’s Halloween).

Great satire exaggerates, points out inconsistencies, and highlights irony. The whole campus is talking about this article and how hilariously it describes the university social scene. There will always be people or details left out in order to emphasize others, and a good writer does this deliberately (but let’s remember this is a blog and ‘good writing’ is all relative). It’s cute that a GW alum felt the need to write three essays (above) to defend his school and make more jabs at the characteristics of a stereotypical GW ‘betch’ but please, you’re coming off stupid.
P.S. Most come to GW to major in International Affairs and/or intern on Capitol Hill. Duh.