This Blog Is About

This blog is about---You! Each and every post is about you. Use it to challenge your usual patterns, as a tool for self-discovery, to stimulate your thinking, to learn about yourself and to answer your questions about others.

Self-observation
is key to personal growth. That is the ability to stand outside
yourself, outside your own experience and see, with objectivity, what
you do. I will give you two examples, one where the person has this
capacity and is using it (it is sometimes referred to as "the observing
ego") and another example of a person who has not developed this
ability.

The first is about two parents having a conversation,
discussing their grown child and her boyfriend. In their conversation,
they say nice things to each other about him. After the talk ends, one
parent is reflecting on it and realizes that, since they both know that
their daughter is serious about this man and they love her, they are
each trying to find things in him to admire and value; they are working
at incorporating him into their family matrix. This only became
conscious after the fact, when the one parent saw in her mind, a mini
re-play of that part of the exchange and recognized what they had been
doing.
The second example is one of a person in late middle-age who feels
lonely and disappointed. Most of the people in his life who should be
close to him, are not. One after another, the people in his family and
friend group have distanced themselves from him. It isn't that he is a
bad person. In fact, he does a lot of favors for others. However, he
has problems of his own that infringe on his relationships: He is
moody and also, sometimes says insensitive, inappropriate, or harsh
things to others. As a result, his relatives and friends have learned
to be guarded around him and the one thing he most longs for, closeness
with others, eludes him. However, he has never been inclined to wonder,
since this seems to be a pattern in his life, if he, himself, might
have anything to do with it. He does not notice his own behavior. He
simply blames the other person or the circumstances and goes on,
endlessly repeating the same mistake.

Sometimes questioning yourself can be a good thing.If you have an
observing ego but haven't paid much attention to it, you might try to be
more aware of those little observations of yourself when they come to
mind. You can develop this capacity with a little attention to it.

It is one way that you, yourself, can make your life better.

Have you been noticing what you are doing?

Do you perceive any patterns in your behavior?

Do you like what you see?

Is there something you'd want to change? Are you learning about yourself?

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Acknowledge yourself. By reading this blog, taking the time to think, and reflecting on yourself and the larger picture,---you have done something to take care of yourself. See if you feel more open, have more clarity, or feel more aliveness.

About Psychotherapy

"Counseling provides a special setting in which we can learn about ourselves. This can help us to be more effective in our relationships with others and with ourselves. It takes time, helpful observations and support to recognize and change our ways of living."Brooklyn College

The author of A Therapist's Thoughts is a therapist in full time private practice