That finished product reminds me quite vividly of the headcrabs from Half-Life; it's sitting there, just waiting to leap off the platter. I imagine this is basically the recipe for those chickens from Eraser Head, only turbocharged. Seriously, if y'all want to make terrifying meat golems, be my guest, but don't come crying back when they decide to feast on your brains and rip out your soul with their bacony claws.posted by CheshireCat at 10:22 AM on November 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

If they consulted a recipe, they'd know that all the bird meats need to be boned!

I'll admit, I was hoping it would be a ducken in the stomach of an anaconda eaten by a turkey.

At first glance, I thought it would be a condor.posted by LionIndex at 10:38 AM on November 21, 2008

Nope, it's not quite enough.

Start with an ortolan and stuff it inside a cornish hen. Hen goes in the duck, duck goes in the chicken, chicken goes in the turkey, and the turkey goes inside of an ostrich. Fill the remaining voids inside the ostrich with sausage meat, and wrap the entire thing with bacon. Rub liberally with pure lard, bread, and deep fry it.

I'm waiting for someone to stuff an ostrich with turducken. Then wrap that in bacon.posted by giraffe at 10:46 AM on November 21, 2008

I am a huge fan of bacon. I put it in salads, sandwiches, omelets, even dipped in maple syrup as a tasty side to a stack of pancakes and I'm still waiting for the glorious day I get to try one of these. But seriously, this is just over the line. The bacon enthusiasts have gone too far.

The time it would take to prepare and cook on top of the impracticality and the fact that any one who tries eats this is going to make them selves sick is reason enough to say nay.

I believe this is the first time in my whole life that the mention of bacon is not a good thing.posted by SheMulp AKA Plus 1 at 10:47 AM on November 21, 2008

...As thousands of vegans reach for Tegretolposted by terranova at 10:51 AM on November 21, 2008

In other news, Sarah Palin gives an interview while turkeys are decapitated in the background.

I don't really see how this is a faux pass. I mean if you can't see turkeys being slaughtered you don't deserve to eat them.posted by Citizen Premier at 10:53 AM on November 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Need. To. Make. (glove boned, of course)

Hmm, I know I can get unsliced sides of bacon... maybe hot-smoke a side of raw bacon and stuff it in the middle?posted by porpoise at 10:58 AM on November 21, 2008

Yep. If you're not going to do it right, don't bother, and if you bother anyway, certainly don't post it on the internet.

That said, this is making me wonder how many different porks I can tastefully and artfully combine. I was already going to stuff a pork loin, and it would be easy--and delicious--to add pork sausage to the stuffing...posted by uncleozzy at 11:10 AM on November 21, 2008

In uncooked form, that thing is terrifying. It wouldn't even occur to me that it was food. It looks like the head and shoulders of some horrible skinned demon and my first impulse would be to run out of the room before the fucker saw me and stood up.posted by kittens for breakfast at 11:24 AM on November 21, 2008

Only in uncooked form?posted by gurple at 11:25 AM on November 21, 2008

Actually I find the thing more disturbing in cooked form. Uncooked, it looks like a prop from a bad horror movie. Cooked, it looks like something that some crazy person, someday, might try to serve me at a meal.

uncleozzy : I was already going to stuff a pork loin, and it would be easy--and delicious--to add pork sausage to the stuffing...

There's a great local butcher near me that sells their "famous" stuffed pork chops and one day my husband and I bought four of them. First of all these things are about five inches thick. Secondly, we were amazed to discover that they were not stuffed with any kind of bread-based stuffing, but with...Pork Sausage! Pork, stuffed with a huge amount of pork! (I still sometimes have flashbacks to the pure overindulgence of MEAT that these things were.)

A couple of weeks ago I was hanging out with a good friend from high school, who lives near me, but whom I rarely see. This is a nice, mild-mannered guy who also happens to be completely un-savvy of anything relating to pop-culture or, in particular, teh interwebs.

So as we're making cheeseburgers, his wife asks if I'd like bacon on that cheeseburger (as naturally I would.) Without thinking aboiut it, I make some sort of reference to this comment, whereupon my friend damn near loses his shit.

"What's this sudden deal with bacon? I don't get it! I mean, I like bacon and everything, but why is bacon supposedly now the greatest thing ever and the funniest thing ever and... I just don't get it!"

I didn't have the heart to tell him that at that exact moment I realized that all of hipster culture is an elaborate joke on him personally.posted by Navelgazer at 1:30 PM on November 21, 2008 [3 favorites]

What they ought to have done was to fill that thing with some almonds, wurst, and whiskey, and then to saturate it with an infusion of something like a chipotle cranberry cheddar/apple brie sauce mixture. Douse it in some port if baked, sage oil if deep-fried.posted by Demogorgon at 1:35 PM on November 21, 2008

Ah yes, I see the Multi-bird Roast zamboni linked to has the right idea.

Do we know if keeping Kosher is required in the afterlife? I mean, God's chosen people deserve a few perks in the afterlife for keeping the faith.posted by GuyZero at 2:22 PM on November 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Turkey > Barn Owl > Condor > Duck > Chicken

(For this to work though, you have to use ground owl, which is kind of a cop-out.)posted by Sys Rq at 4:25 PM on November 21, 2008

Hey, I like bacon as much as the next guy.... >_>... Well, maybe not that guy... but bacontoday.com?posted by lyam at 4:42 PM on November 21, 2008

In other news, Sarah Palin gives an interview while turkeys are decapitated in the background.

Bacomoosturublican feeds 40, and makes wonderful sandwiches.posted by swell at 4:43 PM on November 21, 2008

You know, my friends camp at burning man last year was called "bacon without borders". Many many pounds of bacon were cooked and served. There was a whole pig.

We're all pretty crazy about bacon. And have committed some interesting culinary acts in pursuit of bacon. The plans for next year are amusing in scale, even if we only only manage a tenth of them.

But BaconToday.com is just too well put together. I am not comfortable with that level of professional presentation in bacon obsession.

I do want a bacon wrapped turducken, though. Yum. I wonder if it would work deep fried?posted by flaterik at 5:57 PM on November 21, 2008

The cooked concoction looked mouth-wateringly good after pulling it out of the oven.

This term, "mouth-wateringly good"? I do not think it means what you think it means.posted by piratebowling at 6:18 PM on November 21, 2008

I served turducken. Turducken was a friend of mine. You, chicken and duck pieces stuffed willy-nilly into a turkey, are no turducken.

That said, a layer of bacon alongside the stuffing layers might make for some awesomeness, and some bacon latticed atop any sort of roulade is a welcome addition. This? This is stupid and fail served with large ladle of weak sauce.posted by Slap*Happy at 7:30 PM on November 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

I can't imagine the interior bacon--and the poultry skin under it--could be anything but rubbery and fatty and unpleasant. This is a bad idea.

Bacon is a great food, but a piss poor novelty item.posted by neroli at 7:59 PM on November 21, 2008

flateric - unfortunately, turducken can't theoretically be deep fried. Too much meat mass in the middle to get cooked through even with the handle-thingy going through the middle of it as a heat conductor.

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