Lawsuits

That poor Joslyn James can’t catch a break. First the porn star falls in love with Tiger Woods, only to have him dump her after she risks revealing their relationship by approaching him in public. Adding insult to injury, she then learned she wasn’t the married superstar’s only chick on the side, and promptly hired celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred to help her get the apology she feels she deserves—an apology that has yet to come despite holding press conferences immediately after Tiger’s and posting his sexy texts online. Now she’s suffered her greatest indignity yet, being kicked out of a Ritz-Carlton in Charlotte, NC—possibly because Tiger might have been staying there too.

Though Allred claims in her letter to the hotel that she only learned after the fact that Tiger might be staying there (even though James has been trailing the golfer, stripping in Atlanta during the Masters), she’s outraged a multi-millionaire athlete would gain preferential treatment over a spurned porn star. “We are appalled to think that you might have chosen to accommodate a rich, famous golfer who has admitted lying to his wife, his fans, his business associates and others over a woman whose heart he has broken, and whose only fault is that she fell madly in love with Tiger Woods.”

Now Allred is demanding a “thorough investigation of this regrettable incident” and an “appropriate remedy.” Here’s one, Gloria: Don’t stalk Tiger, take that “iBone” off the net and let this sad spectacle die already. [via TMZ]

Jennifer Lopez must have seen something in ex-husband Ojani Noa when she married him, but after his constant wahmbulance rides, we’re not seeing it. Last year, we reported that Noa felt victimized after J. Lo put a stop to the release of personal home movies recorded on their honeymoon, which Noa intended to use for a mockumentary titled How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The JLo and Ojani Noa Story. Yeaaah, maybe don’t try to capitalize on your much-more-famous ex-wife with something so skeevy, Ojani. Noa was previously sued by Lopez after writing a tell-all book about their marriage which violated a confidentiality clause in their divorce settlement.

Today, we learned that Noa is still whining about the situation, saying “The lawsuit put me through so much pain and frustration.” He is declaring bankruptcy as a result, and hilariously, to make money, he had hoped to sell the tapes he was prevented from showing. Seriously, who’s advising this guy? Not someone who thinks things through. And lest you think the only thing on his resume is “Jennifer Lopez’ Ex,” Noa has tried to get jobs the legit way. He’s a model-actor (of course he is), but he explains “I can’t go to work because anytime I go to a casting, people are afraid to hire me because of the judgment on my head. [They are] skeptical [because] of what I’m going through.” Or maybe they just don’t want you to secretly film them and be turned into a mockumentary.

Even he knows it now: any lawyer that would represent Jon Gosselin is not someone you’d want to represent you. Our favorite reality dad tweeted this morning that he has fired Anthony List only weeks after the former assistant U.S. attorney filed to remove Jon’s child support obligations and seek primary custody (“I terminated him on April 15, 2010…He has no legal right to speak to the press or anyone on my behalf”). According to JoGo, he never wanted to take custody from Kate in the first place. “[List] filed for that…I only wanted a more flexible custody schedule so I could be with my kids,” he told TMZ, adding that he still plans to pay child support. “I just can’t afford the $22,000 a month right now. That is why I’m trying to find a job.” Kate’s lawyers mocked List’s work, claiming there wasn’t even an address listed on the court papers. Jon now says he and the suits are working together “amicably” to resolve the matter.

Thankfully for them, any new friends he’s making in her legal team won’t be asked if he can crash in their den. While JoGo has yet to find any TV hosting gigs, your boy is at least fulfilling his parental obligation to find sex partners (hey, according to Life & Style, screwing is very important for single parents). “He has a new 40-something, Washington, D.C. love interest,” someone who cares told Us Weekly. “She’s rich—and he’s hoping to have her back one of his projects.” While we can’t believe any woman still wants to catch a ride on JoGo’s star, we’re comforted to at least see him finally aiming for ladies his age and older. Sugar moms we sort of get, but sugar nieces? Ew.

Lil Wayne is currently in jail, where he’s serving a one-year sentence for attempted criminal possession of a weapon. The good news is that he’s expected to be released after eight months if he serves with good behavior (which hopefully mean 8 months until The Carter IV). The bad news is that that jailbird rapper has been hit with $500,000-plus suit by Jim Jonsin, the producer of his Grammy-winning song “Lollipop.”

Jonsin claims that the star hasn’t coughed up any of the royalties owed to producer for his work on the hit song. Wayne’s already in jail; it’d be wise to pay up before more trouble comes his way. Stay tuned for more of the legal drama.

While that lawsuit from Steven Seagal‘s “sex slave” has dredged up plenty of other stories about the action star’s way with the ladies (including Jenny McCarthy being asked to strip at an audition for Under Siege 2), few of the women in his life—and there have been a few—have come forward to give their two cents. While admitting she was “not surprised” by the allegations, ex-wife Kelly LeBrock refused to tell TMZ “anything specific” because of the three children they had during their ten year marriage. However, more may be forthcoming. “I have many shocking things to say about Mr. Seagal which will be known soon when my book comes out.” Apparently, bringing up their kids just meant she just wouldn’t give up the dirt for free.

Maybe the lack of women joining Kayden Nguyen in the accuser’s chair has something to do with Seagal’s aggressive legal attack on his former “personal assistant.” The actor is not only filing to have her suit moved to arbitration and accusing her of breaking a confidentiality agreement, but asking her to pay his legal fees, guaranteeing a hefty price if he’s found innocent (Nguyen hasn’t filed criminal charges against Seagal despite describing multiple attempted assaults). Still, at least one new accusation has followed this scandal. According to TMZ, the Glimmer Man has made several of his assistants remove his shoes upon request—though thankfully, not his socks.

Between his federal tax liens and the legal battle with the ex-manager he accused of driving him to “financial ruin,” many have wondered if Cage will finally curb his extravagant lifestyle. But as long as he keeps earning those big Hollywood paychecks (the actor starred in four movies last year—two animated—and has three more set for 2010 after Kick-Ass), it looks like he’ll still be free to blow our minds on-screen and off. Tip your hat to the most eccentric megastar in Hollywood—he gave his son Superman’s Kryptonian name—by checking out our Nic Cage mega-gallery below.

It would be irresponsible of us to let the public believe that being a part of this show from its inception has been anything but a blessing. We have no first-hand knowledge of what Nicollette may or may not have experienced, but we would never characterize our set as a hostile environment.It is, in fact, the opposite. The friendships and support that Marc Cherry, the cast, the crew and the producers have shared for the past six years have made this a wonderful job that we are grateful for every day.

Don’t get your hopes up for a second season, Lawman fans. ’90s action star Steven Seagal is accused of forcing employees to basically serve as his sex slaves in a lawsuit filed by Kayden Nguyen, a former personal assistant. “Mr. Seagal has been keeping two young female Russian ‘Attendants’ on staff who were available for his sexual needs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week…Her first night at the house, Ms. Nguyen give him a massage. He then proceeded to treat Ms. Nguyen as her sex toy.” Nguyen also accuses Seagal of forcing her to take illegal pills and shining a flashing attached to a gun at her when she tried to leave his Louisiana home in a cab. Seagal also reportedly refused to return her belongings when she refused to sign a release involving potential harassment charges (read the lawsuit at Radar).

Unsurprisingly, Seagal’s attorney denies her claims (Nguyen notably hasn’t contacted the police about filing criminal charges). “The lawsuit…is a ridiculous and absurd claim by a disgruntled ex-employee who was fired. The claims in her lawsuit are a complete fabrication without a scintilla of truth…I am extremely confident this meritless lawsuit will be dismissed…Her lawsuit is nothing more than a preemptive strike by a disgruntled ex-employee.” Whether or not the allegations are true, we probably won’t be able to hear Seagal’s blues classic “Girl, It’s All Right” the same way again.

Understandably, Kate’s legal team isn’t impressed by this move. “We haven’t received any formal filing yet but I can’t imagine anything farther from the truth,” said her attorney Mark Momijan (was he picked for the last name?). “Kate is a devoted mother. Her concern for the welfare of her kids is so prominent that any allegations like this report are reckless and so far from the mark, it’s offensive.” Leaving her to provide for the children (JoGo can’t get a normal job, remember?) only to throw it back in her face does seem shady, but if he promises to stay couchbound during their growing years—which shouldn’t be a problem—this might not be a bad thing for the kids. Just don’t let him pick out the clothes.

Looks like the insane plot lines on Desperate Housewives have leeched their way out into the real world – truth is stranger than fiction these days when it comes to the cast and crew of the series. Nicollette Sheridan, whose character Edie was killed off last season, is suing show creator Marc Cherry for assault and battery and wrongful termination among other things, to the tune of $20 million.

The lawsuit claims that while filming in the fall of 2008, “Sheridan questioned Cherry about something that was in the script, [and] Cherry took her aside and forcefully hit her with his hand across her face and head.” Cherry apologized and begged forgiveness, but Sheridan complained to the ABC brass anyway and Cherry retaliated by killing her off the show months later at the end of the season. The suit also says that Cherry’s behavior was hostile toward other cast members including Teri Hatcher. Sheridan says that her termination from the show has resulted in “her losing millions in future earnings.” ABC investigated the situation and found Sheridan’s accusations to be without merit, but one thing is for sure – this definitely rules out a back-from-the-dead/evil twin plot line for the future.