Shining Star affidavit: ‘We just restocked on the nitrous’

It’s hard picking out the best lines from the affidavit detailing an undercover investigator’s recent visits to Shining Star Enterprises on Lark Street in Albany — trips that were recorded on audio and video, and helped earn the store a lawsuit from Attorney General Eric Schneiderman’s office.

The legal action, which resulted in an immediate temporary restraining order against the store and several more statewide, was announced by the AG’s office on Tuesday.

Our picks:

A clerk, who at the end of the affidavit is revealed to be Shining Star co-owner Dan Heins, speaks: “Now the salvia … is rather … other worldly. I don’t really recommend it. I only give it to people who ask for it. They have to beg and plead actually. No, I’m exaggerating … but umm, I wouldn’t really want to suggest it. It’s a very psychedelic experience, but it’s not exactly psychedelic experience like psychedelic LSD or something like that other especially, ah that other stuff … Um, it’s not quite so happy go lucky.”

From the investigator: “[The same clerk] said salvia is good if you ‘[h]ave a lot of mind control in the first place’ or ‘explore a lot into meditation’ you might ‘find it intriguing.'”

“[The clerk] then went on to describe products named Glide (Ex. A) and Flight. ‘It’s like 300 minutes of feeling really really really really really really really really really really really really really good … and then it just stops like *that* (snapping fingers).’ The Glide product had a similar effect, but only for 150-minutes. ‘After 150-minutes, BOOM, you’re back.’ I told him I would take one of his Glide 150 (Ex. A).”

“He told me to take one capsule of the kratom (Ex. B), wait an hour, and then decide if I want to take more or not. He then appeared to get confused and said, ‘I’m not sure if it’s take two and then two more or one then one more.'” He then shrugged and said ‘I think it’s two.'”

“I then asked to see a bottle of the liquid kratom (Ex. C). He said ‘Ah, the liquid kratom! Very adventuresome!’ and handed me the bottle.”

“As I entered the store [later the same day] I recognized the same male clerk working that assisted me in my earlier visit to the store. The clerk asked what I was looking to purchase. I told him ‘nitrous.’ He replied ‘Ah! You have good timing. We just restocked on the nitrous.'”

Shining Star is still not picking up the phone, and its proprietors haven’t responded to phone and Facebook messages. Update: Igor Broos finally returned my message to say that he hasn’t worked at Shining Star since April. He describes his role there as “general manager,” although his LinkedIn resume uses the perhaps grandiloquent term “Chief Executive Officer.”