Thursday, June 18, 2009

Problem: Fat Kids | Solution: Breeder Czar

Today I was watching Your World w/Neil Cavuto on FNC…Yes, I watch that show and yes, I like it. Anyhoo…Neil had Richard Simmons on. Yeah…him….Simmons was lobbying to be the Obama Administration’s Fat Czar. Simmons, an Obama supporter, wants to make kids more fit by force feeding them healthy foods at school while Simmonsing up gym class (my words, not his). What ten-year-old, fat kid doesn’t think Richard Simmons is cool? Yeah…you’re right, elementary school kids don’t have a clue who in the hell Richard Simmons is…but don’t tell him that, he might cry in his short-shorts.

I agree with Simmons on a couple of points. The first and most obvious one is that there are a lot of fat kids in this country. The other is that adding a tax on fattier foods is not the answer to childhood obesity or obesity in general. But, taking soda machines out of schools and cheese pizza off of school lunch menus doesn’t solve the problem either…last time I checked kids eat other places besides school. Also, the fat kid that brought in five bologna sandwiches from home doesn’t benefit from a change on the lunch menu…and making him participate in Sweating to the Oldies Vol. 59 for 30 extra minutes during PE isn’t gonna burn the calories in one of his favorite mystery meat with mayonnaise treats.

I was thinking…If you’re gonna go as far as to police what kids eat at school…why not take it a step further. Some argue that unhealthy food options are cheaper; making obesity an economic issue. So, how about not letting poor people have children? Some argue that people with lower IQs or inadequate educations don’t understand the importance of healthy eating. So, how about not letting stupid people have children? We don't need a Fat Czar we need a Breeder Czar.

No really…I’m on to something. Think about it. No more stupid, poor, fat kids or parents to take care of. Talk about killing two birds, I just killed a whole flock (it’s a metaphor people…look it up) no more Welfare, healthcare costs would go down along with the population and therefore greenhouse gases and the threat of Global Warming. Our planet would be saved and only smart, fit, middle-class and classier people would live upon it. I’m not sure what to do about the ugly folks…but as they say…Rome wasn’t built in a day.