I have just been talking to our friend who comes every week and makes living easier. She a beautiful soul and someone I can cry in front of; and many times I have. She reminded me this morning of why we have tears, the purpose behind them. I always say that a tear is pain we have within us being released in a natural way. When people grieve there are tears, when we have pain there are tears. Yet so many are used to holding them back. Do we think that holding back tears is a good thing. Why is it a good thing? So others can’t see weakness maybe. So you continue to look strong in others eyes. Well that’s a pride thing, to even worry about what someone else things can be pride. It is also something that means we are considering others which is a good thing so we should not confuse the two.

I remember when I was having I C E chemo to prepare me for my transplant how painful it was. Yet tears back then were just releasing the pain given to me by that nasty chemo. I had to break it down into sections. Sections that meant I had small goals that I achieved even through the tears there could be victory. Small goals are important. Tears seem never ending when dealing with grief sometimes. I liken it to a tunnel, a dark black tunnel that seems to have consumed you. But as I am sat here writing this blog on Friday 9th November 12.09pm. I have realised something. That even a hole has to have an end, be it the other side or the bottom of it. A tunnel has an end, in fact often there is light at the end. It leads me to think about the real purpose of a tear. While we know tears cleanse our bodies, releasing chemicals that are not required. Do they not also cleanse our soul.

You know that the bible even teaches us as Jesus talked to his disciples, preparing them for his death. Saying

“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds”

This verse has been translated over and over again. Some miss it’s purpose. But in honesty it’s Jesus way of teaching us that what we want to be, who we are proud of. Has to die, or we will not be the blessing to others that we hope to be.

Tears are symbolic of pain being released from our bodies and are an integral part for us to reach the end of our journey. Tears are NOT a sign of weakness they are your bodies way of dealing with things. It’s a natural way for us to gain strength in the future. Actually I would go so far as to say the purpose of this blog is to help you realise that tears have a purpose. They are there for our benefit. Letting tears go, helps us to heal. They really do, each one is a part of your pain smashing to the ground and never to return. Allowing yourself time to grieve over what ever it is that’s changed in your life is very important.

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Did you know that cancer carers and suffers suffer grief. Do you know why? It’s because part of you is no longer going to be you in the future. So some hold back the tears, it’s their way of holding onto who we are not what we will become. I can’t believe that I am having to look at new ways of being mobile as the pain in my hips does not ever disappear. It takes a colossal amount of pain killers just to get we up and out the house. Yet even in that there are positives to find. But let’s not digress.

While the old you maybe gone, while someone you love maybe gone. While the life you knew maybe different, our bodies empathise and wants you to come to that important place of acceptance .

What you were will never be who you become anyway, so tears are a good thing, they pave the way for the new you that you will become.

The one thing cancer treatment does do for us, is give us a goal. It gives us a series of days that make us cry, yet when the tears subside. We will see sunshine on a different day, we will leave the journey behind and although the affects of treatment are not pleasant. The fact we have life still remains. Allow yourself to cry, allow your body to deal with what you are going through. It’s important for you to be able to empathise with others, having gone through the tunnel others that face it will want to know about your experiences.

Tears actually lead to strength. The question is after reading this blog post will you “hold back the tears” or will you allow yourself to be the new you that you are becoming?

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share
with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some
one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

Wow, the meeting I had today; maybe I will tell you about ‘the man in the mirror ‘ one day. But hey not to fast I need you to know about some other things first. Not least being a blog I must write called ‘Perspective’. Maybe a tool that’s used to get to the acceptance bridge. Imagine if you will, a bridge in front of you, the bridge leads to somewhere else. Yet your struggling to cross it, medication, pain, hurt and stubbornness are in the way along with, hospital visits, more medicine, distraction, feelings of failure, and thoughts of giving up. Wanting to be who we were bing the biggest and deepest crevasse between you and the bridge are there for a reason.

You see, people see the bridge as, a bridge to far. The last effort and what would remain of yourself when you get to the other side. Well that was me anyway, and I can’t see that I am much different to anyone else. The acceptance bridge has worry, uncertainty, despair and fear on the bridge all of which we need to face and move away from. Yet some of what’s on the bridge will be on the other side also. Crossing the bridge is a very pivotal point in our lives. People always want what we were and not what we will become. Yet what we become has many gifts. Perseverance, experience, hope, love, and faithfulness. There are many more gifts across the other side to. We will have been honed, moulder and made into a quite possibly better you. Your experiences will have taught you how to be strong. That tears are ok, that it’s ITS OK TO NOT BE OK that many things we were are ok to be in the past.

What we hope for, what we dream of. The things we experience in our lives help us to be able to Empathise with others where if we had not been where we were. Then how could we possibly be able to.

The acceptance bridge is special and no bridge is the same they are all unique. No one one can walk over your bridge. ONLY YOU! No one can take your place it’s your bridge made up of your life, your choices and things you have beaten conquered and helped people through. You are amazing that’s for sure, but I want you to believe with me that crossing the bridge means you will be empowered to do things in the future. Your experience is what will help you across.

The bridge means this, Accepting who you were and looking forwards to who you are and will become. Because once you accept, what was. That enduring that in your life has meant you are a new you and a better you because of what you were. What’s the point in regret anyway. Let’s look forwards to what lies ahead on the other side of the bridge. Embrace it and move forwards knowing you past is not a part of your future but it has helped you become who you are today.

Accept who you were and allow yourself to look back, but only to see how far you have come. You may not be as strong physically. But your stronger in other ways because of the choices others made and you so you have become the diamond you are. Walk across the acceptance bridge and embrace who you have become.

stop trying to be who you were, and accept who you are. God accepts you, so why won’t you. Life is Gods gift to you, what you do with it is your gift to God.

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share
with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some
one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

How can watching the Invictus games not inspire us. How can we not be inspired by people’s stories. As you have probably realised I have been watching the Invictus games. It made me realise that we need each other. Not needing anyone are thoughts of my distant past. I don’t know what would have happened to me had it not been for my wife. But also those that are honest with me. It’s 06.33 and I have been up for 2 hours. So I thought I would finish this blog post as it feels like quite an important one to me.

You have heard me repeat my late mother in laws sentence.

“It’s not what we do when someone is gone that matters, it’s what we did in their lives that truly matters.” Norma Winn

What ever it is that you did for someone can have a lasting impact on their lives, yet you thought it was just a passing quip, or something you said thoughtfully. The words from Norma always flick around in my head adding myself “that it’s better to do something than nothing” you have a lot to give as a person. I without doubt have been left with a disability because of my treatment. I could just shrivel up and give up, but I don’t because I know how important it is to keep giving to people. We are only here once and I feel it’s a privilege to even have had a chance to live on this planet. How grateful I am to be able to give something to someone. Even if it’s just something said to encourage them.

People get inspired by what people do. I like to do little things like tell someone how gorgeous they are. The other day I was in a supermarket and I saw a lady struggling to get something off the top shelf. I took it off for her and put it in her hand. (She was about 80.) as I put it in her hand I told her how beautiful she was, whilst holding her hand. A tear rolled down her cheek and I kissed her on that cheek and carried on with my shopping. I saw her again as she was paying for her food. She was talking about me, saying how happy she was that I talked to her.

You see you don’t know where someone is at in their lives. I believe if you think it then you should do it. Think it you should say it. Think it you should be it. Now this is not the same for everyone because I know someone who if he said everything that was in their head. There would be more problems than before. The good things we think are what we need to.

You have what someone else needs. You are someone’s tonic, someone’s life line even. Life’s a privilege, and it’s something we have been given as a gift. That’s Gods gift to us. ‘Life’ but our gift to him is what we do with it. I like to encourage people with mine. What do you do with yours?

Next time you think you should say or do something, do that. You thought it for a reason. You have what someone else needs. But will you give it to them?

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share
with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some
one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

STOP, just stop and read this when you can make a moment. What is it your striving for? The next best thing? A bigger house? Getting more money? A pay rise, the next one? Is everything and everyone you come into contact with about you? Is it that your always thinking about what you can GET as apposed to what you can enjoy.

I know I have fallen short of that, and as Robbie Williams says. “Youth is wasted on the young” why? Because only when your older do your really start to look around you. A shire horse has blinkers on so that it can focus on the job in hand. Rather than being able to see all that’s around the horse and may spook it. For sure there is a time to focus. But while that’s important, it’s equally important to enjoy your life and all that’s around you. Life’s a gift not a challenge. Life’s for loving, for appreciating all it has to offer. If your unsure of what I mean read my last blog EMPATHY

Life should not be a struggle it should have within it time, time for others, time for those you love, and time for you to appreciate the world you have all around you. A dear friend of mine and I were talking today about the value in things verses the value of time. Things are never good enough, if they are our God. Things take your time, and can perhaps waste time. Here’s the question. “How much time do you have?” Just ponder that for moment? Ponder that verses the new kitchen, new bathroom or time.

It’s an interesting one, to me and I am sure that you may just choose to hold hands with someone, or spend some time with that friend you keep making excuses for not seeing. Intentions and actions are so very different aren’t they. Even if they do support City!

So my question to you this weekend is this. Will you this weekend give time to someone, will you put the thought of things on the back burner. Look I am materialistic and if one thing I am learning is that, time I should not have had is making my focus change. It’s changing naturally from wanting a possession to enjoying time, time with people that matter to me. Time to be kind to myself. But more importantly time to appreciate what we do have not what we could have. True then to say that when the state of mind is to appreciate, be grateful, and happy with the place you live and the people you have chosen for your friends. Your responsible for what you strive for or what you enjoy. It’s the choice between contentment or pressure on yourself. Who likes pressure anyway.

I think my friend was fearful the swing may break!!

Do yourself a favour and appreciate the kitchen you have, enjoy the flowers you planted in your yard. Say thank you for what you do have and be content with what you have. Stop caring what someone else thinks, it’s got nothing to do with you anyway has it.

Take some pictures of the people and beauty all around you. I took this picture on holiday in Turkey. And as I walked behind my friends that I was spending time with. I realised the people in the picture didn’t have much but they were all doing 1 thing. (Giving time to each other) but more over they were happy with what they have. The people they were with, and the place they were in. Because what mattered more to them was TIME I have blogged about that to.

I hope it’s you this blog was meant for, and I hope you tell me on Sunday night what you did with your time?

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share
with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some
one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You ever thought about Empathy, how important a word it is. Or even what it’s true meaning is? It’s something that people do not use; unless they have experienced something similar to another. Unless we have been through something similar to someone else, we don’t have the gift of empathy. We can only sympathise with someone. Although it’s a great thing to be able to sympathise with someone’s situation, we can all do it. We all know how to sympathise. Yet to be able to Empathise is but a special gift.

To empathise we have to have worn the t shirt, to have walked the steps someone else has and have experienced a similar journey. That’s why our Cancer stories group on Facebook is so special. We all have walked in each other’s shoes and know how hard it is to walk those steps. A story comes to my mind that’s very off piste or shall we say a different topic all together. Yet those that understand will empathise with me.

Oh how I remember so well being in a service (church service) in okehampton Devon. When the welsh pastor David, with great passion and vigour. Put his shoes in the middle of the isle. He had been getting criticised for his methods. But you know how, behind his back. People were slating him. So he asked everybody in the church if they would like to step into his shoes, that if they thought they could do a better job. That he would step down and let someone else. No one empathised and no one stepped in his shoes. He carried on for many years later.

An example of how empathy can help someone in their life is, something we have endured personally. We can put our arm around the person knowing that we can encourage them that they can. That although difficult we know how hard it is. But we have come out of the other side. It’s like that with this blog. That I empathise with many people on many different levels because of the terrible bone marrow transplant I have had. I understand the risks and the euphoria at being able to beat the beast they call cancer. That although I was given weeks to live that I still have life. Sad then that people don’t use the opportunity to use the special gift of Empathy.

People say, “It happened for a reason” what a load of rubbish that I got cancer for a reason. But wait, don’t I always find a positive somewhere? Well the positive is Empathy because unless you have suffered something yourself then how can you empathise with another. It’s a special gift and maybe just maybe you can give someone hope because of your experiences. Yes Cancer or any disease is terrible. My wife lost both her parents to cancer at 59 and 63. Yet she is able to empathise with people that lose their parents to early. Life’s a gift and so are our experiences if we choose to shift our perspective.

Pistyll Rhaeadr near Llangynog north wales.

You think it’s a small trickle till you see the bigger picture.

See it’s not what’s happened or happening to us that has to change. It’s how we look at it in our own minds that truly matters. Using the things that have made us miserable to give someone else hope. That they may learn that there is light at the end of their tunnel like there was in yours. You see even in death there is something to bless someone with. So I am writing this that you may see a different way of thinking, in the hope that others will be blessed because of you. Because of what you have endured someone will find blessing, hope and comfort. Just because you have empathised with another. Such a special gift, yet so many people leave the wrapping on and the beautiful bow and never open the box of Empathy because it hurts so much. Yet when it’s opened, so much can be given to someone else because of you.

Amazing don’t you think. So next time you have the opportunity. What will you do? Empathise, or sympathise?

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share
with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some
one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

This Turkey holiday has taught me a valuable lesson. One that will change the course of my life for ever. A seemingly throw away statement from a friend to me. Leaning on our balcony having a friendly chat to my dear friend Johnny. It’s the biggest lie we tell and the most often. Why is it that our response to “Are you alright” is “Yea ok thanks”when we are so not. It’s funny because not very long ago I gave an honest answer to my day when he asked if I was ok. We talked about how I was feeling, my dad and Mom (I spell it like that) to.

True friends want to know how you truly feel when they ask that question. Do we not do them an injustice by just saying that your fine when your not? Should we not give them more respect. Should we not say “Actually I am not” to be honest with ourselves aswell as others.

You all know I suffer greatly with nerve pain and find it hard just to communicate sometimes. Pain can be really debilitating and can seriously affect all aspects of life. It’s ok to not be ok, is a new way of thinking for me. Many hours out of a day I am not ok. But yet now I find I am able to deal with it purely by my new way of thinking, compliments to my dear friend that is always so honest with me.

He continued by saying that he accepts me warts and all and does not want to change me. only for me to realise that its ok to Not be ok. Its a revalation to me and will help me mentally in the future. I think there are only a few pwople i can say that i am not ok to and thats ok. Yet oh so many people just think your winging and want you to be positive all the time.

Well i am sorry, its not possible and just to be able to say “actually i am having a bad day” is release in itself, to feel valued enough that your honest with a person is priceless. its nice to ask someone how they are but, the response is of great value also. why cant we just be honest, and say it how it really is. i guess being able to do that means you have a true friend, someone that truly cares. How much balue does that hold for you, or do you actually cover up how you feel and are not even hoest with yourself.

I love to be honest with our Cancer stories group, because we empathise with each other on different levels. That brings me onto tomorrows post which is on the word Empathy. Not everyone can empathise and that to is a special gift. So what will you choose to be next time your asked if your ok? Will you be honest or just cover up as normal. I think being able to be honest with yourself, and with others is a very special way to be.

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share
with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some
one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

Do you ever do that? Worry about what someone thinks of you, then that changes the course of your day. Your month or even your year. Words are cheap, yet they can have a lasting effect on someone’s life. What you say to yourself can be unhealthy, even damaging to yourself. Maybe you value another’s opinion to highly, you stop doing what you want to do because your worried about what someone thinks of you.

“To love oneself ” whote Oscar Wilde “is the beginning of a life long romance!”

Well I am going to stop chastising myself, stop changing my direction because someone’s opinion is different to mine. My opinion matters. But more than that, being restricted by someone else’s standards. Because you don’t want them to see you. Putting on a face all the time, and not allowing myself the moments of ‘not being ok’ that sometimes your not happy and the constant pain does indeed sleigh the giant from time to time. That it’s ok to feel something, to feel something means an incredible thing. It means you have something that can’t be bought, you can’t see it, you can’t borrow it, or be given it. Yet something more powerful than you would believe.

PASSiON!

If you feel it you have a drive others don’t, yet passion comes from integrity and doing what you believe to be 100% honest and true. No non. You either have passion or you don’t. You can’t do anything to get it. It’s a gift.

So in short I owe it to myself and everyone who will read this. To be myself, and to be ok with not being ok. That people actually like the normal mark. The mark that has integrity. (Thanks Rob Fischbeck)

What ever it is you do, don’t cut your nose off to spite your face. Embrace what you may learn and move forwards being kind and gentle towards yourself. People will like the real you, I know I have tried it many times.

Like this:

Today I want to talk about you; to explain that there is nothing to stop you from achieving your goal. The only person that stands in the way of you achieving what you want to is YOU. Yet you have the ability to achieve what you want or love to do. Your not the best you can be, but you can be a better you today than you were yesterday. So this is how I live each day with my pain.

I start each day with something positive. I don’t focus on the things that that hinder me like my chronic nerve pain that wants everyday to make me negative. I focus on the amazing parts of the world that are incredible. No morning when I wake do I speak to myself about what is seen as not possible. My focus is on hope faith and what is possible. Sometimes when we look at the big picture like beating cancer, we have to go back to basics and encourage ourselves with the smaller things that we CAN do. Can’t is an evil word. Yet in that word there is positive sentiments which is can. Focusing on what we can do brings us to a place of peace. When we remind ourselves of those things we can do. Even such small things as being able to breath, communicate and spread happiness is a special gift. Believing in yourself starts with positivity and the focus of what can be done.

What ever it is in this world you want to get out of it. Is possible. Do what you love and focus first on what is possible rather than the situation you find yourself in. Believe in yourself and put one step forward towards your goal. No journey can be started unless we first make the first step. A friend of mine in my lowest point sent me the new song.

Believe in yourself, bin what the world would have you believe is not possible. Believe in yourself and keep moving forwards. Make your first step and believe in today. You can be what ever you want to be today. But you first need to believe in yourself. You can! Months to live without treatment they said. That was 8 years ago and although my chronic pain holds me back I still am doing what I can do. Writing this to you and maybe, just maybe this post helps you to believe in you. That you will start your journey today.

When I travelled Australia and New Zealand I had to make steps. Sell my house and make my journey. I have memories that no one can take away from me because I got on that plane. But remember it’s one day at a time and we have to believe that we can. Hope and faith are priceless. So are you! Your amazing and you can do what ever it is you believe you can do. I was feeling so low that I wanted to end my life, but just having my friend send me this song helped me to believe in myself and keep doing despite my difficulties. Your special Believe it! I do!

Over the last few days I have been breaking my heart, the loss of my friend from my school days has really ripped into me. So I have had to go through a process of elimination. To take each step as I find it, yet realising such a hard lesson. That friendships (some at least) were never meant to be permanent. It is indeed right to compare this to a tree.

Our Damson tree

During my journey through life, I have expected to much from people due to my willingness to give so much. Yet I find in this time of deep sadness at a friend from schools death. That I have wasted so much time being disappointed! It’s my fault I have been this way. I expected to much of those around me.

Taken from Simons Facebook.

I have said many times. “That if you have more than 5 true friends it’s to many.”

Take a tree. We will use the tree as an example of people in our lives. That some people we meet are like leaves, that it’s beautiful to see them. But they are there for a purpose (maybe bear fruit) and a short time. The time could be as long as 6 months but one day you won’t even see them again. A gust of wind will come and their life will take a new direction and they will actually be “gone with the wind”

Others are part of the tree but through periods of no rain.(not seeing each other) the twigs break off and carried away by some way that may not be nature. Maybe a dog picks it up and moves it somewhere else. Not everything will go the way we want it to. Because there are to many things outside of our control. People move and you lose touch. Yet you remember them with such fondness. As you get older you know more people, and of course more people will have come in and out of your life.

My wife always says, “it’s the people who are prepared to push the limo when it’s out of fuel that are true friends” even some people at work we find out are actually real friends.

One of my true friends is without doubt a root that holds your tree in the ground. There will not be a time when we lose that. Your parents and siblings should be those roots and your faith should be the tap root. The strongest root of all.

My mistakes in life, are always that I expected to much of people, disappointment and low feelings of upset and of loss of joy.

Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life” but that’s not correct on it’s own. The next part reads “No one comes to the father except through me” things are great to have, and I have enjoyed things a lot in my life. Experiences, home, love, and patience. Yet I have wondered in my life, why people don’t do what they say they will. Because it’s something I do my best to do.

Well let me start again, to move forwards with no expectations rather that than the disappointment I have had all of my life. If in life your expectations are exceeded, surly that is kinder on yourself than expecting more than you were ready for. We are all growing and just because someone grows apart, or in a different way, or even place. That does not mean it should or could be hurtful. It comes back again to our own perspectives then doesn’t it surely.

Love what you have right now, but don’t expect something or someone to be in your future because that may not be in the master plan.

I remember going and watching Oasis at Heaton Park in Manchester. Wow what an amazing experience that was. Yet I can’t stand the group. My wife made a sign, her mum Norma died at age 63. We sent the sign forwards as she grew up on the same estate as the oasis brothers did. The sign read.

“Norma would have been here, but it was not a part of the Master plan”

So my friend, thanks for all the times we shared. Thanks for the love you gave in your life that you chose to end. I won’t forget you. After all you were the first to say hi by that tuck shop. Brigsy. You never truly found peace, you always were looking for something else. But what you looked for always shined, people that were fun. Yet now it’s time to say goodbye. but knowing that now for sure you have found peace. You can rest now Si.

I will never forget the rocky film 4 when Adrian says to Rocky as he is about to fight the Russian. I cried when she said the words “YOU CANT WIN” that’s what the world would have me believe sat in this room in isolation. This is now day 4 and day 5 is approaching. The strength I am getting from the Cancer stories is amazing, and amazing how much strength others are getting from it to. You to could be part of it as this cruel bone marrow transplant takes place.https://www.facebook.com/groups/159599874395653

I remember as a small boy, I really wanted a bike but I was only 4. My prayer to God was “I believe I will get a bike thank you God for my bike” I got that bike with solid tyres a few days later. Another prayer I prayed was “Lord I know why you made the…

Today’s not a day I want to repeat, the feelings of giving up and jumping off the planet are all consuming. No one can see in our heads and if there was a door I would say. Please don’t open it. My mental health it has to be said is not right, the list is long as to why. But I guess it’s normal for people, and I won’t be the first to feel like life’s not worth it. Thank God for my dogs that follow me absolutely everywhere. Accepted without judgement. There are things going on in my life and finding a lump in my body has just messed with my Melon. I am struggling really badly right now. The sun is shining, yet all I can see is darkness and negativity.

Normally my blog posts are to encourage others, but today I am weak. Feeling low in worth and feel like jumping. I am holding on but only just, is there anyone out there with experience. That they have been where I am maybe.

I guess it’s all normal, but I don’t like it and I don’t like life either. I feel like I am on a raft in the middle of the sea and all I can see is a storm. Pain is a constant and while I have made in roads to be a good influence on others right now I could happily just leave the planet with no regrets.

I feel worthless right now, almost like I am in the way of others. I have become depressed with the constant stabbing pain. I can’t escape it’s there always. When I go to sleep, in my dreams and when I wake. It’s like I have been buried in pain and it grinds away your happiness.

Why would someone who has fought so hard to live end up with a want to die? Only driving in my TVR does the pain disappear. You can’t do that all the time.

Maybe I have written how I feel just for me,

but it’s here for the world to see.

How long will it be for me,

To live a life with warmth and know no pain.

It’s my 50th yr and it does not even feel like it’s something to celebrate. How strange after such a long fight. Then the thoughts of what I have found, what is it. Please not again, surly not again.

Like this:

Man life’s hard sometimes, you think you have got through the hardest part and your faced with another curve ball. I know because I have had one thrown at me to. Infact I am working it out right now. The thing is, it comes down to the people you trust, can rely on and love. Sometimes those people are not family, sometimes the people we most trust are people that we love. Who we love are the family we choose. Don’t beat yourself up if the people you love the most are not your blood family. That’s ok, it’s ok to be you.

Sometimes the right thing to do is what you think it is. Right now, I am taking a break for my own well-being. But sometimes we need to take time out to be the best we possibly can be, that’s not a bad thing at all. What matters is to be the best, not ok or good but great or the best we can be.

For me it’s time to deal with the issues that Pain has created, what’s happened to me and the road to recovery. The constant pain, creates dark places, some people may think me weak. Well that’s possibly true right now, for sure I need time to heal and I hope this will help other people one day. But how can that road be walked on until I have recovered from the problems caused by treatment. How can I stand and encourage other people if I have not walked many different paths. I see the issues I face right now as steps, you can’t look at the whole journey, it’s to much for the mind to handle and to much for the body.

Phycologists talk about elephants. They ask the question. “If you were to eat an elephant how would you do it”? Of course the answer is not all at once, but one piece at a time. It’s not possible to eat an elephant all at once and for sure will take a long time to eat which helps to lower expectations on how quickly you will heal. This coming from someone that gets frustrated at how long it takes to get served in KFC, that filter coffee is not instant and extensions take months to complete. I can’t stand waiting, yet the longer you wait the better the job will be. Cutting corners is not the way.

It’s like tyres on a car, the more they wear, the less efficient they become. We as people live in a ‘get it now’ society. We have credit cards, and new cars are easy to get. If of course you can afford the monthly payments.

Relationships with people take time, and if we don’t make time then we will never improve that relationship. People you love I guarantee you make time for, and the people you don’t understand I would hazard a guess you spend next to no time with that person at all. Yet time is the most important thing in life, and it’s something non of us know how much time we have. So it’s best to use what we have, not sit and wish things were different. How will they be if no effort is made. Someone said something to me last week. When I talked to the person about time, that they had been busy and surely rest would be order of the day. The response was ‘time is for filling’ how right that is. The time we do have we must use or lose it.

Time is like land, we can’t make any more of it. There is so much, and it’s up to us what we do with it.

What we do has an effect, be it immediately or in years to come. I don’t really want to go into what’s going on with me, but I do want to say that I am being kind to myself. I am making time for me to get well and overcome with tools that will help others in the future. As youngsters we called each other names and one we used to use as kids is tool! “What a tool”you have heard it said right. But have you any idea of how long it takes to make one. It’s actually a long process and the better the tool the longer it takes.

Time for you helps you to recharge and become a better you, it’s vital. We are all facing something, but the key is to make sure we help ourselves the best we can. That we are kind to ourselves so we can be a better us in the future. Beating ourselves up, is not a great use of time. But we do sometimes need time on the hills to reevaluate what’s important in life and who. Time for you makes you a better you.

So shortly me and the girls are off to see my parents at Brock bottom. A beautiful place, where my dogs can enjoy the water. Time is a healer, it’s necessary and for sure is an opportunity. Without time how can a relationship be nurtured. Nurture who’s special to you, don’t waste your time with people who speak badly of you or don’t give you time. The people that love you won’t make excuses not to see you, they will make reasons to see you. Be kind to yourself and others.

Here is my opinion of this made up bullshit day. At this time of year people feel guilted into buying presents for their loved ones. Which is a complete farse. It was created by a card company that wanted to boost profitability after the Christmas period. The original story is about valentine, the story ends with two people becoming involved romantically. Someone somewhere decided to make it another day to make the willing followers give cash and buy their lovers a card, treat, or a present.

It’s aimed at young people, and I personally feel, that if you can’t wait till the day after to cash in on the cheap chocolates then there is something wrong. Your partner should be encouraging you not to spend money on the said Day. Rather know and feel secure that you are indeed loved. That a made up day does not change anything. Of course I sent cards when I was young, when I was single and perhaps it’s a great way to get the attention of someone you like.

When I was single, I would always without fail go out on the 14th Feb. After all you were almost guaranteed that anyone out would be single. As the people who were in a relationship would be sat at a table somewhere gazing at each other. It is for sure a great night to go out if you want to higher the odds of a yes. Unless of course you are a serial Tinder swiper, then you will be in your pjs on the sofa giving your thumb a workout. Wondering who deserves a DM.

If you love someone, you will buy flowers spontaneously, say you love each other for no reason. Kiss, and hug for no reason. But wait, it is for a reason. It’s because you love each other and and not because a card company says you should. What a load of codswallop that is, don’t you think?

Use your head and buy flowers when they are cheap, and take advantage of the cheap chocs after the fake day, they call Valentine’s Day. As I say, if your trying to attract someone it’s a great opportunity not to be missed. But that is it.

Don’t be drawn in and feel your relationship depends on it. If it does the chances are you are in a needy relationship. NOT a loving one.

A divorce is like a death, it is for sure the same and certainly no one will understand unless they know the hurt that’s felt, when someone they love dies. I would like to think that all people marry because they love each other and believe that to be case in most marriages. It certainly was for me, yes that’s right I was married before as was my now wife.

When someone gets divorced, they carry hurt, Pain, and a feeling of failure. In my own experience it’s hard to see people siding with one or the other. No one truly knows what’s gone on except the people involved. Yet all that the people experiencing the separation yarn is what they got married for. They yearn love, and they look for a way to get rid of the pain. That’s why you see so many people drinking to excess, taking drugs and perhaps even ending their own life because they don’t feel it’s worth living anymore. I know how all that feels, the desire to not feel the hurt anymore.

You hear friend say that they are looking forwards to their own life changing events, a baby, marriage, a christening, you want to feel happy for them so so bad. But you just feel like the loneliest person in the room, everyone does not understand you. They just see what they thing we should be doing. To love someone is the most beautiful thing, yet in divorce it so quickly turns to hate. Everyone seems to see solutions where all you want is for the Pain to go away. The talking stops and the thought that you ever loved that person just seems so inconceivable.

I mean what is it we all want in life?

I would say that there is only one thing on this earth that has ultimate importance. It’s a concoction that we all crave to meet this end goal. That life gives us that one thing. It comes through, faith and love. Consideration for others, friendship. It comes through giving, through laughter and being around people that care about you and don’t want something from you. It comes through hugs, from having a good family. Yet someone going through divorce will not feel it, they have so much more to overcome before becoming happy. That’s it isn’t it, that we all aim to be happy in life and to find that balance has a high value. If not the most important thing in life is to be happy.

Everyone of us can be that small part of that concoction for some happiness. My challenge to you today, is that you can be a part for someone’s happiness. That someone who is enduring a divorce or a loss needs our love not our sympathy. They need our arm around them to tell them that they are important, they are loved and have value.

I think the key is not to judge what has happened, or who’s at fault rather love the person. Remembering that rejection which is what divorce is, can result in devastating consequences. Not to long ago a distant friend of mine (our electrician) committed suicide because the divorce was so messy. Going round to see him with some ring donuts and phone calls to lift him. We’re not enough, or maybe there just we’re not enough people that helped to lift him up. I cared about him and did my best to help him to come through. But ultimately he was not happy, that was missing in his life.

Our girls puppies

Happiness was not a part of his life, rejection took over and Gary could cope no more. That’s what we need to nurture in life. The situations and people that bring us happiness, and the feelings that go with that. Happiness is a priceless gift and one to be cherished.

The point of this blog is to remind you of what’s important, happiness. Bathe in it and enjoy it like the new morning sun. Happiness is peace, and peace is acceptance. Those 3 things are without doubt a recipe for a disease and stress free life. I have experienced the latter and for sure seek happiness over anything that’s going to rob me of it. If it’s not going to bring some joy in the end I tend to steer away from it. Life’s to short that’s for sure.

Hey guys, sorry I have not written in a while. I have been having my own experience in real life as apposed to in the social spotlight. I have been leading about dogs and am thinking the more I think about it my place is to work with dogs and to learn more about our relationships with them. One thing I have learnt from dogs perhaps through a friends dog aswell as my own experience. That is that dogs don’t let their past affect their future with the right guidance. I would like personally to learn more about helping people to have better relationships with their dogs so that both can enjoy a better life.

I don’t think a dog forgets that they were badly treated. I think they remember and move on from it even though it’s part of their life.

I know people expect me to move on from my cancer journey, and some may think it’s bizarre that it’s still affecting me to this day. Well like a dog, I can’t forget it, and find it hard to move on as the pain does not help me to forget all the treatment, procedures, and chemicals that I have had put into my body. Chronic pain is a part of my life and while I hoped it would disappear. It hasn’t. So guess what. I have to move on. I need to allow the past to help me rather than hinder me. To allow my past to shape me but not control me.

In the future I would dearly love to be able to stand in front of people and encourage them that they can overcome the situations that they have found themselves in, Be it disease, abuse, or a victim of another situation. Most people I guess use God, but one thing I detest are people that just pray and then don’t follow it up with action. It’s like someone sending an email and not following it up with a phone call. “I have sent an email, I am just waiting for a reply” is Not taking control of your destiny.

If you apply for a job, why just send a C.V. Why would you not follow it up with a phone call to the recipient. I tell you now, you will be a stand out candidate for the position as you will have spoken to your employer. It’s about taking some kind of control over your own destiny. Following your words with action.

TAKE CONTROL

In my opinion the biggest problem with dogs behaviour is humans ability to react and know what to do, and what not to do. My dogs are not allowed to jump up at people when they enter our house, and incidentally they are not allowed in our house without wiping their feet. They don’t get fed unless they sit. Oh they also bow and pray before they eat to. They are not allowed on the sofa unless there is a cover on it and they are invited. I choose that our dogs will be pub dogs, dogs we can take to visit others.

Is it wrong that we expect our dogs to have standards, that we don’t want children to be knocked down due to their bad behaviour. No of course not, their has to be boundaries, or children will get hurt. People will get hurt, and for sure we don’t want that.

My point is that, I am finding it hard to move on from my cancer. But now the time, although I will for sure not stop allowing my experience to shape my future. But I need to stop letting it dominate my life, and start allowing it to shape my future. My future is without cancer, and there are for sure people that have helped me without even knowing it. Babies die, children and young people have their lives taken. For sure those facts make me totally grateful to be in my 50th year. A mile stone that needs to be celebrated rather than anticipating another relapse. You can achieve what ever you choose to do, myself personally I have found it difficult to live with Pain rather than moving on from having Pain. Rather to get to the point of acceptance like in my last blog. I know we are all a work in progress and I for sure want to progress, rather than not moving on. So thank you all of you that are friends on here, people that have helped me along the way.

drayo308

Walt

Michael33

Liz

Many many more.

But now the time for me to move on and maybe my blog will take a different turn, but fonzandcancer will always be a blog and maybe even a book one day. Time to move on but learn from my past.

Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.

Like this:

How’s your Christmas been? Have you had a good New Years celebrations? It’s not all been good for us, although we have been reminded what’s truly important for our health. Today I have found myself feeling low, due to my expectations. As I drove back from my shopping trip yesterday I found myself depressed at the situation. As what I hoped for had not met my expectations. You see I am the type of person that wants to give, a person that wants to provide and encourage people to enjoy what they do with us. I was driving slowly, well below the speed limit as it’s not good for me to drive to my mood despite the power of the car I drive.

As I drove I found myself praying, that possibly I might find some answers as the day went on. It’s surprising where answers come from in our lives, that when we need them and ask for them they do indeed come. M

My last blog post was about having higher standards, that something may have been right at a certain point in time, but that there is nothing wrong with having a higher standard in the future. We have lived in places close to the city in the past, noisy neighbours are one of my pet hates. People that do things without a thought for other people, yet I have had to question my standards. That maybe I am being to fussy or possibly petty about certain things. That possibly I should lower my standards, that people’s reactions or attitudes are not mine, and just because someone decides to behave in a certain way. How could I stop that from annoying me so much. Why would I even let someone else’s actions affect my life, this was my prayer that I would find a way to overcome others actions and for it not to affect me, or possibly infect my own standards.

It does not matter where you live on this planet, unless your budget is multi millions of pounds, you will always have a compromise. But how do you stop that from annoying you and affecting your state of mind. I don’t know about the rest of the world only how I feel and how I respond to things. You see, I have a do mentality. Not a do later mentality. I have been called ‘the dream maker’ before now. Because for sure I love, oh so dearly love to make people happy. But not so much feel happy but to make them feel like their dream has been fulfilled.

Yet I found myself upset, a consequence it would seem of me having a certain standard.

I put my shopping down on the side and our friend who always comes on a Friday; asked if I was ok. I could not say yes and explained how I was feeling and how frustrated I felt. That I could not shake how I felt off. I was shocked at her response. “I was in cloud cookoo land she said. No one will live up to your standards, no one one in life should expect someone to. Instead we should just love what someone chooses to be. Unconditional love you might think, otherwise known as ‘Agape’

To accept what I can’t control is a new way of living for me, it’s different and requires change on my part. My blog that your reading has always been there to encourage others, yet I find myself every time I write being encouraged myself. But this post is particularly life changing. Because it means acceptance, acceptance of a situation and another’s actions.

People think I am the black sheep of our family, and possibly even a scape goat. But that’s not my fault, what is my fault is not accepting what I cannot change. I have found myself trying to change opinions, instead of accepting what people do. It’s caused me great turmoil in my life but for sure feel that my new way I will now learn of acceptance, and not trying to change what’s outside of my control will give me peace. Rest and possibly even lower my stress levels. Perhaps even lengthening my life. It makes me wonder how many other parts of my life I will be able to introduce this into. After all my dogs just accept me, they love me for who I am. They don’t want me to change, but I wonder if they would have a better life living a life of acceptance.

“Be the person your dog thinks you are”

Jesus loves us just the way we are, but to much to let us stay that way. Do you love yourself enough to change the way you deal with things in your mind. I know I do, and I am very pleased I have a friend that feels she can be honest with me.

Because from now on, I will accept what I cannot change. I will love where I can, and if people don’t like my honesty it’s quite obviously their problem and not mine. I am from now on accept another’s opinion, and not try to change it. Why is it important for people to see my point of view anyway. Others around us will only be happy when they accept what someone else chooses to do. Even if that is unforgiveness. Acceptance is part of loving, where it says in 1 Corinthians 13 about what love is. “Bearing no record of wrong” as a parent you have far more responsibilities in this area. So now it’s time to move on, leave the judgments behind and accept that we can’t change other people’s choices only our own. Acceptance means a willingness to accept a difficult situation that you are unable to change. What’s the point in trying to change what is not your choice.

What Has that meant to you? Are you a better person at the end of 2017 than at the beginning? As you reflect on your year, have you had a good effect on the world. Or have you gone through the year just paying the bills going to work, to find you owe a little less on your mortgage than you did in 2016. Are you happy to step or do you want to stride. You know neither is wrong right? You know that what you choose to do is ok and that your choices are not wrong. Just different to everyone else’s.

What’s in your mind as you live each day? To get through it or to become a better you, to learn from the mistakes you may have made. Remember, if someone else thinks you made a mistake. Their standards maybe lower than yours, you may have a completely different way of thinking to them. Opinions are not wrong, because they are theirs and not yours.

I have made many mistakes this year, I have had personal struggles and for sure made efforts to be a better me. That means I may have moved on, or maybe had the same struggles over and over again because I have not highered my standards.

If we never higher our standards and always have the same ideas, we will just go round and round in the same circles as you always have done. At one point in my life I was happy with a tiny little stream, until the day I realised that it was as much work to look after a bigger pond than the tiny stream I had. We had a bridge, we still have the same bridge. It’s just that the area the fish have to swim in is a lot bigger. 5m long infact. Which actually is the exact length of the old one, it’s just it’s deeper and has a far bigger volume. We have fish in the new pond that were in the old one. But I like to think that they enjoy being in the bigger pond more than the small stream. We have moved forwards in my opinion, creating something better for the fish.

Because we have higher standards we are able to have bigger fish in there. It’s more enjoyable for us and hopefully more enjoyable for the fish also. I think quite possibly when we do have higher standards, that other people have a better time aswell. Yet my first stream was amazing, better than not having a stream right. So that’s my point. Doing something good is most certainly better than doing something bad. But what ever it is you do do, maybe it would be a good thing to improve on that in the future.

What you did this year may not have been bad, but for sure 2018 brings you new opportunities to be a better you. You have the chance to do something new, be someone better. To higher your standard is a special gift to the world and yourself. Yesterday will remain in history, yet today you have a chance to change your tomorrow.

My challenge to you is to be a better you than you were in 2018. I know that’s what I will do. I will exercise more, care more, love more and higher my standards. Will you?

Have a great 2018 and here’s to being better than we were, not accepting what we have become. But being a better us in 2018.

Thank you all for being here, for your faithfulness in reading my posts in this blog. You all mean a lot to me. When I started this blog 2 years ago, I hoped that my writings would bless one person or perhaps even save a life. Well it’s done that and more, so why do I keep on writing? Because I am hungry for more people to be affected by positivity in cancer. That the choosing to do/write something makes a difference.

I always say to people, that doing something is so much more affective than just thinking about it. I think we can all say here that I do and don’t just talk about it. But yet I feel inspired because you read, because you reblog, like and comment on what I write. Many times like now I never know what words will be written and what order they will be written in. Many things have happened this year including the birth of Faiths puppies which has taught me so very much. That life’s precious and that there is no point in wasting this gift of life.

My advice this Christmas, don’t keep doing something if it makes you unhappy. Break free and be happy, even if your in a relationship where you don’t talk. Start talking, start saying nice things instead of making things worse. Say something nice even if you don’t feel like it, and appreciate what you have. Be happy for the haves, not the have nots. Because trust me where ever you are on the ladder of life, you will always have those choices.

Show respect to who ever it is that you meet, even if they are sat on the street. You can if you like do something for someone that did not expect it. Sometimes we don’t feel like doing, or loving even. But I say do it anyway. Bust open that thief called pride and start to appreciate what you have not the have nots. We all have and have not. So this Christmas I want to say thank you. Just that you are you, and that you encourage me to carry on by reading.

So merry Christmas to you and your family and I hope you all have an amazing time. God bless you all and thank you for all that share my thoughts to, it means a lot.

What’s the importance of Love?. It’s a bizarre life. I mean are you important or is what you do THE most important. What you you do, is so much more important than the importance of who you are. Good people will be surrounded by good people. I once said to a friend, “it’s not about how many friends we have, it’s the quality of the people you call friends that matters”

The world is a complicated place if we make it that way. Yet, if we just did our best for everyone we have in our lives. It becomes not so much about us but what we do that matters the most. What matters is what we do with ourselves, blessing someone with what we have makes what we have important to someone.

It brings us to the story of the rich man and the poor old lady. They both gave at the church collection. One gave a seemingly large amount, yet compared to his wealth it was a drop in the ocean. The older lady gave ALL that she had. There was nothing more to give. Yet it seemed like she had been stingy compared to the rich man.

The point of that story today is to help you to realise, that when someone suffers what they give may seem small, but they may have given you everything they had. It’s difficult for some people to give a lot of their time, when it’s so painful to move. But when someone gives all they have, that’s such a special gift.

When it comes to love, what’s the point in loving if it’s not with your whole heart. My dogs never ever seem to let up in the love they show. It’s always everything they want to give me. Not a bit, then run off. They smother us with kisses and love never is it to much trouble, if only we were like that. That we love people anyway. Wouldn’t the world be a fabulous place.

To love someone without condition is a precious gift. What I have I give, because what’s the point in enjoying it to myself when I could be sharing.

Don’t hold back this Christmas period, life has shown me that life’s precious and what you do for someone else could really make a difference in our lives and more importantly theirs.

Have a great Christmas everyone, and enjoy your holiday. More importantly enjoy giving.

I can honestly say if I knew life would be like this that I would not have had a transplant at all. I have been patient and although the doctors said I will be better after a 2 year period. I am not. Everyday I do my very best to be upbeat and helpful and encouraging to people. Yet I am sat here feeling sad with a lump in my throat. It feels unfair to go through so much and to give with your whole heart yet still feel like this. I know for sure other people will feel the same way but are afraid to be honest. Well I am if one thing, not afraid, everyday I stand when my body says no, everyday I smile when my body says cry. But some days like today, I have to allow myself the honesty to myself. Everyday I do my best yo lift others, but it’s not possible when I can’t (yup I said it) even lift myself. My spirit is torn and my mind wonders how long I can carry on feeling like this. I keep myself busy so as the pain depletes, you can’t feel pain whilst focused on something else.

Well pain, today you win. You have dragged me to the depths I did not feel possible. I have very strong pain killers, OxyContin and gabapentin. Sometimes I need two of each just to complete a day. What people’s opinions of me don’t seem to matter anymore. My dignity has been taken and another’s opinion has near no effect on me these days. What did I have the transplant for? To render me unable, to make me depressed. Well I fight both of those each day, aside of that encouraging others that they can as well. Because if I can you can right.

Yet although my honesty is unrivalled here, I still have a small smoulder that needs fanning to make the fire. So now even though all is seemingly against me! I will look for positives where I am unable to see. Not even the birds sing today, but like Job. I will rejoice anyway, I will say thank you for what has been given to me. Life where I should have non, warmth that I should not feel. Acceptance of what has been taken away and gratefulness for what I still have. This is a true battle today, one I must be grateful to have. Because without a battle, how can you win. Giving up means defeat, slumping because of the torment of pain. But NO I will not, I will win the battle and understand one day why it had to be won. Today I have the victory, because Jesus paid the price.

So with a thankful heart, and a grateful soul. I say thank you lord for the prickles, because without the prickles there would be no blackberries.

Dear life, thank you for the doubters. Thank you for the people that thought I can’t. Thank you for the people that want to discourage me to remain in a box they see is fit for me. Thank you for the people that think a way is ok for them, because they are the people that make me want to be something. They are the people that make me want to and not try to. People talk to me about what they want to do, and I rarely hear people talk about what they will do.

One thing I love to do in my life is to encourage other people. For many years I have considered what to do with my life, what business to be involved in. Yet, it’s always been staring me in the face. It’s not about a product, or bad circumstances. It’s about my state of mind, about what I am am determined to do. When you are determined to achieve something for sure you will achieve it. It got me thinking about the things I have been determined to get, the things that I have been determined to get but did not achieve. Negative? For sure not. It also hit me thinking about the things I wanted to do and which of those I achieved. Then the things I have been told in my life I can and can’t achieve.

Is life really about circumstances? Does disease really have any right what so ever to take away your dreams. Why have you not got the car you want, why are you not in the house you want to be in. The watch you want is still in the shop and you are making do with one that’s perfunctory. You want to be in a detached house yet you live in a semi. You hate your train journey to work, your job is not what you want. You feel depressed, your in a life that you feel your being treated unfairly or that you have been given a bad hand that life has not treated you right. Who on earth has the right to do that, why do you do that.

I love it personally when people tell me “you can’t” because I am very stubborn which makes me want to prove people wrong. It makes me want to say. “Really, well I don’t feel the same way” I weight trained 3 times a week for 2 1/2 years. NOTHING would stop me. Why was that though? When we bought our second house together, it HAD to be detached. When we bought our dog car it had to be a certain car, yet a few years previous I made do. Although maybe we allowed our circumstances to dictate to us what that car would be.

It’s time for change, but how what will that involve. A job? An online business? Well I have my ideas, I have the solution and so do you. It’s staring you in the face as well. That you and only you have the answer.

Raise your standards, because you will always get what you HAVE to have. Never in the world have people had what they want in their mind. YOU have the opportunity to achieve, there is no possibility here. There is a reality here, that you have right in front of you. Commitment to the end goal will bring an achievement. Doing something over and over and over and over again. What ever that is that your committed to you WILL achieve it. 7 years ago I became passionate about getting well. I did not just want to be well again though, I wanted to be cured. To rise up once again and to help others to believe that they can also have a better day tomorrow. Yet I believe that what matters the most is TODAY, not the next day. Get rid of the people in your life that hold you back. Show me a man that said I could not beat cancer, I will tell you now they are no longer in my life. Get rid of anything that holds you back, it does not matter what that is.

“Who has the right to stop you” nobody! Yet you stop you all the time because your standards are to low.

I want you to know today, that what you have failed at in the past does not make you a failure. What makes you a failure is not getting up again and perusing your passion. Perusing your dreams. Dreams are normally more than what you have, unobtainable. But I want to challenge you today to stand up and say “I am going to fulfil my dreams” see you are the problem, that your thinking, your mind what you choose to be. Will actually be.

Einstein said “imagination is more important than knowledge”

What do you want? To be influenced, or to be a person that influences others? That’s my question to you.

I have been frozen, I have been held back by others opinions. You have the power to be who ever you want to be, you have the power to bring into your life what ever it is that you want in your life. There are a lot of complainers, excuse makers. People that don’t mind settling for what they have, people that let things happen to them.

No ones journey is easy, but you do have the chance each day to ‘Become’ you have the choice to think what you think. Success is a journey that starts with what you choose to think about. You really think you can be the best if you don’t do anything about it. I want you to believe today, that this one sentence is true. “That anything is possible”

If you don’t try then where is your hope, hope is something that becomes faith. I started writing a book some time ago, I for sure have been plagued with stumbling blocks in my life, but no more than someone else has. What’s wrong with me is that I have listened to some negativity in my life. That my thoughts that I have chosen have led to some of my failings. We have all had bad things happen to us, but your thoughts, hope, belief, and getting back up that matters. True failure is not trying at all.

Don’t get in line because other people are, dare to make your own line. The one you dream of.. I guess this blog could be deemed ‘the law of attraction’ get rid of the people who hold you back and start your own line, be a line maker not a person that’s happy to que. my wife will read this after she has watched her Derby day. What’s funny about that is that she found herself queuing on 2 occasions today. Both times she chose to leave that que and come home to enjoy home instead.

You are what you think you are and my challenge to you is, that choose not to talk yourself out of your dreams like I have for 30 years. That you stand and act on your dreams. That you drop the negatives. You have learnt the fear of failure like I have. Well today I am am starting a new line, a line where I am going to stop listening to the negatives even if they come from myself.

You have a lot to offer the world, you also have a lot to give to yourself. Step out of the boxes the world puts you in, because your an amazing person with more to offer than you know. What people say about you, does NOT have to become your reality.

Do what you love, just do that. That’s your new line. You deserve to find your purpose! You don’t deserve to hear the play it safe speech. Because non of us will get out of this alive and that’s a fact, so we might aswell do what we love right? Keep stepping forwards, keep being positive. Keep practicing, keep believing in your dreams because they are there for a reason.

It’s how people see things that are not saved, they think that if someone gives to them that they must owe them something. Wow that sentence hit home for me, because I like to give yet I receive aswell. It’s a hard lesson for someone that’s a giver to receive graciously. For sure I have made many mistakes in my life, some catastofic. (Spelling I would like to say is catastrofic but I can’t spell it.)

No ones perfect! But yet a really valuable lesson is to learn that to be given to is as beautiful as the person receiving something from you. Yet we hope the person would receive the gift and accept you want nothing in return. I have learnt in life that people want to give to me and I take away that pleasure for them sometimes. I love the feeling I get when I give to someone and even a small thing can mean so much to someone.

There begins the line from another Rocky movie

Que Rocky Balboa accent!

“Friends don’t owe, friends do because they wanna do”

Those nurses saved my life, didn’t they? Or was it the whole thing, the transplant, my faith, my friends? Or was it not the giving of all the people that were in the whole process. I digress.

The point is that giving in its self is a gift, that humility in being given to and allowing that person the beauty of the feeling we all get when we give. I believe that it’s as important as giving itself. It’s for sure something I am learning and stepping forwards to get better at it. You know I still don’t think many people get why I blog and get nothing for it. I see people going to work and earning while I blog to encourage others yet for no reward. Every time I pick up this I pad I want to use it to help people. So am I actually one of the people that feel like I owe, because the treatment saved my life? Well the answer is possibly a bit, but that’s only because I want people who are going to face what i did, gain from my experience possibly. That’s why I give.

We are all blessed in our own way, maybe although I don’t reread what I have written out loud very well (so I am told) but I am able to a small degree at least. Help people to find the strength to carry on, to find a way when they feel there is no way. To articulate what’s happened in my life to encourage other people. You can’t do much when your isolated so I did what I could do with what I had in my hands.

My friends I must conclude by saying, if someone wants to give to you. Allow them to feel good about it, allow them yo enjoy their giving. But also if you want to give don’t be afraid of rejection, be happy you are able or in the position to give. Don’t take people for granted, recognise the good things about them. But most of all. You ain’t gotta owe someone, to give something to someone.

I did a bit of a test yesterday, I was feeling low and I have to say depressed. I was sat at the table and almost felt there was no point to life. Yet, I have done things for people that have lifted their spirits yet mine were low, I was really down and was punishing myself for not being an,e to do things. That my wife is now the bread winner in our house because of cancer, I was low that my energy levels are still low, my pain is still high. All those things got a hold of me.

Then out of the blue my friend sent me a link, it was about hope and that if you let go of hope then what are you anchored to? Something else perhaps like fear, or helplessness. Self pity, anger. The bible teaches us that perfect love casts out all fear. That fear is a product of our own making. Then I started to realise that even if I didn’t have faith, I had named my dog Faith. Knowing that even if someone was looking after our baby that they to, while they had her would also have faith. I started to think about all the good things I had and the top two were Faith and hope. You can have no money, no possessions and yet still be blessed with Faith and hope.

So you all know I can’t have children or so I am told by the doctors, yet I always look around the house to child proof it for when we do have children. I have hope.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for. Heb 11-1

Now those of you that know me well, will know that when I beat cancer the first time that I bought a lab. We called her faith because I believed I would beat it, I hoped that it would be gone and I believed it would be gone. I want to go back to when I was 4 years old. My parents were poor and they could not afford a bike for me, they told me that if I hoped for a bike then I should pray for a bike and ask God for a bike. My hope for a bike was so much greater than my parents knew, that night I believed I would get a bike and told God I would like a red one please. Every night I prayed, and asked God for a red one. Then one day, someone told us about a bike my dad picked it up and I still remember seeing my red bike with solid tyres by the gorse bush in the back garden lent up against the outside toilet. You see to have faith you need hope.

I had hope I would beat cancer, which gave me faith. Which was the name of our dog. So effectively we always had faith, and we say her name everyday. Yet even with faith I still had to hear those words again. “You have cancer” yes that’s right a second time it came but this time things would be much worse. I would have to have a Bone marrow transplant.

I have to say my faith took a hit and I did become very low exhausted and felt ripped off somehow. Yet still in the back of my mind I had hope, hope that I would win. I started this blog and wrote as my first post.

“I am Mark a cancer fighter, and I will win”

I had hope, and after my treatment was finished I had a fertility test that told me I was infertile and would never have children. We would never get to call our daughter Lily over to us, never get to hold our baby and nurture him or her. If we had a boy he would be called Harry. So we chose a different path and faith had puppies and we kept one. We spent 7 weeks nurturing those pups, letting them go one after the other.

Barney,

Reggie,

Hope,

Bonnie,

Trevor,

They all had their own little personalities and for sure made friendships in the box. If you want to see more of the antics in the box we used #BigPuppyBox

We kept one of the puppies and the one we kept we named Hope, although my wife did change her name to Lily Hope we have Faith and hope in our home and believe it’s a special way to live.

What ever happens in your life, never let go of hope because things hoped for is the substance of faith. With faith in what we don’t understand we can rise above our circumstances.

So yesterday I wrote a positive post. I wrote that I had beaten cancer and that I was 2 1/2 years out of transplant and that if I could you could. I stayed anchored to hope but I chose to do that. We now have a 9 month old puppy called Lily Hope, now we always have hope. But you can have hope also, you just have to chose it over fear. Because does not have a positive ending where even in the darkness hope can bring light and help you have faith that you will win.

What ever you choose I hope, you choose faith. Because that’s where a new beginning starts. Here is a picture of Faith and Hope as I write.

My state of depression was lifted because I chose hope. What will you choose dear friends?

Even that is a creation. You can choose the “I will be” creation but that’s your choice. It’s not about you being happy or God being happy with you.

It’s about the you you are, being positive about you. If the feelings not good, let it go! People say things like

“why me” but why not you?

“Life’s so hard” it is for everyone!

“I wish I could” you can, there is a way.

Life is as hard as we expect it to be, I mean I can talk right, suffering more than I should because of cancer? Or maybe cancer made me realise how alive I am. Pain is a reminder of that everyday. A reminder cancer could not win, or a reminder I am alive. Oh of course I get my bad days, but then you can’t go though life with just all good days, or all bad days. You can’t have one without the other.

When we live life this way, nothing can bring us down for long periods. Because there is always something to look forward to. Pain is a reminder we are still winning. Reasons to do rather than excuses not to.

Living a grateful life is for sure a better way to live. We can’t have one without the other. A battery can’t work without a negative, and for sure you can’t have a positive without it. So a life being grateful for the negatives is far more useful.

For me I believe in blessings and curses, I believe what you say is what you will be or become, and that your words can go even deeper than that. How many times have you said it “I am useless” “I can’t” well I am with you, although I expect more from myself these days.

Having been faced with losing my life, I know everyday I am also faced with life itself. That the gift of life is so very precious and knowing that, that it’s important to make each day count all the more. That’s why I make a conscious effort to speak life into people’s life’s including my own. Say you can’t, you will be right. Because the universe heard you say it. Say you can and you will be equally right. Positivity is possible every single day. If positivity is something you choose, then it’s something that will happen in your life. Choose to gain for yourself and not give to others you will live a pointless life with no meaning and for sure you will not feel the beauty of giving.

The words you say, will work themselves out in the universe. Take me for instance, I said I had cancer once, I was 15 I knew no better. But I did indeed get cancer. Twice. Maybe I got it because I said I did anyway, or maybe I just got cancer!

Choose to say nice things to people, even with no money what so ever you can change a persons life. You can make a person feel good, and perhaps even help them to have a positive outcome where they may have previously not thought it possible. You have the ability to speak life into people’s lives. YOU have an opportunity to not only bless others but to bless yourself and your family but what you choose to say and do.

A person I have known for some years, was told that they were nothing, a failure, and someone no one would want to be with. Unattractive and many other demeaning words. It’s so so sad that people feel they have to be that way towards others. Seemingly to make themselves feel better, but I can assure you the person that spoke those words will have harmed themselves and the feeling of (making themselves feel good) will not have lasted or even happened.

You have a choice every second as to what you do with your life. To love, to hate. To give it to take. What ever you choose remember there is a consequence. Some consequences are good, not all are bad. What will you choose? That’s the question?

How are you doing today? Happy? I spoke to a guy today that has suffered with Depression all of his life, I won’t pretend to know what I am talking about or say I am an expert on the subject. Because for sure that’s not true, but what I can tell you how I have dealt with things. I know that when you shake a bottle of pop, then take the top off it goes absolutley everywhere. It’s the same with stress, I think personally that Anxiety and stress are in the same family and both CAN lead to a state of depression. Although I don’t understand fully the medical state of depression there are many thoughts I would like to talk about in this blog, and share my own experiences and talk about how I overcame stress.

My first bit of advice to anyone that is suffering from stress is to make sure that non of what you feel belongs to someone else. For example the way someone parks outside your house. That someone has not finished something, the way people live their lives. Anything that’s not yours to worry about is NOTHING to do with you.

The garbage truck Talks about that and how you have enough problems of your own without worrying about what others do, it just fills your back pack up with other people’s junk! What’s the point.
The only way to over come stress in my mind is to Let it go. Look at it like this, that it’s a pop bottle with the top on it. That with the top on the pressure can build up, like us if we have no outlet at all! The stress builds up and can lead to serious illness. Where as a bottle with no top on can be poured out any time you like and no pressure builds up at all.

Credits: Lukas Gojda/Shutterstock

So I have to go back to the man in the Dacia Duster again reversing into a space next to me and I was getting bothered about it. Why, just let it go, it is after all nothing to do with me what so ever. Unless of course he had hit our car, then I would have had to react appropriately.

There are many tools available to us, mindfulness, mental health is a real issue. (I know here I go again right) cancer changed my life and helped me see a new world. Although sometimes I let little things others do affect my day I do want to be a better person tomorrow than I am today. I learnt that if I have tension that I needed an out let. I don’t have the energy of a normal man, so excercise although important was and is not a method that keeps me stress free. So I had to achieve a number of things that did not involve expending energy. I thought maybe writing and having something to think about would help. So I started a blog and challenged myself to write everyday for a whole year. 365 blogs in 1 year. I did that and you are now reading the blog that I stated writing. ﻿

To overcome stress, you need another focus, I have a car that I take out when I need a smile putting on my face. I will go out for a drive just to hear the exhaust note.

When I was at my junior school I used to sit in front of a fish tank and watch the fish. Mr Glover thought this was a punishment to me, but I loved it so used to be naughty to get out of his boring lessons. The led to me having a pond where I watch my fish and allow my heart rate to be lowered, thus relieving me of stress. I believe stress leads to anxiety and depression, and is a serious problem that people need pressure releases to overcome it. Boxing, cycling, walking, swimming, a hobby like my fish are, boating, hill climbing, canoeing, shooting, classic cars, writing, art, gardening, being part of a group that challenges you. All these things release stress, I used to dance, (badly) but it released stress. Weight training helps to, as does anything that keeps coming into your mind like a job that needs doing in the house. Get it done and it’s not an issue anymore, that can cause stress to the longer it goes on for.

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​One thing I realise is no one will help you if you don’t help yourself. But helping yourself makes you feel good as does helping others. You will need to find your own stress reliever, but having our dogs is a massive stress reliever as are cats. Our cat was put down a few weeks ago which was sad. But times a healer, our two dogs have given us a new perspective and always are with us.

Laughter with friends is the same as the whistle on an old kettle, actually why don’t all Kettles whistle when they boil? But that whistle is what’s happening to your body when you laugh, you let off steam. Only yesterday I talked to a friend about how important it is to have something to look forwards to and something that will help you release pressure from your system. Even a stress ball can help,

Signs you are stressed

Stress can be revealed in many ways, here are a few. People that are stressed respond differently to people that are relaxed. They snap, take things personally. They clench their fists, they don’t hug their partner enough. Take it out on their partner rather than talking about it and hugging it out. Stressed people also don’t make their bed and have piles of things yo do in the house that have mounted up. I know because I have been, and have created all these problems myself. You will go to bed and still be arguing, you will drive to fast. For me there are lots of things that don’t cost money that can help with stress relief. Time with friends and a game of pool is really good for mental health aswell. Your not a failure if your stressed you have just gotten into a situation where you have taken to many things on. Don’t take on any more and get the jobs ticked off one at a time and don’t look at it all at once. If you look at the 101 jobs that need doing you will never do even just 1 job. So just do one at a time. Once one is done move onto the next ect ect.

Trust me ticking some boxes, and having a holiday to look forwards to. Will help your mind set. We got back from Scotland and booked another cottage for next year. 2 weeks away with our dogs, my mum n dad will come and my brother and sister in law with my nephew Zac. It will be fun and something ahead we will enjoy together.

Take care of each other, your important. More important than you know. Make sure you look each other in the eyes and hug. Hugging and loving others is a tremendous way to relive stress. Say sorry, even if it’s not your fault. I tell myself. You don’t have to be right, it takes effort to be stress free. But for sure a stress free life is far better than anxiety and depression. Releasing your stress will go a long way to helping yourself in other areas of your life.

Hugs to you all, wow and thanks for reading. Just think if just by sharing this you helped someone. Just a thought.

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You know where you have come from, you know what you had growing up. But while we are children (in my case anyway) I used to have wants and used to regard some things unfair. Not being able to have that mars bar, that ice cream, that bag of sweets. My focus was on eating and what I could get. Yet we did not realise the sacrifices that were made in your family to have what you did have.

It’s easy to forget how hard it was to get to the position you are in, and your children may never realise what you sacrificed to be where you are today. In my case it was later on in life when I realised what family is actually all about. That the love I had within me was being used the wrong way. That it was far more satisfying to give something to someone that needs it rather than to get something because you want it. Then I had a eureka moment, that that’s what love meant, that the word often used by my brother instead of “I love you” is the word family. That family although possibly not translated this way in the dictionary. Actually means sacrifice for each other. Giving because you love someone not always because we want to, but most certainly because we love that person.

Working till 3 am, overcoming pain, smiling because every smile is a gift and a lift for someone in their life. It’s easy to forget what battles someone has faced to get to the very point they find themselves at. That their journey has had bumps in the road to. That doing for someone means that you are a part of something, that family means that you belong and that the efforts you have made are because you are in a family. We are all different that’s for sure but the feeling of love we have is there because of all that has been done in the past. The feeling a parent feels is overwhelming, you hear it said “a child only a parent could love”

When me and my brother were growing up, I wanted to do and feel things how I thought I should. All children think they know best and I carried this on right up until my 40’s only the lessons in cancer taught me “you learn more when you listen”. Since then I have asked my parents many things and I have learnt much about them. My dad surprised me one day when he said he had made mistakes and asked me for forgiveness. ﻿

Things have started to get a new perspective, losing a pet, loving a dog. They become family, and while some may say “it’s just a dog” you know they have never had a dog simply by calling him/her IT. I very much do my best to live a life where I love my dogs. Yes we have two. Labradors, but no children. My wife and my dogs are our family, and it’s so nice to be a part of.

The word family means, unconditional love. It means sacrifice, it means going the next mile when you think you can’t. What my family is like is personal to me as yours is to you. But I will never forget in a low point in my life, my dad saying to me. “The Lord will restore the years the locusts have eaten” I could never see it before. Because to see it, dying to self was the most important. Yet my wife and I will spend some time together in a cottage in Wales with my parents and our dogs really soon. I really look forwards to that, and don’t dread it at all.

That my wants were not the most important, that indeed what my wife needs is the most important. What my dad needs and mom needs are the most important. But I guess we all grow out of that immaturity, or is it just that the mars bar became a car.

What I do know is that family is love, that encapsulated in the word family are many things that only your own immediate family know. The small things we do for each other are really what count. Not to count what was not done. That’s just a waste of time. All families have failings, but there are also some very beautiful things to be found in family. We just have to choose not to labour in what didn’t happen rather be grateful for what does happen. Family is precious, many say bloods thicker than water. But we also choose to love people that are the family we choose.

So just take a moment to appreciate all that family means to you, be thankful for what you have. Because one thing is for sure, today is a gift so don’t waste it remembering your mars you never had. Remember all that was sacrificed so you could be you. It’s a wonderful life.

All to easy to do that isn’t it. Press delete and it’s no longer there, the app or the frustrating game you waste so much time playing. But what’s frustrating me so much with this want it now society? Well it’s not the fact that people drive around in cars that they don’t own, or the fact that people want a burger and fries with immediate affect when they want it. Not so much that now isn’t soon enough. My concern is for the mental state of mankind. That it’s becoming so easy to get a 55inch TV without paying for it. That you can get a settee and pay nothing for 2 years or what ever. What bothers me is people don’t TALK anymore. That people have a difference of opinion and that’s the end of that. That friendships and relationships seem to be about what people can get rather than what they can give.﻿

My parents married for 50 years!

That “what can I get” is more heard of than what can I give. You see that’s why relationships and friendships break down. Not because they are not loved by you, or that you are not loved. Infact you are either inconsiderate, or selfish. The world ends up with so much disharmony because people think they can just throw stuff away. Even people are thrown away, which is why device is on the rise. The older generation had it right, once you were married it was for life. Still is in my book. But not all of us have the very noble and healthy opinions. Because it’s all to easy to separate. Than to carry on working things out.

People that have been married for long periods of time, have to work at it. They have to say sorry and not go to bed on an argument. Me and Andie my wife always start the day with a kiss and end it with a kiss. We always have a kiss to look forwards to. We trust that we have each other no matter what. Loving someone takes effort it’s not something that’s easy. I don’t understand these girls and boys that have children together and then split up.

Listen I know life’s tough, but choose to give and not take away and life would be better for everyone. Putting your arm around someone is not difficult. But saying sorry means so much. Let’s make choices that give, as opposed to taking. To have the attitude, what can I give, is so much more attractive that what can I have.

Possibly people’s mental health would be improved, and in turn lives children ect ect we all need security. Will you choose to give that? Or do you want what you can get? Choose what’s best for others not just you.

I am sat here as a new by to Scotland really. Even though I have been to the highlands. It was in the dark and nothing like our experience of today. I am finding it hard to find words to do this country proud. But I must start by saying how truly emotional I have been today. That we were able to enjoy the majestic mountains of Glencoe, the highlands and the small of the island of Skye we have seen today. I had always thought NewZealand to be the most amazing country in the world until today. I have just merely been introduced to Scotland today. Yet we have so many adventures to encounter. Could Scotland actually be the most beautiful country “IN THE WORLD”

As you round each corner you see more than one mountain that comes into view, as you look up at the splendour faced by these naturally formed mountains. (The photos don’t do them justice) You feel small, insignificant and after a week of thinking about the right word to discribe them. intimidated. Intimidated in a gasp kind of way where you have your heart in your mouth, in awe that the world has such splendour in it. That a 8 hour drive had all this to offer, yet only now at 49 had I followed in my grandads footsteps. At this moment I would like you write you a picture. You see my grandparents loved travelling these parts, even though they lived in Redhill Surrey, they used to drive up to the highlands above lochLoman.

They would get in the car, a beige Honda; always with them were two chairs that unfolded. A table, a scrabble board, one of those blue gas burners you could buy for camping with the L shaped prongs. Theyunfolded so you could place their kettle on the top. Of course a kettle. A metal tea pot and my Grandma always had an old square tin that has had shortbread from a previous trip with some home made cake in it. They had pillows in the car so they could sleep anywhere.

When my grandparents wanted a cup of tea they would pull over, put the chairs out facing each other unfold the table (wooden) and put the scrabble board (deluxe) on it along with the China cup and saucer. The kettle would be placed on the gas burner complete with the whistle to tell you when it was boiling. The water was then added to the tea pot, this was done by straining the water through a tea strainer. No tea bags for them, then more leaves added to the pot and left to stew. The tea would then be poured through the strainer to catch the leaves to make a truly British cup of tea. Grandma would always have a tartan rug over her legs and they would both always have a smile. Sat by the side of the very quite roads laughing with each other, eating cake and drinking a lovely cup of tea. I feel like we are following in their footsteps and have imagined them sat in a lay by many times whilst enjoying time with my wife and dogs on this amazing island of Skye.

Scotland it’s just one amazing place and we are so so pleased to be celebrating our anniversary together. Scotland, you are a dramatic, intimidating place to visit. We have one more week here and look forwards to feeling inspired and intimidated in the coming days.

Little did I know that when more of our friends came to visit, we would actually be doing axe throwing in this land. The wifi was aweful in Scotland, so we spent a lot of time talking with each other, enjoying this wonderful planet through eyes that for sure have been cleaned through a new perspective I now have. The love of the planet is just so completely and utterly lovely, enlightening, emotional, and enchanting. No wonder my grandparents came up here so much.

The waterfall you can see in the photo above was in our front garden, yet it could not be seen from the window. All I can say is we will most definetley explore Scotland more, what a wonderful country Scotland is.

Everyday we would leave the cottage, and drive slowly being careful not to hit a sheep. Everyday the same thing happened, we would scream with delight as we saw the bird of prey. Which of course made him/her fly off, leaving us with phones in hand still trying to get the camera on. Your phone all of a sudden becomes like a jumping bean. When just moments earlier it was all calm and peaceful somewhere on the dashboard. Every single day the same thing would happen till we eventually got some absolutley appalling pictures that were blurred and really disappointing to look at. Even seeing the birds massive wing span will never ever leave my mind, but that’s no good for you, is it. I am sorry we failed at our endeavours despite being perched ever so close one morning. Our shots were just laughable.

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I like to think our dogs saw the magnificence of those wonderful birds. We saw a white tipped sea eagle and what we thought was a golden eagle to. A Kestrel, and I think that was awesome. If your Scottish, your country is amazing. May I say sorry to you all for not coming sooner. It’s like a world I had never seen before. Thank you Scotland we will be back again.

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Really like this guy, give him a like guys, like he says the way to success is to like and promote what others do. Nit wait for people to read what you have written. They won’t find you by accident, but they might if you interact. Great post.

The reality of the past 7 years and the realisation that what I was interested in doing. (Encouraging someone everyday) has been achieved. Nuts really how this has happened considering the pain that envelopes me on a daily basis. Success is doing what you say your going to do. Asking if I want a coffee in a morning if you know me is pointless. Making a coffee for me if you so wished, I don’t take milk and less than one teaspoon of sugar. The point of this post is to talk with you about doing, not considering it. Talking to me seems useless, but standing up and doing something means so much to me these days.

You see when your faced with losing your own life, no really you do start to see. It’s only then that you become. Let me explain. Good people, give. They don’t say, hey can I, do you mind if I, please let me. Good people do, they don’t speak of what’s happened. They just do, possibly because they have learnt the same lessons as me. This next picture I took of one of my friends and it speaks so much of what’s going on in this world. That to enjoy what you can’t control, is so much more of a peaceful way to live. Yet, I so often allowed things outside of my control to affect me. I know as another friend reminded me yesterday that we are of course ALWAYS a work in progress. If we are only willing to allow ourselves to not be controlled by our surroundings. Rather to accept what others choose, and enjoy what they choose even if it’s not what we would have done.

This picture although not me, says all I want to say to you really. That to let what’s around you be, and be comfortable with others choices. That no matter what is or has happened around you standing and doing what you feel is right is actually right for you. No other way is right. To stop talking and start doing is when you discover life in its true fullness.

I know I have spoken of sentences the bible says at times in my blog. But this is what I mean.

Jesus Predicts His Death

John 12 vs…23But Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24Truly, truly, I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a seed; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25Whoever loves his life will lose it, but whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.…

In other words, if you continue to hate the world you live in and live a life of turmoil it will always be that. But let go of those things and allow the world to be around you and not try to change them. I most certainly will continue to become a better person. To stop allowing things others do to not bother me as appossed to annoy me. That the journey of others is theirs nit mine. Whilst on holiday, a Dacia Duster driver was reversing. Seemingly directly into the car I was driving.

My accepting the world photo.

Why can’t you just laugh knowing your a better driver than that, Sentance. Changed my perspective and as ever. If your not with a friend that loves you enough to not let you stay the way you are. Then the chances are your with people that are around you because they want something from you. People that love you will always challenge you. But then of course they will always accept you to. But love you to much to let you stay that way.

That’s what the verse means, until you stop worrying about your souroundings. You will never enjoy what your surroundings are.

Like this:

What does every body think 5 weeks and 1 day in? Although she’s not really showing to me, she’s definitely put on weight. She will be wormed in 2 weeks. From 7 weeks onwards the magic will start to happen. We already have 5 potential homes without to much effort. We are without doubt looking for caring loving homes for these puppies. We are looking for people to accept their puppies on their journey called life.

One sentence that rings true with me is.
A dog is there for part of your life, but you are their whole life.

Throughout our lives we are faced with opportunities. Some I chose not to choose and some I am so grateful I did choose. Like friendships, to go this way or that. Have you ever stopped to think; what would I have happened if I had chosen a different path. Where life would have taken us should we have chosen to befriend someone or not.

I remember once walking down a street and our eyes met we smiled at each other and carried on walking. Perhaps had I stopped I would not have the people in my life I do today. But is not about what we didn’t do is it. It’s about what we did do that chances our path. Or is it the not doing that takes us on a new path to the things we choose to do.

For me I am happy I never stopped that day, although it’s still something in my mind. Because without me choosing not to I did not sink. Or maybe that smile was just something we shared that made both of our lives better.

I adore smiling at people I think need some kindness. 3 days ago I smiled at a married lady with little hair. “You on chemotherapy” I said. She lit up and gave me a hug. It was like we understood and empathised with each other. It’s amazing how we can affect someone’s life just by understanding someone.

Only you can have that affect on someone. Only you can bring light into someone’s life. Never say you are not able to do anything, because even a smile can have a positive affect on others lives. You have the smile and ability to do that. Try it make someone’s day, choose to smile today. Let me know how that went in the comments.

So what are your thoughts on ‘nothing’? Useless? That nothing has no use what so ever? The most important thing about you, is not what you have, but what is nothing about what you have. You are not really you are you? Your just a body, when that body dies there is no you because there is no space for you to be in. Driving a car does not make me become a car, and who I think I am is not what others perceive of what I am. The bible says ” so if a grain of wheat falls to the ground, so shall it then bear fruit ” that you have to realise it’s not actually about what you are that makes you you. But what you are not that makes you you.

Is a house useful? I say no, it’s the space inside that’s useful. How can a house have a use if it’s not an empty space. Ok so we put things in it, but it’s the empty space that makes us able to put things in it. You are NOT your body, your so much more than that.

People say to me, “isn’t it amazing how life gives us so much yet takes it away” life happens all around us and we can’t stop it. Yet what we can do is decide what we fill ourselves with.

I believe I had cancer once to teach me that, but I did not listen. So I had cancer again to help me see it’s not the person that’s successful but the things they allow to come into their lives. A man that learns has to listen and allow change to happen. No one can be anything of use if we think that who we are is greater than anyone else. That’s called pride and that always comes before a fall. Or so we are taught. Life happens to us, because we are empty and allow life to happen to us. When you build something come bricks you are building NOTHING for life to happen.

You can only be of use to anyone including GOD if we are empty of ourselves, and who we think we are.

I absolutley love hearing people’s stories about the things they own. Only yesterday me my dad and my mum were clearing some of the garage out. An empty space that had things in it. I saw a box, a really really old box. I picked it up and asked my mum to tell me about it. As I opened it, it revealed nothing inside yet a torrent of memories were realeased from my mums memory. Non of the story could have been told were it not for that empty box. It’s nothing that matters the most, because what’s the point in being full of everyone else’s rubbish if there is no room in us for something that matters. Being full of nothing means there is room for something that matters.

The most important thing is what you think about you, what others think is not actually your problem unless you make it your problem. From this moment onwards, my caring about what people think stops here. Impressive is being happy in your own skin, not wanting others to recognise that your ok or that your a good person. Actually why would you care what anyone thinks of you, as long as your ok with you. You will have made mistakes in life, and thats ok. Don’t give yourself a hard time for the mistakes you have made, move on and surround yourself with people that like themselves. Choose your friends wisely and make sure your around people that want to build you up, not drag you down. People that are content not to be something, will not help you grow. Growth starts with you, and the acceptance that your a good person.

Be who you are, not what the world thinks you are. Because you know what, people will want you to trip up. I still don’t know what I want to do in business but I do know this. That I want to encourage people in their journeys. I want to lead people to success, even if that’s believing that they can beat cancer like I did. Believing you can starts with you and not what others think of you. What you are not, is a wasted sentence. What you did wrong is a wasted thought.

Be positive in your daily walk, and make sure everyday you do something that builds yourself up. You won’t find multi millionaires in a night club being sick down a toilet. They will be in a nice restaunt eating good food with a hood wine or even an ice water.

Be who you want to be not what others expect you to be. Because what others think is not your problem.

Your having a bad day? You can’t take anymore? Your bills are to high? You keep saying you can’t. Every single day of my life I am faced with the effects of treatment. Yet every single day I do the best that I can. Or do I? Or do I just do the best that I am told I can, and should expect to be. In school we are taught, but we are not taught any differently today than 150 years ago. Yet the world around us has changed so much. A computer 150 years ago was a simple abacus, yet you will be reading this on some kind of reading device. People with no money go to rubbish dumps to collect plastic bottles so they can eat. Yet you hold a phone, a kindle, and I pad? You have a roof over your head and possibly even sky or a cable network and a flat screen TV. Your ok, you have food in your belly maybe even you may have some money down the back of your settee.

It’s such a shame for the fish, that it can’t climb trees. Such a shame for the Bee that can’t make it rain. We focus so much on what can’t be that we forget what can be. That only you are restricting you from any kind of success even if that’s just getting out of bed today. I am so very exhausted right now we have had illness in the house and it’s been hard work looking after myself aswell as my wife as I write this I am up and down to the toilet with a tummy bug. I feel like absolute rubbish.

But let’s go back to the fish that can’t climb a tree, it can swim, it can reproduce it can do things we can’t. Like spend its whole life under water. We can’t do that. The Bee, that makes honey that transformes us and even fights infection. I must have some honey now I mention it. Bees give us so much that we all take for granted. Even now a symbol of together for the atrocity in Manchester.

Shakira grew up in a rich family that lost everything and knows what it’s like to have nothing. All her house was cleaned out and at 8 years old she had not even a chair to sit on. Yet she used what she did have. (Her voice) her peers told her that her voice was bad, she was also rejected and produced 3 albulms before she was recognised. She vowed to do something for the poor and now runs a charity that blesses people. All because she used what she did have and did not focus on what the world would have her believe. JK Rowling had nothing when she draughted one of the worlds best selling books of all time.

You will get kicked down, that’s a fact. We all have a fight that’s also a fact. We all can look at the good in something or the bad. But living is in the getting up, and finding something good to say about someone. This post did not exsist 20 minutes ago, now it does forever. I don’t know if you needed to hear this today. But if you were encouraged today, let me know it’s great to get positive feed back. Focus on what you can do not what you can’t. After all can’t is a made up word anyway.

I might say some pretty random stuff in this post. I make no apology. It’s time to have a little fun, maybe be a little crazy and most of all smile. So here we go, here is a little story inspired by a sentence on ‘Brigette jones baby’ .

I wonder if it was just me that spent a long time looking for someone I loved the look of, that loved what I loved, that wanted what I wanted. Spending thousands dating, then at the end of a night that you spent all week buying clothes for, that lasted 5 hours. You find yourself on your way home in a taxi hoping you would be sick in the toilet and not all over the cab windows. Then hoping shortly afterwards that you would not get the cleaning bill for the taxi but then ya did. Only to find you had no money and you had to go inside your own home to look for money stinking of sick. Along with kebab sauce dribbled on your shirt. I can assure you this look is also accompanied by a bad hair day to. No not you? Oh well that would be just me then.

That the one you were to love, was interested in what you were, not what you had. Yet one of the first questions was always “Do you like motorbikes” not all girls do you know, in fact I would say MOST don’t. I found out quite early on in life that just because a lady (girl) said they liked Martini. That alcohol should be savoured. That not all men would like Martini, including me, especially as I drank a full bottle in approx 40 mins. It was actually the second bottle of alcohol I drank that fast. The first being one of ‘thee olde English ciider’ just before a party at 13 I think (sorry mum) both occasions resulted in huge amounts of sick. Thinking back I wonder why I ever drank again. Just to clarify I don’t think that any more I am just not blind drunk every weekend… quite possibly making myself look bad but there is some humour among the the honesty, I think.. I mean. Oh never mind.

I am one of the fortunate people on earth, that I found out what is meant by the word love. That just because you like to eat fish it does not mean that’s right for the fish. In fact it’s not fair on the fish at all, it’s selfish love. If you loved fish, would you not look after them and feed them? Love for yourself, that’s why so many get divorced, because they love the fish and don’t look at the person eating the food we don’t like.

Ok let me be clearer, we all love ourselves. A short video I watched recently reminded me of that. You giving love to someone does not mean you love them. It’s the other way round. You love those who you give to. You see when you give to someone you count the cost. If you give because you love to give, you never count the cost. It’s just given, because you will always love those you give to. Because you love you right.

Only understanding these principles can we understand who cares about us and who does not. The love of my life, who just so happens to be my wife likes all the films I don’t. The tv shows it all. Yet we give ourselves to each other making ourselves vulnerable often. Yet in doing that we don’t feel vulnerable because we both know, there is some of us invested in the other. True love enjoys vunrability. People that look for a fake skin deep love will never have anything invested so it will always be weak and fail at some point. Possibly leading to divorce.

Oh how I wish I could upload what I have learnt and take the chip out and put it in a younger persons head. But it’s not like that is it. I can tell someone that, it’s really bad to walk backwards on a pavement and turn around. Because at some point you will turn round and be faced with a lamppost. We have to learn it all for ourselves. Even the books we read will still mean we will eventually find out for real in the life we have.

When you give to someone and don’t want anything back, that’s true love. You can love working because you get paid. But giving to someone because you want to is the most precious of gifts. So true love is because you love giving to that person, not what that person can give to you. ﻿

Love is not easy, but then if it was we would all know how wonderful it truly is to love