‘Siddharth,
get up, I am here’. Siddharth just got up breathless. Was it a
dream! So real! We were sitting beside a river on a moonlit night. I
extended my hands to touch her! Aditi was there in front of me. I
opened my eyes in dilemma. God! It was not she! But, Rimi was
standing before me.

‘Hey,
get up Sid, or you will be late for office.’ Rimi went to the
other room to wake up Rishi, our five year old kid. I could hear her
shrilled voice, ‘Rishi, wake up…Oh, you son and father,
both are same. Can’t wake up at your own. I have to shout every
day in the morning to get you out of the bed.’ Frankly
speaking, during those moments of morning siesta I hate to hear
Rimi’s shrilled voice. I find her voice very irritating. Oh, I
wanted some intimate moments with Aditi. But, now the boring daily
routine will commence with Rimi’s morning lectures. I don’t
know why she hates my every movement. I have to think of Rimi’s
reaction before doing anything. Rimi shouted, ‘Sid, have you
entered bathroom?’ before she speaks another word, I have to
take my bath. Then I will be offered the same breakfast of bread and
omelet with a cup of milk tea without sugar, although I always carve
for a bit of sugar in my first cup of tea for the day. Then, I have
to wait for both mother and son to be ready and drop them on their
school on my way to office. This is my daily routine for the morning.
Every morning when I look into the mirror it laughs at me and says,
‘Mr. Shiddharth, you have no choices, you are trapped.’

Not
long ago, my life was so interesting, full of fun and frolic. I
enjoyed my time with my friends, specially my cricketer classmate
Nihar with whom I played many tournaments, won some and lost few. He
was a quality bowler in accordance to his tall and masculine
physique. Those were the golden moments of our life. Oh! Today I have
to call Nihar. We have not talked for a long time.

I
came out of bath in a hurry. ‘You wake up late and is always in
a hurry to go.’ Rimi got a chance to shout again. ‘Ok,
take your time, I am waiting.’

I
started reading the newspaper but could not concentrate. Now-a-days I
often wonder why I have married this woman! She is not beautiful, not
so talented. I was never in love with her. My mother arranged our
marriage and I didn’t find any reason to oppose. Actually I was
not in love with anyone else and my carnal desire was its zenith! I
looked at her and found her body appealing. The fantasy started. I
was thrilled that there will be a girl in my bed every night. The
excitement didn’t allow me to find any reason to say no to my
mother’s proposal. My sister said, ‘Sid, she is too plain
looking. Do you really like her?

I
could not understand her. Rimi looked quite presentable in a red
saree. I was happy that my bachelor days were over. I don’t
have to think of the household chores and above all I will have a
companion in bed.

Within
two months we got married. First few months she was shy and amicable.
After that fervid hunger of body was fulfilled I started looking at
my wife and I recalled my sister’s words, ‘She is too
plain looking’.

As
years passed I started recalling the words more. I wondered at my own
choice.

Now-a-days
I don’t find any physical attraction towards Rimi. My body
wants something else, more than a mere body. A few days ago I wanted
her to wear something fancy. She shouted, ‘I cannot wear these
cheap clothes. I cannot get vulgar for you. We are now old, control
your mind.’ She always does this to me. She wants to make me
feel old. She thinks that I am hungry for sex only. She thinks that
being romantic is only the young people’s birthright.

Rimi
treats me like a garbage dump. God! What a fuck I have done in my
life! Rimi’s constant dialogue, ‘We are getting old.’
‘What the hell? I am only 40 years old. My friend Amrit who is
at the States is yet to be married. I am jealous of him. He is wise.
That bustard is enjoying his life to the fullest and here my life has
become a hell.

While
driving these thoughts constantly came to my mind. I couldn’t
even look at Rimi’s face.

Just
as I reached my office, Nihar called, ‘Hey buddy, Whats up?’
Suddenly I got elated. Nihar always had this effect on me. He can
always bring smile on my face anytime irrespective of my mood. ‘Tell
me about yourself, dude.’ ‘Listen I am going to your city
and will reach by 6 PM today. Come to the airport and pick me up.’

I
couldn’t control my happiness. ‘Nihar, yaar, you are
coming, so nice, will be there at the airport for you’.

Whole
day I was excited of meeting my old friend, my best buddy. I will
take him to my house directly. Then we will go to a pub, and will
have a nice thrilling night out. I don’t want Rimi to interfere
in our conversation. I will pour my heart to Nihar tonight.

Everyone
in my office could feel my excitement. My boss too readily agreed on
me leaving office early. After all, in most of the days I am never in
a hurry to reach home from office. Reaching airport, I saw Nihar
waiting for me. He was wearing a sky blue T shirt and was looking
much younger than me. He has maintained his physique nicely all these
years. ‘Hey you! Still the same, always late.’ He rebuked
me and gave a tight hug. A broad smile appeared in my face. He looked
a bit naughty. I know his nature. ‘Nihar what is in your mind?
Want to say something?

‘Guess,
whom I met sometime back.’

‘Whom?’

I
was really curious to know.

‘Aditi’,

‘What?’
I was shouting. Looking around we both laughed.

‘Nihar,
are your joking? You have not forgotten Aditi.’

‘No
Sid, I am serious, she is here, the same stylish Aditi’.

‘Really’.
My heart started thumping. It lasted for some time.

Aditi,
I whispered. For a second I lost in my own thoughts. How could I
forget her? So many times I dream of meeting her. Many nights I spent
moments thinking about her. Aditi was my first and last crush.

I
got myself back to my normal self.

Nihar
and I spent the whole night in a pub recollecting our golden days. We
talked about his old girlfriend, our dare devil adventures, thrilling
cricket matches and many others. I felt like a college going boy
again. Every moment of my college days came alive with Nihar’s
company.

‘Sid,
do you want to meet Aditi? I have her address with me’.

‘Really,
can I meet her? But, will she recognize me, she hardly knew me’.

‘It
doesn’t matter. We were college mates. She was our junior’.
Nihar assured. He handed me the phone number.

Aditi’s
beauty captured my mind. Her glamour attracted me like a bee to a
flower. But, I couldn’t gather the courage to express my
feelings to her. Fear of being rejected made me hesitant. I admired
her flamboyant attitude from distance. My low confidence didn’t
allow me to go near her.

‘Do
you know Sid? Aditi have divorced her husband a few years back.’

‘What?’

I
couldn’t believe my ears. I was feeling excited from inside. I
decided, I have to meet Aditi.

I
took Sid and dropped him at his hotel.

‘I
have a surprise for you Sid.’ The element of surprising me was
still there in Nihar. I wondered as he went inside.

Suddenly
I became fearless. Why should I always care for Rimi? As I entered
she shouted ‘Is this the time to come home?’

‘Just
shut up and give me some peace.’ I was thrilled to see the
shocked expression in Rimi’s face. Without uttering a word, she
went inside and I was happy of being alone.

I
planned to call Aditi and fix up an appointment. Nihar’s words
still rank in my ears, ‘She has divorced from her husband.’
After all these years still I have a chance. If she permits I can
meet her on Sunday, just after two days. I could not control my
temptation. My heart started to beat faster. I dialed her number.

‘Aditi
here’. My voice began to tremble. I composed and said
‘Shiddharth here. Do you remember? We studied in the same
college.’

‘Wow!
Why not? Siddharth da, I still remember your cricketing shots. Where
are you now?

She
seemed to be excited. I was thrilled as she remembered me. She
continued, ‘Siddharth da, Do you still play cricket?’
Now, I was more surprised. Different thoughts came to my mind. I was
literally puzzled. I replied, ‘I stay here, in this city. It
will be nice to meet you.’ I hesitated to ask for a date.

‘Of
course, Why not? I am so happy that you called. Come to my place on
Sunday evening. I will text the address to you’.

My
mind started flying. Next day, I went to the market and brought a
blue shirt, the favorite colour of Aditi. The picture of Aditi
wearing blue denim with pink top flashed before me. I would never
want to lose this opportunity. I have to impress her.

Rimi
was puzzled as I could not have my lunch and dinner properly. Her
motto in life is live to eat. This habit has made her loose the only
asset she had. These years she has gained weight so much that I have
to stopped looking at her body.

Time
ticked very slowly. Finally in the evening, I dressed for the
occasion and started my journey. The journey to meet Aditi after so
long. Aditi, my first crush, the girl with heavenly beauty. This time
I will not let the opportunity go and express my feelings to her.

With
a trembling hand I pressed the doorbell. In no time the door opened
and there she was in front of me. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
She clasped my hands and took me inside. So many years I have been
dreaming for this. Her gesture made it more special for me. I will do
anything to stay with her.

‘Come
inside, I always remember you and Nihar da. You have been staying in
this city for so long and yet we haven’t crossed one another,
so strange.’ My mind started flying. Question started to flow
in my head. So many years have gone wasted. I have to express my
feelings quickly. She is now in front of me all alone. I have to make
her mind and live my dream. She was still holding my hands. I
controlled myself and said, ‘Aditi, I want to say something.’

She
laughed, made me sit in the sofa and said, ‘Before you say
something, I have a surprise for you. Look who is here! Nihar da,
your best friend and my fiancée. Nihar came forward and hugged
me.

‘Surprise!
Surprise!’

‘Congrats.’
I could hardly speak. I wanted to run away.

‘Nihar,
how could you hide all these from me?’ I could hardly speak. My
voice trembled. Nihar was laughing loud.

‘Ha,
ha, ha, shocked? I wanted to see this expression of yours in your
face.’ Nihar always enjoys this shocked expression of mine. I
pretended hard to show that I am pleasantly surprised. Nihar and
Aditi were too busy with their emotions to catch my chocked feelings.
Nihar never suspected anything.

After
sometime, I excused myself as to coming up of an urgent requirement
from home. I fled away from there as fast as I could.

Driving
home with a broken heart and injured mind, I didn’t want to
face Rimi at the door. Luckily for me, she was not at home. I changed
my clothes and went to bed. All my hopes of a better life,
fulfillment of emotion, dreams got shattered. I closed my eyes and
tried to close my mind too. A feeling of lost captured my thoughts
and slowly I collapsed …

‘Sid,
Sid. You lazy fellow wake up. Again you will be late today’ I
could feel Rimi shaking me and shouting in her shrilled voice. For
the first time, I felt that Rimi’s voice could no longer
irritate me as no one was there to hold my emotions back in my
dreams. I smiled at her, and felt the warmth reflected in her eyes.

Contact Mausumi(Unless
youtype
theauthor's namein
the subject
line
of the message
we
won't know where to send it.)