Globally renowned champion athlete Dennis Rodman has fled the wicked and imperious United States and traveled to the glorious empire of North Korea, where he is greatly excited to try out for Kim Jong-Un’s undefeated basketball team. Yet another dynamic and courageous North Korean victory in the summer 2016 Pyongyang Olympics is imminent!

It is with great conviction and pride that Dennis Rodman’s agent released a statement announcing Dennis Rodman’s unwavering reverence for the dear leader: “When I discussed with Dennis the invite to go to North Korea and meet with Kim Jong [Un] and the Korean national basketball team as part of a documentary for HBO, he knew it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have a fun shoot around playing basketball and would give him the chance to speak directly to Kim Jong [Un] that the only way to go is with peace not war.”

Kim Jong-Un, Dennis Rodman, and North Korea’s most invincible athletes will practice with great success many of the fatherland’s most indomitable and outstanding basketball plays—maneuvers that include “The Kim Jong-Un Slam Dunk,” “The Kim Jong-Un Half-Court Shot,” “The Kim Jong-Un Makes an Incredible Faraway Shot as No Man Has Ever Done Before Just as the Buzzer Rings, Ensuring Victory Over the Rat-Faced Traitors and Ushering in a Reign of August Prosperity, Unstoppable Revolution, and Human Independence Throughout the Korean Peninsula and the World.”