New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

Hi, as a new comer to sobriety with 96 hours since my last drink, I am seeking advice from anyone who would be good enough to help me out here. Basically, I do not drink during the week, Fridays and Saturdays only but now I want to give up for good and have requested a temp. sponsor. So, I am used to not drinking during the week, so right now, all is well. The problem I have is that at the weekend and several times next week I have been invited to various social gatherings, a BBQ plus 2 birthday celebrations. I know there will be alcohol available at all of these events - how on earth do I resist it? The obvious answer would be avoid these occasions but as they are being hosted by some very good friends, I do want to be there but I do not want to drink. Any suggestions will be gratefully received. Thank you so much!

If your friends are good friends, they should understand why you cannot attend. If you must attend, these friends should be good enough friends to not provide alcohol at their parties. There are a few helpful things to do when attending a party with alcohol. First, have your own transportation so that you can leave at any moment. Park where you are not blocked in by other cars. Have a non-drinking buddy with you.

The obvious answer would be avoid these occasions but as they are being hosted by some very good friends...

When I was five days sober, straight out of detox, drinking was the last thing on my mind. Until I went grocery shopping and decided that a six pack of non-alcoholic beer would be OK. It was not OK and I was back in detox inside a week, after a week-long binge, most of which I do not remember.It is this alcoholics experience that people, places and things (like social occasions) associated with alcohol were always triggers for me. So in early sobriety, sobriety was my only focus, not friends, events, family, social obligations; there was no easier, softer way for me, no ifs, ands or buts about it.Mike and Lisar offer good advice if you chose to attend the events.

First of all I would highly recommend you stay away from all drinking occasions and people for a while. You must put your sobriety first. But if you choose to go anyway at least take the advice that has been given already. Give yourself an easy escape and don't be afraid to leave at the first moment you feel uncomfortable.

AA has one program of recovery - the 12 steps. It's tried, tested, proven and gauranteed.

I agree, until some time and working the steps, the desire to drink had not been removed and I had to be around sobriety oriented things and stayed away from drinking people and environments I used to be around. I am guessing you have some good reasons for wanting to stop drinking. Go to a meeting instead and I bet if you focus on why you wanted to stop drinking in the first place, you will find some gratitude about not going. Going to a party trying to be powerful over alcohol and not drink is like torture when we still have obsessive thoughts about it, so why put yourself through that. AND, if I took the first drink by giving in, well, its off to the races in out of control land and into the world of shame and guilt once again. It felt much better in the environment of a meeting when those things went on in the beginning. Just like I filled all my drinking ritual times with AA. That was the contrary behavior I had to do to start the change. It also started the process by which I forged new friendships in the AA fellowship by keeping on with this practice. ~Joe K.

Right now the only thing that works for me, is to be more stubborn than my will to drink! If you think your putting yourself in a bad situation, then you probably are. If you do go and someone offers you something, tell em nah I'm good right now. I found out that if you say no, I don't drink anymore, you get a million questions fired at you. That was and is a hard one for me still. It is very true that it takes an admitted alchaholic, to understand your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I have a hard time with it at functions and gatherings, but as soon as I see someone who is drunk, I'm good to go. I don't like being around someone who is drunk if I'm not. I usually smile, knowing that I will wake feeling alot better than they will. I guess you finally just get to where you just don't want to be around it. I fight the urge every day, sometimes more than others, but I remember what I felt like when I went back out. I felt horrible physically and mostly mentally. I felt like I let myself and my higher power down. We may not always be there for our higher power, but he is cartainly always there for us! Oh yeah one more thing that helps me a BUNCH! " God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannnot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference." Say that instead of having a drink! One second at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, ONE DAY AT A TIME! Don't give up on giving up on alchahol! Thank you for your post, this has helped me more than you know!

Okay lawren...the weekend came and went....wondering how you did.... is all well?

Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!