Such a lonely day should be banned.

Loneliness, depression, anxiousness. Just a few of the emotions that haunt me to this day. These emotions reared their ugliness even before things in my life became major challenges. Before my loss, holding death in my arms. Sometimes I wonder if I was ever truly happy. Seems like it, but there are those moments where I’m not so sure. Now I wouldn’t say I was completely unhappy, but not as happy as I could be.

Over the years, I have become very good at hiding my true feelings and emotions. I’ve become a master at hiding behind the clown makeup. Appearing to be the funny, happy go lucky person that I feel I am or want to be, but behind all of that, just feel alone and lost. Searching, but for what?

No ones life is perfect, I guess. But why am I feeling so lost and unsure? Sure, my recent situation has something to do with it, but what about before? Life goes on, got to deal, got to figure it out, we all do or we are done. The search continues. Let’s do this…

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.” ― Lois Lowry