October is almost here. Time for NHL hockey, and much more importantly, NHL hockey predictions.

These should be taken literally, and are a reflection of not only immutable reality, but also personal feelings about the teams in question. Down in eighth place? That's because we A) know the truth and B) hate your team. Hate, hate, hate your team. At the top? Expect significant success and active cheering from Sporting News throughout a lengthy, inevitable playoff run.

Now Corey Crawford has to live up to that inflated contract he received in the offseason. (AP Photo)

Next up: the Central Division—which should just cut its losses and adopt the name "Conference III" on an official basis. Asterisks denote a predicted playoff team.

PREDICTED STANDINGS

1. CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS*

Last season: 36-7-5, won Stanley Cup

The champs have a tough act to follow. Maybe they'll go 30 games without a loss to start this season. … If there's a soft spot on the team, it's at second-line center. Michal Handzus performed well enough during the playoffs, but in a perfect world, Brandon Pirri would fill that space. … Sure, Patrick Kane grew up last year; 23 regular-season goals, a Conn Smythe, cool commercials, etc. His shooting percentage also jumped from a career-low 9.1 percent to a career-high 16.7. That helps facilitate things. … Stan Bowman is a great general manager, but $36 million for Corey Crawford is an easy move to second-guess. What could he have done this season to get paid any more than that? … Still, the core is in place, unlike after the 2010 Cup: Kane, Crawford, Jonathan Toews, Niklas Hjalmarsson, Patrick Sharp, Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook. … Is this Marian Hossa's last season with the Hawks? The "cap recapture" penalty could force their hand.

2. ST. LOUIS BLUES*

Last season: 29-17-2, lost in first round

The Blues are set on defense for a while; Alex Pietrangelo is a future Norris finalist, Kevin Shattenkirk is as good a No. 2 as you'll find and Jay Bouwmeester is in a perfect spot. … As always, though, you have to wonder where the goals will come from; David Perron may have been the most talented forward in the group—and he's now an Oiler. The X-factors are Vladimir Tarasenko and Derek Roy. Tarasenko was great on the wing early on his rookie season, but a concussion threw a blanket on things. Roy is inconsistent, but cheap, and has the skill of a top-six center. … Jaroslav Halak should take control of the starting job in goal. Brian Elliott regressed last season, and Halak reported to camp in the best shape of his career. He can become a free agent in the summer, which probably isn't a coincidence.

3. MINNESOTA WILD*

Last season: 26-19-3, lost in first round

The Wild didn't have $200-ish million to spend on a pair of marquee free agents this summer, so they got better elsewhere. Trading Cal Clutterbuck to the Islanders for Nino Niederreiter was a great move. Matt Cooke will also help on the third line. … A full season of Jason Pominville on a line with Zach Parise and Mikko Koivu will be nice, too. The second line isn't set, but some combo of Charlie Coyle, Mikael Granlund, Dany Heatley and Jason Zucker sounds good enough to put the Wild around the middle of the pack in goals. … No matter how you divide credit between Ryan Suter and Jonas Brodin, they're great together. … The Wild's new white road jerseys are outstanding, as is their season-ticket book.

4. COLORADO AVALANCHE

Last season: 16-25-7, missed playoffs

They have more young forwards than they know what to do with and one of the worst defenses in the league. They're also coached by Patrick Roy. So yes, the Avalanche are going to be fun. … Roy, the Hall of Fame goalie, has had lines in mind since he took the job: Matt Duchene, Paul Stastny and Nathan MacKinnon at center, with Ryan O'Reilly shifting to the wing. That last part will be particularly interesting; O'Reilly is the best defensive player of the four. … Gabriel Landeskog's position isn't in doubt, but the 20-year-old captain's second season didn't go according to plan. After 52 points as a rookie, he had nine goals and eight assists in 36 games. … Winger Steve Downie is back after ACL surgery. He gets to play with MacKinnon, the No. 1 pick in 2013. Not bad. … Huge, huge new scoreboard at the Pepsi Center.

5. DALLAS STARS

Last season: 22-22-4, missed playoffs

Things are on the upswing for the Stars. They've got nice new jerseys (logo aside), a respected new GM and coach, and the divisional placement they've wanted for quite a while. … Jim Nill's first task was adding high-end offensive skill, and he did well by that; Tyler Seguin and Valeri Nichushkin certainly qualify. Seguin, Shawn Horcoff and Rich Peverley let new captain Jamie Benn move back to wing. … Still, Nill's team isn't quite there yet, particularly defensively. Sergei Gonchar will help, as will the continued growth of Brenden Dillon and Jamie Oleksiak, but it's still a group (combined with Kari Lehtonen's .916 save percentage) that was 24th in goals allowed last season.

6. NASHVILLE PREDATORS

Last season: 16-23-9, missed playoffs

It's almost cliche to talk about how bad the Predators are offensively, but wow, they're bad offensively. GM David Poile's "quantity over quality" method to free agency made sense in its own way, but it's tough to see any of those guys scoring goals, and that—down years from Pekka Rinne and Shea Weber aside—was the Preds' problem in 2013. … There's some hope, though—maybe Colin Wilson stays healthy and makes a difference. Maybe Craig Smith puts it together. Maybe Filip Forsberg is ready. Maybe Alex Radulov will decide—kidding. … Tough to imagine Weber's production staying down, though. The defense is, as always, young and very good. Locking up Roman Josi was a nice move. Then there's that Jones kid.

7. WINNIPEG JETS

Last season: 24-21-3, missed playoffs

They're another realignment winner, considering that they played in the Southeast for two years after the death of the Thrashers. The travel issues were a little overblown, but in any case, they're gone. … First, the good: Andrew Ladd, Evander Kane, Blake Wheeler and Bryan Little are top-six pieces. Only one of them is a center, though, and none of them work together well enough on the power play, which was the worst in the league last season. … Same deal on defense; Dustin Byfuglien, Tobias Enstrom and Zack Bogosian are good enough, but the back end is rough. … The biggest question mark, though, is goalie Ondrej Pavelec. You can blame the penalty kill if you want, and many Jets supporters do, but he's also 35th in even-strength save percentage over the last three years.

HOT TWITTER QUESTIONS

These are great for #brand engagement, and also very good for serious, important predictions. Remember: #SNbesthockey.

1. "Rank the #conferenceIII coaches from grumpiest to least grumpy"—@jrlind

This is a remarkably difficult task. Conference III's coaches are a stern lot. Let's go: Patrick Roy, Ken Hitchcock, Barry Trotz, Lindy Ruff, Joel Quenneville, Mike Yeo, Claude Noel. Roy might be close to the other end of the grumpy-crazy continuum, but it's tough to put him anywhere but the top.

2. "How long before the locusts arrive after the Jets win the division?"—@SensReporter

Shortly after the river in Winnipeg runs red. Or the frozen-over river in Winnipeg … turns red, or something. Not sure how that'd work.

3. "Who becomes the Blues' primary goal scorer? And if they don't have one, do they trade Halak/Elliott for one at the deadline?"—@Jacob_Born

Last year, Chris Stewart led the team with 18. I really think Tarasenko can beat that. If nothing else, Brett Hull is back in the organization. Jake Allen's presence definitely is a reason to think they could trade one of the current NHL goalies. Maybe if one emerges as a clear-cut starter, they'll put the trigger on the other.

4 "How will the change from the Eastern Conference to Western Conference affect Dustin Byfuglien's eating habits?"—@Herman_NYRBlog

Big Buff honestly looks great; wedding and/or boating season is over. A half-answer—Blake Wheeler joked at U.S. Olympic training camp that Byfuglien acts like the West and East are two different leagues.

5. "which team in your opinion had the best jerseys when they first adopted their current name and location"—@Ihaveoreos