Well as some of you may know, I am knew to the forums. Sorry if I posted this in the wrong section, Feel free to correct me on where it should have went, as I may make more threads,

So during the last school year my social anxiety has become a big part in my life, I have started avoiding every possible situate involving people, I would not talk to anyone in class or raise my hand or present or anything during class. The minute I would get home I would go to my room and play games online or watch movies, because im not around people, just me myself and I. I would not eat dinner with my family or socialize with them. I also wouldnt go out with friends.
For me, Social anxiety is difficult to explain, usually its caused from past trauma or ptsd involving a person or group of people, or its an environmental thing, like if everyone is loud and angry then you will be scared or always on edge, or even a psychological thing, like "oh my gosh they are going to make fun of me because of this or that" but for me, I dont know how to explain it, I think its a chemical imbalence because whenever im around people, at home at school etc.. I have panic attacks, like im always shaky (voice too), sweaty, red, feel sick, ready to pass out, heart racing etc... But when im by myself however im fine, nice and calm. So Duri

So, during the school day when I feel on edge or panicky I would go into the washroom with and Self harm, It would usually calm me down.

Issues That I need Help with:
Well for one, obviously the cutting isnt the best of my choices, but it works for me. Since i have social anxiety i dont like people seeing my scars on my wrists so i always wear sweaters or sleeves, also a wrist band under neath in case a teacher asks me to roll up my sleeves for some reason (one time i was asked and almost died x.x )

Because of me cutting and my mom found out she made me go to the doctors to get meds for social anxiety, I have tried citaliprem but that didnt work, it ruined my appitite and i was always sleeping. We also got a few Clonazepam or Klonopin pills for emergencys if i still panicked and was about to self harm. (clonazepam worked but i only had 10 pills... So because that med wasnt working well we decided to go back. During the previous summer i have been taking Paxil, or paroxatine, but however that isnt working quite the best either, it keeps me stable around people but there are still ocasional spikes, and panic attacks and i have relapsed a few times with self harm. The paxil is alright, better than the citaliprem but however one of the sideffeects that arent going away after 3 months is insomnia.... Im tired as all heck but i cant sleep. it takes hours and hours to fall asleep, and then once i sleep i wake up every 40 minutes ish and it takes another 20 to go back to sleep (this has been happening for months) At this point im constantly so tired that i just want to drop the meds, but the doctor says theyre working decently so i should stay on them.

we went to the docs for sleeping meds of sorts and maybe more panic pills so i dont cut, but my mother wants to be all herbal and spiritual....... shes saying "ohh just medetate before bed, read a book, take some maletonin" i have tried some of that, im not a fan of it and it isnt working the best. the doctor wouldnt give me sleeping pills because my mother basically said she wants to be herbal... so they recomended gravel!!!!! stomach ache meds... nice... im going to try them out tonight, but i dont have faith in it. So my question to you guys are:

- self harm to cope with social anxiety, Cant sleep due to social anxiety meds, doctors wont prescribe sleeping pills, they recomend melatonin or gravel. What should I do? drop the meds without the doctors knowing????
next panic attack what are some coping ways?
how could I sleep? how do you guys sleep, with lights on or off, heavy blankets, light blankets, music etc... PLEASE ANYTHING WILL HELP, I JUST WANT TO SLEEP!

I have been there buddy with the insomnia caused by anxiety and tbh heavy blankets or light blankets or whatever would make no difference. You need to tackle the anxiety and preferably why you do that take sleeping pills, if herbal is not working, talk to your mom

Yeah I think you need to explain to your mother that the herbal thing isn't working and that maybe you do need sleeping pills. Because it's unfair that you're not able to sleep because of her reasons. Also maybe you could try talking to your doctor about going on different pills because you don't want the insomnia that comes with the ones you're currently taking. If you keep complaining to your doctor then hopefully they will see and put you on different medication that hopefully doesn't have any side effects.

As for the panic attacks what always helps me when having one is trying to focus on my senses. Such as I'll try to listen to sounds and pinpoint what they are, it could be birds, or the sound of a car engine or anything else around me. I'll also focus on smell and figure out what smells I can sense, sometimes rain or sometimes grass or food, and I'll just focus on the sounds and the smells until I feel myself breathing normal again and able to function again. I don't know if any of this helps but I hope it does.

I hope things get better for you soon.

My wish to die is as pervasive as a dial tone; You lift the reciever, it's always there.

@Flapjack I have told my mother the Herbal stuff isnt working -- update i tried gravel and it didnt work either xD like i predicted... My mother doesnt want me taking sleeping meds or like "panic pills" i call them, something to calm you down when you are having a panic attack and want to cut klonopin xanax etc.. she doesnt want me to become "dependent on them" as for coping methods I have tried the rubber band... that doesnt quite work the same xD many of you guys would know that. I have also tried focusing on a certain point in the room and not moving at all just full focus to that, that coping way kinda works but it doesnt calm me down, just distracts me from my surroundings a bit.
@ luna these meds are kinda working, instead of being panic around people 24/7 it reeduces the panic a bit when im just sitting in class, but if someone calls me out etc.. then the panic comes... i can try talking to my mom about either changing or dropping these meds, or getting sleeping pills. because with school starting up again by second period im completely ready to passout, which sucks because i cant focus in classes, and i would like to pass, usually im an A student but if i cant sleep, i cant think, i cant pass... D;

@ rihouse I understand that too, maybe if i have to cut i will try somewhere else. Thankyou for that because its a killer when your teacher calls you to roll up your sleeves...

- sorry about my grammar, im not editing it but it should be read able

EDit --
Im still unable to sleep and Im still waking up in the middle of the night multiple times.
Past few days at school have still been panicky,
im curious, should i completely drop my paxil meds since they arent working the best anyways,and while taking them im unable to sleep, this would solve my sleep problem, as for the anxiety at school... its still an issue anyways, whats your guys opinions?