I have three friends (with whom I was previously very close) who I don’t keep in much touch with anymore getting married this summer, whose weddings I am not invited to. Still, I would like to send a gift. However, my BFF/MOH mentioned that they might feel guilty about not inviting me if I do this, which is definitely not what I want. Thoughts?

@loving_life: I have done this many times. I usually include a note to the effect that I know that no matter where we are in life, or what barriers we face with time and distance, that I feel blessed to have had them in my life.

@loving_life: you should send one if you want to! I know that due to venue and budget, we limited our guest list to 85 people, and could have easily invited 200 friends and family if we were able to. Just because they were not able to invite you for whatever reason, doesn’t mean that they won’t appreciate to know you’re thinking of them on their special day 🙂

I had a very small mostly family only wedding (the non family members were not my friends) and my friends sent me gifts and so did my friend and former college roommate’s parents. They understood that I didn’t want a big wedding and I didn’t feel guilty.

I love doing this! I have lots of acquaintances on facebook that are getting married and having babies, and I LOVE to registry-stalk, and if I find something within my budget that I’d like to send them, I do! I don’t think you’ll ever get a negative response from it. I always send a “Thinking of you and your upcoming wedding/baby – Have fun!” note with my gift, and I think everyone really appreciates it. I feel like we have an understanding that we’re not close enough to expect we’d receive an invitation to each others’ events… it’s just a sweet gesture.

The only way that I would send a gift if I wasn’t invited, is if they were eloping or if I knew that they wanted a very small intimate ceremony. If I knew the person had a 250 person wedding and didn’t invite me, I probably wouldn’t get a gift. I wouldn’t be upset or anything. I just wouldn’t feel compelled to go out and spend my hard earned dollars buying them cookware or whatnot.

@loving_life: yea, I mention that because for my wedding I actually received a gift from someone who wasn’t invited. She sent the gift after the wedding and I thought it was so sweet. I know that if she would have sent the gift before the wedding, I would have felt like I had to add her to the guest list.

I’ve done this many many times! I totally understacut how exspensive it is to invite everyone now that I’m planning my own wedding. I usually send it right as they’re getting married or right after so they don’t feel an obligation to invite anyone or feel guilty!

Hi @loving_life: Agree with the others, if you are friends with this person and appreciate the fact they are in your life don’t feel “guilty” about wanting to recognize this milestone in their life invited or not.

And also sending it afterwards is a perfect way to make it clear you weren’t fishing for an invite…

That your gift was truly an act of love and kindness

Hope this helps,

PS… Remember you can BUY Now and send later. Don’t hesitate to shop the Registry early, even if you aren’t invited. And send the gift after… you don’t have to wait for everyone else to conclude their shopping and the Wedding to be over… as they say the “early bird” gets the worm !!