A life lived in the feminine. Hear my tales.

Sorry Paula Abdul: Opposites Don’t Attract. Forever

Paula Abdul, a great dancer and subpar singer (okay, I hate her voice) once said “We come together ’cause opposites attract.” She sang these lyrics with an animated cat creature.

That alone should tell you how faulty and flawed her reasoning was from the get-go. But hey, it was 1989 and a lot of shit didn’t make sense, period.

Opposites are exciting–the differences between two entirely different people make for a fire. Excitement. Intrigue. It’s like visiting another country if you’re with someone who is a 180 of you. But here’s why I think in the long run, opposites repel like wildfire.

Mismatched Values

I’m not advocating that you go out and marry your Bobsy Twin, but when you commit to someone with values that are different from your own, you are going to butt heads repeatedly. Even if you end up agreeing, it may feel like real work to agree on everything.

Marriage is work.

But it shouldn’t feel as if every single choice or activity involves strenuous compromise. That takes away the fun and spark of a relationship, which all relationships need.

Your values don’t have to be a direct match but overall, there needs to be a common ground or the shared ability to understand where the other person is coming from.

*Party Bonus:

If you’re with someone whose values are totally different, be prepared to spend a lot of time trying to envision life from that individual’s shoes. You must have a lot of love, perspective, and openness to really try to comprehend an opposing point of view.

Introvert/Extrovert

You and your Mrs. or Mr. don’t have to be socially the same, but you do have to respect that one partner may need to retreat upon occasion, and the other may need to bask in the spotlight.

Personally?

If one partner happens to be on the tail end of introversion and the other on the tail end of extroversion, I don’t think that works long term. It didn’t for me.

Just my two cents. Whether it means much, it’s for you to decide.

Activities

You don’t need to enjoy the same things to be a tight couple…but you do need to enjoy something together in order to really keep having fun together.

If you both continuously show up to activities or dates together and look at each other and think, “Well this sucks,” chances are you’re too opposite to really make your love go the distance.

What’s Exotic now…

Might be irritating later. Don’t expect the person to change. Take the person for who he or she is, and accept that. If you find someone who is your polar opposite yet you’re hoping you can get the person to change…

Good luck my friend.

Attitudes

How you both approach life should be compatible. If you’re a glass half-full dude and she’s a glass half-empty chick or vice versa, you’re bound to feel frustrated by the lack of common ground.

Moral of this Dating Story

You don’t need to marry,date, or see your twin, but you do need to have enough common ground to make it stretch the distance.

3 thoughts on “Sorry Paula Abdul: Opposites Don’t Attract. Forever”

According to this study humans generally pick mates similar to themselves. Other studies find an exception in one area – the smell of our sweat indicating which bacterial culture is on our skin and by proxy which immune genes predominate. Presumably this is so we can seek to maximise the immunity in our young.