Sexual tension between co-workers turns out to be ‘completely one-sided’

Peter Ferguson, an IT analyst in Surrey, has been told that he had ‘completely misread the signals’ between himself and work colleague Shirley Gray.

For months Mr Ferguson believed that he was about to embark on a passionate affair with the attractive 23 year old from the accounts department, but has now been informed that she has never had any interest in him whatsoever. ‘No the air of sexual tension was incredible’ said Peter. ‘We both knew we couldn’t make eye contact when I was in the room, because neither of us would be able to control ourselves. So she deliberately didn’t even look up when she knew I was near her desk.’

Peter recalls that for months the love affair built up using an elaborate code, in which the married father-of three flirted with Shirley by emailing her apparently dry sounding accounts queries, and she would tease him by waiting a tantalising day or so, until finally giving him an apparently straight answer. ‘An outside would never have been able to have been able to spot what was going on’ mused Peter. ‘But when she used words like ‘Spreadsheet’ and ‘deposit’, I knew what she was getting at. And as for that time in the office kitchen. ‘Can I have some of your milk?’ is about the most sexually-loaded comment I ever heard!’

During a work gathering to celebrate the firm’s 50th anniversary, Peter finally made a fumbling, drunken lunge to kiss Shirley, who firmly but politely informed him that his actions were unwelcome. Shirley was shocked to hear that Peter had been so infatuated with her; ‘Sexual tension? No it was more like an uncomfortable silence. He would come in to the office and ask me some pointless question and wait whilst I looked it up on the computer. I knew he was staring at my breasts all the time, but I just wanted to get rid of him as soon as possible, he’s a creep; all the girls think so. When he tried to kiss me, I was nearly sick.’

Following the incident, Mr Ferguson was moved to another branch of the company thirty miles away. ‘I still think Shirley and I will get it together’ said Paul. ‘You don’t know Shirley’s sense of humour. When she says ‘Get lost sad man’ it’s her way of flirting. The little vixen just included me in a round robin about the company’s new invoicing system. Talk about a come on…’