This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2012, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

As President Barack Obama basks in electoral victory, patriots in all 50 states have filed online petitions to secede from the country they claim to love so very much. Hmm … this just seems too easy. What if we call their bluff?

Let's set aside a region just for them that would be considered sovereign and autonomous. Texas might work; there are already so many secessionists there.

There, they will be free to conduct affairs and pass legislation they deem appropriate. They can abolish all income taxes, outlaw abortion, teach what they want and cut what waste they want.

But they will get no federal taxpayer monies, no Medicare, Medicaid or Social Security. No federal loans, postal service, educational subsidies or military bases.

They must raise their own revenue, fund their own schools and take care of their sick, unemployed and elderly. And when a river floods or a hurricane strikes, it's entirely their problem.

Enjoy your new country, crybabies. Oh, don't let the door hit you on your way out.