Shun Egg Nog

This especially holds for certain drunken episodes in my past. I shall never again drink pina coladas or eggnog. Pina coladas were the trendiest drink of the early '70s. There was even a song about them. A bowlful of the pineapple - coconut milk drink was just sitting there at a particularly boring party I attended. A chugging contest challenge was issued. When you are 25 years old, such challenges must be met. The sickly-sweet, viscous liquid went down my throat easily. Unfortunately, it came back up just as easily curdled by stomach acid into a sour Devil's brew. I couldn't look at a Mounds bar or a pineapple upside down cake for a year. Pina coladas soon went the way of disco music and polyester clothing. Did others share my experience, remember their trauma and consign pina coladas to the dustbin of history?

Also back in the 70s, the prime libation offered at holiday parties was egg nog spiked with rum and heavily sprinkled with nutmeg. 70s people were unfazed by a drink mix concocted of raw eggs and cream which explains why cardiac wards were jam-packed during Yuletide. Again, I found myself at a boring party with free booze. Not having learned my my lesson from the pina colada episode, an egg nog chugging contest ensued. Not surprisingly, I experienced the same result. The nutmeg was particularly vile on its return trip up my GI tract.

But was the nutmeg at fault? Recently, two explosions blew out a wall at a New Jersey factory that was producing egg nog. Workers claimed that they had just loaded a vat with the ingredients for a new recipe when the blast occurred. Fire officials stated that several people could have been killed in the blast had it not happened on a weekend when only a skeleton crew was present.

Not to get all conspiracy theory here, but clearly egg nog is highly explosive. My long ago experience proved that. Worse, egg nog producers are making it even more potent during secret weekend experiments.

Holiday party goers, beware! Shun egg nog. The Forces of Evil are making it ever more potent. Remember history. Do not repeat my mistake.