How I got to be
The BEAST Page 5 Dictatorial Facial Hair: Well,
while Rob was at Oxford I was a full-grown, full-fledged ‘stache,
but the more he focused on Zimbabwean nationalism the smaller I
became. Eventually, I was reduced to the sad state you see today. And
that’s the real tragedy.

Future Plans: I’m
talking to Random House right now about getting my book published.
We’re currently at an impasse about the tone of the thing. They
want an historic retelling of my days under the nose of Africa’s
most terrible leader, but I’m leaning more toward a fictional
account of the last days of Stalin’s pubes.

How I’d
Like to be Remembered:
As an absolute icon of dictatorial fashion, but more importantly, as
an unpretentious bit of keratin which grows approximately .4 mm per
day.