G-rated tips from my X-rated life

My kids always seem to wait for when I am chopping veggies with a sharp knife to drop some eyebrow raising tidbit.

Ocean* says, “King talked about pooberty in the dugout. I looked up but tried to not act shocked or worried. “Oh he did, did he? What did he need to talk about?”

King giggled then said, “Everyone asked why I was so tall and I said because I am going through pooberty. I showed them hair on my legs too.”

Straight-faced, 9 years old, matter-of-fact, delivers this information. He is neither tall for his age nor going through puberty. Uh, pooberty. Now you might say, “see this is exactly why I am afraid to talk to my kids about sex and puberty—it will lead to embarrassing conversations in the dugout. But actually, I’m the embarrassed one. Embarrassed to tell you that our kids heard about puberty from jokes on the Disney station, before even I the sex savvy author and educator, got to tell them about it. Oh we’ve talked about the lead up topics: using correct words for body parts, and a few other details, but we have not actually discuss the definition of puberty until this event happened. Isn’t that something. In many ways, I am just like every other parent— never prepared for how fast our kids are growing. I’ve been a nanny, an educator, a pre-school teacher, a fabulous Auntie (if I do say so myself) advising everyone else what to do throughout the years and now it’s my turn. Well my advice has not changed much but my stories have only gotten funnier and my list of answers for parents to give inquiring minds now hits the floor like a Santa Claus scroll in happy land!

*names are change for privacy but yes, the wild Ocean and the smartie King work very well.

Food journalist and author Stephanie Rosenbaum ties up Michelle Meow with Shar’s help. Shar wants to demonstrate her new bondage ties by Luz de la Riva! Decadent chocolate cake from The Astrology Cookbook and more femme adventures. Thanks to Manic D Press for publishing such an awesome book. PS: Good Vibrations stores in the bay area have it in stock.

This Love, Life & Sex listener wrote in quite a question. Are you more worried about her realizing he’s bad in bed or that he is married? Lastly Shar reveals her wish for a big bus of lube to take her on tour!

Join Michelle Meow and the fabulous Swirl Family on SwirlRadio -dot- com.

Just when you think you can skip into the feminist porn woods curious as to what sexual entertainment or education you might find there, beware Dorothy! Now Zombie Anti-porn alleged-feminists are in the fun-sexuality woods on the hunt. They are actually not feminists–It’s clear from their actions that they do not believe in equality among genders (aka Feminism). Their efforts are indeed Zombie because they are from the dead anti-porn feminists only now it’s grosser because all the stench and extra burden of rotting flesh from HAVING BEEN DEAD SO LONG. As we all know, Zombies multiply like bunnies so these idiots are not alone in their attacks, just sit in Congress.

Tyra Banks Shoes are so great they are Shoe Porn

LOVING HOMAGES TO PORN what this article is really about…

Meanwhile, back in the everyday world [where the majority of people forget that extremists constantly try to steal our sexual power and we are just going on with our daily lives] I would propose that porn is not a scary word and as a matter of fact is used as something close to flattery.

When someone wants to show or indulge in something that they love it’s often called “porn.” There is shoeporn (dot) com for people who love shoes. There is foodporndaily (dot) com which is gorgeous pictures of food. In Off Beat Bride there is “wedding porn.” No it’s not people in wedding dresses having sex. It’s, you know, such great wedding indulgence that they call it wedding porn. That’s all.

There are endless pinterest pages for all kinds of indulgences aka porn including “decorator porn,” “hair porn” and even “popcorn porn.” There’s guitarporn in the UK and that’s just one of many in the guitar porn category. There is cabinet porn where the owner of the site tells us what lovely antique cabinets should be put back into production because they were the best cabinets ever.

There’s even fountain pen porn for us writers who really really just drool over a luxurious fountain pen.

Lickable Fountain Pens are Porn to Writers

So if porn is purported to be such an unacceptable thing then why is the word thrown around in a such a complimentary manner?

Jackie and I used to make porn. We named our company S.I.R. for Sex Indulgence and Rock-n-Roll. Indulgence described everything in between. And now “porn” means indulgence–not just any sloppy indulgence, mind you, but gorgeous indulgence. Look at any of these sites I listed above and you will see that they were made with respect, care and love for whatever subject they are captivated by. Frankly, I don’t think most people are very upset about porn nor care. That’s why they lovingly use the word to mean “a visual or aural indulgence of a subject adored.” I will take credit for that definition.

Off Beat Bride has Wedding Porn

So back to the woods. We must always guard against those who want to monitor and criminalize sexuality. Alas, we don’t get to rest when it comes to civil liberties. So get out your sword…hold on…wait a sec…looking up sword porn. Yep there is it pictures of high quality swords “A Peter Lyon Gallery” and he writes, “Lock the door and shut the blinds. Because it’s just alone time with you and the swords baby.” Ahhh, how he loves swords and his fellow sword admirers so much so that he made sword porn for them. And that’s what we did when we made our S.I.R. porn for you.

Hi Rainy Day–I wanna see you. Let’s tie back the curtain with a girly sexy thong

Let’s face it–even I, Shar Rednour, promotor of parents having sexy date nights and keeping their love alive physically and sexually, yes even I have got to admit that I do not use these sexy thongs for their original purpose anymore. Pah-leeze. Sex is often after an hour of reading The Wind in the Willows aloud or indulging our youngest in mega tooth sharkon youtube. I do not wear thongs for bad quality mega-tooth shark videos!

I am listing this picture as my #2 since using them for hair ties would be the number 1 use. Can I add a “duhhh” ala 80s valley girl to that statement without annoying you?

between too-small-for-the-boys spiderman underwear and my pile of lonely g-strings I am never without a hair-tie.

please send your other uses and I will add them–I am sure we can come up with 101 uses for abandoned sexy g-strings or thongs.

PS: don’t forget to hit my “like” button below so more people will join in the fun! thanks.

Yes shaving for moms and other people who do not have the time or take the time treat every shaving session like it’s Spa Day at The Claremont! I never go for these gimmicky things but this one really worked. Shaving easy the first time ever!

Jackie and I got in a fight once about money and I said, “listen, the true evidence that we have officially moved into middle-class despite not having a 401k or savings account is the razors I buy. She laughed and said “you’re right.”

I now buy a fancy expensive razor BECAUSE it works. I love it. Before I go more into finance and helping you save $ buying it let me give you the review of the Venus Spa Breeze by Gillette. It has the little gel pillows on the top and bottom of the razor. I’ve seen it before and didn’t even pay attention. They looked like little rubber teething rings to my eyes. Sorry. But one day the word “sensitive” caught my eye, I had a coupon and what the heck, I bought it.
The Venus Spa Breeze is perfect for moms and women on the go.(see my last line for coupon)

You get it wet, slick it around your body and bam you are done. We have a shower stall that you have to stand in–which makes shaving all the more dangerous. No nicks, no ouchies, no boo boos. I used it everywhere. I did get bikini line bumps when I didn’t go back and shave soon enough. I did not get them though from simply shaving and I did not get them when I shaved often. Take it out of the shower between uses, let it air dry and store properly if you want to use it again.

Let me know what you find price wise. Luckily I had $6 CVS bucks plus a coupon or honestly I never would have bought it the first time. In the San Francisco Bay Area I cannot find them for less than $14. Target said $10 online which was cheaper than all except Amazon. Now I get refills on Amazon. Be sure to click open the “Special Offers Available” link that is so subtlety sitting below the price line. That will open up a $2 coupon that you can apply to purchase.