How cool can death be...??

Much better than the last time. I have timed it not by a degree of desperation, but by what influence I still have over my rational thoughts... And yes, it seems, I have been granted a throwaway absolution by darkness itself - and I can live with that...what I meant was, I can die with that....

What is surprising is, that I expected from me the last grand gesture, my final Pièce de résistance to those of you, who still think suicidal gestures are all what the emotional furnaces in this forum are churning out. Alas, no. I'm truly humbled by the indifference I feel for the "Don't do it" brigade. Don't get me wrong, this is not a criticism on the incredible support network Ive been offered here, however when it comes to dying, I'm sobered to the core what a lonely affair it is.

Support is for the living and for the dying but not for the dead. What am I but one, who has lived who is no longer flirting with an (irrational) hope of the dying, but has - to all extent and purpose - accepted the status of a dead man walking...and walking I will.

How trivial my existence is now in the greater scheme of things. "“see the world in a grain of sand ... And eternity in an hour.” (Blake) How incredibly alone one is in death, how small the footprint becomes and how little of your hand-reared salmagundi of life's wisdom's are relevant right now... The only magic capable of spellbinding is that indeed, I'll return to stardust. I shone brightly for a short while, boy, did I live...a star in the making throughout my life...now I'm grinding my lapis philosophorum to dust again...

Make no mistake, I will manifest myself again, be it in the centre of a star or in the fragrance of a wildflower...life treated me well..

There is no contradiction in making that statment. Maybe it was a case of how I treated my life ??? Being suicidal does not exclude the joy of reaching the summits I climbed, nor does it include exclusively the gorges I fell into.

Much better than the last time. I have timed it not by a degree of desperation, but by what influence I still have over my rational thoughts... And yes, it seems, I have been granted a throwaway absolution by darkness itself - and I can live with that...what I meant was, I can die with that....

What is surprising is, that I expected from me the last grand gesture, my final Pièce de résistance to those of you, who still think suicidal gestures are all what the emotional furnaces in this forum are churning out. Alas, no. I'm truly humbled by the indifference I feel for the "Don't do it" brigade. Don't get me wrong, this is not a criticism on the incredible support network Ive been offered here, however when it comes to dying, I'm sobered to the core what a lonely affair it is.

Support is for the living and for the dying but not for the dead. What am I but one, who has lived who is no longer flirting with an (irrational) hope of the dying, but has - to all extent and purpose - accepted the status of a dead man walking...and walking I will.

How trivial my existence is now in the greater scheme of things. "“see the world in a grain of sand ... And eternity in an hour.” (Blake) How incredibly alone one is in death, how small the footprint becomes and how little of your hand-reared salmagundi of life's wisdom's are relevant right now... The only magic capable of spellbinding is that indeed, I'll return to stardust. I shone brightly for a short while, boy, did I live...a star in the making throughout my life...now I'm grinding my lapis philosophorum to dust again...

Make no mistake, I will manifest myself again, be it in the centre of a star or in the fragrance of a wildflower...life treated me well..

This might be a bit off the actual content but I have to say that you're a fantastic writer. Read through your posts and it's like a ballet of words that pleases my eyes. :smile:

10x more intellectual than anything I could do, but at the same time they're the ones I can relate to most, so far. Some parts are like the thoughts I've had but never been able to put words to. You're truly exceptional - no sarcasm, just a genuine thought.

Being suicidal does not exclude the joy of reaching the summits I climbed, nor does it include exclusively the gorges I fell into.

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I would like to challenge you on this quote if i may. If you have decided to leave you can at least take the time to explain to me this sentence. I love you magical way of using words, as you can see from most of the posts on here you have a special talent that many envy but lets not get distracted from what you are actually - all you are saying is you going to kill yourself. Not exactly the poetry you want is it?? I am not going to say your way of thinking is wrong - prehaps you will become star dust again but when reading your post i wonder at whether your beautiful creativity has clouded you from the reality. I wonder at why you posted this...can you explain this to me?
How do you know you will not be able to climb higher? Maybe the summits you've reached are mere hills in comparison to the mountains before you that you have blackened with all your talk of night and stars.
Again, i have to say the beauty of your post is evident but lets not all forget that this is not just words, behind these words is a person - life isn't a darkened tragic play and suicide isn't anything intriguingly beautiful - it is simply the end of a life. No glorious words, no sweeping sunset, no dark thunderclouds - only pain and sadness.

How trivial my existence is now in the greater scheme of things. "“see the world in a grain of sand ... And eternity in an hour.” (Blake)

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Indeed. If you count the nearest few cubic light years of the universe as the greater scheme of things, then the greater scheme of things is incredibly empty, cold, and boring. Not even much chemistry you can do, when the universe is 98% hydrogen and helium. At 4 degrees above absolute zero.

Relying solely on natural history to inform one's philosophy gives you an appreciation both for emptiness and for the astonishing value of human life.

How incredibly alone one is in death

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Good to know you realize this. Too many people, esp families of suicides, talk with too much confidence of heaven.

I won't pretend I can talk you out of this. And frankly, some of your opinions are irritating. But I did enjoy this post, Trippy.

According to stories and poetry about war from people who have witnessed death time and time again, it is an incredibly ugly and sad thing. In my personal opinion far too many people take death far too lightly, like life is some sort of game that you should just stop playing when it gets too hard. The reality might be that this is what's been given and that is all, you either make do and work on what you have or don't do at all. Of course, that's only my narrow opinion, I could be wrong and there could be crystal streams of water and streets paved in solid gold, etc etc fill in rest of religion of choice here.