Tuesday, December 8, 2009

This has been the longest month of my life. As I've grown older, everything has seemed to speed up, but this month was truly the exception. I recall looking at the clock in the PICU, thinking it must be about 4 in the afternoon and it was 11:30 in the morning. As we get further away from November 8, there's a different kind of stress. It's not nearly as acute, but it wears. I told you I would be honest with you. I have been given my husband and daughter back from the brink, and that is nothing but joy. I have friends and family who have gone way more than the extra mile. And that is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I have seen the love of God in a way I never could have imagined. That is amazing grace. But to deny to you the loss and the longing would be to be untruthful, and I promised I would not do that. I miss my "old life", and I miss my best friend. I'm sad for the mountain both he and Hannah and my boys have to climb, even though I know the whole dang thing ends in victory. I'm determined, by the grace of God, to shake every good thing I can out of this mess. I know what the scriptures say is true "He causes all things to work together for good for those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." What a relief that our Father can handle all our emotions. All our traumas. All our crisis', little and big. My dear cyber friends, He cares about your stuff too. Believe me, He does. Not a sparrow falls to the ground without His knowing.

Hannah had lunch with her dad today at Sunnyview before her therapies. It was sweet to simply sit next to them and talk about nothing in particular. After Hannah was done, Steve had to go for his "work outs", and we drove back to East Greenbush for science tutoring. Happily, Hannah's actual science teacher is tutoring her. You can't believe how great this is. Not only does he know where she's been, he knows where she needs to go. (Thank you, Columbia teachers. You guys are the best!) She also got that bone chip removed from her gum today, which was a relief to her. Let's root for those new teeth to come in the mail soon. (I never imagined in a lifetime that I would write that last sentence. How things change!)

Stephen "hopped" 7 feet today. You heard it right, folks, 7 feet. It was a gargantuan feat, performed by my very own hero. He also got into a Sunnyview "car". They have the body of an automobile with seats to help people practice getting in and out. He was definitely jazzed by the progress, because more of the same spells H-O-M-E. As Dorothy reminds us when she taps together her red shoes, there's no place like it.

As for me, tonite I'm taking a bath in a tub someone else scrubbed, using bath soap someone sent to me, after eating a meal someone else made, after not Christmas shopping because someone else did it for me, after being encouraged by someone who cares, while being watched over by officers who are vigilant, while being completely amazed at all the good there is in a fallen world. I'll try not to feel guilty about the bath while Steve can't even take a shower for months. (That's part of that "survivor's guilt" thing that happens after stuff like this). Once again I say goodnight to you all with gratitude and love in my heart. What in the world would I ever do without you? Carry on my friends, courage!

Your friend on the pilgrim road,

Loriann

PS - Here's another great C.S. Lewis quote: "Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point."

9 comments:

Mary Louise
said...

NEVER feel bad for taking a nice hot soak. It's my favorite form of relaxation. Granted it doesn't happen that often but when I can, I do!! Enjoy the fact that someone else cleaned your tub because before you know it you'll have the job back yourself!! "For I am convinced that neither death , nor life, not angels, nor principalities, nor things present, not things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. " Rom.8:38-39Someone shout hallelujah!

How in the world was I so blessed as to get a friend like you? Thank you for everything, especially that night at Sunnyview with Hannah. All the kind thoughts and words from you mean the world to me. And those Frappucinos for Hannah, well, she's back up to her normal weight!

Loriann,You shouldn't feel guilty about the bath,(I'm sure Steve appreciates it!) Relaxing will help so you can give him your best. You definitely shouldn't feel guilty about allowing others to show you the love of Christ. It's what we have been commanded to do for each other. Don't deprive us of that joy. It is an honor to help your family. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would be right there to help, as you have been in the past. We all love you guys(and girls). Doreen

Taking a wonderful bath in a tub you did not clean is one of the ways of that God takes care of you and ministers to you. If you did not need it, He would not have provided it.

So then, Loriann, whether you eat or drink or enjoy a nice bath, or whatever you may do, do all for the honor and glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31)

When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you — a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide and bathtubs you did not clean, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant — then when you eat and bathe and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. (Deuteronomy 6:10-12)

It is so good to hear how well Hannah and Steve are doing.

We continue to pray for you all and for complete restoration for everyone - not just for Hannah and Steve, but also for you, Joseph, and David.

Loriann - Your blogs are so encouraging and you actually help strengthen our faith by letting us know how God is pulling you and your family through step by step. What a joy to see that even through your daily struggles, there is much joy and peace that can only come from our Father above! I love seeing the happy photos of Hannah and the girls enjoying themselves. And the progress that Steve is making is just wonderful to hear (there's the step-by-step again!) We love you all and you are in our thoughts and prayers always.Ginny Bromsey

I love the interpretation of that verse. By God's grace, I will never forget Him. But if I ever do, I know He who is the author and PERFECTOR of my faith will bring me back. I miss you so and our cell group times!

Dear Loriann,Your comment "I miss my old life" rang so true...the tears started and I ached for you and for me. Although we are 6 1/2 years past our son's accident (with TBI) and by God's grace and months of therapy he is out on his own, I still sometimes get drawn back to wanting the old life....with no residue. That first year I really missed my old life. I never allowed myself to grieve thinking that would mean I was accepting the change that was so difficult. Maybe I just grieved differently from others....it still hurts that our family went through so much BUT I thank God for His faithfulness. You don't know me but we are praying....it is a LONG road....but God is there EVERY step of the way. Laureen (ljlawrence @hughes.net)

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Steve & Hannah

On Sunday, November 8th, Steve and Hannah Smith were involved in a very serious head-on collision with a drunk driver. This blog was created to provide a central source to communicate information and the Smith family's needs.