Do photos steal your soul?

The answer is of course yes. For example, if you were to take a photograph of a loved one right now, there would be no risk whatsoever to the loved one's soul. However, if you were to repeat the process many times, photographing loved ones, neighbours from when you lived in Yeovil, some slightly historic buildings you saw in Holland, and especially some babies, and you were to keep those photos in a box, and then much later if your teenage grandchildren were to come round and you were to take out the box and show them all of these photos one after the other for nearly three hours and not even offer them a biscuit or anything, their souls might very easily be destroyed.

Why do people fall in love?

If love is not covered up properly, you can fall in it. Photograph: Jimmy May/AP

The most important point to make here is that love ought to be covered at all times. If the cover is left off and the love is poorly signposted then it becomes what lawyers call "an attractive nuisance" and unfortunately people can and do fall in. What happens next depends very much on the relative density of the faller-in and the love. If the person is less dense than love they will float along on the surface. In extreme cases, such as a person of low gravitas falling into unusually heavy love they may even be able bounce around on the surface tension in blissful ignorance of the risks, like a wet dog on a paper trampoline. Conversely, a dense person falling into a frothy kind of love will sink like a granite otter unless they use some kind of a flirtation device, or the love turns out to be shallow enough to stand up in. If you do manage to climb back out of love then it can usually be rinsed off with a mixture of alcohol and tears over a period of 19 months.

Why is the sky blue?

This has long puzzled scientists but they now believe it is because the sky woke up one morning and its woman had done left it on its own.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

As well as the three human songs about rainbows, pretty much every other species of mammal also has at least one song about a rainbow. Surprisingly this even includes the Ganges River Dolphin, which despite being functionally blind has a song which roughly translates as: "What if there were another sense besides the four obvious ones, and what if there were a phenomenon whereby the thing that that sense could distinguish were to be broken down into its component parts by passing through thousands of tiny water drops? Wouldn't that be lovely, and by the way does this river taste of dead people to you?"

Although they only see in black and white, badgers sing a lot of songs about rainbows, including "The stripes of my beloved's face are both the colours of the rainbow."

Did history correctly answer the Schleswig-Holstein question?

No. In the examination history ran out of time, panicked and answered A to all of the remaining 17 questions, one of which was the Schleswig-Holstein question. So the fundamental problem is that history never actually read the Schleswig-Holstein question, the actual answer to which was C.

What is the best use for an infinite number of monkeys?

If you have an infinite number of monkeys you don't need to worry about what to use them for as they can do an infinite number of tasks in an infinitely short time. Basically there'd be no problem you couldn't solve by throwing monkeys at it. You should probably start though by addressing the problems of catering, accommodation and infrastructure that go along with owning an infinite number of monkeys. Chief among these is that if you didn't spread them very carefully throughout all of space then their infinite mass would cause a monkey black hole that could destroy the universe in an implosion of anguished simian whoops.

If you believe you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this blog why not pour yourself a very stiff drink and think about maybe having a holiday? Meanwhile if anything in the universe is puzzling you do leave a question and before long we'll have the whole of the rest of the universe explained.