Jokes – Free Jokes Online – Best Jokes 2011

– What is an imaginative man in love?
A man who knows more than three positions.

– How do men exercise at the beach?
On returning to their stomachs every time they see a beautiful young woman in a bikini.

An exceptional event occurred yesterday in the maternity: A child is born with male genitalia and female … … A penis and a brain.
Married life is very frustrating. The first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. The second year, the woman speaks and the man who is listening. From the third year, it is both speaking and listening to the neighbors.

– What idea is to give the man a hand at home?
Lifting her legs to be vacuuming underneath.

Why women do not have bitte?
– Because they think with their head.

What is the difference between a man and an eagle? – The eagle is a hawk and the man is a real idiot!

– What is that men are always running after women, without any intention of marrying so far?
The same reason that dogs pursue the cars without having the intention to drive.

What is the difference between a man and a cat? No: they are both afraid of the vacuum cleaner!

Three women discuss:
– I, my husband said the first, when I made love is like a Ferrari: it’s going at a speed maddening!
– I, mine is like a Rolls, it is really comfortable, says the second.
– Well I said the third, my husband is a real clunker: each time I have to start by hand.

Why women do not want to marry there more?
They prefer to have bacon in the fridge rather than a fat pig in the parlor.

What is a man and a dog have in common? They think just playing with their tails.

What is the difference between a man and a cup of coffee?
Y’en not clap on the two nerves

Men are like snakes. – It has no head, just a tail.

How common is there between a man and a horse and a diamond?
– These are the best friends of women, provided they are well mounted

A woman notices her husband in the bathroom. He is standing on the balance in the process of weighing and trying somehow to get her stomach as much as possible. She said:
– Even if you try to get your belly, I do not think it helps you in anything! The husband replied:
– Of course it helps me, is the only way to see the numbers on the scale!

A man arrives at the police station.
– I report the death of my wife.
– Since when did you notice her disappearance?
– Uh … It must be a dozen days!
– 12 days!? But why only now coming report it?
– Well, is that until now it was livable, but there it remains for me to clean dishes or laundry!

He is a man who enters his home Oct. 31.
He grabs his wife and kissed her breasts. His wife said:
– What are you doing here!
It meets silly:
– Well what? It is the feast of All Saints!
– Ha!
The next day, it grabs the woman, her panties down and gives him a small penis on Bizou. Her husband said:
– What are you doing here?
And his wife:
– After the feast of Saints, it is the festival of the dead, right?

What is the similarity between men and sperm? Of so many millions, there is only one serving.

Why women are jokes always two lines? So that men can understand them.

How do I know when a man says stupid things?
-The lips are moving

Why does one bury the men on the belly? Because otherwise we would not have enough land to fulfill their big mouth ….