Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Fucked up and the Ugly...

A bitch had a peaceful evening at home last night. My ass watched The Revolutionary War on Discovery. That was some war, chil’ren! Fantabulous drama and the underdog wins! It always amazes me that our founding fathers were able to mount a successful insurgency without the right to bare arms or the ability to bitch about the King under the threat of hanging. Hmmm. What was Scooter saying about building democracies? Anyhoo, a bitch was in historical bliss (which included several vodka crans…2 cubes ice then vodka followed by cran…and a new pack of cigs).

After a restful sleep (a bitch gave Ann Coulter the night off), my ass woke up early and made eggs. That’s right chil’ren! A bitch made cheesy eggs and toast on a Thursday morning…and it was good!

Over my second cup of coffee my ass noticed an interesting news blip on the CNN crawl. A bitch is still boycotting the Today Show, but I plan to resume viewing tomorrow…those fuckers need to be monitored and this bitch is the woman to do it! The CNN crawl that caught my attention was some shit about Katherine Harris (that nasty looking stank bitch who gave Scooter his job). It appears that Katherine of the frightful makeup Katherine’s is making news yet again…

ABB’s Op Ed on the repositioning of Katherine Harris’ FaceKatherine Harris is alleging that several newspapers doctored pictures of her to make her makeup appear more hideous. A bitch was actually hoping that digital tampering was responsible for that woman’s face, but the truth is much more frightening.

Katherine Harris really is that heinous looking! A bitch understands that Katherine is trying to spin her ugliness as the part of a liberal media plot, but my ass saw her on television for weeks…she’s really that fucked up in the face! This public relations tactic simply will not work and Katherine need only examine the Linda Tripp case to know that.

Linda Tripp of the backstabbing illegal taping Tripp’s also tried to spin that the evil liberal media was making her…well…look like a walrus in heat. But the truth of the matter was that Linda really was that to’ up. Live media interviews on CNN don’t lie! Confronted with the evidence of her let-it-all-go-to-hell-20-years-ago-edness, Linda attempted plastic surgery…a bitch still thinks she looks like a freak, but a least she looks like a human freak now. The point is that the media didn’t doctor a damn thing with Linda and they didn’t doctor Katherine’s ugly ass either!

Katherine Harris is engaging in the time honored conservative tactic of looking the world in the fucking eye and saying “I know what you think you saw, but you didn’t see what you know you were looking at.” Hurts the brain, doesn’t it? Just review two examples of this clever tactic that conservatives have pulled in the past…

Conservative said they’d never trade arms for hostages, then did it, then turned around and said they never said that they wouldn’t do it and managed to spin the majority of the American public into thanking them for trading arms for hostages and then lying about it.

Conservatives said they never pre-planned the war in Iraq, then said we needed to invade to find weapons, which they didn’t even have the decency to plant in Basra, after which they then changed the purpose of the war to reflect the original purpose as shown in pre-war documents…which was to democratize the region…which they still claim they never pre-planned to do.

A bitch has seen this shit before. There’s always some neo-con on television trying to tell my ass that I didn’t see what I fucking know I saw or that I didn’t hear what my black ass knows I heard!

It stops now!

Katherine Harris was tore up, is tore up and will remain forevah tore the fuck up!