Monday, February 23, 2009

Coveting the 1920's Kitsch

Our generation does not have a corner on useless, kitschy junk...here are a few lovely and ridiculous items sold by Lewis & Conger in the May 18, 1929 New Yorker:

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the ONE-LEGGED TABLE!

The One-Legged Table fits across the arms of your chair or settles comfortably down on your lap. One side of the top is padded soft--for cards. The other side is hard--for writing or what you will. Ours is finished in currant red. Also comes in apple green.

Red or green, I can't understand what advantage a ONE-legged table has over a FOUR-legged table, except that it falls over when you stand up.

And for those who love talking vegetables:

"GOSH! my figure absolutely ruined!" groaned the asparagus as it limply broke upon being fished out of a pot. Such tragedies simply don't happen if you use an Asparagus Boiler.

I have to admit that I don't own one of these myself.

And finally, for the parents who wish they'd given birth to a Picasso painting:

Step-Pup boosts the youngsters up to the wash basin. His puppy face forms one end, his jaunty tail the handle. He's painted pink and has oilcloth around his middle.

Got that? You can't just picture that object sitting on the bathroom floor...you have to picture it in PINK.

This stuff is far worse than the long-distance grabbers and toilet-paper coseys *I* grew up coveting.