Monday, January 02, 2006

Down, out and depressed

Somehow my plans for the future seem to have gone up in smoke for the moment.

Job wise I'm becoming increasingly angry and disgruntled.

Was looking at my retirement plans and realise it's much easier to plan for my children rather than me.

Realised that living longer means needing more money for retirement. So what's the point in living longer?

Met up with old classmates and everyone as just talking about making money.

I think it isn't such a bad idea to just drop dead from some arrythmia right now. Then my family can get some money from my life insurance policies as well as half my flat paid for by the home protection scheme.

hi docI've always respected and admired physicians like your kind self, and frankly, if my family could, I would have considered a path to being an allopathic physician myself. But alas, family situation didn't allow that here, and so I had to pursue a path to a different "doctor", a PhD.

I am only in my 40s, and so am a long way off from retirement (if at all possible in stressful SG here). I do sincerely wish the best for you and family, and hope you will find blessings, peace, joy and good wishes for 2006.

Hope you are well and better today. Yes, it's normal to have mood swings.Give yourself a break. Bring the family for a short cruise and you'll feel better.

I don't know what "risks" you're talking about but the old medical adage still rings true: the benefits must outweigh the risks. Whatever it is, it's better to be contented with what you have now and not take unneccessary "risks" that will bring more problems than the rewards.

Hopefully, rules change and who knows you may really end up becoming a happy aussie bloke!

I was thinking that if you are a medical graduate of their universities, you shouldn't encounter much problems isn't it?

You don't need 10K A$ to survive there. Don't forget the chicken run, the fruit orchards and the channels and rivers where you can fish for your dinner. And you don't even need bait to fish! Gasoline is cheap. Booze is plentiful. No stress. No one is thinking of making big bucks. Everyone just want to really LIVE.

Oz, it just occurred to me that it might be prudent to delete this post. If you die of dubious circumstances in the near future, this entry might be cited as evidence for suicide and deny your family of the insurance claim.

Frankly, I really don't understand you docs. Christ, you fellows are supposed to be DOCTORS who are expected to have a steady heart and mind. We count on doctors to console and advise us when our health is down the tube. But here, two of you are whining and one is even contemplating about the futility of life!

The whole thing boils down to "detachment" and "contentment". You must detach yourself from ever feeling sorry for your patients so long as you have done your very best for them. That's professionalism. And be "contented". If you can't afford to drive a Merc. a Nissan would do just fine. If you can't afford to stay in a bungalow in district 9 or 10, a comfortable HDB apartment would do just fine as well. Every job has its difficulties. Doctors are also not exempted from the vicissitudes of life. It is how you go about handling the emotional trauma and the problems of life that matters.

For that matter I am happy with a HDB flat and my toyota corolla. I have no desire to live in a condo or stupid house (that I would have to spend more time cleaning :)) or drive some ostentatious BMW, "european driving experience" that gets stuck in CTE jams most of the time.

Damn dumb if you ask me.

Actually it's not about the money. It's about the weather, the scenery, the clear blue skies, the open spaces, the seasons that I desire in life.

But if you live in Singapore you shouldn't be hoping for these things. In SG money is the single pursuit of every Singaporean. Otherwise there is nothing to live for!

I got kinda down because my dream of migrating seemed to go further from me.

I'm back on track at the moment, the application is in and in 2 weeks time I'll know the answer.

Doctors have their ups and downs too. And sometimes it can be tough having to deal with negativity the whole day and night while you aren't in the greatest of moods.

After all we always record our patient's "complaints". Can you imagine listening to people complaining the whole day, everyday?

I think it's good enough if I can hide my personal feelings and stay professional on the job, console my patients even if I can't successfully console myself. It doesn't happen all the time. But frankly in SG, I do feel that besides the money and my family, there is very little else to life.

Maybe I'm just the sort who likes a quiet lifestyle in the suburbs. Reminds me of my childhood in Hawaii.