The rather unfortunately named Dick Smith is a living Aussie icon (which is rare, because we tend to celebrate hanged bushrangers, dead horses and failed explorers), well known for making his millions from cheap electronics before selling off his business and venturing into launching the Australian Geographic magazine and store franchise and doing his best to get Aussies to buy food made and owned by other Aussies.

As such, he’s tried to emulate any typically Australian product that’s since been bought by evil multi-nationals. Some of his versions are just as good and some are….well, let’s just say well-intentioned.

Which leads me to ‘Temptin’ – Dicky’s version of Arnott’s Biscuits all time Australian classic known the world over as the ‘Tim Tam’. This is a very brave idea, kind of like a set decorator on ‘Coronation Street’ trying to replace the HP sauce with Uncle Sam’s Ketchup and hoping that viewers and locals don’t notice. Or getting the queen to ditch the Burberry and try wearing a Juicy couture tracksuit top instead… Just. Not. Done.

As you can see from the photo, the Temptins were slightly melted by the time I got them home, but that’s never stopped me before: I remember being airmailed a packet of Tim Tams when I was living in London, and they had literally melted and reset into a large brick comb by the time the packaging was torn off.

Sadly, it was obvious from the first mouthful that Temptin’s just ain’t Tim Tams. Not in the same ballpark, let alone neighbourhood or sports division. The coating is stingy, overly oily and the ingredients at the back mention the words no decent Chocablogger ever wants to read – Compounded Chocolate. No wonder they melted; the chocolate layer is far too thin and greasy to want to stay on the – quite frankly – substandard biscuit. The creamy milk filling so beloved of Tim Tams is also replicated here, but had a texture akin to library paste and is about as appetising. Overall there was a slightly chemical taste in my mouth after finishing which didn’t exact tempt me to reach for another Temptin. Oh and Dick – please do us a favour and add a ‘g’ to Temptin or you’ll anger the ex-English teacher in me (and many other pedants) for good.

So, sorry Dick. I like the reason behind your actions, but maybe you’d be better off using your millions buying the Tim Tam factory and brand from Arnotts instead of trying to recreate your own, weaker version.