Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Kids

There is this popular line which is used by a lot of men in a lot of movies "I like kids. Other people's kids". I am of the opinion that I like kids as long as there is a clear 30 meters distance between me and the kid, or at least there is a solid, sound proof, bullet proof wall between us.

A movie theater is one place where I don’t just hate kids. I DREAD them. I think all my hatred towards kids has its roots in one of the hazaar multiplexes of Bangalore.There are two kinds of kids and two kinds of people in multiplexes.One set of kids are the ones who don’t have a fuckin idea what is happening on screen. Either they are too young to know or they are too spoilt to give their brain a chance. They just make noise. Loud noise. Cry. Shout. Pee. Crap. Stink. Spill pop corn. Spill coke. Get lost. Loose their cap. Loose their clothes. Loose their sanity. These kids are the ones who come with useless parents which brings us to the first kind of parents. The useless ones. They have no idea what to do with their kids. They are just blessed with highly irritating kids and very low children management skills. They just let the kids be. They like the millions others around are hoping that the kid bloody shuts up and wishing they had used protection. 1The other set are the intelligent ones. The ones whose parents think are going to make it to NASA when they grow old. Its like a fuckin quiz happening in the theater.

Confused Kid: Daddy what is dyslexia?Father of the Unfortunate Confused Kid: Its a disease sonny. It a mental disorderCK: Whats a mental disorder?FUCK: Some people are born with some problem in their brain ...... (On and on about it)

FUCK: Who’s that? (Pointing to the screen)CK: KAREENA KAPOORFUCK: Very good. And whose that?CK: Thats Saif... Kareena's boyfriend. He has a divorced wife and a son like meFUCK: Excellent!! (turning to MUCK) Sonny is a very fast learner. He knows everything

Its time people realize that a movie hall is not a place where kids can have their evening out. They need a play ground with fresh air. More importantly, its high time people realize that movies are not a place where kids can gain knowledge. There is not one useful piece of shit that out movies have to offer kids. So keep them away from movies. Make them useful. Make them loveable.