Attention, single men with no shame: ABC wants YOU to be 'The Bachelor'

The Bachelor’s past four seasons have featured debatably eligible men with familiar well-chiseled faces – three of the rose givers first appeared as suitors on The Bachelorette, while repeat offender Brad Womack came back to the show for a second time in Season 15. But for the reality juggernaut’s 17th (!) season, ABC and Warner Horizon want to go back to the drawing board. Get ready to watch women sob at the most…dramatic…rose ceremonies…ever, starring a guy who has no connection to the franchise.

Yesterday, the studio and the network sent out a call for single dudes who want to significantly increase their hot tub exposure. It invites “those who feel they possess the charm, style, class and charisma to become America’s next leading man” to apply online to be on the show. (Masochists are also welcome to apply for Bachelor Pad 3, a “quest for love or $250,000.” You’re making my job too easy, ABC.)

Friends, family members, and confused significant others are also welcome to nominate someone they know.

The press release should be good news for those who were underwhelmed by The Bachelor’s last season, which garnered record low ratings. New blood could revive this series, which hasn’t exactly gotten better with age. That being said, the announcement also indicates that despite garnering EW’s seal of approval, potential Bachelor Lamar Hurd probably won’t make it to the show – meaning that ABC might not be ready for a black Bachelor after all. Well, that, or they’re so ready that they’re hoping a bunch of ethnically diverse guys will submit their names.

In any case, XY-positive PopWatchers, the only thing that’s standing between you and reality stardom is a five-page questionnaire filled with queries like “Do you have any tattoos?” and “Are you genuinely looking to get married?” (Hint: your answers should be “no” and “yes,” respectively. This is The Bachelor, not Rock of Love.) Just remember to submit an audition video as well – and if you need tips on what you should and shouldn’t include, Bachelor veteran Jake Pavelka is here to help: