Apologies for almost a month long wait time. I've been hunkering down on my own comic these past few weeks to the exclusion of all others. Hopefully, I can bang out the last 3-4 of these in the next week or so.

It's good to see that you made progress since first submitting your comic. Yes, there is normally enough to say about a few pages to fill out a meaty review, but the more material the better, obviously, particularly because one of the most important parts of review is identifying patterns. Patterns arise over time and across production. This is more evidence for the obvious--the best way to improve your production is to produce a lot over a long period of time, while self reflecting intermittently.

Goals/Intentions:I'm intrigued by the idea that this is a practice comic, as it has the markings of a relatively long term project. There's a sizable cast, and the premise implies that there is a deep well of mystery surrounding most if not all of them. What do you feel you need to practice? Is it technical skills or discipline? It could be both, obviously, but I think people tend to eventually come to terms with their level of technical skill, regardless of what it is, in the interest of finally getting started. Back to my initial point, it is only through the doing that you can improve. Devoting this project to practice and refinement is a smart move no matter how you slice it.

I'm also interested in what you consider "long." So far, your comic has been ongoing for over three months. That's not a long time, obviously, but all evidence that I can gather from it suggests that there is much more to come. If this project is not complicated and long term, I'm interested to see what your next project looks like.

Art:What strikes me immediately is the neatness of the environments. Specifically, the house interior looks like an IKEA catalog. On the one hand, the polish is easy on the eyes--almost therapeutic, actually. Marie Kondo would be proud. On the other hand, your environments are entirely devoid of character or emotion. All sense of mood and atmosphere is missing on every page. The hospital-esque lighting, the perfect geometry, and the soft, light color only succeed in imparting a sterilized comfort--maybe not even comfort; maybe it's just a smothering neutral hue.

This normally wouldn't be too much of an issue, particularly for a preparatory project, but given that this comic places a great deal of emphasis on the nature of the house, I think you should pay careful attention to this problem. Environments are the bane of every artist, I know, but if the heart of your comic hinges on its setting, then you are obliged to give as much character to that setting as possible. Dynamic lighting, a unique interior design, or disquieting architecture are a few examples of how you could give the house the same level of depth that you no doubt have planned for your characters.

Speaking of which, the characters also seem to suffer a similar impairment. There's nothing outwardly and aggressively wrong or off-putting about them, but, much like the house, they are chained up by their neutered designs. None of them are remarkable, and none of them are remarkably unremarkable. They are standard issue manga characters, without any of the traits that manga protagonists normally have to differentiate themselves from the amorphous crowd shots. Hair color is all they have going for them. Once again, this is a problem insofar as you make the claim in your premise that these characters have secrets worth discovering--Suar and Kenan in particular, I imagine.

Perhaps their more-than-mundane appearance is intentional, but I don't think it is a good reason to have so little character conveyed through visuals. There is nothing visually compelling--not expressiveness, not oddity, not novelty, not drama, and not sheer technical prowess. You should strive to find the stylistic method of grabbing the readers' attention and keeping it. As it stands, I can't imagine these visuals piquing anyone's interest.

Writing:There is little to go on here, but I have a few points.

As I mentioned above, the visuals are not pulling their weight when it comes to conveying character and narrative leads. The writing itself isn't doing much to help, either. Now, that said, I want to point out that the hook regarding Rul's paranoia is by far the strongest part of the story so far. It's amusing and it suggests some key parts of Rul's nature, namely his superstition and conspiratorial leanings. It may be an unfair comparison, because there is far more overt drama there than in the secretive student guests, but I maintain that it is far closer to the tension of the premise than the other plotlines. I want to know if the house is haunted or if Rul's imagining things--or maybe better yet, I want to keep guessing.

The students are just not interesting. They speak their minds at all times, and their constant commentary on what other people are doing or saying sucks the tension and weight out of every scene it happens. Sure, it's early, and they've only been around for a few updates, but time is precious in the comic world. Every page without a hook brings you closer to a reader bailing out. Without visual hooks, you're relying on the writing to keep the reader invested, and right now, the story isn't bringing me closer to the primary conflict.

It begs the question of what the purpose of the school hi-jinx are when the main plot hook--the possible supernatural nature of the house--is so strong. Once again, the strongest moments come when the nature of the house intersects with the nature of its residents. Kenan's question about why the house was so inexpensive was funny. His staid election as class representative pales in comparison. At least for me, it is a missed opportunity. This could be something you feel you should reflect on--weighing the worth of the house and the worth of the student drama. You know where my bias leans.

Summation:There isn't too much to go on, but there is enough to notice an unfortunate pattern of sterilized visuals and dialogue that so far have confounded the primary premise of comedic intrigue. The premise suggests depth, but that suggestion is all there is. Hints come from incessant character commentary and the meta-commentary of the creator, not from the comic itself. The problem is underscored by the conflicting plot lines of student slice of life and a mysterious house--the house trumps the students, but that makes the slice of life comedy frustrating to wade through.

Thank you so much for your review! I wouldn't be able to spot the things that you pointed out. Now, I have list which to improve and that helps a lot! I couldn't thank you enough for the time you spent to write this elaborate review!

As it turns out, I have had zero time to spend on this, as you have no doubt noticed. I have thrown myself at my own comic and several art events in the community, as well as working my day job. That said, I expect to finish my first ~80 page chapter by the end of June, whereupon I will be going on a summer hiatus. During that time, I will be able to fully commit to these once more.

I apologize for the delay without a word. I enjoy doing these, and I think they are valuable. Everyone will get the meat they deserve!

Apologies, again, for the long delay. I decided that I was not doing anyone any good by splitting my time up in so many different ways. I have now finished the first chapter of my own comic--100 pages--and I am on a three month hiatus, during which I intend to do more of these reviews. Starting with this one.

I can say now that your summaries are largely ineffective at giving any sort of preparation for what your comic is about. That is largely due to the lack of content so far. I don't know if I can truly answer your concerns about characters, motivations, or likability at this stage. I assume we have just met the main character. By the looks of things, progress has stalled on your comics for personal reasons, so we'll leave it at that.

Art:There is a dramatic gulf of quality that defines the comic art so far. Environments and character hair is rendered well enough, and they are often really great. Page 4 especially shines for its really effective backgrounds. I'm not sure exactly how it was done, but it looks damn good. Now and again, there is pixelation, however, which is yet another manifestation of this problem of disparity. Much of the comic is tremendously good looking, while eyesores are peppered throughout. The pixelated gate on Page 4, for example, breaks the chain of compelling setting pieces. The haunting church interior and religious symbolism of the prologue pages clash with the muddy, smudged characters themselves.

There is a definite and apparent attempt to strike an abstract, dreamlike appearance throughout the comic, but the shapelessness is ultimately damaging to the look. It is difficult to follow what is happening, especially in the most recent pages. After the woman enters the manor, my ability to follow the sequence slows down. This is where larger panels of establishing environment shots would be very useful. You begin to use them when she looks down the hallway, but other than that, there is virtually nothing else for a reader to use as a grounding panel. There are too many close ups and not enough wide shots.

The characters themselves are not yet up to snuff. Their faces look painted onto their spherical heads, their mouths are too large, and they lack expression. There only seems to be one or two facial expressions used, with minor alterations made along the way. They emote general unease more or less constantly, which makes it difficult to follow an emotional arc along with the events--the emotional arc of a character being one of the most important pieces of context to a story's events.

The problem of panels rears its ugly head again, here--all but two of the panels showing characters in the comic are close ups of the face or eye. That is a fundamental issue on its own, but it compounds the lack of expression. If most of the comic is looking at a somewhat shaken young girl, it isn't going to be very compelling. I would spend time practicing more dynamic panel compositions, but perhaps go even further and practice more full body anatomy. Once you're comfortable with the general shape of the full human form, you will have tremendous freedom to compose panels as you like.

Writing:

Given how early in the story this is, I don't have too much to say, here. As I mentioned earlier, your summaries do not give much insight into what to expect or look out for when it comes to reading. The events themselves are difficult to follow visually, making the writing component almost irrelevant. I don't even think I can assume who's name is who's from the summaries. I follow that a young ghostly, monstrous girl kills at least two nuns in a strange, cyber-punk like church; and I follow that another young woman arrives at the church or mansion to investigate. Beyond those story beats, I am lost.

The actual dialogue is unhelpful. The characters say very little of any substance. The blonde girl spends all of her screen time giving curt answers to the driver's questions and saying "Who's there?" The demonic child is absurdly cryptic--generally an unhelpful pattern to have so early in the story. There is dark, grim poetry of some sort in the prologue, but it is incredibly hard to read a lot of it due to the text color and lack of bubbles. It can be extremely effective to blend the dialogue with the visuals, but neither can support themselves, let alone the other.

Summation:I don't know if you're still working on this comic. Your account has been inactive for some time. That is your business, of course. While it is still very early in your comic, you have enough here to make it clear that you will benefit from a more deliberate, thoughtful approach. My guess is that your lack of technical skill--which is nothing to apologize for, ever--is leading you to take shortcuts and cut corners that you cannot get away with. It is a paradox that a lot of us fall into. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your mindset, the answer is time well spent practicing and polishing one's abilities. Creative ambition has to be married with creative industry.

I used to do them constantly, but my life schedule changed dramatically. I can't do them as quickly as before, but I do want to do them regularly. I'm going to finish reading Action Fruit Society today, throw up my review, and then go and do some reviews for a bunch of people I've scheduled in on another platform. THEN, I'll be back here to review more Tapas comics.

Your series is hugely different from most series out here for many reasons--the hand drawn bit is by no means the only reason. This was an intriguing read that took a lot longer than I anticipated. Several people have commented on your comic over the course of run regarding the surge of very specific nostalgia that saturates your comic--the feeling of being back in early grade school and doodling in your notebook. I did that a lot as a kid, and regardless of what your comic is beyond its medium, that made it uniquely compelling in a way I did not expect. We'll get into that later.

Art:I'm not sure how much there is to say here--it is hard to tell how much is intentional and how much is a matter of circumstance. On the one hand, the simplicity and, most of all, the impeccable consistency, augments the baked in nostalgia trip. Apple, Pear, Pineapple, and Orange are always on model and are archetypal in their simplicity. It is exactly what a third grader would doodle in his notebook; it is exactly the kind of thing I did. It is thematically perfect--and consistent.

The problem is not the crude nature of the drawings. The doodle nature fits the theme. The problem is the composition. It is a debilitating problem. The patchwork photo gallery look is not only an ugly distraction, it makes the comic really difficult to read at times. The "panels" are so clogged and jumbled together that the text bubbles need to be warped and squashed not for any artistic purpose, but because unfortunate circumstance demands it. The reliance on the natural lighting in any given photo creates another dimension of obstacles. All of it together makes the comic look not only unprofessional, but a chore to read.

I saw that you were experimenting with color in the banner. I actually don't think you need color at all. if you devote yourself fully to the notebook doodle aesthetic, you can achieve a unique, peerless style that makes a great foundation for all kinds of creativity--which, given the n umber of adventures the Action Fruits have been on, you have in spades. But you will need to apply a more disciplined approach to presentation. I won't presume to guess at what methods you have available to you, but it is well worth your time to devise a better way to frame and compose your panels. You need space for the text bubbles and you need the same level of consistency you have in design as you do in lighting and pencil pressure. Oftentimes, the linework is faint and grey--another dimension of difficulty in reading. Simplicity, cleanliness, consistency, and dedication to the notebook doodle adventure style will pay enormous dividends.

Writing:It's hard to judge the writing of a comic like this, which has such a boldly child-like imagination to it. It is, at times, perfect--the frankness, the directness, the innocence, and the complete lack of pretension or prognosticating is not only refreshing, it's downright compelling. That inherent nostalgia for the notebook doodle adventure is once again doing wonders and providing an intriguing frame of reference for the whole experience.

That said, I think you're in far too much of a rush with most of the plotlines. Each adventure has a decent amount of build up, but I found that the resolution often happened within 3 panels. That sort of lopsidedness makes for unsatisfying adventures. The longer multi-part adventures are far and way more satisfying, even if they often lack the creativity of the one-shots. The pacing is largely disturbed by the sheer power of the Action Fruits--these guys really kick butt. All the time. With tremendous efficiency and ease.

This is not only a pacing problem--although that is a big deal. This becomes a problem of emotional stakes. I expect the Action Fruits to pull victory from the jaws of defeat. It isn't that I expect them to lose. The issue is that they very rarely seem to be in any danger whatsoever. The tension built by the Toymaker's robots is dashed by how easily the Action Fruits destroy them. I want the Killer Agents to pull of some crazy antics, but they don't last three panels in the ring with Apple. This has become less of a problem in recent episodes--the Kraken, the Legendary Stone Goblin, and Toyota's duel with Man-Snake make for great fights generally speaking, but most of the others end pretty abruptly. Again, this problem is exacerbated by how much build up and context is provided in the beginning of each adventure. You should either redirect some of the build up time to the climax, or you should pack more action in the climax. As it stands now, there just isn't enough climax to justify such a long and meaty introduction.

Summation:This is an absolutely fascinating comic, ultimately, and I think you have one of the few unique creative foundations that I've seen. The notebook doodle adventure is nostalgic, exciting, and oozing imagination. But you are hamstrung by extremely poor presentation, unprofessional composition, and constant pacing issues. The creative power of the Action Fruit Society will be channeled much more effectively if it is put in a structured page/composition befitting its own child-like energy.

And with that, Season 3 comes to a close. I apologize once again for the multi-month gap. Life, as we all know, has a nasty habit of interfering with creative ambition. That said i will be back. I promised another comic community that I would give them meaty reviews, but I hope to return here in a month or two to review more of the many strange and wonderful comics the people of Tapas are making.

I don't know if you've been getting any reviews yourself, Gus, but since you've been doing the community a solid I wanted to return the favor! I went ahead and read through your comic last night.

I'm going to do the review in the same general format as the ones you give here, though I don't have your intentions. I hope you find it helpful!

The Concord Initiative

ArtI'll be blunt: Your style is excellent. It's the type of stylization I don't see often, but it has a real charm, flow, and graphic sense that is unique compared to a lot of what's out there. Your use of line and the flashes of color (an eventual transition to color?) to convey emotion are great, and I found myself engaged more with what you were saying with the art than the dialogue on the page. This was true even from page 1--which is saying something because you weren't as polished back then. It was a real treat to go and compare your first update with your most recent ones at the close of chapter 1, you've really solidified your style.

The design work is fresh. You nailed the time period you were going for and your characters are so expressive through their body language. There wasn't a time you skimped out on background detail when necessary, I always knew where I was and had an understanding of the space they were in.

Your paneling is really impressive and creative. There were a lot of pages that, as a creator myself, I felt compelled to stop and analyze because I had never seen it done that way before. I will probably look back on it for reference if I were to be completely honest! There were a few times where it was nontraditional to the point where I had to correct my reading habits in the moment to go in the correct panel order. Thankfully your lettering did a pretty good job of leading the eye where you wanted it to go rather than the pre-established route. There were a couple cases like the end of this update (last page) where I thought you were trying to lead my eye to the right with the word balloon, then back to the left, then right and down, but upon looking at it again it also works by going top left, down, then to the top right and down. So that's the only areas you have to be careful I think, make sure you're aware of your lettering choices with paneling like this.

With your art overall, the only thing I wasn't sure of was your choice of word bubbles and font. That is usually the place where you don't break out of the mold much because it's very easy to make it an illegible mess--but it's grown on me and I think it suits the style of the comic very well.

WritingThis is a writing style that, for better or worse, is made a little inaccessible because of how the language is stylized for the dialogue. I want to underline that this is not a bad thing, but it does take some patience and getting used to from a reader's perspective. It reminds me a lot of the webcomic Unsounded's dialogue--it's rich, unapologetically characterized to the culture of the characters, and has an overall "old timey" feel. Nothing is said plainly, and it does take some brain power and rereading to decipher it at times.

You ask a lot of patience from the reader upfront, relying on the visual intrigue of the dream sequence to get them to keep reading despite having no idea how it or the dialogue relates to this character. The only thing it establishes is the tone and that he is an authority figure of some kind that may not be living up to his position. Upon rereading it, I have the context now to understand it, but I will admit that my first reading was laced with confusion because I didn't know what I was getting into. I was mostly just trying to get through it so I could get to the next scene to understand what was happening.

It's pretty short (6 pages?) so I don't think it's a tall ask to want the reader to get through, and I wouldn't call it a problem. I mostly just wanted you to be aware of it because I wasn't sure if you had intended that effect.

The writing picks up here with no trouble. I found the way you introduced the characters was really engaging and the scenario was perfect for this. It was an excellent use of flashback--starting in the present and establishing their situation before flashing back to give us some insight into each prisoner was a great choice. You did a good job of establishing what kind of person each character is while still leaving bits of intrigue that make me want to find out more about them. One small complaint is that I still don't know who the main character is though, haha. It was set up to be the king, but it doesn't appear we'll be following him now.

Speaking of the king, I have no clue if he's just paranoid and delusional, or if he really is seeing the things that are freaking him out. If that's intentional, you're doing something right.

The last scene with the masked people again puts us somewhere with no context, and I still don't really get what they're talking about, but I think that's fine. I'm interested to learn more and it doesn't really put me off. (It seems we both have a masked Maestro in our comic though, hah!) I really like your designs here, too.

I only have one big gripe about the whole thing, and it is not a reflection on your technical skill. It's the distinct lack of females.

There has not been one female character on screen participating in the story, with or without dialogue. The most we get is an off screen gossiper. I realize that perhaps this is a time period where they may not hold high power within the social order, but it is odd to me to see them nowhere but a couple background instances. I feel you had several chances, even within your current cast, to make a few of them female since it revolves around criminals of the state.

It is not something that will make me stop reading, because I really do like the story overall, but it is a vast disappointment for me because it is yet another really interesting piece of media that did not seem to consider that half of its population exists. This is not meant to be an attack on your person, by any means--it's not as if you've been malicious or hurtful with portrayal of women--but I want you to be made aware that even the lack of something can have an impact on readers like me.

If this is something you care about changing, I would encourage you to be mindful of not only your upcoming cast, but your background characters in the future. Some people feel weird about this, but there is no shame in just switching an existing character's gender before they appear. It makes no difference aside from how they might be perceived by the world.

I apologize to leave this section on a sour note--while it is a real concern of mine, it by no means erases anything positive I've said in this review. I genuinely mean all of it.

SummationIt is a very enjoyable read that is solid on both the art and writing fronts. It takes a little bit of patience and immersion to get into it, but it is better for it. I would highly recommend it to anyone that likes a darker fantasy. I'm really interested to see where it goes from here!

I don’t get many reviews—I almost unwittingly discourage them in my offer statement because I don’t want to give the impression that this service is a transaction.That said, I absolutely adore reviews as much as anyone—particularly thorough and lengthy ones like yours.

It’s rare to get a review at all, and almost unheard of to get a review of your caliber. Thank you very much. It is exceedingly helpful. I’ll spare you the point by point address and focus on your most notable point.

I was wondering when this point would be made by someone, because it’s completely true: the Concord Initiative has very few prominent female characters—at the start. This is a story six years in the making, the result of collaboration with my best friends and our dungeons and dragons campaign that I ran. We’re all guys. We made make characters. For the purposes of the party members, I chose not to try and strike a balance. In fact, I have no intention of deviating from source material if it is not explicitly and exclusively because I think it should change. While that means that 60-75% of original events ARE in fact very different from the comic, gender is something that must remain consistent.

That said, there are three prominent female characters in this first arc—Frosty, a princess yet to be met, and an antagonist yet to be introduced.

Future arcs have more female characters. I won’t bore you with details, but they are prominent.

In short, I understand your disappointment in seeing what may appear to be a complete lack of female characters; and, although I can assure you that this is not ultimately the case, I have no plans to change those sorts of elements to the story.

I really appreciate hearing the context of why it happened, thanks for talking about it. It does ease my concern with it and I'm happy to hear there are prominent female characters coming later! I'll gladly keep reading to see where it goes.

I'm glad the review was useful for you! I hope you'll get more in the future, too.

I'm going to try and catch a spot on your next thread myself, crossing my fingers~