Maybe I'm overstating it a little but maybe not. I finished chapter 20's second revision and got into chapter 21. Chapter 21 is Jacob noticing and dealing with the change in behavior in Jael. She's more emotional and is spending more time with Balt. As an emotional arc, that's fine but it doesn't feel interesting. I need to keep the reader turning the pages. I need to have things happen. I need to stop using italics for emphasis. So, how do I fix it? A couple things come to mind. I can add some action or danger. They're off in the wild woods it wouldn't be hard to insert an action sequence with a magical or mundane beast. That feels kinda cheap. The unmotivated-car-chase-in-the-middle-of-the-movie kind of cheese. (I'm looking at you, Swordfish) I don't want the conflict to come from within the three characters. I've had Jacob physically challenge Balt, and lose. I've had him challenge him and win (off camera as it were) early in chapter 21. But maybe that's telling and now showing. I can add some wonder to the chapter, Jacob stumbling across something magical and wonderful, like with the Unicorn. I don't know what to do yet. More pondering is required. I hate to admit it, but I really want someone to look this over, tell me what needs fixing. That's a hard thing for someone as independent and opinionated as myself to admit. I wish I could just sit down and re-write this and re-write this and re-write it until it's perfect. But I'm stealing time from my other life as it is. I don't know where else to steal from. Maybe it's time to start skipping sleep.

Ahhh, finally. Got back into the Throne of Writing (tm) last night for some more read-aloud fun. I got almost to the end of Chapter 20. I paused before the end so I could mull over what was there. I moved the second 'bathing' tease from chapter 18 to chapter 20. With a little trimming and a little polishing it fits in oddly well and serves to heighten the internal tension Jael is feeling. In particular, she's feeling desire, much more intensely than she's used to. And not Oskmey desire either, earthy, human emotions. It causes her some stress, I'm glad (?) to say. The move works particularly well, possibly, because chapter 20 has a bathing scene as well. That's why I paused. The first bathing scene, chapters ago, is Jacob spying of Jael. The next, in chapter 20, is Jael spying on Balt. Then at the end of the chapter, Jacob and Jael end up...well, it's sounding a bit purient recounting it like this. In the context of the story, it works. I think. That's what I'm pausing about. One thing I liked about Chapter 20 is you get a feeling of Jael's stress level. This time, it's not from threats outside, its from her own emotions, unchained. Oskmey are all about control. Becoming more human, thanks to her bond to Jacob, means control does not come as easily. Honestly, I have mixed thoughts about how well I pulled that off this time. I hope it doesn't just come off as a big thunderhead of sexual tension. I guess I'll have to wait and see what readers think. It read pretty well, better than I feared but it's not quite right, yet. I'll look at the last few pages tonight and see how it transitions to chapter 20.

Another IM gaming night, so no real writing done. But there was an interesting twist that came out in the end. The details aren't important but the way I decided the character's action came down to a dice roll. On a high roll, I determined that the character would react positively to an event. On a low roll, they'd be very upset. As it happened, I rolled low and some shenanigans ensued. But that got me to thinking. There is a quote by Albert Einstein that gets parphrased: God does not throw dice with the universe. I think there's a good writing point there, as well. Part of the fun of gaming is the very unpredictability that comes from dice. Now I tend to put in a range of possible responses before I pick up the dice. In other words, all outcomes from the dice should be possible for that character to react. Dice rolls shouldn't cause someone to act out of character but it can cause them to hit the extremes of what they're capable of. Writing is just the opposite. There are surprises in writing, especially for discovery writers. Sometimes we find out how a character feels about something only when we get 'in character' and write it. (The subconscious is a wonderful thing. Mine happens to be smarter than I am.) Still, discovery writer or no, I need to know how a character will react to plot events. That's what makes it a story and not an exercise in improvisational theatre. A heroic character needs to act heroic. That needs to be who they are, their essence. A character needs to be 'Appropriate'. And dissonance, when a character reacts differently from their character, needs to be resolved. It should be a big deal in a story if a soldier is cowardly or a teacher is violent. Now you can change a character by invoking this dissonance and sustaining it. Sometimes that's the point of a story, particularly a short story. But for longer works it tends to make for a better plot, a more satisfying story if the character 'breaks character', suffers for it and comes back to who they are by the end. Redemption of who they are. Now all of this needs to be deliberate. That, I think, is the importance of outlining. I am so glad I did the 'snowflake method' for Angel Odyssey. I know what decisions have to be made to move the plot forward. The fun and unpredictable part is still there. They 'why' and 'what effect' questions I discovered when I wrote it. Sometimes things don't seem to fit and I have to adjust the character or the plot. But I at least know the story first. I don't roll dice for it.

Well, not a lot of Angel Odyssey work got done over the weekend but I did complete a short poem for a sort of literary baby shower for a woman in one of my critique groups. The poem may not be deathless art but it did get the desired 'Ohhhh' sound. Hopefully she liked it. I also got my first round of critiques back for the semi-problematic Chapter 5. I think everyone agrees that it's too long. (I think everyone agreed with that) Again, the problem is if I break the chapter in two, what do I do about the POV alternating 'Form' that I've established for the novel? There are also two descriptive passages in the chapter that need to be severely pruned. They add good detail but they slow down the pace of the story. A 'motivation' question came up as well, that I can fix easily enough and I'm glad someone noticed it. The typos, well, I'm embarrassed about them. I need to re-revise Chapter 2 and put it up for the online critique group's perusal. I WISH I had more time to write and read and critique. But...tonight is IM gaming night and I'm glad for it. After this weekend's hiking shenanigans, I need a night of just sitting in the Throne of Writing (tm)

Got a little farther into the next chapter's read-aloud pass. I'm pretty happy with it. Not a lot of changes to be made. I wonder what would happen if, as an experiment, I cut out all the problem chapters and just left the good ones. Would the story still work? Would readers get confused? What world building would get missed that I'd want to include. I'm really tempted to do this. The real question is, who could I find to read it and give me notes? I still don't have any novel readers, just chapter-by-chapter critiquers. Don't get my wrong, I need their input but for the most part, we're all writers in those groups and don't have a ton of time to just read and offer commentary. Maybe I could put up an add or something at the local Barnes and Noble's bulletin board. I miss reading for pleasure. I have such a deep list of books I dearly, dearly want to read and there's just no time. I used to read several books a week now, I'm lucky if I get 4 done in a month. More complaining? Very well, one more, then on to your real life: I need to get back into working out. Yoga, ideally, or at least weights and cardio. Well that's life, balancing priorities. I got a reader's critique off to them and a little story snippet for IM gaming on Monday, so last night was actually pretty productive. The sun is shining. It's Friday...life is pretty good. I just need to read and write more.

Chapter 19 is another problematic chapter. It's 'talky', this time about the gods and Jael's feeling about them. Of course her views are by extension the views of the people living there. Not to mention Jael has her own reason to hate gods after getting maimed by one. So that's important character stuff for Jael. I also go into her fluctuating emotions, being disturbed by feelings of attraction to Balt. This is all useful stuff but other than that, nothing happens. I need to think on this chapter more. I ended up writing a good bit, not just correcting spelling. The words just came spilling out of Jael, so I let them come. May have to let them settle and then come back and review them. I did my first big trim/move as well. At the end of chapter 19 is a big 'bathing' scene, this time with Jael teasing both Balt and Jacob. It felt out of place after Jael was spewing out her feelings about the gods Balt keeps swearing by. I moved the swimming scene to the beginning of chapter 21 but it may just be cut entirely. I'm not sure. To be honest, there are sections I just want to re-write entirely but for this pass, I was just trying to correct spelling and language. I desperately want to finish this second draft and begin the third, deeper revision. Maybe I should just note in the text what needs to change and move on. Learning by doing is a long, hard process.

Work is being a bit insane, so I haven't had time for an update earlier. Not a lot of writing done yesterday, due to IM gaming. Still, that was fun and relieved some work/writing stress. So that was good. Tonight I'm going to try to finish chapter 19th's read-through pass and, time permitting, I'll move on to working on a special writing gift for a person in my writing group. I'll post tomorrow with some good news, hopefully.

I wanted to put up Chapter 5 for people's review, so I ended up working on that instead of chapter 19's read-aloud pass. Ugh. Chapter 5 is big. 6k words, once I was more or less done with it. (I ended up adding words to get it to the 6k mark....AND I was trying to trim things!) It starts out slow but there were things I wanted to say about the Wellmans, to set up the conflict between the two families. I rewrote some passages and gave some dialog and action to Isaac. He'd been too silent in the early part of this chapter. That's not in character for him or Jacob. I also referened the limitations of the bond twice. I think this is the first place it's really appropriate to do so.... Well, maybe I could fit it in a little in chapter 4. It wouldn't fit in Chapter 2 or three too well as both characters are recovering from Jael's fall and the subsequent bonding. Anyway, the first half of the chapter is the problematic part. I think. I was pretty happy with the second half, when they get to the Grange, so I left it as-is. May have been a mistake. Maybe I should have plugged along and worked harder on the second half of the chapter. To tell the truth, I was kinda tired after working this weekend. We will see what people think about it.

Dinner and a terribly painful board game* means no writing got done last night. I didn't even get my critiques finished for tomorrow. So tonight is going to be divided between doing a read-aloud pass of Chapter 18 and reading and critiquing, oh five stories or so. No pressure. I finally subscribed to Publisher's Lunch. Dave Wolverton mentioned that in, like, March and it's only taken me months to get around to doing it. It's only $20 and this way I can find out more details about which agents represent whom. Not that Joel Shepherd or his agent was listed. Sigh. My Smooth Charles stuff apparently reads very similar to his Cassandra Kreshov books. I avoided reading too much of it for just that reason. I don't want to get cross-contamination. Which is kind of sad. I write the kind of stuff I like to read but I'm avoiding reading something I might like because it might be TOO much like what I write. Am I crazy? Don't answer that. Anyway, I see a few agents that work with Pyr. One even is looking to build her YA acquisitions. She might be a good fit for Angel Odyssey, she represents Jim Butcher's fantasy stuff as well. So she's obviously been to the rodeo once or twice already. I think chapter 1 is ready to be sent out to see if there's more interest. The problem is, I know the book isn't as good as I can make it. I'm only in my second draft of it and I expect to do at least 4 full drafts before I'm 'happy'**. I also have to write a synopsis to send with the first chapter. I haven't done that before. I assume I should just tell the full plot without teasing or ambiguity but I'm not sure. Might be a good post on the new writing board I'm on. Oy. Then there's work. After today's work stuff, I'll be glad to disappear into the Throne of Writing (tm) for a few, or a lot of, hours.

*seriously, this Chuthulu board game is very hard to win. That might be appropriate considering the source material but it's not fun. **There is always more work that I can do on a novel, always more polishing. Not to mention that once I think it's fine, that's the time when someone else comes in to point out all the stuff I didn't see. So...yeah, a lot more than 4 full drafts ahead of me, I'm sure.

Chapter 17 done, well first pass. Shortly after waking I realized I made a logic mistake on one of Jael's actions but I think I know how to fix it. Jael is constrained against harming residents of the lands under her protection. Balt does not qualify for those constraints so she should be free to threaten her. I'll make a note in the draft and re-write the affected sentences later. This was a longer chapters, over 5k words. It might be a little too long but there was some good stuff in it. Some good action,As usual, I don't know what to cut. Frankly when I do a revision pass looking for things to cut, for every sentence I do trim, I expand two more. It's usually better for the trimming revision pass...it's just not always shorter. I also messed up my numbering. I have two chapter 17s. So I'm over 38 chapters now, I'm pretty sure. (and I'm only at chapter 17 for this second revision pass. Oy.) I think I got across Jael's dislike of Balt...and her attraction to him. In chapter 18 I need to get those conflicting emotions into her head and let them bat her around a bit. It might also affect Jacob, due to the bond. I need to tread a fine line here. Jael is feeling a lot of emotions she's never felt before. She bonded Jacob to save her own life but it's changing it as well. She supposed to grow more and more emotional as the book goes on (but not emo, I hope). Some of this she should recognise as being as a result of the bond but the ultimate goal I have is for Jael to realize her feelings are hers. That she does in fact grow to love Jacob and not just feel a reflected infatuation coming from him. It's ambitious and I hope I pull it off. Dinner with the gimps tonight, so no Throne of Writing (tm) for me. Too bad, I'm getting back into the writing groove again. I also have other people's stuff to read and critique. Oh, and work. Sigh. I need a vacation just so I can work on all this stuff. And then probably a vacation from my vacation.