It's Work, Not Play: Acting Professional In An Office Of Beer Taps And Yoga Mats

The idea of an "office" has changed from a place of routine business, and antiquated social norms (think Mad Men) to a place of open floor plans, beer taps, and bouncy balls.

The office space itself has completely transformed - especially now in the land of startups as a contest of whose space can be "cooler," more wacky, invoking of childhood, or innovative. But with all the ping pong rooms and napping pods, yoga classes and flip-cup games, a few usual norms of professionalism seem to have gone out the window along with doors that close. Discussion topics that were once taboo - drinking, dating, and beyond - are the new office norm.

It's a struggle with the line between personal and professional, as work becomes play and vice-versa. If we can't figure out if we're on a date or networking, how are we supposed to figure out how to act at the office? Are the blurry lines damaging places of work?

Aside from a constant blur of etiquette and manners in a professional setting, expectations of office behavior and life are changing, too. Expectations surrounding what goes on in an office, the amount of fun swag and goodies, seems to be off. I interviewed a potential candidate who said he really wanted to work at a startup because it seems really "cool." I think we're forgetting that offices are really, truly, at the end of the day, places of work.

When job hunting, there is a new consideration - work also has to come with "cool" benefits, like waterslides, massages, free Clif Bars, and a gym. (That highlight was emphasized greatly as Lena Dunham's character on Girls loaded up in the snack room.)

Start-ups all want to be the purveyors of new ideas and creativity, but we might be missing a crucial element: this is an office. At the end of the day, you really ought to keep it professional. This is for many reasons: namely, legal issues, respect, work product, and more than anything, reputational confusion. I've worked at places that can't decide if they're a frathouse or an agency. And that confusion translates to everyone working for you.

Everyone who is lucky enough to enjoy his or her work is blessed. But truly, it's work. It's not play. And that might mean fewer bells and whistles.

I spoke with start-up founders about how they tow that line between personal and professional in the office, while still getting in ping pong. Many of the founders I spoke with agree that while free food and other goodies might be great, finding great talent and having culture emerge from that, is crucial. Aubrey Sabala, a marketing and communications expert who has a resume from Google to Facebook, knows that "culture comes from smart hiring. And smart people know to hire people smarter than themselves. Free lunch? That's a lovely bonus after you've done the work to a) afford it by b) growing and thriving and doing great work," she says. Not to mention, these things are rewards, not "an inherent right."

Sometimes startups are confusing a ping pong table with company culture. "Free beer is not culture," said Kathryn Minshew, co-founder of The Muse. "Company culture is the sense of shared values and norms that bind you together. There's nothing wrong in my opinion with some companies offering an array of perks, but perks do not equal culture. Also, some of the perks targeted at 20-something programmers may not scale as well as your company grows and looks to attract a wider array of talent." While you might consider adding these bits to a place of work, it might not translate as you grow. Same goes at iStrategyLabs, a place I've visited at every stage of growth. Sure, their old loft was full of toys and refrigerators full of Pinkberry, but a cool office can't replace a well crafted culture. Many CEO’s confuse the two," said Peter Corbett, ISL's founder and CEO. The company now has 38 employees.

The other reason why perks aren't the answer - money. Most of the start-ups are bootstrapped, and the fun add-ons come only after the company's necessary work happens. Melody McCloskey, founder of StyleSeat, hammers in this ethos. "I've been extremely frugal up until this point," she said> "My cofounder and I bootstrapped the business - we didn't pay ourselves for the first year and a half - that's kind of the DNA of where we started, every person. It's important to instill frugality in your early employees because they get scrappier, they get creative."

And that pressure to have a cool office or those expectations? Not worth it. "I just don't put up with it. I'm really honest," says McCloskey.

Build it first, and then the ping pong table will come.

Meredith Fineman is the founder of FinePoint. You can read more of her writing here and follow her on Twitter.

Women@Forbes Files is a place for guest writers to share their actionable advice with Forbes readers to help women move forward in their careers and lives.