Black Friday is Approaching, But You’re Not Going… Right?

Black Friday for many is a day that starts in the middle of the night if not earlier for many people. They use it to get jumbo TV sets, Christmas gifts, anything their little menthol heart could desire. There is just a couple things wrong with this day, and by a couple we mean the entire thing…

I was a person who didn’t even know what Black Friday was until about a decade ago. No I don’t live in rural Nebraska (do you have to say rural Nebraska? Isn’t it all rural?) I live in Orange County, a fairly big place. I just would use the day after Thanksgiving to digest and enjoy spending time with my family. Sounds much better to me than being a part of that scene in Jingle All The Way.

So let’s say you hate your family, you want to be out of the house in the freezing cold and gravy stained on your Hanes shirt. By all means, get in line and wait 4 hours to save 75$ on the shittiest 46 inch LED TV you’ve ever seen. Sure it’ll probably crap out at year one but it was only $175.00 and who cares, it’ll be just in time to get the 55 inch next year for the same price! Now I’m starting to sound like the sucker… right?

You also have to add the fatalities and fights that ensue each year. No, they don’t take place out front of every Toys R’ Us, just a handful of them. That just shows you the caliber of person who is shopping. I’d imagine you’re among accountants and CEO’s who are trying to save $5 off that new action figure. FYI, look out for that attorney’s left hook… it’s a doozy. By the way, Toys R’ Us opens at 5 PM on Thursday and will remain open for 30 hours. Evil much?

And yeah we noticed they are trying to stretch it out to a week of deals to lighten to load of nincompoops. But is that the right way to do it? To me that just sounds like they have more shit that ever to purge from their inventory.

This is our last point, thanks to a little thing called Amazon you can buy all this crap year round for about the same price and have it delivered to your door in two days for free most the time. You would think with how fat America is and how many calories it costs to get up off the sofa and drive that AstroVan to the Bass Pro Shop they’d realize the potential of the World Wide Web.

It’s starting to make sense, this is big government… maybe even Jay-Z with the illuminati. They are getting a head count on the people sledding, visiting with family, basically doing anything other than arguing with the woman wielding a stale cigarette threating to put it out on her over the last Turbo Man toy, they know the ones outside the shopping centers are the ones they don’t need to watch. There it is, that’s what this is all for.

So let’s wrap it up, stay home this Black Friday. You’re doing yourself a favor. And smart people who are already doing something with family, remember the roads are going to be awful. Not because of weather… well maybe pending where you live, but because a million shit box cars are heading to the shopping mall to save a couple nickels.