How to Get the Office Bully to Back Off

If you’ve spent enough time in the workplace, you’ve probably witnessed it or experienced it yourself: A co-worker who constantly picks on somebody, or a supervisor who always singles out the same person for criticism.

According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, 35% of the U.S. workforce report being bullied at work. Why does it happen in the first place? Results of the 2012 WBI online poll about bullying show that the number one reason why bullying exists is because bullies aren’t punished and they thrive in the environment; the second reason is that laws are absent or too weak to be useful.

“Quitting your job because of a workplace bully should never happen,” said Piera Palazzolo, Senior Vice President of Marketing at Dale Carnegie Training. So what is an employee to do when a co-worker, client, or boss is a bully? The first step is to take a step back. “Don’t react in the moment,” said Palazzolo.

Yes, it’s tough, but you need to “build a bubble around yourself” to protect your self-esteem and your work performance while you deal with this issue, said Robin Samora, an executive coach in Boston. She advises communicating by email, and making sure you have an email record to back you up, or a personal notebook listing the incidents and information.

BullyOnline.org notes that keeping a log may reveal patterns of behavior. It’s important to write down the details in case the situation escalates and you have to go to your human resources department or take legal action. Once you take a breather and have a few concrete examples documented, try speaking to the bully, who may not be aware of his or her behavior. But, rather than accusing, try making the discussion a constructive one, focused on how to make things better.

If a supervisor or co-worker mistreats you in front of others, try following up by email or face-to-face in private, and say clearly that what he or she said was problematic, said Palazzolo. If a co-worker is hassling you in private about a task that went wrong, own up to your mistake, she said, but if the bully keeps carrying on, tell him or her that focusing on blame is counterproductive. “Hopefully they will take the hint that their words are unprofessional,” she said.

Other situations can get a bit trickier. If the bully is a customer, you need to be careful what you say to them, but if it borders on harassment, Palazzolo said, then talk to your supervisor. If the bully is the business owner, it may not be possible to solve the issue, but it’s possible that the human resources department can address the bully while keeping the employee anonymous.

In the meantime, Samora advised staying focused and professional, and to consider looking for opportunities elsewhere, in case the situation can’t be fixed. But if you’ve followed these guidelines and you’re still waking up on Sundays with a stomachache, look for another job, she said. “You just have to realize you can only fix you,” said Samora. “You can’t change other people.”