Sometimes… I get lost in the tangle. I get lost in the confusion of space and time, which carries me through the quietude, an encompassing silence that shares its mass and weight with me until I am no longer discernible from the vastness I’m attempting to fill; not to substantiate it, but to mitigate my own burden, which is comprised entirely of gravity, evidence of the stillness that flourishes at the center of everything.

From the surface, the pattern may appear only to perpetuate the repetitions. But the extremes of that structure have become so abundant and so intricately woven that the accumulation now seems like ornament, from a distance, like a dense cluster of meticulously carved impressions that were purposefully arranged within the enormity, which has no rhyme or reason on its own or within the immediate. Though, we may find ourselves at any time within that same instance.

Like this:

In striving, I am not always present in the moment, but instead stand divided, anchoring my position with stillness and a steadiness of heart, though I may feel like the remnant of accumulated yesterdays that is forever indebted to tomorrow. Yet, as the scattered milestones along my timeline begin to overlap (as if space-time were bending), I press onward toward my own equanimity where, among the ruins of deserted, half-conceived dreams and the wreckage of forced attempts, I am beginning to comprehend the meaning of a LimitlessSelf that is capable of transcending not only what is seen, but also, the boundaries of all that can be perceived by any faculty of the senses.

In striving, I seek. But I do not hunger for stature or possession, though the world may measure my accomplishments in such ways and accord those honors as wages paid. I will graciously accept such concessions as well, as recompense for having traversed the wilderness of this lifetime. But I long to behold something much greater than any convention can furnish; a Self that is seamless, in body, mind and spirit… within time, and without it. I want to belong to every moment, simultaneously, and to occupy a consciousness that requires neither Will, nor Reason to be; for I simply am… Sentient, and Ephemeral.

Life is a deliberate and personal encounter, a choice I make every day, to remain vulnerable to every nuance of feeling like an exposed nerve that amplifies the slightest touch. I want to always know what it means to Love and to experience heartache, to endure and to persevere. I have walked the edge of a knife for so long that the knife’s edge has become my bed, but not because I am unafraid, but because I hope to transcend even myself, to know with absolute certainty that the knife never existed, but instead has been my own incongruity.