Monday, April 20, 2009

Update - Amanda

So an update is in need - and a place for me to vent. So the half marathon was a success! I finished the 13.1 miles in 2 hours 36 minutes and 36 seconds. I ran it at an 11:58 min/mile. So not pro status, but I was very satsified with this accomplishment. I also managed to run the entire thing (other than walking through the water breaks so that I didn't break my arm trying to get the cup.) I did stop to walk around mile 10 but that made me legs feel so heavy that I started running again and didn't stop until the finish line. So this is a huge accomplishment for me. I'm already thinking about running another one before the year end.

But now for the angry part. I have not lost any weight in the past three weeks. In fact I have gained a few pounds. I am feeling completely hopeless and frustrated. I know that people are going to tell me that I'm doing great and I've come so far, and I know this, but I feel like I'm stuck in this hole that I can't get out of it. I managed to do so well thus far and then BAM! A wall that I can't seem to break, climb over, dig under - nada! I feel absolutely disgusted when I look in the mirror and the way I feel about myself. I've tried rearranging my thoughts - knowing that negative thoughts only fuel negative behavior, but it's not working. I have gotten so tired of counting every point that it's making me angry (and the fact that I had to cancel my account at the end of this month because of money issues doesn't help.) I feel more confident in knowing what I should and shouldn't be eating, and I know that I need to get back on track - but that's part of the problem. I'm not divulging in crap, but I can't seem to get it all back on track. I work out like crazy, and won't lose a pound, and I'm so frustrated! I can't even think straight or arrange my thoughts because of the disgust I feel about the whole situation! BLAH! (I am done venting now as I have nothing else to say.)

2 comments:

I know how you feel, I haven't lost anymore in awhile either. I think I know why I haven't lost though...my eating is way out of whack. I have got to get back on track too. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it is amazing what you've done! I can barely jog for 3 minutes, much less run any kind of marathon. Have you measured lately, maybe you are still losing inches even if your not losing weight. Don't get too discouraged, it will get better!

You HAVE done so great so far, and your half-marathon is a huge accomplishment! I am proud of you!

On the other hand, I completely understand how you are feeling. I've been in the same boat you are, but a little different...I seem to be on a see-saw (or yo-yo)...I lose one week, gain the next, lose one week, gain the next. It is BEYOND frustrating. Yesterday I weighed in and gained a pound after meticulously counting every POINT, going to the gym, working my ass off, and then to have GAINED...I was beyond pissed. The past two months have been a little nuts for me, and I've been having trouble just sticking to a regular routine as well, which is (I guess) the root of my troubles. I just don't know.

I'm going on a cruise, leaving today, and am already disappointed because I know that coming back next week and weighing in that I will probably have gained...AGAIN.

I hope to get back to a routine once I return on Sunday and just kick up the intensity of my workouts and just keep on going. There's not much else I can do but to keep trying and hope that things will turn around. I'll keep you guys in my thoughts too, and we will try to get over this crap and make it to our goals!