Friday, 1 June 2012

Scalp bristles scraping across the pillowcase . . .

Perfect Retirement Housing Complex

Inner Hamlet

CORSETTSHIRE QY4 2PN

My Dear Ralph

I haven't had a very good night pet. What with one's scalp bristles scraping across the pillow case and the frequent need to make sure that the Banger 0.9L hadn't been pinched from the car park, I got barely a wink of sleep. Finally, at 3am, I decided to phone the Samaritans. The lady who answered seemed very nice but, what I couldn't understand dear, was that she wanted me to do all the talking! This is not very helpful when what one needs is anecdotes from somebody else's personal repertoire to take one's mind off the situation. I think it was just after we had established that I wasn't about to suspend myself from the curtain rail with my dressing gown cord, that I decided that it was the lady's turn to talk. Well pet, we sat there and sat there - breathing - for about 15 minutes before she finally said, 'Are you still there?' I replied in the affirmative and then we returned to breathing. It was really quite lucky dear that she decided upon a more human approach - which is to speak - otherwise we could both have been sat there until dawn's early light! Actually, once we broke through the ice, we were soon chattering on subjects of mutual interest. Did you know that the bedding Begonia has quite a high tolerance for heavy shade pet?﻿Meanwhile, I have had a further communique from William of Raptor-on-the-Lake. He has suggested that we meet up in Bright Litton one evening to 'see a movie and have a meal.' Oh dear. I don't know whether I am becoming over-ruralized pet, but I would really prefer to spend the day wandering around a local tree nursery. I was also rather stung by his reaction to my remark that I would be coming to Bright Litton on the bus. 'What?' he said, 'But we both have cars; surely we can find a spot.' I felt somewhat dejected upon receipt of this remark because, although I didn't like to say so, I have never driven into Bright Litton and prefer to do my 'park and ride' from ten or so miles outside the city! Now what pet? There is also the further problem of my ongoing cash flow problem and I think I may well have to break into my piggy bank and stagger along laden with one or two tons of small change in my pockets.Romance is never easy dear. Take it from one who knows!YoursAunt Agatha

About Me

This is a humour genre blog! 'The Pom-Pom letters: Memoirs from Alternative Accommodation.
The letters are written in the persona of Aunt Agatha - a retired MI6 operative - who is resident in a block of 56 flats for the elderly in a rural area of the UK. The year is 1996. The flats are staffed by a resident manager and his deputy. Aunt Agatha is close friends with another resident - Pom-Pom - and is carrying on a correspondence with her nephew Ralph, who is a member of a 'far left' political group and addicted to prescription medication.
Agatha's letters to Ralph form a commentary on events occurring inside the Perfect Retirement Housing Complex and, later upon her 'escape' - they describe her life from the relative safety of Forsythia Grove.