We were about to take off then security made everyone deplane because they found a big knife on board the plane. Scary that it got on plane.

However, TMZ reports the “knife” in question was nothing more than a box-cutter belonging to the airline, which is exactly the excuse I would use. Well played. That being said, how hard can it be to kill a celebrity these days? I mean, c’mon, Mark David Chapman killed John Lennon before there was even an Internet. Now? You don’t even have to do guesswork. “Oh, look, Paris tweeted she’s at Pinkberry. I guess I’ll shoot her in the face there.” It’s literally that simple and will make the voices stop. I’d never lie to a crazy person.