This was a fun story! I liked your take on Adrian Pucey. The whole "obsession with muggle" things was a really cool idea. I have to say, I do not much like your portrayal of the entire Slytherin house over all, but nevertheless Malfoy's character was spot on.
Your plot was good, and it flowed well. The scene setting and the narrative worked well too. I didn't spot any grammar errors either. The ending was a little abrupt, but still wrapped up the story effectively. All in all, this made a nice read!

9/10

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)
~Recenseo~

Author's Response: Thank you! I don't usually like portraying Slytherins as evil thugs, but I had to create a contrast between the Slytherins and Pucey. But I'm glad you liked his obsession with Muggle things.

I agree, the ending was abrupt, but I didn't want to unnecessarily drag it on. Thank you for the great review!

I really liked the idea of a slytherin being a secret muggle collection lover and wanting to hide his collection from the outside slytherins for the fear of being outcast from them all . Pokemon especially is fabulous because I don't think a person alive can resist the allure from them!

I also like the idea of Harry and Hermione covering up from him is also very interesting because now he is sort of indebted to them and that is a good thing to have particlarly because of the upcoming war. I also like how Hermione still offers him help even after he's refused him once.

What I really really want to know though is how Malfoy found out about them though as thats what changed the whole course of what happened next!

The ending was awesome too because it just rounded it all off and showed us that he stuck to his promise to help the trio out! Well done

Author's Response: Thank you for the great review!

I really wanted Pokemon to just be a substitute for Muffle appreciation and I'm glad you liked Pucey's amusing storyline. I also wanted to somehow includensome canon stuff and found a way to do that with Hermione.

I didn't want an explanation of how Malfoy found his stash to take up too much room, hence the the exclusion.

I don't think that this too weird at all! I think that you did a very good job with it all; it was brilliant! Seriously, I read the challenge rules and I know that you did follow the challenge quite brilliantly! Best of Luck with it! =)

Pokemon! Hehe, Pokemon just brings back my childhood memories. I think that I really liked reading this particularly because it was about Pokemon. =P The way you made jokes about the Pokemon and the way you mentioned the names of some of them, it seemed like everyone in the world knows about Pokemon. =P You wrote it in such a way that it seemed very familiar even to me.

The way you've executed it all is great. I think that you did a good job with Adrian Pucey's character. It was interesting to see a Slytherin have a nerdy obsession and then be ashamed of it. You described his obsession very well and in a way I could definitely understand where it was all coming from. I mean, even I have an obsession of my own. I'm not embarrassed of it but then again, I'm not a witch either. =P

Minor thing but I just think I could see Harry, Hermione and Ron asking for help from a Slytherin. It wasn't a bad thing in the story but at the same time, the way it was phrased? That made it seem sort of out of character for them. You don't have to change it though; as I said, it's only a minor thing. =)

I really liked the way this story flowed. It narrated Pucey's entire story, morphing from one stage of life to another and then finally the end. The entire flow, the transitions between the scenes, they were all very well done! So good job with that too. I especially loved the ending where you showed him a sort of a war hero who saved many lives. That was a very good thing. =)

I think I'm done with my review. I hope you liked it; feel free to PM me with any queries you might have. =) Until next time, Good Luck and Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I hope your hand is getting better!

Yeah, I've heard some confusion on why Harry and co. would help him, but I did want to introduce them somehow to get to Adrian's hero aspect.

I worked hard on getting Adrian's character to make him seem Slytherin, but still be able to pull off his love for Muggle things and Pokmon.

Hey there, apologies this took so long, but I've had University work to catch up on, sorry.

I definitely don't think this idea is too out there. I think it is brilliant! I'm a huge pokemon geek myself, and I like that the wizarding world was exposed to it a little, even if it was only a few people who knew what pokemon was.

The chapter flowed very nicely and was very easy to read. I liked your characterizations too. I think that Pucey was a great character, though I would like to have known more about him, or delved deeper into his character.

I don't think you should have ended it in the way that you did. I don't think your ending was bad at all, but I think you could have easily made a sequel to this. =]

I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors either.

I think the plot was truly brilliant. I don't think it was too out there, and I think you've made it work perfectly. It does not seem too far fetched, nor is it impossible that a Slytherin should become obsessed with something that they had never been exposed to before. It was great! Such an uplifting enjoyable read. =]

Author's Response: No problem! Thanks for getting to it and taking the time to review it.

I avoided giving too much character to Pucey in the beginning because I wanted to transplant the reader into his shoes, but as I wrote, he grew more into his character. In retrospect, a couple of blurbs about his familial life explaining his motivations behind liking Muggle things would have been beneficial.

While I did technically 'end' his timeline, I'm writing another story that is sort of a direct sequel to this. I like tying different challenges together.

Ah geeky loves!^^ This made me laugh... and feel pretty uncomfortable as I'm a an innocent pudic little girl lol :P Okay not that bad. Just a little awkward. ;)

I loved that a Slytherin would be obssesed with Pokemon!! :D Only one thing though: Charmander is way cooler than Squirtle!! :P (Or more appropriately, way hotter^^)

I thought it was a little weird that The Golden TRio just sort of popped out of nowhere, but it was interesting and hilarious. Haha! Who knew Hermione had Pokemon knowledge?? Then again, is there anything on which Hermione doesn't have knowledge??

This was fun. ^^

xx

-June

Author's Response: Thanks for the tag!

I'm glad you got all the other references. The challenge was only for Pokemon, but I thought I'd throw in some other nerd references as well so Pucey can be better known.

I almost gave him Charmander, but I think most people chose Charmander and I thought I'd give Squirtle a litle love this time.

Oh wow, this was just so hilarious! As a Pokemon fan myself, this story made perfect sense to me. Although, I don't think there were any Pokemon games in the 1990's but who cares, this was just so entertaining!!

I would be quite shocked if this wasn't written for a challenge. (A nerd challenge, I should add!) I don't think anyone would write such a ridiculous on their own accord! I did not notice any spelling, grammar, or punctuation mistakes, which is wonderful. It was easy to follow and understand. (Though if I wasn't a Pokemon fan, I would be quite confused. :p)

I really enjoyed reading this! :D

~Rosie

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing Rosie!

I looked it up and the original Pokemon was released in Japan in 1997 so I had to stretch the timeline just a bit for that. I'm glad you enjoyed it as a Pokemon fan as I wrote it for the people who would get all the jokes.

Being totally unfamiliar with Pokemon, I'm afraid those references were lost on me, but I can see Adrian's need to keep it secret. Malfoy gave him the perfect reason to accept the Trio's offer. Hermione collected another admirer, of course. I thought that Malfoy accepted Hermione interfering, with her explanation of the cards, a little too easily.

A well written piece, but you did do one thing that burns me up, take a look at these:

Part of the reason I loved the Muggle arts so much was there creative imaginations.
Part of the reason I loved the Muggle arts so much was their creative imaginations.

Which one is correct? You also used 'it's' instead of 'its' in a couple of places.

An enjoyable story, although perhaps after the beating by Malfoy and his mates, a little predictable.

Please PM me with a review of my review.

Author's Response: Aww, I'm sorry I made you review a story where the references were lost! It was really written for all the Pokemon nerds, so it's not nearly as funny if you didn't know any of these things.

The second one is correct (though I'm not sure if it is was or were). There/their issues are usually typos I don't catch. I definitely do have a problem with 'its' and it's though. Thanks for catching those.

First off, sorry for taking so long; work and school have taken over my life at the moment :/

Anyway, I found this hilarious! I too entered The Nerd Challenge and also had a Slytherin so my mind was open when I began to read this :P I was quite worried when I started reading this that I wouldn't know the fandom you were writing about but when you first mentioned 'pokemon' I knew immediately. I mean, what kid born in the 90s doesn't know about Pokemon? It's like not knowing about Clifford The Big Red Dog or the ORIGINAL Bananas in Pajamas.

I enjoyed this story. It was fun to read but just one thing that bothered me a little. Why would Hermione, Ron and Harry go out of their way to help a Slytherin. I mean, it's a well-known fact that Harry has a hatred to almost every Slytherin that ever was. That was the only thing though.

Did I think this story was ridiculous even for this challenge? No, i mean you have kind of have to be ridiculous because it's the challenge it is :P The worlds best challenge ever!

Sorry for taking so long again!
Jas

Author's Response: No problem! Thanks for getting to my story.

I'm glad you found it hilarious. That was my main objective writing this story and it's pretty dedicated to all the nerds who liked Pokemon.

I'd like to think that if Hermione saw a Slytherin that had a bunch of Muggle things, she would try and help them out because then she knew they weren't blood bigoted. She's always been the one that saw the best in people, after all.

Ahhh, first can I say that I'm so glad I got to read this! This was absolutely hilarious and I enjoyed reading every minute of it.

First off - just a few nitpicky things (most of them are just me really so feel free to leave them)

"it was my [favorite] book" -- we Brits add in the extra 'o' in favourite.

"some [drunk] fraternity boy" -- I'd put drunken here. This is because an adjective like 'drunk' would come after the noun unless you change it to 'drunken'.
"bright [color] of the object" -- Britpicking, colour.

"Malfoy half-asked[,] half-ordered" -- I'd take away the comma seeing as it feels like with the comma the sentence is incomplete, or leave the comma and add 'him' at the end.

""The [far] East like China..." -- capitalise the F.
""What's that?" I [preemptively] asked" -- dash inbetween so its pre-emptively.
"tact rearing [it's] head." -- should be 'its' seeing as it belongs to the head rather than saying "tact rearing it is head".

Obviously there's a few more Britpicking bits and an added comma or two, but I didn't find anything else!

Right.

I particularly liked the choice of Pucey seeing as we don't know much about him at all and what we do know is that he played Quidditch and that he was actually an alright player, so I'm glad that you chose a minor character and expanded on him the way you have!

I liked the internal thoughts in italics - the thoughts that are begging to be heard, but quickly stifled by Pucey's shady Sytherin-ness.

The encounters between Adrian and the lengths he needs to go in order to continue with his Muggle obsession is hilarious and I think you've done really well with this - keeping it well written with a decent amount of dialogue and the monologues just as entertaining. You also chose a rather inventive way of getting round the no Muggle objects in Hogwarts, kudos to you!

I feel that all the canon characters were brilliantly portrayed and I don't feel like they were OOC at all - I was very much at ease reading them and the idea of Adrian being an especially integral part of the rebllion is exceptionally plausible (I've always felt that JK didn't give enough credit to the Slytherins in this case).

I think it was a bit of a must for Malfoy to find out and beat up Adrian, because then there wouldn't have been any motivation for Adrian to change otherwise, and it was a very important moment for him - something that changed him and changed his life.

The only thing I would have to say is that the pun Hermione made whilst especially hilarious in its double meaning is a little bit OOC but I think that's something to let slide seeing as its a perfect last sentence.

The bits of information at the end, I think, were especially important to write and it puts a nice smile on your face - a good Slytherin for once.

I enjoyed this very much (if you couldn't tell...) and do feel free to request a review from me again!

Cirque.

Author's Response: Thanks for catching all the British-isms. I admit to getting a bit lazy on them, but I'll definitely use this review has a reference ;).

I'm glad you enjoyed the characters! I knew from the beginning that Pokemon would be a really out there tie-in, but I wanted to work it within the Hogwarts plot as much as I could. I had to make Malfoy a little more malevolent in the end and give Hermione a really cheesy line, but I couldn't resist when the opportunity presented itself.

Thanks again for your review and I'll definitely re-request in the future.

Ah yes, rampantly anti-homosexual. I suppose that's why you wear the tight pants and all the product in your hair, right Malfoy?

That was the best line in this whole story, very nice KwanLi, although I do have a question, considering Aiden was a seventh year, why was he being bullied by Draco, who at the time was barely a second year?

However I have to say, great job on your entry!

Author's Response: Thanks for already getting to my entry!

I thought it was the Adrian Pucey who was no more than two years above Harry and Draco's year? That was the only Pucey I could find in the HP lexicon. I just assumed he was a year above the Hogwarts group.

OMG! Pokemon!! That was totally unexpected! I chortled when I read the word Pokemon being mentioned the first time. I really thought it would be something else! :D :D
You've written a very good and entertaining story here. It was hilarious to see a Slytherin with a severe pokemon fever :D :D And I really like how you describe his addiction. Being a pokemon mania myself, I noticed that you inserted quite a few pokemon-ized jokes/sarcasms: like rare candy for magikarp :D:D I think they were all hilarious and well placed.
And... I know it's not a suspense genre, but when Malfoy almost found out what Adrian was doing in his bed.. I think that was quite intense and thrilling. I was filled with anticipation: Oww. would he find out? would he not?... it was well done.
I also kinda like the ending you gave for Adrian. His nerdy-ness led him into being a hero... and to a successful life.
There are a few typos and missing words, so you might want to do a re-check. But there were very few of them.
Overall I really really like this story. I hope you do well in the competition :D

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!

I'm glad you liked all the Pokemon references. I haven't really kept up with it, but it took up a lot of my time back in the day so I threw in whatever reference I could. The rare candy one was a favorite of mines.

It was mostly written as humor, but as I wrote it, it started veering off into this Pucey hero fic, so I just went with it. Thanks for the heads up on the typos and misspells! Went back and edited them right away.