How To Turn Old Trousers Into Gold

If you haven’t heard about the man with the missing pants yet, you must have been living under a rock; it’s been all over the television for days.

But for all those rock-dwellers, otherwise known as people with actual lives (psshhh whatever), here’s the quick overview.

Man, Judge Roy L. Pearson to be exact, (doesn’t it sound like a soap opera name?) gives pair of pants to his local dry cleaners, owned by the kind Chung family. (Can you tell I’ve already picked my side?) Anyway, Pearson doesn’t get his pants back, sues family for $54 million. That about sums it up.

Now, I don’t even know where to begin trying to pick apart this mess. For one, the man is a judge, you think he of all people would be against manipulating the American legal system, right? Well, not so much.

Pearson claims that because he no longer wants to use his neighborhood dry cleaner he’s going to need $15,000 every weekend for 10 years to rent a car and go to a further cleaner. He also threw in $2.5 million to cover the emotional stress he had to endure over those poor, poor pants.

This one time, in sixth grade my mom accidentally shrunk my favorite pair of stone-washed Limited Too jeans in the dryer and I cried for a week, so I totally know where he’s coming from. (WHAT?)

The kicker? The Chungs FOUND the pants! About a week after the missing trousers saga began, the family discovered pants that match Pearson’s inseam measurements. The ticket on the pants even matches the receipt. Surprisingly (or not?), Pearson claims they’re not his pants.

After seven years in America, the Chungs are now considering moving back to their old home in Seoul, South Korea, having already spent thousands of dollars defending themselves in court. So much for the American dream, eh?

I’m sure many of you are wondering, how this case is even being taken seriously in U.S. court? Then again, everyday I wonder (and I know I’m not alone) how our president is being taken seriously in office. Oh, how I wish I had an answer…to either.