I’m So Post Modern Lyric Writing Masterclass Page 2

Aloha Pooglets!

Welcome to the I’m So Post Modern lyric writing master class. Firstly, I will conduct a short lecture on the comedic paradigms within the song. Then, I encourage you to have a go at your own lyrics. Feel free to comment on others as well. Keep it constructive and nice.

Okay.

Let’s begin.

I’m So Post Modern contains four different kinds of line, these are identified as:

Standardina: e.g. “I’m so post modern I just don’t talk anymore, I wear different coloured t-shirts, according to my mood.’

The ‘Standardina’ is the most common style of line found in the song. It’s main attribute is the ‘trihumorous’ structure, being, that (after the ‘I’m So Post Modern’ intro) it sticks to a rhythm of three. It is a common belief in comedy circles, that a joke is best serviced when it’s repetition amounts to three. This also serves the rhythm of the song, which is divided into three chords played evenly, followed by two short bursts on a fourth chord, acting as a punctuation.

To use another example. This would be a bad example of a ‘Standardina’

“I’m so post modern I bought a sky writing bi-plane and crashed accidentally.”

If you think about the rhythm of the song, you’ll realise that this line is ‘duohumorous’ and contains only two comedic rhythms. It also lacks a classic ‘punchline.’ As well as obeying the comedic rhythm structures, ‘trihumorous’ lines also make it much easier to execute the classic ‘set-up, twist, and punch-line thematics that are at the heart of most humorous material.

E.g. “I’m so post modern I bought a sky writing bi-plane and crashed accidentally, while writing my suicide note.”

This is once again a ‘trihumorous standardina.’ and allows for the set-up of a common entity ie ‘sky writing bi-plane’ a dramatic twist, ie ‘crashed accidentally and punchline ‘while writing my suicide note.’

The next style of line is ‘Bookendian.’ These are usually quite uncommon, and only one occurs in the original song.

E.g. ‘I’m so post modern I wrote a letter to the council…I think it was M.’

‘Bookendian’ lines differ from Standardina’s in that they are ‘duohumorous,’ and only contain a basic set-up and punchline, but no twist. In this case, the punchline must act as the twist as well. The middle section makes use of the comedic tool of ‘pause’ to accentuate the effect of the punchline.

E.g. ‘I’m so post modern I’ve got the weirdest of headaches…it’s in my foot.’

The next example is ‘Multivex’ lines. These lines are ‘Standardina’ in structure, but manage to fit in multiple comedic juxtapositions within each subsection. Only one ‘Multivex’ line occurs in the original.

E.g. ‘I’m so post modern I give live mice to buskers, dirty tea towels to the mormons and pavlova to crabs.’

‘Multivex’ lines allows each subsection to exist as its own little joke within the line by putting two entities together that don’t normally go together.

E.g. I’m so post modern that I laminate pancakes, stir-fry ice vovos and spread cruskit propaganda.

The final example is ‘Super-syntax’ lines. These are also ‘Standardina’ in structure, but are different in that they require the performer to say a number of words very quickly to try and fit the line into the timing of the song. The best example of a ‘Super-syntax’ in the original is:

E.g. ‘I’m so post modern that I brought every book written in 1963 as a reading challenge and clogged up a waterslide.’

If said at the normal speeds of the song, the singer would not quite get the entire line out. In the end, the action of saying the words quickly utilises the comedic tool of exaggeration and absurdity.

So, now a quick snap shot at the four styles of I’m So Post Modern lines we have just learned:

STANDARDINA – The most common form of line in the song, obeying the ‘trihumorous’ structure.
BOOKENDIAN – The ‘duohumorous’ line with a pause in the middle.
MULTIVEX – A ‘Standardina’ line that juxtaposes two entities within each section.
SUPER-SYNTAX – A ‘Standardina’ which requires you to say the words quickly to fit them in.

That’s structure, let’s have a quick look at theme:

The most common pitfall when writing lyrics is to assume that you can take any three random things, put them together, and expect it to be funny. This is not always the case.

e.g. I’m so post modern that I ran for parliament, promising tax cuts for zebras and then it rained beer.

There’s no real connection between the three elements. Look for unexpected twists, and exaggeration.

e.g. I’m so post modern I’ve got a tattoo of my pin number

This is already and unusual and engaging idea.

In hieroglyphics

This takes it one step further

On my neighbours guide dog.

This takes it to its limit and provides a twist and punch line. It also helps that it is a joke you can actually visualise easily.

Here’s a couple of examples of some of the best recent entries from participants:

Alex C – ” I’m so post modern that I killed both of my parents, then threw myself on the mercy of the court, for being an orphan!”
Phil – “I’m so post-modern, it’s the year 3000, i am an apricot, and i know karate.”
Lexxie – “I’m so postmodern that I throw mars bars at martians, mini bars at minis and monkey bars at monkeys.”
Jeremy – “I’m so post modern that I outsource everything, my food and clothes, my government, my outsourcing.”

I’m so postmodern that I’m on a quest to find myself. I think I’ll start with Google after checking the fridge.
I’m so postmodern I built a house out of post-it notes, on which I translated The Tempest – into 1337.
I’m so postmodern I hail alien spacecraft, give them directions to Melbourne scribed in sepia crayola on the wings of paper cranes.
I’m so postmodern I orchestrate bank heists, while breeding cat-eating sea cucumbers, in a tent on my lawn.
I’m so postmodern I held a party in my dictionary but we ran out of food – spose I shouldn’t have chosen ‘X’.
I’m so postmodern I re-arranged some wheelie bins into an approximation of stonehenge then fled uni security at an easy walk.
I’m so postmodern I fold paper cranes from bus tickets, make sculptures of maltesers then give them to strangers.

Um … those seemed to flow better when I started talking about things I’ve actually done.

BECAUSE I HATE PEOPLE WHO CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT MAKES ME GO CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROAR!!!!!!!!! AARRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(this is the part where I tear up 16 telephone directories in one go while ironing my rice and cooking my optical mouse) RRAAAARRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im so postmodern that i ate a sea cucumber whilst snorkeling in my bathtub filled with creamy soda
im so postmodern that i paint little pigs onto chicken eggs, whilst playing cher’s ‘if i could turn back time’
im so postmodern that i cut watermelon using an angle grinder before throwing it at my foot

Well, I’m new to Bedroom Philosophy. Here are my first drafts of my first efforts. Maybe they’re a bit too straight.
I’m so post modern I wear icicle underpants, in my neighbours’ swimming pool. I think they’re French.
I’m so post modern I hijack unicycles, cover them in icing sugar and send them to the queen.
I’m so post modern I yodel in elevators, then question people’s ethics if they yawn or cough.
I’m so post modern I go on dates to funerals, wearing a clown suit, and throw smarties at the priest.
I’m so post modern I copyrighted my name. When someone introduces me I give them an invoice.

We are year 12 students with only 5 weeks left of school, as a last task we are making T-shirts with our Post-Modern Slogan heres what we’ve come up with so far.

I’m so post modern that i talk to whales, but i cant speak whale, underwater.
I’m so postmodern that i dont like colours and my favourite colours pink.
I’m so post modern that when i look in a mirror Big W looks like a supermarket, when tossed in my coffee.

im so post modern my best friend is charlie the unicorn, and i dont believe in unicorns what sort of person would i be?
im so post modern that thinking sbout it just makes my stomach twirl, i want to be a gymnast.
im so post modern that when i speak about leprechauns i end up speaking another language.
im so post modern that i like to talk to whales, about the effects of the ozone layer, but i cant speak whale underwater.

I’m so postmodern that my egg salad sandwich woke me up one morning, while i was in the shower.
im so post modern i bought an elephant instead of a budgerega, my backyards too small and he got lost.
im so post modern that i bought a memory stick but i forgot where i left it.

I’m so postmodern that I only listen to cover versions, as downloadable ringtones, on other peoples phones.
I’m so postmodern I think Roland Barthes a genius, Foucault untouchable and Umberto Echo a saint.
I’m so postmodern I don’t read anymore… the authors are all dead.
I’m so postmodern that my opinion doesn’t matter, and history never existed, so this was never written.
I’m so postmodern I play other people’s music, confess I have no talent, then call it a “reference”.
I’m so postmodern I used my bottom for talking, at a seminar on photography, and nobody knew the difference.

I’m so postmodern that i design all of my clothes, a glad-wrap bikini, that i wear to football games.
I’m so postmodern that i dress up as spiderman, gaff myself to the roof and need mum to help me down.
I’m so post modern i think i found Jesus, he was eating peanut butter while hiding behind my couch.

Galactica, love your line about invoicing people who introduce you and questioning the ethics of people who may not appreciate your elevator music…GoodGrief, love your self quest on google and in the fridge…leigh, spelling postmodern with a “k” is SO KPOSTMODERN…right now here are my lame attempts, be kind.
I’m so postmodern I attend Church on fridays, break into nearby houses and maintain I was invited
I’m so postmodern that watch my neighbours tv through my window, to the sound of my own… on a different channel
I’m so postmodern I declare my Catholicism to the Mormons then send my sister to Father Graham with a note excusing me from Matins.

*alteration to my last line*
I’m so postmodern I declare my orthodox Catholicism to the Mormons then send my sister to Church on sunday with a docotrs note excusing me from attending…wow, that is impossible to ryhme and what not 🙁

i’m so postmodern i cook bacon and margarine in my hat,
i’m so postmodern i write letters to the mailman made out of alphabet soup,
i’m so postmodern i sneak into day care centres and wipe my feet on the mat

i’m so postmodern, i go to art galleries, stand in the foyer and look pensive for hours.
i’m so post modern i eat ham flavoured baked beans, roll down a hill and give people dirties.
i’m so post modern i hailed a taxi, kicked the driver in the shins and blamed global warming.
I’m so post modern i started a revolution, in my undies, while tapping one foot.
i’m so post modern i kicked a peach, over a fence, in 1983.
i’m so post modern i refer to my self in 3rd person, in large crowds, at soap conventions.
i’m so post modern i became a vegan, blew up pigeons with rice and held a guitar.
i’m so post modern i rent out my left hand, on Saturday evenings, for low fives only.

Hey Katherine.
While this is a bit too similar to my line ‘I write 4000 word essays on the cultural significance of party pies.’ It’s a nice twist that it’s on your teacher’s laptop, and a great image of her in bed. Keep it cranking!

This one’s a bit clumsy I reckon. You can do better. Remember to watch the ‘scanning’ meaning – will it fit into the rhythm of the song? The last third of the line especially needs to be punchier than this to have impact.

Hey Georgia, not bad. The first one just slips into the ‘random for random’s sake’ category. (Check some of my comments on Page 1 of the masterclass – I refer to this more). Pencils / fork / splits is three random things – but they’re just not crazy enough to stand alone – their needs to be a twist or some ironic connection / poetic juxtaposition – etc. I sharpened all my pencils, using a brick, work experience sucks? The second one is heaps better. Nice image of what a kid with a camera and cowboy for parents would look like. Third one shows great promise, like the set-up, but not the grape – see how you could do a lot more with this – awkward money / or / dad said it was a purse or something related to sex education?

GoodGrief indeed! No, this is fine stuff.
First one: Really like it – there’s something powerful in its simplicity. And a nice juxta of google with something like eating comfort food out of the fridge. Yeah. Now that they have internet fridges, perhaps there’s a way you could expand on it even further!
Second one: Love the start, great concept – I wanted the punchline to be something post-it related. Like ‘Somehow I forgot to put in a front door?’
Third one: Too busy – bad meter, think about how it will fit with the rhythm of the song!
Fourth one: Bit awkward too. See how the simplicity of the first one compares to the super-surreality of the later ones?
Fifth one: Great theory, doesn’t quite come off. Why? Maybe because we just can’t imagine you partying in your dictionary. Compared to say ‘I go on dates that last thirteen minutes via walkie talkie while hiding under the bed.’ Like, we can easily imagine that, and there’s something about that reality that makes it funnier? I guess the dictionary one is just a bit ‘too silly’ and it pains me to write that, as I don’t want to discourage imagination, but yeah…
Sixth one: I like the mention of uni security. Just got to watch your meter again.
Seventh one: Little bit random for random’s sake again I think. Either needs to be crazier or have some connection.

Hey Joeb, I like your correction there. It’s nice to see a ‘work in progress’ so blow your nose and come back here. It is warm and you are accepted! I like yellow being the score. Maybe add ‘I’m scared of cheating’ then it connects with the ‘yellow’ line.

First one: Random for random’s sake. I like pea soup to speakers, but there’s just no thread between everything and there needs to be.
Second one: Too long.
Third one: Nope.
Fourth one: This is pretty good. A nice twist, which we like.
Fifth one: Okay in theory, but doesn’t really come together. The fact you’ve written a song for a cousin isn’t so funny. The fact he’s dead doesn’t make it so funny either. Needs to be something more. It’s folk twice removed? I don’t know really.

These are okay. Nice imagery, specially the second one – and always happy to hear a mention of that Cher classic. They’re just not really gelling. Maybe in the last one you throw it at your ankle? Or call the watermelon an ‘ankle finder’ because you’re throwing it at your foot. See what it’s doing? Just providing some extra word play/ to connect things and make for a more satisfying read for the discerning audience.

Hey Thomas, I like that you’ve introduced an a b c b rhyme here. That’s pretty cool. You need to chuck a twist in at the end though. Why should you have thought about it? You haven’t provided any context, so it’s hard to derive humour from this.

Hey Jason,
Well you’ve mentioned Yahtzee so that’s an instant classic. First one isn’t doing much but the second one is awesome! That’s really funny. A really simple parody of common commercial practices, and the absurdist concept of asking then things won’t be coming in. That’s really, really good. Third one needs more too.
Well done!

Hey Sadako,
This is random for random’s sake. There are lovely images here – but they need more connecting them, or need to be making a bit more of a statement about our reality. The orange juice one is my favourite, because it makes me think of how juice tastes yuck after you brush your teeth, and I like being reminded of that. What about I squeezed some fresh teeth, drank the paste and ruined my breakfast of oranges?

hey Justin, i found the link u were telling me about last night. (im really tall).
Im so post modern, i engraved my facial features, into an electric stapler,
Im so post modern i eat raw desree potato, whilst wearing wooden clogs,
Im so post modern i write my name with ketchup, on the walls at mc donalds.

I’m so post modern I stole your children
and blamed it on the McCans
muahaha

OK, this one’s diverging slightly from the ‘I’m So…” template but heck…
This Country’s so Post modern that its obesity problem
caused three earth quakes and two tsunamis in 5 different third world countries…

I’m so post modern that when my foot got stuck in a hole, I called it a mine and sold
my story to the American Media…
and the idiots believed me

I’m so Post modern that I went on WIKIPEDIA
and changed the rainforest article so that every time it mentioned ‘Rainforest’
I changed the word to Blind person….
*250,000 hectares of ‘Blind people’ are cut down every year*

I’m so post modern i think its a futtttturistic hypotheically thinking broken keyboard, when i hit “t” it gives me a coffee!
what do you call that line? it has to have a name, it’s pretty cool i think lol.

im so postmodern i collect coins and order them according to their shininess
im so postmodern that i do the salmon dance!!
im so postmodern i hired a celica to impress old people
im so postmodern i trap my breath in a bottle and free it at the beach

Welcome aboard. Let’s see:
The last one is kicking arse. That’s really funny. I once had a gag can the person who wrote the dictionary sue us every time we speak? Keep going down that road. (It’s also good because it’s something that can easily be ‘pictured’ in the mind. The rest are falling into the basic ‘random for random’s sake’ trap which I’ve spoken about a fair bit previous. Don’t get me wrong, randomness is great, but it’s not enough – the randomness has to exist within the real world, not a random world, so that there’s dramatic tension. Make sense anyone?

Ahoy there Elenroa High. That’s fabulous news. Do you think you could sell a few shirts and pass on the royalties? I need to buy an Mbox mini. The one about the memory stick is excellent! That’s very witty. A classic gag. The others are inventive and colourful but perhaps could do with a little more refining. Remember to think about the rhythm of the song, and think about how the lyrics will scan in with the song. Also, beware of ‘random for random’s sake.’ All the best with uni and stuff!

Nice twist, probably needs another element thrown in. Perhaps the punchline could be opening your mouth up really loud, as if screaming, but no noise comes out. Or a third, random line like ‘I love grain.’

RFRS. (Random for random’s sake) see above. Apologies for this potential overly curt method of marking, I’m just wary of repeating myself too much. Feel free to take me up on any of this. I’m not necessarily right! Didn’t Hitler say that?

I do like the image of it being projected on a cow. Super Mario in French isn’t so funny, and the fact it’s in german doesn’t add that much. What might be funny is if you were playing the computer game of a movie like ‘pride and prejudice’ y’know. Unexpected!

Heya Luke,
The body of Christ one has potential. You’ve gone for a light pun there with crackers. And look, I agree. Perhaps we need a bigger gag. A play on ‘christ in a biscuit’ or complaining that it’s not gluten free – jesus wasn’t fat. Etc.

Some interesting concepts here – and I like the pseudo academic road you’re going down. Being a complete sham myself, you’ve lost me with actual academic references to actual philosophers, so I’m just giving myself a fail there. See, you gotta remember this has to be funny for the average punter who doesn’t know much about much. For example, mention carl jung, karl marx and Socrates and say a gag like aren’t they cricketers? I dunno. You get the idea. Each one has great concepts, but could be stronger. The opinion doesn’t matter, history never existed one is a very astute satire on the average first year philosophy student – and perhaps at a philosophy lecture it would go down like a genius – but I just worry that it’s not ‘crazy’ enough to illicit a big laugh – that would be my concern. I’d be inclined to finish that line with a bit of holding my head and ‘aaah my brain’ kind of action. Encouraging stuff! Continue.

Hey James, these are okay, but could go further. A glad-wrap bikini is interesting, but wearing it to football games isn’t quite crazy enough. Maybe, like if where you wore it related to the glad-wrap – for example, a Tupperware convention?
The spiderman one has a great ending. But perhaps a funnier set up? Like I started a revolution made a bunch of explosives and had to get mum to help me down.

Hey Jebus, I really like these. There’s a real sense of classic comedic structure about them. The cat me-ow joke is just brilliant. The cement one has a nice ‘two ronnies’ feel about it. And I find the girlfriend one has a quiet complexity about it. Good show!

Caz you’ve gone bananas! Some crazy stuff. Just need to obey some structure rules, as I stated above. A lot of the timing here is awkward but not in a good way. Note: Surreal is good, but in it’s own strange way it needs to be realistic, so that it can be visualised. For example, sky diving off a boat, I just don’t get that image – ie – I can’t even really picture it, so it would be a challenge to build some humour from it. Keep trying.

Hey Gulando,
Way to go cheering on other participants. What a good sport. That rocks!
Now with that last one, that’s an example where you could adopt a ‘super-syntax’ rule, where part of the humour comes from saying the line so fast. I’m liking the above television scenario, could possibly do with a third twist. Like – blindfolded?

Hey Casso, I like these. They are clean and to the point. I guess the msn one would be bookendian, and could maybe benefit with an added LOL reference at the end. Saying that out loud would be funny, in context.

Hey CeeCee, Some great stuff here.
You seem to have a solid grasp of the Standardina.
I especially like the blamed global warming punchline. That’s a solid punchline that could cap off a lot of lines – it’s so now! I also like something ending in ‘in 1983’ And low fives only is a great phrase. Perhaps try your hand at a bookendian or multivex?

I quite like a giraffe made of rice. That is VERY random. These aren’t quite gelling, but are close. The website out of paper is a very nice twist. Perhaps just watch the structure to make sure they’d scan okay when sung.

I thought your first line was the funniest line of them all. As in, you found the link I gave you only because you’re very tall. You are in fact, telling me that so I remember who you are. Oh to be in my head.

Way to go Georgia, trying to create a new genre of post modern lyrics – you pioneer. How about Statica. It’s close to super-syntax in that it’s too long to fit into the metre, but has an extra unhinged element to it.

Great stuff Jeremy, you’ve really excelled. You seem to have a good idea about the twist and the connections. I LOVE the outsourcing one. Very relevant and nice absurdity. The attention span is a great break out of character affair that an audience would dig.

Will: good rhythm, the lyrics flow well. Perhaps I wanted to third line to be a twist, say, something unrelated to ajax…even though it’s an absurd image overall – it needs something else to make it truly memorable.

Justin: Great promise! The logic of the proposition didn’t make sense to me straight away. Okay, so you’re looking for snakes that are quite close…it’s almost there! Just needs some tweaking somehow.

Caley: I like the surrealist imagery here. And there’s some nice assonance in logo and pro. Perhaps needs some kind of witty argument or twist to boost the humour up.