Empowering the Enemy: How You End Up Helping Your Abuser

When you are the recipient of abuse, it is often a bitter pill to swallow that it is we that helped our very abuser. Today, we wanted to talk about how abused people end up helping their abusers.

The Abuser

People who abuse others often use power and control to maintain the upper hand. It is often rather hard to think that the person who is on the receiving end of all that abuse actually does end up helping their abuser to maintain that control.

How the Abused Ends Up Helping Their Abusers

There are a lot of different ways that the abused person ends up helping their abusers. Here are a few ways how:

Maintaining Silence

Abusive people often perceive silence as consent. If the abused person does not speak out or does not say that they do not like what is happening, the abuser ends up with a perceived green light.

Silence is more than about complaining to them that they’re hurting you.

Not Telling Others

When an abused person keeps the truth of what is happening away from the knowledge of others, they end up empowering their abuser. In most cases where abuse is present, there are a staggering 89% of friends and loved ones who often report that “they didn’t know”.

The veneer of happiness that you put on in order to hide the abuse and lie to people around you that you are fine is the very thing that empowers your abuser to do it again.

Always Remember

We say these things not to accuse. We speak up about the realities that many are often try to avoid. What we want is for people in abusive relationships to understand that they can actually end up helping their abusers. Knowing how they do so is a strong way to begin the process of breaking out of it.

With this in mind, what ways do you think abused persons end up helping or empowering their abusers?