You say you're in hell paying your debt. Well, I'm in solitary confinement, on this you can bet. You are forced to face and pay for your error.I hide from living life, stay to self, avoid mirrors.I can't even gaze my own eyes in reflection.The hurt is so deep it's like an infection.Alone I remain in my own hidden painand hope everyday, that you change your direction.You're my son and I love you so dearly, that's trueYet I am also so angry at you. David,My secret cell of turmoil and sadness is not behind bars or concrete or madness. It's inside my own heart all hidden from viewSon I am in prison, just like you. Love, Mom

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Ty both Sheryl and Maushel. I have been trying to keep positive and avoid discussing what I'm going through with him. But is last letter was so sad and confusing, that I decided to let him know the consequences of his actions not only affected him, they affected those who love him. I want him to know he is not the only one suffering. I wanted to let him know that I'm so angry at him for what he's done, not only to himself, but to everyone who loves him. Again, thank you both. I so appreciate this forum. I truly have no one else. Thank you.

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You say you're in hell paying your debt. Well, I'm in solitary confinement, on this you can bet. You are forced to face and pay for your error.I hide from living life, stay to self, avoid mirrors.I can't even gaze my own eyes in reflection.The hurt is so deep it's like an infection.Alone I remain in my own hidden painand hope everyday, that you change your direction.You're my son and I love you so dearly, that's trueYet I am also so angry at you. David,My secret cell of turmoil and sadness is not behind bars or concrete or madness. It's inside my own heart all hidden from viewSon I am in prison, just like you. Love, Mom

Your message really struck a chord in me. Criminals rarely care about their loved ones, especially their mothers, although on the surface they make it appear as if they care about their mothers. Mothers go through Hell when their children are imprisoned/incarcerated for a long period of time. The subject is unfortunate, but you hit a home run with your very poignant letter.

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Your message really struck a chord in me. Criminals rarely care about their loved ones, especially their mothers, although on the surface they make it appear as if they care about their mothers. Mothers go through Hell when their children are imprisoned/incarcerated for a long period of time. The subject is unfortunate, but you hit a home run with your very poignant letter.

Thank you DantheMan. I wanted him to know. I just wanted him to know that it's hell for me too. Thanks again.

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These have been my feelings also, but we are still awaiting my son's sentencing for a 1st time offense white collar crime. I am afraid to tell him these things yet because I am also concerned for his mental state right now. I, myself will be seeing a psychologist soon to help me cope with what is coming ahead. Thanks for sharing this poem.

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These have been my feelings also, but we are still awaiting my son's sentencing for a 1st time offense white collar crime. I am afraid to tell him these things yet because I am also concerned for his mental state right now. I, myself will be seeing a psychologist soon to help me cope with what is coming ahead. Thanks for sharing this poem.

Hey motherdepressed, you are doing the right thing by holding off saying anything yet, he will be doing it hard himself for now. Trying to get his head around all of this and knowing he has upset you too. Just hang in there with him, get some help yourself and talk on here, it is so so therapeutic.

__________________There is nobility in compassion, a beauty in empathy and a grace in forgiveness.
~ John Connolly

Wow . Just reading this I could feel all the emotion and pain behind your words. Im so sorry. When a loved one does time its like youre in there with them, I understand. I hope whenever you feel down you always reach out and get the support you need Writing is a good outlet. Best of luck to you.

You say you're in hell paying your debt. Well, I'm in solitary confinement, on this you can bet. You are forced to face and pay for your error.I hide from living life, stay to self, avoid mirrors.I can't even gaze my own eyes in reflection.The hurt is so deep it's like an infection.Alone I remain in my own hidden painand hope everyday, that you change your direction.You're my son and I love you so dearly, that's trueYet I am also so angry at you. David,My secret cell of turmoil and sadness is not behind bars or concrete or madness. It's inside my own heart all hidden from viewSon I am in prison, just like you. Love, Mom

These have been my feelings also, but we are still awaiting my son's sentencing for a 1st time offense white collar crime. I am afraid to tell him these things yet because I am also concerned for his mental state right now. I, myself will be seeing a psychologist soon to help me cope with what is coming ahead. Thanks for sharing this poem.

I wish I could reach out and hug you. I know what you are going through. I know. Since writing that letter, I have adjusted and accepted. I keep busy with work. I walk to the post office often in hopes of finding a letter from him. I'm usually more disappointed than not. This forum has helped me to understand that "I'm not the only one". This "thing", we can get through. YOU can get through. Don't let it destroy you. Keep going. It can be done.

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The pain and shame that I brought my family is why I changed my ways. I had no idea how shattering my arrest would be to those who loved me. And I figured this out long before sentencing.

I am so very happy for you. I hope you are still on a good and positive path for yourself. All most parents want for their kids is simple. All we want is that our kids are able to be independent and take care of themselves as adults. Parents know we won't be around forever.

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I like all of you moms have been going through this also, but my son and I started talking about both of our feelings and what might happen and will happen and when he comes home WHAT WILL HAPPEN or else, I let him know and continue to let him know that I love him and I am here for him, but after all of this is done, if it happens again (I don't think that it will - hope hope) he will travel down this road alone. We are in the process of making lemonade and will be able to drink it when this journey is through.

I am a son, a convicted felon, getting ready to serve 15 months in federal for white collar, and after all I've been through, the hardest part was definitely when my mother abandon me. However, I'm learning a something from this very important. It's time to grow up. My mom doesn't want to be hurt, or have her reputation in the community she has worked to hard to build up damaged, so maybe she is just - detaching with love. When they read those victim impact statements in the courts, they don't get to see these poems, or the innocent victims we hurt when we commit crimes. My wife, children, mother, father. The thing that needs to change is me, and the growing up is not hurting the people I care about anymore- period. all this bullshit tough-guy, smart-guy,all the excuses about why I am the way I am and cant' change are excuses, not useful or constructive. A real smart, and tough guy would never hurt their own mother, and family! HE WOULD PROTECT THEM FROM PAIN AND SUFFERING NOT BE THE CAUSE OF IT! If I can honestly look at what pain I caused to my own mother and family and still justify my BS then I am a felon to myself-and deserve to be in prison. How free do I want to be? My mom is free from my BS, now I need to get free from my BS by growing up - YES AT 44 years old!

You say you're in hell paying your debt. Well, I'm in solitary confinement, on this you can bet. You are forced to face and pay for your error.I hide from living life, stay to self, avoid mirrors.I can't even gaze my own eyes in reflection.The hurt is so deep it's like an infection.Alone I remain in my own hidden painand hope everyday, that you change your direction.You're my son and I love you so dearly, that's trueYet I am also so angry at you. David,My secret cell of turmoil and sadness is not behind bars or concrete or madness. It's inside my own heart all hidden from viewSon I am in prison, just like you. Love, Mom

Wow. This is so beautiful and touched my heart and spirit. You described EXACTLY what I am feeling, only in my case the offender is my ex-husband and not a son. I just told him recently that he truly doesn't understand the impact that his actions have had on all of us who love him. Yes, he is the one in physical confinement, but he has dragged all of us into an emotional confinement with him. The shame, the hurt, the disappointment, the fears--I just wish that he could see and feel from a true sense the impact that his actions have had.

__________________

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Counting time one day at a time.

Last edited by clingingtohope; 12-12-2013 at 06:27 PM..
Reason: To add a couple of words.

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You say you're in hell paying your debt. Well, I'm in solitary confinement, on this you can bet. You are forced to face and pay for your error.I hide from living life, stay to self, avoid mirrors.I can't even gaze my own eyes in reflection.The hurt is so deep it's like an infection.Alone I remain in my own hidden painand hope everyday, that you change your direction.You're my son and I love you so dearly, that's trueYet I am also so angry at you. David,My secret cell of turmoil and sadness is not behind bars or concrete or madness. It's inside my own heart all hidden from viewSon I am in prison, just like you. Love, Mom

That was very articulated. Its hard sometimes to express how you are truly feeling, and you did so very accurately with this. How did he respond if you don't mind me asking? I hope that he was able to hear your words and that both of you are able to communicate on a level of understanding that you both are hurting and can move forward to a positive place. I only hope you and your family the best! Sending good positive energy your way!