Resident’s Guide to the Supercars

Hi yes hello, it’s me, your favourite sarcastic local commentator. Welcome once again to the funhouse. Well it might not be all that fun this weekend, but it’s still a house none the less. In light of the great concentrated contributor to global warming that is the Supercar race this weekend, I thought I would put together a handy guide to all things Supercars for residents. (Warning if you’re looking for actual info this is not the place to look).

Get out of Newcastle

It’s only Monday so there is still time. Run, flee, fly away before all the tourists swarm in and the decibel levels reach a billion.

Can’t leave? Take the day off

Understandable, I mean there are things like work, and life, and money that sometimes get in the way. These things are pesky but tend to make the world go round. However, I heard a rumour that all non-essential staff should take the Friday off work. Watch how important you become to the company you work for when you suggest such a thing.

Protest

Lol jk. The Po-po have already issued many a warning to any East End resident who decides to protest over the weekend, as was reported by a much more reputable news outlet earlier in the week. Your voice won’t be physically heard anyway so there’s really no point. *NWA plays on the boom-box*

Have people over and celebrate the race

Lol jk. Again, only residents with passes will be allowed in certain areas (particularly along the East End). I mean you can always invite random strangers over for a beer. A balcony seat surely has to go for over 500 a pop right?

Listen to the concert(s) from the safety of your house.

No one wants to be surrounded by that many people. The beauty of living in the middle of the city is that noise, music and life travels. (Last plane out of Sydneys almost gooonnneeeeee)

Crack open an (expensive) cold one with the boys (or your associated friends and family)

Let’s not beat around the bush here, prices are going to skyrocket. Stock up now before all that’s left is that fancy craft beer that makes you look cultured. It’s all about a hard earned thirst.

Watch the race

Yes ok, this article is very negative and maybe some of you would actually like to watch the race? If this is the case, please do so, and enjoy yourself. Relish in all that is the supercar race and go hard or go home… oh wait.

Remember that it’s honestly only three days.

Only three days. The event will surely boost the economy and maybe even put Newcastle on the map for all the right reasons. We’re not just a race track after all.