FayeKaneHomelessBain

That should say "Faye Kane, homeless BRAIN".

What am I?

I'm a 30-something, autistic "math/physics chick". I live alone in the woods (naked, BTW), hacked into the power grid, with wireless broadband.

I'm also the comp sci dept. valedictorian at the school rated 3rd in the country for computers. I'm a former nuclear engineer (I won 3 awards), but after too many years of working for old white, greedy, rich, evil retards, I said "fuck it", and for 3 years I've lived naked in a technology-packed, apollo-capsule-sized cave in the woods

OK, a teeny little tent I can just barely sit up min. What EVER. But it's half buried, so it's a CAVE.

I hacked into the 250v power grid and got 125v without a transformer. How? Jedi Magic.

What am I?

► I am the über slacker.

My super power is "understanding stuff". ANY stuff.

So I understanded my way into my own little world, with a space heater, dorm fridge, microwave, wireless broadband, festive, colored christmas lights, bondage porn, and a VERY fast computer. I'm the only homeless person who sleeps on the ground next to the interstate who has air-conditioning.

I spend all day, every day, reading hyperbolic 4D topology and masturbating.

What am I?

► I am SMART

...and I know what you're thinking.

Yes, there IS someone *that* crazy on the internet. Go to my intro first:

http://tinyurl.com/geeks-wise-up

Then go to my site:

http://tinyurl.com/kanecave

See?

HAH!

I'm also an official idiot savant. Autistics are the True Master Race, see? That is, I'm a wretched genetic mutant, like ther X-men. I'd rather be a shape-shifter or control the weather, but I'm just glad I'm not the Elephant Man.

God made me pay out the ass for the ability to understand, basically, anything: I'm also officially crazy. Like, apparently, WAY crazy, though I seem perfectly normal to ME. But I was committed to the state mental hospital, which is as "official" as crazy can get.

He also made me a retard. Except in languages and visualization, I am LITERALLY mentally retarded. I used 3-dimensional calculus to write software that calculates the nuclear skyshine factor under variable shield geometries, but I can't do 3rd-grade arihtmetic. Literally.

And just like the mongoloid ones, I'm also emotionally retarded.

Big fucking deal. I'm ME. And if you don't like it, BLOW ME!

Well, eat me.

My web site is dedicated to two things:

1) Explaining Reimann spacetime geometries, with special attention to the 4D hyperbolic topology induced by the interval metric. Einstein said "If you can't explain it to your grandmother then you don't understand it yourself".

I understand EVERYTHING... and control NOTHING.

2) Geeks are afraid of girls. But I'm both, and I have a very unique insight into the matter for the guy ones. I tell them the stuff they desperately want to know, before they commit suicide from cancer of the intelligence.

What am I?

► I am the saviour of the geeks.

I also use shock therapy to help cure those ingrown dorks. I help them WISE UP, feel the "sexual anger", and not be afraid of people like me. I displaying my naked body to them for free, in a probably-futile attempt to excorcize my mom's evil spirit from my OWN head.

So far, it hasn't worked.

The hypocitical, drunken, prudish religous-nut (who is in hell now) infected me with the evil sin of sexual shame. That made me obsessed with it.

I've gone to a bar to meet my readers, and two of them fucked me. And in 2002, I let a complete stranger tie me to a bench in his basement naked for 3 days nonstop, torture me sexually, and and let his friends rape me. I had to sleep down there gagged and tied tightly, with a boomstick handle so far up my ass that I'm sure it was dangerous.

Yes, really.

But no matter WHAT I let men do to me, I will ALWAYS feel guilty about merely wanting to be fucked like every other girl (and, I hear, some of the guys). Mom's talons grabbed my skull and she watched me 24/7, shaking her finger, staring me down, and telling me I should be ashamed of myself.

Why do my site?

If I can save even one timid nerd (and I've saved two) from being terminally shy and apologetic, then maybe it will be okay when I die pretty soon of hep C that I got trying heroin with a junkie lesbian prostitute in a homeless shelter.

Yes, I live alone in a cave in the woods. But STILL, I must distribute the understanding which is overflowing from deep in my soul.

What am I?

► I am the Latter-Day Zarathustra.

And I'm not coming out until they herd all the stupid people into boxcars and put them in some kind of "camp".