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Monday, July 9, 2012

He is Good

"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him"

Nahum 1:7 (NIV)

When strangers and friends alike ask me "how did you do it?" in reference to my pregnancy with the twins and early delivery, I usually have one main response:

I was able to do it only because I found my refuge in Christ. The night before I delivered these 28 week wee little ones, I can remember just soaking up every little kick and movement inside my womb...and I remember smiling and thinking "God you are so good."

I spent only a moment with my son before he was whisked away to the NICU. My daughter, Audrey, I would need see till much later. And although there was much anxiety about what lay in the future for those two little babies, I can remember not crying upon seeing them in their incubators because all I could think was "God, you are so good." It was the song of my heart every day I walked into that sterile room with babies even smaller and sicker than my own. That face in the picture below isn't of a mother wallowing in fear...that's a picture of a mother who was looking on in amazement of what she has just seen her Healer just do. And it was the most beautiful moment.

I dwell on that moment when I feel like God does not care about my desires. Those moments when I am having a pity party for myself...those moments when my heart is so full of anxiety...those moments when I am feeling weak..I look at this picture. I see that smile of hope. I see woman just amazed at His goodness.

And I realize the beauty in letting go and surrendering to God.

I see a woman who was not strong at all...but her God indeed was. And He was/is good.

The beauty in suffering is when you die to yourself, you fully get to experience God in a way many people never get to.