Saturday, April 25, 2009

the struggle

as straight and honest as i can put it....

i've got a situation goin' on that's gettin'the best of me.i keep tryin, and i think i've got a handleon it. and then i lose my grip.moments of feelin' insane have come up.just feelin' like i can't handle this one.

there's a lot of turmoil.

so.okay.

i know this for a fact......

if i focus on the gratitude and see the good,i can change this around.

i know that.i believe that.

inside tho, is this powerful force that'sangry, and frustrated, and tired, and grouchy.

gratitude doesn't look that appealing.

this is strong. it's big to me.and it's important to me.

my insides want to head to the negative fullsteam.

i am standing at an important place.

not even so much because of the outcome ofthe 'situation'....but because of the choicei make inside. for my life goal.

i know what i gotta do.and at this point don't want to.i just don't want to.

that's why i thought it'd be cool to put it uphere.

i'm gonna spend the next few hours trying toget to a spot where i can go to the gratitude.

because i KNOW that's the direction i REALLYwant to go.

i just know the other direction is way easier.

i post this because, for me, anyway, this happens at important times in my life.and my choices matter.and i find these some of the hardest choicesi ever make.

i think moments like this are really important.

the phrase 'follow your heart' comes to mind.i like that phrase and believe in it.thing is...you gotta hear the whole thing.

if i followed what was on the top of my heart,it'd be a whole different kinda thing than ifi follow what's way way down deep.

you gotta hear the whole thing.

and then you gotta have the courage to do it.

for all those who think i'm courageous.i'm not.i don't have the courage right now.i really don't.

sometimes the stuffing just gets knockedright outta me.

but i'm gonna try anyway.because i've come way too far to take theeasy way out now.

thing is....i get confused on what's right and what's not.

and then it occurs to me.gratitude is never wrong, is it?should be a pretty safe place to start.

ter, came over to see how you're doing...and i'm with Merry ME..i think (nah, can i be obnoxious here and say I KNOW?!?) you are courageous- you just ARE!...there IS a quote (and, like Peggi, i couldnt' find it...altho hers is awesome.."i think i can"! -love it!)..about courage not being the absence of fear..i'm thinking that sharing your struggle and standing up in it..(which you are doing) is being courageous..it's probably not about slaying the dragon, more about opening your eyes to the fact that there IS a dragon?? and you are the eyes-open gal in my book!!! sending love and mirroring your courage back to you - as you'd done so often for others!

the challenge of living

“to allow the sorrow and weight of life and yet to dance with an easy and open heart. to ache in your darkest depths and yet to laugh from your light filled center. to know the reality of humanity and yet to believe in the magic of the stars. to act with love in the middle of the fear and to hold each moment as the gift that it is. this is the challenge of living.”

for patrise

'turns out she was beautiful all along -'

slam

“slam the door, i'll open a window. close my window, i'll find a crack in the wall. caulk the opening in the wall - i'll bust thru the bricks - because i'm not a victim anymore”

it was hers

“they took. they invaded. they pushed. they violated. in so many different ways. a lifetime of pushes and takings and making her feel less than valuable. sitting back, she began to see it. how it had gone on and on. and in seeing it, she began to realize - it was up to her now to shout, to whisper, to sing, to move and to believe in her value. no more taking that from her. it was hers. no more giving it away. it was hers. proudly, with strength and with knowing, she held it. she lived it. she became it.”

the whole

“she could never go back and make some of the details pretty. all she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful.”

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god's in there

“i want my heart to open and open. 'cause i think god's in there.”

i am

“to lose myself in the dance so much so that love will entangle my bones in its roots, courage will embrace the ashes and wisdom will understand that it's all part of the dance. this is mine for the taking. i pray my hands will grasp it, my heart will open to it, and i will know that i am the dance.”

the fabric of her dancing shoes

Wanting to learn how to dance not only through life, but with life, and understanding that the dancing came from within, Terri began a search inside herself. This book is an account of some of terri's searching and wanderings.

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i matter

“it was when she first dared to see her truth that the winds howled. after a time, it strengthened her and she spoke her truth and the earth shook. and when finally, she believed her truth - the stars rejoiced, the universe opened, and even her bones sang her song: I Matter!”

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thanks

“who do i thank for her? the stars? the universe? she herself? none of these thanks seem enough for such a gift as having her in my life.”

if i could

“if i could teach you anything- it would be to hear your heart, and know your beauty and to believe in your possibilities”

more than anything

“more than anything i want to trust a journey that i don't understand~”

hope cards

set of 50 watercolor cards designed to offer a daily dose of hope and inspiration!

living passion

“it is not enough to find your passion... you must dive straight into the fire of your fear~ where you can grab it and hold it until it transforms you.”

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i am enough

“lifting the cover of shame and self doubt, she dropped it on the ground. stepping into the light she slowly lifted her head. this is who i am. and i am here. and i am enough. the light warmed her face and her heart.”

voices

“the pull was calling again. so strongly it called her. no. she didn't want to answer it... and yet.... she stalled. give it enough time. it will pass. "stall." she told herself. "you can do it." the voices in her head going back and forth, the struggle intense, the moments magnified. and then slowly the call weakened. the spirit strengthened. she stepped forward with relief and pride. she was moving on ~ with an even stronger spirit and a stronger body.”

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allowing it

“it's not about controlling. it's about being present. being open, being aware - and allowing it to come.”

stars inside her journal

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she fell

“she fell from their graces into her truth.”

the universe

“and the universe listened”

back to life

“weeping tears of recognition she found herself among the ruins and brought herself back to life.”

a gift

“she was a gift. she understood that now. she lived that now. in offering herself to those who valued her, and leaving the others to themselves, she grew. and the gift deepened...”

a new life

“and a new life arrives. possibility is born. may we wrap your heart in gentleness and give you wings of light as you blossom into you. welcome, little one, welcome.”

the light inside

“when things were hard and when it hurt, she closed her eyes - searching for the light inside. slowly, it brightened enough for her to see it. quietly, she felt it - touched it - held it. and steadily it warmed her and softened her once again.”

it's there

“don't wait for it. know it's there already. don't stop to feel it. move in its flow without thinking. don't test the wind... just lift your wings - and leap!”

embrace my scars

“i will accept the falls. embrace my scars. live my Passion. i will not run.”

from the stars

“she came from the stars. it was her job to remember that, to hold that, and to honor that.”