BuzzFeed - Rocco Desertohttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic
BuzzFeed, Find Your New Favorite ThingenCopyright 2016 BuzzFeed, Inc.Fri, 09 Dec 2016 23:31:32 -0500editor@buzzfeed.com (https://www.buzzfeed.com/about)info@buzzfeed.com (https://www.buzzfeed.com/about)BuzzFeedhttps://webappstatic.buzzfeed.com/static/images/public/rss/logo.pnghttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic
Man Enters Symptoms In WebMD, Gets Correct Diagnosis!https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/man-enters-symptoms-in-webmd-gets-correct-diagnos-b1eq?utm_term=4ldqpia
When Victor Smoldger felt ill, he wasn’t sure what was causing his illness. His doctor couldn’t see him until 2 weeks later, so he took matters into his own hands and went to WebMD.

Victor Smoldger from Scranton, PA woke up one morning not feeling so well. His stomach was crampy, he couldn't breathe right, and he was sweaty. He called his doctor but wasn't able to get an appointment that week or the week after.

That's when Victor decided to investigate his symptoms further. He gave WebMD another chance, just last year Victor had a terrible itch near his big toe, which WebMD diagnosed as toe cancer with the need of amputation. Victor entered his symptoms into the symptom checker and to his shock the first diagnosis that popped up wasn't terminal. It was the flu. The plain ole flu.

Victor eventually got an earlier appointment with his doctor who confirmed he had the flu. He gave him medication, Victor felt better, and was killed in a car accident a few days later, by a FIAT with WebMD advertisement decals on the side.

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/man-enters-symptoms-in-webmd-gets-correct-diagnos-b1eqThu, 17 Dec 2015 21:38:40 -0500When Victor Smoldger felt ill, he wasn't sure what was causing his illness. His doctor couldn't see him until 2 weeks later, so he took matters into his own hands and went to WebMD.roccothecomicadultNYC School Evacuated After Child Brings In Picture Of Santa Claushttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/nyc-school-evacuated-after-child-brings-in-picture-b1eq?utm_term=4ldqpia
A Brooklyn Elementary School was evacuated after a little girl brought in a picture of Santa Claus so he could watch her be a good girl.

Earlier today an elementary school located in Park Slope Brooklyn was evacuated when a kindergarten student brought in a picture of what is said to be Santa Claus. According the teacher, who was taken to the hospital in complete shock, the child took the photo out of their Dora the Explorer book bag and placed in her desk so "Santa could watch her be a good girl." The bomb squad was brought in, and the picture was removed from the class room.

The principal of the school Dr. Lois Von Partipupa, commented that children and parents were notified that to make everyone feel equal all types of celebrations, holidays, and happy thoughts have been banned from the school. Dr. Von Partipupa advised that the school will have counsellors on hand to deal with any children who want to discuss the horrific experience. Parents of one student commented that they heard the news while they were picking up an Organic Vegan GMO-Free Soy Latte with Chia Seeds from the local coffee shop and the sped to the school to pick up their son on their recycled bicycle.

This is the second incident in 2 weeks, last week at a school in the Bronx, a teacher had to be resuscitated after one of their students said "God Bless You" after she sneezed.

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/nyc-school-evacuated-after-child-brings-in-picture-b1eqTue, 15 Dec 2015 14:52:38 -0500A Brooklyn Elementary School was evacuated after a little girl brought in a picture of Santa Claus so he could watch her be a good girl.roccothecomicadultA Guide For Men: A Trip To Victoria's Secret With Your Wife/Girlfriendhttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/a-guide-for-men-a-trip-to-victorias-secret-with-b1eq?utm_term=4ldqpia
Guys all get dragged to the mall, it’s a part of life. Sometimes we get lucky and the old “I’m going to get take a dump” excuse can get you out of visiting your girls favorite store, but sometimes it doesn’t. Nothing can be more awkward than when you get dragged into Victoria’s Secret. Here’s a few tips to for you guys out there.

Don't Make any Rapey Faces

Don't Stray Too Far Away From Your Girl

There's nothing creepier than a random guy just standing in the middle of a store while teenagers try to find the right thong to buy. Just stay near your girl, this may even be the opportune time to hold her purse for her. Just something that screams "I'm not here for creepy reasons"

Play on Your Phone

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/a-guide-for-men-a-trip-to-victorias-secret-with-b1eqThu, 03 Sep 2015 11:35:34 -0400Guys all get dragged to the mall, it's a part of life. Sometimes we get lucky and the old "I'm going to get take a dump" excuse can get you out of visiting your girls favorite store, but sometimes it doesn't. Nothing can be more awkward than when you get dragged into Victoria's Secret. Here's a few tips to for you guys out there.roccothecomicadultObese Man Dies Attempting To Put On His Sockshttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/obese-man-dies-attempting-to-put-on-his-socks-b1eq?utm_term=4ldqpia
Vito A. Fantoculo was your average obese italian man. He enjoyed his couch, he loved his mom, he used to be an alter boy, and he loved his chicken parm heroes. If there’s one thing Vito never enjoyed, it was putting on his socks, which ultimately lead to his demise.

Cops in Staten Island, New York responded to a call after a landlord reported a loud bang coming from her 2nd Floor tenant. Cops responded to the scene to find 45 year old Vito A. Fantoculo on the floor dead of an apparent heart attack.

According to my sources within the NYPD Mr. Fantoculo was found in his bedroom with, a sock dangling from his big toe. Detectives say the socks were ankle socks, and there was no shot they were big enough to fit his giant feet. Cops in Staten Island have reported a recent increase in sudden deaths of obese men, all found to have died while attempting to put on their socks. "There's been numerous times when I have almost blacked out while trying to get my socks on, that's why half the time I just wear slippers" said Christopher Lewis an obese bystander at the scene.

Neighbors of Mr. Fantoculo were shocked to hear the news of his death. Sal Adolina a neighbor of Mr. Fantoculo for over 10 years commented on what a sweet man he was. "He would give you the shirt off his back, but not the meatball off his plate."

Mr. Fantoculo will be buried on Tuesday at St. Mona Lisa Vito Cemetery in Staten Island, all are invited for lunch afterwards. Fresh antipasti with baked clams will be served.

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/obese-man-dies-attempting-to-put-on-his-socks-b1eqFri, 28 Aug 2015 23:50:51 -0400Vito A. Fantoculo was your average obese italian man. He enjoyed his couch, he loved his mom, he used to be an alter boy, and he loved his chicken parm heroes. If there's one thing Vito never enjoyed, it was putting on his socks, which ultimately lead to his demise.roccothecomicadult20 Things Kids These Days Won't Get To Experiencehttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/20-things-kids-these-days-wont-get-to-experience-b1eq
Kids these days have everything pretty much digital and immediate, these a few things they won’t get to experience.
*Compiled by a 90s kid

Having to actually wait for a number to dial in order to connect to the internet.

Since no one had cell phones, you had to call your friends house and pray that it was them who answered the phone

Passing notes in class

Having to roll down the window in a car

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/20-things-kids-these-days-wont-get-to-experience-b1eqTue, 09 Sep 2014 09:34:45 -0400Kids these days have everything pretty much digital and immediate, these a few things they won&#39;t get to experience.
*Compiled by a 90s kidroccothecomicadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultThey probably won&#39;t even know what this tape is.nonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadult143 - I love younonadultnonadultand burning a hole in your pantsnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultWhat To Expect When Your Wife/Girlfriend Is Expecting (For Men)https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/what-to-expect-when-your-wifegirlfriend-is-expect-b1eq
This a humorous look on what men could expect for the 9 months while their significant other is pregnant.

Remember that beautiful woman you love? Pregnancy hormones are about to turn her into the devil.

You're going to start getting yelled at a lot more than normally, majority of the time, you'll have no idea why.

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/what-to-expect-when-your-wifegirlfriend-is-expect-b1eqFri, 31 Jan 2014 10:01:24 -0500This a humorous look on what men could expect for the 9 months while their significant other is pregnant.roccothecomicadultnonadultnonadultWhat they tell you is most of the time morning sickness isn&#39;t just in the morning IT"S ALL DAY!nonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultGet your cologne "approved" before putting it on.nonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultIt&#39;s ok we still love you.nonadultnonadultFat People Problemshttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/fat-people-problems-b1eq
We get it, we’re fat….. here’s a list of problems you probably didn’t realize we had…… and yes, we all know if we lost weight these problems would go away.
Don’t take this list so seriously either.

Standing on public transportation even if there are seats because you take up too much room.

Being compared to the fat idiots who make embarassing YouTube videos

Like you, we also hope that another fat person doesn't sit next to us.

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/fat-people-problems-b1eqFri, 10 Jan 2014 11:27:15 -0500We get it, we&#39;re fat..... here&#39;s a list of problems you probably didn&#39;t realize we had...... and yes, we all know if we lost weight these problems would go away.
Don&#39;t take this list so seriously either.roccothecomicadultnonadultnonadultnonadultWe also risk our picture being taken if we don&#39;t fit somewherenonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultWe won&#39;t even bother telling them the size is wrong.nonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultIt actually costs more to be fat.nonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultTo be honest, we&#39;ve already heard every comment you could possibly make, so don&#39;t even bother.nonadultnonadultCould go in there with a paper cut, they&#39;d tell us "well if you lost weight....."nonadultnonadultnonadultWe also have to worry before going anywhere if they&#39;ll have chairs that are strong enough to hold us.nonadultnonadultMemories Of Growing Up In An Italian Householdhttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/memories-of-growing-up-in-an-italian-househould-b1eq
Part 2 of the Popular List - 26 Signs you grew up in an Italian Household (http://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/you-know-you-grew-up-in-an-italian-house-when-b1eq)

Someone in your family spent majority of their day saying the rosary.

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/memories-of-growing-up-in-an-italian-househould-b1eqFri, 04 Oct 2013 10:33:20 -0400Part 2 of the Popular List - 26 Signs you grew up in an Italian Household (http://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/you-know-you-grew-up-in-an-italian-house-when-b1eq)roccothecomicadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultEveryone took pride in their espresso.nonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultSome of them held it like a telephone, or held it far from them as if it had cooties, while others just stared at it like "Che cazzo e&#39;?"nonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultThese are the people that magically were perfectly healthy whenever a Tarantella came on during a family partynonadultnonadultAnnoying Things You'll Come Across Riding The NYC Subwayhttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/annoying-things-youll-come-across-riding-the-nyc-b1eq
Riding the NYC Subway is interesting, and if you’ve been on the Subway, these are probably the things that bother you.

Homeless people sleeping on the seats...

We've all had it happen to us, as the train is slowing down you notice the car is pretty empty, you think it's your lucky day. As the doors open and you step inside the smell of shit overtakes you, now you realize why the train was empty. You have become victim to the "Bum Car"

Other people's body odor...

It's a warm summer day, a guy steps on the train, raises his arm to hold onto the bar and you almost pass out. At this point you wish it was socially acceptable to carry around spray deodorant and spray people just for moments like this.

Guys selling candy on the train...

When you hear "Ladies & Gentleman" you automatically become annoyed. These guys are selling candy to keep themselves out of "trouble" by selling you a pack of fruit snacks for $1.

The guys who breakdance on the train...

When did riding the train automatically make you a judge on So You Think You Can Dance? Every time these groups start, you are already expecting one of them to do a back flip and accidentally kick you in the face.

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/annoying-things-youll-come-across-riding-the-nyc-b1eqTue, 18 Jun 2013 12:40:00 -0400Riding the NYC Subway is interesting, and if you&#39;ve been on the Subway, these are probably the things that bother you.roccothecomicadultWe&#39;ve all had it happen to us, as the train is slowing down you notice the car is pretty empty, you think it&#39;s your lucky day. As the doors open and you step inside the smell of shit overtakes you, now you realize why the train was empty. You have become victim to the "Bum Car"nonadultIt&#39;s a warm summer day, a guy steps on the train, raises his arm to hold onto the bar and you almost pass out. At this point you wish it was socially acceptable to carry around spray deodorant and spray people just for moments like this.nonadultWhen you hear "Ladies &amp; Gentleman" you automatically become annoyed. These guys are selling candy to keep themselves out of "trouble" by selling you a pack of fruit snacks for $1.nonadultWhen did riding the train automatically make you a judge on So You Think You Can Dance? Every time these groups start, you are already expecting one of them to do a back flip and accidentally kick you in the face.nonadultSeriously? Like you don&#39;t notice that there&#39;s no room? No it&#39;s ok, I wanted to experience what it&#39;s like to be in a sardine can. These people will then look at you as if you&#39;re the one inconveniencing them. It&#39;s at this time you will be touched in places you didn&#39;t even know you had.nonadultIt&#39;s a crap shoot at this point at what&#39;s going to be in this bag. It&#39;s either going to be vegetables which is OK, or a bag of fish that are sometimes still flapping. Usually it&#39;ll probably flap against your leg.nonadultShe may look old, she may look weak, but if you&#39;re standing in the way of her sitting down on the train she&#39;s going to knock you over. If you attempt to sit down before her there&#39;s a chance she&#39;ll sit on your lap. If she has a little kid with her, she&#39;s going to send that kid on a scouting mission to find a seat. You won&#39;t win, so don&#39;t try.nonadultYou&#39;ve had 100 consecutive swipes where your Metrocard worked on the first swipe. On the 101st swipe it&#39;s not going to work, but you&#39;re not going to be expecting it so you anticipate it and keep walking forward only to either A) Almost flip over the turnstile because it didn&#39;t turn or B) Get a shot in the genitals that will guarantee you not being able to have kids.nonadultThere are drug dealers then there are these guys, they want to sell you a Metrocard Swipe. Yes, I&#39;m sure I made it all the way to the turnstile without having a MetroCard. They get annoyed too when you decline.nonadultIt&#39;s a known thing, if someone tries to shake your hand on the train, they want to sell you onto something. When I first started taking the train I actually shook the guys hand I thought maybe he recognized me from something, then he handed me a book and asked me if I was interested..... long story short, if someone reaches out their hand just say "I&#39;m not interested"nonadultIt&#39;s usually either a song with a constant drum solo or a crazy beat that you can hear. The person playing it seems oblivious but everyone around him is sharing the "We hate this guy stare"nonadultIt&#39;s usually a crazy love song, or a crazy rap song about stabbing and killing people. If it&#39;s dancing, they&#39;re usually staring at themselves in their reflection making love faces to themselves...nonadultWe get it, you love each other...There&#39;s nothing more romantic then making out the train/platform.nonadultAll this platform space, this is where you decide to stop and wait? Might as well hold my hand and sit on my lap once we get in there...nonadultThey&#39;ll usually huff and puff or make gestures. If you may eye contact with them they&#39;re going to try and start a conversation with you about the terrible service...nonadultRather than moving to let people out of the train people bear down as if they&#39;re bracing for a Tsunami, it&#39;s at this point where you wish you had an offensive line to help you get off the train...nonadultIf you can&#39;t sit up straight while taking a nap on the train, then don&#39;t go to sleep. These are the people that usually end up falling into your lap or leaning their head on your shoulder.nonadultNothing says romantic like staring at a girl constantly when she has no where to escape...nonadultThe train is packed, the doors open and there&#39;s this idiot with their bike. We all think the same thing "Why don&#39;t they just ride the bike home?"nonadultSometimes you&#39;ll get kids that ask 9,000 questions, or a kid who sings the ABCs for their entire trip on the train, some kids will just go with the classic screaming. All while their parents just sit there and the passengers look at each other with a shared hate for these children.nonadultI get it, we&#39;re a country on the go but seriously can you eat something that doesn&#39;t make the entire train smell like curry or dumplings or some other combination that makes my stomach churn?nonadultDo I seriously care what Janet did yesterday in the office? NO!!!nonadultWould it kill us to get a little bit of ventilation?nonadultLEFT IS MOVING LANE
RIGHT IS LAZY LANEnonadultYou really want to tell them you have a better chance of understanding Egyptian Hieroglyphics than reading that map...nonadultSeriously you can&#39;t text the person?nonadultDo you have the disease that makes your balls the size of basketballs? No? Then close your legs.nonadultPut headphones on, no one wants to hear this nonsense.nonadultI get it, the pole is disgusting but if you&#39;re not going to hold on you better have good balance. It gets annoying watching you almost bust your ass every time the train moves.nonadultnonadultYou Know You're From Bensonhurst When...https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/you-know-youre-from-bensonhurst-when-b1eq
These should ring a bell if you’re from Bensonhurst or around the area.

You went to at least 1 family party here...

The same lady would go through your garbage for cans every day

You were best friends with the guy at the corner store

You've probably got into an argument/fight with one of these guys on a street corner for things they said to you or a girl you know

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/you-know-youre-from-bensonhurst-when-b1eqThu, 13 Jun 2013 22:32:39 -0400These should ring a bell if you&#39;re from Bensonhurst or around the area.roccothecomicadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultand she&#39;d curse at you when you called her out on it.nonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultWhy You'd Give Anything To Go Back To Elementary Schoolhttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/why-youd-give-anything-to-go-back-to-elementary-s-b1eq
Remember when you were in school all you wished was for the day when you didn’t have to go to school anymore? Now as adults, all we do is wish we could just go back to Elementary School.

You got out at 3:00pm everyday, sometimes even earlier!

You didn't have to worry about dressing up for school.

What you wore to school is probably a lot more comfortable than what you wear to work..... unless you're a stripper.

Sometimes your teacher would roll this bad boy in and you got to watch a movie!

If it was someones birthday, you got to have a party!

Even if you didn't like the kid who's birthday it was, you still got to have cake!

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/why-youd-give-anything-to-go-back-to-elementary-s-b1eqWed, 12 Jun 2013 11:19:44 -0400Remember when you were in school all you wished was for the day when you didn&#39;t have to go to school anymore? Now as adults, all we do is wish we could just go back to Elementary School.roccothecomicadult26 Signs You Grew Up In An Italian Householdhttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/you-know-you-grew-up-in-an-italian-house-when-b1eq
if you grew up in an Italian household, this will bring back some memories.

The sight of this struck fear into your heart...

There was a 50/50 chance you were going to find olives in these containers...

You had at least one lady in your family who wore black everywhere even 20 years after someone passed away...

This is the international container for sewing supplies...

]]>https://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/you-know-you-grew-up-in-an-italian-house-when-b1eqThu, 30 May 2013 10:44:41 -0400if you grew up in an Italian household, this will bring back some memories.roccothecomicnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultThis was probably your job....nonadultor thisnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultThe Justin Bieber for Italian ladies.nonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultIn the summer your skin would stick to it and basically rip off when you got upnonadultnonadultnonadultnonadultCommon Candy Crush Reactionshttps://www.buzzfeed.com/roccothecomic/a-day-in-the-life-of-candy-crush-b1eq
Range of reactions that you go through when playing Candy Crush.

When you run out of moves and you were only 1 move away from beating the level