Gentrification at its pretentious best.

Huge Cocaine Ring Exposed: White Night Organisers Involved

First it’s Dinner En Blanc, and now White Night, but Melbourne’s fascination with white has hit a new high with the shocking news overnight of a huge drug ring bust by Victorian Police.

Working with the AFP, Vic Pigs held a press conference this morning to announce one of Australia’s biggest drug busts overnight with 8 arrests and a record haul of cocaine clocking in at over 6 tonnes.

Although Police were initially reluctant to identify any of the people arrested, there’s rumours that many are involved in the organising of the bizarre all-night stare-a-thon, White Night. Some have directly linked the ‘up all night’ component with the selling of cocaine, with drug experts saying that the large crowds would make it easy to obscure street-level coke dealers.

Assistant Police Commissioner, Han Cuffs said that while it was too early to delve into the full details of the still-ongoing investigation, he said off-camera that he would be open to parting with the info if ‘the price was right’. The full statement can be read below:

“Fucking hell! Have a look at all this toot! It’s going to be a ‘white night’ for the evidence boys this Saturday! …… Are we live? ….. ahhh fuckballs. Good Morning, ladies and gentleman. We’re pleased to announce that after months of investigations and extremely thorough police work, we have exposed one of Australia’s largest drug rings. Although we can’t name names at this stage, I can say that we can now prove what we thought all along; that Melbourne’s art community is primarily made up of a bunch of drug-addicted narcissists who are under the mis-held belief that they’re contributing to the cultural identity of this city. I’ve personally tried some of this stuff and can tell you it’s some grade-A shit. To be honest, I haven’t been to bed. Does anyone know where my phone is? I think I left my credit card at 161 last night.”

White Night organisers are yet to make an official statement about the arrests, and it’s still unclear whether there’s any real link with the all-night event. But it’s fairly clear to Boredsheet that the entire operation is set-up to move large amounts of blow with dealers spread amongst the large crowds to sell to anyone looking for a fucking sick time.

Boredsheet have also made enquiries via text to several mates as most of the rack we’d lined up for White Night on Saturday seems to have fallen through.