Sunday, September 4, 2011

TB: Soul of Fire

Pro:“Can we blow up these Wiccan dip shits already? I have a mani pedi at four.” Between Pam and Jessica, these Wiccans don’t stand a chance. Don’t underestimate the power of vampire estrogen. It’s serious business.

Con: “Don’t you get it? This is a Hotel California, baby. You can check in any time you want, but can’t never fucking leave.” Roy needs to sit down and shut up already. Hopefully he’ll become the first casualty of the night.

Pro: Marnie and Antonia are having a disagreement over creative differences. Breaking up is so hard to do.

Con: Lafayette: “Marnie Won.” Jesus: “We’re fucked.”
Marnie 1, Antonia 0.Pro: All: “Fuckin Sookie.” And the word of the night is….Fuck.
It looks like Sookie’s V-Boys are a bit ambivalent on blowing her up, if it means they can gain the upper hand with the Wiccans. I wonder what she would think if she knew this.

Con: So it’s okay to smack around a guy to find the man who killed your brother, but it’s not kosher for Luna to get a little hysterical over her kid getting nabbed by that same a-hole? Calm down already Luna, I’m sure it'll all be okay. Total hypocrisy. Double eye-roll.

Con: Kidnapper, Debbie lovin’, and greasy, Marcus is one great alpha role model.

Pro: “It’s brujo shit, and it’s going to be ugly.” Jesus devises a plan to use the unfortunate dead Wiccan’s body to release Antonia from Marnie.

Pro: Andy: “Don’t go all lost in nature retarded.” I fully admit to talking to myself from time to time, but I’ve never had a full-on two way conversation with myself, that ends in a heated argument.

Con: Damn, I thought we saw the last of the fairys when Claudine got munched on by Eric. I do like the little mix of Crazy-Andy, with even weirder, a pissed off fairy.

Con: Behul “Grrrying” in his best bitchy Queen face, over his spelled Vampire subordinate. Uh, I wish he would just stop already.

Con: The boys take Marnie's wager in killing themselves for the life of their fairy princess. The girls get weepy and I get a little nervous for about ¼ of a second, until I remember that Behul is not that selfless, and Alan Ball would certainly never allow it, even if I was terminal, and the Make a Wish Foundation was handing out wishes like it was Hanukkah or something. Uh, life is so not fair.

Pro: Pam: “The true death to save Bo Peep, I don’t fuckin’ think so.” Pam shuts down the boy’s foolery in the most ostentatious way she can think of. Who knew Pammy was so practiced in using a jumbo sized bazooka. Very nice aim, btw.

Pro: Alcide and Sam bust into Debbie’s love nest, just as she is making plans with greasy half naked.

Pro: Debbie and Alcide’s bedroom might be a bit too small for what this angry group has planned. But that’s not going to stop them of course. 2 points to Alcide for his angry shove to Debbie, as she reaches for her new main squeeze-greasy. Okay, did I miss something, or did Alcide recently take a new job as a fight referee? All he does recently, is stand around making sure no one interferes with the fight going at the time. I wonder how much that pays.

Con: Roy is still alive. That is all

Con: Jesus staring at his bloody finger like it's a fried Twinkie dipped in icing. Ick, somehow I knew he was going to lick it, but I just didn’t think he would go that far. I was so wrong. I hope he doesn't expect Lafayette to kiss that shiz anytime soon.

Con: Jason is in worse shape than when he was gang raped or mauled by Crystal.

Con: Andy and the fairy that attacked him are now getting frisky. Could this get any weirder? Ack. In all my fantasies, I never dreamt of a Andy sexy scene.

Con: RIP Greasy Bohunk. This is so unfair. Just when we were getting to know each other.

Pro:“Debbie Pelt, I abjure you. I see you no longer. I’ll hunt with you no longer. I’ll share flesh with you no longer.” Does this mean he will sex her up no longer? Alcide officially gives Debbie the hand.

Con: Jesus's brojo magic is really painful looking.

Pro: The involuntary magical pull that Marnie releases onto the Vamps, looks more like Elaine, from Seinfeld, breaking out into a impromptu dance routine. It’s mostly funny, but also a little scary.

Pro: Eric: “Get out of my sight before I kill you.” Eric must really be in love, if he is going to threaten his long time child Pam over threatening the fairy princess’s life.

Pro: Jesus makes some funny gas pained faces, rattles off some gibberish, then turns into his brojo devil side, and poof all is well again.

Pro: I don’t think I could have asked for a better ending to what will forever be, a character even more annoying than Tara. RIP Roy. Thank you Eric.

Con: Okay, that ending for Marnie was a bit graphic. I’m not sure if I object to it because it was graphic or because I liked the actress who played her.

Pro: We’re saved from watching Andy and his fairy getting it on, but not from the conversation between him and Arlene, recounting the experience.

Con: We haven’t seen the last of Marnie or Lafayette’s various crazy hairstyles. I just love his relaxed chilling version he wears to bed. It’s so naturale.

Other than some interesting cheesy special effects, this episode was utterly craptastic. I’m sort of glad they decided to cheat us tonight and make this episode less than an hour long. Unfortunately, I won't be able to watch the finale in real time next Sunday. Damn movers are set to jack my tube and take away my other reason for existing. Until then, au revoir.

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