Yes, it’s all fun and games at the local watering hole until a drunken monkey grabs a kitchen knife, threatens bar patrons, scampers onto the roof of the establishment and menacingly waves his blade around before firefighters eventually subdue him.

While perusing the Internet for news on current events, insane comments on those current events and videos of cats playing pingpong, I came upon an attention-grabbing headline: “Head Transplant Performed on Monkey, Surgeon Claims.”

On Jan. 7, the U.S. Department of Agriculture unveiled the 2015-2020 Dietary Guidelines for Americans, a set recommendations “intended to help improve eating habits and, in turn, reduce obesity and prevent chronic diseases such as Type 2 diabetes, hypertension and heart disease,” according t…

It is now 2016, and many readers – perhaps upwards of three or four -- are asking, “Scott, where is your annual list of predictions for the coming year, a throw-away holiday column you somehow manage to produce despite drinking massive quantities of high-octane eggnog and consuming enough sa…

Are you looking for the best in security for your home, business, South African air force base or Indonesian prison island? Then you’ll want to employ a crack squadron of deadly crocodiles, tigers, cheetahs and piranhas to keep the bad guys out – or, if you have an Indonesian prison island, in.

I’m a handy guy who likes to make an extra buck or two on the side. That’s why, in addition to newspaper editing, column writing and debt collecting for the mob, I have decided to start a limousine service to provide the finest in first-class transportation for weddings, bachelorette parties…

Semiconscious readers who aren’t too full of turkey (wild or otherwise) may recall last week’s column, a look at the 2015 Worst Toy List, Part One. It’s a holiday tradition that pretty much locks us into this, a look at the 2015 Worst Toy List, Part Two.

A new brand of jacked-up peanut butter either “delivers protein, electrolytes, and caffeine, granting you hours of endurance and focus, and freeing you from distractions like hunger and fatigue,” as its makers insist, or will likely cause “an array of adverse symptoms like nervousness, incre…

The old min pin rescue and I were heading down the mountain after dropping off the kid, who had cracked up her car in a collision days earlier, at her institution of higher learning where she is not, unfortunately, majoring in auto-body repair.

In the 1973 Southern-fried drive-in classic “White Lightning,” moonshining-ex-con-turned-federal-informant Gator McKlusky , as played by Burt Reynolds, has a tense stare down on a hick-town street with crooked sheriff J.C. Connors, as played by Ned Beatty.

I take letters and emails from readers seriously, and not just because many contain death threats. The correspondence can open a dialogue that helps the journalist better understand the reader and vice versa. Just the other day, I received the following email from a reader we will call Mrs. E:

When news broke that a remake of the 1989 film “Road House” starring Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliott’s mustache was in the works with UFC champion neck-snapper Ronda Rousey taking over for the late, great Swayze and an-as-yet-to-be-named actor recreating Elliott’s mustache, I was immediately …