“You know, I’m glad you came because I have a question. God said to beware of false prophets, right? And that some of them might use the actual word of God against you, right? And he said that some of them might not even be aware of the falseness of their own prophecy right? Well, then, how do you know for sure you’re not it?”

“No, I don’t want to go to heaven, because YOU’RE going to be there.”

“Do I go to church? Do I go to church? Do I…” (start laughing hysterically, as if this were the most absurd thing you’ve ever heard of, and close the door in their face)