ugh. I am so sorry that happened to your son. I almost peed on myself when I was in high school. I was 7 months pregnant and my psychology teacher didn't want to let me go to the bathroom. She said we had just finished lunch and I shoulda went then. (of course I had gone already, but when you have a little head pressing on your bladder, well it's not that easy to hold it as I"m sure you all know!) I held it in until I thought I would explode and then I j ust got up an left.

I can't believe people would be so insensitive to a little boy!!!!!! That really makes me angry, they could have at least helped him by getting him dry clothes or a towel or something. And then to sit him where EVERYONE could see...that is inexcusable. for your ds.

Oh, reading the OP made me cry, I would be horrified if that happened to my little one.

As a former teacher (preschool and kindergarten) I can say that any teacher of children that age worth anything, would- a) have had the kids use the potty before going outside, and b) made sure he got into the building ASAP when he said he needed to go.

It is somewhat unreasonable to think that the children should not have to "ask permission" to use the bathroom, as there will always be children who are just bored and want to go into the bathroom to play. Even if your child is one of those "bathroom play " kids though, that would happen during some boring part of the day, not during outdoor play time.

When you talk to the teacher, I would ask her if there was some thing out of the ordinary in the way that this was handled (was there not an extra assistant out there or something). If not, I would ask if she has any ideas of ways that the door situation could be better handled. I would be certain to explain how embarrassed your son was, and how you were very disappointed that he was not treated with more kindness/ respect/ love in such an embarrassing situation.

I would talk seperately to the nurse herself and find out why in the world she did not find something for your son to change into. I would even offer to contact the PTO to help her keep underpants and sweats in the office for these kinds of emergencies. Sure, you can make sure your child has a change of clothes in his locker, but for other kids, I'd see that there is something available.

Please let us know what the teacher and nurse say when you discuss this with them.

I agree with PP that it is not time to go to the Principal or anything like that, unless the teacher's response is completely inappropriate.

My sister peed her pants in 5th grade, yep 5th grade, because of the teahcer. School had just started and she needed to use the restroom. She asked her teacher who was very upset that she didn't use it before the bell rang for school to start. He told her to put her name on the board. You get your name on the borad if you are ebing bad, then a check after it if you are bad again. etc. The teacher ment for her to put her name on the board and THEN go to the bathroom. But he just said "put your name on the board" so she did, then she sat back down where she was too scared to say anything else. So she peed herself. And 5th graders are not into forgiving situations like that.

I did not mean do not alert the teacher of whereabouts- just the idea that someone else can make the decision whether you have to go BAD enough is crazy to me.
It was a huge problem with me at school.
In first grade the teacher just had us hold up two fingers- and she would nod at us- and we could exit.
I think that is a great idea.
Emilie

The note should stick with the facts without blaming or demanding an appology:

Dear Mrs C,

When my son peed his pants at recess on Tuesday he felt extremely embarassed and uncomfortable. According to him, when children are outside of the school building at recess toilet facilities are not available. This seems like an unacceptable situation. I would like to talk to you in order to find out what the school is planning to do to make sure that children have access to the potty whenever they need it during the day.

Sincerely,

DSs Mom

: I understand keeping the door locked, but why didn't the recess aide go unlock the door for him?

I was another that peed my pants around that age too, and I felt HORRIBLE about it. Poor guy.

Oh my! That's just awful! How is your ds feeling about it today? I hope he's okay. I would be beyond livid. There are obviously some serious problems with the whole situation. I think the issue is definitely with why someone didn't open the door immediately, not as much about why it was locked.

Slightly OT, but I noticed a couple posts about having to send extra clothes to school in case of accidents. We looked a possible art school for dd to attend and the woman made mention of an entire backpack of clothing and shoes. I don't remember this ever when I was little. Is there some sort of a trend going on here? The children can speak, so there shouldn't be any reason for an accident ever if they vocalize their needs to an adult.

Putting your name on the board 'cause you have to "go". Whatever, : Don't they realize how things life this can have a huge impact on a child's life at school with others?

A senior prank in our high school one year was that they super glued all the door locks so no one could get in. I think it was mentioned before, but I have images of the staff bathroom doors suddenly just not opening.

I explained to her, calmly, my concerns about DeVantes particular accident, and she said to me something along the lines of "well, he only knocked for a little while before coming back to me, and while he was coming back to me, someone passed[in the hallway that the door opens to], so he missed his chance. i sent the TA to knock on the window for the kindergarten class when I realized he had wet himself"

I asked her why she didn't send the TA when my son 1st came back, and she said "Well, he didn't knock long enough the 1st time, and to be honest, I think he waited till the very last second" (still didn't answer my question)

I told her that DeVante was very upset, and she said "Well, the really good thing is that no one really saw him after he had the accident-it wasn't a big deal" (way to minimize a 6 year old's feelings!) I explained to her that yes, people did notice, because he had to call out to her that he wet himself, and he was accompanied to the nurses office by a female classmate, and was forced to sit in his own urine for about 20 minutes for everyone to see and smell, and we thought that was a big deal.

The teachers don't have keys! They themselves have to knock on the door to enter the building after recess. I asked what would happen if a child got hurt or there was an emergency and she said they'd use the walkie talkie to have the nurse come out to the child or open the door for the children.

I asked her what we could do to prevent this from happening in the future, to either my son or other children. She says....ready for this?

"Maybe, since he was homeschooled until now he just needs to get used to the routines and customs of being in a class a little better" : This is the same woman who, 3 days ago, told me my son was getting along nicely, is a pleasure, is fully oriented,

She told me that any child walking by the hallway knows to open the door when another child or teacher knocks. : So all someone has to do to gain easy access into the building is knock on a door?!? This is in the kindergarten wing, mind you--so it's not like they'd have the sense to not let an unknown person in the door. When I asked if this was very safe or logical, she just said "Well, it's what all the teachers here are accustomed to"

So, yeah, I'll be talking with someone higher up, because this really is more of a safety issue than I 1st considered, and the teacher was not helpful at all.

Any advice/support? My family (mother and father) are both saying "Oh would you just drop it already"...they never once stood up for me, my issues and feelings and safety were never important enough, and I don't want my son to know what that feels like...so I'd really like only supportive advice from this point on, as I've already made my decision to try and change this stupid policy as well as get an apology from the school nurse.

On the polar opposite of my family is my exDP, who is angrier than I, cursing like a sailor when I called and told him what happened. He wants to go down to the school and demand a meeting with basically everyone and the policy changed NOW. I love it when his daddy instincts kick it.

Thank you all,
Kelly

Kelly, mama (12yoDS), doula, RN, and writer.There's no where you can be that isn't where you were meant to be, its easy

Kelly, I am so sorry that the teacher was so completely un-helpful!!
This is what I don't understand...if they have walkie-talkies to use, why couldn't the teacher have just used that to call someone in the building when your ds said he had to go??!! If I were you, I would address that with the higher-ups when you talk to them. Seems to me that it wouldn't be that big of a deal to enact that policy seeing as they already have the walkie-talkies anyway.
I hope everything gets worked out!
Blessings.

It sure seems like there is a complete lack of respect when it comes to using the bathroom. If they have the walkie talkies, there's no reason for anyone to knock on the doors. They do have them where you can have multiple handsets.

This sounds so awful. To me, her response would have just made me twice as mad. Do not drop this, but now's definitely the time to be calm when talking to the admin, just don't forget to be very firm, but somehow I doubt that will be a problem. Good luck!

Kelly definately do NOT just drop it. The door locking situation is ridiculous. I *hate* the teacher's attitude. If you are going to try to talk to her again maybe start with "Listen, I know you didn't forsee this ending in Devante wetting himself. I'm sure you didn't realize how badly he had to go....." Maybe she will then feel more understood and react less defensively.
Definately speak to the higher ups to change the very dangerous, unsafe and problem causing situation of the way the door is handeled. It needs to be changed.
I would also definately speak to the nurse. Sitting in his own pee?? What if it took you an hour to get there?? He would have a nice burny rash now....!! GRR. How can they have young kids and no change of clothes??

Kelly, your exDP is right. Persue this as far as it takes. The teacher is way out of line here and so is the school nurse. If the principal is incapable of handling this, go up. Oh, this makes me so angry.

Good for you standing up to your son, the teacher doesn't sound like she "gets" this at all.

I would go in to the school, and tell the secretary that you need to speak to the principal about an incident with your son and some safety concerns you have. I would not "make an appointment", I would go in with the attitude of "I will be speaking to the principal now" . I would explain the whole peeing incident, complete with a MAJOR complaint about the nurse's handling of things, and then say, "this incident led me to an even greater concern with the door/recess issue", .

If the principal is busy at that moment, I would tell the secretary that you will wait right there, it is rare that a principal would not be able to take 10 min. to talk with a parent. Good luck mama!

I'm so sorry this happend to your son. I too was the victim of peeing when my teacher would not let me go. I was 7 and I pee'd myself on the playground! What gets me is why the building is locked at all? They don't lock ANY buildings here unless it's before/after school. As for the teacher maybe she doesn't know waht to say. Maybe she was just following the rules set by the school, I don't know. Just let your son know even people on mommy's computer board have pee'd themselves.

Totally unacceptable! At dd's school, the teachers have keys. What's the purpose of locking the building when you lock out the people who should access to the building?
And WTF that he waited too long???? It's so common for kids to wait too long to address their needs when they're having fun outside. That's no excuse.

The mean person in me thinks you should tell your son if he's in that situation again to make it clear he has to pee and his teacher is unhelpful he should tell her he's going to pee on her shoes if she doesn't get off her a$$ and help him. :

Their "policy" seems to be horribly unsafe IMHO. Plus, if they have walkie talkies to access the nurse to open the door, couldn't they just have used them to have someone open it for a kid who needs to pee???

My son just turned 3, but has been using the potty for a while now -- when he is outside at his preschool and has to go REALLY BAD (you know how 3 yr olds never go when they should, they wait til the last minute?), he just whips it out and pees on the ground outside

I swear, though, if he is at a school when he is older and they won't let him go inside, I will tell him to do exactly the same thing he does now! I would rather him get in trouble for peeing outside than get a bladder infection from holding it too long or peeing himself. Serves the school right!

I'm so sorry this happened to your son, how awful! I don't blame you for being upset, I would be livid!
I would definatley write to the principal and superintendant. If they can't help kids to the bathroom during recess, then they need a port a potty out there, darn it.

I swear, though, if he is at a school when he is older and they won't let him go inside, I will tell him to do exactly the same thing he does now! I would rather him get in trouble for peeing outside than get a bladder infection from holding it too long or peeing himself. Serves the school right!

When my DD was 22 months old, I had her "pee on the grass like a kitty cat" on the lawn of a children's clothing consignment store that wouldn't let us use the bathroom. She was newly potty trained and I did not want an accident!

We still do this at parks that don't have bathrooms. I figure that if dogs are allowed to pee anywhere, my Dd can pee there, too. Of course, this wouldn't work at a school, but if the doors were locked, it sure would be tempting!

I think the note pp gave for examply is excellent. Also the teacher should send all of the childrento the bathroom before going to recess...standard practice for anyone who has been a teacher. You might send some extra clotes too just in case for the future. I would write instead of call and make a copy for your records in case something happens again.

and she said "Well, he didn't knock long enough the 1st time, and to be honest, I think he waited till the very last second" (still didn't answer my question)
-it wasn't a big deal"

The teachers don't have keys! They themselves have to knock on the door to enter the building after recess. I asked what would happen if a child got hurt or there was an emergency and she said they'd use the walkie talkie to have the nurse come out to the child or open the door for the children.

I asked her what we could do to prevent this from happening in the future, to either my son or other children. She says....ready for this?

"Maybe, since he was homeschooled until now he just needs to get used to the routines and customs of being in a class a little better" : This is the same woman who, 3 days ago, told me my son was getting along nicely, is a pleasure, is fully oriented,

She told me that any child walking by the hallway knows to open the door when another child or teacher knocks. : So all someone has to do to gain easy access into the building is knock on a door?!? This is in the kindergarten wing, mind you--so it's not like they'd have the sense to not let an unknown person in the door. When I asked if this was very safe or logical, she just said "Well, it's what all the teachers here are accustomed to"

So, yeah, I'll be talking with someone higher up, because this really is more of a safety issue than I 1st considered, and the teacher was not helpful at all.

Any advice/support? my exDP, who is angrier than I, cursing like a sailor when I called and told him what happened. He wants to go down to the school and demand a meeting with basically everyone and the policy changed NOW. I love it when his daddy instincts kick it.

My advice? If you get along with your ex well enough to do a bit of planning and coordinating, go to the meeting with him. Otherwise, make a separate meeting of your own.

How horrible of her to take that "serves him right" attitude! I remember being 6 and wanting to go back in to get my coat and being made to feel that I was being granted a HUGE favor by being allowed to. I felt like crying because I thought they weren't going to let me. I also remember being told to eat my lunch when I didn't feel like it. It turns out that I was sick and I threw up in the carpeted classroom. This isn't something your ds is going to forget. Good for you for standing up for him.

I'm so sad that this happened to your little boy. I would be outraged too, and I'm glad you are taking some action.

As for this thread, I'm shocked at how many adults here had something similar happen to them as children! What possible educational (social or academic) purpose can it serve to NOT ALLOW a child to go to the restroom? I understand that the child needs to tell the teacher where s/he is going, so the children's whereabouts can be accounted for, but to arbitrarily not grant permission is RIDICULOUS. I'm so sorry for all of your experiences too.

This never happened to me in school, but I do remember it happening to one boy in the class. Fortunately, I don't remember other students laughing or making fun of him.