Question

Is there a polite way to stop my friends' hurtful comments about my pregnancy?

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I'm the first of my friends to be pregnant, and they're very supportive and excited for me. However, they don't understand that it's inappropriate to point at my stomach and say things like, 'You're huge!' or 'Should you be that big already?' I know they aren't trying to be hurtful, but their comments make me feel so bad about myself. Is there a polite way to set them on the right track?

I think that you have a lot of great advice to choose from. I am pregnant with my second child and I did hear these comments with my first but I wasn't offended. I did have other comments that did offend me however and most were from strangers. If I had been offended though I would have said something like "I don't know if you are trying to be funny or hurtful but you are definitly succeeding at making me feel bad". This should bring awareness to the fact that it was rude and that the comment did hurt your feelings. When someone has not had the experience of being pregnant they don't know what an emotional rollercoaster we are on and tend to say dumb things because they don't know what to say but want to acknowledge that they see your progress. Unfortunately you are the first in your group to become pregnant so you are going to have to be the one to educate your friends. You will always be the one that your friends turn to when they are pregnant and need advice or a shoulder to cry on. One more thing...it is ok for you to let your friends know what you need from them emotionally right now. Good luck and speak up!! If they have no shame in speaking their mind then you can too!

I hate to say this, but I am so relieved there are others out there getting the same kind of treatment that I've been getting. Now, I'll explain what I meant by that ... I feel horrid for any of us that have been told "you're huge!", "sure it's not twins?", "you look around 7 months along (at 11 weeks)", and my personal favorite, "I'm concerned for you. You just seem so big. Are you sure that you don't have a cyst in there, too?" ... I just don't feel as alone in this area anymore now that I know that I am not the only one out there who goes through this. I often feel like I must look like an elephant. Of course, I want my baby to be healthy and yes, that is the most important thing - but the comments still hurt. I work as a make-up artist in a very upscale area and am plagued-daily!-with these comments.
Thankfully, we will have beautiful children to show for it!
So, here's to all the pregnant woman in the world - happiness, health, sanity and peace!!!

What most people don't understand about fetal development is that if you keep vital nutrients away from the baby they actually have a higher chance of becoming obese in the future. For more info on this check out the book "Survival of the Sickest." But the ultimate message is, babies that are born from wombs that are undernourished have a higher propensity to over eat to compensate for the loss in their development. If you're heavy, (and up to your doctor's standards as such) that's even better than being underweight. Now that's an idea to keep in mind. Best of luck to you and your family!

I don't think people are trying to be hurtful by making these comments. Most are just trying to strike up a conversation (and perhaps take some small part) in your upcoming miracle. However, if you are finding particularly hurtful you could always respond by asking "Are you always this insensitive, or do you just not know how to speak to a pregnant woman?" in a kind, yet firm tone. Most of them will get flustered, some offended. The worst thing that could happen is they won't speak to you for a while, and is that really such a bad thing if they're comments are hurting you? With my first pregnancy I lost 15 pounds in one month due to morning sickness. This concerned myself, my doctor and my family. She threatened to put me in the hospital if I didn't start gaining weight within the week. Luckily, with recommendations and medication from her, I was able to keep some food down and started gaining.
I was never more thrilled than when I started to show at about 5 months. I revelled in every "my, you're getting big" comment that I heard. I'm now pregnant with my second child, and am looking forward to showing even earlier.
God has granted you an amazing gift. The last true miracle we can partake of. Keep that in mind when someone says something that hurts you. As long as you and your doctor are happy with your condition and that of your baby, no one else (and that includes family and friends!) matters. This pregnancy is all about getting your baby ready to join the world. What could be more beautiful than that?

I had the same problem and I told my friends how strangers would make the same hurtful comments to me and how it made me feel so bad. I wasn't directly calling them out on it but they got the picture and stopped. If that doesn't work I like clilla's answer too!

I'm now 37 weeks and some person said I was looking chubby. I just smiled and said yeah I feel like a heffer. It really hurt my feelings though and I had to leave because I was about to cry. Normally if someone said this to me I'd probably say hmm maybe you're right and just shrug my shoulders and not think about it anymore. But it really bothered me this time people just don't know what to say to pregnant women.

I agree with Lucky Mom - say something! People who make comments like this, and don't "realize" it are obviously immature and have no couth. Pregnancy is beautiful, no matter your size. I actually am one of the women who has LOST a ton of weight during my pregnancy due to sickness, but now that I'm 7 months, I look soooo pregnant. I love it! And when someone says "you're getting so big!" I simply say, "I hope you meant that my baby is getting so big, otherwise I'd be offended".

I am 12 weeks along and have gained about 7 pounds so far.
(probably a bit more). I had to shop yesterday for a size up of pants. Some people have commented about my weight gain whether they know I'm pregnant or not. The only thing I keep in mind, as hard as it is that we live in society where people are not taught to be politically correct or the sense of plain good manners. This is a society that feels women should be thin and look like starving drug addicts and they feel that is healthy and sexy. Far from it. My take on it is that if gaining some weight gives me a healthy, normal baby, then so be it. They should be worrying about their own eating habits, (which I'm sure are less than optimal) and keep their comments to themselves.

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