Tuesday, December 11, 2007

UPDATE: Ellen Degeneres

By now, all the children surely know that talk show queen and real estate maven Ellen Degeneres and her horse loving ladee pal Portia Di Rossi recently purchased a freshly built Bev Hills mansion from ridiculously rich and successful Will and Grace co-creator Max Mutchnick and his entertainment attorney huzband Erik Hyman.

Your Mama hears the somewhat secretive purchase was a hot topic in the swanky salons and better brokerages all up and down Sunset Boulevard, at least in part because no real estate agents were used in the transaction. Over the last few weeks, several informants and tipsters have quietly called and contacted Your Mama with all sorts of interesting tidbits from the gossip grapevine.

In addition to the newly built 8,500+ square foot main house, the private and very well secured property above Coldwater Canyon includes a 2,500+ square foot guest house as well as a 5,000 square bunker under–yes children, under–the newly built and miraculously engineered swimming pool that includes a full staff apartment complete with gourmet kitchen, mountain views, and two bathrooms, because, you know, even the staff of the rich and famous prefer not to share terlits. Your Mama understands there is also a full gym down there with another bathroom and an 8-car underground garage for all of Ellen's four wheeled Porsches. The two-legged Portia stays up in the main house we presume.

It was confirmed by a well placed source that although krazy Spice Gurl Victoria Beckham and her hot bodied ball kicking huzband did indeed tour the Mutchnick/Hyman property during their extensive and exhaustive home search earlier in the year, the house was not for actually for sale. However, what Ellen wants, Ellen gets. And let's face it children, money talks.

This is how Your Mama heard it all came down: Although they are not close friends, Mister Mutchnick and and Miz D. run in the same high powered homosexual Hollywood circle. So one night the gurls came over for a casual dinner with the boys and a tour of the freshly done house. Ellen apparently went wild with desire and even before a perfectly grilled piece of meat appeared on the meticulously set table, the determined Miz D. made an offer fit for a couple of queens. Haggling ensued. Attorneys were called. Ms. Mutchnick wanted to see three in front of the number because she likes her cashmere. However, the foursome settled on a purchase price of just over $29,000,000, with no brokers fee. That's 31.8 million clams to you and me kids. As was reported in the Wall Street Journal, the deal included just about every damn thing in the house but the gentlemen'sHelmut Lang suits and Paul Smith toothbrushes.

Since the power lezbeeuns have decamped from their Zorada Drivecompound and moved up into the Hills of Beverly, they have taken great pains to ensure their privacy and security. Your Mama hears that Miz D. had dozens of additional security cameras installed, not to mention seven day a week armed guards on the premises. Miss Thing takes her privacy very seriously puppies, so don't even think about driving your beat up Ty-o-tahs up Cabrillo Drive without expecting a serious beat down from a 300 pound slab of beef with a mustache and a damn pistol.As anyone who follows the constant churning of Miz D.'s real estate portfolio knows, the lezbeeunladee loves a compound. Although we have been unable to confirm with property records, Your Mama hears from two very reliable sources that Ellen and Portia did indeed buy the house next door (shown above and at bottom of photo at top) from celebrity real estate agent Jade Mills and her huzband Adam. Once leased by East Coast based Jerry and Jessica Sienfeld at more than $25,000 per month, the house measures 4,580 square feet with 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. No word on what the gurls have planned for the property. Another guest house? More quarters for staff? Tennis court?

Your Mama suspects that we'll see Miz D. and Portia DiR. buy up a third house on the street which would then allow the privacy nuts to apply for permission to gate a significant portion of the street, an almost unheard of situation in Bev Hills. Don't laugh kids, it could happen. As we already know, when it comes to real estate, Miz D. possesses alarmingly deep pockets and she does not like to take "no" for an answer.

In other Ellen real estate news, the lovely Christina S. N. Lewis at the Wall Street Journal reports that Miz D. recently accepted $20,000,000 for her Montecito hideaway that had been listed at $24,000,000. The sale price sounds like a huge concession until Your Mama reminds the children that she paid $15,750,000 for the property just one year ago. Behatcha knows how to flip that high end real estate, don't she?

I might have answered part of my own question, Zillow lists a 1963 house on the lot and the house across the street as 1964. Does anyone know if Mutchnick-Hyman tore down the 1963 house or renovated?

From the aerial maps, it looks like the lezbeans can gate the street right now (with city permission of course) with just the two houses. Buying the 3rd house would allow for a long winding drive along the back of the properties facing Coldwater Canyon but it is doable now.

An insane amount of money for a damn house but at least this one is refurbished and hip, whereas comparably (over)priced white elephants currently languishing on the market in Bev Hills and Bel Air won't sell in their outdated condition without significant price reductions.

It wasn't a complete tear down but there were major, MAJOR renovations. And Momma, the garage is not 8 car, its 4 at most and that's with tandem parking. I don't think the bunker is large enough to house 2 bedrooms unless it was re-configured since last Dec. when I was there. Half of it was housing electric and pool equipment then.

Dahlings, it is a renovated Buff & Hensman on the right side of Beverly Hills. I loved that house and I loved the views. I'm thrilled that someone with Ellen's taste has bought it. Many happy years to you dahling...oh and buy that third house and gate the street, that would be fabulous!

if anyone from real estalker is reading this, i found the second cabrillo drive house ellen bought. at jade mills website under "listing" it's the first house on the 16th page. ellen isn't living in that house, but she did buy it. don't know if that's good info, but that's all i came across and i thought maybe someone might be interested. :)

speaking of hard ons, both my husband Heather Po and our new BFF Coleman Lafoon are very interested in opening that garage enclosing the Portia and taking a nice long ride.

you can just tell she corners well!

i'd ask Papa Dick to join but since even a movie theater microwave has to be avoided because of the possibility of short circuiting his Army-issue defibrillator, one look at the Portia's high beams could spell c-u-r-t-a-i-n-s.

speaking of hard ons, both my husband Heather Po and our new BFF Coleman Lafoon are very interested in opening that garage enclosing the Portia and taking a nice long ride.

you can just tell she corners well!

i'd ask Papa Dick to join but since even a movie theater microwave has to be avoided because of the possibility of short circuiting his Army-issue defibrillator, one look at the Portia's high beams could spell c-u-r-t-a-i-n-s.

H*ll, Sister Mary, if that is all it would take I'm for starting a collection to hire a big breasted *adult actress* to shove her high beams in his face. If that didn't short his defibrillator, she could always smother him with them.