Ellis: Escaping from the liberal influence

Jan. 5, 2013

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Maybe you heard: The Minnehaha County Republican Party, which is based in Lincoln County, voted to hold its own legislative coffees during the legislative session.

The GOP has scheduled its coffees so they coincide with the coffees sponsored by the Sioux Falls Area Chamber of Commerce, which the Minnehaha County GOP outed as a communist front group last week. Over the years, the Chamber coffees have been moderated by the League of Women Voters. The leadership of the Minnehaha County GOP apparently thinks the League is plotting to overthrow the Republic and establish a federal government run by the EPA.

A nefarious liberal cabal, here in red state South Dakota, has been unearthed.

The Minnehaha County GOP thought people attending the Chamber coffees last year were ACLU, Planned Parenthood and union types. What’s more, they asked really mean questions. Questions like, “What do you intend to do about education funding?”

So to escape this blatant liberal bias, the Minnehaha County GOP will have its own coffees, for its own legislators, where conservatives will be able to ask lawmakers conservative questions, because, apparently, their questions weren’t ever selected by the Bolshevik League of Women moderators.

The first coffee is Jan. 26. Let’s take a look at the crystal ball to see how it might go down.

County Chairwoman Lora Hubbel welcomes the crowd of 14 people. Hubbel helped create the conservative legislative coffees because when she was a lawmaker speaking at the Chamber coffees last year, people sometimes laughed at her. And she always worried about catching left-wing cooties.

“Welcome,” she says to the crowd. “Let’s start with a prayer.”

The prayer is long, and it includes references to “Barack Hussein Obama” and a request that the Lord God Almighty reveal the Muslim pretender to the American people, and oh, while He’s at it, could He please smite Obamacare, but if he can’t do that, then at least allow equal access for chiropractors.

Next comes the Pledge of Allegiance, which gets really, really loud when the “under God” part comes.

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Next, the national anthem.

Next, “America the Beautiful.”

With the singing done, it’s time to get this legislative chat under way. But first Hubbel asks the crowd, which now has grown by a couple more people, whether any are hedonists. She explains that a hedonist is somebody who seeks pleasure above all other values.

Hubbel introduces the Republican lawmakers. Turns out there’s only one. All the others are participating or watching the coffee sponsored by the Chamber of Commerce.

“Manny Steele was elected to his fourth term in the House in November,” Hubbel says. “He is turning 73 in a few days, and he’s one of our great champions in the Legislature. He represents District 12.”

Manny waves and says hi. He knows all the people in the room really well. The conservative vanguard is a tight-knit community. These people here? These people are the tip of the spear in the fight to reclaim America for its rightful heirs, which don’t include hedonists or humanists.

Or, as Manny starts his talk, “illegal aliens.”

South Dakota, he explains, has an illegal immigration problem. And if we here, smack in the middle of the country, have a problem, imagine the problem they have closer to the border. No, he says, not Canada. You know the one. So Manny explains that to rid South Dakota of its problem, local law enforcement officers need the ability to roust them out.

And if the nation follows this plan, there’s the potential for great economic development. Imagine the number of boxcars that would need to be manufactured and the thousands of miles of new train track needed to transport 12 million illegal aliens, he says. Still, he adds, we might need to call on Chinese laborers — like we did 150 years ago — to help out with the new rail lines.

Next, Shariah law. As you all know, he says, Muslim fundamentalists are on the march, and they are preparing to establish Shariah law in every borough of America. First New York City, then Sioux Falls, then Alcester. We’re going to put a stop to that right now.

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He asks for questions.

“How do you plan to stop Obamacare?” asks one.

“We’ll stop it,” he says.

Here, Hubbel interjects. “The governor has said the state won’t set up the insurance exchanges. But we all know he’s secretly working to implement ObamaDaugaardcare.”

Manny often gets questions about topics over which state government has little to no input. The Second Amendment is one of those. That’s a topic for the federal government. But Manny tells the crowd that he doesn’t support restrictions on gun ownership. And in fact, he plans to vote for a resolution asking Congress to leave gun laws alone. But, he adds, in case the weighty South Dakota resolution fails to influence the loons from San Francisco, you’d better start burying your guns, because FEMA is coming to take them.

They talk about abortion, they talk about whether marijuana smokers should get the death penalty or life in prison. At some point they shut it down with another Pledge of Allegiance.

Education funding never comes up. But all those Republicans who went to the communist Chamber coffee, yeah, they had to answer those questions.