Eddie was turning a hundred. What a fuss the local paper was making! The oldest anyone had ever lived in the town before was eighty-two. At least, that was “in living memory” which up until then was eighty-two! Now “in living memory” was ninety-nine and heading for a hundred.

Eddie was not liking all the fuss. “They’re going to ask for the secret of longevity,” said Eddie. “How the hell would I know?”

The interview began.

“What is the secret of longevity?” asked the journalist.

“I’ve always kept my ears free from wax,” said Eddie. “I believe that is the thing that keeps me young. Young people these days don’t clean their ears. That’s why there are so many road accidents.”

“How are you going to spend the big day?”

“I’m going to get up and clean the wax out of my ears,” said Eddie. “Young people these days don’t clean their ears. That’s why there are so many road accidents.”

“Finally,” said the journalist, realising it was all pretty much a waste of time, “are your family coming for the occasion?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” said Eddie. “I’ll have to get some extra cotton buds. We don’t want them having road accidents.”

The journalist departed.

“I think you managed to avoid getting an article in the paper,” said Mary, Eddie’s wife.