Wednesday, July 29, 2009

It's true. I completely forgot that today was Jim and my 3rd wedding anniversary. It was actually around this time (4:24 pm) three years ago that I was making my way down the aisle to the hottest man on earth. He's the father of my beautiful son. He's funny. He's faithful. He's an incredible teacher. He's passionate. He's mine. And he's fabulous.

I love you, my Babel*. With all of my heart.

The summer we fell in love (working at Awanita Camp)

In college. I broke Jim's thumb as we were swing dancing... good story.

Jim's ordination service

Wedding invites!

Honeymoonin'

Full circle, right?! Awesome.

*Babel:personal pronoun - Sara's weird nickname for Jim, having nothing whatsoever to do with the Tower of Babel.

Friday, July 24, 2009

7:40 pm - Finished last feeding for the "day". Took James to Kyoto Express for dinner with Uncle Andy. When we took him out of his car seat back home, he was pretty fussy for next hour or so. Did belly roll-ups* (thank you, Mary Kury!) and got rid of some trapped gas. Felt better and snoozed in his bouncy chair.

10:30 pm - Finished next feeding as Jim and I watched When Harry Met Sally. Covered James' ears during the famous diner scene. Pause movie. After burps and clean diaper, I put him to sleep in his crib.

11:12 pm - Crying. What are we going to do? His next feeding shouldn't be until around 1 am. Listened to him for a couple minutes to see if it was just "getting comfortable oochy" cries. Wasn't. Went and got him to snuggle for a little bit. (Here's the rub: We don't want to put him in his crib asleep all the time, so we try to just get him a little comfortable).

11:25 pm - Crying. What's wrong, James? Daddy Executive Decision = let's just put him in his bouncy seat until we finish the movie. Good call, Daddy. Nothing wrong with James, just wants to hang out with us. (Time out is gonna work on this kid.) Bouncy seat it is.

12:00 am - Finish movie. I'm almost asleep on the couch. Mama Executive Decision = I'll just sleep here until he wakes up at 1:00.

3:25 am (!!!) - James wakes up to eat! What?! Almost 5 hours since your last feeding, you little hero of mine!! James and I have a special, sweet moment basking in the glow of TV snow. Burp, clean drawers, Mama crawls into bed with a waiting-for-Christmas-morning anticipation, "Maybe he'll sleep until 8 or 9!" A little premature, Mama...

Monday, July 20, 2009

Sunday, July 19, 2009

I have fuzzy memories of approaching my Momma or Daddy and throwing my arms up in the air, wanting to be held - like this:

And they would hold me. And I'm so thankful they did. Before I knew to throw up my arms, I only knew to cry. Jim and I are slowly learning to discern James' different cries in order to meet his needs. If we know that he has a clean diaper, has just eaten, burped and has had some good farts, is not hot or cold, etc., etc., another option is that he just wants to be held. He wants to be close, to smell us, hear our hearts, feel the warmth of our bodies, know of our nearness.

We're a little tired of all the different schools of thought - Babywise, Dr. Sears, attachment parenting, "let 'em cry it out", blah, blah, blah, ad nauseam... Yes, they all have certain wisdom that we can glean, but when it comes down to it, we also have instincts that are God-given.

Here's my point: Another context in which you see a person in that "arms up" position is in prayer and supplication.

And lest you think it's only in charismatic-y, trendy, non-denominational worship:

(kinda... you get the idea :)

I'm so glad that God doesn't respond to our lifted hands with, "Oooo.... yea... you're gonna need to learn how to self-soothe..." Instead, He gives us comfort. In fact, He gives us a Comforter. Again, I know this only goes so far and of course there's a place for structure and scheduling. And when it comes to "It's time to go to bed and that's it, James...", that's a different story. But sheesh, if my child is crying, I refuse to feel bad for picking him up!

FYI: It was Benjamin Franklin that said, "God helps those who help themselves," not scripture.

"I stretch out my hands to You. My soul thirsts for you like a parched land." Psalm 143:6

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Thats about how many hours James has been outside of my womb. I have not lamented once that he is no longer in my belly. I know that some mothers have that sadness but their babies obviously aren't as cute as mine. (of course I'm kidding ;) Allow me to elaborate.

Right now I can see our beautiful boy past the edge of the laptop. He's sleeping in his bouncy seat with his hands delicately poised in mid air. His tiny foot is peeking out from under the blanket from earlier ooching*.

His lips and chin are my new Achilles heel. I can almost stand him crying until his chin begins to quiver. At that point, he could ask me for just about anything and it would be his. Good thing he can't speak yet...

Even his breathing is lovely. Little short breaths with a snort here and there. And every once in a while a perky little mouse squeak. Oh, but if you're really lucky, you'll hear The Sigh. The Sigh of contentment that reminds us all that "I-just-eat-sweet-mookie*-and-then-fall-into-a-coma-and-people-change-my-diaper".

Oh, wow. And just this moment, all of that peace was so rudely ruptured by an INCREDIBLY loud gastro-explosion. Seriously, I can't believe that this small human can actually compete with his father at champion cheese-cutting. But now of course, the sleep is even deeper...

He's so my favorite.

* ooch: v. to make nestling, snuggly movements to either (a.) get comfortable (b.) pass gas (c.) make your mom go bonkers over how cute you are

When I told my brother, Mikey, that I was pregnant he was giddy and kept saying over and over again, "Whoa, this changes everything!". I had no idea then how right he was. Change is good, though. Real good.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Wow. I feel like I've been picked up, thrown down, yelled at, and in the midst of everything fallen head over heels in love. What a weird, nutty roller coaster.

So here we go:

Labor and delivery were a blast. I did it sans drugs, but that doesn't matter. I'd definitely recommend Bradley Birth to anyone. Plus, God knew what I could handle.

The first day and a half of James' life in the hospital are a fuzzy dream. I remember bits and pieces and people that came to visit, but the clearest memory is obviously my son. Taking him all in. Studying his face, his fingers, toes, ears, hair, chin (oh, the chin...). I don't even remember nursing him that much. I just remember the sweet closeness that it brought. I also wouldn't say it was an immediate and complete bond at first sight, but more of a gradual ache that grew in the pit of my belly; a brand new, different kind of love. That beautiful ache grows every time I look at him.

The first night was restless to say the least. I tried not to check for his breathing every 4 minutes, and eventually my exhaustion took over. He slept and ate rhythmically the first few nights but then reality set in.

Nursing has been by far the hardest part for me. By the time he was 8 days old, I had already developed an infection. I got an antibiotic which has helped tremendously, but it's still pretty painful. Everyone keeps saying that it will get better - and it has already - but, honestly, I'm just ready for it to be "easy".

Now, the newest thing is James' lower gas pains [ yes this is what my blog has become :) ] After feedings, he'll burp just fine, fall asleep, and then 10-15 minutes later, urgent, high-pitched cries fill our small home. I actually don't mind the crying - but I do mind his pain. It's also cutting into his sleep time, which is no fun for anyone. We've started to try gripe water today and if that doesn't work, we may try Mylicon drops. Any suggestions are definitely welcome.

This probably sounds like a sob-post, and maybe it is a little. I won't lie and say that the baby blues haven't overwhelmed me at some points. I never knew it would be this hard. And we even have TONS of amazing, excellent help. Our parents and friends have been around right when we need them. I know that we have so much to be to be thankful for: a great labor and delivery experience, a healthy baby and mama, incredible support... I just have to be honest about what's difficult. And this is difficult.

But when it all comes down to it, I couldn't ever in a million years want to give him back or do anything differently. I love him so, so much - gassy tummy and all.

I am a homemaker, married to a handsome-brave-and-strong-pastor man who works extremely hard every single day. This blog is dedicated to illuminating the funnies, the sadnesses, and the adventures of our life in light of God's overwhelming grace. I'm in love with my Savior, the Redeemer of my soul and want so desperately to be more like Him. I am abnormally happy in my little life and love to do silly, useless things like write on blogs.