As many of you know I just recently made a quick trip home for the holiday. As I hadn't been back in three years I was so excited at the prospect of seeing family and friends, especially the little ones that I hadn't got to meet yet except in the occasional emailed picture from their proud parents. As excited as I was to be going part of me was sad as well for it was the first Thanksgiving away from my son. But as he keeps reminding me he is somewhat a grown man now and would be fine home alone. So mom and I pulled out early last Wednesday morning, heading for the turnpike only to hit the rains. The never ending rains that followed us every mile, slowing us down, covering my windshield with the murky muddy water being slung at me from the truckers mud flaps. We finally ran out of the rain just past the Texas line. By then it was quite dark and getting colder by the minute. The warm fire at my aunt and uncles house was as welcome to us as they were. Sitting there in their dining room the memories came flooding back to me. When they first built their "farm house" we lived in it and took care of their farm. Most of my Junior and Senior years of school were spent in that very house, so each room has special memories of holidays and years gone by. But things were different now. As I would find throughout the following days. Friends and neighbors I used to know, all moved away or dead now. Children that once climbed on my lap and offered hugs for candy, all well above those sweet childish ways. As we drove past the home that my mother and stepfather lived in for nearly 20 years we both fought the tears back, not only at his passing in 1997, but also at the sight of the once beautiful home, with the siding now busted and junk cars parked all over the once manicured lawn. My old high school, well it is now the Jr. High. The High School is on the other side of town now. Progress I know, but hard for a homecoming. The rains found us yet again, each day drearier than the one before. The only sunshine to be found in the smiles of family members, happy to see us again. We drove by the now bare lot that once held what was supposed to be “our home” The house that my ex fiance’s parents were going to buy us for a wedding present, now as empty as the wedding that never happened. The days seemed to fly by in whirlwind. Each running quickly into the next and it was the weekend before I knew it. We had just sat down to dinner when my cell phone rang, grabbing it quickly from my purse I saw the call was from my boss and couldn't imagine what she could possibly want at that time of night and from over 500 miles away. That call changed the mood of us all. It seems that my best friend's grand daughters were driving home from visiting their father Friday afternoon when an Illinois State Hwy Patrol officer on his way to an accident lost control of his squad car, crossed the median and slammed into the girls' car head on causing their small compact car to explode on impact. Both girls were killed instantly. A beautiful 18 yr old in her first year of college for public relations (cos as she always put it "I'm a people person!") and her equally beautiful 13 yr old little sister, the one who loved being a cheerleader so she could cheer on the teams and lift people's spirits. My boss wanted to know if I was going to be back in the office Monday as I would need to cover for this woman who lost her grandchildren. We were both crying uncontrollably as we hung up the phones and all I could think of is how much I wanted to hear my "man/boy" on the phone, that very minute. But I knew he was at work and that was impossible. The hours crept by so slowly until he called me that night to let me know that he was home and safe and sound. I’m not sure how many times I told him I loved him but it must have been quite a few as he finally asked me what was going on. When I told him what had happened to my friends grand daughter’s and that I just wanted to make sure he knew I loved him, he said again “I love you too, mom”. Just those few moments on the phone hearing him safe and sound made me feel so much better. I decided then and there that the location of “home” didn’t matter nearly as much as the people with you wherever home might be. While Texas will always feel like home to me, my “home” now was wherever my son was. And even though the rains continued to follow my car on the long trip home Sunday, the soft yellow glow of our porch light warmed my heart when my son opened the door to welcome me home.

Stormy I am so sorry for your friends loss but at the same time I am happy for you that your son knows how much you love him and how much he loves you. Your story brought tears to my eyes. The reason being that I just found out day before yesterday that my oldest son that now lives in Florida is coming home to Indiana the 21st,22nd and 23rd of December to pick his kids up to go back to florida with him. There is no possible way that I can get to Indiana to see him. It's been almost a year since I have seen him or my Grandkids. The really bad part is the fact that he will be driving within about 20 miles of where I live and can't even take an hour or even a few minutes to stop in and see me. I guess that tells me where dear old dad stands with him huh? I've seen him and the Grandkids once for about 2 hours in the past 4 years. I guess it will be another 4 years before I see him again. I guess what I'm trying to say is show them how much you love them while they are there with you because who knows how long it will be in between times after they are grown and on their own.

LBS I am so sorry to hear about your friend and co-workers grandchildren!! I can't imagine, and to lose two at one time, how devastating for the parents, grandparents and relatives. May God hold them close!!

Stormy, I am so sorry about the loss of your friends grand daughters. What a terrible thing to go through... My prayers go out for her, although honestly I don't know what to ask for .Other than God to help her through this tragedy as gently as He can. I can not begin to imagine how badly her heart is broken.I understand the need to hear your sons voice. I've done that with my daughter. Isn't it strange how they are not involved but yet we just need to hear that they are fine.. That extra I love you , just in case....With this being your best friend my prayers also go out for you.....

I'm so sorry LBS! I can understand about going home..I moved away over 20 yrs ago and I mourn the loss of what once was also...I'm so sorry for the loss of those two young beautiful lives.. And yes you have the heart to call your child and hear his voice. I call mom just to hear her voice and say I Love you

ladybootscooter

Nov 27 @ 11:53PM

You know it made me put a lot of things into the proper perspective. It didn't seem to matter as much that when I got home my son had been smoking in the house. (a big no-no!) or that he had gotten a tattoo while left home alone. Just to see him safe and well, just to give him a big hug was all that mattered. I know that my friend and her family are gonna need a long time to heal the pain they are feeling now. As I told some of you, my friend (the grandmother) lost her mother just three weeks ago, the girls' mother lost her mother at Christmas time years ago to MS and now to lose two of her children at Thanksgiving. As she put it so succinctly, "Don't tell me they're happy fucking holidays". Tell those you love how you feel every chance you get, it just might be your last chance.