Did You Just Call Me a Strut?

Lots of people have songs for their relationships. For Rex and me, it's anything by Tim McGraw. I might have grown up in L.A., but there's something about the simplicity of country music that makes me happy. Let the internet speed along its DSL light speed high wire. When I'm in the car, I might be driving to preschool or the grocery store physically, but in my head, "I want to sit where the green grass grows... watch that corn pop up in rows... every night get tucked in close to you..." That'd be you, Rex.

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One of the most vivid memories of my wedding is our first dance, set to Tim McGraw and his wife, Faith Hill's, ballad. "It's Your Love." We used this verse for our wedding invitations. "Better than I was, more than I am, and all of this happened, by taking your hand...And who I am now, is who I wanted to be, and now that we're together, I'm stronger than ever, I'm happy and free..."

It's hard to not picture Tim and Faith having this perfect life. But I can bet quicker than I'll give up Diet Coke that they fight about the same things we do. Maybe on a slightly larger scale, but the same stuff.

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Tim:

Faith: "You think your billion concert is more important than the girls' Open House?"

Tim: "Look, I'll leave you a couple million to re-do the tour bus while I'm gone."

Faith: "I make my own money! What I want is for you to be home at the mansion! (Beat) And tell that buddy of yours, Kenny Chesney, to find somewhere else to hang out. Maybe he can get married and divorced again this weekend for kicks and giggles."

Tim: "That was low."

Faith: "So are his pants. And why are they so tight?"

Tim: "Why are you looking at his pants? I don't want to see you looking at his PANTS."

Faith: "You won't have to. You'll be out of town."

And loop-dee-dee-loop, they're back at square 1 again.

Often, in the bell jar of a cross road, I've wanted to give up. Not leave my marriage permanently. But take a voyage away from the incessant irritations that domestic life can bring. The food – the dishes – the same-ol same-ol same-ol that is so necessary in raising a family, but such a buzz kill for romance. At boiling point, a weekend tour with Tim McGraw sounds pretty good. I'd consider Kenny Chesney, but the dude is so small. I'd squash him like a bug.

Thanks to Don Henley's The End of the Innocence, I now have a theme song – dare I say a strut – for the marital stand stills. I don't know what made my heart lighter – the fact that I scored it for $2.99 at my local Salvation Army, or the sheer soulfulness of his lyrics. The man is a brilliant wordsmith. I never want to meet him, because I'm sure the reality of him is far less exciting than the polished artist that speaks to my heart.

What are you gonna do about it?

Either will I, Don. But what about when you're scared?

Wow, Don. Great question. I don't know...I... What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Okay.

NOTE: There will be a short break in the current programming while lame writer gets Don

And... we're back!

I don't know where all of you stand in your relationships, but I do know that there are so many choices. Everyone does the best that they can. As for me...

Lucky for me, Rex does give a damn, and I for him. Why? After all these years together, we can only quote Tim and Faith once more, "It's your love."