Toilet Roll
MiddlesAre the
cardboard centres of toilet rolls bigger than they used
to be, and if so, Why?

In the
middle of a roll of toilet paper / bathroom tissue, there
is a cardboard cylinder which gives the roll some
strength and allows it to be fitted comfortably on a
toilet roll holder. There is traditionally plenty of room
between the diameter of a toilet roll holder and the
larger diameter of a toilet roll centre, so is there any
good reason for cardboard toilet roll middles to have got
bigger?!

Most people
buy toilet paper for the purpose for which it is intended,
and the soft tissue is designed for that use. The fact
that you get a free cardboard tube is a mere bonus, and
any applications it might have are secondary to the main
reason for buying the toilet roll in the first place.

Therefore,
the tendency to have toilet rolls whose middles are
larger, meaning that you get less toilet paper and more
middle, could reasonably be argued not to be in favour of
the customer. Many people who buy toilet rolls, and whose
imagination and time is more limited than the viewers of
Blue Peter, might be at a loss as to what to do with the
enlarged toilet roll middle, whereas the extra paper
which it has replaces might in some situations be much
more welcome.

From the
toilet roll manufacturer's perspective, surely the heavy-duty
larger cardboard middle must cost more, and yet it adds
very little value to the actual product, and may make the
packaging of the paper less efficient.

So, the
mystery is: Why are toilet roll middles bigger than they
used to be? Or, is it some illusion? Maybe it varies from
one brand of paper to another?

I can't help
having this heretical cynical thought that just perhaps,
some clever marketing person has suggested "Let's
make the toilet roll middle bigger! Customers won't
notice, and we'll be able to make the roll look bigger
while actually having less toilet paper on it!", and
then some other clever marketing person at the meeting (because
they're always at meetings, these clever marketing people,
you know) has said "Of course! Brilliant! We'll sell
more toilet rolls which look like they've got more paper
on them, when really, they haven't!" and then
someone from the engineering department says "We'll
save 9ft of paper per roll, and that will easily cover
the cost of the extra structural strength required for
the bigger middle" and finally someone summarises
the situation saying "Most of our customers won't
notice the size of the middle. In fact most of our
customers don't know their arse from their elbow, in fact,
why don't we call it Elbow Wiping Paper
and see if that sells?". This last suggestion is
mercifully declined, but the idea about the larger
middles is accepted as "an improvement", and
someone wins an award for their contribution to society,
industry, and marketing.

Now let's
think about this: Are people really that daft?! Surely
those big toilet roll middles stand out as noticeably
larger, and it starts to ring alarm bells similar to the ninety-nine
pence , and far
from saving costs it actually wastes money on a heavier
cardboard middle at the expense of the actual product,
the soft paper.

Well if
toilet paper was being sold on price
comparison sites, the
marketing ploy might work. If the toilet rolls were rated
by outside diameter only, ignoring the inside diameter,
people really would think they were getting better value
for money, when in fact they weren't.

Really
though, people aren't so soft, unlike the paper.

Plus, as
people buy a lot of toilet paper on an ongoing basis, it
would surely make more sense for the toilet paper
manufacturing companies to generate good PR by seeming to
be more generous, rather than less? It's true; you
probably eat a different meal every day, and you most
likely watch different television programmes each night,
and yet when you go to the toilet you're probably using
the same make of toilet paper from one month to the next.
Such loyalty should be rewarded, don't you think?

If you
wanted to do an objective experimental test between
different types of toilet paper, you could find out which
last longer by buying a batch of each and seeing how long
it lasts under normal use, and then consider that
alongside the price. By comparing different makes that
way, there would be results. In effect it would be: [this
brand] costs [this much] per month, whereas [that brand]
costs [that much] per month, etc.

However, in
terms of comparing the quality of different types of
toilet paper, it is very much a personal choice, and
quite subjective. It can't be measured by an objective
test. No-one can really tell you which is best, and you
have to try them yourself and make a subjective choice.

You may have
a closer appreciation of the issue of toilet roll middles
if you keep Gerbils,
as the increased size of toilet roll middles tends to
imply an increase in the calibre of gerbils! Can you
smell an increased
calibre gerbil?