This year I decided to do something a little different to honor Veteran’s Day. My long-time followers (hi both of you!) might already know that I generally honor Veteran’s Day with humor; I figured a playful little set of Soldier: 76 Play of the Games from Overwatch would be a fun way to celebrate this year.

And as always, my fellows who are serving, have served, and may serve in the future: There is no greater honor than knowing you are out there on watch.

What? Did you think I’d forgotten about Veteran Day this year? Of course not…but just like real service members, I also had to work on Veteran’s Day. And so I didn’t meet my deadline to get this post finished before 8:00am.

The wife and I decided to make a couple comics instead just the usual photo post of military memes. We hope you enjoy them. Also happy 241st to my USMC brethren.

It’s that time again folks. Time to celebrate the fine folks who put their lives on the line to protect this country. So while your kids are home from school today you can–oh, right, Veteran’s Day still has school. Well, regardless, why not gather your kids up (or buddies if you don’t have any kids) and regale them in stories of military exploits. If not your own, then perhaps somebody else’s?

For those of you who might remember, this past July my Great Grandfather died. He was a Veteran of World War II. So this year, instead of just a handful of loose pictures formed into a Photopost, I figured I’d tell you a story he once told me. The story of how he enlisted in the U.S. Army.

You see my Grandfather was never a wealthy man. He worked the family farm and also worked in the mines to make ends meet. One day he went to the bank and deposited his life Savings…$19.

About a week later he was in the store and came upon a realization: He was doing pretty well for himself. He owned a home, he had money in the bank, and he had a family back home. So he decided to buy a newspaper. The front page said something about a big crash, but he didn’t know what kind of vehicle a ‘Stock Market’ was.

That’s right…my Grandfather invested his life savings a week before the stock markets crashed causing the Great Depression to begin. He lost everything he had saved in the crash, all nineteen dollaridoos.

Needless to say he decided that newspapers were bad news, had nothing but bad news in them. So a few years passed and he was working in the mines for a dollar a day and then working the farm to try to feed his family. He heard a rumor that the Army was paying twice that…two dollars a day!

So he drove in town and signed up for a tour of duty with the Army. He was on the bus down to Basic Training when he got into a conversation with a fellow recruit and said why he had joined. He was puzzled by the other recruits response, “Wait…you didn’t hear about what happened in Hawaii?”

“Hawaii? What happened.”

“The Japanese bombed us…we declare war on them in December. We’re at war.”

Now he was a lucky man in that he made it home unscathed. From that point on he decided to keep a little bit better track of the news before making any life decisions.

I’m sure after a few years of this you all know the drill. Marine Corps Birthday/Anniversary followed by…Veteran’s Day. As is usual, we have a Photopost today. But first, a little something to think about when you’re cheering at a parade or listening to some guy with more stars on his shoulders than brains under his cap give a speech: We are, legally and technically, a secular nation. We have, codified in our laws, procedures that prohibit the favoring of any religion. As such, we shouldn’t have any religious holidays be national holidays. But consider this…

December 25th, an arbitrary day picked to celebrate the birth of Christ by ancient Romans. There will be no mail sent or received that day.

November 11th, a symbolic day chosen to mourn those lost during the seminal tragedy of the last century, WWI, and a celebration of our soldiers and sailors who served nobly in the armed services. Mail will be picked up and delivered on this day.

Consider that, on Christmas a soldier can’t get his paycheck mailed to him. But he can on Veteran’s day. And how many of you are taking a day off to celebrate the soldiers who protect you from evil, as compared to how many of you will be taking Christmas day off to celebrate a fat man putting overpriced knick-knacks under an aluminum tree?

Priorities. We, as a nation, need to try to get some.

So without further ado…funny stuff:

What? Gotta have somethin’ to do to keep yourself occupied on those long flights.

This is what it would look like if there were any Buddhist Theocracies in the world.

I…have no idea what I’m doing.

Who likes Short Shorts? The ladies watching the PT group like Short Shorts! Ooh-Rah!

I believe those mustaches violate the uniform code.

Too much time was spent on the details of that glorious penis.

“All I know is it ends in ‘-stan’.” “Oh, yeah, that sounds repressed as shit, let’s liberate the hell out of it!”

Sadly, this still wouldn’t be the weirdest story I’ve heard from Marines.

The Murphy’s Law of Combat is really just a cynically humorous list of jokes that, if remembered properly, will do a mixture of worrying a soldier and of keeping him alive. And in case you can’t wait for my slow pace…here’s 100-140 on the list, and that ends our time together with Murphy’s Laws of Combat. The list I got comes from Strategy Page.com. There’s a few repeats from earlier days on this list, but what the hell, it’s all good.

101. Odd objects attract fire – never lurk behind one.

Warning: Do not stand behind during gunfight!

102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work.
105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
111. Walking point = sniper bait.
112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.

113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
114. Radios function perfectly until you need fire support.
115. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.
116. If orders can be misunderstood they will be.
117. Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.
118. Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud.
119. Mine fields are not neutral.
120. The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it.
121. Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together.
122. If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap.
123. The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it.
124. Professionals are predictable, its the amateurs that are dangerous.
125. A clean (and dry) set of BDU’s is a magnet for mud and rain.
126. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
127. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
128. When you have sufficient ammo the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on ammo the enemy attacks that night.
129. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
130. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
131. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he has fallen back too far.
132. Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last, and don’t ever volunteer to do anything.
133. If at first you don’t succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn’t for you.
134. Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . . once.

“See? I told you we weren’t gonna hit a rock!”

135. Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.
136. If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don’t.
137. The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
138. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
139. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend.
140. All or any of the above combined.

~RCS

Thanks for coming and thanks for reading. Monday starts some regular update stuff, expect a politics-heavy one since I haven’t done that in a while.

The Murphy’s Law of Combat is really just a cynically humorous list of jokes that, if remembered properly, will do a mixture of worrying a soldier and of keeping him alive. And in case you can’t wait for my slow pace…here’s 61-100 on the list, expect the final set tomorrow. The list I got comes from Strategy Page.com if you can’t wait and want the rest of them.

61. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
62. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
63. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.

“Yo, Boss! Are you positive this is Afghanistan?”

64. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
65. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel’s HQ.
66. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
67. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
68. A clean (and dry) set of BDU’s is a magnet for mud and rain.
69. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
70. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can’t hit the broad side of a barn.
71. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon’s operator.
73. Field experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
76. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
77. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don’t know what they want, but they know for certain what they don’t want.
81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
84. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
86. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
87. Murphy was a grunt.
88. Beer Math –> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
89. Body count Math –> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.

91. All-weather close air support doesn’t work in bad weather.
92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
93. The crucial round is a dud.
94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
96. Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last and don’t ever volunteer to do anything.
97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won’t walk into it.
99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.

The Murphy’s Law of Combat is really just a cynically humorous list of jokes that, if remembered properly, will do a mixture of worrying a soldier and of keeping him alive. Here’s 41-60 on the list, expect the next set tomorrow. The list I got comes from Strategy Page.com if you can’t wait and want the rest of them.

41. When both sides are convinced they’re about to lose, they’re both right.
42. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
43. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
44. Fortify your front; you’ll get your rear shot up.
45. Weather ain’t neutral.

46. If you can’t remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

47. Air defense motto: shoot ’em down; sort ’em out on the ground.
48. ‘Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it’ll go’.
49. The Cavalry doesn’t always come to the rescue.
50. Napalm is an area support weapon.
51. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
52. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
53. Sniper’s motto: reach out and touch someone.
54. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
55. The one item you need is always in short supply.
56. Interchangeable parts aren’t.
57. It’s not the one with your name on it; it’s the one addressed “to whom it may concern” you’ve got to think about.
58. When in doubt, empty your magazine.

Or…yeah, that works, too.

59. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
60. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

So as you all know, or you should know at least, today is Veteran’s Day. Unlike Memorial Day where we celebrate those who perished in the duty of their country, today is a day to celebrate everyone in the Military; past, present, and I would argue…future.

PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a serious issue with our military, as it has been with every military in the history of military conflict; and it’s not just the military, bullying children in their formative years can create PTSD symptoms in adults, abusive relationships or parenting, or even just being part of a traumatic experience (hence the name). I’ve seen humor work wonders for dealing with PTSD. It helps to get the person’s mind off the trauma. So, in honor of those I served with, those I never got to serve with, and those who did waaaay more than I ever accomplished in my pitiful military career…here’s some military humor for you…

A buddy of mine enlisted…after 4 tries at the ASVAB test, he finally got a passing score. He mans a tank; funny, huh?

A sergeant was addressing a squad of 20 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 19 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble, Sarge.”

Here’s a few ‘declassified’ quotes from random members of the forces, although the submitters desired anonymity. Culled from Strategy Page which is quickly becoming one of my new favorite sites. Give it a look, definitely.

“I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, ‘It’s no problem,’ he means, for him,” EUCOM Major.

“Please don’t laugh. This is my job,” EUCOM Major explaining in great detail the approved procedures for dropping off VIPs

“If we wait until the last minute to do it, it’ll only take a minute.”

“We are condemned men who are chained and will row in place until we rot,” Lt. Colonel on life at his Command.

“I’ll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat…” Lt. Colonel, after being given a difficult task.

“I may be slow, but I do poor work…” a US Major.

“Don’t ever be the first…don’t ever be the last…and don’t ever volunteer to do anything….” A Navy Commander relating an old Navy proverb (I’ve seen it in land-based ideologies, too). The reason is…the first guy into the room gets surprised by the ambush, the last guy into the room gets picked off silently by the enemy sniper, and the guys in the middle are the ones who survive to write the memoir about the brutal battle.

“The chance of success in these talks is the same as the number of ‘Rs’ in fat chance…” Civilian Gov’t Employee

“His knowledge in that topic is only Power Point deep,” US Major

“Ya know, in this Command, if the world were supposed to end tomorrow, it would still happen behind schedule,” Chief Warrant Officer

“Never pet a burning dog,” Lt. Colonel in the Tenn. Nat’l Guard

And finally, a quote attributed to late President Ronald Reagan: “Status Quo as you know is Latin for ‘the mess we’re in’.”

Stay tuned all week as I’m going to put up sections of the Murphy’s Law of Combat list, a few dozen a day, just to brighten your Veteran’s Week!

Happy birthday to my Marine ilk, we’re up to 237 this year, I believe. And more importantly, Happy Veteran’s Day to all the soldiers, living and dead, who have fought for our freedoms. Screw the politicking of the elections, we’ve got soldiers to honor. And, as usual, my favorite way to honor troops is with humor. When your job revolves around facilitating death for a living, you need humor to keep sane. And the best proof of that was the old TV show M*A*S*H. I could totally just sit down and rewatch that whole series at any moment. The movie I can do without, but he show was awesome. So to honor our veterans on this fine Veteran’s Day…

Here’s some M*A*S*H bloopers:

And here’s an interview of Alan Alda, who played Hawkeye on the show about one of the more dramatic episodes entitled, “Sometimes You Hear The Bullet“. Along with some self-deprecating humor, which I’m a big fan of:

Thanks again, to all our Veterans.

~RCS

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