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Topic : 08/24 Reunited

Number of Replies: 50

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Created on : Friday, August 19, 2005, 03:17:32 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original airdate 04/20/05) Dr. Phil looks at the pain of being separated from someone you love. Susan was only 15 when she placed her baby for adoption. She soon returned to high school, where she was then tormented by her classmates. After 27 years, is Susan emotionally prepared to confront the classmate who she says made her life hell? And where is her daughter now? Join the discussion and share your thoughts.

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The 10 and 20 year reunion comment explained

I don't see how and I'll give you a few examples of when (after watching this the 2nd time) I realized EJ was lying about remembering. Also, what is there to believe...EJ never denies doing this, she just claims not to remember. If she KNEW she didn't (or was not capable of) doing this she would have said so and suggested that maybe she had her mistaken for someone else. Not to mention how badly she stuttered and fumbled and evaded directly answering questions Dr. Phil asked her about it being possible that she did this. EJ also would not have sat there crying histerically by the end of the show if she did not believe she did this.

First she mentions she and her "friends being the 10 yr reunion and we didn't remember Susan and being at the 20 yr reunion and not remembering Susan!". How would she have known to even try to remember someone who she now claims to have NO recollection of now...it didn't make any sense for her to make that comment unless she did in fact remember her. Even though they had a huge class of over 700 kids, there were not that many girls walking around their hometown H.S. pregnant. She would DEFINATELY have remembered the pregnant girl in her graduating class (and having tormented her for 2 yrs)

Also, I was a popular kid in H.S. but I did not subscribe to any one clique...I was as friendly with the "nerds" as I was with the "musicians" as with the "jocks" because I participated in many different activities. I did notice, however, people who made up a crew with a name (EJs the dolls) were more prone to pick on solo people to make themselves feel better and more elite. EJ seems like the kind of person who, even if Susan had not been pregnant, would have tried to bully Susan out of sheer jealousy because Susan was very pretty and not a part of their clique.

Anyway, hopefully being reunited with her daughter will help Susan get over equating this torment with having her baby torn from her arms at 15 yrs old.

First she mentions she and her "friends being the 10 yr reunion and we didn't remember Susan and being at the 20 yr reunion and not remembering Susan!". How would she have known to even try to remember someone who she now claims to have NO recollection of now...it didn't make any sense for her to make that comment unless she did in fact remember her.

I don't know how that stumped so many of you. It's obvious she went back and asked her friends if they had remembered seeing Susan or hearing of a Susan at the 10 and/or 20 year reunion. Just like I called my high school friend and asked her if she remembered the former classmate who confronted me in Wal-mart for calling her gay. Not sure if Susan went to those reunions, but if she had, had such a hard time she shouldn't have attended and therefore EJ nor any of her friends would have seen or heard about her or been re-introduced to her at the reunions.

Even though they had a huge class of over 700 kids, there were not that many girls walking around their hometown H.S. pregnant. She would DEFINATELY have remembered the pregnant girl in her graduating class (and having tormented her for 2 yrs)

And I went to a school in the bible belt, do you think I remember which girls got pregnant or who they were? If Susan was a pregnant girl, and EJ was popular why would EJ have been jealous or even had reason to know or single Susan? There was a program for the pregnant girls in my school and I never found myself as a straight A student leader hanging out in their classroom/nursery. It just doesn't make sense. If EJ was a bully do you think Susan would have been the only girl they teased? The bullies in my school were equal opportunity bullies. They picked on everyone who allowed them to.

Also, I was a popular kid in H.S. but I did not subscribe to any one clique...I was as friendly with the "nerds" as I was with the "musicians" as with the "jocks" because I participated in many different activities.

That's what I thought. None of the popular kids like me and you back in the day, think we were mean. I didn't think so either, until I was confronted in Wal-Mart by the jock. And come to think of it when I was 21 a kid said he had gone to school with me in Elementary and when I was in the 2nd grade I called him Beetle Juice and everyone had laughed at him. I apologized, but I didn't remember him. You could see it made all the difference in the world to him. But I didn't try to pretend I remembered him or the incident.

Also it's easy to be friendly with the nerds, but did you leave your friends at lunch and sit with the nerds, or invite them over? I helped the criple girl try out for cheerleader, but some 15 years later, I don't call her or even know if she's alive. On the other hand I still talk to my best friend who because a cheerleader with me after freshman year.

I did notice, however, people who made up a crew with a name (EJs the dolls) were more prone to pick on solo people to make themselves feel better and more elite. EJ seems like the kind of person who, even if Susan had not been pregnant, would have tried to bully Susan out of sheer jealousy because Susan was very pretty and not a part of their clique.

Usually the girls who sleep around are the popular ones. I don't see why EJ would be jealous of that. I was a cheerleader but the girls who put out were the popular ones with the boys, then after they got pregnant, they sort of fell off the radar. Maybe that was the case with Susan. Maybe she's still mourning the loss of her popularity. Maybe Susan felt she was pretty and wanted to be in the "Dolls". Which to me seemed more of a Grease type era thing.

Anyway, hopefully being reunited with her daughter will help Susan get over equating this torment with having her baby torn from her arms at 15 yrs old.

I don't know. She might now start blaming her daughter because her daughter still loves her adopted parents. She seems to be really into making excuses.

Susan was popular

I wrote a post in response to your post (check it out in the main posts) but also wanted to add. I doubt that the pregnant girl in 1975 is trying to draw attention to herself by being mean to the popular girls...it would make no sense. I think Susan's only action was having been pregnant at a young age (and possibly the fact the EJ may have been jealous of her looks...or maybe even of who she was pregnant by. You never know). Just because your situation was different, you can't try to act like the popular crews aren't the ones doing most of the bullying...a lot of times in a passive aggressive way. I was popular in high school but I wasn't into cliques (I got along with all types because I was into many different things), but I went to a predominantly white, wealthy high school that was very into cliques and the most popular pretty girls usually had the nastiest attitudes. I think my popularity stemmed more for calling people out on their b.s. and doing my own thin so I didn't need a clique.

I wrote a post in response to your post (check it out in the main posts) but also wanted to add. I doubt that the pregnant girl in 1975 is trying to draw attention to herself by being mean to the popular girls...it would make no sense.
The girls who put out are the popular girls. See my post above about that one. I think Susan fell from popularity after she got pregnant. As is normally the case. And she's still mourning that loss.
I think Susan's only action was having been pregnant at a young age (and possibly the fact the EJ may have been jealous of her looks...or maybe even of who she was pregnant by. You never know). Just because your situation was different, you can't try to act like the popular crews aren't the ones doing most of the bullying...a lot of times in a passive aggressive way. I was popular in high school but I wasn't into cliques (I got along with all types because I was into many different things), but I went to a predominantly white, wealthy high school that was very into cliques and the most popular pretty girls usually had the nastiest attitudes. I think my popularity stemmed more for calling people out on their b.s. and doing my own thin so I didn't need a clique.That's what we all say. But what would you say if some kid you didn't remember called you on national TV to say that you made everyone laugh at them or you were with some kids teasing them because they tripped on the floor during 5th period lunch back in 1976? We all think we were popular and we all think we were nice and not into any cliques. But if you were a lone ranger you wouldn't be popular. You'd say you were a loner in high school and did your own thing. And if you consider yourself popular you were in the popular clique whether you want to admit it or not. Remember I talk about being so nice and I was a cheerleader. I wouldn't say I was in a clique, but I was in the cheerleader clique as far as everyone was is concerned. I had cheer practice and games, so I didn't hand out with the stoners or in the science lab because I had other obligations, so those crowds can't say I was their friend in high school.

Hi

Hey Sherrytree, that's pretty horrible what happened to you in school, with getting beat up and all, and then the authority figures do nothing to enforce the rules. Obviously they were too chicken to get involved.

To all the people who say to just get over it, they are only half right, especially if they were never victims of violence that went un-punished by authorities, in addition to being psycologically abused.

To Jada ok, I'm glad you got over your pizza face, and the teacher shouldn't have picked on you for your speech impediment. It's cool that you could stand up for your self, but some people can't, I don't know why. You probably learned how to stand up for yourself from your mother, whether you are aware of it or not.

Yours and the comments of some other people's are incompassionate, and are far too simplistic and demeaning.

Back to Sherrytree-I think you will feel better once you go to nursing school, (there are special programs for people your demographic to get them to return to school) and you will also feel better maybe by taking some self defense or martial arts classes and work out some anger by kicking butt.

When you return to nursing school you may also be pleasantly surprised by how you are treated at the college level. I know that where I go, the adults normally make better grades than the rest of us, because they work harder at it because they are nervous about going back to school.

I say go for it- It might actually turn out to be a kind of healing experience.

To Jada ok, I'm glad you got over your pizza face,

No I still have acne and I'm almost 35, so I still have pizza face at times when I have break outs. But I've still been able to make a living with my face IN SPITE of my "pizza face." That's the key IN SPITE of and unless Susan gets that, she's forever going to be making excuses to fail. She nevers owns up to her part of messing up her life. She's the one who got pregnant when the other girls weren't getting knocked up back in 1975. She has to own that one.

and the teacher shouldn't have picked on you for your speech impediment.

My speech impediment was that I spoke proper English. LOL

It's cool that you could stand up for your self, but some people can't, I don't know why. You probably learned how to stand up for yourself from your mother, whether you are aware of it or not.

Actually I grew up with a mother and father, thanks to the choice they made to get married and established before they started a family. My mother graduated in 1962 and she was pretty and popular but she didn't have a baby as a teen. My father was the back bone of our family, and it seems people don't put much value on having a daddy these days.

If you can't stand up for yourself, get ready to always be at the loosing end of life until you buck up. If you can't survive high school, how can one survive college and/or the workforce? It's why the kids who make it IN SPITE of being teased etc. are running corporate America today. I was one of the most popular girls in my town, and I got teased, but I didn't curl up into a ball and die. It's a part of life. People even tease Dr. Phil so get used to teasing and deal with it.

Yours and the comments of some other people's are incompassionate, and are far too simplistic and demeaning.

And when you wrote that I got over my "pizza face", and of my "speech impediment", in your comments to me that wasn't an overt move on your part? You see we all have a little bit of incompassionate, simplistic, deaming nastinest in us. It was subtle but it's a perfect example of what many of us are saying. You'd say you're a nice person who just addressed my post. Now put that in a high school setting. Either you're a nasty bully or I'm just too darn sensitive. It's either black or white right. No there's a grey area.

It's like I told another poster who said they were friendly to the nerds in school. We all think we're above bullying. But I recall a football player who walked out at a pep rally with his fly down wearing red undies, which happened to be the rival's school color. I laughed along with everyone else. What if he called me out to the Dr. Phil show and says that I ruined his life because I laughed that day? Like I said, we all have a little "meaness" in us, right?

Reunited

I found that I could really relate to this show. I to was bullied and harassed in High School. One thing I find remarkable about this show is that EJ had no recollection of ever being mean to Susan. I guess I just find it hard to believe that she can't remember ANY of it. EJ also went as far as to say that at the last reunion her and her friends had not even noticed Susan....in a sense I felt that this was just as cruel as some of the things that went on during high school. I just think that if EJ was going there to try and help Susan get past the bulling....she didn't do a very good job. I do think that Susan does need to let it go...but EJ needed to be more sensitive to the situation. &nbsp

Wed. August 31st~~ follow up show

My #1 wish was to meet my daughter.I got my wish. &nbsp

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There’s no guarantee that I will be here on earth forever.It was time.

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I was in the dark about the show happenings until they actually happened.It took a lot for me to go in to this with blinders on.I kind of thought that the show had found EJ since that became a big topic in our pre-show discussions.The Dr Phil show felt it would be good to get the ghosts out of my closet.Don’t you agree?I was able to do that by confronting EJ.I wasn't looking for an apology from her.I wanted her to know how bad she had hurt me and get it off "my" shoulder.Sometimes when you just confront your enemy, your issues are resolved, as were mine.I don't think that I held on to it as self punishment; I think that it was just a bad memory that I needed to confront.I “got over it” years ago.I was over it at the 10 year reunion and didn’t get a chance to talk to EJ.I was over it at the 20 year reunion and didn’t get a chance to talk to EJ.At the 25th reunion EJ wasn’t there so I went on a search for her.The Dr Phil show gave me the opportunity to help both of us by getting us together in a controlled environment and treating us like adults.“Getting over it” doesn’t make it stop hurting.

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Also, I had no idea that the show had found Judy.I was completely overwhelmed and stunned to finally meet her.It still brings mixed tears to my eyes.The show taping was in March 2005.Judy has not contacted me at all.I have to give Judy time. I’m not interested in disrupting her life.I’d just like to know her.Perhaps as Judy grows and as Judy’s daughter grows up, her heart will change.In the meantime, I am grateful that she has had a good life, is healthy, beautiful (and very pretty!! I can see a lot of me in her.) and that she cared for me enough to attend the show. That had to take a lot of courage on her part. &nbsp

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Keep your VCR’s tuned next week.There’s a follow up show on Wednesday August 31st.! &nbsp

? for Susan

There’s no guarantee that I will be here on earth forever.It was time.

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I was in the dark about the show happenings until they actually happened.It took a lot for me to go in to this with blinders on.I kind of thought that the show had found EJ since that became a big topic in our pre-show discussions.The Dr Phil show felt it would be good to get the ghosts out of my closet.Don’t you agree?I was able to do that by confronting EJ.I wasn't looking for an apology from her.I wanted her to know how bad she had hurt me and get it off "my" shoulder.Sometimes when you just confront your enemy, your issues are resolved, as were mine.I don't think that I held on to it as self punishment; I think that it was just a bad memory that I needed to confront.I “got over it” years ago.I was over it at the 10 year reunion and didn’t get a chance to talk to EJ.I was over it at the 20 year reunion and didn’t get a chance to talk to EJ.At the 25th reunion EJ wasn’t there so I went on a search for her.The Dr Phil show gave me the opportunity to help both of us by getting us together in a controlled environment and treating us like adults.“Getting over it” doesn’t make it stop hurting.

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Also, I had no idea that the show had found Judy.I was completely overwhelmed and stunned to finally meet her.It still brings mixed tears to my eyes.The show taping was in March 2005.Judy has not contacted me at all.I have to give Judy time. I’m not interested in disrupting her life.I’d just like to know her.Perhaps as Judy grows and as Judy’s daughter grows up, her heart will change.In the meantime, I am grateful that she has had a good life, is healthy, beautiful (and very pretty!! I can see a lot of me in her.) and that she cared for me enough to attend the show. That had to take a lot of courage on her part. &nbsp

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Keep your VCR’s tuned next week.There’s a follow up show on Wednesday August 31st.! &nbsp

So you saw EJ at both reunions but had to wait to call her out on national TV?

It seems to me that if you had been so tormented in high school, you wouldn't have wanted to attend the reunions.

It would seem to me you wouldn't have had anyone to talk to at the reunions, since on the show you made it appear as if you were a poor little innocent victim with the "Dolls" cruxifying you.

Obviously you had friends in high school or you wouldn't have wanted to go to the reunions.

I was a popular cheerleader in high school and I have not gone to any of the reunions because all of the former classmates I care to see, I can see whenever I choose to. Just the fact that you went to the reunions shows you weren't as pitiful in high school as you made yourself out to be on the show. You had your own friends, so why were you so focused on the dolls? Were you a pretty girl they didn't let in? Also I'd like to know if you teased anyone in high school or were a bully prior to getting pregnant?

I think you owe EJ an apology. Have you talked to her lately?

As far as your daughter, I hope that you and she can become friends. I at least think it's only fair that you get to know your grandbaby. I hope the fact that you were still blaming a girl in high school 30 years after the fact for your choices, I hope that didn't rub your daughter the wrong way.

Also is she married, or was she a teen mother also? Your grand daughter is cute, but she looks nothing like you or your daughter.

It's time to move on

I believe that all of us at one time or another have been the victim of a rumor or personal attack. The difference with the majority of us is that we have learned when to let go. I couldn't imagine still holding onto some of the things that were said about me when I was a young adolesent or teenager. I have realized that what some prepubesant jerk said about me in a fit of jealousy or bout of mean spiritedness has nothing to do with who I am today. Who someone was ten, twenty or thirty years ago usually has changed. I don't think that it is impossible to beleive that E.J. does not remember the things that she supposedly said. Can you remember what you had for lunch last month? While sitting here writing this post, I have started to recall a few incidents from high school that, at the time, were quite hurtful, but I couldn't imagine bringing someone on national television to confront them about those things. I have moved on, and so should Susan.

This is just CRAP

wrong,wrong,wrong

Obviously you were never bullied before or were you the bullying kind yourself?It sounds more like you were the bullying kind since you have no compassion for the victims on the other end.What right have you got to tell someone to get over it and move on?Absolutely none ! ITs easier to say then it is to do.You don't seem to have very much simpathy for this woman.It has been 30 yrs yes but is there a time limit as to how long someone should get over it and move on?I doubt it.Bullies can leave a bad mark on you and it doesn't heal that well for some.My 15 yr old was bullied in school and if someone were to tell her to move on ,get over it well they better be running the opposite way if i'm around.You have no right whatsoever to tell her to move on and i don't doubt you were a bully yourself.

I know that when I was a kid I had people make fun of me all the time. My (single) Mom rented a house in the only ghetto neighborhood in a rich town and we were POOR. Do you want to say that I was a popular bully?? No. But the whole time I watched this show I was SICK at how ridiculous this lady was. This is just CRAZY. When I was a child did I cry and think that they ruined my life?? YES! Do I remember those girls?? YES! Would I call them on Dr. Phil? Umm... let's see? I don't think so!

Nathasha57

I know that when I was a kid I had people make fun of me all the time. My (single) Mom rented a house in the only ghetto neighborhood in a rich town and we were POOR. Do you want to say that I was a popular bully?? No. But the whole time I watched this show I was SICK at how ridiculous this lady was. This is just CRAZY. When I was a child did I cry and think that they ruined my life?? YES! Do I remember those girls?? YES! Would I call them on Dr. Phil? Umm... let's see? I don't think so!

And thats your oppinion to what you are intitled to.But not all people are effected your way.It depends on the bully what is said or done.Answer this is in your eyes bullying abuse?if so well abuse you do not get over .you except it as a part of you but not dwell on it and there are some that do dwell because they know no other way to handle it.same goes for bullying.you got over yours great good for you but don't label all people as should geet over it.Go on dr.phil?no i wouldn't either.thanks.