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My 2nd question is: I am seriously hopeless. I am in my mid 20s. I have never had a boyfriend. I have never been on a date. I am pathetic. Everytime I think about it I want to cry. I am embarrassed by my lack of experience. I don't know how to talk to guys. I don't know how to flirt. I don't know how to kiss. I can't tell a guy this stuff. I am completely ashamed. What am I supposed to do? What if some great guys comes along? I can't even look guys in the eyes, let alone talk to them. All I have ever wanted is to fall in love. How can I do that if I can't even get to first base? Help, please!!!..

Comments (5)

To be honest with you, Destitute, I think most of your issues are NOT about guys, they're about YOU and how you think of yourself. How are you supposed to 'fall in love' with a guy, if you don't even love yourself? The answer is NEVER.

The ONLY person that can make you fall in love with yourself is YOU. No one is coming to rescue you and save you. It's up to you, to learn how to date, how to flirt, how to talk to guys, and how to fall in love with guys. The fact that you're here asking questions, to me, is a sign that you're ready to learn this stuff and get what you deserve: HAPPINESS..

Everything in your mentality is going to have to be adjusted. Why? B/c how you think now, has NOT been getting you what you want, Right? So, learning a NEW way to think is ESSENTIAL, IF... you really want what you say you want. It's NEVER too late to learn this stuff.

Learning to date using Match.com is just like learning anything. You've got to be willing to put in the time and be willing to ACCEPT failure along the way. The first time you got on a bike, you didn't just take off and start riding past all your friends. You had to fall a bunch of times (fail), before you were able to successfully ride without falling.

And with enough time and practice, you were eventually able to ride with no hands or do wheelies, or whatever. My point is, is that you MUST be willing to fail and you MUST be willing to put in a LOT of time and practice. If... you want to succeed. This goes for dating, sports, getting rich, climbing Mt. Everest, or whatever it is you want to achieve.

What steps have you thought about taking to start taking the steps towards your needs? Have you read any books on r-ships/dating/flirting/MEN? If not... start there..

Z..

Comment #1

Hi Destitute,.

Welcome to the board!!! I don't think you are hopeless. You have some work to do, but all of us do and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can find love. We usually find love when we are not looking for it, so relax. Start with getting comfortable with yourself. Confidence really shows to other people and at first you will feel like you are faking it, but we've all done that!!!.

Pick something that you really like about yourself and tell yourself a few times a day. I'm great because... I know this sounds silly, but it works. If you want to make something better about yourself. Start trying. .

Try reading "Dating Without Drams" It's an ebook, so no one will know you've purchased it..

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Good Luck!!.

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Comment #2

"Have you read any books on r-ships/dating/flirting/MEN? If not... start there."..

Comment #3

Snafu,.

To touch on your comment about some books being garbage, well... obviously there are TONS of authors out there writing things to make a buck. But... if people were to learn ONE thing from one of these garbage books, then to me, it's worth it..

Just like there are TONS of ways to 'lose weight'. Well, the concept is EASY. It's APPLYING the concepts that people don't get. Or, being able to weed out the BS from the good stuff. It's the same with all these 'dating advisors'. In principle, dating (online dating with Match.com) is NOT hard.

It's being able to APPLY the techniques, that most people don't get, get frustrated and give up. Instead of LEARNING HOW to apply the methods that are taught. I digress... :-).

I'm at the point in my 'readings', that it's basically the SAME information, just worded differently. However, it seems like each book has one or two little NUGGETS of information, that makes it worth the read. So... just starting ANYWHERE is the point I was getting across..

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Z..

Comment #4

I agree...if you can get something out of it then can be worthwhile..

Concepts are easy to digest but difficult to manifest into reality. Some people really need a step-by-step approach to things. But, then they lose their uniqueness in the process. ..

Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.