Terminator Genisys

End of Days – ★

Thirty one years have passed since James Cameron gave us The Terminator and with Terminator Genisys, the fifth filmic iteration, we have the worst instalment. Nonsensical plot lines, terrible dialogue and a 12A rating all conspire to make this a monumental insult to cinema and Terminator fans.

The year is 2029 and John Connor (Jason Clarke) sends Kyle Reese (Jai Courtney) back to 1984 to save his mother Sarah Connor (Emilia Clarke) from being assassinated by a Skynet robot which fans will know is the plot of The Terminator from 1984 starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as a bad terminator. What in fact happens when Kyle goes back to 1984 is that both the bad Terminator and good (the one Arnie played in Terminator 2: Judgement Day) both exist in the same time as well as a T1000 (liquid terminator from T2) and Sarah Connor knows about everything. Good Arnie Terminator has now become a father figure to Sarah and she affectionately calls him Pops.

The daftness of the film continues as it now becomes a love story between Sarah and Kyle as they must fall in love and mate in order to produce the saviour of the human race John Connor. Good Arnie Terminator is a comic figure smiling inanely at any opportunity thus removing any sense of menace he possessed in the first film or sense of coolness from the second film.

We now jump to 2017 as some mumbo jumbo to do with a split time line or alternate universe means Sarah, Kyle and Pops can bring down Skynet. This brings John back into action who is now a brand spanking new type of Terminator. I would have forewarned that as a spoiler, but if you’ve seen the trailer you know all of this. The action now kicks into proper Transformer levels with Pops and John the Terminator going at it hammer and tongs, each blow sounding like a mini nuclear explosion.

The rating is 12A which means the target audience, if they have sensible parents or no older siblings, should not have seen any of the source material. This is handy as they won’t get nearly as irate as any fan of the first two outings. They won’t realise scenes have been simply lifted and limply stuck together to try and cobble together a film which – instead of seeming like knowing nods towards fans – come across as a slap in the face.

This is more sinister than just a bad film because it is saying loud and clear in black and white that the old films you hold dear will simply not be re-made but stolen and peddled to a younger generation who don’t know any better. End days really are here.

Páraic

Páraic wanted to be a gangster as far back as he can remember. Brought up on a diet of films he was too young to be watching by his brothers, all things 80s teens thanks to his sisters and the classics by his folks he's turned into a well-rounded (maybe a little too round) film lover. Only recently discovering North by Northwest, he longs for a train journey with a beautiful blond.

Welcome to Spooool.ie, your trusted Irish source for film opinion since 2011.

Nowadays we mostly produce a monthly podcast, with occasional Irish film festival coverage, Best Ofs, and reviews. We do all this in whatever free time the tax-man gives us, so do be nice with your abuse.

Find out more about the two of us (Nigel and Páraic) here and get in touch here.