Thanks Tiger Wong.
This novel really smell GL's excitement & characteristic in writing although just read the begining of the story I start to like it.
BTW, what about the Da Ren Wu translation? no mean to hurry you but just can't wait the story so long. ha ha ha...

Just curiousity, are you the same Tiger Wong from Hong Kong that do several comics ( Tiger Wong, etc).

Hey, I'll be lucky if I finish this one! But yeah, I'll get back to Da Ren Wu someday, just felt like trying something different. Got sick of all the Early Period GL stories I was reading, and so I picked one of the best remaining stories in his Mid Period (my favorite) that I haven't read yet. But I think once I finish this, I'm afraid there isn't anything left of his to read that is good...

No, I am not the same guy who does the comics (that's Tony Wong), but my login name is based on one of his characters.

That evening, Guo DaLu had no choice but be hungry and slept on an altar in a run-down temple.

Of course, he could have gone and eat at the best restaurants and sleep at the best inns and worry about the consequences later, but although our hero is a bit dense, he was not a scoundrel. Even if he died, he wouldn’t do anything disgraceful.

“Even if I need to steal, I’ll be a famous bandit, not some small-time chicken or dog thief.”.

During afternoon of the following day, Guo DaLo suddenly decided on becoming a bandit.

He didn’t know where this decision came from -- probably from a stomach that was fast becoming worn out.

“Being a bandit isn’t too bad, there were a lot of righteous bandits who rob the rich to help the poor, weren’t their stories passed down across time within the martial world?”.

Therefore Guo DaLu decided to become a bandit, a righteous big-time bandit of course.

This time he was determined to succeed and not fail.

“To do something well, one must have a good plan before starting.”.

To become a thief, what should he need to consider?

Number one, he needed to find the right house to rob of course, the owner needs to be a very wealthy person, as well as someone who is ruthless in obtaining wealth. If it was a corrupt government official, that would be even better.

If you take money from this kind of person, others will not only not blame you, they’d actually clap and cheer for you.

Guo DaLu got alert, and started to look around in all directions. After searching for a long time, he finally found the right house.

It was situated on a mountainside, it was very large and extravagant.

That meant the owner must be very wealthy.

The house was very far from the urban areas, it was very isolated and remote. You can almost say it was in the wilderness, it’s closest neighbor was a cemetery.

This meant the owner must not be an honest and upright person, honest people don’t live in places like that.

It all matched his criteria perfectly, now all he needed to do was wait for the perfect time to strike.

The perfect time was naturally during the night.

But Guo DaLu couldn’t wait that long, at dusk he rushed into the house.

The first thing he laid eyes on was a bed.

The bed was huge and very, very comfortable.

On the bed laid a man.

Other than this, he didn’t see anything else.

This house was very large, it was constructed magnificently. From end to end, it must have had at least thirty rooms, the biggest one could hold more than ten tables of liquor.

But all the many rooms in the house were empty, even the kitchen was empty.

Guo DaLu paused.

The man lying on the bed wasn’t sleeping, his eyes were wide open this whole time, but even though Guo DaLu had been running back and forth searching the place, this man completely ignored him.

Finally, Guo DaLu couldn’t help but rush up to the bed to ask him what was going on.

This man actually asked first: “Have you found anything of worth yet?”.

Guo DaLu could only shake his head.

This person sighed and said: “I already knew you wouldn’t find anything, I’ve already searched for three days, even the last rusty saucepan has been taken by me to exchange for some biscuits. If you could still find something, your talent must not be small.”.

He wasn’t bad looking, just a bit emaciated, it appeared as if he barely had enough strength to speak and definitely looked like a person who has been starving for several days.

But the bed he was lying on was actually a good bed in every sense.

How can this empty house still have this kind of a good bed? Why was this person resting on this bed?

Guo DaLu suddenly asked: “What kind of place is this actually?”.

This person said: “Regarding this manor’s master, he really is very famous.”.

Guo DaLu: “Famous? How so?”.

The man: “Have you ever heard the name of Wealthy Manor? This place is Wealthy Manor.”.

Guo DaLu abruptly called out: “Wealthy Manor? This desolate place is actually called Wealthy Manor?”.

The man: “That’s absolutely correct. If a fat man can become very thin, Wealthy Manor can also become very poor, what is so strange about that?”.

Guo DaLu: “Then what kind of person are you? What are you doing in this ghostly place?”.

The man cleared his throat and said: “If I don’t stay here then where should I stay? I am the seventh generation master of Wealthy Manor.”.

Guo DaLu paused again.

The man’s eyes had been riveted to Guo DaLu’s sword this whole time, and suddenly said: “This sword of yours appears to be well crafted.”.

Guo DaLu: “It is well crafted.”.

The man: “It looks like it should be worth a bit of money.”.

Guo DaLu called out: “A bit? Do you know how to judge quality or not?”.

After a while, he sighed: “You’re telling me to go pawn my sword and buy some food and wine for you to eat?”.

The man laughed: “You finally understand.”.

Guo DaLu: “Do you realize what I’ve come here to do?”.

The man: “Of course, you’re here to steal money.”.

Guo DaLu stared at him: “You know I’m a thief, but you still want to take advantage of me?”.

The man laughed: “Although you’re a thief, I’m just a poor ghost. When a thief encounters a poor ghost, he can only resign himself to having bad luck.”. Guo DaLu looked at him, and suddenly realized that this person’s laughter was very charming.

He couldn’t help but laugh as well: “Even if you want to take advantage of me, the least you could do is take my sword, pawn it, and buy some food and wine yourself to bring back for me to eat.”.

The man said: “If you’re going to do a good deed, you might as well do it to the end. It’s best if you take the trip.”.

Guo DaLu: “What about you? You’re too lazy to even move?”.

The man sighed: “Think about it, if I weren’t lazy how could I have become this poor?”.

Guo DaLu paused for the third time. He had truly never seen anyone like this before, he didn’t have any means of dealing with this type of person.

He really did go exchange his sword for some food and wine and returned.

After putting a duck leg and half a catty of wine in his belly, the man finally sat up on the bed and smiled: “I’m drinking your wine, and I don’t even know your name.”.

Guo DaLu said: “I’m called Guo DaLu, the ‘da’ in straightforward, the ‘lu’ in road.”.

The man said: “DaLu -- you are really worthy of your name, you really are very straightforward.”.

Guo DaLu: “And you? What’s your name?”.

The man: “I’m called Wang Dong. The ‘wang’ in king, the ‘dong’ in motion like rabbit.”.

Guo DaLu looked at him, and after looking for a long time he suddenly laughed loudly: “I think you should really be called Wang BuDong. [*BuDong means motionless.]”.

-----
Only a dead man could be completely motionless.

Although Wang Dong wasn’t a dead man, he didn’t move much more than one.

If a pitcher fell in front of someone’s face, everyone would reach out to grab it, but Wang Dong would still not move. If a precious treasure suddenly fell from the sky, no matter who they are they would pick it up, but Wang Dong would still not move. Even if the world’s most beautiful woman stripped naked and sat on his lap, he still wouldn’t move.

But there were times when he did move, in fact when he did it was a startling thing. One time he flipped 382 somersaults nonstop just to permit a little child whose mother recently died to smile a bit.

One time he traveled 1450 li for over 2 days and 2 nights just to see an old friend for the last time.

His friend had already died earlier.

One time in the space of 3 days and 3 nights, he fought with 274 men, killing 103 of them because they were bandits who killed Zhao family village’s Old Man Zhao and kidnapped his three daughters.

He didn’t even know Old Man Zhao or his three daughters.

If someone bullied him, or even spat in his face, he would still not move. If you said he was strange, well, he really was a little strange.

If you said he was lazy, he was surprisingly lazy, ridiculously lazy.

And now, he unexpectedly became friends with Guo DaLu. Putting two characters like them together, if they weren’t poor who would be poor?

Although they were poor, they were still happy.

Because they have never wronged another person, and never wronged themselves.

Because they did not resent the Heavens, nor make grief for others. No matter how many hardships they encountered, no matter how many setbacks, it would never get their spirits down. They do not fear experiencing difficulties, but rather, they understood the exhileration of overcoming them.

Even if they failed, they would not be discouraged much less lose heart.

Because they understood how valuable life was, and also understood how to enjoy it.

Therefore their lives will always be colorful. They did many things that were unexpected, maybe you might think the things they did were very stupid or very funny.

But you can’t deny that the things they did were things that nobody else could do.

Not even you. Therefore I believe you will certainly enjoy listening to their story.

-----
With two people like Guo DaLu and Wang Dong, their deeds should already be enough to hold people’s interest for a long time, how can one also add in Yan Qi?

Yan Qi’s deeds alone are already more colorful than 300 other men combined, how can one also add in Guo DaLu? Also add in Wang Dong?

But Old Man Heaven still insisted that the three of them get together. How will this ever do?

-----
Guo DaLu and Wang Dong weren’t poor every day. There were times when they had money, but nobody knows when these moments occured, nor did they know where their money came from.

Even they didn’t know.

Their money always came unexpectedly, even they were a little mystified.

Perhaps this was because the way they spent money was the same.

Autumn was fast approaching, the trees in the courtyard behind Wealthy Manor suddenly contained large and sweet pears that could be plucked down and fill several baskets, which could be sold for twenty to thirty liang.

As soon as the pears had started ripening, people would come and inquire about the price, and even picked the fruits themselves. [*I thought their manor was in “No-Man’s Land”, ah well, best not to think too much when it comes to GL stories...] From start to finish, they didn’t need to spend any effort nor help anyone out.

It was just as if this money fell from the skies, so of course one had to go celebrate.

In order to celebrate, you can’t do without wine. If you have wine, you also can’t do without meat.

“Comes into favor, gamble it all away, left with nothing”, only “eating” is the most rewarding, this was Wong Dang’s rule to live by and also his greatest enjoyment.

In the beginning, he would eat lying down. After eating until he was happy, he would sit up. But when he got tired again, he would lie back down and continue eating.

Therefore his bed was simply greasier than a kitchen table, no matter which area you touched with your hand, you would brush up against one or two pieces of leftover meat, three or four unfinished pieces of bone.

Although Guo DaLu was never one to be too picky about cleanliness, he would rather sleep on the floor, than dare to lie on this bed.

Wang Dong was happy his belly could enjoy this bed, this bed was not only a place for him to sleep, it was also his living room, his garden, and his dining table.

The strangest thing was, he could lie on this bed and drink wine. First he faced the wine jug towards his lips, and then “GULP, GULP” he drank it down, not spilling a single drop of wine.

Guo DaLu admired this very much and also wanted to learn it himself, but he had some doubts and couldn’t help but ask: “You can still drink wine while lying down?”.

Wang Dong said: “Of course you can drink it.”.

Guo DaLu said: “Wouldn’t it spill out your nose?”.

Wang Dong: “Of course not, even if I drank hanging upside down it still wouldn’t come out the nose.”.

Guo DaLu: “How do you know?”.

Wang Dong: “I’ve tried it.”.

Guo DaLu laughed: “You’re too lazy to even sit up, how did you manage to dangle yourself?”.

Wang Dong: “If you don’t believe me, why don’t you try it yourself?”.

So Guo DaLu got himself upside down, and then brought the wine jug up to his lips slowly drinking it gulp by gulp. By the second mouthful, wine started to spurt out his nose.

It was at this time, that he saw Yan Qi -- well, the first thing he saw was Yan Qi’s legs.

Yan Qi’s legs wasn’t much different than anyone else’s, but the boots he wore were very special indeed.

His boots were made of leather, the craftsmanship superb. There was a flower pattern on top, and it could compare with any boots that a prince might wear.

This wasn’t anything strange.

The strange part was, these boots had everything except the soles.

The clothes he wore were originally very fine and well suited, but now it was ripped to shreds, there wasn’t a single area that was neat.

Only the hat he wore on his head, can still be seen as attractive.

His person was not very tall, but his arms and legs were long.

His face was very refined, almost like a young woman’s. Large eyes, a small mouth. When smiling two dimples can be seen, but when not smiling his face would become very cold, turning a bit pale-green, causing others to feel somewhat afraid of approaching him.

His clothes seemed like it used to be a light green color, but now there were traces of red and yellow.

The yellow was obviously from the dirt, but what was the red?

Could it be blood?

Two people happily drinking wine at home and suddenly seeing someone like this charge in would be startled no matter who they were.

But as for Guo DaLo and Wang Dong, one was still sprawled, the other still hanging. It’s as if they haven’t even noticed this person.

If you entered a room, and saw someone lying on a bed drinking wine, and another hanging upside down drinking wine, I’m afraid you’d think you just entered a mental institute; even if you didn’t run away in fright, you’d start getting goosebumps.

But this person didn’t seem to find it scary at all, as if drinking wine hanging upside down was a very normal affair and doing it sitting down should be the strange thing.

This person was Yan Qi.

Guo DaLo’s legs were hanging on a crossbeam.

Yan Qi suddenly flipped a somersault, and hung two legs on top of the crossbeam, his face turned towards Guo DaLo’s face as if he was going to say something.

But he didn’t say a single word.

Guo DaLo began to think that this person was interesting, and suddenly squinted his eyes and made an ugly face.

Yan Qi also squinted his eyes, and made an ugly face.

Guo DaLo said: “How are you?”.

Yan Qi said: “Good.”.

Guo DaLo shifted his eyes and said: “Want some wine?”.

Yan Qi: “Good.”.

Guo DaLo immediately passed the wine jug over, he purposely wanted to see what it would look like to have wine going into his nose.

Who knew that this person’s skill was much better than his, “GULP, GULP”, with one swallow he drank down more than half the wine in the jug, and not a single drop leaked out.

Guo DaLo watched until his eyes widened: “You drank wine like this before?”.

Yan Qi: “A few times.”.

He suddenly laughed and continued: “I wanted to try and see if it was possible to drink wine like this.”.

If a person has tried to do something like this, there must be very few things he hasn’t done.

Guo DaLo suddenly laughed: “What else have you tried to do?”.

Yan Qi said: “Anything that you can speak of, I have pretty much tried already.”.

Guo DaLo smiled: “There can’t be many other things in this world as hard to take as drinking wine upside down, is there?”.

Yan Qi: “Theres still are a few.”.

Guo DaLo: “Still? Then what would be the most uncomfortable thing there is?”.

Thks

Hiya gys,
Thx TigerWong for another update.
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Been comparing the amusing scenes here and the encounters between Linghu Chong and TianBoGuang. Hopefully these three can surpass Linghu and Company, since the latter force me to laugh my butt off
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Always a pleasure to read amusing and humorous stories! Continue the good work.