Thursday, April 28, 2011

Hosanna To The Highest & Why William Should Say No

This morning I woke feeling full of joy and happiness and praise to God.

I had every reason to sleep but I couldn't sleep.

This joy, calm, and peace has no explanation but it's not meds because yesterday I didn't feel this way at all and then I didn't sleep even a wink and I was full of happiness and calm.

Indescribable full, my cup is overflowing feeling. I kept waking up throughout the night. I was woken at 2:30 a.m. my time when I looked at the time and before that, I wasn't sleeping through and then I kept waking up later too. But I felt a peace that surpasses all understanding.

I was just thinking now, maybe it was partly that my son felt happiness in full. He received a gift from me yesterday of a huge train table complete with track, people, and everything. I would have wanted to get it for him when he was younger, but I'm trying to make up for things too, that I could not afford to get when I wanted to or things I promised that I wasn't able to fulfill because of finances. I have kept every promise to him now except one: that he will be with me and see me whenever he wants.

It is probably something else too because I don't think it's just about my son. I just feel full of peace even though some of the worst imaginable things have happened.

Last night I came across something that I don't exactly understand either. I wasn't praying for anything special but just devoted myself to reading the book of Nehemiah. What is so cool about Nehemiah is that he writes like a king or lawyer but he sums up his position in one sentence: "I was cupbearer to the king." He wasn't the king or didn't have the highest authority but God gave him the instructions to build something for him and to repair a structure and make it beautiful for the glory of God. And what I like is how he is pressured on every side, by so many influential people, but although he listens carefully to advice and considers things, he holds fast to what is in his heart to do for God. God somehow blessed him with discernment because it's not easy for anyone to always know what to do.

So this is the other thing that kept coming to me, and I think it must have been the Holy Spirit because I wasn't trying at all to find these constant connections. I believe it was some kind of spiritual connection because I got message after message about being raised from the dead.

And I wasn't trying at all and then this morning, the same odd theme. After 3 days, I will be raised from the dead. Can you raise the wall in 3 days? on and on.

I was first just reading Nehemiah like normal. Then for some reason I stopped at this part where he starts to build the wall...The part was this: "When Sanballat heard that we were rebuilding the wall, he became angry and was greatly incensed. He ridiculed the Jews, and in the presence of his associates and the army of Samaria, he said, "What are those feeble Jews doing? Will they restore their wall? Will they offer sacrices? Will they finish in a day? can they ring the stones back to life from those heaps of rubble--burned as they are?"

Oh I just noticed that I somehow forgot, in typing, the "b" for "bring the stones back to life" and it reads "ring" now, but I am going to leave this mistake.

I think there is sometimes a reason for mistakes.

I was just on the song "She walks in Beauty" by Kevin Prosch and thought of it earlier today with "someone was swinging a censor, someone was ringing a bell..." and then I made this typo here while listening to the song and there is another reason I'm leaving it which I'll get to.

So Nehemiah continues: "tobiah the Ammonite, who was at his side, said, "What they are buiding==if even a fox climbed into it, he would break down their wall of stones!"

I made more typos but leaving.

"Hear us, O our God, for we are despised. Turn their insults back on their own heads. give them over as plunder in a land of captivity. Do not cover up their guilt or blot out their sins from your sight, for they have thrown insults in the face of the builders."

So I read this, about "Can you build the wall in a day?" and the taunting and then the petition to God to "return to sender" the insults, curses, and plots that are being cast their way.

Then it's great because they still get discouraged but they don't give up. It looks impossible but they refuse to give up hope and they continue to build and come up with new ideas for how to accomplish what they set out to do.

I had to stop writing for a moment because I sensed the Holy Spirit. 7:10 a.m. or so.

I just listened to this song "She Walks In Beauty" and this time, I saw Byron, Song of Songs, and military war all at the same time.

I kept thinking about this part and then right then I paused in reading Nehemiah and I was trying to find something else and turned from Nehemiah right to John 2:19, where "Jesus answered them, "Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days."

So I read back and read the whole section:

"The Jews demanded of him, "What miraculous sign can you show us to prove your authority to all of us?" Jesus answered them, "Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days." The Jews replied, "It has taken forty-six years to build this temle, and you are going to raise it in three days? but the temple he had spoken of was his body. After he was raised from the dead, the disciples recalled what he had said."

And Jesus said this during a Passover season in a year or years before he was crucified and then back to life.

What stood out to me was this correlation of building the wall and can something that been broken down into rubble be restored and returned to its former glory. And how God gave strength, even if it was an uphill battle, to build the wall, against incredible opposition. And then I had turned right from this to read again, "Destroy this temple and I will raise it again in three days." God can even restore lives of others, and we are the temple of God with Christ in our hearts. Another meaning here is how Jesus cleared out the temple from people who were wanting only to make a profit off of God and selling things in the temple. Things can be purified and rebuilt, and God will do it.

But I kept wondering why I was reading these things last night. About being raised from the dead.

Then this morning I wasn't trying to go for the same theme and I wasn't being weird about praying for something special but I turned right to the passage where then, it is told how Jesus is raised from the dead.

I had turned to a section about The Guard At The Tomb and how some were trying to prevent a ressurection. They were worried that the prophesy would come to pass.

Matthew 22:62, "The next day, the one after Preparation Day, the cheif priests and the Pharisees went to Pilate. "Sir," they said, "we remember that while he was still alive that deceiver said, "After three days I will rise again." So give the order for th etomb to be made secure until the third day. Otherwise, his discriples may come and steal the body and tell the people that he has been raised from the dead. This last deception will be worse than the first." Take a guard," Pilate answered. "Go, make the tomb as secure as you know how." So they went and made the tomb secure by putting a seal on the stone and posting the guard."

This is the song.

"Hopelessly in Love" by Kevin Prosch. It kept coming to my mind this morning and I finally found it! The little flute style interlude kept coming to me and I couldn't remember which song it was and then I found it and it was this one. First I sang a song to God I made up, or hummed it while walking this morning and didn't take the bus because I wanted to walk and think about God and then from my humming praises "King or Cripple" came to mind and then this one.

Okay, so this whole "resurrection" story gets even stranger (at least for me).

I then crossed up over a grassy hill which I've never done before. I saw these little wildflowers by a rock monument thing and they were fuzzy white around the edges and yellow in the center, looking like little daisies or cammomile. I picked a strand with several flowers and put it into the knot of hair in the back of my head and then I saw these yellow iris and stopped to smell them. Next, I was going to walk down the sidewalk and I saw this white stone arch with 4 pillars up on another hill and thought I would go visit it and see what it was for and then cut across that way. So I hiked up the hill, and lo and behold, it was a tombstone. I thought, "What in the world." So I looked at the name. It was a tombstone for "Sarah Polk". I came up the hill and squarely faced it, on the side it was facing. I don't know why I thought about polka dots but I did. I was standing there, after all these resurrection messages, at the tombstone of Sarah Polk from Polk County. It was so weird to me that I wrote down what was inscribed and I had no paper ready so I wrote it on a $10 bill. It was the first bill that came up so I wrote, "Blessed Are The Dead Which Die In The Lord." That was on the bottom but I wrote it down first. Then I wrote, "Sarah Childress Polk" and then, "A noble woman, devoted wife, true friend, and sincere Christian." Then I wrote, "Wife of James Polk, Died Polk Place."

Then, I thought, this is all so strange but I had asked God to direct all my steps this morning and trying to trust this. I then walked across the lawn past a tall statue of a man on the horse saluting with his hat off and tipped and looked at the side and it said "Jackson" and there were all these iris at the base: yellow, purple, pink, red, blue, white, all colors. I myself, wore blue skinny jeans, black shoes and a solid black turtleneck. I passed by this and came up to this huge bell. It was an enormous iron bell and I've never touched it and it is a monument and I said to God, "I am going to ring this bell for you." And I put my right foot on it and pushed and it went back and forth and hit the sides 2 times and then I came to a stone wall and rather than go around it, I decided to go over it. So I swung my legs over and jumped and landed right in front of some guy wearing military fatigues who then hid behind a corner.

All I could think of, was that going to a tomb after first getting all the scriptures about being raised from the dead, might be a sign of promise of a resurrection in some way.

I was just thinking, "Have I ever worn polka dots?" and I guess I have, not that it matters but I started to wonder. But yes, I had a kelly green and white polka dot dress my mother made me for me and I wore for my kindergarten class photo. It was a dress from my childhood--I believe I was 6 when the photo was taken. And then I had a black and white polka dot one-piece swimsuit I bought myself. I wore it while remodeling my house that I bought in my 20s. My friend Shirina came in and started laughing and said, "You look like you're going ice-skating" because I was trying to be modest and it had a skirt on it, and I thought it looked vintage and sort of like Marilyn Monroe so I liked it. It was solid black with little white polka-dots on it. I was stripping the built-in bookcase from paint to try to restore the natural wood beneath it and it was hot so I wore the swimsuit. Shirina walked in when I was singing and had music playing while restoring the wood. Probably had other things but I don't remember it all. Anyway.

I hope things I pray for, in the will of God, will come to pass.

Instead of choosing randomly, I picked out a song that I like called "I Exalt Thee" by Phil Driscol.I haven't looked at any of the news yet. I just went straight to my blog first because I wanted to share the resurrection theme.

I then stumbled across I Corinthians this morning and my eyes only read, "If the unbeliever leaves let him leave" and then I was wondering about William and Kate and their marriage and looked to the left and my paper had marked right above a sentence that said, "It is good for a man not to marry." And that was it, just that much, and then I went on to writing other things.

I think I decided it would be better for them to not marry by last night, but it's not my decision. It's just what I got. I just asked God, just now, "Will you tell me again? Confirm?" and I went to open randomly and got, "If you would ask, then ask; and come back yet again." Then I read above this and it says, "Someone calls to me from Seir, "Watchman, what is left of the night? Watchman, what is left of the night?" The watchman replies, "Morning is coming, but also the night." If you would ask, then ask; and come back yet again." Isaiah 21:12.

I guess I will look at the news for the day now.

Umm. Just looked at the news on CNN and on one side there is a photo of daylight and on the other side a photo of night. I don't know when they posted this but it is 8:46 a.m. my time right now and I just got the verse about morning and night only a couple minutes ago. Very weird. It says the update was made by CNN at 9:42 so that was about the time I might have gotten this verse, but it was for a confirmation of if William and Kate really shouldn't marry. I think it was sort of saying, "You keep asking and I told you. It's going to be the same answer."

I don't know why, but sometimes I really feel I get answers, or that God speaks to me through scripture and then other times I am sure I'm off the mark. I try to discern but it's sometimes hard to know but I also try to have faith that God does want to have a dialogue with anyone who also wants this, in sincerity. I think it's right though. I am not going to ask again and I will leave it alone now and that is all.

I then had the question of why and I don't know for sure but I got again that someone is in bed with the Catholic church and this is where some of the torture of me and my son has come from. I don't why this came to me last night and today because I've never read anything like that and haven't looked into the Middleton family at least, other than to guess that her mother may be be Jewish. But something came to me about someone in bed with the Catholic church and then I even wondered if it is that William is in bed with Kate who is aligned to or with the Catholic church.

If so, which is something I've never thought about, but if so, this might be why the Queen felt compelled to visit the Pope for the first time, why the Royals gave the pope his own tartan, and why there was this odd discussion about the Royals changing a policy of not marrying those in the Catholic faith. It also might explain why my son and I have been up against such incredible force. If a group of Jewish-American mafia, in concert with Russian mafia, are working on one end against us and then there is a Catholic interest that works with a few Muslims even (not all but a few, for example, the IRA works with some Muslims) then it would explain where some of the international furor has come from.

Alvaro tried to have me sent to federal prison by tipping off someone to suggest a proposal of marriage fraud and his girlfriend Jenny was a Mary zealot. I asked to look at his cell phone one time and all she sent to him was message after message after message of Catholic Mary stuff. It was 90% "Pray to Virgin Mary!" and 10% "Swine Flu Scary!"

I am not kidding. And every single person he had me visit on the East Coast in D.C. had a huge painting of Mary prominent in the doorway and there were priests who came to see us and everything. There was Mary in every doorway, and if I'm such a Catholic bigot, why did I care about him and why was I willing to marry him?

It is not me that's been against the Catholic church. The Catholic church has been againt me. Which is why I keep going back to that.

I don't know exactly why they shouldn't marry, but I don't think it is a good sign when there is violence all around being done in the name of their union. It's like the Romanovs bad luck coming in, where there was some horrible killing that took place around their wedding that some viewed as a bad sign. I'm not one for signs all the time, but I based my initial judgment on the facts surrounding me and my son and the Catholic Irish, Hispanic Catholic, and a few Russian-Jewish gangs that went after us.

It would also explain why every single person in my entire case with my son has been Catholic and kept the case under their own tight wrap.

I don't know completely who is behind it all--Catholic or Jewish or what but I know that if I am an embarrassment, it is because truly evil people who have supported and pushed for this union wanted me to be an embarrassment.

Is that not true?

This has nothing to do with whether I knew or had a night talking with the 2nd top Pentagon chief. It doesn't matter what kind of top ranking people I've known, or who I was with at all. The torture of me and my son has been because of a royal interest. There is nothing else that explains it. Nothing.

And now I'm about to be fired again, after a ton of Catholic coworkers got me into their workplace, tortured me again and had their own people picking me apart and their ready to throw me out at a moment's notice, right before the Royal Wedding. It would explain why Catholic influence in the military led to excuses for my son and I being targeted for research and having it played off as something else as well.

Someone in the Middleton family, has been defended by people who are violent and have committed crimes against me and my son and now William is going to marry into the very people his mother would be against.

Panetta is being moved in over to the Pentagon, to get at him, to get at James. Panetta just needs to go. I noticed something. I noticed how all the Catholics that circulate the location I'm in, started nodding with heads of approval when I first mentioned James with the Pentagon. It made me think, "There are Catholics who want to have HIM shoulder blame instead of them and their group." And that was when I decided I wasn't going to divulge anything more. When people start swarming like flies over an animal they believe might be tipped over by running cheetahs, I withdraw my hand--I am not giving others the satisfaction of getting in on a kill. If I start to get cheers from a group that has been instrumental in torturing me and my son, I don't care if they are the "winners", I want no part in it. All they wanted to do was shift blame. James did not put hit men on me, to rob me of my voice and looks and child. Even if he stood by doing nothing, he wasn't the one with the motive. Even if he is part of a military group and horrendous things have been allowed to happen to me and my son, it is others who have started and maintained my demise. All of these people started driving by me, nodding and smug and goading me on and I intuited they were glad to have another smokescreen and that's it. I knew they were Catholic for some reason and that's all I knew and it made me pause. Unlike some, who enjoy being part of a group of bullies, I am not the bullying type, nor do I get off on making someone else's life miserable. I love Justice in the truest form and I haven't seen it yet for me and my son but I still believe in it.

Impressions I've had today: this morning, while walking, someone is going to whisper something into Prince Williams ear and it's a man, if it hasn't already happened. Second thing, people turning or swiveling in chairs after I make the comment about James.

Panetta first secured opposition against me in the CIA, and I WAS known to him. He is in bed with the Catholic church and probably has something to do with the Middleton affair and Catholic Canadians. I'm not leaving the Jewish group off the hook, but some of them worked together. Panetta goes from securing opposition against me in Eastern India to taking the round-a-bout to the Pentagon. Because, I guess, the Pentagon needed a high ranking Catholic official in that department too, at the very top.

I do not know who or what got into William's head either, because he is marrying into murderers. I cannot explain why this came to me, just now at this moment, but it did. Someone backing this is just fully corrupt and to the point of murder.

I don't know how in the world some of those who are not going, managed to have the wisdom to know something was amiss. And thank God I sense the Holy Spirit again after saying this. Thank God, because if I was wrong, and said this, I know I would start feeling a very bad feeling, or something troubling my spirit, but it's right. Why I couldn't say it earlier, I really don't know. All I can say is that I don't know. But I know that what I am saying now is right. I'm positive.

This is really weird, and I'm stopping here for now, to get a few other things done, but I feel the Holy Spirit very strongly and a full peace about what I've said. I know I was supposed to say it and I believe God guided me to say these things, and not any other person.

Don't marry into the murderers or those who are associated with or backed by murderers.

About Me

this is a blog about my life and thoughts on: clergy abuse (Mt. Angel Abbey); defamation by press (Willamette Week); freedom of speech; abuse of government powers; religion, and other social issues; and the art & humor in routine life; and is dedicated to my son