Did you ever wonder how much Nicki Minaj paid for that ass? Or what Kim Kardashian's face costs her? What is the maintenance fee for Real Housewives? Here, we have an entire catalog of price points on every cosmetic procedure you've ever heard of (and some you haven't).

Perhaps it's because of a recent spate in plastic-surgery based reality shows or the insidiousness of Kardashian Kulture that's led to cosmetic procedures being so normalized that most of us have a secret, hypothetical wish list of little things we would get "fixed" if we had the money. Or maybe the list isn't so hypothetical—15.1 million cosmetic procedures were performed in 2013 alone (up 3 percent from 2012), and there's been a particular spike in butt lifts. It would seem that we actually are morphing into a dystopian satire like that of Brazil.

Still, the described recovery periods of some these procedures seem particularly awful and illuminate how surgery isn't really a "quick fix" of anything.

The following info is based on "fair prices" from the Healthcare Bluebook as well as estimates, statistics and post-op instructions from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS). It's important to remember that with anything cosmetic (hair, makeup, etc.) there's a certain level of artistry involved that could affect the total price. In other words, you get what you pay for!

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Breast Implants

Recovery time: 2 - 6 weeksAfter surgery you "may experience difficulty raising your arms." You can go back to work within a couple of days to a week, depending on what you do for a living. You can't really exercise for the first couple of weeks and then after that you have to "take care to be extremely gentle" with your new boobs for at least a month.

Breast Lift

Recovery time: 2 - 6 weeksYou can return to work in about a week, depending on your job. You're supposed to avoid sexual activity for a minimum of one or two weeks or even longer. After that, you're advised to "be extremely gentle" with your breasts for the next couple of weeks.

Butt Augmentation

Recovery time: 3 - 4 weeksThe recovery period is longer and more painful because you need your butt to do the most basic physical activities, like walking or standing. You have to lie on your stomach exclusively for the first three days, including in the backseat of the car on your way to your first post-op visit. You can't even return to your desk job, drive, or go to the movies for at least two to three weeks.

"No sitting will be permitted for the first ten days (except for toileting)," according to the ASAPS. When you finally are allowed to sit again, you can only do so on a pillow for the next two months. Doctors advise that you not shop for new clothes for at least three months because of swelling. You can begin exercising again after eight weeks.

Eyelid Surgery

Recovery time: 10 - 14 daysYou'll have bruised, black eyes for a week or more. The first two days post-op should be spent at home and patients are instructed to "avoid activities that may dry the eyes, including reading, watching television, wearing contacts, and using a computer." Normal activity can resume after about two weeks.

Facelift/Neck lift

Recovery time: 1 - 2 weeksAfter surgery, you have to sleep with your head elevated at 45 degrees for two weeks. And it's really important to not sleep on your side or stomach. You aren't allowed to bend forward or bend over. You can't drive or go back to work for at least a week. You can't go swimming or do any other kind of strenuous exercise for at least a month.

Upper Arm Lift

Recovery time: 1-2 weeksYou must have a responsible adult take you home and remain with you continuously for at least 24 hours after surgery, according to the ASAPS. It will be at least one or two weeks before you can return to work and 10 days before you can drive. You can start exercising after a month.

Tummy Tuck

Recovery time: 2 - 3 weeksFully recovering from a tummy tuck procedure actually takes about six months or more. The first week will be the worst, pain-wise, and you will still feel like you are recovering for about two to three weeks. You can return to work after about two weeks.

Liposuction

Recovery time: 3 - 10 daysYou can return to work within a few days, but should wait "a minimum of six weeks" before exposure to sun and heat, because of the possibility of swelling. You need to wear a compression garment over the treated area for four to six weeks to control swelling.

Fat Grafting

Fat grafting or fat transfer works like other injectable fillers, but are more permanent. The process involves removing fat from one part of the body and then injecting it into another.Extras: The cost of liposuction to obtain the fatTotal: $2000

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Recovery time: 1 - 2 weeksThere is significant swelling and bruising during the first week, and "you will not be ready to see others socially or professionally" for at least 10 days, according to the ASAPS. "Most people who have very little time off from work take one week off, including two flanking weekends. Those who can afford two weeks off or more are even better positioned to return to work. By the third week you will begin to look more like yourself."

Nose Job

Recovery time: 1- 2 weeksYou'll have a splint and bandages on your nose for a week to 10 days. It takes up to two weeks before most of the swelling and bruising go away. You can return to work relatively soon after surgery, if you don't mind walking around with a giant bandage on the middle of your face. Exercise can usually be resumed within three weeks.

Chin/Lip Implant

Recovery time: 1 - 2 weeksYou can return to work within a week. You have to sleep face-up position at a 45-degree angle for at least a week. Because there will be sutures inside the mouth, you may be restricted to a soft-food diet for up to 10 days. After six weeks you can resume exercising and other "vigorous" physical activity.

Vaginal Rejuvenation

Recovery time: 5 - 7 daysBed rest the day of surgery is recommended and you can return to work within a week, depending on your activity level. No sex for a month.

Botox

Total: $455

Recovery time: Almost immediate, but there might be some bruising that will resolve in about a week. You have to be careful to not touch or massage the injected area afterward because it could inadvertently spread the Botox to unintended areas.

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Fillers

Restylane: $560Radiesse: $860Collagen: $400

Recovery time: 1 -3 daysIt will take about a week for any swelling or bruising to clear up. In that time, you might be advised to not wear makeup.

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Non-surgical Fat Reduction

Recovery time: 1-2 daysIt could take a few days for redness or swelling to subside, but you can return to all normal activity immediately.

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Chemical Peel

$560

Recovery time: 1 day - 2 weeksYour recovery really depends on how deep of a peel you get. A light peel might involve a little bit of redness, but you can return to work immediately after. A medium to deep peel will involve a lot of redness and some scabbing for up to two weeks. You might actually not want to be seen in public in that time.