However the grammatical errors are starting to pile up and i think that in chapters like this, it would be good to put in more description. Also, I got a bit lost as the plot jumped from her old dorm, to the Great Hall where Ron supposedly sat her down and jumped once again to Kaya running down the hall. There was a lot of jumping here. Maybe you can add in transitions for the plot and maybe a beta to watch over the plot holes, flow and grammar.

Just a few stuff that I wanted to point out. I hope i wasn't too harsh. If you'd like I'd love to offer my beta-ing service to you! I would love, love, LOVE to work on this story with you ^_^ If you do decide to accept my offer, please send a PM to emesias at the HPFF forums ^_^