Gripping job to write for Doyle

Date: December 3 2012

Suzanne Carbone

THE fascinating aspect about a job to become a speechwriter for lord mayor Robert Doyle isn't the bountiful pay of up to $100,786 for an exhausting four-day week, but the physical demands. A job ad to write crisp and inspirational prose to meet the exacting standards of the former English teacher comes with a chart for ''inherent physical requirements'' and a grid showing whether the exertion will be never, occasional, frequent or constant. Applicants aspiring to the town hall will never have to ''exert force in an awkward posture'' unless, of course, they are wrenching their suitcases from an airport carousel during an overseas junket. There is occasional ''twisting spine to side'' to see colleagues and what comes as a great relief is never having to ''bend spine backwards'' when the demands are unreasonable. The role to also write speeches for deputy lord mayor Susan Riley and lady mayoress Emma Page Campbell requires constant ''fine hand co-ordination'', not to prevent spilling the milk when making a nice cuppa with two sugars, but for ''computer keying'' and after consulting the best HR expert, I reckon that could mean typing. There is occasional ''gripping or grabbing'', so it's time to hit the Zumba exercise circuit. Media manager Lynne Haultain is handling applications and to intensify the competition, aspirants have to describe a person who ''epitomises'' Melbourne. They might get far with an eloquent gent with the initials R.D.

Kennetts pop the cork

RUBY is the traditional gift for a 40th wedding anniversary but for Jeff Kennett, he'd probably prefer Paddle Pops. The former premier who stormed into Parliament with his Liberal troops celebrates four decades of wedded bliss with the lovely Felicity on December 27 and they will have a delightful Christmas together to reflect on their momentous journey before and after Spring Street ruled their diaries. When Kennett isn't putting his foot in his mouth, he's able to eat his favourite treat - Paddle Pops - and savours three a day: two chocolate and one banana. Yes, the Hawthorn colours. It's a habit he won't break, obviously fond of the lion on the packaging. Even when Kennett walked the Kokoda Track, he struggled without them. The frozen treat will quench a summer craving but unlike the Kennett variety of Kool Mints, they won't lower the blood-alcohol readings of drink-drivers.

Work is skin-deep

CONSULT Friday's forecast before deciding to throw caution to the wind for Work in the Nude Day. Before CBD and suburban workforces evacuate, this liberating initiative is for people who work from home and is led by the business group Flying Solo. Director Robert Gerrish doesn't expect all home-office workers to strip but the ''spirit'' of the day is to ''celebrate the fact that they can if they want to''. Best to consult the boss.

Cricket's new champ

SHANE Warne and Elizabeth Hurley will resume their short-distance Twitter romance when the English rose jets in this week to resume life in Brighton. The cricketer is launching the Big Bash season of the Melbourne Stars at Crown's Club 23 on Tuesday with Sir Vivian Richards, Mel B and poker champ Joe Hachem but Hurley won't be in town, instead joining her fiance at a Shane Warne Foundation lunch on Thursday with Richards and Sri Lankan spinner Muttiah Muralitharan. The Big Bash season blasts into action on Friday with the Stars against the Renegades at Etihad Stadium but the off-field shenanigans have already been led by an unbashful football identity with a mullet, Bryan ''Strauchanie'' Strauchan. In clever videos, the long lost brother of comedian Peter Helliar has been appointed Renegades president and ''punked'' Warnie by putting a sign on his fence, saying: ''Warnie, you've been renegaded. Say hi to Liz.'' Talented writer Darren Fishman devised the concept and storylines and worked with the Turnstile4 agency's creative director, Boyd Hicklin. The pitch was perfect because Hicklin directed the cricket film Save Your Legs! starring Stephen Curry and did a smashing job.