Today is the office Christmas party, wherein we eat, drink, and try not to act like the huge nerds you pretty much have to be in order to work at the company where I work (for those of you who don’t know, I now work at Gartner, which acquired Burton Group at the beginning of this year).

This year, though, I pulled out all the stops and got something that every single person at an IT research company would want to have:

A (more than?) life-size cardboard cut-out of Justin Bieber.

This is not going to be easy to wrap (especially since I don’t plan to fold it back up before I wrap it), but I think I’m up to the challenge. I have experience with wrapping up large presents.

Alternate Universe Cycling-Related White Elephant Exchange

To be honest, though, it’s not easy for me to come up with great White Elephant gifts for normal people. If, however, I were to somehow magically be transported to a place where all of us did a white elephant exchange, I think I’d be awesome. And also, I wouldn’t have to go out and buy something.

I know, in fact, exactly what I’d wrap up: a 1-gallon can of apple-flavored Cytomax (those of you who remember apple-flavored Cytomax just gave an involuntary shudder).

What — if you were restricted to cycling-related stuff and had to use something you already have on-hand — would you bring?

Easy. A perfect likeness of (my interpretation of) Dr. Lammler, made from old tubes that for some reason I don’t throw away. Strategic knot placement to keep them inflated would allow for one hell of a balloon sculpture, given my active imagination and sick sense of humor.

I’d probably go with an assortment of cheap cowbells from cx races, a bottle of Elite (probably good stuff, but Infinit does it all), and a single serving bottle of Stans (gotta give them something worth using).

Y’know I was going to bring a Life Size cardboard ‘Fatty’ to Levis Gran Fondo next year. (who wouldn’t want a picture) But now I can provide fans the opportunity to have their picture taken with Fatty an the Bieb. Levis Gran Fondo registration January 17, 9am PST. The goal is to have a Fatty tent, with brats and pie…and the cardboard Fatty and Bieb. Registration Link:http://www.levisgranfondo.com/

I think it’s the opposite… that REALLY is Justin Bieber with a life-size cardboard cut-out of Fatty! Look at Fatty’s shirt… You can see the lines where his cut-out folds up! Justin’s probably a Fatty fan and e-mailed him the picture.

Hmmm….I have a very lightly used set of the AWESOME Bio-Pace chaingrings…(53/39), and also a super awesome Manitou Sport (elastomer) suspension fork. Oh…and a beautiful Rock Shock Mag-21 fork (prob won’t give that away tho…it cost a pretty penny). Or how about a set of bar-top Shimano DX mtb shifters?

I have a really nice full fingered cycling glove for cooler weather, only used a few times and in really good shape. Its mate went missing in one of the moves, but the one I have still has a lot of miles left in it.

@ MaineMTB..your Ti Mag 21 trumps my plain-jane Mag 21 any day…and I thought MINE was expenisve! They were beauties in their day though…I still have that little cheesy plastic hypodermic pump for it (that used a footall-type air needle). Ahhh…the good ol’ days.

All the old bike tires that adorned the walls of my garage when I bought the place three years ago. I felt they provided good fung shui, and that my bikes wouldn’t be lonely out there. However, I think it’s time for them to haunt someone else’s garage.

all of the completely useless wheels hanging in my garage that haven’t been on a bike in 10 years (my occasionally not useless husband hordes them). And maybe the cycling rain jacket that has a row of extra sewing holes in the shoulder that leak.

1 case of two year old Power Bar Gels (Strawberry)
1 case of year and a half old Power Bar Chews (Cola)
6 Washington Mutual coffee mugs (now JPM Chase)
4 Accelerade water bottles
1 opened and halfway used jar of Sun Tea flavored Power Bar sports drink
Approximately 450 LiveStrong neck kerchiefs (yellow-ish)

I’d have to go with the frame pump that I ran over with my car. Twice. Under precisely identical circumstances (remove pump from frame to attach bike to car rack; put pump on top of car; leave it there while I drive away; pump falls off as I execute a three point turn in front of my house, running over the pump in the process).

Damn! Philly Jen already had my gift of Biopace chainrings……..so I’ll go with a set of original white Look 166 pedals (at least that’s what I think they were numbered way back in the late 80’s early 90’s) and a set of 525 Shimano pedals that I’m still riding I’ve had em since 1995 or was it 1994??!

Nice stand up photo, both of you. Between working too much & cycling I don’t know who Justin Bieber is, probably haven’t missed much. Fatty, you gave away a tube of vegemite, tsk, tsk, tsk.
My white elephant gift from the Karen S. theme above.
I have the dust cover only of Positively False, took it off the book so I could read it on the bus. Don’t know where the book is & don’t want to look.
So the dust cover of Positively False on “The Offical Goverment Nuclear Survivors’ Manual” all pages are blank…oops I gave that last Christmas. OK how about “Everyone’s Guide to Home Composting”. All 3 books net value ZERO, just the dust cover…priceless.

My vintage 1979 Schwinn Super Le Tour bike frame. Purchased new, stolen and retrieved a few times, ridden a million miles or so, the last ten feet of which were into a wall. The wrinkles add a nice touch, though.

I’m glad I don’t know who Justin Beiber is, but a life size cut out of anyone is always funny. I suppose I would give someone the old Campagnolo bottom bracket axle sitting on my desk. It has the Campy insignia stamped on it.