i've been trying to read and keep up, but it's hard to do w/o my own computer, just a cell phone!

the mothers day idea went over like screen doors on a submarine i guess, so maybe we could give it a shot next year? with much more advanced planning? the way it worked on the other board i was on was... all the participents emailed one central person with their name and address and fave colour, hobby, snack, scent... just a few things like that. we didn't put a dollar limit on it, but it was all pretty inexpensive stuff. in my pkg i got a vanilla candle, a purple pen and little diary-type book, a snack baggie of cheez-its, some incense and a handmade card. the pkg i sent (to a different girl) had.... rose scented soap, a pink candle, rose bubble bath, a book, a chocolate bar and a card. and then after we had all got our pkgs, we posted what we got and who it was from (which was secret until then, only the central person knew who was recieving from whom). anyway, it was pretty cool. i love getting stuff in the mail! but like i said, maybe next year...

just real quick here... about the whole add/adhd/meds thing... my oldest son is adhd. i didn't want to put him on meds, and i held out for awhile, but it got to a point where he was just acting up constantly and there was no peaces at home or at school. that was last year. this year, he's doing really good in school, and i don't even give him his pill before schoo now! BUT at home, he's just awful. picking fights with his brothers, doing stuff he knows he's not allowed, dissappearing on me for hours instead of checking in like he's supposed to... i was losing my mind. he would tell me "i can't stop myself, my brain tells me i have to!" which kinda sounded like a cop-out to me, but the kid shrink says that that's a common way for kids to express their emotions. so i tried giving him his pill after school. and now, lie is more peaceful! granted, he's still a wacky kid, but his pills (stratterra) seem to help him slow down just enough to think things through instead of going with impulses.

the stratterra is a non-stimulant drug though. we tried him on adderall and it damn near killed him. i'm not kidding. the dr gave him 20mg pills he only weighed 40 pounds!! he was in hospital for 2 days after that. i was severely pissed. the dr should have started him on a 5mg dose and worked up if needed. i had a war w/ the insurance over getting the stratterra, but i won (HA!) it's $113.45 a month. isn't that awful? his dr (a different one, i refuse to see that other one ever again) says that he should be getting 35mg/day now, instead of 25mg/day, but the insurance won't pay for it. i'm starting that fight now...

Funny you should say that, tyger, about teenagers being the best parenting experts.

This is coming from someone who doesn't have kids, but when I was 14, I came up with a parenting theory after one of my friends, who grew up in a really restrictive, oppressive household with parents who micro-managed her every move, ditched school, got drunk and high (and this was not the first time she did that), hopped on a Grayhound to Atlanta, called one of our older friends to come pick her up when she got about halfway to Atlanta and decided to get on a bus and come back home, then puked in his car...

The boundaries you put on your kid are like a lasso around them- it's inevitable that your kid is going to rebel. If you have the lasso very tight around them, restricting their every move and thought, the only way for them to rebel will be to completely break the lasso and then you have no control over them and they go nuts. However, if you keep the lasso loose enough to be comfortable, but to still be around them, they'll be able to rebel within your boundaries, learn to trust themselves and still be safe.

I was fortunate enough to have parents who set good boundaries and I was able to work with in most cases. I had a curfew, but it was reasonable and varied depending on the situation- who I was with, what we were doing. I never drank, smoked, did drugs or had sex in high school. Well, I did drink, but never to the point of getting drunk- I had a friend whose parents had a well-stocked bar in their basement and I tried a few things, but never to excess and I'd tell my parents about it later- it was easier to tell them that I tried it, didn't like it, or tried it, liked it, but knew not to go overboard than to sneak around about everything. I think I had a healthy level of fear with my parents, but mostly I felt like doing something really bad (drinking, drugs, typical teenager crimes like shoplifting, vandalism, etc.) would disappoint them and that would be worse than being grounded for months and/or having possessions or privilages taken away.

Again, I don't have kids, and my opinions might change if I did, but looking back on my teenager-hood, I think for the most part my parents handled things really well, especially in comparison to some of my friend's parents.

--------------------

You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.It never happened, did it?