Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #126
April 13th, 1998
WCW Monday Nitro:
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Three Hours.
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota.
HOUR ONE Hosted By: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and Larry Zbyszko.
- "Rowdy" Roddy Piper's challenge to Hogan from last week is replayed. This
would be significant because it makes us think we'll see these two fight
tonight. Bear that in mind as the show progresses.
- The Nitro Girls do a number in the ring. If I had to guess, I'd say a
"number two". Yes, that's a poop joke. I'm mighty fond of them nowadays.
The crowds here in Minnesota always embarrass me, and this one was no
exception. ECW marks dominated the ringside area, as one fan wore a
turban and held up an Al Snow head, while another had on a wrestling
mask, pirate hat, and held up numerous unimaginative signs. Several fans
in attendance believed that Bill Goldberg is their father. Many fans felt
that (insert wrestler's name here) FEARS (insert other wrestler's name
here; or "ME" or "SOAP"). I saw more signs with "3:16" on them than you'd
see walking down the digital clock aisle in the afternoon at Wal-Mart.
So many signs, so few brains.
- FIT FINLAY vs. SCOTT STEINER (w/ Vincent)
Vincent is carrying that trophy he's had for the last week or so. WCW
won't bother to explain what it means, which makes it the only thing that
passes for a mystery in WCW now that The Disciple's name has been
revealed.
An unremarkable opener, which saw the crowd mostly cheering for Steiner
as loudly as they'd have cheered years ago for Verne Gagne vs. Nick
Bockwinkle. Disgusting. The only thing of note to happen during the match
was when Steiner dropped to the floor and had a brief verbal exchange
with Larry "the Ax" Hennig--Curt Hennig's dad. (Which made no sense since
Hennig is in the NWO. Would Hennig appreciate Steiner yelling at his
dad?) Scott wins with the Steiner Recliner.
Going to the break Bret "Hitman" Hart whines about how he's not going to
whine about being screwed any more. He again whines about how he'll
interfere whenever it looks like anyone in WCW is about to be screwed.
- "Mean" Gene Okerlund hypes the hotline. Larry Zbyszko rattles off a ton
of AWA wrestlers, as well as current WCW wrestlers who got their start in
Minnesota. For some reason he doesn't mention Buck "Rock & Roll"
Zumhopfe, "Jumping" Jim Brunzell or Charlie Norris: all of whom just
wrestled here in my own hometown just last week. Curiously enough, Lenny
Lane was scheduled to appear here also. Whether he did or not I don't
know because, frankly, $12 was just too much to pay to see these guys in
"action".
- LENNY LANE vs. ULTIMO DRAGON
The crowd was very unkind to Lane, giving him a "Lenny sucks!" chant at
one point. The match itself was only interesting because Lane got in a
fair amount of offense, which allowed him to play to the crowd (which,
right on cue, gave him a big heel reaction). Ultimo Dragon overcame a
number of flubbed moves to eventually earn the win with a Dragon Sleeper.
Another video clip of Bret Hart whining.
- Schiavone tosses it to the back, where "Mean" Gene is waiting to
interview Roddy Piper. Piper announces that Nash and Hogan will face each
other in a match here tonight. He then says he'll confront Hogan in the
ring, with the intention of ridding the wrestling world of "Hollywood"
Hogan once and for all.
Piper is suddenly attacked by Hogan and the Disciple, who lays Piper out
with a weak looking Stone Cold Stunner. Schiavone says medical attention
is being given to Piper ... even though only about twenty seconds has
passed.
Of course we all know by now that this was pretaped--probably at last
week's Nitro. Hogan, at nearly this exact moment, was in L.A. to tape an
appearance on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno". His people felt it was
necessary to hype his new "3 Ninjas" movie. He needn't have bothered: the
movie opened in 32nd or 33rd place over the weekend. To put that debut
into perspective, you could show vacation slides in your own home, charge
your family admission, and STILL make more money than this movie did!
- Mean Gene interviews the Giant, who grunts his usual "chokeSLAM!" speech.
- CHAVO GUERRERO, JR. vs. JOHNNY GRUNGE
Chavo comes to the ring alone, revealing the fact that Eddie Guerrero
wouldn't be on the show tonight. What's worse, Grunge wins this one by
avoiding a Sunset Flip roll-up and sitting on Chavo for the pin.
More comments from Bret Hart, this time whining about Hogan and Nash.
(You know ... those two guys in WCW who are FAR more popular than he is.)
- The Nitro Girls dance in bunny suits. Ask Gloria Steinem if this is
"family entertainment".
- Kevin Nash comes to the ring to deliver comments. He says he just saw his
friend Hogan "run out the back door!" He compares the Piper beating to
the "beating" which got George Michael in trouble last week. Nash then
lets us all know that Randy Savage isn't in the building (wink, wink).
Moving on, he claims he should have won the World Title last week. This
brings Sting to the ring, where the champ extends the offer of another
title shot to Nash. J.J. Dillon comes out as well and tries to keep the
peace. Before all is said and done, Dillon makes a main event match
between the two official. Sting adds that he's sick of hearing Nash whine
about his powerbomb being illegal, and that it's fine with him if the
move be made legal for the match. Dillon grudgingly agrees. The bit ends
with the camera whirling away so as not to pick up Sting doing a Sean
Waltman-esque crotch chop. Nash, seeing this, tells Dillon that Sting is
"out of control!"
There you have it: this week's main event will be ... the same as last
week's. Huzzah!
- CHRIS BENOIT vs. GLACIER
Benoit wins with the Crippler Crossface. I don't think the match deserves
any more comment than that.
They then replay Buff Bagwell's challenge to Lex Luger from last
Thursday. After the break they show another Thunder clip: this time of
Eric Bischoff getting suplexed by Rick Steiner. Schiavone mentions Ric
Flair's name for what may be the only time of the entire show.
- Bagwell and Bischoff hit the ring. Bagwell gets a bit of spotlight time
to do imitations of Luger and Rick Steiner. Bischoff then shows he's not
really up on the current angles as he says the reason Hogan isn't in the
building is because he was off doing the Leno show. Schiavone tries to
cover by suggesting that Hogan hopped a lear jet to go out and do the
show. Yeah, so he'd get there about, what, four hours after they finished
taping the show and after it had already aired?
HOUR TWO Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Zbyszko.
- BUFF BAGWELL (w/ Eric Bischoff) vs. LEX LUGER
Stall ... power move ... stall ... power move. Midway through the match
Luger does a "happy dance" imitation of Bagwell which makes me feel
embarrassed for the entire Pfohl family. Luger gets Bagwell in the
Torture Rack, but is attacked by Bischoff (stopping the match). Luger
actually sells one of Bischoff's kicks. Eric is then hoisted into the
Rack, but is saved by a run-in from Scott Steiner. Steiner throws a punch
which misses Luger by a full time zone, but is still enough to cause
Luger to drop Bischoff. Rick Steiner eventually makes the save.
More comments from Hart, this time advising Randy Savage to dump Hogan
and Nash. I feel like asking Hart if he'd like some cheese with that
whine?
- Nitro Girls.
- SUPER CALO vs. CHRIS JERICHO
Jericho only makes a half-hearted grab for a "Jericho is Gay" sign, yet
goes all out to tear up a "Jericho-holic 4 Life" sign. Hmmmm. Very
telling. He then launches into a diatribe about how Super Calo is really
"Prince Nakilaki" under the mask. The match itself is passably okay, with
Jericho getting the win with the Lion Tamer (after Calo botches a forward
headscissors roll-up off the top). Prince Iaukea cokes out to help Calo
after the match.
Bret Hart lets us know who he admires in WCW: guys like Chris Benoit, the
Giant and Sting. What ties all these guys together is that they are all
currently good guys, and none of them whine as loudly or as often as Bret
Hart.
- HAMMER vs. SATURN
Kidman tries to break this one up, but gets tossed to the floor. Man, you
have to be bad to get kicked out of the Flock! Saturn puts Hammer away
with the Rings of Saturn.
- ROCCO ROCK vs. GOLDBERG
Rocco brings a table out with him. Sure enough, it gets used when
Goldberg spears Rocco through it (Rocco having just set it up in the
corner moments before). This was maybe the most entertaining of
Goldberg's many squashes. After h gets the usual Jackhammer pin Saturn
comes out for a confrontation. Raven appears and pulls Saturn to the
back. The other Flock members get beat up by Goldberg anyway. Nothing new
here.
- Since three minutes of Goldberg apparently wasn't enough, they play a
minute long video highlighting many of Goldberg's previous wins.
HOUR THREE Hosted By: Schiavone, Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.
- Nitro Girls. Nitro Party Video.
- YUJI NAGATA (w/ Sonny Onoo) vs. CURT HENNIG (w/ Rick Rude)
Curt and Rick talk to their dads Larry and Dick at ringside. Hennig
starts out in the match fired up, trying to look good in front of his old
man. The match goes nowhere, however, as Rude freely interferes. Nagata
is dragged over by the elder Hennig and Rood twice: the second time Larry
removes his sweater to reveal a "Hennig Rules" shirt. Hennig gets the win
with the Hennig-Plex. They then handcuff Nagata to the ropes. Jim "the
Anvil" Neidhart runs out for the save, but the crowd has already lost
interest by this time. So sad that Hennig can only get a moderate crowd
reaction in his home state.
- LA PARKA vs. BOOKER T.
Almost a total squash, with Booker doing all his big moves on the way to
the obvious win. Afterwards Chris Benoit comes out top stop La Parka from
delivering a chairshot. Booker T. extends his hand, but Benoit shoves him
down. The two stand nose-to-nose to the almost total indifference of the
crowd. I'm not sure if the crowd has just burned themselves out cheering
too much too early, or if it's really indicative of how bad the show's
been up to now.
- RAGE (w/ Chaos) vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE
This is Nitro? Is WCW seriously telling me that DDP vs. one half of High
Voltage is a worthy match for the third hour? DDP takes three-and-a-half
minutes to carry this one to it's foregone conclusion.
Raven and the Flock then come out, with Raven again whining "what about
me?" He stops in the aisle, allowing the Flock to reach the ring by
themselves. Page does a plancha and knocks down three Flock members (the
giant Reece, missed completely, still falls down anyway). Raven,
meanwhile, is attacked from behind by ANOTHER FAN! Either he's
legitimately become the most hated man in wrestling, or WCW is stupidly
embarking on some kind of ongoing fan run-in angle.
- KONAN (w/ Vincent) vs. RICK STEINER (w/ Ted DiBiase)
Looking back at this time a few years from now, I think many fans are
going to be of the opinion that Konan was among the most worthless
wrestlers ever to occupy such a semi-prominent position on a wrestling
promotion's roster. I realize he's a big deal in Mexico and all that, but
frankly his entire stint in WCW has thus far resulted in very few matches
of quality or any appreciable level of interest. He came in as a typical
babyface and did nothing to distinguish himself, which forced the fans to
very quickly lose interest in him. What was his solution, then? To turn
heel and adopt a persona which drew upon racial stereotypes. Even then
the effort he's given in his matches continued to decrease. How much of
that is his fault and how much is the fault of the lockerroom climate of
WCW is debatable. What is less debatable, though, is the fact that Konan
could go away tomorrow and I doubt many people would miss him.
In this match here Rick Steiner shows that as he's aged, he seems to have
forgotten more than Konan apparently ever knew. Konan lets himself get
beat up for awhile, applies one rest hold, then falls victim to a top
rope bulldog (made possible because of Ted DiBiase, who prevents Vincent
from knocking Steiner off the ropes). You all know I don't attribute
ratings to matches (because they're too subjective from person to
person), but this one would earn a "DUD" if one ever deserved it.
- We get another look at the Randy Savage post-attack footage from last
week. Haven't we reached the point where we can just assume Hogan did it
and move on? This is followed by one of those dramatic video pieces
touching upon all the highlights of the Hogan/Savage/Nash situation.
- KEVIN NASH vs. STING
Michael Buffer once again does the introductions.
Nash again delivers a match which is better than anything he did in WCW
in 1997, just as Sting continues to show that he's on the road back to
where he was before his lengthy hiatus. Neither of these statements
really say much, but it does all add up to a match which is easily the
best and most interesting of the show. Sting gets in the early offense,
with Nash then taking over for a short time. The match is very slow early
on, which helps both keep from getting too winded. Both men were very
over with the crowd, making it seem like everyone was rooting for both
men equally. A series of near falls gets everyone on their feet midway
through the match. The pace, unfortunately, alternates between pin
attempts and rest holds, which keeps the crowd into it, but never really
works them up to a frenzy. Sting stages a comeback and delivers a number
of Stinger Splashes. At this point Randy Savage--with his arm in a cast--
and Elizabeth make his way to the ring. Sting has Nash in a Scorpion
Deathlock. Liz distracts the ref, allowing Savage to hit Sting in the
back with a cast.
Wait a minute. Savage hurt his leg. The fake injury they did last week
was to his left shoulder and/or neck. Why is he wearing a cast on his
right arm? Am I missing something?
Anyway, Nash covers for a two and nine-tenths count. Nash then delivers a
now legal powerbomb, which draws a tremendous reaction, but also a
barrage of garbage in thrown in the ring. Nash covers for what is a sure
pinfall ...
... when Bret Hart pulls the ref out of the ring. The amount of thrown
trash increases. The bell rings as Hart lays into Nash, dropping him to
the mat and maneuvering him into a Sharpshooter. The rest of the NWO runs
in, but Hart has little trouble single-handedly fighting them all off.
Nash slams Sting to the mat with another powerbomb and leaves. The show
ends with a shot of Sting laid out amongst garbage in the ring.
- This Thursday: Nothing announced.
- Next week: Nothing announced.
Comments:
Pardon me, but did they switch from a live broadcast to a replay of last
week's show when I wasn't looking? Worse than that, the show seemed to be
pieced together from some of the least interesting matches on Nitro over the
last few months, then all played together as if it were a live show. This
show completely failed to generate any kind of surprises, much less real
interest in the scheduled main event. More than that, it did a horrible job
in hyping the PPV coming up this weekend.
I'm assuming that Hogan's appearance on The Tonight Show was scheduled weeks
or months ago, which is the only reason that Hogan didn't look into
canceling his appearance. He needed to be in the arena tonight and wasn't.
The pre-taped video segment did nothing to serve the live crowd, nor the
home viewers. All it did was cheat the fans out of seeing him and Piper
wrestle--even though both were promised for the show last week. Even the
segment itself was used to set up some anticipation for a Hogan/Nash match,
then a Hogan/Piper Nash: anticipation which was instantly killed by the
attack. Explain this to me: Hogan nearly kills Savage last week, yet decides
to stick around. This week he lays out Piper, suffers some kind of "guilt",
"remorse" or "fear", and flees the building! What? How many times are we
going to have to sit through Piper suffering serious beatings and hospital
trips? Why couldn't he have come out later and trashed Hogan in an
interview, then wrestled an NWO scrub. Clearly Piper was given the night
off because of Hogan's absence.
And what about Ric Flair? It's all over the Net now that Ric Flair has maybe
been fired by WCW. Well, not really fired, maybe, but perhaps "suspended".
Long story short, WCW claims Flair DIDN'T have permission to skip Thunder
last week, and again did a no-show this week on Nitro. Plans for him to
reform the Four Horsemen have supposedly been scrapped. Eric Bischoff called
a lockerroom meeting and told anyone who would listen that Flair wasn't a
"team player" and would be mad an "example of". (The last guy Bischoff made
an "example of" was Syxx, if that tells you anything.) Now there are reports
that Flair is talking to his lawyers, under the assumption that he has in
fact been fired. We even have Konan saying on the WCW/NWO hotline that
everyone in the company is under the impression that Flair has indeed been
fired.
Could it all be some kind of elaborate work? If so ... ERIC BISCHOFF IS A
MORON! Working the smarts is one thing; doing so in such a way as to hurt
the ratings of your OWN TV shows for several weeks is just plain stupid!
Just last week WCW claimed, via Mark Madden, that the reason the WWF is
doing so good in the ratings is because some fans are watching expecting
Scott Hall and Flair to show up on RAW any day now. You know what? I said
the same thing myself a good two or three weeks before WCW did. Obviously
that's not the entire reason the WWF's ratings are up, but it's certainly
something which has to be one the minds of a few fans--especially since
Waltman waltzed back onto the Monday night stage. Most fans would be into
any Bischoff vs. Flair angle the second they did it on TV. Why kill your own
ratings just to work over a few jaded "smart" fans? It makes no sense. Even
worse, any kind of Flair/Bischoff feud is going to draw obvious comparisons
to the Austin/McMahon feud running strong in the WWF. It just makes sense
for WCW to pull the trigger on this angle and start it immediately, or else
push it off for a few months until after the WWF has finished their similar
angle. In the meantime, why keep Flair off TV, allowing the "Flair jumps to
the WWF!" rumors to stay alive? There are clearly problems between Flair and
WCW here and it's their own handling of the situation which is making
matters so bad for them, and so good for the WWF. How hard is it for WCW to
send a camera crew to Flair's home and tape a generic, non-specific
interview in which he vows to return soon and stick it to the NWO? They
don't have to commit to any kind of angle, or tip their hand in regards to
what they eventually have planned for him. Deliberately holding him back in
order to build the surprise factor of an eventual return just hurts their
own ratings, and helps those of the WWF.
Of course with WCW on top of the ratings they don't even need to worry about
such things, right?
Right?!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WWF RAW is WAR:
Live/Taped: Live.
Length: Two Hours.
Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
WWF RAW Hosted By: Jim Ross, Michael Cole and Kevin Kelly.
- The "over half-a-billion viewers" opening sequence has been replaced by
a new video clip which features the WWF "Attitude" logo. What better way
to begin a new era for the WWF.
- Stone Cold Steve Austin heads into the ring. He quickly demands that
Vince McMahon come out, or he'll hold the show "hostage" as he's done
before. After a delay McMahon is shown peering out from behind the
curtain. He eventually comes out, accompanied by Jerry Brisco, Pat
Patterson and two policemen in riot gear. Once in the ring, Austin grills
McMahon as to who his opponent will be at the "Unforgiven" PPV. McMahon
says he hasn't made up his mind yet. Austin asks if that means he won't
find out until the PPV itself. McMahon says he'll find out "soon".
Austin moves on, accusing McMahon of hating him, and being disgusted over
Austin's mannerisms and personal habits. He says that the more he looks
at what Vince McMahon considers an appropriate WWF champion, that that
image only fits one man: Vince McMahon himself. Austin asks McMahon if
he'd like to be the WWF Champion. McMahon asks "where are you going with
this?" Austin implies that before McMahon presented Austin with the new
WWF Title belt, that he probably strutted around with it on his own waist
at home in front of the mirror, adding that McMahon's own wife probably
though he looked a bit stupid for doing so. The mention of his wife
doesn't sit well with McMahon. Austin goes on to say that he intends to
put the title on the line tonight in a match, and that there can be only
one opponent: Vince McMahon himself! The crowd reaction is sheer frenzy.
Without an answer from McMahon, Austin lays out two options for McMahon:
the "easy way" or the "hard way". Echoing their encounter from a few
weeks ago, McMahon asks what the "easy way" and "hard way" are? Austin
says the easy way is for McMahon to go to the back and get whatever
official he'd like--Austin doesn't care because, as he puts it, he could
probably beat McMahon with one arm tied behind his back. The hard way?
Austin drags a camera to the back and beats up McMahon wherever he is in
the arena. Since McMahon has an ass whipping coming either way, it's up
to him to chose. Austin adds that he's already beaten up McMahon's limo
driver and flattened the tires, so McMahon can't go anywhere. (I guess
McMahon never travels by cab.) Jim Ross sends us to the break highly
incredulous that such a match could--should ever happen.
- McMahon is in the lockerroom being counseled by Jerry Brisco and Pat
Patterson. They advise him that Austin is making a fool of him and that
he needs to stop it now or he'll never have any control in the WWF again.
"I know you can do it!" exclaims Patterson. McMahon paces, pondering his
decision.
- THE DISCIPLES OF APOCALYPSE vs. LOS BORICUAS
All the competitors are already in the ring when DeGeneration X comes
out. This is a "Chain Match" and Los Boricuas are the "mystery team"
which the WWF hyped over the weekend. How lame. This match is a "DUD" in
its own right as nothing much happens. Hunter Hearst Helmsley Pedigrees
DOA member Chainz on a steel chair, then on the entry ramp. There being
no DQ stipulation in the match, and the ref being able to DQ one team
over the other, he just throws the entire match out when D-X enters the
ring. Jim Ross asks what D-X has against the DOA. You want a goofy
theory? Here's mine:
Remember back in 1995 when Skull and Eight-Ball (wrestling as either
Jacob and Eli Blu or the Grimm Twins) were fired by the WWF because of an
altercation they had with Shawn Michaels in the lockerroom? What if this
whole D-X/DOA feud is supposed to make the "smart" fans think this is
really a "Clique"/Harris Brothers feud? Furthermore, Chainz (Brian Lee)
had a thing going against Rick Rude in ECW. Just maybe we're supposed to
think that Rude got D-X to hate Chainz when he was part of the group
(before leaving for WCW). "The enemy of my friend is also my enemy," or
something like that. I said it was a goofy theory.
Back in the ring Los Boricuas are celebrating with D-X. Before we get a
chance to really ponder the horror of them joining the group, Chyna lays
Savio and Jose out with low blows from behind. Pedigrees and chairshots
follow.
- Shane McMahon has joined in the conversation in the back, attempting to
talk his father out of fighting Austin. "You don't think I can take him?"
asks McMahon. Shane compares this match to a time when he was nearly
killed speeding on a motorcycle. Brisco and Patterson say they know Vince
and think he can beat Austin. Shane says that's a bunch of crap.
Okay, this angle has officially reached the "compelling" level.
- Vince McMahon makes the long walk to the ring alone. Delaying the start
of the next match, he talks about how the WWF has been his "heritage",
mentioning his grandfather, father and children. He says the WWF has
"always been about honor and integrity: qualities sorely lacking in our
current World Wrestling Federation Champion. Stone Cold Steve Austin has
no honor. Stone Cold Steve Austin has no integrity. I know the decision
I'm about to make here tonight would not sit that well with those that
have preceded me. Nonetheless, sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's
gotta do. And so in answer to the question 'will I fight Stone Cold Steve
Austin in this ring tonight?' The answer is 'oh hell yeah!'" The crowd
goes nuts, realizing that they will see the end of Vince McMahon in
little more than an hour. Jim Ross begins complaining about McMahon's
foolish decision. Patterson and Brisco come out to shake his hand and pat
him on the back. Ross leaves the desk, vowing to use what little power he
has in the company to stop the match from happening.
- BRIAN CHRISTOPHER/SCOTT TAYLOR vs. AGUILA/PANTERA
No match. The lights lower and out comes the Undertaker, who demolishes
everyone but Christopher. The Undertaker calls out Kane, saying he will
show him what evil is really about. He essentially challenges him to a
match later in the show.
- Kevin Kelly files a report from the back, setting up a clip taped during
the commercial. Jim Ross is arguing with Patterson and Brisco that
McMahon will get killed. Shane is on his side. McMahon himself stops
pacing in the shower, comes out and orders Shane to get his gym bag from
the car. Shane says this is the dumbest decision he's ever made.
McMahon says it may well be. Ross makes his feelings known. McMahon
orders him to go back out and do his job.
- Tennessee Lee introduces Jeff Jarrett. Leaflets drop from the ceiling
hyping Jarrett's appearance at the upcoming PPV, where he's scheduled to
sing with the Sawyer Brown band. Bleah.
- "DOUBLE J" JEFF JARRETT vs. TAKA MICHINOKU
Steve Blackman deliver comments from the back regarding how he'll get his
hands on Jarrett some day. The match itself never gets on track as Klub
Kamikaze runs in and attacks Taka. The ref throws the match out. Jarrett
slaps on a meaningless Figure Four afterward.
- Steve Austin says he isn't surprised that McMahon accepted the match,
since he'd be receiving a beating either way. He admits that the advice
McMahon has taken from Patterson and Brisco is bad advice.
- McMahon, dressed in workout gear, looks on as Patterson and Brisco show
him how to counter the Stone Cold Stunner. Ross declares that the WWF
will be torn apart when McMahon is hospitalized at the hands of Austin.
- Faarooq, with new theme music, comes to the ring and calls out Rocky
Maivia and the Nation of Domination. He says he'll give Rocky another
chance to kick his ass. Rocky and the NOD come out to the stage. Maivia
makes light of Faarooq's challenge, saying he'll lay the smack-down on
Faarooq whenever he pleases. Rocky warns Faarooq to get ready for his
beating. Faarooq gives him the old NOD salute. Rocky laughs, until he
realizes that Steve Blackman and Ken Shamrock have come out behind him.
They chase the Nation to the ring and a brawl ensues for the next few
minutes.
- Terry Funk--"Chainsaw" Charlie no more--comes to the ring. There he
brings out his new tag team partner to replace Cactus Jack. He says his
new partner is hardcore. Of all the guys rumored, 2 Cold Scorpio only
turns out to be a minor disappointment. Funk says the WWF never gave
Scorpio a serious chance, but that he would. The crowd reaction is mostly
positive.
- TERRY FUNK/2 COLD SCORPIO vs. THE QUEBECERS
The crowd chants "ECW!" The match is quick, with 2 Cold getting the pin
following a sweet looking 450 Splash.
They immediately start the second hour.
WWF WAR ZONE Hosted By: Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler.
- Luna comes to the ring and calls out Sable. They cut away to the War Zone
intro. Back to the action "Sable" comes to the ring. Yes, Goldust is at
it again. Goldust poo-poo's over a house mic as Luna rips his evening
dress off. The crowd gets a good laugh, but really reacts when the real
Sable runs out. Sable and Luna go at it for a few moments, tearing some
of each other's clothes.
- Steve Austin is shown getting into his wrestling gear.
- KEN SHAMROCK/STEVE BLACKMAN vs. THE MIDNIGHT EXPRESS (w/ Jim Cornette)
Shamrock and Dan Severn, who is part of Cornette's group, share a brief
stare-down before the ref sends Severn from the ringside area. We're
obviously going to get a slow build for that one. As the match starts
Ross complains about Bob Holly and Bart Gunn's nicknames, refusing to
call them "Bombastic" and "Bodacious" any more. The match is very simple,
going back-and-forth with little of note happening. After just a few
minutes of action the ref calls for the bell, DQ'ing both teams for not
listening to his instructions. We going to get any actual wrestling
tonight?
A quick shot of McMahon continuing his preparations.
- Kevin Kelly gets a few comments from his boss in the back: "I'd be lying
to you if I didn't tell you I've got butterflies in my stomach. But
afraid? I proved I wasn't afraid of the United States government. I'm
sure as hell not afraid of Ted Turner and Time/Warner. I'm not afraid of
the big bad wolf. And I sure as hell am not afraid of Stone Cold Steve
Austin!" The crowd can actually be heard popping for McMahon after the
Turner remark. Commissioner Slaughter has joined Patterson and Brisco in
cheering Vince on.
- The Head Bangers are waiting in the ring for a match, but fall victim to
another appearance by the Undertaker. One gets Tombstoned, while the
other is chokeslammed. The lights go out again and Kane appears on the
stage. Paul Bearer tells the Undertaker that he and Kane will fight, but
that he'd have to wait until next week, and that the two would fight in
the cemetery where the Undertaker's parents are buried. The crowd isn't
too happy that the two wouldn't be fighting this week.
They cut to the back, where Austin has begun making the journey through
the hallways to the ring.
- This week's Val Venis clip airs. Video distortion is needed to cover up
some of the naughty bits of the naked women hanging around him.
- D-X make their way to the ring, followed by Owen Hart. Owen challenges
any member of the group to a match. Helmsley says they held a theme
writing contest and that Billy Gunn was the one who won the privilege of
facing Owen. Owen is backed up by LOD 2000 and Sunny. They cut away from
the ring to a shot of McMahon pumping some iron as they head into the
commercial break.
- OWEN HART (w/ LOD 2000 & Sunny) vs. "MR. ASS" BILLY GUNN (w/ D-X)
Owen and Gunn wrestle a solid match, only diminished slightly by the poor
color commentary provided by Helmsley and X-Pac. The LOD keep the other
D-X members from interfering. After at least ten minutes of action the
match ends when Owen rolls up Gunn from behind for the pin (Gunn caught
off guard because he was celebrating a powerslam he'd just performed).
During the match Ross announces that there would be no more commercial
breaks taken during the final fifteen minutes of the show. After the
match they immediately cut to the back to a shot of McMahon making his
way through the halls. McMahon, still possessing the lingering vestiges
of a huge physique, swaggers to the ring. Ross asks who will run the WWF
when McMahon is injured, then exclaims that he just bought a new house
and how would he pay off the mortgage if McMahon's demise shuts the
company down. Shane comes to the ring and tries one last time to talk his
father out of it, but is gently steered from the ring by McMahon and his
handlers. Ross, forgetting that 54 year old Terry Funk held a title just
a few weeks ago, says the WWF isn't the company that has senior citizens
as their champions.
Steve Austin comes to the ring. In the process of going from corner to
corner he bumps into McMahon. The ref takes the World Title belt and
holds it up in the air. McMahon takes the belt and holds it to his waist,
showing what it would look like there.
- "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN vs. VINCE MCMAHON
The ref brings the two together in the middle of the ring. Austin gives a
smirk to the crowd: a smirk which is wiped off his face by a slap from
McMahon. The two separate and are close to locking up, when McMahon gets
a microphone from Slaughter and reminds Austin about his boast that he
could beat McMahon "with one arm tied behind your back!" Austin give a
"yeah, but ... " look, but McMahon taunts him. "You got any guts? Are you
a man of your word?" Austin agrees and extends his left arm. "Oh no,"
says McMahon, "the Stunner arm!" Jerry Brisco ties Austin's right arm
behind his back, with McMahon exhorting him to "cinch it up, Jerry, cinch
it up!" After his arm is tied down Austin asks the crowd if they think he
can still beat McMahon with one arm tied behind his back? "Oh, hell
yeah!" McMahon then asks if they think HE can beat Austin with one arm
tied behind Austin's back? "Oh, hell NO!!!" Just priceless. McMahon
stalls a bit further by getting a last moment rub-down from Slaughter and
Brisco. The final icing on the cake is Brisco inserting a mouthpiece so
that Vince can protect his teeth. With everyone cleared from the ring,
Austin and McMahon stand ready in opposite corners to start the most
momentous Heavyweight Title match in the history of the World Wrestling
Federation.
Then Dude Love's music starts to play ...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Dude Love comes out and asks if everyone can't just get along? He
launches into a monologue about how he and Austin are tight (they were
WWF Tag Team Champions for a brief time), but that McMahon is the one who
signs the Dude's paychecks. Dude says he's vetoing this match. McMahon,
fed up with Mick Foley's antics (or so it seems), shoves him down from
behind. Dude gets up, declaring that McMahon made a big mistake, and goes
after him with the Mandible Claw! Before he can get it slapped on Austin
intervenes. Dude then slaps the claw on Austin, taking him down to the
mat. McMahon, seeing that there'll be no match, exits the ring, where
Shane and the others herd him away from the ring. Dude asks McMahon if
he'd like a piece and McMahon has to be held back from entering the ring.
Austin tries to fight Foley off, but he still has one arm tied behind his
back. Dude sends him into a guard rail down on the floor, then dumps him
on top of the announcer's desk. A cameraman is wiped out in all the
chaos. Dude perches on top of Austin, pounding on him as the show fades
off the air.
- Next week: Undertaker vs. Kane.
Comments:
For nearly two hours the WWF engaged in one of the most riveting, compelling
storylines ever. At the last moment they swerved everyone and pulled a
bait-and-switch which resulted in little more than a standard heel turn and
establishing the championship contender for the next PPV. I understand why
they did it, and taken as a whole it was a reasonable way to build up Foley
as Austin's next challenger. Still, I'd much, MUCH rather have seen the
match take place, as well as all the intriguing possibilities that could
have resulted from that. The eventual outcome heavily overshadows the
tremendous job done building up to the point, though I'm sure most people
(myself included) are most upset because, for just a moment, the WWF
suckered us into really believing the match was going to take place. We all
should have known better but, dammit, the WWF did it to us again!
Setting aside the storyline for a moment, which carried through the entire
show like no other angle I can think of offhand, this was, wrestling-wise,
one of the weakest shows in memory. With the exception of the Owen/Gunn
match, every other match on the card was either a squash, meaningless, or
for some reason didn't take place. They also again set up a number of
mystery surprises which didn't pay off, though as usual the fault there lies
both with the vague hype machine of the WWF, as well as the wishful thinking
of the fans. (No Abdullah the Butcher, no Pit Bulls, etc.)
Had the Austin/McMahon angle not been so masterfully executed this would
actually have gone down as a pretty bad installment of RAW. As it is,
though, it is the incredible execution of the angle which saved the show,
and makes it one of the most memorable ever.
I wonder if they might have done it differently had they realized fully what
the fan reaction would be like. I think the one thing no one really counted
on was how many fans McMahon himself seemed to win over just before the
appearance of Dude Love. I think McMahon, if anything, had earned a lot of
respect from the fans for what he was doing. Of course most just wanted to
see him stretchered out. Still, had the match actually taken place and
McMahon had given a good accounting for himself, he just may have received
a decent reaction. With the way things went down, though, I'm not sure how
much of the "good will" he generated will last. One has to admit, though,
that doing it this way he and the WWF ducked a lot of criticism that would
have been leveled at him from his long-time critics in regards to putting
himself over, his ego, and so on. Of course those same critics will now
complain about the swerve finish, so it was a no-win situation no matter
what he did in the eyes of those fans.
To echo the sentiment being voiced by many across the Internet: "oh what
might have been!"
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The Bottom Line:
Ratings ...
Nitro: 4.3 (Hour One: 4.4 / Hour Two: 4.2 / Hour Three: 4.4)
RAW: 4.6 (Hour One: 4.3 / Hour Two: 4.9)
Final Quarter Hour: Nitro: 4.3 / RAW: 6.0 (All-time record.)
If you've checked out some of the wrestling news sites, you've undoubtedly
heard that RAW has finally beaten Nitro in the ratings, ending Nitro's
winning streak at 83 weeks. This one win certainly won't diminish what WCW
accomplished during that streak, as Nitro truly did deserve to win on many
of those occasions. What this win does do, however, is justify to many WWF
fans their support of the promotion, and their claims that the WWF, while
not always the better of the two groups, was still deserving of some respect
for the quality product they often delivered. The WWF, and their fans, knew
that they couldn't win in a straight-up comparison of "big names", "quality"
wrestlers, or even in a comparison of money spent on production values. For
the last year-and-a-half the WWF has had to rely on innovation, originality,
some in-your-face shock value, and an overall superior ability to tell a
story in the ring. Not everything they've done has worked, and they've had
to endure some rocky times because of it, but in the end it has all served
to galvanize the support among the fans, as well as generate new ones and
attract WCW fans through their efforts. It's been a controversial approach:
abandoning the image of "sports entertainment" and foregoing the once very
lucrative children's market in favor of a more mature audience demographic.
They've had to endure talent injuries, roster defections, network tensions,
and a general sense of unease, unrest and distrust in the lockerroom.
What they've also done--to some extent--is prove me wrong. I never really
thought the WWF could win a ratings battle again without WCW simultaneously
suffering a serious slip of their own. Some may argue that that's precisely
what did happen. In a minor way I'd agree, but not to the extent to which I
thought would be necessary for Nitro to lose on a Monday night. How much of
this win was sheer novelty value and hype on behalf of the WWF, and how much
of it was a feeling on behalf of WCW fans that Nitro simply got boring and
repetitive ... well, there's no real way to know which was the deciding
factor. Next week's ratings will again be interesting because it would tend
to show which of the above two phenomena was at work this week. If RAW is
anywhere close to Nitro in the ratings, it'll prove that this comeback of
theirs is for real. I fully expect Nitro to win again next week, and for
many of the weeks after that. However, from here on out the ratings war
could go either way, and "business as usual" may no longer be enough to
ensure a ratings win for Nitro.
And on that subject for a moment, WCW has no one to blame but themselves.
They knew what was at stake this week. Sure, they'll downplay this loss like
crazy, but let's face some facts: aside from the ratings, WCW doesn't have
much of a lead on the WWF when it comes to any statistical or financial
data. House show attendance and earnings are booming for both, PPV buyrates
are close (with WrestleMania's buyrate zeroing in on a 2.2 or 2.3), the WWF
apparently leads in merchandise sales, as well as all foreign revenues. With
"who's better?" being a debatable topic with no solid winner or loser given
the differing tastes of the fans, all WCW really has to validate their claim
that they're "number one" is the TV ratings.
For at least one week the WWF gets to borrow that title from them. For at
least one week the numbers bear out what many WWF fans have felt for a long
time: that quality matters and that the WWF--like them or not--just may be
the "better" of the two promotions on occasion. The ratings may not be the
final word on the subject, and they may not prove anything as far as either
side goes, but for one week they serve as a validation and vindication of
the WWF and their fans. For one week, and perhaps many more to come after
that, the WWF is once again in the game on Monday nights.
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This Week's Winner: RAW.
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"Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 1998 by
John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those
of "Internet Access, Inc". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for
info on how to receive the "Recap" free via E-Mail every week.
Volume One, Number 126 of the "Monday Night Recap", April 13th, 1998.