Nights like this I go back to your playlist - it comforts me as if I was still there listening to your voice. The sound of you, vibrating through your chest as you sing so softly, almost whisper. The sound of us, syncing our heartbeats.

I realise now that I live in a sweet fantasy but I hope you don't mind if I keep listening until I find new melodies. Even the sound of cold December wind has reminded me of you lately.

I have so much to tell but are you willing to listen? A simple text seems too much but what if I sent this in a bottle? After all there’s just an ocean between us and you would find it eventually.

Do you even realise how afraid I am of letting anyone touch me because I know their hands are not as gentle as yours? Afraid, that the conversation is awkward, but not in the sweet way like ours were? Afraid, that they’re gonna take your place that wasn’t even yours?

We never had a bad moment. Could be the fact that we only knew each other for a while, but even when we disagreed, I never took it personally. Because I knew you never wanted to make me feel bad. I saw through you and felt the connection. I mean, you didn’t even know about my struggles but sensed that our minds were alike.

And that’s why it’s so hard. Because you never hurt me. You never said anything that made me feel bad about myself. You don’t have a bad bone in your body.

”You’re like human morphine” was what you said when we didn’t let each other sleep and I wonder if you ever went to rehab. If you have withdrawals, if you crave me as much as I crave you.

You came into my life at a strange time when I knew I had to go home and start building my life, but all I wanted to do was run barefoot on verdant meadows. Hang on the edge of the world until the last sunray with someone like you. You were my last escape.

And even though your voice haunts me on sleepless nights, I couldn’t be more grateful. Because, even if after I left you I washed my linen in salt water and stopped smoking and sent you those piteous messages and started smoking again, you taught me what I needed to learn at that time. Convinced me that the universe is so beautiful and so full of love. That there’s someone out there who will tolerate my silly insecurities.

There’s no future for us but know that I haven’t forgotten. I still wish I could hold you again. I wish I could kiss your neck and whisper you all my secrets.