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QUESTION: Popular writer, Mr. [Name Removed], insists that fiction writers should never use semicolons. What’s wrong with using semicolons?

ANSWER: Semicolons in fiction aren’t taboo. The idea of banning a punctuation mark in fiction is patently ridiculous. Ask popular fiction writer Jojo Moyes. The first line of her book Still Me contains a semicolon (and lots of other punctuation marks):

It was the mustache that reminded me I was no longer in England: a solid, grey millipede firmly obscuring the man’s upper lip; a Village People mustache, a cowboy mustache, the miniature head of a broom that meant business.

Jojo Moyes isn’t the only great writer to use semicolons, and no competent writer should eliminate them. To tell a writer not to use a semicolon would be like telling a painter not to use the color blue. Semicolons are an integral part of a writer’s toolbox. While some writing teachers advise beginning writers not to use semicolons, this advice does not apply to seasoned writers. A wise mother would not give a toddler a serrated knife, but that doesn’t mean she would carve a steak with a table knife. Semicolons should never be used randomly; however, there are times when only a semicolon will do.

Just as great musicians realize that people have eyes as well as ears and often choreograph their performances, great writers know that writing is more than printed words on a page. Because I have a musical background, I like to think about the way words sound when I read them aloud. So much meaning can be conveyed with punctuation. In music, a composer has to have a way to tell the musician how quickly a particular passage should be played, from Larghissimo (very, very slow) to Prestissimo (200 bpm and over). There are also ways for a composer to tell musicians to hold a certain note a little longer. Likewise, writers have different ways of punctuating sentences to control the flow.

In Keys to Great Writing: Mastering the Elements of Composition and Revision, Stephen Wilbers writes:

It [the semicolon] creates a pause shorter than the period, slightly shorter than the colon, and longer than the comma. To eliminate it entirely from your repertoire is to limit your range as a writer.

A semicolon is used to join to phrases in a way that suggests a connection. For example, consider the following:

Owning a violin is one thing; playing it is another.

“You teach yourselves the law, but I train your minds. You come in here with a skull full of mush; you leave thinking like a lawyer.” — Charles W. Kingsfield Jr., The Paper Chase

“Every person in this house almost flunked out of law school in their first year. It’s not hard to see why; they had broads on the brain.” — William Moss, Tutor, The Paper Chase

In each of the examples above, the independent clause immediately following each semicolon is related to the independent clause preceding the semicolon. The semicolon separates, but it still implies a link.

Look again at the first example:

Owning a violin is one thing; playing it is another.

Now look at some other ways to punctuate the same example:

Owning a violin is one thing, but playing it is another.

Owning a violin is one thing. Playing it is another.

Owning a violin is one thing—playing it is another.

Punctuation allows experienced writers to control the cadence and flow of their writing. Eliminating semicolons would prevent writers from having a full artistic range of expression. Remember the snippet of dialogue from the movie Amadeus:

Emperor Joseph II: My dear young man, don’t take it too hard. Your work is ingenious. It’s quality work. And there are simply too many notes, that’s all. Just cut a few and it will be perfect.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Which few did you have in mind, Majesty?

The thought of removing notes from Mozart’s compositions would make any musician cringe—just as I’d cringe if Jojo Moyes removed the semicolon from the opening line of her book Still Me.

There are no absolutes in writing. As Annie Proulx, who once won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, said:

You should write because you love the shape of stories and sentences and the creation of different words on a page. Writing comes from reading, and reading is the finest teacher of how to write.

Purple prose is a more derogatory term used to describe overwriting in its most extreme form. Such prose is seen most often in the work of newer writers trying too hard to make an impression. Discerning readers find this style irritating. Fortunately, there are questions writers can ask that, when answered in the affirmative, signal overwriting and/or purple prose.

Is it likely that the person reading the passage will have to pull out a dictionary?

A skillful writer introduces less common words in a way that readers can figure out the meaning from the context. Readers like learning new words, but the wise writer doesn’t bombard readers with too many unfamiliar words at once.

The previous sentence might be suitable for a medical journal, but in fiction, use common words.

Example rewritten:

She had an upset stomach.

Does a phrase draw attention to itself and not what’s happening in the story?

In carelessly written love scenes, the euphemisms chosen to describe body parts often cause laughter. For example, check out “Purple Prose and Bad Sex” by Liz Fredericks, and read the part about the manly acorns and wiry thatch. Enough said.

Could a phrase be shortened without losing any meaning?

Example:

Sue sat on the bed in the bedroom.

Beds are usually in the bedroom. Don’t state the obvious.

Example rewritten:

Sue sat on the bed.

Does the writing sound too old-fashioned or formal?

Example:

She accepted the dinner invitation with much gratification.

Opt for clarity.

Example rewritten:

She smiled and accepted the dinner invitation.

Could the writing be described as flowery?

The classic example of this is the first sentence of Edward George Bulwer-Lytton’s Paul Clifford:

“It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.”

A writing contest was inspired by this long sentence. Writers deliberately compose bad sentences that begin imaginary novels. Save wordy sentences for the contest.

Does the writing contain redundant words or phrases?

Example:

For any constituents endowed with even half a brain, this perpetual blather amounts to nothing more than mendacious prevarication.

In addition to other issues with the previous sentence, the phrase “mendacious prevarication” is redundant.

Example rewritten:

Everyone knows that politicians lie.

Does the dialogue contain redundancies?

Example:

“You are so mean!” Jenna shouted. “I’ve never met anyone as nasty as you before. You are nothing but a bully. I don’t know how you can live with yourself.”

Each line after the first in the example above takes something away from the preceding line. Pick the best way to convey the character’s thoughts.

Example rewritten:

“I don’t know how you can live with yourself!” Jenna stomped out of the room.

To have another character repeat what Jenna said in a different scene would be equally wrong. The readers already know what was said, and they don’t want to read the same thing twice.

Example:

“You told Misty that you didn’t know how she could live with herself?” Jill asked.

Lisa fumbled with her keys and unlocked the door. She turned the knob slowly and walked inside. Her fingers slid up the wall until she found the light switch, and then she turned on the light. She remembered a piece of chocolate cake that she’d put in the refrigerator and bolted to the kitchen.

Such detailed descriptions are tedious to read. When writing a thriller, an author might describe a character’s actions in detail before something exciting happens, but the reader will feel let down if nothing significant takes place after such a big build-up.

Example rewritten:

Lisa hurried inside and bolted to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator door and spotted a lone slice of chocolate cake. Yummy!

The revised example provides only the necessary information.

Are distracting dialogue tags used?

Most of the time, use “said” (or “asked”). On rare occasions, a different dialogue tag might work, but it should never draw attention to itself in a way that removes the focus from the dialogue. Think of using dialogue tags the way a chef uses cayenne pepper.

Example:

“I can’t believe you painted the walls purple,” Kelly expostulated.

In this example, the word “expostulated” draws attention to itself.

Example rewritten:

“I can’t believe you painted the walls purple.” Kelly rolled her eyes and walked out of the room.

In the revision, the emphasis remains on the action in the story, rather than the unusual word.

Does the writing lack clarity?

Example:

She cast her oceanic eyes downward to gaze upon the enchanting denizens of the deep as they flitted about the aqueous realm.

Writers who try too hard, in a misguided attempt to sound literary, often confuse readers. Use plain English.

Example rewritten:

Her eyes widened as she looked down at the irresistible fish swimming in the pond.

The revised version is clear and easy to understand.

Are similes and metaphors used inappropriately?

Clement C. Moore makes extensive use of similes and metaphors in his Christmas poem, “A Visit From St. Nicholas,” but most of the time, similes and metaphors should be used sparingly. Avoid clichés. Click here for some examples of bad similes and metaphors from student essays. For some excellent examples of similes and metaphors, see Pablo Neruda’s “Sonnet XI.”

Is the dialogue so wordy or filled with backstory that it sounds unnatural?

Example:

“As you know, Kelly,” Erin said, “Mrs. Smith found a baby boy on her doorstep many years ago and adopted him as her own. Do you remember when you told me about it? You said that he had a very rare blood type.”

The snippet above is an example of reader feeder dialogue. The characters relay information they both already know for the benefit of the reader. In natural dialogue, when both characters know something, they reveal less.

Example rewritten:

“I hope Mrs. Smith can find a blood donor for her son,” Erin said.

Are descriptions excessive?

Example:

The candy, red and white in color and round in shape, smelled very much like peppermint. Wrapped in a clear wrapper, each piece was about an inch in diameter and had the hardness of a candy cane. About fifty pieces of candy filled the sparkling crystal bowl. A sign above the bowl said “one per person,” but Katy slipped two pieces into the pocket of her ragged wool coat.

Lengthy descriptions are tedious to read. Give the reader only the pertinent details.

Example rewritten:

The ball-shaped red and white candy in the crystal bowl smelled like peppermint. A sign above the bowl said “one per person,” but Katy slipped two pieces into the pocket of her ragged wool coat.