It’s sometimes hard to separate reality from make-believe, and maybe that’s why I’m having such a hard time dealing with the passing of Robin Williams. I did not know him, except as his characters in movies, but I feel so empathetic towards him because I know how it feels to always project a happy facade when you feel like your world is crumbling from the inside and there’s nothing you can do about it. I know my grief is disproportionate to my lack of relationship, but it feels personal to me because I know how it feels to hurt so badly. I know the wounds that bleed endlessly, and the smiles and laughs that I use to cover the pain. I’ve had a hard time finding my happy place this week. I feel lost and abandoned, even though nothing in my life has really changed. Well, except for one thing. The one I call my other half is out of town somewhere and that’s a physical pain not knowing where he is, and that I can call on him when things get truly dark for me. I feel like I’m drowning in sorrow and I don’t know when that will go away. I know I’m strong enough to beat it, but that it will exhaust me and emotionally drain me before I reach that point. To that end, I’m finally posting my entire list of 100 things that made me happy. Today, I’ll name one more. My mom praised me on how she knows she can depend on me for all things computer/technology related. Tomorrow, I’ll try to find number 102. Maybe I need to start searching out my happiness in the little things again, so that the big picture isn’t so overwhelming.

Day 36 – Sunday 5/25 = scarf is nearly complete. Actually, the scarf is completely complete. I sewed up the ends of it and turned it into an infinity scarf. It turned out so well that I had a couple friends ask if I’d make them one.
Day 37 – Monday 5/26 = homemade chili & fresh French bread. Mom made homemade chili, which went very nicely with the crusty French bread that I had picked up at the market earlier in the day.
Day 38 – Tuesday 5/27 = had fun watching Tiggy & Mandy playing together. It’s so nice to see the two cats playing together, without the running and hissing that they did in the beginning.
Day 39 – Wednesday 5/28 = disability payments started. Now all I have to do is wait for a check to arrive. It will be nice to have money to pay bills with again. It’s been stressing me out a bit.
Day 40- Thursday 5/29 = new haircut and colour. Saw my hairstylist Nik, who stripped the very last of the purple and blue from my hair and coloured it a lovely caramel, fading to blonde at the ends, with some blonde and copper high/low lights thrown in for depth.
Day 41 – Friday 5/30 = cleaned my room. I don’t have the ability to do much these days because my knee hurts if I use it for too long, but I was able to clean and organize my room and clean out stuff I no longer need or want.
Day 42 – Saturday 5/31 = drove around with the top down. It’s a simple pleasure, but it’s wonderful to drive around on a perfect day with the top down on the convertible.

Yes, I’m late getting this posted. It’s been a rough week for me here in week 6, and I’m struggling mentally, but I’ll get through it. There has to be at least one thing that makes me happy every day, right?

Day 29 – Sunday 5/18 = drove to the store by myself. For the first time since surgery (only 4 days previous), I was given permission to drive my car again, as long as it wasn’t for a long period, and that I was careful about moving my knee too much.

Day 30 – Monday 5/19 = lunch/bay with Isaac. My friend Isaac came and picked me up (and then I let him drive my Z) and we went down to the bay to sit in the sun and hang out, and then went to my favorite brewpub (Coronado Brewing Company) and had lunch.

Day 31 – Tuesday 5/20 = massage. I treated myself to a massage to de-stress.

Day 32 – Wednesday 5/21 = new purse. After discovering that my traditional shoulder purses are not practical for use while on crutches, I searched and searched and finally found a really cute cross-shoulder bag that is roomy enough to carry everything I need, but small enough to stay out of my way.

Day 33 – Thursday 5/22 = stitches removed. I will admit I was happy about it at the time, but I wasn’t happy Friday afternoon when the right incision opened back up again, just 10 minutes before my surgeon’s office closed.

Day 34 – Friday 5/23 = started crocheting a scarf. The last time I picked up my crochet needle and did anything besides move it from one box to another was over 12 years ago, when I made my son a baby blanket. After a week of mostly boredom (there’s only so much reading one can do before one’s eyes cross), I decided to crochet something. It turned out to be a scarf.

Day 35 – Saturday 5/24 = meeting with friends. Went up to Amy’s house to meet with our fundraiser committee and had a great time laughing and talking, but also getting things finalized for the fundraiser on the 6th.

I’m not sure where I heard about this, but it was probably somewhere on the internet. The basic premise is that you write down one item each day that makes you happy. It doesn’t have to be anything big, it can be something small that just makes you happy. The one rule is that you can’t repeat any of your “happiness” items. At a minimum, list a one (or two or three) word response stating what made you happy, and then you can expound on the item. I’d like to see other people participate, because I’d like to see what makes other people happy. My expanded list will be here on my blog, but I’ll write a summary on my Facebook for those who don’t read my blog. If you are participating, use the hashtag #100DaysofHappiness so that other people can see your lists. I won’t be posting once a day, but gathering notes for each week so I can add them in batches.

Day 1 — April 20 = Brunch! My sweet and wonderful friend made me mimosas and French toast for brunch, just because

Day 2 — April 21 = Goofing off. I spent a good hour just playing with them down on the floor and having fun while they jumped and chased after each other

Day 3 — April 22 = Cat adoption. It was my first ever chance to listen in on an Adoption Counselor call (a position I’m training for) and it was wonderful to hear how happy the applicant was when she was approved for her chosen kitty.

Day 4 — April 23 = Friends. I went and visited a friend after work, and had a lively discussion about costume design, cats, politics, and other random items (she’s quickly becoming a very close friend, which is surprising for a woman), and then I stopped by the PetCo that I semi-volunteer at and spent time with the center lead whom I hadn’t seen in a couple months because our schedules were so different.

Day 5 — April 24 = Tiggy. He is my unofficial therapy cat (although I’m working on getting him certified). He always knows when there is something wrong with me, and he cuddles with me and curls up on top of me to let me know he’s there for me.

Day 6 — April 25 = Rain! I love the rain; I always have. It started pouring down in buckets and I loved getting to listen to the sound of it as it freshened the air outside and washed away all the excess dirt and pollution.

Day 7 — April 26 = Clean car. After the heavy rain last night, my car has a layer of water all over it, which I can then dry off and I don’t have to waste water while still making my car look extra pretty and shiny.