How To Tell What Kind of Person Someone is Based on Tattoos

Tattoos are bigger than ever. 36% of adults 18 to 25 have at least one tattoo and there are over 20,000 tattoo shops in America today. There are also about that many reality shows about tattoos on Spike TV alone. Who are the kind of people getting tattoos and do they have any meaning? Probably more than the people getting them think.

Tramp Stamp

99.9% of tramp stamps or “lower back tattoos” as some girls blindly call them, are given to women. That small fraction of men who have one are not to be trusted. As for the ladies who have them, you’re dealing with one of two types of girls. The first is the one who was not consciously aware that this tattoo is basically an arrow pointing to her ass and the second is the type who was aware of this fact. Both can be delightful and charming but only the second kind is an honest and well adjusted human being who can take a joke and is generally fun to be around. The first can easily become offended simply by virtue of her curious naiveté and the fact she doesn’t like you referring to that little pair of angel wings as a “target.”

Knuckle tats

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An old cliché now, tattoos across the knuckles generally spell out some clever yet short message. Love and hate used to be the traditional ones, but maybe you want to get “Taco Bell.” The sky’s the limit with four letter words. So who’s willing to do this to their hands, to give the world a quick, concise message without even saying a word on first meeting? Odds are you’ve got someone who’s at least a little bit witty and unpredictable, but also quite possibly unstable. It’s clever and fun to have a quick four letter message tattooed on your, but don’t forget you see it best when the person is showing you their fist.

Face Tat

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Who gets a tattoo on their face? Mike Tyson has a face tattoo, as do a number of felons around the country. To get a face tattoo you have to be fully aware that you’re marking your face, permanently, for reasons that likely boil down to you thinking it will make you look cooler. Permanent marks on your face to make you look cool. If you’re right now thinking people with face tattoos are goofy or stupid, backburner that thought and consider how utterly insane they must also be. These people have nothing to lose in life. Do you have the balls to get a face tattoo? Hell no. And you must never mock the kind of person who does have one to their face, because 9 out of 10 of those people are probably 2 minor inconveniences in their day away from murder.

Non-English Script

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Japanese, Chinese and every so often something like Hebrew, you will rarely ever see such a tattoo on a Japanese or Chinese person. And while there’s nothing technically wrong with appreciating the style of another language, there is something to be said for the number of tattoos produced at the height of this fad that were done in backrooms by tattoo interns at the behest of people who did poor research and ended up with mistranslated words or botched, gibberish lettering. The lesson being, if you want something written on you in Chinese, maybe ask a Chinese person to write it. The people who got these tattoos without doing such research are clearly impatient, gullible and possibly closet drunks.

Butthole tattoo

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Not to be mistaken with a tattoo of a butthole, this means a tattoo on your butthole. It’s rare but probably not as rare as you’d think. What kind of person gets a butthole tattoo? Evidence seems to suggest only the most truly unstable, mad as a hatter types of lunatics and, occasionally, porn stars.

Tribal

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One of the most overdone styles of art in the last 25 years of tattooing, Tribal tattoos are meant to stylistically mimic the art and design of Polynesian tribal tattoos, thought to be some of the first tattoos ever. A good way of judging the character of anyone with a modern tribal tattoo is to ask what tribe they’re a part of. Depending on the answer you get you can determine that this person is someone with a deeply held respect for tradition, or an easily influenced sheeple.

Finger Tattoos

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Tiny tattoos on your fingers, popularized with the mustache tattoo, have taken off in the last decade. They’re also bad ideas because finger tattoos don’t last by virtue of their location – they require numerous touch ups to keep them looking their best. That means the person getting their finger tattooed is either one of those fly-by-night aloof types who don’t care that their ink is going to look crappy until they go get it fixed or they’re just a bandwagon jumper who thought a finger tattoo looked clever and researched it in no way whatsoever. In either event, don’t trust them with your cash or children.

Portrait

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Good portrait or bad, there’s one of two possibilities for the person who gets a photorealistic tattoo done – they’re either a gambler or a complete bonehead. The reason for this is obvious once you’ve seen one brutally rendered terrible mistake of a portrait. To risk doing that to yourself means you either have the utmost faith in this artist, or you have no idea what the hell is going on and you were probably drinking before you showed up. Either way this person is a risk taker.