Thursday, May 10, 2012

Guys, I am very jet set. Remember how I recently went to South Korea? Well, today, I'm going to OHIO, Y'ALL.

No, I'm actually excited. I'm originally from the Cleveland area, and 5,676,876,987 members of my family still live there. I love them! And I love Ohio! Time for a quick visit. This time, I'm flying into Toledo on sexy budget airline where a ticket costs a threepenny bit and a sack of rye and barley (plus $35 per bag). I expect it to be like this.

Anyway, I'll be back Monday. I wanted to leave you the rest of OBITCHUARY, chapter 9, in which Penny attempts to extract her sullen sister from the handicapped stall of Hal's Bridal Emporium. There will be much smoking, much brooding, much spraying of cucumber melon body spray. And there might be a guest appearance by Cindy Crawford. Oh, just go watch!

Also, subscribe the YouTube channel if you are so inclined. YouTube invited me to put ads on my page at like 2 a.m. last night. I was all excited and brushing dirt off my shoulders like I was Jay-Z. I realize this is pretty normal and probably also happened to my 12-year-old neighbor, a gerbil with a keyboard, and the man who hoses the urine off downtown buildings. But LET ME ENJOY A TASTE OF LEGITIMACY.

You can also catch up on all the chapters here. See you soon, if I don't get choked out by a boa constrictor living in the luggage compartment.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Chapter 9 (part 1) is a delectable mini-morsel of storytelling in which you will meet PENNY'S BRIDESMAID DRESS OF TERROR, as illustrated by my right index finger and Microsoft paint, natch. Behold the pink!

To refresh, in the last chapter, Penny realized she kind of liked Mark, the creepy guy at work. Now she's in an existential crisis about it. Unfortunately, she has to go through it under the florescent lights of HAL'S BRIDAL EMPORIUM with her cray-cray cousin, Ashley, and her cig-sucking sister, Nicole.

Interestingly, Penny's existential crisis coincides with my own, which you can read a little bit about here, if you're interested. It was hard, but I pulled myself out of the Ben and Jerry's to bring you a new video. Thank me one day. Um. Today is wide open for me.