Pope says condoms acceptable to prevent spread of Tory peers

Pope Benedict has today shocked members of the Catholic church by agreeing that the use of condoms is justified in some situations, such as to prevent the spread of dangerous conditions such as being a Tory peer.

In a press conference at the Vatican the pontiff told reporters 'In my opinion these Conservative peers are seriously out of touch with modern society - and that's coming from me! In view of this I am sure that God would want to prevent them from breeding at all costs, and therefore I accept that contraception is necessary to prevent them from reproducing similarly vile offspring.'

He went on to suggest that a vow of celibacy might be an even better idea for all politicians, as 'it works really well for us Catholic priests'.