Followers

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Julius started asking me about getting a wig. No not for me...for him.
Silly me...I thought he was referring to his head, but apparently he
needs to catch up with his older brothers and he is looking for some
armpit hair! Oy!

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

I'm so glad my kids don't have self-esteem issues. Do they have a down
day once in awhile....sure, but for the most part they are secure with
themselves. It could be their genetic make-up or being raised by a blunt
speaking, Italian/French mother...I don't know. It got my attention when I heard DeJon in the kitchen and then the conversation ensued. Devan: What? I'm making my lunch for tomorrow.Dejon*laughing*: You're not going to use that lunchbox are you?Devan: What's wrong with The Avengers?Dejon: Dude, you're in 8th grade. *laughs*Devan: Mom, do you think people will make fun of me if I bring an
Avengers lunchbox to school or should I just go with a good ole' fashion
brown paper bag.Me: Oh, Devan honey...if they wanted to laugh at you they would have done it by now!Dejon*rolls on floor laughing*Devan(sighs): Okay...Where's the Buzzlight Year one?Me: In the cupboard by the sink.Devan: Thanks.Michael(17 year old): What? You can't use the Buzzlight Year one...that's the one I use!

Sunday, December 21, 2014

I
like to keep glass jars with lids. You know...pickle jars, relish jars,
etc, because you never know when you'll need them for a school project
or whatever. In my case, I save them so when the boys ask for a jar to
capture one of those outdoor creatures (they capture and release) to
study it I have them. It certainly beats them taking my Tupperware
outside...which has totally happened.

Yesterday, Julius said, "Mom, do you have a glass jar with a lid?" I said, "Why yes, I do."
I figured they wanted to catch lightening bugs outside, as they are a
plethora of them along our tree line. However, I asked anyways. That was
probably my first mistake. "What are you trying to catch?" Julius
responded, "I'm trying to catch my fart to see if I can capture the
smell." Two of his brothers burst out laughing, as I said, "Julius
that's disgusting." He said, "No, its an experiment. Do you think it'll
work?"

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Isaiah: I like your eyes when they're kind of brown, Mom.Me: Isaiah, they're not brown...they're a hazel which is bit green and
brown together. They only get brighter green if I'm crying.Isaiah: Really?! I wish I had that super power!

Huh? I wasn't aware I had super power outside of plunging a clogged toilet!

Sunday, December 14, 2014

I was watching Pool Masters with Julius! The host of the show is
notorious for skinny dipping in the beginning of the episode...I think
he's one of those purist people. They blur out the nekkid parts.
Anyways, he's a hoot! This is Julius's first time watching it, so this
is how our conversation went.

Me: This guy designs and buildings pools that look like ponds, but they're really swimming pools.Julius(wrinkles his nose): Do you smell like frogs when you get out?Me: Frogs smell?Julius *eyes divert back to the television and open wide*Me: Yeah, he likes to skinny dip.Julius: What's skinny dip?Me: He swims in his birthday suit.Julius: *Looks back at the television and eyes open wider*: Well, don't
look now...his birthday suit just fell off and he's naked!

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

My take on the teenage years: It's like riding a seesaw with the
neighborhood bully. At times you are up on the high end. The view looks
amazing and everything seems all clear. Then within a heartbeat...the
bully jumps off and you land flat on your arse wondering what the heck
just happened!

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Julius: Do we have ketchup?Me: Just the organic stuff.Julius: No way.Me: Yeah, you guys don't like the taste of it.Julius: It taste like butt. Not regular butt, but big butt and if you think I'm kidding...I got two words for you. I'm Not!

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

The
17 year old is getting ready for prom. It's his Junior Prom, but the
GF's Senior Prom. I told him that its customary to go out to dinner
first...at least that's how we used to do it. The boy has never gone to
a sit down restaurant alone, nor has he ever paid. That's what parents
are for. So last night the questions began.

Michael: How does a restaurant work?Me: You mean like if you run it as a business?Michael: No, when you go eat at one. Does it cost money to just sit down at the table?Me: Nooooo....you pay for whatever you order and the tip.Michael: So like $30?Me: I'm thinking more.Michael: Well, how much do pancakes cost?Me: Please don't tell me your taking poor Brandy to Ihop for prom?!Michael Noooooo! How about Olive Garden? Me: You're getting warmer.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

This past summer was a looooonnnnggggg one! On the first day of vacation the voices came from over the stairs!Julius: Open up this door and no one will get hurt!!!Muffled voice: No! Go away!Julius: I mean it!!! Open up!Me: What is going on up there?Julius: Dejon won't open his bedroom door.Me: Why do you need to go into Dejon's room?Julius: I have to give him something.Me: What do you have to give him?Julius: I have to fart.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Once upon a time there was a little girl with curly,
honey-colored hair named Jenna. She was
her mommy’s pride and joy.The mommy
would dress Jenna in frilly clothes, big bows and braid her hair. The mommy
loved to drive everywhere with her 2 year old baby girl. They would drive from
Dayton into Biddeford to do their errands.On their trip the mommy would love to listen to the little girl’s
thoughts, and her mom would smile at how smart and beautiful she was.However, while they were sitting at a traffic
light…it became very quiet, but before the mommy could look to see if her
little girl had fallen asleep she saw the couple in the lane next to them
giggling and looking at her car. That’s
when the mommy looked in the rearview mirror and saw her beautiful,
honey-colored cherub with a finger shoved halfway up her nose.The mommy was mortified, because her little
baby girl had never done anything like this.So the mommy panicked to see her little angel doing something so grotesque
and freaked out. “Jenna! Don’t pick your nose! That’s….that’s not nice!”The little girl really didn’t react much to
her mother’s concern(that hasn’t changed in 26 years)and the little girl have her annoyed reply, “Don’t
worry Momma….I not gonna eat it!!!”The
mommy was digging(no pun intended) out a baby wipe when she said, “Well, I
suppose that’s a good thing and I should be somewhat relieved. Let’s wash your
hands, okay…..and maybe not do that ever again.”Then the little curly-haired toddler said, “Okay,
Mommy.” Then the little girl went back to talking about Freddy Kruger, because
she’s odd like that!!

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Paul(to Julius:) When did you sneak into our bed last night?Julius: When you were sleeping, and Mommy was awake, and Isaiah was sleeping. *giggles*Isaiah: I wasn't sleeping....I just pretended.Julius: Why, so you could have the room to yourself?Isaiah(smiles): Yup.Julius: Well played, Isaiah. Well played.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Julius
is laying on my bed staring at the ceiling fan. You know the wheels
are turning and I can see in his eyes that a question is coming. Julius: Did you guys buy that fan on the ceiling?Me: It came with the house.Julius: Oh. He studies it a bit longer.Julius: So you bought the house and it came with a ceiling fan?Me: Yes.Julius: Well, I think you should have bought a ceiling fan that came with a house. Wouldn't that have been cheaper?Me(laughing): Yes, Julius it would have been waaaayyyyyy cheaper.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Julius: You know what
they say, "The more, the better." Me: You mean..."It's more, the merrier." Julius: "The more, the merrier"...that doesn't even make any sense. What
are you trying to say?"Me: "It's more, the merrier." It means the
same thing you're saying." Julius(shaking his head): It doesn't even
make sense.

At least he's not saying "The more, the more gooder" like
he used too! I think we're heading in the right direction.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Isaiah: Mom, I was watching this movie the other day and they had like one of those ancient phones.Me: Really?Isaiah: Yeah, you know...it had a cord and was connected to the wall. I think it comes from the 90's!Good grief! I might as well curl up and die now!

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Me: Isaiah I have a quest for you. While I'm at writer's group I want you to go on the computer and find out what the capital of Egypt is and tell me what continent it is in.Isaiah: What?! Say that again.Me: I want you to find out the capital of Egypt and the continent its in.Isaiah: Wait, wait, wait....go back. The capital of Egypt. *His brows creased* It's E! What was the other thing you wanted to know?Me: Oy Vey! Am I really failing this bad at home schooling, Isaiah? It's not like you don't know this stuff. You learned what the capital of North Carolina was last year in school.Isaiah: It's N!

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Julius cuddling up to me while I was writing tonight. He kept grabbing
at my arm to hold him. I said, "Boy, you really like that arm, don't
you?" He said, "I like your arm...and your head. I like all your body
parts." I said, "I see. Thank you." No bonding issues here.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

I have a pre-teen boy and over the last couple of years he's had an aversion to soap and water. This is a typical conversation between us.Me: When is the last time you took a shower?Pre-T: Ummmm......on......Sunday.....of this month!Me(smh): Oh, good.....we still have one more Sunday in the month, so were good!Conversation between us over New Year's holiday.Me: If you are not going to take an active interest in your hygiene....you are not letting your afro grow out.

Pre-T: I am taking care of it.

Me: Ummmm...ya, no you are not. I can literally envision those Mucinex guys setting up camp on your scalp, sitting on their couch playing Call of Cootie on their PS3!

Conversation this morning....after Pre-Teen has taken a shower for three days in a row.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Julius: I had so much fun going to the grocery store with Daddy today.Me(laughs): You did?Julius: Yeah! We got pears and their was free samples...and you know how much I love food! Me: Yes, yes I do.Julius: It was awesome.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Isaiah had a birthday party to go to at one of the neighbor's today. I thought it was at 4p.m., but it started at 3p.m. I was in the car driving home from writer's group, but no biggie his friend lives three houses down from ours. I'm on the cell phone with Isaiah and said, "Just put on a nice outfit, brush your teeth, grab a jacket and DeAnthony will walk you over." I picked him up at 7p.m.Apparently, my definition of "put on a nice outfit" is different from his which consist of a polo shirt, Nike athletics shorts, no socks, sneakers and no jacket! Oy Vey!!!!! When I asked Dejon why he let him leave like that he said, "Yeah, I was wondering about his clothes." This is why I never leave my house!!! Common sense people!

Sunday, September 28, 2014

A friend posted this pic on Facebook the other day. Julius was looking over my shoulder and I explained to him that some men wear kilts in Scotland, so it would be hard to tell which bathroom was for women and which one was for the men.

He said, "I can tell you right now which one is which."

I gave him a skeptical look, but I was intrigued and wanted to hear what his thoughts. "How can you tell?"

He shrugged his shoulders said, "It's easy. It's the one on the left....women have bigger heads."