Have Some Milspouses Been Holding Out on the Rest of Us?

5 Mar 2008

I could be wrong. Indeed, I could.

And I want to believe. Indeed, I do.

But I'm not buying it. I am....head down....a cynic.

I don't believe that a piece of putty can fix a broken link in a chain, and then render that chain capable of holding up a concrete block. You know why? Because it that were true I would know about it firsthand. How, you ask? Because every military spouse I know would have a stash in his/her garage. I know Homefront Six would. Forget hammers and nails and drills and screws. Forget handymen. No, we'd need only to cut a piece of putty, knead it with our fingers and then stick it on a wall or a car part or a leaking pipe or a chain link.

Guess what else I don't believe? I don't believe that those bags keep your fruits and vegetables fresh for up to 30 days. You know why I don't believe this? Because, once again, military spouses would be buying them in bulk. I mean, really....

Who wants to go to the commissary more often than they absolutely have to?

And speaking of fruits and vegetables, I love tomatoes. Love them. I've always grown them from the ground up, but apparently there is a product that will allow you to hang a planter and grow them upside down. Now that's something I could get behind. Or under, as it were.

Now, why hasn't the active milspouse scrap booking contingent been all over that fancy-looking cutting machine that has a back light and all those fancy-schmancy blades? Why, Guard Wife. Why?

I'll bet milspouses would love a product that makes urine spots disappear, wouldn't they? Especially during those nail-biting home inspections. But again, I've never heard another pet-owning milspouse say, "Hey, I bought this spray that made Fido's accidents disappear and I passed inspection with flying colors."

Oh, and no more lugging around all that Tupperware and those mish-mashed lids from duty station to duty station. I bet I have two full boxes of them. No worries, there's such a thing as smart lids now. They are compact, too. There's something to be said for space-saving items given the not-so-spacious places we sometimes find ourselves occupying. Reportedly, these lids do all kinds of amazing things. Again, I'm sure this is something military spouses could appreciate, for a variety of reasons.

You see, my husband once bought me one of those hand choppers that were supposed to be the latest and greatest in the chopping world. It was an awful product. Very ineffective. Since then, I've developed a hostility towards these things. But I could be wrong. Perhaps these products are as amazing as they appear to be on television. Perhaps the makers of these products are just so darn generous that they will double or triple the offer if I call right now. Perhaps there's a good explanation for why I haven't seen most of these products on store shelves. Maybe it's because once they arrive, they just fly off the shelves so fast that by the time I finally get there, they are already out of stock. Every single time.

Perhaps milspouses have secretly been using this stuff and holding out on the rest of us. But the way the grapevine works, I rather doubt that's the case. But again, I'm willing to concede I could be wrong here and that I've been missing out on the wonder products of my generation.

I've been threatening to buy some of these products just to confirm that my skepticism is well-placed. Each time a commercial comes on, I say as much to Mr. Andi. I think he's tired of hearing it. A couple of nights ago, he said to me, "Please, Andi. Please just order anything you want." So I think I will. And maybe I'll video blog my findings. It's a win-win proposition, really. Either my suspicions will be confirmed, or I'll discover new ways to make life easier and produce last longer - even the produce I grow myself. Upside down.

At the top, I said, "I'm not buying it." But maybe I will. What do you think I should test first? I just ask that you tell me quickly because if I call right now, I'll get a triple order...