Slightly Tilted: Broken Rememberers

My kids are not at all like elephants. Elephants are supposed to have great memories. My kids have no memory. At all. I don’t know what happened to it, but I think it is probably lost under their beds or crammed in their closet somewhere. I’ve given up on ever finding it again.

Some things they forget:

1. Daily chores and hygiene routines are always a surprise.

I tell my son to brush his teeth. I find him wandering the house looking for his yo-yo.

“Did you brush your teeth?”

“No, I’m looking for my yo-yo.”

“What are you supposed to doing?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re supposed to be in your bathroom brushing your teeth.”

“Oh, yeah.”

*Wanders off down the hall, looking for his yo-yo.

“Dude. Teeth.”

“Brush them? Now?”

“Yes!”

*My head explodes.

2. I always win because I AM THE MOM.

They sometimes (and by this I mean AT ALL TIMES) forget that my definition of any word wins because I am the mom. For example, food, as I define it, is a healthy, nutritious, and delicious way to fortify the body. Food, in my kids’ opinion, is packaged, unnaturally colored, sugar laden crap with no nutritional value at all.

“Nerds on top of ice cream is not real food and is not appropriate for dinner. Remember we had this conversation last night? Remember?”

“No. But mom…it is real food! I eat it!”

“You used to eat play dough! That’s not food either!”

3. Bedtime is not a negotiation.

There is a bedtime at our house. This is a magical time that my hubby and I look forward to because it means the kids are not with us. They are not in our field of vision. We can’t hear them. As two parents that homeschool and work from home, bedtime is our make-it-or-break-it time. The countdown to 8 PM is on from practically the minute we wake up in the morning.

There is no negotiation.

The kids try to negotiate every night.

I guess they can’t tell from our expressions and attitudes that we are in no mood for any hi-jinks from the two of them. They are good kids and they will be good kids in the morning. Right now…they need to go away to dreamland and daddy and I need to go to a kid-free land.

“But…it’s only 8!! I’m not tired yet!”

“I don’t care if you’re tired. I’m tired.”

“But…I’m hungry and thirsty and…”

“You just ate and there’s a cup. Get some water from the bathroom.”

“Bathroom water is grooooooossssss!”

“Why don’t you bring snacks and water to your room with you every night?”

“I forrrrrgggggeeeetttt!”

“You need to remember.”

“My rememberer isn’t working!”

“You must be tired.”

“I’m NOOOOOTTTTT!”

And there is the real reason for all the conflict in our house: their remeberers are broken.