Becoming the best version of yourself

Holidazed? Tis the Season for Reflection

“If I cut you off… Chances are you handed me the scissors because trust is like crumpling up a piece of paper. You can smooth it over as much as you want but it will never be the same again.”

I saw this quote the other day; it was not attributed to any one person so I can’t give him/her credit – but I am sharing it. Wow – such a visual and oh so very true!

This was the year that things were supposed to be so positive. I welcomed a new grandson in June, everyone healthy and happy. He joins his sister in bringing us much joy and a lot of “action”! In September my eldest got married to a lovely young woman so I welcomed another beautiful daughter n’law into the fold. There was much to smile about, I have the photos to prove it!!

Yet somehow it’s also been the most unsettling year. Trust has been broken on multiple fronts and my heart has taken some major blows. My “aloneness” has never been more in the forefront of my thoughts as it has been this year, a year that my family has actually expanded.

I have much to be thankful for; I can pay my bills, have a roof over my head, food on the table, my health and physical well being. Why is that not enough? Why do I keep thinking/hoping that there is more out there? Still hanging onto the belief of happily ever after and being in love is beginning to look futile.

That said, reality is that life isn’t easy and there will always be challenges and speed bumps. I do understand and accept that. The things that I’m talking about here are the hits that blind side you. I had certain assumptions about relationships that would never change, in the friends and family category, that were SO wrong. You reach out, you keep trying and that piece of paper that holds your trust keeps getting crumpled back up and thrown back at you. I’m so tired of trying to smooth out those wrinkles.

So yes, this year I’ve starting cutting people off. Yes, as in the above quote, they handed me the scissors. It’s awful, it’s painful, but in the end, if they have no problem hurting me that badly, then clearly I do not need them in my life as I continue my journey of hope and healing. How very sad for them that they are at a point in their lives where they feel it’s OK to hurt and break trust?

Bring on 2016, it’ll be a New Year with fresh starts, new friends, changing horizons, expanding goals and hopefully I will be able to retire those scissors.