He’s Not The One.

He’s not the one. Hi, My name is Mac and I am here to burst your little Cinderella day dream… just as I promised you in my entry on “What not to tell Singles.”I waited my whole life for “the one.” You know… my one true love… my prince charming, you know… the one who comes and saves me from myself… You know, the guy who asked me to marry him a month after we met (because we just knew that God told us we were supposed to be together #RollingMyEyes), only to dump me and marry someone else a year later — You can read about that here.

Ay yi yi… who even came up with that? Bravo Disney! Thank you so much for ruining most of my 20s waiting for my “prince.” Bravo Saints! Thank you so much for ruining the last 10 years of my life waiting for “the one God has for me.” I wish I could take all the outlets spewing this stuff into the atmosphere, ball it up, throw it in a trash, never to be recycled again.

On the other end of that, I do want to extend a very polite, Bravo Disney! Thank you for Frozen! Thank you for showing us that love is more than a romantic relationship. If you haven’t seen it — What the heck have you been doing with your life?— No, seriously… for the first time in my life, I finally saw a Disney movie that painted true love as a story between two sisters! Tear. Tear. Tear. I also want to extend a polite thank you to the Boundless Show for helping me navigate my singleness and dispel the myth of “the one.” Thank You Lisa Anderson for all the candid-ness as you navigate your singleness even into your 40s. By the way, I listened to a podcast on Boundless 2 years ago that literally introduced me to the man I’m going to marry.That’s another blog. Shout out to my #2 for introducing me to Boundless. Can we give a round of applause to good friends that introduce us to good resources that change our lives for the better. Bravo #2. Bravo!

Ok, back to me bursting your little Cinderella day dream. Somebody please tell me the scripture where the Bible says, and God created “the one” for us to marry? Where? I’m waiting for it… Comment below. Somebody hold my earrings while I bust up that theory. We all know that famous line in the Bible, “He who finds a wife…” —– It says A wife, not HIS wife… but A wife. It’s like God saying, “He who finds a banana, finds a good thing”… if it walks, talks, smells, looks like a banana, then you’ve gotten yourself a good thing. There are many fruits in the world, but only one has the characteristics and nutrients of a banana. Did y’all know bananas have a nutrient that activates the “happy hormone” in you? — So random, I know. I digress…

Ladies… Ladies… Ladies… and Gentleman… but more so LADIES…Please stop rolling your eyes at the “good guys.” I’ve watched people look over good bananas right at home, for some unripened bananas on the top rack at Trader Joes…. I’m talking from experience here.

What am I saying? Stop waiting for YOUR husband, and wait instead for a man who has the characteristics to be a good husband. Thank you Steven Furtick for making it so clear that we don’t marry potential, we marry patterns. What has the choices he’s already made in his life say about him? As a matter of fact, Boundless released a podcast last week on the traits you should look for in a potential spouse — Here it is! Among them is someone who …

KEEPS THEIR WORD

MAKES YOU BETTER

…. You’ll have to check out Boundless for the rest….

If you’re not into podcasts, here’s a link to the article they’re discussing. Don’t roll your eyes at me please…. Gary Thomas asks, “What if it’s not about WHO you marry, but WHY you marry?” in his book Sacred Search.

Y’all better click on at lease ONE of these links…lol… Like seriously…I’m so glad that I had these resources to help me “loosen the burden” I was putting on myself.

I love you Vulnerabites…. I want to be alongside you as some of your deepest hearts desires come to past…and I know one of those desires is someone to share life with.

I know this because my relationship posts have gotten the most views…. even more than me spilling the guts on my masturbation journey. I mean, shheesshhh. Lol.

But it makes sense…

Our greatest fear is to be known and not loved.

But to be fully known and truly loved is our greatest joy.

-Tim Keller

Before I exit stage left, Vulnerabites, I want you to know that I appreciate you. Thank You for always coming back to share life with me. It means so much, that “little ol’ me” would say something that you’re interested in hearing. Thank you for making me laugh and sharing life with me in your comments. See you again soon. I’m looking forward to sharing more of these naked thoughts and living vulnerably!

There are few articles or blogs I read that have me literally nodding and chuckling as I read along. I love the way you write! (Bravo Disney! Bravo Saints!) so many nuggets of truth in this post…I agree with the idea that patterns are probably a better indicator for marriage…but I also feel that patterns and potential meet somewhere in the middle and shouldn’t be mutually exclusive. For example I met my husband after he completed rehab. He had made a decision to go to college, so I could say that was a good life choice…he was always consistent in his words and actions –gentle and kind even when he got angry, treated me (and his mom) well…but I could have been haunted by his previous habits of smoking and drinking and written him off as a candidate for marriage. In that case I chose to look at both his patterns and his potential, having been transformed naturally and spiritually. Kudos for a thought provoking post!

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing! Thanks for the authenticity Madam Melludi! Yeah, I can agree, they have to meet somewhere in the middle. What an excellent example of that! Your husband indeed is so gentle and kind! So glad you decided to give him a chance. How beautifully your story has unfolded! Big Hugs!

I love the comment about not marrying potential. I remember someone setting up a situation where a bunch of women passed up a great guy because they simply didn’t see his potential. Hill Harper once commented that Michelle married potential. She was already established in her career when Barack came along, but she took a chance on him.

I do want to caution, however, that in our openness, we don’t settle. I am probably most guilty of being picky, and I refuse to change that about myself. I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve. I am ready to be a good friend, cheerleader, partner, companion, to the right man (for me), not Mr. Right Now, or dang, my eggs are shriveling up, I better do something! I say NO!

Another thing is that love does not always equal marriage or vice versa, but people often think they go together. You may love someone and not be able to live with him or her. You may be married to someone and not be in love with him or her, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love him or her.

I could continue on my soap box, but I’ll just end with this: once we throw away the misconceptions (learned from our parents, the media, even our friends) we learn that the rules of life (and love) don’t apply to everyone the same way.

See, I have to disagree with Hill Harper…. Michelle didn’t marry the “potential” she saw in Barack…. She married the “patterns” she saw in him. Barack was interning at her firm for a reason…he didn’t get there on his good looks. He had already graduated from Columbia university and was in his second year at HARVARD when he met Michelle. He was already exemplifying the characteristics of what she wanted in a husband… I’m believing intelligence was one of them. I only say that referring to one of her final interviews, where she says, “Barack is still the smartest person in the room.” And not to mention her #LetGirlsLearn initiative. She is an advocate for education…. so don’t get me started on “Michelle married potential.” NEGATIVE. She married a man who was already doing something with his life. #DropTheMic You got me writing a second blog in this comment box…lol

Don’t settle and Don’t overlook some good bananas that may be right in front of you 🙂