Life and Times of Kalyan

Of Hairs and Haircuts

You are reading your Sunday morning newspapers (Yes plural. I read 3 of them in some Sundays) and you suddenly face certain situations – powercut, humidity, bad performance of the Indian Team in cricket test match against England and yes dandruff and receding hairline. The first two factors are enough to drive you crazy when you don’t have power backup and you live at NCR (No offenses Delhi, I accept that the situation in Kolkata is even worse). And the last two have been bothering you since the past few months. Particularly receding hairline, which reminds you of your entire paternal lineage where all the 35+ males are almost BALD. What would you do? I opted for a new haircut.

The Reason
Okay, none of the above led me to let my hair cut. I was actually momentarily driven by my roomie’s desire to look different and the long pending ‘awesome’ haircut. So, went to my Naai (Yes, I still believe that barber who charges Rs 30 per cut actually respects his profession far more than Rs 200 hair stylist).

The OptionsNow that I decided to go for the cut, next task was to choose the style. Mohawks and Ronaldo-cut were strict no-no. Should I go for the legendary fishermen inspired Mullet, short in the front, top, and sides, but long in the back? Or, should I give green signal to Spikes? Or, the contemporary and less glossy Undercut?

Each of the options were tempting, to say the least. Mullet featured in Tom Sawyer’s adventures, inspired Beastie Boys to compose a song ‘Mullet Head’ in early 90s and is now even a part of the Oxford lexicon. Undercut inspired a movie on outsourcing (Though for reasons completely different than haircuts). Spikes remind me of a thrilling experience in Science City in Kolkata where a lady was made to stand inside a Van de Graff Generator and it made her hairs stand on their end. Standing hairs suggesting emanating knowledge from my brain, what an idea indeed. Google search returns Mullet – 4,070,000; Spikes – 14,300,00; Undercut – 5,520,000. Mullet was the least popular of the three and I was driven by the desire to be ‘different’, so settled for Mullet.

Then decided against it and wanted to give Induction Cut a try.

The Cut
Settling for the Induction Cut was tempting indeed, it being the shortest possible hairstyle without using a razor. It derives its name from the tradition that it is the first haircut that is given when male recruits are ‘Inducted’ into the armed Forces. Protagonists of several Hollywood War Movies sport it. It also has the distinction of being preferred by balding men, the predicament I fear. Nevertheless, my hair was ‘cut’.

The Result
Now my scalp sports only a very short stubble. It is feeling so neat and tidy all the time, and without the need for Gel. No issues of combing or the hairs being entangled. Moreover, I can literally ‘feel’ the breeze, with air entering from some parts and exiting from the rest, while on a bike or an Open-Air-Merc (Rickshaw. Yeah I know a post is pending on that). But the possibility of dust particles’ ability to kiss and stay on my scalp endangered my already balding scalp’s health and I bought a Cap. But this exposed me to new set of comments.

With the Cap on I get to hear – ‘Oye, Himesh look hunnh?’ (For the lesser mortals, Himesh symbolises The Art of Nasal Twang. He is the first Indian to perform at the Wembley Stadium in London. Watch him on 29th July in Koffee with Karan). Without the Cap, people mock – ‘Oye, looking Brad Pitt’. Gimme a break.

The Conclusion
I am feeling kind of relieved right now. Couple this with the freedom from trying to set my hair all the time and you can guess how ‘light’ am I feeling. Michael Diamond said – There’s nothing quite as bad as a bad haircut. Thankfully, I am saved of the predicament but will have to strive hard to shed off oh-so-you-are-trying-Himesh Reshammiya-look image.

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6 Responses

Male pattern baldness must be really hard on you guys, since a full set of hair is often viewed as a sign of beauty and healthiness.

Not many people can carry a skinhead cut also.The cut which I personally prefer on guys, since a guy fussing over his hair over a long period of time is always a turn off.I’ve seen such guys spend more time on their hair than I do with mine and damnit I’m female!!!So finding the right cut to mask the problem is very important.But, still glad to know you don’t have Androgenetic Alopecia.

Suggestion to all you balding guys who might be reading this.If all else fails, there’s always hair replacement/surgery. Thank you modern science! 😉

Hey dude.. just returned from my last party n saw ur pic on Orkut, which actually shocked me abt ur hair style. n then striked abt ur blog which u updated.. came here, read it and now posting a comment..well, to be honest with u! this is one hair style which i always wanted to have. Always.. n if u remember i had it once… really it gives the smoothest flow of breeze which u can’t imagine…n the most important u dnt need to comb ur ugly hairs thrice a day just when no girl is actually looking @ u. 🙂

P.S.welll.. how u will be looked in that style !!! hunnnnnnnn .. need to see , i hope u’ll remain in it tilll our next meet….

The post was just too good , the flow awesome, and the research u did for your hair cut is cool.

But there is one suggestion , Calcutta do not have powercuts .Had been staying there since childhood , but there are no signs of powercuts these days. I dont remember the last time we had a powercut at home.so let the powercut stuff be centralised around the country capital region only.

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