An ongoing journey through substance abuse and eating disorders.

Feeling like Shit

This probably doesn’t surprise anyone, but I feel like shit most of the time. Starvation, coupled with periodic opiate withdrawal, makes for some pretty fucked up moods.

As if that’s not enough, I also get to deal with mental illness as well. I have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. All that together makes me pretty miserable.

I spend a good portion of my day wishing I would die. I guess I am killing myself, albeit quite slowly. I have been hospitalized several times for failed suicide attempts, though I’ve gotten closer each time. It’s pretty messed up. I have so much to live for but just don’t care anymore. I know that’s just my illness talking, but it feels totally real.