Stuff That futurE shouLd brinG (STELG) #1 – Plaque resistant teeth

Hey Charles Darwin, where are you? I scoured over your seminal book – ‘The evolution of species’ and found no reference to something that should sit at the apex of the next wave of Human development. – Plaque resistant teeth.

The human race has suffered from the MTAWTY (My Teeth Are Whiter Than Yours) syndrome since millenniums. The quest for plaque removing secrets and white teeth has been the root cause of many famous conquests & battles, including Waterloo (you have to believe this – check the facts here). But inspite of millions of sacrificed lives and years of evolution behind us, human race still suffers inexorably from tiny bacteria which drive many men & women to excrutiating pain and numerous dentists to vast riches. And it is fair to point out, that it really only us the human beings who suffer from such frailities. The mighty lions and crocodiles, who rip apart huge animals with their jaws, never have to worry about the mind numbing ritual of brushing, flossing & mouthwash. The crocodiles just sit their with their mouth open, a little birdy does the job of cleaning its teeth while collecting his daily lunch quota. How perfectly nice. (Whether this is true or just anecdotal is still being debated. But what the heck, I would like to believe in it)

But we, the human beings have to trudge off to the dentist every now and then. Then sit there in scary looking chairs, with our jaws stretched open in all types of contorted positions while hundreds of precision instruments like water jets, minute suction pumps etc clank about our teeth and gums trying to remove plaque that shouldn’t be there in the first place. These sessions usually cost a fortune, but the end of it all﻿﻿, the dentist will pick up a dangerously looking crooked hook or instrument and start scraping away at your teeth. Every scrape ends up microns away from reducing your gums to a bloody mess. When inquired, why does he have to revert to this technique, of which a butcher will be proud of. The answer is : “This is still the most effective was of removing the difficult parts”. The primitiveness of the whole thing is biblical. What’s even more ironic is not just the fact that one has to repeat this ordeal every few months, but with your each visit, you notice that your invoices are getting fatter & the size of the diamond on the dentist’s finger keeps getting bigger.

So the first Stuff That futurE shouLd brinG (STELG) is man’s ability to grow plaque resistant teeth. The teeth should be able to distinguish between plaque & chocolate. Chocolate should cling to teeth, thus increasing the time that you can enjoy the taste, but plaque is simply rejected. Even if some rogue plaque articles manage to bribe the chocolate molecules to have them stick to the teeth, there should be micro plaque eating soldiers unleashed by the tongue the eliminate them for good. Even if it does not come naturally to human beings, human teeth cells could be crossed with teflon cells. This will ensure that all plaque will simply just slip off.

But we are not there yet. And i have been happily munching away on the exquisite 75% Ecuador Cocoa Lindt dark chocolate, while writing this. So i better run off to do the inane dental hygiene routine, otherwise i will be adding handsomely to my dentist’s new diamond ring. But while i do that, a question for you to ponder – Which is the happier crocodile of the two?