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Monday, September 26, 2005

Seeing Eye Dogs Are More Badass Than 10 Million Wombats in Heat.

Every time there's a big tragedy like 9/11 or hurricanes with names that aren't Emma, there's one aspect to the recovery effort that goes largely overlooked: the dogs. Remember those dogs that searched for bodies in the rubble of the World Trade Center and how they got their paws cut up from glass? They are my heroes.com. I suspect there are rescue dogs doing similar things in New Orleans right now, and aren't getting any props for it. Yes, they're dogs. They're doing what they're trained to do, but damned if they're not badass in the process.On that note, I HEART SEEING EYE DOGS. For some reason, I see them on the subway all the time helping their owners get to a seat in the crowded cars, and I swoon. I really want to pet them and offer words of encouragement, but the sign on their back says not to. They are nobleness defined. I need to stop gushing about this, I'm becoming Oprah.Nah.

So today, the most ridiculous/incredible thing I have ever witnessed as a human being took place in the dog run in Washington Square. A seeing eye dog led a blind woman into the run. She took his leash off so he could get some down time, I suppose. Being a seeing eye dog and loyal like the wolf, the dog sits quietly down next to her. (SWOON ALERT) This lovely scene was butchered by a horny beagle, who tried to FUCK the seeing eye dog while it was on duty. Was it serious? It's a fucking seeing eye dog! There has to be some sort of unspoken canine rule that you don't stick your doggy ding dong in a seeing eye dog anus. Ridiculous. So the seeing eye dog, proving its badass mettle, gets really pissed and gnashes its teeth at the beagle. At this point, three other dogs come over to try to fuck the dog. It was sickening beyond all things. Meanwhile, the blind woman is really confused, because she hears her dog getting really pissed and I felt bad for her. The seeing eye dog kicked MAJOR MAJOR ass though, fighting off all three dogs and scaring the living shit out of them. THEN, in the most ridiculous thing ever, the fucking owners of the horndogs tell the blind woman to leave or move away from their dogs because it's causing a "disturbance." ???? YOUR DOGS TRIED TO FUCK A SEEING EYE DOG!!! It's the equivalent of me (or Crazy Mego) trying to rape a firefighter as he's trying to rescue a baby from a burning building. Eat shit, beagle. How many doggy anuses are around you? Go ejaculate into one that isn't doing a service to mankind. Bitch. Ooh. Pun.I almost want to gouge my eyes out with searing irons so I can have one.<3 times infinity.OH MY GOD. You are ALL Nobility Bojangles.