Crank Call: Bron Heussenstamm

This issue, we decided it was time for Bron Heussenstamm to take a little heat, so we enlisted help again from our fine female friend Virginia “Rachel” Tucker. We had her call up Mr. Bronski Beat and make him think all the girls want to get with him because he’s a surf star. Bron acted like it was no big deal that this random girl and her friends kept calling him. It must be nice to be pro.

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Bron: Hello?Sweet, young female voice Bron? Yes?

Hi! This is Rachel.Yeah?

I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I met you at that surf contest, like, a couple weeks ago. I just came across your number, so I thought I’d give you a call!How’d you get this number?

You gave it to me.I did?

I met you at the contest. You were hanging out with your friend Mike embarassed laugh.What contest was this?

It was like in Santa Cruz, California. It was a while ago.In Santa Cruz?

Yeah!You live in San Diego?

Yeah. I just moved down here for the summer with my girlfriend. I was unpacking and I came across your number. I thought I’d call and see what you’re doing. How are you?All right sounding annoyed.

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Yeah sounding annoying? I’m actually calling because my friends and I were going to go to Laguna Beach for the week. I’d love to hook up with you! Maybe you could show us around a little bit.Umm. Maybe.

‘Cause I totally like pizza and stuff, too. Do you think you could take me out for pizza?Who is this? Rachel? I’m sorry, I have absolutely no recollection of giving you my number in Santa Cruz.

That makes me really sad, Bron.I’m sorry.

It’s okay. We can still be friends, right?I guess so sounding really annoyed.

What are you doing right now?Just some … cleaning.

I like cleaning. It makes me feel very clean giggles.All right.

Do you like frozen yogurt?I don’t know reaching the peak of annoyance.

Did you ever get your hair cut? ‘Cause you told me you were going to get your hair cut.Umm … in Santa Cruz?

Yeah!Where in Santa Cruz?

Where? I don’t know sounding upset! It was at a surf contest, silly. My girlfriend took me there. We’re trying to be Reef girls, so we went there trying to meet some important people and stuff. It didn’t work, though.Huh.

Oh, my god! Can you hold on a second? Puts the phone down Stop it! My pussy just peed on the floor sound of girls yelling in the background! Oh, my god, you guys! Jenny, take the pussy and put her outside! I can’t believe this! It’s so sick. Picking the phone back up I’m sorry, Bron. My cat just fully peed on the floor. Do you think you could still show us around if we went to Laguna?Sounding confused Uhh, maybe.