UnNews:Israel wins "Whiniest Nation" award for 63rd time

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JERUSALEM, Israel Israel has been awarded "Whiniest Nation" for the 63rd consecutive time. Other contenders, such as North Korea, Venezuela, and Russia fell to second, third, and fourth place respectively. A faux-surprise upset by Russia was overturned when a custodian accidentally discovered the votes for Israel in a UN trash dumpster.

"It's just not fair," said Kim Jong in a private interview. "We do everything we can to encourage the US to invade our republic, and what do we get? Second place." Hu Jintao, remarking on this from Beijing, stated, "Well, it's no wonder; the North Koreans are whining about actual issues. The Israelis have nothing to whine about, and do it anyway. It's pretty tough to compete with that." It is still unknown how much his translator enhanced the message.

Hugo Chavez was unavailable for comment, leaving a prepared statement with his secretary of state. "Death to all corporate Tyranny." It was later discovered that this prepared message is used for all communications in his absence.

Not everybody is celebrating, though. In a rare weak moment, Henry Kissinger confessed the extent of the toll being taken by those holding the front lines. "You haff no idea vhat ve putt into dis," he said, looking even more tired than usual, "Ve haff to tink of effryting. And da holocaust ting iss getting frayed arount da edges."

His eyebags sagged dangerously as he let out a piteous sigh. "You know? Sometimes I tink it's not vorth it. Maybe ve should just go for 'most naive' like Amerika."