Lord Destroy and the Italy we thought was Over

By Federica RussoThe social movement developed in Italy in the 60s and 70s, known as “il Sessontotto”, led to a cultural revolution. The generational gap between parents and their children was incredibly wide. An entire generation of students and young workers were involved in protests, political activity and the spread of “free love” theory, while their parents kept ideas of discipline, respect and post-marital sex. There was an impact on gender issues, both legally and socially. Women began to claim ownership of their bodies, independence from caring for their husbands and children and freedom from the chains of sexual bigotry. They were active in social movements and political protests, they claimed rights leading to the approval of the law on abortion, as well as to a change in the social perception of both female roles and rules.

Nonetheless, even in 2018 some Italian society remains
untouched by this strong change. This is the phenomenon highlighted by Vincenzo
Maisto, known as Lord Destroy. In 2017-2018 he went viral in Italy thanks to publishing
a collection of tweets, facebook and instagram posts proving the survival of an
Italy we thought had disappeared, at least among young people. Conversations
and comments with a bittersweet taste reveal the existence of strong female
stereotypes and their impact in the daily lives of women who share experiences
and suggestions on the role of mother and wife. Some of them are funny, most of
them are shocking, but all reveal that the idea that women are born to marry
and to care for their husbands is still deep-rooted in many Italians.

All images have been translated from Italian and anonymised

Sexual relations become “conjugal duties”, female
sexual pleasure is completely banned, the use of condoms is “taboo”, and knowledge
of contraception is subverted with the “correct” choice being adopting methods
with the same contraceptive efficacy as prayer. This, naturally, leads to a
very high rate of reproduction. Eventually, when the family cannot sustain
another child, and the suspicion that such contraceptive methods are not
actually working, some of these women are pressured into practicing anal sex. This
they approach as an unpleasant but necessary duty to make their husband happy.
Women cannot have any kind of active role in the sexual aspect of the
relationship, and some stories borderline with sexual violence. Sometimes women
cannot even speak during sex, staring at the wall without moving, waiting for
it to finish.

All images have been translated from Italian and anonymised

The oppression, of course, exceeds the boundaries of
the bedroom and expands into other aspects of life. They are happy to receive a
“good supply of cleaning products” as an anniversary gift, and it is routine to
ask permission to go out alone. Husbands cheating is considered entirely the fault
of the woman, because she did not wholly satisfied him, while the wives
themselves must avoid any kind of contact with other men.

All images have been translated from Italian and anonymised

One of the most interesting points is that it is the
women who suffer this borderline abuse that coerce other women to think this
way. They are on the frontline to defend the status quo, made by straight rules
and defined roles. Their husbands’ behaviour, which anyone else would
classified as oppressive, is considered sweet and caring, violence is
considered as normal reaction, and female passivity and submission is a
celebrated as model. This mentality is handed down to daughters, whose efforts
of rebellion appear in Lord Destroy’s tweets. It is clear that they live in a
bubble that protects them from any kind of progressive thinking. By using the
internet, which can be a tool of information and pluralist views, they manage
to reproduce this close-minded society. Every kind of “progressive” critic or
open-minded behaviour is rejected with savage violence, by a very harsh system
of censoring.

All images have been translated from Italian and anonymised

Fortunately this reality is now a minority, and for
that this phenomenon had a very important media impact. With Lord Destroy’s
collection of tweets, people now have a window into the old-fashioned social
relationship.

Gender stereotypes are still very alive in our society. The path to achieving real gender equality is long, and one has to be constantly on guard, because whilst it is possible to go forward, it is also possible to move back: as Lord Destroy shows. It demonstrates how the cultural environment, close to external interaction, affects individual’s lives. Food for thought arises from the active role played by women in spreading and perpetrating gender-based stereotypes. Defence and justification of sexual-based discrimination in the family are present daily in these women’s posts and comments. Every opinion is systematically and vehemently censored. In conclusion, there is still a lot to do before gaining gender parity and part of the work is understanding that sometimes we can oppress ourselves.

Federica graduated in Law with full marks at Federico II University of Naples in Italy. She wrote her final thesis about the relationship between States and Human Rights. Federica has considerable experiences volunteering with various NGOs and associations and she currently also writes human rights articles for Alternativa Europea. She has a particular interest in the rights of migrants and LGBTI persons.