Monday, January 3, 2011

Many have asked who's my boyfriend. Many have not believed that I've never been in a relationship, ever.

They've always asked what do I look for in men. All the obvious attributes; funny, smart, good-looking blablabla. They wonder why no one is ever good enough. Look, this is the person I'm going to give my heart, my soul and my everything to. Is decent too much to ask?

People have their differences. Some can love easily. I can't. I'm not the kind who shares my love with anyone I meet in life. I admit. I can get along with most people just fine. I'm good at interacting. I have many friends. But do I love every single one of em? No. I like them, we hang, but I don't open myself up to them. And how many people do I trust in life? Aside from my family, I can count them with my fingers. There's a major difference with being good and being close with each other. I have issues, I know. But it wouldn't be special if you can just throw your love to anyone that comes close, eh?

These days, people throw around the word 'i love you' like it's something common. How can you love someone you barely know? It's just impossible. At least to me.

Hypothetically speaking about the man I'm going to be in a relationship with (or married to, for that matter)

When I love someone, I care about him. It's not all about saying 'i love you' or being romantic about it. I might not say the three words often, but I think, by the way I treat him, he knows how much I love him. Love is to give someone the power to hurt you, but trusting them not to.

When I love someone, I care about him. I miss him when he's not around. I can imagine us being together 20 years from now. I know for certain that we're gonna grow old together. Loving doesn't mean texting and calling each other all the time, but it's enough that he's on my mind all the time. I can't specifically say what I'd do for him, or how I'm going to treat him, but one thing for sure, I'm going to love him wholly.

Some say, "why so serious?". Ain't it obvious? Relationship is something I take seriously. If you're going to come and go, why should I be with you, even for a short time? Life's too short to be wasted like that. I have other things in life I have to deal with.

I'm not going to be in a relationship that I know for sure won't last. My first should be my last, no one else should be in the picture. I want to make sure that he's the only one who has ever hold my hands, the only one who has owned the throne. All to himself.

I'm sorry if it takes forever to win my heart. If you can't convince me that you're gonna be here til the end, then find someone else. I'm not the only flower in town.

I'm no queen. I'm nothing special. But this is my life. I decide what I want in life. Some say, "bajet hot je, nak kena kejar macam dia tu ratu dunia" HAHAHA. No, I'm definitely not. I'm way too cool to be Miss World. Like I said, if you don't want to participate in the chase, you can always leave. You'll be doing me a favor, anyway.

I'm not setting a high price. Honestly? He just needs to prove me that he's ready to love only me. Because that's how I roll. Only him. No one else.

Not too much to ask, eh? :)

Will I find my love this year? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not.
Have I ever been truly in love? No.
Am I in love now? Like I said, no.

There's someone on my mind. There's someone I'm interested in. I like him. But no I don't love him. And I know perfectly well this'll go away.

Who am I?

Nur Hasliza Muhtar. Currently living in Johor Bahru, Malaysia.
The young one who never yawns. Home is not where you live, it's where your heart is.
Everybody grows up, you and I. The only difference is I stay young at heart while you grow old because you stopped having fun.