It is common for couples to
focus on one another’s flaws.
While the goal of pointing out our partner’s weaknesses may be to change
the flaw or help it go away, focusing on the negative often leads to bitterness
and resentment. Rather than
picking out your partner’s defects and feeling ashamed of your own, this
intervention is designed to help you to build your personal strengths. Identifying personal strengths can be a
very empowering process.
Strengths-building exercises foster positive emotions, which are
considered indicators of long-term relational success.

This creative strengths
building module will help you and your partner to build on one another’s
strengths. Focusing on one
another’s positive attributes is a way to grow your relationship and work
towards your goals as a couple.

Begin by making a list naming
your top 3-5 strengths and have your partner do the same. Look over the lists together, and
discuss with your partner how these strengths contribute to your marriage. Try to remember situations where these
strengths have been displayed in your relationship and share these memories
with your partner. Identify a new
and different situation where each strength was utilized. When you come across problems in your
marriage, remember these strengths and use them to value one another. It is not always easy for couples to
remember their strengths in tough situations, so do not be discouraged if this
does not come naturally.

The next part of this
intervention is finding ways to increase your strengths. This could include identifying a common
goal as a couple, and working together to accomplish the goal. For example, Margaret and Jon have
decided they want to become more involved in their church. This is their common goal. Margaret
loves working with children and Jon is full of life and energy. The couple has identified Margaret’s
passion for children and Jon’s playfulness as personal strengths. The couple brainstormed ways to
creatively integrate these two strengths as a way to fulfill their goal of
helping out at church. They eventually decided to begin volunteering in the
children’s ministry at church.
This utilized Margaret’s strength by working with children but also
utilized Jon’s ample amount of energy, which was much needed when working with
young and active youth. The couple
was able to combine their strengths in order to accomplish a goal.

Using your strengths to
fulfill a goal is an excellent way to build up your positive attributes. It
also allows you to notice your partner’s natural abilities. This exercise is intended to be fun and
natural for you and your partner because it is expounding on your strengths
instead of attempting to change your weaknesses. You may even discover that magnifying your natural strengths
draws your attention away from your flaws. You may come to find that you and your partner’s weaknesses
are nothing compared to your strengths.