I hope nobody at the Express or Sun is reading this. What if they found out that thousands of past contestants, including us, received the same guidelines about wardrobe and game procedure when they went on the show and didn't give them to the press, on the paper-thin pretext that we didn't think it was newsworthy? We're all complicit in the biggest and most scandalous cover-up in TV history. They probably also know that our cover-up was joint-funded by the BBC, the EU and Jeremy Corbyn, so there's no point in us hiding that any more.

If they find out you're not allowed to pick fewer than three or more than five vowels, this could be bigger than the expenses scandal.

What if they found out that thousands of past contestants, including us, received the same guidelines about wardrobe and game procedure when they went on the show and didn't give them to the press, on the paper-thin pretext that we didn't think it was newsworthy?