Oh no…it’s mail…and it’s an entire package too. Sigh, this could take a while, given how Boy Lisa once needed six months to open a single envelope. I really hope it’s evidence proving that Lisa wasn’t his bio-mom (as if) and the entire Funkyverse implodes upon itself, but the likelihood of that happening seems, uh, slim. It’s a Boy Lisa arc, therefore whatever it is it’ll be dumb beyond belief, that much is guaranteed.

And get a load of Pete/Tom’s little “dig” at lawyers. I guess they’re the scum of the earth…unless some humble little blog makes fun of your silly little comic strip, in which case they’re your pals…ain’t that right, Tom? Pete’s whole world-weary act really gets my goat, I mean the guy lives a fantasy comic book lifestyle most overgrown nerds would kill for yet all he does is gripe, bitch and complain about it. Just shut up and write your little Xaxian stories, you mopey nitwit.

You mean lawyers don’t usually send rare, original artwork — possibly worth thousands of dollars — via UPS and wrapped in butcher paper tied with Christmas ribbon to the workplace of someone who they think might be the rightful heir but can’t be sure because they’ve had no prior contact? Surely, you jest.

Lemme guess. It’s some rare artwork courtesy of the- now deceased- Jack Kirby lookalike artist that Durwood drove home from the kids’ party. Naturally, it’ll be worth a fortune (once converted to pizza and comic books) and Durwood will still find a reason to complain about it…

Progress! He already tore off one of the ribbons. At this rate, the package might be opened by next week, but don’t hold your breath.

Wtf is that huge gray thing in the foreground of panel #1? Is it a Xaxian trreadmill? Xaxian abacus? Xaxian fleshlight? I can’t keep up with the new-fangled contraptions of kids these days. Can anyone help me?

If I knew where to find it and how to link to it, I could hook you up to Casey Kasem’s ranting about how another boring and annoying thing that went nowhere is just as fucking ponderous as this exercise in tedium will be.

Love how the living room of the apartment has: shelves on wall (love the action figures, btw!), indistinguishable crap by the front door, a work station with computer, a treadmill! Add that to the rest of stuff in a normal apartment room, and no one can move anywhere. No wonder Pete The Loser is sitting by the computer — closer to the porn.

Is this Durwood’s apartment, or is it their office? If it’s his apartment, why does Pete Rollo have a workstation set up in the living room? If it’s his office, what the fuck is the treadmill and a shelf of action figures doing there?

1. Okay, fine, we get it… That bitter-assed old-school comic artist now doing sketches at kids’ birthday parties has left this plane of existence and bequeathed something ridiculously valuable to Darrin because if there’s one thing bitter-assed old-school comic artists who got paid pennies on the dollar over the course of their careers appreciate, it’s smug, spoiled, whiny brats who were in the right place at the right time and shot up to the top of Hollywood on nothing more than a wave of brazen word-of-mouth nepotism… Either that, or Darrin’s wife is surprising him and Pete with another two-week romantic couples cosplay getaway to Superman’s Fortress of Solitude… Either way I’ve just saved you three weeks of reading FW

2. Not for nothing, but I’m just saying that Darrin heard the old man’s sob story knowing damn well he could have gotten him put on the Starbuck Jones payroll with a cushy no-work job after talking to Masone for 30 seconds… YET HE DID NOTHING

3. All my life, this East Coaster thought of Hollywood as ruthless, cutthroat, and chewing up young ambition naïve Midwesterners who thought they could make a career there… But I guess the reality is you’re just sitting on your ass flinging rubber bands all day with very generous lunch and vacation breaks and every two weeks you get a paycheck for $15 grand? Sign me up, please??