Is It Real, or Is It Hallucination?

In the early 1970s, Memorex Corp. started the advertising campaign "Is It Real, or Is It Memorex?" featuring Ella Fitzgerald singing a high note so purely that it shattered a crystal wine glass. The next scene in the ad showed another wine glass shattering when a recording of Ms. Fitzgerald's voice was played. The thrust of the ad was that the clarity of Memorex recording tapes was so good that Ms. Fitzgerald's voice could shatter the glass whether her voice was live or was from the playback of a recording. From the glass's perspective, both the live voice and the recorded voice were indistinguishable.

A common, but often overlooked, aspect of mourning the death of a loved one is similar to the Memorex ad - the spontaneous, externally generated contact of the mourner by the deceased loved one or a divine being. Are the contacts real, or are they hallucinations? For those who have not had the experience, these contacts are, at best, the result of an overactive imagination or, at worst, hallucinations. However, for approximately 70 million mourners who have had them, these contacts, or Extraordinary Experiences (EEs), are real and comforting.

What are Extraordinary Experiences?

Louis LaGrand, who has studied Extraordinary Experiences for over 25 years, has catalogued them into fourteen categories:

1. intuitively sensing that the deceased person is present (sometimes accompanied by a telepathic or mental message);2. a visual apparition of or "seeing" the loved one;3. hearing the voice of the person;4. smelling an essence that is closely associated with the loved one, such as a particular cologne, pipe smoke, perfume, etc.;5. feeling as if being touched, including being kissed or embraced, by the person;6. noticing birds or animals behaving in an unusual way that associates them with the deceased;7. noticing a symbolic representation such as "cloud writing" or an object that is closely associated with the deceased;8. a third-party experience where a message comes through another person who has had the EE;9. a fourth-party experience where a message comes through two other people;10. having a vivid, unforgettable visitation dream;11. seeing the loved one during an out-of-body experience;12. witnessing a psi kappa event (a moving object, a clock stopping or starting at the moment of death, the flicker of lights or other electronic equipment turning on and off at a significant moment;13. synchronicities (meaningful coincidences) that couple the deceased with an unexpected physical event; and14. crisis apparitions or sense of presence of the loved one just before the survivor is notified of the death.

Of these different categories, the two most common ones are the feeling of presence and visitation dreams.

What are the "messages" and what do they mean?

Whether they come once or repeatedly, there are various kinds of messages that EEs provide mourners. Some give advise ("Go ahead and live life."), others inspire ("You can get through this."), and still others reassure the mourner that (s)he is forgiven, not forgotten, still loved, etc. and that the deceased is okay (free from suffering, happy, etc.). Most messages are supportive letting the mourner know that the loved one lives on and that (s)he knows how they are suffering.

The impact of these messages can be enormous and life changing. The two most frequent themes that mourners report after having had an EE are that they are no longer afraid of death and that they will be reunited with their loved one. Armed with these insights, many mourners can now begin to make meaning out of their experience of the death of their loved one, to learn how to live in the world again, and to re-integrate their loved one into a new, special, on-going place in their hearts. In short, mourners learn to love while separated from their loved one.

Not every mourner has an EE, and there is no way to explain why some do and some don't. Both believers in EEs and previous skeptics have received them while other believers and skeptics haven't. Who has an EE is just as much of the mystery of the phenomenon as is the EE itself. However, that doesn't mean a mourner who hasn't received an EE can't ask for one as long as (s)he realizes they may not receive one.

So, from the viewpoint of the mourner experiencing an EE, the question "Is it real, or is it hallucination?" is not the issue. Just like with the wine glass in the Memorex ad, it makes no difference - it's the same result! Assuming the mourner is not severely agitated or suffering from deep emotional trauma at the time of the event, the real issue is what impact EEs have. For nearly all mourners, they are comforting, authentic, and life enriching.

If you have had an EE or know of someone who has, I'd be interested (and I'm sure others would be, too) in what it was and how it impacted your life.

In his classic, The Varieties of Religious Experience, William James finds "visions and voices" tend to be of relatively low "fruitfulness for life."

The type of religious experience he found most apt to be constructively life changing is "monistic and optimistic." He was referring to contemplative or meditative experience - "one with the universe" or "one with God" according to one's perspective.

People also very often experience levels of this type of experience spontaneously through contact with nature.

James' book gives many concrete accounts of such transformative experiences and was required reading at the U of Chicago Divinity School, where I got my master's. Written in the early twentieth century - an oldie but a goody.

I wasn't sure if this was actually a visitation dream, but it felt soo real. It was one of those dreams where you were happy to be with that person and you didn't want that moment to end. It started out as I was looking at my bed in my room, which was for some reason Heath Ledger's death bed, and I saw him laying there, lifeless. I had someone else in the room with me, but I couldn't remember who. I remember crying and realizing that he was dead, but then I look over and I see him stirring as if he came back to life or something. I say something like, "What the heck? I thought you were dead? What were you doing all this time" I'm not sure why I chose the words of "What you were doing all this time but I said it. Then he replies with something like "I was just trying to get some sleep." And with that he gets out of my bed and I remember just looking at him and I'm pretty sure we gave each other a hug. After that, we turned out to be in some place which was kind of familiar, but i couldn't make it out. Next thing I know he is laying down and I was sitting next to him looking down at him and he just smiled and looked at me ever so peacefully and it was the best feeling ever, and it seemed like we were looking each other for a long time, but we weren't exchanging any words.

There was most of my dream, that had Heath Ledger in it and I was wondering if you would think if this could be real or not. By the way, I have never met Heath Ledger, and I was really emotional about him dying and everything that night before I went to bed, and had the dream, even though it was months after he had died.

A year after my mother died very suddenly I became pregnant with my first child. I had a dream when I was six weeks pregnant (the only dream I ever had with my mother in it) where my mother was looking at me from across this space. We could not touch and it appeared as if we weren't even "allowed" to be communicating. She said to me very clearly and distinctly "You are having a little girl and her name is Ava." That was it. I woke up and knew if my baby was a girl that I would name her this. My mother didn't tell me to name her that. She told me her name WAS that. As if they had met. Well, I did have a girl and her name is, of course, Ava.

I know this was written a while ago, but my mother just shared something with me about hearing her father who died several years ago and I was googling the phenomena and came across this.
A couple of days ago driving out of the driving she heard him say "Get your tire pressure checked." So she drove to a gas station and asked the attendant to check her tires. When asked if they light was on, she said no but that she hadn't gotten them checked for a while and she had a hunch.
So all of her tires were in fact low... I'm not sure if it was dangerously so, but...
I would hope that these are messages from the beyond, but I know that I am choosing to think so and that they may just be hallucinations.

A very dear friend of ours recently passed. The night before last, I had asked our friend if he would give me a sign so I knew he was okay....it has been 6 weeks since his death. I was specific, that I wanted to see him in a dream or hear him. I asked him if he was OK and finally at peace. Then I went back inside and did not dwell on it.

Last night, my husband and I were quietly watching tv. We were sitting on the couch and we BOTH heard a very audible male voice say loudly, "Yeahhhhhh....". My husband looked at me and asked "Did you just hear THAT?????" Yes I had. It was right next to me.

My husband got up and went to the front door and checked the yard. Bear in mind, we live in the country, it is very quiet and our yard is very large with tall security fencing and a gate surrounding it. No one was around or outside.

My husband was pretty frightened by the experience. I asked him who did he think that voice sounded like and he responded with our deceased friend's name....the voice I recognized as well.

Please bear in mind we are very sane people. We do not drink nor take drugs of any kind. I sense we were both meant to hear our friend, in order for neither of us to attempt to debunk the idea that we had imagined it.

It sort of spooked my husband, but for me, I felt warmth and a very peaceful feeling. I am still trying to rationalize this event, but I cant. Anyone have any input?

For some this is a very welcomed experience, they long to have one more contact with a loved one. Then there are those like me, who is VERY frightened by this which makes the fact that its happened three times "so far", strange.The first was a visit from my very best friend killed in an accident who came to soothe my sadness of her leaving, i could not see her, only feel and hear her. The second was also a great friend who was murdered, this time i could see, feel and hear him ..He wanted me to know he was alright and that he would miss me. He said he knew i was scared and that this was not what he wanted to do and he would go, but for me to know he loved me and he would miss me.. Third was dark and very frightning and this one of a suicide, nothing i care to EVER experience again. If not experienced by myself i would probably not be a believer . But these visit ARE VERY REAL.
The Believer

My x-husband died suddenly. I got the bad news at 9:pm and was up all night.
At 4am I thought "I should try and sleep or I won't be any good
tomorrow to help anyone else.. I layed back in the recliner and heard an owl
hooting 3 soft calls over and over. I got into a relaxed state and started
praying. I asked Dan my x to please some how just let me know that he's
alright. "I really just want to know that your ok. If you can please
send me some kind of sign using an owl". I asked, " like have
someone or something come to me during the funeral about an owl. Well, I was
pretty sure that wouldn't happen , as in "highly unlikely".
Then I slept for 2 hours. The next day went by. The wake took place and the
next day was the funeral. At the graveyard I sat with our son and Dans
parents in the front next to the casket. It was freezing cold, but bright and
sunny. There was a 21 gun solute. After all was done everyone was still
standing waiting for us to get up and a man came up to us and handed my son
the 21 empty shells and then stood there a minute. I looked up at him and
noticed 3 white birds flying up above and in front of us slowly circling and
drifting by. I said to my son, "Phillip look at those birds" and
everyone started looking at them.

Then off to my left was a pretty big crowd of people and I didnt see who said
this but some man in the crowd said, "maybe their Sowy White Owls. I
looked towards the crowd and said, What did you say? And he said, Snow White
Owls. I stood up like I'd been electrified. My body was flooded with
adrenalin. I couldn't say anything and once I got up everyone else
started moving around and leaving. My son said, I feel funny walking away
from here and leaving my dad. I told him , your dad is just fine Phillip. I
know for sure that he's ok.

I'm no long afraid of death and I feel I've been given a great
gift. By the way I'm not a religious person, but i do believe in
connecting with something beyond here AND I never I told one person about my
asking for an owl sign before it happened.

That's just the way it happened. My x was good to us even after death...

What happened today was a unique experience for my husband and myself. I woke up at 6.15 while my husband remained in bed. I went downstairs in the bathroom, washed my face and started thinking of my long day ahead. Suddenly I distinctly heard my mother's voice in my ear. It was so clear I wanted to reply. I also realized that she had a particular way of pronouncing my name which although so familiar, I had never given any importance to the way she put an accent on the O. She passed away two years ago. I was at first shy to tell my husband when he came down for breakfast but then told him 'Perceptions can be so deceiving - I heard my mother call me this morning.' He stared at me confused and in shock. He told me that while still in bed, soon after I woke up he heard his own mother clearly utter his full name. His mum passed away 28 years ago. We are still both amazed but it was a beautiful gift for both of us and a comfort to know that they called us practically at the same time!

My sister passed away unexpectedly at my home almost 2 months ago. We were very close and I was the one that discovered she was not breathing when I tried to wake her after she had spent the night at my home, which we did a lot. It was very traumatic for me as I watched my husband do CPR try to revive her. I started seeing a therapist immediately after her memorial service. I was crying uncontrollably I miss her so much. But seeing a Therapist once a week has been a big help. Just being able to talk about how I feel and about my sister is extremely helpful. I heard my sisters voice for the first time about 2weeks after she passed and it was hard for me because she said happy sis. And I cried because she always called me sis. And last night I heard her again When I was getting ready for bed and she told me that she had flowers. I feel like she is happy and I. A better place and I know a I will see her again and it has made me more accepting of her death. She was my only sister my only sibling but God has a plan a reason for what he does and I truly believe my sister is in a beautiful place and at peace. I will always love her and miss her but I will have all of our memories of time spent together with me forever..

In 2013 my mum passed away from cancer,I was with her and held her hand and saw the twinkle disappear from her eye,That was June 25 2013,Early September I was bbqing and had a light coat on as the wind was a little chilly,And all of a sudden I heard my mums voice call my name ,plan as day,she only said Ian once and nothing else,I wish she could have finished a conversation,Just wondering if this has happened to anyone else and why just one word,And what does it mean,like to hear people's comments,Thanks

I too have been experiencing the very same thing. I go to university for the majority of the year and my nan passed away in May 2015 from cancer. I found out from my mum that she wasn't doing to well and rushed home on the Friday to be with her. I was by her side when she eventually passed over later that weekend. Since then I haveqnt spent much time in my family home where she lived with us, I was away all summer and when I returned for three weeks over Christmas there was nothing unusual to report. I came home this Easter and suddenly I started feeling like I wasn't alone in my house, I wasn't alone late at night I felt something watching me but nothing would be there. This has slowly escalated to today, when I was sitting in my fathers office two doors down from my nans bedroom, I had my music on and I heard someone say my name, I paused my music looked around the house and no one was there. I returned to the office to continue doing work and clear as day I heard my nans voice call my name again say my name. I told my mum and she also has experienced the very same thing when alone in our house. So I continued my day and when everybody had gone out again in the vending for various activities such as gym etc I jumped in the shower, again I heard my name called, so I got out the shower and again I heard clear as day my nan say my name. I can't explain it and I don't know why but you aren't alone!

About a month after my Dad passed away, I was in the basement of my house cleaning or something, I don't recall, but I clearly and distinctly heard my Dad's voice say my name "Sharon". I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do so I did nothing. A couple weeks later, the exact same thing happened. I heard my Dad's voice clear as a bell. Whenever Dad wanted to tell me something, he always said my name and paused for me to acknowledge that he was speaking to me. I'm kind of an airhead, easily distracted, so I always thought he did that so that he would know I was paying attention if I responded. Then he would proceed to tell me whatever it was he wanted to tell me. Again I was so shocked, I said nothing. I kind of regret that, but that is how I responded, and wish I had said "What?" like I always did when he was alive. I may never know what it was he wanted to tell me.

The after here is real. I've felt them before and it was a reassurance that we continue to live after we leave here. I've known this since I was a child growing up on a farm in the rural areas of Ohio. My recent contact was this morning upon waking up, 7/14/2016...She was here with me. It felt warm and soft in her presence...She's been gone from here since January 16, 2011 the day after my birthday. I've felt their presence before in late November 2006. There were 3 of them here then for several days... It was my uncle Gary who had just passed away from here along with 2 others... His Mom, my grandmother who passed in 2003 and maybe ? My uncle Larry his brother. Gary wasn't a traditionalist meaning he didn't believe in religion but reincarnation as a fact... "You don't ever Die" these visits were reassurance they we do in fact live on...

My beloved sister died October 19 2016. She has 5 adult children, husband, siblings. We are in acute emotional pain. She left us suddenly from a rare disease, a few weeks after diagnosis. Two days ago I was at work, startedcrying out of the blue the I heard, in my sister's voice "get a grip, I'm in heaven and I'm okay. I'm saving a place for you." This was very comforting.