I’ve been receiving tweets and FB comments asking how I would remember my year 2010 this coming new year. Well, I’ll take that as a topic for my entry today.

Yes, Year 2010 has been absolutely great. Why? Because This was the year I’ve learned to be grateful about every thing in my life, even the least of all happenings.

For those haters, I’m sorry to say this. But this was the year I’ve explored my inner most characteristics, tested and tried it.

I’ve been to places alone I’ve never thought I could possibly been into. It brought realizations and challenges to my being. I was astonished with the fact that I could actually go to these places, experience things I’ve never thought existed, and temporarily feel the harsh realities of life, pushing me to the limits of myself so I could actually test who I really am.

I’ve done things worthy of questionings but those are the things that made me stand firm to what I believe in – in faith, family, and friends.

This was the year in which I found conflicts that tested my relationship with others.

This was the year I found what I really wanted in life. I never thought it would be really this but my experiences this year brought me to the conclusion that what I really wanted is – to share and give. To be able to give to others what they couldn’t have, seeing them happy once they’ve got it, is the most rewarding thing that could ever happen to someone. Their smile, their joy, seeing their dreams unfold right before their eyes and knowing that you have been a part of unfolding those dreams – that is worth more than any material presents you could ever receive. And that was how it had been to me.

But most importantly, through all those ups and downs, I was able to discover those people who fulfilled and created a great impact in my life. They might never realize it, they might never even know it - I might not know them that long - but I would like to thank you all now for being a part of a tremendous year to me. The challenges of meeting you has changed my perception about people. Once I thought that trust is impossible in this cruel world, but knowing you made all the differences. You are all wonderful and this year would not have been complete without you in it.

Lastly, I know this coming new year would have another set of disappointments and discouragements with it but I would like you to know that handling these matters would be a lot easier now, since Year 2010 has waken me up to what life is ought to be.

It gave me time to browse my stored files in my external HD while listening to really sad love songs after almost a day of relearning Joomla stuff. And I stumble upon a compilation of my old poems. I can’t believe I could actually write! ? It makes me wonder where is that side of me now.

It’s undeniable what inspiration can do to a person. :)

On the lighter side, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about going back to web development as my serious career/business. One year of internet-lurking hiatus is absolutely enough to make me fall behind the internet world. And in answer to that, a prospect offered me to make a website for her! This is totally an eye-opener. An opportunity I’ve been running away from since I graduated college..practically.

And now, it’s here again. Thanks to my close friend for offering encouragement to me and establishing a collaboration where I wouldn’t be doing this alone.

I am so excited!!! Wait till you guys see what this is all about! :)

I just noticed the site stat on the site. Poor me, this is totally an indication that I need to work on this again!!!

After twenty-three years of searching and looking for something to fill-up my time, I finally understand what God really wants for me in this life.

I’ve made a lot of thinking. And looking back, I’ve learned that patience is one my key virtue. It takes A LOT of patience to be with people you normally wouldn’t hang out with. It takes A LOT of patience to deal with their attitude and character especially when it comes to difficult matters. It takes A LOT of patience to give them what they want when you really don’t want to share at all. It takes A LOT of patience to deal with their murmurs and negative comments when all you need are positive remarks.

But through it all, it just made me stronger, both mentally and emotionally. I’ve learned to control myself despite everything. And through it all, I’ve seen nothing but good results. I’ve learned from them and they've learned from me. That’s more than I could be grateful for.

I’m so happy. Step by step, God is unfolding everything in front of me. All I need to do is distinguish what’s really for me and I’m good to go..

Even if I tell you the worst things in my life, you are still there. Never bombarding me with annoying questions. Never showering me with deafening sermons.

I am so glad that you have never left me after twenty-three years.

You have been my sole confidante ever since I’ve learned to write and I’ve never hidden anything from you. You are still your sweet self despite of me.

I am so glad you are always so patient and kind and true.

Yes, you’ve never let me down. Even in my deepest despair you were there to catch my sorrows. You never get tired of hearing my woes and that’s the best consolation ever.

I am so glad that you have never changed.

You keep our secrets in your innocent bosom and never let anyone else know our hidden intentions. Even when I scream at you, get angry at you, you are always the same. The quiet type thing that I always love. You never fight back and that is another consolation.

Dearest one, you are always near to my heart. You will never fade here. And I will always remain,

I’m getting tired of the people around me – should I give them away? Of course not. Stupid.

I’m getting tired of what I’m doing for a living – should I give it up this early? They say ‘quitting is never an option’ but sometimes one can’t help to be so bored and tired especially when what you are doing is not so normal to you. True – you have to persistent but who knows how long you can hold on to that..?

I’m tired of waking up early in the morning, not know what to do next.

I’m tired of making people happy when I myself feels so lost and alone sometimes.

I’m tired of giving to people when no one else seems to give back to me.

I’m tired of being someone I’m really not, but that’s where the challenges in my life comes. Even if I get tired of everything I’m doing right now, it’s only becoming more and more challenging.

My life is totally different now. Perhaps a great part of maturing. And I’m finally realizing that the more information I get into my head, the more responsibilities I have to take and the more maturing I have to make.

So, it might seem to be tiring at times, but these things that I have now brings more to me than downsides. It gives me more courage to step forward the next day and go on – after all, life is short to be taken for granted.

One afternoon, I came face to face with a girl, who acts so carelessly and almost frivolously with a guy by her side. She was happy, care-free and nothing seemed to bring her down. She talked to the guy by her side and occasionally fidgeted with her cell phone. Her focus obviously was being diverted with her texting someone in her cell phone, but the guy by her side paid no attention to that. He seemed to be kind and patient with her, gazing at her loveliness and charm with no mingled malice. It was totally obvious that the guy loves her so much. Yet that girl acted as if nothing was more important in the world than her cell phone. They walked around the mall, peeking through the stores here and there. He was occasionally wrapping his hand around hers while they walked. And finally they stopped by a store to get a couple of ice cream. They sat down, chatted a little and laughed a little. Yet the girl was still being diverted with the chirping of her phone and the guy patiently continued to converse with her. In a moment, they stood up and decided to head home. The guy grabbed her hand and gently led her up the vehicle before heading to a different route. The girl, on the other hand, went on texting someone on her phone, smiling and looking around, obviously waiting for something – or someone. Then a frowned came to her face and she waited for the vehicle to zoom on.

Back in her house, she was still texting. This time. she wasn’t smiling anymore. She seemed confused and unable to speak or think straight. She seemed to be at a lost of words to say to her mother and sister but she seemed to be dying to talk to someone else. Something was confusing her. Something was absolutely bothering her. But what? Was it the consequence of the way she acted with her guy? Or maybe it was about something she read on her cell phone sent to her by someone?

She went up to her room and sat down on her bed. Perplexed by her own thoughts, she flicked on her laptop and search for something. I took a peek and found that she was downloading a popular book. But why? That’s weird. She could have opened her Facebook account first. Something must be totally bothering her.

I finally had the courage to ask what and why. She vented her feelings almost immediately. She said she had been absolutely challenged by the way the two most important persons in her life act around her. They have different backgrounds, different interpersonal approach but the way they handle people was totally impressing and indirectly the same. She said she always wanted to be like them. She wanted to know what they have in their skill and apply it to her own approach in life. She said the reason why she was confused because the guy she was texting was mad again and he said it was her fault – again. He said that she hadn’t changed a bit and that she was the same girl he broke up with years ago. She said that he simply wanted to teach her a lesson but she could never understand why he was doing it the way he does – getting mad at her and acting as if everything she does affects him so much. She said he simply wants the best for her and nothing else.

But she was still confused. Mixed emotions was showing on her face when she said that she was definitely glad that someone would still stand up and do things like that just to make her realize the things she ought to learn. But at the same time, she was sad that he was mad again and all because she forgot how she ought to act. On the other hand, if the ‘guy beside her’ found out about this – that she was texting her ex and still having a close bond with him – she didn’t know how he would react. Both of these guys had been using the principles of that book to her and to other people they deal with. So that was why she wanted to find out what made those guys act the way they act. She also said that she was naturally a bashful girl, almost to the point of shying away from people, refusing to deal personally with others. She said she wanted to change and be like those two guys in her life, but was so unsure of what tactics to use and what first step to take.

She leaned back against the sofa and smiled. She lifted her cellphone and texted again.

Realizing that I’ve got my answers, I leaned back. I turned my head around and noticed something - that girl - was me.

I know. This is so bad. I haven’t talked about life in the past few months. Looking back, I haven’t updated for 3 whole months – but it seems like ages to me.

And looking back, almost all of my articles started out like that.. hmm.. I need to reinvent my writing style and mood.

I always wished I could be a good writer but somehow, as I learn more about how life goes nowadays, I seem to lose the words to explain the overwhelming joy that comes with the realization of the better things in life.

In short, as my practical experiences in life escalates, my vocabulary literally decelerates. Like, I can’t even spell C-O-N-S-C-I-O-U-S correctly without typing it out on my laptop first. :)

I only wish I’m like Camille. This girl is deeply my favourite when it comes to writing. She’s so good in expressing herself in words and writing is basically her life. I wish I could read books like she does, that’s why her vocabulary never gets dull. And, yeah, she’s way younger than me. I still like her though, her writing styles and everything…

Anyway, these three months have been three busy months for me. (Oh, I started with November, so it’s actually 4)

November – I finally met up with the business opportunity I’ve been searching for all my life. And with it started a great personality change for me.

December – The busiest of them all. I stayed in Manila for half of the month and attended trainings, seminars, and meetings to actually get to know the business more. My sponsor was so good in twisting my thoughts about these business matters so I practically followed her everywhere. And this is also the month that I finally understand that living in the big city is expensive. Because the few weeks I spent there, I squandered more money than I could in 4 months just staying here in my house, back here in the province. No regrets, though, at least now I fully understand the pros and cons of staying in a big city. :) You gotta have loads of money with you..:)

January – Well, yeah, t’was new year celebration where I actually got so sick, I didn’t know why..But luckily I gotta spent some time (and more money) with my business partners when we went down to Cebu for a local training and party with the company. It was so exciting to see a bunch of people doing the same business and it was so encouraging for someone like me who had been a skeptic before.

February – Heart’s day. Or so they call it. Nothing really happened. Except that I went to Bacolod to do a little business - and more leisure – to help a friend set up her business there. Then more work and leisure and we went up to Baguio to attend the wedding of a family friend. That was the exact day of the heart’s day. I had no date. But I had textmates..thanks to them for making that day less boring..:)
And now it’s March. How time flies so quickly. I can’t believe that in a few more months I’ll be getting older again. And more months to come, new year will come again. Wheww….

Oh yeah, there’s a sad part too. Why on earth young people nowadays tend to forget the consequences of having premarital sex? Yeah, I’m totally against it and yet its happening all around me. I may be living with a totally conservative family but that excludes my extended families. Yeah, someone might get mad, but let’s face it, we’re having these sort of problems right now. And they hate it. And they’re suffering for it. And somehow they still have the guts to take it so lightly and joke with it. Can someone tell me why people are getting so immune with the ‘common’ that they hardly see and feel what’s ‘normal’? For crying out loud, wake up kids….!

Oh well, before I start screaming here, I’m welcoming myself again to the blogging world. I’ve forgotten about my jenamaen.com domain and I think I won’t be spending money on that for now. I’m realizing that I actually can live by sub domains again and not boasting myself with an expensive hosting that I don’t even know how to use.
Bye for now.

About me

jenamaen.com is a hub where I share unique travel destinations I have seen, distinctive novels and other books I have read, beauty products, and fashion innuendos I have tested, and quirky handcrafted stuff I have created. It is a lifestyle blog of an intricate mind.