Monday, October 08, 2007

OK, It’s bad enough when one has to use a public toilet, since they are usually kept in pretty shitty (see what I did there? That’s a play on words!) shape. When given a choice, I will always prefer to use my own bathroom over any public ones.

But sometimes, nature has other ideas.

Like the other day, for instance....

I enter the bathroom. I give the place a good look-over. The place looks pretty clean. Cool… test # 1 of my public restroom experience is passed with flying colors.

I then pick a stall and kick the door open with my foot (I NEVER touch anything with my hands when I’m in a public restroom. I mean NOTHING. I think I have the entire exercise down where I can take care of all my public bathroom business with my feet, and an elbow).

Anyway, I kick the door open, and what do you think I see?

No, nothing gross…

But I see that the previous occupant has covered the rim of the bowl with toilet paper.Now, I know why people do this. Many of YOU probably do it. You do it because heaven forbid your precious little tooshy touches a bowl where other people’s tooshies have touched.

I’m all for that. I get it, really. As I said, I’m a bit of a germ-aphobe myself, so I will gladly fight for your right to not rub heinies with a random stranger.

What pisses me off, however, is the fact that some people are SOOO damn lazy, that after they conclude their business, they don’t feel the need to swat their makeshift toilet cushion into the bowl, so others don’t have to deal with it.

No, they are quite content to just leave their ass-paper there, so now I'M the one that has to now try to become Neo from the Matrix, while I stand on one foot while I try karate kick the offending refuse into the bowl, without either accidentally touching the stall walls, or slipping and dunking my foot in the water.

I can’t fucking STAND that. The next time I see someone leaving a stall, and I notice that there is still toilet paper around the bowl, I swear I am going to grab them by the nuts, drag them back to the stall and give them the Swirlie of their life.