The Oakland Raiders Are Doing It Wrong And 4 Other Thoughts From This Weekend

Each week during the NFL season, I’ll be slinging my random, sometimes nonsensical thoughts about what’s going down. Will I talk about your team’s crazy dealings? Probably not, because I have an east coast liberal media elitist bias. That’s right, only Ivy League flag football will be discussed here.

And speaking of flag football…

Terrelle Pryor’s New Number

While quarterback for THE Embattled Ohio State University, Terrelle Pryor wore the number 2 on his jersey. When the Oakland Raiders drafted Oryor in last week’s supplemental draft and when he finally agreed to terms with them and showed up to practice, Pryor asked his new team if he could wear the No. 2 again.

About that – nobody is ever wearing No. 2 for Oakland again. Because JaMarcus Russell was the biggest No. 2 of them all.

This might be a first. I can’t think of any other teams that have ever unofficially retired a number because a player was so terrible that they think it’s cursed. This could only be better if they forced rookies to spend the night in Russell’s foreclosed mansion. “It’s haunted by the spirits of lost calories,” they’ll warn.

As one of the many lucky people who grabbed Houston Texans running back Arian Foster in the middle rounds of a keeper fantasy draft last year, I can certainly appreciate what he brought to the table. Now, though, the guy who is arguably the No. 1 overall fantasy draft pick has popped his hamstring twice in the preseason, and he has fantasy owners concerned.

I put nothing but positive thoughts and energy out on here, but look at what gets the attention. This reiterates my original point.

I can’t bag on Foster for this comment, because he’s right. Who among us hasn’t cursed an athlete’s name for an injury and its subsequent damage to our fantasy hopes and dreams? We’re all jerks for that, and it’s good to see Foster slapping some sense into us. Just like he better slap two TDs into the end zone Week 1, if he knows what’s good for him.

The Steelers have a GM now

It’s funny that so many teams across all of the major professional sports leagues struggle to find capable front office leadership, and yet the Pittsburgh Steelers have been playing for 78 years and they just finally hired the first General Manager in team history in 50-year old Kevin Colbert. No disrespect to Big Kev, but Stephen Colbert would have been more entertaining.

As for the necessity of the position, Dan Rooney had obviously been calling all the shots as the team’s president, but it still provides further validity to my claim that perennial loser franchises, like my beloved sucktastic Miami Dolphins, should be forced to attend seminars held by Steelers personnel until they understand the simple things like how to draft a quarterback, not blowing your second round pick every year, and DRAFTING A FREAKING QUARTERBACK.

Roger Goodell Is Kinder, Gentler

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, who received the titles of Judge, Jury and Executioner in the new CBA, made a ruling on the status of two players who spent their lockout/offseason dealing with legal problems. Tampa Bay Buccaneers DB Aqib Talib and Tennessee Titans WR Kenny Britt were both arrested for their own quirky adventures. To recap:

Talib was arrested after he and his mother allegedly shot at his sister’s boyfriend at their home.

Britt was arrested twice during the lockout – once for speeding, evading police and attempting to ditch his Porsche, and again the next day for resisting arrest after two officers smelled marijuana near him. Since joining the NFL in 2009, Britt has had 7 run-ins with the law.

Talib may be suspended next year, depending on the results of his March trial, but Britt walked away with a slap on the wrist. A seventh, worthless slap on the wrist.

“I hope I don’t get nobody’s nothing, no call or anything again in life unless it’s ‘Good job on the field,’ ” Britt said about the commissioner’s warning.

“There’s always a doubt in your mind that things might happen to you. But hey, I left it to the man upstairs and prayed about it, and it came out good on my behalf.”

Chalk up another victory for Jesus!

If You Put A Gun To My Head

I don’t like making bold predictions before the season even begins, but I am going to anyway, and I’m probably going to change these predictions along the way and pretend like I was right all along. Colin Cowherd taught me well.

Prediction #1: The St. Louis Rams will run away with the NFC West. Twenty teams will request to be moved to the NFC West.

Prediction #2: The Jacksonville Jaguars will find a way to lose their bye week.

Only because they live in Detroit. The Lions have nothing to do with it.

By: poonTASTIC

08.29.2011 @ 2:10 PM

fuck Arian Foster. Does he think that Houston fans actually ‘care’ about him as a person? If he does, he’s insane. They care about the same thing fantasy owners care about. Run fast and score often. If Foster is hurt for the year and Tate has 1500 yards / 16 TD’s, nobody will remember Foster plays for them.

***drafted Foster and is now nervous***

By: MassConspiracy

08.29.2011 @ 8:00 PM

Guys who play fantasy football are virgins and/or nerds, unlike me, the bad ass who just so happens to post on uproxx blogs. #ARIANNATION

By: Smegga

08.29.2011 @ 8:09 PM

I love the NFL, and have for a long time, but I can’t understand fantasy football.

When I watch a game, I watch two teams competing against each other. In fantasy, you are hoping one player gets more carries while hoping his wide receiver teammate gets no catches because you have a friend who has the player on his team.

It brings in money for the NFL and also makes it more popular, but man I would just like to sit and watch a game without all of the updates and fantasy points tables coming up on screen.

Still, I’m one of the minorities. It’s not hurting anyone and you guys enjoy it.