Don't knock Scientology, says theology student Will

And so to a Will Smith promotional interview, in which the actor both leaps to the spiritual defence of his good friend Tom Cruise, and reminds us that Scientology is the religion with science right up there in the title.

"I'm a student of world religion," explains the star. "The ideas of the Bible are 98% the same ideas of Scientology, 98% the same ideas of Hinduism and Buddhism."

Yes. It's a shame to have to go over this again, but according to numerous whistleblower accounts, one of the innermost secrets of Scientology - which reportedly costs about $360,000 to reach - is this: 75bn years ago, the intergalactic alien tyrant Xenu exiled manifold individuals to Earth in special craft - which, intriguingly, looked exactly like DC8s. These beings were then imprisoned in mountains before being blown up with hydrogen bombs and brainwashed with a huge 3D film. Their traumatised spirits - "Body Thetans" - then clustered around human bodies and continue to do so to this very day, and can only be removed using advanced Scientology. Xenu is currently held captive in a mountain by a forcefield. Just like the Buddha. Oh, wait ...

"It's dangerous and it's ignorant," Will concludes of the criticism of Scientology. "How can I condemn someone for what they believe and I believe that God was born from a pregnant virgin?"

I rather think Will has answered his own question. Either way, that is all we have time for from our Professor Emeritus of Theology (University of Bad Boys 2).