Liar, Liar

Council staff in Harrow, north London, must feel like maniacal puppeteers in the Theatre of Irony that is the Benefits Claim Office. And if they are the puppeteers, those claiming benefits fraudulently are soon to be their Pinocchios.

“Lie detectors will be used to help root out benefit cheats, Work and Pensions Secretary John Hutton has said.

So-called "voice-risk analysis software" will be used by council staff to help identify suspect claims.

It can detect minute changes in a caller's voice which give clues as to when they may be lying.”

Watch their noses grow! It’s that easy.

The system supposedly identifies what a ‘normal caller’s’ voice sounds like and then establishes what deviates from that norm.

"This ensures it takes any natural variation, for example due to nerves or shyness, into account.

The software then looks for changes in voice tone and frequency and performs thousands of mathematical calculations to identify signs that someone could be lying."

Londonist is all for rooting out benefit cheats and sincerely hopes that this scheme works, but it seems a bit too, dare we say it, technical for any local council to carry out successfully. The equipment will inevitably malfunction and there’s always going to be some idiot high on a power trip who notices that 89-year-old Mrs. Johnston stuttered a bit on that last question (“Do you, or any illegal immigrants in your home, use electricity at peak hours? Yes? So you admit to housing illegal immigrants?! That’s it, you’re busted, lady) and will wrongly accuse some innocent people whilst letting the biggest cheats fall through the cracks. Because guess what, Harrow Council? If someone is ballsy enough to try to claim benefits they don’t deserve, they’re probably going to be pretty good at lying.

Now, pull you hands out of those socks, stop watching CSI: Las Vegas and get back to work.