Clawing to escape the belly of the beast here in Hollywood. To commiserate, email my name assistantatlas at yahoo.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

You Make the Call Game: The Horror, the Horror

For the past several months, whenever a lit agent's assistant called a development person in Ho'wood and asked what kind of scripts they wanted, the answer usually went something like: "We're interested in high-concept, character-driven pieces. . .oh, and horror."

And God help the lit assistant without a solid horror script. You might as well have been humping a dead cow for all the good those other kinds of scripts will do you. Even as I typed that, I got a nasty mental picture. Sorry. But it's true-- many development folks are stuck in the low-cost, high-profit horror genre, and they're only beginning to break out of it.

So today's You Make the Call Game involves one of those horror scripts that did get picked up. And, with all due respect to those involved [and I do love you, guys], it's a giant pile of crap. However, as we Ho'wooders know, crap can make money if the conditions are right. The script itself is a pretty standard affair-- masked baddie pursues good guys, killing them off until the dramatic final stand with the heroine. Of course, they're trying to make it more women-centric [men dominate horror auds] by showing some male skin and having a strong lead actress. So which actress is up to par and which is up to being snuffed out viciously? Plus, you get cast your vote for your favorite pretty boy in this week's You Make the Call Game.

The HeroineMischa Barton Vs. Eliza Dushku Vs. Maggie Grace Vs. Devon AokiWhy are most of these budding starlets from TV? Because TV actresses are cheaper and, theoretically, have built-in fanbases. I won't go into a detailed history on these ladies, as most are now household, or at least, industrywide-recognized, names. If you want a bio, click their name for the relevant IMDB page.

The 'Best Friend' Who Gets Gruesomely MurderedParis Hilton Vs. Tara Reid Vs. Jenny McCarthyFor this role, the big question is: who do you want to see killed in a horrible fashion? Killing Paris didn't seem to help "House of Wax" all that much, but maybe it wasn't gruesome enough. I mean, "See Paris Die" [one of Wax's taglines] won't get me to buy a ticket, but "See Paris Be Tortured and Burned Alive Like the Witch She Is" might. Personally, I think Tara Reid could use both the work and the final nail in her career coffin, but that's just me. There's also Jenny McCarthy, who's currently trying to trick us into thinking she's more than a nice rack with "Dirty Love". It won't work.

The Lover BoyWilmer Valderrama Vs. Jesse Metcalfe Vs. Eddie CibrianAccording to my sources, "We just need someone who looks good without a lot of clothing for this role." So, essentially, the question for this role is: of these guys, who would you most like to see naked?

So remember, folks, even crappy horror movies need actors. Who would you call for these roles?