The meaning of life question (“Why are we all here?”) is philosophical, and hasn’t been answered with consensus scientifically.

But the meaning in life question (“How can I find meaning and significance within my life?”) is one that has.

Here’s how:

Align your everyday behaviours and choices with the person that you want to become. Our everyday actions bring meaning when they move us towards our longer-term goals and values.

Use your unique strengths to contribute to something greater than yourself. This may be through charity work, pursuing a greater sense of spirituality, undertaking a new and fulfilling career, or often just engaging with your current work in a new and more purposeful way.

Scientific research says that one of the key ingredients to your well-being is your ability to cultivate gratitude.

Being thankful for the experiences and people that give your life value and meaning is associated with an abundance of benefits, which include:

positiveemotionssuchasjoy,enthusiasm andlove,

increased optimism,

increasedactsofhelpfulness,generosityand co-operation,

a reduced risk of depression and anxiety,

the healing of old hurts and emotional suffering,

improvedimmunefunction and recovery from illness,

lowerbloodpressure and better physical health,

resilience and an enhanced ability to cope with stress,

protectionfromdestructiveimpulsessuch asenvy,resentment andgreed, and

greatly enhanced life satisfaction.

But here’s the irony of this post. If you decide to practice gratitude simply for self-improvements sake, or the act of practising gratitude feels like it’s a chore, then the effects will most likely not be as strong.

The real benefits come when our appreciation of the world we live in, and the people that we share it with, is genuine, deep and authentic.

If you want to cultivate authentic gratitude, I suggest you start with thinking, writing about or expressing with another, your admiration for:

the small, everyday things in life that bring us richness, love or joy,

the miraculous universe we live in,

the deep connectedness that we share with others and have with all living things,

the kindness, thoughtfulness and warmth experienced from someone around us, or

the inspiration we receive from others to share and spread this kindness.

At its core, I think that cultivating authentic gratitude within our lives comes down to a choice.

A choice that has nothing to do with your actual life circumstances, and everything to do with how you choose to interpret both the world, and the people that you share it with.

Like this:

If there is one topic I have come across within the literature that has had the biggest impact on my own well-being, it is the topic of vulnerability. Having an intellectual understanding of its importance, as well as developing the courage to practice it daily in my own life, has made my life richer and changed the person that I am for the better.

What is vulnerability?

Vulnerability is the simple (yet extremely challenging!) act of being and sharing all of you. It involves stepping into the uncertainty and risk associated with sharing our true and imperfect selves with others, including our deepest feelings, doubts, fears and truths.

Understanding vulnerability and its importance starts with an understanding of what so often gets in the way of us being vulnerable more often: we want others to like us.

We all care so deeply about others liking us because this is essentially what makes us human. Connection with others and the sense of belonging it brings invites love, joy, purpose and meaning into our lives.

The really big problem with wanting everyone to like us

The problem comes when we sacrifice vulnerability and trade in who we really are to be someone we’re not, in an attempt to meet our need for connection and belonging. We can so easily fall into the trap of hiding our deepest feelings, fears, struggles and truths to be liked and fit in, presenting ourselves to others in the way we think we should be, instead of risking the possibility of being rejected for who we truly are.

Yes, I’m well aware that fitting in and hiding parts of ourselves feels like the easiest and safest thing to do. But there are two significant downsides we’re rarely told about that come with choosing this approach.

First, when we hide who we truly are and how we truly feel, we almost always experience either anxiety, depression, addiction, blame, resentment, grief, or a multiple of the above. These emotions and behaviours arise when we pretend to be someone we’re not, or do not fully open up and be vulnerable by sharing our deepest selves to those around us.

Second, when we sacrifice who we truly are in order to connect with others, what we actually sacrifice is, ironically, the opportunity to experience true connection.

The beauty of your imperfections

Being vulnerable and sharing all of you – including your deepest emotions, insecurities and imperfections – is actually at the very core of meaningful, human experiences. When we share all of ourselves with others, we create the opportunity to cultivate a sense of connectedness that is far deeper and richer than we would ever experience by substituting who we are for the hope of fitting in. And when we open up and share ourselves, we also invite and help those around us to do exactly the same, too.

Understanding and practising this has (and still is) changing my life. Before, I had spent much of my life sacrificing and hiding parts of who I truly was, using my achievements and ‘successes’ as a shield. The sad thing with this is that it was all in an attempt to build a sense of connection, yet all I was actually doing was restricting true connection from occurring.

3 steps to being vulnerable

Of course, the journey from fear and fitting in to risk, uncertainty and vulnerability is a difficult and scary one, and one that I still constantly struggle with. But after much thought and reflection, I think that it begins with these 3 steps:

Learning to be completely okay and accepting of all of who you are, and reminding yourself that you are enough, exactly as the person that you are right now. You must remember also that once you see this, others will easily see it, too.

Remembering to define yourself as so much more than the image someone else may have of you. And if you are judged, remember that it is only a reflection of the one doing the judging, and does not mean that you are wrong.

Letting go of the unhelpful belief that you need to be loved, or well liked, by everyone in your life.

The gift of rejection

It is essential to understand that when we share our deepest feelings, fears and truths that some people may like us less, or even run away, and that this is perfectly OK. After all, just because someone rejects you for who you truly are, does not mean that there is anything wrong with you. And just because someone is not willing or able to love you as you, does not mean that you are not loveable.

And the magic of this rejection is that it opens the door to connecting with another because of, and not despite of, who you truly are. And I think that connecting with another because of who we truly are is possibly the most magical experience that there is in this life: it trumps any achievements, awards, money or fame that we will ever have, and feels so much richer than when we connect with another only because we are hiding a certain part of us.

One final thing

When you are next faced with the opportunity to either hide a part of yourself, or to be vulnerable, authentic, and share who you truly are and how you truly feel with someone that is important to you, I find that it helps to remember this:

The more of your true self that you share with another, the more of you that there now is for them to connect with and love about you.

And when we have people around us that do truly listen, empathise and love us unconditionally and without judgement when we are being all of us, it’s important to not take them for granted, and to tell them just how much gratitude we hold in our hearts for knowing and having them in our life.

For people like this are surely the greatest gift that we can ever receive, and my experience is that it hurts deeply when they are no longer around.

[Note: Hat tip to Dr Brené Brown and Jules O’Neil, whose research, work and teachings have collectively inspired this post. If you want to learn more about vulnerability and connection, I highly recommend Brown’s text Daring Greatly. It’s a brilliant, insightful and thought-provoking read.]

Like this:

Research shows that the goals we strive for tomorrow have a powerful effect on the person that we are today.

When we strive for power, a control over others or the pursuit of material things, we typically languish. We get caught in a rat-race that we can never win, and can become easily distracted from what’s truly important in this life.

When we instead strive for connection, a sense of spirituality or generosity towards others, we typically flourish. Our well-being is high, our physical health good, and we find a sense of meaning, purpose and value within our everyday lives, allowing us to also enjoy the here and now.

If you want to be happy and flourish in this life, it’s not about asking what you can get from the world.