Gail Brennerhttp://gailbrenner.com
Practical Wisdom for Clarity, Freedom, and HappinessFri, 02 Mar 2018 15:41:27 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.4Dr. Gail Brenner is a psychologist and author who joyfully helps people discover that suffering is optional. Her writings and videos can be found at www.GailBrenner.com and in her forthcoming book, "The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life" (March, 2015). This podcast offers guided meditations that help you find your way to peace, even in the midst of challenging thoughts and feelings. Please visit www.GailBrenner.com for more.Dr. Gail BrennercleanDr. Gail Brennergail@gailbrenner.comgail@gailbrenner.com (Dr. Gail Brenner)Home at Last—Guided Meditations for Awakening to PresenceDr. Gail Brennerhttp://gailbrenner.com/wp-content/uploads/gbrenner_itunes.jpghttp://gailbrenner.com
16600858gailbrenner/teDDhttps://feedburner.google.comSubscribe with My Yahoo!Subscribe with NewsGatorSubscribe with My AOLSubscribe with BloglinesSubscribe with NetvibesSubscribe with GoogleSubscribe with PageflakesSubscribe with PlusmoSubscribe with The Free DictionarySubscribe with Bitty BrowserSubscribe with Live.comSubscribe with Excite MIXSubscribe with WebwagSubscribe with Podcast ReadySubscribe with WikioSubscribe with Daily RotationHow to Make Space for Joy and Celebrationhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/0eanKGBqz24/
http://gailbrenner.com/2018/03/make-space-joy-and-celebration/#commentsFri, 02 Mar 2018 10:00:06 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=6001“You have the freedom, ability, and authority to love your life. Just be you, then wait.” ~Gangaji If your attention is in your head, and you’re going over stories, worries, and resentments for the zillionth time, there’s no way you’re going to experience the joy and celebration you just somehow know are possible. Something in you knows that you weren’t put on this earth to always feel ill-at-ease and bothered. Something in you knows that joy and celebration are possible ...Read More

]]>“You have the freedom, ability, and authority to love your life. Just be you, then wait.”
~Gangaji

If your attention is in your head, and you’re going over stories, worries, and resentments for the zillionth time, there’s no way you’re going to experience the joy and celebration you just somehow know are possible.

Something in you knows that you weren’t put on this earth to always feel ill-at-ease and bothered. Something in you knows that joy and celebration are possible for you—you just don’t know how to find your way to them.

Space for Joy

I saw how this works firsthand when I was speaking with a client the other day. She was telling me about complicated family dynamics involving conflict, chaos, and various kinds of dysfunction.

There was a lot of story, and I started asking myself where she was going with all of it.

I politely interrupted her and invited her to bring her attention to her feelings and the sensations in her body. She found nausea in the pit of her stomach along with sadness and resentment—and she noticed a tendency to avoid these feelings by going back into her thoughts.

Does that ring a bell—avoiding what you’re feeling by going into your thoughts?

Taking me up on the invitation to stay with the feelings instead of going back into the story, within a few minutes, her eyes lit up. She told me she suddenly felt a burst of joy and excitement about an upcoming positive event.

What We Miss

If she had kept avoiding the feelings in her body—and kept spinning around in the narrative in her mind—would she have experienced the aliveness of feeling joyful and excited? No. Her attention would have been tangled up with the endless retelling of why her family members should be different than they are.

And she would have missed out on being conscious of her present moment experience. She would have missed the opportunity to bring kindness and acceptance to what she was feeling.

And she would have missed the joy that appeared once her mind stopped chewing on so many thoughts.

For many of us, the repetitive swirl of thoughts in our minds is a familiar home base.

We think we’re going to find solutions if we keep thinking about the problems.

We’re just used to thinking a lot and don’t consider any alternatives—even if we’re miserable.

What are you missing out on by trying to solve unsolvable situations in your mind? What is possible for you if you’re mind-space isn’t full of thoughts and the tension that comes with avoiding feelings?

There’s only one way to find out. And it’s the sacred step that sets you free.

The Sacred Step that Sets You Free

Take a breath and open to whatever you’re experiencing. Be the spacious presence that accepts whatever arises unconditionally. It’s so simple—and utterly glorious.

Your mind will tell you that you’ll be stuck in painful feelings forever. But this is the mind’s strategy to keep you thinking.

Instead, expand beyond your familiar and limited ideas of yourself. Consider a new and fresh approach, which is to open to what’s here with an overflowing generous heart.

Trust your inner knowing to guide you to explore the expansiveness of being present.

Peace, joy, gratitude, celebration, love…these are all right here, available to you when you end the fight with your experience.

But you won’t find them in your mind. And they won’t have space to blossom if your mind is perpetually busy.

Welcome your feelings fully, and soon they’ll settle. Then you’re primed to discover the spaciousness from which infinite possibilities emerge.

What About You?

Are you available to joy and celebration? Reports or questions? I’d love to hear…

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2018/03/make-space-joy-and-celebration/feed/36001http://gailbrenner.com/2018/03/make-space-joy-and-celebration/Meeting Anger with Love and Understandinghttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/-pIWBNwQrBE/
http://gailbrenner.com/2018/02/anger/#commentsThu, 08 Feb 2018 20:46:09 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5984“Whatever you resist you become. If you resist anger, you are always angry. If you resist sadness, you are always sad. If you resist suffering, you are always suffering. If you resist confusion, you are always confused. We think that we resist certain states because they are there, but actually they are there because we resist them.” ~Adyashanti Note: In this post, I’m sharing the presentation I made at the Science and Nonduality Conference (SAND) in October, 2017. I hope ...Read More

]]>“Whatever you resist you become. If you resist anger, you are always angry. If you resist sadness, you are always sad. If you resist suffering, you are always suffering. If you resist confusion, you are always confused. We think that we resist certain states because they are there, but actually they are there because we resist them.”
~Adyashanti

Note: In this post, I’m sharing the presentation I made at the Science and Nonduality Conference (SAND) in October, 2017. I hope you find it helpful! Love, Gail

Whether it leaves you seething inside or it explodes into your relationships, anger is a powerful emotion. But many of us are uncomfortable with anger, especially if we think we’re “spiritually advanced” enough to have moved beyond it.

How do we react to feeling angry? We fight it, justify it, deny it, or stuff it. We’re frustrated when anger overcomes us and we feel so out of control. We feel guilty if we believe it’s an unwholesome emotion we shouldn’t experience.

Anger is one of the ways the timeless, formless breath of life breathes itself into form. So let’s bring anger out of the shadows of shame and meet it with the endless embrace of love and understanding.

Anger is a normal expression of the human experience. And seen through the eyes of awakened awareness, it’s a doorway to embodying our essential aliveness beyond time and space.

We investigate the experience of anger that’s behind the actions it brings about. Anger consists of a narrative in the mind and strong physical sensations in the body.

We’ll explore how anger contributes to the pain of separation and learn ways to be with the elements of anger that are practical and enlivening.

Unexamined anger feeds the illusion of the separate, limited self. When we turn toward anger with curiosity, it’s no longer the raging beast driving us, but becomes a powerful ally for awakening and authentic living.

To download, click Download. The audio will open in a new window. Then for Mac’s, control-click, then “Save video as…”. For PC’s, right click.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2018/02/anger/feed/35984http://gailbrenner.com/2018/02/anger/Out of Habits; Into Freedomhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/pl-8QK1hJyo/
http://gailbrenner.com/2018/01/out-of-habits-into-freedom/#commentsFri, 12 Jan 2018 10:00:32 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5976“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” ~Albert Einstein If you’re interested in finding freedom from automatic habits that overtake you, where do you start? How can you begin to make the sacred shift back to yourself? Just asking this question is an opportunity for celebration because it’s the beginning of a new relationship with your own experience. Rather than being gripped by the patterns that arise in you, you’re ready to bring ...Read More

]]>“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”
~Albert Einstein

If you’re interested in finding freedom from automatic habits that overtake you, where do you start?

How can you begin to make the sacred shift back to yourself?

Just asking this question is an opportunity for celebration because it’s the beginning of a new relationship with your own experience.

Rather than being gripped by the patterns that arise in you, you’re ready to bring consciousness to them. You’re ready to move beyond same old, same old to a way of being that is fresh and free.

You’re poised to discover the stable field of ease and well-being that’s always available beyond any painful story of lack or need.

Whatever your pattern is—fear that blocks you, the need to please others, a sense of not being good enough, a tendency to criticize, compulsive behaviors or addictions—these arise in you, but they aren’t the truth of you.

How to meet these conditioned habits so they serve your awakening?

Find the Gap

If you look carefully, you’ll see it’s possible to find a gap between you and the thoughts and emotions that arise in you.

Instead of being locked into the content of your stories, notice your thoughts. Observe how emotions move in your body. Be aware of the urges behind your behavior.

Get curious about what these patterns are and how they bring about suffering.

And notice that the observing part of you, that which notices, is peaceful and problem-free.

Press Pause

When you’re caught in the energy of a habit, press pause. Habits are automatic and repetitive. They run outside of conscious awareness.

As much as you can, stop the momentum by pressing pause. Take a conscious breath. Look around you and deeply experience the present moment.

Feel the radical shift from the tension of conditioning to expansion into present moment awareness.

Now move from this sense of being fully alive rather than from the fog of conditioning.

Ask Questions

Forget the self-bashing and shame when you realize you’ve been locked into a pattern. Instead, with great kindness, ask questions. Be curious about the answers that appear.

What is happening in my experience right now?

What stories am I believing that may not be true?

What can I surrender right now that isn’t serving?

What am I avoiding that is asking for my attention?

Can I open to what’s happening in my body right now?

Can I stop, breathe, and simply be aware?

What is most alive in me right now?

See how you can have a whole new relationship to your experience? You don’t have to mindlessly play out patterns that take you away from peace.

Find the gap, press pause, and ask questions. No longer stuck in the story, you’re here: awake, openhearted, and fully intimate with life as it is in this precious moment.

What About You?

What is your experience with these practices? Questions? Reports? I’d love to hear.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2018/01/out-of-habits-into-freedom/feed/115976http://gailbrenner.com/2018/01/out-of-habits-into-freedom/How to Have Beginner’s Mindhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/0fmzq9lyRhE/
http://gailbrenner.com/2017/12/beginners-mind/#commentsThu, 14 Dec 2017 21:06:05 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5963“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.” ~Shunryu Suzuki There’s a phrase in Zen Buddhism known as “beginner’s mind.” No, I’m not a Buddhist, but I love that in any moment, any of us can be a beginner. Any of us can be free of thoughts that constrict, judge, limit, and define. We can be open to reality just as it is—wondrous, uncluttered, fresh, and new. We can always begin again. If ...Read More

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2017/12/beginners-mind/feed/165963http://gailbrenner.com/2017/12/beginners-mind/What Does It Mean to Accept Your Present Moment Experience?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/dDKktazRDSY/
http://gailbrenner.com/2017/09/what-does-it-mean-to-accept-your-present-moment-experience/#commentsThu, 14 Sep 2017 20:54:06 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5946“Transforming yourself is a means of giving light to the whole world.” ~Ramana Maharshi I talk a lot about accepting your present moment experience. Someone recently asked what exactly I’m inviting you to accept, ​​​​​​​and I’m sure she isn’t the only one with this question. Should you accept abusive situations?​​​​​​​ Should you accept that you don’t know how to stand up to others?​​​​​​​ Should you accept that you’re single when you don’t want to be?​​​​​​​ If you accept everything, does ...Read More

]]>“Transforming yourself is a means of giving light to the whole world.”
~Ramana Maharshi

I talk a lot about accepting your present moment experience. Someone recently asked what exactly I’m inviting you to accept, ​​​​​​​and I’m sure she isn’t the only one with this question.

Should you accept abusive situations?​​​​​​​

Should you accept that you don’t know how to stand up to others?​​​​​​​

Should you accept that you’re single when you don’t want to be?​​​​​​​

If you accept everything, does nothing ever change?

Accept and Welcome Everything

Acceptance is not about giving up and resigning yourself to staying stuck in painful situations. It’s not about putting up with anyone or anything and being miserable.

It’s a full-on welcoming of what is true right now that shows you where you’re stuck—and it paves the way forward to freedom.

Say you feel frustrated with yourself because you let people take advantage of you. If this is your experience, I imagine you’re suffering because of it. Do you just have to live with this way of being forever?

Here is what’s arising in your in-the-moment experience:

​The feeling of frustration, and​​​​​​​

The belief about yourself that you can’t say no or set appropriate boundaries.​​​​​​​

Explore deeper into your present moment experience, and you’ll probably find a fear of rejection or of not being liked.

Putting any story about your feelings aside for the moment, the invitation is to fully accept the fear and frustration that are present. Without analyzing anything or trying to problem-solve, you simple open to the feelings that are here, sitting quietly and noticing the sensations present in your body.

If you offer this acceptance to your feelings for a little while, you’ll probably start to feel more peaceful.

Right away, you can see that the stressful feelings come from believing your thoughts. And when you put the thoughts aside for a moment and just be with the pure feelings, all is well.

Shining the Light on False Identities

If you’re suffering because you let others take advantage of you—or for any other reason—you’re living under a limiting and false identity that keeps you locked into relationships and patterns that aren’t working for you.

Deep acceptance of your present moment experience and the insights it brings is the opening you need. You start to recognize where your conditioning has taken hold—and how you can be more aligned with your true nature.

Wise Behavior Change

Accepting things as they are now, how can you shift to a more authentic way of being? You take bold and powerful steps infused with truth. This is wise behavior change.​​​

You can let the stories go and welcome your feelings.​​​​​​​

You can stay connected to your deepest desire to be free of conditioned habits that aren’t serving you.​​​​​​​

You can practice saying no to requests that make you uncomfortable.​​​​​​​

You can stay connected to yourself and what you really want rather than worrying about disappointing others.​​​​​​​

A Fresh Beginning

Acceptance isn’t a dead end—rather it’s a fresh beginning.

You may not like seeing how you’ve been stuck in programmed patterns or that you’ve made choices that don’t support your happiness. But when you accept, you are opening the path to a truth-based way of being.

Like an alcoholic getting sober, you get fed up with the pain of your conditioning and vow to find another way that feels better. And there always is one.

This path of truth is fierce. If we want to be happy, we need to be honest with ourselves.

​​​​​​​Acceptance of what is right now is the starting point to begin the realignment with truth.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2017/09/what-does-it-mean-to-accept-your-present-moment-experience/feed/155946http://gailbrenner.com/2017/09/what-does-it-mean-to-accept-your-present-moment-experience/Take a Glorious Breathhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/mhoucY0f8oE/
http://gailbrenner.com/2017/08/take-a-glorious-breath/#commentsFri, 25 Aug 2017 03:20:57 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5938“Best of all is to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song.” ~Konrad von Gesner Most of us underestimate the power of a conscious breath. But if you want to stop the momentum of programmed habits, it’s a tool you’ll want to have in your back pocket ​​​ Just about every client I’ve ever worked with naturally takes an expansive breath, almost a deep sigh, ...Read More

“Best of all is to preserve everything
in a pure, still heart, and let there be
for every pulse a thanksgiving,
and for every breath a song.”
~Konrad von Gesner

Most of us underestimate the power of a conscious breath. But if you want to stop the momentum of programmed habits, it’s a tool you’ll want to have in your back pocket
​​​
Just about every client I’ve ever worked with naturally takes an expansive breath, almost a deep sigh, when they first realize that their attention has been captured by a conditioned thought pattern.

This breath is like a homecoming. It breathes life into the body that’s been closed down and forgotten by endless mental activity, and helps the mind to open beyond a habitual and contracted line of thinking.

Just this morning someone was raving about the benefits of conscious breathing, as it helps her stop the habitual movement into anger. As a result, her relationships are improving, and she revealed, “I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin.”

How Conscious Breathing Affects the Body

Conscious breathing calms the nervous system by relaxing your muscles, slowing your heart rate, and bringing oxygen throughout your body. It acts as a reset, taking you off the treadmill of mental patterns that run automatically so you can find the stillness and ease of being present in the moment.

Our lungs are actually quite large, going from the top of the collarbone to the bottom of the ribs and expanding through the front, sides, and back of the body. That’s a lot of space to fill up with air!

When we’re caught in stressful thinking, our breathing is shallow, using only a small portion of the upper lung. And the muscles and connective tissue around the chest, belly, and back are tense. And some of us even forget to breathe.

Let’s Breathe…

Here are the instructions for conscious breathing. And if you click here, you’ll find an audio recording I made for you that will guide you.

Start by bringing your attention to your low belly, just below the belly button. You might even put your hand there so you can feel your belly expand and contract.

Exhale out all the air completely, then inhale from your belly, taking four slow counts to fill your lungs completely to the top of the collarbone…1…2…3…4. You’ll feel your ribs expand all around your body.

Then exhale slowly for a count of six…1…2…3…4…5…6.

Come back to normal breathing, and just be still.

When you’re ready, try a few more deep conscious breaths. You can change the counts for the inhale and exhale however you need to so it’s comfortable for your body.

Here is an audio recording I made for you to try out conscious breathing.

What About You?

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2017/08/take-a-glorious-breath/feed/25938http://gailbrenner.com/2017/08/take-a-glorious-breath/Finding Your Inner Coachhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/AsNKHn5lw8c/
http://gailbrenner.com/2017/07/finding-your-inner-coach/#commentsFri, 28 Jul 2017 04:06:24 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5926“At a certain point, we need to grow up; we need to look inside ourselves for our inner guidance.” ​​​​​​​~Adyashanti I was speaking to a friend the other day who is often caught in a mindset of lack. His mind seems to love reciting all the things that are missing from his life, especially a relationship with a woman. ​​​ But this time something different happened. Instead of being taken down this sad and lonely road of lack, this golden ...Read More

]]>“At a certain point, we need to grow up; we need to look inside ourselves for our inner guidance.”
​​​​​​​~Adyashanti

I was speaking to a friend the other day who is often caught in a mindset of lack. His mind seems to love reciting all the things that are missing from his life, especially a relationship with a woman.
​​​
But this time something different happened. Instead of being taken down this sad and lonely road of lack, this golden phrase appeared: “Wait a minute!”

“Wait a minute”— it completely woke him out of the dream of lack and brought him into the reality of the present moment.

Then he began to question:

What is present?

Is everything okay right now?

Do I have to wait for a partner to do the things I want to do?

It was a spontaneous and fresh offering of universal intelligence showing him the way to freedom.

Accessing the Inner Coach

For a while on my journey, the phrase that arose was, “Go in.” To me, that meant to let go of all the thinking in my head and bring my attention down into the body to welcome sensations. Then I sat with great peace, just being this space.

Saying, “Go in,” short-circuited the swirling thoughts every time, and eventually they stopped taking hold.

Someone else I know says, “Go back.” This phrase tells her to let her attention fall away from the world of people and situations—and the world of her own thoughts and feelings. She stops feeding her anxiety and trying to figure out what others need.

She comes back to herself…to the space behind her eyes…to the breath…to being grounded in this now moment.

Help for Discovering Your True Nature

These phrases are a sign that your inner coach is alive and well. It’s the voice in you that knows your personal “I” thoughts don’t serve peace and happiness. It’s the one who is already awake to the magnificent aliveness of your true nature—beckoning you home.

Your inner coach guides you from contraction to creativity. Another friend was stuck in a grabby, fear-based thought pattern. All she could see were scary outcomes with no satisfying solution.

Then, “Hey, wait!” appeared. She took some moments in stillness, and then became aware of a number of practical solutions to the problem she was wrestling with, and the fear disappeared.

Programmed habits often hold on tightly because they’re highly reinforced. We’ve been thinking them and acting on them for most of our lives.

This is why we need skillful means to awaken out of them. And your inner coach is one ally in this process.

What About You?

What is your inner coach saying? How is it helping you? And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2017/07/finding-your-inner-coach/feed/175926http://gailbrenner.com/2017/07/finding-your-inner-coach/The Pain of Judging Thoughtshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/LGvSLw82fZo/
http://gailbrenner.com/2017/06/judging-thoughts/#commentsFri, 16 Jun 2017 04:00:40 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5916“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” ~Rumi Any belief that we hold onto makes us feel separate. We blame, criticize, and divide the world into right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable. The pain of the judging mind runs rampant. Every day I hear of people judging the decisions they made when they were younger, judging their appearance, judging every word that comes out of their mouth, and judging what other people ...Read More

Use the opportunity to break down your own mental ideas that divide and separate, and connect with the tender humanness of the other person. Can you simply say OK to them as they are?

And if you’re judging yourself, you already know that it doesn’t serve your peace and happiness.

Whatever you’re judging about yourself needs your love and care. Hold that part of you like a loving mother holds her child. Bring compassion to the one who is hurting, to the one who is doing her best.

Be supremely kind with your own inner experience.

Leaning Into Love

One day as I was driving, I noticed that the car in front of me had a vanity license plate that sent a message about the driver’s self-importance. A harsh judging thought arose in my mind about how conceited that person must be. And immediately I felt a strong, almost physical stab of sadness and separation.

Letting that feeling be, I looked for another way.

I felt deep compassion for the human condition—the one who judges and the one who chose to publicize their views about themselves on a license plate. Did that license plate really matter to me?

This seemingly trivial experience led to a huge heart opening that included everyone and everything. My internal dividing walls collapsed, and I fell into an ocean of love.

It’s the nature of the mind to judge, but you don’t have to give those judging thoughts any of your interest and attention.

You don’t have to engage with them at all.

Let them float off like a cloud moving across the sky. And find your way to your huge, natural, loving, open heart. You’re going to love it, I promise you.

What About You?

Do you notice the pain of judging thoughts? What’s another way? I’d love to hear…. And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2017/06/judging-thoughts/feed/235916http://gailbrenner.com/2017/06/judging-thoughts/Getting Out of Prisonhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/mC5EqnTrXiU/
http://gailbrenner.com/2017/05/getting-out-of-prison/#commentsThu, 04 May 2017 21:58:09 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5908“What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.” ~Eckhart Tolle​​​​​​​ We all hold identities about ourselves, and these are the filters through which we view the world. Say that being capable is part of how you define yourself. That means you’ll show up in situations with confidence, believing you’ll be able to accomplish whatever is needed. The Prison of Identities Some of our ...Read More

]]>“What a liberation to realize that the ‘voice in my head’ is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.”
~Eckhart Tolle​​​​​​​

We all hold identities about ourselves, and these are the filters through which we view the world.

Say that being capable is part of how you define yourself. That means you’ll show up in situations with confidence, believing you’ll be able to accomplish whatever is needed.

The Prison of Identities

Some of our identities are not so supportive.

If you believe you’re inadequate or unworthy of love, you’ll live as if these ideas are true, and you’ll feel and act like you’re inherently deficient. Here are some other examples:

You think of yourself as independent, so you don’t ask for help or share your needs with others,

You’re supposed to have it all together, so you think you have to hide your vulnerable side,

You think you need to be perfect, so the inner critic constantly bashes you to keep you in line,

You need to prove yourself, so you run yourself ragged creating a positive self-image.

Identities are made up of programmed thought processes and emotions that we wear like a skin that’s way too tight. And living them is exhausting.

We take the vast magnificence of who we are that expands way beyond these made-up identities and squish it to fit inside an imaginary boundary.

It’s like we’ve put ourselves in prison with the key sitting there right next to us.

Out of Prison

Believing these identities is optional because they are not who you are. Whatever you believe about yourself—you don’t have to believe it.

Couldn’t you take a breath and open to the fullness of the moment rather than ruminate about your inadequacy? Couldn’t you turn toward the inner critic, put up your hand, and say a firm, “No thank you?”

These self-beliefs are so familiar that we assume they are true. We can’t see outside of them, and we think we’re doomed to suffer forever.

The invitation always is to bring the light of conscious awareness to your in-the-moment experience. Notice what stories about yourself that you’ve taken to be true.

Then take the shortcut route to happiness. Have a mind that doesn’t believe what it thinks. Turn away from all of these identities, and you’ll find that things—right here and right now—are just fine.

Your Natural Brilliance

Putting on a limited identity separates you from others and the world and mutes your brilliance.

Step out of this skin that you pretend is real, and meet life as it is—generous, benevolent, and totally in love with itself.

How do you define yourself? How does that self-definition affect you? What would happen if you stepped away from this identity?

Leave it in a heap on the floor, as you enter the world innocent, full of wonder, and not knowing anything.

Questions? Comments about leaving the prison of your identity? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

PS: I’ll be in London the week of May 22. If you’re around, please come to the meetup. I’d love to see you!

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2017/05/getting-out-of-prison/feed/135908http://gailbrenner.com/2017/05/getting-out-of-prison/Loving the Unknownhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/w-rPhzKpWz8/
http://gailbrenner.com/2017/04/loving-unknown/#commentsFri, 21 Apr 2017 01:29:18 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5900“It is both the work and the adventure of a lifetime to reclaim the only moment we ever really have, which is always this one.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn The voice of fear fills our minds with thoughts that project into the future and expect the worst. Should I or shouldn’t I? What if I do—or don’t? The imagination runs wild thinking of every negative scenario that could happen. And the effect of these projections? You feel stuck, you limit yourself, or ...Read More

]]>“It is both the work and the adventure of a lifetime to reclaim the only moment we ever really have, which is always this one.”
~Jon Kabat-Zinn

The voice of fear fills our minds with thoughts that project into the future and expect the worst. Should I or shouldn’t I? What if I do—or don’t? The imagination runs wild thinking of every negative scenario that could happen.

And the effect of these projections? You feel stuck, you limit yourself, or you resign yourself to playing it safe.

Your attention is captured in fear-infused thoughts, while you’re missing the beauty of what is real and alive right here and now.

Fear Fears the Unknown

At the core of every fear-filled thought is a desire to know what cannot be known. This desire manifests as an imagined negative, scary outcome.

I won’t find a job.

I’ll always be alone.

I’m afraid I’ll be rejected.

What if I fail?

Each of these common thoughts contains an assumption about what will happen in the future.

And here is the logical truth: you cannot know ahead of time what will happen. You either know that something is true because it has already occurred. Or it hasn’t occurred yet, and you don’t know what the outcome will be.

Fearful thoughts guess or assume the worst with no logical evidence. When you take these assumptions to be true, you end up anxious and paralyzed.

The Truth of Not Knowing

When it comes to fear, the most liberating statement you can make is, “I don’t know.”

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2017/04/loving-unknown/feed/15900http://gailbrenner.com/2017/04/loving-unknown/Trust Yourselfhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/IZ7jbBoXZb8/
http://gailbrenner.com/2017/04/trust-yourself/#commentsFri, 07 Apr 2017 03:26:38 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5885“There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it’s because you’re thinking or focusing on what you don’t have…. But, right now you have everything you need to be in bliss.” ~Anthony de Mello You may not realize it, but your attention is your most valuable resource. Because what you pay attention to creates your reality. Feel into these three possibilities for where your attention might go: You’re walking in nature and focusing on ...Read More

]]>“There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it’s because you’re thinking or focusing on what you don’t have…. But, right now you have everything you need to be in bliss.”
~Anthony de Mello

You may not realize it, but your attention is your most valuable resource. Because what you pay attention to creates your reality.

Feel into these three possibilities for where your attention might go:

You’re walking in nature and focusing on the sounds of the birds and the sun glistening through the trees. You experience a peaceful presence, expanded beyond yourself and your problems.

You’re attached to your thoughts, hanging onto them for dear life by paying attention to them. You experience stress, negativity, worry, and the anxious feeling that things aren’t okay.

You’re caught up in the drama of a situation, feeling agitated and out of sorts. Your attention goes to statements like these:

What should we do??

I can’t believe he did that—again!

She’ll never get it together!

This situation is terrible!

Suffering Is Optional

I listen to people chewing on their problems a lot. And I do it myself from time to time.

What I always notice, without fail, is that we have a choice. I may be sitting with someone who is suffering, but I absolutely know that freedom from this suffering is one split second away—with a shift of attention.

I always hold the possibility for their freedom—and for yours. Even though you may not know it, I know that whatever suffering you’re experiencing is not who you really are.

Just because negative thoughts come through, you don’t have to think them. If you’re caught up in drama, know that your involvement in it is optional.

Trust Yourself

What happens when you open your attention beyond the thoughts and into the present moment? It might be scary at first because you don’t know what you’ll find. And the stillness may feel way outside your comfort zone.

But this is the only way to be sane in your life. Only by coming home to yourself can you love the tender feelings that are here so they don’t drive you. Only by being with yourself can you be objective about what’s going on and gain clarity.

There is infinite support available to you in any moment, but you won’t find it in your thoughts or other people.

Bring your attention back to yourself. Put your hand on your belly, breathe, and feel your feet on the floor. Be still, and open to everything. Experience the vibration of life moving through you.

Listen deeply for the whisper of truth that offers you just what you need to know. This can be trusted.

What About You?

Where does your attention go? How does that affect your reality? I’d love to hear… If you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,Gail

PS: I’ll be traveling to London in May, and one of our readers has been kind enough to schedule a gathering so we can talk about this most important topic—happiness! Please join us—I’d love to meet you! Here’s the link to the meetup group taking place on Friday, May 26.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2017/04/trust-yourself/feed/105885http://gailbrenner.com/2017/04/trust-yourself/The Pain of Holding On—and the Promise of Letting Gohttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/kpytN1dArXc/
http://gailbrenner.com/2017/03/promise-letting-go/#commentsFri, 31 Mar 2017 05:01:48 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5881“As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.” ~Eckhart Tolle I met with someone recently who was in a tremendous amount of emotional pain. Going through a breakup, she felt hurt, disappointed, left, lost, and all the other feelings that you ...Read More

]]>“As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.”
~Eckhart Tolle

I met with someone recently who was in a tremendous amount of emotional pain. Going through a breakup, she felt hurt, disappointed, left, lost, and all the other feelings that you might expect.

And in the middle of all this pain, came the golden insight: “The only way out of this pain is to let go.”

Sounds easy, but how to do that?

Inquiry for Letting Go

This insight prompted an interesting line of inquiry to identify the hook that was causing the pain:

What was she holding on to?

What endings did she not want to face?

What was she hoping for that wasn’t happening?

What expectations were hidden below the surface of her awareness?

The answers to these questions revealed so many ways that her attention was stuck in wanting things to be different than they are. No wonder she was in so much pain.

The letting go of these hooks happened without too much struggle because she really, really wanted the pain to stop. She went through each one, and asked, “Can I let go of this?” Each time, her wise mind pictured holding on then letting go, and said, “Yes.”

In fact, she felt the relief of finally being more aligned with the truth of how things are.

How to Move with Change

As humans, it’s natural to hold on. We want control, we resist change—and we want what we want. We get into a certain groove and expect things to stay that way forever.

Change is scary and pushes us out of our comfort zone.

But here’s the truth that we’re all aware of: things change. And our job is to figure out how we want to move with those changes. We can go forward kicking and screaming, not accepting what’s happened.

Or we can look within to see where we’re holding on, and ask if letting go is possible.

So here are some questions for you to contemplate—but only if you’re suffering.

Are you holding on, attached to how you want things to be?

What could you let go of?

Are you willing to let go and open fully to the life that is being offered to you now?

Don’t rush this process. Take time to let the pain—and all the “I want’s” behind the pain—rise to the surface. Let it all be seen in the light of conscious awareness so nothing festers.

Then go through each one. Contemplate holding on…then letting go, and experience what happens.

Welcoming Letting Go

Letting go isn’t something you do. If it were that simple, we’d all be doing it. But here’s what you can do:

Recognize you’re suffering,

Become aware of the thoughts behind the pain,

Feel what it would be like to hold on,

And welcome in the possibility of letting go.

When you’re ready, when grace shines on you, you’ll leave the limited world of hopes and expectations and awaken into expanded consciousness, clear seeing, and the luminous truth of present moment experience.

What About You?

Are you holding on? Have you created the space for letting go? I’d love to hear in the comments. And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2017/03/promise-letting-go/feed/245881http://gailbrenner.com/2017/03/promise-letting-go/The Exhausting Story of “Me”http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/DCBuVvfS-s0/
http://gailbrenner.com/2017/02/the-exhausting-story-of-me/#commentsFri, 24 Feb 2017 00:12:29 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5869“How long will you think about this painful life? How long will you think about this harmful world? The only thing it can take from you is your body. Don’t say all this rubbish and stop thinking.” ~Rumi An unexamined mind is a self-centered mind. If you’re unconsciously taking the content of your thoughts to be true, then you’re fully engaged in the story of me…me…me. If you’re stuck in the machine of conditioning, without realizing it, you’re constantly thinking ...Read More

]]>“How long will you think about this painful life?
How long will you think about this harmful world?
The only thing it can take from you is your body.
Don’t say all this rubbish and stop thinking.”
~Rumi

An unexamined mind is a self-centered mind. If you’re unconsciously taking the content of your thoughts to be true, then you’re fully engaged in the story of me…me…me.

If you’re stuck in the machine of conditioning, without realizing it, you’re constantly thinking about what you need, what you want, and what you should or shouldn’t be feeling.

Your Personal Agenda

The “I” that you define yourself as is the reference point for everything, and all your thoughts are about your personal agenda.

Am I okay?

Am I getting what I need?

Am I doing the right thing?

Am I safe?

I want more.

I think he shouldn’t have said that.

In my opinion, she should be doing it differently.

It’s her fault, not mine.

Not only is this inner self-talk exhausting, it creates an agitated, unhappy mind.

If you identify with the contents of that mind and it becomes the sole focus of your attention, you will undoubtedly feel agitated and unhappy. Instead of engaging with a mind filled to the brim with personal thoughts of fear and dissatisfaction, consider the radical proposition of being empty.

Empty of the Story of “Me”

What if you were to empty out these personal thoughts? How? Take them in a big heap and put them aside because they’re not serving.

And here you are, pure and pristine. A mind infinitely open like the sky. Breath breathing itself. You might think you need a personal self with all of its preferences and opinions. But here’s the truth: you don’t.

Life goes along just fine whether or not the mind is chattering. And when you’re empty of the personal self, your experience will be so much more peaceful.

But don’t take my word for it. Find out in your own experience. Next time you’re lost in suffering, realize how much your attention is supporting the story of me…me…me. Subtract the “me” and all that goes with it, and you’re one with the seamless flow of life.

An Experiment

Try this experiment: become very familiar with the story of the separate self and how it wends its way into your mind and body. Then empty it out. Pour out the personal needs and strategies that aren’t serving. Throw away the needless opinions, demands, and expectations. Then experience yourself as fully here and available to life’s unfolding.

What About You?

I’d love to hear your reports and insights. And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Love to you…

Gail

PS: This passage is Chapter 33 from my book entitled, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. For more and to purchase the book, please click here.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2017/02/the-exhausting-story-of-me/feed/135869http://gailbrenner.com/2017/02/the-exhausting-story-of-me/A Simple Practice for Being at Peace with Feelingshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/CoW4kn595Xc/
http://gailbrenner.com/2017/02/being-at-peace-with-feelings/#commentsFri, 03 Feb 2017 00:56:03 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5861“Things don’t change. You change your way of looking, that’s all.” ~Carlos Castaneda Much of the turmoil we experience in life comes from battling our feelings. We don’t want to feel what we feel, so we do everything under the sun to avoid them. We overthink, overeat, use substances, stay busy—anything but actually stop and feel what we feel. And when we resist what we’re feeling, we’re avoiding the truth of the moment, living in the fantasy of wishing for ...Read More

Much of the turmoil we experience in life comes from battling our feelings. We don’t want to feel what we feel, so we do everything under the sun to avoid them.

We overthink, overeat, use substances, stay busy—anything but actually stop and feel what we feel.

And when we resist what we’re feeling, we’re avoiding the truth of the moment, living in the fantasy of wishing for a better or more peaceful moment.

The Practice

I can tell you from where I sit, life is so much simpler when we come to peace with our feelings. And I see evidence of this every day in the clients I work with. All it takes is a simple, friendly shift inward toward what we’re experiencing.

In almost every session, at some point I’ll stop the conversation and invite the person I’m speaking with to place one hand on their heart and one on their belly and just be.

It’s a simple reset, a homecoming that turns down the volume on the turbulence of the mind and creates the possibility of opening into presence.

Where before there were problems, now there’s just sensation, movement, and the open space of being aware. In the moment, problems seem to literally melt away.

Ending the War with Feelings

Feelings have power only when we think we need to avoid them. But when we turn our attention toward them and feel what is present, the inner war ends and we’re being honest and authentic with things as they are.

It’s the mind that judges feelings as wrong or scary. When we let go of our interest in these diminishing thoughts and just feel the sensation, there is always an opening into peace.

I woke up last night at around 3am, and my body was filled with vibration. Rather than stressing or resisting, I spent the next hour or two loving these sensations. I had no goal and no agenda to change anything—I was the welcoming presence for whatever was there.

It’s that simple. You let the story line go, and love what’s here. Why? Because it’s here.

Why not try it? Close your eyes, and place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Just be present to whatever appears. You are the presence—loving your experience just as it is.

What About You?

What is your experience being at war—and at peace—with feelings? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2017/02/being-at-peace-with-feelings/feed/15861http://gailbrenner.com/2017/02/being-at-peace-with-feelings/When You Feel You’ve Been Wrongedhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/aPH7NLLdHc0/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/12/feel-wronged/#commentsFri, 23 Dec 2016 09:30:57 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5838“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” ~Rumi I have a confession to make. I’ve felt wronged by someone, and it’s taking me a while to get over it. But time doesn’t heal all wounds, so I wanted to share with you my process around it. Because I imagine I’m not alone. Have you ever been stuck in a grudge against someone? Part of me has been laughing my way through this. ...Read More

]]>“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”
~Rumi

I have a confession to make. I’ve felt wronged by someone, and it’s taking me a while to get over it. But time doesn’t heal all wounds, so I wanted to share with you my process around it. Because I imagine I’m not alone.

Have you ever been stuck in a grudge against someone?

Part of me has been laughing my way through this. After all, my “thing” is to write about freedom and ways to work with our suffering. And here I am—not free and suffering.

I spent a couple of months in a blaming mindset. My mind could definitely justify why I was wronged and how the other person shouldn’t have done what she did. I even made a list of the things I did for her that sounded like the old cliché, “After all I’ve done for you…”

I did do a lot for her that seemed effortless and natural at the time—it’s easy for me to be there for someone else—but now that the tables are turned, I can see how attached I’ve been. I didn’t even know I had expectations until things went out of balance.

Has that ever happened to you?

I finally got the memo that there is something in me that got hooked. And I know that it will become unhooked only by finding a different perspective on my inner experience. So I wanted to share with you what I’m doing in the hopes that it will be useful for you.

The Solution Is Not in the Story

As much as my mind wants to rev up into a story, this only keeps my emotions in place. Even though the story gets going, I’m seeing it happen now, and I’m giving it up—over and over.

Story…take a breath and relax…story…take a breath and relax… And without the story, immediately I become aware of the feelings that are present.

Without the story, I begin to feel unstuck. There’s now some movement that I’m curious about.

Loving Feelings

Looking within, I notice that my body is on fire with anger and hurt. And just realizing that, I can love these feelings. I feel the burning in my chest and behind my eyes and welcome it in.

Something in me softens deeply, as I can tell this is what’s been missing. I’ve been trapped in the story and ignoring the feelings. And my body is loving this space to be.

Breathing deeply…

Honoring Feelings

I’m also realizing that some of these feelings need to be expressed. There is an energy inside that wants sound and words.

I don’t yet know if I’ll express the feelings directly to my friend. But giving voice to them—alone or with another trusted friend—seems to feel right.

But this is tricky to navigate. I let the energy of the emotion be expressed in words, what Robert Masters calls a “conscious rant,” but I don’t use it as a way to again get caught in the story.

Honest Exploration

I’m also invoking a practice that sometimes helps my clients and now myself. It’s simple—you complete sentences. I take my time with this solitary exploration because it feels important. With the other person in mind, say or write:

I’m sorry that___________________________________

I’m sorry for____________________________________

I realize I_______________________________________

I realize you____________________________________

What I can learn is_____________________________

Thank you for__________________________________

Take the time to let all the answers come. This exercise offers the potential to cultivate compassion and let down barriers.

Wise Perspective

I’m not waiting for the other person to hopefully make things right. I’m exploring beyond this personal problem to shed layers of limiting beliefs and dissolve the division that is at the heart of the conflict.

I want peace more than anything, so I have to move past who is right or wrong, as that way of looking at the situation doesn’t serve. I don’t know what will happen next or how things will turn out, but I’m glad I’ve now opened up a fruitful investigation.

I’m definitely leaning toward freedom.

What About You?

What happens when you get caught in the web of feeling wronged? What helps or hinders? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/12/feel-wronged/feed/225838http://gailbrenner.com/2016/12/feel-wronged/Living the Yes! to Lifehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/Tuj7cfbJReo/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/12/living-yes-life/#commentsFri, 02 Dec 2016 04:04:21 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5829This post is a chapter from my book, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. This little book is perfect to pick up for a burst of inspiration whenever you need it. It includes 52 short essays, each with a practice to help the content of the chapter come alive to you in your own experience. The book is available to purchase on Amazon. Maybe it will be the perfect gift for ...Read More

This little book is perfect to pick up for a burst of inspiration whenever you need it. It includes 52 short essays, each with a practice to help the content of the chapter come alive to you in your own experience.

The book is available to purchase on Amazon. Maybe it will be the perfect gift for you or someone you love.

Living the Yes! to Life

I’ve spent a lot of time investigating how to not suffer, and here’s what I’ve discovered. We can’t control what thoughts appear, and we don’t have much to say about the events that happen in our lives.

But we do have control over how we relate to what arises. We can resist, blame others, ignore and avoid. We can put our heads in the sand or get passive and give up. We can hate what’s happening.

Or we can say, “Yes!” Yes, this is what’s happening. This is the reality of right now, and how am I going to move forward from here? How can I relate to this precious moment with ease, grace, and intelligence? Can I meet my emotions about whatever is happening with love and understanding?

I recently corresponded with a friend who was reeling after her partner ended their relationship. She told me how much she had invested in their time together and went on about his fears of intimacy. She was in a great deal of emotional pain, wanting desperately for the situation to be different.

She was being very nice about it, but still she blamed him for not dealing with his fears and allowing the relationship to be all she thought it could be. And she was stuck in heartache, not wanting to accept the facts of the situation.

I suggested that she begin to take in what he said at face value—that he didn’t want the relationship to continue. Yes, it’s painful, but that is what is true.

And once she says, “Yes!” to the truth, her healing truly begins. The blame stops and she can turn toward her own experience, welcome in her feelings of sadness and loss, and reflect on how and why she wasn’t always honest with herself. Yes! is the path to getting unstuck, the path to freedom from suffering, and the way to allow what happens to break through our attachments.

Saying “no” to our experience feeds the anxious, ruminating mind and shuts us down to life. We sleepwalk through on automatic with our heads in a fog, endlessly chewing on ideas about what is wrong with things as they are and how they should be different.

Saying “no” leaves us feeling alone and separate, wondering if this is the best that life can offer.

Instead, consider migrating into the land of Yes. With our hearts wide open, we say a full-bodied, unapologetic, thoroughly honest “Yes!” to things just as they are. We might have to meet challenge and difficulty, but it’s the only way to find relief from suffering.

Then we get to live! We feel the juiciness of the human experience and at the same time know that we are free. No longer resisting the facts, we’re finally open to flowing with the timeless natural unfolding of life.

PRACTICE:

Become an expert in how and when you say “No” to life. What do you resist? How does it feel in your body? What are the effects of resisting?

Now tiptoe into the land of Yes. With all blinders off, say, “Yes!” to the situation as it is. Meet your direct experience with the most loving heart. Use the truth of things as they are right now as your starting point for moving forward.

What About You?

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/12/living-yes-life/feed/45829http://gailbrenner.com/2016/12/living-yes-life/Living in Truth, Not False Beliefshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/yPAk1COHPnY/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/11/not-false-beliefs/#commentsThu, 17 Nov 2016 12:00:51 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5816“As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it.” ~Eckhart Tolle Do you believe things about yourself that just aren’t true? Did someone tell you you’re nasty? Did you grow up believing that you can never be good enough? I know my mother did her best, but she often called me selfish, and it took me a long time to shake that label. We Learn to Believe False Labels Sometimes we’re ...Read More

]]>“As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it.”
~Eckhart Tolle

Do you believe things about yourself that just aren’t true?

Did someone tell you you’re nasty?

Did you grow up believing that you can never be good enough?

I know my mother did her best, but she often called me selfish, and it took me a long time to shake that label.

We Learn to Believe False Labels

Sometimes we’re outwardly given a label that others think describes us. And sometimes we draw conclusions about ourselves from things that happened.

Mark was the functional child in a chaotic family. He took care of his younger brother and cleaned the house the best he could. But he drew a conclusion about these experiences, which is that he could never measure up to what was expected of him. He just couldn’t fix the problems in his family. And he carried this belief about himself, of not being good enough, into adulthood.

It’s amazing how strong the conditioned mind can be—it soaks up what it learns like a sponge. And, especially when we’re young, it often can’t discriminate between what is true and what is false.

So we end up not questioning the messages we receive and take them on as if they accurately describe us.

We Live What We Project

These false messages are distorted, untrue, and don’t serve our peace and well being. It’s like we’re hypnotized, living under their spell. And when we believe these messages, we project them onto the world.

We become magnets for rejection, judgment, and unkindness, which only confirms that the messages are true. Our whole lives feel off because everything stems from these false beliefs.

Here’s what I say: these false ideas about ourselves need to go. Why? Because they’re damaging, they hijack our happiness, and they’re just not true.

Somehow the innocence of who you are and the unlimited potential that is your birthright were lost. At your core, you are effortlessly at ease, unquestionably whole and good, and boundlessly open and loving…but these truths were masked.

Rejecting False Beliefs

How to start reclaiming yourself? Reject these false messages.

First, get clear on what they are. Sit down and make a list of the ways you’ve come to think about yourself that just aren’t true.

Then, every time you notice one of these beliefs, take a breath and throw it away. It might appear a million times a day, but each time, turn away from it. Say it isn’t true, and turn toward the light of peace, ease, and presence.

Nasty? Not me.

Inadequate? Not true about me.

Unlikable? Into the trash.

Your mind will look for evidence to support the distorted, programmed label, but don’t even go into that story. Throw it all away because it doesn’t serve.

Living Truth

Now, here’s the exciting part: see what’s left.

When you throw away these false messages, you’re left with clear space filled with potential. How to be? What to do? How to feel in your body?

Let the intelligence of the moment show you the way. It will feel fresh and new, filled with new possibilities now that you’re out of the tunnel vision of the distorted label.

You’re moving forward free of the messages of the past.

As a person, you are a child of the universe no different from anyone else on earth. And in truth, you are infinite, universal consciousness itself. Don’t worry if you don’t believe it. Stop living by these old messages, and the rest will take care of itself.

What About You?

What false labels have you taken to be true? What beliefs are you going to throw away? Please share them in the comments, and if you’re reading by email, please click here to comment. I’d love to hear…

PS: I’m excited to tell you that I’m participating in a free live online retreat called Healing and Awakening moderated by Grace Bubeck. It takes place on December 12 and 13, and I am the last speaker. There is a lovely group of teachers scheduled, and I’m sure you’ll find it helpful. It’s free, and you can register here.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/11/not-false-beliefs/feed/205816http://gailbrenner.com/2016/11/not-false-beliefs/Stop Resisting Anxietyhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/HUqNpGbGgTM/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/10/stop-resisting-anxiety/#commentsMon, 17 Oct 2016 15:04:31 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5806“The brain can only assume its proper behavior when consciousness is doing what it is designed for: not writhing and whirling to get out of present experience, but being effortlessly aware of it.” ~Alan Watts “I just want to be happy and calm and not feel anxious anymore.” These are the words from a comment on a recent post, and I’m sure this reader isn’t alone. She goes on to say, “Is there any hope for me that one day ...Read More

]]>“The brain can only assume its proper behavior when consciousness is doing what it is designed for: not writhing and whirling to get out of present experience, but being effortlessly aware of it.”
~Alan Watts

“I just want to be happy and calm and not feel anxious anymore.” These are the words from a comment on a recent post, and I’m sure this reader isn’t alone. She goes on to say, “Is there any hope for me that one day the anxiety won’t even bother me at all anymore?”

Anxiety starts to lose its charge once you know how to relate to it in the moment when it arises. And this is very good news.

You don’t need to be concerned with anxiety disappearing forever. Once you bring acceptance and understanding to the experience of anxiety, it stops haunting you.

Remember that what you resist persists. If you go into the story of how you dislike anxiety, you’re resisting it. So do this instead:

Take a few slow, conscious breaths;

Center your attention in the peaceful field of simply being present and aware;

Then open to the physical sensations you’re experiencing. Love them like your children and welcome them like a long lost friend.

The sensations of anxiety may still be there, but you’ve made peace with your present moment experience. This is how to come fully alive to your messy, scary, brilliant life—one moment at a time.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/10/stop-resisting-anxiety/feed/65806http://gailbrenner.com/2016/10/stop-resisting-anxiety/Body, Awareness, and our True Nature with Ellen Emmethttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/of08qLRuLMs/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/09/body-awareness-ellen-emmet/#commentsThu, 29 Sep 2016 12:00:33 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5792“There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life. There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine. O traveler, if you are in search of That Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.” ~Rumi If you’re one of those people who is stuck in your mind a lot, then you’re going to love this. I’m so pleased to introduce you to my friend, Ellen Emmet. Ellen has a beautiful way of creating ...Read More

]]>“There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of That
Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.”
~Rumi

If you’re one of those people who is stuck in your mind a lot, then you’re going to love this.

I’m so pleased to introduce you to my friend, Ellen Emmet. Ellen has a beautiful way of creating the space for the separate self to dissolve through guided body awareness. She is an expert in welcoming people into the direct experience of emotions.

I invited Ellen to join in a conversation with me. We’re both therapists, and we share a passion for meeting each moment with full aliveness.

You can listen to or download the audio or listen on YouTube. I hope you enjoy it.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/09/body-awareness-ellen-emmet/feed/55792http://gailbrenner.com/2016/09/body-awareness-ellen-emmet/An Invitationhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/wD8eLXmyUwI/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/09/invitation/#respondThu, 22 Sep 2016 04:00:12 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5786Dear Friends, This is a note to all of you who receive my posts only by feedburner as a blog feed or email. I’d like to invite you to sign up for the email list so you don’t miss out on any of my offerings. Every Friday, I send out Friday Inspiration newsletters, with inspiring nuggets of wisdom, notice of events, and information about special offers on my books and audio meditations. I don’t always post them on the blog—you’ll ...Read More

This is a note to all of you who receive my posts only by feedburner as a blog feed or email. I’d like to invite you to sign up for the email list so you don’t miss out on any of my offerings.

Every Friday, I send out Friday Inspiration newsletters, with inspiring nuggets of wisdom, notice of events, and information about special offers on my books and audio meditations. I don’t always post them on the blog—you’ll need to be on the email list to receive them. And when you sign up, you’ll receive the introduction and first chapter of my book, The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/09/invitation/feed/05786http://gailbrenner.com/2016/09/invitation/You Are Naturally Compassionate—Audiohttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/wx-irzJakG8/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/09/naturally-compassionate-audio/#commentsFri, 16 Sep 2016 12:00:23 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5774This audio was recorded live at our most recent meeting of Living in Truth. It includes a guided meditation and short talk about how holding everything with compassion and kindness is an aspect of our true nature. I hope you enjoy it! Love, Gail http://traffic.libsyn.com/gailbrenner/meeting_9-13-16.mp3.mp3 To download, click Download. The audio will open in a new window. Then for Mac’s, control-click, then “Save video as…”. For PC’s, right click. And if you prefer, here’s the video on YouTube with ...Read More

]]>This audio was recorded live at our most recent meeting of Living in Truth. It includes a guided meditation and short talk about how holding everything with compassion and kindness is an aspect of our true nature. I hope you enjoy it!

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/09/naturally-compassionate-audio/feed/15774http://gailbrenner.com/2016/09/naturally-compassionate-audio/A Practical Guide to Working with the Pesky Mindhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/dCfz9SOx-C4/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/08/pesky-mind/#commentsFri, 26 Aug 2016 08:35:40 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5761“All the things that truly matter—beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace—arise from beyond the mind.” ~Eckhart Tolle “If only my mind would give me a break.” “I’m constantly bombarded by thoughts.” These are some of the frustrated statements I hear from people every day who are trying to find peace from their thoughts. And most of the time, they hold onto the wish that their thoughts would just stop. Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret—you can’t make ...Read More

These are some of the frustrated statements I hear from people every day who are trying to find peace from their thoughts. And most of the time, they hold onto the wish that their thoughts would just stop.

Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret—you can’t make your thoughts stop. And the more you try to do that, the more you are actually focusing on the fact that you’re thinking.

It’s like trying not to think about a pink elephant. The more you try not to do something, the more you’re resisting the urge to do it. And the net effect for you is certainly not the peace that you’re looking for.

Freedom from the Pesky Mind

But don’t lose hope…because freedom from the power of your thinking is possible. I know because I speak from my own experience. I used to be tied up in knots with worry and anxiety. I spent so much time in my head trying to figure out how to navigate my life that I missed many opportunities.

And now I hardly worry at all, and I’m so much more at ease as I go with the flow. I see life as a precious gift instead of one gigantic threat that robs me of my happiness.

The key to this shift has been how I relate to my mind.

A Friendly Relationship with Your Thoughts

Forming a friendly relationship with your thoughts asks you to develop insights and have tools in your back pocket. You need to deeply understand how thinking works, and you need tools to work with your thoughts and the feelings that drive them.

Changing how you relate to thoughts takes focus and effort on your part, especially in the beginning. So abandon wishful thinking and the vague hope that things will improve.

Buckle down, commit, and make your peace your highest priority. And if you think that’s a selfish goal, think again (pun intended ). Because once you’re less consumed in your mind, you’re more available to listen, engage, and fully live your lovely life.

Insights

We’ll start with four insights about thoughts.

#1: You are not your thoughts.

You existed long before you started thinking. There’s an innocent, original part of you that is truly alive, and this part has nothing to do with your thoughts. If you don’t know this, experiment. Pretend that you’re not your thoughts, and see if you’re still here. Get to know this “you” who is alive prior to your thoughts.

This insight means that your thoughts don’t define you. This might sound like a revolutionary statement, but it’s true. Your thoughts may tell you that you’re unworthy and limited, and they may tell you that you’ll be lost if you don’t worry incessantly. But without these beliefs, you’re still here—and you’re way more at peace.

#2: You can choose how you relate to your thoughts.

Since your thoughts are not who you are, you can choose how much attention you give them. You can live in the stories they tell you, or you can see them as mental chatter that has no meaning.

#3: You don’t have to buy into the content of your thoughts.

Really take a look at the content of your thoughts. If thinking is a problem for you, you will find that your thoughts are quite negative. They tell you to constantly be on guard so you can’t enjoy life. They fill you with doubt and concern. They make you believe you’re a fraction of your true magnificence. And they judge everyone and everything, including yourself, concluding that the reality of things as they are is not good enough.

Bringing in insight #2, you can choose how you relate to these thoughts. Do you want to magnify this content and make it the veil through which you see life? Or do you want to drop the veil and see things as they truly are?

#4: You can function very well in life without paying attention to thinking.

Most thinking is negative and useless. It’s just not needed. Sure you need thoughts to follow directions or plan a trip. But it is not your birthright to be stuck in ruminating thoughts that spin around and make you feel anxious.

When you don’t pay attention to thinking, you’re open to life as it is. You relate to others with your heart open instead of with fear of abandonment or disapproval. And you take things as they come without resisting them. Sound good?

Tools

Insights are often not enough to change your relationship with your thoughts. Thinking has a strong momentum to it because it has been reinforced for decades, so you need tools to apply in the moment when you realize you’ve been lost in thought.

As you commit to working with thoughts, you will get lost in them. Expect that to happen many times, and don’t think you’ve failed when you realize it.

See each realization that you’ve been thinking as an opportunity to do something different. Really, see it as a celebration, a “Yes,” a moment when the veil of thinking drops away and you have choices available to you.

Stop and breathe.

When you become aware that you’ve been thinking, stop and breathe. Take a big expansive inhale and breathe out. You’re home!

Shift attention away from thinking.

Notice that your attention has been glued to thoughts. Shift your attention away from the content of the thoughts. Lose interest in what they’re telling you because they’re probably not helping you be happy and at peace in the moment.

Instead, take a few conscious breaths, look around you and reconnect with your surroundings, feel your body, and notice that you’re present and alive. Your whole energy will shift.

Feel the sensations in your body.

While you’re completely in your head, it feels like you’re cut off from what’s happening in your body. One of the ways to short circuit thinking is to move your attention into your body to feel the sensations that are present in the moment.

If this practice is new to you, you’ll probably notice a lot of tension. When I speak with people who are caught in their minds and ask them how their body feels, across the board they tell me they feel tense and contracted.

These unexplored bodily sensations are the fuel for thinking. They are interpreted as signs of threat and fear. Leave them unnoticed, and the anxious stories will run amok. Breathe with these sensations and let them be, and your experience in the moment will be one of ease and peace.

Expand into presence.

The awareness that is always here in the background of any experience is free of thinking. Being aware is the steady, stable, ever-present space that exists whether thoughts are present or not. You can be aware of things such as thoughts, physical sensations, objects in a room, or other people. And you can be aware of the experience of being aware.

When you expand into presence, which is the experience of being aware, you’ll get a taste of this space that is free of thought. Rest your attention here, and you’ll notice great peace and relaxation.

Be open to fresh and new options.

You don’t need to rely on thinking to live. And if this insight is new to you, you may wonder what to do next. Here are some possibilities:

Trust the truth of the moment and not your thoughts.

Be open to what the moment brings to you.

Instead of being motivated by fear and anxiety, ask, “What would love do?” or “How does life want to move me right now?”

Be in wonder and “don’t know” mind, and see what feels right to you.

Persistence and Dedication

Often people will say to me that they’ve done what I suggest, but it hasn’t worked. This tells me that they are still harboring an expectation that the thoughts will disappear and they’ll never get hooked again.

Expect to get hooked by your thoughts! And take each moment as an opportunity for finding your way to peace. Be persistent and dedicated—because your happiness is at stake.

I eventually got to the point of not believing any of those pesky thoughts. They could come and visit me—and they do—but I’m not bothered by them. Literally, they float across the background of my awareness, and I don’t pay attention to them.

And now there’s space for so much joy, peace, and ease.

What About You?

Are you bothered by thoughts? Have you found freedom from them? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

And if this post resonates with you, please share it with someone who needs to hear these words.

Love always,Gail

PS: This is the last week for the introductory special of Guided Meditation for Wholeness, Clarity, and Freedom. You’ll get three volumes for the price of two, which includes 32 different meditations. Please click here for all the details!

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/08/pesky-mind/feed/325761http://gailbrenner.com/2016/08/pesky-mind/Bringing Peace to the World—One Relationship at a Timehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/NEEaO_dyqEo/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/08/peaceful-relationships-2/#commentsFri, 19 Aug 2016 13:53:21 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5748“To love is to recognize yourself in another.” ~Eckhart Tolle I’m excited for this post today for two reasons. First, this is the first time I’m offering an audio interview with myself as the interviewer. And second, I had the great pleasure of interviewing Phil and Maude from PhilandMaude.com on a topic of interest to everyone—peaceful relationships. Phil and Maude’s mission is to bring peace to the world one relationship at a time. In this interview, you will learn the ...Read More

I’m excited for this post today for two reasons. First, this is the first time I’m offering an audio interview with myself as the interviewer. And second, I had the great pleasure of interviewing Phil and Maude from PhilandMaude.com on a topic of interest to everyone—peaceful relationships.

Phil and Maude’s mission is to bring peace to the world one relationship at a time. In this interview, you will learn the tools you need for making your relationships more peaceful. Phil and Maude are clearly experts, and it’s very inspiring to listen to them!

We gathered together in my home office on a beautiful Saturday afternoon for our delightful conversation. Just press play to hear the interview. Or if you would like to download it, click here: Download. The audio will open in a new window. Then for Mac’s, control-click, then “Save video as…”. For PC’s, right click.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/08/peaceful-relationships-2/feed/55748http://gailbrenner.com/2016/08/peaceful-relationships-2/Turn Toward Joyhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/hJ3usAf8maI/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/08/turn-toward-joy/#commentsTue, 02 Aug 2016 02:40:46 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5739“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” ~Joseph Campbell It seems all too common to me that we forget to turn toward joy. We tend to focus on what’s wrong, how bad we’re feeling, and the things that other people aren’t doing to meet our expectations—and we forget to turn toward joy. For some reason, it’s easy to take joy for granted. It’s always here. If you look for it, you will ...Read More

]]>“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.”
~Joseph Campbell

It seems all too common to me that we forget to turn toward joy. We tend to focus on what’s wrong, how bad we’re feeling, and the things that other people aren’t doing to meet our expectations—and we forget to turn toward joy.

For some reason, it’s easy to take joy for granted. It’s always here. If you look for it, you will always find a distinctive peace or aliveness at the heart of every moment.

But we miss it.

How We Miss Joy

We’re busy worrying about everything under the sun that we can’t control anyway. And we’re stuck in our heads, thinking about our own troubles, and spending way too much energy trying to solve problems that can’t be solved by thinking about them.

I recently had a heartfelt conversation with someone who told me with great heaviness that she had been suffering a good part of her life. She knows sadness…it’s been a constant companion.

We talked about ways to address the painful feelings and how to be compassionate when things become rocky.

Then it dawned on me—what about joy? The difficulties had become a magnet for her attention and had congealed into a disappointing life story. But there must be joy somewhere.

Then I learned about the joy she experiences seeing her children grow up and the charge she feels when her garden is flourishing.

And we looked at even the times of sadness to see if something else was present. Shedding the story of what happened and the history of neglect, we discovered a freshness right here that isn’t touched by any of that.

It’s in the vibrancy of the breath and the deep sense of being at peace that’s here once the mind stops diverting your attention. It’s the knowing that no matter what events are happening, there’s presence and stillness and an unfathomable sense of acceptance.

How to Turn Toward Joy

I have spent thousands of moments studying my experience. And I’ve found that, without exception, it’s always possible to turn toward joy. I don’t necessarily find it in the situations that occur. It’s not in my memories, because if I experience joy from a memory, I’m experiencing it right now. And I definitely don’t find it in my thoughts.

So where to turn to find joy?

First relax your attention away from any thoughts—and I mean all of them—and focus on the breath as it moves in and out. Already you’ll notice a peaceful shift.

Then relax away from the breath and expand into presence.

There’s a sweetness here that you might not have ever noticed before.

You’re not lost in any stories. You’re not concerned with how you look or worried about things you have to do. Although you may feel energy in your body, it doesn’t hold any significance.

Now you’re primed for joy, the joy that bubbles up naturally, the soft smile of just being. The mind-blowing amazement that anything exists that makes you dissolve into gratitude.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/08/turn-toward-joy/feed/185739http://gailbrenner.com/2016/08/turn-toward-joy/From Unworthiness to Freedom: Return to Your Natural Statehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/GO0qZn0i-7Q/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/07/return-natural-state/#commentsFri, 01 Jul 2016 12:00:54 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5614“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” ~Lao Tzu Just about every single person I meet with is consumed in shame and self-doubt. It’s a dis-ease that’s rampant in our society today. We feel worthless and inadequate. The language in our minds that we use to describe ourselves is so harsh and disparaging. And we’ve come to believe that what these thoughts tell us is the truth of who we are. Right now, ...Read More

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”
~Lao Tzu

Just about every single person I meet with is consumed in shame and self-doubt. It’s a dis-ease that’s rampant in our society today. We feel worthless and inadequate. The language in our minds that we use to describe ourselves is so harsh and disparaging.

And we’ve come to believe that what these thoughts tell us is the truth of who we are.

Right now, reflect on the possibility that these thoughts of brokenness and inadequacy don’t accurately describe you. They’re programmed ways of thinking about yourself, but they’re not an accurate reflection of the truth.

You absolutely did not come into the world believing yourself to be inadequate. You came in innocent, whole, and filled with potential. Thinking you’re unworthy and not good enough is an identity you learned through your interactions with others.

Returning to Your Natural State

So the medicine for this identity is to return to your natural state. This is the state of who you were before the identity took hold. And this state, your essential wholeness, has always been here and available to experience.

Distorted beliefs grab our attention and become our reality. But the invitation here is to untangle from these beliefs by withdrawing your attention from them.

Thoughts such as, “I feel worthless; I’ll never amount to anything,” might be very familiar to you. But what happens when you stop feeding them with your attention? What happens when you stop using them to label yourself?

They’re seen as a pattern of words that are random and meaningless. And amazingly you’re free of their impact!

Nothing to Get Rid Of

Every time you notice that you’re caught in thinking that you’re unworthy or lacking, it’s possible to relax your attention away from the story in your head and open to being here right now.

The story may recur many, many times. But don’t see that as a problem. Your job is not to get rid of these thoughts, but to soften your connection with them. And you do that by withdrawing your attention from them. You stop feeding the hopelessness and despair so you’re not reinforcing this way of being.

So here’s how it works. The thought comes, I’m inadequate, I’m worthless, I messed up again, I’m a failure, there’s something wrong with me. Then you stop, and say, “Wait a minute. This pattern of thinking isn’t serving me. I don’t want to believe this about myself. I don’t want this thought pattern ruling my choices any longer. I don’t want to feel so bad.”

With this fire in your belly to stop the suffering, you withdraw your attention from these thoughts. Let them float away like a cloud or burn in the fire of your intention to be free.

You don’t need these painful beliefs about yourself to function in the world. In fact, you might find you’re a whole lot happier without them. Not that they go away, but you don’t use them to define yourself.

The Simple Truth

These thoughts tell you that you’re broken and need to be fixed. But what you realize when you stop buying into them is that right now, you’re here, present, and okay. You don’t need to be fixed or improved.

You’re no longer stuck in the conversation in your head about how you’re inadequate or what you should or shouldn’t have done. Your attention opens to presence, to relaxation, and to the simple fact that without these thoughts, everything is okay. You are okay.

Now there’s space in this present moment. You release into your natural wholeness, into not knowing. Now, you wonder, “How can I be without these thoughts? What will I do? What will I say?”

These are beautiful questions that arise when you step out of limiting thoughts and into a world of new possibilities.

So right now in this moment, notice that without your attention feeding the thoughts of inadequacy and brokenness, you can’t possibly be inadequate or broken. Self-doubt disappears. You no longer need to strive for attention, approval, and validation.

The only true solution to any problem is to realize that your thoughts are not who you are. Then you’re available to the magnificent, never-ending river of life.

What About You?

How do you handle feeling unworthy and inadequate? How have you found freedom from these thoughts? I’d love to hear…

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/07/return-natural-state/feed/105614http://gailbrenner.com/2016/07/return-natural-state/Know How Thinking Workshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/DMWrwKPh5qQ/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/06/know-thinking-works/#commentsThu, 16 Jun 2016 10:00:36 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5606Note: I’m excited to share with you Chapter 11 from my new book, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. It’s the kind of book you’ll want on your bedside table with 52 essays, each with a reflection or practice to bring the teachings alive in your own experience. To purchase the book, please click here. I used to live my life completely caught up in my mind. An underlying sense ...Read More

]]>Note: I’m excited to share with you Chapter 11 from my new book, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. It’s the kind of book you’ll want on your bedside table with 52 essays, each with a reflection or practice to bring the teachings alive in your own experience. To purchase the book, please click here.

I used to live my life completely caught up in my mind. An underlying sense of anxiety fed a constant stream of thinking that left me feeling stressed and out of sorts.

Now I know it’s not a requirement to live in that stress. I’ve studied these thought patterns and have found 99.9% of them to be repetitive, negative, and patently unhelpful. They don’t support, and they don’t bring joy and celebration.

One day many years ago, I was lying by the pool relaxing in the sun, and I decided to experiment. I brought to mind some common, worrisome thoughts and immediately felt physical tension in my body. Then I shifted attention away from those thoughts, and noticed that after a short time, the tension released. I went back and forth between thought and no thought until the lesson became crystal clear. And the lesson was about how much unconscious stress I had been holding onto, probably for decades.

From that moment on, I lost interest in thinking. Many thoughts still come, but if they are critical, agitating, gloomy, or divisive, I dismiss them. Because I don’t want to pretend that I’m separate from this amazing life that’s here right now.

We take thoughts to be real, but they aren’t. What is a thought? It’s a wisp of energy with words attached. And when we believe the meaning of these words, the thought becomes our reality. Mixed with emotions like fear and anger, the thoughts seem to have a life of their own. We believe the self-doubt, judgments, and fears about the future.

But thoughts are temporary. They are the mind’s feeble attempts to protect and control. Recognizing them and letting them be, we’re free of their meaning and the tension they create. And we’re here, fully alive in this beautiful, uncontrollable, mysterious unfolding.

Practice

Get to know the content of your thoughts—not to embellish the stories, but to realize how negative and self-defeating they can be. Feel how these thoughts bring stress to your body.

Check in to see if your thoughts are actually necessary. Don’t pay attention to them and see what happens. You may notice that your life unfolds just fine without that constant, judgmental, complaining commentary. In fact, aren’t you more here and alive without it?

What About You?

To read more, you can purchase At the Core of Every Hearthere. Questions? Comments? I’d love to hear them.

And once you read the book, I would be so grateful if you would leave a review on Amazon so others can know about it.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/06/know-thinking-works/feed/65606http://gailbrenner.com/2016/06/know-thinking-works/New Book: At the Core of Every Hearthttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/-jiXd-rWO6o/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/06/core-every-heart/#commentsWed, 01 Jun 2016 17:01:33 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5598I’m so pleased to let you know that my new book is available for pre-order on Amazon.com. The title is, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. It will be published on June 14, and you can order it now by clicking here or on the book cover. The title comes from this beautiful quote by Indian saint Sri Anandamayi Ma: When by the flood of your tears the inner and ...Read More

]]>I’m so pleased to let you know that my new book is available for pre-order on Amazon.com. The title is, At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free. It will be published on June 14, and you can order it now by clicking here or on the book cover.
The title comes from this beautiful quote by Indian saint Sri Anandamayi Ma:

When by the flood of your tears
the inner and outer have fused into one,
you will find Her whom you sought with such anguish,
nearer than the nearest, the very breath of life,
the very core of every heart.

And that’s where we meet—in the love and aliveness at the core of every heart.

We all benefit from support along the spiritual path, and that’s just what this book offers. It contains 52 short essays, and each has a practice or reflection that invites you to pause, come alive to the moment, and remember the deepest truth of who you are. As the subtitle says, it’s about waking up and living free—right in the midst of the practicalities of our everyday life.

Here are some of the chapter titles:

Tending the Garden of Presence

Stillness Beckons You

Learn from Experience

Clarity Beyond the Inner Critic

Be Empty of the Exhausting Story of “Me”

Feeling Shame and Regret?

Living the Yes! to Life

When Times Are Tough

Free of the Anxious Mind

Each chapter is user-friendly. We start with everyday human problems: holding a grudge, believing the harsh critical voice in our minds, being stuck in feelings from the past. Over and over, we meet our experience with deep acceptance and discover the unifying field of aware presence that holds everything with love. It’s the living, breathing, timeless knowing that all is well beyond our personal attachments to stories and emotions.

At the Core of Every Heart includes stories from my own and others’ life situations that we can all identify with. It skillfully navigates the paradox of this messy, emotional human life and the freedom that’s available in any moment. Right here and now, we open our hearts fully to everything and realize the most profound release into limitless ease, spontaneous joy, and loving celebration. This is what is possible for you.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/06/core-every-heart/feed/25598http://gailbrenner.com/2016/06/core-every-heart/A Practical Guide to Loving Your Emotionshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/wUMjdnWgIyc/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/05/loving-your-emotions/#commentsFri, 06 May 2016 12:00:04 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5563“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.” ~Rabindranath Tagore Does your emotional life seem like a puzzle? We experience emotions and they bring suffering and upset to our lives. But somehow we know that it’s possible for them to move through us like clouds across the sky. We are so much bigger than our emotions, and they can’t begin to define our true nature. Whenever ...Read More

Does your emotional life seem like a puzzle? We experience emotions and they bring suffering and upset to our lives. But somehow we know that it’s possible for them to move through us like clouds across the sky.

We are so much bigger than our emotions, and they can’t begin to define our true nature. Whenever you’re experiencing emotions, there is also something that is untouched by them, something that can hold them in a vast, loving embrace.

Our emotions—all of them—need tender loving care. And who best to care for them? You.

How to do that? Here’s a practical guide.

Emotions are given to us. They’re built into the human body. They’re an integral part of the experience of this lovely human life. And they’re here to be accepted and loved.

Sometimes emotions—the challenging ones like fear, grief, and anger—pass through like a light spring rain, and sometimes the weather is wild and stormy.

Don’t be attached to always wanting peace and happiness. When emotions visit you, don’t avoid them. Because you’ll be missing out on an opportunity for melting barriers inside you.

Openhearted Welcoming

Being with emotions is simple, once you get the hang of it. It’s just about letting the energy run through you.

First you notice the emotion: You’ll say, “I’m angry,” or you’ll become aware of a wave of upset or unhappiness.

Take a breath and pay attention to the sensations as you breathe.

Then turn toward the emotion, and hold it in the wide-open space of being loving and aware. Let the sensations in your body be. Welcome the energy or power or agitation or numbness.

When your attention gets drawn into your mind and you’re grabbed by a lot of thinking, gently bring attention back to your body and breath. Don’t wish for your experience to be any different than it is. Just breathe, open, and let things be.

And when you welcome the emotion fully, you’ll feel it. You might sob or scream as it moves through, and this is okay. It’s being released and liberated.

Be with your emotion like this for as long as it feels right—maybe 30 seconds or a half hour or more. You’ll know. At some point, you’ll be moved to focus on something else or take some kind of action. You’re just flowing to the next thing.

When You’re Flooded by Emotions

When strong emotions arise, they can be overpowering. They take you over so you can’t sleep. They occupy your mind so you can’t focus on anything else. You’re distraught and out of sorts.

If you’re panicky, deeply feeling grief, or in a rage, you might find it too hard to relax and let the emotions be. Maybe they feel out of control and too strong. This is when you take a different approach that honors the emotion but gives you some space from it.

Take several deep breaths, filling your lungs in the front, side, back, top, and bottom…then exhale.

Soothe yourself physically by hugging yourself or stroking your arm or shoulder. As you do this, focus your attention on the sensations.

Put your hand on your heart or belly. Take a few breaths.

Try this grounding practice. Put your attention on the situation you are in and name what you’re perceiving. For example, go into nature and say, “the air on my skin, the birds chirping, trees moving in the wind.”

And another grounding practice. Stand up and feel your feet on the earth. Feel grounded right where you are. Then breathe or name things or put your hand on your belly or heart.

Reflect on what you really want for yourself in the moment, and say “peace, calm, relaxation, steadiness.” Repeat whatever words resonate for you like a prayer.

Once you’re not so overwhelmed, turn toward the emotion directly and let it in like the loved one that it is. It will untangle naturally when it’s met with love and acceptance.

Emotions run through you, but they’re not you. Let them come and go, and here you are—awake and alive in this very moment.

What About You?

What is your experience of emotions? Where do you get caught? I’d love to hear! And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/05/loving-your-emotions/feed/235563http://gailbrenner.com/2016/05/loving-your-emotions/9 Loving Ways to Be Free of Inadequacyhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/nOL_zE7qzo4/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/03/free-of-inadequacy/#commentsThu, 10 Mar 2016 04:04:06 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5432“Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now.” ~Eckhart Tolle For some compelling reason, many human minds are inclined to think negatively. And the target of those negative thoughts is often ourselves. We’re fearful of what might happen if we stretch into the fullness of our life path. We believe we’re broken, damaged, and inadequate. We live in the pain of unworthiness. These thought patterns hang like a dark cloud, distracting us from joy, ...Read More

]]>“Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now.”
~Eckhart Tolle

For some compelling reason, many human minds are inclined to think negatively. And the target of those negative thoughts is often ourselves.

We’re fearful of what might happen if we stretch into the fullness of our life path. We believe we’re broken, damaged, and inadequate. We live in the pain of unworthiness.

These thought patterns hang like a dark cloud, distracting us from joy, well being, and the brilliance of our infinite potential.

The Core of the Problem of Inadequacy

Our modern culture tells us that these thoughts mean we don’t love ourselves, and the fix is to love ourselves more. But how do we actually accomplish that?

We’re encouraged to repeat affirmations, change our thoughts, and remind ourselves of our accomplishments. It’s wonderful if these strategies work, but often they don’t. They might give relief for a while, but they don’t sustain the sense of optimism and trust we all deserve.

Why? Because they don’t get to the core of the problem, which is that we identify with these self-defeating thoughts. We believe that they’re true—when they’re not, and we think that they tell us the facts about who we are—when these thoughts can’t begin to describe our magnificence.

9 Loving Ways

This identity of lack and inadequacy needs to be addressed head-on. Here are nine ways to do just that. Why would we go on believing a false identity when the truth of ourselves, which is so freeing, is right here to be realized and lived?

1. Form a friendly relationship with your thoughts.

Do the thoughts say, “I’m a loser, I’ll fail, I’m unlovable?” See how they limit you. When self-defeating thoughts appear, take a breath and say hello. Once you recognize them, be empowered to make the choice to live fully and not according to the limits they impose on you.

2. Be clear about what you really want.

Remember that what you pay attention to is what grows. Once you become aware that you’ve been in the grip of self-critical thoughts, you’re now able to choose where to put your attention. You can keep feeding the negative content of these thoughts, or try any of these supportive options in the moment.

Breathe deeply and track the movements of the inhale and the exhale.

Be still and meet your inner experiences with love and understanding—instead of believing them.

Ask: How does life want to move me? How am I called to serve peace and happiness?

Go do something that brings you joy and delight.

3. Be super willing to let go.

Letting go of the identity of unworthiness is like saying goodbye to a friendship that you know has reached its end. It might take some time, but be very willing to feel open in your mind and body, make space for new ways of being in the world, and see people and situations through the eyes of caring and not fear and need.

4. Know the truth.

Not one inadequate thought can possibly describe who you are. These beliefs are false descriptions that the mind comes up with, but who is the “you” they’re describing? You, who you really are, are way too glorious to be defined by any thought. You are unlimited, whole, free, and infinitely loving. And something in you has a sneaking suspicion that this is the truth. Know and live this truth. The world is waiting for you.

5. Don’t let your feelings guide you.

If you believe you’re unworthy, you’re bound to feel hurt, disappointed, and sad. As you probably know, these feelings pull you in and drag you down. Instead of following them, establish yourself in the intention to move beyond limitation. Stand up and feel your feet on the ground. Take a couple of breaths into your belly. Feel confident in your body as you take a few steps. Go out there and live the totality of what is true for you.

6. Be harmonious within yourself.

Believing the identity of feeling damaged or inadequate separates you from your own experience. Rejecting the feelings that arise within only strengthens self-hate. End the fight by being so very kind toward your own thoughts and feelings. Just welcome them from a place of friendly neutrality as if they were clouds floating in the sky. No charge, no drama. This is the most loving way to be with yourself.

7. Be here now—and not locked into the past.

Sometimes negative self-identities form because we internalize how people treated us when we were young. If you leave your mind unchecked, it will keep repeating this painful story forever.

Shift your attention away from the mind and step fully into presence, the aliveness of your being that has never been touched by brokenness or insecurity. Breathe in the aliveness, as this is the true medicine for the division and negativity you feel. Over and over, choose presence and not your thoughts—in the name of freedom, happiness, and love.

8. Act as if.

Take one situation or interaction, and approach it as if you felt whole, confident, and enthusiastic. How does it feel in your body? What thoughts would you be thinking? Embody this intelligent way of being in your own direct experience.

9. Rinse and repeat.

Don’t plan on eliminating all thoughts of unworthiness. Instead, commit to meeting them with loving presence. Notice them, acknowledge them, then turn away from them while you stay rooted in the fullness of unlimited potential. Do this every time the thoughts arise, and eventually they will soften.

What About You?

Have you found freedom from inadequacy? Still working on it? Do you live your true magnificence? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/03/free-of-inadequacy/feed/315432http://gailbrenner.com/2016/03/free-of-inadequacy/What Are You Serving?http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/22AQxfADtQ0/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/02/what-are-you-serving/#commentsThu, 04 Feb 2016 21:15:59 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5414“At the deepest level, there is no giver, no gift, and no recipient . . . only the universe rearranging itself.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn How many of us burn ourselves out trying to do good in the world? We think that being of service means serving others no matter what. And we end up losing our boundaries and betraying our truth while strongly believing we need to keep giving. It’s an exhausting conflict that has its roots in false ideas about ...Read More

“At the deepest level, there is no giver, no gift, and no recipient . . . only the universe rearranging itself.”
~Jon Kabat-Zinn

How many of us burn ourselves out trying to do good in the world? We think that being of service means serving others no matter what. And we end up losing our boundaries and betraying our truth while strongly believing we need to keep giving.

It’s an exhausting conflict that has its roots in false ideas about how we define ourselves that ultimately lead to alienation and separation.

We start out with good intentions—to express love through our actions. But soon it gets messy. We feel rejected when our help isn’t received. We end up being taken advantage of. And we don’t believe we’re allowed to say no.

Our personal self is on the line because the results of what we do are attached to our happiness. We’re not giving just for the sake of giving. We’re giving so we can feel good or righteous or self-satisfied.

The problem here is the identity with the personal self, and the solution is to know that is not who we really are.

True Service

True service emerges effortlessly with complete surrender of everything personal. We take our beliefs about ourselves and the world, our stories, our expectations and needs, our attachment to any outcomes and throw all of it into the holy fire of truth. Because these are ideas created in our minds and none of them can begin to define the truth of who we are.

True service is revealed as simply listening. It’s about not knowing anything and being willing to be moved. It has nothing to do with thoughts or ideas. And it doesn’t come from lack, need, or the wish to feel good about ourselves. Actions happen with no regard to the outcome.

The Joy of Surrender

At the beginning of my career as a psychotherapist, I was confused about service. I felt frustrated when clients didn’t improve and considered that maybe my skills were inadequate. I’m so grateful for the help that changed my perspective entirely.

With no personal needs involved, I could show up fully in every moment. Without attachment to outcomes, the joy of doing this work blossomed. All that is being asked is complete surrender, and all that is left is emptiness and love. How that looks is none of my business.

True service is not only about how we relate to others. Every moment of surrender and listening is service. In these temporary human forms, we’re in service to the undivided, to the flow of life, to how love wants to move.

And it takes into account everyone and everything. It’s the energy you bring to driving in a traffic jam, the way you chop the celery, the kindest “no” that speaks what’s true.

Do you want to truly be of service? Then know who you’re not and discover who you are.

What About You?

Are you burned out from giving? Can you open more to love? When you’re honest with yourself, what are you serving? I’d love to hear. And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Upcoming Events

I’m so excited about a free event happening in honor of Valentine’s Day on February 14. I’ll be in conversation with Grace Bubeck from Living-From-Love, called Separation Dissolves in the Heart’s Embrace. You’ll be able to listen live and ask questions—and receive a recording if you can’t make it. Please click here for more information.

Also, I’ll be speaking at the upcoming Compassion, Mindfulness, and Wisdom Conference in San Diego. You can find information about this event here.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/02/what-are-you-serving/feed/265414http://gailbrenner.com/2016/02/what-are-you-serving/Interviews, Private Sessions, and Morehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/JL8nXS034eI/
http://gailbrenner.com/2016/01/interviews-private-sessions/#respondThu, 14 Jan 2016 14:17:16 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5401“Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.” ~Chuang Tzu Today, I’m sharing with you two recent interviews. The first one is from the site called Buddha at the Gas Pump, which includes hundreds of interviews with people interested in spiritual awakening. I enjoyed this conversation with the lovely Rick Archer so much and am happy to share it with you. We discuss many useful topics, including the nature of identities that distract us from peace and how seeing through ...Read More

Today, I’m sharing with you two recent interviews. The first one is from the site called Buddha at the Gas Pump, which includes hundreds of interviews with people interested in spiritual awakening.

I enjoyed this conversation with the lovely Rick Archer so much and am happy to share it with you. We discuss many useful topics, including the nature of identities that distract us from peace and how seeing through to the truth of language is incredibly freeing. You can watch the video and listen to and download the audio podcast.

The second one is a written interview on Psych Central and discusses my work as a therapist. You’ll read some practical advice about happiness and might even learn some little-known facts about my secret wishes!

And if you’re interested in private sessions with me, please visit this page to find out more. I love these one-on-one meetings with people. They are available by skype and can be very useful for unraveling conditioned patterns that you take to be true and discovering that you can live from your true essence that is already whole, peaceful, and at ease.

Please enjoy! And feel free to leave any questions or comments below or by clicking here.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2016/01/interviews-private-sessions/feed/05401http://gailbrenner.com/2016/01/interviews-private-sessions/Flow Like Waterhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/nWLujs4Qpec/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/12/flow-like-water/#commentsThu, 31 Dec 2015 11:01:08 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5364“Wisdom begins in wonder.” ~Socrates I recently spent some time with someone who triggers me, and my motto going in was “flow like water.” Flow like water: it turned stress into enjoyment, annoyance into curiosity. And it neutralized my reactions before they even had a chance to take hold. And, since I was no longer caught up in my inner ruminations, it brought so much more compassion and understanding to our interactions. Think about it. What does it mean to ...Read More

I recently spent some time with someone who triggers me, and my motto going in was “flow like water.” Flow like water: it turned stress into enjoyment, annoyance into curiosity. And it neutralized my reactions before they even had a chance to take hold.

And, since I was no longer caught up in my inner ruminations, it brought so much more compassion and understanding to our interactions.

Think about it. What does it mean to flow like water? Water resists nothing. It goes everywhere, embracing everything. It has no opinions or judgments.

It offers a gentle “yes” to everything it touches. Not a passive “yes” or a doormat “yes.” It’s a yes that comes from a loving, empowered choice to open our hearts to things exactly as they are—for peace, calm, and sanity.

Flow or Resist?

I recently received an email from someone desperately wanting her life circumstances to change. You could hear her plea to the universe in her words. “Please improve my health so that l can be happy.”

And here’s the truth: her health is as it is and my friend is sometimes harsh and unkind. We can wish with all our hearts for things to be different, but here we are, right smack in the middle of the life that has been given to us. Situations, people, our own conditioned reactions—this is the reality of what is here.

It’s Your Choice

We’re certainly not required to flow with things as they are. There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting things to change.

But it’s important to know that you have a choice: how are you going to meet what appears?

And I choose the simplicity, ease, and inner stillness that come with flowing with things as they are.

How to Flow Like Water

Are you interested in experimenting? Want to experience what it’s like to flow like water? Try these:

With Yourself

Put aside your thoughts about things and instead be curious about what’s happening right in front of you.

Don’t assume anything about who you are or how you’ve responded in the past. Be open, fresh, and fluid.

When you find yourself stuck, caught, or just plain unhappy, consider flowing like water. It might just be the welcome shift that sets you free.

What About You?

What happens when you flow like water? What is it like to resist—and to flow? What do these experiments show you? I’d love to hear. And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/12/flow-like-water/feed/255364http://gailbrenner.com/2015/12/flow-like-water/There’s Space for Thathttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/38WfGtvPiy0/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/11/space/#commentsThu, 19 Nov 2015 16:27:01 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5351“The song is ended… but the melody lingers on.” ~Irving Berlin As I write this, I’m grieving the death of my mother who passed away six weeks ago. That familiar sense of steadiness that I always experience as I move through life has been present, but it’s been interspersed with times of sadness and just plain emotional pain. In recent days, I’ve realized that I haven’t given these emotions much attention. I haven’t pushed them away, but I haven’t welcomed ...Read More

As I write this, I’m grieving the death of my mother who passed away six weeks ago. That familiar sense of steadiness that I always experience as I move through life has been present, but it’s been interspersed with times of sadness and just plain emotional pain.

In recent days, I’ve realized that I haven’t given these emotions much attention. I haven’t pushed them away, but I haven’t welcomed them in either. And I know they’ve been sitting there humming in the background, muting my usual zest for life.

I talk a lot with others about embracing all of our experience and not resisting anything. I know in my heart of hearts, and through my own experience, that avoidance sustains suffering and embracing brings peace. So I thought it’s now time to follow my own suggestions.

That means letting down any barriers that have been keeping my emotions at a distance and inviting these emotions fully into the field of conscious awareness.

I led a meeting called Living in Truth the other night where a woman described how she had recently been experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil. But during the guided meditation, things quieted down, and she became aware of the possibility of being with her emotions in a new way.

The phrase that came to her was, “There’s space for that.” Confusion, upset, panic about not knowing what to do? There’s space for that.

It was a phrase that resonated deeply with me, and it perfectly applied to my own experience. The sadness and loss that had been hanging around along the edges of my awareness? There was space for that.

Before I wasn’t ready and even enjoyed the idea of connecting to my mother through grieving. But now there is a shift. There’s space for the emotions and whatever else wants to come.

As I settle into the being aware of meditation, resistance falls away. I can feel how I’ve subtly turned away from these feelings, and now they are welcome in a great expansive space. There’s no dramatic insight or explosion of light. But there’s a sense of ease that comes as the doing of resistance comes to an end, and the feelings themselves become softer and more diffuse.

The sadness is sweet, and rather than being lost in my own story of loss, surprisingly, the connection with my mother is alive and joyful.

No matter how pure our intentions to be free, the events of life can catch us off guard. Without realizing it, we create division—between life as it’s actually unfolding and our stories about it, between awareness and our feelings, between what others are doing and what we want them to do.

But at any moment, when the time is right, it’s always possible to bring space to that. We put down the fight, and rather than letting anything go, we let it all come in, welcoming things just as they are.

What About You?

What can you bring space to in your own experience? What is that like for you? Please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/11/space/feed/375351http://gailbrenner.com/2015/11/space/The Way Through the Mindset that You’re Inadequatehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/0mgzB-niXUg/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/10/way-through-mindset-inadequate/#commentsThu, 01 Oct 2015 15:28:29 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5324“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” ~Lao Tzu “I feel like a loser.” These were the words of a friend of mine, as we were sitting over coffee, and it just didn’t compute. Before me I saw a beautiful being with such a tender heart. And in listening to her story, I again became aware of the impressive power of the mind. Every time she showed excitement or clarity, in a split ...Read More

]]>“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”
~Lao Tzu

“I feel like a loser.” These were the words of a friend of mine, as we were sitting over coffee, and it just didn’t compute. Before me I saw a beautiful being with such a tender heart. And in listening to her story, I again became aware of the impressive power of the mind.

Every time she showed excitement or clarity, in a split second her thoughts derailed her. “I can’t…” “It won’t work…” No wonder she felt like a loser. Her thoughts were constantly telling her these lies that she couldn’t find her way out of.

The Pain of Thinking You’re Inadequate

These are the kinds of painful thoughts that get us into so much trouble. They somehow take up residence in our minds, living there for decades, stealing our happiness, creativity, and well being.

These thoughts are familiar, and, without realizing it, we keep putting them on over and over like your favorite pair of jeans.

We believe what these thoughts tell us, and they unknowingly create our reality.

But these negative, denigrating thoughts have nothing to do with our true identity. Because these thoughts aren’t real. They’re a temporary gust of energy that travels through your mind. They’re sounds with no actual meaning.

But just reading these words may not be enough to find the wholeness that is already your natural state. How many times have you heard, “You’re perfect just as you are” or “You’re not inadequate—it’s only your thoughts?”

These statements are true, but they don’t become our reality until we know them in our bones. We need to own these truths and know that they are absolutely real.

If you want to continue living the painful belief of your personal inadequacy, then read no further. But if you really want to know the truth of you, if you’re sick and tired of feeling the weight of not being able to fully and freely be alive in the world, then bring your attention to your own direct experience. Do the work, because that’s the key.

Learn to inquire into your thoughts. Learn how to turn toward your feelings and embrace them with love and intelligence. And experiment—in the unfolding moments of your beautiful life—with knowing you are whole, boundless, open, and infinitely free.

Inquire into Your Thoughts

The simple act of inquiring into your thoughts is revolutionary. Inquiring cuts through well-worn assumptions and habits of mind. We take the programmed thoughts that run outside of conscious awareness, and we put them under the microscope.

Suddenly, what you took for granted as true is now completely fresh. Instead of being defined by these thoughts, you wonder about other possibilities.

And here’s what we examine:

Are these thoughts actually true? Are you really damaged, inadequate, or destined for mediocrity? Take any thought that has defined you, and question it, asking if it is true.

What is the impact of these thoughts? Say that one of your mantras is, “I could never succeed at that.” How does that thought make you feel? How does it affect your behavior? What does it do to your soul?

Do these thoughts accurately represent who you are? Feel how limiting thoughts contract you into a tiny space with no room to breathe. And begin to consider what’s outside this space. Get a sense of you, your real truth, without these thoughts defining you. Become aware of your essential nature limited by nothing. You’ll find it outside of your thoughts.

Turn Toward Your Feelings

Your identity of inadequacy is not just about your thoughts. You also feel it in your body.

And if you want to see through it into your true magnificence, turn toward your feelings. Is fear rage, or disappointment present? Go beyond the story to welcome the sensations that arise in your body.

Open to all of your experience, including feelings that may be hiding out in the shadows of your awareness.

Welcome the way the feeling lives in your body. See what it’s like right now in your experience without going into your head and into the false story of incapable you.

Then let it all be. Realize the space that allows things to be exactly as they are. Don’t resist, just be.

Experiment Living Who You Already Are

Now that you’ve seen these thoughts of lack and you’ve turned toward the feelings, act from the fullness that is absolutely alive in you.

Stand up in your brilliance. The thoughts may be present, but you don’t have to buy into them. The feelings may come, but you don’t need to let them run the show.

This belief that you’re not worthy is a mask that hides this truth: you are whole. Take off this mask, and begin to step into your truth.

Expand your mind beyond habitual thoughts. Breathe new life into your body. Then see how life wants you to shine.

What About You?

Have you discovered your natural wholeness? Bogged down by feeling inadequate? Please share in the comments. And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/10/way-through-mindset-inadequate/feed/175324http://gailbrenner.com/2015/10/way-through-mindset-inadequate/12 Enlightening Ways to Find Peace in Any Momenthttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/a2F2JHWx6KE/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/09/peace-in-any-moment/#commentsSun, 06 Sep 2015 02:02:10 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5313“Truth is by nature self-evident. As soon as you remove the cobwebs of ignorance that surround it, it shines clear.” ~Gandhi As humans, we suffer when our attention is locked into painful thoughts and feelings. If you stop in any moment when you’re unhappy, you’ll be able to know exactly why you’re suffering. You’ll notice that your attention is caught in thinking negative, agitating thoughts. You might be worrying about the future, ruminating about something that happened in the past, ...Read More

]]>“Truth is by nature self-evident. As soon as you remove the cobwebs of ignorance that surround it, it shines clear.”
~Gandhi

As humans, we suffer when our attention is locked into painful thoughts and feelings. If you stop in any moment when you’re unhappy, you’ll be able to know exactly why you’re suffering.

You’ll notice that your attention is caught in thinking negative, agitating thoughts. You might be worrying about the future, ruminating about something that happened in the past, thinking about what you should have said or done, judging yourself or others in your mind.

You might be holding expectations about how you think things should be that aren’t being met. And you might be aware of emotions and tension in your body, feeling stressed, anxious, frustrated, or sad.

Waking Up to How We Suffer

We’re often unaware of where our attention goes unless we consciously take a look. And when we’re unaware, we mistakenly identify with limiting thoughts and emotions that just aren’t true.

They’re affecting our mood, how we show up in our lives and our relationships, and the decisions we make. Without our realizing it, these habits become our reality.

My experience of becoming aware of where my attention is focused makes it completely obvious why I’m not peaceful and happy in any moment. How could I possibly be happy if my experience is dominated by stress and negativity?

The first time I saw this, it was a huge and exciting revelation. If I knew how I was suffering, I knew that I could find my way to peace in any moment.

Ways to Peace

How to do that? Here are some of the ways I’ve found to be helpful. Try them out. Experiment. And know that it’s possible for you to be peaceful now…and now…and now…

Develop a new way of relating to your experience. Make a U-turn with your attention away from the world. Tone down the drama and become curious about your in-the-moment experience instead.

Become an expert in how you suffer. Notice what thoughts are consuming your attention. Realize how these thoughts affect your mood, how you show up with people, the life decisions you make. Now you’re motivated to find another way of being.

These conditioned thought patterns don’t serve happiness. Shift your attention away from engaging with the content of the thoughts and instead just be aware that they’re present.

Then get to know the experience of “being aware,” which itself is peaceful. Allowing thoughts to flow through you like clouds in the sky, you’re conscious and alive. Amazingly you realize that this “being aware” is not touched by the content of the thoughts. It remains peaceful no matter what thoughts and feelings are present. In the moments when you’re consciously aware, you’re not resisting your experience by believing it’s who you are.

Use your breath and your senses to come alive to the present moment. What do you see, hear, and feel in your body?

When you’re in the throes of a strong feeling, know that ruminating on the story about the feeling will only keep it locked into place. The experience of every feeling includes physical sensations. Instead of feeding thoughts, move your attention into your body. Notice the physical sensations and let them be present as they are without needing to get rid of them. This deep acceptance is a beautifully loving way to be with yourself. You stop resisting your experience, and you’re at peace.

Our lives are way too busy, and our happiness is served when we slow down. Call it meditation or just sitting, but spend a little time every day being quiet.

Reduce the mental and emotional noise around you. When we’re unconscious, we tend to move too fast and make decisions that don’t serve our peace and happiness. Becoming more aware, you might realize you want align your lifestyle to invite peace. This might mean you drink less, let go of people in your life who aren’t serving peace, watch less news and fewer violent movies, or reduce the drama in your life by gossiping less.

Be on the lookout for spontaneous and natural experiences of joy, awe, wonder, tenderness, gratitude, heart-opening, and clarity—and experience them deeply.

Relish in doing things you enjoy. Listen inside to how love, enthusiasm, aliveness, and creativity want to move you, then take action even if it’s scary.

Have patience and compassion with yourself. It takes time to counteract decades of conditioning and unconsciousness. Stay committed to your desire for peace.

Don’t feel frustrated when habits recur—that’s what habits do! Celebrate every sacred moment of waking up to the suffering so you can know peace.

Realize that you don’t have to be defined by unhappy thoughts and feelings. In any moment, let them go. And here you are, steeped in awareness, peaceful, and fully one with the unfolding of life.

What About You?

How do you find peace in any moment? Experiment with these suggestions and let us know in the comments how it goes. I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/09/peace-in-any-moment/feed/245313http://gailbrenner.com/2015/09/peace-in-any-moment/10 Life-Changing Facts About Forgivenesshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/hr2R253Ep2o/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/07/10-life-changing-facts-about-forgiveness/#commentsWed, 22 Jul 2015 22:38:21 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5263“Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.” ~Eckhart Tolle I’m a big fan of forgiveness, but I understand it’s not for everyone. In my personal experience, letting go of a grudge against my parents simplified my life tremendously and paved the way for our relationship to be much more loving. I never got an apology, and we never had “the talk” I thought I needed. I just ...Read More

]]>“Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.”
~Eckhart Tolle

I’m a big fan of forgiveness, but I understand it’s not for everyone. In my personal experience, letting go of a grudge against my parents simplified my life tremendously and paved the way for our relationship to be much more loving.

I never got an apology, and we never had “the talk” I thought I needed. I just knew that I was finished being angry and resentful, and I wanted to feel more peaceful inside.

I can see now that this grudge was a huge energy vampire for many years, and now I don’t even think about what happened. It no longer occupies my mental and emotional real estate, which is why things feel simpler.

If you are struggling with forgiveness and finding it difficult, then this post is for you. It’s a list of 10 life-changing facts about forgiveness. Absorb these 10 facts, contemplate them, and experiment with putting them into action in your own heart and mind.

Be patient, because forgiveness is a process, but stay committed to the peace you long for.

1. Forgiveness is life-changing.

Just like me, maybe you’ve been holding onto a grudge for a long time. If so, you know how it seeps into your thoughts and dominates your emotions. The grudge sits in you like a big, heavy lump of steel that refuses to move.
But start to get serious about forgiveness and make peace your priority, and your life will change. You’ll be more free, more open, and more available to enjoy yourself.

2. Forgiveness is about you, not about anyone else.

Forgiveness is a process that opens your heart and gives you peace of mind. If you are stuck in hate and bitterness, you are the one suffering.

The letting go that constitutes forgiveness untangles the knot in you so you feel happier, lighter, and more present. You’re no longer living in distressing stories and painful emotions.

In a flash of insight, I realized how much the anger I carried was affecting my daily life. That was enough for me to commit to letting it go and being peaceful. That was it—I just wanted to feel better. That it changed my relationships for the better was a happy side effect.

3. Forgiving doesn’t mean you approve of bad behavior.

There’s no doubt about it: people do nasty things, and what happens in life is not always fair.

But what does not forgiving do? It doesn’t get you resolution, and it doesn’t change what happened.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you let that other person off the hook. It means you’re letting yourself off the hook. If people have wronged you, they need to walk their own path about what they did.

Your path is your business. You can’t control what happened or other people’s behavior, but you can control how you meet your own experience.

If you persist in focusing on the terrible things someone did to you, even though the actual behavior stopped long ago, you are still hurting yourself in your mind. If you commit to letting it go and focusing on the joys and gifts present right now, you are well on your way to healing your heart.

4. If you’re having trouble forgiving, you still hold the belief that what happened shouldn’t have happened.

This is resistance, and will paralyze you. If you fight the facts, you’ll never win because it’s too late. What happened already happened.

Instead, take a deep breath, and accept the facts. Realize how painful it’s been for you. Let the sadness, grief, and anger come. And when you’re ready, step away from the pain refreshed and ready to live again.

5. You’re hurting yourself more than anyone else.

You’re holding a grudge when you feel locked into a story of what happened and you feed that story with your attention. Every definition of “grudge” that I found talks about “ill will and resentment.”
When you resist forgiving, you’re solidifying your experience of ill will and resentment.

6. You don’t need an apology.

If you can have a heartfelt conversation with whomever you feel wronged you, then go for it. But often that isn’t in the cards. The person may be unable to hear you, unavailable, or deceased. And you are likely to find that the apology isn’t that satisfying anyway.

Forgiveness is an inner letting go. In the state of not forgiving, you’re plying the hurtful story with your attention so it stays feeling very real for you. When you forgive, you stop thinking about the story, and you welcome your feelings in your own space of awareness.

And this is what you can do in your own quiet moments.

7. Forgiving supports the health of your body.

Are you still questioning the mind-body connection? Then consider this. Research has shown that forgiveness reduces stress, decreases blood pressure, cholesterol, and heart rate, and improves sleep and immune system functioning. It also reduces anxiety, depression, and anger, and promotes a sense of well being.

The flip side is that not forgiving does a number on your body due to chronic anger and stress.

8. You’ll probably need to express your feelings.

When we’re caught up in our anger and resentment, we’re actually avoiding the intensity of our feelings. Let yourself feel whatever you feel—anger, rage, sadness. Express these feelings with a therapist, trusted friend, in a letter you don’t send, or in front of an empty chair.

Then take a breath and breathe with the sensations you feel. Let these sensations rise up and pass on. You’re being present with your experience in a deeply loving way.

9. You may not need what you think you need.

By now, you probably have some very distinct ideas about what you need in order for you to forgive. But consider other possibilities as well. And here are two for you to experiment with.

Try giving yourself what you think you need from someone else. If you think you need love, give yourself love. If you think you need understanding, spend some time in deep compassion and understanding with yourself. If you think you need an apology, imagine getting it and feel the effects in your body, mind, and heart.

Then see if you can give out to others what you think you need. Can you open to others with love, acceptance, and understanding? Is there anyone you feel moved to apologize to? How can you be kinder?

10. It’s empowering to forgive.

Not forgiving keeps you squarely locked into the victim mentality. You feel that something was done to you, and you put the possibility of healing into someone else’s hands.

When you make the decision to embark on the path of forgiveness, you’re reclaiming your power. You’re taking responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings, and helping your own sense of peace to flourish.

A Note About Forgiving Yourself

These 10 facts also apply to forgiving yourself. There’s so much suffering when you’re locked into a story about something you shouldn’t have done, but you don’t need me to tell you that.

The most important thing is that you learn from the experience. Make amends, vow to yourself and others that you’ll be more aware of your choices, then go ahead and consider letting go. It’s okay to let yourself be at peace.

Then consider an idea I love—living amends. When regretful things happen, take care of them. Don’t let them fester; don’t live in shame without apologizing and making it right as soon as possible. Don’t keep yourself in situations where you’re treated poorly.

If you find yourself stuck and ruminating about something that happened, deal with it so it no longer hijacks your peace and happiness.

What About You?

Have you had difficulty forgiving? What have you learned about forgiveness? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/07/10-life-changing-facts-about-forgiveness/feed/135263http://gailbrenner.com/2015/07/10-life-changing-facts-about-forgiveness/Surrender Your Mind to Your Loving Hearthttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/OHb4cH-Ucps/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/07/surrender-your-mind-to-your-loving-heart/#commentsTue, 07 Jul 2015 20:50:07 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5248“Surrender is faith that the power of Love can accomplish anything even when you cannot foresee the outcome.” ~Deepak Chopra I love the act of surrender. When we’re holding on tight to something with so much effort, it means we can thankfully let go. When we feel like we’re carrying the world on our shoulders, we can give it back, drop the weight, and trust that things will be okay. The Ease of Surrender I surrender a lot. When life ...Read More

]]>“Surrender is faith that the power of Love can accomplish anything even when you cannot foresee the outcome.”
~Deepak Chopra

I love the act of surrender. When we’re holding on tight to something with so much effort, it means we can thankfully let go.

When we feel like we’re carrying the world on our shoulders, we can give it back, drop the weight, and trust that things will be okay.

The Ease of Surrender

I surrender a lot. When life presents me with a situation that I just can’t figure out, I stop trying. Instead of endlessly rolling it around in my mind, I wait, listening intently, fully receptive to the answers that might appear.

When there are too many things to do, I stop trying to do them and let myself be guided.

And when things just don’t feel right, I know I’ve taken a turn off my true path. And that’s the perfect time to stop, let go, and surrender.

From where I sit, surrendering makes life so much easier. You don’t need to stay stuck in the fog of confusion. You don’t need to know all the answers. The pressure’s off, so you can truly relax.

“Going with the flow” takes on a whole new meaning.

How Surrender Works

I recently found myself urgently trying to make a decision, and the way forward just wasn’t clear. I tested out a couple of different options, but each time I felt an inner “No.” I had no enthusiasm and felt forced to do something I didn’t really want to do.

There were red flags everywhere that I was looking in the wrong direction. So I decided to surrender.

Instead of choosing with my mind about what I thought should happen, I went to my heart. I asked:

What would I enjoy?

What am I enthusiastic about?

Where does my creativity want to express itself?

What would be fun to do?

And as soon as I started asking these questions, the answers flooded in. To my surprise, I realized I wasn’t confused or stuck. I just hadn’t created the space for these answers to emerge.

Here’s the lesson that came as clear as day. The mind creates struggle, and the heart knows. I can spin around in my mind with its desires, expectations, and judgments, or I can let all of that mental activity merrily float off into the ethers.

I can suffer and contract into an agitated little ball, or I am here, happy, clear, and free, with a smile on my face.

Your Turn to Surrender

Are you interested in surrendering? Here’s what to do.

Get to know that cranky, needy personal voice with its endless desires, requirements, and opinions. Recognize it, then let it go. Don’t give it your attention.

If it feels right, ask questions appropriate to your situation. How is your heart wanting to speak?

Now here’s the juicy part. Simply listen. Find that place of supreme openness beyond the thinking mind where you don’t need to know, and be available to what that openness has to tell you. Let yourself be visited by the grand intelligence that lies behind everything. And trust it no matter what your fears tell you.

Surrender your mind to your loving heart. It’s simple and courageous and the only sane thing to do.

What About You?

What keeps you from surrendering? What happens when you do? What do you surrender? I’d love to hear…and if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,Gail

Note: You are most welcome to attend our next live meeting of Living in Truth. Please click here for the info.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/07/surrender-your-mind-to-your-loving-heart/feed/105248http://gailbrenner.com/2015/07/surrender-your-mind-to-your-loving-heart/The Must-Do Way to Heal from the Pain of Inadequacyhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/ylcQUdvD1vs/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/06/heal-from-the-pain-of-inadequacy/#commentsTue, 16 Jun 2015 02:48:58 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5237“Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.” ~Eckhart Tolle The problem of inadequacy is rampant in our society. Call it low self-esteem, need for approval, or the disease to please—if you believe that you are your conditioned habits, you’ll live with the sense that something’s missing. The messages about lack are everywhere. Just watch ten minutes of commercials on TV. You’ll be told you aren’t young enough or ...Read More

]]>“Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.”
~Eckhart Tolle

The problem of inadequacy is rampant in our society. Call it low self-esteem, need for approval, or the disease to please—if you believe that you are your conditioned habits, you’ll live with the sense that something’s missing.

The messages about lack are everywhere. Just watch ten minutes of commercials on TV. You’ll be told you aren’t young enough or thin enough, or that you don’t have the car or even cleaning product you need to be happy. We live in a culture of non-acceptance, which is supported by what many of us learn from our families of origin.

We’re taught that we’re not good enough, that we need exactly what we don’t have. It’s a legacy of lack.

The Pain Is Personal

Of course, this sense of lack seeps into our personal psyches. It might appear like this:

Living steeped in thoughts about what you should do or be to be acceptable and complete;

Needing others’ approval to feel okay about yourself;

Constant self-criticism;

Feeling that there must be something more to life;

Compulsive behavior that tries to fill your emotional void.

It’s like the bucket is always leaking. You rarely feel full, relaxed, and at ease.

Lack and desire are at the root of unhappiness. And feelings of personal inadequacy keep you searching, struggling to fulfill your needs and desires.

In Buddhism, it’s called the hungry ghost— that gnawing hunger to seek what you think you’re missing but which can never really satisfy.

You Are Already Whole

The invitation I’m offering to you here, right now, is to stop living in the false identity of “not enough,” to stop searching to get what you think you need in order to finally be adequate.

Instead, turn your into into the core of inadequacy to find out if it’s true. (Hint: It’s not.) Realize the possibility that, outside of the sad stories and hopeless feelings, the truth has always been here, waiting to be discovered.

You have always been all that you were looking for.

You are whole and complete, more than enough, full and overflowing—just as you are. You can wake up from the dream of personal lack, which is precisely the healing you’ve been looking for.

The Path to Heal from the Pain of Inadequacy

How to do that? Don’t believe the thoughts that try to convince you that you’re inadequate. Question these thoughts, and they’ll start to lose their power.

You observe them rather than believe them.

You realize you don’t have to take them as true.

When you stop and question your thoughts, you’ve put on the brakes to this painful habit. And that changes everything.

You realize that these thoughts appear, but they are not who you are.

Beautiful You

And who are you? Naturally kind and open-hearted…pristine…unaffected by anything that might have happened to you.

We’ve all heard the saying that you can see the glass as half empty or half full. I say, don’t just see the glass as half full.

Stop trying to fix what’s not actually broken in you and realize that your glass is already completely full and overflowing. Recognize that your fulfillment is already here, available right now, then go out there and enjoy your life.

Are you troubled by inadequacy? Have you found the way to heal from it? I’d love to hear…And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

You may have noticed that there was a problem with posting comments on the site for the past few weeks, but this is now fixed. Feel free to stop by. I’d love to hear about your challenges and insights!

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/06/heal-from-the-pain-of-inadequacy/feed/85237http://gailbrenner.com/2015/06/heal-from-the-pain-of-inadequacy/Peace—It’s a Nanosecond Awayhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/EHtanKBNfV8/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/06/peace-nanosecond/#commentsThu, 04 Jun 2015 21:06:33 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5223There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life. There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine. O traveler, if you are in search of That Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That. ~Rumi If there’s one thing I love, it’s this: that peace is always a nanosecond away. It takes no time at all to take a breath, to step our attention away from the dramas and worries that consume us, ...Read More

]]>There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of That
Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.

~Rumi

If there’s one thing I love, it’s this: that peace is always a nanosecond away.

It takes no time at all to take a breath, to step our attention away from the dramas and worries that consume us, to notice and be rather than engage.

It’s the sacred stopping of the momentum of programmed habits and the relief that comes from expanding into pure alive being. Can you feel it?

In the moment of being aware, obsessive thoughts float by like clouds in the sky. The pressure to change or improve melts away. All the doing to become something better gives way to simply receiving things as they are.

And what’s left? Effortlessly flowing with what is. Feeling the “Thank you” emerge from the stillness. Recognizing the sense that things are okay.

Tasting the palpable aliveness that’s masked when our minds are in charge.

It’s so simple. How to do it?

Stop. Notice that you’re suffering, and stop.

Take a cleansing breath.

Be alert to the aliveness that’s present and let the thoughts go.

Enjoy the moment of peace.

Then go deeper and explore this peace. Discover its vastness. Notice that it’s always here when your attention isn’t caught in thoughts. Realize the sense of union with everything as your mind and heart open endlessly.

These are not special moments reserved for the blessed few. This is what’s available in your everyday reality.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/06/peace-nanosecond/feed/25223http://gailbrenner.com/2015/06/peace-nanosecond/The Pain of Closing Down and the Beauty of Opening to What Ishttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/G9HGWM8mg9A/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/05/the-pain-of-closing-beauty-of-opening/#respondThu, 14 May 2015 09:00:27 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5205Note: FREE on Amazon: The ebook version of my book, The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life, is FREE on Amazon Thursday-Saturday, May 14, 15, & 16. If you haven’t read it yet, or if you know anyone who would benefit, now’s the time to download it by clicking here. Please enjoy! “You must choose between your attachments and happiness.” ~Adyashanti I used to live in a world of ...Read More

]]>Note: FREE on Amazon: The ebook version of my book, The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life, is FREE on Amazon Thursday-Saturday, May 14, 15, & 16. If you haven’t read it yet, or if you know anyone who would benefit, now’s the time to download it by clicking here. Please enjoy!

“You must choose between your attachments and happiness.”
~Adyashanti

I used to live in a world of “if only.” If only the right partner would show up or I wouldn’t get caught in traffic or my family life would improve. It was such an arrogant life—and so frustrating!

If only things would be the way I wanted them to be. It was all about me.

Here was life, effortlessly presenting itself, and I was too busy wanting it to be different to receive its gifts.

Yes, I was able to enjoy myself at times, but I was attached to all kinds of outcomes, large and small, and I suffered for it. Every time I wanted something to happen in a certain way, I set myself up for frustration, stress, and disappointment.

I was really tired of the pain, but I just couldn’t figure out a way through it.

Joyfully Opening to What Is

Fast forward to now, and I can’t help but smile. Because the unfolding of life is so beautiful in whatever form it takes, and the joy of opening to what is, as it is, is unspeakable.

Amazingly, peace was always available. I could have stopped glorifying these personal desires at any time if I knew better. But their power was overwhelming, and I never thought to question them.

Do you react to life with a big “No?” Do you want it your way, not the way it actually is? Is Now not good enough? Then you are suffering. I know because I’ve been there.

Why wait one moment longer to find your way out of this mess?

How to do it? With understanding. Understand how your personal desires bring suffering, and wisdom will erode them. Bring clarity to your life experience so you see that opening to things as they are—not as you want them to be—is the only sane and peaceful way to be.

From Closing to Opening

Every want contains within it a seed of resistance to what is. You think the present moment is missing something or not as good as it could be. “If only things were different,” your mind is saying.

But each want also holds the possibility of being free. Let’s consider two ways we close to what is: hoping for a better future and expecting things to be a certain way.

Hope is about wanting a better moment at some other time in the future.

It’s a story created by the mind, filled with thoughts about how your current situation is lacking.

Hope leaves you waiting, not living.

And your experience right now? Unhappy and dissatisfied.

New possibility:

Expand beyond the confining view of hope for a better future, and new possibilities come to light right in this moment.

Can you give your mind a rest from chewing on these stressful thoughts for a moment and breathe with just being present?

Can you say “Yes” to things as they are, even if your mind tells you it doesn’t like them?

Can you become aware of simply being okay?

An expectation desires a specific outcome, not necessarily the one you get.

It breeds anxiety and frustration as your mind zooms in on the one outcome you want. You miss out on an infinite number of other possibilities, and you end up resisting what actually does happen.

New possibility:

Expand beyond wanting one specific thing. Stay present and open to the possibility of all things.

Can you let go of trying to control life?

Can you open in your heart and body rather than being constricted by your thoughts and ideas?

Can you lovingly receive what occurs?

A Real World Example

Letting go of personal desires and opening fully to what is—here’s how it works for me in the real world.

I’m almost always accepting of how life flows, and it’s so lovely to hardly ever react to situations that arise.

But here’s what happened yesterday. I was scheduled for an hour-long interview on a live radio show. I arranged two days of plans so I could be available during this specific hour, which included asking my husband to delay his plans, which he graciously did.

Then two minutes before on-air time, I got the call that the host was canceling the interview because he was ill.

My first reaction? Not compassion for his illness. Instead, I felt anger, fear, and guilt all rolled into one. Then I worked through it.

I made space for the energies showing up in my body.

I calmly talked it over with my husband.

And I saw so clearly the pain of holding expectations.

Refocusing away from my agitated mind, I found peace and presence once again.

And the lessons?

Don’t expect to not get caught. There’s nothing wrong with having an emotional reaction now and then.

And know that you can find your way to peace. With understanding and clear seeing, let the boundaries of your personal self—with its wants and desires—dissolve.

And here you are…pristine…open to life…deeply at ease.

What About You?

What is your experience of hope and expectations? How do you find your way to peace? I’d love to hear…And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/05/the-pain-of-closing-beauty-of-opening/feed/05205http://gailbrenner.com/2015/05/the-pain-of-closing-beauty-of-opening/10 Uplifting Questions That Can Set You Freehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/ymLVqT8Mdyc/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/04/10-uplifting-questions/#commentsWed, 29 Apr 2015 21:24:42 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5169Note: I’m happy to let you know that I’m going to be interviewed on a radio show today, and you can call in to ask questions. I’d love to hear from you! I’ll be on The Self-Improvement Radio Show with Irene Conlan on Thursday, April 30 at 1:00 PM Pacific time. Please click here for all the details. “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves… Do not now seek the ...Read More

]]>Note: I’m happy to let you know that I’m going to be interviewed on a radio show today, and you can call in to ask questions. I’d love to hear from you! I’ll be on The Self-Improvement Radio Show with Irene Conlan on Thursday, April 30 at 1:00 PM Pacific time. Please click here for all the details.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves… Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
~Rainer Maria Rilke

Speaking of interviews, there was a time when all I wanted was to know the answers. If someone asked me a question, my mind would get right on it, working hard to find just the right response. I wanted to know and get it right.

But now, I’m much more fascinated by questions than answers. I love to swim in not knowing, to float in the space that allows answers to arise. I don’t need to know, and I’m happy to tell my busy mind that it’s okay to be at ease.

Want to try it out? Take a breath, and let any of these questions flow into your consciousness—now and whenever you feel stuck. Your only job is to be receptive, curious, and open.

10 Uplifting Questions

1. What is most alive in me right now?

2. What is life asking of me?

3. What can I surrender right now that isn’t serving?

4. What false beliefs am I taking to be true?

5. Can I say “Yes!” to what’s happening in this moment?

6. What am I avoiding that is asking for my attention?

7. Can I welcome what’s happening in my body right now?

8. Can I stop, breathe, and simply be aware?

9. Who or what am I?

10. Can I open to what is present right now?

I’d love to hear what you discover. If you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

And if you’re enjoying The End of Self-Help, feel free to write a review on Amazon. It helps others to know more about the book. Just scroll down to the end of the reviews and click on “write a customer review.”

Always in love,

Gail

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/04/10-uplifting-questions/feed/105169http://gailbrenner.com/2015/04/10-uplifting-questions/Running and Stayinghttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/EhXFXjaupyY/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/04/running-and-staying/#commentsTue, 14 Apr 2015 17:20:25 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5068Note: I’m so happy to announce that my book, “The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life” will be published this Thursday, April 16. If you’ve been helped at all by anything you’ve read on this blog, you can help others by purchasing a copy on Amazon.com. As people start buying it now, Amazon will promote it to an even wider audience who will hear about its message—that peace is truly ...Read More

When you run from parts of yourself, you set up an inner war. Experiences appear—feelings, sensations in your body—yet you deny them. You turn away and pretend they don’t exist or you react to them with anger and resistance. Meanwhile, you’re preoccupied with your attention drawn into stories that make up your life circumstances, roles you play out, and behavior patterns that create the illusion of your limited identity. It’s a kind of violence. You’re fighting reality, evading the truth of the moment, cutting off a tender and valid experience that’s part of the totality. And you mistakenly believe you’re limited.

Yet, in our everyday world, this seems normal. As avoidance of feelings becomes a habit, our lives feel pressured and off-track. We have to keep moving because we’re afraid to be quiet or alone. Society constantly bombards us with messages that pull us away from ourselves—to buy more, do more, be more. And as soon as we’re unhappy, we think we need pills or the next self-help fad to fix it. We’re told that reality as we actually experience it is not okay. This is what we call life.

Every time you move away from the essence of your true nature, you avoid some aspect of your experience—and end up feeling fragmented. Part of you needs to stay hidden behind closed doors, while another part stands as sentry to make sure the secret feelings stay locked away. Meanwhile, you’re out in the world—or stuck in your head—compulsively keeping yourself occupied so you don’t feel the feelings. Life seems complex, disconnected, and confusing.

Things get even more complicated when these avoidance strategies turn into ways that you define yourself. You take on an identity: unworthy one, self-absorbed one, or one who is overwhelmed or depressed. You fall victim to these ways of being until you feel like you’re imprisoned in a steel trap, and you’re completely distracted from your essential core as aware presence. Yes, you’re breathing, and the days pass. But who are you? Whose life is this? Were you meant to search and hope forever? You must be in there, somewhere.

The Root Cause of Habits

Take any problem you have—anything you do or any tendency you play out that doesn’t serve you. If you unwind it back to its source, you’ll find a feeling that you’ve been avoiding. And it’s this unexamined feeling that makes you think you’re separate. Say that you tend to be a people-pleaser. Shining a light on this tendency, you’ll notice that sometimes you feel obligated to do what others want you to do. You might tell yourself a familiar story about what you have to do or what’s expected of you. But if you look more directly at this feeling of obligation, you’ll become aware of some inner discomfort, a sense of being ill at ease. And if you investigate even more closely, you might find feelings of fear, sadness, lack, or emptiness.

So there you are, out in the world, living through the lens of believing you need to please others. You might even feel resentful or depleted because of it. All your efforts are about trying to come to a place of peace within yourself, reasoning, “If I make them happy, they’ll finally love and accept me.” But with your attention outside yourself, grasping what you think you need, you’re avoiding your innermost feelings. And you don’t realize that the deepest peace is available, right here in any moment, by turning your kind and spacious attention toward understanding the nature of these feelings. Here is where you can discover that you’re already whole, and here’s where the possibility for seeing through this painful way of being resides.

Consider addictions, self-defeating behavior patterns, or interpersonal strife—avoidance of feelings is the culprit whenever you’re suffering. Take a look at any area of your life that isn’t working for you, and you’ll surely find some challenging feelings lurking.

Do you limit your expression in the world? Fear is driving you.

Do you drink or eat too much? Some feeling is eating away at you or drowning you.

Do you complain? You’re likely to be irritated or disappointed.

Are you emotionally triggered by certain people? Do you continually make self- defeating choices? You haven’t yet discovered the feelings hidden outside your conscious awareness.

This is why you feel like a hamster on a wheel. When feelings are suppressed, they don’t disappear. Instead, they run the show from behind the scenes. You’re like a puppet, with unexplored emotions pulling your strings. These feelings push you to engage in behaviors and thought processes that falsely define you—and block the happiness you desire.

Reclaiming Yourself

The journey back to wholeness, beyond the fragments and cut-off places within you, involves shining the light of presence on emotions that have been hiding out in the shadows. You realize pure presence—not to heal or fix anything, or to change your behavior, or become a better person—because the truth of you has never been broken. These are traps that reinforce the false belief about who you are—and miss the possibility of resting in presence, available right now.

Instead, you reclaim these forgotten realms of unexplored feeling because they’re here, real, and valid. They’re an aspect of pure reality that takes shape as feelings, a sacred manifestation of the whole of life to be honored, not shunned.

What About You?

Are unexamined feelings driving you? What happens when you welcome them in? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/04/running-and-staying/feed/205068http://gailbrenner.com/2015/04/running-and-staying/Finding Yourselfhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/Xf4s_3ub0Uk/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/03/finding-yourself/#commentsFri, 27 Mar 2015 16:37:43 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5055“While you’ve been busy with your attention captured by feelings and thinking of yourself as separate and limited, you’ve missed the absolute truth: you have always been all that you ever wanted.” I’m very excited to share with you an excerpt from chapter 1 of my book, The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life. Love, Gail The self-help industry is fundamentally flawed. It perpetuates the myth that we are limited, ...Read More

]]>“While you’ve been busy with your attention captured by feelings and thinking of yourself as separate and limited, you’ve missed the absolute truth: you have always been all that you ever wanted.”

I’m very excited to share with you an excerpt from chapter 1 of my book, The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life.
Love,
Gail

The self-help industry is fundamentally flawed. It perpetuates the myth that we are limited, damaged, inadequate selves who need to be fixed. Sadly, it keeps millions of people just like you hoping for a better future when they will finally be happy and fulfilled.

But what if this inadequate self isn’t who you are? What if it’s possible, at any moment, to be happy and free?

Discovering this possibility is a journey that leads you to the amazing fact that all you seek has always been here. What you discover won’t be new or unfamiliar. You’ve always been who you really are despite your distractions.

You’ve already delighted in the burst of joy that comes out of nowhere, if only for an instant;

You’ve felt the all-consuming feeling of love;

You know the wondrous sense of the unity of all;

You’ve experienced the spark of unexpected creative expression, and

You’ve dissolved into a bout of uncontrollable laughter.

You know in your heart of hearts that you’re bigger than your imagined limits.

Happiness isn’t nearly as elusive as we might think—if we know where to look for it. There’s a current alive in each of us that flows toward contentment, toward resting effortlessly in peace and ease. This current is so strong that every action we take is an attempt to find happiness.

When you seek approval, you’re trying to feel whole and relaxed. If you strive for money or material goods, you’re searching for the moment of ease when you finally fulfill your desire. If you overdo anything, you’re really looking for happiness, peace, and relief from inner turmoil.

You might think you want a relationship or the perfect job or even your mother’s love. But, your real desire is the inner longing to be free of conflict, satisfied and complete, with no sense of something missing.

This is the ease of being you’ve been searching for your whole life. And you absolutely can know it in your own direct experience.

But you won’t discover it in the objects, people, and situations in the world. You won’t even discover it in your own thoughts. These are changeable, unreliable forms you can’t trust to make or keep you happy. If this is where you’re looking, then you probably already know your search will fail.

The good news—the most amazing news—is that the peace you long for is available, here and now, in this very moment…and endlessly. You come to know it when you learn how to stop relying on ideas about how you wish things were—and say “Yes!” to the reality of how things actually are.

The path to realizing the unlimited potential for happiness in every moment is radical. It involves a shift in consciousness that invites you to question everything you take to be true—all the stories, beliefs, hopes, expectations, and feelings that make up who you think you are—and discover that they’re the very source of your dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and personal suffering.

Take an honest look at the thoughts and feelings that consume your attention. Are you:

Waiting for others to do something so you can be happy?

Obsessing over all the things you don’t like about yourself?

Recycling thoughts about what should or shouldn’t happen in your life?

Living in fear, shame, worry, or depression?

No wonder you’re not happy. These everyday problems set you up for frustration and disappointment. They make you think the present is unfulfilling, and they delude you into believing that the ease you seek will be available at some future time.

This “if only” thinking keeps you chasing happiness rather than living it. And while you’re distracted by these thoughts and feelings, the deepest peace and happiness—available right now—go unnoticed.

Let me be clear: we’re not just talking about that smile-on-your-face feeling we call happiness. It’s not even the satisfaction you feel when things are going well—these are expressions of it. When you deeply accept everything as it is, the inner war with your own experience ends, and you’re not only peaceful, but joyful and content, as well.

This is your natural state: what you knew before any conditioned habits or emotional pain concealed it. It’s the pure aliveness that remains—when the pressure to do, fix, try, and accomplish falls away. Fear subsides, and you feel intimately connected with everything.

This is the happiness that is always available, always ready to be discovered. Even though you may not consciously experience it, you and I both know that it’s here. Even if it’s hidden, this loving presence is alive in your true heart.

Are you caught in “if only” thinking? Do you know your natural state? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/03/finding-yourself/feed/185055http://gailbrenner.com/2015/03/finding-yourself/Fully Available to Lifehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/z9assXCaGD4/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/03/fully-available-to-life/#commentsMon, 16 Mar 2015 15:27:05 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5046There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life. There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine. O traveler, if you are in search of That Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That. ~Rumi What is the point of living if we aren’t enjoying ourselves? This is the question that came to me as I was thinking about my full to-do list and worrying about an upcoming presentation. And it stopped me in ...Read More

]]>There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of That
Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.
~Rumi

What is the point of living if we aren’t enjoying ourselves? This is the question that came to me as I was thinking about my full to-do list and worrying about an upcoming presentation. And it stopped me in my tracks.

When I took a look at all the things that seemed so important to accomplish, clear seeing showed me that everything was just fine. Nothing was late, and all was well.

It’s a pattern that can grip me—the need to do and keep up with tasks—and it was beautiful when the light of awareness pierced through these false and stressful thoughts. Immediately, I was home—to peace, relaxation, and pure enjoyment.

Here, I’m empty of conditioning and fully available to life!

Radio Interview

Where can you let go to return to ease, simply being here as pure presence?

This is one of the questions we discussed in an interview I did recently on ConsciousTalk Radio. The interviewers, Brenda Michaels and Rob Spears, were so much fun, making for lively conversation. Here’s the link to the interview that starts at about 4 minutes in. I hope you enjoy it.

If you’re thinking of getting it, this may be the right time. You’ll be helping the book get noticed by Amazon, which will spread its message about happiness and freedom to as many people as possible.

It’s called The End of Self-Help because we’re not broken, damaged selves who need help. We’re already whole, full, and overflowing, and the book explains how to realize this. You’ll be able to read all about it on April 16.

What About You?

So for now, my question to you is: what stories can you let go of that trick you into believing you’re damaged or inadequate? What do you discover when you get out of your own way? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

Always in love,

Gail

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/03/fully-available-to-life/feed/55046http://gailbrenner.com/2015/03/fully-available-to-life/This Is Your Momenthttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/Yl50N5818bM/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/02/this-is-your-moment/#commentsMon, 16 Feb 2015 12:00:39 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=5005“The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest.” ~William Blake The desire for freedom from our personal suffering appears by grace. Who knows how we end up on the spiritual path? We get tired of things being so-so, or worse. We know there must be another way. And we get intensely interested in the possibility of moving beyond our habits to know the deepest peace and to live it. I am so moved by each of you reading this and your ...Read More

The desire for freedom from our personal suffering appears by grace. Who knows how we end up on the spiritual path?

We get tired of things being so-so, or worse. We know there must be another way. And we get intensely interested in the possibility of moving beyond our habits to know the deepest peace and to live it.

I am so moved by each of you reading this and your clear intention to be free. So maybe you have the same question that frequently enters my inbox and gets posted on my facebook page. It goes something like this:

But I’m still attached…

I do what you suggest, but it’s not working…

The memories keep coming, and I’m still sad…

How do I let go?

I’m still suffering. How can I be free?

And here’s my answer: the solution lies in the moment. It’s only in this moment when you’re suffering, and only in this moment when you can find your way to peace.

Your Only Goal Is Peace Now

If think you’re going to get rid of any of your experiences, if you think your challenges will go away forever, think again. No matter how deeply you know that your essence is love and that you are one with everything, in the course of ordinary life, emotional reactions, stories, and distorted ways of seeing the world will arise. It happens to me all the time.

These experiences are conditioned, and you can’t control the fact that they appear. But, in any moment, you can control what you do with them.

Welcome the fact that stories are present—but don’t feed their content with your attention.

Receive every feeling—and feel how it’s expressed in your body rather than getting caught in the drama.

Feel the urges that pull you to engage in self-defeating behaviors—but don’t act on them.

This is what’s so amazing. You can be at peace with your experience by welcoming it, but it doesn’t have to control you.

Every Time Is a Golden Opportunity—Your Moment

An opportunity is defined as a “lucky chance” or a “favorable circumstance.” Instead of being frustrated when you find yourself caught again in the grip of conditioned reactions, or thinking you’ve done it wrong or failed, take that moment as an opportunity.

It’s a lucky chance you’ve been given to find your way to peace, a favorable circumstance that invites you to return home to the truth of you that is always fresh, whole, and at ease.

It doesn’t matter how many times you get stuck—each one is an opportunity to clear the veils and illuminate your true essence.

Next time and every time you find yourself entangled by problems, say, “Thank you” for the gift you’ve been offered. Then don’t touch the problem with your attention. Lose interest in it—it’s not serving you anyway, is it? Immediately, you’ll find yourself: innocent, undisturbed, and so incredibly alive. Every time.

What About You?

Are problems bothering you? Can you take the opportunity in the moment to untangle the feelings and stories? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to comment.

Always in love,

Gail

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/02/this-is-your-moment/feed/185005http://gailbrenner.com/2015/02/this-is-your-moment/The End of Self-Help—Book Now Available!http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/uAPHnCGXkBk/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/01/end-of-self-help/#commentsThu, 29 Jan 2015 01:00:23 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=4978Book now available for purchase. Please click here. “Brimming with crystalline clarity and the love of truth, Gail Brenner’s The End of Self-Help invites us to see through the illusion of the separate self and discover our inherent freedom, wholeness, and well being in the midst of our ordinary lives. This beautifully written book sparkles with vibrant insight and is a welcome antidote to the endless and errant self-improvement project!” ~John J. Prendergast, Ph.D., author of In Touch: How to ...Read More

“Brimming with crystalline clarity and the love of truth, Gail Brenner’s The End of Self-Help invites us to see through the illusion of the separate self and discover our inherent freedom, wholeness, and well being in the midst of our ordinary lives. This beautifully written book sparkles with vibrant insight and is a welcome antidote to the endless and errant self-improvement project!”

~John J. Prendergast, Ph.D., author of In Touch: How to Tune in to the Inner Guidance of Your Body and Trust Yourself and senior editor of The Sacred Mirror and Listening from the Heart of Silence.

I couldn’t be more thrilled to be announcing the publication of my first book entitled The End of Self-Help: Discovering Peace and Happiness Right at the Heart of Your Messy, Scary, Brilliant Life.

Writing this book has been a labor of love. I’ve completed a project that’s been in my heart to birth into the world for over 20 years. It’s taken commitment, the willingness to move through unexpected fear, and patience with myself and the process.

And at every step, you, the ones who will be reading it, have been in my vision. It’s an offering that flows straight from my heart right into yours. And I can’t wait for you to read it.

The End of Self-Help

“Until you know yourself to be essentially whole, and not the wounded and broken one who needs to be fixed, the true solution to your personal suffering will remain out of reach.”
~from The End of Self-Help

There are now hundreds of articles in the archives of this blog, but the book offers something fresh. It’s not a compilation of blog posts that you’ve already read. I’m excited to share it with you because it offers the way through your personal struggles to discover that it’s always possible to be peaceful and free. This is what I’ve found to be absolutely true.

The title, The End of Self-Help, refers to the fact that we are not damaged, inadequate, limited selves who need help. We certainly can think we are, if we take our thoughts and feelings to be true.

But here’s what’s possible. When we open to the truth of any given moment, we discover that we don’t have to believe false ideas about ourselves and the world. We don’t have to get caught up in habits and emotions that don’t serve.

We can rest our attention here, in presence. We can know ourselves as the space of pure being that is luminous, endless, and alive. We can soften into the heart and find the essence of life everywhere, knowing nothing is separate from anything else.

This is the possibility for all of us—to, as the subtitle says, “discover peace and happiness right at the heart of your messy, scary, brilliant life.”

Nothing about you needs to change for you to be happy—it takes only a simple shift of attention.

Chapter Descriptions

Here is what the book covers. At the end of each chapter is a section called, “Explorations” offering experiments and contemplations to make the content come alive in your own experience. And each chapter includes an audio meditation, which you can find here.

Introduction

The introduction describes the problem with the concept of self-help and offers the alternative: that we don’t need to look outside ourselves or wait one more second for happiness. We aren’t broken, and we’re not missing what we need to be happy. I also offer my story of how I’ve come to this realization.

Chapter 1: Finding Yourself

This chapter begins to go deeper to describe how our attention gets glued to thoughts and feelings that make us suffer. And it guides you to realize, in your own experience, the relief from freeing attention so it can rest in the simplicity of pure presence. The chapter concludes by inviting you to question your identity. Maybe you aren’t defined by your limiting thoughts and painful feelings. It lays out the path, developed in the rest of the book, for discovering your essential wholeness and boundless true nature.

Chapter 2: Clear Seeing About Unhappiness

Together, we explore exactly why and how we suffer, including stories from the past, our current right now experience, and our belief that who we are is separate and limited. You’re continually guided to realize the effortlessness of just being, available in any moment.

Chapter 3: Showing Up Ripe and Ready

This path is radical in that it invites you to question everything you take to be true about yourself, others, and the world. This chapter highlights 6 essential qualities to find within yourself and bring to this investigation.

Chapter 4: Running and Staying

You’re guided to become familiar with all the ways you avoid and resist what you’re actually experiencing—and to be truthful about the painful effects on your life. We go deeply into the topic of emotions so you can learn to relate to them with intelligence. You’ll learn the beauty, and surprising relief, of simply opening fully to what is.

Chapter 5: The Puzzle of Thinking

Believing the content of our thoughts takes us away from what’s true, yet thinking is a powerful force that magnetizes our attention. This chapter offers many suggestions for relaxing attention away from troublesome thoughts.

Chapter 6: Kidnapped by Fear

Fear deserves its own chapter because it lies at the root of the belief that we’re the separate and limited entity our thoughts tell us we are. We learn about the subtle faces and voices of fear and how to be with the experience of fear so it’s no longer in control.

Chapter 7: Hijacked by Lack and Desire

At the foundation of the separate self who we think needs help is the belief that we’re broken and lacking. This chapter guides you to see through these false beliefs to realize that the truth of you has always been pure and innocent, untouched by anything that’s ever happened, and overflowing with infinite potential.

Chapter 8: Awake in Relationship

No longer needing to protect or defend the separate self, we’re free to show up freshly in our relationships. We discover ways to be with emotional reactions, the wisdom of seeing through attachments, and the truth about loss.

Chapter 9: Natural Curiosity

This chapter addresses important questions about change, acceptance, thinking, emotions, and spiritual awakening.

Chapter 10: Finally Home

What is embodied and awakened living? How do we live when we’re no longer driven by thoughts? In this chapter, you’ll find out about goals, stress, life purpose, and the simple joys of ordinary life.

Living It in Your Own Experience

My intention for this book is to break things down so clearly that you can’t help but realize the insanity of identifying yourself by your thoughts about the past, worries about the future, or the disease rampant in our society—feelings of inadequacy.

You’ll understand fully why and how you suffer—and discover another way.

You’ll be so knowledgeable about fear that it stops having power in your life.

Your thoughts about not being good enough just won’t make sense anymore.

And you’ll realize that you’ve always been who you really are despite your distractions—pure consciousness, spacious, open, and transparent.

Then you’ll practice bringing this new understanding to your relationships, life choices, emotions, thought processes, and quest for a life purpose. Maybe, like me, you’ll revel in the ordinary unfolding of everyday life that overflows with palpable presence and love.

This journey is radical because it invites you to question everything you take for granted—every belief, viewpoint, identity, assumption, and expectation. So I’ve offered some guidance.

There are explorations at the end of every chapter where you are encouraged to apply what you’re reading about to your own direct experience. And there are new guided audio meditations available for each of the 10 chapters.

There’s a wondrous discovery awaiting you. It’s the end of self-help, of waiting to improve at some future time, and the living, breathing possibility of peace now…and now…and now…

Always in love,

Gail

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/01/end-of-self-help/feed/284978http://gailbrenner.com/2015/01/end-of-self-help/A Practical Guide to a Spiritually Connected Lifehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/sbBvQ_1YxZQ/
http://gailbrenner.com/2015/01/practical-guide-spiritually-connected-life/#commentsThu, 15 Jan 2015 00:11:39 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=4926“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~Albert Einstein There is always a way out of your personal suffering. Always. In any moment, you can stop, investigate your experience to see what’s false and what’s true, and live the truth that you are. This is what’s always available to you. We’re experts at living the lies that we tell ourselves―that we’re ...Read More

]]>“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
~Albert Einstein

There is always a way out of your personal suffering. Always. In any moment, you can stop, investigate your experience to see what’s false and what’s true, and live the truth that you are. This is what’s always available to you.

We’re experts at living the lies that we tell ourselves―that we’re limited and inadequate, that we need a relationship to be happy, that our judgments of ourselves and others are true.

But what about living the truth? Do you need to wait for divine intervention to live fully? Are happiness and joy not in the cards for you?

Your true nature, who you really are, is infinitely loving, overflowing with possibility, impossible to contain. You are the brilliance that lights up everything.

Do you melt when you hold a baby? It’s not the baby; it’s the transparency of love that’s so incredibly sweet.

Are you in awe of a beautiful sunset (like the ones we’ve been having in Santa Barbara lately)? It’s not the sunset; the beauty that is naturally you is right here to be seen in the outside world, with no separation.

I was in Starbuck’s this morning with tears in my eyes at the kindness all around me. It was the one heart seen everywhere.

For most of us, this awareness of the truth of things is hidden. We get distracted by our worries and dramas. We’re stuck chewing on thoughts in our minds, while we’re missing the full-on, juicy humanity and presence of the moment.

So here are some reminders. Living the truth of the way things really are, the way of happiness and peace, is not “spiritual.” It’s practical, tangible, and available to you right now. Align yourself with the essence of life with these heartfelt practices for a spiritually connected life.

Have no personal agenda

If you have an axe to grind, if you’re waiting for your needs to be fulfilled by others, you’re standing squarely in your personal self, and you’re suffering. Rather than pushing your agenda, switch your perspective entirely.

Be humble. Stop the fight with what’s happening and be a welcoming host for whatever appears.

Receive things as they are, as though they were gifts being offered to you, because they are.

For me, my mantra is, “Oh, this.” I’m no longer concerned about what should be happening or how I should be feeling. The reality of the moment is perfection. Who am I to argue with it?

See everything as yourself

In truth, there is only universal consciousness, which means that nothing is separate from anything else. See a tree? The essence of it is the same as the essence of you. Encounter another person? At the source, there aren’t two people, just life unfolding.

If this isn’t known to you in your direct experience, no worries. Just try out some experiments to see what it’s like:

Imagine being with a familiar person, deleting any history, then seeing them freshly as yourself.

Now take this new perspective into an interaction with them. What do you say or do?

How would you walk in the world if everything is you?

If you’re like me, the heart starts overflowing with tenderness and compassion. How can you hurt others when they’re you? This doesn’t mean you don’t intelligently say, “No!” when that’s called for. It makes you even more aware of how suffering moves people and brings clarity about what to do.

Let the one heart be illuminated, and live there.

Befriend the unknown

You can’t know anything beyond what is happening in this present moment. Worried about the future? You’re wasting your time.

We so easily project negative outcomes onto the future―when in truth we know nothing about what’s going to happen. How will that date go? What will that event be like? Really, you have no idea.

When you know that you don’t know, you’re totally receptive to what is. You live in wonder because anything can happen. You’re no longer limited by beliefs you hold about yourself, others, and the world.

Don’t be driven by fear

Fear divides, separates, and gets your mind spinning. Fear can be present in your experience, but you don’t need to listen to its advice. In fact, if you do, you’re out of alignment with the truth of universal consciousness.

There is a natural intelligence to life that guides you perfectly. To access it, you can ask, “What would love do?” or, “What would wisdom do?”

You already know what fear would do. It limits your expression in life and keeps you falsely entangled in confusion. Try out another way―to be aligned with fullness of life that is clear, open, boundless, and wise.

*******************

When you meet life with deep openness and receptivity, it will feel odd at first. After all, you’re stepping outside your self-imposed prison of false beliefs, and you don’t know what it’s like out here in the land of freedom. Let the cells of your body rearrange, be fully in not knowing and openness to what is.

Sure you can suffer, if that’s your choice. But if you’d like to know another way, consciously align your experience with what’s true. You’ll make the amazing discover that the end of suffering is so close, less than a nanosecond away.

Try out these experiments in your own experience. What is it like for you? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading this by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2015/01/practical-guide-spiritually-connected-life/feed/254926http://gailbrenner.com/2015/01/practical-guide-spiritually-connected-life/How to Discover the Sacred Moments in Everyday Lifehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/voJobiA6Wvc/
http://gailbrenner.com/2014/12/discover-sacred-moments-everyday-life/#commentsWed, 31 Dec 2014 16:29:23 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=4916“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” ~Meister Eckhart Happy New Year to you! May this be a lovely time of celebration and renewal. My wish for you is to open to the boundless peace and happiness that is absolutely possible for you, right now. I’m so grateful for you and for your interest in the deepest truth. I’ve created a Youtube channel that you can find by clicking here ...Read More

]]>“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.”
~Meister Eckhart

Happy New Year to you! May this be a lovely time of celebration and renewal. My wish for you is to open to the boundless peace and happiness that is absolutely possible for you, right now. I’m so grateful for you and for your interest in the deepest truth.

I’ve created a Youtube channel that you can find by clicking here and will be posting videos now and then. Please let me know if you have any topics or questions you’d like me to address.

We all get contracted in our fears and conditioning and lose sight of the potential for joy, ease, and the knowing that everything is okay. This video invites you to move beyond your suffering and discover the sacred moments in everyday life. Please enjoy.

If you’re having trouble viewing the video, or if you’d like to comment, please click here to go to GailBrenner.com.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2014/12/discover-sacred-moments-everyday-life/feed/24916http://gailbrenner.com/2014/12/discover-sacred-moments-everyday-life/Do This to Bring Harmony to Your Relationshipshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/KUr-7RoO_fg/
http://gailbrenner.com/2014/12/harmony-to-your-relationships/#commentsWed, 10 Dec 2014 23:00:37 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=4872Note: My website at GailBrenner.com is completely redesigned. It’s fresh, new, and packed with information just for you. Please click on over and take a look. “Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.” ~Rabindranath Tagore I can see now that I missed a crucial insight when it came to relationships. Thinking I was doing it right, I thought I had to communicate every feeling and concern, ...Read More

I can see now that I missed a crucial insight when it came to relationships. Thinking I was doing it right, I thought I had to communicate every feeling and concern, continually have “the talk” about what’s going on, and endlessly process what happened when an interaction became difficult.

I was trying to be a good communicator and keep everything out in the open.

Now, an honest, open relationship is a beautiful thing, and I wouldn’t accept anything less. But it doesn’t all hinge on good communication. Because here’s what I’ve learned.

When we don’t own our emotional reactions, we bring tension, conflict, and separation to our relationships.

Own Your Emotions

Instead of taking a breath and meeting our own experience when we feel frustrated or hurt, we blame, criticize, fight, manipulate, and spend our precious time rationalizing our opinions to ourselves and everyone around us.

We’ve moved away from the solo activity of being present with our experience. The effects? We’re driven to engage when we’re emotionally charged, not calm. (Not a good plan.) And our minds spin in judgment and confusion, trying to make sense of it all.

Is this what you really want? Do you want to foster friction and divisiveness—or do you want to meet the people in your life with an open, loving heart and mind?

Turning Toward Your Inner Experience

The beginning of a bold and courageous way of being is to turn your attention away from the other person and directly into yourself. You stop seeing others through the veil of your own pain.

What happens? Compassion naturally arises—for others and for yourself.

Your reactions to other people are a beautiful invitation for your awakening. They reflect back to you areas of unexplored emotion and show you how you hide from yourself.

Here’s what’s possible: Being triggered by others becomes a time of celebration. You get to see where you’re stuck so you can be free. Then you show up open and kind in your interactions. When you start reflecting on your own inner experience, you make some amazing discoveries.

If you lash out at your partner in anger, you might realize you’re actually afraid.

If you judge and constrict your children, maybe you feel helpless as a parent or scared about what might happen to them.

If you’re waiting for affection, you may be missing the opportunity to know yourself as already whole and complete.

Take any relationship that causes you stress or discomfort, and like a trail of breadcrumbs, follow your reaction back into yourself to its source. I can guarantee you your discovery will be illuminating.

Meeting Your Reactions for Harmony in Your Relationships

Often, the strong feelings that arise in our interactions echo an unresolved relationship from our past. If you were criticized by an overly demanding parent, it won’t take much for a boss correcting your work to seem like a tyrant in your eyes. If you were abandoned in your youth, a friend calling to cancel plans at the last minute may cause you to feel like you’re five again.

Any reaction that seems too intense for the situation at hand has undoubtedly triggered some old, undigested feelings.

What to do when these emotions are revealed? Acknowledge them. Experience how they feel in your body. Own them so they don’t complicate your interactions.

Learn how to be with your experience. It’s absolutely the most loving thing you can do for yourself and everyone else. For more on feelings, check out these in-depth posts here and here.

When you meet your emotions within yourself, you bring harmony to your relationships. You’re no longer sensitive and reactive. And you’re available to the deepest intimacy with all that is.

What About You?

How do you deal with your emotional reactions in your relationships? What happens when you own them? I’d love to hear… If you’re reading this by email, please click here to comment and to visit the new and improved GailBrenner.com.

]]>http://gailbrenner.com/2014/12/harmony-to-your-relationships/feed/114872http://gailbrenner.com/2014/12/harmony-to-your-relationships/Your World Is a Projection of Your Inner Statehttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/2FjIqG5_BhM/
http://gailbrenner.com/2014/11/your-world-is-a-projection-of-your-inner-state/#commentsWed, 19 Nov 2014 15:00:13 +0000http://gailbrenner.com/?p=4765“Liberation is not an acquisition, but a matter of courage, the courage to believe that you are free already and to act on it.” ~Nisargadatta Maharaj How does your world look to you? Is it scary and uninviting? Filled with people who complicate your life? Does it leave you with a sense that something’s missing? As a formerly unhappy and confused person, now recovered, here’s what I’ve learned: It has nothing to do with the world. Our worlds are a ...Read More

]]>“Liberation is not an acquisition, but a matter of courage, the courage to believe that you are free already and to act on it.”
~Nisargadatta Maharaj

How does your world look to you? Is it scary and uninviting? Filled with people who complicate your life? Does it leave you with a sense that something’s missing?

As a formerly unhappy and confused person, now recovered, here’s what I’ve learned: It has nothing to do with the world.

Our worlds are a projection of our inner state. That’s right. There’s no objective world “out there.” Take two people with two different histories and two different perspectives. They’ll see the exact same situation in two completely different ways.

It’s like you’re looking out through a window. If your window is layered with programmed habits that define your experience, your inner state is limited and edgy. If your view is pristine and clear, with nothing in the way, you’re open, expansive, and available to what is.

What is your window onto the world? Is it murky, filled with the smudges of emotions, fears, and distorted beliefs and expectations? Then you’ll find a disappointing world out there where people are driven by their own emotions and situations will fail to meet your needs.

How It Works: An Example

Say that your intimate relationships just don’t go well. Somehow you end up with someone who creates conflict, who triggers you unendingly, or who doesn’t treat you with love and respect. It’s no mystery as to why these patterns recur for you, and it has nothing to do with the other.

It’s about your own inner experience.

Maybe you believe a sad story that you’re not deserving. Then you’ll choose someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

Maybe you have lots of ideas about what your partner should say and do. There will be no way he or she can possibly satisfy you.

Maybe you’ve been burned by relationships in the past. Your protective walls will prevent you from experiencing true intimacy. Your partner will want more from you than you’re willing to give.

And if you show up with a loving heart, with preferences but not expectations, you’re already fulfilled. You’ll choose wisely and flow like water when difficulties arise.

The Sacred Path to Clarity

I’m going to go out in a limb here and assume that what you want is ease and clarity. You want your window to be clear so you don’t get knotted up by situations that leave you spinning to try to figure them out. You want to feel okay about yourself, others, and the things that happen.

It may be easier than you think to experience this way of being.

There’s a spiritual practice called “neti-neti,” which means “not this, not that.” You take everything that arises in your experience, and you see it as not really you. A thought that you’re not good enough? Not you. A feeling of fear? Not you. A belief that you’ll get rejected if you get too close? Not you, as it’s a projection into the future and not about what’s happening now.

Neti-neti invites you to see what is actually true. And it’s not these distorted experiences that muck up your window.

Underneath all your patterns, your fears and hurt feelings, your rigid expectations is peace. When you see these habits as simply objects that pass through your consciousness, you don’t need to make them your reality, and you’re peaceful. The smudges come, but you don’t grab them so they don’t stick to your clear window. Neti-neti—they’re not you.

Experience this right now, if you can. Take an old familiar thought you’ve been thinking about yourself for decades. Now, imagine it floating though your mind without taking hold of it. There it goes…and here you are, free of it in this moment.

Now, feel a familiar impulse to lash out or pull away. Let it move through, and it doesn’t disturb.

You can inhabit the space of presence, the stable ground of being, where you’re free of these personal complications. Here, your window is clean. There may be shadows that cross it, but they move through without creating trouble.

See past them, and here you are…so crystal clear that your inner light shines brightly, everywhere. Let your life emerge from this clarity. It’s a blessed life in true service to love.

What About You?

How’s your window? Can you find the space of clear seeing? I’d love to hear… And if you’re reading by email, please click here to visit GailBrenner.com and to comment.