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I've run through every conceivable food combination available to my skill set, stretching my culinary options, trying to utilize available resources. I’ve been online looking for salamander recipes. I can’t be the only person who's considered putting Honey Nut Cheerios on a salad. And I’ve grown more confident that an expiration date is really just a suggestion.

We started this COVID journey by purchasing gift certificates from local businesses. Now we sit outside the doors of our local restaurants in a line of cars, waiting for them to bring our dinner out to us. I’ve never felt more like a cocker spaniel.

No complaints — the food has been great. I’ve appreciated how seamlessly local restaurants have pivoted to curbside service.

But it would really be cool if we could spend time with our family.

Our life rhythm is so far off kilter that my dreams have have taken on new dimensions. Not surprisingly, many of them have revolved around being chased. You don’t have to be Carl Jung to figure that one out. There’s a big bad virus out there.

But it’s how I’ve handled the dream chases that I’m still trying to figure out.

In my dreams, I find a gun and start shooting back at the unseen foe. Eventually the trigger gets harder to pull and the gun morphs into a pastry bag and ends up shooting frosting. Then I wake up in a cold sugar sweat.

As I’ve analyzed the dream, I’ve settled on two likely subconscious messages. First, the plan should not be trying to outrun the virus. Better to just stay put and let it bang on the door all it wants. We’re not letting it in.

The second interpretation is that I’ve received a divine message: Despite all the blather about hydroxychloroquine, the missing coronavirus cure is Betty Crocker Home-Style Buttercream Frosting.

Stay safe, friends. And just in case, eat frosting.

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Gary Yordon(Photo: Democrat files)

Gary Yordon is a host of the political WCTV program “The Usual Suspects” and president of The Zachary Group. Contact him at gary@zprgroup.com.

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