Is it important that my dd knows other children starting school with her in September?

My dd 3.10 LOVES playschool. I have reduced her hours there so she can also attend a pre-school = I wanted her to meet other children who will be going to the same school.She says she doesn't like it at new pre-school there and she SAYS she doesn't have any friends.She is quite a handful and I'm wondering if she is knackered or insecure or unsettled by the 2 environments

Playschool (2 x days a week 9-3.45pm): she loves, it is cheaper, but no one will be going to the same school as herPreschool (2 x mornings 8.30 - 1pm): convenient, has links with the primary school, but she doesn't love it and it's expensive.

It's not important at all - friendships are very fluid at this age. My eldest went to Reception at the same school as a couple of others that went to his Nursery, but not anyone he'd been 'friends' with. Both dds started Reception not knowing anyone (well, turned out one boy who had gone to the same Nursery did go to dd2's school, but a different class, and he was in a different class in Nursery too).Made friends no problem at all, and also changed friends as 4 yr olds do - they tend to play with whoever happens to be near them.

I've been an early years teacher for years. By the October half-term in a Reception class you wouldn't be able to tell who joined with friends and who didn't. However I have also taught nursery children who have attended 2 settings and in my experience most find it quite difficult. It is all the things you say for children -2 sets of rules, 2 environments, 2 peer groups, 2 sets of adults. Children definitely prefer 1 setting.

I'd say it depends on your DD, does she hold friendships as highly important to her? At my DSs preschool, they noted on his report that they were very important to him. When he went to Kinder/Reception, he didn't have any of his friends in his class, and only knew 3 other children at the school that came from preschool/previous friends. He struggled hugely to fit in. He has only just settled, I'd say this week.

I had a couple of the boys in his class to play, and I think this has helped him a bit to form friendships in his new environment. He also has a care worker who works with him a little bit to help him adjust, he seems to be doing better with her help too.

Reception classes have children from lots of different settings and children that have never been to pre-school, the first few weeks will be spent learning about each other and making friends, teachers in this age group are fantastic at integrating everyone and making sure no one gets left out, generally I find that children who join a class with friends from pre-school find someone much more interesting to play with within the first few days, children tend to have new best friends an awful lot.

I do think that two settings can be difficult to cope with though for some children, if your DD is too unsettled she won't be getting any benefit from being there.

We sent our dd to the preschool that has links with the primary. It was hopeless and although dd liked it I was very unhappy with the level of care she was receiving and the cost. We called in at the local nursery around the corner and she loved it so we swapped. It was cheaper, we used our funded hours and everyone was happy with the move. As it turned out 3 other children did start school with her.

I don't think it's all that important now. I did with my first but now think that after the first 2 weeks you can't tell the ones who attended the preschool from the others.

My DS didn't go to preschool and knew no children at his new primary that he started last Sept (apart from one neighbour boy, by sight). His school arranged a couple of meet-ups over the summer (school fete, soft play) where children and parents could meet up - we set up a couple of lowkey summer holiday playdates from that - and it was no problem at all.

I have heard from people whom I trust, including my aunt who's a retired nursery head, that sending a child to 2 settings (2 sets of people, rules, pattern of day) is a really bad plan. Given this and how you describe it, I think in your position I'd consider withdrawing my child from the preschool.