I guess the stress of sports, losing friends, family, and getting my heartbroken over and over.. got to me.. I started cutting, which was a big mistake.. I know that, and i’m done doing that now.. One night, i couldn’t handle anything anymore.. I ran to the bathroom crying my eyes out.. I locked the doorbehind me, and grabbed a blade, and slashed my arm.. I kept cutting up my arm, slashing it, over and over.. Telling myself what a fuck up i am.. And how it was all my fault.. Each cut, deeper than the one before. I fell to the bathroom floor, laying there lifeless. Wondering what the point of all this suffering was.. And then and there, i had made up my mind.. I was going to give up, and end it.. I figured it’d be better for everyone anyways.. I made up my mind that i’d end it, the next night.. I washed my face, and covered my arm.. I walked back to the computer room, and got on like i normally did.. My friend was on, i used to tell her everything.. She told me she had previously tried to end her life.. She told me everything that had happened.. I then told her what i had decided. Then, I went to sleep, tired of crying.. I went to school the next morning, pretending everything was okay.. I went to the bathroom, to check my phone, like i normally did.. I had a text, my friend had said her counselor asked if she knew me.. I closed my phone, and walked backed to class. Panicking, a million thoughts ran through my head: “Did she tell on me?” “What do i do now?” etc. I sat down in my seat, and kept freaking out.. Then, the guidence counselor came, and knocked on the door.. He asked to see me.. I knew right then, why he was asking for me. My heart stopped, i wanted to run away, but i couldn’t. He told me to go to his office, and he’d be there in a minute.. I sat down, and waited.. He came in.. He said, “So, we need to talk about something.” I started bawling..
It was a mess.. But in the end it was all okay.. It scares me to think about how close i was, to ending my life.. And i know that as bad as things may get, you have to stay positive.. There are always good things in life, no matter what.. My life has been much harder than it was back then, but i’ve learned from my experences. I’m staying strong, and doing the best i can.. I hope sharing my story will help someone, and make them realize that there are always good things to stick around for..

3 Comments

you are strong. i am there too, i have been and am still sometimes suicidal but its not getting better… making that decision may have saved you, and im glad you had the strength to change. i hope you use your experience to help others, but be warned that the “tell an adult” approach doesnt always work. keep positive though, you are a role model for the people still stuck with depression.