A site about recovering from a stroke

Amy

I was told recently by someone who knows me and that reads my blog that I seem like 2 different people. Well, I’m sure that’s true, but I also think that my personality and sense of humor come shining through. I’m not as angry and pissed off as I come across on this blog. When you hang out with me in person I’m actually quite pleasant and really funny. I’m a joy to be around. But I’m hurting right now. I’m hurting pretty badly. And the medical community made my pain much, much greater than it needed to be. So I get angry and instead of hitting people I vent on my blog. It’s much more healthy to vent than to hit. I’m hurting a lot but I’ve turned it around and managed to help a lot of people because of my pain. I wouldn’t say that makes this worth it but it helps.

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Amy … what anyone writes- blog or elsewhere is never a complete picture of who they are. That is part of the beauty of it. Your Blog has a function for you as a whole and another in that moment when you write a particular post and it has a function for each of your readers. If it doesn’t do anything for them they simple don’t read it again. I almost shut down my blog last spring because as I am changing so is what I want to blog about and it is not as easy a transition as I thought it might be. My blog has been good therapy and has been a good record for me. I can see where I was both physically and emotionally and where I am now and that is a good thing.

Trust me, I understand a lot of your pain and sympathize as I read your posts. I was fortunate to get assigned a social worker who specializes as a therapist for people dealing with life changing health conditions. Even at the college I have a disability therapist who helps with special needs related to classes but also does counselling with me. I vent a lot. Still really want to punch a few people out though.

You’re just a babe in the woods when it comes to anger. Anger is cathartic, you can vent all you want in a couple of weeks. I do it on my blog because I get too intense in person, at least for those who are not survivors.

Amy, you’re right … You DO help a lot of people. and it’s perfectly understandable that you need to vent and want to hit someone; choosing the former shows that your impulse control wasn’t destroyed by the F’g stroke.

There’s much more to your blog than venting. I’ll admit it, I’m a high-speed, highly-motivated stroke-recovering individual who thrives on destroying personal limitations. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t see optimism, perseverance and practicality in your posts. So thank you for your bright side.

Amy, There are multiple sides to everyone. What you blog about mostly is to other strokees not your old friends who have not had a stroke. We understand what you are going through in a way that nonstrokees couldn’t possibly.

Your blog touches and hits the right chords with us so keep on blogging your way. It helps many. There’s not a problem with being fierce or angry at injustice or under educated professionals. Just like Dean does. We all agree with you because we are living it too. We can empathize with you.

You’re great. I’ve never met you in person, haven’t personally experienced brain injury, and still think you are a fantastic, like-able, kind, compassionate, fire-cracker of a lady. I quite like fire crackers.

Every stroke survivor who hasn’t recovered completely is angry, pissed off, frustrated. But you and I and other stroke bloggers are doing something remarkable in making other survivors see that they’re not unique. The un-uniqueness of it makes it better. We’re sort of an angry club banded together by horrific stroke.

I am very angry. Most of the time at myself, for my limitations, my lack of productivity, my dependence, my failure to recover rapidly. I could go on and on. But occasionally a friend says something thoughtless and I react with anger. My best friend used to say thoughtless things but she has been my best friend for almost 50 years and she’s made of steel so she took my anger and became an even better friend so I don’t get angry with her very much anymore. But with other “friends”, they can’t deal with my anger, and it’s not over the top anger, it’s just more like “You said something that is hurtful to me which made me angry and upset”, but those “friends” are gone now (their choice not mine) because I don’t fit the happy cripple stereotype that is so “inspiring” to normals. Living with this kind of rage is destroying the core of who I am but there really isn’t anything I can do about it. Only recovery will make it go away. Knowing that other survivors feel anger is not a surprise to me. I never felt unique in my anger. Knowing that I am not unique doesn’t make me feel any better though. And when I read that a stroke survivor’s rage went away when they accepted their disability that just makes me angrier. I will die before I accept my condition as permanent. Rage has taken up residence in the space where love and joy used to live. KY does take the edge off for a time. Nothing else works. You gave me quite a gift Amy – thank you.

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Disclaimer…

This blog IS NOT intended to be medical advice of any sort. I am writing about my experiences, my knowledge, and my opinions. My goal is to tell people what I'm going through and hopefully help someone.
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All that being said, rest assured that everything you read on this blog is written by a highly educated, highly trained, and highly experienced medical practitioner.
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Dr. Amy Elder (formerly Shissler) PT, DPT, Cert. MDT------my full name and title