May I first apologise for my delay in repling to you. I have been away trying to save the habitat of the arctic hare. Paris and I thought the trip had been very successful until we realised our guide had been shooting and eating the poor little creatures since the start of the expedition.

Clearly your wife is talking about your guitar as there is no other possible connotation. In order to achieve the percussive sound so popular in gypsy jazz today, you must get your action as high as possible without incurring physical injury and then you will be able to pump away endlessly to the delight of both your wife and yourself.

I think perhaps the biggest bar to a full and satisfying relationship with your wife is the fact that you live in Essex.