The winner will actually probably get laid for his troubles. After all, he'll have the whole self-confidence thing going for him, and farking him means you automatically have a hilarious sex-anecdote. ("Oh yeah? Well I had this guy once who was so tiny he won a trophy for it!") Trust me, that guy will be inch-deep in Brooklyn hipster poon for weeks.

It's the guy who finishes second who is going to have to be put on suicide watch.

doyner:Why isn't this in the Politics Tab? We all know that's the countries most storied and continuous "Smallest Penis Contest" going.

Don't worry. Some of the regulars there will show up and mention guns or the NRA, if they haven't already. Some of those guys are incapable of separating guns and penises. Must be sme kind weird fetish.