Thanks wannabeskinny and pinkhippie!!! Your wisdom and advice goes miles with me. It's so nice to talk to folks who have been there done that. It's just so ironic that we are on a diet forum!!

Also, pinkhippie, I got the 'beyond chocolate' book on my tablet kindle last night and started reading it. do you use their forum/website much? I haven't gotten that far in which I've actually logged in yet.

Wannabeskinny, I hate the anger deal. It mostly happens to me at work too though or stress (which is close to anger for me). that is when I would binge probably the most. I have no good advice yet since I'm just so focused on the whole "are you hungry" deal instead of actually confronting my feelings. I do however, try to take a walk or work out when I feel this coming on. Those endorphins really pump me up. I've also been picking up some kind of IE book when I want to eat and am thinking constantly about food.

Lately, and it's also TOM for me, I've been wanting to eat at night while I'm watching TV. totally NOT hungry but boy wanting to eat, thinking of food constantly. ugh. It wasn't like this when it wasn't TOM so I'm wondering if it's that? or maybe I just need to keep busier while watching TV even though the point of watching TV for me is to relax before bed time.

Whoops missed this before. I hope the chocolate book helps you! I did sign up for their forums but haven't visited much. I do get their emails which are kind of annoying. Advertisements for workshops in the UK. but, the book was really helpful and good for me.

If you aren't hungry and you want to eat, do you have any particular emotion you are trying not to feel or need you are trying to meet? My biggest clue that I am not trying to feel something is REALLY REALLY wanting to eat when Im not hungry. I have mentioned it before but I will mention it again. The Pocket Hunger Coach app by Roger Gould has been really helpful for me in deciphering some of my emotional eating triggers. It has been a very useful tool for me.

I totally understand this. Im not a physical anger person either. AT ALL. I would always turn my anger against myself or towards myself. i really think that was part of my ED actually. I think that is why it IS such a powerful thing to be physical with my anger. It really gets me in touch with a lot of repressed feelings. My mom was also a very angry person and she was physical towards me. My dad too. So I am kind of terrified of anger. I still have a hard time if my dh raises his voice or anyone around me acts angry. So, I know that is why I bury my anger. Im scared of my anger too. So, punching a pillow IS actually very scary, but liberating as well. I can't yell either because it sounds too much like when my mom would yell and sound all crazy and scary. I have been working on this stuff. We revert back to what we know under times of stress or duress, even if we think we have overcome these things for years. Just be patient with yourself and compassionate, and most of all try to stay aware without judgement.

Crying as I read this. I never realized how terrified I am of anger. Nobody ever abused me physically, but verbally yes, just by my mother. Through all of it I felt compassion for her because I knew she had survived a lot so I still loved her through it and was hurting for her. But yes I'm terrified, and now that you mention it I am terrified of my husband becoming angry. He is not an angry person in any way but the slightest bit of human anger he might exhibit sends me into terror.

Crying as I read this. I never realized how terrified I am of anger. Nobody ever abused me physically, but verbally yes, just by my mother. Through all of it I felt compassion for her because I knew she had survived a lot so I still loved her through it and was hurting for her. But yes I'm terrified, and now that you mention it I am terrified of my husband becoming angry. He is not an angry person in any way but the slightest bit of human anger he might exhibit sends me into terror.

Now *Im* crying. I hope that realization helps you. I know what you mean about feeling compassion and understanding because of them surviving a lot. I am actually right now working on realizing that I am very angry at my mom and realizing that its OK to be angry at her. I actually feel guilty being mad at her for how she treated me because she went through so much horrible stuff as a kid, and that is why she is the way she is. It's crazy isn't it how it really isn't all about food like we think it is.

Now *Im* crying. I hope that realization helps you. I know what you mean about feeling compassion and understanding because of them surviving a lot. I am actually right now working on realizing that I am very angry at my mom and realizing that its OK to be angry at her. I actually feel guilty being mad at her for how she treated me because she went through so much horrible stuff as a kid, and that is why she is the way she is. It's crazy isn't it how it really isn't all about food like we think it is.

Oh boy! My mother was a yeller and would chase us with wooden spoons but I never felt really afraid of her at all. She passed away when I was 11 so maybe that's why I don't feel that way towards her. I'm a yeller and after reading this from you all, I can see how it can affect my children - I try really hard not too and am adamant about stopping the cycle with what my father did.

neglect, neglect, neglect after our mother passed. Food was my friend, caretaker, parent, everything (along with the TV and the books I could forage). a therapist helped me get past my continual anger at him by helping me see that he is a little on the special needs side. He does not (nor did he back then) possess the mental or emotional capacity to raise children or be a parent. This has helped me so much to forgive him.

Something that made the hair on my neck bristle on the back of my neck was the comment "this is how they were raised" - yep it was but they made a choice to not stop the cycle. I was raised like this and I will do everything in my power to stop the cycle for my children whom I'd do anything in world for. Then again, special needs - they probably just didn't have the emotional capacity to do this. THANK GOD WE DO or least we all are trying......

The Pocket Hunger Coach app by Roger Gould has been really helpful for me in deciphering some of my emotional eating triggers. It has been a very useful tool for me.

Ooo.. this is the first time I'm hearing about this - I really should go back and read more of the IE monthly threads sometime. I just went to check it out and signed up for the app. Can't wait to dig in.

On another note - guess who wanted a salad for lunch?? ME, ME, ME. I knew it would happen, I love all kinds of food. So of course I had no salad fixings in my house so I went to Wendy's and BOY do they have some awesome salads out right now - love that! I also got a shake. I didn't finish either of these items but man it hit the spot and makes me feel so successful AND FREE!!!!!!!!!!! (oh and not finishing is a big deal. I can't remember the clean plate club being a thing growing up but man, I hate to leave food behind - super badly......but I can have it next time if I'm hungry and if I want it....)

Oh boy! My mother was a yeller and would chase us with wooden spoons but I never felt really afraid of her at all. She passed away when I was 11 so maybe that's why I don't feel that way towards her. I'm a yeller and after reading this from you all, I can see how it can affect my children - I try really hard not too and am adamant about stopping the cycle with what my father did.

neglect, neglect, neglect after our mother passed. Food was my friend, caretaker, parent, everything (along with the TV and the books I could forage). a therapist helped me get past my continual anger at him by helping me see that he is a little on the special needs side. He does not (nor did he back then) possess the mental or emotional capacity to raise children or be a parent. This has helped me so much to forgive him.

Something that made the hair on my neck bristle on the back of my neck was the comment "this is how they were raised" - yep it was but they made a choice to not stop the cycle. I was raised like this and I will do everything in my power to stop the cycle for my children whom I'd do anything in world for. Then again, special needs - they probably just didn't have the emotional capacity to do this. THANK GOD WE DO or least we all are trying......

Im sorry about your mom. Its good to realize what food does for us when it comes to these things. I think the hard thing with my mom is that she did mostly stop the cycle. I was not horribly abused like she was. She went to therapy for years and really really tried. The problem I guess is that because of how far on the extreme end of the scale she came from, she was still in the kind of a sucky mother category even though she did the best she could. My dad is also emotionally stunted. I think of him as special needs too and it helps.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jensassy

Ooo.. this is the first time I'm hearing about this - I really should go back and read more of the IE monthly threads sometime. I just went to check it out and signed up for the app. Can't wait to dig in.

On another note - guess who wanted a salad for lunch?? ME, ME, ME. I knew it would happen, I love all kinds of food. So of course I had no salad fixings in my house so I went to Wendy's and BOY do they have some awesome salads out right now - love that! I also got a shake. I didn't finish either of these items but man it hit the spot and makes me feel so successful AND FREE!!!!!!!!!!! (oh and not finishing is a big deal. I can't remember the clean plate club being a thing growing up but man, I hate to leave food behind - super badly......but I can have it next time if I'm hungry and if I want it....)

I hope the app helps you! Yay for a wonderful satisfying delicious lunch that you didn't feel the need to finish all of when you were satisfied! wooohoo! That totally calls for a dancing carrot.

Oh thank you! I've dealt with it a lot and how it's contributed to my eating. It's also when the ED started big time as well... *sigh*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinkhippie

I hope the app helps you! Yay for a wonderful satisfying delicious lunch that you didn't feel the need to finish all of when you were satisfied! wooohoo! That totally calls for a dancing carrot.

Yes I do! It was quite an event. AND that app - is amazing. I just did a trial run of it. I did not expect it to be so thorough!!! thanks for the tip.

So from my other topic re: dinner. I was hungry here just a little bit of ago but knew if I ate until a 6 I wouldn't be hungry for dinner with the family... so I just had a small snack - I'm somewhere between a 4.5 and 5. I'm hoping this works and I'll be hungry for dinner in a few hours! If not, I'll try something else next time.....

I feel the same way. I was abused physically by my dad and emotionally by both parents. People think of me as a very nice person because I'm very slow to show anger. I turn it all in on myself. Restricting and bingeing is a way for me to punish my body and take out all of my anger on myself. I am also scared of anger, especially when it comes from men. Because of my history I am extremely skilled at sensing moods in other people. Anger scares me, and it makes me react with fear. I have been called a liar before because I will sometimes say anything to make another person not be angry with me. I don't mean to lie but it comes from me trying to protect myself from harm.

I've been restricting for the past couple of weeks. It's really hard for me to be able to understand whether I am just trying to give myself the best nutrition possible or whether I'm restricting for ED related reasons. IE is really hard for me to do sometimes. I also haven't lost any weight for the past week so that's been in the back of my mind. My weight loss has also been super slow since I started IE. I guess I'm really frustrated right now. I hate being obsessed with food whether it's cupcakes or protein shakes. I just want peace.

I also went through a huge romantic drama over the weekend- this has not helped with my ability to cope with everything else in my life. I had a person I've been dating say that she loves me and wants to be with me. I couldn't handle it. I've had plenty of people fall in love with me but I cannot accept their love- it is so scary for me. It seems like responsibility, pressure, and moreover it doesn't seem possible. I hate myself and I can't be with someone who loves me when I hate myself. I feel like I'm doomed to be alone forever because I can't deal with that part of relationships.

So yeah, I'm kind of a mess right now. I ran away from my relationship and dove straight into dieting. I may not be able to control other peoples' feelings for me but I can control what I eat. The person in my life who I confide in just keeps telling me to be kind to myself and eat ice cream. Lol I can't do either. I don't want to give into the urge to eat emotionally and being kind to myself doesn't come naturally. I always just end up confused and not knowing what to do.

Im sorry Locke. You know, I can REALLY relate to that. I had a really hard time being with anyone who loved me or even treated me well. Most of my relationships up until I got married were always with emotionally unavailable men who made me feel lucky to be around them and always wanting them to love me. When I met my first husband it took me forever to date him and I broke up with him constantly because he loved me and liked me and I just couldn't handle it.

So here is another cross country hug. I hope you continue to try to be nice to yourself. I think its one of the most important things you can do. Restricting is not being nice to yourself. You do deserve to be loved and to be nice to yourself.

Lots of deep thoughts here. I can relate to the dealing with anger thing for sure. I tend to hold it in, get resentful and not say anything or let it come out in a passive aggressive way. I know when I finally deal with it the feelings underneath for me are some kind of inadequacy. I can relate to the relationship stuff---pushing people away---as well. For me that also comes down to trust....and under that also those feelings of inadequacy. Sadly that stuff runs deep.

Still practicing mindful eating....I really suck at it! LOL Sitting and just enjoying my food without any distractions seems so....boring?! I really haven't found it very pleasurable. Hmmmm I think there is lots of information in just this piece of the process that I need to learn from but it's not clear yet what that is.

Locke I find it helpful to continuously ask myself what I need in order to get through whatever I need to get through. It sounds like you have some automatic negative thoughts that form a barrier between you and the people in your life. Whenever I feel the threat of getting hurt I immediately shroud myself in negative thoughts too, like an armor. The only person who can destroy that armor is you. You must realize that those negative thoughts are not actual reality, you've been saying them long enough so that you believe them but they are not the real truth.

So this is an exercise that my NT has me do. A situation pops up and it makes me anxious. I immediately conjure up negative feelings. I write those negative feelings down and then come up with at least 3 countering and positive sentences. For example I may say to myself:

"I'm too fat to wear a skirt." I write it down and then under it I challenge that thought. "Skirts are so pretty and comfortable." "I see women of all sizes wear skirts and I love how they look". "I deserve to wear a skirt no matter what my size".

I can go on and tell you that you deserve live that you will find someone and blah blah blah. It's all true but I'm not the voice that will get through to you, you must stand up to that inner rebel who seems to have a lot of control in there. I'm challenging the rebel inside me and its the fight of my life. I used to believe with all my heart that if someone, anyone found out the "true me" they'd run for the hills. As it turns out, I now know that's not true. I've got an eating disorder, so what??? It's being dealt with. The true me is actually strong and resilient. If someone wants to run for the hills then bye bye.

Lots of deep thoughts here. I can relate to the dealing with anger thing for sure. I tend to hold it in, get resentful and not say anything or let it come out in a passive aggressive way. I know when I finally deal with it the feelings underneath for me are some kind of inadequacy. I can relate to the relationship stuff---pushing people away---as well. For me that also comes down to trust....and under that also those feelings of inadequacy. Sadly that stuff runs deep.

Still practicing mindful eating....I really suck at it! LOL Sitting and just enjoying my food without any distractions seems so....boring?! I really haven't found it very pleasurable. Hmmmm I think there is lots of information in just this piece of the process that I need to learn from but it's not clear yet what that is.

Hey suzzie. I hate mindful eating too, but alas in order to do IE, we have to. Now today I was so busy that I was less tuned into my hunger, but once I started to eat, I tried to slow down and determine my fullness, this helped and the good thing was that today was one of those weird days for me when hunger was less aparent until I started eating. With this I just used some regular meal times and made sure it had been at least 3-4 hours since I last ate. Some days are just like this.

As far as eating without distractions...... I need to do a major overhaul. I think I'll try not to eat at my desk at least one a week to start. I also need to slow down and really savor my food.... All works in progress.

What could make it less boring for you? Candlelight? Fancy dishes? Fancy napkins? Light music? Think about it? But always put your food on a plate. The "beyond chocolate" gals recommend that as a must have practice.