Thursday, August 3, 2017

I need to write this and YOU need to read this. Yes, YOU. Because if you've never been affected by this, someone you know has. Share this with them. If you don't have time to read the whole thing, please skip to the last 2 paragraphs.

A few days ago I was reading through my Facebook news feed and a friend shared a happy picture of herself holding her adorable new kittens. The smile on her face was contagious as she shared her new loveables with her Facebook friends. As I read her brief post, the words jumped off the screen, "Ignore my fat arms," and tears instantly welled in my eyes. I gasped to myself. "She thinks her arms are fat," is all I could helplessly and sadly think. I wanted to call her on the phone. I wanted to pull her near and hug her tightly.

I replied to her with the following: "I am saddened that you felt the need to comment on your arms. You are beautiful, inside and out. No need to point out something that you think is a flaw when others will see beauty. I understand that we are our own worst critic, but distorted body image is a real thing. You are beautiful no matter what your size and shape and I hope you are comfortable with it. Most people would have looked at this picture and not given your arms a second thought. Clearly, they are strong arms that are made for raising boys, maintaining a home, and carrying the load that goes with teaching a classroom full of students who are learning to carry this world forward."

I'm pretty sure you and I both know her thoughts don't stop with her arms, though. Mine didn't years ago. Most women and some men have, at one time or another, thought about their thighs, their tummy, their butt, their arms ... always too big, right? My grandmother used to tell me I needed to gain a little weight because I was too thin, but I clearly remember seeing myself in the mirror and I didn't see myself as too thin. There it is, right there, looking back at me: distorted body image. Why is it that we see ourselves as fat, no matter how we look? I'm not even comparing, saying "I was fat compared to ..." Nope. I saw a lie in the mirror.

My friend shared that hers started in high school when "some jerk boy" nick named her "AMA" short for Amazon. She was devastated!! I, too, remember the moment my image of myself changed. My mom had bought me a pair of pants that I wanted so badly. They ere too long, so I put them away for a while. Then I hit puberty. Surely those pants would fit now that I was taller (don't laugh, we all know I didn't get THAT much taller, as I'm only 5'.) I excitedly tried those pants on and couldn't even get them pulled up one leg. My legs had gotten wider! The pants were way too small. I was embarrassed, even though no one was with me, and I was mad and sad. I shoved those pants into the back corner of my closet to be forgotten about forever. Except they weren't forgotten. They were still the pants that I'd grown out of before I could wear them. Add to this the time a boy in high school asked me why my legs were so big and a girl close to our family used to call me fat just because we didn't get along. I barely weighed 100 pounds, but my thighs have always been strong and wide. These memories would haunt me for decades, just as my friend likely still hears that boy's voice in her head.

See, here's what we don't realize in our teenage brains: Some people are still growing, while some have reached their height, their bodies are still reaching maturity. Some people are taller or shorter than others. Some people are built to be more muscular and others will never have defined muscles no matter how hard they try. Some people have tighter or looser tendons and ligaments, which affect their shape. Most of these factors are genetic, like height, eye and hair color, bone size and strength, toe length, ear shape, and much more.

It didn't occur to me then that those thighs I wanted to be narrower would walk me through the streets of Chicago while in college and after. Why wait for a bus if you can get there just as fast while walking, or walk until you catch a bus or walk to the bus stop? It didn't occur to me then that those thighs would carry me up and down countless flights of stairs when I worked in the lab and ER and we didn't have time to wait for an elevator. It didn't occur to me then that those thighs would carry 4 babies, individually, to term and keep me moving and caring for my family through each pregnancy. I didn't have to build up strength or endurance; I already had it.

With each pregnancy I held on to a little weight after and I saw it. I still do. But something changed between my third and fourth pregnancies. I began to see myself as an adult woman. I'll never again have a teenage body. I'll never again wear those sizes. That's ok because this body is able to things my 11-year old body couldn't. This body can carry a 25-pound little boy on a hip for hours. This body can carry a 65-pound tween on her back. This body has produced milk to nourish and build immune systems for 4 children beyond the toddler years. This body has been able to walk miles and miles for fitness and sanity. This body can stand for hours washing dishes and cooking. This body doesn't need to be fewer pounds. With every year that goes by, my body changes. Guess what? It's done that since I was born and yours has, too. Your 10-year old body was different from your 5-year old body. Your 15-year old body was even more different. And 20? More different still. It's supposed to be that way.

I can now see myself in the mirror for who I am. I am content with my body image, my clothes being larger than they were a couple years ago.

What I really want you to hear, and lean in because I love you and care deeply about you, is this: I understand. I, too, have a memory of when I first became aware of body image. It stinks, but recognize it for what it is. A lie. Satan wants you to hang on to that lie and forget that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. He wants you to forget that you were created in the image of God. Second, that boy or girl, who said something that introduced you to the lie, had limited experience and vocabulary based on his age and education at the time. You'd probably recently hit a growth spurt, out of your control, and that person had no idea the long-term ramifications of the comment. Chances are he or she would feel terrible today if they knew that it affected you for so long, especially if they have a daughter or a son who has a distorted sense of body image. Forgive that person and let it go. Believe what the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

I'm praying today for everyone who will read this, for that memory to fade, for God to replace it with TRUTH and His image of you, and for that comment or memory or image or whatever grips you to be insignificant to you. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

Monday, May 4, 2015

Earlier this year I reviewed Motivate Your Child and now I’m reading the accompanying
Action Plan. I don’t know about you, but often times I have to yell to get
my kids to do what they are asked or told. It can take 20 minutes to get
everyone out the door, when we should have left 20 minutes ago and I had
already been telling them for half an hour before that that it was half an hour
until we had to leave. Don’t even get me started on putting away laundry,
helping with other chores, and brushing their hair. Sometimes it’s just pure chaos in my house.How about yours?

It seems we go in stages of kids
being motivated and kids being lazy. I’m hoping that this Action Plan will outline the specific steps we need to take, as a family, to
make the changes stick and help my children truly internalize
motivation and help me stop yelling.

Here’s the GIVEAWAY!

To celebrate the release of Motivate Your Child Action Plan, we are joining other members of the Launch Team in a wonderful giveaway filled with an iPod Touch, $50 iTunes Gift Card and several biblical parenting products! A value of nearly $350!
Here's what you could win:

The Christian Parenting Handbook contains nuggets of parenting wisdom condensed into 50 short chapters, each one biblical, practical, and relevant for parents of children ages 2-18. Learn appropriate ways to correct, instruct, and set limits. Glean wisdom for dealing with emotions, conflict, and developing closeness in your family… and much more. These 50 strategies provide you with hands-on tools for parenting children of any age.
The Companion Guide is a workbook of 50 lessons along with 50 audio tips to take you through The Christian Parenting Handbook step by step. Each lesson contains advice from Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller in a 5 minute audio tip and then offers teaching, an assignment, a Bible verse, and a prayer to help you apply each idea or strategy in your family. The tips are available to you as MP3 downloads and access to them comes in the workbook.

Family Time Activities Book Bundle ($45 value)

Your kids will have fun learning about God's Word and how it applies to their lives. Science experiments, art activities, and games are all designed to reinforce spiritual truth. Each lesson is clear and simple, yet profound even for parents! You'll teach kids how exciting it is to learn about God and his ways. Your kids will love these books, but more importantly you'll build spiritual memories of Family Time in your home. Titles in this giveaway include:
Seeing Is BelievingPlaying for KeepsRunning the Race

Enter the Giveaway using the Rafflecopter below! This giveaway is open INTERNATIONALLY to those 18 years of age or older. Void where prohibited by law.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
Join us for the Action Plan Facebook Party on Wednesday, May 20 at 9:00PM ET. There will be even more prizes and giveaways there and the authors of Action Plan will be present to answer your questions! The winner of this giveaway will be announced at the Facebook party!

This post contains affiliate links. If
you click on or order from these links, the author of this post may receive a
percentage of the purchase amount as commission. As a member of the Motivate
Your Child Action Plan launch team, I received a copy of the book for free in
exchange for my honest opinion, which will be shared on
MyChildsView.blogspot.com in May 2015.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Are you Facebook? Do you ever see the memes about What Kind of Parent Are You? I don't what all the answers are because I've never taken one of those quizzes, but I see from my friends that some of the answers are fun, dictator, friend, etc. I already know that the kind of parent I am varies by the day. Sometimes I'm hard, sometimes I give more slack, sometimes I'm inadequate, sometimes I'm insecure, sometimes I'm confident, sometimes I'm gentle and kind in my discipline and others I'm too harsh. I know I'm not alone in all of those. But I love my children just as you love yours and our goal is the same, right? Our goal is to raise our kids to functioning members of society who know right from wrong and make the right choices based on knowing what it is right. And if you are a Christ-follower, like me, then you want your children to love God with all their heart, sharing that love with others. Right? Do we want our children to make choices based on fear or intimidation? Peer pressure? Selfishness? I know I don't. I don't want my kids to behave based on what the external reward or consequence is, typical behavior modification. I want them to be internally motivated, based on what's in their heart, what they know is right.

So when I saw that Motivate Your Child by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN, is a Christian Parent's Guide to Raising Children Who Do What They Need to Do Without Being Told, I knew I had to read it. I thought it would be useful. Who would have thought this would be a book I couldn't put down? It's like a family therapy session that keeps getting better and better, providing tools and discussion points to help guide the reader through correcting your child, preparing them to use better or different behaviors in the future, practicing those scenarios. The tools and techniques help build integrity and encourage taking initiative.

Fairly early in the book, the authors provide a checklist of characteristics so you can identify areas where your child's conscience is already strong or needs improvement. The following four chapters dive into how to improve those areas of your child's conscience, driving their internal motivation behind their behavior. It addresses how to handle the issues of blaming others, lying, not obeying, and so much more. If your children ever get angry or blame others when they do something wrong, this book has great suggestions.

I'm telling you, I just kept underlining and underlining and taking notes on index cards to keep in my purse. When my kids are fighting and blaming each other, now I have other tools. Even while I was reading the book, I started incorporating the suggestions and my kids responded much more favorably, It's a matter of involving them, their heart and conscience, rather than imposing something uncomfortable upon them. Now, this isn't to say that there is never discipline, but rather coupling discipline with heart-training. Sometimes temptations need to be removed. Sometimes children need to be redirected toward stopping what they are doing and following directions rather than repeating the directions over and over again and waiting for the child to respond.

Eventually, a child's behaviors aren't just about his or herself, but about how those behaviors affect others. The family dynamic exists through all the relationships within the family. Internal motivation isn't just about making the right decisions about honesty, tact, lying, or selfishness, but about how our actions affect others and engaging others in what interests them. As parents, we may lose interest in some our child's interests during the teen years. However, "initiating relationship regularly is like adding oil to the machine to reduce friction so tasks are easier to accomplish." (p163) It's our job to tie the relationships together so our family unit functions.

Living through example, incorporating family worship time, reading the bible with your children, and living your faith are some of the ways that our children will develop a strong spiritual motivation internally. Just as being externally motivated through only discipline and rewards will not provide a strong internal conscience, simply telling our kids what to do or believe will not build a strong spiritual foundation. They need to be involved in it to believe it for themselves. Your example sets one layer of foundation, including your children in that examples sets a stronger layer of foundation. If your kids are older and you haven't been building them spiritually, it's not too late to start. Chapter 16 walks the reader through situations of resistance, spiritual warfare, pressing on, and being a Godly influence. The key here is to not be intimidated or give up. God is powerful and His grace is sufficient.

The most important thing, leading our children to Christ and providing good soil for their spiritual growth, is not overlooked in this book. The authors really take the lead in walking parents through this and continuing as their children grow, including how to overcome some obstacles along the way.

As I mentioned previously, Motivate Your Child is like a family therapy program in paperback. I loved the practical explanations and discussion points, how easy it is to make notes and incorporate the suggestions, and I made note cards to carry with me. Thomas Nelson publishing really hit the mark with this book by Turansky and Miller, founders of The National Center for Biblical Parenting. Every Christian parent should have access to a copy of this book. I wish it had been published 10 years ago!

Monday, January 12, 2015

Want to win a Go Pro HERO3+ Silver Camera (value $300)? You'll have your chance below!
You know those moments: when you’ve told the kids that there is an appointment in an hour? You’ve served lunch. You go to finish getting ready and come back to find that no one has eaten. One hasn’t brushed her hair. Another isn’t dressed or has decided to change clothes and can’t find anything to wear. This is not the first time you told them there was an appointment in an hour. Come on already. Wasn’t this discussed last night? How can you lose a shoe? What do you mean you can’t find your toothbrush?

All of a sudden you wonder if you’re going to make it out the door at all. What happened? It seems like I live through this every. single. day.

So, when I read the first page of Motivate Your Child: A Christian Parent’s Guide to Raising Kids Who Do What They Need to Do Without Being Told, I was hooked. I want my kids to be internally motivated to do what they need to do to help our household run smoothly and for them to be helpful, contributing members of society. I want them to think with the big picture in mind and not just in the moment.I’m excited to read this book and incorporate the principles and ideas into our family.

In a few weeks, I’ll be sharing my review of Motivate Your Child. I hope you’ll come back for it. In the meantime, you can pre-order your copy before January 31, 2015, and receive $150 in Biblical parenting resources FREE from The National Center for Biblical Parenting. Details about that can be found here. Motivate Your Child Pre-Order Promotion.

GRAND PRIZE ($500+ value)

HERO3+ Silver captures gorgeous, professional-quality 1080p60 video and 10MP photos at speeds of up to 10 frames per second. Built-in Wi-Fi enables you to use the GoPro App to control the camera remotely, preview shots and share your favorites on Facebook, Twitter and more. Compatible with all GoPro mounts, you can wear it or attach it to your gear for immersive POV footage of your favorite activities. It’s waterproof to 131’ (40m) and built tough for all of life’s adventures. Combined with stunning low-light performance, high-performance audio and an ultra wide-angle glass lens, HERO3+ Silver makes capturing and sharing your life easier than ever.

Thomas Nelson Book Bundle ($90 value):

To enter, use the Rafflecopter below. Giveaway dates: January 12, 2015 @12:00am ET through January 28, 2015 @ 11:59pm ET

Terms and Conditions: This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only. Void where prohibited by law. Must be at least 18 years of age. This giveaway is in no away associated with Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or Amazon. No purchase necessary for entry. Odds are determined by the number of entries. Selected winner will have 48 hours to respond to email notification to claim their prize or another winner will be drawn.
a Rafflecopter giveaway

God's Word gives us a better way to parent, one that builds strong internal motivation in children. When parents change the way they parent, kids change the way they live.Motivate Your Child is a practical book that explores a theology of internal motivation and then gives parents real-life solutions to equip their kids for life.

This is the newest book by parenting experts, Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN from the National Center for Biblical Parenting (NCBP), also authors of The Christian Parenting Handbook.

In order to motivate parents to Pre-Order the book, the NCBP is offering a $150 package of resources for FREE! There are video, audio and print items that can be used on a variety of devices. You can learn more on the Book Website.

INSTRUCTIONS: Purchase the book. Email the receipt to gift@biblicalparenting.org. The NCBP will send you the link and a special code to access these downloadable products. This offer is good until January 31, 2015.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

So, at the risk of being vulnerable, I'm going to be transparent and tell you all what's on my mind. Those closest to me know that I have a history of experiencing post-partum depression after having a baby. The first two times were gradual and different from the third and I've had general depression at other times in my life. After my 3rd baby, ppd hit suddenly at 5-1/2 months. I couldn't stop crying, didn't want to hold or feed my baby (though I did anyway) and wanted life to be like it was a few days before. I was thankful for that 5-1/2 months and wanted it back. I hope to soon be sharing with you, more intimately, about my walk through those dark days.

Well, my baby is 5-1/2 months. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, wondering, waiting to see if it will hit again or if this time will be different. I won't know until it hits or until my baby is 18 months old, which is when the research indicates a woman's hormones have leveled out.

I'm so thankful that I've been well and enjoyed this time with Micah. While I hate that I have ppd in my past, and maybe future, I'm thankful that I've been able to talk about it and even relate to others going through it. God comforts us in times of trouble so that we can then comfort others with the same comfort He gave us. While I can honestly say I didn't feel like He was comforting me when I was experiencing ppd, in hindsight I see how He was with me and the people He used to help me. My husband is more than awesome and a woman in church was very encouraging. My friend, Karen's, honesty with her simple words, "I'm sorry I don't know what to say or how to help you feel better" told me she cared.

Sometimes it's the little things and sometimes it's the big things that make a difference. We simply don't know how our actions or words or body language may impact someone going through a hard time. I was going to ask for prayer that I keep having good days, but then I realized that none of us knows if tomorrow is going to be a hard day. How about we just pray for each other, being kind with our words and actions towards one another? And if you know someone is going through a rough patch, love them through it even when it's hard.

Whether exercising random acts of kindness or smiling while holding the door open for someone, you can make a difference every day. How do you plan to make a difference?

Monday, December 8, 2014

Everyone has an opinion on parenting and everyone has an opinion they are eager to share, sometimes leaving others feeling inadequate or incapable of parenting their children. Every parent, at some point, questions if they are handling a situation "the right way." Am I wrong? Are you included, here?

The pressure we face to raise Godly children who express Jesus' love to others and who are compassionate and obedient. Ah, there's that word that we all seem to emphasize so much: obedient. Do your children obey all the time? Do you want them to? Do you find a hard balance between them being obedient and having their own personality? Did I strike a nerve, just by mentioning the word obedience? Do you wonder if you had a better relationship with your children, would they be more obedient?

Parenting is hard stuff. In fact, having been a full-time college student while working full-time, climbing the corporate ladder, and planning my wedding for the day after college graduation, I would go so far as to say that parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also the longest-running job I've ever had. Being in charge of other people and thinking I'm responsible for their behavior is even harder. How about you? Are you with me on this?

Enter Dr. James D. Dempsey and his book Parenting UnChained: Overcoming the Ten Deceptions that Shackle Christian Parents, published by National Center of Biblical Parenting. Now, I am sure there are more than 10 deceptions that shackle Christian parents, but this sure is a good start to guide parents through breaking those chains with which Satan grips us. We often don't even realize we've been shackled until we find ourselves struggling. After all, I'll say it again, parenting is hard. "Parenting UnChained helps you keep the most important principles of parenting in mind while avoiding Satan's traps." (page 13)

However, by breaking those chains, it doesn't have to be as hard. We have to realize we've believed lies and understand how to combat those with lies with truth. We have to look at the relationships we have that influence our parenting and realize that the only opinion that really matters is God's; the most important relationship to mimic to and with our children is our relationship with Jesus. Dempsey walks us through this process. Many chapters include activities and suggestions to introspectively examine the reader's heart, helping the us to combat the lies and overcome the deceptions we've believed so we can apply biblical truth to our marriages and parenting and grow our children with a more firm foundation of faith. Some of the areas of emphasis are re-building relationships, understanding we don't have to do it all or all by ourselves, focusing on the heart first and then obedience, modeling the attributes of God and building the character of our children, using effective discipline that evolves as our children grows, talking openly about or faith, helping our children determine their goals and direction for life, and how to overcome the challenges of life.

Initially, Dempsey gives a background of himself, in the early days of his marriage, to give the reader a glimpse of how he came to recognize the deceptions that he outlines in Parenting UnChained. Then he describes how our experiences and relationships shape us and influence our relationships with our children and how to adjust them, if necessary. He discusses how obedience flows from the parent/child relationship and the impact of discipline on obedience. As the book goes on, in chapter 14, Dempsey uses Jesus as the model and breaks down characteristics, personal skills, and general habits of Jesus for parents to model. I don't know about you, but I could read this chapter over and over again to solidify these qualities in myself. Towards the end of the book, Dempsey brings us through how parents need to adapt as their children grow older and more mature. "Consistency" is drilled into us by society, but it's another deception. As our children mature, we need to be letting go of how tightly we parent them, preparing them for the freedom of adulthood and trusting them to make choices based on the firm foundation that we have helped them form, being adaptable as our children grow and their behaviors and needs change.

Dempsey doesn't claim to be a know-it-all on the subject of Christian parenting. He includes recommendations for a few additional books that are also helpful resources for parents, but reminds us to not read so many parenting books that we become confused or lose sight of where our focus should be. I appreciate this because there may be areas of our parenting where we may need more encouragement or modification in our character development, maybe we still have some challenges from our past that negatively influence our parenting or our relationship with our children. The resources he provides can be helpful. He doesn't just leave us hanging at the end of the book,as if it were the perfect resource. Obviously, he points us to the Bible throughout Parenting UnChained.

With every chapter, I found myself thinking how helpful the information was. The biblical references and examples were so clearly influential within the context of parenting that I don't know how I missed some of it in general bible reading. (Sometimes I need things spelled out, I guess, or given clearly in a context of application.)

I think Parenting UnChained would be beneficial for any Christian parent to keep available. Reading it during the toddler years will yield some benefit and re-reading again during the grade school, junior high and then high school years would be a great refresher because sometimes we, as parents, get into a rut. This is not a book to read and pass on to someone else. Keep it and read it again in a few years. It would also be a great asset for those providing biblical family counseling for parents and for church libraries.

You can purchase it here on Amazon. It's available in paperback or on Kindle.From 12/8/14-12/12/14 you can purchase the Kindle version for 99-cents! Even if you don't have a Kindle, you can still read it through the free Kindle app for computers or devices.

For more information about Dr. James Dempsey or Parenting UnChained, visit D6Culture.com.

Disclaimer: I received Parenting UnChained for free in exchange for my honest opinion. Receiving it free did not influence my opinion of this book and I did not receive any compensation in exchange for my opinion.This post contains affiliate links, for which I may receive a percentage of your purchase if you purchase through clicking my links.

Follow by Email

About Me

We are a homeschooling family and I started blogging during a chick-hatching project. Now I've expanded to include some of our homeschooling journey, the fun and quirky things kids say and do, raising kids on opposite ends of Sensory Processing Disorder, and just sharing a bit of everyday life.

So glad you came to visit!

My 4 children keep me on my toes! Here, I am happy to share some of those amusing, and sometimes humorously stressful, moments with you. If you would like to visit the blog that inspired this one, hop on over to my home-schooling blog where I chronicled our chick-hatching project from 2008 and the highlights of one of my daughters taking apart the cash register at Wal-mart. (I elaborated on that experience here after some time went by and I was better able to laugh about it.)

I hope a glimpse into our lives helps bring you a laugh - either with us or at us, maybe even at your own life. Enjoy!

Disclaimer

Sometimes I receive products in exchange for my honest review and promotion. No other compensation is received for those products and all opinions are my own. I may include affiliate links in my blog for services or products that I receive a commission from orders placed through those links. I am disclosing this in accordance with FTC Guidelines.

The owner of this blog (Kymberlie) is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.