Blurb of a heart

To be honest, I could literally write a whole novel on self undermining, cause my whole life I did that. And I didn’t even know I was my own enemy for a veeery long time. But, hey, when you are oblivious, it’s kind of ok (or at least you think it is). The big issues being when your awareness gets to the level when you realise you self-inflict pain, doubts and garbage in your own little mind – and you cannot stop it.

And just when I thought I overcame my limits, new challenges arise. It is incredible how attached we become to our stuff, our life as it was and how uncomfortable a simple change, like quitting an apartment, becomes. So this is a post to let you know that, yes, when it comes to change, no matter how big or how small…. IT IS OK to be afraid and feel uncomfortable.

Everything happens so fast! I close my eyes and try to connect with my thoughts and keep calm. If I die in this flight, will I die happy? I kept on asking myself while everyone around seems to lose it. As in a dream, I hear the yelling from the passengers around and I can clearly feel through my skin the fear in the air. We literally jump from our chairs and my thoughts start turning faster and faster, like time is compressing…. and few lessons start emerging.

In the English dictionary, patience is defined as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious”. In real life…. patience is that thing that brings things to fruition. But, as with everything in life, there is always a thin line between being stubborn and not patient enough, giving up too soon and continuing on a path that doesn’t feel good. So here comes the big question: how can I strike the balance?

About four years ago, caught at the intersection of two complicated stories, in a gesture of desperation, I escaped my Brussels reality and went to Athens. It proved to be the perfect destination for my first solo travelling experience (it was 2014) and exactly what I needed for my mental state. Since then, life continues to bring me back to this place every once in a while, I am currently in my 5th trip to the Greek capital.

Six months ago, I embarked into one of the most thrilling experiences of my life. I dropped the Eurocrat badge and decided to radically change the way I live. From a European public servant, I became a jobless individual, looking for something meaningful.

Late at night, when the whole world is sleeping, I just love getting lost, once in a while, in the universe of children’s books. Reading the same lines with the eye of an adult is an amazing experience: simple words, big life lessons. Some of the lessons are simply mind-blowing. Never cease to dream, never stop learning, never forget the feeling you had as a child, when you thought everything is possible!!!

Whatever you plan to change, one thing is certain: it is a freaking big struggle. You got a vision, you got a dream, but each and every cell in your being is set to do things in a certain way; your logic is set to tell you the opposite than your guts. So what happens when you break the pattern? What happens when you have a breakthrough and you finally take that decision that might actually change your life?