Hello, everyone. I am looking for feedback on my newest SCP draft. This is my first attempt at an SCP that utilizes journal entries in its storytelling, so I'm unsure if I've successfully captured the tone/writing style of a journal entry, or if I've successfully kept it engaging.

I'm also not sure if I provided enough information to piece together what’s happening, or if I provided too much information, so for ease of understanding I’ve provided an explanation inside the addendum below. I would recommend reading the draft first, and then reading the explanation to see how much of it was apparent in the article.

It all started in a parallel universe not unlike our own (SCP-XXXX-1), but with some important differences. Firstly, the Cold War erupted into a full fledged war between the US and Russia. Secondly, anomalous weaponry was utilized by both sides in the war. This war resulted in humanity being wiped out on Earth, leaving nothing but rubble and various spatial anomalies and other fractures in reality (such as the ripples).

It just so happens that two young lovers were at ground zero of a particularly large anomalous bomb detonation. Some combination of their love and the anomalous properties of the bomb sent their superheated and fused remains into our universe (where they were designated SCP-XXXX). The spirits of the lovers still remain in some form, and they desire to live the life together that they were deprived. They try to do this by sending people back to SCP-XXXX-1 and living through them (not full on possessing, just kind of chilling in the passenger seat and making sure their hosts don’t get too freaked out by the situation). This normally doesn’t work out, since the hosts die from dehydration a few days in, but D-7721 and Margaret manage to survive an entire lifetime in SCP-XXXX-1, thus fulfilling the lovers’ goal. Having lived the life they desired, the lovers are ready to pass on, and SCP-XXXX becomes neutralized.

Let me know what you think regarding my concerns or anything else. Thank you in advance!

Due to the cessation of anomalous properties, no further testing of SCP-XXXX is warranted

Hmmm. It can go either way, but I would personally add “its” after ‘cessation of’. And I don’t like ‘warranted’. Maybe rephrase the last half to ‘testing of SCP-XXXX is no longer a priority” or something like that?

+ View Obsolete Containment Procedures

That “view” is unnecessary, imo.

secondary subjects are to be amnestatized

I think it’s “amnesticized”

secondary subjects are to be autopsied and eliminated through standard cadaver disposal procedures.

I would say that last half is honestly too clinical. I would maybe just say autopsied and disposed of accordingly” or something like that.

Any human (designated the primary subject)

I would add a “henceforth” before designated.

Both subjects returned heavily aged and deceased. Clothing and other materials attached to the subjects were heavily burned, but the subjects were unscathed. Autopsies failed to identify a cause of death.

You used “heavily” twice here. Too many of them. Pick a different word.
I would also add maybe a “themselves” before unscathed.
“Autopsied failed to identify a cause of death” is also awkward. I would reword that, too. (and I am guessing you meant ‘autopsies’ not ‘autopsied’. Maybe something as simple as “Cause of death not determined”. Up to you. I would reword it, though.

If one of you burocrats

‘Bureaucrats’ . But it’s also a diary so it doesn’t have to be spelled perfect. Up to you.
….as I read on I saw him crossing out words and now that I’ve read your explanation, it all makes sense. His writing style changed, so that accounts for the spirits of the skeleton taking over.

I don’t really understand why the skeleton lover ghosties would compel them to march onward if all they wanted was to experience the romance they were deprived of in life? Did I miss
something? Is it because they just wanted to die, finally?

And one more tiny question—how does the passage of time work in skeleton land compared to our land? Does it go faster, or slower in there?

Regarding your first question, the lovers only compelled them to travel to ground zero at the very end of the whole ordeal, when the D-class and Margaret were old and the lovers were ready to move on. It seemed only fitting that they would accept their death in the same location where it was initially forced upon them. I'll try to add something in to make that clearer. Let me know if you have any ideas.

Also, SCP-XXXX-1 time and normal world time move at pretty much the same rate. If you look at the initiation date and conclusion date, you'll see that the D-class and Margaret were missing from the normal world for 56 years. If you assume that they were young adults at the time of initial displacement, that adds up to an around an average lifespan.

And yes, I spelled bureaucrats wrong intentionally. It seemed more in line with his character that way.