Saturday, September 5, 2009

Purified ...

I was standing in a very long line, waiting to rent some movies, when two college-aged guys came spilling into Blockbuster, tripping over each other and bubbling with giggles. They busted to the front of the line and asked the girl at the register if she could tell them if they had a few movies in stock.

She looked at the line. Looked at the guys. Hemmed, hawed, and finally said okay.

"Do you have 'PURPLE RAIN!?'" the skinnier, more annoying one asked. His words were like bubbles of acne bursting out of his pubescent face. "I'm not sure we have that anymore ..." she said, typing it into her computer. "ANYMORE!" he screamed. This was hilarious. Watching a movie from 1984! Oh. My. God. Life is good. "No ..." she said, staring at the screen. "Oh, wait. We have it for sale in the previously-viewed movies section.""How much?" the kid asked. "Um ... $3.99," she said.

And that's when the sky opened and a marching band fell through, playing something quirky and victorious.

The two bumbled through the store like they were in a three-legged race. From various pockets of the store, Pimply's mantra would be repeated: I'll BUY "Purple Rain!"

I rolled my eyes at the woman in front of me. Then I imagined a sign similar to that behind bars: You must have been born on this date in 19xx or before to rent the movie Purple Rain. (Wherein xx= < 80.)

The whole thing seemed like a kind of lack of respect. I wanted to go all sharp pointy finger on these idiots and say: "Listen, Shitlets. You don't see me desecrating Anime, or whatever the hell it is you geeks hold sacred from your teen years, do you? What's next? You gonna ironically adopt a Cabbage Patch Kid?"

I fumed a solid six minutes.

"I don't think you should let those guys buy Purple Rain," I said when it was my turn at the register. "They don't understand it. ... They can't handle it.""They won't be able to find it, anyway," the girl assured me. "It's a mess over there.""Still," I said. "What a shame.""You want me to confiscate it if I see it?" she asked.