They Always Come Back

7400 Block of NE 4th Court

Police were dispatched to a business after an alarm had been set off. They found the front door open and its lock obviously picked. The K-9 unit responded, sniffed away, and cleared the building, finding no evidence of anyone being inside. There is no video surveillance of entry, and no witnesses. This is the second time this week that this business was burglarized, but very strangely, nothing was taken and nothing was damaged. This joy ride will continue.

Ninja Attack

700 Block of NE 29th Street

Tenant was leaving his apartment and thought something was amiss -- and it was. He looked up and saw suspect No. 1 on his balcony, and suspect No. 2 right below. There was another man in the parking lot screaming to both of them. Tenant was understandably frazzled, and more so when the suspect on the highest balcony began balcony diving downward, as did the second fellow. All three men then got into a waiting four-door car. This happened so quickly -- they entered via the sliding glass door and ransacked the apartment, then left, never to be seen again.

Draining the Beauty

6300 Block of NE 2nd Avenue

At one of our wonderful parks that encapsulate the natural splendor of our city, a mystery thief had his way well after dark. The park is patrolled by park rangers, but likely not at night, as it closes at ten. Sometime overnight, a person cut a hole through a wire fence and entered. He damaged, stole, and stripped copper wires from the entire park. The electricity was disconnected and the meter room door locks were damaged. A large bolt cutter was found on the scene. It was an ugly scene that played out apparently without a single witness.

More Electrical Vandals

4500 Block of N. Miami Avenue

On his way home from work, our horrified victim found a scene similar to a war zone. Windows of his house were shattered, an FPL box destroyed, window AC units were missing, door locks and chain damaged, and personal items were left outside. It’s doubtful that this occurred as a result of a sonic boom, as no one else’s home suffered the same fate. The fact that this happened in broad daylight is disconcerting, and there are no leads.

The Known Unknown

300 Block of NE 80th Terrace

After securing his apartment for the night, this tenant left and returned the next morning at six. Everything was fine and he even had breakfast before falling asleep. However, when he woke up, he found out he wasn’t alone during his nap. His wallet and laptop were missing. There’s no sign of forced entry, and victim told cops an unknown person has a key to his apartment and entered. We guess the unknown is an ex-girlfriend and it ended badly, but not badly enough that he’ll rat on her. There may still be a chance.

À La Carte Thievery

5200 NE 5th Ave.

Our criminals sometimes just need to take what is immediately available to them, whether they had a prior stakeout or not. Offenders in this incident entered the property and took a boat motor (perhaps for their own overpriced boat) and a lawn mower. These leisure-class thefts were followed by a break-in to the car, windows broken, glass all over the seats. The thieves did not steal the car, but they took the sunglasses and a tire inflator, which is a very practical item to have. And who doesn’t like sunglasses in Miami? Victim has no idea who could have committed this act.

Brazen Victim Takes No Crap

1000 Block of NE 81st Street

It’s always nice when victims become the stalkers. In this scenario, a man appeared in his own backyard. His neighbor and his wife had clued him in. He banged on window to startle the intruder but was ignored, but then the suspect went for the victim’s scooter. Our victim ran out, armed with a machete, which caused the perp to run as the victim gave chase. As he got close, the suspect pulled something out of his pocket, but the victim took his machete and knocked it out of his hand, and then tackled him as his wife called police. The man did get away, but police were able to nab him a short time later after a positive ID by the victim. Don’t mess with this victim ever again, folks.

Boulevard Motel Shenanigans

7700 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

This hotel guest frequently misplaces her room key, on almost a daily basis. When coming back to her room, she found it ransacked and burglarized. She called police, and during their investigation, victim became upset and started to scream at another motel guest. She yelled, “When I find out who did this, I am going to shoot bullet holes in them!” She did this in front of police. That other guest was given a case card after she ran back to her own room. The unstable victim was not arrested, but the constantly lost key card needs to be placed somewhere...where she cannot lose it. It’s Biscayne Boulevard, so nothing’s abnormal.

Miami Gothic

600 Block of NE 67th Street

Man was staying at a rooming house and had had no issues since he moved in there. But on this day, he found the windows to his room obliterated, and blood all over the walls and on his bed, like in a Martin Scorsese film. With this bloody scene, he found his Google Chromebook missing. Why he’d leave it exposed in a rooming house is a comment on naivete, or perhaps he is just a talented imbecile. The blood led to the homicide department being notified.

Some Don’t Appreciate the Finer Things.

800 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

If you rent out an apartment, furnished or not, perhaps you should remove those valuable knickknacks that class up the place. This tenant stopped paying rent for three months, which demonstrates a kindly landlord or one who hates confrontation. At any rate, he didn’t start the eviction proceedings until then. What he found upon entry (tenant advised he was out of the country) were boxes of items. Electricity was off, but a giant heavy sculpture was now in little pieces in a box, as if it had been dropped, maybe by a moving company, as it weighed hundreds of pounds. There is no piecing this together.

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