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Online dating. It is said to be daunting, humorous, and most of all, scary. Many of us have been there. I have written many times about men who write such hard to believe drivel, and want my email or phone number so we can learn about each other. Happens all of the time. There are constant warnings about meeting in private, making sure you meet in a public place, not sharing your address and phone numbers immediately, and so much more. Pictures are important, but, as I, and I am sure many others have experienced, they don’t always match the person you meet. I remember meeting someone, who, when we chatted and I saw his profile pictures, was a good-looking man. I met him, in a public restaurant, and it turned out he not only used his friend’s photo, but he lied about his age as well.

This Washington Post article talks about the dangers of meeting people from online sites. This particular incident discussed, which sadly includes murder, was an ad placed on Craigslist. But, as we all know, the dating site most likely does not matter. There are predators and crazies lurking anywhere.

This article tells you to think like a cop. Be wary, don’t be so trusting right away. Is he or she legit? Are they really who they say they are?

This gentleman was a married man, looking for a man to have a secret sexual encounter. Instead, he got a woman who robbed and stabbed him to death in a hotel room. A sad story, but hopefully, a wakeup call for many who thinks it will only happen to someone else. A cautionary tale to be aware of when chatting online and preparing to meet for that first date. The only scary part should be whether you like him or her and whether there could be a second date.

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I have an attitude. This is not new for me. I always have an attitude. Sometimes it is a good attitude, positive, and optimistic. Sometimes, it is quite the opposite. Dare I say negative and pessimistic? It’s true. Lately I can’t help it and don’t want to try to turn it around. I feel like a petulant teenager that walks around with an attitude. Oh, well, I was one at some point. My mother used to use some Yiddish expression to tell me I was in a mood. Didn’t matter what language was used, I knew that!

But now at least I can admit that. When I was a teen, you could not tell me I had attitude, because it would make it worse. Actually the same thing happens now. I hate when people say CALM DOWN. I know I need to calm down but it doesn’t happen by snapping your fingers. Now I send myself to my room. Or to my cabinet to get a wine glass.

Not that I would not turn it if I could, but I realized I can’t. Not now. Not for the lack of trying. But sometimes it lingers and sticks to your skin, and is really hard to shake off.

I have not blogged much recently, mainly because of my attitude not being in the positive column. Part of it is from the dating experience, and part is just life being difficult. I could whine about all that is happening in my life, and probably will in a moment. And yes, it is all relative. Things that will turn around and get better, I am just not sure when. Nothing catastrophic, though at the time it seems that it is.

Let’s start with my house. I have a townhouse that has water damage. Let me put it simply. 8 months fighting with my insurance company, delay in starting work because of that. Need siding replaced and deck replaced and inside damage as well. This began in July. Now it is March and the 12 inches of snow has finally melted away from my backyard, so MAYBE the outside work can begin. It has been 6 weeks waiting for my new glass door to come in so it can be installed. We seem to have the domino effect working for us. Cant do this, because of A. Can’t get B and C done until A is squared away. My patience is gone. Being from NY I want things done yesterday. I don’t wait well. So 8 months has been brutal for me. Had to move out of my house for 5 weeks so the floors and drywall could get done. I am back home and hopefully things can progress. Whew, I feel better already. The people at work have been great listening to me bitch and moan for 8 months, They are probably equally ready for my house to be done too.

Then we have the dating scene. Or lack thereof. Men can tell when you have an attitude. I can tell when I have attitude and no one seems right to me. To add to my distress, I have received no less than 20 fake user emails on OKC in the last 2 weeks. The writing is similar and then the accounts are deleted. And of course, this is not new. I have written previous posts with examples of BS flowing on the page. But they keep coming.

Just a few examples:

1.

HIM-“i live in New york and i am looking for someone who will love and care about me for a long time”

ME- sorry not what i asked. ( I had asked what he does for a living)

HIM- but now i have come to new york now dear

he says again I live in NY and wants someone to love for a long time.

but I can’t help read it as, “I love you long time” . Either way, I responded with that isn’t what I asked, because I knew I wasn’t going to continue chatting. His answer -“now I have come to NY DEAR.” (UGH)

2.Italian but based in USA. I deal on antiques which takes me to places cos it’s a mobile job. I am a potential optimist and love to make findings and knowing new things.

3.well am new here and not sure will get on here often but I wish to have a sincere friendship and keep my new good friends in touch forever that is why I want us to get in touch by exchanging dial digits.

4.You know I was going through when I got charmed by the pretty looks in your eyes and i thought it’s wise to say hi.

You have a lovely smile on your face, that really attracted me the most and I nearly lost my breath looking deep into your eyes. I like your hair style a lot and i am just sitting here wondering what a beautiful angel like you is doing on here. Anyway we are looking and it will be my pleasure to start a conversation with a beautiful lady like you. I don’t know much about you. I will be glad to get to know each other.

appreciate and admire your intensity hope to hear from you soon Thank you very much for taking you to read

5.How are you doing on this blissful day!!…I was surfing on here and got the glimpse of your meaningful profile and with your beautiful pic caught my attention to read more.. I would like to know more about you and see where this could lead us both to…..Any way I know I is not the correct thing to give out my email but any way we can still try it out XXXXXX79@gmail.com shear more later if you like

6.Your profile really caught my interest and I have been looking and would like to know more things about you. It never hurts to try something new although it’s a just a day to the end of my subscription on this website..

How can I help but have attitude? I think I need to get in a new and improved frame of mind for anything to change. The house is moving along slowly, but moving along. I’ll get over this hurdle and move on to the next. See. Attitude changing already.

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I thought I was watching a Lifetime movie. Or maybe an afternoon soap opera. It started off “normal” Well I have said that before, haven’t I? Nothing too out of the ordinary . It is just that when you start with “Hello. How are you?”, you wouldn’t think it was going to go south so quickly.

So in response to How are you , I mentioned I was at work and was drinking coffee. Noncommittal, but informative. He said he too was at work and had just gotten done supervising.

My eyebrow went up, and I responded with , “What does that mean exactly?” There are so many ways to say what I thought he could be aiming at , if he was legitimate at all.

He says he is an engineer and is a supervisor at work. Okay. I can deal with that, though my BS sensors were on alert.

Then, when I asked in what, he says an oil rig company where they drill for oil and gas. Now that is clear. And he was in Pennsylvania so I questioned the fact that I was unaware that there were oil rigs/companies in that state.

His response was, “and what do you do?”

I answered and he says “how long have you been single.?” No, not related to my profession but we are moving on. He says, he has been single for 8 years and it is not easy to be without a partner. I say I have been single for over 20 years and his answer is the following:

Him: “i know but what if you meet a man you like so much. will you accept him?”

Me: “Sure that is why I joined a dating site. To date and see what happens.”

Him: “will it be too early if i I say we should both start something and probably spend the rest of our life together if it works .”

Me: in a somewhat state of alarm keeping my cool, “I think so . Since we have messaged for minutes and know nothing about each other . And live in different states . Right?”

Him: ” I know but if we just have to open our heart first to receive each other and then we can know ourselves better. we live in different states but if the love grows stronger that will no longer be a problem because distance is nothing but a measurement of the earth “

See, now he has lost me. I am not thinking how sweet is that, i am thinking , “ARE YOU KIDDING ME”?

Me: somewhat calmly, “ that is too deep. I just want to date . This doesn’t even sound real. You don’t even know me.”

Him: “you do not understand me I mean we should take out time to know ourselves before we can start something serious .”

Sorry , I didn’t respond. I’m thinking I already know myself. I couldn’t prolong it any longer. I’ll say it again, go with your gut. Anyone who does not know me, has never met me, and knows nothing about me, should not be talking about sending the rest of our lives together.

Now we move on to the next evening when I received a message from a guy who again fooled me into thinking he was normal. Yes I know we haven’t defined normal, but believe me, the ensuing conversation was not “my normal.”

He began with “how are you. I like your look,” and soon wanted to know if we could text. I usually say no, and for some reason my gut was taking a nap, and I said OK.

One text in, he asked me if I wanted to receive a shirtless picture. No I said. I do not. Is that why you want to text?, I asked. He did not respond to that part of the question.

He tells me he just finished working out. I said home or at a gym? He says home but then says, Do you want a shirtless picture of me? I have pictures that i can send.”

I explained I do not want to receive pictures . And then he sends me the shirtless picture anyway! He quickly says ,”it is harmless you can’t see anything else.” But, it was clear in the pictures there were no pants involved . He says “ well I show this picture to gay guys and they love it. Especially my ass.” Now you have my attention. WHAT? I can’t let that go without explanation because I already know I am never meeting this guy.

“Do you mean at the gym,” I asked.

“Sure,” he says. “and other times too. And the whole picture, not just the shirtless part.”

Then he proceeded to tell me that he realizes he must be an exhibitionist because he loves the reaction the gay guys give him when they see his pictures. And that it really gets him excited. Exhibitionist? Not the word that came to my mind.

I am wondering only in pictures and he clarified that for me without having to ask. He explained, “I have gone into the hot tub with them and played a little, though I think I wouldn’t do anything more.” I didn’t ask what played meant but I did point out that when you say THINK, you have not ruled it out. And in tribute to Seinfeld” not that there is anything wrong with that,” but I pointed out that I am not curious, haven’t ever been and won’t be! I wouldn’t have bothered to mention this, but he kept saying, ”I love women and I really want to know you better. I PROBABLY will not do this anymore, anytime soon.” One last time I had to point out that “think” and “probably” pretty much mean he will do whatever when the mood strikes him. Decided it was time for me to tell him, Adios, and I am not comfortable and good luck!. He tried one more time but I was clear. And for more clarification, his photos, even on the dating site had a phone in front of his face. I did ask him if he had one without the phone and he sent it. That sealed the deal and I knew why he covered his face all of the time in his photos. I imagine the guys at his gym were too enthralled with his ass to get to his face.

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I want to know why someone starts a conversation with me, I assume it is “normal”, and it goes south, almost immediately. Mid fifties, good job, lives about an hour from me. Started off with regular chatter. By the third sentence he is asking what position I like. I said, “hey rather not have this conversation.”

He apologizes for being so crude. The next day started off with a friendly good morning message. I respond briefly, since I am at work. He then asks if I like weekend getaways and when was the last time I was with a man? What? I said,” I guess you don’t mean out for a drink? “

He laughs and says, “I am going on a business trip and will be back Wed. Do you like to be on top?”

Somewhere I missed the segue! There is nothing matching this question and answer period . Again, I point out that I am not getting into this conversation since we were only trying to set up a meeting, which I was quickly re-thinking. He goes on his trip, probably thinking of more out of context questions. He messages me while he is gone and said, “I like you. I think we will get along. “ Returns from his travels , now he is back in town and messages me with, “how are you? want to come to my house for dinner?”

“Gee thanks for the offer, but no. Haven’t even met yet. “

“Ok” he replied, “I understand. You will love my kisses.” Another leap.

Step back buddy. then he starts with his preferences, of what he likes and doesn’t in a partner. . so I said,” hey, lets not go there now. IF we ever meet,” which again, I was rapidly second guessing, “we can have other conversations.”…maybe.

Get ready to leap. “ok what size shoe do you wear? “

Now I know I missed that train that just went by. But of course, I had to answer at this point.

“8 ½ why?”

“Curious”, he says. Without wondering why he is curious as to my shoe size and not my bra size, as most men want to know, I joked and said ,”and what size are you? haha”

Immediately the response is, “I am a 9, so if you are looking for a large man I am not your guy. See me naked and you will sing, ‘it’s a small world.’ “

I was glad this was only messages, because I just burst out laughing.

I said to him, “ How does one answer that. What woman doesn’t like a large man ?”I wrote back to him. “Haha” again, keeping it light.

His response, “ so you only like large men?” I decided not to answer that, but apparently, he took my haha as of course!

I said, ” one needs to be attracted to someone and like them, and then see what happens. If this is what you are looking for I am not your man! (taking his sentence, threw a little humor in it to lighten the load) I told him, “ from sentence 2, you were only talking about sex. “

He says, “I want a friend and a lover. “

“Granted, I get that” I said . “ That could be acceptable, but one needs to see if there is an attraction because we still haven’t met.” Boy, I was getting tired of saying that line.

Yes I saw his picture, and we weren’t talking George Clooney., but I was going to be open minded.

Then he finally says, I dated a woman for 2 months and we finally had sex and I wasn’t large enough.”

Well here we are. No wonder. He was traumatized and probably felt he needed to lay it all out up front before I sang ‘Its a Small World.’

I told him I agree it was hurtful what the lady said to him, and one has to see if one is attracted to someone, without worrying about shoe size. I believe he did not like my somewhat ,not gushing ,”I cant wait to meet you,” response. And I didn’t meet him. Lots of reasons which aren’t hard to figure out. And not just shoe size.

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We have all been on dates that are painful, and seem like they may never end. And then there are the dates that you think, wow, this guy has potential. He treats you nicely, he has manners etc.

Here is an article that gives you some tips that maybe this guy you are out with, could actually be a keeper. Or at least someone you may want to continue seeing and see where it goes, Hey, it could happen. Think positive. I do try that on occasion.

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Here is a conversation that took place with someone I actually had gone out with a few times. We had a decent time together. Good conversation, a bit boring at times, but enough where we went out more than once. We met for a drink a couple of times and then this phone call.

He: “Would you like to go out? “

Me: “Sure. When and what did you have in mind?”

He: “ Oh i dont know . I can come over.”

Me: “I thought you meant go out.”

He: “Oh we can just watch a movie at your place.”

Translation: I want to come over and we will have sex.

Second attempt, about a week later

He: “Well, what are you doing this weekend? Lets get together.”

Me: “What did you want to do ?”

He. “Hmmm maybe I can come over.”

Translation: I want to come over and we will have sex

Third attempt. a few weeks later

He:” I cant wait to see you. ”

Me: “Actually, I am not feeling well. I think I am getting a cold.”

He: “Oh you don’t feel well? Don’t worry I can take care of you”. “wink wink.”

Translation: I can come over and we will have sex.

Few days later

He: “I thought I would come over.”

Me: “Well I dont know. Lets go do something.”

He: “ Oh come on. Havent seen you in weeks.”

Me: “Lets meet up somewhere.”

He: “Oh , do you have wine?”

Translation: I could always come over and we can have sex.

He: “But if you dont , that is ok.”

Translation: We don’t need wine to have sex.

There are times persistence pays off. Then there are the times where it does not.

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I chatted with a guy, in his early fifties. Flattering conversation. Well of course it would be, I mean, you are not going to say things that are unflattering. We start with some preliminaries. What do I do, and then I ask what he does. He says he has a business and that he mainly works as a massage therapist. HMMMM Okay, I won’t question…yet. We talk a few times and I agree to meet for coffee. Perfect gentleman, got my coffee, found a nice table outside to enjoy the weather. He was dressed quite casually, gym shorts and a t-shirt, but explained he was going to a client after he and I had our meet and greet. I was casual also, but maybe not as casual. No problem. It was coffee. Conversation went well and we talked about an hour and a half. I decided after a bit, to ask about his work. “Do you have your own office space where your business is, or do you work with someone else?”

He smiled , a little evil grin spread across his face. “Oh, I work all over the area,” he said. “I go to people’s homes and I set up there.” OK I have heard of this before, but yet I was feeling like there was more. Well, because there was!

He begins to explain that he will go to individual homes and give massages. and I quote, “from top to bottom”. I couldn’t let that statement slide, so hesitantly, I asked, “what exactly do you mean?” He said, quite seriously, “I will massage any or all parts. And pretty much anything else they ask for.”

This got my attention. I assume it is all women, though I should not really assume anything! “Yes, it is all women and I have a lot of repeat customers.”

I’m thinking, I bet you do. He then explains that he is really good at what he does. So I had to ask, really why shouldn’t I, “Are you dressed when you do this?”

“Only if they want me to be,” he says. Now he really has my attention. Turns out he will be happy to disrobe, if it is requested, and it seems that it is requested quite often. “So, technically,” I ask, “you give massages with happy endings?”

“Oh we never have sex.” Said with a very straight face and serious tone. “They can only touch me.”

“But you are naked?”

“If they want me to be.”

“Are they?”

“Well of course. They are getting a massage.”

DUH

“Maybe i can set one up for you,” evil grin with a somewhat serious tone. Honestly I have never had a massage. Don’t know why, but never really desired one, though I know it would be good for stress relief. But I also knew this was not going to happen. We then continue the conversation just about what would be considered mundane topics at this point. Somehow we wander back to the massage conversation, again DUH, and I ask, “How did you get into this?”

Straight faced and quite proud, he says, “I used to do soft porn. You can look me up online.”

Yes, of course I did later on when I got home. Just because I didn’t want a massage, didn’t mean I couldn’t peek. You know you would have too.. Did I get my massage? …NO. did not. Couldn’t bring myself to do it. But we chat occasionally, he sort of checks in to see if I have changed my mind, and to reassure me, the offer still stands whenever I am ready.