Pages

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Great Moments in Bachelor/ette History: The Mesnick Chin Tap

Tapioca Pudding.

Jason Mesnick had many memorable moments during his run as The Bachelor, such as: dumping his fiancee on live television, numerous weepings and introducing his son to various women who did NOT become his mother, but I will most remember Mezz for his signature "chin tap" when planting a kiss on every (and I mean EVERY) eligible bachelorette.

Very versatile, The Mezz can go righty or lefty.

I applaud The Mezz for sticking his tongue down so many women's throats and contracting what probably amounted to dozens of unidentified lip fungi, but where did he learn the chin tap?!?! It's not that The Mezzer did this once in a while, like when he felt a particular spark or was in the moment, but EVERY TIME he kissed a woman. It was almost instinctual (like popping a boner), that when a woman's lips would come near his, his hands would raise and he'd press his thumb into their chin as if he was screwing in a light bulb. Think about the ratings ABC would get if he ever planted one on Tom Brady! Or Chevy Chase!

Other Mesnick dream matchups:

Ashlee Simpson, with some blatant yammers by the way!

Claire Dizzle.

Wowzers!

This isn't Russia, is this Russia?

I'm guessing that The Mezzer probably learned the move from an old soccer buddy back in high school. High school dudes are always swapping secrets, like when my friend Danny once told me to play Counting Crows whenever I was ready to make a move. I tried it once and ended up cuddling with a chick for twelve straight hours. It was terrible. She later told me that the Crows took her out of the mood. Either that or the fact that I was trying to jam my thumb in her chin like a doorbell.

Although it could've been that I was also trying to press my boner into her leg like a harpoon (a move taught to me by EVERY SINGLE ONE of my high school soccer teammates).