Today's Britain: A Life Of (Petty) Crime

Some Rozzers await the deluge of people not putting the toilet seat down.

Almost two-thirds of Britons regularly commit petty crimes, according to a report, challenging the notion that the country is made up of a law-abiding, respectable majority.

A survey by researchers at Keele University found that 61 percent of people they questioned had committed one of a variety of crimes. Crimes unearthed include such heinous acts as public yawning, spitting at the homeless, sticking chewing gum on bus stops, and driving at speeds of up to 30mph in residential areas.

"It would appear Great Britain and her people have lost sight of all ethics and God-given morality." Said PC Bob Carolgees of West Bromwich Police Station, "Men and women of all age groups are happy to pay cash in hand to avoid taxation, purchase dodgy copies of films from gypsies at car boot sales in Cannock, and enter museums without handing in the suggested donation of a quid."

The most common of petty crimes is said to be insurance fraud. People are too often claiming fraudulently for non-existent injuries such as whiplash, carpal tunnel syndrome and "trouble down there."

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