I think one of the main problems we all have with social anxiety, and maybe the cause of it all (not sure) is that we see the world through others eyes. When have you actually stopped for a second and made your own decision instead of thinking what another person might think of you for making it. I think that most of us are all looking at ourselves through someone else's perspective. I can't remember the last time I was able to just do things because I wanted to do them. There is another post similar to this on this site, and the guy had a really good point about it. The way to go about things is to kill that 3rd person perspective. Only then can you find who you really are and live maybe a worry free life. It may not be the answer to all of our problems but I think it's definitely a step in the right direction.

You're totally right. It's like when you're worrying about talking on the phone to a salesman or saying something weird to a stranger at the supermarket, and when you tell people you know about it they say 'relax, you're never going to see them again'. How can I relax? That person could go home and tell all their friends what I did, and then they would all have a good laugh at my expense. I really care what that person thinks about me. I shouldn't because it doesn't affect my life at all but I do. But don't you think most people do that? I mean who does anything without thinking what it will do for them in relation to other people? Right?

I think a lot of people do, but with SA suffers we just take it to another level. Some people might think like that and can brush it off, with us it's not the same story though. We internalize everything we do and say. Really though, I think the whole SA thing is pretty ridiculous, you have to laugh at it sometimes there is really no real world consequences to our actions. It's all in our heads. I don't know but I'm starting to think all of these things like therapy and learning how to have self-esteem get pointless at times. I think the real secret might be in learning how to control our minds and condition ourselves to not think these thoughts. At least that's where I'm at right now.

I agree with you there, I do see myself "through other peoples eyes" and that's probably what causes this massive chaotic life that I'm living in. I think we all wish that killing that 3rd person perspective to live a worry-free life would be as simple as..well, I dunno, breathing. It's a real struggle, one that I've trired to beat several times and have failed miserably. Maybe one day I'll break through and be somewhat normal *crosses fingers and holds her breath*

I would define social phobia/anxiety as "an extreme fear of social rejection."

I agree that 'attempting to see yourself through someone else's eyes' is one of the symptoms. The reason for it is this: you're trying to predict how others perceive you, so that you can adjust your behavior accordingly, in an attempt to prevent rejection.