Monday, April 30, 2012

Apocalypse Monday - Water

I know what you're thinking: when the plague or zombie apocalypse happens, having a supply of water is a no-brainer. Well, you're right... but you need water for more things than drinking and cleaning. Pay attention, 'cause you're gonna need to stock up before the apocalypse hits the fan.

Reasons (other than the obvious) to stock up on water:

1. During the winter, you'll need plenty of water to make your own ice rink in the backyard. Nothing brings you out of the zombie-dodging doldrums like a little ice-skating or broom ball in the yard.

2. On the flip side, during the summer you'll need some entertainment as well. What better way to cool off than by breaking out the slip-n-slide? And I know what you're thinking, isn't this a waste of water during an apocalypse... LISTEN TO ME: IF I CAN'T SLIP AND SLIDE DURING THE SUMMER, TURN ME INTO A ZOMBIE NOW. Sorry for shouting... I'm very pro-slip-n-slide.

3. Just because you'll be in survival mode, doesn't mean you shouldn't have facials and pedicures. We aren't animals, you know.

4. Cars go faster when they're washed. Therefore, you'll be able to drive away from the zombies faster in a clean car.

5. In the post-apocalyptic world, gargling is going to be very important. You'll see.

6. Yes, the world might have ended, but that doesn't mean the lawn doesn't need to be tended. You'll have the best landscaping in the neighborhood, especially since all your neighbors will be zombies.

7. Three words: Water Balloon Fight.

8. You will need something to keep goldfish alive. Once the apocalypse happens, the fish tank will be the new television. I'm personally looking forward to "Survivor: The Goldfish Tank In The Kids Bedroom".

9. It's a known fact that zombies hate water. If you see one coming, you offer them a tall glass of ice water. They'll head for the hills.

10. Without water to make coffee, my husband will be a zombie. That's something I'd like to avoid.

OK now, single-file, let's all head to Costco and buy giant bottles of water. We'll all be grateful we did.