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Thursday, June 28, 2012

My Alien Response Team

(So after all those serious posts about Loki and being a slacker in blogging last week and Tuesday I decided we needed a more lighthearted and geeky post. So here you go. :) )

So my work limits what internet sites I can visit during the day. Not a big deal, except when you’re eating your lunch and thinking, “Hmm…I’ll check out the latest Wheel of Time re-read on tor.com while I chow down.” Because you can’t access tor.com. But strangely you can access cracked.com. Basically, it’s almost a random algorithm that chooses which websites we can and cannot visit.

But as at most work places, news websites are perfectly acceptable, so I often find myself going to cnn.com even though I don’t actually like the site and I find most of their articles completely pointless. The same goes for their geek blog called “Geek Out!” which is really a fantastic idea gone horribly astray. Instead of it being a website celebrating different geeky things or things geek’s like to talk about, like tor.com or io9.com, it instead spends way too much time expounding on what makes geeks different and how life for geeks is different and blah blah blah. (Honestly, I find this to be the biggest problem with cnn.com in general. The way to get around stereotypes and various –isms like racism and ageism and geekism is not to point out the numerous ways in which we are different and to constantly talk about it. It’s to treat the different subjects of the different groups as if they’re the equal. But that’s my personal opinion and apparently not the opinion of cnn.com).

Anyway, yesterday, for once, cnn’s Geek Out! had an article that was actually appropriate for a geek website. It was arranging a list of fictional characters that we would want as leaders during an alien attack. Because let’s face it, when it comes to alien attacks I don’t care who is president and how you feel about them. You really want Ellen Ripley to be leading.

So I started thinking about who would I want on my team to fight the aliens. My own personal Avengers if you will. Note: I am only allowing myself to choose from fictional characters who within their own chronology would be alive today (so sadly no Ellen Ripley) and who are most likely to be on Earth at the time (so no Doctor). And I came up with the following list:

Captain America. Call it an Avengers high. Call it a deep seated love for the good old Captain. Whatever. Honestly, in any crisis, this is the man I want leading my team. He has a natural leadership ability and has that good boy scout quality that makes almost everyone love him. He’s also the sort of leaders that other leaders (and loners) are willing to follow, whether they be Mr. Fantastic, Wolverine, or Spiderman. And he’s got experience fighting Nazis, Aliens, and gods. So yeah. I assign Captain America as our team leader.

Samantha Carter. So this might be problematic for team dynamics because technically she outranks Captain America. But we need someone on this team capable of figuring out alien technology and capable of holding her own in a gunfight (I’m looking at you, Dr. McKay). Carter is the woman we need for things like blowing up alien ships, blocking strange technologies, and just in general keeping our own gizmos running. She also has experience fighting various different kinds of aliens in two galaxies.

John Connor. If you need a man who can organize a rebellion on our own soil against a stronger, better foe while simultaneously keeping the human race from going extinct, John Connor is your man. And Aliens should be a breeze after robots. He’s also pretty good with technology, so Carter won’t be left hanging on her own. And he’s great with weapons and a gun, so more muscle for our team.

Hermione Granger. Get that incredulous look off your face. This is a list detailing what fictional, contemporary, Earth-bound characters I want with me to fight against aliens. And Hermione fits the bill. She’s smart as a whip, quick on her feet, keeps her cool under pressure, and has already proven herself fighting against a stronger enemy. If there is something our engineers can’t figure out with technology, Hermione will be there to bring the magic. And I’m fairly confident that between her and Carter we’ll be able to get some particularly awesome devices that utilize both technology and magic.

Magnus Bane. Another one for the magical side of things. High Warlock of Brooklyn. Like 900 years old. Does the man need more credentials? I get the impression there is very little in this world he hasn’t done (and all the “ewww” that goes with that), so he’s got the street smarts to balance Hermione’s book smarts. Together, they would be one awesome magical pair to help fight aliens. And also, he could use his awesome good looks and natural charm to seduce aliens. As long as Alec isn’t around to go all emo-teenage boy on him. Seriously Alec, get over yourself.

Agent J. Because well, if we’re getting invaded by aliens, the Men in Black probably know why. He probably knows what kind of alien it is and has access to all of our past history with that type of alien. He would probably know their strengths and weaknesses, or at least have access to the database that does, and would probably know their language. His humor would help defuse any tension on the team while still getting the job done. Oh, and he has access to a huge arsenal of awesome weapons to get used against aliens. And he has a neurelizer and could essentially turn our human squad into the Silence. The aliens won’t remember seeing us and we can plant subliminal messages inside their minds. That’s a win all around.

So that’s my dream team. The people I wish we could call up in a case of alien invasion. I’m kind of concerned that there are six of them (what if half want to do one thing and the other half another thing), but I have confidence in almost all of their ability to follow chain of command and listen to whatever the Cap tells them to do. (Though I have suspicions about Magnus’ ability to do so). If we had these people on our side, we would never need to fear aliens. We would kick their butts in a timely manner.

Notable mentions include Harry Dresden, Buffy Summers, Captain Jack Harkness, and Batman. They can be the second string.