When I die

Do you have plans when you die? Have you saved money for your funeral? No? Me neither. Death is not something that is planned. You’ll never know when you’ll die, not unless if you’ll commit suicide.

You could be poisoned while eating your favorite baby-back-ribs at one of the biggest restaurants; you could be struck by lightning while smoking outside your office and die; or simply burn your lungs for smoking too much. You’ll never know. I could die right now while writing this for no particular reason at all.

What? No, I’m not writing this to teach you how to plan your death, that’s suicide. As a Christian, I don’t support suicides though I could give few tips on how to do it. But no, this isn’t about suicide tips.

Humans as we are we will all die and face Jesus for the Judgment based on our tweets. That’s a joke! My point is that I’m not rich… yet. I don’t have money in my bank account that I can leave to my family when I die…yet. So things might be a little difficult for my family when I die.

To my family, no need to worry when I die. The company will take care of my funeral. But I’m not sure if they’ll take care of it the way I want it to be; and that’s where you’ll come in. Before I give you the list, let me remind you that I’m already dead while you’re doing this. In other words, these are my last wishes. Do it properly! Not that I’m demanding, I’m just saying.

First, all of my friends have smart phones. They're updating their Facebook status, tweets and duckface selfies from time to time, just like as I do when I was still slive. So, I want my funeral to be WIFI PROTECTED. When I say PROTECTED, there should never be a dead spot. Though literally, it’s really a dead spot ‘cause my body is lying somewhere in the place. I want to make it as online as possible. Who knows I’ll get a chance to like their status up there; and please put a hashtag somewhere that says #GeeveyIsDead.

Second, I work in a BPO Industry for years and most of my friends are immuned to coffee. PLEASE SERVE BEER AND SISIG, NOT COFFEE AND BISCUITS! Else, they won’t be coming back after their first visit. Then you’ll see me frowning behind that glass; and I don't want to miss the fun so if possible, put a mug of beer on that big white box. What do you call that again, a coffin?

If, by any chance, someone asks for a coffee, make sure it’s from Starbucks! I used an exclamation there that means I mean it.

Third, NO SAD MUSIC, FUNERAL MUSIC OR WHATEVER MUSIC YOU CALL IT, just like “Di kita malilimutan…” For goodness sake, I’m already dead, which means one less funny-sarcastic-bully guy in the world. That’s already sad enough. I don’t want to have people crying on my burial, not even one. I’m not saying you play that “tugshtugsh” music that I usually hear in a bar. I prefer Christian songs.

Finally, I want my family and friends to leave me a message - written or spoken - things that they like and dislike about me, bad or good experiences. I want to look at all of you from above smiling while saying “Just as I thought, you liked it!” or “I intentionally did it coz I don’t like you!”

Basically, that’s all I want when I die. Not that difficult, right? But before you do these things, you try to check my bank accounts first. Who knows if I have something in them, right? LOL.I said “accounts” because I really have a lot of bank accounts.

We don’t have control over death. Either you’re rich or poor, you’ll meet death someday. I think it’s better to plan ahead. Even Jesus Christ died; it’s just that He was resurrected. Well, He’s God, that’s one of His perks.

Some people would say I’m being worldly after my death. They might be right. I don’t know. All I want is a funny burial. No pun intended.