TOP OF THE SIXTH

AGASSI WINS, BUT HIS

GAME IS FOR THE BIRDS

Watching Andre Agassi play can be difficult for fans, especially during his struggles over the last few months, but this was ridiculous.

Agassi was serving during the second set of his 6-4, 6-4 win over Karol Kucera of Slovakia yesterday in the second round of Olympic tennis when a flock of geese flew in formation across the stadium, then scattered droppings on an unfortunate family of five sitting in the stands. A sympathetic Agassi ran for a courtside towel, then threw it up to a grateful, splattered man in the stands, who proceeded to mop off his wife and three children.

"Upstaged by a flock of geese, and all they do is (dump) on you," Agassi said. "That makes the upstaging even worse. When you look up to serve, you don't want that stuff coming down on you."

Wow, wouldn't that vision be great in his next commercial?

BARKLEY THROWS VERBAL ELBOW AT MILLER: At a news conference, Reggie Miller of the Dream Team said: "I tell you what, I want to meet that Kerri Strug. That was awesome. My wife was fortunate to go there (to the team gymnastics finals). She came home crying and jumping up and down and celebrating." Quipped Charles Barkley: "I think she was crying because she had to come home to Reggie."

-- "The U.S. women's gymnastics team is being praised for what they've done for American spirits," says comedy writer Alan Ray. "They not only won the gold, they've kept John Tesh off tour."

-- Jay Leno on Strug's performance: "That was so incredible. It reminded me of the time when Dennis Rodman kept on playing after he broke a high heel."

HERCULES UNCHAINED: From comedy writer Paul Ecker: "Turkey's tiny Naim Suleymanoglu, the man they call the 'Pocket Hercules,' won his third gold in weightlifting. He has a brother who's an accountant, called the 'Pocket Calculator.' "

-- Canada's Olympic swimmers vowed not to have sex during the Games. A Canadian fan, disgruntled by his country's poor showing in swimming, said: "They should have banned these kids' parents from having sex 20 years ago."

-- Considering IBM's slowness in reporting scores at the Olympics, maybe the company's initials should stand for "It Beats Mail."

-- "Thanks to watching Olympic gymnastics," says reader Mark Adamsbaum of San Anselmo, "millions of American women are now referring to foreplay as 'the compulsories.' "