A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided to be an England supporter and I would like this for my birthday." His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your mother." So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in hand and finds his mother. "Mum?",
"Yes son?",
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday". The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head twice and says, "Go talk to your father." Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father. "Dad?",
"Yes son?",
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday." The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head 4 times and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!" About half and hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says, "Son, I hope you've learned something today?". The son says, "Yes dad I have.",
"Good son, what is it?". The son replies, "I've only been an England supporter for an hour and already I hate you Germans".
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A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him. "No," he says. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?" "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."
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Rooney's been told he can play in the World Cup if he gets a Cortizone. Beckham said: "If that fat boy is having a new car, then so am I!"
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Rio Ferdinand, Rooney and Hargreaves are at a lake trying to find out who can walk on water. Rooney goes first, runs across the lake and comes back. Ferdinand looks at Hargreaves and say, "Your go Owen". Hargreaves starts his run, gets half way, turns and falls. Ferdinand looks at Rooney and say's "I didn't tell him about the stepping stones", Rooney replies "What stepping stones"?
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Michael Owen walks into a night club in Germany and sees a stunning leggy blonde beauty on the dance floor. He approaches her and says, "get you coat, your coming back to my hotel with me tonight." She looks at him and replies, "Goodness, You're a little forward!"
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When the Azerbaijan football team came to Wales the other day, three of their players were caught speeding in Cardiff City centre. When the police pulled them over to explain, all three got out of the car, smiled, shock the police officers hands and said: "Thanks very much these are the first three points we've seen in ages!"
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A colleague of mine says he picked up a copy of an American newspaper in
which the soccer correspondent complained that the World Cup competition
had been unfair to the US. The American team, he reported, had had to
play Trinidad and Tobago on the same day, whereas no other team had to
play more than one match a day.