I just read a report on the invention of a stabbing robot that works through mind control. (Invented in Japan, in case you hadn’t guessed). The good news? It didn’t win the robot gladiator competition. Apparently to win that, your robot has to have a larger repertoire than moving forward, rotating to the right and stabbing.

Here’s the winning robot, OmniZero.9. In addition to sporting flapping blades on its arms, it can be used as a chair--unless you're worried about the flapping blade thing.

Inspired by all this, I’ve written the chorus for a new song:

I’m building a stabbing robot with advanced circuitryAnd one of these days I’m going to set that robot free.He’ll be loaded up with sensors that sense the things you doAnd if you try to do me wrong, he’s coming after you.