Workshops Guiding People Into Their Golden Years

May 05, 2000|By The Virginian-Pilot

NORFOLK — The time to start thinking about old age, says John Skirven, is before we get there.

Yet how many of us do?

"We prepare ourselves for going to school, for getting jobs, for getting along with the opposite sex, but not for anything past the middle part of life," says Skirven, executive director of Senior Services of Southeastern Virginia. "There's no course on getting old."

That's changing, however. As more Americans than ever enter the later stages of life in good health, workshops and programs have begun cropping up locally and nationally to help people harness the potential of their golden years.

This fledgling movement goes by a lot of names - Conscious Aging, Second Adulthood and Spiritual Eldering, to name a few. The idea is to encourage people, starting in midlife, to cultivate a more creative, conscious attitude about their later years.

Linda Raymer, a Virginia Beach resident, began conducting Spiritual Eldering workshops with two other trainers in March at retirement centers and city agencies in Hampton Roads.

At a city of Chesapeake workshop in March, they taught the basic tenets of Spiritual Eldering, or Age-ing to Sage-ing, a concept developed by a soul- searching rabbi.

"Instead of thinking your life is over, it's really just beginning," Raymer told a group of about 20 people, ranging in age from their 40s to their 60s. "This is the best time to do things you have always wanted to do, things that can make a difference for your children, your grandchildren and great-grandchildren."

Some people come naturally by the idea of using their retirement years to the fullest.

Alzeda Hacker, 92 years old, has never stopped learning. She recently participated in the Spiritual Eldering seminar at her retirement center, but she already embodies many of the characteristics the movement encourages.

She still finds challenges in a piano etude by Franz Liszt. She's looking for a piano teacher to help her on another piece - "Sundown" - that she has played most of her life.

She wants to play it better.

Never mind that she taught music herself for 40 years. Hacker retired 20 years ago, and has found these past two decades to be very fruitful, full of passing on family stories to grandchildren and great-grandchildren and sharing her musical talents.

"I am very grateful to be permitted to be here this long and to be around my children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren," said Hacker, who lives in a Virginia Beach retirement center. "I think it's a most enriching time of my life."

Before she moved to Virginia Beach a year ago to live near family, she ran a music program at the YWCA in Pittsburgh, and directed a church choir. Now she plays music for Sunday services at her retirement center.

"You have to share with others what you have gained through the years," said Hacker, who studied at The Juilliard School and Fisk University in Nashville, Tenn.

Even more important is passing along values and stories and family legends to the younger generations. "That's my main role. I'm the only one that can tell them the stories. I can tell them about their great-great-great-grandparents."

She sees old age as a liberating time.

"I do as I please. I do not have to account for anything or anybody."

Hacker's attitude is what Raymer and her two fellow trainers - Nancy Howard and Tom Adams - hope to instill in others.

At the March seminar for city of Chesapeake employees, participants first talked about fears of old age, such as falling into poor health, becoming a burden, being lonely, lacking the money for a comfortable retirement or health care, and losing eyesight and memory.

That exercise helps participants face mortality.

Then they talk about the positives of aging: The freedom from parental duties and job obligations. Less competitiveness. A greater sense of peace. The chance to pursue one's own interests. More time to spend with family.

Rita Mahler talked about how wonderful it was to move from a home to a condo. "I loved getting rid of stuff," Mahler said. "Now we have more time to spend with grandchildren instead of maintaining a yard."

Nathaniel Brown has already retired once, from the Chesapeake school division, and now works at a community center with the Parks and Recreation Department, a job he finds more satisfying and less stressful.

The shorter work week gives the 66-year-old more time for family, church and traveling.

Betsy Bernier, 57, is finding time, now that her four children are grown, to pursue long-deferred dreams. She always wanted to be a concert pianist and last year took piano lessons with three of her grandchildren. She always wanted to dance and is now taking shag dance lessons. She's finding time to go to the opera and the theater. She also recently started her own business as a therapist, in addition to her full-time job as a clinician with Chesapeake's mental health department.

"This is a time of freedom," she said. "To be who you want to be, to tap into things you always wanted to but never had the chance."