Saturday, April 30, 2005

where the wild things are

disclaimer: yes, it was late. yes, i was tired. and YES the following story is true.

i was flying down the empty streets of downtown last night, FINALLY on my way home, and i got stopped at a light.

I KID YOU NOT, some kind of lean, four-legged, pointy-eared, stripedy-tailed racing beast was tearing(at at LEAST 20 m.p.h.) down the middle of the street in front of me. my head just went from right to left and followed it to the next intersection, where it almost ran into a car, got confused, did a circle, made a right and took off into the darkness.

in my uneducated opinion, a jackal just ran down the street.

i thought it was just me, having some kind of terrible harold-and-kumar flashback, but i hadn't been hitting any substances and i was fully awake. but just to be sure, i rolled down the window and called out to some people walking down the street, who were just as bewildered as i was.

me: 'DID YOU JUST SEE THAT THING RUN DOWN THE STREET?'

girl:'YEAH, THAT WAS SO WEIRD.'

me: 'DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS?'

guy1: 'I THINK IT WAS A HYENA'

guy2: 'OR A WOLF'

guy1: 'OR A WEREWOLF! AHAHAHAAAHAAA!!'

me: 'BUT YOU DID SEE IT, RIGHT? I'M NOT CRAZY?'

girl: 'NO, YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT CRAZY.'

it wasn't even a full moon.

see? some drunk girl on the street doesn't think i'm crazy.

most likely it was a coyote (which has been known to happen) or some escaped illegal luxury animal.

one of those "cartoon moments" is exactly right!! did you drive your car off a cliff and not succumb to gravity until you looked down?? once you hit the ground, did the evil storyboarder have an ACME anvil fall on top of your head for good measure?? did a huge lump grow instaneously from the top of your head with little blue birdies flying in circles around it?HEHEHAHAHOHOHOHO.

I’ve been developing a theory on what you saw the other night… it involves 3 other time dimensions, a midget, 5 dancing iguanas, a misplaced My Little Pony doll and half a bottle of rubbing alcohol… I still need to pretend to gather some more fake facts, but I think I’m on to something here… I’ll keep you posted.