It was a sweltering August day when the Greenberg
brothers entered the posh Michigan, offices of the a notorious
car maker. Hyman Greenberg, the eldest of the three, announced,
"We have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize
the automobile industry." The car maker looked skeptical,
but their threats to offer it to the competition kept his interest
piqued. Hi Greenberg continued, "We would like to demonstrate
it to you in person."

After a little cajoling, they brought the
car maker outside and asked him to enter a black car that was
parked in front of the building. Norman Greenberg, the middle
brother, opened the door of the car. "Please, step inside."

"What!?" shouted the tycoon. "Are
you crazy? It must be one hundred degrees in that car!"

Intrigued, the tycoon pushed the button.
All of a sudden a whoosh of freezing air started blowing from
vents all around the car, and within seconds the automobile was
not only comfortable, it was quite cool!

"This is amazing!" exclaimed the
tycoon. "How much do you want for the patent?"

Norman spoke up, "The price is one million
dollars." Then he paused. "And there is something else.
We want the name 'Greenberg Brothers Air Conditioning' to be
stamped right next to your logo."

"Money is no problem," the car
maker said, "but no way will I have a Jewish name next to
my logo on my cars!" They haggled back and forth for awhile
and finally they settled. One and one-half million dollars, and
the name Greenberg would be left off. However, the first names
of the Greenberg brothers would be forever emblazoned upon the
console of every air conditioning system. And that is why today,
whenever you enter a vehicle, you will see those three names
clearly defined on the air-conditioning control panel: NORM -
HI - MAX!

The Joke of
the Rabbi And the Plane Design

Bernie, a young Jewish boy, decided he wanted
to be an aeronautical engineer and build airplanes. Over the
years he studied hard, went to the best schools, and finally
got his degree. It didn't take long before he gained a reputation
as the finest aeronautical engineer in all the land, so he decided
to start his own company to build jets.

His company was such a hit that the President
of the United States called Bernie into his office. "Bernie,"
the President said, "Israel wants to commission your company
to build an advanced jet fighter for their country. You have
our approval--go out and design the best jet fighter ever made."

Needless to say, Bernie was tremendously
excited at this prospect. The entire resources of his company
went into building the most advanced jet fighter in history.
Everything looked terrific on paper, but when they held the first
test flight of the new jet, disaster struck. The wings couldn't
take the strain--they broke clean off of the fuselage! (The test
pilot parachuted to safety, thank G-d.)

Bernie was devastated; his company redesigned
the jet fighter, but the same thing happened at the next test
flight--the wings broke off again. Beside himself with great
worry, Bernie went to his shul to pray, to ask G-d where he had
gone wrong. The rabbi saw Bernie's sadness, and naturally asked
him what the matter was. Bernie decided to pour his heart out
to the rabbi.

After hearing the problem with the jet fighter,
the rabbi put his hand on Bernie's shoulder and told him, "Listen,
Bernie, I know how to solve your problem. All you have to do
is drill a row of holes directly above and below where the wing
meets the fuselage. If you do this, I absolutely guarantee the
wings won't fall off.

Bernie just smiled and thanked the rabbi
for his advice...but the more he thought about it, the more he
realized he had nothing to lose. Maybe the rabbi had some holy
insight. So Bernie did exactly what the rabbi told him to do.
On the next design of the jet fighter, they drilled a row of
holes directly above and below where the wings met the fuselage.
And it worked! The next test flight went perfectly!

Brimming with joy, Bernie went to shul to
tell the rabbi that his advice had worked. "Naturally,"
said the rabbi, "I never doubted it would."

"But Rabbi, how did you know that drilling
the holes would prevent the wings from falling off?"

"Bernie," the rabbi intoned, "I'm
an old man. I've lived for many, many years and I've celebrated
Passover many, many times. And in all those years, not once--NOT
ONCE--has the matzoh broken on the perforation!"

Jail Time Humor
A man was taken to court for stealing an item from a store. The
man said to the judge, "Your Honor, I'm a Christian. I've
become a new man. I am "Born Again!" However, I still
have my old nature. It was not my new nature that did wrong.
It was my old nature."

The judge responded, "Since it was the
old nature that broke the law, we'll sentence him to 60 days
in jail. And since the new nature was an accomplice in the theft,
we'll give him 30 days, too. I therefore sentence you both to
90 days in jail."

The Humorous Tale Of Thank G-d and Amen
A young man, Yaakov, is lost and walking in the desert.

One hot day, he spots an Oasis of a Rabbinical
School. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the entrance gate and
collapses.

A rabbi finds Yaakov and calls the school
doctor who cares for his needs. Eventually the doctor nurses
him back to health. Feeling better and desiring to continue on
his journey, Yaakov asks the head rabbi for directions to the
nearest town and if he could borrow one of the school's horses.

The rabbi says, "Of course you can borrow
one of our horses Yaakov, just leave it in town at the local
stable. They will return it. Also, there is a special thing about
our horses at this school. You have to say `Thank G-d' to make
them go and `Amen' to make them stop."

Not paying much attention,Yaakov says, "Sure,
OK."

So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank
G-d" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank
G-d, thank G-d," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling
really brave, Yaakov says, "Thank G-d" again and again
until the horse just takes off. Pretty soon, Yaakov sees a cliff
coming up and he does everything he can to make the horse stop.

"Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!" Finally
remembering what the head rabbi said, he shouts, "Amen!!"
The horse stops four inches from the edge of the cliff. Yaakov
wipes his brow, leans back in the saddle, takes a deep breath
of air thinking, "That was a close one!" Then he says,
"Thank G-d!"

The Great Laugh, Religions - Religions
One day G-d called the Pope, and He said, "I have good news
and bad news. First the good news. I am tired of all the squabbling
between the religions on earth. I have decided there will be
only the one true religion."

The Pope was overjoyed and told G-d how wise
His decision was, then asked, "What's the bad news?".

G-d said, "The bad news is that I am
calling from Jerusalem."

The Joke of The Pilot's Wish
Thirteen rabbium were on a flight from New York to Jerusalem
when the super jet they were flying on experienced a very great
storm. One of the rabbium called the stewardess with the intention
of calming her nerves. He said, "Tell the pilot that everything
will be all right because there are 13 very religious men aboard
the jet."

A little later the stewardess returned from
the cockpit with a message from the pilot to the head rabbi.
"He said he was glad to know that we have 13 holy men aboard
this super jet but he would rather have just one good engine."

The Funny Tale Of Yes, I Read The Parsha
The shul Rav told his congregation, "Next Shabbos I plan
to speak about lying. To help everyone better understand my drash
please read all 66 verses on the story of Lavon in Genesis chapter
33."

The following Shabbos, as the Rav prepared
to give his drash, he asked for a show of hands from his congregation
on how many members had read all 66 verses of Genesis 33. Almost
every hand went up. He smiled and said, "Genesis Chapter
33 has only 54 verses. Now, let us get on with the discussion
of the sin of lying."

The Humor Of Just One Good Deed...
A man tries to enter Heaven but is stopped by the Angel who keeps
the Pearly Gates.
The Angel explains that it is not easy to get into Heaven. There
is a certain criterion to be met before entry is allowed.

The Angel asks the man several questions.

Was he religious in life?
He answers, "No!"
Did he attend shul on Shabbos and Yom Tovim?
He answers, "No!"
Did he give Tzedakah to the poor?
He answers, "No!"
Did he do any good deeds while on earth?
He answers, "No!"
Did he help his neighbor?
He answers, "No!"
The Angel says, "Not good! Not good at all!"

In exasperation the Angel says, "Look,
everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying
to help. Now think!"

The man says, "There was this little
old lady who was surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels when I came
out of the drugstore. They had taken her purse and were shoving
her, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down,
fought my way through the crowd and got her purse back. I helped
her to her feet. Then I went up to the biggest, meanest biker
and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was; and then
I spit in his face."

"Wow", says the Angel, "That's
impressive. When did this happen?"

"Oh, about ten minutes ago," replied
the man.

A One Dollar Bill Tells A Humorous Tale

A one dollar bill met his old friend the
20 dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't
seen you around here much."

The twenty answered, "I've been hanging
out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the
ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple
of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about
you?"

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The Good Laugh Of Heaven's Entrance Test
A man dies and goes to heaven but before he can enter he is stopped
by the Angel who guards the Pearly Gates. The Angel explains
that it is not easy to get into Heaven! There is a certain criterion
to be met before entry is allowed.

The Angel says, "Before I can let you
enter you have to pass an admittance test."

So the man says to the Angel, "What
kind of a test?"

The Angel says, "You have to spell a
word."
The man says "OK! "What's the word?"

The Angel says "Love." So the man
spells love, l-o-v-e.
The Angel says, "Very Good. You may now enter."

The man tells the Angel that his lawyer should
be arriving soon and kindly requests that the Angel give him
the word "Czechoslovakia!"

The Joke Of The Gate Guard...
One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when an Angel asked
him to watch the gates for a few minutes while he took a break.
Jesus agreed and in a few minutes he saw an old, old man approach.
This man was OLD! He walked very slowly, had a halting gait,
and long white hair and beard. When Jesus asked, "Could
I help?"

The old man said in a shaky voice, "Yes!
I'm looking for my son. Jesus wanted to help but didn't think
he could as there were millions of people in Heaven.

The old man continued, "I know I can identify him very easily
by the holes in his hands and feet,"
Jesus does a double take and says, "Father?"
The old man looks at Jesus and says, "Pinocchio?"

The Funny Tale of The Three Questions
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's
rates.
"$50.00 for three questions," replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your
third question?"

The Humor Of The Jewish Genie...
Yaakov was walking on the beach and noticed an old lamp. He picked
it up and rubbed it. A genie suddenly came out of the bottle
and said, "Gee thanks, Yaakov!! I've been locked in this
bottle for over 200 years!! Just for that I'll grant you three
wishes. However, I have to warn you that what you get your lawyer
will get double."

Yaakov thought for awhile, then said, "For
my first wish I'd like one hundred million gold coins."

The genie said, "Okay. But remember, your lawyer will get
two hundred million gold coins."
Yaakov said, "That's okay."

Then the genie granted Yaakov's wish. Poof! There right in front
of him was a hundred million gold coins.

Then Yaakov said, "For my second wish I would like a fifty
acre ranch on the French Riviera with a thirty room home overlooking
the bluffs into the ocean.

The genie said, "Okay, but remember, your lawyer will be
next door with twice the acreage and in a house twice as large
and he likes to party 24 hours a day."

Yaakov said, "I think I can live with that."

Then the genie granted Yaakov's wish. Poof! Right there he was,
on the French Riviera and next door was his attorney just as
the genie had said.

So the genie said, "For your third wish
you'd better think long and hard."

So after thinking it over Yaakov said, "Could
you please scare me half to death?"

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