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Sunday, April 4, 2010

Edward's Gonna Have To Come Up With A Better Argument... [minor spoiler alert]

[Regarding the spoiler content of this post: I am discussing something from the Eclipse trailer here. Even though it is something that came up in the book (although I couldn't find the passage because it's a bit of a needle in a 629-page haystack), I wanted to give everyone a heads-up. For those staying uber-super-duper spoiler-free and not dallying with the tantalizing tip or anything, well, you've been warned...]

The other day when Mr. Snarky and I went to see "Alice In Wonderland," we got to watch the Eclipse trailer together. I stopped twitching and jumping up and down in my seat and giggling and poking him for long enough to watch a few seconds of it, and when they got to the part where Edward is adding to his "blah-blah-blah-I won't-destroy-your-soul-yadda-yadda-yadda" argument and making his case for not turning Bella into an awesome vampire babe and it goes like this -

Bella: Why are you so against me becoming like you?

Edward: I know the consequences of the choice you're making... After a few decades, everyone you know will be dead.

And I paused for a second and thought about it. Again. Because wait just a dang minute--that is supposed to be part of Edward's argument for Bella NOT becoming a vampire??? WTF kind of argument IS that??! Because the way I see it, there are the two possible scenarios:

#1. After a few decades, everyone Bella knows is dead. But Edward never turned her, so she is older and wrinklier and people have been giving her and Edward - as a couple - major stink-eye for a looong time. Then, in a couple of additional decades, Bella's dead, too. The end.

OR...

#2. After a few decades, everyone she knows is dead. EXCEPT for her awesome, devastatingly gorgeous vampire husband and her awesome sparkly vampire family AND she's a hot young-looking vampire who will never physically age or get crow's feet or die or suffer from so much as a case of the sniffles ever again

This...

...oooooor this.(Hey - they still got married, right? Whether he makes her take a dirt nap or no...)

Yup, this looks like SUCH an awful choice... Torture.

Hmmm... What to choose, what to choose... Tough one...

I will risk looking like a HUGE dolt here and admit that one of the things that I find so alluring about vampires - and this was true back when I used to read Anne Rice, too - is their immortality. Throughout the saga, as Edward is denying Bella that immortality, I was ticked (sure, she could have had Alice or Carlisle change her, but still). When Edward has the ability to be with her forever and keep her from aging and dying but won't agree to it, it stuck in my craw. I suppose I am old enough to understand that I won't be around forever. Unless I find me a Cullen, that is... Anyone know where a nice gal can find a doting vampire these days? I think maybe I need a one-way ticket to Italy, please. I hear there's an opening for a receptionist in Voltura...

*****************************************

Here's the trailer in case you want a refresher - or in case like me, you're really bummed that it's Monday again and you want to sneak off to Twilight la-la land for a few blissful moments...

P.S. I found this pic of "Bella and Edward at HERE at Devientart and had to share! Other than the vampire scruff (and don't get me started on that! Works for Robert Pattinson, not so much for Edward...). I really like that they got the violet-y under-eye circles so spot-on. Maybe they should hire the artist as a consultant for Breaking Dawn? Because so far the make-up artists they've used in the movies haven't done anything even close to this good!

59 comments:

OME, I *just* wrote a post about the allure of immortality re: vampires today! I'm completely with you - they're the most human of the immortal creatures (IMO). I always thought that was a shitty argument for Edward to use. Especially because the only people she *likes* are also immortal, except Angela and her parents (the latter of whom will die first anyway). Great post, STY! As usual, I agree with you completely!

I'm just a lowly lurker (love your blog, btw), but (even though it's edited to seem like part of the argument in the trailer) doesn't he actually say that at a different time... a poor attempt at a joke in response to her saying she has to figure out how to say goodbye to the people she'll leave behind? In the trailer they are showing her with her father and hugging her mother while he says this...

I agree with Anonymous. In the books, it's Edwards poor attempt at a joke. Even though he is arguing against her becoming a Vampire...he knows inevitably that it will happen...Remember, Alice had seen it. So when she starts to stress about missing Charlies and her family & friends, he say's that line...

They're talking about "going through the facade" of enrolling in Dartmouth so she can be "turned" and disappear for a while.

I sighed. “I’m mailing the contents of my bank account to Alaska tomorrow. It’s all the alibi I need. It’sfar enough away that Charlie won’t expect a visit until Christmas at the earliest. And I’m sure I’ll think ofsome excuse by then. You know,” I teased halfheartedly, “this whole secrecy and deception thing is kindof a pain.”Edward’s expression hardened. “It gets easier. After a few decades, everyone you know is dead.Problem solved.I flinched.“Sorry, that was harsh.”I stared down at the big white envelope, not seeing it. “But still true.”

ok truth be told i couldn't find this snippet in the book so this is more based on the short blurb in the short trailer (where he is SO not joking - movie edward has almost NONE of the sense of humor that book edward has - thanks, melissa rosen-whatever...). hell it's a blog and i'm not writing a thesis paper on it so i call "artistic license" - lol [i'm a blogger not a twilight scholar : )]!

the immortality thing is something i will probably explore at some point more in depth... JJ is almost ten years my junior and much less neurotic than i am (at least on this topic) so she doesn't feel my pain, but i have quite a bit of angst in that department - lol!

time for me to call it a night! tomorrow is promising to be another fuck-awful start to the week (and also supposed to be AMAZING weather-wise, so there's that - at lesat i can look out my window and enjoy what i understand will be a beautiful, warm spring day) so i may not be around much but i will try to chime in because honestly this is a subject that i spend more than a little bit of time pondering...

Hey, I'd jump at the chance for a day let alone a lifetime with Edward, too. But this is Edward we're talking about. Moody broody Edward. He hates what he is. He thinks he is damned, and doesn't want to sentence his beloved to the same fate that he endures. He thinks doing so would be the ultimate act of selfishness on his part. Of course, in spite of his objections it is the only alternative.

See, this is, I think, yet another argument for Midnight Sun. :) From what little is available to us on SM's blog (yeah, I read it, bitches), you really get a much better sense of how Edward sees HIMSELF. So I think that while the everyone-you-know-will-be-dead is a crappy joke, the real issue is that he sees himself as a soulless monster, and he can't imagine doing that to Bella. Midnight Sun would perhaps help us understand Edward better?

Also, after watching the trailer again - is anyone else bothered by how frizzy KStew's hair is in the scene where Jacob is all "I love you!" ?? Why is it so frizzy?? This is upsetting to me for reasons I can't articulate.

@Amanda - Her hair is frizzy because I'm pretty sure she is wearing the same ratty-ass wig that Taycob wore in Twilight and New moon. Someone needs to take that thing out back and shoot it.

And I guess the jury is still out as to how the line will come across in the rest of that scene in Eclipse - it sure sounds like he's saying it's a reason she should stay human! and hey if i am totally off, shit happens - lol... It was bound to happen sooner or later, right?

I've thought about that all the way through when reading Eclipse - everyone she knows is going to die regardless, she either watches it happen as a hot vamp or dies along with them as a wrinkly old gal. Seriously which does Edward really think is the better option? If I was Bella i'd of had one of the cullen clan change me back in Twilight lol. The immortality is the biggest draw for me.

I was late to the Twilight Saga I read the books in one week last May. Yes I have 4 kids, yes I ignored them to be with Edward and yes my arguement to dh to leave me alone and let me finish reading the damn books was "when im done reading its over no more twilight so please just let me finish."

Little did I know about how vast this twilight "thing" actually was. Now everyday I can go to multiple blogs and get a whole new perspective on my fasination with a teenage vampire and what he does to my girly parts.

I won't even mention fanfic and how many nights dh has yelled at me that the light from my laptop is keeping him awake at 4am. And twitter. Oh how I love twitter!! follow me @tayspoon. Or my dislike for that twat-waffle KStew and diehard shippers (cookoo cookoo)...

Wait, what the hell were we talking about... oh immortatlity and Edward being a pain in the twat for trying to save bitch-y Bella. Ok so I read Twilight and then ran to the nearest redbox to rent the movie (ps I was mad when Harry Potter waited a whole 6 months because Twilight was coming out i was all who gives a shit about high schools vampies?!?! ruh-tard!! LOL)I won't talk about how I watched Twilight with a WTF? look on my face the whole time, but, and I may be alone in this, I was hysterically bawling at the end. And I mean BAD. I called my friend, who was the evil genius that sent me Twilight cause I wouldn't go get it cause "I really don't get into books" and was sobbing to her "why wont he just bite her??? why???" I had yet to read the other 3 books (oh how I hated new moon which then turned to a dislike for Bella who was stringing along two hot guys.bitch.) But why wouldn't he?? Right?? LOL I wish I could get my twi-cherry back and start all over. So I agree book Edward is better, Bella's wig sucks a bag of dicks, and Edward looks like he has clown make-up on in that video you posted. Did I actually even comment on what your post was about?? *scrathes head*

STY- The wig! I think you may be on to something effing hilarious. Thank god Jacob cut that crap off.

I have been slacking in the Twilight department lately whilst reading fanfic and trying to remain employed, thus I have not seen the full Eclipse trailer in the NM DVD...and I have shied away from spoilers because I'm afraid to encounter self loathing to the nines "poop my pants" Edward (Edturd) as opposed to an in love and back with Bella Edward. *I think maybe these two should have gotten laid, this would have improved the attitudes. This could be the abstinence con.

For the argument about NOT turning Bella: That's all he could muster up after 110 years, multiple college diplomas, and the obvious life experience? It's hard to buy when you think Bella is head string and stubborn- not a submissive door mat waiting for others to make choices for her. Feminists must cringe over this shit.

Since NM Edward has lost his chivalry ladies, no smiles, no endearment, just meh topped with constipation looks and self pity. Maybe this is why everyone is really begging for Midnight Sun. We want to take Edward back from Summit.

I don't really understand why Jasper's hair changes so dramatically/ridiculously between movies but none of the other vampires' hair seems to change much at all. Why does the wig designer hate Jacksper?

BAH! I call bullshit on the changing, too. There's chivalry, then there's chtupidity.

If I were Bella, my counter argument would be something like this:

" *blink blink shifty eyes* I can't even think *blink blink*...about you NOT changing my hot ass into a vampire. You say it's because everyone I love will be dead in a few decades? It isn't anyone who wouldn't have died anyway! So if you do change me, I can spend the rest of my days hanging out with the coolest kids in town, letting you worship my new sparkle vag, and we can fuck from midnight to six in the morning for the rest of our existence. WHY does that sound like the bad choice? WHY?!" Followed promptly by a leg hitch, bottom lip sucking make out session to solidify her point. Because that's what I do when I really want to win a fight. Blowjobs help, too.

Immortal, beautiful, what's not to want? Edward should be all about it. But maybe Bella's sending some mixed signals with the whole "I can't get married!" BS when she's begging to change so she can be with Edward FOREVER. That drives me nuts about Bella.

That entire scene is an extra that can be seen at this link so if you're staying virginal don't click on this, it starts around 5 minutes and it shows what they spliced and took out and I think you will be more satisfied with his response. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-dkP8hVv5Q&feature=related

Sorry if someone already posted this. I'm at work and would love to read every comment but that would probably not be the smartest idea.

a few decades? Clearly Edward has lost all sense of time and the human life span. Bella is 18 or something? She and her friends would be 48 after 30 years. Her mother and father were super young when they got married and had her so lets say in 30 years they'd be around 50. Everyone dead? Jesus Edward that is the lames excuse ever! (in addition to STY's arguments)

BTW......why does Edward sound like such a pussy when he says, "Isabella Swan" at the beginning of the Eclipse trailer? I have allowed myself the one indulgence of watching the official Eclipse trailer because I don't want to be spoiled. That line makes me want to hurl. Edward sounds like a whiny little bitch. He's not supposed to be a whiny little bitch until Breaking Dawn dammit!

@mmMoxie-yes, yes and yes. that line bothers me just for the fact that edward can't calculate for shit. really, will jacob and angela be all of 36 in two decades? and alice, oh that's right, she'll still be 17! STY-check out the full scene that anonymous posted. it was his attempt at being sarcastic/pessimistic edward, as in "it doesn't matter" edward. and thanks for letting me watch the elcipse trailer AGAIN. that shit never gets old. how many times can we type leg hitch from now until june? don't ask edward to solve that math problem.

I completely agree with you guys. Thank the Gods Bellas a stubborn bitch and sticks to her guns. If Edward didnt bite me in the end I would have just shot myself in the leg with Charlies gun, FORCE HIM TO DO IT. And in most cases, losing everyone you know isnt exactly a bad thing. LOL! In Bellas case her mothers an irresponsible child, her dads an imbecile who cant see that Edwards pasty white, perfect, and golden eyed. I'd wanna have the sparkly family too.

BTW, thats a beautiful picture of Bella. Our fandom should get fucking payed for our brilliance.

@STY: I am totally at a loss for why book Edward can be fun and funny and movie Edward is a complete Debbie downer. I love book Edward. Movie Edward needs depression meds. There is almost no playfulness at all. I don't think it is realistic that Bella would stay in a relationship with movie Edward. The hoe would totally be Team Jacob, aka Team Sun.

@STY - Anonymous is right about the extended version of that scene being part of the New Moon DVD extras. That reminds me, though. How are you doing staying spoiler free?? How is JJ doing be a (spoiler) whore?! LOL!

summit always uses the scraps, it seems like. most of the trailer schtuff only sees the cutting room floor. and that makes sense, cuz trailers are usually cut from the very beginning scenes - scenes are not filmed in chronological order.

re. edward not changing bella: i thought that was because he...

1) did not want to condemn her soul to hell2) condemn her to a vampirec life style3) is a great big emo pussy vamp. he needs to grow a pair.

in the aussie version of the trailer (maybe it's different), Bella says she has to figure out what to tell people about not showing up on holidays etc, and Edward says It gets easier, after a few decades everyone you know will be dead...it makes sense to me (more sense than Jackspers dead-poodle-i-mean-hair...or Bella's jacob-wig...)

I thought thte book version was better (coz that shit IS harsh...)

I just hope that this frigging movie is good, coz the trailer looks awesome...but htere are a few bits that I dont remember being in the book...not that way anyway...

hmm if only New Moon would bloody well b e released on dvd in Australia!! I wanna watch those subtitles and think of you bitches :) *moan* *sigh* *stutter*...

@HV - So glad you're feeling well enough to hold your head up and type some comments. I've missed them!

Love your breakdown of the leg hitch scene. Totally going to think of Rob having a boner now. LMAO!

@neverthink (aka lucy) - Just in case HV left to watch the game, Duke is playing Butler. Butler is considered a Cinderella team. They upset some good teams to make it to the championship game - totally unexpected - totally living the dream.

@neverthink - You're welcome. I'm a sportz nut, especially about baseball. Now Rob...clearly not a sportz nut. He's supposed to be playing bad in How to Be, but I don't think it was that much of a stretch. Did you see him shooting the basketballs in Remember Me? LOL! Still love him, though ;)

The DVD extras on How to Be are better than the movie. Adorkable Rob at his best!!

@Lindsay Rae - Woot woot!! My license plate is MLB FN 17 ;) I follow the St. Louis Cardinals, even though I live in Illinois. Big win today! How about you? I also love Tim Lincecum. I've been watching him pitch tonight while I've been on the computer. He's in line for the win. He was my #1 draft pick for fantasy baseball (Albert Pujols wasn't available - lol!).

I feel the need to appreciate everyone's fuckawesome comments...before I go off on tangents to other h00rs. So...yer all fuckawesome.

@HypoVag: welcome back snatch, you were missed!

@Lisa: I'm a big ole Phillies Phan. Love the Tigers sentimentally (I'm frm Mich), and Albie's thighs deserve a good raking while I have his bat halfway down my throat. Sorry you didn't get him for your team, but Licecum? NICE Draft!!

@neverthink: G dammit! I never put my vw's down bc they suck. The ONE time I have a good one, you go and piss in my fruit loops. Go suck a Quileute.

@Lindsay Rae - Holy hell with the Sir Albert visual. LMAO!! The Phillies had a good day today, too. You guys hit the jackpot picking up Roy Halladay. When the Cardinals got Holliday last year, I thought they meant Halladay and I was all excited. LOL! I also love the Flyin' Hawaiian. I had him on my team last year but didn't get him this year.

i've also got some mp3 files for ya to burn some carbs to. i mean, i think lindsayrae kinda liked um. i filled up her ermm box...she had to beg me to stop - just couldn't take any more tonite. you know what i mean.

@HV - O.M.G. Really? Ozzie Smith rocked the Cardinals uniform. He was infamous for running on to the field, doing a back handspring, and then taking his position as shortstop. Did you see him do any back handsprings or assume any *ahem* positions during your stealthy meetings? LOL!

@VWL - Sweet! The movie is odd and has its moments, but the DVD extras more than make up for it. You'll have to let me know what you think after you watch everything.

You should also check out the videos of when he was promoting the movie with the director. Sexhair!

@STY: Agreed. Edward's argument is shite. Damn that Stephenie for getting in the way of proper channeling of the vampire world. In MY version, Edward shows up, sweeps Bella off of her feet and says "You are MINE, now and forever," and turns her before she can recover from her swoon because he knows that's what she wants even before she does. Then they can get on with the cool stuff, like taking over and reorganizing the Volturi in their plot for world domination. (People are screwing it up and since the vampires have to live it in for-eh-ver, it makes sense they would want to get things back into balance and control the food supply. Human blood consumption could be strictly controlled to keep the herd at optimal size. Eventually the vampires will need to get off the planet and out of the solar system, and it's going to take some serious resource management to accomplish that and bring along a renewable blood supply... you get the idea. Then, VAMPIRES IN SPACE!)

@17foreverlisa- Smart Girl! I am also a big Cards fan. I live in St. Louis but am not a native. Sometimes it's nice to tame the Twilight crazy within with some more "acceptable" forms of fandom...like baseball. I'll be at the home opener next Monday probably finding a way to relate it to Twilight. Duh! It is baseball!

@MyHeartGoesPitterPattinson (love that btw!) - Awesome "meeting" a fellow Cards' fan in the land of Twitardia!!

I have lived my whole life in Illinois and should be a long-suffering Cubs' fan, but when my dad was growing up near the border between IL and MO, he had a friend whose family took him to a lot of Cards' games. He passed his love of baseball and the Cards onto me. My husband has a similar story. I don't know where we went wrong with our kids, though. My daughter is a Red Sox fan and my son is a Braves fan. Go figure!

Lucky you getting to go to the home opener! We try and get to a couple games a year at Busch and one at Wrigley when the Cubs/Cards play (usually a bus trip).

And trust me, I usually do a blog post once a month called Twiobservations because, as you know, everything can be brought back 'round to Twilight and/or Rob. LOL! I'd love to hear what yours are after you go to the game. Stop by my blog or email me if you think of it :)

a few decades? Clearly Edward has lost all sense of time and the human life span. Bella is 18 or something? She and her friends would be 48 after 30 years. Her mother and father were super young when they got married and had her so lets say in 30 years they'd be around 50. Everyone dead? Jesus Edward that is the lames excuse ever! (in addition to STY's arguments)

BTW......why does Edward sound like such a pussy when he says, "Isabella Swan" at the beginning of the Eclipse trailer? I have allowed myself the one indulgence of watching the official Eclipse trailer because I don't want to be spoiled. That line makes me want to hurl. Edward sounds like a whiny little bitch. He's not supposed to be a whiny little bitch until Breaking Dawn dammit!

I was late to the Twilight Saga I read the books in one week last May. Yes I have 4 kids, yes I ignored them to be with Edward and yes my arguement to dh to leave me alone and let me finish reading the damn books was "when im done reading its over no more twilight so please just let me finish."

Little did I know about how vast this twilight "thing" actually was. Now everyday I can go to multiple blogs and get a whole new perspective on my fasination with a teenage vampire and what he does to my girly parts.

I won't even mention fanfic and how many nights dh has yelled at me that the light from my laptop is keeping him awake at 4am. And twitter. Oh how I love twitter!! follow me @tayspoon. Or my dislike for that twat-waffle KStew and diehard shippers (cookoo cookoo)...

Wait, what the hell were we talking about... oh immortatlity and Edward being a pain in the twat for trying to save bitch-y Bella. Ok so I read Twilight and then ran to the nearest redbox to rent the movie (ps I was mad when Harry Potter waited a whole 6 months because Twilight was coming out i was all who gives a shit about high schools vampies?!?! ruh-tard!! LOL)I won't talk about how I watched Twilight with a WTF? look on my face the whole time, but, and I may be alone in this, I was hysterically bawling at the end. And I mean BAD. I called my friend, who was the evil genius that sent me Twilight cause I wouldn't go get it cause "I really don't get into books" and was sobbing to her "why wont he just bite her??? why???" I had yet to read the other 3 books (oh how I hated new moon which then turned to a dislike for Bella who was stringing along two hot guys.bitch.) But why wouldn't he?? Right?? LOL I wish I could get my twi-cherry back and start all over. So I agree book Edward is better, Bella's wig sucks a bag of dicks, and Edward looks like he has clown make-up on in that video you posted. Did I actually even comment on what your post was about?? *scrathes head*

Hey, I'd jump at the chance for a day let alone a lifetime with Edward, too. But this is Edward we're talking about. Moody broody Edward. He hates what he is. He thinks he is damned, and doesn't want to sentence his beloved to the same fate that he endures. He thinks doing so would be the ultimate act of selfishness on his part. Of course, in spite of his objections it is the only alternative.

Obsessed with Twilight? Think you're too old for this? You've come to the right place!

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