How Diana and Wills have helped a mother bring hope to grieving children

A week ago, the Prime Minister's wife Sarah Brown launched our Inspirational Women Of The Year awards, which aim to recognise the tireless work done by so many extraordinary women - whether they be teachers, carers, mothers or friends - to improve the lives of others.

The awards, in association with Marks & Spencer, will raise much needed funds for Wellbeing Of Women, a charity dedicated to medical research to combat women's health problems.

Today, NATASHA COURTENAY-SMITH tells the story of a woman from a privileged society family, who has gone on to help thousands of children cope with the devastating death of a parent, as well as parents who have lost beloved children.

Royal approval: Charity co-founder Julia Samuel with Prince William, who has followed in his mother Princess Diana's footsteps by supporting the Child Bereavement Trust

Julia Samuel was sitting in her cramped office at St Mary's
Hospital, Paddington, West London, when she received an unexpected
phone call.

'I was told by a member of my staff that Prince
William's office had been in touch to let us know he had written a few
words about his mother to mark our Remember On Mother's Day campaign,'
says Julia, who co-founded the Child Bereavement Trust, a charity which
supports bereaved children as well as parents who have lost a child.

In fact, despite being a friend of Princess Diana, Julia didn't see William's words until they were published in this newspaper.

With remarkable candour, he had written: 'Life has altered as you know it, and not a day goes past without you thinking about the one you have lost. 'I know that over time it is possible to learn to live with what has happened and, with the passing of years, to retain or rediscover cherished memories.'

The timing could not have been more apt coming just days before the deaths of Natasha Richardson and Jade Goody, who between them leave behind four young sons.

Through Julia's pioneering work, and the professionals trained by the charity, thousands of children and adults are helped each year through what must be the most devastating circumstances anyone has to endure.

'The facts are that 200,000 children and young people aged under 18 lose a parent every year,' says Julia, who lives in West London and has four children aged between 19 and 27.

'The death of any mother or father affects not only their child, but everyone their child knows.

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'The impact of a death can ripple out across a whole school as the children suddenly realise, perhaps for the first time, that Mummy or Daddy can die.

'Prince William is no different to these children, or any other child in Britain who loses a parent. Actually, I didn't ask or suggest that William write such a letter. All he had agreed to do was attend our launch.

'I don't know exactly how his letter came about. I can only presume that he decided, of his own accord, that the time was right to share his experiences.

'But I felt incredibly moved and touched by William's words, and his honesty about how he feels.'

It was not the first time the Child Bereavement Trust has gained the royal seal of approval.

When the charity was founded in 1994, Julia's friend Princess Diana made an unscheduled visit to the launch, despite having made a decision to retire from public life.

Julia with Princess Diana: The Princess helped her friend launch the charity in 1994

When word got out that Princess Diana was in attendance, a crowd of 400 fans and photographers gathered outside the venue.

'When I'd talked to Diana about the charity, she had always been extremely positive,' says Julia, 49. 'She'd had a stillborn brother, so she understood.

'We both knew that if she came to the launch, it would be significant. Without her there, we would have been lucky to make the local press.

She took me shopping and helped me pick an Amanda Wakeley suit. Afterwards, she listened as I practised my speech.

'On the day of the launch, a bouquet arrived wishing me all the best and later, she sent me a note saying she thought it had gone well. That's the sort of person she was. Very, very giving and supportive.'

Today, Julia works from St Mary's hospital, where she holds a NHS post as a maternity and paediatric counsellor.

The walk to her office involves passing through a series of dimly lit, narrow stairways and halls, and finally a small, silent lobby. It feels a world away from the bustle of the rest of the hospital, but it is in this room that, each week, Julia meets the parents of between 12 and 15 children who have died.

Honesty: Prince William spoke of his grief at losing his mother on a recent visit to the Trust

She is there to offer counselling and support, and also to guide bereaved parents through the arrangements that need to be made following a death.

With an NHS identity card hanging around her neck, Julia looks no different to any of her colleagues, despite an illustrious pedigree.

One of the Guinness banking dynasty, her family is still at the heart of affluent British society.

One of her sisters, Sabrina, is a former girlfriend of Prince
Charles. Julia's husband is Michael Samuel, a 56-year-old businessman.
It was through these connections that she ended up meeting and becoming
friends with the Princess in 1987.

The two were seated next to each other at a dinner, and, says Julia, simply 'saw something in each other'.

'Diana and I did ordinary things that any friends would do,' she
says. 'We went for lunch, our children played together, we chatted, we
did family things.

'But occasionally, we would do what I considered "treats" - things
that I would never normally do. For instance, we went to Wimbledon, and
she took me to an Elton John concert and to the Horse of the Year show
at Wembley. It was thrilling to go to such things with her.'

But it is Julia's life of good fortune and privilege that she says inspires her to do what she does today.

'I married at 20, had four children and ran my own decorating business,' she says.

'Then, in my late 20s, I was asked by Anna Harvey, then fashion director at Vogue, and Diana Donovan, wife of the late photographer Terence, to chair the charity Birthright, now called Wellbeing.

'Through that, I started visiting hospitals and it hit me that babies are stillborn and children can die. I suddenly realised how lucky I was.

'I also realised that if a family had a stillbirth or a bereavement, there was no proper service to support them and guide them through what was happening. The thought that bereaved parents might be left floundering haunted me.'

In 1992, having completed a counselling qualification, Julia approached St Mary's and asked about the possibility of becoming a bereavement counsellor for parents of stillborn babies and children who have died.

'I had to do a presentation about what my service would offer,' she says. 'I remember the consultants I sat in front of were professional, but they were fairly old-fashioned and not sure whether they needed me.

Support: The Child Bereavement Trust help children like Jade Goody's sons who have lost a parent

'Eventually, they agreed I could do a year's trial. I was paid something like £25 a week, and my office was a cupboard with no windows.

'What became apparent to me during the year was that the way you are responded to at the time of a death has a profound affect on your ability to grieve fully.

'When I meet a family, they are in an alien environment. They are trying to understand that their child has died, at the same time as answering a whole host of questions, such as whether they want organs to be donated, if they want to hold their child and even what they want their child to wear.

'If, afterwards, you feel you made all the right decisions, you are more likely to move on. However, if you later decide that you wish you'd done something differently, you can get stuck and become angry.

'Research has since proven what I always believed: that it is hugely important for parents to be included in their child's care in the time before and after their death.'

At the end of her trial year, Julia was taken on permanently by the hospital, though she says her office remained a windowless cupboard for another decade.

It was through this post that Julia met Jenny Thomas, who was working as a maternity and paediatric bereavement facilitator for Wycombe NHS trust.

In 1994, they decided to formalise what they were doing into a charity and expand their work to support children who had lost a parent, too - the Child Bereavement Trust was born.

Julia is patron founder and she fits in her voluntary work for the charity around her day job for the NHS.

'The charity has two arms: the first trains professionals such as doctors, nurses, police and teachers how to cope with a bereaved child, or a parent who has lost a child,' she says.

'The charity's other arm responds to families who have lost a child, offering a support line and help finding a counsellor.

'I meet many people who are an inspiration to me. For instance, at our recent conference, a 15-year-old girl called Justine Walker, who has cystic fibrosis, stood up to speak about what she likes and doesn't like about doctors.

'She had such powerful honesty and a sense of humour, despite knowing her life is limited, that I felt incredibly inspired. So yes, while I do work with death, there are many positives to take home each day as well.'

The future for the Child Bereavement Trust, however, is not looking as certain as it was. Thanks to the global economic crisis, income is down 30 per cent this year.

So is Julia hopeful that Prince William's support can provide a boost to their future?

'I've actually been trying to get Prince William involved,' says Julia. 'I've written to him twice over the past few years.

'All charities are struggling, and the future does worry us. We have to do all we can, so anything that raises the profile of our work, such as Prince William's involvement, will help.

'But this isn't just about having a royal patron. It's about being there for children who have lost parents, and parents who have lost a child. As anyone who has been in that situation will testify, it is a confusing and frightening time. Our aim is simply to be able to help.'