Friday, 4 August 2017

Do you really ever get over a traumatic birth?

The answer for me is no, it will always be with me. I still don't think I have ever really come to terms with the fact that I could have died. I look back on Charlie's birth with such happiness but with Isabelle's what happened over shadows that this was the day I became a Mummy. I do feel like I have blocked it out and for some this may work but for me it has been slowly eating away at me for five years. I also think because her birth was so quick, I never gave myself chance to understand what actually happened. I have written about Isabelle's birth story which you can find here. I do fully explain what happened in that post so it might be worth reading that first. I can still remember how utterly terrified I felt and how it was both the best and the worst time of my life. I can't bear to hear the word haemorrhage it sends a shiver down my spine. I had that moment of feeling like this is it, I have brought our baby into the world and now I won't be around to actually be her Mummy. At the time my husband never let on to how severe the situation was. As we approached the birth of Charlie we found ourselves going back to Isabelle's birth and for the first time he opened up. I could tell he was just as scared as me that it could happen again. Not to be overly graphic but all he could say about Isabelle's birth was the amount of blood that he saw in that room.

As long as your baby is healthy and you recover the memories of a traumatic birth should fade away. Well no. Even though I did not experience PTSD it is still hard for me to not be able to look back on Isabelle's birth with complete happiness. It has though made our bond even more special. I feel even luckier to still be here to be her Mummy and that's what I strive to remember when I do think of that time.

It must have been terrifying I can't even comprehend, you're so brave writing about it, it's inspiring to others who went through the same. You have gorgeous children though and the must be proud of their mama! Xx

I'm not sure you do. My birth with Harry was very traumatic in that he wasn't breathing at birth and it took a long time to rescucitate him and then 2 weeks in ICU. I don't think I'll ever get over that, I think it's natural to always look back on it and feel traumatised but it will get easier?

My first birth was traumatic and I was so worried about my second it was unreal but everything turned out fine. I think I will always be afraid of the things that can go wrong with future babies though, once you've had a traumatic birth I don't think you ever really get over it.

Something that will forever anger me is how little aftercare there is for this sort of thing. It can clearly mentally scar people & affect them for the rest of their lives but people just seem to think people can up & forget about it. OR sorry thats what 'should' be done.

I wish there was more help to people who have been affected, not that it can always be 'talked out' but an understanding of it may really help some.

My second child's birth was no way near as traumatic as yours however I felt very out of control over the whole process and felt things were not handled well, over 5 years on I do still dwell on it often. I am sure the memories will fade but will never be forgotten.

I absolutely detest the phrase "at least you have a healthy baby". Its not helpful in the slightest! I don't know if you do ever really get over it, but you can find ways to cope with it. It took me 7 years to seek help but I just finished 8 months of CBT and I can honestly say it helped a lot. I was always labelled with PND which never sat right with me, so when my counsellor diagnosed PTSD it was such a relief. Acknowdelgment of the trauma has been very powerful too. Your feelings are valid and they won't go away. When you're ready you will be able to face them better, but go at your own pace. I'm always here if you want to chat, I also run Birth Trauma Trust if you ever wanted to share your story. Sending lots of love xx

If it's any consolation, I realise now that I had PTSD after the traumatic birth of my now-nine-year-old. I couldn't watch birth programmes because of the emotion flashbacks, and if OH talked about the midwife that we had at the time it would instantly send me into a panicky state. I recently realised those feelings had massively decreased; I guess time really is a healer - or maybe it was me finally understanding and acknowledging what had happened to me?! Either way, those emotions all feel a lot calmer and manageable now - I hope the same happens for you. x

Utterly terrifying really isn't it! I totally get this as I had a traumatic & dangerous birth with son too. He's 12 now so seems so long ago but it still makes me upset on occasions from the recollection of it.