Saturday, December 13, 2008

In case any one is wondering why I keep talking about guardianship/adoption and am not DOING anything, I want to say ... um ... welcome to the system. The wheels of the court turn slowly, and official permanence is low priority. I actually understand that. I have called social workers because a kid was possibly suicidal and I would have been incredulous if she said, "I will try to get out there later today, but I have an appointment to talk with the director about some permanency options for one of my other kids." Not that she would have revealed that, but you get the idea. Things will happen whenever they happen.

It is particularly non-urgent because no one questions where Gary will be living for the next several years. He's here, unless his father makes a surprise appearance, which no one expects. The only question is whether he is here under the umbrella of guardianship, foster care or adoption.

I remain opposed to the termination of parental rights unless it is necessary for the child's safety or permanence. Since it isn't in Gary's case, I am opposed to doing it. It really is that simple for me. I know that there is a difference between being a mom who is present daily and being the mother who left when you were two and never came back. I just don't need for someone else to be made officially not the mother so that I can be the mom.

2 comments:

In Ojibwe culture (and maybe others), we do something called Suspension of Parental Rights (SPR) and do a customary tribal adoption. It really makes more sense than a traditional adoption. There is no termination and the birthparents are still parents yet their actual parenting rights are suspended. I am still trying to find out how they will do the birth certificates since there will be a name change.

This doesn't help you at all, I'm sure. But I thought you might find it interesting.

About Me

Daughter, sister, wife, mother, foster-parent blog writer, philosophy professor ... I am and have been many things. These days my identities as a teacher of bioethics and the daughter of a woman with Parkinson's and dementia lead me to agree with Peter Singer, "It's different when it's your mother."