Sunday, December 14, 2014

Sunday Sermonette: A Hank O' Swank!

I see Pastor Swank has deigned to favor us with his Bull Connor impression today. You may recall that during the late campaign, many of our old friends in the right blogosphere struggled to depict Senator Obama as a Teleprompter-addicted dullard who would comically turn white with fear at the first whiff of an Islamofascist; but they still stopped short of addressing him the way a harried traveler might query a shoeshine provider on the whereabouts of the Chattanooga Choo-choo. The one exception to this conspiracy of restraint was Pastor Swank, a man who considers it his God-given right to use the English language in any way he sees fit — as a chamois for his golf clubs, say, or a furnace filter, cock ring, or doily — and who fervently believes that “grammar” is just another word for “tyranny.” So it came as little surprise last fall when he began referring to Obama as “the Boy.” What did shock me, however, was the speed with which he dropped it in the face of criticism, almost as if he were self-aware, perhaps even evolving toward sentience. As it turns out — not so much.

Mob hysteria rushed The Boy where he is today.Liberal media worked alongside mob hysteria.

I find this reassuring. Even though a majority of Americans are in a mob, and enraged or suicidal enough to rush the President, our hysteria is apparently friendly and cooperative and works well with others.

Now The Boy sits in the White House, surrounded by the crooks he has known during his so-called career mired in Illinois.

Okay, show of hands. Which is worse — Mired in Illinois, or Stuck in Lodi?

What is so frightening is that the socialist Marxist Muslim B. H. Obama is the brainwashed child of Jeremiah Wright.

Wait, I thought he was the secret love child of Malcom X. Come on, can’t we stick with that story? Because then we can dissolve to “Twenty Years Later” and end with a big, score-settling confrontation between a grown Malia Obama and a cyborg Louis Farrakhan, climaxing in a shoot-out with lasers at the Audubon Business and Technology Center.

Though not much is said these days about Wright, he is right there in the Oval Office.

And, one presumes, in the woodpile.

He is implanted in the thought patterns of both Michelle and B. H.

Just like Spock’s katra was implanted in McCoy at the end of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. So I guess the lesson here is, if you want to grow up to be President of the United States one day, never let your pastor touch your head when he’s dying of radiation poisoning.

They are just beneath the skin anti-white, anti-Jew, pro-Muslim and ready to crush any semblance of a Christian nation.

Fortunately, Swank stumbled into a church where they happen to have boxes of these special X-Ray specs that can see beneath the skin of the First Couple…

N.B. The pastor is all out of bubblegum, bitchez!

The Boy and wife have no regard whatsoever for the Christian heritage to this country. They play out their church membership in the most liberal denomination in the United States. But behind that act out is their allegiance to the Koran, Allah and Islam World Rule.

Why do you think Michelle Obama is always going around sleeveless in public? It’s her only chance to flash the guns, since at home she has to wear a burka.

As The Boy has traipsed across the planet recently, he has acted out in body language and spoken word his admiration for Muslims wherever he went.

Not since Lillian Gish in the 1928 classic The Wind have we seen this kind of vivid pantomime.

He bent over backwards to befriend the very coalition out to destroy this Republic.

Having drained our nation of its economic security, The Boy will march forth under Allah’s banner. Those Muslim cells planted in America are waiting for their chance to join The Boy in usurping every office in the nation.

Oh no — Muslim stem cells are going to unite like Voltron to create a giant Lion Force Caliph who will make Barack Obama the Mayor, City Clerk, Animal Control officer and Library Services Administrator of every city in America!

The Boy is Marxist. He is Muslim. He is therefore not what we have always defined in the generic sense as “American.”

Generic humans are a little pastier, and taste more like mayonnaise.

If the hysteriacs had only known who they were pushing into the presidency, they would have never elected The Boy. Even now most of them do not see his destructive agenda. They are still blinded by his charisma.

Quick — We need more magic sunglasses! And some wrestlers!

That in itself is so frightening for it reminds thinking citizens of every despot who ever bobbed to the political and powerful top.

And do we really want to be ruled by iron-fisted flotsam?

Now the United States is victim to “one of them.”

Oh…so that’s what McCain meant by “That One.”

26 Responses to “Mad About The Boy”

Obama is “mired” in a stately house in Hyde Park-Kenwood, walking distance from the University of Chicago and Lake Michigan, not to mention acres of parkland, plus the UofC’s spanking new gym and mammoth pool, libraries, etc., etc. It’s awful here, awful, I tell you. It’s also considered one of the most successfully integrated neighborhoods in the country, let alone Chicago. Yeah, he really hates us whiteys. You can just tell.

Y’know, harmfulguy, with the Swanksta, it’s almost impossible to tell.I mean, he’s stupid enough, or crazy enough, to believe a person can be both a Marxist and a Muslim, so it’s possible he doesn’t know what “The Boy” connotes. But he also has a callous disregard for ordinary grammer, so it’s equally possible he doesn’t care what he sounds like.

Left by Bill S on April 13th, 2009

Words escape me, though not the way they flee Pastor Fuzz’s fingers.
He lives at the other end of the country, right? Pretty soon, one day when he’s driving along he’ll fall into one of his writing trances, hallucinate the proverbial 900-ft. Jesus, & decimate 50 people on the sidewalk. I’d just as soon not be one of them.
I mean, damn.

M. Bouffant, he lives at the other end of sanity, man. I mean, the wheel is spinning, but the hamster’s sitting in the corner going “blibble blibble blibble.”

Left by Mentis Fugit on April 13th, 2009

The Swankster is perfect proof that you can take the racist out of the KKK, but you can’t take the KKK out of the racist. Or somethin’ like that.
I presume he uses “The Boy” because using the word “ni**er” would be, well, uncouth. But you better believe that his core readership reads the n-word every time the Swankster uses “The Boy”. That’s just how they swing, still pining for the days of lynchings in good ole’ Dixie…
- Badtux the Southern Penguin

Its kinda sad. I used to like Swank and his Lewis Carroll-like world, where everything was up-side-down and back-er-wards and twirling around tra-la tra-la!
Now he’s more like a Glen Bleck wannabe. Still…a FOX show starring Swank might be worth watching, just once, so you could tell your grandkids about it.

Left by Kathy on April 13th, 2009

Liberal media worked alongside mob hysteria
Nothing says “reasoned argument” like a mythical committee.Which is worse — Mired in Illinois, or Stuck in Lodi?
One vote for kissing her where it smells: Elizabeth, NJ.brainwashed child of Jeremiah Wright.
On laundry day, Rev Wright hung the freshly washed brains of his young parishoners outside to dry.They are just beneath the skin anti-white, anti-Jew, pro-Muslim and ready to crush any semblance of a Christian nation.
Or, to quote Robot from Lost In Space, “Crush! Kill! Defrock!”He bent over backwards to befriend the very coalition out to destroy this Republic.
I’m going to miss Marilyn Chambers.Those Muslim cells planted in America are waiting for their chance to join The Boy in usurping every office in the nation.
They can have mine. The climate control is on the fritz again.Now the United States is victim to “one of them.”
And….THEY LIVE! IN THE WHITE HOUSE!
(Sorry, man, it was just too juice not to rip you off in your own post…)

Which is worse — Mired in Illinois, or Stuck in Lodi?
I gotta go with Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again.What is so frightening is that the socialist Marxist Muslim B. H. Obama is the brainwashed child of Jeremiah Wright.
A “socialist Marxist”, eh? How come he left out “Leninist” and “Trotskyite” (among others)?It’s her only chance to flash the guns, since at home she has to wear a burka.
Damn, I’m confused. I thought she had to wear the burka when she was outside.

Left by David in NYC on April 14th, 2009

There’s a great sadness in me when I read (or try to) the Swankster’s babble. Yeah, I used to find him funny but now I fear that I would just go all baby seal on him if I met him in person. Stop taking my humor!

Its kinda sad. I used to like Swank and his Lewis Carroll-like world, where everything was up-side-down and back-er-wards and twirling around tra-la tra-la!
I used to feel kind of bad making fun of Swank, too. I used to think that he was a dyslexic guy who, though I disagree with him, at least believes some of the things Christ preached.
I remember one of the funniest Swank columns was the time he took a coat from his church’s donation box, went to a prison to minister, and on his way out, the guards found pot in his coat. What impressed me is the guy actually went to a prison. I can’t see Doug Giles or any of the jackasses on TV ever doing that. They have allied themselves so much with the GOP that they generally applaud mandatory minimums and the lock them away and throw away the key bs.
But my sympathy for Swank ended when he started calling Obama the boy. No amount of idiocy or learning disability can excuse that.
To end this long Swanky digression, I would have a hell of a lot less problem with religious nuts if they just practiced what Christ taught in the Bible. This unholy marriage with the rich in the GOP makes them look completely hypocritical. Since everyone here loves Biblical quotations, I’ll end with this:Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.
I will return to just snarking and not preaching.

Left by Mark S. on April 14th, 2009

The Boy will march forth under Allah’s banner.Is he still bending over backwards at the same time? I would pay to see that.

Left by herr doktor bimler on April 14th, 2009

As for the post title and Pastor’s Wank, it put me in mind of this:Ford was humming something. It was just one note repeated at intervals. He was hoping that somebody would ask him what he was humming, but nobody did. If anybody had asked him he would have said he was humming the first line of a Noel Coward song called ‘Mad About the Boy’ over and over again. It would than have been pointed out to him that he was singing one note, to which he would have replied that for reasons that he hoped would be apparent, he was omitting the ‘about the boy’ bit. He was annoyed that nobody asked.(http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A2934849)

Left by Mentis Fugit on April 14th, 2009

“…who ever bobbed to the political and powerful top.”
It’s just always about the kinky sex, isn’t it?

Left by tensor on April 15th, 2009

“…a man who considers it his God-given right to use the English language in any way he sees fit — as a chamois for his golf clubs, say, or a furnace filter, cock ring, or doily…”
Scott, that line was so damned good, it almost lowered my blood pressure. Best. Swankster. Line. Ever.…until THIS one…” ‘Though not much is said these days about Wright, he is right there in the Oval Office.’And, one presumes, in the woodpile.“OW.
Last one, I promise:“It’s her only chance to flash the guns, since at home she has to wear a burka.”
Yeah, I’d like to SEE some motherfucker try to put a burka on Michelle Obama. I’d pay MONEY to see that shit. Granted, I’d rather see her do a pay-per-view ‘celebrity’ death-match with Sarah Palin, but I’ll take what I can get. Hey, I can’t do roller derby, I need my vicarious thrills.“the hysteriacs”?!?!??!?
Is he fucking serious?
Really.
Has he gone so fucking nuts that he’s looped around to intentionalself-parody?
I really, honestly can’t tell anymore.(Side note: when the Fallen Uterus was working in tourism here in Hillbilly HellHole, we called the old and new-money doyennes of the historical society “The Hysterics,” as in a do-wop girl group. They never did have enough hair to pull off the look, though.)“Oh…so that’s what McCain meant by “That One.”
You betcha.
Personally, I still haven’t gotten over Biden’s “clean” and “eloquent” shit, but as long as he doesn’t get any of US shot, I won’t bitch-slap him yet. YET.
Oh, and:“M. Bouffant, he lives at the other end of sanity, man. I mean, the wheel is spinning, but the hamster’s sitting in the corner going‘blibble blibble blibble.’ ”
Heh heh heh… I just imagined the late Uma The Destroyer doing that. Made my morning.
Ahhhh, but then Badtux hadda go and use an inaccurate stereotype… ’tweren’t JUST here, my friend, not in the least.Check Indiana, Ohio, New Jersey… you get the drift. And the idiots don’t light-up Cincinnati about every other year just for shits & giggles.
Not saying that MORE people doing it than you think makes it any less horrifying or inhuman, just saying, for the eight trillionth fucking time, NOT ALL SOUTHERNERS ARE CRACKERS/BIGOTS/MOUTH-BREATHING FUCKTARDS.
Thank you very fucking much. And yes, I saw the “Southern penguin” bit, but by now, it’s a fucking reflex. If it hadn’t been for Southern libruls, do you think that we would have EVER gotten out from under Unca Dick?
Yeah, granted, they ran Dumbass McSenile as a fix, they WANTED to blame these four hard-assed years on a Democrat, and then plan on going right back in, expecting roses and kisses, but it was still tight. Imagine if John Kerry’s snotty little campaign children had bothered to campaign in the south, how differently it could have gone. So nyeh.
And yes, tensor, it IS always about the kinky sex.” ‘He bent over backwards to befriend the very coalition out to destroy this Republic.’I’m going to miss Marilyn Chambers.“
Heh. Get in line.
And D.:“Quick thought, Pastor Swank: I’m anti-white, and I amwhite. You can’t trust anyone.”
Thank you. Seriously. Makes me wish that my old friend Rogue still blogged, as her masthead used to say something along the lines of, “because white people really piss me off.” Fucking loved that. Still don’t know why she quit, but I miss her writing.http://rogueplanet.blogspot.com/
And lastly:“…to which he would have replied that for reasons that he hoped would be apparent, he was omitting the ‘about the boy’ bit. He was annoyed that nobody asked.”Poifect.
or Prefect, whichever you prefer.

It may be a little bit true that you and Swank need each other sort of like Bush and Osama did. But it is truer to say that you and Swank are like the Burns and Allen of the end times! In fact I wonder if you could trick him into being on a sitcom with you modeled on theirs. Every once in a while you could turn from the TV set to deliver a running commentary. Until you work this out I will settle for your postings. Thank you!

3 comments:

And here I thought the Pastor was just another syntactically-challenged wingnut with a Xtianist bent. Most of them try to code it a bit more subtly in public, but this time he sure let his Confederate battle flag fly, didn't he?

You have to admire the resilience of the human brain, though, as exemplified by Swank and the more recent rightie ranters you guys have showcased here. After six years locked inside the Rage-gasmatron, you'd think by now the smoke from frying synapses would be pouring out of every hole in their heads. But they show no sign of flagging. I tell you: It ain't human!

I hesitate to guess the number of "Americans" who feel the WHITE House has been desecrated to the point that it must indeed be torn down into a woodpile. Then burned. And the ground salted. And the Capital moved to, oh, how about, oh, I dunno...Danville, Virginia?