The story of an accident prone Englishman living in The Netherlands.

Holland could be considered the birth place of the reality game show (despite being one itself). Many of the reality shows now airing on TVs around the world originated from the country. Big Brother, Fear Factor, and that show about that woman’s search for a sperm donor all came from the land of windmills and tulips.Calling them reality shows seems like a bit of a stretch since neither the producers nor contestants appear to have a grip on the shows genre, reality.

The following are actual shows on TV in Holland. I promise I have not made them up:

The Golden Cage:
It might sound like a strip club in the red light district but it is in fact the new incarnation of Big Brother. Contestants spend a minimum of a year in a Villa worth 2 million Euros (which is also the prize) but there is no voting off. The show goes on indefinitely until all but one person has left voluntarily. All participants can do is wait for opponents to get home sick or annoy them until they leave. The show is probably only a few seasons away from the ‘beat your opponents to death to win the prize’ rule with product placement weapon sponsorship.

Undercover Love:
One member of a couple has to pose as singles as they take part in different challenges designed to test how far they are will go to keep their (soon to be over) relationship secret. All this is done while their partner watches via TV. The person who manages to keep their relationship secret wins the prize money which will probably come in handy for any divorce settlements or re-pair costs when their former partner slashes their car tires (or worse).

Weet Wat Je Date:
A group of four singles stand behind a glass barrier in their underwear while a contestant picks out which one they would like to date before they know anything about them. All the producers need to do is put a red filter over the studio lighting and they have a televised version of Amsterdam’s famous red light district.

Fear Factor:
I’m just waiting for the season that makes The Running Man seem less fictional as contestants are hunted down by a fat man on a motorcycle waving a chainsaw about.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Stuart is an accident prone Englishman who has been living in the Netherlands since 2001. Even his move to the country was an unintentional accident, the result of replying to a cryptic job advertisement he found one day in a local British magazine. Since then he has learned to love the Dutch (so much so that he married one of them) and now calls the country home. He started the blog Invading Holland in 2006 as a place to share his strange stories of language misunderstandings, cultural confusions and his own accident prone nature.