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Our piece in Guyism

Ed-in-Chief QWP is now writing a standing relationship column over at Guyism.com. Check out her recent piece on why texting “LOL” is basically the worst thing a man can do.

“LOL!” And other things men should never say if they want to have sex again

Stop it with the LOLs. Seriously. Stop.

I get that it’s an engrained phrase from AIM and T9 flip phone days of yore, but it’s not a viable option anymore for communication. While nervous laughter is a staple in the dialogue of all burgeoning relationships, it’s particularly awkward when spelled out in painstakingly contrived form.

I guarantee you your LOLs annoy pretty much every woman with a moderate level of intelligence. They are almost as much of a turn off as winky faces constructed of parentheses and semi-colons that are used without a scintilla of irony. These are also quite terrible.

Last week I wrote about a guy who came out of the woodwork, predictably, in time for the holiday season. I played ball for a bit, but remembered that our general lack of chemistry and his irritatingly boring concept of banter were not worth my time. After throwing him a final friendly and non-inquisitive response, I was ready for him to drift back into obscurity.

Unfortunately, he had other plans. I could list out other phrases that will prevent you from getting into a woman’s pants, but this screenshot (you’ll recall I love screenshots, as do most women when they are speaking of, complaining about, or analyzing you with their girlfriends) sums it up so perfectly.

I’ll add that though these texts reflect this guy’s absolute lack of game/possible psychosis, he’s actually a very successful, relatively attractive, and otherwise inoffensive 30-year-old man. This isn’t a socially maladjusted middle-aged hermit. There are really no excuses for his inability to communicate like an adult.

LOLs. “Text me if you want.” ?s following a string of unanswered texts. I know you can do better, so please do. When in doubt, it’s a scientific fact that all women love receiving the saucy lady in red emoji hiking up her skirt in a provocative dance pose. She’s always going to be a safer bet than these lame, worthless phrases.