So, without further residue, we thank Satannn herself for the following list of marital Dos and Don’ts. We’d tell you where to send your Thank You notes, but if you locate her, will you let us know? It’s more than the church or the federal government can manage at this point.

As a new wife, you should:

- Allow your husband to wear the suit you chose for him on your wedding day.

You should not:

- Freak out in disapproval of the suit you chose two days before the ceremony, then mandate he get one NOW! Forcing him to custom order one from New York City, have it fully tailored in NYC, then Next-Day-Air it to some unheard-of hotel in Snowflake, AZ. Frankly, the less he spends on the second tux, the more he can spend on you on your honeymoon. Seems simple enough, right? Whatever! …Sigh… (I wish I was out of my box to see this. I would have sounded the warning whistle louder than Bubb Rubb and Lil Sis driving through your living room.)

You should:

- Bask in the glow of the luxurious 17-day Hawaiian vacation and 13 day cruise.

You should not:

- Tell him how if you had married your brother, your dad, or a ‘real man,’ the honeymoon would have been right. *Shudder.* Now that’s just creepy. Even Warren Jeffs is still shivering over that one.

You should:

- Thank your lucky stars that you married a man who willingly sold his hand-restored LaveyCraft race boat and paid off your hidden $10K+ credit card debt in the second month of the marriage. Yeah, the tab which included the balance of your aftermarket chesticles.

You should not:

- Force him to live with, and legally adopt your cat…to which he’s deathly allergic, then laugh to your friends in e-mails about how you make the cat sleep in his face, or open his drawers so she sleeps on his clothes.

You should:

- Be grateful when he embraces the cat, works around the allergies, and even buys a gigonormous Kitty Condo for her.

You should not:

- Have your Internal Affairs detective brother hire a crew, help you break into his home, after you move out, and steal said Kitty Condo, among many, MANY other things, including all his business papers, taxes, every single kitchen utensil and even his underwear. That is just wrong! (Come to think of it, Hey Lifetime TV, we’ve got live surveillance camera footage you can use for the actual movie! Strangely, the cops didn’t want to investigate. Hmmm, justice indeed.)

You should:

- Be excited to live in the brand-new, custom home he built just a year prior to the marriage.

You should not:

- Perjure yourself by claiming in legal documents that you ‘acquired the home during the marriage.’ Let’s be real. Especially if the whole world knew how vehemently you despised the ‘ill-designed’ pantry and insufficient ‘laundry cave’.

- Or tell him that when he turns his back you will burn the house and the garage down and laugh as you watch the flames ascending. (Did your parents put you to sleep as a child by a betamax copy of “The burning bed”?)

You should:

- Let the truth about your health history be known to your spouse, and stay on your prescribed medications…if you have any mercy in your alleged soul.

You should not:

- Discontinue your antidepressant/mood stabilizer cocktails just before the wedding, and bury the knowledge of your violent Bipolar and Histrionic Personality Disorders down deep, like the late family hamster in a shoebox eight inches deep in the back yard.

You should:

- Thoroughly enjoy being pampered with a brand-new, custom ordered, SUV, four months into the marriage. Oh. That you hand-picked, by the way.

You should not:

- Pitch a fit when the title does not say ‘or.’ Then demand it immediately changed to read “Tracy Webb Miller OR Buzzz Miller”, turn around, sign his name off the title and never once declare it marital property in your pre-planned divorce.

You should:

- Request money from him, informing him of what household need the money was to be used for.

You should not:

- Take the IRS refund check off his desk, forge his name on the back, cash it and blow the money like a powerball winner. Then lie about the check; “I can’t believe you are so stupid that you lost it!” Sweetheart, he has the actual check, two independent handwriting professionals testimonies, video surveillance, as well as a bank tellers witness. Your denial has become a bigger catch-all than the front of Bill Clintons’ shirt at an all-you-can-eat nacho blowout!

You should:

- Pray that things will work out and you can be happy.

You should not:

- Tell him after the race that you prayed as hard as you could that his racecar would crash, catch on fire and that he would die in the fiery aftermath.

You should:

- Communicate your frustrations in words. You know. Like even quasi-mentally-healthy people do.

You should not:

- Wrap his dream truck, the beloved slammed white Duramax Dually, around a bright yellow pole in a wide open parking lot under the thick cover of the midday Arizona sun.

Maybe you should even steer away from:

- Telling your patient, non-violent husband, “I would rather be beat by my other husbands than be married to you.” And; “Get it through your head, I don’t like you!” (I have seen less red flags waving in the “Behind the Iron Curtin – Hammer and Sickle” festival.)

Oh, and while we’re on the subject, it may be frowned upon if you:

- Email your boyfriend on your 18 month anniversary about how your hubby’s “going to be paying quite a bit for quite a while. [The lawyer’s wife] is looking into what I can get out of this. Things like compensation for the last 4 years of my life wasted on him. Lying and deceit upon marriage, Etc…”

- E-mail and picture message your naked pictures to various other men.

- Email the same boyfriend documentation of your present prescription drug abuse that would make even Keith Richards blush.

- Demand dining out five times a week, watching the latest movies before even Roger Ebert, spend money like a Trump, throw fits like a Kardashian, steal from him like Prometheus, show the respect of Manson.

- Forbid his brother from attending the wedding ceremony.

- Lie to his family about your husband’s behavior. Yeah, they were all in the room, hearing you scream the actual truth on the cell phone. Yes princess, speaker phones work wonders.

- Or how about the time you called him on the phone on your way down to Tucson, then put the phone down, forgetting to hang it up and told your passenger for the next 20 minutes about how awful your husband was. Yes, we both heard your stories loud and clear. We will just set that in the ‘no-no’ list.

- Lie to his friends and fellow church-goers. Newsflash. He still lives in his home and has to attend the Church of Ashes you left him with.

- Crank the amp to 11 by telling his religious leaders of his ‘addiction to Devil music,’ including but not limited to Boston, Queen, Paul Gilbert and Metallica. (C’mon here. He is God fearing, not Amish!)

- Slander his name and reputation to the Cub and Boy Scouts of America organizations, disqualifying him from further service in either.

If you enjoy having a husband with an income, it might behoove you to not:

- Go to the personal homes and lie to his best client’s wives, causing them to stop doing business with him. Let’s think of where those paychecks come from, Toots.

- Force him to part-and-parcel off his entire racing career, a huge advertising tool gathering more than half of his yearly income. A car to Peoria, a rear end to Australia, an engine to St. Louis, another to Glendale and one more to Kentucky, wheels to Chicago, and his soul to God-Knows-Where.

You should:

- Exhibit some basic human sympathy when his two pets die within two months of each other.

You should not:

- Kill them. ‘Nuf said.

- Oh. Or hysterically laugh for two solid hours when the first dies. Usually a dead give-away of the culprit’s identity.

You should:

- Allow your husband the courtesy of using his home for the purpose for which, it was built.

You should not:

- Force him to sleep on the den floor on a foam pad he borrowed from a friend’s garage with a duct taped moving blanket for cover.

You should:

- Take out your aggressions at, say, a kickboxing class or a Tae-Bo video, perhaps. Or, perhaps, get a job.

You should not:

- Stamp with both feet on the sight of his spinal fusion neurosurgery and mumble; “Maybe if you were paralyzed you would listen to me.”

You should:

- Communicate your desires and expectations.

You should not:

- Brag about the 18 years you spent chasing one-night stands at dance clubs and describe, in gory detail, what each one of those, ahem, ‘encounters’ were like. Then declare; “Why aren’t you more like them?”

You should:

- Discuss fertility concerns with your spouse.

You should not:

- Steal his money and secretly undergo fertility treatments, then email your boyfriend, Steve, “I desperately want to have a baby. I just really want one . . .With or without Buzzz I will have a baby.” (Hey, what did you do after the time you called when you thought you were pregnant? Did you have it?)

You should:

- Go to church, as you professed you would.

You should not:

- Be seen dating other guys…especially by your husband’s fellow church-goers.

You should:

- Stay home from church when you are simply too sick to attend.

You should not:

- Stay home and engage in activities that leave you smelling like a marathon hockey practice, wearing a porno schoolgirl outfit, no underwear, with hair and slutty make-up slurred around as if grecko-roman wrestling as on the day’s activities, with the sheets ripped of the master bed, and the house pretty much total stench and disarray.

You should:

- Take an interest in your spouse’s well being.

You should not:

- Spike his milk with 28 tablets of amphetamine salts and methylphenidates…drugs that previously caused him cardiac arrest. Heck, even hanging around to call 911 after you watch him fall to the earth with no pulse or breath might be semi-merciful. Raising your hands into the air and declaring; “Finally!” was not what I had in mind.

And last and certainly not least, if, after all this you tell your husband he will never find another person that loves him like you do, and he replies;

“If I ever see anyone in my life ever love me like you do, ever treat me like you do, I will run. I will run as fast as I can, as far as I can with as much strength as I can possibly muster. I will run until my lungs burn and begin to bleed. I will run. I WILL RUN. I don’t know anyone on this earth evil enough to love me like you do or treat me like you do. But if I do, I will run.”

You should believe him!

So here are my thoughts. I have decided to sacrifice myself on the auction block to make just enough money for him to go on a few meaningful dates with women more stable than you, like Squeaky Fromme or Lorena Bobbitt. But wait, there’s more. High bidder also gets draft one and draft two of this advertisement, with 13 pages of bonus material that you do not want to miss. High bidder also gets certain e-mails to verify all the validity of stated points, color glossy pictures and I will even throw in other stuff as requested, or just as it comes up. You will not be disappointed! So please, bid accordingly. I may look simple, boring or plain. But I am the REAL DEAL, baby!...which is more than we can say for Delta Burke’s Louis Vuitton.

loochy

06-24-2010, 02:51 PM

I'm afraid to get married because of this.

Detoxing

06-24-2010, 03:00 PM

WTF. Crazy bitch. She had better have been hot if he put up with that shit.

Sweet Daddy Hate

06-24-2010, 03:00 PM

Good lord.

SnakeXJones

06-24-2010, 03:01 PM

This guy deserves a medal of honor

|Zach|

06-24-2010, 03:04 PM

If this is even real then all I can think is...how could someone not see all these red flags before marriage...

Dicky McElephant

06-24-2010, 03:04 PM

WTF. Crazy bitch. She had better have been hot if he put up with that shit.

Exhibit A:

Numbah One

06-24-2010, 03:05 PM

WTF. Crazy bitch. She had better have been hot if he put up with that shit.

Above average. Nothing special.

http://i49.tinypic.com/2qk40et.jpg

http://i45.tinypic.com/jgqgps.jpg

Fish

06-24-2010, 03:05 PM

I don't feel very sorry for the guy if he actually put up with that much before he figured out she was fucking crazy...

kysirsoze

06-24-2010, 03:06 PM

Could not finish...got the point....if this guy put up with all this, he had it coming.

Brock

06-24-2010, 03:06 PM

This guy deserves a medal of honor

No, he deserves exactly what he got.

Brock

06-24-2010, 03:07 PM

Above average. Nothing special.

http://i49.tinypic.com/2qk40et.jpg

http://i45.tinypic.com/jgqgps.jpg

"Above average"? No, not really.

Frazod

06-24-2010, 03:07 PM

I'm afraid to get married because of this.

To be fair, if you post on this BB you probably don't make enough to attract one of them.

Donger

06-24-2010, 03:08 PM

Exhibit A:

Oh yeah. Crazy eyes. I've seen those before.

This guy should have heard the immortal words of Duke Leto Atreides loud and clear.

loochy

06-24-2010, 03:10 PM

To be fair, if you post on this BB you probably don't make enough to attract one of them.

LOL...dar that is true.

Numbah One

06-24-2010, 03:11 PM

To be fair, if you post on this BB you probably don't make enough to attract one of them.

So THAT'S where Dane has been. This is his auction.

Slainte

06-24-2010, 03:11 PM

Exhibit A:

She's adorable. How could anyone not etc, etc, ....

Frazod

06-24-2010, 03:14 PM

LOL...dar that is true.

Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of mean and crazy girlfriends, but they just weren't this dedicated or organized.

Plus, none of them ever tried to kill me.

Not from lack of wanting to, though.

(the feeling's mutual on that last one). :grr:

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 03:18 PM

This is why you should not be pussy whupped.

If a guy is his own man, he never marries a bitch like that. Guys that watch chic flicks to make their woman happy and let her tell him where he can go and what he can or can't do, don't deserve the sack he was born with. Guy had it coming.

I had a friend so whupped he was watching Ameican Psycho and his wife didn't like it. She told him to turn it off halfway through and he did. "well I consider that being a good husband" he told me. "And I consider that being a spineless pussy." She also wouldn't let him go out with us to have a beer. Ever. He would hide behind the "Oh I didn't want to go anyway" bullshit but we all knew what it really was.

Donger

06-24-2010, 03:19 PM

This is why you should not be pussy whupped.

If a guy is his own man, he never marries a bitch like that. Guys that watch chic flicks to make their woman happy and let her tell him where he can go and what he can or can't do, don't deserve the sack he was born with. Guy had it coming.

I had a friend so whupped he was watching Ameican Psycho and his wife didn't like it. She told him to turn it off halfway through and he did. "well I consider that being a good husband" he told me. "And I consider that being a spineless pussy." She also wouldn't let him go out with us to have a beer. Ever. He would hide behind the "Oh I didn't want to go anyway" bullshit but we all knew what it really was.

Watching chick flicks?

MOhillbilly

06-24-2010, 03:21 PM

retard. baby oil the shower stall you fuckin nerd.

Dicky McElephant

06-24-2010, 03:21 PM

This is why you should not be pussy whupped.

If a guy is his own man, he never marries a bitch like that. Guys that watch chic flicks to make their woman happy and let her tell him where he can go and what he can or can't do, don't deserve the sack he was born with. Guy had it coming.

I had a friend so whupped he was watching Ameican Psycho and his wife didn't like it. She told him to turn it off halfway through and he did. "well I consider that being a good husband" he told me. "And I consider that being a spineless pussy." She also wouldn't let him go out with us to have a beer. Ever. He would hide behind the "Oh I didn't want to go anyway" bullshit but we all knew what it really was.

I watch chick flicks with my wife because it's a trade off. She watches movies that she doesn't like with me as well.

gblowfish

06-24-2010, 03:25 PM

This guy is an idiot. He has nobody to blame but himself for hooking up with a psycho.

Frazod

06-24-2010, 03:26 PM

I watch chick flicks with my wife because it's a trade off. She watches movies that she doesn't like with me as well.

You need an extra TV.

Dicky McElephant

06-24-2010, 03:27 PM

You need an extra TV.

You know how much fun it is to watch a chick flick and crack jokes every 5 seconds? Sooner or later she just tells me to stop watching....or she'll turn it off. :D

Reerun_KC

06-24-2010, 03:29 PM

This is why you should not be pussy whupped.

If a guy is his own man, he never marries a bitch like that. Guys that watch chic flicks to make their woman happy and let her tell him where he can go and what he can or can't do, don't deserve the sack he was born with. Guy had it coming.

I had a friend so whupped he was watching Ameican Psycho and his wife didn't like it. She told him to turn it off halfway through and he did. "well I consider that being a good husband" he told me. "And I consider that being a spineless pussy." She also wouldn't let him go out with us to have a beer. Ever. He would hide behind the "Oh I didn't want to go anyway" bullshit but we all knew what it really was.

First I would rather stay home and have a awesome evening with my wife than go out to a bar with a bunch of guys... Much better time and the results are much more with the effort.

Second, I watch chick flicks to a point, But she watches action and comedy films as well... Its called respect.

Respecting my wife has nothing to do with being whipped... The bond we share is greater than anything some dude can share with you, Unless your GoChiefs... Then butt darts on friday night is the main game...

Reerun_KC

06-24-2010, 03:30 PM

You need an extra TV.
Have 3 in the man shak.....

Frazod

06-24-2010, 03:33 PM

You know how much fun it is to watch a chick flick and crack jokes every 5 seconds? Sooner or later she just tells me to stop watching....or she'll turn it off. :D

I find no joy in it.

I'm still traumatized from one of them making me watch Steel Fucking Magnolias :# It was a tradeoff for her watching Casablanca. CASABLANCA, generally regarded as the greatest, or at least one of the top five, movies ever made. Boy, did I get screwed on that deal - even Dolly Parton's chest couldn't save that turd. FUCK. GAH. :# :# :#

That was about 20 years ago, I haven't watched a chick flick since.

:cuss:

Donger

06-24-2010, 03:34 PM

I find no joy in it.

I'm still traumatized from one of them making me watch Steel ****ing Magnolias :# It was a tradeoff for her watching Casablanca. CASABLANCA, generally regarded as the greatest, or at least one of the top five, movies ever made. Boy, did I get screwed on that deal - even Dolly Parton's chest couldn't save that turd. ****. GAH. :# :# :#

What man shack? I live in a 3 bedroom house with my wife, 3 year old daughter and two dogs.....AND we have twin girls on the way. There is no room for a man shack. Maybe when they're older and we get a bigger house.

Reerun_KC

06-24-2010, 03:36 PM

I find no joy in it.

I'm still traumatized from one of them making me watch Steel ****ing Magnolias :# It was a tradeoff for her watching Casablanca. CASABLANCA, generally regarded as the greatest, or at least one of the top five, movies ever made. Boy, did I get screwed on that deal - even Dolly Parton's chest couldn't save that turd. ****. GAH. :# :# :#

That was about 20 years ago, I haven't watched a chick flick since.

:cuss:

Whatever....

Slainte

06-24-2010, 03:36 PM

Give blood.. and keep blood between brothers.

Dicky McElephant

06-24-2010, 03:37 PM

I find no joy in it.

I'm still traumatized from one of them making me watch Steel Fucking Magnolias :# It was a tradeoff for her watching Casablanca. CASABLANCA, generally regarded as the greatest, or at least one of the top five, movies ever made. Boy, did I get screwed on that deal - even Dolly Parton's chest couldn't save that turd. FUCK. GAH. :# :# :#

That was about 20 years ago, I haven't watched a chick flick since.

:cuss:

Oh man.....shits changed. 3/4 of the chick flicks that she watches....at least have hot enough chicks in them that I can tone out the dialogue. With one of my first girlfriends....I had to watch "Message in a Bottle"....and that was horrible. But that was back when I was guaranteed ass if I watched those horrible movies....so I didn't care.

Reerun_KC

06-24-2010, 03:40 PM

What man shack? I live in a 3 bedroom house with my wife, 3 year old daughter and two dogs.....AND we have twin girls on the way. There is no room for a man shack. Maybe when they're older and we get a bigger house.

This is where we watch all games and movies. I even have my office out here so when I dont want to drive to work, I work from here.

boogblaster

06-24-2010, 03:43 PM

12 gauge pump ...

Frazod

06-24-2010, 03:45 PM

Whatever....

Seriously. My wife (who I've been married to for nine years and dated/lived with several years before that) doesn't care about chick flicks, or any movies all that much (she likes baseball). When it comes to movies, we generally watch what I want to watch, and if it's something she doesn't like, she just goes in the other room. We have TV shows that we watch together, but none are "chicky".

The trade off is that she LOVES karaoke. That's my personal hell.

gblowfish

06-24-2010, 03:51 PM

There's 2 big screen TVs in my house for the same reason.
She watches the "Ghost Whisperer" marathon, so I can watch NFL Network, MLB Network, Military Channel, Comedy Central, etc. We're both happy that way.

loochy

06-24-2010, 03:52 PM

When he said "huge bitch" story, I expected it would be about a fat woman.

http://www.topnews.in/files/Fat-Woman.jpg

:rolleyes:

luv

06-24-2010, 03:53 PM

Seriously. My wife (who I've been married to for nine years and dated/lived with several years before that) doesn't care about chick flicks, or any movies all that much (she likes baseball). When it comes to movies, we generally watch what I want to watch, and if it's something she doesn't like, she just goes in the other room. We have TV shows that we watch together, but none are "chicky".

The trade off is that she LOVES karaoke. That's my personal hell.

Isn't that how you met? I forget.

luv

06-24-2010, 03:54 PM

When he said "huge bitch" story, I expected it would be about a fat woman.

:rolleyes:

LMAO

Me too. I was going to tell him he's beginning to remind me of badgirl with all the fat people hate. Oh well. I'll save that fun for another day.

sandynme

06-24-2010, 03:59 PM

if that bitch is above average to anyone on the planet ive got a couple of low maintenance dogs to pimp out that put her or should i say IT to shame.that is one butt ugly cunt with bitch wrote all up and down the side of its ugly fucking face

sandynme

06-24-2010, 04:00 PM

P A T H E T I C on both ends

loochy

06-24-2010, 04:02 PM

if that bitch is above average to anyone on the planet ive got a couple of low maintenance dogs to pimp out that put her or should i say IT to shame.that is one butt ugly cunt with bitch wrote all up and down the side of its ugly fucking face

I dunno...if someone put her in "The OFFICIAL Would you?" thread, I'd say yes...

This is where we watch all games and movies. I even have my office out here so when I dont want to drive to work, I work from here.

Got any money you wanna donate to my man cave?

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 04:07 PM

First I would rather stay home and have a awesome evening with my wife than go out to a bar with a bunch of guys... Much better time and the results are much more with the effort.

Second, I watch chick flicks to a point, But she watches action and comedy films as well... Its called respect.

Respecting my wife has nothing to do with being whipped... The bond we share is greater than anything some dude can share with you, Unless your GoChiefs... Then butt darts on friday night is the main game...

You're pussy whupped. My former friend gave me almost the exact same line of bullshit you're giving here.

The only thing more pathetic than a man who is whupped is a man who doesn't even know he's whupped.

Spend anytime with your wife? Or is she chained to the stove the entire 16 years?

loochy

06-24-2010, 04:11 PM

I've been married for 16 years.

Damn. Suck on that bitch.

http://www.japanitup.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/oh-snap.jpg

'Hamas' Jenkins

06-24-2010, 04:12 PM

This is why you should not be pussy whupped.

If a guy is his own man, he never marries a bitch like that. Guys that watch chic flicks to make their woman happy and let her tell him where he can go and what he can or can't do, don't deserve the sack he was born with. Guy had it coming.

I had a friend so whupped he was watching Ameican Psycho and his wife didn't like it. She told him to turn it off halfway through and he did. "well I consider that being a good husband" he told me. "And I consider that being a spineless pussy." She also wouldn't let him go out with us to have a beer. Ever. He would hide behind the "Oh I didn't want to go anyway" bullshit but we all knew what it really was.

Any woman who would tell you to turn off AP deserves to be hit with an axe to the face and have their body dissolved in a bathtub in Hell's Kitchen.

Frazod

06-24-2010, 04:14 PM

I've been married for 16 years.

Damn. Suck on that bitch.

That's nice. How often do you beat her?

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 04:15 PM

Spend anytime with your wife? Or is she chained to the stove the entire 16 years?

This is a dumb fuck of a comment.

Dicky McElephant

06-24-2010, 04:17 PM

This is a dumb fuck of a comment.

Coming from you.....that means a lot.

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 04:17 PM

Any woman who would tell you to turn off AP deserves to be hit with an axe to the face and have their body dissolved in a bathtub in Hell's Kitchen.

Fucking a right. What kind of pussy of a man let's his wife dictate to him like that?

That's nice. How often do you beat her?

My wife is the shit. I love her more than anything on the face of the planet. And she respects me. I would never ask her to ride a roller coaster because she hates em. She would never ask me to watch a chic flick for the same reason (I'm lucky in that regard because she thinks only mindless women watch chic flicks).

If you love someone why would you ask them to do something you know they hate? Fucking stupid. Respect my ass. If you respect them, let them do something they like while you do something you like. That's the definition of a great relationship.

Reerun_KC

06-24-2010, 04:18 PM

You're pussy whupped. My former friend gave me almost the exact same line of bullshit you're giving here.

The only thing more pathetic than a man who is whupped is a man who doesn't even know he's whupped.

ROFL

So much fail... Keep dreaming my friend, keep dreaming.... I find this beyond priceless... Such a generalized rebuttle...

Do you have any proof to back up your claims?

Reerun_KC

06-24-2010, 04:19 PM

****ing a right. What kind of pussy of a man let's his wife dictate to him like that?

My wife is the shit. I love her more than anything on the face of the planet. And she respects me. I would never ask her to ride a roller coaster because she hates em. She would never ask me to watch a chic flick for the same reason (I'm lucky in that regard because she thinks only mindless women watch chic flicks).

If you love someone why would you ask them to do something you know they hate? ****ing stupid. Respect my ass. If you respect them, let them do something they like while you do something you like. That's the definition of a great relationship.

But you just told me that was being whipped.... So now your whipped?

Reerun_KC

06-24-2010, 04:19 PM

That's nice. How often do you beat her?

:clap:

Donger

06-24-2010, 04:20 PM

If you respect them, let them do something they like while you do something you like.

If I may, what do you do together that you both like?

'Hamas' Jenkins

06-24-2010, 04:21 PM

If any of this is true, this woman is probably otherworldly in the sack.

Frazod

06-24-2010, 04:25 PM

If any of this is true, this woman is probably otherworldly in the sack.

That does seem to go hand-in-hand with BATSHIT INSANE.

Otter

06-24-2010, 04:25 PM

I'm guessing this guy looked something like the guy in lemonpledges avatar and this was the first girl to ever touch his hooha.

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 04:26 PM

If I may, what do you do together that you both like?

Yard work

Traveling to Vegas (without the kids) as often as possible

We both exercise together (she's my training partner)

We both watch football together and UFC (we both train in martial arts actually).

We go on dates all the time (now that the oldest is old enough to be a live in baby sitter)

House remodeling

on and on and on

But I also do tons of shit without her, and she without me and we encourage that because it's healthy not to be up each others ass all the time.

After 16+ years together we know how each other click. But she would never ask me to do some shit with her that she knows I hate, and I do the same. Why would I? And if I want to go out with my friends I tell her and she says "just make sure you have a sober driver." My wife doesn't dictate to me and I don't dictate to her. Men that let women dictate to them are pussy whupped.

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 04:28 PM

I'm guessing this guy looked something like the guy in lemonpledges avatar and this was the first girl to ever touch his hooha.

This.

Girl is "ok" looking. But again, I know a lot of guys here in the midwest that are just flat out whupped. More than anyplace else I've ever lived. I really believe it's a geographical thing.

loochy

06-24-2010, 04:28 PM

Yard work

Traveling to Vegas (without the kids) as often as possible

We both exercise together (she's my training partner)

We both watch football together and UFC (we both train in martial arts actually).

We go on dates all the time (now that the oldest is old enough to be a live in baby sitter)

House remodeling

on and on and on

But I also do tons of shit without her, and she without me

Wow how much time do you have on your hands? Do you have jobs?

Detoxing

06-24-2010, 04:28 PM

That does seem to go hand-in-hand with BATSHIT INSANE.

Thank her dad for the damaged goods?

luv

06-24-2010, 04:28 PM

My wife is the shit. I love her more than anything on the face of the planet. And she respects me. I would never ask her to ride a roller coaster because she hates em. She would never ask me to watch a chic flick for the same reason (I'm lucky in that regard because she thinks only mindless women watch chic flicks).

If you love someone why would you ask them to do something you know they hate? ****ing stupid. Respect my ass. If you respect them, let them do something they like while you do something you like. That's the definition of a great relationship.

Okay, so this makes more sense. The way you were coming across before, you sounded like you had no respect for women and always did your own thing, regardless of what they thought. You are lucky. You found someone who has never asked you to sacrifice anything, and you do the same for her.

How am I a bitch exactly?

eazyb81

06-24-2010, 04:29 PM

LOL, what a pathetic chump loser.

The chick was partially correct - any "real man" would not have put up with a fraction of her shit.

Girl is "ok" looking. But again, I know a lot of guys here in the midwest that are just flat out whupped. More than anyplace else I've ever lived. I really believe it's a geographical thing.

Again, Where is the proof? Your generalizing everybody in your mind that this is FACT...

When it is further from the truth than you want to admit...

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 04:33 PM

Wow how much time do you have on your hands? Do you have jobs?

Lord. You do yard work on the weekends. You train in the evenings for an hour or so. You take a vacation once or twice a year. You do home remodeling as you go.

You don't know how to properly manage your time?

Okay, so this makes more sense. The way you were coming across before, you sounded like you had no respect for women and always did your own thing, regardless of what they thought. You are lucky. You found someone who has never asked you to sacrifice anything, and you do the same for her.

I respect good women immensely. A good woman respects her man, doesn't try to tell him who his friends can be, where he can and can't go, make him watch chic flicks and do shit she knows he hates to do. That's fucked up. A guy does the same for his women. It's called mutual respect. I see less of that out of women who have jealousy and insecurity issues, who then marry men with little self esteem. I never had a problem getting women (and that's not bragging dammit) so I never had the self esteem problem. I married an awesome woman who can cook, is the best mom, smart, witty, tough, sexy, and still loves to party. But she still has never tried to dictate to me. Because she respects me. I'm luck as shit.

How am I a bitch exactly?

Apologize for that I didn't see you were a female until after the quote. So it was more like callin a dude a bitch when I wrote it.

teedubya

06-24-2010, 04:34 PM

http://www.slanteyedfishhead.com/SEFH-TracyMiller-dot-com.mp3

luv

06-24-2010, 04:34 PM

While I know that "sacrificing" is one one of showing respect to your partner, I do think it should go both ways. If you do a lot of things separately, cool. I just have to say that it takes a really insecure person to put up with the shit listed in the OP. Even I wouldn't stay with someone who tried to kill me. :)

MOhillbilly

06-24-2010, 04:35 PM

im pussy whupped and i love it.

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 04:35 PM

How do you know they're "whupped"? Maybe their wives make the same sacrifices.

Not in the cases I see. My wife says they are pussy whupped too.

eazyb81

06-24-2010, 04:36 PM

I respect good women immensely. A good woman respects her man, doesn't try to tell him who his friends can be, where he can and can't go, make him watch chic flicks and do shit she knows he hates to do. That's ****ed up. A guy does the same for his women. It's called mutual respect. I see less of that out of women who have jealousy and insecurity issues, who then marry men with little self esteem. I never had a problem getting women (and that's not bragging dammit) so I never had the self esteem problem. I married an awesome woman who can cook, is the best mom, smart, witty, tough, sexy, and still loves to party. But she still has never tried to dictate to me. Because she respects me. I'm luck as shit.

Well said.

luv

06-24-2010, 04:38 PM

I respect good women immensely. A good woman respects her man, doesn't try to tell him who his friends can be, where he can and can't go, make him watch chic flicks and do shit she knows he hates to do. That's ****ed up. A guy does the same for his women. It's called mutual respect. I see less of that out of women who have jealousy and insecurity issues, who then marry men with little self esteem. I never had a problem getting women (and that's not bragging dammit) so I never had the self esteem problem. I married an awesome woman who can cook, is the best mom, smart, witty, tough, sexy, and still loves to party. But she still has never tried to dictate to me. Because she respects me. I'm luck as shit.

Apologize for that I didn't see you were a female until after the quote. So it was more like callin a dude a bitch when I wrote it.

I have a friend who automatically stops talking to me whenever he starts seeing someone. Sack of shit. He's cool as hell to hang out with, but I guess he's insecure when it comes to relationships. I've put up with it a few times, but this time I've written him off. Friends don't treat friends like that, especially when they're not even yet committed to whoever they're dating.

MOhillbilly

06-24-2010, 04:38 PM

how is being shit being lucky?

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 04:40 PM

I will give an example...............

A few weeks ago I told someone I thought was a good friend that we were getting together with some buddies to go out one night, grab a few drinks and steaks and hang out. He said "sounds fun as hell". He told me he wanted to go. So I said "ok well just meet us here." This was about a week and a half before the plans mind you.

As the week rolled on I suspected he would tell his wife and then she'd bitch about it, and he'd slowly start backing out. Sure enough the week we were supposed to go out he mumbled something about that being "family night". Then just avoided the subject all together. That Saturday rolled around and sure enough he didn't show. When I called him Sunday he said "well I told you that was family night" (he never told me that for one, and two he committed 10-11 days in advance) and then he said "I didn't want to go anyway!"

Mind you every time his wife goes out of town he comes over and hangs out. But if she is home, he will make plans and back out last minute everytime. That's fucking pussy whupped because we both know she's telling him no he can't go, and he's letting her dictate that to him.

Spott

06-24-2010, 04:42 PM

Divorce stories like this make me appreciate how drama free my divorce was and how glad I am that I'm not married anymore.

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 04:44 PM

I have a friend who automatically stops talking to me whenever he starts seeing someone. Sack of shit. He's cool as hell to hang out with, but I guess he's insecure when it comes to relationships. I've put up with it a few times, but this time I've written him off. Friends don't treat friends like that, especially when they're not even yet committed to whoever they're dating.

In that case it could be the woman dictating to him that he can't talk to you.

Again, pussy whupped. My wife doesn't even care if women flirt with me. She knows I'm not going anywhere. But again, that's security in a relationship. And the reason she has that is because of me. I always make her feel secure, so there is no jealousy. Like I said, we have an awesome relationship.

Donger

06-24-2010, 04:47 PM

Yard work

Traveling to Vegas (without the kids) as often as possible

We both exercise together (she's my training partner)

We both watch football together and UFC (we both train in martial arts actually).

We go on dates all the time (now that the oldest is old enough to be a live in baby sitter)

House remodeling

on and on and on

But I also do tons of shit without her, and she without me and we encourage that because it's healthy not to be up each others ass all the time.

After 16+ years together we know how each other click. But she would never ask me to do some shit with her that she knows I hate, and I do the same. Why would I? And if I want to go out with my friends I tell her and she says "just make sure you have a sober driver." My wife doesn't dictate to me and I don't dictate to her. Men that let women dictate to them are pussy whupped.

Sounds like a guy with a vagina, NTTAWWT.

luv

06-24-2010, 04:48 PM

In that case it could be the woman dictating to him that he can't talk to you.

Again, pussy whupped. My wife doesn't even care if women flirt with me. She knows I'm not going anywhere. But again, that's security in a relationship. And the reason she has that is because of me. I always make her feel secure, so there is no jealousy. Like I said, we have an awesome relationship.

I don't think the person he sees even knows I exist. Seriously. I think it's something he's come to impose upon himself. Of course, it might be different with me being a female friend. Not that it should.

You know, if someone is insecure enough to put up with someone "dictating" to them, then they deserve the other person who is insecure enough to feel they need to control the other person.

soopamanluva

06-24-2010, 05:15 PM

This guy is an idiot. He has nobody to blame but himself for hooking up with a psycho.

pretty much

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 05:17 PM

Sounds like a guy with a vagina, NTTAWWT.

Know a lot of guys with vaginas that have 450+ bench presses and 650 pound squats do you?

Dicky McElephant

06-24-2010, 05:20 PM

Know a lot of guys with vaginas that have 450+ bench presses and 650 pound squats do you?

http://fspike.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/female_body_builders08.jpg

kstater

06-24-2010, 05:27 PM

Know a lot of guys with vaginas that have 450+ bench presses and 650 pound squats do you?

You drive a big truck too don't ya.

Donger

06-24-2010, 05:29 PM

Know a lot of guys with vaginas that have 450+ bench presses and 650 pound squats do you?

Your wife can lift that much weight?

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 05:30 PM

You drive a big truck too don't ya.

Nope. Don't like trucks.

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 05:31 PM

http://fspike.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/female_body_builders08.jpg

I'm not sure what that is, but it doesn't bench 450 and squat 650. Big muscles don't mean that someone is strong.

You guys are those dumbasses that do a lot of stereotyping aren't you?

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 05:32 PM

Your wife can lift that much weight?

Yes.
:rolleyes:

Donger

06-24-2010, 05:34 PM

Yes.
:rolleyes:

I think you are confused, then. I was suggesting that your wife has many of what most people would consider to be male tendencies. I was also suggesting that she has a vagina.

For some reason, you then brought up lifting weights.

TheGuardian

06-24-2010, 05:38 PM

I think you are confused, then. I was suggesting that your wife has many of what most people would consider to be male tendencies. I was also suggesting that she has a vagina.

For some reason, you then brought up lifting weights.

Ok I thought you were saying I had the vag. My bad.

My wife likes physical activities like lifting weights and sports. But she also loves her rose gardens, cooking, painting, and Sarah McLaughlen. I couldn't have picked better. I don't like women who like chic flicks and are overly emotional. Those women are high maintenance as fuck. No thanks.

Didn't read the whole thing, but she joined FB in August of 2008 and listed herself as single (and I think that refund check is from 2006), and he's just now spewing all of this on eBay for the world to see? It's crazy enough he didn't kick her to the curb before almost all of that crap even happened in the first place, but he's still not over it 2 years later? I hope selling the ring helps... :shrug:

MahiMike

06-24-2010, 10:35 PM

If this is even real then all I can think is...how could someone not see all these red flags before marriage...

This. Was thinking that thru the whole post.

KCrockaholic

06-24-2010, 11:46 PM

I'm afraid to get married because of this.

lol My thoughts at first too. But I know my girl isn't a crazy bitch like that...

soopamanluva

06-25-2010, 09:28 AM

Id have gotten a sister or some female cousins to beat the hell outta her. Something. She just got away with all that? Dude seems passive

kepp

06-25-2010, 10:24 AM

I suddenly feel a lot more resolved and at ease about my first marriage.

Omaha

06-25-2010, 10:32 AM

"Above average"? No, not really.

I'd say she's better looking than the average chick I see walking around in Omaha. 75% of the people in here are fatasses. At least she's thin....

Ugly Duck

06-25-2010, 10:38 AM

I know my girl isn't a crazy bitch like that...

She might be saving it till she gets the ring on.

Sweet Daddy Hate

06-25-2010, 10:43 AM

That's nice. How often do you beat her?

LMAO

Could this story be true? Would a guy really put up with that much shit from someone let alone a plain-jane someone?

Yep, it just seems too surreal.

Phobia

06-25-2010, 10:57 AM

I have a friend who automatically stops talking to me whenever he starts seeing someone. Sack of shit. He's cool as hell to hang out with, but I guess he's insecure when it comes to relationships. I've put up with it a few times, but this time I've written him off. Friends don't treat friends like that, especially when they're not even yet committed to whoever they're dating.

To be fair, this is the friend with benefits, no? It's not his fault. He's dealing with guilt issues. I wouldn't worry about it.

You're pussy whupped. My former friend gave me almost the exact same line of bullshit you're giving here.

The only thing more pathetic than a man who is whupped is a man who doesn't even know he's whupped.

The Guardian is a man's man.

Reerun_KC

06-25-2010, 12:52 PM

The Guardian is a man's man.

Beyond a Mans Man... He is a Rock star living the perfect Hollywood dream...

IF we were all so lucky like him, we wouldnt be whipped... But we just get to sit in awe while he and his wife show us how unfortunate we are to be married to our spouses...

beach tribe

06-25-2010, 01:04 PM

Are you guys serious? This guy deserves every bit of it.
Are you trying to tell me that this bitch didn't show any signs of psychosis before he married her?
And the fact that he put up with ONE of those incidents shows me he's a nutless pussy, who got targeted by an evil person, but she didn't force him to marry her.

Valiant

06-25-2010, 01:07 PM

Are you guys serious? This guy deserves every bit of it.
Are you trying to tell me that this bitch didn't show any signs of psychosis before he married her?
And the fact that he put up with ONE of those incidents shows me he's a nutless pussy, who got targeted by an evil person, but she didn't force him to marry her.

May the pussy demon took his soul over??? Sam and Dean Winchester cannot be everywhere to save mankind..

Radar Chief

06-25-2010, 01:26 PM

May the pussy demon took his soul over??? Sam and Dean Winchester cannot be everywhere to save mankind..

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/248467/?searchterm=The+Succubus

Saggysack

06-25-2010, 01:39 PM

I don't believe a word of it. I will give him props though for getting people to bid $250+ for a $20-25 piece of junk ring.

ArrowheadHawk

06-25-2010, 01:47 PM

I don't believe a word of it. I will give him props though for getting people to bid $250+ for a $20-25 piece of junk ring.Please tell me where to get a titanium ring for $25.