My Own May Flowers

“May you never be afraid to go out into the deep, for it is here you will grow beyond what you see.” — Morgan Harper Nichols

I fell in love with quotes at a very young age. I never got into young children series, but instead went straight into F. Scott Fitzgerald, Stephen King and Jon Krakauer novels. I guess it was interesting to me that someone else is able to unknowingly express my thoughts when I am at a loss for words. The past four months have undoubtedly been the hardest four months of my life. For the first time in my life, I lost myself instead of just losing my words. These same quotes, poems and novels that once could light my fire, could not help me anymore because there was no longer a match to ignite. You are not taught at twenty years old how to put yourself back together when you haven’t even built yourself in the first place. I tried finding comfort in things I knew would never work in the long run, but sophomore year ended and I moved into my first apartment by myself and told myself it was all going to be just fine. Over the next two weeks, I watched the sunrise, I went on long drives with the windows down, I made new friends, I embraced positivity, I went on hikes and I gave myself a reason as to why this life is the best life, every single day. Unknowingly, I was allowing myself to get better and I learned that the soul usually knows what to do to heal itself, the challenge is to silence your mind.

As a living, breathing human being, I truly believe that we are not even consciously aware of our existence most of the time. We float around like ghosts, from one dull place to another, waiting, reading into and hoping for something more. We fade into the backgrounds we stand in and the environments that we live within, and we want to break free and find ourselves, but at twenty years old, we just do not know how. I guess you just have to get out of your house, your comfort zone, your safe place, from the place that is holding you where you are and get out from your head, and find yourself, be yourself, be alone and listen to your being. Because the person I am about to be will be world’s better than who I am, and who I am is already galaxies better than who I was.