Probably the saddest short story I have ever written

The morning was crisp. It was the kind of crisp where you inhale and you can feel all the breath just flow through your lungs. Stabbing them like knives. It was a painful crisp. It wasn’t just painful because of the air it was painful because when I rolled over you weren’t there. The indent of your body was no longer there but yet the smell of you and the memory of you still linger. I remember when I could roll over kiss you good morning and then get up and get ready for my day I was happy and felt like nothing could take that from me. Now I don’t leave bed. I will lay there for hours on end watching the walls and listen to my fan that fills the emptiness. And when I finally have the energy to push myself from bed I drag myself to the shower and then to the kitchen. I don’t eat breakfast anymore when I use to make you eggs and bacon and toast every morning. I sit at the table and listen to the news that I care nothing for. I don’t need any news of how many died last night or how many children are missing. I sit in my own self pity and do nothing about it. I don’t talk to my friends any longer and the only person that ever calls me is my job when they need me to come in. Other then that I sit around my house empty and drink myself to sleep over the thought of you.

It was 11 am and the sun was barely peeking through my dark room. I rolled over and checked my phone for all the phone calls and texts I wouldn't have. But when I checked it I had 7 missed calls. And they were all from you. I listened to the voicemail that you had left me. I remember you crying and saying you were sorry and saying that you needed me. I checked all the voicemails and they were all the same. You crying and apologizing and saying you need me. Then I got to the last one which was from your mom and the only thing she said was you were gone and that you had left me a note. I heard her voice crack before she hung up and I heard her heart wrenching sobs. Click.
My heart stopped. I felt this huge weight on my chest pushing down on me. I dropped my phone and fell to the bed letting every tear escape my eyes and all the screams pour from my soul. I didn’t just cry I full on sobbed. I felt the pain in my chest get bigger and heavier and harder. It ached through me and I felt it pulse through my veins. I didn’t want to accept the fact. So I got up threw some clothes on and ran to my car. I drove over to your house and ran inside. I went straight to your room where I found you on the ground blood pooled around the exit wound on your wrists. I saw the pile of vomit in which your head was almost in. I saw the razor sitting next to your limp cold dead hand. I leaned against the wall and collapsed to the ground as the heart wrenching body shaking sobs came.
“NO!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I crawled over to you and picked your head up and shook you begging you to get up and talk to me and for you to come back. “You can’t leave me” I sobbed. My tears blurred my vision and all I saw in front of me was what I assumed to be your mother and your brother. Your brother came over and pulled me away. I fought as hard as I could I couldn’t leave you I didn't want to leave. He pulled me off the floor and into the hallway and held me as I buried my face so deep into his chest he almost fell over. My knees were weak and my whole body hurt.
After the paramedics came and took your body away I went into your room and layed in your bed. I remember I layed there for exactly 2 hours inhaling your scent and crying so deep I felt as if I would break. You couldn't be gone I told myself. I pinched my arms so hard I bled trying to wake up from this horrible dream. I didn’t wake up and I knew I i wouldn’t. even as much as I wanted to. There was a knock on your bedroom door when your brother walked in and gave me a slip of paper where I saw your hurried writing. I grabbed it slowly and he sat next to me and put his hand on my thigh and waited until I read it.

Dear Ivy,

I’m writing you this because tonight's the night that my life will come to an end. I just want you to know how much I love you and How much you have always meant to me. I know these past few months were hard when I thought we needed a break. I was dead wrong. And I wish I had stayed with you. You kept me grounded and never once left my side. I know you will blame yourself no matter what I say but I promise that this is not your fault and you should never ever blame yourself. This is not your fault. I just couldn’t do it anymore the pain was too much and I honestly can’t handle anything. There is too much stress and too much pain everywhere. I love you so much and until we meet again. I love you and live your life to the fullest for both of us.
Forever and always
Derek.
The letter fell from my hand as I read the last lines. I couldn’t help but blame myself. He called me so many time and I didn’t answer once. I didn’t even hear it. If I answered he would still be here and he would be with me. This is all my fault.
His brother took the letter from me and put it on the table next his bed and wrapped his arms around me. I wanted to cry. I wanted to just scream and hit things but I didn’t. I just sat there motionless. My heart felt heavy and I couldn’t even let out a few tears. I was completely empty. I pushed myself away from his brother and got up and walked downstairs. I didn't say goodbye I didn't say anything. I just walked to my car with my head down.
When I got home I went into my room and slammed the door so hard it was as if the whole building would fall. I leaned against it and felt the heart wrenching sobs over come me. My knees grew weak and I fell to the floor. I hit the ground so hard with a thud It felt as if every bone in my body was broken. I didn’t want to cry so I shoved myself up and punched the wall so hard my knuckles instantly broke open and blood gathered at the top. I grabbed the pillow and screamed so loud my ribs shattered against each other. I threw everything and punched and hit and screamed till the pain went to my head and swelled in my chest. Tears poured from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks so fast it was as if they were on a roller coaster. I fell to the ground and curled into a little ball and cried for hours and hours. You weren’t coming back. And I wasn’t going to make it. My heart had shattered and would never be put back together again. I didn’t move. I looked up at our picture and whispered goodbye.

@Josey In all honesty, I actually was just feeling really down one day and writing was a way to try and feel better about these feelings I was having and this was the result. This is honestly one of my favorite pieces I have ever written and I am so happy people are enjoying it.

I find that sometimes the emotion I am feeling works best for a scene that is probably not in a book I am currently writing. Having multiple stories going allows me to put the characters into that emotion and explore it, almost like being able to see it as a scientist than as one who experiences the torrents of emotional upheaval.