Monologues for Women | "Breaking Up with Brandon" by Gabriel Davis

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Breaking Up with BrandonComedic Female Monologue from the play Unbearable HotnessBy Gabriel Davis

(Jill addresses Andrew, who is obsessed with Marisa ... just like her ex boyfriend Brandon was).

Ugh, you sound just like Brandon. You know, for two years, I beg him to transfer here, so we can be together. “Oh no” he says, “some of my credits won’t transfer over, I’ll have to spend like an extra semester or a summer to catch up.” Then on his visit over winter break I introduce him to Marisa. (Beat)Suddenly, he changes his tune. “What’s one summer when I can be near you?” And he transferred.

And I was thrilled … but only for like two seconds because as soon as he got here every other word out of his mouth started to be … “Marisa! Marisa, Marisa, Marisa!” (Singing) “I once knew a girl named Marisa!” (Beat)So … anyway … last night was the last straw. He was repeating her name over and over in his sleep, “Marisa, oh, Marisa, oh, Marisa!” I wake him up and I say, “What were you just dreaming about?” He tries to play it all innocent “Uh, nothing. What do you mean?” And I’m like, “it’s never going to happen.” And he’s all, like- “what’s never going to happen?” And I’m like “Marisa! You and Marisa!” And he’s all “Why would I want to be with Marisa!? You and I are together.” (Beat)And I’m like “Well what if we weren’t together, would you consider being with her?” And he says, trying to act casual “I guess, I’d be open to it. Why? Did she say something about me?” (Beat)And I say “No! Did you not hear me when I said it’s never going to happen!?” And he’s all offended, “Well, ‘never’ is pretty harsh. I mean, I’m pretty good with the ladies.” And I’m like “Not from where I’m standing, buddy!” He goes, “So are you saying you want to break up?” I go “No, you’re saying that.” And he says … he says, “I can’t get her out my mind, I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” So I say to him: “You’re throwing our relationship away for nothing. She’s like fort knocks, nobody cracks that!”