Take this column and shove it

Published 4:00 am, Tuesday, July 27, 2004

A woman who could become our next first lady tells a reporter to take that question and "shove it."

It's already been an interesting week.

When I first thought about Ricky's decision, I was confused. The more I think about it -- good for him.

The NFL wants to fine Williams a fortune ($650,000) because he smokes pot. Meanwhile, Ray Lewis can act like a vicious gang member during a night of brutal violence and he's the star of a video game.

Dozens of NFL players have been far worse citizens than Williams and they're welcomed back with open arms.

The league practically condones steroid use for years, approves brutal, ridiculous video games starring psychos like Lewis and they want to paint Williams as a bad guy?

He never liked the celebrity and was never all that interested in money. Now, he wants to take some photos, maybe teach kids, smoke a little dope and contemplate what it all means while sitting on an island watching the sun go down.

The only people who should be truly upset are the fantasy dorks who suddenly need to adjust their draft lists.

Everyone else should applaud Ricky Williams for doing something few of us will ever be able to do -- walk away from the job and enjoy life.

Walking away from our own reality as we check in on the rest of the sports world:

* In this maddening year of good-god-they're awful/maybe-they-have-a-chance, all that's awful about the Giants was on display in San Diego on Monday.

I cannot understand how Alou can possibly place Felix Rodriguez in a close game. He's a walking meltdown, an instant leadoff walk into oblivion. It's time to institute the five-run rule on Felix. If the game is closer than five runs, he's not allowed to play.

I also think the Giants may have the worst baserunning team in baseball history. Certainly it is the slowest. Most of the lineup is station-to-station, slowpitch softball-type runners. After halting Jake Peavy's no-hitter on Monday, they loaded the bases and got two clutch bases-loaded singles and came up with only two runs.

On Sunday, I watched a replay of A.J. Pierzynski jogging to first on a double play ball. It's clear that the Giants are renting him for a year and that he's not well liked. So I can understand a certain amount of bitterness on his part. But he's paid hundreds of thousands of dollars a month to play baseball, so it's not asking too much to hustle out every grounder.

Watching "Baseball Tonight," you see that almost every team in baseball mentioned as possible locations for new hitters. The Giants are rarely mentioned. They have maybe two good years of Barry left. This year's team is flawed, but it is one of the final chances. Monday, Barry walked four times. Ugh.

* Just what we needed: another "best game ever played" by the Yankees and Red Sox. When the Red Sox get within five games, it becomes a story. Until then, enough with the endless replays and analysis.

* Julian Peterson's agent (name withheld because he's an ignorant blowhard) compares his man to Peyton Manning. That's perfect, really. The main difference is that the 49ers will be 5-11 with or without Peterson. The Colts would lose at least four more games without Manning. The 49ers are offering plenty of money. Peterson needs to fire his insane agent and get his butt to training camp.

* OK, ESPN. Enough with the lists. What you guys need to do is make a list of the worst sports list ever and get it over with.

* The wretched X Games begin on Aug. 5th and I've already seen 1,785 promos for this ludicrous exercise in selling Mountain Dew and Vans. What's even better is that we get to see X Games "highlights" for days leading up to this nonsense. I can't wait until they are the Ex-Games.

* I would think Oakley sunglasses would be contacting Senior British Open winner Peter Oakley about doing a deal. Won't happen. The guy looks like a foot doctor from Idaho.

RANDOM THOUGHT REVISITED: Last week, I asked if anyone knew anything about Orange County Choppers and was I missing something.

From Michael M: "Yes, you have missed something. It's not just a brand name. Orange County Choppers is a show on Discovery. It's a 'real-life' documentary-style show featuring the family that owns and runs Orange County Choppers in upstate New York. Good fun, and a good show by people who actually work hard and manufacture things for a living." OK then.

Question of the Week responses: What do the Giants need to do some damage in the playoffs?

Fool's choice: They need a significant bat behind Bonds and someone with confidence in the bullpen. All the Giants relievers look scared.

* 1) The A's pitching staff. 2) Third baseman, shortstop and first baseman. 3) Some players under the age of 35. 4) A real TV deal that will allow the Giants to spend some money (A's need this too). -- Drew W.

* All we need to do is introduce some LSD into Peter Magowan's coffee and water from July 26 through the trading deadline. With a little "looser" philosophy about the Giants' payroll, I expect Sabean could find another bat and another starting pitcher. -- Cedric S.

* Get some stones and act like they belong there and deserve to win. They've been there five times in seven years and got bupkus to show for it. Enough already. -- Gary P.

* The Giants need to act as realists. With their current roster, minor league system, and budget, considering the trade market and Giants front office policy, nothing the front office can do this year will substantially improve the Giants' chances in the 2004 post-season. The 2004 Giants need a starter, a closer, and an RBI guy. That's at least $15 million.

The Giants front office shows symptoms of disease. Sabean has earned praise for maintaining a decade of winning baseball in San Francisco. In reality, he has destroyed the natural order of team development in favor of dependable attendance figures. Trades favor overpriced veterans instead of promising minor leaguers. Reliance on older free agents stunts development of younger players. High roster turnover every year prohibits landmark free agent signings.

The artificially forced streak of winning seasons makes the draft a waste of time and money. Sabean knows what he's doing; by limiting failure, he denies success. This aspect of front office policy receives little consideration because money, not a championship, motivates the GM and owners. -- J.P.

Question of the Week:
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