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Friday, June 18, 2010

S-T-R-E-N-G-T-H and my 2nd Child

After arriving to the ER and the staff performed all the necessary "horribleness", we were told by the doctor on duty that they were 90% sure that our daughter had Type 1 Diabetes. But, our ears heard that there was a 10% chance she does not. For a few more moments we had hope. Though, our hope disappeared on Sunday morning when we received a visit from her Endocrinologist, and we then had to face our new reality when he confirmed this as her official diagnosis.

I knew a little about Diabetes after being pregnant with Allison, but have never known anyone to have her kind. I've heard how bad it is that the little ones have to be stuck several times a day with needles, etc. and how awful that is for them. But, I never knew in great detail what an uproar it is on family life. The three days our family spent in the hospital involved some intense training--training that means life or death for our daughter, and no room for a learning curve. Not only did we have to get it, so would EVERYONE who cares for her. Spontaneity is gone out of our lives for the moment. Every trip, no matter if it is just to the grocery store takes planning. Those of you who know me know that I'm a planner...but this is more than I'm used to, honestly.

The other day, someone clicked 'like' on Facebook for a group called, "You Never Know How Strong You Are Until Being Strong is Your Only Choice". I clicked 'like' too because this is the first time in my life that I feel that I actually need to be STRONG in the truest sense. I mean it. Every other incident where I thought I was, it is no match for what we are going through now. Alli needs us to be strong for her...each and every one of us. I know it's important to be strong but find myself in many moments of weakness. I need to tell you how strong my daughter is, though. In less than a week's time a girl who wouldn't take cough medicine or acknowledge "boo-boos" is now taking injections 4 times a day and gets her finger poked 4-6 times a day! We are on Day 4 of being home and getting used to our new life which now includes all of the above along with telling Alli "No", a lot. Ha, she told me last night that "everything is aggravating". How many three year-old's use such big words and let-alone in the correct context? She has nailed this on the head. We are aggravated, OK, even ANGRY that we are one of the 'chosen' to deal with this. But we will more than deal, believe that.

I've compared this whole transition we are going through to the experience we shared when she was born. From the hospital stay to having to get up in the middle of the night to feedings several times a day it sounds much like raising a newborn, doesn't it? A couple of years ago, my best friend, Robin and I visited a psychic for fun. That was a strange experience in itself. We were in downtown Philadelphia and saw a neon sign in the window of what we soon found out to be someone's apartment. We climbed the enclosed stairs to the top and knocked on the door. A woman answered, and we entered into a small area that was over-flowing with dirty laundry. I had to laugh because laundry is one thing I will avoid at all costs, so she's human, right? Anyway, she obviously had young children because there were baby bottles and small toys scattered about which added to the surreality of our experience.

Robin went first and I could hear bits and peices of what she was being told. After talking with Robin later, much of it was about the relationship she was in with her husband. The psychic, from what I gather was right about much of what Robin has gone through, but she's never shared all of what was spoken--we were told not to. Then, my turn. I went in and sat down. She read my palm and told me that I would live a long, healthy life (whew!), but then she said that I would have a 2nd child. Now, I don't mind sharing to most of you that Mike and I love Allison very much, but she is all we can handle. :) Mike and I chose for him to have the 'surgery' to make sure that we wouldn't have anymore. When the psychic said I was going to have another child, I began to doubt her immediately. I thought, "There's no way!" So, why am I telling you this?

On the way home from bringing our baby girl home from the hospital for the 2nd time in her life, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm bringing home my 2nd child...one with DIABETES.

2 comments:

Sasha...I am so in awe of your strength and resolve! God gave you Allison and she is perfectly the way He wants her...He knows He gave her the best Mommy and Daddy! Continue to be strong and know that He has people in your life for you to lean on too. I Love you all dearly! Don't ever hesitate to call on me if needed!

If I was laying down flat, I'd have tears in my ears. You and Mike are doing everything right. I love you. You are stronger than you know and you always have been. Remember "get tough?" Well, you are now more than ever.