Glazers Get Their Man -- And Last Laugh

February 19, 2002|By Mike Bianchi, Sentinel Columnist

They are idiots.

They are buffoons.

They are numbskulls and knuckleheads.

They are . . . geniuses?

We've been duped, people.

We all thought the Glazer Boys -- Bryan and Joel -- were a couple of bumbling boobs, stumbling through this coaching search with no clue or concept. As brothers, they were portrayed as the greatest comedy act since the Smothers.

Well, did you catch Tommy and Dicky's punch line Monday?

Jon Gruden is the new coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Laugh's on us.

While we were busy snickering at the Glazers, they pulled off the best acquisition since Thomas Jefferson bought 800,000 square miles of land from the French for $15 million, two compensatory gourmet chefs and a skating judge to be named later. Jefferson's acquisition was known as the Louisiana Purchase. The Glazers have just pulled off the Frisco Bay Bamboozle.

Everybody will use the "blind squirrel" theory when trying to explain how the Glazers fell into this phenomenal hire, but I believe it is much more than that. I believe this is a case of ownership doing everything possible to get the best coach it possibly could get. The Glazers could have made the easy hire and spared themselves a lot of public lampoonery, but they were willing to take their time and their lumps.

There are three sides to this story -- Tampa Bay's, Oakland's and San Francisco's -- and it's hard to know which one to believe. But as far as I can figure, the Glazers shrewdly played two of the biggest egos in the sport -- Oakland owner Al Davis and San Francisco de facto general manager Bill Walsh -- against each other.

The Glazers knew Davis and Walsh -- presumably miffed they weren't getting enough credit for their teams' successes -- have clashed with their innovative coaches. I believe the Bucs used 49ers Coach Steve Mariucci to get the guy they really wanted -- Gruden.

The Bucs wanted Gruden from the moment Bill Parcells jilted them but had problems negotiating with Davis. The Glazers then went across the Bay and talked with Mariucci. Once Davis realized the team he most despises -- the 49ers -- was about to reap a windfall of draft picks from the Bucs, he immediately jumped back into the picture and -- Bucs sources say -- lowered his demands.

The Bucs still are paying a hefty price for Gruden, but they should. Gruden is the best young coach in the business and has everything the Bucs desire: offensive innovation, enormous charisma and the fire and firmness to control the Bucs' strong and conflicting personalities (Warren Sapp and Keyshawn Johnson). Gruden is, in effect, the anti-Dungy.

In hindsight, the only thing the Glazers did wrong during this search was trusting others. They trusted Parcells to keep his word, and they trusted GM Rich McKay to follow orders.

The Glazers sent McKay out to find a coach with offensive imagination, and he came back with defensive guru Marvin Lewis. That's like going duck hunting and instructing your dog to "go fetch the mallard," and he comes back wagging his tail and holding a largemouth bass.

Sports aren't about how it looks on paper or how it plays out in the newspaper. They are about results, and the Glazers got results.

The Bucs not only made off with Al Davis' coach, but they did it by putting their own twist on Davis' philosophy: Just do whatever it takes to get the best coach you can get, baby.