(Closed) My friend is not talking to me now that I am pregnant

I have a friend who is also in my upcoming wedding and she is not speaking to me. It all started when FI and I found out we were pregnant on Saturday. I was excited and texted her and told her. All she said was Congrats. No biggie. She texted me later asking who we told and all that. They are also pregnant and haven’t told anyone yet. They are waiting till after their first OB appointment. Which is fine, to each their own. Sunday comes around and I text her Happy Mother’s Day to the mommy to be. Later she asks me if I told another friend of ours. I said yes, no response. Then yesterday she emails me and asks about 2 other friends and if we told them. I said no to one but yes to the other. I then ask her, ” Am I not suppose to be telling people because you continue to ask me who we have told.” She said she was just curious. Usually she emails me all day. So I ask her if she is upset because she seems that way. She says, she’s not upset, but she is hurt and that they have to wait now to tell people because she wants her own special moment and is being selfish. She said they have had their “telling” date set for 3 months now and she feels like she needs to wait now since we just shared our news. She said she says they want to wait now to tell because they worked so hard for it and it won’t be as special now. I told her I was excited for her and that she shouldn’t feel like they have to wait.

Then last night I texted her to just ask how her day was and that I didn’t mean to upset her. She says to me, We are not upset, but we are hurt and I need some time to get over it.

My FI and I are actually kind of pissed that she is being so childish about it. She’s mad that we are pregnant and FI was so excited to tell people that he did. It was her choice to wait so long to tell people. I feel as if she wanted us to wait to tell until after they did. Then it would have been ok. So now she won’t speak to me. I just don’t understand. I got her into my friend who is a specialist and helped get her pregnant. As soon as she found out, I went and got her the What to Expect book, and this last month got her a 12 month photo frame for the baby. I just don’t get it.

I know a lot of people would wait to be in the “safety zone” i.e 3 months before telling people. I’m not sure how far along you are, but she may think you’re being premature telling people…even though your excited, and you should be!!

Try not to take it personally, everyone handles things differenly and there is no right way.

I don’t think she’s being childish at all and I think you need to give her the space she requested or else you’re being rude. She’s not “mad that you are pregnant”, but you inadvertently stole her thunder and I would be upset too to have it continuously rubbed in my face.

I would just ignore the situation and let her cool down. You should tell people when you’re ready to, not when your friend is ready for you to. And just b/c you’re pregnant does not make her pregnancy any less special.

I was jealous of people announcing their pregnancy before me when I was pregnant, but I would have never actually gotten mad at them. That’s just silly.

The hormones are a bitch. Literally. Things that a rational person wouldn’t even think twice about seem like world breaking news. Give her a break. Let her be sappy and bitchy because I have days/weeks like that too. Pregnancy has turned me into a completely different person and for a lot of people who haven’t been through it it seems completely ridiculous (as it is).

@KatNYC2011: She is actually 3 months and I am only 4 weeks. This is my 3rd pregnancy and we got pregnant the first month we ‘tried but not trying”. They tried for a year. I was also the one she always called with a concern or question or to cry to when she wasn’t pregnant that month and was always upbeat and supportive and telling her that she will get pregnant.

We do have the same group of friends that we hang out with.

I guess I am most upset because I was so excited when she found out she got pregnant and when I found out, she didn’t even seem happy. She didn’t even want to talk to me.

The hardest part is that she is a bridesmaid in my wedding and her husband is a groomsman. He did text me this morning and say he was sorry for how she was acting and that she will be fine in a few days.

I don’t think I should have to walk on eggshells all the time around her. Aren’t friends suppose to be supportive of each other ?

you need to tell her that people get pregnant all the time, and that she is her own person and will therefore have her own moment. She doesn’t have “dibs” on announcement days. God, she sounds like such a pain in the ass (harsh, but jeeze, what a selfish think to say to you!)

@mrskisstobe: Yes, friends are supposed to be. Think of how she must feel. You didn’t even have to try! She struggled for a year and when she finally gets her moment, someone beats her to it. I think you’re being insensitive.

ETA: If she asked you to give her time to get over the hurt feelings and you’re constantly trying to talk to her, you’re going to push her further away. You’re not respecting her wishes.

I can see how she might feel like you jumped in and “stole her thunder”, especially since you were one of the only people to know her situation. I am sure it will pass quickly, but I would give her space until then.

@Potatoes: I don’t think I am being insensitve at all. I was the one who was there for her the entire year she was trying to get pregnant. I was being supportive to her. So what, I am suppose to ask her when I should be allowed to tell my friends I am pregnant as to not hurt her feelings?

I didn’t get bitchy or snotty towards when she got engaged and married before I did.

@mrskisstobe: I didn’t say you weren’t allowed to say anything, but if you knew how hard they were trying, why would you not be a little more sensitive to her feelings? Knowing how hard they tried, why would you be judging her now for being upset?