Thursday, 6 September 2012

Double Bluff.

The government has announced a major boost to the paper and printer peripherals industry this morning describing it as one of the key planks of its economic stimulus package.

The move will double the number of pages required to complete an LDC application for a single-storey extension to 8 in the case of a detached house and 6 in all other cases. It has been widely speculated that shops and offices will also be required to use more paper in their applications.

PlanningPortal intern and Chinese postgraduate No Pai Pa, worked feverishly for nearly an hour yesterday to increase the number of boxes and default font sizes on forms.

Deputy minister for clueless tinkering about the fucking edges Rick Egg told Radio 4 that statistics demonstrate that if you double the number of pages you need to print you have to buy more paper and the ink to fill those pages. “I spoke to the MD of Xerox yesterday and he was cock-a-hoop at the prospect of filling files with even more paper” "So, it's a no brainer quite frankly John" he opined "and confirms this radical government will look to every last measure in its efforts to kick start the economy”. The “clever part to all of this” he told an aghast Edward Sturton “is that we will set out in law that as a condition of your application you have to print the forms”.

Paper use planning consultant Lou Pole told our reporter that the move would make not a jot of difference and that he had already issued an advice note to all his clients first thing recommending they change the printer settings to duplex and draft ink use levels.