Anatomy of An Asshole Boss

Way back in the olden days, after Man had been created, the parts of the body had a bit of a disagreement.

The Head said, "Well I'm on top AND I've got the Brain and most of the sensory bits. I should be the Boss."

The Heart said, "I pump life-giving Blood to every one of you guys. I should be the Boss."

The Stomach and Intestines said, "We digest all the chow. We should be the Boss."

The Legs said, "We carry all you guys. We should be the Boss."

And then the lowly, little Asshole spoke up and allowed as how he should be the Boss. All the other body parts thought this was hilarious and started laughing. This made the little Asshole angry. So he clenched up tight and didn't let a single bit of poo pass. After a few days of this, the Head was throbbing with pain. The Brain couldn't think straight. The Heart was beating faster. The Blood was full of toxins. The Legs grew weak. Needless to say, the Stomach and Intestines were well and truly screwed as well. They all finally agreed that, for the greater good, they should let the little Asshole be Boss. He promptly loosened up and let all that nastiness pass. The status quo reigned, proving yet again, that you don't have to be strong or smart or magnanimous to be a Boss.

You just have to be an Asshole.

I mention this little parable because of a run-in with my manager at Gord & Raylor. Mostly she's been a real stand-up kind of person. But lately, she's really drunk the corporate Kool-Aid and turned into a, well, y'know.

Whereas she would have secretly laughed at some of the corporate pronouncements in the past, everything now is carved in stone and MUST BE OBEYED! I'm not saying she let stuff slide or that the work didn't get done, but there was a sense of fun to the day that now is gone.

Being friendly, selling an average of $1000 a day, putting up new stock, keeping an eye out for shoplifters, answering the phones, dusting and polishing, resolving custy complaints 38.5 hours a week isn't good enough anymore. She now insists that I get every customers' e-mail address and get them to sign up for a company credit card (24% APR!!!) When that doesn't happen, I hear, "These are job REQUIREMENTS! You could be FIRED!" I have to take my break at exactly the assigned time. When I can't, due to dealing with customers, I hear, "You snooze, you lose!"

I guess my main complaint is that the corporate world has a way of taking extremely competent, affable, human beings and turning them into burned-out, hollow-eyed little droids. I've seen it again and again and it pisses me off! Thus endeth the rant.

Comments

Well, that just sucks balls. Sounds like corporate has sewn her asshole shut, which, in essence, has shut the rest of the "happy system" down. Just keep up the droid routine until some of those stitches come loose and she can let the shit fly again. Good Luck.

It can be Leo depending on your state. Somehow corporations seem to find loopholes which deny their employees breaks especially during busier times. However a class action lawsuit always seems to work if you can prove it. When I use for the big red star Messy's, an employee was able to unite all other workers in a class action lawsuit and prove the company denied their employees their breaks and lunches and we ended up with a few bucks during the settlement.

1. She drank the corporate kool-aid, and has become one of "them" (as you said)

2. She's under a lot of pressure from her bosses, and the shit gets passed down.

3. Management changes you.

#1 - you already discussed.

#2 - Could be that her job is on the line, and she's going about motivating her underlings in the wrong way, but she's scared, and is only thinking about the numbers.

#3 - Been there. I worked at a small photo place and everyone hated the repair manager because she acted like such a bitch to everyone. When she left, I was promoted to her position. Within three months I had become her. To a certain degree, it went with the job.

I ran into her some months later at a bagel shop and we had lunch together. I apologized to her for thinking that she was a total bitch, and having worked in the position, I understood why she acted the way she did.

She was so relieved, and grateful. I thought she might start crying. She said that she didn't like herself, acting that way, and she found a job that made her a lot happier, and she didn't act like that anymore.

Neither did I when I left that position.

My advice: Take her out for a drink and talk for a bit. Perhaps she'll open up and you can find out what the personality change is all about, and perhaps offer some solutions to improve the situation.

"...took a hit of Charlie Sheen..." BURGER BITCH, YOU ARE MY FAVORITE.
Joe, I really liked this. I've seen this happen too many times in my retail career (although not quite to the extent that this lady has gone) and it sucks. Watching someone turn into an angry, rigid, corporate drone version of the person you used to actually enjoy working with is awful. Hopefully she realizes her behavior is ridiculous before it's too late.

Ugh, I work for an HBC store in Canada. The one actually named after the company itself. And let me tell you - corporate sucks sucks sucks.

I actually just received a write up for having a low credit blend. They want us to FORCE customers to use their store card and if they don't we get in shit. Also, I was written up at the same time for not getting enough of what they call "instant credits" which is getting people to sign up for this shit card. Who the eff want's a 29.9% interest rate card anyway ?

As far as I know it is illegal to deny anyone a break, at least in California. The only exception is if you work under four hours which is how people get around it. With the credit cards... She's getting shit from higher up. My company went through the same thing and there is percentage we HAVE to meet weekly or were getting chewed out wanting to know why. My best advice is to ask every customer which is a hard habit to get into but someone has to get he ball rolling and it may as well be you. Lead by example and she'll get off your ass :)

Caper: that shit was just one of the many things which led me to look for a new job and get far away from Hellers. I can only try - I cannot actually FORCE people to sign up for cards, I'm not Darth Vader.

KattyBitch, I saw a manager at Coals trying to force a woman to get a store card even after she told him she couldn't get credit cards due to FILING BANKRUPTCY. That didn't stop him. I guess he had manageritis.

The Story of the Asshole and its Ascent to Power is hilarious, Joe. I would have paid to read it.

It is getting ridiculous to be on the other side of the register as well. The hard sale at some of these stores leaves me wanting to skip the store and just shop online. I was at one store recently and they pushed a discount card you had to pay for AND their credit card. I just wanted to buy 2 pairs of pants (in cash) and leave. A transaction that could have taken 1 minute took close to 10 because of the hard sale.

Not sure if it is chain wide, but on a recent trip to "Coals" they offered the percentage off for just applying...you didn't even have to get approved!! I guess they figure enough suckers will give it a try, get approved and then pay interest that it is worth it to give the discount regardless of result.

Management does change you to an extent, which is why I'm digging my heels in and refusing to transfer even though I really need more hours; the managers I work with are just too nice and too human to leave them! And they've all been working with the company for years (the most is I think 7, the least is I think 5.) If they were gonna turn into assholes, I think they would have done it already.

Yeah I would say she's getting in shit herself from higher up. I'm right there at the moment, and actually just basically just took a hit for everyone else. It sucks but at the end of the day, these are the people who employ you and they have the right to determine what your job entails. And they certainly have the right to ask you to do your job. I don't like telling my staff some of the things I have to be telling them right now but... it's my job.

I, for one, will NOT take any credit card offers even if they are delivered by oiled slaves on a silver salver. Tell the higher ups THAT. Push the stuff at me and I might just leave. However, I will always be polite to you!

I am always sorry for the slaves who have to do this sort of thing. I know it's not their fault.