10 ways your kids will ruin your Memorial Day weekend

Just like so many other things post-babies, gearing up for a long Memorial Day weekend with kids is nothing like it used to be. Here’s a hint: Kiss relaxing and drinking and dipping your toes in a local body of water goodbye and envision something more along the lines of wiping noses and wiping butts and breaking up fights on your fun family weekend.

Don’t worry, you’re in great company. Here are 10 things that every single human parent can expect to encounter this holiday weekend:

1. Ice cream will be dropped

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At some point during the weekend, ice cream will be dropped or your dog will steal a popsicle. This will end in tears.

2. You won’t sleep in

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Looking forward to having a morning or two where you don’t have to wake up and immediately hop in the shower and get ready for work? That’s not going to happen. Anytime you have nowhere to go and no schedule to keep is the morning your kids will wake up at five in the morning, demanding chocolate chip pancakes… which they then won’t eat.

3. There will be fighting

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If you have more than one kid off of school, they will fight with each other. Have one kid? They will fight with you, the cat, some random neighbor kid or the fireflies they catch outside which are just not doing what your kid wants them to do, which is probably come to life and fly them off to Neverland. Stupid fireflies.

4. They will not eat your coleslaw

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I don’t care whatever delicious food you plan on preparing for your Memorial Day cookout — your kids will hate whatever it is you prepare. It wouldn’t matter if you stuck a Happy Meal on an unlit grill and presented it to them on a silver platter, it will somehow be wrong.

5. They will get lost at a parade

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Going to a parade? How fun! What’s not fun is the fact that your kid will get lost or wander away following a dog or trying to catch candy or if they see a balloon. You might want to consider getting one of those kid leashes, but then they will just cry over that.