Scandal-within-a-scandal No. One: In a television interview with America’s Most Bloodthirsty News Team™, Clinton the Younger, also a paid employee of NBC, said of her mother’s intentions to intend to consider running: “As a daughter, I very much want her to make the right choice for herself. I know that will be the right choice for our country, and I’ll support her in whatever she chooses to do.”

Scandal-within-a-scandal No. Two: Wee Chelsea did notexplicitly say that she herself is not ever going to run for president—which, translated from Clintonese to American English, means that she has secretly launched an exploratory committee and already owes Mark Penn about $6 million. Quoth C. Clinton: “Right now, I’m grateful to live in a city and a state and a country where I strongly support my mayor, my governor, and my president and my senators and my representative. If at some point that weren’t true and I thought I could make a meaningful and measurably greater impact, you know, I’d have to ask and answer that question.”

At the time of the 2016 presidential race—tentatively scheduled for November 2016, but likely to be moved up to September 2013 due to increased national interest and some fun new Politico featurettes—Chelsea Clinton will be older than 35. Chelsea Clinton, ladies and gentlemen, will be 36 and eligible to hold the office of President of the United States.

And. . . no one is listening anymore, are they? Everyone just can’t believe that awkward tween is in her mid-30s already. Where did the time go? Has Hillary Clinton been president yet?