The following is the translation of a Tianya
Club forum post about the known and hidden rules of a minor political bureaucrat
in China. This is a forum post, so it is more "wild history"
than a formal academic discourse. Nevertheless, the many observations
probably ring true because we must have observed the same type of group behavior
elsewhere (e.g. in corporate settings).

(Tianya
Club) Let Me Tell You About The True Lives Of Little Crawling Political
Worms That I Have Personally Witnessed.

[in translation]

I have been working at a government
organization for many years, and I have personally observed all sorts of
political animals and bizarre phenomena. So I have done a great deal of
reflections about life inside a government organization. At Tianya Club,
friends contribute their specialties and make for a bustling forum. I
have decided to write down what I heard and saw at the government organization. I would be satisfied if I can get you to smile.

Although the philosopher Ah Q said that what
exists is rational, the phenomena that I record below are difficult to
characterize as either rational or irrational. Some of these phenomena are
inexplicable. For example, I can see a strange phenomenon that some
people who read this post will experience the following soon after: (1)
success in
romance; (2) success in business; (3) get promoted and become rich; (4) feeling
better; (5) family harmony; (6) healthy body; (7) everything works as wished. These people are those who supported me before they even read
the post and they continue to support me after reading it. There is
another group of people who read this post and then things get really bad for
them soon after; (1) failure in romance; (2) bankruptcy in business; (3) caught for
corruption; (4) feeling miserable; (5) broken family; (6) failing health; (7)
everything goes wrong. These people are those mean people who don't
write supporting comments to this post. Chairman Mao taught us:
"When you read a good post, you must write a supporting
comment!" Chairman Mao's words make sense. Is it so hard to
write a supporting comment?

That was the preface.

1. A Perfect Expansion

After much effort, the universal working
department in the business unit of the organization was finally
established. Even before the publicity committee issued a formal
release, the various powers were calling the boss and asking him for jobs for
their relatives. When the boss received these kinds of call, he
usually laughed and replied with "Let's see what happens,"
"We'll talk later," "It is not set yet, so I cannot say for
sure," "I wish I could" and other vague statements. But
there was one telephone call that the boss had to be highly attentive to.
That was the call from the local Number One (explanation of terminology: the
county party committee secretary and the same will apply throughout this
essay). It turned out that Ms. Bei, the
daughter of a good friend of Number One, was presently at a self-paying unit
and wanted to transfer to a government-subsidized unit. She was well-informed and she
knew that the universal work unit has to bring
people in. Therefore, she went to see Number One. Since this was
the daughter of his good friend, Number One had to help out and he called
the boss and asked him to consider. The boss knew what 'consideration'
means, because he has been considering for some time already. It
turned
out that Ms. Bei already knew that what to do. When the mobile phone of
the boss broke down, she "lent" a mobile phone to the boss
"temporarily" and she addressed the boss as
"godfather." So the boss has to consider his
"goddaughter." Now that Number One has spoken, there was a
further reason in that a subordinate must obey a superior, and so he started
to work on this matter.

Based upon the stated requirements, when a
business unit wants to hire people, it must be done in an open
process. So how can the process be bypassed in order for Number One's
designated person be brought in? The boss spent a lot of effort on
thinking this through. At a certain party organizational meeting about
human resources, the boss spoke about the issue of hiring for the universal
working department and wantd the comrades to discuss. But before the
comrades got to speak, the boss said the following:

"The universal working
department has been established. It is still an empty shell without
people. That is a problem. Ultimately, someone has to do the
work. Ms. Bei from a certain unit was just released from the
organization and temporarily assigned to a self-paying unit. Based upon
the original release, this is a temporary arrangement. The superiors
have said that when the conditions are ripe, she will be placed in a better
unit as this is our responsibility to the reform process as well as to Ms.
Bei. After the universal working department was set up, Number One has
asked me whether Ms. Bei can be arranged to come to work at the universal
working department. To put it nicely, this is a discussion; to put it
more properly, this is an assignment handed down by the party committee
government! So let us discuss this matter today and see how we can
accomplish this mission!"

When the two deputies heard that, they were
quite unhappy inside. One meeting agenda item that day was to select
talents for the universal working department based upon openness, equality,
competition and excellence. But the boss has switched the subject to
one of how to complete the mission from the superiors on how to bring in a
connected person. Anyone placed from above is usually not very
good. Besides, this Ms. Bei is a tough character whose aggressiveness
scares everyone. If she came here, it would be like bringing a wolf
inside the home, right? Something should be said about this Ms.
Bei. She used to be at a local unit, which was quite important.
But an order came from the provincial government to take back this important
department. For various reasons, Ms. Bei did not qualify for this new
department and she was temporarily assigned to a self-paying
department. She was quite unhappy and she had a fit. She showed
upon at the reform office. When a dispute occurred, she overturned the
desk at that office. She had a long quarrel and when she did not get
satisfaction at the end, she even broke the glass at the office before she
left. By coincidence, our unit's deputy Li was at the reform office
that day. Obviously, Deputy Li hated this shrew. When he was
told that she may be working on his turf, did you think that he would agree?

Of course, the boss knew about this.
He knew that his two deputies would object and so this won't get past the
party organization meeting. In order to prevent that from happening,
he changed the previous practice of letting the deputies speak first at the
party organizational meetings. "Let me say a couple of things
first. My opinion is that the universal working department needs
someone urgently and this Bei person has good ability and should be able to
handle the job; furthermore, her placement is the will of the leader.
Based upon the above reason, I personally agree with placing Ms. Bei to
work at the universal working department."

The unwritten rules of government are that
when the leader agrees first, the second-in-command and third-in-command
would not say the opposite unless the opinion of the boss seriously damages
their own personal interests. When the boss expressed his views, the
basic outcome of the meeting has been decided. When the two deputies
spoke, they must have mumbled something like that this Bei person has some
ability but her personal temperament still leaves something to be
desired. But since Number One has spoken out and the boss concurred,
blah blah blah ... we don't have any opinion. In this fashion, the
leadership corps was able to reach a "consensus" on this personnel
issue. Later on, I understood that in these meetings, one must
emphasize "smooth administration" and must not speak of
"democracy." Subordinates obey superiors. In one word,
"centralization." And this centralization must be set in
the beginning rather than let the discussion ferment from the bottom since it
would be impossible to control the rhythm and pace that way. Actually,
this 'democratic' meeting is a communication meeting, even though this is a
group discussion/decision in form and for which everybody has some responsibility. The boss
calls this the "art of leadership."

So the universally detested Ms. Bei entered
in the following way:

First step, she came on loan. The
reason for doing do this was to mislead the public. Everybody knows
that one has be to examined before entering a unit that involves financial
disbursements, and these examinations take a long time to conduct.
Meanwhile, the universal working department needs people, right or
not? So for the normal conduct of business, a comrade with good
political thoughts (bullshit, there are no standards and whoever you say is
good is good) and good working ability (also bullshit, and whoever you say
is good is good) will be transferred temporarily. There are several
advantages. First, this person who came on loan for a purpose usually
does not return, so this is setting up a solid foundation for transferring
Ms. Bei over. Second, Ms. Bei is a smart person. Once she is in
here, she should be able to repair her relationships with the two
deputies. Third, this is setting up the scene for a formal
examination. Everybody on earth knows that if there is an examination,
then one would ordinarily hire those people who are hired or on loan within
the department already first. The so-called examination is just a
parade, right?

Second step. After several months,
there is an open examination. The conditions were basically set up
according to Ms. Bei's current qualitifications. She was the only
examinee and so she got the highest score. This would shut the mouths
of the whole world and cover up the eyes of the world (actually, this is not
possible). Thus, Ms. Bei fulfilled her wish to work at the universal
working department.

2. The Perfect Pit-Filling

One year, our unit cooperated with another
department to conduct a cadre examination. At the time, these
examinations were quite irregular. The organizers took entrance
fees, issued a receipt on a piece of white paper and all the revenues were not
recorded. When the examination was over, the relevant people at the two
units simply pocketed the money and then went out and had a good time.
This examination was like asking deaf people to listen to music or blind
people to watch movies. It was obviously a parade. If the
examinees had the qualification criteria to take the exam, they were
guaranteed to pass no matter how stupid they were. After passing the
exam, the temporary hires could become cadres and they won't complain about
only getting a piece of white paper as receipt. Everybody got what
they wanted, everybody made money and everybody was happy.

But some years later now, some of the people at the
other department which cooperated with us got into trouble. The party
disciplinary department conducted multiple investigations while applying
pressure on the participants. The entire matter was about to be
exposed. So all those involved in the two departments were worried.

The boss was one of those corrupt elements
involved in sharing the loot. Usually, he knows how to fish for
praises and so his political reputation was quite good. Now all of a
sudden, the fact that he took a small amount of money (in his eyes) once
upon a time is coming back to haunt him in an inglorious manner.
So he was worried. A little crawling political worm like him is just
like the prostitute who wants a chastity memorial archway since his reputation is
very important to him. So he was spending a lot of time trying to come
up with a way of making sure that this is not revealed. Finally, he
figured out that in the absence of any other alternative, the disciplinary
committee investigators would accept the repayment of all the RMB that were
taken in back then. With this type of economic criminal case, the
disciplinary committee would be happy to close the case with a
report. But the key is that all of the money must be repaid!
Furthermore, the worst thing is that the two deputies were not in leadership
position back then and they had no share in the interest. If the boss
were to propose that the unit assume the entire cost, they would not support
it. Finally, he decided that the matter was serious enough for a
meeting of all the workers at the unit to handle this matter.

This meeting of all the workers of the unit
was very difficult. Everybody knew that the boss was connected to the
matter of hiring cadres back then, even if they feigned ignorance. The
boss knew that everybody knew that he accepted money, but he pretended
that he did not know that everybody knew. This type of thing cannot
be brought to the table, and it definitely cannot be stated in a public
setting. Everybody was an experienced old fox who has been around for
decades; everybody just kept it inside themselves.

The boss began with a dignified speech
spoken with plausible arguments: "Today, we are holding a meeting with
everybody. The main thing is to mobilize democracy and mass power
in order to find a solution for a worrisome problem. If this problem
is not solved, it will affect the public image of our unit and the positions
of the various attendees in the minds of the party committee government,
including your future and progress. The facts are these: once upon a
time, we hired cadres in conjunction with another department and there was a
minor problem. The organizer Zhao took the money but did not issue
receipts and the money was not accounted for afterwards. We all know
that he did not personally take the money, because the leaders in both units
agreed with the decision. Although the money was not accounted for, it
was used for the expenses in hiring the cadres such as arranging for
the examination, arranging for food and lodgings of the administrative
personnel from above, and so on. Anyway, this was not an individual
corruption case on the part of Zhao himself. I know about this
matter. Back then, there were very few departments which had
financial systems in place. If they want to bust people for this type
of thing, there are lots of people to bust. Therefore, Zhao is taking
the fall in this case for others. To be more precise, he is taking the
fall for our and his unit. Based upon the known situation now,
the disciplinary committee does not seem to want to go after people.
The key is that the money back then has to be returned to the
public. Zhao cannot come up with that money. It has been spent
already. Our department and their department both spent parts of
it. How shall this matter be handled? My view is that I want to
minimize any incident. Besides, this was not a big deal. In the
following, I would like everybody to discuss and express their
opinions."

The two deputies lowered their heads and
said nothing. They thought to themselves, "What the fuck is this
to me?"

The other ordinary workers watched the
performance of the boss with interest. They said nothing. For
the moment, the silence became very embarrassing.

The boss saw that things were not going
well and he urged: "Why is everybody saying nothing? Comrades, do
not think that this does not concern you. We have been saying
for months and years continuously about one thing -- that is to say, how come
our cadres are so good but they cannot get promoted? There is a
reason, comrades! If we cannot even solve this tiny problem, then we
have no fighting spirit and no cohesion. How do you expect me to go to
the party committee and ask for official appointments? This matter has
to be solved. Will the comrades please state their positions,
eh?"

The boss then looked at Zhang Fei.

This simpleton has the typical brain of
a pig. When he saw the boss's encouraging look, he became
excited. He remembered that his wife has just solved her job problem
for which the boss gave some help. You keep a pig around so that it
can be useful one day. So Zhang vied to be the first one to speak:
"Although I am not clear about the details of the case that the boss
brought up today, I can guarantee that Zhao is an innocent person on the
basis of my Party instinct (bullshit, how can your bullshit Party instinct
guarantee the innocence of someone else?). This good person
should not be wrongfully charged (more bullshit as this made no
sense). We should send some money from our unit's little gold
warehouse, or else things can get really bad."

As soon as Zhang Fei opened his bovine
mouth, everything changed. The words of Zhang Fei suited the
boss. If you state that you oppose this proposal, then you are
directly opposing the boss. What good can come out of opposing the
leader? None. Is there anything bad? There is plenty bad,
because he had hinted that your progress and future is in the hands of the
boss, right? If he wants to block your career, you will be never be mentioned
in front of the leaders and you will have no opportunity for promotion and
progress. If he won't even name you, how can you get promoted?
Afterwards, the ordinary cadres all stated that they agreed with pig-brain's
proposal. Although the two deputies did not agree in private, there
was nothing that they can do under the principle that the minority obeys the
majority. Since objection is futile, the smart Chinese would not
object and they will just muddle their way through instead. Anyway, the boss was
able to successfully obtain an apparent consensus at the meeting.

Since the pit was filled in, the problem
about the cadre hiring went away as the disciplinary committee was more
interested in curing an illness while saving some people!

3. The Tricks Used By The Local Number
One To Concentrate His Power

The local Number One is the party committee
secretary. The Tianya readers can speculate whether this is a town
party committee secretary, county party committee secretary or a city party
committee secretary. Anyway, there isn't too much difference.

From the moment that the former local Number One
assumed his post, he was able to promote new policies and concentrate power
for himself with any number of new and old tricks. It was a truly
astonishing sight. I have left home for some years, but my memory is
still fresh.

1. He adopted an strategy that strived for
excellence. When Number One came to the job, these were the first things
that he tried. The idea was that everything related to economics,
finance, urban construction, national land, education, public health, family
planning and so on must be known as "excellent." The
projects must be big, good and heavily capitalized. In order to
improve leadership of the strategy of excellence, there was a special
working group of leaders for the strategic work for excellence, with Number
One as the group director. After a few years, there were a number of
projects along the strategy of excellence: in city administration, there
were "beautifying, brightening, greening" projects; in urban
construction, there was a "Build a new city" project; urbanization
has a "The city welcomes rural migrants" project ... and just as
we got ready for the "Flying across the Pacific Ocean" project,
Number One was promoted. The chief advisor to each project was Number
One.

2. He formed many leadership working groups
under different titles. The most important ones that I can remember
are: the leadership working group for finance and taxation; the leadership
working group for urban construction, the leadership working group for
reform development, the leadership working group for organization reform,
the leadership working group for education ... the head of any leadership
working group that involves people, money and power is Number One himself.

3. He spoke frequently about the
re-assignment of the cadres. This is the same old trick that never
fails. Number One can be said to have mastered the operation of this
trick. He can tell the deputy secretary in charge of the party and the
masses, "You will likely become the next local administrative chief, so
keep up the good work." Meanwhile, he can drop the same hint with
another deputy secretary. This fills them up with hope and enthusiasm
to follow him. He was able to tightly control all the cadres, big and
small, within his domain for three to four years. Even to this date,
people admire him.

4. He employed only his associates.
"If you obey me, you will do well; if you oppose me, you are
finished." Anyone who disobeys him is re-assigned; anyone who
nestles close to him is given opportunities. During the reign of Number
One, all the direct government and party organization leaders were
transferred, replaced or removed. Even after Number One, his residual
influence stayed for a long time.

5. He allocated work through
re-assignment. The allocation of work during the re-assignments
involves a lot of know-how. While it is said that everybody is working
for the Revolution and there is no good or bad assignments, nobody believes
that kind of stage speech. I have not yet encountered anyone who
really believes that except for the young girl in my home. Using work
assignments to control power is the most typical means used by the
leader. It is also the most legitimate, and those who were re-assigned
cannot complain. There was a deputy who used to be in charge of
urban construction, finance and taxation and political law. He was
extremely powerful. But because he refused to obey Number One, his
work was subject to re-assignment and all his powers were stripped
away. After the re-organization, this deputy was in charge of ethnic
minorities, senior citizens and the handicapped persons' union. He ended up
slamming bricks of bean curd on his head everyday to commit suicide unsuccessfully. He finally gave up his job and ended up playing mahjong
with senior citizens everyday, with bets of 0.1 RMB per game (with 0.3
RMB per game for a good hand). Alas! Work assignment is so
useful!

4. The Elections

The Chinese people are an excellent people,
with a great deal of creativity. The most typical representation of
the vivid creativity of the modern Chinese is socialism with a unique
Chinese characteristic. In the following, I will describe the
base-level elections that I have seen, so that you can see what elections
with a unique Chinese characteristic are like. Ha!

1. The goal of the organization and the
will of the people.

If you have not heard about the phrase
"the goal of the organization," then you must have not
experienced or seen a base-level election in China. The goal of the
organization is a term that appears very frequently during each
election. The organization refers to the party organization.
The goal of the organization is the proposal from the party with respect
to various aspects of the election. To be precise, this is about who the party wants elected, how to elect them, and what measures
will be taken in the event that the party-recommended candidate is likely
not to be elected. All of these aspects have detailed contingency
plans. When someone is confirmed by the organization as the
candidate, it can be said that there is a 99.999% chance of being
elected. So what is the will of the people? The will of the
people is divided. You want to elect Person One, he wants to elect
Person Two and I want to elect Person Three. There is a vast
difference between the goal of the organization and the will of the
people. When does the goal of the organization become highly
consistent with the will of the people? The Chinese Communist Party
is a great, glorious and correct party and it is very good at being in
charge. It is experienced in managing the relationship between the
goal of the organization and the will of the people. In order to
make the goal of the organization highly consistent with the will of the
people, it is actually very simple: you will vote for Person One one way
or the other, because Person One is the only candidate! This is the
most frequently used method to guarantee that the election will
successfully realize the goal of the organization -- quota election.

2. How does someone jump out of an election
ballot box?

The goal of the organization is
determined by the organization. But some people refuse to accept
this and want to challenge the organization by secretly organizing
underground activities to get voters to elect him. These things
happen frequently each year. Has anyone been successfully elected
this way? Yes. I have seen it happen. Those who
successfully challenge the organization are said to be candidates who
jumped out of the election ballot box. I have seen two town mayors
who jumped out this way. The detailed operational procedure is as
follows: When the election is near, you begin secret activities unknown to
the organization (it better be secret or else you are dead!). For
example, suppose that the individual known as Wang is the deputy secretary
of some town. This comrade is active and down-to-earth, and he gets
along with the masses. He likes to go drinking with the people, and
his buddies like him. But even as he gets closer to the masses, he
forgets to get close to the superiors and the organization.
Naturally, when the organization begins to consider the election
candidates, they forget about him. Wang is quite indifferent, but
his drinking buddies are upset, "Secretary Wang, don't you want to
become town mayor?" "I am not thinking about it.
Forget it." "But Secretary Wang, you are such a good
official! We want you to become Number Two (the party secretary is
Number One) and lead us all to wealth!" When enough people in
the town say that, Wang becomes tempted. "So I will go for the
election. I don't give a fuck!" He begins to visit
this and that family. He visits all the People's Congress
representatives in the town and offers the idea to them. He speaks
openly to some, and he only drops hints to others. He visits some in
person, and he uses surrogates for others. Sometimes he brings a
carton of cigarettes, and other times he brings a bottle of liquor.
Since he has a good public opinion base already, people really do not
care about the value of the presents. Anyway, he fixes most of the
people who have the votes. On election day, several representatives
recommend Wang to oppose the candidate proposed by the organization.
The election result is dramatic as the organization's candidate
loses. Wang drops in from nowhere and becomes the town mayor with a
majority vote. The team in the organization that is responsible for
this election is criticized severely.

3. You should check out the organizational
measures

Once someone pops out of a ballot box,
this is a clear sign that the organization is being challenged. But
the Party follows the law. Once someone pops out, the mayor who
pops out is ultimately still the mayor and that is quite legal. So
he gets to stay one term. I have never heard the Party not
recognizing the fact. But these things only happen in special cases
(very special cases). In order to prevent people from popping out of
the ballot box, the organization has many measures. I can remember
the following:

(A) The organization keeps an eye on suspected
elements. Prior to an election, the organization's departments have
prepared for the election. Watching suspected elements is one of the
duties. If anyone lobbies for votes with banquets, runs underground
activities, forms alliances and other abnormal activities, or even just
hints as such, it must be reported to the leadership immediately.
Therefore, you will find that the leadership have special powers of
knowledge by which
they know everything that goes on.

(B) The leadership does their
work. As soon as it is discovered that someone wants to elect you,
or that you want to do something to get elected, the leaders will speak to
you and get you to abandon the idea with hard and soft tactics. The
leaders' speeches to you will consist these ideas: you are a Party member,
you will obey party discipline and you must not take these actions;
you are still young, you will get another opportunity next time; you are
quite competent, and the reason why the organization did not choose you is based upon the additional consideration to enable you to have even
better use; if you don't listen, you will be responsible for all
consequences ...

(C) The organization promises to
take care of the problems of the ballot box jumpers, such as the work
position of the children, the transfer of the wife, etc. The premise
is that the person must resolutely abandon the election.

(D) The organization pulls the rug
from underneath. So you want to jump out of the ballot box to become
a candidate. Why? Because someone is supporting you.
Fine, they will work on whoever is supporting you so that he won't support
you. For example, if a village secretary Ah Q supports you, they
will call Ah Q in and take turns to work on him. The work steps are as follows: first, they explain the greater good: "You are
a party
secretary, you are a party member, you must obey the party."
They can tempt him: "The party will consider your son's
work." They can threaten them, "Do you still want to
remain the party secretary? If you don't want to, just speak up and
we will re-assign you immediately." Anyway, until the work is
successfully completed, they won't let him go. So all your targets
are taken care of one after another. Nobody is going to nominate
you, so why bother entering the election? This is known as pulling
the rug from underneath.

(E) "Killing a chicken to show
the monkeys." There will always be some stubborn people in this
world, right? The organization offers him wages, it gives him an
official position, it provides a car for him, it gives him everything,
but he still try to act behind the back of the organization. He
thinks too highly of himself and believes that a dead fish can flip its
back. Hmmm, does anyone gets a good ending by opposing the party?
I have seen a moron who has risen to the rank of department administrator
after working for the party many years. But he thought that it was
not high enough, so what can you do? He wanted to become deputy
county mayor. What is so good about being a deputy county
mayor? The intention of this idiot was detected and the organization
invited him for a talk. They cannot reach an agreement after long
talks. He was stubborn. His reason was: "Did I break the
law? No! Did I commit a crime? No! Did I lobby for
vote? No! I only stuck to my principles after working for the
organization many years. A group of citizens wants to elect me.
Is that wrong? I want to be in the election!" This type
of stubborn people can be found everywhere in the country, especially in
Hunan. So the organization just shook its head in frustration.
Fine, the organization was not going to fool around anymore. So you
go and enter the election, and we will see how you die! On the next
day, as before, the organization deployed any number of methods in a mass
attack to fix all the People's Congress representatives who supported
him. So his election qualification? Zilch. On the third
day, the organization issued an order and re-assigned this idiot to assume
a deputy position in a unit that does nothing. Are you finished or
what? How dare you oppose the organization? As soon as all the
other tough guys who were thinking about jumping out of the ballot box saw
what happened, they quickly bailed out. This is known as killing a
chicken to warn all the monkeys.

(F) Undermining those who managed to successfully
jump out of the ballot box

Just because you managed to get elected,
that does not mean that you won. Without the support of the
organization, you can only jump twice or thrice, not even four to five
times. The organization reviles those people who jump out of the
ballot box. So after you get elected, they will take revenge.
So you want to be elected deputy county mayor, you can be the deputy county
mayor. But your work assignment will be either problematic or
unimportant. Problematic assignments include: investigation of
conflicts and family planning. Unimportant assignments include:
ethnic minorities, religion, the handicap union, etc. You want to
manage and I let you manage these things! You want to administer and
I let you administer these things! Also, I won't let you join the
organization team. You are not permitted to participate in
government work led by the party or anything that the party organization
is studying. To put it simply, you are frozen out.

(G) Personally protecting the
election candidates.

In order to guarantee that the election
candidate gets a sufficient number of legal votes, the most certain way is
to offer full protection to those who hold the votes. For elections
at the town or higher levels, everything is done by indirect
election. People like you and I do not get to vote; the votes are in
the hands of the People's Congress representatives and party
representatives (anyway, they all belong to the Party). These
base-level People's Congress representatives and Party representatives are
the people whom the organization has to spend a great of effort to
protect. I once observed the election of the standing committee by
party representatives. This was a big deal because the position of
Standing Committee member usually is not elected by the party
representatives at large. I happened to have been privileged to
observe this exceptional case. When the party representatives cast
their votes, they were accompanied by people all the way through. To
make this clear, they better vote for Person One and not Person Two.
There were two candidates and just one Standing Committee position, so this
was an election for the higher number of votes. Person One was the one
arranged by the organization to get elected, while Person Two was the
person arranged by the organization with lesser ability and
influence. Prior to the vote, all the Party representatives had
been worked on to make sure that Person One gets elected with a high
vote. In order to ensure that the goal of the organization is
realized, when the ballot is cast, someone watched that the voter has
circled the name of Person One and placed the ballot into the box.
Meanwhile, Person Two knew that he was there for show and he did not mind
even if he gets zero votes. On the occasion that I witnessed, this
idiotic Person Two was a Party representative as well as a
candidate. So he had a vote himself. Whom did he vote
for? The organization told him, "Person Two, you cannot vote
for yourself. You can only vote for Person One!" So he
obediently voted for Person One.

5. Miscellaneous notes

1. Organization

The organization is a work structure of
the Party within a certain administrative domain. That is my
understanding. For example, in a certain city, the organization is
the city party committee. In a certain county, the organization is
the county party committee. And so on. But whether this is the
city or county party committee, this is not abstract and you must never
try to comprehend the organization in an abstract way. According to
the understanding of many comrades in the party, the organization is the
leader and the leader is the organization. I heard one county party
committee secretary tell the organization department director: "The
goal of the organization is to realize the goal of the secretary, and the
goal of the secretary is the goal of the organization!" Isn't
this quite clear? A town party secretary said, "I can offend
all 100,000 people in the whole town, but I cannot offend the county party
committee secretary." There is no need to explain the reason.

2. It's a pity

There once was a guy who was young,
bright, smart and capable. He rose from a base-level worker to a
deputy position in the political law department before he was even forty
years old. His future looked bright. Unfortunately, soon after
he became a department deputy, he did something stupid. That year,
there was a government administrative election. Although he was not
nominated, he was persuaded by a bunch of friends to jump out of the
ballot box for a deputy mayor position. So he plotted well and then
he went down to the villages to form alliances. But as soon as he
showed up, he was detected by the organization. So he was
immediately accused of illegal conspiracy, re-assigned to idle work and
demoted. So nowadays, this man has lost his will and interest and he
barely even shows up at his office. The insiders say that the
organization actually had other arrangements for him. But after this
episode, what arrangements can there possibly be?

The conclusion: stay cool.

3. To join the Party? Or not join the
Party?

Joining the Party does not mean
anything. Within this unit, those who should be in the party are
already there. When I wrote out my Party application, I was the only
in the unit who was not a member. The organizational administration
comrade said, "Our development of party membership is that we develop
another one if there is one left; it is not as if we develop one who is
ready." The Chinese Communist Party has 69 million
members. If they add me, it will just be 69 million plus one.
If you have not joined the Party yet, you may want to think about going
against the current and become a non-party member who supports the
Party. Maybe you can reap unexpected results. Within the
government and the organization, there is a need for adding democratic or
non-party persons as leaders. If everybody else belong to the party
and you are not, then you will be the leader. A classmate of mine
ended up with the deputy position at this unit. This idiot is the
classical bookworm who does not know how to offer gifts to the
leaders. But the organization still wanted him because he did not
join the Party and he had all the other qualifications.

4. Fermenting

Do you know what is fermenting?
When the election is about to take place, the organization must first
determine the qualifications of the candidates. The process of
fermenting seems to be complicated and it is difficult to describe
everything. But however you want to describe fermenting, there is
only one goal: to make sure that the preferences of Number One, Number
Two, Number Three down to Number N pass through the set procedures and be
confirmed as the candidates recommended by the organization. The
activities on the stage appear to be quite high sounding in accordance
with the procedures and there is nothing to say. But the key is that
all those transactions occur off the stage. Do you want to be the
town mayor? You better work on it ahead of time! Someone told
us that only idiots work at the last minute. If you want to build up
relationships, you should do it at ordinary times without making too much
fuss. There are many ways, and you only have to be clever.
There is no need to describe the different ways in detail, because it is
more or less the same around the country. It is about meeting the
interests of the leader, bringing him gifts during the holidays and making
reports to the leader about your work. Whatever the leader likes,
you join him. Wherever the leader is likely to appear, you should be
there too. Whenever the leader needs you, you appear in time.
When the leader likes you, you will be remembered when there are new job
openings. I remember one filthy cadre who was corrupt at every job
position. Each time after he was caught by the disciplinary
committee, he would continue to be promoted after the punishment.
You should not be surprised, because his skill is that he knows how to
please the leader by fixing connections and arranging for food and
drinks. That goes without say. But the most terrific thing was
that this character knows what the leader likes and he specializes in
pimping. He can recite from memory all the pretty girls in the
district, including names, units, age, address and telephone
numbers. Whenever the leader needs something, he only has to find
this guy and he can get it. Alas! If someone likes this is not
promoted, who deserves to be promoted?

5. The most nervous person in an election

Do you know who is the most nervous
person during an election? It is not the person who casts the vote,
because there is nothing to be nervous about. It is not the
candidate, because he is confident. It is not the person who calls
out the vote, because this technical work is easy to do.

The most nervous people are those who are
assigned to keep watch. Their job assignment is to trail those
people who are attempting to jump out of the ballot box. They are
usually minions with neither power nor authority and are assigned to watch
those who are usually powerful and valued such as town party committee
secretaries. Yet their responsibilities are huge because it would be
a disaster if the object of the watch vanishes from sight! Once that
person escapes, he is capable of working all over the place and once the
momentum is attained, the goal of the organization will fail. So
this is a tremendous responsibility. Yet, one cannot follow an
important official too closely, because when the other party gets angry,
one gets a scolding at best and a beating at worst.
"Motherfucker! I am not breaking the law or committing a crime,
so why are you following me?" Furthermore, it may be someone
with whom there was a good relationship before and so it gets awkward when
there is now a conflict in roles. There was one guy who had to
follow a town party committee secretary, who used a trick to disappear
from view for an hour. The guy was scared colorless and nearly in
tears. When he reported the occurrence to his leader, he got a
scolding and almost a beating. Finally, they had to send the police
cars out before finally finding the person.

6. Keeping company in an election

The funniest thing in an election is
keeping company. A unique product of base-level election in
socialism with unique Chinese characteristics is that some people are
there to keep company. The goal is to guarantee that the goal of the
organization should be achieved in an election in which the largest number
of votes results in victory. This is illustrated by an example.

On a certain day in 2003, the People's
Congress in a certain county was being elected. According to
practice, the various levels and sectors will divide the quota for the
representatives. There are five positions from the educational
sector, of which four are for rural elementary and secondary schools, and
one for the department of education and schools under direct county
control. The goal of the organization is that the latter position
should be elected based upon the largest number of votes going to a the
Education Department director. In order to make sure that happens
according to the expectations of the organization, the organization
ordered the county's professional middle school principal enter in the
election as well. The latter comrade is less qualified in
reputation, ability, position and influence than the first comrade, and
the man understands that it is obvious that he is being asked to keep
company. Like a little boy who comes to visit, you play with him for
half a day. When people finish voting, you leave. Under normal
circumstances, the Education Department director should win the election
easily.

7. Establishing connections

Following the preceding story, the
various election activities are proceeding as normal. But there are
rough undercurrents even underneath a calm ocean. There are so many
intellectuals in the education field and there are so many talented people
around. The Department of Education director was being nominated as
the People's Congress candidate not for being exceptional but because he
has been around long enough. The principal of the county middle
school is a talented and capable person with many friends. Some days
before the election, the friends of the principal did not like the
Education Department director and wanted to do something. So
everybody plotted across the mahjong tables and whispered in the
offices. They decided collectively that they would not circle the
director's name nor the other candidate's name on election day.
Instead, they will write down the name of the principal as a write-in
candidate. Of course, the principal knew about this, but he neither
organized not stopped this. So on election date, when the ballot
boxes were opened, no one had more than half of the votes. The
organization was stunned and then they re-grouped! According to the
election law, when nobody gets more than half the number of votes, the
election has to be held again. This time, the list of candidates
included the principal's name. The result of the new election should
be obvious, as the principal defeats the director.

8. Placating

There are two circumstances under which
the organization will offer to placate people. The first
circumstance is when the person arranged by the organization did not get
elected. This situation usually makes the candidate very embarrassed
while making those responsible for the election work feel like
losers. The organization which nominated the person is even
angrier. But the organization has a way of placating the person with
some other form of compensation. Talk is cheap, so there better be
practical steps taken. The election loser will be given another assignment.
If you can't get elected as the mayor of Village One, the organization
will arrange you to become the mayor of Town Two, or even the party
secretary. Anyway, as long as Number One is good to you, you will
get one official position after another.

The second circumstance is when a comrade
is arranged to run along in an election in which he is guaranteed to
lose. Not anyone can be chosen to do this. Once the election
is over, the organization will placate the election loser when an
opportunity arises. For example, if you were a division director,
you may get a department deputy directorship. Anyway, if you do well
by the organization, the organization treats you well. Ha!

9. The boat overturns

When you want to muddle along in
government, you have to follow the leader but you cannot ignore the other
types of relationships or else you run the risk of overturning the boat in
shallow waters. This will be illustrated by an actual example.

There once was a smart person who had a
good relationship with the local Number One. So he rose from deputy
secretary to town mayor to secretary. When the new government was
appointed, he was transferred as substitute director of a county-level
department. A substitute director is only one step away from the
directorship, missing only a document of appointment from the People's
Congress. But this person was too smart and not humble enough.
The People's Congress is the highest local authority (or so says the
Constitution) and ignoring the old comrades of the People's Congress is
ignoring the masses! So this person's excessive behavior aroused
public ire and the People's Congress representatives taught this person a
lesson during the appointment process and denied his appointment.

Conclusion: Don't let things get to your
head.

10. On stage and off stage

When an official speaks from the stage,
you cannot usually trust what he says because even he does not believe
it. What he has been speaking are words that were downloaded by his
secretarial assistant from the Internet, and then reproduced, copied,
pasted, edited, combined, borrowed and augmented. I can say without
boasting that yours truly is an expert that everyone can depend on in such
matters. Everybody in government knows that what is said on the
stage should not be taken as true. In 2000, I had just recently
entered the ranks of government. At the end of the year, the
discipline committee issued a written notice that the various kinds of
inspections are reaching a high. In order to prevent dining on
public funds, it was ordered that various kinds of meals would be banned
and severe punishment would follow if the inspection team finds
violations. There was a long list of items about what was not allowed
on business. I read it carefully and I thought that the Communists
were good in reining in the Party and the government, and it would be a
matter of time before corruption was exterminated. So I reported
this to the boss and he twitched his mouth and said, "Fine, according
to this, we don't have to eat." When the document reached
deputy Huang, he was a straight person and he said, "Isn't this the
biggest joke on earth?" I could not believe that a document
from the disciplinary committee could be a joke! Later, I discovered
that this was really a joke. When the disciplinary committee came to
our unit to check, the first assignment that I got was to arrange for a
restaurant. The report was delibered in a few sentences, a few words
of humility were uttered and then we went to have fun down at the
restaurant. If you think that it is absurd for the disciplinary
committee to slap itself on the mouth, then I tell you that these absurd
things can happen anytime.

There is not much to say about the
officials on the stage. They all wear western suits and leather
shoes, they speak officialese about serving the people, they read out
their secretaries' manuscripts and they issue middle-of-the-road
opinions. The officials off stage allow you to see their real faces.

Occasionally, I get to dine with minor
bureaucrats and I find that these idiots are actually from the same mould
as those guys who go out drinking and get into fights. I have to
laugh. Fuck! The rigid postures on the stage were all an
act. They look like statues up there. One time, I had dinner
with a standing committee member, a deputy county mayor and the traffic
police captain. I ate when I had to and I drank when I had to, and I
quietly observed these big shots who look like people but act like
dogs. After three rounds of drinks, things heated up. Various
lower-class behavior showed up, such as drinking contests, dirty stories
and brotherhood showed up with these important people. It turns out
these people were sworn brothers who promised to share fortune and
corruption. I heard the deputy county mayor say to the traffic
police captain: "Brother, what about the police car license plate
that you promised me?" The traffic police captain replied in
his drunken haze: "It is done already. All the brothers have
them! But if you want to take it away, you have to finish three more
big cups!"

11. Work requirements

The term 'work requirements' appears
frequently in enough in government work. Political animals use this
word to reach their various objectives. For example, how do you
proceed to disarm your opponents? You start off with work
requirements. It is often said that I am a brick of the party.
Wherever I am needed, I move there. When a political animal feels
that a subordinate is disobedient, or else is threatening his own
interests, he would make a re-assignment based upon work
requirements. The person has to pack up and leave, and be idle or
unemployed.

Work requirements have many other
synonyms: all actions must follow orders, obey organizational discipline,
look at the big picture, sacrifice the self for the greater good ...
anyway, these are all irresistible reasons. Anyone who has been in
government knows that if you have not been getting along with the leader
recently and he mentions the term "work requirements", you
should be concerned and be ready for bad things to come.

Sometimes, even work requirements can be
blown up to absurd proportions. A certain direct school belongs in a
district with first-rate schools and tutorials in the morning and
evening. They cannot be absent under the threat of wage
deductions. Ordinarily, the school teachers would not violate this
rule. One year, there came a group of recent graduates from
teachers' universities and these girls included some very attractive ones
who gained the attention of the political animals even before school
began. For the first few months that the new girls started working,
they received telephone calls from the school leaders to attend parties,
dance balls, karaoke and other entertainment events. The young girls
didn't know any better and they accepted all invitations. According
to the school leaders, they were directed to attend the cultural and
entertainment activities organized by the leaders. In other words,
these were work requirements. Since they can eat, drink and have fun
as well as meet the legendary leaders, the girls would obviously go.
The more ridiculous thing was that the girls were sometimes supposed to
work at the evening tutorials. But just when they entered the
classroom, they received the call from the school leader to proceed to
have tea at a certain place. "What about the evening
tutorial? It would mean wage deductions!" The school
leader would say properly: "You are permitted skip the evening
tutorial. Please proceed immediately!" When the girls
heard that, they smiled, they left the students behind and they excitedly
participated in the more important work.

12. A letter to a certain pretty girl
(=PLMM)

Dear MM:

From the first day that I saw you, I
liked you. You have a great body, you are pretty, you can sing and
dance, you are talented and you have great presence. Is it possible
for me not to like you? I think that all men have their ideas.
Those who are married want to get divorced, those who are divorced want to
get married and those who are unmarried want to fall in love. When I
think that you are the center of attention of thousands of men, I am
humiliated. I am plain-looking, untalented and not wealthy.
How can I get your attention? Perhaps you don't even have the time
to look at me. But one day, I read a book in which Confucius taught
us that we do what we can and let the heavens decide. It also says
that the spirit of the scholar is to do something even if he knows that it
cannot be achieved. This has given me great encouragement to try to
win you. I have inherited the spirit of old-timers such as Zeng
Guofan who kept fighting and losing and who kept losing and
fighting. After sending you a thousand and one flowers and after
getting turned down by you a thousand and one times, I finally moved
you. You accepted my invitation and you agreed to go to dinner with
me tonight and afterwards we would go out for entertainment. Once I
confirmed your positive answer, I turned pale and nearly passed out.
Thankfully, a royal doctor was by me and revived me just in time.

So I took a bath, I put on my most
expensive western suit and my best tie, I wore my best shoes and I spray
some cologne on me before I went out for my date. Half an hour after
the appointed time, you arrived. I was not mad because you were late
because men have no right to be mad, especially against pretty
women. Anyway, there was no time to talk as we proceed to eat.
I ordered the most expensive items! But it turned out that you were
not interested in the most expensive food, because you were receiving so
many phone calls. Over the course of the short half hour meal, you
received six calls. For the latter half, you just said "I'm
very busy now. I'll call you back" and hung up. So you
calmed down and ate half a bowl of rice. It was like a performance
watching you eat a meal. Anyway, it is understandable that a pretty
woman would have many friends and therefore get many telephone calls.

After concluding this embarrassing
dinner, we went to the barbarians' bar and sat down to listen to the music
of screaming ghosts. A group of men and women were rocking and
rolling and we quickly joined in. Just as we were having fun
twisting, you received another telephone call. As you spoke on the
telephone, you walked out of the crowd. I followed you. You
quickly put away the telephone and you said to me, "I'm sorry.
Something important just came up tonight. I can't keep you company
anymore." At that moment, my heart went cold. But I acted
magnanimously and said, "Go ahead then. Would you like me to
take you there?" "No, no, no." "Let me
take you there. It is not safe for a girl to go out
alone." "There is really no need. I'll just take a
taxi. Thank you. You continue to have fun here.
Bye." The pretty girl came and went quickly. I was
confused and disappointed.

I did not like the sudden drop in passion
and so I followed you out to watch you go. Suddenly, I rubbed my
eyes to look at the car parked outside the disco. I saw you got into
that car and before I even realized, the car had left. Five minutes
later, I remembered -- it was the car of the local Number One. Ten
minutes later, my telephone rang and it was the boss. He wanted me
to go to this night club. I knew that the boss was entertaining
there tonight and wanted me to take care of the bill. So I regrouped
myself and went to the night club. The service worker brought me
into the largest and most luxurious karaoke suite in which there were many
people. I was shocked to find that Number One was there. Next
to Number One was the person that I least wanted to see in this kind of
setting -- it was you and you had just been with me earlier! So your
important business was to come here and do this!

The philosopher Ah Q said that the
greatest sadness in life is the collapse of the idol. In the one
moment when you and I looked at each other, that famous saying flashed
across my mind. Sorrow, sadness, sourness, regret ... thousands of
complicated emotions came to me. What were you thinking? That
night, I drank a lot of alcohol like a zombie. That night, I
received an SMS: "Sorry, I was not deliberately trying to lie to
you." That night, I received a phone call from a friend:
"Are you out of your mind? Are you crazy about women? How
dare you approach someone like that? How can you want to approach
someone like that? Haven't you heard that she is a member of the
harem?" I said that I heard that, but I did not believe
it. I did not believe it. I never believed it. But now I
had to believe it! So after giving me some progressive education, my
friend summarized: "Brother, you would rather have nothing than too
much of something!"

You are dead within my heart!
Although the process of dying took a long, long time, I have finally
buried you, who was a goddess and an idol. Not for any other reason
but that you were one of the legendary beauties of the harem! Bye
bye.

A Fan Who Almost Became Your Lover.
You know my name.
Day/month/year.

13. The fall of a beauty

Qiao was a pretty girl. Since
graduating, she has been a middle-school substitute teacher. She has
a great figure, pale skin and pretty looks. She knows how to speak
coyishly and make eyes, and she can handle a few drinks. The best
thing is that she has a wonderful voice that everybody loves.
Through the introduction of some little crawling political worm, she
became a favorite companion with officials, as she moved around
restaurants, teahouses, dance halls, karaoke places to entertain people
with song and wine. She was a favorite of one of the great
leaders. Then one day, the whole town was talking about a car
accident. It was said to have occurred in the middle of the
night. A police officer was dead in the driver's seat and the pretty
woman next to him was seriously injured in the face. Fortunately,
the woman did not die and was taken to the People's Hospital. The
rumor among the people was that when the traffic police arrived at the
scene, they found the buttons on the clothes of the woman in the passenger
seat were undone and that did not occur as a result of the
collision. Therefore, they said that right before the accident
occurred, the police officer had one hand on the steering wheel and the
other hand was taking care of some other business. The pretty woman
was none other than Qiao. When Qiao came to in the hospital, her
first sentence was, "I don't want to drink anymore!" Where
was she that night? What was she doing? When did she get on
the police car? Why were the buttons undone? All sorts of
speculation began to appear, and every person on the street became an
expert puzzle-solver. Someone connected all the details and said
that the police officer was ordered by the leader to take the drunken Qiao
home. On the way, he helped himself and ended up dead. These
stories were not all credible, but the only thing for certain was that
Qiao's pretty looks were gone with the wind.

After Qiao was healed, she became a
different person. She said nothing all day, and the leader never
asked for her again. The pretty looks and the nights of drinking and
singing belonged in the past! Her aged father went to the
organization to demand justice, with the reason being that she was
drinking with the leader. Since that was a job requirement, she was
therefore injured in the line of duty. The organization did not
accept this explanation -- it will never accept this! You must be
joking, because what leader will come forth to confirm such an
incident! This was ridiculous.

14. Complaining

If you are dissatisfied with the behavior
of any government official, you ought to complain. If you complain,
then at least those minor government functionaries will treat you better
and be less likely to bully you. If you think that you are willing
to let it pass, then I will tell you that those minor government
functionaries are apt to think that they are daddies and the little
citizens are their children, or even just beggars. Actually, they
are your children! Comrade Xiaoping said, "I am the son of the
people." His grandma! Even Xiaoping is the people's son,
so he must be my son or what? If the government official dares to be
rude or indifferent or otherwise have a bad attitude, you must teach this
son a lesson so that he can return being a son.

When I first arrived in Shenzhen, I did
not have a place to say. Rent was expensive and I did not think it
was worthwhile paying that. So I made the decision to buy an
apartment. I made a down payment, I signed the contract and then I
thought day and night about getting all the procedures done. One
day, I called the information line at the National Land Department.
A son around twenty years or so took the call. I asked him about how
to handle the relevant matters. He told me impatiently, "It is
all on our website. You go and look it up yourself." I
said, "You website is not easy to open, and I don't know where the
window is. Can you provide me with more details?" He
said, "I don't know either." I said, "Then your
colleagues must know. Can you ask them and then tell me?"
He said, "I'm very sorry, but they don't know either. You look
it up yourself." I thought, "You must fucking think that I
am a fool! You dare to say that you don't know? This is your
line of business and you don't know?" So I suppressed my anger
and I said coldly, "Fine, you don't know. But I think that your
leader must know. I am going to ask him directly.
Bye." Guess what happened? This bastard called me back in
less than five minutes. He sounded as nice as a prostitute and gave
me the details. This time, he knew that he was just a son.
Hmmm. Smart.

I will relate another instance of a
complaint. On one afternoon, I went to the social security
department to get a social security card. When I got to the fourth
floor office, the worker was a young man. When he heard that I was a
hired worker, he was contemptuous. He glanced at me, and spoke to me
through his nose. He began to ask me for all sorts of identification
as if I was a migrant worker. I was getting very annoyed. But
I have seen it all before and I did not mind. But then he asked me
if I remember my insurance number. How can I remember? He said
that if I cannot remember, then this card cannot be processed and I better
ask my unit. I said that I came here only because the unit handler
was out of the office and so it was a problem to get it from the
unit. As I hesitated, he said impatiently to me, "Alright, you
pay 10 RMB and I will look it up." I gave him 10 RMB without
thinking. He entered my identity number into the computer and the
insurance policy number came out immediately. It took less than 10
seconds. It registered in my head immediately, "Fuck!
That's ten RMB?" And there was no receipt.

When I got back to the unit, I found the
telephone number of the social security department leader. I asked
him politely, "Does your unit charge money for looking up an
insurance policy number?" The leader denied it. I said,
"Oh, but your department just took 10 RMB from me. One RMB per
second. Somewhat expensive, eh? It is one thing to take the
money, but when will I get a receipt?" When the director heard
that, he got worried. He said immediately that he will conduct a
serious investigation. The next day, the social security department
office called me is to say that it was true that the money was received,
but it was not for the look-up. Rather, it was the card-processing
fee. I said, "Fine. So you have a basis for charging the
fee. When will I get the receipt?" The other side replied
carefully, "As soon as the card is processed, we will give it to
you." This matter is not closed at this time. They have
the nerve to bully a Tianya member. I will continue fighting this
one with them, until they know that even though I am an ordinary citizen,
I am still one of their daddies.

15. Taking telephone calls

There is a great deal of knowledge with
respect to taking telephone calls. If you take the wrong call, the
leader will curse you out. It is hard to discuss principles, so I
will use some actual examples. This goes back to before I became the
office director. One day, the director was out and I was alone
taking telephone calls. A call came in and I recognized immediately
recognized this to be Mr. Pig. The street talk had been that he was
going to become the next county mayor, but Comrade Pig did not value his
own future and he only knew how to pursue fun and corruption. He was
known as the secretary who was interested in three things: playing
cards/mahjong during the day, sleeping with women at night and snoring
during meetings. This was really getting to be too much. Since
he did not get along with Number One, he was banished by Number One during
the "Three Talks" campaign, relieved of his duties and retained
as an "assistant deputy researcher." So Mr. Pig was no
longer the next county mayor and he had more power. But he used to
be an important county leader and when someone like that calls, one should
give him some face. So I spoke to him politely. Mr. Pig wanted
to speak to the boss, so I went to the boss's office and asked him to take
the call. When the boss heard that it was Mr. Big, he was impatient
and he finished the call in suppressed anger. When I saw how the
boss looked, I knew that I had made an avoidable error. The boss
hemmed and hawed on the phone and got by. When he put down the
telephone, he turned around and told me, "Why can't you learn to be
smarter? How can you get me to answer this kind of call? You
should have just say that I am down in the countryside!" From
then on, I got smart. If this man calls again, I say only one thing:
"Sorry, the boss is out. Would you like to call his mobile
phone?"

There is another type of telephone call
in which the caller identifies himself as being from an upper-level
department or even the central party committee and wants to speak to the
leader. You should not get the leader to take these kinds of calls,
because they often come from swindlers. When I was still young and
innocent, a sweet-taking woman from Beijing called and said that she was a
worker from the State Council Committee in charge of our business.
She wanted to speak to the boss and I believed her. So I told the
boss to take the call. When the boss picked up the phone, the woman
began to talk and the central meaning was that they wanted the boss to
contribute an article into an edited volume of theirs. But they
needed some money. It was not a lot, only five hundred RMB for the
book. The boss hemmed and hawed and promised to consider this.
After he put down the phone, the boss gave me a tongue-lashing.
"How dare you get me to take this kind of call?" I said
that she claimed to be from the central party committee and so I did not
dare delay? The boss smirked. Later, I figured out that anyone
who makes such a call could not possibly be from the central
government. Why? It is very simple. If the central party
committee wants to speak to a local person, they will go to the province,
and the province will get the city, and so on. They will jump right
in. Have you ever heard Wen Jiabao call a county mayor directly to
discuss work? Therefore, the correct way to deal with these types of
calls is not to scold her but to fool with her. How to fool with
her? I have deduced a method based upon practical experience.
One time, I received a similar kind of call. The young woman on the
telephone said, "Is the boss in?" I said that I was him
and I asked her to speak. She patiently explained a lot of things to
me and then she revealed the bottom card: She wants money. So I
imitated the talking style of the boss, I hemmed and hawed a lot and then
I said that our unit is in poor financial situation. Then I ask her
for a cheaper price, like ten RMB or so. The other party quickly
lost patience and hung up to look for other commercial
opportunities. There are many other methods, but they all revolve
around one thing: deception.

16. The fallen ones

When the political animals are in power,
they are imposing and impressive. If they should lose power one day,
it is inevitable that people will jump on that. As described before,
Secretary Pig ran into the "Three Talks" campaign, got ousted
and met a cruel fate. Prior to that, Secretary Pig had all the power
and his subordinates could not wait to curry favors. All Secretary
Pig had to do was to drop a hint about his wish and the subordinates would
arrange for it; even if he said nothing, someone could make all the
arrangements for him. Secretary Pig liked women, so someone set up
all the connections and relationships. Secretary Pig also liked to
gamble, so there were many more people trying to make nice. The
funny thing was that the secretary was not lucky and often lost.
Why? Because there were some professional gamblers in the
organization. Most of these people are chauffeurs. They don't
want to become officials, they don't want to be famous and they only want
to make money. Their expertise in gambling far exceeds others.
They figured out that Secretary Pig had plenty of money so they sought him
out deliberately to gamble and they had no mercy. So Secretary Pig
lost a great deal of money while some chauffeurs became rich. After
a couple of years, one chauffeur was able to buy a three-story house
without spending one cent of his wages. This was a legend in the
gambling world, and it showed how much money Secretary Pig had lost.
Once he was defanged, nobody came to see him. His so-called friends
avoided him. Previously, they sought him out and tried to be close
to him and they called him everyday. Now, he is lucky that they take
the call when he phones them. His various misdeeds were also
discussed openly within the circle. Previously, people spent public
funds to entertain him; now they are concerned and rueful because they
don't know how to enter that into the accounts. Most of people who
have fallen are in such situations. Those who want to become
officials had better be careful!

I might as well as let you see even more
clearly the sadness of someone who has fallen. Perhaps this will be
helpful one day. While the person was in power, he can access
everything. After falling from power, he knows that he had better
not even ask for a car to conduct business. People are apt to say,
"Dear leader, I am sorry but our car is under repair. Would you
like me to try to find another car?" The rejection is politely
phrased and you cannot complain. But it is possible that you may see
the car that was under repair speed by in front of your eyes within the
next few minutes. Is that deliberately rubbing it in on the fallen
person? Also, you better not think that there is still money to be
had. The so-called Secretary Pig was fortunate not to have people
showing up to call in old debts. But he may have lost so much money
that his mind is gone because sometimes he called up people to ask for a
loan. It was out of the question to borrow public funds, so he asked
for personal loans. One time, one of those damned phone calls
reached a person named Jiang in the county party committee office.
Jiang recognized why Secretary Pig called and smiled: "Secretary, I
didn't bring cash today. Should I borrow some money for you from the
financial office?" When Secretary Pig heard that, he knew that
he can forget about borrowing money from the financial office and so he
gave up. Another time, a certain division head who had been
previously promoted by Secretary Pig could not withstand the badgering and
wanted to borrow some money to get rid of him. But the man's wife
was a snob and she grabbed the telephone and said, "Secretary, we
just completed decoration at our home and we are tight on money. I
am sorry." This naked response really embarrassed Secretary
Pig.

I will tell you another story about a
has-been person. This person named Gou was a deputy county mayor and
he had been in charge of personnel and finances. While he was in
power, he offended many cadres. After he retired, he was still
called Mayor Gou. But he does not have a telephone and he could not
call anyone. Worst yet, he found out only then that he had no play
mates. He was too embarrassed as a mayor (he still thinks that he is
a leader) to go visit other old people to play. So he stayed by
himself and he was getting bored. The old men in the neighborhood
liked to play a ball game and he wanted to join the fun. But when
the old men saw him, their faces tightened and they said, "Hmm.
You want to play this? Think back a few years when I looked you for
some minor issue. You were like a rock, you were rock hard and you
looked as if I owed you several tens of thousands of silver taels.
So why don't you ask how many people want to be on the same side with
you?" When this has-been deputy county secretary heard that, he
felt embarrassed and he quickly left. This political animal who was
used to putting his signature and chop on documents and ordering people
about was lonely and isolated upon retirement. He could not adjust
psychologically. He aged quickly, he got ill quickly and he died in
sorrow. If you don't believe me, you can inquire just how many
persons who retired from administrative leadership positions (especially
those who didn't do good things) lived long lives?

17. Exchange

The exercise of power can sometimes be
amusing. The boss has a niece who was a laborer. To place her
in a government job would lead to accusations of abuse of power and
criticisms, so it was difficult. By coincidence, the boss of another
organization had the same problem of finding a job for his son. So
it was a match, as the two bosses discussed in private and made the
perfect arrangement for their next generation. This is how it
worked: our boss's niece went to the other organization where she was
brought in as a trainee, hired and formally placed. Meanwhile the
other boss's son was brought into our organization as a trainee, hired and
formally placed. This is known as a win-win situation in which
everybody is happy. Ha, have you this happen before?

18. The meetings that cannot be missed.

Some meetings can be missed. For
example, teleconferences for production safety or progressive family
planning education, or business working meetings called by some department
in the name of the party committee and government can be bypassed by
simply appointing someone else to appear without your own personal
presence. But there are some meetings that you cannot afford to
miss. First, there are the meetings in which the leader reports on
his work. If the boss is missing, then this is uncool because it
would seem that he does not value the work nor the leader. Second,
there are the meetings about job assignments and other important
matters. It would be a loss especially since you cannot
attend. There was one time when the boss was attending a meeting at
the provincial office. He suddenly received news about a personnel
meeting for the county in the evening. The boss made an immediate
decision to ask for leave to go home and joined this meeting. It was
on this meeting that the leaders arranged jobs for the relatives of all
the bureaucrats. The boss's son had just graduated from university
and he was lucky to be placed in an important department. If the
boss did not travel all the way back, it would be hard to predict whether
his son could have received any arrangements. It was hard to say
whether one can influence the decisions at a meeting in which one was
absent. Fuck! Other people's children cannot enter the ranks
of public service, but these bastards can make it happen in just one
meeting.

Ah Q said, the road to life is long but
the most important steps are few. Looking at it today, these words
are still very sensible.

19. Putting on a show

To be an official is to put on a
show. You go to investigate in the countryside, you get on stage to
deliver a speech, you shake hands and offer a toast, you cut the ribbon
and lay a foundation. Everything is a show. Alternately, one
asks: Is it possible not to put on a show? Answer: No.
Why? It is the system. An official said, "It is
impossible. I have to put on a show. For example, I went out
and participated in the raids on underground clinics this morning. I
am the administrative leader, so I had to be at the scene. This way,
I please everybody. The workers thinks that I am paying attention,
the leaders think that I take action and the media have a focus to report
on. Actually, whether I go or not makes no difference to the action,
but can I not act in this show? Everybody does this."

So let us look at the investigative
research. This is supposed to help understand a situation, and
identify and solve the problems. But in actual work, how many
leaders really work towards these goals? Bullshit! Most
leaders will hold a mobilization meeting, and say a few empty words that
are standard everywhere. The investigation is then handed over to a
team, which will not investigate too seriously. They hold a few
forums, they distribute a few ambiguous survey questionnaires, they write
an indifferent investigative report, they offer a few recommendations that
are neither here nor there and they accomplish their mission. Most
of these investigations have the conclusions determined first before the
supporting data are found. Any raw data that contradict the original
conclusion will be ignored because they are useless. I once
participated in a party membership style study. There was this
question in the survey questionnaire:

Do you think that the current behavior
of party members in our county is
A. Most party cadres have good style
B. Most party cadres have relatively good style
C. Most party cadres have problems in their style
D. Most party cadres have serious problems in their style

The survey results were 5% chose A, 6%
chose B, 79% chose C and 10% chose D. The conclusion is obvious, but
once the writers made their interpretation, the conclusion became this:

The survey results show that the masses
are generally satisfied with the style of the party cadres. Only
10% of the masses believe most party cadres have serious problems in
their style, and 90% of the masses do not think so.

Funny.

Let us look at the stage show
again. Some of the stage acting ability of the leaders on the stage
is quite good. The former local Number One was supposed to have
studied in graduate school and was the "single best" local
Number One ever. He gets on the stage and he can speak without a
script as he talk about everything from bin Laden blowing up buildings to
globalization, from IT business to agriculture by custom order, from the
difficulty of hiring workers in Guangdong to industrial shifting.
His words can make your blood boil and your head spin. Frankly
speaking, he was a good motivational speaker. This Number One was
best known for controlling the power and putting on shows, and the two
cannot be separated. According to a worker close to him, the current
Number One is nowhere near the quality of the former Number One.
When the former Number One motivates, the problems are often solved easily
-- when the buildings go down, urban construction begins
immediately. The current Number One only reads from the manuscript
and the people down stage are half asleep. If his meetings are like
that, then the work is even more lackadaisical. So projects can't
get moving even after six months. This shows that the stage ability
reflects the official's ability to a certain degree. Is putting on a
show supposed to be a core technique for officials?

Let us next look at shaking hands and
making toasts. I would rather shake hands with the laboring masses
who sweep the streets and pull the carts instead of officials. The
former makes you feel their sincerity, while the latter is obviously
putting on a show. The laboring masses' hands are warm and powerful
and you can feel their heartbeats when you shake them. The
officials' hands are cold and weak and you knew that you are in close
contact with a mummy when you shake the hands. Of course, I think
the hands of Comrade Jiabao and Comrade Jintao would have the warmth and
strength of the working people, but do you expect the ordinary little
crawling political worm to shake your hands with a sincere heart?
These idiots are minor officials but they have more haughty manners than
Bush Junior. When he shakes your hand, he only touches you with
three fingers. Hmmm. You should not be surprised, for I have
seen this often enough. As for toasting, it is also like this.
When a minor official offers a toast, he is usually holding a small half
cup of liquid that appears to be wine. In front of a table of a
group of foot soldiers who worked hard, he says, "Comrades, you
worked hard. Bottoms up!" He makes the action of drinking
the whole cup of wine and the soldiers all do the same. The smart
ones also pretend as well. I am like that because I know that
whether I want to drink the whole cup depends on my health and not whether
I appreciate the sentiments or not -- when an official puts on a show, it
has basically nothing to do with sentiments!

And then there are laying the foundation
and cutting the ribbon. These are the favorite shows of the
political animals. Why? First, they are easy to do. The
foundation stone is ready, with sand on the side. Amidst the warm
applause, the show star uses the iron shovel two to three times to move
sand into the pit and it is done with after the rustling sounds. As
for the ribbon cutting, a row of orderly and smiling warlords squeeze
their hands and the red ribbons fall down amidst the applause.
Second, after the ceremonies, the red envelopes change hands. The
red envelopes can be big or small, but it will not be less than 200
RMB. It is easy and practical, so why not? But in order to
participate in this show, it is necessary to organize and coordinate the
leaders, sister units and media to take part. This expends a lot of
social resources. The various arrangements require a lot of thought
and the various expenses are shocking. His grandma! They keep
saying that they don't have money to assist the poor or pay the teachers,
but isn't this money?

20. Evaluation

Evaluation is the assessment of job
performance. The organizational evaluation is the most
hilarious. Since this is an evaluation, there has to be a
standard. The important thing is that the organizational evaluation
has no standards. Of course, there is an evaluation program and it
specifies that the content of the evaluation is about virtue, ability,
diligence and achievements. But what is virtue? What is
ability? What is diligence? What are achievements? This
is too vague.

The evaluation is conducted this
way. Step one is self-evaluation. On the basis of virtue,
ability, diligence and achievements, you give an assessment of your own
work during the past year. Basically, you are talking about
yourself and it is meaningless. Step two is mutual evaluation, based
upon excellence, competence, basic competence or incompetence for each
colleague. Unless you have seriously offended a colleague, they will
all give you a "competence rating." If you are really
well-liked, you will get a few excellent votes. It is unlikely that
you will get all excellent votes. Step three is about small circle
voting, announcing and tallying under the control of the leader. Of
course, this may be done openly at some units. It depends on how the
leader manages it. This step is the most mysterious one. Step
four is the leader decide who gets the limited number of excellent
ratings. This is the key step. What is the point of the voting
in step three? To offer some ideas to the leader. Whoever the
leader says is excellent will be excellent, and this is centralization
built upon the foundation of democracy. As the saying goes, "If
you are said to be good, then you are good even though you are bad; if you
are said to be bad, then you are bad even though you are good."

The more you do, the more mistakes you
make. It has always been like this. If you don't do anything,
you won't make any mistakes and you won't offend any colleagues.
Therefore, we can see that the results of the evaluation is that people
who work hard get fewer excellent votes and nice people who do nothing can
get excellent votes by being friendly. The most common opinion of
organization cadres about evaluations: it is meaningless.

21. Women in politics

A woman can be a minor public servant in
the organization, but she better not want to enter politics, especially if
she is a pretty woman. The essence of politics is to get close to
the leaders so that they can remember you, mention you and elevate
you. When a woman gets close to the leader, what does that
mean? When a woman is pretty, even if she does not get near the
leader, everybody already thinks you-know-what. If she gets close to
the leader, she would be drowned by the saliva. Even if she gets
promoted, her reputation would be ruined. I have already seen two
excellent women who were drowned to "death" because they entered
politics and got too close to the leader. One of them used to be an
excellent middle-school teacher, who has exceptional qualities and
business management skills. Her husband was also a senior teacher
and her child was in a good school. Everything was going
great. When Number One arrived, he liked her and transferred her to
become the county committee office director and this woman kept rising
through the support of Number One. She is now the chairman of the
Political Consultative Committee. But her husband has left her
because he could not stand the gossiping and her son does not understand
her. So the family is torn asunder. She lives now in the
shadow of finger pointing and has lost her happiness. The other one
was even worse to talk about. She was talented, she had the looks
and she was young. When Number One saw the file, he exclaimed,
"What a talent! What a talent!" and immediately
transferred her from the school to his side. So she is now a minor
official. But so what? Whenever her name is mentioned, the
locals know and they shake their heads.

22. Transformation

Power can transform people. Previously,
I mentioned Ms. Sun who was promoted by the boss to become the county
committee office director. She used to be kind-hearted and
gentle. As soon as she became an official, she lost her original
personality of a refined and model teacher. She became an arrogant
and ruthless person who puts on a lot of airs. I once accompanied
the unit deputy director to her office to hand in material and make a
report. When we walked in, she spoke out of her nose, "What's
the matter?" She did not shake hands, she did ask us to sit and
we could not possibly expect an offer of water. While deputy
director Wang was making his report, I was ill at ease and I ended up
looking at the ceiling. One time, Director Sun went down to a
village for an investigation. During the trip, it began to
rain. When the vehicle arrived at the town government building, all
the town government officials came out to greet her. A female office
worker opened the car door for Ms. Sun and held up an umbrella for the
lady. But Ms. Sun got out of the car, ignored the umbrella-holder
and started to walk quickly ahead. The female office worker said,
"Director Sun, let me hold the umbrella for you!" She
followed quickly, but Ms. Sun lost her patience and said, "Who wants
you to hold an umbrella?" She gave the female officer worker a
shove, and the latter was so surprised and embarrassed that she fell on
the ground and began crying from the insult and shock. But that was
nothing. A strange incident occurred and enhanced people's
impression of the arrogant nature of Ms. Sun. One time, the traffic
police department began a crackdown on illegal parking with good effect in
terms of clearing out the roads. One day, traffic police officer
Huang was on duty. Huang was afraid of nobody and he was unfortunate
enough to find a small vehicle illegally parked on the side of a major
street. As he walked up to do his job, another officer told that
this was the car of county director Sun. Comrade Huang said,
"Who cares? We are taking it into custody." So the
car was towed away. But this was offending an important
person! When Ms. Sun learned what had happened, she raged and
ordered the traffic police department to bring the car back. That
was easy to do, and the traffic department apologized and returned the
car. But Ms. Sun issued an absurd order to demand that traffic
officer Huang must be transferred out of the department -- the whole world
knows that the traffic police department is a good department, so the
request was put aside. Ms. Sun got angrier and did everything within
her power to apply pressure until Comrade Huang was finally transferred
away. This incident created a bad impression among the people, and
the cadres received a lesson about which is most potent: power or law.

23. Inspection tours

There are two types of inspections that
are worth mentioning: one is cadre inspection and the other is work
inspection.

Let us talk about cadre inspection
first. This is done by the organizational department. On the
surface, this means understanding the work of the party cadres and then
reflecting the actual conditions to the leader so that the leaders can
select the best cadres. Actually, this is bullshit. The leader
never has to go through the organizational department to select
people. When he wants someone, he has already fixed it at the
mahjong table or in a dark room. So why is it necessary to conduct
cadre inspection? It is impossible not to do so, because when a
leader wants to use a cadre, he must go through the path of organizational
decision to show that the goal of the organization is being
realized. This is commonly known as putting on a show. For
example, a man named Li may follow the Party closely and keep the local
Number One very happy. So Number One observes the hard work done by
Li and looks at him with great expectations, "A comrade like you
should move along to undergo a greater test." So the organizational
department receives the message and proceeds to Li's department for cadre
inspection. In form, everyone is invited to speak to the workers
from the organizational department about the work situations of the cadres
at the unit. They even ask for recommendations on any good
comrades. They will take serious notes and they will look especially
sincere as if the organizations really trusts you! The organization
even consults you about these matters. Then, they go and see the
unit leader to exchange ideas behind closed doors in secrecy. The
things about cadre inspection is that this is usually very
mysterious. When the inspection is done, it is done just like
that. Most of the ordinary cadres have no idea what is
happening. Later, they get the roadside news that Li is about to be
honorably transferred or promoted. Then the roadside news is
confirmed by a document. Only then will the people understand why
the inspecting comrade asked the strange question: How is Li's
performance?

The second type of inspection is work
inspection. That means going outside to learn from prior
experience. This type of inspection is usually for a good
reason. For example, the local industry is not doing well and the
leader in charge of industry will go to inspect the work at the more
developed areas. If the local education is not doing well, the
leader in charge of education will go to inspect the work at areas with
strong education development. There are inspections in which people
are really going out to learn from prior experience, but many of the
inspections are "hanging out a goat's head to sell dog
meat." It may be an inspection but it is really a leisure
tour. When the former local Number Two (administrative head) came
back from an inspection tour, his expense report was funny. There
was a white paper receipt for compensation for running over a water
buffalo. Actually, it was for hiring prostitutes. In recent
years, the financial matters are more standardized and there are fewer
instances of using white paper receipts. But the reporting of wasted
money during outside trips has also become more advanced with time.
They now use receipts from regular companies with names and
addresses. Each department has its own reasons for making inspection
tours. Some are mainly for learning and secondarily for
leisure. Some are mainly for leisure and secondarily for
learning. Some are leisure inside and learning outside. There
are different kinds of situations, but the common thing is that they go
where the scenery is good. The Finance Department is responsible for
checking the financial matters and so they must be aware of these things,
but they keep their eyes shut. Of course, they are also department
that has the most number of such learning programs.

24. Reporting expenses

There are many ways to report
expenses. One way is to do it honestly, when you report whatever you
spend without one extra cent in the invoice. Honest people do honest
things, and that is what a minor public servant does. The second way
is to inflate the numbers in the expense report. That activity took
place, but the amount spent was inflated. This sort of thing happens
not just within the organization, but also everywhere in China. A
certain office director arranged for the typing and copying of documents
to be done at a certain place. After a year, there was more than
100,000 RMB in expenditure but about 30% to 40% was padded. This is
the professional rule of conduct, because the shop's boss will kick back
the money. The third way is to report the same expense on multiple
occasions. A certain town mayor told me this true event. One
subordinate of his bought an office supply item and periodically files an
expense report for a total of four times. The town mayor was quite
patient and he just signed the report with a smile. On the fifth
time, the mayor could no longer hold back and he said with a smile:
"So-and-so, can you please try to come up with something new?
This is the fifth time already." The subordinate was laughing
drily in embarrassment. The fourth way is to fake an expense
activity altogether. The previous example of "running over a
water buffalo" is a classical example. Fuck, this reason is too
far-stretched and feeble, and good for a laugh. When the leader
spends that kind of money, he is not going to file a report himself.
It is usually the driver, who is smart to call the leader of a certain
department to say, "This is an invoice from our boss. Can you
take care of it?" The department leader understands, closes his
eyes, and signs to approve. Then he finds a trusted aide as the
person responsible and someone else as the witness. Okay, the
invoice is now worth money.

25. Auditing

The central government auditing has some
use and Li Jinhua is famous. When he makes a speech, everybody is afraid.
Actually, this is not because of Li Jinhua but because of Premier Wen
Jiabao. But when it comes to the local level, the auditing is
fucking useless. After all, the auditing department is another
government office and they must eat from the same government pot. If
they keep opening up the lids, then they don't want to eat
themselves? All the problems of the departments are ultimately the
problems of the government. When a certain department is audited,
the local Number One has to assess whether there is real damage. It
is one thing to reveal a small scar and rap a department head, but which
department can really withstand a genuine audit? For example, the
labor protection department, social security, medical insurance and other
financial resources are bound to contain problems that the auditing
department will find. Which capital item in agriculture, forestry,
education, transportation, planning, urban construction and poor
assistance can withstand a rigorous audit? How can the auditing
department people give other departments of the same level a hard
time? Unless the local Number One supports the audit, how can it
conducted smoothly? Unless the local Number One is out of his mind,
why would he expose his own failures? Therefore, the various
departments are somewhat afraid of the auditing department, but they are
not scared to death. So they will treat the auditors like gods; but
if there is a real problem, they will ask the leader to come out and turn
big things into small things and small things into nothing. So there
goes the "model reform." Of course, when there is a real
big problem that affects the next level up and the media have exposed it,
then things cannot be halted. You are just unlucky. When the
higher-level auditing department takes over, then it is not longer up to
you.

26. Checks and balance

The departmentalization of political
power is a unique Chinese characteristic. Ordinarily speaking, the
power of the government was given by the people and then the power of the
departments was entrusted to them by the government. Thus, the power
of the departments was given by the people, and they should serve the
people. But which department ever thought and did that? No
one. The Financial Department is in charge of managing finances and
they think that the money is theirs, especially the division heads who
think that the money is theirs personally: "If you are good to me,
I'll give you more; if you are not good to me, I'll give you
less." They can do anything that they want. But they have
not thought that the use of this power should have been done from the
viewpoint of helping the masses manage the money. Instead, it is
based upon a filthy notion of "the right not to spend" and
"void if unused by date of expiration." If they block it,
they will block it; if they can stop it, they will stop it. At the
same time, the education department believes that the schools are theirs
and therefore they set the passing mark very high. If you cannot
make it, you pay up at 200 RMB per point. Whether or not you want to
study is your choice. The tax department has also personalized the
power to collect taxes. If you get along with someone, you make them
pay less; actually, it does not matter even if they pay nothing. If
you don't know them, then it better not be one cent less. The amount
that you collect will depend on the exact situation. As for the
warlords at planning, transportation, agriculture, urban construction and
municipal administration, they all follow the policy of departmentalizing
the power of the administration and the privatization of the departmental
powers.

Under these circumstances, one can see an
interesting phenomenon of checks and balances. The organizational
department manages people, they evaluate the cadres, they control the
comings and goings of all the cadres and so their power is quite
strong. Therefore, the finance department never withholds money to
the organizational department. All they have to do is submit a
report and it will be granted. The organizational department are
also polite towards the cadres in the financial department because they
are brothers. The schools may be tough, but they would not dare
offend the people in the financial and taxation departments or else they
can expect trouble. Three years ago, a county middle-school
principal thought that he was tough stuff and ignored the fact that a
division head in the financial department wanted his son to get a better
seat. At the end of the year, when the school financial people went
on business to the financial department, they found that the money that
was due to them was blocked. Also, there are all sorts of gray
income at the divisions of the financial department. If there were a
real audit, or if the procuratorate were to poke around, there was bound
to be problems. So why is it that this type of thing has never
happened? You have your power and I have got my power. Let us
play checks and balances. Hmmmm.

27. Visits

Each Chinese New Year, it is necessary to
do the rounds visiting people. The organizational department goes to
visit those cadres and workers who are hospitalized or in hardship.
The county deputy secretary in charge of organizational administration,
the county deputy secretary in charge of personnel, the organizational
department director, the personnel department director and the office
workers enter the hospital and shake hands with the hospitalized cadres at
their sick beds. They issue red envelops containing 50 to 100 RMB
and ask about their health. Anyway, this is all for show as if all
this is real. After the visit, the leaders would receive red
envelopes from the sponsoring department, but these envelopes are
different from those envelopes because they contain at least 400
RMB. As for the source of the money, all of that goes onto the bills
of the hospitalized cadres. Apart from the organizational personnel
department, the civil administration, the health department and the
education department each have their own visits that operate on the same
basis.

Apart from these types of visits, there
are also visits involving visiting relatives. This involves visiting
a similar department in a sister county or city in order to "enhance
relationships." It is actually an opportunity for a group of
people to go to eat and drink, they stay for the night, they sing and
dance, they get feet massages, and they have any number of other fun
things. They exchange special local products, everybody gets
something and everybody is happy. This is public funding anyway, so
it is your fault if you don't spend it. You spend all the unit's
money and then next year you can cry poverty to the finance department and
ask the price control bureau for new fee charging policies.

28. Subsidies

The little crawling political worm does
not earn high wages, especially the little crawling worms at the bottom
rung who make minute wages. To tell the truth, when I finally left
this team, I was making just over 600 RMB per month. The local
Number One did not make much, just over 1,000 RMB which is the level for a
Shenzhen worker. There is nothing to be acclaimed in the low wages,
so why do so many people still want to join? The reasons are
basically these: First, this is nevertheless a public servant position,
which has stability and respect. Two, even a little crawling worm
can get things done easier than a regular citizen. Three, if you
make it to a middle crawling worm or a big crawling worm, your political
future is unlimited. People will automatically offer you RMB, Hong
Kong dollars and American dollars. You get food and drink, you look
down on people, you snort at people and you can take personal
revenge. Isn't that great? Four, gray income, of which there
are so many kinds. Fifth, other reasons.

Speaking of gray income, I should talk
about subsidies first. If the wages are too low, it does not
matter. You can get subsidies. If the unit leader has the courage,
you can get a bonus on any festivity that has a name (such as March 8th
Women's Day, for both men and women). For anything trivial, such as
not doing working during the day and then working overtime at night, you
can get something. Everybody gets subsidies for going to the
countryside, regardless of whether you actually went there. Special
subsidies are given when policies are implemented. When a leadership
group is formed, everybody from the group leader, the deputy leader down
to the members receive subsidies. It is no big deal to give out
subsidies, but the key is not to omit the name of the leader or else he
will be very angry and there can be serious consequences because nobody
will accept the responsibility! Of course, you must have good
relationships with the people in the god-like disciplinary, finance and
auditing departments. If possible, you try your best to put the
names of the leadership group and its members alongside the people of
these departments and then you issue the subsidies. The usual rule
is that as long as the accounts are kept correctly and the leaders take
part, it would make no difference if the auditors complain. Is he
going to make the leader look bad? Subsidies cannot be issued
randomly, because there are restrictions under all sorts of rules and
regulations. But you can ignore the rules and regulations as long as
you grasp the key points and then you can issue whatever you like.
Of course, if there are problems such as unharmonious relationships with
the finance department or if you don't want to share the joy with the
leaders, then you better not issue them without cause because you will get
into trouble sooner or later.

Here is an actual example. On a
certain day, I took a briefcase stuffed with RMB and a subsidy form to
visit a sister unit. My task was to swap the RMB for signatures of
the people on the list. The reason for the subsidies was that
several departments collaborated on a project and we all lost a few pounds
in weight for working so hard during the process. That was why it
was necessary to issue some nutritional fees as compensation. The
county leader was especially great in making decisions and plans, and so
he must get a subsidy. So I went into the office of the leader of
this sister unit. This leader is my teacher's friend and he asked me
to sit down. I closed the door and I smiled and said: "Leader,
you worked hard! Here is a small sum for which I need an inked
signature from you. Please accept this with a smile." The
leader smiled, signed and accepted the money. "Thanks! I
have taken care of the matter of your cousin. There should not be
any problems." I put out my hand and shook his to say
thanks. I said that my cousin will treat him the next time, for its
was about time that the bookworm got to meet the leader. We said
goodbye. Afterwards, I went to the office of the deputy leader of
that sister unit. In the same manner, I exchanged the money for a
signature. Afterwards, the guy picked up the booklet and then said
something that was utterly shameless: "Hey, you worked hard by coming
here in person to distribute the subsidies! But I just have this
feeling that there was one payment missing. Can you check it for me,
okay?" A sense of disgust rushed up from inside me. Son
of a bitch! He did not do anything but he remembered the
subsidies! I promised that I would go back and check. When I
stepped out of the office, I saw the county administrator secretary Qian
and I wanted to issue a subsidy to him as well. So I asked him to
step aside, made sure that there was nobody else around and I told him
that I wanted to give him a little something, not from me but from the
unit. When Qian heard that, he immediately reacted, "I don't
want it, I don't want it" and then he left without hesitation.
At the time, I was touched for a few moments. Later, our unit leader
took the subsidy over himself and Qian acted polite at first but then
accepted it. His grandma! He put on a show for this young
person that he did not want the subsidy. If he really did not want
it, he should not taken it from anyone!

When I arrived at the government office
building, I saw the deputy county mayor in the corridor. I gave him
the letter and this guy said a couple of polite words and then accepted
it, saying with a smile: "But there is no next time, no next
time!" Hmm, it is a rare leader who doesn't put on an act!

29. Petitioning

Petitioning is a unique scenic line in
china. These days, the people petition more and more frequently in
larger and larger scale. They are causing headaches for the targeted
officials. Why are the people so earnest about petitioning? In
theory, the more educated people become, the stronger there is a sense of
law and so they would go to the courts to defend their own
interests. So why don't they? Yours truly have thought about
this problem for some time and my conclusion is as follows: in recent
years, the people feel stronger about defending their rights and they do
that for many things. But they discover that the most effective
method is not to go to court but to the organization. The courts are
useless. A verdict may not be implemented and so the court fees are
better spent on drinking liquor and then we can go to the
organization. The organization is our true friend! The people
all know about the politics. They don't go to the government, but
they go directly to the party committee; they don't go to the deputy, they
go to the top guy; they don't go to the mayor, they go to the party
secretary; they only care that they don't have enough numbers or make
enough noise. The IQ of the masses is really high! They know
that kids who cry get milk while the kids who keep quiet get to stand on
the side. They know that loud quarrels give big solutions, small
quarrels give small solutions and no quarrels give no solution.
Unless it is turned into something big, the problem will not be
solved. The reason is simple: the eyes of the little crawling
political worms look upwards and not downwards. When the leader's
office does not have air conditioning, this is big deal and a smart
subordinate would bring out a proposal to quickly solve the problem.
The comfort of the leader is my comfort! When the people live in dilapidated
houses, that is a minor problem. They have always lived that way
without any problems, so what the fuck is this to me? My monthly
wages appear on time from the Finance Department, so why should I care
about so many things? It is easier to have one less worry than one
more worry. This is called systematic open-eyed blindness.

Therefore, when the people petition, they
are actually coming to heal a disease. Who is being treated?
The many little crawling political warms who are blind with eyes
open. The people go to the party committee instead of the courts
because unless the eyes of the party committee are healed, the eyes of the
courts definitely cannot get better. The party leads everyone!

One day, I went passed the county
committee office. There were many people amassed in the courtyard as
if this was a marketplace. I knew for sure that the eye doctors have
gathered together to offer services for the party committee leaders.
Number One was always so sharp, and he has heard the news and gone into
hiding. Number Two and Number Three were not vegetarians either, and
they knew to avoid the present mess (in officialese, this is called cold management).
When the doctors cannot find the principals, they started yelling and
surrounded the office compound as they awaited business to show up.
This is known as: guarding the tree to wait for the rabbit to show
up. After half a day, business finally appeared in the form of a
dumb deputy secretary named Jin. The man had just returned from the
countryside and he did not hear the news. As soon as his car arrived
at the county committee office, he was surrounded by the doctors.
They opened the car door and dragged secretary Jin out. One big guy dragged
his tie and then loudly read out the medical diagnosis report that they
brought along. The doctors added their voice as the chants grew
louder. Secretary Jin was turning pale and sweating. All his
normal majesty vanished and words tumbled out of his mouth in an
incoherent fashion, as if to say: "Calm down! Calm down!
Let's talk! Let's talk!" I was very pleased inside.
Fuck his grandmother, this dog Jin was cold in manners to people and used
the public office for private gain. He deserved to be treated like
this today. Dear doctors, please work hard to heal this idiot's
disease!

30. Talking Back

You must listen to what the leader say,
but you shouldn't listen to everything. If you have to talk back,
you must talk back. Why? Because our excellent Chinese
tradition requires us to pick the soft peaches to squeeze. If you
are a nice "yes" man all the time, the leader will only come to
you with the problems that drive your crazy. If there is something
nice, those smart alecks would have learned about it first and gotten the
assignment before you. For example, honest people who work
hard all the time will not be considered for travel assignments -- you
have great responsibilities and we cannot do without you for even one
single day! We will consider you when there is time, but the problem
is when will there ever be time and when will the work ever be done?
That is a joke.

The good thing about talking back is: You
let the leader value you. First, he knows that you usually don't say
anything not because you have nothing to say but because you have good
self-restraint; second, you let the colleagues know that you are not
easy to bully because you even dare to talk back to the leader; third, you
don't lose any respect by fighting for the right interests.

The things to notice when you talk back:
the viewpoints must be clear and unambiguous; the voice must not be
raised; there must be logic and facts; everything must be appropriately
positioned.

The typical phrases used when you talk
back: (1) Dear leader, may I say a few words? (fight for your right of
speech). (2) My personal view is that this is not very fair to me.
("hiding a needle in the bale of cotton") (3) It does not matter
if I am disadvantaged personally, but this is not good for work, unity or
morale in the long run. (noting the big picture). (4) I am a straightforward
person who says what I want to say. I accept any
criticisms for anything inappropriate in what I just said. (not committing
oneself in full). (5) I have said what I have to say. The
leader will decide whether to accept this or not. I express my
personal opinion and I accept the decision of the organization. (I
want to say this because I am afraid that I would be disadvantaged if I
didn't). (6) I am emotionally distraught these days, so I want
to take a rest ...

31. Talking back (continued)

This was in the autumn of some year when
we developed training with a sister unit. This sister unit has an
old lady who was serious and demanding with respect to her work.
She had a bad temper and she controlled her workers tightly. A
friend at that unit told me that they didn't dare to leave one minute
earlier at work. While that was normal, she also had the tendency
(possibly due to menopausal problems) of assigning work ten minutes before
people were supposed to get off work. Since she worked hard and would
not leave even after hours, her subordinates were usually forced to
work extra hours even during lunch breaks and they dared not
complain. On the first day of training, this old lady started
working the little guys hard again. I was one of the little
guys. When I saw that it was time to get off work, I got up and told
the others, "Are you leaving? I am leaving now!" But
the menopausal old lady said, "Hey, how can you leave? I
haven't left yet, so how dare you leave?" She raised her
eyebrows and yelled, "So-and-so, you stand still! The job is
not finished yet, so you can't leave! How can your unit be so
undisciplined?" When I heard that, I raised my voice into a
roar: "I am not working. What are you going to do about
it? Past these eight hours, how can you control me?
Sick!" I turned and I left without looking back.

The result of my talking back: Every time
that she saw me, she was polite; she reflected what happened to our
leaders, and my colleagues were astonished with admiration.