Sunday, March 9, 2014

Hooting at the Huppa תרועות ליד החופה: וֶטוֹ

Overall, I prefer Israeli (Jewish) weddings to American Jewish
ones, mainly because of the relaxed informality. However, there’s one practice
that crosses the line from casual to inappropriate: the widespread practice of
whooping as the groom -- and increasing in volume with the bride -- walk to the
chuppa.

In discussing it with my kids, one of them brought up its
origins in Middle Eastern cultures where the women ululate, thus according to
said daughter, labeling me “racist”. Truthfully, I hadn’t even made this
connection; although I believe she’s correct about the origins of the practice,
I humbly disagree with her conclusion. She blames my bias on my having grown up in the US, where brides (and grooms, and endless maids
and groomsmen) proceed down the aisle in silence except for any music being
played; and where to cheer or applaud would be considered wildly out of place.

In that sense I agree. However, while in the wider sense, it’s
indeed a cultural bias, disliking it doesn’t make me racist, or even bigoted; it
simply means I’m biased in favor of my own cultural (non)practices, which I
believe is OK. In my perception, ululating, like strapless bridal gowns, hints
at the act that will supposedly be taking place post-nuptials, which to me
places it in the realm of prepubescent bathroom humor, or frat boy humor, neither
of which has any place surrounding the solemn ritual of kiddushin [holy matrimony].

To me the whooping says: Here we are, dressed in our best, gathered
to witness this couple’s union -- and suddenly, voila! It’s a sports bar! Or a
soccer stadium! Or a construction site! Woot! No, just no. Call me
uptight -- even pearl-clutching -- but I find it objectionable.

But besides my personal bias, which is admittedly
subjective, what about the objective fact that at many a wedding, the couple
has asked one of the guests to play and / or sing a particular song as they’re
led to the chuppa? Your friend(s) or family member(s) have graciously obliged,
presumably rehearsing so it sounds lovely, right? They begin their piece,
everyone’s in the moment…here comes the groom…and suddenly we’re at a rock
concert or a World Cup game.

Certainly not every foreign practice is worth importing. For
instance, I dearly hope we never import the arrangement wherein the couple
stands with their backs to the guests, so -- yea! -- I got all dressed up to
see…the rabbi’s face! Immigrants, feel free to check that practice at the door.
But whooping as the bride and groom walk to the chuppa is a practice to wish I’d
dearly love to say שלום ולא להתראות good riddance!

2 comments:

Wow, Yam. I've been thinking about this a LOT lately, especially since we started watching Jimmy Fallon. The audience's behavior is, excuse the bigotry, low-class. It's coarse and peasant-y and rude . . . and vulgar and tasteless, crass, uncouth, showing a total lack of culture, unrefined to the deepest depths, and certainly lacking in sophistication. Whooping and shrei-ing and putting two fingers in your mouth to whistle ear-piercingly have no place at a wedding. A wedding is not a NASCAR race. What has happened to expressing celebratory appreciation in a tasteful way? You can quietly and in a dignified manner give the bride and groom a sincere and joyous mazel tov at the reception. No yelling, please.

Nina171 says:

When I got married, I didn’t even consider changing my name. My traditional father said, "I can't believe he's allowing you to do that." I said, "I would never marry someone who would think he had a say in the matter."