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(disclaimer: the thoughts, ideas, comments, pictures, recipes, and grocery lists contained herein may not be reflective of the opinions, beliefs, eating habits, dreams, or shoe sizes of the blog creator. please direct all questions, rants, raves, and/or proof of your stupidity to the talking walnut.)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

life lesson #1

i am having the worst bout of insomnia that has ever existed in all of mankind. it's 5:30AM, and i haven't slept a wink. i finally just said a big ol' "fuck it" and got up to blog. (my neighbors must think i'm a total freak because i'm always up in the middle of the night, and i come and go at odd hours. but they're the ones with the cat food problem. i'll save that story for another time.) so i've decided to start a series of posts on a few life lessons that i've learned:

when i was a wee lass still living at home, i had this Boyfriend. we were pretty serious (for a couple of kids.) but i still hung out with my own friends a lot while he worked or whatever. one day, i'm hanging out with my Friend-o. he's driving, and we go pick up this Creepy Dude i'd never met before in my life. turns out Friend-o needs something from the store so he leaves me and Creepy Dude in the car while he goes inside. now, Creepy Dude and i have some natural chemistry, but he's a total skeez. i know he'll be a lifer in prison before i graduate from high school. i can tell. plus, i have a boyfriend, and i'm very faithful. anyway, me and Creepy Dude just talk and laugh until Friend-o comes back to the car.

sometime after this innocent little outing, i'm talking to Boyfriend on the phone when my other line rings. it's Friend-o. here's our conversation:

"you and Creepy Dude made out?!"

"we did not!"

"he said you guys did. when i was in the store. he said you guys made out."

"what an asshole! if i ever see him again, i'm going to kick him in the nuts! we didn't do shit."

"i can't believe you made out with him!"

"i didn't! fuck you! i swear."

okay, so that's about how it went for a few minutes. then i clicked back over to Boyfriend who immediately says, in a weird monotone voice, "who's this guy you made out with?"

wtf?!?! i am Bambi about to get smooshed. i try to play innocent, but he tells me he heard the whole conversation. after a few minutes of persuasion, i think he believes me, but this incident brings me to life lesson #1. never trust call waiting.