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Thursday, November 17, 2005

Bits O Quick

How long is she gonna be around And how long do we have to watch her dumb it down Cause when its cheap it fades fast And how long does she think its gonna last?

-It hasn’t been announced yet but team Frank M. (my fantasy football team) has turned things around a bit. Frank has gone 4-1 in the last five weeks and now I have the respectable record of 4-6 which looks a hell of a lot better than 0-5 and shit loads better than 0-8-1 or is it now 0-9-1?(bwahahahahaha)

-It was even more special this last weekend when I destroyed Raymond’s team, The Cosbys, with a 4th quarter field goal by David Akers. Raymond’s team was tied for first coming into the weekend and me coming from the dumps, it was very exciting! It was hard not to act like a complete jackass, so I didn’t even try to repress such actions.

-Speaking of respectable records, the Vikings are 4-5. ?????? How the hell did that happen?

-Wednesday is chicken day at the local grocery store and I’m a regular for their exquisite chicken. I noticed the flyers by the counter advertising their Thanksgiving dinner offer. Turkey, Cranberry Sauce, Mashed Po’s, gravy…..pumpkin pie, and apple pie for $85. The dinner searves 8-10 but I figured that if my family really pissed me off for some weird reason, this would be a fantastic plan B.

I would take some plastic and spread it around my apartment, get a mega huge TV tray (actually I would take a card table from home or work and use that as my giganto tv tray) and then I would go to town on all that. Actually, I would probably tell them to pitch out a couple things and just give me more poto’s (’potos’ what a great nickname for potatoes) and gravy because that’s what usually work on every thanks giving.

Dreams: just make (preferably buy) a crap load of mashed potatoes and throw them all in the “clean” bathtub. Dump some gravy over that shit and before doing so, make sure you use the bathtub stopper so no precious gravy goes down the drain.

THEN, anything you eat could be dipped in your bathtub full of mashed potatoes and gravy. Also, if you would have guests that night, imagine the pleasant surprise as they use the bathroom to find a bathtub full of mashed potatoes and gravy? I know I would be excited!

-Pumpkin pie and Apple pie are two GREAT pies. I think a half pumpkin, half apple pie would just kick ass at Thanksgiving. OOOOOOOH can you imagine an apple pie made with those Honeycrisp apples?!? God damn I’m so hungry now.

-We’ve never made green bean casserole at thanksgiving and that’s always a bit of a surpize to others. Not me though, green bean casserole is alright but as far as I’m concerned it takes away from precious gravy time. I mean I like Pringles too but there’s a time and a place.

-Would orange pie be any good?

No…, no it wouldn’t.

-Those little hostess apple pie pockets are a disgrace to apple pie.

-Whatever happened to those tan colored M&M’s? I always kinda liked those because it was such an ugly color for candy and I really admired M&M’s to flick off the candy industry and have a shit tan color.

I was sitting in my apartment watching TV one night when I had a knock at my door. I answered it and it was my neighbor.“What are you doing in my apartment” said the neighbor“The hell are you talking about this is my apartment. See that’s my TV over there.” and when I looked back, my TV was there but half the furniture was missing and replaced by someone else’s.

“What the crap?!?” I blurted out. So I slept on the couch that night and when I woke up (yes, I was dreaming about me sleeping for a period of time and then me waking up) I was all confused, but my TV was still there.