Poop comments

I don't like it at all. They tend to be grubby places, germy and gross. What is that brown liquid, on the floor, coffee or... oh god no. They are not very private. People come in and look at your shoes and they're like "Oh hi Addison, you're taking a huge crap. Tell me all about it." People also judge you on the smell of your excrement. You'll hear people make comments like too much broccoli or this guy eats a lot of pork.

Today however myself and Del Taco brought to my workplace a spectacular poop. If it were a fish, it would a prize catch. I could see bits of red pepper in it. I brought a book and read it while I polluted the air. I hear people groan as they opened the door and caught a whiff. When I was done, I wish they had a scale in the toilet because I swear I took the biggest poop of anyone here today.

The only down side is that I can't tell anyone about it. Must have been 2kg if it was an ounce.

Well, what a relief it must be to be able to tell us about it. Texture is the thing, really, although sheer mass comes a close second. The smell is sort-of a given, considering the subject matter.

Although you young guys wouldn't know it, eating all the crap you probably do, the buoyancy factor is another thing worthwhile mentioning. Do they float? How high do they float? This is important stuff.

You can start a conversation with your workmates by saying:« instead of talking about cultural feces like your soaps, lest talk about natural ones. I bet you didn't know that you could grow vegetables by using your own feces. Well, the carrots I brought you from my house yesterday, they are grown with that technique.»

1. never consume cheap beer or any other junk food type of product2. B12 vitamins3. fiber works4. don't cut in with concrete paint under the gas water heater with the solvent fumes thick in the air, particularly on April Fool's Day, because having a happy poo could end up at the bottom of the concerns list (note to self)

Sometimes, after discharging a large log, my rectum is kind of loose, and when I wipe, my fingers go up my butt a little bit. Is it gay to enjoy this? I kind of need to know because I don't want to suffer eternally when Jesus comes back.

Sometimes, after discharging a large log, my rectum is kind of loose, and when I wipe, my fingers go up my butt a little bit. Is it gay to enjoy this? I kind of need to know because I don't want to suffer eternally when Jesus comes back.

No, Jesus will help you with that. Thanks to the holes in his hands, he's a whiz at fisting.