Tracy Beckerman is Lost in Suburbia and trying to hold onto just a little bit of her former, COOL, pre-mom self!

The Latest Lost in Suburbia Column: The Mom Did it, In the Kitchen, with a Microwave

About this blog

Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 ­ managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites,
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Nationally syndicated columnist and author Tracy Beckerman is \x34Lost in Suburbia\x34 ­ managing the chaos with a healthy dose of humor. Her next book, a \x34momoir,\x34 will be published in spring 2013. She contributes to many online mom sites, including www.todaysmama.com, www.rolemommy.com and www.newjerseymomsblog.com and is an official blogger for Lifetime Television's hit show, \x34The Balancing Act.\x34 She also does stand-up comedy and has appeared at venues including The Comic Strip Live in NYC and The Erma Bombeck Workshop in Dayton, Ohio. Before she became a columnist, Beckerman was a writer and producer in the television industry for 10 years, managing the advertising & promotion department at WCBS-TV New York. Tracy is married to a very understanding guy. They have two children and live in New Jersey where she writes, does battle with woodchucks and avoids, at all costs, driving a minivan.

Usually when one of our appliances dies, we get some kind of warning. When the dishwasher went, it started flooding. When the refrigerator’s time was up, it started slowly getting warmer. And we knew the oven’s days were numbered when it started smoking and I wasn’t even cooking anything.

But there was no sign that our microwave was on its last coil until it simply went kaput.

This is what they call in the industry, just plain SAD (Sudden Appliance Death).

Since it was a relatively new and rather expensive microwave, I was hopeful that maybe we could save it. With hope in my heart, I called our go-to appliance fix it guy, Larry.

Larry: What’s going on?

Me: It’s not cooking anything. Can you come over and fix it?

Larry: No.

Me: Why not?

Larry: In my experience, Microwaves don’t break. They just die.

Me: Can’t you use a defibrillator or something?

Larry: Read it it’s last rites and go get a new microwave.

I stubbornly refused to believe our microwave was dead. I wondered if maybe it was in a coma or had Post-Traumatic Microwave Syndrome from the last time I accidentally tried to cook something in aluminum foil. But eventually I had to admit it was beyond saving, or even reheating, and I called it.

Me: Time of death: 3:39pm

Larry: Can I interest you in a Convection oven?

Me: That’s harsh, Larry. The microwave’s not even cold yet.

Since I had to have dinner on the table in three hours and I don’t ever actually cook anything, I just warm things up, I realized I needed to get a new microwave fast. I headed over to our local appliance store and told them my tale of woe.