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It’s a mad mad mad mad world

In my travels around the Interwebs I come across some strange and wondrous things.

Sometimes I scratch my head in amazement and sometimes I check the date to make sure it's not the start of April.

Take for example an item from our friends in the States.

A six year old boy was suspended from school for using a bow and arrow in a playground. Now you might say there is nothing wrong there, except for one tiny detail – the bow and arrow didn't exist. Yes, it was an imaginary bow and arrow.

Which of us didn't play Cowboys and Indians in our youthful days? Which of us didn't use a stick [usually a hurley] as a rifle to shoot all our pals in play? Which of us didn't shout "bang bang you're dead"? In our halcyon days we spent our time in mock battles, just as puppies, kittens and the young of most species do and it was fun, with a little bit of life's lessons thrown in. It's called fun. It's called play.

But apparently that is not Politically Correct these days.

"These games are not appropriate in a Catholic school or any other school setting. It is not 'fun' and certainly not Catholic to pretend to harm another person."

Sweet suffering Jayzus but what is the world coming to?

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And while I'm on the subject of our Mercan friends, I came across another item that had me wondering if I had somehow dropped into a parallel universe.

Just take a look at this –

Aren't they so alike? Like identical twins that were separated at birth? Isn't it almost impossible to tell them apart?

No?

Well apparently the bimbo on the right thinks they are and wants to sue the toy company. She says the toy wrongfully appropriates her name and persona, harms her professional credibility as a journalist and is an insult. She wants five million dollars in compensation!

Elements of the Harris Faulkner Hamster Doll also bear a physical resemblance to Faulkner’s traditional professional appearance, in particular tone of its complexion, the shape of its eyes, and the design of its eye makeup.

What. The. Fuck?

As was pointed out in court [yes, this actually went to court] "Ms. Faulkner is an adult, African-American, human, female newscaster; the Hamster Toy is an inch-tall, cartoon-like plastic animal, which has no apparent gender or profession, or even clothing that might identify its gender or profession."

All the above involved pointing fingers [which we know are deadly offensive weapons] but my little friend above was showing initiative by introducing the bow and arrow [just as deadly at short range but silent]. He should have been praised!

Someone ought to suspend the school officials and let the lad back into class. Better yet, give the young tad a small bow and a quiver of arrows to match and let him loose on the officials that suspended him. Just for instructional purposes of course, so to show the officials what the difference is between an imaginary bow and arrow as opposed to the real thing.

As far as the bimbo is concerned, some caring soul should fill her undoubtedly fancy car full of these little dolls…just as a gesture of good faith you understand.

If the above makes no sense, please excuse. I'm feeling a bit off today. I think it has something to do with raking moldy leaves?

I have wondered if my father [who died over forty years ago] dropped into the current world, just what he would make of everything that's going on. The human race really is eating itself from the tail up. Insane!

In primary school we made bamboo blow-pipes and shot darts made from pins, with flights made from the inner fibres of felt-tip pens, and threw compasses at each other,which in those days had long metal spikes instead of poofy plastic conical tips. An imaginary bow-and-arrow would have made little difference to the wielder as he was trampled underfoot. All was as it should have been, lessons were learned, alliances forged, you knew where you stood.

As for the woman, she must be colour-blind and deaf; the toy hamster isn't black and doesn't talk shite. Not similar at all.

Blow pipes, bamboo bows and arrows, catapults, mini-darts made from pins, matchsticks and paper flights [they were brilliant]. We were inventive back then. It was all part of the process of growing up. Any anthropologist will tell you that male animals from infancy have mock battles that are rough and tumble but rarely harmful. It's all part of the learning process as the animal learns the techniques for coping with a harsh world.

I've been howling with laughter reading about the doll case. I shouldn't, though, it's beyond belief that this could have been taken seriously and how could any lawyer wanting to retain a shred of self-respect bring himself to defend this certifiable woman?