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I Feel Angry with DT’s Behavior

I FEEL ANGRY

I feel tightness in my upper back and my neck muscles. It feels like a wet towel tightening with electric impulses shooting up and flickering back down off my muscles. Up and down quickly, staccato like with a buzzing sound inside my ears. I notice my arms feel a bulging sensation, especially in the biceps. Energy is flowing out on all sides and a certain heaviness is making its way down my forearms into my hands. I also notice tightness in my jaw muscles and a slight pulsating that goes a bit outward and runs up the side of my face in front of my ears.

Most of my life I haven’t been able to identify my emotions reliably. I certainly didn’t depend on my body intelligence, wonder, and wisdom to feel what truly was going on inside of me. And anger, in particular, was worrisome at best. Not only was I unaware of how to identify my anger, it wasn’t a “safe” emotion for me to feel, let alone express. Those times when I did feel it and express it, it came out like a torrent and truly was unsafe for me, and potentially for others. Today I have learned how to identify my emotions and all of my feelings and welcome them as well. I am still practicing expressing them honestly and directly and having my expressions match my experience of the feelings.

Safety in both Feeling and Expressing emotions

I feel angry about the continued racist, sexist, elitist, misogynistic, selfish behavior of DT. I feel angry that he is reckless and petty and continues to degrade and harm people, especially people who have the least ability to counter his erratic and hurtful actions. Angry that so many people in government and in financial and political power do little to call out his behavior as unacceptable and morally offensive and to hold him accountable for his actions. I feel angry that he uses fear as his chief weapon and attacks anyone and everyone who doesn’t fit his very narrow, irrational view. And angry at myself for not speaking out on a consistent basis to champion those people who have no voice and for the oceans, forests, animals, rocks, and planet who support us all and whose very existence is threatened by greed and fear.

Leading through Conscious Choices

I have a choice today to accept this behavior from DT and from those in power. To accept the daily drama or decide how I can use my own creativity to support and champion the values I believe are worthy and morally right. I have a choice and am 100% responsible for how I act. I can sit back and allow all to unfold, watching the drama play back and forth like a giant soap opera. Or I can engage and consciously choose to act to bring about the vision I have for my world.

My vision is one of living a conscious life, being of service to my fellow man and my planet. Committing to help those less fortunate and assuring all people have common rights that our country was founded on. I grew up believing in the rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And in today’s world, I would add the right to food, clean water, personal safety and available health care. For all people that have a need. All people — regardless of sex, race, color, creed, religion or social status.

I remember the first time I realized our country stood for the pursuit of happiness. What a noble idea and one that made me proud and excited to be an American. Lately, I find people saying this is a crazy world. I agree in some ways but more to the point, this is a crazy country right now, being led by what increasingly looks like a madman. How I respond on a daily basis will ultimately have a great deal in determining what kind of a world and country my granddaughters will live in.

Feelings, Integrity, Results

So how do I foster my vision for a better world on a daily basis? For me, it begins by being in touch with my body wisdom and my emotional literacy. Feeling all my feelings to completion and practicing conscious presence, expressing myself from a place of my own personal power. Ultimately it relies on my personal integrity in knowing who I am all the way to the core. Speaking and acting with personal responsibility and conviction rather than watching others dictate my life through fear.

Daily challenges are something we will all experience. Taking time to present ourselves first and then consciously connect with others, will allow all of us to make better decisions. Decisions out of compassion, love and personal responsibility rather than fear.

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I believe our potential to thrive as a species is dependent on our ability to expand into a more caring and cohesive consciousness. I am dedicated to creating relationships of deeper meaning with myself, others, our oceans and our world. I am committed to integrity, authenticity and connection and I invite you to join me, exploring together how we might create more love and joy for ourselves and our planet.