Today is my 3rd consecutive day of listening to guided word meditation and affirmation recordings of my favorite teacher/mentor/colleagues (who also happen to be female multi-media artists) as I write. This has allowed me to greatly increase my work, hence progress with these calming, life-changing audio recordings.When I awoke this morning, I began setting up my player to begin the first audio, before eagerly and joyfully beginning to write. I felt happy that I'd started my day once again by waking up slowly, gently, and peacefully, giving myself reassuring, loving, peaceful thoughts about myself, my appearance, my present life and circumstances, and the trajectorial essencetories of my life mission. I appreciated my surroundings, and I drank water. Then I thought, "I should pray first." Immediately, I didn't feel comfortable with that. It felt forced and unnatural. I know to have a second look whenever the word "should" pops up in my head. When it's in a sentence about something about me, it means I don't want to do that thing, and it becomes an opportunity for me to get in touch with what I really do want to, and do it. Usually I notice there are guilt and shame there, and I release and heal them. If the word "should" is in a sentence about someone else, it means I'm resisting fully accepting an individual or circumstance, and I take it as an opportunity to remember that all is perfect. If something is happening, that's because it's supposed to happen, until it doesn't happen anymore. I practice radical acceptance of self and others. Now, it just so happens like many healing artists and practitioners, I am highly sensitive. I'm also highly observant and critical. Some of these are very helpful in community organizing, leadership, and prolific creative production. But most are not very helpful in going along with what others are doing if what they are doing isn't assisting or supporting me. I share this, because although I've the tendency already to be hard on and second-guess myself in my interactions with others, I recently had a conflict that I up till now had seen as one in which I was at fault. A Facebook group was formed for members who practiced the same teachings as my primary spiritual discipline. I was very excited about, and had begun having very energetic, and engaged dialogues with other members, who in turn, responded very well to me. Soon, however, I realized I didn't want to just talk. I needed to have a place to post my progress. The group had inspired me to increase my work with the teachings, and create for myself weekly assignments to complete much more and have a much better life ("a life that works" as my teacher/mentor/colleague says, and in all areas, not just art and romance ;-) ). I devised ways for group members to include progress reports in their posts, but my efforts were strongly resisted and thwarted before even reaching the members to whom I'd also asked for feedback. Finally, I decided to create a new group. I've been feeling guilty about my part in the conflict, and just decided not to feel any guilt about stating my point of view. It's also alright that I got so passionate about it, because I needed this tool for my growth, and I'd put in over 3 hours to write and post my ideas for consideration and discussion. The guilt and shame lingered until this morning when I thought I "should" pray first. I used the same gentle, loving tone with myself regarding this subject as I had with my conflict with the other group. I thought, "Listen, you ARE praying. You are relaxing, getting peaceful and centered, and doing something that makes you feel and remember you are very close to Spirit." I realized it was not only enough to use guided meditations as a prayer, but that since prayer (except affirmative prayer) usually involves coming from a place of lack, fear, victimhood, and asking for relief from suffering I was actually being much more effective with guided meditations, because when I listen to or "do" them, I feel peaceful, joyful, abundant, and wholly capable of making positive changes in my life. In releasing guilt and fear in this instance, and in the previous example, I saw and used my own power. I saw that I deserve to seek what I need, to take the time to really get in touch with what I want to do, to be happy. I saw that I could be myself. And it felt good.

----------------end---------

(*Tentatively titled "Diary of a renaissance negresse". This, or another book containing the above article, will soon be available in print format as a chapbook aka "Curious Bookling", as well as digital download ebook.)

Thursday, May 30, 2013

I completely forgot about my song "Wanna Heal"! It's all about recovery from child/sexual abuse and perfect for my upcoming feature at Wired Bean Cafe's (Philadelphia) GET OPEN True Story Open Mic, theme: "Survivor", Sat June 29. For more info, please visit my calendar at www.cassendrexavier.com. And because you're so special, here it is in all its full-length glorialities at my official YouTube channel (where you can hear the others, too)! http://m.youtube.com/watch?hl=en&client=mv-google&gl=US&v=O-Xw04d_Dgk :-) <3 -------------@AmethysteRah@AmritaWaterfalls@BWAFphilly@renaissancenegresse-------------P.S. (Never let it be said!)

[Phat Girlz video description: "Superstar comedienne Mo'Nique is hilarious as a sassy, plus-sized fashion designer who's tired of taking no for an answer in this delightful comedy about living life to the fullest. Jazmin Biltmore (Mo'Nique) has big plans for large ladies -- she's designed a sexy line of clothes for curvaceous women like herself. But when she can't get funding for her designs or meet a man who appreciates her unique physique, Jazmin's patience starts running thin. That is, until she wins an all-expense-paid trip to a resort in Palms Springs, where she just might just meet the man of her dreams."]

I thought of all she's done to make big girls actualize our fabulousness, and decided to watch it instead, deciding to enjoy and use it for manifestation and visualization no matter how bad it may turn out to be :-). I wondered when she made the movie-did she make it before certain dreams came true or after? In the life of the artist, there's often a thin line, or veil between manifesting with our work and wonderful things happening that we then sing about. Then I thought about Streisand's "Mirror Has Two Faces" (Various Amazon formats, including .01 cent VHS at http://tinyurl.com/onxrocz, or free on YouTube at http://tinyurl.com/obl9a7e), an ugly duckling-turned-swan/rags-in-love to riches-in-love story that she suggested in an interview helped manifeste her subsequent very happy and balanced marriage to James Brolin.I then realized this: It doesn't matter much when Phat Girlz was filmed, or which came first with Barbara and Jim, as he's called by their friends, the movie or the love that was brewing in their hearts before they met? (That is, the love for and contentment with their single lives, since they both attest they met shortly after they each made the conscious choice to fully enjoy being single.) In spirit, there is no time. Time doesn't exist except in our choosing to act as if it does. So, here's to good movies, bad movies that are fun, creating our lives with art and through art making our dreams come true.Here's to enjoying our lives and our Selves so much that everything else is as it ought be, simply something extra! :-) <3

Imagination is so underrated! The first step to having a thing is a thought. A thing is a thought. Think a thing into being, with action, of course. Action keeps you on course, but the thought sets it. When I visualize what I want, I am putting it there. In spirit first, as a vapor first to materialize later. With action, of course. Action keeps you on course, but the thought sets it. Imagining what you want, and thinking about it, with the faith it is coming into being, is the first step to manifesting your desires. It is drawing it to you. It is the blueprint, the map, the dream or vision board. It's the turning of the doorknob to the opening you seek and have long dreamed of; it is the first step. What are your thoughts creating today? What are you creating today, with your thoughts?

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Thank you to everyone who came out to see me yesterday at, and enjoy the Lansdowne Farmers Market's (LansdowneFarmersMarket.com) first day of the season, especially Dale, Dorothea, Tracy, and Melissa! I had a great time, bought some dandelion greens (super nutritious diuretic) and cilantro (removes heavy metals from the bloodstream) for my green smoothie, and as usual really enjoyed seeing very happy and involved community members with their quadraped and biped companials! Wanna hear a big surprise I had, that was totally awesome?? Three people, not one, not two, but three who do social work in the health and recovery from abuse and addictions fields networked with me to do presentations at their organizations AND purchased CDs from both my Affirmations for Survivors spoke word guided meditation series plus my music CDs!!!! What??!!! That's awesome, innit?? See what happens when you put your heart and intention out and release the outcome? I sooo wanted to get my guided meditations to crisis and women's therapy centers, as well as individual/private counselors who work with abuse survivors. I just decided to let go of feeling bad that I was so occupied with many other projects and lacking in sufficient funds and humyn resources to create and distribute a polished package of demos plus description and order form to these places. When you do the work, with your whole heart and an intention to serve and assist others, it will succeed! You don't have to know how. Just trust the work will find its audience, and prepare to be pleasantly surprised! At my May 4th performance at Amazulu Loft's "Soul of a Woman" event, I saw a longtime CX fan who is a dancer and also works as a social worker. She told me she and a colleague of hers both use my Affirmations for Survivors CDs with their clients! Booyah! And lastly, I saw a therapist friend I've known for many years in the Philadelphia wimmin's community and gave her one copy each of those CDs, to review and if she chooses to, use with her clients. I am so looking forward to continuing that dialogue, and I think it's interesting that I see her every year I do the Market, the AFS was released in 2007, yet this is the first time I mentioned this idea or gave her the CDs! I also learned more about her work, that she works with other therapists, one of whom has a husband who's a farmer and whom I also had the pleasure to meet! Deud. I met a frikkin' FARMER! How cool is that???! :-) Please enjoy watching me perform a live version of my arrangement of Bruce Springsteen's "Fire", which has now surpassed my arrangement of "The Thrill is Gone" as my most watched music video! (My first 4 most watched videos altogether are my spoken word guided meditations of "Affirmations for Survivors" and my affirmation song "Money Comes to Me". I *"Absolutely Love My Life"! (*That's another affirmation song of mine, heh-heh :-) ) http://m.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&client=mv-google&hl=en&v=0_f4-bd-2g0

Other ways to send hugs:Love letters, perfume, stationery, postal stamps, prayers, positive visualizations, and meditative showers of love and light are also welcomized and appreciatoried with much gumption and aplomb :-)

[I just posted this on the Doreen Virtue Official Fan Page. Part of my work as a multi-media healing artist involves the healing arts (Reiki, massage, etc.) and spirituality (angels, meditation, etc.). I also have presented workshops on angels and guided meditation. Now, let's get to it, shall we? :-)]

Angel Testimony: Always the Peacemakers, by Cassendre Xavier

Greetings, "peaceful community of loving lightworkers focused upon [our] individual and collective light purpose!" I just wanted to share some angelic "success stories," to testify how angels are so interested in and effective at restoring (inner) peace. This is something Doreen talks about a lot in her books, especially in The Lightworker's Way: Awakening Your Spiritual Power to Know and Heal. (Kindle edition only $4.99 at http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B003X4LENC/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?qid=1369409686&sr=8-2&pi=SL75. Also available in print edition for under $3!) 1) I really appreciate and value this forum and had begun seeking more community by clicking on "Recent Posts by Others". I noticed every time I visited, I'd have to go through pages and pages to see other fans of this page, because one particular one posted so often, every ten minutes or so, that hers were the ones I mostly saw. Every page was filled with her posts with maybe one by someone different. It was annoying, not a good use of my time, and I felt, doing a disservice to Doreen's original concept of having us all accessible to one another for connection and mutual support. I sent this individual a brief and respective private message sharing my experience and asking if she could post much less often than every 10 minutes so that we all, the many thousands who are here, can have full access to one another. Otherwise, as I jokingly put it, it becomes the "Doreen and [her first name] show. She replied with a note that explained if it were a problem, Doreen would have said something, and that she knew and had worked with Doreen on many of the issues she posted about. Then she said she would concede with my request, and signed off, "PEACE, Love, and Light!". I went to reply, but found I couldn't as she'd blocked me! Rather than stay with my mixed feelings, I right away went to this page, for an immediate upliftment of my spirit. Angels always know how to help us feel better and in the quickest ways, don't they? They're amazing in that! Nothing restores my peace of mind and helps me feel better about, and handle a situation than calling on the angels, or simply thinking the word: "Angels"! So, guess what happened when I went to this page? Magic! For the very first time, the very first and each one after that was full of many new and friendly faces and names of our angel healing community and forum! I was so happy to see all of this variety, choice, and mere volume. It represented space and possibility to me and I felt so grateful and excited! This was possible because the excessive poster had blocked me! So, again the angels showed me there was nothing to feel resentment or sadness or regret about. As usual, angels opened my eyes to the bigger, more loving picture. They also showed me a better way-a skill or a tool to use for "next time". Should someone start posting more often than I enjoy, I could simply block them! 2) I'm a singer-songwriter (http://cdbaby.com/all/cassendre) performing tomorrow at the Lansdowne Farmer's Market in Pennsylvania (10:30am-12:30pm http://lansdownefarmersmarket.com). A friend who had been confirmed for months to attend just forwarded me a copy of the LFM newsletter with a personal message at the top stating she would be at a different booth than where I was going to sing. I felt hurt and annoyed that she was not going to see me sing, and that she had misspelled my name in her Contacts, so that all the new people she'd CC'd in her email now don't know my real name, which is my brand. I had previously pointed out she was misspelling my name, and that this was important to me, and she hadn't made the changes. Then I saw the LFM newsletter not only also misspelled my name, but they also attached to my misspelled name the wrong website link. Additionally, there was a story posted of how I'd come to play the LFM (this will be my third time), and it was also totally inaccurate! It said I'd been seen by a LFM friend at a venue I'd never played. What?! (This is a lot of detail and a long story, but it ends soon, so thanks for hanging in there! :-) I know now this is showing me that I am not making myself or certain aspects of my life important, and that only I, with the angels' help, can correct or heal that. But at the time I was reading and feeling upset by all this wrong information. I decided, "People can't do anything right." And, "No one thinks I'm important. That's why they don't care how they spell my name, what they say about me, or treat me with professional respect and courtesy. I see now that I'm not being perceived as important. I gotta get important. Ok. Now, how do I get important. I need to get important, really important, and FAST! Soon! Importance!" Then, the angels helped me to think of it better. I heard them tell me in a kind, gentle, very patient, very loving voice, "Oh, so when people are very important, everyone around them becomes perfect?" I realized how silly I was being! Of course it isn't as if being important means no names are ever misspelled, and no mistakes are ever made in which links are used! Time, and time again, the angels, my angels, help me come back down to what really matters: being in peace and operating in as much love as I can in any given moment. And for this moment, I am grateful to know that while I have lost and may have offended one member of this wonderful network, in her self-chosen rejection of me and my authentic and loving self-expression, I have also gained access to thousands more. I am grateful to have a tool to solve a particular problem if it happens again. I am grateful the angels reminded me that love is all that matters. All the misspellings, wrong links, and wrong facts in the world could never block my full expression of love in the world. Thank you, angels, for restoring my peace and reminding me that I can and I do trust the Universe to totally, joyfully, and lovingly support my journey in it! I also thank God, my ancestor/spirit guides, the ascended masters, and you, this "peaceful community of loving lightworkers focused upon [our] individual and collective life purpose"! May you call on the angels to assist you in increasing your inner light, joy, love, and peace, and be blessed further today!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Dear Reader, Thank you for joining me here. I am happy to share my journey and discoveries with you. I know you experience similar things, and it is always nice to know I am never alone!

YOU ARE STRONG AND CAPABLEEveryone is strong somewhere in their lives that is or can be a gift to themselves and others. No matter what you're going through, be it financial struggle, health crises, or relationship issues, you are fully equipped to address them with love, with light, and with having the right kinds of support. Know and remember you are never alone. Somewhere(, someone, or rather, many places, millions of) people are praying YOU, holding YOU in a vision of wholeness and well-being. One of those people is me!

RADICAL EMBRACEMENT (A STEP UP FROM SELF-ACCEPTANCE) OR, HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF COMPLETELY, EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, AND ENJOY LIVING EVERY MOMENT!

In my soon-to-be re-released chapbook/ebook "Be/Coming a Woman/Artist: A Book for Every Black Girl & Every Black Woman Who Has Ever Wanted To Be An Artist", I have a chapter on "Radical Self-Acceptance". Lately, I've discovered and am practicing an advanced form of that. I'm not just noticing my shadow, or things I don't like about myself, and "trying to accept" them. I accept them right away and then apply the effort of embracing them. I'm finding that embracing a thing is the quickest way to healing it, that is, if the thing needs healing at all. Not everything that appears to be a problem is a problem. Sometimes something is an opportunity to learn, to think differently about a situation, to grow, change, improve, or serve others. Other times a thing has been awaiting your love (which is what embracement is) in order to begin the healing process or move along and disappear altogether. I am starting to believe that the things we don't like about ourselves, and that cause us pain or appear to be problems are actually gifts that express themselves as opportunities for us to be loving - to express love, first to God, when we reach out for help, then to ourselves in embracement, then to others when the rewards surface. I have two examples of how embracement helped me recently.Firstly, I was in a challenging relationship with someone for three years off and one. Finally, in the third year, I said to myself, "Look, clearly you love this persun. You always end up back together, and there are many benefits to both of you in this relationship. Why not just accept that you love this persun. Why not relax, embrace, and enjoy where you are right now?" I also knew that embracing where I was with this persun would best allow me to leave the relationship in the best way, with love, if or when that was meant to be. I knew from my experience with and success at my releasement of excess weight, the best way to leave something (or someone) and/or otherwise transform any situation is to do so with love. I am forever grateful I chose embracement for that relationship, because it allowed us to have our best year together before sudden death ended it in physical form.A second example of the benefits of practicing embracement in my life is the weight release I previously mentioned. I wasn't making much progress when I hated my body for how it was and kept wishing for it to be different, holding back and off my love until it "earned" it by losing weight and being more attractive and "together". I didn't make any serious headway in improving my physical self until I accepted her as she was right then. Reading a small lime green book called "Live Large!: Ideas, Affirmations, and Actions for Sane Living in a Larger Body" by Cheri K. Erdman (available for as little as 1 cent at http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0062513451) helped me start to dress prettily and appreciate my body right then. It also helped me start to imagine, for the very first time, doing things I'd always put off "until" I was thinner (like wearing a bathing suit on the beach, without coverings, taking on activities like sports and dancing, travel and adventure). I also learned many processes from an audio course by Sanaya Roman called "Creating Your Ideal Body" (http://www.orindaben.com/catalog/prodno/SI031) that also assisted me in loving my present body enough to create lasting positive changes. Whenever I speak to anyone struggling with body image issues and things they'd like to change or improve about their physical health and/or appearance, I always share how much it helped me the most to begin loving and accepting and using and celebrating my body then, rather then later. I think denying ourselves love "until" is like a small child coming to us for a loving smile and a hug, but instead of quickly giving that free love, we shoo her away, saying "No! Not until you clean your room (or do your homework, or lose weight)!" I am so glad so many people are starting to get it, thanks to personal growth materials and the increasing love and expansion on our planet right now, that: We don't have to do anything to deserve love, even from ourselves. Just the fact that we exist makes us worthy! This is the gift of embracement: it gets us most quickly from fear to love. Embracement expands us and strengthens us to get to the next level so we can support ourselves enough to enjoy life (that's the whole point!) and assist others on their path. Embracement helped me go from feeling bad that I was feeling manic and wanting to post too much too often. In embracement I was able to create a shift in my thinking and behavior in this way:"Why am I having so many thoughts and ideas? This is so annoying! I just posted 8 minutes ago, I can't post again. What's wrong with me? God, I wish I were normal. Maybe I really am bipolar. I don't like to be this way. I don't want to be this way. I want to change! I want to be like everybody else. They don't post every ten minutes. They're normal! I wish I were different. I don't like there's so much wrong with me. I don't like myself. Wait a minute, this feels bad. I don't want to not like myself! I'm fine! I'm perfect. God made me. God made me exactly this way. How can I use this? What is this? It's only energy. What's wrong with my having so many ideas? Isn't that a dream scenario for writers and especially publishers? How can I channel this energy? I know, I'll write a blog post! And I feel good now because I appreciate and see the usefulness of my energy. I am very grateful to have good ideas aplenty. After all, I am a writer. It is a gift I've been given, and not a curse. From now on, whenever I feel many thoughts and ideas coming on, I'll simply add to one of my book manuscripts, post a blog, or write a letter to a friend. But mostly, I'll write books and be grateful that I never suffer writer's block! Recommendation: audio course "Becoming a Writer" by Sanaya Roman (http://www.orindaben.com/catalog/prodno/SI016). I remembered this because the processes in this course added to my already prolific writer's mind. See? Often, something we perceive as a problem is actually a gift!

No matter what you're going through today, it can be best served by seeing it through the lens of love. Add love and light, gratitude and appreciation to every so-called problem in your life. Embracement will help you much more quickly transform it. Thank you for assisting the planet by adding more love and light to it. We are All One, and we appreciate you!

UPCOMING APPEARANCESSaturday, May 25, 2013 - 10:30am-12:30pm - No cover charge!Lansdowne Farmer's MarketLansdowne, PAwww.lansdownefarmersmarket.com I think this will be my 3rd time performing at the LFM. I really enjoy thisevent. It's usually beautiful weather, I enjoy singing to the trees, folks arehappy and friendly, I like the sound system, and it's my annual trip to Todero's Music right next door to buy my annual supply of guitar strings and/or pics!=============================Sunday, June 8, 2013 - No cover charge!Philadelphia Dyke MarchLouis Khan Park11th & Pine Streets Philadelphia, PA 19107I go on around 1:45pm. Details forthcoming!------------------------Saturday, June 29, 2013 - 4:00pm-6:00pm - $5 Suggested DonationGET OPEN: True Story Exchange and Workshop - SURVIVOR. Wired Beans Cafe301 West Chelten Ave (Germantown area)Philadelphia, PA 19144(267) 714-8783Email: KatruOpen(at)gmail.comI've twice participated in this wonderful weekly community event. Previously I shared on the subject of "Miracles". This time, as a featured artist, we will all share on my suggested topic of "Survivor". Here's what host Katonya Mosley posted on GET OPEN's Facebook Fan Page, Saturday May 11, 2013, which had the theme of "Believe":"Believe...We begin with a word. We build community through personal stories. Quincy said this week's word at the end of his guest hosting appearance last Saturday. This word was an important part of my experience that day. It's probably not a stretch to say that everyone has had life-shaping experiences with this word. World views flow from these seven letters. What do you believe? About the world? About people? About creativity? About yourself? Do you recognize the role that belief (or lack thereof) plays in your life?It's great if you have a story. It's wonderful if you have a collection of thoughts, conjured by the word. Bring yourself and your memories. Watch them congeal into a story in which the rest of us can see ourselves. We begin immediately after Soul Acoustic Sessions with Osiris Wildfire. Come early to receive an inspiration boost from the music. Sample the menu at Wired Beans Café. Enjoy your self and others.$5 suggested donation."

Some of the work I've created on the subject of "Survivor" in the past has included:

1) Spoken word guided meditation recordings:Affirmations for Survivors: Self-Love (Released in August 2007) Affirmations for Survivors: Spirituality (Released in August 2007)Affirmations for Survivors: Sexuality (Coming Soon)Affirmations for Survivors: Life Skills (Coming Soon)You can listen to samples from them all, and also watch two videos of me on the subject of dealing with depression, by clicking thyself in the hereward direccione, as it were. (If you will.) Self-Love and Spirituality are available to order from me directly for $15 each (includes shipping and handling in the domestic USA. To order, visit www.paypal.com, and "Send Money" to cxmusic(at)gmail.com. (Be sure to replace the (at) with @). Never let it be said!

2) Poems like "telegram from erotic to terror", which was published in my chapbook "secrets & lies: poetry and other words", and which became the script to my *5-womon play "Sex for Survivors", which ran for three days in the 2003 Philadelphia Fringe Festival at the Community Education Center (CEC). (*The wimmin were: myself, O, Monica McIntyre, Jodi Netzer, and Samantha Barrows.)

3) Songs like "Nothing is All I Need" and "Happy to Be Alive" from my albums The Whittenberg Sessions, and Live at Tin Angel, "Hope (Find Me This Way)" from live at the kraftbrau, kalamazoo!, "Wounded Creatures Bite" from Beautiful among others. (http://cdbaby.com/all/cassendre)

4) Spiritual and personal growth articles published nationally in various anthologies and periodicals, most recently Wisdom Magazine's online edition, to which I contribute monthly.You can read my articles by clicking thyself in the hereward direccione, if you will. (As it were.) I am very excited to create new work to share on this topic. I hope you'll join us and share your story, or just listen, learn, and enjoy!

=========================================But wait! There's more!! I can easily update my calendar with my phone but only on my bloggational unit, not this here website, so to see if I have anything more, please visitate yourself in the hereward direccione:http://cassendrexavier.blogspot.com

It is a pleasure and an honor to greet you again! My previous "Me! Me! Me!" was sent May 2, 2013. It feels good to write to you again so soon, but hopefully not too soon for your comfort!

And speaking of comfort, I am writing to you from the Harlem, New York City apartment of a lovely married couple of artists-activists. I am sitting at the desk of accomplished singer-songwriter, in my favorite model of ergonomically-correct chairs. I stayed up till three in the morning talking to this persun's lovely spouse. How ya like my non-gender-specific language? :-) And last night I enjoyed a long drive with NY Sweetie (formerly Main Squeeze whom I met at last year's Poly Living Conference) from Philadelphia to New York, stopping by a sports bar in Maple Shade New Jersey for essential chicken wingage (aka "chicken wingery") whilst watching the NY Yankee's show the Toronto team what's what. Good times!

I am really happy these days in large part because I am following the joyful feelings of my heart and becoming more authentic in my life. I have for the first time in my spiritually eclectic life committed to a discipline, a practice, that has been helping me a lot. Much the way one is best served by not spending too much time introducing a poem before one recites or performs it, I prefer to let my life demonstrate the lessons I'm learning. I look forward to sharing the lessons with you!

I think this will be my 3rd time performing at the LFM. I really enjoy this event. It's usually beautiful weather, I enjoy singing to the trees, folks arehappy and friendly, I like the sound system, and it's my annual trip to Todero'sMusic right next door to buy my annual supply of guitar strings and/or pics!

I've twice participated in this wonderful weekly community event. Previously I shared on the subject of "Miracles". This time, as a featured artist, we will all share on my suggested topic of "Survivor".

Here's what host Katonya Mosley posted on GET OPEN's Facebook Fan Page, Saturday May 11, 2013, which had the theme of "Believe":

"Believe...

We begin with a word. We build community through personal stories.

Quincy said this week's word at the end of his guest hosting appearance last Saturday. This word was an important part of my experience that day. It's probably not a stretch to say that everyone has had life-shaping experiences with this word. World views flow from these seven letters.

What do you believe? About the world? About people? About creativity? About yourself? Do you recognize the role that belief (or lack thereof) plays in your life?

It's great if you have a story. It's wonderful if you have a collection of thoughts, conjured by the word. Bring yourself and your memories. Watch them congeal into a story in which the rest of us can see ourselves.

We begin immediately after Soul Acoustic Sessions with Osiris Wildfire. Come early to receive an inspiration boost from the music. Sample the menu at Wired Beans Café. Enjoy your self and others.

$5 suggested donation."

Some of the work I've created on the subject of "Survivor" in the past has included:

1) Spoken word guided meditation recordings:

Affirmations for Survivors: Self-Love (Released in August 2007)

Affirmations for Survivors: Spirituality (Released in August 2007)

Affirmations for Survivors: Sexuality (Coming Soon)

Affirmations for Survivors: Life Skills (Coming Soon)

You can listen to samples from them all, and also watch two videos of me on the subject of dealing with depression, by clicking thyself in the hereward direccione, as it were. (If you will.)

Self-Love and Spirituality are available to order from me directly for $15 each (includes shipping and handling in the domestic USA. To order, visit www.paypal.com, and "Send Money" to cxmusic(at)gmail.com. (Be sure to replace the (at) with @). Never let it be said!

2) Poems like "telegram from erotic to terror", which was published in my chapbook "secrets & lies: poetry and other words", and which became the script to my *5-womon play "Sex for Survivors", which ran for three days in the 2003 Philadelphia Fringe Festival at the Community Education Center (CEC). (*The wimmin were: myself, O, Monica McIntyre, Jodi Netzer, and Samantha Barrows.)

Did you know that 11:00am is the best time to have meetings and challenging discussions, or any sort of connections with others? Apparently, that's when our hearts are in the best condition to meet with other hearts and communication is at its peak. At least that's what my friend Sunlight Little NHD says and if you want more info, Google and ask her!

3) EXCITING WEEKEND/DUNHAM-COLLIER

This weekend a couple of very cool things are happening in the lives of my two friends Kelli Dunham and Ebony Malaika Collier. Kelli's latest and, I think, her most important book "Freak of Nurture" is being unofficially released in NYC today Saturday May 18, at 4pm at the Sealy Cuyler Funeral Home, 1084 Pacific St, Brooklyn NY. Shortly thereafter, folks are going to a restaurant for a reception. The book officially will be released May 21. Visit www.kellidumham.com for more information.

I've known these two wimmin for a very long time, and I'm honored to witness such growth of their art/work, and therefore, lives. If you are not able to attend these events, feel free to review their work otherwise and/or get in touch!

4) THE VALUE OF VALUING YOUR VALUE

I thought selling my CDs at $5 would mean I'd sell a ton of them. Turns out that while they did sell, people were not as excited about them. I learned instead of thinking, "If it's so cheap, how can you pass it up?" the better idea is "My work has value, and is worth a certain amount, period. I'm fine with knowing that not everyone can make a purchase every time." As a result, my CDs are being priced accordingly, and selling much better! Hoo da thunk? :-)

May your day be blessed with blessings you placed in it yourself, with thoughts of love and expansion.

May you learn to be gentle with yourself and others. May you step ever closer to your increased inner joy.

May you allow better and better into your life, and bring better and better to the lives of others.May you insist on being and expressing yourself, in the best and most loving ways, no matter what. No matter what.

May all your fondest heart's desires come true, surpassing all your expectations. This, or something better, and may it be for the good of all!

Subscribe to Cassendre's email list by sending a blank email to:cassendrexavier-subscribe@yahoogroups.com) and you'll receive her various "museletters" under various names including "renaissance negresse catalog", "ME! ME! ME!", "With Pleasure", among others.

I think this will be my 3rd time performing at the LFM. I really enjoy this event. It's usually beautiful weather, I enjoy singing to the trees, folks arehappy and friendly, I like the sound system, and it's my annual trip to Todero'sMusic right next door to buy my annual supply of guitar strings and/or pics!

I've twice participated in this wonderful weekly community event. Previously I shared on the subject of "Miracles". This time, as a featured artist, we will all share on my suggested topic of "Survivor".

Here's what host Katonya Mosley posted on GET OPEN's Facebook Fan Page, Saturday May 11, 2013, which had the theme of "Believe":

"Believe...

We begin with a word. We build community through personal stories.

Quincy said this week's word at the end of his guest hosting appearance last Saturday. This word was an important part of my experience that day. It's probably not a stretch to say that everyone has had life-shaping experiences with this word. World views flow from these seven letters.

What do you believe? About the world? About people? About creativity? About yourself? Do you recognize the role that belief (or lack thereof) plays in your life?

It's great if you have a story. It's wonderful if you have a collection of thoughts, conjured by the word. Bring yourself and your memories. Watch them congeal into a story in which the rest of us can see ourselves.

We begin immediately after Soul Acoustic Sessions with Osiris Wildfire. Come early to receive an inspiration boost from the music. Sample the menu at Wired Beans Café. Enjoy your self and others.

$5 suggested donation."

Some of the work I've created on the subject of "Survivor" in the past has included:

1) Spoken word guided meditation recordings:

Affirmations for Survivors: Self-Love (Released in August 2007)

Affirmations for Survivors: Spirituality (Released in August 2007)

Affirmations for Survivors: Sexuality (Coming Soon)

Affirmations for Survivors: Life Skills (Coming Soon)

You can listen to samples from them all, and also watch two videos of me on the subject of dealing with depression, by clicking thyself in the hereward direccione, as it were. (If you will.)

Self-Love and Spirituality are available to order from me directly for $15 each (includes shipping and handling in the domestic USA. To order, visit www.paypal.com, and "Send Money" to cxmusic(at)gmail.com. (Be sure to replace the (at) with @). Never let it be said!

2) Poems like "telegram from erotic to terror", which was published in my chapbook "secrets & lies: poetry and other words", and which became the script to my *5-womon play "Sex for Survivors", which ran for three days in the 2003 Philadelphia Fringe Festival at the Community Education Center (CEC). (*The wimmin were: myself, O, Monica McIntyre, Jodi Netzer, and Samantha Barrows.)

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Lawdee, you know you're a writer when you're dead-ass tired and you still need to write and post your blog.

I wanna start with an oldie but goodie:

Diary entry: 12-01-05

"Every day is a challenge to remember abundance. Some days I see the abundance everywhere; I'm in it. Other days I must remind myself. Next Friday I'll be in New Hampshire. Right now I don't know how I'll get there. I remember the abundant Universe and call out to her sources for help. I remember also she is most effective when I do my work ahead of time. I expect and receive miracles all the time. I have good friends. A good job. I love my apartment. Life is good. My dreams are actualizing, growing, and changing each day. Life is good!"

Back to 5/15/13:

I shared that entry because I did a similar thing this time. Last time, I booked an out-of-town gig trusting I'd find a way to get there. I'd seen that Tret Fure (whom I've had the pleasure of co-billing with in Media, PA) was playing the Highlands Inn in New Hampshire. I inquired and found out at the logistics and arranged to perform there myself. I went on a local online forum and found someone to drive me in exchange for some gas money and to enjoy a weekend at the Highlands Inn for free. This time, I have a busy weekend in two states and I only had the means to get myself out of town but not back home. I made the plans anyway, trusting all would be well and arrangify (aka "arrangicate") itself. At my show tonight, I learned something: Don't wait for people to come to you for CDs. Bring them to the folks. After my song at Rhyme&Reason: The Open Mic Experience (3rd Wednesdays 7:30pm-11pm at Jollie's Live, 822 North Broad St, Philadelphia, PA 19130 $10), no one asked me for CDs. I stayed to hear the other acts, then walked out with a patron. Halfway down the sidewalk, he said he had wanted to purchase a CD. I sold him one, then went back in to hand-sell more. Some folks bought, some said no, one said she'll order online, and almost all signed my email list. One of the cool things I heard today is another performer (poet) saying she accepted as payment for her chapbooks: cash, credit cards, and EBT (food stamp card). She said once a woman took her to the corner store, and they traded a box of cereal and a carton of milk for one chapbook. How cool is that?!

CHANGE A CIRCUMSTANCE BY SHIFTING FOCUS AND ADJUSTING YOUR ATTITUDE ABOUT ITShifting focus and changing attitude changes everything. When I was upset about not having sold CDs, I felt badly and created more to be unhappy with. I decided to look for good and/or lessons in the situation. I thought, "Ok, what can I learn from this? What can I use from this experience that will make my life better or easier? What is this situation here to teach me?" I learned about venues and their styles, musicianship and the many different ways that can look or be. And I learned lots of performers ask the audience if they'd like to purchase a CD. I sold CDs and felt very happy! And all this because I observed and improved my thoughts and feelings until they were again centered in positive possibility.

NEXT GIG:Saturday, May 25, 2013 - 10:30am-12:30pm - No cover charge!Lansdowne Farmer's Market Lansdowne, PAwww.lansdownefarmersmarket.comI think this will be my 3rd time performing at the LFM. I really enjoy this event. It's usually beautiful weather, I enjoy singing to the trees, folks are happy and friendly, I like the sound system, and it's my annual trip to Todero's Music right next door to buy my annual supply of guitar strings and/or pics!

Monday, May 13, 2013

GREEN IS THE COLOR OF SELF-CAREBought collards and bananas tonight, juiced and made smoothie. Drank green juice and felt like I received an infusion of nutrition and love, the first in months. How did I let so many weeks go by without going grocery shopping? It feels good to take care of myself. For related articles and videos, internet search keywords "green smoothie raw blog." Watch me make raw juices and smoothies at http://youtube.com/cassendrexavier (keywords: "raw vegan")

MY ART WAS MY MEDICINE TODAYIt's been really hard to train myself to use my best perfume more often. Every time I want to, I'm strongly inclined to wait. Then I realize I'm doing that in other major areas of my life: waiting for something better, instead of enjoying the better now. Doing it now. Using my best perfume now is preparing me to take bigger steps to creating my best life. Now. Related article that helped me walk my talk in this area today: "Don't Save the Best For Last" http://wisdom-magazine.com/Article.aspx/1805Wisdom Magazine online edition's CX Article Archives: http://wisdom-magazine.com/ArticleArchives.aspx?isLike=true&author=cassendre%20xavier

HOW DO YOU MAKE AND SELL ART WITH NO MONEY?You have faith. You believe you can do it. You hold on to your vision. You create a vision if you don't have one. You revise your vision if you need to. You get a part-time day job. You work with friends who charge you less. You thank God for breath and the art that allows you to go on and you enjoy all you can. You have fun! You visit www.kickstart.com. You study www.amandapalmer.net. You make chapbooks and CDs with very little money. You sell them. You write about your journey and you share your skillery device units. You are authentic and unafraid. You dare to be yourself and you feel all the wonderful and terrifying feelings involved. You get a credit card swiper.You do better and better all the time. You inspire. You enjoy your life.Go to www.youtube.com/cassendrexavier and enter "Nothing Is All I Need". Visit the Cassendre Xavier Music Gallery at http://cdbaby.com/all/cassendre

GOOD LOVIN' MAKES YOU CHOOSYWhether love or sex, once you've had it really good, you don't want to settle for less. Once you've given of your first or second heart, and your partner has done the same, your eyes don't focus the way they did before. They get blurry until your first or second heart go pitter pat. You want to jump back, look, and wait for a sign this will be another good love, another vote of confidence proving you know what to do with your time. You know what to do with your first and second heart. And you know what to do with theirs. Go to www.youtube.com/cassendrexavier and enter "To Be".That song is also available on my album "Live at Tin Angel" (CD Baby, iTunes).

When you try so hard to find a quiet spot on the train and everyone around you is being loud, that's a sign God wants you to pause and take an "inner quiet" break. It's also a call to pray for your fellow humyn, being. Every time this happens to me, as soon as I start praying for Annoyingly Loud Persun #1 of 4, I feel much better, 1 gets the vibe and is more peaceful, and 2-3 one by one leave the train on their scheduled stops. When I forget this inner quiet-pray for them trick, I just remain annoyed while ALPs 1-4 keep having themselves a jolly ol' time, not even aware of the sorrows they bestow upon Moi-self. (Equally effective are sending reiki, holding a vision of everyone in light and love, or anything of the like. We Are All One, every thing is energy, and those methods are all energy healing!) :-) <3 :-) <3----------------- @AmethysteRah@AmritaWaterfalls@renaissancenegressewww.cassendrexavier.comNext show: Wed, May 15, 2013 Rhyme&Reason: The Open Mic Experience (Philadelphia)

Sunday, May 12, 2013

I hope you are enjoying this day, simply for being alive in it!Mother's Day to me is always about self-nurturing. Doesn't it seem like every time you want something, when you get down to really trying to "get" it turns out the answer is to go within, figure out what you truly desire, then give it to yourself? It certainly seems that way to me, especially when it comes to relationships, money, and career/life purpose.While I wish every woman who's actually a mother a Happy Mother's Day, and I also wish every man who is a father a Happy Father's Day, I mostly wish everyone else a Happy Self-Nurturing Day. The best parents take care of themselves well.I acknowledge and send this out to all the single people who spend a lot of time giving of their selves to their friends, their employees, and their communities.And, most especially, I send this out to all survivors of childhood sexual and physical, etc. abuse, who have had the hardest lessons to learn about self-love, nurturing and caring for self, and reclaiming one's power.

From Moi's Facebook inbox just now:"Happy Mother's Day to a woman, like me, who mothers herself and others regardless of biology." -Lynne "Inner Light" Watts (formerly Rabchuk)

I am grateful to be able to share my journey through the creative and healing arts.

Please enjoy listening to samples of my "Affirmation for Survivors" guided meditation series on YouTube.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL LIFEIt's not that life is always wonderful. It's that it is always life and to be alive, just to be alive is such a gift.I know I asked to be here because I want to come back again. Perhaps at time 48 or 49 I won't feel this way, but right now I want to come back 50 times. Why is it I feel this way, without a needed day job, needing to move again in two months, having just lost my partner?Because I am alive!Because God is good! Because I had a day job 3 weeks ago and I will have one, or something better, very soon! Because I have prospects! Because I have friends! Because I have talent! Because I am willing to work, and most of all, because I have love!

MENS, MENS, MENSIt is as they say: When you're not looking, in the door, they come. I was so clear I'm not open to romance right now. Friendship, yes, partnership and support, yes, companionship, yes. Bootknockery, mayhap. But I'm so busy falling in love with Tom again, spiritually, and developing a relationship with his new state, I don't really want anyone else. Who else is going to call me "obsessive organizer." Who else is going to remind me to "relax" several times a day? Who else is going to make me feel totally comforted and protected just at the sound of his voice? Who else is going to tell me when my period's due? Who else is going to be 6'5" and have gorgeous feet? Who else is going to lift his head up when I stroke his chin, like a gentle, fragile kitten? So just as I closed up shop, someone came a knockin'. I saw him last night and will see him again tomorrow.And so lucky am I to have seen NY Sweetie (formerly Main Squeeze) tonight and will see him tomorrow. It's all about friendship at this point. NY Sweetie is company and comfort in my grieving. I haven't fully "enjoyed the company of another" *iff'n* you know what I mean, since the late Local Tall (aka "Tom"). Anyway. What's a girl to do when nice boys come a callin'? Open the door and set 'em down for tea.

TODAY I LOVE MYSELF A LOT BECAUSE I KNOWEven though I do a lot of bad things and can be really annoying I'm still quite lovable and still worthy of being loved and cherished. Even though I fail a lot and may not make all my dreams come true in this lifetime, in the ways I envisioned them, I still did a good job and deserve to feel good about myself. Even though I've hurt people, I am still forgiven by the One who matters most. Even though I hurt myself, I'm still trying to do better, and heal more and more every day. It's time to write my books, and I have begun. It's time to ask for help and I have begun. I am discovering my true beauty, and therefore can finally accept my ugliness as well. I am building an inner beauty that will shine when the outer beauty fades. I am trying to be kinder to myself and others. I am trying to do the right things. I am trying.

OMGODDESS I HAVE CRAMPS AND IT FEELS SO GOOOOD!!!The late Local Tall was a merchant marine so he always knew the lunar cycles. A few days ago I started wondering what the moon was up to and feeling like this was just about the time Local Tall would say I was about to be a happy bleedin' gyal again. This afternoon my wombal reggiones started a churnin' and I was like, whoah, Nellie, what's goin' on down there?! Dare I get my hopes up? Answer came a coupla hours later: Yes, gyal, go ahead n' get your hopes up! Please enjoy my parody of Willie Nelson's song "On the Road Again". Mine is called "On the Rag Again," and has to do with my womanly monthly MENSTRUATION CYCLE (in case that wasn't clear :-). Please clicketh thyself in the hereward direccione: On the Rag Again - Cassendre Xavier - Willie Nelson (From YouTube.com)

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The Law of Attraction teaches us that we attract more of whatever our vibration set point is. So, it's good to try to improve our vibrational set point, lest we attract more suffering. Thinking about, or dwelling on our problems attracts more problems. Let's say you're thinking about your problems right now, and you're feeling bad, sort of helpless, and rather anxious. What can you do? You can't just go from feeling bad to feeling good, right? After all, the problems are still there! One very quick and effective way is to no longer think of your problems as problems at all. What if you switched the channel, stopped thinking of your problems as problems, and started thinking of them as opportunities instead? Wouldn't you feel better instantly? I know I do!

You don't have problems. You have opportunities!

Your so-called problems are opportunities:

1) For experiencing breakthroughs (when you have applied all the above). 2) For receiving miracles (when you believe, act on your faith, and expect miracles).3) For practicing solution-making (when you have recognized how much better it feels to switch from helpless suffering to positive action). 4) For practicing acceptance (when things don't go your way; when your prayers aren't answered the way you'd hoped they would).5) For practicing trust (that your needs are all ways met, and all ways will be; that you can reach out to, and count on others to assist and support you). 6) For practicing gratitude (that you have everything you need right now, that you can all ways choose joy, that God/Spirit/The Universe) all ways makes decisions based on your highest good, that there is so much beauty in the world, that love is, and that all is well). 7) For having a testimony to share with and inspire others (when you have recognized you are not alone but surrounded by others in your network and community; when you know your life is beautiful and your experiences or stories are important and that your experiences or stories can assist others). 8) For experiencing life fully (when you recognize so-called problems are part of the complete life experience you long ago and very lovingly and very expectantly signed up for).

Problems are a natural part of life. As we continue to live and grow, problems will appear as opportunities for us to learn, improve, and appreciate this wonderful experience of life. The better we can train ourselves to handle our problems, and the better we can train ourselves to think and feel about the process, the better-feeling circumstances we will attract into our lives for further experience and growth. See problems as opportunities, and enjoy your life!

------------CX---------

Permission is granted to forward and share part or all of this article. Please include the title, author and website link as printed below:

"You Don't Have Problems, You Have Opportunities (c) Copyright 2013 by Cassendre Xavier. All rights reserved. For more information, please visit http://cassendrexavier.com."

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Dear Tom (Book Manuscript draft update)[I write every day and add to one of 8 book manuscripts. Occasionally sharing my works in progress with you, my audience, helps me in some way. In this case, it helps me work through the grief of having recently lost a significant partner, it helps me because I absolutely rejoice in having my writing read! It also helps me because sometimes the info I share about the writing points to a task I didn't until then know I need to do. In this case, I'm including the link to my writing website, and now I see it hasn't been updated in not one, not two, but three, count 'em, three years!! Wowie zowie, Batman, that's just crazy talk!! So, yeah, thanks for helping me get on that. Things To Do list! :-) http://artivistpublications.homestead.com.

This here goes out to anyone who's ever lost a loved one, and anyone who writes for therapy and sanekeeping. Look not to tomorrow, even though the sun is there. Look right in front of your face right now. Breathe and take one moment at a time. Just as your only power is in the present, so is your healthiest heart and most enriched life experience. Love and peace to you.]

Domingo, Cinco de Mayo, 2013

I was just walking home from picking up my take-out dinner, and passed a car that looked like Tom's. I'm constantly reminded of him whenever I leave or return to my apartment, because he'd brought me home or picked me up from there. I think also because when I last saw him, he had just dropped me off and I watched his car almost eerily drive away. It was different than all the other times it drove away. He was different. Our time together that day was different. I sensed it, but I didn't recognize it. Seeing the car that just reminded me of Tom, I had a flash of him getting out of the car, bringing himself to the full 6'5" that always delighted me, then I remembered he was dead. Then I remembered I could imagine and expect to see him again in the afterlife, so I replayed the flash memory/new picture/future event, which is all the same because in the Spirit and energy that We Are, there is no time. And I felt so wonderful! I felt I was a beam of light of ecstasy and I sent it to him and to God, saying, "See? See, my beloveds? I believe!" I love letting Tom know I know he's with me, and still experiencing life, only without the shackle of his ailing flesh and the sorrows of this world. As I imagined and visualized and crafted Tom's and my heavenly reunion, I realized I saw him as overweight and ill, and that most people say when we meet our deceased loved ones in the afterlife, we are all in our ideal physical forms. But, I met, loved, and received the most sexual pleasure from a man who was too heavy and who was ill. That's the man I chose to give my second heart to, and shared many psychic moments with. That's the man I loved for four years, and lived with for much of our time together. Even though he had been much healthier, slenderer, and more conventionally attractive prior to his heart condition, that's not how the man I loved looked.At his memorial service, I was surprised to see so many pictures of him so young, fit, active, and happy. Happy. I decided to keep imagining both of us reuniting, as we look and are today. Him at his weight and heart condition, and me with my weight and my own issues.I decided I love the good feeling of us having loved one another, as we were. And, are we not worthy of love, joy, and passion, at any physical state? I know he wants us all to remember him healthy and happy, and I do. And I'm fine with also dreaming up scenarios of our meeting again in the spirit world in our younger, ideal states: the way we looked at our so-called "best", the way we looked in those pictures people tend to use in their personal ads. It feels better to me right now to imagine my Tom stepping out of his car right now, slow and slightly labored, but not too uncomfortably so, because that's my Tom. And he loved me immensely, as I am right now, and so can I. So do I. I love that after all these years of trying to heal my self-hatred and childhood abuse trauma with art, with therapy, with art, with affirmations, with art, and with art, and also with love and art, I finally love myself right now, as I am. Tonight as I dreamt blissfully of meeting Tom again, I realized I finally really love myself.I love all of me, my dark inner thighs that rub together, my breasts that never stood on their own, even when they were new, I love myself, right now, as Tom loved me.