Journal Entry 17: Attempt

It has easily been a
week or so that I’ve been in this land-loop with Lowen. In that time I have
taken the opportunity to test the boundaries of the loop. Strangely enough one
can see the lands beyond, but if I venture far enough I find myself back where
I started. It is not obvious; there is no specific point where I know I’m no
longer headed toward any objective in the distance. I just become aware that I
am back at my point of origin.

Everything does reset
after a few days. Any animals we slay for food return. Fruit and vegetables
reappear from where we had harvested them. The temperature and weather are so
agreeable we really have no need to build a shelter. If we did we would have to
rebuild it again when everything resets days later. Much like trying to travel
beyond the looped area, things that were gone are simply back again, and you
never actually see them reappear. You simply notice they are there. Anything
that had been built or assembled such as a firepit for cooking meat, is no
longer there. The phenomenon is enough to challenge one’s sense of lucidity.

Lowen has taken it
upon himself to question me in a thousand ways about my jaunting ability, which
I refer to as an affliction. I have hardly any information to give him, which
he finds endlessly frustrating, though I find his incessant inquiry even more
so. Often he will ask the same questions repeatedly as if he had never asked
them in the first place.

Of course I have
attempted to reinitiate the jaunting, calling upon what I did when confronted with
the shatarak. Was it due to being in the presence of a dimension walking
creature that allowed me to trigger the ability? Was it from being on the brink
of death? Whatever it was, it was nothing I could replicate. I tried stilling
my mind, inducing an altered state of consciousness, increasing my
adrenaline… I could not replicate it.

Lowen often thinks he
is being oh so helpful, trying to assist in triggering the jaunt. He always
grabs me with each attempt in the event I do begin to teleport in hopes he can
hitch a ride. It seems he wants to leave
here nearly as badly as I do. Perhaps he is as weary of his own company as I
am…

LOWEN

(attempting
to startle JANUAE)

JANUAE!

JANUAE

Crail, Lowen! Must you
do that! And please, let go of my arm!

LOWEN

Is it working? Can you
feel it coming?

JANUAE

No! You have tried
this how many times despite me asking you not to, how many times! It’s working
as well as it had the last hundred times.

LOWEN

You were ready. You
can’t be ready. You have to be afraid for your life.

JANUAE

I don’t think so.
We’ve established-

LOWEN

JIRASKAR!

JANUAE

Lowen, please! Get off
me! Why would you think that would work? There are no predators here anyway.

LOWEN

Your survival
instincts don’t know that.

JANUAE

I’m afraid they do.
Let’s not repeat that, shall we?

LOWEN

I’ve been thinking…
it might be a pain threshold thing. You might need to feel it, you know, the
pain. Well, enough pain. If you feel that, if you feel enough pain, it could
work.

JANUAE

I’m not willing to
subject myself to any level of pain to-

LOWEN

It would be worth it!
Then we’re gone and the jaunt means no more loop! So maybe a sharp stick.
Spikes from the kenn trees even. Maybe we can find some stinging insect or-

JANUAE

You know what, Lowen?
I’m going to take a walk.

LOWEN

Sure.

JANUAE

(after
several steps)

And please don’t
follow me.

(after
several more steps)

Lowen! Just stop.
Leave me be for awhile.

LOWEN

Fine.

NARRATION

JANUAE

The man insists on
following me everywhere I go. It is utterly aggravating and exhausting. Not
only do I want a break from him, I’m also using the time to try to figure out
what happened to the wright that came here with him. That is, if they ever did
come here. I can find no evidence of a grave. I can’t imagine their remains
would have vanished with a reset, as anything that came from outside this loop
seems to be exempt from resetting.

I’m also looking for
some of the parts from the installation that was destroyed. I would like to try
to find out what happened here, what really happened here.

As per usual, I find
no evidence of the wright’s remains or of any parts from the installation.
Another fruitless search, and I am no more enlightened on how these pieces add
up.

Lowen catches up to me
and once again starts up the process of discussing the jaunting; what’s caused
it, how to control it, what else we can try. Now he’s conceived the idea that
the veilwardens attuned the nanites within my body to respond to some sort of
timer or trigger. I’ve grown weary of this discussion and I choose to remain
mute, hoping he will eventually exhaust himself. Invariably he does, but never
soon enough.

Hunting time comes as
the light of day ebbs, which I look forward to, as it gives us something to do
and is the time I can be certain Lowen will remain silent. We opt to hunt birds
to change up from the griffalo meat we’ve had the last few days. In addition, I
wasn’t keen on getting pierced by its tusk during the last hunt. The poison
still lingered the next day and left me rather ineffective. The meat from the
birds renders us rather groggy, and I welcome a peaceful, and quiet night of
rest.

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

Sound of nocturnal
insects

(Sound of footsteps
approaching. After a moment there is a slight stab sound. JANUAE wakes with a
start, followed by a cry of pain)

JANUAE

Aaah! Lowen! What in
murr are you doing to me?!

LOWEN

Shh, shh, shh.

(sound
of another stab)

JANUAE

Aaugh! Stop! Lowen,
please stop!

LOWEN

(another
stab)

Feel it! Surrender to
it! Let the pain make you jaunt! I’ll be with you when you jaunt, you just need
to-

JANUAE

No!

(sounds
of struggle between JANUAE and LOWEN)

LOWEN

You have to let me- we
need to jaunt now!

JANUAE

Stop! Stop! Stop!

(each
word is punctuated by the sound of Lowen being hit against a hard surface. A
crack is heard. Silence. Then softly)