The rantings of an ultra conservative Christian, who is constantly being put in my place by the "Big Guy". A wife, and mother of 4 who is rapidly approaching 30. Lover of shopping, chocolate, worship, and rocking the boat. Passionately wanting to follow God, wherever he leads me, but taking regular side roads, and experiencing my fair share of grace.
"Some people have to learn the hard way, and I'm the type of guy (gal) that has to find out for myself." ~DC Talk

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Sometimes I start feeling down. The snow won't melt and I'm stuck in my house. The grocery bills keep getting higher. The holiday "goodies" have added a few pounds to the mid-section. These all sound like little things, but I can make them HUGE. Seriously, I can lose sleep over a few pounds (although I'm a bit mental that way).

I've been feeling pretty low, in the world that orbits around me. Being self centered has a tendency to do that. I've been ignoring God. I really don't know why. I just have been avoiding him.

Today at church I had a "moment". I was worshiping, and having a bad attitude about it, when a song caught me off guard. "We all fall down, we lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus." I'm not sure what happened. All I know is that the Holy Spirit hit me hard. I could feel it so physically, I was worried I'd have a Toronto moment, right there in my little conservative church!

My heart God's again... in just that moment. WOW!

The sermon was by some homegrown missionaries, serving in Uganda. I heard about little girls sold into prostitution at 8... for a bag of sugar. They told us how most men beat their wives, because that is how things are done, and how the "wives" can't ever escape because they have NO way to care for themselves and their children. We were told that they drink the same water that they defecate in, and dump their dead, and pour gasoline in, and then wonder why their babies die of ecoli. We heard how they lock away their handicap children. We learned that they don't have families... just many partners, and many children. They don't parent... they don't know how. Their lives are so incredibly void of God, that they have no morals, only fear and misery. Yet they are people just like us, with feelings, and sadness, and SO in need of a little hope... of a savior.... but they are afraid to know him. How very sad.

My world seems a little brighter right now. I am thankful for education, and toilets, and handicap rights. I'm thankful for clean water acts, and medicine, and families! I am thankful that my girls live in a country where they CAN provide for themselves if need be... where they can learn, and love, and be loved by their husbands.

We are so blessed that God is here. Here in America. This country WAS founded on Godly principles, and we are still reaping the results.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

There is a thick layer of snow covering my driveway. My heater is chugging along, trying to keep my century old farm house above 60. The kids are off at school thanks to my husbands over priced 4 wheel drive truck (which I am currently grateful for). All the business that has kept me away from housework, projects, and blogging has suddenly ceased. I wouldn't dare take my little white chick car on the roads. I tried last year and ended up walking... 5 kids in tow... and a month of "I told you so's".

Another year of being trapped out in the middle of nowhere. However this year, I don't mind so much. I seem to have lost the ability to "slow down". So I am grateful for being stuck here "nowhere".

We have ended up at a little church by our kids school. The town feels like Mayberry. Quaint and pretty. Old Victorians and a general store. I could swear there is a time warp that has kept that place in the 50's. If you have read any of the Harmony books, you know my town.

It's hard to take a city girl and place her in a small town... it's even harder to place her in a small church where the music hasn't changed in 60 years, nor has the body.

It's a solid church. I think there are maybe 6 or 7 other families, a nice handful of kids, and dozens of elderly. The old ladies bake cookies every Sunday. Gossip is huge, but what else do you do in Mayberry? Anyway, they are SO happy we are there. A new family... UNDER 50. That's a big deal and BIG gossip. They think we are a model family. My husband has a good reputation in town. We dress well, behave well. Ugh, if only they could see my heart. I'm trying to step off that pedestal before I fall.

The pastor is great. His sermons range from brilliance to... weird. Last week he talked about the birth of Jesus, however, he was pretending to be Mary. In a thick accent he started talking about his privates hurting. Then as the labor progressed, he started moaning. I turned to my husband and said "if he starts pushing, I'm leaving". Luckily, he didn't go there.

Oh I hope it works. This church I mean. I don't think we could handle another huge upset. Not for along time. Seriously, if we find out they are sacrificing cats in the basement or something, were done. DONE! We are so fed up with church CRAP right now, I just pray that God has us somewhere safe. I truly feel our walk with the church is on it's final leg. I don't want to be another church casualty, where I say "Christian's killed my faith in church... but not God." Not that my faith should be in the church anyway.....