Dear Coleen: Is is possible I’m in love with two men at the same time?

Dear Coleen

I’m 21 and in my second year at university. I met a nice boy and we quickly became friends, and used to spend loads of time together.

I started to like him and felt he liked me, too. We went to a party, both got a bit drunk and kissed in front of everyone for a good 15 minutes.

The next day, I tried to talk to him about it but he was reluctant. I tried once more a couple of weeks later and he said he’s not ready for a girlfriend.

Strangely, though, every time other people were around he’d be very tactile and kiss me, but if it was just the two of us, he would hardly come near me.

We still spend a lot of time together, but I now have a boyfriend who I’ve been seeing for nine months and who I love deeply. I’m really happy with him (including sex) and I know we could have a good future ahead of us.

However, I often wonder how things would be with the other guy. Recently on your page there was a survey that claimed 46% of women think about someone else during sex – well, I’m one of them! I even dream about him.

Is it possible that I love two guys? Is it just a case of unfulfilled desire with the other boy? Am I looking for something more exciting?

Is it because I’m young or just greedy? Why can’t we have two partners?

Coleen says

I don’t think someone who is genuinely in love would ask why they can’t have two partners.

You’ve turned this thing with the first lad into a huge fantasy and all fantasies are exciting, but it’s not real life.

As for the dreams – we’ve all woken up thinking we’re in love with someone else after a dream but, just like a fantasy, it’s not real either.

You need to look at the bare facts here – you had a 15-minute snog with him at a party and after that he was only interested in being tactile when other people were around.

It sounds like more of a showmance to me and that all he’s interested in is looking a certain way in front of his mates.

Maybe your boyfriend, as lovely as he is, simply isn’t the one for you, which is why you’re having these thoughts and fantasies about someone else.

You are also still very young, so perhaps you’re not ready yet for full-on commitment.