Poor Glasgow! Only a few days after having to fight off claims by an English historian that the city is a "state-subsidised backwater", a questionable new survey, published in the Sunday Herald, has claimed that Glaswegians are the most miserable people in the UK.

The nationwide poll of 2000 people claims that Glaswegians mope around at the top of the league for winter blues, just ahead of the citizens of Newcastle and Sheffield.

Researchers point to the high rainfall in the west of Scotland, compared to the east, as one reason Glaswegians are more miserable; the same survey found Edinburgh to be one of the cheeriest places in the UK. Another factor apparently making Glaswegians more miserable is the lack of daylight during the winter months, compared to cities further south.

The organisers of the poll – the Canary Islands Tourist Board – suggested (competely objectively, of course) that the best way for Glaswegians to beat the winter blues was to jet off to a sunshine break ... preferably to the Canary Islands, perhaps?

Whit??????????? I live in the South East of England and I often have to - nay, NEED to - escape to my hometown for a good laugh and some friendly people. The banter in Glasgow is second to none. I can have a good old friendly natter with anyone from the Southern General surgeon I had to see about my mother recently to the wee wumman standing at the bus stop outside. When I strike up a conversation with folk at a bus stop here they look at me as if I'm mad. My conversations with taxi drivers, shop assistants, waiters, etc. in Glasgow always make me laugh out loud!!!!A load of tosh, this is!

HiI have been a Glasgow taxi driver for the last 35 years and I can honestly say that the Glasgow people are the salt of the earth I have had all sorts in the back of my cab and the working class are the best of the lot for example you will get a wee old wummin with her shopping and say the fare comes to £3.20 and they think nothing of giving you a fiver and telling you to keep the change sometimes you get the half boiled toffs to the west end or Bearsden and you get what we call in the trade a berry that means the bare meter and no tip.

There is no friendlier people in the wurld as Glasgow folk, there jist isn't. My furst time on a public bus after being away for yrs was such an exciting experience, only because of the great people at the bus stop who tryed to help me figure out the currency, I asked one person how much the bus fare was and within a minute six of them had their nose in ma purse trying to help me out, another time on the bus the driver said awk dont wurry hen aboot the money,,,,,jist sit doon! Now that sounds like my Glasgow, just love it !

Castle Rock was chosen centuries ago for a secure hilltop fort. Impregnable to attack and easy to defend with solid foundations. It was a fine and sunny June day. The lads were strolling on Princes Street Gardens with their wives. They had been warned not to give the ladies a showing up and to be on their best behaviour. They had crossed a small bridge and were walking along a pathway below the sheer face of the rock on which the Castle is built;

‘Look at the size o' yon rhubarb, Phemie, ye could make a load o' pies wi' yon,’ said Jessie.

‘A load o' pies, Jessie, a load o' pies, Jessie,’ said Phemie.

‘Loads o' auld hoarsies'’ dung, Jessie,’ said Josie.

‘You button yer lip, Josie,’ said Jessie.

The two happy couples sat down on a bench in the Gardens, people-watching and enjoying the sandwiches that Phemie had prepared, while gazing up at the magnificent Castle;

‘Josie, wis there a dungeon in the Castle, where they kept a' their prisoners?’ asked Francie.

‘Francie, knowing that ye would probably have a wee history question for me today, I have delved into my all-encompassing archives and have come up with the answer. Are you ready for your lesson, Francie?’ asked Josie.

‘Sure, Josie, sure, Josie,’ said Francie.

The Gardens were buzzing with people of all nationalities. Two little boys from one of the adjoining benches had heard Josie say that he was going to tell a story. A small crowd had gathered as Josie began;

‘The Scottish soadjers were haudin' a troop o' English soadjers captive. Employing them tae clean oot the hoarsies’ stables. The manure emanatin' frae yon big Clydesdales wis transported under cover o' darkness, because o' the smell, in a big wheel-barra' an' taken tae the Port o' Leith. It was put oan a boat tae be transported under its ain steam, to Dungkirk in France. The manure wis used tae grow yon enormous French runner-beans an' onions. It wis the joab o' two big burly Scots Guardsmen tae wheel the manure tae the docks at two o’clock every mornin'.

One o' the English soadjers decided tae try tae escape. He reckoned that if he could get tae Dungkirk, then he could easily get a ferry back hame tae Kent. He hid himself underneath the manure in the wheel-barra'. The Guardsmen came oot at two o’clock, they lit up a fag and then yin said tae the ither; 'feel the bliddy weight o' that barra', Jock. I don’t feel like wheelin' that load a' the way tae Leith. Let's dump it o'er the side.' They baith grabbed a hold o' a shaft, took a runner at the battlements, an' tipped a' the dung o'er the wall.'

‘Well, if ye wid jist let me finish this history lesson. It's said that if ye come doon here at two o’clock every mornin', ye'll hear the rumblin' o' a wheel-barra' an' the sound o' an English soadjer screaming, … Oh no, shit,’ said Josie.

I've always found Glasgow to be the friendliest city on earth. I can't imagine who considers Glaswegians to be miserable and moping. They've always been friendly, helpful and humorous as far as I'm concerned.

Ive just come back after visiting home, and stayed in Inverclyde, But was in and out OF Glasgow central everyday, and what a great cheerful week it was, best Ive felt for couple years as ive had health problems and I went Deaf, But you know that week back home in glasgow.

WAS BEST PICK ME UP IVE HAD in years...

So those who did vote yes, I think tey probably have home problems haha I joke....But I dont know what your saying, must be individual thing..

HiI have been a Glasgow taxi driver for the last 35 years and I sometimes get the half boiled toffs to the west end or Bearsden and you get what we call in the trade a berry that means the bare meter and no tip.

Coming from the part of Govan I was brought up in I can honestly say that the third world conditions I endured would would have made the angels in Paradise {not Parkhied you idiot} miserable. However the humour of the Glaswegians was second to none. I recall at age 9 in Dunvegan st. discussing with Jackie Patterson what we would do if we had a millyin pounds. "I'd buy 240 millyin penny carmels" said Jackie. Demonstrating his ability with pre decimal mathematics as well as typical Glasgow humour. No the conditions were hard and often miserable but we rose above that. No we soared above that.

My father, he was thinking of the time the famous Arthur Askey was booed of the stage at the Metropole, always said to make an Englishman laugh all you had to do was dress up as a woman. To make a Glaswegian laugh, you had to be good as everyone was a natural comedian. And to be a natural comedian being miserable just doesn't add up. Who listens to the English any way? That is a symptom of infectious terminal misery creeping into the lives of nominaly well adjusted Glasgow heid cases.

All material in the site Glasgow Guide is copyright of the Glasgow Guide Organisation. This material is for your own private use only, and no part of the site may be reproduced, amended, modified, copied, or transmitted to third parties, by any means whatsoever without the prior written permission of the copyright owner. All rights reserved.