“I’ve talked to the police and they say it’s cool.” Oh. My. God. Welcome to Herrrmerrn’s School of French Kissing for Dogs! Learn The ‘Stache Tickler, The Gentleman, The Full Schnauzer and…well, for legal reasons it’s probably best that you don’t learn the Gutterrr Perrrverrrt. Whoa.

Miley Cyrus has dipped her toe into political waters with a tweet calling our Rick “frothy mix” Santorum‘s ignorant and homophobic views on gay marriage. Coming along for the ride is hipster Mecca Urban Outfitters, for their contributions to Santorum’s political campaign. The singer called upon her fans to not […]

Bestiality — often misspelled “beastiality”, since that’s how it’s pronounced — is the act of having sex with an animal. It’s related to zoophilia, which is a paraphilia with a sexual fixation on animals. A good way to keep it straight is that if you’re a zoophile, you may commit bestiality. (But truthfully, usually people just use the words interchangeably.) Some zoophiles prefer the word “zoosexual.”

According to the Kinsey reports, 8 percent of men and 3.6 percent of women have engaged in bestiality — though, as with many of the Kinsey reports, there may be issues of sampling bias. Twenty years later, in 1974, a study was completed that put the figures much lower. Some of this may be due to the decline of the farming population, and some may be correction for sampling bias. The 1974 study put the figures at 4.9 percent for men and 1.9 percent for women.

When talking about the morality of bestiality, issues of consent lead the way. While animal psychology and mental processes have come a long way, we still can’t say for sure if animals are consenting or if they’re merely trained to accept this activity as “normal.”

Either way, the Unicorn Booty stance on bestality can be summed up simply as: Petting: YES! Heavy Petting: NO!