Therapist's Blog

As is made quite clear by my other posts I do care about the words used by people to express their feelings, ideals, and opinions. I know I don't use words perfectly myself but in my experience there is an innate understanding that the words we use often are not the expressions we are seeking.

Love and Judgement are two such examples. I have already done some work in explaining Love and the weakness we Anglophones place on such a powerful word by using one word to describe our feelings toward everything from spouses to pizza. The Greeks had the true capability to describe their love to friends, family, spouses, and those around them - philia, storge, eros, and agape, respectively, the latter of which we also completely misuse. Love is a service and to love someone is to be in that person's service, and they to your service, as love is reciprocal and productive.

None of the 4 loves that the Greeks understood and nothing that Aristotle and Greco-Roman philosophers would ever say is that loving a person means letting them do as that person pleases - with the very slight exception of the hedonists who believed that all should seek what pleasures them even to the expense and harm of others. Love builds up the person toward transcendence, nirvana, heaven, and whatnot - the highest ideals of the human being. Because of the sense of guidance that comes from love, it is expected that those from whom love comes will also point out where someone has erred.

There is, however, a thin line between love and judgement. To judge a person is to assume a higher status than the person being judged. It is possible to both love and show judgment but that is rarely what happens. We judge out of vengeance, fear, anger, and other self-interests which is contradictory to love. Judgment without justice - restoration or reconciliation - fails all parties involved.