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A tedious ramble through 28 hours of musical treacle:

This is an upsetting musical experiment from my twenties. Samples appear to include Dogma, The OC and Star Wars (or Star Trek? I invariably confuse the two). I’d wager I was fairly caned when I made it. I’d say “produced” but that implies a level of skill that escaped me.

An aborted college project (timed exercise) that ineptly injects Steve Irwin samples into the unparalleled lift-music palette of an Emu Proteus. Promising an uplifting finale that never arrives, it rightly received an E-. Sorry Steve, what a way to dishonour your memory.

About an hour of dodgy house I mixed at home in the late nineties or early noughties. The appalling sound quality is a good match for my technical inability and three-quarters of the tracks are extremely dull. Nevertheless, one or two summon a warm nostalgic glow, a reminder of a time when responsibilities were few and the spectre of mortality hadn’t yet appeared behind one’s shoulder. I miss my SL1210s and the confused faces of drivers on the M1 wondering why those ruffians are dancing on National Trust property at 6am.

The first track was part of this collection: thirty-four minutes of too-quiet film samples spliced over an embarrassment of electronic nonsense. Deserves to be sealed in a mausoleum for eternity. For novelty or amusement value only.