Mittens ObamneyCare is currently trying to win the hearts and minds of Southerners in Mississippi and, as we all know, nothing is more likely to endear you to a Southerner than some obviously fake, condescending carpet-baggery:

In Mississippi, Romney did try out some Southern charm, telling his audience he was “an unofficial Southerner.”

“I am learning to say y’all and I like grits, and things,” he joked. “Strange things are happening to me.”

Aw bless his heart if that ain’t just darlin’! Lookithat: Silver Spoons has managed to pinpoint exactly what the South is all about. It’s all grits and y’all. Heck, I wonder why he didn’t throw in a few references to inbreeding, cowboys and kids eating paint chips as well. Maybe he’s just trying to ramp up his Southern authenticity gently so it doesn’t look all fake.

Still got tar, feathers and rails handy out there in Mississippi? You might need ‘em. Show him something truly Southern.

speaking from beautiful Southern California (which *IS* below the Mason-Dixion Line, thankyouverymuch), Mittens needs to be drenched with molasses, then sprinkled with seed corn and left staked out next to a fire ant hill near a hog wallow…

that way he can decide which fate he wants to beg for… fuck that useless fuck.

i’ll vote for him on the twelfth of fucking never, and not a day sooner.

I’m pulling for Mittens at this point. It seems I must choose between him and Santorum and living in Pennsylvania I can’t get behind Rick if there is ANY other alternative. The way I see it record wise there really is little difference between the two and history shows that Mittens will suck up to the people who put him in office. Santorum will lie to your face right before stabbing you in the back. Add to that I don’t see Mitt going off on a religious tirade thinking it is his personal mission to save my soul. (No thanks RIck, I’ll talk to G*D on my own, if I don’t need the Pope to intercede on my behalf I certainly don’t need you.)

Yep Mittens is a useless, plastic piece of filth…. but I’ve given up on the hope of believing in my President. If he’s the best I can hope for right now then so be it.

He’s still a carpetbagging Yankee. And Obama is still a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure…

Preach it!

Oh, and it gets better. I just didn’t bother to extract this from that article:

The re-jiggered lines in Romney’s speech come a day after a campaign aide acknowledged the candidate was “working to establish a stronger connection with lower-income voters, with voters who are struggling.”

See, Mittens-bots, not to mention Mittens McFakeFuck hisself?

THAT’S THE EVERLOVIN’ FUCKIN’ PROBLEM WITH THAT ROADKILLED PIECE OF SHIT.

If you’re worth voting for, you don’t NEED to “re-jigger” or “establish stronger connections”, you just have to be your own damn self.

That constant re-tailoring, re-making and re-shaping your every damn word is EXACTLY why nobody with an ounce of brains, not even my grits-eating, y’all-saying, NASCAR-loving nephew Cletus, is going to buy word ONE of what you’re saying because we KNOW that you’ll speak through whichever side of your mouth your handlers have told you to speak.

An honest, honorable man wouldn’t even think about pretending to be something he’s not. An honest, honorable man will be who he is and if that isn’t what people are looking for, then he’d rather go down in defeat than ever consider playing a damn fool to make folks think that he’s somebody else.

The only thing that we DO know about you, Mittens ObamneyCare, “Let’s Not Say Anything Bad About Ogabe”, “Ogabe Is Really Not To Blame For High Energy Prices”, “I Was For A Government Mandate Before I Was Against It”, is that you’d gleefully crawl through Helen Thomas’ fly-infested, crusty, oozing labia if it meant you could claw your way to the presidency, and we’ve already got one of those. Kind of pointless to try to pick one clone over the other, if you ask us.

Honor, duty, integrity, G-d, country, honesty.

Google it, you slimy northern pansy prick. It actually means something in some parts of the country. Even more than grits and y’all too.

I always heard it “Bless his heart,” as the preface to a “but…” when you were about to insult someone for being stupider’n a possum.

I don’t want Romneyavitch OR Sanitarium as teh potus, but what I don’t want most of all is any more of the Gay Chupacabra. Whatever we do, we’ve GOT to get back Congress to an undefeatable level. We’ve got to get a sufficiency that we can impeach the Judges that it put in the SCOTUS as compromised goods. We’ve got to get some true Constitutionally intelligent sorts that will go through all the bullshit foist upon us and delete it.LC cmblake6, Imperial Black Ops Technician recently posted..High crime rates are a good thing?

That constant re-tailoring, re-making and re-shaping your every damn word is EXACTLY why nobody with an ounce of brains, not even my grits-eating, y’all-saying, NASCAR-loving nephew Cletus, is going to buy word ONE of what you’re saying because we KNOW that you’ll speak through whichever side of your mouth your handlers have told you to speak.

An honest, honorable man wouldn’t even think about pretending to be something he’s not. An honest, honorable man will be who he is and if that isn’t what people are looking for, then he’d rather go down in defeat than ever consider playing a damn fool to make folks think that he’s somebody else.

Now there is one of the critical things we must do. Our judiciary is the only remaining balance to an out of control congress and executive branch. Almost unobserved by the public in general, is that the left has been packing the bench for decades. The fact that should Ozero get re-elected, he’ll have a chance to finally tilt SCOTUS into a solid leftist bench, with a very good chance of two retirements in the next few years. With that accomplished there would be nothing to stop them from pushing through any and all egregious law making. Hell, the left can completely count on a leftist lower bench right now, the SCOTUS would be the finishing touch of a judiciary coup. The only non-violent remedy we have right now is to impeach the treasonous bastards, but personally I can think of a better solution pour les outres. Could be a real time saver yanno.LC Jackboot IC/A recently posted..Our most precious blood

“I am learning to say y’all and I like grits, and things,” he joked. “Strange things are happening to me.”

And strange things are happening to me too Mittens, like to urge to slap the shit out of you. Perhaps I should head on up to ole Massachussets and show off my phoney baloney yankee accent. I doubt you would appreciate that very much. Heck I do a hella good Brittish accent too…in my mind but I don’t think I would be welcomed with open arms if I took a trip to London and starting making fun of thier accents by dong a piss poor imitatiion of it.

I think I would rather have Ogabe calling us in flyover country bitter, and clinging to our guns and religion, than “faux” southerners like Shrillery and Mittens. At least we knew the depth of O’s contempt for us.

Oh yeah. Next thing you know Mittens will be sporting a NASCAR cap, swigging down PBR and declaring how some of his best friends live in trailer parks.

That’s funny. I don’t think Mittens will be able to pull off a NASCAR cap and if he ever tried a PBR he would probably get sick. Still that’s a funny image I just got in my head of Mittens trying to fit the NASCAR cap over his hairmet.
Mittens living in a trailer park wearing some overalls…now that is a mental image that made me laught so hard that my soda went up my nose.

Heck, I wonder why he didn’t throw in a few references to inbreeding, cowboys and kids eating paint chips as well. Maybe he’s just trying to ramp up his Southern authenticity gently so it doesn’t look all fake.

Sir, with all due respect… you forgot about being a regular on Cops getting arrested in a wifebeater talking about “b**** better not touch my cigarettes”.

P.S. Who is good with photoshop around here? I have gotta see the following.
1. Mittens in a wifebeater getting arrested.and
2. Mittens in overalls, carrying a pitchfork, drinking PBR while standing in front of a trailer park home.

If you or anyone else can do that you will be my bestest friend forever.

As for the rest, as my Uncle Clyde (with a genius-level IQ, thank you very much) drawled, “There’s nothing they think about us that’s half as bad as what we think about them.” And he added, “If I’d-a known it was gonna turn out like this, I’d-a picked my own damned cotton.”

Uncle Buck allowed as how the black folks are, you know, more prejudiced than the white folks. Heaven forbid that anyone should mention it.

Re Mitt: Let’s remember what Milton Friedman said about politicians [paraphrasing]: “Throw the bums out? It’s not about throwing the bums out, finding the ‘right man’! You’re not going to find the right man — they’re politicians. What we have to do is make it easy for the Wrong Man to do the Right Things!”

LC cmblake6, Imperial Black Ops Technician @ #:
I worked with a fellow some years ago whose favorite simile (your “possum” comment reminded me of it) was “Dumber than a two day old possum with a skull fracture”.

I hope y’all don’t get too offended when “y’all” slips into my speechifyin’. I was born a Californian, from Californian parents, but at age 10 I spent a summer with relatives from Oklahoma and bizzare but seemingly natural words like “y’all” and “crick” (creek) got into my vocabulary. Their use is like “either” or “Ither”, it’s just what feels right at the time. Ya know, there is no real thought about it. Dude.

Also, I’ll take a Stetson (straw or fur) over a baseball cap, I could care less about NASCAR, and the PAC-10 will dominate the SEC again.

Well, I guess his farcical drawl and temporary love of cheesy grits didn’t work for him. Third place bitch, you just got served. Newt is now the just in it to fuck over Mittens with a 2×4 wrapped in razor wire (fine by me, video please). A couple of months ago I was praying that this would go all the way to the convention and Palin would come in and blow the whole fucking convention up like a row boat in Tokyo harbor circa 1945.