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Monday, July 7, 2008

Monday, July 7, 2008

People, I’ve seen some bad cakes in my time, alright? Poor execution, bizarre subject matter, awful color choices - you name it. Still, nothing has ever made this baked-goods-addict put down her fork until today.

This looks like something the baker found moldering in an old shower, covered with fuzz. It's shiny, but lumpy. The brown and bile-green meld together just a little too organically - and is that a spot of acid yellow I see under the pile of green in the upper left corner? Speaking of which, what is that green stringy crap supposed to be? It’s just randomly plopped on in disgusting wriggly masses....

[averting eyes and taking deep breaths]

Urk. Ok, sorry - back to the commentary...

And that texture: short of applying the icing with a brillo pad, I don’t know how one would achieve such a pitted, uneven surface. Was there a shortage of spatulas? Of icing? Of people who can see colors? Sure, I get that this is supposed to be camouflage, but do the personnel at toxic waste dumps even wear camouflage?

I so love this blog! The commentary is hilarious!! I have to say though, that this cake really "takes the cake." This is really quite gross!! Do people actually pay money for this stuff after seeing it? This has got to be the worst one yet.

Am I the only one who sees a moldy sandwich? I really think they were trying to make a sandwich. You know, a sandwich cake. It looks like a sandwich, but it's a cake. It's like eating lunch but it's dessert. Brilliant, really.

I'm guessing the pits in the icing just mean old buttercream-- I worked at a "who cares if the cake is pretty, FASTER" supermarket bakery for a while, and ours got so nasty sitting out over 24 hours that a molten hot spatula weilded by Payard himself couldn't have gotten a cake to look decent. It just screams overworked, undermotivated supermarket decorator. I think I'd be laughing harder if I didn't see the misery so clearly.

... Oh, wow. I didn't even get that far. I read that sentence, did a double-take, went back up to look at the photo again, and thought, incredulously---"camouflage?!" But then, I can't imagine what else they could have been intending!

Here's the thing...I don't think this cake is iced at all. I think someone airbrushed the cake, THEN baked it. The only frosting is the stringy green stuff, which means that lovely pitted texture is the cake itself. Whoever "Trent" is, I'm guessing his therapy bills are pretty high. Thoughts?

I know how you get a texture like that. It's drywall mud. I tried to recreate that very texture when I mudded the bathroom walls. And it makes sense really, because as everyone knows, nothing says "I'm a man now!" like eating a cake frosted in Spackle!

So a friend sent me the link to this site tonight and i've been having fun checking out the photos. a few oh wows and man what were they thinking comments came to my head. but after seeing the spiderman cupcake cake, i started giggling. then i clicked on the link to the Government Issued Camo cake. and the commentary sent me into full blown laughter, i woke my boyfriend up. With out the comments these would just be some messed up cakes. It truly takes an artist to turn something that sad into something that hysterical, with just words. and btw i pulled a half a loaf of bread from the top shelf of my cabinet that looked just like that!

methinks the ... STRINGS (we shall call it this for our stomachs sakes)... are there to cover those um yellow stains. what other reason is there to put umm STRING on cake?

has anyone checked if this is a cupcake-cake? it seems to have those brown spots at regular intervals as if someone rubbed boot polish over all the lumpy bits (if my theory is correct aka the cupcakes)

Camouflage! It's camouflage. I see it now. Had you not said it I would have been here all night trying to figure out why in the world someone ever thought to try and make a cake that would in anyway resemble this monstrosity. Thank you. Now I may sleep tonight.

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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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