Pop Culture, Odd News and the occasional thoughts pouring out of Peter Anthony Holder's headplus The Stuph File Radio Program

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Photo Phollies #3 - The Mask Of Inclusion

Faux Stories From Real Pictures

Ludmilla Van Smoot was never an anarchist. On the contrary; she was a Young Republican and one of the Daughters of the American Revolution. She thought Dick Cheney was a left-wing pansy.

Her great-great-grandfather was Chester Van Smoot, who made his fortune mass producing leather subway straps for standing commuters. Her grandfather, Percival Van Smoot, quietly increased the family fortune by slightly altering the leather strap patent and selling a new variety to trendy overseas S&M clubs.

Ludmilla had all the trappings that the only child of Dickie and Muffy Van Smoot could ever hope for. Growing up she had three bedrooms in their spacious Southern mansion, and in each room, a pony. Life was idyllic.

But then it happened. Ludmilla hit puberty. With her growth spurt came the Van Smoot curse that had afflicted the family for generations. No amount of money, doctors, or plastic surgery could eradicate the hereditary strain of chronic acne that encased her face like crimson bubble wrap. As if that weren’t enough the scourge also travelled down her back to form an almost perfect depiction of the Orion Constellation.

She was conscious of her looks, never gathering with friends and staying in low light. It was a lonely existence, until she found Hector. Hector had no political affiliations. In fact he thought all government should be abolished.

Was Ludmilla really in love or was this just a passing fancy? She wasn’t sure. But she’d stay by Hector’s side, at least for now; or until her face cleared.

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