The Bugblatter Approach

I’m gonna have to revise my opinion about the UN. Those folks are brilliant. Geniuses, the whole lot of ’em.

Consider this recent news about Arab leaders not cooperating on the Sudan crisis.

Secretary-General Ban’s attempt this week to marshal international help for Darfur victims suffered serious setbacks as an Arab League summit Riyadh, as well as at the U.N.’s own Human Rights Council, declined to exert any pressure on Khartoum.

Mr. Ban, who visited the Arab League summit in Riyadh yesterday, told Arab heads of state that he expected support for a U.N. plan to send 20,000 troops to Darfur, where according to America, genocide is taking place.

When I read the bolded phrase I had this epiphany.

To the simple American mind, the fact that genocide is going on in Darfur is something we (arrogantly) think we can straightforwardly state. I mean, all the accounts, all the reports, all the pictures are right there for all to behold.

But this only reveals our doltishness and inability to think outside the box compared to those UN highbrows who use a more advanced and clever method when confronted with sticky problems, which I’ll call the Bugblatter Approach.

Daft as a hairbrush, the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal is arguably the most insanely idiotically dense creature in existence. It believes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you. Therefore, if you are faced by the horrid (yes, horrid, in spite of its intelligence, or lack of) Beast you should wrap your towel around your head (you do have one, don’t you?!)

The Bugblatter Approach then is to drape a towel over your head such that you cannot see the problem. In the case of Arab members of the UN, that would be a second towel over their heads (sorry, couldn’t resist it).

I’m sure you and I can think of many others who employ this clever and useful technique.