Series: Under the Surface – Ana’s 13 Reasons Why A series of posts uncovering what is really beneath my anorexia and depression. Reason 1: Genetic Temperament Traits Reason 2: Inheritance Reason 3: My parents’ marriage. And divorce. And remarriage. To each other. Reason 4: Genes load the gun. Environment pulls the trigger. Reason 5. Mama dies. As coincidence might have it, today is the day for Reason #5, which I wrote a long time ago: Mama dies. Today is also the 21st anniversary of her death. Mama was one of a kind. She had kidney problems from early in life,…

My mother passed away when I was 19 due to…well, it’s complicated. Kidney failure? Maybe. Liver failure? Maybe. A heart attack coming off her dialysis machine? Certainly. It’s not easy to lose your mama at 19. It’s not easy to watch your father lose his wife. It’s not easy to watch your grandma lose her daughter. Nothing about it was easy. But time passed, and I was okay. Not that I didn’t wish with every fiber of my being that she was still here, and had been present for my college graduation, wedding, pregnancy, and to see her precious granddaughter…