Sunday, January 04, 2009

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Deep inside I hurt - I hurt about how I don't feel socially together and that my social life is unbalanced. This may read weird, but it's a deep and complicated pain I feel - masked by laughter.

For 2009, I have to find a better outlet for my pinned up emotions. No one knows I hurt as bad as I do because all they see is a fun loving, positive thinking, happy go lucky woman - don't they see right through my fake smile? Don't they see my tears?

I get completely disappointed only to myself - I never show my true feelings - I'm invisible.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I have no choice. I am truly blessed that at this moment in time I do not have any health related conditions. I do not take medicine for anything for any reason and in order for me to stay that way....I needed to make some SERIOUS changes.

Last summer, when I was 34, I started Weight Watchers. I thought counting the points was easy. And I was TRYING to fit exercise into my schedule. I lost about 5 pounds. YEAH!!! At the time, I truly thought that was good progress....but then the WINTER set in.

AWWW, WINTER. I didn't get mixed up with eating around the holidays....I was eating EVERYDAY...regardless if it was a holiday or not. I will admit. I LOVE FOOD. Good food is...what...hell... GOOD. But good tasting food doesn't always mean it's good for you.

My goal New Year's Eve 2004 (before I turned 34) was to fit and trim by my 35th birthday. That would have given me a year to do the damn thang. And when I turned 35...I was no where near fit and trim. I more like beat down. I had to really begin to take stock and make some REAL changes.

So I in February, I did. And I don't give myself a hard time about it if I fall off track. February 20, I changed everything...and so now I am about 10 pounds lighter, but my body is shaping up differently. I have since joined World Gym and I actually feel good about execerising.

My challenge to myself is to do the Body for Life program, mixed with eating meals from Diet to go. I think between the two, I can make a difference in my mind, body and appearence....but more importantly....keeping me off any types of medications for the rest of my life.