Serious illness, like a black hole, draws everything into itself. Energy, creativity, enthusiasm, all the factors essential to blogging, are subsumed and nothing is left outside.

Which explains where I’ve been for so long. Not my illness, but the Hub’s. Now the waiting game has been replaced by action, for better, for worse. And so, in the middle of the night, alone in bed for the first time in 55 years, I find the courage to snatch some particles from the very mouth of that black hole.

Not my own words, I’m not strong enough for that yet. But I can share with you some powerful words of others that I’ve found meaningful enough to copy down and ponder over time. And share, for good measure, an image of beauty as well.

To begin, these words of Southern writer Eudora Welty capture exactly how I feel at this moment, and often:

“I am a writer who came of a sheltered life. A sheltered life can be a daring life as well. For all serious daring starts from within.”

No point waiting for the outer world to conform to my notion of what is needful. I will have to conform to the outer world as it is. (I’ll tell you, it feels daring to offer a new blog post!)

And here is a beautiful image for us to share:

Freesias, lovely to look at, even lovelier to smell (although I can’t share the scent with you). More fragrant than lilacs, sweeter than jasmine. Precious. Like the life of each of us.

29 Responses to Notes from Inside a Black Hole

You are indeed “strong enough,” my dear friend. For here you are, in the middle of a long night, reaching out to all of us to share your words, your story, and your heart – however brief or tentative you might think. We hear you! We feel you! And we love you!

Oh, my darling, my heart ached when reading your words. Please know that we love and care about you. We may seem like spectators at times but we have been drawn into the same path together and as we travel to our unknown destinations we look to each other for support, love and encouragement. This road can be quite treacherous at times, may it help that you have friends next to you. Lean on us for support as we love you in our own special way. “Whether or not it is clear to you, the universe is unfolding as it should.”

55 years together! Hope you do have many more. Life is not only precious, it is fragile and always, always ends with death. But I hope you will not experience this truth for a long time yet! My aunt married 1957, and that’s even a little longer than you have been. She once told me, she does not know if she will be able to cope should her hubby go before her. Neither of you really know how life is without the husband. That is an advantage as long as life lasts, and a huge disadvantage when it ends. One day it will. But I really wish you and your husband won’t see that day all too soon!

Oh Judith I’m so sorry. And your words resonate in such a personal way for me, going through a similar situation with my father at this moment. I understand the courage it took to do a post and thank you for writing it. Life is precious indeed. I’m holding you and your hubby in my thoughts and wish you continuing courage.

Thanks for the kind words, Karen. They mean more than you can imagine.
I wish you continuing courage on your journey with your father, and something else needful — stamina, endurance.
As the Quaker phrase has it, I will hold you both in the Light.

Judy – we were in India for past 3 weeks and even on my way out I had begun to think that I hadn’t seen a post from you in a while, so my heart skipped a beat when I opened WP today to see your headline and quite lurched to read your words “..alone in bed…”, but reading the comments it appears thankfully that atleast you both are still spared to us…
We are all on borrowed time anyway, with leases that all begin and mature at varying times, but still they are only leases…all upto the Grace of the Lessor!!
Praying that He be generous to us by letting you both stay with us, strong and happy for as long as possible,
Much Love,
Mercy and Jey

Judith, I am so pleased you reached out of your black hole but so sorry to hear your news. My best wishes to you both for better times ahead, enjoying the bright light of day and more peaceful slumbers at night.