Thursday, September 18, 2014

Hi everyone. *sets out a plate of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies* :) I know it's been a while! This last month has felt a bit like treading water for me. Lots of good and some confusion.

Writing my hubby's book really helped me put some distance between me and my past that I didn't realize I needed. After having to pull all of those memories out of me I guess I was kind of stuck with them. But even that was good, because some how writing them out diffused the pain.

I wrote the book to help other people, but now I can see how much it's helped me. If you've ever thought about writing out your past, I encourage you to do it, if this is the right time and season. :) There's no rush, if this isn't the right season.

I remember being scared to write Ghost No More out because I felt like I wasn't being forgiving. But finally I realized, it's just the truth, as best as I can tell it, not a blame game.

I was scared to face the trauma, from one end to the other. It was so difficult to write out. Of course, I'd shared bits and pieces with my friends through the years, but not all at once, not like this. Even when I shared with my friends, somehow I distanced myself from it, almost as if I were talking about someone else.

I was scared to feel the memories.

I was also scared to have it on my computer, in case my kids should for some reason stumble upon it.

My last fear stemmed from: "Don't tell anyone the family secret." I am a grown woman, and I had No idea how deeply rooted that rule was inside of me until the week before I published. Huge shame and fear hit me.
Most authors are happy when they publish.

I cried.

But now, blessed freedom!

So now I am wondering what I should do next. Just sort of spinning my wheels, thinking, and praying. Oh, and quilting. LOL I am sewing a quilt that I have thus far feel like I've sewn twice because of all the seams I've had to rip out.

Just want to say thank you for reading this journal, and sharing with me this part of my journey. I hope all is good in your world, and you are continuing to see beauty from your ashes.