Jul 19, 2010

Nirvana... Aha!

It was an unusual afternoon. She was wilting under the heat. The emptiness of her soul, lay visible to all who saw. It made no difference to her, that there were so many people around, probably staring, many wondering and some even understanding. At that moment, no one and nothing else mattered.

All she could feel was his harsh stare, the reality of him taking away something from her so important. The thought that with every stare of his, a part of her identity vanished was embarrassing her. Every glance of his, made her feel as if there was less and less of her remaining. Her dignity seemed to be vanishing with every passing moment. But she had nowhere to go, nothing she could do to somehow stop it. The helplessness was even more unnerving.

But she held on, she stayed put. She knew, if she could face this humiliation, she would indeed have her moment of glory. In her mind, it was not a case of “will she”… but more a case of “when will she”…. And suddenly she winced. But before that, nothing would remain, she thought…coming back to the harsh reality again!

A few months passed by. Every day seemed a battle for her. The days were long, the times were harsh. Every moment getting her closer to that which was now, inevitable.. There came a day, when nothing was left in her, but still he was there, trying to take whatever remained of her. Trying to make sure that she indeed was dead, and nothing remained. He was always there, she thought. Every day, in and out, he would be there. Suddenly she was comforted by that surety that he would be there when she got back at him.

And then it happened. Her day of redemption, her finale was here. She couldn’t see him. She knew he was there, as always, she smiled again! ‘Fine, hide all you want, but am going to love it today’, she smiled. Aah! the breeze again. The cool and calm breeze! She felt alive and happy. The harsh encounters of the recent months had left her bruised, hurt, empty and black, and now she knew she would be beautiful again! I shall be alive once more, she thought.

Suddenly it got real dark. The clouds made the entire place serene and calm. Their voice drowned everything around. But that voice was music for her, the prelude to a shocking climax. The lightning stuck as if heralding a change, a sweet victory for a ferocious little battle she had played a part in. And it rained!

She leapt at the first few drops of water that fell on her, absorbing it within herself. She wanted to dance, but knew she couldn’t. Her joy knew no bounds. She was once again re-united with the one and the only thing that gave her an identity, that which gave her a purpose, which allowed for her existence…. Her existence of being what she was. She was no longer barren, no longer devoid of water. She looked up and smiled. She knew that all was right for now, until he returns again! She stood calmly in the rain, brushing aside all thoughts, of him, of the battle which would return, of what had happened to her…. Everything! All she knew at that moment was that she was alive, and it was exactly for this, that she existed! Nirvana, she knew would feel just like this. And she smiled.

5 comments:

This is an incredible, complex, but also intriguing post. Your beginning pulls the reader in and keeps her there, almost rooted in place, like your character. I had two very different images flashing in my mind at the same time. That of a small plant, wanting to please the gardener, and the other of an abused woman, waiting for that moment of fruition when her true value is revealed.