Luciano: Readers bring the heat on a cold winter's day

As we await the season's last dumping of snow, readers dump a load of monthly fan mail lovingly known as Random Axe of Snideness.

Phil Luciano Journal Star columnist @lucianophil

As we await the season’s last dumping of snow, readers dump a load of monthly fan mail lovingly known as Random Axe of Snideness.

Another satisfied customer: You’re going back to your immaturity. I think it’s disgusting. You make a big ha-ha of things. You can do better than that. — Roxy

You don’t like the ha-ha? Then how about a hee-hee? Or a ho-ho? Whatever, never any ho-hum.

Bad penmanship: It’s long overdue for somebody to make you eat that pen of yours. — Jimbo

Golly, that doesn’t sound too healthy, Jimbo. And I’m not referring to myself.

Pass the want ads. Couldn’t you find something better to do? — Trixie

And miss out on all of this fun-filled interaction with loving readers? Perish the thought.

No business like snow business: Thanks for writing about lunatics who don’t slow down in their pickup trucks and 4x4s in heavy snow. I have a sneaking suspicion that your article won’t reach its intended target. — Janet

The targets were hit, just not in the brain. See Exhibit A, below.

Apparently, anybody can get a driver’s license: i drive a jacked up 4x4 because out here in the country if u dont have it a lot of times u cant get to town especially if the wind is blowing the snow all u city living prius pukes can suck my exhaust its a country thing — Jason

Just curious: is the inability to use punctuation — not necessarily correctly, just using it at all — also a “country thing”?

Not a Pryor-ity: As someone who has spent his entire professional life working in the performing arts, the only viable solution to keep the Madison Theater as a performance space is to rename the theatre as “The Richard Pryor Centre for the Performing Arts.” This would give national attention to the project, plus provide an opportunity for thousands of his fans to support the project through individual donations. — John

Interesting idea. But it’ll never happen. It took years just to get a tiny chunk of street named after Pryor.

No business like shoe businesses: Re the near-riot at Northwoods Mall by shoppers clamoring for new Air Jordans: The moral of the story is that the crowd doesn’t know how to handle themselves in public without embarrassing themselves. — Matthew

Ssh! Don’t warn lunkheads about avoiding embarrassment. Otherwise, there would be no Snideness columns.

Sweet cherry pie: Who cares about the shoe mob? Remember when the new Warrant album caused a riot at Sam Goody? — Toby

If you’re talking about “Cherry Pie,” I know you’re kidding, because I was there the day that album came out — and we Warrant fans were a peaceful throng. I bought a cassette, so I could crank “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” in my red, T-top Firebird. But no Air Jordans: I wore Rebook high-top pumps. Imagine all the awesomeness in that picture.

Well, it IS Friday: A piece of advice: If you can’t reach heaven, raise hell. — John

Thanks, bro. See ya at the next Marshall Tucker show.

PHIL LUCIANO is a Journal Star columnist. He can be reached at pluciano@pjstar.com, facebook.com/philluciano, 686-3155 or (800) 225- 5757, Ext. 3155. Follow him on Twitter @LucianoPhil.

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