You’re not leading a pack of sled dogs across the Alaskan tundra while surviving on sardines and ice water. You’re just going to the bar. Get over yourself.

The weather is changing but there is a certain someone I’d like to discuss before we all put away our jackets and exchange our jeans for shortpants — the “Real Man” who swears dealing with the cold makes him more masculine.

There are any number of “Real Men” in this world: Man Who Swears He Can’t Tell If Another Man Is Attractive, Man Who Drinks Whisky Even Though He Hates It, Man Who Only Orders Rare Steaks And Says Something Anytime Someone Else Doesn’t, etc. But none of them so ludicrously laugh in the face of nature as Man Who Pretends He’s Not Cold.

Bro — you’re cold. It doesn’t make you a pussy to put away the shorts after summer’s over. We’re all sorta designed the same way. My cold isn’t somehow your hot. There are slight differences but 25 degrees is hoodie weather for no one. It’s winter coat weather. So when you look me in the eye and say “Nah bro, I’m good” when deep inside your brain is screaming for a hat, gloves, and a day without sandals…you don’t look like a “Real Man.” You look like a red-faced idiot.

So this is a quick shoutout to all of the “Real Men” who consistently wear clothes for the wrong season and disparage sane people as pussies. Being cold when you don’t have to doesn’t make you tough. It makes you dumb. You’re not spying on Russians while camped on a snowy mountain range. You’re not leading a pack of sled dogs across the Alaskan tundra while surviving on sardines and ice water. You’re just going to the bar. Get over yourself.

150% my high school football coach/parking lot supervisor, only wore shorts in the dead of winter. And yes thats how respectable our football team was that in the offseason he spent his time yelling at kids who smoked pot in their cars.

plus, wearing winter coats out is so annoying because once you’re in the bar, now you’re hot and you have to take it off. Sometimes these places don’t have coat checks. In these instances you are just asking for your coat to be taken or forgotten.

It is common knowledge that rare steak tastes better. If you have ever been to a nice steak house, which I assume you haven’t, the chefs do not like to (and sometimes refuse) to cook a steak beyond medium.