What helps us to see that the concept of heaven begins within ourselves? Today, no matter what kind of day you are having, I invite you to seek joy. I invite you to bring some succor to those in need. I invite you to receive love. I invite you to become an agent of liberation, an angel of power, a harbinger of grace. The Gods can walk the earth: through us, with us, in us… as us. What will it take? We decide. We manifest. We draw down the light of inspiration, the light of connection, and it shines through our eyes, and hearts, and hands. It shines through word and action. It shines, and it abides.

We each have the task in front of us, right now. We also, together, have the larger mandate of connection, of reaching all the way into our darkness and bringing forth our light. We can re-weave the cosmos from our love, and with our daring. What is the work that you alone can do today, and what is the work that we can do together?

No martyrs here. We return to our own sovereignty. The earth is a beautiful place, despite the suffering.

“The thing that rants and raves and seeks, make it still. That thing that never moves, make it move.” – Koyote the Blind

I recently made another commitment to the cosmos to step up my responsibility and open further to power. As life has it, this also must include my time at the gym. I’ve got to be healthy to strengthen my will and must strengthen my will to become yet more healthy. Nothing in life is free from the soul’s desire.

This week, my trainer did some experimental work with me, because she sensed that my energy was giving out before my body did. So to the streets we took, alternating jogging, with push-ups on cement blocks, more jogging, triceps dips on marble steps, more jogging… You get the picture. Jogging along, I quipped, “In the Gospel of Thomas it is said that the Kingdom of Heaven is within… and therefore, so must be the Kingdom of Hell.” Yeah, I talk like that to my trainer. She puts up with me anyway.

Lately, I’ve been working on not complaining at the gym as a way of containing and focusing my energy rather than wasting it. So I forego the self-deprecating, funny comments or saying I’m going to die when I’m clearly not. Yet. I’ve been trying to act out the prescription in that quote above, which I just heard last night. It has indeed been helping, but my mind is still quick to go to “I don’t like this” or “I can’t do this” before I can see it, take a breath, re-center and shift my attention to something that feels more helpful. We all have our old patterns, and this is one of mine. Even after years of working to expand my capacity on all fronts, the diminishing of self and power still insinuates itself into my mind. So Wednesday, I slogged through the workout, engaging within, and then collapsing within, then re-engaging, then re-collapsing.

As we cooled down, she observed that she sees the strength in my body, can watch when I get a thought, and then sense my energy start to spiral down. “What does this tell you?” she asked. “That the mind is a powerful thing,” I replied.

I want to commit more fully to my life and to my soul’s task – the Work of This God – and right now, this includes committing more fully to my workouts. I have to bring all of my meditation and energy practices to the bench, to the rack, to the mat, to the street. That which rants, must be held in abeyance and taught to become still. That thing in me which never moves? It must. I must harness all of my years of magical training and set the slumbering bear into motion. As a magic worker, nothing is outside the realms of practice.

What has your mind convinced you that you cannot do? What limits have you placed upon your soul? What structures of practicality have you built around desire? How do you box yourself in?

Can we take one further step toward freedom this week? Can we support each other’s practice and desire? Can we not coddle our own weaknesses, but lend each other strength?

Be still, and know that you are God. Then take that divine impulse and run. Joyously.

I would like to write today about who we are, where we are, what we are.

Last night, the Philosopher spoke to the jam packed space of the venerable bookstore, soft voice rising just enough to be heard. Standing behind him, for there was no other room, I listened. His voice and being were invitations to Practice, so I did. I’ve sat with him before, in just this way, in small groups in a living room, listening to his voice, letting it take us somewhere within. Last night, I was standing. Aware of my feet growing weary on the wood floor, of my body needing subtle shifts of stance, of the energy flowing around my body, of my mind’s wish to simultaneously listen and begin to wander. I took firm hold and paid attention. Was in attention, at attention… was attention.

By the end of the evening, my body was filled with energy and focus. I felt grateful to the Philosopher, for his words and presence as much as his reminder, for I know he has practiced every day for at least 50 years. I know he has struggled. I know he has also sat with joy.

When we choose to show up, when we choose to commit, when we choose to step forward, when we choose to dive within, when we choose to practice, we help everyone around us. We re-member. Who we are, where we are, and what we are become a contiguous whole in those moments, no longer things at war. You’ve heard about “soul retrieval”? This sort of attention calls everything back. We gather our pieces and begin to truly build a soul. Begin to build a person who knows herself.

I could write much about last weekend’s Pantheacon gathering, but want to focus on one random event:

An acquaintance greeted me as I was moving from one thing to the next on my Pcon agenda (the state of most people at the con at any given moment). I paused to talk for a moment, enjoying the air on the promenade of the hotel before diving back into the lair. In talking about the energy of the Red God Revel that I orchestrated with several priest/esses on Friday night, one thing stood out. This person said that the energy was interesting because many of the people attending were not ‘serious seekers’, and were drawn there by my ‘marketing success’. I tried to explain that in a convention of 2,000 people, a 400 person ritual was to be expected and that people tend to enjoy the rituals people like Anaar, Morpheus, and I put on because they know they are usually well done, and that of course those 400 people would bring varied energy to the working.

Then I moved on to what was next on the day’s agenda, because that is the way things go. But the conversation stayed with me for a few reasons, the main one being that phrase, “serious seekers”. I think I know what ze meant by that, and we’ve all complained at various times about “party Pagans” and the like. But this weekend, I realize that I’m changing the tune to which I might sing this song.

What makes a “serious seeker” and at what point does someone cross that invisible threshold from casual to intense? As a person who is drawn to those with diligent practice who dedicate time and energy to their personal and spiritual quests, I comprehend wanting to celebrate with the like-minded. Personally, I’d rather be in a room full of people having what I consider to be smart and considered conversations – whether funny or sublime – than with people getting loudly drunk. My friends are all smart along with knowing how to have a good time. I value both qualities and want range and depth in my cohort.

But I’m not so sure that those “other” people at Pantheacon only want to party. I’m not so sure that those “other” people at Pantheacon are not seriously seeking. Perhaps they are seriously seeking. My sense is that their hearts and minds and souls are looking hard for something. Whether they’ve found the something that clicks with them on a more permanent level, I don’t know. But damn it, they are willing to try. They are showing up and opening to the energies at hand and saying, “yes, I may not yet be at a place where I’m practicing daily, and I may not yet have found a stable home in a tradition, but I am open to the power of the Gods and to the search of my own soul.” Their feet are on a path, whether I see the path or not.

We all have our own journey to the sacred within. Who am I to say that one person’s journey is less serious than my own? Trust me, I’ve done my own fair share of carping about people whom I want to respect but who’s methods, outlook, or “fruits”, I don’t quite understand or may even disagree with. But I simultaneously have to admit to myself that I simply cannot know the core state of their hearts and souls. Unless they come to me for advice, I simply must say, “their path belongs to them” and then decide whether or not I want to lend time and energy to that relationship or not. What I cannot do is decide definitively whether or not their search is “serious.”

For example, sometimes the serious is found in the extremely silly. Discordianism is not my cup of tea, but that does not mean that people aren’t changed by the powers of chance and the powers of laughter. Of course they are! Possibility is available in any moment. I happen to believe and experience that diligent practice helps us to be more present to these moments, but that doesn’t mean that serendipity can’t knock the unsuspecting on the head, particularly if something deep inside of them has longing for connection.

Which brings me to this: sometimes the serious is buried under systems of avoidance. These systems present themselves in varied ways: dilettantism, excessive partying, self-abnegation…. but that does not mean the seeker is not there, perhaps feeling trapped and alone, until some combination of events happens to break even one link of the chain that will begin the process to set her free.

Perhaps that happened this last weekend. Actually, I have no doubt that out of 2,000 people it happened for several. Maybe even at the ritual in question. Or while listening to a panel. Or in conversation in the hallway. Or during lunch. Or at a workshop.

I may sometimes judge the surface of your process, but I will try to never harshly judge what is at your core. For me to do that would be hubris. Besides which, I have my own process to take care of. As the wise, funny, and sometimes poignant Lon Milo Duquette said this weekend: “The best thing I can possibly do for all of you is to get my shit together.”

For now, I’m going to trust that we are all doing our best. Seriously.

The solution of the problem of life is life itself. Life is not attained by reason and analysis, but first of all by living. – Thomas Merton

How will we live today? What food will we eat, what conversations will we be drawn into, what words shall we choose, what actions will we make, or not make? What feelings arise, what stories start to turn? Do we feel our feet open to the earth and our skin open to the air and our hearts pumping blood? Do we sense the person or tree or silence in front of us? Do we sense the silence or anxiety within?

There are many ways to give off light and many ways to rest in comforting darkness. There are also as many ways to be emotionally blinded by either dark or light. What scares us? What intrigues us? What reminds us we are whole? Seek. Learn. Taste. Gaze. Choose.

If the Sacred moves through all things, all things are tinged with the essence of the sacred. Do we choose to foster that sense, or crush it? What in front of us right now is a miracle, a wonder?

The solution to the problem is that it is not really a problem. It is all this, simply: life. Pain, joy, grief, hardship, plenty. The sacred whispers here. Do we choose to listen?

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One action toward life I choose to make today is to send a package of warm clothing to the Lakota and Oglala people at Pine Ridge, and some money for propane fuel. They’ve been freezing all winter. Ice storms have knocked out power. Some of the elders have frozen to death. This is one of the poorest places in the US. They still need our help. Links for various places to send aid can be found here.

I recommend donating to the emergency assistance fund set up by the tribe that will be used exclusively for heating costs — electric, propane, fuel oil, and firewood. Donations in any amount can be sent to:

[edit: being a Californian, I realized I didn’t have clothing that would really make a difference, so Solar Cross sent a check for $120 which is enough to pay for a propane fuel delivery to a household.]