BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Famous felon Lindsay Lohan has reportedly asked for a rescheduled court hearing regarding her theft case. because tomorrow’s court date conflicts with – wait for it – Good Friday mass (snort!) . . . 18-year-old actress Demi Lovato has announced she’s leaving her Disney Channel sitcom “Sonny With a Chance” in order to ‘focus on her music’ (you’re gonna need a BIG magnifying glass!) . . . “Cougar Town” star Josh Hopkins continues to refute reports he’s dating castmate Courteney Cox but he does admit to thinking she’s ‘really hot’ (sleeping with and dating are two different things) . . . It’s been announced actress Jessalyn Gilsig will be back on “Glee” for the rest of this season as ‘Terri Schuester’ and will become a full-time cast member in the next season (is ‘Mr Schue’ going back to his witchy wife?) . . . 17-year-old actress Miranda Cosgrove has been accepted into both NYU and USC but has decided to postpone college so she can keep making $180,000-per-episode on her Nickelodeon sitcom “ iCarly” (seems she already has a degree in economics) . . . Actress Kate Hudson, who’s expecting a baby via boyfriend Matt Bellamy, tells “InStyle Magazine” there are currently no plans for the couple to wed (she’s waiting to see how well the next Muse album sells) . . . And 24-year-old actor Robert Pattinson says he and the rest of the “Twilight” cast are thrilled to be finished shooting “Breaking Dawn” because it was ‘exhausting’ (alas, a werewolf’s work is never done).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Arcade Fire – A deluxe edition of their Grammy-winning album “The Suburbs” is coming in June. The expanded version will include the Spike Jonze-directed documentary short, “Scenes From the Suburbs”, plus 2 previously unreleased songs.
• Beyoncé – Her new tune “Girls (Who Run the World)” has ‘leaked’ on the Internet. The song is reportedly the lead single from her as-yet-untitled 4th solo album, thought to be coming in June.
• Darius Rucker – He’s scored his 5th chart-topping country hit this week with “This”, the second single from his 2010 album “Charleston SC 1966”.
• Elton John – He’s returning to the Las Vegas Strip for another 3-year residency. His “Million Dollar Piano” show will open in The Colosseum at Caesars Palace September 28th.
• Jeff Bridges – The 61-year-old Oscar-winning actor who portrayed a country singer onscreen (“Crazy Heart”) has signed a real-life recording deal with EMI’s Blue Note Records. His debut major-label album is scheduled for release in late Summer.
• Mumford & Sons – Tonight they kick off their “Railroad Revival Tour” in Oakland, California.
• Toby Keith – He’s planning his 9th USO/Armed Forces Entertainment tour, a 12-day, 3-nation trek for which details are being kept under wraps due to security issues.
• Taylor Swift – She’s set a new record with 22.5 million certified digital song downloads, just ahead of Lady Gaga who could soon leap ahead thanks to “Born This Way”.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Gotti: Three Generations” – Victoria Gotti has let it be known she never insisted Lindsay Lohan play her in this upcoming biopic as was reported. That casting remains a rumor but John Travolta will for sure star as mobster ‘John Gotti Sr’ alongside Joe Pesci as ‘Angelo Ruggiero’.
• “How To Be Single” – Drew Barrymore is heading back to the director’s chair for an adaptation of Liz Tucillo’s bestseller. Barrymore is still deciding whether or not she’ll appear in the film, as she did in 2009’s “Whip It”, her directorial debut. Shooting is scheduled to begin this Summer.
• “The Lone Ranger” – Canadian actor Ryan Gosling (“Blue Valentine”, “The Notebook”) is reportedly in talks to portray the ‘Masked Man’ alongside Johnny Depp as ‘Tonto’. If true, they won’t be ready to ride off into the sunset until 2014, when the film scheduled to be released.
• Untitled Drama – Joaquin Phoenix (“Walk the Line”) is in talks to make his bigscreen comeback playing an alcoholic drifter alongside Phillip Seymour Hoffman (“Capote”) in director Paul Thomas Anderson’s as-yet-untitled period project about a mysterious faith.

SOMEBODY WROTE THIS?
If you attend sporting events, you’re familiar with the rallying cheer ‘Da-da-da-da-da-da charge!’ 62-year-old Bobby Kent of Pompano Beach, Florida is now suing, claiming he is entitled to compensation every time it’s used because he composed it as part of a 26-measure piece he titled “Stadium Doodads” in the late 1970s. Kent says he holds a copyright but has only been paid a fraction of what he deserves from the company that licensed the ‘composition’ to sporting venues for 2 decades. (We wonder if he also wrote that inspiring cheer ‘Go!!!!’)
– “Miami Herald”

DRIVE-THRU FUNERALS:
Need to pay your respects to the dearly departed but in a big hurry? That’s not a problem at Adams Mortuary in the LA ‘hood of Compton, California … it has drive-thru viewing! As well as traditional reception rooms for mourners, it features a covered and paved 12-foot wide drive-thru, with a long glass display window visible from the street. Mortician Scott Adams says ‘it’s a convenience thing’ as you don’t need to deal with parking, and you can sign the guest book outside so the family knows that you’ve paid your respects. (How appropriate in Compton: You can ‘drive-thru’ to see the latest ‘drive-by’ victim.)
– “Los Angeles Times”

ONE STONE, TWO BIRDS:
What’s being called ‘Mindful Walking’, or ‘Walking Meditation’, combines the physical benefits of exercise with the mental benefits of meditating. Here’s how to go about it …
• Lose the earphones and live in the moment.
• Breathe big, visualizing fresh air going in and everything that’s stale, old, and tired going out.
• Replace your regular mental swirl with a repeated phrase. Try the mantra ‘OM’ or a 4-beat phrase such as ‘moving, breathing’ or ‘I am healthy, I am healing’.
• Focus on every aspect of foot movement … lifting the heel, the middle of your foot, and then the toes.
• Walk in a circular pattern in a labyrinth or by repeating a short loop on a nature trail.
– Condensed from “Best Health Magazine”

HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP:
Tips on ways to make romance last …
• Make time for one another even during the busiest times.
• Even if you think you’re right, just let an argument go sometimes. It’s never worth it.
• Never go to sleep angry.
• Keep the fights clean … and the sex dirty.
• Buy two blankets.
• Don’t be an option when you should be a priority.
• Never compare your current to an ex or to someone else’s relationship.
• Never check their phone.
– Excerpted from Cosmopolitan.com

*F$@% THAT HURT!
Scientists at the UK’s Keele University have discovered that swearing after hurting yourself may actually be a good thing as it has a ‘pain-lessening effect’. It was discovered in experiments that study participants could keep their hands in ice-cold water longer if they immersed them while repeating a swear word, establishing a link between cussing and an increase in pain tolerance. The research team believes that may be because swearing triggers our ‘fight or flight’ response. (Alternative: If you stub your toe, hit your thumb with a hammer and you’ll immediately forget about it.)
– “The Independent”

POLITICALLY CORRECT, BUT STUPID:
A class project to fill little plastic eggs with jelly beans and other candy at a public school in Seattle, Washington will only be allowed if the treats are referred to as ‘Spring Spheres’ rather than ‘Easter Eggs’. That decision may seem idiotic but the school district is now supporting it, saying it complies with its ‘Religion & Religious Accommodation’ policy, whereby no religious belief or non-belief should be promoted, and none should be disparaged. (If they’d study their history, they’d find ‘Easter’ is named after the goddess ‘Eostre’ of Anglo-Saxon paganism. And the tradition of decorated eggs in Springtime predates Christianity by at least 500 years.)
– MyNorthwest.com

RUSH-HOUR PRESSING:
We first featured ‘Extreme Ironing’ in “The Bull Sheet” years ago. It’s the ‘sport’ in which people take an iron, an ironing board, and clothing to extreme locations, such as mountaintops or erupting volcanoes. Participants then proceed to neatly iron the items of clothing. So it’s perhaps not shocking that one ‘E-I’ enthusiast was recently spotted by a security camera ironing outdoors in his bathrobe. What’s unusual is, it was in the middle of Britain’s busy M1 freeway. Fortunately, it was in a section temporarily closed due to a fire. (This should be in the Olympics!)
– DailyTelegraph.com.au

DID YOU KNOW?
The average North American changes TV channels 117,000 times in their lifetime. (Have you got ‘remote thumb’ yet?)

BS CHRONOMETER 04.21.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [85] Queen Elizabeth II (Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Mountbatten-Windsor), London UK, British monarch BS FACTOID: The ‘Queen’s Official Birthday’ takes place in June each year. This year the ‘Queen’s Birthday Parade’ will be held on Saturday, June 11th.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Big Word Day”, a day to use humongous words on purpose just to impress yourself. So go ahead, you can facilitate this celebration of excess verbiage!

• “High Five Day”, an annual observance on the 3rd Thursday of April when we’re encouraged to freely exchange high fives without inhibition between all genders, races, social classes, and heights.
NET: http://www.nationalhighfiveday.com

• “Kindergarten Day”, honoring the 1782 birth of German educator Friedrich Froebel, who established the 1st kindergarten in 1837. (Thanks for all the finger paintings, Freid.)

• “San Jacinto Day” in Texas, the 175th anniversary of the day Texans won independence from Mexico by defeating the army of General Santa Anna at San Jacinto.

• “Teach Children to Save Day”, another way of planning for your retirement besides contributing to that constantly quivering mutual fund.