Contents

Cold Open

Jesus Christ, We're Starting?!

Brian played the nearly 5-minute Satan's Jizz video and, with no warning, started the show using the video as the cold open.

The episode started off with some standard travel stories and how both Brian and Justin are sick.

Austin Magician Stories

Brian got roped into doing a magic performance at a local magic club that gave him his start 60 years ago. The guys did some role-playing with Brian as himself and Justin as beginning magicians asking for advice.

Then Brian was reminded of a time back in the 90s when he was performing a trick in front of a big, hot shot booker. Die hard fans would find it interesting that also in the room was C.J. Johnson and Bonnie (before they were married or even dating). The trick involved Brian pulling a balloon through his nose and out of his mouth. While he was reaching into his mouth to pull the balloon out, Brian accidentally vomited all over himself and collapsed in laughter along with everyone else in the room. Brian and Bonnie then started dating and had three children.

YOU JUST GOT BOILED!

Patreon

If they reach 1776 patrons by the Christmas episode (two weeks from the time of this recording) they will put on a Piers Morgan vs. Alex Jones themed Christmas play featuring MikeTV. Also, they haven't told MikeTV.

Horseshit History

How many of you like Hardcore History? A lot of you? Apparently? I dunno. Well, Brian and Justin came up with their version called Horseshit History in which they both seriously begin retelling the story of some historical event, then ambush a caller from Chatrealm and have them say some random bullshit. Brian and Justin then have to continue seriously retelling the events incorporating into the story whatever the Chatrealmer said.

For the maiden voyage of the bit, they read the Wikipedia article for the Attack on Pearl Harbor. There were some awkward moments, where things didn't go so smooth, but hey, it's the first time they're doing this. Gotta iron out dem wrinkles!

Friendly Recommendation

Squarespace

Squarespace is the fast and easy way to create a high quality website, blog or portfolio. They've got some sweet-ass tools and templates to make some awesome websites without you needing any knowledge of HTML.

You can't write "SHIT" on a public library, but you can on a Squarespace.com website!

Diamond Time

If you want to submit your thing for Diamond Time head over to the weekly Diamond Time post on the DiamondClub subreddit. Instructions on how to format your submission can be found in the post!

Night Attack 3: Too Old To Talk

Our Lord and Savior Neshcom has confirmed with CDbaby, the release of Night Attack 3: Too Old To Talk on December 16th, 2014. The coordinated "let's all buy the thing at the same time" strike will be at 12 noon Pacific Time (3 pm Eastern Time, 2 pm Central Time, 9 am Hawaiian Time, 3 am Indochina Time). It'll be on iTunes, Amazon, CDbaby and probably other places too.

Go Home Santa, You're Drunk

Justin has updated his book of Santa-themed book of short stories for 2014. There's three new stories, but they're so long that the audio version is nearly twice as long as the original book.

Great Quotes

"I spent an hour gargling salt water and gargling balls of hobos and praying to Poseidon" - Brian

"It's really not that great of a story… It was literally the hardest time I've ever laughed." - Brian

Fun Facts

You may have thought that Justin just has an awesome soundboard, but in this episode Tensorguy played the part of the soundboard.

YouTube

Preshow & Aftershow

Since Night Attack is directly funded by the viewers, the preshow and aftershow videos are available to Patrons of the show ASAP and freely available 48h after release. If you're not yet a Patron of the show, then go to Patreon.com/NightAttack and pledge ANY amount!