Happy Day After The Holidays fellow WordPressers!!! :-) I can see that I’m not the only “happy after the holidays” kinda person around here, with the way activity is way up here on WP, and I’m suddenly seeing lots of folks today who disappeared about a week before the heartbreak and horror of Christmas. So congrats on making it back, disappeared ones! And congrats on surviving another holiday season without killing or maiming any of your relatives, or at least being able to post bail and get out of the slammer. I’m happy to see you again and I share your joy!

New Years Resolutions are a paradox for me. As opposed to a pair-a-ducks which is an entirely different matter. (Wow that was bad! sometimes I even shock myself, and not in a good way!)

Sometimes the ghost of Groucho Marx possesses me, and amuses himself by making me tell really bad jokes… Cut it out, Groucho!

But seriously – On one hand, intellectually I know that it makes no sense to think that just because the calendar suddenly says 2012 instead 2011, that I will suddenly engage in an orgy of successful self improvement. (I’d be happy with just suddenly engaging in an orgy!) But on the other hand, however illogical, it’s worked for me in the past, with varying degrees of success.

So yes, I do have a few New Years resolutions, because sometimes when something works for you, why ask why? They say to never look a gift horse in the mouth, especially if it’s one of those big wooden ones, and that goes double for me, cause I live in the Boston area and close enough to MIT, that the gift horse could be full of Geeks! (cut it out, Groucho!)

But now, doing the exact opposite of what I just advised, cause I do tend to be a “do as I say and not as I do” kinda guy, like just yesterday, when I emphatically advised my neighbor to NOT to sleep with his wife’s sister… because I wanted to sleep with his wife’s sister… I’m going to go and look that gift horse in the mouth. And if a bunch of annoying geeks from MIT come tumbling out, I’ll just tell them that Apple just pulled a surprise release of the latest iPhone, and give them directions to the nearest Apple store. They’ll all be gone with the wind!

However illogical, making a few New Years resolutions (not a few hundred – cause that’s where some folks go wrong) often does work for me. Why? Because once a year, the holiday season causes me to go Bi-polar, and I don’t mean I become an Eskimo who goes both ways. (cut it out, Groucho!) I get irrationally depressed the week before Christmas, and then equally irrationally euphoric for a week to ten days after Christmas. So I figure, why not make all this irrational euphoria and exaggerated optimism work for me, by committing myself to making some moderate progress with some self improvement?

It’s kinda like having someone help me get a running start in my “Red Green” K-car conversion Go Cart. (Red’s a funny guy from north of the border, and he was making me laugh a lot on PBS the other night) The initial push forward won’t last, but it still might just get me somewhere, cause it has before, so it’s always worth a try.

Don’t laugh… Red is a true genius when armed with a roll of duct tape and one of the worst American made cars of all time!

So what are my 2012 New Years resolutions? Aaugh hell, I’m not gonna go and bore ya with that sort of thing… In fact, why don’t we just close this one out with another tip of the hat to Red Green, by saying “The Man’s Prayer” (ladies, you can say your own prayers for the men in your lives – and I’m sure they’ve driven you to it before.)

OK – ALL RISE! Please be seated… Guys, it’s time for the Man’s Prayer, and since we’ve been talking about resolutions and self improvement, now’s a good time for it… Everyone bow your heads please.

I’m a man… but I can change… if I have to… I guess… Amen

Well now that that’s over and done with, so is this post. But as Red Green would say, “Guys, if ya can’t be handsome, at least you can still be handy” Keep your stick on the ice, and have a good night.

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About Chris Sheridan

I’m a 56 year old guy who is young (and immature) at heart, and I love humor and laughter. Married for 22 years, but still enjoy all the glories of womanhood everywhere, even while dedicated to one woman only - and I hope my wife never finds out about her!

We’re just crazzy as hell around here, David. But we sure do have a good time! (except for when we get caught) Thanks for stopping by and enjoying my post. Cause when you laugh, I’m a happy camper! :-)