Are you Troll bait?

11 January 2013, 10:05

Not all trolling is evil and not all trolls are equal.

Every now and then I write an article to engage and spark off debate. I do this by picking a subject that might put a particular type of reader on his or her back foot and inspire them to either defend their position or attack mine.

I then prod them in the comments section to keep responding. It is both fun and interesting to see the different levels of response and I shall dedicate this article to my own categorization thingies.

My two favorite types to troll are Atheists and Capetonians. Afrikaners and Muslims are a big no-no because medical insurance in South Africa is not that great.

I note Christians falling for Atheist troll articles all the time and many others falling for trolls in the comments section of very sad articles (like death and whatnot) so let's see what category you fall into:

Note: Troll bait level will be out of 10.

1) The Noob

Troll bait level: 10

The noob falls for anything, clicks any link, wins fake lotto and ipad competitions and just generally gets owned by any troll out there.You could say "Hi, I'm a troll and all Capetonians are Atheists" and they would come storming in like mad Impi. Atheists would attack you for whatever is on your facebook page and paste something from some obscure website and Capetonians would defend that rocky hill like it was Amajuba!The noob has no clue that the whole thing is a prodding exercise and completely commits itself to prove you wrong, which is very entertaining in many cases.

2) The Trash

Troll bait level: 15

This is just an all round horrid piece of work who has decided that the world revolves around it and has no restraint when it comes to flaming (insulting) on personal levels. This creature is so low that it has been rumored to be able to communicate with the ghosts of Hitler, Bin Laden and Bieber!

It is a great pleasure trolling these vile entities as they usually end up with deleted comments and lifetime IP bans from forums. Their opinion smells so bad that you could find them in a sewer by sniffing them out!

2) The Counter-troll

Troll bait level: Minus 10.

This is basically a troll who knowingly accepts your challenge and tries to pull you in to it's own turf by getting personal or quick firing so many questions that only the noob would attempt to answer. Generally Atheists like to do this (they aint gonna read your answers anyway noob!).Capetonians aren't very good at this and Afrikaners prefer to send you camping (if you like oxygen tents). Christians try this sometimes but it's kinda against their religion to get nasty (although that doesn't stop some) and they are out of their league in no time. Atheists basically base their entire religion on counter troll techniques.Note I did NOT mention Muslims.

3) The Amicable saint.

Troll bait level: 3Generally all round great people who neither respond to trolling in real life or on the internet. Getting them to be offended is very difficult because they are just naturally mature. They might disagree with you but always communicate their thoughts with the utmost respect.The bitter and touchy bunch usually respond with the same gusto as the noob but the amicable saint cannot be dragged into a fight. They are peace makers and peace keepers. Just all round awesome people. A saint commented on my latest Cape town article and I was forced to offer to share my potjie with her. Made me wonder if I had been wrong about Capetonians but then another came at me for mispelling 'potjie'...

4) The Internet Guru.

Troll bait level: Zero.

This person is usually very mature or simply aware of all things internet. They mostly play along with you and have a good time, treating the Noob like a Nerd at a frat party. The guru is particularly famous for choosing sides according to how the amicable saint is treated. Touch a saint and the guru will be all over you like white on rice!Push the guru and you'll end up watching Rick Astley videos all day and wondering how your number ended up on dating sites.The Counter troll has the potential to be just as dangerous when pushed but generally counter trolls are not the brightest bulbs in the shed. They tend to be shoe gazers who listen to music with angry lyrics and like to prove their worth on the battlegrounds of forums.Gurus have nothing to prove, they view the internet as a source of entertainment and information and treat it with great respect.So there you have it.

Ever been trolled? Have a particular bunch you would like me to engage in debate? Spill your guts noob!

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