The Works of Andrew Perron (and Selected Others)

Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade that will Probably Never Have an Ending #1

Net.ropolis —
LNHHQ —

It all started in the LNH lobby around the time that Self-Righteous
Preacher was yelling at Bad Timing Boy. Self-Righteous Preacher and his
congregation of followers had just left one of the LNH's assembly rooms
and were making there way to the lobby to have some refreshments. And
around that same time Bad Timing Boy walked into the lobby too. One of
Self-Righteous Preacher's followers — a very old lady — looked at Bad
Timing Boy's T-shirt and foolishly read the words on the it. The words
on Bad Timing Boy's 'God is Freaking Lame!' T-shirt. The very old lady
was very shocked by these words and passed out.

This led to Self-Righteous Preacher giving Bad Timing Boy a very long
rage filled lecture about how God was NOT Freaking Lame as well as how
Bad Timing Boy should read the Bible so he didn't spend an eternity
burning in Hell. The various followers of the Preacher all gave Bad
Timing Boy very dirty looks as if he was the Anti-Christ. As the
Preacher continued preaching — Bad Timing Boy thought to himself, Boy,
I really, really should have picked a different shirt to wear today!

And as this happened, a burst of purple lightning crackled its way into
existence in the center of the lobby. And a woman emerged from the
purple lightning. A woman with white hair and a white eyepatch covering
her left eye. "It worked! I made it!" she said scanning the world
around her. And then she spotted the Self-Righteous Preacher. And she
rushed towards him and gave him a big hug. "It's you! You're alive! I
never thought I'd see you..."

Self-Righteous Preacher wrenched himself free the strange woman. "How
dare you! How dare you try to engage me into some kind of premarital
huggery! Me — a man of the cloth!!" The Preacher pulled out a cross
and used it to ward off the woman. "And wearing that! Have you no
shame young lady! Exposing your naked belly button for all the world to
see!! What would your parents think of that outfit! Shameful! Very
shameful!!"

"Oh!" said Non-Judgmental Agnostic glancing at the white midriff shirt
she was wearing. She quickly covered her belly button with one of her
hands. "I didn't realize that exposing your belly button was taboo in
this era! Guess I should have done some research! Sorry about this.
I'm from the Future."

Self-Righteous Preacher sniffed his nose with disgust. "No excuse!
Read the Bible!!" He handed her a Bible.

"Oh, thanks!" she said with a very grateful expression on her face.
"I'll be sure to do that!" She looked at the Preacher. Part of her
wanted so badly to tell him that she was his daughter. But she knew she
couldn't do that. That wasn't why she was here. Besides considering
the insane method that had brought her into existence — how the
Preacher was actually her mother and WikiBoy was her father due to some
LNH prank that made WikiBoy a Holy Spirit who had impregnated the
Preacher — she was pretty sure he wouldn't want to know those details.
[See JONG #69 for more about that — Ed.]

No, she had another mission here. But what was it? Her mind was still
cloudy from the time jump. Contraption Man had told her one of the side
effects of time travel might be memory loss. This was no good. By the
time she remembered it might be too late to stop whatever she was trying
to stop. Maybe one of the LNH scientists in this era could help her
remember.

+++====+++

The LNH Coma Ward —

In one of the many beds of the LNH Coma Ward, a man slept away. He had
been sleeping for a long time. Ever since 1994. He had been a
superhero — an LNH'r. It had been the night after the Valentine's Day
Ball. He was having trouble sleeping and was looking for a snack to
eat. But something strange was happening. All of the LNH'rs seemed to
be in a drugged state. As the hero investigated what had happened, he
discovered vacuum cleaner talking to one of the monitor screens. It was
some kind of a plot to destroy the LNH. The hero tried to stop the
vacuum cleaner before it could do whatever it was trying to do and there
was a big battle. And then there was blackness. And then it was 20
years later.

The hero's eyes opened. The hero named Foreshadowing Lad.

And beneath his bed a crack began to form.

+++====+++

Elsewhere —
An underground bunker —

Men in camouflage outfits gazed into computers spewing out all kinds of
data. A number of computers began to beep. "It's another one!"

"God. Not again," said a man who appeared to be the commander of the
group. His name was Reed Reedly, and he was the head of this
LNH-Readers-Who-Are-Sick-To-Death-With-These-Damn-Neverending-Events Liberation
Front cell. "Don't these damn Writers know that RACC can't handle
another Multi-Writer Cascade?! Don't they?!! There are just too many
unfinished ones!!" He looked at one of the images on the screen that
showed the effects this new cascade would have on RACC. Cracks were
beginning to form on RACC as the weight of all of the unfinished
cascades were beginning to take their toll. "It's going to cause it to
break!! RACC's going to break in half!!!!"

"What's that mean for us?" asked a man next to him.

"It means that since the Looniverse is the center of RACC — it's going
to break in half. And since the Loonivearth is the center of the
Looniverse — that's also going to break in half. And since Net.ropolis
is the Center of the Loonivearth — you guessed it. It looks like the
LNHHQ will probably be the point where the cracks begin to appear."

"But this thing — it's still a Category Single Author work — right?!
As long as no one writes an issue two to this — we'll still be safe,
right?"

Reed Reedly nodded. "That's true. Hopefully, for the sake of RACC
every RACC Writer will completely ignore this cascade and there won't be
an issue two! Hopefully!!"

+++====+++

NEXT: Will all the Writers on RACC ignore this cascade so that it won't
cause RACC to break in half?