16 March 2006

I used to be a manager at a pizza restaurant when I was in college in Raleigh, NC...or, more correctly, during the few years I took off from college. Unfortunately this involved working until midnight or later on weeknights because our restaurant stayed open until 11pm. Let me take a moment to remind you that in Raleigh, 11pm on your average weeknight is not exactly high volume time for delivering pizzas. In fact, you could pretty much count on the fact that there would be nobody ordering pizza after nine, nine-thirty at the latest. Given that I tended towards the "I'm your friend" school of management, I generally would let the person who was on the clock as the delivery driver go home early on slow nights. It was just better for everyone involved if they got to leave early and I got to start closing up shop. If an order ever came in after 10pm, which probably happened only 5 times during my two years there, I'd just lock up, make the order and deliver it myself. One time when I did just that, I heard New Order's "Temptation" playing as I walked up to the customer's apartment.

I got the call at about 10:45pm. Fifteen minutes before closing. This is a big restaurant customer faux pas, to push the boundaries of the hours of operation by placing an order so close to the closing time on a random Wednesday night, but I was actually in a good mood and didn't mind getting the call. Of course my delivery driver was gone and, of course, the guy calling and trying to get a pizza was slightly, to fully, drunk. Good moods quickly turn to bad when you're at the end of your work day dealing with drunken customers. Turns out this guy also lived outside of our delivery zone. Still, feeling sorry for him after hearing about how no other restaurants would deliver to him I took the order and set off on the delivery mission.

As I was saying, I could hear New Order playing when I was walking up to his apartment. It was "Temptation", a song I've always loved. One of the first New Order songs I ever fell in love with in fact. I rang the doorbell and he showed up at the door spilling wine as he greeted me. He was a short guy in his early thirties, well dressed with a big smile. "Nice music", I said. "What?" he replied, unable to hear me over his own stereo. "I love this song, New Order is great" I explained again. "Oh yeah, I just got this CD from a friend today" he said, now smiling an even wider smile and looking at me all sloppily, "my friend said I should start with this song in particular". "He's right," I thought. Then the drunken customer handed me $30 and said to keep the change. He seemed proud that he was giving me such a large tip and I walked away happy and ready to get home.

Once back at the restaurant I heard the phone ringing as I unlocked the front door. We were well 'officially' closed by this point and my only intent when answering the phone was to say just that. What I heard when I answered the phone took me off-guard. "Hey, this is the guy you just delivered pizza to..." I readied for a drunken complaint, "I wanted to know if you wanted to come over for a drink" the voice on the phone slurred. As naturally as I could, I replied "Oh, no thanks, I actually already have plans". Without saying anything back to me, he hung up. I was still a bit taken a back and the phone rang again. Still in work mode I answered, "I'm sorry we're cl..." the drunken voice interrupted as he sang along with "Temptation" playing in the background, "I nevler mmet anyone quitelike youb eef oar". Without saying anything else he hung up the phone, never to call back. Not that night, or ever again. I was definitely creeped out, but ultimately he seemed harmless. At least, it wasn't the scariest late night call I got while working the pizza job. No, that honor belongs to the screaming redneck lady. Of course, that's for another time, another song. Still, trust me, "Temptation" is a great way to be introduced to New Order if, by some magical twist of fate, you've never listened to them. Makes for good music when you're drunk too.

one time i was delivering pizzas for papa john's in laramie, wyoming. we had a policy of not accepting checks without a SSN printed or written on there. i had to explain this to an angry dad once who was definately drunk and probably a hunter. i tried to tell him several times but he said he was taking the pizza, i could take or leave the check. keep in mind this was on the outskirts of town and i doubt anyone would find my body. i accepted the check. then when i got back to papp john's his wife had called to apologize.

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