The Guide To A Perfect Care Package For A Soldier

If you aren’t aware (and if you aren’t, you’re a communist), 4th of July is right around the corner. If you’re anything like me, you’ve already started planning your trip to blackout lane. It is important, however, that we bear in mind the reason we are able to celebrate our independence, which is, of course, the men and women in our Armed Forces who are putting their lives on the line every day in foreign and hostile areas of operation. Unfortunately, these men and women who deserve to celebrate the 4th of July the most have little to no opportunity to do so. A lot of us have brothers and sisters who are currently deployed overseas. With that in mind, I got together with my roommate, SGT W, who is Active Duty military and a veteran of Operation Enduring Freedom, and we came up with the guide to a perfect care package.

Snacks

SGT W:

Over there you really don’t have access to the food you are accustomed to having at your fingertips back home. You can’t go down to the local store and develop some form of mental paralysis due to all of the food choices that are in front of you. Some days you just wake up craving something that’s very specific and very far away, and then you realize, “Well shit, I won’t be tasting that for a long ass time.” And then you dig into a wonderful MRE (Meal, Ready-to-Eat). If you haven’t had the pleasure of living off those for weeks on end, you don’t know what you’re missing.

When I first sent a care package to SGT W, I made sure to include all his favorite snacks. Mainly his favorite beef jerky (Robertson’s Beef Jerky to be exact), along with the hard candies, sunflower seeds, gushers (apparently that shit is gold over there), etc. You know what your buddy likes to snack on, so I’ll leave most of the decision making up to you. If you need recommendations, don’t hesitate to ask them what they want. Let’s just make sure our American soldiers are eating American snacks and not some weird camel jerky or whatever it is they sell over there.

Hard Drives

My buddies loaded up a 1.5 terabyte drive with enough movies and TV series to last me for years. It was and still is one of my most prized possessions. The novelty of watching camels fuck wears off after the first few times, or weeks, depending on what you’re into. So having a loaded hard drive is truly a gift from the heavens.

Aside from the bootleg videos that look like they’ve been shot on a 1920s camera, our brave men and women don’t have much when it comes to entertainment over there. So, grab an external hard drive and load that puppy up with all their favorite movies, and then toss in a pleasant surprise with a few hours of porn.

Memorabilia From Home

When going out, my friends got into the habit of procuring “souvenirs” from my favorite bars and sending them to me along with the usually James Bond-esque stories that were involved in the heist. It really meant a lot to me to know that even though I was half a world away, in some way, I was out with them. The fact that my room was decorated like your typical favorite local watering hole was pretty badass, as well. It also served a dual purpose, but I’ll get to that later.

The men and women overseas can obviously get a little homesick and love when you include some items that’ll remind them of home and let them know you were thinking of them. When I sent out my care package, I made sure to include a Texas flag along with some things that happened to fall into my possession when going out. If a moscow mule cup magically makes it home with you, or a neon shiner sign, be sure to include it in your package with the other things that will remind them of the good ol’ US of A.

Tobacco

If you were lucky enough to live on or near a base with an AAFES PX, you’re an asshole and are probably the reason all tobacco products sold out as soon as they arrived. Nothing is ever fresh over there, but even a month’s old can of Copenhagen was a highly valued commodity. Let me tell you, when you haven’t had a fresh dip in three or four months, it is better than Christmas when you get a care package with a couple of properly prepared logs in it.

Contrary to popular belief, it is actually legal to send tobacco products to soldiers in APOs/FPOs. There are certain restrictions on it, so if you don’t feel like jumping through all the red tape, you can always risk it and just not declare the tobacco on your customs form. The properly prepared logs SGT W is referring to is a wonderful tip to keep cans fresh and more flavorful for long periods of time. Get a bottle of Maker’s or Jack, and add a few drops to each can. It keeps the dip moist and adds a nice kick to get a little buzz, then just tape the cans back up and you’re good to go.

Beverages

Energy drinks are basically worth their weight in gold over there. Very limited supply with an extreme demand. A very interesting economy exists while on deployment. There’s basically a black market. If you’re sitting on a sizable stash of Red Bulls or 5-Hour Energy, there isn’t much you cannot barter for, like alcohol for example. According to General Order 1b, alcohol is strictly prohibited. As we all know, though, rules are made to be broken. There are various methods you can use to acquire alcohol while in country, unfortunately I can’t relay those in such a public forum in order to preserve the viability of those methods. I also cannot admit to ever drinking alcohol while in country, but I will say the fact that my room looked like a bar was not purely for decoration.

I’ll start off with the non-alcoholic beverages. Include some favorite drinks they can’t get access to, such as sweet tea, energy drinks, lemonade, etc. Not only will they enjoy wetting their whistle on an American product, but they could also use it in a mixed drink…which brings me to alcohol. They don’t have access to the nearest Specs and everything it has to offer (which is a lot by the way). We think we have it hard after a long day of class, just imagine how bad they could use a drink after a tough day of kicking ass and taking names. You’ve got to be creative in your shipping methods, though. If anyone would like some tips, hit me up on Twitter. I’d gladly help out those who have no idea how to ship alcohol across seas.

I was incredibly blessed to have unbelievably supportive family and friends. I even had random strangers sending me stuff. It’s hard to explain how much of a morale booster it is receiving care packages. As much as you guys appreciate what we do over there, we equally appreciate any and all the support we receive from back home. It doesn’t matter really what is in the care package, just the fact that someone took the time to gather some stuff together and go deal with postal workers means the world to us. It’s a perfect little reminder of why we do what we do. God bless you guys for all of your support for the troops, and God bless America!

While we are out throwing back cold ones and grilling meat, let’s take a little time to provide our soldiers with a little piece of home on this wonderful holiday. If you do not have friends or family serving our country but would still like to help out and create a care package, sign up for the Adopt A U.S. Soldier program. Also, if anyone reading this is currently deployed and you have any more recommendations, leave them in the comments below. God bless all of you who are serving and I hope you all get back home safe and sound very soon.

I’ll never forget my second deployment. I was in Afghanistan for this one and we were in the middle of fucking nowhere. We hadn’t seen mail in several weeks. Then, all of a sudden, a C-130 landed around supper chow, loaded with tri-walls of mail. It was the 4th of July and I had been experiencing my own fireworks for the day. But seeing that plane was a God-send. I grabbed my postal card and a truck and drove to the post office to sort mail. That night, I got all of my mail back to my own mail room and kept the mailroom open until 10 PM handing out care packages and letters and packages from loved ones to our Soldiers in my unit. I’ll never forget that day. Even my Texas Monthly arrived that day. Grown men got wide eyed when they opened packages to find picture of kids, letters from fraternity brothers and even simple snacks like jerky and pop tarts. I think a couple of them even got a bottle or two of booze. It was like Christmas morning. In a land of such seriousness and unhappiness, it was great to see the look on the Soldier’s faces when they got their mail.

Actually got mine into Afghanistan, however, they are extremely high maintenance. Some good lotion (I prefer Suave lavender), and terabyte of milf porn would last you awhile. If worst comes to worst, you can turn an empty dumpster or porta-potty into your own little stabbin cabin with that Air Force chick from the hospital.

When sending care packages to a Marine buddy of mine while he was deployed, I made sure to include a few Playboys or other such magazines. As an enlisted Corporal, he found them to be great bartering tools.

I had a buddy deployed over in god knows where, Iraq and he used to ask me to send various seasonings and spices for when they are able to cook out. Also he said hot sauce was liquid gold around his base, so I bought a variety pack of Louisiana hot sauce alogn with an industrial size of Frank’s and sent that off to him.

Sometimes it’s the small things we take for granted that is a huge game-changer over there. God bless out troops!

I have a uncle who’s a dentist and he would send packs of these special metal dental picks to my cousin in Afghanistan – apparently they were extremely valuable because they were the best way to clean grime and sand out of an M4.

Great article, but quick addendum (speaking from experience): none of this applies to soldiers serving in first-world countries like Germany or Korea. We get EVERYTHING, whether on our base PXs or out in the cities we’re stationed in. From American tobacco to American booze to In N’ Out Burger (there was recently a pop-up in Seoul), we get everything. If you’re sending a package to someone in one of those places, don’t waste space with edibles and throw in memories from home. That’s something you can’t get anywhere in the world.

I went through this organization over the holiday season. The ladies who run it got me set up with a deployed gunny sergeant over in Afghanistan. I packed one of those flat rate USPS boxes to the gills with loads of stuff from Target. Shaving items, beef jerky, movies, chef boyardee, instant coffee, chewing gum, grinds coffee pouches, newport cigs. Basically anything you think these guys could need is all greatly appreciated, and even if they don’t have a specific need for an item it can and will be used as trade bait for something else.

My mom started a group while my brother was enlisted that sent care packages to about a hundred local deployed troops every few months. Homemade cookies were always HUGE. You can pack them in Pringles cans to help keep them whole while being shipped overseas. We would wipe down the insides of the cans and use Saran Wrap to wrap 2-3 cookies together then fill the entire can. It helps to recruit moms/grandmas/sorority girls to bake.

Having been on a remote patrol base, include a shit ton of crew length white socks. Technically not allowed, but away from the brass no one gives any fucks.

If your buddy smokes Marlboro Reds, send some even if they have a PX. All they carry are British Reds and those are shit. Unfortunately I know from whenever we could get a goddamned PX truck out when I wasn’t on post or on mission.

Send baby wipes. A lot of times, that’s as close to a shower as they’ll get, especially in the winter when the desert gets colder than eskimo pussy.

If you can properly seal his favorite meal and ship it, do that. I wasn’t even mad on post overnight after having my mom’s homemade meat sauce and a box of pasta reach my PB that day.

Something that’s overlooked, include at least a note. Hearing what’s going on at home (aside from “hey man, your girl is banging your neighbor and she sold your dog”) is a boost for morale.

Deer Jerky, Smoked Salmon, etc. is about the best thing you could send. We actually had a bunch of state troopers send us a shit ton of it. Chances are it was road kill, but we ate it all the same. Tasted damn good actually.

Yes. I’m sure that’s it. Stop being a dick. In case you were unaware, TFM is a military friendly site. We might be different in our branch, our job, our rank or even our house, but we all fight for the same cause. If you’re unsure of the cause, please refer to the recent Tumbler posts. Regardless of your post, I’m glad you’re here! Semper Fi, Lance!

In case anyone encounters this situation on the 4th in Chicago, if you come to having been blacked out the previous 5 hours on the beach without anyone you originally went there with, the beach cops are fucking useless. I also wasn’t from Chicago, and still useless.