The first “It’s So Hot” blog of the summer

It’s so hot today, I put on a toe tag, laid down on the curb and waited for the city morgue to pick me up and put me in cold storage.

It’s so hot, I spilled McDonald’s coffee on myself to cool off.

The heat was so bad today, I was standing outside my favorite restaurant downtown, and the rats from the place were standing in my shadow.

When I got back to work, I had a hole in the seat of my pants. I thought I had ripped them, but it turns out I had the China Syndrome in my drawers.

It’s so hot, a chick called up Delilah to request some Barry Manilow, and Delilah told her to shut the hell up.

My daughter got a job at a topless bar so she could cool herself off on the metal pole.

At the zoo, the polar bears jumped the moat and were using tourists to fan themselves.

It was so hot, dudes were welching on bets so that Mob guys would break their legs and dump them in the river.

It was so hot, the time and temperature sign at the bank just read: “Does it even matter?”

I blog every weekday about the Web, the world and culture. Catch up with what you’ve missed by clicking the links on the left. Share your opinion in the comments section. To reach me about items unrelated to blog content, send an email.