Me (22f) and my bf (24m) have been together for 11 long months. We are really great friends and I love hanging out with him more than anything. The problem is for this entire time I have been dying to have sex WAY WAY WAY more than we do.
We have sex once or twice a week and I would literally kill to have it 3 times a week. 4-9 would be ideal honestly.
He is soooooo in love with me and talks about wanting to be with me forever and marrying me :( I can’t stand the thought of hurting him this bad by ending it. He knows I always want dick stuff cuz I’ve resorted to straight up asking whenever we hang out.
I really want to be out of this relationship so I can fuck as much as I’ve been dying to but I can’t bear to break his heart. And I feel like he’ll hate me if I break up with him purely because I want to have sex with other people (I asked about an open relationship once and he was very against it).
Any advice or perspectives would be so helpful. Thanks 🙏
Edit: I do love him too much to leave but this has helped me see that there’s no way I can be with him forever and I have to make this sacrifice for now. We have had many talks over the last few months about this but I’m gonna let him know how serious I am and hopefully we can find a compromise

Honestly, a breakup looks like it could be on the horizon, but since you seem to care about him, it still is worth having a conversation with him.

Let him know that your sex drive is very high, and that sex is important to you. Let him know that you want to have more sex, and what the obstacles are to having more sex. Maybe he has insecurities or doesn't really get the vibe that you want to fuck a lot? Maybe he is on the same page as you, but has a hard time communicating that without making you feel like a bad gf? Again, let him know that this is really important to you...like really...really important.

I think a conversation is the first step you should take. Try to understand his perspective before ending it.

Damn near every single post on the subreddit can be answered with some form of "Did you talk to them yet?" Or "Communication is key." If only they could talk out loud the candid way they can talk to random redditors....

Well, realistically, they DID talk to their partner. Nothing got solved from it. I feel like a lot of people post here when things are already broken and it's a last ditch effort of "maybe I missed something". Or they just don't have the courage to throw in the towel and are looking for a sanity check. Or need that sanity check to see if they're being unreasonable.

It's more that the talks people have on their own are along the lines of "I want lots of sex" or "You don't want me anymore" while watching movies or doing other stuff and count that as having talked about it while the entire problem isn't discussed at all.

For example, how often is 'lots'? What are OP's expectations and their SO? Does SO notice this mismatch? Do they want it at the same time or is OP biased by remembering being turned down more than turning OP down? (wakeup sex, after work, before bed, nighttime; what moment works best?)

If OP feels the need for more sex, why is that? Was it always this way or did it change recently? Is OP seeking validation through sex because another way for affection changed or lacked? What was it like in the beginning of the relationship and how did it change?

Then comes SO's side; did his sex drive change or was it always lower than OP's? Is it more that he doesnt initiate or does he turn down as well? Does he turn down because he'd rather do something else? What is that else and why does it occupy him? Does he feel repulsed when he has sex when he isn't completely into it and how does that make him feel? Would he be willing to help OP out by doing stuff without focussing on his own orgasm but just to make OP feel good?

In other words: actual deep conversation without blaming eachother to find a solution. That solution may be that you're not compatible but it seemed you were in the beginning so what changed?

Yeah they actually know those details because they've seen them firsthand within the relationship.

Realistically, not much changed from the start to where they are now. Their hope just got slowly squashed AS they had those conversations with their SO and got more information. Something put aside as a bad day turns into a bad week turns into a bad month turns into shit, this is just how they are.

There's always that rush at the start of a relationship before people settle into habits and actual appetites, tastes and thresholds are established. That can get people hooked on the relationship, and three months down the road they're wondering why it's not like it was in the first month. Six months down the road they're realizing the past 5 months were more similar to each other than any of them were to the first month. A year down the road, here they are making posts on reddit because they're so frustrated that they're turning to strangers for help.

this really is the only advice to take here. default on this sub is break up and run and it’s terrible advice which could cost you a relationship that might get even better down the line. even if he doesn’t always feel like having sex he’s probably going to be down to do it just to please you

I really feel like if someone said to a dude "even if she doesn't always feel like having sex she's probably going to be down to do it just to please you" everyone would start talking about consent and coercion, or even rape or abuse.

I’m having a really similar problem with my bf... except it’s more like I’d rather have sex a couple times a week but we only do it like two-three times a month (which I think is his attempt to keep me satisfied). And I’ve been talking to him about it since we first had sex, but he just doesn’t feel much of anything when he has sex, so we don’t do it often. Idk what we should do :/ Is sex therapy a thing? Or physicians that specialize in male sexual health??

He could talk to his GP about it, they can check things like hormone levels to see if there’s a physical issue. He could also talk to a urologist (dick doctor) about it if he’s willing. Do you think he could be depressed? Depression often totally kills libido along with a bunch of other things.

I don’t think he’s depressed (I am, but that’s another story), but he could be repressing his emotions. I have thought the problem could be psychological, but he absolutely does get horny/aroused so I think it may be physiological?

If you can get him to go to a GP about it I think that's the best start. Following that, (if this were me in my relationship) I would sit him down and tell him how important it is to you, and how you want both of you to be happy in the relationship and how much you love him etc. And then ask if he'd be willing to go to a session of some sex-positive couples counselling. If you can find a psychologist who specialises in couples and sex then that's probably better than someone who advertises themselves as a 'sex therapist' - at least where I live, literally anyone can call themselves a sex therapist. With a psychologist you're (hopefully) getting what you pay for.

Importantly, there's really no downside to going to therapy together. Even if it turns out the problem is physical, it's always beneficial to improve communication and work on things you may not have realised were issues.

Could be. Check about for sex therapists/therapy. Also check with a general doctor, and then maybe a urologist if they recommend it.

Words of wisdom when it comes to specialists, they typically have long wait times. Consistently call every other day or 2-3 days and ask if they've had any appointments cancelled, and see if you can move yours up. I'd still probably be going to the urologist if I hadn't done that, and I have my 1 year visit to make sure shit is fine upcoming in late December.

This is the best advice! You have to really make the issue clear before you just break up. Sometimes guys don't pick up on women's cues. And while sex is very important in a relationship... There are so many other elements that are just as important, such as being friends and supporting each other, that can be very difficult to find in a partner for life or any length of time.

How is this an effective approach?!? OP literally said "I really want to be out of this relationship so I can fuck as much as I've been dying to".

OP is not seeking advice because they want to stay in the relationship. Their main goal is not to make the relationship work, it's to get out of it, which is not a difficult thing to do. They're conflicted because they're worried their decision is going to negatively affect someone else, and they don't want that to be so. Just because someone gets hurt in the process doesn't make it the wrong decision, or invalidate the reason for leaving. Reality hurts.

I suck at Reddit and don't know how to post links but just Google "benefits of beet juice". The nitrates in beets gets your blood flowing and people use it as a pre-workout drink but it also gives you raging boners. It dates back to the ancient romans i believe. Me and a couple people I know all got the same results. I drink a glass every couple days and It gives me better erections, I can perform better with my girl and more times in a day. I recommend it to anyone looking to "up their game" without popping pills.

You don't have to do any hyperlinking, just paste the address into a comment. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320675.php But yeah, I can google, and I can see tons of bloggy stuff and no decent science. I hope you know that there are so many purported claims about functional foods that totally prove to be placebo effects and nothing more. But just because it might be a placebo effect doesn't mean the boner's not real, so more power to you.

Pushing for more sex is a bad idea in my opinion. Sex becomes part of assuaging guilt and not letting you down rather than intimacy and passion. It the long run it could lead to less sex rather than more. It also could rob him of his own enjoyment of your sex.

I've had it done to me and it was not at all a turn on.

People have different sex drives. Try and increase his with gentle seduction. You can also go solo a few times a week and build anticipation - quality over quantity. There's more to good relationships than sex. But you're young- if you can't get past this find someone else.

That's why the conversation needs to be framed in a way where it's not pushy. It's not just, "Fuck me more or get out." It's more about "Is everything okay between us?" "Is there something I am doing that turns you off?" etc.

I also want to add other options after this talk.
What about an open relationship? Would you be okay with seeing other people? Would he?
If yes then you can think on and discuss how this would idealy work. Are you open to polyamoury, having a fuckbuddy or something else entirely?

Doesn't seem like she's tried to make progress. She hasn't mentioned talking to her boyfriend about this problem at all. Or trying to fix it. Sounds like she just wants to sleep with other people, feels guilty and wants to blame him for it.

The main thing I see in your post is that you don't seem to want to be with him that bad anyways. It would be one thing is if you couldn't imagine a life without him and he was the love of your life, you just need more sex, but it seems to me that the main reason you haven't broken up already is that you don't want him to be sad. Of course it's not great that he'll be heartbroken, but you gotta think of number one too! If you don't want to be with him forever and you're sure of it, end it now. I'm sure he doesn't want you to marry him out of pity anyways.

So true. Even though it will hurt him right now, in the long run, nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them that much... so it really isn’t even the selfish thing to break up with him; it would just be the honest and right thing.

Ditto on this. My wife and I didn't get the chance to discover our *very* different sex drives until after we were married (conservative cults aren't big on sex before marriage), and it's defined our relationship for the past 13 years. We've known each other since middle school, and we're incredibly in love - but our sexual incompatibility has caused major bigtime heartache. In retrospect, we would have done so many things differently.

I think I'm looking into my future! I married a girl I met in middle school, we both went to a private Christian school, so sex before marriage was heavily frowned upon. We've been married for 3 years, and the mix-matched libido has been our biggest issue. Any tips?

It's not horrible, similar to OPs problem. I would have it at least once a day if time allowed, but we have sex once, maybe occasionally twice a week, but I feel like it's for my benefit most of the time. Neither of us were Catholics, but the private school essentially taught the girls that sex was very painful at first and shameful to feel like it's enjoyable, even though it's a "gift from God". This was from other female teachers, so I'm going to put my money on repressed shame.

she also might have mental health issues, or just has low libido. no way to know. best thing you can do is communicate and make yourself as attractive as possible, both physically and emotionally. (for example I can't imagine a sexually active couple NOT having sex after a romantic dinner and a massage yk what I mean?) but Def be kind about it she might have trauma or depression or feel unattractive etc.

if she is depressed/low libido maybe talk to her about wellbutrin. it functions like an upper and makes you 20000x hornier

Sorry it's taken so long to reply! I wish I had an amazing answer for you, but the truth is that there's no easy way to work it out. Things in our marriage started improving after about ten years, when my wife started to feel a little more confident in herself, and her relationship with sex and pleasure in general. (This was due in no small part to a prescription for some very mild anti-depressants.) We briefly discussed some kind of nonmonogamy as a solution, but as soon as it became apparent it wouldn't work for her, we took that off the table. Probably the best advice I can offer is to communicate. That can be difficult for all kinds of reasons - especially when you've been raised in a conservative environment - but I've found that the more talking we do (even just about feelings, with no apparent solutions), the better the sex life gets. We're finally at the stage where we have some kind of satisfying sexual experience about twice a week, and even though I'd like more, it's a pretty great place to be! Hell, she orgasmed twice in the same session this week! (Hooray for oral!) I often have regrets that it's taken us so damn long to get to this point - and I blame it squarely on our culty-cult-cult upbringing) - but I'm enjoying and celebrating what we have now!

I really want to be out of this relationship so I can fuck as much as I’ve been dying to

You kind of have your answer unfortunately. Or at least that is what you are thinking. You kind of don't mention that you are in love with him but he is with you. You mention that you are good friends but I notice you don't reciprocate marriage. You just say "I don't want to hurt him". That leads me to think your relationship is a bit more "friends with benefits" rather than a true committed relationship.

Libido mismatch is a common issue with couples and can cause quite a bit of damage.

The question you need to ask is "can I deal with this for the rest of my life." Is this something that you can cope with either by just suppressing your needs OR by altering your needs to match him (He can try to have more sex too but not every guy can handle that, as much as they think they could).

You can try to take some time to see if you can change things but if it seems like he will deny you more then you would like, you may have to evaluate the future of your relationship (read: breakup).

You kind of have your answer unfortunately. Or at least that is what you are thinking. You kind of don't mention that you are in love with him but he is with you. You mention that you are good friends but I notice you don't reciprocate marriage. You just say "I don't want to hurt him". That leads me to think your relationship is a big more "friends with benefits" rather than a true committed relationship.

I do love him but I also want out. I know I can’t put up with it for the rest of my life because I would resent him so bad, but a part of me wants to give him that because I love making him happy
I’m fucked

The fact that you can easily say you want out is important though. Most people that forge a long-term relationship might have some "issues" early on where they ask that question "can I do this the rest of my life" and they find that they can fight for and work with a limitation or problem. You seem to know that you can't. It's YOUR relationship too. It's going to suck but just as you want to find a partner with a higher libido (or "sow your oats" before settling down, whichever you gravitate toward), he might do better with a partner that is more his speed libido-wise.

The fact that you can easily say you want out is important though. Most people that forge a long-term relationship might have some "issues" early on where that ask that question "can I do this the rest of my life" and they find that they can fight for and work with a limitation or problem. You seem to know that you can't. It's YOUR relationship too. It's going to suck but just as you want to find a partner with a higher libido (or "sow your oats" before settling down, whichever you gravitate toward), he might do better with a partner that is more his speed libido-wise.

Is the sex with him at least good? I didn’t hear you mention that you crave his body, just that you crave sex in general. And I would think if he had good sex then you would spend more time thinking about his package.

Young guy's testosterone should be raging at that age. Plus, this is a new relationship. Maybe after years of being with someone the sex tapers off a little or a lot, but less than a year should still be the- exploring each others bodies and desires and getting really good at bringing pleasure to your partner- phase. I'm not saying it's bad to have a low sex drive, but it is not typical for guys in their 20's. Many factors can mess with hormone levels. Something may be amiss. It is admirable that you want to stay for him, but you must get your needs met as well or you will forever wonder what could have been.

It’s better to get out now then wait. I wasted too long trying to make certain relationships work that were never going to work forever. In the end life is just too short and if you’re not thinking this is something you could do for the rest of your life it’s best to end it now before things progress. If you were married or in a long term relationship it would be different but not even together a year is the perfect time to get out before things get too complicated.

Like someone already said it, you already made up your mind, and I guess what everyone is trying to, in a way tell you, is that for you to find a good way to let him down easy, I know you don’t want to hurt him, because yes you might love him but you feel like that thing is missing so much from your relationship, but if you continue to be like that, at the end of the day you’ll only end up hurting not only himself more but also yourself.

You can have all sorts of talks with this guy, and love (based on your feelings, as opposed to your real definition) this guy... but, having to sacrifice IS a part of love. If you cannot sacrifice your craving of constant strange, then you're simply not ready for... well, there ARE relationships that are poolyamorous and open etc... an exclusive relationship! But, those ONLY work if both (really all as others inevitably get involved) parties are good with it. Yes, full on GOOD with it.

At this stage of the game, you aren't aware of your own boundaries... I mean this in regards to compromises. Needs vs wants vs meh. And, like any older person talking to a younger person, I'm going to assert a concept that is dusty and rusty and 'nobody believes in any more.' It's ok to let go! I'd you aren't fully figured out yet, then you're not ready for BIG decisions!

Sounds like this dude is in the same boat... having a super horny chick is nothing more than a novelty if you can't/won't/don't keep up! Same as having a super hot person, or rich person, etc.

UNLESS, it's truly a need.

Back to you. You want lots a dicks? Fine. Be willing to sacrifice having at your beck and call a GREAT GUY TO HANG OUT WITH! You're not being truthful to him. Justify it as you like, but if it's not clear to him that you want other lovers, then either he's in serious denial (he probably is because of the novelty) or YOU are dragging this dude along.

I think anything short of ending it, and being clear as to why, is cowardice! Be brave. Who knows, maybe HE goes out and finds what HE truly likes, and what floats his boat... which might be an exclusive lover! And, if you DO care about him, let him go seek that. Monopolizing his affection is as bad as his monopolizing your pussy! Maybe worse, but that's subject to debate.

As a person who has been on this earth longer than you, I can tell you, I still love, at least a little bit, EVERY SINGLE one of my former lovers. But, if I didn't let go when I did (and for some of them THAT was probably too late even), then I couldn't have learned myself and MY needs! And, I wouldn't have found The One.

Gotta kiss a few frogs, they say. But, what they don't say, is how it is to actually let go of the good frogs, or even the princes... when you find them. But, you will have to at times. And, you'll be left go of, too. And played, and hurt. And, you'll hurt others too.

But, in these experiences, consciously decide on who the person you eventually want to be is... and make real choices that THAT person would make. Be forgiving when you mess up, but take a moment and consider. What's best for him? What's best for you? Not, just what y'all want, or what would be easy... what is BEST?

By the sounds of it, best would be an end of things as they are. Maybe, if both are willing, you can hang from time to time, and bang from time to time. I had a few friends like that in my 20s... most people do! In fact, I had a similar story to yours, except i did NOT want serious. SHE did, ...so while she dated respectable dudes, trying to find a good one, i was her pre-date stop, and turned her out. She eventually found a great guy, and I missed her, but am happy for her and her like 5 kids! But, the sex was contentious, the friendship real, but lacked what SHE needed. And, it made me learn a lot about myself. ALL because we were honest with one another, and ourselves.

So, go get your dick... but, don't be a dick. Empower this dude. Knowing that you want others might tear him down, make him feel like he isn't enough. Let's be honest, he isn't! Let him go. He'll be hurt, but you'll be a better person AND not hinder his opportunity to find what he wants, even if that means having to learn what that is.

Who knows, maybe in a few years, you'll settle down and he'll ramp up... not likely, but you never know!

So much this. I’m in the exact same situation as OP but we’ve been together for over 2 years and it went from once or twice a week to once every 3 months. The only reason we were having sex “so often” the first year is because of the honeymoon phase. And now I’m in a relationship with someone I want to marry but we’re incompatible in bed and I don’t know if I see a future with him anymore.

I think it depends upon the expectation. For me, having sex only once or twice a week would be, in fact, a dead bedroom. There are people who are content having sex only once a year, and would never dream of classifying their sex life as a dead bedroom.

This.
My relationship is long distance, so when we meet I want to have sex at least every other day for two weeks. Preferably more often. My partner would be happiest if we had sex maybe every few months, because they are almost ace and only have sex for my benefit. Neither of us is sick or wrong. We are just different. And this is a problem for the both of us.

there are times were between my gf and I, its like once every month or two. not because we hate each other but were literally too busy or exhausted to do anything. were both late 20s and have been together for 7 years. those "dead bedroom" situations do nothing negative to our relationship at all. if one person is feeling more sexual then the other, masturbate your heart away.

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im glad there is a part of reddit that isnt 100% "you guys dont have sex every week, you should probably break up"

Its totally up to what somebodies needs are, i know i couldn't do a month without sex, and masturbation does nothing to help with those feelings except make me less horny for 12 hours. You seem to have found somebody are perfectly sexually compatible with and that's great, but for me that just wouldn't work. If i go without sex for a week bad thoughts of cheating creep into my mind (which i would never do because morals). Finding somebody who you are sexually compatible with translates to a happier relationship. To me finding somebody like that is important.

I get that sex is important but discussions about frequency always get me questioning other people's lives. Are my partner and I the only ones who work odd schedules, are exhausted after work, have errands or housework or other things/people who need our attention?

It depends on the individual. For the boyfriend it isn't (seemingly), but for OP it is. A few years or even just months down the line, twice a week could easily turn into never.

Sex is important to some people. I personally hate it, so that means I would be with someone who also hates it. Not someone wanting to get into it 9 times a week. That would actually be cruel, in my opinion.

Early in a relationship it will become /r/deadbedrooms material 5-10yrs into a marriage when one partner is staring up at the ceiling just wanting physical intimacy and the other is fast asleep or doing something else.

Watch the TED talk posted in the sidebar of Dead Bedrooms to see the possibility of what your future could be.

While I don’t completely disagree I must admit that my attitude towards this has changed over the past few years. It’s probably a combination of me getting older, more emotionally mature, and self-assured but I am as mentally satisfied ( or more) by being with and sharing experiences with a person I really like and care about. Don’t get me wrong — being sexually expressive and enjoying regular, quality intimacy continues to be immensely important ... but frequency, not as much as even 5 years ago. I’m close to 50, for what it’s worth.

I agree with you and I've always had a high sex drive. Yet, I find myself deeply content with my relationship even though we've gone through major dry periods recently. It didn't cause a problem because we both had a lot on our plates and still made time for other kinds of intimacy - physical and otherwise. Sure, I wish I had all day to lay around fucking like I did at 17 but that's sadly not the case. I'd rather cuddle up together and save up that sexual energy for when we finally get a good chance to be together. I'm no longer a fan of sex for the sake of keeping up the frequency when we could be doing something else.

Absolutely break up with him as hard as it’ll be to do. Sex is too important to overlook for so many of us. I’m married now (33m) for 7+ yrs and facing the same issues I faced when I was deciding btw getting engaged and breaking up. I knew I loved her as a person but that I really wasn’t that “in love” with her. She was (and is) so great to me and sooooo loving. I’m definitely the love of her life and always have been. But now I’m 11 yrs in with her total and can’t stand to think about going without being truly “in love” for the rest of my life.

I crushed her when I tried to break up with her years ago. I crushed her when I initiated the divorce process yrs ago. I crushed her when I brought up divorce again a few weeks ago. It crushed her when she got into my phone a few months back to see flirty texts I had had with another woman even though it was clear in the convo that nothing had or would happen physically btw us since I was married. It doesn’t get easier. It gets harder.

Would it crush him more now or later? Would it crush him more to find out you’d been supplementing sex with him by seeing others down the road?

It’s fucking hard but you’ve gotta break up with him and soon. Don’t make the mistakes I’ve made. GL. I feel for you.

A big reason I’m with my wife is because of an ex (THE ex that is). Our sex life was incredible! Both of us had high sex drives, she had some fantastic moves in bed, AND she looked incredible naked. Plus, we typically had good conversation and had fun together out at the bar or wherever.

But, she was selfish, moody, irresponsible, demanding, whiny, did I mention selfish?, argumentative, dishonest, and controlling. She had tons of credit card debt and wanted gifts constantly. She wanted trips, clothes, designer jewelry, etc. but she was broke.

My wife is the complete opposite of all of that... unfortunately even the sexual compatibility and looking incredible naked part. But she does have a good job and isn’t selfish or demanding. She’s kind and cares more about others than herself. She’s such a great person and that’s why I’m still with her.

I just wish I’d been strong enough to find more of a blend between the two...

She definitely does deserve someone who is more in love with her than me. Just like I probably deserve somebody that cares more about my needs as a husband. It’s a two way street here and just because she’s a great person doesn’t mean she’s a perfect wife. And shit I don’t waive divorce in her face like some type of psycho, or to get my way about stuff. On the contrary...

I’ve brought divorce up in conversation as any relatively unhappily married but responsible adult would do when considering the future. When I first brought it up I thought 50/50 she’d agree it was best quite honestly. Her opposition to it reenergized me and our relationship for a while.

The timing of this post is coincidental because I brought divorce up for the 2nd time very recently. We’ve been in marriage counseling recently and disagree about having more kids. As hard as it was for me to say, I felt I had to bring it up again because it’s an option. She’s getting older and I don’t want more kids. If she wants more enough, she should move on from me.

But maybe you’re right... maybe I should just do it. Regardless I don’t discuss the topic flippantly. This is both of our lives and our daughter’s life we’re talking about here.

Yeah, I’m echoing this. If I knew my partner was posting this about me, I’d want the fuck out. Maybe not right away, but once the shock wore off. (Source: ex husband told me he was willing to leave for someone else, and after the initial shock, a year of couples counseling and individual counseling in which I was angry, sad, and re-evaluating everything... I decided I had to get out of there. I regret not initiating divorce earlier.)

Yeah, my wife and I just celebrated our 10 year anniversary and while we did have a rough patch that was nearing dead bedroom territory, we discussed it and both worked on our own issues that were interfering with our sex life and now it’s better than ever.

We’re about to celebrate our 17th anniversary in a couple of weeks and I can tell you that no, not all relationships are fucked up like this. While I would like to have sex more than once or twice a week but we love each other and are genuinely happy. No relationship is perfect but I think ours is about as close as it gets. It’s all about communication and honesty.

I can tell you that no, not all relationships are fucked up like this.

I don't think it's for you or I to judge if someone else's relationship is fucked up. Every relationship is unique and has its own set of challenges. Relationships are tremendously complicated.

I am happy for that you have the relationship you want. That being said, I am not about to deem someone else's relationship as fucked up. This is the Internet. You and I know nothing about other people.

Posts like this make me so sad. You're not doing your wife any favors and chances are if she has the EQ of a plastic bag she's picked up on some of that energy from you. Good luck, though. I know you can't have everything and life's choices/compromises are never simple

Let him know it could be just because you’re young and sex is more of a primal need to get out of your system before you settle down. Also, GET HIM TO TRY VIAGRA. Gets guys. WAY. MORE. HORNY, like seriously, it’s not emasculating insist he give that or some other stimulant a shot

It probably isn’t just a primal need before she settles down though. You settle down with someone who can fulfill your needs. Women actually get MORE horny in their 30s than they were in their 20s. This problem is only going to get worse.

Also, guys in their 20s with low sex drive will absolutely feel emasculated by having to take a stimulant. Mortifying for a girlfriend to even suggest it.

Judging by the responses you've chosen to reply to, it seems clear to me what kind of answer you were hoping to hear. Not communicating with the person you need to communicate with most is not a good habit to get into. The highest-upvoted post is that way for a reason.

I've always had a sex drive like a rabbit on crack, and your preferred schedule sounds perfect to me. My big ex of five years came out as asexual after far too long. The "high score" was four times a year. He would always attack me like I was some kind of monster for wanting intimacy, but people have different needs. I broke up with him for a number of reasons, though the lack of sex was definitely a biggie. (Once a year for three out of the five.)

I went into an open relationship after, because he sent my confidence into a downward spiral. Two guys at the same time couldn't keep up.

The next serious relationship had a sex life of once every three weeks to a month. Again, it baffled me as to how little the guys wanted it. I grew up in a very "men only want one thing" sorta household, so it really made me feel as if something was wrong with me for them not to want my body.

I'm 28 now, and finally with a man who can go once a week. It's literally the most sex I've had in a relationship. Though I'd prefer more, I also have come to realize that I have an unrealistic drive for most people.

A huge regret of mine is not "sowing my wild oats" earlier. I'm in a committed relationship and incredibly happy now, but I look back on all the years wasted. I think I would have more closure if I had a "slutty" period and got it out of my system instead of trying to find a solid relationship early on.

If you want my vote, I would say break it off and have some fun. You have all the time in the world to settle down.

Uggh, I hate those people who say 'you only want me for the sex', no its just that I am a higher libido than you and I want that intimacy and release that comes with it. Even if it is all the time lol

It is really something I ask about now and if they dont partially match my appetite after a few weeks then it would be over.

I of course can compromise but if its not every other day on average then we are just not compatible enough. And since I am not shy about sex at all, it is part of my conversations early on in relationships, a lot of the time in the first couple weeks of talking.

Once a week is a lot for him and that’s you settling? That’s what I essentially got from my porn addicted ex husband and I hated it. You don’t have to be a “slut” to have a fulfilling sexual relationship. My partner and I usually have sex 5-7 times per week and it’s wonderful for my soul. I finally have a man who can “keep up” and initiates too!

I am wondering if your issue is a factor of where you live or the guys you're interested in. For research purposes, what state do you live in and do you usually date nerdy, businessman, Walmart employees. Burger flippers? I don't know how someone with a high sex drive could settle for once a week.

That'll probably work for you. But majority of women don't take the step to make it abundantly clear that both LTR and sex is a high priority.

So many women's online profiles basically shreek that they are not sex positive, telling men: "SWIPE LEFT IF YOU'RE ONLY HERE FOR SEX."

The LTR guys that have high sex drive will then move on to talk to another girl that is open to allowing sex be the top priority for meeting, with the possiblity of a LTR developing afterwards.

Majority of women, and I'm gambling that /u/turtlegrowl fits this description, put out there that LTR is the priority, and if things go well on that side of the connection, they hope high sex drive will be in store in the future. It's not a recipe for success. It's a recipe for failure. And it's their own fault.

The girls I see that tell you to fuck off if you want sex are the most crazed sex one. It was so confusing at first. I'm like ok, you don't want to have sex but you will sext someone, run a semi popular nsfw tumblr about breeding and other kinks?

You are so not weird or unreasonable. I'd like to have sex at least every third day. Sometimes for a day or two of not doing much else. My sex drive is not a problem for me, so it's not sickness. It just means that monogamous relationships with people who have low libidos don't work for me in the long run. It's fine in the beginning, sort of, when the other person wants more sex because it's new and exciting. But later it settles down to what would be their normal, and then it starts being a problem. Lack of sex tends to cause resentment (doesn't help that I know that nobody does anything wrong), sadness, feelings of rejection and abandonment and bad (sexual) self esteem. It starts casting a shadow over things that work and eating away from the joy of just being alive. It's just miserable. It's like trying to force a square block into a round hole.

You, my friend, have had an incredible string of bad luck. Multiple young men and the one with the highest libido wanted you once a week? It's not you! It's them. Most guys that age (and older!) want sex every day and very few can get it. You would be their dream come true. There are guys out there who would cherish a woman with the sex drive of a rabbit on crack. LOL!

OP, break up with him and go run with the bulls! Start a relationship with the one who fucks you best.

The idea of a women wanting more sex than the man is alien to me. I dunno where all these high sex drive women are and all these stories of young fellas in their early 20s not wanting sex? Something bizarre going on.

I can't imagine the difficulty of being a woman with a high sex drive and only somehow ending up with low sex drive/a sexual men. Feels like the odds for such a thing to happen should be really low. Wonder what's going on.

It’s higher than you’d think, especially with the age of the internet.

For me (got married at 22 and were married for 10 yrs) it was unknowingly marrying a porn/sex addict and both of us not understanding the ramifications of long term porn usage on the brain and ultimately his ability/desire to perform. He wanted sex a lot the first 8 months we dated so I didn’t suspect there’d be a problem, but after deploying to Iraq he came back less interested (we were also long distance so I didn’t see the significant drop). He’d started heavily looking at porn while deployed again.

In any case, I was no longer a novelty (he explained that more after we divorced) and thus he had to seek new porn or crushes in order to really have an erection. Then you add shame and performance pressure since he still viewed me as physically attractive and interested in intimacy regularly- he just wasn’t sexually attracted to me. It’s a “screwed up” cycle that damages the soul and self esteem for both parties.

Sex we did have typically was a “wham bam thank you ma’am” style and I took care of myself afterward. I learned about the sex addiction back in 2010 when he had an affair right around our 4 yr anniversary and we were able to work through it with great difficulty and honesty. I resigned myself to a life knowing that he’d struggle but was at least taking steps to address the issues and block porn etc. Sex improved but i knew it would never be ideal for me - he couldn’t combine sex and love - it was always one or the other and he wanted to cuddle and spend time together to express love since “love” feelings didn’t result in an erection.

I have had two amazing partners since our amicable divorce which made me realize what life can and should be - my SO is fitted perfectly for me and we are in sync extremely well. Night and day... I would not be able to settle for what I previously did again.

Sounds like you had a few horrible situations and I'm sorry you went through all that.

The guy you mentioned originally though seemed less like he had a lower libido and more than he ruined it himself. It wasn't that he wasn't interested in sex itself.

I was just thinking more about situations where women have high libidos and men don't being hard to imagine they sound so rare.

Like generally porn is there in a positive sense too for all those men in relationships where they'd want sex daily but the women is like most where she's not into it all that much. Porn at least means he's not wrecking her head every day pestering her for sex thus they get on in their relationship.

It can ruin some guys though for sure as you unfortunately experienced.

Me and my man have sex every day. We both love, need, desire a high drive and I’d be so sad without it. You need to be honest now before your in to deep. You’ll be miserable if you settle. Life’s to short and remember no one ever dies saying “I wish I didn’t have so many orgasms!”

Yeah, everyone is just rushing to “break up with him!” But imagine if the situation were reversed? “My girlfriend only lets me have sex with her twice a week” suddenly makes it seem a lot different. I’d say this is something that definitely needs to be talked out. Personally my gf and I have a similar thing, hers is much higher than mine. We’ve been together 4 years and I trust her quite a bit, I’ve given her a free pass before, she’s done the same for me. It’s all about boundaries and all that. My method won’t work for everyone but I’m just saying it needs to be talked out to find a solution. I think breaking up over this is a little harsh

Yes. Sexual compatibility is soooo undervalued. You have different needs when it comes to physical intimacy - that’s huge! Break up unless you can negotiate an open relationship. It will only get harder the longer you wait.

Yes sexual incompatibility is perfectly valid for ending a relationship but I also think you need to look at this realistically. You’re having sex at least once a week which is pretty normal and even a lot more than a lot of other couples. You are going to be hard pressed to find a man with the time or energy to go 4-9 times a week. Not saying they aren’t out there only saying they are hard to find. And then is he going to be able to sustain that over a long period of time for the duration of the relationship.

I think you need to look at the bigger picture here and consider if you are happy in all other aspects of your relationship. Is it worth giving it up for maybe an extra two times a week? Normally when people end relationships because they aren’t getting enough sex it’s because they are going weeks or months or years without it. I’d seriously think long and hard about this and ending your relationship because you have to wait 1 week to have sex.

Then again you already sound kind of checked out and he’s way more into this relationship than you are. If this is how you truly feel then let him go so he can find someone else and you can go fuck to your heart’s content.

I think you need to look at the bigger picture here and consider if you are happy in all other aspects of your relationship. Is it worth giving it up for maybe an extra two times a week? Normally when people end relationships because they aren’t getting enough sex it’s because they are going week or months or years without it. I’d seriously think long and hard about this and ending your relationship ago because you have to wait 1 week to have sex.

Another thing to keep in mind.. What's his job? Is he tired due to working a lot? Or is it something like he's too lazy to do it? There are factors missing in OP's post. One more thing.. Age is a factor. You guys are super young and could very well be at different stages of your libido level. Also, on the age thing, you're super young and honestly most 22 year olds don't know wtf they're doing (despite thinking you do). If you're really not into the relationship anymore then the "lack" of sex could be the scapegoat reason for wanting out. And yeah, in an adult relationship 2-3 times a week is almost above average. Most working adults only get around to it 1-2 times a week. Good luck finding a long lasting life partnership that will be able to sustain 4-9 times.

You are going to be hard pressed to find a man with the time or energy to go 4-9 times a week.

I dont think this is really true. I know you are generalizing but a lot of my exes have said they were in relationships with guys like me at least once before that wants sex every day and sometimes even to stay in bed all day on the weekend.

I was able to do this working 50-60hrs per week and this was just 3 years ago when I was 33. I am not with anyone right this second but I would definitely be attempting this again now if I was in a relationship.

Here, 23M working 24x12, having sex with my wife almost every day of the year... but let me tell you something.

For sure sex is an important part in the life of a woman, the harder, the faster the better for them (You can agree with me until this part). We men can give you sex 2 or 3 or 100 times at day 24/7 365, but here are some important things you should know (Maybe i'm rigth maybe not but use your criteria):

Some of us have high libido cuz our life style (lifting, runing, healty food, staying in a good shape) some are so unhealty but have high testosterone (i'm so jealous of them)

Here is an interesting part when we both my wife and i started or relationship i was in a good shape and my job was intense but not stressful, then i changed that job for another cuz the money but started to get fat out of shape less sleep and my libido droped so much, and i was about to broke our relation until one day i stopped masturbating myself, my libido raised because of the extra energy that i was getting.

If your partner is having issues with his shape, is tired or is smashing the meat alot just talk about it and try to find the root of the problem, try to find why he is not having that high libido.

Im not sure if you meant to be replying to me or not as I said above I also am the same working like crazy and having sex everyday almost in a relationship and I was 10 years older than you at the time so it didnt slow down that much for me. I agree with you on almost all of what you said.

You are definitely right though about the energy level you have and the difference when you are in shape vs out of shape and this absolutely needs to be considered if someone is having issues. Testosterone also dropped in me over time as Im now 36 but again like you said, working out really helps that especially since I am basically stuck at
a desk all day for work.

Im not sold on the masturbation thing as I still do it a couple times a week when in a relationship but I have a high libido so it doesnt take much away from that sex drive but I can see how others with a lower libido can impact them too much where it would be a negative impact on them.

It is very possible to find someone who wants six as much as you. My husband and I fuck 3 to 4 times a day, if not more. But you won't find that person if you're in your current relationship. It is perfectly fine to break up and find what you want. Good luck out there, and stay safe.

I disagree with you on this. I’ve been dating a guy for 5 months who matches my high sex drive perfectly. We have sex nearly daily and multiple times on weekend days. Even if we don’t do PIV, we will play around a lot...making out hard to oral and fingers.

This is the first relationship in which I have felt satisfied and haven’t had to pretend like I’ve had orgasms. I’m nearly 30 and if I could just give a little advice to you...you’re young, you’re hot now compared to how you’ll be when you’re 50, and you have zero obligations. It might suck to break up-and that’s not necessarily what I’m advising- but you have to ultimately feel happy with your own life and can’t live it for a guy EVER.

There are over 7 billion people on the planet. You’ll find satisfaction eventually.

Thats simply not true. There are guys out there that are up for it every day, if not multiple times a day. I honestly cant say Ive dated someone who wasnt, so dont give up. Theres definately someone out there for you. That said, you young, take the time to experiment so youll know what you like when you meet your the one (or several if it ends up polly)

Take my own advice and get out before I make a lifetime commitment? It's too late for that. If I could go back to the 11 month mark in my relationship and make I different decision, I would. Breaking the legal, emotional, familial and financial bonds at this point are MUCH different than they would have been 25 years ago.

Does he understand how important it is to you? Explain this is a HUGE deal, and if needed, even give a hint of something like you're unsure if you could keep this long-term. If he truly loves you and wants to marry you, he will likely be willing to have sex more often, even if his sex drive isn't as high. If not, then perhaps it's best you break up anyway given how much of a deal sex is for you.

I think communicating is huge and in a lot of situations being blunt and upfront about it is the best way to deal with it but in my experience for this situation, they change for a little bit of time but go back to their lower libido ways.

If you arent having as much sex as you want in the first year, wait until life really hits you both and the honeymoon phase is over as it will get down to about 50-60% of that. If that isnt enough for you and the conversation to up that a bit for a compromise dont work then its probably time to move on.

Like someone said earlier, at his age he should be wanting to fuck anything that is warm. Before you break up with him, ask him to have his testosterone levels checked. Testosterone gel may make a big change in his libido and, as a plus, Androgel just went generic. Trust me, it can make a huge difference.

A few key points:
A) go to a urologist specializing in men's health, not your gp.
2) give it a few months and see. Some people may not absorb the gel through the skin and may need injections.
Q) if it works, you will be amazed in his change of sex drive and mood.

Source: am currently on testosterone therapy to treat moodiness and lack of sex drive (which lead to more moodiness) and had to switch from the gel to injections yesterday.

I've been on injections for almost 2 years, what a difference. I didn't realize until after I'd started the shots how dead I felt inside. Even to where, when my wife would initiate a sexual advance, I'd get anxiety and would try to avoid her.

It's a whole new world these days.

Edit: corrected spelling

I've been on injections for almost 2 years, what a difference. I didn't realize until street I'd started the shots how dead I feel inside. Even to where, when my wife would initiate a sexual advance, I'd get anxiety and would try to avoid her.

Did you ever think about communicating with him? Lol. Tell him this! Be like “I love everything about you and want to be with you, but I don’t know that our sex drives match, and if we can’t come to an acceptable compromise (which imo 3 depending on what is going on in your life is very fair on your part for him to step up to), I just don’t see myself being fulfilled in our relationship in the long term and that scares me for us because I don’t see me lasting in a situation like that. 6-9 times (pardon the pun), is probably a bit unrealistic for people working normal jobs even for a guy that has a higher sex drive, so maybe you want to get yourself a good wevibe to kill off some of the horny while you wait.

Edit: after rereading your post, do you even want to be with this guy at all?

Yes it is. If you already know you won’t be happy and satisfied with him in the long term, I think you should be brave and break up with him now. I had a similar experience as you and I stayed with the guy for 10 years, telling myself that it was OK because he was nice and we got along well. But in the end I ended up leaving him because I didn’t feel desired by him and I was constantly having crushes on other guys who gave me attention... I know it’s hard, but don’t do the same error as me. I wish I had done this sooner, now I am happy with someome who has a high sex drive and can’t take his hands off me ☺️

Yes it is. If you already know you won’t be happy and satisfied with him in the long term, I think you should be brave and break up with him now. I had a similar experience as you and I stayed with the guy for 10 years, telling myself that it was OK because he was nice and we got along well. But in the end I ended up leaving him because I didn’t feel desired by him and I was constantly having crushes on other guys that gave me attention... I know it’s hard, but don’t do the same error as me. I wish I had done this sooner, now I am happy with someome who has a high sex drive and can’t take his hands off me ☺️

No matter what the reason, staying together to save the other’s feelings is very inconsiderate and doing you both a disservice in the long run — superficial or fundamentally important.

To be clear: that’s a VERY different thing than staying together because you have decided that you’re willing to sacrifice something you value to be with the other person. Being in ANY relationship requires commitment, compromise, collaboration, honesty, and communication. In this case you’re talking about sex but it could be anything ( and if you decide to stay you can’t hold it over his head, either, because that’s not honest).

Yes. I would break up if I were you. You are still in your lust phase and he only wants it once or twice a week. That means this will likely drop if you stay together long term and you could end up having sex twice a month for years to come.

There are guys out there who want lots of sex and who could keep up with you. Me and my wife used to do it 5-6 times a week while dating and sometimes had weekends where we did it 3-4 times each day.

We have dropped down to 4-5 times a week now and we are 7 years into our relationship. But We still have days we will end up having sex 3 times. We like sex is what i’m saying.

It's done-zo. Sorry... but if he's selfish in bed, he's going to be selfish elsewhere down the road too. You just can't see it yet because you guys are so young. I was exactly in your shoes, except we ended up getting married and having kids. Almost 20 years later, our divorce was finalized last year. Don't be me. Get out and find someone you're truly compatible with.

Rejection from ur partner is the worst. I understand how you become less confident. Your thoughts go to this whole other world of " why's, when or IF it will ever change & Maybes ". That's where my head when I was in situations like this. Sucked. No one should have to feel this, but we do & should learn from it. Sex is a huge role in a relationship. I believe the connection important for Many reasons. Your not being selfish, if this is what you need and he can't reach your needs....what's the point? You don't want to cheat. I'm sorry your experiencing this frustrating situation. I've had a few partners that I had to end the relationship for this same reason. It was hard, BUT I deserved to be happy & so do you! I wish you the best💟

I think sex is a very important part of a relationship, it creates and maintains the bond between you both. It also helps that you’re both on the same page where your love languages gel or you understand each other’s.

Anyone who say it’s not is in for disappointment or are low libido and will eventually end up in a Deadbedroom!

The way it looks, it seems like you love the fact that your bf loves you, but you don’t love him the way he does. Break-ups are sad, but that’s just the way life works. Sometimes, you can’t do yourself and do others at the same time. And I know that pulling out of a relationship can be scary, the mere thought of never finding someone that can love you the same way as he does is frightening. But that thought lives only in your head, no one knows the future, and just like you could not find someone like him again, you could find someone that’s even more compatible with your needs. But you’ll never find out, if you keep putting someone else’s interests over your own.

Heyy, I saw your post about your sex drive. And the way it looks, it seems like you love the fact that your bf loves you, but you don’t love him the way he does. Break-ups are sad, but that’s just the way life works. Sometimes, you can’t do yourself and do others at the same time. And I know that pulling out of a relationship can be scary, the mere thought of never finding someone that can love you the same way as he does is frightening. But that thought lives only in your head, no one knows the future, and just like you could not find someone like him again, you could find someone that’s even more compatible with your needs. But you’ll never find out, if you keep putting someone else’s interests over your own.

Tell him, "I love you, but I need you to be fucking my brains out almost daily. If having sex 4-7 times a week won't work for you then I'm not going to have any option but to start looking for a new boyfriend. "

You need to be direct and STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. Listen guy, I need more sex. I am frustrated and my needs are not met… Explain to them everything that you said here and then tell him straight up you’re contemplating leaving him because you’re not getting enough sex he either needs to go see someone i.e. a doctor or he’s gonna lose you. Be straight up with him and tell him you’re going to leave unless he puts out more. I’ve been with the same person for 13 years and she was like that for a while, we would only have sex once a week and then I told her straight up… I am going to start fucking somebody else and less you put out more. I don’t know how long it took but now we fucked every single night at least and sometimes more. I know there’s times when she doesn’t want to but she does it anyway because she knows… Good luck!

Short answer: Yes. Any reason you have to break up with someone is reason enough.

Long answer: Yes. Unless he has some kind of medical issue on its way to a resolution, he will not change. Your sex drive can get lower as much as his can get higher. You say you are good friends and get along well: this doesn’t necessarily have to change post-breakup. I went through the same thing with my last boyfriend (sexual incompatibility and all) and EVERYONE told me to stay with him. That sex wasn’t that big of a deal, you’ll never find someone as good as him blah blah blah. We both, to this day, admit the breakup was the best thing to happen to our relationship. We are both much happier as friends and he actually has a new girlfriend that he’s much more compatible with. You’re thinking of it as breaking his heart when in actuality you are giving him (as much as yourself) the freedom to find someone more compatible for him.

This is the same situation I’m in with the only difference being I’m the bf (32m)that wants to have the same amount of sex as you and my gf no where near that.
I honestly didn’t think there were this many ppl dealing with this issue until I came across these Reddit threads.
4-9 times a week would be idea. Heck I’ll even take twice a week. Right now I’m lucky if it’s once a month. We used to have sex very often in the beginning, like 4-5 times a week. She would even initiate.

Unless there’s a way to bring that back I see no other solution than breaking up unfortunately.

Ever considered the possibility he has an issue with it, or with you? And has said nothing to the contrary to protect your feelings, because he does care about you as a person

Just because you want it a lot doesn't mean anything from my perspective. As a guy with a woman who has a libido twice as high as mine, i know what this is like. Mine wants to get fucked, but i have to do the fucking. Doing like 90+% of the work after working a physically demanding job all day (construction) does not for an ideal thing to me make every single day and so i don't. So maybe its you, not him - commenting on one side of the story only appeals to the side you hear.

So talk it out like an adult, get a sex toy and ride it out, or grow a pair and leave.

But be not confused that the reasoning you've stated for such departure is for completely selfish reasons. As others have said there are plenty of worse dead bedroom scenarios and other things possible. But your comments in relation to those show you just seem to want an out as an excuse of some kind.

You're still young, so there are two things to consider. You have plenty of time to find a partner to settle down with. Your sex drive will probably decrease.

Now is a good time for you to explore your sexuality, go out and have safe protected sex as much as your little heart desires.

I had a super high sex drive when I was your age. I wanted sex multiple times a day. I was also with low sex drive partners. It sucked. The relationships were pretty long, and promising, but ultimately ended. I feel like I wasted my time with serial dating.

But now, at 29, my sex drive has calmed down. I still want sex, but it's not a monstrous craving anymore. Plus, my current partner is wonderful (even though we don't have sex as frequently as when we first started dating), and we do hot wifing, so if I get the hankering for a night of violent sex, I'm free to do so.

It doesn't really sound like you're super into your boyfriend. You might want to call it quits and be free to fuck whoever you want. But if he's worth sticking around for, go with that. I think it's reasonable to seriously ask for an open relationship (with boundaries, if that makes him feel better). Both of you should check out "the ethical slut" if being open/poly is an option.

You have been given some pretty solid advice in the comments. I guess I wanted to double-down and say this should be the starting point to a honest crossroads conversation. Be prepared to realize that there may be a sexual incompatibility that isn't likely resolved in any healthy and respectful way. It has been my experience that if this is an issue before marriage/kids/etc it will likely be a forever issue if it's not related to a pure misunderstanding or miscommunication.

​

I think it is commendable that you don't want to hurt his feelings and are seeking alternatives. But you have to ask yourself, if this is in fact a compatibility issue and not a communication one, are you willing to go on like this indefinitely? I divorced a dead bedroom situation (I am a female) and will never again put myself through the drama of a sexless marriage/sexual incompatible partner.

I say do it. I (23f) was in a relationship for five years, got engaged, and everything and it ended up leading to resentment, low self esteem, and more fighting.

It made sex turn into a stressor for him, and it made sex become an unachievable and often disappointing time for me.

Cut it short while you have less to lose honestly. I can go on and on about how it truly affected us to the core, but the bottom line is, if it’s that important to you and not important to him, it will not work.

This is probably already buried, but I would have a conversation with him and see if he’s willing to work on ways to increase his libido. Less red meat, working out more, healthier diet, switch medications, get a testosterone level test, etc. You are taking a ‘flaw’ that may be out of his control and attributing it to his ability to love you.

Maybe he’d be willing to satisfy you more often, without even focusing on himself sexually. In relationships you should care about the pleasure of your partner, he should be offering to orally or manually get you to orgasm on the days he doesn’t want sex for himself. If he isn’t, he needs to be reminded that’s an option, or you need to take a look at how much he desires to please you.

So another issue is that he’s never gone down on me ever because he has a “mental block” about it . And he doesn’t want to do anything sexual more than the once or twice a week instances. Like he doesn’t want to sext, receive blow jobs or hand jobs. Sometimes we’ll be having sex and he’ll go soft during it which kills my self esteem but I know he can’t control that. Basically the “other things to please me” is probably not gonna happen

I’m sorry to hear that. Always best to give the party without the voice the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately it does seem like there’s a disconnect in sexual needs/wants. If he doesn’t want to please you, even if he gets no stimulation from it, then it may even be deeper than a sexual issue. Do you feel as though the relationship is equal when you take the sexual aspect out of it?

You do not need a good reason to break up with anyone. Always keep this in mind.

Given the time you two have been together and no shared commitments you don't even need to organize your lives for the breakup.

There are plenty of people who would want to be sexually active with you monogamously 9 times a week, and others who would want to be sexually active with you in an open relationship.

He shouldn't hate you, but realize that he wasn't willing to put forth the effort or didn't have the ability to meet your needs. Good chance no one person will.

Okcupid is pretty good for poly people, and Tinder and other sites are good for casual relationships, but without a detailed profile you might have a harder time finding someone who is compatible since what you want isn't seen as standard or socially acceptable.

Think about what you want. Multiple partners at once? A new flavor each night of the week? Be okay with yourself wanting things that he will not or cannot provide.

Yes. People will say you can work your way around it and it's true with most issues but this is not one of them. I wish more people accepted this as a universal deal breaker. Sexual incapability is devastating. You get one person unfulfilled in a basic human need (and sex is a basic human need, right after food and water). It's gonna lead to you being forever unfulfilled, cheating or breaking up down the line.

Man that sounds awful, when I’m laid off/not working I like to have sex with my partner 3-4 times a day. Once in the morning, once before sleep, & any time how ever many times in between!! The only problem we have is her vagina getting sore :///

I don’t know if it’s been mentioned yet, but maybe a vibrator could help? You can take care of yourself. In a non-manipulative way, he may be jealous of your new bob (battery operated boyfriend) and want to please you instead.
You may even try working out- cardio specifically- to maybe take the edge off. That’s what I’ve done in the past when I’m going crazy. There were times when I’d fuck a potato if it had a dick.
HOWEVER, like others have said, I think communication is key. Most guys would die for a woman with a rampant libido. Communication is sexy anyway.
Good luck to both of you!

Get out now. Or wait 5, 10, 15+ years, subscribe to r/deadbedrooms and be upset about wasting a ton of time before finally choosing happiness.
Don't feel shallow for choosing what makes you happy, but definitely have a conversation with your current partner before exiting the relationship.

I've been on this boat before where sex was an issue; as a dude I have a pretty high sex drive so i have had partners that did not desire it as much as I do.

I'm currently seeing a girl whose drive is just as high as mine, we're both horndogs so we fuck like 3 or even 4 times a day when we have time to do so, but we at least have sex 1-2 per day.

You're not wrong for ending it for that reason, if that is an important thing to you to have a strong relationship, then you have all the right to chase that accordingly.

It might sound shallow, but at the end of the day you don't want to be stuck in a relationship where sex is the issue as it can influence other aspects of the relationship. You're doing this guy a favor now as opposed to resenting him and perhaps even cheating on him later.

As much as some people dont like to admit, sex is the glue that keeps a relationship together, so you want it to be strong.

there's no easy way to do waht you need to do, you just gotta rip the band aid off and tell him how it is.

im definitely gonna get some hate for this but i wanna mention how i’ve seen some posts similar to this from men and ppl attack them for being a pig and an asshole and here everyone is like “do what u gotta do to make u happy”. All i’m saying is I wish there was more equality on the sexual front in relationships. I hope you DO whatever will make u happy just like I would if u were of another sex. Good luck!

You are young and figuring out what you like. It sounds like he is more emotionally invested in the relationship and you are more physically invested. You said “he’s so in love with me, he wants to marry me” not “I’m so in love with him, I want to marry him.” Part of dating is sometimes breaking people’s hearts. When people ask questions like this I usually say “if you have to ask the question then you probably already know the answer...”

It sounds like you’re not ready for the same type of relationship he thinks he is. But, it shouldn’t matter what we think. If you think it’s a good enough reason that makes you want to break up with him, then it is. But, it’s a shame that you actually do care about him, because, it sounds like you just don’t want to care about him at that level. You may end up losing him as a friend even. Take it as a lesson, don’t end up in relationships that could just ruin friendships.

Yes. You can't change his sex drive with conversations. He might have more sex with you after the conversation but will revert back to his normal drive which will leave you back at square one over and over again. Trust me I thought I could tolerate it, make due or that he could rise to tho occasion but no on all 3. Find someone who is on the same level as you and save yourself from future frustrations!!!!
Sex drive is not something that can be changed.

I just got out of a 3 year relationship because of this same reason. I wanted sex very much, all the time- my partner didn’t. They said they would compromise the issue and we would make it work together.

For three years I waited. Nothing ever happened, whilst all my friends in college were hooking up and meeting new faces and having fun exploring their sexuality. It got to the point we didn’t have sex for months on end. My partner just got to the point where they stopped trying.

I tried 5 times to break up with them over 3 years, but 4/5 times i got back with them because I couldn’t stand their pain of not being with me. The guilt ate me alive. So we signed another lease together.

Fast forward to today, we have 10 more months on a lease with both of our names on it and we are very much broken up. Don’t settle. Leave.

Have you actually tried having this very convo with him?? Give him the chance to try and rise to the occasion. If he doesn't/can't then time to leave, but at least let him know that sex is extremely important in order for you to continue this relationship. HE has to initiate more, or it won't work for you.

But ultimately only you know if the emotional connection is on the same wavelength. From the way you phrased your post, it sounds like he is in love deeper than you are. Don't drag it out if you don't think this can last. Is it really just the sex that's lacking? Or is there something else?

If you love him then you need to make achoice. I chose my wife despite her sex drive being much lower. I masturbate a lot to fill the void. I have discovered that I think I am poly and would love to love others not in place of my wife but in conjunction. This is not something she is ok with.

I do not begrudge my decision to move forward and wish I had known myself a bit more. I may have made different choices. That having been said 10 years in I love my wife and the sex we have is phenomenal. Our two daughters are beautiful and amazing.

I guess what I am saying is a different drive is not a reason to break up unless it just is. Be true to yourself in the end and you will be truer to an other. Just for reference if I had it my way I would have sex at least once a day and twice sometimes.

At your age I would really not drag this out too long, played that game too more than once got really disgruntled after a while and it usually ended in a mess. Yes we could have "communicated" more but she had the sexdrive of a dying sloth and I was horny 24/7 so no conversation would have changed anything about the direction that one particular first relationship was headed when I was about your age. Had I been honest with myself and yes I loved her quite a lot but it was definitely not enough to keep this going I probably should have broken up with her way earlier. At least I would not have had to deal with her cheating on me because I had been cold and distant for a few months since she didn't give me what I needed when we were together. Don't feel bad for being you and don't try to change people or fix things you can't control.

I hate to say it but it sounds like you should. It's not always a bad thing to have different sex drives. I'm poly, which is something my wife and I both agreed on for various reasons, one being that I've got an addiction to sex from abuse in my childhood. I'm not saying that is your case, clearly, but something that's killed my past relationships was not nearly enough sex, so I looked elsewhere and cheated. And that's something that you may be likely to do if you feel that trapped in a dry relationship. If you're struggling with staying with him, you should go before marriage, kids are involved, you've got loans for houses, etc. Because let me tell you, a divorce that far into the game is ugly, messy and it hurts everyone involved, including the kids. That's what I regret most. My kids got involved and I unintentionally hurt them and they didn't deserve it. Likewise, anyone who ever stays in a chaotic relationship "for the kids" should split for the kids. It does hurt kids with divorce but it hurts kids worse to grow up watching their parents in a dysfunctional relationship. It sets the bar of standards for their relationship and what to expect from their partners.

In this case communication may not be the answer. You want sex 9 times a week, he's good with once and shows little interest in upping his game.

This is not going to work out. You are slowly going to feel starved for sex and he is going to feel constant pressure to perform. Both of you are going to be unhappy.

This is harsh but you have to take charge of your life... nobody else will. Tell him that you want to have an FWB (or two) on the side. Tell him that you won't fluid bond with them and that he's still the one you love but that you need more sex.

If he loves you enough he will give you want you need. It will be a sacrifice for him, but he'll do it for you.

If he sacrifices his pride for your needs, marry him because he's a jewel.

If not... well, you can talk with a counselor but you can't change his biology.

I feel for you girl, my man would fuck all day everyday if he had it his way, I couldn’t imagine being with a guy that didn’t, nothing sexier then a guy that wants you so freaking bad all the time. but seriously you could find that guy that wants to fuck all day everyday and be the happiest gal out, I say be with someone who you are sexually compatible with.

jeesh, I have sex with my wife once every other week. occasionally once a week. There are times that I feel like we don't have sex enough, and we are mid 30s, have a toddler, careers, and all kinds of other stressors. 4-9 times a week sounds like I would end up fired and neglecting my child. I think you should try to value what you have, while you have it(and I probably should too!).

I was with a guy for nearly 6 years, we were engaged and pretty happy at the start. Then it started to become apparent that I NEEDED sex a lot more than he did. I would badger him for it when it wasn’t happening, I would try spice things up, buy outfits, toys ANYTHING. It was like hitting a brick wall. I tried talking to him, with not much response (we always had trouble communicating), and eventually I starting thinking there was something wrong with me and resenting him slowly. My head was then turned much easier and I found myself being incredibly attracted to other men, that pretty much sealed it for me.

We broke up after 6 years and it was sad for both of us but it was totally the right decision. We were both miserable and not getting what we wanted. I felt neglected and he felt pressured.

You don’t want it to get to that point but do try and discuss it with him first, he might not be so much of a brick wall.

Is it the intimacy of intercourse you need, the physicality of sex, or a partner induced orgasm? Depending on what you need there might be ways to figure it out.

However, I'm also picking up that he is truly in love with you, and you do care about him but might not be on the same page relationship wise. You call them "11 long months" that you "are really great friends and [you] love hanging out with him more than anything". It seems you aren't leaving because you don't want to hurt him, not because you don't want to be without him. Beyond the dick issue, are you sure you want to be with him, his feelings being hurt aside?

All that said, being sexually incompatible is a serious problem for long term relationships, and in a relationship you should care about your partners needs and wants. So, if you have made it clear that you need sex a lot more and he is either dismissive of your needs, or won't do anything to try to help then you might have two big problems. If he wants to wife you and whisk you off to the suburbs and you want to be going out to meet guys and have flings, this is is a choice between breaking his heart now or later.

Just tell him honestly how you feel about him, not just that you don't want to hurt him, and what you need.

I would say its something that if it's important to you could end up casing rifts and creating resentment, as someone who has trouble finding someone matches labidos. It can cause issues in other areas of a relationship.

People get together and break up all, the , time! They get together and break up for various reasons: location, job, other mating opportunities, lack of mating, etc. You know it is going to happen sooner or later. There are 50 ways to leave your lover.

What are his habits like? My sex drive can be all over the place. There were times where I wanted it every other day. Other times I wanted it 3 times a day. It correlated with a few factors: weed, depression, anxiety, hunger, over training, under training, and how often I masturbate.

I'm in the same situation, but as a dude. I work a very stressful job, around 80 hours a week, and I often just want to cuddle and sleep when I get home.

My girlfriend wants sex every day, and it makes me feel so guilty when I can't provide that. It has even sometimes made me avoid seeing her, simply so I didn't have to let her down by not wanting to have sex (or to avoid having sex).

Our sex live is great while on vacation, where we can go once twice a day (though she often wants 3 times a day), but me not sharing her libido is really hard on the relationship.

If you are sexually frustrated, talk to your partner about it. Express your feelings. Maybe consider breaking up if you are sexually compatible.

My partner and I have talked about an open relationship. It seems beneficial for both of us, since I get to spice up my sex-life with variance from time to time, and she gets to have sex more often.

But that solution obviously isn't for everyone, and you probably shouldn't be the one to ask, since it would come off as harsh (it could sound like: let me sleep with other men, or we break up).

I’m in the same boat. I did at times felt so pressured that she’d ask for sex but I can’t even get hard. If you can find my long ass comment below there’s more details lol I also wanted to ask how ur open relationship is going.

Previously we have had threesomes, attended strip-clubs together, and wingmanned each other at clubs (however, only to the point of kissing other people). We have mainly just seen that as harmless fun, though.

Having sex with another person without the other being present is a big step, so we are considering it carefully. But if we can't handle it, I dont know who could.

I do, however, think that there should be some hard lines. Ex'es, or people in general where feelings are involved, are no-go's in our opinion. It should only be hookups and one-night stands.

I see. I totally agree. We have the same boundary as well, no old friends/past encounters. Knowing that she had sex with someone else was not easy to swallow. Her standpoint was that she’s very secure in our relationship that she said she won’t feel bad that I have sex with someone else.

When you're dating, you're essentially trying out marriage with that person for a temporary trial run. You marry for love, security, and companionship.

When and if you get married, there will be many things you will have to work through over the years. Working through tough situations is a very essential part of a successful marriage, because life is full of tough situations (single or not). Obviously, there should be a lot less issues than things that are going right.

With that being said, sex isn't everything, but it is important for a good marriage. If you really love this guy, besides the sex issue, this is a great time to start practicing working through tough issues. I would recommend what everyone else has said: communicate communicate communicate. Be open, but also be loving about it.

Working through those tough situations, when you could have given up, brings you together so much closer. I've been working through this same situation with my wife, and she's improving little by little. It's awesome. She's not a total freak in bed, which is a bit upsetting, but I wouldn't leave her for anything.

I'm (20M) kind of on the same boat as you. I want to have sex daily but my girlfriend doesn't because of her religious background and it's annoying. I've resorted to masturbating often because of this situation. I love her and she loves me back, we talk of the days after we get married where we fuck like crazy (excited for that). I'm still with her after a year without sex because I've always found other means of released.. so yeah...

Only if his responses you deal with it yourself or something to that extent if the person is willing to work on it with you than fuck now but if they're just going to tell you to go masturbate and go fuck yourself then maybe you have to reconsider. However you do have to take the time to go and at least talk to them about this problem and see if they're willing to help out or not

sounds like my gf. once or twice a month some vanilla sex. it's good but I would love more,especially as I know what I like and dont, but she is not conofrtsble to do light butt stuff on me or the like. and shes not to sure what she really likes even though she has a longer sex life than me.
But as we both work and dont live together, and when she comes to my place she doesn't want sex because she feels weird coming over for sex, once or twice a month it is.
Well it's not everything and I accommodated to it and got used to it. Still love her. Not sure how a girls brain is wired though. For me sex is nice and all, but cuddling is same on a feels level. release I can also get from masturbation.

I've been in this situation but in reverse. I'm a Male with a higher sex drive than my partner and it used to be a huge problem to the point where we almost broke up because of it. I came to learn that even though I do like having sex (a lot) I love my wife more. So I've accepted the fact that I wont have sex for sometimes 6 months, which sucks. On the other hand, it feels amazing when we have sex because we haven't in so long.

It's not for everyone, but mutual masterbation can help. You both have a chance to relieve some tension. My partner and I found that we like watching porn when we do this, again not for everyone.

At the end of the day, yes, breaking up with someone because they don't like to have as much sex as you do is a valid reason to break up with them. But if you love them deeply you'll figure out something that works. Hope this helps and good luck!

If he's not really in the mood, you could maybe masturbate with him by your side or something... This is what I do with my lady, and it usually is good enough. Often she participates in some way, maybe with toys or touching or dirty talk. And often she gets aroused herself

I think you need to write down your thoughts and figure out a way to tell him you need more sex.. maybe come up with some new things in bed too to spice it up. Maybe ask him about some fetishes he’d like to try and encourage more play.

He deserves a talk it sounds like since you both care about each other. Tell him what your feelings. Along with maybe some new things you guys might want to try.

If things don’t change then maybe you could tell him your feelings aren’t the same anymore.

An honest discussion about your feelings and what can be done to find better ground is essential.

I don't like to make people dread the future, but please see /r/DeadBedrooms to see what life might look like if you two move in, get married, and end up resenting each other because this initial issue was never addressed.

I think it’s fair to get out of a relationship from lack of sex. I loved my ex but we hadn’t had sex for two months by the time we broke up and slept in separate bed rooms. I had an extremely high sex drive and she gave me one blowjob to completion once in our four years dating while I would go down on her almost every time we had sex. It could have been worth saving but I think there were some different things impacting sex between us (like pretty sure she is a lesbian).

This was me 2.5 years into my relationship. I asked for an open one and he did not want to. We lived together and had animals and etc. and now it’s 6.5 years later, 8 years total, moved to another state together and sex never improved, but our lives are so entwines and it’s way more complicated to just up and leave. Break up, don’t be me.

Im not sure its a great idea. He could aways just tweak himself a bit to have more sessions of sex and for possibly longer. all it could take is a conversation or two. My sex drive is quite high as it is lol. Don't break up if you don't need to.

Don't waste his time if you guys aren't compatible together but if the only problem is sex drive then start working and have him work out with you because working out increases sec drive mainly like lifting and the reason I said for you to work out too is it gives him a reason to work out without straight up saying that he needs to workout and its mainly lifting because of testosterone increases while you lift.

A big reason my marriage ended was that my wife had absolutely no desire for sex. I was going out my mind trying everything I could, but in the end we had to end it and I’m much happier now. Sex isn’t everything, but if that gear isn’t working, the whole machine can break down pretty quickly. Good luck.

I’ve been in the reverse of this situation. Where it’s my ex-boyfriend who was begging for sex and I was saying no. I said no to him a lot for a number of reasons. One of which that it got to a point where it was never satisfying for me. I didn’t tell him that he wasn’t satisfying me just doing the opposite and it got to a breaking point where we both literally blew up at each other at 3 in the morning after a night out.

He was a super intimate touchy-feely kind of guy and I just was never into that. Eventually it got down to a point where we weren’t having sex at all and we were both miserable from it.

Having sex with someone you still love but can’t stand is worse than having sex with someone you have 0 attachment to.

Sounds in your post you’re look for an excuse to leave. So leave. If you truly live the man talk to him. Be your most honest and authentic self when having the conversation and trust your gut! It NEVER LIES!

Depends how much you value that over his other qualities. How much you care about eachother and if you can imagine a future together are major factors. Maybe talk all this out with him in person, and see where you two are at

Besides the sex, do you like being with him and do you love him and does he treat you well? I think that is a very important component to consider. Sex drives can change over time. It sounds like you are very “done” with the situation though. So I don’t think it’s unreasonable to break up with him over it, just think about the above first!

As someone in a LTR that got stuck with a low-libido partner, it will eventually be a deal breaker and force you to either cheat or masturbate to fulfill your need. If those options are OK, then stay. Otherwise, get out now while it's easier.

3-4 should be normal even in your 30s which is where I am. If you’re not at least at 2/week. Go your separate ways. You’re too young to not have sex on a regular basis.
There will come a time when you’re much older where sex won’t be possible as often. Don’t waste your abilities now.

Thinking about it, its alot of work though. I work 60-70 hours a week, she does school / work / study and goes to the gym everyday. Maybe if we lived together we'd do it more but i dont think it would be 3-4 times a week.

Is just the physical sex you want or is it the emotional side too? 'Cause if it's just about getting off it'd be a shame to leave a relationship that fulfills the emotional side as wells as yours does.

Maybe try having him use a dildo or vibrator on you if he's not physically up to it?

Edit: Now I've seen the part where you want to have sex with other people. Maybe I missed it the first time or maybe you edited. Either way I'm changing my stance. You should break up with him. It's not fair to either of you if you want to bang other people.

Don't break up I'd you want to continue the relationship.
I'm with my gf for 4 years and we get busy only about once every second week.
I don't like this but I love her and don't want to break up.
We fight over this topic more often now but as long as we are talking about this there is room for improvement!

Hey there! I wanted to quickly drop in and mention that I had dated my ex-boyfriend for about 2 years and our sex drives could NOT have been more different. I was afraid of breaking up with him over something that seemed so shallow. The thing is- I slowly realized that it wasn’t a shallow decision to make because it was affecting my happiness in the entire relationship.

You gave him a possible remedy (open relationship) and he was against it. There isn’t much you can do- you will regret it in five- ten years if you don’t just end it now. I am now in an extremely sexually compatible relationship and am SO happy that I made the decision to end things.

Don’t stay in a relationship to spare the other person- you are just as important!

Take if from an older guy that knows what's going to happen. If his sex drive is this low at 24 (I was banging any female I could at that age) it's going to get worse the older he gets and yours is going to get stronger in your 40s. I know you care about him, but are you strong enough not to cheat to meat your desires? It's better to break up now when your young and not married then take the chance of breaking his heart because you cheated.

If sex is that important to you (it sounds like it is and that’s great!), you should end it sooner rather than later. You should not ignore your needs and should not feel guilty for pursuing them. He may also feel inadequate because he cannot match your sex drive, spiraling the situation. You both deserve to be with partners that can more easily fulfill your needs. My husband of 8 years and I are a classic case of sexual mismatch. We love each other deeply, but sex has always been a struggle.

This doesn't have to be the end. Communication is key. Do you really want to go out and fuck other people, or do you want your guy to buck up and man handle you the way you like it? You gotta be open about what you want and how you want it. Give him a chance to learn how you like it and see if he can learn from you. You may have to hold his hand a little bit and guide him, but isn't holding on to a best friend and a Love something to invest in as long as they're willing to try?

You've got a lot of good advice about breaking up, so if he really can't give you what you need and doesn't show any effort of trying, than you know your options. But if he really loves you, he'll do what he can to give you what you need if you're open about it

Exact situation happened but with roles revered with an ex that I was with for a few years. I just grew so resentful and just tired of her do to the inability to connect in that way. Went through a few rough relationships figuring out what I want. Eventually I met a woman like yourself, and we’ve clicked like crazy for years till we got engaged. Very proud and happy to say someone with your same desires and interest are out there, it just might take some digging to find them. Priorities what’s important to you and go get it. Talk to your partner and if their priorities aren’t on par with yours, it could be a good time to move towards more of what you want. Best wishes and good luck to you.

ucouldberight, there could be a few things to consider. Number 1, early 20s are the years of fucking. Hormones and egg fertility are at an all-time high. Biologically speaking, this is prime-time for fucking. Wanting to fuck is not an issue. Some have higher drives than other.

Number 2: you have to KNOW if you really love him. It seems that you do, but kinda questionable since you requested an open relationship. Open relationship ideas don't generally work. What it really does is exposes you to partners and the moment a dick fucks you the right way, you will dump your boyfriend. It'll happen. Biology. Fucking that one person over and over will lead to chemical attraction and bond. Be certain about this...then again, nothing is certain.

Number 3: sit your boyfriend down and REALLY talk to him how you feel and your desires. After that, ask him what TURNS him on. You never know, he might be bi, maybe he likes ladyboys, maybe he wants dirty talk, etc. Or, maybe he literally is a sexual freak, BUT with his love he is not. I see this all the time. In fact, I use to be that person. I wanted to fuck all the time in all ways, but with my love I couldn't..this was due to religious belief that the ONE must be treated well..I also had the belief that if I fucked my partner all the time, they would just turn into a sex machine and go fuck others. The mind is strange. Find out what's going on. But here's an easy way. You say he gives you sex 2 times a week? Are those two times FUCKING GREAT? Or crappy sex? If they are everything u wished for in fucking, then perhaps there is a mental block in his head.

Number 4: drugs. Consider this in all aspects, legal and illegal. Is he taking anything? If so, try to see if there is a pattern when he takes a drug that affects his dick drive. Is he on Adderall or antidepression meds like Lexapro? If so, this certainly is a dick killer. Although Adderall gives speedick to some, for some (like many of my friends) it kills their libido. They need to stop it for 1-2 days to get it back up. Lexapro needs to be stopped for 1-2 weeks for full force weenie. Many people keep their meds private. If this is a concern, spy in his medicine cabinet, etc. Or just straight up ask. Viagra/Cialis works great to counter effects of such meds, but you need to find it if its applicable.

Number 5: injury, physical or mental. Although I did touch about this a little, see if he suffered a testicle injury. For example, bike seat accident. See if there is a mental issue/block. Was he raped before? Did he suffer PTSD from a war? etc.

Number 6: possible partner? Is it a possibility that he is fucking someone else that you do not know of? This happens a lot! Men that say I love you, sex 2x a week, blah blah generally have some side action somewhere that's draining him dry. Cover your bases and find out...gently.

Number 7: If you expressed your desire, a man should be able to fulfill your desires. Let's say he had some dick issue...he can still eat you out, masturbate you, and all sorts of initimate stuff. Is he takining initiative to do such things?

Number 8: alternatives. You have to get creative. Next time you guys are watching TV in private, whip out a toy and start sexing yourself in front of him. See how he reacts. Another alternative is self-pleasure, but this sucks and I would avoid when in relationships as it can build dependency and resentment against partner.

I've been in this position before, in the guy's shoes, except in a 5 year relationship where the decline lasted longer than your whole relationship. Your relationship won't last like this. Your priorities are too out of sync. Dragging it out is just going to draw out the pain of separation for him. It will hurt him to leave him, but that's no reason not to do it. You will resent him for your needs not being met and he will come to resent you for not being happy with what he can offer. Your mutual love will be poisoned into bitterness, and that's a far more insidious pain than the honest pain of separation.

Converse and be honest with him that you're doing this for yourself (which is a good thing, self-care is #1), and that it needs to end before it gets bad.

Some people, like myself, can deal with not having sex and it doesn't really change how I feel or conceive of myself. But if it feels important to you, then it is important to you, and it's not a problem that will go away so don't treat it like one.

Have you considered an open relationship? You can set boundaries with one another, such as seeing other people strictly for sexual purposes & no feelings involved. That way you can still have your relationship while you’re also able to satisfy your sex drive. It’s scary at first, but the more research I did on it the more open I was to the idea!

Hey! I have a very similar issue in my relationship (been together for a year, I want way more sex than my BF) . So I googled it and read a bunch of self-help type articles about how to deal with this, because for me breaking up is not an option as every other aspect of our relationship is everything I want and I just love him way too much. Some of the articles were dumb, but some of them were pretty helpful. Some things they suggested were talking about a sex frequency that you guys can agree on and planning for it, so that you don't have to wonder when you might have sex. Personally, this wasn't my favorite one as I wouldn't want my partner to feel obligated to have sex he doesn't want just bc its on a calendar. One of the suggestions I liked was for both partners to expand what they think of as intimacy. You might be able to get intimacy gratification from laying in bed and cuddling, talking, touching. Additionally, while he may not want to have sex at a specific time that you do, maybe he would be okay with helping you masturbate/doing other sexual things that aren't actual sex. Idk if you guys would be open to this but it might save your relationship if you're really close to breaking up with him! I also wanna say that you really shouldn't feel bad if you do end up breaking up with him over this, it's not silly or superficial, its a very real and important part of who we are as human beings. It's a perfectly valid thing and it's up to each of us to navigate our sexual needs in a way that is fair and respectful to others and ourselves. He shouldn't hate you for breaking up with him over this and hopefully he would understand. Good luck!!

Don't tell us what you just said, tell him and see how he reacts. Keep in mind, most of the time the end game of relationships is marriage. If you think he cannot change, for the long term, then I can see why you'd consider breaking up. Doing now is easier than doing it later

Im in a similar situation but im in his position. What do I do about it? How do I increase sex drive? I can get super duper horny but then after cumming I won’t feel like having sex for like another week

Granted i’ve only read the title. But my most recent ex actually broke up with me because he had a super high sex drive and i dont really have one because of my meds. So he broke up with me. I personally think if everything else is fine, just breaking up because of differing sex drives is kinda stupid. But looking back, my ex and i wanted to live in different states and live different life styles so i dont think we would have worked out.

But sexual compatibility is just as important as any other aspect of your relationship.

Did I write this?? Exact same situation.. even the ages are the same... I’m right there with you girl

Edit: I will say I have had many many many conversations with my boyfriend about this issue and nothing seems to be getting done. We’re having sex less than we ever have. It’s been I think... 3 months since we’ve had sex? And I think a total of 6 times altogether this year. We just had a big fight about it tonight and it’s not looking good. I love him so much and want to be with him but he doesn’t seem to even want to put in the effort of going to find out why he has a low sex drive or anything, and I’m getting tired of trying

Edit 2: also we have been dating just over two years and this problem has lasted the entire relationship

to be honest I think some people are jumping the gun here. Start off by having some really honest conversations with each other about feelings and sex drives. Take some time to explore how you feel after these conversations and see if you two can find common ground. Honesty and communication are the way to approach this. That and a lot of compassion for each other and for yourselves.

you may phrase things a little differently, but he needs to know everything you said here in this post. He needs to know that because it's stuff that's very important to you. open up to each other and see what happens. If you're compatible for the long-term, great. If you're not, that can be okay too. You can break up amicably if it gets to that point. But even think on that level is way too premature in my opinion. Talk to each other first.

From the other side of this, it's a good reason. 75% of the reason I broke up with my SO was because his sex drive was so high and I just couldn't deal with saying no anymore, and the constant asking. Not to say there is anything wrong with him, but I didn't want to deal with that for the rest of my life. And I felt bad constantly turning him down, I didn't want him to feel unwanted or unattractive.

Differing sex drives can cause quite a rift, you just need to weigh the options. Are you okay with going the rest of your life potentially being unsatisfied with your sex life for him? If you're not, don't feel like a bad person. It's better to end it than lead him on while you're unhappy.

Whatever you choose, just know that ultimately whatever is best for YOU is always going to be a good reason for anything.

It sounds like you aren't too terribly emotionally attached to him anyway, and he feels the oposite. This is only going to end in him getting hurt so might want to end it sooner rather than later.

Other option is to have a frank discussion and possibly ask hin if he would be ok with moving it towards a non exclusive relationship. I have no clue if he'd be down with that though (sounds like a no from your description).

Did you have more sex at the beginning of your relationship? If it used to be more often and then has dwindled, then usually you can have a conversation to try to identify why you aren't having sex more often. Does his work/school make him tired/stressed? Does he feel weird asking for sex all the time because he's been told that it's disrespectful to women? Does he over-complicate the matter and thinks sex has to be long with lots of foreplay involved and multiple orgasms when really you'd be down for a quickie every once in awhile?

If you guys have never had sex as much as you wanted to, then 1-2 times a week might be his default setting. If he's open to trying to have sex more often, then you can also try to do things to keep sex at the top of his mind. Flirty texts sent throughout the day. Walking around in only heels and lingerie, giving lingering kisses with your hands roaming up his chest, etc. Maybe you could ask him what kind of porn he likes and offer to watch it with him. He might have a hidden kink that drives him wild that you can discover. Sometimes guys need a little seduction too.

There are two different things here. You've asked for an open relationship, but have you asked for just having that amount of sex in general? These two things are very different from one another.

And to be honest, what you're asking for isn't outrageous, especially if you're already having sex once or twice a week. Be honest with what your needs are and if it doesn't work out, then tell him that you're just not compatible. You wont be breaking up with him to have sex with other people, you'll be breaking up with him because you're not compatible, which is a very different reason. But be ready to just take time off each other as friends for the following 6-18 months though.

And don't be discouraged of possibly not finding someone. My wife and I have been together for 6 years now and have sex 5-7 times a week (she has an iud so she has no ). We know that's not the norm, but we are conscious of the fact that sex is a huge part of our relationship. It started off sexually so why change it? Initially, we had sex 3 times a day for the first few months, but now that only happens during vacation because now we have jobs and other responsibilities. Like I said, we make an effort to keep it this way, so in whatever relationship you end up, just let your partner know how important sex is to you. Constant good communication is key.

From experience this is a reason to break up. It’s a fundamental incompatibility and EVERYTHING else may feel good but in the end if you feel you’re trying really hard to be someone you’re not then it is probably a good time to have a conversation about it and come to a middle ground.

I honestly see no resolution here. It's all up to him. Seriously where are all these women with high sex drives? I seem to only find the ones with low sex drives. While I'm at it what is wrong with these dudes? Anyways back on topic this issue is gonna continue. Marriage won't fix it. And I'm not sure an open relationship would solve anything here. I'm in one myself. Your needs not being met will result in a massive fight the relationship will not survive from. Better to end it now so there is a chance of a friendship later down the road. This is assuming there has been lots of communication on this and other topics. Sooner or later something will rise to the surface which will cause a negative outburst and it may not be sexual in nature. In my years if the needs of both partners aren't being met then the relationship dies. Usually bitterly. End it before it gets worse.

As a young man I always had a greater sex drive than my partners. If I had it to do over I would have found those that believe in polyamory because love is also important to me. Does he have any fantasies that you could tap into. If you can its the key to lots of sex from most guys. What would he do with that naughty girl in his mind? When he masturbates what does he think about?

Question- if sex wasn’t a problem, could you see yourself marrying him too? Do you love him that much? If so, a very earnest discussion is imperative. Because honey, when you hit 30, that sex drive is just gonna get wilder. Apparently it’s supposed to slow down around 40.... but I’m 37 now, and there are no signs of it. I’ve been with my spouse since 22 and we have an understanding. My sex drive is considerably higher, but they see to it that my needs are met. Talk to him, earnestly, with love & respect. You’ll both be better for it in the end.

Just recently entered open relationship. I’m the bf (30) that couldn’t satisfy my gf (25). I’m not LL per se, but long story short, she’s not happy with sex life and has been putting her frustration away for 6ish years. She biggest thing is, she’s a virgin, with very high sex drive as you. Our sex initially were great but soon I couldn’t keep up. We’d fight/talk, then she admitted that she was faking orgasm or at time she don’t feel me. (I’m also significantly shorter than her) This started some performance anxiety with me and worsen my ability to maintain erection. So periodically, There’ll be times that I just can’t perform. Eventually about 3mo she asked that we go into open relationship. I agreed, not because I thought I’d get some side piece, but because I know she was a virgin and she deserves to experience more than just me and she had made it clear that it’s because she’s found one partner she’s talking to.

I want to make it clear first. Our relationship is rock solid. Outside of sex, we are inseparable. We are both very much in love and she’ll never leave me because of sex. Kinda like your situation, she loves me very much and I know it. I just feel so bad that I’m not able to sexually fulfill her. She is just frustrated for years of unfulfillment and just really wanted to fk.

She did have sex with the dude she was talking to, multiple times. At the time I felt terrible. Despite she tried everything she can to ensure I don’t feel hurt. I was still feeling bad. I work myself up to tell myself but when she’s going over to his place I still feel really uncomfortable.

Since then we’ve moved to a new state for her career advancement. She maintained friend with him throughout the time and now but shes always made it very clear that she’s not seeing this guy in any romantic way. She never texted him frequently and has even shown me their text and stuff. After this she told me, what was enjoyable having sex with him was just the novelty aspect of it. She didn’t find herself getting a mindblowning fkfest and she realizes that I’m not nearly as bad in bed as she had painted me to be. She realized she took things for granted and after this we are even closer than ever.

I’m not saying open relationship can fix things. Frankly, I know it breaks more than it fixes. However, I knew our relationship has a very solid, deep-rooted foundation and I’ll never leave her because she’s banging another man and she feels the same. I’m still very much turned on by her (it’s hard not to when she has a natural pornstar bod lol). The way I look at it, if my partner isn’t happy, I don’t want to further trap her with me to continue her un-happiness. Open relations ended up with very positive effects on our relationship. I’m no saint. It’s not easy, and I really worked so hard but was still so much bothered by it. But through time, I started to get over it. Of course with her help as well. When time comes, I’ll have my turn. (We are both too picky to be looking for ONS on tinder etc)

You haven’t even been together a year, and he only wants sex twice/week. What will it be like in a few after you two are married? You need to clearly communicate your sexual needs to him. If something doesn’t change, you might be sexually incompatible. Some people are willing to compromise that for other needs, but I would not want to get stuck in a sexless marriage. It is a recipe for infidelity. You are already looking.

Talk to him communication is key make him know the importance of it for you, if he loves you he will understand, make him know that you want sex and ask him what dose he wants from it maybe you find something that he wants to do too

Everything in your post is about how much he cares about you. You mention you don't want to break his heart but that's not a reason to stay with someone. He deserves to be with someone that loves him. You didn't mention how you feel about him. I think that tells you all you need to know. Do the hard thing, the right thing for both of you and end it.
He will find someone that is more sexually compatible and loves him. And you will get to enjoy your 20's the way you want to.

I hear you. I can't make this call. If he's a great friend, try to keep it that way. He might be mad, he also might feel that you're too much for him. He's also probably aware of a gulf. You also might try to engage him in a different way. Does he respond better to sex after certain things you do together, such as a common interest or or one of his interests that he's excited about?

If you want to try an open relationship, then maybe let him go, but respect his humanity and personhood. Open relationships are great when the partners are honest and all on board. Good luck and if you need to dump him, be the dumper you wish you could have.

Sorry but I think yes it is a good reason. I was unhappy for that reason for 2 years in a relationship. Yeah he was great and I still love him etc etc but I started resenting him and getting body image issues. It's not his fault but it definitely made us incompatible. It's unfair but it's a deal breaker for me

Maybe try fucking yourself? Seriously. Masturbation is healthy. Sex is better when there is no ultimatum attached and when it's not a farce.

But your title is asking if that's a good enough reason to leave, implying you don't want to be there anyway. It sound like you love popping that pus-zayy more then you love him so I don't know why you need Reddits validation to leave him, you sound like you know what you want to do. Staying because you think it will hurt him to see you go is the worst thing you can do for someone. How condescending. Girl. He WILL get over you. You leaving is not the end of his world no matter how sad it makes him, or how hurt he his at the moment. Stop being selfish. You want a reason to leave? Your looking for reasons and that should be reason enough. Save that man the heartache later on.

you have valid feeling on hurting him, but that’s going to happen anyway, eventually. being afraid to hurt someone is not a good reason to stay together.

being compatible with someone sexually is important (to me, and i assume you). if this is the real reason you would be splitting up, do it in the nicest possible way. if there is something else you’re not telling us (or more importantly, yourself), you need to make that the real reason for the breakup.

is sex drive a shallow reason for a breakup? i suggest no. very legit, if that is indeed the reason. i thought my sex drive would slow down in my 40’s. it did not.

my wife’s drive is far less than mine, and i supplement with a lot of porn. that’s less than ideal, but she is worth it. i realized that sex was less important than how much i care about her and want to be with her and how little others understood me, themselves and the world. this took 11 years of dating for me to fully grasp btw.

It's a big incompatibility point. It's no more fair that you should live without reasonable sexual satisfaction than it would be for your bf to have sex way more than he needs or wants to.

These situations are never easy. There can be a lot in a relationship that works dreamily, and some things just don't at all. There are ways to get around that, namely finding partnerships outside of the primary one, to share the aspects that you don't get satiated with your primary. But since monogamy is the norm, most people aren't even willing to think about this, despite it being the best and most obvious solution.

I can't really advice you in this. If nothing budges, you are forced to abandon a lot to gain something that is also important to you. It's hardly fair. Regarding your boyfriend being angry with you if you leave him for sex: Consider if this was something else, like one of you wanted kids and the other didn't. Would you consider it unfair to think that important? I think that these are comparable.

Tough call. You can go fuck a bunch of people, hit the wall and regret you don’t have a good relationship....or try to work on this one.

From my 52 yo male perspective.....kind of a losing situation. Regrets either way. Resentment possibly hat you never went out and fucked everything.....fast forward tot he 40 yo you....two kids divorced and down at the bar fucking everything.

Honestly, I think it’s a pretty dumb reason to break up. I mean, 2 times a week is pretty average. It’d be different if you were having sex two times a month.. I could see why you’d want to break things off then. If you’re happy with every other aspect of your relationship, then I would say it’s not worth it to throw that all away. You very well may regret it. If I were you I would go out and get myself a bomb ass vibrator

Man in his 40’s here. Married 15 years. Had previous relationships in my 20’s with women who matched my libido. My wife does not. I love my wife and the life we’ve built together, but sex is on my mind ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

I hate that I can’t turn off my brain. I feel rejected a lot. My self esteem has been beaten down. I actually think it’s made me depressed. I jerk off to porn to the point that it doesn’t even excite me anymore.

He’s not going to change. Get out now before it’s too difficult or expensive to get out. Trust me, you’ll find someone else to love.

[NTA] I know your exact feeling! Me and my gf are long distance and only get to see each other on weekends so neither of us are getting as much sex as we want. One of the saving Graces is that we know we will be able to have as much sex as we want once we live together. But I think either of us having plenty of opportunity to have sex but not having enough to satisfy either parties needs would not be great.

Open or just good relationships start with honest dialogue, do you want sex with anyone or sex with just him? Would pleasing yourself thinking of him satisfy the urge or do you need someone to do that with/for you?

If the latter, you'd be better off arranging a way to stay with him and satisfy the need if possible and agreeable to both of you. And if you truly think there is a long term future with him, including these issues regardless of positive resolution.

Libido is different for people, and different for the same person depending on factors such as age, stress, health and many others. Maybe you can talk with him about trying things that will get his to better meet yours, that could be toys, lingerie, pegging, bdsm or any number of wonderful things couples can enjoy exploring together.

I have an ex-girlfriend, that I live 2 hours away from, who had it like this. She wanted to break up because she is "addicted" to sex, and she couldn't get it daily or more frequently, when I live 2 hours away.

I have one advice I hope you will use.. Don't say, that it's because you don't have enough sex. Just, nah, it hurts.

Sex is half of a romantic relationship in my opinion. I'm in the same boat. I'm dying to have sex daily. My wife has started not being interested in sex. I've started being very unhappy in my relationship. If you don't find a man to fulfill your sexual needs, you will have an unhappy relationship. It's best to get out before y'all are tied together by finances and other things.

Tbh i would just buy some vibrating panties and give him the remote in public, do some out right get on bored now stuff if he's not into it hand the remote to some one else in front of him and let him know this is what's going to happen if he's out of the picture so one way or the other. That's what I would do in your shoes.

You are supposed to work this stuff out before you get married. Don't choose badly. Hopefully you will be stuck with the person you choose for the rest of your life. There are so many people posting about how they thought it would change in sex over 30. They seem heartbroken.

I feel like if you are even thinking about breaking up with him over it maybe you should.

Sometimes when I want something but I don't know I want something I will ask - if I say do it and you are excited about it then do it, but if I say do it and you say you don't want to then don't. It's dumb but that's sometimes how I figure out what I actually want.

What you could do is if you bring up an ultimatum. Like I want more sex from you. But if you can’t give me it I will go else where and that means we will split.
But also you could do the open relationship but not find a random strangers find one that meets your criteria but also have the man possibly be vetted from your boyfriend. So you’re not continually just doing random strangers just have one other person you can trust and who will give you your physical needs. But for all that to work it has to be a very open relationship no secrets and the bond between you and your boyfriend is the most important and if you need to end the fling with the 2nd partner till your relationship is better then so be it. Poly relationship very from couple to couple.

You're not happy in the relationship. Sex is important to you, and he's not providing that. You're stifling yourself by being with someone who isn't sexually compatible. He either needs to learn how to match your desires or let you be with someone else who can do that.

Can you salvage this relationship for yourself if he would change his mind and become more dominant so to speak? You can have sex anytime you want, what is keeping you from doing this? (no need to answer but this is what u should ask yourself) would you rather find someone else just for sex? Why don't you try to assert more what you want and if he is not reciprical to you, then you know...

I have done it in the past, and as a 24f with a crazy high drive. I think of sex the same way I look at other facets in a relationship. It is important to me and is a requirement that needs to be met in the same way I need trust and commitment and honesty. If it cannot be met, then you will never be truly happy. If you aren't happy in it, and you can't truly get what you need, then why are you in the relationship.

Look, you are 22, is normal to be crazy horny. I know I was and I ended things with someone for this too.
Nine years later I wish I had broken up with him for a better reason.

So, if you are ready to get into the world of one night stands and/or friends with benefits, then make sure they don't see you as something else...
Guys tend to have this double standard of being ok with their friends living their sexuality, but they would never ever love or want something serious with a "girl like that" .

It can certainly be an issue. I was about to start seeing a woman when she notified me she had a very low sex drive. Hard stop. I've had more than a few relationships derail because of sexual incompatibility.

you should know yourself and know how important sex is. if it is a core value then yes you can try to work it out then breakup. just dont get sucked into a relationship then find yourself on /r/DeadBedrooms good luck

It is better to leave him now to find someone who matches him than to force yourself into unhappiness and cheating.
It's more misery by staying.
Just make sure he knows why you're going so there's no confusion.
You can do this.
Happiness for both of you later.

"It's windy outside today" is a good reason to break up with your boyfriend. You don't need a significant event to justify ending a relationship. One might make it hurt less, but ultimately you need to look out for yourself.

Way to know yourself Mami. I am the exact same type of female, which is why i only tend to hook up with people who have a high drive. I am very open about sex and I ask the other person a lot of questions. Communication is the sharpest tool in the kit of banging. It goes beyond that too though. Both of the peoples thoughts, needs, desires, feelings and fantasies need to be discussed. I am 32 years old now. I can have sex up to 12 times a day if the person is into it. Current record right now with new partner. Anyhoo, in my early twenties I tried dating people with a lower drive. Guess what always happened? We eventually broke up or I cheated. Feeling not desired by your partner is worse then getting punched. Worse then a lot of things. Doesn't excuse my lying ways back then but I think you get what I mean. Try talking to him, and if it doesn't pan out you are still young. You tried to make it work but sometimes even if you get along in other ways it can still be a relationship mismatch. Good Luck and Take Care!!

I have the same issue where I have posted in dead bedrooms. I'm married. You're not. He's really young and sex is important. Libidos do change over time. Does your bf masterbate or watch porn? Is he a gamer? These are the recurring themes in young dbs. If there is no other problem other than different libidos: is the relationship worth it to you?

Long answer: sometimes. It depends. Sex is complicated. Maybe there is a reason that he might not even understand himself. Some people are very closed off when it comes to sex and never spend the time to explore or learn about themselves. Maybe he has a medical condition. Maybe he's just not that sexual. Nobody knows.

Either way you should talk to him first and give him a chance to figure things out or attempt to fix the problem.

Lastly, it is possible to demand too much sex. Of course it depends on the guy.

Talk to him. Ride him often if it’s cool with him. Masturbate or get a good toy or four. Otherwise I don’t think you truly are in love with the guy. Don’t forget that males sexual drive ends much sooner than a woman’s.

Don't bother waiting and getting more emotionally attached. You aren't going to be happy. You already know it. Use this time in your young life to fuck around as much as you want. Also, look into polyamorous relationships if you want an open relationship. They can be really fulfilling because you get what you need from different people it takes the pressure off the one person.

Is having a bigger sex drive a good reason to break up? The fact that you're asking the question tells me that you want to break up and you just need a bit of a push. Breaking up really sucks, every time. I know what it's like to love someone and care for them but not be as serious as they are about you. It's hard to initiate the break up because everything else is so good.

The months following the breakup are hella lonely and confusing. But by the sounds of it, you'll be ready to turn over a new leaf pretty quickly after you break it off. Just try your best to make it a clean break.

If you’re willing to try different things before breaking up, you could always experiment with toys or viagra as a couple as it may get him in the mood or satisfy you when he’s not feeling it, or you yourself have a play, I’m the same my drive is through the roof and my poor bf can’t keep up at times so sometimes I just go off and have a lady wank 😂

Some others here have provided some really good relationship advice, but I wanted to put this out there. If he isn't having sex much but masturbates often, it might be that he has desensitized himself too much from masturbating with a very tight grip. Then, by contrast, a vagina (or anus or mouth) will never be able to feel as good. Talk to him about it and if this is some of the problem, get him a Fleshlight. Fleshlights are way less tight than his grip is, feels good but will allow him to kinda unlearn the deathgrip mentality. This also allows him some freedom to play around without the stress of making sure you enjoy it.

Also, it's quite likely that the first... Five times he uses it or so, he won't think it feels that great but keep him using it, and offer to help him by using it on him. After he breaks through the first few times, he will start to love it that way, and will probably find that the Fleshlight is better than his hand, but no where near as good as you.

Do you two really have that much varied experience together? Seriously. Does he need more warmup? Some dudes need kissing and foreplay, and a simple "hey let's fuck" just doesn't do it.

Have you tried experimenting with him? Trying different things in the sack? Does he have any kinks, undiscovered even? How u gotten out all of your kinks with him? At this point, what the hell? Try it.

Men are VERY visual...wear various things to spike his libido. Be a little slutty.

Mismatched sex drive isn't w reason to break up, but the inability to compromise in a way that everyone gets their needs met is.

I agree with the top comment that you need to communicate and work in solutions (if you haven't) before breaking up because everything else needs to be in order. I feel like a little compromise on each side can go a long way.

Most women's sex drive tanks in a long term relationship. Also, you're 22.

Sure, you could break up with him to fuck a bunch of dudes.

But if you stick with him, you'll probably get into your dead bedroom biological phase soon enough to where it won't matter anyway.

If you do decide to break up with him, at least have the self-awareness to stay out of relationships until you've fucked the hormones out of yourself and are ready to be committed to a person. If you just jump into a relationship with someone who starts off banging you a bunch, you're doing both of yourselves a disservice and will just end up moving on again.

tl;dr: stick with the relationship and person, or be single and fuck around

Even if he gives you more sex I think it will only be a band-aid and that as time goes on you will still crave sex with others. I personally know what that's like. Luckily I am now in a very happy marriage with someone similar and we found that swinging was the answer to our sexual desires.

"I really want out of this relationship so I can fuck as much as I've been dying to..."

There's your answer. Break up with him and go fuck as much as you've been dying to.

It's not your choice or within your power to dictate how or why someone perceives your reasoning for doing what's best for you. You cant sacrifice what you need or desire because it might hurt someone's feelings. It's clear from your post that sex is something you desire more than your partner does, enough to feel that you dont want to be in a relationship. For what it's worth, you may sinply not be a person who's compatible or content with a monogamous relationship at this point in your life. If you feel such a powerful desire to have sex just to satiate your libido, my advice would be:

Break up with him.

Have sex as much as you've been dying to/find people with similar high libidos.

What do you mean by have sex with other people?
You said you want to fuck as much you want and other similar stuff. I don't think you love him and I think you immature right now (it ok at 22). You are simply asking for dicks.. not an healthy relationship.. use tinder then.

If I were him and red this post would break up with you.

tl;dr
You are immature, break up with him now so you cause less damages

Have him get his Testosterone levels checked. Plus tell him u want it more. Low Testosterone can cause him not to want it, he probably has low T. Young guys can have low T. Get that fix and he might want sex more then u. Lol

Sometimes how deep you are in love equates to sexual desire. Males are usually peaking in activity in the 20s. I hardly ever believe sex is the problem when a woman says a man doesn’t want to have sex often. At least what can be considered often for your situation.

You people disgust me. Seriously.... Do you know how hard it is to find someone you love and they love you? That is rare and should be cherished. Instead everyone says sex is more important... Ok so should she sleep around until she finds someone who is sexually compatible? What are the odds they get along the other 23.5 hours of the day? What are the odds they have similar interests outside of sex? What are the odds they get along at all outside of sex? Something like that turns into a relationship based on sex alone. And those will always fail.

Yes sex is important but it's such a small part of a relationship. How many people will you date for months and fall in love, then start having sex and find they dont want exactly what you want sexually so you breakup with them and start all over again? It could be an endless cycle.

sounds like you are more on the addicted side, wait til you are an adult. then its like once a month if your life is busy.

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I mean it sounds like you are breaking up over sex...which is kind of stupid. physical sex should not make or break a relationship. you should be with someone who is your best friend, who you can have fun hanging out with, common interests, understand each other. sex should not be a huge part of a relationship at all, let alone a deal breaker.

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if it is a deal breaker for you, then your sex drive is wayyyy higher than average and I would maybe warn people in the future. I mean now he gets broken up with, by someone he really cares about, just because she wants more dick...that sucks for him.

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sounds like you like sex more than him, so for his sake you should probably end it before he gets any more attached.