In the early 1900's, famed author James Joyce wrote dozens of love letters to his... more »

In the early 1900's, famed author James Joyce wrote dozens of love letters to his wife, Nora. They were found many years later in the sleeve of a long forgotten book. And guess what? They're really gross. Now let's read them. « less

TO NORA.
TH OF DECEMBER, 1909, DUBLIN.
OH, MY SWEET NAUGHTY GIRL,
I GOT YOUR HOT LETTER TONIGHT,
AND I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO PICTURE
YOU [BEEP] YOUR [BEEP], IN THE CLOSET...
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
DO YOU STAND AGAINST THE WALL WITH YOUR
HAND TICKLING UP UNDER YOUR CLOTHES,
OR DO YOU SQUAT DOWN ON THE HOLE
WITH YOUR SKIRTS UP, AND YOUR HAND
HARD AT WORK IN THROUGH THE SLIT
OF YOUR DRAWERS?
DOES IT GIVE YOU THE HORN NOW
TO [BEEP]?
I WONDER, HOW YOU CAN DO IT. HMM,
OH, DO YOU [BEEP] IN THE ACT OF [BEEP], OR
DO YOU [BEEP] YOURSELF FIRST, AND THEN [BEEP]?
IT MUST BE A FEARFULLY LECHEROUS THING
TO SEE A GIRL WITH HER CLOTHES UP, [BEEP]
FURIOUSLY AT HER [BEEP], TO SEE HER PRETTY
WHITE DRAWERS, PULLED UP BEHIND HER AND
HER BUM STICKING OUT, AND A FAT BROWN THING
STUCK HALF WAY OUT OF HER HOLE.
YOU SAY, YOU WILL [BEEP] YOUR DRAWERS DEAR,
AND LET ME [BEEP] YOU THEN.
I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR YOU [BEEP] THEN DEAR FIRST,
AND THEN [BEEP] YOU.
SOME NIGHT, WHEN WE ARE SOMEWHERE IN THE DARK,
AND YOU FEEL YOUR [BEEP] READY TO FALL,
PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND MY NECK IN SHAME,
AND [BEEP] IT DOWN SOFTLY.
[INAUDIBLE]
WHEN I PULL UP YOUR DRESS...
WELL, NO USE CONTINUING.
YOU CAN GUESS WHY.
JIM.
MMM, CHOCOLATE.