Greetings from Phoenix, land of A Really Nice Airport In The Middle of Friggin' Nowhere..

Today Willard "Mitt" Romney, who recently polled behind John Cox (who is the answer to: What was Larry Craig looking for in the men's room?) at the Value Voters Hoohah & Jesus Jamboree, continued his presidential run against Hillary Clinton... unaware that he's got a bunch of other white guys standing between him and a nomination that he will most likely never ever get a whiff of, much less make it his bitch. Sez Mitt:

"Hillary Clinton had a choice. She could stand with our troop commander in Iraq, or she could stand with the libelous left wing of her party. She chose the latter. The idea that she would be a credible commander-in-chief of our armed forces requires the willing suspension of disbelief."

"Hah! Boo-ya, Hill", said the man who spent his Vietnam war years bunkered down in Paris, emerging occasionally to knock on doors and annoy the French...which is actually why they hate us to this day, and when we asked for help invading Iraq and they said "non", we asked why and they replied "Meet!" and then made an incredibly rude noise. You can look it up...

Mitt, you may remember, has his own little military detatchment; kind of a Blackwater for Mall Cop Flunk-outs:

In an apparent violation of the law, a controversial aide to ex-Gov. Mitt Romney created phony law enforcement badges that he and other staffers used on the campaign trail to strong-arm reporters, avoid paying tolls and trick security guards into giving them immediate access to campaign venues, sources told the Herald.

The bogus badges were part of the bizarre security tactics allegedly employed by Jay Garrity, the director of operations for Romney who is under investigation for impersonating a law enforcement officer in two states. Garrity is on a leave of absence from the campaign while the probe is ongoing.

Not to mention that the Romney family had five chances to serve with the military in Iraq....but they instead chose to go to Iowa and face the wrath of the butter-pat cow.

That took a willing suspension of courage.

If Mitt becomes President, we'll all be speaking either Russian or French within six weeks of his inauguration.