Was Joe Francis behind the video "announcing" that Tila Tequila and Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson were engaged? Possibly! Boris and Natasha-esque gossips Rush & Molloy this week found my sweet spot, as they set their moose-and-squirrel sights on two vile, vile creatures who maybe profited off of events that (intentionally or not) led to the death of Casey Johnson! Here's your money shot, Joe Francis:

Some insiders believe "Girls Gone Wild" pornmeister Joe Francis was the secret architect of the sad spectacle, which they say was designed to hype Tequila's Francis-financed Web site.

Lesson here: clearly, anybody who achieves fame on these levels whether inherited, or hustled, or by allegedly criminal acts (remember folks, Joe Francis has spent time in prison!) has serious, serious fucking issues. Be glad you're not them. Meanwhile, the Jets dedicated their game ball from last night's win to Johnson's dad, who owns the Jets, and all members of the organization wore bracelets yesterday in memory of Casey. [R & M, NYDN, and NYDN]

The movie Angelina Jolie is working on, Salt, needed some reshoots, or as the Page Six would painfully have it, "a pinch of fixing." So they did reshoots around New York. But the best part is the out-and-out denial game producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura is playing. Producers like to assert that they'd never mess with the integrity of the "talent," by which they mean "creative people," by which they mean, "fuckheads who don't know nothin' about money." The denials come at the end of the item, but to give you a nice example of how expendable the creative liberties that can be taken with creative properties (like screenplays are), just read near the top of the item, where they note that:

The reshoots were just the most recent hiccup in the project. In August 2008, before shooting even started, Jolie replaced the movie's original star, Tom Cruise. The script was rewritten to make the main character, Edwin A. Salt, into Evelyn Salt, a CIA operative accused of being a Russian sleeper agent.

The lessons, here?

1. Never become a screenwriter; you will be all but a body with warm blood in it to most of Hollywood.
2. Even Angelina Jolie has to do reshoots on her shitty movies.

[Page Six]

Jason Davis' family is trying to save him and somehow Tom Arnold got involved and became a ringer. Now Davis has hired professional sleaze-defendant Gloria Allred to take up his case, which obviously lends great amounts of credence to it. If I were a lawyer, I'd file a motion to dismiss based on the fact that Gloria Allred is in the courtroom, but, again, I didn't go to law school. I just read the gossip pages. [R & M, Second Item]

Sirius XM radio has noted that Artie Lange is more than welcome to come back to work for them after he recovers from his recent suicide attempt after some dumbasses speculated that Lange would be let go. Let go? A guy who tries to kill himself can go back on the air and you think they're gonna let him go? No, they're going to get him back on the air, so he can give his exclusive story to XM, aqnd they can pick up some extra ears. Though I doubt that was the exact process, that'd be a little too cynical. It was probably like, "What? You're gonna try to fire a guy who just tried to kill himself?" The better question is whether or not Joe Buck will invite him back, now. [Page Six]

A-Rod wants his non-centaur lover who isn't Kate Hudson to grow out her hindquarters. He's been taking her to the gym quite a bit. [R & M, Third Item]

Jessica Biel is getting medieval up Mt. Kilimanjaro, SON. [People]

My former "intern" Lydia Hearst is I guess hooking up with Ryan Cabrera who is a hedgehog-haired pop star thing that from what I can gather is a second-rate Gavin DeGraw? Lydia, if we tried to teach you three things at BlackBook, it was

1. The mail goes out at six.
2. Bad taste is a fireable offense. Tanuki Tavern? Bar 675? GIRL. You could've only done worse in that neighborhood had you hit up Paradou. Next time: Standard Grill, then Brass Monkey. Don't pass go.
3. For you, Ben Barna > All other men. At the very least, he'll tell you not to go to 675. [Page Six]

Lots of people who have penises and other various things put inside of them are in Las Vegas right now, and some of them had dinner next to Whitney Port of The City. Naturally, they were all at the Palms. Is there no accounting for TASTE, people? For fuck's sake. [Page Six]

Corey Feldman was in the neighborhood, too. [TMZ]

Some chick made out with some dude from Twilight. [R & M, Second Item]

Patti Smith told a publicist to fuck off. PUNK. But really, this is the third time in two months Patti Smith has been in Page Six, at least. So either her and her publicist hate each other or her publicist is just really that good. Either way: FUCKIN' PUNK. [Page Six]

A member of the perpetually losing New Jersey Nets was an asshole to everyone at Mansion/M2, which is funny on five different levels, but especially that he showed up, threw a bucket of ice at a busboy's head, got kicked out, tried to go back in, got kicked out again, escorted around the corner by some huge-ass bouncers you do not want to fuck with, and THEN came back a few nights later, called a waitress a bitch or something, and got kicked out again. That's not even the best part, which is the denial by his agent:

Williams' CAA agent Leon Rose denied any trouble: "Sean says there was not an altercation." A Nets spokesman had no comment.

My guy got kicked out of a club...twice? NOOOOOO. Related, all reps and publicists are full of shit. [R & M]

You don't have a good criminal trial until Martin Bashir is deposed, apparently. [Page Six]

Dennis Rodman got kicked out of a restaurant for being too drunk on the same day his Celebrity Rehab appeared. Artful. [TMZ]

Have you ever had a haircut at Warren-Tricomi? No? It's because you're broke, you poor motherfucker. Anyway, Joel Warren got the name of his boat tattooed across his chest because he caught a 500-pound blue marlin. In related news, I got the name of my dick—Col. Sanders—tattooed across my forehead because I realized it was twelve-feet long. And no, there aren't any pictures of it. Obviously. And quite frankly, I'm insulted you'd ask. [Page Six]

Mel Gibson ensured 300 Mexican prisoners would be moved out of the way for his next movie, Once Upon a Time in Sugartits. No, come on, it's not actually called that. [TMZ]

What's with all these good celebrities going to mediocre restaurants? Phillip Seymore Hoffman and Matt Dillion went to Barbounia? Guys. Come on. Then again, when you're an actor on that level, you can afford to go to overpriced shitty restaurants, I guess? Also, both of their agencies are in the neighborhood, so maybe their reps were footing the bill. I need some way to rationalize this. Other sightings: Rudy Giuliani was smoking meth a cigar at the Carnegie Club and OH. Look who's hanging out with Kid Rock at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas for his big VIP bash:

Hope they all went to go get decontaminated. OH, and if you see Joe Francis, please let us know what he's up to, because I have a feeling that his tag page is gonna need to be a whole lot larger around these parts over the next few months. [Page Six]

As always, thank you for your continued support of Gawker Weekends while we doing some cleaning up around here! Altarcations are coming at you later today, as is your typical weekend nonsense fun. Let's find out who stopped Newark for love! And apparently, there are people more annoying than Jonathan Safran Foer and his merry band of veggie villains. Can you guess who? Oh yes: meateaters.

More later. For now! How 'bout some Death Metal Rooster to start your morning? What about an Eels double-dose? Okay, Eels. You know what I like about the Eels? I have no idea where they're from. See how that works?