The Soapbox

The Soapbox allows you to stand up and have a rant, tell a bad joke, complain about someone or post stuff that that may not be appropriate for reading at work and/or isn't strictly IT industry related. It is rated M. Do not post anything offensive or which breaches the Terms of Use. Do not post programming questions (use the programming forums for that) and please don't post ads.

The SoapBox is not for flame wars, personal vendettas, or for grinding your axe. Trolling will not be tolerated. Anything inappropriate for this forum will be deleted immediately.

Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DDEthel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DDEthel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

My only recourse is to go to member profile and 'report as spammer' then 'report as abuse'.

I need those reps man, just one or two to see me through the day. It's not like I'm an addict, I just need the pick-me-up.

Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DDEthel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

What could possibly go wrong? We're the only ones who know about it and I've already set up my suck-poppits to obliterate you...

Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DDEthel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

I wrote to Jim'll fix It asking to meet Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter.

Panic, Chaos, Destruction. My work here is done.Drink. Get drunk. Fall over - P O'H
OK, I will win to day or my name isn't Ethel Crudacre! - DDEthel Crudacre
I cannot live by bread alone. Bacon and ketchup are needed as well. - Trollslayer
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often *students*, for heaven's sake - Terry Pratchett

One day the Pope was walking down an Italian road when he spotted a black magic shop in an alleyway.

Curious, he decided to go inside and look around. As he approached the counter, the woman behind told him they were doing a special on Voodoo Dolls.

The Pope thought for a few moments and told the woman he would like to buy one. She then informed him he would need to get the hair of the person he would like the doll to represent. He plucked some hair from his head and handed it over the counter. "You want a doll of yourself?" she asked. The Pope nodded and soon left with his doll.

The next day the Pope was visiting the victim of abuse at one of his churches. Producing the doll he said to the child, "Show me on the doll where the naughty priest touched you."

Asima Sharma,about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came to court.

The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied,"Well your honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help noticing her condition. "She sat under an ad sign that said, 'the Double Mint Twins are coming'' and I grinned.
"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Sloans Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
"Then she placed herself under a poster that said, "Williams big stick did the trick,'' and I could hardly contain myself.

"But your honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ''Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident,' ...

A newly married husband was discussing his honeymoon with a buddy.
"Last night around midnight, I rolled over, tapped my bride on the shoulder, and we had ourselves a performance! Later, about two o'clock, I rolled over, gave her a nudge, and we had another performance. Then, about four o'clock, I couldn't wait any longer. I gave her a kiss, she murmured and smiled, and we immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."
"A rehearsal?" asked his buddy. "Don't you mean another 'performance'?"
"No. A rehearsal is when nobody comes!"