Golden Locks To Go

Just like restaurants and doggie bags, they are about to be besieged with a flood of requests for "bunny bags" in which to take something along home for the rabbits. Manely, hair.

In other words, the barber's service of the future often will be, "One haircut to take out." Or, "Trim the sides, take a little off the top, and put it in a bag, please."

It's bound to happen. Now that The Morning Call's gardening expert has acknowledged the suspicion that rabbits may, indeed, keep their distance from human hair, gardeners and flower-bed fanatics who've been harassed in the past by cottontails are going to declare hair war. And they're not going to look farther than the mirror for their ammunition.

Barbers probably will rebel at requests to catch the clippings and bag them up to go. They may even consider an extra charge. Regardless, they may as well face it, and might even be wise to go all the way and sell the stuff. Run a sign up the peppermint pole advertising "Ready-Cut Hare-Scare, 25 cents an ounce." After all, there's bound to be a market out there among bald-headed gardeners who'd give anything except their eyebrows to keep the pesky rabbits away.

Since the human hair is supposed to be strung around gardens and edible flowers in netlike or mesh cloth, beauty parlors may be able to offer the best deals, bagging the tresses in old pantyhose traded in by green-thumbed customers: "One pair for a bag of hair."

The gardening columnist may have overlooked a drawback. If it's true human hair turns off rabbits, is it not also possible hair may be appealing to other pests? Gnats and mosquitos, for example, circle around hair like horses on a merry-go-round - the hairier the merrier. Which would you rather chase, insects or rabbits?

Meanwhile, the head of the house can hardly wait for my next haircut to start her new rabbit fence. "The usual Floyd - and do you mind saving it for my hare-net?"

It might be best to ask the favor before he gets out the razor to shave my neck?