Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Wednesday Comes But 52 Times A Year

Emails! Yeah, I get them. This is a cutting-edge blogging operation I'm running here. I fire up the AOL, my modem makes a crazy screeching sound, and in pour the electronical missives. Every day it still seems like a miracle to me, as though God Himself is making pee-pee right into my computer. Then I forget that there is no god, only Lob, and I flagellate myself for my impudence.

Anyway, here's a subject line that topped an email I recently received:

Yes, that what happen when Budnitz get angry. In fact, it looks like The Budnitz has burst out of its fenders like the Hulk bursts out of his shirts--that is, if the Budnitz had had any fenders in the first place, which it didn't. Either that, or it could just be The Budnitz on HGH. Regardless, having expunged the The Budnitz and its infernal ticking from my life, I feel a sense of relief, like when you extract a deeply-lodged booger, the kind that feels as though it's rooted somewhere on your frontal cortex.

Also via "God's pee stream" comes this short video via a reader with the improbable and likely fictitious name of "Paul Bowen:"

Fortunately, in lieu of using his brain, he had encased it in a piece of styrofoam:

“I shouldn’t have been reading a text while I was riding,” he said. “That’s the wrong thing to do. But at least I was wearing my helmet.”

"I shouldn't have been pleasuring myself while driving," said the man who drove through a sidewalk café as he reached climax. "That's the wrong thing to do. But at least I was wearing my seatbelt." Evidently wearing a helment has finally become a license to completely fuck up everything you do on a bike. I wonder if we'd see better bike-handling if helments were banned from triathlon.

Because they claim the founder is a racist, and in particular that he hosted a talk given by a "white separatist:"

The 2009 dust-up revolved around Calvert's hosting of a controversial white separatist Valdas Anelauskas at a local bookstore. Calvert ultimately apologized for hosting Anelauskas and distanced himself from the Lithuanian-born activists extreme views about race and other topics. The issue died out, but it has now come roaring back. RCA points to a recent picnic organized by Calvert that included a guest the group calls, "an individual deeply connected to antisemitic, white nationalist, and militant anti-choice organizing."

Anti-racists first raised the issue of Calvert’s antisemitic organizing in 2009, after Calvert and his cohorts in the Portland 9/11 Truth Alliance hosted a speech by Valdas Anelauskas, a racist organizer who proclaims that evidence for the Holocaust is “shaky.” Citybikes mishandled its response during 2009, making excuses for Calvert and declaring that no problem existed after Calvert issued a bogus apology, even though Calvert’s organizing against Jewish people continued unabated. In September of this year, anti-racists again drew attention to Calvert’s antisemitic organizing. In particular, we noted that Calvert twice gained venues for Fritz Springmeier, an antisemitic author convicted of bank robbery charges alongside a white supremacist accomplice. (Springmeier’s 1997 robbery plot also involved detonating a bomb at an adult video store as a diversion.) Footage of the Citybikes President giving an extreme antisemitic speech was also pointed to at this time, and Rose City Antifascists provided an extensive chronology of organizing by Calvert and his Portland 9/11 Truth Alliance organization.

And then I looked up this Valdas Anelauskas guy, and wouldn't you know it, he does actually sound like a boner-fried racist and Jew-hater. For example, here's his take on the history of the Holocaust, which he says is "shaky:"

Holocaust critics persecuted

In his rather hysterical June 20 letter, Bob Bussel decries any questioning of Holocaust history as a “profound act of intellectual fraud and moral bankruptcy,” a “loathsome and repugnant monstrosity.”

British writer George Orwell said that “who controls the past, controls the future,” and our perception of past events alsoshapes the way we look at the world around us today. The Zionists understand this, and know that the story of the Holocaust is crucial to their power.

This is why such harsh measures are being exacted against those who ask too many questions. The Holocaust history seems so shaky that governments have to actually imprison people who openly question it.

Today, it’s becoming more like the new state religion and, as in the Inquisition, people are being locked up again for questioning even the smallest detail of dogma — no matter what the evidence, no matter what the conflicting testimony or history. Anyone who breaches this faith will be deemed a “Holocaust denier,” and punished accordingly.

Therefore, as I see it, the “standard” version of the Holocaust history simply cannot be trusted as long as they’re jailing or otherwise punishing those who question it. To make jail sentences be your response to critics is exactly the same as getting up on a rooftop and shouting as loud as you can for all to hear: “I am lying!” Is anyone supposed to believe someone who, in effect, proclaims in this way that he’s lying?

VALDAS ANELAUSKAS - July 5, 2008Pretty creepy. Oddly though, Portlanders, who would probably boycott a café for serving milk from a cow that wasn't milked orally, seem mostly to be shrugging this one off--at least that's the way it seems in the comments on the BikePortand article. Alas, this is the one time their batshit hypersensitivity might actually be warranted, but instead they're just arguing about the correct definition of "fascist." Not that the shop should be driven out of business or anything, and I'm sure everybody there is wonderful (with the possible exception of the guy who organizes racist talks in his spare time) but Portlanders could at least write some more of their trademark outraged BikePortland commentary, or maybe organize a "The Day the Clown Cried" theme ride:

The quest to reinvent the bicycle crank is nearly as popular and quixotic as the quest to reinvent the bicycle wheel, and in this case the green pie is supposed to show you why the Z-Torque is better:

In other words, it compensates for the fact that you're riding a department store mountain bike. Still not convinced? Here's a race between a bike with a regular crank and one with a Z-Torque crank:

This proves conclusively that the Z-Torque produces the same effect of selecting a different gear.

Or, if you've got lots of money to invest but you're more the "patron of the arts" type, why not fund a documentary about LSD?

Here's the pitch:

THE PITCHThe story of Dr. Albert Hofmann is an interesting one -- an unassuming Swiss botanist, who very purposefully created LSD, then very accidentally spilled it on his hands, and evidently wound up being the first to learn of it's psychoactive effects. BICYCLE DAY is a fictionalized retelling of Dr. Hofmann's story and famous LSD-induced bicycle ride, combining live action sequences with digital and hand drawn animations from animators all over the country. It's a home-grown, nation-spanning, locally-produced, mind-bending, eye-opening, trippy-good time of a film and we want each and every one of you to be a part of it with us.

I see the concept behind the Etch-a-sketch cocker. You ride along drawing on it until you crash, say into French tourists' umbrellas or something; the crash shakes up the Etch-a-sketch, clearing the screen; remount, and repeat cycle.

Snobbie, have you been lurking on my hard drive?!? That picture of AC from Amstel Curacao 2007 is one of my all-time faves! Kinda like recumbabe for the fellas, this pic of Alberto all hot, sweaty, & tan is the one I like when I'm feeling all the right things at all the wrong times. Un moment, svp!

Somebody explain this to me like I'm in Kindergarten: If the relationship between where a pedal is attached to a crank and where that crank attaches to the BB is static and cannot change, how does the shape of the connection between those two points matter?

In that quote, Analauskas doesn't even make any assertions about the Holocaust, so if you're trying to expose an anti-Semite, it didn't work. In fact he seems to be saying that any idea that has to be protected by threat of force and imprisonment, should automatically be considered shaky and untrustworthy, which I agree with. If people have to use fascism to fight fascism, they're fascists.

The only thing the weirdly-shaped crank arm should do is affect the what the crank arm flexes under force. Otherwise, torque equals force times distance from the point of rotation, no matter how the force gets there.

===Somebody explain this to me like I'm in Kindergarten: If the relationship between where a pedal is attached to a crank and where that crank attaches to the BB is static and cannot change, how does the shape of the connection between those two points matter?===it doesn;t ''inventor'' is wrong

The only thing the weirdly-shaped crank arm should do is affect the what the crank arm flexes under force. Otherwise, torque equals force times distance from the point of rotation, no matter how the force gets there.===noyou forgot it is faster downhillbecause it weighs more :)wle

There's no doubt in my mind the Z-Torque has a different "Feel"(miniscule) than a conventional crank because of the angle of the arm changing the leverage fulcrum point. But not enough to warrant looking like a fucking idiot.

Adolfymous @ 1:26 - when is the last time you saw a holocaust denier getting jailed? he has no point other than denying something that undeniably happened and why would he do that? It doesn't take a big leap to see the guy for what he is.

I used to go to City Bikes but the potent smell of copious amounts of weed being smoked out back meant I couldn't go back there. Wow, Portland being a cow town compared to big bad NYC, wonderful that we get near daily mention in this blog, how else can we entertain you? @babbles: sounds like you hates our 'freedoms', better keep an eye on that border. Last time I crossed at Blaine, looked like some Portland tall bikers and Chunk666 types could easily take over. Have you seen your Alberta tar sands lately? Thanks bitches. Shameless plug: be sure to watch my cousin Mitt make Obama look like the Socialist he is, not nearly enough other countries 'helped' lately.

Z-Torque! It looks kind of zingy, it costs a lot, and it has aerodynamic holes! You will definitely ride faster with it. Just like you ride much faster with a Scattante Spandex Warrior jersey than with some old t-shirt.

JB @1:38, if you were arrested for yelling "Fire!" when there's no fire, it's for creating a dangerous stampede, not for questioning the idea that there's no fire. So no, you're following the logic wrong.

The fact that there's no fire is quite capable of defending itself, because it's obviously true. Same with any other idea that's true. But you don't get to find out it's true until you question it. So if the Holocaust happened, which I'm pretty sure it did, suppressing questions about it only delays your vindication.

I am against FREE SPEECH and CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS and believe that anonymous bullies should have the right to drive people out of business based on ugly rumors. Good job Blogger, let's see if we can find dirt on your bike shop. Perhaps an employee did something with the same sex. Ohhhh, years ago that would bring the police.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!