My son, Joseph, died on May 26, 2005 after one hour on earth. This blog helped me sort through my feelings and prepare for his sister, Eleanor Grace, born in July 2006. Here's the ongoing saga of learning to parent after a loss.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Anxiety

Like many of us in this circle of bloggers, my sadness and shock at Catherine's news is manifesting as increased anxiety for my own pregnancy. I think when something like this happens to us, we tend to feel somehow "immune" to it happening again, on the theory that lightning doesn't strike twice. This has been a sad reminder that that's just not true.

I sent back the doppler on Monday because the lease was up, and I'm already sort of regretting it. Most of the time the Pad moves around enough to be reassuring, but she's particularly quiet when I first wake up in the morning, and I find myself reaching for the doppler on the nightstand at those times.

Oh, and by the way, if you're a fan of "House" on TV and haven't watched last night's episode yet...don't. I love the show (and Hugh Laurie is so my imaginary boyfriend) but...just don't. Not what I needed before bed last night, for sure.

5 Comments:

I hate that false sense of security, that thought that because it happened once, it can't happen again. What a sucker punch that turned out to be! I wish there was something that could be said to make the anxiety go away. Something that would make sleeping at night easier. I just haven't found it yet.