Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Blessed Yule!

On this first day of winter we have cold rain pouring from the sky. There are floods in the towns & cities South of us, but none here, so far. This week has already been emotionally trying for me, as I found out in the early morning hours Sunday, that Erin has been using heroin. Now I can have one more thing that wakes me up in the night, one more thing that keeps me from getting to sleep in the first place & one more way I have to imagine him dying out there.

It's normal for us, especially in my generation, to worry about our parents dying, they are, after all, older than us & that is the natural course of events. We don't think of things like Mesothelioma so much these days, with work safety regulations being what they are regarding asbestos & such, even though it is what my own grandfather died from. My parents are fairly active & healthy for their ages, so I honestly think I worry more about Erin & Rhi dying than I do them, which is pretty depressing if I let it get to me.

Rhi qualified for a healthcare program, so soon she'll be able to get back on her medication & will start feeling much better, so I won't have to worry quite so much about her. Erin had given me a little hope that he was ready to turn himself in, serve his time & then get his life together, but nothing has been said since then, so I'm thinking he has changed his mind again. I hate when he gives me that hope & then tears it away like that, it's almost worse than never having any at all.

No comments:

About Me

Within ourselves lies a drive, a force that only makes sense to us. It is that force that can make a person crazy. Crazy is only what you make of it. In the past, most people have been trained to think that crazy is a negative thing... but I repeat, crazy is only what you make of it. Crazy is a state of mind comprised of desire, anger, knowledge, courage, fear and devotion. Crazy makes people fall in love. Crazy makes a musician and an artist talented. Crazy makes a dying man take his own life. Make what you will of this, but I cannot believe I would be any better off sane. Therefore, I am, and will remain, crazy.