February 19, 2008

Opening Up

Friday was a peculiar day, with most of my time spent at my computer trying
to coordinate various internet-related tasks and having varying levels of success with each. It began with the creation of a new email
newsletter...which made me want to update my website
announcing workshops I'm offering
this April...which made me need to re-arrange my navigation bar...which made me decide, "Why not add a video to my homepage?", and then, "How on earth
do I get the video into my website?" And on it went. I felt triumphant when I got the
video inserted into my website and then less than an hour later my
entire address book - a personal and professional mailing list I've
compiled over many years - up and vanished for no reason whatsoever.

Victory! Heartbreak!

The Olympic Games? A reality TV show?

No, just a day in my life. A day not unsimilar to
the days we all experience. Ups. Downs. Frustrations. Glee. In a word: normal.

I realized that my recent efforts towards connecting all of the Things I Do - or I should say my efforts towards sharing the Things I Do in a way that expresses their interconnectedness - is not about wanting to put forth some sort of image or ideal or glamorized version of myself. If anything, I feel like I am running the risk of diluting the titles I put on things like business cards. Artist. Writer. Swirly. If anything, I am trying to create something much broader, something that conveys the fact that I do many things and have many pursuits, but they are all linked by one overriding value, which is to create a passion-fueled life. If I wanted to simply be an artist, I would create art every day and try to get it sold and exhibited. If I wanted to be a writer I would write and try to get my work published. If I wanted to be a photographer...etcetera, etcetera.

But my life is not guided by just one thing, and I do not believe it is just one thing I do that makes my life worthwhile. I am learning instead that the possibilities for my life are much wider, broader and full of possibility than I have been imagining for myself - and I've dreamed BIG, believe me. The reason I know this is because the journey I am now on has connected me to some of the most astounding human beings on the planet, people who have their own amazing, inspiring stories to tell, and somehow we have found our way to each other. These connections are becoming more frequent, more meaningful and more life-affirming. I consider each new encounter a confirmation that I am on the right path.

I am an artist, a writer, a wife, a friend, a traveler, a housekeeper, a grocery shopper, an organizer, a photographer, a daughter, a blog reader, a website designer, an entreperneur, a runner, a cyclist, and a philosopher. I am not especially confident in the kitchen, get distracted easily, love road trips, have bouts of overwhelming fear and insecurity, and love the smell of celery salt. I am just living my life, and trying to make it as meaningful as possible. I am trying to do my best and to be authentic. I am trying to operate from a place of integrity every step of the way. I am trying to be a positive force in the world, and I have written of these things before. But I think I have been missing a huge part of the landscape that is available to me, and I now see that my life isn't about a specific title or job description; it isn't about accomplishing some grand goal that the rest of the world defines as success. It is about following my own path, expressing myself, trusting my heart and sharing my journey.

I will be writing more about this I know, as I continue to try to define exactly what it is I am talking about, but for now I dare you to expand the vision you have for yourself, for your relationships, your dreams, your work, your life. Dare to know that there is tremendous abundance available to you right now...at this very moment...and that there are so many things you do that play a part in creating a life that makes your heart sparkle. It is all the little things that create the larger story, the deeper meaning, the wider vision. Dare to throw the titles you've given yourself away and instead see that all the possible monikers you might have are what actually creates the unique tapestry that is you.

Comments

Sometimes I want to get a printer and print out all your beautiful posts back to back and make a book out of them. We all have so many roles and titles and responsibilities and dreams and individially and collectively, they do define us, and yet, can't begin to all at the same time.
" I am trying to operate from a place of integrity every step of the way."
That quote pretty much sums up why your blog is one of my favorites. I have to admit, I have gotten really burned out on both blog writing and reading, but there are a handful that I don't think I could ever tire of and this is one of them!

you always inspire me to step outside of my comfort zone. you were there during that huge epiphany for me. a time and place with you that i will reflect on for the rest of my life. a story i will tell my grandkids while i'm rocking in my chair. "when swirly and i were sitting on the couch, she helped me navigate my way around my core values...and to embrace my true feelings about focus".

Searching and searching for a little light revealing who I am. I declared 2008 a year to to fall in love or re-fall in love. So far, I am re-falling in love with many things that have shaped who I am today. The light seems to have grown from a dot to a faint glow. You have given me a little more to think about...

Society puts so much pressure on us to be one thing or another. I think the term for all those things you are, I am and so many others are "Renaissance Woman/Women." I think for the first time in a very long time, we (artists) are experiencing something wonderful. Change is becoming this wonderful and mysterious thing to be embraced instead of being afraid of. Finally, we all, who are called artists (or behind our backs, "flaky, indecisive, etc.) are living in "our" time. It is a wonderful time for expression and living to the fullest! It's wonderful that we are finding each other and spreading the joy of change and self-expression!

I love that you have written this so elegantly. It helps to know that I am never alone with the same dilemmas and that by you sharing your thoughts and journey helps me to feel somewhat grounded and normal. x

I am so glad you wrote this today. You have touched on this subject before and every time you do, does it help me release a big sigh of relief. It is ok to be many things. It is ok to have more than one job-title. It is ok to have a multitude of roles in your own life, and that of others.

Especially when it comes to defining myself professionally do I always struggle with a need to push myself through one hole, so that I can tell people, THIS is my profession. Well, for me, it doesn't work that way. I have done so many things that I am always tempted to say "I went to the university of life" - that's my qualification.

Only yesterday did I drive my husband crazy by telling him about how I wish to consolidate all the various websites I have - another indication of my "split" personalities. And then I had to laugh at myself. I always do this when I feel overwhelmed in certain areas of my life; I have this need to order it all and bring it under one roof. Well, I guess my LIFE is that roof, covering all my roles and personas and professions already.

I love what you wrote here, Christine! How often are we caught trying to "be" something... a given title that we aspire to become worthy of? Why not celebrate all that we "are" in this very moment... even if that version is undefineable! Heck, ESPECIALLY if that version isn't able to be defined by one label! Thanks for sharing... Add me back to your address book, girlfriend! Hugs, Shari

"It is all the little things that create the larger story, the deeper meaning, the wider vision."

I love that!

It is so true. All the little thins in my life had added up to a fuller, happier me. And over time more little things are coming my way and I am becoming a more developed, stronger, complex person. Complex in the way that as you said, more than one "thing" defines me.