Friday, May 14, 2010

The Fertility Battle (Month 4) and what I have learned

Tom and I have been seeking infertility specialists help for the past four months or so. It has definitely been a very trying experience for us! I never in a million years thought I would be in a situation like this. but life is full of surprises!!

At first we were absolutely devastated by our situation! I have felt like a broken woman, that is worth nothing. I have felt like a disappointment to Tom, and just a complete failure in general. There were lots of tears, and lots of 'why me's.' We are still right in the middle of it all, and it is still hard. But I have learned a lot from this experience so far, and I wanted to share those things with you today.

~I have learned how unconditional Tom's love for me really is. Like I said I have felt broken, but Tom has stood by my side and told me over and over again that no matter what happens he will love me forever. It is amazing to me how much that incredible man loves ME. Me of all people. i think that through this experience Tom and I have grown closer to eachother in ways I don't think would have happened otherwise. SO for that I am grateful!~I have learned to just get down on my knee's and pray when I dont think I have the strength to go on. Even if i think nobody underdtands what i am going through there is always at least one person that completely understands,and is rooting for me every step of the way. I am grateful that I have been able to take this challenge and allow myself to grow closer to my Father in Heaven because of it. Instead of turning my back on Him because of my situation.~I have learned that if you look hard enough you can find many people that are close to you that are going through the same things as you, and it is so important to cling to those people for strength and just for a listening ear. I am so grsteful for the people around me that have shared their privste stories with me, and who have listened to me. I feel for you all. i wish that you weren't going through this obviously. But at least we can draw strength from one another. I am so grsteful for those people who will just listen. it is amazing how much a listening ear can help heal a broken heart! I am also grateful that I now can have empathy for people who need my strength when they cant be strong. and vics versa.~Also I have learned that I am very grateful for Health insurance. Most insurance companies wont pay a penny toward infertility treatment! And I think that is absolutely ridiculous!!!! think about it..... if you are a greedy insurance company, wouldnt you want more humans on the earth so you can make more money on each family??? Come on insurance companies! You will make more money in the long run on my family if it is a family of 6 than the family of 2 it is now! Tom and i luckily have one of the only companies that does help cover fertility stuff. But what about all thsoe other couples out there who can't afford it??? It breaks my heart to know that there are so many people out there that could get pregnant with the help of a doctor but cant afford it because insurance companies are stupid!!! (sorry for my rant)

Well anyway tom and I have had just about every test we could have done, and hopefully have a plan in place now that will work for us in a few short months. I just wanted to write this to reflect on all the good that has come out of this experience for me. dont; get me wrong I wish i could get pregnant easily like most of you out there, but if i cant then I am glad I can still benefit from it in some way.

Hang in there girl! I know its hard to see it now but everything I know for a fact every stinkin thing happens for a reason and Heavenly Father has such a special plan for us all even when its hard for us to see it!I loved reading what you have gained from this experience and am excited to see whats next for you guys! Welcome to blogging its addicting! :)

Heather... I know what it is like to feel like a broken person... not when it comes to infertility, but you know, we all have our issues. Honestly, I've learned more from the broken parts of me than all of the countless perfect ones. I know that you will be a mother when the time is right. I'm so happy that you have Tom and that he is so supportive and loving to you. You deserve it.