Amy takes wrong turns in her vehicle and drives in circles.
I feel like she can ask me anything and I would tell her because I’m tired.
At fifty Amy is anxious about not having money when she’s older, if she continues to love me the way she has I want to give her whatever I have.
I like your 3/4 profile, Amy said.
When I look at her after not having been able to look at her she thinks I’m thinking about how old she looks. My wife said I stared at her mouth and would tell me to look at her.
When Amy is bored she tells herself it is not me she is bored with but with what goes on in her aleatory mind space.
You linger, Amy said.
I love to watch Amy pee.
Amy offered a scatalogical anecdote about having to shit, not having been able to shit for days, and taking it in Prospect park when she was in her late twenties. She had her small dog with her and wasn’t able to find a public restroom.
What are your thoughts on Stanger and Eugenics, I said.
She flirted with the idea in the 1930’s as did many, but ultimately took the side
of empowering individual women, Amy said.
Yeah, she was arrogant and outspoken and most likely hated the weak, I said.
Indeed, yet compelled to help them as a group Amy said.
Amy and I watched a documentary about a genius obsessive who sold soap and his message of the eternal father to the counter culture folks. Prominent blue veins made their way down Amy’s calves. I had seen them before and had thought them unusual.
When the tension builds between Amy and myself her red rimmed blue eyes twitch and she lowers her head and refuses to cry because she thinks I will use it against her.
Amy deflected my projection and set the tone with her sadness. I regretted having tried to break her down.
I used to see a sexworker, I said.
I disclosed my indiscretion to scare her and to win her over.

It was a luke warm grey January day.

Alex thinks she may get fired. She wants to go on unemployment.
Alex’s blind spots, apathy, and lostness make her an effective tormentor.
She appealed to my psychic powers and my vanity.
Do your psychic powers tell you anything about me getting fired, Alex said. It’s hard to tell sometimes between which is the psychic thought and which is the regular thought.
Alex’s sister sold their mother’s house and used her half to buy another house for herself.
Everyone wants to be free, she said. I want to be free. I have all this stress. I can’t deal with my job. My sister says I should take her to court.
I want to be there for you, I said. I want to be your friend.
I’m glad you want to be my friend, Alex said. I also want to be your friend.
If you get fired I won’t get to see you anymore, I said.
I can Facebook friend you, Alex said.
We already are Facebook friends.
I would like to see you have your money, I said.
I thought of my cloak and dagger scruffy snub nosed lawyer, my father who said that lawyers existed to manage family feuds, Saint Francis who mediated aristocratic family feuds, eighteenth century duels, erectile dysfunction, and wagging transexual cock.
I want to go on unemployment, Alex said. I want to baby sit.
I gave her a hug. She felt thinner than when I last felt her. I wanted to feast her on booze and viands.
Alex has given me an opening, but I don’t know how to take advantage of it.
I don’t know how to insinuate myself more than I already have.
I want to feel her lissome thighs how I did in August. I’ve never been good at making myself useful. I’m terrified of regression and the labyrinth with the syringe in it.
Desire and betrayal can be a lead.
Pain and its many characteristics never cease to amaze me. The range of pain a human being can feel, one pain supplanted by another, is endless and I commend it.

Desire and betrayal can be a lead.
Pain and its many characteristics never cease to amaze me. The range of pain a human being can feel, one pain supplanted by another, is endless and I commend it.

I never want to see my sister, said Alexis. She did what she did. Now we know what she is about.
I think Alex should see a lawyer. I would pay for the initial legal fee. She was suing her ex boyfriend for money he owes her.
I like how Alex loses interest and wants to use me, but doesn’t know exactly how to do it.
How were you last night, said ALex.
I was conversational, I said.
The moon was in cancer, ALex said. I had lots of insights.
Alex works two days of the week and is still on unemployment. I want more of her down on her luck garish eye shadow and sallow skin. I want to see every angle of her Czech face, every facet of her atypical person.
Alex wanted to sell her Toyota Corolla. She had her eye on a vehicle that was out of her price range.
Alex’s complexion is not as good as it usually is.
She’s looking for a reason to fire me, said Alex.

About The Writer

Paulus Kapteyn Paulus Kapteyn

Paulus Kapteyn is a writer artist. His work has appeared in several magazines. He lives in Portland, Oregon.

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