I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY "IMAGE" You want to know why this statement doesn't scare me? You want to know why I could give a rats behind what other people think about me...? Because I OWN my actions. It's called responsibility, honesty and being transparent. I try to live my life the best I can and that means accepting that I mess up, a lot. But I don't try and cover over those mistakes so others think I'm this "perfect little princess". WE ALL HAVE FLAWS. Please don't try and pretend like you don't. We can't always make ourselves proud,... Continue reading

There are infinite amounts of wisdom hidden in others decisions. It's amazing how we can discover the things that really do and don't matter to us by watching the examples of other people. You can learn from their mistakes, their triumphs and by the ways they prioritize their lives. People matter. Their feelings matter, their hearts matter. When we get hurt by those we trust it is far more painful than when a stranger does us wrong, or when some unexpected turn of events throws us under the bus. Because when those we trust hurt us, it wounds us in... Continue reading

We can't be perfect, no matter how hard we try. We can't always get straight A's, have good hair days, or be everything to everyone. We can't read minds, predict the future or prevent pain or disaster. What we can do, is far more important than any of those things. We can always tell the truth. We have to learn that there is no life in lies, they don't solve problems, they only create them. Being honest with ourselves and those we love is probably the best gift we could ever give or receive. We all mess up, and sometimes... Continue reading

It's such a curious thing, life. Really, it is. When we were younger, when something unfair would happen to us, our parents would always say "Well life's not fair." And I'm sure those things weren't fair. Ice cream cones should always be the same size, and bike rides always the same length of time for those sharing. But until something really unfair, really just plain crazy sucky happens to us, its hard to realize all the petty things in our lives we fuss over. After awhile, time starts really picking up the pace and the best you can do is... Continue reading

Apparently when I get bored, I cook. And of course by bored, at this time of year, I mean furiously procrastinating writing papers and studying for finals. So in the past week I have baked three, count 'em, three times. I have made breakfast nearly every morning and managed to make some killer homemade guacamole. Oh and spaghetti, pizza, mac and cheese, the usual culprits. Point is, domestic apparently looks good on me, sans the whole cleaning bit. My house runs rampant with clothes, shoes, newspapers etc but the kitchen is always cookin' up somethin' wonderful. Let me tell you,... Continue reading

I haven't been writing very much lately because surprisingly enough, a joyous life is full of far less writing material than a lonely and scared one... Life is full of paradoxes. When you stop looking for something, you'll find it. When you're finally okay alone, someone comes along and dares you trust again. In the darkest, scariest moments of our lives we find the greatest hope. My heart is heavy with worry for someone I love so very deeply. She is the most important woman in the world to me and I can not even begin to fathom my life... Continue reading

I move into a fabulous new house on June first with three other girls. I could not be more excited. I have an interview for a swim-coaching job next week, (fingers crossed.) School is kicking my BUTT. I am the new CASE/ASAP Alumni Chair for Emporia State Ambassadors :) I still love my dog more than anything in the world, and he gets cuter every single day. But soon, oh so very soon... Ice-cream cones Daisy Dukes Long Warm Nights My first Country Stampede experience My first trip to Virginia Beach Slushies Swimming GETTING TAN!!!! Long long long walks Sand... Continue reading

All of the junk, all of the yuck, never makes sense until the light breaks forth and you see the clear blue sky. All of the storms, the lonely sleepless nights, the heartaches, the struggles, they are only painful until your life begins to change. Then you realize that we can't feel bliss unless we have felt pain, we cannot see the rainbow unless we wait out the rain. I have always searched for someone to make every thing right. I always though it was "him" that would make me complete, turn the corner, shield me from the downpour. But... Continue reading

I've lived too long in a place where I can be reached" -Rumi It's good to get to know yourself. I mean, we create relationships with others by getting to know them, talking to them, spending time learning about them. So who ever though that we would be good at relationships if we didn't know what we ourselves are like. Be in your moment, your element. Get excited about you, not about being someone's someone. Travel alone, spend lots and lots of time alone to the point where you don't need to be with people to feel okay. Need yourself,... Continue reading

I'm a people person. I don't like numbers or paperwork. I don't like long arduous tasks or data-collecting. I LOVE people. I love everything about people, their drama, their unpredictability, they way they adapt and change, grow and learn. I love their stories, their hopes, their challenges. I love to find out what makes them who they are. This is why I love being a waitress, because nothing makes me happier than turning a stranger into a friend, than putting a smile on someone's face. This is why I can not wait to teach, so that I can interact with,... Continue reading

It's an interesting observation that when seasons change, people tend to make changes in their lives too. It's a good thing really. Old with the old, in the with the new, a few times a year. It keeps us fresh, on our toes, attentive to our own needs. This spring weather is bringing a refreshing breeze into my life, an unveiling of past assumptions. I figured some things and some people out and it's helping me realize why I am where I am and where to go from here. I've been dealt some pretty low blows by some pretty unsavory... Continue reading

Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, because of a readiness within us and a collaboration with events occurring around us, we are forced to seriously reappraise ourselves and the conditions under which we live and to make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives.- Frederick F. Flack I've heard advice given to people that are trying to quit smoking that they must replace the habit with something else. They can't expect to be... Continue reading

I got pulled over because I had a headlight out. Driving home (sober, DD thank you) from Desperados at 12:40, clearly the guy just wanted to bag a drunk tonight. Well I was being responsible mister officer man. Thanks for giving me a warning that will go on my PERMANENT RECORD all because of some stupid light. Eff. It's really hard to sleep when your mind never shuts off. Mine is a continuous stream of emotions, of thoughts, of dreams, prayers, wishes. Some of them really really stink, and others make the stinkers seem less stinky. So I sit in... Continue reading

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS NOT A PERSONAL PITY PARTY. I MERELY WRITE WHAT'S ON MY MIND BECAUSE IT HELPS ME, NOT BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO CRY ABOUT IT. I feel like the majority of people I know live in a gray world. They know what's black and they know what's white and they mix a little bit of it all in their lives. It makes for quite a messy tumultuous life. A world of complacency, a life devoid of true passion and definite consequences. They teach themselves to be numb by living in the gray. I'm a black and... Continue reading

Old habits die hard. Very, very, very hard. Life is easier when it's in a pattern, when you can predict your next move. Everything becomes maneuverable, manageable, navigable. When you get hit with the same pain, the same mistake, you just think about what in the world you did last time this happened and then you do it all over again. It's safe and it works, most of the time. But when patterned wounds are ripped open, they get a little bigger each time. And the old patch is made to fit the original size of the wound. What you... Continue reading

Life is such a paradox. When you think you need something is most likely when you really don't need it. And when you have finally decided you're okay on your own, not only okay but good and happy on your own, then someone comes along and says hey open your heart again. We build walls to keep the world out but what we end up doing is locking ourselves in. It's handy really, we can easily manage when our world can be held within our own two hands. Then someone says hey, let go and hold my hand. We panic... Continue reading

I've said it once, I've said it a million times. I'll say it again. Life is what happens while you're busy making plans. It's what I do, I'm a plan-maker. I made plans for dinner tonight, I'll make weekend plans, spring break plans, even summer plans. And then life comes along and says "Hey, think again." So do I ever stop making plans? The logical answer would be yes. Logic says, don't put your hopes out in the open where they're vulnerable to be dashed. Logic says, your plans will change, so why even bother. I bother because logic isn't... Continue reading

Spring needs to come NOW. I'm sick of this slushy nastiness. I got my cartilage pierced. I also did the worm at Desperado's and won 20 dollars for my mega-awesomeness. Therefor, my ear, back, ribs and knees hurt. Yuck. Thank you Darius Rucker for writing one of the best songs, ever. History in the Making is AWESOME! The clothing monster in my room has reached epic proportions. Laundry must be done. I still haven't seen avatar and I want to, real bad. I also want to see Dear John. Sigh, cue the weeping. I've been making toasted cheese sandwiches for... Continue reading

Everyone warns us in our adolescence that "These days are going to fly by, enjoy them while you can." I never believed them, until it started happening. At this point, I'm halfway done with college, two years away from a career and the start of literally anything I want. I have dreams that are bursting me open at the seams. When I walk across that stage in two years I can go anywhere, and become whoever I want to be. That thought is frightening. It's a difficult balance to everyday make the decisions that will make me happy in the... Continue reading

My life is one Shakespeare play after another, one early world literature story after another, one young adult novel after another. I read three and a half books last week. That doesn't include my textbook reading either. This is going to be a LONG semester. I'm sensing a pattern in my life. I won't disclose what that pattern is yet, I kind of want to see what happens this time. Here are some things that make my mind wander and forget all the madness lately: The world is at my feet.. yada yada yada. Can I go here PLEEEEEASEEEEE?! And... Continue reading

Every time we face new changes in life it's extremely important to gain perspective on our situation and not let it become bigger than it needs to be. You have to identify why the change is happening, whether it's good or bad and what you're going to do to get through it. For me, these changes haven't really stopped coming for about the last six months. Unfortunately, it has taken me this long to gain perspective. I'm learning that being alone doesn't necessarily mean being lonely, that it's important to count your blessings, and that more than anything, you have... Continue reading

Don't Stop Believing by Journey is without a doubt my favorite song of ALL time. I've been listening to it a lot a lot lately and it never ever gets old and my vocal cords are certainly exercising muscle memory when belting it it my freezing car attempting to stay warm. Now go back one period and read the longest run-on sentence ever. Hah. I have a dog. I miss this woman and her ever-loving heart. I love this quote, and the impact it has had on me. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear... Continue reading