The Surprising Thing That Helps Me Avoid Mom Burnout

by Mary Sauer on October 5, 2015

Mary Sauer

About the Author

Mary is wife to Chris and mama to Clementine with a second little one arriving this spring. She spends her days on the floor with her rough and tumble one-year-old or standing over her stove dreaming up new recipes. Her nights are spent working on an inpatient mental health unit, where her heart breaks for the broken, abused, and marginalized. In her free time, she writes on her blog, The Sauers, about motherhood, faith, her love for food, and natural living.

About the Blog

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At 24, I gave birth to my second child. I had my first right after turning 22. I am definitely still young, younger than many moms who have two children. But sometimes I forget how young I am when I am elbow-deep in diaper changes, managing the budget and doing laundry for my family of four. I don't mind any of these things. In fact, I kind of enjoy homemaking most of the time. I have always been drawn to responsibility -- maybe that is why I got married and started a family so early in life? My mother would tell you, I was born grown up. I was serious and thoughtful and fairly well-behaved most of the time.

I guess you could say the responsibilities of motherhood suit me and my personality. I love being a mom, and I love how my new life as a work-at-home mom has allowed me the freedom to throw myself into the everyday routines of childcare and playtime. Most of the time, I don't even think about how many of my college friends are just now tying the knot, living kid-free lives abroad or living the life a starving artist. Most of the time, I am fully present in the beautiful life my husband and I have built together.

But there does come a point when Mama needs a break. Inevitably, I become consumed by my responsibilities, and I start to take my to-do list too seriously. Or sometimes when I am feeling exceptionally burnt out, I start avoiding my to-do list in favor of things I don't even enjoy all that much, like binge watching Gossip Girl for the second time around. My motherhood burnout isn't pretty, so I try to avoid it at all costs.

Up until recently, I wasn't sure how to avoid becoming burnt out. I made the mistake of assuming I need what every other mom seemed to need: a glass of wine with a friend, an afternoon at Starbucks with a book or maybe a pedicure. I tried all of the "normal" self-care type of things, and they were nice. But nothing was really pulling me out of my funk. And then, a few days after my 26th birthday, my favorite band came to town. Even though I had to be up at 5:30 a.m. for work the next morning and my daughter was still nursing every two hours at night, my husband encouraged me to blow up my responsibilities for one night and go do something fun.

And it was fun. It was so fun. I had a beer, danced and sang in a dive bar in a nearby college town, and cheered at the end of each song until my voice was hoarse. Leaving the bar that night, I felt something I hadn't felt in a really long time. I felt young. I felt irresponsible and carefree. And when it came time to clock back in as mom-of-two, I was refreshed and ready to give it my all.

In the weeks following the concert, I thought a lot about what was so different about that night compared to my many failed attempts to avoid mommy burnout. What I was realized was this, I didn't need to be doing all of the things moms are "supposed" to do when they need a break. I didn't need a manicure or a martini. What I really needed was to go to a concert, get out of town, stay up way too late, laughing and about ridiculous things -- you know, all the things I was doing before I became a mom.

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