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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Is it possible for those that have died to come back and visit us? Maybe give us signs that they are still around us? You hear stories of such visitations all the time. Or is that just grief? Is it just the way for the living to deal with the loss of a loved one, looking for signs all around?

One young victim of the terrible Rhode Island club fire of 2003 seems to be reaching out to his family from beyond the world of the living...from beyond the grave. And the number 41 is significant to him and his grieving family.

Nick O'Neill was 18 years old, and was a member of a metal group, Shryne. His young band was to open for Great White at The Station on February 21, 2003. Nick had decided to go to the club the night before to check everything out. That night, the pyrotechnics were ignited and burned the club down. More than 200 were injured, and 100 people died.

Growing up, Nick's loved ones joked about the boy's fascination with the number 41. He'd point out the numbers all over the place - on a sport's team jersey, on TV, on a license plate, everywhere. It seems after Nick's untimely death, he's using the number 41 to communicate to his family.

The signs are so compelling, Nick's father, Dave Kane (pictured upper right), wrote a book titled 41 Signs of Hope. It tells of his family's loss and the profound signs all around them from their departed Nick. Dave Kane points out just a few of the signs:

* Nick lived to be 18 years, 23 days old; 18+23=41* The club, The Station, is at latitude 41.41

* A song Nick wrote for his girlfriend, found after his death, runs 5 minutes 41 seconds

* Nick's brother, David, new cell phone number ends in 41

* Nick wrote a play called "They Walk Among Us" about three teens that die and become angels in order to protect a gay teen being harassed. Nick's parents had never seen the show performed at the local Woonsocket theatre, so they decided to attend a performance in Nick's honor. During the intermission, the power went out and the 600 audience memebers were told to exit. Suddenly the power came back on...at 8:41. One of Nick's brothers was actually staring at his watch, and knew the electricity would return right on the minute.* A plaque installed at the Woonsocket Theatre where Nick performed and wrote a well-received play for was randomly placed on Row 4, seat 1 (no one at the theatre knew of the significance of 41)

* A music box Nick's mother received as a gift started playing by itself, with no prior winding, at 9:41. The song that played was titled, "You'll Never Walk Alone." Interestingly, the song is from a musical called "Carousel"which is a show about a young guy that dies and comes back to watch over his grieving family. That gave me a chill.

*Nick's other brother, Bill, was recently trying to decide which music college to go to - one in San Francisco or one in Connecticut. When visiting the school in California, he went to a restaurant and was seated at table 41. Lookng out the window, he noticed a bus going by - it's number: 41. When his check came, the seriel number ended in 41. When he visit the school, he studied the college's plans for renovations which included 41 practice rooms, 41 studios, and a recording studio that measured 411 square feet. (I did some digging and found that there's a second new stuidio built that measured 414 square feet).He later realized San Francisco's area code is 415 and the zip codes begin with 941. How many signs does a guy need? Bill enrolled in the school shortly thereafter.

Is this all just coincidence? Or is the work of so much grief, that the family is simply more aware of the number 41? Rabbi Earl Grollman, a grief counselor and author of many books about dealing with the loss of a loved one believes that people naturally look for signs from the departed. "They need to feel the person is still with them. It brings them a lot of comfort and a lot of hope. It's a very natural thing" Grollman says.

It's not just the immediate family experiencing the signficance of the number 41. Cousins, uncles, aunts, and Nick's friends have all had some sort of communication with Nick. In fact, Bella English, a reporter for the Boston Globe had her own weird experience during her interview with the family. Nick's parents showed Ms. English a video of Nick's play, "They Walk Among Us." When the video was over, the time on the machine read 4:11. After the interview, she waited until the newspaper's photographer arrived before leaving. When she started her car, she glanced at her clock and it was 4:41.But again, is this simply a case where the mind is more aware of something when it's pointed out? Think about it. Someone ever tell you about a song or TV commercial, and it's something you've never seen or heard. But after having it pointed out to you - it seems that damn song or commercial is coming on every 5 minutes? Or how about after you buy that new car. After your awareness is peaked, now you notice your same make and model of your car all over the place!

Whether it's a brain recognition thing, a grief thing, or a spiritual thing, it's still important to Nick's family. No amount of arguing is going to change their minds. They believe their son is still with them, and gives them plenty of signs to let them know he's there. Even when they least expect it. Like this one final example for instance:

After Nick's death, a relative was showing home movies from years ago. In it, Nick is still just a baby, and his mother is lifting him up, lovingly for the camera. He's wearing a cute baseball outfit, and he's smiling happily. The baseball cap reads...41.

57
comments:

I've been wondering about this. It makes sense. I have a repeating 4 digit number in my life that I can't disclose because it showed up on my credit card and license plate. Of interest, I recently heard about a boy born of the 7th of the month, at the 7th hour. He weiged 7 pounds. Cool!

It's amazing what the mind can achieve when trying to justify something. It can percieve signs anywhere. Choose two digits and if you to walk around and really pay attention you can find them everywhere. (This comment has forty one words)

I tend to agree that it's a trick of the mind, the awareness of certain trivial details gets heightened-- it's not a matter of those numbers appearing more frequently, it's a matter of the brain noticing that number and being more aware of it.

Cool, but maybe it's just the number five? After all 23 days is 2+3=5 and of course 4+1=5. The cell phone ended in 41? Ok, but there were other numbers too, right? 4:11 and 4:41 also have the numbers 11 and 44. San Fransisco's area code is 415? There's the 5 again! And a zip of 941xx? What about the 9?

Tom Seaver's number was always 41 also. I had a friend at work that had the extension of 4141. He would tell everyone that his extension was Tom Seaver-Tom Seaver.

I'm glad they have something of their son-brother-friend that they can hold onto. That's what's important.

ozy and perplexio, My favorite example is a new song. Someone points it out to me, it seems to be playing all the time. It's my mind focusing on it, pulling it out of the rest of the stimulus around me.

michele, that is a lot of coincidences. Apparently, there's more examples too. I'm not so sure about being dead and that's it. I have my own story...I might tell it someday.

tai, and the family has reached out to other families that have lost loved ones.

pixie, yes, it sure does.

brianalt, It's the family picking out the 41s in all those combinations that seems to speak out to them. It brings them comfort, it seems.

I think ozymandias and perplexio have it down. I tried searching Pubmed for primary literature, but in the few minutes I could spend on this now I wasn't able to hit upon the right search string to call up the papers I reckon are out there. But memory is screaming at me that this is a classic example of differential perception, of "seeing what you wish to see". But, as brianalt and fated have said, don't go out of your way to tell the family. Grief is hard enough to deal with without dissing what helps you cope.

Sounds uninspiring to me.I mean, good if his family finds comfort, but the truth is, 24 times a day the clock says something:41.I think they're just hypersensitive, but if it helps their grief, then good.

dabich, I think for those that share their beliefs, it's pretty profound.

curare, I thought about that a lot and asked a couple people well versed in this sort of thing. They said that those that die exist on a different vibrational plane. In order for them to communicate with us in any way, it takes an incredible amount of energy. Like holding your breath underwater...you can only do it for so long.

fated, it must be tough to lose an 18 year old son.

o ceallaigh, I'd like to do some research as well on the topic.

jay, uninspiring? I wouldn't go that far. Healthy skepticism is good, but I think burying your youngest child is going to fuck up even the most put-together person.

starbender and jay, i agree...there's one more twilight zonish thing that happened. look below at my next comment.

I'm not a mathematition (or a good speller) but 4 and 1 showing up "randomly" happens about 20% of the time in life right? The issue here is that all these people KNOW the number 41 and relate it to him. Therefore they look for it. Just like when I see a guitar I think of my grandpa, or hear an old song and think of an old flame.

There is a psychological construct behind this, I can't remember what its called (its linked to Psychometrics though - I tried looking through my old notes but the hard lump in the middle only let me get through one box) but its basically saying that our brains look for patterns and meanings in everything (see dream research and after death experiences for some explanations). Once a number is "sacred" in our minds we search it out subsconsciously.

Chances are good that if they did a study on this family and looked at the mere volume of numbers they are exposed to every day, they would fall on the curve of normalacy.

Now, that being said, I do beleive in the afterlife. When my grandpa passed last year, the next night the Rugrat was giggling and talking at 3 or 4 am, I went into her room, and covered her up and settled her back down. On my way out of the room, her Leap Frog table went off. It was in the corner of the room, far away from me. One of the colored keys went off in a sing-song voice. The color? Yellow. Sounds like hello dosent it? It didn't freak me out, if anything I thought of my grandpa. It's kinda interesting considering he was a "music" guy, loved it all his life, makes sense he would use the only musical instrument in the room to reach out.

For me, I can rationalize it using logic I was taught and psychological constructs. However I prefer to think it was his way of saying he was OK now (he was suffering from Alzheimers and in an almost infant like state before he died).

You know what? Thats all that matters to me. I'm at peace with his passing, I miss him, but I don't try and convince myself that it was just a shift or jiggle that set it off (that night and the next night, same thing). It just was.

8 seems to be our magic number around here. my son was born 08-08, at 8lbs exactly, my daughter 12-28, my husband and i are 8 years apart, our bdays 8 days apart...had another daughter that was 8lbs.....just a couple examples of 8 in our lives.

i'm not sure, you do pose a good question though, are we just looking for these coincidences?

I think all of that is amazing. I would never presume to know if it is all coincidence or not. Who are we to act as if we really know?I am so glad that Nick's family is finding some comfort.May 41 show up around them until they see him again in the afterlife!

You all bring out good points. Like I said before, I think a healthy skepticism is the best way to approach things like this.To utterly dismiss it completely or to fully believe everything you hear is the same to me.

I think with matters of life and mystery, only personal experience is the real truth.

For this family, burying their youngest son was such a nightmare. But they are reaching out to the families of the other victims, and how can that be a bad thing?

Nick was talented. He was a playwright, a musician, a singer, and a songwriter...all before the age of 18. He accomplished stuff many older adults never get to do.

Holy moly. I got chills reading this, especially the bit about the jersey when he was a baby.

There's coincidence and then there's stuff like this.

I recently lost my dad and found myself waking up a lot at night, every night at 2:24 am. One night I was up, prowling around when I found my notebook I had with me in the hospital. In it I found a letter I had written to him and for some reason had written the time in the corner. Letter written at 2:24 am. I had typed the letter into a private blog for my dad and stared at the time stamp. It read 3:26 am. Dad had died at 3:26 pm. I'm no longer waking up at 2:24 am.

There's too much unexplained out there. And this was truly goosebump material. Glad I stalked O'Ceallaigh here.

I have nothing new to add in the sign vs. psychological construct debate, but to my mind, to a family that's grieving, it really doesn't matter. If 41 gives them comfort, strength, and a smile, then it's really a sign, random or not. Reality is partially what we make it.

jenna and carae, I agree with you both. Sometimes, profound occurances are best left unexplained.

I have a friend that worked in a hospice...she dealt with death every single day. One story she told was that of a watchmaker.

The guy was a sweet old man, and still loved to work with watches and clocks until his physical disabilities no longer made it possible.

He died in the middle of the night, with the nurses trying to revive him. But it was no good. The clock he had made and that was at his bedside stopped at the exact moment of death. The nurses were stunned, and it still gave my friend the chills everytime she tells that personal experience.

I'm not a religious person by any means - though I feel a little spiritual sometimes. I, too, have a number I find significant. It is a tough one - while I think that it is easy to misconstrue something or simply spin the facts to fit what you believe, I can't help but feel like there is some energy out there. Then again, maybe that's just life...

fell in love with 1st girl i asked out on a date,she passed away in car accident 2 months later on the 7th month in year 88,roughly 7 years ago started to notice 788 or 887 on licence plates directly in front of me about 20 to 25 times a day,at grocery checkout the girls total bill was 88,70,left to pump gas and pump stopped at 7.88,all told i see these 3 numbers with alarming regularity 30 times a day,every day,very confusing

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About Me

Blogging since 2005.
Medical sales warrior by day, writing ninja by night...
I am the author of The Mechanica Wars series. The first book, Dragonfly Warrior, will be published in January, 2014 by 4 Wing Press.
I love science fiction, fantasy, literary fiction, biographies, and chocolate chip cookies.
info@jaynoel.com