So THAT'S How It Feels...

Can men know how women experience clitoral caresses? Yes.

Can men ever know how caressing the clitoris or vaginal lips makes women feel? Can women ever know how fondling the head of the penis or the scrotum makes men feel? The short answer is no, if you don’t have a clitoris, you can’t know how it feels to touch it.

But that’s not the whole story. Male and female genitalia both develop from the same embryonic cells and they’re wired into the nervous system the same way. The genders don’t differentiate until late in fetal development. While one gender can’t know precisely how erotic stimulation makes the other feel, an understanding of genital embryology can help lovers appreciate each others’ bodies and pleasure more intimately.

The Clitoris = The Head of the Penis

The embryonic cells that become the head of the penis (glans) in men become the clitoris in women. As a reault, touching the clitoris feels like touching the glans—except for one thing. The clitoris and the glans each contain some 7,000 sensory nerve endings, a greater concentration of touch-sensitive nerves than any other part of the body. But the clitoris packs them into a volume only about one-tenth the size of the glans, so touch for touch, this concentration of nerves makes the clitoris more sensitive than the glans.

This super-sensitivity is the reason why, unless the woman requests otherwise, the clitoris should be caressed very gently. In porn, the men sometimes rub the clit the way you rub sticks to ignite a fire. That’s too rough. Many women feel discomfort—even pain—when men are not very gentle with the clitoris. Even when fondled gently, direct pressure on the little bump with a finger, lips, tongue, penis, or sex toy may be hard to take. There is nothing wrong with women who feel this way. If a woman has a super-sensitive clitoris, a lover should not fondle it directly, but around it.

The Inner Vaginal Lips, Clitoral Shaft, G-Spot = The Penile Shaft

The embryonic cells that become the penile shaft in men become in women the inner vaginal lips (labia minora), the clitoral shaft (the little cylinder that connects the clitoris to the body), and the G-spot, the erotically sensitive area an inch or two inside the vagina on the front wall, the top if the woman is lying on her back. Touching these areas feels to women like stroking the penile shaft feels to men.

Like the penile shaft, the inner lips, clitoral shaft, and G-spot contain many nerves sensitive to erotic touch. They also contain erectile tissue. As women become sexually aroused, minor erection of the inner lips help open the vulva, making the vagina more accessible for intercourse.

The Outer Vaginal Lips = The Scrotum

The outer lips develop from same embryonic tissue that forms the scrotum. Touching the outer lips feels to women more or less like fondling the scrotum feels to men.

The Vagina?

Most people consider the vagina a key female sex organ, for some, the only one. But the embryonic tissue that becomes the vagina has no connection to the sexual tissues discussed above. It develops from the Mullerian ducts, tissue that degenerates in the male.

Biologically, the vagina is less about sex than reproduction, the gateway to the world, the birth canal. Compared with the clitoris and vaginal lips, it contains few nerve endings. Although intercourse may feel marvelous and cement intimacy and closeness, biologically, the vagina is not that central to the erotic experience.

The vagina is a sex organ to the extent that the G-spot is accessible through it. The vagina is also a sex organ for men because it receives the penis during intercourse. But using that definition, the mouth is a sex organ because it, too, can receive the penis.

Unfortunately, the sex media show men pumping fingers, penises, sex toys, and other things furiously in and out of the vagina. Most women would feel more sexually satisfied if men gently caressed the clitoris, vaginal lips, and G-spot—which feels rather like erotic touching of the head and shaft of the penis and the scrotum.

Thank you for this blog post. As a woman whose partner is not very forthcoming about what he likes (he always says that it's simple or some such, for him), I wonder what exactly he is feeling.

However, I also wonder if I am unlike other women (or perhaps better put, the majority of women) in that vaginal penetration is intensely pleasurable to me. To the extent of enjoying oral sex upon me much, much more if fingers are inserted into my vagina (and not especially toward the G-spot area). Vaginal intercourse is also highly arousing to me and I do not feel the need for clitoral stimulation during that part of sexual interactions, because I so much enjoy the feel of his penis.

This leads me to think that there is indeed something to vaginal penetration.

But again, I know it is hard to generalize from one person.

However, my question is: should this be considered a minority experience?

I am the same as you. I won't go into some important details such as positions but it's the penetration that does it for me.
No doubt there are explanations for all this, like there being some kind of secondary stimulation of the clit. Perhaps it is the stimulation of the mind that is most important.

I'm the same way. There is nothing more arousing to me and nothing that gets me off quicker or harder than plain vaginal stimulation. Clitoral stimulation is nice but it doesn't come close. I'm always a bit sad to see the vagina touted as the inferior sexual organ because it has fewer nerves or something. I mean, I'm not an expert, but something about the set up is working for me!

It seems wrong to me to say that the vagina, biologically, is the least important sexual organ. Even if the only thing going on is the G-spot and proximity to the clitoris and clitoral wings (and I'm not convinced that's the case) that right there is good evidence that, by location alone, it's an important sexual organ if hitting it means hitting everything else at the same time, right? It's kind of insulting for a woman that loves a good, hard penis, or even a few fingers, so much to be told that the vagina is primarily for baby-making. Bah, humbug, I say.

I am also curious as to how common this experience is. I have heard women complain before about doctor's claims that the vagina isn't capable of much sensation past the first inch or two, when their experience says otherwise. Is this bit of clitoris-centric, vagina-devaluing sex advice a sort of (understandable) backlash against society's fixation on the vagina as the sole female sex organ of importance? Can't we address the need for clitoral stimulation by some women without devaluing the awesomeness of the vagina?

I found this enlightening and insightful; I really appreciate you sharing it. So, what does it mean if your wife says there is no difference in the feeling there? "It's just skin. It doesn't feel any different than rubbing my elbow."

"This super-sensitivity is the reason why, unless the woman requests otherwise, the clitoris should be caressed very gently. In porn, the men sometimes rub the clit the way you rub sticks to ignite a fire. That’s too rough."

As a former therapist, I can attest to the fact that a HUGE percentage of women do not orgasm with penile penetration alone. The clitoris is the same material as the penis. Do many men have a satisfactory orgasm simply when you touch the scrotum only, or any other part only? A particularly sad part of all of this is that young boys (14, 15, 16, etc,) who are having sex with similar age girls, know only what they hear from their friends or see in porn. The don't have a CLUE as to how a girl's body works....and the girls certainly don't want to "hurt their feelings" or "hurt their ego" by telling them they they need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. The guys just "pump and pump", have their orgasm, and think that all is well. Neither of them really know anything about really good sex. Not one girl...not even one...who had sex at an early age ever told me that it was pleasurable the first time (or even the first 15 times). On the contrary, the majority of those girls reported that it was "nothing special, like I thought it was supposed to be" and "I don't know what the big deal is all about...what a disappointment". Something needs to change!

Maybe because they are way too young, and their organs are underdeveloped for an adult experience.

As me and my wife get older (25-26years) we enjoy our sex way much more than when we were 17-18. Experience, and I do believe that the organs are fully developed and more enjoyable around 20+ years of age.

Yes, I found the clitoris number easily. But please do delve into your files if possible. I've found many unsubstantiated claims that the number is equal for the glans and clitoris, and I fear that maybe you internalized them and don't actually have a primary source on that.

This was a very informative article! It's amazing how little I knew about my own ladybits. If I could add one more bit about the super-sensitive clit, Some women (myself included) are so sensitive for a few minutes after orgasm, it truly is painful to be touched there. My husband has always thought it was fun to try to further stimulate my clitoris immediately after orgasm, either with his mouth or fingers, and he doesn't seem to believe me when I tell him that it's too sensitive and doesn't feel good. We've been together 22 years, and he STILL does it. Listen to your ladies, guys. If they're willing to tell you what feels good and what doesn't, take notes!

Proper hygiene is key to a successful sexual performance. Using a penis health creme called Man1 Man Oil is a great way to keep the area extra, extra clean. This creme contains Vitamin A, which is antibacterial. A very helpful product indeed.

Don't matter if you are young or older, if your partner is selfish you will never truly enjoy sex. All my life I had selfish partners. I met this last man over a year ago and was blown away to the point I thought there was something wrong because, it felt so great and it tensed up my whole body. I have been assured by my man it's a normal thing. So ladies if your not enjoying sex then either your partner is selfish or he's just ignorant to what pleases you so enlighten him

If a clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as a penis, then why does it usually take a woman quite a bit longer to orgasm than a man? Even when I masturbate, it can sometimes take me a little while to reach orgasm.