6 Times When Male and Female Gendered Language Is Used in Japanese

My boss was chatting to one of our Japanese coworkers, when suddenly our coworker started laughing.

“I’m sorry,” she spluttered. “But your Japanese is so girly.”

I had to smother a laugh. My boss is a heavyset, six-foot-two British man, and seeing him be called girly was hilarious. He looked completely taken aback before he composed himself, laughed nervously and explained that his Japanese teacher had been a woman.

What made his Japanese girly, exactly? Our coworker was kind enough (or perhaps blunt enough) to point out his feminine language, but most people probably wouldn’t have said anything, and my boss could have floated through life sounding like a schoolgirl without even knowing it.

What kind of Japanese language is “restricted” to males and females? Here’s a list of vocabulary and grammar that’s considered to belong to a certain gender, and whether it’s appropriate to use in formal or informal situations.

6 Times When Male and Female Gendered Language Is Used in Japanese

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1. “I” and “Me”

Gender-neutral

Both men and women can say the formal 私 (わたし), the very formal わたくし or the informal option of simply saying one’s own name.

2. “You”

Gender-neutral

For a gender-neutral option, you’ll want to use 貴方 (あなた), 君 (きみ) or the person’s name.

“You” is tricky because, gender aside, different words can suggest different meanings. 貴方 is generally used with one’s husband, but never with a stranger. 君 is rarely used in spoken speech—it only tends to appear in songs and comic books.

Examples

From a wife to her husband:

「貴方、仕事はもう終わったの？」(あなた、しごとは もう おわったの？) – “Did you finish work?”

Here’s a variation on the above example, where the wife is using her husband’s name, Keisuke, as the subject:

「君の言葉は夢の優しさかな？」(きみの ことばは ゆめの やさしさ かな？) – “I wonder if your words were just the whispers in a soft dream?”

Male

Men can sometimes say お前 (おまえ) which literally means “to the one in front of me.” It’s never used by women, and it’s usually considered rude. You’re probably better off sticking with gender-neutral options.

However, お前 is often included in TV shows and video games, therefore it’s included in this article and worth knowing about.

Examples

「お前！ちょっと待て！」(おまえ！ちょっと まて！) – “You! Wait there!”

Female

Sorry, ladies, but there’s no women-only vocabulary for “you.” Here are some extra words, however, for when the speaker doesn’t know the name of the person they’re talking to. They’re considered polite to use with people on your own social level, shopkeepers and so on, but these words are not formal.

お嬢ちゃん (おじょうちゃん) used for little girls

お坊ちゃん (おぼっちゃん) used for little boys

お姉さん (おねえさん) directed at young adult women

お兄さん (おにいさん) directed at young adult men

おばさん or お母さん (おかあさん) for a middle-aged woman

おじさん or お父さん (おとうさん) for a middle-aged man

お爺さん (おじいさん) or お爺ちゃん (おじいちゃん) for an elderly man

お婆さん (おばあさん) or お婆ちゃん (おばあちゃん) for an elderly woman

The good news is that, if you get stuck and you’re not sure which subject to use, you can omit the subject completely and the sentence will still make sense. It’s one of the wonderful things about Japanese grammar.

To get someone’s attention or in certain situations, however, it’s much better to use the appropriate subject.

Male

In informal situations, men can alter this slightly. The formula is base form verb + な

Examples

「すぐ行くよ。心配するな。」(すぐ いくよ。しんぱいするな。) – “I’m going now. Don’t worry.”

「走って！止まるな！」(はしって！とまるな！) – “Run! Don’t stop!”

Female

Though not strictly female-only, it’s considered gentle, and therefore a little feminine, to add 「ね」 at the end of a (gender-neutral) negative imperative form. 「ね」 is often added when speaking to children or to one’s boyfriend or girlfriend.

「ね」 can also be added onto the positive imperative form, such as 走って (はしって – run), 叫んで (さけんで – shout) and so on.

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