A Day in the Life of a Berry

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Part of me has always wanted to be a yuppie dog person. You know, those people that spend every waking moment training their dogs to run in circles and jump over hurtles on national T.V. Unfortunately, every dog I've owned until now has been a mutt of some sort. Street-smart pound puppies with abandonment issues. Or near death. Except for Hugo. He's a pure-bred savant from the shelter with no papers.

Our new puppy (excuse ME for not having a picture) is from a fancy schmancy bloodline it turns out. I have his pedigree chart right here to prove it. But since you can't see it, here's a list of my top 10 pompous names.

10. Hub Duvall

9. Princess Cloey Jasmine

8. Lilly of East Ridge

7. Jazzmine Baby Doll

6. Mr. Puka Napolean Ice

5. Little Miss Suzie Q IV

4. Milo the Great

3. Sir Tucker Milo

2. Lisa's Cotton Q-Tip

1. Willhelm Brimley

In case you've forgotten, these are DOGS. Schnauzers, even. And we named our dog Oscar of all things. With that sort of family history, I think we're doing him a huge disservice by naming him simply OSCAR. Maybe we'll start calling him Sir Oscar of Brown Street. And we can be pompous too.

1. Since when is it ok to not be looking at the road when you're driving??!!

I think somewhere along the line people forget that they are operating a very large machine that can kill and maim others in only seconds. I've also noticed the growing trend that people don't talk to each other face to face anymore so their social lives are at risk if they wait longer than 3 1/2 seconds to respond to a text message.

But who cares about other people's lives? Those non-texters and pedestrians are, like, waaay out of touch with, like, modern technology. So it's their own fault if they, like, get in the way of my car. I really really really need to send messages to my friends and neighbors at every second of every day.

2. I thought it was funny that states with texting bans are the worst offenders. Why do people text more now that it is banned? As for me, whenever things become "against the law" I feel this strange urge to suddenly be baaaad. That is why I do things like jay-walk and steal traffic cones. I also enjoy doing drugs (only the illegal ones) and breaking and entering. I only do things that are against the law because it makes me look tough. When I walk by, people whisper things like "She takes no crap from nobody" and "Look how she rebels against authority and common sense, isn't she AWESOME?!"

I really don't break the law, but I do jay-walk sometimes. And if I MUST send a text to someone I could very easily talk to in person or on the phone as soon as I'm done driving, I do it at a red light. And did people ever realize that laws in place for a reason? Except maybe the stupid ones. Like allowing blind people to hunt in northern Michigan. Consider this:

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few"- Spock

3. Will the police even do anything about the texters?I want to believe that they will fine anyone and everyone they see who are texting while driving in a state where it is banned. But I also wanted to believe that the speeding cop with a blaring siren stopped at the Wendy's drive-thru because someone was holding up the store and not because he was really hungry and didn't want to wait in line.

I am cut off at least four times every day, people do not use their turning signals, women in vans speed through crosswalks with babies hanging out the windows and every person on the freeway is on a cell phone. But how many times have I seen one of these people ticketed? NONE.It's a good idea to ban texting, but like most laws people will break them all the time and no one will do anything about it. Such is life.

So until all the teeny-boppers with cell phones grow up and get their drivers' licenses, consider yourself relatively safe. When that day comes in about 1-4 years, you may just want to start working from home and avoiding strip malls, Del Taco, high schools, Wal-mart (and everywhere else they go to giggle) entirely.

Monday, April 6, 2009

This post is dedicated to CSI fans everywhere.Except fans of CSI Miami and CSI New York. Any person who watches those shows and genuinely enjoys them is, as of a week ago, a disappointment to me, my family, science, and the art of cinematography.

Let's start with CSI Miami. Although the show is beautifully filmed and edited, the story lines and characters leave a bad taste in my mouth. Oh and the dialogue! Even an entire episode in French would still make me feel sad.

CSI Miami could be tolerable if Horatio actually looked at people when he talked to them. He starts EVERY SINGLE LINE hunched over and looking at the ground, which is infuriating and annoying. And really creepy. If you think I'm being ridiculous, just watch one entire episode and you'll find yourself overwhelmed with cheesy one-liners and over-the-top drama and...well, Horatio.

CSI New York:I have absolutely nothing positive to say...This is the one that people seem to love the most, which frightens me. This show is the reason why I have so little faith in mankind. A show about crime investigation focuses less on the investigation (most of the time we have no idea what is going on) than on the sappy love interests going on in the office. And the cinematography gives me motion sickness. The neverending quest to be hip and edgy via sudden zooms and fast cuts is reason enough to boycott the show.

What bothers me most are the characters. Each NY character is a more attractive double of the LV characters, and seems to be in love with at least one co-worker. And they are desperately unconvincing as scientists. Are we really supposed to believe Gary Sinise is not only NOT a creep, but a straight-laced and intelligent enforcer of the law? Don't make me laugh.

The other CSIs make me laugh. It's like watching a bunch of former models try to solve crime. They stare at the bodies with puckered lips and furrowed brows in a concentrated effort to not only locate the fake evidence on the correct body part, but to remember how to pronounce those big sciency words and in what order.

Simply put, CSI New York is a destroyer of souls and the bane of my existence. And the knowledge that this show is the kind of junk the average Drama T.V. fan fawns all over makes me afraid to go outside and make new friends.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

This post is to inform you of another post. I have a new website/blog specifically for geography and travel-type information and discussions. It is not even close to done, but if you care you are welcome to look at it. :)

In the future the blog will have interesting travel info as well as maps and geography tips. Hopefully, if all goes according to plan, the forum will be a great spot where people can ask and answer questions about where things are and what to expect when you go there. If you have any special topics you are interested in or ideas for the blog, let me know and I will make it happen! Well, Nate will probably make it happen. I'll just type stuff.