Thoughts on things that matter for time and eternity…

Learning to Bite the Tongue

When I was young, my mom used to tell me that I shouldn’t speak my mind all the time. That if I didn’t have anything nice to say, then I shouldn’t say anything at all. Being the eldest of a brood of five, it was one of the toughest things for me to do! Haha! J

Now as an adult, I realized that biting the tongue is a universal weakness. It is sometimes easier for people to criticize than to compliment. It takes a certain level of maturity, humility, and confidence to praise others because it would sometimes mean that they are better than them—and some people are just not comfortable with that. There are also times when expressing our strong emotions verbally during a heated moment can become a challenge.

Throughout my life, as I’ve mingled with individuals of diverse social, racial, economic, and educational background, I’ve noticed that those who are in control of their strong emotions and are more generous in complimenting others are those who are happier and more grounded in their own lives. There seems to be a bucketful of optimism in their lives that they are more than willing to share. They light up the room when they’re around! J On the contrary, those who are oozing with negativity often live dark and bitter lives that, sadly, they unconsciously exhibit in most of their conversations.

I don’t know if I will ever be perfect in terms of biting my tongue when necessary, but I find that it becomes easier as I keep practicing it! J Oh, and I’ve tried all sorts of techniques! J I tried pausing and thinking before saying anything; taking long, relaxed breaths; literally biting my tongue when angry; focusing on the positive than the negative; thinking about something completely different from the situation; keeping silent; ignoring the whole situation entirely; and the most difficult technique: asking myself what the Savior would do given the same situation! J

Most of us are a work in progress in this area, and I congratulate those who have already perfected this character trait! J I hope that someday I won’t have to make a conscious effort anymore when tempted to say something unkind or express my strong emotions when outraged.

18 Responses

That’s why patience and humility are divine attributes we all need to develop throughout our lives as we deal with other people, and build relationship with them. Thanks so much Cherry for sharing this great and wonderful article. May God bless and sustain us in our sincere efforts to be in control of our emotions/passions as we tread the path to perfection in life.

Very true… as the saying goes: more talk more mistakes, less talk less mistakes, no talk, no mistake at all. Learning to control our tongue is an act of supreme self mastery. If we know how to do this, controlling our other passions is easier.
Yet most of the times, guarding our tongue is the hardest one.

This is so true and my wife, Raidis, certainly practice it in the presence of anybody but me. I wish she can literally “bit her tongue” when we’re alone. I AM JUST KIDDING! ha ha ha. I just want to induce a light moment in this blog. Being extremely serious is dangerous to your health!

Thanks, Ever! 🙂 I guess it’s with you that she can be herself, that’s why she’s being very expressive when you’re around! 😉 Haha! 😀 Anyway, please tell Raidis that she should introduce us one of these days! 🙂

I am really grateful for your articles it serves as a reminder for me for my actions sometimes especially when things goes wrong . Thanks every article you have perhaps improves myself one step at a time . I missed you soo much on my stay there for two months , but I did accomplishe may things I went to Bicol etc. Love you . Mommy marcy

Your article about “Biting my tongue” is very nice. I heard also from Elder Eyring about that phrase in the recent general conference. But sad to say that I’m not a tune to that principle due to long experience in the church. I’m not perfect as it is with other members or leaders as well. But it seems many of our leaders carried away by their positions in the church. They dont mind the feelings of their members and thinking that they ought to be respected and supported all the time. Sometimes they dont want to be asked about their decisions. it seems that they feel that they are managers or company presidents that shouldn’t question about their decisions. Filipino members are easily offended when they hear compliments againts them. I think the better approach to that is consider it as a challenge for them to strive more harder to do good works. “by their fruits ye shall know them”.

Hi Ernie, it’s unfortunate to hear about your sentiments regarding some of our Church leaders. As you’ve mentioned, they are not perfect and it’s probably best not to judge them as we are not in a position to do so. My stand is that we will not be held accountable for their actions, but we will be for ours. So let’s do what we can to support them in a positive way however we can. I think it won’t help criticizing them. Let’s focus more on their positive traits and help them overcome the negative. Maybe showing them a good example, as you’ve mentioned, will make a difference. 🙂

Thanks for sharing uplifting thoughts. Elder Bednar in his talk last YSA CES devotional mentioned about the badness and goodness of modern technology, I believe that this is one example of the goodness of modern technology since it inspire people to do good. My wife and I are planning to do this also as part of our goal to reach out and uplift other people.
Keep up what you’re doing.

Thanks, Art! I was able to listen to Elder Bednar’s talk as well and his insights were very, very interesting. 🙂 Good luck on your plan to put up a blog! Send me your link when you set it up so I could visit it, too. 🙂 Thanks for your support.