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Mar 31, 2017

Is Sex Fun?

I get annoyed when people on dating apps say they are up for "some fun." Especially the one who keeps sending me Grindr messages that consist of his penis and the phrase "Fun Fun."

I never thought of sex as fun, like riding on a roller coaster or watching a stand-up comedian.

It's pleasurable, of course, but you can't use the term "fun" to mean any pleasurable act. Fun is lighthearted, frivolous, provoking laughter. When you are having fun, you are laughing, or at least smiling.

No one ever smiles when they're anticipating sex, or laughs while doing it. Arousal and response is serious business.

I find all of these activities pleasurable: doing historical research, doing the laundry, studying languages, having dinner, jogging, watching tv, looking at bulges, reading, going to museums, buying books, listening to a lecture, sleeping, writing blog posts, holding conversations, sex, lecturing in front of a large crowd, lifting weights, playing "fetch" with dogs, hanging out in coffee shops.

But most of them aren't "fun."

We decide to participate in an activity based on a "hedonistic calculus": calculating the amount of pleasure it will provide, minus the cost.

If the theater and a movie are equally pleasurable, but theater tickets cost $40 and movie tickets cost $10, we will probably decide on the movie.

If a good restaurant is ten miles away, and a terrible restaurant is right next door, we will probably decide on the good restaurant.

Sex is relatively low cost: little risk of disease or victimization if you follow the right procedures, not very time consuming, and free.

(You can't count the time, money, and energy expended in trying to find the sex partner).

And it provides a great deal of pleasure of five types.

1. sensual (expressing erotic desire)

2. aesthetic (appreciating his physique)

3. emotional (making an emotional connection).

4. psychological (boosts our self-esteem).

5. social (gives us something to discuss with our friends).

Therefore the pleasure far outweighs the cost, making it one of our most preferred activities.

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When Gay Was Unspoken

Beefcake, male bonding, and gay symbolism in the movies, tv programs, books, toys, and comics of a Baby Boomer childhood. Some autobiographical stories and stories about beefcake around the world.

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