The Twelve Days of Ventless

Are you sick and tired of red-suited jolly old elves getting stuck in your ductwork? Do the ghosts of holidays past continue to haunt you with flue cleaning costs from yule log soot and menorah candle creosote? Do the mushroom fans on your roof prevent you from installing blow-up holiday décor?

Well, then sit back in your one-horse-open sleigh and twice-check my list of presents this year. On the twelfth day of Ventless, my dealer brought to me:

Twelve hobs from CookTek

Eleven Lang inductions

Ten Frialators

Nine ductless Wells hoods

Eight Blodgett Combi’s

Seven Southbend steamers

Six Vaporguard Insingers

Five Gold Star ovens

Four TurboChefs

Three Hoodinis

Two Perfect Fry’s

And a Pitco under a Wells hood!

Why risk being on the Fire Department’s naughty list when instead you can easily install a plug & play electric ductless cooking appliance?Remember, ceilings are meant for hanging mistletoe, not ugly ventilation ducts, and roofs are meant for the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

Let safety be on your wish list for the holidays and every day.Ventless electric equipment has no open flames flickering through frosted windowpanes.Let’s face it, chestnuts on an open fire are much better suited to city sidewalks dressed in holiday style.

Ventless appliances are perfect for all of your holiday baking, roasting, steaming and frying, whether the menu calls for roast goose and cookies, or brisket and jelly donuts.The reduced maintenance needed will afford you plenty of extra time to deck the halls with holly, break out the dreidels and polish the nutcrackers.

There’s no need to share any more of your gelt than you need to, as the total cost of ownership will be equal to or lower than that of traditional vented equipment.Scrooges will be pleased with the new life breathed into their facilities.

So, while everyone else has settled down for a long winter’s nap (with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads), give yourself the gift of portability, tax advantage and safety: a new ventless kitchen installation.

Old Father Time will not be waiting on you for auld lang syne, and you definitely won’t need to send a team of (those game-playing) reindeer to the north pole to get your equipment either, as it is readily available and all made right here in the ol’ US of A.

You have but one choice to make for your holiday wish: do you want it wrapped in a blue and silver bow, or a red and green one?

Joe Ferri (aka the Foodiequipper) was conceived in a Greenwich Village speakeasy’s walk-in box, the love child of the hat check girl and bartender. He is in his fifth decade of (somewhat) gainful employment in the foodservice industry. He is past chairman of MAFSI and currently COO of Pecinka Ferri Assoc., a NY area equipment, furnishings and supplies representative.

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