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Stuck in a limbo!

It's as if someone has opened a window of a forsaken part of my mind which i had kept tightly shut and forgotten about until now. Everything's coming flooding back and changing my total self, introducing me to my other self, my alter-ego, the real me.

I've never been more sure of myself...

i know exactly what i want in life. my most inner desires, my wants, my needs, all spread out in front of me as if i'm watching some slow life-altering movie. All that i hated and loved, things i never thought i'd do or let happen; never thought i'd come across the real me. I now know exactly which path i need to walk on, where my life's supposed to head, where i'l see myself 10 yrs from now.

I've never been so afraid of myself...

I was never good with responsibilities. I always failed in that department. Same's the case with power. Power makes me over confident. It ruins me. I destroy myself. This self awareness, surity, aim, goal - I dont have the strength to handle it all. I've sudenly become so vulnerable to myself that it scares me it'll get over my head and distract me from my path.

I've never been so angry with myself...

I know what i'm supposed to do, what my goals are; but i've never felt so helpless. Coz i'm also aware of the responsibility that comes with it and the power that follows after. It scares me to know that i have the power to rule my life and this realisation is threatening. I'm the most dangerous at my most powerful. I've experienced it before and it would be foolish to let that happen again.

So what does all this mean? Where does it lead me?

All i want now is for this open window to be closed again forever and for it to get lost in the deepest maze of my mind so that it becomes untraceable.

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That one short moment makes it less devastating. That you're not the only one with problems. You're not the only one fucked up. You are not the only depressed soul. You can see the ghost of the laughter that still hasn't left their mouth before your outburst and it gives you hope, maybe even a little perspective.
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Your true journey starts
not when you choose and head towards your destiny
but when someone special crosses your path
and instead of moving on,
you leave everything behind
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not worrying,
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about where you're headed
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^_^

Life is a
bitch. My only advice to you is run. Run before she catches up with you and
bites you in your bum. If you’ve
read the above lines and agreed (sadly or grudgingly or whatever) you’ve been
bitten already, HARD and it wouldn’t hurt to yell some well chosen curses to
the wind either. Do it now. Let the pain out. Let your folks think you’re out
of your mind. Let someone get offended and yell some profanities back at you.
Let the birds fly away from you in shock. Let your boss fire you for going nuts.
No… no, don’t. I take that back. Go yell in a bathroom or something if you’re
in your office or yell at someone who works under you. Show them that you’re
the boss. Be Hari Sadu from the advertisement for naukri.com if you want to and
as liberating as that may make you feel, make sure the Hari Sadu of your life
doesn’t get to see your performance. *winks* After all he’s the one paying who
is paying you for everything you own down to your underwear, right? You see the
irony here? You c…