I started to write a long, political piece on how right I am about everything, and how wrong everone else is.....but you already know that!

So, to sum up what I was going to say, take a moment and READ THIS! Then take another moment and READ THIS!

OK, I'm sure you all have watched enough fucking news to last a lifetime. And you're not stopping by Genghis Jon's website to here his political outlook on all this.

So what cha' want?

LETTERS!

Here's a letter I wrote Eminem.

Dear Slim.

Yo....what up?

My name is Bruce Juice.

I'm comin' at you straight out of Detroit City, home of the true Hip Hoppers who don't give a FUCK!

Werd, yo. I know you gots mad people sendin' you shit in the mail, but I hope you gets the time to drop the tape I sent you in and check the shit out....it's guaranteed to blow your mind, dog!

The name of my crew iz called the Fudge Luvin' Murderorz!

We're a gay-gangsta rap crew. Our EP dat' you'll be rocking out to is called "Staight out da' Bath House!"

Myself, along with my partnerz in crime...Homey-Homo, Dick-Lik-Nick, and the master of beats on the turntable.....DJ-KY.

Together we make ourselves a powa' house of old skool funk, with new skool ryhmes. We're guaranteed to make mad dollarz and clock all the tight ass guyz!

The three songs on the EP are...

1)"Just saying..." -This song is just being straight up. About how I NEED to get some dick on a regular basis or I'z go crazy! I'm addicted to the shit!

2)"Homo, please...." Dis' is about how some dude I just got freaky on, tries to keep me for his own, but I ain't hearing dat'! I need a variety of dicks and nuts, yo hear me dawg?? Werd!

3) "You choose!" Dis song is DA' BOMB! It's about how you be macking on some dude and he try to tell you dat' he ain't wit' being gay, and I'm like 'you can suck my dick, or suck my gun, motherfucker! You choose!' I'm ruthless yo! Straight up.

Yo, I admit yo. Some of your lyrics on your CD made me think that you ain't got no love us nut lickaz'.

But when I saw you doing your shit with Elton John, I knew you's down, just like we 'Go down' boyee!!!!!!

Yo, get your cute little ass to gimme a hollar when you get dis' tape, lemme know what you think, Ayte'?

Bruce

Ps We should be together too!

**** The tape I mailed to Mr. Shady was actually a band I was in years ago called the Moth. Surpringly, I've never heard back from Slim. Can't figure out why?????