Happy New Year! Happy NEW YEAR!!!!~**!!!**~!!! !!! I would bang pots and pans, but I’m too busy TYPING. SO. 2018!! You’re here! The year I’ve been dreaming of the past 18 years has finally arrived and I’m both giddy and nostalgic. 18 years since I made my first human. 18 years and I’ll soon be the owner of an adult!

A year ago I received a wonderful present. A “chocolate box” of 5 chickens! One white, 1 speckled, 1 blonde, 1 black, and an amber-colored Amercauna. The hens had mostly stopped laying and rather than dispatch and eat them, a friend kindly offered them to my husband to give to me as an anniversary gift. YAYYYY!

Number One: You only get to live on a “Family Compound” if you are super wealthy or belong to a cult. It doesn’t matter what you live in. Bungalow, mansion, apartment, RV, houseboat, or van. It will never be a “Family Compound” unless you build a turret on the roof, secure the perimeter with 10-foot fencing, and/or start your own religion. But even then it’s doubtful.

Number Two: Much like a human child, a pet’s survival hinges on its owners temperament, living situation, level of responsibility, and (most importantly) HOW QUICKLY IT BECOMES POTTY TRAINED. No one likes to clean up poop and pee. Even fewer people like to clean up poop and pee inside their own home (or “Family Compound”). The less time spent cleaning up crap, the greater the pet’s chance of survival. LISTEN UP BIRDS.

Number Three: If you are having trouble sleeping, skip the meds and run a 5K before bedtime. Sleep may not come until the endorphins wear off. But you will sleep and the high is natural.