Ever wanted to blow up your life?

Hoot: Volume 20 (Clever Girl)

My kids say some pretty hilarious things. I’ve been told that I used to say hilarious things once, but my parents didn’t write it down and cannot remember even one witty anecdote. Inspired by YHL’s Clara Conversations, I wanted to share some isms as I collect a critical mass.

Henry: (On the playground, abruptly turns and sprints away)Me: Henry! HENRY! Where are you going? (Eventually catches up.) Dude, you can’t just run off like that. I didn’t know if you were hurt or if you needed to pee or what!Henry: Mom, didn’t you see me holding my crotch?

Mac: Why is the wine red?Me: Well, they make it out of grapes. It’s red from the grapes’ skin.Mac: Is it always red?Me: Well, no. There is also white wine. And they do make wine out of other fruits. I don’t even know what all they do.Mac: Durian vino???Perish the thought. But apparently it’s a thing.

James: So Mac’s classmate definitely called me “the Mac daddy” this morning.Yeah, we planned that. It’s a long con.

Mac: (flipping through in flight travel magazine) What are they doing?Me: That dude is herding those horses.Mac: (horrified) But why?Me: I don’t know. I guess they need the horses to move somewhere else.Mac: But why is he herding them??Me: OH. No, he’s not hurting them; he’s herding them. Don’t worry, it’s a completely different thing.

Mac: ROAR. I’m scratching you with my [inaudible word].Me: Huh? You’re scratching me with your stickers?Mac: NO. SICKLES. I’m a velociraptor.Yikes. TERRIFYING for all of us who saw Jurassic Park at just the right age. You know what I mean.