Time Waster

This was one of the original Time Wasters, coming out of a current event/sports event/scandal. Way back in the 2006 World Cup Finals, France’sZinedine Zidane got tossed from the match and most likely lost his team the game against Italy after he decided to headbutt rival Marco Materazzi. The incident caused a sensation and spawned this quick Flash game.

For lack of a better title, Addictinggames calls this theZidane Head Butt Game. The actual game itself is called The Real Headshot. In this Time Waster, you’re Zidane and you have to headbutt as many Materazzis as possible. You move around the screen with the mouse and click the left mouse button to strike the target. You get points for doing so, and at the end, the game tallies up how many red cards you get.

Play Time: The game takes less than a minute, and I’m sure it doesn’t take the sting out of losing a World Cup. But look at it this way, this game will likely be on the Internet forever (or until the Zombie Apocalypse), and people will be headbutting thousands of Materazzis for the foreseeable future. It’s certainly a fun way to be remembered.

I was going to write about Trap Master, a clever tower defense game themed around giant monsters. Unfortunately, I can’t recommend that as a Time Waster because the further you get in the game, the more buggy it is. Call it a case of great concept, poor execution.

In the meantime, I stumbled upon Ninja Run, a simple but fun game that reminds me of an old favorite — Rainbow Unicorn Attack. In this 8-bit styled game, players control a ninja who is constantly running, and they’ll have to navigate him across levels by jumping over gaps and tossing throwing stars to slay rivals.

It’s nothing complicated. The strategy is all in measuring your jumps and slowing down and speeding up to cross the gaps. The game scores you on how far you make it. So far, my best is 318 meters, which isn’t saying much.

Play Time: Depending on how good you are, Ninja Run may take anywhere from one minute to five. I’m actually bad at it, but I figure with a few more practice run, I could get a high score.

Just in time for the World Cup, Turbo Nuke games gives us this nifty Time Waster. Despite the name, there’s actually very little soccer in Soccer Balls. Gamers don’t play footy in the traditional sense. There are no distinct goal areas. There’s no positions like striker or defender. All there is is a few soccer players, a ball and a ref.

Players have to use two of those things to annoy the other. That’s because the object of the game is to kick the soccer ball so that it hits the ref. When it does, he blows his whistle, he holds up a red card and his head explodes. I have no idea why this happens, but I assure you that it doesn’t happen in real life.

All players have to do is point the direction and power at which the soccer player kicks the ball and hope it launches right at the ref’s face. That’s simple enough, but things get more complicated as more soccer players and obstacles are added. Sometimes players will have to kick it to other soccer teammates on different parts of the level. In other stages, they’ll have to deal with switches, larger soccer balls and fans (the kind that blow air not the cheering ones).

Each of the 36 levels gets more complicated as you proceed and part of the beauty of Soccer Balls is that you’ll have to figure out how to hit the ref without losing the titular items. If players manage to lose the soccer ball by either kicking it off the screen or not getting it to another teammate in time, it’ll count as lost ball and reduce your score.

Play Time: Most of the levels take less than a minute to figure out. The harder ones take a bit of practice. There’s a lot of trial and error as you experiment with different angles and strengths of kicking the ball. But overall, Soccer Balls is a fun Time Waster that will get you in the spirit of the World Cup though there is actually little goal scoring in it.

If you happen to stumble upon, Give up, Robot don’t worry — you’re not on an acid trip. You don’t have to call a doctor or sit down a minute. The Time Waster just has some eye-popping visuals. The whole thing flashes like an out-of-control disco and has the look and difficulty of an old 8-bit NES game.

As the titular robot, players have to go from one end of the room to another. They can move via the arrow keys and jump by pressing the C key or up arrow. In addition, the robot has a grappling hook, which can be lengthened or shortened to cross gaps. At first, the game is very easy. Players jump across gaps or use the grappling hook to swing across chasm. It plays like a regular platformer, but somewhere after the first 10 levels, it gets crazy difficultl. Instant-death blocks are added. Spinning blades appear. Blocks start disappearing and reappearing, dropping and rising. It gets insane, but the formula is fiendishly addictive and well done that despite the constant deaths, you’ll continue to play. Give up, Robot picks up quickly after you die, and for the most part, there aren’t any cheap deaths.

Play Time: It took me eight minutes to finish the first 10 levels and four minutes to complete the next 10. The third set took 13 minutes. It’s a long game, but you’ll be able to play levels in bite-sized piece and best of all, your progress will be saved, so don’t worry if you don’t finish it all in one go.

It’s been a while since I played a great puzzle game. The last good one I checked out must have been Continuity last month, and just when I was about to give up on finding one, I stumbled upon Gluey. Although it looks like a deBlob rip-off, the game isn’t.

Actually, it has no platforming and coloring involved. Gluey is a simple match-a-color game with one new mechanic. The colors are liquid and they ooze down, sometimes coagulating and sometimes not in a container. To win, players must click on these blobs when two or more units touch each other. When this happens, the blobs have eyes. The more blob units that are touching each other, the more points players score. Aside from the different containers in each level, players also have to reach a certain point quota to succeed, which is easy.

The game isn’t more complicated than that. It’s all about figuring how the blobs will mingle with each other and clicking on the right one to get the biggest combos. Later on, there’ll be some twists with blobs that reverse gravity and ones that act as locks, but these different blobs just add a new strategic element to the game.

Play Time: The game’s a cinch, so it shouldn’t be too hard beating each level. You can finish a level in five minutes or less. The only problem is stopping. Gluey is fiendishly addictive, and it’s so simple and easy that you’ll be saying just one more level before going back to work.

I’ve been waiting years for a game like this. I always imagined my favorite 8-bit heroes getting together in one giant game. Think of It as Captain N: The Videogame Master without the Captain N only its much, much cooler. Super Mario Crossover lets fans play as six of the most beloved characters on the NES. They are Mario (of course), Link, Bill R. (the guy from Contra), Simon Belmont, Mega Man and Samus.

They all take part on a familiar adventure through the Mushroom Kingdom. Each character has a move set that’s special to them. Mario, of course, can jump, stomp on enemies and grow larger by grabbing a mushroom. Link can throw a boomerang and jump and stab enemies. Contra guy can fire his gun and jump. Simon Belmont can lash his whip, toss axes and double jump. Meanwhile, Mega Man can shoot his blaster and charge up his Mega Buster. Lastly, Samus can shoot, turn into a ball and drop bombs.

Given that these characters have their own sizes and powers, they’re all not balanced for the game. Characters such as Mega Man and Contra guy are a dream to play, but Samus is ridiculously difficult to use, given that the only way she can kill Goombas is by dropping bombs on the ground or stomping on them. It can be difficult. But overall, Jay Pavlina does an amazing job of reimagining how each characters abilities would translate in Super Mario Bros.

The characters with guns can blast bricks out of the air or below. They can also shoot koopas and goombas, but it takes a few shots to defeat them. Links boomerang is indispensable when dealing with a ton of foes, and controlling Simon isn’t anywhere near as punishing now that he has a double jump.

Play Time: This will be a good distraction for at least a few minutes. This mashup is sort of like a video game mix tape. Be warned, Super Mario Crossover itself is actually pretty long. You play through the Super Mario Bros. game after all, so it’s great that it has a save feature. My only gripe is that you shouldn’t play this on keyboard. It’s not as fun as it would be with a proper game pad, but then again, it may be hard explaining to the boss why you have an Xbox controller sitting on your desk.

It’s that time of year again. Even before the official start of the season, summer movies are hitting theaters and companies are cashing in with video game tie-ins. Of course, we’ll have an Iron Man 2 game that goes with Iron Man 2 the movie, but lesser known than these large extravaganzas are the small Time Wasters on their periphery.

As the Prince, players have to go through six stages jumping and fighting sand monsters. There’s no forward button for most of the game. The Prince automatically moves forward and players will have to press up to jump, attack with the space bar and press down to rewind time. There’s also a host of little techniques based on the jumping mechanic. The Prince can climb walls and ceilings. He can triangle jump between narrow vertical passages.

The goal of each level is to travel across it as quickly as possible. If players make a mistake, they can rewind time and redo a bad jump or avoid a bad fall on some spike traps. But regardless of what players do, the timer keeps on running. After the first stage (It’s pretty much a tutorial.), players will get in the game proper and venture into four elemental temples. The structure of the level is the same except that players have a special power in each stage that’s activated with the X key. In one, they can freeze waterfalls to get across. In others, they’ll be able to dash across gaps Rainbow Unicorn Attackstyle. At the end of each stage is a boss that players will have to defeat. It’s then that the game lets players control the actual Prince. The whole process reminds me of Mega Man.

Play Time: What’s so great about this time waster is that there’s Facebook and Twitter integration. The game gives you the option of announcing your time after completing each level. The early stages are fairly easy, especially with the ability to rewind time. You can get through the first levels in less than three minutes. But the later stages are harder and they my take you longer than five.

For a while, PETA has had a field day making quirky Flash games poking fun at meat eaters. The animals rights organization has spoofed titles such as Cooking Mama (It targets Thanksgiving fare.) and Super Mario Bros. (The platformer harshly criticizes KFC.).

Eventually, the carnivores would fight back and skewer the group and its vegan ways. That’s where Tofu Hunter comes in. This shooter shows the real horror that goes behind eating tofu. It’s not as harmless as those hippies say. As the game says, “We use this violence not to shock, but to better illustrate the pain and suffering innocent tofu goes through every day in the barbaric name of “veganism.”

In Tofu Hunter, players have to shoot Tofu Bucks in the wilderness. I’ve never encounter such a creature, but I’m sure they exist. How else can people eat their delicious flesh? It’s not like they’re made from a plant or something. Players will carry two weapons to kill their prey. They can choose from weapons that include shotguns, blow darts and sniper rifles. It usually takes two shots to take down the creatures. All players have to do is move the cursor around, aim and fire with the left mouse button. They can also zoom in by pressing the space bar.

They have to be smart when shooting though. Players can’t be Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando. Wandering through the wilderness are Tofu puppies, which end the game when they’re shot. There’s also a Tofu Buck quota that players must achieve to advance.

Play Time: Most of the levels are straight forward. Players have to bag an allotment of Tofu Bucks within the 45-second time limit. There are bonus foods shoot and three environments to choose from. Because you can play this game in short spurts, it’s a terrific Time Waster. Now, if you can just hunt those Double Downs to extinction, you could make this world a better place.

When I’m tired of all the derivative shooters and formulaic RPGs out there, I go to the indie game scene to find fresh and inventive ways to play. You’ll almost always discover some mind-blowing experience if you’re willing to explore. Coming out of the 2010 Independent Games Festival, a sliding-tile platformer called Continuitygot some buzz. This Flash game won the best student game category, and it’s definitely worth your time.

It’s an unconventional mash up between two genres: the sliding tile puzzle and the simple platformer. In Continuity, players take on the role of a stick figure that has to grab a red key and head to a red exit door. Sounds easy enough doesn’t it? Well, the twist comes when players have to move around panels on plane. The levels are broken up into these tiles and players will have to move among these pieces. The rub is that each tile has to fit perfectly with another, otherwise they’re stuck on that panel with nowhere to go.

You have to play it to appreciate the clever design. I know there’s a lot of trial and error as you think of the micro and macro level of each stage. Also, I know the graphics aren’t pretty, but they do the job and are elegant at times. I love the way Continuity zooms out when you want to move the tiles and the music softens and changes. It has a nice effect. Trust me on this, it’s a great experience.

Play Time: As players progress through the game, they can expect more complex levels with more moving pieces.
Each level shouldn’t take players more than five minutes, and with 32 levels, players should be busy for a while.

I was looking on the Web to see if some clever programmer decided to make a waiting-in-line-for-an-iPad game. Sadly, no one did. Maybe they were spending too much time playing with their new JesusPad to make a fun Time Waster. I would have taken anything, even if it involved iPad waiters clubbing baby seals.

So instead of a Flash game mocking the Apple faithful, I’ll have to settle for South Park Double Bunny. The title is a nod toward the classic brawler Double Dragon and not the awful move based on the game. I’m not really sure what the plot of Double Bunny is. All I know is that Randy Marsh answers the phone, hears someone on the other line and decides to put on bunny ears. Yes, this is also an Easter-themed game.

Like the old-school brawler, two players can tackle this beat-’em up. If they do, they’ll be sitting side by side at the keyboard. One person uses the arrows and the I,O,P buttons for punch, kick and jump. The second player uses the R, D, F, G keys to move while press Q,W, E for attacks. The gameplay is your standard punching and kicking with a few special move thrown in. Players can escape enemies grabs by knocking them back with an elbow blow. There’s also two flying kicks that deal a fair amount of damage.

What’s funny about this game and makes it a South Park title is the absurdity and edgy humor. Of all things, players have to fight priests and lay people. Again, I have no idea why. Randy and Nelson just have to do what a couple of guys haveto do and that’s punch a few nuns in the face. Players can pick up weapons scattered about the level like a baseball bat or a trash can. These items will be hugely important, especially when confront the leader at the end of each stage. The encounters usually involve an army of henchmen, so it’s good to use those special powers that can wipe hoards of foes off screen.

PLAY TIME: The humor and old-school gameplay make Double Bunny worth playing once. Each level lasts more than five minutes, so if you do play this make sure you have a lot of free time. Also, pausing the game when more pressing matters come up is helpful. But unless you can use the keyboard to pull off hadoukens, then this game will take you a while to finish if you were so inclined.