DVD Screamers, Vol. 15

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Back from the dead after a short break.

By Brandon Ciampaglia

You scream. We scream. We all scream for IGN's DVD Screamers, a weekly column that looks at and reviews the latest horror DVD releases. Regardless of how good or atrocious the quality of each film might be, we will suck it up and bring to you our critiques of multiple discs. In doing so, we hope to provide you with the easiest means of knowing which flicks belong in your collection and which ones deserve to be used as target practice.

ASYLUM

For Madison (Sarah Roemer) and her brother, life has been quite troubling. While at a young age, the two witnessed their mentally unstable father kill himself. It's event that has forever scarred them. Fast-forwarding to modern day, Madison's brother is dead (committed suicide) and she is about to start her new life at Richard Miller University. After orientation, Madison is told that she is to live in the newly renovated dormitory that is still in need of a few repairs. After settling in and getting to know some of her fellow dorm mates, Madison and her new friends decide to explore a section of their new home that they have been told to stay away from.

Not paying much attention to authority, the group ventures into the dilapidated wing and begins to do a bit of snooping. Soon the students come to the realization that the place used to be an old asylum where the demented Dr. Burke (Mark Rolston) conducted ghastly experiments on "troubled" young teens. Upon further investigation, it is learned that Dr. Burke was eventually murdered by his patients thus leaving his ghost to wander about the very halls they now walk down. Now no one is safe and Dr. Burke is ready to cure a new round of patients using his notoriously sadistic methods.

Feeling almost like a cheap A Nightmare on Elm Street knockoff, Asylum is something of an 80's throwback... to a point. There is a lot of pointless exposition, a vast amount of poorly written dialogue and a wealth of terribly unfunny jokes to make you roll your eyes, yet there is still quite a bit of gory moments that will have horror fans glued to the screen. Once again we have a horror flick where we don't give a damn about the characters and what fate will ultimately awaits them. What matters most is the killer and, in this case, the one doing the killing isn't all that original. Preying on the pains of each person, Dr. Burke winds up murdering the college students in a way that directly relates to that pain. So we get a young woman who was abused by her boyfriend violently tossed about and decapitated, a young computer prodigy by the name of "String" killed by, what else, string and more. Again, it's not all that original but in this day and age of horror moviemaking things don't need to be original in order to attract an audience.

On the technical side of things, both the anamorphic widescreen transfer and Dolby Digital track fail to deliver the goods. Both have a lot of inconsistencies ranging from heavy doses of grain to scary bits that play a bit too loudly when held up against to other moments. With issues like these littered throughout, your eyes and ears will be begging for relief.

As for the extras, you won't have any luck finding them here.

Movie: 3/10 Audio/Video: 6/10 Extras: 0/10 Overall: 3/10

BRUTAL MASSACRE: A COMEDY

Harry Penderecki (David Naughton) is ready for his big comeback. After having a somewhat successful career in the horror film business in the 1980's, the famed cult filmmaker hit a bit of a low point and figures it is now time to finally shoot his masterpiece: Brutal Massacre. It's not going to be easy, though. From financing problems to even a death on the set, the entire historic event will be witnessed firsthand via a documentary crew who captures every unpredictable minute of it.

The ultimate problem with Brutal Massacre is that it never really feels like a mockumentary in the sense that the style never quite works. Unlike Spinal Tap or even the stylish Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, this film looks more like a normal film with the shots being set up as such. Behind the Mask also had a similar look but it went to it only when we jumped from the mockumentary and into real life, which was a clever idea. There isn't that similar naturalistic feel to Brutal Massacre, which would have made the experience more intimate. There are moments like that but they are very few and far between. Added to this is the fact that the movie isn't even all that funny.

The humor is obvious and not very clever. The only real appeal of this film is the various cameos of a few familiar horror faces: Ken Foree (George A. Romero's Dawn of the Dead), Ellen Sandweiss (The Evil Dead), Betsy Baker (The Evil Dead) and others. Then you have Gunnar Hansen (the original Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), who is probably the worst of the bunch. His performance basically consists of saying "f*ck" after every other word. It's really, really annoying and downright stupid. All in all, this is a film that will probably only find an audience with the die-hard horror fans who are keen to see some of their horror favs back in action. Ultimately, though, it will only keep them entertained for a few minutes.

Both the audio and video presentations are less than stellar, but hey, they don't need to be. The anamorphic widescreen transfer (1.78:1) features good colors and mixed contrast levels, but it is still a bit inconsistent in the black level department and houses some particle effects that will irritate the viewer a bit. The Dolby Digital 5.1 mix doesn't do much to impress either due to the fact that this film lacks surround sound appeal. In other words, it's a very talkative movie with an absence of action.

Leading the way on the extras front are 17 Deleted/Alternate scenes that clock in at almost 18-minutes. Not a single one of these scenes is worth watching. There really is nothing else that needs to be said. They are absolutely pointless. This is then followed up is the fake featurette entitled "Behind the Scenes Of Brutal Massacre". This is basically a look at the movie within the movie, with everyone remaining in character as they discuss filmmaker Harry Penderecki, his collection of popular and unpopular hits such as, Garbage Man, Retirement Home, Bowel Movement, Killer Koala and, of course, Brutal Massacre. The whole thing lasts about 17-minutes and not a minute too soon. It's on par with the actual mockumentary in terms of just how boring and unfunny it is. A Trailer for the film is all that remains once you get through the deleted/alternate scenes and the featurette.