My brother 'isn't allowed' to spend Christmas with us

My brother’s wife has said, somewhat sheepishly, that he and she will never spend Christmas with our family because her mother would not allow it. I feel put out on behalf of my own parents, who’ll never get to spend Christmas with their granddaughter. Is it unwise to say something to my brother?

VICKI Yes, unwise and pointless. Let’s imagine the dialogue. You: ‘Do you think you could come to Ma and Pa next Christmas?’ Bro: ‘Dunno.’ You: ‘Or the one after?’ Bro: ‘I dunno.’ No man should be made to choose between his wife and his mother but, if forced, most would back wife over mummy. In order to get what you want (Yuletide magic with adored grandprincess at your own parents’ hearth) you’ll need to use patience, cunning and diplomatic language, which doesn’t mean ‘tactful’ so much as ‘language efficiently employed to gain advantage’.

OCTAVIA Aren’t people weird? There are so many helpful conventions in place to help people through situations of basic manners and yet fronting up against them and spoiling it for everyone else are people whose selfishness and rudeness just leaves one open-mouthed. Of course you should say something to your brother. His mother-in-law is being grossly unfair, his wife is complicit (thereby getting her way while looking innocent) and your poor mum is the loser. Although you could also help by having some kids yourself for her to share Christmas with.