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Emo music is a fad known for encouraging kids to dress like vampires and cut themselves. The lyrics are often satanic in nature. Many children have been turned from Jesus by it’s evil entication and down a path straight to hell. Where did this music start, you may wonder? The shocking answer is Johnny Cash.

This is the type of creature spawned by the emo culture

Many church going folks know that his music is a little too harsh for the services but on the surface it looks harmless. However, many of Satan’s tools look harmless on the surface. It is when we take a closer look that we realize Mr. Cash was the father of all emo music and the cause of many events like the Columbine and Virginia Tech tragedies.

Cho, the VA Tech killer, wore black too

He called himself “The man in black” and was well known for wearing dark colors. His music often had a weary tinge to it. He did drugs, caused trouble for the law, and disrespected authority whenever he got the chance. He pioneered the art of self destruction. All these things he contributed to society manifested themselves into emo devil music.

The first emo

He even covered an emo song by emo band Nine Inch Nails, proving his legacy of Satan’s hymns. If you look nowadays many of these hipster emos idolize Johnny Cash and even wear shirts with his picture on it that are four times too small and cut off the blood flow to their brains. That makes them more susceptible to Satan’s word and the homogay and liberal agendas respectfully.

These specimans, however, are too cool for Johnny Cash

It doesn’t end there. His life was basically one big crime and festival of drugs and alcohol. Many emos bands such as the insane clown posse and blood on the dance floor imitate these actions, and even take it further by cutting themselves and committing homosexual molestation with under-aged boys. There is no doubt that these bands cause criminal behavior in children and the roots all go back to Johnny Cash.

Evil homogay spawns of Johnny Cash and his music

His dark behavior and sinister attitude definitely inspired many musicians who have carried his Satanic message to new heights. His self destructive nature is the main inspiration behind the cutting ritual many emos practice daily. Keep your children away from this type of music and keep these words in mind if any of your flock are caught listening to it.

About The AuthorAlex K. Keating is a presidential hopeful currently seeking the Republican nomination. His likes include Fox News, Ronald Reagen , and exposing Communism. Fan mail can be sent to AlexKKeating@yahoo.com.

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Given that Johnny Cash is a respected musician who was popular YEARS before emo culture and Nine Inch Nails sprang up, I’d have to argue that you’re wrong. His music was amusing, compelling, and wonderful to listen to.

One, homosexuals are about as likely to be sex offenders as heterosexuals, if not LESS LIKELY.

Two, my younger sister has regaled me with tales from her Geometry class where her teacher, a married man in his mid-fifties, would play Johnny Cash every Friday and give the students a pop quiz. She did marvelously in that class.

“We all know that demonic creatures like you enjoy his music.”

As do my parents, and my parents’ friends, and many people I know at the local church.

Dude this is a joke , this whole site is, I mean must be, I mean … serious ? Is this really a serious site ? I’m European lol, so we do actually have humour here. But I’m starting to be very afraid that this this is actually serious and not a spoof…. (sorry back in a jiffy have to thow up)…
Hi, back again.. sorry ’bout that. This is revolting. This is so stupidly sick that it’d obviously cause such a reaction.
Sad really, this could be a great humour site, it would be such a spoof whaha !
sick fuckers…

I really, really hope this is not serious. I’m an American, and I’m tired of being embarassed like this. This is the kind of crap that makes us look like 300 million stupid hillbillies. I would like to think that this is a hilarious and elaborate satire, but I’m not entirely sure. My faith in my own people really isn’t that strong, I’m sorry to say. I’m not really sure if I should laugh or cry right now.

And as a side note, Johnney Cash actually started his carreer as a Christian folk singer, but then started singing more bluesey music due to the encouragment of his producers. They felt it appealed to the audience more, and they were right.

Sorry Ice van Shithead, he spelt humour right in ENGLISH, you know, that language the Americans adopted and then changed, so he is spelling it right considering English was its original form. Btw this is not intended as an insult to Americans, i’m not a prejudiced hypocrite, that’s Ice’s job

I am really concerned that there are people like you (the author of this article)out there.Its pretty clear that you are gay individual that has opted to blast homosexuals to hide your own tendencies. I’m certain that this strikes a chord with you because you know exactly what I’m talking about don’t you? Your flock may not notice your stolen glances at the alter boys but you relesh those moments don’t you? By now your wife has likely realized that your marriage is a sham and that those late nights at the “church” are really just you having your “special time” at the motel 8 with the 16 year old clerk from the Quickie Mart. He makes you feel so alive! You are a shame…

So my friend, do us all a favor and come out of the closet once and for all and perhaps you will not feel obligated to waste this small plot of cyberspace with your moronic bullshit. And yes you are a homogay tool that is a substantial waste of humanity. Think of all the brave soldiers that have given their lives so that you can continue to spout your hate. You are a worthless individual. What I wouldn’t give to trade your life for Johnny Cash’s…

Its is your Christian culture that creates the Columbine and VT tragedies. Your religion is oppressive and incredibly judgemental.

OKAY, FIRST THINGS FIRST:
GOD TAUGHT US TO LOVE, NOT JUDGE.
WHEN JESUS WAS ON THIS EARTH, DID YOU SEE HIM CONDENMING SINNERS? NO, HE DID THE OPPOSITE:
“JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED.”
“HE WHO HAS NOT SINNED MAY CAST THE FIRST STONE.”
THIS ISN’T A CHRISTIAN WEBSITE, THIS IS JUST AN EXCUSE TO VENT YOUR HATE THROUGH A “CHRISTIAN” COVER.
EVERYONE WAS CREATED EQUAL.
BESIDES, IF GOD DIDN’T WANT GAYS, WHY ARE THEY THERE?
HE KNOWS EVERYTHING THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN TO ANYONE-
THAT’S HOW HE PROPHECISES.

Most people were anti-Bush by the end of his second term. He was a terrible president. He destroyed the budget surplus created under Clinton (and put us several TRILLION dollars in debt), put us in two unnecessary wars in the Middle East, and helped to destroy the economy. Need I say more?

I hope this article is just a poor joke. Its funny how Christ taught how to love, but all this site shows is hate. Its alright to hate if you do it in Christ’s name, right? The picture of the “VA Tech” shooter is actually an actor.

The VA Tech shooter’s name was Seung-Hui Cho, and the picture you have up to portray him is John Cho the well respected actor. If Mr. Cho was alerted to this site’s article in which his image has been used wrongfully, you could be sure to expect a libel lawsuit on your hands. Joke site or not.

You are one stupid IDIOT. That is one racist comment you left there. You are so oblivious to everything. And btw this site is a joke. Everyone in my church listens to Cash. And if someone sued you, you would be SOL most definitely. I mean really. On another point, the word emo derives from the word emothional. I consider almost everyone would cry at a loved one’s funeral, unless it were you heartless beings. By the way criticizing people on here is not he christian thing to do. So you think we’ll burn? Then you can bet you’ll be in hell too

That is a picture of the actor John Cho and not the Virginia Tech killer. He is wearing black because he is dressed up for a movie premiere. You should have some pride in your work and at least pretend like you care. And he is Korean.

Okay, wow, like most of you, I really hope this all a joke. For starters and I had to laugh, they think Insane Clown Posse is emo. Uh, no. Get your facts right.
And beyond that, “Mr. Christian” you’re racist, homophobic, and very very much wrong on pretty much everything you said.

And if this is a joke, at least know what the hell your talking so you can make a proper joke, because this one is insulting. To music lovers, the LGBTQ community, and pretty much any race, especially Chinese.

first off, insane clown posse is rap. not emo. get it right. secondly, i hope you realize that icp is a christian band, if you listened to their lyrics closely, they have strong belief in god. they speak for equality for EVERYONE. they may talk about killing people, but do you listen close enough to tell who they’re talking about killing? no. they speak of killing crooked people, wife beaters, bigots, rapist, child molesters ect. they may go about it in a different way than you may like, but face it. they are on the same basic side as you. they are cristians whether you care to believe it or not. so get your facts straight before you badmouth something you don’t know about.

Hahahahaha!
Alex, I got half way throught this article and knew you must be the author of it! It’s absolutely ridiculous! If you’re going to insist on using false information to write about, at least use some truth in it. You should have, at least, used EMO bands! Insane Clown Posse & Nine Inch Nails are NOT emo!
I’m not going to bothe commenting on everything else that’s wrong with it!

Although, you never fail to amuse me, Alex, you write very funny fictional articles!

Oh my gosh. Not all emos cut (although i am sad to say I once walked that path and am trying to pull myself back up.) Johnny Cash is an amazing musician, BOTDF isn’t satanic (although they don’t glorify God, I give you that) and they weren’t inspired by Johnny Cash. And that is actor john Cho, not the VA Tech killer. Please do your research to make your satirical articles believable

hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha……..HA!!!!!! Look i work at cherry tree, interscope and epic records and all these artist u say are devil worshiping demons actually spend extensive hours praying and saying let god bless this work, (which is kinda creepy seeing dahvie vanity say that) all they do is hope the best to ppl like u bt u show no love back like all christian are supposed to so that means in a very clear way that means that YOU R the devil worshiping demons from Satan himself

1. Insane Clown Posse is not emo
2. I feel kind of offended you associated ICP with emo
3. Not all emos cut themselves
4. Johnny Cash has NOTHING to do with with emo, or goth, or horrorcore(ICP’s actual music genre, not emo) or any music like. He was just an inspiration for a lot of country and rock musicians.
5. ICP is actually about Christianity and anti- bigotry. They just mask it very well but the message is there.
6. (not that important) but hipsters and emos are two totally different things.
But hey, what do I know? I may be one of the most intelligent kids in my grade, but I’m a homogay godless rapist.
P.S. I thought the Bible said to love everyone? I’m Lutheran, I was taught to hate sin, but love everyone.

Is this one of those websites thats made to look real but its actually a parody of them, like The Onion or something? Seriously, you have me confused. Johnny Cash responsible for emo music? I hate the emo scene just as much as any sane musician would, but to blame Johnny Cash for such a crappy trend of music is like having your drive-thru order messed up and blaming Ronald McDonald. And how the hell do you confuse the guy from “Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle” for Seung-Hui Cho? Did you google ‘crazy Korean people’ and pick the first photo that popped up? And to top off this whole crap cake, you’re in politics (or trying to be). Can’t wait to see your campaign ad’s. If you ever do get nominated, I just might reconsider cutting myself with the emo kid’s in the apartment next to me.