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“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to Sanity.”

Sanity- The ability to think and behave in a normal and rational manner ;sound mental health, reasonable and rational behavior.

Just like in step one the second step came with a packet of questions to answer. I grew up Catholic, but I haven’t been to church in years. When I would pray, before I got into recovery, I would say these foxhole prayers. Which I have learned now is NOT the way to pray. I don’t subscribe to any particular religion, but I do believe in a higher power, who I choose to call GOD. Step two for me was about reconnecting with my high power. The way I was able to reconnect with my higher power was through prayer, meditation, and nature. When I pray every morning I say thank you to God and I pray over my family and friends. I also ask that I live under Gods will, not my will.

What if you do not believe in a Higher Power? They say anything can be your higher power. Have you ever heard of the door knob as your Higher Power? If that works for you run with it! Find what you believe in. Nature, astrology, meditation, prayer, science, you can research all these topics which may help you find your Higher Power. If you are struggling with the HP concept read Chapter 4 of the Big Book, We Agnostics.

This is a quote from chapter 4 of the Big Book.

“At first some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against hope we were not true alcoholics. But after a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life-or else. Perhaps it is going to be that way with you. But cheer up, something like half of us thought we were atheists or agnostic. Our experience shows that you need not be disconcerted.”

There is hope for anyone to find a Higher Power, you have to be willing, honest, and open-minded. You have to be willing to seek change, be honest with yourself, others, and your Higher Power. Also, keep an open mind!

Below are the questions I had to answer from my step two packet. I hope these questions will help people better understand step 2 and increase their conscious contact with a Higher Power.

How can I see a Higher power working in my life?

What characteristics does my Higher Power NOT have?

What characteristics does my Higher Power have?

Whats the point of step 2?

Can I believe that other alcoholics/addicts have found peace of mind through this process?

What is it precisely and in detail that I have worshiped?

What exactly have I experiences?

Am I willing to consider that I am not at the core of everything and hence there may be a power greater than any one of us?

Was I insane or crazy to believe the lies the alcohol/drugs told me?

In what areas of my life do I need sanity?

How does my childhood understanding of God affect my life and recovery today?

“Acceptance simply means that you stop trying to deny your reality and you acknowledge it instead.”(Linehan 1993).

As I was reading about DBT, dialectical behavior therapy, I stumbled upon this quote. All my adult life I denied my addiction for fear of being “labeled” an addict. That was the distorted reality I was living in. I cared more about what everyone was going to think, which prevented me from personal growth. I had to accept my reality, that I am an addict. I had to stop trying to alter my addiction into different forms and accept it for who I am. It’s when you surrender to this disease that the actual work begins. My name is V, and I’m an alcoholic! A link to preview the book on Amazon is listed below.

As I sat down and opened up my folder of homework, it was a bit overwhelming. It felt like the first day of school again. I hated doing assignments in school, it gave me anxiety, and I would rush through projects to stamp them complete, and move onto the next. I was told in recovery it’s a marathon, not a sprint, but I love sprinting! So, before I started answering any questions on step one I told myself I have all the time in the world. No phone, no work, and limited TV. There was no excuse why I couldn’t take my time and do it thoroughly. The step one questions were primarily about my relationship with alcohol and how it affected my life. After doing the step one packet and rereading it I came to the conclusion that I was living to drink and drinking to die…….. There has to be a better way! Stay tuned for more.

At the rehab center I was at we had to have steps 1, 2, and 3 done before we could be discharged. Each step had readings and questions you had to answer, along with writing your life story. When I wrote out my life story and put it on paper, it felt as if a small bit of weight had been lifted off my shoulders! My spirits were better and I felt positive about this whole “recovery” thing. So I went on and started doing my step 1 work. Step 1 that’s easy right? No! For 12 years I did want to admit I had a problem, because I was afraid of being labeled, judged, mad fun of. I was pent-up with shame and guilt. Ultimately I need to get humble and get honest to work through step 1. And I learned to implement humility and honesty in all my practices. Till next time….

On February 28th 2017 I had a divine intervention. After 14 years of being an alcoholic I got my first DUI. This event was an awakening to all the hurt I have caused others and all the hurt I had pent-up inside. On March 1st 2017 I entered the Princeton House. This will be my first time going to rehabilitation. I have gone to detox and IOPs, but never inpatient. My mind was so numb at this time that I can’t really say I felt much emotion. I guess I was still processing the whole situation. It took me a few days to get “clear-headed” I guess between the time off alcohol and the medications they were giving me I was starting to feel better. The Rehab I went to have a first responder program, which I did not know about prior to going to The Princeton House. Everyday first responders would get together for an hour and talk about addiction and our line of work. I felt comfortable in this group, it was reliving to know other people in my profession suffer with the same disease. This program helped me realize the work I needed to get done on myself. We were given assignments everyday. I focused my attention on step 1 and it was off to the races for me……

Thanks for joining me! On 03/01/2017 I made a decision to go to rehab and get help for my alcoholism. on 03/01/2018 I will be starting blog about how it is to be one year sober, and also pass on tools and tips I have learned over the past year. Stay Tuned!