Isaiah 54: "'Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby. Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth! You're ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women.' GOD says so!" (The Message) "All of your sons will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children's peace." (NIV) Please come along as we work to bring home #7--our newest daughter Abigail Anne from Bulgaria.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The emotional roller coaster

I imagine that many who read this blog have personal acquaintance with the emotional roller coaster of infertility. Though it is been 5 1/2 years since my hysterectomy I still get a knot in my stomach and a sick feeling in my chest when I recall the monthly rise of breath-holding hope and building excitement followed by the monthly plunge of crushing disappointment and even anger when it became evident that once again pregnancy had not been achieved. Maybe next month!

Yesterday it occurred to me that adoption also has its roller coasters. Right now mine is centered around a certain document from Virginia. Each day sometime after 11 am (when mail is put into our postal boxes) hope begins to build in my heart and mind that perhaps that letter is awaiting the turn of my key in the mail box lock. Excitedly yet fearfully I drive down, open the box, eagerly thumb through the letters, more slowly sort through them again, and then with hurt and even anger in my heart, I get back in the car knowing that once again that piece of paper has not arrived. Maybe tomorrow!

I know many of you know what I mean--whether you're desiring pregnancy or an item for your adoption dossier or notice of your adoption travel date or whatever it is. May God ride the roller coaster with us and give us peace in the midst of it all.

I remember thinking my mailman was starting to think I was crazy. I would wait at the mailbox for him as he turned around at the end of the street. It got so bad that once my dog would here the mail truck she went crazy barking to let me know that the mail was coming.

Boy can I relate. I hurried to the doctor's office today to pick up the forms that our agency needs before setting up our preview. They rushed the papers right through today. I scurried to the post office to send them, and decided I better just take a peek. BOTH were incorrectly filled out! Back I go tomorrow to try again, and wait again. I am so grateful that we can share this journey. It helps so much to know that others are going through the same thing. I'm still keeping your little guy in prayer.

Hugs and prayers headed your way! I know how difficult this is! I hope you get the documentation soon and some peace, too! It is so hard to be patient with the process when you know your child is living in an institution.