Sunday, December 28, 2008

Yesterday evening, The twilight was beautiful, the setting sun, the home bound birds and cold breeze and as always the silence, The coconut palms were swaying to the musical breeze, the picture is from our balcony, There is not much noise in the apartments, i felt little sad, three families in the floor are out of town, and the rest stay indoors mostly, i don't know who is in the next floor, the basement is almost empty with no cars, the watchman is sitting silently near the gate watching outside road, The dog from the next building is busy silently sitting and watching the empty surroundings and no kids outside in the basement, the cycles not honking and no screaming or loud cheers from them, most of them have gone home for vacation, But what do we do who made this place a home, Nothing much i thought:)

Watered the plants, watched them glowing in the evening glory, the little water drops look like fresh pearls, Suddenly the sadness gave way to a smile, A smile filled with content, the empty apartment floor or the basement now doesn't seem so lonely, Free and silent it is but these are the good times, before we hit the word busy again, the holiday time and what more can i ask for, i am in my home, sweet home, Friends may join us on 31st, the phone rang...

the neighbors who now double up as good friends called from Ooty, they are starting from there on 30th, her words are still ringing in my head "Neelu, we will celebrate new year together" The family whom i know for less than six months are coming back without having more fun with their family because they didn't like the fact that we are alone here.... Such is life, simple pleasures, simple happiness and simple reasons to smile. I remember what Amma says always "You will get back what you give to others",

smiles, fun, sharing, care, affection, celebrations, Live, Let live, Joy, tears, Pain, sharing, wiping them away, filling life with new colors, Its beautiful to be living, awesome to be blessed with happiness, Enjoy till it lasts, Rest we will see....

I suddenly wanted the silence to go, and the music filled the air, the recent favourite from Rock on filled the air...... Beautiful song and beautiful lyrics........ See you all in the new year, Happy new year guys, have a wonderful time, play safe and make merry:)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The bird did come back, with a real companion and they both had the grains and sat on the grills for sometime and flew away. As if to tell me that its fine:)Back to work tomorrow, almost a month of vacation and a neighbor wondered if i was bored. Alone most of the time, and i don't step out of the house until is needed, what did i do all the day at home? was her question.Yes, i am that boring person who still listens to radio and songs in the cassette player, enjoys at home, watches silly comedy movies and happy with the two odd friends in life. The vacation was well spent, I beamed. What did you do? she wondered. I painted my house with colors:))) Yeah, i did that, want to see, Here we go..... But she was not amused. What is the big deal? You just buy the flower pots from the nursery and the servant will water them,huh.

I felt angry, I felt irritated and i felt hurt, Is it so simple? To nurture a dream? No, not at all, I live in an apartment, in a busy area where noise pollution and tall buildings take away my smile, I wanted a house, with colors, with peace and silence, and i cannot get one ready made , it had to be nurtured, when i wake up early in the morning i am greeted by these colors which do not appear from the sky magically, i work to make them bloom and its not an easy job of buying a pot and getting it watered daily, Not at all.I go to Lalbagh where i can save on money, i select the flower pots, i select the colors, i go to their office, pester them with questions about manure, medicines, buy sprinklers, tools and manure mix and carry them all in auto at times, carry them one by one to my first floor apartment, cover the balcony with sheets, tie my hair and get started with planting these, sometimes it takes the whole day to set them all and at times i hire a help so that i can take a few pictures:))))) Well, not only for pictures, but it is not an easy job. And the end result will be this which i absolutely love and show the husband proudly( By the way, through all this ordeal husband will be busy having his cuppa with news watching series marathon, and its OK, That is his way of time well spent)

I remember what Amma always said when we used to shout at her for spending all her weekends with plants.."They are like taking care of the kids, both need lot of care, attention and interest" Well, that is so true, taking care of the weeds, ants, water logging, insects and any disease is a must and i do all that. Every 5 days i check for any unwanted objects of attention and satisfy myself that all is well in the paradise:)

And yes, before i forget , Its not all about money Honey, I don't do all this with just money, with recession, House loan, taxes, other material possessions i hardly have enough bank balance to just spend it all. But i still do it, and for that i again plan, for months together , i forgo certain luxuries, i save like a maniac and sometimes i do this and i am serious.I save coins, you know, those 50 paise, 1 and 2 and 5 Rs coins and for months together i become a predator waiting for husband to leave the change somewhere and i pounce on it. I put it all in a box, and occasionally i segregate it, count them all, make a note of it in my precious book ( will talk about it some other time) and keep waiting for it to become a decent amount. And this time it was 1349Rs 50P and i spent it all in making a small color riot in my house.

And the palms in the hall are looking really good, and when i sit there early in the morning i feel proud of myself, I did it all by myself, I had a dream, i made it into reality, I live in a house which i turned into a dream house. Yes, i reiterate, I am a boring person by your standards, but i live my own way, End of the day what matters to me is if i am happy by being what i am and the answer is a loud and clear YES. I am listening to this old song which for me is a beautiful way of telling how every day is such a wonderful experience and it all is in our hearts to feel it...Ye din aaye.. lage phool hasne,Dekho basanthi basanthi hone lage mere sapne,...sone jasii ho rahi hain har subah meri,lage har saanj gulaal se bharii...."

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Another day filled with silence and i just let it be, waking up late i tried listening to faint sounds of the familiar chirping. They come everyday, the sparrows, One in particular is like a good student, at 7am it comes, eats the grains i keep for it, drink the water and the perches up on to the mirror near the washbasin. And stays there till 6pm, Why the fascination for mirror?Maybe the image makes it feel there is another bird, Illusion perhaps.. But i let it be. He seems to be happy and content, He is been coming past 20 days or more, But then i got worried, It isn't doing anything, but just keeps looking into the mirror, all the time, i had to do something, i covered the mirror with a cloth and it came, confused, sat on the grill for sometime and then it left in the afternoon, and today i tried to hear his chirping, But it was all silent, I checked, it isn't there ,Maybe he will come later, but no, Its almost 4pm, there is no sign of the bird, the water and the grains are still there.

I guess it found a real companion, the one which can fly with him, chirp along and search for food... Maybe tomorrow they both will come back here in search of the grains... For today it left.....I made a bird house, left it near the grill, when they come in search of a home this might help them...

Strangely the whole episode sounded familiar, long back i lived in an illusion too, Most of us who thought we knew the definition of love, life lived like that, In an illusion, but one day it helped to fly, when i was hurt, i was denied that illusion ruthlessly, i thought i will die, i wouldn survive, but i did, i lived to tell a tale of a bird today, Nothing will make me give up in life, that one episode of fighting for survival, fighting the shackles of unknown illusion gave the strength, to get a new positive colorful vibrant life and today i hope the bird finds its true companion, i hope a friend who is hurt and down today and feels betrayed finds that true self soon.

The gardener said i cannot grow a Jasmine plant in a pot, he said i need lot of place, that i wouldn't be able to grow it in my apartment , But i know i would, all i needed was a little care, little more caution a bit of risk, and i was ready to take all the three, care, caution and risk, and today it is proudly sitting in my balcony, when i look at it i know i did the right thing, lot of life's decisions when i take i will do the same, take a cautious risk and be careful too. Life is simple, it just needs to be nurtured in style:)

Long time back a friend was down and dejected with life and i gave him a music cassette, i told him to listen to the songs whenever he is alone, whenever he is depressed, and after 6 yrs he came to Bangalore to be with me for two days and i put the same songs and we both had a knowing smile, which said we can go on, nothing should stop us from smiling and living again and again, no matter what, we wouldn't give up and i am proud of him, he dint give up, And we three friends stayed up late in the night and were listening to the songs, singing and talking and rewinding last 12 yrs, and the three days just went off in a jiffy. You can listen to the song from Anandam(meaning Happiness) here..

One person whom i owe my happiness to, one person who brings a smile so effortlessly in my life, He who does n,t remember his birthday, who cannot react when given gifts, who has a shy smile when given a card and never expresses in words, Wouldn care if it were a black forest cake or a vanilla, but needs to dig into it asap, who would never understand whats the big deal in wishing at 12am, and the one who turns older by one more year, Happy birthday Husband,keep rocking:)