So I says to the guy, I says... I don't care who
you are. Just get those reindeer off my roof." - Unknown.

Christmas tradition is un-escapable. Whether you spend
thousands on gifts and blinding light displays, or you cover your ears
and childishly chant "nya-nya-I-can't-hear-you" until
the horrible thing passes. It's still a tradition.

One tradition that seems to have a grip on many is excess.
Yards become electrical hazards, stores lineups start in other stores
you didn't even know existed, and the spiced rum never seems to
last as long as the bottle of 'nog.

Then of course there the tradition of Chuck's classic,
"A Christmas Carol". How sad is that that nine times out of
ten when you say Santa and Scrooge, someone thinks of crass Canadian Tire
commercials. Well, last Christmas Eve we attempted to watch the black
and white classic. But being the 24th, the festive blur was in full swing
and the greatest challenge was no longer who can peel a mandarin with
just one peel. Rather, who can stay up through the entire Christmas Carol
movie.

This year I decided to go straight to the source and
read the book which is actually quite good. However my Christmas cheer
started early and listening to the CBC all day puts one in a queer mindset.
By queer I mean their continual, factual listing of atrocities committed
by our provincial government is gut churning to say the least. Funny how
that happens when you don't own the press. So it was, 5 paragraphs into
the classic and there was just no shaking the eerie resemblance between
Scrooge and Gord-o Campbell. Things really started to slip when my eyelids
began loosing their futile battle with gravity and I approached my favorite
passage.

It's the part where two gentlemen approach Scrooge-o
and ask for donation to go to those of a lesser tax bracket.
"Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands
are in want of common comforts, sir."
"Are there no prisons?" asked Scrooge-o.
"Plenty of prisons," said the gentleman.
"And the training wage?" demanded Scrooge-o. "Is it still
below the poverty line?"
"It is. Still," returned the gentleman, "I wish I could
say it was not."
"Nurses and doctors work inhumane hours due to staff shortages, while
tuition costs soar making training unobtainable by lesser class citizens?"
said Scrooge-o. "But my associates continue to prosper do they not?"
"It's all very true, sir."
"Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had
occurred to stop us in our useful course," said Scrooge-o. "I'm
very glad to hear it."

I then fell into a sleep where, due to layoffs, Scrooge-o
was only visited by one ghost, but boy was she a dozy! Then the flying
monkeys with bad backs started quarreling over sandwiches and my Christmas
present to all of you is telling you no more of that particular dream.