Tag Archives: respect

People will tell you that you should never base your self-worth on those that surround you, because there will be times when they will let you down and times they will take a shot at your feelings due to their own circumstances, and your first assumption will be that it is because YOU are not worth their time, or YOU are not worth their effort. It’s difficult to not let how others treat you affect the way you perceive yourself. Recent events have let those kinds of destructive thoughts creep into my own head, which I had persistently blocked for a very long time. I began thinking that I wasn’t worth the time, the effort, the sacrifice, the love, the respect, and the understanding it takes to be in a relationship, a friendship, anything. The issue is that the negative forces in our lives take so much of a toll on us personally that they end up overwhelming the positive forces, and I can’t believe that I didn’t acknowledge this when it happened in my own life recently. I know that I am worth so much more than I have been given credit for in the past. I am not my unhappy experiences, my failures, my pain, my sadness, my inabilities, my projected worth…I am so much more.

That is why I believe that you are good enough, too. You may have had a horrible day, week, even year. But you know what? Things are going to get better, for both you and I. I may not even know you, but I can tell you that you can’t base your perception of YOUR worth on how people treat you. People are selfish and sometimes they don’t even mean to be. But they can be, and sometimes they are. Who’s to say that the way they conduct their lives and treat others reflects how you should be treated and how much you’re worth as an individual? You’re not a toy that they can just play with when they’ve got a moment to spare, and then put on the shelf. You’re not their pet, relying on them for the quality of your own life. You are a person with feelings, ambitions, vulnerabilities in combination with strengths. You’re unique in all aspects of your life and there will never be someone just like you, someone rich in the qualities that you possess in the exact same way. So you know what? Ditch the negative people, the hurtful memories, the times you’ve fallen on your face so hard you thought you’d never get back up, the underestimations people have of you, the disappointment people in their own lives that has somehow been projected upon your own life… Forget how people have made you feel. You’re incredible, and you deserve to be happy. Don’t let anyone take that happiness, that ability to feel alive and love yourself and the world around you, away from you. You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and excited about your life, and those who don’t agree, don’t deserve to be a part of YOU.

You’re incredible, and no matter who you are, where you are, how people have hurt you in the past, what you think you’re worth, if I know you or not, you deserve to be happy and you are loved. Tremendously, genuinely, honestly, respectfully…

I would like to take a moment to address the actual, physical act of blogging. Blogging requires a great deal of marketing, writing talent, and persistence. You have to be prepared to commit the time, money (if needed), and of course, your blood, sweat, and tears. I, as a writer and blogger, can relate to and commend other bloggers for the work that they provide, the reviews they release, and the wonderful content they exhibit each day. Heck, sometimes I don’t even know how I do it while being in college and holding a job now. It’s shocking to me to see how students, college students just like me, manage to market and publish each day effectively. I’ve had periods where I physically could not write and had to take some time away from the blog to reevaluate the content (I believe in quality over quantity) and redirect my energy toward schooling temporarily. I know it’s difficult to be a committed blogger and I struggle each day to make everything in my life cooperate successfully.

But then there’s a side of me that feels like some (not all, thank goodness) bloggers and writers want to build an audience as quick as possible, and will resort to unprofessional tactics that I don’t agree with, which brings forth an ugly side to the otherwise inspired and intriguing writing community. I often get comments from individuals, including their business emails, with an attached, mass produced spiel about how fantastic and wonderful their company blog or personal blog is. They’ll preface this with what I believe to be a half a**ed response to the post they’re commenting on. A little “awesome job” and “great post”, followed by a novel-long comment about why I should drag myself over to their completely unrelated blog. I can’t help but roll my eyes. I get that you want to be successful and you want to bring in more views. So do I and the rest of the writing community. Success does have to do with readership. However, I don’t mass produce comments. When I take the time to comment on another blog or several other blogs, no matter what category it falls under or who is producing the physical blog, I refuse to spam others with my own advertisements. If the post is relevant to something that I’ve posted as well, I feel it is perfectly appropriate to follow my legitimate comment with a reference and perhaps say “Hey, I wrote something very similar that you might want to check out! *insert url here*”, but pushing your blog on me without any rhyme or reason doesn’t possess me to want to browse. It actually deters me and would make me significantly less likely to give your blog a chance. I don’t tolerate rude blog etiquette.

Writers, bloggers, many of you are like me. Many of you take pride in your work and your brand, and choose to represent it with dignity. You don’t mass produce your comments and spam them across the blogosphere, and I respect that immensely. I ooze respect for people who do the right thing, even if it feels “less efficient” at times. I know it takes time to produce your own blog, let alone respond to the posts of others. I know it’s difficult to respond to comments all the time and to interact within the writing community, one blog at a time. Whatever you do, try to avoid the impersonal, copy/pasted spamming of your blog, the long comments trying to “sell” your writing instead of genuinely responding to the post you may or may not (probably not) have read. Effective content brings viewers to your work just as successfully and ensures that your audience is legitimately interested in the topic you present. It’s essential to build a fan base that respects your literary talent and believes in the methods you incorporate in your writing journey. Easy isn’t always better.

What are your thoughts on advertisement-ridden spam comments?

What are some tips you could give towards blogs that are looking to build a more diverse, larger readership that don’t involve spamming?

Have you ever noticed that, when you’re talking to someone you consider a friend, their eyes kind of…. glaze over because whatever you’re saying doesn’t apply or matter to their own life? I was thinking about it last night. All the times that I have listened and been respectful to the vulnerability of others vs. how many times people have, instead of listening and exhibiting any bit of concern, changed the subject or brought the spotlight back to them and their own (apparently more important) concerns. It’s frustrating, but when it comes down to it, the ones who are open and willing to give you a listening and gentle ear are the ones that care. All those people that seem to think that your problems don’t matter but come running to you at the drop of a hat? They want the benefit of having a listener but refuse to provide the same comfort. It’s strange to think that there are people out there that can see you vulnerable and still act like they’re looking right through you.

I feel like relationships should be this way. Maybe not friendships, because I don’t believe that friendships are as permanent in that way. But relationships…. We need the support of our love. They are the one we give our hearts to fully. They should be able to give their heart to our causes, as well. They should defend our dignity when it is under attack, as if it were their own.

Personally, I don’t partake in the partying scene much. I accept that others enjoy partying, but being around large groups of people I don’t really know well enough to call “friends”, often gives me anxiety. I find that many college kids do this to blow off steam after a weak of exhaustion, and I do get it if you’re an extremely social person and alcohol helps you forget the negativity of the week faster than anything else, but if it were for stress-relieving purposes in my case, I’d prefer spending my time with people I enjoy being around, maybe writing, painting, watching movies, or cooking together. That’s not to say that, on the occasion, I don’t enjoy a good party (or two), but I do prefer to spend my time in emotionally fulfilling ways. Fulfillment, on my weekends, comes in many forms, often in creative ways. When I am creating, whether it be through my words, videos, artworks, or all three, I am doing the same thing as those who are partying. I find that it relieves me of my stresses and worries. When I give myself to my creative outlets, I find happiness that cannot be provided by anything else in my life. I enjoy it more than partying, because instead of waking up with a hangover the next day, I wake up with a feeling of completion. Everyone has something that revives their happiness and equilibrium, and creating new works in my life gives me just that.

With this realization, I also realized that sober shaming became a thing, which amazed me, because weren’t we all “sober” at one point in our lives? When we were kids, didn’t we enjoy going to parties and spending time with friends without the addition of alcohol? When did it become “uncool” to explore your loves and outlets without being under the influence? I don’t generalize “sober shaming” to everyone who parties and has friends or peers that don’t prefer to do so, because I do know plenty of wonderful people that don’t find the need to ostracize those who don’t necessarily party every weekend, but the select few that initiate this kind of taunting surprise me in many ways. I think everyone should celebrate their differences rather than ostracize because of them. Just as I accept those who initiate in behaviors that I don’t necessarily do myself, they should be able to understand that others may not get the same joys from spending their weekends partying. It’s just silly. Respect should be something we all should practice often, and genuinely.