10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Leave Me At The Altar

George Bernard Shaw is quoted as saying: “There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart’s desire, and the other is to gain it.” Shaw was wrong. Why? Well he’s wrong firstly on the single reason that God fully satisfies every desire and does it tragic-less. And secondly, he must not have ever known my future wife and the joy she brings me (if baffled with the question “what joy?”, refer to article “To: The Love of My Life”). Shaw must have the definition of desire all wrong! My wife is going fulfill all my desires and surpass them with ease! And it won’t ever be a tragedy. I know that in my heart my wife is fully going to satisfy me for the rest of my life; but what does she think about me? As a male, I’m completely afraid of rejection. Those questions run through my mind: “Will she say yes to my proposal?”, “Will she be fully satisfied with me?”, “Will she walk down the aisle to me or get frightened and run off?”… Eh hunny? Yeah, I know someday you’ll read this. So just make sure you read it before you walk down that aisle; so that you have at least 10 reasons why you shouldn’t leave me at the altar!

10. I’m pretty darn attractive – I mean, I know in the eyes of society I’m a pretty ugly person, but you’re meant to be my wife! Therefore, there must be physical attraction! You don’t want to leave my cute little face lonely on the altar now, do you? But I’m also talking attractive in personality, for you see my heart as something beyond beautiful; just like our Lord *1 Samuel 16:7*

9. I have a decent sense of humour – It won’t ever be a dull moment! I’m no comedian, but I get laughed at all the time! A good marriage needs to have humour or else it’ll just be boring! We can joke around and poke fun at each other and make certain things way more enjoyable; certain things like washing dishes, or vacuuming or doing laundry….nothing like laundry….even though it’ll probably be all of your clothes…*Psalm 126:2*

8. I can totally pull off a suit – Believe it or not, some guys can’t!! And I’m not insinuating that I look stunning, but if you manage to poke your head in the church to see me, I think I’ll look just a smidge better then how I look on a Saturday morning…and something tells me you probably like a well-dressed man, let alone a well-dressed husband…*1 Corinthians 6:19-20*

7. You’ll be broke – Think about it; our wedding probably costs $20,000 with your dress included and all, and that would be a cheap wedding! And I’m not saying that you won’t be broke after marrying me, but at least you’ll have me to be broke with. And on top of that, you’ll be left with a mortgage and a house to sell, which is no fun. Be wise in your decision to stay with me and our house will be filled with riches! *Proverbs 24:3-4*

6. I’m Catholic – You might not think that this is a big deal, but it’s actually a HUGE deal. We’ll pray together every night, something that will fuel our relationship with God and will give us the strength and grace we need to keep our marriage strong. As well, our morals will be laid out for us in the Catechism, therefore eliminating intense moral arguments that could end up in me sleeping on the couch…but just to make sure, can we invest in a really comfortable couch? *1 Peter 2:21*

5. I’m Canadian – No joke!! I’m a straight up C! Literally, a classic Canadian! I really like hockey, drink milk out of bags, LOVE maple syrup, and have Tim Horton’s coffee running through my veins! How could you pass up a lifetime of Saturday nights watching the best team in the NHL (the leafs) annihilate the worst team (the canadiens)?? It’s too good a life to pass up! Just try not to hurt me if you aren’t a leafs fan… *Exodus 20:13*

4. I’m Chivalrous – Okay, I’m no Knight in shining armour, but I take marriage very seriously and I will do absolutely anything for you. And if you don’t believe that, then ask me to do something ridiculous like colour a picture for you. And I guarantee that I will follow through; so that one day, you can look at a coloured picture that you stuck on our bedroom wall and say “my knight in shining armour did that for me”. *Titus 2:6-7*

3. Our Honeymoon is going to be the bomb! – Tropical island getaway for a couple weeks, just me and you? How could you pass that up?!?!? It’s a vacation just for us where we know no one and we can be the lovey dovey cute newly-wed couple!! It’s the last hoorah before everyday life as a married couple! Wouldn’t you want to be cuddled up next to me on a beach for two weeks? *Mark 6:32*

2. Think about the children! – Need I stress AGAIN that I’m meant to be your husband? Our children cannot live without me taking part in their creation! You can only make a baby with God if you have me!! The only other way that you can have one without me is through Immaculate Conception…which would mean that you’re perfect…which is true, but there is only one Jesus, and I am NO WHERE NEAR humble enough to be a Joseph figure! *Luke 1:35*

1. I’m THE One – It’s completely true. I’m not just a guy. I’m THE guy. I’m YOUR guy. I’m your HUSBAND. I’m completely here for you through absolutely everything and anything. I’m praying for you and I will continue to pray for you unceasingly. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life. And you’ll hear those words really soon if you just walk down that aisle and hold my hands as we profess our love in front of everyone *Ephesians 5:31*

I’m waiting. Now all you have to do is walk down that aisle…I’ll be there, I promise.