The appropriate response: Nothing/surreptitiously staring if you find the person attractive.

The actual response: The woman was ejected from the park.

Last Tuesday, Madelyn Sheaffer (pictured above, in her bikini) was at the Adventure Oasis Water Park in Independence, Missouri with a group of five other people.

Madelyn got into the pool with her niece and nephew. She was approached by two employees who told her she would need to put shorts on, as her bikini bottoms were too small.

Madelyn, understandably perplexed, asked if she could speak to a supervisor.

In the news report about about this, you never fully see Madelyn's bikini bottoms. But judging by what you can see in the above screencap, they seem to be fairly standard. I guess there's a chance they're crotchless, or have a photo of genitalia screenprinted on them or something. But I doubt that's the case.

Madelyn was taken to an office to speak to a supervisor, who also told her that she'd need to cover up, or would be ejected from the pool.

Madelyn insists that there were lots of people at the pool wearing bikini bottoms the same size as hers, but feels she was targeted because of her size and age, "I felt like I could look around me and I could see a handful of other girls half my age, wearing the same size swimming suit and not being singled out and told to put on clothes or leave.”

For some reason, Madelyn, rather than putting on shorts or leaving, asked the supervisor to call the police.

The police came to the water park and escorted her off the premises.

Unusually, for this column, nobody was arrested or charged with anything.

Cry-Baby #2: An unnamed beach supervisor

via Reddit

The incident: A guy saw two naked toddlers on the beach.

The appropriate response: Nothing.

The actual response: He called the cops.

Last week, writer Jeff Edelstein was at the beach in Spring Lake, New Jersey with his wife and two children.

As they were getting ready to go home, Jeff took off his children's bathing suits and hosed them down to get the sand off. His children are aged two and four.

While he was doing this, he was approached by a beach supervisor who told him, "You can't do that here. Spring Lake is not that kind of place."

Jeff ignored him, and carried on hosing down his kids. A few moments later, he heard the man say, "I've got two naked people on the boardwalk" into his phone.

Moments later, a cop showed up. According to Jeff, the beach supervisor pointed in his direction and shouted, "that's them!"

To his credit, once the cop discovered it was two toddlers who were nude, he didn't taze or arrest anyone (which, once again, is unusual for this column) and merely let Jeff and his wife off with a verbal warning.

Which one of these dress code enforcers is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this little poll right here: