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We are not the same.

We are not the same. Yes, we’re all people with a lot of shared feelings and ideas, but my experience of the world is deeply different from a black person’s because of the way they might be treated at any moment because
of what they look like. I can go months without ever worrying about that. So long as we are shaped by how other people treat us—or might treat us—we can’t separate race from identity. - A.J.

Getting there takes time

All dealings between white people and black people take place in the shadow of the past. You can’t just pretend history doesn’t exist or wish it away because it’s what made the present. The playing field isn’t level and
I have to be able to see that terms like “white privilege” which make me defensive are statements of historically constructed fact, not moral accusations directed at me as an individual. - A.J.

All dealings between white people & black people take place in the shadow of the past.

You can share similar political views and still not understand where someone comes from. Getting there takes time, and it takes listening and responding with respect, with honesty and with kindness. - A.J.

Racism is a moving target.

It evolves with culture. What used to be acceptable ceases to be so, and the only way to deal with that is to accept it and move on.- A.J.

In discussing race, the process is the product and vice versa.

There were times when I found myself asking, like a kid on a road trip, Are We There Yet? But the answer is always no, and I came to realize that the journey really is the point of the trip. It’s not about a destination
or about reaching Nirvana and sure as hell not about “winning.” It’s about the willingness to keep talking because keeping those lines of communication open which makes the thing worth doing.- A.J.

Friendship comes first, last & always.

We put our friendship at the center of this project from the beginning. I remember that when tempted to say something disagreeable or when I am hurt or angry. Separate the “one” from the “many.” African Americans are judged
by mainstream society as a collective. We are not allowed to have individual identities unless we are celebrities known by our first name. Whites are afforded the luxury of individualism. This is why we tend to talk
about “white people” and whites are quick to say “not all white people.”- Kerra

Evaluate on actions.

Through these conversations, I evaluate Andrew by his individual actions. His willingness to keep trying, even when it gets hard, has helped me to redirect my anger from “white people” to institutionalized racism.- Kerra

Pause before I speak.

I had no filter at the beginning of these conversations, especially in the aftermath of the 2016 presidential elections. I made accusations – some of by which I still stand. Now, I pause and ask the three questions: “is
it true, is it necessary and is it kind?” I’m willing to give way on the kindness part because some truths are harsh. Now, I will try to deliver a hard truth with compassion. We enter these conversations at different
points. I entered these conversations from a very visceral place. I want police to stop killing black people. Andrew, as a scholar and a writer, seeks, through these conversations, to understand an experience that is
not his own and wants to become a better citizen, novelist, husband and father because of them.- Kerra

Where are we coming from?

I wanted Andrew to come at the conversations at the same place and with the same sense of urgency as I. He comes in where he does, bringing the full force of his intelligence and compassion. I have learned to trust that
even though we come at these conversations from different points, eventually we will meet at a place that looks and feels like common ground.- Kerra

“Work” isn’t the only four-letter we use during these conversations.

These conversations are difficult and challenging. Just when we think we’ve resolved an issue, it reappears in another form or several months later. I wish I could say we were “done” after this one set of race conversations. But the work is continuous.
We are constantly talking and learning and growing. And that brings up another four-letter word that has become essential in these race conversations – love. Without love for all people, despite our differences, we
don’t evolve as a species. Our hearts were meant to evolve and expand. Mine has because of these conversations and our friendship.- Kerra

What happens when you talk honestly about race?

“In Good Faith: Messy Conversations About Race in Black and White” is a non-profit dialogue between a white man and a black woman from different backgrounds who share a common goal of building and promoting racial understanding.”

Our Conversations About Race We're not experts but we learned some things

Talking about race in the United States is difficult and exhausting. White people feel attacked as they confront privilege, guilt and anger. Black people are tired of explaining why their lives matter. The result feels
like a mine field, so that even would-be allies withdraw into the safety of their own racial group.

“In Good Faith: Messy Conversations About Race and What We Learned from Them” is an ongoing dialogue between two people: a white man and a black woman. They discuss race in real time as the United States convulses through
the murders of unarmed black men at the hands of police, the election of Donald Trump and its aftermath.

The conversations are raw, real and, at times, funny. But they also show how people can evolve in their understanding of themselves and each other when they remain committed to their hopes more than their fears.

E-Book

A.J. and Kerra present roughly six months of edited dialogue about race in America, beginning with their first “meeting” by e-mail but focusing on a period from late 2016 through early 2017. This was a tumultuous time in the U.S., the country
reacting to the deaths of black men at police hands and to the political climate of the Trump presidency. The novella-length e-book focuses on the personal in all this, as two people of radically different backgrounds try to talk candidly
about what is happening around them and how they can make it better.

Download the In Good Faith Podcast

How to talk about race AND REMAIN FRIENDS

Five Rules for Talking About Race

Like the project itself, “Five Rules for Talking About Race” were not planned in advance, but evolved out of the aftermath of their first argument. They proved effective then and in subsequent debates, especially when things got heated.

Their framework includes the following “rules” or guidelines:

We are friends.

We talk candidly about race with a view to understanding each other's position better and furthering better dialogue on the issues between people.

We both speak and listen.

We don't get to hurt each other.

We remain friends.

We are not experts

Neither Kerra nor A.J. have advanced degrees in race studies. Their qualifications are simply a willingness to share their views and, perhaps more importantly, to listen to each other. They hope to both teach and learn from the conversation, drawing not on complex theory or specialist insight but on everyday experience and the conviction that we NEED to talk about this stuff.