Send me email updates about messages I've received
on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.By signing up, you certify that
you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

What do you teach your kids about race? Do you teach them to be colorblind, or do you teach them that there are different races (and/ or colors) and we all are equal, or do you not teach them anything?

I live in a very racist area. I don't want my kids to think that because they are white, they are better. I used to think that I should teach them to be colorblind, but now I am leaning towards having them learn about people and teaching them that in the grand scheme of things, we are all equal. How do you do it?

There was a study done that showed parents who tried to teach their children to be "colorblind" actually emphasized disparities and negative attitudes. These parents taught their kids that there was nothing different about anyone, and we were all the "same." Parents who acknowledged the differences in the races, i.e. skin color, hair color, eye shape, etc., actually had children who were "colorblind" as we would like children to be. These children understood there were differences, but didn't care, and the differences were not factored into value judgments. I wish I could remember the article name, but I believe it was published in either Newsweek or Time.

Children are going to notice the differences in physical appearance, so teaching them physical appearance is just one factor in the whole of a person is the best approach. I will teach my kids to go beyond the skin and look to the heart.

OP here. I read that story, and that is what has made me want to change my approach. I know that I see color, but I choose to see past that. I hope I can teach my children to do the same!

I struggle with it because we are surrounded by racist people. Neighbors, family, etc. I do not want my children to pick up on it. Racism and other prejudices make me sad.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 8:44 PM on Mar. 21, 2010

I (as part of homeschooling but it doesn't have to be part of that) teach about the benefits of all the cultures and how we learned things from them. I don't think you can truly be color blind... esp since you live in a racist area. I would just teach your kids that everyone is different and that they should be proud of their heritage but also recognise other heritages as important as well.

We do read about other cultures, but have friends of mixed families and never have said a thing about the color of anyone's skin (color does not equal race. "White" is not a race) My kids have said (they are 4 & 5) "His skin is brown but mine is peach" and I say yeah, you're right! Just like I would if they said "that tree branch is brown and those leaves are green"

I don't think that trying to teach kids to be colourblind is effective. I mean, colour is part of who a person is, part of their description. It doesn't define who they are or what they are like, but to try to tell a kid - who can clearly see that their friend at school has darker skin or slanted eyes - that those differences aren't there, doesn't work. I teach mine that we are all different in appearance, but that what a person looks like is less important than how they act. It's no different than explaining physical handicaps or deformities. The amputee isn't defined by his prosthetic hand any more than the black person is by the colour of his skin. What defines them is their thoughts and actions. That's what I teach my kids.