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I agree, but it sounds like there's a trust issue there. Given the on-off-on history, that may just be something they have to resolve through time and communication.

Well, he said "this texting with "ex" just seems to bug [him]". That's what I was going by. He didn't say anything about there being trust issues, although there COULD be, since he did mention that she cheated before (I don't think this is the same person she cheated with, or is it?). I just figured they must have gotten past that, but perhaps not.

no, not the same guy that she cheated on us it with. it is the guy that she dated while we were apart and she would knock boots with when she first contacted us again.

i am working on the trust part. she has changed a bunch of things in her life since she cheated on us. differnt circles of people that she hangs out with, back into going to church. positive attitude towards life.

no, not the same guy that she cheated on us it with. it is the guy that she dated while we were apart and she would knock boots with when she first contacted us again.

i am working on the trust part. she has changed a bunch of things in her life since she cheated on us. differnt circles of people that she hangs out with, back into going to church. positive attitude towards life.

I have just one thing to add - this has been said a lot on this forum and it applies to all relationships, not just poly ones, and not just sexual ones:

actions do speak louder than words and also, a person can't prove their new found integrity if they are not trusted at some point... knowing that they are being trusted in order to prove themselves that is.

Gemini, Is it possible that you have a habit of passing judgement on your 3rd's decisions and decision making process? If so this likely goes back prior to her first infidelity. If a person feels that there openess invites unfair judgement or punishment they are less likely to be open.
Perhaps try to work on not passing judgement so quickly - i.e. she's going to church so therefore she will make better decisions...

absolutely makes sense. i guess i still got a bit of a trust issue that hasn't gone away fully yet. i need to work on letting go of my hesitation in trusting her and just trust her. if it proves later that it is not to work or she goes back to old habbits, it would then be by her own choices. by not trusting her to often, she would then resent me and then be more likely to go a stray