Andy Cush

Breathe easy, Orange County: there is not some sinister serial killer leaving porcelain doll replicas of the little girls he plans to chop up and eat at homes around San Clemente. In fact, it was probably just some weird old grandma!

Today's second-most frightening news story involves a number of porcelain dolls, each crafted…
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The Associated Press reports that local police found the person responsible for leaving the bonneted, lace-dressed totems — which parents believed were modeled after their children — and that the culprit's "intent had been goodwill."

Goodwill, of course. It's almost enough to feel sympathy for the strange, misguided person responsible. A suggestion: next time, leave a toy that doesn't conjure thoughts of big empty rooms where unspeakably violent things happen in desperate silence every time you stare into its lifeless blue eyes. Or just knock.