NeoLuddite

killingtime

What I learned today...Sometimes you have to rise to the occasion no matter how difficult...Be true to your core. At the end of the day, you will have to look in the mirror and like and accept who is reflected back.

IN MEMORIAM:S.B. - May You Rest In Peace today and always, Dad-in-Law. I am sorry I could not be there to send you off...you know why. If you looked in the place with the golden windows that we've been together before, you know I did my best to be there in the best possible way. I left you note on the wall. You are in good company now. There is no more pain. Soar, my timid bird...visit me when you can.

dontwantaname

killingtime wrote:What I learned today...Sometimes you have to rise to the occasion no matter how difficult...Be true to your core. At the end of the day, you will have to look in the mirror and like and accept who is reflected back.

IN MEMORIAM:S.B. - May You Rest In Peace today and always, Dad-in-Law. I am sorry I could not be there to send you off...you know why. If you looked in the place with the golden windows that we've been together before, you know I did my best to be there in the best possible way. I left you note on the wall. You are in good company now. There is no more pain. Soar, my timid bird...visit me when you can.

Sorry KT, I'm sure he knew of your love.

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

acemom

killingtime wrote:What I learned today...Sometimes you have to rise to the occasion no matter how difficult...Be true to your core. At the end of the day, you will have to look in the mirror and like and accept who is reflected back.

IN MEMORIAM:S.B. - May You Rest In Peace today and always, Dad-in-Law. I am sorry I could not be there to send you off...you know why. If you looked in the place with the golden windows that we've been together before, you know I did my best to be there in the best possible way. I left you note on the wall. You are in good company now. There is no more pain. Soar, my timid bird...visit me when you can.

I am so sorry, KT. It is always hard to lose someone you have loved no matter what the current circumstances.
And you are right, you have to be true to yourself and do the right thing. If you always stick to that philosophy you can get through anything.

pooflady

killingtime wrote:What I learned today...Sometimes you have to rise to the occasion no matter how difficult...Be true to your core. At the end of the day, you will have to look in the mirror and like and accept who is reflected back.

IN MEMORIAM:S.B. - May You Rest In Peace today and always, Dad-in-Law. I am sorry I could not be there to send you off...you know why. If you looked in the place with the golden windows that we've been together before, you know I did my best to be there in the best possible way. I left you note on the wall. You are in good company now. There is no more pain. Soar, my timid bird...visit me when you can.

So sorry for your loss. And doubly hard that you couldn't be there. I'm sure he knew you were there in spirit.

stlwooter

killingtime wrote:What I learned today...Sometimes you have to rise to the occasion no matter how difficult...Be true to your core. At the end of the day, you will have to look in the mirror and like and accept who is reflected back.

IN MEMORIAM:S.B. - May You Rest In Peace today and always, Dad-in-Law. I am sorry I could not be there to send you off...you know why. If you looked in the place with the golden windows that we've been together before, you know I did my best to be there in the best possible way. I left you note on the wall. You are in good company now. There is no more pain. Soar, my timid bird...visit me when you can.

didn't see this 'til now. call if you want to talk. much love from the lands of woot.

killingtime

stlwooter wrote:didn't see this 'til now. call if you want to talk. much love from the lands of woot.

Thanks, much appreciated.

It is weird to be alone on the holidays. I had a pretty good Thanksgiving. I went out to dinner with my parents so it was a small party, but the food was amazing! The feeling I had after eating was as close to love as I have felt in a while...a complete buzz without a drop of alcohol.

I am part of a separated, divorced and widowed group that meets on Monday nights. They have activities to keep people busy. I participated in game night which featured "Pictionary." It has been good in a way, but I am the youngest one there. The average age group is probably 50-60. I actually had a 70+ year old guy give me his phone number last week. No lie. I am not sure whether to be flattered or depressed.

Tonight was our first snowfall. I always loved the sight of fresh snow and being inside with my husband. I wonder if I will be able to appreciate its purity and beauty still?

I still cry at love songs, non-love songs (listening to music is nearly impossible), watching tv programs with couples particularly kissing or otherwise, the sight of babies or women pushing strollers...

It is very hard to keep focused on the now and the future. I don't want to be alone.

I have a few solaces...my immediate family (keep those good thoughts for my Dad going as he will go through a heart operation soon), my three cats (particularly when I wake up and all three are sleeping on the bed with me) & my work (I am fortunate to be in an environment with a supportive boss that values my talent.)

If I were to explain everything that has happened in the last year, it would sound like Peyton Place...

If anyone has any suggestions on how to best cut myself from the past 9 -10 years of my life in order to proceed with a new life, it would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I am stuck in a rut...particularly as this lonely holiday time approaches...

dontwantaname

It is weird to be alone on the holidays. I had a pretty good Thanksgiving. I went out to dinner with my parents so it was a small party, but the food was amazing! The feeling I had after eating was as close to love as I have felt in a while...a complete buzz without a drop of alcohol.

I am part of a separated, divorced and widowed group that meets on Monday nights. They have activities to keep people busy. I participated in game night which featured "Pictionary." It has been good in a way, but I am the youngest one there. The average age group is probably 50-60. I actually had a 70+ year old guy give me his phone number last week. No lie. I am not sure whether to be flattered or depressed.

Tonight was our first snowfall. I always loved the sight of fresh snow and being inside with my husband. I wonder if I will be able to appreciate its purity and beauty still?

I still cry at love songs, non-love songs (listening to music is nearly impossible), watching tv programs with couples particularly kissing or otherwise, the sight of babies or women pushing strollers...

It is very hard to keep focused on the now and the future. I don't want to be alone.

I have a few solaces...my immediate family (keep those good thoughts for my Dad going as he will go through a heart operation soon), my three cats (particularly when I wake up and all three are sleeping on the bed with me) & my work (I am fortunate to be in an environment with a supportive boss that values my talent.)

If I were to explain everything that has happened in the last year, it would sound like Peyton Place...

If anyone has any suggestions on how to best cut myself from the past 9 -10 years of my life in order to proceed with a new life, it would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I am stuck in a rut...particularly as this lonely holiday time approaches...

-KT

You are still young and a new year is coming soon!

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

JoeDeeDee

killingtime wrote:If anyone has any suggestions on how to best cut myself from the past 9 -10 years of my life in order to proceed with a new life, it would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I am stuck in a rut...particularly as this lonely holiday time approaches...

-KT

I'm not sure I have much useful advice, and I'm sure the rest of the holidays will be hard, but hopefully you can take some comfort in knowing that many people care about you (even nearly complete strangers!), time really does heal all wounds eventually, and although it will still take some time, someday you will be feeling better and will be able to move forward. I hope that day comes soon for you and I also hope that your dad does well with his upcoming surgery. Best of luck to you with everything and I wish you and your family peaceful and happy holidays.

pooflady

killingtime wrote:If anyone has any suggestions on how to best cut myself from the past 9 -10 years of my life in order to proceed with a new life, it would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I am stuck in a rut...particularly as this lonely holiday time approaches...

-KT

I wish with all my heart I could help, but there's no magic pill and no magic words. Through the ages, the only advice seems to be time and stay busy.

KtCallista

killingtime wrote:If anyone has any suggestions on how to best cut myself from the past 9 -10 years of my life in order to proceed with a new life, it would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I am stuck in a rut...particularly as this lonely holiday time approaches...

-KT

I am glad you were able to get some enjoyment from Thanksgiving with your family. We will remember your Dad and be praying for him here.
As for suggestions, don't lock yourself away from the world for too long a period of time each time you leave to be alone. Being alone to think is good, but isolation is not healthy. Start building up new memories and associations, like this Thanksgiving with your family. Hold on to those times and they will be the start of a new life.

That is all the feeble advice I can share. Please know that even more strangers are out here caring about you!

selli

It is weird to be alone on the holidays. I had a pretty good Thanksgiving. I went out to dinner with my parents so it was a small party, but the food was amazing! The feeling I had after eating was as close to love as I have felt in a while...a complete buzz without a drop of alcohol.

I am part of a separated, divorced and widowed group that meets on Monday nights. They have activities to keep people busy. I participated in game night which featured "Pictionary." It has been good in a way, but I am the youngest one there. The average age group is probably 50-60. I actually had a 70+ year old guy give me his phone number last week. No lie. I am not sure whether to be flattered or depressed.

Tonight was our first snowfall. I always loved the sight of fresh snow and being inside with my husband. I wonder if I will be able to appreciate its purity and beauty still?

I still cry at love songs, non-love songs (listening to music is nearly impossible), watching tv programs with couples particularly kissing or otherwise, the sight of babies or women pushing strollers...

It is very hard to keep focused on the now and the future. I don't want to be alone.

I have a few solaces...my immediate family (keep those good thoughts for my Dad going as he will go through a heart operation soon), my three cats (particularly when I wake up and all three are sleeping on the bed with me) & my work (I am fortunate to be in an environment with a supportive boss that values my talent.)

If I were to explain everything that has happened in the last year, it would sound like Peyton Place...

If anyone has any suggestions on how to best cut myself from the past 9 -10 years of my life in order to proceed with a new life, it would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I am stuck in a rut...particularly as this lonely holiday time approaches...

-KT

KT - We haven't "talked" much, but it still hurts to know how much you are hurting. I think it's admirable that you've joined a support group - even if they aren't your peers in age. I'm sure you will learn from them as they will learn from you. As far as the past - like others have said, there are no magic words or pills, but simply to take it a day at a time and keeping your focus on the future. Take care and you'll be in my thoughts.

gwp

killingtime wrote:It is weird to be alone on the holidays. I had a pretty good Thanksgiving. I went out to dinner with my parents so it was a small party, but the food was amazing! The feeling I had after eating was as close to love as I have felt in a while...a complete buzz without a drop of alcohol.

All fond memories have to begin somewhere. You are now building new, fond memories.

killingtime wrote:I am part of a separated, divorced and widowed group that meets on Monday nights. They have activities to keep people busy. I participated in game night which featured "Pictionary." It has been good in a way, but I am the youngest one there.

Just as some of the more mature members of your support group bring a valuable perspective, so do the younger members. They are enriched by your attendance as much as you are by theirs. Maybe more.

killingtime wrote:The average age group is probably 50-60. I actually had a 70+ year old guy give me his phone number last week. No lie. I am not sure whether to be flattered or depressed.

You should be flattered. You have proven to him at least that you are an interesting person. All you need to do is convince yourself.

killingtime wrote:Tonight was our first snowfall. I always loved the sight of fresh snow and being inside with my husband. I wonder if I will be able to appreciate its purity and beauty still?

You loved the sight of fresh snowfall. He happened to be there. Did you not also enjoy similar things before you two met? He does not define how you feel. He just shared a few of those things. You are still you.

Those that wrote those songs had people like you (and others of us) in mind. Feeling the words and longing for what they're painting is not a defect. It's an indicator that you're alive, and human, and a feeling being. Embrace that!

killingtime wrote:It is very hard to keep focused on the now and the future. I don't want to be alone.

It will become clearer as you heal and grow. Honest.

killingtime wrote:I have a few solaces...my immediate family (keep those good thoughts for my Dad going as he will go through a heart operation soon), my three cats (particularly when I wake up and all three are sleeping on the bed with me) & my work (I am fortunate to be in an environment with a supportive boss that values my talent.)

Taking stock of your plusses is important. It is healthy to pause and give thanks for your blessings as well as bemoan your losses. Balance in all things.

killingtime wrote:If anyone has any suggestions on how to best cut myself from the past 9 -10 years of my life in order to proceed with a new life, it would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I am stuck in a rut...particularly as this lonely holiday time approaches...

Through the last 9-10 years, you experienced things, went places, tasted food, heard sounds, etc. Some of those times he was also seeing or hearing those things too. Taking him out of the equation does not erase your experiences however. You can choose to alter your viewpoint when you dream of some of those events to make them about you (singular) rather than you and he.

The best way to make it all about you however is to concentrate on the present and plan for the future. Dream of the past if you'd like, but don't dwell there.

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