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When the Snake Became a Man

1.When the snake became a man,he couldn’t stop swallowingone rat after another untilhe became so large he couldn’t constrict his prey. He hireda number of smaller snakesnot men or barely so to stranglethe rats for him and a surgeonto make an opening in his tailover which he wore a velvet hatwhen not extruding his meals.

2.When the elk became a man,he found he wanted longer hornsand took it as a sign from Godthat horn-grow cream appearedaround the same time as his wish.He dipped the tips of his antlersfaithfully into the jars, havingfirst glued their bottoms to his sink—it was just too awkward otherwise.Soon his rack became so highhe could not raise his headso bought a titanium cranethat followed him on little wheels,took pictures, and sorted his socks.

3.When the whale became a man,it was really no big deal, the whalealready a Sea World celebrity,people used to seeing him in a tux.The orca bit would have to go,of course, the cant about his not being such a killer. No, he liked to killwell enough, it was his cultureand he wasn’t going to be ashamedof it any more than werewolves were of theirs. He thought he’d write a song.

4.When the man became a man,his dog became despondent,having been a man himselffor quite some time. “A finething to do at our stage of life,”he said. Best friends with the manfor many years, he understoodthe strange things likely to happenwhen a man became a man.The TV would go for one thingand who knew what else after.He wasn’t about to wait aroundand watch the transformation.He packed up his bones in their matching bone cases,dusted off his real-estate license,and headed down the road.