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ny, I moved your thread from the Someone I Care About forum to the Living forum where more people will see it. This is an important subject for many, if not all, of our same-sex loving members whether they're currently partnered or not.

This is great news and it's about time, too. Not allowing same-sex partners to visit one another in hospital is one discriminatory practice I've always thought was particularly cruel and unnecessary.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

This is good news. One of the things the hospital I was in did right was to ask me who I wanted to be informed of all medical issues/decisions. I told them only my partner. A nurse violated that, but that is a different story.

This is a good step for anyone who isn't married. However, we still need to push for full marriage rights. If I hadn't been able to give consent, my partner could not have been told anything or asked for input. My family could have come in and taken control and pushed him out. My immediate family is awesome about our relationship, but ya never know how family will behave during an illness. I remember discussing a few years ago how I wanted to be cremated when I die. My dad said he was glad I let him know my wishes. I had to remind him that my partner would be making those arrangement, if God forbid they had to be made. I could tell that even though I had a partner, he still felt they would be the ones to make decisions. If I were married to a woman, I know he wouldn't have thought that. He would have deferred to my wife.

My partner's parents are also awesome about our relationship. However, I could see his mom trying to take control if something happened to him. Hell, she took control of his 30th birthday party from me. I was planning it, but I guess I wasn't planning it quickly enough for her. So, she invited everyone to her house for the party--stepping right over my party. That has been a few years ago now and I think she's chilled out.

This is good news. One of the things the hospital I was in did right was to ask me who I wanted to be informed of all medical issues/decisions. I told them only my partner.

you definitely should check into living wills and durable medical power of attorney documents.

Actually, everyone with a partner should consider having those documents in case of an emergency; because, while visitation rights are very nice, they are not the same at all as the right to be informed or the right to make medical decisions. This new ruling (which I read through) only gives the patient the right to appoint their visitors - which technically they have always had. This just makes it illegal for the hospital to discriminate against your unmarried partner. The hospital could still not allow the visit; but you would now have the legal right to sue. In case of a medical emergency, without any other legal notification, the obligation of making medical decisions still falls to the next-of-kin - which is mommy and daddy (for an unmarried couple) if you don't have a document saying otherwise.

you definitely should check into living wills and durable medical power of attorney documents.

You're right. We keep talking about it and saying we need to do it, but never follow through. We should take it more seriously, so we don't end up wishing we had done it if something were to happen. I'm talking to a lawyer now about something else, so I will bring this up. Having said that, I don't think you need a lawyer to do one, right?

In case of a medical emergency, without any other legal notification, the obligation of making medical decisions still falls to the next-of-kin - which is mommy and daddy (for an unmarried couple) if you don't have a document saying otherwise.

states are required to provide these documents and they can be found on your states website (look for "living will" and you'll find both docs). For most states, no notarization is needed either. These docs just need to be witnessed by two people - not of your medical staff or your beneficiaries.

just like with my first late partner, after almost 10 yrs with my second late partner, we didn't sign these papers until he was admitted to the hospital without warning. He didn't complain, but didn't understand why I was so anxious to get these docs in my hands. Having been through a eerily similar situation 14 yrs prior, I was hoping to not have to "use" them; but knew they would come in handy forcing the hospital staff to keep me informed and allowing me to be present.

Thankfully I didn't have that kind of problem in either hospital with either partner. Of course, neither those papers nor this new ruling will actually guarantee that some staff in some hospital somewhere won't discriminate and cause an issue; but with the ruling or the paperwork, they would be illegally restricting you and you would have legal rights that you could demand to be enforced. (but really you just have to hope that this ruling and those papers would keep you from being forced into a legal battle in the middle of dealing with an unconscious partner during a health crisis unable to make his own medical decisions)

Within two weeks, when my partner wasn't going through periods of unconsciousness, he was delerious when awake and unable to understand or make his own medical decisions. So both times, I was really lucky to get the papers handled in time, because in the end (for both men) it was me making the final healthcare decisions.

Sadly, we hadn't done any of the other legal documents either, and 2 months later (after he passed away after 60 days in the hospital and 9 days back at home) I had to abandon the home we lived in (that had been his home for nearly the whole 50 yrs of life) because we had made no provisions for me to be able to keep it, and I nearly went homeless. (oh yeah, his car was repo-ed too)