VooDoo, Rats, Goats & Croquet

Yet people who ignore the eight words above do so at their own peril. It’s pretty much the sole reason I began studying the black art of Voodoo. To be more interesting….

Louisiana Voodoo to be precise…During the 1930’s, true Voodoo went underground when New Orleans became a tourist destination. Voodoo acquired an exotic, Hollywood image. The misconception developed that the principal elements of Voodoo are hexing and sticking pins into dolls.

Visiting tourists asked favors of voodoo practitioners, who made it a point never to refuse one who asked for help. Exhausted by fame, voodoo became an underground religion. At this time, those in search of a fortune took up the “business of superstitions,” charging money, as true voodoo followers never did, for fake potions powders, and Gris-gris.

I used it as an excuse to pursue my love of reading animal entrails in a safe, socially acceptable medium. I also began doing string art for my friends and family using the left over bits of viscera – You would not believe the looks you get when spreading out and flaying a goat in the yard, while your kids play on the swings and your wife sips lemonade and plays a lazy summers game of croquet….

INTERMISSION

I’m writing this in front of the TV and the new hoarders just started – the one with the guy who has 1000 rats and the woman who has like 50 cats or some such ridiculous number…. seems to me they are straying from the initial hoarder concept. Whack-jobs who never throw anything away. As we all become more knowledgeable about hoarders – we need more and more bizarre loonies to keep us hooked. Well this episode has gone too far.

What they need to do is take the rat guys house, put little cameras all over the place, seal all the possible exits and then….. take the 75 cats from the lady’s house and drop them inside the rat house and then watch the fireworks…. NOW YOU GOT A SHOW!!! Solves both problems… you can record the whole thing and BAMM, afterschool special – teaches kids about the harsh reality of life. Put some dramatic music under it, have Morgan Freeman narrate, almost a guaranteed Oscar nomination… if you could get someone to sew a bunch of little uniforms for the rats and cats, you’ve got Saving Private Ryan II……. for animal lovers…

.

END OF INTERMISSION

Sure it’s fun to occasionally drive pins into someones eyes or lower back, incidentally that’s the reason for all lower back pain, voodoo pins. The back is one of the strongest muscle bundles in the body, it’s virtually impossible to “strain your back” if you have back pain, it’s because somewhere you’ve upset someone and they are driving pins into a little doll being used to represent you. So ummm, for all you people who claim to have bad backs, it’s simple, stop pissing people off….

Really, that’s all I’m comfortable talking about in regards to my Voodoo, it’s as good a place as any – because from here on out, it would have gotten weird.