Are You THAT Couple on Facebook?

It's a truth of the modern age: Couples can be twice as annoying when they air the dirty, drippy, oh-no-you-didn't details of their relationship on Facebook. It was time for a new social media rule book, so REDBOOK readers wrote one.

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Mindy*: "Missin' you, Sexy Pants! Can't wait to rip them off. Hope you're having a blast! xoxo."
Mike: "Yes please! Can I get extra meat with those buns?"

Mindy: "Tongue-GASM!"

We gag, and you are equally skeeved: Sixty-six percent of readers say they've been thoroughly repelled by a friend's sex-life or relationship update — 8 percent have even blocked the person or defriended them. "When I see my friend's sexy status updates, I can never get those visuals out of my head. Spare us the details, please!" says Karin Slyker, 37. Bottom line, says Stephanie Roberts Stafford, 50: "My mother used to tell me, only people who aren't getting any talk about it. If you are satisfied, there is no reason to share."

RULE #2: Enough with the photos!

Not even your mom wants to scroll through hundreds of snooze-inducing travel photos of you, him, and you and him. "Please do not post 500-plus vacation/honeymoon pictures," says Kimberly Gauthier, 39. "It cracks me up! Does anyone actually look at all these photos?" (If you're hurting for pic storage, try Flickr or Picasa Web Albums.) Another Facebook offense that readers hate: "Pictures of grown men and women showing extreme displays of affection toward one another give me the creeps," says Amy Patterson McPherson, 49. "I expect this from teens who don't know any better, but make-out sessions between adults? Not Facebook material!"

Facebook can literally make you feel like a fly on the wall of someone else's home. (This true-life example floored us: Jane: "Good Morning." Dick: "MAKE THE COFFEE." Jane: "You're all caps...you're yelling at me." Dick: Please make coffee...whispering...") Thankfully, only 6 percent of readers have posted some little request like "Hey, could you pick up some milk?" on their guy's wall. "Why are you posting when they're right in front of you?" asks Christina Nguyen, 30. "Don't people talk? If it's something that can be said over the phone, for goodness sake, log off Facebook and dial the number. Sitting together at dinner and being more preoccupied with the Internet — uh, there's a problem there!"

*We changed the Facebook account names, but all of the statuses are for real!

First step: a shared Facebook account — what's next, matching jammies (see photo)? "I can't comprehend why a couple would share an account," says Veronica Javor, 27. "Two separate people equals two separate profiles. It reminds me of that episode of Sex and the City when that couple got married and their wedding invite said, 'Two people, two hearts, one thought.'" Adds Lori Harasem, 39, "When you have a 'couples' account, I don't know who is actually reading and replying to my comments!" Other problematic logistics: "It's so confusing — one day, I saw it was a friend's birthday, so I texted her to say happy birthday, but it was really her husband's," says Kristen Miller, 32. "Awkward!"

RULE #5: Go light on love-life gripes.

The only thing more cringe-worthy than sexy statuses? Mean ones: Sixty percent of you are turned off when people whine about their partners via Facebook — and 9 percent have blocked or defriended someone because of it. "I had a friend who went off on her husband," says Kelli Krafsky, 43. "From what I could tell from the endless swearing, he wasn't doing enough for her. It was really uncomfortable to read these posts. Poor guy isn't even on Facebook, so he didn't have a clue." Adds Karin Slyker, 37: "My husband and I agreed never to air our dirty laundry online. Once it's out there, you cannot take it back!"

SPLIT DECISION

Mushy messages: cute or creepy?

Readers were divided in our poll: Half feel like schmoopie-pants updates are sweet, while the other half find them icky. Says one reader, "This is fully barf-worthy: My friend's boyfriend wrote on her wall, 'Love you, bubs. I know you're downstairs watching Dancing With Stars, but I miss youuuu. Come upstairs!' And then two minutes later she writes back, 'aww Love you too, Boo!' It makes me want to stab out my own eyes with a pencil!"

What do you think? Tell us below in the comments — and while you're at it, weigh in on the other Facebook rules!