SIL drama

Hey everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster.
BG: My parents (G "mom" & P "dad") aren't actually my parents, they've had legal custody of me since I was little but I've always known who my birth mother was & visited with her occasionally. In every way however, they've been my parents & their children, my siblings.
Dh & I moved away in '13. We had Dd earlier this year & are in the process of moving back.

Yesterday I called my parents to talk & G was telling me P was trying to explain to J (youngest niece, 10y) that she isn't the youngest grand baby (TYGB) anymore. She said J was getting all upset that she wasn't the 'baby' anymore & told P that she still was TYGB because my Dd wasn't their real grandkid. I asked G how she knew that/why she'd say that & she said her mother (SIL2) must've told her. She said P tried to explain to her that my Dd still was in fact their grandchild & SIL2 was wrong. I guess J said SIL2 told her I wasn't their real kid & so my Dd didn't count.

At the time I just shrugged it off as a whatever because SIL2 & I get along like fire & gasoline anyway, so her opinion means zip to me. But the more I think about it the more it bothers me. That has always been SIL2 attitude about me (& it affected me as a teenager) & now its spread to my Dd. I am not OK with this & I need to figure out how to nicely put a stop to it before it blows up & I hit her, again.
My family had told her over & again that not an okay attitude to have & she ignores them, but they deal with her for brother. If she isn't welcome he isn't allowed to see then either & that isn't an option even for me because I love my brother.

Comments (8)

If spending time or having contact with someone drove me to violence (before I hit her, again,) I would CO that person off. You can't control her actions, but you can most certainly control your own. Work on that.

I don't see or spend time with her, I don't think I've spoken to her in over a year. My problem is how do I spend time with my parents & family if she's there? Her kids are always at my parents house (her youngest is at least because she's disabled & can't do the "fun" things SIL2 takes her older kids to do).

I don't see or spend time with her, I don't think I've spoken to her in over a year. My problem is how do I spend time with my parents & family if she's there? Her kids are always at my parents house (her youngest is at least because she's disabled & can't do the "fun" things SIL2 takes her older kids to do).

Eh, I would skip most of the events she's at. If her kids are there and not her whatever. If one of her kids says your kids aren't real family gently correct them.

If spending time or having contact with someone drove me to violence (before ...

Posted
08/07/2017

If spending time or having contact with someone drove me to violence (before I hit her, again,) I would CO that person off. You can't control her actions, but you can most certainly control your own. Work on that.

I have hit her before. I was 16 & she got me alone & started in on my birth mom, saying everything horrible she could think of & I snapped & punched her in the mouth.

None of it was excusable & that was when I decided to CO. Since then I've spoken to her to be civil but that's it.

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