the ramblings of a twenty-something mind... wonderful (or terrible, depending on who you are) as they may be, are published here for me to air my thoughts, so that when I bring them in they are a little drier and smell nicer, which means that I can do more with them...
... and just because pointless stories are my thing.

Thursday, 27 October 2011

[It's not about you, it's me]

So... my second blog from Germany.

I’ve been meaning to get round to it for quite a while now
(more or less since the day after I posted the previous one) but a simple
retelling of what I’ve been up to, as I originally planned, just doesn’t seem
right at the moment. There are bigger,
more important issues around than those everyday things that I’ve been seeing
or experiencing (while I appreciate the “sacredness” of everyday life and
everyday experiences, I think that these should be put on the backburner for
the time being) so I’ve wanted to take a quick break from those for a little
while to be able to fully get to grips with more... abstract issues, shall we
say.

I’ve been wanting to blog about several things recently, but
they all seem to be *just* out of my reach.
There are several situations I’ve found myself in recently:

a)I’ve wanted to blog, but not known what about

b)I’ve wanted to blog, got a subject but not sure
how to phrase what I’m thinking into words (or even not really sure what I’m
thinking about...

c)I’ve wanted to blog, got a subject and know
roughly what I want to say about it, but then as soon as I turn around to put pen
to paper fingers to keys I forget, or the thought that I had goes right out
of my head.

I’m sure that anyone who’s ever blogged will know exactly
what I’m on about. Some people I know
don’t seem to suffer from it (I remain convinced that they actually type up a
load of blogs to keep them going through times lacking in inspiration... maybe
I should do that!), others just don’t blog (like me) and some carry on
blogging, but I notice a distinct shift in their blogging style. Posts will be shorter, less focused and
usually apologetic. [Ooops... how many
of those have I done myself, in this blog alone?]

Anyway, in my search for inspiration today I went back to
reading Jessica Cheetham’s blog, and from there was directed to another blog
that I really like – that of Jamie Wright, “the very worst missionary”. She seems like a pretty darn good one through
her witness on the web (I liked the alliteration, okay?) The post that I
stumbled across was what she was about.
And that really made me think. At
the end of her post, she asks “What are you about?” and “What do you wish you
were about?” and this really got me
thinking. Usually when people ask to
introduce yourself, or say a bit about yourself, this isn’t the kind of style
you go for. Usually, you’d go for the
style that’s in my “About me” box (as an example). As in, “I’m a student and I’m interested in
Methodism and the World” and blah blah blah.
Nothing that really says what you’re about though.

So, what am I about?

Believe it or not, I’m aboutearly mornings. I’m aboutsnow and storms.

I’m aboutgood company. I'm aboutfriends and wine. I’m
aboutcompanionship. I’m aboutcaring,
and allowing yourself to be cared for.
Sometimes I’m not very good at that.

I’m aboutrecognising things I don’t like. I’m about being pragmatic. I’m about thinking the best of people. Usually.
I’m aboutorganising. I’m aboutgetting distracted far too often. I’ve
moved to another country to try to get this to change.

I’m abouteating too much.
I’m aboutnot knowing when to stop.
I’m aboutnot knowing when to say no.
Oh, and I’m all aboutcarbs. I’m
aboutwalking. I wish I was about the
Gym, or about higher metabolism. I’m
abouthating my legs and my stomach. I
wish I was about motivation to change.

I’m aboutthinking too much.
I’m aboutcynicism. I’m abouthurting those I love. If I love you, I’ll
probably hit you, or be mean or sarcastic to you. And you know what? I’m aboutcrying alone, and brave faces in
public.

I’m abouttradition. I’m
aboutrespect. I’m aboutbreathing the
love of Christ, though I don’t show in the same ways as other people.

I’m aboutother people.
I wish I was about the Church not thinking that it’s ONLY for the
benefit of non-members. I wish I was
about the Church recognising that within its ranks there are so many broken and
hurt people, there only for the grace of God, only to be told that the focus is
on the people outside the doors. Don’t get
me wrong, those outside are definitely important too, but the Church should be
like a family, taking care of those within as well as those outside. So many hurt people don’t think that they
have the “right” to be hurt, because they are in the Church. I wish I was about getting this spoken about. I’m aboutsupport.

I’m aboutstory-telling.
I’m abouttravelling. I’m aboutnew things.

I’m all aboutfamily.
I’m aboutlaughter. I’m abouthappiness. I’m aboutlove. But only when it suits.

I wish I was more about allowing God to change me. But I’m too often aboutme to allow that to happen.