All attendees shall gather together in the Blue Room of the White House around 7:30 p.m. each evening for a welcoming speech from former White House press secretary Ari Fleischer. During cocktails (BYOB), former Attorney General John Ashcroft will circulate to verify Republican Party credentials. At eight o’clock sharp, former FEMA Director Michael Brown will lead the congregation in an orderly manner to a special assembly hall in the basement that has been designed by Republican technicians to prevent leaks.

What the hell is ethics? By Tony Zurlo Online Journal Contributing Writer

Nov 7, 2005, 00:25

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Recently I intercepted a top secret memo that was circulated to White House staff members about attending classes on ethics. So that readers can draw their own conclusions, the memo appears in its entirety.

FROM: Wanna-be White House Counsel Anon Y. Mous

TO: White House Staff Members

DATE: Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday Evenings

SUBJECT: What the Hell Is Ethics?

The President and Supreme Commander of the United States and assorted territories (including Iraq) Mr. George W. Bush requests the honor of your presence at three evening forums this upcoming week.

All White House staff members and their significant others (only one per staff and over twenty-one), are required to participate. The topic to be analyzed, explored, dissected, and deconstructed at this forum is “What the hell is ethics?”

The forum will commence each evening, Tuesday through Thursday, after the Washington press corps has retreated to their favorite watering holes—Fox News broadcasters excepted.

All attendees shall gather together in the Blue Room of the White House around 7:30 p.m. each evening for a welcoming speech from former White House press secretary Ari Fleischer. During cocktails (BYOB), former Attorney General John Ashcroft will circulate to verify Republican Party credentials. At eight o’clock sharp, former FEMA Director Michael Brown will lead the congregation in an orderly manner to a special assembly hall in the basement that has been designed by Republican technicians to prevent leaks.

I repeat: Attendance is mandatory for all staff members.

Only the most senior White House advisors and staff members are excused. They are attending a job fair at an unannounced location.

SCHEDULE:

8:15–9:15: The forum kicks off with 20-minute workshops (Select any three)

A. “Budget Fudging,” led by Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist

B. “Circumventing Ethics,” led by Congressman Tom Delay

C. “Maneuvering Without the Facts,” led by Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove

9:30–10:30: Everyone will gather in the basement assembly hall for the feature lectures:

A. “Prison Conversions: True or False?” presented by Charles Colson

B. “To Torture or Not to Torture? A Slam-Dunk,” presented by G. Gordon Liddy

C. “Avoiding the Pokey: The ‘Just Obeying Orders Plea,’” presented by Oliver North

10: 45–11:45: Creative Writing Workshops (Select one)

A. “Spice-up Your Spy Novel with Porn,” Scooter Libby

B. “The Bisexual Point of View and the Frontier Novel,” Lynne Cheney

12:00 MIDNIGHT:

As the whole world knows, our luminous leader President George W. Bush is busy touring other parts of the globe, accompanied by many of our Republican role models.

We will present a short, videotaped welcome from our illustrious leader.

Our valiant president has asked that his mentor, Vice President Dick Cheney, deliver the Keynote Address. Mr. Cheney will speak on the issue of Constitutional Amendments One, Two, Four, Five, Six, and Eight and the Future of the Republican Party. **

* All persons considered qualified to lead this workshop are either out of the country at this time or do not speak English. If you know of any Republicans currently in country who could lead this workshop, please contact me immediately.

** Anyone knowing of Mr. Cheney’s whereabouts please notify Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman immediately. Tony Zurlo is a writer/educator living in Arlington, Texas. Currently, he teaches writing and African/Asian culture at Tarrant County College. He has also taught in schools in Nigeria, China, and many parts of the U.S. His op-eds, essays, and reviews have appeared in Online Journal, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Democrats.US, OpEdNews, Peace Corps Writers, Writers Against War, and other journals and newspapers. He also has published nonfiction books on Vietnam, China, Hong Kong, Japan, Japanese Americans, West Africa, Algeria, and soon Syria. His poetry and short fiction have appeared in more than 65 journals, magazines, and anthologies.

Peace Corps at highest Census in 30 yearsCongratulations to the Peace Corps for the highest number of volunteers in 30 years with 7,810 volunteers serving in 71 posts across the globe. Of course, the President's proposal to double the Peace Corps to 15,000 volunteers made in his State of the Union Address in 2002 is now a long forgotten dream. With deficits in federal spending stretching far off into the future, any substantive increase in the number of volunteers will have to wait for new approaches to funding and for a new administration. Choose your candidate and start working for him or her now.

Why blurring the lines puts PCVs in dangerWhen the National Call to Service legislation was amended to include Peace Corps in December of 2002, this country had not yet invaded Iraq and was not in prolonged military engagement in the Middle East, as it is now. Read the story of how one volunteer spent three years in captivity from 1976 to 1980 as the hostage of a insurrection group in Colombia in Joanne Marie Roll's op-ed on why this legislation may put soldier/PCVs in the same kind of danger. Latest: Read the ongoing dialog on the subject.

'Celebration of Service' a major successThe Peace Corps Fund's 'Celebration of Service' on September 29 in New York City was a major success raising approximately $100,000 for third goal activities. In the photo are Maureen Orth (Colombia); John Coyne (Ethiopia) Co-founder of the Peace Corps Fund; Caroline Kennedy; Barbara Anne Ferris (Morocco) Co-founder; Former Senator Harris Wofford, member of the Advisory Board. Read the story here.

PC apologizes for the "Kasama incident"The District Commissioner for the Kasama District in Zambia issued a statement banning Peace Corps activities for ‘grave’ social misconduct and unruly behavior for an incident that occurred on September 24 involving 13 PCVs. Peace Corps said that some of the information put out about the incident was "inflammatory and false." On October 12, Country Director Davy Morris met with community leaders and apologized for the incident. All PCVs involved have been reprimanded, three are returning home, and a ban in the district has since been lifted.

The Peace Corps LibraryPeace Corps Online is proud to announce that the Peace Corps Library is now available online. With over 30,000 index entries in 500 categories, this is the largest collection of Peace Corps related stories in the world. From Acting to Zucchini, you can find hundreds of stories about what RPCVs with your same interests or from your Country of Service are doing today. If you have a web site, support the "Peace Corps Library" and link to it today.

Friends of the Peace Corps 170,000 strong170,000 is a very special number for the RPCV community - it's the number of Volunteers who have served in the Peace Corps since 1961. It's also a number that is very special to us because March is the first month since our founding in January, 2001 that our readership has exceeded 170,000. And while we know that not everyone who comes to this site is an RPCV, they are all "Friends of the Peace Corps." Thanks everybody for making PCOL your source of news for the Returned Volunteer community.

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Story Source: Online Journal

This story has been posted in the following forums: : Headlines; COS - Nigeria; Humor; Ethics

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