Friends: A Place in the Heart, A Place in Personal Histories

It was the first day of my sophomore year in high school. I was opening my locker when I noticed a tall, rawboned girl next to me with a brilliant smile. “I’m Kathie,” she said. “Our friendship began at that moment. Though we live on different continents and live wildly different lives, our bond remains unbroken. We hold experiences for one another in a way no one else can because of our shared history.

If we were married, this year would be our Golden Anniversary.

How much do we emphasize the depth and complexity of friendships when we are creating a personal history? There is always at least a question or two about important friends in our lives, but how many of us showcase friendships as a major category in the audio histories, videos, and books that we produce?

Here are a few questions I might ask in creating a “Friends” section of a personal history:

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This is such a thought-provoking article! Today I received a present from my friend of 50 years. She quoted Adrienne Rich, “The most important thing one woman can do for another is to illuminate and expand her sense of actual possibilities,” and wrote I had always done that for her. Beyond being a great compliment from this friend, I realized the richness that Pam’s questions could add to a memoir. I am planning to go down this track with my future clients—unless they bring it up themselves—as some freely do, female and male.

I look forward to using these questions as writing prompts in my memoir classes. You remind me of the good conversations that have resulted when I’ve asked about friends in oral history interviews. Thanks, Pam!

Pam’s blog brings up so many reflections about friendship. Yes, I’ve overlooked this important category when speaking to my clients — or have they? These questions bring up the whole nature of friendship, and once again, a change that may sweep across a generation or maintain constantly throughout humanity. I can’t wait to start exploring this! Thank you.