I knew that I would find my mother’s life savings somewhere in my house but I had no money on rubies, sapphires, emeralds, opals and pearls in dusty fifty-year-old paper envelopes stuffed in cardboard boxes under her bed.

I knew that I'd find our three AWOL donkeys somewhere on our property, but I had no money on them sashaying along our easement - on the wrong side of the fence, next to the highway - with a police escort.

"Are these your donkeys, ma'am?" "Yes, sir. The ringleader's name is Biscuit. I have a halter and apples."

I knew I would find my daughter's missing Barbie doll somewhere in our house, but I had no money on "up to her waist inside the mouth of my son's plastic, great white shark in the bathtub." From then on, it was the first place we looked. No worries though, he grew up to be a very nice man with great respect for women and sharks.

I knew that I would find my murderous Mexican mistress somewhere in my house, but I had no money on "in the living room with my proper southern wife, both awaiting my arrival patiently... with meat cleavers."

I knew that I would find my various missing undergarments somewhere in my house, but I had no money on the garage, the dining room, the attic, the kitchen sink, the front yard, and the roof. It had been quite a party!

I knew that I would find the evil voices somewhere in the house, but I had no money on the television, which hasn't worked for years. Or the kitchen, with its wainscoted walls laughing at me. Again. Or the knife drawer, empty, save for one.Or the imposter, sleeping next to me.

I knew that I would find my winning entry inspiration somewhere in my house, but I had no money on my ability to think up something before the timer went off. Three hours after closing! Maybe if I used a little magic? But then everyone on the Reef would know I'm a wizard! Oh heck.

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I'm a literary agent in NYC. I specialize in crime fiction and narrative non-fiction (history and biography.) I'll be glad to receive a query letter from you; guidelines to help you decide if I'm looking for what you write are below.
There are several posts labelled "query pitfalls" and "annoy me" that may help you avoid some common mistakes when querying.