We just tell all the farmers growing baby cows to leave them alone to live as they did in the wild. They can all start mining slate. Any excess they have they can sell to the restaurants in their area for use as napkins and plates.

A Rochdale woman was left devastated today after discovering that she will now be looking after her neighbour's children for the next three Sunday mornings in a row.
Sharon Smith from the Falinge area of...

I have a suggestion for Gary Lineker
Maybe you should stop selling Salt & Vinegar
If your boss still works with the devil
Then tell them to start using Gary Neville
If those twats don't like your tweets
Then...

Eyewitness accounts given by proper British holidaymakers desperate to return to the UK reveal that queues for pedalos during the Dunkirk evacuation were shorter than the immigration queues currently being suffered at Benidorm immigration...

150-times winner of the 12-monthly Rochdale Herald annual 'Best satirical news site, based in Rochdale', the Rochdale Herald, has recently left readers puzzled.
It is claimed that the Herald has taken to being serious...

Make your own Original Trumpkin!
Have you ever wanted to scare the bejeezus out of your neighbours on Halloween? Finally you have you chance with The Rochdale Herald's original Trumpkin!
Step 1.
Download the following template and...

In a dramatically uncharacteristic move Stephen Crabb, the former intern at anti-equality fundamentalist Christian group CARE and employer of interns from the anti-equality fundamentalist Christian group CARE, made a play for the leadership of...

"My partner, Honeydew, was having an awful time squeezing little Clytemnestra out. It reminded me of a time I had ferocious constipation and needed half an hour to curl one out." He spread a little ketchup on his sausage.

President Donald Trump is understood to have ordered an investigation into whether or not the first moon landing ever happened on this day in 1969?
Trump is rumoured to have long considered the moon landings...

Satirists have officially announced that satire is no more, it has been confirmed.
A spokesman on behalf of satirists, announced, "As of January 31st 2017, satire is dead."
Satire has been called obsolete in the past,...

Episode 1 - Pathetic Presidents. The Terrible Trumps.
Welcome to the News at When. When? The 21st century, when one of America's presidents was a 9-year-old boy, Donald Trump. With more details, here’s Michael Fish...

The Wank Bank, formally Britain's premier repository of one-handed images, has announced that it will shut its doors after over 100 years of trading.
Founded in Rochdale in 1880 as the Rochdale Mutual Society, it originally...

Six year old Sally Parker, domestic overseer and student, has recoiled in horror fearing poisoning after the discovery of new food mixed into food she thought safe through exhaustive and repeated experience.
The incident occurred...

Local person and Rochdale Herald editor Quentin D.Fortesque has today ended the sad experiment that was his life, after an ill-advised use of the word "stat" to colleagues.
Fortesque, of unknown age, was holding an...