Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Extra! Extra! Read all
about it! Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after only 72 days!

Wow! Yes, that’s right.
The newlywed star is getting divorced. But the honeymoon isn’t over yet, is it?
Apparently it is. Ok, so what does that have to do with you and me? Isn’t this
site about fatherhood? Well, read on – we’re going somewhere with this.

For those who may not
know, Kim Kardashian is a reality television star. Her show, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, put her
and her family on the map in 2007. And since then, she’s had a meteoric rise to
fame. She and her sisters have starred in hit spinoffs, Kourtney and Kim Take Miami and Kourtney and Kim Take New York. She’s also starred on ABC’s hit
series Dancing With the Stars. Add
other accomplishments such as successfully launching multiple fragrances and
you’ll get the picture: Kim Kardashian is a star.

She began dating NBA playerKris Humphriesof theNew Jersey Netsin
October 2010. They became engaged in May 2011,and
married on August 20, 2011 in an elegant made-for-TV wedding in Montecito,
California. It was broadcast on the E!
television network and watched by millions around the world. Reportedly, Kardashian and Humphries made $17.9
million from the ceremony. And how much did the wedding cost? Some estimates
say $20 million. And unlike many young couples, these costs weren’t out of
pocket expenses for them. They paid little or none of the cost of the elaborate
event. Celebrity does have its privileges.

Well, just 72 days into the marriage, to the
surprise of millions, on October 31, 2011, Kim filed for divorce from
Humphries, citing irreconcilable differences. In less than 2 ½ months,
apparently, it just wasn’t working.

There are different schools of thought on what
actually occurred. Some believe that the marriage was a stunt to get the media
and fans talking. A widely held view in many circles is that any publicity is
good publicity. So, to them, this was a stunt to enhance the Kardashian brand. When
people say, “Can you believe that Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce?” that
results in greater awareness of the brand and spells $$$$. That’s just how it
works.

The E! network defended itself for partnership
with the couple by airing their wedding with the following statement: “Any
insinuation that E! and producers orchestrated Kim’s wedding is completely
false. The Kardashians have authentically lived their lives on camera for a
long time and Kim’s wedding is one of the many real-life events that the family
has shared with viewers…”

Others believe that it was just as Kardashian
claimed in her divorce filing – their differences were irreconcilable. It’s
highly unusual that a couple divorces after less than 3 months but it’s not
entirely impossible. Stranger things have happened. But regardless of what true
reasons are, the divorce has been filed and now the legal process of ending the
marriage has begun.

There are some lessons imbedded in this story
that I hope that men, women and children learn. I believe that families will be
better for it. So here are the lessons:

Marriage has traditionally been a sacred
institution – one that should not be entered into lightly. “Till death do us
part,” is a phrase often repeated in wedding ceremonies. So, in repeating the
vows, couples really are saying that despite the challenges that inevitably
arise, they will remain committed to each other until death. Words such as “for
richer, for poorer; in sickness, in health, for better, for worse” used to be
revered to the extent that divorce was never an option.

But over time, divorce has increasingly become
the norm in our society. Take a look at these statistics, for instance: In the
United States, in 1900, 7.9% of marriages ended in divorce. The percentage
increased to 23.1% in 1950; to 48.1% in 1975 and to and 50.3% in 2000. You get
the picture? Couples are stay together less.

Certainly there are a variety of factors that
have caused the change. One prevalent factor is that women have joined the
workforce in increasing numbers over the decades. Previously, many women who
were unhappily married opted to remain in those marriages because they were
less educated and would likely endure financial turmoil if they opted to leave.
But in today’s world, many more options are available to them.

Add kids to the picture and marriages take on
greater significance. Some divorced couples trace the demise of their marriages
to the birth of their children and the manifestation of fundamental differences
in the viewpoints on how they should be raised. Indeed, having kids adds a new
dimension to the married life.

I tend to be somewhat traditional in my
viewpoints on marriage. Perhaps it’s because I’ve seen my parents happily grow
together while raising my 3 siblings and me. This year they celebrated 47 years
of marriage. Statistics show that children with actively engaged fathers and
mothers in a two-parent household fare better than their peers who do not enjoy
the same privilege. When dads and moms work together to raise children, the
married life can be quite rewarding.

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries didn’t have
kids – 72 days isn’t a long time, is it? In my view, that’s one good thing that
comes out of this story. Children are often the innocent victims – collateral
damage, if you will, when marriages fail. Since this couple had no kids, when
this marriage is over, even if the divorce proceedings should get messy, it is
over. When kids are present, there’s a perpetual tie that binds mother, father
and child(ren).

Another lesson I’d like to look at in this
impending divorce is the fact that in our society, we often emphasize the
glamour and elegance of weddings and fail to give the same emphasis to the
marriages. Weddings can truly be beautiful. If you saw the Kardashian /
Humphries wedding, you can attest to this. $20 million can go a long way!

One of my fondest childhood memories was
waking up early one summer morning at my uncle’s home in Jamaica and watching
the wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana. Some called that the wedding of
the century. Now a generation later, their son, Prince William took Kate
Middleton to be his bride earlier this year. I wrote William & Catherine;Charles & Diana: What We Can Learn From Them as I thought of these two
royal couples and their fairy tale weddings. Charles and Diana didn’t fare
quite so well. I do hope that William and Kate’s relationship stands the test
of time.

You see, wedding ceremonies are great.
Honeymoons can be greater. But it’s the marriages that tell what couples are
really made of. Sprinting to the altar after a whirlwind romance is fine; but
marriage is a marathon – one filled with twists and turns that can either cause
the demise of a relationship or make it become more fortified.I know of couples that separate and
divorced while still having outstanding debts incurred from their wedding. How
sad is that? I’m all for memorable weddings but what good does it do to not
have the same devotion to every detail of the marriage as there is to the
wedding?

The final lesson I’d like to share
regarding this couple’s divorce is that we should not become so enamored with
celebrities that we lose ourselves and our core convictions in the process.
Hollywood thrives on the public intrigue with its stars. There’s a reason why
the E! network is so successful. Celebrity sells, plain and simple.

The unfortunate consequence to this, in my
view, is that people view the lives of celebrities and watch their every move.
And many believe that whatever their favorite star says or does is to be
embraced. Young children, in particular, are impressionable and can be easily
influenced while observing the lives of their favorite stars.

In the Kim Kardashian case, I believe that
her 72 day marriage has sent a message to young children that marriage isn’t
really a serious commitment – you get in, get out and move on. For this reason,
I implore dads and moms to teach strong traditional family values to their
children. I have a 13 year old and a 15 month old. I would like to think that
my wife and I would instill such values in them that, regardless of what a famous
star says or does, they would emulate the values taught to them by their
parents. That’s the true responsibility of parenthood.

I hope that these pointers I’ve shared
here have been beneficial to you. This impending divorce has been in the news recently
so I figured I’d share thoughts on the matter that would ultimately benefit
families across the world.What happens next with this divorcing
couple, I don’t know – I’m not one to keep up with the Kardashians! The 72 day
wedding is their legacy unfortunately. I do wish them well as they live their
lives. I also wish that they, as well as other celebrities, would recognize the
degree of influence that they have on the lives of others and therefore, make
decisions that would result in them having a positive influence on the public.

If you’re married, especially if you have
children, please do your best to keep it together. If you’re unmarried and
desire to be married, do choose wisely. If more than 50% of marriages fail,
tell yourself that yours will be one that not only succeeds but also thrives.
The love in our homes is ultimately what makes our world go around.

Celebrities are great to watch and
observe; but as we all live our lives, let’s embrace the values that will lead
us to build happy, successful marriages and families. We deserve nothing less.