Random thoughts, musings, observations, & commentary on life

The Sammy Awards 2012 – Part 3: From Appalachia With Love

Welcome back to Part 3 of the 2012 Sammys. I hope you have enjoyed Part 1 and Part 2 and will join us in the next day or so for the exciting conclusion. For now though we re-join our host Clint Eastwood and continue with the show.

To present our next award The Manofesto is thrilled to reunite the cast of the vastly underrated 90’s sitcom Boy Meets World. Please give a warm welcome to Ben Savage, Rider Strong, Danielle Fishel, William Daniels, & Will Friedle. And the nominees are:

The two time defending Sammy Award winners just keep plugging along. I think I described this as “comfort food TV” last year, and that characterization remains accurate. I love coming home from work every morning, giving lovins’ to my boy Rocco, having a nice breakfast, and settling down to watch Greeny & Golic do their thing. If you are a sports fan and you’re not watching this show then you are totally missing out.

Pardon the Interruption

Just like The Mikes do their thing every morning Michael Wilbon & the crotchety yet loveable Tony Kornheiser debate the sports issues du jour every evening at 5pm, albeit for only a half hour as compared to the 4 hour marathon that their compadres produce. These guys are not only entertaining but they are smart. Few television shows nowadays compel me to stop whatever I am doing and watch…this is one of the few.

I grew up in an era of incredibly entertaining sitcoms like The Cosby Show, Cheers, Happy Days, & Night Court. My tastes lean toward well written, intelligent, yet traditional & comfortable comedy. I need multiple cameras, a live audience, and a laugh track. Big Bang suits my fancy on all accounts. It is an old-fashioned sitcom that is smart, funny, edgy without being vulgar, and consistent in its quality. Not only do I do my best to keep up with first run episodes, but TBS now shows all the reruns so it’s a show I catch frequently.

How I Met Your Mother

It is amazing to me that a show built around one simple idea…the story of how one man eventually meets the mother of his children…has been able to successfully string along the audience without resolving the central question for 7 years yet few seem to mind. Neil Patrick Harris & Jason Segal are bona fide stars, and the writing remains superb. This is one of the very few network TV shows that has been able to hold my interest for any length of time.

I am not sure whether it’s a show or a channel. All I know is that in 2012, a few weeks into the football season, Time-Warner Cable finally brought the NFL Network to my area and this is its companion offering. I have thoroughly enjoyed coming home from church each Sunday afternoon and immersing myself in football for the next several hours. I have always done that to a degree, but now instead of being stuck with only a couple of games I get to see all of the most notable action in each & every NFL matchup. It is sensational, and whoever came up with the concept deserves to have some sort of statue carved in their honor.

American Restoration

Like many Americans I have embraced the growing trend of original programming on cable channels as the old network system continues to wither on the vine. I am convinced that the overall quality of what’s on television has diminished in comparison to my childhood, but the fact that there are many many more channels helps to offset the drift toward inane “reality” TV and the increase in violence, sexuality, & general depravity. Now I suppose this is technically a reality show, but it isn’t like the craptastic stuff the masses usually embrace (The Bachelor, Real Housewives, Breaking Amish, etc.). When one watches American Restoration one might actually learn something. That’s a concept I can dig.

Dan Lebatard Is Highly Questionable

I feel sorry for Lebatard, a Miami sportswriter who first came to my attention when he used to fill in occasionally on PTI. He was given his own show, but ESPN kind of treats it like a bastard stepchild. It’s usually on at 4:30pm, but is often pre-empted or moved around on the schedule. That’s too bad because it’s a really fun & quirky program. Dan’s co-host is his elderly Cuban father, who I absolutely adore. He reminds me just a little bit of my late grandfather. If you’ve checked out ESPN’s other shows but somehow missed this one (understandable given its nomadic scheduling) I urge you to give it a whirl.

American Pickers

The History Channel airs a lot of stupid stuff that I don’t really like and has nothing much to do with history (Life After People?? Really??), but when they get it right they do it quite well. American Pickers satiates one’s inner pack rat without the hassle of actually filling your house with junk you don’t need. Anyone who enjoys going antiquing or trolling yard sales every summer can appreciate the peculiar charm this show offers.

And the Sammy goes to…..

Mike & Mike. It’s an unprecedented 3rd consecutive Sammy for Greeny & Golic!! This show just never gets old. It’s fun, informative, and amiable. The guys have a good time but know when to tone it down and be serious as circumstances dictate. They lost some points on Halloween when they dressed up like that ridiculous Gangnam Style guy & his weird sidekick (they even did a parody video), but I am willing to overlook that one indiscretion (unlike a certain late night talker who Slow Jammed the News with Obama….a misstep that cost him a Sammy nomination). I like Golic so much that he’s even got me pulling for Notre Dame in the National Championship Game. I didn’t know there was any kind of voodoo in the world to even make that possible.

There’s always time for good music, so please enjoy a brief interlude by two artists that span the generations. Singing a duet of the Wilson Pickett classic In the Midnight Hour welcome to the stage legendary rocker Rod Stewart and American Idol winner Phillip Phillips.

To present our next award it is an honor for The Manofesto to welcome the former star of Cheers & Frasier, Emmy award winning actor Kelsey Grammer, and award winning actor, comedian, writer, and talk show host Dennis Miller. And the nominees are:

I’m probably going to catch some flak for this one, but I don’t care. Hasn’t Tebow gotten the message yet?? No one outside of ESPN’s resident buffoon Skip Bayless seriously believes that he can play QB in the NFL. The NY Jets obviously brought him in for a publicity stunt. They did get a ton of publicity in 2012, but for all the wrong reasons. Look, I’ve stated numerous times that I am sure Tebow is a nice guy. Is he a bit of a phony?? Probably, but aren’t we all?? Nevertheless, the circus needs to end and he needs to move on to whatever he is really meant to do with his life.

Roseanne Barr

Rarely is a person nominated for 2 Sammys in a single year. As a matter of fact I am pretty sure it’s never happened, although I am far too languid to do the necessary research. Anyway, suffice to say that Roseanne is an idiot and has been for years. She’s not funny, she has no class, and she’s wrong about just about everything she decides to spout off about.

Lindsay Lohan

Has this crack whore hit bottom yet?? Sadly I don’t believe she has. I’ve heard that her latest project, a Lifetime (television for women) movie called Liz & Dick in which The Hohan portrays Elizabeth Taylor, is hilariously bad. This is a gal that many once believed could be the next Meryl Streep. It is sad how all that potential has been completely wasted.

Taylor Swift

I’m not a real big fan of country music, but I don’t hate it. But compare a classy country artist…maybe Carrie Underwood or Martina McBride…to this kid and you’ll quickly realize that it’s like comparing fine scotch to cheap wine coolers. Have you ever listened to one of her interviews?? She is 23 going on 13. This immaturity has begun to noticeably bleed into her songs. Shouldn’t it be going in the other direction?? Shouldn’t her work become better & more refined as she gets older?? There’s also the matter of her personal life, which has become a national joke. I saw a quote somewhere that said that “this young woman doesn’t date…she trolls for potential lyrics to future songs”. There was also a Facebook meme that said something to the effect that one of Taylor Swift’s exes should write a song titled Maybe You’re the Problem. I think what Ms. Swift needs to do is go off the grid for a few years and come back when she’s gotten a little more life experience and can manage to be less annoying.

Kristen Stewart

I’ve never read Twilight and I never will. I’ve never seen the movies and have no intention of doing so. I suppose that disinterest is why I am sick to death of hearing about this human blank page. She’s got the charm & personality of rice cakes. For God’s sake you are rich, famous, & successful at the tender age of 22…can you atleast pretend to enjoy it rather than constantly looking like you are in the midst of a root canal & really have to take a dump??

Justin Bieber

Do I really need to explain?? Look, I know most teenage girls & senile grandmas think this kid is cool. I am not an teeny bopper or a granny though, so I think he’s a douchebag.

Dwight Howard

Has there been a bigger whiny little bitch in sports the past year?? He wanted out of Orlando, then he didn’t. He wanted to be traded, then he agreed to stay. He got Orlando Magic coach Stan van Gundy fired and still wanted out. Now he’s an LA Laker and they are mediocre at best. I am starting to fondly recall the good ol’ days of Shaquille O’Neal in comparison.

Piers Morgan

Roseanne Barr has some company. As you may recall Piers earlier won the Assclown of the Year Award, so I am sure he’d be quite proud of this daily double. Here’s the funny thing…he might actually go away…literally. Not only is there a legitimate petition to have him deported, but the man himself has stated that if more gun control legislation isn’t passed he may voluntarily leave of his own volition. That’d be fine by me.

And the Sammy goes to…..

Y’all know the drill by now, right?? It’s a TIE!! None of these people add anything of substance to our culture. They are all just a big ol’ waste of time. Take heart America…past nominees/winners of this award have included the likes of Jersey Shore (which just ended), Bret Favre (who finally retired for good in 2010), Twilight (which is finally o-v-e-r), and Heidi & Spencer (Remember them?? Probably not), so there is always hope.

We are so glad that for the 2nd year in a row the man for whom the next award was named can be here to present it. Please welcome one of the all-time great professional basketball players and current analyst for TNT’s Inside the NBA, Mr. Charles Barkley. And the nominees are:

The Charles Barkley Memorial Role Model Award

Eric LeGrand

On October 16, 2010 Rutgers defensive tackle Eric LeGrand made a tackle that would change his life forever. LeGrand was paralyzed from the neck down. I am a paraplegic myself but have always felt fortunate that it happened at birth rather than as a result of an accident when I was older. My life is the way it has always been and I know no other reality. To be able-bodied and have that suddenly change has to be traumatic. I have met people in that situation in my life, and oftentimes they are bitter, disillusioned, and angry at God. I completely understand that reaction. However, there is another way, and LeGrand has chosen that path. He has become an inspiration to millions who have heard his story. He has not shrunk into the background. He continues to live a full & satisfying life and work toward recovery. It is my understanding that he has regained some sensation & movement. At this year’s ESPY Awards LeGrand stated his belief that he would walk again and his intention, when that day comes, to return to the the field where he was injured, go to the exact spot, lay down, and then get up & walk off the field like he was unable to do on that horrible autumn day.

Dan Cathy & Mike Huckabee

The Chick-Fil-A controversy was obviously a big story in 2012. It all started last summer with a couple of interviews in which Cathy, the company’s CEO & son of its founder, espoused his & the company’s support of Biblical principles & “the biblical definition of the family unit”. Those statements created a firestorm of controversy stirred by the leftist, God hating, alternative lifestyles crowd. There were threats, there were boycotts, there were petitions…predictable reactions from what my man Rush Limbaugh refers to as “phony baloney plastic banana good time rock n’ rollers”. However, this time Christian conservatives fought back. Former Arkansas governor & 2008 presidential candidate Mike Huckabee organized Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day and on Wednesday August 1st the masses turned out in droves. I know the parking lot was packed and the drive thru line longer than I’ve ever seen it at my local restaurant, and my friend The Owl reported similar activity from his base in Columbus, OH. I am sure the business enjoyed a healthy bottom line, but that’s not really what it’s all about. Kudos to Cathy for standing by his values & running a first-class operation, and to Huckabee for doing what more Christians need to do…find a way to fight back that is tasteful, intelligent, peaceful, and examples Christ.

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker

After having been duly elected thru the democratic process in 2010 Gov. Walker was forced to endure a recall election in 2012 after less than a year in office. His crime?? He pissed off the unions in Wisconsin while trying to instill some fiscal responsibility to his state. Fortunately for Wisconsin Walker endured & won the recall. We need more public servants like Walker who are willing to tighten the belt, say no, and make a good faith effort to be proper stewards of that with which they have been entrusted.

Pat Summitt

I am not a big fan of women’s basketball or any other women’s sport. I guess maybe some would call that sexist. Maybe it is. At any rate, that being said, even a non-fan like me knows about the dominance of the University of Tennessee & their coach Pat Summitt. Between 1987 & 2008 Summitt led the Lady Volunteers to 8 national championships. Over the course of 38 years she became the all time winningest NCAA basketball coach, surpassing even the best men’s coaches like Duke’s Coach K., UCLA legend John Wooden, and Bobby Knight. In 2011 she was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s, but continued coaching. In 2012 she stepped down and let someone else take over. She didn’t have to…no one forced her to. But Pat Summitt knew it was the right thing to do…for her health and for the long term success of the program that she’d built. She has handled herself & the situation with grace & class. I do not know the current state of her health, but I wish Pat Summitt all of the favor & blessings that God may see fit to bestow.

Felix Baumgartner

On October 14th the 43 year old Austrian daredevil set multiple world records when he skydived from 24 miles up into the Earth’s stratosphere, becoming the first person to break the sound barrier without vehicular power in the process. Why’d he do it?? I don’t know. All I do know is that it was pretty freakin’ cool and an amazing feat.

Angus T. Jones

I do not watch Two & a Half Men. It comes on at 9pm on Monday nights, and nothing is going to tear me away from my pro wrestling. I’ve seen a few episodes here & there over the years, enough to know that Jones portrays the “half man”, the son of the character played by Jon Cryer (otherwise known as Matthew Broderick Light in the 80’s). A few months ago the 19 year old Jones, who apparently had been born again recently, expressed refreshing honesty about the program on which he appears when he said that it was “filth” and encouraged people to stop watching. Now there are some that have called Jones unprofessional & hypocritical, pointing out that he is biting the hand that feeds him & also still cashing those paychecks since he hasn’t quit his job just yet. Those are valid arguments. However, I choose to blame the admittedly clumsy way in which the young man handled the issue on his youth. He’ll learn to approach situations with more elegance & finesse as he matures. I would rather focus on the fact that The Lord has a new soldier in His army that is beginning to recognize some basic truths about life. I wish young Mr. Jones nothing but success in whatever pursuits he may decide upon in the future and sincerely hope he continues on the path of faith.

Howard Cooper

Who?? Yes, I know…you’ve never heard of him. Well not everyone worthy of our praise is a celebrity. Cooper is an 83 year old Michigan man who owned an auto dealership until last spring. Upon his retirement he decided to thank his 89 employees in a very practical…and generous…way. Cooper gave each employee $1000…for every year of service they’d given the business, which opened 47 years ago. In other words, anyone who’d been with Mr. Cooper since the beginning received a check for $46,000. Someone who’d only been around half that time received a still handsome sum of $23K. He had also insisted that the business who’d bought him out retain each employee as a condition of the sale. The total sum of these gifts is unknown, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that the world would be a much better place if every boss was as thoughtful as Mr. Cooper and cared about their security as much as him. Kudos to Howard Cooper. Well played sir.

And the Sammy goes to…..

Eric LeGrand. Maybe I am a bit biased since I myself am in a wheelchair. I hope that LeGrand is able to someday walk again, and I would love to see him fulfill his dream of walking off the same field that he once left on a stretcher. Only God knows if that will actually happen, but in the meantime I am sure he will keep working, stay active, and show the world that a disability is not a death sentence. In May the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (now coached by former Rutgers coach Greg Schiano) signed LeGrand to an NFL contract, which was a damn fine gesture on their part. In July LeGrand officially “retired” so as not to take up a roster spot…an equally classy move.

This seems like the appropriate place to take another break. Please stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of the 2012 Sammy Awards!!