Daughter just doesn't feel "normal"

In addition to my dd having what we think are migraines and panic attacks from starting a very out of control high school (in last post), she now broke down in tears last night and told me she doesn't feel "normal". When I pressed her, she said that she feels she is losing all of her friends. They are never available. She said everyone is going crazy over boys and she just doesn't feel that way now. Apparantly 2 boys want to go out with her, but the mere thought terrifies her. She is begging me to let her be cyberschooled (due this particular school being incredibly overwhelming as well....not just the boy issue). I feel so bad for her. As a mother, I want to protect her from EVERYTHING uncomfortable, but I know that's not the right thing to do. I truly don't know what to do. She is genuinely a good kid that is VERy anti drinking, drugs, anything bad. She's been thrown into a very large, overcrowded, out of control school. I do think she has a bit of social anxiety to begin with (large crowded places make her a bit uneasy). Would you send your child to a counselor (which she doesn't really want to go to)? Would you do the cyberschool at this point?

Yes, I would send her to a therapist to help her work out all her emotional issues. Not so sure about the cyber school option, but is there a smaller school in your area she can attend, like a Charter school? Some kids do independent study programs, might be worth checking out. She really sounds unhappy, good luck!

I too, encourage you to have her see a therapist to address her issues with potential anxiety and school related fears.

I do think it is very important for us to listen very carefully to our children and let them know that you are there to support and help her with anything that overwhelms her.

Some young people are very sensitive to environments which are chaotic and challenging. I do believe it is good to try and overcome any obstacles that stand in her way of success, both emotionally and educationally. Foremost, I think we should support our children different personalities as best we can.

While cyber school may offer some advantages, do not forget the importance of connecting with her peers, finding new friends, and overcoming our fears. I think the therapist will offer you the best insight on that question, after meeting her.

You know your daughter best, and I bet your instincts will help you answer this question as you go along. For now, allow you daughter to speak freely about her feelings and be proactive in getting her some professional help.

Is there an option for her to attend a different school in your district? Most schools allow that as long as their transportation is provided. I think cyberschooling would isolate her and compound her social problems. I would try to keep her in the mainstream, with support from a therapist and the school psychologist, so she can work through this, but in a more controlled calm environment. I would also encourage her to be a leader, not a follower, and not go along with the crowd just to fit in or make friends, which could lead to some bad choices. She needs work on self esteem and confidance, and you seem to be a loving supportive parent who can help foster that.

I agree that I think your daughter could benefit with some counseling. Being a teenager is such a difficult thing these days. My heart just aches for you and her.

I would suggest against the cyberschooling. That would only allow her to hide at home, which doesn't solve her problems, only compound them in the future. If there is a smaller school around you that she could attend, that might help.... Have you talked to the guidance counselor at her school? Does the school have any idea that she is suffering so much? I have found that a good counselor can offer you some suggestions...just a thought.

It sounds like she is somewhat immature as far as hers ar. This isn't a bad thing, but does leave her out of the group that has already noticed boys. This is hard on friendships and on her own self worth.

I hope that you can get some good help that will increase her self worth and her confidence. She may also benefit from some meds that can help her with the anxiety and such.