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You Do You

"You do you, Min. Don't give a fuck about anybody else. Hard work always wins out. People can see that. Focus on yourself. Don't worry about what the other person is doing. Let them fuck up. You're not responsible for them."

My sister told me this tonight and I need to etch it into my brain. Or something like that, anyway. I'm going through some tough adjustments at work this week and it's been really difficult. I still adore my job, but the honeymoon period is definitely over and personalities are beginning to clash.

It's so hard for me to let someone else fail. I'm too nice of a person to do that. However, if they are unwilling to accept my help then I need to let them fall on their own. I need to remember that I am not responsible for the well-being of everybody.

I'm too damn polite. Apparently, my politeness sends the wrong vibes to other people. I end up sounding insincere when in reality I truly am so thankful that you took the time to refill my water. Really! Thank you so much!

"You can just thank them for water. You don't have to kiss their feet."

I've been told by several people over the years that when they first met me, they wanted nothing to do with me. I come off as condescending, intimidating, or stuck up because I am "too polite." My sister told me this is because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings when I first meet them. Isn't this normal? I suppose this isn't now in the world we live in.

But I truly do have really good manners! My mama taught me well. Manners are so important to me that I have a separate label for when I blog about it. Okay, I'll admit that that's really nutters and not normal at all.

Should I change my ways since it seems like my over-politeness offends some people? This whole situation is keeping me up way past my bedtime. Can I convince people that I really am that nice? Because I really believe my grocery friend, Robert, is just that good of a person. Or will I continue to offend people by sounding condescending everywhere I go, even though I think that I'm spreading cheer? I've gone 24 years acting this way. How many people have I rubbed the wrong way? Can I go apologize to them?

"You know what? If you like that about yourself, if being polite is something that means a lot to you, then fuck the world."

Thoughts? Suggestions? Should I give a big middle finger to the world? Is there such thing as being too polite? How can I sound more sincere when I tell someone, "Thanks so much! I appreciate it!" when they put my groceries in my cart?

Comments

Although I've never met you in person, it's hard to believe that you come off intimidating or condescending. But recently, I had a similar conversation with my younger daughter. Sometimes, she responds or says something that comes across in a totally different (and more negative) way than what she intended. Usually, it's because of something else that's going on internally, like she's stressed or anxious or embarrassed, which she's trying to cover up. She could say, "If people misinterpret me, that's not my problem because that's not how I intended to come across," or she could try to be more aware of what's making her mis-communicate and try to do a better job of communicating in a way people get.

So my question for you, Min, is, might there be an underlying reason for why people aren't reading you correctly. Things like self-consciousness, nervousness, wanting people to like you, etc. I think just being aware of what's going on inside can make a huge difference in how you're perceived. I don't think there's really such a thing as being over-polite, so maybe it's something else that's causing a disconnect.

Doing some catching up and read this. I can relate to it entirely and often feel the exact same way. I constantly fear that I come off as insincere when in truth I actually care so deeply. I was telling Tim this the other night and he told me "If you feel like you have to worry about this, you're surrounding yourself with the wrong people. Otherwise, stop giving a fuck and keep being the loving person you are. Everyone that thinks you're insincere is a step behind."