Just wanted to check in. I've kept meditating, but stopped posting here daily because in stage 1 & 2, if I missed a day, the guilt would often stop me from meditating on consecutive days, and posting seemed to fuel that. I have a steadier practice now, but I don't think daily logs will be beneficial for me.

I'm wondering if it's okay with you all if I make logs a couple times a month as check-ins rather than daily. It goes against the technical spirit of this sub a bit, but it will help me document larger occurrences or changes in my practice.

I've been reading all of your posts almost daily, and I'm happy that you all are making such great progress :)

30 min each day. Dealing with limited internet access lately hence the posting. A lot I want to say but just no time (or the time doesn't line up with my energy levels), I hope everyone is sticking it out well. It's a bit frustrating to not know how much to reach out and, when you do, not knowing how much effort you'll actually be able to afford to put in. I'm also a bit frustrated or worried because I feel like at least in a certain case I've dropped the ball here and it's not great (if you're posting, don't worry it's not about you!).

Sessions have been mainly strong I feel! A lot of late night ones and a couple (like today's) with a lot of distraction but all have had well-concentrated parts to them and extra effort put in so I'm largely happy right now!

I had listened to Culadasa audiobook for 20 minutes, taking notes, mostly thinking of my distracted niece. His ideas on the relationship between the unconscious, the intention of focus, and meditating practice stands out as interesting, and motivates.

I set a timer for an hour, with a choke at 5 minutes and another at 50 minutes.

I prep for the 1st 5 minutes. The prep is standard, consistent, and good. I count up to 30 and back down, a “mountain.” I focus on the breath at the nostril and upper lip. I seek the experience of temperature and sensations of airflow (and transition between in, nothing, out, and nothing.)

The distractions come in so many different forms and flavors that I can’t even sort them out. My voice, plans, new ideas, English, not English, seldom Spanish, visualizations, imaginary conversations, solutions, defining problems... a less sharp kind of focus on the nostril than I’d like, a question of where I am in the count, or when I should count, or how focused was I previously in the count. I can’t comprehend noting, because a) i can’t distinguish, & b) the note would more intensely distract.

I move my body against my desire to sit still. I do “allow” myself to think about posture and abdominal muscles. I think of the Japanese lower abdomen, and the belief that posture matters, that a master can know distraction level by observing students’ posture, that we are antennae.

But, I move to relieve frustration in boredom. I find my toes curled up, my neck stretching sideways or my whole torso folding forward, and/or my hands pushing on my legs. I don’t think this is okay. I think I missed the cue. I’d like to catch the desire to move before the movement. Less to “suppress” the movement, more to signal that I’m paying attention, to discover or catch a sensation, to get my awareness earlier in this cognition process, thus benchmarking progress.

I think often about one reddit thread of someone struggling for months or years in stage two. I have advice for him (to try to catch the difference between in and stop) yet here I am... soooooooo distracted.... way more distracted than focused, ‘stuck’ in stage two.

I’d like to distinguish or even measure two types of distraction: a) the “forgetting” where I’m completely lost, and b) all others... where I’m aware of the breathing, definitely not losing count, but am also thinking of other things, sometimes not even aware of what the underlying experience is, just frazzle.

Headspace anxiety day 17. Went alright, mind was less distracted. Labeled the distraction thought or feeling, then positive, negative or neutral and went on back to counting my breaths. "I love myself" on the inbreath, 1-5 on the outbreath. I am happy I took the time for myself with this meditation today. I feel at peace.