Things happen. One after the other. Then I write about them out of order.

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Monthly Archives: November 2012

There’s a lot in my mind at the moment. A whole muddle of new beginnings, old reconnections and ongoing confusions.

The only thing I can handle dealing with now is an old reconnection. To explain that I have to go back to last night… and to explain last night I have to go back to September… and to explain September I have to go back to one year ago, a little house just down the road from where I live now…

I had moved home in the May of that year. I was 2 thirds of the way through my degree course. Various events meant that staying where I was had become rather impractical and inconvenient (probably another story for another time) so I decided to transfer to a very similar course in my home town. After a lot of badgering and repeated explanations (yes I have studied this so I will be able to follow your course. Really, I HAVE!) the university finally let me in.

Now I just needed somewhere to live (I could have stayed with my parents but I get on with them so very much better when we all CHOOSE when to see each other) and, as luck would have it, a ‘vacancy’ appeared. One of my friends (who had just graduated) lived with her boyfriend in a house owned by her stepdad. Unfortunately over the summer, the boyfriend had turned a bit… strange. Personally I had never liked the guy but my friend E did so I had kept my mouth shut. Long story short: their relationship was not going well. He moved out and they agreed to give it one more try. This left her alone in a house big enough for two. The spare room became my room, I brought in my furniture and together we re-arranged and even re-decorated. We were both pretty excited – neither of us had really lived with a friend before.

At first it went damn well. We got on brilliantly, we had loads of fun… and then things changed. We both began to get annoyed with each other often. Things just didn’t seem to run smoothly any more. I felt like she’d become rude and distant. I don’t know what she thought about me. I would guess she thought I was inconsiderate. I didn’t agree.

The first step on the road to ruin was probably the moment when I said ‘How would it be if my parents’ insane cat moved in with us?’ and she said ‘That’s a great idea!’

It wasn’t a great idea. She had never had cats before and this cat is… well. He’s a bit unusual. He’s always been nervous and twitchy so I wanted to keep him in for a while or at least let him out when supervised just to make sure he wouldn’t run away. E thought he smelled. Bad. To be fair he did use his litterbox A LOT.
To this day I maintain that that cat does not smell. I have proof from everyone else who has even been near him: he does not smell. I am very concerned about cleanliness in general and I was pretty miffed about the whole thing. The dam broke when she texted me to tell me she didn’t want the cat any more. He’d been there less than 3 weeks.

We fell out. I was hurt that she didn’t want my cat and that she couldn’t even tell me in person. She was… I don’t know… very anti-cat.

Looking back it sounds strange and silly perhaps. At the time it was big. I think we’d have fallen out anyway. It just happened that that was the ‘thing’.

December came and life at home didn’t improve. Tensions were riding high and I had the feeling that everything could explode at any moment. As though we were just waiting for the trigger. We had previously been part of the same friendship group although she had very much lost touch with everyone (by her own choice). I still saw my friends and wanted them to come round.

I casually invited 3 friends round for an evening of board games the following week. Nothing big, nothing loud or boozy. Board games for goodness sake. I let E know immediately. The next day we put up our Christmas tree. During this time ‘friends’ came up and E decided to let me know that she didn’t like my friends and didn’t want them to come round. She also demanded that I ask her permission before ever inviting anyone round.

So. I hadn’t realised what a long story my boyfriend tale was. I reckon it’s probably best if I continue to break it down into chunks – that was the way it really happened after all. Weekly two hour sections are an… interesting way to start a relationship. I remain undecided as to whether it is a rather good way (lots of getting to know you, limit on weekly pressure due to time constraints) or a very bad way (it can be painfully drawn out – I’ll try to ensure the retelling isn’t!)

Anyway, in the news department: I recently acquired a job! Yay. I graduated this year and (after chilling pretty much all summer) I’ve been looking for while.

Starting this week I’ll be working for a national clothing chain. I’m somewhat looking forward to it but I’m also somewhat terrified! It’s pretty different from anything I’ve done in the past so I don’t really know what to expect. We had an orientation last week which involved watching over-dramatic videos about safety and shop-lifting. They kept showing rows of merchandise and then one would fade out quickly and the whole picture would turn black and white while intense music played. So, you know. Don’t shop-lift. That’s the message there.

Anyway! It should be good. I do actually really like the shop and it seems like quite a pleasant place to work – the manager that did the induction was really keen on emphasizing employee safety and whatnot so that was nice.

In other news: it’s one month til Christmas! I am aware that is probably not news to people but I am quite excited. I love Christmas. It’s the glitteriest time of the year: what’s not to like?

I shall be off now, just wanted to do a news update post tonight. Proper service (I do intend to post every other day) will resume shortly. Things to expect: me freaking out about my meeting with a friend who I drastically fell out with this time last year but am now trying to reconnect with, me freaking out about the ongoing confusion of men in my life, me not freaking out the glittery, snowy joy that is the Yule-ish season, me freaking out about what on earth to get people for the culmination of said season. Also, I guess, me using long words and peculiar sentence structure. But that’s just business as usual really.

So. Here I sit, in my living room, ‘Newsnight’ being mainly ignored in the background, red blanket wrapped around me because I’m still recovering from this damn cold (on antibiotics now!) and at last I think I might actually be in the mood to tell this story properly.

We left me before having just entered the studio theatre, peering around at the assorted strangers. Were there any cute ones? The honest answer is: yes.

The even more honest answer is: there were maybe two but on second glance, was that one a woman? A really masculine looking woman… surely it was a man? And yet he brought to mind my sewing teacher from school.

Looking back, I’m honestly not sure how much I ever believed that the person before me was a woman. He had a slightly feminine haircut and way of moving. And there was that resemblance to the sewing teacher (on reflection I think she just looked manly). But really it was just something I mentioned to J which then became ‘A Thing’.

Anyway. If he was a man: he was a rather cute one. If he was a woman: um. Not so much. I hoped for the former as I only swing one way (and if I did swing the other way, I don’t think ‘she’ would be my type).

Anyway. The second cute guy was shorter and blonder and muscular(…er?). Younger too I guessed but I stink at guessing ages. The rest of the group was made up of a pretty wide range of people – a couple of girls who looked to be around my age, some older women, guys from maybe 25 to 40 and finally, two older gentlemen.

I took my seat. I remember that first class pretty well. We had to think of a character and then come up to the front one by one. We then acted like our character and answered questions from the rest of the group who had to guess ‘who’ we were. I chose to be a rock star as I had recently become somewhat obsessed with David Bowie. It was a bit awkward. Actually. It was a lot awkward. I think people struggled to guess.

Next we were paired up. Then we had to stand in front of the class, one pair at a time, and improvise our two characters meeting in a lift. I was paired with E. She looked my age (I thought) but turned out to be around 8 years older. I stink at guessing.

Our ‘improv’ went fairly well, I guess. Nothing stands out about it now! The two cute guys were paired up. I forget what the blonde one did… I think he was some sort of young delinquent. The other one was ‘World War Two Veteran’. He did it really well – he sounded so weary and lonely! We watched as these two guys put together a strangely sweet little scene from nowhere – an unexpected connection between the very old and the very young. Memorable. As were the men themselves.

So this blog has been on a brief hiatus due to the most fearsome cold I have had in a very long time. I’ve coughed some much my stomach hurts. It’s beyond ridiculous.

On the plus side I recently acquired a job. So that’s good. I was off my head on cold medication when I went for the interview last Saturday so I was pretty surprised I hadn’t buggered it up in some bizarre and frightening way.

It’s a ‘for now’ job, something to earn me a bit of money while I work on wider plans, career stuff and so on. It’s in a clothes shop, which is kind of unexpected really. But I think it’s better than me trying to do an office job again. Now that was a bad time.

One of the questions in the interview was ‘What trends do you think are ‘in’ at the moment?’ That does happen to be something I kinda know about. I don’t think you’d expect it if you knew me but I find it amusing to be able to go ‘Cupcakes? So over. It’s whoopie pies now people’. Even if I just think this in my head ’cause no-one ever really seems to raise the concept of cupcakes being in or not with me. Whatever. I amuse myself.

Anyway, my interest in this shizzle fluctuates. So when he asked, I couldn’t think of a single thing that was in. My (male) friends had suggested this would be a question and proceeded to do comedic impersonations of my potential answers – during this time of mocking I did shout ‘METALLICS ARE IN. PROBABLY.’

This was the only thing that popped into my head. I said it. He looked at me expectantly. ‘And… deep colours, now it’s autumn, things like SIENNA’ He nodded, looking pleased. I felt a bit more confident and opened my mouth again ‘And for men I’ve being seeing a lot of…’ A lot of what brain? Trousers? Shoes? And then into my head popped an image: before the interview I sat in men’s shoes, waiting (and I mean the department, not that I was wearing men’s shoes or that I had found a giant pair and climbed inside) and happened to glance around at the clothes. For a split second I saw a tweed jacket with leather patches.

‘I’ve been seeing a lot of tweed and leather!’ I finished triumphantly. He nodded some more and made agree-ey noises. I don’t know whether he liked what I was saying or whether he just wanted me to shut up. Maybe he thinks I’m a fashion genius.

Either way: I got the job. Now all I want to know is whether leather and tweed really is in for men this season?

I’m just writing really because I can’t sleep. I’ve always been rubbish at sleeping… unless it’s the morning and I need to get up. I could go pro then.

I used to be crap at that too when I was a kid. I remember my parents talking about having a lie in at the weekend and I thought ‘Why on earth would anyone want to do that? Why would you want to miss part of the weekend?!’

I supposed a parent-mandated bedtime and the thrill of it not being a school day were massive contributors to that feeling.

When I was a baby apparently I barely ever slept. It appears that old habits die hard. It must have been hellish for my parents: sorry guys! I now understand the joys of sleep. Sometimes.

On the plus side, being awake at this ridiculous hour (it’s nearly 5 am) does mean that I’ve found out the results of the US election. I don’t know why but it’s kinda nice knowing this early. Everyone else will wake up to it. I was there a half hour after it was announced in America.

I wonder if Americans find it odd that Brits (and probably the rest of the world) are so interested and informed about their politics? I mean the US is obviously rather powerful in the world but I think it’s also partly the drama of it. The politicians there seem larger than life. It seems exciting, it seems dramatic. Having seen ‘The West Wing’ helps – I think I understand the workings a bit more.

The huge contrast between the two parties is fascinating as well. In Britain our politicians just seem like various shades of grey. Personally and politically. The last election was somewhat more interesting as the third party actually seemed to have a chance for, what seemed like, the first time ever. It was the most exciting thing to happen in the Houses of Parliament since Guy Fawkes tried to blow it up, I expect.

Said party of course turned out to be lying, spineless jerks in the end. But for a moment, just a moment, we had real excitement in British politics!

Now I hope it to be a tale worth telling and as such I am just going to plunge straight in…

A English city. A girl who suddenly feels alone even though she’s still at home.

Alone because all of my friends, except one, had just gone off to university. I decided not to, it wasn’t the right place for me at the time (I did go two years later). But I was lonely. I think it was my mum who saw the advert:

‘Local Theatre Company seeks new members. Come along to our Tuesday welcome evenings and get involved!’

So I did. And I learned about the weekly actor’s workshop every Thursday. I was very nervous but I knew I had to do it. Unfortunately, approximately one minute before I was supposed to leave I nipped to the toilet with my phone in my pocket. My phone did not stay in my pocket. My phone jumped down the toilet. That was a bad time.

Anyway. Off I went. I’d persuaded my friend, J, to go with me for moral support. I dressed in what was hopefully a creative, artistic yet casual manner. Possibly I just looked like an ass.

My nervousness increased as we entered the building. There were about twelve other people in the black painted ‘Studio Theatre’, including that week’s teacher. A few others appeared to be new and the teacher had everyone introduce themselves. As usual I couldn’t help but have a quick scout out for interesting looking men…

To be continued (as this is gonna get long. Figured bite size chunks would go down better!)