Who are we?

I see myself cowering and it terrifies me. I am seeing myself less and less these days and I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

So much of me wants to just run away. To be free. Free from the expectations you have of me. Free from taking care of you, because it always seems to be about you.....

Your selfishness I see high lighted. Always and only thinking of you. Emotionally unavailable, emotionally unsupportive, our lives are consumed by stories told by you. And even after a long hard day when I need some support, some love, maybe even a hug and a kiss, you will leave me to stroke you. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to feel when I see you walk down those stairs four or five times a day, and yet there is no time for us......I'm so confused. Quietly, I resign. Left alone, I wander to the kitchen to clean up your mess and make dinner for two.

Emotionally I think I've cut you off and I'm scared for me. I don't know where I'm supposed to go, what am I supposed to do, but deny my hurts, and feel the callouses grow on my heart ....Can't believe how much of it always is about you...afraid to speak, afraid to feel, afraid that you've just become a friend...that there will no longer be passion, no longer can I look at you and not feel like I'm a schizophrenic. My heart hurts over you. Over this. Over me. Thinking about how many things I've given up to keep you happy, how many times you've given me that stare, that I should know better, that should be for you, and wonder who I am, the woman you love or if we've just become platonic friends....