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2010-08-27 15:57:55

Dear Midnight Mover

Dear Midnight Mover,

1st of all I would like to thank you for the whole six months of consistent loyalty you have provided our company. We could always count on you to stumble through our doors and pay your rent no more than eight days late. We where very disappointed to hear you had left in the middle of the night without saying good bye.

I would also like to thank you for the excellent condition you have left our rental property in. I’m sure the new tenant will love the countless cigarette burns in the carpet, it really gives the place an “at home” feeling; and the pet urine stains puts the icing on the cake. I would also like to express my gratitude for the sanitary way you left the refrigerator. The raw meat stains and rotten vegetables will go so well with the half eaten sandwich you left behind the stove. We found your two week old TV dinner in the oven. Although quite tempting to keep it for myself, because of the great relationship we have developed, I took the liberty of wrapping the left overs, and mailing the remains to your emergency contact. No need to thank me, I know you would have done the same for me.

We really appreciate the remodeling you did as well. I’m sure the new tenant wouldn’t have wanted that wall there either. The missing cabinet door makes the room look more spacious and welcoming; I’m not sure why I didn’t think of that before.

I would also like to extend my thanks for the condition of the bathroom. The un-flushed toilet was quite a pleasant surprise to my nasal cavity; and don’t worry about the stains on the floor, we where going to replace that vinyl and toilet anyway.

We had no idea you where going to be leaving your pets behind. I’m sure the new tenants will not feel lonely with the eight thousand roaches you have so generously left for them. You know what they say, roaches make the best pets.

We thank you for the gift of the old kitty litter boxes you left in the bedroom. It left a pleasant overpowering aroma throughout the entire house.

We absolutely adored the way you decided to decorate the backyard. The array of dirty baby diapers and beer cans really brings out the colors of the home. We enjoy the missing planks in the fence; it makes it much easier to go from the front yard to the back yard.

We applaud your commitment to keeping our property in tip top condition. We truly appreciate your kindness and will deeply miss you. If you are ever in the area again, look us up. I’m sure our vendors would love to see you again; I know we will!