Sun Crosses World, Leaving Economic Wreckage in Its Wake

Your workday may just be starting, but already it’s a terrible one for the parts of the world where the day begins earlier. As the sun reached Asia and markets opened, stock markets crashed, with Japan’s Nikkei index dropping 9.6 percent before close, its lowest level since 2003. It’s set to be the region’s worst week on record. The sun wreaked havoc on European markets next, with markets losing 10 percent across the board. And now the cursed ball of flame has reached America! As it scorches away across the heartland, GE has already announced a 22 percent drop in third-quarter net income. Stock futures suggest the Dow will fall about 3.3 percent at the opening of trading. Newspapers and TV news outlets are already asking whether this will be called “BlackFriday.”

Does nobody see what needs to be done? Does nobody see the obvious correlation between the arrival of the hydrogen-high beast in the sky and disaster here on the ground? The answer is clear: We need to shoot down the sun. And John McCain is just the candidate to doit.