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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

We will be amongst the rich and famous

I am gradually wending my way though the discovery process with my iMac and am very fond of it indeed. It is certainly the most elegant computer I have ever owned and does things that make me gasp with admiration. The design and engineering are just so damn clever.

At the same time I am reading a biography of Steve Jobs. So far I am up to the stage where he was booted out of Apple and it seems to me that he was a lying, cheating, stealing, drug taking, hypocritical, vicious, spiteful, cantankerous, mean and nasty person with no redeeming features whatsoever. His only skill seems to have been to be able to find very talented people and use and abuse them.

He had little part in designing the first Apples - but was quite happy to steal ideas from Steve Wozniak - and was single handedly responsible for the almost total destruction of the company.

I would read no further except that I understand that he became a completely different person and was reincarnated as a lovely genius - you know - like Dick Cheney. Let us hope - because at this stage of my reading he is an asshole of epic proportions and I am thoroughly disappointed in him.

On the weekend I have a special birthday. It will be the oldest I have ever been - and that’s saying something! On Thursday night we are going to a hotel called the Bio Hotel Stanglwirt

This is apparently a place where the rich and famous go. There is no point in their being rich and famous in front of us because we will not know who they are.

Niki Lauda and Arnold Schwarzenegger are the only two famous Austrians I would recognize - and I am sure they will not be there (Well - Arnold may be - but Niki will be in Monaco for the Grand Prix where he will be the expert commentator for Austrian TV).

Of course they don’t know who we are either and we will have funny accents so they make think ‘who are those people and are they rich and famous where they come from? Is it Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban?’ (OK I admit this is a bit of a stretch and is unlikely even if I take my Gibson Dusk Tiger).

This may send them crazy as I understand that rich and famous people feel insecure around other people if they don’t know whether or not they are famous. The therapists will be busy in Wien next week.

Anyway - you will be short a Blog or two this week so you will just have to do the best you can.

For years, as a French TV addict, I've been impressed by the stultifying panorama of dumb-faced Viennese bourgeoisie imposed upon us each New Year for the Strauss concert, probably broadcast to nomadic tribes in Africa who have to whip a grandson on a bicycle contraption to generate enough electricity to be able to listen to the strains of the Blue Danube Waltz. Please confirm, Badger: You, a humble Aussie, are destined to attain Women's Weekly celebrity by becoming one of them (the Viennese crowd, not the African peasants)… Big fucking deal, mate!

Badger: It's not always easy to evaluate the true degree of humor that exists in the context of Vienna for Dummies. I've noticed recently that, while you receive regular and ample reactions from female well-wishers, a lot of horrendous things give rise to no reactions… as if they were to be forgotten or ignored. For example, there was a recent reference to Aussie "tunes" from a vulgar compatriot who embarrasses me, but whose work merits evaluation. In flitting from one theme to another, and leaving unanswered questions behind you, I find that you hardly allow us the time to appreciate your prose.

William: I am pleased to say that my temporary excursion into the realms of the bourgeoisie is not by design. We actually bought a gift voucher for Rozalin but she is unable to use so - so we are indulging ourselves. I am pleased to say that we will never be members of Viennese - and will always be Auslanders.

I have noted that some of my finest contributions in the past have gone unremarked. The important thing is that I amuse myself.