The city that never sleeps alone

1. The City that never sleeps alone

The City that never sleeps alone

I make it to the house party, late and not drunk it's grand house for student living and it is owned not rentedWhen I told the others I was getting the night busto Peckham alone they half worried for me, but only half because we take these risks everydayInside, which is calmer and too safeI'm surrounded by posh medicsNo SmokingThey have turned the basement into a dance floorwhere no one has music in commonI watch the drunker men trying to play the Chase and Status gameand poor, poor women trying fuck ones who are still Scouting For Girls I am taken aside by That Old Chestnut headed boythere are pretty girls here and I'm 10 beers later still more sober than The Shotters and The Tame Oneshaving snuck outside for cigarettes stolen drinks my breath smells but he keeps trying to kiss me getting closer with his hands on the wall by my head I leave him to be with another man who begs me to introduce him to a girl I do not know telling me how he fucked her but only once and never again. At only half past two I am hidden outside, whispering about The Bigger Things in life with a friend whenI get the call from That Old Chestnut headed boy asking me to leave, and leave with him I bring my friend with meHis face showed disappointment, but only briefly and never againI ask about Our Fourth whether he'll be okay on his own "He's a big boy, anyway, he's pulled" oh You Old ChestnutI know that he doesn't know what he's pulledbecause in that dark corner of the room he grabbed my arse instead of hersbut we leave because we're tired of all the new and boring faces that we may see on the busbut only once and never againThe conversation between The Lads slips to chinese take away whilstI am lost in thoughts too sober for my bodyabout what drink takes awayI realise how partying pubbing and clubbing is really just socially acceptable alcoholismhow all those people at that partywere trying to flush out some kind of sick fear but the toilet was broken so they were only getting dirtier not cleanWe hardly speak in depth with words at least, so when I asked him about The Other Woman all I got was "I never said I wanted to be anyone's boyfriend"which was all I wanted to hearI felt much less anxious, and much less guiltySo I gave him his head for room and board and slept in arms too muscular to match my stomach and thought of nothing successfully numbedIn the morning we reminisce laughing in synchronythe way only two people who've swallowed one another whole can do with such spontaneityHe Laughed because of how awful the dancing was I Laughed because in the second he finished his orgasm He Laughed and said "Oh My God I went blind just then" Have you ever had so much joy, on a night on your ownFor one quick moment he squeezes me and says "It can be lonely here"I look through the windowsee scaffolding and fogstart talking about The Cityhe says "Oh, yeah, I just meant the double bed."He doesn't even know what he's afraid ofIt is the same as beforehe puts Come Dine With Me on his big TVthough we both know I never willI wake up slowly because there is no rush to leavenothing has to Happen we are friends I roll my first cigarette with my last rizla forgettingto ask for directions I start to feel lost until I saw Lord Nelson with his cheap pints for Students and after some consideration I left him alone and mapped my way back using tube stations puke points kebab shops flats I'd stayed in cigarette butts homeless men and only one church i've never been in and never will