Thursday, June 4, 2009

Even as I sit here now trying to type this...I'm not quite sure what to say. In life, we all know that there will be times when we will meet people who will for whatever reason just not "like" us, but even though you may have that knowledge it doesn't help soothe the wound when it hits.

I realize that I am an acquired taste - a taste that isn't for everyone. Truly I know that. In life you will find people of all sorts of flavors. Some are vanilla, some are chocolate, or strawberry. Me? Well, I'm pistachio! lol While it's wonderful to me - it's not for everyone. Aren't we all supposed to be different to a degree? How boring it would be if we were all exactly the same? But nonetheless, I know that not everyone will "get" that I'm truly just like everyone else, goofy one moment, serious the next, excited about life, needing acceptance and wanting a friend.

Some days I am my own worst enemy. Does that ever happen to you? Hard as I try - the words just don't come out right, and I come off sounding like a total goof or heaven forbid at times - rude (which truly I try so hard not to do - but at times I will admit I have "footinmouthitis"). Both of these though can be detrimental to friendship. Those who love you will overlook your goofiness and realize it is only a temporary lapse of brainpower and that soon you'll be back to normal. Those who don't, will write you off as a idiot. Those who love you will forgive your ailment of "footinmouthitis" and realize that you TRULY didn't mean it the way it came out because they will KNOW the intent of your heart and that it is good. Others will think the worst of you and worst yet, will always think you are a horrible person when truly you aren't, you just had a moment of "footinmouthitis". But then - maybe I'm the only one with that disease at times eh? I'm a pretty open person and I do tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. While it can be a good trait at times it can also be a curse. You will never have to guess how I'm feeling as it is normally pretty evident with me. Being an open person though leaves you very vulnerable - as you can easily be hurt by oncoming labels or cross blows of glares.

When I was naming my blog, I was torn as to what to call it. It didn't want it to be just for business or just my family stories etc - I wanted to have a place where I could just be open, be myself - a place where I could express myself not only creatively but also emotionally - sort of a what makes Kim tick sort of spot. My sister Rebecca actually came up with the name "Kim is a card" which of course it is a play on words since I make cards & I'm also a goof - I love to make people smile. There is a saying Laughter soothes the soul. It brightens your life and makes the worldly cares of your heart fade away. There is a saying by Mary H. Waldrip that states: "A laugh is a smile that bursts" - I LOVE this saying. We need more smiles so they can burst. Life is to be enjoyed not just endured. Abraham Lincoln stated "most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be". I've used this saying many times in my life with my children when life has gotten them down, it's followed by "choose happiness". I truly do believe we can choose to be happy in life - it's up to us.

Anyways, today my heart is heavy and saddened. Try as I might my eyes aren't smiling and so neither is my mouth and I'm afraid I might not get that smile which would then burst into a laugh at all today. I'll get over it, the pain will lapse and a new day will bring new friends into my life but for today I am sad. I'm saddened by what could have been. By the friendship that is now lost, and the labels that seem to have been attached now to my forehead. Soon the super glue power will fade, and the labels will fall off. My wounds will heal and yes, I will make new friends. But, deep down I know that there will always be that feeling of loss. The wonder of what could have been a great friendship if only they could have over looked whatever moment it was that made them turn away.

I love the part in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when the dad is toasting the bride and groom and he explains the meaning of both of the family's last names and how one means apple and the other orange. He says "while we are both different on the outside, we are basically the same - both fruits". Truly, this statement is true. We are all pretty much the same on the inside - even though I am pistachio - on the outside - on the inside I'm just a vanilla, chocolate or strawberry. I have the same feelings, hopes, dreams , aspirations, longings and beliefs.

7 comments:

aaaawwwww,Kim, my heart aches for you. Your words were very well written. I, too, have recently gone through something similar, not to take this away from you but to let you know how I understand what you are feeling. I wish time would pass quickly so the pain would dissipate. Take care, Dana

Thank you Dana & AnnaLisa, I appreciate you! I'm doing okay now - just stung a little this morning as it sunk in - but truly I'll heal up just fine. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all just get along? lol

Oh, I love Pistachio, too! This was very well said! Obviously, somebody needs a lesson on Christ like attributes! Love your neighbor! And thou shall not judge! I am sorry that you feel so hurt, time will heal, but the scare will still be there. You are an incredible person, Kim! I am blessed to have you as a friend!