I know this matter shouldn't be laughed about, but had Esther found an abusive godfather, wouldn't they live happily ever after? The man would get a perfect object for his inept desires because Esther would never grow up physically. Perhaps Esther, out of her new happy life, would eventually stop killing people.

There are many things I did for the first time in the recent year, and not all of them is told here.

I copied two of my friends' dresses. I dined at the rooftop of two buildings. I ate chicken feet. I watched breakdance live.

I washed my hair with bodyscrub gel. I tried sticking chewed gums on an earthworm and failed.

First time in my life, only done in the recent year, if you know what I mean.

I'd like to mention that washing away tiny beads of the scrub from your hair requires A LOT of water. Don't do it if you're lack of time, either. It felt like full bathing after a day at the beach. Scrubs are like sands, they stick to your hair and won't let go.

There are many things I did for the first time in the recent year, and not all of them is good.

This time of month, I feel un-unusually sad and depressed. I don't know whether it is about hormones flow that drown me deep, or something about seeing blood getting out of my body.

When I took bath this evening, I cried helplessly - true meaning since I can't help myself to refrain from crying. I wept and calling out for God repeatedly. I had to turn the faucet on so that sound of water will hide my continuous sobbing. Last thing I need is people outside force-opened the door being afraid that I might be at something - accidentally broke my leg while bathing maybe?

Anyhow. There was a strange thought running accross my mind. And toward that strange thought I gave in.

I imagined that my eggs had some kind of consciousness and that they so wanted to live.

And because of flaws seen on my physical appearance or holes found in my character men hadn't wanted them to. I even apologized to the eggs: "I'm sorry I couldn't find a man..."

And I began to sound totally out of my mind.

I don't know how I feel about this issue yet, but when I saw the stained napkin I cried. I mourned over a child falling dead, a child that didn't even exist.

And it's getting worse. I felt like throwing up after eating my dinner consisted of vegetables, peanut butter and sliced boiled eggs. Boiled eggs are *nonexistant* baby chickens wanting to live being put into hot, boiling water aren't they?

My girl boss dropped a CPU trying to move a table across the room. It's not her CPU, it's my colleague's. It's not her table, either. It's not even her office room! She just passed the window of my colleague's room and disliked the way it was arranged.

The dropped computer make quite a sound when it hit the floor. Later we couldn't turn it on. She's giving me a headache.

So sorry for the victims, however there's an internet pal worried about my safety. Here's his messages:

"I heard of the blast. My condolences. I hope u were not affected."

I was unable to check my inbox for a few days. That makes me get this:

"Missed u fellow compatriot. My adventure hasn't been fun without u. I wonder if my adventure is coming to an end. About the bomb blast, I hope u were not affected in any way. My condolences to those who affected."

And one more after I answered to those messages...

"Thank God. I was scared. Pls don't put me to suspense."

Yes. There are Indonesian people who live outside Jakarta. And no, I don't spend weekdays hanging around Ritz-Carlton.

Like I ever spend any days hanging around that awfully expensive hotel. -.-a