Monthly Archives: August 2016

The past few days, my enthusiasm for my twin flame journey has waned somewhat. I mean, what else do you do when you realize that despite wanting it to happen NOW, everything’s subject to divine timing? Add to that the possibility that union may just mean the balancing of the masculine and feminine aspects of oneself and not physical union with one’s twin and, well, I got into an “Oh, well…” surrendered kind of vibe.

Whenever I’d pull cards for my twin to see where he’s at, it’s still the same, working through some things that need healing and all that. Still the same Four of Pentacles, Eight of Swords, Seven of Swords. And I’m kind of tired of that. It’s like, delay again because you can’t figure things out or make a decision to head towards me?Oh, well. What’s new…

I still continually ask for signs but this “divine timing” is putting a damper on my enthusiasm. The other day, I was asking for a sign if I really was a twin flame and if we would get into union in this lifetime, and I got my answer through a jeepney on the lane opposite mine heading towards me. It had the words “BIRTHRIGHT” across its dash. I took it as a sign because if you’ve lived here long enough, you’d know that “Birthright” isn’t something commonly emblazoned on jeepneys. Why on earth would anyone use that word to mark their jeepneys with? It’s a fairly complicated word, loaded with meaning.

The next thing that called my attention was this sticker on a vehicle that said “Keep Faith & Trust”. So it seems I’ve been answered.

Still, nothing in 3D. Been focusing my attention elsewhere first. Thinking whether or not I would contact him but I’ve gone the chaser way before and that didn’t work. I know he was in my dreams yesterday but it was the last segment of my dream totally unrelated to him that I ended up remembering, so that’s lost in the ether as well. I seem to have a hard time remembering my dreams these days.

Spirit found a way around that, I guess. I woke up to the sound of a singing bird. Now, I’m usually annoyed at birds because … well, precisely because they wake me up with all that blasted chirping. Usually, they stop whenever they sense the dogs or humans up and about. I got up, thought nothing of it, did my morning rituals. Dogs were wide awake and playing with each other. The singing didn’t stop. The help came in to “make my bed” already — point is, a lot of movement — and the bird still kept singing. So by this point, it got my attention. That bird has got some nerve to keep on making noise despite the presence of humans and canines! So I take a peek through the door leading out to the balcony to see what the offender looked like. I was expecting several native finches (which is what is common around here) congregating in the balcony, but lo and behold, what do I see?

A hummingbird.

A what? Yes, a hummingbird. You could imagine my disorientation. Sure, if I were back living in the States, this would not be out of the ordinary, but here in the tropical suburban jungle, what on earth was it doing here? And I watched while peeking through a semi open door as it flit about, still singing, until it fully dawned on me that this wasn’t a usual thing, before it set off in flight. It was like it made sure that I got the message.

But what message was that exactly? This is what I got:

The special magic of the hummingbird is in its movement which creates the infinity symbol. Infinity = Twin Flames. “Hummingbird is a symbolic ambassador of this special magic; meaning that with skillful maneuvering, and the magic of believing anything is possible.”

Hummingbird Meaning

The hummingbird generally symbolizes joy and playfulness, as well as adaptability. Additional symbolic meanings are:

Lightness of being, enjoyment of life

Being more present

Independence

Bringing playfulness and joy in your life

Lifting up negativity

Swiftness, ability to respond quickly

Resiliency, being able to travel great distances tirelessly

It seems like a lovely sign through and through. However, whenever someone tells me to “be prepared” or “be resilient” my PTSD kicks in and that just makes me more anxious. Like warning bells go off in my head and I’m like, what heart and gut wrenching challenge should I go through this time?

I really really want somebody — no, not somebody, my twin flame, specifically — to take me aside, hug me, and tell me that all my worries are over, that I am loved, that we will go through life together, that we have more than enough for a roof over our heads, food, clothing, a comfortable lifestyle which includes travel and vacations, and all the other blissful stuff that comes with divine unions.

But my twin is still struggling with issues. So until he figures that out, it’s going to be a solo flight for me.

It’s finally done. I passed all the requirements needed for a possible appointment in the judiciary. I’m still feeling ambivalent about it – especially in the light of reports that first timers never get appointed, and of course, by the fact that if ever I do get either of the posts I applied for, that my life will do a 180 degree turnaround just when I’m just getting used to it. But what the hey, if I don’t pass what is required, that option will never be available to me. So there it is, I threw in my bet for a game of russian roulette.

If I reference all the readings regarding me and my twin with this point in my life, yes, I was supposed to be going through this toxic time of putting things together on the fly, but it was supposed to be for my wedding with my twin, not my career.

It’s been sort of the same with all the other forecasts and events — slightly off tangent. All those things that happened, I was supposed to be doing with the physical embodiment of my twin, but I ended up doing it alone. They all still came to pass, but not with my twin. So I have a theory on that.

The stuff that’s prophesied for me and my twin, they’re still bound to happen, but both of us have to be ready for it. If my twin’s not ready yet, it still happens to me, but since he isn’t around yet, I get to go at it by my lonesome. If the point was to show me that I could do it sans my twin, then okay, point taken. I would have done it anyway for lack of choice, right? Then again, I’m getting tired of this argument because no one from above seems to hear me or recognize it, that the point I’d want to get to is to enjoy life with the physical embodiment of my twin because that’s one thing I don’t know how to do at this point in my life. I’ve been going solo for most of it.

Anyway, during this brief period of chaos and confusion when I was getting my requirements together in order to meet that fricking deadline, I was hoping to get some guidance through my dreams. And yes, my dreams have been prolific, except for the fact that I can barely remember them once I get my groove on with my gargantuan list of things to do.

The significant points that I remember though, I told myself, I would write about. So here goes.

Yesterday, I had a dream sequence that was action packed. It was very Inception-like because I knew I was dreaming something that I had dreamt before in my dream. (Yes, confusing, I know) It was like a remake of a tv show, and what I remember was that the show was entitled “Event Horizon”. That’s what was repeated several times over in my dream so that’s what I ended up remembering. I wished I remembered more because it’s important.

In the middle of rushing last night for today’s deadline, I googled. Apparently, it’s a scientific term. This is what I got:

“[A]n event horizon is a boundary in spacetime beyond which events cannot affect an outside observer; a point of no return.”

A point of no return? WTF did I just get myself into again? And, better yet, what was this pertaining to? My love life? My career? My soul path? What invisible boundary did I cross this time?

Sometimes I just wish that these messages came with a footnote for peace of mind.

Then, there was this morning’s dream. I was supposed to wake up early since I realized that there were a couple more things I had to get done in the office to complete my requirements. I slept early, at around 10pm, and did wake up at around 6am, but was mid-dream, plus my body needed more rest so I ended up waking up late. I felt there was a message in my dream, but all I remember was that I was being shown these shoes that I was wearing. They looked like pearls at first, but upon focusing and zooming in on them, I realized they were shoes that were glowing with a pearlescent white light. I didn’t recognize they were shoes at first because the light was glowing so bright.

This is what I got about shoes:

“A dream about shoes may symbolize how you are moving forward on your career path or spiritual path in life.”

This one, too:

“Shoes in general suggest the situation you are in or a position in life. They can also indicate your character or chosen way of life through what type of shoe – a plain shoe, a fancy expensive shoe, an impractical and painful shoe.”

So, considering that I was shown to be wearing shoes glowing with a bright light, does that mean I’m enlightened? If I would put the most positive spin on it in my 3D life, it would mean that whatever path I choose to take, wherever my feet would take me, I would be guided by the light. Of course, that doesn’t say anything about love or if my dreams of tangible wealth would manifest, both of which are foremost in my mind.

I also wish that those glowing shoes were a sign that my “Labors of Hercules” are over. Something like a diploma or a graduation present. Kind of like Dorothy’s Red Ruby Shoes that will “take her home” if you click on it thrice. So, have I slayed the Wicked Witch of the West? I hope so. I am very tired.

Some twin flame videos say that the only time we will get into union with our twin is if we fully practice our mission. One even said that the first wavers will come into physical union this August-October. And that the second wavers are slated for 2019.

Re practicing my mission – I have no idea what to do with my spiritual gifts. I use them when I can, but I’m not sure if spirit is telling me to offer services in this regard. I feel I need to meditate deeply for answers on this.

The last time, I had already fulfilled my earthly mission which was to educate my earthly family. I’ve done that. Graduated from it already as I’ve recounted in my previous posts. The last “mission order” I got was to have a family of my own and be happy. Unless that’s changed, of course. I don’t know.

Re physical union – I’ve sort of surrendered this. Divine timing, they said. And, from my readings, it looks like my twin is still emoting about his failed marriage, and it will take some time for him to realize that we are meant to get together to do more for the planet. It’s almost futile to ask at this point.

Re my career – tbh, it’s really just something I’m doing to survive while waiting for my twin and to survive, of course.

I feel that time is running out. And 2019? Wow. I have no words for that. Can’t even bear to contemplate going through whatever I will have to go through to get there only to learn the lesson “See? You were able to get through it on your own! Yay!” Mercy, I beg of the heavens. If all this striving in solitary is all that is planned for me, Mercy and Compassion, please.

And hells, yeah, now, I’m publicly crying in a cafe as I’m typing this out. Got to stop. Bye for now.

I’ve been crying. On and off, not for anything in particular, but just purging and releasing. I’m thinking that maybe it’s hormones since it’s shark week for me, but maybe it’s also because the things I’ve been rushing to accomplish for my application are more or less in place, just a couple of things to polish it off and I can “not think about it” for a while.

If you read the entry before this, I was wondering why the silence from all fronts. It kind of seemed like a conspiracy. Even my Destiny Adviser wasn’t available, and I took it as a sign that this was something I had to navigate through myself.

I did a reading last night for me and my twin. He loves me, is looking towards me, but is still navigating through some issues of heartbreak. He’s having challenges with the ex, probably with regard to divorce matters. On the other hand, my column was pretty accurate — Eight of Swords, meaning I can’t see past anything (which is what I’ve been writing about haha), Five of Wands, Nine of Swords — but I did find it interesting that the underlying energy of the spread was the Sun. As though it was telling us that this was the darkness before the breaking of the dawn. For his energy towards me, he got the Twin Flame card. For mine towards him, the Ace of Pentacles, manifestation.

I also got that he was asking me to hold on as he was making the choices he needed to make. When I asked what he was deciding about me, the first option was union, fast and swift, (Alchemist + Tower), while the second option was status quo (Four of Swords + Three of Wands). For what he feels regarding those two options, for the first option, it was Ace of Swords, while the second option was Ten of Swords. What that’s telling me is that he feels that it will pain him more for us to be in continued separation.

Last, I asked what his plans were for me — and I loved the answer that came up, which included the King of Cups, Knight of Cups and Page of Cups, Eight of Pentacles and Two of Cups. My twin plans to love me. And I ended the reading on that happy note.

This morning, just as I was crossing the threshhold from sleep to wakefullness, I was given the message that physical union, sacred sex will be necessary to complete both our healing because each of us holds a key. I was given a vision of our kundalinis rising and spiraling upwards in various colors as they passed through our chakras and then bursting outwards to envelope the both of us and to resonate that kind of energy to the Universe. We are healing on our own now, but will need each other to complete that phase and start something new.

I got more enlightenment about what I’ve been going through as I fired up my computer. This one was from Naglaa Elshamy, who channels Spirit from twin flames and others. This was her message today:

Very grateful to have received that message which resonates strongly with me. Issues from long ago have been cropping up like a rerun of a tv show which I didn’t want to watch. I’ve been feeling like I’ve been retaking a test except that this time around, I know how to answer the questions already.

In another video I watched, it was explained that the twin needed this “time out” because there will be accelerated movement after that; that it will be slower if he doesn’t take this time out.

I just hope that this upgrade will get done soon. Take care, everyone.

I’m at a crossroads now regarding a career decision and although I keep asking for guidance, it seems like all my other-dimensional guides and the divine beings are just quiet. And I don’t feel as though I’m anchoring any energies anymore. It’s as if I’m a beacon that’s “under renovation”.

This happened to my clairaudient and psychic friend before when she had to choose whether or not she was going to stay with her abusive husband or not. When we met up for a tete-a-tete, to get caught up on things, she told me that for several months, she stopped receiving guidance. I was “connected” then, and I told her that it was because she was at a point in her life where free will kicked in. I told her not to worry because it would come back. And it did, eventually, once she got her annullment started and all that.

What I didn’t tell her then that I know now is that, spiritually, she was at the end of a cycle. She had successfully completed or mastered a stage where she was able to resolve her karma. And, because the end is assured, at least spiritually, whatever she chooses will just determine the setting of where her next lessons take place. It’s like she finally reached a platform where there are several connecting trains, and it’s up to her to choose which train to take, because that will only determine the view, the scenery she’s going to take in during the journey.

Anyway, so that answer is still applicable to my situation now. So it’s kind of useless asking for guidance (even if I’d still appreciate some just for peace of mind). I’m even sort of wishing that my TF would show up already so that I don’t have to make this choice, because, really, if they cared to ask me what I want, union in the physical world (3D) with my twin is what I’d really like for this incarnation.

So, right now, I feel the void. I am in the void. I’ve been listening to videos of other twin flames about their journey and I don’t know what to make of it. Some have had their TFs actually get in touch with them after a long period of separation and even propose marriage to them, and one even rejected it.

Others are saying that the union is merely spiritual and that after the merge and the activations, we’re supposed to go on about our TF mission, whatever that may be. They tout messages that we know that our twin is really always with us and that we’re never alone yadayadayada. They describe the — I don’t really have a word for it that would be precise, but if we’re going with the way I feel now it would be “insouciance” — about our twins and coming to the knowing that there is something higher than physical union, and being clearer and focusing on the Twin Flame mission that we signed up for.

If this is indeed my last incarnation and I’m supposed to be going through the rest of my life “alone but not alone” after going through all that purging and healing and searching for answers for about a decade now, I still want to scold whomever aspect of me signed up for that mission. Because now, it just feels like a Contract of Adhesion that my earthly self seems bound to, that I signed up for without truly knowing the terms.

Don’t get me wrong. Accessing 5D and being in a state of bliss from time to time is great, plus all the benefits of being connected to Spirit is awesome too, but it’s this 3D life that I am conscious of and that I have to navigate in by default. I can’t just sit under a tree and ruminate all day long, you know. So this calm, this balance, this state of surrender and acceptance when the choice you want still doesn’t present itself to you — well, what other choice have you got? Throw a tantrum? Lash out at the Universe? End Game?

Of course, they’re all still choices, but…. really now, when you’ve gotten to this stage in one’s spiritual journey and then so many messengers or channelers are in effect saying, “See? You’ve gotten this far without your twin. Who needs them in the physical anyway? Not you. So go ahead on your journey without them,” I can’t help feeling that I’ve been taken for a ride to some destination that I didn’t agree to. And wherever destination it takes me — other than the intended one I had in mind — whenever some messenger or channeler tries to justify the end by saying “See? It’s not half bad! Enjoy!”, it kind of makes me want to strangle them because I feel like a tourist with a bad tour guide. You know what I mean? Like you booked a trip to some exotic destination; you have limited time there; and you’ve made up your mind to go see this particular tourist destination. But your tour guide vetoes your choice and brings you someplace else that, although not half bad, isn’t what you wanted to see. And although that tour amused you somewhat, you can’t help feeling miffed and duped because that time spent in that alternate destination could have been spent seeing some other place that you wanted to see in the first place.

At the end of it all, you’re already there and it becomes a “might as well” proposition. I’m here in this place, might as well enjoy it.

That’s what I’m calling BS on. Was it not possible to get on this journey without all the manipulation? Was it not possible to just spell out what this was in the beginning instead of having had to nurture heartbreak and pain and, most frustrating of all — HOPE? Or would that have given away all the answers?

Before I post about my lion’s gate thoughts, I just have a quick follow up to my post, One, which I wrote a couple of days ago. Remember, I said that I dreamt about an old high school classmate who was dirtied and in uniform by the roadside? That afternoon, after I had journaled my dream as soon as I woke up in the morning, I went to the mall because I had an appointment with my Destiny Adviser and run some quick errands before my meeting.

I was on my way when guess who I bumped into? Yes, the girl that I had dreamt about. She was shopping with her mom and since I also knew her mom, we exchanged pleasantries and went our own ways. It was a brief moment, but for that moment, I sensed her energy signature. It was a very muted one, very sad, low and weak. But I was in a rush and so was she.

Anyway, I just found it strange that I dream about this girl and the next thing I know, she’s right there in front of me! And I have never bumped into this girl since high school. We meet during high school reunions, but that’s it. We’re not close. So I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that.

Here’s another instance in which I felt the Universe was supporting me. Around two weeks ago, an uncompleted Windows 10 update screwed up my computer. Initial check with the tech guys said that none of my files could be saved (tons of movies, pics, and my iTunes). But after much prayer, the tech guy did some techie thing and saved ALL MY DATA. Thing was, my HD was fried so I needed storage for my data, but I didn’t have extra funds to get a new one which would cost nearly $100. I would have extra cash had I not lent it to our helper who needed to go home to the province to tend to her sick child. She wasn’t my “charge” so to speak, since she provided services to my parents and brother, but I felt compassion for her situation and lent her.

Anyway, lots of expenses coming up and I just did what I could with what I had, transferring files to different computers just so that they would all fit. They barely did. This was important, but I figured, it could wait. Until last night, I see an ad for 1TB internal laptop HDDs for — get this — $30. They were pullouts from brand new laptops, replaced with SSDs. And I had external casing, so housing it wouldn’t be a problem. So, thanks to the powers of the Universe, I got 2TB for around $60. Yay!!!!! And I am currently transferring files onto them as I type.

Okay, onto Lion’s Gate. Last night, I did a reading specifically about energies surrounding me and my twin this Lion’s Gate. I had no idea what spread to use, but I asked Spirit to guide me, and I was guided to do this spread in the form of the Infinity Symbol. It was amazing too because when you read for the masculine, since we have merged in 5D, you could see his “story” flowing into the Divine Feminine, and vice-versa. The middle card that tied the two “loops” was the Six of Pentacles – generosity, sharing. And in my deck, it was pretty obvious that the Lion’s Gate energies would affect the masculine more, because the female in the card was already “illumined” by the light shining through the window. So my twin would be given more energy so that he could take things in the physical (as evidenced by the pentacles above him).

I asked for a message from my Ascended Masters deck to tie the reading up and guess what cards fell out when I was shuffling? Twin Flame and Trust. Beautiful! 🙂 And the card at the bottom of the deck was the Wheel of Fortune. Basically, the reading was explaining how the influx of energies was going to affect us. For my twin, it will help him get to a point of clarity and act faster to materialize our union. For me, I was again told to hold the energies and recognize my power as a creator of my reality.

Next, I did a Lion’s Gate Week Spread for the both of us. This time, I was guided to use a 9-card spread and I asked how this week would turn out for the both of us in 3D. The Lovers card was smack right in the center, and it was again a beautiful spread. The bottom of the deck card was the Ace of Swords, which meant that honesty and being true to our authentic selves is the underlying energy this week.

Manifesting this new beginning with my twin will call for an honest assessment of the situation. We’ve both been doing our healing under the radar, both guided by the Divine while at it, and relief and sanctuary are now forthcoming. There will be celebrations and union will be in the physical, as was the message of the Lovers Card in this particular deck, where the Divine is handing the fruit to the couple. The fruit is the same one that bloomed from the trees that grew off from the masculine and feminine, both a result from their own healing and growth, and now, they are being handed it.

Okay, I can’t remember the rest of the reading, but it was good. 🙂

That’s it for now. I think tomorrow — August 8th — I shall be visualizing and enriching the timeline where my twin and I are together, and grounding the new light codes and energies into Gaia.

Thank you for being here and receiving this message. We have specifically asked to get to communicate this with you today for a reason. There is much being stirred up and changing around you and inside of you in recent times and in the months to come.

It is important for us to give regular updates, as we wish to keep you informed and assure you that things are progressing in a steady and positive direction.