Leaving School, Thoughts, Feelings & If I Could Do It All Again

Today is the day I have waited years for, finally I'm leaving school. Free of the education system, its idiotic ways and useless curriculum. School has been one huge, great, long journey for me and not necessarily entirely good. I am so undecided about how I feel about it all, in one way I am not at all sad just want to get on with it and leave, the majority of my memories of school are not particularly ones which I want to cling onto and remember. However I do look back and there is a that part of me that liked it, and aspects of school I will miss.

Let's start from the very beginning, primary school were some of the happiest school memories I have. I had such an amazing time, and honestly loved school despite the small fall out with friends here and there it was pretty simple, stress free and I enjoyed it just like every small child should. Surrounded by lovely people, and inspiring teachers in a school environment like no other.

I then moved to a school for two years, to fill the gap between primary and secondary which is a time I feel slightly indifferent about, I didn't hate it but I don't have a bank of memories but what I did gain was a solid few friends, and the results to get me a place at my 'dream' school, or so I thought.

Onto Secondary school, now despite giving the impression I hate it and it was the worst thing ever, it wasn't just certainly wasn't the best. This is where my love of school ground to a halt. I really struggled, and anxiety began to become a huge part of my life. For a period of time I actively hated school, I was positive that after year 11 I was leaving and never coming back. School had well and truly screwed me over, and I was having none of it. I was even told that I wouldn't get back in, and the determined side of my decided to prove them all wrong. Year twelve, I did come back and I hated it, in the first week I cried to mum every day. Begging her to let me leave. I had come back way out of my depth, suddenly had no friends and it just reminded me of how unhappy I was before. I did carry on, evidently and it did get better and since then its been ups and downs. I feel like where I struggled with exams, and the school pressure and expectations I couldn't make up with in having a ton of friends, I have friends and I love them all dearly, however I have had a tough time with friends coming and going, and often felt quite alone despite being surrounded by masses of people. I'll never love it, but I do love my friends and the memories we have made. School just wasn't my thing, okay? Friends come and go, people change and this can be so hard, along with the fact exams aren't my strong point and I just don't fit the school mould, it was never going to be my strong suit.

I wouldn't ever do this all again, my life lessons are well and truly learnt and sometimes I feel like I really did learn some things to hard way. But if I did, I wouldn't let the result pressure get to me. I would spend more valuable times with the friends that I love, and make more effort to get to know more people. I would of started following my passion earlier and not of been ashamed to share it. I would of stuck up for what I believed rather than following the crowd. And lastly I would say F*** You to every single person who said I couldn't do it.

I don't look back at my last five years of education with the enthusiasm and happiness that I know many people will, but I don't hate it either. I've done my time, and taken from it what I can however now is my real time to shine. Free of the burden of school. School hasn't left me with nothing however, alongside some pretty awful exam results, I have gained some amazing friends and had some incredible experiences, and although not all that positive my school years are not something which I am not going to forget.

8 comments:

Hello Ottile, it was nice to read your school journey. I'm sorry high school wasn't your thing. I have also finished school this year (two days ago) and now I'll apply for college. School isn't for everyone and I also think that the education system doesn't adapt to everybody's needs/habilities/etc.

I can really relate to this post as the first half (ish) of my school life was pretty good. It wasn't great, but I had friends, life wasn't too stressful, I generally enjoyed myself. But the second half of school was awful. And I look back on it now realising I really hated it. Which is sad. But school isn't for everyone. It's just something you have to get through and get out. And you've done that! :) x www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x

Great post lovely! I didn't particularly love my school years and was bullied a fair bit. People make out that school will shape your life but I actually disagree, YOU can shape your life, if you follow your dreams you can make what you want of it. Wishing you the best of luck with everything! <3