ELOPING

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Junior Member

I would just like to raise a topic, Firstly I'm new to ChristianChat. I'm from South Africa.
The question that has been on my heart for a couple of weeks now is, as Christians, what does God and His word say about eloping ? Is it ok if you follow the right procedures, like pre-marital counselling, or is it completely defying the Church and His word ?

Senior Member

Eloping is simply getting married in secret without anyone knowing, so there is no issue or problem with it. WHy the need for pre-marital counselling? Some churches and denominations seem to attach too much baggage on getting married, if you love someone and want to spend rest of life with them, then thats good enough to get married.

Senior Member

Eloping is simply getting married in secret without anyone knowing, so there is no issue or problem with it. WHy the need for pre-marital counselling? Some churches and denominations seem to attach too much baggage on getting married, if you love someone and want to spend rest of life with them, then thats good enough to get married.

I dont know from reading the ladies forum and the family forum counseling before marriage is a really good idea. I think a lot of people might slow down and think about how serious marriage is if they took some counseling before hand.

Senior Member

I really wouldn't be worried about defying= That is not the same as defying God. If you know what you want then eloping would be a romantic option. Pre-marital counseling is a good idea. There is no standard option on the correct way to get married.

Senior Member

Tinuviel

Guest

I have heard before that since eloping has its origins in somewhat shady behavior (i.e. sex before marriage, rash and short-lived marriages, secret second marriages, marriages without parental advice). It should be avoided by Christians. While it may not be absolutely wrong, is it something a Christian should be evolved in? Just a thought

wwjd_kilden

Guest

Senior Member

I have no problem with it as long as it isn't being done to bypass concerns or disorder with the marriage.

I've heard of some families where the brides' parents will tell the couple to just elope and they'll give them the money that would be spent on a wedding to the couple to help them start their life together.

Senior Member

Senior Member

My youngest son eloped with his wife. He felt there would be too many clashes between us and her parents. Which was just an excuse, because we get along well with her parents, and neither of us wanted a big, expensive wedding.

The one consequence of eloping is not getting the gifts. So you have to be able to live with that.

I don't know which church demands pre-maritial counseling. It sounds like a good idea, in principle. My daughter and her husband went through it in their church and she said they got a lot out of it.

However, I don't see where pre-maritial counseling is mandated anywhere in the Bible. Society was quite different in those days, and probably family gave most of the counsel. So I don't think it is disobeying God, and at some point, you do have to make decisions that your parents may disagree with. A married couple is not obligated to obey their parents. Honouring your parents is not the same as obeying their commands!

K

Kaycie

Guest

Actually having a ceremony is optional. What is needed is a witness of your marriage commitment to each other, and for your marriage to be recognized by the laws of the land if possible. Also, you are not considered married until the husband enters his wife. I believe if two were stranded on an island and never seen other humans again, that they could marry as God is their witness. I believe Adam and Eve were married by God Himself.

But if it is possible to have your marriage recognized by the government of the land in which you live, yet choose not to do so, then you are refusing to do what is right in Gods eyes. Jesus said to the woman at the well that she had had five husbands, and that the one she is with now is not her husband. So shaking-up together, living in fornication, is not recognized as marriage by God.

W

wwjd_kilden

Guest

Actually having a ceremony is optional. What is needed is a witness of your marriage commitment to each other, and for your marriage to be recognized by the laws of the land if possible. Also, you are not considered married until the husband enters his wife. I believe if two were stranded on an island and never seen other humans again, that they could marry as God is their witness. I believe Adam and Eve were married by God Himself.

But if it is possible to have your marriage recognized by the government of the land in which you live, yet choose not to do so, then you are refusing to do what is right in Gods eyes. Jesus said to the woman at the well that she had had five husbands, and that the one she is with now is not her husband. So shaking-up together, living in fornication, is not recognized as marriage by God.

Senior Member

Regarding counseling:
My husband and I had pre-engagement counseling, not pre-marital counseling. Deciding to marry and then seeing if you should marry seems kind of backwards, yet that is the way it is often done. That said, I think in today's society, both religious and secular, we really can make too much of personality/compatibility profiles, making marriage more of a clinical undertaking, making social science a bigger deal than teaching young couples who really do love each other how to build each other up in that love. And for the Christian couple, giving them a solid foundation in who they are in Christ, so they are finding their significance in Him and not seeking their significance from each other.

Regarding elopement being a dishonoring to parents:
I also know parents who have offered a lump sum in lieu of paying for a wedding for their children who would be willing to elope, so for some families, it may actually be honoring to the parents to elope!

Some couples may have difficult parents, and just don't want to deal with the drama that a wedding would bring. Assuming they have chosen wisely their mate, I see no problem with it. There may be a price to pay relationally afterward, but there may have been a price to pay, because their parents are difficult, wedding or not. That's why they choose to elope!

That said, in some cultures, great offense is taken by families if they are not included in the marriage of their children, so young adults in these cultures need to consider what is the most loving thing to do for all involved in those situations, as well.

It all boils down to being led by the Spirit - and demonstrating enough maturity to consider all the ramifications of whatever choice they make.

Regarding elopement being 'shady':
I think we need to remember that couples have to be adults to get married without parental 'permission', and we, as parents, need to honor that. We pray that our children will choose wisely their mates, and maybe even seek our counsel/approval, but it's not Biblically mandated.

If a couple elopes to legitimize an illegitimate relationship . . . how is that a bad thing?

As for elopements being short-lived marriages? I know at least two couples who eloped and have been married for over 50 years =o).

_____________

We, as parents/family, of course want to be a part of the celebration of marriage with our children, but we need to remember that when it comes to marriage, we need to let our children be the adults WE raised them to be, and learn to respect them as such.

We can give them our input and counsel, but these things are ultimately their decisions as adults and they will bear the consequences of their decisions, good or bad. And whether they choose to have a wedding or elope, we CAN celebrate the marriages of our children! After all, it's not about US, it's about THEM.

Senior Member

marriage is a sacred thing and should be before the eyes of God. I have had this discussion with my children and grandchildren. Many of today's problems is that a couple spends more time on a wedding than they do on the marriage.
The vows that we take are vows for life and believe me when life starts happening those vows are tested. That's why we need the Lord in our marriage.
If the reason your eloping is because of family differences or approval they don't go away because you get married. They only add on to the stress. If it is because of financial means then you looked at marriage the wrong way. You can always have that reception party later.
God created marriage and it's his blessings and approval you should seek first, and in his house.

The Thingy Member

Just as an aside. I always use to say if I ever got married I
would elope to Gretna green in Scotland.

In the middle of the 18 century I believe it was, English law said you
could not get wed until 21 and it had to be approved by the parents.

But Scottish law only required you to be 16 and have two witnesses, so
Gretna Green which was just over the border became the place to elope to.

Somehow the idea of eloping still appeals, hate big fancy wedding
arrangements and you have no chance of getting me in a meringue style dress!
Plus at my age I'm a bit old to seek parent approval, don't have any anyway.

Jeans, t-shirt and a Big Mac and fries at the reception would do fine for me.
As long is God is at the centre that would suit me fine.

As for the original poster it depends on your motives, I think it has been said,
that if the issue is family problems, marriage won't solve the problems.
Prayer for a resolution.