Arrr! See CONTENTS for links to the 125 chapters of The Monstaville Memoirs plus introductions, conclusions, postscripts and appendices. This treasure trove also includes a collection of articles offering further insights into the themes explored in the trilogy. Namely, managing suffering and conflict (dealing with hostile people if you are nervous, sensitive or shy) and learning not to react

The
neighbours are mirroring the violence that I direct towards myself. They are
merely an outer reflection of the way in which I torment myself (and judge and
criticise, put myself down, perhaps too I expect). Basically, it is these types
of people who bring out the buried, violent part of my nature. They are
self-righteous. They believe their cultural group is superior. Their fascistic
attitude makes them unified in that they have one identity (and potentially
recognise a common enemy). They express themselves with limited awareness which
also helps to keep them on a similar (dense) vibration so they can relate to
each other easily but not on a very different, more individual and unique
vibration. They therefore express themselves without caring about others and
they are proud, stubborn and prepared to fight if necessary rather than examine
their own beliefs and attitudes. They defend the group loyally as though it is
benevolent purely because they belong to it. They defend each other even if
their behaviour is destructive and unjust. They believe they are enlightened
and in the right; to them there can be no question of it. They simply refuse to
see things any other way, perhaps because the survival of their collective
identity depends on it. It’s just a programme.

It kind of
feels like Fabala was planted here as a sleeping cell to actively disturb me
after one year and increase the disturbance once I got round to mentioning it
(that is, demonstrating that I was affected by the noise and also engaging with
her so that anything I said could be taken as a form of provocation! In our
country, not all Muslims would like to seize control (of course), but some
certainly would, and install a fascist regime in which they control society
selfishly and oppressively. They feel insecure because they refuse to change or
adapt. They are not comfortable living in a secular society. They reject the
principle of free will but have yet to restore themselves to the Divine Will.
They would much prefer it if everyone were to conform to their archaic ways.
It’s like an egg that has yet to break under the heat of revolutionary desire
for something better. The world is in for a surprise however since I know that
there are many highly evolved souls incarnating in the Middle East, for
instance, with the aim and intention of raising consciousness. The whole world
is changing now.

I guess it
had to be this way then, if the tiger needed to be brought to the surface in
order to be released because it sounds as though I buried it several lifetimes
ago and swore to keep it locked away. For El Phaba, I guess dropping stuff and
stamping her shoes on the floor as well as everything she says or does these
days is an outlet for her anger. That is why certain people join the army, of
course, to channel their aggression. Some enjoy violence too while others are
evidently more responsible and purposeful. The father next door and the woman
upstairs both feel sure that I feel humiliated by their deliberate and
malicious laughter (actually, though, Ha Chu laughs in order to show that he
has succeeded in getting my back up whilst at the same time attempting to send
a clear message he’s not on the back foot as a result of my counter-offensive! HoHoCha
ChuCha Chu!). Yet, why
would I be affected in that way particularly by people who could not earn my
respect even if they worked hard at it? It’s like people shouting or poking fun
at you through open windows from the passenger seats of a passing car. It’s
low-risk hate entertainment. They don’t have anything better to do. As a poll
on www.nfh.org.uk asks: “Are you dreading the Summer
because of Neighbours from Hell?” (482 out of 524 answered ‘yes’).

"Every
Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle. Every Warrior of the
Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone. Every Warrior of
the Light has trodden a path that was not his. Every Warrior of the Light has
suffered for the most trivial of reasons. Every Warrior of the Light has, at
least once, believed he was not a Warrior of the Light. Every Warrior of the
Light has failed in his spiritual duties. Every Warrior of the Light has said
'yes' when he wanted to say 'no.' Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone
he loved. That is why he is a Warrior of the Light, because he has been through
all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is." - Paulo
Coelho (Warrior of the Light: A Manual,
1997).

Don’t take
everything so seriously. Give yourself a break and then you’ll be more relaxed
and see others’ jibes, selfishness, pestilential behaviour and threats as a bit
harmless of fun whilst feeling only love because you have released all negative
emotions from within yourself and you are free of buttons that people can push.
Pour love into yourself and your life. Overflow with its high vibration so
nothing can affect you. So I should feel grateful that I can see and feel and
release these energies.

“You've got
to get up every morning with a smile on your face, and show the world all the love
in your heart, then people gonna treat you better. You're gonna find, yes, you
will, that you're beautiful as you feel.” - Carole King.

People like
my neighbours do not appear to be very spatially aware. They do not share my
passion for individual truth and expression. It is not important to them to
consider others' private space. I believe this is a
cultural difference and racial tension that is causing considerable stress in
Britain today. Of course the corporate (and public) media isn't interested in the ugly truth. The
priority of a kleptocracy is bums on seats: as many human beings plugged into
Matrix pods as possible so they can be exploited. By the way, I am not say that
there is a clash of civilisations between all Westerners and Asian Muslims or
even, specifically, people from Pakistan. I'm sure I have made this point before
but it's
worth mentioning it again for emphasis in the politically-correct climate of
modern society. Some cultural groups just are conditioned or
genetically-programmed to judge fearfully. In Britain, this might feasibly be
traced to the vulnerability of our shores and the number of times this island
has been invaded as well as the way in which the Normans enslaved and
controlled the population so completely and efficiently. Other cultural groups
may have similar reasons for being so proud and obstinate, for having a
superiority rather than inferiority complex. Cultural arrogance may harken back
to times of imperial invincibility. Similarly, those peoples whose lands have known
much, much conflict and bloodshed over the past few millennia at least are
likely to have the reptilian part of the their brains (at the back of the head)
highly active. This instinctive for fighting, this fight or flight instinct, is
active in all human beings. Now that we are developing crystalline bodies and
moving into an era of peace in which we will express more Light, more love and
creative intelligence as multidimensional beings, this part of the brain
probably needs to be deactivated, its dense energies released, because it is no
longer needed and only holds us back.

My
next-door neighbours never relent or want to achieve lasting peace. They always
start the harassment again no matter what I do, no matter how tolerant or
humble I am, or how much love and Light I send to them. In addition to being my
gentle, wise and loving self, I always cede that the only thing that has any
effect is to go on the offensive and use force, to apply my own war strategy
and harassment campaign and put them on the back foot. For me, however, this is
always a temporary measure. As I have mentioned previously, I am unable to
continue like this indefinitely. It is designed to be a short-term measure with
sufficient shock value to last. Unfortunately, the more times one does this,
the more the enemy acclimatises to it and eventually ignores it, I expect. It
certainly looks that way in my situation. But, then, perhaps one just has to
accept that the period of peace might grow shorter and shorter so one just has
to practice such a method with increased regularity to get one's tormentors off one's back, at least to have a breathing
space. It's
funny though: whenever I do something unreasonable instead of just
trying to warn them defensively, they go nuts (I can hear them discussing it!).

A friend
told me that during his holiday in Croatia he noticed that he could be on a
crowded beach and it was totally quiet. People in the U.K. used to be like
that, he observed: civilised! Over there, he went on, parents are in control, not
their kids. Mothers tell their children to be quiet if they start making a
noise. He said there's a little noise here and there from
groups of teenagers but that's it. We have children running our
society - who are now adults and have their own kids, the next generation of
people doing whatever they want at others' expense. The sparks of
individualism have not ignited into flames of individuality because we have
lost any sense of spiritual dimension. We have been deliberately manipulated to
walk down this path away from the sunshine, away from the flower beds of inner
truth and beauty. Our externally-driven society is driven to distraction
through overstimulation. Shallow, aggressive people are empowered and their low
vibration has a domino effect on souls with more sensitive and refined
dispositions.

According
to my friend, France is the worst place in this regard. Large groups of French
adults pollute the surrounding space with loud noise, showing no respect for
others. They treat the whole world like their living room, he adds.

1950s France

“There’s
much more in any given moment than we usually perceive, and that we ourselves
are much more than we usually perceive. When you know that, part of you can
stand outside the drama of your life.” - Ram Dass.

I do
believe that the more individual and eccentric one becomes the more it seems to
confirm their suspicions that I'm a weirdo freak! (I wish I was! As
far as I'm
concerned I'm
way too straitlaced). This is a very plebeian place to live. When Asians meet
me they often expect me to be some kind of middle class bourgeoisie they
perhaps aspire to be themselves (usually Indian rather than Pakistani or
Bengali though). They are disappointed when they start realising that nothing
could be further than the truth. Consequently, they cannot relate to me since
that is the common ground to which they are open. As an artist, I am at the
very heart of British culture, self-inspired and adding to it, helping to
create it. Culture is fluid. It is always evolving even if it appears to have
dried up over the past couple of decades (since the Elite turned up the heat).

Someone
suggested to me that the neighbour upstairs (being a woman...lol) could be
niggled about something, even something so undetectably off the map of reason
and realism as to make a grown man cry! It's a possibility but whether or not
this is the case, it is obvious that El Phaba disapproves of my lifestyle,
spending so much time in isolation, writing, studying and working (without
pay...shock, horror!) instead of going out and making money and 'having fun.' In fact, she more or less told me
this directly on one occasion which is why I mention it. It could just be that
getting to know me threatened to burst her belief bubble. She questioned why I
would write books, adding that she just wants to have fun (in true, shallow
style), not that she does though generally. But, I guess she may have been
talking from the vantage point of someone she aspires to be (or how she
imagines middle class white English people to be). She also sent our derisive
signals in a subtly piss-taking manner concerning my fondness for cooking
outside in the summer. As though this is only 'normal' if you're inviting people round for a
barbeque. Well, I did invite her and she turned me down with a disbelieving
smile as though, well, as though she was approaching the point of no return at
which she might wish to turn round and say, 'No thanks. I've seen just about all I want to of
your private freak show.' Or my dead existence.

Oh yeah, of
course I also wash my clothes in the bath nowadays (it's been a few years now) which can
only serve to doubly confirm my hopelessly heathen nature and remind El Phaba
of the primitive conditions she desperately wishes to avoid. A Spanish woman I
chatted to at a party informed me that the washing machine was voted the most
useful invention of modern technology. Alas, although it probably costs about
the same to wash clothes the hard way – by hand – I can’t find the money even
for a second-hand one. I had the money at some point but it went on a new
laptop because my old one died. Plus, I wasted money trying to get it fixed.
And now, if I get any cash, it goes towards my current bills as well as unpaid
bills from last year! Britain is an expensive place to live in and, generally
speaking, one experiences a higher quality of life living in a comparatively
poor but warm country. In other words, owing to materialistic oppression,
quality of life is expensive here.

Not long
after she moved in, El Phaba also asked doubtfully if I watch East Enders and I
practically protested the very possibility which did nothing for my cultural or
social worth in her eyes. No doubt the programme helps her to feel a sense of
belonging, culturally, and perhaps likes to feel that she knows English people
and that there are few unknown factors that she has no reference points with
which to comprehend. As with many people, including my other neighbours, my
lifestyle does not fit into the set of aspirations that she has been spoonfed I
expect - her carbon copy of classical capitalism in (post-Thatcher) Britain. Or,
she may have wanted to

Zombies can
cope only with shallow culture: a shallow grave for dense vibrations. They fear
the unknown and have taken a freeze-frame shot of the moving picture on the
silver screen of suburbia which functions to provide a sense of security. 'We can survive, do our thing, get
on, preserve our traditions and take pride in our roots, no problem.' In other words, it is a survival
mechanism designed to inspire hope, positive energy, determination to succeed
against the odds and in defiance of reality or probability, change or unrest.
That freeze frame is the tip of the iceberg and it is there that they have
camped out in their pyjamas. They daren't look down or venture further into
their environment. A chill would run up their spines with startling speed and
they would feel paralysed. As it happens, most people, including English
people, in these parts only see slightly beyond their noses as well so
everything seems safe. They feel sufficiently in control of their lives.
Indeed, they feel superior full stop. Unfortunately, nothing is so ugly to me
as blind conformity, as being totally square. Perhaps this overdose, this
source of oppression from uber conformity, from Borg-ish fascism, exists to
give me a push to slay the conformist (and perhaps deeply buried fascist) in
myself once and for all! Then there will be nothing to rebel against. And no
one to judge. I will just dust myself off and smile at all the dullness of the
world knowing that I have become a Jedi whose light sabre slays all dependence
on the unconscious, all resulting dreariness, a butterfly with a laser gun, not
for killing caterpillars but helping to inspire and guide them on the path of
transformation; that is, using the magic of the will wisely. A Light in the
darkness. No longer just the flickering flame on a candle but the steady torch
of a successful alchemist.

Incidentally,
I lived in a vegan houseshare several years ago with two other philosophical Sagittarians
who also happened to take LSD regularly. Indeed, they could be considered
enlightened in their meaningful exploration and studious use of the drug. They
once told me that I was the only person they knew who did not change (or appear
different) when they were on acid. One told me that someone like me is ‘an
angel in apprehension,’ a phrase transplant using words from Hamlet (Act 2, scene 3) although,
apparently, some scholars have argued that this is the correct phrase in
Shakespeare’s play. Hamlet is not impressed with man and describes ‘man’ as
noble in reason, infinite in faculties, expressive and admirable in form and
moving, like an angel in action and like a god in apprehension, that is, in his
ability to understand. Anyway, I wrote it down in my personal astrology file at
some point and beneath it I have written another phrase to describe myself: ‘an
artist in catharsis’!

“People
whose souls have no acquaintance with melancholy are those whose souls have no
presentiment of metamorphosis.” - Soren Kierkegaard.

Ultimately,
I am stuck here owing to a lack of funds for my life, for my projects and for
my dreams (although possibly I have been subject to karmic contracts or
experiences that have been necessary for my growth). I’m here because I am a
poor artist struggling to survive in this society. So these books speak volumes
about the nature of our society. There is zero support for someone like me who
works all hours of the day to express my creative potential. The powers that be
have set everything up to favour both dependent and competitive people.
Duality! Imagine if we were all free to explore our full potential. We would
all be expressing the One, the Source, each in our own unique way, like so many
rays of the Sun. We would share Heaven on Earth. Cities have to die. We only
have cities because they are concentrations of workforce for centralised
economic powers. No one can afford to sacrifice quality of life to the degree
that most city-dwellers do.

“If
only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name
in a Swiss bank.” - Woody Allen.

As it
happens, I told someone today that if I get any money I won’t even come back to
London to visit! Basically, these ‘memoirs’ are just one example of where
someone can end up living and an example of what kind of experiences one might
have after moving to the big smoke (or toilet), where the air is unclean and
the vibrations low, where the space is sparce if you ain’t got no dough. This
is a dose of reality in a fractured modern society, not a tourist brochure or
our corporate-owned Government inviting yet more people to emigrate to these
narrow shores to gluttonous applause. Healing begins with understanding and
understanding begins with acknowledgement. It is time to love the truth. No
more sweeping such issues under the proverbial rug. We need to replace denial
with responsibility and consider and discuss these issues maturely. Through
true awareness and intelligence the conclusion we arrive at is the truth of
love.

The truth
of the matter is that there are still a few of us eccentrics left in Britain
even after Thatcher' devotees successfully mirrored the
Romans'
obliteration of Druid groves way back when. People like my neighbours don't want to know about our oddball
ways. They want to fit in superficially. They don't want to know that there is any
depth here, depth that they are not able or willing to comprehend and which
could challenge their beliefs. They are on their way into town so-to-speak
(English culture) and I'm on the way out. Often, it feels
like some people are trying desperately to break into the System and mainstream
society, to be part of it for the sake of their own need for security while I
am trying both to reform and escape from it (I'm in two minds!). Where some see
wallpaper, others see worlds (wtf...lol?).

Another
observation I have made is that these kinds of people aspire to have money and
somehow still believe in the hype of the Thatcher's imported version of the American
Dream when the truth is that, as far as the kleptocrats and their pet
politicians are concerned, they are here to be exploited, not to exploit the
System. It's
a tough dog-eat-dog world unless you really are a mirror image of what our
shallow democracy wishes to see in its minions and you're happy to sell your soul and be
conditioned as the next generation of androids. They somehow expect the more
intelligent and civilised breed of white English people they meet will open
doors for them whether in the form of material application ('handy tips') or mentally in the form of helpful
insights through their familiarity with the inner workings of the Machine, with
the terrain of the belly of the Beast. They want to know as much as possible
about the System so they can use it to their own advantage. It's a 'free country.' At the very least, they anticipate
that individuals such as myself will reflect their own materialistic ambitions.
The irony is that I have probably landed here as a result of being an outcast
(who has yet to reach Sherwood Forest or the water margins of Liang Shan Po,
far to the south of the capital city, where the union of the rebel knights has
begun).

“I don’t
think, at this point in our history, we should be focusing on our differences,
but on our similarities. And I think that the way tat we’re distracted from our
common unity by ‘Oh immigrants’ or matters of a sexual nature is very divisive
and it’s unnecessary. I was talking to a can driver yesterday – that’s the sort
of thing politicians say, isn’t it? ‘I was talking to a plumber yesterday
because I’m a normal man with normal things and doing normal stuff with my
normal wife.’ And he goes to me, this cab driver, he goes, he said, ‘It’s not
like I dislike all immigrants. It’s just the ones who come over here, use our
resources and don’t give nothing back to our country.’ I goes, ‘What you’re
describing there mate is how every corporation in the world behaves. They come
over here to our country, they use our resources, our systems that we have
built through our common work, then they don’t pay no tax or give nothing back.
They use the education of our people. They use our roads. So, I say, if for a
while, if for a few years, if we focus our energy on some relevant opponents,
opponents near the top of the pyramid. And, like, those of us at the bottom,
let’s all stay together. People will now go, ‘But you’re part of the 1%
Russell.’ Only because I managed to get some money tricking. You know, I don’t
need it forever.” – Russell Brand (Keiser
Report, 28 June 2014, RT).

Carol Connelly (Helen Hunt): OK, we all have these
terrible stories to get over, and you...

Melvin
Uddal (Jack Nicholson): Some of us have
great stories. Pretty stories, that take place at lakes, with boats and
friends, and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But a lot of
people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it
so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many
others had it good.

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Did you know that this is the 12th and lowest universe in our multiverse and that it is founded on the energies of fear and suffering which were not resolved in the 11th?

Karma & Emotions

This e-book explores the opportunity for releasing deep emotional blockages from the past that crisis presents and the notion that this process of self-healing is an essential aspect of spiritual ascension (click the picture for more info & free pdf download)

What is, is; how we react is up to us!

"Life is 10 percent of what you make it and 90 percent of how you take it." - Irving Berlin.

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About Me

Born on 25 November 1965 and currently living in Yorkshire, England. I write songs and books and have a website that serves as a platform for my work as well as being an Ascension resource. The Treasure Chest displays all chapters of The Monstaville Memoirs trilogy as well as further insights from various sources relating to the themes of these books. The Powerlessness of Now reveals the many ways in which we have given our power away to the Establishment through its web of control.

“Someone asked, ‘Why is there suffering?’ [Meher] Baba gave this succinct reply: ‘Suffering is essential for the elimination of the ego, just as it was necessary for you to scrub and scrub in order to wash the stain from my coat.’" - Unkown.

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“Strong souls aren't just born. They are built by forging through the most challenging perils in life and still having the ability to shine.“ – Anon.

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“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”- Joseph Campbell.