So I’ve been toying with the idea of selling my wedding gown for the past several years (if you don’t know the back story here, call me sometime and we’ll chat). It’s been an emotional struggle for me, letting that go, because I’ve attached a lot of doubt to it, and a lot of guilt – “What if I never have another wedding dress?” etc. I thought about donating it, but I wanted to be able to give my parents some of their money back… so finally, with the move and the physical and emotional “stuff” purging that came along with it, I mustered the guts to post an ad on Craigslist and let it go.

This is the email I received tonight:

“Hi,

This is the dress of my dreams…..I saw this dress two years ago and I have done everything to get my hands on it. The wedding store in Portland that carried this dress actually closed the weekend before my appointment to go try it on. I was devastated…..once I saw this dress, I have never looked at another dress…..I want this dress!

I am fine with the price although I do not need the veil. I do not have all the money but was interested in possibly making payments. I will do whatever it takes to get this dress…..this will make my wedding dream come true.

I look forward to your response,

Jessica”

(tear) I replied to her email and told her of course we’d make it work and the sweetheart called me back in about three minutes… she’d been waiting at the computer because she wanted it so badly. She’s coming tomorrow to try it on and (I’m quite sure) take it home. I’m trying to talk myself out of just giving it to her for Christmas. 🙂

I am just so floored by things like that. It isn’t so much the miracle of the two of us finding each other, or the emotion that surrounds wedding gowns, or the joy of being able to solve someone’s problem… it’s the details, the tiny, intricate patterns that had to be crafted in order for it all to line up. I could have sold that dress in San Jose anytime, before it was practically discontinued… but I hauled it all the way here before I was ready to let go, so some girl I’ve never met in Eugene who has looked for it for almost as long as I’ve had it could find me on Craigslist and be able to afford her dream dress. Do you get it? What are the odds of that? It’s a white and red dress, for crying out loud!

It’s such a small series of tiny happenings, but those patterns are everything to me. It’s the genesis of beauty out of pain… the end becoming the beginning. It’s a story that might not mean anything to anyone else, but is such an affirmation in my mind. Who am I that I’ve been given such extraordinary grace, to have been offered joy where I had been clinging to regret and shame.

It’s just that I’ve been stuck on this one silly choice for so long – to sell or not to sell – and I chose and was so rewarded. I don’t really know how to explain how grateful I am…

It just… hope. It’s so crazy beautiful, and always so much more than I could imagine or deserve. No matter how stubbornly I forget it, He reminds me that I’m forgiven again and again, often through many of you, sometimes through strangers and even through silly old dresses.