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Come try the amazing new dishes to be prepared at the charity event, “Cook
for the Crude!” The benefit is being held in Venice, Louisiana on
August 28th, Special guests that have been invited to attend the Vice president
of BP, President and First lady Obama, the head of the EPA, and several
members of the oligarchy that is PETA. Celebrity chef’s from every
cooking show in America are planning to create several multi-course meals
for the guests, using the local flora and fauna that have been affected
by the oil geyser spilling into the Gulf of Mexico.

Several species of wild shellfish are going to be the stars in dishes designed
to highlight the environmental impact of the Earth’s natural resources
inhabiting their ecosystem. A complete menu can be found on the event’s
website: cookingforthecrude.com. The will also be an open bar featuring
drinks with au natural theme to them. On the entertainment front, several
famous bands have been invited to play at the benefit concert; however,
no disclosure of who will actually be attending has been made.

Our sources have disclosed that the ticket price for this gala event begins
around the thousand-dollar mark, though an exact amount has not been stated.
In one interview, I was able to get one person to admit that they would
have paid much more than the thousand-dollar price on the condition that
Martha Stewart was not allowed to host. To the great relief of many, the
host has turned out to be Rachel Ray. Though it was apparently a very close
shave between her and Mike Tyson.

Many people have insinuated that this gala may be in poor taste, which
seems somewhat ridiculous to this reporter. The event is designed to raise
money and awareness about the ginormous disaster in the Gulf. All of the
dishes and decorations will be made recyclable materials and hand thrown
crude oil based jars. Due to the attendees’ convictions all proceedings
will be geared towards the fuzzy tree hugging bunny lovers, so as to not
offend anyone.

The gala is currently planned to take place over the course of the entire
weekend. Original ideas were bandied about of having the event during the
Labor Day weekend, but the many celebrations already planned for that weekend
made it too difficult to be practical. Media coverage of the weekend long
event promises to be nationally broadcast, and may even make it overseas.
Special consideration is going to be given to the Islamic terrorists in
the Middle East, followed closely by the illegal insurgents into the US
from Mexico.