Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Conton

I have no idea what to expect going in from this never
released beyond a cruddy looking 8TH generation VHS tape dupe. It's been on my
radar for at least a few years and I know I've stated this before, but we
seriously are scraping the resin off the bottom of the barrel that is the VHS
bootleg catalog. I'm currently working on publishing this shit so it can be away from the massive internet blackout that's probably coming soon (let's hope not)!

That crazy assed Skunkape procured this depraved film from the
lower depths of the underground Tokyo trading circuit with blood and toil. This
time even I tagged along and got in too deep, slicing off my pinky as a sign of
honor just like Robert Mitchum did in THE YAKUZA to get a copy of this precious
video, was it all worth it? Of course! So you’ll excuse the typos this time I
hope, I mean it’s still seeping out pus and bloody mucus. I got my paw all
bandaged up like DARKMAN clacking away at the science computer. Chas called this flick hallucinogenic, it came without subs and the tape even included something from the famed Deep Red Archives, man I wish I knew what that could've been. When I received my copy of LAST HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET. from him, it came with stills from GATES OF HELL and stuff only Giannetto De Rossi had at the time (shit that's not even on the Blue Underground restored DVD).

So on with the review! If the opening 2 minutes and the grisly box
cover are any indication, this is gonna be one mindfuck of a visual onslaught.
Some dude named Goh (Tasashi Kato) is surrounded by cute babes eating ice cream but he's not
very chipper, mainly because he's plagued by super vivid nightmares. I should
mention how the title sequence directly steals from John Carpenter’s THE THING.
The bad dreams show a hideous face with teeth like the Beezle-Tuna from DEVIL
FISH or the poster from PARASITE with Demi Moore and a hulking mass of spikes
eclipsed by blueish tones that in the beginning resemble the Slayers from
KRULL.

I'M THE BABY GOTTA LOVE ME!

The prologue starts off by mentioning Zhuangzi and then one
of the characters slips it into casual conversation. Hmm.. let me get over to the wiki
to see if it’ll help me solve this riddle. Well actually there's a Chinese folk
creature called a Hundun that's apparently the source of all chaos in their
mythology.

SHIT, I STEPPED ON A RUSTY NAIL AND GOT ROCK JAW!

The only critic online who seems aware of this movie is
Jayson Kennedy of Ghoulbasement.com. Besides that review and the Deep Red
catalog there’s practically zero info on this short film. Some loan shark punks
try to extort the main protagonist and worse yet, he’s buried by student loans!

They play Claudio Simonetti rip off music and things get
really nasty as Goh barfs up a human face that erupts yet another mouth, man
M.C. Escher called he wants his masturbatory fever dream back!

Pink Floyd's popular album rendered in Nickolodeon slime

This nerd keeps getting prank called by loan sharks who want
to kill him, how can he possibly escape this mess? He’s caught in a shit
sandwich between punks who want to waste Goh and the subconscious nightmarish
figure that's stalking him, talk about a rotten day!

His room is pretty sweet, there’s all kinds of monster toys
and a reversed GHOSTBUSTERS poster without a logo (maybe to prevent Ivan
Reitman from suing or Paul Feig from raping the franchise).

Are you sure you don't want to call in the Tokyo Buns Busters in for backup?

Next we’re thrown face first into a totally 80’s aerobic
montage. OK movie slow down, we haven’t established enough momentum for our main
character to collect himself with a fleeting moment of introspection. So much
happens in the 40 minute running time that other film makers could learn a thing or
two from Takuro.

I’m starting to think Goh is the Steve Carell 40 YEAR OLD
VIRGIN character because he’s surrounded by toys, model kits and when a
searingly hot girl is in his room, he ignores her and concentrates on his toys.
There’s a cool Ultra-Q Garamon model next to an E.T. one, this dude's got some cool
ass shit! He drifts off into one of the coolest nightmare sequences, a
witchy severed head’s own face peels off and her giant eyeballs plop out of her
skull and rolls around in a juicy pile of pork drippins and offal. Getting
hungry?

fuck that Speak & Spell bullshit E.T., pick up the phone!

They seriously pack in a lot of action and gore into this 40
min short, the last film this length that impressed me was DRUMSTRUCK
(https://vimeo.com/7754939), the one stuck on the end of TETSUO: THE IRONMAN. I
mean I would literally rent that videotape just so I could see that film, which
got me further into surf music.

SURF'S UP!

The last 6 minutes bust out all the gore and ape (pun intended) the Rick
Baker AMERICAN WEREWOLF transformation scene. Instead of the lycanthrope form,
he evolves into a Rawhead Rex/ porcupine menace and thrashes the shit outta
anyone in sight, leaving no witnesses.

Then again who would believe it? The info on this movie is
spotty or non existent, I guess I should hit Japan Wiki for more research.
All you need to know is that it was totally rad and worth the wait!