Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2006 07:32:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: Lusty
Subject: The Science of Us-Part14. How About the Truth? (Kyle)
Pat sat down next to me. "So I guess we need to talk."
"Guess so." I didn't know what to say to him. I felt like
crying, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. I know we
didn't make a commitment or anything, but I thought we were
on the same page. John spent the whole night telling me I
should blame Drew, but Drew wasn't the only person I saw in
that bed. Pat was just as guilty.
"I want to tell you what happened."
"Okay."
"We came back last night and we had some drinks. I was
wondering where you were and Drew kept making jokes about
you sleeping with John to make him feel better. I kept
calling you and Drew kept calling John, but neither of you
answered the phones. I was getting drunk and sad and bitter.
I started thinking Drew might be on to something. I tried to
drown my thoughts with alcohol, but my head was flooded with
images of you and John together. I couldn't deal with it. I
went to my room to have some privacy and Drew came to make
sure I was okay. I called you again but you still didn't
answer. I can't remember if I left a message or not. Drew
and I were on my bed staring at the ceiling when Drew
grabbed my hand. We held hands for a few minutes and then we
turned to look at each other. I don't know what he saw, but
I saw you when I looked at him. We started kissing and then"
"That's enough. I don't need to hear the rest."
"I want you to know everything."
"I don't want to hear it! Just shut up!" I tried to
blink away the water in my eyes and hold the tears in, but
one escaped.
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry is just a five letter word." I heard him sobbing
next to me, but I refused to look at him.
"I, I, I." He went silent.
I stared at the ground in front of us and followed the
path of an ant carrying a crumb of something. The ant was so
small and so strong and focused. I watched the ant walk
towards a crack in the pavement and I wondered if that was
its home. The ant went down the crack and disappeared, but I
was still thinking about it as I heard a loud crash from
inside the house. Pat and I both jumped up and ran in the
house to see what was wrong.
The shouting slapped us in the face as soon as we
opened the door. I knew it must have been going on for a few
minutes, but Pat and I were both too wrapped up in our own
thoughts to notice.
"You're an asshole Drew! You're a fucking asshole!"
John's voice yelled.
"Do it then! Hit me with it!"
Pat and I ran upstairs to his bedroom. We ran in his room
and found Drew on the ground covered in blood and John
standing over him with a chair. John was about to swing the
chair and hit Drew, but I ran and grabbed the chair from
him. I sat the chair down and took a few seconds to properly
access the room. The room was a mess, it looked like a
tornado had blown through and an
earthquake had followed. John looked awful too. His lips
were bloody and there was blood dripping down his chin. One
of his eyes was swollen. It looked like the two of them had
really gone after each other. I brought my attention back to
the situation. "What the hell is going on in here? You two
are supposed to be best friends?"
"He started it!" shouted Drew. "He came in here talking
shit so I let him have it!"
"Who's on the ground, Bitch?" John asked.
"It would be you if you hadn't hit me with that damn
light!" Drew told him.
John kicked him in his stomach and I had to shove John
away. "Sit down!" I told him. He sat on the bed and I turned
and helped Drew stand up. I felt a sick feeling in my
stomach as my hand made contact with his. I had a flash of
that hand touching Pat and I almost let go and let him fall
back on the ground, but I couldn't do it. I helped him up
and put him in the chair that almost hit him. "Now, let's
take a few minutes and relax before anyone says anything."
I glanced at Pat and noticed the look of shock in his
face. He backed up to the wall and slid down to the floor. I
knew we all needed some time to calm down so I walked over
to his computer desk and leaned against it.
"I knew he would do this," said John. We all looked at
him. He sounded surprisingly calm compared to the rage we
had seen a few minutes ago.
"Shut up, John!" Drew barked at him.
"No, the damage is already done. They might as well
know the truth."
Drew jumped up and walked over to John. "Don't do
this!" he almost sounded like he was begging him. I stood up
and walked between them. I saw the tears trying to hide in
Drew's eyes, but I knew they were seconds away from being
exposed.
"I want to hear what he has to say."
Drew stepped back and looked around me so he could make
eye contact with John. "Please don't do this."
"You already did it." John told him.
I knew Drew could probably take me, but he knew he was
defeated already. I watched the tears fall from his eyes as
he walked backward to the chair and sat down. "You were
supposed to be my best friend," he said.
"Yeah, well you were supposed to let him go and then you
pull some mess like this."
"Just tell us what's going on, John. I don't have the
patience for the two of you to go back and forth with this
bullshit." We looked at Pat and he was sitting there staring
back at us as if he hadn't just said something.
I went back to my position against the desk so I could
look at John. John stared at Pat for a few seconds before he
opened his mouth. "Drew is in love with you. He's been in
love with you
since you kissed him, but he's too scared and too confused
to admit it. Why do you think he's constantly touching you?"
Pat looked at the floor. "I won't say he planned last night,
but I will say that I'm not surprised. He's been trying to
get you drunk for a while now so he could get you in bed.
The funny part is that I thought you wouldn't do anything
because you liked Kyle, but I guess I was wrong. Kyle is a
great guy and then you do this shit to him." John looked at
Drew. "The two of you should be ashamed of yourselves."
Apparently Pat didn't pay attention to the end of the
speech because he turned to Drew and said, "So you are gay?"
"No, yes, I don't know. I like girls. I have a
girlfriend. You just make me curious, that's all."
"Stop lying Drew!" John looked back at Pat. "He's
obsessed with you. You're all I hear about when we're alone.
He used to bitch me out if I touched you because he thought
I was hitting on you, but most of the time I just touched
you to mess with his head. He's got it bad for you, and
that's the truth. I don't know if that makes him gay or bi
sexual or what, but he is definitely not straight." He
looked at Drew when he said the last line.
"Fuck you!" Drew told him. "I'm not gay!" He looked at
me. He wasn't crying anymore. He looked angry. "Give me my
keys!" I didn't even have time to think. I reached in my
pocket to take out the keys and then I threw them at him. He
caught them and turned to walk out the room. Pat jumped up
and blocked the doorway.
"You're not leaving until we settle this." Drew tried
to push him aside, but Pat stood his ground. Pat pushed Drew
back in to the room and closed the bedroom door. "None of us
are leaving until we talk about this shit." He gave all of
us a look that told us he meant it.
Drew walked back and sat in the chair again. "What do you
want me to say?" Drew asked him.
"I just want the truth. Yesterday, we were just friends
and I was in love with Kyle, and now I don't know what we
are or how I feel. I wanted you for so long, but I never
thought it was possible. You were as straight as they come,
and we were good friends. I wouldn't trade our friendship
for anything, or risk it for some stupid crush. I kept how I
felt a secret so that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable. Now
that I have finally let go of any illusions of you loving me
back, you do this and all of my old feelings and thoughts
come back, and I don't know what to do. So tell me how you
feel. Honestly. I deserve that much."
I wanted to throw up as I heard him confess his
feelings for Drew. I could have probably forgiven him if it
was just sex, but it was more than that, there were some
feelings involved. I didn't want to be privy to this
conversation, but it was too late. I was trapped in the
room.
"I always thought you were kind of cute. I was tempted to
take advantage of you that night when you got drunk and told
everyone you were gay. I took off all of our clothes because
I wanted to feel your body next to mine. I almost came when
you kissed me. I know it wasn't a real kiss, but it was the
best kiss I have ever had. It left me wanting more and
dreaming about one day making contact with those lips again.
You have no idea how much I think about you. I close my eyes
and I see your face. I go to sleep and you're always there,
waiting for me. I put my arm
around you and it feels like that's the only place I have to
be. Like nothing could be more perfect. I look at Laurie and
I wish that she was you. I live to see your smile or look in
your eyes and I go to Heaven every time we make contact, no
matter how simple. Everything is better when I hear your
voice. I don't know what it is. I don't know how I feel
about you. I just know that I don't feel this way about
anyone else, and that's the truth."
"Sounds like love to me," I said without thinking. Now
was my turn to be the center of attention. They all looked
at me and I stood there, speechless. I walked to the bed and
sat down next to John. I looked at Pat and his eyes were
still planted on me. "So I guess this is it."
"I don't know," he said.
I chuckled a little. "See you two have lots in common
already. Neither one of you knows anything besides the fact
that you love each other even though you won't admit it.
Both of you have made it painstakingly obvious with your
confessions of `feelings' which sound a hell of a lot like
love to me." Neither of them said anything or looked at me.
"You can both go to hell." I told them as I stood up. I
wanted to leave, but I couldn't will my feet to move. The
tension in the room was so thick that you could feel it
seeping in to your body and at that moment, the tension was
weighing me down like a ton of concrete.
"I love you Kyle." Pat finally managed to say. "I was
thinking about you when I was with Drew last night. It's
you, not him."
"Were you thinking about me because you wanted me, or
were you thinking about me because you thought Drew was
thinking about someone else?"
He appeared to be at a loss of words as his eyes looked
at me. He got this look in his eyes that reminded me of a
`Eureka' moment and he quickly looked away. I guess I hit a
nerve or something.
John stood up next to me and placed his arm around me.
"Let's not try to sort everything out right now. There's
plenty of time to figure out what's going on. Nothing's
decided."
I knew he was trying to make me feel better, but the look
that crossed though Pat's eyes told me that he was putting
it all together. He wanted me because I wanted him and I was
available and he wanted to be loved. He knew in his heart
that he wanted Drew more, and his eyes couldn't deny it. I
thought it was sort of funny because I always assumed that
Pat had a crush on John because of the way Pat looked at him
sometimes, and I thought John was the one who secretly loved
Pat. I guess I was fooled.
I sat back down as the pain of losing Pat hit my heart at
full force. We hadn't even made it official and already it
was over. Yesterday we were happy, today we were through. I
couldn't say anything and they were all quiet as well. I
think everyone was piecing things together in their own
minds. John sat down on the bed again a few minutes later.
He put his arm around me. "I wish there was something I
could do," he whispered.
"There's nothing anyone can do. It wasn't meant to be." I
told him.
"It's not over yet," said Pat.
His comments caught my attention so I looked over at him.
"Yes it is." I turned to Drew, "So what about Laurie?" He didn't
say anything. We all sat there as the silence returned to the room.
c Lustyville 2006
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