Honor your truth~

“Living through enough, we all come to this understanding, though it is difficult to accept: No matter what path we choose to honor, there will always be conflict to negotiate.

“If we choose to avoid all conflict with others, we will eventually breed a poisonous conflict within ourselves.

“Likewise, if we manage to attend our inner lives, who we are will -sooner or later- create some discord with those who would rather have us be something else.

“In effect, the cost of being who you are is that you can’t possibly meet everyone’s expectations, and so, there will inevitably, be external conflict to deal with- the friction of being visible.

“Still, the cost of not being who you are is that while you are busy pleasuring everyone around you, a precious part of you is dying inside; in this case, there will be internal conflict to deal with – the friction of being invisible.

“As for me, it’s taken me thirty of my forty-nine years to realize that not being who I am is more deadly, and it has taken the last nineteen years to try and make a practice of this.

“What this means, in a daily way, is that I have to be conscientious about being truthful and resist the urge to accommodate my truth away.

“It means that being who I really am is not forbidden or muted just because others are uncomfortable or don’t want to hear it.”

Center yourself and meditate on a decision before you that might generate some conflict; either within you, if you withhold who you are, or between yourself and others, if you exert who you are.

Breathe steadily and feel both the friction of being invisible and the friction of being visible

Breathe slowly and know that you are larger than any moment of conflict

Breathe deeply and know that who you are can withstand the experience of conflict that living requires.”

How much do I share to be seen to be heard to be accepted if I don’t accept myself first and work with it with how much more I accept this moment , this situation created from before not known by me and see clearly more and yet accept this instant always…

Aloha! So true and well written! I crashed into the wall at age 48 and fortunately survived. Being the deep seeking Pisces that I am – according to my beautiful Shamanic Healer, I’m healing, awakening and enjoying the view now at 52 – although many challenges exist on the plate. After the personal “Tsunami” of epic loss blew over – literally being reduced to nothing, I had to look deep within if I were to survive the aftermath. My first published book titled “Uncomfortably Numb” was healing and therapy for me and I now understand that they’re all just stories – the observer viewing the observed. Now is the time, we are the future. I’m jazzed that I connected to your wonderful web-site and wish you the very best on your journey…

It is so true…being authentic requires us to be very brave warriors at times. Being authentic is not for the faint of heart! Being true has caused me to have to be more courageous than I ever thought…in that sense, the peace of authenticity is a sacred honor.

So..another, “damned if you do, damned if you don’t,” warning…our existence is governed by others, because to be at peace with and true to yourself means capitulation, not liberation. As Camus said: “Hell is other people.” In Nepos’ statement, we must carefully prepare, and learn to navigate through that, “hell of other people,” because if we abandon connection with people, and celebrate our true selves, we can only expect hell from within.

That might be what Camus said but not what Mark Nepo is saying in this passage. He’s not talking about “abandoning connection with people” he’s just saying that inevitably “No matter what path we choose to honor, there will always be conflict to negotiate.” In life, we are not going to be able to please everybody and it’s important to be true to who we are and not accommodate our truth away for the sake of others or avoid conflict. Very important lesson!

I couldn’t have read this at a better time. Thank you. It becomes so exhausting to please others. I end up feeling depleted when I do. Then, when I say “no” and step up to speak my truth by expressing my boundaries, I feel the sting on how people take it. I was starting to feel mentally/physically sick by constantly pleasing a new friend and I had to finally step up and speak my truth.
I even told myself that maybe it is best to stay away from everyone for a long while. I am hyper-sensitive (Cancerian-Moonchild) and I prefer to spend a lot of time alone, but I also need balance. I don’t wanna become this isolated person for fear of upsetting other people because I don’t always want to please and give. The truth is I have certain people in social media that just want to leech or cling on to me to meet other people or gain something. All they do is take, take, take. I learned something about myself recently. I invite people I don’t know too well (too soon) into my life/home etc… I should take it slower. What can I say? I do enjoy giving, but find that I am attracting vampiric energies into my life. I need to know how to protect myself from these people.