Sunday, October 08, 2006

Veils, Crocodiles, And Random Quote #1

Winters here in England. Everyone has a cold. Even Jude Law in Cold Mountain. Talking of dirty rags, haven't seen anything of him and Sienna Miller in the tabloids recently. Jack Straw made a veiled attack on the female Muslim dress code this week. British Ministers are hardly paragons of virtue when it comes to giving suggestions on dress sense. Think trousers above the waist ala Simon Cowell. Elbow pads. Ties that would be better used as alternative distress flares. Oh yes, flares, trouser legs that go just above the ankle and display a multitude of sockly sins. Such as black trousers, and white socks. And then you have this new fad, wearing a shirt with no tie, like they just walked off the set of Oceans 11.

In tennis, Roger Federer beat Tim Henman, in his first final of the year this week in Japan. Tim is like a whipping boy who just keeps coming back for more, maybe he should go see the more shady ministers of the British government. F1 driver Schumacher has lost his grip on the championship with Fabio Alonso winning, he should have got advice from Tony Blair before announcing early retirement.

UK prison space is in crisis apparently. We need more cages, millet, cuttle fish, and swings. Maybe we could also let them out to fly, Business class to the Bahamas perhaps. In Australia they have enrolled inmates on crocodile handling courses, as a way of rehabilitating inmates. Now we know where those crocodile handbags and shoes are coming from, a croc farm in Australia. They had just gotten over Roger Moore jumping on them in that Bond film. So now they've got more problems with people who are no longer Saints. Maybe the crocs should get rehabilitation while being held down on a couch. Would say retail therapy, but those croc leather wallets aren't going to help.

Ive come into an unexpected windfall, Ive realised I have more wealth than half the world could want. I entered my earnings into the Global Rich List generator and I'm the 642,565,306richest person in the world! Makes you take stock and realise you are maybe better off than you thought. I'm in in the TOP 10.7% of the richest people in the world! I found this on http://www.globalrichlist.com/ Also works as a chat up line for the less mathematically minded chick :)

Russia'spopulation is decreasing according to a report. Life expectancy for men is expected to be late 50's. Its odd how for oil rich countries life is not so slick. Still Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharapova are serving the country well.

Grizzly Man, a documentary film on Alaskan Bears shows Timothy Treadwell close up with them as he lived for several summers. Until he met a grizzly end, after all those years he must have finally taken their porridge.

The Departed is a film I recommend, a fine addition to add to Martin Scorsese's collection. I wonder if he has a shelf with his favourite DVDs on. He probably uses Oscars as door stops. I would have loved to have gone to The Departed wrap party, Jack Nicholson, Mark Wahlberg, fair to say to your loved one, ill be home late. In fact Id like to see the sequel, The Arrival, where they get scolded by their wives.

Random QuoteTragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.Mel BrooksPerfectly Good Quote Ruined By AnalysisPaper cuts are the worst. Harrison Ford survived that fall into the sewer in the movie The Fugitive, though he'd probably had a Yorkie bar. Mel is right that falling is funny though, and into a sewer is comedy gold.

Joe Blogs

Welcome, I'm Mr Joe Blogs. On this site, I'll be taking a comedic look at world events, and interviewing interesting people & bloggers. Carrying on a fine family tradition, that goes back to Grandpa Blogs, as seen in the movie Blogs Of War, directed By Stephen Spielblog. Feel free to email me, or leave a comment :) matt_clarke1981@hotmail.com