The increasing amount of squeeking noise that your wooden floors make in direct converse proportion to how badly you do NOT want to wake up your wife or girlfriend when you are sneaking in after a night out trolling the titty bars. The later and more wasted you are the louder it is. If you have actually gotten some skank, it will likely be at full volume, especially if there is any lingering odor. Beds can also have squeekponential that activates in direct proportion to how bad you don't want your girlfriend's parents to hear you bopping her after you've snuck in her bedroom window.

I'm really wasted and should just crash over at Bob's house, but his floors have a really high squeekponential and we're likely to get busted by his bitchy wife"