Reading This Just May Save Your Marriage

Call me old-fashioned, but "The feeling is gone." shouldn't be a deal-breaker.

If your relationship endures over time, you'll experience the whole range of unwanted emotions including anger, bitterness, jealousy, dissapointment and boredom. Marriage means keeping both feet in the relationship during the difficult times and bringing one's best self to the relationship even when (or, especially when) you don't feel like it.

I also hear, "I struggle more with my partner's personality than his behavior. If I don't like his (or her) personality, nothing can be done about that."

But personality is expressed through behavior. Personality isn't written in stone.

The introvert can make an effort to initiate conversation and connection. The "over-talker" can practice brevity and leaving more space. The disinterested partner can practice asking questions to his partner and listening with his whole heart. The "fix-it" partner can dial down the criticism, advise-giving and "I know-what's-best" attitude. The pursuer can call off the chase and put her energy into focusing on the quality and direction of her own life. The overfunctioner can learn to do less. The underfunctioner can learn to do more. The rigid partner can learn to bend like grass, and the overly-accomodating partner can learn to stand like an oak when something really matters. You get the idea. Be the one to change first, because waiting for the other person to change first is a recipe for relationship failure.

The longer I work with couples, the more I feel humble about predicting what's ahead. I know a couple where the husband's distance had a very eroding effect on the relationship. He was basically "missing in action" for more than a decade. His wife also disengaged from the relationship. Then the wife's mother became very ill and moved to the town where they lived. The husband stepped up to the plate in a spectacular way. He began to do a huge amount for his mother-in-law and was very supportive to his wife as she dealt with her mother's illness and ultimate death. She developed a newly found love and respect for him. Their marriage flourished.

I'm not suggesting that it's a good idea to sit like a bump on a log through long years of distance. I am saying that I've been around long enough to know that without a crystal ball (where did I put that thing?) I can't predict the future of relationships. Marriage (like life) takes many surprising and unexpected turns. It often takes only one person to turn things around.

To blame things on "the feeling is gone" or "personality" can be an excuse not to change. Our personalities are not as fixed as the stars and sure as sunrise. As I explain in THE DANCE OF ANGER and MARRIAGE RULES it is never too late to change our part in the "stuckness" that bring us pain. There are some very specific steps that one person can take to make things a while lot better.

The hardest thing is getting started. The second hardest thing is maintaining the change over time when you don't get quick "results." Change requires motivation, good will, and a genuine wish for a better relationship.The reassuring thing is that it sometimes takes only a small change on the part of one person to make things a whole lot better.

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Thank you for your article. Question - how do you decide that it is time to separate? When it has been deteriorating for 2 years, wife does not feel emotionally safe around the husband, he does not acknowledge his addiction, so does not attempt to deal with it? He does not believe in therapy ("psychobabble"); she has been to therapy to try to change how she is in the relationship. She still feels unsafe around him. I am an outsider, a friend, who visited recently, to find him playing video games while she got son ready for school, fed daughter, vacuumed, and made lunch for all of us. All this while she is 7.5 months pregnant. I want to stay level headed, but am finding it harder and harder to support the marriage. She does not feel safe enough around him to want him in the birthing room this time around; afraid his presence will make the labor and delivery harder rather than easier. When to say, "so long?"

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+27736613276 The Abortion Pill: Medical Abortion with Mifepristone and Misoprostol What is the Medical Abortion?

Medical abortion is a procedure that uses various medications to end a pregnancy. A medical abortion is started either in a ****'s office or at home with visits to your health care provider.

Medical abortion doesn't require anaesthesia or surgery, but it should be done early in pregnancy. Unlike a surgical procedure, a medical abortion usually is done without entering the uterus.

During the procedure Medical abortion can be done using the following medications:

Oral mifepristone and oral misoprostol. This is the most common type of medical abortion, likely due to the ease of oral rather than vaginal dosing. These medications must be taken within seven weeks of the first day of your last period. Mifepristone (mif-uh-PRIS-tone) — also known as RU-486 — blocks the action of the hormone progesterone, causing the lining of the uterus to thin and preventing the embryo from staying implanted and growing.

Misoprostol (my-so-PROS-tol) causes the uterus to contract and expel the embryo through the vagina. If you choose this type of medical abortion, you must visit your health care provider twice to take the medications and then afterward to make sure the abortion is complete.

Methotrexate injection and vaginal misoprostol. This type of medical abortion must be done within seven weeks of the first day of your last period. Methotrexate is given as a shot by your health care provider and the misoprostol is later used at home. You must visit your health care provider within a week of getting a methotrexate shot for an ultrasound to confirm if the abortion is complete. If the pregnancy continues, another dose of misoprostol will be given.

Vaginal misoprostol alone. This method may be used over a broader range of gestational ages, but requires scheduling multiple doses of the medication. Vaginal misoprostol alone can be effective in promoting the completion of a miscarriage — a spontaneous abortion where the embryo has died.

The medications used in a medical abortion cause vaginal bleeding and abdominal cramping. They may also cause: Nausea, Vomiting, Fever, Chills, Diarrhea, Headache.

You may be given medications to manage pain during and after the medical abortion. You may also be given antibiotics. Your health care provider will explain how much pain and bleeding to expect, depending on the number of weeks of your pregnancy. You might not be able to go about your normal daily routine during this time, but it's unlikely you'll need bed rest. Make sure you have plenty of absorbent sanitary pads.

If you have a medical abortion in a health care provider's office or clinic, you'll have a pelvic exam before you're given additional doses of misoprostol to see if the foetus has been expelled. The frequency and strength of your uterine contractions also will be monitored. While the most discomfort may last one to two hours, spotting before and bleeding after could last two weeks.