Last night I watched Aguirre, Wrath of God, tonight I watched Can’t Hardly Wait. Aguirre is clearly the superior film, but having come of age in the late 90s, Hardly strikes a few more chords than I’d like to admit. From Lauren Ambrose’s hair to Seth Green’s inspired performance as a white kid who desperately wishes he were black, it is a time capsule. Some of it is positive and resonant, like crocheted blouses and the music of Soul Coughing, and some of it is negative and regrettable, like the employment of “fag” as an insult and the music of 311, but all of it is saturated in the second half of 90s popular culture.

So you will never have to, I assembled an inventory of every mid-to-late 90s point of reference that appears in Can’t Hardly Wait. You’re welcome.

chunky Mary Janes

Dr. Martens

that folded paper fortune game thing that you operate with your thumb and forefingers

that redheaded kid from Angus

Eve 6

dog tags as necklaces

Smash Mouth

Pop-Tarts

that kid from Empire Records who is really into GWAR

dialogue that is uncharacteristically smarter than the characters ala Kevin Smith

bleached tips

an Al Davis reference

dudes wearing chains

goatees

that kid from Hook

Simon (the electronic game)

multiple X-Files references

K’nex

an homage to Independence Day

multiple references to laser pointers

Todd MacFarlane’s KISS action figures

a Batman Forever Happy Meal toy

upside-down visor

thick chain with padlock as neckless

Tupac reference

Biggie reference

little braids tied with colorful mini-elastics

Tommy Hilfiger

white sneakers

football jersey tucked into jeans

Nintendo 64

pager clipped to puffy jacket

Breckin Meyer cameo

the youngest sister from Party of Five

crocheted blouse

silky, oversized button-up shirt, both buttoned and unbuttoned

ringer t-shirts

3/4 length ringer t-shirts

Clarissa

Donald Faison cameo

sleeveless flannel shirt

velvet pirate shirt

long hair on guys parted down the middle

White Zombie

80s style portrayal of nerds

yellow-tinted, horn-rimmed sunglasses

Jaime Pressly cameo

Party of Fivehead’s yearbook quote if from Jewel

so many chokers

several Smashmouth songs

Hot Topic goths

the line “He is the most dope guy in school.”

references to “Brad and Gwyneth”

reference to Twelve Monkeys

Soul Coughing

stylish goggles

G Love and Special Sauce’s “Cold Beverage”

greasy hair

tank tops under sheer tops

Clea Duvall cameo

“Bust a Move”

multiple sterling silver rings on guys

rabbit’s feet

babydoll dresses

key necklace

astrological sign necklace

silver ball necklace choker

Tamagotchi

velvet dresses

3rd Eye Blind

white guys with dreads

belly shirts

wallet chains

the line “You better recognize, fool.”

the line “Why y’all gotta waste my flava?”

“fag” used as an insult several times

Silly String

Hootie reference

fedoras

references to “jimmy hats”

Tone Lōc

2 piece dresses

reference to getting tickets to Pearl Jam

the line “There is a super mad honey downstairs…”

Selma Blair cameo

the line “Isn’t this the weekend you’re supposed to meet your girlfriend from the Internet?”

protagonist has a question about a song and must use a pay phone to call the artist during a call-in show as opposed to looking it up on Wikipedia

Jenna Elfman cameo

tongue piercings

cherry jewelry

Manic Panic

Superman tattoo

Independent Skateboards t-shirt

tiny View-Master keychain

Sublime

Jerry O’Connell cameo

Boyz II Men’s “I’ll Make Love to You”

“The Right Stuff”

FILA sneakers

311

Blink 182’s “Growing Up”

there is sub-plot in which two characters are to be framed to appear secretly gay

pinup doll devil t-shirt

so many sideburns

velvet sports coat

the line “Peace out, G.”

reference to Urkel

flare jeans

In the “where are they now” lines at the end of the movie, the nerd is said to go on to Harvard and start a company worth 40 million. Only 40 million. LOL, the Nineties.

About Alex Steed

Alex Steed has written about and engaged in politics since he was an insufferable teenager. He has run for the Statehouse and produced a successful web series. He now runs a content firm called Knack Factory with two guys who are a lot more talented than himself.

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Alex Steed

Alex Steed has written about and engaged in politics since he was an insufferable teenager. He has run for the Statehouse and produced a successful web series. He now runs a content firm called Knack Factory with two guys who are a lot more talented than himself.