It's a Sick, Sad, Sad, Sad World, by TheExcellentS (Part 1): It was the opening day at the new Sinclair Casino and Resort built on the outskirts of Lawndale, Maryland, and the combination of high school seniors having just come off their graduation, families on summer vacation and the general social butterfly population ensured a healthy flow of customers for the occasion. A lot of the adult patrons gravitated towards the casino, where the hope would be that one lucky spin on the slots could change your life. They didn’t know it at the time, but for 10 people, their lives would change forever by the end of the week....

Monday, August 30, 2010

World-famous underground comics creator R. Crumb turns 67 today. At left is Quinn Morgendorffer, drawn by an MTV artist in the style of R. Crumb (and excellently done, too). Mr. Crumb, creator of Mister Natural and a host of other characters from the hippie years onward, is still alive and drawing, praise be! (Thanks to the almighty Pinhead for the image.)

Caira the Great has discovered a long-lost treasure in a computer hard drive: "Free Radio Lawndale" (Broadcasts 1-6), by Ken Tremberth and Erin Mills. The series was lost in the tragic GeoCities Shutdown of 2009, but now appears on PPMB.

Daria/Dorian 7: Motorcycles and Jocks Don't Mix, by LadieT (Part 5): "Don't be looking so down son, you played a great game." Jake chimed in from the driver's seat. "Yeah, but it was for naught. We lost." Dorian's frustration showed in his voice. Jane put her arm around him and squeezed. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek. Once inside his house, Dorian decided to skip the movie. Between Brittany and the game, he was afraid his mood would ruin Jane and Quinn's evening. Going up to his room, Dorian got dressed for bed. A couple of hours later, he heard a knock on his door. After getting up to open it, Dorian laid back down and continued to stare at the ceiling.

Daria: Hunter 5—Infectious, by Jim North (continued): The buzzing in Axl's head had risen to the level of a beehive. Scratch that, of a hundred beehives, all crammed down into his skull, then battered around with a stick until the bees inside were well beyond even a reasonable amount of "pissed off". System after system was slipping from his grasp, and no matter how many times he split himself, there just weren't enough Axls to go around. A comm line called for his attention and he moved to quash it, but before he could finish the mental commands necessary to shut it off, it opened seemingly of its own accord and let through the sound of his own voice speaking in smug, condescending tones.

Finn Morgendorffer 56: A Journey to Eternity, by HolyGrail2007 (COMPLETE!): Finn and Tom decided to meet up for pizza the next day. Apparently, some old friends of the Sloanes were coming to visit. They were eager to see Tom, which meant he needed to be anywhere but there. “Yo, dude,” Finn greeted his friend warmly. “How’s everything going? With the breakup and all?” Tom asked once they had their pizza. Tom was the only person Finn had told about the breakup, until he accidentally blabbed it to Daria. (ending here)

For Life, by LSauchelli and Quiverwing (Part 5): Almost five minutes passed by without either girl saying a single word. Jane interrupted the silence calling out, “Daria?” “Hmmm?” Daria managed to say, not really feeling like talking at the moment. “Why did you fight those women?” she asked, and proceeded to ramble on. “It’s not like you actually needed to prove a point you—” Daria rolled her eyes and stood up making as much noise as she could. “When I see something I don’t like, I always try to pummel it to the ground, be it with my wit or with my fists.” “But...” Jane started to say, not entirely sure of what she was about to say, “why didn’t you just call the guards?”

NEWER! God Save the Esteem 4: Melody Power to the People, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): She sat in darkness lit only by monitors, a spider in a vast electronic web. The suspects were entering the area again. They had to be watched. Only she stood against the terrorists, the drug dealers, the gangstas, the smokers, and the people who put gum under the seats, stood between them and Laaaawndale High. Li tapped a button and Camera 12’s image covered the screen; a push of the controller and it zoomed in on one Daria Morgendorffer. (Part 2) (NEWER! Ending here)

Hack the Planet.exe, by Brian Taylor and Charles RB (prologue and Part 1): On the day the judge pronounced sentence in The People vs. Daria Morgendorffer, every tech and crime reporter worth even half his salt had congregated on the Montgomery County Circuit Court from every corner of American soil. Cameras from every local affiliate lined the sidewalk, and vans from every international news network lined the street. Not every punk sixteen-year-old with an old Dell and nothing but time to burn could punch a hole in the Department of Defense's mainframe, redirect all visitors to the Republican National Committee's website to the North American Man/Boy Love Association, and single-handedly cause enough of a crash in commodities trading that the New York Stock Exchange dropped fifty points in twenty minutes. (Part 1) (Daria/Hackers)

Jane Lane: Ace Attorney—Turnabout Teacher's Pet, by LSauchelli (Part 15): “Good afternoon, Ms. Li,” said Jane, smiling, “It’s nice to see you again,” she offered her hand. Li did not take it. “What do you want, Lane?” Charles snorted. Jane tried not to glare as she answered, “To have a few words with you, of course.” Li did not ask them to sit down. Jane frowned and decided not to ask permission. “So, Ms. Li,” she said, sitting back comfortably in one of the chairs. Charles imitated her, “you said you left the school at 6:30 PM that day, right?” “Yes,” said Li, glaring, “and I have no motive to kill Mr. Cartwright, nor there’s any evidence pointing at me as the killer. I believe you’re wasting your time here,” she added, frowning.

NEW! Jane Morgendorffer, by LadieT (Part 6): "The reason why I pulled out the tape recorder is so that no one can question the validity of the adoption. So I must ask, is everyone in this room okay with me taping this meeting?" Everyone nodded in agreement. Pressing the record button, Sarah began explaining what would happen. "I want everyone to state their names clearly into the recorder. I am Sarah Kraft and I am an attorney who specializes in private adoptions. In the room with me are... " "Vincent Lane." "Amanda Lane." "Helen Morgendorffer." "Jake Morgendorffer."

Moving Pictures VI, by Brian Taylor (COMPLETE!): The interior of a high school gymnasium being decorated for a Valentine's Dance. The bleachers are pushed into themselves. A P.A. system is being set up by the mats on one wall. The focus zooms in and out. From the quality of the tape, this is a second- or third-generation copy. "Testing," says Amy's voice, near to the microphone. "'Tenser,' said the Tensor. 'Tenser,' said the Tensor."

Oops! by Malakite (COMPLETE!): Nibbler, as the ancient being was sometimes known, felt like sinking into the ground beneath him. He'd baited the wrong human into cryostasis.... (Daria/Futurama)

Popularity, by GlitterShrooms (COMPLETE!): “I’m going to do it Lilith! Today’s the day!” “What are you going to do Arnold? Swallow the lunch lady’s meat without throwing up?” she said with her Cheshire Cat smile. “No. No. No,” responded her best friend. “Today’s the day that I become the most popular kid in Hollywood High!” “And how do you, the most unpopular kid the universe has ever known, propose to do that?”

Raft College: The First Year, by rglovejoy (Part 23): They walked down the hallway together. Daria felt a little uneasy, but not because Sam was holding her hand. His presence actually was helping, as she believed that she needed a strong protector right now. No, the problem was her lack of underwear. It became even more noticeable when they went down the stairs. Cool air brushed against her, making her blush. "Is everything alright, DeeDee?" "Yeah." At the bottom of the staircase, Daria quickly smoothed out her skirt. "This is kind of embarrassing, but can you keep a secret?"

Sleepwalker, by Jim North (continued): Charles' corpse sat in a small pool of blood that almost appeared reflective under the sodium glare of the lamps overhead. Anthony and Claire looked down on the crushed body sadly, then slipped on the latex gloves they had pilfered from the inn's cleaning cart. After Anthony retrieved the abandoned tire iron and slipped it through one of the belt loops on his pants, the two of them got to work straightening Charles out. It was easier to do than they had expected. Rigor mortis hadn't had time to settle in yet, and the smashed bones gave the body even more flexibility than usual. Almost too much, as it turned out.

Two Body Problem, by RLobinske (Part 1): Amy sat down on a leather chair and looked at the diploma she had just hung on the wall. A calendar on the desk reminded her that it was August, 1991 and that she had three weeks until Tennyson University was again filled with students. For now, the halls were mostly quiet, with only a few staff members, other faculty and the occasional graduate student wandering the halls. More than enough time enough to settle into her new tenure-track position. She smiled and said, "Finally." Her auburn hair was pulled into a ponytail and her t-shirt was half-soaked with sweat from moving into her office at Tennyson University.

Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Daria..." Tom thought through his lie, realized it was stupid, and just went for broke... (fairly obvious crossover)

Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): My name is Tom Sloane, an astronaut. A radiation wave hit, and I got shot through a wormhole. Now I'm lost in some distant part of the universe on a ship—a living ship—full of strange alien life forms. Help me! (Daria/Farscape)

Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Wormbait (COMPLETE!): Daria stared at the filthy man with the shaggy blond hair and beard, dressed in tattered clothing and tried to remember the last time she had seen him, certainly long before she had met Jake, her mum's current boyfriend. (Daria/Yellowbeard)

Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Wraith (COMPLETE!): "Okay, Jane, I knew this school was... odd when I first got here. But explain something to me...." (Daria/Cromartie High School)

Unnamed story (Future Daria: Iron Chef or merely an annoyance?), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "This is Daria Morgendorffer, and if you are viewing this message it means either I've failed or my co-workers at Planet Express have done something incredibly stupid that ruined my careful plans. It will almost certainly be the latter...." (Daria/Futurama)

Unnamed story (Jack), by Wormbait (COMPLETE!): Timothy O'Neill woke slowly to the dull ache in his arm from the tattoo Anthony had talked him into getting the other day....

NEWER! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: The Terror of Metalmouth), by Greystar (COMPLETE!): Metalmouth knew he'd bitten off more than he could chew when the horde of co-eds tied him to a spit and began building a huge fire in a nearby roasting pit.

NEWER! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: The Terror of Metalmouth), by Jim North (Part 1): Metalmouth chuckled softly to himself as he watched the two frightened teenagers flee from the woods. He hadn't been able to catch them, unfortunately, but he often enjoyed scaring the hell out of them just as much as he enjoyed tearing the flesh from their bones with his vicious teeth. (NEWEST! Part 2)

MOST NEWEST OF ALL! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: The Terror of Metalmouth), by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): Ms. Li looked up in shock as the man barged into her office. He was tall, with dark hair, and seemed to be covered in dirt and dried blood. His clothes were filthy and worn; in one hand he carried a shotgun, and in the other... the other hand was in some sort of oversized, metal glove. "What's the situation?" he asked. (Daria/Evil Dead)

Unnamed story (Why Jane is Daria's best friend), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "No, Daria. We're NOT going to that stupid Glenn Beck rally. We are putatively adults, we have good jobs, we have boyfriends, we don't have police records. We are going to keep it that way."

Unnamed story (Why Jane is Daria's best friend), by Getrealordie187 (COMPLETE!): "What am I doing? God, I can't do this. Why did I think I could do this?" "Daria, you're freaking out. Take a deep breath and get a hold of yourself. You can do this. You're going out there and you're giving your speech and you're going to be the leader of the free world for the next four to eight years. You said you wanted it; now you have it. I'll be by your side every step of the way. Just like always."

MOST NEWEST OF ALL! The Vision of the Burning Cities, by jtranser (continued): The Bogeyman smiled at his captive and, with relish, explained in detail what would be her final moments: "Your re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere will be spectacular!" "You mean I'll burn up?" "No. You'll be protected from that. What I have in mind is more spectacular and will confuse and frighten all who see it for decades. Indeed, it will be Fortean in its proportions!!" "You mean?..."' "Yes! You will appear in the skies above East Wilmerding, Ohio in A RAIN OF DARIAS!!!"

Where Gods Hold Sway, by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): “Daria. Jane. Welcome back.” The auburn haired woman nodded and rolled her shoulders within the confines of her ash-grey suit. The stenciled pale grey outline of spread wings covered her back and curled around to her collar bone, an empty sword belt slung across her hips. Beside her, a tall brunette stood in like attire, the wings on her back stenciled in a blue so light it was almost white. The belts on her hips hung like gun holsters, though they seemed to be built for a different weapon.

A Work in Progress, Subject to Revision: 9 to 5, by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "Come on, Quinn! Answer your damned phone already!" The call went to voice mail. The call to the home phone went to the answering machine. "I'm going to kill her, I swear!" Another number was dialed. "Yo! Daria, what's up?" "Jane, you need to get to my place NOW. If Quinn is there, kill her for me, and then tell her you need a makeover, suitable for a job interview. I'll be home in 15 minutes. Go, NOW! I think I found a job for you." "On my way! Thanks!"

Still have not quantified all stories in this thread, but it will be done soon!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Just got home a few hours ago. Had the misfortune to get sick literally as soon as we arrived at the hotel on vacation (see simulation from "Malled" at right), spent the whole weekend in hotel room. Woozy but okay now.

NEWEST! Not So Fast, Lane by Used Condominium (COMPLETE!): Daria was up in her room, hiding. Through the walls, she recognized Trent's low voice and suddenly found herself concentrating on her breathing pattern. Thank God for all those five a.m. yoga classes or I'd never remember how to breathe evenly, she thought.

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Anthony DeMartino Just Wants to Have Fun, by Smileyfax (COMPLETE!): "Girls... just want to have fuh-hun... oh girls, just want to have fun..." Anthony DeMartino wrestled with the child-proof safety cap furiously, until finally he managed to twist it open. He shook four of the little pills out onto his hand, popped them into his mouth, and dry-swallowed them. He pushed his hands to his ears in a futile effort to block the strains of Cyndi Lauper coming from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and waited. Finally, after ten minutes of the siren's voice calling him, it began to fade out of existence. After all, the song wasn't coming from within the cabinet, but from his own head. (FF.net)

Big Esteem, by Hazazel (Part 3): “You can’t blame the girl for our problems, Linda,” Helen said to woman who had been her sister-wife for more than twenty years. “If Jake had had enough brains to understand how much troubles taking a new wife in his situation would bring and explained it to the girl, she probably would have understood.” “So you think Jake alone is to be blamed for our situation?” Linda asked. “Jake more than anyone else,” Helen answered. “Yet you're the one who supported him in his foolery,” Linda shot back. Looking sad, Helen answered “How could I have opposed it? He was totally smitten with her. And she with him.” (Daria/Big Love)

NEW! Daria, Cynic of Lawndale: At Wits End, by Greystar (prelude): The citizens of Lawndale are lined up outside the gates of Lawndale Castle (picture Lawndale High, but made out of rough stone and sporting turrets) to watch the spectacle taking shape out front of the edifice. Soldiers in immaculate black and blood-red uniforms are holding the public at bay with muskets with bayonets affixed, though shock and fear seem to be doing equally well. A single file line of men, women, and children from all walks of Lawndale life, all wearing shackles and heavy chains are being walked into the doors of the building and through to a courtyard. In all cases, the Lawndale citizens are wearing their usual outfits, except they look like they haven’t been washed in weeks. Faces are dirty, sunken, streaked with sweat and grime. It is a populace that is thoroughly defeated.

DeWitt, by Jim North (COMPLETE!): Insomuch as I am capable of enjoying anything approaching "normal", I enjoy watching people. On this particular day, a Monday, I am sitting on one of the benches that line one edge of the Lawndale High commons, a small field where students such as myself tend to gather during lunch and free periods. It also serves as a walkway between, for example, the cafeteria and the main building, making it a particularly excellent spot for my little hobby. (Daria/Dexter) (FF.net) [Contains mature content.]

Do you swear to tell the truth... by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): The intercom on her desk buzzed. "Miz Morgendorffer? There's a Ranger to see you." "Thanks, he's expected." Texas Rangers tend to be tall, broad shouldered men. Ranger Bell was no exception. He was holding his hat in both hands as he entered the cramped office of Helen Morgendorffer. The office seemed even more cramped as he sat down. "Ma'am, I want to thank you for seeing me on such short notice, what I have to tell you is not the sort of thing you discuss on the telephone." [Contains mature content.]

Fashion Angels, by Aloysius (COMPLETE!): “Good morning, angels,” the deep male said over a small intercom. “Good morning, Charlie,” the four young women said in return. Tiffany Blum-Deckler checked her appearance via a compact mirror. Stacy Rowe drank a latté while she scanned the sports section of the Lawndale Sun-Herald. Quinn Morgendorffer and Sandi Griffin watched each other warily as they waited for their employer and sponsor to speak. (Daria/Charlie’s Angels/Toonces the Driving Cat)

Finn Morgendorffer 56: A Journey to Eternity, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 8): “I’m sure Jane has great times with her brother,” Mark returned. “When he’s conscious. And I’m conscious. Doesn’t happen often, but it grows on me. Come on, let’s go eat. Tomorrow, we’ll head over Daria’s, you can meet my ex. He’s graduating this week. And then, back on the trip.” “You’re lookin’ forward to seeing him, aren’t you?” Miranda teased. “It’s complicated.” Jane replied. “Doesn’t happen that often with me, but it’s really complicated.”

NEWEST! God Save the Esteem 3: Family Devalued, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): “Attention, entities of the interweb! This is Awesomely Amy, coming to you from the Lawndale woods—the sun is setting and we’re starting up the webcams around us! Stay tuned, for Metalmouth could attack at any moment! Dare YOU go to the bathroom and miss the scene?!” She disconnected the webcam and smiled. “They’ll be peeing in soda bottles if I know our audience. Everyone into the car, don’t want to be too tempting a target!”

NEWEST! Import/Export, by Brian Taylor (Part 2): "So, had enough, yet?" They were in Bad Penny's cell. If you looked past the bars and the stone walls, the place was swanky, indeed. Clean linens. Old hooch. New smokes. Compared to what Daria had at the moment—and what she'd grown used to since leaving New York in her rear view six months and a lifestyle ago—it was a mint under the pillow away from being the Grand Hotel. "Enough of what?"

NEWEST! Jack, by Hazazel (COMPLETE!): First thing Lindy noticed when she woke up was that she really, really, didn’t want to. Oh God, what a hangover! she thought. Just rising into a sitting position made her head feel like it was going to explode. After a moment, she opened her eyes and looked around. Alright, I’m naked but at least most of my clothes seem to be on the floor. Lindy turned to look at the man sleeping next to her. And who the hell is he? She watched guy’s face for a moment, but there was nothing familiar in it. Certainly not the knight in shining armor. Nothing like that in the cards for this damsel in distress. Then she noticed a tattoo of Jack Nicholson in his left shoulder.

Jane Morgendorffer, by LadieT (Part 5): Grabbing some empty boxes from the garage, Jake and Trent piled them in the back of Jake's car. While they were gone, Helen began rearranging Jane's room to fit an extra bed. Jane was helping Helen while Daria sat on Jane's bed curled up. Seeing her friend and soon-to-be sister upset, Jane sat down beside her. Daria refused to lift her head up. Helen stopped and joined them. "What's wrong, Daria?" "I think my mommy and daddy left 'cause they don't love me anymore.

Unnamed story (Iron Chef, Daria made by Filmation), by DocForbin (COMPLETE!): "Daria, you're like school on the Fourth of July." "What do you mean?" (Daria/Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids)

Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Daria's possible mentors), by Wormbait (COMPLETE!): Turning from her window in the warden's office of the newly re-opened Alcatraz, Daria set the last few lines to the thank-you card to her mentor....

MOST NEWEST! Unnamed story (Iron Chef: gangster school?), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "All RIGHT CLASS!" shouted the teacher. "Today, we discuss the importance of having a NAME that can be either either CATCHY or MEANINGFUL! The importance of such a name is to strike TERROR into your ENEMIES!" "Like Mr. PedO'Neill?" Brittany squeaked.

Unnamed story (Iron Chef: gangster school?), by Smileyfax (COMPLETE!): Stacy Rowe, Tiffany Blum-Deckler, and Tori Jericho stood at rigid attention for inspection. Their Schutzstaffel uniforms were immaculate, their posture pristine. They only awaited the approval of their Commandant. Sandi Griffin entered the room in full SS regalia, whip at her side, swastika prominently displayed on her armband, every inch the embodiment of pure evil. "I call to order this meeting of the Fascism Club," she said coolly. "Prepare for inspection."

Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Guys and Guys), by NightGoblyn (COMPLETE!): Quinn laughed, her voice lilting like wind through chimes, and then took another sip of her mimosa. Her lunch companion smiled ruefully and shook his head. "You promised you wouldn't laugh." "I know, I know," Quinn said. "It's just... wow. I now have the weapon of ultimate destruction over my sister." Tom frowned. "Just because she's the last girl I dated...."

Unnamed story (Iron Chef: What he REALLY thinks of Daria!), by Getrealordie187 (COMPLETE!): "You're beautiful. Unpolished sure, but you can't teach poise and you can't instruct disdain for the masses. Teach me! Teach me your ways."

Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Getrealordie187 (COMPLETE!): A year in Hope High had dulled the once witty, if deadpan girl into a vicious and ruthless shadow of her former self. Once upon a time she could have gotten you anything for a price; liquor, cigarettes, booze. People at Hope either had a niche or they were chum in the waters. Hers had been as a black market salesmen. She'd started out with tests and when one of the boys who used to run the racket got busted, she moved in. At Hope High, she'd been a god and for the first time in her life the bile she felt at the thought of the ignorance of the human race had stayed itself.

Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Getrealordie187 (COMPLETE!): "I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's depressing. Everybody's out of blush or scared of loosing their last tube of lip gloss. You can barely buy a nice top, Cashman's went bust, shopkeepers put ink tags on clothes just to ruin them. Punks are going out in daylight with their Mohawks and nose rings and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it..." (Daria/Network)

Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): DeMartino grinned at the dead form of the football team....

Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Jim North (COMPLETE!): Mack leaned forward, peering into the open hatch of the strange vehicle. From the steaming darkness within, a slithering, disgusting, alien thing swiftly emerged and launched itself at him. (Daria/Independence Day)

RLobinske presents a new Iron Chef: Zak Lane, based on a child's picture. Check it out.

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NEW! Big Esteem, by Hazazel (Parts 1 and 2): “Girls, I just want you to know your mothers and I realize it's not easy moving to a whole new town and state.” said the driver, Jake Morgendorffer. “Especially for you, Daria, right? ,” he said to girl sitting on the back seat. “Did we move,” answered the girl who had big round eyeglasses, a green jacket, under which one could see her orange shirt, and a knee length black skirt. Jake laughed nervously to his daughter’s joke and was about to say something when the other girl sitting in the back interrupted him. “Speaking of moms, dad, why couldn’t Helen take us to school? She took Sam and Chris to their school” “Helen’s starting in her new job today, Sandi” Jake answered. “She’s going to pass by the elementary school anyway, so it’s easy for her to drop them off.” (NEW! Part 2)

NEW! Big Esteem IICY, by Hazazel (COMPLETE!): "This college waiting game sucks, although it does provide the unexpected benefit of taking my mind off of every other aspect of my life." "I know the feeling. Well, I did know the feeling. Or, at least, kind of knew the feeling." "Wait, you heard from BFAC?" "Um, no..."

Daria/Dorian 7: Motorcycles and Jocks Don't Mix, by LadieT (Part 4): Jane was trying to focus on the canvas in front of her. Every few seconds, she would turn and watch Dorian read. The conversation between her and Brittany ran through her head. Feeling her anger rise, Jane threw her paintbrush against the wall. Closing the playbook, Dorian walked over to Jane. As he approached, Jane pushed him away. Walking past Dorian, Jane picked up the brush, cleaned it, then resumed her painting. Confusion covering his face, Dorian sighed and went back to reading. "You look cute when you run," Jane said, refusing to look his way. Dorian responded hesitantly, "I'm glad you think so." "Oh... I didn't say that. Brittany did while you were doing speed drills during practice."

Daria in Big Jane, Episode 13: Stop Pestering Me, Dammit! by InvisibleDan (COMPLETE!): "Who are you talking to?" Daria looked over and saw R. Thomas Sloane wearing a french maid's uniform and holding a feather duster. "Nobody. Why the hell are you dressed like that?" "You didn't give me anything else to wear when I'm performing my duties." "Oh yeah. Sorry about that." "I told you I would pay you back for protecting me but I didn't know you would be so kinky." "Hey, if you want something else to wear, take it up with Trent." "I would except I can't wake him up." (Daria/The Big O)

Kolchak: The Lawndale File, by Chris Tucker (continued): Morning couldn't come soon enough for me. One of the side effects of the past 20 plus years of my career has been nightmares. Oddly, I'd grown so used to them that I just kept on sleeping, no matter how terrifying they were. For whatever reason, my battered psyche decided that it was just easier to continue sleeping than to wake up and then try to get back to sleep. As for me, I'd prefer to wake up in a cold sweat and be awake to see the dawn.

Unnamed story (Future Daria: Iron Chef or merely an annoyance?), by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): "Daria! Quinn! The Yeagers are here!" The girls came down the stairs and walked outside to see a hybrid car pull into the driveway. Some decades-old song by Lady Gaga could be heard blaring through the open windows as the visitors stepped out of the car to greet the Morgendorffers.

NEW! Unnamed story (Future Daria: Iron Chef or merely an annoyance?), by Wormbait (COMPLETE!): [Too short to sample!]

Unnamed story (God Save the Esteem 3: Family Devalued), by Charles RB (Part 2): On the way out on Friday, Quinn was corralled by her parents. “Quinn, Erin’s going to be coming into town after school lets out. It’d be very helpful to us if you met her in town and showed her around.” “And remember, your cousin didn’t have the same advantages you and Daria did: loud music, rocking out, and partying are going to scare her. Bear that in mind.” “I will,” said Quinn, looking utterly angelic and trustworthy.

Unnamed story (Iron Chef: What he REALLY thinks of Daria!), by Getrealordie187 (COMPLETE!): Angier Sloane watched his oldest son take his girlfriend upstairs, the packet of neat and precise calculations left in his hands after only a day away from his side. The girl wasn't just a literary up and comer; she was a mathematical savant.

Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Well, I think I know where this is going." "Oh, witty to the last, are we? Well, laugh out of this—once you're mutilated and dying, this entire universe will burn, at my hand. Everyone you ever knew and loved, screaming—and you'll have to listen before death claims you. It's what you deserve." "Big words. But there's one thing you didn't take into account..." (Daria/Drawn Together/Power Rangers, + Judith Strikes!)

Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Getrealordie187 (COMPLETE!): Her jaw twitches as she controls the urge to cry. "It's so beautiful." (Daria/The O.C.)

What the Dormouse Said, by TAG (COMPLETE!): He saw her as soon as he opened the office door. She slouched in a chair to his left between the office’s front desk and a potted artificial tree. A color picture of President Richard Nixon hung on the wall above her head. The moment she spotted him she got to her feet—and began chewing a wad of gum she had been hiding in her mouth. “Hey, kid,” he said. “Hey,” she said in relief. “Thanks, Uncle Jack.”

Yeah, by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): "Hey Jodie, Mack." "Hey Daria." Jodie replied. Mack just stood there with a smile on his face. "I was wondering what you we're doing this weekend." "Well if all goes right I'm headed to the moon all weekend." She said as Kevin and Brittany came up from behind. "So I take it your going to participate in the ‘Camp out under the Stars' fundraiser." "Only if NASA refuses to led me aboard the shuttle."

Trust, by JohnnyStyle (COMPLETE!): The teenage brunette girl turned the collar around in her hands. Her eyes glistened with the tears she could not hold back. She could not believe her beloved pet, the only creature she trusted, was gone. "It was just a cat, Sandi," Linda Griffin told her daughter. "Get over it." "You just don't get it, Mother," the teenager said coldly as she carried the collar back to her own room.

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Finn Morgendorffer 56: A Journey to Eternity, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 7): Everything was laid out for Henry to come over that evening. The pastries were set out, the espresso machine was ready to go. All that was missing was the guest of honor, but Helen knew she set things up so early. Kids could be notorious at being tardy. Daria was seated and waiting for him, and Helen would not allow her to move from the living room until Henry showed up. Jake was trying to figure out the espresso machine in the kitchen, and Daria hoped he was at least somewhat presentable. Finn was upstairs in his room. He promised to do a meet-and-greet when Henry was here, but he didn’t need to stick around for the whole thing. Daria would be glad that he did: Finn would take the opportunity to embarrass her. Whether he actually did or not was something else, but he would attempt it, Daria was quite certain of that.

Jane Morgendorffer, by LadieT (Parts 3 and 4): "The boy is thirteen years old, Helen. How could they expect him to take care of himself, much less her?" "Calm down, Jake, I know. I'm going to have to call social services in the morning and report it." "What will happen to them if you do that, Helen?" "They'll be put into foster care. I doubt they would even be kept together. With their advanced ages, the chances of them getting adopted are almost nil." "There has to be a better solution, Helen." (Part 4)

Moving Pictures V, by Brian Taylor (COMPLETE!): Winter comes to Chevy Chase. A thin dusting of snow upon street and yard alike. Wreaths dangle from windows. Lights hang upon house fronts. Amy, in a black winter coat and matching woolen cap, stands on the sidewalk in front of a large, gated house. Her cheeks are pink from the cold. She clutches a battered microphone in a gloved hand. "Christmas," she intones dramatically. "To some wise men, it's the most wonderful time of the year. But is that really true? Are kids really jingle-belling? Is everybody truly telling us to be of good cheer? Hi. I'm Amy Barksdale. Join me for this year's Freaks, Creeps, and Phantasms Christmas special, as I take to the streets to uncover the secret meanings and terrible truths of this most jolly of holidays."

Old Habits Die Hard, by LSauchelli (COMPLETE!): Daria allowed herself a smile as she pushed the elevator button just before she got out of it. She raised her newly acquired weapon and dragged her feet to the stairs. It was going to be a long night. (Daria/Die Hard)

Senior Year, by Getrealordie187 (COMPLETE!): It became easy to pretend she and Charles were having sex....

Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Wormbait (COMPLETE!): Jane sat thinking of what the future might hold. With the arrival of Daria in Lawndale, Jane had discovered a reason to care about life and her future, and with Daria's help Jane's grades had rapidly improved to a point where she now had the FBI academy set firmly in her sights. Daria on the other hand had found herself enjoying teaching Jane and was looking at a profession in that field. Except now Jane wondered if she would get that chance... They had been on a "driving to get out of Lawndale for a while" trip and found themselves out in the middle of the dessert when the UFO had found them, or more specifically, found Daria.... (Daria/The Greatest American Hero)

Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): The battle was going badly against Quinn. Finally, Daria declared: "That does it! I'll have to use my strongest Pokemon: Hewhosmeltitdealtit!"

Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): Lt. Daria Morgendorffer collapsed in a bleeding heap, staring at the red-cloaked, cat-suited figure in stunned horror. "DELPHI Pacific Command down! Dozens dead! A whole city on fire! Why?! WHO ARE YOU?!"

Wed, by OverlordMikey (COMPLETE!): Eric and Marianne stood together at an altar. They spoke in unison of their love and commitment to one another. It had been only four months since Eric realized he was in love with the secretary of his original secret object of lust, Helen, but that was not true love and Helen was married. Those feelings where not pure, these feelings were. He found himself engrossed with every quirk she had. He found himself loving her kids as if they were his own. He even found out that Marianne loved dogs and fishing like he did. But he was really certain of his love when Marianne went out of her way to be there during his bout with depression that led to his addiction to amphetamines. Now she stood before him in a flowing wedding gown looking more beautiful than anyone in the world could possibly look. "If anyone one here objects to this union speak now..."

A Work in Progress, Subject to Revision: "May I ask you some questions, please..." by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): "Thanks for seeing me, Quinn." "Anything to help my sister!" "Lets start at the beginning. What do you remember about your early life with your birth parents?" "Ew! The smell! Stale beer and cigarettes. He was always yelling at her, my birth mother. There were fights. I remember hiding with Daria in our room, to get away from the fighting and screaming." "What do you recall about your sister from that time?" "She took care of me when they were gone... sometimes... they'd be gone for days."

Monday, August 23, 2010

On this special day in television history, 71 years ago, the Indian Head Test Pattern was completed by an RCA artist named Brooks, who hand-drew the whole thing. The test pattern was used by TV stations after they signed off the air. Eventually TV stations remained on the air 24/7, and the test pattern fell out of use. However, many in North America remember the days of old when they stayed up too late and fell asleep in front of the TV, only to awaken to the sound of an annoying tone and the above image. It is not likely Daria or Jane would recall this image, but Jake and Helen would know it on sight.

NO0OZ!

What would Daria have looked like if Filmation Studios had done the series? Wouter provides images to jump-start would-be fan artists.

FF.net

Daria and Dan Beavers: A New Beginning, by Coonassblondie (Part 1): Contrary to popular belief, Todd wasn't an idiot. He was a thief, yes, but not stupid. He was fairly certain that blond half of the Idiot Duo had a concussion. He picked the boy up bodily and laid him in his back seat, startling slightly when the kid groaned and his eyes slit open. Good, Idiot boy was awake. Todd had always heard you were supposed to keep people with concussions awake. He would drop the kid off at the emergency room and disappear. Yea, he wasn't stupid. (Daria/Beavis and Butt-head) [Contains mature content]

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Daria/Dorian 7: Motorcycles and Jocks Don't Mix, by LadieT (Part 3): Jane waited for Dorian to say something, anything, about what happened in gym. They were halfway through lunch when Dorian was paged to the office. Letting out a long sigh, Dorian gave Jane a quick hug before walking out of the cafeteria. Sitting in the secretary's room was Jake. While exiting the building, Jake explained the situation. "Ms. Li called your mom and told her about Kevin's motorcycle incident. Is it true you encouraged him to do that?"

Finn Morgendorffer 56: A Journey to Eternity, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 6): “So, before I get into announcing my successor, and to stall for time until the burgers get done, let’s talk about what a crazy-ass year it’s been. We took State, Barch got fired, and Ms. Li... I don’t remember what the term was, but she’s gone, too.” “Don’t forget Mr. O’Neill,” Leanne chuckled. “Oh yeah, sorry, I did forget,” Finn returned. “So anyway, the evil regime is over, and school can actually be a place where you learn stuff instead of whining about feelings, strip searches for contraband candy that isn’t from an overpriced fund-raiser, and having to fake like we’re sorry for being born male.”

General Semantics, Private Angst, by Gwrtheyrn (Part 29): Daria was in transit from the bathroom toward the office, walking slowly, deep in thought, when Tiff caught up to her and touched her shoulder for attention. "Tiff! What's wrong?" "We've—taken a non-binding straw vote, because of what we've heard from that—guy. Nineteen to—zero, so far, say we need to evacuate this location." Daria wasn't surprised. The process Sherman had used to find them wouldn't work again, but the power department itself had data which could parallel that search. It wouldn't be all that hard to find them if the enemy started looking intelligently. "Are we racing a lit fuse?" Tiff looked blank. "Sorreee?" "Do we have to move instantly?"

God Save the Esteem 3: Family Devalued, by Charles RB (Part 1): “So zombies really exist,” said Daria, stunned. “Now come on, the car’s not that bad,” protested Tom. “I think you need these glasses more than I do.” Tom had been acting smug all day at school, stating he’d got his own car to go with his learner’s license. At the end of the day, Daria and Jane had agreed to come along and let him show it off to them... only to find the most ancient, rust-riddled Jaguar imaginable. “I paid for it myself, saving up with my part-time job.” Tom proudly patted the car, causing it to groan under the pressure. “In later years I can look back at this baby and be proud.” “And today, you can look back at it to find out which piece has fallen off this time.”

In Any Other World, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): She could always count on Joey, Jeffy, and that other one to brighten up lunch. Usually the football team stuck to cheerleaders but those three always crowded round her, and thanks to them so did other team players. She was doing better than she ever had in Highland and Sandi was jealous as hell. It was great. “Hey, is that Mike talking to a brain?” Quinn glanced up and her face fell. Mike—red-mohawked bad boy of the team, someone she’d been working on nabbing—was talking to Daria. Damn. “Dude, that’s not a brain, that’s one of the retards from the retard table. She must’ve got lost.” “Oh, right. Sucks to be her then.”

John Lane 47: Another Look in the Mirror, by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): Erin was glad that the booths at the Pizza Place were the wider versions that seated six instead of the usual four. She was seated next to Daria, with John against the wall while across the table were Quinn and Tom. They had finished their pizza and were still working on sodas when she said, "I'm sorry, everybody. I didn't think that Brian would follow me." Daria said, "I really don't think that you planned for him to show up, get into a fight with Dad and John, and get arrested." John teased, "That's what she wants you to think. I'm sure it was all part of her grand design."

Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part III), by jtranser (continued): It was the Night of the Dark Moon as they stealthily crossed the border. The K'iche Mayans accompanying Daria's group had gone ahead and secured the trails leading to their destination. Using special warding symbols gathered from all over the Mayan lands, they set the paths that may not be crossed and hung obstacle charms that pinned the mind of any would-be adversary to a single thought repeating itself over and over. And, as that thought echoed through their mind, their legs would be directed to perform a demented suicidal jig marching through a grove of Cameraria trees whose toxic sap, released by casual touch, is as excruciatingly painful as it is deadly.

Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by Chris Tucker (COMPLETE!): The explosions rocked Lawndale. The top ten floors of the Lawndale Savings and Trust crashed to the street below. As the dust cleared, the shape of a giant, humanoid shaped thing became visible. One of the few survivors of the devastation brushed the dust and dirt from her black skirt suit. She straightened her black necktie. Raising her wristwatch to her mouth, she spoke clearly... (Daria/The Big O)

Unnamed story (Crossovers Still Crossing Over), by LSauchelli (COMPLETE!): Daria glared at the road before her as she stepped on the gas as hard as she could. She was heading to Tom's family's stupid party. It wasn't that she was going because she wanted to see Tom or anything, she was just... angry at her parents. It was a rare occasion, indeed, when she was actually angry. It's not that she never got annoyed at the world in general; in fact, that was quite usual for her. But to be really angry? Never. She couldn't believe her parents would lie to her. And what was the deal with the fridge box anyway? Of course her dad had wanted to leave her as a kid, why hadn't she thought that had ever happened? (Daria/Life on Mars/Ashes to Ashes)

Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Gangster School?), by LSauchelli (COMPLETE!): "How'd your day with Venom go?" asked Jane as Daria stepped out of the Manta outside the school's front door. "Went fine in terms of demonstrating my career aptitude. I just wish they'd done better showing how badly they messed up past missions," said Daria as Vanessa drove off. (Daria/M.A.S.K./G.I. Joe-COBRA)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Here we see Quinn giving her laptop a puzzled look. That is because today is the third anniversary of the biggest sending of infected e-mail in history, thanks to the Storm botnet, a network of remotely controlled zombie computers created by the Storm Worm. About 57 million e-mails went flying that day. The huge size of the Storm botnet was surpassed (probably) by the following year's Kraken botnet. How wonderful can the Internet be?

Daria/Dorian 7: Motorcycles and Jocks Don't Mix, by LadieT (Part 2): Coach Smith approached Dorian. "Ms. Li had a point. We need one more player and I wouldn't have to worry about you academically. I will try my best not to put you in any of the games unless it's absolutely necessary. Today during gym we'll try to figure out what position would suit you best." "Okay... Can I quit once Kevin is back on the team?" "Yes, unless you decide to stay on." Coach Smith walked away. Jane gave Dorian a sympathetic look. Then an evil grin came over her face. "I guess that means I'm dating a jock. So can I drive you crazy like you did me when I was on the track team?"

Finn Morgendorffer 56: A Journey to Eternity, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 5): “Hey, Daria.” Henry had called Daria on a Tuesday, and Daria wasn’t sure whether or not she was grateful to hear from him. If he came to down, he could be seen. Seen by Mom or someone else. And she’d insist on meeting him. Mountains of bad ideas coursed through her head as to what could happen. Henry was polite around Miranda and Mark, but they didn’t ask probing questions, they just wanted to see he exists, for the most part. Mom would be different. Mom wanted to know everything. Hell, she went so in-depth she might try for blood samples.

friends (more than) series: tutor, by Jim North (COMPLETE!): "There she is!" the older woman fairly squealed. "My little girl, all ready to get those last few grades up so she can graduate next year!" Ted suppressed a frown. He had seen Tiffany's grades from her previous attempt to graduate, and "last few" was a serious understatement. Out loud he said, "Thank you, Mrs. Blum-Deckler. Do you mind if we use the kitchen for our lessons?" She released Tiffany and pointed down the hallway. "Oh, of course not! It's that way, second door on your left." (NEW!FF.net)

God Save the Esteem 2: Fight for Your Invite to Party, by Charles RB (Part 3): From across the way, there was a loud commotion. Daria sighed as the source of the disturbance become clear: the Maleficent Eleven had turned up, scowling and aggressively wearing dark colors and some chugging beer. “Wonder how they got past Brittany at the door?” asked Jane. “It’s Brittany. They showed her something shiny.” “You know ‘Killer’ Quinn and her posse?” asked Tom. “I’m related to her. I remember when she was Kick-Butt Quinn at age 6. She had the most adorable tiny Mohawk.” Pat Seven was staring at the loud gang with bemusement. “They’re a rather whimsical lot, aren’t they?”

In Any Other World, by Charles RB (Parts 2 to 4): “So... like, what do you like to do after school?” “Oh, nothing special. Go to the movies... or, like, a theme park... or out for a really fancy meal now and then... or maybe go to a concert, if, like, I know somebody's got good seats and is renting a limo and stuff.” She had the patter down and she knew she had the looks: every boy would be after her. Every girl would want to be her. Things would be great. Except... “So, you've got any brothers or sisters?” (Part 3) (Part 4)

Jane Morgendorffer, by LadieT (Part 1): Helen called up from the kitchen. "Jane, Quinn... time to get up. It's the first day of school. You don't want to be late." Helen and Jake laughed as they heard a flurry of activity from the rooms above. Quinn came bounding downstairs first, eager to show off her new pink sneakers and t-shirt. Jane arrived a few minutes later wearing a red shirt and black shorts. In one hand was her backpack, the other her favorite book, Black Beauty. After finishing breakfast, Jane and Quinn hugged their mom before following their dad out the door. (preview)

Kolchak: The Lawndale File, by Chris Tucker (continued): Harrison opined that the killer, looking to stash the body, figured my car was an abandoned junker. If it was towed, so much the better. It would be in the impound lot for a few days. I don't know what angered me more. That I was without wheels for the foreseeable future, or that the killer thought my Mustang was an abandoned piece of junk. As I was leaving the station, the desk sergeant called me over. He handed me a note from the Morgendorffer girl's mother. Helen Morgendorffer would like to speak to me at my earliest convenience. Swell.

The Lane That Wasn't, by LadieT (COMPLETE!): "Follow me." The old man led Jane to the crossroad of both paths. He turned her away from the crater and the mountain. Another opening began to form in the road. Stretching his arm out towards it, he stared at Jane. "All you have to do is what you love doing... run. Just like before, the descent takes less than a second." Nodding her head in understanding, Jane extended her hand. "I guess I should be saying thank you or thanking whoever brought you to me. I know you said you only come once and that is only when you are called. So I guess this is goodbye." The old man shook his head.

NEW! Legacy, by Getrealordie187 (Parts 6a and 6b): "I don't know what's the matter with you lately. You act like you're not excited to see your sister at all. Sisterhood is a very important bond, Quinn, and I want you to try to form one with Daria the moment we arrive. This is not a suggestion." "When's the last time you talked to Aunt Rita?" "Rita! Don't get me started on her. All the times she gloats and rubs in my face that mother..." Quinn looks out the window and ignores her mother's droning. (Part 6b)

Shower, by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): Daria looked up as Jane drifted through the door of Daria's bedroom, towel around her neck and dreamy smile on her lips. Without a word, Jane dropped to her knees on the carpet and climbed into her sleeping bag. "M'night..." she sighed. Daria smirked. "Good shower?" There was only a snore for reply. Rolling her eyes, Daria went back to her book. Then...

Unnamed story (John Lane 47: Another Look in the Mirror), by Malakite (COMPLETE!): "Authorities are saying tonight that they believe they have finally found the killer in the infamous Inna Gadda Da Vidda slayings some 25 years ago. Police say this boy is the so-called Hippie Ripper, who in 1969 killed 16 hippies who were living in a van. Asked how a 15-year-old boy could have committed a crime that happened more than two decades ago, police spokesmen explained, quote, 'He's very clever.' "

Unnamed story (Kolchak: The Lawndale File), by McKeon (COMPLETE!): "Damn it, Helen! I lost another client!" Jake exclaimed.

NEWEST! What could have happened if Legacy!Daria had gotten along with Trent? by Getrealordie187 (COMPLETE!): "You've got to be out of your mind. I'm not doing it. No way, no how." Tom's face is mutinous where he sits on the couch next to his friend. Trent looks between the both of them rapidly from where he lays on the floor as his face continues to blush. Daria's face is pleading. "Come on Tom, it'd be so hot. Just this once and I'll never ask again. Consider it an early birthday present."

Fandom supersites

Daria supersites are comprehensive, content-rich websites designed by and for fans of the series. By definition, supersites offer a variety of links to other Daria fansites, but a true supersite offers much more—character descriptions, fanfiction archives, fan art galleries, essays and fan commentaries, message boards, screen-capture galleries, episode transcripts, downloadables, contests and quizzes, Dariacon information, etc. The designation of a fan site as a supersite is a matter of opinion, but the following sites (most of which are no longer updated) have made a serious effort to be comprehensive and offer a variety of material.

Series summaries

Daria summaries are webpages offering overviews of the TV series (1997-2002). Character images, episode synopses, and voice-actor lists are usually presented; some include links to other Daria sites. In most, little or no fan content appears, but some sites allow for fan reviews and commentary. Summary pages are often unoriginal copies of pages from Wikipedia or other sources about the show.

Latest fanworks

Many thanks to The Angst Guy for compiling the 2007-2010 fanfiction contributions, TheExcellentS for compiling the 2011 and 2012 fanfiction contributions, and Richard Lobinske for compiling the 2007-2011 fan art contributions.

Daria-on-DVD activism

Internet stores and product reviews are mixed together below, as one often includes the other. Note the special section with reviews and advice on the Daria's Inferno computer game. See also the important information at the end of this list.

Daria items licensed by MTV are no longer available from Hot Topic, but these might be found on resale sites.

WARNING!Not all items that appear under search queries for "Daria" are officially licensed from MTV. No guarantees are made by this website for quality, relevance, or anything else. This list is only for your personal interest and amusement. Caveat emptor!

Blasts from the past

Thanks to theWayBack Machine at Archive.org, many of the Daria websites of yesteryear that were taken down can be recovered, in whole or in part, for our interest today. Earlier versions of current websites are also intriguing; many fanfics that were deleted by request of their authors turn out to still be available through the WayBack Machine. Suggestions for additions to this listing are welcome.

However, the WayBack Machine is not guaranteed to recover all or even most of a website. In some cases, just the skeleton of the site is left, without images or downloads. Some webpages are glitch-filled and need to be fixed by the Archive staff before viewing. (Write to the staff to describe problems in recovering old sites, if the issues seem fixable.) Enjoy surfing down memory lane.

About the people who post here

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Tiny legal print

"Daria" and all related proper names and images are trademarks or copyrighted material of MTV Networks, and are used herein without its permission. This site is intended solely to celebrate and publicize these characters and their creators. No commercial benefit, nor any use beyond the "fair use" review and commentary provisions of United States copyright law and related case law, is either intended or implied. I'm not making any money off this, believe me, but I am having fun!