LOST CONVERSATIONS XIV
1. WHERE WE FIND OUT WHAT KAYLEE, SIMON, AND RIVER WERE DOING DURING THE PARTY IN “Our Mrs. Reynolds”
INT. SERENITY, DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Simon and River sit at the table playing a futuristic version of “Go Fish”, with the cards having symbols like stars, moons, spaceships, etc.
SIMON
Do you have any stars?
RIVER
No stars.
Simon picks a card from the deck on the table, looks at it, no match, so adds it to his hand.
RIVER (CONT’D)
Do you have any moons?
SIMON
Yes, two moons.
He hands them over to her and she places them plus one from her hand down on the table.
SIMON (CONT’D)
Do you have any spaceships?
RIVER
No, sorry.
He grins at her and then picks from the deck, smiles and then triumphantly lays down two stars on the table.
SIMON
Ah, two stars.
RIVER
Good. Do you have any planets?
Simon looks at her for a long beat.
SIMON
Are you reading my mind?
RIVER
(grinning)
I’m just lucky. So, any planets?
He hands over a planet and she puts down three. All her cards are gone.
SIMON
You win.(beat) Again.
Kaylee enters from the Fore Hall.
KAYLEE
Hey, can I join the game?
SIMON
Sure. I was just losing. Again.
He picks up the cards and starts to shuffle as Kaylee sits opposite him, with River at the end between them. Kaylee looks at River.
KAYLEE
(gentle)
How you doing, River?
RIVER
I can hear the music. They’re dancing.
KAYLEE
(glum)
Yeah, guess the others are having all the fun.
SIMON
(flat)
Yes, all our fun takes place on Serenity.
KAYLEE
Sorry guys. Capt’n afraid someone know who you are. And after what happened on Jiangyin...
SIMON
No, he’s right. We need to be more careful around strangers. (beat) How come you don’t go to the party Kaylee? We’ll be OK.
RIVER
Someone’s got to look after the boat.
Kaylee turns to her in amazement.
KAYLEE
That’s just what I was gonna say!
Simon gives River an odd look.
RIVER
What? That’s what she’s doing, right?
KAYLEE
Right.
SIMON
Right. (beat) Ah, so, Kaylee, now that we’ve got you alone, maybe you can answer some questions been on my, our, minds.
KAYLEE
Sure. Shoot.
SIMON
Well, exactly how did you and the others join Serenity?
Kaylee blushes, sits back.
KAYLEE
Oh, not much to tell. They set down on my home world, moon called Taos, asked for some help and I fixed the engine. Capt’n offered me a job. Been here since.
SIMON
Didn’t they already have a mechanic?
KAYLEE
Yeah...Capt’n fired him when he hired me.
SIMON
Oh. (beat) Why?
RIVER
Because she’s better than him.
KAYLEE
Ah, yeah, that’s mostly why. I guess.
SIMON
OK. So, how long have you been here. On board. Serenity.
KAYLEE
Be almost three years soon.
SIMON
How about the others?
KAYLEE
Let’s see. Capt’n bought Serenity soon after the war and Zoe joined him almost immediately but don’t know exactly when. Then they got Bester - that was the first mechanic - and then they hired Wash. Or maybe Wash was hired first. Don’t really know. Yeah, there was just the four of them when I joined. Well, then Bester got fired. I think there were a few others along the way but I never met them and they don’t talk much about them. Didn’t stay long.
SIMON
(slight sarcasm)
Yes, surprising no one would want to stay under the employ of Malcolm Reynolds for very long.
KAYLEE
He ain’t that bad.
RIVER
Saved our lives.
SIMON
Yes, I know, and I’m grateful, but...he’s a difficult man.
KAYLEE
Has his moments, that’s for sure.
SIMON
How about Jayne and Inara?
KAYLEE
Oh, Jayne came on about 18 months ago and Inara, let’s see, just eight or nine months ago, yeah. She’s the newest, ‘sides you and Book.
SIMON
How did Jayne join the ship?
KAYLEE
Oh, he tried to kill the Capt’n and Zoe.
SIMON
(shocked)
What?
KAYLEE
Yeah, Capt’n talked him into joining our crew.
RIVER
Offered him more money.
KAYLEE
(looking at her in wonder)
Yeah. And a room of his own. River, how...
SIMON
(interrupting)
Of course Jayne would switch sides for money.
KAYLEE
Yeah, guess that’s mostly what he’s interested in.
SIMON
Ah, who's older, Jayne or the captain?
KAYLEE
Don’t know exactly, but guess Jayne is.
RIVER
(certain)
He is.
SIMON
I’d guess so, too. (beat) Zoe seems very...reserved.
KAYLEE
Oh, she’s a good person, just not very open. Don’t know much about her except she was in the war with the Capt’n.
RIVER
Serenity Valley.
SIMON
They surrendered there, didn’t they?
KAYLEE
Yeah, spent time in a prison camp.
SIMON
Were Wash and Zoe married when you came on board?
KAYLEE
No, they were dating...secretly.
SIMON
Secretly?
RIVER
Doesn’t like shipboard romances.
KAYLEE
(to River, amazed)
Yeah, you’re right. Capt’n says shipboard romances complicate things.
She looks to Simon but then blushes and looks away when he stares at her and smiles. Simon blushes, too.
SIMON
Ah, yes, complications...living so close..to each other.
He keeps looking at Kaylee again but she looks down at the cards in front of her, picks them up. Then she looks at Simon suddenly, her eyes boring into him.
KAYLEE
But Zoe set him straight. Told him her love life was none of his business.
SIMON
Yes. A person’s love life certainly isn’t the captain’s business.
Simon and Kaylee hold the look on each other. River looks between the two, smiles. Finally Kaylee can’t stand his gaze any longer, turns very red and looks at her cards.
KAYLEE
(tremble in voice)
Thought...thought...we were playing cards.
SIMON
(gulping)
Oh, yes, yes, cards. Ah, River, got any stars?
2. WHERE THE CREW HAS BREAKFAST BEFORE THE BIG FIGHT IN “Heart of Gold”
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Kaylee, Book, Wash, and Zoe eat breakfast at a big table covered in food, bread, jam, cheese, fried eggs, coffee, tea, etc.
BOOK
Nice of them to give us such a splendid breakfast.
KAYLEE
Nice having real eggs.
WASH
The powdery kind get kind of boring after a while.
ZOE
More like disgusting.
BOOK
Eat hearty. Big day ahead of us.
WASH
The last...breakfast?
KAYLEE
Don’t even say that!
ZOE
Let’s just make sure it ain’t.
WASH
Where’s Jayne? He’d love all this food.
BOOK
Still spending our pay, I’d venture.
They look to him shocked.
BOOK (CONT’D)
What? I’m a Shepherd, but I’m also human. I understand his...needs.
Just then Mal enters, his face a mass of confusion after his encounter with Inara outside Nandi’s bedroom.
KAYLEE
Morning Capt’n!
He sits.
MAL
(flat)
Morning.
ZOE
Sir? Everything, OK?
MAL
Ah, yeah. Coffee on?
KAYLEE
I’ll get it.
She gets up and starts to make a cup for Mal.
MAL
Thanks, little Kaylee. (beat) Everything ready?
BOOK
As can be.
MAL
The baby?
WASH
Not yet.
Just then Simon enters, dishevelled and tired looking, and almost collides with Kaylee as she turns with Mal’s coffee.
SIMON
Oh, sorry, Kaylee!
KAYLEE
It’s OK, nothing spilled.
SIMON
There’s coffee?
WASH
Yes, and it’s real.
Kaylee hands Simon the cup.
KAYLEE
Here you go.
SIMON
Thanks.
And he sips and smiles at her as Mal gives her a look of “what about me”
KAYLEE
Coming right up.
She smiles and turns to get Mal some coffee.
ZOE
How’s the baby?
SIMON
Good. Coming soon.
WASH
You’ve been up all night?
SIMON
Yes. River and Inara, too. Did you get some sleep?
ZOE
(looking at Wash, smiling)
Some.
WASH
A little. You know, day before a big battle and all.
BOOK
Slept like a log. Capt’n?
MAL
(a little too loud)
Yeah, me too. Got lots of shut eye.
They all look at him
SIMON
Ah, that’s good.
Kaylee hands Mal his coffee and he drinks.
KAYLEE
Me, too. Slept fine. (beat) Just me...alone.
Looks at Simon as she says this last as everyone else looks at the two, knowing why Kaylee said this.
SIMON
(bit flustered)
Good. That’s good. (beat) I mean, that you, ah, everyone, slept...some.
Inara enters.
INARA
Simon, I think its time, the head is crowning.
Simon puts down his cup. Inara looks at Mal and he looks away.
SIMON
Oh, good, ah, let’s go, I still need your help.
KAYLEE
Good luck.
He turns and looks at her and then the others.
SIMON
Yes, you, too. (to Kaylee) Be careful.
MAL
Don’t worry, Doc. She’ll be in the engine room on Serenity, far from the flying bullets.
SIMON
Good. (beat) Have to go...baby’s coming.
KAYLEE
(small voice)
Bye.
He exits, Kaylee looking at him forlornly. Inara lingers looks at Mal.
INARA
Be careful.
MAL
Always am.
INARA
Don’t do....nevermind.
And she turns quickly and is gone. Silence except for Mal sipping is coffee. He turns and sees everyone looking at him.
MAL
What? (beat) Ok. Let’s go over this plan one more time. And somebody wake Jayne the hell up.
3. WHERE MAL TELLS JAYNE THE RULES OF THE SHIP WHEN HE FIRST JOINS SERENITY IN “Out of Gas”
EXT. DESERT, OUTSIDE SERENITY CARGO BAY - DAY
Jayne and Mal walk on the ship, as Zoe stands at the top of the ramp, weapon drawn. Jayne has a heavy duffel bag over his shoulder. Behind on the ground lays Jayne’s former boss, MARCO, with the other man mending his leg.
MARCO
Jayne Cobb! You ain’t seen the last of me!
Jayne takes out his pistol and turns back, points it at Marco.
JAYNE
How’s about I ends you right now, little man? Huh?
Marco and the other man cower in fear.
MARCO
OK, OK Jayne, no need to get mean. You go your way, we’ll go ours.
Jayne spits.
JAYNE
Damn straight. I ever see two a you again, be the last thing you ever see.
Mal stands by and looks at Zoe who has a “why did you hire this nut’ look to which Mal shrugs.
INT. CARGO BAY - DAY
They walk into the ship as Zoe closes the doors, hits the intercom. Nearby are several crates of cargo.
ZOE
Wash! Get us out of here.
Jayne put down his duffel bag which gives off a metallic CLANK. Mal and Zoe both look at it.
JAYNE
Wash? Who’s Wash?
MAL
Pilot.
ZOE
And my husband.
Jayne grins.
JAYNE
Oh, yeah?
MAL
This is Zoe, first mate on Serenity.
Jayne offers his hand which Zoe slowly shakes.
JAYNE
Nice to meet ya.
ZOE
Ah, yeah...likewise.
JAYNE
Any other fine ladies on this ship?
Just then Kaylee comes down the stairs and stops short when she sees Jayne. He gives a big grin.
JAYNE (CONT’D)
Now that’s what I’m talking about. Howdy!
Kaylee looks truly surprised at this.
KAYLEE
Howdy...?
Mal looks at Jayne, getting madder by the second.
MAL
Think you and me need to have a discussion on the rules of this here ship.
JAYNE
(surprised)
What... rules? You didn’t say nothing about no rules?
Mal looks at Zoe and then at Kaylee.
ZOE
Come on Kaylee, you can meet the big lug later.
JAYNE
Kaylee? That sure is a pretty name!
KAYLEE
(confused)
Ah...thanks.
Zoe reaches her and starts to take her upstairs.
JAYNE
She’s mighty fine.
MAL
Yeah, she is...
And then Zoe and Kaylee are gone and Mal grabs Jayne, spins him, and SLUGS him and down he goes, stunned.
Mal grabs him by the shirt front, rips out Jayne’s pistol and tosses it aside.
MAL (CONT’D)
Rule number 1! No fratinizing with the crew!
JAYNE
(confused, stunned)
Frant....
MAL
“Screwing” to you dummy!
JAYNE
Now you done it, ain’t no one calls me dummy and lives.
Jayne tries to get up but Mal pulls his own pistol and puts it in his face.
MAL
Rule number 2! I’m captain of this ship and take orders from no one, ?
JAYNE
(scared)
Yeah, yeah, you’re the boss...captain!
MAL
Rule number 3! You do your share of the work, chores, even washing the dishes and flushing the septic system!
JAYNE
Ah, no way...
Gun is in his face.
JAYNE (CONT’D)
OK, OK...jeeze...
MAL
Rule number 4!
JAYNE
Jeeze, how many is there?
MAL
Last one. Rule number 4! You go on every job, you do as I say. That means no unnecessary killing. We’re thieves, not murderers.
JAYNE
But some folks deserve to die!
MAL
Jayne, I ain’t got a very forgiving soul. Seen too much blood spilled to play games with you. You ever screw up or betray me or any of my crew like you just did to Marco, you best make sure you kill me first. Don’t leave me to limp around with a hole in my leg. Cause I will find you.
Jayne is shocked into silence. Slowly Mal lets him get up. Jayne rubs his jaw.
JAYNE
Ain’t no one talked to me that way since my father.
MAL
You’re welcome on my ship. Just follow the rules.
JAYNE
Rules, I hate ‘em.
MAL
Not asking you to like ‘em, just follow ‘em.
Jayne thinks long, reaches his pistol, picks it up, holsters it, Mal wary of him.
JAYNE
Alright. We do jobs and I gets paid, I’m always happy. I’ll steer clear of the women long as we stop somewhere once in a while I can get some trim. And I’ll do my share of the chores.
MAL
Seems we got us an understanding. Let me show you your bunk.
Mal holsters his pistol. Jayne lifts his heavy bag and again it clinks.
MAL (CONT’D)
What the hell you got in there?
JAYNE
Just my guns. Oh, and a few knives.
Mal just looks at him like he’s crazy.
MAL
A bag full of guns..and knives?
Jayne shrugs.
JAYNE
I got lots of enemies.
MAL
Really?

Hahaha I love the last oneXD
And the one for Heart Of Gold was great! I think it would be cool to see one after the battle, when they're on Serenity and have to let the bad guys that Wash and Kaylee locked up out:D I don't know if you've already done that, but it's just an idea(((:

MAL

Don’t worry, Doc. She’ll be in the engine room on Serenity, far from the flying bullets.
^^^^ I like the irony here, it made me giggleXD

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