1) woman in trendy ice-cream shop wearing pajama bottoms with ralph lauren polo player logos all over them. trying to impress the guy that joined her (brown hair longish, bandanna on his head, gold wire rimmed glasses) by making fun of me for nodding to the funky rap music that was getting blasted over our heads, prompting me to say to my boyfriend "Bob! I sure wish I wore my designer pajamas today!"

Ack.

Then, as I was going to work and headed up the stairs of the subway, a heavy, sticky honeysuckle scent came down, which I realized was not the actual plant but the perfume of the bright-red-from-head to toe-wearing, hideously blondined woman ahead of me.

My eyes focused on her boots, which were like the heavy duty biker/engineer boots that are being knocked off by designers now for a lot more money, except they had the straps and ring along with a wobbly kitten heel and a fringed tassel on the outside edge of each foot, AND were too short to be the real thing -- neither knee nor ankle length but that very unflattering in between length.

And what looked to be cheap fake leather because they were very thick and had huge wrinkles swarming in every direction all over it. the topper was when she got to my building, plopped herself on a ledge outside, and started blowing out puffs of smoke between her very red lips with an arrogant air, and showing her badly cropped, bleach damaged, black at the roots boy crop hair.

i am reporting myself. when i'm in a time pinch i usually just don't care at all what i'm wearing but this was horrible, even for me.

get your mental eyeballs ready for a fright site. ready? ok...

bright green terry fleece track pants, the low-waisted fitted kind, with one back pocket and white piping down the sides. white shirt with navy raglan sleeves and an unknown band logo. sweater hoodie of red, blue and grey stripes. black fun fur winter coat with huge hairy collar. tan sandals with the toe thingy, you know the kind, that neccesitated red yellow orange and blue toe socks that only have one toe pocket for the big toe. in hot pink, the toe pocket that is. i don't even know what to call that outfit. what can i say? i was in a big hurry and it was colder out than i thought. i layered up in what was handy. AND not only was i out in public in this get up, i had to stop by my work (at the BANK!!!) to pick up something that i forgot. yes, the bank manager and my co-workers saw me, yes, they think that i am a lunatic. so do i.