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Thursday, February 28, 2013

Not Angels

Invariably, when I am working, there comes The Child, the one who is demon-spawn sent with the sole purpose to cause havoc and mayhem. And The Child inevitably comes with The Mother, you know the one who insists that the havoc causing imp is an angel. You know what I'm talking about. You may be shaking your head at my candid honesty, but deep down, you know. But some of these mothers really don't seem to know. I understand that your child is the apple of your eye, and I'm not saying that it should be otherwise, but really, kids do need to behave in public. And I'm not talking about the occasional hissy-fit, crying binge that we all hear from time-to-time. That's normal and a part of parenting and we have all been there (all of us parents at least.) I am talking about true, beyond needing-a-nap badness. Kids who aren't taught to behave in public don't grow up to be adults who behave in public. Also, if you want everybody to dote on your child, they need to not be holy terrors bent on world destruction. People don't like that. But some of you truly do seem to be clueless, so here is a little list of things that I have actually witnessed as a cashier.

If your child grabs the order dividers and tries to hit everybody within reach, she is not an angel.

If your child wants a piece of candy, and puts it in his pocket, and then kicks you in your shins when you make him take the candy out, he is not an angel.

If your child turns around and screams to the person next in line "Get away from me! I don't want you here!" she is not an angel.

If your child gets into the Cadbury eggs and bites them through the foil and them puts them back while no one is looking, he is not an angel.

If your child says "I'm going to pee on the floor if you don't buy me that" and then actually pees on the floor, she is not an angel, and I'm bringing you the mop.

If your child tries to bite someone else's kid because their mom bought ice cream and you didn't, he is not an angel.

If your child picks her nose and tries to wipe it on the checkstand, she is not an angel, and again, you get to clean it up. I am not in the daycare profession for many reasons, and that's one of them. I don't like pee and boogers.

If your child is climbing up the magazine racks and bellowing at the top of his lungs, he is not an angel. He's in training to be the next Godzilla. Good luck with that.

The thing is, all kids have bad days, so I am not talking about tears and sobs. I am talking true issues here. Your kids can't be hitting and kicking and climbing and peeing and biting. People don't look at them with adoring eyes, they look at them with "This is why I'm never having kids" eyes. No one wants to deal with this, least of all me, your happy little cashier. I'm not so cheerful when some kid has pissed all over my lane, or tore my magazine rack all to hell. Not cool, and not angelic behavior.