Parental Alienation, wherein a child no longer wants to see a once loved parent due to the influence of the other parent, is not the only reason that a child might not want to see that parent.

When parents are abusive, neglectful, frightening, etc., these behaviors on the part of that parent can also cause a child to not want to see them. This is not Parental Alienation of the kind often referred to as Parental Alienation. Therefore, when a parent has been abusive to their child to the degree that the child no longer wants to see them, this is not Parental Alienation.

Parental Alienation should never be given as a diagnosis, when domestic violence is present.

Unfortunately, Parental Alienation is now being inappropriately used as a shield to hide a parent's abusive behavior.

This misapplication of Parental Alienation is a great disservice to the families where this is occurring, and is dangerous to the children. With this being said, we should also be reminded that it takes a significant amount of abuse from a parent, for that child to become estranged from them.

All of the research on domestic violence is consistent in saying that before reaching the point of becoming estranged from a parent, due to that parents behavior, that children will attempt to contort themselves and their behavior to get into the good graces of that abusive parent, in the hopes of them no longer acting this way.

Therefore, it is typically only where there has been a great deal of abuse, that a child will want nothing to do with that parent. Small slights and parental missteps simply will not alienate a child from a parent.

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It is not only outright abuse that self alienates a parent, it is also if they just have contact to spite the pwc and then mostly don’t bother to turn up for their contact and if they do just put their child on the PlayStation and ignore them, said child will not want to bother with the nrp then. they self alienate that way too.

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Steph hunter

4/19/2018 02:17:14 pm

So pleased to read something sensible. This is being misused by abusive men. Men who have been abusive, assaulted their children and ex partners. Verbally abused them and frightened. These actions as thus author said alienate themselves

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Mark Dockarty

10/1/2018 11:20:37 am

‪I don't think merely "not wanting to see a parent" is what most PAS-affected children exhibit. It is usually an absolute refusal to respond to any and all communications from all members of that side of their family for years (or at least from the 'targeted' parent) hiding of their email and residential addresses, etc.‬ Very unlikely that any past "abuse" can "cause" this sort of behavior. (Just ask foster-parents about this).

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Richard Burton

2/5/2019 09:55:18 pm

It is no more true to say "parental alienation should never be given as a diagnosis when domestic violence is present", than it is to say that "domestic violence should never be given as a diagnosis when parental alienation is present". Quite apart from the paradox that parental alienation is itself domestic violence, and moreover one of the worst possible forms of domestic abuse (chronic psychological abuse), being able to determine which form the abuse takes is pivotal to achieving no wrong diagnoses. Mark Dockarty has already pointed out that there is a great deal more to behaviors of parentally-alienated children than "not wanting to see a parent". These are the factors that should steer a diagnosis by a psychologist. What happens now is that unreliable anecdotal evidence of supposed domestic violence steers judges and mediators (who lack psychological awareness of these issues) to alarm by using emotionally inflamed fearmongering to colossally inflate the supposed risk of supposedly repeat domestic violence. No advocate of protection from parental alienation fails to acknowledge that other forms of domestic violence do occur and are a possibility. By not even acknowledging the serious harm parental alienation causes, neither Steph nor Katrina persuade me that they have any spectrum of understanding of these issues.

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J. Michael Bone, PhD.

Dr. Bone is an experienced consultant for cases involving Parental Alienation and has spent over 25 years working with high conflict divorce as a therapist, expert witness, mediator, evaluator and consultant, both nationally and internationally.