I'll be honest, I totally forgot that I had signed up to post this shit today. Having just flown from Boston at 5 a.m., I'll do what I can to make this at least somewhat entertaining for the seven of you that still come back to this place for whatever reason. Don't give me that "I come back for all the awesome people!" bullshit. The days of numerous interesting, entertaining, and downright disgusting (I'm looking at you, ShinigamiNekko) avatars trolling through our newsfeeds are over. I mean, fuck, 90% of the reason I even come back on here is to stare at boobs posted by chilidogg. That guy might not be the most talented writer that has graced our website, but there's no doubt that he has a keen eye for plastic bags packed under flesh. It's only fitting that his avatar is that of a wiener. At least he's consistent, which is something we unfortunately can't say for everyone who's been on here. Why, I'm feeling sort of blue all of a sudden at the thought....

I'm starting to get a bit off topic, so why don't we get to those who volunteered themselves as tribute?

I'd like to start off by giving my thanks to DOJNDO for hosting this little event for the handful of people that'll actually care to read it. You did a fantastic job on the last roast you hosted, but holy fuck did you make one huge blunder for this one. What was that blunder?

Wanting to roast Lost_In_Translation. Don't get me wrong, I get the appeal......

BUT HOLY FUCK WHY ARE WE TRYING TO ROAST THE MOST BORING PERSON ON MYIGN?? THERE'S PRACTICALLY NOTHING TO GO OFF OF. HOW YOU GO FROM ANGRYMRBUNGLE TO FREAKING TOM IS BEYOND ME. IT'S LIKE GOING FROM ROASTING A PLUMP PIG TO ROASTING A CAT. WHO THE FUCK ROASTS A CAT? DO ASIANS EVEN DO THAT SHIT? WHERE'S SHINJITAKEYAMA TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION FOR ME.

That large oversight aside, I'm fairly certain our clearly over-eager roaster BullToad will do his best to make this a fun roast for all. Only problem is that his best often ends up being ignored. Don't feel too bad about that though, his jokes would make anyone croak.

Truth be told, I don't really know much about who Thabass is. All that comes to my mind when I read that name is "The Bass," and then I imagine him dressed up as Nikki Minaj attempting to twerk to Anaconda. For some reason I get the impression that it kinda looks like this:

Is that weird? I feel like LeCambrioleur should know. A pretentious Brit like him certainly knows the line between "artistic" and "weird," right? Then again, I'm not quite sure I can trust the judgment of someone who calls themselves "The Burglar" in French. Perhaps I shouldn't seek advice from someone who aspires to be associated with concepts like this:

Now then, enough of the side-dishes, right? On to our main course!

Lost_In_Translation, or Tom, has been the rock of MyIGN. He's one of the first users you'll meet when you first join in this cesspool community, he watches over user activity and does moderator stuff in the shadows, and he'll never really try to draw attention to himself. Forget Flia, Tom's more deserving of being called the Batman of MyIGN. It's a shame then that he's afraid of a smiling dildo with legs:

It's quite odd how Tom's favorite persona is the evil Scar from The Lion King, yet this picture is what drives him mad. I don't really know much about Tom's personal life, but it makes you wonder what kind of experiences he's had to have gone through for the bunchie to be such a horrible thing. I won't judge, what he's tried out during his free time is his business.

Speaking of his personal life, all I really know about him is that he oversees college applications from High School senior hopefuls. I guess screwing with kids is something he and Scar both have in common. It makes you wonder whether his rejection letters are just as punny as his VG Tourney comments. You wanna talk about scarring someone, that's one way to do it right there.

I'm afraid that's all I've got to say for this session. If you're still craving for more, hopefully the others will be able to satiate your fill. Tom, it has been an honor and a pain in the ass to have roasted you.

...and I wasn't expecting to that day, so I was caught by surprise. The day didn't go the way I thought it would at all, but that happens for better or for worse sometimes in life. It was at a Harris Teeter where I first laid my eyes on her that night. From the moment I saw her, I knew I had to pick her up. My friends kept encouraging me to, telling me I'd have a fantastic night if I did. I was determined to drive her back home with me that night. So, I walked up to her and chose her....

....right out of a Redbox.

What? You weren't thinking I was referring to something else, were you?

I've heard both professional critics and wanna-be critics declare "Her" by Spike Jonze to be a great movie; its ratings ranging between the 80-90%'s. Now I don't know about you, but I put a great deal of weight on averaged review scores such as those seen on Rotten Tomatoes. So if I see a movie in the 90% range and being touted as "Unlike anything I've seen before," you can bet your probably-lazy ass that I am going to want to see it. I mean c'mon, a movie about some dude falling in love with his computer? Even if you're not a fan of romance movies, that idea has to intrigue you to some extent. If not, well...fuck you.

Whether the premise interests you or not, I can say that you will quickly find yourself sucked in to the relationship. The movie definitely succeeds in making what seems like a clearly absurd event into something more sophisticated, and convincingly real. Let's face it, if somebody told you that they were in a relationship with their operating system, most of you would think that they have serious problems. I'm not criticizing, I would think the same too. Probably still would, actually. Granted, the operating systems in the movie are far more advanced than what we have now, but the initial response would more than likely be the same regardless. No matter how advanced the O.S. is, most of us would think it weird because an operating system isn't a real person. Even if it sounds real and acts real, it isn't a physical human being. It can't possibly exhibit genuine emotions, it's just been programed to respond in such manners. How can you have a relationship with something that isn't a real human person? With something that you can't physically be with? With something that's socially unacceptable to be involved in? These are the questions the movie addresses, and it's worth watching just to see those developments.

In a strange way, I could relate a bit to the main character. That desire to be with someone you physically can't, the connection you feel to them if only through simple verbal communication because that's all you have at that moment in time. This connection isn't something that may form only through romantic bonds, as is presented in the movie. It isn't about what's real and what's not, it's about having that sense of companionship and fulfillment you get from the connection. The "Who cares what other people think if they make you happy?" message that was sent to the audience vicariously through the main character. That's what struck a chord with me personally.

That said, the ending had me completely lost. Perhaps it's because I lack proficient knowledge about A.I. and data and all that crap, but what the fuck was that ending about? That's pretty much my only complaint.

The highlight was definitely this scene though. I can't wait for video games to get to this point:

Ever since I was a kid, I've always been a Ratchet & Clank fan. I dunno, there was just something about running around as a rat with a robotic lunchbox attached to your back, jumping all over shit and blowing things up with ridiculously over-sized guns that really appealed to me at the time. Maybe it's the southern in me that this game calls to. Or maybe I'm just that simple a person. Either way, I found myself finally having all of the Ratchet & Clank games from the Future series, and decided to binge through them all in order while I was on summer break from college. Let me break down my thoughts in brief summaries of what basically when through my mind the entire time for you:

Ratchet and Clank Future: Tools of Destruction

Ahh, nostalgia. The first PlayStation 3 game I ever owned. Playing through this brings back so much: the alien midget with a Napoleon complex; the hot, oddly human looking, kinda-sorta love interest for the rat; a shady smuggler/pirate guy with an ass of a parrot; and all of the enemies that look like they came out of a Buzz Lightyear cartoon universe. I've played through all this shit like 4 times, I wanna get to the other games already!

Ratchet and Clank Future: Quest For Booty

I've come to the conclusion that the people at Insomniac have dirty minds. I mean, c'mon. Look at that title. I can't be the only one to see a double entendre there. I know I wasn't the only person to see it based on the remarks I'd get from my friends whenever I told them I was playing this game. There is no way everyone over at Insomniac and the publishers responsible didn't notice the obvious double-meaning. Unless my friends and I are just that perverted. Shit....

Ratchet and Clank Future: A Crack in Time

The entire last game was summed up in about 5 seconds at the start of this installment. I also learn that everything that did happen in the last game was pretty much for nothing. Also, there's no carry-over from Tools of Destruction. There's like one mention of Emperor Napoleon-incarnate, and that's it. The only actual constant between these installments is the shady pirate guy. Don't get me wrong, this is still a fantastic game that I never finished until this point because I probably had better things to do at age 15 like fap, but it really doesn't feel like I'm playing "sequels" here.

Ratchet and Clank Future: Into the Nexus

Finally, I've reached the last game in the "Future" series. Will I see a bit more of a connection between these games now, culminating into this awesome send-off for the characters and worlds introduced in this series? Not really. Instead, it feels like a completely different game altogether. The first few seconds right after popping the disc into my PlayStation consist of me going "What the f*ck?!" to my television. I learn that there's going to be a Ratchet & Clank animated movie.....

.......

WHY IS THIS EVEN HERE ON THE GAME?? AND WHY DOES EVERYTHING LOOK SO DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHER GAMES?? WHY DOES IT MATCH HOW THE EFFING MOVIE LOOKS?!? OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS....

*Ahem*

So yeah. Solid game. Wasn't expecting the changes made. Probably would've been more enjoyable had I not decided to binge all of them as fast as I could. I mean, by this title I wanted to move on to binging all of the Mass Effect games. Honestly, I was disappointed by the lack of continuity. It was understood that all of the previous R&C games, while do follow a chronological order, were titles independent of each other in terms of plot events. The "Future" series attempted to set up an overarching plot between games, but they felt more like individual titles rather than anything truly connected. That might just be me though. I'd still recommend any of these titles, I just wouldn't suggest you try to play through them all at once like I did. What sounded like an awesome idea ended up with me slightly annoyed and craving change.

You know, I have yet to play Fez. I was actually introduced to it by watching the movie Indie Game on Netflix one night (great movie by the way, definitely recommend it), and while I was blown away by people such as Edward McMilen and Jonathan Blow, I was also acquainted with the creator of Fez, Phil Fish. Throughout that documentary, I saw Fish in a positive light and respected his ambition and dedication towards his project. It wasn't until after a simple Google search about the guy that I later became acquainted with his reputation, which was....not quite as positive as the movie portrayed him to be, to put it quite simply. Social media hasn't exactly been his best friend, as most recently seen with his tweets about how people who're streaming his games and making revenue off of it, people such as YouTube's own PewDiePie, owe him money.

PewDiePie is without a doubt one of the most popular YouTube content producers out there. Love him or "Want to strangle him with the wires of a Super Nintendo controller," there's no denying his popularity; nor his success, as it was revealed recently that he earns $4 million U.S. dollars annually in revenue from his YouTube channel.

Fish called sharing the content of his game on YouTube an act of piracy, unless he receives the ad revenue the channel holder makes. He equated it to someone taking a movie and uploading it all in full length onto YouTube.

Is it, though?

People watch both movies and video games, but the distinct difference between the two is that one is purely a visual experience, while the other is a hands-on experience. You need to hold a controller and play for yourself to get the full exposure of a video game. Can watching someone else play a video game and comment on it be held to the same standards as watching a movie for free on the internet? Nintendo seems to believe so, as they've announced a revenue sharing platform for "Let's Play" videos featuring their content.

There are people who have no interest in actually playing a video game for themselves; who feel fulfilled just watching someone else play it through for them. Video games do offer more than just primitive gameplay mechanics nowadays that appeal to observers, such as distinctive art designs and powerful narratives held in immersive worlds. Sometimes just watching another play through a game for you at absolutely no charge is entertaining all on its own, because of everything else a video game has to offer without you having to be the one playing the game. You still experienced a product, though you didn't play any of it yourself.

On the other hand: when I buy a movie, it's because I want to watch it. When I buy a video game, it's because I want to play it. When I'm buying a video game with my own money, I'm purchasing the right to play the content for myself. Playing the content is the primary purpose of the product. Everything else the product has to offer that can be experienced through simply watching is secondary. Or rather, it could be argued that you aren't receiving the full affect of those observable experiences because you're not the one playing the game yourself. Video games are more personal in how the player is the one interacting within the virtual world, rather than being an outsider looking in and not taking part.

The last note I'd like to jot down before I sleep is the argument of Let's Play videos acting as free advertisement/endorsement for the product. No doubt that there have been boosts in sales for some developers thanks to people watching others play a video game and wanting to try it out for themselves.

With all of these thoughts in mind, what do you think? Is Fish asking to be paid for free advertising, or is displaying everything a video game has to offer for free on the internet, minus actually playing the game and experiencing it all for yourself, a valid warrant for change?

From having bird crap constantly rain on my car as if someone gave these pigeons some laxatives to being chased angrily by a flock seagulls, I can’t really say that I have much love for birds at the moment. Add the fact that I feel like chucking my iPhone against the nearest wall every time I try to play a game of Angry Birds or Tiny Wings into the equation, and you can only imagine how highly I have “Birds” rated in my list of “Things I’d like to see strapped to a rocket ship.”

I’m exaggerating. I don’t actually hate birds, or wish to strap them to rockets and watch them freak out. That’d be kind of weird. But I do hate Flappy Birds.

If you’re having the same “What the hell is that?” reaction that I shared a few days ago when someone from my class first introduced me to it, allow me to explain: Flappy Birds is this cute little mobile game with bright, pixelated colors that’ll bring about certain nostalgia of arcade games if you’re old enough to experience it. Oh, and it’ll also drive you to the brink of insanity and frustrate you to the point where you want to…..you know, chuck your phone against a wall.

Unfortunately, I’m not exaggerating that last bit there.

There’s nothing complex about the game at all. There are no instructions, there’s no story, none of that. All you do from the moment you see the title screen is just tap. That’s it. Just tap the screen, and make it past as many obstacles as you can by tapping the screen some more and making the bird do a little hop in the air. It doesn’t get progressively more difficult as you go on, it doesn’t speed up, it doesn’t do shit. What you see is exactly what you get. If you’ve ever played the game “Helicopter,” it’s pretty much just like that in concept.

But holy f*ck is it hard.

It’s amazing how something so simple, could prove to be so goddamn difficult. It’s not unsurprising at all if someone can’t make it past even one obstacle after multiple attempts. Hell, I’ve played this game maybe 20 times now and I can’t even make it past one at times. Don’t even ask me how the hell I got my high score of 22! This game has quickly garnered notoriety as being one of the most challenging mobile games released into the market, and yet at the same time, one of the most addictive.

Perhaps it’s because each round of it is so quick to play due to the speed of losing, but the game always has you coming back for more punishment. This may sound a bit masochistic, but it’s brutally rewarding, and that just might be its biggest draw.

When I was handed the iPhone to play it for the first time, it was confusion and curiosity that compelled me to give it a try. I was like “Eh, why not? The high score is only 16. I’m going to beat that shit easily and leave my mark on his phone.”

Let’s just say that I don’t think I’ve ever died as much as I did in the span of those 2 minutes I spent trying out that game.

It’s a game of trial and error. The more you play it, the more you feel like you’re getting the hang of it. The more you get the hang of it, the further you find yourself going. Your goal of being able to make it past three obstacles in a row becomes 5, then 7; so on and so forth. It’s setting those little goals and being able to reach them against difficulty that gives the player a small dose of fulfillment. My guess is that fleeting surge of emotion is what keeps players coming back for more.