Finally, an answer to the question "How do I not die?" No, the answer is not "don't be a fat slob." Be a fat slob! Hey, you only live once—and not for long, in some cases! Just run. Run, run, run. Never stop running, from that monster, The Reaper, He Who Is Called Death.

To be slightly more specific for those of you who are "slow:" new research shows that men who stayed fit through middle age ("according to measurements of aerobic intensity on a treadmill." Pussy, I know. Do some squats, fellas. Still, we're talking about scientists, what can you do?) had a far lower risk of death than those who did not stay fit. But. But! It didn't matter if they got fat or not! From the WaPo:

But there was no association between changes in body-mass index (BMI) and risk of mortality or death from cardiovascular disease. And those who became less fit over the study period were at increased risk of death, regardless of any change in their BMI.

Yes, you're fat, but you're fit fat. You power-walked the marathon with your book club last year. Tell that to the man, when the man comes around.