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Diary of a Mad Single Woman.

Status: Single.
Current mood: Happy

People have a funny way of believing that Single = Lonely. That your life in solitude is because of the person you are and the choices you make in life. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but single doesn’t always mean lonely, just like being in a relationship doesn’t always guarantee happiness. Some of us just chose to be single. As hard as that is to grasp being single is often a choice that we make for ourselves. Not because there is anything wrong with us, because there isn’t. Sometimes we want more to life than just settling down and being everyone else.

I know, SHOCKER.

While I can’t speak for the whole single community, I can speak for myself. I choose to be single. I choose to be single not because of my emotional problems, not because I haven’t found the right person, but because I genuinely want to be single.

There I said it.

I want to be single.

Maybe I am a little selfish in my logic and I know that people go on to lead amazing lives in the family aspect. I’m just not ready to jump forward and make that big commitment. I know it may seem weird to my family and friends, but sometimes the things you want are bigger than what everyone expects you to do. By no means am I afraid of commitment. Just my commitments may not be the same standards as everyone else’s. There is so much that this world has to offer that I haven’t even made a dent in. I never want to get to a point in my life where I wished I had done things different. Where I wished I would have traveled more, wished I would have been to different places and wished I would have had more experiences. Life is too short to settle for what everyone else expects me to do. So instead I am just going to exactly want I want to do.

In the past 14 years since I have graduated high school, I have been fortunate enough to set out and do everything I loved. I have traveled the country following my favorite bands, seen a variety of different cities, failed, fell, then got back up again. Sure I may have spent more money then I should have. I may not have money to show for all the times I spent doing everything I loved, but that’s what life is about. Life is about making a big mess of things, growing up and trying again. At the end of the day looking back and smiling because you did all those great amazing things.

I know you can have your adventures with a significant other by your side. You can grow and figure things out along the way with someone that shares the same sentiments you do. I get that. Everyone is different with their dreams and if you find the person that shares the same dreams you have, that’s an amazing feeling. I just never saw my life in that light. I’ve spent so much of my life helping people clean up their mistakes that I never had time to clean my own life. I have lived in the shadows of everyone else that it was time to focus on the one important person in my life.

Myself.

I want to see the world. I want to see how people in different countries live and communicate. I want to pay off my debts and not give the burden of my debts to anyone other than myself. I want to be financially stable and still be able to enjoy my life. I want to own my own home and decorate it in the way I see pleasing. I want to be able to look at myself and say I put myself back together before anyone else had a chance too. I want to see the lights of Paris, the streets of Cuba, the culture of Argentina, all before changing diapers and having to ask for permission from someone other than myself. I want to be my own boss before anyone has a chance to tell me differently. I want to struggle, bleed, claw, and cry for my dreams and when everything comes together appreciate that everything was worth it. I want to live in a big city and get completely lost in it. I want to fall back in love with food and not feel the guilty regret of my past. More importantly I want to do things for myself without having to ask for help. Make my own mistakes, fall down, and then get back up again. Enjoy the modern wonders of life and still appreciating its deep cultured background. All of these things are everything I could only ask of myself and never ask of anyone else. My dreams, my hopes, and my desires that I could only want to come true.

Life has a funny way of changing you into someone else. With each life experience a part of you grows and changes to the person you’re suppose to be. That’s the kind of life I want to lead for the moment. You can keep your OKCupid, Tinder, speed dating. You can keep all comments about my life to yourself because at the end of the day I live with the choices I make. When I am willing and ready to make the jump from single to relationship, it will be on my terms. Until then I will continue coming and going as I damn well please.

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4 comments

This is so brilliant. Few women have the courage to step forward and say this and you’re so right- as ladies we have so many opportunities and chances today be they in our careers, travel, to do new things or meet new people.

Not only is this unnatural, as humans are pack animals and you’re most likely substituting the lack of SO with friends or family, but it’s also incredibly selfish. What you fear is the “molly homemaker/baby-maker” role dragging your dreams and ambitions into the dirt by an over-controlling male. Seems like an unrational fear that’s keeping you from experiences that could be a table for two in paris, or a carrage ride through the streets of cuba, backpacking the andies or any number of experiences that could be made 100-times better as a shared experience with someone you want to share with. Someone who shares your interests, goals, ambitions, and truely cares for your wellbeing.

SHARE THE DOPE!

Just think, theres some awesome guy out there who fits this supportive, fun, and financially capable role you need… and your selfishness means he suffers at a table for one because of your decision made from fear and pain. Theres a place for healing, theres a time for learning to love yourself, but thats not what you’re describing.