Does it count if no one sees?

Today I passed a ½ eaten box of Ferrero Roche chocolates in the lunchroom at work. Those heart-shaped hazelnuts covered with chocolate hazelnut ganache, enclosed in a delicate wafer shell, bathed in rich milk chocolate, tumbled in chopped hazelnuts and finally, wrapped individually in squares of golden foil. If I remember correctly. I may have missed something; it’s been a while since I had one.

I was alone in the lunchroom. The box was on the counter. No one would know if I would eat one.

I imagined different scenarios. Quietly unlatching the heavy plastic box with my fingers and enclosing the little golden ball in my eagerly waiting hands. Slipping out to sit under the trees and enjoy the stolen morsel, layer by layer. But then I remembered, there are windows all around and someone might be watching. So that option was out. I couldn’t let anyone see me. Plus I didn’t have enough time to enjoy it. My next weight loss patient would be coming soon.

I wondered whether I could just quickly unwrap the delectable bite and pop it into my mouth, but then I imagined someone walking in from either direction (Norterra Family Medicine or Paradise Med-Spa) and seeing me with my cheeks stuffed with the delicious chocolate ball, fingers covered in melted chocolate, the wrapper slowly floating to the floor, my lips drooling chocolate as I tried to explain my predicament.

And then I knew. Whether or not anyone would see me, I would know. I would know that I had knowingly chosen to break my “no sugar/no flour/and mostly no corn” experiment, and I imagined how I would feel.

Disappointed… Guilty… Inauthentic… Lack of integrity.

How would I be able to live with myself? And if I DID give in, and ignored the emotions, the fight inside my head would begin. You know the one… The negative self talk that says – “See? I knew you couldn’t do it for a year. Why not just give in?” Or, “You can still eat what you want, just pretend you’re not!”

But do I want that? NO!

So I smiled as I turned away from the box of chocolates, just as strong as before my imagination ran away with me. Experiment still in-tact!