"Even though [Mexican] President Fox has only been in the United States two days, today the INS said they have no way to find him." —Jay Leno

"The Senate voted to make English the national language of the United States. The vote drew protests from several immigrant groups and one governor of California." —Conan O`Brien

"Immigration is the big issue right now. Earlier today, the Senate voted to build a 370-mile fence along the Mexican border. ... Experts say a 370-mile fence is the perfect way to protect a border that is 1,900 miles long." —Conan O`Brien

"President Bush said today he has nothing but respect for Mexico and its people and he will always speak the truth to them. Here`s my question: When can we get that deal?" —Jay Leno

"President Bush said, "You can`t take millions of people with deep roots in the country and send them across the border." Really? Mexico did it." —Jay Leno

"According to this new bill that`s tied up in the Senate, illegal immigrants who can prove they`ve been here for two years would be allowed to stay. So follow the logic here. If you can prove you broke the current law for two years, you`ve protected under the new law." —Jay Leno

"They say there are something like 12 million illegal immigrants in the country right now, with another half a million coming every year. Remember in the last election when the Democrats claimed there was two Americas? Turns out one of them was Mexico." —Jay Leno

"Proponents of this amnesty program for illegal immigrants say they are willing to take on jobs American are not willing to do. You know, like come up with an immigration policy." —Jay Leno

"The liberals are saying that this guest worker program ... is really just a way to depress wages and create a permanent underclass of exploited labor. To which the president said, `And the problem is?`" —Bill Maher