TV review: "The Gates"

Thursday

I used to joke that Hollywood should reboot "Dark Shadows," the supernatural daytime drama from the '60s. No joke: "The Gates" is it.

I used to joke that Hollywood should reboot "Dark Shadows," the supernatural daytime drama from the '60s. No joke: "The Gates" is it.

The nighttime soap about vampires and werewolves lurking in suburbia is campy, cheesy and terrible in all the right ways. It's like the old "Melrose Place," but the catfights feature real fangs.

Take, for example, Claire (Rhona Mitra). She's a desperately dissatisfied housewife who also happens to be a super-sexy vampire. She doesn't want to settle for a humdrum life in a gated community - she wants to kill people and drink their blood. I think we can all relate.

Then there's Andie (Skyler Samuels), a dewy teen whose lovelorn social life is complicated because she's turning into a succubus. Her boyfriend, Brett (Colton Haynes), has his own challenges with pubescent hormones. He's a werewolf who has trouble keeping his temper in check off the high school football field.

It would be tempting to look for metaphors in these monsters trying to pass as "normal" behind white picket fences. Don't. "The Gates" is entertaining because it's mindless fun. And because it's somewhat reassuring to see that your supernatural neighbors have even bigger problems than you do.