Angry female commuters demand menstrual cycle lanes

With news that women employees are calling for monthly period leave, female cyclists are now demanding that special menstrual cycle lanes be created to make their pre-menstrual commutes less traumatic.

Campaigners have lobbied the Lord Mayor of London, Boris Johnson to ask him to consider allocating space for women on the verge of their period.

“The ride into work is bad enough,” said Marian Lipinska a regular City commuter “but when you are revving up to your period other people’s selfish behavior can get you very irritated.”

In a recent pre-menstrually aggravated incident, Ms. Lipinska was cautioned by police for wrapping her cycle-lock around the neck of a pedestrian who had objected to the speed she was travelling at.

“When I told him I was about to have a period he told me to get a life and called me a f*****g Cycle Path; it’s then that I lost my rag and decked him before being restrained by an off-duty social worker.”

Mr. Johnson has confirmed that he has received a request from campaigners to look into segregating cycle lanes into ‘menstruating’ ones, exclusively for women, and ‘non-menstruating’ ones for both sexes. Transgender cyclists will be allowed to swap lanes at will. He is now considering his response.

A spokesman for the Mayor’s Office said, “Whilst the Lord Mayor sympathises with campaigners, there are many practical and logistical issues to consider. He has however suggested that women suffering with PMT could be equipped with klaxons and red-flashing helmets as a warning to others and as an alternative to segregation. In extreme circumstances a ship's flare could be considered.”

Some male City employees have called for klaxons and helmets to be made available in the workplace for certain female colleagues if the Mayor's suggestion is taken up.