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I don’t know if it’s the post-holiday blues, a full moon, or what, but over the past couple weeks, I’ve worked with lots of people who just finished or are trying to navigate a divorce. As someone who divorced and remarried long ago, I can’t help but hurt inside when someone shares a story of love gone wrong. But way too often, it turns out the marriage was a goner not because of infidelity or abuse but money problems. In fact, a study in 2012 points out that usually the most vicious arguments in a relationship are about money, and early money arguments are a key predictor of divorce.

Though the old statistic of 50% of marriages ending in divorce is an “old wives’ tale” (OK, that’s a bad pun), it is probable that at least 1/3 of marriages will split up at some point. So before we get too happy over the fact that most marriages do stand the test of time, it still means millions of people and their children have felt the sting of divorce in their lives. With all the advances we’ve enjoyed in life over the past century, why is marriage still such a risky proposition?

As a financial planner getting involved so often on the money conversations, I really do believe the statement headlining chapter 6 of the recently released “What Your Financial Advisor Isn’t Telling You” - Your Life Partner May Be Your Worst Financial Enemy! The premise behind the chapter is that since in marriage or with a domestic partner your life matters are tied together, how the other person handles their finances can’t help but affect yours. But when we’re dating and focused on romance, prying into someone’s financial habits hits on an old taboo and is often too hot a topic to handle.

I hate to break it to those insecure lovers, but a marriage is very much a partnership in the truest business sense! Being a couple means you get both the romance and the finance, and they might not match up at all. It’s inevitable that money will take hold of your relationship and shake it up sometimes, so best to be prepared and have your eyes wide open.

I’ve seen it played out very recently with a client I’ll call Beth. She’s in her late 50’s and has one grown child. After going through a divorce a number of years ago with someone who was financially even more responsible than herself, Beth was not happy but financially pretty well set from the divorce settlement. Running her finances was new for Beth, but she reached out to unbiased financial help through her employer and got help on how to manage on her own.

But soon she met David at her health club, a very fit man younger than Beth and willing to offer her lots of attention and kindness. But David’s finances were a mess, a fact Beth only found out after their brief relationship resulted in remarriage. David quickly decided to go back to school for an advanced degree, and as Beth’s work hours went up and savings went down, the pressure built until the inevitable boiling point.

Now Beth is again on her own, only now with significantly less savings and less time to earn them back. If Beth had vetted David’s financial beliefs beforehand, a lot of arguments could have been avoided and more of her hard-won financial resources would be there for her. So how can you tell if your life partner is going to be a financial asset or a big liability?

Are You Financially Compatible? Most people struggle so hard to find someone who will love them that it seems almost too much to expect that having compatible financial habits should even count. But what love brings together, a collection’s agent can definitely rend asunder! As you’re dating, do you see signs that your partner is spending way more or less than fits the situation? Getting flowers daily might feel cool, but the resulting bill might be a debt brought into the marriage unknowingly.