Principles for Relationships from God's Word by Claudio Consuegra

The touch of love

Now it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked through a window, and saw, and there was Isaac, showing endearment to Rebekah his wife. Genesis 26:8 (NKJV)

Why is it that when we touch someone we care for their skin often feels so much softer than our own? Evidently, that extra softness is an illusion. According to Meghan Holohan,[i] a new study reveals that it is our brains rewarding us for touching other people and forming social bonds.

Much researchers has shown that being caressed has positive health benefits. For instance, premature babies touched by their mothers grow healthier thanks to their mothers’ tender caress. The question is, what benefit is there to those who do the touching? Since softness and smoothness of touch activate the reward center in the brain for the receiver, researchers wanted to know whether there were any benefits for the touch giver as well.

How did the researchers come up with their findings? The researchers examined affective touch, that is, touch that shares and elicits emotions, by pairing people in six experiments. They asked the pairs to take turns touching and being touched. One person touched the arms and forearms of the other at different speeds. Then they touched their own arms in the same way and rated the sensation of the touches. When the givers touched the receiver’s skin in a slow, gentle pace, the givers perceived the receiver’s skin as softer than their own. As the researchers explained, “When we expect to generate tactile pleasure in another person, we feel it ourselves irrespective of whether the skin is softer or not in reality.

This phenomenon, called the social softness illusion, is the same type of touch shared by intimate partners. The touch giver’s brain rewards them for touching another person by making it feel pleasurable to the giver. This increases the desire to touch another person and bolsters the relationship. Touch your spouse; it’s good for both of you and for your relationship.

Father God, may we spend more time touching and caressing each other as a way to show love and to strengthen our marriage.