I feel guilty. I admit it. Kahit paano ay tama si Senyora Domitilla. But then when I left Costa Leona, I was so sure that I just want to rebuild myself. But still, I end up being here… choosing between the two!

“Did you hear what his mother said? I’ve known Ali for years. I know how their house works. Kilalang kilala ko na siya na alam ko kung kailan siya galit, masaya, at kung anu-ano pa. I’ve been with him almost all his life. At school, vacations, and at home… You think you’d change his parents’ mind?”

Kung magkalasuglasog man ako rito ngayon, tatayo ako na parang buhay na buhay pa. I will face her with all smiles, once and for all.

I clapped my hands to praise what she just said. I cannot believe that she really is desperate too.

May punto siya roon. Pero hindi ko iyon tatanggapin. I will give everything. I will stand proud even without my memories and even without anyone’s support. Hindi ako pwedeng matalo ng paulit ulit.

“So he’s preserved you for that final day. I guess we’ll have to wait, then? I hope Ali’s allowed to marry…” nagtaas ako ng kilay.
She laughed. “And you believe that you really are married? Oh please! Men don’t marry their bitches. You deserve the sidelines. You smell like a rotten fish… act like a rotten fish. You don’t belong here…”

“And hoping it’s between the two men of Mercadejas? Kaya ba hindi ka na lang talaga nagpahinga? Talagang gumalaw ka sa mundong malapit sa kanila? Can’t you stand on your own? Build a name on your own? You’re a disgrace to the twenty first century women who are independent and achievers. You wish only to have a rich partner para mabuhay ka!”

Hindi ko na napigilan. My bottled up energy is all on my palm that I was able to slap her really hard.

Matapang kong inangat ang tingin ko sa kanya. She stopped laughing when she saw me smile. I will never back down… not right now… when it’s ending.

“Well at least I fucked him, right? E, ikaw? How many times did you fantasize about him squeezing and playing with your boobs? How many times did you got wet thinking he’d caress your thighs?”

Napawi ngiti niya sa sinabi ko.

“Countless times. Simula pa noong nakilala mo siya pero hindi kailanman nangyari. Even now that you’re so ready, he couldn’t lay a hand on you because you remain… unfuckable… And you hope he’d reserve all of him because in the end, it’s going to be you, right?”

Ali,
Thank you so much for everything. I appreciate your efforts. Maganda man ang dahilan o hindi. And I forgive you for everything I know and I don’t. So I hope we both can start a new beginning. A clean slate… in both our own lives… separately. I know you understand.
Aia

Pagkatapos kong magbihis sa pinakamalapit na bathroom ay dumiretso na ako sa loob. I have no baggage to check in so dumiretso na rin ako sa domestic flights. When I got there, the plane was already boarding. I didn’t even have the chance to sit and think about what I’m going to do when I get there.

Kahit sobrang bigat ng aking puso ay para akong nakawala sa hawla. Parang kakakalas lang ng mga posas sa akin. And I feel sad that Ali’s one of those cages I want to run away from. He’s toxic. His family is toxic to me. And I might be toxic to them as well.