I am a virgin engaged to be married to a very loving and patient man. I'm looking forward to it in many different ways. While I'm looking forward to being intimate with my future husband, though, I am also nervous.

Several years ago, I had my first and only ever pelvic exam. It was a painful experience that left me literally shaking afterward. For years after that, I didn't let anything go near that part of my body, and the thought of it filled me with anxiety. I did desire to marry though, and so I decided to get over that fear. I don't want to be any more graphic than necessary, so I will be vague here: Considering where I started from, I am extremely pleased with my progress.

So, enter my fiancee. I am excited to be marrying him, and I *want* to have sex with him. I know this. It's not just an abstract desire. He knows about my past, and we've discussed how to make sure I am comfortable and feel safe on our wedding night. We've discussed going slowly, using a lot of lube, and choosing a position where I have control. I am still a bit worried though. I will never have had anything the size of a penis inside me before, and I am worried that I will have difficulty with it. This worry is in part simply because of my virginity, but also because of my past. However, I am also wondering if my fears are unfounded. When I have worked on my anxieties, I have done so unaroused, and I have been able to get two fingers inside without too much trouble. I don't know if this is normal, though, or if I'm small. And... if I am small, is that likely to present a large problem?

So, here's a question for you guys: Is there anything else I should do in order to be ready for my wedding night? Is there anything my fiance and I should consider that would make our wedding night go more smoothly?

Sounds like you're preparing quite well. I couldn't get even one finger fully inside before the wedding night. It took 24 hours to achieve consummation, and several more days before it felt good. I say that not to worry you, just to assure you that gentle stretching over a period of time will achieve what you want.

Also, trying to stretch while unaroused is very different to stretching when your husband has turned you on. Your vagina will expand to allow for the penis and your natural lubricant, as well as other artificial lubricant, will make moving in and out easier.

Don't worry if it takes you a few days. It's not a race. You have the rest of your lives to enjoy! If it doesn't feel good immediately, keep at it. It gets better quickly. If the lube isn't feeling good, try coconut oil.

Sending you hugs and prayer. It's awesome that the two of you are talking it through. That makes all the difference. Scout around these boards a bit and you'll find lots of useful information.

We've discussed going slowly, using a lot of lube, and choosing a position where I have control

These are the three most important things you can do (well, along with discussing it with him in advance, like you've already done). I'd just really emphasize to your FH how important it is to go slow. REALLY slow the first few times. I can't emphasize that enough.

Matthew 19:26 - With God all things are possible.Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

I would also suggest getting another OB/GYN appointment at another doctor. Before they exam you, explain the issues you had with your first experience and be truthful about your anxiety.

If you had an extremely painful results from a trip to the dentist, would you NEVER go back to the dentist again? Taking care of yourself will involve an OB/GYN for many years to come, especially if you plan on having children ultimately, so avoiding them is not the right answer.

Praying for you!

GG

Saddle up your horses, we got a trail to blaze; Through the wild blue yonder, of God's amazing grace! Lets follow our leader, into the great unknown; This is a life like no other, this is the GREAT ADVENTURE!-Steven Curtis Chapman

Thank you guys for your reassurance. It's good to know that my present situation is pretty normal. That makes me feel a LOT better. I figure I'll broach the topic a week or two before our wedding, and make sure he knows it might take a few days to be comfortable for me.

@Gods Geek, am I planning to go back to an OBGYN eventually. I have heard you can get it done with sedation, which might be a good solution for me for now.

I think I'd chalk up the trauma of your first Gyn visit to it being poorly done. It's not the same, but I remember the first time I donated blood. The nurse stuck my arm and it hurt, a lot. There was a large painful bruise there for a week afterward. I thought "If this is what it's like I'm not doing that again!" Then 5 years later I decided to try again. It went well, no pain, no bruise, and I wound up giving gallons over the following years. Turns out, the first nurse made a mistake. It was a fluke, a one-off that didn't need to cause my future anxiety. I'd bet that this is your situation too.

Wanting to become like Job, as described in the Bible, the book of Job chapter 29. Hence the screen name.

My wife had exactly the same experience. You can look at some of my first posts on this forum if you want to find the story but it was very similar to yours. She said 'No-one is going there again!' and 'We'll never have sex' - kind of jokingly but I could tell she was seriously affected. In the end it was a complete non-issue. You fiance is loving a patient - excellent, then you'll be able to follow all the advice given so far: go slow, use plenty of lube, and choose a sensible position. Otherwise, don't worry if you feel nervous on the night, that's normal. Just remember the differences between the exam and the wedding night:

- You're in a romantic room, on a comfortable bed- You're with your soulmate on the happiest day of your life- You're aroused- You're going to be poked (I'm sure I could think of a better word but I'm tired!) by something warm and a bit yielding, not something cold, hard, metallic and angular. Unless there's something your fiance hasn't told you about

I was not a virgin on my wedding night, and my husband was not my first. I am envious when I read these kind of stories. They are precious to me. I will say that my first time was a position where I was "in control" (I was on top) and it was horrible. There are other positions where you can ease into things. I'm not sure what I was thinking but my first time was NOT the time to do it that way. I just say that to help you think through it a bit more. I'm not sure which positions you were considering but I would not recommend that one for your first time.

Some encouragement--my husband and I didn't have sex (intercourse) until the third night, not because it didn't work, more because we just didn't have the desire (long story, it's better now). But! We had talked about not having specific expectations for our wedding night beforehand. And I have only the sweetest, most magical memories of my wedding night. We did what we were comfortable with, and we didn't feel like failures because we hadn't set ourselves up to fail by having particular expectations.

My advice is this--your goal for your wedding night, and every night thereafter, is to joyfully and freely explore each other, savoring everything you experience. You can't fail at that! Everything will happen in time.