A Challenge to Husbands

Last night, my Band of Fathers core group discussed all-in marriage. We agreed that loving and being faithful to our wives is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children, and our children’s children.

I was one of those fortunate kids whose grandparents and parents were deeply in love with each another. As a kid, I unwittingly learned a lot about love and commitment by watching the tender ways in which my grandfather expressed his love for my grandmother. And, my Dad’s example of loving my beautiful Mom filled our home with joy and a comforting stability.

My grandparents, Lucy and Felipe Garcia.

The book of Proverbs (5:18-19) encourages men to be satisfied with their wives and to not seek satisfaction elsewhere. Our group talked about the danger of comparing our wives to other women, the old greener grass syndrome. Comparing our wives to other women — whether real, digital, or imaginary — is a root cause of dissatisfaction and disillusionment in many marriages today. Our wives certainly deserve better than that. We owe it to our wives to honor our marriage vows in thought, word, and deed.

A couple of years ago I posted a blog entitled “The Greenest Grass.” I wrote, in part: Whether we are talking about our lawns, our jobs, or our marriages, the grass will not be that much greener anywhere else. One reason the grass does appear to look greener to us at times is because we tend to value what we want more than what we have. As for me, I prefer to water my own grass and to make the place where I live, the job that I have, and my marriage the greenest and healthiest thing around. If I will be faithful to do that, then I will always live on the greenest side of the fence.

November 22, 1980

Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” I definitely found a good thing when I met and later married Cheryl. Years ago, I made a list of ten things that I want to be able to tell Cheryl from my death-bed. My little list keeps me focused and reminds me to make the kinds of choices that will enable me to keep each item on my list. Making those good choices is the fertilizer that keeps my own grass healthy and green.

At the conclusion of our time together last night, I challenged each of the men in my Band of Fathers to spend the next two weeks coming up with their own list of ten things they would like to share with their wives before they die. I can’t wait to hear what the guys come up with. I’m pretty sure that there will be many common items in each of our lists.

If you are married (or getting married), I challenge you to do the same. Prayerfully consider making your own list and then bless your wife (or fiancé) by sharing it with her. You’ll be amazed at how this simple exercise will bless your wife (or fiancé) and ensure that you always live on the greener side of the fence.

You are a wonderful husband, father and uncle!!! Thank you for everything that you do and for being a Godly influence and the man in my life that I respect, admire and adore! Your blog was wonderful! I had to laugh because Troy’s favorite lines is, “the grass is only greener over the septic tank!” Love you!!!

Hello Bro “O”,
I know I have never called you that, but it just came to mind, so I typed it.
Just like my desire to reply after reading your wonderful message.
I just wanted to share something the Lord, put on my heart many years ago. As you know I traveled a lot due to my sales position. I actually met Shanda at an airport while traveling for business about 19 years ago. This June we will have been married a beautiful 17 years. I mention that I traveled a lot, because I feel with travel comes more opportunity to stray. I know that if someone wants to be unfaithful they often times need not go further than next door.
I just want to admit that even with the great love I have for Shanda, I don’t know if I could of stayed faithful all these years in my own power. I give full credit to the Christ strength in me for keeping me pure. I am so thankful for the wisdom of God’s truth, my steadfast faith, the faithfulness my own father demonstated to my mother and the Godly men that hold me accountable to this day.
You mentioned our wives deserve our faithfulness and we owe it to them to honor our vowels. I totally agree.
But, I just want to add a little different view.
We owe it to ourselves to stay far away from the temptation and lies of gratification, pleasure and joy that Satin so desperately tells us can be found in someone else, other than our wives. I have seen the devastation and disaster that comes from men and women falling in this adultery trap.
God didn’t tell us to refrain from entering the bedroom of another woman because he wants to be a buzz-kill and make us miserable. Quite the opposite, the truth is He knows and wants what’s best for us. He tells us that the most lasting joy, the deepest love and the greatest blessings come from honoring God, our wives and ourselves by refusing to share a bed with anyone other than our bride.
When God says, “Don’t” he’s meaning Don’t hurt yourself”.
When God says, “Do not steal”, I believe he means, “Don’t rob from ourselves (nor let Satin steal) the beautiful God Ordained Blessing that is rightfully ours to enjoy and celebrate.
So, praise God for strong faithful marriages. May the Lord keep our hearts and minds clean from any impure thoughts, desires or actions. May he renew our love, admiration, respect and desire for our wives!
God’s Best!

Thanks a million, Dominic. You are exactly right. I appreciate your sharing these wise words. Thanks for setting a good example for your kids and for those around you of what a godly and healthy marriage looks like. I am grateful for your friendship and appreciate how you always encourage me.