Today In Vinny Cerrato's Radio Career

(By Preston Keres - TWP)

For the record, as someone who has on occasion sacrificed blogging quality in favor of multimedia Comcast SportsyNet checks, I don't begrudge Vinny Cerrato his multimedia radio hobbies. And I didn't listen to the entire show this morning. (Although I did hear the one guy who repeatedly called Cerrato "coach," without being corrected.) Still, some brief pieces of friendly advice.

1) Use given names. A Google news search for "Steve Jackson and Rams" yields four results. "Steven Jackson and Rams" yields 1,874 hits. I've never heard a single media member opt for the nickname in this case. But at least three times in today's opening segment, Cerrato went with "Steve."

2) Don't answer some questions. One caller insisted, repeatedly, that the Redskins should trade for Roy Williams. "Uh, I really can't comment on that," Cerrato replied, which was the proper answer. "That won't be happening," he then said, under his breath. Which, by some definitions of the word, would constitute "commenting on that."

3) Answer others. Another caller today praised the concept of inside access, and then asked a fairly straightforward question: "How does Danny feel about this loss and what kind of reaction did he have? Total access kind of stuff, not basic stuff, not the company line kind of stuff, I'm talking about total access."

After we had seen Snyder's reaction for ourselves the past two weeks, it was a natural question, one that Cerrato was in prime position to deliver, and one that would have actually provided an unrestricted look at the team. Here's Cerrato's verbatim answer. Feel free to help me find the parts about Snyder.

I think everybody was disappointed, you know, because the expectations coming in and I think because of the opportunity that you had to go 5-1, and then with the Cowboys losing and stuff, you know. So I think, uh, everybody was frustrated because it was a frustrating game, because, you know, you're moving and then you do this and then you know, a lineman catches and fumbles and they run it back 85 yards on the last play of the half. I think it was a very frustrating game, you know, and I think the fans were frustrated, and, and uh, you know. So I, I mean to me that's how I was, I was frustrated because 'All right we've finally got it moving, All right let's go,' and then 'Oop, here we go again,' you know, what else can go wrong? I mean, that's kind of, that's the kind of day it was, so I think that's how everybody reacted.

4) In terms of facts, the return referenced above was for 75 yards, and it was on the second-to-last play of the half. Although, hell, the media don't care about facts, right? That's why people have lost faith in the media. That's why we need to control the message ourselves. I trust Cerrato the EVPFFO will suitably scold Cerrato the media member at some point.

5) Anyone who has seen me on TV can attest to the fact that I'm terrible. Ditto for radio. So take this one for what it is. But by my count, Cerrato's first answer of the day involved 19 uses of "uh," 11 uses of "I mean," three throat clears, one cough, and an astounding 28 uses of "you know." I mean, uh, yeah. We know.

6) Concerning the offense, Cerrato lamented that it felt like two steps forward, one step back. (Actually, he said "it seemed like everything that, uh, you know, we'd go two steps forward, one step back, you know?") Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've always considered that phrase to connote slow, arduous, halting progress; a net gain of one step. Considering the three turnovers, seven penalties, 17 points and home loss to a winless team, I'd say it was more like one step forward, two steps back. Or possibly one step forward, one step back. Or maybe just zero steps.

7) I guess you could argue that the EVPFFO and the head coach might want to agree on the message of the day before the former begins his radio show, preventing media members from informing teammates that one of their guys just got publicly axed on the radio.

You got me Bill. I was hoping nobody would notice that. But you're right, Marcus Washington did call him Steve. I don't know to explain any of this, but as a media member, I still say protocol is Steven.

LOL, I heard the "That won't be happening" comment and thought the same thing. What a disaster that show is. Vinny also ignored about 3-4 other callers who called in to criticize Snyder and the organization. Which you would expect him to do. Which makes the whole thing even more absurd.

Poor Vinny, perhaps he was just distracted by his impending appearance at the White House. Imagine that, being distracted from your secondary job, which itself is a distraction from your primary job. That, my friends, is true multi-tasking.