Thursday, September 18, 2008

Slick and Attired: Wearing Whatever You Want

Yesterday, after viewing the Smart race video, a number of commenters seemed bothered by the fact that I was not only helmetless but that I had also failed to put on my bib shorts completely. Please note that this was simply a calculated and cunning psychological ploy. By showing up at the start line looking as though I could hardly even be bothered to finish getting dressed, I conveyed to my opponent the confidence-destroying impression that my victory was simply a given and that the race was merely a formality. Had I taken the opposite approach and shown up riding a road bike, wearing a full kit and a helmet, and with my legs glistening with embrocation, I would have been beaten before the word "go."

Also, my helmet was at the dry cleaner's.

Of course I realize my choice of attire was even more dangerous than the sum of its parts (or lack of parts), in that I was on a cyclocross bike, and had I attempted a dismount and remount I ran a very real risk of getting my bibs caught on the saddle and crashing head-first onto the pavement. But it was simply a risk I had to take. I was desperate for a win. And without the watchful eyes of USA Cycling or any other governing body upon me, I was free to pursue victory by any means necessary. Had I been offered performance-enhancing drugs prior to the event I would not have hesitated to use them. (As it happened, only recreational drugs were available, and they didn't help.) And in my defense, I think I did at least have a blinky-light on the seatpost which I used for the ride home that night. (It wasn't a "hipster cyst," but it might have been a distant cousin, the "nerd canker.")

Of course, I'm not surprised people were upset about the helmet. (Though I am surprised people thought I was wearing a messenger bag. Look at that thing--it's tiny and it's got a zipper! Unless your job is to deliver VHS tapes one at a time that would be a pretty awful messenger bag.) We live in a time when having a brake on your bike is seen as a matter of personal preference, but not wearing a helmet is considered suicidal and an affront to human decency. Which is not to say that you shouldn't wear a helmet. Obviously it's aways better to wear one than not to wear one, and you really can't go wrong putting one on. But I will say that in some sense a helmet is kind of like a yarmulke (or, if you prefer, a kippah) in that it tells the world you are a member of the Congregation of Safety. And just because you don't wear one all the time doesn't mean you don't believe in safety and should be scorned. Some of us simply choose to worship in our own way when and where we choose, as godless and wrong as it may be. (Sure, the fact that I'm not afraid to ride in traffic without a helmet yet I'm genuinely scared of going through those metal revolving doors in subway stations might mean my perception of danger is a bit skewed, but seriously--you could break a finger in one of those things!)

Moving on, once again I have been fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of free printed matter:

In this case, that matter came in the form of The Ride Journal, and it came all the way from England--a place where "Z"s are "S"es, "parts" are "bits," and Robbie Williams is still famous. It also features a truly impressive array of contributors, as you can see from the table of contents:

I honestly enjoyed this, and I'm grateful to the editors for sending it to me. In the world of bike-related content, there's "bike porn," and then there's "bike erotica." "Bike erotica" is produced by the sorts of people who look at boxes full of greasy bike parts, grow wistful, and start photographing them, and it's consumed by the sorts of people who are similarly moved by such photographs. This is definitely "bike erotica."

This journal is nicely ecumenical in its approach to cycling, but one theme that came up and made me think was that of looking good on the bike. Not looking good in the sense of looking like a Euro-pro, but rather looking good in the sense of being able to wear street clothes comfortably while riding. In particular, in "Velocouture," Patrick Barber points out that up until now in the US cycling style has been driven by sport rather than practicality, since riding here is traditionally seen as a recreational pastime and not as a means of transportation. "In a way," he writes, "thinking about cycling in street clothes requires that you shift your thinking about why you are on your bike. Instead of being in workout mode, you are in going-somewhere-but-want-to-look-good mode: to work, on a date, to the coffee shop." Ultimately, his point is that by being a normal well-dressed person on a bike instead of a peloton refugee in lycra you inspire other people to do the same and to integrate riding into their everyday lives.

I absolutely agree. But I also maintain it's not as simple as that. Sure, you don't need to dress like you're about to start a stage race just to throw a leg over a bike and ride to your friend's house. But you also shouldn't have to feel like you need to dress in "street clothes" if you'd rather ride in cycling-specific attire. Similarly, while some people may be embarrassed to ride their bikes without dressing properly, just as many people are embarrassed to ride their bikes in cycling clothes. Certainly we've all seen the new road bike owner who's got a pair of superfluous baggy shorts on over his cycling shorts because he hasn't yet come to terms with wearing lycra in public. In many ways, cycling is about losing things, and one of the most important things to lose is modesty.

In fact, as a proponent of starting our own Nation of Cyclists, I'm prepared to go so far as to say that it's not we who must shift our thinking--it's "society" that must change! Take the workplace, for example. Hey, if you're doing your job, why should you have to do things like wear pants? If you want to walk into the office directly from a training ride and marinade yourself in your chamois for a little while as you get up to speed instead of changing into your "business casual" attire you should be allowed to do that, however misguided that might be. If you want to wear your "safety kippah" all day long as you stand in front of the copier in order to show your deep commitment to safe cycling you should feel free to do so without discrimination. And if you want to wear your Speed Vest as you navigate a warren of cubicles so your colleagues can see you distributing memos at a brisk 3mph then nobody should be able to tell you to take it off.

Would you demand that the Jew shave his beard, or the Muslim shave his beard, or the the Sikh, uh, shave his beard? Certainly not! Why, then, must the cyclist be divorced from his or her sacred vestements?

I dream of a world in which the lawyer may clomp around the courtroom in SPD-SL-compatible shoes, the dentist may perform root canals while wearing a Serotta jersey, and the investment banker need never remove his Assos. (Actually, I guess these days the investment banker has all day to pedal around in his Assos.) I long for a day when muddy-faced mountain bikers can report to work while wearing Primal jerseys and CamelBaks. And I staunchly support the fixter's right to wear a hoodie at all times, even during those rare occasions when he bathes.

Just don't ever wear armwarmers with a sleeveless jersey. That's just wrong.

What about the kids, though, bikesnob? What will the kids think when they see you riding without a helmet? More importantly, what would all of us do if you contracted Traumatic Brain injury from the sidewalk, and could no longer entertain us with your wit? Helmet shmelmet. . .

Oh crap, I accidentally typed my real name after my requisite but retarded podium post. Oh well, call me John, the Dtown tag is silly anyway and ties me slightly but unnecessarily and unwantedly (?) to C.Mass, also from Denver-town (the bad part haha, sucka). I shall heretoforth use my real name as my moniker for my infrequent and uninspired blog comments.--John

Maybe it's just my strict upbringing, but wearing the safety kippah indoors always seems over the line. I personally don't wear any form of skypiece inside, but I'm really only taken aback by the helmet transgression on others. Dorky but functional out on the bike, dorky but oh so dorky in the supermarket.

We live in a time when having a brake on your bike is seen as a matter of personal preference, but not wearing a helmet is considered suicidal and an affront to human decency.

THIS.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/09/060911102200.htm

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/09/080903112034.htm

safety in numbers? I think not. Usually, I am stuck behind some fixtard who can't ride consistently through traffic or some moron on a mountain bike who decides to play with his phone while riding in traffic and wearing flip-flops.

An occasional jaunt sans helmet can be fun, as long as you don't say something stupid like, "I don't need a helmet, I don't crash" or some other lame justification.

Camp Cupboard - In a small town with the initials S.C. on the mid, left coast, there is a pizza joint that delivers videos with the pizza. How awesome is that! However, they will not pick up a sixer for you on the way.

A group of Denver cyclist have been doing fundraiser and taking donations over the last sevaral months for a non-profit space to fix your bike free and hang out with messengers. They are now opening a for-profit track shop where you can buy things and hang out with messengers.

Are you talking about Derailleur Bike Collective? I just donated a bunch of parts to them at Tour de Fat. I had my kids with me and stayed a total of about 10 minutes since the place was over-run by twenty-somethings in Halloween costumes.

The one factor that influences my bike clothing choice is distance.Sure I will ride a few blocks or a mile in street clothes. Riding 40-60 miles on a roadbike in anything but shorts with a chamois is not fun, unless you like chafing.

I live in Northern California, and I hook up with enough group rides to fill my week. There's a guy from Ohio (and I used to live in Ohio) and he is false-tanned, and barbed-wire tattooed with highlighted hair.

I've never seen him, even during the winter months when I'm longsleeved jersey'd up, thermal vested, capped, with knee warmers or embrocation cream or both! I've never seen him wear a jersey that has not had the sleeves cut off of it.

Does he wear arm warmers with his sleeveless or cutoff jerseys? Yes. Does he wear wind vests over top of his sleeveless jerseys with arm warmers? Hell yes. Does he wear long tights, obvisouly...but never a jersey with legitimate sleeving.

I don'tknow if he's worried about the undoubtedly unnattractive cyclist's tan or if he really wants to show off his wicked cool tattoos, but I'll tell you one thing...he definitely looks like a jackass.

...so wired magazine informs us that a 12yr old 7th grader has developed a "three dimensional solar cell"...

...in the kids own words...“I came up with an innovative solar cell that absorbs both visible and UV light. My project focused on finding the optimum solar cell to further increase the light absorption and efficiency and design a nanotube for light-electricity conversion efficiency.”...

...in other words, here we are, arguing about what kind of "metal music" you have to listen to, if yer fix gear has one, two or no brakes &/or a top tube pad......are girls tight pants appropriate for hipster bike guys ???......is it proper to wear a yarmulke or a helmet in the office or a store (& just what are we trying to protect if we're past 12yrs old & haven't developed important scientific data) ???......oury's or no tape ???......does "jumping the shark" even hold water anymore or has that phrase mobius strip-ed itself into jumping it's own shark......is bsnyc/rtms wrong when he thinks "Z"s are "S"es in england ???...well, yes on that point...they're "Z"eds actually......will assos attired investment bankers now grow beards like jews, muslims & sikhs to hide themselves, due to the fact that they're unemployed yet living off money made off the newly poor...

...so, when a 12yr old, 7th grader is defining important scientific breakthroughs, none of this other shit means, well, shit...

...except the armwarmers w/ sleeveless jerseys thingy...now that is not just wrong, that is one egregious fucking sin...

Instead of cyclists wearing street clothes when riding bikes, I propose that the non-cycling majority be required to wear lycra around so that cyclists do not feel self-conscious. Besides, that cutie who you have your eye on? If the back of her thighs look like she's smuggling a bag of nickels, wouldn't you want to know about it now, rather than later? Or if the guy you've had your eye on lost out in the crotch-bulge lottery, isn't that important info to know that "up front," so to speak?

I'm surprised you didn't comment on the fact that the pink bike in the artwork isn't properly secured to the bike rack its propped against. The chain is merely draped over it to provide the illusion of hipster security.

I like the whole "nation of cyclists" thing, we can use the old Lehman Brothers building as our headquarters. I can see it now, right over the Lb sign we can put a "cycle nation-no fat chicks" banner.

Not wearing the helmet puts you in the esteemed company of Gary Busey, the albino toothy actor was a huge opponent of motorcycle helmets until he fell off his parked bike and hit his head on the concrete curb, resulting in a coma. Upon awakening, he saw the light, and is now a major proponent of padded curbs.

I was accused of being too Toronto centric yesterday miscrediting the location of the freeing of Sniffy the rat, when it really happened in Vancouver, which I never heard of, and frankly, ...sounds made up.

BGW - even a 12 yr old would have gotten the fact that it was a joke. I thought 18 was legal anyway, but since you seem to be the expert on the subject, I'll take your word for it. See you at the next NAMBLA meeting!

Snob, if you're that familiar with the convergence of grind and death metal, then you should be familiar with the godfathers of the former style... Siege and Discordance Axis. Particularly their drummers, Robert Williams and Dave Witte.

My claim to fame is that one time Robert Williams did some lines of coke off of the top of one of my speaker cabinets at a show. Two years later I ran into him again and he told me that he considers himself my "surrogate musical father" and he brought me copies of all the CDs he ever played on.

Since he is grind's godfather, when you insult grind, you're technically insulting my brother.

While Robert was in Nightstick he apparently did a lot of heroin with the dudes from Morbid Angel.

Not wearing a helmet, fully aware of the possible consequences (brain damage, death) is not right or wrong. It is a choice.

Wearing a helmet because somebody told you to, and never questioning it or considering the positive aspects (sensation of wind in hair, taking a calculated risk once in a while) is just as lame as not wearing a helmet because you think it looks dumb.

To summarize, helmet or no helmet, make your choice based on what you think is best, maybe even try both!

JPB said: "Not wearing a helmet, fully aware of the possible consequences (brain damage, death) is not right or wrong. It is a choice."

Just curious: when you splat your head on the pavement, do you expect an ambulance to show up, scape you off the ground, and take you to a hospital? And who should pay for that? You make a choice, but you don't assume all the risk and cost. Perhaps the rest of society should make a choice and not bother scraping you up...

Anon 4:28 I always wear a helmet. I also have a collection of broken helmets. You can't make somebody be safe, you can only let them know what can happen if they choose not to be.

If you ride a bike at all you are already taking a big chance with your safety. To most people riding in traffic is taking your life in your hands, but we do it anyway. Do I only deserve to be scraped up off the road if I am wearing a helmet?

jpb-I always figured wearing a helmet was like wearing a seat belt. Sure there are times when I don't want to wear the seat belt-they wrinkle blouses terribly & they're uncomfortable when its -10 & you've got 5 layers of clothes and a coat on-however I always buckle up. Just like with the bike helmet.There are no gaurantees with safety but the odds can be improved.

anon 4:28 - I agree with you. Everybody makes choices. People should be free to put themselves in danger (sky diving, caving, bungee jumping, diving with sharks, blah, blah, blah...). By the same token, society should be free to make its decisions. We seem to have chosen to help people in need, regardless of their choices (drug addicts overdosing, lazy bastards on welfare, drunks in accidents...). Some people might disagree with those choices, but unfortunately, we can't decide what aspects of society we wish to support. We can't do much to force others to make good choices (or ourselves even, sometimes), but we can (attempt in vain to?) change how society responds to those bad choices. It's not fair, but then again, neither is...

...jpb...nah, i was directing it at ant1, who i first & foremost usually get along w/ fine...

...but as regards your point, i fully agree...you can't & will never be able to fully regulate safety & therefor if we're left up to our own devices, we'll usually (not always) pick a course wherein we're safe, despite whatever we wear...

Frilly - I am an advocate of seatbelts and bike helmets as I am sure that they have both saved my life at one point or another. I am not an advocate of doing what you are told. I also do not like being told I have to wear a seat belt or a bike helmet. If I don't want to wear either, that should be my choice.

BGW - that's what's great about the internet. You have no way of picking up on the subtle body language and intonation clues that make civilized discussion possible. Nor do you have the face to face aspect that usually keeps us civil. Misunderstandings quickly turn into stupid war of words. But given the forum, it's all in good fun as far as I'm concerned. If only we could have another iTOTM to focus/release our pent up anger on...

Commiecanuck: Toronto? Vancouver? If even our northern brotheren cannot keep it straight, how do you expect us geographically ignorant Ah-miricans to figure it out? Now go get your act together before we boycott your bacon.

Agreed that is the problem with the internet. And, sure, there are a couple of you, including snobby, of course, that I would love to have the chance for a face to face 'discussion'.Now I'm getting all tingly!

Dorky cycling or sports clothing can be as sexy and dark and mysterious as tight girls jeans on anorexic guys. You can even provide erotic services via email!!!I wonder if he pays more if someone poses not only in spandex but with an aerodynamic helmet and those clicky shoes

until cigarettes and cars are illegal, my vote is for freedom of choice. especially the freedom to fall off my mountain bike (in front of liz) and then say "damn unicorns and faeries and their text-messaging"

I was just wonderin' cuz Saturday when we were waiting for the podiums to start, there was this guy who started a conversation. And, I swear, it was like he had a bsnyc/frilly checklist. First, he talked about Astana, then he talked about the Gateway Cup, and then he called me a bike groupie when I showed him pics I had taken that morning! I jokingly asked him what gave me away? He says kind of smugly, well I think its obvious why you're here. And I thought, whew!, dodged that bullet cuz everybody knows that #1 its all about the racing then, Geez, these guys are hot and I want one!Then I got kind of pissed & quit talking to him. Anyhoo.

My buddy and I shared our umbrella with a couple of strangers at the ToCali this year, long story short, he's riding across America with them next summer to raise money for researching a cure for Parkinson's.

You weren't wearing a "RTMS seal-of-approval" nametag that said "Frilly", were you?

Hey Frills, Could have been Yaraslav at TdM as he was staulking you over at BKW?? Always nice to have secret admirers tho. And I so want one of those vests. And could you program it to retain you highest speed on display so you could strut around like a puffed up rooster all day at work.... Look at the back, a big 18 mph today

Riding your bike, helmet or not, will add more more years, and more healthy years, to your life.

The more people ride their bikes, helmet or not, the safer it becomes. It's already safer than driving.

When "Society" chooses to aid junkies, drunkards and helmetless riders when they get into trouble is chump change compared to when "Society" decides to bail out lending institutions and investment bankers for their short-sighted lifestyle choices.

pretty sure helmets should only be necessary if one plans to text while riding

as for riding/date/everyday attirethey make jeans with lots of stretch in them these days, personally what i wear, tight pants are legit for bicycling as long as they have a decent percentage of spandexjust have to hope your date appreciates butt sweatand to be more specific for those who want to appear more feminine, tights and a skirt is extremely practical and comfortable

ps id like to say something about denver here but cannot think of an appropriate and encompassing statement to explain my disdain for that city

I must correct a grave error in today's post: Robbie Williams is not famous in England anymore. He lost the plot, grew a beard and is now chasing UFOs in Nevada, so technically he's one of you lot now and we don't want him back.

I've been a proponent of the "mind your own damn business" movement for some time now. But Snobby does not subscribe, until now. Much like the Republican party, that has been politicizing family life for 30 years, you can't just spin around and ask people to do you what you say, not what you do.

Or that your lifestyle is a "private matter" especially when you post a public blog and connect yourself to urban bike races. At least when I don't wear a helmet I'm on my fixie so I can be sure nobody wants to act like me. But Snob was on a cross bike, the fastest growing segment of the sport. I'll bet half the guys in cat 4 races this weekend aren't sporting helmets because of this.

Once and again we find people guilty of the crimes they denounce others for. But Snob isn't a hipster, trendy show-off, he just knows what he is doing.

Welcome to MY church snob. Now, with your support, maybe we can get some of these other pious morons some faith.

Among the reasons for not wearing a helmet, "Nobody tells me what to do!" is right up there with "It messes up my hair," on the natural selection scale.

Back when Lance Never Tested Positive Armstrong was always winning the Tour, it was funny to watch all the local fashion slave roadies when the Tour was in the mountain stages. People who routinely carried their own helmets into bike shops in case they wanted to test ride a bike would be riding around in their full Git Kit except for being bare headed. They were everywhere, for about a week, then they put their hats back on.

Sometimes I just flat forget to put on a helmet. A couple of times in the last year, I've gotten halfway to work before realizing it isn't just a breezy morning, but I'm not wearing a helmet. Never have been a morning person.

Talking about oufits... i hate the families that on Sundays, take a ride all wearing their cheap sporty outfits that only wear once a month, take over the whole lane and only slow you down. Saludos from Mexico City.

I thought I lost my modesty when I moved to Japan -- public bathing, karaoke, donning a black back over my head and putting puppets on my legs to entertain the local geriatric community -- but no, no, you are right. It wasn't until I pulled on my first pair of biker shorts, (and even then, it was fine until I was photographed in them).

On occasion I have worn my tights all day. Simply got tired of changing only to change again before I went home... beside there are very comfy. Sure I got some remarks going to meeting and screening but do I care? Sometimes I ever where my helmet for a 15-20 minutes while I check my e-mail.... I could fall of the chair reading the crap that people write!

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!