Today in “LOL WUT?” news, Sony Pictures plans to remake Sabrina The Teenage Witch as a superhero movie. Yes, the Sabrina from Archie Comics and from the sitcom which ran seven seasons and starred Melissa Joan Hart and an animatronic cat. She’s going to be a superhero now in a live action film Deadline describes as “an origin story in the vein of Spider-Man, about a young girl coming to terms with her remarkable powers.” Seriously.

The film is being produced by Don Murphy and Susan Montford, who produced Academy Award Winning Best Motion PictureReal Steel. The script is being written by Andrew Barrer and Gabriel Ferrari, known for writing the script to a Zac Efron movie which hasn’t been released yet. Mark Waters (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, Mean Girls) pitched the project to Sony and may direct it, depending on his schedule.

But let’s get to the question on everyone’s mind (and by “everyone” I mean me and all my stuffed animals). Will there be a talking cat in this? WE MUST KNOW. According to Deadline, “while the tone of the movie will be edgier, they are keeping her talking black cat Salem, who here is a transformed prince creating unique love stories for Sabrina.”

Salem Saberhagen the talking cat as a transformed prince creating “edgy” love stories for a teenager? Yeah, that sounds, uh, superhero-ey. What could possibly be their reasoning for this?

Granted, this is stupid beyond words, but it’s not the first time we’re seeing this. I will submit to the court “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”. The original 1992 movie was goofy, campy, and totally disposable, hence it’s title. But then, five years later, it was “re-imagined” to be a supernatural adventure series, and, at some level, it took ITSELF SERIOUSLY. I had friends who would have SERIOUS DISCUSSIONS about the story lines. And I think it was telling that the name “Buffy” was downplayed, and she was simply called “The Slayer”. For the love of Jesus…