Sunday, October 10, 2010

This guy's life is even emptier than mine!!

This guy has a goal. Or maybe "goal" is not a good word- maybe "obsession" fits better.

He really, really wants a Volkswagen Jetta. Ok, we can't ALL want to be Rulers of the Planet, with absolute power to rise up our friends/supplicants and smite our enemies. I'm not saying that's my goal, I'm just postulating here that some of us have to set our sights a bit lower.

This guy wants a Jetta SO BAD that he's willing to take every humiliating, menial, and downright dangerous job he can find in order to raise the thousands of dollars in nickles and dimes needed to purchase one. At this point, you kind of have to wonder where this guy managed to miss Economics 101. I mean, look- unless you think that the Horatio Alger books somehow reflect real life, most ADULTS have come to a general understanding that no matter how many Lower than Minimum Wage jobs you agree to take, the costs involved in getting to those jobs, and the hours you waste at them, don't add up to a whole hell of a lot when it comes to cash. It's a zero sum game, unless you are trying to raise money for that Avatar DVD or a regular lunch from McDonald's Dollar Menu.

Our hero is on the verge of washing someone's car when he suddenly realizes that the Automobile of his Dreams ( I don't dream of automobiles, btw; not even when I'm taking a break from dreaming of smiting my enemies, which I really don't do at all, at least, not very often...) is only $15,995. Wow, thank goodness he saw that enormous poster, because if he didn't, this might have all turned out like that O.Henry short story, where the woman and her husband spend twenty years slaving away to earn the money they spent replacing a necklace made of paste. Actually, that would have been kind of funny.

Here's the awesome punchline- this guy buys not one, but TWO Volkswagen Jettas, which conveniently go well with (presumably previously car-less) two car garage, which is located in what looks to be a rather substantial suburb.

So this guy owns a house. With a two-car garage. In the suburbs.

And his dream was to buy a Jetta, which he apparently assumed must cost a huge amount of money; I mean, just check out how superawesomeamazing it is.

And realizing that he could afford to buy one without further humiliating himself, he bought two.

I have two questions: First- when he wanted to buy that house, how many part-time jobs did he take on top of his regular gig before he learned about these mysterious things called "Mortgages?"

Second- are we to presume that the jobs he is shown doing in this commercial actually netted him $32,000 in a reasonably short amount of time? If so, where do I sign up? Maybe I have this economics thing all wrong. I could dress like a hot dog if you give me a chance, I KNOW I could!