Walter, What's A Pederast: Today In New Jersey High School Sports

In the lovely burgh of Belmar, New Jersey, St. Rose High School Baseball Coach Bartholomew McInerney is in a bit of hot water. Seems the ol' ballcoach has been encouraging his players to choke up. On their privates. Then text him about it. Shudder.

The Spring Lake Heights resident is accused of offering to pay male students, ranging in age from 15 to 17, for performing sexual acts on themselves and encouraging them to send him text messages describing the act.

"In some the cases the boys were actually paid on numerous occasions for their messages,'' Gerhardt said.

Oh, come on. There's gotta be an explanation for this. Since when have coaches ever taken advantage of the boys and girls they're charged with leading? They're upstanding beacons of heterosexuality. Right attorney, Charles Uliano?

"There are health teachers who do that every day in school where they talk about various forms of sexuality,'' he said.
But he said his client did not break the law.
"Bart McInerney is a good man,'' Uliano said after court. "He did not violate the law and he's not guilty of these charges."

Oh, of course. He just wanted to talk to them about their health. These kids are lucky to have someone that cares so much. To me the more pressing question is how did someone named Bartholomew McInerney build a time machine to escape from the Wild West and commit these crimes here in 2008?