Entry #8-VERY Long☼(SORRY LOL)

So today sucked. I didn’t feel like doing much today, and my self esteem was at a low again. I swear, sometimes my self esteem just plumits for no reason… So today, i played games on my phone and watched youtube. My dad and his girlfriend left to a birthday party, im kinda glad i didn’t go. I don’t think i woulda been able to handle it. So when they left, i went and took a shower. When i got out I, ofcourse, got dressed. I didn’t have my shirt on yet and i glanced up at the mirror and stared at myself. A few seconds after, i started to cry and insulted myself. I eventually put on my shirt but continued to stare at my hideous body. I couldn’t stop crying, and i was glad my dad was gone, or he woulda bugged me on why i was taking so long in the bathroom. But yeah. I really hate my body. I really don’t understand how people can call me ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’. I just don’t see it. Then my other thoughts attacked me too, but it wasn’t much. I just thought that if i wasn’t such a weenie, i woulda been dead by now. But the little things i have is what also kept me alive, ya know? My baby brother, my puppy, and my significant other. If any of those were taken away from me, i don’t know what id do with myself. I really love all those things. My baby brother is what saved me in the beginning, it was the stupidest thing though, it makes me laugh… And my baby puppy, Pebbles, she always keeps me company, and sometimes i wanna cry about how lovable she is. Even when sometimes i get really angry and keep her away from me or put her in her cage, she always comes back to me and gives me lots of kisses or lays on my lap. She always keeps me away from that 100% loneliness. And my other, i don’t know how he can always deal with me and my major issues. I really dont. To be honest, i don’t believe in god, but sometimes i think hes tried to prove he was real to me by sending me one of his angels to make me happy. And that angel was someone names Jesus (heh-sus) lol. But idk. Everyone else would have given up on me by now, yet he hasnt. I really love him☻♥ Haha cx But back to my story about my day lol so after that, i went to my room and chilled for a little bit, then i went to clean up the kitchen and make me a snack. I wanted to settle with just two small waffles and my green tea, but i ended up giving in and ate some raviolies with chocolate milk. I hated doing it but i was hungry… I was sad, and then my love called me when i was eating. I was a bit happy cuz we happened to have had a misunderstanding earlier. We talked for a bit and i felt alot better. The thoughts are still here, but what can i do? ahaha. Welp, that’s it for now.

Kayden/Kayla

Hi... I'm Kayla/Kayden(your preference)
I'm part of the LGBT+ community(still discovering myself but my current labels are Panromantic Demisexual, and Agender), but in the closet IRL. I'm 16, and my birthday is April 4. I'm in a relationship. Depressed; Suicidal.
I like to be creative.
It's okay, I know no one has time for me.
Kik: Otaku127

One thought on “Entry #8-VERY Long☼(SORRY LOL)”

Aww, Pebbles is such a cute name for your puppy! And I’m sorry that you don’t feel like you are beautiful–sometimes it’s easy to believe that you’re not pretty–but it’s not true, because we all are. Beautiful, I mean. Hope you have a better day tomorrow, Kayla/Kayden–oh, and both names are very pretty!