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Thursday, November 1, 2012

Glitch Of A Witch Part Seven. This Thing Could Go Past Eleven!

That jelly bean guard Pat scared away had come back with enough jelly bean guards to fill a large food tray. They stood on the stairs ready to attack but Drazin was not about to let them cause him flack.

“Drazin has had enough of this candy shit. Drazin is going to use one pain in the ass to get rid of the other.”

My, the language that came from him. But Drazin did not feel things were grim. Unlike Pat who struck a pose, who he thought he was now, God only knows. Miss Priss and I just hid from view while old one eye kept whining that she was literally blue. Drazin picked up the broom Brian used and with the end he one eye abused. Yep, he jabbed her in the ass and turned her into a screaming lass.

“Ouch! You bald headed….”

The rest would really be rated R and we don’t need to go that far. Drazin just smiled as old one eye’s scream killed the jelly bean guard team. Her whining actually came in handy. Who knew it could shatter jelly bean candy?

“Damn, maybe I’ll let you live a little longer, demon.”

“Demons, gods, attacking candy, I want Anneeeee!”

“Anyone have any duct tape?”

Even Miss Priss was sick of her whining. WorqueenDan smiled as he/she came down the stairs thinking old one eye was done dining. His/her arms and gut came through the door, both that and his/her huge boobies sunk to the floor. He/she waved his/her magic liquorice stick when he/she saw us alive, not knowing how we were able to survive.

“Cyclops, you have disappointed my royal self. I will now stuff you, fluff you and sit you on a shelf.”

“Hmm Drazin thinks he has a thing for the one eyed whiner.”

“Let’s just hope he doesn’t fluff in the buff. That would be scary and rather tough.”

WorqueenDan waved his/her stick and once more we were as movable as a brick. But it was still hard to find this situation dire because his/her ass had more air than a dump truck tire. It was caught in the door way. WorqueenDan’s rump was just too big to let him move thanks to his candy tray.

“Wow sire, you could employ weight watchers for an entire decade.”

“Let me go, I need to find Annnneeee.”

WorqueenDan gave a yell and those Beer Guys came like he rang a bell. He waved his stick once more and old one eye was not able to roar. Some very sticky gum covered her face preventing her from being able to hum.

“I guess the royal thing has his perks.”

“Drazin just wonders where that gum has been?”

“Yes Demon, if it came from the bowels of that monstrosity that blue demon’s lips will never be the same.”

The Beer Guys began to push WorqueenDan, trying everything to move him, even a frying pan. It was not going well. WorqueenDan was stuck in his castle of candy hell.

“Bryan, didn’t we learn in nursery school a round peg can’t fit in a square hole?”

“He must have missed that part.”

“Probably eating to prepare for his royal graduation.”

“He was probably the stage at his graduation.”

“At least he saved on dough.”

“Which he ate.”

“The poor dough boy.”

“If you two don’t shut up and get me out of here, I’ll show you what I did to the dough boy.”

“What do you think a dough boy in stomach acid would look like, Brandon?”

“A car after this guy sat on it.”

WorqueenDan was really getting annoyed. Their banter was not being enjoyed. Although Pat gave a smirk and I have to say I was glad they were berating this jerk. Then he/she waved that stick and I guess he/she thought we could do the trick. We all started moving his/her way and the closer we got the more blinding the display.

“Drazin is going to get you fleabags for this. Not even a god can erase such memories.”

“To the great beyond we go. I hope there is no smoke monster hidden in those lumps.”

“Pat, shut up! My claws won’t even work. I would rather roll in the litter box.”

“Brandon, how come they get those big boobies and we get the rump?”

“Can you tell which is which? This guy is so plump.”

Old one eye had a look of fear the closer we got near. She was green and blue. I think she threw up in her mouth too. Before long she was lost in WorqueenDan’s belly, which shook way more than a mountain full of jelly. Drazin and Pat each grabbed a leg, if you can call it that, while Miss Priss and I tried pushing the blubber arms of this over sized rat. He/she seemed rather amused though as he/she kept looking down below. I hate to even suggest it but I think he/she liked certain parts more than a bit.

“This is getting nowhere. I need to flush you from my lair.”

WorqueenDan waved his/her stick and a hole opened up behind and in front of him/her rather slick. The Beer Guys had little choice and fell in they didn’t think it was a sin.

“The life of a ninja turtle.”

“Cowabunga!”

They were a tad off I’d say. We did not want to go back into the sewer or wherever that led from this royal bay. But we slowly drifted off toward the hole, each scratching the floor trying not to let him get his goal. Except for old one eye. She was still lost in the blubber of this girl/guy.

“Just because you can't see your holes anymore, does not mean Drazin wants to go down one.”

“That sounded bad.”

“Yeah, you might want to think before you speak, demon.”

Suddenly a shine filled the room and we expected more doom, as that hole drew near ready to suck up my little rhyming rear. Above Drazin was Betsy in a wonder woman outfit. I guess she really took the part to heart just a bit. She flew around half zombie faced and half not. She was kind of pokadot.

After a smile she gave a wave and pointed for us to go down into the black hole cave. Her magic candy whip came out and she hit WorqueenDan making him shout. Then poof, she disappeared from view and WorqueenDan grew.

“Is that even possible?”

“Honey, we blew up the already huge thing.”

The castle started to crumble as WorqueenDan let out a rumble. Actually I think it was a stomach grumble. This guy sure was not humble. He dropped his magic stick and we no longer had to perform a trick. But with the castle crashing down around us we followed the Beer Guys on their short bus. The group all jumped in the hole. I was the last to take such a stroll. As I did WorqueenDan was now the size of Godzilla stomping about. He actually gave a fee fi fo fum shout. Then his stomach expanded with even more fat and I heard old one eye cursing this cat.

“You poo playing..Anneeeee!”

Was all she had to say for as WorqueenDan let that gut expand out toward the bay, old one eye was launched through the air, flying off to God knows where. I jumped in rather quick as WorqueenDan stomped across the land declaring each candy tree he was going to lick. He was also going to take a pass at Thinkingcap, who he referred to as “the ass.”

**********************************

So King Kong Dan and Thinkingcap may end up in a fight. Both of them are surely a fright. Betsy as wonder woman too. This place is surely quite the zoo. Maybe her and Glory Dear will go have stew while WorqueenDan will suck Thinkingcap up his gazoo. Then he could fill in for the state puff marshmallow man on display and we could all be on our way. I doubt that will come to pass as down another hole goes my little rhyming ass.

83 comments:

This is amazing Pat, love this series haha! I thought that the jelly bean guard situation might turn out quite nasty but they made it through it all and... nothing rhymes with nasty damnit but you get my point cat! Awesome lyrics dude, I hope that this motley crew doesn't turn into food.

woop, mix a too tall stay fult in the mix and you are in quite the fix, Anneeee, and jelly beans are an addictive thing, i cant eat just a few of those things, glad the censors had their day, you might get public indecency at your bay

C'mon now! I'm not that fat! Now I'm going develop a weight complex! Evil cat indeed! I shoulda listened to Anne, she warned me about you, ye who flings cans of poo!

And this wouldn't be the first time I had a round with Thinking Cap!

Now that I'm so big I will crush you all! But I'm curious as why I'm king of candyland...couldn't it have been steak land or something meaty?It doesn't matter cat, you have broken the peace treaty! Now I'm gonna have to counter this with a story of my own, ye he made me so overgrown.

Be wary feline, your time is nigh!I will come up with something while I get highMy story will be rude as can beJust you wait, you'll see!

hahahaha no complex is needed to come dueFor as long as you avoid candyland it will never happen to youYou and thinkingcap will square off before the endGodzilla vs an godly assThat sounds like a win to come to passThe candy just came into playAs the witch sent us to that bayMaybe next time it will be steak landLMAO should have listened to Anne give me a handBring it onThe cat likes any exposure at his lawnRude is every more funShould be interesting to see when done

I will wait and seeWhat comes from theeYou can't harm meI will spin it around with gleeAnd old one eye will cryAnne will damn the skyAnd the cat will still standNot afraid of your shameful landSo go get highFeel like you can flyIt would help at allThere at your hall

Plumbers are expensive and most are really ugly. I think it's a job requirement.

I think they ran from the poo you left at Elsie's place. There were reports of floating "logs" in the water after the storm that appeared to have gone East from Canada. A few Pringles cans washed up on the beaches of the US shores as well. It's a conundrum that the reporters can't quite solve.

I'm glad the plumber is here replacing my hot water heater so I can take a hot shower - things are getting nasty, I feel violated!

To have my mouth closed up with gumonly makes me want to say yum!I hope it was a fruity flavorFor that is one I can savorDrazin better watch where he sticks meor I will throw his ass out to seaand when I was trapped in Dan's fat foldsI came across my lost turtle to love and holdI know we will land safely back at my own shoreto live at peace with Anne forever more =)

~hey, it's the best I could up with ~ the plumber is making a racket LOL

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About Me

Orlin the cat is the rhyming king, all kinds of entertainment and fun I bring. Pat sometimes gets a vote when he has something to say of note. But it is mostly the cat here at our mat. Pat is owned by my myself and Cassie, who is rather sassie. The two cats and Pat reside somewhere in Nova Scotia and "eh" isn't part of our chat. So here at Bush #5, you can balk, poke fun and just enjoy my hive. If you can't then find some sand from any land, pick it up off the ground and proceed to pound. See what fun I can be? So enjoy my sea where the absence of a plot is a plot and now that is all out of me.