Dear Baby | The Non-Mom-Mom

Dear Baby, I love you more than anything in the entire world. Seriously. More than anything. Sorry dad, but this happened. You’re a really close 2nd 😉

Dear Baby, I am not a soother. I know that you think I am, but that rubber thing you’re putting in and out of your mouth, that’s your soother.

Dear Baby, Why do you always seem to get hungry when I’m about to eat a meal? What’s that all about?

Dear Baby, Peek-a-boo.

Dear Baby, Thank you for vomiting in my hair. Just kidding. That wasn’t cool.

Dear Baby, I’m sorry that I keep making you eat in your diaper in your highchair. I just haven’t yet figured out how to not ruin your clothes with avocado stains.

Dear Baby, Oh, yes. Yes I do think you’re the cutest baby in the entire universe. How did you know?

Dear Baby, I promise to try and savour every moment with you.

Dear Baby, Going to bed isn’t that awful. You’re so happy when you wake up. Remember? Remember how good and refreshed you felt after your nap? No? Darn.

Dear Baby, Please let your first word be mama and not dada. Haha – I’m a jerk. It can be dada. He deserves it.

Dear Baby, If I could can the sound of your laugh and then sell it, I’d be a billionaire because it’s the cutest sound on earth.

Dear Baby, I’m sorry teething hurts so badly. The good news is that after your bottom teeth finally come through, you’ll only have to go through this 9 more times by the time you’re 3. I’m sorry, that wasn’t good news.

Dear Baby, My hair is not for pulling. I now understand why generations of moms chopped their hair off. I have no intention of doing that so please, pretty please, grab something else.

Dear Baby, No, not my nose. Ouchies.

Dear Baby, I’m sorry that I seem to add “ies” after every word I say and how you’re going to go through the first few years of life speaking oddly. You know; diapies, hungies, milkies, feetsies, etc. They are in fact, diapers, hungry, milk and feet. I’m sorry I’ve ruined you.

Dear Baby, Go the f to sleep.

Dear Baby, Why do you look exactly like your father when I’m the one who did all the work cooking you?

Dear Baby, I know I’m crying while singing my childhood favourite song to you, but it doesn’t mean that they hurt my feelings, it means that I’m still a walking hormone and the thought of you loving the things that I did is just too much to handle.

Dear Baby, Yes, you will have to love the Little Mermaid. At least until you’re old enough to decide on your own.

Dear Baby, No, you can’t put that in your mouth.

Dear Baby, You will not watch Caillou (however you say it) because dear baby, if all moms hate it, then I will not do that to myself. That sounds masochistic.

Dear Baby, Don’t grow up too fast, ok? I’m so excited for you to experience the world but I’m still enjoying your baby cuddles, baby smell and baby smile. I’m not ready. And yes, I understand that I don’t get a say in this.

Dear Baby, Please let someone other than me (ie. your father) console you and get you to sleep. Mama needs a break and daddy’s a little hurt.

Dear Baby, You’re hungry? Again? Do I look like a milk machine? Oh, I guess I do.

Dear Baby, When you’re older please forgive us our mistakes as we are growing up along with you. We just have more experience than you and we made you so until you’re 18, we get to say no when you want to do something that’s a bad idea. That’s the rule. Please forgive our mistakes along the way. We’ll forgive yours.

Dear Baby, You’re the best decision daddy and I have ever made. We love you.