Queen Actually Scheduled To Meet Paddy McGuinness.

What was thought to be a historic meeting between the Monarch and the Sinn Fein MP is actually a meeting about the possibility of a Take Me Out Royal Special, it has been revealed.

One of the contestants is said to be Prince Harry, a Royal insider claimed, ‘He’s a horny wee bugger, there’s a few kids out there that have no idea they're 75th in line for the throne. He’s ploughed through everyone, from his 1st to 5th cousins. At that stage he felt the blood line was so diluted he could shag a commoner.’

The Queen is pushing to have her husband Prince Philip as a contestant, ‘You might think that age has diminished Prince Philips lust but he is still all over her,’ continued the insider. ‘But she tired of it all. It takes seven aids to successfully lock her into the sex swing and she’d just rather watch the Inbetweeners.’ The cast of Queer As A Folk has been penned in for Prince Edwards round.

‘Of course I’m disappointed. I thought this was massive step forward for our country,’ said Martin McGuinness as he put the safety back on his Smith & Wesson double-action .45 ACP semi-automatic compact pistol. ‘What this? It’s for hunting squirrels.’