Archive for November, 2008

We celebrated Thanksgiving earlier this year, when Ms. Thaing and her B-Boy brother came to visit at the end of October. I posted previously our menu, but only today realized I never posted the pictures! It was a great meal, with great friends and even the pies (thanks Mom for sending me the pecans!) were delicious!!!

I’m learning to make lots of food from scratch here in Germany. We just don’t have foods that I considered convenience foods – i.e. premade pie crusts, pecans, canned pumpkin, much less pie plates. Thanks to my college piano teacher, I have a few more disposable pie plates that have yet to be destroyed … but I’ll have to find a long-term substitute as I make lots of pies/quiches lately!

To all my American friends and family, I pray this this Thanksgiving weekend brings you the ability to take the time to reflect on our lives and all that we have to be thankful for … good health, family, friends, and for me, a healthy pregnancy!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

B-Boy and I both celebrated birthdays at the end of October … so one pie was for him and the other was for me!

It’s normal for me to have vivid dreams. Dreams I remember. Dreams that scare the crap out of me. Dreams that inspire.

Add to that all the wonderful pregnancy hormones and the fear of being considered high-risk and well, you’ve got yourself one dreaming gal.

Last night I dreamt about some past, um, well, let’s call them ex-boyfriends. Well, one specifically. I’ve dreamt about him actually often. But maybe that’s because I’ve often wondered what ever became of him – if he became the man he wanted to be (he was known to be a bit of a player back then) and if his family was still together.

In this dream, there we are, both of us with our families. Pretending not to notice the other because of the past (we didn’t exactly end our relationship on the best of terms). And then at one point I walked straight up to him and told him how I had felt about him through the years. It was an open, honest, raw moment. I haven’t had one of those in a dream in quite some time. (In fact, I think the last time I had such a moment was after my dad died and I dreamt he and I were speaking while he was in heaven … I asked him if he could see and hear us, he had to go ask God, who of course said yes. I asked him if he would continue to be able to do so, he had to go ask God again, who again, said yes. Then I had this sensation of falling and boom! I woke up. Very surreal.)

Back to my dream last night.

So I confronted this ex of mine and told him exactly how I had felt about him through the years. I then shared that in spite of the feelings I had, I was so very thankful to be madly in love with my husband and son.

It was strange. I’ve never tried to verbalize feelings for another man other than my husband. But it’s true that I dated before Bubba Joe’s dad. And I had fun doing so. (I also had my heart trampled on quite a few times, but that was all part of the experience.)

I realized then and there just how much I truly love my husband.

I cannot imagine taking a single step in this life without him by my side.

He has seen me at my best. He’s seen me at my worst. But mostly, from day one, he’s seen through all the walls and barriers that I put up, pretending to be someone I’m not.

He’s helped me to see my gentle side as a side that is strong. And that my weaknesses can be improved upon.

He’s held me up when I fell. He’s carried me what I crumbled. He’s been my source of inspiration on so many levels. (and all this for a guy who was raised atheist … not bad, eh?)

So while I have a tendency to wonder what if about so many things in my life, I do not have regrets. Nope, I don’t regret you, my ex, for all those times we spent together. Because without you, I wouldn’t have found my BJD. And without my BJD, I wouldn’t have found me.

I haven’t been all week, but I just chalked it up to not getting enough sleep. (I tend to get anxious just before a big event – like getting cloth diapers, or visiting friends, or a big meeting …)

But nope. I’m just feeling crappy.

We were supposed to have taken the fast train yesterday out to Berlin to hang out with some amazing (newish) friends and celebrate Thanksgiving.

But nope.

We’re sitting at home, bored out of our minds. Knowing that had we taken that train, we’d be having a blast.

I asked Bubba Joe’s dad to call my high-risk doc today though – just needed to find out what to do just in case. There’s not one specific thing that has me feeling icky – I am nauseous but can eat. I feel a bit crampy sometimes too. And at both my midwife and my regular OB appointments they commented that my belly was hard (which I only later learned COULD be an indicator of preterm labor).

They (the high-risk docs office) gave him what to watch out for.

***sigh***

But I really wanted to be overwhelmed with Berlin … looking at the wide selection of english books, the sheer joy of being in Berlin, hanging out with amazing people, Bubba Joe having fun too.