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This was my curse. This was the reason for the pain. I am destined to defeat myself and to achieve the impossible. Blame it on the fire within. A fire that does not rest until it burns all logic and achieves what cannot be achieved. This is my proud Spirit taking over reality.

Was my curse also but I found a better way which is to increase my intelligence to a super level so I do not have to free myself and if I don't reach that level of intellect I will resort back to the curse for 1000 years of misery. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HjDyPJZ_RNM

Hm, maybe it's not a matter of conflict, to defeat yourself. I cannot know what the "fire within" you mention means. But sometimes...taking a dive right into the pain helps. Kinda like some scientists who claim that falling into a black hole can lead to an alternate universe. In my case, that was what happened. I dived into the dark pit, and emerged at a better place. It's like a black maze, and only the strong and determined find the way out. All i know is that....there is always a way. If our current strategy doesn't work and it makes us kick nails alla time, then perhaps we should stop trying to break a wall by banging our ehad on it. Maybe there's a hidden door just some steps away

Hm, maybe it's not a matter of conflict, to defeat yourself. I cannot know what the "fire within" you mention means. But sometimes...taking a dive right into the pain helps. Kinda like some scientists who claim that falling into a black hole can lead to an alternate universe. In my case, that was what happened. I dived into the dark pit, and emerged at a better place. It's like a black maze, and only the strong and determined find the way out. All i know is that....there is always a way. If our current strategy doesn't work and it makes us kick nails alla time, then perhaps we should stop trying to break a wall by banging our ehad on it. Maybe there's a hidden door just some steps away

"Defeat myself" means letting go of the inner shadows that keep me from being my full potential. "The fire within" is the inner energy, spiritual energy I guess which is "struggling" to gain back its pure consciousness which is still under the current shadows, not only of my life, but of the world itself. Yes, diving inside helps, but its also tiering sometimes.

Is the curse breakable? For I have done primary and secondary research of those who choose this path but I haven't found anyone that broke it. This pain is insane. What is your gain?

I do believe its breakable. I believe inner consciousness is what plays the role as both the cage and the key out of it. I believe we will get there eventually, but the process itself is painful. One day we get tired of the pain and break out from it. At least pain brings us closer to the consciousness that may set us free.

Intention is the first thing I believe: The intention to find this inner peace, freedom and happiness. Then later, when the process of change and growth comes, at least you know the reason behind it. At least you know where you are going and that keeps you moving there. So we suffer still, but we know we can make it worth in the end.

Hello embracing the pain is definitely the way to go. It saves a lot of bangs on the head and I got a few to show for it.
She been impossible usually means some kind of big goal. Many indigo's always have a big goal. I think we need to learn to be content with being part of the stream that wears away at the edges of the shore. As big impossible goals are usually achieved overtime and buy more than one

Hello embracing the pain is definitely the way to go. It saves a lot of bangs on the head and I got a few to show for it.
Achieving the impossible usually means some kind of big goal. Many indigo's always have a big goal. I think we need to learn to be content with being part of the stream that wears away at the edges of the shore. As big impossible goals are usually achieved overtime and buy more than one.
Not sure what the specific curse is here

I think you are right when you say that it is good to learn to flow with life as it is.
I do not mean to change the world. The world IS changing; it does not matter if we believe it or not, it does not matter if we change along with it or not; its simply happening. My goal is not to change the world, it will change and thousands or millions of people will create that new reality, not just one.
But when it comes to my own life... Thats when I believe I can achieve the life I want and the life that some refuse to take as real or possible. Specially when you are surrounded by negative people who think everything is impossible, we are doomed and going to hell. What if not? What if we arent that bad? What if I know that consciousness creates reality for us and for others? What if I dream about creating an extraordinary and full life for myself? I believe this is possible, some people think its delusional. But I believe that it should be a natural thing. Its our shadows which keep us inside the hole. But what if, one day, we could really let go of these inner shadows and embrace our full potential? Yes, sounds delusional. However, some people have already achieved more than society believes possible. This says a lot about our inner potential.

I was taught not to believe in myself. I was taught self-love and self-trust were egotistical. I grew up un-balanced, blocked and in pain because of this. Now im re-learning...

A big goal is both the curse and the blessing: I think I was always ambitious in different ways. If I hadnt been ambitious, then my awakening process would likely not have started and my life would be so much different. My ambition triggered my inner growth which has caused pain. But then, maybe this same ambition is what keeps me moving to the place I want to be in. So, in the end, the curse may become a blessing, as eventually you will experience a full life. This is also good for the Soul, as the Soul wishes to experience itself in freedom and full potential and a "shadow life" can be too limiting for any Soul expression. A Soul wants to be free, but the shadow mind perceives this idea to be impossible... So, the struggle begins

I understand but are you happy? What is the point in achieving such a goal if your hurting? I understand your strength must be in play from what I have read. It’s raining it’s pouring the old man is snoring he bumped his head he went to bed but couldn’t get up in the morning... I agree with seekertim what kind of curse is yours? Madness... hmm what is the type? Remember this there is always another way

This is the first step in healing the curse towards a blessing again, is to come to some kind of terms with the shadow mind. Not that I've completely done it as it seems to be an ongoing process with me. Even some kind of harmony with the Shadow mind. Things do seem easier when in this flow. Now how to stay there all the time, that's the big question.
And our immediate local family people seem to sometimes upset that shadow mind.
The big mission is great and a good endeavor. But the little things along the way could be just as important.
Be well all

I understand but are you happy? What is the point in achieving such a goal if your hurting? I understand your strength must be in play from what I have read. It’s raining it’s pouring the old man is snoring he bumped his head he went to bed but couldn’t get up in the morning... I agree with seekertim what kind of curse is yours? Madness... hmm what is the type? Remember this there is always another way

I have thought about this. You make a good point. I will try to explain how I think/feel...

I am hurting for a long time, since childhood. My pain is not a recent one. The difference is that it was covered under alcohol, drugs, parties, jokes, socializing and just anything that would make me forget. Also a very rebellious and non-caring attitude seemed to work for me for a while. But the pain was there, just ignored, un-cared. I was ok, not happy.
However, I look within and I know happiness and joy are there, sometimes very hidden, sometimes not so much. But the problem are my shadows I believe. They seem to take it away and seem to keep me in a state of struggle.

What do you do when you dont feel peace inside but when you are sure you have the potential to live a full life? Would you not give yourself a chance to pursue what you really wish for? Even if it takes struggle and even more pain... Would you risk that in order to pursue that new reality that you know is there, hidden, possible...

I just dont know if staying in pain forever is my thing; it feels un-natural somehow. I accept the pain, for now. I accept it as the tool to trigger my inner "revolution". But I do not want to stay stuck in it forever, I mean, life is important to me, but a real life: A life in abundance, freedom and happiness. I believe this is our natural state somehow, its just covered under a lot of shadow illusions such as: I am not good enough, nobody loves me, I am helpless, I am guilty or evil, etc.

I can think of few people who found extreme happiness, joy and passion for life after intense suffering and drama. They found the happiness they didnt know they had before traumatic events.

My family used to be very close friends with a german/jewish family during WWII. They were a couple and the guy went to Auschwitz for a good while. He was supposed to die there but then a miracle happened and he was back in freedom. After a long time of extreme suffering, lack of any freedom, lack of any love, any joy. He was an artist and used to make some creepy paintings full of pain while he was in there... Anyways, after he was back in freedom, after he recovered his life, he and his wife came to Colombia to visit my family. My parents always mention how they never met a person so full of life, passion, joy. He was thankful for the smallest things, he was delighted about everything and was just a very happy man.
He said he found meaning in life after such extremely harsh experience.

Maybe it is the pain what makes us appreciate life? Maybe pain can help us uncover happiness? Maybe...

In my personal case: My inner pain is what has me working to achieve that happiness and full life that I know exists. Maybe if the pain wasnt there, I would not have this ambition. I would be "ok".

Hope this makes some sense

And yes, there is always a way, the blocks are usually mental. Thank you

This is the first step in healing the curse towards a blessing again, is to come to some kind of terms with the shadow mind. Not that I've completely done it as it seems to be an ongoing process with me. Even some kind of harmony with the Shadow mind. Things do seem easier when in this flow. Now how to stay there all the time, that's the big question.
And our immediate local family people seem to sometimes upset that shadow mind.
The big mission is great and a good endeavor. But the little things along the way could be just as important.
Be well all

Now that you mention family and shadow mind...
I come from an un-balanced family (I include myself in there). We share several shadows as family and this makes us crazy sometimes. It seems as if lately, I am looking at myself in a mirror through them; they are reflecting to me how I felt when I was a child going through traumatic experiences. This was happening lately. Old feelings coming to surface through different family situations (it has been crazy lately) and my strong reactions towards it. Several fights and drama were happening. After introspection and a bit of inner healing I found out that one of those shadows was that I felt rejected for being the way I am. Like I cannot be accepted because of my personality and my views in life. This caused me so much anger and pain... But then, I found out that I also have a hard time accepting them the way they are. Sometimes what they do, say or think drives me nuts. And then, I somehow felt hated by them...
After realizing this, I decided to accept them the way they were. I accepted their hate and just decided to distance myself and let go. Next day they spoke to me, they say they love me, even with our fights, even with all the drama, they say they love me and are still here for me. I love them too, I care for them. Just sometimes I feel lost when it comes to family drama. I am sick of it and want to break out from that, but I know the love is there too. I am confused about this situation right now. I accept them, I love them, but I am done with this drama and toxicity; I have told them. Sometimes I feel I should distance myself completely; sometimes I feel I should be here for them, helping them. This is a real struggle for me.

Hello. I wonder how much our family and even our generational background is part of the lack of inner peace and anxiety many sometimes experience. Some part of that shadow mind in our blood. In the Bible it talks about the sins of the father and we have all heard about how like attracts like.
The family knows all our past mistakes and how we often repeat the same ones over and over again. So they're very quick to point this out and not always so quick to point out when we're making improvements.
So a little distance from time to time should be good. The inner struggles they experience can be similar to ours and we would like to see a group healing in our families
I grew up around a lot of Alcoholics and there was some violence here and there. My daughter has a little alcohol problem. She was making improvements lately. She just moved to Charlotte North Carolina for a new job so she moved out of the house just last week I to pray she conquers this
She had 3 job offers in one week. I'm not sure how much experience you Red Violet have in the front end in the rear end in the coding and all that but they can make pretty good money. In Web design.
Be well

I just figured out that the full text editor is a lot easier when you're douing this on the phone