Sebastian Alexander Shaw

This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to talk about, and it’s been even harder knowing what to say, as if anything was going to do any good. I wasn’t really sure whether I was going to blog about this at all even. But something inside me stirring told me that I should. Least of all I’d like to avoid Ben’s relentless tickles if I don’t!
Last Sunday, my fiancé and his family lost the youngest of three brothers and it’s shaken us all to the very core. How this can even happen to someone like him baffles me and leaves me stunned, confused and heartbroken.
You didn’t have to know Ben (my fiancé) very long to know that his family mean the world to him, this week we’ve talked so much about his little brother, we’ve reminisced, laughed, cried and seen the darkest times of our lives and gotten through it, somehow, with the help of many a video game along the way.

Seb touched a lot of people in his life and it was an absolute pleasure to get to know him, for the brief period of time I did know him, I grew to love him as I imagine I would probably love my own brother if I had one. Ben’s family have always shown me nothing but love and acceptance and I am proud to be at Ben’s side now as his support, someone whom he can lean on.

This week’s been tough, but honestly I wouldn’t expect anything less from this tragedy. If there’s one thing I take away from all of this as we continue our lives into the days and weeks ahead it’s to fill our hearts and minds with happiness, love and acceptance: much like Seb has shown us all in the 19 years he had.

Somehow it seems wrong of me to say so much and tell WordPress how I’m feeling when our family is missing someone they loved dearly, especially as I’ve only been lucky enough to know Ben for the past two years.
At the same time I want everyone involved to know that I’m thinking of them and knowing that I’ve written this rather small act of tribute has brought to light how much he will be missed and how much joy he has bought into their/our lives.

Up until this point it’s seemed like a taboo, something I couldn’t and wouldn’t post, it wasn’t my news to tell. I’ve always figured that the right thing to do was share things after I’d had time to process them and present my best self but I’m come to realise that the hurt I share with my family is mine to tell. This coming of events is no secret and I hadn’t taken into consideration just how much it would effect me, even after just a mere two years of knowing him.

I’d like to conclude with this: There’s a lot of sadness and suffering in this world, and only by thinking of the joy, the hope and the love that we all share with one another can we ever hope to find that balance between our conflicted emotions. At this time I’d like to call upon our strength to live on in Seb’s memory, I hope this message reaches you wherever you may be right now on your journey! I want you to know that I’ll look after Ben, I want you to know that each and every single one of us loves you Seb. But I guess this is goodbye, until we meet again!