Gear Shift

Something really wonderful and enormous has happened, but I want to wait until I have The Official Thingamajig before I make a major public announcement. My brain is thrumming at a million thoughts per second, and I’m sure that only a teeny fraction of all of my thoughts about this Really Big Piece of News would be interesting to the rest of the Universe.

Suffice it to say, life is about to get very different in a relatively short amount of time (no, I am not pregnant, nor will I be for a couple years, at least–nor am I engaged), and I am having a hard time focusing on the needs of the present moment, because there is a TON of planning to do which keeps trying to occupy all of my brain space.

Interestingly enough, though, although there’s suddenly about 10x more that needs to get done, I feel incredibly calm about it all. I mean, I know that I am stressed, but I feel zen about the stress. And I feel clear-headed in a way that I have not in a while. My motivation levels for certain things and my ability to focus on a task is still a little iffy due to the poor food choices I’ve been making (sugars/fats + pancreatitis = sluggish and chemically imbalanced), but despite that, I have a constant low-level stream of endorphins happening that are dispelling some of the mental fog that has clung to my heart/mind these past 4 years.

I know that the endorphins will wear off or shift at some point; I know that What’s To Come is not some magic pill that will cure my depression/anxiety. But the nature of this Big News is of the life-changing variety: even though I’ll still be a human with depression/anxiety, I’ll be experiencing them through new lenses, and with new coping mechanisms.

And I’ll be doing it SOBER. Since getting The Big News of What’s To Come, I have been repeatedly hit with the thought: “I’m so glad this happened to me after giving up alcohol.”

Oh my word, y’all. So much to tell, and it will be told soon, I promise.

❤

PS: The series of photos above were taken from the window of an Amtrak train on my iPhone, using the pano feature & then stitching them together in Moldiv.