Todd Akin is telling you, he's not going. You're the best country he's ever known. There's no way he's going to ever go. No no no no way. No no no no way he's living without you. He's staying. He's staying. And you, and you, and you. You're gonna love him. You're stuck with this bastard, America! He's not dropping out! And he's got a big, tacky page with a backlit fetus on it to prove it!

At least, that was the gist of his radio interview with Sean Hannity, who, like almost every prominent Republican, is begging the Missouri Senate nominee to drop out of the race for the good of the country and the Republican party, which is desperate for people to forget about their offensively retro views on women's health. So here's Akin's big reveal: he doesn't give a flying fetus what all the haters think. He knows God and Missouri voters want him to run for Senate, and by gum, he's running for Senate.

Hannity seemed displeased.

During the interview, it became clear that Akin doesn't understand what the fuss was about. Dr. John Willke gets it, said Akin of his only remaining friend (Dr. John Willke, for the record, is a quack). At one point in the discussion, Akin lamented that one of his primary opponents has gotten in trouble for driving drunk, whereas Todd Akin said "I misspeak ONE word in ONE sentence on ONE day" and all hell breaks loose.

Yep, Todd Akin thinks people are mad at the word "legitimate," not the fact that he seriously seems to think that if he had said any other word it would have made any goddamn difference. Let's take a look at the quote and replace the word "legitimate" with "forcible," which is presumably what Akin meant.

It seems to be, first of all, from what I understand from doctors, it's really rare. If it's a forcible rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down.

Hm... nope. Still fucking astoundingly awful.

Let's try it again, with a nicer word.

It seems to be, first of all, from what I understand from doctors, it's really rare. If it's a glittery rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down.

Still just about the worst!

During the interview, Akin insisted in the face of Hannity's not-so-gentle nudging (radio shoving) that the people of Missouri want him to run against McCaskill, that the polls are still working out in his favor, and reiterated the fact that he was sorry about all this "legitimate rape" business, but he's staying in the race. He's posted a petition on a fetus-festooned page, just to remind people that he's serious about running for office in the face of overwhelming opposition. Charming.

Yeah, Todd Akin can go straight to hell on a bike behind a garbage truck.

In the meantime, Mittens Romney and other party leadership has demanded that Akin drop out of the race by 6 pm EST today.