Sa tunog ng sulat mo, nakikita ang effects ng long term emotional abuse. Sinasabi ko ito sapagka't maski alam mo na ikaw ay victim ng emotional abuse ng asawa mo, nagdadalawang isip ka pa rin na iwanan ang asawa mo sapagka't takot ka na saktan niya ang sarili niya. Maaring despite everything mahal mo pa rin siya but it's more likely that this manner of thinking is a result of one aspect of emotional abuse which we could call emotional blackmail. He makes everything your fault including your leaving him, conveniently not accepting the fact that he has been abusing you. You have been in this relationship for so long that sometimes even understanding that you are being abused is not enough. Breaking away from an abusive relationship is very difficult for a lot of women because there has developed what we call a "co-dependence". Mayroon na kayong kinasanayang pag-ugali sa isa't isa, parang eksena na paulit-ulit, na hindi na ninyo pinagiisipan. It is up to you to make the move if you want to have a life of your own. Breaking away is a very important first step. It should be a little bit easier for you since unlike a lot of women, you can support yourself and you have a family that will support you in your decision. Good luck to you!