Thursday, March 24, 2011

I feel like I am so irresponsible. Which I hate. Because I do try to be responsible. But let's see what I've done lately....1. lost my wallet2. forgot to go to a meeting3. did my psych paper at the last minute4. was late for a meeting

Some days I just feel like I never do anything right and I hate myself, I really do.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

After my post last night, you would think it couldn't get any worse, right? WELL IT DID. So today should have been fine. But it wasn't at all. Honestly, the whole wallet thing is overshadowing everything, and it's all I can think about. So I have been constantly stressed. I woke up and decided to skip bio (always a good idea at the time...), which I should not have done. Not that I really would have learned anything. We have a test Friday, but does our teacher EVER review for tests? No, he just teaches new material. Which never makes sense. Anyways, if I had gone I would have looked in my planner and seen that I had a meeting with a teacher at 1:30. But I didn't, so I did not even think about the meeting! Didn't realize it until 3:00, when I was trying to write my psych paper before college mentors. And I was finishing it and already going to be late, so I didn't have time to email my teacher an apology. So I was running late to college mentors, and I hate being late, it REALLY stresses me out. Got there and found Jenna, and we couldn't find our group! Ugh, I just felt like nothing was going right in my life. Plus, it was super windy, which I hate because I don't like my hair in my face. Anyways, after calling a million people and walking all around, we found our group. It was a nice day because we all just sat around talking and I really needed the relaxation. So anyways, I get to psych and check my email and of course, there is an incredibly harsh email from my teacher about missing the meeting. Yes, I feel awful. It was horrible and irresponsible. But has she never forgotten about anything in her life??? Annoying. So I wrote her back around 5:45 about rescheduling the meeting, and she hasn't responded yet. Has she honestly not checked her email all night? I really want to get this resolved before class tomorrow so it's not awkward. Anyways, walked home with Maddie after that, but then had to go right back to campus to study with someone for biology. Then I walked to Qdoba (and it was SO COLD) to check once again for my wallet, but it wasn't there :(. So devastated. The night has been okay, except it's past midnight, and I have yet to start my homework. I just needed to destress after this day: watch some tv, go on facebook, and I skyped with Phil for a little which was so great. Also, just got an email from Sitter City (a website I joined to find a nannying job this summer) from a woman with a great-sounding job, but I am already doing the internship. It was so exciting to be contacted, and I'm sad I can't do it, because I would way rather work with kids and play outside instead of sitting in an office. But I need the experience blah, blah, blah. Plus you can't really put nannying on a resume for a professional job. So that's a bit disappointing, and I am going to hate having to email her back saying I can't do it anymore. Anyways, will this stress ever end? I feel like more bad things happen each day. I feel like if I found my wallet, everything would be better, but chances of that happening are getting slimmer each day.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Well, I cannot find my wallet anywhere. I am devastated. I honestly love my wallet more than most people. My mom picked it out for me and it's perfect. It's kate spade, purple leather, zip-around, with a gold zipper. I love it. Yes, it's only a material possession, but it is perfect. And it reminds me of my mom every time I look at it. Not to mention the memories that are inside. I take business cards from places that are important or where I had a meaningful experience. I have pictures of family and friends. Not to mention my debit card, license, money, and gift cards. All in all I would say the wallet is worth at least $1,000 if not more. And I may live in a nice place, but my family has NO extra money. And I certainly have no extra money. I am just devastated about it. Obviously, I have put it in perspective with other things going on in my life, but still, it sucks. It's just another thing going terribly in my life. Something good did happen today, but this event has just overshadowed it way too much. Terrible, terrible news for me.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Even though being at home can be so stressful, whenever I get back to school, I miss it more than ever. There is so much sadness and stress there, but I feel like that's where I should be. And I am terrified that things won't be as I left them the next time I go back.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

My dad and I got into a huge fight tonight. Surprise, surprise. It was about something we have fought over a million times before involving my future, etc. The past is in the past, which I have said many time before. Anyways, after we had it out, everything was apparently "resolved." But resolved until when? Until the next time I come home, when we have the same exact fight? I am just so tired. I still feel the same way. Like I'm a disappointment and he will never be proud of me. Maybe I am unmotivated. I don't know.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Well today was terrible. I woke up which was fine, then I ran out of conditioner in the shower. So my hair was all knotty and gross even though I just took a shower. Those of you who know me know that I go through condition extremely fast and use a lot every day. This is to prevent split ends. Anyways, I went to get dressed and pulled up my jeans and they ripped. Like on the leg, just in such an awkward place. And they were my favorite jeans, which is probably why they ripped because I wore them everyday. Anyways, there is no hope of fixing them. So then I had to wear my other jeans which aren't as comfortable. So anyways I walked to campus and wrote my paper before class because it was really easy. Anyways, things were fine until French. We got our midterms back and I was pretty confident about my grade. Well as you may have guessed, I should not have been because I did HORRIBLY. I am so upset. I hate myself so much. The other people in my class do not try very hard and are not very good at French, so there is no reason why I should have done so badly. I was almost in tears and could not pay attention for the rest of class. So then I came back to my room to change because the jeans were just too uncomfortable. So I put on yoga pants and walked back to campus to finish my reading for my next class. I get to class and we have a quiz. It wasn't a pop quiz, but maybe it should have been, because I was too prepared and wrote too much for each question so I didn't get to finish. I hadn't even started the last question when my teacher started collecting the quizzes. Everyone else in the class was done except for me. Luckily, my teacher let me stay after class and finish the last question. Maybe because I participate in class a lot. Lastly, I had to go to my last class which is just a boring lecture, and I got yelled at for playing on my phone even though EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON was also on their phones, and everyone is during each class since the class is pointless and just a requirement. And I was taking notes at the same time, so I was half paying attention. And I was playing word mole on my phone which is basically an educational game since it stretches your brain. AWFUL DAY. Well after that the day turned around a little bit because I went out to dinner with jessica and it was great to see her because it's always great to catch up with friends. I just got home a little bit ago and now I have to write my psych paper so I'll probably go over to Maddie's. Just had to write about this terribly stressful day......NOT what I needed.

when people take things so lightly. Honestly, I am so over people who are disorganized/unfocused/lazy. Yes, I can be all of those things, but I own up to it. Stop complaining when you are causing all of your own problems and not putting your priorities straight. I just wish people would realize how they affected others. Not paying attention makes other peoples' lives suck and now I have to suffer consequences of other people's actions. This post really makes no sense because it's so vague, but still.

Monday, March 7, 2011

is such a weird thing. Usually, when people complain about anxiety, I roll my eyes. But right now, I just feel anxious all the time, and I don't know why. It's a feeling I can't get rid of. I have a stomach ache, so I don't even feel like eating--which must mean I am REALLY stressed out, because that rarely happens. Wish I could figure out what it is that's making me feel this way, or maybe it's a lot of little things.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I NEED to stop all of the emails I get sent to me from stores. It's terrible. When there's a deal I feel like I'm wasting money if I don't buy something. But actually I'm wasting money when I click on the site and look through all of the clothes. I don't need any new clothes, but why does it make me feel so much better when I buy something? I have heard of retail therapy, but never really believed in it. But when I buy something....everything feels better. WHYYYY

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I missed class yesterday.....just had a head ache and no energy. I have a midterm today and I have hardly studied yet. It's in french, which is pretty easy for me, but still. I do not know what's wrong with me. I feel like I need to sleep for a week! And there's not even a real reason why I should be feeling sleep deprived. Because when I try to go to bed at night, I can't fall asleep, and then I wake up before my alarm even goes off. I just need a break and to go home. Looking forward to summer....even though I don't know what I'll be doing yet. It IS March 1st though. I could definitely tell the difference; it was actually light out this morning when I was waiting for the bus. March is the longest month ever though, one of the worst ones after January. Because it feels like it should be getting warmer, but winter is still here. Anyways, guess I should get back to that studying