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"Obey Me, or Die" Gore Warns Congress

Environmental Prophet Al Gore warned a stunned Congress today of the dire consequences should we puny humans refuse to obey him. Hurricanes. Tornadoes. Earthquakes. Plagues of locusts. Disoriented manatees. Cats and dogs living together. The deliberate and systematic destruction of all life on Arrakis. Terrifying, indeed – but just a taste of what’s in store for us all should we continue to blatantly defy Gore.
The time has come to cleanse ourselves of our capitalistic sins and save the earth from total obliteration - but it won’t be easy. Preserving the future for our children will involve tough choices and personal sacrifice. Most importantly it will require tax increases, wealth restribution, government control of production, and the abandonment of the free market system – by pure coincidence, the exact same things liberal democrats have been calling for since before global warming was ever an issue. It would be sheer madness, then, for Repugs to continue to stand against such bold initiatives now that the scientific consensus is that we're all going to die unless we do exactly as Al Gore says.
So there's really no point in debating it any further.

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» BlameBush! Must Read! from Harleys, Cars, Girls
BlameBush! is an absolute must read today... Liberal Larry's best post ever. Hilarious and right on the money. "'Obey Me, or Die" Gore Warns Congress!' is the headline. The Town Board of Woodstock has jumped on board the global warming [Read More]

Tracked on March 22, 2007 at 03:48 PM

Comments

It's obvious to any thinking...err...feeling person that the earth has a fever.
Delirium...halliburtoncinations are symptomatic of a fever. It's sad to see our Prophet Alpha G suffering with the sympathy pains of Mother earth and Peace Mother Sheehan.]

10th!! I always knew we would find a wiser, more paternal, more wrathful, and more benevolent(if we do what he says) God, if only we would turn from our sins of worshipping the mythical KKKhristian friend, and worship Gaia instead.

What a Miracle!! Carl gives himself to Mother Gaia, and then Mother Gaia spews forth the next Saviour of the Earth, AL GORE!!!!!

*Don't everyone clap at once. It could cause global warming, or a dangerous wind storm.*

Damn!! I thought that The Ryghtful Presydent of 2000 was going to Congress yesterday to help them impeach the entire Bu$Hitler KKKrime Family and that Congress was going to march right over to The White House, toss ChimpFace Dumbya Smirky McArrogant out, and let AlGoreRhythm sit in his ryghtful seat. I can't go to work today. My mellow got harshed.

Sure, anyone can motorcade from their mansion to the airport to jet into Washington and motorcade to the Captital Building to tell Congress what everyone and their public school age children already know. But it takes a big man to buy carbon offests and scale his personal habits back to the bare necessities of life. It takes a forward-thinker to turn off that heated pool. It takes a selfless crusader to decline the invitation or to submit written testimony to Congress instead of burning a butt-load of the very fossil fuels you know are destroying the planet to appear in front of all those cameras in person. Because things are JUST THAT DIRE.

I think we can all see that former Vice President Al Gore is not at all doing this because he enjoys the mass leg-humping he's getting, and he is not at all smug hypocrisy personified.

I already purchased one carbon offset credit from that guy on eBay. It came with a nice paper certificate in a handsome hardwood frame in a styrofoam-padded cardboard box, and it was delivered to my door via overnight courier. My neighbors and coworkers all know how committed I am to saving Mother Gaia. Now you do, too.

And since Al Gore™ has the inside track on Carbon Offset Credits™ (PBUT), any political donations you make to him are counted as Carbon Offset Credits™. You get a twofer! You save the world and you save the world.*

It couldn't be more convenient, and that's the truth!

*Of course Al Gore™ will get the credit for both, but that's the Prophet's Prerogative.

I'm getting sandwich boards and scribbling with crayons: THE WORLD ENDS TOMORROW. That ought to wake more than a few fascist kkkonservatives who are making it necessary for Al Gore to own a home that uses twenty times the energy of the average Amerikkkan citizen. If the kkkons would simply surrender to the FACTS of Global Warming, Mr. Gore wouldn't have to be flying all over the place and polluting the pristine stratosphere with jet exhaust trying to convince these morons its time to throw out the television, microwaves, and airconditioners and start living in environmentally friendly mud huts.

Hey! I don't want to hear any Nazi bashing from neoKKKons! The global warming prophet is a holy man and mocking Him about His energy use will result in His followers flooding the streets in violent protests! Allahoo akbar!!

Greenhouse gasses is the least of our worries.
Within a mere 3 billion years our so our Sun is going to expand to the point where Earth is totally engulfed.

Now that is some serious Global Warming and something that I insist Congress address.

Why hasn't Bush built orbital Solar missile launchers?
We must destroy the Sun before it destroys us.
Think of the ramifications. With the Sun gone, we'll never have to worry about global warming again.

Since McDonalds is just one example of the worst kind of capitalistic whore (not that there's anything wrong with "whore" that rhymes with Gore---but capitalism is evil [which is 4/5 of "devil"]) on the planet--

-well (let me catch my breath after that run on sentence)..... WE should--- with dignity of course--- destroy all the cows which Hollyweed Scientist Ted Danson, I beleive it was, long ago proved contribute to global warming with all their Inconvenient Toots!

So between fartin' feedlots and intestinal flora deprived meat eating NASCAR NeoKKKons, there ya have 95% of your cause of the fever afflicting (unbalanced) Al Gores Earth in the Balance!

Al Gore is so dreeeeeaaamy! And who can ever forget that tender kiss he so gently placed on Tippers tonsil..err...lips on the state at the Dismalcrat Convulsion shortly before BUSH STOLE THE *%&$%&^#^%$* ELECTION!!!