Sunday, January 23, 2011

While browsing online, I recently ran across another church in our area that looked like something that would fit us well. After showing the website to James, we agreed that we should check it out. The first (and only) church that we've visited since moving here is nice, but I think it's always good to shop around before settling. Well, we went for the first time this morning...

I immediately fell in love! While it was smaller in attendance than what I typically prefer, I loved the modern style. Plus, even though we generally keep to ourselves while at church, the atmosphere was very welcoming. You could definitely feel the passion. It's a young church with much excitement in the air, as they yearn for more and more growth. In the end, I think I like it over the other place we've been visiting. I'd like to think we'll most likely be going back!

So yeah...with that out of the way, it ended up being quite an interesting service. Today was their 2nd anniversary (as I said, it's a very young church!), so they celebrated with different people telling their story since joining the church. Much to my surprise, a fellow BLM was among those guest speakers. In fact, I feel like a total stalker -- I recognized her from her blog! Her story was recently listed on the Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope website, so before she even spoke, I was familiar with their family. Yeah...I totally feel like a stalker...

Anyways. It was definitely an inspiring story, but still hard to hear. I always find it interesting to see how others handle their loss and approach grief. I don't know if it's just me, but it always seems like others seem to handle it much better than we do. But then again, I guess after a 3rd round, hitting rock bottom should be no surprise.

While listening to them speak, I turned to James and he looked very uncomfortable. I didn't know whether he was mad or sad or what. I wrote a little note to ask and he just wrote back, "Olivia." It's just so hard. We miss our baby girl (and Jacob & Jordan) so much and being in these situations...hearing Bible verses that try to tell us to have faith and everything will be alright...lean on Him and He will provide and you will be blessed, etc...It's just hard to hear it, when we feel like we've been there. We've done that. Yet, here we are -- grieving, yet again. It's hard not to think that our journey with Samuel will end the same way. We're definitely struggling with all of this...

I asked James after the service if he would like to go back and he simply said, "May as well. We have to start going back eventually..." That seems to be the ongoing response to attending church. We want to be in attendance. We want to grow in our faith. Yet, our grief is making it difficult. Hopefully with time, we'll get back to feeling sincere about a lot of it. Until then, I suppose we'll try and continue going through the motions...

Here's to a lively church that fits our style! Who knows...maybe in time, it will become our church home...

I am excited that you found a church that you think could become your church home. That is so hard to do in a new place. Reading about the fellow BLM pulled at my heart. I can only imagine the feelings you must have had when you recognized her and listened to her story. My heart is with you, your husband, Olivia, Jacob, Jordan and little Samuel! Sending you love! <3 <3 <3