Monday, April 17, 2006

I Bet You Thought You Could Hide From Us By Appearing on a 3 pm PST SportsCenter, Didn't You, Joe?

Unfortunately, you didn't count on the fact that I would be lying on the couch listening to the TV while recovering from laser eye surgery.

On the brilliantly titled GMC Diamond Cutters feature, Joe tried to explain the higher-than-expected home run frequency of the young 2006 season:

I think more guys swing for the fences now than they were, say four, five years ago. Now, I mean, guys realize, if I can get it, I can get it out of here.

More than say, four, five years ago? You mean like five years ago, as in 2001, when 5,458 home runs were hit in the major leagues, or the second highest total in history? The year Barry Bonds hit a mind-boggling 73, presumably by realizing, hey, if I can get it, I can get it out of here?

Another reason Joe gave is that "a lot of young pitchers are trying to find their way." So I guess there are no young hitters struggling this season. 2006: The Year All Hitters Are Cagey Veterans. Mark it down.

All right, time to put some drops in my eyes, slip on a satin mask, and listen to the sweet sounds of Christmas with the Kranks on Starz! Kids and Family.

I can only imagine how physically painful it must have been for you to slip off that mask and make your way to the Panasonic "Toughbook" (author's embellishment) on your desk and hack away, risking permanent blindness like Tom Cruise pulling off his mask to let that spider-thing scan his new (Asian) eyeballs in "Minority Report," desiring only to record Joe's words for posterity. God bless you, Junior.