Smell Great. Eat Well. Travel Often

Unfortunately for me though, this is what I had the misfortune of encountering this morning. A middle-aged guy, sitting opposite me with a twisted nose (no doubt due to his most repulsive habit), was casually poking his index finger far up into his nose hole before scooping out the remains. At one point he even wiped it on the seat. I sat transfixed, and in complete and utter disbelief as he done this not once, not twice, not thrice but on numerous occasions throughout the 20 minute Victoria Line tube journey. What horrified me even more then that though, was the fact that nobody else seemed in the least bit bothered, or indeed even AWARE that there was someone of this lowly calibre in there midst (or perhaps they were purposefully refusing to look in his direction as they didn’t want to face the reality of such despicable behaviour). The manky dude had a blank expression on his face, and I did wonder momentarily whether he was mentally challenged but aside from this he showed no other signs of mental struggle so I dismissed this as being his excuse: He was absentmindedly rooting around in his canal passage and I wanted to do nothing more then to bellow out:

“Stop digging out your nose hole you abominable cretin! You make me sick! How can you sit there on the train, in plain view of all of all and sundry and just repeatedly remove the wastage from your nose hole?! You are VILE!”

Alas I did not say this. I just tried my very best to look elsewhere, to concentrate on something else, and I tried not to think of what he was finding in there that was so very appealing. I tried to focus on clean, wholesome thoughts but somehow this guys bogey antics kept on catching the corner of my eye. I felt as though I was being tortured.

I looked around for others to sympathise with me but nobody did. Then another guy got on and I felt relieved as he sat down next to me as he smelt of freshly washed clothes. He was a momentary distraction from Bogey Boy but as he leaned back into his seat and got comfortable his index finger sneakily began to make it’s way into his nose hole….