Dear E. Jean: Am I imagining things, or have all my friends on Facebook turned into braggarts? Their status updates about their hot careers and new apartments are making me want to throw up! —Really Annoyed

Really, my luv: You should see my idiot friends. Their updates read like drunk dials from Glenn Beck interspersed with battlefield bulletins from Joan of Arc. Half of them are looking for new jobs (hence the bragging) and the other half—hell, I don't even know the other half. But here's how to feel better: You, I, and Facebook are on this planet for a very, very short time. And anyone who wastes even one minute of time begrudging their friends' happiness has not discovered the value of life.