Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Why Not Me? Promo REMIX!!!

Today the new season of The Mindy Project debuts on Hulu and also marks the release of Mindy's new book, Why Not Me?Celebrate good times, come on!So, I've received some flack for my last post "Mindy Kaling is Victim to Mindy Kaling." Critics think I should take a chill pill; I can swallow that. Mindy is just having fun, entertaining us - why can't I enjoy it without being such a dorywhore, I mean doryphore. Whatevs.Also, don't I get that Mindy was skeptical about Anders interest in reading her book, not in her romantically? Well, I think the romcom set-up in the elevator conflates the concepts, but sure, the distinction would mean Mindy is not using her own desirability as the punchline but instead, her typical fan demographic.Okay, I get it. I don't mean to be such a harpy. If I'm going to nitpick, then I should at least present my alternative book promo. I will stick as closely to the original in terms of setting/budget and casting, which means even if I want to cast Idris Elba against Mindy, I'll stick with her pal Anders.Now presenting my take on a promo for Why Not Me?

Mindy Kaling & the Magical Elevator Ride To The Penthouse in the SkyINT. The Exact Elevator Set Used on The Mindy Project - DAYMINDY KALING is texting on her phone as ANDERS walks into the elevator holding folders and bunch of that long rolled paper that suggests he's an architect.ANDERSExcuse me.MINDY(dodging rolls pleasantly)Sorry.Mindy checks out Anders and politely asks:MINDYWhat floor?ANDERSOh 18th floor.MINDYOh, me too.Mindy reaches to push elevator button as Anders moves to intercept her.ANDERSOh I got it.As Anders and Mindy collide, he drops what's he holding.MINDYOh God I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!Anders waves his hands, smiling.ANDERSOh that's fine. No, don't.

As Anders and Mindy bend down together to pick up his belongings.ANDERSBelieve me, I'm used to it.MINDYUsed to what? ANDERSWomen tend to have that reaction around me all the time. Especially women like you.MINDYWhat the heck is that supposed to mean?ANDERSCome on? Do I have to spell it out for you?MINDYYes, I would love for you to enlighten me elevator rando.ANDERSWell, minority women especially go crazy for me- you know, with my all-American good looks, hazel eyes. Plus at 6'4, I'm way taller than the guys you're probably used to dating.MINDYExsqueeze me?Anders looking right into Mindy's startled eyes as they're on their knees on the elevator floor.ANDERSYou probably have a type and my bet is, you're looking right at it.Mindy standing back up, holding a paper roll.MINDYOh you mean, obnoxious narcissistic jerk? Oh sure, yea - but I'm so Katherine McFee over it.Anders stands to join her.ANDERSCome on. You don't have to fight it.Anders seductively leans in towards Mindy, who is now backed into the corner of the elevator clutching the paper roll.The elevator dings as it arrives on the 18th floor, the doors opening.ANDERS(slowly, seductively) You lust who you lust.Mindy is frozen, staring into Anders' hazel eyes.The doors close on the couple, Anders hovering over a hynotized Mindy.Suddenly, the moment is broken back inside the elevator as Mindy bops Anders on the head with the roll of paper to repel him.ANDERSOh..aaahMINDY noticing that the elevator door has opened and closed on the 18th floor during this time.MINDYYou know we just missed our floor.ANDERSNo worries babe. You ride with me, and it's penthouse all the way.Mindy reaches over to press the button again.MINDYYea okay. What were you doing going to the 18th floor anyway?Anders showing off his props, taking back the paper roll Mindy is holding.ANDERSCome on, you can't tell? I'm clearly an architect.MINDYYou're an architect??ANDERSWell, no, not an ACTUAL architect. But I'm auditioning to play one. It's this great part in this fantastic comedy. I'm really pumped.MINDYOh really?ANDERSYea. Are you here to audition too? You going for the cute little sidekick or the fiery Jamaican nanny?MINDYOh, I already have a part.ANDERSNo kidding!? You're an actress? You know, I thought you looked familiar but then again, you guys always do.MINDYThat's inconvenient.ANDERSWell, I picked up this book to prepare for my meeting today. The show-runner is a best-selling writer. MINDYYou don't say?Anders looking through his file folders to find the book. ANDERSYea, I started flipping through the book and it's actually really funny. There's a story about Bradley Cooper, not that Bradley Cooper has anything on me, you know.MINDYI'm sure.ANDERSAnd a chapter on a starlet's confessions for how to look spectacular in Hollywood, which you should totally check out.MINDYThanks.ANDERSNo offense. I mean, you think I'm a natural blonde, don't you?MINDYI didn't doubt it for a moment.ANDERSYea, can't say the same thing for BRADLEY now can you.MINDYWell, obviously you haven't ever met Bradley in person.Anders looks stunned and leafs through his folders more frantically.ANDERSBut no really, do I know you from somewhere?

The elevator dings as it reaches the 18th floor again and the doors open.MINDY(smiling)Good luck with your audition.Mindy cooly exits the interview, just as Anders finally retrieves the book and stares wide-eyed at the cover.CLOSE UP: Mindy Kaling on the Why Not Me? book cover.Anders holding up the book shouting out, walking towards the now closing elevator doors.ANDERS Omg! Mindy Kaling! Why Not Me!? I'm your biggest fan!Elevator doors close in his face.The End.

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