17 October 2014

hhmmmm wondering...

what do u do when someome says they won't forget but when it comes time to do what they said they will do, nothing happens?

i have experienced that many times. and, i know that i have done the same to others. it's not easy to keep ur word sometimes. i understand that. but when others don't bother to let u know, it can be challenging when u have to speak with them again. for me, i wonder if i have done something to make them not want to remember or keep their word. was it something i did? what did i do to make u not want to do what u said u would do?

today, a friend was supposed to come over. i wanted to share some stuff i had made and wanted to do a bit of baking as well. but when it was time for them to be here, no one came to my door. then i heard a car door and thought, "maybe they didn't forget." i was excited as i jumped up from my chair to look out the window. but the one walking up my walk was not who i thought it was. my heart sank. as i walked to the door, i had to change my sadness to 'it's ok' so i could greet who was at the door with a smile. but my sadness returned when they left.

what did i do? i don't have a vehicle to go and bring anyone to my house. and what i wanted to share i can't share riding my bike. as i was putting the bread ingredients together, I verbally forgave that person. i will always forgive them but the hurt takes a little longer to deal with. i will always pray for my friend. hoping against hope that one day they understand how important it is to do what they say.

but there is another part to this. i have to be willing to keep that door open to the other. because i still struggle with rejection, it takes me a little while to adjust. but in the end, God's love wins out. without God stretching out His arms to me, i would not be here. so, i allow God to heal the hurt and then to open my arms once again. the memory of what the other did is still there but, i give Hope a try again and again. i have to. God has yet to give up on me. so what gives me the right to give up on others? i do, however, put quite a bit of time between tries but that's because God is still working on me.