Sexuality and
your feelings

Feelings, sexuality and cancer

Your feelings can have a very powerful influence on your sexuality and sexual behaviour. If you are feeling depressed or anxious, you’re less likely to be aroused by thoughts of sex. This is also true if you’re feeling afraid about your cancer, its treatment or your relationship.

Being diagnosed with cancer usually causes many strong emotions, which may make you less interested in sex. Fear, anxiety, pain, anger, envy and jealousy are common blocks to arousal.

If you have had a change in their body due to cancer or its treatment often have a fear of rejection. Normal, everyday feelings are intensified, which can be exhausting and may lead to a loss of interest in sex.

Some people feel an increase in sexual arousal. Others say they feel guilty for worrying about their sex life when they should just be grateful for being alive. Feelings can sometimes be overwhelming and may be intensified by the worry that your emotions will also affect the people around you.

Reviewed: 30 Jun 2014 Next review: 2016

Ways of releasing feelings

Sexual self-esteem is often directly related to overall feelings of well-being. If you feel unsure about yourself and lack confidence as a result of the cancer, you may also lack confidence sexually. It can help to talk about and express these difficult feelings.

You could share your feelings with someone who will listen and not judge you or tell you what to do – perhaps a family member or close friend. If you’d prefer to talk to someone anonymously, you could talk to our cancer information specialists on 0808 808 00 00.

If you have a partner, talking openly with them about sex and cancer can help you overcome communication problems. Your healthcare team might think you’d benefit from seeing a sexual health specialist. These are experts in dealing with issues about intimacy and relationships, and they can give you confidential advice and practical help. They can help you express your anger and other feelings. Many couples use these appointments to start being more honest with one another, sometimes after many years of avoiding sensitive issues. Keeping old feelings hidden won’t help you or your relationship heal. By talking openly, you may find you can overcome the common problems in communication about sex and cancer.

Sexual contact can be a good outlet. After having sex, you may find that any anger subsides. Sex can also distract people from feelings that are upsetting them.

Featured group

This group is for cancer survivors and people who have finished treatment. It is a space to discuss things like the physical and emotional after effects of cancer, returning to work, or trying to move on with your life.

Thanks

We rely on a number of sources to gather evidence for our information. If you’d like further information on the sources we use, please feel free to contact us on: bookletfeedback@macmillan.org.uk

All our information is reviewed by cancer or other relevant professionals to ensure that it’s accurate and reflects the best evidence available. We thank all those people who have provided expert review for the information on this page.

Our information is also reviewed by people affected by cancer to ensure it is as relevant and accessible as possible. Thank you to all those people who reviewed what you're reading and have helped our information to develop.

You could help us too when you join our Cancer Voices Network – find out more at: http://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancervoices

We make every effort to ensure that the information we provide is accurate and up-to-date but it should not be relied upon as a substitute for specialist professional advice tailored to your situation. So far as is permitted by law, Macmillan does not accept liability in relation to the use of any information contained in this publication or third party information or websites included or referred to in it.