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Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Domestic Enemies of the Large Family

We've been looking for this rant for soooooo long. Because we know a bunch of awesome moms with a lot of kids and they're not what you'd think. Here's a little info about today's Special Guest Blogger:

Hi, I’m Holly Hudson, proud Momma to what we (and those who know us best) affectionately call The Storm. My oldest, and only daughter, is 7 years old. Her Highness is the calm before The Storm. Behind her are our four sons, ages 6, 5, 3, and 18 months, who we refer to as Thunder, Lightning, Hail and Flash Flood. Their personalities closely resemble the cast of Jackass. We’re expecting #6 in January. In the past eight years, six and a half of them I’ve spent either pregnant or nursing.

Yes, they are all mine, yes, they all have the same father, and yes, we do know how this keeps happening.

While our family is large, we are completely normal… normal being a relative term. Let me tell about some of our enemies...

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THE DUGGAR FAMILY (TLC): The Duggars bother me, and not just because their oldest son and his wife practically filmed hours of hand porn during their dating episodes. When it comes to educating America on life inside a big family, the show is misleading.

Best. Image. Ever. Thank you whoever made it.

Not all large families wear long skirts and refuse to change hairstyles for 25 years. Not all large families homeschool. And, not all large families are anti-birth control for religious reasons. However, people wrongly assume these things about us, and total strangers will ask questions and want to discuss these points with us, all because they’ve seen shows like 19 Kids and Counting and Sisterwives. I’ve been asked by strangers more times than I can count, “So, are y’all like the Duggars??” Ummm, NO.

While I wish I could be as sweet natured as Michelle, and never raise my voice to my husband or children, I just can’t. Then again, I also don’t have teenage daughters to help cook all our meals, wash our 18 weekly loads of laundry (which is a domestic enemy to every mother, in and of itself) and watch my toddlers all day. Perhaps if I could borrow Michelle’s oldest daughters a few mornings a week, I would have more patience with the little howler monkeys who keep begging for sippy cups to be refilled and goldfish to crush on the freshly vacuumed rug.

APPOINTING A LEGAL GUARDIAN: In the event that (God forbid) something should happen to us both… When Her Highness was born, (she was the first grandchild on both sides) both sets of grandparents proudly announced they would be happy to be appointed her legal guardian should something happen. I couldn’t stand the thought of filling out a legal document, stating who was to raise MY child, MY pride and joy. My husband and I argued for days over who would do the better job, both throwing each other’s families under the bus, while bringing up embarrassing stories about the way Uncle Rico turned out.

Fast forward seven years, and now, instead of arguing with my husband, I’m arguing with the couple we named legal guardian… “What do you mean you only want Her Highness and Thunder?? So what you’ve got two kids of your own! Fine then... We’ll see if his sister will take a few of them.”

PUBLIC OUTINGS-- This is a three part enemy. A.) Herding Chimpansloths
Getting out the door to go anywhere, whether it is school or Disney World, takes an act of congress. Instead of “herding turtles” to our van, I feel much more as if I’ve just herded a cross breed of chimpanzees and sloths. While I know the chimp part of their brain is indeed intelligent enough to locate a matching pair of crocks, put them on their feet (“Wrong feet or not, I don’t care, just put them on and let’s GO!!”) and walk to the car, the sloth part of their bodies always seems to take over, making my simple request of finding two shoes (“Matching or not, I don’t care, just put them on and LET’S GO!!”) and getting in the car nearly impossible.

B.)Paparazzish Encounters
Once we arrive at our public destination, there will no doubt be onlookers and gawkers, craning their necks to see and count just how many kids I have in my van/grocery cart/sunscreen assembly line/restaurant booth/etc. It’s sort of like having paparazzi following you all the time, only instead of shouting, “Who are you wearing?” You get to pretend you give a rip about all the “Well-meaning” commenters and their questions like, “Have you thought about how you’ll put them through college?” --Are you offering to do so? Then why is it any of your business? “You’ve got your hands full.” –Thanks, I hadn’t noticed. “Better you than me.” –Yep, my kids would agree.

C.)Humiliation: Public outings with this number almost always results in embarrassing encounters involving one or more members of the motley crew. It never fails. I’m always sorry I take them out in public. For example, when Thunder was three years old, he asked me very loudly in the check-out line during rush hour at the grocery store, “Momma, what smells like button-eggs?” Stupidly, I asked him to repeat his question, since I had no idea what button-eggs were. (Amateur.) Holding his nose he repeated, even louder, “NOT BUTTON-EGGS, Momma. BUTT and EGGS! Something smells like BUTT and EGGS!” At the same time he was assaulting me with embarrassment, I got a whiff of the man standing in line in front of us. Two thoughts immediately came to mind: How in the world did my three year old put those two items together to make such a description… and second, how did he do it so accurately?

ILLNESSESS: The only thing my children willingly share is a germ. When one child catches a virus, they all catch it. And never simultaneously. That would be too convenient. In a large family, illnesses can last for months. One winter, we saw the pediatrician for eight consecutive weeks. When we finally recovered from Satan’s version of RSV, the receptionist called just to say hi since she hadn’t seen us in a while. My suggestion here is to make friends with a pediatrician. And a dentist. (Oh, and a vet would be nice too.) That way, you can call in the middle of the night without feeling guilty about it. And maybe get them to swing by your house on the way home from work with their otoscope.

Stomach viruses alone are enough to keep any mother from taking her children to an indoor playplace. But knowing that I’ll be scrubbing vomit stained carpets (why can’t they ever puke on the hardwoods??) for three solid weeks, keeps me out of the Burger King play-n-puke year round.

GUILT: It’s the common thread that bonds our sisterhood together as Mothers. For me, guilt rears its ugly head daily, leaving me to doubt my capabilities to handle such a fun and spirited group of children. After a long day of Chimpansloth Herding, when my babies’ daddy is working late, I don’t always make time to read “justonemorestory pleeeaaaasssseee” nor do I always explain as sweetly as I should that Mommy is exhausted and just really needs for everyone to close their eyes and go to sleep. Some nights it comes out more like the foot stomping temper tantrums I’m always fussing at them for throwing. After they’re all in the bed, and the house is quiet, I stare mindlessly at reruns of The Office and sip a glass of wine (if I’m not pregnant). That’s when the feelings of inadequacy begin to haunt me. “Am I doing a good job? Do they all know just how much I truly love them? Did I even make eye contact with the middle one…. Oh, what’s his name.. Lightning?” The truth is, while Satan loves for those feelings of doubt to creep into all of our hearts, only we can push them out, and remember, there’s nothing to feel guilty for. Siblings are a gift. Tomorrow is a new day. And no matter how today went, I can always do better tomorrow.

Even though I don’t have the help of Michelle Duggar’s daughters, I wouldn’t trade my life for the world. While a large family may bring with it an abundance of domestic enemies, it also brings an abundance of LOVE. Every day I get to wake up to five (soon to be six) times the hugs, kisses, and snuggles. I also get to do the greatest parts of Motherhood six times over— hearing the heartbeat for the first time; kissing booboos; blowing raspberries on their bellies until we’re both laughing so hard, neither of us can breathe; watching my husband rock a cranky kid to sleep, then falling asleep himself, with that child locked tightly in his embrace; seeing the wonderment each child finds with the simple things in life. Those things, no matter how many times over you do them, never get old. These children are my greatest teachers, and most certainly my greatest blessings.

I feel honored and blessed to have found such an astounding group of women to help me through these trying times. Thanks, Mommyland, for reminding me I’m normal, even if I do have a half-dozen kiddos.

111 comments:

I only have 2 so far, with one more on the way, and the outings and illnesses already drive me nuts. We just got over a month of back to back crap requiring all of us to hit the dr at least once, in some cases twice, a week. And how is it that kids can have 10 pairs of shoes, all in the middle of the living room, and never find 2 that they can wear?

Thank you. Your reflections on guilt should be read by all mommies. "...only we can push them out, and remember, there’s nothing to feel guilty for. Siblings are a gift. Tomorrow is a new day. And no matter how today went, I can always do better tomorrow."

*sigh* Chimpansloths... I have 4. These people jump on every surface in my house and climb the walls having perfected their sense of balance, but heaven forbid they be required to sit at the table with a bowl of cereal and not flood the freshly cleaned dining room floor with milk. WTF?!!!

Also, they have recently discovered that if they perform the Heimlich on the 1yo, she'll projectile her cheerios.

I just know I am going to get slammed for this, but Really? 6 kids? I'm glad that you get a kick out of snuggles and kisses and first heartbeats and blowing raspberries and all the sweet parts of having little kids, but 6? Really? Are we not aware that there is a population problem on our planet?

I guess I would be one of those Domestic Enemies who has trouble fathoming why people seem to need to have so many kids. I love my kids. I had two because I wanted them to grow up with a sibling. My oldest (who is three) has asked several times when he will get a sister since he already has a brother (I guess he wants a "complete set"?). But I just can't get past the idea that it would be irresponsible for us to have more children on purpose.

Seriously, if we weren't looking at a future where this planet may not be able to sustain the human population at its current growth rate, I would say, "More power to ya Sister!" ('cause really, with 6 under 8 you need all the help you can get), but I just can't get past the need to have so many children for any reason-religious or not...and crazy religion rules would be a whole other rant for me.

Well I am not going to slam you... hard anyway, as a mother to 5 kids full time and 4 part time (being step kids) yes that equals 9, the joys of watching your child learn things is the greatest feeling in the world! and we get to do it over and over and over!!! and you do not understand why in the world we would do such a thing OMG!! Well it goes the other way too.... I cannot understand why people have one or two children!? ALL of my siblings (I come from a large family)have two kids and that's it! And they are the most spoiled pretentious little brats I have ever met in my life ALL OF THEM they do not do anything for themselves and their parents jump at every little whim they have and I think that makes for very bad raising! My children are none the less children they act up and they throw tantrums they fight but when I ask them to do something and when we go in public they are nice and respectful they don't act like other children throwing things and acting stupid in the store. I feel that children from large families have a greater appreciation for everything in life.

I am a biologist and aware of the population problem. However, you need to realize that the US is not in a state of overpopulation, nor are US citizens even achieving replacement numbers. My FOUR children are 10X more environmentally conscious than the average person at 4 years old and I am only moderately crunchy. They know why we need to picky up litter, recycle, make smart decisions about animal products (no, we are not vegetarians but they are starting to learn about sustainable fishing and not using furs - stuff like that), and turn off lights when we leave a room. I don't think adding an extra two citizens like that is going to cause an environmental catastrophe. Maybe they will start educating others instead.

This was written a while ago, but I had to respond...Simply put, there is a reason you only have two, and I am thankful you have chosen not to have any more, obviously it would be for all the wrong reasons!!! Please proceed to do your part and not overpopulate this world with your blood.

Commenter from Jan 16, 2012what the hell does the number of kids in a family have to do with whether a kid is well behaved & respectful, a spoiled brat, or a holy terror? it has to do with how they are raised. I've seen terrible kids come from big families big and small. Most of my friends that have children only have one or two, and I can't think of any that are the kind of "spoiled pretentious brats" you describe because, oh guess what, their parents give a damn about teaching their kids manners and the difference between right and wrong.

Sciencemom, your environmentally conscious 4 year old, just by virtue of being a US resident, is using the planet's resources at a rate far, far greater than a child born in a third world country. Our lifestyle is incredibly energy intensive, and all the recycling in the world doesn't make up for that.

Replacement rate...great. Anything more than that, from a strictly environmental point of view, cannot be justified.

As far as that whole "replacement rate" thing goes, how do you figure? More and more people are choosing not to have children at all or to only have one child, so we aren't replacing ourselves. There are countries where the population is imploding because they aren't having enough children. Things balance out eventually, and humans are always coming up with new options.

This I love!!! I have 4 boys and where I live no one has over 2. I get the 'I wanted to give my 2 all that could' like obviously I can't because I had more. Now just for the domestic enemy of the 'all boy' mom lol!!!

I grew up in a family of 9 and I completely agree with so much of this.My sisters and I do not wear denim skirts. My brothers do not all do their hair parted on the side. I was a Goth in high-school, my brother grew his hair long and listens to metal, all four of us girls and my mom have our noses pierced, my dad raised us listening to the Rolling Stones. Also, yes my mom is Superwoman but no, she's not Michelle Duggar.Oh yeah - and no, being from a large family *does not* mean that I will also have a large family.

To the anonymous poster - I find it so sad that you needed to post such a hurtful comment here. This is a place I come to for comic relief and camraderie.No one can put a cap on the number of children in the world and no one should ever tell anyone they can't have the family they have always dreamed of. I hope all 6 of her children grow up to be contributing members of society and make the world a better place. As for your post, please find a different place to post comments like this. Love the post and as always, made me smile and cry all at the same time!

I absolutely loved your article though. I have 4 kids (13,12,9 and 6) and most mornings it is an absolute chaotic circus in our house trying to find shoes - schoolbags - socks and get out the door even close to on time. I love the way you write that you love your kids so much...

I would go back for another if my partner weren't so against the idea. Mine keep asking when i am going to provide another boy for the family (The oldest three are girls) Oh well - i might be able to sway him someday!!

Good luck with #6! I hope you life continues to be blessed and joyous :-)

Hi! As a mom with three on the ground and number 4 on the way (oldest is four) I can so relate. Thanks for this post! And the comments never do stop, huh? To anonymous above-- First of all, really? Why make this your platform? She (and I) already have the kids HERE. So it's kinda late for your speech. Second-- We're all Moms who are doing the best we can. Good for you for sticking by your beliefs. And good for her for raising good kids to grow up and be our future leaders. Thanks again, Holly! I say keep at it!-Joy L., FL

Awesomeness...and Thank You!! I am also a mom2six, and can well identify with most of the things you have put in this post, though my children are a bit older now (getting ready to deal with the Senior Year of high school with Dad deployed). Thoroughly enjoyed this!!

Love the post! Love you! I always wanted a , what is consider, big family. I'm the 4th of 5 and consider my own family small as both my parents come from families of 10 siblings each one.

But life happens. I spend so much time at therapies with the 2nd never saw time going away ... I still want at lessens 3rd an a 4th but I will probably miss that feeling and stay with 2. I'm doing such a bad work with this 2 I will ruin the 3rd and 4th or just plainly ignore them so I can make the 2n able. To survive this word ...

As you I have now problems with the appointed guardians as whe they knew about the hours of therapies and special diets they are thinking on baking up.. One of them the other is asking me to have everything written just in case. But now I'm causing them a family issue...

Thank you for writing love the post and envy you a ton . I just can remember the lunches and dinner at home withMy siblings and the family vacations and see a happy funfamily ready to challenge everything. Lie my siblings they are the best thing my parents could have give me :) I know your kids will think the same :)

Love this! Too many people now assume having a lot of children is a bad idea, I personally love each of mine. They give me something no one else in the world could. Holly, good luck, I know it's hard sometimes, but one day those kids will look back and say "My parents gave me the best friends I could ever ask for... My siblings!" I came from a large family, and I never needed friends, I had 6 siblings to play with. I now have 3 children and one on the way. Never a dull moment! Lovin' it, and lovin' you Holly! Thanks for making me laugh!

Awww, thanks for all the positive feedback, y'all! I love our sisterhood here at Rants From Mommyland. Y'all are the best.

One quick thing... About the overcrowding comment-- Its like my grandmother always said, "If the good people of the world don't have more children, the bad will take over." And since there's NO shortage of Jerry Springerish folks on our planet, I'd say I'm just doing my civic duty. :)

I have four, which makes me a rank amateur, but I still get lots of stares and comments. When I was pregnant with #4, I dragged the other three with me to Hobby Lobby, where the lady behind the counter said, "Goodness! Four kids! Don't you know where they come from yet?" Normally, I would just give a half-hearted, I've heard it before, laugh. But that day I was tired and pregnant and herding three chimpansloths (best word ever), and I had just had it. I looked at her and said, "No. I don't know where they come from. My husband and I can't figure it out. Could you tell me please?"

To the mom above who can't fathom why anyone would have six kids.... overpopulation?? Really? If that's such a big deal then I guess we should all (worldwide ) just stop having kids altogether. I have three, all girls. And I'm done. Not because I'm scared to have another girl (dm 1), not because I couldn't give them everything (dm2), certainly not because somehow its irresponsible to have children with my successful husband, and surely I don't give a single hot blistered patootey about world overpopulation. I'm done because I don't want four. Simple as that. If Holly wants and can handle a brood of 7+ Chimpansloths, more power to her, not because I don't believe that if Holly has another person the surface e of the earth will implode, but be ause Its her perogative just as much as its anyone elses how many kids they want. Anyway, thanks for providing me with a rant and two minutes away from the Queen of England, Athena, and the Scream.

I so feel your pain, with my own six pack of sweathogs, spending way too much time hiding in my bedroom closet with jello shots and playing old Journey songs on my ipod. It's my only escape hatch from all the souls in my house who want a piece of me. But the domestic enemies are the worst part of it all, especially the kind who think you live in the world as free entertainment for the rest of the world. Can I just go to Walmart and buy a gallon (or five) of milk without having my uterus interviewed?

Have you ever seen Idiocracy? I feel it is my duty to populate the planet with as many little geniuses that I can! We have to compete with the morons of the world and not let natural selection do away with open minds and critical thinking. More power to you, mama of 6!!! We got your back!

There's a difference between how many kids you want, and how many kids you can handle. For a lot of people, the numbers match up, and God bless you all. For a lot of other people...they don't, and God bless you too.

I would've loved 3 or 4 kids, but I can only handle 2. I admit it. So I have 2 and I imagine the others, it's worked out quite well :-)

I like this reply :)I myself only have 1 child, and I think I am done (more on that side of the fence than the other), because I don't know for sure if I can handle more than 1 due largely to financial reasons, but also due to my own sanity and even physical health - my husband is in full agreement. I actually have quite a few domestic enemies too as the mother of an only (doesn't seem to be a blog about that), so I think all the strangers of the land just find anything to criticize. But as you said, it is very important to know how many kids you can handle, and hopefully it matches!

Love, Love, LOVE!I have 6- my oldest will be 7 in November and little guy is 9 weeks. We're thinking about 8- Made me laugh out loud!Im just happy if we get out of the house with all the required clothing for the day!

Great stuff! Coming from a very "religiously populated" area (so as not to offend) I see the 4+ child family everywhere I turn. It's very commonplace to see moms with more than one shopping cart in tow just to handle their brood. I have two boys myself, but they live with their dad most of the time, who is working on his own brood with a one year-old and another on the way. I am currently faced with mixed emotions about all of this "19 and Counting" stuff, since I'm having fertility issues with my spouse. I know several people out there that can just pop out babies on a whim...in fact, I used to be one of them! Most of these ladies can handle it, some are horrible at it, and some excel at the task and make the very most out of even the most unexpected of accidental accidents! I'm torn as to whether I would rather see a post about the enemies of the weekend mom or the enemies of the infertile mom...you tell me! I'd gladly write a post about the jackholes that make an actively infertile mom uncomfortable on a daily basis, or the ones that make you feel like you have to tell them "but I get to see them mostly whenever I want, and on the weekends, too!" While I don't know if I could handle such a bunch as wonderful Holly has, I'd kill for a chance to try right about now. Half a dozen is better than my empty house and/or uterus right about now! :)

I just called my kids Chipmanzsloths. Its my new go to word. I too, have 4. We were happy with 2, and got twins after a romp in the shower. I hate when people would ask me, oh what fertility drugs did you take? I told them "condoms". They were not amused.

And the poster who said why have six blah blah blah. If you are SO worried about the population- why did you have ANY kids?

Yup, knew I would be slammed. And I wasn't trying to be hurtful. And I love this site. And I laugh at almost everything. And I don't believe for a second that EVERYONE is going to agree with everything that someone posts on their blog. That's the point to a blog, isn't it? To have a conversation about stuff?

I am one of four children and I wouldn't give up my younger sister and brother for anything (though there was a time when we were younger, but I digress...) But they are already here. Only my brother and I had kids and both of us only had two. That doesn't make us self righteous. I don't go around telling people to not have more than two kids, but having SO many because you get off on all the love is ridiculous. I get plenty of love from the two I have. If my husband and I have another do to a slip up in the contraception department, I will love the heck out of that one as well. If I feel the need to have more children we have already decided that fostering/adoption will be the route we take.

Further, I did not suggest that Holly was not taking care of all of her children. It sounds like she is doing a great job of handling her passel of children. But to the posters who say there is no over population problem or it isn't their concern, get your heads out of the sand! I won't go into statistics or logic or any other "ics" because it wouldn't make a difference if someone has made up there mind to be ignorant of the facts. We only have one world, people, and we are ALL responsible for it.

I love Rants from Mommyland. I will continue to read it regularly and post when it suits my fancy. I will not pretend that I agree with everything that someone writes nor will I keep quiet when I disagree with what I am reading. Usually I get a giggle, a chuckle, or a full on "Laughed so hard I peed my pants" moment out of it. But that doesn't mean we can't also be thoughtful about what we are reading and seeing in the world. And I can guarantee that there are plenty of others who read this post and agree with me.

So let's get back to the children we DO have and continue to teach them that their planet is important and we are all stewards of Earth.

If, as you suggest, you want to have a discussion about overpopulation then you should be able and willing to provide the knowledge you have. I find it very insulting that you assume no one would be swayed by evidence, as people make up their minds based on the information they have. I hope you canb see how it is counter- productive to call people ignorant and then refuse to share what you know. I've also found that often when people debate in that way, what they really mean is that they don't actually have any proof to back up their statements.

I have three boys - ages 6, 4 and 20 months and my husband just got back from his second our in Iraq. I got the "You have your hands full" comment a LOT. My favorite thing to say was, "You should see the other 5 at home." Shuts 'em up every time.

I had a college professor once say that the greatest crime against humanity was to have more than two children. At this point I raised my hand and said, "If my parents had subscribed to your theory, I wouldn't be sitting in your class. I'm the youngest of 6." Like I tell my boys, there will always be people who try to make you feel bad for doing something good. The trick is to never ever EVER let them.

I am guilty of counting, I'll be honest. I will NEVER do it again!! I promise! I am in awe of you, you are awesome and frankly population is really a non-issue. With so many people choosing to have only one or none at all I fear that we'll continue to close schools and there will be less opportunity for our kids.

And Michelle Duggar is calm and serene because I am certain that Jim Bob slips some vallium into her orange juice every morning...

I'm a mom to 6 kids...I can so relate to this. The comments never do stop. I don't understand why people even think u care about their opinion. We get all kinds of looks as were all piling out of our suburban. (Its like they just keep on coming) then people say with the price of gas, we shouldn't drive such a gigantic vehicle. Well we couldn't all fit in a slug bug (your it...na ah I've got bug spray on) now could we? And another comment we get is the one where they say there must be something in the water...There are some very stressful times, (like trying to get out the door or everyone to bed) when they are younger. But now that my children are older, we are even busier with each childs sports schedules and such things. Enjoy every minute. I have a t-shirt that says "Too Blessed to be Stressed" and its my new motto!

There's an amazing dynamic found in large (functional) families that isn't found elsewhere. These siblings become adults who don't have to be told that the world doesn't revolve around them! As for over population... The U.S. is the only "first world" country to have a(barely)sustainable population (2.1) - all of Europe and Japan is way below sustainable - some of those countries are offering incentives for people to procreate more.

Great read, I have the opposite problem. I am mom to an only child and get similar snarky comments. Most annoying are the ones that assume my life must be so easy because I only have one! Really how do you figure that? Wish folks would learn to filter their comments and not be so judgemental.

Just what I needed to read! I went from laughing out loud to crying. I have four kids and feel like a freak show when we are out in public. I also have the guilt...thank you for putting it into perspective. I love that "siblings are a gift". Great read!

As a mom to 4, I get many of these comments, too. I was the middle child of 6 and I love every single one of my siblings. I wouldn't trade our big family for the world! I love when people say, "So you're done now, right." (half question, half statement) and I say, NOPE! As long as you can care for your children & support them, its no one else's business how many you have.

And to the anonymous poster above: justify however you like, you were just being spiteful with your comment. You absolutely deserve to get slammed; who do you think you are to tell someone else that they have too many children? I'm pretty sure that's not up to you, in any way, shape or form. You need to climb down off your high horse & take your nasty, jealous comments to another blog. Just because you don't want all the joy & love that comes from having a large family doesn't make someone else irresponsible for having one. Shame on you.

Love this... I don't have more than three, but I get the same comments. I've had people tell me my husband must be doing so well to afford it all, as if I should sit down and lay out my finances for them!! I find that stupid people lurk in normal places... I Loved the idea of domestic enemies of the boys mom... But maybe broaden it up to the high spirited child's mother.... Because I could share pages... Like the teacher who trains your kid using fruit snacks, but then doesn't understand why a few minutes later he is even more off the wall!!!! Thank you for sharing this... Thank you for the humor and warmth and especially for sharing about the guilt... I'm gonna go line my three up look them in the eye and hug them... That way I'll be sure I did it! :0).

I'll admit, I've counted. I come from a religious tradition where we tend to have a bunch of kids. I've stopped at three and get a lot of good-natured comments about how someday I'll want more. I won't. But thank you. Mostly when I count, I think, "Man. I wish a little bit I was that kind of awesome." I didn't have more because I fear my mental health would go out but I am in genuine awe of women who do it and do it well. And even when you've lost your patience and everything you own is broken or dirty, if your kids feel happy and secure, you are doing a great job.

And for the "Anonymous" comment that has already gotten at least half the flack it deserves, its important to note that however honest and well-meaning your dissent, part of the joy of this blog is that we all get to support each other in spite of our differences. We're all just doing out best, and this really is the last place to pass judgement. I'm sure you are a very nice and caring mom, but let's remember that we all come here to feel validated and safe.

I only have half the number of kids you do ... so feel like half the mom ... but I still feel your pain.

Chimpansloths -- absolutely the perfect name.

And I simply quit cleaning house. Doesn't get over the guilt (or the incipient OSHA violation) but at least that is one rock I'm no longer pushing uphill. "You want friends over? You have to slash and burn the living room first, or they'll get lost and you'll have to send out a search party for them."

I think big families are great. They look fun considering I am an only child. I could only daydream about what it would be like to produce my own big family. You see it takes a village to raise a family. Help. Emotional support. A supportive husband and grandparents are a necessity. I have two kids I adore that we purposefully spaced out three years apart because of financial responsibility. I also had postpartum depression after my last. Instead of offering support when I have a normal complaint about the doldrums of raising small children, my folks (grandparents) warn me not to have anymore! Seriously, who says that?!? Support is imperative. And I've never made a rude comment to a mother with several kids at the supermarket. Each to their own and we all try to stay strong no matter what our family size.

My father is the oldest of 12 kids, and while I wouldn't have the stamina for a family that size, I can say that I wish DH and I could afford to have more than the two we already have. We're going to my dad's family reunion this weekend, and the absolute chaos of all the siblings, their SOs and kids and grandkids being in one place is fantastic!

This is one my favorite Mommyland Rants by far! All moms, I don’t care if you have two, three, or twelve kids, you are feeling this blog today! I have three boys (and one angel-baby boy) and I get that “your hands full” line all day, every day. I’m oblivious to it at this point (people really don’t know what to say so it’s naturally the first thing that comes to their minds). I know I’ve said it myself. Most people don’t have a freaking clue how enriching, loving, and fun a big family is. I wished for years my own mom would have another baby, as I was an only child for nearly 12 years until baby sis came along. My boys are never lonely and will always have each other long after my husband and I are gone. Big families are great.

As for that sick thing, I just recently saw a clip from Kate Plus 8 where all her kidlets got seasick and were upchunking all over the place. Reminded me of my house during flu season. Good times.

Coming from a family where I was the eldest of two...and all of my cousins also being a boy/girl group of two, I was astonished the first time my guy told me was was the 2nd of 8 boys...EIGHT, in this day and age? To me (in my stupidty) that was unreal and I *may* have asked the mother if she was trying to have a girl. (actually, she was and luckily wasn't offended, but she did want all 8 of her boys too). Being around the guys ranging in age from 35-14 is truly awesome. I've heard stories and tales that make me a bit jealous I only had the one sibling to get into mischief with!

I have to admit that before I met them, I was with the unthinking majority who simply didn't understand "larger-than-average" families. Now I know that it's awesome being a part of such a great family!

Thank you THANK YOU THANK YOUUUU!!!! I was just telling my husband the other day that MommyLand needed this post as we have 3 kids (4,3,1) and are expecting #4 in Dec. I swore after #3 that it was it but then he became such an awesome little guy that I really did want to do it all over again and now I am not even sure we will stop there! I get really really tired of the expectation that one would be happy with the "All American Family" ie. One boy and One girl. HOW BORRING!!! for me anyway. Oh' and if you have two girls and try for a boy and get it, why oh' WHY would you ever want to have #4??? Thanks Again!

^^^^"Only my brother and I had kids and both of us only had two. That doesn't make us self righteous. I don't go around telling people to not have more than two kids, but having SO many because you get off on all the love is ridiculous."

* Having two kids doesn't make you self-righteous. Telling people that their large family is killing the planet, while your smaller family isn't -- THAT is what makes you self-righteous.

* You pretty much DID tell all of us not to have more than 2 kids. Ah, that magical "perfect" number of children.

* Do you REALLY think that even 1 out of every 10 parents of large families had their children to "get off" on lots of love? WTH? Though I will point out, if life isn't about perpetuating love, what IS it about?

And you just KNEW you would get slammed, yet you posted something inflammatory anyway. Niiiiiice.

Thank you so much for posting this!!! I have 5 kids and was nodding my head in agreement with every single enemy listed. I started getting crazy looks when I only had my first two, boy/girl twins, and people made comments about how I could stop already. I really had to deal with nosy, rude people when I was pregnant with blessing #5. Yes I get counting and questions when I take them all out in public, which I always swear I will never do again, but I love each and every one of them so dearly. I'm not always calm and someone is almost always mad at me. I could use a couple of the Duggar girls too.

As for Anonymous. No matter how innocently your comments were intended, they came across as hateful and self-righteous to those of us with bigger families. The beauty of living in America is that our right to have as many children as we want still exists and is not monitored or limited by our government.

To the anonymous gal who got slammed...I think you have great guts to say what you think and say it politely (because you did). More power to you!

I personally agree with the overpopulation sentiment 100%. And as I am always the lady with "zero" children waiting to push my shopping cart past a circus of one adult and numerous ill-behaved, half dressed rugrats, I wish more women would understand that sometimes you get a negative stereotype for a reason: because many times it is true.

I wish I were as polite as Anonymous...I guess I am just tired of being attacked by matriarchs of large, rowdy, obnoxious broods when I venture to disagree with their opinions.

All of the stories I can remember from Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents revolve around every family having at least 10 children. None of them were rich, they raised good people, and they had full, happy lives. I enjoy those stories. I am pretty sure that this was the norm back then. So really, people are having less children than they used to back in the day.

I cringe at families like the Duggars, but I have to say that it's none of my business how many kids each family has. The only part that bothers me is pimping out the large family on TV to make money.

I have two boys and that's plenty for me. But just like no one has the right to ask me "why don't you try for a girl", I don't have the right to ask questions, either. (And once someone did ask me that, and I replied honestly that I *did* have two girls and they both died before they were born. Boy does that shut 'em up!)

I love the comments. When I was pregnant with #4 and had my 1, 2 1/2, & 4 yr olds with me a man in Home Depot said " you need a TV in your bedroom". He wasn't being spitefull, just funny, but the comment still floored me.I agree with one poster above that there should be a "Domestic Enemies of the same-sex kids" blog. I have all 4 girls and constantly get asked when I'm trying for the boy or which one is our "boy". Some people! Thanks for this post- very funny

I love the part about "siblings are a gift". I only have two, and even though on occasion they are terrorizing each other and I can't help but think how much simpler it would be with just one, I also have many more moments where I watch them chasing each other around the house giggling the whole way and think how much they love each other and how many wonderful years to come of "built in best friend" they will have together.

I will say this anonymous: I have four beautiful children because my family just didn't feel full until number 4 came along (since her I don't get that "must have" feeling every time I touch a newborn) and we recognize that there are a lot of people on this planet and we added to that more than most. Instead of complaining to people about their choices we make changes ourselves. We only drive when we have to go out of town, we live in a city that is regularly below 0 for 8-9 months out of the year and we do it on bike. We grow or raise most of our food and thanks to the popularity of chickens it has become a whole lot easier to do. We are very cautious about our water usage and use solar panels and wind turbines for our electrical needs. So, let me ask you this, if you are so concerned about overpopulation and it's effects what are you teaching your two children about how they can actually make a difference? I mean, aside from making comments on a blog to get attention. Oh hell, I'm getting that "must have" feeling again . . .

That was an awesome post! I love seeing large families. I wanted to have more, but we were blessed with one. Although we do like her a lot, so it worked out. ;)

Thank you for calling the hand sex out!!!! I am for purity, and teach my child that. But I remember having that same hand sex in movie theaters when I was a kid. That was lustful as the day is long!

As far as overpopulation, someone is just repeating either bad science or lies. The population is in such a decline, there may not be enough young to support the old. Many countries are already there. We are almost there. Do research if you want to know the truth.

I would like to say, as the baby of 10 - my parents are farmers and Catholic that I absolutely adore having 9 older brothers. I always had someone to play with/talk to/argue with... we are close in age just 12 years between all of us and no multiple births (amazingly) I can say now my parents have 14 grandchildren and another 2 on the way. Family outings are so much fun ~ as is our 2 week stay on the OBX where I think the store owners rub their hands in glee and the restaraunters hide in terror. I don't think I could handle having 10 children like my mom but 5 would be ideal. However in this economy it looks closer to 3 ;)Love ya ladies

@No Kids No Problem, wow, that was harsh. I mean no disrespect but if you have no children, obviously by choice considering the No Kids No Problem, is this really the blog for you to be following? Just sayin'.......

I love this! I am a mother to 5 boys and feel truly blessed to have everyone of them! I get a lot of shocked expressions when I tell people that not only do I have 5 children but they're all boys! They're even more shocked when I tell them that it's possible that I'll have more! It's my life and my family plain and simple. I don't have a warehouse sized house, a restaurant sized kitchen, or a laundromat sized laundry room like that family on tv. Still somehow we manage. There is dysfunction and disarray but there is also love and laughter in our home.

Just to let ya'll know, it was not I who judged her for having 6 kids. ;)

I think it's awesome. I've always wanted a big family, but God blessed me with two kids and the knowledge that I can not handle more than two. Is it offensive to say I have mom friends with more than 4 kids? I do, and I love doing things with them, one of the ones I admire most has adopted 10 children and I am in awe of her every single day. My Mom is one of 12 kids and that side of the family is now huge, more than 150 of us all together. We try to get together at least once a year, all of us, and we're a pretty tight knit group. It's great.

So rock on, Holly. I love you! And chimpansloths? That's the most appropriate term ever. That is exactly what I am raising. My 6 year old can balance a stool on top of a chair to get to the top of the fridge but he can't carry a half full glass of milk 5 steps to the table without dropping it. Ugh.

I love all of these Domestic Enemies posts. You all have me laughing and looking at all the different sides of our parenting joys and struggles. My husband and I had infertility issues and our singleton is our own personal miracle. She's 8 now and I can't wait for a Domestic Enemy post for moms of singletons. While I don't think I could handle that many kids I applaud and bow to those of you that can and do! What I wouldn't give to not hear "so, when are you having another one?"

Having 6 kids in 8 years makes me start to hyperventilate but I'm happy that you are such a wonderful mom to your crew. If I had that many chimpansloths running around I would need the next train to the looney bin. You rock! And I looovvvee that pic of the Duggars :)

While I LOVE this blog and found this article funny, I also find it sad that this mom of 6 decided to be a domestic enemy of families that are large due to religious beliefs. I'm far from being a fundamentalist Christian, however, I admire the Duggars and the families like them. If I could keep my temper for 20 seconds the way those parents do, my children would think I was a victim of "Invasion of the Bodysnatchers". After I watch one of those episodes, as I wipe away the tears of being an inadequate parent, I make a pledge to try to be more patient and kind to my brood. Not trying to be a hater, I admire anyone with more than 3 kids...I just wish writers wouldn't knock other families while writing about people who knock theirs. Keep in mind...those teenage girls that are helping with the little ones were once those 6 kids under 8 you're dealing with now.

Chimpansloths!!!! LOL! I love it!! that is it exactly!!! I have only 4 but we get treated like it's a ridiculous amount all the time! We are now at the blissful stage of having a 12 and 13 year old so I can leave them at home while I run out and it is amazing!!! But when we had 4 under 6 there were times I didn't think my husband would come home to the same number of people as he left!!!! Good for you!!!

i can't wait to have a big family (we already have two). and not because of some high from love and affection, but because they are wonderful. rearing several intelligent, open minded children is doing a FAVOR to the general population, as well as to each other. everyone needs a support system - large families are support systems unto themselves.

i don't see what harm large, well taken care of, families are doing to our precious planet that single children families aren't doing as well. i am sure there are large families more environmentally conscious than small families and vice versa.

the circle of life moves forward with or without population overgrowth.

thank you for your honesty Holly. i love reading your blog, you are an inspiration.

I heart everything about this. I have three girls, and my husband and I are totally open to the possibility of more. And to anyone who offers unsolicited comments and judgmental glances, they didn't push them out, and they aren't raising them, so why is it their business? Oh right, it's not.

Wow! I couldn't even imagine! The thought of having another kid makes me want to square up on my husband's boy bits! My two boys make me so crazy I swear I would have eaten them already if they weren't so darned cute!

However, I do have one question (and I hope this doesn't make me a villain or Domestic Enemy or whatever) but are you Moms and Dads of humongous families using cloth diapers? Please? I hope I hope I hope? Because the environmental impact of all those diapers is kind of killing me.

They can be a bit of an investment in the beginning (made them a hard sell for my husband), but you save so much money in the long run and again, GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT!!! Hurray! Can't go wrong.

Now, don't all get your knickers in a twist because not everyone who reads this post finds your family choices to be something that we agree with. When we are doing things that impact our world, the only planet our children will inherit from us, it IS all of our business. Let's do our part to keep it a stitch cleaner.

Can someone PLEASE write the Domestic Enemies of the Stepmom? Because if one more person asks me when I'm going to have "my own kids" after I've been raising 2 kids for the past 4 years, I may Lose. My. Mind.

I'd be glad to write it, but it wouldn't be worthy of the Mommyland stamp, I'm sure.

Girl, I tell you this all the time but you are so funny and your words are so true... you really should write a book! I LOVE reading your posts and am so happy your kids are blessed to have such amazing parents. Love you guys!

I would like to strongly urge those who really think there is an overpopulation problem to do some careful research using current sources. Just because your sociology prof said as much in the late 70's doesn't make it true.

Kelly L posted a good link, but I'll add a link to a National Geographic video. The entire current population of the world could fit in the city of Los Angeles.

Thought on overpopulation: Yes, some parts of the world are overpopulated, but my theory has always been that a large family who is conscious of the environment can be less wasteful than many smaller families.

And to the person who commented about the "circus of one adult and numerous ill-behaved, half dressed rugrats", I take offense. A large family does not a circus make. My children were always well-behaved in public and we received numerous compliments when we went out. They were always well-groomed and fully dressed, thank you. There are plenty of families out there with one or two kids who could use some lessons in hygiene and manners. It's not the size of the family that matters.

I now have six teenagers...19,18,16,15,15, and 14(no twins). This blog really brought back some memories...I used to get asked if I ran a daycare when I would take my kids out for the day.

I know I'm a bit late to the comments, but wanted to say "you go, moms of big families!" I'm a mostly sahm of 3, and I feel like insanity is only a whinge away so I have much respect for all you moms who can keep it together with a great sense of humour.

As for the haters of big families - you really should do your homework before spouting meanness. Over population is more of a region-specific thing. Click on the link someone else has posted above. Many developed countries are having decreasing birth problems, btw. Duh.

My husband and I have been blessed with 6 wonderful kids: 2 girls ages 32 & 28 and 4 boys ages 25, 22, 19, & 16. (I used to say I had 4 boys in a row because God has a sense of humor.) You wouldn't think we'd be such a close family with 16 years between the oldest and youngest, but we are. When you get the question "You know what causes that, don't you?" Watch their faces when you answer "Yes, I do know. And I like it!"On family outings my husband would be leading the way and I would always bring up the rear. I called it herding the cats. I was fairly paranoid about leaving a child behind; you get that way with that many kids. One time, counting heads and missing one, I asked "Where's .........?"(whoever was youngest at the time) I got the answer "You're holding him, Mom!" (like, duh, mom!) They won't let me forget that one. BTW, old habits die hard, I still bring up the rear on outings, no matter who I'm with. We only have 3 boys at home now, so I only have to get 6 gallons of milk a week, instead of 10 or 12. Yes, it probably would be cheaper to get a cow, but I don't think we're zoned for that! My girls are both married with kids of their own now. They are still quite close to their brothers. All the brothers are fairly frequent visitors to their houses. Their little ones adore their uncles and the uncles are wonderful playmates and babysitters. Grandma & grandpa can be part of the furniture sometimes when the uncles are around.I measure a lot of my life around when I was pregnant or nursing one kid or another: my husband was laid off when I was pregnant with #5, so I went back to work full time when that one was 4 mos old. Yes, money was short all the time; our house was a zoo most of the time; I did more yelling than not. I gave up on cleaning long ago....still have yet to get back into it. But I wouldn't trade my noisy, chaotic, wonderful large family for anything in the entire world!

As a mom to 5 kids full time and 4 step kids part time which in a month is like 3 weeks out of a month (equals 9 for those that are counting!)I can say my life couldn't be sweeter!! Sometimes there are hard times but like i said above i get to see my children experience new things over and over and over and over and over!! I am so glad I married a man with kids of his own and I had kids and we have the Brady bunch beat!!! I just gained kids without labor and delivery! And to all the domestic enemies SHOVE OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE YOU JACKHOLES!!! Seriously I have had all the questions like do you have twins in the group? No I don't they are just so close in age because our family is blended. Are you babysitting? No they are all mine are you offering tho? You children are so good you have to believe in corporal punishment with that many? No I do not I have just tried my hardest to put values in them my husband tells me I am a push over all the time. How do you feed them all, um I cook and give them plates how do you eat? My favorite is How big is your house!?!? Six bedrooms 2 bathrooms a formal dining room, eat in kitchen and a den thanks! Oh an no the living room is not a bedroom either LOL! So to all my moms with huge families UNITE!! I am playing but seriously no we are not the Duggars, no life is not as easy as she shows it. Yes my oldest helps me with the littlest like filling a sippy or getting me a diaper but not without much attitude cuz he is eleven going on eleventeen! haha! There are no nannies here no grandparents no none of any of those. Just me and my husband. the only one crazy enough to watch my brood is my brother and then by the time he is done he is always like next time is a H#LL NO! or No way I am watching your girls they are drama queens. Ok I am done bragging and ranting! LOL later!

The days are long, but the years are short. My youngest is six and in school full time. After 26 years of having a little one home with me, I thought I would enjoy the peace and quiet, but really I miss the pitter patter of little feet all day long.Enjoy all those extra hugs. They grow up way too fast.Mother of nine (same father, none adopted, and "yes" we know where they came from!)

Thanks so needed to post this on my face book page. As we are now expecting baby number 6 in our home and boy the comments have flown our way. What are you thinking? WHY!!?? Really just go on a Vacation? Love the Reality TV comment and the comment that i must be board. As if 5 kids don't already keep me busy enough.

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