Ah, stem-cells. Scientists propose that they may be able to help cure diseases, regrow damaged organs inside a human body, even teach white men how to dance like they know what the hell they’re doing. Alas, our President has vetoed bills that would allow for expanded research into stem-cells, as he will not “use government funds to sanction the destruction of life.”

No word yet on whether the President has come in contact with the irony of the situation, given that billions of dollars have gone to pay for the destruction of American soldier’s lives, as well as the lives of the men, women and children of Iraq who don’t happen to own any WMD’s.

Also no word yet on how private companies that independently research stem-cells are able to get away with ‘the destruction of life’ and not being thrown in jail for Blastocyst murder.

Even though America’s fertility clinics house some 400,000 frozen, unwanted embryos that, if not harvested for their stem-cells, are scheduled to be literally thrown in the trash.

Not to mention the fact that, when a couple that’s having trouble getting pregnant decides to go with in vitro fertilization, dozens if not hundreds of eggs are destroyed in the process.

What we’ve discovered at Weekly Review is that the President, intent on keeping scientific progress down to a bare minimum unborn human life safe from evil scientists that want to experiment on 24-cell ‘people’, has begun hoarding the Blastocysts in his White House bedroom. Apparently, he’ll keep them frozen and out of the reach of stem-cell researchers until he can find a mother for each and every blastocyst out there. We take you now to the White House bedroom, where President Bush is singing a gentle lullaby and putting his little Blastocyst family to bed for the night.