Winning Trip Is Easier Dreamed Of Than Done

Visions of hulas. As vacation time draws near those traditional mixed summertime emotions are back.

Everybody wants to get away, enjoy a change of scenery. But nobody wants to dip into the family inheritance to finance two weeks of motels and tourist traps.

Imagine the tingles of excitement then when this classified ad appeared in Brevard's The Little Paper: ''Win a trip to Hawaii just for trying our water purifier in your home for one week. No obligation.''

Perfect. Prayers answered. Finally, an exotic vacation in a faraway place for free. Got to be worth, oh, probably three grand, minimum.

All on the company. Won't cost me a dime. Says so right here in the paper. These nice guys just want to put a water purifier in my kitchen for a week. Don't have to buy it. Nothing reckless.

Whole thing's very simple. Great advertising and everything for the company. Just send a few dozen Brevardians to Hawaii and just think of all the houses where you could get to demonstrate your equipment.

Let's see. If they send just two dozen folks to hulahulaland that's 24 times $3,000. Hmm, $72,000. Sounds a tad high, but what the heck? Chalk it up to advertising, eh? Honey of a sales idea. Got to spend a buck to make a buck, Dad always said.

Called the phone number in the ad. Hand shaky. Brow moist. Butterflies flitting in the stomach. Visions of ukelele music and grass skirts dancing in the head.

Guy named Patrick answered the phone at National Safety Associates office on U.S. Highway 1 in Cocoa.

''I'd like one of your Hawaiian vacations,'' I said, fighting to keep the tremor out of the voice.

''So would I,'' he replied. Count that as Big Trouble Hint Number 1.

''Your ad says I can get one just for letting you put a water purifier in my house for a week.''

''That's right, then we put your name in for the NSA national drawing. Hawaiian Holiday Sweepstakes. Seven days. Airfare, hotel and spending money.'' Drawing? Where does it say drawing here in the ad? Big Trouble Hint Number 2. But still not time to throw in the pineapples.

''How much spending money?'' I asked.

''Don't know. Company's up in Memphis. Been manufacturing water purifiers 17 years.''

''Does this mean I might not get a Hawaiian vacation just for having a purifier in my house for a week?''

''Might not.'' Patrick was pleasant enough about it, but quite clear on the point.

Big Trouble Hint Time had ended. Reality Time had arrived. Hopes dashed, I hung up. The doorbell rang.

''Afternoon, sir. I'm with the Lookidup Encyclopedia Company. People next door just enrolled in our program and as part of our advertising campaign in the neighborhood we'd like to give you a free demonstrator set for your home. May I step in and tell you about it? No obligation, of course.''

''No, thanks, I'll just use the neighbor's set. Besides, I'm going on vacation next week. To Oviedo.''

Breakfast of champs. Why is it that so many Yankees have a hard time adjusting to grits for breakfast? Don't understand it myself.

George Hovey, who is 72 and used to live in Philadelphia before he came to his senses, was sitting the other day in Fat Boy's on State Road 520 west of Cocoa.

He remarked that he ''always thought grits was something that you fed to the chickens.''

''Where'd you ever get that idea?'' I asked. Figured he was pulling my leg. But I wasn't sure.