Ash vs Evil Dead (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - Brujo

1
This book
is a gateway to hell.
Can you, crack open the undo spell?
It's probably somewhere near the back.
I'm a fucking cop!
Eligos!
- Oh, shit!
- Nobody move!
We're just a little busy here.
My uncle is a shaman,
we called him El Brujo.
He would say
that only one man would
rise to stand against it.
Go back to hell!
Come on.
What?
What'd you do with the cop?
Looks like you get to kill
another cop after all.
Hello.
Who the hell are you?
I'm your new best friend.
Hey.
Hey Kel, you don't look too hot.
You good?
Pull over. Now.
Ah, make sure you project it.
Don't mess up the clear coat.
That's it. Just get it all out.
I think that we should
take you to the hospital.
Pfft, please.
I got a tiny concussion back there, okay?
I'll be fine. It'll pass.
Drive, Miss Daisy.
Yes, sir.
Pablo, music.
Well folks, we're eatin'
a real shit sandwich now.
Pablo, I hope your weird Brujo uncle
can help us out,
'cause me no likey bein'
responsible for everything bad.
Yeah, me no
likey that either.
Ah, we're close.
Whoa, what's up with your radio?
Nothin', like any high quality automobile,
you just have to hit the dash a few times.
Damn.
God damn it.
- What is happening?
- Oh, it's all good Kelly.
You just relax.
Get out of there!
This is my car!
Twelve more payments and she's mine!
Oh, dip.
We got a drafter.
Hang on.
- Oh, shit!
- Look out!
Ah, whoa!
Oh! Jesus, Ash!
Do something!
Oh, I'm gonna do somethin' all right.
What are you doin'?
Pablo, hit that switch.
What? What is it?
- It's nitrous.
- What?!
Have you ever used this before?
Not yet. Hit it!
Here we go.
Suck on that bitch!
What's happening?
Give it more gas! Give it more gas!
That's all the gas I got!
Don't forget we're haulin'
a small house behind us.
Aw, crap!
The old bird is breakin' down!
Hang on. We're next.
Keep her going! Keep her going!
The Brujo's property's coming up!
Come on, baby! Come on, baby!
Turn right! Turn right!
Is it gone?
Where is it?
The Brujo keeps talismans
on his property to help
combat dark forces.
We should be good here.
That's the same thing that
tried to kill us at Value Stop.
- What the hell is it?
- What the hell is it?
It is hell.
It's Pure Evil.
Great.
Yeah and it's not gonna stop,
until we put it right back
where it came from.
Demonic spirit enters a body and
they become that.
Which happened to my partner.
Yeah, I wanted to tell
you that day in the diner,
but you weren't ready to believe me.
Weren't ready to believe yourself.
No, I wasn't,
but I do now.
You know this guy
we're both searching for,
Ash, he's behind all of this.
30 years ago, at my parents'
cabin in the woods,
he killed my mom, and my dad,
and my sister Annie,
letting loose these horrible things.
Jesus.
And ever since then,
I've been looking for vengeance.
He disappeared for a long time.
I thought he was gone.
You!
We know who you are!
You are
You know you and I both
want the same thing.
Ash Williams.
Maybe we could help each other out?
All right.
Let's get this motherfucker.
Your end is near,
motherfucker!
Well, your uncle has some
freaky taste in artwork.
I can see why you left.
The Brujo thought
I was a fool for leaving.
He said that I was turnin'
my back on my heritage.
Now I think maybe I did.
I was just tryin' to find
myself outside of this place.
You know I wanted to do great things,
but instead I ended up
working at the Value Stop.
Hey, hey, you were
in the electronics department.
That's the big time.
Pablo?
Hola TÃ­o, bendiciÃ³n.
I've been expecting you.
Have you?
Two days ago, an ill-wind
whispered your name.
Curious how you abandon your faith,
but come back for him.
Ash Williams.
Go easy on him, he's a good kid.
Go easy?
Pablo has always taken the easy road.
Mira TÃ­o, perdÃ³name.
Okay, you got every
right to be upset at me.
I completely dismissed
everything that you did here,
but I was so wrong, and I know that now.
Do you?
When I was a kid, you told
me tales of great heroes
who fought against the darkness.
Jefes.
I think that Ash is one of them.
"When Evil shows up, it blows up."
Still workin' on the slogan.
I actually kind of like it.
Come closer.
- Closer!
- Oh, Jesus.
The flame is dim, but it flickers.
All right. Nice.
No.
It's not bright enough
to illuminate what you seek.
You're weak, lazy,
selfish, forgetful,
foul-mouthed, and sometimes
you shit
Plus you're slow.
Old.
You have lost a step.
Hey, ah, Brujo, thanks for the opinion,
appreciate it.
Now you can take it,
turn it sideways, shove it right up
the old poop chute.
You gonna help us or not?
Por favor, TÃ­o.
We need you.
You okay?
I need an Advil. Like, right now.
The girl's unwell.
Tend to her.
Come, I'll look inside of you.
Good, check the old prostate
while you're in there?
Ah, boy, that one's just
a barrel of laughs, isn't he?
Santo padre usted lo ve todo.
Speak what you know,
while knowing that you know nothing.
Okay.
I know that I summoned something very bad,
and I'm lookin' to undo
whatever I done did.
You, making dinner there, muchacho?
Ash, you're a dolt.
Is that good?
Only because you have no idea
what power you truly possess.
Many underestimate you, don't they?
Well, at first, yeah,
but then they either end up in my bed,
or dead.
Total lack of self-awareness
will make very difficult
to find the answers you seek,
but we must try.
Buena, buena, medicina.
Buena, buena, luz divina.
Drink.
What's your poison?
This will help you look into those places
where answers might hide.
It's called ayahuasca.
Ayahuasca?
You want me to take an acid trip?
It's hallucinogenic medicine.
Not a drug trip.
Oh, yeah. Sure, sure.
Is it free?
Buena, buena, medicina.
Buena, buena, luz divina
Okay, here's mud in your eye.
Medicina, buena, buena, luz divina.
Buena, buena, medicina.
Buena, buena, luz divina.
Buena, buena, medicina.
Buena, buena
Smooth.
Okay, so,
I ran to the storage shed,
and I found somethin'
to take your mind off
how crappy your head feels.
Check it out, bam!
I don't really think this
is the time for video games.
Don't worry,
we are not gonna be playing.
We're gonna build Ash a new hand.
Surprise him!
Maybe I can call in a favor
at the precinct,
check records if there's
any amputees in the area.
I think I might have something
a little more useful.
Why wood?
Can you even get this wet?
Oh, shit!
- Is that?
- His real hand.
Okay, it just, it just moved.
It's been still for almost 30 years.
Just recently it started twitching.
I think it's tryin'
to find its master.
So we stand a very good
chance of ending this thing.
Well, I gotta say boss,
I'm feelin' a bunch of nada here.
I mean I had like three
bagels for breakfast,
so maybe the bread
is soakin' everything up?
How 'bout one more cup?
Focus.
The medicine can open your mind,
but it can also destroy it.
Trapped in your own
personal hell for eternity.
Okay, so maybe a half a cup?
Shh.
Enough talking.
Buena, buena, medicina,
buena, buena, luz divina.
Or maybe you could just give me a little
root-toot-toot of what
you're smokin' there, chief?
Buena, buena, medicina,
buena, buena, luz divina.
Buena, buena, medicina,
buena, buena, luz divina.
Buena, buena, medicina,
buena, buena, luz divina.
Buena, buena, medicina,
buena, buena, luz divina.
Buena, buena, medicina,
buena, buena, luz divina.
Buena, buena, medicina,
- Oh, boy.
- buena, buena, luz divina.
- Buena, buena, medicina,
- Uh, hey bud,
- you got a little
- buena, buena, luz divina.
- Buena, buena, medicina.
- Oh, bud, you got,
- you got a little, a little
- buena, buena, luz divina.
- Somethin' rollin' around in there.
- Buena, buena
- What is that?
- Buena, buena, luz divina.
- Oh, yeah.
- Buena, buena, medicina.
Why do you have an eyeball in your mouth?
Buena, buena, medicina.
- Buena, buena, luz divina
- Don't, no, no, don't.
- Oh, no, you
- medicina, buena
Don't eat the eyeball, Brujo.
Well I'll be
Just say no.
Hey yeah, baby.
Ayahuasca!
Where the hell am I?
I'm blind!
I can't see, my eyes! They won't open!
Ash
the key to look inside yourself
is to see without sight.
Oh, yeah.
Easy for you!
After all, I'm a man,
- and you're a woman.
- Ah, sure.
So what do you think, kid?
I love it Ash.
Who's here?
I feel funny about being here.
- Where are you?
- Champagne
Oh, oh, who's there?
Don't touch me!
What's happening?!
Let go of me!
Okay, time for the trip to be over!
Go back to Kansas!
Ash, control yourself.
Stop being a bitch, and act like a Jefe.
You're-you're bein' a bitch, dude!
How you survive up to this
point in your life?
What?
Something is attacking you,
what do you do?
You-you shoot first, and think later,
or don't think at all.
Yeah, "shoot first, think never."
Then do that.
Just be.
Exist inside yourself.
Free your mind,
and your ass will follow.
The kingdom of heaven
is within!
Oh, shit!
What the hell are they?
Free your mind and your ass will follow!
Back off!
Yeah, that's right.
Back off or I'll shove this chainsaw,
so far down your throats
you'll be shittin' bumper
spikes till Christmas!
Good. Free your mind!
Now you're taking control of your journey.
- Your ass will follow.
- Follow that to a safe place.
Follow, how?
It's your trip, Ash.
Yeah, it is.
Sweet shithouse mouse. Is that?
Your spiritual center, Ash.
The place that makes you most happy.
Jacksonville, Florida,
it's everything I ever dreamed of.
Well, sure.
So tell me Ash, what's
so special about this place?
Oh, uh, well, actually, I've never been.
See I booked this vacation
there about 30 years ago,
but then I took a girl up to a cabin,
and my life has never been the same since.
Oh. What could have been.
It is here that you will find your answer.
Thank God, 'cause I
Whoa, I got two hands!
Brujo, I need two beers!
This is so dope.
Look how tight that looks.
This is comin' along so nicely,
I think I'm gonna add
a couple more useful items,
like a, uh, screwdriver,
and a, uh, and a laser pointer.
- Yeah.
- Maybe a spray nozzle,
for whatever hair dye he thinks
he's foolin' us with.
Have you seen his pillow case?
It's totally black.
It's like his head is made of coal.
Or ashes?
Are you okay?
I'm fine, I'll be right back.
What the fuck is happening to me?
Oh God
Kel?
Hey, is, uh, everything
all right in there?
Kel?
Kelly, are you good?
Hello?
Hello?
Kelly, are you okay?
Hey, Kel, if you don't answer,
I'm gonna have to come in.
Whoo! Jesus Christ!
Fuck!
You scared the shit out of me.
Are you all right?
Yes, I feel much better.
Yeah, you look much better too.
Um, ah, not that
you looked bad, uh, before,
just, ah, worse than now, in a,
you know, kind of, sick girl kinda way.
Not like an ugly girl.
Anyway you know what I mean,
you just
much improved.
Ah, okay. Speaking of improved,
I think I just figured
out my light source
Or I just need a new battery.
I need some more juice.
I got it.
Thanks.
Okay.
Here's where you find what you seek, Ash.
Ah, that's great.
Hey listen, if it's cool,
I just wanna sit here and enjoy
this place for a while.
I've always wanted to spend time in
"the city so nice,
they named it Jacksonville."
Stop screwin' around
and pay attention.
You're about to discover
how to undo all this.
Eli! You can speak?!
In here I can.
It's your trip, Jefe.
Nice, you know I've always
wanted to talk to you.
Just don't mention
the stuff I do in the trailer
when we're there alone.
Never.
All right then.
Hey, grow a hand, grab a beer,
time to drink!
Ah, where's the beer,
and what the hell is this doin' here?
It's the answer you've been seeking.
You have to bury it deep, deep,
below the place where your journey began.
Oh yeah, I'm gonna take advice
from a talking lizard.
Hey Brujo, wh?
Brujo?
Man, you're steppin' on my buzz!
Eli, quick question.
Are you a guy or a girl?
Brujo, Brujo!
- Hurry, help!
- What?
It's Pablo! I-I think he got electrocuted.
I don't know, but please,
- he needs your help!
- Okay, okay.
Ash is in a good place. Just watch him.
I'll be right back. Okay?
Mentirosa.
The fuck?
Fuck, this isn't Jacksonville.
Who the hell is that?
Oh, dripping donkey balls!
Come on, man! This is my trip!
The hell are you doin' in here?!
I'm in your mind now.
Get him out, Ash,
or you'll be stuck
in this nightmare forever!
Jeez! What the fuck?!
Hey, I'm not a stock man anymore.
I'm not gonna clean that up you know.
Oh, oh, hey. You better stop.
These jars are breaking you know.
Hey, hey, hey! No, no, no!
Hello, Ash.
Oh, no.
Not you again.
Get out of my mind, will ya?!
Too late!
This is how you die!
End the nightmare now,
or he will take full control of your mind!
Oh, what do you know?
You got a brain the size of a pea.
He hasn't won yet.
It's still your trip, Ash.
Hey, yeah.
Thanks for the reminder.
My house, my rules.
Lil' Lori gonna watch you die!
Not today, doll face.
Lil' Lori gonna!
Hey, how's that workin' for ya?
Yeah!
Who's fuckin' with who now, huh?!
What's that?
Oh, you can't breathe?
Well that's the idea, dick wad!
Help!
Ash, stop, stop!
Ash, stop, please!
Stop!
Ash!
Find the answer.
I'm sorry.