Archive for May, 2013

It was the hand of destiny that led me to Mother’s holy presence. After my husband left this world suddenly, leaving me in charge of four little children, my life was in chaos. I lost all interest in life and was actually bed-ridden through mental agony. I felt helpless and desolate. I knew I must drag on this life somehow or other for the sake of my children, but I did not have the courage to face the sad realities of my life. To get some peace I tried to read religious books, but I found that I could not concentrate my mind even for a single moment. On seeing my desperate state, my friends, Mr. and Mrs. T. N. K. Nair suggested my approaching Mother for mental comfort. The horror of meeting anyone made me hesitate, but due to their persuasion I consented to go.

One fine day in November 1950, I was taken to her divine presence by my noble and loving sister-in-law. Words cannot describe my feelings of that first darshan of Mother. I was drawn to her by an unknown force. I felt a joyous thrill when I heard her sweet and majestic voice. I became conscious of her divine nature. Mother’s bhajan was soul-stirring and brought comfort to my troubled mind.

The next day dawned for me with a new hope, for, I was to have an interview with Mother, the Mother, who, I was told gave comfort to ailing souls like me. With trembling steps I went to the room, where Mother was sitting. On seeing the wonderful love and compassion for me on her divine face, I forgot myself and wept my heart out at her feet. Mother comforted and consoled me while tenderly stroking me as a mother her own daughter. I do not remember how long I lay at her feet. At that divine touch the first dawn of peace soothed my tortured heart. Suppressing my emotions, I became eager to hear Mother’s advice. Mother asked me to repeat Ram Nam with all intensity and faith and with the absolute belief that the divine name of God alone could bring peace and happiness. Mother told me of the transient nature of all worldly happiness and that eternal joy existed only at the lotus feet of God. I sought her blessings for carrying out these prayers sincerely. My heart, full of thanksgiving, I returned home. With all sincerity, I strove to act according to Mother’s advice. Days rolled on. Each day, I experienced a change for the better. There were moments when depression set in and I cursed even my very existence, but, then, the smiling face of Mother would appear before me, asking me to be brave and act according to her advice. My sincere prayers and the japa of ram nam gave me strength to face life again and to endure the hardships that beset me.

A few months after, in September 1951, Mother blessed me with initiation, and I became her disciple. I surrendered completely at her lotus feet. The eternal Mother is enshrined in my heart ever since. I became a changed person. As I look back, I find how surely and steadily the divine guiding hand moulded and still moulds me, how that wonderful transforming sakthy of Mother’s initiation made the veils of illusion fall away to reveal the essential truth. Every moment of my life I found that she was presenting me with fresh illuminations as to how to cultivate the godly qualities, and lead life in the light of her messages. She has given us the small circle of home to practice, these cherished ideals, to live a life of utter purity and dedication to God, and implant these high ideals in the children and those around us. Then she has given us the broader circle of the mandali to radiate that divine love and unity, to cultivate the bond of sisterhood and brotherhood. For years, I used to be in daily attendance in the mandir at Trichur. Circumstances prevent me now, as I have to be away from Trichur. I feel a great void in my heart. The evenings I spent there were blissful. I felt her presence there, ever radiating peace and fresh strength, needed to carry on the duties of life. In the company of her devotees I felt the bond of her love, binding us, as one big holy family.

Day by day the full faith and conviction is growing in me that she is Devi The Mother Divine, descended on the world to resurrect truth and dharma, to give succor to numberless suffering souls like me. Endurance, patience, peace and strength, all these are her gifts to me. May I live a life of full dedication to her who is my Mother and the Mother of all, and prove myself worthy of her boundless love and grace.

“Salutations to you, O, NarayaniO, You who are the good of all good,O auspicious Devi, who accomplish every objectThe giver of refuge, O three-eyed Gouri.”(Devi Mahathmya)

It was past midnight. The clock struck the hour of two. Clear moonlight played in the precincts of the house. There was dead silence everywhere. I was half awake when suddenly I heard a rhythmic silvery sound at a distance. The sound was getting more intensified and coming ever nearer. I was completely roused from my slumber. I looked through the open window. There I beheld the figure of a lady of medium height, a majestic, radiant figure, completely clad in pure white. The figure came slowly from the western side and went straight to the eastern part. I was only six feet away when she passed beside me. And to my utter amazement, I saw her turning suddenly and enter through the door into the hall. The door was heavily bolted from the inside! The figure went straight towards the prayer room at the end of the hall and entered the prayer room. There too the door was locked on the outside. The tinkling silvery sound ceased after her entry into the prayer room!

It was the night after the cremation ceremony of my beloved mother who had passed away towards evening. A few of my relatives too were sleeping soundly in the same hall after the ceremony. The mysterious incident I had witnessed was so real and vivid. It was no dream or phantasy, for, I was fully awake and alert as the figure passed through the hall. I was dazed and dazzled. I lay awake with open eyes, unable to move or speak. Who is she? She cannot be the spirit of my mother who passed away the previous evening. My mother had neither worn a sari, nor anklets on her feet, in her lifetime. Then, who is she?

That was eighteen years ago. Yet the incident is still etched clearly in my memory! Years rolled on and one day Mrs. T. N. K. Nayar, my sister-in-law, wrote and asked my wife and myself to accompany her and her husband to Tellicherry for the darshan of the Holy Mother Sadguru Sree Rama Devi. I had heard wonderful reports of the Sadguru from them ; how the mother with her spiritual powers had cured the nervous troubles of my sister-in-law ; how her husband too had taken earnestly to spirituality under the Sadguru’s influence.

We reached Tellicherry. Mother was waiting at the entrance with eager welcome on her face. We paid obeisance. I was stunned, my mind dazed. I moved about as one in a dream-for, there before me was the figure clad in white- the same form I saw in the middle of the night in my family house at Parakkadavu !-I kept silent, nor did I reveal my bewildered thoughts to any one. The same evening we attended Mother’s bhajan for the first time. Mother in a sublime mood of spiritual exaltation walked to and fro giving a discourse on spiritual themes. Again she was the same figure, I saw walking to and fro in the middle of night! Again came the question? Who is she?

An year later my wife and myself were initiated by Sadguru at Trivandrum. We surrendered completely to her. Months rolled on and one day I received a telegram from my brother-in-law T. N. K. Nair informing me that Sadguru would be visiting my abode, at F.A.C.T. residential quarters Eloor, Alwaye. I received Mother and Mr. and Mrs. Nayar at the Cochin aerodrome and took them to my house. Mother was to leave the same day for Trichur, but, at our earnest prayers, decided to leave only the next day. The whole time my mind was in a turmoil with the question as to who my Sadguru is! Many of her disciples worshipped her in diverse ways. My family deity was Durga Devi. My deceased mother too was a great devotee of Durga. I determined to ask Mother whether she was not the incarnation of Goddess Durga-my family deity-who had appeared that night to bless my house, eighteen years back!

Mother was in her room. The others were away busy with various things. The eagerness to clear my doubt was so intense that I was drawn irresistibly to the hall near her room, in the hope that Mother may come outside. Suddenly she herself called me and said “ Doctor, you need not have any doubt. I am the same you think me to be! ”

In 1958 July, I had a serious illness. Though I recovered from my illness, I became completely nervous. Soothing drugs gave only temporary relief. I took leave and even thought of sending in my resignation, if I did not get any better, for I was quiet unfit to carry on any duty. I was eager to meet Mother and after writing and fixing up an interview with her, my wife and myself left for Mangalore for the Sadhana session. We were called together for the interview. I could not say anything! As never before I felt in Mother the divine Motherhood of God, and myself a desolate child, in silent appeal before her. I heard my wife explaining to her my nervous condition and my utter inability to attend office. With a look of infinite compassion and blessing I saw Mother rise and approaching near me-the radiant figure of that night years back! I felt her gently stroking my head and back. I felt almost unconscious for a time, and torrential tears poured from my eyes. I do not know how long I was in that state. When I came back to myself I was a different man. From that moment I was free from my nervous complaints and joined duty before the expiry of my leave.

At that divine touch my vision cleared. Out of her infinite love she parted the mystic veil that covers her real nature-the ever blissful Durga, self-effulgent in all her glory. Durga-the universal Mother, self-revealed. Durga-our family deity, worshipped in my family, from time immemorial! Who is she? Who else is She?

This intimate and sacred experience, I would have treasured in the innermost recess of my heart. Now, as a humble offering of devotion and gratitude, I share it with Mother’s devotees on the occasion of the golden jubilee of her divine descent to save mankind!

“ Salutations to you! Oh Mother Durga!Whose golden anklets’ silvery soundPervades the three worlds with music-‘Om,’Save us from error, Oh Devi! And guard us-As the Mother-from all evil.”