Foreigners take interest in Canadian politics, and all it took was zombies

Zombies convince foreigners that Canadian politics are interesting

One week after Foreign Affairs minister John Baird pledged in the House of Commons to keep Canadians safe from zombies, the affair has acquired the rare distinction of being a Canadian political story that is palatable for foreign audiences.

The episode, which occurred on Valentine’s Day, began with a zombie-related query from NDP MP Pat Martin on the floor of the House of Commons:

“I don’t need to tell you, Mr. Speaker, that zombies don’t don’t recognize borders and that a zombie invasion in the United States can easily turn into a continent-wide pandemic if it is not contained.

So on behalf of concerned Canadians everywhere, I want to ask the Minister for Foreign Affairs, is he working with his American counterparts to develop an international zombie strategy so that a zombie invasion does not turn into a zombie apocalypse?”

“Mr. Speaker, I want to assure this member and all Canadians that I am dead-icated to ensuring that this never happens. I want to say categorically to this member and through him to all Canadians that under the leadership of this Prime Minister Canada will never become a safe haven for zombies ever.”

“Canada To Zombies: Drop Dead, Eh,” wrote National Public Radio soon after the exchange, adding “the undead aren’t even welcome in the ever polite Great North.” A Spanish news website treated the event as just another example of political silliness from across the Atlantic:

Following news that Americans petitioned [U.S. President Barack] Obama to build the Death Star, the Canadian parliament has debated the possibility of a zombie invasion.

Elsewhere, reports delivered the news in mock deadpan. “The Canadian Parliament tackled the critical issue of an impending zombie invasion from America,” reported a United Press International story. The German broadcaster Tagesschau wondered how a “landmark political decision” from Canada could have escaped official attention abroad.

Wrote the U.S.-based Hispanic news site Latinos Post:

While the U.S. was busy arguing over President Barack Obama’s stricter gun control proposals, considering comprehensive immigration reform, and frivolously discussing the merits of standing in approval versus sitting in bitter resentment, Canada was doing something that actually mattered.

On CNN, political commentator Dean Obeidallah eschewed nuance altogether with a humour column befitting a Kiwanis Club newsletter:

Plus, keep in mind that if even only a few zombies make it over the border, these “anchor zombies” will create more and more zombies. This is a threat to our very existence. I’m not just talking the danger of them eating our brains, which could happen. I’m talking about the greater risk they pose to our federal deficit because they will want handouts from our government.

Even the National Post‘s own David Frum weighed in with a political dissertation on the zombie cause.

Baird speaks of “zombies” as a monolith, ignoring the subtle but important differences within the zombie movement. Some zombies eat both flesh and brains. Others eat brains only. Some zombies were living human beings as recently as an hour ago; others have been undead for many centuries. Some moderate zombies will be satisfied with just a leg or an arm. Others will keep munching until the whole carcass has been gnawed to the bone. A foreign policy worthy of the name would recognize these crucial distinctions.

Canada’s brief parliamentary debate over zombies is arguably the first time the issue has reached the federal level of a G8 nation, but the last few years have seen a growing trend towards real-life institutions (including the B.C. government, the Centers for Disease Control, U.S. retailer REI and an ammunition manufacturer) approaching the prospect of a zombie apocalypse with surprising earnestness.