Things have been rough here lately. I won’t bore you with the details but the basics are: Harley has been a NIGHTMARE, some plans that I thought were going to come to pass never eventuated and my children have been at constant loggerheads for WEEKS now!

I sat down in the sunshine this morning with a pen in my hand and my journal so I could write it all out. I just wanted to purge myself of these depressive emotions and helpless thoughts..

I was chatting to my Mum on the phone afterwards and she commented and how similar my words were to that of David’s Psalm 13 in the bible.

I giggled as I told her that I had just finished writing a poem and I read some of it out to her on he phone.

But mine is definitely more of a 2011 version and more specific to my current issues. The main similarity is that I too have been asking God why on earth he is not answering my questions and why he seems to be hiding from me!

…….

Is it meant to be this flippin’ hard ,

I need to catch a break

The constant strife and sibling wars,

Are more than I can take!

.

Poor Ella says she’s had enough,

And really wants to leave,

I know exactly how she feels,

I’d also like a reprieve.

.

Just simple tasks like getting dressed,

Result in big explosions,

Of tears and kicks and hits and cries,

And un-controlled emotions.

.

Each day I swear it’s getting worse,

My patience is wearing thin,

Does it really improve? Or is that just a joke?

Will we EVER start to win?

.

I thought by now we’d start to see,

Improvement NOT back-sliding,

So why do I feel like I need to go,

Retreat back into hiding?

.

We’ve got the cards of visual clues,

Stuck up on every surface,

But still we fight and tempers flare,

Do we honestly deserve this?

.

What will it take for them to see,

They’re tearing me apart?

Every stupid whinge and silly fight,

Stabs right into my heart.

.

I KNOW that God has said he won’t

Forsake or leave my side,

But I cannot seem to find him here,

Maybe he’s hidden beneath my pride?

.

He also promised that there is,

A great plan for my life,

His will isn’t for me to be just another,

Exhausted mother and wife.

.

So even though it hurts so much,

I’ll choose to seek His face,

And look to Him and his guiding light,

Until I complete this race.

.

.

Psalm 13

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, 4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. 6 I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me.

My little boy has his bag packed,
His clothes are all laid out,
He cannot wait til school goes back,
It’s ALL we hear about!
.
He’s busting for this break to end,
He asks us EVERY day,
“How long until I see my friends,
So I can go and play?”.
.
“Just three more sleeps” is what I said,
This evening when he asked,
“You’ll have to wait now GO TO BED,
and dream of your new class”
.
“But Mum!, I can’t sleep – it’s much too hard,
My brain just won’t slow down,
I’m thinking about school and playing in the yard,
With my bey blades and sharing them around”
.
So I turned to my boy and I started to say:
“I know you’re excited son,
But you’ve got to wait until this Monday,
So….try to sleep…Before you know it….it will come .

……………….

We went and met his new teacher today.
All good so far.
We have our fingers, toes and everything else crossed that it stays that way !
I pray that this excitement of Harley’s carries through the hard, anxious and sad times that may come.
🙂