Ello

First, congratulations to me. This morning as I was getting dressed, I realized I needed to throw away (or give away) some clothes that were way too big. I haven't worn them in a couple of weeks. That's always a great feeling. I honestly don't know why I didn't do this low-carb thing sooner. I suppose I wasn't ready. Then I was. When I started to care about me, I started to care about how I presented to the world. It was quite the long road even getting to the point where I cared enough to make myself a priority. I rely on the trickle-down effect to care for all those under my umbrella of responsibility. (Kids, horses, dog, other obligations)

Second, a thought struck me as I was preparing for my morning meditation. I was a tad grumpy because my coffee machine had gotten clogged, so when I got up to get my coffee (pre-set the night before to brew at 5:25a.m.) there was a big mess to clean up, thus eating into my meditation time and making less coffee available to me this morning. Since at least a cup of it was all over the counter.

Then, as I sat there about to drink it, I noticed that I wasn't relishing the first sip as I usually do. Because I was thinking about the upset at having to clean it. Just prior to that and also later, since for the initial clean-up I just threw some paper towels down and decided to finish the job later. And I was worrying about whether there'd be enough coffee, as I used the last of the beans to make that pot. And so, I wasn't noticing the delicious coffee in the cup just below my nose.

I realized that the only thing ruining that moment was that I was focused on all my other perceptions about that cup of coffee, and how I felt about them, and utterly failing to savor the present moment. I was in the past. I was in the future. They both sucked. Because that's what my head does, of course. Anticipate the feelings of the future based on past experience. I'd unconsciously decided the coffee overflowing was an inconvenience worth being upset about. Things were bad. All bad. I was already running out of coffee too soon before I'd even taken my first sip. I was already cleaning up a mess and hating it. I was sitting in bed, candle burning, dog resting quietly next to me, ready to begin my favorite part of the day, and it was ruined. It wasn't my perfect moment that I've come to look forward to. Obviously, today wasn't starting well.

Except it was. The coffee in front of me, and the mess the coffee-maker made, were two separate things. Yet I'd linked them in my mind. Tainting the coffee I was about to drink with my feelings about something entirely different. It made me wonder how many other things I link together that don't really go together. How many other unconscious associations do I make in my mind every day? I'm willing to bet hundreds, if not thousands. The "if-then" fallacy. What would be the effect if I separate everything out in my mind? Parse the present with micro-precision. What part do my perceptions play in cause and effect? What is really true?

I aim to find out. Remembering this coffee/coffee-maker incident will be a good way to make me step back and check my thoughts, assumptions and reactions going forward. A good lesson for today's meditation.

By the way. I never even finished the carafe, and clean-up was not a big deal. Took 2 minutes.