Tag: men

Prior to the start of our relationship series we asked the question, “what is your biggest personal fear?” The results are in, and while fear of failure and rejection came in a close second and third respectively, the majority of women responding said ‘being alone’ was their biggest fear. So we thought we’d kick off week two of our relationship series by digging deeper into those results.

We’re assuming here that by being alone, most were talking about being single – as in without husbands, mates or significant others. And if that’s the case, the question then becomes, if we fear being alone, are we doing everything in our power to make sure that’s not how we end up?

It’s interesting that while many of us fear being alone, finding companionship is one of the areas of our lives where we’re the most passive. In almost every other area of our lives, we intentionally go about getting the things we need and want.

So, after a week of asking women at forty a host of relationship based questions, here’s what we’ve come away with…

We asked about passion, and you said – Passion is still alive…even if it doesn’t pop up every day. And you haven’t given up on finding and keeping passion alive in your relationships, it just takes a little more work at 40. There are careers, kids and bills to think about, and sometimes passion takes a back seat. Single women at 40 said chemistry and passion are still really important when dating and starting relationships, but unlike in our 20’s, it’s not the only important factor.

At the beginning of the week we posed a host of questions about relationships and we’ve gotten a lot of great answers. We’re learning that women at forty aren’t afraid to be honest about their relationships and what works and what doesn’t. Today we’re sharing a few your answers…

Have you ever asked a guy out? Why or why not? We received the most responses to this question – here’s some of what you had to say…

“Yes, but I’m not comfortable with it. Plus I worry about the future with a man who is interested but doesn’t even have the initiative to ask me out himself.”

“Of course!! I didn’t meet my husband until I was 32. Lord knows I wasn’t going to always wait around for the man to ask. Although, I will say it’s nicer when they did. 🙂 “

From juggling the ticking of biological clocks while waiting for “the one,” ala Jennifer Lopez’ The Back-up Plan, to dating and marriage in the age of social media, to shunning or embracing cougar status, for women at 40 the relationship world looks a lot different now than it did in our 20’s and 30’s.

Let’s see, there’s Twitter and Facebook, E-harmony, Match.com and yes folks even… onlinebootycall.com. There’s freezing eggs, frozen sperm and surrogate mothers. In the media there’s Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher and on TV there’s Cougar Town and Accidentally on Purpose. And in the news, there’s a constant stream of stories about infidelity. Many of us were heartbroken when we learned that Jesse James was unfaithful to Sandra Bullock, who just weeks prior had beemed publicly that her husband “had her back.” We even took it a little personally since Sandra waited until she was 40 to get married.

It seems everywhere we turn we’re inundated with images, stories and advice about marriage, single men and women and dating – some good, some bad, and some, just plain old ugly. So what’s a woman at forty to do? This week we’re exploring relationships 2.0 – relationships in the age of social media, cougar culture and changing mores. And we’re asking some serious – and not so serious – questions, like:

Remember the high top fade and its edgier cousin the gumby? Well, if you were fans of Kid ‘n Play and Bobby Brown, pre- “Bobbaaaay?!!” then you know exactly what we’re talking about. They were the haircuts sported by some young men back in the 80’s and 90’s, and they were sexy. At least we thought so.

How times have changed and thankfully so have our tastes. What we found sexy at 16, 21 and even 30, probably isn’t what we find sexy at 40. So we asked, what do you find sexy in a man? Just so you know, that hip area, just below the six pack abs and right above the ehem…(modeled perfectly here by The Backup Plan’s Alex O’Loughlin) is what we find sexy. Here’s some of what you had to say…