America’s Greatest Resource

Sorry, it’s not even boomers who bitch about how much better music was back in the day.

Yes, they’re all close and fairly related to the actual greatest resource, but, to be fair, without America’s actual greatest resource none of that would be possible.

And that resource is: opinions.

Ever flowing, constantly renewable, and free to all who happen to be within earshot of the nearest American!

Makes your heart beat a little faster, don’t it?

Welling up with American pride as I speak, aren’t you?

One of those rip-roaring, toe-tapping, flag-waving country-western songs are playing in your head right now, isn’t it?

Have I told you recently how good you look in those pants?

See? Even nice ones seem to pop up when you least expect it and, frankly, seem a little cloying. I mean, you may look awesome in those pants (which, hopefully, you are wearing) but if you actually gave a shit about how I felt about your and your crotch coverage choice you’d ask me.

Why do I think you’d want my unsolicited comment about anything? What makes me the arbiter of fashion? What makes me think you need to hear from me about any topic?

My fucking ego, that’s what bitch!

I think whatever I think needs to be expressed like a fetid boil.

I am, after all, the foremost expert on everything and you would only benefit from my words of wisdom!

Evidence to the contrary notwithstanding.

I’ve had people I wouldn’t let mend my pants give me medical advice. People who’s eyes couldn’t decide among them which planet to focus on give me life advice. People who have never said anything funnier than the opinion they’re giving me at that moment tell me how I should have written a bit.

I’m not saying all unsolicited utterances are useless (“Look out! He’s got a gun!” is one I’ve come to appreciate) but do you think I give a shit you hate the TV show I am currently enjoying? Seriously? I made the effort to sit in front of the TV, singled out this program, was probably in the middle of a chortle, if not full blow guffaw, and you decided I should be informed of your opinion?

I am not sure that is in your best interest. Yet, being polite, I wouldn’t tell you that. I’d just wait until you turned to leave in disgust and punch you in the back of your fucking head.

I honestly don’t care what you think of what I watch; how I dress; how I comport myself in public or your imagined private. I might if your opinions were actually helpful or, let’s be honest, not actually veiled insults.

Yes, it’s true, you do look good in those pants. Unlike all the others you have that made your ass look like you’re smuggling marshmallows. Not that the ones you’re wearing alleviate that problem. It just looks like fewer marshmallows.

What got me thinking about opinions this week (it does seem like a reoccurring subject, doesn’t it?) was, of course, an opinion.

I was at dinner with half a dozen or so people. I didn’t know half of them so pretty much ignored them. I do that more for them than myself. Just like my opinion I know it’s sometimes best to keep myself to myself.

It’s a fairly polite, not very rousing but not unpleasant, series of conversations until dinner arrived. I don’t know about you but I don’t give a shit about what others are eating. As long as there is no tossing of it in my general direction I won’t even look at it.