Odds & Ends

By Devin D. O’Leary

Dateline: Romania—An elderly man is racing against the clock to change his name, fearful God won’t recognize him come Judgment Day. Scarlat Lila, 78, from Voloseni was adopted at a young age and now wants his birth name, Scarlat Pascal, restored. “It is well known God calls you by the name you were given when you were born, and when you are baptized, and when I die I will need that name,” Lila said. “At my age, I have not got much time left, so I am hoping they do not take too long.” Despite his insistence, local authorities have stated Mr. Lila needs to present more serious grounds for them to approv e the name change. “He needs to give a normal reason for his request,” City Hall representative Teodor Zaharia said. “Saying that you do not want to have problems once you die is not enough for us to approve this.”

Dateline: Louisiana—Plumbers, beware! The Cajun-country town of Delcambre is making it illegal to wear saggy pants. The town council last week approved setting penalties of up to six months in jail and a $500 fine for being caught in pants that expose undergarments or certain parts of the body. Mayor Carol Broussard said he plans to sign the ordinance into law. Albert Roy, the councilman who introduced the ordinance, said he thought the fine was a little steep and should be more in the $25 range, but he still backed the measure. “I don’t know if it will do any good, but it won’t hurt,” Roy told reporters. “It’s obvious, and anybody with common sense can see your parts when you wear sagging pants.” Several residents of Delcambre have objected that the ordinance unfairly targets blacks who may wear low-hanging pants because of their popularity in hip-hop culture. Mayor Broussard disagrees, saying, “White people wear sagging pants, too. Anybody who wears these pants should be held responsible.” Broussard did offer some simple advice to avoid the steep ass-crack fine. “Just wear it properly. Cover your vital parts. I mean, if you expose your private parts, you’ll get a fine. If you walk up and your pants drop, you get a fine. They’re better off taking the pants off and just wearing a dress.”

Dateline: South Carolina—A Bluffton woman who woke up to find profanities written on her arms, legs and back ended up in jail last Thursday. According to a Beaufort County Sheriff’s Office report, the unidentified woman’s husband scrawled the words on her with an ink pen while she slept. When she woke up and saw the markings, she flew into a rage and started fighting with her spouse. The two eventually began wrestling, which ended with the woman biting her husband on the stomach and back. She admitted to police that she bit her husband twice and then threatened him with a wooden board. The woman was released from jail the next day.

Dateline: South Carolina—A 25-year-old Hilton Head Island man is accused of breaking into an apartment, stealing assorted items and then calling his mom for a ride home from the crime scene. Isaac Talavera, Jr. was spotted by an alert neighbor who called 911. A Beaufort County Sheriff’s deputy located the getaway car and arrested the burglar. Talavera was charged with second-degree burglary after officers found 13 pairs of socks, two cell phones, two tank tops, cigarettes, car keys, a watch and vehicle titles stolen from the apartment. His mother reportedly told deputies her son paid her $10 for a ride because he didn’t have a car. She also insisted she was unaware he had just committed a crime. Just before the pair was pulled over, Talavera handed her a bag containing syringes and a crack pipe so he wouldn’t be in violation of his parole, the police report stated. Talavera was found in violation of his parole anyway and is being held in Beaufort County Jail while awaiting trial.

Dateline: Wisconsin—A robber in the town of Grand Chute was arrested after stealing an unusual shopping list worth of items from a Copps grocery store. Police were called to the store last Thursday about 11 p.m. after witnesses said a 46-year-old man threatened employees. The workers said the man gestured as though he had a concealed gun and told them he would shoot. The man left, loaded down with 12 bottles of whiskey, two heads of lettuce and a digital thermometer. Officers found a vehicle in a nearby neighborhood that matched a description given by store employees. The man, who lives in neighboring Brown Deer, was taken into custody and identified from store surveillance video.