The surprising personality types who lie the most

We know sociopaths are prone to dishonesty, but did you know people pleasers are some of the most persistent liars, too?

Photo: Gone Girl

We’re all guilty of lying – and if you claim otherwise, well, that’s a lie in itself. Whether it’s a half-truth, an omission, over-exaggerating or skipping over parts of the whole story – for the sake of peace, or not – most of us like to think we bend what’s real (and what’s not) for a good reason: to protect someone’s feelings, to ‘keep the peace’, or because the whole truth – and nothing but the truth – might cost us a relationship that’s important to us.

But when does a little white lie or an embellished recount cross over into dangerous territory?

According to psychologist and spokesperson for the Australian Psychological Association, Meredith Fuller, it’s “when it causes harm, when it distorts reality and when it becomes dangerous in terms of misrepresentation.”

“If you are not sure about the boundaries you’re blurring between small falsehoods and actually lying, you’re not in touch with your own reality – and that is dangerous.

“Otherwise, if you use it as a technique to get out of things – so you do not own up to who you really are – that is cause for worry, too,” says Fuller.

But Fuller says that not all liars are cut from the same cloth.

And while popular culture has made the pathological kind famous (we’ll get to those in a second) there are other personalities who spin stories more regularly than you’d expect – for reasons that you wouldn’t.

First up, there’s ‘the people pleaser’

“They’re the ones who’ll say ‘Oh yeah, I’ll stay overtime and do that work’, or ‘Yes I’ll be happy to go over that report’ and they’re lying because they find it less intimidating than saying no, and because they don’t want to hurt or disappoint others.

“This is harmful because really, this makes them feel hurt and angry. Their needs are not being met – so for them, unlearning this behaviour and telling the truth becomes about developing assertion and fostering their self-esteem,” says Fuller.

This kind of lying is particularly common with our friends. We all know someone (or maybe we’re that person) who says yes to things we don’t really want to – and then pull out, often at the last minute. This comes across as flaky, and can create the impression that a person is unreliable – even though they had no intention of attending the commitment in the first place.

The habitual liar

Another personality type prone to lies are simply those who’ve fallen into a habit, says Fuller. “They continue things that are built on misrepresentations because they feel it’s easier. This category of liars might have fallen out of love with their partner or hate their job, but they think ‘I don’t want to lose the person I’m living with because I won’t manage on my own’ or ‘I have to pretend how much I love it at work because I don’t have another option’,” says Fuller.

This kind of lying builds, and has inflated consequences as time goes on.

The fearful liar

Sometimes, persistent lying comes from a place of fear – someone is not telling the truth because they are walking on eggshells around the person they are lying to. “You might be dealing with a very difficult person, so we lie to avoid their bouts of range or anger,” says Fuller.

This is a very destructive situation – for the intimidated and for the intimidator – and it’s not good for either party to continue in this kind of relationship.

“Deception – of any kind – is harmful,” says Fuller. So, even if you are being deceptive in the name of self-preservation, “remember – communication is the key” to any positive relationship, and this interrupts with that process.

The drama queen

Now, this might surprise you but this personality type – who’ve always had “the worst morning of my entire life” or “literally almost died” – don’t really pose much harm, says Fuller. “They’re fine, they just like to be the centre of attention,” says Fuller.

Where it gets dangerous, she says, is when they start manipulating a situation or start to be rewarded for not telling the truth. “It crosses the line when they start lying for survival, and can’t see a way out,” says Fuller.

People also lie to re-gain control over a situation

If you are engaging with someone who you feel doesn’t take your needs into consideration, it’s common to lie so you feel like you’re asserting yourself. It could be as simple as someone who expects you to meet up at a point that’s convenient for them, and not you, so you lie and say ‘I’m busy’ to exert yourself – however passively.

“This is, again, much easier than being honest. But both sides of the relationship need honesty to have the trust,” says Fuller.

The pathological liar

“Pathological liars have no empathy,” says Fuller. So before navigating this minefield, remember that “they don’t care about the person they’re lying to, they don’t particularly care about themselves and lying is fun for them – it gives them a charge.”

“For them, they like to see what they can get away with and they love deception. They are very sick,” says Fuller.

“Ultimately – pathological or not – lying is really destructive because you’re not being present in that relationship. You are not trustworthy and if people can’t trust you, your relationships – and your social life as a whole – will suffer.”

Right. But what if you notice you’re lying all the time – and want to stop?

“Ask yourself – why do you want to lie? Find out what’s behind it. Is it fear? Are you angry? Are you not coping with a certain scenario in your life, that you need to remove yourself from? What’s at the bottom of it?”

“One thing you can do is go to someone you trust and say to them that ‘I’m afraid that the first thing that comes out of my mouth is a lie and I’m afraid that I do it and I hate when I do it and I want us to have a good relationship – can you help me work on this?’”

“Otherwise, go to a psychologist and say ‘I’m having problems with integrity and honesty to myself and to others. I don’t understand why I’m doing it – and I need help.’”

“It’s about understanding these things earlier, rather than later. People get caught in little lies and then things take on a life of their own. But ultimately, the sooner you address things, the more chance you have at saving a situation – or a relationship,” says Fuller.