One of the challenges of parenting is figuring out when to accept your children as they are, and when to push them to be more. Here are some guidelines and suggestions for how to begin to set healthy expectations for your kids, and for yourself.

Verbal abuse is derogatory language with the intent to humiliate, hurt, and/or undermine. It robs the other person of their dignity and sense of security.

Mostly, verbal abuse occurs in anger; sometimes it occurs with cold calculation (in which case, the abuser is much more of a threat to another’s well-being and that relationship should be terminated immediately.)

I’m going to address the former situation: Where abuse occurs in anger, when self-control is lost, and the person is remorseful afterward.

The tips I’m going to give apply to both the person doing the abusing, and the person being abused, because ending abuse while remaining in the relationship is actually a collaborative effort.

As parents, we’re trying to do a million things to promote the well-being of our children. Mental health, though, often gets short shrift.

Not all mental health disorders can be avoided (genetics do play a role here.) But their impact can be lessened, and in some cases, prevented altogether.

If you’re thinking, Oh, no, not one more thing I need to do, on top of making them do their homework, driving them to activities, etc.–good news. These tips aren’t time consuming, and they fit right in with the rest of your life.

It seems like everyone is throwing around the word “narcissist” these days. And it might seem harmless enough, but actually, it’s bad for the people being mislabeled and the people doing the labeling.

To find out if you’re really involved with a narcissist, find my more exhaustive checklist here. In this blog, what I want to do is distinguish between true narcissism and a myriad of other things that can mistakenly be called narcissism, and explain why misidentification can be costly for everyone involved.

Here’s a quick checklist to know if you’re addicted to a toxic relationship:

You have more bad moments than good but you can’t let go because you’re always chasing another fix of the good.

The relationship depletes rather than energizes you. It takes away from other areas in your life.

You lose resources (emotional, financial, interpersonal) but no matter how great the cost, you continue with the relationship. You can’t seem to make rational calculations.

When you try to leave, you can’t seem to follow through; you go through withdrawals. You cave, and you relapse.

You pretend every time you make up, it will be different. You consistently ignore the fact that the past is the greatest predictor of the future. You will be back there, in pain, again. But you have selective memory (i.e. denial.)

You’re lying to your friends and family about the way you’re being treated; you’re minimizing the pain so they won’t turn against your partner, or urge you to do what you already know you should do, which is end the relationship.

OR you’ve alienated good people in your life who don’t want to stand by idly and watch you suffer anymore.

In my recent novel, “Don’t Try to Find Me”, social media plays a significant role. And for many of us, it’s hard to go a day without being on some form of social media.

The act of posting and hearing back from others can be a form of connection and validation. But recent studies suggest that from a mental health perspective, the act of liking others will give us more of a boost than waiting for others to like us.