In my heart of hearts, I know he doesn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but man, sometimes he knows just how to pierce my soul.

We got back from a truly epic family adventure last night…late last night. As we got ready for bed, my daughter, who had been a major wreck the last two hours of the day, asked that Daddy take her to bed.

My son immediately dissolved into tears. Keep in mind that he spent the last four nights sharing a bed with my husband. I told him very gently that I would take him to bed and Daddy would come give him snuggles after he put his sister down.

More crying.

My heart broke a little. It seems silly, I know. But on our trip, he went on almost every ride with his dad. I got ONE ride and that was by default. (My daughter freaked out and my husband had to take her out.) I asked for hugs and kisses; I got none. I wanted to hold his hand, he ran to his father.

My feelings were hurt…by a five year old…who is not doing it on purpose.

So I sat in the dark after he turned off the tears and cried my own tears.

“Hey Mom, aren’t you going to sing me a song?”

I didn’t say anything. Then I started to sing. He was happy and then told me he loved me.

I know he does. I do. And he spends every day with me. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. But if given the choice, he’ll pick Daddy every time.

My heart knows he loves me. But sometimes the emotions get the best of me.

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9 Responses to The time my five year old broke my heart, a little

Torisays:

April 15, 2014 at 2:54 pm

Your story make ME cry a little. I have a 9 month old little boy and every day I think about how I’ll always have the memories of him being brand new and really needing me but he won’t remember and it breaks my heart a little. Already there are things that are only funny when daddy does them… I love hearing his laugh and seeing their relationship but I do feel a little jealous, I’ll admit it!

Sarahsays:

April 15, 2014 at 2:57 pm

I can’t speak for anyone else, but it makes me sad already when my son prefers his Dad over me, and he’s only 9 months old. I know he just misses him and he’s around me all day and night as well. But it still stings. Daddy also gets jealous of the baby taking me away sometimes. I assume it’s all normal.

Heathersays:

April 15, 2014 at 4:45 pm

Oh Erin, I totally feel what you’re describing… and there’s a real sting to it. I’m a SAHM with two amazing kids. We have tons of adventures and I make sure that they have fun, friends and a healthy dose of stability in their daily lives. I know they love me dearly, but I sometimes it feels like they will choose Dad every time if given the option. And it kindda hurts… even though I know they aren’t trying to stab me through the heart. My kids (5 and 3) seem to go through phases where they have a “favorite”. For the longest time my 3 yr old would climb into bed with us in the morning and snuggle up to me and even fall back asleep… oh, how I soaked it up. Suddenly, he now just wants dad. Sigh. Hang in there momma.. you seem like a fantastic mom and I’m sure those cute kiddos know they’re lucky and blessed to have you!!! Know that you’re not alone in this frustration or crazy for feeling the way you do. It’s only natural to let emotions get the best of you. Because you love your kids.

Also, have you shared your feelings with your husband? He can play a very important role in encouraging a positive change in these touchy dynamics. Sometimes a gentle comment coming from dad like: “you sit with mommy now and next time you can sit with me” goes along way. This way it’s not just you asking and getting turned down. Teamwork makes the dream work

JWsays:

April 15, 2014 at 5:37 pm

Oh Erin I feel for you! My three and a half yo daughter is such a daddy’s girl. She wants him to do everything for her even though I stay home with her. There are so many times it breaks my heart, but I know she loves me. And I try to really relish the times we do spend together. In the long run, I hope she stays close to her daddy and myself!

Carasays:

April 15, 2014 at 8:14 pm

Probably daddy is like a candy he can only have during halloween and the thrill of the hunt is awesome. You are like, hmm, a cold water in a searing hot summer, a life saver, dependable, always there, constant. He loves you, like I need to tell you that, he loves you differently.

Sandysays:

April 16, 2014 at 3:38 am

I strongly with you all ladies that the kids hurt our feelings unintentionally . they will not be knowing that they are doing that. l have my own 5months who chooses Daddy all the time, he giggles he laughs he shouts and make a lot of noises. given a choice he wouldnt come to me except for his milk. Breastfeeding is the only call he has to me. I feel sad at times but guess it all normal and is a phase that do passes with age.

Susansays:

April 16, 2014 at 6:56 am

If it is any comfort I have had this experience with each of my three boys. They do not understand the power they have to hurt us – which is probably good. I read somewhere that kids seem to “favor” the parent that feels less predictable to them. They are so certain of the love of the parent that they hurt because they feel confident that it will not have a negative impact on them. Try thinking of it that way – he is so certain about you and your love that he can hurt you…

Momof4says:

April 16, 2014 at 9:24 am

I can relate a bit – My first son was like that for a while, my daughter ooo so wanted Daddy all the time.. I did not realy bother me that much.

It hurt when my youngest would go onto that phase, but right now I really worry about my husband. Since my 4yr old is totally about Mommy all the time…

Out of all my kids he is the sweetest. He has yet to say I hate you (I know it’s coming eventually), He has ‘fired’ me a couple of times… threatened to send us to Wal-mart during Thanksgiving for putting him in Time out… but no Hate.

I know if the child can make me melt, he can also cut deep… and I don’t relish the day when it comes…

For now I just take his absolute sweetness and revel in it.

Yesterday, while we were home, and I was sick… he was the sweetest he has ever been…

He took my face in his tiny hands and looked me in the eye and said “Do you want to be mine?”

How could I resist saying “yes”.

Then he melted my heart further by saying “You already are.”

Is it totally wrong for me to gravitate to his natural calmness in the face of the chaos my other children bring? I fear I favor him, but in reality I don’t ‘favor’ him, I just enjoy his tranquility… And when he is off the wall, My daughter’s peace helps me too. Though in the end she still is just a Daddy’s girl…

mamabadgersays:

April 16, 2014 at 11:01 am

Cara (#5) got it right, I think. You are his constant, so time with his Dad has to be taken when it’s offered. He knows you’ll be there for him to love on Monday morning, after Dad’s gone to work.

Do you notice that when they really need comfort they come to you, though? All three of mine (and the youngest is only 2 months) need Mama when they’re hurt, or really scared? Dad is great for fun, but when they’re unsure of themselves, only Mama will do. That’s reaffirming

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