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‘Bakelite’ is new must-have phone for the elderly

Made of solid black Bakelite, weighing in at ten pounds and with a revolutionary rotary dial with letters instead of numerals, the Bakelite telephone has already been dubbed ‘the iPhone for the elderly’.

‘It’s well cool,’ said Bill Bates (72). ‘You should see the envious looks I get from teenagers when I take a Bakelite call on the bus.’

The Bakelite, designed by GPO engineers, comes with an internal bell and an optional coin box with a Button A and a Button B for retrieving coins.

‘I wouldn’t be without my Bakelite,’ said Jim Watson (84). ‘I really feel I’m connected to the internet. It’s a bit of a weight to lug around and you need pocketfuls of old money coins, but it’s like one of those proper phones you used to get in those telephone boxes where prostitutes left contact cards.

‘Which reminds me,’ added Mr Watson, ‘I have to go now, because I have to make a private trunk call on my Bakelite.’