(Note: I added a Suicide Prevention page to save a life. Suicide prevention is everybody’s business. Educate our community that suicide is a preventable public health problem in the Philippines. Suicide should no longer be considered a taboo topic, and that through raising awareness and educating the public, we can SAVE lives. )

Suicide is a significant cause of death in many western countries, in some cases exceeding deaths by motor vehicle accidents annually. Many countries spend vast amounts of money on safer roads, but very little on suicide awareness and prevention, or on educating people about how to make good life choices.

Attempts at suicide, and suicidal thoughts or feelings are usually a symptom indicating that a person isn’t coping, often as a result of some event or series of events that they personally find overwhelmingly traumatic or distressing. In many cases, the events in question will pass, their impact can be mitigated, or their overwhelming nature will gradually fade if the person is able to make constructive choices about dealing with the crisis when it is at its worst. Since this can be extremely difficult, this article is an attempt to raise awareness about suicide, so that we may be better able to recognize and help other people in crisis, and also to find how to seek help or
make better choices ourselves.

Help and resource information:

This posting is accompanied by a companion posting containing information primarily about crisis and suicide prevention resources available on the Internet, and other national resources available in various countries. It should be available in the same newsgroup, but is also available from:ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/suicide/

The information here is updated periodically, and is intended to be informative rather than authoritative. Readers are encouraged to offer feedback, suggestions, criticisms and any comments on ways you may have found it helpful. The latest version is also archived at: ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/suicide/

Here are a number of frequently asked questions to help raise awareness and dispel some of the common myths about suicide:

1. Why do people attempt suicide?

People usually attempt suicide to block unbearable emotional pain, which is caused by a wide variety of problems. It is often a cry for help. A person attempting suicide is often so distressed that they are unable to see that they have other options: we can help prevent a tragedy by endeavoring to understand how they feel and helping them to look for better choices that they could make. Suicidal people often feel terribly isolated; because of their distress, they may not think of anyone they can turn to, furthering this isolation.

In the vast majority of cases a suicide attemptor would choose differently if they were not in great distress and were able to evaluate their options objectively. Most suicidal people give warning signs in the hope that they will be rescued, because they are intent on stopping their emotional pain, not on dying.

2. Aren’t all suicidal people crazy?

No, having suicidal thoughts does not imply that you are crazy, or necessarily mentally ill. People who attempt suicide are often acutely distressed and the vast majority are depressed to some extent. This depression may be either a reactive depression which is an entirely normal reaction to difficult circumstances, or may be an endogenous depression which is the result of a diagnosable mental illness with other underlying causes. It may also be a combination of the two.

The question of mental illness is a difficult one because both these kinds of depression may have similar symptoms and effects. Furthermore, the exact definition of depression as a diagnosable mental illnesses (i.e. clinical depression) tends to be somewhat fluid and inexact, so whether a person who is distressed enough to attempt suicide would be diagnosed as suffering from clinical depression may vary in different peoples opinions, and may also vary between cultures.

It’s probably more helpful to distinguish between these two types of depression and treat each accordingly than to simply diagnose all such depression as being a form of mental illness, even though a person suffering from a reactive depression might match the diagnostic criteria typically used to diagnose clinical depression. For example, Appleby and Condonis[1] write:

The majority of individuals who commit suicide do not have a diagnosable mental illness. They are people just like you and I who at a particular time are feeling isolated, desperately unhappy and alone. Suicidal thoughts and actions may be the result of life’s stresses and losses that the individual feels they just can’t cope with.

In a society where there is much stigma and ignorance regarding mental illness,a person who feels suicidal may fear that other people will think they are “crazy” if they tell them how they feel, and so may be reluctant to reach out for help in a crisis. In any case, describing someone as “crazy”, which has strong negative connotations, probably isn’t helpful and is more likely to dissuade someone from seeking help which may be very beneficial, whether they have a diagnosable mental illness or not.

People who are suffering from a mental illness such as schizophrenia or clinical depression do have significantly higher suicide rates than average, although they are still in the minority of attemptors. For these people, having their illness correctly diagnosed can mean that an appropriatetreatment can begin to address it.

It depends what aspect you talk about. Talking about the feelings surrounding suicide promotes understanding and can greatly reduce the immediate distress of a suicidal person. In particular, it is OK to ask someone if they are considering suicide, if you suspect that they are not coping. If they are feeling suicidal, it can come as a great relief to see that someone else has some insight into how they feel.

This can be a difficult question to ask, so here are some possible approaches:

“Are you feeling so bad that you’re considering suicide?”
“That sounds like an awful lot for one person to take; has it made you think about killing yourself to escape?”
“Has all that pain you’re going through made you think about hurting yourself?”
“Have you ever felt like just throwing it all away?”

The most appropriate way to raise the subject will differ according to the situation, and what the people involved feel comfortable with. It’s also important to take the persons overall response into consideration when interpreting their answer, since a person in distress may initially say “no”, even if they mean “yes”. A person who isn’t feeling suicidal will usually be
able to give a comfortable “no” answer, and will often continue by talking about a specific reason they have for living. It can also be helpful to ask what they would do if they ever were in a situation where they were seriously considering killing themselves, in case they become suicidal at some point in the future, or they are suicidal but don’t initially feel comfortable about telling you.

Talking exclusively about how to commit suicide can give ideas to people who feel suicidal, but haven’t thought about how they’d do it yet. Media reports that concentrate solely on the method used and ignore the emotional backdrop behind it can tend to encourage copy-cat suicides.

4. So what sort of things can contribute to someone feeling suicidal?

People can usually deal with isolated stressful or traumatic events and experiences reasonably well, but when there is an accumulation of such events over an extended period, our normal coping strategies can be pushed to the limit.

The stress or trauma generated by a given event will vary from person to person depending on their background and how they deal with that particular stressor. Some people are personally more or less vulnerable to particular stressful events, and some people may find certain events stressful which others would see as a positive experience. Furthermore, individuals deal with stress and trauma in different ways; the presence of multiple risk factors does not necessarily imply that a person will become suicidal.

Depending on a person’s individual response, risk factors that may contribute to a person feeling suicidal include:

5. How would I know if someone I care about was contemplating suicide?

Often suicidal people will give warning signs, consciously or unconsciously, indicating that they need help and often in the hope that they will be rescued.These usually occur in clusters, so often several warning signs will be apparent. The presence of one or more of these warning signs is not intended as a guarantee that the person is suicidal: the only way to know for sure is to ask them. In other cases, a suicidal person may not want to be rescued,and may avoid giving warning signs.

Typical warning signs which are often exhibited by people who are feeling suicidal include:

This list is not definitive: some people may show no signs yet still feel suicidal, others may show many signs yet be coping OK; the only way to know for sure is to ask. In conjunction with the risk factors listed above, this list is intended to help people identify others who may be in need of support.

If a person is highly perturbed, has formed a potentially lethal plan to kill themselves and has the means to carry it out immediately available, they would be considered likely to attempt suicide.

6. I’m a bit uncomfortable about the topic; can’t it just go away?

Suicide has traditionally been a taboo topic in western society, which has led to further alienation and only made the problem worse. Even after their deaths, suicide victims have often been alienated by not being buried near other people in the cemetery, as though they had committed some utterlyunforgivable sin.

We could go a long way to reducing our suicide rate by accepting people as they are, removing the social taboo on talking about feeling suicidal, and telling people that it _is_ OK to feel so bad that you’d think about suicide. A person simply talking about how they feel greatly reduces their distress; they also begin to see other options, and are much less likely to attempt suicide.

7. So what can I do about it?

There usually are people to whom a suicidal person can turn for help; if you ever know someone is feeling suicidal, or feel suicidal yourself, seek out people who could help, and keep seeking until you find someone who will listen. Once again, the only way to know if someone is feeling suicidal is if you ask them and they tell you.

Suicidal people, like all of us, need love, understanding and care. People usually don’t ask “are you feeling so bad that you’re thinking about suicide?” directly. Locking themselves away increases the isolation they feel and the likelihood that they may attempt suicide. Asking if they are feeling suicidal has the effect of giving them permission to feel the way they do, which reduces their isolation; if they are feeling suicidal, they may see that someone else is beginning to understand how they feel.

If someone you know tells you that they feel suicidal, above all, listen to them. Then listen some more. Tell them “I don’t want you to die”. Try to make yourself available to hear about how they feel, and try to form a “no-suicide contract”: ask them to promise you that they won’t suicide, and that if they feel that they want to hurt themselves again, they won’t do anything until they can contact either you, or someone else that can support them. Take them seriously, and refer them to someone equipped to help them most effectively, such as a Doctor, Community Health Centre, Counsellor, Psychologist, Social Worker, Youth Worker, Minister, etc etc. If they appear acutely suicidal and won’t talk, you may need to get them to a hospital emergency department.

Don’t try to “rescue” them or to take their responsibilities on board yourself, or be a hero and try to handle the situation on your own. You can be the most help by referring them to someone equipped to offer them the help they need, while you continue to support them and remember that what happens is ultimately their responsibility. Get yourself some support too, as you try to get support for them; don’t try to save the world on your own shoulders.

If you don’t know where to turn, chances are there are a number of 24 Hour anonymous telephone counselling or suicide prevention services in your area that you can call, listed in your local telephone directory. The crisis resource posting mentioned at the top of this posting also lists a number of Internet resources which provide support for people in crisis.

8. Help? Counselling? But isn’t counselling just a waste of time?

Certainly it is true that counselling is not a magic cure-all. It will be effective only if it empowers a person to build the sort of relationships theyneed for long-term support. It is not a “solution” in itself, but it can be a vital, effective and helpful step along the way.

9. Talk, talk, talk. It’s all just talk. How’s that going to help?

While it’s not a long-term solution in itself, asking a person and having them talk about how they feel greatly reduces their feelings of isolation and distress, which in turn significantly reduces the immediate risk of suicide. People that do care may be reluctant to be direct in talking about suicide because it’s something of a taboo subject.

In the medium and longer term, it’s important to seek help to resolve the problems as soon as possible; be they emotional or psychological. Previous attemptors are more likely to attempt suicide again, so it’s very important to get unresolved issues sorted out with professional help or counselling as necessary.

Some issues may never be completely resolved by counselling, but a good counsellor should be able to help a person deal with them constructively at present, and to teach them better coping skills and better methods of dealing with problems which arise in the future.

10. How do telephone counselling and suicide hot-line services work?

USA hotline
In an emergency, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK

For Suicide Prevention Hotline in the Philippines
Call Crisis Line of In Touch Community Services! (free and confidential)+632-8931893 +632-8937606 or +632-8937603 (24/7)

Different services vary in what they offer, but in general you can ring up and speak anonymously to a counsellor about any sort of problem in a no-pressure context that’s less threatening than a face-to-face session. Talking the situation over with a caring, independent person can be of great assistance whether you’re in a crisis yourself, or worried about someone else who is, and they usually have connections with local services to refer you to if further help is required. You don’t have to wait until the deepest point of crisis or
until you have a life-threatening problem before you seek help.

Demand for telephone services vary, so the most important thing to remember is that if you can’t get through on one, keep trying several until you do. You should usually get through straight away, but don’t give up or pin your life on it. Many people that feel suicidal don’t realize that help can be so close, or don’t think to call at the time because their distress is so overwhelming.

11. What about me; am I at risk?

It’s quite likely that some people that read this will one day attempt suicide,so here’s a quick suicide prevention exercise:

think of a list of 5 people whoyou might talk to if you had no-one else to turn to, starting with the most preferred person at the top of the list. Form a “no-suicide contract” with
yourself promising that if you ever feel suicidal you will go to each of the people on this list in turn and simply tell them how you feel; and that if someone didn’t listen, you’d just keep going until you found someone that would. Many suicide attemptors are so distressed that they can’t see anywhere to turn in the midst of a crisis, so having thought beforehand of several people to approach would help.

12. How does suicide affect friends and family members?

Suicide is often extremely traumatic for the friends and family members that remain (the survivors), even though people that attempt suicide often think that no-one cares about them. In addition to the feelings of grief normally associated with a person’s death, there may be guilt, anger, resentment, remorse, confusion and great distress over unresolved issues. The stigma surrounding suicide can make it extremely difficult for survivors to deal with their grief and can cause them also to feel terribly isolated.

Survivors often find that people relate differently to them after the suicide, and may be very reluctant to talk about what has happened for fear of condemnation. They often feel like a failure because someone they cared so much about has chosen to suicide, and may also be fearful of forming any new relationships because of the intense pain they have experienced through the relationship with the person who has completed suicide.

People who have experienced the suicide of someone they cared deeply about can benefit from “survivor groups”, where they can relate to people who have been through a similar experience, and know they will be accepted without being judged or condemned. Most counselling services should be able to refer people to groups in their local area. Survivor groups, counselling and other appropriate help can be of tremendous assistance in easing the intense burden of unresolved feelings that suicide survivors often carry.

The suicide-survivors mailing list provides such a group via electronic mail. See the resource list companion posting mentioned at the top of this posting for more information.

13. Hang on; isn’t it illegal though? Doesn’t that stop people?

Whether it is legal or not makes no difference to someone who is in such distress that they are trying to kill themselves. You can’t legislate against emotional pain so making it illegal doesn’t stop people in distress from feeling suicidal. It is likely to merely isolate them further, particularly since the vast majority of attempts are unsuccessful, leaving the attemptor in
a worse state than before if they’re now a criminal as well. In some countries and states it is still illegal, in other places it’s not.

14. But don’t people have the right to kill themselves if they want to?

Each of us is responsible for our own actions and life choices. In a sensethen, an individual may have the right to do as they wish with their life, including to end it if they so desire. Western societies in particular tend to emphasise individual rights over communal rights and responsibilities.

However, every person exists as part of a larger network of relationships of various types which set the context in which an individual’s rights and responsibilities exist. People who feel lonely, isolated, distressed and hopeless about their future can find it extremely difficult to recognise supportive relationships which may exist around them. This often causes them
to grossly underestimate both the degree of support which could be gained from those around them, and the impact that their suicide would have should they complete it.

Discussions regarding rights can become emotive, particularly when there is a conflict between individual and communal rights and responsibilities. For example, people who have been emotionally devastated by the suicide of someone close to them could equally assert their right to not devastated by someone else’s suicide. It should be reiterated however that a person contemplating suicide is more likely to need understanding than a lecture on their responsibilities to other people.

Ultimately, helping people to deal with their problems better, see their options more clearly, make better choices for themselves and avoid choices that they would otherwise regret empowers people with their rights rather than taking their rights away.

The Philippines’ FIRST depression and suicide prevention hotline is now open. Call 804-4673 (HOPE). Open 24/7.

Copyright 1994, 1995, 1996 by Graham Stoney <[email protected]>.
This article may be freely redistributed for personal use or via Usenet News
provided that this copyright message remains intact. Any other form of
commercial distribution requires explicit permission from the author.

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement.
Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)"
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They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

49 Thoughts on “Suicide Prevention”

Thank you for sharing this. I hope to put the banner on my site. I hope the efforts people put here can save lives. I personally know someone who died of suicide and it is such a great great loss, not to mention a tragic end to who might have been a great man.

I wish there was someone i could talk too i have been having Suicidal thoughts lately i do not want to live anymore nothing at this point in my life could make me want to continue living my life any longer i’m to the point where i welcome death i’m not afraid of it if it does not come sooner for me i’ll have to do it myself.

Thank you for posting this.
Recently I had one friend commit suicide and another come very close.
She was searching the internet and came across a site much like this and read it and caused her to rethink her situation and decide not to.
People like her read things like this and change their minds and its for the best.
So again-Thank You.

What u should do,is ask her why she wants to suicide and show her that u love her more than everything…when u have thoughts about suicide,the person thinkin’ about commiting the suicide needs to know that in this life,there are plenty of things to do,he/she needs to be shown love,understandin’ and support to any problem

Evrythng in my life is a mess my schoolwork my life at home and im with a guy that doesnt love me my parents hate me i just want to die ive had numerous attempts of suicide and im still questionin my presence here i really want to die

Don’t throw away your lifeit’s more precious than u can ever imagine….And if your boyfriend doesn’t love you,leave him…I don’t know if u have any interestes or hobbies like musik,but if you do,try to spent a little time there…it will calm u and u won’t think about suicide,while doing something interesting…of course in the beggining it will be difficult,but u will make it…also find someone who trully loves you…cause right now all you need is love(like the Beatles’ song)…I had thoughts about suicide too,but when I play music,I feel I have a purpose…it literally saves me…please contact me via e-mail,cause my schoolwork is also a bit messy and my life at home horrible

I had suicide thoughts too,but I managed to overpass them.My schoolwork is a bit mess,my personal life inexistable and my parents sometimes drive me so crazy,I wanna leave the house forever…the fact that I play music,literally saved me….You feel like u have a purpose to leave,even though sometimes some people do hurt you…don’t end your life cause of that…fight it,cause life is a gift…don’t let yourself lost in suicide thoughts…It’s a shame to throw your life away

hi! i chanced upon your site as i was browsing through the internet about suicide and depression. btw, im a filipina like you 31 years old and im suffering from depression since i was in college, had a major attempt when i was 21, i was unconscious but my father found me. been in and out of suicidal thoughts even more than i could imagine.i actually browsed through the net for filipino sites about suicide. guess there are not much though. hope you could start one where filipinos can openly share about depression and suicidal ideation. ive been thinking about that a lot but i guess i just dont know where to start. im even thinking of encouraging and writing to ted failon because his wife died of one and he surely had the connections to start one and could reach many through the media. i guess i just needed help badly.

my father just passed and me and my girlfriend are split. The other day i was feeling suicidal and i told her thru txt cus its long distant. I refused to call a hotline cus i didnt feel i needed it. I just needed to talk thru it. But she got scared and called the cops. I initially got mad about that. But once i got thru it i thanked her. But she says she cant be with someone who would do that cus i know what she went thru with her friend commiting suicide. She said i had to have known it was hurting her. Shes mad i pushed away and got mad. Im confused. I had no thoughts of hurting anyone in those moments. Is it wrong for her to be mad?

People react differently to situations. And we have no control over their feelings. They own it but at least she asked for help that she couldn’t handle. Maybe she just can’t handle it right now. I hope you have asked for counseling so you can help yourself.

I think I lost a little control of myself when I was studying in University. All it gave me was stress and anger. Over time the frustration just builds and you just give up. Luckily I have a friend I could talk to. If not then I would find strangers to chat with because I need that connection.Suicide Prevention in Your Life

may 4,2010 when my friend text me that one of our friends had gone because of drinking silver cleaner…how i wished i was able to read your article the soonest so that i was able to impart this to my friend.masakit mawalan ng isang kaibigan.

I’m 15 & I’ve been having trouble with my mother because of her boyfriend. Her boyfriend was my fathers best friend. My father commited suicide when I was six. She’s always putting my brothers, sisters & I aside for as long as I can remember. My heart hurts from crying so much that I’m tired of going through this pain that I have. I was in an accident & my mom literally just laughed in my face. We argued one day & she had told me that she wished I had died in that accident. I’ve been trying to kill my self ever since.
PLEASE HELP ME.
I do not want to be stuck in this world no more.
the pain is killing me slowly.

it may not seem like it, but things will get better. no matter how many times you’ve heard it, it is true. i am 14, almost 15, and just recently stopped being suicidal after 2 1/2 years. To be honest, I am most thankful for still being alive today. Please, give yourself a chance to be happy. Live to see when you get out of that house. Wait until you are out on your own, where you don’t have to be with her everyday. It kills me to watch my best friends and girlfriend cut, pop pills, drink, and do drugs to try and kill the pain when all it does is kill themselves slowly. It doesn’t help, and I know from experience. I am still depressed, and I still have urges to cut, but it is so much better now that I do nothing when I get that far down. If you want to talk more, contact me.

Need Help Here. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. When still in high school I was just a peer-dependent person. Being only child, illegitimate is such a life. Suddenly after graduation went here in manila. I was so so sad. I had this depression ever since and its getting worse. Living in the house of your boss is like a prison, friends you trust to neglect you. Nobody understands me. Having into this schoolwork thing is an addition. Having no one to hold on. Friendless, stuck in work. tired of studying. Just lately my saddest birthday of all, my debut. Nothing ever happened even a simple dine (just went to my favorite food chain, Jollibee to treat myself). It’s been months now since I think of suicide everyday. It’s not worth living. So alone in this world. Can’t suppress this pain anymore like i used to.

YOur numbers do not work for Dial a Friend. I know you mean well and I hope you can have a ready number..we need to talk to people who care…and the phone is sometimes..our only way in.. I never thought I would contemplate suicide..but now I have been thinking and wanting to ..I like the others ..the discouragement is just too much.

In the Philippines there isn’t much sympathy to be found when you’re suicidal. Because most people are used to enduring hardships with a smile they look down on those who can’t cope. I just read a forum thread a few minutes ago where someone posted for help with suicidal feelings. One poster swore at him, saying she had been through worse. Others joked about it. Not that there weren’t helpful responses, but I couldn’t help feeling how typically Filipino those derogatory replies were.

yes filipinos are prejudicial..they just think they are caring but actually most who have a family support and do not know how it is to feel alone ..are really doing it worse..and they do not really care..just self righteious

i want to commit suicide… mostly because i have no hope for the future. other reasons like my family and all the problems we have in our house, my girlfriend who i loved dearly i just lost, my friends neglect or ignore me…i’ve even told people that i want to kill myself. nobody really cares. which is fucked up…if i had a gun i would do it right now. but i dont have a gun and im not just going to cut my rist and sit and bleed out….idk there is nbothing i can do but suffer in this cold world where everyones out for themselfs….what can i do?……please dont give me no bullshit answer

dude why would you want to kill yourself? why not start over…you know forget the people who treat you the wrong way and find people who treat you the right way, the way you should be treated. If you want to end your life it shows you yourself have no respect for anyone else to put them through the kind of pain they are going to have once your gone…..live for you no one else

(I hope my comment won’t sound like “bullshit” to you) Just two years ago, I wasn’t able to understand how would anyone want to kill themselves. 5 (!!!) of my friends told me they’d been attempting suicide or cutting themselves. I was terrified!! The only thing I could say was “how would that help? what’s the point?” I thought they were attention seekers (in some cases, it was partly true.. but I’m not here to judge). But since then, everything has changed. I could feel on my own skin what it’s like to feel soo frustrated, lonely, ignored, apathetic (worst feeling of all!), with no hope, no perspectives, no love (and no chance for love). I’ve given subtle signs, I became even quieter at school, isolated myself from everyone, I was always listening to depressing songs (they were at the same time upsetting me but also helping to get rid of sadness). Nobody ever understood me, the problems popped out of nowhere, I was pinning the pain from one to another, I started searching for the reasons of my low self-esteem in my childhood, which only made everything worse, I started reminding myself how I was always laughed at, a loner (maybe I’ll stop writing about my childhood cuz I don’t want these memories to come back again)… I’m living alone in a city where everything goes on my nerves, all the people are shallow and two-faced, I’m completely alone and don’t have anyone to spend time with, all those lies bug me and make me sick, I hate the way I look, I hate how I’m wasting my life, I don’t have any visions for the future (and the list goes on and on). I might be exaggerating everything in my head but it doesn’t change the way I feel sometimes. I’ve been through such LOWS that I wanted to rip my face off, I was literally crying for few hours, with no sense of living, I was screaming in agony and nobody came, nobody could be there (like I said, f~~ed up city), my family loves me but they aren’t the part of my pain… In my darkest times I’ve always thought about them, how would my death (I’m not sure if I’d have the courage to attempt suicide but I *did* have suicidal thoughts, which naturally scared the shit out of me) hurt them. Sometimes when we were watching movies when someone was occassionally comitting suicide, my mom & dad were making comments like “what kind of parents are they, they don’t know what is happening with their kid” and I was like, teary-eyed, thinking “what would they think of me??” I bet they’d feel ashamed of me I never fit in, I’m so weird and antisocial. (sorry it went so long) I tried to talk with people about my thoughts. I was talking with one friend about my problems (I do it only in my depressed mood) and when it came to the subject ‘suicide’, she told me she’d also had such thoughts!! I didn’t know what to feel. I was somewhat relieved (finally someone to relate to, I felt more ‘normal’), but also scared (what if she would do it??), then I felt completely angry (why do such good people think about suicide and only stupid motherf~~ers enjoy life??), so I was left with this mix of emotions. I tried to talk to another friend (actually, a guy I fell in love with and who calls himself my “friend”; he was the reason for most of my suicidal thoughts) about my problems and how he reacted?? “You’re doing it to yourself. Maybe a therapist would truly help (‘cuz I suggested going to a therapist, really thinkng “hey idiot, I want *YOUR* help not some strange person’s”). You’re isolating yourself from everyone – that is sick….” etc ;/ I hope I don’t have to describe the fury I felt after his response. The person I found so important didn’t even give a shit! I promised myself to have suicidal thoughts because of him never EVER again. But other problems stayed… I’m living day by day in a weird kind of bubble, I try to enjoy the little things cuz they’re gone so fast They’re my only distraction from my pointless life. When I feel bad due to someone, I try looking at it that way: “I will keep on living just to piss them off!!” (I know it’s not working with everyone XD) Also, the person who helped me a lot was Gerard Way (the singer of My Chemical Romance), their songs gave a new light, a new perspective to many things… I’ll never forget such quotes as “You cannot destroy me!” (I’m hoping to get a tattoo with this line) “Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?” “I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone” “Gonna take off all my skin, tear apart all of my insides, when they riffle in, mom and dad think you’ll be saved, they never had the time, they gonna medicate your lives, you were always born a crime, we salute you in your grave” (such truth really speaks to the heart, in the “information age of hysteria”, makes you accept your feelings cuz first you have to accept them -and sometimes surrender them- in order to fight with them…) “(this is about me, thinking if anyone cares) Don’t you breathe for me, undeserving of your sympathy? (and this is about all the others who ignore me) ‘Cuz there ain’t nowhere that I’m sorry for what I did, and through it all, how could you cry for me?? Cuz I don’t feel bad about it” or this (kinda ‘giving up’ but also blaming someone) “Back home off the run, singing songs that make you slit your wrists, it isn’t that much fun staring down a loaded gun, so I won’t stop dying, won’t stop lying, if you want I’ll keep on crying, did you get what you deserve? Is this what you always want me for?” (I’m sure each suicider can relate) Everytime I thought I’m not gonna make it, I kept waiting and waiting ’til it was a bit better (maybe just because I’m lazy and even if I decided to attempt suicide, it’d take ages before I’d actually do it and in the meantime I’d possible change my mind), after every tear-occupied night came a bright morning (just like nothing happened), I had to learn how to try to put my life together everyday starting from scratch and the most important lesson I’ve learnt… “sometimes a soul waits to be awaken by a kiss of prince charming; whereas soul itself needs to kiss, yet not a prince but a beggar” which more or less means: don’t wait for a miracle… the change can happen on an average day and you won’t even notice how your life has gotten better. Everyday means a new struggle but also a new chance. Nothing is black and white, everything is complexed, which means there’s always a good and a bad side. We *have* to accept the bad times cuz they make us stronger and thanks to them we can truly appreciate moments of happiness. I even stopped considering myself naive or used by others. Being “good” makes sense in the long run. In the end, I don’t have a guilty conscience cuz I know I did everything what felt right at those moments. Also, my miserable love, my helpful hand, being kind, delicate (=everything that makes you “weak” in the nowaday world) is something THEY CAN’T TAKE AWAY FROM ME!! It’s my only weapon against all the dangerous illusions. My x-ray eyes against their every single lie. My sincerity against their acting. My ‘ugliness’ against their perfectly fake beauty. My understanding againt their judging. My grotesque to uncover their hypocracy. Also, “if you’re not happy with what you have, having more of it won’t make you feel better”. It’s true… The more you get, the more you crave and it’s a never-ending circle. We (that means you, me and all the others) can’t sink into fantasies.. of course, it has helped me a lot to SURVIVE, if you’re so low it’s obvious you NEED hope and it’s a positive thing cuz every reason to live is the right reason… But just don’t picture a special person coming to your life and totally change it cuz you might be dissapointed. What if the change won’t come up to your expectations? What if it just WON’T BE ENOUGH? (I thought about it and it scared me even more, at first I felt hopeless but then it just helped me to understand how I’m the one who has to find a reason to live, my life CAN’T depend on others cuz it’s just too much of a risk!! What if they stop caring or turn out not to have that much interest in me? Shall I think about committing suicide everytime it happens? Am I NOT worth living, just ME, me and my life, me myself, am I not a valuable person just the way I am?? Somebody HAS to accept me, otherway life wouldn’t make sense. Well, that’s why it didn’t make sense to me in the first place. But there ARE people who accept me and love the true me, even if *I* find it hard to accept myself). Hope my story didn’t bore you (of course, considering you came that far :P). I hope you’ll find a reason to live… Get a puppy from a shelter, find people more troubled than you and help them (I’m sure they’ll teach you a lesson), check out some good movies (something to keep believing in the world:), smile to a stranger, give some money to the homeless people (even if they will buy alcohol for that – who are we to judge?? is their life less worth than ours? and who knows, maybe they’ll get their faith in people back???) and remember – don’t ever feel ashamed of your weaknesses cuz they make you who you are… All those flaws we think are ugly, humiliating, weak, they are beautiful and I will sum it all up with my own conclusion: even if someone ignores me, I won’t ignore them. They think it’s a weakness? Wrong! That takes a looot of courage!! The fact that somebody’s “bad” isn’t my excuse, everyone’s responsible for themselves, I will try to be the best I can, maybe one day someone will notice my efforts and I will tell to myself “it was worth the pain, I did really make it, thank God I didn’t give up” all the good things that are yet to come keep me alive…

I’ve been to therapy. I think about it all the time. Everyday. And not just killing myself. Other people. Not just killing. I mean torturing and killing. Yeah, it’s fucking sick. I know it. I get pissed off and I think about hurting them for the next few hours. Then it turns on me. Alot of shit happened in my life. Alot of mental and emotional abuse, sexual molestation, growing up with no friends, etc. I’m 18. College student. I don’t want to die. I do love life. Alot of people look up to me. I’m a teacher in an after-school music program. I’m an uncle for my beautiful niece that I love to death. My mom means the world to me. It doesn’t change the fact that I get in moods where I think of shooting myself in the face and ending all of it. Finances, lack of a relationship, sleeping disorders, heavy drug and alcohol use, etc is just making all of it worse. I don’t really believe in god, so please none of that. I do want help though.

I’ve been to therapy. I think about it all the time. Everyday. And not just killing myself. Other people. Not just killing. I mean torturing and killing. Yeah, it’s fucking sick. I know it. I get pissed off and I think about hurting them for the next few hours. Then it turns on me. Alot of shit happened in my life. Alot of mental and emotional abuse, sexual molestation, growing up with no friends, etc. I’m 18. College student. I don’t want to die. I do love life. Alot of people look up to me. I’m a teacher in an after-school music program. I’m an uncle for my beautiful niece that I love to death. My mom means the world to me. It doesn’t change the fact that I get in moods where I think of shooting myself in the face and ending all of it. Finances, lack of a relationship, sleeping disorders, heavy drug and alcohol use, etc is just making all of it worse. I don’t really believe in god, so please none of that. I do want help though.

I’ve been to therapy. I think about it all the time. Everyday. And not just killing myself. Other people. Not just killing. I mean torturing and killing. Yeah, it’s fucking sick. I know it. I get pissed off and I think about hurting them for the next few hours. Then it turns on me. Alot of shit happened in my life. Alot of mental and emotional abuse, sexual molestation, growing up with no friends, etc. I’m 18. College student. I don’t want to die. I do love life. Alot of people look up to me. I’m a teacher in an after-school music program. I’m an uncle for my beautiful niece that I love to death. My mom means the world to me. It doesn’t change the fact that I get in moods where I think of shooting myself in the face and ending all of it. Finances, lack of a relationship, sleeping disorders, heavy drug and alcohol use, etc is just making all of it worse. I don’t really believe in god, so please none of that. I do want help though.

poor baby… ur life jst start! And mine is totally over… I dnt ave noting less anymore… all who i loved are past a away… Only wat i ave left is son who cant care of me less…. Dis means getting older nd knw everting…. Here is not noting left anymore wat fee even allmost right.

– `Clearing the airÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ over personal incidents from the past.—-check, done this ages ago

9/15…not bad I guess, I decided totake the step five years ago and I’ve been researching on the best way to do it…I did choose my weapon already and I am close to completition but I plan to be more graceful. I’ve hidden my thought and feelings the best I could to any of my relatives and I plan to keep it this way…

I just wonder how much time will pass between the attempt (if it goes well) and the first person finds my corpse…I am pretty sure will be the landlord or any of my housemates after three days, I also wonder how they are going to tell my family keeping in mind none of my parents speak actual english…anyway I guess it is better this way.

I’m at the lowest point of my life. Jobless, broke, loveless, friendless and I’m 30 years old. all my friends are now successful, they’ve abandoned me, and I can’t find a job. I just want things to be over. I’ve just cut myself and i’m weighing if i should end it. But I’m too much of a coward. I want to call someone, but I am frightened to even talk now, because whenever I try to share people just judge me. nobody understands, and i’m so sick and tired of the crap about things getting better. I am sure it does for some, but it’s just been too much failure and regret in my life. I am tired.

I’m tired of living now. I’ve tried slashing myself and overdosing on paracetamol. nothing is working. My family is broke. Really broke. My mom hurts me daily. My dad left us. My brother hurts me as well and pat on me one time. I’m doing so well in school but my mom taunts me that she’ll pull me out if i don’t get my boyfriend to marry me cause she wants reassurance from him. Im at the lowest point of my life. I don’t want to live anymore. I’m not looking for anyone to help me out i need someone to help me die. nothing i do works. i only have one thing left to do and that’s to jump off a building. or an overpass. i will do it. i dont see why i have to live now.

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This is about me ( a Filipina mom) and my journey to a "new normal" after the death of Luijoe , my beautiful 6 year old son.
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