I hate weekends. Not simply because of my lack of motivation to do stuff but mainly because of that fact that I am with my family and can't throw up nor eat less. The are forcing me to eat greasy stuff, hig-calorie meals and stuff. I HATE THIS. I want to loose weight don't you realise? Why are you forcing me to eat? Why are you asking me "Hey, loosing weight? Want some chocolate?" GEEZ

My family is home at the moment. I can't throw up. Oh dear. I ate the whole lunch, avoided carbs but still I ate too much and I wanna throw up so badly that my stomach is screaming in pain. I want to throw up until I see the blood coming out. I know it's crazy but I DON'T CARE. I am still angry at myself. I've never threw up blood but I want to - it would be a symbol of my success. I am crazy haha :D Don't judge my craziness I'm on medication already and evidentially it's not working much. Uhh....how much I want to vomit.... But I can't....OH SHIT!!!!!

Yes, I am a bulimic. I was diagnosed so. I was hospitalized because of it and I dont fucking care.

I've always been so. I mean ever since my fucking mother told me I was fat in front of some creepy doctor and was sent

to a spa for fat people. Ever since that I was throwing up on a regular basis. My weight was changing slowly for the better

but then again I gained everything back. Every fucking time. Now I weight 93.8 kgs and I hate myself. Literally. I'm going to change that again. I hope I will. My motivation will be this blog and maybe the fact that I am writing these posts in English because I really love this language. Please forget about my gramatical mistakes or whattever. Well...I don't even care about some shity comments. I don't care about it. I just wanna loose this fucking weight and I am angry, very angry. Thats why I curse and I will continue to do so as we speak.

Whats my story you ask?

I am a psycho and I know it. I am bipolar queen, semi-lesbian, emotionally unstable bulimic. Well my doctors claim that. I dont mind. I know that I am crazy. It's my battle. And I am choosing to loose weight. FOREVER. I wont really mind if I die doing so. But to be honest - I am so fat that I cannot simply die from malnutrition. I will last a century to die. So shut up you anorexia and bulimia awareness people. SERIOUSLY.

Today I woke up, weighted myself after a very long time and I must say that I hate my body even more than before. I am pretty self conscious and I believe I can change my body image in matter of weeks. I hope everything will go according to my plan:

Breakfast: Müsli with milk (50g) -->about 300kcal

Lunch: ANYTHING but no carbs top 500kcal

Dinner: NOTHING

I will add exercises such as 30 day ab challenge + fitness centrum 3 times a week