Thursday, February 20, 2014

my soul is bitter and in pain, and it seems like it's not only one hurt - it hurts in all the corners of my heart and soul. i know that you know this God, and i know that you won't leave me this way. my life depends on You.

why are you cast down and sad, oh my soul?
why can't you live and be full of life and joy? i know there are not only flowers on this path, in this world and life is not "la vie en rose". my God, could You please heal this sea of pain? this sea of sadness from my soul, from my eyes?

i know that for my life You prepared everything, in a unique way, making me unique and i know that in Your eyes i'm precious, i have value. i know that in Your word there is no lie.
my God, i'm fighting with this thoughts that troubles my heart, and this is not from You. i fight to see my true worth that you poured out in me. i'm fighting to not believe all the lies that i'm not good enough and that my life is nothing without meaning, sense, when i know that You wrote on it with Your precious blood "Glorious- one that brings glory to My name".
i fight to be a true believer, to love the way you teach me how to do it, when it's hard to love because we are not perfect. i fight to hear Your voice louder than anything that tells me that i have to hate and to stop being what You made me to be and what You created in me. i fight to hear Your voice in the storm when in fact You are next to me and You calm everything. my God, i fight to be myself. i don't know how to live. i fight to breathe and my heart struggles to beat. make it beat for You.

my help comes from the Lord.
pure truth, but i'm wondering how? through what? by whom? it is said that God works through us, the human beings. my help comes from the Lord, but How? what is a friend when a friend is closer than a brother? and what does to love, to care mean?
there are no good samaritans among us anymore, or i'm living in the most awful place on this earth maybe.

i know that two thousand years ago someone overcame all this for me and He said " It is finished."
and right now, i need Him. i need Him to help me see the truth.