It’s a Bad Neighborhood in Hubley’s Head

Oh my God, you guys, I feel elderly. Everyone must stop having shows and things immediately. Also, they must provide me with a vacation home in which to recuperate. Or perhaps — this is my favorite idea — I will be hospitalized for “exhaustion.” Do you think those hospitals issue you silk nighties in which to lounge? It seems like they should.

Meanwhile, because I know you’re all fascinated with my menstrual cycle and cannot rest until you get the update — “Where is she? Is it Aunt Flo time? Mid-month? How crazy is crazy? How seriously should we take any of her bullshit anyway?” — I have the worst case of PMS and am now so looney that I’ve decided that I am probably going to die of liver failure before the week is out. This is because I pulled a muscle doing sit-ups, and now I have a twinge in my side. It might be the side my liver is on. I don’t know anatomy.

I was explaining about my liver to a couple friends the other night, appropriately enough over drinks and one of them said, as if just at the moment having the realization, “Oh my God. You actually are crazy, aren’t you?”

12 thoughts on “It’s a Bad Neighborhood in Hubley’s Head”

in a city where there are so many people that there is another person, awake, within 40 ft. of your big toe at all times, 24/7

in a country where a president gets impeached for lying about a blow job, but another goes scot free for telling lies that results in 2000 of our finest being killed to protect people who believe a god told them to hate us

in a country that tolerates an oil cartel to crush the economy for the sake of one quarter’s super profits

in a world where stopping to appreciate a sunset will get you plowed down and off the sidewalk into the gutter

I agree with Anonymous: you are probably one of the most sane people I know, it’s the world that’s crazy!! Also, your liver is on the right, the upper right. And even though it doesn’t have nerves it hurts other things when it gets swollen. Which yours is NOT!!! Love, Ma Smash

Ah, but anonymous#3, don’t you know that alcohol provides the path to wisdom? “Whiskey don’t make liars it just makes fools so I…didn’t mean to say, but I meant what I said.” Jennie is simply imbibing her way to a higher plane of existence. Any dedicated Buddhist would be jealous. Given that she’s obviously got a lot of things she wouldn’t otherwise be able to say it could take a while.