A humorous view of politics, religion, human behavior, and insights toward everyday happenings by a single guy living in downtown Chicago.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Britney Spears Panties Donation Rejected by Christie's

The following is an article I wrote for pugbus.net. Click here to see it. Thanks go to Iwanski for mentioning that Britney Spears' underpants probably reek of Marlboros.

LOS ANGELES - In an attempt to emulate Diana, Princess of Wales, Britney Spears contacted Christie's, London's world famous auction house, in hopes of donating her clothing to raise money for charitable causes and to underline further her split from Kevin Federline.

Unlike the late princess, who donated seventy-nine formal gowns to Christie's to put paid to her relationship with Prince Charles, Spears proposed to auction her used panties.

"I was quite stunned by Ms. Spear's gesture," reported Christie's consignment specialist, Adrienne Hines, who heads the Los Angeles division of the auction house. "While we were ever so grateful to receive Princess Di's formal gowns, we were taken aback with Ms. Spears' request that we auction off her undergarments."

Hines pointed to several boxes, most of them from liquor stores, stuffed with various styles of panties and thongs. "

Apparently, leopard must have been her favorite color," she sniffed.

Spears wanted the auction proceeds to be donated to charities in a campaign called "Panties for Humanity," Hines explained.

"For example, she knew that the gown Princess Di wore while dancing with John Travolta had garnered $225,000; so Britney thought these little babies might fetch a high price," said Hines as she held up a simple pair of day-of-the-week white cotton panties monogrammed "Tuesday."

"She claims to have worn these while filming the video to 'Baby One More Time.' Frankly, I'd hate to think of who would want these."It was soon after Ms. Spears had pitched her proposal that she was seen partying with Paris Hilton and wearing no panties. Apparently, she'd donated all of them to us and decided against replacing them."

Hines said that the upscale auction house had no intention of fulfilling Spears' request.

"Used thongs are simply not what we're about at Christie's. Besides, I don't think the stench of Marlboros ever could have been removed."

In related news, Hines reported that Paris Hilton later showed up in her office with boxes of panties to be auctioned, but "it became apparent that none had ever been worn."