4 New Job Opportunities For Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson had been elevated to Messiah-status in recent weeks, but that didn’t stop the BBC crucifying JC in March for his latest misdemeanour.

Here’s 4 new jobs he might consider in light of his sacking:

1. Mayor of London

Boris Johnson has offered to take over Top Gear, so maybe Clarkson could go the other way. He’s got all the traits of a politician – he’s arrogant, he shoots from the lip, he’s no stranger to controversy, but his most relevant qualification of all is that he can’t be trusted.

2. New member of One Direction

With Zayn Malik leaving, Clarkson could be the perfect replacement. He’s a bullish kind of guy who only knows one direction – forward at great speed. He’s also got relevant experience – Clarkson, Hammond and May were just like a boy band with their matching opinions, hardcore following and silly haircuts.

3. Fast food operative

He’s already demonstrated his passion for having food delivered with haste, so what better job for Clarkson than working in the fast food trade? Just so long as it’s not Mexican food. Refried sick is what I think he called it.

4. Taxi driver

Taxi drivers are known for thinking they own the road, sharing right wing views and charging extortionate amounts for driving on your behalf. Clarkson wouldn’t even need to go through an interview process!