tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34975780978609647402017-07-27T14:19:18.217-07:00My Bundle of JoyFenny Mariananoreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497578097860964740.post-2955019815011086522013-11-17T02:16:00.000-08:002013-11-17T02:17:28.998-08:0010 Recipes for Happy Marriage You Might Not KnowA happy marriage seems to only exist in fairy tales in today’s world. The divorce rate is rising each year. If you ask the average married couple, they will admit that divorce has crossed their minds many times. Men are looking for wives who won’t nag and actually understand them. Women are looking for husbands who are sensitive to their needs and actually understand them. In the end both parties of a marriage are looking for the same thing: a happy relationship.<br />But how can a marriage survive much less be happy in this day and age? Much of it means coming back to the basics of human relationships.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-J0z0rfWWkxE/UoiXkQhUhoI/AAAAAAAAAEE/Qu6NBjM7YNM/s1600/images+(4).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-J0z0rfWWkxE/UoiXkQhUhoI/AAAAAAAAAEE/Qu6NBjM7YNM/s1600/images+(4).jpg" /></a></div><br />1. Communication<br />The biggest success indicator in any relationship (personal or professional) is good communication from all parties. Looking at the bare basics of it, communication does not involve just talking to someone or keeping them up to date on things. These are important parts, but communication goes much deeper than that. If you’ve never taken a speech/communication class, you should. You begin to learn that communication might involve you speaking, but that is only the beginning. Person A speaks – communication begins. Person B listens (not just hears). Person B communicates verbally or physically that they understand what Person A said (either by acting out or repeating what THEY understood Person A said). If Person B did not understand correctly, Person A would restate in a different manner. If Person B did understand correctly, communication was successful. Words are not merely spoken. They need to be UNDERSTOOD. Parties in a successful marriage not only talk to the other person (instead of assuming that they can read minds) but also listen to what the other person says. Listening involves paying close attention to what is being communicated instead of concentrating on what the reply is going to be. Humans were created with two ears and only one mouth. Therefore, listening should be done twice as often as speaking. If you want to know how good of a communicator you really are, ask your spouse and be prepared for honesty.<br /><br />2. Alone Time<br />This is not referring to alone time with each other (which is a different point here), but to actual alone time of the person. There is a time when everyone needs to “get away” from life and that would include the significant other. Sanity is only possible with that. Allow and even encourage the other person to seek alone time. It can be by talking walks, indulging in their hobbies, or even escaping for a weekend to refresh. Sabbaticals from all aspect of life is important to recharge and get your energy back. Though spouse might be gone for this weekend, be assured that if each of you are committed to each other your alone time will be coming soon.<br /><br />3. Date<br />Dating should not end when the “I do’s” are said. Dating is a time to get to know each other and grow closer. When the ceremony is over, you are only at the beginning of that journey still. There is a lot more to learn. Be very deliberate to keep dating. In all honesty, that is much easier before children arrive. Once there are others in the immediate family, finding that time to escape with each other will seem impossible. But there are always ways. There is the standard “hire and babysitter and go out” night. Then there is the “lock yourself in the basement” night. And don’t forget the “guilt the grandparents” night. But it can be done. There is a great hub Start a Date Night Babysitting Co-Op on how to raise a family and still get those nights out by working with others in the same boat. I would advise you to check it out and see what ideas could work for you.<br /><br />4. Respect<br />If there is no respect in the marriage, there is no marriage. Respect means to give special attention or honor to something or someone. It does not mean ridicule or make fun of. With respect, grows love and sacrifice. With respect is given a sense of value by the other person. In all honesty, do you want to be around anyone who does not respect you? In other words think that you are meaningless and not worth their time? Of course not. Respect has to be there for the other person as a person, as a representative of their gender, as a human with feelings like yourself. So how do you have respect? Focus on their good qualities. See where they shine. We can acknowledge the weaknesses without letting them overshadow it all.<br /><br />5. Loyalty<br />If you refuse to stand up for your spouse to your “friends” or your family, it cannot be a successful marriage. Now, I’m not purposing that you dump them all or stay in strife with them. But there will come a time you will have to decide between husband/wife or family/friends. If the husband or wife is not chosen, there is no marriage. So many times, the in-laws or the best friends begin a critical attack of the spouse. It might start off subtle, but over time it becomes extremely nasty and ugly. Silence tells your spouse that you agree with the attacks and that you feel the same way. Do you really mean to tell your loved one that? Do you really want them to feel that you don’t like anything about them? Let your spouse know that you care by letting everyone else know that. Your husband/wife has flaws because after all they are mere humans, but they have your love and are important to you. If the others don’t understand this, you might be better off without them.<br /><br />6. Attention<br />When you go to a gathering, do NOT leave your spouse at the door and only look for them when the night is over. Don’t do the exact opposite either and smoother them with attention and follow their every footstep. But seek them out throughout the event. Even if it is just a gentle touch of the hand as you walk by, it is a message to them that you care and that you are thinking of them. You will not believe how far that will go. It will endear you to them and in all honesty also paves way for intimate moments.<br /><br />7. Encouragement<br />When the other half has an interest, encourage them (as long as it is not other men or women). To know that you want them to enjoy sewing, playing baseball, cooking, or fishing causes them to want to spend more time with you and respect your activities. There is a great book called How Full is Your Bucket. The premise of this work is that your emotional well-being is like a bucket. As you are filled (with encouragement), you have more to dip out and share in the happiness with others. Making someone else feel good makes us feel good and the relationship grows and prospers.<br /><br />8. Laugh<br />Laughter heals much, including relationships. When you laugh over things especially yourself, the bond is strengthened. It can be a joke, a moment of your past, a movie, or just the antics of an animal. Laugh till you cry or side hurts. Laugh until you can’t breathe. Laughter helps you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It goes further than any medicine you may take.<br /><br />9. Get Physical<br />There has to be a physical relationship for a happy marriage. I’m not just talking about the extremely intimate aspect of it though that is very important, too. I’m talking about the basic need to be touched. Cuddle. Hold hands. Don’t let a moment pass you by to hug the other person and let them know that you crave that interaction as much as they do. Let them know that you want them in every sense of the word. The most wonderful moments can be just holding each other as you watch a sunrise. Nothing more. Just holding each other. Find those times and don’t let them pass by.<br /><br />10. Humility<br />The only way for anything in life to be successful is to have humility. Arrogance has no place in marriage. Only when you admit that you are not perfect and that others make mistakes, can you grow and become one. Humility is just not saying “I have faults”. It is willing to accept criticism (done in love!) and be willing to grow. That admits willing attending a marriage counselor if needed, doing studies together to grow, or to just swallow your pride and attend the activity that the other half has their heart set on. Humility is the building blocks for most of our growth as a human being and marriage does not escape needing it.Focus on getting each of these attributes in your marriage and watch how much stronger it grows. If you have trouble achieving any of these, seek out professional help to help guide you down the path.<br /><div><br /></div>Fenny Marianahttps://plus.google.com/101504308871636829081noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497578097860964740.post-63608743346441366222013-11-17T01:59:00.000-08:002013-11-17T02:03:18.461-08:00What is HappinessThis post title question might appear a little surprising at first. Does "happiness" really need to be defined? After all, we all seem to know quite well what it is. We know when we are happy, and when we are not.<br /><br />However, on second thought it turns out to be not that simple. Stating selected moments where we feel great or terrible are just sample states where we would use the expressions "happy" or "unhappy". They do not actually define what it is (for requirements of a definition see below) and leave several questions unanswered, e.g. can it be considered "happy" if we are not feeling significantly positive or negative?<br /><br />For the purpose of this blog (and every discussion on happiness for that matter) I believe it is important to ensure that we have a solid definition and common &amp; clear understanding of what we mean by happiness.<br /><br />Existing definitions<br /><br />I?ve done research on definitions of happiness that are used today, and found that most of them are not suitable as a basis to analyze happiness for one reason or another. For example, a common type of a happiness definition is the following, found on wikipedia.org:<br /><br />"Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy."<br /><br />The problem with definitions like this is that they use expressions which need definitions themselves. For example, in the definition above, what does "joy" exactly mean? Defining "joy" is no easy task either, and we run the risk of using the term "happiness" again when defining "joy" (Wikipedia actually redirects to the "Happiness"-article when you enter "Joy"), i.e. going in circles.<br /><br />Another common form to define happiness is stating examples. For instance, when people were asked on what is happiness for them, they replied along the lines of?<br /><br />"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."<br /><br />"Happiness is living in a state of freely choosing to create and exchange one's rational values with others."<br /><br />"Happiness is when you balance your emotions with your thinking ability, constantly facing life's challenges with the thought of "something better" coming your way. Happiness is being able to face challenges and overcome them with a smile on your face and a smile on your heart."<br /><br />Etc.<br /><br />These examples are certainly pointing to different elements of happiness but are no comprehensive definitions, at least not in a scientific sense (although it is interesting to hear what makes different people happy?).<br /><br />Requirements/ criteria for a good definition<br /><br />So what needs to be in place for a good definition, i.e. what is the definition of a definition?<br /><br />To serve the purpose of the discussions on this blog, the definition should allow happiness to be analyzed in a scientific way, which implies that the following criteria have to be in place:<br /><br />* Measurable &amp; scalable: The extent of happiness should be able to be measured and ? in principle ? be able to put down various states of happiness on a numeric scale<br />* Comparable: The "points on the scale" should be able to be compared to each other, i.e. answering the question how many "slightly positive moments" are required to compensate one "very positive moment". This is already implied by the first criteria but may be worth mentioning explicitly<br />* Comprehensive: Every moment we live through should be able to be attributed to one point on the scale, which implies that it is not only the "positive direction" but also covers unhappy moments and suffering<br />* "Agreeable": It should reflect our existing notion of what happiness is and not be entirely different<br /><br />The key question, of course, is how a subjective feeling like happiness can ever be put on an objective scale as mentioned above. Can happiness be "objectivised" at all?<br /><br />Before thinking about how to make this shift, we should be clear about what we are trying to shift into, i.e. what "objective" actually means. At this point, different world views may collide, but I would like go ahead and use the world view that I share with all other people who believe in science and the view that the world is basically made up of physical and chemical processes and reactions.<br /><br />Objectivization, in this respect, therefore means to state physical and chemical constellations and reactions (down to atomic level if we want to be very exact) that would qualify as the phenomena we want to define (and which don?t). In other words, defining means nothing else than "grounding in the physical world".<br /><br />The challenge with defining happiness, however, is that the physical constellations and processes that occur in the brain are a "black box" for us. Today, our knowledge about the brain is very limited, and we are far from stating the exact happenings in the brain that could be considered as happiness. Although we have some knowledge of emotional centres in the brain and their functions, we are far away from describing what exactly happens when we are "happy" (which is also tightly linked with being "conscious", another term that will be left to the future to define).<br /><br />Therefore, a "perfect" definition of happiness is not possible at this stage. Although disappointing, it is nevertheless important to point out that eventually it will be defined in this way. Today?s restrictions, however, force us to find another way that also fulfils the criteria mentioned above to the most extent possible.<br /><br />Proposal for a "preliminary" definition of happiness<br /><br />As understanding means to know how it came about, it makes sense to remind ourselves that happiness and suffering, "feeling good" and "feeling bad", "pleasure" and "pain" fulfil a clear evolutionary purpose: to steer us in a way that is most beneficial for our (to be exact: our genes?) reproduction. It?s a punishment/reward system based on nature?s experience on what actions (most likely) achieve this goal and which don?t.<br /><br />In other words, this punishment/reward system is designed to convey to us whether we should aim to strive for similar moments in the future or not, i.e. whether we should strive to re-live them or not. The proposal put forward in this post is that this element, whether we want to re-live the moment (if offered to us "for free") should be used as basis for defining happiness.<br /><br />Consequently, if the answer to the question "Would you choose to re-live the moment if offered for you for free?" is "Yes" we are in the positive area of the "happiness scale", if the answer is a "No" then in the negative, or, if we are indifferent, we are on the "0".<br /><br />Definition of happiness The advantage of determining happiness this way is that it brings different emotions down to one common basis. Instead of distinguishing between pleasure, joy, comfort etc. as different happiness states (which would make it tough to directly compare them), the only thing that matters is the answer to the "happiness question".<br /><br />Phrased as a "definition":<br /><br />"A person can be considered to have experienced a "happy" moment if the person chooses to re-live it as an end in itself if offered at no cost."<br /><br />First I thought that a weakness of this definition is that often it does not feel easy to answer the "happiness question" and that it requires some thinking. For example, if asked now: would you want to re-live the last second again? For me, I would think a little, and then come to the conclusion that I would, but it?s not a clear and strong "yes".<br /><br />Now I believe that this phenomenon does not point so much to a weakness of the definition, but more to the fact that most of the time, we are actually on the "0" of the scale or very close to it (at least that is the case for me).<br /><br />If we accept this definition for the moment, we now know whether we are in the positive, negative or on the "0". We still need to answer the question "how much positive" (or negative) we are, making the moments comparable to each other.<br /><br />Here again, the proposal is to ask the person who lived through the (at least two different) moments for his preference. For example, if we take two moments that have been voted as worthwhile to be re-lived if offered for free (i.e. on the positive part of the scale):<br /><br />1. Would you rather re-live moment I or moment II?<br />2. If the answer is "moment I": would you rather re-live 2 of "moment II" or one moment "I"?<br /><br />And so on. If it ends up that the test person values one "moment I" as much worth as 3 "moment II", for example, "moment II" will be on "+1" on the scale, while moment "I" is on "+3".<br /><br />Don?t get me wrong: I am not suggesting anyone should perform this cumbersome process for every second he or she lives. It should only demonstrate how, in theory, different happiness states can be set in relation to each other, thereby deepening our understanding of happiness.<br /><br />Critical appraisal of proposed definition<br /><br />On the positive side, this definition fulfils all the criteria as defined above:<br /><br />* It makes happiness measurable and scalable<br />* Different "happiness states" can be compared<br />* It is comprehensive, as the happiness question can be applied for every moment we live (there is always an answer)<br />* It is "agreeable" as it matches our existing perception of happiness well and makes sense from an evolutionary perspective<br /><br />Further, as mentioned above, it provides a simple and common basis for all emotions, thereby reducing complexity. However, there are also some critical questions:<br /><br />* What if you ask an individual with mental illness or who identifies as a masochist who is in significant pain but still says that he wants to re-live the moment? Can that be called "happiness"?<br /><br />Assuming that the pain is really the predominant emotion (which for masochism often isn?t; from the outside it looks like pain but the person may get a strong counter-emotion, e.g. sexually, which overcompensates the pain, making him indeed "happy") this example shows the disadvantage of not measuring the "real thing" but doing an approximation with an experimental question. This case, however, can be considered as rather unusual and exceptional.<br /><br />* What about animals, who are clearly capable of feeling pleasure and pain and who cannot respond to the "happiness question"?<br /><br />Response does not have to be verbal but can be through behaviour in other forms as well. For example, a mouse that is staying away from the electroshock stick demonstrates that it does not want to re-live the experience of touching it. It is possible to set up experiments that clearly show the animal?s preference for one situation or another.<br /><br />* It still does not provide full transparency on how happy we are overall as we would need to run this process (asking the happiness question) for every single moment of our lives.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sTjeirv1fWo/UoiTbx9zCWI/AAAAAAAAAD4/LfNzQrEQCN0/s1600/00009aa5_big.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sTjeirv1fWo/UoiTbx9zCWI/AAAAAAAAAD4/LfNzQrEQCN0/s320/00009aa5_big.jpeg" width="254" /></a></div><br />The unit that?s getting measured does not have to be restricted to a "short moment" (e.g. a second), but can be over a longer period of time, in the extreme case asking "would you chose to re-live your entire life again if offered (with exactly the same emotions, know-how etc.)?".<br /><br />The risk with extending the measured period, however, is that there can be substantial distortions as our assessment of the past is very much influenced how we feel at the time we make the assessment. For example, if we are feeling great our assessment of our past will most likely be substantially more positive than if we just had a major stroke of fate, while there should be no difference as the life we?ve lived so far is fact and cannot be changed. This distortion and how to deal with it will be addressed in the following posts.<br /><br />This is a first shot at defining happiness. Before continuing further and addressing the logical questions that result from this, I would like to stop here and ask you what you think about this "preliminary" definition. Do you spot any flaws in thinking? Did I miss out anything important? I would love to hear your thoughts.<br /><div><br /></div>Fenny Marianahttps://plus.google.com/101504308871636829081noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3497578097860964740.post-8268398972623477612013-11-17T01:53:00.001-08:002013-11-17T02:06:19.703-08:00Make Your Bunny HappyJust as kittens and puppies need time, love and attention…your pet rabbit does too! In order to have a happy and healthy bunny you need to provide the proper care (and I mean more than just food, water, shelter and medical care…playtime is just as important!). If possible, make time for your pet rabbit every single day. Even if you can only spend thirty minutes with your bunny, some time is better than no time! After all, what is the point of having a pet (whether it be a kitten, bird, dog or rabbit) if you aren't going to devote time to your furry (or feathered) friend!So what can you do to make your bunny happy? Well, believe it or not, there are several things you can do to entertain your hoppy friend. As with any animal, the more time you spend with them, the stronger the bond you will form (and who doesn't want to form a strong bunny bond!). First of all, if you want a happy hopper (not to mention healthy) feed him a daily diet of FRESH hay and greens. Hay is probably one of the most important parts of your rabbit's diet; therefore, you must give him the RIGHT type of hay. Rabbits eat GRASS HAY (such as Timothy). It should also be noted that the hay you feed to your bunny rabbit should be FRESH! Just as fresh, homemade dog treats make dogs bark with joy, fresh Timothy grass hay will have your bunny hopping with glee! Rabbits also enjoy fresh greens such as parsley, kale, and dark leaf lettuce.Exercise that Rabbit!<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6uXauzmO2IU/UoiScved0FI/AAAAAAAAADs/IDjT2oMtND4/s1600/12285416.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6uXauzmO2IU/UoiScved0FI/AAAAAAAAADs/IDjT2oMtND4/s320/12285416.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><br />No, it is not a good idea to take your rabbit to the gym however he does need plenty of exercise in order to live a happy and healthy lifestyle! It is very important that your pet rabbit spends plenty of time OUTSIDE of his cage. Rabbits, like kittens, are very curious and enjoy the opportunity to romp and explore. Make time for your rabbit and set him free (and I don't mean literally) at least three to four times per week (for an hour or two at a time). So why is it important for your bunny to get plenty of exercise? Well, there are many reasons! Exercise helps to keep your rabbit in shape (prevents obesity) and also helps to keep your bunny's spirit up! Just like people get depressed your rabbit can too! If a rabbit is confined in a cage for too long without the opportunity to stretch and explore…you will have one sad hopper on your hands. Exercise also can help to prevent gastrointestinal problems, and improve urinary function!Just as you don't like to live in a messy environment, your rabbit doesn't either! If you want a happy bunny make sure you clean his cage thoroughly at least ONCE per week (and when I say clean…I mean CLEAN AND DISINFECT). Keeping your rabbit's cage neat and tidy will not only make your hopping friend happy, it will keep him healthy as well!<br /><br />Not only does your rabbit need time for exercise, he needs time to play as well! Yes, people, rabbits do play and in fact, they enjoy playing with toys and engaging in rabbit games! Keeping your bunny physically fit is very important but it is also necessary to keep his mind stimulated as well (a bored bunny is an unhappy bunny!). There are several toys that your bunny will enjoy that you can make at home (a great way to save money). For example, place a box of shredded paper in your rabbit's cage…why? Well, rabbits love to jump and dig and shredded paper is safe and fun! Rabbits also enjoy nesting so throw a few old towels into his cage (just make sure he doesn't eat them). Another inexpensive toy that will keep your rabbit entertained…..paper towel and toilet paper cardboard tubes (ask your friends to save the tubes after the toilet paper and towels are gone). These tubes will provide hours of mental stimulation for your rabbit as he chews on them and rolls them around.No matter whether you own a rabbit, kitten, bird or dog….all animals depend on their PEOPLE for love and care. Their happiness depends on US! Though exercise, playtime and a clean cage all play a very important role in the well-being of your bunny, the most important thing you can do is spend QUALITY TIME with your pet! Rabbits are social creatures. They NEED and CRAVE social time with YOU! Make time for your bunny each and every day. Whether you simply pet him while watching television or let him run around the room while you talk on the phone….the best thing you can do for your furry friend is to spend time with him. So there you have it….five simple things you can do to ensure that your hopper is happy!<br /><br /><div><br /></div>Fenny Marianahttps://plus.google.com/101504308871636829081noreply@blogger.com1