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I recently finished my 4-year commitment Sun Dancing. Took me 5, hehe :D. For various reasons many folks on here won't necessarily relate to, I knew when I started it would take me that long, so it wasn't a surprise to me when it did.

I learned A LOT over those 5 years, about everything. My life, my mission, what medicine(s) I carry, etc. It's been a wild ride, and it's only just starting.

About 20 years ago, I was at a powwow, I think it was the one in Kanehsatake, before they stopped doing it (there's a new one there now, done by other community members, still traditional - as opposed to contest), and there was this guy there, probably around the same age I am now, but 20 years ago :P. Anyway, he'd been talking about stuff a lot of people were back then: getting the then youth (my and others' age) to "pick up the torch", and get involved in ceremonies, our cultures, languages, etc. I felt that to be a rallying cry of sorts, as I started doing that - and haven't stopped.

One of the these he spoke of was Sun Dance. That really got me going, and curious - in hindsight I see why it did. So, I started learning. Everything from my culture, language, etc. My parents never got into it, and were/are very out of touch, but at the same time supportive, especially my dad. He isn't too clear on the idea of Sun Dance, and what we do, but he knows it's a positive and helpful thing.

So a few years ago, I heard that a community that I go to a fair amount in Ontario was starting one, bringing it back. They hadn't done one in that community in a very long time - I don't recall exactly but anywhere between 50 and 100 years. So I felt "Aha! This is it!" - the moment I'd been waiting for for a long time. Plus, just the year previous I'd been to one in Whapmagoostui, a community in the far north. Having thoroughly appreciated and cherished that experience, I knew that getting involved I this one would be good.

This sort of ceremony is't for the faint of heart, nor does anyone just decide the dance. Dancers get a dream to dance, or a vision. Otherwise it's another way, seeking healing. Regardless, it's a full on commitment. You commit 4 years to do this. Some drop out, and that's OK too. For me, I knew I had to be there. A deep spiritual impetus.

Quite often people commit the rest of their lives to this. As I have. I have a lot of things to do still, and this way is a means of accomplishing that. I'm one of those people that has had a sense of a mission, and that since I was a pre-teen.

It isn't just "an activity", or "something to do" - it's a way of life, of being, of how to treat others and yourself. The west - at least here (in NA) - has lost this, surrendering itself to vanity and ego and materialism. The vast majority of people here don't have any sort of spiritual connection, even if it is "just" a deep philosophical attitude to life and other living beings. Things have been changing, but you wouldn't be able to tell if you just paid attention to mainstream media.

That very first year was the hardest. I didn't think I was ready, and in some ways I wasn't, but I knew "I'd come home". The love, the feeling of having a new spiritual family, everything, it's so beautiful it'll leave you speechless.

As for some of the details, I can't talk about in public, there's some stuff that's I either can't talk about because it's "just for me", or because I'm honour-bound not to, or because I'd have to write a book to explain certain things, or some other reason.

What I can talk about however, is the things like the love, the feeling of family, the feeling of being cared for, and caring for others, people you didn't know before you met at that ceremony. Sharing of the deepest things in your heart, both good and bad. The sense of security and oneness with the entirety of Creation.

After my second year, I started calling it "oh, I'm going to Heaven again". Everything takes on this glow of sorts, the spiritual radiance, it's like a bright light all over, whether it's raining or shining.

Words fail to fully capture the experience. I hope to do it some justice.