A Rambly Reality Check

Hello lovelies! Oh look, I’m actually posting something besides the 2014 Blogger Challenge! It’s a miracle! Lol So this post is going to be a bit all over the place, I’ll be honest. There are two things that I absolutely want to talk about and they don’t exactly have to do with each other, but here they are: blogging and *dun dun dun* my weight.

I’ll start with blogging. As some of you may know, I have not been very active on this blog which does make me sad because when I started this blog, I had the complete intention of writing on it all the time about what I’ve been doing, what I’ve been loving, etc. However somewhere along the way, my blog has completely taken a backseat to everything else in my life. I really want that to change. I know I’ve said “Oh I promise I’ll be on here more” before, but this time, I really do want to make the effort. I’ve been thinking it for a few weeks now, but what has really brought it home is going through my oldest blog posts. Tonight I was reading all my earliest blog posts and it really made me miss blogging; I used to do it quite a lot! Recently I’ve been quite focused on my YouTube channel which I’ve been uploading on every Wednesday and I think a great way to make sure I blog more often is to set a designated day for me to post. Of course, I’ll be trying to post as I feel like it on a day to day basis, but I think telling myself Sunday is the day I write on my blog will solidify more of a habit for because I really do love it, but just sometimes forget. Phew! That seemed like quite a ramble. Lol The point is I miss blogging so much and I’m going to be posting more often no matter aaaand I will be posting SOMETHING, whether it be beauty or life-y, every Sunday! Hopefully those of you who read my blog will enjoy my life’s journey with me. 😛

Right, secondly I’d like to discuss my weight. As I was saying above, I was going through old blog posts, some of which included photos of me and looking at those photos from literally less than a year ago, I can see such a huge difference in my face. I’ve been overweight since a very young age so I’ve never been skinny, but typically I’ll look at photos from when I was 16 and think “Oh, I was a lot smaller then.” To my surprise, though, even just looking at the photos from last September, I find myself saying that same thing. Weight has always, always been a struggle for me. I think the first time I tried losing weight was when I was 13 and it was going well for a while until I developed a bit of an eating disorder which has been a struggle on and off since. I tried losing weight a few different times throughout my teen years through portion control, weight loss agencies, exercise, the lot, and they always work for a little while, but then I fall off the wagon. I’m going to be very real with you all right now and say that since I was 16 years old when I was already overweight, I’ve gained 100 lbs more. Most people don’t even gain that much weight in their lifetime apart from just growing up.

The past few months, I’ve started seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and a dietian, but I’m still having quite a difficult time with it all. I’m glad to say my bulimia and binge eating disorder haven’t been a problem, but I’m still not eating as healthily as I’d like to. I’m pretty sure I’m not gaining weight, but I’m not losing any either. I’m sure the obvious answer for most people (and probably myself as well) is start eating smaller portions of healthier foods and exercise and yes, it is that simple, but somehow I can’t seem to do it. I don’t know…I’ve got other things to worry about as well, but I’m afraid that if I keep putting my weight on the back burner, within another 5 years or less, I’ll be even bigger with dangerous health issues. I’ve been debating having a procedure done to help, but I don’t know, honestly. It won’t be lypo or anything like that, but still.

Sorry about that, that was probably the most rambly thing I’ve ever written on the internet, but it’s late and I’m just treating this as a bit of a journal of sorts at the moment. Don’t be surprised to see more rambly posts in the future as my blog may be undergoing some changes as I get more active with it. To end, this random little post here are some photos of me from the past month or so when I’ve had a little play around with different makeup looks and products. Hope you’re all doing well! Nighty night. Xx

Alright so I had absolutely no makeup on besides my eyes and yes, these are essentially selfies in my bathroom. Lol