Ranking The Riverdale Dads, From Worst To Best

Meghan De MariaMar 3, 2017 2:20 PM

Riverdale might have been compared to Pretty Little Liars before it premiered, but the truth is, the shows have almost nothing in common. Yes, they're both about small-town murders and high school students, but the similarities end there.

You see, the Riverdale students actually want to cooperate with the police, not to hide things from them. And, refreshingly, Riverdale didn't portray its student-teacher pairing in a positive light. But the biggest difference between the two shows is in how they handle the high schoolers' relationships with their parents.

Riverdale's parents are far more doting than anyone on PLL — at least, on the surface. Sneak out or act shady, and you'll be caught, and punished. And these parents are actually speaking with their children, in believable(ish) conversations. (Although, I can't say I'd be as mature as Archie (K.J. Apa) if my still-married dad wanted amy "blessing" to date someone who wasn't his wife.)

Still, as virtuous as the kids are about wanting to solve Jason Blossom's murder and find the Black Hood, all of the Riverdale parents have a lot of secrets. Hermione Lodge (Marisol Nichols) is a particular enigma, and Alice Cooper (Mädchen Amick) is straight-up evil. At least the two of them purport to care about their children, though, which is more than can be said of most of the show's father figures. I get that not everyone can be Danny Tanner, but these dads do not seem to have their kids' best interests at heart.

After seeing more from the characters' fathers in last night's episode, we decided to rank the Riverdale dads from worst to best.

Hal Cooper (Lochlyn Munro)

Hal is poised to be one of Riverdale's biggest villains. He sent his daughter Polly away after she got pregnant, and he doesn't seem very sorry about it. Plus, it looks like he broke into the sheriff's house to steal evidence. There's even an online fan theory that Hal abused Polly as a child, which is why she didn't want to be filmed in the home video he was watching. Hal is definitely hiding something — there's got to be more to his backstory than the longstanding Blossom/Cooper feud.

Photo: Photo: Diyah Pera/The CW.

Myles McCoy (Reese Alexander)

Last night was the first time we saw Josie's dad, and he's not great! He left the variety show during his daughter's performance because it didn't meet his standards. Luckily, the rest of the crowd gave the Pussycats a standing ovation. Way harsh, Myles!

F.P. Jones (Skeet Ulrich)

We don't know much about Jughead's dad yet, though next week's episode looks like it will give us some answers. Jones is apparently a member of a local gang, and has allowed his son to become homeless. Where does he live? Where is Jughead living now that the drive-in has closed? What happened to Jellybean?

Jones is definitely an absent dad. It might have something to do with his fallout with Fred Andrews, too. But until we know more, we're not supporting a father who doesn't seem to be caring for his son.

Photo: Katie Yu/The CW.

Clifford Blossom (Barclay Hope)

Cheryl and Jason's dad's biggest crime so far is staying with Penelope, who's clearly mistreating her daughter. But in terms of crazy parents, he's definitely not as bad as, say, Hal Cooper.

Photo: Photo: Katie Yu/The CW.

Hiram Lodge

In the Archie Comics, Hiram Lodge is Riverdale's wealthiest man. He's not present in The CW's Riverdale — he's in jail due to some illegal business dealings. We're still ranking him above Hal, Myles, Clifford, and F.P., though, because from what we've seen, he did care about Veronica and Hermione.

Sheriff Keller (Martin Cummins)

Sheriff Keller isn't evil — he's just not very smart. Why is he keeping an evidence board in his own home? And why didn't he suspect that the Blossoms' memorial service was just a veiled way to track down Jason's killer?

Kevin's dad is supportive of his sexual orientation, and it seems like they have a pretty good rapport. But surely, there's a more competent sheriff out there.

Photo: Dean Buscher /The CW.

Fred Andrews (Luke Perry)

Obviously, Archie's dad is by far the best. Can you even handle the earnestness of this photo? Fred and Archie have heart-to-heart conversations that I can't imagine having with my parents now, and definitely not when I was in high school. The smile Fred gave Archie during his performance at the variety show was too sweet.

The only criticism I have of Fred is that I wish he and the Coopers had sent Ms. Grundy to the legal system instead of just to another town. If she's a predator, does he want other teens to have the same experience Archie did?

Hal Cooper (Lochlyn Munro)

Hal is poised to be one of Riverdale's biggest villains. He sent his daughter Polly away after she got pregnant, and he doesn't seem very sorry about it. Plus, it looks like he broke into the sheriff's house to steal evidence. There's even an online fan theory that Hal abused Polly as a child, which is why she didn't want to be filmed in the home video he was watching. Hal is definitely hiding something — there's got to be more to his backstory than the longstanding Blossom/Cooper feud.

F.P. Jones (Skeet Ulrich)

We don't know much about Jughead's dad yet, though next week's episode looks like it will give us some answers. Jones is apparently a member of a local gang, and has allowed his son to become homeless. Where does he live? Where is Jughead living now that the drive-in has closed? What happened to Jellybean?

Jones is definitely an absent dad. It might have something to do with his fallout with Fred Andrews, too. But until we know more, we're not supporting a father who doesn't seem to be caring for his son.

Sheriff Keller (Martin Cummins)

Sheriff Keller isn't evil — he's just not very smart. Why is he keeping an evidence board in his own home? And why didn't he suspect that the Blossoms' memorial service was just a veiled way to track down Jason's killer?

Kevin's dad is supportive of his sexual orientation, and it seems like they have a pretty good rapport. But surely, there's a more competent sheriff out there.