Tag Archives: monogamy

A meeting by chance that lasts only for a moment. Years go by and paths cross again to blissful, seductive, confusingly passionate soul mate connection type of loving for 27hrs. The lip biting, leg quivering, lick around the labia until you pass out type of loving. The slow massage, toe sucking, booty massage, neck kissing, intentional, ear nibbling, who the fuck is this man, speaking sweet nothings to you, sensual genius type of love. The next day you’re in love until you realize…. it was all a dream and I think my next book will be erotica!!!!!

Sometimes the most unexpected things occur and knock you off your feet. You’re so use to fighting and loving in destruction that you fail to see a good thing and you sabotage it. You call it protection or boredom or simply bad timing, but it’s actually fear. Fear that you are finally feeling the love and effort that you deserve. Fear that somehow it will all come crashing down so you make mountains out of mole hills. You date the emotionally detached, the avoiders, the mommy/daddy issues, the ones too damaged and arrogant to even try, because you’re use to disappointment. But you know what, love? You deserve that one that shows you things your heart, mind, eyes and soul have never experienced and may even find inconceivable. Don’t be your own worst enemy. Healing is healing and it’s never too late to start that journey. Allow someone to love you through it when time lends its hand. Even if it’s short lived, embrace it.

Possibly three of the most powerful words many of us will ever hear but what’s the impact?

Sometimes it’s not that people love you, it’s that they love themselves and love how you make them feel. They love your consistency and dependability. Sometimes we put so much emphasis on hearing people tell us they love us but their actions show otherwise.

Loving someone means that sometimes you are uncomfortable because you learn to love that person in a way they understand love. The way they feel it. Meaning you took the time to listen and learn. How can you love someone when you only show it in a way that’s comfortable for you and find yourself shocked when they fail to feel loved. Or are confused about where they stand with you.

No one wants to always conform to the other persons way of loving with nothing in return. Love can be scary because of the fear of being hurt, but always keeping your guard up will result in people growing tired and walking away.

The most resilient in love may not mind the vulnerability because they understand the reward is great. Those people are often disregarded and undervalued. The best part is that eventually they figure out that they are wasting their love and move forward…

Yes, I’m talking about biting your lip at the sheer thought of your lover. Tracing their face with your finger tip, tightening your legs from the shiver and exhaling because you realized you weren’t breathing! Whew! Closing your eyes and feeling them in their absence…

Open your eyes when kissing and watch how much passion takes over your body. It’s intoxicating! So much passion and intimacy lies within the touch. Touch one another. Play with one another. Laugh and talk with one another. Plan a surprise hotel stay and make love all night! Have a parking lot make out session! Throw caution to the wind but don’t get locked up! Please! Go on a date with crotchless panties! Get handsy! Play in the car, but don’t end in sex, leave with a little anticipation, a little yearning but not too long! Life is about fun as well. Loosen up!

Be with someone who makes it overtly clear that they want you! If you have beautiful, easy and solid chemistry, don’t take it granted, everyone doesn’t have it. It doesn’t mean they can’t have a beautiful relationship though. True intimacy takes effort. Consider your lover. Men typically want to be wanted, women want to be desired. Women love to be considered. Simple as that. The power of passion lies in intimacy. The power of intimacy lies in communication. The power of communication lies in vulnerability.

I read a few articles and different postings about attraction and how we can get it wrong in our relationships. So across the board it discusses being attracted to the persons natural scent. Pheromones. That if anything about their particular scent is off putting to you, they are not the person you’re suppose to be paired with. Do you love the smell of your lover straight out of the shower without perfume lotions or soaps? Do you wake up in the morning and kiss the person without brushing your teeth? Can you?

Furthermore do you like their smell after they come home from a long day of work? Would you make love to them without a shower if they hadn’t been sweating all day?

People believe in soul mates but do those same people believe in compatibility based on natural smell attraction?

I’m curious, have you ever broken off a relationship based on a persons’ natural smell? Have you ever found yourself insanely attracted to a persons’ natural smell but couldn’t understand why?

Every single day that you wake up and you’re in love is beautiful. It’s also another day in the minefield of things that could explode. Often times we only consider the happiness and joy of love. We fail one another when we don’t consider how impossible it is to not let another person down. To not be terrified of being hurt. To not process our emotions, speak our deep hurts and heal our traumas. We fail one another by thinking that we are best suited to walk this journey alone and if someone wants to walk it with us they must get behind us because beside us isn’t available due to Damage being our right hand. That comfort zone that we all run to when things don’t go our way, get complicated or are more than expected.

Just because we dropped the ball doesn’t mean we can’t pick it back up.

Humans are flawed. Love is intricate. Love is also easy when people are willing to do the work. I sit in my new belief and firmly attest to it. People may love differently but all of us are capable of altering that way if we truly love another by opening our hearts and choosing to do so. We chose how successful we become by doing the work and making sacrifices, love works the same way. Life is about growing, making mistakes and learning from them.

Be open to learning new ways of love. There’s never just one way of doing things. We not only need other people but we need real, solid and true connections.

You know the one you immediately thought of when you read the title. Yes, that one! Can you feel it?

The moment when you can finally release that breath you’ve been holding in the second your lips touch… Yes.

The engagement of your lips gently touching, arms wrapped around one another.

Maybe he sits you on the edge of the counter top and pulls you in as you wrap your legs around him. Your arms stretched around his neck while he slowly kisses your neck, your cheek, your lips.

Maybe you lay down while she breathes you in, rubs you down and finds herself more turned on simply by your smell and the feel of you. She slowly slides her hand behind your head to pull you closer to her with every deep breath. Your lips touch and there goes that breath again. Entangled. Immersed.

The kiss so deep and passionate that you’ve become lost in time and space.

From children, some men were raised to be tough, strong, fearless, avoidant of crying or closeness, and under no means was vulnerability a trait that manhood requires.

These young boys were taught not cry when experiencing real physical or emotional pain. That their feelings and emotions don’t matter because only “girls display that type of stuff”! As they grow older their first love hurts them and they are told “toughen up, and find several more! Sadness isn’t normal! Love is for babies and little girls! Get them before they get you. Never tell them how you feel because they will use it against you. No one will ever love you anyway. Or lastly, mom is the only woman that truly loves me”. These young men have been exposed to and/or experienced physical, sexual and mental abuse that they’ve been too ashamed to speak on.

How can he learn true resolve if the human need to expel emotion is revoked?

This breeds men that are disconnected emotionally and mentally, are always “ok”, strong to a fault, emotionally and mentally exhausted, have a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, emotionally and mentally co-dependent on mom, incapable of committing, unknowingly depressed and breaking down from the inside out. This burden is a trend in their world.

The world hasn’t really been that considerate of the feelings of men, especially the feelings of Black men. In a country they fight for that also fears their very existence, they must humble themselves to avoid being any type of threat. They are prejudged and ridiculed solely based on appearance. We say we want men to lead and to command respect while placing the world on their shoulders and expecting them to have no feelings about the effects of such a burden.

It is time to allow men to not only express but for them to truly acknowledge and feel. How can he be at fault for understanding sex but not intimacy under these terms? If we as a society, continue to think it’s ok to call a man that speaks his truth “weak”, then we are also saying that it is ok for him to walk through life and damage as many people that are in his path. That my dear, includes his children as well. That cycle will continue to damage throughout the generations of young men and women until someone decides that it is time for change.

Sex is only 50% of the relationship when its bad or barely existent.
Why are people having unsatisfied sex? Why are they silent about that fact? Why do some women not know what great, wall climbing, back scratching sex is? Why is it a chore and not a pleasure?

This is geared towards the people in relationships and marriages, not so much as the single people. Single people still have the capability to have a different partner and resume new lust and fresh passion. You know who you are, even if you’re in denial. Men, I know you have heard the saying that a woman’s sex drive is tied to her emotions. Understand that for many, they are, doesn’t mean you will never get some. Just keep in mind that your sex lives in previous relationships are completely and utterly IRRELEVANT. Men and women have heard the saying that men are physical and don’t necessarily combined sex with emotion. It’s physical. However, when you’re in a relationship for many years, you can’t just hop on her and expect her to be ready. Some women need the car warmed up. But ladies, you don’t always have a headache (sex can help that though) and every time won’t be romantic. That doesn’t mean it can’t be great. No one should roll their eyes during sex because they are bored.
First things first: know your mate!!!!!!!

1. Talk to your partner. If the sex isn’t good it is the fault of both individuals. Communication is just as important in the bedroom as it is outside of the bedroom. Don’t be afraid to share who you are sexually with your partner. Closed mouths to get fed. And be open to change.

2. Explore. How is your man suppose to now know how to please you, if you don’t. Case closed. Men how is she suppose to know if your not telling her, she’s not the ex or the ones before her.

3. Be confident in your abilities whether you are a man or woman. Never be to cocky in a relationship because what worked on or with someone else may not work with this partner.

4. I have said this a thousand times. Take a trip to a toy store with your mate. If you’re married and want to be for the next 40-50 years, you should both be satisfied.

5. The two of you should decide what “normal” is. Never let anyone else determine the rules of your relationship. Create your own norms that satisfy you both!

All in all it’s a partnership. Don’t say anything that you wouldn’t want said to you. It can be a delicate discussion. My motto is that you should have a rewarding sex life, not a chore list. A sex bucket list is sexy though!

It’s alright if you require sex therapy but always, always try to work within your reach a push a bit past it. The two of you know each other best. Pay attention to when your mate is sexually frustrated. Everything that seems as if it is about sex, may actually be an underlying issue. Hence….communication is key!

Have fun and try something exciting tonight! Until next time lovers!! 🙂

I was watching divorce court one day and each person was saying “I still love him/her, but I want out”! So my question is, what makes the marriage last? In my opinion, it is the friendship. No matter how much you love your mate, you must be their friend first. A marriage can not blissfully succeed without it. My reason is simple…. Your friends are easily forgiven. They may lie to you or even talk behind your back, but somehow you say it’s ok and are friends once again. If at some point your spouse disagrees with you or tells you a white lie, oh it’s over!!! Call the lawyers and divide this stuff up!
So often do people say, Why can he/she not talk to me, the way they are so open with their friends. Well, why not open the door. First, leave the judgement, criticism, and snarky comments at the door. Your spouse wants a friend, not a tyrant, judge or jury. It’s never to late unless the proceedings have begun, but even then you never know. Marriages and relationships are on a rapid decline, when the vows were said, they were said with forever on mind. Now if it is most definitely a done deal , so be it! Just consider how you would want to be forgiven or how you interact with your friends.