If A Parent Murders An Autistic Child, Who Is To Blame?

If you haven’t heard about Alex Spourdalakis, you need to hear about him. His mother allegedly murdered him in cold blood, stabbing him four times in the chest with a knife after her effort to overdose him on sleeping pills failed. She was allegedly aided and abetted in this by Alex’s “godmother,” and they then killed the family cat before retiring with what they evidently expected would be fatal dose of sleeping pills, the same ones that hadn’t successfully killed Alex.

Certain groups with specific beliefs about autism causation have asserted that Alex’s mother had ‘no supports’, thanks to a system impervious to her pleas, and was driven to murderous desperation as a result. Their followers offer this rationale as a kind of excuse for her having killed her own son, for pitying her, often failing to mention Alex at all. It’s a common refrain when an autistic child is murdered.

Yet the reality is that certain persons appear to have stepped in as efforts were being made to get this mother–and more important, her teenaged boy–the support and medical help he needed. Those involved in this “intervention” are also in the process of shopping their “Autism Media Channel” project that in part focuses on their swooping in as saviors to cure autism, which they’re sure is a gut condition. That didn’t quite work out in this case.

Instead of ensuring that Alex received the support and medical help he needed, some autism-related sites, while he was alive, disseminated pictures and video of the boy that showed him strapped to beds, naked, with onlya towelcovering his genitals wearing only an adult diaper, and other degrading images, making claims about how the medical establishment was treating him that are, at best, unconfirmed. Regardless, making these images public was a violation of that child’s humanity and dignity as a prelude to the ultimate violation of his being murdered.

I strongly urge readers to review what is known about this case and to take note of those who were involved when Alex was not receiving the help he needed. CBS has covered this story in a controversial report [I am a volunteer editor at the site that sponsored the mentioned petition] involving Sharyl Attkisson, whose views regarding vaccines and autism have previously come through in her reportage. The CBS coverage seems to imply that somehow, society’s failure to support this mother led her to brutally murder her son by stabbing him four times in the chest. What society failed to do that led the godmother to be party to the murder remains unclear.

It’s become typical, again and again, for parents who murder their autistic children to get some kind of a “pass” from the commentariat and the news media because, well, autism is “such a challenge.” That’s in part because some autism organizations and members of the news media have successfully presented autism as a “monster” and a “ kidnapper” instead of as the developmental condition that it is. So in the public mind, an allegedly overwhelmed mother with “ no supports” should certainly be pitied and not judged harshly for killing the “monster.”

No other condition draws this kind of judgment or leads people to blame the condition, the murdered, and everyone except the murderer for killing her own child [ETA: although the murder of people with disabilities in general, especially people requiring extensive care, does frequently draw that kind of sympathy; also, a commenter has brought cerebral palsy to my attention as another example]. If Alex had had Down syndrome, cancer, schizophrenia, ADHD, or a traumatic brain injury, no one would be giving his mother a pity pass for having brutally taken his life, overwhelmed by his needs. Overdosed on sleeping pills but not dead, he was stabbed in the chest four times and then his wrist sliced with such force that it was almost detached from his body. Lest anyone doubt that in some circles he remains a secondary consideration, simply read this comment and others in the same thread in which the fact that he was brutally murdered doesn’t even warrant a mention. [Note: This post is based on my own response in that thread.]

To be clear, as our president would say, when someone murders an autistic child, the person to pity is the dead child, killed by a loved one. That loved one may have been deluded by the manufactured specter of a monster and a kidnapper instead of seeing the child in front of her, but the guilt is hers and hers alone. Unless, of course, there is also a “godmother” involved.

Update: For anyone seeking evidence of the sympathy for the mother here–which is being roundly denied in comments on this post that exemplify it at the same time, too–the blog Respectful Insolence features some quotes.

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You would have written this before hearing the news about the attempted murder suicide of Kelli and Issy Stapleton. I am stunned by the news. http://record-eagle.com/local/x312422563/Charges-loom-for-Benzie-woman-in-murder-suicide-attempt I have read some of her wordsy desperate somewhat self-derisive blog posts, also seen a great amount of supportive messages, fundraising and steps towards new therapies. All in all, a very public autism life. I am in shock that the mother still felt her only issue was to kill both of them?! What IS going on??

What I am shocked by is the public outcry of support for this mother that tried to kill her daughter. I am bewildered by all the blog followers & friends who rationalize or justify her actions. Obviously Kelli is severely mentally imbalanced; but how do you explain the hordes of people who fiercely defend her?

Even with a 100% recovery, that little girl’s path in life was made infinitely more difficult.

Welcome to the “pointy” end of an acrimonious internecine rivalry within the autism community.

One should reflect on how we portray and propagandize the tragic circumstances around Alex’s death, for what I can only surmise as some sort of “I’m right … they’re wrong”.

Unfortunately our world is full of grey where circumstances , events and personalities are not caricature villains.

Alex

Dorothy Spourdalakis, the mother

Jolanta Agata Skrodzka, the “Godmother” are all part of our shared community as are the wider extended family and the varying people that intersected with them. Including the many that assisted this family throughout their journey.

I don’t know the “truth” about this tragedy … unlike some that profess they do. So I’ll just leave it at that. Another saddening moment …

I really should not have checked the Huffington Post article’s comments.

“As someone who has helped raise a similarly disabled child, I am sympathetic to these caretakers. The constant toll over 14 years with little reprieve, and no chance of things getting better, have made me suicidal too. My mother, his primary caretaker, has admitted to fantasies of driving off a bridge with him in the backseat. Best case scenario, he predeceases all of us by natural causes.

Do not judge these people until you have walked in their shoes.”

The fact that people think like this is genuinely terrifying. Support groups do exist, for people of any age, and at any point on the autism spectrum. Taking care of a child with autism, any kind of autism, is exceedingly difficult, but to have fantasies of brutally murdering their own child, considering it generous to just hope that the kid dies before themself, then telling others not to judge them because they’ve never dealt with it is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard.

More support exists now than ever before, but these parents just seem lazy and sadistic. I have no idea what’s feasible or what could even help at this point with all the misinformation regarding autism floating around; maybe parents should be psychologically assessed along with their children during autism diagnosis.

Support groups. A place where you get to talk (whine) about how stressed out you are. What a bunch of bunk and worse a waste of time. Time better spent trying to get your kid to eat a green vegetable. Secondly, support for parents of autistic children varies dramatically based on where you live.

Given that I have a stay-at-home partner and a good job with good insurance and we still have a hard time. I’m truly surprised I haven’t read more stories like this particularly from single parents. I’m actually (pleasantly) surprised that this isn’t more common.

What do you do when your teenage autistic child is able to overpower you? This is a very real fear in my world.

Aw, thanks for referring to us as tyrannizing murderers who are a threat to your life whenever we are physically stronger than you.

First thing though, why is it that an autistic would try to overpower you in the first place?

You’ve done exactly what Emily said you would. You have tried to make people try to give these murderers a free pass, murderers of my people. You don’t even sound a single piece of regret for our deaths, only glib surprise that it isn’t more common.

You make us out to be monsters. No wonder your son is impossible to handle. Maybe for once stop blaming us for psychopaths murdering us.

You’re shunning your own child and other autistics, you don’t realize it but you are. How else could you speak so coldly and think it would be acceptable? If you don’t think Autistic children merit the same consideration that NT children do you might have a deficit – of character.

Aren’t you cute, Andrew Kilroy? Do you believe you have autism? Do you believe you know what autism is?

You probably don’t have the slightest clue, as shown by your first question. You seem to believe that autistics are whole human beings who just have troubles expressing their feelings. That an autistic individual wouldn’t need to resort to violence unless he felt threatened. Hah! Just shows how little you know.

I have an autistic brother, who’s 26 years old and 6 feet tall. He’s violent, unpredictable, and most of the time… cannot be reasoned with. He has inflicted several injuries, going as far as breaking bones, on my parents when I’m at work and can’t protect them. He does not communicate very well and lashes out violently if contraried in the slightest ways, such as seeing his favorite soccer team miss a goal opportunity, a weather forecast he doesn’t approve of, when a movie he wanted to see gets delayed, or receiving the news that his favorite news anchor is going to retire. And don’t even get me started on what happens when one of his toys break.

You see, not all autistics are made equal. I’m sure there are plenty of them who are as sweet as puppies, marvelous little creatures full of joy and love – but there are just as many who are the complete opposite. You sound just like someone who claims racism doesn’t exist anymore because you’ve never seen an act of prejudice with your own eyes, but that doesn’t make it the truth!

And for the love of all that is holy, don’t call yourself autistic. It’s really insulting to the families of real autistics whenever a pretentious hipster kid with Aspegers claims to have a mental illness.

The fact that you are able to write a cogent comment in an online forum pretty much negates any right to refer to yourself and Alex as “us”.

Seriously, that is absurd and shows a real lack of understanding of what these families go through. There is a reason there have been multiple murder-suicides by mothers of autistic children, can you even fathom how bad a situation it must be to make a mother do something like that?

The question “Where was the help for this family” is valid. The fact is, there is very little if any help for these families. Vaccine injured children who are autistic have zero chance of ever being compensated for their injuries, since the government has simply decided that vaccines cannot cause autism, regardless what evidence there is.

As a parent of an autistic child, I first became aware of this story via friends’ FB posts, most of them shares of stories from Alt-Med and anti-vax blogs. Considering the headlines, (Hospital Refuses to Treat Autistic Boy for GI Disorder), I smelled a (common species of alt-med) rat, and did not really pay attention to the story until after I heard the news of the murder. When I saw a video embedded in the news article of Andrew Wakefield seated at the boy’s bedside, it all made sense. No wonder the boy had enterocolitis! He was autistic and seated next to Andrew Wakefield! It turns out that the Autism Bio-med community was swarming all over and through this story, and when anyone questions or criticizes their involvement they demand to know, “Where were you when this boy needed help? Where was the media?” Personally, I think the more relevant question is, What was this well-known, de-licensed fraud doing in a child’s hospital room with a camera crew? Unfortunately, what he was doing was 1) asking for money so the boy could be sent to his former partner, Dr. K, and 2) filming a self-serving “reality” show aiming to vindicate himself and his discredited theories. I find that completely galling. Equally galling is the fact that a so-called “journalist” deliberately covered up his involvement. And even more galling is the fact that the bio-med crowd who demonized the real medical professionals and urged the mother not to use the help available STILL claims that this story is about their being “no help.” This story is not about the failure of the system. This is about the failure of the alt-med system.

What I want to know, and has also been asked much more eloquently by others before me, is where was the bio-med community and Mr. Wakefield? Surely there was time between his release from the hospitals who “refused to treat him” (with what I’m sure was not medically indicated SBM), his visit to Dr. K, and this abhorrent murder) for them to step up and really help, as they are fond of pointing fingers at the rest of us who were generally unaware until the murder. Oh, and the rest of us don’t live in million-dollar-houses. The system tried to help, and now an innocent child is dead at the hands of his mother.

Wakefield and his cronies are doing what they do best: getting the spotlight and trying to make money off a tragedy. I would expect no less from him and them, but CBS dropped the ball on this. I have no respect for Attkisson, and never had. I knew she was a crank, but the dancing that has been done as revealed in recent days to cover up the involvement of certain parties who immediately revoke revulsion and skepticism from the vast majority is unbelievable.

This is about a mother killing her child, and needs to be. I only hope this goes to trial so Alex can get justice HE DESERVES by facts revealed, and so a statement can be made that those with ASDs are NOT broken shells who can just be tossed aside or used as publicity ploys.

Right, because for Dr. Wakefield it has always been about the money. If you really knew anything about what has happened to Dr. Wakefield since his 1998 Lancet study you would realize that your accusations are patently absurd. Dr. Wakefield lost his license, his livelihood, and his country. Yet he continues to fight for autistic and vaccine injured children, whether or not you believe those are the same or different entities his intentions have always been to help these children and families. Over 10 years ago everyone pooh-pooed the idea that autistic children had any digestive disorders, now it is well accepted that this is the case. Now these children are at least being treated for these symptoms and their lives are made just a bit better for it.