Ted Haggard, the evangelical pastor who was dismissed following allegations of indulging in gay sex and abusing drugs, has agreed to undergo a “spiritual” rehabilitation process.

H.B. London of Focus on the Family said that the process, which could take anywhere between three to five years, was successful 50 percent of the time. “Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process,” he said, adding that those who fail “end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.”

***

Focus on the Family founder James C. Dobson was supposed to be the part of a team responsible for counseling Haggard, but Dobson withdrew citing a lack of time. “Emotionally and spiritually, I wanted to be of help — but the reality is, I don’t have the time to devote to such a critical responsibility,” Dobson said.

Jack Hayford of Van Nuys’ Church on the Way and Tommy Barnett of First Assembly of God in Phoenix are the other two members of the counseling team. Meanwhile it is not clear if Haggard wants to return to the ministry. But Leonard Chessler, Haggard’s lawyer said that he was devoted to God, “He says that he has committed his life to God and that he is looking for direction as to where God can best use him,” he added.

Spiritual healing to get rid of teh gay… I can’t stand these lunatics.

If Haggard wants to do God’s work, he should get treatment for his meth addiction, then stand up and loudly state he is gay, there is nothing wrong with it, and that God still loves him. What a service that would be to the closeted homosexuals in his church whose lives have been made miserable by folks like, well, Haggard.

H.B. London of Focus on the Family said that the process, which could take anywhere between three to five years, was successful 50 percent of the time. “Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process,” he said, adding that those who fail “end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.”

In another great mystery of our times, all automobile salesmen and footwear representatives in New Life Church mysteriously became Unitarians.

Dobson doesn’t minister to the lepers. He’s above that. We sure see these people’s true colors come out when something like this happens, don’t we? This is another place that a good purging could do wonders.

Thanks for being such a steady voice of reason John, its why I’ve been coming to your site everyday since I found you. Sanity has been so scarce these past few years.

Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process,” he said, adding that those who fail “end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.”

So THAT’S what happened to Al Bundy in “Married With Children”! He flunked his Spiritual Rehab.

If Haggard wants to do God’s work, he should get treatment for his meth addiction, then stand up and loudly state he is gay, there is nothing wrong with it, and that God still loves him. What a service that would be to the closeted homosexuals in his church whose lives have been made miserable by folks like, well, Haggard.

Al: ” This tall brunette came into the shoe store to buy a pair of size 12 pumps. She had a garter belt on and silk stockings like I like. Then she uncrossed her legs like in Basic Instinct.

Peg: ” Did you see it all?”

Al: ” Yes, it was a guy. Do you think I’m…”

Peg: ” Gay?”

Al: ” Just ‘cos I was vaguely excited touching a man’s leg and I don’t want to touch you. No, I’m not worried about my sexuality. I was wondering: Am I too sexy for my own good, Peg? I don’t want to turn on men so I come to the expert. Peg, how do you make men not want you?”

Asked about that comment, Bush said he made it because “I didn’t want to inject a major decision about this war in the final days of a campaign,” Bush said. He appeared to acknowledge having misled reporters, saying, “And so the only way to answer that question and to get you onto another question was to give you that answer.”

He added later, “Win or lose, Bob Gates was going to become the nominee.”

Does anyone have a link to Bush answering a reporters question about why he lied to us about Rumsfeld?

The place I’ve seen is reported is in the WaPo, but here’s a link to the NY Daily News It has the direct quote from Bush. BTW, “conning the media” was a typo in the article. It should be “lying to the media and the nation”

What makes much more sense and fits much better with their modus operandi is that he used Rumsfeld, as he used our forces in general, as a foil recently for the purpose of trying to hang onto a majority in Congress. Even a couple months ago, the stage was being set for a shift in direction (Baker, et al) which means that all of that “victory” bullshit was nothing but crass political rhetoric. That makes our troops stage furniture for political theater being played by Karl Rove … again. Again, these assholes use our most precious resources for their own purposes.

TZ…as much as Bush and Cheney deserve to be impeached, I really don’t want that. I am serious when I say I want the Dems to show the nation that we ARE different than the horrendous and insane partisanship of the last 12 years. Sadly, while Clinton was impeached for the crime of being an complete outsider (the “impeachment” started the day he was elected) and on the other hand this crew SHOULD be impeached for crimes, real crimes…it’s got to stop somewhere. This past election cycle sickened me unto death.

Dobson has “other priorities”…these people are disgusting.
I did read that 25 to 30% of the evangelicals did vote Dem this time…have they had their national “Elmer Gantry moment” yet?

. . .who stand at the head of organizations that include tens of millions of members, who generally view the world through a thousand-year time distortion lens. It’s worth keeping an eye on them, if only to make sure they don’t screw things up too much for everyone else.

“…those who fail ‘end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.’”

You’re telling me that in that enormous congregation, there’s not ONE car salesman, or ONE lady employeed by Sears to peddle footwear? I’m guessing that, after reading that comment, there’s more than just a few pissed off Evangy members.

Bringing back memories of the occasionally funny and thoughtful “Saved!”

That movie was beter than expected. I particularly liked it when Mandy Moore hit the other girl with her Bible while yelling, “I am full of Christ’s love!” Pretty apt visual metaphor right there.

And Haggard is a total condescending prick in Jesus Camp. Oddly enough, he’s also the only one in the movie who objects to it.

Anyway, John, I don’t see why you’re so opposed to beating teh ghey out of people with the Bible. Clearly, 50 percent of the time it works every time. All people with teh ghey need is the loving compassion of people telling them what wretched, subhuman, hellbound, deviant creatures they are. Makes total sense to me.

WOW! No wonder I never liked Car Salesmen! Their ranks are apparently filled with Failed Homosexual Drug Users (to clarify, they are failures at BOTH Homosexuality AND Drug Abuse, since they throw all the dope away). It’s not the “homosexual” thing I have a problem with, it’s the WASTE…my generation got a lot of very stern lectures about waste from Depression Era parents…I still take it very seriously…you should see all the paper clips I have rescued over the years. But Punchy’s right, those poor, detestable souls consigned to sell cars and shoes were severely dissed by that Focus on Family twit.

Not to be picky or anything but I thought purchasing meth was a…um…what do you call it? Criminal offense. You can’t even buy allergy medicine without going through a cavity search because it can be used to make Meth. Why isn’t this bastard sitting in jail?

I guess that says it all about the fundies: Using drugs that will turn your brain to powder is fine, just don’t touch anyone of the same sex.

In a slightly related note: The Washington Post has a long, whiny op-ed piece about how it is wrong to stereotype Evans. because not every single Evan. is a rabid hate-spewing bigoted cretin. Yeah, yeah, and the Ladies’ Klan Auxillary throws a mean bake sale.

jay

p.s. Would it be wrong to start a rumor that Dobson quit because sHaggard’s confessions got him all hot and bothered? Yeah, you’re right. It would be very bad. Forget I mentioned it.

Me either. Mainly because it’s disruptive and takes the oxygen out of government for a year. But we have to brace ourselves now for a year full of revelations … we have not seen yet the depth of the depravity, the mendacity, the craven greed and lust for power and total disrespect for law and for the people that these assholes have really shown and that will now be revealed as the coming months unfold.

We think we had BDS for five years? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. I don’t think we really have any idea just how rotten these people have really been.

It’s going to require a lot of holding of noses to work, or try to work, with these schmucks.

“…those who fail ‘end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.’”

You’re telling me that in that enormous congregation, there’s not ONE car salesman, or ONE lady employeed by Sears to peddle footwear? I’m guessing that, after reading that comment, there’s more than just a few pissed off Evangy members.

I expect President Bush to denounce these remarks himself:

“The senator’s Focus on the Family’s suggestion that the men and women of our military footwear and car retail markets are somehow uneducated is insulting and shameful. The men and women who serve in our all-volunteer armed sales forces are plenty smart and are serving because they are patriots respect America’s need for foot- and oil-based transportation — and Senator Kerry H. B. London owes them an apology.”

It’s going to require a lot of holding of noses to work, or try to work, with these schmucks.

I think allowing a lot of the scandals to come out of your basic lower-level investigations is a great tactic. Use the justice department, FBI, state AGs, and a smattering of committee hearings.

Without anything like the rancor of censure/impeachment hearings we’ve already gotten Libby, Abramoff, Ney, Delay & Cunningham. We’re on the verge of the same with Burns, Weldon & Harris. Who knows about Santorum and Hastert’s dirty dealings. Just “not blocking” the investigations themselves will be enough to lead to a steady stream of Republican scandals coming out into the open.

And while the continual drip, drip, drip of Republican convictions for corruption goes on, we can just keep our energies focused on moving forwards. Put out press releases tying new legislation to whatever corruption was just revealed and voters will get the connections.

It would be a mistake to think that we can avoid rancour now. Vile partisanship might even get the media to notice our congressional hearings. Trying to maintain comity will just let them chump us again, not only that but it will make voters wonder if there is any point to showing up to vote for the Democrats.

It’s not the “homosexual” thing I have a problem with, it’s the WASTE…my generation got a lot of very stern lectures about waste from Depression Era parents…I still take it very seriously…you should see all the paper clips I have rescued over the years.

I agree. Anyone with high quality unused drugs should send them to me c/o The Island of Misfit Drugs. I’ll make sure they’re properly cared for.

I rather agree with what Kos actually said–betting on elections might be fun, but it’s not authoritative. Some Republicans, conservatives, free-traders and GLibertarians would have you believe that markets are all-knowing arbiters of wisdom or whatever, when really they’re just concentrated conventional wisdom, the collective speculation of fools and their money, soon to be parted.

Dragging his kids up there on stage with him, where photographers could capture each individual tear drop and anguished expression? Not so good.

Yes, that’s a good point. It gave me a more specific reason to feel bad for Santorum’s kids. The little girl hugging her doll. . . They’re all better off, probably, with Santorum now off the political stage.

I laughed when I first saw those pictures, and then immediately felt ashamed. I feel really sorry for those kids. Imagine growing up in that household.

Feel sorry for them today. But tomorrow, when a shrill young woman hits you with a rock for walking to close to an abortion clinic, when some fridged bitch snubs your kid in the school talent show because he doesn’t come from proper breeding, when a chubby stuffed suit who only got a job because his daddy was a Senator chews you out over not working hard enough to get him a fast track on his promotion, you’ll be getting to know those kids first hand. And you won’t feel sorry for them anymore.

No, but there are pictures. Search the web for “angel babies”. There is a whole network of people that take dress up their miscarried or stillborn fetuses like a newborn and take the same set of photos one might expect had it been a live birth.

And there are books. People name the stillborn child and then tell their other kids they have a “angle sibling” or whatever.

I think some people just can’t handle the grief and need to hold onto it forever.

I don’t think it’s a foregone conclusion that all of them will turn out to be irredeemable assholes. I bet at least one or two will rebel and become normal human beings. And at least one of them is going to turn out to be gay; it’s a rule in those households.

WTF kind of “process” is this? One wonders how much they indulge in aversion therapy. (no wonder Dobson wanted out – I read on a blog somewhere that his own progress in the “program” requires him to steer clear of certain unspecified temptations). Clockwork Orange meets Corndoggers?

Okay, that’s funny, but are you aware that in many cities you can actually find yellow pages and/or giveaway advertising directories that advertise and list only “Christian” businesses? How you get designated as “Christian” is a mystery. My guess is that you have to contribute big bucks to somebody.

Remember that he brought home his wife’s miscarried fetus for the kids to bond with.

Stop! How. The hell. Does one bond with a dead anything? [Insert disgusting joke here.] Don’t worry about the little Man-dog-o’s turning into uptight snobs. Rick may well have created the next lot of Bind/Torture/Kill style serial murderers. Think Children of the Corn mating with The Manson Family. And run like a mad bastard.

jay

p.s. Re: sHaggard. Don’t repeat this but the best friend of my mechanic’s cousin told me that at least one of the chickens died.

Oh I am quite aware of it. I mean just look at the Christianist alternative to Hot Topic/The Gap/Skater apparel etc. It’s not surprising that they have their own yellow pages.

It all goes back to them needing to feel special and have their OWN stores. They scream about being alienated and alienate themselves. Of course it is doing us all a favor considering the past 6 years we have gotten to see first hand just how bat shit crazy they are.

Of course it is still amusing to be at the local mall and be in my typical alternative attire (a cenobyte skirt ala Hellraiser and a T-shirt that says You laugh now but will you be laughing when I crawl out from under your bed) and be approached by the Christ’s Cool Kids crew and be offered discounts and soul saving all in one store.

I always wanted Ezekiel brand clothes made by child labor in the Marianas…

n his Senate office, on a shelf next to an autographed baseball, Sen. Rick Santorum keeps a framed photo of his son Gabriel Michael, the fourth of his seven children. Named for two archangels, Gabriel Michael was born prematurely, at 20 weeks, on Oct. 11, 1996, and lived two hours outside the womb.

Upon their son’s death, Rick and Karen Santorum opted not to bring his body to a funeral home. Instead, they bundled him in a blanket and drove him to Karen’s parents’ home in Pittsburgh. There, they spent several hours kissing and cuddling Gabriel with his three siblings, ages 6, 4 and 1 1/2. They took photos, sang lullabies in his ear and held a private Mass.

…

He and Karen brought Gabriel’s body home so their children could “absorb and understand that they had a brother,” Santorum says. “We wanted them to see that he was real,” not an abstraction, he says. Not a “fetus,” either, as Rick and Karen were appalled to see him described — “a 20-week-old fetus” — on a hospital form. They changed the form to read “20-week-old baby.”

I’ve looked this up before, and here it is again. This time via Majikthise, which links to an April 2005 Washington Post story:

In his Senate office, on a shelf next to an autographed baseball, Sen. Rick Santorum keeps a framed photo of his son Gabriel Michael, the fourth of his seven children. Named for two archangels, Gabriel Michael was born prematurely, at 20 weeks, on Oct. 11, 1996, and lived two hours outside the womb.

Upon their son’s death, Rick and Karen Santorum opted not to bring his body to a funeral home. Instead, they bundled him in a blanket and drove him to Karen’s parents’ home in Pittsburgh. There, they spent several hours kissing and cuddling Gabriel with his three siblings, ages 6, 4 and 1 1/2. They took photos, sang lullabies in his ear and held a private Mass.

“That’s my little guy,” Santorum says, pointing to the photo of Gabriel, in which his tiny physique is framed by his father’s hand. The senator often speaks of his late son in the present tense. It is a rare instance in which he talks softly.

He and Karen brought Gabriel’s body home so their children could “absorb and understand that they had a brother,” Santorum says. “We wanted them to see that he was real,” not an abstraction, he says. Not a “fetus,” either, as Rick and Karen were appalled to see him described — “a 20-week-old fetus” — on a hospital form. They changed the form to read “20-week-old baby.”

The scary part is that people do take this kind of thing far too seriously. I would almost hypothesize the reason they are against any and all birth control is so they can keep trying to multiply unchecked kind of like cancer.

One of the stranger bits in there is when they changed ’20 week old fetus’ to ’20 week old baby’. Er, no–it was a 20 week old fetus, and a 2 hour old baby, because he “lived two hours outside the womb”. I’m glad Rick Santorum is gone, and I hope this will stop such evangelical faith-based nuttiness from more firmly taking root in this country–but if it does, you can bet someone will be out there claiming 100,000 frozen embryos as dependents on their taxes…

Okay, that’s funny, but are you aware that in many cities you can actually find yellow pages and/or giveaway advertising directories that advertise and list only “Christian” businesses? How you get designated as “Christian” is a mystery. My guess is that you have to contribute big bucks to somebody.

You just have to buy the space like any other Yellow Pages operation. There’s no vetting. There’s a whole chain of the called “The Shepherd’s Guide.” It’s no different than advertising in a school yearbook or football program – targeted affinity marketing.

Let me clarify: by “this”, I mean she named him and gave him a burial. She didn’t dress him up for pics and take him on a trip to the grocery store. THAT part is creepy.

Right, the two things are different. It’s one thing to give a name and a burial to a full-term, near-full-term or otherwise would-have-been viable but stillborn/miscarried fetus/baby.

I think it’s another thing to take glorified baby photos, bring the dead fetus/baby home to “bond with the children” or take it out with you as if the baby was alive. And I’m not a child psychologist, but I don’t think the whole continued “you have an angel brother/sister” (and picture over the fireplace to prove it) is really the healthiest thing. I felt the same when my very liberal friend became a total grief-mom after she miscarried a baby. She started writing poems and books about it, and spent all this time telling her child (whom she had later) about his “angel brother”.

Again, this is a sensitive subject, and Santorum has many, many actual faults. This whole issue is not particularly relevant to his political standing, although it’s not a surprise given how he claimed to feel about Terri Schiavo.

If Rick Santorum and his family wanted to give their 20-week-old baby a homecoming and funeral…hell, if they wanted to take it to Sears for the family portrait — that’s their business. That’s the whole point. Alternatively, if Rick Santorum’s next door lesbian neighbor and her wife decide to have an abortion, that’s *their* business.

If Rick would leave everyone else alone to do things *their* way, I’d have little argument with him following his own path.

Ditto Haggard: as long as he wanted to remain closeted and in a faux marriage, that’s his business. Stupid, sad and pointless, but his business. The minute he starts preaching about the evils of homosexuality and trying to tell homosexuals they should be cured, and especially when he supports government intrusion into the issue? It’s open season.

Beautiful in its simplicity, a head injury can be inflicted on a child with little or no effort by the parents. One toss is usually enough to give little Bruce or little Betty the jolt he or she needs to see the path to righteousness.

Let me clarify: by “this”, I mean she named him and gave him a burial. She didn’t dress him up for pics and take him on a trip to the grocery store. THAT part is creepy.

Sorry, I completely understand naming and burial at two months prem.. My issue is with the picture taking, driving it around, showing to children, etc. etc. And we’re talking a termination (technically an abortion, but don’t tell Rick) at 4, 4.5 months. Less than a foot long, less than a pound. Brutal.

The six year old probably had the capacity to understand what Mom & Dad brought home, but a toddler and an infant? Nope. I add it to the long list of evidence that Dogman needs to be watched. From a safe distance.

“Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process,” he said, adding that those who fail “end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives.”

Hahaha, that’s a good one. Personally, I’m partial to “Jesus Love You Long Time.”

The scary part is that people do take this kind of thing far too seriously. I would almost hypothesize the reason they are against any and all birth control is so they can keep trying to multiply unchecked kind of like cancer.

You don’t have to “almost hypothesize.” I’ve seen that argument made in earnest by right-wingers. The general concept is “Liberals don’t want to have babies, and if they do accidentally get pregnant, then they just murder the unborn child. Meanwhile, we are being fruitful and multiplying, so eventually, we’re just gonna outbreed ’em and take over!”

I have to admit this retelling of Rick Santorum’s Memento Mori episode brings back memories of this sort of thing from my semi-hillbilly past. Not that I ever got used to it. What exactly does one say when confronted by an otherwise upbeat would-be mother with an 8 x 10 glossy of her stillborn? Please pass the mashed potatoes?

I sort of feel sorry for Ricky’s brain-washed kids. But this fucker tried to insert creationism into No Child Left Behind. Its amazing that the wing-nuts still don’t get why he lost.

Santorum, on the other, deserves every heaping tablespoon of scorn and disdain that’s been heaped his way, if not more. Dan Savage’s turning of Santorum into a sex-by-product descriptor was just brilliant.

You know, a lot of people were outraged (and rightfully so) when Rush Limbaugh compared Chelsea Clinton to a dog. What Savage is doing is not much different. Kids ought to be off-limits, no matter how disgusting and frothily-mixed their parents are.

And yes, I’m a hypocrite who’s going to Hell for laughing at the “Sadness” one. Fuck off.

I like the photo (not photoshopped) where his son is unintentionally (?) giving everyone the finger. Home schooling not teaching you social conventions much? Although Rummy did the same thing today, and he doesn’t have glasses.

That’s so not funny! Do you have any more photos of her that won’t make me laugh?

I can link to the “angel baby” pictures. Those are not funny. Not at all. Zero funniness.