The 5 Types of Fans at Every Maryland Basketball Game

In case you haven’t heard, UMD’s men’s basketball team is pretty good. Hey, we’re 7-0! If you’ve ever been to a game, you’ve (probably) witnessed this first-hand. But no matter how many thousands of fans attend any given game, a few recurring characters are always there. Here are the five most common types of fan you’ll spot in the stands:

5.) The Loyalty Pointers:

If you don’t watch at least an entire half, can you even claim to have gone in the first place? You’ll never see these fans at a game for more than ten minutes. These are the people that get in and out of the Xfinity Center as fast as humanly possible. Usually, you’ll see them walk in, look around, maybe talk to a few friends, only to then make the world’s lamest excuse and leave. We see you, Loyalty Pointers, and we respect your actions, but next time maybe sell us the ticket?

4.) The “I’m Just Here for Melo Trimble” Fans:

These are the hopeful future basketball wives (or husbands, perhaps. We don’t discriminate at The Black Sheep.) Trimble is one of Maryland’s most popular and promising players, and he receives his fair share of social media attention. Maybe one or two of these fans actually are at the game because they like basketball and think Melo’s a great player, but most of them are just attracted to his hair, and his arms when he shoots, and his smile after he scores, and…wait, what were we talking about again?

3.) The Ex-Ballers:

If you hear someone giving a loud, unsolicited, and overly critical play-by-play commentary of the game, they’re probably an Ex-Baller. They often think that they have a better understanding of the rules than both the players and the referees, and want to make sure everyone knows it. In the student section, these are former high school basketball players who “chose to come to college for academics rather than sports,” when in reality they were just mediocre players without offers, and never would have even made it to a D17 basketball team.

2.) The Snapchatters:

“Oh my God I missed it! I didn’t get it on Snapchat!” So goes the battle cry of the Snapchatters. Before, during, and after the game, these fans are the ones with their phones permanently glued to their hands and faces. They’ll post a thousand snaps to their stories, but it’s never anything but pre-game selfies, a view of the court with a sea of red surrounding it, and some shaky footage of players running and almost scoring. Plus, their stories take forever to tap through, if you even bother watching them.

1.) The Can’t-Sit-Still-ers:

Often seated in the middle of a row, these are the types of fans who have to get up every five minutes. Where they go and what they do, no one knows. Sometimes they come back with food. Regardless, every time they get up, they force you to let them slide in front of you, as you awkwardly contort yourself in an effort to let them get by. You and your entire row are always secretly hoping that Testudo will come into the stands to beat this fan up.

These types of fans may be annoying as fuck, but honestly? As long as they’re cheering for Maryland, we don’t really care. Go Terps, we guess.