(w)underbar

So, what with all of my free 2-day shipping from Amazon, and my spring cleaning ponderings, I've been starting to think about buying new clothes and throwing out and/or donating a lot of my old stuff. (I'll donate what they'll take, shirts, pants, etc. but no one wants holes with socks in them* or 5 year old pairs of used underwear, I'm guessing.) I've still got clothes left over from... sometime around high school, or at least my college years (year). And the sad thing? I threw out a whole pile of stuff when I moved to Brooklyn.So there was a sale on Amazon for some underwear - 2(x)ist, specifically. I had seen the ads on billboards and pasted up around the city, and at first I thought it was some sort of gay porn or something. But my underwear supplies, while not technically running low, are running low of pairs that were actually purchased in this century. (I'm really bad about throwing away old stuff.) Not only that, but I've tended to buy el cheap del brando underbar - came from that period in time when our living expenses were higher than my income, and so we survived by using our credit cards (explaining a large chunk of the debt I'm still wrestling with). Raising a family - especially in this area - on $28k a year is tough. Fortunately, I earn more now. ;) Unfortunately, I never fully left behind the cheapskate habits I picked up during that period.

So anyways, as we've established, I've got underwear that's both cheap and old, which is a super-duper awesome combination in underwear. Anyways, as there was this sale on Amazon, and I've been loving that free 2-day shipping thing, I figured hell with it. I bought one three-pack of the briefs, the simplest and cheapest thing I could find. Well, damn. They're the most comfortable underwear I've ever owned. *sniff* It makes me... so... happy... *sniff*

But no, seriously, this stuff is actually pleasant to wear. Oddly the el cheapo del brando de underwearo was always uncomfortable and tight in the wrong places and loose in the wrong ones, not to mention made of less comfortable fabrics (or weaves or whatever - I'm a guy when it comes to stuff like this... it took me 28 years to figure out there was a difference between underwear brands, damnit). I had no idea underwear could actually be nice. I always just assumed you were paying for the name and not really anything else. Ok, well, now I get it.

And then, I went crazy, and having established that I liked it, I ordered more. And I noticed these other briefs, which were even more expensive ($10 a pair vs. $6 a pair), called contour pouch briefs. They looked the same in the picture, but for kicks, I bought one of those too. And damnit - these are even better! Rather than a flat front, apparently it occurred to someone that guys have things down there, and so they actually have a curved front to accommodate our bits'n'pieces (block and tackle? bat and balls? frank and beans? cain and abels? eggs and bangers? lunchbox? junk? package? bulge? viande et deux legumes? captain winkey and his first two mates? Take your pick...). It's mind-boggling.

Of course, I feel like I've got to hide the wrapping they come in, because they really are as close to gay porn as you can get without, you know, being gay porn. I guess they're trying to sell the "you'll look good enough to be in a gay porn video" concept, but oddly, that doesn't appeal to me.