June 02, 2014

Watermelon is not a cake

Everyone is like "oh look what a beautiful cake isn't it awesome and wonderful! because look when you cut it open, there is a surprise! It is really WATERMELON!"

via sprinklebakes.com

This is not wonderful. This is terrible.

Now I love watermelon. I think it's a delicious, wonderful summery treat, especially when it's cold and eaten in big, messy slices.

I also love cake.

Watermelon and cake are most definitely not the same thing.

As any good debater knows, you have to define your terms. The Oxford English Dictionary defines cake as "An item of soft, sweet food made from a mixture of flour, shortening, eggs, sugar, and other ingredients, baked and often decorated:" Sometimes you use different types of flour. Sometimes you use more sugar or less sugar. Sometimes you use chocolate, sometimes you use red food coloring. All of these things are cake.

Watermelon is a fruit. Made mostly of water. Not a cake. In fact, of the ingredients listed necessary to make a cake, watermelon includes exactly zero of them. ZERO! Watermelon is not soft. Watermelon is not baked. Watermelon is one of the most un-cake-like things you can eat.

Secure in this knowledge, I hoped that this crazy idea of a watermelon "cake" would go away.