Ah-Hah!Hah!Hah! Wonderful! I wonder if they are related to the McBrides of Dingle, Ireland? Or is that Dangle, Ireland? If only one of them had had a greasy, shoulder-length mullet and a droopy mustache and a baseball cap on backwards with the legend "" printed on it in red block letters, I'd have said Shane McBride was in that video.

That is definitely something Shane would do. Don probably wouldn't, cos he is not totally brainless, eh?

Wonderful lyric writing, people!

Amos, can I use those "imaginary" lyrics you just wrote in a song of my own? I have an idea that I think could work well for it. You want co-writing credit for it? No problem. That's a serious request.

You will be pleased to know that we have found succulent DNA, the very best we have ever found. It is as if it were soaked in a fine sauce. We assume that you want to keep this for yourselves as it is found in a pen. If your planet were sectioned horizontally from your pivot points and horizontally from the widest point this pen would be found at 80° 58' 0" "left" of a line drawn through an obscure island we picked by random to be the zero line for verticality and 46° 30' 0" "up" from the midline.

We will be taking this delicious DNA very soon, although we wonder why to put it in a pen with other DNA which is to say the very least quite foul. If you were attempting to sweeten the foul DNA that is not the way to do so.

Todays only Tuesday, right? MOM, I may need you to come give me a hand at work the rest of the week. There's just too much to do in the time available. If you'll just glower at anyone who approaches me with any other little jobs they need help with, that would be a great help!

If anyone wants to see a "Shane" escape attempt from the police vid, send me yer eaddy. It's priceless. Shane might even be one of them (3 guys chained together at the wrists) as it was in Durham, ONT.

You don't understand how the Sudbury cops feel about Shane. Specially after this last episode! It would take a full brigade of US Marines and Special Forces armed with tanks and Blackhawk helicopters to get him out this time. Trust me.

Get a mule and a rope...good idea. Spring Shame from durance vile. Let's see: make a double bight in the rope with extra length in the running end. Wrap the running end around the doubled rope, working towards the standing end. When you reach the top bight, put the running end through the bight and pull the downwards on the standing end side of the loop to tighten it around the running end.

Set Shame on the back of the mule and fasten the standing end to a sturdy tree branch about 15 feet up and the loop in the running end around Sham's neck. Tighten the loop under Shame's left ear and give the hind end of the mule a good slap with your hat.

Good choice, Amos but a bowline would suffice on nerf bars and it would make for fast retrieval of the rope which would be of utmost importance on accounta I don't anyone would spend money ta break out Shane.

Speakin a yer jailbreaks, Rap... hope you send the Durham, Ontario break vid to everybody here ceptin A. I am about to do that. Forgot earlier.

Rap, if you're going to do some trans-gender alteration on Shane, then why not skip the crematorium and use the tied-to-a-log-in-a-sawmill approach and send him in feet-first? It'll take care of that gender surgery and the rest in one fell swoop.

I was looking for a photo and found this instead:

A gentleman diner asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman sitting alone at another table. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man.

The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman. It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari 360 Spyder, an Aston Martin DB9, a Mercedes SL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garages. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account, but, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut two inches off. Just send the bottle back...

Next Saturday we make the long drive up to San Luis Obispo to pay our fond respects to dearly departed Nancy Ross, Mudcat's Mudlark, who was as bright an angel as ever graced these pages. There are some things that even BS cannot mend. This is a sobering thought.

It seems that Shane McBride was apprehended this morning while driving a pickup truck to Sudbury. The truck was heavily loaded with recently stolen goods, mostly home electronics, and had a wall-sized flat TV screen tied down over top of a large number of other electronic devices and smaller domestic items.

The truck was registered to Don McBride of Blind River. Don is Shane's older brother. Police are questioning Don McBride, but have not issued a warrant for his arrest. According to the older McBride, his brother Shane had "borried" the pickup truck without his permission after being told "Don't flippin' TOUCH that truck!" Don says, however, that he is not inclined to ask for charges to be brought against Shane for vehicle theft because "The boy is too flippin' stupid to know what he is really doin' or why, eh?".

Shane has been charged with theft of an estimated $188,000 worth of property, 17 counts of breaking and entering in the Sudbury-Blind River area, driving under suspension, drunk driving, reckless driving, failing to yield right of way, failing to wear a seatbelt, resisting arrest, creating a public nuisance, biting a police officer, and uttering obscenities. He is being held without bail, pending trial.

Shane spoke briefly to the press and said: "This is all a flippin' mistake, eh? I found that stuff on the side of the road. I DID! It was just layin' there, musta got throwed out by people, eh? I was just takin' it to Sudsy to, like, donate to the Salivation (sic) Army so's they could give it, like, to poor people who are flippin' in NEED! I am a pubic (sic) flippin' BENEFACTOR! So why am I bein' arrested? I am callin' for justice here! I want alla my friends and the women of this area to make a flippin' march to the Sudbury jail and flippin' DEMAND justice for Shane McBride! You hearn it here. That is alls I got to say."

Well, I flipped a coin for you, Shame. It's the crematory. You'll enjoy watching your body slowly burn. Maybe I can do something so that your nasty parts get burned off first -- a welding torch would work.... It's not like you know how to use them or even need them. Oh, I just had another idea!

How about if I finance a transgender operation for you? Only a partial one, one that leaves you neither male nor female? Yeah, I like that idea....

Good!...Get back to us, AFTER you pick up those chicks!...and give us a full report....Last chick he tried to pick up, his mother has to pour him into bed! And for Pete's sakes, if you're going to post, try, at least to make them more entertaining.

Yeah, right! I gotta lissen to idol threttes from a flippin' Idaho Potato and a stinkin' monkey! Youse guys are a flippin' joke, eh? YOuse are a dubble joke. I am gonna cash in big in Sudsy tamoorow and get majerly drunk and stoned and pick up hot chicks! I am gonna party like it is the end of the flippin' world! And there is NOTHIN' you idiots can do to stop me becaoz I RULE!

Now yer talkin', Rap. I say do the crematory method, only feed him in headfirst. That way the unpleasant noises will stop a lot sooner, know what I'm sayin'? Or get a really wide door crematory and feed him in sideways! Ook! Ook! ;-D

If, on the other hand, you wanta do it the old-fashioned shootin' way, I suggest a tommy gun with a full clip, reason bein' again: the very unpleasant noises of him beggin' and pleadin' and screamin' for mercy will stop a whole lot sooner. Like in about a coupla seconds.

Or...you could tie him to the front of a 155mm howitzer. You got one at home, right? I sure hope so.

- Chongo

p.s. I thank Kong this Canuck moron Shane has never come down to Chicago, cos I woulda considered it my civic duty to "off" him if he did, and without delay. He is an offense to both Nature and society. He makes humans look bad! If he was an ape, his own mother woulda skragged him at birth.

Shame, I thought you had apologized some posts back for your transgressions. You had said that you were even in Community College, working on a high school diploma.

You lied.

I don't like liars. Liars endanger others -- I don't give a hoot in hell about themselves. But you lied.

The only question is how I put a stop to your lying.

Shall I use Jack Slade's way with Jules Beni by tying you to a corral post and shooting you to pieces over a day or so? Or the old NKVD/OGPU standby, where I'd chain you to a roller conveyor and oh-so-slowly feed you into a crematory fire feet first? There's a lot to be said for either method.

I'll tell you what: you pick one of those two methods and I'll use that.

Workin'? Well...I been lookin' inta movin' some stuff I sorta...found, eh? Some stereos and a coupla compyuters and stuff. A flippin' flat screen TV that is about 8 feet wide too. Ginormous flipper. Don says I gotta get 'em all outta the house by tomorrow latest. I am thinkin' to borry his truck for a trip to Sudsy where there is a buyer for this stuff, but we are still negoshiatin' on that. He is pissed cos I drank most of the last 2-4 he bought, eh? That was on Thersday. I think it is, like, Saterday now?

I'll tell ya what Rap is. He is a small dry beer fart echoin' inside a flippin' empty hockey stadium! And I am talkin' a BIG FLIPPIN' hockey stadium. Totally flippin' empty. Just the breef sound of "F-F-L-B-B-L-F-F-T!" to break the flippin' silence...then it flippin' dies away like a ran over chipmunk on the road. And there ain't nothin' left but a hint of a bad smell, eh? And some green mist risin'.

And THAT is flippin' Rapparee! The idiot from Idaho. The Bolthole from Boise. The Putz from Poclatello. If he had been borne in On-flippin'-tario Canada he would of been used for fertiliser or somethin' else yoosefull like that, so as to save the eddicashionall sistem a hole lotta waisted time! Ha! Ha!

Unfortunately, even Rapparee's most powerful beam of volition doesn't have enpugh horsepower to get beyond the local gravitic field of the black-hole of the dense ego in its center. So the worst that could happen if he rared back and let fly such a curse is some slight stench of bad-smelling fumes in the vicinity of the golf course, which would probably be written off as coming from the local participants.