Why Should Parents Talk to Their Children in Their Native Language?

As a speech-language pathologist and as a multilingual mother of bilingual children, I am finding myself shocked and confused at the number of parents I run into who have chosen not to speak their native language to their children for various reasons or who have been persuaded to believe that speaking their native language to their children will hurt them socially or academically if the primary language of the community is different.

There are so many great articles and literature (based on good research) available on the topic of bilingualism and its benefits, even for children who may be experiencing language delays, that it seems redundant to write on the issue, but I feel compelled to do so because the passing down of a parent’s native language appears to be diminishing more and more.

So why should parents talk to their children in their native language?

The first and simplest reason is because that is the language in which they are likely to be most dominant or proficient, which in turn is the language in which they are able to provide quality language input as well as support effectively and consistently.

Even if a parent is able to pick up the language of the community, that parent’s vocabulary, grammar skills, and ease of communication will probably remain stronger in the native language. I’ve often heard of recommendations from professionals and educators for parents to stop speaking the native language so that confusion is not created, so that language delays won’t occur, so that children can do well in school, but the research literature says the exact opposite!

The other occurrence that appears to be more prevalent is for the native language to be spoken from birth to preschool with a sudden shift to the community language once the child enters early intervention programs or school.

The problem with this is that the very foundation of language (which was formed through the native language) is being pulled out from under the child in order to promote a new language. The research shows that children with strong first language skills are more ready and able to learn a second language. In other words, it’s difficult to build a second language if the first language foundation is not established and supported WHILE the second language is being learned.

To put a halt on the native language will only hurt the child’s language growth, and long-term negative effects will be inevitable.

I’ve said this before, but I reiterate that children must be able to function/communicate effectively in their homes before they can function/communicate out in the community, so the native language cannot be stripped away, even for children with language delays.

So if you are a bilingual parent reading this, or a professional or educator guiding bilingual parents, here are some tips for bilingual parents of school-age children:

You can still help with homework, projects, or assignments that are in the community language. You can read the assignment’s text or the given passages in the community language. Just be sure that all of the verbal interaction around that homework or reading activity remains in the native language.

In other words, give the instructions in the native language. Give explanations or clarify questions in the native language. Discuss passages and their meaning in the native language. Code switching, or the alternating between two languages, is a normal part of communication in bilingual individuals, and it does not promote or show signs of confusion. It’s perfectly acceptable and appropriate for bilinguals.

And in everyday conversation and family routines, during family outings and celebrations, speak your native language!!! Children need to hear quantity and quality language input in order to have strong language skills, and parents are the primary individuals who can provide the language input needed in the native language.

Professionals, educators, and parents should be working together so that the native language is flourishing at home!

Ana Paula G. Mumy is a mother of two bilingual children and a trilingual speech-language pathologist, the author of various multilingual leveled storybooks and instructional therapy materials for speech/language intervention, as well as the co-author of her latest eSongbook which features children’s songs for speech, language and hearing goals. She has provided school-based and pediatric home health care services for nearly 12 years and thoroughly enjoys providing resources for SLPs, educators and parents on her website The Speech Stop.

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Hola! What is your recommendation for bilingual homeschoolers? I’m confused as to how to balance the exposure to both languages. To date, spanish is our language of communication. My kids are 4 and 5 and do not speak much English yet because my initial plan was that they would learn english from school. Now that i’ve decided to homeschool, I am very scared that their spanish will be lost once I start to speak more english to them during teaching time.

Blanca,
Even when you start homeschooling keep on speaking Spanish with your kids. They will learn English from the environment they are living in (I assume you live in USA, right?). Some of the books or curricula you will be using may also be in English, so you can read with your kids in English, but explain to them everything in Spanish. That’s how I do while homeschooling my kids – we live in a Chinese language environment and I teach them in Polish using English books. Kids are 10 and 15 and know all three languages very well.

If you’d like to find some resources for teaching languages to children, check out the National Network for Early Language Learning: http://www.nnell.org. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or become a member.

We live in the US and our 2.5 yrs old daughter goes to the local day care full time while both myself and my husband work full time. We speak our 1st language (Japanese) at home but she speaks and responds in English almost always. Seems she understands us well in Japanese and sometimes speaks some words in Japanese mixing with English words and grammar. We’re thinking of switching her daycare to an immersion school where they speak and teach in Japanese full time, and wonder if this is the best thing for her bilingual skill development. Will you please advise us on this?

Hi; i am the father of trilingual children. I spoke spanish to my 3 girls; their mother hebrew; (we live in usrael) and i spoke to the mother in english.
I had the same issue with my first daughter; she will spent more time with her mother than me, since i work all day.
My oldest daughter had the same issue, she would answer me in hebrew, i would tell her to repeat me the sentence she wanted to say in spanish, i sat with her in the evening to read her spanish and we would watch movies for children un spanish, in other words i invested in her; many parents i have seen here in israel give up; it tooks few years till finally she would talk to me in spanish.
So the more you chipd hear your language the more they would speak yours; this was my personal experience. Just dont give up. If you can afford a japanse day care the better; dont worry about english she will pick it up soon… dont speak or asnwwr your child ever in english you havento be consistance…
So dont give up; bte if you have more children; it become easier for them; this is what happaned to my other 3 girls:-)
We never taught them english they learned on their own by listening to us and uaving friends who spoke the language; so today they speak the 3 of them.
Writing and reading i am also teaching them but since they are not in a spanish speaking country they dont read and write to their level (agee 12; 9; & 6) but beter than nothing… i wont give up.
I hope this ia helpful

How about more languages? We don’t have kids yet, but my partner and i communicate in english which is neither of our native languages. We also consider living in a different country. So we’re talking 3 or 4 languages in the kid’s environment: dad’s native language, mom’s native language, the language i ear them talking and possibly a different community language…
Have you encountered such situations? Any advice/guideline?

Tony, That’s exactly our situation – I speak Polish with kids, my husband speaks Mandarin Chinese to them, between us we communicate in English and around us people speak Taiwanese (grandparents) and Japanese (at least one month a year we spend in Japan). Kids are fluent in Polish, English and Chinese (the younger one is still learning to read and write in Chinese). They understand Taiwanese and some Japanese. They don’t mix languages and use code switching naturally.
We’ve always spoke our languages with kids and made it clear that we expect them to speak different lang. to each one of us. Of course right now kids are older, so we may switch to either English or Chinese when all 4 of us want to participate in a conversation (all 4 of us speak these two languages).
Having multilingual kids is fun!

Tony, this is our case as well. We live in Slovakia, in a town with Hungarian majority. I speak English to my daughter (not my native tongue but I am an English language teacher), my husband is Israeli so he speaks Hebrew, my parents speak to her Hungarian(this is also the street language), and in September she is going to a Slovak kindergarten. My little one is 2 and a half and doing pretty well, doesn’t bother her speaking so many languages.

Blanca – I have a 4-year-old daughter that I’ll begin homeschooling as well this fall because I want to give her a bilingual education. I am still reading up on how to practically do this, but one book I’d recommend is “Learning to Read and Write in the Multilingual Family” by Dr. Xiao-lei Wang. She raised her children in a trilingual environment and was very successful. I have chosen to focus on Portuguese and English only (not adding my third language – Spanish), because Portuguese is my native language, the language my parents and extended family members speak, and the one I feel I can support most effectively and consistently. I am also attempting to contact schools in the U.S. that offer Portuguese/English curricula. There are school districts in Massachusetts, for example, with large Brazilian populations that offer bilingual programs, so they may be a resource for me. I would recommend you look into connecting with a school district or virtual school that offers a bilingual Spanish/English curriculum. You could still homeschool but maybe utilize their resources. Many charter schools also offer assistance to homeschooling families. Hope this helps!

MW – the key to raising bilingual children is quality (intentional, constant) and quantity (consistent) language input, especially in the minority language. If you and your husband are working full-time, assuming a 12-hour day if your daughter rises early and goes to bed early (based on her age), she is probably getting approx. 65-70% language input in English and 30-35% language input in Japanese the majority of her week. If your desire is for her to become proficient in Japanese while living in the US, my personal opinion is that an immersion environment may be beneficial for her since her daily Japanese input is currently limited. The important thing is for you to determine what your goals (desires) are…how important is it to you that she become a bilingual/bicultural individual in a predominantly monolingual society? what steps can you take to actively and purposefully foster her bilingualism?

Thanks for the response! We definitely want her to be proficient in Japanese – not just speaking but reading/writing as well ideally to the level where she can be competent in the college graduate level eventually (well unless she says she doesn’t like it – don’t want to force her). We were thinking she’d naturally pick up Japanese if we speak 100% in Japanese at home but she speaks English to us because as you say the % of exposure she has to English is much higher than that in Japanese. We plan to send her to the immersion preschool then if she wants she could go to the Saturday Japanese school, while visiting grandma/grandpa every summer if the situation allows and attend the local school for summer/spring breaks. Having her play with the kids who are under the same situation (learning Japanese as a second language while living in the US) sounds like a good idea tome. While we are worried she might not pick up English as fast as other kids do I see greater benefit in a long term to expose her to above. Do you have any other good suggestions other than above that parents like us should do/learn/work on in order to raise a bilingual kid? We live in Seattle and believe we’re lucky to have some immersion schools, and would like to take advantage of the opportunity as much as possible.

MW – If you’ve not read my other articles, visit http://www.thespeechstop.com/sub.php?page=bilingualism and read the following: “Tips for Parents Raising Bilingual Children: When the Home Language Differs From the Community Language” and “Will All My Efforts as a Bilingual Parent Be in Vain?…Don’t Lose Heart!”

I would also recommend reading “Raising a Bilingual Child” by Dr. Barbara Zurer Pearson. One thing she addresses that has stuck with me is maintaining 2 things constant: MOTIVATION (to me that means desire and need for the language) and OPPORTUNITY (to me that means quality and quantity language exposure). So whatever choices you make in relation to daily life, schooling, recreation, and so on, be mindful to foster those two things. For me, fostering motivation and opportunity has meant: 1) speaking to my children almost exclusively in Portuguese at home and out in the community (even when they address me or respond in English); 2) keeping in contact with my Portuguese-speaking family members who live far away via Skype – my daughter especially loves these interaction times which are in Portuguese; 3) making books and children’s shows/movies in Portuguese (I do limit video time) readily available/accessible in our home; 4) play groups and outings with other Brazilian families in my area; 5) hosting a toddler story time and Portuguese “class” in my home (which I teach); 6) giving my kids a taste of Brazilian culture as much as I’m able as far as food, music, recognizing the flag/colors, etc., and 7) teaching them to read and write in Portuguese (a process I am about to begin).

Anna- the result of me, English non-native speaker, speaking English to my kids is, that they understand, but reply in my mother language, that is the same of the country we live in. I understand your recommendation would be to switch completely to my mother tongue, and provide them with English during a special activity or ocassion related time- video watching, play group, English phonics class, native speaking visitors…how about reading books? And, should I insist during this time that they reply in English?

Klaudia – It’s difficult for me to answer not knowing the specifics…how old are your children and how long have you been speaking to them in English? And is English being spoken because there are other English-speaking family members? Do they have a NEED for English at this time in their lives?

Thanks for all the great tips. We ended up switching to the immersion preschool and our daughter completely ‘converted’ to Japanese speaking. She spends the whole day 100% in Japanese and we are very happy. However one another thing – we sent her to a ballet class the other day and she was upset and cried as she was unable to follow the instructions in English. I encouraged her to stay in the class (30 minutes) and gave her lots of positive enforcement just by staying there but she seems to have now lost confidence and started saying she hates English. The advice we received from the preschool teachers are to increase exposure like play dates and songs in English and create some ‘English’ time at home. We tried both but knowing that we already speak the home language she won’t respond at all, and she completely remains quiet in the play dates. Do you have any advice to balance out her social skills in English while she’s educated to be bilingual? I am pretty sure she’ll pick up English once she hits the school age, but I am concerned that she piles up the assumption that she can’t handle English and doesn’t like anything associated with English and loses confidence – she’s going to be miserable in the pre-K. Any tips ro prepare her for preK?

Tony – as a speech-language pathologist, the general rule of thumb is that parents should speak to their children in the language they know/speak best, since you want strong and solid language models at home for appropriate language development. That is not to say other languages cannot be introduced at some level, but there must be consistency in the language input for positive multilingual results.

I am a Brazilian teacher and mother of two boys who grew up totally biliterate. One of the them is now also fluent in Spanish. It wa not easy, because we lived in the Middle East by the time they were being alphabetized, and this was before Internet. I used to pack up and bring books with me when we went to Brazil, to be able to read to them and taught them myself how to read and write in Portuguese. Code switching was a dayly fenomena in my house and very fun to observe. Never regretted, even with all the hardship. It’s a pitty that most Brazilians I know, do not do that.

Suzana – Could you briefly tell us how you taught your children to become biliterate? Did you teach the letter/sound system in one language first, then the other? Did you teach the letter symbol and the corresponding sounds in each language simultaneously? Did you keep the language of instruction constant or did you alternate? I believe your practical experience would be very helpful to readers if you’d be willing to share. 🙂 Muito obrigada!

As a parent, if you’d like to provide me feedback on the pressing questions you need answered most, or the issues of most concern, or areas of struggle, I am currently writing a booklet entitled “Practical Bilingualism: A Simple and Useful Guide for Parents Fostering Bilingualism”

I completely agree with your statement about children needing quantity and quality language input. I know a lot of my ease of being able to communicate and use correct grammar was because my mother would correct me every time I said something that was incorrect. She made sure I would repeat it after her. When I was young I didn’t see the importance of that, but as I got older and went through school, I realized what a huge impact it had on me.

I have 3 kids, my oldest son is 5 and my twin boys are 3. All 3 are bilingual. They attend a French Daycare and my oldest attends a French School. I myself am bilingual and understand the advantage it gives you in life. I wanted to same for my children and I don’t regret that decision one bit. All 3 of my boys understand both English and French and can carry a conversation in both languages. I myself speak to them in both English and French as does my father. The rest of my family speaks to them in English.

I am an American living in Rio de Janeiro and I got a lot of crap from family and friends for only speaking to my oldest in English. They kept saying it was too much and that he needed to learn Portuguese first. I just ignored them.

Now he speaks both fluently, given he does have to start seeing a speech pathologist because of some mispronunciations… They are very slight though.

He was a late talker but he caught on just fine. My second was the same.

It amazes me when a parent doesn’t speak their native language with their kid. I couldn’t naturally communicate in any other with them! Mommy likes her maternal language when talking to the kiddos 😉

As an English bilingual mother and now grandmother living in France I am now speaking my native tongue to my French grandaughter…and the miracle is happening all over again. My three year old is understanding and trying to use English. Even asking me for words !! It is for me part of her heritage as much as a gift to given for her future.

I think you are correct to some extent, but if your native language is one that in general is not one spoken my the majority of the country you live in, it could be disadvantageous, particularly for later employment prospects, for example speaking Welsh in Patagonia, Argentina or Navaho in the US or even to a lesser extent speaking local dialects.

Alan, I absolutely agree that one must know/speak the majority language of the community well in order further their education, secure good employment, etc. My push for the native language is not to encourage it in lieu of or as a substitute for the majority language. The research shows that a solid foundation in one’s native language actually promotes and enhances second language learning, so cultivating the native language (with quality and quantity input from parents/caregivers) is beneficial at multiple levels, including achieving proficiency in the majority language.

If some of you are still doubting the message here above, believe me, it works. I am from Iceland, but being always on the move meant that my children were not schooled in that language. Every night I would read to them in our micro language, sing to them songs in Icelandic, make them watch, listen, hear (in the car, in particular) Icelandic children programmes. Both of my children (now grown up) speak perfect Icelandic (written not so good) and are so grateful to their mother for given them this opportunity/chance to belong. Keep that in mind….

Hi
Actually, I know 4 languages, Asi Visayan, English, Tagalog and Japanese. My native language is Asi Visayan, the language in a small island in the Philippines, I learned English in the school and from other means, I learned Tagalog from watching TV dramas or programs or when I go to Manila. I learned Japanese because I am living in Japan now.

When my daughter was a baby, I talked to her in English, when she was a toddler I taught her some English words, now that she’s four years old, she can speak English although not perfect. I can’t give priority on teaching her my native language because i think it has no importance in global competitiveness for her future.
So, I decided to teach her English rather than my native language. She can learn my native language naturally when we visit our family and relatives in my hometown. Tagalog can be learned later as we are going to live in Manila for good in the future.

Jen – I understand your decision to speak in English, and that may be appropriate if you are fully proficient and comfortable in English since children need good models of language input. If you’re wanting your child to eventually speak Asi Visayan and Tagalog, the key will just be whether or not there will be consistent and quality language exposure/input in each of those languages later in her life. If your future plans mean she will be fully immersed in the languages/cultures, her propensity to learn those languages will be high, because that will create opportunity and motivation as I have discussed in a previous response.

I agree with pretty much everything you wrote in this article. Since I was raised in Canada, English is the language I speak most of the time. However, my parents still talk in my mother tongue. As a result, I am fluent in my mother tongue. This is only beneficial. I can still talk to my grandparents since they can’t speak English.

I believe parents need to have the primary language be in a language they are more comfortable with. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t have conversations, say specific words, and concentrate on other things in a secondary language. I speak to my son in a non-native language but I am very comfortable in it and have no limitations as far as what I’d like to say, or need to say, at least to this point. Our household is 100% in that language, so it makes it a lot easier.

Jeff, you are absolutely right that code switching (alternating between two languages) is a normal and often useful communicative practice among bilinguals. Certain words or expressions are better said in one language versus another, and for bilinguals/multilinguals, we are able to effectively choose which language to better express certain thoughts and emotions.

I don’t necessarily discourage parents from speaking a non-native language if they are fully proficient and comfortable in that language. In my experience, however, that is usually not the case, or a more “rare” occurrence. Where I get greatly concerned is when I see parents discarding their native language for various reasons and then providing limited (often incorrect) models of language to their children in a community language they don’t speak well or don’t feel confident in…yet they continue to try. Consequently, I’ve sadly seen parents only being able to communicate with their children in very surface conversations because the native language wasn’t spoken/taught and because the parents never reached proficient or complex language use in the non-native language. I’ve also seen grandparents and extended family members completely alienated from children because of forced language barriers that could have (should have) been avoided.

Dear Ana,
Your comment defines exactly my feeling.. I’m a mother of a 5 and a half son and a daughter of 2 and a half. My native langague is Spanish, we leave in Germany and with my husband we speak mix English / German. We saw our son was a delaying to talk, and being afraid, we change to talk just German at home. Now I feel I can’t really express as I would like in Spanish, but I am afraid to change to Spanish because he doesn’t understands me (that’s what he says). He’s just talking German and when I ask him to repeat after me in Spanish, to talk to my parents he more or less does it. I would love just to speak in Spanish, but my husband says I can’t just suddenly start talking all day in Spanish, cause he/they will be just confuse. Do you think I should just go ahead and change to Spanish or is it too late? Sorry I am so confuse now, your advice would be so great.

I’m multilingual, live in an English speaking country ( moved here by marriage) , have an English speaking husband, no family here that speak my other languages. How do I teach my children my language because I think I saw that hearing the language spoken was also. Factor to the children learning it?

Shona – I also live in an English-speaking country and have an English-speaking husband, but all of my interactions with my children have been in my native language, Portuguese, from birth. All of my family members either live far away in the U.S. or in Brazil so how I have them interact with my Portuguese-speaking family members is via family trips when possible or via Skype.

Nice article. I’m a native Spanish speaker and I speak English proficiently, so my girlfriend and I are planning to, once we have kids, talk to them in both English and Spanish. I would be the one speaking exclusively in English and she would do it in Spanish.

Do you think that way they will learn both languages the right way? We live in a Spanish language enviroment but the kids would also be exposed to English from TV shows and such, which we primarily watch in English.

Guillermo – if you are a proficient English speaker able to provide good and complex models of vocabulary and grammar, speaking in English with your child may be appropriate even though it’s not your native language. If English, however, is not the language in which you can see yourself expressing your heart to your child (expressing love, affection, silliness, joy, sorrow, correction, discipline, etc.), then you may reconsider your decision.

Since you live in a Spanish-speaking environment, there will be greater opportunities for Spanish exposure and use, so if you work outside the home and will be the only source of English input for your child, you’ll need to provide LOTS of quality language input in English when you are together, through your everyday routines and activities, including play time.

I am currently authoring a parents’ guide for fostering bilingualism entitled “Practical Bilingualism”…it will be available soon. 🙂

Thank you Ana 😉 Yes, I can express myself in English the same way I do in Spanish (more or less, of course), so that wouldn’t be a problem. Our “plan” is to expose them to a huge amount of stuff in English: bedtime stories, books, cartoons, etc. So, even if I’m the only person talking to them in this language, I won’t be the only source.

I’m afraid that sooner or later they would get tired of speaking English only with me, specially when they realize I’m the only one they have to talk to that way (apart from English class). I hope the exposure to media in this language would make it more attractive.

My advice to you Guillermo is to just speak 100% Spanish. You probably will basically make them feel more American in the end if you do speak English. They will obviously have friends that are American English only speaking people. So why not just speak mainly in Spanish? It don’t matter much about being raised bilingually by speaking to them if they live in the US unless you plan on not living there for most of their life that they are growing up.

I start this announcement by thanking Corey Heller for this WONDERFUL site that is truly a “light” for multilingual families, guiding and strengthening families in their multilingual (often complicated) lives!

As a result of my personal experiences and as a response to the dozens of questions I have received via this site and email, I am very excited to release “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children”! This guide is written to be an easy read that is extremely practical, covering multiple topics and pressing issues. Available now at http://www.thespeechstop.com/sub.php?page=bilingualism.

I’m a native English speaker living in the US but my husband speaks Farsi with our 5-year-old and she goes to a Farsi immersion preschool. As a result, my Farsi got good enough that I decided to speak to our son in it when he was born 2-1/2 years ago. Lo and behold, he’s practically monolingual despite a ton of English in his life (nanny/babysitter, TV, books, his sister and me, parks, etc.). I am sure that will change in a year or so, though. English quickly dominates here, even in their immersion preschool! Yes, I felt a little bad about not speaking my native language to him, but it’s been good for all of us to have an extra voice speaking the second language at home, and when necessary, I switch to English if I have to. My son doesn’t need complex stuff explained yet so I haven’t had to challenge myself much, but it will get harder, for sure. And it’s funny – most of my terms of endearment and my discipline are in English. It’s been an interesting experience!

Hello,
I have a question. I have now a 5 months old baby. I am costarican (spanish) but I live in Thailand, so I use English at work and with friends. My wife is Thai she doesnt speak English very well and she has no clue about Spanish also.
At the beginning I was speaking to my baby in English because I thought it will be more useful, in Thailand nobody speaks Spanish, but then a friend told me I should speak to him in Spanish. Right now I’m really confuse which language should I speak to my son because my wife’s family is using Thai all the time. Should I speak to him 80% Spanish and 20% English, or just Spanish now?
Looking forward for your answer
Thank you.
Rod.

Rodrigo – I normally recommend that parents should speak the language they know and speak BEST and the language that comes more naturally to them for day-to-day interactions with their child, especially if that language will allow the child to form relationships with grandparents and other family members who may not speak the community language. For more detailed information and tips on home language use, fostering cultural awareness and identity, encouraging your child to speak a minority language, suggestions for everyday activities, and much more, please check out my digital guide for parents entitled “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” – available at http://www.thespeechstop.com/sub.php?page=bilingualism.

Thank you for the interesting and informative article! Although I agree almost entirely, some situations particular to a given family, even if rare, might suggest a parent continue practicing a non-native language with their children.

I am a non-native German speaker living in the US (my spouse understands German but speaks none). My children have limited native input, but I want them to be bilingual. Now that my two year old has unprompted German conversations with me, I can’t help but be the proudest Papa, even if he makes the same mistakes as me!

Brian – Thanks for the feedback! I completely agree that there are exceptions to the rule, and in my general recommendations, I could never account for every situation since languages, cultures, family dynamics, living conditions, etc. vary so much.

I am assuming you continue to promote your own language learning in German, which is the key for any parent attempting to rear their children in a non-native language – putting in time and effort to become a competent non-native language user so that you’re able to provide good language models and communicate naturally and with ease.

My concern at times stems from seeing parents attempting to raise their children in a language in which they are not confident, but also which they are not actively pursuing to learn. I have witnessed children become like strangers in their own home due to language barriers with their parents caused by parents not speaking the language they are competent in (usually their native language). The result then is that the children and parents have to resort to superficial (surface) conversations and can never reach deep matters of the heart. I have also seen children being alienated from grandparents and extended family members due to forced language barriers that could have been avoided. There are, however, exceptions to the rule!

Hola! I am so confuse now. I’m Spanish but I speak English, not perfect but I want to continue improving it. I thought that, if I have children, I would speak English to them, in order to give them better chances in life, even if they grow up in Spain or if they go to an Spanish school (here not even bilingual schools are completely bilingual). But I don’t know what to do. Any advice? I do believe that learning English earlier would be easier for them and much more recommendable.
Thanks!

Laura – when choosing the home language, I normally recommend that parents use the language they know and speak best, which is usually the native language, so that their children are being given good language models, however, if you are proficient in another language and feel comfortable and confident using that language for a variety of purposes (i.e. talking, playing, teaching, correcting, etc.) then I don’t see as much harm. The main question to ask yourself is, what is the most natural language for me to interact with my children, where I don’t have to hold back my feelings, affection, my thoughts, opinions, etc. because of a language barrier? Also, you didn’t specify where you live…if the community language is English, then your children will have no problems learning it when the time comes and the need for English presents itself. I hope that clarifies things for you at least a bit!

For a thorough yet easy-to-read guide where I cover choosing the home language and share many tips and practical ways of promoting bilingualism in the home, go to http://www.thespeechstop.com/sub.php?page=bilingualism. It’s entitled: “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children”

Hi. We have 3 languages home and kids are doing pretty well.
We live in London , my husband and I speak English to each other , but
I am Italian so I speak my language to the kids , and my husband is Algerian
So he speaks Arabic ( such a difficult language to learn later in life) to them
And we are great full that they are able to switch languages easily. They are
Only 5 and 3 years old . Exposing them to different inputs early in life I believe
Will definitely be an advantage for them. I can’t wait for them to start Spanish at school.but it will take 2 more years…

Hello Ana Paula, I have a three year old girl who is being brought up bilingual in English and Spanish. I am a native speaker of Spanish although I am bilingual in English and Spanish. My husband is a native speaker of English, and though he can speak Spanish, he is not bilingual himself. We live in an Spanish speaking country and our home language is English. We both speak to our daughter in English at home and in Spanish if we are in a Spanish speaking environment. She can understand both languages but she is much more fluent in English and her vocabulary is much bigger as well. We decided not to take the option one parent-one language because we thought that she would need more input from the language different from that of the community. We are hoping that when she goes to school she will catch up with her Spanish and that being a bit behind in the community language will not be a disadvantage. From this article I see that it shouldn’t be a problem in most cases, although our situation is different since I have not used my first language to interact with my child from the very beginning. Thanks a lot.

Maria – in essence you’re using the “Minority Language at Home” method, which is a known method many bilingual families have used. What I say to parents that choose to speak a non-native language is that it’s okay as long as they are comfortable and confident speaking that language for a variety of purposes (i.e. talking, playing, teaching, correcting, etc). Your daughter should have no issues learning Spanish at school, especially due to the language immersion component. If you want more ideas, tips, and encouragement for the bilingual journey, check out my new easy-to-read parent guide entitled “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” – available at http://www.thespeechstop.com/sub.php?page=bilingualism (you can read the introduction and view the table of contents there too).

Hi Ana Paula
We live in the US and both of us parents speak Spanish as native language and we do so consistently at home, still both of our children prefer to speak to us in English. I initially tried to force them to answer back in Spanish but I saw that it became harder and harder for them to do so and they became very frustrated trying to find the right words. I got afraid that I wasn’t going to be able to communicate with them so I did let them answer or speak the language they preferred. I speak Spanish and they reply in English. I know that they understand most of what I say. Is this a good arrangement for their bilingual future? are they going to catch up somehow and be able to communicate in Spanish later on? They are 8 & 6 now. Thanks

Andres – your experience is common to many bilingual families since the frustrating reality is that the majority language tends to dominate even in a bilingual home environment. My children (ages 4.5 and 3) sometimes do the same at varying degrees, responding to me in English even though my interactions with them are primarily in Portuguese. What I’ve found is that I alone am not enough incentive and opportunity for them to WANT to use Portuguese, so I’ve had to create more opportunities for Portuguese exposure and use, such as outings and play dates with Brazilian families, having movies, storybooks and music in Portuguese available at home, setting up Skype “dates” with Portuguese-speaking family members, etc. The key is making their NEED for the target language more prevalent in their lives.

If you’d like many more tips, ideas, and strategies for promoting the home language, I just recently finished a guide entitled “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (http://www.thespeechstop.com/sub.php?page=bilingualism). I address many topics such as cultural awareness and identity, daily schedule and routines, play routines and family outings, media, encouraging home language use, and much more! 🙂

Hello, great discussions, thanks for sharing.
For me the most important thing for children to take up a 2nd language whether mother or father is context. My twin boys aged 5 speak English (from their Australian father), Spanish (from me) and Italian (having spent two years living in Italy), and it all clicked for them when we were going to these places, Spain to see my family and they realised they could not speak English to my parents, Italy when they were going to school and nobody else understood English. I know not every situation allows for context, but for me this was key, and now that we are back in monolingual Australia, my boys do not have any qualms about talking to me in Spanish in front of their friends, teachers or family who are only English speakers.

The other element having been the minority language when living in Australia is that I create “allies”. Books that I read only in Spanish or Italian, videos that they watch or music that they listen to only in Italian or Spanish. That means it is not just me talking to them in Spanish but Nemo, Dora, Peppa Pig!

Hi Ana Paula,
I am 6 months pregnant and thinking of how to raise my child. I am a trilingual linguist (English, French and Spanish). My mother tongue is Spanish and my French is to near-native standard . I also speak English as I have been living in the UK for some 9 years. My husband only speaks Spanish. The thing is that I was thinking of speaking to my baby in French, the father -and other family members- would speak to the baby in Spanish and the baby would learn English from school and TV. However, after reading your posts I am having second thoughts about speaking to the child in French. I wonder if it would be a better idea to wait until the baby is 3 and have a native French au-pair? My concern is that although my French level is really good I have not been using it lately and is becoming a bit rusty, I also was not raised in France or speaking French so I do not know much of the kiddo jargon -if this makes sense :)- I acquired French as a second language so really I am confused as to what would be the best option for the baby.
Thanks for the advice

Hi Paula – I normally recommend that parents use the language they speak best or the language they feel most comfortable using for a variety of purposes. What language do you feel most comfortable using to express affection, humor, to play with your baby, etc? Also if you choose to use French, will your baby have opportunities to use French with others in addition to you? Language use is closely tied to NEED for that language, so think in terms of what languages can be reasonably supported (or fostered) in your home and community.

I have a lot more tips and guidance in my new booklet entitled “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” available on my website.

Work by Patricia Kuhl (1992) suggests that babies lose the ability to distinguish sounds not in their native tongue around 6 months of age. Some earlier research indicated by 12 months of age.

Until when can they learn how to perform different sounds? I heard that it has to be before their ‘phonation system’ such as vocal cords etc are fully developed, i.e., is this true? And if so, at what age does this happen?

Im indonesian and my husband is romanian. I have 4 years old daughter and we live in french speaking region in Switzerland. I only know the basic french, my husband knows french quite well. My husband and I speak indonesian and english with our daughter. And now my daughter is going to primary school soon. Im afraid that she cannot do well in school because she cant speak french. How am i supposed to do? any advise? My daughter also catch some romanian words because she plays with romanian cousins. I think she get confused with 4 different languages..

“If your child is entering school soon and he/she does not speak the community language, don’t worry about the fact he/she will be a little lost initially. Children adapt and learn quickly! Some parents feel they need to introduce the community language at home prior to school to “prepare” their child for the school environment, but this practice is not recommended. Once the need for the community language presents itself, your child will have no issues learning it, especially due to the immersion component of the school environment. Don’t stop speaking your home language!”

To clarify my statements above, when children have a solid first language foundation (the home language), normally they can easily build upon that strong foundation and learn more languages without confusion. I would say continue to give your daughter quality and quantity language input at home in the home language(s). The French language immersion experience should be enough to give your daughter the tools to learn French, and her learning could potentially be reinforced by your husband as well who speaks French well. I discuss tips for quality and quantity language input at home in much more detail in my guide. Hope this helps!

Hello.
i am italian and my partner is turkish. we talk to each other in english even though my partner can speak italian.
we live in germany, i can speak german very well but my partner can’t.
i am pregnant and i am concerned on which languages should we speak with our kid.
i want to speak italian, it is very important for me cause it is my mother tongue and i can convey emotions and sensations with it.
as an expert, can you please give us an advice?
thank you

Francesca – my recommendation is usually that parents should speak to their children in the language they speak best and in which they feel most comfortable in order to express themselves for a variety of purposes (e.g. talking, playing, expressing affection, to teach and discipline, etc). If your partner is proficient in Italian and feels confident in that language, then that might allow for more consistency in your home language, however, one should never be forced to speak any given language to their child. It could be that your child has two home languages and a different community language. I hope this helps! For more detailed tips and recommendations, please see my parent guide “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

Hello!
I’m Russian. I live in UK last 7 years. I have a 6 years old son. I’ve got divorced from my English husband 2 years ago and now he is trying to stop my son speaking to me in Russian during our phone conversations. I ONLY have talked to my son in Russian since he was born-so he could learn the language. It is deeply upsetting for me and my son. do you think my ex-husband has any legal right to do so? Child lives with me. Thank you.

Irina – unfortunately I can’t speak on the legal aspects of your predicament, but you may consider seeking legal counsel. If your son lives with you, I would just encourage you to continue speaking to him in Russian as you always have, assuring him that his use of Russian is completely normal and acceptable since that has been your language of interaction since birth.

I speak English to my son even though it is my second language. I’ve lived in an English-speaking country for most of my life, and I’m sure my grasp of the language is pretty decent. My husband is French and we live in Britain, and we speak English at home. It would be difficult for us to communicate in our native languages at home, so we let our respective parents teach our son French and my mother tongue. He doesn’t have any problems with speech development, and speaks and understands English very well. He is also doing very well in the other two languages. I wonder if this is common (i.e. a non-native speaker parent speaking a community language (as opposed to their native tongue) to the child and the child doing great in terms of speech development), or it is just us?

Dina – I am sure there are many families in your situation who are doing great, but I would venture to guess that this is more the exception to the rule. My recommendation stems from the fact that I see a large number of parents attempting to raise their children in languages they are not comfortable or confident speaking for a variety of purposes or in various contexts, and as a speech-language specialist, I see the negative effects not only for the child but also for the immediate and extended family members.

Hi.
I don’t have any children yet but I am planning on it with my partner in the future. We are both English natives living in the US but I speak Spanish. My partner is going to learn Spanish and I will study Portuguese in college. We want to raise our kids with English, Spanish, and Portuguese. Is this a bad idea since the latter two are so similar? (I’m only 18 years old but this is definitely a serious concern.) And your article was amazing! Thanks in advance.

Roy – The similarity in the languages would not be an issue. I speak both Portuguese and Spanish and knowing Portuguese actually aided my ability to learn Spanish (I learned Spanish, however, as an adolescent). The bigger question is can you and your partner provide quality and quantity language input in all 3 languages? Language use is largely tied to NEED for that language in one’s everyday life, so as a parent, you just have to ensure that you maintain the second language or languages constant in the child’s life. For more detailed tips and recommendations, please see my parent guide “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

Hi,
I really loved the article. I have a 4 year old boy, and from day one it was really important for me to teach him my native language (Polish) and i have succeeded. We speak English at home and that’s also the language of the community. However we are now going to adopt my husband’s 4 year old nephew, whos first language is english. Do you think I should try and teach him polish, and if so should I start from the day he comes to leave with us, or give him time to adapt. Or maybe I should just carry on speaking english to him, but I’m afraid that this may make him feel excluded, like I said before I only speak polish with my son. Also it would be greatly beneficial to my husband’s nephew to be bilingual and I would love to give him that chance.

Paulina – in terms of your current family dynamics and his integration into your everyday lives, I would recommend you speak what feels most natural, which appears to be mostly Polish (the language of interaction between you and your son) and some English, if I have understood correctly. If you don’t introduce Polish right away, your nephew’s propensity and desire to learn it and use it might decrease if you establish English as your language of interaction, and this might also cause your Polish interaction with your son to change if your son begins to hear more and more English at home. Since your nephew is still very young, his adaptation should be fairly smooth, but this will also depend on the circumstances of his adoption, his emotional well-being, etc. In summary, my gut feeling is that if he’s going to be a permanent addition to your home, I would speak to him as you would any other child that was added to your family.

I have this feeling that my situation is more complex…
My husband and his family speaks Polish and I speak Russian with my family. However, the language of communication between me and my husband is English,
because this is the language that we speak since we got to know each other, since we come from different countries.
We are planning to have kids in the future and the question is – which language should we teach them? Because my husband says we should speak Polish to our kids, but I believe they should also learn Russian in order to be able to communicate also with my family.
Would it be a real mess if my husband would speak in Polish and me in Russian? Moreover, the child would hear that we don’t communicate in neither languages but English.. On top of all that we live in Germany, where kind swould also grow up..so those are already 4 different languages.. I really don’t know how this can be solved.

Anzelika – your situation is definitely more complex, but I would not say it’s rare. I’ve read of other families who present with similar scenarios, so you’re not alone. Maybe someone on this forum with this experience can give you some feedback? I can’t say I can give you practical tips on handling 4 languages of input, since that is not my experience, but in most cases, I tend to lean towards “Interact with your child in the language that feels most natural and comfortable to you.” Good luck to you!

Anzelika, you are not alone. We don’t have children yet but my husband is Lithuanian (who also speaks fluent Russian), I am Romanian and we live in Belgium (which has 3 official languages: French, Flemish and German), while we speak English to each other. Seeing other multilingual families in Brussels, it seems to be working out quite well: my friend is Spanish/Catalan and her husband is Ukrainean. They speak to their kids in Catalan and Ukrainean and the kids learn French in school, but apparently they are extremely curious about other languages that they hear around them (the little one was asking the mom how certain words are in German for instance). So I’m sure it can work out 🙂 I’m pretty jealous of those people who were exposed to several languages as kids, as when you try to learn a language as an adult it’s not as effortless anymore.

My husband speaks Turkish and I speak arabic to the kids and they learn English from school. However my husband and I speak in English as he refuses to speak in either Turkish nor Arabic with the Because he is impatient and wants to make sure they understand…my kids are now 4 and 5 and a half….the eldest speaks fluent arabic because before she went to preschool I made sure I communicated with her in arabic and arabic tv etc and she picked English from my husband I….however I am having so much trouble with my younger boy who went to preschool at 2 before he could talk and everything he speaks Is in English…he understands everything I say and he watches arabic tv and understands but he has difficulty expressing himself in arabic and i feel so helpless about it…esp that my husband reinforces it!…anyhow I want them to learn their fathers native language also so that they can communicate with his family I started them on Turkish lessons twice a week…but I feel deep down its a waste of time….please advise me on this situation because it really is quite depressing I feel fustrated. Thank you

Sarah – let me briefly share what recently happened in my family. I’ve only spoken in Portuguese to my children (daughter – age 5 and son – age 3.5) since they were born. They fully understand Portuguese (conversation, movies, songs, books, etc), but my son would rarely choose to speak it, and my daughter would alternate between Portuguese and English, but still seemed to default to English most of the time (even when addressed in Portuguese). If I requested that she speak to me in Portuguese, she would. My husband is English-speaking and we’re in an English-speaking community with very little opportunities for Portuguese interactions outside of ME! We just spent 30+ days in Brazil, and now my daughter is speaking to me solely in Portuguese, and my son is starting to spontaneously alternate between the two. I share all that to say, opportunities for interaction are key to promote in them the DESIRE and the NEED to speak it, especially interactions with other children speaking the target language. You may not be able to go to a fully Arabic-speaking environment, but I would recommend you find ways to increase opportunities for engagement in Arabic. For a more detailed discussion on this and practical tips and recommendations, please see my parent guide “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

As far as Turkish, my personal opinion is this: if your husband is not concerned with passing down his language to your children, I wouldn’t push it. I believe the primary push has to come from the parent who speaks that particular language. All YOU can do (and do well) is enforce Arabic. Even if they do well in their Turkish classes, they would need HIM to reinforce it at home, and if he’s not willing or interested, the benefit of the classes will be potentially lost. I understand your intentions, but you can’t be responsible for the Turkish input because that is not your language. If anything, I would invest in Arabic classes or whatever else would create more opportunities and incentive for your children to use Arabic on a regular basis. If the need for Turkish arises later in the lives of your children, I have no doubt they will be able to learn it at that time.

Dear ana, Thank you so much for your advise I will definitely take a look at your book for further details, but as a first hand information I feel it’s helped a lot and given me hope. ?.Thank you so much!

hello! my husband and i are planning to have a child this year. my native language is russian and my husband’s native language is farsi. between us we communicate in english, even though he is not proficient in this language(makes grammer mistakes), but i am. i do not speak farsi, and he doesnt speak russian. we are planning to live in iran for the next 3-4 years. could u please tell me how should i teach my child those 3 languages? whats the best way? which language(s) should be learned first? thanks in advance!

Mamilya – My usual recommendation is that parents should speak to their children the language that feels most natural and the one they speak best in various contexts. As far as introducing a third language, because this is not my experience with my children (even though I speak 3 languages, we’re only teaching them 2 currently), I’m afraid I may not have the answers you’re seeking.

I do provide lots of practical tips for the bilingual home, and I also explain my decision to teach only 2 of my 3 languages in my parent guide “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

Although I agree with the principle of this article, I still have to ask: what if your child would not learn a 2nd language if you spoke in your native language? English is the native language of both my husband and I and we live in the United States. I have ACTFL-rated Adv. high abilities in French and used to teach in a French immersion school. If I didn’t speak to my daughter in French at all and stayed in my native language of English, she would only have one language. Sure I sometimes feel a little awkward in French and know that what she is learning is not perfectly ‘native’, but I’ve got to believe that something is much better than absolutely nothing in this case.

Jeannie – the key to what you have stated is that your skills in French are advanced, so I don’t discourage what you’re doing. As a language specialist, my concern is when parents attempt to raise their children in a language they don’t feel fully comfortable or competent speaking.

I have yet another situation. We live in the US, my husband speaks English and i tried to speak my native language to our son but am failing quite a bit. I have only been living 7 years here, but i feel like i can express myself better in English, it comes more natural when i am speaking to my son. Speaking my native language is work, and we do not have enough exposure to it other that me speaking it. I can only dream of playgroups or immersion school… It is a language of a small country. I really wanted him to be able to speak my language, and he understands it a little (even spoke in sentences when we went to visit last summer, but it’s very far and we are not able to go often), but now that we are back he only answers in English with some exeptions. I find myself switching back and forth between the two languages and i am sure it’s not helping. I am just not sure what approach to take from now on. He is 4 and we can have meaningful conversations in English, while in my native language we can only talk about very simple things like “are you cold?”, “let’s go eat” and the like. I love chatting to him about life and stuff.. 🙂

I am in a similar situation. My children (3 & 6) are currently fluent in English and Hebrew, but I’d like to strengthen my native language (Spanish) with them.
My Israeli husband has been speaking Hebrew to them since birth. When we lived in the US, I spoke English and Spanish to them equally (I lived in the US for 20yrs, so I’m fully bilingual), and we lived near my family so they got to hear a lot Spanish; but when we moved to Israel two years ago, Spanish took a back seat. My husband and I speak English with each other, and I speak to them in English, so the only exposure to Spanish is when we talk to my family on the phone or Skype. They understand a little bit when I speak Spanish, but it’s basic language versus being able to have conversations in English or Hebrew. Any tips?

Yari – The easiest way I find to introduce another language (especially if it’s one that is not used in the home as often), is to use storybooks. Begin reading storybooks in the target language, so in your case Spanish. This will give you the opportunity to introduce lots of new vocabulary: nouns (e.g. house, eyes, car, fish, etc.), action words (e.g. running, eating, etc.), describing words (e.g. red, small, hot, soft, etc.), and so on. You can also sing children’s songs in Spanish related to the storybook content to repeat and practice the vocabulary introduced.

There’s a leveled storybook series in Spanish/English that you might consider…it’s entitled “GROW! Language Development with Engaging Children’s Stories” (¡CREZCA! El Desarrollo de Lenguaje Con Cuentos Infantiles Divertidos). Each book in the series has 4 levels so you can pick which level is appropriate based on the child’s age and language level. It’s available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=grow.

K – If you feel more comfortable and confident in your English language skills, I would not discourage you from doing what you’ve been doing so far. If you want to maintain your native language at some level, I offer lots of practical tips for the bilingual home in my parent guide “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

Hi,
First of all thanks for this article, it has been helpful in convincing some members of my family that the mix of languages will not create (at least a long-term) confusion in a child.
Although my child is just a baby (6 months old at the moment) I would really like to ask for your opinion on the following matter: my mother-tongue is Serbian, while the baby’s father’s is Czech, at the moment we live in Czech Republic, but we met while living in Italy, so between ourselves we speak Italian. I also consider English to be my native language since my schooling (while living in Italy) was all in English. I was wondering if it would be beneficial to look for an international (English speaking) kinder garden for our boy, or just let him go to the local day care? Would an introduction of a fourth language be too much?
Also how important, do you think, could be for a child the fact that his mother is not proficient in the local language? (having said that I do have the intention to become proficient in Czech, but perhaps in case we move again somewhere else, I would like to get your opinion on this topic).
Thanks again!
Best regards
Maria

Maria – Children are capable of learning as many languages as they NEED regularly in order to communicate within the various language contexts they find themselves in, so as you consider multilingualism, think in terms of need and in terms of which languages you can feasibly support (by providing plenty of opportunities for quality interactions in that language). As far as the language or languages you choose to speak with him, I normally recommend that you speak the language(s) you feel most confident and comfortable speaking. As far as introducing English, I believe it depends…is English important and needful in terms of your community, your family, etc.?

As far as you learning Czech, I’ll go back to NEED. Do you need Czech in your daily/weekly interactions within your community? If yes, it would probably be to your benefit to learn Czech, but I wouldn’t necessarily base that decision on how it would be perceived by your boy.

I’m pregnant now, I’m Portuguese, the father is Italian. We still don’t know in which country we will raise the child (might be the Netherlands) but our home dynamics is in English (or Italian, which I am learning). I’m all for bilingual education – I think it’s a great plus for the child. But won’t two native languages [+ one or two foreign ones] be a bit too much? My question is mainly, what if the parents have two native languages already? Any tips on how to deal with that?
Thank you in advance and best regards,
Vera

Vera – I would think less in terms of the number of languages and think more in terms of 1) which language(s) your child will need in order to interact in your home, with your family members, and within your community, and 2) which language(s) you can support in terms of providing quality and quantity input. I explain what this means in much more detail as well as why I chose NOT to introduce my third language to my children (at least for the time being) in my parent guide, “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

Hi i have a 4 year old boy and an almost 2 year old girl. My partner and i live in Spain, i can speak Spanish but the main language spoken at home is English, my son doesn’t want to talk Spanish, he is in a Spanish school and manages well doing the task asked of him, but wont speak the language and it’s frustrating. when at home if i talk to him in Spanish he answers in English and tells me not to talk in Spanish he only wants to watch the t.v in English, i just worry that it’s my fault for not talking to him enough in Spanish, and now I’m not sure what to do. he was late starter in talking in general and would say that really he has only been talking in English properly for around 7 months more or less.
Would you have any advice for how to help him. I would love for him to be able to communicate with his classmates and the community around us.
Kind regards

Nicky – The first thing I would try is to make Spanish a natural part of your everyday interactions whether or not your son responds in Spanish. My children did this for a while, responding to me in English even though I was almost strictly speaking to them in Portuguese. Even though it was sometimes frustrating for me, I just kept the Portuguese constant, and I made sure they had various opportunities to hear and interact in Portuguese (conversation, storybooks, songs, etc). I would never force them though to speak it…just keep Spanish constant and your natural default at home. For a lot more practical suggestions and tips, please see my parent guide, “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

My husband and I are both originally Romanian but living in North America for a very long time. We are both fluent in both Romanian and English. My husband always speaks Romanian to our son. I would like to speak English to my son during the week (before and after daycare) and Romanian during the week-end when my hisband is home as well. Also, i would like to speak Romanian any other time we are all together (like holidays).
Is that ok or mustI always stick to one language?
What are som good reading materials you would recommend on this?
Thank you very much!

Roxana – There are many families who choose to speak different languages at certain times or in specific contexts, however, my personal suggestion would be that both of you speak Romanian at home since your child will get plenty of English exposure at daycare and eventually in school. If you introduce English consistently at home, your son’s desire or NEED for Romanian might diminish and it might be harder for him to acquire it fully. As far as resources, please see my parent guide, “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

There are lots of large non-western countries (Turkey, Iran, China, India, Russia) where there are multiple national languages but only one language which is used in public schools. The result is not that an entire group of children are excluded from national life but on the contrary, once completing the education system they are more desirable as they are bilingual and therefore possess a skill it would take anyone else years to acquire. Of course societies are more complex than simply languages and ethnic descrimination all too often means minority languages are spoken by persecuted ethnic groups and therefore those children may later have difficulty finding equal treatment in the society but this is true for immigrants in many Western countries as well so the problem is much more complex and institutionalized than simply language education of children. To give some respect to the U.S., first generation immigrant children there, everything else being equal in terms of qualifications, are almost always given priority in university and government job selection processes and being bilingual is widely seen as an impressive qualification. Many EU countries have similar policies, at least on paper.

I live with my familie in Norway, my husband i norwegien and i am icelandic. I have been living in Norway for 5 years. We have a little boy that will soon be 2 years old. We speak Norwegien at home and i also speak norwegien to my son. I have often been contenplating on if it would be better if i speak icelandic to him but have faild to do so jet because i wanted my husband to understand to. My son saus a few words now in norwegien. Is it to late for me to start speaking icelandic to him now? Looking forward to your answer.

Stina – I apologize for the late reply. If Icelandic is an important part of who you are and if it’s a language you can effective support by giving your child quality and quantity language input, I don’t believe it’s too late, especially if you are more confident and more comfortable speaking Icelandic. Since you’re in a Norwegian language community, your son will have plenty of exposure and language input in Norwegian. You can slowly begin incorporating Icelandic in your daily routines, such as beginning with storybooks, then gradually add more and more. For a lot more practical suggestions and tips, please see my parent guide, “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

Very Usefull article. I also have same with the the author’s write. I hade read many articles about “language and thinking” and the conclussion is very important to learn our mother tongue language. And I will make research about it since i am a psychology postgraduate student. Mother language must have survive, or we will lose our cultures. And corelate with this article is language will influence our thinking pattern. Because language is one of mental tools. So school, family and community should use only one language if possible for create great student and great future. But if there are more than one language for example language on school and job differ with family and community language, so people, family, educator, lecture, and of course goverment have to focus struggle for it and close the gap between school, job and fmily or community.

Hi I seriously need your help…desperately
I speak english Spanish and Arabic
My parents are arabic but we grew up in latin America I could never speak the language till I moved to Israel in an Arabic speaking community
My problem: I used to speak to my 2 kids Spanish until I came here. They are 4 and 5 but now I completely stopped and speak in Arabic broken Arabic that is. They understand English and my oldest even speaks it.
I want to teach them Spanish… I DO I just forget at times to speak it to them I get embarrassed and I practice my broken Arabic with them. Please help me…. Is it too late? Whats wrong with me denying my kids this opportunity ? I am so disappointed with myself

Loris – first, I don’t believe the traits of a good parent lie in the fact that they make their children bilingual. Bilingualism is a great opportunity, but if you are loving your children, caring for them, instilling in them a sense of their value, your children will be well-adjusted and confident individuals.

Speaking broken Arabic to your children is probably not optimal for you or your children, mainly because you should be able to communicate with them in a way that feels natural to you and where you feel confident and able to express your heart fully to them without a language barrier. I think you can gradually incorporate Spanish back into their lives in simple ways such as storybooks, playgroups, videos, etc. For a lot more practical suggestions and tips, please see my parent guide, “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

I am bilingual and we speak in our native language at home. I have twin 3 year old boys who have been going to school for over a year and are still not talking in english. The teacehrs complain constantly about how they are not social, not interacting with other kids, etc. I think it is because they have each other in their class, they tend to stick together and speak in our native language and I believe that if and when they are put in separate classrooms, ina couple of months, english will kick in. They don;t have any difficulty understanding english but it is just that english is not their choice even in the USA, they tend to speak in our native language. I have always stuck to english when doing one-on-one work with them, etc. but now I am really doubting myself even my own family (except my husband) and some friends keep telling me that I am making a mistake by not speaking in english with them and not giving them enough exposure to english language. The boys spend around 6-8 h mon-fri in their school- if that is not enough exposure to english, I don;t know what is. Not to mention, my kids are really naughty and mischievous and when I ask them why don;t they speak in english, they just look at me and say that they don;t want to. I am hoping my instinct is right and that they will feel the need and perhaps want to make friends of their own once they are separated in school (come september, they will be separated) but I find it extremely demoralizing to have to listen to all the criticisms on a daily basis from all quarters regarding how I am making the wrong decisions for my children and hurting their language and social interaction. Am I wrong? Even if I am right, is there something I can do for the children to feel motivated to speak in english other than what I am already doing? I really love my native language and want my children to be proficient (and they are extremely fluent in it, as much as an adult in my native country). It breaks my heart to rip it apart and force english upon my kids. But I want to step back and put my emotions aside and do what is really best for my kids. Any help/suggestions would be appreciated!

Mom of twins – bilingualism is wonderful but it can be a complicated road if you don’t have the support of your family and community members. If your children are fluent in your native tongue, there is absolutely NOTHING for you to be concerned about because if children demonstrate normal language development in one language, they normally have no problems learning a second language. Their delay or refusal to speak English is probably only due to the fact that as you stated, they don’t NEED to speak in English yet because they have each other in the classroom and prefer speaking their native language, which is perfectly normal. When the need presents itself, if they do get placed in separate classrooms, you should see their English use increase since they’ll have to communicate in English in order to interact effectively in the classroom. It sounds like they have enough English exposure, so I don’t believe there’s anything you need to do differently. The only thing you may need to do is educate those around you so the criticism will stop, but even if it does not stop, stand your ground! Give yourself a pat on the back for passing down your native language and culture to your children. Be proud of yourself and not ashamed!

We are a British family living in the Netherlands. We speak English at home and the kids go to a Dutch speaking crèche. I speak fluent Dutch and in a Dutch context I also speak Dutch to the kids. Now my eldest daughter has started an English speaking school where she gets 2 lessons of Dutch lessons per week and she also goes to the dutch crèche after school twice a week. I have been surprised at how reluctant my daughter is to speak Dutch, she clearly understands everything, but aside from the odd word or short sentence she will not have a conversation and she is clearly insecure about speaking it. Do you have any suggestions on how to help her overcome this?

S – the best way to promote language use is to increase your daughter’s opportunities to interact in Dutch, particularly with peers. If you’re the only or primary source of her Dutch exposure, and if you speak to her in English as well, her NEED for using Dutch is greatly diminished. So look for ways to expose her and give her more opportunities to interact in a variety of environments with a variety of Dutch-speaking individuals, including children her own age.

our native language is Arabic and we speak with people in English and my 5 years old daughter does’t understand English i am worried about here i dose not get here school this year but in the next year she will be the first grade i am worried if she will learn English when i will put here in school and i afraid if she will be shocked when she will go o the school hey all talk a language she does not understand.
by the way we traveled recently
please advice me

Dania – if your daughter’s language development in Arabic has been normal and she understands/speaks Arabic (at the level of typical 5-year-old children), she should have no problems learning English once she starts school. She may be a little “lost” at the beginning if she does not understand any English at all, but children have an amazing ability to learn very quickly when the NEED presents itself. She’ll get the English exposure she needs in school, so I would continue giving her consistent and quality Arabic exposure at home.

I discuss schooling in more detail and provide more practical suggestions and tips in my parent guide: “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

Hi, my parents speak spanish and sometimes they speak broken english to my daughter who is 4.. currently her language is slightly delayed and I am wondering if there is any consequence to this and what can I do with the incorrect modelling of english to my child? Appreciate your help! Thanks in advance!

Ailin – how significant is the language input your daughter is receiving from your parents? The best thing to do is to kindly encourage them to speak only Spanish to her since that is probably the language they speak best and are most comfortable speaking. They may be resorting to English because they feel as though she is not understanding their Spanish interactions.

As far as her “delay,” I have written a brief article that might help you determine if you should seek professional help for the language delay. It’s entitled “W.I.P.U.L. – Areas to Consider When Differentiating Between Late Talkers and Language Disorders in Children” and available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=planguage. Hope this helps!

Thank you so much for your help. She sees her grandma twice every week and there will be a lot of communication between the two of them during that period. I am wondering though because my child does not speak spanish, if grandma decides to speak to her in spanish and she replies in english, will that be a good idea?
Otherwise, will having frequent conversations in broken english with her grandma slow down her language development?
During other periods of the day, she receives good english models from other family members.
Please kindly advise.
Thank you!

If your child understands Spanish, it is not really a problem per se for her to respond in English as long as they’re able to communicate effectively. Again, I always recommend that individuals should speak to their children/grandchildren in the language they speak best and in which they feel most comfortable.

We are planning to have kids in the future and the question is – which language should we teach them? Because my husband says we should speak Polish to our kids, but I believe they should also learn Russian in order to be able to communicate also with my family.
Would it be a real mess if my husband would speak in Polish and me in Russian? Moreover, the child would hear that we don’t communicate in neither languages but English.. On top of all that we live in Germany, where kind swould also grow up..so those are already 4 different languages.. I really don’t know how this can be solved.

My usual recommendation is that parents should speak the language they speak best or the one they’re most comfortable speaking to communicate in a way that is natural. If parents choose to speak a non-native language at home, I believe they should feel fully competent and comfortable in that language. I also recommend that parents consider which languages do their children NEED in their home and family environment in order to communicate and make connections with immediate and extended family members. I’m not sure this answers your questions, but I hope it helps some!

Ana pretty precious thoughts you have depicted here! Bilingualism is a ever benefit proven in society yet; true. An active communicative language and an added expertise in your native language is certainly a benefit to one. The foundation of native language being spoken with an ease will be a great help too; learning new language, for sure; far more effective discussions, explanations practiced in native language is hugely ensured. Getting them emotionally and culturally involved in family values is also broadly achieved. Appreciate your write-up!

My husband is German and I am American. I grew up speaking German at home until I went to school and then switched to English. I have always felt that English was my native language although my parents always spoke German at home. We have a 13 month old son and I am torn as to which way to go. I started speaking English only to him thinking he would get learn German from his dad, and I worried he would learn my German grammar mistakes if I spoke German with him. However, my husband has recently had to work longer hours/travel and has not been home that much, so I decided to switch to German a couple of months ago to make sure he hears it a lot. This is tricky because I am fluent in German, but English is really the language I am more comfortable in. I figured he would learn English once he goes to school and that any German is better than only German on the weekends when my husband is home. I just worry because I feel that I would speak more freely and probably use more vocabulary if I would go back to speaking English with him. I also worry sometimes if there will be words I do not know in German once he starts talking more. I don’t want to keep switching back and forth but I think know is the time to make sure I know which way to go. Any advice? Thank you so much! I should mention my mother speaks German with him and is over a lot, but I am the primary caregiver. His dad speaks German for the short time he sees him at night and on weekends. Thank you!

Heidi – those decisions are never clear-cut because there are always so many variables involved! If you are proficient in German and feel comfortable and at ease using baby talk, expressing affection, providing discipline, reading storybooks, playing, singing children’s songs, etc. in German, then I think you’re fine to use German at home. However, if that is not the case, you might be doing your son a disservice by “forcing” a second language which does not come naturally to you.

For example, I speak Portuguese, Spanish, and English fluently, but my “default” languages are Portuguese & English so that has been our languages of focus at home (I provide Portuguese input, my husband provides English input). Spanish would technically be more “useful” for my children in the culture we live in, however, Portuguese is the most important and “useful” in terms of building connections within our family unit (and Spanish is the third language I learned as an adult, so I don’t feel as comfortable using it with my own children although I’m fully comfortable using it in the clinical setting as a speech and language therapist).

I’m offering a 20% DISCOUNT right now if you’re interested…it’s full of practical tips and ideas! For the discount, you have to contact me DIRECTLY via my website’s contact page (http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=form). Take care!

Some people say that shouldn’t speak your native language with your children and some say do. What we do I couldn’t understand. If we speak the children in our native language they can’t speak the environment language, than what we actually had to do.

I am agree with you. For example my native language is Ukrainian and I almost never use it (yes, it is not good) because I mostly speak English or French, but I would like that in future my children will be able to speak my native language. Thanks for the nice article.

As expat parents of an 18 month old we are constantly wondering how our child will progress in language while we are living in Guatemala. Iza’s nanny is Mayan and speaks the local Mayan dialect and Spanish to her, and we speak English to her. Her language is slow to develop, maybe because she is learning 3 languages! So this article really hit home, thank you. We do speak as much English as possible to her but she is picking up the local Mayan dialect and Spanish quicker because she spends more time with her nanny while we work. But she is developing so we aren’t worried. Hopefully she will be trilingual like some other kids in the area.

I agree when you say that if your native language is different from the one spoken in the community, you should speak your native language at home. That is actually what I do with my own children (Spanish / Russian).
But I know Russian speakers living in Russia that have decided to speak English or Spanish to their children from birth because they wanted them to be bilingual, and the results are fantastic. I don’t think that may harm those children language development, although I’m a language teacher, not a speech therapist. So what is your opinion about “artificial” bilingualism?

Joselyn – if parents can engage naturally and be comfortable and confident speaking a non-native language to their children for the sake of them becoming bilingual, I believe it’s fine.

I see a problem when parents choose to speak a non-native language with their children at the expense of being able to fully share their hearts, their thoughts, their emotions, to display/express affection, to instruct, etc. It’s just very difficult to engage fully with our children in a language in which we don’t feel comfortable or confident, which is what I sometimes witness in parents attempting to use non-native languages with their children. In summary, I believe strong and healthy parent-child relationships based on effective and natural communication trumps bilingualism the use of a non-native language means limited or scripted communication between parents and children.

If you’re referring to “artificial bilingualism” as L2 being learned in a structured environment where language is studied and acquired more formally, from personal experience I can say it works effectively, particularly if you are young and immersed in L2. I learned L2 (English) at age 10 and was able to achieve native proficiency, however, my parents NEVER stopped speaking L1 (Portuguese) with me and my siblings (in a highly monolingual culture) because that would have been unnatural and awkward for our family, even after my parents learned English. I was able to maintain L1 skills which later facilitated my acquisition of L3 (Spanish) at age 18. Does this answer your question?

I believe strong and healthy parent-child relationships based on effective and natural communication trumps bilingualism IF the use of a non-native language means limited or scripted communication between parents and children.

my name is Raul, and i arrived here thanks that i started reading about bilingualism. I am married with an iranian, and a new baby arrived home recently. My native language is Spanish, my wife’s native language is irani, and we live in Spain. I have some doubts about how to approach the future language education of my daughter, so i would be glad if somebody could give me some advices. thanks in advance!

my first doubt is about how to approach the language when we talk between the three of us. we have already decided the one parent one language system. In the beggining when my wife and me started our relationship, it all started in english. Right now, after some years, she has a good spanish level, but our communications is still fifty fifty because she tends to speak in english. In the other hand, my level of irani is very basic, although i am now putting effort to acquire a better level. So this is my first issue: how has to be the approach in this situation? does she have to put more effort getting more used to spanish language so that the communication between the three of us would be in spanish in the future? should i start learning more irani? do we continue in english?

my second doubt is about the third language: English. I think that exposing the girl to three languages at the same time maybe would be excessive. What do you think about starting english when she starts school? or should we start teaching her from the very beggining at the same time than spanish and irani?

my last doubt is about how to approach the day by day language teaching. as far as i have read on books, the mother language will be easy for her, since mothers tend to spend more time and effort teaching kids their language. The enviroment is spanish (and English also, since we are living in a turistic enviroment), and my family is Spanish also. How do we have to approach the Spanish language? this is a doubt that i have never read a solution on books or blogs. Do we have to make her watch kids movies in both languages? do we have to read her books in both languages, one day Spanish, another day Irani?

Raul – I may not be able to answer all of your questions in one shot, however, I normally recommend that each parent speak the language that comes most natural to them. So if your wife’s strongest language is Irani, then I recommend she interact with your daughter primarily in Irani. If your strongest language is Spanish, I recommend you interact primarily in Spanish. The language you choose between the two of you (husband and wife) is less relevant. For example, I speak to my husband in English, but if my kids are present, if I address them in the midst of my English conversation with my husband, I revert back to Portuguese with my kids. Hope that makes sense!

I encourage you to be consistent with the language input you are providing your daughter by providing her rich experiences in BOTH languages (reading books, children’s shows, play dates, visits with family, etc). As far as adding a third language, if your daughter will be schooled in English, it can certainly wait because the academic environment in English should be sufficient to help her learn English quickly when the need for English arises, since language use is largely based on NEED for that language.

I read this post with great interest, thank you! (I realize you wrote it a while ago, so I hope you are still reading comments!) I was raised as a monolingual English speaker in the U.S., and my husband was as well. I became proficient (though not fluent) in Japanese and Chinese through study and immersion in high school and college. Now I’m an anthropologist who does research in South Korea, and am functionally fluent (though still have gaps in my knowledge–especially daily stuff and kids’ stuff, as it’s not part of the university language curriculum!). My daughter was born in Korea at the end of my research and then we moved back to the US for me to finish my studies. She heard me speaking Korean to others when she was an infant (though I spoke English to her), and then we moved back to the US. People have asked me if I speak Korean to her at home–but I don’t, precisely because it doesn’t feel natural. I do sing little Korean songs to her, and of course, tell her what something is in Korean if she asks.

Now, we’ll be moving back to Korea in the fall for me to begin an academic position. There are not really international schools that are good options, and I want my daughter to learn Korean anyway. She will have just turned 4 when we go back, and she’ll need to be preschool, if not full-time then close to it. I am wondering if it will be better to send her to an English immersion preschool for a year as a transition before she begins Korean primary school, or just throw her into Korean preschool. (The English preschool is intended for Korean kids whose parents want them to have a strong start in English). My worries with the English preschool option is that she may hear broken English around her (I don’t know how fluent the teachers are). Will this have a negative impact? In this case, is it better to just skip it and put her in Korean preschool? Also, once she is old enough for kindergarten, we will have the option of sending her to a Chinese immersion elementary school (mostly for kids who are ethnically Chinese but who speak Korean at home). My husband is worried about this being too much for her when she is already struggling to learn Korean. What do you think? Thank you!

Bonnie – the number of languages introduced is not confusing as long as there is consistent input and an ever present NEED for those languages in the child’s life (English will be needed to communicate with you and daddy, X language will be needed to communicate with relatives, X language will be needed to communicate at school, etc). If you’re wanting her to learn Korean, I would say putting her in the Korean preschool would be optimal because her need for Korean will drive her language growth, and this age is still optimal for second language learning. As far as introducing/learning Chinese later, it’s certainly feasible. Again, I go back to need for each language and your ability to maintain the input (exposure and quality of input) in the 3 languages consistent. I hope this answers your questions! Feel free to contact me directly via my website with any other questions.

My native language is Italian, my wife is American, we live in US. I work full time, my wife will be a stay-home mother. Obviously, she will be spending more time with the child than me. Do I only speak Italian when I’m home? Or should I ask my wife to use some additional stuff, such as Italian radio, tv etc, while I’m at work?

Jay – I would recommend you speak only Italian with the child, but you’ll have to find other ways to make Italian relevant and important in the child’s life, through music, books, children’s shows, playmates if you have any Italian-speaking friends with children, etc. Because English will be predominant, you’ll have to be more focused and intentional in how you provide your child sufficient exposure to Italian and opportunities to use Italian on a regular basis.

Hello,
My native language is polish and I am one of those parents that unfortunately didn’t speak in my native language to my child. My husband is American and we speak English at home all the time. I have tried to speak polish to my daughter when she was little but then I got lazy and it was just easier to communicate in English. Now she is 5 and I really regret that I wasn’t consistent and that I stop speaking polish to her. She knows some words but doesn’t really understand much. Do you have any suggestion how to start teaching her now? Should I get her some DVD’s and CD’s to learn polish language?

Agnieszka – First I want to encourage you by saying it’s not loo late to begin now. I think the best way to begin is by starting with storybooks in Polish. Storybooks are so versatile and conducive to teaching vocabulary and other language skills. The pictures also help give context and assist with understanding, so then the child is not totally lost in the new language and uninterested. Teaching songs are also great because they’re repetitive and fun and aid with exposure to and memorization of new words/concepts. So if you can find children’s storybooks and music CDs in Polish, I would start there. I have other practical tips that might be helpful to you in my parent guide – “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

If access to storybooks in Polish is difficult, there’s a storybook series called “GROW: Language Development with Engaging Children’s Stories. It’s in English (there’s also an English/Spanish version), but it has four progressive levels, starting with very simple vocabulary and increasing to more complex vocabulary and language structures. Because of the built-in leveling, you could easily read these to your daughter if you can on-the-spot translate as you read. More info is available here: http://www.northernspeech.com/building-vocabulary/grow-language-building-storybooks-english-only-edition/

Please help me make a decision about which or how many languages I should speak to my child. I currently live in Turkey with my husband, my native language is Spanish and my husband’s is Turkish. We both speak to each other in English because it’s the only common language we know.

This is what is holding me back, should I speak English to the baby because it’s the language of both parents? Should my husband speak Turkish to the baby and me in Spanish? Or should we wait for him to acquire Turkish language skills when he starts education? 🙁

Lucia – Normally I recommend that parents speak their native language to their children because usually that is the language in which you’re able to express yourself most confidently and freely, including using baby talk, expressing affection, singing songs, providing correction, etc. The decision about the home language(s) must also be based on which languages you can actively support in terms of providing quality and quantity (consistent, regular) exposure and input. Lastly, you must consider which languages will your baby need in order to make strong connections with family members and culture/heritage on both sides? I explain this in more detail in my parent guide – “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

I’ve read your article and I agree with you view of the situation and actually that is what me and My wife have agreed to do long before reading this.

Our approach is that from the Home front door in we speak Spanish to our little girl (3,5 years). Outside the House and the occasion we have visitors we can either talk to her in spanish or english (depends on the situation, but normally we use Spanish).

Now my question to you is this because I’m not entirely sure if we are approaching the situation in the right way and your expert opinion will be a plus to help use define what we should do.

We talk to her in Spanish at home, but she replies in English most of the times (since she spends 8-9 hours in Nursery immerse in an english environment), we have taken the position to tell her, can you please repeat that in Spanish please. since we have noticed that english is her preferred language to speak.

when asked why she just says she is forgetting to talk in spanish.

is this a right approach? telling reminding her that at home we speak spanish and that she should do it to? (hence asking to repeat everything she says in spanish).

Your question is the question that many of us ask ourselves often, particularly when the community language is predominant! The short answer is that we continually maintain the need for and importance of the home language. While it’s okay to gently remind our children to speak the home language, we must value the message whether it’s in the home language or the community language. In other words, WHAT they say is more important than HOW they say it. If we constantly ask our kids to repeat themselves, what we’re perhaps communicating to them is that their message only matters if it’s in the home language. As an example, one simple way to “practice” home language use is through shared storybook reading. Read a favorite book in the home language. Then talk about the pictures in the home language. Then have your child retell the story in his/her own words in the home language. Or ask questions like “Who is the story about?” or “What happened in the story?” If your child struggles to find the words or has to say a word in English, prompt her indirectly, for example, she says “el dog estaba running” and you would affirm, “si, el PERRO estaba CORRIENDO” stressing the words she could not say in Spanish. Hope that makes sense!

I live in Mexico and have a 16 month old baby who speaks a lot of his own languange and many words in spanish.

My native language is English, my husbands is Spanish… but we speak to each other majority of the time in English. The baby we speak a mix of both, but he spends the weekdays with a nanny that only speaks in spanish.

How should we be communicating both languages to him? I feel like he already knows words in spanish so a lot of times we reinforce those instead of trying in english. Will he be confused if we constantly are telling him things in two separate languages? How should I go about this since he is still very young. Thanks

Linda – since the nanny is speaking in Spanish and you live in Mexico, your baby is probably getting quality and quantity Spanish input. I normally recommend that parents speak the language that comes most naturally to them, so I would recommend you speak in English to your baby, let daddy speak in Spanish, and continue to communicate with your husband in either English or Spanish, whatever feels most comfortable. The key is natural and quality interactions.

Hi Ana
Now we realize how important is the native language, we don’t know how to switch to it! Or at least help them understand the conversation.
We have 4 school-age children, they don’t understand when we talk in our language.
Do we say things in both languages! It’s hard to act like that the whole day.. Do we set certain time to do that? Any ideas on how to teach a second language I have kids from 6 to 16!!!
Thanks

R.E. – the best place to start will be to build their vocabulary first so that they’re able to pick up on meaning through context. In other words, they may not understand every word in a sentence, but if they understand 2 or 3, they may be able to catch the overall meaning of the sentence. To build vocabulary, I would start with storybooks for the younger kids (naming objects, people, actions) and an app like Duolingo (which is free) for the older kids, or colorful flash cards, flash card apps, etc. You can also incorporate times in your day of teaching/practicing new words, like at dinner time (teaching names for dishes, utensils, foods), or going to the zoo and teaching animal names, and so on. You can play games too, like bingo or “guess what I’m describing…” kinds of games to build vocabulary comprehension and naming. Hope this helps! My parent guide might be helpful to you – “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

I love you post. Thank you for sharing this with us!
I am a mother of a tri-lingual boy. I am German, my husband only speaks English. I have been shunned by some people in our neighborhood because I only speak German with my son.
But I have to say, it is amazing to see that my child is fully fluent in 3 languages at the age of 11. He is fluent in English, French and German. In addition, he also knows a good amount of Spanish. My son is proud of being multi-lingual.
All the effort, the odd looks by people have already paid off.
For people, who are not sure, whether they should use their native tongue to raise their children: YES, please give them the gift to connect with you home country, your relatives, culture and heritage. Please give your children the advantage to have options in their lives. It is proven that bilingualism expands the brain in many ways. It gives your children greater job opportunities. Babies are able to absorb and deal with multiple languages at once. They are very smart little individuals!

But is it that vital to make your children become completely bilingual at a young age? Now I’m not diminishing language learning because that should always definitely be encouraged, but I never understand the frustrations of getting your kids to talk in your native language. I for one believe it’s best for them to just use the language they prefer, while you continue to speak in your native language, and whenever visiting relatives or anyone in your native country MAKE SURE the kids have an amazing time. I also don’t believe that language barrier should be the be all end all because I’ve seen many people maintain close relations despite the language barrier and no knoweledge of that language. (Relationships really depend on mindset and respect, not what language you speak)

I have two daughters. I am Hispanic and while my husband and I speak Spanish an English at home, my daughters always spoke in English. We never forced them to watch or read Spanish/English movies/ books, or make them repeat what they said in English in Spanish, but we did have a lot of Spanish channels that was mostly for my husband and I to watch and of course have the Spanish culture in our house. When we went to South America initially, my daughters were still close to their cousins and grandparents, even though translations were needed, but it didn’t destroy the bond b/w them as relationships involve more than just language (though language is one of the easier ways). My older daughter now is near fluent in Spanish and reads and writes well because something sparked her to WANT TO LEARN IT. I guess it was because she elected Spanish a pre requisite to help her finish high school and she needed the credit. But I think after taking that course, she fell in love with the language that she later majored in Spanish and went on a study abroad trip for a few weeks. My other daughter can get by enough with her broken Spanish, but it does not bother me. She has respect for both American and Hispanic cultures and that’s more important. Her language skills or what language she chooses is of less irrelevance. I would just say go with the flow. I’ve seen many parents take the approach the wrong way where they force them to speak..etc, and it can backfire, especially if you leave a negative impression on them about your home country and culture. Go with the flow, let them speak the majority language, but I agree you should not stop speaking to them in your native tongue especially if it’s natural to you. Even if you do, it’s not the end of the world because you never know, they may have a desire later and will learn it. Anyone can learn any language at any age, even with no exposure during childhood. There are so many opportunities out there. So no need to rush. Have seen it first hand.

Teresa – In light of everything I shared, I always stress that although I believe language learning is important, it’s not more important than having healthy and loving relationships with our children. Language learning should never be a source of pressure, fear, shame, anxiety, embarrassment, anger, irritation, or disappointment. Language is about communication—interacting, engaging, and connecting with people—so it should be an experience that brings pleasure and joy in relationships.

Hello, I have just read you informative post, thank you. I am bilingual, Cantonese is my mother tongue, however since I moved to the UK 26 years ago, English is the language I use everyday & I am far more fluent in it. I also only ever learnt Cantonese at home, I was never schooled in it and so my language is somewhat limited ie. If I were to talk about science or history I would not know where to start. I can not read or write. I would like for my daughter who is 8 months to learn Cantonese as I feel it would be useful for her in future and my mum who is a native speaker will childmind Her & therefore teach her too. However am I doing her a dis-service as my language is sometimes basic & not clear? I feel my grammar is sometimes wrong as well. I will get a Cantonese tutor once I have regular income coming in again. Should I give up on teaching my daughter my first language because i speak English to a much higher level?

Martina – I apologize for a late response. Usually my recommendation is that parents should speak what they feel most confident and comfortable speaking to their children. However, if you’d like to introduce your daughter to Cantonese, maybe you could “relearn” some of the things you have forgotten and improve your own Cantonese language skills? You could start by introducing and reading storybooks to her in Cantonese, or singing children’s songs in Cantonese, etc. You can gradually increase your use of Cantonese with her in other situations if it feels comfortable to you. I address this and much more in my parent guide entitled “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism). Hope this helps!

my kids are dominated by English. they are 7 . about 1 year ago i noticed that my native language is deteriorating, we speak English as it is a common language between me and my husband. I am trying now to do more of my native language. Is it too late for 7 year old? is there effective way to boost the native language. I am focused with my 2 years old on my native language. Thanks a lot.

Dina – It is normal for a native language to weaken with less use, however, you can always brush up on your own language skills as you attempt to be more consistent in the native language input you provide to your children. With your 7-year-old, I believe the best place to start is to introduce and read storybooks to her in your native language, teach children’s songs, etc. and then gradually increase your use of the native language as it feels natural and comfortable to you. I share lots of tips on boosting the target language in my parent guide entitled “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

Hi!
I was raised bilingually (Swedish and English) and have now been living in Italy for over 10 years. I’m married to an Italian and we are expecting our first child in January. I have decided to speak Swedish to him and my husband (plus grandparents and the community will be speaking Italian). Here comes the dilemma : my husband and I currently communicate in English. Would the 3rd family language be too confusing? Would it take away precious exposure time to the other two? I would really like him to be fluent in English as well, but am unsure about the right way and time to include it.
Thank you so much in advance. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Camilla – Although I am trilingual, I have chosen to wait to introduce my third language to my children because I did not feel that I could provide them significant exposure and input in 3 languages. I know of many people, however, who have embraced trilingualism and have done well. Children are not generally “confused” by variable language input and do a pretty good job of differentiating the languages and speakers of those languages in their everyday environment. Even if you and your husband speak English to each other, it’s possible for you to still interact with your child only in Swedish and your husband only in Italian. Because Italian is the majority language, you’ll have to double your efforts in Swedish since that language input will be much less in comparison to the Italian language input your child will receive.

Definitely speak to your kids in whatever many languages you want. They are very young and will absorb the languages better than if they are older when their brains are not much sponges anymore. Speak in Swedish and English otherwise I am pretty sure Italian schools teach English classes so in this case you should not worry and speak Swedish.

I’m an expectant mom of twin girls and my husband and I have been hashing it out about whether to teach our girls English first or combine English and Arabic. We are both Egyptian. I was born and raised in the U.S. by parents who only spoke Arabic at home but I had older siblings who spoke only English and, by default, I spoke English before arabic although I understand arabic well. I learned to speak and read and write arabic at around 19 and I’d by lying if I said I was fluent, I’m proficient. My husband on the other hand was born and raised in Egypt and his first language is arabic, it comes as naturally to him as English does to me. He wants our kids to speak only arabic at home but I am afraid that I will rob them of a high quality language experience given the fact that my arabic is imperfect and I am not necessarily able to express myself efficiently express myself. My suggestion is that I speak arabic as far as much as I can without compromising complete expression of language and keep English in the mix while he speaks only arabic. He’s worried that because I will spend the majority of the time with them that it won’t be enough for them to speak arabic fluently. Any suggestions?

Sara – I normally recommend that parents should speak the language they feel most confident and comfortable speaking so that rich language input can be provided as naturally as possible. It’s very feasible for you to be the primary source of English language input and for your husband to be the primary source of Arabic language input, and to make the exposure and input more even, you can find other opportunities to expose your daughters to Arabic through family members, outings, storybooks, children’s songs, etc. I share more specific tips in my parent guide entitled “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

How do you teach your native language when your child refuses to learn it or more to listen to it (putting hands on the ears) ?
She is 4.5yo and in all honestly i gave up speaking my native language at home. She says she hates french (that includes french people, france etc)
I have try a lot of thing but at each time she says stop speaking french. I understand it is not up to her to decide but how do you do when you are facing a full objection.
I tool her on a trip to France for 1 month and it was a nightmare.
She seems to understand some of most of it even though she says she doesn’t.
What should i do to give her the interest in learning?
Thanks

Helene – Honestly I’m not sure if I have the answers you are seeking, but first I would say, with my children, I have spoken to them in Portuguese from birth so they know nothing else. They of course know I also speak English because my husband is an English speaker, but “protesting” has never occurred in our home because Portuguese input is all they’ve ever known. They may sometimes ask, “Mommy, can you say that in English?” when maybe I’m using more complex vocabulary they are not as familiar with, but that just signals to me that I need to give them more context, or more visuals, or more clues (I have to be very purposeful about this).

The bottom line is, I have never stopped speaking to them in Portuguese even when I have felt it would be easier to speak English. I’ve also had tremendous support and encouragement from my husband. If I was in your position, I would for sure not react negatively to my children’s objections, I would just patiently continue doing the thing I’ve always done. Your daughter may object for a time, but if you are consistent and patient as you provide her rich and constant French input, I believe she’ll slowly adapt and realize that’s your “normal.”

We recently went to Brazil for a month, and our experience was the very opposite of yours…our children were thrilled to be able to immediately integrate into the environment and communicate with their cousins, for example. They were even translating for my husband. Are you able to pinpoint where your daughter’s “hatred of everything French” originated? If you can identify the source, maybe that will help you be able to slowly change her perception as you introduce and maintain French in a way that captivates her. Would storybooks or shows in French potentially spark her interest, such as Caillou?

You might also find my parent guide helpful, entitled “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism). Lastly, I offer a collection of 12 engaging storybooks that are leveled (for different ages and language ability), and the French translations will be out soon! If you’re interested in those, please contact me directly via the “Contact Us” page on my website.

We live in a former French colony with about 2% non-frenchies. All teachers here indeed tell all non-french parents to stop speaking the native language at home, so that confusion is not created, so that language delays won’t occur, so that children can do well in school; actually exactly what you write in your article. I am disappointed that they are not up to date with relevant literature and even though I explained why a kid will benefit from being bi-or trilingual, it is as if they don’t want to understand. As they tend not to speak any other language than French, I was wondering: this research literature (that says the exact opposite), would that be available in French? And if so, could you please hyperlink the article(s) in your comment?
Many thanks in advance,
Janneke

Janneke – Unfortunately there is much misinformation out there that is still propagated! The only possible articles I know of that are available in French are ones by François Grosjean – http://www.francoisgrosjean.ch/

Hello… I absolutely agree with u Mam…our native language is Marathi…an Indian language…in which we communicate daily…both my daughters elder is 11 years old and younger one is 6 yrs old…fluent in Marathi…and learn in english medium school…they understand good english …can communicate in both language plus Hindi ,our national language…definitely speaking in mother tongue…reading in it…seeing movies in marathi has helped them to understand the world around them..understand the studies well…off course its advantage that we live in India where these 2-3 languages are spoken by everybody daily..so my suggestion will be that speak mother tongue with kids..they will have a good sense of belonging

Hello, First thanks for your instructions. I have a son who is 18 months,I am speaking him second language (English) Our native language is Turkish. Is it early or should I go 0n speaking English? Thank you

Tuba – I normally recommend that parents should speak the language they feel most confident and comfortable speaking so that rich language input can be provided as naturally as possible. If you feel fully confident and competent in your English language skills, especially to communicate your heart fully to your children, to instruct, to correct, etc., then I see no harm in continuing in English. I share more specific tips in my parent guide entitled “Practical Bilingualism: A Concise and Simple Guide for Parents Raising Bilingual Children” (available at http://thespeechstop.com/index.php?page=bilingualism).

It is the natural thing to do. Also, it is free college education. The problem is that sometimes the parents want to blend in. Do remember, speak one or the other, not both at the same time, Spanglish is not a language.

Hi, what a great article!!!!!!
I would really like your input….I speak Spanish, my husband english (doesn’t know any spanish) and we live in USA.
I speak to my son in Spanish. He is 2.5 years old. So far, he is doing good with both languages, but, I feel I am leaving my husband out of the conversation when I speak to my son in spanish so, I find myself speaking to my son in english except for when we are just the two of us. What would you suggest me to do???
Thank you!!!!

The idea that there are people who purposely don’t talk to their children in their native language is just crazy to me! Obviously you should teach them English as well if you live in an English-speaking country, but don’t neglect your native language.

Thanks for these great thoughts! I raise a 1 year old child and recently started reflecting a lot on that topic. The only problem for us is that I am Ukrainian that is bilingual (my mother speaks only Ukrainian and my dad speaks only Russian). My husband is Lebanese (in their society they have 3 languages: French, Arabic and English as official languages of the country). At home we speak English as that is the only language we both understand. So basically our child is so far exposed to Russian when I’m alone with her, English when we are all together at home so my husband can understand what I speak to her and Arabic as it is the main language her Lebanese grandparents speak. I used to speak Russian to my baby all the time and then discovered that she started getting frustrated when she would use some Russian words to kids in the playground and they don’t understand her. Plus kids go to school at 3 here and are expected to know both Arabic and English as all the school program is in English. I’m now confused if I should continue just speaking Russian when she needs English for school or she will pick up English from conversations between me and my husband as she will need it for her school very soon. And then as I understand Ukrainian will be lost as my daughter sees my mom only once a month on skype for few minutes so it won’t be enough and I can’t make her exposed to both of my native languages when she has so many others to learn

Obviously your daughter needs to know that there most likely not be many Russians at all in Lebanon. Other than that keep speaking to her in Russian as she is Russian from you. She will be growing and learning and knowing many languages will help her better in studying in school. So definitely encourage her to know Russian, Arabic and whatever other language.

Thank you for this great article. I have a question.. I have always translated the books to my little girl since she was 2 months (english to portuguese) now is 2.5 and I’m worried that she will get confused when she starts to read. As she see the words in english and listen it in portuguese? I have books in portuguese, which I read to her , but she has books in English that she adores and always ask me to read them.
Thank very much!

My husband and I wanted this from the beginning before we had children. That they will grow up in a multi lingual environment. Tagalog is my first language and my husband is English (American) and some conversational Spanish. But, it is not happening that way. My children spent some 4 months in the Philippines when we took vacation there and picked up on the community language very fast. But now that we are back in the US, they’ve forgotten some words and I just simply didn’t really followed-up. They are pre-k and 1st grader. I am teaching them few words daily but is it too late for them?

Brilliant piece! I couldn’t agree more given the issues facing Nigerian languages today. In a country with over 500 native languages, one of the contributing factors to their decline remains the argument by many parents that raising a child in a native language has a negative effect on his or her understanding of our common language, English. I disagree with this on the basis of how I along with these generation of parents were raised. Many of us were raised in our native languages but there’s been a steady shift in the 90s that has seen our native languages relegated to the background. What I find ironic is how well these same parents who understand and communicate fluently in their native languages fail to see the value in getting their kids to learn same. So much that they frown on these native languages and attribute it to some form of backwardness. My late grandmother in fact had a rule of tongue which was that a child had to get started and grounded in a native language because he or she would in turn pick up other languages especially English which is my country’s common language.
Thanks for reinforcing my view.

dear Ana, great topic – and thank you for the continuous answering of all those interesting questions.
we’re about to become parents. my husband and I both grew up and are bilingual – but with 4 different languages in total (swiss german/greek and french/spanish) (together we communicate in english – a language I’m not worried about, relying on media and later school). the community language around us is swiss german.
the temptation – and natural choice for both of us – would be to use both our respective 2 languages with the kid (as the mono-lingual grandparents are not within reach, skype and non-frequent visits). but literature seems to suggest the one-language-per-person-model.
…confusing dilemma! :-/

My wife is French and I am Irish. We live in Spain with our three children ages 3, 6 and 8. My wife speaks to the kids in French, I speak to them in English and they speak Spanish with their friends. They are trilingual. The two oldest kids are also in their third year of studying Mandarin with a Chinese teacher who lives here.

We are considering moving to France. If we move to France we are wondering if the kids will maintain their fluency in Spanish for the rest of their lives.

Specifically, our question is: Until what age must the children live in Spain to guarantee a lifetime of fluency in Spanish?

Hi,
I speak English as a first language and Malay as a second. I also self study Japanese as third. Yet, neither is my native language AKA Dusun.
I’ve only started encouraging myself to use my native language with my parents this year. Thing is, I couldn’t even believe that the time it took for me to grasp the basics of Dusun was significantly less than the time it took for me to do the same for Japanese. I used a whole bunch of Japanese books, videos, music etc. yet by only speaking a few Dusun phrases with my parents (who I usually speak English and Malay with) I am already able to create compound sentences with minor mistakes.
Would anyone care to explain this I-can-learn-my-native-language-faster-than-other-languages phenomenon to me? Thanks!

Extras:
– I was raised with high English+American influence. This is my first language.
– I couldn’t speak Malay until I reached elementary. This is my second.

I totally concur with this idea.. I am from India and I speak about 5-6 languages.. I have made sure that my kids 13 and 3 are well versed and speak in 3+ languages apart from English.. my older one is getting proficient at Spanish that she is learning at school..
Apart from being multilingual, this also creates the need or curiosity in children to know more about the various folk tales which teach loads of values..
They learn to appreciate and develop tolerance and respect for all..

Hello 🙂
My name is Ceren and I live in Australia with my husband who is Australian. We have a 7 month old baby girl her name is Mila.
I talk exclusively Turkish with her all the time however the tv kids shows are in English. Would it confuse her in future?.I try to explain some of the things in Turkish when an English word comes up etc.
and also my husband works 4 months on and off so I am with Mila all the time thus speaking Turkish so when my husband comes I switch to English and /or mix..is this the right way ?
thank you so much in advance

Hi Ceren,
My recommendation is keep speaking Turkish with your child as much as you can during your daily life “forever”! I’m Turkish from Turkey living in Bulgaria and married to a Bulgarian. I have two excellent multilingual daugthers. Now in their 14/and/16 years-old ages, they speak Turkish, Bulgarian, Russian and English in prefeciency. Since they were born, me and my husband expressed ourselvies in our own native languages. Seeing them growing with two languages were great!
Your child will manage to learn to use the two languages. You will always be beside her in this journey, when ever she needs you!
Don’t miss the change to teach her one of the most difficult languages like Turkish in her early life. The good thing is that, she even won’t feel it, while she learn it! Believe me, bilingial children are blessed by the God. They are always richer than the other children! Başaracaksınız, korkmayın! İyi şanslar!

I find it difficult since my husband speaks English and I often use this language to make sure we are not leaving him out when together. My son is 4 right now. I read to him a lot in Polish, but find myself communicating with him daily in English. Any tips how I can slowly change approach and speak more of my own native language. He uses English as primary.

I’m from India and I have a question, in case there are any specialists here. My native language is Gujarati, while my husband’s is Bengali. We live in Kolkata (Calcutta) where the spoken language is Bengali. About 16 months back, we adopted a 3 1/2 year old little girl. When she came home, she didn’t have much vocabulary, but she had spent the initial years in the institution in a Bengali-speaking environment and it was the language she understood best. As of now, at 4 1/2 years of age, she speaks almost-fluent Bengali, because my husband, his mom, and all the people around her speak the language. She also understands and speaks a bit of English from school. I have no issues with this, but I wonder when and how to get her to understand and speak Gujarati as well, since I’m in a minority in an entirely Bengali-speaking surrounding. I want her to learn her mom’s (ie mine) native language as well as her dad’s. How do I go about this? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Anita

I did not speak to my kids in my native language. I also thought it would be difficult for them in primary school. Aso some politicians and newspapers, pandits were saying we have to assimilate to the society we are living in so don’t speak native language to the kids at home. I kind of foolishly believed that by not speaking native language I would help my kids to better integrate. Now I am regretting that decision. My kids are now teenagers (of 15 and 14). Can I still go on and talk to them in native language?

I am from Sri Lanka. I have a two years old son. He was late to talk. But now he is ok, cz i took him to a speech therapist . She advised me to speak in one language as we used both English and Sinhala. But from maternity i spoke to him in English as I can speak. But all my parents and relatives speak Sinhala. According to the doctor we thought to speak Sinhala cz we wanted to let him talk first. And later Doctor said to send him to a preschool. So we send him from March 2016 which is an English Montessori. At that moment he speaks only 10 -20 words like “Amma, Appachchi, mama, etc. But i came to know that he can speak some English words, that he tried to pronounce simple words like come , go etc. And I always sing songs and rhymes, tell stories.By the way suddenly he speaks in English better than Sinhala. Now Myself and my husband speak in English, but our parents and others speak Sinhala. He know the different of the two languages so sometimes he say the both words. Now he knows to count from 1-10 ,10-1 and ten times like ten ,twenty up to hundred; know all the colours, shapes including hexagon and pentagon, he can name all the vehicles, fruits , vegetables, etc. He himself ask questions from us and answer himself. For an example; What’s that colour? It’s red. So i just want to know is this method correct? Should i continue with this or do i have to change it?

I am from Sri Lanka. I have a two years old son. He was late to talk. But now he is ok, cz i took him to a speech therapist . She advised me to speak in one language as we used both English and Sinhala. But from maternity i spoke to him in English as I can speak. But all my parents and relatives speak Sinhala. According to the doctor we thought to speak Sinhala cz we wanted to let him talk first. And later Doctor said to send him to a preschool. So we send him from March 2016 which is an English Montessori. At that moment he speaks only 10 -20 words like “Amma, Appachchi, mama, etc. But i came to know that he can speak some English words, that he tried to pronounce simple words like come , go etc. And I always sing songs and rhymes, tell stories.By the way suddenly he speaks in English better than SinhalaNow Myself and my husband speak in English, but our parents and others speak Sinhala. He know the different of the two languages so sometimes he say the both words. So i just want to know is this method correct? Should i continue with this or do i have to change it?

I’m a Venezuelan translator living in Switzerland for the past 7 years and this question has always been in my mind. What language should I teach my future children? My partner is Swiss, so her mother tongue is French.

I am an English dad with a Swiss/German mother living in Australia. I do not speak Swiss German or German although I understand some.

My partner mostly speaks Swiss German to our daughter (nearly 2). Swiss German isn’t actually an official language. I am finding it very difficult to be kept out of conversations. I would really prefer she speaks to her in Swiss German when I am not there, because when I am there it just appears that dad doest like to communicate or have input. It especially hurts me around dinner time

I believe my partner would even go as far as to tell people our daughters 1st language is Swiss German. It bothers me that my own daughter’s 1st language is a language I do not understand.

My partner is fluent in English. I have no problem at all with my daughter being fluent in another language I think this is fabulous and I want her to learn her mother tongue, but my partner has always been quite bad for excluding me from conversations & interactions with friends & family who speak swiss & English. In a lot of instances the friend who is Swiss tries to speak to me in English & my partner will cut in with Swiss & force me out of conversations. I 100% expect her to do this with my daughter as well.

I have always been punished for not learning or attempting to learn the language. I know it would be a great option but it is also my choice. I am 35 and have never known another language and see it as an almost impossible feat.

I’m not sure how many times I can ask my partner to speak English to my daughter when I am there, she agrees but never does it because she 100% wants to do it her way only

Hello,
I am so glad I came across this article. My first language is Spanish, I have a 5 year old daughter and I want to try my best to teach her Spanish. I have always talked to her in Spanish but I guess I’m not consistent with it her father is American and most of my family are not in the states so most of her interactions are always in English. She has that desire to learn and I just dont seem to know exactly where to even start to help here understand more, please help. She loves books and loves to watch learning videos, are they any of those items I can also look into, please help thank you.

Hello. I’m a bit confused…I’m Italian, my husband is Welsh and we live in Madrid. I’m fluent in English and Spanish but my husband speaks just English so our “home language” is English and our friends are manly English speakers. Here are two question:
1 What language should we use with our daughter at home? We want her to be fluent in English and Italian otherwise she won’t be able to comunicate with our families. At the same time I dont want her to be excluded from the Spanish environment.
2 What about nursery or school, should we send her to an Italian, English or Spanish nurersy/school.

Hello,
I have a more complicated situation. My daughter was born in the US, I am Israeli (speak Hebrew) and her father is Greek (speaks Greek), we speak English with each other. We started each speaking with her in our mother tongues, thinking she will pick up English from the environment and from us speaking with each other.
However, we moved to Italy when she was 4 months old. We continued speaking mainly Hebrew and Greek with her, but when the three of us are together we would sometimes switch to or translate into English, and we would occasionally read her books in English instead of Hebrew or Greek. She learned Italian at her daycare, which she started at 10 months, and I can tell she understands when spoken to in Italian. The few words she says that I can decipher are either in Hebrew or Italian.
Now, at 16 months, we moved to Israel, and I am a little confused as to how to continue. My husband isn’t with us full-time, as he still works in Italy. Now that I am confident that she will know Hebrew from the environment I think I would like to switch to English with her, so that she can communicate with both of us and the rest of the extended family, even if her Greek suffers from not spending time with her father. Also, English would be our “household language” and is of course a good language to know. However, I find it difficult to switch now. I feel it doesn’t come as naturally to me. Even though I always sang her songs and read her books in English too, and I have a lot of childhood memories in English as well because I moved to the US when I was 4 until I was 8, we have a lot of little ceremonies we do which are already in Hebrew, and I feel that she doesn’t understand me as well in English. I was wondering what you would suggest? How to make this transition?
Thank you,
Ayah

Benefits of Bilingualism
1. It increases creativity
2. It strengthens problem-solving ability
3. It increases brain activity- by the language switching mechanism
According to language researchers, Monolinguals use only 20% of their brain
Bilinguals do better in many kinds of tests. From 2008 to 2015, almost 100% Spelling Bee (USA) winners have been bilingual kids
4. It makes easy to learn a third language, as once you learn a second language, you become aware of grammar and language structures
5. It creates respect for different languages and cultures. It makes cross-cultural communication easy
6. It increases your marketability in the job market

In the fast shrinking world, it is not good to be a monolingual. You should try to be a bilingual or even a trilingual. More languages you know, better it is for you.
Please read the following articles (Google):
• Kids Who Speak Mandarin or Punjabi Will Have An Edge In The World Economy, Education Official Says-Janet Steffenhagen Vancouver Sun
• Why Bilinguals Are Smarter-Yudhijit Bhattacharjee, The New York Times
• Your Mind on Language: How Bilingualism Boosts Your Brain-Dan Roitman
• Bilingualism Boosts the Brain at all ages-CBC News
Find Punjabi learning materials at http://www.PunjabiTutor.com

Help! We are a binational couple that acquired each others’ language at medium/perfect level. We live in a third country where we have poor/medium language skills. Plus we both speak perfect english (lived in UK/USA several years).
We are open to bi-/trilingual children. However, my husband wants to “teach” english instead of his native language, which I learned. He speaks his native language every day and owns a house in that country! But he says english is too important and can’t wait until kindergarden. He feels his native language were unimportant (only used by 6 million people who are all capable of speaking english). I see the loss this would mean for our children. But he can’t seem to see that. Please help. The kids will be travelling a lot, but UK/USA obly once every 2-3 years. I am willing to find a win-win solution with my husband. But I don’t want to focus the child just on languages at the cost of more important skills, experiences and development

I have a 16 month old son who only utters dada and mommy…we speak tagalog to him…but there are not many good books in our native language…is it ok to read english books to him? He understands our language he just doesn’t speak it yet…

Hello! I enjoyed reading your article. I am wondering if there is research to support your recommendation for why parents should use their native language to communicate with their children at home. I am a speech-language pathologist and I would like to recommend that a client of mine uses her native language with her daughter and I would like to back up my recommendation with a research article. If you can point me in the right direction that would be fantastic!
Thanks, Shaina

Hello, I am multilingual. My mother tongue is Spanish. I am married to a French. And we lived in the US at the beginning, then in China and Thailand. At home, it became easier to only speak English. And education for the kids has always been in English. I did not spoke on n spanish at all. Now we moved to France and my kids are learning French. They are getting it. But I realized that I did a mistake by not speaking in Spanish to my kids. Now my oldest is 8, and the younger is 5. What should I do? Is there any hope my kids could learn Spanish if I start speaking it to them?

My husband and I just adopted a Spanish-speaking 4 year old. Although we speak French and English between us, we spent a few months learning Spanish to be able to understand our daughter. Our Spanish is not very good but we would like to learn and to encourage our daughter to continue speaking this very common language. We live in Paris with Spanish speaking friends and family, so this shouldn’t be too difficult, although we do not want to complicate the process of learning French. In addition, and this is my question for the forum, I am wondering when can I introduce English? Should we focus all of our attention on transitioning from Spanish to French, with the idea of waiting 6 months or a year before beginning English?

Id Say speak native language! This will make it easier to communicate in long run. It is difficult switching language once you start. Maybe speak a sentence of Spanish here and there to make sure she knows that you understand her. Good luck.

Hi I’ve been speaking Hebrew to my kids (age 2 and 4) since they were born. I was brought up bilingual but my English is better. I spoke Hebrew in order to give them a second language but I worry that this has made communication difficult because I often don’t know the right word or grammar. It was okay when we were in England because I didn’t worry about making mistakes.
But now we moved to Israel I feel like the Hebrew I’m giving them is probably not helping them (I get grammar wrong quite a bit and that probably confuses them). Also my husband speaks to them in English.
I would like to switch to English now but I want to know if this is the right thing for them.
Any advice appreciated.
Thanks