Saturday, May 17, 2014

Saturday Night Live will be at its best tonight, because Andy Samberg is back to host the show! Hopefully he's got his The Lonely Island partners, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone, and the Brooklyn Nine-Nine cast on speed dial. Unfortunately, we won't see Justin Timberlake. Andy has already told Access Hollywood that JT is currently in Russia.

Here are Andy's promos with Kenan Thompson.

St. Vincent is the musical guest. Here are her promos with Andy and Aidy Bryant.

Andy performed on SNL from 2005-2013 and briefly returned earlier this year as part of his friend Seth Meyers'SNL farewell. This will be his first time hosting (and I'm sure it won't be his last.)

Friday, May 16, 2014

This fall, FOX is moving Brooklyn Nine-Nine to Sundays. Are they giving up on our Golden Globe-winning, best new comedy already? Stay positive, Brooklyn99ers! Since American Dad is moving to TBS this fall, FOX is hoping that football and Bob's Burgers/Simpsons fans will provide Brooklyn99 with a boost in ratings. This schedule may seem unusual, but this worked for Married with Children, which lasted eleven seasons (ten of which aired on Sundays).

We don't have a premiere date yet, but this is how Sunday's schedule will look:

FOX's Sunday Night TV Schedule

7:00/6:00c - NFL on Fox

7:30/6:30c - Bob's Burgers

8:00/7:00c - The Simpsons

8:30/7:30c - Brooklyn Nine-Nine

9:00/8:00c - Family Guy

9:30/8:30c - Mulaney

The other new addition to the Sunday night line-up, Mulaney is a sitcom about John Mulaney's life as a stand-up comic. FYI - Mulaney and Bill Hader created the very popular Saturday Night Live character Stefon.

The real question is whether Brooklyn Nine-Nine will do better against this new competition. Let's take a look:

Sunday Night TV Showdown:

Sunday Night Football (NBC) - Clearly FOX believes football fans will also be fans of the show, so if you are watching the game on NBC, make sure you DVR/Hulu/Fox.com Brooklyn Nine-Nine within three days of airing. This helps the C3 ratings and keeps our show on the air!

Once Upon a Time (ABC) - This will be their fourth season, and though the spin-off, Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, didn't last, this show seems to still be going strong. I don't follow Once anymore, but I'm guessing we have some crossover audience.

Madam Secretary (CBS) - This is a new show starring "a hot cup of Téa Leoni" as a newly appointed Secretary of State following her predecessor's questionable death. Now I'm not saying don't watch this show, but if you have to pick one...

In other news, you can already place a pre-order for Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 1 DVDs! With this cast, we are guaranteed hilarious outtakes and extras. The release date is still TBD.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Terry Crews is taking over television, and no one deserves it more than The Ebony Falcon! He has proven to be a fantastic actor, dancer and TV personality, as well as a hilarious and upstanding gentleman, so it's exciting to hear that he is the new host for Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Well, as long as this doesn't affect filming Brooklyn Nine-Nine, because we love Sgt. Terry Jeffords!

Terry will begin hosting the daytime show in the fall, and I'm betting that if it is a big success, we'll see a special run during primetime (where it originally premiered in 1999 with host Regis Philbin). The daytime version was launched in 2002 with Meredith Vieira, and the hosting gig became available when Cedric the Entertainer recently announced that he would be leaving the show after one season.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Memorable Moments:

Scully: Kelly and I hit the park, went for a long walk. Fell asleep watching TV.Peralta: Oh. Sounds like a fun weekend with Kelly. So, Kelly. Is that Scully's wife or his dog? Uh...wait. No one knows Scully's wife's name?

Santiago: I think Kelly is his dog. Went for a long walk. That's what you do with a dog.Boyle: You can go on a long walk with a person. At sunset. Talking about nothing. And everything.Diaz: Sounds awful. Hit the park. That's a dog.Terry: My wife takes the babies to the park all the time.

Let's play...WIFE or DOG!

Peralta: Alright, we're doing this. Let's play "Wife or Dog." Hey, so Scully, what do you do at the park with Kelly?Scully: Oh, we just walk around. She gets antsy if she doesn't get outside enough. And then it's just yap, yap, yap, all day long.

Boyle: Hey, what's Kelly's favorite food?Scully: Peanut butter! She'll eat it right out of the jar.Terry: How old is Kelly again?Scully: Well, she's getting up there, but she's pretty spry for her
age. Especially considering she got hit by that car a year ago.Peralta: Oh, that's so awful. Was she chasing something into the street, or...Scully: No, just getting me the newspaper.Peralta: All right, this is useless. Scully, is Kelly your wife or your dog?Scully: How can you ask me that?Peralta: I still don't know which it is.

Peralta: We believe that Jacoby can link us to the distributors, but he only talks to trainers and other muscle heads. So we want to bring in the sarge. His name will be Trent Carter, a personal trainer, bouncer, and assistant manager at PetSmart. It's the economy. What can you do?Capt. Holt: Gentlemen, have a seat. Sergeant Jeffords is just getting back in the field. What if he panics again?Peralta: Why is everyone so worried about the sarge? I mean, he saved your life at the rail yard.Capt. Holt: Okay. It's your case. But if anything goes wrong, it's on you.Peralta: Trust me, the sergeant will be fine. If you want to worry about anyone panicking in the field, it should be Boyle.Boyle: Damn straight. Wait, why'd high five that?

Gina: Captain, I need a favor. My apartment got broken into last night.Capt. Holt: Gina, that's terrible. Are you okay?Gina: I'm fine, but I suffered the loss of many treasured items. Such as my grandma's jewelry, some cash, and this very fancy gown with, like, a magic eye print. Do you have any connections in the FBI or CIA? There's no one else I can turn to to solve this crime.Capt. Holt: Gina, you work in a police precinct. You can turn to anyone here.Gina: You think these buffoons can help? They're buffoons. [Brooklyn99Insider: I love this build on what Gina said in "The Vulture" episode.]Capt. Holt: They are not buffoons.Scully: Try the heel. Still don't feel anything.

Hitchcock: Awesome! I wish I had nerve damage.Capt. Holt: Some of them are buffoons. But I'll find the non-buffoons to investigate. Could you ask Scully to return my thumbtacks?

Gina: I already put 'em in a biohazard bag and tossed 'em in the furnace.

Terry: I just need to put my precious babies to bed with a story. The Ebony Falcon needs to read Go, Dog. Go!Peralta: Yeah, he does. Terry Jeffords is back! Chest bump me.Terry: You don't want to do this, man.

Peralta: No, I really do.Terry: It hurts you every time.Peralta: No, I know, but I'm fired up. The adrenaline is gonna carry me through. Here we go.

Diaz: They cost $8. You have a fur bedspread.Santiago: Why do you have so many lycra bodysuits? And why do you need eight full drawers of underwear?Gina: Because I'm civilized. Less talky-talk, more solvey-solve.

Capt. Holt: One hundred and sixty dollars in cash, one TV, one large painting of a naked lady on
a lion, one set of Joseph Gordon-Levitt nesting dolls...Gina: Homemade and irreplaceable.Capt. Holt: One music box that plays “She Works Hard for the Money” when
opened. One knockoff designer clutch--

Boyle: Hi, Cagney. Hi, Lacey.
Peralta: Hey, your kids like the same kind of cereal as me.Terry: Well, we just finished story time. I'm gonna kiss the girls night-night, then we can get down to
business. All right, time for night-night, girls.

Brooklyn99Insider: I loved seeing Terry's princess castle in the background of this scene - a lovely tie-in from "The Slump" episode. And I just learned that it is the Disney Princess Castle (wheels not included). ;)

Boyle: He is so strong but so gentle. He's like an enormous, muscular Ellen DeGeneres.Terry: You know, I just want to let you guys know that I love you
girls so, so much. Okay? So sleep tight. You know, daddy will never leave you, right, girls? *sings* Rock-a-bye baby...Boyle: Gosh. Really makes you understand what he went through.Peralta: I'm worried about Terry. We can't let anything bad happen to him.

Boyle: Oh...this is a classy teepee. Should we get these instead of desks at work? [Brooklyn99Insider: Guess what else I found on Amazon? The Canvas Teepee they use in this scene! Pretty sure I need one of these; it's the ideal place to rewatch the show...]

Peralta: Look, I thought he was a weirdo for having his year-long freak-out,
but I get it now. He has children. What happens to them if he gets hurt? I'll
have to take care of them.

Boyle: Or his wife or other family or his more mature friends, but
interesting point. Why is this just hitting you now?

Peralta: I don't know, I guess I just hadn't seen his kids in so long.
He never takes them around the precinct for some reason. Because of all the guns and danger!Boyle: If you have concerns, maybe you should talk to Terry about
it.Peralta: No, and you can't either. If he finds out we're worried about him, it'll get in his
head and freak him out. He'll lose his edge and panic.Boyle: Yeah, that's why I've never tried to develop an edge. You
can't lose what you don't have. No surprises.Terry: What are you guys talking about?Peralta: Work.Boyle: International taxes and tariffs. ...Work.

Peralta: Well, I say we slow-play it. You know? Do a little more setup, a little surveillance, wait a couple months and see if they turn themselves in.Terry: Listen, man, I know everybody's worried about me being psychologically ready for this. But I promise you I am. No matter what happens, no matter how many bullets are flying, I'm gonna be right there in the middle of everything. I got your back.Peralta: No, it's not even that, you know, it's just... Well, frankly, I'm not so sure that everyone at the gym is gonna buy you as a trainer. You've been sitting behind that desk for so long you've gotten a little tubby. Right? It's like, love handle alert! Do you have a bone there somehow?Terry: Jake, I promise. I'm good. Oops. I gotta put this stuffed giraffe between my two girls. They both like to snuggle against his head. Here comes Mr. Snuggles. Here comes Mr. Snuggles.

Diaz: Crime tech report from your apartment came back. Apparently they found a strand of hair belonging to Mario Lopez.Gina: I bought a lock of his hair at an auction. That's cool it's real. ... So what do we do next? Do I just look for another apartment? Should I buy a handgun? Should I buy a shotgun? Should I buy an uzi?Santiago: Look, Gina, we've done all we can. This is how it goes with most B&Es.Gina: Mm. Alright. C'est la vie. Let me grab your badge numbers. Cause I will be filing an official civilian complaint with the captain.

Capt. Holt: Why did I just receive a civilian complaint about you two? [Brooklyn99Insider: Check out this fantastic Santiago and Diaz montage explaining it.]Santiago: I can answer this. Because your assistant is a goblin.Diaz: Captain, we swept the scene, ran the prints, canvassed the building. We followed procedure.Gina: "Procedure" is just a fancy word for proper order
to do things.

Capt. Holt: Yes, that is its definition.Gina: This is a miscarriage of justice. I'm gonna haunt your dreams.

Terry: You sure you can lift this much weight?Peralta: Are you kidding me? I was the strongest kid in my camp seven summers in a row. It would've been eight if that freak Rebecca Lobelman hadn't showed up. Let's put in work. And here we go. One...and I'm done. That's it. Oh, good rep. Don't wanna get too bulky.Boyle: Two things. First, this gym's wipe-down policy is criminally
lax. So I rewrote it. Second, I lowered the temperature of the water fountain by
two degrees. Still waiting on feedback, but I see a lot of refreshed faces. Also
Brandon Jacoby should be here soon.Peralta: How was that not one of your two things?

Peralta: You know the best way to deal with psychos - the silent treatment. We should draw him out by not
engaging.

Peralta: Okay, but just remember. You're not Terry; you're Trent. Trainer and known hemophiliac, so be careful. Trent is also a Quaker who avoids violence at all costs.

Jacoby: You Trent?Terry: Yup. A black Trent. One of many.

Older Gym Rat: Hold on. I'm on my last set. One... Two... Three...Peralta: Can you go any faster? I mean, what do you need leg muscles for anyway? You're, like, a hundred years old. Socially acceptable for you to roll around on a scooter.Gym Rat: I lost the count. One.Peralta: One!? Come on, you're not even moving. Let's go.Gym Rat: Get your hands off me! I've heard about this in the news! You're cyber-bullying me! I'm getting the manager! Get the hell away from me!Peralta: No, you're very misinformed. Please don't... Damn it.

Peralta: Hey. Have you seen Terry? I lost him. His children could be orphans already. Fatherless, mother-having orphans.Boyle: I'm sure he's fine. I think the bigger issue is the complaint I received from an older gentleman saying you tried to hurry him off his machine, in open defiance of gym protocol.Peralta: Don't do this.Boyle: I know we're friends, but if you do that again, I'm gonna have to suspend your membership.Peralta: What have you become?Boyle: Me. I've become me.

Terry: You know, he's a mean dude, but I think I'm making progress. He asked to borrow my squat belt, I told him no, he respected that.

Jacoby: I work out there too. Never heard of any Trent.Terry: I don't know why. I work out there all the time.Jacoby: Really? Starting when?Peralta: NYPD, hands on your head! My God, you're gigantic.Terry: What are you doing, Peralta? You just blew my cover!Peralta: Or did I save your life?Terry: Or did you compromise an investigation and piss off a superior officer?Peralta: I'm sensing from your tone it's that one.

Santiago: Gina came by my house last night to go over the case. Between us doing that and her using my bread maker all
night, I didn't get much sleep. I will say she makes a wonderful rye. So dense, yet so moist.Gina: Hello, ladies! Since you have allowed crime to win, I've hired a private investigator to solve my case. Say hello to Leo Sporm.Diaz: A P.I.? These guys are hacks. Sporm: How do you know if your husband's a murderer? You don't.

Capt. Holt: Everyone knows him. The Picasso of hucksters.Sporm: I like that. *writes down "Look up who Picasso is."*

Peralta: I'm sorry I got jumpy. I wasn't thinking straight. It was all the exercise. The blood from my head rushed into my delts.Terry: Point to your delts, Jake.Peralta: There is...

Peralta: Hey, tell me about that new system you set up at the gym for
scheduling appointments.Boyle: I've been waiting so long to hear you say those words. Come
with me. Experience the future of cloud-based scheduling.

Boyle: I put all the trainers' schedules into a shared online
calendar. Aside from the cucumber water at the front desk, it's probably my
greatest accomplishment ever.

Peralta: Alright. We should set up a tactical team and hit the gym. And Sergeant Jeffords should stay here and keep
interrogating Jacoby for as many hours or years as necessary.Boyle: Are you sure I shouldn't go get him? I feel a little uncomfortable leaving him out of this.Peralta: Don't think of it as leaving him out so much as including
his babies in having a father.

Peralta: The whole team is running smoothly and perfectly like a
well-lubed, oiled time clock...bye.

Capt. Holt: Why do you think Gina hired that P.I.?Santiago: To mock us.Capt. Holt: She's scared.Santiago: She's not scared. With all due respect, Sir, Gina has no feelings.

Gina: I asked for a police officer to escort me to work, and it
took a while for dispatch to find me a young Kevin Costner type. [Brooklyn99Insider: Raise of hands - how many feel this was a set-up for when we meet Capt. Holt's husband - Kevin Cozner?]

Capt. Holt: Her home doesn't feel safe anymore. If someone broke into your apartment, and you weren't cops, wouldn't
you be scared?Santiago: Yes.Diaz: Depends. How many guns do I still have hidden?Capt. Holt: None.Diaz: Do I still have my knife? Nunchucks? Axe?Capt. Holt: It was a hypothetical question.

Diaz: I know, but I want to play it out. Do I still have my
throwing stars?

Santiago: This has taken a strange turn.Diaz: Fine. I'd be scared. We're on it. What kind of woman doesn't have an axe?

Boyle: Cool. I boxed at the academy. They invented a new weight class for me. You're looking at the undisputed bubbleweight champion.

Peralta: Sarge, hey. I'm so psyched you made it here to the sting that I
definitely told Charles to tell you about.Terry: You lied to me!Peralta: I can see that you're upset, but let's just sit down and
talk about it.Terry: Done talking! Time to dance.Peralta: Fine. But I should warn you. I took three years of tap.

Peralta: Again, Sarge, it's so good to see you. Uh, just out of curiosity, how did you find out about this?Terry: I'm a detective sergeant in the NYPD. Holt told me. Why are
you cutting me out of the operation?Peralta: What? That's crazy! Boyle, come in here and stand in front
of my body and tell him that's crazy. Ow! My lucky face!

Terry: You gonna talk to me now?Peralta: Sure. If you could be any vacation... Oh! You didn't let me finish. If you could be any vacation, what
would you be? I'd be skiing.Terry: Oh, now I'm gonna hit you for real.Peralta: That wasn't for real? Oh, my God. No, wait, wait, wait! I
was worried!

Peralta: About you getting hurt. I don't want your daughters growing
up without a dad. I know what that's like, and it sucks. And I don't want it to
happen to them.Terry: Why didn't you just say something to me?Peralta: Because I didn't want to get in your head and have you freak
out again.Terry: Yeah, I get it. It's been a rough year. But I've learned to
embrace my fears. It makes me a better cop.

Boyle: Thirty minutes until the bogeys arrive.Peralta: Thanks, Boyle. I love it when you say "bogeys."

Terry: And for the record...if I could be any kind of vacation...I'd be lake trip.Peralta: Classic.

Diaz: You're here late.Gina: Ah, you know me. I love working. Can't tear me away from my work. I just love requisitions and corporate record reports. Just, you know, messages from people for Holt.Santiago: I can imagine how frightening this must be. I'm sorry we didn't catch the guy.Gina: Yeah. It's weird. It's like, why do the worst things always happen to the best
people? And what's to keep it from happening again?Diaz: We are. Come on. We're taking you home.

Diaz: We installed a second lock on your front door, put locks on
the windows by the fire escape, and set all your lights on timers. [Brooklyn99Insider: If you use a timer for your lights, I recommend this Outlet Timer, because you can set it to go off and on three times per day.]

Terry: You gonna let me do this, man?Peralta: What choice do I have? You hit me in the arms so hard they no longer work.Terry: Alright. It's time to catch some bad guys. It good to be back.Peralta: Have a fun steroid deal, Sergeant.Terry: You're a weird guy, Jake.

Boyle: The Ebony Falcon.Peralta: No. The Ebony Falcon had no fear. He's The Ebony Antelope now. Brave enough to drink at the lake, but wise enough to run
from the lions. Hey, my arms don't work. Can you scratch my nose?Boyle: You bet.

Peralta: Why is everyone so worried about the sarge? He was amazing. He made the buy, took out the suppliers, but wisely didn't
take on more than he could handle.Terry: I left one for you.

Photo by Eddy Chen/FOX

Peralta: And you'll be happy to know that he punched me in the face
several times.

Peralta: Hey, Sarge, just for the record, I hope you're on every case
with me for the rest of my career. I'm not scared for you at all. Of you a lot.Terry: Thanks, Jake. Oh, Peralta, I almost forgot. My girls made you a card. To
thank you for keeping me safe.

Peralta: Oh...They're so full of potential. Why would you show me
this?

Episode Breakdown:

SUMMARY:On
his first task back in the field, Terry busts a steroid ring, and in
doing so, takes cues from Jake on how to harness his emotions.
Meanwhile, Amy and Rosa help solve a breaking-and-entering case at
Gina’s apartment.

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