Things I Swore I'd Never Do After My Husband Left (And Did Anyway)

I have a friend who is currently going through a really, really nasty divorce. There's tons of he said/she said stuff going on, fights in front of the kids, vitriolic messages sent through the kids, fighting over DVD collections and heirlooms and even bedding, of all things. I look at them and think, "Oh, I'm so glad we kept it civil. I would have never done any of that."

And then I realize logically that if he'd have pushed me hard enough, or gotten ridiculous himself about a lot of this stuff, I may have done the same, in reaction. As my grandma used to say "There but for the grace of God..."

I can think of probably a dozen things I swore I'd never do after my ex walked out, and I did them anyway. For instance, I swore that my kids and I would keep our routines. We'd have family dinner every night at the table. We still do that most nights, but sometimes, we just hang out, eating off of plates balanced on our laps while we watch a DVD or show together, or just sit and talk. It's kind of relaxing not to have to drum up a huge meal and serve it, too.

I also swore that I'd never speak badly of their father in front of them. I've kept to that, mostly, but there have been a few times when he's irked me right in front of them or over the phone while they're standing there, and I address it. First with him, then with Anna. If I feel he's being unreasonable, I point out that he's not a bad guy, just showing bad behavior and reassure her that we'll work it out. I think it's important to for Anna to see me stand up for myself, and besides, she's not blind. She can tell when he's made me mad.

I swore that I wouldn't let him take advantage of me anymore, but that's happened on many occasions, especially with swapping kid's nights or altering schedules. It keeps the peace, and I don't have a social life anyway, so it's not a huge imposition most of the time. I am pushing back more, but I can say this one is one of my biggest problems with Peter.

What about you? What did you swear never to do once your ex left, and you found yourself doing it anyway?

About The Author

Ellie DeLano

Ellie DeLano is a parenting and relationship blogger, a freelance writer, a full-time working single mom, and frequently exhausted. She's slogging her way through the world of single parenting, mid-life dating and reinventing herself with a pop-tart in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.

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