Love & sex

Ex-girlfriend “crazy” – unless she wants to get back together?

A Suffolk man who labelled his ex-girlfriend a “proper head case”, and claimed that their relationship ended because she was a “crazy bitch” is happy to revise his position if she fancies getting back together.

Nick Dalton, 28, said: “Madeline was a total nightmare. She was always going on at me to do things like brush my teeth and go to work. It was completely unreasonable.”

“I knew things were going downhill when she started complaining about doing my washing,” he continued. “You soil one pair of Y fronts and you never hear the end of it.”

“OK, yeah, technically, she dumped me, but that’s only because she knew I was thinking about doing it and wanted to get in there first. Just another one of her loony mind games.”

Nick concluded: “Have you spoken to her? She’s off her trolley, isn’t she. Did she… did she say anything about me?”

Sara is editor-in-chief of Succubus. Sara studied Writing & Producing Comedy at the NFTS and has written for The Now Show, Dead Ringers, The News Quiz, The Daily Mash and The Mash Report. Sara makes it her business to be at least five years behind the latest trends, so she can devote more time to her Tamagotchi.