Can I tell early on if there's someone else?

Apr 8, 2008

Recently, I've been meeting a lot of great guys with whom I've hit it off really well. But I keep finding out that they're taken. Why do I seem to attract men already in relationships, and how can I tell early on if there's someone else?

You say that you're attracting men in relationships, but maybe you are attracted to men in relationships. It's quite a coincidence that every guy you connect with just happens to be taken, and something tells me there's a part of you that's turned on by it. Maybe you like the challenge. Maybe you think they're safe. Or maybe you're not ready to be in a serious relationship, so you seek out guys who already are.

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But I could be wrong. There could be something about you that catches the eye of men with girlfriends. Are you a huge flirt? Do you tend to come on strong? Because when a taken man whom you barely know tells you that he likes you, he's probably not after a relationship that'd last longer than one night. In other words, these guys may think of you as easy and disposable.

There's no surefire way to know if a guy is taken because he could always be lying. But if you subtly broach the issue, chances are, he'll fess up...or at least become visibly uncomfortable. If he's with a group of people, have a married friend say, "You're all so cute. I'll bet none of you are single!" Or reveal a nickname people have for you — if it's Princess Xanax, make one up — then ask, "What does your mom call you? What about your girlfriend?" It's a little sneaky, but it should get the job done.

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