I'm a month out from the surgery now and doing very well. Still got a stitch in there I can't wait to get out, but I did yoga 4 times in a row this last week. So I'm back to some physical activity and can notice a major difference with my breathing, making it all easier to workout! I plan to get more serious about it from here on. I've been doing DDP Yoga for a few years now, but now it's time to go Super Saiyan.

I always want to try yoga... but the one self defense class that I took that used some stuff from it kicked my ass so bad that I am afraid to try it. When you have the ability to hurt yourself breathing, doing all those stretches seems like a death wish.

Currently setting up an emulated/flash game portal on my site under /gamebox which actually is going rather well so far. Shame flash is being discontinued in 2020 but there will be probably open-source alternatives which will work.

I would say wedding planning is taking a lot out of me, but I haven't really broken a sweat about it other than trying to nail down the venue.

If anything, what's stressing me out is figuring out how I can invite some people from work and not others. One, that I'd rather not invite, got really drunk at our boss' birthday party and kept asking me point-blank if she was invited.

My ex pretty much killed all fun in wedding planning and made it so stressful that I just gave up and acquiesced to his demands (court house, no real reception, no cake... use all the money for honeymoon cruise). Planning the cruise was fun at least... once he got over the fact that Alaska was just too expensive that time of year.

I am still kinda upset about it and how much money my parents spent on it. His parents paid for a comparative fraction.

... but yeah... in other news... planning a big move is no fun either. Especially when cost and logistics have you crawling into the fetal position.

Brandon's parents aren't contributing shit. Neither one of them live in their own houses; they're living with either their mother (Bran's mom) or stepfather (his dad.) This is entirely on my parents and me, as much of everything up to this point has been. Still, it's not about the money.

And we're not planning on having a cake either.

Work has been better these days, though I'm concerned about the fact that my married boss may be having an affair with one of my co-workers, who's also already married. While the idea that she might get preferential treatment is a factor, it's more that I consider him a friend and don't want to see him go down for this if it ends up getting reported to our regional director.

In other news, I'm really looking forward to International Talk Like a Pirate Day this year.

I'm not super upset about not having a big ass cake... but he was fixated on it. My mom wanted a little cake for the family dinner we did have... not a wedding cake, just a cake. He flipped his shit over it. He doesn't like cake, so no one can have cake.

My mom did cake anyway, because I am 99% sure that she could hear in my voice that I actually did like the idea of cake. It was a super yummy chocolate and chocolate fudge cake that the restaurant did as one of their desserts. Everyone but him loved it. I heard about it for a fucking month afterwards. I mean... dude... seriously, it's a dessert.

Is "Groomzilla" a thing?

Sucks about the coworkers... that is not something you want to have to deal with. Like, at all.

I myself am looking forward to going to Fight Night at the local theme park. It isn't anywhere near as good as Knott's Scary Farm or Dark Harbor... but it's mazes and rides, and watching people running like scared little mice from a guy with a fake chainsaw... and it makes me happy. I only got to go once two years ago with Kaleb and a few other friends, and it made me feel more like my old self than I had in years.

Yes "Groomzilla" is a thing. Though not as much as "Momzilla." At least in your case, Mom was supportive and got you cake.

Seriously, a month?

I've been fairly out of it for a few weeks. I have such bad anxiety regarding .... well ... EVERYTHING. It feels like the world has completely gone dumpster fire.

Yesterday, while having lunch with my clients, we heard an air raid siren go off. I tried not to visibly panic in front of them, but in my mind I'm screaming, "WE'RE ABOUT TO DIE RIGHT NOW!!! NORTH KOREA DID IT!!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!" I took out my phone, texted Bran, "I love you," and then continued to sit there.

My weekends through a lot of November have been ear-marked for multiple things. I'm enjoying keeping busy, but it's also the realization that I can't do everything that I want to this fall.

I mean, my dad's birthday is Nov. 12. I was already planning on hitting up the Dressed to the 9 3/4 Harry Potter event happening at Universal Studios, but now Lee's birthday party is the same day. Oh god.

This weekend is when we're doing the Oktoberfests and maybe the apple valley again. Next weekend we're doing the Halloween things in the San Fernando Valley.

Most of my free time is taken up with trying to declutter so packing is easier... but now that is going to have to pivot to cleaning and hiding stuff because my nephew is coming out for Thanksgiving... then back trying to pack. Add holiday sales season on top of that, and, well... clusterfuck.

It's starting to affect my sleeping patterns... in that I don't really sleep much and am constantly tired.

Deposits are down for the band, venue, hair and make-up, the photographer, and we FINALLY sat down with our rentals/flowers/lights guy whom our caterer/coordinator said she always works with. Took a month to get him to respond to texts and calls and book us for a sit-down. Was figuratively tearing my hair out, worried we weren't going to get shit done with him. No tables, no chairs, no anything for the goddamn wedding.

We've done a tasting with the caterer. Just need to finalize the menu and put down the money for her.

Invites were sent out. Of course there's drama regarding who got one and who didn't. I handed them to a few people at work and told them to put them away, but apparently SOMEONE didn't since I was suddenly getting questions regarding them from people I specifically wasn't inviting. Can't wait to leave this job.

Waiting for my dress from Pendragon. Not sure when the hell it's going to come.

My parents have apparently been stressing what they're going to wear for the wedding. Bran and I had not had breakfast yet and we were on our way to eat and my parents insisted we drop everything and go to the costume shop they found to help them pick something out. We're shaky with headaches, practically going, "I don't care. Just pick something!"

Been out of it and not too happy lately, other than getting in some gaming and whatnot. Something is up with my neck. Seeing the doctor on Monday so I hope I get answers and it's not too bad. Feels like serious inflammation, maybe a goiter or something really bothering the left side, pain and discomfort radiates down across the left of my chest and up through my jaw on the left side... it's really annoying.

I need to find a place to get Kaleb something, unless I can find a kind soul who wears the same size and has extra.

Packing, packing, cleaning, and packing. And work is having me do mostly closing shifts and working weekends, because I clearly don't need any time to get shit done, right? Plus my supervisor is on leave right now so guess who gets to do her job? Yup... this month has been hell.

I told my boss that I'm pretty much done and will be looking for other employment after the wedding.

I'm so sick of the people with whom I work. Everything's an exclusion game. You plan something and everyone flakes. They plan something and it's a game of who ISN'T invited.

What's more, people just don't seem to care about the clients like they're supposed to and they're shitty to ones that I favor in any way. I bought a client a pair of industrial earmuffs because he's super sensitive to sound. Apparently, some of the staff purposely don't get them for him and some take them away from him as a punishment. That's like taking away someone's kneebrace or something. You know, he's not going to die, but he's in fucking agony because they took him to a loud bowling alley and thought taking the earmuffs away was suitable due to him not wanting to change his shoes. I fucking hate these people.

Put yourself first Rogue, these people have never sounded worth it. I had trouble leaving some jobs in the past because of holding on too hard but things turned around once I finally went out of my comfort zones again. This month marks my two year anniversary at Quest and it's the best job I've ever had.

I had an ultrasound done on my neck a few weeks back and nothing came up, which is good... but I still don't know what the hell is going on. I finally started taking some Tylenol and it's helped a lot with my neck and face tension, blurred vision, etc, now I'm noticing all the pain seems to stem from my left shoulder and arm. I'm seeing my doctor again this Monday and hoping for X-Rays and maybe an MRI. I've been hiding this chronic pain too well for years now but this is the worst it's been in ages, it doesn't matter what I eat, if and when I workout or do yoga, or how well I sleep, the symptoms are so random and happen pretty much everyday. Really hope I can figure something out. There's no way this is some mental BS and my imagination... I've dealt with a lot of anxiety or depression off and on throughout my 20's but mentally have learned so much and gotten strong, yet you can only do so much when there's real chronic physical pain. I think all these years I focused too much on my neck and maybe it's been my shoulder. Hope I get some answers.

Also have them check to see if you popped a rib. That happened to Kaleb, and the muscles tensing up around the ribs started pulling on his neck and causing a lot of pain... chiropractor said sitting in a computer chair all day doesn't exactly help that either.

Just over two weeks until moving day. Packing still isn't done thanks to shit weather and work schedules but in the home stretch.

Good call Elara, I've been stumbling into information on Thoracic Outlet Syndrome which sounds like what you're saying with the rib. Was he feeling tension/tightness and discomfort like right under the collar bone? I've noticed it lately myself. Then the pain is a bit on the top of my shoulders, down the shoulder blade a bit, and weird sharp pain and tingles go down my arm, even down to my hand at times.

I saw the doctor today and was a bit annoyed, she wants to put me on some muscle relaxant to sleep with and then do physical therapy for about a month or something. I tried to insist on just getting x-rays and or an MRI right away, but I guess I have to go through these hoops. Try this crap out and if it does nothing then we can go that route...

I mean god forbid I've only been doing yoga and other things for years now, I don't think physical therapy is going to fix crap for long term...