Pages

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

And therefore . . .

Proofs That Homeopathy Works!

THE CONSPIRACY THEORY ARGUMENT1) Anyone who doesn't like homeopathy is clearly in the pay of Big Pharma.2) The fact that Big Pharma also makes homeopathy pills is neither here nor there.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.

THE CHERRY PICKING ARGUMENT1) Some quotes support homeopathy.2) The skeptics say not if you read them properly, but that's just twisting things.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.(Source)

THE CHERRY PICKING ARGUMENT (2)1) Some scientific papers find that homeopathy does work.2) Others find it doesn't.3) The skeptics claim that #2 are the better ones, because they have better methodology.4) Yeah, but they were funded/invented by Big Pharma.5) Therefore, homeopathy works.

THE "HOLISTIC" ARGUMENT1) Homeopathy treats the cause, not the symptoms.2) The very principle of homeopathy is to find an ingredient that mimicks the symptoms. But the same symptoms can mean a host of different things. For example, a headache may mean tense muscles, eye strain, or meningitis.3) But homeopathy is holistic.4) And you just don't understand homeopathy.5) Therefore, homeopathy works.

ARGUMENT FROM NECESSARY OPPOSITES (3)1) A doctor once misdiagnosed my head cold/food allergy/weird wart on my finger.2) This was disgraceful. I pay his wages. I will never go to a doctor again.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.

ARGUMENT FROM NECESSARY OPPOSITES (4)1) When I was 13 a doctor was mean to me and dismissive of my headache/period pains/splinter.2) See #2, above.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.

THE MYSTICAL ARGUMENT1) You don't understand how homeopathy works, which only goes to show how ignorant you are.2) I don't understand how homeopathy works, which only goes to show the mysteries of science and the life-force which narrow tick-boxes cannot define.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.

ARGUMENT FROM POLITICAL CORRECTNESS1) Someone had an idea!2) It is just petty to suggest this idea might be wrong. You're jealous and close-minded.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.

ARGUMENT FROM POLITICAL CORRECTNESS (2)1) I have an opinion.2) I am entitled to my opinion.5) Therefore, homeopathy works.

ARGUMENT FROM POLITICAL CORRECTNESS (3)1) My opinion is that homeopathy works.2) If I disagree with your opinion, that is my right.3) If you disagree with my opinion, that is persecution.4) Therefore, homeopathy works.

ARGUMENT FROM HISTORY1) Galileo was persecuted for his belief that the Earth revolved around the Sun.2) The fact that Galileo had deduced this with experiments rather than simply thought it up, while the Church was the source of unreasoned faith, is far too complex a matter to understand and you are simply picking holes in my argument because you have no ideas of your own.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.

ARGUMENT FROM DIGNITY1) Skeptics ask why water does not remember poo.2) That is a very undignified question.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.(Source)

ARGUMENT FROM DISLIKE OF SCIENCE1) Double-blind randomised trials make it clear that homeopathy does not work.2) Well, they must be wrong.3) And I don't like science anyway.4) Therefore, homeopathy works.

ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES1) Homeopathy cured my auntie of cancer.2) She took chemotherapy and had an operation too, but she didn't like either of them and it can't have been that, chemo contains nasty chemicals.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.

THE MORAL ARGUMENT1) We went all the way to Haiti to treat earthquake victims with homeopathy.2) Wasn't that nice of us?3) Therefore, homeopathy works.

THE ROYAL ARGUMENT1) The Royal Family use homeopathy.2) They have very long lives.3) And they must be right. They're the Royal Family!4) What? Of course they don't live longer due to other causes as well. Don't try to sidetrack my point.5) Therefore, homeopathy works.

THE POLITICAL ARGUMENT1) Politicians such as Evan Harris are losing votes by their bad behaviour attacking homeopathy.2) We know he's wrong because he's a politician.3) Politicians such as David Tredinnick are doing a great deal of good in the face of a difficult Parliament.4) We know he's right because he's a politician.5) Therefore, homeopathy works.

ARGUMENT FROM THE TOILET1) The water in your toilet is different in more ways than in chemical composition than water out of a spring.2) You need me to explain that?!?!?! HA HA HA HA HA YOU ARE SO IGNORANT!3) Therefore, homeopathy works.(Source)

ARGUMENT FROM HUMOUR1) We can make a lot of claims about skeptics, that will make you laugh until your throat is sore!2) For example, they believe pregnancy is a disease, think people should be vaccinated, and don't know the difference between LIVING and DEAD FOOD!!!!!!!!3) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!4) Actually, some skeptics are laughing at you for saying that.5) But of course they are. They have nothing real to laugh at because they live such miserable lives.6) Of course they will deny their stupidities, once said stupidities are exposed.7) Therefore, homeopathy works.(Source)

THE CONSISTENCY ARGUMENT1) Sometimes skeptics change their minds.2) THEY RETRACT THEIR VIEWS!!!3) THEY ADMIT THEY WERE WRONG!!!!!!4) Therefore, homeopathy works.

THE HARMLESSNESS ARGUMENT1) Nobody died as a result of the Ten23 protest.2) This only goes to show that homeopathy is not dangerous, like conventional medicine.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.

THE LEGAL ARGUMENT1) Simon Singh is being sued for libel.2) He must be a malicious liar.3) Homeopaths are being criticised and mocked and defamed.4) We must be right; truth is always attacked.5) Therefore, homeopathy works.

THE WILL OF THE MAJORITY ARGUMENT1) Show your support for homeopathy! Please retweet!2) Therefore, homeopathy works.(Source)

THE NUMERICAL ARGUMENT1) Only three MPs have so far signed the so-called "evidence check" on homeopathy!2) That is disgraceful.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.

GODWIN'S LAW ARGUMENT1) I don't understand why homeopathy is being attacked.2) It must be something to do with Hitler.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.(Source)

And finally, a masterpiece of beautiful, logical thinking by one of my new Twitter followers . . .

ARGUMENT FROM CONSTIPATION1) Skeptics are constipated.2) How I think I know about their bowel movements and indeed why I concern myself with such things is an undignified question.3) Therefore, homeopathy works.(Source)

Thanks to Captsharkey, Batarista and Medtek for pointing me to specific sources, and many highly amusing websites and comments pages I've been enjoying myself over the last couple of months!

Please point me in the direction of any more sources or arguments - and you know what I'd really love? For this to become a chain e-mail.

ARGUMENT FROM PHYSICAL REPUGNANCE1) I don't like your face, so I don't have to listen. 2) Therefore, homeopathy works.

ARGUMENT FROM FAME1) Some famous people use homeopathy. 2) Obviously, celebrities know far more about medicine than doctors and scientists. 3) Therefore, homeopathy works.

Right on!!!

PS again - This has now appeared on at least 4 Spanish websites and at least one German one. Thanks to all of you and I hope you were suitably entertained. You can now download a Spanish translation as a PDF file here!

PPS - I originally wrote this at the top, but is has become quite secondary so can go at the bottom.

"It's been a good few weeks for the skeptics. Although we're still awaiting the outcome of Simon's appeal, it was much enjoyed by Jack of Kent, Crispian Jago, Index on Censorship, Skepticat, Jack in fun mode, and many more. You can read the entire transcript of the appeal here on Jack's website. I have read the beginning and end and a great deal awaits my untrained brain. It reminds me of a play in some parts. Perhaps it should become a play, performed perhaps at the Tricycle Theatre whose production of "Called to Account" I shall never forget?

"In the meantime, it's also been an enraging few weeks for, I think, the homeopaths even more than the chiropractors. The recent Evidence Check on homeopathy has not been good news for them. Spies inform the Twitterverse that a mass Twitter attack is on the way[NB. In fairness to all, I did not observe this in the end. But if it was homeopathic, I wouldn't have] . . . so I thought it time to hurry up and publish an especially nasty idea my mean-spirited nerdy brain had nurtured for a few days - inspired by Godless Geeks (health warning: you will either love this last link or hate it; I think you can work out which from the name)."

2) I know maths, I added up a grocery bill once and it was only $44 out, so we can cancel the m, right, cos we're really small compared to the universe. right, so this leaves us with the speed of light, right, and we have eyes so the light goes in and energises us with the E.

I study at St George's University of London, a significant part of a module I am studying is 'bullshit detection' as my lecturer likes to call it.In our reading list, we were recommended to take a look at this blogpost!

1) The #ten23 protest is based on Avogadro's Constant.2) This is a number from the 19th century.3) Therefore, the protestors' thinking is also stuck in the 19th century.4) Therefore, homeopathy works.- http://www.facebook.com/alexpryce/posts/190777940950027?notif_t=share_reply#!/alexpryce/posts/190777940950027