This morning, I cued up the old Twitter and was greeted with a hashtag about National Boyfriend Day. It’s today, apparently. There’s a plethora of tweets from people bestowing the virtues of their boyfriend, giving shout-outs to their favorite celebrities and declaring that all they need is their cat. Oh, wait, that last one is just me. Either way, through the haze of lovey-dovey Internet PDAs, I couldn’t help but pull a Carrie Bradshaw and wonder: Where have all the good men gone??

This is a question that’s been haunting me for awhile now. It’s embedded in my brain and I just can’t seem to let it go. For some reason, I cling to it. And I don’t ask it as some bitter feminist who is on some angry tirade against men, even though every headline this week has sent me down yet another spiral of rage. Instead, I’m asking as a decent human being wondering out loud where all the decent men are these days.

Are they all hiding from me? Are they at the local Target? Busy taking a morning jog? Or maybe they’re all “too scared” to come out and actually support women when we need it the most? Honestly, that last scenario is the only one that seems plausible to me right now. Because I’m sure not seeing these good men that people like my mom swear are out there. All I’m seeing are entitled, mansplaining dude bros who are exasperated that they’re being called out because, for some, their cushy little life has never been disrupted like that before.

It’s a wake-up call for them, as it should be! Because no matter how many people say, “Oh, there ARE still good men in the world,” those words alone just aren’t enough anymore. In 2018, it’s simply not acceptable to just say these good men are out there. I, and so many women, need to SEE these supposed good men in action. Men need to be an integral part of the #MeToo movement and need to be loud and proud in their support of sexual assault survivors. They need to stand up to this world of misogyny and sexism that we’re living in and let women know that they’re not alone — that they have the support of men as well as women.

Remember that list I wrote when I was 17 — you know, the one about what traits I’d want the future Mr. Melissa Blake to possess? It contained some 20+ qualifications and looking back at that list now, I’m amazed at how high my standards were. Right now, in 2018, I just want someone who is a decent human being and knows that assault is WRONG. My, how low our standards and expectations have fallen, huh? It’s a sad state of affairs — one that, I’m sure, isn’t felt by just myself. I’m pretty sure a lot of people are currently feeling like this.

So, what is the answer to my original question? I’m not sure, but I wish I knew where to go from here. I wish I knew how to move beyond this endless sea that we’re all drowning in. But I do know that the way out involves those good men, so I hope — on all that is holy — that they show themselves before it’s too late. Because that “too late” point? It’s coming faster than we think and sometimes, I think we’re already there.

As Zachary Hendrickson wrote in an op-ed for Columbia University’s Columbia Daily Spectator, it’s beyond time that men do something RIGHT NOW…

“Take the time to review your personal history with the same scrutiny that you wish the senate judiciary committee would have shown Judge Kavanaugh last week. Be honest with yourself and with others. Understand that we’re all capable of doing terrible things. Accept that no amount of “beer” or drugs can be used as an excuse. Then start digging. And no matter what you find at the end of that process, own up to it. Acknowledge it, work through it with a therapist if you need one, apologize for it, take actions to atone for it, and don’t ever let it happen again…”

Amen! Where are these good men, friends? How can we continue to fight for justice and equality in a world that feels so unjust and unequal right now? I’d love to hear your wisdom on this very-important topic. We need to keep this conversation going as long as it takes… xoxo

It’s hard to believe today marks 50 years since Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated in Memphis in 1968.

FIFTY YEARS.

How can that be? I’m remembering King’s legacy today and every day, especially when I think of where we are now and everything we’ve been through. Where are we going? And, maybe more importantly, how do we get there?

One of King’s quotes really stands out today…

“He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.”

Honestly, have truer words ever been spoken? It’s like I’ve always said, “If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem.” And I’m not just talking on a grand scale here. It can be something as small as seeing people bully others and failing to speak up. Because if you see someone getting bullied and choose to sit by and do nothing, then you’re just as bad as the person doing the actual bullying. In fact, maybe you’re even worse than the bullies.

Your silence speaks volumes.

Here are some more inspiring quotes from King and a fantastic round-up of thoughts on his lasting impact on the world. Here’s to a more just, peaceful world. We all can do our part, friends. xoxo

Happy Valentine’s Day, friends!! So, I have a very important question for you today: Will you be my Valentine??

I know, I know. This all may be a bit forward of me. I mean, I know I tend to put it all out there on this blog and in my writing, especially where my emotions and feelings are concerned, but I can be a pretty shy, introverted person, to be honest. After all, I’d never dream of just going up to someone and asking them on a date or breaking out in song and declaring my love for someone, but make no mistake! I am a hardcore romantic through and through.

And, really, I’m not just talking about romantic love here. Love is love is love is love. It’s all powerful and all-encompassing, if you ask me. The love of family, the love of friends, the love of our furry friends — it all lifts us up and keeps us going, on Valentine’s Day and the other 364 days of the year. As cliche as it sounds, I just love, well, LOVE!!

Anyway, I suppose that brings me back to that important question I asked at the beginning of this post. We’ve got a pretty powerful and amazing community here on the blog and I’m so glad that we can be here for each other! The world is a dark enough place. I’m so proud of us for spreading lots of love, happiness and light.

Remember those cool Valentines you used to pass out in elementary school? Well, I wish I had one to give to each of you today!! But we have each other — today and every day — and that’s even better, don’t you think??

What are you doing to celebrate Valentine’s Day, friends?? Here’s hoping you’re surrounded by love in all its wonderful and glorious forms!! xoxo

Here’s a 2018 confession: I actually like Twitter more than Facebook!! In fact, it’s my preferred social media platform. Even though I’ve encountered my fair share of haters over the last NINE YEARS, the good most definitely outweighs the bad — and, really, who can resist a snappy, 280-character tweet?? So you can probably imagine what a (delightful!) surprise it was to find out that I was included on this list of amazing women to follow on Twitter…

Last month, relationships site Lovey Signs released their list of 100 amazing women to follow, and I’m BEYOND humbled to be included in such an inspiring group. Women who are changing the world, who are experts in their field and, of course, who aren’t afraid to be opinionated and bold! Can you think of a better roster to be a part of?

Who are you following on Twitter these days, friends? You can follow me here and I’d love to follow you all, so be sure to drop your Twitter link in the comments!!! See you in a future 280-character tweet… xoxo

I shared this two years ago on Facebook and it’s even more true in light of the past 4 months. The truth is, sometimes people share things and AREN’T looking for advice. Sometimes, they just want people to listen. It seems like such a simple and insignificant gesture, but listening to someone is an incredibly powerful thing!

Don’t be the person that swoops in with unsolicited advice. It’s not helpful. Trust me. In fact, it just makes people more hurt and confused. Sometimes, not everything can be fixed, even though that’s our first instinct is to solve problems right away. We can’t solve everyone’s problems, but we do have the power to ease their burden and fears. We can take some of the weight off their shoulders just by listening.

So, the next time someone comes to you, sit down with them. And just listen. It’ll help them more than you could ever know… xoxo

So About What I Said is a daily blog that covers relationships, disabilities, lifestyle and pop culture. I love to laugh and have been known to overshare. I also have an unabashed obsession with pop music, polo shirts, and PEZ dispensers. Read more...