“Fifty Shades of Grey,” by E.L. James. Photo Credit: AP

The "Fifty Shades of Grey" marketing basket now includes wines called Red Satin and White Silk. Is one dominant and the other submissive? Do you bond over them? Is it an act of masochism to drink one and another of sadism to pour? At $17.99 each, these wines are neither especially expensive nor particularly cheap -- at least not in cost. The white is a blend of gewurztraminer, a grape...

At $17.99 each, these wines are neither especially expensive nor particularly cheap -- at least not in cost.

The white is a blend of gewurztraminer, a grape known for its spice; and sauvignon blanc, which can be used for a wine that's grassy, crisp or, in Sauternes, as contributor to sweet wines made with decaying grapes.

The red combines petite sirah and syrah, the former almost always beaten by the latter.

Vino and literature have coupled since Homer described the "wine-dark sea." But this latest entry makes you think less of Homer & Hemingway than Bartles & Jaymes.