Mouretsu Pirates 7

Remember the last Black★Rock Shooter (TV) post? Probably not, because according to my Site Stats, a grand total of three visitors read that post. One of them didn’t read it, and another one was myself. I guess nobody reads my blog… /emperorj

‘Wait,’ you probably won’t ask, ‘This is a post about Mouretsu Pirates Episode 7. Mouretsu Pirates Episode 7 hasn’t aired yet. According to AnimeCalendar, it’ll air on Sunday, February the 19th – two days from today, Friday, February the 17th.’

Anyways, you see, I, being a significant, important, and influential personage of the anime industry, have received exclusive access to the pre-air of the next episode of Mouretsu Pirates – episode seven – two days before it airs to the general public. The events which occurred this episode were so dramatic as for me to risk relinquishing my position solely to impart this shocking knowledge upon you.

Without further ado, let us move on to the plot. Warning: major spoilers will not follow. Do not read at your own risk. Read at other people’s nonexistent risks.

What? Are you mad because I didn’t put a spoiler tag there? Sorry about that. I’m a very courteous person, as you can see. Too bad you don’t have exclusive access to the pre-air of the next episode of Mouretsu Pirates – episode seven – two days before it airs to the general public. But seriously, how was this not all obvious last episode? Did nobody read my post? Oh, that’s right – nobody read my post. /emperorj

This Steven Den Beste guy got it right, though, in his comment on that THAT (hah) post. I wouldn’t be surprised if he also had exclusive access to the pre-air of the next episode of Mouretsu Pirates – episode seven – two days before it airs to the general public. Y’know, if you decided to write for O-New, you’d also get exclusive access to the pre-air of the next episode of Mouretsu Pirates – episode seven – two days before it airs to the general public. You’re missing out a lot here by not deciding to write for O-New.

Anyways, it wasn’t too surprising that the final enemy would be the Galactic Empire. What space opera doesn’t have the Galactic Empire as the main antagonist? Unfortunately for Mouretsu Pirates, perhaps 26 episodes won’t be enough to bring down the Empire, with less than eight hours of runtime to go. The Legend of the Legendary Heroes was similar to Mouretsu Pirates in its gradual building up into a BIG HUGE GIGANTIC HUMONGOUS story, but at the end, that build-up happened too fast, too late; the anime ended without any satisfying conclusion. And I doubt Mouretsu Pirates will do much better.

tl;dr: in which I randomly drop links to build traffic

As with my Black★Rock Shooter (TV) 3 post (that’s the second link to that post this post!), all the images in here are, cough cough, obviously from Episode 8 of Mouretsu Pirates, which I have exclusive access to the pre-air of. You won’t find these pictures in previous episodes, and after the next episode of Mouretsu Pirates – episode seven – airs to the general public, you’ll find that I wasn’t lying. They are not just mirrored images or whatever. As you can see, Marika is clearly right-side-up and not upside-down nor left-side-up. She’s probably left-side-down, though, because if your right side is up then your left side is down. BUT IN THE ZERO-G OF OUTER SPACE, ONLY THE ENEMY’S GATE IS DOWN

The post-ED ‘moral’ of the episode also undergoes a rapid change in tone, much like the rapid change in topic between this paragraph and the previous one. Before, they were things like, “Make the best decision you can,” “Everyone’s just a dot in space,” “Breakfast beats worrying,”, and then, last last episode, “Begin Combat Operations.” After that, things started getting weird. Last episode (Episode 6)’s moral was “But you are not alone in space,” and this episode’s moral was “The Galactic Empire sucks.”

Wait, what?!

Yeah, that’s what I thought too. All conventionality was thrown out the window. You thought last episode was strange with its choreographed piracy? This episode stepped on the shark and bounced off of it. The Space Yacht Club returns ready to Begin Combat Operations – literally, because the ENTIRE Colony Federation (The Sea of the Morningstar’s suzerain) has been secretly planning an organized revolt for the longest time. The development is a bit dubious and sloppy, and many things that need to be explained weren’t explained (for example, if the Colony Federation cuts off trade with the Galactic Empire, do they have an autarky? How will they get items that can’t be manufactured in Tau Ceti?). But awesome? FUCK YEAH.

This episode does demonstrate the limitations of one episode, though. There’s only that much you can say in one episode, and to be frank, nothing really /happened/ this episode. A lot was explained, especially with the insurance companies and the Ponzi scheme the Colony Federation’s using to finance their mercenaries, but Marika didn’t really do anything. The Thunderboat (I’m not sure whether this was added in by WhyNot or if it was a pun in Japanese) 13’s post-OP battle was pretty anticlimatic, though. I was expecting them to actually battle with the Bentenmaru, but all they do is shoot the Galactic Federation couriers that arrive in the system. Talk about…

…shooting the messenger.

Don’t shoot me! I’m just the guy who gives you the spoilers. Y’know what, I think you guys have gotten enough of my spoilers. And that’s alright, because I’ve nothing more to spoil – the episode ends right there, with our heroines preparing for all-out war. Even Marika participated in the planning of the uprising; the only person who seems to be unaware of it is the narrator.

The narrator does step into a major role this episode. Mouretsu Pirates’s narrator is awesome in his calm, collected introduction of the setting of the show. Without the narrator, perhaps Mouretsu Pirates would have been as sloppy as Horizon. Perhaps Horizon would be as awesome as Mouretsu Pirates, had they had a narrator for every episode. But the narrator really does make this episode make sense.

Speaking about pre-OP narrators, let’s talk about the OP. As I said, Antares isn’t even CLOSE to Tau Ceti. It’s not a special star. So why do you talk about it?! There’s no BODACIOUSNESS in this anime. All I see are miniskirts. As thousands (read: tens) have pointed out over the years (read: weeks), I came here to see BODACIOUS space pirates – not MINISKIRT space pirates. WHERE’S THE BODACITY?!

Nevertheless, with Marika’s development occurring at a rapid pace, there is a slight chance that she’ll become an ASS-KICKING, CIGAR-SMOKING, BUBBLE-GUM-CHEWING BODACIOUS SPACE CAPTAIN by the end of this show. Who knows? I do, because I have exclusive access to the pre-air of the final episode of Mouretsu Pirates – episode twenty-six – five months before it airs to the general public. You mad? I’m mad. The OP is about love and sex and peace and hippies. Not PIRATES and war and PIRATES and fighting and PIRATES. PIRATES.

tl;dr: I was lying about the exclusive access to the pre-air of the next episode of Mouretsu Pirates – episode seven – two days before it airs to the general public part. If you were angered/spoiled by my post, feel free to comment below saying that, ‘I was very angered because I thought you actually had exclusive access to the pre-air of the next episode of Mouretsu Pirates – episode seven – two days before it airs to the general public!’ or ‘I am an idiot because I was spoiled by your post that doesn’t contain any spoilers!’

P.S. I still remember back when @Cr4zydave spoiled my Steins;Gate experience by saying that what I was tweeting were spoilers. I didn’t even watch the episode! Those were just my random thoughts! And he spoiled the episode I didn’t watch by saying that my random thoughts were spoilers, thereby confirming that they were true and spoiling me! :(

P.P.S. What I’m saying is, fuck Steins;Sub was slow. And now their website’s gone. They even linked to me in their website. :(

P.P.P.S. Count the images in this post. DAMN RIGHT, SEVEN. Is this a coincidence? DAMN RIGHT it wasn’t

P.P.P.P.S. The funniest thing in this post was that you presumably read it