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After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

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French Marriages Will Soon Lose Their Sanctity

The French Parliament has approved a bill to legalize same-sex marriage, which means that all heterosexual marriages in that country will soon lose their sanctity, people will stop having or loving their children and their entire society will collapse.

French lawmakers voted to legalize same-sex marriage Tuesday, despite vocal protests from some conservatives opposed to the step.

The nation’s lower house approved a marriage bill, which would also give same-sex couples the right to adopt, in a 331-to-225 final vote.

They cast their votes after impassioned speeches by lawmakers for and against the legislation.

President Francois Hollande, who pledged his support for same-sex marriage on the campaign trail last year, will have to sign the bill before it becomes law.

Hollande has already said he would sign it. That will make nine European countries will marriage equality. And amazingly, the sky has not fallen, civilization has not collapsed and straight people still seem to be getting married and having kids. Who could ever have predicted that?

You know, in France, you can’t have a religious marriage unless you first go to a townhall and have a secular, irreligious ceremony celebrated by a member of the municipal council.

Marriage lost its sanctity during the revolution: we made it a secular affair between burning the Bastille and cutting Marie-Antoinette’s head, it has been a godless contract for over two centuries and I never met a single french Catholic (or Jew, or Muslim, or whatever) who objected to this state of things The people complaining about it are indulging into what we call “Le Bal des Faux-Culs” (need I translate?)

The PACS [the French acronym of the Civil Solidarity Pact] was introduced a decade ago by France’s then-Socialist Party government. Parliament approved the measure only after a fierce debate because, although its wording was deliberately ambiguous, the arrangement was understood mainly as a way for gay couples to legalize their unions even though under French law they are not allowed to marry.

In passing the law without making it specific to gays, however, France distinguished itself from other European countries that have approved civil unions or even marriage for same-sex couples. As a result of that ambiguity, the PACS broadened into an increasingly popular third option for heterosexual couples[…]

Perhaps more important as an indication of how French people live, the number of heterosexual men and women entering into a PACS agreement has grown from 42 percent of the total initially to 92 percent last year [2008].

That will make nine European countries will marriage equality. And amazingly, the sky has not fallen, civilization has not collapsed and straight people still seem to be getting married and having kids.

Ah, Ed — you misunderstand and thus this contains a contradiction. We can know that the sky has fallen and civilization has collapsed WHEN gay marriage is legalized. There need be no other result after that. Ca suffit; c’est assez.

Church marriage/religious marriage in the U.S. is not legally binding is it? I mean, don’t you have to have a gummint document that’s signed by a gummint official or proxy?

A proxy like your preacher, you mean?

In any case, marriage lost sanctity in Germany in Bismarck’s time – the man didn’t want the church to have that kind of power.[*] Ever since then, until a few years ago, it was illegal to have a church ceremony if you weren’t already married by the civil authorities. (These days, it’s no longer illegal, just irrelevant.)

Of course, we still don’t have marriage equality :-(

[*] A somewhat related reason that Austria isn’t a part from Germany (apart from a short while under Adolf from Austria): Bismarck[**] didn’t want to have so many Catholics in the population, so the unification wars stopped short of Austria. (Not that Bavaria isn’t already deeply Catholic …)

[**] And yet that same conservative authoritarian pretty much single-handedly created the modern welfare state in the 1880s. (Of course, the reason was to try to stop the rise of socialism.) Yep, you heard right: the welfare state is an invention of the right as a weapon against the left. Somehow, neither the right nor the left remember.

Pretty much all civil law countries have mandatory civil marriage. The US should have it too. It’s totally stupid for preachers to act as notaries. Just get married at city hall and be done with it.

Britain has something inbetween. Certain large denominations can perform legal weddings, but there are also secular celebrants (who are government employees) to perform secular weddings. They already make up a very large percentage of ceremonies and are increasing every year.

janiceintoronto“My wife and I are considering marrying a horse, a dog, and 3 other people…”
I hate to point this out, but as of 2013 that’s all mandatory. You obviously haven’t been paying attention to the hourly Mandatory Informational Broadcasts on the telescreen. Representatives from Marriage Canada will be at your door momentarily, Citizen.

Britain has something inbetween. Certain large denominations can perform legal weddings, but there are also secular celebrants (who are government employees) to perform secular weddings. They already make up a very large percentage of ceremonies and are increasing every year.

My understanding, having been to a few different weddings in Britain is that the Church of England (and possibly the Church of Scotland) can conduct weddings without government involvement since establishment means they are part of the state. Other religious ceremonies can be legally binding but a government official known as a registrar has to be present and to countersign the paperwork. At my cousin’s wedding in a Baptist church I noticed the registrar shuffling his forms during the sermon in a way that made me think he was rather ostentatiously showing he was unconnected to the religious aspect.

heterosexual marriages in that country will soon lose their sanctity, people will stop having or loving their children and their entire society will collapse.

I’d also add that this means that all straight couples will suddenly be mandated to start practicing anal and oral sex as well as fisting. Wait till I tell my SO.. oh wait darn it, I’m not married any more so this doesn’t effect me!