Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart,only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

She took a deep breath and stood up boldly to face the crowd. She looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who had been standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

10. After slugging down six Shirley Temple's in 10-forward, Wes stumbles to the holodeck, which he commands to "take me to hell." His broken body is later found on the empty holodeck in a pool of vomit.

9. Wesley gets gang-raped by a group of female Klingons.

8. Riker gets carried away executing an order from Picard to "knock the little snot around a bit."

7. Data catches him tossing off. Uncomprehending, he requires a detailed explanation from Wesley, who dies of embarrassment.

6. Extensive lab analysis of a green slime found on one of the control panels uncovers the fact that our favorite ensign has, once again, been picking his nose. He is summarily fired and commits suicide.

5. Wes gets gang-raped by a group of male Klingons.

4. On an earlier episode, Wes got to kiss a girl who turned into a Chewbacca-like creature. Here, she returns, and they once again get involved. (Un)fortunately, once she gets really heated, she mutates back into a wookie and forces Wesley to be her cringing sex slave. She then tears him limb from limb and eats him.

3. In a rare episode involving characters from both ST and ST:TNG, Spock attempts a Vulcan mind-meld with Wesley. Wesley's head explodes. Spock barely survives, spending the next several days scratching himself and whining.

2. Worf notices a Romulan ship on the scanners, and sends Wesley down to clean out the photon tubes. Later, someone makes a comment about the needs of the many having outweighed the needs of the few.

1. Wes gets involved in a deviant sexual practice known as "tribble stuffing," not realizing that tribbles multiply any where. Even an emergency laser enema by Dr. Crusher fails to save him.

10. Playing Jimi Hendrix in the Holodeck while Geordi is there and using appropriate psychedelia on the walls to drive him crazy9. Skeet shooting the shuttlecraft8. Plugging Nintendo cartridges into Data7. Giving Worf A nuggie6. Ordering Pizza from Domino's then going 30 min. into the future just to piss them off (haha, free pizza!)5. Secretly replacing the Dilithium crystals with New Foldger's crystals4. Reprogramming the computer to play the theme to Jeopardy during self-destruct sequence3. Watching Captain Picard do his Mr. Clean impression2. Calling down to the transporter room, ask if they've beamed aboard Prince Albert In A Can1. Tribble sex!

Chakotay:Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right tocross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.

Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.

Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.

Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.

HoloDoc:How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I didn't evenknow we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that it would havebeen nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if it hadremembered to turn me off!

Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe.

Data:The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20thcentury Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal shouldhave been

totraverse the distance without interception by any kind ofcombustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as towhy any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon aconveyance normally reserved for the usage of . . . yes, sir.

The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.

Hugh the Borg: Maybe it just needed a big hug!

B'Elanna:I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the bleeping regulations of bleepingStarfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!

Picard: There are four lights!

Q: Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer.

Uhura: Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?

Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional?

Chekov: It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for the billionth time . . . did I scream this time?