just like Moby Dick, but shorter and less whale-oriented.

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It was bound to happen. With 500 million people on Twitter, eventually the trend would reach the holiest person on the entire planet. Also the owner of the biggest hat. At last, the Pope has joined Twitter. Going by the handle @pontifex, the Pope*will be tweeting “what he wants to tweet.” For those of you […]

DEAR NATHAN: I’m 13, and a few weeks ago I met a guy online, got his number and we texted — a lot. Before I knew it, we were flirting up a storm. He lives in Tennessee and I’m in Texas. He’s the same age as I am, so I don’t see anything wrong with […]

On July 20, 2012, James Holmes “allegedly” (apparently the definition of “allegedly” has been expanded to include “absolutely, without a doubt, did this thing”) walked into a midnight showing of “The Dark Knight Rises” and began firing. He killed 12 and injured 58 innocent movie patrons. As one might imagine, this has made Holmes the […]

Dear diary, Have you ever had a feeling that would not go away? Of course not. You are just a book and not a living being like myself. Well, let me tell you, diary. It is no picnic. There are days when, no matter what I do, something just nags at me, eating away at […]

Dear Diary, More than once in my life, I have been called dumb by a human. They seem to think that I can’t hear them when they say things about how I don’t understand what is happening. I, of course, can. I have gigantic ears, one of the many advantages God has given to dogs. […]

I am not the most social person in the world. I know what you’re saying. “But how can a person that delightful and engaging be mildly antisocial? He seemed like a charming raconteur who would eagerly share a tale of whimsy with anyone. Why, I would have assumed he would be the life of any […]

Things no one should ever trust: A snake telling you to eat a piece of fruit Someone that ends a sentence with “Trust me…” A man with a top hat who constantly twirls his handlebar mustache Really, anyone with a mustache Cats A person telling you that you’re going to buy a farm and raise […]

Growing up in Kansas City, I was taught three important lessons. First, Kansas City barbecue is the best. Other places will try to say theirs is the best, but the sauce is watery, the meat is dry, and, worst of all, their portions are far too small. A portion of barbecue is meant to be […]

As a child, there was type of book that always held my interest: Choose your own adventure books. In these books, you follow a story and then at pivotal plot points, you would decide what the main character did. We are going to attempt an experiment here on The Life and Times. This is the […]

The following letter is intended to be tongue in cheek. It is not meant to be taken seriously. Please do not take it seriously. In response to the Supreme Court ruling in favor of the Westboro Baptist Church‘s right to protest funerals, I have written them a letter. I do NOT, in any way, agree […]