Pages

Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Philosophy of “Not Serious”

For as long as I can remember, I’ve
always been a pretty “serious” person. In fact, I’ve only recently begun to
realize how serious I have been my entire life. The funny thing is, before
coming to Thailand, I didn't consider it very much because “serious” always served me pretty well. I don’t think I was ever
an intensely serious person, but most things I did involved an element of
seriousness because that was how I showed I really cared. Being serious and
showing a strong work ethic was how I earned the trust and respect of others.
American culture seems to support this mentality. If you work hard enough and
put enough work into something, you’ll be successful. And, even if you aren’t
successful, you’ll still be respected to some extent because everyone loves a hard-working American! I’m not necessarily saying that hard-working and serious go hand-in-hand, but
they are linked by an element of focus, and focused people tend to be perceived
as “serious” at times.

Here in
Thailand, “serious” does not seem to serve me well at all. “Serious” doesn’t
seem to serve many Peace Corps Thailand volunteers well. Sometimes we can have
the best intentions and just want to show we care by working really hard, and
it only ends up distancing us from our Thai counterparts. At least, this was
the case for me. My first semester at site I tried my normal approach to work,
which was to show everyone how hard I could work and how dedicated I was. Not
only did I run myself into the ground a little bit, but I think that it may
have really intimidated my co-teachers and kept us from growing close at first.
I was unhappy because working really hard and pushing really hard wasn’t
getting me anywhere. They didn’t really seem to value my work ethic very much,
even though they seemed to realize that it was important to me for some reason.
In all of my past experiences I could usually “prove myself” via work-ethic in
almost no time at all. Here it just wasn’t working out that way.

I don’t
know why things are the way they are here, but in my experiences, many of the
Thai people I have met just do not respond very well to “serious.” Thailand is
the “land of smiles” for a reason. Almost every emotion can be handled with a
smile. If you are uncomfortable, a smile will do. If you are sad, go ahead and
smile. If you don’t understand, laughing is just fine. Everything must have an
element of “sanuk” (fun). As recently as a few months ago, this was one of the
things that irked me the most about Thailand. Americans are usually taught about
the importance of directness. If you feel a certain way, communicate. Let it
out! Not in Thailand. I have yet to see any serious displays of emotion here. I
have been struggling for a long time trying to figure out how to adapt my
American self in Thailand. The solution that I finally seemed to stumble upon
was to just not be so serious. Easy, right?

It’s one thing to realize it, but
completely another to put it into action. I’m not sure when it started, but one
day I started just smiling along with the rest of them when things started to
get a little “too serious” or personal. One distinct example was last week when
some of the village girls pointed out how hairy my legs were. My honest
reaction was humor. I laughed and then we discussed how many American women
shave their legs, but it’s almost unheard of for Thais to do this. Another
example was when me co-teacher mentioned the probability that we would be
working on Saturdays again this month. I assured her that it was “not serious”
and not a problem. I wish I knew the Thai equivalent of “roll with the
punches,” because that was how I genuinely felt about it. Instead I stuck with
“mai bpen rai” (forget about it/no problem, no worries…it can be translated in
several ways). To me, not being serious equates to letting go, and I’ve been
doing a lot of letting go here.

It’s amazing how much easier life
has been since coming to the “not serious” realization. My co-teacher told me
so often last semester, “mai dtong bpen seriat” (don’t be serious/you don’t
have to be serious), and I’m finally realizing that it’s not personal, it’s
just another way of handling situations as they come. This “not serious” way
happens to work really well in Thailand. It was hard initially to not see it as
avoidant, but I think I’m starting to get it. Work ethic has its place, but
relationships come first here. If the relationships aren’t there, working hard
will only get you so far. Not being so serious is growing on me a lot as I
start to figure it out a little bit. I still have my moments, but I’m smiling
and laughing a lot more. I’m feeling lighter and more open and accepting of the
way things are here. I’m realizing the positivity and progress that can come
from lightening up and letting go.

3 comments:

i really enjoyed this post and definitely sympathize. i've had my struggles on this front as well. and still sometimes think in response to the comment "mai dtong serious," well actually, "dtong." i also sometimes think "mai dtong sanuk dalot welaa." but usually, i am successful at being o.k. with the fact that although my co-teachers' and my ultimate goal is the same, the path and time it takes to reach that goal can be pretty radically different. usually. ;)