(Berlin, Germany) European astronomers were ecstatic today as the
Venus Express spacecraft successfully went into orbit around tennis
star Venus Williams. This is Europe's first mission to that heavenly
body; the United States has been probing her for years now. A mission to twin
Serena is planned for next year.

The spacecraft's innovative infrared camera is able to penetrate
the thick layers of clothing on Venus, revealing the secrets that
lie on the surface. Researcher Hans Keller described some of the new
findings, "We always suspected there were two large mounds towards
the north pole of the body's surface, but now we have proof. They
are beautiful," he added.

First images of the surface have just been released on the ESA's (European
Space Agency's) website, and amateur astronomy fans have also made
them available for download on peer-to-peer filesharing networks. Enthusiast
Jack Pimpleton commented, "These pics are awesome!" Drooling on his keyboard,
he confessed, "I can't wait till they release a video of the fly-by."
ESA scientists confirm that a movie made by the spacecraft is being edited to help fund future missions. Keller noted that "The video will require a
subscription to our website for $29.99 a month. But 15 second clips will
be available for free."

NASA scientists are watching the European mission with interest, but have
even more ambitious plans for themselves. "Venus is great," explains specialist
Rob Rover, "but she's nothing compared to the asteroid landing mission launching
next week." The project's goal is to reach one of the larger asteroids in the
Kuiper Belt, nicknamed "Alba" by scientists. The revolutionary plan calls for
a spacecraft to not just photograph Alba, but to actually "Drill down deep inside the asteroid," according to Rover.

The Venus Express mission will last for about a year, at which time the spacecraft's batteries are expected to become drained and flaccid.