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Saturday, 28 February 2015

There's a list as long as a...long list...of things that Perth's Tired Lion have achieved in their career so far, including releasing quite an impressive debut EP All We Didn't Know, playing at Singapore's Music Matters and supporting a whole bunch of bands across this large country of ours, but I kinda think the most important thing is what happens when you hit play on their tracks, and the latest one; 'I Don't Think You Like Me', the first single from their second EP, is no exception to that thought. It's immediate nod inducing guitars, dirty harsh chords followed by the impressive take no prisoners voice of Sophie Hopes, which throws you straight into the angry sick of it all partly-grungy-partly-pop days of the 90s, which is always a great place to visit. With tracks like this, I'm not really sure how they could question anyone disliking them.

Jo Michelmore gives 'I Don't Think You Like Me' three and a half Alanis heads out of five...

Friday, 27 February 2015

There will be those times in your life where you hear a song for the first time and you just have to stop what you're doing, throw your hands in the air and scream, "YASSSS!" Now, I know I'm an old person who shouldn't even know about this whole YASSSS thing and I kind of even hate myself for going with it, but that's just the power of a song like 'Just A Story' by emerging Sydney music maker, OKENYO. There's only love (and a whole lot of it) for this track, which grabs you with a magical atmosphere from the get-go. An engaging, borderline-Japanese inspired musical arrangement leads into the introduction of OKENYO's oh-so-soulful vocal stylings and you're hooked. It's right here from the opening moments that you'll know this is an artist you'll be jumping on board with. It's right here that you'll know this is an artist destined for big things and a bright future.

"Walk down the path and slide down the slope, when this all passes it will be just a story." Described as, "a tongue-in-cheek comment on being suffocated by another's desire and the rituals of relationships," 'Just A Story' is the lead track from OKENYO's debut EP, Mirage. I'm pretty confident in already calling it one of my favourite EPs of the year. If the other tracks are even half as good as 'Just A Story', we're in for a delicious musical treat. I'm also thinking OKENYO can bust out a pretty powerful and soulful ballad, so fingers-crossed. I don't ask for too much, do I? Anyway, it continually blows my mind that Australia is home to such incredible talent and OKENYO will surely rise to the top in short order. Her music packs one mighty punch and it's only the start of her story. I can't wait to see how it plays out.

Thursday, 26 February 2015

In 2015 we like to pretend Taylor Swift and Katy Perry have some kind of epic feud and Azealia hates Iggy and Kanye likes to argue with anyone at any award ceremony given the chance, but I have decided the best battles happened in the 80s. No, not Michael v Prince, not Tiffany v Debbie, not even Russia v the US of A, the best fights were fought with a soundtrack. Because everything was a lot simpler in the 80s. No poorly spelt apology tweets. In the 80s, there was only one way to resolve a fight. And that was by dance.

In 83, Michael Jackson was just chillin at home in his keyboard t shirt when the neighbourhood gangs had enough of each other’s toothpick chewing ways and decided to fight, by holding hands and knives. Thank goodness for Michael and his orange leather jacket or the constant spinning and ineffectual flailing of weapons may never have stopped.

It happened again in 87 when Michael was innocently prancing through the mysteriously empty subway with his pack of acid wash clad youths, when they stumbled across a ticket inspector demanding to see their proof of fare. No ticket no journey. Well they weren’t standing for that and a fight with the authorities turned into a dance battle involving the splits, roller skates and black leather. Thank goodness for MJ’s crotch grabbing talents, which put the inspectors off, or he would have faced a $30 fine. Except it was probably only $5.50 in the 80s.

Fighting must run in the Jackson family, because in 89 Janet was also pretty serious about her battles. She formed an entire army of dancers in ‘Rhythm Nation’ who were clearly pulled together to fight the common enemy…nations with no rhythm?

All Pat Benatar wanted to do in 83 was hang out with her underage boyfriend, cut her pretty dresses into rags, dance with her strumpet friends and wear every accessory in her wardrobe, at the same time. But sleazy white vest wearing men wanted to get in her way. As they did in the 80s. Thank goodness for Pat, her manic arm movements and boob waggling ways. No gold toothed man could stand in her way.

And in 87, one of the greatest musical genre fights of all time was fought. All Aerosmith wanted to do was rock and all Run DMC wanted to do was rap. Thank goodness for the hip swinging and somersaulting that Steven Tyler performed and the tricky double high-five above his head that Run DMC pulled off and the classic fight of hip hop vs rock was won. By music. Yes.

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

This picture accurately reflects the way Katie feels about the term "bucket list".

I Got a Dirty, Dirty Feeling

by Katie Langley

I did something over the weekend that made me feel dirty. Not quite Christina Aguilera dirrty, more like when you realise you’ve been humming along to a song by the Hilltop Hoods and get a little shudder down your spine dirty. What did I do? I used the expression “bucket list”. Vomit.

Working in an office environment you either become indoctrinated with the latest corporate buzz words and slang, or you find yourself actively rebelling against it and making a mockery of it at every opportunity. There are no prizes for guessing which category that I fall into. My equally skeptical colleagues and I like to keep a running tally of expressions used across our various companies, and always get a chuckle to see how quickly they can spread from business to business. Here’s a little selection for you –

Doesn’t it make you cringe? You can see now why I was so disappointed in myself for dropping the “b” word. It was, however, used in the context of musicians and bands I want to see. Who might those be? Well, let me tell you.

Ministry

This is the band that I get to cross of my buc- err- must see bands list this Sunday at Soundwave. Will it be everything I hope for and more? I hope so; otherwise it’s going to be me and a bunch of sunburnt old goths standing around eating dagwood dogs reminiscing about when they were good.

Die Antwoord

As much as I need to see this quirky duo, I absolutely refuse to have to go to a dance music festival and mingle with shirt-less roided-up meatheads in order to do so. I’m not being unreasonable, right?

Peaches

Is Peaches ever going to come back to Australia? Am I ever going to know the joy of watching her perform onstage while her giant bush protrudes out of short shorts?

Har Mar Superstar

I know that I have told this story before, but I’m going to tell it again. I had tickets to see the one and only Har Mar Superstar but the tour was cancelled. There was so much sadness and disappointment. And there still is.

Spice Girls

I’m a girl and I grew up on 90s music. I refuse to provide any further justification.

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Do you like surprises? When it comes to music, I'm a big fan of listening to albums that take turns in some unexpected directions. Know Your Destiny, the debut album from Melbourne's Chris Cavill and The Prospectors is one of the nicest surprises I've been treated to in some time. It's a very personal album comprised of music jam packed with genuine emotion and stories of life, love and loss that we're all likely to have experienced at some point in our lives. But far from being the expected folky-Australian collection you might think you're stumbling into from the beginning with the instrumental 'Cooktown Sunrise', Know Your Destiny expands into territory that makes it largely unidentifiable as a single genre. It makes for a highly enjoyable listening experience as Cavill and principal Prospectors, Michael Maguire and Dave Cafarella, embrace elements of folk, country, reggae, rock and blues and roots. There's a lot of hats being worn here, but they're all stylishly pulled off and it makes for a timeless assembly of tracks you'll find yourself wanting to hear more and more.

While you wouldn't call Know Your Destiny easy-listening (which is apparently code for 'oldies' these days), the album is definitely easy to listen to. 'Across The Border' is enough to leave you completely relaxed. There's smooth harmonies in the vocal lines, driving percussion that finds the right balance to not be overbearing and strong lyricism in lines like, "all that we know is what keeps us alive." Cavill's skills as a songwriter are one of the album's major strengths throughout. You'll also find yourself loving the ukulele and harmonica more than you thought you were ever going to. This revelation will occur on the third track, 'Midnight Train' which features Ben Smith. Coming across as so much more than just a typical ballad, Melbourne itself becomes one of the song's leads, seedy lanes and all, on one of the Know Your Destiny highlights.

'Loretta' brings the bluesy guitars to the fore, as Cavill gets his croon on with the promise that, "most of all, yeah, I will be here 'til the end." If the Loretta in question is Cavill's wife, he's doing the whole husband thing better than you. We move from romance to straight up rock and roll with 'Out On the Water' and 'Lov'Em Til You Die'. These two would have to be major crowd-pleasers at a Prospectors live show, with that classic sounding guitar rock that you can't help but move to. Saving the best for last, we get two songs that are equally fantastic, but really couldn't be more different. At least in terms of story content. 'My Morning Grace' is from the perspective of someone so content, happy with their lot in life and of course it's happy... there's so much ukulele going on again. Cavill's literally singing about how all he sees is love and you? You're just going to have a big smile on your face and be happy for him, alright?

Compare that to 'San Diego', which is the low to the high of 'My Morning Grace'. "I'm only lost 'til I'm found, and right now seems so impossible, no one's going to find me now." Things do not seem to be going quite well, but it sure does make for a beautiful song. Top marks for the melody, lyrics and vocal performance. I say this a lot, I know, but the best way to end an album is with a memorable ballad and Chris Cavill and The Prospectors deliver that in spectacular fashion with 'San Diego'. For my money, it's the album's standout track. You're hearing someone pour their heart and soul into a track and you can actually feel that. There's a lot of debates about what makes 'real' music, but there's no doubt that this is real music. The same can be said about all of the tracks that make up Know Your Destiny.

Chris Cavill and The Prospectors left me more than pleasantly surprised with Know Your Destiny. It's a showcase for a group of talented artists that really know how to make that thing we all love (which is why you're here, right?), music. A highly recommended listen and I'll be looking forward to hearing more from the band and hopefully get a chance to see them live too. Go and give Know Your Destiny a listen.

Friday, 20 February 2015

Goddamn I like this song, from the very beginning. Would it be weird if I started my review like that, just declaring a love from the very beginning? Too late, done. I guess it’s because the love starts at the very start, with those guitars smashing their way out of the speakers in a totally inoffensive but oh so “listen to me” way. the drums delightfully pulling you through and Paul Donoughue’s voice offering a familiarity that comforts in the sweetest way. There is a beautiful sense of Australian in these sounds, a sense of subtle excitement and big, wide open spaces, the feeling of sun and blue skies and tiny white clouds and just the teeniest amount of bittersweet, with moments of life passing by that you desperately want to remember but can only feel instead, with just a little regret. The only regret I have is not discovering this song a little sooner. Oh well, I’ll just press play again and make up for lost time, starting now.

Jo Michelmore gives ‘Wedding Pages’ three and a half Kimbra heads out of five…

Thursday, 19 February 2015

I've always thought being in a band required a certain amount of ego. You write music, you play music and expecting people to be entertained by it takes a certain amount of self-confidence (and we already know what you look like so stop pretending to be shy, yes I'm talking to you Sia). The ultimate egos were probably in the 80s, being the decade of decadence and all. Ego and decadence go hand in hand. This can be evidenced by the naming of ones band and I see no bigger ego than naming yourself after an entire place.

Boston named themselves after the city they were from.

Lucky they weren't from this place in Pennsylvania.

Considering they are named after my favourite city ever in the world, I'm not sure why Berlin are not my favourite band ever.

Oh wait, that's why.

Chicago named themselves after the same place Oprah is from. That's all that city is known for, right?

But even Chicago itself is hoping for something better. They won't even give her an actual street name, just an honorary one.

And probably as egotistical as Oprah, naming themselves after an entire continent rather than a simple place, were the Swedish band, Europe.

And yes, you'll now have that keyboard riff stuck in your head for a good 48 hours. You're welcome. Just be thankful it's not the Dannii Minogue version.

I feel like I've written about Our Man In Berlin a bazillion times, which is probably because I have, if a bazillion equals about ten times. Falling into our little hands and ears in 2013 was one of my musical highlights of that year for me and it was probably close to this time last year I was already predicting they'd be a highlight of 2014. My prediction was right and now that it's 2015 and I've heard the first sounds of what will be their second EP, Spirit Down, to be released mid year, should I predict the same thing again for this year? With the frenetic keyboards and understated but oh so important driving bass line of 'Molière', with Hayden's unmistakable, spine tingling vocal and a little bit of manic organised chaos to round the 'Molière' journey out, Our Man In Berlin are proving they'll be another highlight of my musical life this year. And, well, let's face it, when every song is as good as this, I'm going to be writing about them another bazillion (and hopefully more) times yet.

Wednesday, 18 February 2015

I sat across from fellow bloggers Matt and Jo on Saturday night describing how I can be a bit particular and pedantic before announcing that “I definitely have OCDC”. Their reactions were immediate – intense laughter and absolute mocking. This continued for the remainder of the evening, and I can imagine they won’t let me forget it any time soon, so I'm getting in first with the gag before they do. Ha!

As much as it pains me to admit it, and I can’t believe I’m about to type the words… it’s certainly not the first time I’ve got it completely wrong.

Unless you lived until a rock during the 90s you’d be familiar with “Boom! Shake The Room” by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince. It’s got that catchy as hell chorus where you find yourself (usually after a million drinks) waving your hands around in the air like a malfunctioning clock while you scream “tic-tic-tic-tic BOOM!”. Well, I spent close to 20 years (oh my god, how old am I?) thinking that during the song ole Will says “pump it up, Chris!”. Imagine my absolute shock and horror when I was informed that he is actually saying “pump it up, Prince!”. What can I say? I thought Chris must have been the sound guy.

For years I had also been singing “who’s got the fastest lightning?” every time I heard “Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting” by Carl Douglas. It made sense to me. You need to have lightning fast speed when you’re doing kung fu and ninja moves and I always thought it was a bit of a sarcastic poke. WRONG. The actual lyric is “those kicks were fast as lightning”. Personally, I like my version better. Sorry, Carl.

There was also a period of time were I managed to completely butcher some lyrics in Eskimo Joe’s “Black Fingernails, Red Wine”. I think their style change and move away from the complete simplicity of the likes of “Sweater” threw me off. Yes, I’m delaying and weakly trying to provide an excuse. I must admit, I did think it was a little strange that Kavyen was saying “I don’t understand the point of fingers” but reasoned that maybe these were the kinds of things he liked to contemplate after drinking red wine. Yeahhh, no. He’s actually saying “all of us stand and point our fingers”. Come to think of it, I might have been drinking red wine when misheard those lyrics.

The moral of the story? No matter how hard I try to tell you otherwise, I really don’t know the lyrics and I don't have OCDC. Actually wait, the moral of the story might be that I need to get my hearing tested. And stop drinking.

The thing is, I pressed play on this clip by Andrew Swift, because I saw a picture of Mr Swift and thought I’d better check it out, considering I might need to tell my fellow blogger and beard fan, Katie, about this guy and his facial fashion. Well, aren’t I glad I’m a good friend because what I discovered, the sweet sound I heard from Andrew and his beard aren’t quite what I was expecting, but were SO delightful nonetheless. A ballad to a long lost love, ‘Sound The Alarm’ is a song that screams sweet love but whispers a little heartbreak, the organ that drives throughout gives such a sense of bittersweet I’m a little overwhelmed by it all. The beautifully shot clip is just as dreamy as Andrew’s words, the wistful lights and dancing a perfect little fairy-tale vision to match the enchanting sounds of the song faultlessly. I think I could listen to this a hundred times over and still feel a little sentimental at the end, these are three minutes I’m so glad I’ve heard and seen. Oh and beside all that, he has an awesome voice, an impressive beard AND he can dance, Katie, if you happen to be reading.

Jo Michelmore gives ‘Sound The Alarm’ three and a half Jack White heads out of five…

Catch Andrew Swift as he tours the country (ok just Victoria and South Australia) over the next few weeks!

Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Since we first heard 'I Am Not An End' and 'I'm A Fantastic Wreck', we've been big fans of Sydney's Montaigne. Then we got to hear her debut EP, Life Of Montaigne and we were even bigger fans. So now we're like her biggest fans ever or something. Deal with it. Anywho, our current Artist of the Month took some time out while she's touring alongside Megan Washington to have a chat about Life Of Montaigne, albums to save in a zombie apocalypse, The Jonas Brothers and more. Enjoy!

MONTAIGNE

Interview by Matt Bond

Montaigne! Welcome to It’s My Kind of Scene. How are you on this fine day and what have you been getting up to?

Montaigne: Today? I have been working my casual job, had a nice vegan wrap for lunch, and went to my favourite Japanese restaurant with my boyfriend. Pretty solid, standard day.

Let’s start with an easy one; what music have you been listening to and loving lately?

Don't stop believing, Montaigne. Don't. Stop. Believing. Your debut EP, Life of Montaigne was released late last year and it was a beautiful introduction to your music. What would you say is the driving theme behind the five tracks and what was it like getting your first collection of work out into the world?

Montaigne: There are many driving themes to this EP. The great, overarching one is inner conflict - having feelings for someone and dealing with the reality that those feelings are unreciprocated; being aware of your flaws and trying to accept them and not being able to do so and being frustrated at your inability to do so; being told your qualities or identity is wrong, or inadequate, or offensive even though you’re sure they’re not and dealing with the confusion and frustration that comes with that; general disillusionment about life. It’s pretty serious. Most of my songs are serious.

I’m going to be totally selfish and ask about ‘A Cinematic Plea For An End’, because I can’t stop listening to it. What’s the story behind this particular song? It seems like it could be one that ends with me wanting to punch someone in the face for you?

Montaigne: Oh no no no no. Don’t worry, no punching needs to be done. Unless you want to punch me in the face, but I feel like you’d not do it if I asked you. The song is mostly a letter to myself. It’s 41% Hollywood fiction, 59% autobiographical. I have always been a romantic idealist (I possess a small degree of realism, or at least rationality now) and that outlook always used to get me into an emotional place that isn’t good for me. Nor for my relationship with the person for whom I have feelings. The song, plotwise, is about party 1 in a relationship expecting party 2 in the relationship to come running back as happens in movies, but party 1 isn’t actually doing any work or self-development that merits the triumphant return. And party 2 doesn’t like that. But ultimately, party 2 acknowledges that it is important that party 1 make this mistake so that they can learn from it and become a better person, a better lover. That’s what life is right? We fuck up so that we learn from it and do it better next time. I sped, got some harsh speeding fines, and I’m never going to do it again. I tried whiskey once, it was awful, I’ll never do that again. I once communicated poorly in a relationship, massive consequences, I’ll never do it again. That, too, is a big part of the EP.

For the record, I do not want to punch you in the face and if you asked, like you said, I would politely decline. ‘I’m A Fantastic Wreck’ was your first music video! How did you find the process of putting a clip together? And can we expect to see a video for any of the other tracks from Life Of Montaigne?

Montaigne: I didn’t myself put the clip together, I acted in it, but the idea, editing and direction were all Guy Franklin and John Gavin and their team. It was really cool though. The location was majestically rustic, the team was lovely, and even though it was so cold I had to wear a down jacket and two bath robes and cradle two hot water bottles in between takes, it was cool to get done. In terms of other videos, there will, I think definitely, be at least one more.

You’ve
got a busy tour schedule building up at the moment. Megan Washington’s
There There tour is underway and your own headline tour kicks off April
23 in Brisbane at The Milk Factory (woo!). For the uninitiated, can you
tell us about the Montaigne live experience? And how have you found
touring with the likes of Megan Washington and San Cisco?

Montaigne: I don’t have anything fancy going on visually just yet, it’s all about the music for now. I play with a full band and people seem to really enjoy the music. We’ve got a pretty big sound, which I am proud of. At the moment we’re playing the EP and five other songs I’ve written, and I don’t want to sound arrogant but we sound really good. People should be allowed to admit their strengths, right? People should be allowed to declare that they are good at things. We happen to be good at playing together, and at playing my music. I love touring, a lot. I love playing to people and singing and meeting people and finding out that my music actually makes people feel something meaningful. I like hanging out (and occasionally falling asleep) backstage, I like hanging out with the other artists and meeting their bros. I really like it.

People should be allowed to admit their strengths! Just not in a Kanye way. Maybe. In between touring and shooting videos and hopefully relaxing every now and then, are you hard at work on new material? Can we expect another release from you this year and if so, what kinda release are we talking about? We’re not so secretly hoping for a debut album.

Montaigne: There maaaaaay be an album either end of this year or early next. I’m writing always so, take that for what you will.

If you had to pick five albums that have shaped who you are as a person (or if the zombie apocalypse happened and you could only grab 5 albums to keep with you forever), what would they be and why?

1. Go by Jónsi - this is the sound of life to me. My view of the world is quite optimistic, probably because I’m quite a fortunate person, but I see a lot of beauty in the world. In people, in nature, in music. I believe everything is connected somehow, in the way that children who don’t know each other will immediately socialise with their peers when taken to playgrounds by their parents. Artificial barriers are created when we get older I think. This song reminds me to try to revive my child-like spirit, my free and uninhibited youth. Of course it’s not an easy thing to do in this society of ours, but it’s good to keep that idea painted on the borders of your mind. This album helps.

2. Takk… by Sigur Rós - TRANSCENDENT. That’s all I can say.

3. Pure Heroine by Lorde - because that was the soundtrack to my transition from adolescence to adulthood, and it articulated everything I felt about that period of my life, and a stretch before it, and I really like how unashamedly adolescent it is. Adolescence is probably one of the most important parts of your life, it’s definitely a formative part, and though we do and think so many shitty things during this time, there’s no shame in it. People are allowed to make mistakes. Of course, if they don’t seek to improve themselves after making mistakes, that’s just not acceptable. But if they do, forgive them. Move on. Life’s too short. Moreover, not all teenagers are vapid fools. Lorde proves that in many things she says. One of my favourite lines of hers, about being a famous teenager, is: “Only bad people live to see their likeness set in stone, so what does that make me?”

4. Neon Bible by Arcade Fire - because I don’t think I could live in a world where I don’t hear the song No Cars Go. The rest of the album is also immensely important to me.

5. High Violet by The National - Depth. Depth depth depth. Depth.

Quick Hits:

A song guaranteed to make you dance is…

Montaigne: ‘Come On Eileen’ by Dexy’s Midnight Runners.

Your favourite songwriter would have to be…

Montaigne: Owen Pallett.

Which means the song you most wish you had written is…

Montaigne: Not one of his! I mean I definitely wish I’d written some of his songs, as with any artist I admire, but I really resent the fact that I didn’t write ‘No Cars Go’ by Arcade Fire.

If you could play any festival in the world you would choose…

Montaigne: Coachella would be gr9.

Your ultimate music guilty pleasure is…

Montaigne: I don’t really believe in guilty pleasures, but something that others would perceive as something I should feel guilty about is probably ‘Lovebug’ by the Jonas Brothers. I had a HUGE Jonas Brothers phase.

When they air Montaigne’s MTV Behind The Music special 38 years from now, what will they say about you?

Montaigne: I actually have no idea. I don’t really know how other people perceive me. I think they like me??? But that’s it.

I think it's more that people love you. Anyway, thank you so much for stopping by and answering our questions! And also for the music. Especially for the music.You can catch Montaigne on her first headline tour this April! Check out the swank poster below for deets...

Monday, 16 February 2015

There’s always been a certain romance associated with the rock band, the insane schedules, the endless journey on the road toward the sun and fame with your musical besties and the sweet adventures that come with that lifestyle. The reality of that is probably not so romantic, I’m thinking a lot more drive-thru dodgy food and arguments than sunsets on the coast and the tales of highway roadhouse bathrooms are probably stinkier than sweet adventures. It’s nice to dream of the rock star lifestyle though, and Art Of Sleeping have thrown a little romanticism in with the transit lounge floors in their clip for ‘Crazy’, a song which has hopefully been sneakily making its way into your earlobes recently, like all good bluesy rock should. The driving guitars and the drums that hold the whole thing together match the imagery perfectly, the indie rock sounds match the vintage rock clip perfectly, all the while making me want to start a band, see the Art Of Sleeping and go on a road trip. I don’t foresee a road trip anytime soon and starting a band may take some time, so hopefully this Brisbane five piece will be hitting the road again with the release of their debut album mid-year and I can take care of at least one idea.

Thursday, 12 February 2015

Long before mini-Sia Maddie-whatsername was flailing around manically dancing to big-Sia songs, there was a decade called the 80s. In that decade there was a guy called Michael Jackson who thought he could walk on the moon via the moonwalk (which was probably better than some of his other ideologies), there was a whole movement of people who liked to view the world via dance, mainly from the floor, commonly referred to as breakdancing and there was a movie based around the entire concept of dancing, of the dirty kind (which is not dirrrty with three r's Xtina early 00s style, but just a little cute). RIP P Swazye.

But they were the big dances. They were the ones that would have been snappchatted like there was no 1990, had snapchat existed in the 80s. Actually, I'm pretty sure #dirtydancingfail would have gone viral numerous times over, should the hashtag have meant anything in 1987.

The dances you were less likely to hashtag fail and see on the light up dancefloor of your favourite club? Well, there was the ever popular running man, which involved...running but not running? I don't know, but it's kinda mesmerising gif style...

There were also the beginnings of what Madonna turned into vogueing, which involved looking a little bit like this kid...

Who was doing that long before this kid got his diva on...

There was slam dancing, if punk was more your style, which developed into moshing and looks sort of ridiculous when a whole bunch of people do it together...

But looks even stupider when done by ones self...

The butt was a good one, because anyone with a butt could do it....

Which Miley and Bieber took to a whole new (not necessarily good) level in 2013...

And probably my fave, because it happened waaaaaay before rap got all same-same-not-same-but-same...

The Humpty, from 1989, when rappers used to dance and just have fun...

And one more, because it's my all time favourite, from the very end of the 80s, which needs absolutely no explanation, just a pair of baggy pants. Hammertime*. Break it down. Can't touch...

*Can't guarantee won't be stuck in your head for several days following you reading this. You're welcome.

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

Just like Slim Shady I’m back, back again. You should definitely tell your friends. Or is that back like the Backstreet Boys… Alright! Whatever. Feel free to insert the tragic 90s lyric of your choosing. The point is this - I took a little hiatus from blog world, but I’m ready to sizzle once more. Hooray! Yes, that’s right; I’m ready to over-share details of my personal life while loosely and ridiculously finding some sort of musical theme. That is, after all, the essence of the K-Tizzle Sizzle. Oh yeah, and pure venom I sometimes like to spit.

I wish I had more of an amazing tale to spin about my absence over the last couple of weeks, but the truth of the matter is I got a little bit (read: a lot) lazy. Actually wait; I have had a bunch of other stuff going on i.e. starting a new job, getting sunburnt knees, objectifying beards (a blog post for another time), trying a new hair colour, discovering the joys of tranny bingo, sweating, and forming a trivia team called Trivia Newton John.

In amongst all of these weird and wonderful adventures there was a little something called the triple j Hottest 100 which took place. You may have heard of it. I spent the day with fellow bloggers Matt and Jo sitting in a pool of my own sweat at the latest hip and happening music venue in Brisvegas wondering if one hour was too long to wait for onion rings (FYI it is, and by the time I was brave enough to move from my chair for fear of having a giant sweat patch on my arse the onion rings had gone). I don’t have too much to say about the final countdown itself other than SNORE, WHO THE FUCK IS THIS, WHAT’S A CHET FAKER, WHY AM I LISTENING TO THIS, and WANK WANK WANK.

I want to talk about what everyone has been talking about: Taylor Swift. You didn’t think I would let this opportunity pass me by, did you? Some might say that the wonderful Matt has already provided readers with an insightful, balanced opinion piece on the topic and no further discussion is required. Some might say that this is old news and I should really get with the program (or the 411, or whatever it is the kids call it). To those people I say, do you know nothing? This is the K-Tizzle Sizzle – I will sizzle on whomever I feel like, whenever I feel like it. A little like R Kelly.

I absolutely love the idea of scamming the Hottest 100 countdown, and having something completely silly and unexpected make it to number one. What I take issue with is the idea that Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” was the song that was going to metaphorically stick it to the hipsters. PUH-LEASE! Look, I’m all for bringing down the mason jar drinking, bread board as plate using morons of this world, but anyone who fell for this has been totally conned. Newsflash people: hipsters love Taytay (urgh, who started that nickname). This was a ruse started by hipsters, for hipsters, in an attempt to get an artist into the countdown who is kind of cool to like.

Riddle me this – if it was all about shoving a giant pie (a kale one, perhaps?) in the face of a hipster, then why not vote for the likes of Justin Bieber? Or Ariana Grande? Or Pitbull? I’ll tell you why, because Taylor Swift is a cutesy-cute polka dot wearing, vintage bicycle riding, cold pressed coffee drinking, man bun loving (hello, Harry Styles) hipster.

Forget about the Illuminati. We’ve got bigger problems on our hands: hipsters.That's what people say, mmm-mmm.

P.S. In a month I might talk about Kanye West and The Grammys. I've got my finger on the pulse.

That just about sums up the return of one of our absolute favourite acts with the banging new single 'M.O.B', another preview of Tkay Maidza's upcoming debut album. If you treated yourself to Maidza's Switch Tape Mixtapelast year, you'd have been teased with the goodness of what the full track would bringand oh does it bring the goodness. You'll get pretty early on what M.O.B. stands for, but that's just to grab your attention. The track is really a statement about Maidza's achievements through working hard to get herself ahead, while continually pushing herself to higher levels. And hey, the lady has proven over the past 12 months that she's just going to keep on getting better and better. We're all for Maidza sticking with a hard working attitude, because it means we'll keep on getting these ready made for the d-floor jams.

'M.O.B.' picks up right where 'Switch Lanes' left off. We get to hear Maidza's talents as a vocalist as well as marvel at her fast and furious skills as a rapper. The music is what I imagine would be the result of a battle between a contemporary techno DJ and whoever helped out No Doubt during that random dancehall 'Hey Baby' stage they went through. So what I'm saying is, it's spectacular and perfectly suited to Australia's fastest rising dynamo. As always, it's best to leave the rapping to the actual rap superstar, but we the people do get to singalong for the chorus and I'm sure we'll be hearing a whole lot of music fans yelling, "money over bitches" around town real soon. Maybe we'll even get to hear it next 'Straya Day, when Tkay storms back into the Hottest 100. Something to look forward to, yes?

Thursday, 5 February 2015

I'm glad C is so early in the alphabet, because really, it's best if
we just get this out of the way fairly quickly. While we currently have the (boring) battle of Swifty v Perry, the 80s had other great rivalries. Coke v Pepsi, Corey v Corey, Stallone v Schwarzenegger, I'm sure there were others, but the best were the great pop battles. Michael Jackson named himself the King of Pop because the title Prince was already taken, by Prince, and there were two women fighting out the title of Queen of Pop. One thinks she won, but we all know the real truth.

Because while it took another twenty-five years for Madonna to complain about being a girl...

Cyndi Lauper knew all along that being a girl is all about the fun...

And while Madonna spent the 80s performing some of the worst choreographed moves of the decade...

Cyndi sung a song to Madonna about not being afraid to be such a bad dancer...

And while Madonna has spent the past 30 years pretending to be all women empowering and bad ass...

Cyndi managed to be women empowering and a little bit bad ass, right from the very beginning...

Put me in a time machine and throw me back to 84 and I would have sad it then, Cyndi is where it's at. Sure, Madonna ended up with the Queen title, but quite simply, Cyndi got the songs that I love to sing at karaoke and that makes her the winner. End.

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