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Monday, 28 May 2012

How to avoid getting angry at your kids – 4 tips.

Being a mum is hard. I know, I have four children! It's a lot of work, and it's easy to get stressed out sometimes, and get angry at them. If you do get angry at your children, you are not alone. I don't know any parents who have never lost their temper. But we know anger isn't good for our children, so here are four tips to help you keep your cool.

1.
Check what you are really
angry about:

Sometimes we are
already angry about something else in our life, and the kids pick up
on this and they feel anxiety because of it. Then they behave badly
because of their anxiety. Then we overreact because we were already
angry to start with. It turns into a bad cycle, and it is not fair
on the kids because it is not their fault and they may feel it is
their fault. This is what you have to do: First deal with the thing
that is really making you angry. If you can't deal with it straight
away, decide to deal with it at a later time (like when the kids are
at school, or they are asleep). Don't let it ruin your time with
your kids. If you do slip and get angry at the kids, apologise to
them, and let them know it wasn't their fault. It is good for them
to learn how to apologise when they make mistakes, because they learn
through modeling your behavior.

2.
Expect and Accept that kids will be kids:

Usually when we get angry at our kids
behavior, it is because we expected better from them. But it is in a
child's nature to explore, experiment and push their boundaries. It
is how they learn and grow. So you must expect mess, chaos and
noise! That is just how kids are, it is reality. Once you have
accepted that you can look at ways to prevent and minimise the chaos,
and deal with it when it inevitably happens!

If you are a new mother, you may have
expected to continue the same type of lifestyle you had before you
had kids. Maybe you are now frustrated that you cant live that way anymore. It can be easy to get caught up
in stress and despair at this new life you now have, being a mother,
and not knowing how to cope. Becoming a mother is like being thrown
in the deep end of a swimming pool, nothing can prepare you. The
sooner you accept the new changes in your life and swim, the better.
Being a mother doesn't mean your life is over, it is the start of a
new different life. Being a mother can be an amazing, fun and
fulfilling journey... so embrace it!

3. Prevention:

Do what you can to
prevent meltdowns. If you know what is triggering the children's
behavior, or what is triggering your anger, you can take steps to
prevent it. For example if the children are always fighting, you
could teach them how to share by taking turns, or offer rewards or
praise when they are playing nicely. If the children are tired
and grumpy around dinner time, preventing you from cooking, maybe you
could prepare dinner earlier in the day, or change the kids bedtime
routine.

Keeping a routine
helps, children are more content and settled with a routine. It is
also good for you because not being organised leads to stress.

Remember if you
feel calm and happy – your kids will feel better too. Good and bad
moods are contagious!

Have
some clear rules and discipline strategies. Be prepared by deciding
how you will deal with your child's behavior before it happens again.

4. Deal with your emotions:

Find ways to calm
down:

When you are feeling stressed, take deep, slow breaths, count
to 10. Try to relax and be patient. Look after yourself, and don't take on too much work. Try exercising, it will help you feel calmer. Putting on some
music is also good to change the mood to a happy one. I like taking
my kids out to the park, sometimes getting out of the house helps.
Never punish your kids while you are
angry. When you are angry, you are not thinking straight, and you may say or do things that you will regret. Instead, tell them:
“I'll think about your punishment”, then take some time to cool down and gather your
self.

Change your
self-talk:

Your self-talk is
all those random thoughts that pop up in your mind. If they are
negative thoughts, they are making you feel angry, depressed and
frustrated. Here's how to change these thought patterns into
positive ones: Get a notepad and draw a line down the center. Write
the negative thoughts on one side. Go through the negative
statements and write positive statements on the other side of the
paper. Here's an example: “My kids are so annoying! I really
need a break!” Change it to: “I'm blessed to have these
beautiful, amazing children in my life. I am enjoying this short
time with them while they are still young.” After you're done,
read the positive statements everyday, morning and night. Read them
with full belief and emotion as if they are true. These positive
affirmations will become true, they will change how you feel very
quickly.

I hope these tips
help you. Please leave a comment if you have any other tips,
questions or comments on “anger management”! Thanks :)