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Topic : Foster Parenting

Are you a foster parent or interested in becoming one? Are you considering adopting your foster child? Share advice and support with others here.

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Suggestive Reading

We became foster parents a few years ago with the plan of adopting. All of the parents we attended training classes with were totally set on adopting children under the age of 5, or specifically adopting babies. We didn't have a preference, because we just knew we wanted to be able to help a child in need of a home. &nbsp

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We adopted our youngest daughter at the age of 5 - she is now 10. We adopted our older daughter at the age of 11 - she is now 15. The youngest daughter is absolutely awesome - I couldn't have asked for a more well-behaved child! &nbsp

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Our older daughter, on the other hand, has been a problem for the last couple of years. Drugs, alcohol, running away - all kinds of damaging behavior. I truly believe she has Reactive Attachment Disorder, and she has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This child is not afraid of ANYTHING, and will do anything to please others. If you are considering adopting an older child, get EVERY detail about their childhood history, and read all you can about Reactive Attachment Disorder. These children needs lots of patience and understanding - and I mean ALOT. Our daughter recently ran away from a faith-based drug rehab center she had been in for 4 months. She was missing for two weeks, until finally turning herself in to authorities. While on the run, she did some horrific things that disgust me. We have her in an adolescent psych. facility for a few days of evaluating until she goes into a behavioral treatment facility for 6-9 months - IF she doesn't run away from there. We are to the point where she can't be in our home right now until she comes to an end of herself. My biggest concern is that my 10 year old is very impressionable, and I have a 16 year old son with ADHD who my older daughter has influenced as well. &nbsp

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My husband and I caught the last 20 minutes of Brat Camp on TV last night, and I could see how my daughter would relate to some of those kids with all of her history of hurt and rejection. This has defined who she is, and I've tried to tell her that her behavior is a choice and she has the power to change how she reacts. She won't listen to me. Any thoughts or comments? I'd love to hear them. &nbsp

This book was recommended to me because it addresses ADHD because most children with ADHD don't fit the classic parenting discipline and child bearing rules.

THE STRONG WILLED CHILD by JAMES DOBSON. I have read several other books by him. He's great and has a sense of humor. Not the typical lecture style reading.

I actually found the book at SAM'S!! Black and gold cover. He specifically targets the defiant children at either age 5 or 25! ADHD children that don't comprehend action vs consequence. Do things out of spite or to be the ruler.

I am a foster mom that is going to adopt

I am a foster mom, and have been for the past 11 months. I am the foster mother of a 12 month old boy, he is the most terrific baby. I am in the process of adopting him. He was born addicted to cocaine and has had a few problems, and I do not know what the future will hold for us, but I am willing to do this for my child. He has been going to physical therapy for seven months and finaly learned to crawl, he has also been evaluated by our local infant learning center, I am very fortunate that I live in a community that supports early intervention for developmental delays. Because I have made this life long decision to take care of this child, I have decided to go back to college and get a degree in early childhood development, so that I can be better prepared for what difficulties may lie ahead. My goal for the future is to help other foster parents that are faced with the challenges that I have and provide them with support.

Need Advice

Back in October CPS took away my niece's 2 kids (boy 3 1/2 and girl 1 1/2). My husband and I offered to take them into our home. We have only been married since September and had started trying for a family of our own, but may have to put that off. We will have the kids for at least a year according to CPS. Then after a year if my niece doesn't do what she is suppose to, her rights will be terminated.&nbsp

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The kids were taken away because of my niece's drug lifestyle and the condition of the house where she lives. The kids seem to be in fairly good health, but have never really been to the doctor. They are both a handful. Neither of them will listen and have screaming fits that are uncontrollable. He is 3 1/2 and still not potty trained. I am 30 years old and have basic knowledge about how to raise a child, but no actual experience. According to CPS, we are not to physically discipline the children at all. We can sit them in time out, but no spanking.&nbsp

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My husband and I are both at our wits end and don't know how to control these children. It has only been 3 1/2 weeks, but they are not getting any better and their Mother is not doing anything on her part to fix what is wrong so she can get them back. This makes me think that she really doesn't care and it may come down to where she loses her rights to them and they will be adopted out to someone. I want to say that my husband and I will be the ones to adopt them, but what if they don't get any better and we can't control them. Also, we can barely afford having them 2 and we want kids of our own. I feel horrible for saying that, but I just don't know what to do. I don't mind taking care of them, but I don't feel like I am helping. Yes, I give them food and a place to sleep, but I feel there is something else they are needing and that is why they act the way they do and I don't know what that is. Most people say it is because of the situation, but they acted like this before CPS took them away. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.&nbsp

RAD

Looking for a MA foster family

I am a graduate student at Boston University writing a paper on the state of foster care in Massachusetts. I am looking for a foster care family to observe and profile. Please contact me at amostue@bu.edu if interested. I appreciate your attention to my request.

the only thing that isn't hopeless is the beauty of adults reaching out to me

Sorry it took so long to get back here, I've been having problems with my computer and lost my ISP, so now I have one that works. CPS is very difficult. It is bad that you had to go through all of that. I dont think your husband can get child support from you if you if sign away your rights. BUT, he has to be willing to let you sign them away. If he isnt williing, then I would fight it if you can. Did you check out the site: http://forum.fightcps.com ? Type this site address name on your browswer and it will take you right there. Go to "Investigations" and type your post there and someone will answere you. I am sure there is someone on there who can give you more information about how to deal with these situations. When children are taken away from their natural parents it is a big adjustment to them and they WILL act out because they want to be with their parents. Once false accusations are made on someone and it is reported to CPS you are in for a huge battle and in most cases, it is hard to win. You have to jump through hoops and loops all the time, and you end up losing everything you have to try and fight the system. I would highly reccomend that once you get your case closed with CPS/DHR that you get your name "expunged" off the list of registry. This site will also tell you how you can go about doing that too. I hope things are better for you. I am sorry you are getting a divorce because of this. Keep in touch and let me know how things are going for you. jb7ctx

I cannot tell you how embarrassed I am that I didn't know you had posted such loving advice. I really want to thank you..

This is incredibly hopeless. The older girl went into a psych hospital again in October for 15 days, and my estranged spouse accidentally let it slip on the 12th day that he was on his way to visit her. He doesn't believe he's obligated to even keep me informed....

If you get a moment, please send me some good energy during the holiday season.

Possible Foster Parents

WE are thinking about beconing foster parents. What are the pros and cons? We have 2 daughters 4 and 18 months how will they be affected and should we wait until their older. Also what age is best to foster when you are first startibg out?

julibriggs

I cannot tell you how embarrassed I am that I didn't know you had posted such loving advice. I really want to thank you..

This is incredibly hopeless. The older girl went into a psych hospital again in October for 15 days, and my estranged spouse accidentally let it slip on the 12th day that he was on his way to visit her. He doesn't believe he's obligated to even keep me informed....

If you get a moment, please send me some good energy during the holiday season.

HI!! Happy Holidays!!! Keep your feet in the ground and keep reaching for the stars! Things will get better, one day at a time. Season Spirits!!! I am sending you some good energy!!!

Rad.........

Can you speak to the child's pediatrician? Perhaps they can recommend a therapist...

Hi there! Some of my adopted children from the foster care/CPSand DHS. Some of them had RAD,ODD,POD,Schysophrenia,bipolar and about to be instutionilized. Isaac Anthony came to live withus in Jan. and by Marxh 26th no meds and ........I just remembered I'll send you the link. Click below. I have another child......legaly blind.deaf, perthese disease,hydropheuous,epilepsy. This another awesome story but in a nut shell she isn't as retarded.....and she is out of the wheelchair and makes A's & B's. She came to us like a wild child......we named her JOY. :o)

What am I getting at lORD willing he'll grow out of this disease with unconditional love and Patience....either way with know doubt you need it if he has it. Hang in there!