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Sunday, 28 December 2014

I haven’t blogged in a long time because… I had my second
baby! Things have been busy around here. Right now I’m nursing the two-month-old
and typing with one hand. My three-and-a-half-year-old is asleep. I’m exhausted
and should probably get to bed as soon as the baby is ‘milk drunk’ – you know,
when they come off and look at you so satisfied and relaxed and then pass out
immediately - but I want to share something with you about parenting my two
children through nursing.

Yes, I still nurse my ‘older’ child. Just this morning I was
thinking about how big he is getting, how mature. I mentioned to my partner
that nursing him seems and feels a bit weird these days. His mouth is huge
compared to the newborn’s and his latch has changed a lot in recent months. He,
too, has noticed a difference and will often say that the tube isn’t in the
right place or it’s ‘not working.’

Tube? Yes, tube. I have nursed my son for three-and-a-half
years using an at-chest supplementer because I never had a full milk supply.
For the last 18 months we’ve used water in the supplementer instead of milk.
Jacob likes the flow of it. He loves to nurse, but not if there’s nothing
coming out. It has worked for me and it has worked for him, so this is what we we’ve
been doing.

This time around I have more milk, although still not as
much as the baby needs. I nurse the baby first (with a different supplementer
and donated human milk), and then nurse Jacob if he wants it. Initially after
our baby girl was born, Jacob wanted to nurse all the time. Sometimes that was
tough, and often it was sad because I had to just say no – baby needed it
first, and he wasn’t used to that.

I won’t go into the gory details, but will say that tonight,
after Jacob caught a horrible stomach bug that left him empty and us with a lot
of laundry to do, I suddenly became ever so grateful that he still nurses. He
refused to drink water out of a glass and the same went for juice, which is
normally a much-anticipated treat in our home. He was scared and upset at
having been so sick, over and over again. He wasn’t grown up or mature-looking at all. Sure, he is
an ‘older’ nursling compared to an infant, but he is not ‘old’. He is a three-and-a-half-year-old LITTLE boy who can't yet tie a pair of laces or even manage to open our sticky front door. Why would he be too old to nurse? Through nursing this evening, he took in a good amount of water
plus some much-needed antibodies from the bit of milk he got from me. I’m
relieved that we don’t have to worry about dehydration at this point.

So tonight I uttered some strange, strange words as I was putting
Jacob to sleep (nursing, of course!): “If you want to nurse in the night, just
wake me up, ok?! Even if the baby is fast asleep!”

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

This past
weekend my family and I attended YoniFest, a wildly successful birth conferencein beautiful rural Quebec. This was the first ever YoniFest, but I’m sure it
will not be the last. Every aspect of the festival came off without a hitch. I
was invited there to speak about trans* pregnancy, birth, and infant feeding.
The conference organizers were clear from the beginning that they wanted the
gathering to be welcoming and inclusive, and it truly was.

The day
before the opening ceremony, the person who was in charge of interpreting the
proceedings into English approached me to talk about the best language to use –‘
parents’ as well as ‘moms,’ and ‘people’ in addition to ‘women’. At the
ceremony, my partner turned to me wide-eyed when he heard her say ‘parents’. We’d
never been included like that in a birthy setting before. There were beautiful
and empowering statements about the strength and oneness of women, as well as
plenty of space for our family and others to be celebrated, too.

On Friday I
presented a 15 minute personal talk on a panel alongside Ina May Gaskin,
Betty-Anne Davis, and Whapio Diane Bartlett. I tried to give the attendees an
idea of what it is like to access health care when you are trans* and pregnant.
Everyone seemed absolutely ready to listen and learn, and I believe the message
got through. Many people thanked me afterwards, but one woman’s comments stand
out in particular. She said I “changed her world” ­– she used to be a
missionary and comes from a traditional background. She told me that the
discomfort she had previously around the concept of trans* pregnancy was erased.

The
following day I gave a two hour workshop on how health care providers and birth
workers can assist trans* clients. Again, the response was awesome!
Participants asked important questions and we had a great discussion.
Michel Odent made me super nervous by sitting in for part of the session! Thankfully,
a dear friend provided a familiar smiling face near the front of the room.

A few
conference participants mentioned to me that they have friends or friends of friends
that are trans* men who have given birth. I noted that one woman used the wrong
pronouns when she initially mentioned her trans* acquaintance to me (I inwardly
cringed but didn’t manage to say anything in the moment), but she used the
correct ones *after* she attended my workshop. She always knew what the right language
should be, and said as much to me, but somehow “got it” in a deeper way.

CBCRadio-Canada came to do a piece on YoniFest and asked to interview me, which
was fine, but also hilarious... The very first question for me: “Do you know
what you’re having?” (Meaning, does baby have a penis or a vagina?) I explained
to the interviewer that I had opened my talk the previous day by discussing this
exact question. She smiled and seemed to think that was nice.

Workshop
highlights for me included learning from Kathleen Fahy of Australia about
postpartum hemorrhage (active vs. physiological management of the 3rd
and 4th stages of labour) and Whapio Diane Bartlett on the holistic
stages of labour.

Possibly the
most impressive sight of the whole weekend was all the partners racing around
watching kids so that others could attend workshops. As we attendees sat in
open tents, we saw families zooming by, dads running back to the car to get a
new pair of pants, down to the river to cool off, back to the hill to play soccer,
scooping up the toddler who fell on the play ramp, wearing baby on the back
while carrying toddler on the shoulders and holding hands with the
pre-schooler... Others volunteered at the daycare, and stayed there the whole
weekend instead of trading off so that the littles would have the best possible
continuity of care.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

I'm thrilled that Yonifest is nearly here! For those who don't know, it is a radical birth conference, taking place in a small town in the stunning Quebec countryside. I will be speaking, along with the likes of Ina May Gaskin and Michel Odent!

I'm particularly excited to attend because I'm 27 weeks pregnant myself – perfect timing for me to be surrounded by birthy energy, take in new information and inspiration, share what I can, and then return home to focus on my own powerful journey. I haven't attended Yonifest before, but it seems to have a special community vibe. People camp in tents at the festival site, bringing their families along as they wish.

The middle of a pregnancy is a significant time to lead a workshop for midwives, doulas and other birth workers. Much of what I share will stem from my personal experience as a trans guy about to have his second child. Like, how I had trouble getting into obstetrical triage at the hospital a few weeks ago when my midwife wanted me to have a particular issue looked at. Or the time when it took 20 minutes to convince the clerk at a medical supply store that I did, indeed, need compression stockings for pregnancy.

In my workshop I'll be teaching participants how to communicate effectively with trans* clients and how to be a good ally. We'll talk about gender dysphoria and pregnancy, lactation after top surgery, and inducing lactation in trans* women, among other topics.

We are
Researching Transmasculine Individuals' Experiences with Pregnancy, Birthing,
and

Feeding
their Newborns

If you
are interested in more information

or if
you would like to participate:

Please contact
Joy.Noel-Weiss@uottawa.ca or

Trevor MacDonald - tmacdon3@uottawa.ca

Please note: This study is in English only

This study has been
funded through the CIHR Institute of Gender and Health

M

I am
the research coordinator for this study titled, "Transmasculine
Individuals' Experiences with Pregnancy, Birthing, and Feeding Their
Newborns:
A Qualitative Study". The researchers are Joy Noel-Weiss and Michelle
Walks. The study has ethics approval from the University of Ottawa
Ethics Review
Board. I have been involved in designing the research study, and I am
conducting
participant interviews. I will work with Joy and Michelle to analyze the
data
and write the final papers that we will publish. Our research team also
includes lactation consultants, MaryLynne Biener and Diana West, and
midwife, Alanna Kibbe, each of whom have experience working with trans*
clients.

We are trying to understand
what works and what does not work - especially how nurses, physicians,
midwives, and lactation consultants can better help transmasculine individuals.
Your participation would involve 2-3 interviews – one or two to tell your story
and then a final interview later to confirm the findings. The study will be
only conducted in English. Participants will remain anonymous in all published
material. If you are interested in more information or would like to join the
study, please email me at tmacdon3@uottawa.ca, reply in this thread, or send me
a private message.

Anyone who self-identifies
as transmasculine and has experienced or is currently experiencing pregnancy
and birth is eligible to be involved in this study. There is no requirement
regarding transitioning or method of infant feeding. Transmasculine individuals
who planned their transitions after pregnancy and birth, as well as those
individuals who transitioned before pregnancy and birth, are eligible to
participate.

Please feel free to share
this post with anyone who you believe may be interested.

Sincerely,

Trevor

This study has been funded through the CIHR Institute of Gender and
Health

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

La Leche League International has published a clear, proud press release stating that men who meet the necessary qualifications may apply to be Leaders. Men are now eligible to apply.

From the press release: As an organization dedicated to helping babies breastfeed, the expanded
eligibility criteria demonstrates La Leche League International’s
commitment to assisting even more parents breastfeed their babies.

Monday, 21 April 2014

I think? Maybe? The title of this post might better read,
“Unclear News From La Leche League, but it’s an Update of Some Sort.”

La Leche League Canada has published a media statement about
a change in leader eligibility. Exactly what the change is, we don’t know. The
press release states that LLLC’s new approach has come as a direct result of an
update from La Leche League International, LLLC’s governing body. From LLLC’s
statement:

In
recent weeks the La Leche League International Board of Directors has updated
their internal Policies regarding eligibility to apply for leadership to be
consistent with their Bylaws Preamble: “LLLI is a worldwide, educational,
nonsectarian, nondiscriminatory service organization which has been
incorporated in Illinois as a general not-for-profit corporation.” LLL Leaders
have breastfed a baby for at least nine months and have demonstrated a
commitment to the philosophy of La Leche League.

So, this is vague, as it doesn’t explain
what the update in policy actually is, but there are a few items of note. We
know they probably didn’t update leader eligibility policies to be consistent
with being “worldwide” or “educational”: the organization has met both of those
ideals for decades. I’m also quite sure you could argue it has always been
nonsectarian. Therefore, I’m going to guess that the update in policy has to do
with nondiscrimination. I’m hoping
that it has to do with gender, and that it means that an individual of any gender can
now apply to be a La Leche League Leader if they meet the necessary
qualifications. (get caught up by reading LLLC's previous media release about the eligibility of transgender applicants)

The next sentence is very, very
special: “LLL Leaders have breastfed a baby for at least nine months and have
demonstrated a commitment to the philosophy of La Leche League.” Gendered terms
such as woman and mother are nowhere to be found. If
you’ve spent any time on LLL web sites or working with LLL, you will know that
this is rare, and very probably done on purpose.

At the end of its press release, LLLC
states that it has updated its own policies to be consistent with LLLI’s
recently made change, and to be “in
keeping with the Canadian Charter of Human Rights and Freedoms and the Canadian
Human Rights Act.” It is still not affirmed specifically that people who do not identify as women may apply
to be Leaders, but I’m going to hope that this is (at least part of?) what they
mean!

I was unable to find a related press
release on LLL International’s site.

Wednesday, 1 January 2014

The hardest part about nursing my child as a trans person is
that doing so forces me to come out to anyone who sees it happening.If I nurse in public, people come up to me
and ask what I’m doing. I guess they think that because I’m doing it where they
can see it, this means that I am willing and available for questioning. It
doesn’t occur to them that Jacob and I are nursing because we need to, because
he has hurt himself or is very tired and I need to calm him down. If I nurse in
front of a guest in my home, I feel obligated to explain a bit of our
backstory.

Those of you who follow me on Facebook might have noticed
that I’m rather dog-obsessed these days. We have a rowdy ten-month-old puppy
that was having major behavior problems until he recently was diagnosed with a
thyroid condition. I hired a professional trainer to come to our home and work
with us. Of course, she could only come during Jacob’s usual nap-time, when he
nurses a fair bit.

The trainer began her evaluation and then Jacob woke up
crying. I brought him into the living room, and as I sat down to nurse him, I
said something horribly awkward like, “Uh, we’re a bit of an unusual family.
Ummm… I’m transgender. I was born female but took testosterone. Anyway, so I
birthed him myself and I still nurse him.”

The trainer was wonderful about it. She said, “Oh, that’s
fine. Now I want to show you how to teach Tadoo to accept a muzzle.”

Unfortunately, I found this trainer difficult for unrelated
reasons, and located another one who was a better match for us in terms of our doggy
issues. She, too, was only able to work with us at a time when Jacob was
exhausted and badly needed to nurse. I could choose to either nurse him, or not
hear a word the trainer was saying to us due to continuous crying. I said another explanatory spiel and started to nurse him in front of her.

The trainer said, “Oh, I’ve seen everything, don’t
worry. I used to work as a nurse. A guy [sic] I used to work with was trans [a
trans woman].He [sic] and I got along
really well.”

Then came the questions.

“How much milk do you make?”

Fairly innocuous. I didn’t mind to answer that. I explained
that since I had chest surgery, I don’t have a full supply.

“Oh! I thought you’d gone the other way. I don’t know as
much about female to male.”

Then she said something like, “When are you going to go all
the way?” or maybe it was, “when are you going to complete your transition?”

Ian, my partner, told her that bottom surgery wouldn’t be
very good for our hopes of having another child. I mumbled something about the
risks of such a major surgery and then tried to get her back onto the topic of
dog training.

There was so much in what she’d said that made me
uncomfortable. I personally knew the woman that she had worked with, and I knew
she would be horrified at the trainer’s use of male pronouns for her. Further, I don’t
think of my transition as incomplete, but there would be no way to explain that
in brief to someone who believes that gender is firmly binary.

There was something eerily familiar to me about her
questioning. After her visit I remembered that medical professionals have asked
me those sorts of questions, and she was indeed a retired nurse. In a clinical
setting such questions are difficult because I can’t tell whether the
practitioner needs to know the answers to take care of my health concerns, or
if they are simply being curious (and inappropriate). I feel like I am supposed to respond fully.

Why did I feel that I had to tell my dog trainer I am
trans before nursing my child in front of her? It certainly doesn’t help
normalize what I’m doing. If it is normal, then why do I need to explain it?

Coming out to her started a conversation that I didn’t want
to have and led to her asking questions that made me uncomfortable. My
intention was to share this as one piece of information and to get it out of
the way, but that was not what happened. That said, I don’t believe that coming
out to someone should give that person a right to ask intrusive questions. If a
new acquaintance tells me, for instance, that she is a single mother, I do not
respond by asking her, “What happened to your husband? Did he pass away, or did
he leave you, or did you split up?”

My New Year’s Resolution: I am going to stop doing
preemptive explaining in this sort of situation. I am going to do what I need
to do, what is best for my child, and if someone is curious or confused about
it, I will hand them a card with my blog on it, where I have laid everything
out. I want to be an advocate and an educator, but I don’t need to continually
open myself up to personal questioning in my day-to-day life. I will be brave
and strong, and I will let go of my inner transphobia, embracing my own
normalcy.

The trainer was excellent with our dog, by the way, and we
have been making great progress.