Search

Sometimes I sit here in my room and I think “wow, how did this even happen?”

Sometimes I just wake up with a fantastic boyfriend, a purring cat, in my room that is all mine in style and comfort and think “what happened?”

I’ve come a long way from the girl who wore all black all the time (Okay, I still do that, but for other reasons now, I swear!), the girl who put tinfoil over the window to block the sun, the vegetarian angry at life hippie girl. I can look at all the metamorphoses I’ve lived through and I see that who I was then led me right up to who I am now.

Now, I’m happy. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. And even when I’m unhappy, I get to leave work or leave the situation making me upset and cuddle with Moon, or Andrew, and it’s somehow all okay.

I’m glad that I can recognize where things have gone right, instead of dwelling on the wrong all the time.

I used to be super excited about my job and getting up and getting there was a pleasure. I got to do something I enjoyed and I got some pretty cool perks along the way.

But lately I’ve found that my job is just that, a job – not a career.

I’m getting burned out and I’m not entirely sure what to do about that. I’m in a position where I’m making good money and my employer is willing to work around the fact that I’m a student. If I change positions, I’m looking at the possibility of less pay, worse hours, more actual work, and I don’t know if that’s even a remotely good option. But the problem with my job is that if I’m not enthusiastic about being there, they won’t want me there. It’s not the kind of job that someone’s expected to kind of hate. Not only that, but customers kind of pick up on that sort of thing, and sales is a huge part of my job.

I wish that I could give it up and work on campus or simply less. I’m sick of driving to the other end of the county to get to work every day (I know, I chose that). I’m sick of wearing the uniform. I don’t know what to do about it because realistically I should be making more money to keep up with my current lifestyle. And my rent might be going up in a couple months because instead of having 3 roommates I’ll be down to 2.

I’m really not entirely sure what I’m supposed to do about this situation.

Lately I’ve been realizing that I’m a “grass is greener on the other side” kind of girl. I always wonder how things are on the other side. Sometimes I think, shit, I should be single and doing whatever I want (except I tried that and it didn’t go so well. I’m happier now anyways). I think, man I hate my job, I should get a new one because all the other jobs out there could be way better than mine. I think wow, I could live in a really sweet apartment if I could save up enough money.

And then I start to get jaded and bitter. Why don’t I have nice things? Why don’t I have the coolest job ever with amazing perks and oh yeah, health insurance? Why don’t I deserve them? And it really gets to me.

But then I have to take a step back. I have to remind myself that I’m currently in the best relationship I’ve ever had, and I couldn’t possibly be happier. I have to tell myself that I don’t have the coolest career ever because I’m still in college. And for someone in college I have a pretty damn good job. What other 21 year old college student can say that they have a company matched 401(k), sick pay, paid vacation, and a double digit hourly income? I complain because I have to wear the company shirt, but really, I can live with it just a little while longer I think. I have to remind myself that I’m paying less than $300 in rent because I live in a cheap (for this part of town) duplex and I have three roommates. Yeah, I can’t wait to live on my own. But for now, its a pretty sweet deal.

So I need to take a deep breath, put on a movie, cuddle with my boyfriend with a nice glass of wine and just tell myself that most days, my life really isn’t THAT bad.

Okay, it’s been a little while since last update so here’s a general what’s up in my life kind of post.

I started school last week, and I have to say, I think I’m really going to enjoy this semester. I’m taking a lit class that’s probably going to be my most difficult, almost solely because its an online class. Personal finance seems like its going to be a challenge, but a rewarding one. Politics is going to be a breeze, and Sociology of Religion, well that’s just up my alley. Plus there’s two tests (both essay and take home) and one paper (five pages double spaced). That’s it. Easy-peasy.

I’ve also been on this swing kick. I have a feeling its been the company I’ve been keeping, but I’m really digging it. I’ve always been a fan of the era.

Ever get halfway through a blog post and walk away and come back and have no idea what you were going to say? Yeah. Oopsie.

Here’s my to do list for today. Maybe putting it here will help me actually finish it. Maybe.

Wake up and be ready to get out the door by 10 AM. Shouldn’t be hard.

Get my textbooks for next semester. This’ll probably be pretty time consuming, because I have to wait in line at the bookstore and fill out the paperwork for my textbook deferment. Oh, and I might get a new backpack.

Get over to planned parenthood and find out what I need to do/bring to become a client. Having no health insurance sucks when I also need birth control. But hey, I could always just snag some condoms right?

Clean my room. Seriously, I need to get all my laundry together at least. Because for god’s sake, I can’t see the floor. If I do nothing but clean up the floor I’ll be happy. This is where the list gets less important…

Organize/file all the paperwork that’s loose in a binder on my dresser.

Get rid of all last semester’s papers and get ready for next semester’s stuff.

Organize my necklaces

Organize my desk area

Organize my room better, in general.

The bottom of the list isn’t as important as the top, but maybe the feeling of crossing the top parts off will get me motivated to do the bottom parts.