Taco Bell: The Breakfast of Campeones

The Dawn of Taco Bell Breakfast

For those of you not ingratiated into the cult of Taco Bell, the recent news that the fast-food Mexican chain is about to start serving breakfast may not seem particularly noteworthy. But for myself, and other devotees of the crunchy, melty, spicy foodstuffs that comprise the regular menu, this is a revelation.

My friend and I would often joke about eating Taco Bell for all four meals of the day (I am referring, of course, to breakfast, lunch, dinner and fourthmeal, a late-night post-party meal invented by…well, you can probably guess). Now, our dreams have become a reality.

One needs only to look online, on blogs and social media sites, and see others’ reactions to realize that, for many of us, this is big news.

Like, the biggest news of the year…

The Twilight of American Food Culture?

Others, however, have had a more cynical reaction to the announcement. Comedians and late-night TV show hosts have mocked the idea. Doctors have blasted the health ramifications of regularly ingesting waffles, eggs, cheese and sausage doused in sugary syrup. And still others have taken the elitist position of saying that breakfast at Taco Bell is somehow culturally and morally wrong, that it represents the epitome of American excess and gluttony.

Now, while I don’t think such a breakfast would be “healthy” to eat once, much less every day, I don’t see anything wrong with the fact that it exists. I think it’s easy to take potshots at an edgy brand trying to take fast food to new extremes for the “extreme” generation of millenials that has become the restaurant’s target demographic. But I bet more than half of the people cracking jokes now will eventually saunter in to try a waffle taco, just like they probably did when the Doritos Locos tacos came out.

But while their working their way up to swallowing their pride (along with a bite of AM Crunchwrap) in the meantime, here is a review of some of Taco Bell’s new breakfast items.

Breakfast Breakdown – A Review of What’s New

AM Crunchwrap – The always-delightful crunchwrap (a crispy tostada shell layered with ingredients and wrapped in a grilled tortilla) gets an update here, with eggs, bacon or sausage, cheese and an impossibly crispy hash brown cake. With a little hot sauce to offset the richness and saltiness, this is everything I want in a breakfast – salty, fatty, spicy, and delicious. Rating – 10/10

Breakfast Burrito – It’s called Taco Bell and not Burrito Bell for a reason. I always thought the burritos here were under-stuffed and saggy, like sad little water balloons. This one didn’t improve the formula. Rating – 3/10

Hashbrowns – These are soooo good. A bit oily? Yes. But also perfectly crispy on the outside, hot and fluffy on the inside. If only Taco Bell served ketchup. Rating – 8/10

Cinnabon Delights – Like fluffy donut holes filled with that thin, white Cinnabon icing that seems to defy science by being 150% sugar. And I mean that in the best possible way. Rating – 7/10

Coffee – I’m not a coffee snob, and I usually think any coffee put in front of me will do the job. I asked for my coffee black and the guy behind the counter knew what was up. “Oh, it’s gonna be one of those kind of days, huh?” These are my people. Rating – 5/10