S.ex can be quite an anxious time for most of us. I once had a friend who sent her boyfriend home without any action because she wasn’t wearing glamorous underwear. Well truth be told, guys don’t really care about your lingerie as long as the action is good. In fact, here are other things that they genuinely don’t care about (and you shouldn’t too)…

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1. Any sounds your va.gina may make during intercourse.

Weird se.x noises are totally normal and the only way they’re horrible is when you stop mid-coitus to be like, “Oh, man. That was gross.” No, it wasn’t. What’s gross is having se.x one moment and then not having s.ex the next just because apparently you never shoved your hand in a tube of Gak growing up. This is what happens when you shove something into something tight and wet. Air escapes violently.

Weird se.x noises are totally normal and the only way they’re horrible is when you stop mid-coitus to be like, “Oh, man. That was gross.” No, it wasn’t. What’s gross is having se.x one moment and then not having s.ex the next just because apparently you never shoved your hand in a tube of Gak growing up. This is what happens when you shove something into something tight and wet. Air escapes violently.

Why should you be embarrassed to guide him? If something doesn’t feel right, or you need us to speed up or slow down, say something. No guy is going to complain about a little constructive criticism. Just don’t bark orders. There’s a difference between moaning, “F.uck me slower,” and saying, “To the left, you idiot.”

As long as our legs aren’t cramping up after 30 minutes of pumping away, don’t worry about how long it takes you to get there. The only thing that makes us feel more manly than making a woman come is hammering swords shirtless in our iron forge and most of us don’t have those anyway so it’s pretty much just this.

If your vagina literally smells like a field full of flowers, that might be a cause for concern. But a vagina is supposed to smell like a vagina. Plus, it’s not like Yankee Candle is ever going to put out a “Balls” scent, so we’re pretty much even. Most guys either actively like the way you smell down there or are pretty neutral on the whole thing.

Believe it or not, when we’re busy thinking, “Oh boy, I’m having s.ex,” we don’t have time to think about dumb things like whether or not you washed your hair. There’s no need to whip out 19 bobby pins and start styling your hair while you ride us. Just let it fall in front of your face and hit us in the eye. We don’t care. We’re having s.ex.

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