Mindy’s choice

I had not checked-in on her for two reasons. She’d been feeling ill the previous evening and since I know there’s a stomach bug going around, I thought maybe she had decided that bed was the better option over going to school. I also had not attempted to wake her because just the previous morning I had thought she was running late and woke her up only to be harshly informed that she had set the snooze and would get up in plenty of time by herself.

Reggie, on the other hand, was up early. For once, I didn’t have to check on him. He was in the shower and dressed before I even considered knocking on his door.

Consequently, both children needed to get to two different places at the same time.

Violet, because she was running late, had missed the bus that would take her to the career center, which was where she caught the bus to go to the greenhouses. If I drove her to the career center directly, she could still catch the greenhouse bus, otherwise, she would have an unexcused absence which is punishable by a public flogging or something equally dreadful and it would remain as a permanent scar on her record.

Reggie had to get to the High School. If he was late he’d be handed a tardy slip by the principal and would have to serve a detention, thus paying his debt to society and suffering no lasting consequences. He couldn’t have walked to school on his own, because it was raining and awful out.

I took Violet first and made Reggie late.

I cried all the way home. I had made Reggie suffer for Violet’s mistake and it had been a conscious choice.

All morning I tried to justify this decision to myself. Poor Reggie.

At 3:00 I went to pick them up after school.

“What’d they do to you? Did you get in trouble?”

“I got the guillotine.”

“Nuh-uh, or your head would be off,” Violet pointed out.

“I sewed it back on!”

“I’m sorry I made you late. What’d they do to you, really?”

Reggie shrugged. “I got lunch detention and I got my geometry homework finished. Thanks to YOU!” He gave her a dirty look.

“I’m going to ignore you now,” Violet responded putting on the headphones.

“Fine!”

I was glad everything was right between them. My own conscience, however, was not so clear. Sometimes the decisions we make as parents aren’t always the “correct” ones. Violet should have been the one to pay for her carelessness. If God is keeping score of the times that I have fallen off the Parentally Correct Decision Making Wagon, then I’m doomed to spend eternity in a much warmer climate. However, with each mistake, an adjustment is made and I am better prepared to commit the next one.

I felt this post. If you have more than one child, you struggle with prioritizing needs. I’ve made so many parenting mistakes that my children should have years worth of topics to discuss with their future therapists, and yet my children have monster truck sized egos.

Jenny–The kids are always sure to let me know when I’ve messed up. They’re always threatening (jokingly) to call CPS and report me for such infractions (e.g. buying that lunchmeat that had the olives in it). Someday one of them will be on trial for murder and their defense will be that I force-fed them olive loaf.

Lindsey–I kind of wondered why I wasn’t getting more of the blame. A couple of hours later, Reggie said, “We got out progress reports today.” Suddenly, I realized why he’d been so careful to keep me in a good mood.

Rosalyn–Thanks!! I’m going to enlarge your comment and tape it to the refrigerator door. (We’ll see how long it takes them to deface it).

Kim–It’s good that your kids have high self-esteem, that’s to your credit. As for the mistakes…I guess we just have to sigh and move on.

That was a hard one but you dealt with it beautifully. I too have experienced the “drive home in tears” scenario after particularly difficult mornings when EVERYONE is late. It’s a terrible way to start the day, but dinner that evening is usually peaceful as we all try to silently compensate for our earlier indiscretions. Good job!!

He’s a strong kid and he survived the detention! With humor too…I love that kid. It’s obvious that he didn’t hold it against you or Violet. Then again, your kids wouldn’t do that. They are too cool for that.

Situations like these make me very happy that AJ is an only child. I have a hard enough time getting one kid ready and out the door every morning! AJ’s godparents have 3 children — all of them involved in extracurricular activities. I have no idea how they manage to coordinate getting everyone back and forth with only 2 parents and 3 kids. ARGH!

Cindy–Parents adapt just as you have to AJ. If you had another—you’d adjust to it. The rewards are so great, despite the frustration, despite the guilt..despite the absence of that thing we used to call our lives. AJ is lucky, though, to have you all for himself.

At this school, you don’t have to “go in” to talk to the principal. Every morning he wheels out a little (what I call) cocktail cart, which has a big stack of detention slips on it and waits by the front entrance. ANYONE entering after the bell has rung is handed a detention slip and has their name taken down. I tried “explaining” once, but was refered to the handbook section explaining what is NOT an excused tardy. Besides, Reggie hates it when I brawl with the principal-he’d rather just do the detention.