motherhood

It is real cute to meditate, hold crystals and chant. This isdoing throat chakra work but that is not the only work that has to be done. Opening your throat chakra should be uncomfortable. Blocks do not move without resistance.

Opening your throat chakra is telling your mother she can no longer manipulate you. It’s telling her that you will not be guilted or shamed into obedience. It will be scary. Then it’s liberating. You start to feel at home in your big girl panties and matching pumps.

Unblocking the throat means telling your good girlfriend good-bye. You mean no malice but she has got to go. You are not a garbage can and she can no longer dump on you. Offer her a referral for a therapist or send her an invoice. Just let it be known that you love her but you can’t be around her. Do no harm but take no sh!t.

I remember when I first started standing up for myself. It felt weird to only consider myself and say what was really on my mind. It is most difficult with people you love. I often found that when my intention was to do no harm and I spoke my truth, I suddenly felt relieved. All these years I had been waiting to exhale. The major key here is that it doesn’t matter how the other person responds. Most of the time people respected what I had to say even if they were initially offended. And I was still okay when some people never got over it.

Saying no without explanation was the hardest for me. I have been conditioned to decline with commentary. Why? To accomplish this you’re just going to have to jump feet first. Start saying no over the phone so you don’t have to look at people’s faces. Then work your way up to face to face one word convos.

If you are doing throat chakra work aka standing up for yourself, drink throat coat tea. Stay heavy-handed on the honey and lemon. Do a lot of deep breathing and expect your throat to be a little sore.

We all hope to pass down the best parts of ourselves. I hope that King develops my love for reading. Although I don’t have much time for it these days. I hope that he has an appreciation for the arts and is creative in some way. We never intend to pass down our challenges or bad habits. I have had some challenges with depression and anxiety. Now my child is exhibiting signs of anxiety. You can’t out smart genetics and energy.

Up until now my son has been a very gregarious child. So much so, that sometimes it made me uncomfortable. My child is cute and likes to talk to strangers. Which in turn requires me to be social. I have learned to just smile and nod and then push King forward so we can continue doing whatever we were doing before he decided to make a new friend.

He is not that way anymore. This year I changed my child’s preschool because I didn’t feel like they were preparing him for kindergarten. At his new school there are fewer students. As an educator I know that the ratio for teacher to student should be low so that children can get more individualized instruction. Also his teachers look like him which I think is important in the formative years. I think I change my mind, more on that later.

King is being pushed academically. This is something he isn’t used to. King also inherited his father’s competitiveness. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but when it is paired with his mother’s perfectionism things can get tricky. He has homework every night except on the weekends, his teachers are as stern as Catholic nuns and he has only one other male student his age to connect with. The other night while doing homework King asked, “is this perfect?”

WTF? Danger! Danger!

After I freaked out in my head, I calmly responded “It doesn’t have to be perfect son, just do your best.”

I was looking into a mirror, with the light shining brightly on my shadow self. Instead of learning my child, I was dictating who I wanted him to be. Unintentionally, I may have triggered the anxiety. I’m sorry King, mommy is doing the best she can.

To help him cope I started putting Rescue Remedy in his water bottle. Every morning he asks me a million times who is going to pick him up as if the certainty of this helps him get through the day easier. Sometimes he says he doesn’t want to go to school- this shreds my heart. And he asks what time is he being picked up. He can’t even tell time. Poor baby.

I can’t front, the academic gains he is making are impressive. But at what cost? But, I also want to raise a resilient child. I don’t what to rescue him every time things get hard. But, he is only four. Oy vey!

We also do yoga together. I introduced yoga by using this book. We practice breathing exercising as a way to manage when he is feeling nervous or scared.

I took pics of all the brown children in the book because that matters to me.

I also give him lots hugs and kisses. I tell him I love him all the time. I want him to know he doesn’t have to earn my love. It is here for him just because. I also want him to enjoy academic rigor-I know that sounds crazy as I talk about Pre-K, but that is a pitfall of being an educator. The husband and I are discussing moving him, again. (judge yourself) I want him to reach a few more bench marks before we do but his happiness trumps all of everything. I will fill in any academic gaps and King can get back to being himself.

Comments Off on But are you having fun though? 7 ways to add more fun into your life.

Hey Party People,

I am officially on summer break. Thank ya! The good Lawd ended the school year right before I passed out from exhaustion. I don’t appreciate being dragged to the edge like this! This school year we buried a principal and a student. I spent so much time taking care of others meanwhile I was being held together with cheap scotch tape. Ole church people teach you not to question God but that has never made any sense to me. I got questions, lot’s of them! Why lawd?

Taking dance classes. Dance reminds me of my childhood. Growing up I took classes and performed. Dance allows me to be free and creative. It is also a beautiful place to channel my fire. Raqs shaqui aka belly dance, is a style of dance that I discovered as an adult. I have practiced off and on for years. This dance allows me to celebrate myself. In belly dance class I smile at myself in the mirror moving in the most natural feminine ways and having the best time!

Yoga in nature. The emphasis is on my own personal practice.I know that placing my feet in grass is very grounding for me. The vitamin D is the best medicine for my depression. Early morning yoga in the park is a great way to start the day.

Going to the pool more with the short person. I love spending time with the short person. At the pool King can practice what he is learning at his swim classes. I can stare at him in awe as his makes friends quickly and easily with other short people and adults. It is fun to play with your kids.

Family field trips. We are going to the beach. The guys can build sand castles and I can sip adult beverages while catching up on my reading. Big fun!

Grown up time with the hubby. Gets your mind out of the gutter, but you can leave your body there. Ha! I don’t necessarily mean doing the grownup although that is always a bonus, I simply mean dating. I want to go out with my husband and have a good time, doing things that we like to do without the short person. Sorry King, you can’t go!

Playing in makeup. My look is flawless natural. This look requires makeup. Never mind the contradiction. I have been having a ball finding which concealer, foundation and lipsticks look best on me. I am learning what my facial assets are and where I need to embellish. This summer I am going to try different highlighters. When the sun hits my face I want to shimmer and catch your eye. Make you look again! LOL, such foolishness, but that’s the point!

I’m going to create more content! Blogging is fun for me. Yes, it’s a tool to journal my healing and a place to offer tried and true resources to help mothers stay sane while working fulltime. But it is also a place where I get to try new things, take chances and improve. That’s fun for me.

Shakira, my belly dancer sister sums it up best: “If I can contribute to people having fun, I would feel very fulfilled as an artist.”

Start watching at 2:23 for the hot dance sequence. This video is dated and the old technology may annoy you. The the choreography will last a lifetime.

As a working mother I live by my schedule. I’m a full time counselor, a part-time yoga instructor and full time mom and wife. I also have to fit in exercise which is no longer for vanity but for optimal health. And let us not forget that the short person and my husband want to eat. I like to say that I don’t watch much TV but the truth is I have no time during the week and the weekends are for family. Even though I teach folks to stay present, I often feel nostalgia for the times when I could finish reading a book in a day without interruption.

I know myself well enough to know that reading is important to me. Even though I feel like I have less time to do the things I enjoy, I have to figure out a way to make it happen.Prioritize joy! Click To Tweet Here are some ways I was able to fit more reading time into my life.

Read during your lunch break.

Sometimes I sit in the break room and fraternize with my colleagues but at least 2 times out of the week I go to my car to read my book and eat my lunch. The silence is blissful. I am currently reading You Are A Badass. I highly recommend it.

Keep books in the bathroom.

My son has been known to follow me into the bathroom but he is quiet as long as he is near me. There are also times when I lock him out because sometimes you just want to shit in peace. Depending on how your colon is set up you can get 30-45 minutes of reading in. And for you super regular people who BM in 10 minutes; stay on the pot nobody knows what you are doing.

I get regular pedicures. I spend a lot of time barefoot as a yoga instructor and I want something pretty to look at. I use this time to relax and read. I purposely leave my cellphone in the car. Gasp! So that I am not tempted to get on my device. This time is specifically for reading. I have also had to tell the lovely lady removing dry skin and ingrown nails to stop talking to me. I know she is being chatty because she wants a nice tip. Ma’am its unnecessary, shut your pie hole. Your tip is the same no matter what.

Try audio books.

This is kind of cheating but moms have to create short cuts all the time for our sanity. I have a nice commute to and from work. Big Magic is kind of thick and I need something inspirational playing in the background as I navigate traffic. There is also a better chance that I will finish it as an audible book. There are at least four unfinished books sitting on my nightstand. Summer break is coming, so maybe I’ll be able to finish a book or two.

Becoming a mother requires that you activate your superpowers. The ability to tap into your intuition is one of them. The ability to make decisions based solely on your gut, holy spirit, intuition or whatever you’d like to call it; and the ability to be confident that you have made the right decision requires practice.

Shut The F*&K Up!

The first thing you need to do is shut up. You cannot hear your intuition if you are always flapping your gums or thinking (which is mentally flapping your gums). You must learn to be still and listen. Find a quiet a spot, I always recommend sitting on the floor for grounding purposes, acknowledge your intuition and ask it to help you make a decision. Start with a small specific question and then work up to the larger more critical decisions. It will take time to differentiate between your own voice and your intuition. Here is a tip, your intuition will only vibrate at the level of love, it is you God consciousness. Any answer that does not have love at the center is not your intuition leading you. Your intuition will never tell you to do harm but it will protect you from harm.

Lastly, free write. One of my favorite books, The Artist’s Way explains free writing and provides exercises, I highly recommend reading it. Free write for five minutes, brain dump everything without thinking about or evaluating it. Do not worry about punctuation, grammar or spelling. Simply get the words on the paper. Set a timer. When the timer goes off get a clean sheet of paper. Ask your intuition a specific question, a superficial one. Try the free writing for 90 days before asking it about the tough stuff. After you have asked your intuition to guide you, allow the answer to come through you onto the paper without thinking too hard or judging what is is being written. I recommend having a journal specifically for free writes and another for answers from your intuition. Let me know if these tips helped you and share with me if you have a different way of tapping into your intuition. I’d love to read about it in the comments.