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Thursday, September 27, 2012

Mormon Diaries by Sophia Stone

I am so pleased to tell you about Sophia Stone's wonderfully brave and informative book, Mormon Diaries. I'll provide a brief summary of the book, a few questions and answers, my review and a couple other blurbs, and a brief bio of the author with information on how to contact her. Plus her beautifully creative book video is at the end, so don't go away until you've watched it.

Brief Summary

Brought up in a religious home, Sophia believes the only way to
have a forever family is by following church leaders and obediently choosing
the right. She goes to the right school, marries the right man in the right
place, and does the right thing by staying home to raise her children. But when
she starts asking questions about grace, love, and the nature of God, she
realizes her spiritual struggles could rip her family apart.

Sophia and I exchanged a few questions and answers about her book and her current struggle. Here's a few that resonated with me.

MS: Your book cover and video are so beautiful. What does the ornament on the
cover stand for?

SS: As
a child I was taught that the only way I could experience true joy was by
living the Gospel of Jesus Christ as found in Mormonism. The ornament is symbolic
of that joy. Or, more particularly, what I feared I’d lose if I ever stopped
believing in The Church.

MS: Why did you hide your faith
struggles from those closest to you?

SS: I
was afraid my faithful Mormon family and friends would think me either prideful
or influenced by Satan if I admitted to doubting The Church. There’s a common
phrase faithful Latter-day Saints use to explain away uncomfortable issues:
“The Church is true. The people are not.” Those who leave the church are often
labeled as angry, easily offended, prideful, lazy, or deceived. There’s no good
reason to doubt, no good reason to question, no good reason to stop believing.
Faith yields loyalty and obedience.

MS: This is so hard for me to even fathon. How is your family coping with this?
Do they support you?

SS: Well, it depends on what part of my
family you’re talking about. My kids have been great, but they’re pretty young.
I’m continually amazed by the open mindedness and trust of small children. I
really think Jesus knew what he was talking about when he said that unless we
become as little children we cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.

My husband, on the other hand, is
having a really hard time. We’ve had to do some negotiating about the kid’s
religious education. He wants them to believe in Mormonism and is very much
attached to the outcome. The thought of his kids choosing to leave the LDS
church is absolutely devastating to him.

There are certain things that (for
him) are non-negotiable. The kids WILL get baptized at age eight whether I want
that for them or not. The kids will continue to go to the Mormon church each
Sunday until they turn twelve. (He’d said eighteen originally, but has since
softened). 10% of his income will continue to go to The Church whether or not I
agree with that particular donation. We’re a single income family so that’s a
pretty big deal, but he’s frightened, truly frightened that if he stops paying
a full tithe, he’ll lose his job.

Although, in fairness, he says it
has nothing to do with fear. Rather, he has faith in the principle of tithing.
God will bless him for his financial sacrifice.

As for the rest of the family, my
mother is struggling, the brother just younger than me acts as if he doesn’t
know, my older brother has been accepting, and my sister is unpredictable. I’m
not even sure how to characterize that relationship at this point. So overall
it’s been a mixed bag where tolerance is concerned. As for support—no, I do not
have family support. Nor is it something I can reasonably expect.

MS: How has your change in beliefs
affected your marriage and children?

SS: I
think it has benefited my children in a number of ways. First, by showing them
that goodness isn’t based on legalistic rules, they are more accepting of
themselves and others. Second, by helping them see that there isn’t one right
way to be a decent human being, they are able to think the best of people.
Third, by opening up to other ideas and spiritual philosophies, they are more
open as well.

As
for my marriage, my change in beliefs has brought to light problems I’d been
ignoring for years. Things having to do with power dynamics, issues with
inflexibility, and some fundamental disagreements in parenting styles between
my husband and me. My marriage has suffered and I worry about it often. But I
also know that without the insights I have now, the relationship would continue
to grow more unbalanced and necessary change would never occur.

I’m
crossing my fingers and holding out hope in the marriage department.

MS: How has writing about your
struggles helped you? I know it helped me while I was writing my memoir.

SS: There’s
a saying that writing is cheaper than therapy, and I can attest to that. There’s
no time limit on how long I can type away on my keyboard when I’m having a bad
day. I don’t have to worry about the paper judging me. Plus, it’s helped me to
put things in perspective.

MS: I can certainly relate to that. A keyboard is a great place to rant. So, one last question. Who should read your book?

SS: Anyone
who wants to better understand how religions indoctrinate children, how they
can unite and separate families, how they can bring peace and turmoil at the
same time. Anyone who wants a more personal understanding of how it feels to
grow up in a legalistic religion that values trust and obedience more highly
than free thought, or anyone who wants to understand Mormonism.

Please
don’t misread that to mean my book is factually perfect. It’s not. It is based
on my experience, and everyone’s reality is different. But I stand by my claim
that people who leave Mormonism are often in an isolating place. It’s hard for
an orthodox believer to understand why anyone would leave. It’s hard for those
who’ve never been in a fundamentalist religion to understand why leaving one is
such a big deal. To both these groups, I’d say, “please read this!”
Understanding is vital.

MS: Thanks so much, Sophia. Now on to my review.

Soul Searching with Grace

Author Sophia
Stone has created a powerful piece. Written with elegance and grace, I found Stone’s
story compelling and very informative for this reader. I am a complete novice
about anything Mormon.

I think the heart of this book
is the author’s struggle with her identity as a woman. She writes that she has
been itchy about being a Mormon most of her life – never understanding the
plausibility of the priests’ teachings and why she or other girls cannot be
Deacons in the church like the boys. She wanted to share the honor with her
brothers who became Deacons at age twelve. Later on she resents her husband’s
role as a priest. He is charged with power in the church. He can lay his hands
on her and other’s heads to heal them while she and the other women in the
church are only meant to take care of their own homes and families.

Stone shares how tired she
is of the way the church leaders justify their treatment of women. They say
it’s because they love women so much they don’t want them to be burdened with
other work.

Now four young children
later, Stone feels more ill at ease with her Mormonism and her role within the
church than ever. And she has so much to lose in writing down these very personal thoughts and feelings (her husband,
her children, her friends, her family, her church, and her entire way of life).

And what I want to know is how
all this turmoil going on in her life and heart will turn out. Will author
Stone stay in her marriage, will she join another church, will she continue to be
a role model for her children? I also wonder how different Stone’s experience
in being a Mormon woman is from that of women Muslims and Orthodox Jews who also
must be obedient to the will of their religious male masters and husbands.

I recommend
this book for anyone who has struggled
with his or her religious upbringing or for anyone just wanting to know about
the Mormon Church. Stone has written a brave
book that will inspire you to look within yourself as well.

—Madeline Sharples, author of Leaving the Hall Light On

A Couple Other Reviews

“Sophia Stone has a fine eye and a searching heart. Her story of
growing up in and reaching through her Mormonism for a deeper, more authentic
spirituality reflects all the ways that religion can both keep us satisfied
easy answers and push us to more difficult and complicated realizations. We
need a hundred more books like this one . . . “ –Joanna Brooks, author of The
Book of Mormon Girl

“Sophia Stone captured my attention from the beginning. This
collection of personal essays, about questioning the legitimacy of Mormonism
after having faith in the religion for the first 30-something years of her
life, is not just a controversial quake to a reader’s heart and soul. Stone’s
voice is brave, bold and intriguing. And surprisingly relatable to someone who
is not religious.”—Jessica Bell, author of String Bridge

About Author Sophia Stone

Seeker. Learner. Reader. Nature Lover. If you're on twitter, you
can ask me any question about Mormonism. I give straight answers. I don't spin.
My twitter address is @ask_a_mormon

Please also view the haunting and heartfelt Mormon Diaries book video. You'll definitely be encouraged to read the book afterward.

National Association of Memoir Writers

About Me

Madeline SharplesI’ve worked most of my professional life as a technical writer, grant writer, and proposal process manager and began writing poetry, essays, and creative non-fiction when my oldest son, Paul, was diagnosed as manic depressive. I continued writing as a way to heal since his death by suicide in 1999. My memoir, "Leaving the Hall Light On," first released on Mother's Day 2011 in hard cover, is about living with my son's bipolar disorder and surviving his suicide. My publisher, Dream of Things, is launching a paperback edition in July 2012 and an eBook in August 2012. I also co-edited Volumes 1 and 2 of "The Great American Poetry Show," a poetry anthology, and wrote the poems for two books of photography, "The Emerging Goddess" and "Intimacy." Besides having many poems published in print and online magazines, I write regularly for several websites: Naturally Savvy, PsychAlive, Open to Hope,and Journeys Through Grief and occasionally for The Huffington Post. I maintain two blogs: Choices and at Red Room.