Tuesday, December 31, 2013

eViL G's BCS Bowl Picks

Here’s
hoping you had a very Merry Christmas, and best wishes for a Happy New
Year.Santa was very good to the eViL G
family this year. Hopefully next year he brings me a new football coach.

No time to waste...gotta get these picks in before 2014.

Party safe tonight!

PICKS!!!

Sugar
Bowl – Oklahoma vs. Alabama

Sponsored
by Harvey Updyke’s Legal Defense Team…Call 1-888-ROW-TIED…

Auburn’s in
the national title game, which means there’s literally hundreds of Alabama fans
ready to act a fool if FSU somehow loses.God forbid if Auburn comes within 27 recognized national titles of Alabama…LET’S
GO PLANT AN ATOMIC BOMB AT TOOMER’S CORNER NEXT TO THAT STRIP MALL WITH THE
KIDDIE DAY CARE AND PUPPY PET STORE!!!ROW TIED!!!I’m still convinced
the aliens from Space Jam stole Nick Saban’s brain hours before the Iron Bowl.Luckily those same aliens took off with Bobby
Stoops’ medulla oblongata back in the early 2000s.Oklahoma hasn’t won a meaningful bowl game
since.I’m hoping the trend of
ridiculous alternative bowl uniforms continues, because these two teams have
identical colors and uniforms.Texas
Tech’s Holiday Bowl uniforms look like they were made out of tweed.By the time America figures out which red
helmet team is Oklahoma, Alabama will be up 14-0 five minutes into the first
quarter.Row Tied Row.

I love both
of these teams.Michigan State ended the
most overrated winning streak in college football, while at the same
time ensuring Florida State plays a team with a pulse in the national title
game.That’s a win-win.Stanford continues to make the PAC-12 its
bitch…Oregon in particular…playing like an SEC school with a collective GPA
higher than Vanderbilt’s chess team.What’s not to love?Due to both
teams’ ball control, run-first style of offense, Will Muschamp will likely
watch this game naked in his living room, with 26 aerosol containers of Cheez
Whiz and a 2-liter jug of Jergens lotion to prevent chafing.While Musclecramp is lusting over what real
ball control offenses look like, I will continue to openly lust after Stanford's
Director of Athletics…and Gainesville native…Bernard Muir.Come on home Bernard, and bring David Shaw…or
James Franklin…or Kevin Sumlin…or the object of mRs. eViLG’s lust Charlie
Strong along with you.

Cardinal
– 20

Sparty
– 14

Fiesta
Bowl – UCF vs. Baylor

Sponsored
by the State of Arizona’s Attempts to Legally Kill Anyone Who Looks Like An
Illegal Alien

It’s bad
enough UCF has an identity complex over every media outlet outside of Central
Florida insisting on calling them “Central Florida”.Now on at least six occasions I’ve heard ESPN
talking heads refer to UCF as the “Golden Knights”.UCF dropped the “Golden” about seven years
ago.They’re just the Knights…the UCF
Freaking Knights. Is that so hard to remember?Baylor is a prohibitive favorite, despite this being their first big boy bowl game too.Blake Bortles might have something
to say about the outcome.Unfortunately
so will UCF’s defense.Your hometown
Knights struggled down the stretch against teams they should have
destroyed, and Baylor's offense is no joke.

Bears - 44

Knights - 28

Orange
Bowl – Clemson vs. Ohio State

Sponsored
by A&E’s “The First 48”, TruTV and the Florida Department of Corrections

Two rabid
fan bases wondering what could have been get together in Miami, where there’s a
better chance of their rental cars being stolen than anyone outside of
Columbus or Clemson staying awake for the entire game.My advice to OSU and IPTAY fans is this…leave
the keys in your rental car with the motor running at all times.Dade County locals will think it’s a bait car
and leave it alone.Two very good
college QBs end their college career in this game.One of them has the luxury of throwing to
Sammy Watkins, the other doesn’t.That
said, Urban Meyer is usually money in bowl games.Clemson gave up 70 points in the Orange Bowl
a few years ago, and they treated last year’s Chick Fil’A Bowl win against LSU
like their second national title.Clemson
has more horses than Ohio State, so I suspect they’ll expose Ohio State and the Big 10
once again, in spite of being Clemson.

Tigers
– 38

Buckeyes
- 27

and finally...

BCS
National Championship Game – Florida State vs. Auburn

Sponsored
by Beelzebub and Whoever Signed Off on Those Honda Commercials with Michael
Bolton

By the end of September it was clear to anyone paying attention that FSU was damn good, and Jamies Winston was downright special. By the end of the season it was clear to anyone paying attention Auburn made another deal with the devil, exactly three years removed from their last deal.

FSU looks like an SEC team, and unlike Alabama they have over a month to prepare for Tre Mason and Auburn's complex spread running attack. How do you prepare for Jameis Winston?

Pray he has an off night, or hope he gets fat and out of shape doing the Heisman rubber chicken banquet circuit, like Chris Weinke in 2000. Neither is likely. Chris Weinke was 48 years old in 2000.

This is the most complete FSU team since their 1999 national title team, which is a testament to Jimbo Fisher considering FSU lost 11 kids to the NFL last season. It's called developing talent Will Muschamp, something UF hasn't done in four seasons. Next time you and Jimbo are at the beach condo, go ahead and pick Jimbo's brain on how that all works.

I hope I'm wrong, and this is not some passive aggressive attempt at reverse mojo. FSU has an explosive offense, a stingy defense and their kicker is automatic inside of 50 yards.

FSU is the best football in the country, and unfortunately the only team with a shot to beat them is playing Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl.