G.D.B.P.W.S.N.B.D.G.

About the Author

Surprisingly, not a giraffe.

Joshua Preston is a graduate of the University of Minnesota Morris and currently a research fellow at Baylor College of Medicine’s Initiative on Neuroscience and Law. His writings have appeared or are forthcoming in The Rain Taxi Review of Books, The Humanist, and MAYDAY Magazine. He really likes giraffes. Find him online at www.JPPreston.com.

I’m sure that’s what people told Alexander Graham Bell when he was spending time creating the telephone or Thomas Edison when he was inventing the light bulb. This is one of history’s great ideas, and you’re really going to look like an idiot when historians are writing about the greatness of this site.

If this website is just “filler” for a couple of guys who have too much time on their hands, then, hey, better something that’s creative, fun, entertaining, and that brings a smile to others — and probably teaches them a little something along the way — than crapping on other people’s lawns. Pull up your pants and move on, champ.

Honestly, I think this has the potential to make a great rhetorical point. People who are experts in some fields are terrible in others, and should be a) only trusted in their fields of competency, but b) also be trusted implicitly in those fields, because otherwise you get people who don’t know what the hell they’re saying or doing.

For example, we as a world are going through potentially drastic climate change, and whether it’s manmade or not (and most would argue it is), a pretty hefty faction of the U.S. legislature insists that, not only isn’t it manmade, but it DOESN’T EVEN EXIST. And we have the numbers. We have the ice core samples and carbon dioxide ppm readings and all kinds of concrete evidence of the Arctic and Antarctic ice melting. But they’re in politics, so they get to say this and not trust scientists, who educate themselves for decades in order to be able to say that this does exist and give relevant advice from there.

Even the current head of the Texas Board of Education (who is a DENTIST, by the way) advocates “standing up to the experts.” “Stand up to the experts”? What the hell? They’re not trying to control your lives, just make known some concrete facts and other evidence for whatever very narrow field it is they know a ton about.

Anyway, when it comes to scientific issues like global warming, Congress can’t draw the proverbial giraffe. So the least they can do is hold valid the findings of people who can.

Are you f***ing kidding me? Who really needs a telephone? They just cause us to be more distant from each other, whereas Pretty Awful Giraffes brings people together and improves the world. Besides, what’s so innovative about making it so 2 people can talk to each other. People have been able to that forever. People have never before been able to see giraffes drawn by important people. You are just so plain ignorant and wrong; it’s unbelievable. People like you have always been around to put down innovation, like gravity or a sun-centered model of the universe. No one cares about what you think; we will revel in the amazing immigration that is Pretty Awful Giraffes, and you can go complain about it on your telephone to your other anti-innovation friends.

Glad to see our tax dollars are at work subsidizing such important scholastic work at the University of Minnesota-Morris by keeping tuition lower than it would be otherwise. I guess this is a phase that young atheist liberals go through – tickling themselves to death with meaningless postmodern nonsense. You’re just so very ironic, aren’t you?

Better hope the economy improves because this kind of shit on your resume isn’t going to impress anyone in the real world. Anyone who has an actual paying job to offer, I mean…I’m not talking about the other UMM graduates who think this kind of shit is clever and are living in their mothers’ basements while they figure out what to do with their degree in Political Science.