Message Boards

Topic : Giving and Receiving Support

What is the best way to support those you love who are coping with depression or grieving a loss? Post your tips and share support with others.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

Dearest Patty

I don't know how to go on since losing my 21 yr old son last Sept (he drowned while swimming with friends). I feel like insanity is just below the surface. And if I think about him not coming back for more than a second I will go over the edge and not be able toget back....is this normal....what's normal??? Help!!!

I lost a baby girl over 10 years ago. I thought, and everyone around me thought I was losing my mind. I couldn't stop crying for a year. I lost time. She died in July, my next memory was the leaves changing color. Scarey huh!!!! It took a year to just realize she was never coming back, another year to get my life to looking like something normal. The "insanity" stayed just below the surface. And five years before I really started to have a life that FELT normal. And I am okay now, truley I am. I recently lost my mother very suddenly. Experience has taught me that although I feel lousey now, it won't last forever , no matter how painful. My sister is having a harder time, she believes ( as I did when I lost the baby), that she will feel this way forever. In a way , you almost want to. Who wants to stop suffering when you've lost a loved one, especially a child?

Don't be afraid of your feelings. They are normal. You will feel crazy angry, crazy sad. You will avoid thinking about the unthinkable until you are ready. Remember my lost memories, I put them away until I could deal with them. Everything you feel is normal. You are okay, considering you have so recently experienced the worst tragedy of your life. It's much to early to be NORMAL, whatever that is.

I have very little advice,,,,,,,,take good care of yourself,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,seek help whenever you need it, and make sure you get it.

how I get thru my loss

I too lost my grandfathers in 2001 3 months apart and my just recently, July 9th, plus my cat 2 hours after my dad died. one has to come together as a family, or if the family doesn't want to then friends then. as long as there is support for someone plus to to go God also will help. Family is so important, but if the support isn't there for them, a loving friend is family. that is their support. with going thru the loss of my dad my family has gotten together to make sure mom is ok and she doesn't cancel no appts for drs like she wants as we care for her. we all mis dad so much but getting thru this together is what we need especially with their anni. and his b-day coming up on aug.1 which will be so hard. he would be 65. he was young, yeah, the same age as mom, but keeping the memories of him alive is what we do. I just scrapbooking pages of my dad so we can remember. scrapbooking has helped me get thru this and helped me show the family the pictures of dad and the fun times we had with dad. maybe you can do a scrapbook about your grandfather the same way so that will help you also. 2nephi

Thanks

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It helps to hear I just might be normal after all.

I am so sorry for your losses also. I have been working alot on a web site for my son and I visit a chat room for parents who have lost a child. I am going to a support group tomorrow night also. I hope all of these things will help me in so many ways. His web site helps so much...it is a way I can make sure the world knows my son was here!!!! Take care and thanks. God Bless.

loss of a daughter

Please help me I have a dear friend that has lost her daughter (head on collision by a drunk driver) She isnt dealing with the loss and has tried to commit suicide at least 3 times. She is a friend from the internet that I have known for over 2 years. I am in canada and she is in hawaii, so im unable to be right there with her. Please help guide me in the right direction to a site or somewhere she can talk to someone else that has dealt with the same problem. Her daughter was 27 years old and her best friend. Thank you for responding Any suggestions would help me. Lacygirl

Thank you

I too lost my grandfathers in 2001 3 months apart and my just recently, July 9th, plus my cat 2 hours after my dad died. one has to come together as a family, or if the family doesn't want to then friends then. as long as there is support for someone plus to to go God also will help. Family is so important, but if the support isn't there for them, a loving friend is family. that is their support. with going thru the loss of my dad my family has gotten together to make sure mom is ok and she doesn't cancel no appts for drs like she wants as we care for her. we all mis dad so much but getting thru this together is what we need especially with their anni. and his b-day coming up on aug.1 which will be so hard. he would be 65. he was young, yeah, the same age as mom, but keeping the memories of him alive is what we do. I just scrapbooking pages of my dad so we can remember. scrapbooking has helped me get thru this and helped me show the family the pictures of dad and the fun times we had with dad. maybe you can do a scrapbook about your grandfather the same way so that will help you also. 2nephi

Hey thanxs for the scrapbook idea. I am starting to reliaze that there are way to deal with my emotions other than cutting,and not eating. But thats all thanks to everyone on this message board. Thank you soo much. I feel so much better know im not the only one out ther that has lost someone close. I am sorry to hear about you grandfather also. Hope you are all haveing a good day. ~Buffy~

I know how you feel believe me!

Hi i need help I lost my Grandfather almost 2 years ago and i still cant get over the fact that hes gone if anyone could help me in and way i would be so happy to know someone knows how i feel and can helpBuffy

Hi Buffy,

I know exactly how you feel. My grandpa died just a month ago and I can't believe that he's gone either. I know it's only been a month but I do know what you are going through, it's hard. I have some regrets about it all, like the day before he died (he died on father's day) I was working and my mom came in to my work to tell me that she was going to go visit him, and now that I think of it, I should have too after I was finished, but I didn't and now I wish I had, you know, just to say sorry one more time. All my family members tell me that he knew without a doubt that I loved him, and I'm sure he did but in my heart I wish I could just tell him one more time.

I guess all I can say Buffy is that, it's normal to feel this way and that it will take lots of time, especially if you were used to seeing him a lot. Just remember all the great times you have had with him and treasure them, because that's something that will never leave you.

One thing that helps me is I write my grandpa letters, not every day but some days, just to tell him what I'm up to, or how I'm feeling, basically just anything that I would say to him as if he were here. Also, try spending a day with your grandma if you can. That seems to help as well, at least it does for me.

Hope this helps

Please help me I have a dear friend that has lost her daughter (head on collision by a drunk driver) She isnt dealing with the loss and has tried to commit suicide at least 3 times. She is a friend from the internet that I have known for over 2 years. I am in canada and she is in hawaii, so im unable to be right there with her. Please help guide me in the right direction to a site or somewhere she can talk to someone else that has dealt with the same problem. Her daughter was 27 years old and her best friend. Thank you for responding Any suggestions would help me. Lacygirl

What your friend is going through is the WORST thing in the world...I know. My 21 yr old son drown last Sept. Like most parents I had thought I would know how bad it would be if something happened to one of my kids..it is SO much worse that I could have thought. The pain NEVER goes away and you know in your heart you will never be truly happy again.There is a web site caller GROW....Grief Recovery Online that has chat rooms for people dealing with loss that has helped me with the loss of my son. There is another site...Memory of.com where you can make a web site for your loved one. I have made one for my son Stephen that is one of the best things for me!!!

One of the hardest things for parents is the feeling that their child will be forgotten this web site helps cause you know it will ALWAYS be there. I would also suggest she get in touch with Compassionate Friends this is a national support group that has meetings she can go to with other parents.

Trust me she is dealing with it...just NOT the right way. I would also suggest she get counseling.

Keep being there for her....she needs you alot right now. I hope this helps. God Bless.

Giving and Receiving Support

What your friend is going through is the WORST thing in the world...I know. My 21 yr old son drown last Sept. Like most parents I had thought I would know how bad it would be if something happened to one of my kids..it is SO much worse that I could have thought. The pain NEVER goes away and you know in your heart you will never be truly happy again.There is a web site caller GROW....Grief Recovery Online that has chat rooms for people dealing with loss that has helped me with the loss of my son. There is another site...Memory of.com where you can make a web site for your loved one. I have made one for my son Stephen that is one of the best things for me!!!

One of the hardest things for parents is the feeling that their child will be forgotten this web site helps cause you know it will ALWAYS be there. I would also suggest she get in touch with Compassionate Friends this is a national support group that has meetings she can go to with other parents.

Trust me she is dealing with it...just NOT the right way. I would also suggest she get counseling.

Keep being there for her....she needs you alot right now. I hope this helps. God Bless.

Patty

Hi Patty

Thank you ever so much for taking the time to reply to me I will pass it on to her. My deepest sympathies on the loss of your son. My prayers are with you. God Bless You

patty r

I don't know how to go on since losing my 21 yr old son last Sept (he drowned while swimming with friends). I feel like insanity is just below the surface. And if I think about him not coming back for more than a second I will go over the edge and not be able to get back....is this normal....what's normal??? Help!!!

hi there so sorry for your lost .All i can say it can take awhile for grief and i know this doesn't really help you when i say this but the more you grieve the better because there is no time limit on grieving trust me i know between myself &husband we lost 7 relatives all in this past year .and it is hard i know.we also had three young guys die with in a month span here not long ago and two were suicide and one motorcycle accident.we are a small community and we feel the lost too . we feel for the parents and siblings also .we as parents take that for granted that we will have them forever.but unfortunately we don't .i will pray for you and your family .take it a day at a time and let the grieving process work or else it will be harder to deal with .take care and god bless.cathy

hey thax

I know exactly how you feel. My grandpa died just a month ago and I can't believe that he's gone either. I know it's only been a month but I do know what you are going through, it's hard. I have some regrets about it all, like the day before he died (he died on father's day) I was working and my mom came in to my work to tell me that she was going to go visit him, and now that I think of it, I should have too after I was finished, but I didn't and now I wish I had, you know, just to say sorry one more time. All my family members tell me that he knew without a doubt that I loved him, and I'm sure he did but in my heart I wish I could just tell him one more time.

I guess all I can say Buffy is that, it's normal to feel this way and that it will take lots of time, especially if you were used to seeing him a lot. Just remember all the great times you have had with him and treasure them, because that's something that will never leave you.

One thing that helps me is I write my grandpa letters, not every day but some days, just to tell him what I'm up to, or how I'm feeling, basically just anything that I would say to him as if he were here. Also, try spending a day with your grandma if you can. That seems to help as well, at least it does for me.

Well, I hope I have helped you some. My thoughts are with you.

Hey thank you sooo much! if you wanna talk im here for you also, like you were for me. My advice to you is dont keep everything bottled up inside, thats how things turn bad. I really thank you for shareing your story with me. Im so glad some one can relate to how i feel to. I hope we can help each other through this. ~Buffy~! Thank you soooo Much