Visiting the Nursing Home

Once a family
member moves to an adult or nursing home, family and friends may
find it difficult and uncomfortable to visit. The resident needs
your visit because it provides crucial emotional contact with his
or her family; you need to continue to participate in the person's
care.

Conversation on nursing home visits may be strained. You may not
know what to say or do. If the resident is still able to
communicate, start a conversation and then listen. Give the
patient your full attention and listen with your heart as well as
your mind. Watch the body language and be alert to the feelings
that may be expressed beneath the words. Complaints may be an
indication of loneliness.

If the resident is withdrawn or resists talking, try doing an
activity together, such as arranging flowers or assembling a
photo album. This may help stimulate conversation.

There are a number of physical activities that can be stimulating
for both patient and visitor and can make visits a positive
experience.

Give your loved one a backrub or gentle arm and leg massage.
These can relieve discomfort caused by immobility and lack of
exercise. Just rubbing the skin with body lotion is very soothing.
Alzheimer's patients are good at reciprocating with a
backrub.

Give the patient a manicure or pedicure. Bring a file, clippers,
lotion, and a pan for soaking the feet. Women especially enjoy
having their nails polished.

Many nursing home residents spend a great deal of time in bed or
wheelchairs. A staff member can demonstrate how to help the
patient with arm or leg exercises to maintain flexibility and
function. If possible, take the resident for walk up and down
the halls or around the grounds.

To stimulate the patient's sense of sight, bright colors and
bold forms are best. Bring large, clear family photos, a large
calendar, posters, mementos, and picture books with animals,
flowers, or birds. If there is no problem with the resident
eating flowers, bring them. Bring childrens drawings or
craft projects.

To stimulate hearing, bring in a tape player and listen to music
together, or bring a tape of children and grandchildren talking
and singing. You might record descriptions and impressions of a
trip, messages from distant relatives and friends, or movie
soundtracks. Tell jokes, read poetry aloud, listen to birds
singing. You might even make a long distance call to a friend
while you're visiting. Many residents can no longer write
letters but do wish to keep in touch with old friends. When
visiting, you can also help write letters and prepare general
cards as well as birthday or holiday cards.

Touch becomes a very important part of the Alzheimer's
patients life. Hugs are most welcome, as are kisses and hand
holding. Be sure to give lots of them! Bring in pebbles, wooden
objects, and stones when you visit. Bring or wear garments with
different textures--bulky, plush, crisp, and smooth, for example.
Bring swatches of different textured fabrics, or make a small
quilt of them, to leave with the resident. Provide bed sheets
with different sensations, such as smooth, cool satin; soft, warm
flannel; or crisp percale. To encourage memory, bring sea shells,
driftwood, candles, or patch work, as well as knitted, crocheted,
woven, and embossed items.

Stimulating the taste buds can be another good visiting pastime.
As long as there is no violation of diet restrictions, bring
favorite foods or beverages. Share vegetables from your garden
for a special treat. Contrast crunchy foods like peanuts, popcorn,
chips, and carrots with smooth foods like avocados, and
milkshakes. For chewy items, choose steak, caramels, and brownies.
You might also try sweet, sour, spicy, hot, cool, and mellow
foods. Find a favorite!

Residents always appreciate fresh fruit and most persons with
Alzheimer's disease love sweets. Possibly your loved one
would enjoy a glass of wine or beer. Check with the staff to make
sure there are no medical contraindications and whether a doctor's
order is required before offering any alcoholic beverage.

Having a meal together is a wonderful visiting activity.
Arrangements can be made with the staff for family members to eat
a meal with the resident in the dining room or take him or her
out to eat. If the diagnosed person enjoys cooking but the
facility kitchen is off-limits, the visitors may be able to use
an activity room to prepare a favorite dish with their loved one.
Perhaps the family and resident can prepare a batch of cookies
and have the staff bake them in the facility kitchen.

Smell is one of the most powerful evokers of memories and
emotions. Bring perfume, powder, lotion, or tobacco. The smell of
vanilla may remind the resident of baking; mint extract may bring
to mind the mint patch in the backyard. Liquid smoke can evoke
memories of cookouts or wiener roasts. Provide the fragrances of
flowers, plants, incense, and air freshener to stimulate the
resident. If possible, take him or her outside to smell
springtime, autumn, rain, and snow.

Remember that whenever you visit a resident in an adult or
nursing home you should bring joy and, if possible, laughter. Try
to include other residents in your visits. They need friendship
just as much as your loved one does.

It is permissible to cry all the way home if it helps you! Just
keep in mind that when you walk into the facility, you want the
residents and staff to be happy that you've come.

What do say/do when there's nothing to say/do?

Say I love you, I came to see you, and I'll be back again (regardless
of their reaction to your visit).

Sit close, away from window glare, at eye level, and touch or
hold as preferred by your relative.

Look for clues to feelings in body language, eyes, or repeated
phrases.

Gentle teasing or joking provides a sense of continuity and
pleasure to those who have always communicated this way in their
families.

Silence can be golden--tender moments watching birds, listening
to music, or praying can be wonderful for you both.

Reminisce about your favorite Christmas, first car, baking in the
old home, the smell of a wood fire. Note:If your relative is
very impaired, you will need to talk about earlier events.

Use the arts and your skills--music, poetry, photos, video or
audiotapes, art work--to stimulate your loved one. Play games (even
if your relative can't play as well, he or she still might
enjoy the activity).

Whatever you do, do not:

Rush in, standing at the door as if you are on way out.

Stare out the window, check your watch, or look bored.

Apologize for your guilt or feelings of failure--it's not
your fault and you and your relative are in this together.