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Updated on
October 31, 2009,
M.M.
asks from
Medford, OR
on
October 29, 2009

3 Year Old Still Likes to Shower with Mommy

Hello all moms,
I'm just curious if it's ok for at least one more year to let my son shower with me. He's learning how to shower standing instead of sitting in a bath full of water but at the same time......... you know he likes to stare at my body parts while playing and puting on his own body wash. I tell him "Don't look at mommy" he listens and sometimes forgets.
Both of my kids hardly ever take naps anymore, otherwise I'd take a shower than. I work from 4pm- 9pm so that's why I have to shower early, To go to work smelling fresh. When I come home from work I go straight to bed because I'm tired. What should I do? Have both of them wait for me in the bathroom while I shower? lock them in the bedroom while I shower? Any advise will do, thank you!

So What Happened?™

Hello everyone and Mommies,

I'm proud to announce that this morning I explained to my son about the different body parts and that when he grows up he's gonna look just like daddy and that when my little girl grows up she will look like me. I also told him that half a yr or maybe untill his 4th birthday he can't shower with me anymore. He smiled and said "ok!"
After that I will leave the bathroom door open just incase they need something while watching their favorite DVD.
I will now begin to shower 4-5 times a week instead of everyday!

I would like to thank everyone for their help for such a simple yet silly question.

Featured Answers

M.L.
answers from
Seattle
on
October 30, 2009

I think it's okay for him to continue showering with you. Although, in my opinion, it's maybe better to talk to him about bodies (respect them, differences, etc.) than tell him not to look at you.

I don' think a 3 year old will remember any of it but I have heard of people who can remember back to 4. I can only remember back to about 5. I raised very hyperactive kids, 4 boys and 1 girl and what I would do is put on a video they liked and make them some pop corn or other snack and that would hold their attention till I got out of the shower and I would open the bathroom door while I did makeup. I had one escape artist too so at one point I had to keep him with me at all times. It was very hard. Good Luck

More Answers

R.R.
answers from
Madison
on
October 30, 2009

It is your choice how to chose to raise your children but being naked in front of family really isn't a big deal in my mind. Our culture tends to make way more of being naked than other cultures. As you know from other parenting situations, if you make a big deal out of being naked, then so will your children. Your 3 yr old is just curious. Your body is different from his and he is curious. You could take advantage of the situation and explain the differences (in simple terms) between boys and girls. Just my 2 cents.

I think that a lot of sexual hang-ups come from being taught that the human body is nasty, dirty, or shameful. My husband and I take a very matter-of-fact approach to it: my almost 4-year old still takes showers with both of us. About a year ago he started noticing the different "parts", and we just explained it very simply: "boys have penises and testicles, girls have breasts and vaginas". He was mildly interested for about a week, and now it's just no big deal to him. When he starts showing signs of modesty or embarrassment we'll modify our showering routine, but until then we feel our approach is healthy and practical.

This first question I have is, "What is wrong with him looking at you?" Are you uncomfortable with it or do you feel that it is socially unacceptable for boys to stare at girls? He is three years old and curious as he should be at that age.

If you personally feel uncomfortable with the situation then I would encourage you to not shower with him for a bit and try to figure out what is that really bothering you about the situation; your own body image, past experiences, what have you. Once you have identified the issue then you can work with it.

If you are more concerned about the social aspect then I encourage you to talk with your son openly about the differences between your two bodies. Educating him and being openly honest with him will most likely ease his curiosity. If that is too awkward for you, is there a daddy (or other male figure) that he can shower with sometimes?

I personally think that even saying "Don't look at Mommy" sets up some kind of taboo that being naked is bad or that being with your mom is somehow wrong. I don't think that is healthy. But, if you are feeling uncomfortable, then don't shower with him. I think that you could totally have them play in the bathroom and you could talk to him so you know his whereabouts.
Good luck!

I think it depends on your attitude about nudity and the human body. In our home our bodies are natural, beautiful and normal parts of us, so showering and changing clothes are no big deal in front of the children. We do explain about no one touching their privates and such, but at the same time, we do not want to create hang ups about body image or too much focus on taboos. Boys and girls are different so they can be mommies and daddies when they grow up and the kids are happy with that explanation. Typically they are just noticing that you are different from them, just as they would be examining the size of your hands, color of your eyes, etc. My daughter who is 3 is very fond of my breasts even though she has been weaned from breastfeeding for quite some time. She'll just say they are beautiful because she has a beautiful association with the breastfeeding and our closeness that we had during that time and then goes back to playing with her toys in the tub. Your reactions and behavior will reflect on them as they grow, so a self-evaluation of why you feel it's bad for your son to see you would help you figure out what boundaries you want or need and how to keep what's normal, normal and what's not acceptable, correctly explained and dealt with.

I personally don't see anything wrong with them showering with you especially for another year. There is nothing wrong with it and even for them to look at you. You are their mother and looking is natural and ok. I would rather have my children bath with me at that age the locked in a room unattended.

I just love these questions that deal with nakedness. I wasn't raised in the US and find it surprising again and again what a big deal is made about the naked human body...

I agree with others that say, if neither of you feel uncomfortable showering together, nothing wrong with it!

You obviously feel uncomfortable, otherwise you wouldn't tell him to look away. That really is not a good message you are sending. In my mind you are telling him that he is not to look at a naked female body, implying that there is something wrong with it, even if you don't mean to.

If you don't feel comfortable showering with him, rather don't do it at all, than teaching him that it's bad to look at mommy (or any naked female in his mind) - that's just my opinion.

If your home is not safe for the kids to occupy themselves for 15 minutes, I guess you will have to lock them into a safe room. I personally just turn on the TV for my two year old (she doesn't get to watch a lot of TV, so she will be glued to it, while it's on) and leave the bathroom door ajar so she can come in if she needs to. Our home is babyproofed, so I don't worry about her finding something else to do, if she decides not to watch.
Good luck!

It sounds like your 3 year old showers with you because you need to keep an eye on him or her, not because he "likes" it. I personally think it is okay to shower together at that age, however, I would not say "don't look at mommy" because you will make him feel like he is doing something wrong or bad. It sounds like it may be making you uncomfortable. What I have done in the past, is give my son a bucket of cars or something to play with in the bathroom, while I was in the shower. This always worked well for me. You could get a toy or toys that he only plays with during this time, so he doesn't get bored of it. Also....what is the two year old during this time? Hope this helps! S.

M., honey - it's perfectly ok for him to shower with you-- but if it makes you uncomfortable -- I'd suggest you say '''' I'd be happier if you wouldn't look-- that is just something I want'''' -- Every single family has it's own ''culture'' -- some families are comfortable with partial nudity well into pre-teen years --- it's your call ( but truly- he wouldn't be harmed by showering with you for at least another year) And whatever you do let him know that it's ok that he is curious- it' s something YOU PREFER -- not something he's doing that is bad.

I shower with my 3 year old and 21 mos frequently. I wouldn't make any issue out of him looking at your body. I'm modest but I am naked in the shower because that's the nature of showering and we all have to shower. Personally, I think I will stop showering with my son around 3.5 or 4 years old (on a regular basis anyway).

I have a 3 year old and a 21 month old. When I shower I will sometimes turn on a movie or Sesame Street to entertain them. More times than not though they end up in the bathroom with me. Usually they play with their bath toys while I finish my shower, or they go between the bathroom and their bedrooms playing. They have free run of the house during this time, but I have NEVER had an issue with them while I am showering.

You may or may not have tried to let your son know after you take a shower - it will be his turn? that way you can have the personal privacy you are looking for and he still gets to take a shower, even if it's him getting in just as you are getting out. he/they can wait in the bathroom and play and toss in his toys while you are in.

If you are worried about the kids getting into things or such while you are in the shower.. I suggest a room-by-room child proof check -we all did it when the kiddos were younger, but a re-check w/a checklist & at their eye level test. * do remember the upper door locks for front/back/garage/sliding/laundry room doors. This will help you feel more assured of your kids safety.

Or.. this could be 'feet-on-bed' time like you said in their room. I always wanted to install one of those split doors so the bottom is locked but the top is open,. but a safety gate (or two if they are climbers) might be good if you want to keep the door open.

oh & lastly,. I don't use the fan while i'm "in" the shower.. I turn it on after i'm out. this way i can hear what they are doing if need be.

I think that he is too old to shower with you. I understand your concern though of needing to shower and not wanting to leave them along. I have a 2.5 year old boy and a 4.5 year old daughter. When I am home by myself with them and need to shower, I get them a snack and let them watch a cartoon in my room (I shower in the master bath) while I shower. I leave the door to the bathroom open so I can hear them and lock the bedroom door so they dont go destroy the house. :) If you only have one bathroom, you could either get them a "project" that they can work on in the bathroom (like puzzles or something) while you shower or let them watch a video in a room that is safe. Make it fun for them and they will stay entertained for 10 mintutes or so...Good luck!

Preschoolers are starting to realize there are differences between girls & boys, do "watching" you is more to understand the differences not to stare. As long as you're not uncomfortable with the kids in the bathroom, having them there isn't an issue developmentally.

As for where they should be, I strongly suggest keeping them in a confined safe area. If your bedroom & bathroom are connected and properly baby proofed, that’s the best.

It’s hard being the only adult around! I use to be a Nanny, and there were days I wouldn’t pee for 10 hours, because no one slept and every time I left the room there was a fight. Fun = /

Personally, I don't see a problem with your son showering with you, at this point, but I think that's a very individual decision and you need to do what feels right in your situation. One idea that works for us when I'm showering, though, is to make that a time for your children to watch something special on TV (a DVD you know is safe, or something like that). I don't know your setup, but in our house, my shower is just off the master bedroom, so I can hear if there are any major catatrophes. My son normally only gets to watch TV at two times during the day--when I'm showering and for about half an hour before bedtime, so it's a big treat for him! He cuddles up in my bed and I put on the show of his choice. We never have a problem--he just sits there glued to the screen until I get out!

My 4yo daughter still occasionally showers with her father. Certainly with me. Have you discussed privacy with your son? You should remind him that he needs to give you some privacy by not staring at your private areas. Have you talked to him about what private body areas are?

I don't have a whole lot of advice for you, but you might consider a couple different things/options:

1) Chances are, he's just curious about that as he is with everything else in his world. It's different from what he's got, and the fact that he doesn't have it makes it just as intriguing as the car toy the other kid has that he doesn't :) He may not understand why you tell him "don't look at Mommy."

2) If it makes you uncomfortable, you may wish to see if he will wait outside of the shower - give him some toys to play with that are especially for your shower time, and that way he looks forward to playing with them during your shower.

I say sexual education is a good thing. My daughter is 3 1/2 and takes baths with daddy. She talks about the different parts of the body and knows the difference between boys and girls. She has put on pads to try them out since her older sister uses them. It's good to talk about covering up with your towel before you leave the bathroom and the right kinds of behavior at this age as well. modeling good behavior with your son is important and at this age it's a great time to start talking to them about the things we are doing in order for them to understand the reasons why.

I don' think a 3 year old will remember any of it but I have heard of people who can remember back to 4. I can only remember back to about 5. I raised very hyperactive kids, 4 boys and 1 girl and what I would do is put on a video they liked and make them some pop corn or other snack and that would hold their attention till I got out of the shower and I would open the bathroom door while I did makeup. I had one escape artist too so at one point I had to keep him with me at all times. It was very hard. Good Luck