Half Way There

On this date every year the Earth stands at perfect attention to the sun with no slouch in either direction. For we 85% of the world’s population that live north of the equator today is the beginning of spring and thus the Spring Equinox is upon us. In many ways that means that we’re half way to the heat and sunshine that we all so desperately crave. The optimists amongst us however will note that we’re half way away from the deepest depths of winter as well. No matter how you look at it we’re 50% of the way to or from somewhere so I thought it a good opportunity to fire off another batch of half-baked ideas.

For the uninitiated these are intended to be quick rants that aren’t quite full posts unto themselves but things that I feel the need to get off my chest. Without further ado…

St. Patrick’s Day has to be the single best day of the year to be vertically impaired (read: a dwarf or midget). It’s not that these people should be discriminated against in any way on any other day of the year but on this special occasion they can walk into any bar in America and be absolutely celebrated. Must be nice.

This is going to come off as joking but I promise you I could not be more serious – I need someone to properly show me how to play the tambourine. I have a penchant for taking over the most communal of instruments when I take the stage at concerts or karaoke events (which happens at a curiously high ratio to my inebriation rate). While I can wail away with the best of them with the shake-circle I must admit, rare is the occasion that I don’t wake up the following morning with significant bruising on my thigh or the palm of my non-shaking hand. Again, I believe part of this to be my fault as I truly do play the hell out of that thing but I’m assuming that I’m doing something wrong based on the level of injury sustained each time I do it. There’s no way Mick Jagger wakes up in pain the morning after every concert the way I do. It’s unsustainable. Please let me know if there’s a proper approach to getting the most from the instrument without suffering bodily harm (note: any suggestions surrounding the premise that I play any less voraciously will not be considered).

Think about how the speaker industry has changed. There was a time in our parent’s lives (and many of ours as well during the boom box centric 80s) where the size of your speakers acted as a status symbol. I definitely recall having speakers in our living room growing up that were legitimate pieces of furniture upon which doilies and nick-nacks were placed. After spending some time at the Apple store last weekend and in planning our new home over these past few months it’s occurred to me that it is now in vogue to pretend that you don’t have any speakers at all. There are countless ways to build speakers into the walls of your home, hide them as rocks in your garden, or make them miniscule enough to be carried around in your pocket in the 21st century. It’s weird how much that particular aspect of our society has changed so quickly.

With it being the first day of Spring I would like to make a formal announcement to Mother Nature that I am putting away my shovel. I’ve had it. Do your worst you pagan bitch, I’m only going to lift one more finger in response to your actions. Nobody likes to hear people bitch about the weather so I’ll stop here but I just want to make the announcement formal. It’s over. Brant Miller told me there’s a chance for another inch or two of snow next week? Fuck you – I’m not dealing with it. The last time it snowed it was so wet that my neck started to lock up from the heavy lifting and I still feel it today. On a side note: I’m getting old.

There’s no truth to the rumor (that I just started) that this move was prompted by Trevor’s sister Paulina rejecting the advances of one Mr. Jed Hoyer.

While I’m certainly not thrilled about Patrick Kane’s injury I’m glad to see that there’s no mention of the words “surgery” or “season ending” associated with anything I’ve read about it. Hopefully he’s back in good health before we know it. As for the rest of the article… I could not be more thrilled. While I’m overly joyed that Jeremy Morin has escaped his personal glass case of emotion that is Rockford, do be aware however that if Teuvo plays ten or more games this year then it would count as fulfilling the first year of his contract – bringing him one year closer to free agency (something the Blackhawks don’t want to do). With 12 games remaining in the season I think it’s safe to say we may not see Mr. Teravainen suit up for another three games or so (and I’m going Sunday damn it!).

This entry was posted by Chi-Guy on March 21, 2014 at 8:34 am, and is filed under Blackhawks, Cubs, Happy Friday. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.