Re: Spouse who just don’t get it?

Re: Spouse who just don’t get it?

Hi Sager,

Glad to see you dusted off this thread! I think I’m the orginal whiner since 2/08 whenI returned from the Rowe conference (though I’d been prepping in my mind since 1970…jeez).. Very glad to hear you are progressing and even instigating the New Paltz workshop;that will probably boost your wife along when she goes to that!

I don’t get to this site much anymore and just blundered here tonight.

As for me…as Dirty Harry said, a man’s got to know his limitations. My wife still thinks we’re all nuts. I’ve given up on making major changes. The later writer on this thread who said she’d file divorce proceedings must not have been married too long or is very young, I suspect. Leaving a marriage because an impending (10 years, 15 years, 50 years?) meltdown may occur after I’m dead does not compute.

I’ve smuggled in some coins, some ammo, some food, bot and created several Earth box gardens, thought about which neighbors might be callable in an emergency, gamed some scenarios in my head (some are scarier than others). That’s about it. I did find 2 WW2 Mae Wests for $10. that work! With my inflatable raft I’m set for a tsunami!

I have to just keep a sense of humor and soldier on.

PM me once and a while and let me know how things are in case I don’t get back here too often.

Re: Spouse who just don’t get it?

I enrolled in CM University this past week. Great to find this thoughtful community and educational resource.

tabletop – thanks so much for starting this important forum topic. Hand me a paddle, I am in the same in the same boat as you.

I find it paradoxical that my country-raised wife who always gets a battery lantern and candles ready and fills the bathtub with water at the first sign of a severe winter storm, is the same person who recently declared, “You are not storing any food in our house!” (clarification: by “food” she mainly means number 10 nitrogen-pakced cans)

For the past few months I’ve been buying extra containers of rice (with expiration date 2014, oatmeal, vitamins, etc. every time I go shopping and storing them in the upper shelf kitchen cabinets.

“Push came to shove” however when I started purchasing bulk quantities of laundry soap, garbage bags and toilet paper. I’ve wised up and have since been storing such items on second floor of our garage. :o)

Problem solved? No. My wife is too busy cleaning house to stop and watch CC. I have emailed her several short You Tube videos with PH.Ds talking about U.S. monetary policy to try and start a conversation, however, to no avail. All communication has broken down – to the point where for the time being I have moved into the guest suite of our house. It’s a zen way to celebrate our 30 years of marriage. Eckhart Tolle’s audiobook “Practicing the Power of Now” helps me keep a grateful attitude.

On the other side of the coin, our two children love to discuss preparing for tough times. Our daughter has an amazing green thumb and I just ordered several years of organic seeds in nitrogen-packed cans for her. Our son loves to talk about guns and goes for target practice at his friend’s farm.

I have convinced my wife to put our house on the market which is exciting. The idea is to move to our summer house which is partially insulated but has more land and lower real estate taxes.. With a little luck we will be able to make the move.

Johnny Oxygen – thanks for the tread on “depression and marriage problems after taking the red pill..” The title might make a good t-shirt. :o)

caroline_culbert – thanks for suggesting the book “A New Earth.” I am ordering it today for my wife who is an avid reader.

nope

capesurvivor wrote:
Some

[quote=capesurvivor]

Some spouses don’t get to stage 3.

CS [/quote]

-Gut laugh on that one, capesurvivor! -Only because I’m right there with you!

Good luck, New_Day. Your wife agreeing to move to your more sustainable summer home is a positive thing. And having your kids be into prep-related stuff is really great. The blown 30th anniversary does stink… but at least you guys blew your anniversary over a worthy cause. My husband and I have blown ’em for much less worthy reasons than that!

tabletop wrote:I was

[quote=tabletop]I was wondering to what extent any others out there are being labeled as “kooks” by their spouses for simply trying to initiate discussions and understanding of the current crisis. We have joked about it in other posts however my wife’s push back from accepting what we all know is truth has become quite a divisive issue in our house.

She refers to me as “doom and gloom.” I think she is a brain-dead, American Idol watching zombie who refuses to change her very unhealthy spending habits and belief that credit is good and “the American way”. I’m used to frustration and ruin brought on by her spending. It’s her attitude that it is completely impossible for the US economy or US dollar to tank that really bothers me.

What is perhaps the most shocking to me is that she was born and survived in the poorest country in the Western Hemesphere for 15 years and has lived a subsistance lifestyle much harder than anything most people in the U.S. can even imagine yet she refuses to discuss, prepare or change behaviors in preparation for what I believe to be fundamental changes to our way of life.

It’s really starting to burn at me less for my myself but for the fact that her denial and refusal to even engage in conversation over this is putting my children at risk should we not be properly prepared.[/quote]

I’m no psychologist, but I suspect that she feels as though she has “made it” and achieved a childhood fantasy lifestyle and it’s just too painful to hear you say that it’s essentially assured to end. There were probably people who assured her that it would never happen for her in the first place, and she sure showed them! I get this a little bit from my wife who was born and raised in Poland and lived through the hyperinflation there. However, after years of quoting figures and trends to her, even though she still hates to hear about it and doesn’t believe it emotionally, she does admit that there are no flaws in my logic and so begrudgingly agrees to prepare. She knows what it was like to go through hyperinflation, so a little insurance to prevent the worst of the worst is well worth it.

And that’s how I would suggest you couch your conversation with your wife. Tell her there’s no reason to believe that your house will burn down, but you still buy home insurance. You’re a great driver, yet you still buy car insurance. Everyone in your family has lived to a ripe old age, but you still have health insurance. Even if the likelihood of financial crisis is remote, you should still have insurance against it because the consequences would be so severe.

What does it hurt to keep a stockpile of food? You’re going to eat it anyway, and plus you save on gas since you don’t have to run and get something you ran out of — you have 6-months to a year supply already in your basement/pantry/garage. What does it hurt to put some of your investments in precious metals — you need a diversified portfolio. What does it hurt to have an emergency preparedness plan for any number of unforeseen events? What does it hurt to learn self-defense and marksmanship? What does it hurt to be prepared, whether or not your predicted scenario comes true? It doesn’t hurt. It only helps.

Moreover, smart financial habits are a good idea whether or not a currency crisis arrives. You shouldn’t spend more than you earn, period — well, unless it’s for a capital purchase which will earn it back for you. Even in the best of times, people go bankrupt for unhealthy spending habits. Unbridled consumerism is never a good idea, and your kids shouldn’t be learning it no matter the circumstances.

Something else you might want to point out (with actual facts and figures from your own research) is that rich countries can and do fall on their faces in circumstances very similar to what we face today. Germany was a first-class country, rich with industry, a hub of arts and entertainment, with a rich, decadant lifestyle, before they fell into hyperinflation. So were many others — Argentina, Greece, Turkey, France, etc. Zimbabwe was the breadbasket of Africa before sending its people to utter destitution just this past decade. Cuba, before the revolution, was the premier vacation destination of its time, with the best of the best of everything, attracting the most affluent people. Now people sleep with chickens in their living rooms because the state-sanctioned rations aren’t sufficient. An oldie but goody book to read is “Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds” by Charles MacKay. Bubbles happen. Hyperinflations happen. And they happen to “good” people.

Also, she may think it’s too

Also, she may think it’s too stressful to think about this “doom and gloom” stuff, and so wants to remain optimistic. However, I would submit that it’s much more stressful trying to be optimistic all the while knowing in the back of your mind that something terrible may be in the works and you don’t know anything about it or how to survive it. And it’s even worse when your marriage is having trouble as a result. I would work on trying to convince her that she doesn’t have to believe anything that you do, but that if she understood the risks and the predicted scenario, and then prepared for it accordingly, then she could go on living her normal life and be secure in the fact that if anything did happen (although it probably won’t, tell her), she would be covered and her children would be safe. I personally live a very happy and optimistic life BECAUSE I know what’s coming down the pike and am prepared for it. .

Re: Spouse just doesn’t get it

Concernedcitizenx5 – thanks for the Schopenhauer quote. We are dealing with ‘heavy stuff’ so the quote is most fitting. The quote helps me to understand that my wife has actually made some progress in her understanding in a relatively short amount of time. cape survivor and pinecarr – I remember hearing somewhere the following words, “Our aggressor is our greatest helper.” In a very real way my wife’s resistance is a blessing in disguise and testing my resolve. passantgardant – thanks for your excellent observations. You should hang a therapist shingle outside. Yes indeed, who can argue with the insurance perspective? I love pointing this out all the time. l As the saying goes, “It takes two to tango” – so I guess if I let someone prevent me from taking action after a Stage 3 understanding – well, then, I might as well walk around this summer wearing a t-shirt with “Stage 2” written on it!