I care about you… Joey…Tèa…but do you care about me? do you even think of me as a friend? Or is it all a lie, just like the lie that I've been living?

I try my best to act cheerful, to try and make you like me. but do you notice? No, you don't…do you? I don't know anymore.

I want to scream, shaking you, shouting at you. I want to tell you that my name is Ryou- Ryou, not just Bakura. Ryou. the name my mother gave me. I like playing Monster World and playing piano. I have-I had-a younger sister. Her name was Amane.

I'm a person, too. I have my doubts and fears. I have things I like. I have things I hate, and you are quickly becoming one of them.

I cry in my bedroom late at night, shaking with pain and anger. I scream and throw things around the room, shattering a water glass against my wall, glass shards and water spraying across the carpet.

But then…he appeared.

It was during one of these bouts of depression, while I was hugging my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth while sobbing…when he first appeared.

He put a hand on my shoulder, translucent and ice cold.

He looked like me, but older, and wiser. He grinned at me, a sly Cheshire cat-like grin, which seemed more mischievous that malevolent.

I watched him warily, but he pressed his fingers to my lips, telling me that he didn't intend to do any permanent damage.

Then, he kissed me, a quick, chaste kiss. It was as if he was testing my reaction.

I blushed lightly, a pleasant tingling sensation spreading through my body. Even though he was only a spirit, and therefore had no solid mass, I felt the warmth of that touch, and I longed to feel it again.

Hissmirk widened, and he caressed my face again before claiming me for another kiss. Again, though his mouth had no true form, I felt warmth in it.

He brought his lips up to my ear.

"Would you like me to show you a new world?" he asked me, running his not-quite solid hands along my shirtless body. "Would you like me to make you feel wanted?"

Mindlessly, I nodded.

The Millennium Ring around my neck flashed, and we were in a dark room that looked vaguely familiar. A wooden bunk bed with blue blankets and white pillows. Sky-colored wallpaper. My old room back home. The one I shared with Amane, before…

"Welcome to your soul room, Yadonushi," he purred, crashing our lips together again. This time, it was firm, and his body was quite solid.

His hands slid down into my pants. I gasped as he grasped my erection and began massaging it slowly, enticingly.

We fell onto the floor- we weren't going to make it to the bed.

His own erection strained against his pants, and it was then that I knew that he wanted me. I felt a rush of euphoria. He wanted me. I instilled that ancient urge within him, and he wanted- no, he needed me.

Before long, I found myself naked. He drove two fingers into me, and I cried out. He silenced me.

Is this getting too intense for you? Well, too damn bad.

"Don't worry, Yadonushi," he told me. "It will hurt for a minute, but then I will open up a whole new world of pleasure to you."

I closed my eyes, focusing on his mouth, which bit down gently and was sucking on my neck.

He removed the fingers from me, just as the pain was beginning to fade. He shifted his position above me.

"Prepare yourself, Yadonushi."

Something new began forcing its way into me. I threw my head back, holding down a scream.

It was strange. I felt that, somehow, by doing this forbidden act, I was relieved of some of my burden, as if I was sharing it with this apparition, which I barely knew. As if, by rebellion, a broken soul would be made whole.

My mother would be disgusted with me, but at the moment, I didn't care.

He didn't wait for me to adjust to him. He immediately set a steady pace, gripping onto my shoulders for dear life.

I groaned from the deepest, blackest part of my soul, as pain gave way to pleasure. He closed his eyes in rapture. My eyes closed in ecstasy. I focused on the feeling of him sliding inside me, and how good it felt.

I was soaring high, floating above mortal cares. I lived for this moment, for him to pleasure, and to obtain pleasure, from me.

Just the thought of someone wanting me was enough to get me off, moaning loudly.

He whispered my name under his breath. My real name. Not Yadonushi. Not Bakura.

Ryou.

Sweat glistened on his brow. His voice was full of lust, his breathing heavy. My name had never sounded so beautiful.

He held me close for hours afterward, quelling my shaking with empty words. It was the first of many times he'd used me for his pleasure, his lust.

I thought he loved me, Yugi. I really thought he loved me. he used those words on me countless times. Why can't you see that I've only ever wanted what you have? You have it all- friends, family, love…I never had that. my family is gone, either dead or far away.

He gave me what I wanted…I really thought he loved me…he told me he loved me.

But he never did, did he? And you killed him. He'll never use me again. I suppose you think that's a good thing. It's not. I needed him to use me, to verify my existence. As long as he lived, I was wanted.

But now he's gone, and I have this gun in my hand, writing out this note, ready to end it all.

He is waiting for me. Bakura is waiting.

Goodbye, Yugi.

It wasn't nice knowing you.

Please tell me what you think.

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