DAWN wrote:Peoples with bounded eyes are runningLeaded by fear and seeking of happynessThey collide with anyone who is on their roadThey dont want to harm anyoneThey want just to join happyness and stop runningThe wise one, without bounded eyesCan see running peoplesThe wise one have compassion of themSo the wise one dont collide with them

Yeah, but it can be quite upsetting when I think about it. I just had words of condolences from an acquaintance. However, this reminded me of some callous responses. One from an organisation, which my mother was a member. There was not even a "I am sorry to hear that". Just that my mother's name would be removed from the database and that there would be no representative (not even if paid) to attend the funeral - this is only the privilege of the Board of Directors. The staff just hanged up on me when I questioned more.

There was another woman, who was the daughter of an old neighbour. I had called her to inform about my mother's wake. This daughter just irritably told me that her mother had difficulty attending because of her chronic illness. I expressed that I was sorry to hear that. Yet, there was not a single word of condolence from this woman. She just said "I will inform my mother and see what she wants to do with it" and then heavily put the phone down. I was really upset and questioned why do I keep on encountering such rude people; they are disrespectful even to the deceased. My mother had given this woman gifts when she was younger...

Sorry for the rant; this was one of my ways of coping with the loss...

DAWN wrote:Peoples with bounded eyes are runningLeaded by fear and seeking of happynessThey collide with anyone who is on their roadThey dont want to harm anyoneThey want just to join happyness and stop runningThe wise one, without bounded eyesCan see running peoplesThe wise one have compassion of themSo the wise one dont collide with them

Yeah, but it can be quite upsetting when I think about it. I just had words of condolences from an acquaintance. However, this reminded me of some callous responses. One from an organisation, which my mother was a member. There was not even a "I am sorry to hear that". Just that my mother's name would be removed from the database and that there would be no representative (not even if paid) to attend the funeral - this is only the privilege of the Board of Directors. The staff just hanged up on me when I questioned more.

There was another woman, who was the daughter of an old neighbour. I had called her to inform about my mother's wake. This daughter just irritably told me that her mother had difficulty attending because of her chronic illness. I expressed that I was sorry to hear that. Yet, there was not a single word of condolence from this woman. She just said "I will inform my mother and see what she wants to do with it" and then heavily put the phone down. I was really upset and questioned why do I keep on encountering such rude people; they are disrespectful even to the deceased. My mother had given this woman gifts when she was younger...

Sorry for the rant; this was one of my ways of coping with the loss...

It must be verry difficult. I am sorry...

I would like to say some words, but my words are often very dry. Anyway i think that we cant blame peoples with bounded eyes cause they see nothing, at the same way we cant blame animals cause they cant understant somethink that is easy for humans, if you tell it to an animal, he will not react. So dont let it make you suffer. Your mother dont suffer no more.

Your mother should be some one good if her son loving she so much.

PS actualy i am some one who prefers to celebrate the death and cry the birth, so i cant say anything in this situation... I'am just sorry

DAWN wrote:Peoples with bounded eyes are runningLeaded by fear and seeking of happynessThey collide with anyone who is on their roadThey dont want to harm anyoneThey want just to join happyness and stop runningThe wise one, without bounded eyesCan see running peoplesThe wise one have compassion of themSo the wise one dont collide with them

Yeah, but it can be quite upsetting when I think about it. I just had words of condolences from an acquaintance. However, this reminded me of some callous responses. One from an organisation, which my mother was a member. There was not even a "I am sorry to hear that". Just that my mother's name would be removed from the database and that there would be no representative (not even if paid) to attend the funeral - this is only the privilege of the Board of Directors. The staff just hanged up on me when I questioned more.

There was another woman, who was the daughter of an old neighbour. I had called her to inform about my mother's wake. This daughter just irritably told me that her mother had difficulty attending because of her chronic illness. I expressed that I was sorry to hear that. Yet, there was not a single word of condolence from this woman. She just said "I will inform my mother and see what she wants to do with it" and then heavily put the phone down. I was really upset and questioned why do I keep on encountering such rude people; they are disrespectful even to the deceased. My mother had given this woman gifts when she was younger...

Sorry for the rant; this was one of my ways of coping with the loss...

It must be verry difficult. I am sorry...

I would like to say some words, but my words are often very dry. Anyway i think that we cant blame peoples with bounded eyes cause they see nothing, at the same way we cant blame animals cause they cant understant somethink that is easy for humans, if you tell it to an animal, he will not react. So dont let it make you suffer. Your mother dont suffer no more.

Your mother should be some one good if her son loving she so much.

PS actualy i am some one who prefers to celebrate the death and cry the birth, so i cant say anything in this situation... I'am just sorry

To believe such things could easy lead to "to celebrate the death", but that is simply silly (a kind of runaway and ignoring). Its much better to wish her a good rebirth and the best possibilities in here curent existence.

A being who has not been your mother at one time in the past is not easy to find... A being who has not been your father... your brother... your sister... your son... your daughter at one time in the past is not easy to find.

will bring us much effort to understand compassion and when we come across other beings, its good to always remember our mother, father, brother... our lost beloved.

The compassion and sacrifice of our mother is our foundation to develope gratitude and to work on our self as good as possible. Here is topic in honor to our parents. Dear HPW maybe you feel to share some honor over there.

Just that! *smile*...We Buddhists must find the courage to leave our temples and enter the temples of human experience, temples that are filled with suffering. If we listen to Buddha, Christ, or Gandhi, we can do nothing else. The refugee camps, the prisons, the ghettos, and the battlefields will become our temples. We have so much work to do. ... Peace is Possible! Step by Step. - Samtach Preah Maha Ghosananda "Step by Step" http://www.ghosananda.org/bio_book.html

BUT! it is important to become a real Buddhist first. Like Punna did: Punna Sutta Nate sante baram sokham _()_

actually they are the local thugs (small time gangster)who often come to my workplace and ask money, etc. They come almost every week.and also some thugs who pretend to be local reporter who threaten to write bad things about the company, and want some money so they won't publish the story. They have like 20 different kind of newspaper. And the local reporter who force us to buy newspaper that we don't wantI live in a small town in Indonesia, so this kind of thing is very common.

So I was pretty stressed out having to deal with all this people. And was wondering, what did I did in the past to deserve this ?I keep generating hatred and aversion toward them, and wish they would just go away. They were rude, so I was rude to them too. In brief, I just hate them, and think they are worthless peoplewho are too lazy to work, and just ask/threaten other people for money

After some time, I come to realize thatmaybe my hatred, aversion is the kamma I making nowand maybe in the past I also made this kind of kamma of hatred, angerso now I'm sowing the fruit of past kamma of having to meet all this annoying people.

Afterwards, I try to be more balance when I have to deal with themAnd try not to be rude or emotional when talking to themThey come less and less to my workplaceOr maybe because in the past, I put so much attention to themthat I just keep noticing their existence.

Nowadays, I mostly ignore them, and become less annoyed by themAnd sometimes even able to feel compassion for them. maybe meeting them is the fruit of my past bad kamma, and i'm paying my past debt nowthinking like that, makes me feel better

To believe such things could easy lead to "to celebrate the death", but that is simply silly (a kind of runaway and ignoring). Its much better to wish her a good rebirth and the best possibilities in here curent existence.

A being who has not been your mother at one time in the past is not easy to find... A being who has not been your father... your brother... your sister... your son... your daughter at one time in the past is not easy to find.

will bring us much effort to understand compassion and when we come across other beings, its good to always remember our mother, father, brother... our lost beloved.

The compassion and sacrifice of our mother is our foundation to develope gratitude and to work on our self as good as possible. Here is topic in honor to our parents. Dear HPW maybe you feel to share some honor over there.

bluppy wrote:I had some experience with rude people, unpleasant situation

actually they are the local thugs (small time gangster)who often come to my workplace and ask money, etc. They come almost every week.and also some thugs who pretend to be local reporter who threaten to write bad things about the company, and want some money so they won't publish the story. They have like 20 different kind of newspaper. And the local reporter who force us to buy newspaper that we don't wantI live in a small town in Indonesia, so this kind of thing is very common.

So I was pretty stressed out having to deal with all this people. And was wondering, what did I did in the past to deserve this ?I keep generating hatred and aversion toward them, and wish they would just go away. They were rude, so I was rude to them too. In brief, I just hate them, and think they are worthless peoplewho are too lazy to work, and just ask/threaten other people for money

After some time, I come to realize thatmaybe my hatred, aversion is the kamma I making nowand maybe in the past I also made this kind of kamma of hatred, angerso now I'm sowing the fruit of past kamma of having to meet all this annoying people.

Afterwards, I try to be more balance when I have to deal with themAnd try not to be rude or emotional when talking to themThey come less and less to my workplaceOr maybe because in the past, I put so much attention to themthat I just keep noticing their existence.

Nowadays, I mostly ignore them, and become less annoyed by themAnd sometimes even able to feel compassion for them. maybe meeting them is the fruit of my past bad kamma, and i'm paying my past debt nowthinking like that, makes me feel better

Hi bluppy

After reading your post, I found that the rude people I encountered were insignificant. Those you mentioned were more threatening. Just as after the loss of my mother, I realised that the troubles I faced were nothing compared with her...

I have frequently encountered rude sales people, who were loud and reluctant to serve (for less than 10 mins). How do you cope? If I reacted by writing a complaint letter, can I say that its their Kamma - they were rude in the first place.

However, I had encountered these people so often (unprovoked) that I wondered if this is some Kammic occurrence.There was once an old lady in a temple who pointed at a rubbish bin when I asked where I could put the leftover sweets I bought for the temple. Or a woman who smiled at others in the temple but frowned when looked at me; I didn't even know her. There was another case where a woman who promised to give me her name card but ended up giving someone next to me. She just glared at me condescendingly and turned away. There was once during an interview, I politely informed the interviewer about my transferable skills and she just gave a condescending look and asked "what have your peers achieved, what about you?" There were also people who snorted when I smiled at them. So far, only my beloved mother and some of my close friends (since youth or college years) are nice to me.

Is there some type of Kamma that will make people detest you just by looking? This is tiring...Grateful if anyone can provide some advice here.

Hi HWP,

I have had to deal with this issue for most of my life, but especially since my teens. The frequency of mostly just ordinary people (even random strangers) either being scornful, rude or just obviously disliking of me for nothing I've done to them (in this life, anyway) has almost worn me down sometimes, but somehow I keep enduring.

In my case, I see a kammic connection. My appearance is unusual although according to my ex (who is a strikingly attractive woman) I'm handsome in my own way. But, some people who just see me randomly for the first time will look with a kind of 'oh...there's an odd looking person' look in their eyes, or frown (like you said - I hate that also) or, if they are a group of male teens, make a rude remark or just laugh loudly (personally I don't see what's funny about people who look different - I feel compassion instead. Anyway...)

There is no easy short-cut to 'fixing' things that I know of. As I have related above, people can be rude for the most trivial things, even just someone's physical appearance. Many people are amazingly shallow. Luckily, there are also alot of good people out there, too. Make sure you notice them too, and don't just focus on the negative ones. I'm just begun training myself in that area. Focus more on the good people - and learn to literally ignore the bad. (One day, when we are more spiritually advanced, we might even feel sorry for them. But as long as they are causing pain, just shutting them out might be the safest option).

Maybe there is a kammic connection for you, also. But whether there is or not, you will still have to learn how to deal with it. One thing that came to mind for me lately was, 'I should not care what fools think of me; I should only care about what the wise think of me.' When a wise person is critical, we should listen. But a fool? No way!

I have frequently encountered rude sales people, who were loud and reluctant to serve (for less than 10 mins). How do you cope? If I reacted by writing a complaint letter, can I say that its their Kamma - they were rude in the first place.

However, I had encountered these people so often (unprovoked) that I wondered if this is some Kammic occurrence.There was once an old lady in a temple who pointed at a rubbish bin when I asked where I could put the leftover sweets I bought for the temple. Or a woman who smiled at others in the temple but frowned when looked at me; I didn't even know her. There was another case where a woman who promised to give me her name card but ended up giving someone next to me. She just glared at me condescendingly and turned away. There was once during an interview, I politely informed the interviewer about my transferable skills and she just gave a condescending look and asked "what have your peers achieved, what about you?" There were also people who snorted when I smiled at them. So far, only my beloved mother and some of my close friends (since youth or college years) are nice to me.

Is there some type of Kamma that will make people detest you just by looking? This is tiring...Grateful if anyone can provide some advice here.

Hi HWP,

I have had to deal with this issue for most of my life, but especially since my teens. The frequency of mostly just ordinary people (even random strangers) either being scornful, rude or just obviously disliking of me for nothing I've done to them (in this life, anyway) has almost worn me down sometimes, but somehow I keep enduring.

In my case, I see a kammic connection. My appearance is unusual although according to my ex (who is a strikingly attractive woman) I'm handsome in my own way. But, some people who just see me randomly for the first time will look with a kind of 'oh...there's an odd looking person' look in their eyes, or frown (like you said - I hate that also) or, if they are a group of male teens, make a rude remark or just laugh loudly (personally I don't see what's funny about people who look different - I feel compassion instead. Anyway...)

There is no easy short-cut to 'fixing' things that I know of. As I have related above, people can be rude for the most trivial things, even just someone's physical appearance. Many people are amazingly shallow. Luckily, there are also alot of good people out there, too. Make sure you notice them too, and don't just focus on the negative ones. I'm just begun training myself in that area. Focus more on the good people - and learn to literally ignore the bad. (One day, when we are more spiritually advanced, we might even feel sorry for them. But as long as they are causing pain, just shutting them out might be the safest option).

Maybe there is a kammic connection for you, also. But whether there is or not, you will still have to learn how to deal with it. One thing that came to mind for me lately was, 'I should not care what fools think of me; I should only care about what the wise think of me.' When a wise person is critical, we should listen. But a fool? No way!

It's almost a year since I walked away with a lighter heart. I am afraid that I've to seek for advice again because of rude people. A lot of things have happened and I found time to visit my mom's grave to reminisce and grieve in silence. However, I never expected a woman to stare at me grieving and continued to stare even after I looked at her questioningly. After her, there's a boy, around 10 years old, who saw me mourning and stared at me. To add insult to injury, he brought his young relatives to stare at me as if I was some freak show. They remained even after I looked at them. They persisted even after I ignored them. From the reflection off the grave, I could see them peering at my mother's grave.

I was so shocked to see such behaviour that I didn't react. I was never brought in such manner; I was told to leave people alone if it was clear that they needed the solitude.

Was it really so strange to mourn? I should've told them off for treating my mother and me like some kind of freak show. I felt guilty that I didn't do anything. Now, I am angry and sad whenever I think of it. This is the only place I can think of that can put me at peace...

HWP wrote:It's almost a year since I walked away with a lighter heart. I am afraid that I've to seek for advice again because of rude people. A lot of things have happened and I found time to visit my mom's grave to reminisce and grieve in silence. However, I never expected a woman to stare at me grieving and continued to stare even after I looked at her questioningly. After her, there's a boy, around 10 years old, who saw me mourning and stared at me. To add insult to injury, he brought his young relatives to stare at me as if I was some freak show. They remained even after I looked at them. They persisted even after I ignored them. From the reflection off the grave, I could see them peering at my mother's grave.

I was so shocked to see such behaviour that I didn't react. I was never brought in such manner; I was told to leave people alone if it was clear that they needed the solitude.

Was it really so strange to mourn? I should've told them off for treating my mother and me like some kind of freak show. I felt guilty that I didn't do anything. Now, I am angry and sad whenever I think of it. This is the only place I can think of that can put me at peace...

Is it possible these folks came from other social/religious backgrounds? I've stared at people strolling across graves with no concern, but I've been taught not to do so; I wouldn't be surprised if they noticed me staring.

On the other hand my Asperger Syndrome makes it hard for me to recognize facial expressions and MY facial expressions sometimes don't go over well. Is it possible you might have a touch of Asperger yourself?

HWP wrote:It's almost a year since I walked away with a lighter heart. I am afraid that I've to seek for advice again because of rude people. A lot of things have happened and I found time to visit my mom's grave to reminisce and grieve in silence. However, I never expected a woman to stare at me grieving and continued to stare even after I looked at her questioningly. After her, there's a boy, around 10 years old, who saw me mourning and stared at me. To add insult to injury, he brought his young relatives to stare at me as if I was some freak show. They remained even after I looked at them. They persisted even after I ignored them. From the reflection off the grave, I could see them peering at my mother's grave.

I was so shocked to see such behaviour that I didn't react. I was never brought in such manner; I was told to leave people alone if it was clear that they needed the solitude.

Was it really so strange to mourn? I should've told them off for treating my mother and me like some kind of freak show. I felt guilty that I didn't do anything. Now, I am angry and sad whenever I think of it. This is the only place I can think of that can put me at peace...

Is it possible these folks came from other social/religious backgrounds? I've stared at people strolling across graves with no concern, but I've been taught not to do so; I wouldn't be surprised if they noticed me staring.

On the other hand my Asperger Syndrome makes it hard for me to recognize facial expressions and MY facial expressions sometimes don't go over well. Is it possible you might have a touch of Asperger yourself?

Try going back and re-reading what the Tortoise said.

Unfortunately, these people are from the same racial and similar religious background (supposed to be respectful towards the dead).

What does Asperger have to do with anything? Would you gather people to stare at other people's graves without paying your respect? Anyway, I was minding my own business when people just came and stared at me, what kind of expression could I possibly have to attract this kind of (unwanted) attention? I couldn't even cry in silence and grieve properly.

A traveler came upon an old farmer hoeing in his field beside the road. Eager to rest his feet, the wanderer hailed the countryman, who seemed happy enough to straighten his back and talk for a moment. "What sort of people live in the next town?" asked the stranger.

"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer, answering the question with another question.

"They were a bad lot. Troublemakers all, and lazy too. The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted. I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels."

"Is that so?" replied the old farmer. "Well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town.

Disappointed, the traveler trudged on his way, and the farmer returned to his work.

Some time later another stranger, coming from the same direction, hailed the farmer, and they stopped to talk. "What sort of people live in the next town?" he asked.

"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer once again.

"They were the best people in the world. Hard working, honest, and friendly. I'm sorry to be leaving them."

"Fear not," said the farmer. "You'll find the same sort in the next town."

1. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.2. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.Dhp1

And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech.

pegembara wrote:A traveler came upon an old farmer hoeing in his field beside the road. Eager to rest his feet, the wanderer hailed the countryman, who seemed happy enough to straighten his back and talk for a moment. "What sort of people live in the next town?" asked the stranger.

"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer, answering the question with another question.

"They were a bad lot. Troublemakers all, and lazy too. The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted. I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels."

"Is that so?" replied the old farmer. "Well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town.

Disappointed, the traveler trudged on his way, and the farmer returned to his work.

Some time later another stranger, coming from the same direction, hailed the farmer, and they stopped to talk. "What sort of people live in the next town?" he asked.

"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer once again.

"They were the best people in the world. Hard working, honest, and friendly. I'm sorry to be leaving them."

"Fear not," said the farmer. "You'll find the same sort in the next town."

1. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.2. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.Dhp1

Is being left alone to cry too much to ask for? How do you expect me to think well of people who intruded on my personal time with my mother?

HWP wrote:It's almost a year since I walked away with a lighter heart. I am afraid that I've to seek for advice again because of rude people. A lot of things have happened and I found time to visit my mom's grave to reminisce and grieve in silence. However, I never expected a woman to stare at me grieving and continued to stare even after I looked at her questioningly. After her, there's a boy, around 10 years old, who saw me mourning and stared at me. To add insult to injury, he brought his young relatives to stare at me as if I was some freak show. They remained even after I looked at them. They persisted even after I ignored them. From the reflection off the grave, I could see them peering at my mother's grave.

I was so shocked to see such behaviour that I didn't react. I was never brought in such manner; I was told to leave people alone if it was clear that they needed the solitude.

Was it really so strange to mourn? I should've told them off for treating my mother and me like some kind of freak show. I felt guilty that I didn't do anything. Now, I am angry and sad whenever I think of it. This is the only place I can think of that can put me at peace...

Is it possible these folks came from other social/religious backgrounds? I've stared at people strolling across graves with no concern, but I've been taught not to do so; I wouldn't be surprised if they noticed me staring.

On the other hand my Asperger Syndrome makes it hard for me to recognize facial expressions and MY facial expressions sometimes don't go over well. Is it possible you might have a touch of Asperger yourself?

Try going back and re-reading what the Tortoise said.

Unfortunately, these people are from the same racial and similar religious background (supposed to be respectful towards the dead).

What does Asperger have to do with anything? Would you gather people to stare at other people's graves without paying your respect? Anyway, I was minding my own business when people just came and stared at me, what kind of expression could I possibly have to attract this kind of (unwanted) attention? I couldn't even cry in silence and grieve properly.

"What does Asperger have to do with anything?"

If you knew anyone with Asperger Syndrome, like myself, or someone else on the autism scale then you would understand I guess.

Example:I recently was made very uncomfortable in a book store I'd frequented for over 30 years when the wife of the new owner said to me (and I swear I was only offering what I thought as a big smile) "Sir; I want you to know this is a FAMILY (her emphasis) store." making it sound as though I had offered to molest her and her children. Shit like this happens to me all the time. All the time. And it doesn't affect me as strongly as when I was a kid (I cried a lot).

So maybe you don't qualify as an "aspie." Why not accept that some people are rude and get on with your life. Stop wasting your time on these people and move on. The hours you spend worrying about others views of you are wasted hours. Accept that life isn't perfect.

I wasn't kidding: "Try going back and re-reading what the Tortoise said."....this parable offered when you were here last has all the answers you're looking for.You said you were helped somewhat the last time you posted and that's a good sign. Why not follow up on that good experience with more of the same? If you understand something about Buddhism you know it's designed to help people alleviate pain and suffering. Why not stick around and see how others handle "their" problems? You might find some permanent answers.

pegembara wrote:If practicing metta and friendliness is not working, perhaps it is time to be equanimous.

Give them an inch, they will want a mile. I ignored them and they came closer to disrupt by peering at my mother's grave disrespectfully.

Are they doing what you mentioned right here and right now? If not, is it worth letting such persons control your feelings and emotions? I'll bet that right now you are not in their thoughts.Realise that suffering is in you and not in reality.

And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech.