So I heard of this Sick Puppies band and checked them out on YouTube, after the record company sent me their CD and it looked kind of cool. Well, the bangin’ bassist on the back cover looked like Joan Jett. And anyone who looks like Joan Jett is OK in my book.

So I went and looked at the first video that popped up (sorry, embedding was disabled) and, to be honest, I was slightly disappointed. I should know better than to expect much from a young new band on a major label, but the bassist led me to believe that perhaps these kids from Australia might have a little spine. Instead, they sounded like a cross between Nickleback and some sissy Emo band (the current definition of Emo as it’s evolved, not as it started out). But it was catchy and nice to look at – and the alternative was doing some work – so I was watching the cliched storyline play out, bleh bleh bleh … and then it dawned on me:

In all my years in bands, I have never rocked out in the rain.

Actually, in all my years in and around bands, I’ve never seen a band rock out in the rain. Outside of maybe Bridge School, which doesn’t count as that show goes on no matter what happens. The stage could explode and Neil Young would still be standing there stone-faced, strumming a mandolin or something.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that stupid bands who think it’s all dramatic to play in the fake rain, with fake lightening going off, should just knock it off. It’s been done to death and, frankly, is stupid.

And while we’re talking about Sick Puppies’ videos I don’t like, who the hell would date someone who lives on the same floor as them? And we also need to outlaw the cliche of the guy and the girl meeting in the elevator of their building, eyeing each other silently, then hooking up in a mad hissy fit of passion later. It’s fake, it doesn’t happen, and I’m sick of it.

Thank you. Now we can all get back to the hysterical mourning of Michael Jackson.