York University Dean supports student’s religious right to Aztec human sacrifice

TORONTO - After permitting a student to be excused from course work on religious grounds so he would not have to publicly interact with female peers, the Dean of York University is also permitting another student to have the right to ritually murder people to appease his gods.

“We are legally obliged to heed to the student’s wishes of human sacrifice” said Dr. Martin Singer, Dean of the faculty of Arts and Science at the university. “This wouldn’t affect many students as the festival of Tlacaxipehualiztli only lasts 20 days to celebrate the spring equinox and sometimes occurs during reading week. Additionally, the student has assured me that obsidian blades are so sharp that you will barely feel them.”

After previously being denied his right to cut open the chests and tear out the beating hearts of human beings to satisfy Xipe Totec by his history professor, the Dean quickly intervened.

“I understand that people may be uncomfortable with the idea of firing arrows at someone tied to a wooden board until their blood fills a copper bowl, but York University is an inclusive campus that appreciates the values of all religions,” the Dean added.

At press time, the Dean announced changing the name of the Scott Religious Centre to the Quetzalcoatl Institute for Gold and Wind.

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