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Goat Simulator really is just the dumbest thing, isn’t it? Naturally, that’s why everyone in the whole world loves it and I have a pet goat now. I was surprised (and let’s face it: a bit saddened) to find that real goats have functional neck bones and lack tongues that stretch like elastic and stick like gorilla glue, but them’s the breaks. Related: do not hurl real goats into traffic. They will break. That got a bit dark there, didn’t it? But you know what’s not dark? Goat Simulator’s new patch, which includes multiplayer, a new map, and a billion other bits and bobs. The patch notes are incredible, as is a new sunny-as-a-million-dandelion-fields trailer. See both below.

And now for a first. Here are some patch notes I highly, highly recommend that you actually read. Deep breath aaaaaaaaaaaand:

Added local splitscreen multiplayer

Added a new map, try it out in the “custom game” section

The humans have been given a brain with the cognitive abilities of a 4 year old

I really do adore both this game and the attitude behind it. Rampant silliness. That’s it. No pretensions of being anything else. It’s a comedic playground, and that’s wonderful. I wish more games would embrace the spirit of unbridled laughter. And unbridled goats. Do people bridle goats? Is that a thing?

Depends. Do you have a personality and charisma? Well, uhm, okay that’s fine. Many people manage without. We appreciate all kinds of people around here. In that case, just record yourself screaming into a cheap webcam while you play the game. Upload on Youtube. Won’t take long until you’re being paid money to play this game.

Nobody is paying you anything because nobody gains anything out of you playing their game and moaning like the living dead about it. I however, have something to gain from grabbing some beer and pissing the night away with a few friends while we try out various hats then hurl a goat into traffic.

In a world filled with awesome digital game deals, where my backlog seems to grow as a germ colony, I think I will never, EVER play this game, and I won’t feel a single flying swinge for that. Actually I only remember this exists when I see posts like this one.

Dude, my kids (ages 9, 5, 3) absolutely LOVE this game. They spend the entire time I play it in uncontrollable laughter and any time we have family game time they request this game by name….so you may want to check it out it’s pretty quirky.

Because other well adjusted humans and their children may derive enjoyment from silliness rather than shitting on things on the Internet. Why are you reading a gaming forum? Go do something productive.

Damn, seems like I need to reinstall this! Just uninstalled it last week to save space. Only local multiplayer though? Oh well, I can understand the difficulty in making this work online.

Also, always fun to see all the “I am too cool to like this game”-people come out and say their piece. You are all very cool for not liking this game, and spending your hard earned time saying how lame you think it is. Good for you!

Still wasting your time here. Bottom line is, a game that costs a fraction of the latest shiny piece of AAA garbage is providing more fun than said AAA garbage, has an update that adds more to the game than said AAA garbage offers in paid DLC and is making a bunch of people happy.

Stop wasting your hard earned minutes! It took years of work to become the condescending shithead you are today – don’t throw that away on game-enjoying simpletons! Go join MENSA or write stern editorials for your local paper, maybe knock the ice cream out of a child’s hand and give them a lecture on nutrition. Wastrel!

You are kinda bad at this whole “trolling”-thing, you know? I believe a troll tries to make people angry, while your exaggerated attempts at saying how much of a bad game you think this is just comes off as pathetic. Every level-headed adult can see that if something can provide joy then it is good. You might not find it amusing yourself, you might even hate it. But if it doesn’t hurt anyone while making just a few people smile, then it is a good thing. So cheer up, life is too short to waste on trying to make other people miserable.

That rasies the question why your on a site where peoples personal opinions are posted since all I’m doing is posting my opinions on the game. it’s not my fault if people take disapproval of what they like to heart.

Pretty much what Durandir said, if you’re going to troll you have to piss people off, get them angry, make them make fools of themselves. This just sort of leaves me a little disappointed, with a tinge of pity for the sad cynical commenter, then I go about my day and enjoy fun.

Goa-tronica. Surely this is a genre that exists already? I know they come up everytime a band applies a different instrument, or in the case of electronic music: Found a new button to smash on the keyboard (sorry, I’ll see myself out).

Can’t believe I paid nearly £20 to see Godzilla. ‘Okay’ is far too generous an appraisal for a film I can only credit for having good sound design. Yeah, the fighting was entertaining but Bryan Cranston and Ken Watanabe were wasted. A shame given that Edwards’ Monsters was, if not exactly great, at least interesting.

Based on the patch notes these guys should join a decent studio\hire proper programmers and artists (unless this isn’t a total joke and they can do something proper) and starting making actual games with proper, intelligent writing. This display of stupidity shows more imagination and willpower than like, anything being advertised beside this article, for example.

Watch Dogs has a number of Saints Row-esque batshit insane mini-games. Eg spider tank destruction rampages. They take place in VR naturally as else they would totally clash with the tone of the main game world.

Gonzo gaming? Yes, please. I have arrived at the point where I would much rather work in the “real” world at a shitty occupation (office/labor,) or at least do something rather than take on the second (or third/fourth/ etc.) job that most modern games have become… Can you believe that we actually pay THEM for that?

Seriously, though–Goat Simulator is the best bad “game” that I have played in seemingly forever. As has been previously stated, it is pure, unadulterated buggy joy…with goat physics and a distinct lack of pretense.