Wednesday, April 09, 2008

For God's sake, I am so tired of this shit. Does anyone among you, our silent public, go out and do what you want? In practice, the whole polite society thing is just really not working out. First you have your dreams and as a kid you chase them and hope that you actually catch them. Then you grow up a little and you realize that it doesn't always work that way, that most of the time the dreams will elude you. But you have dreams, and there's still a distinct part of you that wants those dreams to come true. But then you grow up more and you chase fewer still and it becomes all about playing the game and if you want to get along you have to go along. And I'm fuckin tired of getting along. And of not having dreams anymore. Why aren't we doing anything about anything? Am I alone in this... do you people go out and do what you want? I don't mean save the whales and the world and the rain forest... I just mean go get the waffle instead of your eggs.

For myself, I don't have any dreams left. I don't want to do anything, be anyone, be with anyone, write anything, and I certainly don't want to want anything at all. I'm ready for sleep, sex, magic cards and smash brothers. (- sex, that's one of those dream aims) Fuck. Life... God damn.

Dr. I know what you mean. Except it isn't a matter of "losing our dreams" we are taught that our dreams don't matter by schools, media, everything. This place programs us to be nice little worker bees and fit nicely into society. If people followed dreams who would pick up trash or even dissect human beings (I am sure some people would do both right?)

regardless I too have no passion, no desires, and no dreams. Except maybe one - which is to leave and disappear from this place (not in some emo way, just pack my bags and go exploring)

I feel sometimes like my dreams are slipping, my goals are slowly dropping to things that are more "realistic" but not exactly what I want. I used to be an extreme optimist, but now I'm a part-optimist, part-cynic.

But then on other days I realize that I do have hope, and I do have potential. I'm not quite sure yet what I'll do with my life, but I can tell you that I refuse to be herded into a situation that makes me miserable and stay in it.

Hope is a part of the human condition, and I still have that. I have good opportunities that I haven't yet blown or rejected, and dreams that are important to me, and that may be attainable.

If I have to use my brains or my creativity or even just my simple humanity, I will find a way to keep on having dreams and keep following at least some.

I hate all this talk about "losing our dreams" and "fitting into society" and shit like that. Nobody is forcing you into a box. You're inventing the society box so you can complain about being forced into it.

Are you complaining that school trains kids to work at jobs? Well no shit, dumbass, that's what school is supposed to do. So you work a job that doesn't involve swimming with the dolphins or climbing Mount Everest, how does that mean you've compromised your dreams? You work mediocre jobs so you can make the money to act on your dreams. Jesus. People. Your job doesn't define who you are.

Work a desk job, it doens't make you a boring worker drone of "society!" It makes you somebody who has enough money to go parasailing on the weekends or throw pots with your friends at the ceramics studio or start a grassroots campaign to make the city busses run on natural gas. What the fuck, people. NOTHING IS STOPPING YOU FROM GETTING THE WAFFLE INSTEAD OF THE EGGS. So quit your fucking whining and go get your fucking waffle!

^ if school is only about getting the job and the salary as you say, then what the fuck. Screw "learning" anything. I can lie cheat and memorize and get a better job than any of you morons. but if school is about learning and passion for it - than school is doing a shit job.

Your pretense of what is good and okay is exactly what you are taught to say.

Good. I'm glad for you, anonymous three. You miss the point, though, unfortunately. I'm not talking about school sucking the life out of me and turning me into a drone. I would kill to work a desk job, especially right now. But maybe you shouldn't use your anonymity to blast my truth with your pristine certainty. Because that doesn't help me. And I'm only talking about myself, and anyone who feels like me. I'm not talking about you. I'm sincerely glad your life is great.

I appreciate what you're saying Dr, even if some don't. I've come to realize that some of my dreams are not possible, nay they never were. The society that some praise as the greatest in the modern world has stolen that which I thought noone could take from me.

I will continue to work towards what I hope to accomplish, but as I type here the world throws up road blocks directing me towards where it wants me. I'm reminded of the movie "Italian Job," where the traffic system is manipulated to guide an armored car to the correct spot.

The question is am I the armored car or the explosives under the street?

What I'm talking about is lack of specifics. What are the dreams that seem so impossible? How is society routing you away from them? Don't just paint the big bad world with broad strokes like some fourteen year old cutter who thinks she can write poetry just because she's mastered the obscure metaphor and unrhymed verse. What, specifically, has the world done to make you feel like you can't be happy? What, specifically, is stopping you from doing what you want to do?

Could it be your determination to feel like the world is against you? Because the way you guys are talking sure makes it sound that way.

We're just going to have to agree to disagree, anon3, because I have no idea what you are trying to accomplish and think, judging from your comments, you might also have literally no idea what the point I am trying to make is.

I like that concept, pchis. That was generally my reason for coming to college. Not necessarily with the expectation of digging ditches, of course, but with the hope for higher learning that would foster the intellectual capacity of my mind and give it exercise.

Thus far, I've mostly been disappointed, but I've seen the potential. Now that Fall semester registration has come around, it's time to exercise that potential.