Meet the Americans: GQ's Brief But Essential Guide to the US Men's National Team

The long wait is over. After four excruciating, endless days of watching fantastic soccer, and also Greece, it’s finally our turn. Later tonight, Team USA—or the United States Men’s National Team (USMNT) as it’s officially known—will open play against Ghana, the team that thrust and twisted the dagger into America’s heart the past two World Cups. What do those games have to do with this one? Basically nothing, except that the shared history provides a handy narrative for sportswriters, and perhaps some motivation for the American team.

Ghana brings the core of its 2010 team to Brazil to rematch with a US group that has been completely overhauled by the world’s most cheerful German, US coach and California resident J&#xFC;rgen Klinsmann. Just six players who represented the USA in South Africa are in Brazil—Tim Howard, Jozy Altidore, Michael Bradley, Brad Guzan, DaMarcus Beasley, and Clint Dempsey, the captain. Most noticeably absent is Landon Donovan, the poster boy of US soccer, and in his place, well, a bunch of guys you mostly don’t know.

Here’s a primer to get you up to speed:

The Coach

There is no question that the most famous person in the US camp is coach J&#xFC;rgen Klinsmann, an all-time-great striker who won a World Cup as the star of West Germany’s 1990 team, then went on to coach Germany at the 2006 tournament. Klinsmann actually lives in California, though, and is married to an American. His son, Jonathan, plays goalie in the US national team junior program. So it wasn’t a huge surprise when US Soccer gave him a giant contract in 2011 to take over for former coach Bob Bradley with a bold goal: remake the American soccer program into one that can contend for World Cups, sooner rather than later. Klinsmann oozes energy, exudes positivity, and bounces around on the sideline like a toddler at Chuck E. Cheese’s. He’s also got a New Age-y side and has been known to fly himself from his house in Newport Beach to the team’s L.A. base in a helicopter.

Faces You Might Recognize

Clint Dempsey: Team captain, amateur rapper, avid bass fisherman, and native of Nacogdoches, Texas, a town I have never spelled correctly the first time. Most important, he’s a very skilled attacking player who, according to former USMNT head coach Bruce Arena, "tries shit." Dempsey scores goals, and when necessary gives mad gas face.

Tim Howard: We hold this truth to be self-evident: every American team will have a great goalie. And for the second straight Cup, that goalie is Tim Howard, a heavily tattooed native of New Jersey who plays for Everton in England and is, according to Klinsmann, one of the five best goalkeepers on earth. Howard has Tourette syndrome, and is a prominent spokesman for the cause. That explains this song, created by Everton fans, who adore the guy, and sing it with love: Tim Timinee/ Tim Timinee/ Tim Tim Taroo/ We’ve got Tim Howard, and he says ’Fuck you!’

Brad Guzan: You know what I was saying about the US and goalies? Guzan is Howard’s backup, and he could probably start for at least 25 other teams in Brazil. If only we could play two goalies.

Michael Bradley: Bradley looks 40 but is only 26. The son of the last US coach, Bradley left New Jersey to play in Europe when he was just 18 and is today the US team’s best player, and perhaps the best American player of all time. Bradley runs tirelessly from end to end, making silly-good passes and then breaking up opposition attacks while occasionally scoring himself. He is hyper-intense and could probably run through a brick wall if you asked him. No player will be more important in Brazil.

DaMarcus Beasley: Beasley’s first Cup was in 2002, when he and Landon Donovan were the two young stars of a team that shocked everyone by going to the quarterfinals and outplaying Germany in a loss. And when he steps on the field in Natal, as the likely starting left fullback, Beasley will be the first American to appear in four World Cups. He looks old, because in soccer terms he is (he’s 32), but the Beaz is still among the fastest players on the team. Very likely to get burned at least once a game, but also likely to catch up and correct his own mistake.

Jozy Altidore: He is a big, fast, athletic striker who appeared to be on his way to international stardom after dominating the Dutch league only to be sold to Sunderland in England before last season and basically lose all ability to kick the ball into the goal. Fans moaned. Sportswriters lamented. Then he scored two goals in the last US warm-up match, against Nigeria, and everyone was all "Yay, Jozy!"

The MLS Guys

Kyle Beckerman: Beckerman reminds me of both Sideshow Bob and Ras Trent from SNL. He’s a defensive midfielder who I long disliked for being kind of slow and painful to watch only to change my mind over the past year for reasons I don’t entirely understand. Objectively, I still don’t think he’s good enough to be on the team, and yet, the US seems to win when he plays. In summation: Go Beckerman!

Matt Besler: True confession: I had never heard of Besler before he was named to the roster for a US friendly against Canada in January 2013. Now, he’s a lock to start as one of the two central defenders against three teams with ridiculously talented attackers. That says two things. One, that I watch too little MLS (because Besler is, and has been, a star for Sporting Kansas City). Two, that the US defense was until very recently—and perhaps still is—in great flux. The first game will probably be only the third time our four starting defenders have ever played together. At the World Cup. In a game we must win.

Graham Zusi: Zusi looks like a guy who would go to a lot of Phish shows but he’s from Orlando so probably he likes Staind. He and Besler both play for Kansas City, were drafted the same year (2009), and were roommates for the first three seasons. The first year, as broke rookies, they lived in Besler’s parents’ basement. (Really.) One day after they got their own apartment, the two were bored and went to the local animal shelter, where they adopted puppies together. (Really.) They are still BFFs.

Omar Gonzalez: This six-foot-five defender for the LA Galaxy has all the tools to be a dominant center back but he’s been terrible lately and seems to be good for at least one gaffe a game that leads to a goal. Two months ago he seemed likely to start; now, it’s very possible he’s fallen behind John Brooks as the first replacement at center back and might just be in Brazil for the tiny bathing suits.

Chris Wondolowski: We have now entered the part of the line-up that made me crazy when it was announced. I have come around to the reality that Wondolowski is on the team, and I will cheer for him heartily, but he still reminds me of a previous era of US soccer when we had only scrappy hustlers who could head the ball into the goal. One way to feel better about the progression of US soccer is to remember that a guy like Wondo would have been a lock on previous teams and now his selection was a surprise. Baby steps.

Brad Davis: I’m trying very hard to like Brad Davis, who looks like Jude Law in A.I., maybe the worst movie I’ve ever sat through in a theater. But that’s not why Davis bugs me. The Houston Dynamo midfielder is even more of a throwback to previous eras, when we filled out teams with a bunch of guys who peaked in college. Most say he was chosen for his left-footedness, and his ability to accurately take free kicks that lead to what announcers call "goal-scoring opportunities." I suspect he will mostly sit on the bench, nibbling Brazil nuts, but if he gets into a game, I will try to love him. Go Brad!

DeAndre Yedlin: Yedlin is a promising 20-year-old defender who plays for Seattle and was probably the most surprising guy to make the team. His most important attributes are blazing speed and awesome hair.

Nick Rimando: Every team needs three goalies, just in case. No team ever uses three goalies, which is too bad—because Rimando, who plays for Real Salt Lake, is actually very good. Hopefully he gets to do some sightseeing.

The Germanericans*

*meaning: the so-called "dual-nationals" who were raised in Germany but have an American father, thanks to our military bases

Fabian Johnson: I love this guy. He is probably our best player at three positions—right back, left back, and left midfielder. If we had three Fabian Johnsons we would definitely win the World Cup, but alas, we have only one so he’ll play right back and will maraud up and down that flank defending wings while creating chances for Dempsey and Altidore. Like many Germans, he loves to vacation in Miami.

Jermaine Jones: One of our two players with dreads. Jones, who plays in Turkey, is a ferociously competitive defensive midfielder who scares both coaches. He’s skillful, energetic, and physical—exactly the kind of guy you want out there intimidating opponents, unless he gets red carded and then you just want to shake him.

Tim Chandler: A one-man exception to the rule that soccer players are always handsome who is widely disliked by American fans for playing footsy with US Soccer for the better part of two years. When he finally committed to the federation, turning his back on any future with Germany, Chandler played a clunker of a game at Honduras. But he’s actually quite good—fast with good ball skills, and a potentially great right fullback. Unfortunately, that’s where Fab J plays, so if Chandler is in the line-up, it will be on the left, where he’s much less good.

John Brooks: An emerging star at center back for Hertha Berlin in Germany, Brooks has tons of potential. Being only 21, though, he’s also prone to mistakes of the kind you can’t make when you’re the last line of defense before the goalie. Probably won’t play much unless one of the starters—Matt Besler or Geoff Cameron—gets hurt, but is a big part of the future for the US team.

Julian Green: Just 19, Green will be the third youngest player at the tournament. He was born in Tampa to an American father and German mother but was basically raised in Germany, where he is the goal-scoring wunderkind of Bayern Munich’s second team. Many people (especially Landon Donovan fans) think Green was given a spot only to ensure he chose to play for the US over Germany and that he’s very unlikely to play any minutes at this World Cup. Look for him to be a star in 2018.

The Other Dudes

Geoff Cameron: When Dempsey left England’s Tottenham Hotspur for Seattle at the end of last season, Cameron became the best American field player left in the Premier League. I dislike his West Side Story haircut, and he plays with the crazy eyes of a man who’s just witnessed a brutal murder, but Cameron is probably the only central defender I don’t worry about. He should be our defensive anchor.

Mix Diskerud: He’s half-Norwegian and a hell of a juggler who somehow begat a weird cat meme on Twitter. Diskerud will be one of the team’s super-subs—a guy called on in the second half of games when the US needs " spark." Has tremendous hair. Always in the discussion for hunkiest national team player.

Aron J&#xF3;hannsson: A shifty Icelandic striker with very good ball skills and a knack for scoring goals. Did I say Icelandic? Yep, but he was born in Alabama, and so qualifies to play for the US. When Klinsmann lured him into camp, away from Iceland, it basically started a national furor that caused Iceland’s national soccer federation to release a statement that read like the deranged letter of a jilted lover. "It is the utmost wish of KS&#xCD; that Aron turns back on his ideas to change national teams," it said, in part. "ron is an Icelander through and through who we need in the tough international competitions...There is no logic behind Aron relinquishing his Icelandic soccer identity." Also: Some fans call him Aron Bacon because they think he looks like Kevin Bacon. I don’t see it.

Alejandro Bedoya: An American with Colombian roots who plays for Nantes in France. Could well start at right midfield. Hustles.

Would you like to get to know the team a bit more—with, like, real information, and video? Try here:

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