Overwhelmed Mom of three very young children.

My 3 year-old son DJ has me stressed out and in tears daily. We have him in counseling. It's not working. He's violent, mean to his 2 year-old brother and 3-month old sister. I am fearful that he will hurt them really bad one time and the affect it will have on him. Sometimes it seems like he has no remorse and doesn't care and other times he's extremely upset and crying, my patience is exhausted and I feel like I live in constant anxiety and fearful he will hurt someone or himself............I give up!!

Have you had him seen by a child psychiatrist? What does his therapist think is going on? What kind of therapy are they doing with a 3 year old? Before any of us can give you better advice, we definitely need more info. Any psychiatric issues on either side of the family tree (diagnosed OR undiagnosed)? Have you tried to find any patterns to the violent behaviors like what happens before he becomes violent? Does he say anything when he's violent to give you a clue about why he's doing what he's doing? When you say "violent", exactly what do you mean? That has such a wide spectrum of definitions for our difficult child's.

Welcome to the family. You will get some great advice and support here. More information would be very helpful.

Yes, I too am puzzled - what kind of counselling could a 3 year old be having? Presumably this is some kind of play therapy? What is the family background? Do you have any reason to suspect that he has some form of disorder? Please tell us more!

Do you have someone who could take him for the day or overnight? A grandparent or other extended family? Close friend?

It sounds like you could really use a break to sleep and regroup. Is your partner/spouse around and able to take a day or two off and stay home with you?

If none of those are options and you are really afraid - which we all understand and we believe you - then you might want to see if your community has a crisis nursery that would take him or all three children for a couple days so you can get connected to a psychiatrist or other community services that might be able to help you manage. The one here in our community is confidential and doesn't report families who use their services to Child Protective Services etc unless they have solid evidence of abuse. The idea of the service is to prevent abuse from happening.

If he's not in out of home childcare/preschool you might want to see if you can get him in somewhere right away so you have a break from him and as a way of keeping your other children safe.

That kind of behavior is not normal in a 3 year old. Does his pediatrician know about it? Is that doctor supportive?

If you can get your hands on it, The Explosive Child by Ross Greene has been really helpful to a lot of parents on the board. He's a little young for some of the techniques in the book (although it's been a while since I read it) but it has some very basic concepts that apply across the board when dealing with explosive children.

Safety is always the bottom line. If your son is not safe because he is doing extremely risky things or you are at the end of your rope and are concerned you might snap then you need to take action. If you have reason to believe your other children are at risk from him then you need take steps to prevent that through increased/constant supervision or by getting him out of the house when you can't do that. And you need to be sounding the alarm bell to everyone who will listen to you that is a medical professional about these concerns.

I have a few questions that could help us help you. by the way, welcome

1/How was his early development? Did he reach his milestones on time? Any strange quirks? Obsessions? Does he make good eye contact with not just you but strangers? Can he interact with his same age peers or does he isolate himself or act inappropriately?

2/Any psychiatric issues on EITHER SIDE of his genetic family tree? This includes Dad even if Dad is not there. These things can be inherited.