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/ 29-Nov-2016 07:37

I didn’t defend myself — mostly because I was still in shock that I could even be capable of such a thing.

Now we have to play games to coerce each other to do something we both already wanted in the first place. I’ve been there, and you know what happens at these places?

Much like a garden won’t grow without the right soil, water and care, most women can’t access their sexual desire unless they feel safe, and we as men have the brilliant opportunity to create that, and when we don’t we’re simply shooting ourselves in the foot.

When women don’t feel safe, they don’t want to have sex.

Apple Podcasts | Android Six years ago a woman accused me of rape. I met a woman in Houston while on tour as a musician. I went through the motions, all the way up to and through intercourse, and she didn’t say no, so I assumed she was enjoying herself and everything was good.

We exchanged numbers and when I came back to town a few years later I looked her up. Then after sex was over (it didn’t take long), she turned to me and said the three words no decent man ever wants to hear. It was like she told me “you have a carrot growing out of your forehead”.

When I slowed things down I also noticed that not only was I not checking in with her, I wasn’t checking in with myself. Once I started asking myself that question honestly, I found there were a lot of things I wanted to communicate, especially because I wanted to create something special, to not just check the boxes.