I HAVE purposely left it a few days before addressing the subject of the God Particle so that I could get it clear in my mind.

You may have heard on the news or read in the paper that scientists made the discovery last week.

Unfortunately, the language they used to describe it was, at times, incomprehensible, at others, less than flattering to God.

One learned man, asked if they were sure this really was the missing link for which they had been searching, said: “If it looks like a duck and swims like a duck, it’s a duck.”

Not a god, then, but a duck.

They are, they say, 99.999% sure it really is what they say it is. And what is that? The particle that is a sort of glue that sticks together other stuff: it turns matter into mass.

Which makes me think that if we didn’t have God’s Particle, we would all come apart at the seams and float around in clouds of photons waiting to intermingle with other clouds of photons. Racial integration would be a given.

Just imagine coming unglued in a crowded bar and everyone drifting into one large cloud of drinkers. No point trying to blow yourself towards the gorgeous girl in the corner. She’s already discombobulated and is in the process of intermingling with the fat bloke with halitosis and spots.

So while a layman may never quite now what God’s Particle is, we should be grateful for having it.

“What about world religions?” my wife said. “Won’t this scupper the ancient beliefs of the world saying God was a particle?”

Of course not.

Religion can easily accommodate the science and add that at some stage in evolution, God, in whatever guise, came along and added His magic ingredient to create mankind in his own image.

It must have been a close run thing, though, that we turned out as we did. I keep thinking about the percentages quoted by that scientist. Instead of humans, we could have been ducks. Which, judging by the weather we’ve been having, would have been appropriate.

Anyway, I hope that clears up God’s Particle, once and for all. Because I, for one, shall not be thinking about it again.