I have been feeling particularly artistic today. But unfortunately it has been raining quite a bit so I haven't had the chance to go out and use that inspiration with my photography. So I figure I'll update you on some things happening in my life.

Well, I have been very busy traveling to debate tournaments (I'll have been to ten by the end of this semester) and also traveling to WA to spend time with my brother and his wife. I am also here to see the birth of my first niece/nephew. Right now I am sitting on their couch enjoying some quite time. We have spent our time taking walks to the water front and around their neighborhood. It has been such a great trip. I have loved being able to spend time with my brother. It has been such a long time since we were able to hang out. There has been a lot of laughing and sarcasm happening in this house.

I've decided to write a book. Don't get too excited! I have started this process so many times. But I do hope that this will be a book that will be finished and that will impact many lives. It was something I was going to work on in a different way but I am so happy with the idea of making it a book. I am hoping to update you all on here about the outline and different ideas I have for it. Here is a very small preview of the first chapter:

"I can feel a desperate plea. This fragile thing begs me to love. No matter what I do it hurts more to love than ignore. It was cold and sterile. The room was dim with depression illuminating the pain that was felt. In the darkest corner a small curled up figure lay gasping for hope. Just one moment changed the entire direction of her future. One thoughtless decision."

I am hoping to get into film photography. The picture above is one that my Dad took and thankfully I have all of his film equipment. I know that our local community college offers a great film photography class so I am hoping to take it in the fall semester. I think it would be an awesome thing to know how to do. I have such great respect for film photographers. Manual in digital photography is easy in comparison.

I have realized that I don't want to be independent. No matter how my family changes I never want to let them go. No matter what comes in between us I don't want to lose my friends. The people in my life are the things that are truly important to me. I am tired of destroying relationships because of frivolous drama. It is already hard for me to have real relationships with people. I want people to think of me as loving and joyful when they see me not bitter or prideful.

I love memories. They make up the joy in my life. That doesn't mean that I rely on my past to create the happiness of my present. It means that I know everything is good because I can look back on everything God has done in my life and I know that no matter how hard life is, He will (and always has) get me through it.

His love is incredible. And we should never take that lightly.

"I am who I am. The only way I will change is if I know I am doing something that is against God's word. I don't need to change for you. Your rejection doesn't matter to me. I want criticism, but not opinions. If I am doing something, wrong tell me. But don't expect me to change because you want me to. Ignore me, but except first that I don't need you. All I need is christ." -From my journal, dated from last spring semester. Some people in my life have written me off or just ignored me. Sometimes it is because of what I have done. Most of the time it is because they don't want to face the problems that lie between us. These people make me sad. I want to talk to people. Especially if I am the one that has caused the problems. And if you just choose to ignore me because of your dumb decision then please realize that no matter what you do can make me hate you or ignore you. God forgives me daily, and I want to follow Him. So please realize that I forgive you too. Give me the chance to love you the way God loves me.

Today I have decided that I really want summer to be here. I want to be free from school and traveling. I want to spend days on a beach. I want to make more memories for me to look back on. I want to hike for fun. I want to spend time with friends and family. This semester is amazing but I can't wait to be done. Life will take me to the next step. I am so excited about that!

I've been wanting to try film, though I have no equipment, for no other reason then I used some of those Kodak disposable cameras recently (which I hadn't used in years) and just loved how you couldn't change every setting on them :D