I've never owned anything designed by Kate Spade. My wife Amy filled me in on some of the nuances of her career, who she was married to (actor David Spade's brother), her daughter, etc. Her work was incredible — and she was a huge success story. According to her brother-in-law, she was wickedly funny as well as being talented and beautiful.

She committed suicide Tuesday, leaving her fans and much of my social media timeline in complete shock. How could someone so successful kill herself?

Suicide is a difficult subject, one that I've had a hard time wrapping my head around. I've lost friends to it. I've had friends lose their children to it. I've seen the devastation it can leave behind. I've sat in funeral services where preachers struggled for words to comfort the family and seen mourners look at their shoes. I've heard theology damn it and people judge the victims. But as I have gotten older, I understand it better. Imagine struggling in the water, trying to keep your head above the surface. No help is in sight (at least in your mind). Speaking of your mind, it is lying to you. You are tired. You just want the pain to stop. So you just let go and sink beneath the waves.

Yes, your pain stops. But for those around you and those who love you, the pain is just beginning. It's a terrible (and final) solution to a problem that can be managed. Brighter days will come. Help is out there.

But it's hard to know who's struggling. People can appear happy and successful on the outside and be fighting a brutal and silent internal war. You have to reach out to those around you and engage them with empathy. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's website, you should:

Listen for: When someone mentions killing themselves, feeling hopeless, having no reason to live, being a burden to others, feeling trapped and unbearable pain.

Observe behavior: Look for increased use of alcohol or drugs (they could be self-medicating). They could be looking for a way to end their lives (such as searching online for methods), withdrawing from activities, isolating from family and friends, sleeping too much or too little, visiting or calling people to say goodbye, giving away prized possessions, aggression and fatigue.

Marshall Ramsey(Photo11: Clarion Ledger,)

Observe mood: Do they suffer from depression or anxiety? Are they showing a loss of interest, irritability, humiliation/shame, agitation/anger, relief/sudden improvement?

And if you suspect someone may be considering suicide, don't be afraid to have the conversation. Start by asking sensitive but specific questions like these suggested by the Mayo Clinic:

"How are you coping with what's been happening in your life?"

"Do you ever feel like just giving up?"

"Are you thinking about dying?"

"Are you thinking about hurting yourself?"

"Are you thinking about suicide?"

"Have you ever thought about suicide before, or tried to harm yourself before?"

"Have you thought about how or when you'd do it?"

"Do you have access to weapons or things that can be used as weapons to harm yourself?"

I know. That's a tough conversation. But the consequence of not having it is tougher.

So how do you find help for those who are struggling? If you suspect the person you are talking to might be considering suicide, the Mayo Clinic suggests, "Get help from a trained professional as quickly as possible. The person may need to be hospitalized until the suicidal crisis has passed."