10/19/2008

I am doing a fundraiser for Hobart JC's, President of Hospitality Club, my kids, bills, school in which I'm like WAY behind in homework, dealing with MS & Meds, falling a few times, trying to help a friend, and having 2 abscessed teeth! On top of this, my right side is just killing me when I change positions and off and on. Sooo, oh that I fell last night and really did a good one on my right foot and arm!

I think right now I'm having the hardest time dealing with the MS and the symptoms. I need a lightweight wheelchair and trying to swallow that is not easy. I don't want to give up but I also need to face the fact that things aren't good in that dept. either. IDK...just overwhelmed!

Well I need to focus on homework and really try and accomplish SOMETHING! I slept all weekend from the shot (I think), so I need to play catch up!

10/13/2008

I am a active member of the Hobart Jaycees and I am chairing a project called DVDs4VETs. We are collecting gently used or new DVDs, VHS, and portable devices for our soldiers.

Any items collected will be donated to local VA facilities for the Veterans, past or present. I am asking how to get information to get this worthy cause some attention. It is close to my heart since my own father is a Vietnam Veteran!

Any information would be greatly appreciated and any attention brought would only help our finest!

10/09/2008

10/08/2008

I have been writing on the side my "story" of my life. What I have gone through, etc etc. Well, I just checked my email and a company is interested in possibly buying "rights" to my "story"!! Oh MMMM GEEEEEEE!

I'm scared stiff about this! They said it would be a great story but needed some "tweaks". So, a little scared on these "tweaks". But it is positively awesome that I could inspire others!! Ok, the money would be great too if it were to sell, but I started because of everything I have been through and overcoming the adversity of it! Wow. WOW! OMG WOW!

On to other stuff, my mom is ill. Not a real good things considering she isn't able to take many anti-biotics..hence the reason I have so many drug allergies! So, hoping this doesn't keep her down for long.

Alicia's x-rays came out negative! YAY! No fracture of her knee or leg! Whew! (wiping brow!) So more than likely it is Bursitis. Ugh. So she can use the crutches as needed. I bought her a good stabilizing knee brace so the doc said that should be ok until the Orthopedic doc looks at her.

Jake seems to be ok. He came home and slept this afternoon. Actually he and I both crashed after they came home from school! I was so wiped out from going to bed early and then being up early that it just messed me up! I slept until about 7 and he and I both took our meds, ate and then he went back to bed! But he seems to be calmer so far. No notes home yet!

I talked to my Grma today. Boy is she just a kick in the seat! Honery just doens't cut the mustard! She gets her jabs in every now and then how we don't ask about her, come see her or call her!!! She is just so demanding but funny about it! So, we came up with a weekly call check in and she seemed ok with that. I just hope I remember to do it! Otherwise I may get on her poo poo list!!!! LOL

That is why I didn't blog about the classes. Yes, I know I was suppose to but I can't find the recipe and when I do I will post them! I need to anyway because I bought cheap white wine to use for the deglazing of the pork chops so I better "chop chop" on it! LOL I know..really bad huh!?!?!

10/07/2008

I have a new program that will type as you speak. I have at times, trouble with typing. It wears on my arms and sometimes I can't focus well enough to use the keys. Most of you don't know, but the MS HAS progressed more than what I am telling you. I tell you now because I'm tired of trying to "hide" my disability so that I "fit" in more. I don't want to be different but there is no way of "hiding" it anymore or trying to be someone else than who I am.

It doesn't mean I was "fake" before, but I would concentrate on walking "normal" or trying to stand for longer than I am able. Today in class, I nearly went down because of the heat in the kitchen. So, I am always on the look out for better things to help me.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, please. God allowed this to happen for a reason. I am up to the task, but it isn't easy to hide what the MS has done to me now. Always know one thing, I'm a fighter and always will!

I have made it through another weekend of the shots.This weekend was not as bad as last (only 103 instead of 104 fever, more awake time, less chilling because of more less fever time also!). I still did not make it to church Sunday and that really upset me, but I'm hoping this weekend I will be able to. Otherwise things are better. I'm looking forward to next Wednesday! I have an appt at 1pm to get paperwork done for my power chair! Yeehaw! Look out Dale Jr, there's another driver in town! Oh, I meant Hobart! LOLOL HURRY! GET OFF THE SIDE WALKS! APRIL'S COMING! LMAO! They are going to also eval me for Fibromyalgia again. They are pretty sure that is what is also wrong with me, but making double sure before a concrete diagnosis. UGH!!!!!!

My mom and I have made amends. It hasn't been talked about at all, just kind of "overlooked". I can say I'm happy about it, but in the same respect, I don't want her to think she can do this whenever life gets to hard for her or stressful. On the same side of the coin, there have been many times I'm sure, she has become a punching bag when I haven't felt well or irritable. So, I guess it is best to let things be and see where they go. Through YEARS of counseling, I have been taught to pick my battles and this isn't one I really want to exert energy on. She knows how I feel and where I stand and if lines are crossed on either side, then it is time to recheck our relationship and either fix or change what needs to be done. If she can not change, then it is for me to do so. Does that help Bonny? I kind of gave advice on yours and mine! LOL

As to other things, Alicia is on crutches still. Hoping the doc has the results tomorrow.

Jake was suspended from school Monday. Long story...but his behavior started with talking rudely, refusing to do homework, flipping people the bird, etc. which is TOTALLY unacceptable. SOOOOOO, that ended up with a Psychiatrist visit (AGAIN this month) at 1pm! We were just there 2 weeks ago and we tweaked his meds some and I guess it didn't go well! OOPPPsss...BUT he IS eating entire bags of Ruffles potato chips in a sitting...like TWICE a day!!! Soooo that is improvement! I know the school isn't happy because we changed his meds and I did not notify them! OH WELL! They always brand your kid..ADHD, Autism, Bipolar, Schzio! How about branding him ....JACOB? He has PDD (Proverbial Developmental Disorder) which is on the Autism Spectrum but we feel he may have Asperger's..which is another Autism Disorder but is much more Jake and conclusive than giving him a broader definition. Having this "label" unfortunately is needed to get him the services needed and to help educate what is wrong with him and why he behaves the way he does. BUT I don't want him to live up to the label or treated any differently because of this. Also, the when the school called, I was told that Hobart doesn't have the type of facilities to help him if this is the way he is going to act. Which leaves me feeling helpless and just downright abandoned!!! So, going to be making a few phone calls to figure out what is up with that!

Mike is well, pics are up on myspace of his Homecoming Pics! Just soooo handsome!

I will be blogging the cooking and baking courses tomorrow. Playing catch up!

Right now I'm having MAJOR financial trouble so money has been a HUGE stress and CHRISTMAS! The dreaded holiday of everything nice and plenty of presents that I can't give because of being on disability and no money! YaY! Can't wait to disappoint my kids, AGAIN! Well, anyways enough of me bellyaching! Just frustrated, irritable, not feeling well with Migraine kind of witching! LOL

::hugs & kisses::

BTW: Dog The Bounty Hunter's 100th Episode is October 15 @ 8pm. If you live in Hawaii, they are having a Party! I can't go, because of the obvious...but my heart and spirit will be there! Make sure you check them out too at www.dogthebountyhunter.com!

10/04/2008

Well, it seems to be that someone doesn't want me driving my vehicle or for that fact BREATHING! Now, if someone has a problem with me, that's fine! But I really take it personally when someone messes with my kids! I have enough of kid messing between my ex and his mother, I really don't need help in that dept!! Thank GOD that I listened to him and the nagging feeling!! The car wasn't acting right when I drove it to school, so afterward, I took it in for an oil change because it was overdue. But it was found that a few "things" were not in order and the consequences could of been dire. (Very CLOSE call may I add!)

It is nothing to take lightly, that is for sure! Now I realize I have "upset" a few people, but I don't quite think they would resort t0 this. Police are investigating this matter and we are hoping to find out WHO is behind this...I have my own conclusions but we'll have to wait and see since this person is under police surveillance anyway.

Any tips leading to an arrest will be offered a small reward! medic4666@comcast.net

10/02/2008

Well, I am down in the dumps this morning. I thought I would be blogging when I got home, but something sparked me this morning to write!

Since last night, everything just really hit me hard. I became depressed and just lost interest in everything! I couldn't even do my homework! :( This morning I took Alicia and Jake to school since Alicia is on crutches. When I got back, I did my Myspace things as usual. At 7:45am, my sister called to ask me about getting an appt. with the orthopedic doc for Alicia (a.k.a. sissy). (Her specialist takes the same insurance as Alicia's!) If I got the appt. I told her I didn't and broke down bawling with her on the phone after a while.

See, my mom and I had a verbal fight. I did something I should not have done, but it wasn't out of malice or mischief did I do it. Since we had received the same correspondence, I thought she knew, she didn't, I didn't mention it because of the 100,000 other things going on in my life. Basically, I forgot. Well she has now cut me out once again. This happened 2 years ago when my parents moved and we have slowly gotten past that. Well, she has always been the type of person when she gets hurt to suht everything and everyone out. I understand that, because I am somewhat the same way. We used to talk just about every morning around 7-8am unless appts or I had school. Last night it hit me so hard and I was missing her badly.

Ya see, I really don't have any close, close friends besides Carol and my mom. I have people from church and a few others, but not anyone very close to me because of a few things that have happened in the last 5 years or so of failed friendships in one way or another that have hurt me to the core, so I don't really let it happen. There isn't anything I couldn't tell her, I love her, she is my mom. So to cut me out like this, wow....it's worse than anything I can think of!! I don't want her in my life, I NEED her in my life. She doesn't even send on those fwd emails either! She talks to everyone else...but not me. My Aunt can hurt her like no tomorrow and she talks to her but me...cut out.

So, when my sis called me out of the blue this morning around that time my mom and I would usually talk, I was on top of cloud 9. WAIT, I still am! GOD was so good to me and knew I needed such a cheering up! I was so overjoyed I ended up bawling on the phone telling her it was one thing and it being another so that my mom would not be peeved at her for knowing about the fight. I know that this blog addy is in my emails, so it is possible anyone could know about this, I just don't care who find out.

My moms behavior has changed dramatically over the last 3 years. She has slowly changed from a loving, warm person to a bitter, sometimes cold person. NOW, before you jump to comclusions, she has had a LOT of disappointment and hurt that could have easily caused any of this but I am wondering if maybe a brain tumor or something that could have brought this on. This is just NOT who she used to be. She has become forgetful and very demanding about you not telling her something when you KNOW you did. She has also become very suspicious and paranoid about things going on around her. Very impatient and unkind about things that would normally not bother her. It's really mind boggling!

Maybe I should not of post this, but at this point keeping it in isn't helping either. I'm torn, hurt, feeling so disconnected since this happened and I want her to know that I do NEED her in my life but if this is how it is going to be, I'd rather not have this kind of pain in my life. It is worth it but only if the circle come back around. I've reached out, it is up to her and I hope that bridge isn't closed by the time she has that circle try to meet mine.

10/01/2008

Alicia:Took her to the doc on Monday...said she had "jumper's knee" and when she woke up today, it was doubly swollen and red blotchy marks on the left side of the knee. Doc wanted to see a Ortho doc but none would either take her insurance or couldn't get her in quickly enough so he saw her in the meantime. She is on crutches with the prospect of Bursitis or fracture of a bone in her knee. The amazing part, she hobbled into the docs office and sat in a chair. She was bawling so hard by the time she got to the chair, I asked for a room so she could be in pain more "privately". The receptionist was older and awkward trying to help Alicia and Me, sooooo I stupidly picked her up and carried her to the room.

You ask why, because I saw my baby girl bawling her head off because of the pain and couldn't manage to walk. A well meaning woman trying to help but made it worse and something just came over me and I wanted her in less pain as quickly as possible and this surge of energy came through me and I swept her up. I am paying for it tonight, quite dearly...but the look on her face and in her eyes was enough.

Also, if that wasn't enough, Jake came home and told me that a stray dog came up to him and grabbed his sleeve and continued after him. I called Hobart PD and they were here within 5 min and went and pursued the dog. He had just passed the dog and wanted to get back and have animal control get it before another child got bit since it was close to the time for other kids to get off the buses!! Thank goodness, it only grabbed his sleeve and broke no skin!! Thank you Hobart PD for being there! I truly felt blessed that these officers really are there for me and my family protecting us!

Tonight I am feeling quite...well...overwhelmed and tired. The greatest HIGHLIGHT of my night was seeing DOG the Bounty Hunter on TV on A&E @ 8:30 tonight. That is when the new episodes are shown! Tonight, Deliah (new papillion) was shown for Beth's Pre-bday gift! Beth left a message on her www.dogthebountyhunter.com website that it was Deliah's Bday today! So happy bday Deliah! It was great and I wish I had more chances being on their site!! I miss being able to chat with the Chapman's on their chat room from time to time! It is truly awesome, so check it out!

I've had some stressors on me lately and I think they are getting the best of me. I believe I may be having a flare up. I'm more tired than normal, not thinking as clearly, can't concentrate, headaches, eye pain, just plain old malaise. I'm concerned because I'm doing things that I normally wouldn't do. I don't know, I think I need to touch base with my Neuro. I need to also get a power chair too so that I can do more things when I am feeling better.

I am still dreading my shot Friday. That's such another stressor! I'm down 3-4 days from this and it really drains me! It also sucks because I'm so lonely. I am just downright really lonely. Not that I don't have a few friends (wink wink, nudge nudge! lol), I miss having that "special" someone to lean on or carry Alicia when she can't walk. Or dry my tears when I'm at wits end or comfort Jake when a kid is being a bully. I do all these things, I don't mind..they are my kids!! I'll go to the end of the earth if I have too, but I miss the hand holding, the comfort of someone's arms or the warming words of a man's voice. BUT not so much that I'm ready for a relationship either. I still have a few wounds to heal and a trial to get through first!!

Well, I've bored ya all to tears and 6am comes early. I have to take Alicia and Jake to school tomorrow. One is on crutches and the other is terrified of his bus stop! YAY ME!

Oh, I plan on getting a treadmill for those wintery days and nights I have ahead! I need to stay in shape no matter how much it kills me. Maybe it will help me recover a lot quicker? Oh, tomorrow is baking class and we are making custards or pie shells or something along that! I will blog both cooking and baking classes tomorrow PLUS (it gets oh so much better!) a Billy update! MUAH!

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About Me

I am a 35 yr old Single mom of 4 teens, with the youngest being diagnosed with Autism. I was a EMT for 10+ years when I had to retire due to Multiple Sclerosis. I did however, get to go and help during Hurricane's Katrina & Rita!! I give back to my community thru anything I can volunteer for!