Just a thought. As the child of seperated parents (they were never married). My mother and I lived maybe 30 minutes from my father.

When ever it was time to visit NEITHER wanted to do the drive. (I worked all day, I'm tired, I don't have the gas, I don't feel like it, I have other things to do... etc. etc. etc) They never arranged it a head of time. They mostly refuse to talk to each other. So there I was with the phone in one hand negotiating this for them. TWICE each visit! Once to GET to his house and again to get HOME.

IT SUCKED! I felt like CRAP! I felt like neither parent really wanted me.

So, just remember the kids stuck in between all this is all. Or, I'm sure you all have thought of that. So maybe a gentle reminder to the ex is what is needed.

Well we provide 100% of the transportation costs which at over 800 miles away is significant. (And before the judgemental mob squad starts making accusations, my DH moved across the country twice to be closer and his EX just kept on moving away. At least now she's stayed in the same place now which is much better and more stable for all of her children including our SD.)

Is it unfair. You betcha. But it is the only way we'd ever get to see SD so we just consider it our parental (and step-parental) duty. The ex has made life decisions that make her financially unable to help out and we just accept it. This situation won't last forever but the good relationship we build with SD will.

FWIW, there is a good chance SD will eventually come to live with us in a few years. DH and I pretty much think that if SD is to see her mother during that time we will STILL have to provide transportation if we want SD to have any sort of meaningful relationship with both her parents...which we do.