Saturday, 6 June 2015

Confessions Of A Sleep Deprived Mum

You honestly don't care that you only have rights to the corner of the duvet or the fact that your feet are poking out the bottom of the bed, you just want sleep.You've even learnt to sleep surprisingly well with a little foot wedged in your spine and you're quite accustomed to random flailing fist attacks throughout the night.You roll your eyes at anyone who says they're 'exhausted' infront of you, refusing to acknowledge the fact that they might well be! (Exhausted?! HA! you wouldn't know what exhausted is!...)You start to take on all the advice you shunned at the beginning. Sleeping when baby sleeps is absolute genius.You become that highly irritating Debbie Downer that you yourself hated when you were pregnant"Ohhhh you may get all the sleep you can now, there's no sleep once baby arrives!!!"You regularly participate in fights with your other half over who is more tired and list everything you've done that day to plead your case.There was a time, long ago that you could only sleep with two pillows and the duvet had to cover your legs, now you can sleep without both..You feel hungover in the mornings without even as much as a sip of alcohol the night before.

Pjs are mandatory from 3pm onwards regardless of how light it is outside and you can't remember what your hair looks like left down. (Long live the top knot)In fact you've more choices when it comes to pjammas and lounge wear than 'going out' clothes.You fight with yourself to stay up past eleven at the weekend, just to feel like it wasn't a wasted night. (Even know you'll not even remember the last half hour of Graham Norton in your semi conscious state)Which is the reason why you have a sky planner full of half watched programmes that you never get caught up on.You hate that one mum on your Facebook who continuously gloats about their 7pm-7am sleeping baby and think she's nothing more than a smug ******, despite the fact she's actually really lovely and has always been extremely nice to you whenever you've bumped into her.You have the best intentions on a Friday night, but end up emptying the contents of your wine glass down the sink and you wonder what the hell you've become.When the Grandparents offer to take baby for the night you're more excited at the prospect of a full nights sleep rather than the date night you have had planned for ages. Getting ready is effort, effort requires energy. Takeaway and sofa it is!The Boots points you've racked up with all the nappies/milk and Ella's Kitchen go towards all the concealer you need to cover the Uncle Fester eye bags you've accumulated.If you were to go through your Google history you'd find countless pages of sleep related questions.

In fact you have that much knowledge on the topic you could probably teach it.You fight over who's turn it is to settle the baby down when you hear 'the call' on the baby monitor. (And then suffer crippling mummy guilt for not going....but the trek up the stairs really does seem mountainous)You get to the stage of pleading with your baby. Yep, actually pleading.You've forgotten how many scoops of formula you've already put in and just hope for the best.Every once in a while your baby will do something hilarious in the middle of the night that has you in fits of laughter and will leave you feeling awful for ever feeling angry in the first place.You're well over that period you thought that you were doing something wrong, now you've just accepted your baby is and always will be, a shit sleeper.A glass of wine suddenly becomes acceptable once the clock strikes 3pm, it's Happy Hour somewhere in the world, right?You shout at your partner to find the dummy "QUICK" only to find it is still hooked around your finger.Getting four hour of sleep a night is good going.You've had the 'break up talk' with your partner at least once in the early hours which has been completely forgotten about by the morning.You know whats ahead but you can't help but love the bedtime routine. Is there anything cuter than a baby in jammies?It's been months but you don't give up hope., every night you're convinced it could be 'the night' they sleep through.

You've tried every solution known to man and will mentally want to swing for anyone who suggests you tweak your routine. You complain about the lack of sleep yet finding yourself watching your baby (when they've finally settled) in absolute awe. Those chubby cheeks and pouty lips. Ahhhhhhh.And no matter how little sleep you've had or how rough the night as been, when they flash a big ol' smile at you in the morning your heart melts and all is instantly forgiven.