jim gaffigan

Last week the USDA recalled over 8 million pounds of "diseased and unsound" meat sold in six states. The leading offender in potential-zombie-inducing meat product? Hot Pockets. The idea of unsound meat inside the lil' grease pouches is all the more disconcerting given that it is physically impossible to cook a Hot Pocket through all the way in a conventional non-nuclear microwave. So, for clarification: Diseased, unsound, and partially frozen meat.