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About Me

THANK YOU! for your interest in this subject matter and in my story. INTENT: #support for the #significant_others of #transsexuals and #transgender, to #advocate the necessity of being your authentic self, and to share information with others. By this, I hope to support your own journey, or add to your understanding of the journey of someone you know.
ABOUT ME: A 45 year old #heterosexual woman, divorced w/children, I met Jack and fell in love. Six years into our relationship, he confided his secret desire--Jack wanted to be a woman. Before his disclosure, I had no reason to suspect his interest. It was a shocking surprise! It was the decade of the 1990's. Little information was available to help ME understand 'Why' and 'What next". Not only was Jack in transition, but by virtue of the circumstance, so was I. Guided by my heart, I began a journey of my own. Stepping out of my comfort zone I challenged my attitudes and belief systems, as well as, my own sexual orientation
to help me decide
'Do I stay, or do I go"?

Disclaimer Note to Information and Video Links

Informational links and videos for chosen topics are provided based on conversations and experiences I shared with J and the challenges that we faced. If the information provided helps just one person who views, it was worth my posting it.

Not everyone's need, or experience, will be the same as ours was.

By your View and your click on a particular post, I am able to know which topics are of most interest to the reader and will make sure I include responses to your interest within my book.

Thank you for your support!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

"Where, oh where, do I go to find shoes in a large size?" you ask. Here are some suggestions. I found a site that has a "where to go" chart by on-line store and gives sizes that can be found there. It is http://www.alaska.net/~kathryn/heels.htm There are no doubt others, but I found Kathryn's site a good one over all. 'Kathryn' also has other clothing categories on her website which provides a one-stop shopping experience.

I remember when J showed me pink tennis shoes in size 12, proudly holding them on hands outstretched, grinning from ear to ear. "Do you know how hard these were to find in my size?" she said. It seemed that on-line was her only option. However, J found the pink tennis shoes at PayLess!! Checkout online stores such as Zappos and Barefoot Tess --- Heels, tennies, and more --- . I hope this helps! Good luck!

Seeing J dressed in drag, with makeup applied better than even I could do, I realized, "he" at the time, did not need any help. (But if you do, for a "how to" watch the makeup video in sidebar)

When it came to buying a bra, however, J was at a loss. (For M2F trans pondering how to find the right one, try this video in the sidebar on for size.) As far as 'where to go", I suggest starting in major department stores such as JCPenny and Macy's. These stores are usually well-equipped to fit most women with styles, from sports bras, to functional, sexy and pretty,in colors, fabrics, patterns, lace, underwires, and spandex. Choices, choices...and, at average pricing. Sales women with years of experience are usually available, and will help you with sizing. Boutiques, and Victoria's Secret are also options. I have found, however, that sizing in boutiques and at Victoria's Secret may be different than the average bra store, and prices higher, so be prepared. Once you know your size, another good option can be Target for inexpensive bras. Bra prices can fluctuate anywhere from $12.00 to $85+.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Writing about a subject that for many people is still "behind closed doors" in the U.S., I am gratified to find, blog views are coming in from all around the world: Europe, UK, Russia, Canada, China, South Korea, Ireland, Germany, France, and South America. This is motivating. When I give public open mic readings to audiences of the "average man/woman on the street", I have often been approached by people who say, "My brother did that." Or, "My wife left me for a woman." Or, "I know a person at work that changed." Most end their statements with "I don't get it." but each, wants to talk. I learn their interest is more than curiosity, there is a desire to understand. To me, this is proof that education, information, and conversation needs to be had. I hope, ultimately, it shows a willingness to want to know, to change old ideas, and adjust perceptions. Thank you for your views! Your views are encouraging a transparent window onto what has been a dark closet's wall!

Friday, December 13, 2013

I must applaud a great article called "This Mongrel Land" is available in the sidebar link. It delineates well the needs of the transgender person. I encourage everyone - particularly the cisgender, the family member, friends of the TS who are watching and going through the TS transition, to read it. For the curious, man or woman-on-the-street, who want to know more and be socially correct, this article gives a good overview.

While most articles focus on the needs of the TS, we must not forget that the cisgender, or significant others, wives, children, family members, and friends are transitioning too. Watching the TS transition can test the mind, spirit, belief systems, ...and as we watch realities morph ... We come to realize TS transition isn't a singular one-sided process. That is why I am writing. Through information and knowledge we can all transition and grow from the experience.

Friday, December 6, 2013

One might think why the BDSM community? Within many BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadomasochism) organizations, the term "safe, sane and consensual" guides the participants. I realize that the first thing that probably comes to your mind is the vision of leather-clad females cracking whips, at a male in shackles. While that can happen, it is a stereotype.

This community venue can provide a much larger stage for the #TG #TS. Open to diversity in thinking, role play and what is termed 'power exchange' The BDSM community may provide a safe place for some to act out what I will call "fantasies of self" in a non-judgmental/accepting and most importantly, a SAFE environment. "Safe" has the additional caveat of meaning "confidential" "private" and #consensual....

At organization events, it is possible to 'try the desired new self 'on for size'". Dress in costume (e.g., dress as M2F or F2M), role play in the gender one wants to be, practice voice and gestures/behaviors, and participate in what is called "power exchange". An explanation of power exchange, can be leaving the "male dominant" role for a few hours as one acts out, or explores, a "female submissive" role, or a female dressing as a male, and role playing, or "acting the part", among others who actively support through improvisation. At the same time, it is not encouraged to use BDSM play as "therapy" ... rather exploration of self.

I will state here that before engaging in this activity, research for an organization that supports 'safe, sane, and consensual role play'!! I believe that most groups require a participant to be 21 years of age or older. Review the organizations charter before joining, to see if they stress 'safe, sane, and consensual play', and if there are daytime/weekend group introductory meetings, attend one before you join or go to an evening event. Many can give you an on-line informational link before you attend any group intro meetings. You might check the Angelfire.com site on line which lists #BDSM, #fettish and #kink groups by State within the U.S. J and I found groups in San Francisco supportive to the #trans.

Life happens. Posting in a tweet today, I couldn't help but think about this statement. We can't control what happens to us or around us in life. We can try to control how we handle it. I could have done what some suggested "Run, run fast. You didn't sign up for this." But I chose to stay, and took the journey with Jack, and tried to learn by the experience. In the process I discovered a lot about the trials that others have in life that otherwise, may never have come to my attention.I also learned a lot about myself. If I could re-do it with what I know now, the journey for both of us might have been much easier. I am grateful for what I learned, and I hope that I can effectively, at some point, through #mywriting, share what I learned with others. #change #trans #TG #significant_other #cisgender #LGBT #making_a_difference

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The question every #TS has at some time whether it is a M2F or F2M. "Will I 'pass' when I go out in public?"

You dress, you look into the mirror and the image before you is the best you can do." "I'm ready." You say to yourself. Then you take the chance, and go out in public. Deep down you are wondering if you will pull it off. Will the person you pass on the street see you M2F, as female? or F2M, as a male? or, will some way you look, sound, or move, give you away? After all, this is new to you. You have not had a chance to perfect it yet. .... but you do it. Confidence is key!

"It seems to be working." you say to yourself. "It seems no one guesses what I have gone through to get here, in this moment." You feel you are managing to 'pass'. "What's next?" you think to yourself. You head for the Ladies/Mens Room." ....

Monday, December 2, 2013

When J came out expressing his desire as M2F, he shouted, "You should have known!" But I didn't.

How would I have known? I questioned myself repeatedly...what clues had J dropped like breadcrumbs in the forest? Then I remembered the tube of lipstick on the bathroom counter that wasn't mine; and,the Pussy Tourette CD I frequently saw lying on top of the CD player. (View U-Tube video in sidebar.) Had these been clues left for me to discover? Perhaps-- But how could I have known? The question I could not answer.

Homosexual = Relates to a tendency to direct sexual desire towards another of the same sex

Intersex = LGBTI

Lesbian = a female homosexual

LGB = refers to the community

LGBT = lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender

Metamorphosis = A change of physical form, or structure. e.g. caterpillar to butterfly

Pansexuality = Exhibiting or implying many forms of sexual expression

S&M = This term stands for 'sadomasochism' which is the derivation of pleasure from the infliction of physical or mental pain either on others or on oneself

The Community = In this story it refers to the S&M community

Transsexual = A person with a psychologiacl need to belong to the opposite sex, who may feel the need to undergo sex reassignment surgery in order to modify the sex organs in order to appear to be of the opposite and desired sex.

Transvestite = A person who adopts the dress and often the behavior which is typical of the opposite sex for purposes of emotional or sexual gratification

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