Like many of you, I have a personal Instagram (IG) account where I like to share nature photography and images of trips I have taken. Essentially, I use IG as an extension of my memory and like the easy access when I want to reminisce. I am not a frequent visitor to IG but when I do have some downtime I scroll through the feed of images.

I have to admit that my tolerance for IG is low but I love looking at other people’s nature photography and photographs of other countries. This usually will only last for a few minutes before the clinician in me comes to life when I come across a photo gallery that makes me uncomfortable. This type of account will usually feature only photographs of the gallery owner’s face or body which have been heavily filtered to remove any self-perceived imperfections. I can’t help but feel sadness as I peer into the unreal images of a face distorted by over filtering. Of course, this is not the desired effect but I cannot help seeing the inner void in the person looking back at me. There is an obvious need for validation of their existence. In an attempt to be relevant and noticed, individuals will go as far as sharing photographs of their semi-nude bodies.

Others will post highly dangerous photos in order to seek the spotlight. There have been numerous reports of deaths attributed to individuals trying to capture the perfect selfie shot. These unnatural deaths include being mauled by wild animals, falling off cliffs, trains or other high places and accidentally shooting oneself while posing with a loaded gun. Every year the number of these “selfie deaths” continues to rise. The threshold of what is a cool social media photo is becoming more outlandish and dangerous. A little while ago it was taking photos from a frighteningly tall building as you either dangle your feet over the edge or hang by your hands from the ledge. Some of these photos sadly resulted in death. I don’t know what the current “it” photo is but as long as people continue to seek online fame and the need to feed their validation addiction I expect this upward trend to continue.

Perhaps, it is simply self-absorption and an inability to see the world around them as opposed to a diagnosable personality disorder. Like a tight knot that does not allow any light into its inner core, self-absorbed people are so consumed with themselves that they appear to lack insight about their actions and surroundings. They are solely concerned in feeding their fragile ego. I can imagine that to be the partner of someone solely interested and invested in themselves is to live in a constant shadow that occasionally results in a torrential downpour of negative emotions.

Currently, taking too many “selfies” is not a diagnosable mental disorder. But, in a recent study published in the International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction in January 2018 by two psychologists, Mark D. Griffiths and Janarthanan Balakrishnan, they noted the following, “Those who take three selfies in a day but don’t post them on social media fall into the borderline category. Those who post at least three per day are considered acute, and those who have an “uncontrollable urge” to take selfies all the time and post at least six on social media per day are considered chronic.” Further, another study points out that individuals who suffer from a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) tend to post more filtered selfies of themselves than any other group.

At this time, I do not know if taking an obsessive amount of selfies should be classified as a mental disorder. However, I do agree that the need for constant validation from others on social media can be damaging to relationships, one’s mental health and can be deadly. In a way, social media has weaponized our mobile phones to murder our self-esteem. I am concerned that we currently live in a society where people crave excessive validation from total strangers. The irony in all of this is that in order to feel good enough to be judged by strangers these individuals have to present a false image of themselves. This creates a very destructive and unhealthy cycle resulting in dissatisfaction with the way one looks and a desire to look like the unrealistic filtered image that receives the most validation. Unsurprisingly, a recent study stated that there has been an increase in people going to plastic surgeons for procedures to make them look like the image they see in their Instagram photos. Other research has linked social media use to heightened feelings of anxiety, depression, poor sleep and body image issues. One study pointed out that it only takes 30 minutes daily on Instagram to change how women view their bodies. They will start to objectify their bodies and believe it exists for others to view. This objectification may lead to depression and eating disorders in young women.

But there may be hope. A recent study stated that 54 percent of U.S. teenagers say they are spending too much time on their cellphones. Further, 52 percent report taking steps to cut back on using their mobile phone and 57 percent report trying to limit their social media use. I recommend that you make an honest assessment of your need for the validation that you receive on social media sites. If you are not able to take a week off from all forms of social media you may have an issue worth exploring. I encourage all of you to take the one week challenge of going social media free. We need to have the courage to be able to sit with ourselves in silence.

For my own mental health and that of my family members, I suggest limited contact with social media or avoiding it completely. I have a young niece who had an IG account for a month and was wise enough to decide she did not have a need for validation from total strangers. You can decide for yourselves and your family what is the right amount of time to spend on social media and what is appropriate to share.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I would love to hear your thoughts on “selfies” and the need for external validation from social media. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

The thoughts expressed in this blog post are my own and are not meant to create a therapeutic relationship with the reader. This blog does not replace or substitute the help of a mental health professional. Please note, I am unable to answer your specific mental health questions as I am not fully aware of all of the circumstances.

Kindly,
Dr. Perry

CREDENTIALSPh.D. in Clinical PsychologyM.A. in Clinical PsychologyB.A. in Psychology

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The materials and content contained in this website are for general information only and are not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users of this website should not rely on the information provided for their own health needs. All specific questions should be presented to your own health care provider.

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229 responses to What Does Your Social Media Say About Your Mental Health?

Great post! ‘We need to have the courage to be able to sit with ourselves in silence’ – very true. I have no social media outlet besides my blog here, which takes a lot of my time already, but do see your points, very valid. The one week challenge, is a challenge indeed. 😬😆

This is a GREAT post. I have to admit that I was once that person. I’m embarrassed to admit it. I was becoming so anxious over what to post next. I thankfully realized this was such a pathetic way to live and got rid of all social media. I am a million times happier and living my life seen through my eyes and not through a phone. Thank you Dr. Perry!

I really dislike Instagram and all the phoniness on there. We all know that people do not really look like that in real life! I believe social media is a big reason why people report being more lonely than ever.

I love this post! It’s very honest. Social media is a way to get that recognition and attention that you perhaps never got at home. I can see right through social media posers, because I was exactly the same. But it doesn’t have to be a toxic space! We have a choice! We can totally unfollow the stuff that drain our energy and follow the stuff that empower and educate us 🙂 ❤

I found that the more I was on Instagram the more I started judging myself. I stopped wanting to take photos of myself (in a healthy normal range) and posting them on Instagram. Why should I think twice about posting a photo of my family and I on Instagram? Well, I don’t want to be judged. Great post as always Doc.

An online acquaintance, whom I learned to know through a hobby we have in common, has made me think quite a lot about this lately. This person posts so many selfies that it makes me worry about his health, and when he doesn’t post selfies he posts images of expensive things he has bought. It’s such an obvious cry for help, and I wish there was something I could do to help – but what?

Thank you for your recommendation for helping friends with social media obsessions. I have several and as Pernilla45 said, I see their cry for help. But I fear that tabling the issue would damage the relationship. Caught between a rock and a hard place as I care for these pple very much. It hurts seeing them so caught up in this online world of fake-ness 🙁

Thank you for affirming my observation. I have never used IG because it seemed for the most part very shallow and impersonal. I also still have a flip phone and cannot fathom the need to take a picture of myself close up! 😉

I started blogging on a regular basis after my TBI. I didn’t start till a year after my injury because I could not put a coherent thought on paper. Initially it was my way of keeping track of my progress. Soon I was getting responses from readers and hearing how my posts were helping them. The blog has become part of my support network. Just knowing I’m helping others gives me added purpose.

Thank you for such a timely article, Dr. Perry. The part about seeking validation from strangers by presenting a false version of oneself hits home for me. That’s one reason why I’ve been off social media since April. It should also be noted that the companies behind many popular apps for the self-absorbed seek to make them as addictive as possible.

I think it’s a very complex thing; social media. Recently I took a couple of days off deactivated my fb account. Its not as simple to stop all social media even if you are NOT vacously post loads of selfies, as they’re are many forms & technology advances allowing u to opt to still be signed into messenger for example. I do agree it is very sad when people post superficial filtered pics & being objectified is so sadly natural to the younger generation. I wish I could’ve gone cold turkey on IG & messenger etc too. But for its a text connection path to friends & recorded chats. I like to keep my posts real by posts regarding mh related stuff & funny vids & songs. So it’s expressing creatively. Especially if you live alone to connect with the world to reduce isolation. That said I know at times I spend too much time on social media & just seeing everyone stuck to their phone when I’m out on my walks it’s quite sad how insular we’ve become. Even out on my walks I have getting notifications of various messages because I want me time & to be mindful but there’s no escaping it! Also If you work u have time away from it naturally but if like me u don’t due to health or other reasons it can be a minefield to monitor your usage. Bring back the old telephone!

I find that the more time I spend scrolling through Facebook, the more depressed I feel. I have many struggles and imperfections, and on social media I see everyone’s highlight reels. It breeds discontent. As much as I’d love to ditch it, it’s an advertising medium for my blog and a communication point for some organizations I’m in. I just try checking notifications and avoid scrolling.

A lot of people get depressed after going on Facebook. I feel the same way you do and my reasons for not ditching it are due to finding information on subjects that interest me. But I can see the day approaching. It’s just a matter of time.

These particular words, “In a way, social media has weaponized our mobile phones to murder our self-esteem” really resonate with me. It is such a worry to watch my teen-aged nieces and nephews struggle with the perceived demands of strangers and others. The need for validation, the need for relationship, in a world that seems to be so focused on surface without substance – it can be frightening. Still, I meet lovely young people who seem to have their act together. I shared this post on Facebook – I don’t have an Instagram account, at least not yet LOL. Thank you for sharing this very important post. There is a lot of meat here and you are very kind to share your wisdom and insights.

I am begining to dislike social media all around. I do ‘follow’ a lot on IG but I don’t follow . lol and I have a friend who everytime I open facebook…there she is in all of her glory. Selfies are not my thing. I really don’t even enjoy being in photos but now with my husband gone I wish we had more .

I think people need to shift they way they use social media. I don’t see any selfies bc the accounts I follow are educational, rooted in mission work, or artists using the platform to connect and showcase their work. We can allow it to control us and exacerbate dormant internal issues or we can use it to connect and to grow. Of course it’s not that easy or straightforward. It’s incredibly sad people are loosing their lives for a ‘selfie’ and changing the way they look to resemble a filter- almost hard to comprehend. Thanks for the mental food this morning!

Well explained the psychology behind the selfie craze. India tops in Selfiecide.What do you think the reason ? Is it because of the huge population in India ? As a physician ,I think it is going to be a mental disorder soon.May be psychological advice will help the poor souls.Thanks again Very informative and educational.

I love Instagram as it is quieter than Facebook. I am very, very choosy about who follows me and who I follow. It’s Facebook I despise and use only for the online fitness program I’ve belonged to for years. I do not post selfies on Instagram only bits and pieces of real, unfiltered life. The occasional selfie on Facebook is usually me doing lighting and makeup test as soon all team meetings will be on webcam. Need to make sure I do not look so washed out due to the harsh overhead lighting in my office.

I think selfie people are trying to do and be whatever gets them followers and attention- like an identity crisis mixed with extreme people-pleasing. I’ve got two teens- one who’s on the phone a lot and one who isn’t. I’ve got mixed feelings and like the limit-setting idea. My teen that’s not on the phone doesn’t get invited to many parties or activities because that’s how kids communicate. Even if they sit next to each other in class, they don’t say, “hey, wanna hang out after school?” Unfortunately, I’m finding myself pushing the phone 😔.

I can’t understand why I should take pictures of me. If anyone wants a picture of me, one can say it and we will take it. Quite simple.
Social media is important for me to meet people I wouldn’t otherwise meet. I am learning so much from others! What they look like is secondary. 😉

My cousin calls Facebook – Twoface book. So true. People live such wonderful lives on Facebook!

I do use Instagram to spread awareness about domestic violence and my work as a DV awareness advocate, and in doing that I have to share some of my story as a survivor of DV, but DV awareness is the focus, not me. So, it does have it usefulness. As with most things, moderation is the key.

I couldn’t agree more about it consuming some people. If they would only realize how people are viewing them…with pity more than envy…they may back off. I particularly feel badly for the young people who grew up with this and think it’s a necessity of life.

I work in education and this summer we were given imagine a Bingo sheet for a Summer Selfie Challenge. Each square had a place or activity for the participant to take a selfie. Just looking at the sheet…got me anxious 😳 as I am NOT a selfie taker! There were things like amusement park, beach, sunglass selfie, coworker selfie. It was fun, in the sense it got me out of my comfort zone. Once I got over the anxiety…I made a choice to only do the ones that were manageable for me and “let it go.” After this exercise…still NOT a selfie taker!!! 😂

I love social media but I am well aware of the fakeness out there. Children however do not. That my worry!
Currently I have 3 teenagers in my home and if you can believe it THEY ALL go out with their friends and do photo shoots. Boys and girls—it’s so weird to me! They do photo shoots in their car, by our creek, in their new school clothes….you name it and then post on their Snapchat
Ughhh

This was a really interesting post. Thank you. I do think that whilst social media has its positive aspects in terms of connectivity, it does have its downside. I think the main negative, is that it creates this false notion that everyone else has a perfect life as people only display the best parts of their lives; holidays, new homes, wedding days etc. It allows people to repackage their lives. Life isn’t just the good times, it’s the bad times too but we rarely see someone advertising something negative about their life. I can imagine this can become quite unhealthy, for those who are pressured to portray this ‘perfect’ life and for those who are observing it.

Hey there – couldnt have came across this at a better time. I just removed my ig off my phone i got approached by 3 ppl regarding our kids playing on ig. I remembered the anxiety i felt with fb. So i took the photos down uninstall ig. and since I left fb i feel more free 🙂 i am sharing this post to some of my anxious friends. But i have to ask wordpress does it qualify as social media?
Selfies -snap chat?does jt fall in the mental to just take a funny pic of filter or games on snap chat offers?
Thanks

WP is primarily a place of self expression and personal development, somewhat like a journal. One should not write for the sole purpose of attracting a following or gaining popularity. One is sharing words, intellect, thoughts, feelings as opposed to images. Again, it is a personal choice as to what you choose to limit. WP should be used in moderation. One should just be aware of anything that may lead unhealthy habits✨

This article is an eye opener. I realize my children spend too much time on instagram. I’m going to be proactive and be a responsible parent. I’m deleting the apps today. They can have instagram when they are adults but while they are in my household they follow my rules. I’m also sharing this article with them. Thank you

good for you,, they will be angry but will get over it after awhile. When my kids were growing up it was video games, they didn’t have cell phones.. wish i had been a better parent and unplugged those gaming systems then. If I had maybe my kids life woul be different.. social media is destroying so many people.. it’s really scary

Well Said in a era where social media takeover is inevitable its up to us how we manage and draw the line in its usage. Thank you for the Powerful Reminder. Since I started blogging early this year I find more gratification from it than on a Facebook platform to be honest.

Having grown up in a world without social media and before colour TV and in a time where we used our imagination to come up with games and we made cubby houses outside or under the kitchen table if it was raining, and yes we rode our bikes to school … I see social media as huge damaging force to young children through to marriages plus so many more instances … I’ve watched parents spend more time looking at their screens then interacting with their young children. Those children then muck up to gain attention from said parents glued to their screen become angry at children because they were interrupted from their time on their screens. I have watched several marriages break up as one spends more time glued to the screen while the other tries to coax them away, left feeling helpless and second best to a bit of technology … Thank you Dr Perry for your excellent blog … If only everyone realised just how false the social media world really was … Online, people, including myself post good things that get lots of likes, or really bad things to get sympathy … we don’t post every day reality stuff like ‘I’m doing the washing and ironing today’, that would bore the hell out of our online friends or followers, we wouldn’t just wouldn’t do such a thing!

Since the beginning of time man has believed the grass was greener on the other side … I don’t need social media to assure you it is not.

Yes social media can get to be a bit much. I too have an IG but use it to post pics of happy special moments or beautiful sights. I do have a couple of selfies but it’s a rare thing because I’m not one to take selfies of me .I am often asked of relatives from a far for a photo so I do it for that.. but sadly what this world has become of our nose in our phone …computers way too much and that being said I am now getting off here and getting some sleep great subject ! Good night.

This article is extremely interesting and it makes me wonder and really think about my usage of social media every day. I am also speechless when I see profiles of people whose only way to get attention and validation is through posting pictures of themselves half-naked. But on the other hand, I am guilty of using it too much, I think these tools are incredibly smart because they let you believe that you need to participate and get as many likes as “those happy people there” and if you don’t have them, well then you are less valuable. I know because I felt the same some time. It is true though that this constant comparison to other people hurts people’s self-esteem, because you are constantly bombarded with pictures of people living the “quote unquote” perfect life while you still struggle to pay your rent and wonder what is wrong with you.

I have this fantasy that some weapon discharges and eliminates all mobile devices for an extended length of time. The youth of the world will have to seek out the aged, as the ones who knew how to communicate before cell phones took over. Writing a letter? Where do I find a pen let alone a postage stamp ?

I first joined Instagram 7 years ago. The app helped me become interested in photography but as the site grew in popularity and selfies and celebrities started taking popularity the site became just another popularity contest. I still mostly post nature photography but that’s what I like sharing.

Social media has made me feel like I don’t measure up at times Facebook and Instagram both. I know I can’t tell other people what to post. I can control what I post and how much time I spend viewing other people’s content.

Hi Dr Perry you said something I absolutely loved “validation from total strangers.” when I think of those words and read them it makes me want to vomit..I was a model for adult lingerie for over 10 years and in magazines and on the internet until 2010 and many of those photos I had to feel that I had approval from everyone who saw them of how beautiful I was in order to feel good about my self. It makes me angry that I once was this way . That I need the approval of a total stranger in order to fill good about myself. but I blame society for this mainly because every where you look there has got to be sexiness involved. It’s with film, music, magazines, advertisements it in everything we see and do everyday. It’s just everywhere. It’s no wonder kids are posting such pics of themselves. My daughter would take some beautiful face shots and get upset if they didn’t get as many likes as her friend got sometimes..its obvious that society is getting worse and worse each day, however if we allow are our kids to participate in such activities on social media then we are to blame for their depression and mental illness.. We as parents got to snap out of it and start being parents and not let our children have social media in their life like we do. However though we sit there on our phone surfing Facebook and Instagram,commenting on post from friends who we have never met while our kids sit beside us doing the same..We are robbing them of social time with family as well then. It’s then that will they go on social media to get noticed,,,,,,,,,,, SO SAD BUT TRUE..

You make such a great point!! I think parent’s have the responsibility to lead by example. Though not a parent myself, I see family and strangers handing their toddlers a tablet while they surf the web on their phone. On the other hand, about 5% of families I know put down the phone to have dinner as a family, spend the day in nature, and give their kids 100% of their attention. I bet you can guess which children are more well-adjusted, polite, sociable, etc. Social media (and technology) is becoming increasing problematic, and parents really do need to step in (even when it makes them the “bad guy”) to help their kids’ long-term health and well-being.

its really sad that parents don’t lead anymore. Instead the child leads the parent. My friend is a school teacher and she told me she can tell when her kids come in each morning which ones were allowed on social media that morning just by their attitudes. Parents are not being parents anymore so children go else where for attention… its just really sad the whole thing with technology as its being used for all the wrong reasons. Its destroying so many children and families when technology can be such a wonderful thing if used right.

I also have an Instagram account. Although it’s a personal account, I’m often using it to promote literature, to connect with readers and authors worldwide, so I enjoy it. Every now and then, I don’t mind the occasional selfie; however, I’ve come across way too many filtered selfies from particular friends and family members. I just find it annoying when it comes to the hype of the Snapchat selfies. Are these people really as confident as they claim? In my opinion, if they all were that confident, they wouldn’t need to go out of their way to receive that kind of feedback.
Thanks for sharing this article. 🙂

As an individual who Blogs, Instagrams, Twitters, runs a group & has 2 Facebook pages…It can become overwhelming.

However, I use some of my own pictures to give my poetry a more personal feel. I love using the effects to change the tints & such.

But I do agree that Selfies can be overdone. I can’t simply sit there taking pictures of myself all day…For what? I don’t like the camera that much. However, it never occurred to me that this could actually be a sickness. Wow!
Very interesting article. Thanks for sharing!

So true, great article. I am an active IG user , and i also use it mostly for travels and such , minus certains occasions.
Honestly i like it , even though last year i started using less FB for example and i immediatly so a difference so we should exercice restraint with social media.
In time i’ve noticed that i have friends and acquaitances that mostly post selfies or pictures of themselves.Without judging I often wonder why , because they are usually attractive people. Could it also be some of them try to imitate they favorite stars and idols whether they come from the cinema, fashion or music industry?

I have no problem sitting with myself in silence. I do that often, as I crave the silence and alone time, with my phone set to silent. I can go days without social media, but there are days where I’m on it often just because it’s what I want to do… it’s mostly to interact in groups I’m part of, no selfie stuff, haha.

Good morning Doc. I hope you are well. This goes back as far as mankind. The young man who puts on a bear skin rather than a goat skin to attract the attention of the young lady 3 caves down the hill. The display of various creatures trying to attract a mate. Once Hollywood and Madison Ave. came on the scene Malignant narcissism was born. I use IG for advertising my bead work. You can sell anything if you can convince people it makes them look or feel better. Remember your story of the naked emperor. Thank you for an enlightening article young man…….Johnny

Personally, I couldn’t agree more. It scares me in reality when I see young people so absorbed, so controlled by the “it” they will go to any length to be accepted either by peers or the “unknown” who might witness their antics. Even more troubling is the fact that most of these people care more about this type of validation than learning about life, past and present, and about coping in the world and workplace. The level of intelligence of our young people sadly has dropped. I can attest this when my grandchildren come home with stories about people they work with who can’t do simple math or figure out daily problems posed in life. They are stumped at what to do when faced with any situation. Their world revolves around their current friends and their ideals and notions and nothing beyond.

Great post! I deleted my IG and Twitter about 6 years ago, and Facebook this year. I never had Snapchat, Tinder, or any of the newer apps. After a pragmatic Pro/Con list and a few months-long “tests,” I realized I felt so much freer and more myself away from social media. Perhaps I lost some great connections and some (what I thought were) good friends, but the freedom, lack of worry, and new ease of focus have been so, so worth it. It’s been a blank slate and a fresh start.
A tip for anyone considering reducing social media use: start by “unfollowing” brands, celebrities, or people who are not actively adding to or improving you life; suddenly, social media will become extremely boring and it will be much easier to step back. Work wonders for me, at least. 😁

Great post! I must admit that I am a bit of a social media junkie. I’m on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, SnapChat, YouTube, WordPress…I’m not sure though that I’m on them to gain acceptance. I think I just like to meet new people. I will say though that there are a lot of fake people out there, which makes it a little scary at times. I have to be very careful with that. I’ve run into instances on Instagram where two different accounts will ask to follow me, but the picture shows the same person. It’s a bit on the creepy side. I started with Facebook over 10 years ago when my daughter wanted an account. The only way she was going to get one is if I got one and I was her first friend and I could keep tabs on her posts and friends. Then I got a bit hooked. Now I use it to keep in touch with family and friends. I do take selfies, but not more than 1 a day. I typically take 1 a week to update on my weight loss efforts. I will have to see if I can challenge myself with a week away from social media. I think I could as long as I could still text people. I would spend my times on school work and reading. I’ll have to give it a try after I do my 30 day blog challenge.

I am on instagram and I have seen this type of account. They are super disturbing. It’s selfie after selfie of the person with no special background. Just their face. Really odd. Keeping this in mind I am not posting any selfies as it doesn’t matter what I look like. I bet excessive selfies will be found to be mental disorder in the future. Thank you for another thought provoking blog.

Interesting article, I really hope that people are going to moderate their use of social media which are not so social after all. When I started blogging one of my challenges was to see if I would have an audience without promoting my blog on the most common social media such as instagram, facebook etc. I have never used any social media after facebook, and my personnal account on FB is for feeds I like (news, groups), I Don’t post personnal pictures or tell people my life. It’s possible to live without all of that, or to know how to manage them so that they become useful and not overwhelming. A good way I found to avoir constatnt intrusion of the virtual world is that I have disabled all the notifications, and I only connect my phone to the Internet when I decide and that is when I receive some notifications (emails, facebook). In that way, I am never disturbed during the day by a bip Calling me to peep at my phone. Like someone said when I spend time on the Internet or social media it’s because I choose to, not because I feel an urge.
What do you think, am I gonna be a successful blogger without the social media? 😉

In general, I found myself addicted to social media and found it warping my views. The notifications ruled me.

On IG, I felt I had to click and like people’s stuff and I needed to take selfies and get them to like my posts — and why did I care so much? I had started measuring my self-worth based on likes and then comparing myself to other’s selfies and how I thought their lives were so much better. They were always posting — sitting on a beach or in an exclusive event — what they hell was I doing with my time? Nothing apparently. I felt I needed to take more pics and post. I began to feel jealous of these fun photogenic people.

And then I had to pump the brakes on that because I knew some of these people fairly well and actually they weren’t really happier — they had problems that didn’t show up in those photos — whether financial, work, relationship, etc. And take away the filters and they had some of the same worry lines. On the surface, they looked happy posting constant pics of themselves in cool places doing fun things, but much of it was a facade. But regardless, why was I letting someone’s selfies impact me?

Now, I only look at IG occasionally and I haven’t posted a pic in months. I try to keep things in perspective.

I loved this post. I wish I could reblog it and post it all over places I work. I found it fascinating, engaging and a study that has long needed done. Those of us on the front lines are just as quickly lost in the trenches of social media and self image. Very good post!

Great post. Remember when facebook admitted that they purposely made it so that we would become addicted to using facebook? No one seemed to care. Honestly it’s nuts and I don’t see it getting any better. It’s like as a society we want to tune out and be lead.

Very helpful information as always Dr. Perry. One most certainly has to digg​ deep and ask the question “why am I engaged in social media”? I saw a video that also echoed many of the points you share. Quite enlightening info.🙂👍🏾

A great post from you, Dr. Perry! I’m so glad excessive selfie-ing is being talked about, because it has too many detrimental effects on the individual and the community around them. I’m not opposed to the concept of selfies – as it can be quite fun and entertaining at times – but when the motivation to take selfies is simply to parade them to an audience through social media, it makes me wonder if any of it is healthy at all. I’ve taken selfies with my family and friends, but they were taken in a moment of fun memory-making, and not for the sake of splashing across Facebook or Instagram to get validation from others. I guess the point I’m trying to make is this: we need to explore the drive behind taking selfies and the expectations of using social media to popularize one’s selfies. Because this is where the dysfunctionality lays. I wouldn’t be surprised if this evolves into a new-age disorder, as you have mentioned. A pity, indeed.

(I have to say though: I do enjoy my Instagram, because I use it to post pictures of scenes around me – nature, art, poems, etc – and it serves as a sort of handy memory bank!)

Great message. I love your statement “Like a tight knot that does not allow any light into its inner core, self-absorbed people are so consumed with themselves that they appear to lack insight about their actions and surroundings.” I just recently visited a place and that was the term I would use to describe the people – self-absorbed. I’m from a more rural setting and I guess we speak more, but every time I would say hello in passing in this city people would looked shocked and didn’t seem to know how to respond. Sad

I totally loved this post. It’s the need of the hour to tackle an issue which is highly sensitive but people are too ignorant to see that. Social media especially Instagram feeds so much of negativity into our minds. And I agree with you, women are the biggest victims. We need to love ourselves for who we are and we need to present ourselves as such before the world as well. It was an illuminating read✌

Enjoyed reading… I do get rid of my social media accounts when I start feeling like they are having an impact on my personal life and health.. It gives me peace as well…as at times these things have an impact on my happiness and i start feeling low just by looking at pictures and daily updates of my friends and family. 🌼

I love your challenge. We experienced a 10 day break from social media and actually all artificial communication in the aftermath of hurricane Wilma back in 2005. It was great: neighbors got to talk to each other again and forced us into introspection which felt like an oasis in the desert. I suggest practicing a withdrawal from social media once a month, almost like resetting the button and keeping track of the human touch.

It’s a really great post. Worth reading. The issue of selfie and social validation is increasing and with apps that help to make you look “thinner” or more “beautiful” just as harmful! I, myself have become any addict to Instagram even though knowing the consequences. The post is well put. Hats off.

My best friend posted a beautiful writing about her 20 year marriage. She attached a candid photo of her and her husband laughing on their wedding day… Everyone was commenting on her heartfelt words of admiration for her husband and how special their love is, and how they wished they could have that. I knew however, they were miserable and he had recently asked for divorce. It’s not just selfie takers that are seeking the recognition that your life is perfect. It’s sad.
P.S. They have pulled through and seem to be making it.

I love this article. I never take many selfies because I never liked the way I looked. I only take them now because I want to encourage my sister who is fighting Lyme Disease. I have learned to accept who I am so I am not as ashamed to take selfies of myself because I am embrace myself and my sexuality as a woman. Thanks for sharing this article. Have a great evening!

This sudden urge of selfies and painting a picture perfect “life” on online platforms is something which surprises me totally. I myself am in my 20s but most of the times I feel like I have a generation gap with my own generation.
Hope you don’t mind me sharing this on my blog. I want my students to read this article. 🙂

Thanks for this blog. I agree with “I suggest limited contact with social media or avoiding it completely’. It is time consuming and addictive. Rather than social media helping us strengthen relationships it probably as often does the opposite. How often I hear that friendships terminate after unsolicited advice or political posts.

My oldest son has recently gotten rid of all forms of social media. He says it skews his perception of real life. He read that the some of creators who worked on FB regret their involvement.
Most people only post the “best” things. It’s like a constant brag session. I hope for more honesty on social media. If we all posted real life wouldn’t it be healthier? Those tend to be the people I follow. Let our flaws fly! That’s what makes us unique. And really are they even flaws? No!

Thanks for your post here…….yes social media is changing our culture for sure. And a while back I realized that it was a time sucker. Especially FB! My future goal is to cancel my accounts. I do prefer to spend time in the blog world, where people share their hearts. But all this comes down to priorities and balance. Shouldn’t we live our lives, instead of living them electronically??

Great post! I was cursed (blessed?) with a complete lack of talent for taking selfies. Any and all attempts end up resulting in me dropping my phone on my face (very classy). On a more serious note, I had an instagram account (well, still have it, but more properly used it) for a couple weeks just to see what the attraction was, and after posting a few pictures, the fun just faded away. I believe it does have its attraction for some people, but for me, social media is just to communicate with friends and family who live away from me and prefer this form of communication.

The one-week challenge is a good idea, and, as someone who takes a week off social media every now and then, it’s a pretty good way to recharge and relax.

Great post. I actually love instagram, but I rarely post selfies or photos with me in them and I do not follow anyone who has a ‘look at me I love myself and my rock hard abs’ type of account. I love to take photos, and I post photos of my travels and what I am cooking/making, etc. I also post to instagram when I have a new blog post. Most of my followers are people I know/know of, or who follow my blog. I prefer instagram to facebook, as it is mostly photos and it is not bombarded by a lot of ads. Social media requires that recessive gene called common sense. Ciao, Cristina
Ps-Ok so I did post a photo of myself in Napoli last month……but I was in front of a Caravaggio. the other person admiring the painting said I looked mesmerized and had to take a photo. How could I not?

So much truth in this article. Life is all about a healthy balance , and social media – particularly Instagram- quickly becomes a unhealthy, unbalanced addiction in many people’s lives. Thank you for shedding light on such a crucial issue of our times , I truly believe that your words will help and inspire many

Another aspect of the social media phenomenon i’ve noticed repeatedly: People i know and like close-up, IRL, seem less likable to me via their accounts. My inner response to their online presence is, ‘If i didn’t already know them, i wouldn’t be interested in them.’ Usually it’s that they post too many pics of themselves — as if they don’t realize how this can come across.I suspect their perspective is that they are merely celebrating, and inviting others to celebrate along with them.
(I didn’t read all the replies above, so maybe this has been noted already.)

Agreed! I can’t stand the bragging. I have a friend and in real life, I enjoy her company. On Facebook, she drives me insane. She constantly brags about her vacations or her kids or herself. Then she’ll text me a question but then I’ll see the same question on fb. Makes me feel unimportant. So I deleted Facebook. Hopefully now it won’t be as bad.

This reminds me of a quote by Anne Sexton: “One can’t build little white picket fences to keep the nightmares out.” A well displayed exterior does not negate any “ugliness” inside. Looking at my old IG posts, I could probably use it as a reference to make a very accurate chronological chart of my mood states. In times of extreme depression I used to post more selfies, despite looking extremely tired and unhappy. (The kind of smile where one’s eyes look lifeless). On the other hand, in states of mania, my posts were mostly of nature or art projects etc. I believe it has a direct correlation to the type of response I wanted based on my mood: depression caused me to need validation, acceptance, and compliments; while mania made me want to share my happiness with others. In manic states I don’t tend to care what people think of me, because in my head I am Godly already. I believe a lot of chronic selfie takers are deeply unhappy.

I am going on 77 in November this year, so another member of the “old school.” For me, the joy was in getting and receiving real letters. The anticipation of going to the mailbox, and then finding a letter with my name on it was a genuine event to look forward to. It was an art to write a letter than someone else would treasure. With the language so abbreviated today, and the ability to instantly communicate words, nothing has the same depth of meaning now, and I honestly wonder how it has changed the emotional well-being of people. I always think of the book, 1984 by George Orwell, and in a lot of ways out world today seems like that. We have a lot more violence than I ever remember seeing in my lifetime, and I have often wondered how much of that is because of the change in the ways people have learned to communicate with one another, or the lack thereof.

This seems to be a very good column and one I will enjoy reading. Thank you kindly. Anne Copeland

This article is great and your comment too, because there are two problems here:
1. The outward self-display and communication and
2. The lack of communication with the immediate surrounding.

I once walked for 4 months from Germany to Bulgaria and when a Bulgarian teen did put me up for a night he had nothing better to do than to sit in front of facebook small-talking same old stuff instead of talking with me about the adventures I did encounter on my dangerous trip.

Me being 52 also had a non-technical youth and I now experience the ever growing loneliness of people who are left out of their attention.

Social media is a pacifier which drags people away from themselves and the lesson of the moment. This stands in total contradiction to “the power of now” by Eckart Tolle.

I was not aware that selfie deaths were such an issue. This is a deeply concerning issue. As a mother, I am concerned that social media has our society moving in a direction in which we are constantly looking for other people’s approval. Keeping social media to a minimum definitely results in a more positive self image.

Such a great, relatable post. Last month, I decided that I have had enough of the pressures of social media, the expectations and the obsessiveness of it all. I genuinely felt like I needed a cleanse to get my thought it order. I realised that I will sit and aimlessly scroll through various social media platforms for hours on end and all it results in is annoyance and irritation to me. So I realised that I was harming my own self! I stopped. This month I am doing a social media detox and it’s almost been a week now which I am documenting in my blog. I must say, I don’t miss it in a slightest and actually, I feel so much happier and content with myself that I am contemplating not ever going back.

This was a different angle regarding the use of social media that I haven’t thought about before, so thanks for broadening my horizons. I think that this might indicate a need for attention? Or perhaps people cant differenciate between social metrics and success at life? Reading this, I think about all the times I have linked my self worth to social media metrics, which is actually quite scary.

As a person who struggles with very bad anxiety I have deleted all social media a number of times. I like to post memories of me and friends/family and experiences more than anything. I do however feel uncomfortable when I scroll through images of others who are simply posting for likes. Sometimes I even find myself comparing myself to them. So all I did was unfollow most accounts and now it’s just close family and friends or inspiration that I follow which is alot better! I think social media platforms are a great way to connect with family and friends but you have to catch yourself in the times when it becomes more than that!

Yes!! I have done the detox from social media and taking the break from it doesn’t affect me at all… And I do have a schedule timing to log in and log out if the social media.. I don’t need any validation from the people out there. Great post!

I thought of this post today. I read an article about a couple who had a travel blog who fell off a cliff at Yosemite. I visited their instagram and saw this very same couple posing for photos in front of huge cliffs. Very frightening. What a horrible way to die. For a selfie 💔

This is a big problem in my country. Too many of today’s youth are wanting to show off and to live in social media. Many deaths have been because of selfies. I wish many would read this post. Thank you for your service.

Great read. I only use social media (facebook only) as an alternative to texting, to send the odd message to people I’ve met who lie in other countries & as a way to throw out the odd rant about politics.

As per all social media there is a very unhealthy aspect of comparison to others, the way people only ever post what seems like perfection. Too much social media makes people feel depressed, less than, lacking, needing to ‘keep up with the Jones’s’ on a scale NEVER BEFORE SEEN in history. I think sites like IG are fuelling an epidemic of eating disorders, depression and loneliness.

Social media I would argue is fueling unhealthy ideas about what is needed to be happy. It’s not being the best looking, the most likes, it’s about being able to be you.

That point above about having to present a false image of oneself. I would argue social media is teaching the OPPOSITE of what’s needed for self-acceptance. It’s corporate greed that’s to blame.

People have actually gotten themselves killed by putting themselves in dangerous situations to get the perfect selfie!?

I don’t know if you’ve seen the netflix series Black Mirror, the Episode Nosedive. It’s a dystopic society where everyone’s so obsessed with likes that whether you get hired or not for jobs is based on the amount of likes you get. Great watch though it’s a kind of warning about the direction our society is taking.

Really enjoyed reading this, I believe you’re right on so many levels. Thanks for sharing this

What a timely post. I just deleted and deactivated many of social media accounts for an undetermined amount of time. Honestly if prefer to never use any of them except linked in and WordPress. Otherwise I feel like when I have those apps, I start comparing myself, getting irritable, and hating everyone. I also find myself disliking people on Facebook that I have no problem with in real life. I think it’s because too much of anyone is too much. There’s a reason we don’t live together. Lol.

I also had a physical problem. I’ve been seeing a chiropractor and he said I must look down a lot because my shoulder wanted to move in that position. Ugh yes. Looking down at my cell phone has actually caused me neck problems! I also find myself mindlessly flipping through feeds when I’m bored. I noticed once I deleted those apps, I was struggling with what to do with my time. I decided to pull out art materials, finish up projects I didn’t get to, and catch up on other things I was always too distracted for. Also, I feel like it really shows who your friends are once you don’t have social media. The ones who really care won’t be thwarted by a lack of social sites to find you on. They’ll still talk to you.

I totally relate to so much of what you shared. I’ve been stepping up my writing on here and post to Facebook. I do it at night when our kids are asleep. I end up scrolling through the feed before or after, and it’s such a time suck! I’m with you about finding true connections, too. Most of my real life local friends don’t use Facebook too often, so I have no excuse. It’s nice to stay in touch with out of town friends, but I find it unusual that we all now stop calling each other and just “see” posts instead. That’s not true connection. I guess I’ll find out what happens when I log off for a time.

Love this post! At the beginning of this year I quit social media after questioning why I was on it. I had a personal account for my fitness journey. At first it was just for fun and a way to meet others who were into fitness but as time went on Id spend more time on I came to dislike posting but still did it. I also came to dislike the negativity others were posting and how many posts seemed fake and like a commercial. I agree that we should give ourselves limits to social media

Great post Dr. Perry! I recently decided that I am getting off of Instagram. It makes me miserable! I know people are just faking it in there but it still gets to me. I am so much happier in the real world. I appreciate your blog so much. It’s beautiful and I love that you don’t have a patreon or other thing asking for money. I keep seeing that on other blog posts and find it super distasteful.

Another great article. I agree with everything you state. Our society has become more fractured and disconnected since the popularity of social media surged. It’s as if we can’t see the damage we are doing to eachother. Thank you

Very interesting post. I became less and less interested in most social media – closed some accounts. I like having less ‘clutter’ in my mind from it, but I also started to wonder if maybe I’m just not ‘with it’ anymore. Not sure I care, either. Your post is reassuring and thought provoking. Thanks!

Wow who knew this was such a problem but I have to say I agree with you. My daughter takes a lot of selfies and posts them and I’ve said many time to her that to me selfies all the times say to me that you need some sort of attention and you cannot get that online socially. She rolls her eyes at me but I have a feeling I know it’s true. Love what you said here. Always wonderful wisdom and validation. 🦋💜

Thank you. Although I don’t personally post excessive selfies, I do use Facebook to “decompress” after a long day with my kiddos. I end up going down the rabbit hole, starting with scrolling and ending up online for hours. As a person in recovery from drugs and alcohol, I’ve had to take a hard look at my behavior. I’ve made promises and set boundaries I almost never keep. I’m grateful I’m not doing it for validation, but there are much healthier ways to relieve stress. Truth be told, social media actually brings more stress. I’m up for the one week challenge. But since I post my blog every day, I’ll probably wait to take my break first week in December. It’s really that hard to stay offline during the time I’m blogging. Yes, I have an issue worth exploring. 😉I appreciate the reminder.

Oh, I wanted to add that I’m 46, and when I take selfies, I take about a dozen and pare down to the best 2-3. The photographer in me loves to see what light works best and all, but the feeling like everyone is looking at all the perceived flaws is still present. I want to delete them because I think I look unattractive. I watch myself lately, and notice my level of acceptance also rising. I blogged a few months ago about no more makeup, shaving me head, and generally no longer caring what others think of me. I even posted a video testimonial for a friend of one. That’s progress for sure! I want to show my girls that they can look and be however they want and love themselves without so much approval.

“In a way, social media has weaponized our mobile phones to murder our self-esteem. I am concerned that we currently live in a society where people crave excessive validation from total strangers.”– I love this sentence.

I don’t post selfies of me but I still am very conscious to know how well (number of likes) I can get from my pictures and posts. Since, I have a theme of including my mission to inspire, I tend to be too much picky of the pictures I will upload.

I removed Facebook and Instagram apps off my cell phone and have left it just in my iPad that stays at home when I’m out. I either listen to music on my cell or read a book on it. I liked it better when cell phones were just that a phone not a mini hand held computer.

I don’t have any social media accounts anymore. It all seemed too pretentious and time consuming for my liking. Plus, I prefer to interact in the actual world and not on my phone. However, I do enjoy reading blogs here on WordPress; it allows me to discover gems such as yours. 😉💫

This is fantastic. I am currently dealing with social media gossip…people bashing me, but not willing to come speak with me. It has been an amazing journey, teaching myself to not look at comments. This brings it all together for me.

My brother decided to combat what he calls “Instagram Culture” by posting photos of real, every day life. His feed includes a messy living room, a close up of his computer keyboard, a lot of memes, and the occasional picture of his family members doing weird things.

I would be curious to see what the stats on based on gender, considering the women are taught to be male objects of desire. Often this “selfie culture” is female focused and women are criticized for it while being held to the double standard of being desirable through the male gaze…. I think this is a multifaceted issue (as most issues are). I do appreciate that you shift the focus to validation because this can be something none gender specific… something we all crave as humans.

There is irony in people who seek approval of others by coloring their hair when it begins to turn silver, also a false image of themselves in a sense. Not everyone who colors their hair does so for external validation though.

All great info. I do believe social media has done more damage to our culture than positively affect it.

So happy to hear teens are waking up, though, and attempting to turn this around. Along the same lines as selfie addiction, I’ve also found it unsettling (to say the least) that some are taking videos of heinous crimes…for their own glory and fame. To hear a child’s response to the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” as “Famous,” and not a healer or someone who could help others, underscores the sad shift in our culture and shallow values.

Nicely articulated. Indeed it’s the problem that is getting enrouted in the society without being noticed. We need to be self evaluator rather then depending on strangers and most important one should love oneself irrespective of how they look.

Great post. I am observing many of the behaviors you describe at restaurants. It seems it is more important to take pictures of your food. Selfies have become an addictive behavior in some people. I mean self love is a good thing but it can be taken to extremes. I watch as young people take risks crossing the street or simply walking with their phones and not paying attention to their surroundings. Once again thanks for the post. I am sharing it with the young people in my life.

Interesting topic. I temporarily deactivated my instagram account two weeks ago. I didn’t post much and was fed up with a small number of women pretending that they were too good to make direct contact with me. Like you said, the vast majority of of most women’s pics are HEAVILY filtered and mean absolutely NOTHING. They are regular people like everyone else. I can’t say that I won’t ever go back to instagram, but I don’t need any of their validation. I don’t really pay attention to guys on social media, but you would be surprised at how some women actually start to believe that they’re “too good” to have certain associations.

The internet and social media was supposed to connect people and it seems to do just the opposite. I’ve never had FB or IG. I do have Twitter but quickly got tired of all of the bullying and anger. I went looking for info on parenting an autistic child and hoped to find support, I didnt find it.
Blogging and the community of bloggers has been a fantastic support. I’m an introvert by nature and a hermit by disability and choice. Blogging gives me a community.
My avatar pic is the last selfie I took and that is a silly picture showing off pens I won in a contest. I put them on a tiara😁

My sentiments exactly, Dr. Perry. I see so many people posting pics and constantly watching and looking for “likes”, that when they don’t get them, they end of changing (filtering) themselves, so others will “like” them. It’s very sad and I know all too real their insecurity, because I used to have it myself. So glad to be at space in my life, where I finally have accepted me!

Thank you for sharing! I currently on a social media detox. It’s been two months, I have detached from all social media sites expect for Twitter for the sharing of my blog post, to protect my mental health and emotional well-being.

I remember my sister saying that, before she had deleted her Facebook account, she would have spent her day composing her next post. For a while I would make up posts (just in my mind’s eye) with no intention of actually posting anything. I think perhaps the same neuro chemicals are released perhaps when these fake posts are composed. I’m guessing this because with the fake posts I would find myself satisfied. There is so much material on the net, what are the chances of my crap even being seen

I like this article. I don’t spend much time on instagram, I scroll a bit, but like you , it’s short lived. I do however have a problem with Facebook, thinking I’m going to miss something happening with the 4 or five people I stalk. I’m sure it’s all correlated with self absorption. Anyway I better go, cause I’m feeling a strong pull to just lay everything out on the table!

I find your article very interesting! Now there are selfie apps with filters. But I also thought about make-up, wigs, fake eye-lashes,…etc. I heard a number of times that guy meets girls online but it is not the same person when they actually meet or they woke up with a different person without the make-up. I forgot which talk show on TV, a guy asked the host whether he can walk out if the woman doesn’t look anything like the photos online. The host did say, “Of course!”. It is funny but also a sad reality.

I’ve set limits to both Facebook and Instagram 30mins each app. On regular work day that more. I have also chosen to mute some people on Instagram or snooze Facebook because I felt their post were impacting my mental health. I’ve also found some Instagramers that have had a positive impact.

That was a great well-rounded post! As a person of past insecurities, selfies and quick validation are an addictive thing. But lately kids seem to be getting smarter and not dependent on that of of validation as your niece’s example which I find encouraging. Instagram used to be very novel and new, but since these addictions have come to the surface, there is a lot of awareness media to counter the possible danger of getting addicted to online validation.

I appreciate your insights into our total social media obsessions, which among other things, allows us to assume false personas…or slightly[or overtly] distorted senses of self.
I do get it-everyone wishes to feel special, important, acknowledged, and ‘revered’ even. But, it takes a lot of energy to maintain this ‘wall’, for it can construct a personally debilitating isolationism and often is self-limiting when we miss so many daily opportunities to fully embrace our truest selves-authentically.
Is it not much better to love ourselves and have others see and still accept ourselves as we are-flaws and all? It isn’t the perfection, but the flaws, our unique quirks, asymmetry, our ‘differences’ that make us real and interesting as people.
Really thought-provoking!

This is such an important post Dr. Perfy. I focus on growing my spirituality on social media by following like minded people to learn from. I do find it sad and a harsh world put there for our younger generation specifically. Having to deal with comparisons and a competitive drive for likes is a world I don’t understand. Oh yes, those creepy filters need to go too🙄

I think that you raise some very valid points and I do believe that people now look for more validation and the opinion of others and as you said this is in a lot of ways from complete strangers and yet we call them friends.
We use social media for many reasons but self validation is important and we can create any persona that we want to as well as creating a life that is better than our own reality.

Thanks for writing such an informative and interesting post. I completely agree about excessive selfies. It makes me very uncomfortable when I see people I know slip into this pattern on social media. However, Instagram has the option of private accounts. Not everyone is sharing with strangers. I have 3 accounts for different purposes; my work and blog accounts are public, but I reserve my private account for close friends and family. My favourite photos are unfiltered and simply offer a window into that person’s life. I love seeing how creative and expressive some people are with photography. Like most technology, it’s how- and crucially why- we use it that matters.

Glad to read this article this early morning and reflecting on this after wanting to earn heart emojis from my recent post in Facebook. I know it’s kinda shallow but that is what I needed. Heart emojis made me feel better but it’s entirely wrong to seek these validations from others. I now asked myself, why does it matter anyway? Posts are just going to last for a day or two and it will be forgotten by many… Thank you for this Dr. I think I need to check myself on what truly matters ❤️

Dr. Perry, thank you for posting this message. This has been a conversation topic for a number of years between some of my friends and me. I made a decision to deactivate my Facebook page for close to a year. I felt so much better being away… Though I reactivated my page I refuse to logon everyday. I’m currently staying off social media until I decide what to do with my business page on Facebook and Instagram. I’m not into selfies at all.