Wondering what Aunt Edith will say to embarrass you around the holiday table this year? Thinking that Tums and Tylenol won’t be enough to endure the extra helpings of “sarcasm served cold,” that’s dished out by your mother in law?😒

If you dread family holidays with your cooked-out clan, you’re not alone. The ChristianPost posted results from their recent survey: Twenty-four percent of individuals surveyed they dreaded seeing relatives and16% statedthat they did not look forward to attending holiday parties and events.🤷🏾‍♀️

According toan article in Entrepreneur.com, more than 60% of baby boomers, Gen Xers and millennials report feeling increasedstressat holiday time. This is at least partially owed to strained relationships and forced interactions with family during the most socially overbooked and financially burdensome time of year.

So why, when we think of celebrating another year coming to a close, and celebrating that with our relatives, does this incite panic attacks and neurosis rather than a peaceful, and benevolent feeling? And a better question, how to avoid conflict at Christmas? Below, some reasons and solutions to family stress during the holidays.

Clashes of Personality

Not everyone has the same ideas about things, and that’s no more apparent than when the entire family gets together. Whether it’s quibbling over how long to cook the turkey, arguing over who gets to host and who gets to make the trip… not agreeing on how much to spend on presents, or navigating conversational minefields… different family personality types can come into conflict at holiday time for sure. And please don’t add politics to the mix…especially during this time!

What to Do About It

The best way to deal with personality conflicts at family holiday gatherings is to put each person in charge of a specific task or job and then just let them handle it without interference. If socializing sends sparks flying around the holiday table, strategic seating works wonders. Finally, if a few different people really don’t know how to play nice at family get-togethers, you might consider hosting different events for different sets of family members. Believe me, it’s ok to break family traditions…your mental health will thank you!

Money Matters💰

Financial stress ranks high on the list of reasons why families argue during the holiday season. Different people may have very different thoughts about what is a reasonable amount to spend, whether it’s on gifts, parties, outings or something else. Grandma’s idea for having the entire family board a plane toDisney during winter break may not have been in your budget plan for the year.

What to Do About It

The key to avoiding family arguments over money is to initiate frank discussions and come to a compromise. The first step is to give enough lead time to allow each branch of the family tree enough time for budgeting and planning. A sit-down discussion or group email conversation may be of help if you need to hash out details. Questions like “How much do we all agree to spend on each child in the family” “Will adults are exchanging Christmas gifts, and what’s our budget for this?” can help put everyone in a cooperate frame of mind. Some fun workarounds to keeping the holidaygiftbudget low and minimizing Christmas shopping confusion include Secret Santa, Grab Bag, and the “Take Or Pass” Christmas Present Game. So wish we had of thought of this sooner in our family🤷🏾‍♀️

Family Members Who Drink Too Much 🍻🍷🍹

Family members who imbibe to excess take family holiday celebrations to a new and exciting level of dysfunction. The most obvious objection to this is the possibility of someone getting behind the wheel while intoxicated. Barring that, just being in the presence of a drunk person affects all members of a family. Mood swings, aggressive behavior, unpredictable antics, and of course the trickle-down effect of having to take responsibility for someone who won’t be responsible for themselves or their children if they’re a parent, can really do a number everyone involved. As a recovering alcoholic…this is a hard one for my family as most of my family don’t see themselves as alcoholics, so you can be damn sure things go down south really fast! Drives me nuts😫

What to Do About It

Tipsiness happens during the holidays. So if someone has a few too many glasses of wine, doesn’t plan to drive and isn’t impacting anyone else other than maybe laughing too loud, that’s forgivable. However, if you find yourself enabling an alcoholic or addict over the holidays or that things are getting ugly, it may be time for a family intervention. You might first approach the loved one closest to the problematic drunk in question, such as a spouse, parent or live-in partner. If that doesn’t seem to be working, you do have permission to not include alcoholics at family gatherings with the understanding that they will be welcomed back into the fold after they learn to control themselves and get a handle on their addiction. And if they don’t want to come over, let them celebrate elsewhere…it hurts but your mental health will thank you!

Holiday Depression is a thing and for those of us who suffer all year long, we need to be extra careful around toxic family members.

Don’t let the stress of your crazy family put a mental strain on you for the remainder of the year.

Hope these tips help, or pass them along to a family member who needs to read it…

Published by Olivia B. Shepherd

Welcome, My name is Olivia Shepherd, and I am the founder of this awesome blog about depression and mental illness. I started this blog in 2016 after being diagnosed with Major Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I didn't have anybody to talk too or share my feelings with, so I decided to share them publicly to help others.
I'm passionate and dedicated to bringing awareness about mental health, especially in the African American community.
I also want to empower your voice to speak up and fight the stigma surrounding this illness.
I’m also the founder of AshesToBeauty Mentoring & Outreach, a virtual online service dedicated to to the positive development and accelerated recovery of girls and women who have experienced abuse and depression, Ashes To Beauty strives to empower women to take their lives back by providing life skill education, one-on-one mentorship and impactful personal tools by which these impacted women can build the foundation for a successful future.
Look forward to having you read my blog,
𝓞𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓪 𝓑. 𝓢𝓱𝓮𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓭 💋
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