Madhuri Banerjee

Saturday, July 23, 2016

“He slid his
hand behind her head and brought his mouth down on hers in a hard, demanding
kiss that stirred up a raw hunger. A kaleidoscope of emotions ripped through
him but the prime one was need. It spread through him, not slowly, but like
wildfire burning everything in sight. Gripped by it, Sean powered her back
against the railing and trapped her there.” Suddenly Last Summer by Sarah
Morgan, a Mills n Boon romance novel.

It’s been over 100 years since Gerald Mills and Charles Boon teamed up
to publish books. Since then, they have been responsible for more than 30,000
fictional kisses.

Mills & Boon sells 130 million books each year in 109 countries and
26 languages. Someone buys a book every three seconds!

In India Harlequin, the publisher has published 26 titles in their
Indian collection with authors Milan Vohra and Aastha Atray being the first
authors to write a home grown Mills n Boons romance in English. Since then
there have been titles that have come out in regional languages as well.

The Hindi titles "Raaste Pyaar Ke" and
"Punar Milan" and Tamil titles "Bossin Kadhal" and
"Avargal Meendum Inainthaargal" are available with Marathi and Malayalam
editions as well.

It’s no wonder that almost every woman in the world has read at least
one Mills n Boons if not more. Hence our idea of a perfect man most often stems
from the heroes we’ve grown up reading. The list of qualities that he may need
to possess are tall, rich, good looking, sense of humour, roguish, talented,
sexy, intelligent, challenging who can sweep the woman off her feet and give
her a good time in life. Now that we’ve made the list, let’s find men who can
fit this role!

But alas, there’s no such thing as a perfect man or a real life Mills n
Boon hero.

While a man is dating, he is at his best and puts on the cloak of a
Mills n Boons hero to please his woman. He is dashing and articulate, funny and
intelligent, wild yet surprisingly reliable. As soon as the man has ensnared
the woman in a commitment, the cloak is kept in the back of a `routine’ closet
and the man goes back into the minutiae of his existence. Meanwhile the woman
is all swept up and has nowhere to go. She’s a tornado of expectation and
romantic energy that she had read and tasted with the man.

The man acknowledges that he’s not a Mills n Boon hero. He recognises
fact from fiction. But for a woman the realities are blurred. Her romantic
notions, her relationship ideas, her future plans have been derived from an
idea of a perfect romance she may have read eons ago that have stayed in her
memory.

The company Harlequin has also been
criticised for repeating plots, the inevitability of their happy endings, and a
simple writing style, whereas fans cite predictability as a key reason for
reading. While this may have boosted the sales of the books, it’s always a
repeat reading or watching of something that allows it to take shape in memory.
Kausar, Integrated Therapist at Sanctuary of Life mentions, “What we read or
watch repeatedly will also be accompanied by our repeated interpretation of
that message. Depending on our level of (un)awareness of the interpretation and
its consequences on us, it can have an impact on the choices we make.” When
this repeat reading of the perfect man takes shape, it is very hard for us to
shake it when we do start having relationships.

Gauhar, had always believed that her
relationship would be like a Mills n Boons romance. In the beginning her
husband had taken her for bike rides and chatted with her under the stars on a
trek. Once they got married, the bike was traded for a cozy family car and the
stars in the sky were exchanged for the stars on TV at night. “How has he
changed so much?” She would ponder.

Bangalore based leading psychologist Dr
Geetha Appachu has seen many cases of women with unreal expectations. She says that when a woman is stimulated by
the idea of romance she equates it to love and she will perceive her
relationships to have that same stimulation. Most of these women clients sit
and wonder why their life is not close to what they have read.

The women
are dissatisfied because they want their spouse or partner to pamper them the
way a Mills n Boon hero has pampered his heroine. Often the relationship for
the woman gets “boring.” Boredom then causes lack of enthusiasm in the home
front and interferes in other areas of her work and society life. If the man
and the relationship isn’t “exciting enough” for the woman she chooses to
either break the bond or find stimulation elsewhere.

While we
love our romances and Mills n Boon it’s important for all women to have
realistic expectations from their relationships. When we start getting bored we
must question whether it is in relation to something we’ve read, seen or heard
and are comparing our life to it. A deep understanding of why you need the
pampering, what more you can do in the relationship and what else can you do
with life may help women in understanding themselves and their relationships
better. But keep reading romance novels because they can uplift you, move you
and make you smile. Just don’t make them your reality.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Now that the Udta Punjab
hullabaloo has died down and everyone knows about the Punjab drug issue, let’s
talk about the rest of India where the drugs and alcohol problem is also
prevalent.

Recently I spoke to my niece Aiyana
in my old home town Lucknow. When I was living there it was quiet, conservative
and rather dull. None of us had access to drugs or alcohol and we spent our
days studying and gossiping. But all this has changed in 2016. As my niece
tells me that in a reputed college hostel in Lucknow, everyone has access to
marijuana and almost everyone consumes alcohol.

In her words, “Even if we don’t
want to drink there’s so much pressure to fit in that we succumb to it.
Otherwise we’ll be called losers.”

She also says that there are some
who “smoke up” the entire day but are brilliant at studies. Their parents don’t
care as long as they get the marks at the end of the year.

I just came back from an Under 25
Lit Fest in Bangalore. When I met the youngsters they were all brimming with
excitement and enthusiasm. The founders were 21 years old. The volunteers
ranged from 19 to 24. They were all bright, motivated and focussed. But when I
began speaking to one of them Tarun and began discussing the Udta Punjab issue
he said, “It’s not just in Punjab, it’s here in Bangalore too.”

When I probed a little further he
opened up to say that alcohol was at a reasonable price and weed was even
cheaper. Everyone had it.

“But why?” I asked in confusion
and a concerned forty year old aunty tone.

“To celebrate sometimes, to take
the pressure off most times, to get away from the depression largely…” Tarun
ruminated.

“What would you be depressed
about? You have an entire future ahead of you. You don’t have a stale marriage,
responsibilities of kids, EMIs of a house or wrinkles to worry about,” I said.

He laughed. “We have other
issues. Mainly relationship issues. Studies pressure. Lack of a future in this
country. Corruption. No money.”

When I told him to explain more
he said, “Mostly girls and guys cheat on each other and they become depressed.
Some get into a commitment too fast and then realise they don’t want it. So
they break up. By that time the other person has fallen for them and is heartbroken.
So alcohol becomes a way to get away from it and soon it becomes an addiction.”

“What about drugs?” I asked.

“Everyone has it, knows where to
get it and uses it. It’s mild though. Some of us don’t use it at all. And we
rarely drink. But there is pressure to be part of a group and we all hang out
and drink or smoke. It’s easy.”

That night I went to sleep pondering
about why these youngsters were unable to move on in their relationships. After
all there were so many apps that could help you move on! After a full eight
hours of sleep, I awoke the next morning and spoke to one of the volunteers and
asked if they got enough sleep as well. (Yes I realise I’ve become an aunty)
She replied that everyone was working till one in the morning. To which I said,
“Oh so you got six –seven hours of rest. Good good!”

She laughed and replied, “We
finished working at one but went drinking till four (am). We’ve got two hours
of sleep. But we’re all very eager.”

Later I looked for signs for who
went drinking and who slept and I couldn’t make out at all. All the volunteers
were on their toes, smiling and working through the day.

Then I figured that this
generation uses everything including alcohol as an escape. Apps that help you
get over a relationship by finding someone new to sleep with or alcohol that
takes away the pain of being alone. And they all feel alone. The fact is they
are a passionate lot of people. They are passionate about their relationships,
work, studies, commitments, ideas, etc. And when there are hurdles along the
way their passion dies as quickly as it was fuelled.

But why is this generation
needing escape at all? And why do they need the drugs to focus when they have
fertile minds that will allow them to do so anyway?

Aiyana in Lucknow says, “There is
so much competition that just having a fertile mind isn’t enough. Sometimes the
pressure is so high that the only way to release it is through marijuana or
alcohol. It settles the over worked mind.”

There is a huge generation gap
that is also occurring between youngsters who are between 18-26 and their
parents. The demands of the parents to secure high percentages to get into
college and then get employment, the ire of the parents when the child is
having a relationship, the distrust, the judgements, the lack of communication
is distancing the bond between the children and the parents. So these
youngsters turn towards their friends and social media. Social media only has strangers
and in a competitive world, the friends they rely on and the relationships they
have become either too dependent or too toxic.

“My girlfriend cheated on me with
my best friend,” revealed one youngster Shrey to me. “I lost not only the love
of my life but also the person who I could turn to.” Shrey fell into depression
and started drinking.

A young reader of mine came to me
and asked, “Maam you give relationship advice. I want to be open with my
parents and tell them about all my relationships but they only scold me and
continuously tell me to stop seeing people and focus on my studies. How do I
get through to them?”

In my own aunty way I replied,
“You must understand their core issue as well. They’re scared that they you
will lose focus and not do well. Once you assure them of that they will be fine
with your relationships.”

To which she responded, “I have.
I study a lot but I also need a personal life and I read books too. So what’s
the harm of having a boyfriend? I want to be honest with them but they’re not
getting me.”

Reports show that “During
1992-2012, the per capita consumption of alcohol in India has increased by
whopping 55%, the third highest increase in the world.” In a country where
there is an increasing generation gap between the 60% of the population - the
youth and the ones who can influence them – the older 40%, alcohol takes over
as a counsellor. Another worrying trend from India is that the average age of
initiation of alcohol use has reduced from 28 years during the 1980s to 17
years in 2007. In India alcohol abuse also amounts to huge annual losses due to
alcohol-related problems in work places. Nearly 25% of the road accidents are
under the influence of alcohol and it is also a significant risk factor for
increased domestic violence. (http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-others/alcohol-consumption-rising-fast-in-india-oecd-report/)

What is the solution to the
alcohol crisis in India? Banning it will only lead to spurious alcohol which
could be fatal for everyone. Lecturing about it could ostracise the people
involved. And making it more expensive could lead to more crime as youngsters
will find new ways of acquiring the money for it. Showing videos before films
will only make the youngsters laugh.

Even putting a disclaimer in Bollywood
movies when actors drink is not going to change the alarming statistic of the
youth who drink.

The solution just may be simple.

1. Parents need to be trained to communication better with their teenage
children, maybe through regular on campus workshops.

2. Counsellors who are
non-judgmental and not too old in age on every campus who help the youngsters
deal with their relationship issues.

3. Workshops on spirituality, healing and
meditation on a regular basis with the youngsters made compulsory.

4. More
sports facilities so the youth can be occupied with physical activities and
good coaches to help them.

5. Role models from different spheres of life who
can visit the campuses and speak about their own journey and influence them. 6.
Maybe even online apps that can advise the youngsters about relationships their
career opportunities and guide them.

Youngsters today need a guiding
light. They need to know that marks aren’t everything and they will succeed
even if they don’t get into a great college. They also need to know that it’s
alright to have different relationships and move on from there instead of
settling into depression because you were jilted or broke up.

A week ago I lost my cousin who
was forty years old to alcoholism. She had been admitted to NIMHANS for rehab,
she had also gone to a retreat to detox for a month a few years ago. Most days
she was lucid. But alcoholism was a monster in her life which she could not
control. It began in her college when she needed “just one drink.” Soon she
needed more. When her boyfriend left her, she turned to alcohol even though she
had supportive parents who spoke to her about the relationship and guided her
in many ways to do various things in life. But alcoholism was a demon that
refused to let go of its clutches. She died of multiple organ failure starting
with her liver. Her parents are still heartbroken and wonder where they went
wrong and what the purpose of her being in this world was!

The youth of India must
understand that the problem and the solution lies within. You must believe in
yourself. You must understand that even if there is corruption today, the
country needs you to quell it out and make it better. You must know that dying
young and living dangerously is not cool. No one will care or remember. The
only way you can make a difference is to be proud of not fitting into this alcoholic
culture. It may be the most difficult thing you’ll ever do but you’ll have a
life that will be worth it.

Monday, July 4, 2016

Pallavi.
50%. Wants to be a doctor. Refuses to do a B.A. 10 lakh donation needed to get
into a medical college. Parents want her to get married off!

Seher. 92%.
Wants to do Business Studies. Not got in to the first cut off list. Didn’t do
well in the interview round. 7 lakh donation needed to get into college of
choice. Middle class parents don’t know how to get that kind of money!

Akash. 85%.
Wants to study History. Arts cut off is 87% first list. The college of choice
is full. Parents need to find another college out of the city they’re living
in.

Syed. 73%.
Wants to do medicine. Can get through quota in certain colleges. Still needs to
pay a donation.

How much
does a pupil need to study in India to get into the college of his choice
without paying any money?

College Admissions is every parent and student’s nightmare!
The second list for most colleges is out on Wednesday 29th June. For
most students their fates are sealed. Some are still hopeful for a third list
and some are already getting lectures from their parents for not doing well
enough.

The cut off percentage list for admission as per Times of
India 28th June 28, 2016 was 82% for Arts and 87% for Science in
only one college. The rest of the cut offs were higher than 90%. How much do
students need to study to get into a college? Is out system so flawed that a teenager’s life is
defined by studies? It is a number, a percentage and an admission that can make
a parent happy. And even if he or she gets that number they might not even get
admission because the education racket is corrupted with donations sky
rocketing every year.

When I was
giving my 12th board exams, I studied every day only to receive
approximately 75%. And thankfully I got into the college of my choice without
giving any donations. But then again I didn’t want to do business studies or
medicine and was happy with English Honours.

Today’s
teenager is struggling with studies, pressure and distractions. To be extremely
focussed and get marks above 85-90% when the competition and syllabus is so
tough is an achievement. And as parents, a society and system we should be
praising them for their hard work and effort.
Except that we berate them for not doing well enough. They still need to
get into a college.

So if a
teenager gets low marks they have two options. 1) To give the 12th
board exams again and hope for a higher percentage that will allow them to
pursue what they like. 2) Pay the donation and acquire your seat.

But most
parents are scared that even after coughing up lakhs, will their child stick to
the subject and find employment later?

The system
is letting the students down. Many of them have got high percentages and don’t
have the money for donations. They believed that by studying and doing your best,
you can follow your dreams. But they are not able to get into the courses they
want even in the second cut off list.

Somewhere all students are learning to
make a compromise, either with their education choice or their college. So most
of them are becoming jaded and uninterested even before they begin the next
phase of their lives.

If donations
are the only way to go then most rich students give up even before they take
the exams. They know they’ll get in any way. And colleges are reflecting a
pattern of rich average students and extremely intelligent middle class ones.

The pressure
builds up from class 8 itself. Most boards complete the 8th and 9th
standard syllabus in one year while still doing a sports and annual day. This
puts tremendous pressure on a young hormone filled 13-14 year old teenager who
begins to rebel against the education system and parents who put pressure for
marks. By 9th grade schools are teaching the 10th board
syllabus and if the student has not picked up the 8th and 9th
grade syllabus he would be lagging behind. And in 10th grade the
schools revise the entire syllabus that will be coming for the board exams.

Why is the
education system relying so heavily on marks? Arts students need to get 95% to
get into prestigious colleges. And science streams are looking at a full 100%.
Coaching institutes are thriving.

And childhood has died.

Parents
don’t encourage sports or music anymore unless the child is brilliant at it and
can get in to college through that quota. And every parent is working, saving
and struggling to keep their child happy if the donation is needed. As
a parent, we lose touch with reality because of the competition. We stop seeing
our children for who they are – intelligent, bright, talented individuals who
can be defined by more than just a number.

Unfortunately
when the system only depends on marks, all a student can do is work hard and
pray for good luck. And maybe accept that whatever happens will be for the best
and that their destiny will lead them to the correct path where there will be a
pot of gold.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

A few days ago my two best friends came over and
instead of chatting like we generally do, they started colouring in an adult
colouring book. The next day I gave two sheets to my 7 year old daughter and
her friend and they became obsessed as well. What is it about colouring that is
so fascinating and addictive?

Humans have understood the power of art since time
immemorial. Ancient history has been depicted through paintings on the walls.
Culture and traditions have been shown through art and sculptures through the
years. But art has always remained elusive to the common man.

Over the years painting, colouring and art was seen
as something only really talented people could do as a profession or children
would do to while away time. In this hectic world where achieving something is
necessary, art for adults took a back seat to learning and earning.

In recent times art has suddenly become invaluable
again with artists coming into prominence and art being sold for millions all
over the world. And a seed was planted of could we ordinary people become a
part of this great art world? But who had the time and energy to paint, or make
art? And even if we did, where could we start? Not all of us have great
imagination. And a blank piece of paper is daunting and overwhelming.

So when in 2015 Johanna Basford, Scottish
illustrator and “ink evangelist” released The Secret Garden, and Enchanted
Forest, colouring books with intricate patterns of birds, foliage and a
treasure hunt, suddenly people realised that maybe they could be a part of this
art as well.

It sold 1.4 million copies and replaced a fiction
novel as the number one best seller. Since then many more colouring books
emerged and flew off the book shelves as well. Sonal Gandhi Head of Merchandising and
Buying for Crossword book stores says, “Sales of these colouring books is
catching on in India as well, though a bit late for our market as any such trend
takes a while to catch on in our market. Publishers were not prepared for this
wild fire tend/ sales. We are seeing weekly growth of 20-25%. It is here to
stay.”

Suddenly colouring has become a fad. Colouring in to
these intricate patterns not only resulted in a beautiful art form that one
could hang on walls and be proud of, but what emerged was that people wanted to
do it regularly and consistently because of how they felt while colouring.

Milu Chitrakar Gupta, photographer and housewife has
been addicted to the Mandala colouring book, reaching out for it whenever she
gets the time. “I find it calming and it takes my mind away from the stress of
dealing with maids, cooking, and general life.”

Prerna Fogat, working woman and single mother said
she didn’t have time for colouring but when she sat down with a colouring sheet
she couldn’t stop. “It’s completely addictive.”

So why are hordes of people joining colouring groups and
buying dozens of books?

Vivek Tejuja, Manager Content for Flipkart says, “I think it is because it eases people. It doesn't
demand much like a novel would have. I think it helps relax people.”

Sonal Gandhi of Crossword Bookstores says, “The factors that are
driving the sales of Adult Colouring Books are Fun, Nostalgia, Relaxation and
Creativity. It’s a new way to relax one’s mind in their crazy schedules.
People are always scouting for new things to do and are rather bored of usual
suspects like movies and shopping. Or smart phones or tabs etc.”

Joel Pearson senior lecturer at UNSW in the school of
psychology, USA says, “When
colouring-in you look at the colours and spaces occupying those parts of your
brain that might normally be involved in anxiety”.

“There seems to be a greater
drop in self-reported anxiety for colouring-in mandalas and patterns compared
to just drawing colour on a blank page,” he asserts.

But the American Psychological Association have no claims
that colouring helps in being mindful, meditative or spiritual.

Supriya Nair, Clinical Psychologist and Founder of
AscendPsychology says, “There is no evidence of catharsis, closure or
restructure from this colouring art therapy. Art therapy is not going to help
in long term effects of the person.”

She believes that even going
out to meet a friend, shopping or a spa for the time it is done can be calming
and fun. Art therapy needs to be guided by a therapist. The colouring books are
not lab tested. There is no validation for the claim that it is in any way
spiritual or meditative.

Therapy is defined as
something done by a professional to a person who is suffering to give them
better understanding, find closure, offer structure or relieve the core issues
that are affecting their daily life. Supriya believes that colouring cannot do
that. It actually might hinder the process or delay it. “You can be calmer
sitting next to a river as well,” She claims.

“If someone is colouring and
thinks they’ve resolved their issues, it might actually delay them from seeking
help and might worsen cases of depression, anxiety, relationship issues, etc.
Colouring cannot help change the neuro pathways of abrasive personalities and
aggressive behaviour.”

However, people have shown
developing virtues such as patience, attentiveness to detail, and receptivity
to truth after they colour for long periods. But is it because of the colouring
or the fact that they’ve made up their mind this is what the result should be
and hence believe so when they’re done?

Vivek Tejuja says “I honestly believe that
colouring books will not stay for long. It is a fad which might last for
another year or so.” Ultimately every fad wears off and people will return to
novels or find a new wave they would like to talk about and be a part of.

For now, colouring in these
books might be the common’s man’s cheap therapy and it is important to bring
mindfulness and spirituality into everyone’s life. If the colouring makes you
believe that’s how you will achieve it, then by all means please pick up those
colouring pencils. However if there are deep issues which unsettle you even
after you’ve finished colouring, see a professional about your problems without
delay. Colouring is a reasonable way of diverting your mind for some time but
the mind is powerful enough to bring you back to your problems that will need
to be dealt with at the core level. And that needs long term solutions.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

1.Why You Don’t
Need To Please Everyone - We’ve grown up hearing “Be nice to people.” We’ve
been taught to keep our tongues in check and be polite to elders. This has led many
women to be apologetic for their thoughts and a nature to please everyone, be
it friends, family or co-workers. We can’t say NO. And we never disagree,
thinking people won’t like us anymore. So what if they don’t like us? We don’t
need to be rude but we can say what we feel like and sometimes it’s important
to do things for ourselves. Realise what you want to do with your time and life
and stop pleasing everyone at the cost of it.

2.When to Walk
Away From Men Who Are Not into You - Some men want you, then they don’t,
then they want you again. OMG. The constant back and forth of mind games that
you’ll play with men and analyse every little thing they say and how you feel
will leave you exhausted. We women over think relationships. Just because we
see “potential” in a man doesn’t mean we give away our months, years and life
to a relationship that isn’t giving us what we want. Walk away when you feel
you’ve given enough to the relationship or give it a deadline. Believe me,
there are plenty of good men in this world who will cherish you.

3.That You
Need to Speak to Your Family Often - You think your parents, grandparents
and siblings may live forever but they won’t. The conflicts and
misunderstandings you have with them should be finally put to rest. Understand
that there are generation gaps, communication gaps, and cultural gaps that
every family has. Every one you love may not understand you. But you can make
an effort to love and understand them. When you start accepting them for who
they are, they’ll start doing the same too. This is an ongoing process you need
to do on a regular basis instead of thinking you tried once and it didn’t work.
Make more effort.

4.Have Your
Own Bank Account and Save 1/3rd – Most women will get a job and
start spending all their money or give it to their parents to handle. Start
having a grip about your own finances. Open an account and start putting money
in there. Speak to a chartered accountant or banker who can advise you about
savings and mutual funds for the long run. You might think you’ll earn enough
and can save later but with a volatile market and risky employment in today’s
times, you can find yourself out of a job at any time. That’s when you’ll need
savings. If you’re getting married, always remember to open your own account.
Set the precedent from the beginning or even if you’ve been married for some
time, open an account for yourself. Even if your husband asks “what is the need”
and you want to keep peace and please him, still open one. You’ll thank
yourself later.

5.Travel is
Important – Book your tickets and dates well in advance so you can save
money and travel solo or with your partner or family wherever you can. Travel
is an important part of getting out of your comfort zone and experiencing new
cultures, food, and life. It brings perspective and makes you realise who you
are. You don’t always have to travel internationally. There are magnificent
places in India that are cheaper that you must have on your bucket list.

6.It’s
Better to Be Safe than Sorry with Fashion – If you’re not comfortable
wearing something, don’t push your body into doing so because it’s in fashion
or from peer pressure. You’ll stand out for being yourself. Instead of having
malfunctioning wardrobes and shoe bites, you’ll have the time to think about
what you want from life, instead of what people think about you! One of the
richest men in the world Mark Zuckerberg only wears grey shirts and jeans
because he believes that he can’t waste his grey cells on deciding what to wear
since he has other important things to think about!

7.Building
Yourself – Make a CV. What all have you done with your life? What more do
you want to do? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? What are you doing today
to achieve that? Even if you just want to get married and have children, do
enough to tell those stories later! Learn something new. Take up a course.
Teach children. Help the elderly. Manage an event. Take up an adventure sport.
Read a book a week. Pick up the Time magazine and read about international
affairs. Friends will come and go in your life but what you do and who you
become lies solely in the time you invest in yourself now.

8.What Your
Body, Skin & SoulNeeds–
Always use sunblock before you leave the house and remove your make up after a
party no matter how tired you are. Maintain proper hygiene at all times. Get
proper gynaecologist check-ups done once a year. Your body is going through a
hormonal change and you need to understand and get treated regularly before it
becomes a major problem! Get a massage done once in a while to pamper yourself.
Spend time alone. Reflect. Introspect. Meditate. The balance you achieve now
will help you deal with many issues later.

9.How to
Eat Right & Work It Out – Have a proper breakfast. Every day! Watch
what you’re eating through the day. Don’t starve yourself. And don’t over eat
because you’re ravenous. Choose your food and drinks wisely. It shows on your
skin and your body. No amount of makeup can hide it. Even if you have a great
metabolism and can burn everything, your internal organs will start
deteriorating with too much fat and alcohol. Drink enough water. Work out
regularly. Take the stairs if possible. Walk in the mornings for half an hour
if not more every day. Do yoga, Zumba, pilates, boxing, anything that keeps you
active. It’s not just to have a great body which you will, it will make your
mind stronger too.

10.Owning
Your Sex Life – You don’t need to sleep with a man on the first date or
even the third. You don’t need to have sex because you’re lonely or depressed
or drunk. You don’t need to get back with your ex because he’s comfortable. You
don’t need to get on dating apps because you feel “re-virginised.” By 30 you
need to own your body and sex life. You can choose to say no or yes to a man as
long as it empowers you.

Monday, May 30, 2016

“Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the callers. Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.
Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
Don’t major in minor things.
Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Helen Keller, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politely and quickly. Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Don’t waste time grieving over past mistakes Learn from them and move on. Every person needs to have their moment in the sun, when they raise their arms in victory, knowing that on this day, at his hour, they were at their very best. Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed, ‘Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office’. Give people a second chance, but not a third. Judge your success by the degree that you’re enjoying peace, health and love. Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly. Leave everything a little better than you found it. Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life and death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems. Never cut what can be untied. Never overestimate your power to change others. Never underestimate your power to change yourself. Remember that overnight success usually takes about fifteen years. Remember that winners do what losers don’t want to do. Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in harbor is safe, but in time its bottom will rot out. Spend less time worrying who’s right, more time deciding what’s right. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life. Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get. The importance of winning is not what we get from it, but what we become because of it. When facing a difficult task, act as though it’s impossible to fail.”

Sunday, May 22, 2016

“I got a thousand likes for my DP!”
Squealed my 25 year old friend. She showed me a picture of her with a tiger who
was yawning.

I almost fell off my chair, “Wasn’t that
dangerous?”

She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Nah.
He was an old tiger. They said nothing could happen.”

I was still appalled. Something could have
happened to her. A tiger is still ferocious and it only takes a moment for it
to react and harm a person. Why was it was so important to her to take that
picture and put it up on a social media site?

Recently an MLA visited a drought stricken
area and took a selfie. The picture was widely criticised but the MLA wanted to
get noticed, recognised and tell her seniors that she was actually there. In
her moment of self-obsession, she didn’t recognise the gravity of the
situation. She is not alone. There are many people who would say, “What’s the
harm? It’s just a photo!”

But the need for the perfect selfie and
the desire to be liked and appreciated can go to dangerous lengths.

According to areport in the Washington Post, the most number of selfie deaths in the world occurred in
India. Of at least 27 “selfie related” deaths around the world last year, about
half occurred in India.

In recent news, two youths were run over
by a train while taking selfies on the railway tracks at Purushottampur railway
crossing in Chunar area in Mirzapur district in UP state of India.

In February
2016 a college student drowned after falling off of theWaldevi
DaminNashik, India, while taking a selfie. In March 2015 seven Indian
youths drowned while taking selfies onMangrul LakenearKuhi, about 20 km fromNagpur, India. Their boat had tipped over as they were standing up
to pose. (Wikipedia)

Our lives are now recorded in selfies. Who
we met, what we did, where we are, how we look needs to be documented and
appreciated.

What is this need for fame that everyone
is seeking?

There are more people who will go online
to Facebook to like a new DP than look for a blog to read. In a world which is
becoming more visual, the perfect photograph has gained importance. But it’s
not just a pretty picture. It’s you in it. It’s how shocking, dangerous,
thrilling and exciting it can be and how you look in that moment. It’s the
moment of envy of others. Can you make someone else jealous? If you can, that
moment is the perfect picture and hence the most amount of likes on Facebook,
Instagram, Twitter, and every social media that you put it up on. If you can
even “trend” because of it, or have people comment, share and discuss it,
you’re a hit. And if you aren’t noticed, you’re nobody.

In this entire scenario no one really
cares if it’s hazardous to your life or if it’s actually ethical!

Our lives are now documented online. Even
if we take photos for ourselves, we have a desire to showcase it. To prove we
did it. We can’t just go somewhere and enjoy the place, live in the moment or
soak in the wonder. Why?

It’s our need to be famous.

Famous people make more money, live better
lives, and have all the luxuries in the world. To be famous one need not be
moral. One needs to always be in the public eye.

Recently during a TV actress’ funeral,
there was much fainting, drama and sound bytes given to the media of how close
they were to her. The media played out their stories with their photos and
instantly these actors got noticed. In an industry where you need to be spotted,
remembered, praised, you don’t think of the right or decent thing to do. It’s
about fame after all. And fame that you can ride on someone else without
actually paying for your stories, images, and photos to appear in the papers .

According to a renowned Mumbai psychologist Gitali Banerji of MindfulSpring.com and Inner Space Therapy says,
“We have become a generation, an era of people who are so self-obsessed that we
don’t look at the harm it can cause us later. There will come a time when not
as many people will like your picture, or really care about what you do, where
you are or how you look. If you’ve built your life on that appreciation, it
will become difficult to adjust to normal living. That’s when you get
depressed, paranoid, and obsessive.”

In a market that is making better cameras
and people taking more photos of themselves and trying desperately to get
famous, are we just losing focus?

Hollywood actor Jim Carrey put it
succinctly when he said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do
everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.”

The
only way we can find that answer is if we ask different questions. And none of
them have to do with being liked or getting fame.

The
year is 2000. It’s the final round of Miss World. The emcee calls a young girl
from India, and asks her, "Who do
you think is the most successful woman living today and why?"Since all the Miss Indias’ are
prepared with one answer –dead or alive, a nervous Priyanka Chopra answers, "There are a lot of people I admire, but one of
the most admirable people is Mother Teresa, who has been so compassionate,
considerate and kind." And she goes on to win the title. Lady Luck
has been shining on her ever since.

Today,
she is the most popular heroine not only in India but spreading all across the
world. As she became the first South Asian to win the People’s Choice Awards
earlier in USA this year she claimed, “I feel like Miss World again.” And this
time she has all her answers well prepared. From being on the Jimmy Fallon show
for her American TV debut Quantico to commenting on Trump and the Miss Universe
fiasco, PC has a voice and people want to hear it.

Priyanka
has come a long way in the last sixteen years. Her life has been coated with
controversies of affairs with leading actors to plastic surgeries that she
hides well to surrogate babies. Other Bollywood actresses never took a liking
to Priyanka, an outsider in an industry that was ruled by camps and contacts.

Priyanka
however was always a focussed woman who knew fame and fortune only lay in front
of the camera. Coming from an army background Priyanka shone in her first year
in Bollywood in the film Andaaz that won her a Filmfare Award for Best Female
Debut in 2003. Instead of sticking to the traditional roles and typecasting
herself PC went on to do a gutsy, negative role in Aitraaz that won her a
Filmfare for Best Performance in a Negative Role.

While
the industry was still gossiping about how she was so unconventional looking
and breaking rules Priyanka’s life was a roller coaster of covers of magazines and
winning hearts. Bollywood wives became insecure when she was working with their
husbands on a film, often coming to the set to strengthen their presence in the
hero’s life.

One
director says, “PC is the perfect actress. She becomes who you want her to be.
She can be desi eating rajma chawal and chatting in a Bihari accent with an extremely
`Indian’ kind of director and she can have an American accent on how she loves
Central Park when she’s talking to a director who loves shooting in New York.”

But
Priyanka has been unfazed by gossip around her. Even when she was linked to
Bollywood’s top married hero as his second wife, she continued to work hard and
prove she was more than a WAG. (Wife and Girlfriend) She stretched her talents
to spread into as many fields as possible. Unlike other actresses who stuck to
simply acting, Priyanka was a host on Indian television in Khatron ka Khiladi
and she made an international music video called In My City and Exotic. Quickly
learning that her music and hosting career was not going to get her too far,
she came back to choose films that would boost her acting ability further.
Fashion, Barfi, Mary Kom, Dil Dhadakne Do, Bajirao Mastani, Priyanka has always
selected films with great scripts, intelligent directors and meaty roles that
would be promoted well.

She understood how the marketing system works. It’s not
just about the craft or the talent if no one sees it. Promotions were important
and PC hired enthusiastic PR representatives to push her image and quotes
wherever possible so people would see and hear from her continuously. She hash
tagged herself into the hearts of people and several ad agencies who would
start remembering only her when it came to endorsements – Bollywood, fashion,
music, etc.

PC
became the girl everyone wanted to work with and her filmography expanded to
over 50 films and over 25 awards.

In
2015 Priyanka started working on Quantico, an American TV show. Rumours
surrounded even this. Her rise in the last one year has been phenomenal. From
being recognised on a global TV platform to presenting at the Oscars, winning a
People’s Choice Award, being on the cover of Time magazine, having dinner with
the President of the United States Barack Obama to winning the Padma Shri,
Priyanka has left the controversies, and love stories behind. Her active PR
agency makes sure that she is continuously in the news in India while still
filming for Quantico and Baywatch abroad as she knows that out of sight is out
of mind for most viewers.

Priyanka
balances all her work with extreme poise and grace. While most actors are
afraid of social media, she is the first actress to have crossed the 11 million
follower mark on Twitter (currently at 13.9 mil) and 3 million followers on
Instagram. This makes her imminently likeable and relatable to the ordinary
person who feels they can connect with her at any time.

She paves the way for
showing how to respond to trolls and having a thick skin which makes her even
more popular on social media. Recently, talking
about Donald Trump’s call to ban Muslim immigrants in US, Priyanka Chopra had
said, “I just think you can’t put a ban on anyone. Generalizing a type of
people is really primitive.” This did not go down well with one of her
followers, Adesh Gundecha, who Tweeted to her: “Priyanka, politics is not your
arena yet. Better just be actress for now. WAIT!!” And Priyanka has been
winning the Internet with her reply: “You’re right @adesh_1 why should an
actress stand for humanity... It’s not our place right?” (http://www.deccanchronicle.com/entertainment/bollywood/300416/taking-on-the-trolls.html)

While
there might be rumours about how she has used the popular black magician of
Bollywood who seems to be helping many a star and producer, Priyanka has proved
that her hard work and dedication to her craft and talent has made her globally
admired and respected. “She is unstoppable,” says one of her directors.

But
her every moment from the time she was crowned Miss World has been used to
better her life. She now has a quote for everyone – magazines, newspapers,
press, movie premiers, talk shows, red carpets. She’s left her contemporaries
far behind and is ready to compete on the global scale. As she rightfully said
she’s on her way to “world domination.”