My Daughter’s Death: PEACE, LOVE, even JOY REMAIN

While in the process of my daughter living her life with Great Joy and an even Greater Reverence, she was killed in a plane she was piloting with her Soulmate Flight Instructor sitting beside her, and her Soulmate Father sitting behind her. In the exact same moment, they died together on impact. PEACE, LOVE & even JOY REMAIN.

Jess and her flight instructor Joe, used to kid each other about one thing: “Not Crashing”. He’d say: “Jess, How about we go up, do some emergency landings and a few touch and go’s today” and then in unison they would both add “And Not Crash”. I can still hear their shared delight and mutual laughter at having the exact same thought train, saying the exact same words, in the exact same moment, “And Not Crash” after each flight related maneuver she planned to master that day. Oh how they loved people, loved living and most of all loved flying. PEACE, LOVE & even JOY REMAIN.

I’m the fortunate one, I got to speak with them all by cell phone minutes prior to their fatal crash. I got to hear their voices, their Joy and who they were with themselves and each other. I told them all that I loved them, even Joe her flight instructor which would seem odd, yet I was so grateful to him and it was so there to be said. Knowing what I know now, that I would be the last person on earth they would speak to, I am grateful I said what I meant & meant what I said. I was grateful for what Joe & her father Lloyd were doing for Jess, I loved them for it, I thanked them for it and I thanked Jess for doing what she was doing for herself and for living her life exactly as it called her. PEACE, LOVE & even JOY REMAIN.

I can hear Jess still, so Peaceful, so Powerful, so Full of Joy, so Full Of Life, so Very Ready To Go. She loved flight & everything that came with it, this time death came with it. PEACE, LOVE & even JOY REMAIN.

I get to live with the fact that I supported my daughter in living her life her way with all her rights and freedoms so honorably in place. I also get to live with the fact that half my family that I created were killed in this flight that I fully supported. Many would recommend this new thing called “closure”, No Thank You, Not for me. I love being human, open to life as it comes, open to life as it was, open to life as it is. I am a better “human being” by being this open, this present, this alive no matter what I’m faced with. PEACE, LOVE & even JOY REMAIN.

Do you want to know who told me my daughter was dead, Jess did. WHILE ON THE PHONE with my sister-in-law, who had news that a plane went down yet she didn’t know if it was Jess’s Plane or not. WHILE ON THE PHONE I kept asking my sister-in-law, “Is it Jess, Is Jess dead, Do you know, You can tell me”, all the while she truly didn’t know, and in that moment I turned to my daughter Jess out of what would seem to be thin air and asked, “Jess, Are you dead” and she said “Yes”. Then I knew. When I heard Jess say “Yes”, An Undeniable Peace moved in & remains with me to this day, 14 Years later. PEACE, LOVE & even JOY REMAIN.

And during all three memorial services and funerals, Jess would fill my heart and make me smile by something she’d say, a look she’d give, a smile she shined through and I kept saying, “I know you’re here Jess, no one will understand” and no one did. I was filled with an Undeniable Love, Peace & even Joy. I glowed and withstood the misunderstanding of all who witnessed me being Peace~filled, in Love, in Joy while laying to rest the body My Seven Year Old Daughter had so beautifully worn. PEACE, LOVE & even JOY REMAIN.

Some may think I must have loved my daughter less for letting myself be so god damn happy during the most tragic of all tragedy’s “The Death of Your Child”. If they only knew how much I loved her MORE that makes my Peace, Love & even Joy possible and leaves me so very vibrant still. My daughter Jess made it very clear to me then and continues to make it very clear to me now what she wants me to know, she lives, she loves, she’s happy and most of all “she’s here”. PEACE, LOVE & even JOY REMAIN.

To Those of You you don’t or won’t or can’t comprehend how PEACE, LOVE & even JOY could possibly REMAIN, My heart goes out to you. May you never have to find out.

I Love you Jess, Love Mom

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You express this so well, Lisa. I have a difficult time explaining to people how I feel when someone close dies. (My only sister, in particular.) They’re not gone, for me. I feel them, hear their words, experience their love, like an unbroken thread that runs through my life, enriches it, informs my actions. It’s not something supernatural — I think that everyone has the ability to feel it, it’s there for everyone, but we distract ourselves with our own stories of what we SHOULD be feeling, and miss this truth — that the Peace, Love and even Joy remain. Much Love to you for expressing what Jess taught you and sharing it with the rest of us.

Dear Lisa, I am inspired by Jess. You know this! Fourteen years later she lives, a constant angel in our lives. After the time that’s past she is still a miracle. She flies today as brave and free as she’d flown in life. Its very inspiring! It is something super natural. For life and joy Christ commanded that the children be free, saying not to hinder them. Jessica lived as she died with wings, brave and free. So brave & free she lives today; a soul to inspire us to live and die with wings too.

Lisa – what a tragically beautiful story. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through but I have to say that I’m honored to know you. Your spirit is beautiful and I only wish you the best in all of your future endeavors. Thanks for sharing and for being a light in the world.