This blog is dedicated to my family, relatives and friends who have been supporting and motivating me tirelessly to face this terrible ordeal. The same goes to all of you out there whose lives have been touched by this horrible disease called oral cancer in one way or another. I have been able to pull through because of your kind thoughts and constant prayers.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My vacation is almost over. Good days are almost over. I'll be going back to work in January 2010, on the 19th to be exact. I could go for medical board if I want to, in fact, thats what has been suggested by my doc considering the fact that I have a slurring speech and teaching is what I do.

Can I teach? Not likely. Can I work? Definitely. I'm good and efficient with my hands, fingers, legs and most importantly my brain, my mind, my thinking faculty. I can understand things perfectly and I'm just as alert as anybody else. So, it has been suggested by the officer in the District Education Department that I'll be sent back to my school as a non-teaching teacher....hahaha sounds good, eh? I can just see myself parked in front of a laptop doing teaching modules, surfing the internet, translation work, updating my blog, and so on.... pretty much what I'm doing now, and getting paid for that!! Well, the truth is, I still cannot imagine what sort of things I'll be doing. It all depends on my boss. It's going to be anything related to but other than teaching...I can't wait!!

It has now been almost two years I've survived being tongueless. It sounds terrible, but actually, life has been tolerable to me. I am leading an almost normal life except for the eating and speaking parts. It is hard at times. It can be troublesome at certain times. But, like they say no matter how difficult anything is, once you get used to it, once it becomes normal for you, it doesn't become a burden anymore. Nowadays, I don't have any craving for any food anymore. People eating my favourite food in front of me doesn't bother me anymore. I'm cool. Sometimes, when I speak, I even forget that I slur until they ask me to repeat to which I gladly do...and I'd repeat much, much more slowly without having that uneasy feeling anymore..

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Another head and neck cancer warrior, Ananth Shenoy went to meet his maker on November 20th in his sleep after battling a fierce battle for almost 10 years. He was one of my cyber friends whom I befriended after I myself was hit by this unforgiving cancer. His passing saddens me to the core. He was constantly motivating, inspiring and had never lost for words when it comes to uplifting the spirits of fellow cancer survivors. I am one of those lucky people who had the opportunity to get to know him and whose lives he touched. When I underwent my second surgery in August last year, he wrote to the Mouth Cancer Foundation Forum informing everybody and asking everybody to pray for my recovery and when I did recover, he wrote to me and said that it was the best news he had ever got. How could you not like such a person even though you've never met? How could you not feel anything when such a person is gone? The world seems quiet without him.

We chatted through yahoo messenger several times. I talked to him about the shortcomings I face socially for being tongueless, about how people just look at you in a certain way once you start saying something and sometimes they just look the other way just because they have a hard time understanding you. Its as though trying to understand you is so hard and laborious and is such a waste of their precious time. We talked about having to resort to the PEG tube for food and how embarrassing it could be having to do it in public. And he never failed to make me feel good about myself again. He said that if others refuse to pause and try to understand what I have to say, then, its their loss because I have a lot of great ideas to share and I can understand perfectly what they have to share. In other words, I can enrich myself from them, but they can't.

He would use him own experience in the cancer journey to point out how fortunate I am compared to him, He said that he's willing to trade places with me anytime..

The last time I chatted with him he complained that he was in a lot of pain and was taking doses of morphine to numb the pain, And now, he's gone...and all that pain is over...

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ESSENCE OF BHAGVAD GITA

Whatever has happened, has happened for good.Whatever is happening, is happening for good.Whatever is going to happen, it will be for good.What have you lost for which you cry?What did you bring with you, which you have lost?What did you produce, which has destroyed?You did not bring anything when you were born.Whatever you have, you have received from Him.Whatever you will give, you will give to Him.You came empty handed and you will go the same way.