I ask you these questions because these experiences will show up in the bedroom.​For years I completely numbed myself from feeling pleasure. The first few years of my life were the scariest years of my life. My mother, who I love and forgive, was married to an abusive alcoholic. There was constant fighting and intense physical abuse in our home. These are the years that we discover our sense of self. What I discovered in these moments forever changed my life.

​I am now 40 and some of these emotions still arise. If the first man in our life was a man that completely terrified us then it is really hard to allow ourselves to be vulnerable with any man. We can be kind of vulnerable but we never will fully allow our guard to be released until we allow ourselves to trust again.

​Here are 3 steps we can take to break down the guarded gate and start receiving the pleasure we deserve.

ALLOW YOURSELF EMOTIONAL SPACE TO EXPRESS EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. We get taught that certain emotions are good and accepted and then there are certain emotions that are absolutely horrific and should not be expressed...ever. We get to give ourselves room to feel all the spectrum of emotions and trust that every emotion is completely safe and has a purpose. Anger, sadness, shame, guilt, hatred, just to name a few, all deserve to be felt. Happiness, excitement, courage, faith and love, just to name a few, all deserve to be felt as well. When we don't allow certain emotions to be part of our experience we block out the good feeling emotion that counters it. When we do this , we become numb. Decide today to express your emotions and feelings. Write them down on paper, share them with your spouse, find an emotional energy healer , or just talk to yourself. When we allow ourselves to let our guard down and start loving every part of who we are then we can show up in an authentic place.

FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF. Take some time and fall back in love with who you are as a person. It is so easy to become focused on the things we do not like about ourselves. What we think about we bring about, so think positive and beautiful thoughts about yourself. I am not saying that you have to be cocky. I am saying that you must learn to love yourself. When we work on loving our physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and sexual self we become more enlightened and in touch with who we truly are in this beautiful world. When we work on loving every part of ourselves then we can show up powerfully in the bedroom and receive amazing pleasure as our focus will be on all the things we love and cherish. Take time every morning to speak powerful statements to your soul. Look yourself in the eyes and start building yourself up.

THINK POSITIVE WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR SEXUAL SELF. We are all sexual beings. We long to be able to express our sexual wants and desires. We all crave sexual pleasure and sexual satisfaction. Allow yourself to start thinking about sex in a positive and beautiful way. It is easy to fall into the trap of what sex is and what sex is not. Just google Sex after marriage and look what you find. The search is filled with negative statements and negative articles. We have been conditioned to believe that sex after marriage diminishes and is never as good as it once was. I completely disagree. Sex after marriage is absolutely amazing and can be completely mind blowing. Sex can be full of love, passion, energy and flavor. This can be achieved. It starts with monitoring our thoughts about sex. We must be thinking happy and positive thoughts. We require a sex positive outlook when it comes to the bedroom. Start today to create some fun affirmations and allow yourself to start thinking and fantasizing about the amazing sex life you are creating.

​​Sex in marriage is what you make of it. You can choose to shut down and close shop or you can choose to feel through the pain and get to the pleasure. We must feel all our emotions so we can experience the pleasure that is our birthright. Start your journey today.​​Reach out to me as I love working with people on their healing journey.

What if the trauma is a result of your spouse? I recently realized my intimacy issues stem from our wedding night...our first time. It was horrible and traumatic. I was scared and not ready for that next step. My husband forced it anyway. It hurt. I was sobbing. I imagine that's probably how it feels to be raped. I was raped on my wedding night. How do I get over this? It has plagued our sex life for 23 years and I didn't even realize it until yesterday. How do I forgive him for doing this to me? More than half of our intimate experiences involve me having a conversation with myself. One side of me doesn't want him to touch me and I cringe as I let him. The other says it's ok because he's your husband and he loves you. Please help...

First off, I wanted to thank you for being so open and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. I can only imagine the intense pain you have carried around for so many years. It is truly amazing that you are facing this and leaning into the emotional pain. Anytime we are forced to have sex when we are not ready to, no matter how long we have been with a man, or if we just barely said I do, is considered forced. This would absolutely create so much pain. Anytime there is sexual trauma of any sort this emotion is always felt during sex until we fully feel the emotion of it and experience the release of carrying around this baggage. I am so very sorry that you experienced this. This can be healed. Maybe you will forgive your husband and maybe you won't but you get to heal for your own sake and your own womanhood. If you are open to it I would love to schedule a time to connect via phone. This would be just a beautiful discussion between two beautiful soul sisters. Let me know!

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My name is Cameo .I have been married for 16 years and with my husband for 17.5 years. I know that the sexual connection in a marriage can create strength and happiness and I also know the lack of a sexual connection can leave you feeling empty and dissatisfied. Lets get real open and become sexually satisfied in our marriages!