14 May 2011

Saturday wagering

I've just now been handed a dossier by my head statistician Badger Johanus who has been working with my chief of entertainment, a Hamster called Marvin and also my political analyst, one of those sort of mini Dobermans called Barny, in order to predict the winner of the Eurovision song contest.

It makes for some interesting reading. Essentially they debunk the voting bloc theory on basis of political affiliations. If this were so they conclude, the same small group of countries would finish in the top places every year.

A new voting system involving juries will apparently render all previous data prior to 2008 useless..fortunately Marvin has connections with the Estonian mafia who work with the Russian betting syndicates to manufacture the results.

This year, to cut a long story short, Denmark will win apparently because they have a reciprocal agreement with the Russians and some of the old soviet countries to export cheap bacon in return for a job lot of those cool furry hats the Russians wear.

With Denmark currently trading at 28.0 on the Betfairs, the advice is to get on quickly before it's too late.

There was a second dossier in my In-tray this morning. My football specialist, a polar bear from Greenland who goes by the code name Zero-Minus, and who is actually from the future, sent me a small MPEG of the FA cup final itself!

I had no idea it was today. Since when do they play the FA Cup final before the end of the season? Anyways, the video showed Stoke's goal, a typical Stoke goal from a long throw in followed by a scramble in the box and poked in for the only goal of the game.

With a Danish/Stoke double making me rich beyond my wildest dreams I will finally be free from the burdens of the common man and I plan to take full advantage of this by doing something sordid and taking out a Super-Injunction so only people who use Twitter or have access to the internet will know about it. I tell you this now as I obviously won't be able to blog about it after the fact.