Christmas gifts when divorced.

Divorce went through few months ago. Took 18 months. Last Christmas was still in family home so ex came round at 6am to watch DC open gifts. This year am in own house and DC do not feel comfortable with him here (nor do I).

So I have suggested we do separate gifts, so Father Christmas will leave at both houses (I have friends who do this and it works well), DC all happy with this. So will have gifts here first thing. And he can then pick DC up mid morning and return them late afternoon on Boxing Day. We are also spending Christmas Eve all together.

Apparently I'm being very unreasonable to do this. He wants to come to my home and them to have joint gifts as always. And for him then to have them for the two days. So basically disregarding their wishes for the day. And meaning I have no time alone with them.

I am divorced (and married again to a wonderful lady but that is not the point here)I would never want to go into my ex wife's home. It is her home not mine, I have no right at all to go into it.She invited me in once to visit our DD who was unwell and staying with her mum (DD is 33) Apart from that one time I have never been in her house, I hand over our grandson on the doorstep and he is happy with that. I have my life and I want my ex W to have her life.OP you ARBU to refuse to let your EX H in on Christmas Day, or any other day.

Get the kids to do letters to Santa (Christmas Lists) and ask what he wants to buy off there. I have always successfully done alternate Christmases from Christmas Eve evening until Boxing day evening ( or even the day after by agreement depending on whether we are visiting family), then whoever doesn't have Christmas has New Year.

We also did two lots of presents except when Ds wanted an XBox one birthday so we went halves and it stayed at resident parents home.

No you are not being unreasonable. Just be firm, no at X time you are collecting the children and returning them at X. You will not be invited into our home to open presents. You will do this at your own home.

Just tell him no chance. I would be saying alternate each year so this year you have them Christmas Day and do your own presents and have your day then he picks them up Boxing Day morning and has his Christmas Day with then then. Next year you swap. That's what me and ds dad have done every year. He has no right to be in your home especially when you don't want him there. He's just trying to throw his weight around and control a situation he no longer has any say in so don't let him get his way. You left him for a reason. You don't have to do anything he wants or makes you feel uncomfortable.

and im guessing his suggestion that he only agrees if I provide him with a list of gifts I am purchasing with the costs is ,as I think, unreasonable?

While I'm happy to say I'm getting X, do you want to get Y, I don't see it as fair that I have to itemise things. He won't let things he buys them come here anyhow so I can't see the issue with the odd duplicate.

I had always surmised that separated parents do a bit of colluding over Xmas presents, as the kid won't benefit from eg two copies of the same book / DVD even if it matches their interests. But this sounds like an attempt to control you. And as he won't let the kids bring their presents home, its irrelevant what he does, so just do what you would if he were getting nothing.