A Mother's Journey After Loss

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A few months ago, an on screen legend, Bill Phipps, donated $125,000 to the HayesTough foundation. As you can imagine, I have had overwhelming feelings of gratitude toward this man I never met and a feeling of needing to carry on his incredible legacy. So Steve and I came up with a plan. Kind of a huge, massive plan. To give a grant check to a family affected by childhood cancer somewhere/anywhere in the world! It will be called the HayesTough Prince Charming Grant in honor of the fact that Bill was the voice of the iconic Prince Charming in Disney’s Cinderella. The plan is for the entire Tate Party of 8 to present a grant check in person to the family in need and then we will all celebrate and everything will be right in the world!

Traveling with toddlers can be anxiety ridden, but when Hayes was sick, we promised ourselves that we would never miss an opportunity to make memories. Spending time with one another is all that matters because those are the things we carry with us long after we are apart. So, regardless of the time change, and regardless of napless days, we headed to the Big Island of Hawaii as the Tate Party of 8. Read More

I go through days where I don’t cry. Not only do I not cry, but I don’t feel. I get a lot done on these days but I feel completely uninspired by it. I have said it before but I am a master of compartmentalizing my emotions. If I have work I need to do, I can completely shut off my heart. While I appreciate the fact that I have this talent, I feel guilty about it also. Read More

While we were vacationing in Hawaii last week, we received heartbreaking news about our sweet neighbor. She lost her son to suicide. While we were vacationing and playing on the beach, a friend was unexpectedly losing her son. It broke my heart for her and for her son that he had hit the point of extreme darkness and felt like he had no way out.

We have been here in Hawaii for 6 beautiful days. Our family vacation is slowly coming to an end. Last night, Steve and I took the kids down to the beach to let them late night snorkel with manta rays. Steve took them out and I sat on the beach and watched them swim away in the darkness toward the spotlights along the rocky cliffs. I was the only person on the beach. The moon was so bright and I could see so many stars. It was beautiful and so peaceful. My toes scooped into the sand, the waves crashed against the sand and I studied the dark sky. My mind of course drifted straight to my baby boy….my missing piece…my heart. Hayes. Read More

The preparation and lead up to our Hawaii vacation was filled with so much anxiety. Six hours, trapped on a plane, a two hour layover, with 5 kids, 2 of which are 3 years old and professionals at tantruming….this is every parents anxiety-ridden worst nightmare. So, I began preparing a little over a month ago. I was going into this flight with all the bells and whistles. It was Steve and I verses the 3 year olds.

Before I go into the items I added to their “airplane backpacks”, I have to say, in order to keep you reading, I might be borderline genius because it ended up being 6 hours of peaceful toddler entertainment. Total and complete success! In the airplane battle of parents verses toddlers, Steve and I dominated!

I bought them their backpacks to start out with. I chose bright and memorable backpacks so that if I lost them in the airport during the layover, they would be easily recognizable and memorable. And also, they are so cute that both of them were obsessed with wearing them.

I have been doing so much thinking lately about the many tragic childhood losses I have witnessed as a result of brain tumors. After seeing my dear friends lose their 3 year old son Crosby to an undetected brain tumor, I felt incredibly defeated. Almost like all of a sudden I was putting up my hands in defeat….waving the white flag to cancer. I was talking to my mom on the phone and in confounded tears I admitted that I don’t know if it is possible to “stop” or “cure” or “early detect” brain tumors.

I am keeping this post short and sweet today, but I got asked yesterday as I so often do, “How do you stay strong?” I deeply thought it over and wondered. How do I stay strong? I feel like I could shut myself out from the world and everyone would understand. But, I have this inexplicable feeling of love and support from Hayes. He wants me to push through the tears and pain. He wants me to keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing and keep growing. Read More

I recently ran into an old friend at a restaurant. She was celebrating her birthday with her friends and I gave her a celebratory hug. She simply replied that she was just relieved that she was still in her 20’s. It got me thinking…how do I feel about being in my 30’s? How do I feel about aging? How do I feel that my friend basically dreads being my age? Legitimately my stress with aging is disappearing by the hour. Read More

When you become pregnant with triplets, you become part of a select club. There are Facebook groups that “meet” to discuss advice and offer support to the scared new mother of 3 at once. It is so incredibly helpful and I truly found so much great advice from these Mother’s that had walked the path and made it through what I was fearfully facing. They were a huge resource for me.