I've done these for a few years now, and I noticed that I get more and more boring as time goes by. Oy. Anyhoo, I share this year past by sharing the first post of each month of 2015. These are not the most interesting posts, just the first. So much stuff went on this year. Maybe I'll talk about it at some point. it was a challenging year, for sure. I pushed myself way outside my comfortable limits. I'm mostly glad about it, pretty proud of myself in that respect. We had loss this year, and we had good things happen--the balance that makes up life, right? Love you guys. Ya'll are in my thoughts and my prayers for a good year. ♥

March: I'm so stalled out on my BB that it's painful! I have ideas--tons of ideas. I just can't get any of them to work. I like them all. Problem is I can't write. *sad* I poke and pick and add a word here or there...I swear, they're *really* good ideas, but some of them have been floating around on the magic brick since forever. You know, those ideas you have that you take out every once in a while, dust off and fiddle with every so often. Still, good ideas. Fun ideas.

I just have to convince myself that I'm writing it just for me, not a possible audience. Also, I've been reading my old stuff in hope of being inspired to write and that backfired spectacularly. All I could see was the horrible mistakes I made and oy, some really bloated writing wrapped around, yes, some really damn good ideas, lol!

As long as we're talking here, can I tell you my other problems? I'm really afraid to stretch myself. Back in the day, I'd happily write about shit I had no idea about, just handwave it all away. Now, I worry so much about screwing a subject up, or writing it poorly that I stall myself out. What the hell. I did manage to get myself to update one old fic, and I've got quite a bit of the second half but…it's like I'm afraid to start writing.

Firesign10 has been trying to help me but my brain is not hearing it. And thanks to other folks who have tried to get me going. I really need a story nanny. ;)

I'm posting this even though it's just one long whine but I'm hoping by doing this I'll open myself up a bit, get my motor running again.

Thanks for letting me blab, you guys.

me, so very sad.

April: I can't tell you how much I'm still loving that Show is back on Wednesday- -I might make this post every Show day until May. :)

I'm glancing over what has gone before and I think on the whole, I'm pretty satisfied with this season. I think they've had interesting things to say about Dean this year, and Dean is maybe slow-motion growing up, and I think that's not because of but despite the MOC.

I have my wishes and hopes but doubt that they'll ever be realized. You know, that one big wish of mine that Sam be the one to save Dean, that he do it in a way that no one can hand-wave away, and that he does it intentionally and heroically. I want him to reach into the motherfucking fire and pull Dean out, and I want Dean to fall on his knees and thank Sam from the bottom of his heart, with all the gratitude, and I want him to look at Sam with fucking *AWE* in his eyes.

What time is it? Sammy time.

Okay, I might feel some kinda way about this.

Good watching tonight, folks! Hugs to everybody! :)

May: I owe this picture to rosy5000, who eons ago sent me a pair of lovely shirts and I said I'd send her a pic so, finally here it is!

Also, this is for the folks I'll be meeting up with this September so I don't come as such a shock! For those of you who think of me as a tall, willowy, Gina Torres look-alike, well. I hate to disappoint you. I also don't look like a pale angel in bondage or a flaming heart, or a smirking wolf. I do look like a chubby little Black woman of a certain *koff* age. Also, maybe a whole lot a tiny bit like a café-au-lait hued Nanny Ogg.

This is one of the 2,500 pics I forced Mr. R to take before deciding this particular pic didn't make me look as much as a crazed muppet axe murderer as usual. Oh, and you're welcome for the geriatric décolletage.

June: *inhales deeply*

Aaah, SoulessSam...how I loved you. You were beautiful and snarky and scary and you made me smile, lots. A little worrying fact about myself but hey!

Thanks TNT, for making my morning better. :D

I've read some amazing stories in the last few days, folks. I'll fill you in on those later. My heart!!

July: Would everyone be really pissed at me if that slave fic I dropped here ended up being happier in the long run? I'm just not sure I can end it so hopelessly if I work on it and it seems like it might be a little longer than I first imagined *koff*

August: I picked this one first because I had so much fun reading this, you might want to read it too! It's a J2, Jared-centric, unrelated boys. Pining, longing, Chad. There are a few little blips here and there but I never found them strong enough to throw me out of the story. It's very, very long--I love that--but it reads pretty quickly because you just *have* to know what's coming next!

September: Home again! Exhausted, happy to be back in my spot. We're all so wrung out, but it's back to work tomorrow. I feel sorry for my co-workers.

Thank you all again for all your kind thoughts and your support.

October: I'll put this under a cut for those of you who would rather not go over this again.

I've been reading some of your posts concerning the dreamweaver mess, and I just couldn't let it go. I usually just read about stuff like this and shake my head—keep my distance even though I have nothing but sympathy for the folks caught up. Today, I feel like I have to drop my two cents here.

So, some of you are so upset for being taken in, and you shouldn't feel bad about yourselves, not at all.

We tend to be caring people here. We want to help others, we want to comfort if we see someone suffering. It's the way we're wired. But folks come along who want that, you know, the attention. They need to be noticed, so they'll play on that nature. I know this because I've been there. I was taken in. You tend to surf along on this wave of mass concern, it draws you in and before you know it, you're comforting this person, sending PM and snail mail and just being so fucking worried…until you notice how their problems seem to mount. They just keep on growing, getting worse and worse...

Sure, there's a little voice in the back of your head saying, "hunh?" But so many folks vouch for them, worry so hard, and you think, "Eh, I must be off, these people who are pretty wise seem to think it's legit."

Concerning the incident that took me in, basically I'm cynical as all hell so I backed off of the whole increasingly-tangled mess a bit—but nice people don't tend to do that. So see? The only thing you're guilty of is being nice.

Is there a way you can tell if someone is a lying douche bag? Not really. You just have to wait until their little house of cards collapses under the weight of their growing bullshit. You can pull away and eyeball everyone with a 'sure you're right', or just pay a LOT of attention to what a person claims. No one wants to put anyone on the spot by grilling them, but before you put yourself out there hard, like personal info or dough, ask mean questions. It's hard, but harder still to be caught up in someone's web.

Again, *please* don't feel bad!! Every fandom has these people. Ask us old Smallville folks—there was like a cycle in which these folks popped up and mined the fandom for sympathy. There's nothing you can do except be on the look out and protect your heart. And come to folks who get it—they'll have shoulder for you.

November:

Guess what my secret hobby is? And no, it's not blocking alien mind probes! I've been obsessedaddictedsucking up this shit like crack mildly interested in the possibility of J2ism since the summer.

I can't help it, nothing makes me happier than swimming through the 'why J2 is truly J2' waters. It really does makes me happy. And it makes me laugh—like, really, *really* hard. But not in a mean way, you understand. It's fun, like collecting figurines or learning how to line dance. It's a back and forth kind of tango, you know. "Ach, you're crazy, cha-cha-cha, but then again, look at that *face* he's making at him, cha-cha-cha."

There's this sneaking little Judy Tenuta voice in the back if my head saying:

Except, of course, that the Padaleckis are the worlds most adorable couple. Look at their faces when they're together. They don't just love each, they like each other too, they touch a lot, they laugh a lot...so happy together they look a little like that other couple…*koffJaredJensenkoff*

And then we have Jensen and his bride Daneel, who has the most magnificent boobies ever. In picture after picture, you can tell that...yes, they know each other.

Maybe.

Mizz Rose, I hear you sigh, you've been known to be a crazee azz bitch on occasion, but this takes the cake, And I would say, yes, and it is a big old cake, with unicorns sprinkles.

Sparkly unicorn sprinkles.

My friends, Yer Mother has picked apart the evidence, examined photos with all the dedication and obsession of treasure seeker, and well…it all boils down to this.

I haven't seen a damn thing that corroborates my—what do I call it? Obsession? Delusion? Flight of Fantasy? Flaming Idiocy?

Because this look—

is hardly more intense than this look.

This look? Is not real. But I like it anyway.

I pack up my tinhat and throw open the curtains. It's a bright sunny day, clear of delusions. I can go on with my life, stop wasting all my waking moments thinking of fictional love affairs and get back to the business of writing them.

But then, I find this....

*refolds tin fedora*

So. Done.

Finito.

There you have it, folks. Can I pour anyone a nice, cold refreshing glass of WTF? Would you like a little sprig of mint to go with? ;D

December:

Everything about tonight's ep was a surprise to me--including the fact show was on tonight, oy! So, happy surprise. :) Also, Dylan, surprise! God, that kid is amazing! He had about a second of screen time, and he was young Dean all over the screen.

Young Sammy was adequate. I'd hoped to really love him because physically, I thought he was a pretty good match—around the eyes—but no one can beat young Colin. He had a Sammy-ness that this boy couldn't quite project. But, maybe that was because he wasn't playing against Dean. He was sweet, though, and that whole scene with Sully broke my heart so hard. Man, that hurt. Sam, you were always kind of a dick, hanh? How you manage to also be the world's biggest woobie is a mystery. An asshole, and yet, possessing such a big heart. *shakes head* Ah, what the hell—those *are* my fav kinds of peoples.

Sully was just—he made me go AWWWWWWWWW about a dozen times. Man, between Dean and Sully, no wonder Sam was such a hero. I'm glad Dean acknowledged Sully's work, that was nice. Also, DAMN! They referenced Sammy falling off the shed! Good work! Omg, I'm loving the fact they're rediscovering continuity!

I took Sully's rainbow suspenders to be a shout-out to Mork—you know those boys watched a lot of 80s TV in reruns. In the 90s, that's what most daytime programming was, we watched a shit ton of it when BG was a wee babe. 'Course, at first I was all, "Oh damn, Sam's imaginary friend is flying the flag!" Haha. (yeah, like we won't be using that in future fics—"Sully's suspenders a reflection of Sam's budding sexuality.". ;D )

I loved Sam in this ep—he made me snivel more than once. I loved Dean in this ep—what a huge dork! It was fun to have a little Dork!Dean again. And omgaaaaawd, Unicorn Man! LOL!!! I know I'm not the only one who saw this:

Anyhoo, I will watch again and hopefully, actually post my thoughts after. I'm very much enjoying the feeling that the Winchesters truly working together, with those mile-high walls significantly lower. I'm also enjoying whole shows that revolve around just the Winchesters.

The kinda alarming part of being increasingly boring? Is that, also increasingly, I just don't care. I've had a lot of excitement in my life, and frankly, I could have done without a lot of it--excitement's over rated.

So I'll lift my glass in your general direction, blow a kiss and wish you Happy New Year!

Roxy, let me tell you, you could never be boring. I don't know about you, but after the upheavals I've had over the last year, I could do with a year of being settled, and yes, even boring. Happy New Year from down under.