Self-esteem, relationships, domestic violence, abuse

The reality of human actions has always been horrifying to say the least.

Internet communication has opened doors to every household on the planet, allowing the innocence of our children to be held captive in a world of negativity and destructive behavior.

We, as parents, must take action and sharpen our own awareness as to what our children are doing when it involves networking on the Internet.

We do not allow our children to talk to strangers on the street or let a stranger in that knocks on our door, do we? Then why is it, that we allow them to surf the Internet or have a Face Book page without our knowledge? Many children do have unmonitored access to the Internet and yes, they do join Face Book and other social networking sites when they are not being watched. This is where our awareness as a parent is vital.

There has been numerous amounts of excellent information made available to each of us, such as the video above, which screams out to parents to be more aware and to take control of our children’s freedom on the internet. Safety for our children begins in our homes.

The negative thinking and what people are willing to do to make money at the cost of our children’s innocence has always been out there. The Internet has only made is readily available in our own homes at all times.

Where there is a demand, there will be a market. That saying holds an ugly truth when it involves pornography and the innocence of the human mind.

We continuously point the finger of blame in many directions for what may possibly be avoided in what we allow to happen in our lives.

In sharing this post with you, I can only hope that you will become more aware in the fact that you have done everything in your power to keep your Internet doors locked in the name of the safety of your children~

This may or may not be a real situation for the woman in this video, it is however a real fact in so many lives around the globe. I choose to share this with you so that you can read opinions of others that too may have either been or still are a witness to or a victim of abuse. Abuse is a prison in its own. It is to many an impossible situation to escape from. If you have never been mentally or physically abused, you can never conceive of its hold on the victim. Dorothyl

A woman takes a photo of herself each day for a year long… At the end, the woman is holding a paper on which is written: “Help me, I don’t know if I’ll make it ’till tomorrow.”

Comments below..

Rhiannon Dean · St. Joseph CT
It pissess me off that so many people are judging her for staying for a year. Many people are in this form of relationship for much longer than that even. Abuse it’s not something most people can up and leave from because it permeates their life. Stop being judgemental and start being empathetic.
Reply · Like · 104 · Follow Post · August 1 at 8:12am

Blair Logie
Well most of the time they still stay with them and don’t think that it is an abusive relationship (if you Watch Family guy, Quatmires sister for example). However This woman has shown that she knows that this is an abusive relationship and while she is calling out for help why did she take all those pictures?
Reply · Like · 14 · August 1 at 1:28pm

Mniek Stegenga · Top Commenter
Blair Logie Just try to imagine how much fear you can have for leaving such a person who does this. It needs some extra guts. Apparantly ´this girl found guts´ (not sure if its a real or made for the campagne) by asking for help on the internet. Playing with these kind of people feels like playing with your life.
Reply · Like · 24 · August 1 at 4:16pm

Blair Logie
Mniek Stegenga Apparantely it was a campaign.
Reply · Like · 1 · August 1 at 4:17pm
View 12 more

Beth Colclough · Upright at Self employed business
Until you walk a mile in someones shoes do not judge I spent 8 yrs in an abusive relationship until Ifinally ffoundthe strength and ccourage to leave. Then and only then did the real shit start to happen…

In this post, I am not in any way saying that women are not at fault for joining in on certain conversations in regards to men and sexual innuendos. I am saying, however that it is more than not, the male mind that takes part in the degradation of the female body when in the midst of other men. Not only is this an attack on women, but it is most certainly the foundation of what feeds the minds of rapists and abusers.

We all know and have even witnessed situations that when men are in a group, it only takes one mind to start the train of thought which leads to words of degrading women.

Why is it, that there are so few MEN in the room that will take a stand and say NO to these horrible habits of thought. How can you say you love women on one hand, yet take part in demoralizing them as if they were nothing more than a dirty joke? These words are not amusing nor are they funny, and it is totally dis-respectable to your partners in life.

I ask that you keep these two things in mind if and when you are involved in a conversation of such: One, that if you do not now have a daughter or daughters, that you may one day and these remarks are directed towards them as well. Two, that your mother is also being targeted with these so-called humorous remarks or jokes~ Need I say more??

The act of rape is not only serious, intrusive, violating, victimizing, terrorizing and traumatizing, it is also an act that remains without reason or rhyme for so many. We read and hear, that it is about an act of a type of control and power. When I speak/write about the act of rape, it is about when the word NO, bears no meaning. It is about when one person goes beyond what is right and what is acceptable. It is also about when a person has no control over their own thoughts and/or actions, yet takes control over another’s through physical and/or mental actions in a sexual manner of sorts.

I ran into this discussion on Face Book in which I felt compelled to share with you as it deals with a subject matter that can affect each and everyone to some degree.

… after watching the hidden imprisonment that this child is allowing to surface through his self-expression.. I could not help but wonder, do we as parents choose to not identify with our children’s feelings and self-esteem or do we just not see them? Does it take a child’s threats of suicide to open your eyes as a parent that you are missing something vital to your child’s happiness?

This video may or may not be real, but what is real, is the message it is sending to you as a parent… please stop for a moment each day and not only talk but listen to your child. Keep an eye on how long he/she spends on Face Book, texting others and even the time he/she chooses to be alone.

~YOUR awareness as to where your child’s thoughts are, is not only essential to their happiness, but vital to their survival~

The innocence of a child, will not allow their minds to understand what terror is being put on them during the abuse. They can no more think of killing their abuser than they can a fly on the wall.

It worsens when the child knows the abuser, because they have a love and trust that is so innocent, they cannot mistrust. This is where the confusion is set deep into their psyche, causing them to have conflicts with feelings throughout their life. In place of learning love through hugs and smiles, they are taught love through sexual abuse and threats. They have already learnt that the world is not safe. Children quickly learn through instinct to remove their minds from their bodies. They also can manipulate their bodies to go numb in order to not feel any physical contact with the abuser. This is what we call detachment disorder. Abused children are also taught to mistrust any form of physical, emotional and/or verbal love and/or appreciation.

The abuser will tell them things like, “Daddy loves you and wants to show you how much”, or ” I am teaching you what daddy’s teach their daughters so that you will grow up and know how to be a good woman”.

So much deception and lies from someone that a child holds dear to their heart. To doubt their abuser when it is their father, only makes them feel like a bad child. They know that their father wants them to love them and smile for them.This makes daddy happy. It is what every child is naturally driven to do. They thrive on their parents smiles and happy feelings. This is the exact thing that an abuser takes advantage of and also poisons through the abuse they inflict on the child.

The child will also think in two identities if the abuser is her father or her uncle. She will think simply in two parts. Good daddy, bad daddy. This helps her to keep her good daddy image safe, where he is suppose to be. The second daddy will be a figure in a bad dream, not real to her world at all. A child may turn to drawing pictures of her good daddy and bad daddy. Or write very obscure, negative, even offensive poems or stories. These are true signs and most certainly cries for help. Please do not ever underestimate the power of the pen. It will either be a cry for help from someone that cannot use words, or it could be the key to ones doors of healing.

When the abuser is a family member, this factor alone robs the child of what would be known as a safe nest. The child will never know what a healthy role model is. Nor will this child ever have the experience of innocent nurturing. Unless this child through years of growth, learns to identify with their abuser and confront the abuse, their healing will never begin. Without this inner healing and peace, one is likely to repeat this horrible act of abuse that they were lead to believe to be a common practice in parenting.

Victims have no choice but to survive. If they do not commit suicide, they learn to cope. I have mentioned in another article that some use drugs, alcohol, food, cutting ones self and even sex. These are common coping strategies. NO they are not good ones, but for most of the victims that choose that road, it’s the better of the two evils.

Other victims choose to forget it ever happened, down play the abuse or rationalize it as if it were nothing more than a simple hug or touch. They even go as far as excusing their abusers actions or temper, saying the was drunk or too stressed out from working. Victims will even try to understand and feel sorrow for their abusers. Anything to not accusethem and have to deal with the confusion of the why’s. Some even become so withdrawn into themselves, fearing that they may talk too much, or give a clue to someone about their nightmare. Then all their shame will be seen. So they choose silence instead of risk.

Denial is another way around facing the reality. But denial has a way of twisting around and returning with a vengeance. To not allow your pain to come up front so you can deal with it, only gives it more time to grow inside of you and get a stronger hold of your mind. Reality and fantasy will also get confused at this point. People will confuse your actions and words with mental illness. Then not only will you have your abuser to contend with, but now others will be trying to force you into another victim situation. Yes, you have done whatever it took to survive this horrible abuse, so now rise above it. It was nothing more than a cause and effect battle. A battle that you have over come!

I continue to show you patterns that are caused by neglecting yourself and allowing yourself to be totally absorbed by an action that was NEVER in your control. Now it is in your control. Now you can do something about it. SO, what are you waiting for? FIGHT!!!! Fight like you are trying to save the life of someone dear to you. Fight like a master and use your power to say, “Go to hell“. Scream this as loud as you can, “I see you, I hear you and I will not allow you to abuse me any longer!” You must feel the freedom that comes with this new fight that is awakening inside you. Once the fight is over, you will live a new life. A new book has just been written.

Have you ever thought, how just a look or a simple word can tear apart the innocence and trust of a loved one?

Have you ever told someone to shutup, or used a very negative label through name calling?

Have you ever blatantly ignored someone for reasosn of payback?

Have you ever lost your cool and struck out at another?

All of these actions are lethal weapons and play a huge part in rendering a person helpless and demoralized. There is no love in these actions only pure destruction of what once was innocent and trusting.

It is like taking a beautiful flower and pouring acid in its soil..it dies, slowly it weakens and deteriorates until it is nothing but dust.

These are my thoughts on abuse in every way shape or form.

Below I am honored to share with you some very deep and genuine thoughts from a very dear friend of mine on the subject of abuse. He has kindly trusted me and has allowed me to share his thoughts as a guest post. This writer does not share his thoughts through research, statistics or something seen on a television show. He speaks from true grit life experiences and his own struggles as victim and survivor of abuse.~

I introduce…. Wilmaryad Oscallas

Parents are crucial in building and strengthening their children‘s character. As cliche as it sounds, children are but a blank page on which life values are written. Teaching your kids how to get by in life mustn’t happen at the expense of their psychological and emotional well-being. Some kids are slower to grasp than others. And so what? Therefore, parents, I beg you, don’t assault your kids, physically, verbally or emotionally, because the world outside of the household will take care of that, in abundance.

Instead, nurture your children, free their shoulders from burdens they are too small to carry. Let them play, let them break things, watch them make mistakes, laugh the mistake away to avoid instilling in the kid an unnecessary sense of fatality and guilt. Trust me, you’d much rather have your kid make mistakes under your watchful eye than bottle up all those necessary steps towards learning and unleashing them in school or on the streets, which could result in dire consequences that can even lead to imprisonment.

Don’t let your anger out on your kids, because you’ll make angry adults out of them. So angry that they can’t keep friends, won’t do well in school/at work and miserably fail in romantic partnerships. If you normalize your abuse of your children as part of their upbringing, they’ll think it normal for their future partners to abuse them, too.

This doesn’t mean you should spoil your kids rotten until you lose total control over their behavior, in and out of the house. Instead of imposing things on them, teach them independence and self-reliance, by supervising their choices and enhancing their self-worth, without which they’ll grow up to be a burden on society.

Now, if you insult your kids, scream at them, and chastise them for the slightest mishap, stop for a second and monitor your actions. Kids are as deep as water wells when it comes to hiding what’s bothering them. So, don’t expect your kid to ask you to stop your tyranny. It is NEVER too late to plead guilty of ignorance, to ask for forgiveness, and to prove you’ve changed by using a more tender tone of voice and displaying less anger on your face. Your kids will, eventually, forgive you because they love you unconditionally and can’t understand why you don’t.

If you hit your daughter today, she won’t find it odd if her future boyfriend/husband abuses her, too. Chances are you’ll reprimand her for always choosing losers, forgetting that by abusing her all her life, you had cut off her wings and suffocated her emotional development in the cradle. If your abused daughter has kids, she might inflict upon them what you had inflicted upon her; but if she is self-aware, she’ll give them all the affection and care you always deprived her of.

Society is at a suicidal point because there are too many abuse victims. The world out there is a brutal jungle, where an abused lion will be eaten by his fellow lions, because he wasn’t taught how to embrace his value as a lion and masterfully rule the jungle. So, mothers and fathers, please, reconsider your approach to raising your kids. Violence only begets violence, and it may even be directed against you by your own children, someday. I’m sure you’ve all heard of people who couldn’t take any more abuse and murdered their parents. Nobody wants this to happen, right?

We all talk about it… hear about it…read about it…we even witness it…but how many of us are actually victims of it and are not identifying with it for whatever reason. Theit in this post being emotional abuse~
It cannot be seen, nor controlled in so many cases as it is what I consider an invisible abuse and so many of us do not know how emotional abuse looks on a victim or worse whether or not we are the victim. It is all about controlling another person through their emotions. We do however see the results and the damage of emotional abuse as the victim slowly loses their smile, weight, their zest for life and/or drinks too much or falls into self medicating with drugs. We see it as they stop calling or coming over. We see it when they refuse to allow us to visit for fear of being discovered or questioned.
It can be so obvious if we know what to look for in our family, friends even our own selves.
This video describes emotional abuse clearly and not only leaves you without a doubt…it also leaves you with many thoughts and a keen awareness of what emotional abuse looks like~

I found this article and well, you know me, I just had to expose it to a wider audience. I would luv to hear your thoughts on whether or not these multi-billion dollar, profit- tycoon companies will actually turn down that almighty dollar. Personally, I doubt it, but again that is just my opinion and I will leave that thought with you!

The Financial Coalition Against Child Pornography is teaming up with the U.S. credit card market in an attempt to take the profitability out of online child porn, a multibillion-dollar, international business. Participating credit card companies will report child porn sites they find that are accepting their cards as a means of payment for the porn. They will also block these transactions or possibly help track sellers and buyers if an investigation by law enforcement results.
Ernie Allen, of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), and Senator Richard Shelby (R-AL) brought the coalition together, with the goal to eradicate commercial child porn by 2008.
“The scope of the problem is much greater than we ever thought,” Allen says. “It’s mind-boggling.” NCMEC’s CyberTipline reports more than 340,000 reports of child porn websites — up from just 24,400 five years ago.
Allen explains how one website can attract thousands of customers, predominantly male, who purchase $29 monthly subscriptions on their credit cards. “People are getting into this because they see children as a commodity,” Allen adds. “There’s no question organized crime is involved.”
The NCMEC spokesman explains the groups’ strategy. “To eliminate the commercial viability of child pornography, we must stop the flow of money,” he says. “To do that, we need the involvement of the world’s leaders in the payments industry and the Internet.”
Participating companies include Visa, MasterCard, American Express and Discover. In addition, Bank of America, Chase, Citigroup and PayPal are involved. However, MasterCard and American Express do not intend to reveal customer identities unless subpoenaed to do so.
“This is the broadest, most comprehensive coalition we’ve been involved in,” said MasterCard executive Joshua Peirez. “This is not a competitiveness issue. This is about protecting children.”

REALLY….is all I really have to say to that. Better yet…. is there an election to follow this attempt to smell good in the most ridiculous pile of garbage? Seriously, this is like believing that magazines will stop trying to make their profits selling: cosmetics, diet-programs and pills or ageless cremes through unreal body images. A fact that we all know, has only been brought to our attention because of shouts being heard, finally from self-respecting women that are tired of watching these companies make profits at the expense of our younger and very vulnerable generation. This line really made my stomach tighten into a knot of disgust, “NCMEC’s CyberTipline reports more than 340,000 reports of child porn websites — up from just 24,400 five years ago.” Also this one, “People are getting into this because they see children as a commodity,” Allen adds. “There’s no question organized crime is involved.”

UG….is this what are world has evolved to?

A low-life and sick-twisted poor excuse for a human being. That is again my opinion of these creatures that seek out this kind of so-called sick excitement. I am not sure which one I would like to remove from this earth first, the seller or the buyer. Why is there a market for such an item of, again I say, “so-called sick excitement?” I really do not like to be gender specific or point any fingers, but it is becoming more than obvious even to the most narrow minded person that males are noted as the culprit behind the majority of buyers, as this quote also backs me up in that thought, “Allen explains how one website can attract thousands of customers, predominantly male, who purchase $29 monthly subscriptions on their credit cards.” It is the old question of what came first,” the chicken or the egg?” Is it the stripper or the patron paying for that stripper? Is it the bank robbers and purse thief’s or is it the government`s teachings of legalized robbery as they do well through taxes and fee`s with a smile and a hand shake?Is it the makers of child pornography, the parents that profit, or the person purchasing such filth? Is it the bar owner making sales of alcohol, or is it the person that pays for it? Do you see a pattern here at all?I do!…I see it like this….It is ,”I” that chooses to make the decision of what, “I” want or do not want. It is “I” that chooses to undermine what is right from wrong. It is,”I” that spends my time and money on the said item or form of excitement.Can you see it now?It is YOU and I that is responsible for all of this garbage that we have to smell every second of every day. It is also YOU and I that can change this stench of life.So lets DO IT….PLEASE. For the sake of our children and their children and so on, can we not just put more time and energy in making this world a little bit of a better place. I don`t know about you, but when someone says that I cannot do something or that I will fail because the, ” Bible told me so”. Well I fight back and prove them wrong on every damn letter of their accusation or disbelief. SO lets FIGHT back and NOT ALLOW these horrible people continue to ruin our what should be a beautiful world.

We are strength in numbers ans I have said so many times to the members of my WSE forum, so people hear me now…. WE CAN DO THIS!!!! WE CAN DO ANYTHING WE WANT, we just have to WANT IT!!!!! I hope that you know where your child is and I hope that you are not making a profit on your child, for that I hope you pay in full!

About

Born & raised in Canada…Northern Ontario, where I raised 4 fantastic children Recently returning after 8 awesome years, from the Sunny State of Florida where I enjoy my passions of running, kayaking, reading and writing books reviews, blogging, painting houses and working on strengthening my website!

Womensselfesteem.com's Abuse Information/Articles

We all want to be in a relationship at one point in our lives, but do we ever really stop and think about the true meaning of the responsibility of committing to a relationship?Do we commit to a relationship like we commit to a piece of cake? (Silly analogy, but effective)As in, taking some time to think whether either is going to be distasteful once we com […]

Do you know what it is like being Trapped in a thought ?Escape is not an option.What was a simple drip in your pool of thoughts, quickly turned into an ocean of tidal waves rolling into each other, over and over again. This is what it feels like to not have positive control over your mind.Our minds often repeat hurtful thoughts or scenarios over and over, ev […]

Valentine's Day is around the corner and I am going to share with you a little bit about this special day through my thoughts and also on how it was originally intended for the pleasure of the male as per the findings through folklore and historical facts. Here is a bit about what history has depicted as to how Valentine's Day began.**For eight hun […]

Once again, a very brave and courageous action has been taken to prove that there are people out there that do not view the human body as a judgement call. It is however, also proof that the need for accepting who we are without prejudice is still very much an issue for many.We read and hear that, "self-acceptance must first come from within". I t […]

This video touches on a very disturbing topic.The topic being the Internet/ Webcam Child Sex Tourism.If you are easily offended with the reality of the serious acts of predators/pedophiles, then I do not advise you watch this video.This video speaks for itself~

Take the message above very seriously, as it is what will determine your ability to love you.How you see yourself through your own eyes is what will take you to a higher self-image which will in-turn raise your self-esteem. I am sharing one of my more intense articles on self-esteem with you as I feel it can never be read enough~Self-esteem issues seems to b […]