We get it, you’ve been waiting for what feels like forever for your boyfriend to come rescue you, but he keeps running into the wrong castles. It’s frustrating.

At least you’ll have plenty of time to devise your own escape from imprisonment by this dinosaur-turtle who’s been harassing you and your friends for the last...oh 30-some years now. Nevermind your mustachioed plumber boyfriend and his brother; you can get yourself out of this predicament. In this classic styled Sexy Pink Princess Costume, you’ll be able to easily use your wits to talk your way past the turtle-monster gatekeepers and the mushroom looking patrol guards. Just jump over a few pits of fire and avoid the biting potted flowers and you’ll be home free. Included in this costume is a zip-up dress with sequin trim and hot pink hem detail, along with white gloves (to keep your hands clean from all your lock picking and stone wall climbing involved in your escape), and a crown to remind everyone that you--yes you!--are an actual princess who escaped from her confinement in order to get back to her Kingdom of various fungal creatures.

Trust us, in this outfit, you won’t need those bumbling plumbing brothers (you’ll see them at the next tennis tournament in any case), and you can throw your own royal parties and salons, regaling all your guests with your wonderful stories of your grand escape from sure peril.