Friday, December 2, 2011

First They Laugh at You...

...then they laugh some more, then they laugh so hard they cry...

Herman Cain's unwillingness or inability to pull out of the GOP presidential race cannot be explained by mere stubbornness. The only man in the race who makes Bachmann look like legitimate presidential material by conspicuous relief, you'd think Cain's hideously elongated joke of a campaign would take the latest allegation by Ginger White as a welcome opportunity to finally call it off and get back to trying to spread his white sauce from coast to coast.

The only ones who aren't laughing at him are diehard right wing voters who look at Cain as a handy-dandy lawn jockey they desperately want to see on the south lawn of the White House by 2013. Cain is obviously the cover they need in their desperation to get the uppity black guy out of the Oval Office while not looking racist in doing so.

(As a sidebar, it'll be interesting to see how enthusiastic his temporary KKK apostates will remain if Cain decides to name another African American as his running mate, say, Michael Steele or J. Kenneth Blackwell. Hm. All black, all the time? "Git the hood an' robe from the dry cleaners, Ma! It 'pears we ain't done wit' 'em, yet!")

And, after making a show of "reassessing" his campaign, the Cain train has decided to go full steam ahead while miraculously remaining completely oblivious to the fact it's been diverted to a track leading only to a train yard populated by other political punchlines (And, yes, I'm looking in your direction, Dan Quayle.)

What's even more mystifying is that Cain still has not reached that tipping point that should've by now told even his diehard supporters (such as this mouth-breather who has remained mysteriously silent on the latest allegations and is now casting about for a new champion such as someone who's already said she's not running) that this man needs only a squeaky nose and size 52 shoes to complete the image. It brings to mind all the people who thronged to Queen concerts in the 80's and remaining completely clueless that Freddie Mercury was pleading for people to finally realize what he was even while he was wearing assless leather chaps.

It appears as if their reverse racism will not allow them to completely dismiss this man even if he proudly displays a complete and total ignorance of foreign policy ranging from fears the Red Chinese will one day have the bomb to defiantly remaining ignorant about who's leading Uzbekistan to having a brain fart about Libya to not knowing what "right of return" was, a man so steeped in his moral turpitude that the woman who'd accused him of having an affair with him for over 13 years has proved that Cain was trading text messages with her up until last month (two weeks ago, to be more exact).

It's just as hard to square this undying support for a man who had no problem keeping a mistress on the side and giving steady financial support to her while essentially promising to give no aid to other poor, desperate people who don't happen to be sleeping with him.

Just think about what these same Tea Baggers would be saying if it was found that the President was also having an affair with another woman for 13 years and that four women (even if they worked for ACORN, who no doubt would suddenly be very credible) accused Mr. Obama of sexual harassment.

I think it's fair to say it would set civil rights back to the 15th century and our 44th President would be the first Chief Executive to be lynched. It would be Clinton/Lewinsky II and the Republican Party would suddenly get very motivated while Congress was in session and be devoting 24/7 to writing articles of impeachment and badgering the Justice Department to launch a grand jury investigation. Fund raising within GOP circles would reach a fever pitch and the sale of rope and axe handles would skyrocket from coast to coast, especially in the south.

But, hey, when Herman Cain does it? They're unproven allegations, smear tactics, politically motivated, gold-digging. And who cares that his 9-9-9 tax plan was derived from Sim City, that he quoted a Pokemon movie line as poetry and this man is otherwise less knowledgeable about basic abstract facts expected of a man running for the highest public office possible than a D list blogger?