5.6.11

So, I tell myself that you're happy where you are. That you are exactly where God means for you to be. When you share the way you did, I am reminded that it is true. We are not called to be of this world. Yet, the world continues to fool me.

It whispers promises of a brighter future. It gently wraps it's arms around me, reassuring me that if I work harder, reach higher... if I dream bigger, I will be happier. It dangles it's oh so tempting possessions within my reach. Intriguing me. Taunting me. Wanting me.

Then, I am jolted awake by the harsh reality. The world will eat me alive, if only I let it do so. All it would take is one step outside of my box and I can fall in to the abyss of emptiness.

With a history such as mine, I know that the only thing the world has for me is emptiness. The only happiness I will have, living 'in the world', would be an empty smile. I've been down that road before. The world had me convinced that I was happy where I was. It had me believing that my future belonged to none other than myself. I had myself so convinced that the only way to success was to forget where I was from... to embrace the promises of a brighter future through a man and success.

It wasn't until I broke free of those bonds that I realized how truly miserable I was. I wasn't happy. I wasn't even content. It was when I finally experienced happiness in the carefree being of a pilgrim that I realized that I'd been living a lie, deceiving myself. It wasn't until I had nothing that I realized, in Christ, I have everything.

Believe me, I know how insane that may seem to most people. Up until recently, I'd have thought myself completely absurd. I guess this is an experience that one must experience first-hand.

I am, by no means, perfect. I am definitely not, by the world's definition of the word, 'successful'. But, you know what? I am perfect in the eyes of the only being that should ever really matter. In the eyes of the only one who can truly judge me, I am a being of splendor and magnificence. That should be the only thing that matters.

Unfortunately, I am still, very much, a child of this world. I can only hope that one day, I can believe what you do. Maybe, with your prayers, I can do what you've done. One day, I pray, I will be able to see that I too am called to be something greater than a child of this world. One day, I will be able to say yes to being a child of God. Your experiences help me.

One day, you will make some people a great shepherd. Until that day, keep being you, with your butterfingered, graceless, awkward moments. They bring a smile to everyone who experiences them with you and it reminds us that the call can be for anyone. I am happy to call you 'friend'.