Brooks Brothers does not make the type of "College apparel" worn by Southeastern Conference country animals on "game day" that serves as little more than a bib for copious amounts of spilled beer and barbecue sauce. That is not what Brooks Brothers does. Brooks Brothers makes dignified casual apparel for American winners.

But, what Brooks Brothers has agreed to do as a nod to modernity is to produce—for the first time in its history—college-branded "sweaters, dress and polo shirts and ties" for a select group of 15 American colleges. In this way, Brooks Brothers has, through its business plan alone, revealed to us all the 15 schools in America most infested by unbearable preppy (or faux-preppy) Brooks Brothers-wearing scumbags. We now present these 15 schools to you, in order of unbearability: