Shouty Town Halls Died The Day Starbucks Made An Ad About Shouty Town Halls

Variations of this new Starbucks ad have been on the television recently, for some new coffee dongle. Essentially, “now you can pay a shitload for our instant coffee too!” But town halls are dead, is the point. They’ve been dead for a month or so, and now they are dead-dead. [YouTube]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

This ad played, without irony, during Morning Joe. All that whoring for starbucks that Mika does, and she couldn’t even acknowledge it, despite her equivocating on the appropriateness of shouting. So much better when she was “afraid to voice her opinions on television”.

Crank Tango

[re=422082]SayItWithWookies[/re]: zing!

Then again when you think of it, maybe kenyan IS hawaiian? I mean has anyone ever seen kenya and hawaii in the same place at the same time?

[re=422084]problemwithcaring[/re]: Regardless, this is great news for McCain.

Accordion-o-rama

Starbucks: espresso so lame, you can’t tell it from instant!

slappypaddy

town halls are the heart of democracy. god help us. the enlarged, clogged, straining, oxygen-starved heart of democracy.

now, if it only had a brain.

specialed

That was funny.

bureaucrap

[re=422092]Crank Tango[/re]: Kenya and Hawaii both are coffee-producing regions. Therefore, Starbucks is Obama is Hitler is Mwai Kibaki is King Kamehameha.

HipHopOpotamus

Starbucks has had this thing for a year. [Warning: one of the thousands of ex-employees. It’s like the new-er, chic-er place to have had a first (or third..) job. Suck it, McD’s]. AND I CAN TASTE THE DIFFERENCE.

I should be in that town hall meeting, is what I’m saying. So I could bite off a finger.

Yellow Cake

You mean Starbucks is going to start having Death Panels too?

shortsshortsshorts

NO MORE WAR IN AFGHANISTAN AND IRAQ!!11
SAVE THE FLIES!11
INSTANT COFFEEEEEEE!11!!!

Lascauxcaveman

[re=422081]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Tsk, Roscoe. Yew call yerself a hillbilly? If yer gonna fix it, fix it all the way. That last bit should read I cain’t neither!

Is that Roz from Frasier doing the voice-over? Because of Seattle, or something?

Smoke Filled Roommate

“I can’t tell the difference! Birth certificate, Hitler, ACORN!”

Scarab

Brilliant ad campaign, it targets Starbucks core demographic, overweight white people who will kill you if they think you’re trying to get in line ahead of them.

norbizness

What’s the open casting call look like for an accurate town hall commercial: “Dyspeptic octogenarians with Tourette’s syndrome or irritable bowels sought to yell non sequiturs for the purpose of selling overpriced, overheated, shit-coffee”? In other words, too many youngs in this test run.

ForTheTurnstiles

Not the same as the insane, untested missle-krusher dongle in Poland?

Need a bigger data set. More dongle pls.

randomsausage

Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Triple Venti Mocha

Sharkey

I would not trust those people to boil their own water.

Crank Tango

KEEP STARBUCKS OUT OF MY COFFEE!!!11!!

Click

Because pouring hot water into a coffee machine is too time-consuming.

Crank Tango

[re=422108]bureaucrap[/re]: and Adolphe Stalin drank coffee!

Besides, isn’t coffee the opposite of tea anyway?

Come here a minute

This will finally cure the internets of “you owe me a keyboard” and “you owe me a monitor”. Use the vacuum cleaner!

“Shouty Town Halls Died the Day Starbucks Made An Ad About Shouty Town Halls”
-Ergo, we owe Starbucks a hearty round of gratitude for killing said shouty town halls. I demand they now make ads about Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Teabag Parties and Chad from the Alltel commercials, for starters.

Extemporanus

[re=422119]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: In a recent survey of town hall coffeebaggers*, 73% said that they thought the birth certificate was Folger-y.

*Coffeebaggernoun
1. One who coffeebags.

*Coffeebagverb
2. To place one’s anus on the mouth, or on or around the face, of another person.

hobospacejunkie

The Horst Wessel Venti. If this new coffee will make Mika instantly take off her clothes I’ll not only buy the coffee, I’ll watch Morning Joe.

schvitzatura

VIA? SBUX is starting their taste test of their VIA vs. Pike Place Roast in the next couple of days.

SBUX baristatron gave me a packet/sachet of the stuff this morning.

I tried it.

VIA? More like VIA DOLOROSA!

Click

[re=422133]Click[/re]: Shit. What was I thinking? You never pour HOT water into a coffee machine. I guess that means instant coffee requires one extra step. Who needs that?

Cheney Guevara

[re=422076]Crank Tango[/re]:

totally. it’s like the frozen white castle burgers; they taste like the real thing b/c both suck.

saggyboobedhag

Why are there no women shouting in this ad? Women made for some of the best shouters (especially waving ziplock bagged birth certificates). You have to at least have one crying Puma, for god’s sake.

[re=422095]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Thanks, I wasn’t planning to buy this product, but now I’ll reconsider.

Jukesgrrl

[re=422164]HedonismBot[/re]: I, too, hate Chad from the Alltel commercials, while I am neutral on the can-you-hear-me-now-guy. But it doesn’t matter since I am too old for their target demographic. Starbucks doesn’t care if I drink their instant, either, because I will be dead before they can extract their desired million $ out of me.

spraklepeapooh

Next the Farmers of Argula and Snotty Cruciferous Intelligentsia-loved Salad Treats Suppliers [FASCISTS] will also produce an ad playing on the shouty town hall meetings and the right-wingers will have more evidence for their conspiracy theories.

grevillea

“Sir, no, sir… No, no sir, please listen, sir, the taste test wasn’t meant to be between VIA and the contents of your colostomy bag, sir… You preferred which one, now?

LowerdPeninsula

[re=422167]Extemporanus[/re]: Coffeebagger. Priceless Win.

[re=422081]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: “Needed to be done in hillbilly. “I cain’t taste the difference! I cain’t either!”

Sorry; that had me rolling.

glamourdammerung

At least they got the color of the screamers right, but sadly, the ad needs more racism.