SYNOPSIS:There are these people,
um, and they have these machines that are really Angel-like uh,
things. These people are a part of NERV which is like an organization
for SEELE, uh which is formed to save the world...... no wait!
They want the world to end.... No, come to think of it that'd
be kinda stupid. They do like to kill Angels that don't look
like Angels but they blow stuff up, uh all the time. So that's
good.
Then Asuka came and I uh already knew Rei and Misato
and I hate my Dad. He's mean to uh, to me. Then Kaji came and
he got some lovin' out of Misato-san and Ritsuko killed Rei,
but she didn't really. No, uh, see Rei was like a lot of people
but she changed a lot too. Then um, I did something bad in front
of Asuka after I killed my best friend and that robot-guy Keel
told the JSSDF to kill NERV so that he could do the Impact but
the white Evas with Kaworu Plugs came and ate the red Eva and
then everything ended but uh, it didn't really end.

Okay,
now um, I would uh maybe like to answer some um, maybe some Frequently
Asked Questions. Maybe? Okay.

1)Q:Shinji-kun,
did Misato really kill Kaji?

A: Uh, sure.

But
that makes no sense! She loved him! I know that she wasn't as
screwed up as you 'cause she was really cute^_^

Okay, um, she didn't
then...... Wait, Kaji-san's dead?!?!

Here's
a picture that you'll only find on this page. Don't download
it and spread it across the web because I made this picture myself!
If I ever find out that somebody else took my picture I'll, I'll,
I'll get really pissed! It's mine dammit!

2)Q:Next question,
Shinji. Is that really Adam on the cross in Terminal Dogma or
is it really Lilith? If it is Lilith, how come the Angels go
to her? They're supposed to go to Adam! And I know that Lilith
isn't an Angel because my 5 year old sister told me so, and I
know that Adam was like an embryo and he was the first man too,
so how can he be the big thing in NERV HQ with seven eyes, huh?

4)Q: Why does your father (Ikari
Gendo) like Ayanami Rei more than you?

A: Because he's a jerk!

Are
you sure it couldn't be because you're a total wuss?

SHUT UP!!!!!! Shut
up.... I mustn't run away.... I mustn't run away.....

Hey!
He does like her better than me, doesn't he. What an asshole!

5)Q:Are you
like gay or something? Why were you like so into Kaworu?

A: I thought that
she was cute is all. Um, okay?

He was a guy,
dude!

What?!?!?! Nani?!?!!?!!

No
wonder she seemed so flat!

6)Q:Is mankind
the last Angel? Because Misato said something like that and the
Dead Sea Scrolls said that Hitler was the second anti-Christ
and I didn't even see the whole TV series or the movie but I
love Gainax because they made Evanjelly-on and I heard
about Nadia and I know that man is an Angel because I want to
have an AT Field. That would be cool!

A: Uh, yes? No.
Er, I uh..... Asuka! Help me Asuka! Kaworu was a guy and
Kaji's dead now too! Help me Asuka!

You
IDIOT!!!!! How can that be?! She was in the Magi system, not
the EVA!

Did you even
watch the show?!?!
You MEGA BAKA!!!! She only programed her personalities as a mother,
scientist, and woman into the Magi system, she didn't put her
soul into it!!!!........ er, or something.

9)Q:
Okay, uh
Shinji-kun, wasn't Adam hiding in Antarctica because his wife
Eve found out that he had a first marriage to Lilith and she
was po'ed and threatened him with an System Sephiroth because
the Angels had to return to him, no, I mean to Lilith because
she made them?

A: ............ I'm
autistic as hell and even I know what the hell is going on in
this show. What the f*** is your problem buddy? I'm a fourteen
year old boy who has a crush on three different women (one twice
my age, one a clone of my mother, and one a smart ass super-genius
who thinks I'm pond scum) but I at least understand the basics
of the convoluted (but not insane) Evangelion story line! You-
the guy who just asked that question. Yeah you, pal! Get the
f*** off of my page right now! What a sunova-. Next question!

Here's
my Eva. I bet you never saw a picture of EVA-01 before, huh.
That's why my page is so special^_^ I have cool stuff on it.

12)Q:Shinji-kun. Over here. Okay,
please tell me if you and Asuka are alive at the end of the movie.
Because it looked like you died, but there you were. Why?

A: We uh, we died.

But
you were there and you're soul-mates (whatever the hell that
means).

Then we're alive.
Next!

13)Q:Why are Keel and your father
so bad? I don't like them!

A: Uh, I know that uh, father
is just a d***h*** because I'm a wuss, and I uh, Keel is like
half robot so he has an excuse.

14)Q:How many movies were there?

A: *Sigh*. Too
many, but apparently not enough.

15)Q:Why did they change the
Eva-00's color from yellow to blue?

A: Um, uh that's because
Ayanami doesn't like "yellow". They'd do anything to
make her happy, but me? Oh no! I happen to hate, repeat
hate purple, but will they ever change my Eva's color?
Hell no! Why? Because father says that the public likes purple
and they'll buy more toys if it stays purple. Damn I hate purple!

She
turns her back to "yellow", and... no, wait, is she
just turning her back to me?!?!

16)Q:Evangelion doesn't have
anything to do with Judaic or Christian faith or mythology in
the least, does it? I mean, I heard from this homeless guy that
lives down the street from us in the town dump that there's no
religious themes at all in Eva. I'm right, aren't I.

A: I don't know if I'll
even dignify that with a response...... Um, uh maybe I will er,
just to help those stupid enough to believe ole Homeless Bob's
preachings.
Here goes: First and foremost, the series is called
Neon GENESIS EVANGELION. Don't see any religious references
huh? Okay, how 'bout er, um it also talks at length about Adam,
Eve (or Eva), Lilith, Central Dogma, Angels, Apostles, the System
Sephiroth, Lancea Longinus, the Dead Sea Scrolls and the fact
that throughout the show many crosses and crucifixions are shown.
Hmmmm, maybe Bob has me on that one, huh........ That's just
a joke meaning "Pull your head out of your @$$". Get
it? Well sorry, I'm new at telling jokes.

17)Q:Hey Shinji-kun. I've noticed
that a bunch of other people out there are stealing your site
(word for word and even your cool graphics in some cases) and
claiming that it is their own. Why do they do this?

A: Well, to uh, to tell
you the truth, they do it because they um, they believe that
you, the readers, are morons. They er, don't understand that
I've already posted this information, and they think that they
have to repost it because they believe that the people
surfing my page will forget what they see when they leave.
I, uh, have more faith in the internet public though.
You see, I know that you people are smart and that you will actually
retain some memories of your experiences here. That's why I make
my page so cool and unforgettable (and [here's a brand new word
to some Eva page designers/stealers] original)!
You uh, you can't really blame those cyber-thieves
though. At least they chose a great page to steal^_^. Isn't my
page the coolest?!?!.

THE
END OF SHINJI-KUN'S FAQs!!!!!!

And now to show
you my excellent picture collection^_^

See, here's one with a bunch of cute girls on it. I like cute
girls@_@

Here's one that I guaranty that you've never seen before. Damn!
Isn't my site so friggin' cool!

Here's another cool one!

I like Asuka 'cause she's cute! Never mind the fact that her
brain is so f***ed up that it's impossible for her to make any
logical decisions ever again for fear of hurting herself either
physically or mentally. Damn is she cute@_@

See, I do have friends! I may have had to bribe them to get in
the picture with me, but I can be an otaku and still have (the
appearance of) friends^_^

Wow! Weren't all
those pictures cool? I did such a good job on them I think I'll
say so again. I did such a good job on this page! And it's nothing
like any of the other 1,970,281,341 Evangelion homepages out
there right now. Oops, now it's 1,970,281,356.

Well, I could do
a character rundown for you now.... but I'd only say that my
father's an asshole, that Asuka's cute and that I'd like to bone
Misato-san- so I won't.

All names, images
and events mentioned on this page are copyrights of Gainax
StudiosProject EVA . NAS.

I do not claim any
ownership or rights to these things, so get off my back! I'm
only making this cool page to show how much I love Evangelion. I
want others to know about it and buy as many tapes of it as they
can, so that soon the entire world will know Shin Seiki Evangelion!!!!

This
site (design and text) is a trademarked and copyrighted Rossman
Production. Do not copy any of it or I will come over there and
rip off your sack and feed it to your dog.

If you
need more substance in your meaningless and pathetic existence,
check out the following life supporting pages of glistening goodness!

If
you feel the overwhelming need to get in touch with me or my
father here at NERV, just give the message to Ayeka and Ryoko,
and as soon as/if I get it you can be sure that I will respond
with the utmost efficiency. Uh, sure.