I Am White Man; HEAR ME ROAR

The Senate Judiciary Committee held a public hearing for Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, one of the 4 (or is it 5? I can’t keep up…) women who have accused him of being a sexual assailant. The hearing was supposed to help the committee and the American public get a better understanding of the allegations, hear both sides of the story, and possibly determine their validity in a non-partisan, objective environment.

Yeaaaaaaaah, that didn’t really happen.

The first clue that the GOP was full of games and shenanigans was the presence of Rachel Mitchell, a special prosecutor from Arizona, experienced in sex crimes. The Judiciary Committee has no women on the GOP side, so what do these old-crotchety-white-men, looking only to promote their agendas do? Hire one from across the country and fly her in to question Dr. Ford, so that they don’t *look like* the bunch of old-crotchety-white-men attacking a survivor of sexual abuse in order to promote their agendas that they are.

The Ms. Mitchell plan however, proved to be a bit of a backfire for the Republicans. With the committee members taking 5-minute turns, and the political parties alternating each turn, Mitchell was only allowed to proceed after her questioning had been interrupted by apologies and praise from Democrats. Through this frustrating and tedious process, Mitchell ended up bolstering Dr. Ford’s credibility, almost beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Towards the end of Ford’s interrogation, Mitchell surprised many viewers by jokingly asking “would you believe me if I told you that there is no study that says that this setting in five-minute increments is the best way to do [this]?” As if to say “Look, I’m just here to do a job and stay neutral. So if you don’t get the result you want, it’s not my fault. Don’t @ me, GOP bros.”

The GOP was dejected and the outlook was grim. Faux News Anchors were voicing their fears aloud, saying this was a disaster for Republicans. Meaning it looked like Dr. Ford was telling the truth, and people believed her. (Spoiler Alert: She’s telling the truth. #BelieveSurvivors) What, oh what were they going to do? The truth is such a foreign concept to the GOP, they were genuinely baffled at the situation.

Just to remind everyone: Supreme Court positions are LIFETIME appointments, and the vacancy Kavanaugh was nominated to fill already came about in a very peculiar way (with the suspicious, early retirement of Justice Anthony Kennedy), and at a very peculiar time (after the Republican majority Senate CHANGED THE RULES in order to confirm Trump’s first pick, Neil Gorsuch…after stalling out Obama’s pick so that Trump could get the pick in the *first* place).

Supreme Court rulings affect people for GENERATIONS. If a president as incompetent as Ding-Dong J. Trump is placing TWO people on it, we should ALL be concerned and pay complete attention to the moral character of his nominees. This is, in essence, an intensive background check on someone who wants a very important job. (Kinda like the one we should have done on Donald Trump, #ButHerEmails…)

With Dr. Ford being embraced by the nation as a sympathetic witness, Kavanaugh decided to enter his testimony with brow furrowed, jaw clenched, and eyes full of invisible tears. He alternated between looking like a spoiled brat, whining about crusts not being cut off his PB&J, and someone suffering from the worst dry mouth and seasonal allergies ever. I’m assuming he was trying to convey the emotional rollercoaster he has been on since these allegations surfaced, but the only thing many saw was a privileged white male fake-crying because this girl and her rape trauma were standing in the way of his big promotion. Poor wittle Bwett Bwett.

Mitchell began her line of questioning, but Kavanaugh did not prove to be as willing or cooperative a witness as Dr. Ford. When the Democratic senators had their shot, his agitation and deflection only increased. This was probably evident to the GOP—which is why they suddenly and without announcement decided to dump Mitchell, mid-hearing, and resume the questioning themselves. It was quite the change of course, and to usher it in with proper fanfare, Senator Lindsey “I wanna be Francis Underwood so bad” Graham decided it was his time to SHINE. And by shine, I mean throw a nonsensical hissy fit that would rival a Real Housewife.

Lindsey came out BIG MAD. He wanted the world to know. He had to let it show. It was also the cue for the rest of the GOP committee members to fall in line. Questioning Kavanaugh magically and theatrically turned into pacifying Kavanaugh. By the end of their turns, Faux News was spinning this as a major comeback for the GOP. Even after determined Dems like Booker and Harris left him little to no wiggle room, Kavanaugh was still lauded by the right as an honest man being smeared by this rape nonsense. One can safely assume they don’t really care if he did it, they just don’t want it to LOOK LIKE he did it. (Another Spoiler Alert: He still looks guilty AF. Because he is.)

If and when the vote proceeds on Friday, we can only hope that enough people on the right saw through the magician’s distraction and are not easily fooled by sleight of hand. Aside from the fact that Weepy McRapeyBeer does not seem to possess the mental or emotional stability of a supreme court judge—do we REALLY want to put ourselves in a position to have to explain to our daughters how not one, but TWO men accused of sexual assault are literally in charge of laws that affect sexual assailants? How do you make the same mistake twice in a lifetime, America? Oh…wait. White men are still in charge. Got it