Being Dale Sveum

Journey with survivinggrady.com as we venture inside the mind of Dale Sveum during the pivotal ninth inning of last night’s blistering 5-4 loss to the Devil Rays.

Okay. It’s the top of the ninth. Here we go. Anyway, what was I thinking of last inning? Oh, right. Vanilla. I like vanilla. I mean, it’s just so simple and perfect. I really, really like it. Of course, chocolate rocks, too. But vanilla. Man, there’s just something so–hey! Another hit for Kevvy baby. Excellent. Okay. Well, he’s on first, that’s Lynn’s problem. Hey, they’re bringing in that new guy to run. I forget his name. Roberts? Robert something. He’s that fast guy, right? Yeah. Yeah, that’s what they told us in the meeting. Robert’s a fast guy. Okay, well, he’s still on first, so not my problem yet. So. I don’t think I use the phrase “pimp hand” enough. Gotta work that into the next meeting. Alright. Here’s Ment-whatshisname. They should give us cards with the names of all these new players. Or did we get one at the meeting? I can’t recall. I–uh-oh. Passed ball. Robert’s on second. Okay. My problem now. I think, at least. Okay, think. We’re down by one run, nobody out, guy on second. If that run gets in, we’ve tied the game. Okay. Get the run in. That’s what I gotta do. Get the run in. Good God, does that chick in the front row look like Lindsay Lohan. Anyway. Okay. Here we go. I’m gonna clap my hands. Look alive. Why the f–k can’t I find a decent tailor? The drape of my pants hasn’t been right since the mid-80s. Damn. Dale, keep your head in the game. Fight it. Fight it. Okay. I’m back. And holyjeesusgod, that new guy just got a hit. Here comes Robert! Quick access of mental file on the new guy: He’s fast! Yeah, real fast! Okay, run! Run, you fleet-footed bastard! I’m waving my arms like I’m batshit loopers because I want you to RUN! Get your new guy ass home and tie this game and make me proud and enamor yourself to everyone in Boston and prove to The Nation that I’m not as crazed as that Kim nut who used to run guys for the sake of running them, I’m running you because you’re fast and we can tie the game so… HOLY CRAP, that IS Lindsay Lohan! Or is it that other girl with the name like hers? Alison… something. The chick that was in Matchstick Men? Waitaminnit… that Baldelli has a good arm. That is Baldelli in center, right? Uh-oh. Er… slide? Please slide. Please don’t be out. Please. Oof. Wow. Okay. That wasn’t good. No, that was no good. Oh well, Tito will back me up. Yeah. He’ll do it. I know he will. Okay, so. Thank God Mueller’s up. That guy’s on fire. I think. Hey, is Lindsay still here?