The art of smizing… Or not…

Okay, so I apologize sincerely for the delay in this post. First, I tried to post it and for some reason, it only saved up to Luly’s picture. Then, I had major computer trouble. Finally, although I’m sure you’ve all seen the shots already, I have them for you. Sorry about the technical difficulties. This week was NOT my week.

So, let’s just get down to business. I don’t really care what the judges said about the pictures, because let’s face it, they’re stupid. But for the most part, they did okay with their call out this week, save for the elimination and their placement of Forest Whitaker. I don’t give a fuck about whether the girls were smizing because that was pretty much the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of, so these are ranked on how good they are, not how much they squinted.

Best shot of the week, although there were like five that were great is–

Laura-

Look at this girl’s face… She’s like a doll, she’s that beautiful. I have to agree with Tyra (UGH, GOD, WHAT?! *SLAPS SELF*) in that the kicky, vampy vibe to this picture is what really makes it hot. I love the cocked shoulder and the attitude in the right hand… So unlike country bumpkin Laura. It’s a hot picture.

Brittany-

This is another seductive, gorgeous picture. I love how rich and dark her hair is… it’s the first time that I’ve really looked at Brittany and gotten her appeal, to be honest. And that body pose? TO DIEEEE FOR. LC actually said something intelligent when she said that Brittany looks photoshopped onto the horse.

Erin-

This was a really tough call, because I really do think this shot is gorgeous… Her face, all pissed off and angry, looks incredible. Even the albino-ness is working in this picture. I love the way the corners of her mouth are downturned. The arms are a little twisty, but that is offset by the way her candy floss hair blends in with the mane on the horse. Deeeelicious.

Nicole-

There are so many extraordinary things about this picture… Her hair, like Erin’s, is blending in with the horse’s mane but it’s RED!!! ❤ Her face is stunning. She definitely doesn’t look short at all…. In fact, she’s looking stunning. But! I think the melancholy expression isn’t the best approach to the brief, and so that’s really the only reason it’s ranked fourth.

Kara-

I’m happy that Kara was able to tone down the hardness of her face and look this soft for this shot. She looks extremely sexy… Her body is so kickin’… Look at her silky legs! Meow!

Luly-

This is, without a doubt, the prettiest Luly has looked all competition. I think she’s looking extremely flirtatious and cute in this picture… I love the primness of her folded hands mixed with the slouchy poster… It’s very quirky.

Rae-

I love how badass this picture is… Rae’s body pose is AMAZING… And her face is strong… which is perhaps the one flaw in the picture… Her eyes look a little crazed. It’s quirky and weird, which I dig, but it’s a little much. Big eyes are fierce if you’re Allison Harvard or Rachel– =( but not when you’re Anya or Rae.

Courtney-

Biiiiiitch pleeeeease? This isn’t even close to the worst shot of the week. Now seems like a good time to say that I was wrong about her possessing no edge… She looks very sensual and sexy here. There is a general blandness about the shot compared to the ones above, but bad? Not remotely.

Sundae-

Okay, so rest assured…. this shot of Sundae is far from great. The face is actually pretty stupid… She’s doing this weird, pursed expression and her eyes are doing a little Jennifer wonkyness. But! I love her body! Seriously, I don’t care that she’s pint-sized. She’s looking absolutely adorable, body wise, in this shot. I really want to LOVE her pictures though, because she’s sooo cute and infectious. But thus far, she has yet to deliver.

Ashley-

This picture is basically the opposite of Sundae’s, for me. Her face is pretty– again, I see Coryn only softer, but the body is just… blah. She’s basically just standing there, chilling. Not so exciting.

Forest Whitaker-

WONKY EYE WONKY EYE WONKY EYE!!!! Hahahahahah WONKYYYY! Seriously, the pose is just lacking intensity… she’s half-heartedly grasping the rope, and then that closeup… Eeeek. I’m sorry… okay, no I’m not sorry, but that eye is just a distraction and a half.

But Forest’s shot is NOTHING compared to the shitshow that is… Biyanka-

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. GROOOOOOSSSSS. Granted, the shot was probably always going to suck because Tyra has this notion that blonde looks great on a black woman, but JESUS… She looks like she was just served hot dung or something… OY. It’s really just a horrible, horrible picture. Even the body is unsaved by silky skin because she looks uncomfortable. sorry Biyanka. You failed miserably here.

“I don’t give a fuck about whether the girls were smizing because that was pretty much the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of, so these are ranked on how good they are, not how much they squinted.”

HELL YES!

LAURA – MAMMA MIIIIIIIIIIA! If that damn shortass wasn’t there, this would be pretty much perfect. The close up is seven shades of bootyful, eyes, nose lips, hair, purfick skin, that funny thing in her hair! Then the long shot is sooooooooo hot! Like you say, so much attitude ❤ STUPID JOCKEY! This chick is on fiiiiiiiiiire.

BRITTANY – I agree with LC that she looks photoshopped on there, and I don't really like that. For that reason it ain't close to the one above it, but she looks greeeeeeeeat. Sexy and seductive and really vampire-esque in close up, and though I don't like the left arm, I looooooooove what she's doing with her legs in the long shot.

ERIN – I don't really like the close up, though I see what you mean about the close up, that IS pretty cool. LOVE the long shot though, and agree with everything you're saying, the twisty arms, hands, the in turned legs, the blending of the hair and the mane. She's really working with the horse better than the two above her!

NICOLE – OH. MY. BOB. Okay, I had a fewwwwwww issues with her the last time around, but THIS! HUBBA HUBBA! Like Erin, she's reeeeally workin' with the horse…sort of like they're best friends! Lookin' gorgeous in close up, once again, love the blend of hair, and the long shot is so god damn hot. Them hips are ❤ and the right hand ❤ and the floooooooowing hair ❤ I see what you mean about the face, but as we agreed to toss the brief out the effing window, I'd have her neck and neck with Laura in top spot. HMPH. AMANDA HATES NICOOOOOOOOOOLE!

KARA – She still looks vaguely mannish in the face, BUT…I like it! I mean she still looks old and all, but maaaaaaaaan, her body, her hair, all lookin' mighty fiiiine. The face doesn't even bother me in close up that much, just in the long shot.

LULY – Definitely, definitely looks really pretty! But, I do NOT like the slouchy posture, and I really don't think the casual kind look on her face and pose work for this kind of shoot at aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall! YOU'RE NAKED ON THE BACK OF A HORSE, BTICH! SEX IT UP!

RAE – Oh maaaaaaaan. The potential here is through the roooooooof. I really don't like the squished jockey, wish he wasn't there, and I really don't like her face…looks incredibly trashy to me, with the dark eyes, and the buck teeth, visible from a million miles away. But everything else is awesome! The horse is lookin' mighty trendy, her body is amaaaaaazing, her arm is so damn cool, her legs are so damn hot, and the angle they're at shows off a little booty, and she's really workin' the shit out of that hat! DAMN THE FACE AND THE JOCKEY!

COURTNEY – NOT BAD AT ALL! Like you say, it's a little bland, but it's still nice. That stupid thing on her head is unworkable, but she looks awesome otherwise, and she DEFINITELY has a sensual, sexy thing going on in the face. WHY IS SHE GONE?!

SUNDAE – She DOES look short, and the face IS a little boring, but not baaaaaad. But I loooooooooooove the long shot ❤ That bitch is in CHARGE! Left hand is a liddle lazy maybe, but the right hand, the outstretched arms, the leaning pose, and the silky, silky legs. So hot.

ASHLEY – Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Like you say, very pretty face, but what the hell is with the pose…she isn't doing ANYTHING! Still, I like that you can sort of see the twins, but really…how the hell did this get by? And she worked so damn awesome last week.

BUT YOU DID NOT PUH-SUAAAAAAADE ME, NIC-OH-LAS! – Okay, I actually don't mind the long shot, the legs are really stiff and Barbie looking, but above that she's okay, BUT THAT CLOSE UP! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! WONKY EYE, BUCK TEETH AND EVEN HER NOSE LOOKS BENT! AND HOW IN THE HELL IS THAT SMIZING?! SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S ABOUT TO FALL ASLEEP! I'd looooove to say what they had to say about this shit! Didn't you say it was called 3rd?! LOL.

BIYANKA – Okay, the long shot works for me until the left leg which really, really, really just looks stiff and uncomfortable. BUT THE FACE! IT RUINS EVERYTHING! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! COME ON NOW! THAT'S A DUDE! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

First, let me say I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog! Second – when I first saw Bianca with that horrid wig I thought: “hey, what’s RuPaul doing there?”. Now that I’ve seen her close up, it looks more like the baby of Nenna and RuPaul.
Anyways, keep on writing these posts as late as you want – they’re fabulous anyway!