Mel's Book!

Canadian Mama

Dragondreamer's Lair

Feb 2, 2011

Things are SO much better. Thank you for all of your advice and kind words. I'm still pretty confused and scared for Nae but overall things are tons better. I want to write her a letter to get it out of my head and then MOVE ON! I feel like I'm dragging this out and we ALL (especially me) need to move on.

Dear Nae,
Hey sweetie, I know 13 is a rough age, hell ALL ages are, but I can respect that this particular time in your life is pretty rough on you. I get that you are confused about EVERYTHING and you just don't understand why we won't let you do certain things while your other friends' parents let them. Yes, we're more strict, but believe me when I say "it's for your own good". It's not just something stupid us parents or adults say. It is the truth. I want you to fly, baby, I really do, but I want you to be safe! That has always been my goal in life, to make sure you are safe. I can't even begin tell you how much I love you and how much you've changed my life in the 13 years you've been in it.

It kills me that I have to let go and let you learn these lessons, but I know I have too. I know in the end you will be a beautiful (inside and out) woman, but right now, I need you to be kind to yourself. Please, be nice to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a friend. When those nasty thoughts pop into your head about your thighs, tell them to go away. When you feel like running away, remember it IS ok to feel that way, we all do, but it's all temporary. Remember when a boy says "don't you love me?" that love isn't conditional. Love is given freely and opening. It's not a bargaining chip to use to get what you want.

Renee, my beautiful mini me. You are perfect just the way you are! Nothing will ever change how I feel about you. I know this crap we're going through won't be the last time, but I have faith in our family, that we'll get through this. On the other side is a different relationship, it'll be a more even one. One where I'm not telling you what to do all the time. One where we will be more equal. I can't wait to share that with you. I can't wait to share the rest of your life with you.

I love you! Pink says it way better than I ever could...this is for you, love.

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

I LOVE this! What an awesome letter to write to/for your daughter. Nae is very blessed and lucky to have you as her mom! Those years are still a bit of a ways off for me and my kids, but I so appreciate everything you said and there a part of me that was transported back to being 13 when I read it, wishing my mom or someone would have/could have told me some of those things back then... Not that I would have listened necessarily. Anyway, I know I a bit late in reading/commenting, but I really enjoyed it and thank you for sharing. :)

Man. This is such a tough time for girls isn't it? I mean the teenage years in general, the early part 2010's...It sounds like it's been really hard on you - what a sad thing to watch our kids grow up.

Hang in there!

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Welcome

WELCOME! Obviously my parents didn't name me Beautiful Mess, but that has been my nick name since my mom passed away a few years ago. I'm not very good at asking for help, so I always looked "beautiful" on the outside, but was ALWAYS a huge "mess" on the inside Plus it's a song by my future ex love Jason Mraz, fantastic song!

I'm currently in school studying to be a fertility nurse so I can help in any way possible. There is nothing more I want then to see everybody's dream of holding a baby of their own come true.

Thanks for stopping by.*HUGS*

From Heather:

Having a friend like Beautiful is like having your birthday every day. She's the best, most awesome gift you could ever hope to get. If you're lucky enough to count her as an incredible friend.... congratulations!