Changing Ourselves Instead of Our Partners

But to clarify, it’s not that we change to fit their expectations. Quite the contrary. That kind of change betrays who we are. We’re not acting “nice” on top of resentment to please “other.” We’re not conforming to their neurotic demands. Rather, we are using our own triggers, that we think are about the other person, and using them as jet fuel to get more aligned with our own deeper nature.

This kind of self-change is about being more ourselves (i.e. wholeness), more true to us, more connected to what’s actually going on under the surface. The hidden gem in this approach of course is that when we do this, we have more capacity to accept the other just as they are.

Conversely, when some of us feel that level of acceptance by our partner, we naturally change and grow toward our own wholeness, because there’s no longer anything to brace against.

Then, when I’m being true to me (the real me) and you are being true to you (the real you), we can really know whether or not “we” will work.