ANNE MCELVOY: £90,000 isn't enough for a Tory - but it's a huge bonus for Ukip

A bronzed David Cameron returned from holiday this week to find yet another pile of Tory trouble in the No10 in-tray

A bronzed David Cameron returned from holiday this week to find yet another pile of Tory trouble in the No 10 in-tray.

Not only has Mark Simmonds, a Foreign Office Minister, resigned on the threadbare grounds that a £89,435 ministerial salary and allowances strained the family finances, but Mr Simmonds – an erstwhile backer of the PM – wants to throw in the towel in his Boston seat.

Civil servants are now referring to the Foreign Office as the ‘Bermuda Triangle’, seeing that the Simmonds walkout follows Baroness Warsi’s resignation only the previous week.

Ordinarily, an undistinguished parliamentarian quitting in a seat with a 12,000 Tory majority would cause few tears among election planners.

But Boston, where feelings about immigration from eastern Europe run particularly high, is a bull’s-eye target at the election next May for Ukip.

The Faragistes took more than 50 per cent of the vote there in the European elections; their highest total. Well-paid MPs with property portfolios moaning about how tough Westminster is sounds like a gift to the populist Mr Farage. The seat is not as loyally Tory as it looks; it was a hard-fought Labour marginal in 2001 and 1997.

The only cheer for Dave is that the Lincolnshire coast isn’t plain sailing for Nigel Farage either. I’m told his best ‘frenemy’ Neil Hamilton, whose entanglement with Mohammed Al Fayed ended up briefly losing the Tories the safe seat of Tatton, has ‘swung into action’, soliciting Ukip support in Boston while Mr Farage was indulging in his ritual summer fishing holiday.

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But the Ukip leader wants to spend more time allocating the prime Boston seat, dislikes having his hand forced and has been cold-shouldering Mr Hamilton, whom he regards as an unreliable ally with a fondness for the sound of his own voice.

Previous holiday: Cameron, pictured with wife Samantha, has just returned from a 10-day holiday in Portugal

At least the mystery of Nigel’s prime target has been resolved. After what Ukip insiders call a lengthy ‘war for Nigel’s ear’ in east Kent, where he lived until recently, Mr Farage has plumped for South Thanet. That includes Ramsgate, Broadstairs and Sandwich, which may have a posh golf course, but the constituency also contains many poor, former mining villages – a promising seam for Ukip.

Over a large glass of Verdicchio recently (the great Eurosceptic admits to being ‘rather partial to Italian wine – my way of helping them out of the economic doldrums’), Mr Farage confided to me that he was ‘truly torn’ between the two Kent seats.

Well-paid MPs with property portfolios moaning about how tough Westminster is sounds like a gift to the populist Mr Farage (pictured)

He clung on to the prospect of doing battle for Folkestone, a trophy seat once represented by former Tory leader Michael Howard, who still lives locally.

But I hear Verdicchio and pint-quaffing Mr Farage annoyed wavering Tory voters in the area by saying it ‘doesn’t really matter’ which seat he finally ran in.

That sounded cavalier. Now a senior Tory whispers that he may also have been deterred by another factor. Lord Howard’s wife Sandra, the former model and novelist, is well-liked around Folkestone where she is a tireless charity worker. That foothold, senior Tories reckon, would have made it harder for the Farage offensive to bear fruit.

One bit of news for Nigel to toast is that the main organiser of the ‘Stop Ukip’ campaign in Thanet is a shouty Trotskyite called Bunny La Roche, last seen jostling the Ukip leader on the Euro-election campaign trail.

Ms La Roche thinks Nigel will ‘defend the interests of his class’ and revert to looking after bankers. She might have half a point.

Mr Farage tells me: ‘I was a fan of the Big Bang, but my father told me it would put an end to long City lunches. Regrettably, he was right.’

James Forsyth is away.

How are George Osborne’s leadership hopes faring as Boris-the-nearly-MP eyes up the top Tory job?

I
bump into James Osborne, his uncle and former managing director of
Aspinall’s casino. The bright nephew, Uncle James reckons, is still keen
on ‘a crack at the top job’, should events fall out that way.

Any
proof? ‘When he was at school, George changed his first name (from
Gideon) to boost his political appeal. You don’t do that without wanting
to go all the way.’

No
one should under-estimate James’s betting record – he made a tidy pile
at Aspinalls and subsequently ran his own gambling venture in Australia.

A lot depends on the timing of the next Tory race – and Lady Luck.

Stella's on the High Road to greater things

Stella Creasy is being dispatched over the border

Ed Miliband has set his Shadow Cabinet the task of keeping us entertained with speeches throughout the summer. But spare a thought for his 2010 intake.

They have been told to earn their spurs by going to Scotland to give a final burst of energy to the No campaign in next month’s referendum.

I’m told it has lately dawned on sleepy strategists that an independent Scotland would be a disaster for Labour representation at Westminster and that a bit more oomph would be useful. So the more appealing mid-rank members of Team Ed have been dispatched up the High Road.

Putting in a stint in Glasgow in August while the boss is on holiday must surely lead to greater things.

Iraq is on the boil, the Russia-Ukraine crisis heating up again and Gaza simmers. If ever there was a time that David Cameron needed his trusted friend and deputy national security adviser Hugh Powell, it is now.

But in September his fellow Etonian is off, taking leave from the foreign service where he succeeded his father Charles (Margaret Thatcher’s top foreign aide) and uncle Jonathan (Tony Blair’s Chief of Staff). He is following his wife Catherine to Australia where she has taken a big enchilada job with the Disney corporation.

The couple are so close to Dave and Sam that Mr Cameron once helped Mrs Powell negotiate her salary for a previous job offer.

His main role, she told friends, was taking the phone away from her when she was in danger of pushing her luck. If politics goes pear-shaped, Mr Cameron might have a future as a corporate deal-maker.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

‘I’ll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay.’Zelda Williams after her comic actor father Robin committed suicide last week aged 63.

‘Do you think God gets stoned? I think so. Look at the platypus.’Robin Williams in one of his best-known jokes.

‘Apart from my own name, the Transpennine Express is the greatest misnomer of all time.’Ex-Transport Minister Lord Adonis isn’t impressed by the rail service.

‘I have a fiance who would put a gun to my head if I touched my face in any way.’

Actress Jennifer Aniston says she will not resort to plastic surgery in an effort to look younger.

‘I am not a sexist. That is why I let my female workers work longer than the men so they make the same money.’Comedian Al Murray during a stand-up routine.

‘Take comfort from the fact that I got a C and two Us. And I have a Mercedes Benz.’Jeremy Clarkson consoles disappointed A-level students.

‘A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.’Bernard Kerrison, of London, in a letter to The Telegraph.

‘They’ll be disguised as tea shops. You’ll take Auntie Doris there and drop her off and she will say, “See you next Tuesday,” and you will say, “Well… possibly.” ’Jeremy Paxman jokes that he plans to set up Dignitas clinics on the high street.

‘Number one got George Clooney. Number two got breast cancer.’Marianne Butler, runner-up to the actor’s fiancee in a poll of hot barristers, shows the humour that helped her face the disease.

‘I can’t help but wonder if I had been called Natalie from Surrey whether the authorities would have pressed terrorism charges against me.’Nawal Msaad, cleared last week of funding terror.