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I have long been influenced by Hitchens and the bravery with which he faced mortality, but maybe, still i am a man of lesser mettle. Maybe i am only human, as the phrase goes.

Can a human, knowing fully well that the universe is not only indifferent, but strikingly random, remain an atheist in the true sense of the word? Can one eliminate the belief that a prayer will tilt the utterly random odds ever just so slightly in our favour? Or an attitude of gratitude instead of entitlement will keep the status quo for as long as possible instead of the inevitable random upheavals in our lives?

Can one, when about to face a moment, which might either maintain the pleasant status quo or, for maybe a short or a long while, alter it unfavourably, never once think – Oh God let it be the good alternative?

Can one have faith in a roll of dice? In probability? In randomness? Can one trust the odds?

Are blessings, given or taken, words or wishes, redundant?

I have a tremendous ability to not worry about something once i know the probable outcomes. A peace generally surrounds me – when something – good or bad – turns inevitable. It’s how i have snapped out whenever melancholy threatened to engulf me, when i was chasing after a delicious rainbow to hold it in my hand for a moment or trying to improve or change things in self and another thinking it was possible. But once i metaphorically ‘come to terms’ with the present or the future, it totally stops bothering me.

The question is, can i take this thinking a step further, a step earlier, maintain the same state of mind when faced with uncertainty of outcome? Can i, not even in my thought, attempt to influence the odds in my favour? Can i ignore Pascal’s Wager for what it is, just a sleight of hand? Can i shake off the cultural belief in karma which impels me to behave the way i do?