This Is Why It’s So Complicated to Recover From an Eating Disorder

It's tempting to think about recovering from an eating disorder as a binary process—someone had a problem but doesn't anymore. However, in reality, recovery is a much longer, more complicated journey than many of us realize. And a Humans of New York photo posted this week perfectly captures the need to accept all the ups and downs inherent in that experience.

"My first time was October 18th, 2013. I was a freshman in college. I was alone in my dorm room and I’d just eaten a bunch of Halloween candy. So I purged it," the post reads. "I felt great afterward. I thought I’d discovered a new tool. It seemed like a way to stop gaining weight." From there, the subject explains that she began to purge more and more often over the course of five months. "I lost all power over it," she says. "I was dizzy and depressed all the time. I couldn’t focus in class or go out with friends."

But the more she began talking about her experience, she says, the easier it was to regain control. "The eating disorder lost its power when it stopped being a secret."

However, that's not where the story ends: "A few weeks ago I had a relapse. It was the first time in months," she says. "Even though I was disappointed, I reminded myself that it wasn’t the end of the world. I haven’t lost all the progress I’ve made over the past four years."

In fact, this is one of the most important and subtle aspects of recovery: For many people, it's not a single decision but rather a process that ebbs and flows. According to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), "Typically, recovery does not happen once, but takes place over years of mindful application of the lessons learned in treatment."

That means that the way you care for yourself after a relapse is far more crucial for your recovery than the relapse itself. In fact, "relapse is a natural part of the recovery process," NEDA says. The best way to move forward is to first seek professional help, remember that a "relapse does not mean failure," and recognize that this is often a long, gradual process.