Maybe PPD?

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happy_phantom120 wrote:

I knew I was high risk for PPD before I gave birth due to a history of depression and anxiety, not to mention I got pregnant when I was just pulling myself out PPD from my last pregnancy. With my last pregnancy it was really bad and very obvious to me that I had PPD. I can say I went through a very difficult time after this pregnancy, but it has gotten better. After this baby was born, I didn't feel the immediate connection and overwhelming love that I felt with my other three. It was very scary to me. It took weeks for me to feel that overwhelming love. However, there are still times I feel like my feelings are shut off to him. I'm 7 weeks pp now. Sometimes I fantasize death, but I don't want to tell anyone because they may think I am crazy and act on it. I'm not going to. I couldn't do that to my kids. I'm afraid to say it even on here. I am too overwhelmed to see a counselor as I am technically on maternity leave, but I'm still working 20 hours or so at home and trying to find time to workout (I have barely lost any baby weight and it makes everything so much worse), which I know really helps with my mood. Its hard enough to find time for those things, let alone to find a babysitter to go to therapy. Art is very therapeutic for me and I am trying to find time after the kids go to bed to do that. I don't really know what the point of my post is, I think I just needed to get it out.

Postpartum Depression (PPD) | What to Expect Having a baby is a life-changing event that rocks your world. And no matter how excited you are to finally get to know that tiny newborn that you fantasized about throughout your pregnancy, you’re also...

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