Freeing the voices in my head

Posts tagged ‘pagan’

Before I get into what may be a rambling, confusing blog for some, let me define a few things: I hate labels, but others find labels comforting. A label lets them pop me into a definite spot in their relations with me. So, I call myself an energy-worker or a spiritualist. Others call me a witch. No matter, it’s all good as far as I’m concerned, and none of it really fits.

I’m a catalyst. The definition of catalyst is: 1. a substance that causes or speeds a chemical reaction without itself being affected. 2. anything that precipitates an event.

I’m definition number two. An odd pattern became noticeable as I traveled the journey of energy-work. The first time I would do a spell, ritual, meditation, drum walk, etc. it would be great. I’d get wonderful results. If I tried it again, it would fail. Within a week or a month, I’d meet someone or someone in my energy circle (we called it a circle instead of a coven, since a few of my darlings didn’t want to be labeled witches) would ask about the particular working I’d just done. And, ping! – the light would go on. I’d pass the info along or do the working with my friend and there you go, they’d have it, it was learned. And working with me, made it easier for them.

Once the torch (so to speak) was passed, I could again do the working with positive results. Those were small changes, though, and fun. Learning, discovering, sharing, is always fun. To me, all energy work is fun, and when it benefited others; ah, that was the best!

I also learned a bit about quantum physics, quantum mechanics, and how quantum energy worked with metaphysics and regular energy-work. The definition of quantum is: 1. quantity or amount. 2. Physics. a very small, indivisible quantity of energy. 3. sudden and significant : a quantum increase in productivity.

I always knew I was highly empathic, able to feel or sense the emotions and pain of others. Maybe it became honed on its own because of my childhood – when you live with cross-addicted and abusive people, it helps to sense their mood immediately. Those few seconds of extra sensing would allow me to decide if I needed to run, hide, or silently obey. It was a useful gift, and also a curse. Sitting in the Emergency Room to pick up my mom after work was a confusing trip inside me – I could “feel” everyone’s aches and pains. The woman in labor on the chair opposite me – yep, I’d get cramps. The guy with the broken foot, indeed, my own foot would flare into an ache.

I had no mentor or teacher then, no idea how to control or shield, and, again, I think that household inadvertently trained me. It’s a fact that when people live or work together, they “mesh” to a degree. Female co-workers suddenly realize their menses have synchronized; if one person in a house is broadcasting high emotion, everyone else will begin to feel the same way. Humans are all empaths, in varying degrees. We can put ourselves in the other person’s shoes; empathy allows us to feel compassion and mercy toward others.

But the gift of metaphysical empathy, talented empathy, takes it to the quantum level. Meta-empaths go beyond just feeling the normal range from others. A meta-empath can reach through anyone’s natural mental and metaphysical shield to sense exactly what the other person is feeling or touch a person exactly where they are hurting. A trained meta-path can take that negative energy into her hand, without absorbing it into herself, and flick it away, making her subject feel better. She can manifest a sudden and significant change in her subject.

And yes, even so-called normal humans, untrained humans, have a natural shield. If you don’t want someone – even a trained psychic or meta-physician – scanning you, if you don’t want them in, sharing your energy or “reading your mind,” they can’t get in. Everyone is psychic in some way, and Nature gave us natural barriers against unwanted intrusion – probably to keep us from going crazy.

But if you want help, if you are broadcasting a need, a meta can help you and you will let them in. Again, we all do it, in small, untrained, ways. The lady who gives everyone, including strangers, hugs – yep, she’s sharing her happy or soothing or motherly energy with you. It’s a surface thing; it rarely goes deeper into your psyche, but, admit it, it does make you feel better.

Now take that small normal human touch and train it. Strengthen it, focus it. Now you’re sending quantum energy out, and in.

My younger untrained self needed a defense against all that and against the negative emotion in my childhood home, so my natural shield became stronger. Once I started studying, and especially when I found a mentor, I learned control and focus and how to assist others without invading their energy. I’m a diagnostic meta-path – I can sense something’s wrong inside you. I can touch you and find old injuries, dark spots, stopped energy. I won’t give a definite diagnosis; in fact, I just say, “Go to a doctor and get a check up.” I’m not a healer, even though my gentle surface tissue massage will make you feel better. All I do with that is help your body re-learn how to heal itself, unblock a minor flow, so your body can remember it can heal anything on its own. It’s not really a massage; it’s a stroking along your energy flow, boosting it a little, so you’ll feel better (and stop making my hands tingle!).

Now, throw the energy catalyst into that mix and, wham! When I’m “on,” I plunge right through shields, even a trained psychic’s shields. My spirit-brother described it this way, shortly after we met: “I have a very strong shield, no one gets in, but you just dove through it and found my soul. How?”

I was so embarrassed; it’s such a no-no to invade someone like that! I apologized and tried to explain. He assured me it was all right, saying, “It felt good. It was like a burst of Light.” Oh, geeze, more blushing on my part. Then he asked, “What is it like? What did you see?”

Now, I don’t “see” auras (aurae?); I leave that to my son. No, to me, everyone is energy, and, sometimes, I’ll see colors. So, I told him he had a lot of blue with some orange and red in his energy, that he had a “good” soul, a long soul (I said “old” back then, but Time is an Illusion, so old isn’t the proper definition – long fits better.).

A few days later, he asked me, “What did you do?”

Do? I hadn’t done anything, just peeked at his soul. Brad told me he felt lighter and his psychic sense was stronger. Curious, he let me check his energy. Sure enough, the catalyst gift had kicked in and his molecular vibrational frequency had gone up a couple of levels.

Yes, Magic and/or psychic work is a science (and so is prayer). It’s the science of manipulating energy with focused intent to bring about desired results. Just because our technology isn’t advanced enough to consistently measure and record it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Hey, no one believed in quantum physics until a few years ago!

We are all just energy in different densities and different forms. Our molecules vibrate at different frequencies, holding us together, shaping us, and the physical aspects of everything in the world. When a catalyst comes along (and they’re rare, so don’t expect your local psychic or medium to be able to do this), she can go in, mesh her energy with yours, and bring you up – increase your vibration – to another level. What does this do? Well, it increases your ability to use your psychic gifts, and it opens psychic gifts in some.

And, it can be used and exploited. I had a friend who was already a trained meta-physician. Unknown to me (and, yes, I’m too naive and trusting as an energy-worker), she was interested in power, controlling others, doing workings to benefit her at the cost of others (all of which I found out later, and only because my kids warned me – I’ve learned to listen and obey when my kids and pets don’t like someone – they are very good “readers” of people!). She insisted I “turn on” and raise her frequency very high in one session. I thought I was helping her, and I did, but it was wrong. She had found an easy way to level up, instead of doing the work herself. She was a psychic energy-vampire and almost sucked us both up to a level the human body needs decades to reach.

I knew it was wrong and brought us out of it. I felt awful, sick, dizzy, shaking. And the visions, woof, that level, that Dimension was not a good place for human energy to visit without an invitation. Now, that’s how I knew it was wrong. Energy-work, catalyst work, even channeling (yep, I’m a Voice Vessel, too, a medium, a channel, whatever, ‘cept I don’t get dead humans speaking through me, oh no, I get Higher Level Energy Entities…oh, joy.) – after any meta working, I usually feel upbeat, jazzed, energetic myself. Not this time. She had pulled me beyond where we should have gone without decades of frequency work. I wouldn’t touch her after that and made sure to control any catalyst urges around her, but I still hadn’t learned my lesson. I still hadn’t kicked her out of our circle.

Fortunately, the next time she tried something, a Great One stepped in. I was doing a Tarot Card reading for her. She wanted clarification, she wanted more. She looked me in the eye and demanded, “Channel my patron goddess. I command Isis to speak to me.” Oh no, no, no, human!

First of all, while I’m a mostly conscious channel, I have no control over Who comes through me to visit. Usually, it’s my sweet She-Who-Laughs (I suspect She is Bast, but She won’t give a Name. She said, “What need of a Name when One is Energy?”), and, usually, I need to take my two or three cleansing breaths to sink into alpha trance and let one of Them through.

Secondly, you do NOT command any of these higher level entities, great ones, gods, whatevers. Human arrogance; we have it in spades and it’s our downfall. No human is a high enough level to command or demand or manipulate these higher beings. We can pray, ask, hope, yes, but order Them about like lackies, um, no, not gonna happen.

So, one second I’m sitting there aghast at her order, the next second, I’m cowering down deep in my body as an enraged Great Female took over. I don’t remember exactly what She said to my ex-friend. I do remember She stood up, threw the Tarot Cards in the woman’s face and shouted something like, “You Dare?! This, none of this matters. YOU do not matter. Never again.” BOOM! Like a thunderclap of Power surging through me, my house, that ex-friend. My throat was sore for days. And that friend? She never called me or anyone in our circle again. We later found out her life and her psychic gifts went downhill from there.

Yep, Karma (or perhaps, Isis) is a bitch when you fuck with Her.

Whoa, okay, this ran much longer than I meant. I just wanted to answer a friend’s question about my personal energy-workings. I haven’t even touched on another friend’s question about my “group” soul. I’ll save that for later.

I hope you enjoyed these snippets, and aren’t too confused! Feel free to post questions and your own stories. Let’s Explore this Journey further! 🙂