(The scene opens with Sephiroth, sitting in an inflatable chair under a
bridge. He is holding a small white package)
Sephiroth:(Wiping away a tear) I can't do it anymore... nothing goes my
way... CLOUD ALWAYS KICKS MY @$$!!!!!!! And it all because of this damn
thing!! (Holds up the package) DAMN YOU CAIT SITH AND THESE DAMNED
INSTANT PLOT DEVICES!!!!!! (Just add water) You and Cloud are driving me
insane... well, no more than I already was... BUT ANYWAY!!!!!!! (Sets
the INSTANT PLOT DEVICE on fire)
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BURN, BABY,
BURN!!!!!! (Unzips his pants and pisses on the roaring flame)
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Starts giggling like a
school girl. Looks down at the wet ashes, and puts his... "member" away)
What's that? (Sees a white piece of laminated paper in the ashes. It
reads:
***WARNING***
DO NOT SET INSTANT PLOT DEVICE ON FIRE AND PISS ON ASHES.
WEIRD S**T WILL HAPPEN!
Sephiroth: Oh.... great.... (A white light envelops the planet as the
device works
it's magic)

(Later, in Tifa's seventh heaven)
Voice in Tifa's head: Tifa...
Tifa: Hey, voice! You're in the wrong head! Cloud's in the basement...
(Rolls over)
Voice: DAMMIT, TIFA!!!!! I'm here to speak to you.
Tifa: Sit on it and rotate, voice.
Voice: I just wanted to warn you...
Tifa: SHUT IT!!!!
Voice: But I...
Tifa: I said, SHUT IT!!!!!
Voice: But...
Tifa: Listen to me, voice! (Starts speaking slow as if she were talking
to a child... or an idiot) SHUT.... IT.... EXCLAMATION POINT...
Voice: Fine, b***h! But I won't let you back into your dream! WAKE
UP!!!!!!
Tifa:(Jolts awake) I was just about to kiss Cloud, too!
Voice: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Barret:(Runs into Tifa's room in a pink tutu and bra) Goodmorning, Tifa!
(Starts dancing "Swan Lake")
Tifa: Barret?!
Barret: Call me Diva Delicious! (Continues dancing)
Tifa: Barret!! What the f**k is wrong with you?!
Barret: Please! No cussing! You'll hurt my sensitive ears...
Tifa: (Thinking to herself) Barret's wearing a bra! I've NEVER worn a
bra. Does that make me a slut? NAH!!!!!
Marlene:(Busts in wearing a black dress and smoking a fat cigar) Shut
yer piehole, d**k-head!
Barret: Oh, Marlene! You're such a cad! Hohohoho!!! Oh me, oh my! (Looks
at his pink, Barbie watch) I'm late for my appointment! (Dances out)
Tifa: I must be dreaming!
Marlene: Hey, Teef! I was wonderin'? Do you have a skimpy skirt that I
cou' barro?
Tifa: Aren't you a little young?
Marlene: Nah!
Tifa:(Just realizes she still in her lingerie that she slept in) GET THE
HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!!!!
Marlene: Aight. Wateva! (Slowly leaves)
Tifa: God! What the hell happened to them? Did they get into Cid's crack
supply again? (Dresses herself) CLOUD!!!!! (Busts open her door)
Red XIII: Quack! Quack! (Runs down the hall)
Tifa: What the?!
Yuffie: Hello, Tifa! I trust you slept well.
Tifa: Uh, yeah, Yuffie.
Yuffie: Oh good! I'm so glad you're well! Is there anything I can do for
you?
Tifa: No, Yuffie.... thanks for offering...
Yuffie: Oh think nothing of it! I feel it's my duty to be as helpful as
possible! Bye! (Skips away)
Tifa:(Eyes still wide open) HOLY..... (Collapses on the floor) I think
I'm having a nervous break down!
Vincent:(Walks up to Tifa) I just flew in from Nibelhiem, and boy are my
arms tired! (Ba-doom! Ching!)
Tifa: Vincent?
Vincent: Hi, Tifa! Have you ever heard the one about...
Tifa: Have you seen Cloud?
Vincent: But I was about...
Tifa: WHERE'S CLOUD?!?!
Vincent: I saw him walking down the street. He said he hadn't had a bite
all day... SO I BIT HIM!!!!!!! (Ba-doom! Ching!)
Tifa:(B***h slaps Vincent)
Vincent: Ooooh! Feisty!!!!
Tifa:(Slaps him again)
Vincent: I think I'll... go over there...
Tifa: Must... get... help...
Cid: Hey, Tifa? What the f**k's your problem?
Tifa: CID!!! You're still sane!!
Cid: Huh? What in the hell are you talkin' about?
Tifa: It's just that... Barret's a ballerina... Marlene's a slut... Red
XIII's a duck... Yuffie's nice... Vincent's telling bad jokes... What's
going on?
Cid: I dunno?! Wanna watch T.V.?
Tifa: Sure.... (Grabs the remote and changes the channel to the Dukes of
Hazzard)
Cid: The Dukes of Hazzard?! What the hell?!?! Why'd you put it on such a
horrible T.V. show?!?!? (Changes the channel to CNN)
Tifa: Cid? You sick? Want a cigarette?
Cid: How dare you offer me one of those cancer sticks?! You trying to
kill me?!?!
Tifa: You need to calm down, Cid. You need some tea!
Cid: TEA?!?!?! (Pukes all over Red XIII)
Red XIII:(Looks vacantly at Cid) Mooooooooooooo!!!!!!! (Runs away)
Tifa:(Screams at the top of her lungs) CLOUD!!!!! (Runs around the bar
looking for Cloud)
Aeris:(Seeing Tifa running by) Tifa?
Tifa:(Skids to a halt) Aeris?
Aeris: Hey, Tifa. Wassup?
Tifa: Aeris? Have you seen Cloud?
Aeris:(Voice slurred) Clo...hic! No... fraid not... hic!
Tifa: You feeling alright?
Aeris: Neeeee... ver bett... hic.... ur.....
Tifa: AERIS?!?!?! Have you been drinking?
Aeris: Only bout ev rye kinda alkahol.... hic.... noon ta man.... hic!
Tifa: WHAT IN THE HELLS HAPPENED TO EVERYONE?!?!?!?!?!
Aeris: Yousa be shouten... hic... ta mooch... hic!
Tifa: I must find Cloud!!! (Goes up the pinball machine elevator and
runs around the bar some more, looking for Cloud)
Cloud: (voice from outside) I AM THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!!!
Tifa: Huh? (runs outside to find Cloud on the roof in his boxer shorts,
twirling his giant @$$ sword around) Cloud what are you doing?!
Cloud: (raises his sword up high) That which adds to the knowledge of…I
am becoming one with the Planet!!!
Tifa: Cloud what's wrong with you?!
Cloud: I AM EEENVIIIICIIIBLEEEE!!!!!!! I'M SEPHIROTH'S WORST NIGHTMARE!
I CAN EVEN FLY NOW TOO!! WATCH THIS, TIFA! (jumps off the roof and
impales himself on his own sword) I…can't…die…I…am….INVINCIBLE!!!!!
Mwahahahahahhaha…ha…ha…croak..
Tifa: CLOUD!!!!!!! OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Aeris: (from inside) BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRP!

Voice: Tifa wake up!
Tifa: I'm dreaming?
Voice: No s**t Sherlock! Would I tell you to wake up if you were awake?
Tifa: It didn't stop you with Cloud…
Cloud: (shaking her) Tifa…Tifa wake up…
Tifa: ugh!? (finds herself back in the bar on the floor)
Cloud: You had to much to drink again and passed out, you lush! Are you
alright? You sounded like you were having a nightmare…
Tifa: Oh Cloud! I'm so glad you're not dead! I was in a different
place, and you were there, and so were you, and Auntie Em and little
Toto and I had to click my heels together to…waitaminute that's just
some stupid movie I saw on network television!
Barret: (waltzes in an even BRIGHTER pink tutu and no bra) Morning, all!
Tifa: (shakes her head in dis-belief) Barret…..?
Barret: Please, gentle Tifa! My preferred nomenclature is Diva
Delicious!
Tifa: I think… I did drink… a bit too much……
Barret: But Tifa, there is no alcohol here!
Tifa: This is my bar!
Barret: Yes, your JUICE bar!
Tifa: Why'd I open a gay @$$ thing like that?!
Barret: So you could feel lively, and pretty…. Like me….
Tifa: (In head) Dear God… I feel a musical number coming on….
Barret: (Singing in a perfectly in-tune voice… that IS weird s**t!!) I
feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and GAY!!!!
Cloud: (Aside) Especially the gay part….
Barret: And I pity, any girl who isn't me TODAY!!!!! (Thank goodness the
song's done)
Tifa: I WASN'T DREAMING!!!!!! MY NIGHTMARES CAME TRUE!!!!!! (Runs
screaming into the streets)
Cloud: That was weird…. Nice song, by the way.
Barret: Why, thank you! (Curtsies)
Tifa: (Running up and down the slums in her bath robe) THEY'VE LOST
IT!!!!!! THEY'VE ALL LOST THEIR F**KING MINDS!!!!!!!
Cait Sith: (Flying overhead)
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll
destroy them all!!!! I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOULS!!!!!!!!! (Lands in front of
Tifa for some stupid reason) Good morning…. HUMAN SCUM!!!!
Tifa: Cait?! What's wron… oh, yeah! Everyone's crazy….
Cait Sith: I AM THE LONE MOOGLE RIDING FELINE OF THE APOCALYPSE!!!!!
THINK OF ME WHEN YOU LOOK TO THE NIGHT SKY!!!!!!
Tifa: ….or not….?
Cait Sith: Insolent wench!!! YOU DOUBT MY POWER?!?!?!?!?!
Tifa: Yeah, yeah… I don't have time for this… Do you know where the
nearest mental institution is?
Cait Sith: I have no time for the troubles of a being such as you! I
must prepare for my global conquest! I shall be the last living being on
this whole, puny planet! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Flys away in an extremely cool and evil manner. Eat your heart out,
Sephiroth!!!!)

(Speaking of Sephy… let's see what the dips**t's up to, shall we?)
Sephiroth: (Skipping through the streets of Nibelhiem) La la la!!!! I
love to do good, and help others! Oh look, a cat is stuck in a tree!
(Flies up and gets the cat) Hello pretty kitty!
Cat: (Roars like a pissed off lion. Slashes Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: (Blood trickling down his face… or more like GUSHING down his
face) What a naughty kitty. No milk for you, puss-puss!
Cat: (Bites Sephiroth's nuts then scampers off)
Sephiroth: Oh, well! I believe I should go to the mansion and prepare
for Diva Delicious' arrival! Tra la la!!!! (Skips off)

(Meanwhile, somewhere in the world)
Stupid @$$ Sephiroth clone: (Wandering aimlessly) …. Se…phi…roth…
having… sex… get pregnant… Re…union…. Mooooooo…. Crap…. Booty…. Green
poop… Jenova…. Have to pee… (Farts) Just… broke wind…. Heeee…. Heee….
(Okay……?)
Clone: I… feel pretty….
(NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Meanwhile, in a Therapist's office)
Tifa: (Lying on a couch) … and it all started when I was a little girl.
All I ever wanted was a pink pony for Christmas. Every year I'd write
Santa a letter asking for a pink pony… a pretty pink pony for Christmas…
but Santa never left me one… THAT BASTARD!!! I left him PILES of my
favorite cookies, and the fat @$$ ate every last one of them! He drank
my milk, my water, EVEN MY BEER and never was there a pink pony UNDER MY
GODDAMMED TREE!!!!!
Therapist: It's okay to be angry, Tifa….
Tifa: I only got those damned Barbie dolls…. I even wanted to be Barbie.
IT'S THAT SANTA BASTARD'S FAULT MY BOOBS ARE SO HUGE!!!!! YOU KNOW HOW
BAD MY BACK HURTS?!?!?!?! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!
Therapist: Calm down…
Tifa: Shut it, whore!
Therapist: But..
Tifa: Whore! I said SHUT IT!!!
Therapist: I'm just saying…
Tifa: Look me in the eyes, Whore!
Therapist: But…
Tifa: Look at me…
Therapist: ... I…
Tifa: Whore, look at me…
Therapist: … was…
Tifa: SHUT IT!!! (B***h slaps him) NOW! Where's that Santa @$$hole?!
(Storms out)

(Meanwhile, the Turks are getting drunk in a bar… some things never
change)
Elena: I still have hair on my chest! See, I have more hair on my chest
than Reno!
Tseng: (Does a spit take)
Reno: Elena, you talk too much!
Elena: That's what you always say! Why?
Reno: Because it's my job…
Rude: (Raises the roof) Hee…
Elena: So it's your job to be an @$$hole?
Tseng: Yes! It's in the Turks contract! Remember…
(Here comes a musical number that the authors pulled outta their
collective @$$)
Tseng: We wear rea-lly gay suits…
Reno: We love to suck down booze…
Rude: We've never seen a poot…
All three: WE'RE THE TURKS!!!!
(Gay @$$ snapping is heard in the background)
Tseng: We sing and we dance and we prance all day…
Reno: We're really stupid and we're really gay…
Rude: Kick Reno in the nuts and a hey-hey-hey…
All three: WE'RE THE TURKS!!!
Elena: But you're all jerks!!!
Reno: But hey, it works!!!!
Tseng: (In a deep opratic voice) And we get go-vern-ment
peeeeeeeeeeeeeerks!!!!!!!
All four: WE'RE THE TUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRKSSSSS!!!!!
(Don Corneo jumps in)
Corneo: (In a warbly out of tune, drunken stupor) YOUUUUUUUUU… CAN'T
HIDE YOUR LYIN' EEEEEEEEYEEES…
All Turks: WHAT THE HELL!!!!
Elena: You're ruinin' our song, you lech!!!
Corneo: *Gulp* (Runs away)
Elena: We have to go after him!
Reno: Elena, you talk too much! Now even the booze tastes bad!
*Glugglugglugglugglugglug* Or maybe not….
*Glugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglugglug*
Rude: (Still singing) Oh crap, Reno's drinking too much….. He's gonna
hurl and he's going to retch…. All because Elena's after that lech…..
All four: WE'RE THE TURKS!!!!
Elena: Ohmigod, Reno puked on Tseng's shoe…
Rude: What the hell is he gonna do…
Tseng: My friend Reno, you're sure screwed… (Uppercuts him)
Turks: (Excluding Reno) WE'RE THE TURKS!!!!!
Reno: (Sprawled out on the floor) Damn that hurts!!
Tseng: It's a pain that lurks!!
Elena: (Helps him up) That doesn't work!!
Rude: We already used that word!!
Elena: Who cares, this song bites the big one, anyway!!
Reno: Shut up, Elena! I like this song!!!
Elena: You would, you piece of monkey s**t!!!
Tseng: You're ruining the song!!!
Rude: WE'RE THE TURKS!!!!!
Reno: Dammit, Rude! All four of us are supposed to sing that part!!!!
Rude: D'oh!
Tseng: Let's try again… (Polka music starts to play as all four Turks do
the "Chicken Dance")
Tseng: I can't think of one more verse!!!
Elena: Then I'll beat you with my big red purse!!!
Reno: I wish I could drive a hearse!!!
Rude: Some-thing… blah blah blah… BANANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other three: THAT DOESN'T EVEN RYTHME!!!!!
Rude: WE'RE THE TURKS!!!!
Reno: THAT'S IT!!! (The Turks rumble in a huge dust cloud, as Aeris and
Cloud walk into the bar. Whitney Houston music starts to play)
Aeris: (In frighteningly out of tune voice) And I E I…. Will always love
you…. Oooooo….. oooooo….
Cloud: (Irritated) Shut up, Aeris!
Aeris: Sorry!
(They walk out together and the "musical" number ends… Thank the Lord
our God! Meanwhile, a happy, more charitable Rufus is handing out
presents to orphans on Christmas morning {notice how Christmas creeps up
on ya?} and he is wearing a jolly red Santa suit in a very festive and
giving manner {the authors cringe})
Rufus: Hello little boy! Ho ho ho! Now what would you want for
Christmas?
Little boy #7: A crack pipe!
Scarlet: You called, Rufus?
Rufus: Huh?
Scarlet: You said 'Ho', weren't you calling for me? Did you get tired
of the Honey Bee Inn and finally want a REAL woman like ME? (the
authors go into convulsions)
Little boy #7: What's wrong with the lady, Santa?
Rufus/Santa: She's just a very pathetic, horny b***h little boy…now…go
run off to your mommy!
Little boy #7: What about my crack pipe?
Rufus/Santa: I can't be giving those out, it's against the spirit of
Christmas! Here, have a Blow Job Barbie with Duck and Suck™ action!!
Little boy #7: Does she *really* work Mr. Claus?
Rufus/Santa: (glares at Scarlett) Well it's been keeping me quite busy
without the services of that dirty slut over there, now run along and
become a perverted little creep like me!!
Little boy #7: YAY!!!! (scampers off)
Tifa: (appears atop Rufus/Santa's 'sleigh') SANTA!!! NOW YOU WILL
DIE!!!!!!!
Rufus/Santa: Ho ho…
Tifa: I AM NOT A HO!!! DAMN YOU ALL! JUST BECAUSE I HAVE BIG TITS AND
NO PERSONALITY AND WEAR SKIMPY CLOTHES DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM A HO!!!
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, SANTA CLAUS!!!
Rufus/Santa: Wait! Explain this to me! (gets punched in the gut
*really* hard) Ha! It's only a pillow! (pulls his 'belly' out of the
suit)
Little girl #13: Mommy! What's wrong with Santa?!
Little boy #4: He's not Santa! I told you he wasn't real!!
Children: (moans, groans, and lots of crying and broken little hearts
are heard from the entire plaza)
Rufus/Santa: Wait! Don't leave! I still have lots of little Barbie and
Teletubbie merchandise to get rid of…I mean give to needy children!
Yeah, that's what I meant to say!!
Little boy# 25: Hey man, f**k you!!! Orphans rush 'em!!!
(the orphans rush Rufus and beat the ever living s**t out of him until
there's nothing left but a bloody suit!)
Tifa: Finally my suffering has ended!! Ah, I think I'll go have another
beer…

(Later, in Tifa's Seventh Heaven)
Cid: Everyone… I just want to say… I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!
Barret: Oh, Cid! How touching!
(GROUP HUG!!!!)
Red XIII: Naaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!
Vincent: Look, Red XIII's a horse now! HEY! I just thought of a good
joke! A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks: "Why the long
face?"! (Ba-Doom! Ching!)
All: WE DON'T GET IT!!!!!
Vincent: You see, horse's have long faces. "Why the long face?" GET
IT?!?!
All: No… not really…
Vincent: Alright, try this! Two guys walk into a bar, the third guy
ducks! (Ba-Doom! Ching!)
Cid: DUH?
Vincent: Nevermind… I hate explaining jokes. It ruins the spirit of the
joke!
Cloud: (Rolls eyes) SURE it does…
Aeris: ANYWAY!!!!
Barret: (Begins to dance again) It's so good to see Cloud and Aeris
getting along SOOOOOO well!
Aeris: Well, after all, he IS my bodyguard! (In same, horrible, screechy
Whitney Houston voice) AND I E IIIIIIII…. Will always, love you…..
ooooooo……
Cloud: (Annoyed) Shut up, Aeris!
Aeris: Sorry!
Red XIII: Naaaaaaaaaayy!!!!
Tifa: (Walks in bathed in Rufus' blood) Did I hear a pony? My pretty,
pretty pink pony? (Walks up to Red XIII, near tears) Did my beautiful,
pink pony finally get here? (Hugs Red XIII) My pretty, pretty pink…
Red XIII: Woof! Arf! Ruff, ruff!
Tifa: (Glares at him) You're my PONY!!!!!! ACT LIKE ONE!!!!!
Red XIII: AWOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (Scampers off)
Tifa: (Raises arms to the sky and falls to her knees)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aeris: ANYWAY!!!!
Tifa: (Shaking fists) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: I understand…
Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Cid: We get the point…
Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Barret: I once had a goldfish, and it died, and my parents flushed it
down the toilet. I feel your pain. (Bows it's head)
Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! (Collapses on the floor)
Vincent: Tifa, I'll cheer you up! Did you hear the one about…
Tifa: (Get's up and smirks evilly at Vincent) YOU!!!!
Vincent: Wha?!
Tifa: You scared away my PONY!!!!!!!! (Uppercuts him through the roof) I
HATE MY LIFE!!!!!
Aeris: ANYWAY!!!!
Tifa: No, not anyway, you B***H!!!! (Storms out of the bar)
Aeris: Was it something I said?
Cloud: Don't worry, Aeris! I'm here for you.
Aeris: Oh, Cloud, you are here for me! Because you're my bodyguard!
All: (Cringe)
Aeris: (In… oh, you know) And I…
Cloud: Shut it, Aeris!
Aeris: Sorry, Cloud! You're so sweeeeeeet!!!! (Kisses him)
Cid: WHO'S UP FOR THE WEATHER CHANNEL?!?!?!?!
Barret: ME!!!!!!! (Dances around joyfully)
Cloud & Aeris: (Leave for parts unknown… until they show up somewhere
once again)
Cid: I've always wondered what the weather was like in Australia!

(Red XIII and his new friends talk all night. Meanwhile, Choco Billy and
his daughter/sister/cousin Chole plot the future of the unfortunate
amnesiac beast)
Choco Billy: N'yuck! N'yuck! Y'all gonna get a lickin'!!
Chole: What the Hell is wrong with you?
Choco Billy: I got me an idear!! We gonna breed dat new fella with
Helga and produce a silver chocobo! Dat idiot guy with the spiked hair
will pay us millions of gil for a chocobo that'll take him underwater!
He wants to fight some Alpha Leviathan thing, damned fool kid!
Chole: H'yuck H'yuck H'yuck!
Cloud and Aeris: (making out in the bed of straw and overhear)
Cloud: Damn fool kid, huh? I'll damn fool kid YOU!!!
Aeris: "I'll damn fool kid you"? Is that some kind of threat?
Cloud: Wasn't that intimidating enough for you Aeris? You trying to say
something here?
Aeris: Cloud! I'd never do that to you! After all, you are my
bodyguard…(In shrieking banshee, out of tune, off key, Whitney Houston
voice) AND I E I…WILL ALWAYS….LOVE YOU…OOO….OOO…I WILL
ALWAYS….LOVE….*YOU*…
Cloud: Aeris…?
Aeris: sorry!
Choco Billy: What in tarnation was that goldarn racket?!
Cloud: (jumps out with sword drawn) You are going to breed me a silver
chocobo for free or I'll cut your freakin' head off and I'm not going to
pay you to rent a stable or pay you for greens you will give them to me
or die! Understand?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Which is what Cloud should have done in the game when he
saw how much that shitty old man was charging for a freakin' stable! I
mean c'mon…
Aeris: ANYWAY!
Choco Billy: You shouldn't mate those with one that just mated…Helga
just mated with Chole so…
Cloud: Hey, just because they just screwed doesn't mean they can't screw
again! How do you think porn stars make all that money?!
Aeris: (looks at Red XIII) C'mon, lil chocobo, it's time to go have sex!
Red XIII: (very interested this time) Wark?!
Aeris: No silly, not with me! You cute little devil, you're going to
breed with Helga!
Red XIII: (in disgusted, exasperated tone) Wark…?! (looks over at
Helga, the oldest, most decrepit chocobo in the stable. She's missing
half an eyeball and we're pretty sure she has crabs. She has warts all
over her beak and snot is dripping out of her nose! The warts continue
around her neck and make a B-line straight for her ass, where her
feathers are changing color and falling off. She only has one leg left,
and her wings are frail and covered in mold and her own fecal
material…ah, you guys get the point, doncha? She's not just ugly, she's
oogaly!)
Chocobo #91: All I gots ta say, is youz is naaastae!!!!
Cloud: (glares at choco 91)
Chocobo #91: (innocently) Wark?
Red XIII: (pukes all over Cloud)
Cloud: That was new!
Aeris: C'mon lil chocobo, it's time!
Red XIII: (whimpering, crawls over to Helga)
Helga: C'mon big boy, you know you want it!
Red XIII: (opens his mouth to scream but Cloud tosses a 'nut' between
his jaws)
Choco Billy: Hee hee hee…this is my favorite part!!!!
Aeris: C'mon Cloud, let's leave these two love birds (literally) alone!!
Red XIII: (aside) For the love of God…!!!
(screams of sheer terror are heard throughout the barnyard that night as
Choco Billy and his perverted hencewoman Chole watch the carnage. In
the morning…)
Baby Chocobo: Wookie woo! Wookie woo!
(Victory fanfare music plays)
Choco Billy: Congratulations! You got yourself a new chocobo! And I'll
be damned if the f**king thing isn't silver!!!
Silver Chocobo: (walks over to Red XIII) Dada?
Red XIII: Wark?
Silver Chocobo: Dada!!!
Red XIII: WARK! (continues mauling Helga's bloody remains)
Aeris: Awwwwww! Isn't he just a cutey wootey patootey?!
Cloud: Uh… yeah… sure…
Choco Billy: Let's feed the little critter some greens, hey?
Chole: (Tosses the Silver Chocobo… let's just call him "Booger"…. A few
greens)
Booger: Wookie woo! (Victory fanfare plays)
Choco Billy: Dat varmits getten 'long better, y'all!
Cloud: Alright, on to Alpha Leviathan!
Aeris: … A cute widdle woo woo…
Cloud: Aeris, you feelin' alright?
Aeris: I'm always alright around you, because you're my bodyguard! (You
know the drill) AND I….
Cloud: Shut it!
Aeris: Okay!
Choco Billy: Riding Chocobos? He hehe! Which one y'all gonna take?
Cloud: Which one do you think, dips**t?!
Choco Billy: Helga?
Cloud: (B***h slaps him)
Booger: (Burps)
Aeris: Awwww! He's all burpy!!!!
Cloud: (Glares at her)
(They both ride out on the baby chocobo… who is the same size as an
adult chocobo. Go fig?!)

(Meanwhile…Cloud and Aeris ride Booger down to the former Emerald's
crater to fight Alpha Leviathan)
Cloud: (dismounts Booger) Where art thou, vile creature of darkness?
Aeris: Cloud, are you okay?
Cloud: Yeah, of course!
Aeris: (regarding Booger) You're such an eensy weensy widdle woo woo!
Cloud: Aeris, are you okay?
Aeris: Yeah, I'm always okay around you because…
Cloud: STOP RIGHT THERE!
Aeris: Okay!
Alpha Leviathan: (swims up) You! YOU!
Aeris: Me?
Alpha Leviathan: Not you, Aeris, you can't fight for s**t! I'm talking
to the freak with the messed up hair that is magically still dry even at
the bottom of the ocean! You killed my boyfriend!
Cloud: duh?!
Alpha Leviathan: You killed my Emerald, what did he ever do to you?
Cloud: He was STUPID!!!! That green f**ker was supposed to be sent to
get rid of Sephiroth so what does he do? He tries to kill us instead!
Useless, s**tty imbecile!!!
Alpha Leviathan: HOW DARE YOU MAKE SENSE IN MY PRESENCE?! Anyway…this
all has to stop. All the killing and violence and hatred has to stop.
Here Cloud, just take the Super Nova Materia and all the experience
points. I don't want to fight anymore…
Cloud: (Receiving materia and experience) But…
Alpha Leviathan: Just take your chocobo and go, let the hatred end here.
Cloud and Aeris: (mount Booger and ride him slowly away, looking back
once)
Aeris: Oh, Cloud! You did the right thing, you know…
Cloud: (frowns) I wanted to slice that thing's head off! (turns Booger
around and makes him speed back towards Alpha Leviathan)
Alpha Leviathan: BLEH!!!!
Cloud: (whips out Ultima Weapon and slices her head off) He he…hehehe…Ha
HA HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Aeris: Cloud?!
Cloud: Um…she was trying to trick us and kill us…yeah, that's it!!!
Aeris: Oh Cloud, you're so brave…
Cloud: Heh…

(Meanwhile, Cid is sitting on the couch watching t.v…but it ain't the
Dukes…)
Cid: (starts singing along with the t.v.) We are looking for Blues
Clues…we are looking for Blues Clues…I wonder…where they are…THE CLUE IS
RIGHT THERE!!! SEE THE GIANT BLUE PAWPRINT?! (pulls out his "Handy
Dandy Notebook" and draws a picture of a flashlight)
Vincent: (walks out) What the f**k!?
Cid: I SEE THE SECOND CLUE!!! IT'S ON THE CLOTHESLINE!!! IT'S A
SHEET!!! (draws a picture of the sheet on the second page of his "Handy
Dandy Notebook", turns toward Vincent) What do you think Blue wants to
build with a flashlight and a sheet?
Vincent: I guess we'll just have to find the last clue…(sits down next
to Cid)
Vincent and Cid: (staring vacantly and slack-jawed at the t.v., awaiting
the final clue…a bit of drool escapes from Cid's mouth…)
Cid: JUST SHOW ME THE LAST DAMN CLUE!!! (tears out his hair)
Vincent: (begins to figet and spasm) LOOK! There's the final clue!!!
It's a table!!! (leans over to Cid) Let me draw in the "Handy Dandy
Notebook" this time…PLEASE?!
Cid: Oh, alright…but I get to sit in the thinking chair…
Tifa: (in the background watching the whole thing and laughing her @$$
off)
Vincent: What could Blue want to build with a flashlight, a sheet, and a
table?!
T.V.: A tent!!!
Cid: A TENT!! THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY F**KING SENSE!!! Oh well…(grabs
Vincent's arm and they start dancing around singing) We just figured out
Blues Clues! We just figured out Blues Clues! (Cid hugs Vincent) Thanks
so much for all your help! I couldn't have done it without you,
Vincent!!
Vincent: We'll just have to do it again tomorrow! Same bad time, same
bad channel!!
Tifa: (rolling on the floor laughing hysterically)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Cait was watching Blues Clues, this was an actual Blues
Clues storyline, and I had nothing to do with this. -Cloud

(Meanwhile, in Valhalla, the summon monsters are conversing at 'The
Round Table' which the Knights of the Round dragged all the way to
Odin's palace so they could sit there)
Bahumat ZERO: Alright everyone, this meeting of the Gods is now in
session. (scratches his @$$)
Choco/Mog: We were awakened once again when Nanaki, posing as a Chocobo,
gained access to my materia (Mog adjusts his jockstrap while Choco farts
and then scratches his @$$)
Shiva: God it's hot in here! (scratches her boobs then adjusts her bra)
Ifrit: Hey everyone I gotta go for a second. (scratches his balls)
Neo Bahumat: Why? Have you been summoned? (shoots fireballs from his
arse like William Wallace and then scratches it with a claw)
Ifrit: No, I have to take a s**t! (farts) It's coming out!!!! (runs
out of the Hall)
Titan: (walks in a purple loincloth) Hey you sexy studs! Testify,
girlfriend!
Shiva: (starting to melt) I have never been nor will I ever be your
girlfriend!!
Titan: No, silly! I'm GAY!!! The knight with the axe knows a little
bit about it!
Knight #7: Hee…(rubs his ass)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: YIKES!!!!!
Alexander: ANYWAY!! (scratches his @$$)
(suddenly a bunch of Commie Bastards walk in…)
Commie Bastard # 25: We come to play with Ziv!
Leviathan: blah? (scratches his @$$, quite a feat when you don't have
any appendages)
Bahumat: You want two heavens down from here!
Commie Bastard # 8: Thank you comrades (scratches his @$$ and they
leave)
Kjata: Wait a minute! You just sent them straight to Hell!! (scratches
his @$$ with a hoof)
Bahumat: They're Commies! Of course I sent them to Hell!!! (farts fire)
Odin: You people have no class! (farts loudly) Wow, that was a wet one!
My pants feel all warm! I better change them! (scratches his
eight-legged horse's @$$) Good horsey! (They leave)
Shiva: I'm outta here my boobs are melting! (scratches her @$$ and
leaves)
Alexander: ANYWAY!!
Bahumat ZERO: COULD WE PLEASE GET TO THE POINT OF THE F**KING MEETING?
(farts)
King Arthur: We should accelerate the growth of Sephiroth and Yuffie's
baby so that some plot can be brought to this meaningless story and the
Great Evil™, Yufferoth can be born! Then Cloud and his friends will
have something to do besides sing musical numbers.
Sir Lancelot: Good sir, you always make everything so serious! Must
things always make sense? (Belches loudly while touching himself)
Sir Gawain: (whispers in Arthur's ear) Lancelot slept with your wife!
(lets loose disgusting, wet, sloppy fart)
King Arthur: I'LL KILL YOU YOU SONOFAWHORE!!!!!!!! (whips out Excalibur
and chops off Lancelot's head) Wait that'll grow back! (chops off his
wang, the source of the problem) Much better!!!
Alexander: ANYWAY!!
Sir Gawain: Jesus that thing is small!!!
Alexander: I just "ANYWAY!!"ED!!! Did you hear me!!
Ramuh: ANYWAY!! (scratches his @$$ with his lighting rod and zaps the
s**t out of himself)
Alexander: That's my line f**ker!!! (blasts him) ANYWAY!!
Bahumat ZERO: Alright Alright Alright!!! I'll accerate the growth and
give Cloud and his buddies something to do! They *were* watching Blues
Clues for God's sake!! Meeting adjourned!! (everybody gets up to leave
while Choco shits on the floor)
Choco: Wark!!!
Bahumat ZERO: You really got to train that bird better, Mog! (s**ts in
his throne)
Mog: Yeah…sure…

(Meanwhile, Cloud, Aeris, and Booger make their way to the surface of
the ocean when they are greeted by a school of friendly eels…)
Eel #27: Quaaack! (farts)
Cloud: What the hell?!
Aeris: I'm feeling a little gassy myself… (farts)
Cloud: Oh wonderful…(in announcers voice…) it's Aeris, the flatulent
girlfriend!
Aeris: I love yoouu!!! (farts)
Cloud: (groans) Wait a minute…!
Aeris: It smells like roses! How queer!
Cloud: You're quite talented…
Aeris: (giggles) Why don't I show you how talented I am? (kisses him)
Eel #23: Quaaaack!! (farts)

Meanwhile…Cait Sith is having fun attempting to resolve the problem with
Zack in a dungeon beneath his fortress.
Zack: Green…pooooop… (shakes it around, getting it everywhere and all
over Cait)
Cait: You @$%^!!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!
Yufferoth: (appears out of nowhere) BLEEEH!!!!!!!!!!! (charges at Cait)
Cait: I'll deal with you later! (decks Zack and the poop goes flying
from his hands and into Yufferoth's mouth!)
Yufferoth: Ack! (dies)
Cait: So Yufferoth's weakness must have been…
Henchman #19: Green poop!!! It's like kryptonite or something!!!
Cait: Damn you! I didn't say you could talk!!! (anililates him)
Henchman #19: Where have…all the…flowers gone…(dies)
Zack: Oh Cait thank you! Without the green poop™ I'm human again!
You're the hero of this fanfic!!!
Cait Sith: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm
supposed to be the villain! The VILLAIN!!!!!!!!!!! AHG! GET HIM MY
HENCHMEN!!!!
Henchmen #15: Hey man, f**k you!!!!! Henchmen rush 'em!!!!!!
Zack: Oh S**T!!!!!!!!!!!!! (buys the farm yet again because I hate his
f**king guts in case you failed to notice -Cloud)
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Cloud: Okay Cait, have we put the characters through enough yet?
Cait: Yeah, I think we need to end this crazy @$$ fanfic…but how!?
Kenolymeep: Hey guys!
Cloud: Keno!
Kenolymeep: Ultim! I have an idea for the ending…can I pweease do it?
PWEEEAASE?! (batts eyelashes innocently)
Cloud: Oh what the Hell! What's your idea…? (the authors huddle for
5-10 minutes and the characters find themselves all together in a giant
circle in the middle of Midgar, where it all began…)

Tifa: GOOD LORD I'M GLAD THE INSANITY IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!
Cait Sith: Oh but IT HAS JUST BEGUN!!!!!!!!
Cloud: Ok People, Cait has Officially LOST IT.
Lots of people, from somewhere: Thanks for notifying us, CAPTIAN
OBVIOUS!
Barret: (in a Aeries-just-saw-booger-voice) I thought it was vewy
thoughtfuw...
Tifa: Maybe Cait was right.....
Cait Sith: OF COURSE I WAS RIGHT!!!!!!!!! (slices Bill Gates in half.)
NOTE: WE STILL DONT KNOW WHY BILL GATES IS IN THIS FIC. IF YOU DO,
PLEASE
KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL FOR TRYING TO
FIGURE
IT OUT.
Red XIII: Sup my dawgs?
Tifa: PLEASE NOOOOO!!!!!!
Red XIII: Just playin....
Tifa: Thank God!
Yuffie: How was Cait even gonna take over the world??
Cait: (In Sherlock Holmes voice) Elementary my dear..err annoying
Yuffie.
(Sir Aurthor Conan Doyle turns over in his grave)
Barret: Disco Feva... Dico Feva... Disco Fev... yeah! Yeah! YEAH! YEAH!
Elena: (whining) Not another song......
(macho man starts playing)
Cloud: I gotta be a nacho nacho man...YEAH!
Cait: I've got to be.. A Nacho Man..
St. Anthony's Royal Choir: (In perfect tuned high voice) NACHO NACHO
MAN!!!
Rude: I've got to be, a bald man!!!
Michael Jackson: NACHO NACHO MAN!! OOOWWWWW!
Reno: I've got toooww beee a drunckenn mayannn.. ouuoww (passess out)
Cloud: When I step out..on the floor..
Sephiroth: He starts throwing me, against the door!
Cait: I tried to take o-ver the world!
Tifa: Now I gotta say, PLEASE NO LORD!!!!!
Will Smith: Nacho Nacho Mayan yeah..
Cloud: I've got to be, a nach man...
Vincent: When I hear that funkay tune..
Cid: That plays on Nickelodeooon..
Pilot of Highwind: It goes a little bit like this:

"We Just Figured out blues clues,
We Just Figured out blues clues,
We Just Figured out blues clues,
Cause' We don't have a life, YEAH!"

(Record does that reaaaghhh sound)

Cloud: What the....
(Lights go out, and a spotlight shines on Aeires)
Voice on some intercom from who-knows-where: And the winner for
annoyying,
most off key out of tune Whitney Houston voice goes to....(drum roll)
Aeris
Gainsborough!!!

Aeris: You hate me, you really hate me!!!
All: DOIYY!!!
Aeris: Well, I'd like to sing the little number that got me this
award...
Tifa: Lord, I'm not asking for much, just please, please dont let her
sing-
Aeris: AND IIIIIIIIEIEIEIEIEIEIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILLL ALLLWAYYYSSS
LUUUOOVVVE
YOUUUUUUOOOUUUUU!!!!!! FOREVEEERRRRR AND EVVERRR OOHHHHH.
(there's a rumbling noise)
Will Smith: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen
"The boys": GENTLE??!!
Will Smith: Ok, Ladies and toughmen..except for Barret..
"The Boys"(including Barret): Thats Better!!!
Will: Thanks to Aeris'
super-off-key-out-of--tune-Whitney-Houston-voice,
the fabric of reality cracked and everything will return to normal.
Tifa: I knew my prayer wouldn't be answered!!! THANK YOU GOD!!
Adam Sandler: (riding in on a tractor, chasing after a visible penguin)
COME
BACK HERE PENGUIN!!!!!! (pulls over) Hey, DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE GUM?!
Tifa: I do!! Here! (HANDS HIM SOME GUM)
Adam Sandler: Hey, I feel like a song..
Cid &Vince: Meee tooo..

"WE ARE GONNA PLAY-(interruppted by a new song with tons of people
including
Bill Gates' rich soul. )
NOTE: If you have figured out why Bill Gates is in this fic, please get
help, because your life is messed up more than this fic.

TONS OF PEOPLE: DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE GUM?????
DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE GUM???
CAUSE WE ARE FEELING GLUM...
DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE GUM???
We like to eat lots of grapes.
AND TONS AND TONS AND TONS OF APES!
We really hate apple pie!
And if you dont we'll throw some in your eyyyee...
Do you have anymore GUM?
DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE GUM?
We're feeling like a bunch of dirty bums...
DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE GUM?
I think I'm gonna get me some...
BUT DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE GUM MORE GUM MORE GUM MORE GUM MORE GUM MORE
GUM
MORE GUM MORE GUM MORE GUM ... MORE GUM MORE GUM!!!!!!!!!!!!
Will Smith: I guess I was wrong..oh well..
Tifa: Gimmie that!! (takes the neurolizer and flashes everyone)
Tifa: There!!!!!
Aeris: (wearing cheap, generic, sunglasses.) ANDD
IIIIIIEIEIEIIIIIIIIIIIII
WILLL ALLLWAYYYYYYYSSSS LOOOOOOVE HYOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE
EEEIIIIEIEIEIEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
ALLLWAYYYYYSS
(breath) LLLLOOOOOOOVVE YOUUU.
EVERYONE:
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ah, you get the idea...)