Posts by suspendue_lahaut

I already know these symptoms sound like an allergic reaction... But what I don't get is that with wheat allergy, there's an intolerance to gluten. The bran of the wheat, however, doesn't contain gluten (...or so I've read). I can eat something containing wheat flour, or wheat kernels cooked into porridge.... but crude bran (in it's separated form) causes these symptoms. It can't be your average wheat allergy then, can it?

When I was 5, I had a dream there was a new super-cool-mutant virus spreading all over the world, and it looked like a little cross-eyed cockroach. I got out of home, and saw a gigantic creature, a mix between a T-rex and a cockroach, wearing a skull over it's own head, holding a femur bone, smashing cars and causing traffic. That was the virus, and it was out to 'attack' people all over the world. I woke up shaky and sweaty, but now it just sounds silly:P

Other than that, all my scariest dreams include my father cheating or beating my mom, bugs, religion, and eating disorders.

I've always been very calm, if not a coward... Even confronting younger children, I'd be in flight or freeze mode. I'd be too scared to cause a fight, anger, let alone make someone feel slightly uncomfortable.

But it seems like a year ago I've had some sort of transformation, along with certain (big) changes in my life. Now I'll just bite another human's head off... I honestly feel scared of myself, deep inside I'm still the 'coward', but I don't know what EXACTLY it is that's caused this change in reactions!

Just yesterday I ridiculed a classmate and trash-talked to her for 3 minutes straight for wanting to cheat off a test, two days ago I barked at my mother instead of answering politely, a week ago I punched my 12 y.o cousin in the stomach and hit another 5 year old one. And those were instant reactions. I later regretted them greatly. Really scary.

I don't know where to start from. If mommy says 'just control it'; MOMMY IS WRONG! Sorry for being so blunt, but it's true. My mom told me to just control it. Little did she know the OCD controlled ME. I still have a small part of me that hates her for that.

But this is NO ONE'S fault.

I also live in a country where mental illness is either viewed as something silly and not worth taking care of; or... a crazy schizophrenic trying to kill you. I have an aunt who's struggled with OCD, bipolar disorder, different phobias, disordered eating for thirty five years... eversince she was 15 years old. Family just ignored it. She is now 50, still struggling (though she's doing better after being taken care of!).

FIGHT the stereotypes, and give it your best shot! There ARE people who will understand, and can support both you and your sister for each of your problems, just carefully pick who you chose to tell.

Your parents, however, have to be aware of this. Explain your problems to them. If they don't understand you're both suffering, make them know you are. They're your parents, and WILL eventually offer the best support you can get.

I'm just so so relieved you and your sister are BOTH there for EACH OTHER. You can mutually help one another fight your illnesses.

Try boiling rice with peas, grated carrots, and corn. Add salt, black pepper, cloves, whatever you feel like, leave to cool out. Nice filling for phyllo dough, my mom likes to heat up a few of these for lunch if she's eating alone, and has them with plain yogurt.

Okay, so you fight the ED harder than ever, are in the amazing process of beating it's ass, are actually challenging yourself and setting goals to recover for the long term, not just the short one, are not letting some stupid eating disorder push you around like a wimpy kid that has no willpower... and they make you look like you're so into the ED. Yea, they're dumb.

Original Post by partyring: your body is 'low' compared to before and wernt you at one point 1500? hunny, boom the calories up and you'll be getting better after a few days. your body is telling you soething..xxx

Nicely phrased! You were eating more calories. Now you're having less. Now you're even more lighteheaded/ cold. You do the math :)

People who read my posts know that I love offal and raw meat. Rice-stuffed tripes during winter, used to like sheep tongues but not anymore, a childhood favorite used to be sheep brain sandwiches (...with a lemon squeezed over), liver, etc... Oh, and, "kibbeh nayye" is a staple here. Basically, it's raw minced meat mixed very well with parsley, bulgur, spices, and drizzled with olive oil.

(Btw, I'm from Lebanon)

One question though... does anyone else fry sardines or sweeten their milk? I hear people say we're the only ones on Earth who do that. Just curious

VERY normal when your body isn't/hasn't been getting all the food and care it wants for some time. It can go away, of course, and you know how to do it ;) It's because of poor blood circulation, it will change the color of your skin, make you numb, light headed, make your limbs freeze, and even blur your vision... In a second!

I noticed these problems needed a while to go away though. So you don't just have to eat; there has to be consistency. Because if I happened to slip and restrict one day (but not go below 2000!) the next day I was cold and the blue tinge returned to my legs! Hah, now I can finally fold my legs and not get up all numb. That took the longest to get better :)

Time doesn't run out, it is infinite; patience is letting time flow. Patience shouldn't run out... we just tend to get cranky too soon :P

I've never had BDD either, never thought I was fat/bad looking in particular. But we're still overachievers and perfectionists that WILL randomly pick at the slightest imperfections. So while you may not think you're fat; you'll just see your stomach has gotten bigger than before, feel bothered by the fact that you were once able to have a smaller stomach, and think it's now your 'duty' to do overachieve your latest accomplishment. Just saying.. at least I know this applied to me greatly.

I totally understand you on feeling unstable some days. If you can embrace your food belly light-heartdely, take advantage of it. If you can't, avoid feelings of frustration by not forcing yourself to, but you'll be doin it later cause it's too funny :P

About the calories, it's great you're aiming at a minimum of 2.5K, but after becoming weight restored, seeing changes in weight, messing around a lot with my calories, and finally seeing that I can maintain my weight on OVER 3K cals... Mmm.. I definitely encourage going over 3K.

But that's just what my body can maintain on. Ever thought about how much you ate pre-ED? For most people (not just teens), I noticed they eat an average of 3K, (men and women and teens and adults all thrown in and combined), the lowest being 2500 calories, and highest I estimated being my athletic 22 year old brother (Can reach 6 K a day, not kidding). It might have to do with my country's diet, which has been followed for generations, and our metabolisms might have adapted to it... Or maybe people just need more food than what broscience magazines and pseudo-dietitians say.

Got a bit off-topic up there^ Anyway, whatever you ate pre-ED, eat MORE than THAT to gain, even MORE to repair. That's the 'number' I think you should push for :P

You've got to wait to fully recover ;P I still consider myself to be in the process of recovering. I don't ever say I've "recovered". But my thoughts and behaviors are no-freakin-where they once used to be. Patience is...boring, but worth it, right?

About the weight redistribution... Happens slowly, but surely. Fat does start laying around your body unevenly, but others really won't notice. Plus, most ED patients have a twisted way of seeing themselves, so the fat's location is not something to really be concerned with! Anyway, mine started laying mostly on the upper part of my stomach area, and especially right above the knee caps. My knees were still bony though; still had no boobs or butt. I don't remember exactly, but about 10 months after having started gaining, I noticed some of the fat was looking more even; chest was getting bigger, butt and knees are fuller than before, but still need some time! Same for the stomach. But there definitely is a difference I can see!

And the "food baby" look! When I started recovery, I used to hold it and jokingly tell my brother I loved it and was going to take care of it *Happy memories. Off-topic.* If it's getting colder where you live, opt for big soft cozy sweaters and jackets. Those are comfy, warm, and help you feel less awkward. They even made me stop "mentally feeling" how big my stomach was, because nothing was wrapped tightly against it.

Now you're going to cringe reading the following, but really... embrace the food baby! I sometimes joked with close friends about it, no one cared that I had a big belly; they simply enjoyed being around me when I ate. We laughed about it; and even though at first I'd secretly get paranoid and get watery eyes, later on I just let go, didn't let it bother me. And the belly went away afterwards; so I didn't have to stress every second while it disappeared. There was no more standing in front of a mirror smashing the poor belly with my fist and yelling at myself, I willingly turned it into something "cool", and the worries all went away. Might feel good when you're less bloated, but it feels amazing when there's nothing worrying you (even if your stomach is about to burst open!).

Definitely! At first, it took me a while to be able to have an entire bowl of instant soup without feeling like I'm on the verge of having my stomach rupture... Now I'll chug half a liter of coffee and still want more. My stomach doesn't even bulge O_O... Not that I'm encouraging anyone to try that, but, you get the point! :P You said it yourself, you have to ride the tide :)

First, I like Beyonce Knowles' body! I don't read magazines about stars and stuff, it's really boring. But I've always admired her singing... So yea, people say she's "bootylicious" and all :P But you know she's the type that will keep on working and producing EVEN if she doesn't stay as fit as she is now! Anyway, she's a beautiful and talented woman, you know she's smart through the interviews she gives, and you can see her eating real food any time of the day! I suppose she's one of the few in Hollywood who are able to carry children without artificial fertilization... And I admire that!

But the people I really admire are the normal, every day people around me. They just DON'T CARE. This girl in my class was being told she'll get fat if she keeps eating so many croissants... She said she's too pretty for anyone to notice she's put on any weight, so she'll carry on eating whatever she pleases. Haha, that's an attitude I like!! :P

Well then, I guess you can already be getting enough fluids through your food. It's also good to hear you're getting some sleep! I know I go nuts if I don't get my exact 8 hours of it... But anyway, you're only 17 right? That's around my age, and the (healthy) friends I have eat, on average, 3K calories, so it would be more than great if you increased... But why is it that you feel sick with increasing? You're saying your body can't hold it down... are you sure you making your food as calorie-dense as possible? Maybe you can give it a try! I had the same problem, but was surprised when I saw how easy it was, in reality, to get lots of cals in. I never had to cut out veggies, or any volume-dense stuff; but did not feel anywhere close to "sick" when I consumed enough to gain. I guess I'm saying useless things, you probably know all that :P

Underweight, malnourished, cold body. That's it! Even if you're in the process of recovering; your body can't just heal the damage in a short period of time! I also used to have black-ish-blue lips, nails, gums... In fact, every inch of skin on me had a blue color to it!! Had it in the summer, but it was most prominent during winter times, so it's definitely got something to do with the fact that your body not being isn't able to warm itself up...