Expect Uninvitations To I-95 Traffic Jam

August 18, 1986|ROBIN BRANCH, Staff Columnist

For a stunning display of your tax dollar at work once again, pay close attention to what you hear and see in reference to Interstate 95 in the next several months. But, come to think of it, why should you wait? Basically, what you`ll be hearing and seeing is that there`s a massive traffic jam on I- 95.

Not that this is a particularly unusual condition on South Florida`s favorite highway, of course. Let`s face it, anybody who doesn`t know there`s a massive traffic jam on I-95 probably should be in protective custody anyhow. But thanks to the state Department of Transportation`s newest plan for rapid fund disbursement (RFD), you`ll be paying a public relations agency between $27,000 and $50,000 for the information.

Yes, the DOT has discovered PR, and apparently it`s going to be the hottest romance since Madonna met Sean.

Maybe the DOT got the idea from the Broward Expressway Authority, which hired a public relations firm for $500,000 last year to recruit motorists for the Sawgrass Expressway. Who knows why anybody thought this was necessary. Anybody besides the public relations firm, I mean.

After all, we live in an area where homeowners post their driveways with signs saying NOT A THROUGH STREET. REALLY, REALLY NOT.

The fact is, not only do people not need a $500,000 engraved invitation to drive on a road in South Florida, but you can`t keep them from driving on a new road long enough to complete the paving, which explains why the very first traffic jam on the Sawgrass was led by a hot tar truck.

WOULD 4-YEAR-OLD WORK CHEAPER?

All of which makes the DOT`s upcoming PR campaign a doubly dubious proposition, since in this case the objective will be to discourage motorists from traveling on I-95 for, oh, I don`t know, you know how it goes with road- building, maybe for a year or so.

What`s happening is that contractors are gearing up to undertake $450 million worth of reconstruction on I-95, tearing up old lanes and adding new ones, at the same time that road work begins on several other major highways in Palm Beach, Broward and Dade counties. This, as any reasonably alert 4-year-old child would grasp intuitively, means that I-95 is likely to be even more of a parking lot than usual for a while.

But, for children under 4 and for the incredibly unobservant adults among us, the DOT has hired a Fort Lauderdale public relations agency to dispense the news.

Well, let`s be precise. The DOT hired PRC Engineering for $1 million to schedule (or ``juggle,`` as they put it) the road work. Then the DOT and PRC Engineering together hired the public relations agency to dispense the news that no matter how much juggling goes on, the entire length of I-95 will be all torn up at the same time anyhow.

$100,000 BUYS A LOT OF MAPS

``We don`t want any more ridership on I-95 and we need professionals to get that message across,`` explains Jim Wolfe, a DOT project manager.

The question is, what good is the information -- even professionally dispensed -- that there`s a traffic jam on I-95 going to do anybody? What can they do about it? Quit their jobs and stay home for a year or so?

It isn`t as if the alternatives to I-95 are many, varied or (as they say in government) viable. A West Palm Beach family planning to visit Grandma in Coral Gables on Christmas Eve would have to set off via Federal Highway on Halloween. If any two of the traffic lights happen to be coordinated along the way, the might even make it.

But this is only the beginning. Wolfe says that starting in 1987 the DOT is budgeting $100,000 a year for a permanent two-person public relations office to answer questions and to advise motorists how to avoid traffic jams.

It sounds like a lot of money to spend telling people to move to Wyoming.