Everyone and their mother is a blogger today and everyone wants to know what do successful pro bloggers have that you are missing. There are a few key things which you might have overlooked that might be effecting your blog in such a dramatic way that it never crossed your mind. How can you become that next big blogger everyone wants to work with? Leave a comment below. I have already written quite a few blogger tips in the past, so this one is nothing new. After doing a lot of research and interviewing many successful bloggers, they all advised the same, no matter how successful they were. Here are 12 fool-proof tips to boost your blog and become the next big blogger that everyone wants to work with and sponsor. I finally will say what ever blogger on the world would like to admit but fears to admit the truth.

Social media sites are advertising platforms

You should be on at least 30 social media sites, you are no one unless follow all the trends the kids are following. But don’t waste your time listening or interacting with your readers and followers on those social media sites, I mean who has the (swear word) time! Right! The day is way too short to also interact with your readers, they should be happy you even wrote something. You should only use those social media sites for free advertising space. Just post links and that is it, simple in and out. It will pop up on the person’s timeline and your work is done. It’s that simple.

Originality is dead

It’s the 21 century and everything that had to be said or made has been made or said. No need for original content. Instead of wasting your time trying to find out what your readers are interested in or what is trendy, go to well read or commented blogs and just copy and paste their content (pictures, videos..etc).What is Copyright? This will guarantee that you have amazing content but without wasting your valuable time. Don’t want to copy and paste, well then you can for sure choose a popular article, change the words around a bit and post it as an original post on your blog. There is no need to link to the original blog where you found the “borrowing” content, since you don’t want them to know you stole their idea and content.

You ARE an expert

I am a high voodoo priests. I have been for the past 15 years. I also have a magic and voodoo shop in new orleans. No one will ever know you are not an expert, guru or rockstar. You should always fake it until you make it, no need to back it up with actual research, experience or God forbid knowledge! I mean everyone will believe you right? Example, “I’m a PRO fashion stylist” write this on your blog and I guarantee everyone will believe you off the bat, no need to make a fake portfolio with stolen images or content to back up your guruness. No need, a fake title is enough. I mean no need for disclosure. Right! I assume you figured out that I am not a voodoo priests, or am I? Just because I wrote it?! You will never know!

Too cool 4 blogger events

You were invited to a blogger event and you wonder, should I got? Well no, I mean if they really wanted you to attend the event they would pay you for your time, especially if you were ever nominated as a possible blogger of the year. It’s like getting nominated for the Oscars, do you see Leonardo DiCaprio attending just any old event? I think not! Everyone should know who you are, your 10,000 subscribers do.

Show me the money, honey!

This one is very important. Money is the only reason you started blogging admit it! This is the reason why everyone else blogs. No one blogs because they are passionate about what they are writing about or even vlogging. I mean trying to be creative online is like stupid, totally. No one is that stupid to just do it for fun and not make money. Only work with brands that will show you the money. You should only blog about things you are paid for. Never ever post any news or even reviews about products which you were not compensated for or paid for. You are advertising those brands for free. You should tell your readers what they should be interested in, not the other way around. Like, seriously!

Be the BIG fish

You are the big fish in your own pond. I mean everyone knows you in your pond that is all that matters. Never ever step out of your comfort zone, never share your pond with others because it will take away all the little fish that are following you. You are God in your pond and never forget that.

Never follow back

Never follow back anyone on any social media site. You will look like a superstar if you only follow 2 people. Everyone will automatically care about the fact that you only follow 2 people but like 9000 follow you back.

Investing in expensive equipment guarantees success

You will need a lot of money if you plan to be successful. You will need to buy the best HD camera, Macbook pro, ring light, light box and everything else if you want to be a PRO. Not to mention the makeup, hair and wardrobe you will need. Invest right away in the most expensive products and do not get by with what you have, you are a pro, right! Never collaborate with pro photographers or God forbid other professionals. It will show you are incapable of making it on your own. You will be laughed at.

Money & connections = 100% success

I mean everyone knows that the only reason certain blogs and youtube channels are successful is because they have the right connections and nothing else. They never come up with original content, someone does it for them. They are like a bad actor that never made it. With the right friends and enough money, success can be bought, all you gotta do is be pretty! Never hang out with other bloggers on your own rank, it will only hold you back. Also, I strongly advise finding a very wealthy spouse right before you start blogging. I mean you do need a sponsor, who the hell will buy all that stuff? You? Your blog? I think not! Also make sure that you ask any and all bloggers if and how much money they make, what car they drive, if they have a wealthy spouse that sponsors the entire ordeal. Always ask inappropriate questions! If a blogger does have a wealthy spouse or comes from a well off family, ask to be hooked up to one of them because you too need a sponsor. The more inappropriate questions you ask or being as rude as possible, the more memorable you will become.

It’s a sprint, not a marathon

If you want to be ahead of the game, make sure you publish as much content as you can in one day. Quantity over Quality is key, you started late in the game and have to catch up. You have to catch up to become one of the great ones.

How to get noticed and be memorable

Make sure to be friends with other bloggers in your niche, but as soon as an opportunity appears, make sure to spread fibs and lies, you need to take out your competition to get noticed. The only thing that matters is crushing your competition spiritually and psychologically, because when you get them out of the way, you will finally have your time to shine. Make sure to never use an original name for your blog. Seriously! Make sure to use an almost identical or if possible a play on words of another more successful international blogger that actually spent a number years creating their original name or spent a boatload of money on that same unique name. What is trademark? I mean if your content isn’t original, why should your name be original, right? When you can copy the crap out of everything you see online. I read quotes all the time telling me to steal original ideas and make them my own. Seriously. I mean all the big bloggers stole content and did not use an original and unique name for their blog. People are stupid, they will believe every crap you serve them! What ever you do, DO NOT I repeat DO NOT BE ORIGINAL. Originality is dead anyway. Don’t behave as an adult.

Never comment, but if you must…

I mean you are blogging for success why waste your precious time and read other blogs or even comment. You are here focusing on your blog and not on other blogs. If you leave comments on others blogs it means that your blog is not all that. It will show a sign of weakness. Never ever do that you have to show that you are untouchable, special and that the rest of the bloggers are just people wasting their time. But if you must comment, use a bot machine or always leave copy & paste comments with possible three links. One to your blog, one to your latest article and one to your facebook or youtube channel. Link the crap out of your comment because that is the only way you will get noticed, since your content is shit anyway, you know it, they don’t. I highly doubt your readers can read anyway.

To sum this all up

By now you are shocked and cannot believe what you just read. I know I am quite disgusted. Some of you might even be insulted that a blogger would even consider or behave like this. I’ve been around since 2007 and have seen it all. These 12 steps are 100% fool-proof ways to make you the worst blogger of the year, if not century. This is an April Fool’s day post for my readers and young bloggers who are just starting off in the blogger world. Success is not measured by the depth of your pocket or number of followers. The longer you blog the more you see that money doesn’t matter, at all and honestly blogging should to be fun. Period. When it stops being fun, close your blog or take a longer hiatus.

I will say that you have to be careful as a blogger, it will effect your everyday life Your boss is reading it and learning about you. Remember, what you write online cannot be erased. It’s a permanently fingerprint which can be dug up whenever anyone wants. You stealing someone’s work or creative ideas, it will affect you eventually in real life. People do not forgive easily, nor should they, but artists never forgive. The artist circle is very very small and information like this travels faster than the speeding bullet but that is a whole other story. I give you an example of Michelle Phan she is being sued for multiple charges of copyright infringement and God only knows what else. I am even surprised that this went public. This news came up one day and vanished the next. We all know that it was paid to go away or better said off the internet. Karma catches up eventually.