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Today’s Column

Get past it!

Fifteen years ago, when in my 20s, I broke up with my high school girlfriend.

I hadn’t wanted to join her religion, and also discovered she’d cheated on me.

She immediately spread nasty falsehoods about me to mutual friends. She also threatened to keep in touch with my parents purely to spite me.

I started college out of town. A year later I returned, she contacted me, and I agreed to meet as friends.

During lunch, she propositioned me for sex, despite her then being engaged. I stopped all contact again, later left to continue college.

That year she invited my parents and my aunt and uncle to her wedding. To my surprise and hurt, they all attended.

She continues to send my parents cards, gifts, and family photos. They happily receive her phone calls, and share news with her about our family and my life.

Seven years ago I told my parents how hurtful this was to me. I’ve returned to my hometown and find that it’s continued.

One phone call came through yesterday while I was there, and my mom eagerly took it. I became upset and said it bothers me greatly, especially because I consider her abusive.

Apparently they still don't understand, despite my sharing the details of what she did.

Wit’s End

Maybe your parents have been lonely and she provided attention.

They’ve apparently developed their own relationship with her that has nothing to do, in their minds, with your past one.

It’s impossible to be certain that this is still part of her much earlier threat to hurt you.

The critical question now is this: How much does it matter?

You can’t seem to change your parents’ attitude toward her - they just don’t get it.

Hopefully, you can stop caring and just ignore and avoid her.

You can also try to strengthen your own connection to your parents and relatives and help them understand that talking about your personal life to her or anyone crosses a privacy line.

I’m 19, and an only child away at school. This past weekend when visiting back home, my mom said that my dad wants a divorce.

They’d recently gone on a weekend trip with other couples. Mom got very intoxicated and did something stupid. But they both agree that she didn't cheat on my dad.

He won't tell her what she actually did but he’s so furious and hurt that he says he can't forgive her.

I can't understand how he could call it quits without trying to talk to someone or give either of us an explanation.

They never fought in front of me and always kept any problems separate from me.

Also, they own a business together.

I feel my dad’s being rash and not thinking through how much my mom really does for him and how much this will affect all our lives.

My mom doesn’t want me to tell anyone, she’s hoping it’ll just blow over. Now I feel a huge burden, which I don’t know how to handle.

Angry and Heart-broken

So far this is only between them. It sounds like your father was humiliated in some way – and that’s one of the hardest things for a partner to accept, especially humiliation before friends.

She needs to keep apologizing to him and saying how much she values their life together, and how upset she is at having hurt him.

This has to be all about him, not about their business together or even their relationship with you.

It’s not over yet.

I open a restaurant nearby, so walk to work each morning.

I wear a reflector vest, but drivers don’t wait until I cross safely before they proceed through the intersection.

This endangers my unborn baby and me. Sometimes, it takes a day before the adrenaline rush subsides.

I feel angrier lately at these mostly-young drivers for not caring about my safety. I now don't have normal patience or good humor with customers.

My life and job are at risk.

Need Calm

Anxiety can affect your well being during a pregnancy and also your patience level at work. Talk to your doctor about your stress level, which may be exacerbated by general fears regarding having a baby, for which you need some reassurances.

Taking public transport may add to your budget, but is worth it for better peace of mind? Changing shifts might help.

Most important, be aware and alert at all times wherever you’re walking.