Thursday, October 07, 2010

Yesterday I was nauseous unless I was eating. Just like when I was pregnant. Curiouser.

Today I have been starving all day, even with my parmesan-bagel-with-cream-cheese-breakfast-of-champions. Curiouser and curiouser.

The only logical conclusion is that I have conceived immaculately. Because I highly doubt that the last sperm to invade my body was able to survive for the last three months. Nope. It’s Immaculate Conception. I’m special. I’m Chosen.

And how cool is that? I will have my very own Baby Jeebus!! A Baby Jeebus to turn my water into wine. Or vodka. Or whatever else I, as the Modern Madonna, choose to imbibe on any given evening.

I will have my very own little miracle-worker in my house! Maybe he can make the dogs stop farting. Forever. I could quit my job because we’d be traveling around the world performing all kinds of miracles. I would be the most awesome stage-mom in all the world. I don’t think there are many lepers left in the world, so maybe he can take on AIDS. And fix the economy. And multiply my shoes. Rescuing all of the homeless puppies in the world would be good. Homeless people, too, if he has time after fixing global warming and saving all the polar bears. No raising of the dead though. We all know how that really turns out, thanks to Pet Semetary.

Family dinners would be a whole other thing altogether. Can you imagine Christmas at my house? Brings a whole new meaning to sibling rivalry, doesn’t it?

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About Me

Kat

Bios are dumb. I like to talk, but not about myself. Here's the short story.
I have a teenager, which means I wing it every day. I love my dogs, shoes, cheese and martinis. My turnoffs are spiders and brussels sprouts. I want to live in Disneyland.
The rest I make up as I go.

About Me

Bios are dumb. I like to talk, but not about myself. Here's the short story.
I have a teenager, which means I wing it every day. I love my dogs, shoes, cheese and martinis. My turnoffs are spiders and brussels sprouts. I want to live in Disneyland.
The rest I make up as I go.