"Insights
on Being" provides readers with a variety of information and wisdom to support their
spiritual awareness and evolvement.

This page is
updated with new material regularly.

* * * * *

A young man’s journey to find
himself

My
name is Victor. I am 23 years old and currently in my second senior year at
Texas A&M University. My major is Bio-Environmental Science and I plan to
graduate in the fall of 2015. I am interested in ecological relationships
between plants and microorganisms, and greatly concerned about our planet’s
overall health, in particular the growing concern with water shortages. This
is why I am leaning in the direction of river ecology or desalination.

Growing up I made good grades and was very active in sports. I liked sports
because they gave me a single focus. I knew the goal and I would do what was
necessary to get to it. I still play basketball to this day about 5 times a
week. Growing up I didn’t have many friends that I could hang out with. I
lived out in the hill country of central Texas. I believe this is why I have
always been drawn to the outdoors and nature. All I remember was running
around in the forest and the fields, always moving.

I
began to change during my senior year of high school and more so in college.
The choices that I was making became substantially different. My interest in
school, sports and other activities was lost. During my first semester of
college I took my new found freedom to do whatever I wanted. I had little or
no regard for what choices I made or how they would affect my life. Deep down
I didn’t feel my value, and I felt as though I was missing out in life. So I
did what I thought would be fun or cool.

I
found a group of friends who were just as lost as I was and we drank alcohol
and smoked weed every day. I halfheartedly went to my classes at first but
soon found myself not going at all. I felt cool at first. I was somehow
drawing my power from my friends and believing that I was happy. Soon the end
of the year came around and many of my friends had to drop out. I was on the
edge with academic probation and should have been kicked out because of my
poor grades. Nothing changed in the following semesters. I convinced myself
and my parents that I was fine, that I was getting my act together and that I
was doing well in school. Yet each semester would end and my grades would be
subpar to failing because I had done nothing but drink, smoke, and sometimes
take more intense drugs. I couldn’t stop the lying, I couldn’t stop the
drugs, and it began to rip me apart inside and out. I remained in this limbo
for a few years, trying to convince myself that I would get it together. I
didn’t change a thing, and to my surprise my life only got worse.

My
childhood was fairly stable. It wasn’t what you would call normal, but stable
is really all you could ask for. I realize now that my adolescent behavior
was rooted in these early childhood years. I felt very different from other
kids and just did not fit in. I didn’t feel like I was worth anything. I
wanted to be liked and so I found that being the good boy would get me
acceptance and attention. I acted the good boy for my mom, my dad, and my
teachers. I felt loved and accepted. Still it wasn’t enough. I wanted the
kids to like me too. I would compete with them, try to be nice to them, and
if that didn’t work I would even fight them. Basically, I was experimenting
with what would make people like me, and I found that different people
responded to different actions. So I would act differently around each person
depending on what I thought would get them to like me. Most often I would act
similar to the person who I wanted to be accepted by. I felt invested in
their lives because I believed that they were in some way a part of me. I got
very good at it. For a young person I was a master manipulator. The result of
splitting my personality into many different people was that I lost my sense
of self. This led me to being in a constant state of anxiety. I was never
fully satisfied with myself. After living this way for several years I lost
touch with the real me. Was I the good boy, was I the competitor, the
fighter, the cool kid, the smart kid or none of the above? I honestly had no
idea who I was. I never addressed this issue in my high school years and now
college was on the horizon. I soon discovered that things would become more
complicated.

I
wanted to stop the anxiety, stop the feeling of being trapped in this awkward
person that I had become. I found that I felt better if I drank alcohol, or
numbed myself by smoking pot. I liked it and soon found that I preferred to
be drunk or high rather than face myself and my responsibilities. While I was
high the pain was gone. I was free, with no worries about who I was. The
people around me seemed to accept me the way I was, this broken unconsolidated
mass of weird ideas and beliefs. So I kept tumbling further and further from
reality until I was truly on the edge of seriously hurting
myself.

During my 4th year at A&M, I found myself going to 1 or 2
classes a week. Then halfway through the semester I realized I had skipped an
exam day. I had missed multiple labs that I needed in order to pass my
chemistry class. I wasn’t prepared for any of my tests coming up. So I smoked
more pot. I had given up completely. This really started to confuse me
because a part of me was screaming. It was screaming to wake up and salvage
what I could from the semester, but I still did nothing. I couldn’t move. I
wanted to stop smoking because I knew it wasn’t helping my situation, but I
couldn’t stop. It was finally coming into focus that I had a serious problem
and the drugs were just the tip of the iceberg. Admitting to my mom that I
had a problem and needed help was the first step that I took to get my life
together. I made the decision to withdraw from all my classes for the
semester and to not go back to college until I had my life together. I was
fortunate to have my family to turn to during this time because it was
necessary for me to leave everything behind. I left my friends, my job, my
college and the drugs. I went home to find out who I truly was and why I had
these deep feelings of not being enough.

I
wanted to get better and I knew that this was not going to be easy.
Fortunately, I had many different avenues that helped me with my healing process.
There were two that I found to be the most valuable. First, I created a
journal that I made a commitment to write a whole page into every day. It
quickly became very easy and therapeutic because it gave me an outlet. On the
pages I could see the pent up rage and resentment I had toward different
people including myself and writing about it relieved a lot of that pressure
and cleared my mind.

The
second valuable change I made was that I committed to volunteer at a horse
ranch that helped special needs children. I spent 2 days a week at the ranch
helping children ride horses as part of their therapy. This gave me a sense
of calm that I had never felt. I wanted to be calm during college but I never
slowed down enough to experience it. Further the experience of helping these
children gave me a sense of value. I had something to offer that was
meaningful to someone outside myself.

Change however does not come so simply. I also went to counseling sessions
every other week. Speaking to someone who you do not know about the most
difficult issues in your life may seem weird but is really helpful because
they can give unique insight into your problems. I soon discovered that
honesty was my biggest problem. Beyond the drugs and other issues, I was a
compulsive liar. I was completely honest to my therapist and it made me want
to be honest with everyone in my life. He helped me immensely with addressing
all of my addictions and developing a plan for how to approach my future.

Besides
counseling I spent my time exercising and reading books. I began to
rediscover the things that I really enjoyed. I love being active and I love
learning new things. Some of the books I read were self-help books such as Letting
Go by Dr. David Hawkins, which I highly recommend because for me it
showed how living from my mind was distorting my reality. Dr. Hawkins’ book
allowed me to identify the level of consciousness that I was operating and
stuck in, and how to let go of the underlying issues and move into higher
consciousness. Other books I read during this time were Autobiography
of aYogi by Paramahansa Yogananda and As a Man
Thinketh by James Allen. Both of these books were written by men who
were in complete control of their destinies. These were great books for me to
resonate with during this transition. The final and possibly the most
important book that has made an impact during my transition is A New
Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I believe that reading A New Earth
offers the best comparison of what the world seems to be and what it really
is. This perspective opened the space for me to change. My participation at
two Circle Retreats was integral to my understanding of the basis of my
issues. The weekend long process made a real impact on my ability to let go of
the past and to embrace the now.

I
still had to make more changes. I started to eat healthier which I found gave
me more energy. I liked working out and this became part of my daily routine.
I got a part time job at PETCO which I enjoyed because I like animals,
instead of just working for the money. All of these things made me happier
and relieved my stress. Another huge part of my week was that every couple of
days I could sit down with my Mom and talk about the progress that I was
making, even if it wasn’t big strides. I was fortunate to have someone to
talk with through the transition because it helped me to reflect on new
insights, the changes I was making and my overall progress. Talking helped
immensely whenever I found myself being stagnant.

I developed a
general daily routine which included waking up at a reasonable time,
meditating when I woke up and again when I went to sleep. Other daily
activities that I enjoyed were spending time with my dog and cat and working
out. All of these meaningful changes that I made in my daily life gave me a
sense of calm within that healed the underlying issues that previously caused
me to turn to drugs. I wanted more out of life, and I learned that I didn’t
need anything outside of myself to tell me I was important. I was getting to
know myself and was comfortable with who I was.

One
of the most valuable lessons I learned was about letting go. I was holding
onto who I thought I was. I was holding onto emotions that I could have
outgrown during my childhood years. I had to let go of these emotions that
were weighing me down and preventing me from growing. I am now only concerned
with the choices that I make today. I have learned to accept myself for who I
am in the present. It is only when I reached this acceptance of myself that I
was able to live out the person that I wanted to be. I now know that I cannot
influence other people and that accepting them for who they are is the
easiest way for me to be happy. In the end because I am myself and I accept
them for who they are, people are comfortable with me.

However the
most important lesson I learned was about honesty. I had lied about who I was
to the point that I didn’t know myself. I had lied to my closest family and
friends that I nearly lost them all. Lying completely crushes you from the
inside out. It is the single thing that has made me a happier person. I no
longer pretend to be friends with people who I can’t relate with. I am able
to tell people what I really feel and they respond with sincerity. Life is
better with honesty because you no longer need to hide who you are. I am me,
and that is just fine.

I
have just completed my first semester back at A&M. My grades were the
best I have had during my time in college. I made new friends who are more
aligned with the real me. I am grateful for the lessons that life has brought
me. I learned from my mistakes, and I know that these life experiences have
made me who I am today. It’s exciting to know that I have the ability to
choose how I live my life and to live it freely.

The following two conversations are with a young lady who at the age of 16,
committed suicide. The initial conversation was done two years ago, just a
few months after her transition. It is clear that she is still trying to sort
out what happened and to explain her reasons for going this path. The second
conversation was just a couple of months ago nearing the second anniversary
of her transition. It is deep and insightful and clearly expresses her
awareness of what she must do to move on with her life and spiritual
evolvement.

It is interesting to note that in the initial reading she is wearing a crown
of flowers on her head which she wants her Mom to notice. She also talks
about not being able to breathe in the world of her imagination before the
suicide. Her mother later explained to me that shortly before her transition,
she had made flowers for her daughters to wear on their hair for a wedding. J
chose not to wear her flowers. Her mother also mentioned that J often said
she “couldn’t breathe” even though there was no physical cause for this.

Reading with
J

September 9, 2012

I reach out to the Light Beings in an effort to connect with J who recently
transitioned to spirit. Her mother wishes to make contact and find out how
she is doing. J’s transition was by choice and was a shock to all who love
her, especially her mother.

Beatriz, we are here, your friends the Light Beings. You are searching for
this young lady in the realms of spirit and we have opened all avenues to
locate her. We understand the circumstances under which she transitioned and
are aware of the pain of her family and friends. We know that this has been
very unsettling for J’s family.

So you know, when we search out someone in the spirit world, we don’t really
go anywhere. We just put out the call and the image of the person. If they
wish to answer the call, they will come forward and manifest themselves to
us. Most people do this. If they don’t, and we need to make contact or look
into their personal situation, we will send out helpers who will locate them
and either talk with them or at least appraise their situation and report
back to us.

J did not come forward on her own, so we search for her and find her. She is
not alone and seems to be with people with whom she is familiar. We will
approach her and open conversation.

First, let us explain that the circumstances surrounding her transition (the
reason why she left and the way in which she left the earth) were such that
her spirit was for some time in suspension. She would have liked to
immediately pass to a peaceful state, which she so longed for. But it was not
quite like this initially. She went into a deep sleep. There were always people
around her to attend to her until she was able to slowly come out of this.
Still, she is not on solid ground here. The people who surround her are
dedicated to attending to such cases of trauma. There are also other young
souls who have made similar transitions very recently. They support each
other, much as such a group would form on the earth plane.

And so this is why she could not come to us when we put out the call. We
approach her and open conversation. We explain that we are here upon inquiry
by her mother and family. She smiles and she points to a little crown of
flowers that she has made for herself and placed on her head, as if this
means something to her mother. We ask her how she is doing and if she would
like to say something to her family. She nods and so we are going to stand by
her now and allow her to speak.

________________

This is J. Mom I am fine, really fine. I came here in what seems like just a
few minutes ago and I slept as if on a cloud. You know how it feels when you
have been working hard all day and did not take one bit of rest, then you
fall on the bed and it feels so soft and comfortable, you just instantly go
to sleep. This is how it was for me.

I know what I did. I was on the railroad tracks and felt the power of the
train as it approached me. That is all I felt. Please know that there was no
pain, no fear, no panic. I was in total peace. And the next moment I was on a
soft bed, like a cloud, drifting into sleep. I am told that I slept for a
long period of time, what would be like weeks or months in earth
time….although it feels like just minutes to me.

You are concerned about me and how I am doing. I knew that this would be hard
for you but I want to say from my heart what I could not put into words when
I was on the earth. I came to the earth by choice, but I just felt that I
came at the wrong time. Everything was always so strange for me…….people,
places, events that transpired in my life. It seems that people were hurtful
and careless without realizing it. It is as if they acted out of the
impression that they were “good and loving” but actually, they were not. They
couldn’t see it and I couldn’t bear the pain of living among them, in such a
hurtful environment. I remember that sometimes I would try to pretend that I
was invisible. I wanted so much to make myself invisible, but I couldn’t. I
was born at the wrong time in the wrong place. And I never could figure out
how to blend in and make it in life. I felt like a total misfit, like I
didn’t belong, even in my family. It is not that anyone (of my family) did
anything to me. This is just how I was made. Can you understand? I think I
was made from the start to be somewhere or someone else.

I thought I had a good grasp of my situation when I started to speak, but I
hear myself saying things that don’t totally express what I mean to say.

I love you Mom. I love everyone. I didn’t do this to hurt anyone. I just
needed to leave the earth. I realized I had a choice and I decided to exercise
this choice. You don’t think about it because you are so busy living
everyday, doing this and doing that. But if you stop for a moment you will
realize that the world is messed up. We all try to pretend that it is not and
that we are happy, or at least find some satisfaction in what we do from day
to day. But that is not meaningful. It may be for some people. And maybe
others are good at pretending. For me it was neither meaningful, nor worth
pretending about. This is why I left. I just left.

Where I am now is not a different place. I actually have come around to
everyone. I have sat by you when you were quietly sleeping. And I sat by the
house, It is like a dream. Scenes change and different people come in and out
of my space. I am at one place then suddenly at another. Sometimes, I am a
little girl and then I am grown up. I am watching myself sort out my life,
make some sense of it so that I can move on. I am realizing that our lives
are forever linked to one another and that no distance in miles, nor even in
realms, can change that. This is why everything needs to be resolved somehow.

And so I come to the most important thing I have to say to you Mom. You and
Dad gave me life. You created me with love and I know that I took something
from your life when I chose to transition to spirit. I am sorry. I am sorry
that I did this that hurt you so deeply. I would have left sooner, but this
is what kept me from doing it. And because everything needs to be resolved, I
need your forgiveness.

I ask for your forgiveness for taking my life in this way. (she cries)

You may think I didn’t love you or I didn’t appreciate you. But I did. It is
just that the pain of living just one more day in that body was so much
greater than the knowing that this would be so difficult for you as my
parents and family to bear.

Just whisper to me that you forgive me, each one. I am with you and will hear
your voice…………..and I will be free. These things have to be fixed, and I want
to make things right. I am amazed that I can directly speak to you to ask for
your forgiveness. I appreciate that I can do this now.

I am close by always and at the same time, I am in another world. It is the
same world, but you know what I said about how everyone lives a ‘pretend’
life. I just don’t relate to that. I am not talking about my family
generally. It is just the world that you live in, it affects everyone.

And yet, I realize now that this perception of reality that I had was not
totally accurate. There is a lot of truth in it, but I allowed it to consume
me to the point that I could no longer live in this world that I imagined I
was born into. It all became like an obsession for me. And I was blinded by
this to the point that I could not breathe anymore in this world. It was
devoid of life! I couldn’t breathe in the world that I had created in my
imagination and that I so believed was the real world. This is why I could
not understand how everyone could go on pretending all was okay, even my
family. I have to say that I thought something was wrong with me, but I
mostly thought something was very wrong with everyone else.

I am doing well. I meet with a group of friends and we share about our life
experience as it unfolds. We are all in the process of healing. They have
made me aware of my need to resolve my separation from my family. I want to
forgive myself for what I did, but at the same time, I need to ask for
forgiveness from you, everyone. Maybe that needs to come first, so that I can
face myself. I cannot face myself for what I did. It hurts so much to know
the pain I have caused you……..because I see it, and feel it. (she cries)

You have to understand that because I had become so consumed by my distorted
perception of reality, there was no room in my consciousness for me to grasp
the severity of what I was about to do, the impact this would have on others,
even on my spirit. It is not that I didn’t care. I just could not care
really, because I was not ‘feeling’ on that level. This is why I slept for so
long. Yes, the trauma of my passing was an issue, but I also had become numb
inside. I didn’t feel anymore.

I awoke to a peaceful environment. I am surrounded by very supportive and
loving people who take care of me. It is not like we have to eat or sleep.
But we need to bring our vibration to a level that can sustain us. Otherwise,
others have to give us support, to create an environment that is nurturing
for us to feel energized and alive. Right now I have one beautiful angel on
one side and one on the other. They came to support me to speak to you. It’s
beautiful. If they were not here, I would not be able to say very much to
you. I just explain this so you know what my life is like. I am growing and
gaining strength everyday.

I am leaving you now. I would like to talk to you again. Maybe after you read
my words you have something to say and then we can talk some more.

I love you.

J

_______

Beatriz, these are the Light Beings. We are very happy that J could make this
communication with her mother and her family. We are happy to have been of
help. We can say to her mother that J is a lovely child and she is well cared
for here.

Love,

The Light Beings

* * * * *

Second Reading
with J

June 8, 2014

I reach out to the Light Beings this morning in an effort to connect with J
on behalf of her family. Her twin sister recently took a photo of the dog
that she and J own together. In the photo J’s face appears together with
their dog. Her parents feel that this may be J’s way of conveying a message
to them. They open this communication in an effort to acknowledge J and to
receive her message. I ask the Light Beings for their assistance in locating
J in the realms of spirit and conveying this request on behalf of her family.

Beatriz, we are here the Light Beings and we understand the request you make
on behalf of J’s family. We search the realms to find her and can say that we
are happily re-united with this lovely young lady. She greets us with a smile
and a “Hi” with the wave of the hand. She looks bright and she brings with
her a few friends. She cradles them in her hands. She wants you to know that
she has pets whose company she enjoys in the spiritual world. She is open and
ready to make this communication. Today she comes by herself, although her
guides are nearby. She is more grounded and sure of herself than the last
time we spoke. We convey your message to her on behalf of her family and she
nods and steps up to speak. Here she is.

* * * * *

Hi, this is J. Thank you for finding me this morning. I tell my parents all
the time that they can communicate with me directly, but I don’t think they
believe me. I appreciate that you make yourself available to us in this way.

The last time we spoke I was still trying to sort out my transition and my
act of rebellion in choosing to destroy my body. I must confess that I had a
very distorted idea of what it meant to commit suicide. I thought it was a
simple choice that came with the benefit of escaping what I perceived was a
type of “hell on earth”. In fact, for anyone contemplating suicide, I would
say that this is the farthest thing from the truth. No one could have
convinced me of this at the time. And this may have little impact on others,
but I have to say it because if I had known what I know now, I would never
have taken my life. This is what I want to convey to my family. (she cries)

It was a mistake. I could not quite grasp this the last time we spoke. But
now I understand it clearly. I came into this life as J with a purpose. I
chose this life knowing that I would be challenged. My course was difficult
but knowing this, God in His loving mercy gave me a twin sister to help me
navigate my life course without losing it. I had a supporting and loving
family who tried to reach me even when I was hopelessly lost in my rebellion.
My sister stood by my side. Her look sometimes penetrated right to my soul. I
was so moved by her presence in my life. And at the same time, I was blinded
by my resistance of this life as it unfolded for me. I chose this life…

And then I rejected it. No one told me I had chosen this life and that this
was not a curse. I didn’t understand that all that was happening to me was
just to help me to define myself and to find my purpose. I felt myself up
against the world. No, I felt up against the cruelness of the world. This is
all I could see.

It hurts me to look back at the person I had become. And I know too Beatriz
that you feel the tension. It courses through me and makes me shudder as I
speak it. But, please bear with me as I need to say this. I came with a
purpose and I had the perfect support system around me, my family. They did
not fail me. I failed myself. Please know this. I am aware that everyone has
gone through this “self blame” for what I did. But I take full
responsibility. If you keep blaming yourselves, it holds me back….and it
holds you back. We need to move on with our lives. I need to start anew. I
need to have the opportunity to ease back into this state of consciousness
that I so rejected in the past, and I need to face this with dignity and not
take my life. I need this freedom and I ask it from you. Please forgive me.
And please forgive yourselves and let me go.

We are always together and I will continue to live in your hearts as you in
mine. But we need to put a complete closure to this life of J and move on.
This also holds for you a valuable lesson that needs to be embraced. We all
have played our part in this story and now the story has come to an end. We
take what we learned and move on. We never forget the story and our part in
it, nor each other, but we must leave the stage and go on with life.

Here in the spiritual world I have come to learn much about life and why we
are born and die, why we have opportunities to learn the same lessons in
different ways until we can grasp them. I have learned about acceptance and
about forgiveness. I am ready to take on the challenges of life and succeed.
Please release me.

I would like to do a small memorial service together with you. Please come
with me to a park. Let’s plant a tree together…for me and for you. Bring
flowers. Gather around and I will join you. You will feel me there because we
will do this ceremony together. It is the ceremony of love and forgiveness. I
will be there for you and you will be there for me. It is our last goodbye.
(she cries)

No matter what, we need to release each other. We accept, “okay, this
happened. We wish it had not happened, but it did. J is gone from earth and
she needs to move on with her life. We forgive her and we forgive ourselves.
We love J and we know that she loves us (because I do!)”

I come to be around you all the time. The photo just captured me by chance
that time, but I am with you always.

I love you.

J

* * * * *

Beatriz, these are the Light Beings. We see that all went well with J’s
communication. It is a simple, but loving message. We are pleased to have
witnessed this encounter of J and the sharing of her wisdom and love with her
family. She left with a smile and a gentle bow, then a “Bye” with the wave of
her hand. She is a lovely young lady indeed.

* * * * *

Forgiveness:
Portraits of Reconciliation

New York Times Magazine APRIL 4,
2014

Photographs by Pieter Hugo

Text by Susan Dominus

20 years after the genocide in Rwanda, reconciliation still
happens one encounter at a time.

Last month, the photographer
Pieter Hugo went to southern Rwanda, two decades after nearly a million people
were killed during the country’s genocide, and captured a series of unlikely,
almost unthinkable tableaus. In one, a woman rests her hand on the shoulder of
the man who killed her father and brothers. In another, a woman poses with a
casually reclining man who looted her property and whose father helped murder
her husband and children. In many of these photos, there is little evident
warmth between the pairs, and yet there they are, together. In each, the
perpetrator is a Hutu who was granted pardon by the Tutsi survivor of his
crime.

The people who agreed to be
photographed are part of a continuing national effort toward reconciliation and
worked closely with AMI (Association Modeste et Innocent), a nonprofit
organization. In AMI’s program, small groups of Hutus and Tutsis are counseled
over many months, culminating in the perpetrator’s formal request for
forgiveness. If forgiveness is granted by the survivor, the perpetrator and his
family and friends typically bring a basket of offerings, usually food and
sorghum or banana beer. The accord is sealed with song and dance.

The photographs on the following pages are a small selection of a larger body
on display — outdoors, in large format — starting this month in The Hague. The
series was commissioned by Creative Court, an arts organization based there, as
part of “Rwanda 20 Years,” a program exploring the theme of forgiveness. The
images will eventually be shown at memorials and churches in Rwanda.

At the photo shoots, Hugo said, the relationships between the victims and the
perpetrators varied widely. Some pairs showed up and sat easily together,
chatting about village gossip. Others arrived willing to be photographed but
unable to go much further. “There’s clearly different degrees of forgiveness,”
Hugo said. “In the photographs, the distance or closeness you see is pretty
accurate.”

In interviews conducted by AMI and Creative Court for the project, the subjects
spoke of the pardoning process as an important step toward improving their
lives. “These people can’t go anywhere else — they have to make peace,” Hugo
explained. “Forgiveness is not born out of some airy-fairy sense of
benevolence. It’s more out of a survival instinct.” Yet the practical necessity
of reconciliation does not detract from the emotional strength required of
these Rwandans to forge it — or to be photographed, for that matter, side by
side.

Sinzikiramuka, Perpetrator (opening image, left): “I asked him for forgiveness because
his brother was killed in my presence. He asked me why I pleaded guilty, and I
replied that I did it as someone who witnessed this crime but who was unable to
save anybody. It was the order from authorities. I let him know who the killers
were, and the killers also asked him for pardon.”

Karorero, Survivor:
“Sometimes justice does not give someone a satisfactory answer — cases are
subject to corruption. But when it comes to forgiveness willingly granted, one
is satisfied once and for all. When someone is full of anger, he can lose his
mind. But when I granted forgiveness, I felt my mind at rest.”

We are created to live in harmony within, with others and with our environment.
Animals are the most prominent and substantial beings in our environment who
offer us the opportunity to experience a deeper oneness with nature. Pets share
our living and working environments and we enjoy their loyalty, companionship
and beauty. Through our interaction with them, we learn to love and to receive
love. They fill gaps within our hearts and lives and sometimes help us to heal
the gaping wounds left behind from painful life experiences. We are ever
grateful for the presence of these majestic animals, be they small or large.

A friend recently introduced me to this video that captures a beautiful
encounter between Anna Breytenbach and a black leopard. Anna is an animal
communicator and you can learn more about her work from her website: www.animalspirit.org
This video is a short clip of a longer documentary of her work with animals.
This profound movie can be purchased through her website.

I share this story on my website because it teaches us so much about ourselves
and the world we live in. Through understanding, acceptance and love we can
heal ourselves and others, including animals. Also, we have many teachers in
our lifetime who provide us with wisdom and understanding and who open our
hearts that we may love. This black leopard and his caring heart in the midst
of so much abuse and neglect has become one of my teachers.

* * * * *

My Conversation with Mother Teresa

by Beatriz Gonzales

Introduction

Mother Teresa is one of my favorite people in the world. Since my years in
college, I have read her books and much of what has been written about Mother.
Her life of service to others made a huge impact on me. So much of what I have
accomplished in my lifetime has been inspired by her work.

In September 2007, Time magazine
featured her on the cover and wrote extensively about her inability to
feel “the presence of God in her life”. I was shocked to discover this part of
her life that I never knew and could hardly imagine.

The author, David Van Biema, writes about Mother Teresa’s agony at feeling cut
off from God:

"That absence seems to have started at almost precisely the
time she began tending the poor and dying in Calcutta, and - except
for a five-week break in 1959 - never abated.

Although
perpetually cheery in public, the Teresa of the letters lived in a
state of deep and abiding spiritual pain.

In more than 40 communications, many of which have never before been
published, she bemoans the ‘dryness,’ ‘darkness,’ ‘loneliness’
and ‘torture’ she is undergoing.

She compares the
experience to hell and at one point says it has driven her to doubt
the existence of heaven and even of God. She is acutely aware of the
discrepancy between her inner state and her public demeanor. ‘The
smile,’ she writes, is ‘a mask’ or ‘a cloak that
covers everything.’ "

He later writes:

Teresa
told her nuns that physical poverty ensured

empathy
in ‘giving themselves’ to the suffering poor and

established a stronger bond with Christ’s redemptive

agony. She wrote in 1951 that the Passion was the only

aspect of Jesus’ life that she was interested in sharing:

‘I want to…drink ONLY (her emphasis) from His chalice

of pain.’

Her written prayer to
Jesus:

Lord,
my God, who am I that You should forsake me?

The
Child of your Love - and now become as the most

hated one - the one - You have thrown away as unwanted -

unloved. I call, I cling, I want - and there is no One to

answer - no One on Whom I can cling - no, No One

--Alone.

After I read Mother
Teresa’s article, I carried her story in my heart for days. I could not imaginehow someone
who had given so much to the world, could not feel the presence of God in her
life. And this was not just “someone”. It was Mother Teresa! On a cool November
morning, just a few weeks later, I was finishing my meditation when she gently
moved into my quiet space. How bright and lovely she looked. It was nothing
like the Mother Teresa of the Time article. I was uplifted as my heart
had been so heavy since I had read that article. And this is what led to our
conversation below:

My
Conversation with Mother Teresa

November
7, 2007

Mother Teresa, I have read of your personal writings, and the pain you suffered
at not being able to experience the presence of God in your life for long
periods of time. Can you share with me your insights on this issue? I want to
understand it because there was a time when I too upheld suffering as somewhat
noble, but it didn’t bring me closer to God. Looking at your face on the cover
of Time, I am struck by your expression of sadness.

Yes, Beatriz, this is Mother and I am so pleased to be here with you in your
little office. What a bright place this is, and how moved I am that you seek me
out, for not many dare to ask me this question.

What I wrote about my life was personal. But it is not at all “personal”. It is
the state of humanity. I was like an actress. I held certain strong -such
strong beliefs- that I proceeded to “act out” on the stage of life. I was the
epitome of suffering. And so, naturally I was drawn to the place of most
suffering—Calcutta, to act this out to the extreme. And I did.

It is what I truly believed. I was an ignorant little village girl with dreams
of accomplishing something great for God. And so, this is what unfolded for me
in life.

It was not a path into the heart of God. It was the dramatization of the lack
of the presence of God in the world. I went to the place in the world where
this presence of God was most absent, and so this is what I felt—the absence of
God. This is what I expressed in my writings. It is not surprising. Is it?

God is not withholding himself from us. He is not withholding himself from
those who suffer. It is just that those who create suffering do so because they
cannot feel God. They are what is“not God”. And that is pain and emptiness. I
was swimming in this pain. I was this pain. And I hoped that this pain would
bring me into the heart of God. But it was just pain and emptiness. How could I
possibly experience anything else, and how could this possibly bring me to God?

I have moved beyond this life experience on earth. I am pleased with my work
with the poor and with many aspects of my life on earth. But my life was one of
contradictions. On the one hand I accomplished great things by serving the poor
and by bringing comfort to the suffering. On the other hand, I too was creating
pain. In my ignorance, I sought it out and I made more of it. Deep down within
me I held “suffering” as noble, as a path to sharing “the cross” with Jesus.
Even my perception of Jesus was distorted. I grew up in a very religious
environment that focused on the “suffering Jesus” more than on the living
Christ that is our nature. I latched on to this concept and through this hoped to
access God.

Once I transitioned to spirit, I came face to face with what I had created,
what had evolved out of my “little village girl” consciousness and it is not
who I truly am.

I let go of that little village girl and her simple dreams of achieving
holiness through suffering. I realized that much of my work had served to feed
that little girl and her distorted dreams, misguided beliefs and ideas. And
that was the last I saw of “Mother Teresa” as you knew her in life. That role I
lived out on earth ended.

I live with God. It is me. I have come to know me as Divine, and I know these
are the deepest words that I can share with you my dear friend. I am the
embodiment of God, as are you and every living being in the universe. This is
all that matters: Very simply, we are God. I am grateful that you have sought
me out today and that we have shared this time.

Mother,
may I share this with others?

Please share this with your friends. I am delighted that it means something
to you.

Peace.

* * * * *

Video
with Gregg Braden on dissolving Bladder Cancer in less than 3 minutes using
The Language of Emotion

Posted
September 26, 2013

Originally
posted by Jean Haines

"I published this post a long time ago, but I see it’s coming around
again. Let me say, Western medicine can’t ‘hear’ this! They do not understand
this kind of thinking! In my own healing process, I cured myself of
fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome – both of them ‘energy’ diseases
which are the result of our unconscious abuse of our energy body. I observed
what was going on and was able to stop that process in a very simple way, and
when I tried to tell them at UNC, Chapel Hill in a department that had to do
with spirituality and medicine, I gave up: They told me they’d already
developed their own double blind studies – all totally unnecessary, but they
simply couldn’t ‘hear’ me, because I think they are totally enthralled to the
concepts of Western medicine."

"What I think Gregg doesn’t say here – I can’t remember – but he does
say it elsewhere is that this woman was also schooled before this event to
understand the emotional issues and attitudes which she had that caused the
cancer to begin with. This is to my way of thinking very responsible healing.
Everything in us – spirit, mind, body — is all interconnected! Do we want
people running around in healthy bodies who have not healed their souls?
Disease is a result of blocked energy, trauma that we are holding
energetically in our bodies, and it manifests differently in different
people. Western medicine sees everything in isolation, though, and they
simply cannot hear what Gregg says, or what I tried to share at UNC. I know
I’m making a very strong statement here, but it is my opinion that as we move
forward and begin to better understand the causes of disease, healing disease
without also removing its basic cause is spiritually irresponsible. I
see it as tantamount to playing God."

* * * * *

Gregg Braden presents a video showing cancer being cured
(transformed really) in less than 3 minutes using a specific language of
emotion. This specific ‘language of emotion’ can be created within all of us
and anyone can learn it, By properly FEELING this e-motion within us with the
intention ‘as if it has already happened’, we are able to mirror the
expectation to this intelligent field that is all around us.

These clips are from a presentation called “Language of the Divine Matrix”
recorded in Italy, May 30th 2007. During the video you will see the screen
hidden at times but you are not missing anything since that entire part is
shown right before, as you will see for yourselves. In this video the patient
with the bladder cancer AND the three trained practitioners BOTH 1) believe
this will take place and 2) expect that ‘it has already happened’.

(The video
tape shown during Gregg’s live presentation was recorded at the Huaxia Zhineng
Qigong Clinic and Training Center, the “medicineless hospital” in the city of
Qinhuangdao, China.)

* * * * *

India.Arie - I Am Light (Lyric Video)

Living in the Light

posted September 18,
2013

This
conversation is with M, the cousin of a friend. He died suddenly in 2012
of a brain aneurysm. He was in his early 50’s and had recently married
for the first time. He was the eldest of two children. His sister H, died
of cancer when she was in her 30’s. Neither one had children. Both M and
his sister grew up in an atheistic family, believing that death was the
end and expecting nothing beyond this existence. The following are
excerpts from this conversation with M who is accompanied by his sister.

* * * * *

I reach out to the Light Beings this morning on behalf of my friend who
is inquiring about her cousin, M who recently transitioned to spirit. We
would like to visit with him today or at least understand his situation
in spirit.

Beatriz, we are here, your friends the Light Beings and who do we have
with us but M! He is pleased to be here and to know that his cousin is
calling for him. “I may have been shy in my life, but now I am able to
express my true self,” he says. He is rather animated and almost giddy.
We can see that he is able to carry on this communication with you and so
we will bow out. We are here if he needs us.

* * * * *

This is M. I am here with my sister. You didn’t ask for her but we are
very close. We don’t see our early transition to spirit as something
tragic, but more as the unfolding of our destiny. For us this was a
joyful reunion. Naturally we are sad for our parents who still grieve
both of our deaths. But within this is an important lesson for them, a
time of letting go and surrender.

Our families (yours and mine) chose to pass through this lifetime to
resolve family relationships. Other families have an abundance of
children and grandchildren. But we were struggling just to get married
and stay married. If we succeeded in marriage, we were then faced with
the inability to conceive. And yet, through these challenging family
relationships we could find ourselves.

I did. It may appear to be tragic that I died shortly after I married,
but my marriage was just a little extra experience, my gift to myself
before leaving the physical world. I was tormented by so many ridiculous
phobias about relationships when I was growing up. I was almost crippled
by this. At some point I moved beyond my limited self-perception and
ventured into a meaningful relationship. It may have been at the end of
my life, but I did it!

Question: M, you did
not believe in God during your physical life. Do you feel the same now or
has anything changed since you transitioned?

I didn’t have a religious life and was considered an “atheist.” This was
my upbringing. It was not about religion or dogma, but the lack of
awareness of my spiritual nature. At the time I didn’t know what was
missing in my life. It is only now that I have transitioned that I
understand this.

It is as if I lived my physical life hobbling on one leg. It’s not
that I didn’t have two legs that worked perfectly fine, but that I was
never told I had two. And so I hobbled on the only one I was led to
believe I had. You may find this odd, but look around you. How many
people believe themselves to be “worthless” and proceed to live out of
this belief in spite of the fact that they are loving beings worth more
than all the treasures in the world?

My parents didn’t know God and so could not convey this knowing to me. As
created beings we have an inherent desire, a need to seek out and align
ourselves with our Creator. It is how we know ourselves. I honor my
parents for they are loving and true. They were just incapable of
offering me the doorway to God. In the absence of this, I saw my parents
as my “creators” and as a child adored and worshiped them. This
childhood admiration of my parents turned into despair as I matured and
discovered my parents’ limitations. Without a vision of a life beyond
this imperfect existence, I felt lost. I didn’t know who I was anymore
and this filled me with fear.

It is not only about knowing that God is our Creator, but of living out
from this sense of self as infinite.

(he cries and is silent)

It is not that I cry because I have regrets. It is that I am deeply moved
by God's love which is vast and deep, so all-embracing.
Upon passing, H and I could choose to stay in the barren space of our
physical life, or we could move beyond to a new world that unfolded for
us. It’s not what our parents taught us. It’s not what they live. It’s
not what we lived. We are greater than anyone around us could possibly
convey.

When I passed to the spirit world, I came with a heavy heart. I was
afraid that I would be nothing upon death. I felt that I had accomplished
very little in my lifetime, and could not see the purpose of my life.
What was the point of life? What was the point of death? These questions
filled me with fear.

Upon my arrival here,
there was no judgment. Initially, there was no one but me with myself.

All the beliefs about myself and the world around me were held
together with the denial of God and of any form of life beyond death.
Upon dying to the physical world, something totally unexpected unfolded
before me. I stood before a world that was totally alive, so different
from anything I had known. I had no point of reference to comprehend what
was playing our before me. I was struck by the realization that I was
very much alive. And yet, I hesitated. It was all so alien to me and I
would have missed it altogether had it not been for my sister H who took
my hand. I was calmed by her presence and the knowledge that she too had
discovered this world and was already a part of it.

This is when I made my choice to let go of the beliefs that held me
suspended in fear and to surrender to this new life that beckoned me. I
have to admit that part of my initial hesitation had to do with my love
for my parents. I felt that to accept what was before me would be to deny
them. I didn’t want to forsake them.

I was embraced by God. I had never known such love in my physical life. I
was struck by the most intense comfort and joy. I cried out the fears and
sorrows of my lifetime and emerged with a new sense of self. My sister
had gone through a similar experience. I know that we had many opportunities
in our lifetime to seek out the truth of who we are and to move out of
the limited perceptions of our parents, but we just didn’t. It’s as if my
parents, having the whole world before them, chose to live in a closet.
And we chose to share this space with them.

Question: Why did you
not seek out other truths?

I was very loyal to my parents and believed what I was told absolutely.
In my simple devotion to my parents, I didn't seek. And in times of doubt
I questioned myself instead of my beliefs.

The good news is that H and I have made peace with our upbringing and
with our parents. We stand ready to greet them both when they transition.
We will be there to support them to awaken to their truth. We are excited
about this for we can see that our parents have suffered much longer than
us. We were blessed with short lives. Our parents were loving, but the
most essential aspect of life was missing……..the knowledge and experience
of God as our Father, and with it the knowledge of ourselves as infinite.

My cousin, you broke away from the family and went your own course. You
moved to another country. Maybe you don’t see it in yourself, but we see
that you had so much courage to break away from the family and seek. Our
hope is to facilitate to our family this new understanding of who we are.
It is really the shedding of the distorted perceptions and beliefs that
is most challenging. For once we do this, we discover that we had
everything within us all along. We just didn’t know it.

We want you to know that we are here to support you and we appreciate
that you have reached out to us. This is beautiful as we see it from this
side—that someone can extend themselves to us from the physical realm. It
is almost inconceivable to most people on the earth, I am sure. But here
you are, and here we are, just a breath away!

We bid you good-bye our dear cousin and friend.

*
* * * *

Living in the Light

posted August 5, 2013

The
following conversation involves G who died recently of abdominal cancer. She shares
about self-hostility and its impact on her physical body.

* * * * *

Conversation with
G:

Listen to me Beatriz for I feel that my words are coming as a whisper. I
need to project myself into the realm that already seems to be moving
away from me at such a pace. I am learning to navigate through this
transition still. I am not quite in this world of spirit,
but no longer in the physical realm.

I first wish to extend my love and heart to my children and my husband. I
love them so much and want them to know this. My love for them did not
die with my body. We live on, and in truth can love from a deeper space
within. It’s difficult to put into words, but so felt. To my friend who
lives far away, I want her to know that now there are no miles separating
us.

Do you have a question for me?

Yes. G my question is about your transition experience
and also about cancer and any insights that you might have, now that you
have transitioned, that relate with the expression of this disease in
your physical body.

I will express what I understand so far. Let me tell you first about my
transition experience. There was no pain. Maybe there is pain upon
passing but immediately upon dying to the physical world, one is embraced
by so much light and love which fills the spiritual senses, that the
physical experience is almost erased from memory. It is but a faint image
that has no bearing on the moment. What I do remember is all the love
that surrounded me in the last weeks and months before my passing, the
care of those who attended to me and the angels who frequently surrounded
me, although I tried to push them away. I was resisting my passing to the
end. I felt that to embrace my dying was to betray my husband and
children and so I didn’t allow myself to stay in this light that
frequently covered me with comfort and hope.

I wish that I had a grasp of what happened in my physical life and where
I missed the point. I am coming to grips with this now through the help
of my spiritual guides, but it is still something that eludes me. It has
to do with hostility toward self and others. This is one hurdle that
proved to be more than I could overcome: self hostility. I had anger
about what unfolded in my life from childhood, but that anger would have
been benign had I not turned it against myself. One does this when anger
is toward a parent. I love my mother and did not want to direct this
anger at her. It was so confusing really. It is the dilemma of the
child who grows up with abusive parents. There is the natural desire
to express filial piety mixed with pain and anger. I held that anger
within me for too long…………and it became like a dagger into my heart. I
did it to myself although at the time I could not see it. Now I am
working through this. Why it’s difficult to put into words is that, as
you can see, this is something I am just awakening to.

Even if someone hinted that I brought this illness upon myself, I would
deny it and push it away. But here it is, and I am laying it out to you
as clearly as I understand it right now………….even just as I become aware
of it.

I would like to say more, but the light beings signal me that I am
reaching the limit of my abilities to communicate. They will talk to you.

Thank you, Beatriz, for listening to me.

_______________________

Beatriz,
these are the Light Beings. We greet you with joy and love this morning.
We see that you are feeling tightness in your back. Your friend, G
has carried a big burden through this lifetime and still has not totally
released it. And so you feel the tension of this hold that she still has
to her physical life which is no more.

She is moving through necessary stages of awareness. She can take only
small bits of what is there for her to digest, but there is no hurry. She
is in good spirits and still flying high on the love and support she
continues to receive from her family and friends. She needs that right
now more than ever. And we are here to help her also.

We are glad to greet you Beatriz and to bring to you this fine person, G.

Love,

The
Light Beings

* * * * *

Living in the Light

posted July 29, 2013

This page contains the compilation of conversations with people who have
transitioned to spirit. Some are my personal friends, but many are caring
souls who wish to share their insights and lessons learned through their
transition experience. Most of my friends are people like you and me who
lived simple lives on earth.

I introduce to you my friend U. She transitioned to spirit just seven
months ago after a long illness. U is a gentle soul who deeply cares
about others, and naturally gives of herself to anyone in need. Her life
on earth was not an easy one, but she always had a smile to give. Even in
the last few weeks of her life, I tried hard to contain my shock about
her situation, but she remained calm and re-assuring. I spoke with her
ten days after she transitioned. I share with you these excerpts of our
conversation.

* * * * *

This is U. I am here in the spiritual world now. I took a breath in while
in the physical realm and then my out breath was already on this side.
How quickly it all went…….just a smooth transition. I have to say that I
am very relieved to have made this transition. I was ready for it even
though I didn’t realize it quite like that. I was afraid that I had not
fulfilled my purpose in this lifetime on earth, and that I would be
judged before the court of God.

The
truth is that there is no court here and not one person had anything to
say against me. I am so embarrassed by my small thinking.

What happened is that I was immediately embraced by these big loving arms
of my Father, God. I was held in His arms for a long time and I cried.
These are my Father’s arms, for I recognize them clearly. And this healed
me.

At the end of my life on earth, it was not just that my body was wasting
away, but that I could no longer see or feel the meaning of my life. I
could not remember what I might have done to make a difference in the
world. And this was a source of my fear upon dying. But here, I was only
loved. I was shown my heart and my tenderness. I could see that I
extended my love to others in ways I never quite knew. I was just putting
myself down always, never feeling worthy. But that was just little me in
my little story. The real me lived on and this is all God saw. This is
all God saw.

Upon my transition, I came here and immediately I was ready for the next
step. I am so eager to learn and to move ahead on my journey. The most
striking thing for me has to be the feeling of “oneness”. We all speak of
it and we know it intellectually, but the feeling of being one with
everyone and everything is so expansive……I feel so big and infinite. This
I love and it moves me to tears every day.

How could I ever miss anyone if we are all one? I feel so connected in
love with my daughter and her family, my husband and all my friends even
though you are all in the physical realm. It is as if the moment I died
to the physical realm, I “popped” out of a very limited consciousness
into a very beautiful world. Sometimes, we look at a lovely painting and
we long to just be inside of it, to be in that environment. Now, here I
am, totally in this world of my dreams. It is so beautiful!

But what is most beautiful is my experience with God, my Father. I am so
in love with God. Maybe after awhile I will come down from this cloud of
love. But for now, this is where you have found me!

U.

* * * * *

We are not alone:
The presence of light beings

posted July 14, 2013

As sons and daughters of God, we are graced by our Creator’s love and
radiance, and embraced and nurtured by the universe. Everything we need
is for the asking. We have not known this and so have thought ourselves
to be little, lacking and alone.

The truth is that we are not only loved, but we are loved immensely!
We are surrounded by light beings who wish us to know that they are here
to support us and to light our way out of whatever darkness we may have
imagined and confined ourselves and others to. These light
beings may be nature spirits who tend to the earth, angels, guardian
spirits, friends and relatives who have transitioned, or universal light
beings of good will. Jesus comes often. Until now we may have not felt or
seen their presence with us, but that is all changing. Cameras are now
capturing life just beyond the third dimension and the perception of our
physical senses.

Know that you are not alone. Help in the form of wisdom and
understanding, moral support and comfort is available to you. The world
of spirit honors our free will and thus supports our sincere
efforts and desires to deepen our self-awareness and love of self and
other selves only when we ask.

In this section we are featuring four photos which reveal the presence of
light beings in the form of orbs. Each photo has a brief
introduction. My hope is that your heart will be lifted by the messages
that these photos convey, and that you will know that you are loved!

* * * * *

In 2003, Wayne Rutledge was on an overseas security assignment when his team, which had gone ahead of him, was ambushed and killed. On the second anniversary of their death in 2005, Wayne lit a candle and prayed for them in a church. He was inspired to light another candle and pray for all those who had made this ultimate sacrifice. He told them that later that evening he would be working outside and invited them to come and visit. At midnight, Wayne started to take photos and a few orbs showed up. As he extended his invitation to all those for whom he had prayed earlier, more orbs appeared. He held out his arms and took this photograph with them.

Photo submitted by Wayne Rutledge, October 2005,
Louisiana

This photo was taken in September 2005 during an
evening labyrinth walk in New York, and captures the guardian spirits of the
participants in the event.

Photo
submitted by Gillian Corcoran

Living in the Light

Our sense of self and the world around us is limited by our three dimensional
life experience. In truth, we are infinite beings of light who transcend
this seemingly solid world. Many of us have caught glimpses of this essence of
light that we are. Sadly, with time and the stresses of everyday life, these
insights into our nature tend to fade away from us.

I share with you here two conversations that I had with friends who have
transitioned to spirit. I feel very fortunate to have had near death
experiences (NDE) as they awakened me to the knowing of ourselves as light.
When my friends transitioned to spirit, I discovered that I could communicate
with them and have recorded many of these conversations. I also have
conversations with others in spirit who want to share their experience upon
passing as a way to support us.

* * * * *

(Amy is a child who transitioned at the age of nine. I met Amy through this
conversation. She is not someone I knew before. I begin with her insights onbeing because they are so poignant).

Amy

This is Amy, and thank you for having me here. I was young in age when I
transitioned, but I was very aware of everything that was going on in my life,
even for being 9 years old. I died of a brain tumor. This means that I was sick
for a long time (a couple of years actually). I had gone through very
aggressive treatment, so my body was very weak when I passed. It took me great
effort just to stay intact – body and spirit – in the last days of my life on
earth. I tell you this because transitioning for me was a big liberation. I
didn’t want to be in that body any more, and I didn’t have the power anyway to
stay in it. My experience of dying was total liberation. I was a free child and
I was flying when I came to the world of spirit.

I came to the spiritual world looking for Heaven. Everyone had spoken to me of
heaven and I looked for this beautiful place that was filled with angelic
beings and fluffy clouds. It wasn’t quite like that.

The experience of passing was so profound that I don’t think anyone in the
physical world is capable of imagining it. I think that the concept of angels
and Heaven that was presented to me was the closest that anyone could get to
describing the spiritual world. But passing to this world of light is
indescribable in human terms. It is more than what is here. The experience
cannot be described.

I became pure light and as light does, I blended with the light of other beings
whether they were angels or people. And so I was embraced by intense light and
love and a sense of being home. I came home.

What is the most profound lesson I have learned since I passed? What can I
offer those in the physical realm as a way to help them? This is the moment I
have waited for…….to share this with you.

The idea that we are “born” into the world is not totally accurate. I think we
wake up to the physical world when we are born as babies, but we have always
“been”. I realized when I transitioned that I had always been living as this
light and I had this brief time on earth as this child, Amy. Even as this
child, I still was light, but the physical world and my physical body were so
strong, that they clouded my sense of self as light. It was when I no longer
had my body that I could once again express myself fully as this light.

We were never meant to lose our sense of light…….even on the earth. Heaven is
not separate from the physical realm, only in the minds of people. Heaven is
meant to be experienced in the physical realm. This is what I want to share
with others. This is my message………Let your Light shine!

*
* * * *

(T is a friend of mine who transitioned several years ago after a long illness.
I had this conversation with her within a day after she died).

Hi Beatriz, this is T. I have made it to the other side. Isn’t this so amazing?
I feel that I have this window open for me to make a connection with you and
with my family, but at the same time, I feel that this window will close
somehow, that soon I will move into another space that is not so accessible to
the physical realm. I guess what I am saying is that I am still very connected
to everyone on the earth, so I want to say my “good-byes”.

T, it is good to get in touch with you and to feel your presence.
How was your passing? Were you in pain at the end? Did you expect that you
would pass this soon? How are you doing now?

I would describe my passing as a “drifting” out of consciousness, out of
this sense of solidness in the body to one of being free to move without its
cumbersome restraints. You have to know that my body had become a great burden
to me as it quickly was deteriorating. It was a surprise to me to realize how
my body was leaving me. But at the same time, I went through periods recently
when I was filled with exhilarating joy. I sensed that my transition was
coming, mostly because of these experiences and also a sense of peace that
would overtake me that is difficult to describe. Now I find myself in this
space where I am surrounded only by peace, stillness…………a quietness that must
only be felt on this side………….the I AM Beatriz. This is the I AM.

I feel that I am so big, so knowing, so loving………it just must be God. I
am so overwhelmed by this experience. If I could I would package it and send it
immediately to (my children) that they can know the love that is there for
them. How we have tried to express this love as parents to our children, and
how we have fallen short of it….only because we ourselves could not access it.
Do you know what I mean Beatriz? (My children) are my pride and joy. I am so
grateful that I could birth them. Even my love was so lacking, they thrived on
whatever they got. And I am grateful to (my husband) who made this experience
of motherhood a dream come true for me. I was older when I had my children, and
my health was not good. But there they were…..these beautiful healthy children!
I am sad to leave this physical realm, because I feel the unbearable pain of
being separated from my children physically. I want them to know that I am
always by their side. My hope is that they will know it as an experience. We
are all moving into uncharted waters here and our relationship will need to be
re-calibrated, you could say.

Well, there are no “pearly gates” that I have encountered yet. I am here, still
here in my home. I want to be here to greet my friends as they come to see us.
I want to share some of this peace that I feel with my friends. I am present
here for them. Beatriz, I always so wished that I could offer something to
others, to facilitate God to them. Now here I am. You want to experience God,
come to my home. Bring flowers from your garden. I will be so delighted that my
home is filled with such love and beauty. I want to lift you into this space of
love and peace as my way of saying “good-bye”.

To answer your question, I was not in pain when I passed. I was lifted from my
body long before I breathed my last breath on earth. I think that at a certain
point, the body just cannot contain the spirit and so I lifted out of it. There
was no fear……..just surrender. I surrendered my life to God. And that is what
triggered a most beautiful experience of passing into a new life. This is where
I am now. As I said, I feel that I will soon move on, but right now, I am still
here close to the earth and to everyone. It’s an amazing experience. It makes
me even a little shy that everyone is so focused on me. But this is how it is.

Beatriz, I will say good bye to you now. I love you my dear sister. You touched
me deeply so many times. Even as I reflect on my experience in the moment, I
honor you, as I know that I could be here because you gave me so much. My
“Aha!” moment came that day at the retreat at C’s when I realized we are the “I
AM”. That was several years ago, and I have to say, that was a major turning
point in my life. It is as if I was going in one direction, and then suddenly I
was turned around and literally moving in the opposite direction. I was reborn
through this realization of the meaning of I AM.

T, I am glad to know that I could share something of value to you in
your course in life. You are a precious woman, mother and sister. I am sure
that (your husband) would say you are a precious wife. We honor you and bid you
farewell on this day of your Ascension.

Wait Beatriz, don’t go yet. Let me say good-bye to the B family who so lovingly
took me in and cared for me. I am so deeply moved by their love, their depth of
caring. Let me give a big embrace to the whole family. This was so healing for
me. I feel that God gave me this experience in their home to comfort me, to
show me the depth of the human heart. I needed this experience somehow before I
could pass to this side. It healed me. I love them so much.

Thank you Beatriz for taking this time with me. I am so grateful to share this
time with you. And please feel free to share this with my family and friends.
It is me, T.