An Uninvited Guest

an uninvited guest settles in the valley of my heart makes a home within my chest and refuses to depart

the mountains of my lungs are crumbling down beneath his weight as he pollutes the peace once there with oppression and hate

there are waves of emotions that pound against my veins lost in a whirl of wind as they rage in a hurricane

the currents get rough and I find myself lost at sea within a jagged ocean as vast as the emptiness I flee

my nights have grown longer as I struggle to fall asleep my days have blurred together and my body has grown weak

tracks run over my wrist as the departing train voices its last call is it better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all?

emotions cloud my thoughts smoke fogs up my mind they tell me I’m not good enough that I’m not worth it to the Divine

my faith is shaking I can’t find who I am I am enchained by anxiety as desolation takes command

saltwater shakes my core and spills over the rims of my eyes as the ocean drowns me I succumb to numbness inside

I frantically glance into the distance and find His lighthouse shining from miles away guiding me home from tides that make me stray

He shows me the universe; constellations trace my skin and even when I’m breaking, my galaxies shine from stardust within

He shows me the dawn; as it breaks, so do I but there’s a beauty in my breaking as red and gold paint the morning sky

To Him I am worth more than this world entirely and that’s all I need to overcome my haunting thoughts of mortality

an honorable guest has settled in the valley of my heart He illuminates it with hope and light in places I’ve broken apart

Mental health disorders have been plaguing both Muslim and non-Muslim communities at an increasing rate. One in five adults suffer with a mental illness each year within the United States1. More Americans struggle with depression than they do with coronary heart disease, cancer, and HIV/AIDS2. Unfortunately, stigmas founded on misunderstandings of mental illnesses are common. Some may, for example, wrongfully attack the faith of someone who is depressed by claiming it to be weak. Others may inappropriately label the lack of energy that a depressed individual struggles with as laziness. In turn, those that are suffering turn away from getting the professional help that they need from fear of what people may say.

The “uninvited guest” in this poem refers to depression. The poem’s title aims to demonstrate that depression is just as real as any other physical disease that one may have. It isn’t a state that those suffering choose to be in; rather, depression appears uninvited and begins to govern the mind and body of the victim.

As a young Muslim, I have witnessed many of my close friends struggle with depression. I wrote this poem to bring to light their challenges so that we may put ourselves in their shoes and get a glimpse of what it truly feels like from their perspective. The poem in particular follows a story of an individual who is in agony on the inside and has been afflicting pain to themselves through “tracks” or cuts on their wrist. They contemplate suicide but ultimately overcome that thought through recognition of the worth that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) attributes to them. By reflecting on the beauty in the world that He created, they begin to see the beauty that He has similarly placed within themselves as well.

Overall, the purpose of this poem is to share the complex nature of depression, the thoughts that may plague the minds of those that are depressed, and ways in which we can all look at the signs around us to remember our Creator, our purpose, and our worth in times that we feel lost and hopeless. I believe that by sharing experiences and having open and honest conversations about mental health, we can become a step closer to shattering stigmas and improving access to treatment and services as a community.

Shaziya Barkat is currently a student pharmacist at Midwestern University’s Chicago College of Pharmacy. Aside from her interest in pharmacy, she also holds a strong passion for photography, art, reading, and writing. Shaziya believes that with words comes self-expression and that everyone has a story that needs to be heard. She joined MYM in hopes of using her passion for writing to not only self-reflect upon her life and Islam, but also to depict the day to day struggles, hopes, experiences, and perspectives of a young Muslim woman.