Most Popular Posts

Travel question: Are you a planner? Or is your partner?

I have a (sweeping and wildly generalized) pet theory that every relationship has one planner and one person who flies by the seat of their pants. With almost every couple we know, one person always takes charge of planning the trip—booking flights, scouting hotels, reading about the destination—while the other person is happy to just show up and see what happens. Do you think that's true?

Before we met, Alex would take trips that were virtually unplanned; he'd arrive in a new place and wander around exploring. Meanwhile, I’m SUCH a planner. Planning gets me really excited for the trip, so I plan embarrassingly far in advance. (Last year, our Christmas trip was booked by June!) I like debating places to stay and discovering restaurants loved by locals. Usually I'll create a Cheat Sheet with all the info together in one place. Alex used to tease me about it, but now I think he sees the method to my madness. Tell me I'm not the only one?

Interestingly, researchers from the Netherlands discovered that the largest boost in happiness from a vacation doesn't come during or after the vacation, but instead from the simple act of planning a vacation. According to the 2010 study, "vacation anticipation" generally boosts happiness for eight weeks, reported the New York Times, whereas after the vacation "there is hardly an effect." Furthermore, a U.S.-based study in 1997 found that "vacationers were happier in the period leading up to their time off than during the vacation itself."

I'm curious: Are you a planner? Or your partner? Or neither? P.S. The weird thing we do on vacations.

(Photos of us back in 2008 in England. The last few were from my cousin's wedding, when were too tipsy to take a decent photo)

217 comments:

It's funny because my husband plans virtually NOTHING in life (that's me) but he LOVES to plan for travel. I think it gets him excited for it, like you said. I usually just let him go because he knows what I like to do and he's never let me down :)

PS you look so much like Lucy in the top picture. I had to look twice!

I am a TOTAL planner when it comes to travel! Do you think that is a woman thing? Although my brother plans a lot too! We are planning to go to the Ocean in April and I'm not even sure it's going to happen but I am still giddy about the possibility :)

I am a complete planner. My husband, on the other hand, is totally not. He tacks activities on once we get there. I'm like "But we're paying MORE than if we booked in advance." Meanwhile, he's like "But it's an awesome magic show! We're going!" It always ends up fun. :-)

You are right on in your theory. I plan everything... hotel, restaurants, sights to see, transit, etc and my husband is along for the ride. That said, I let him corral the kids and the luggage. Everyone has a role. :)

I am definitely the planner, but my husband is more laid back and has shown me the joy of spontaneity. So I try to have a happy medium on our travels, instead of bringing ten things to see/do I only pick three ahead of time. But I definitely LOVE having a trip to look forward to.

My boyfriend and I take turns being the trip planner. I think that whenever we go somewhere that one of us has been to before that person automatically becomes the trip planner. Back when I was single I played both roles: I'd create a huge list months in advance of all the places I COULD go and then when I'd got to my destination I'd usually make it to two or three of my planned places and then wander around them, finding new places along the way.

I'm definitly the planner in my relationship. My husband hasn't ever really gone on a trip so I think he really just doesn't know what to expect. But I get super excited with all the nitty gritty details. Such as were going to eat here on this day, see this sight, try desserts here. Were planning our very first trip as a couple and he doesn't even know who our airline company is. But I'm definitly glad it's me planning it ... I kinda love the control.

Are you kidding me? I am a total planner...I started planning my trip to Europe 6 months in advance...and totally agree with that study...Planning trips is my favorite part. Its also why I started a travel blog. So I could plan trips even if I have no money to actually take them.

I plan everything as far out (I think it's stress relief/everyday life relief for me to scout hip hotels and adorable AirBnB apartments) - I ask friends for recommendations and email myself addresses of restaurants I want to try, although I never actually set anything in stone schedule-wise.

My husband would totally just show up someplace and fly by the seat of his pants if I let him. Not that he doesn't appreciate having things planned, it's just not something he wants to do himself.

Oooh! Good topic! I am definitely the planner, but ONLY because my husband can't figure out how hotel bookings, and airplane tickets work out, haha. On our honeymoon, though, we only booked the flight.. nothing else. We wanted it to be an adventure. So when we showed up in Bangkok, it was slightly stressful, but it became easier to navigate as time went on. We look back seven months later and realize that the majority of the trip, we had absolutely no idea where we were going or where we were at! If we wanted to head North, we'd grab a train and go. If we wanted to go to an island in the South, we'd book the flight the night before and head out the next day! There's something curious about finding adventure in the unknown.

My boyfriend and I take turns being the trip planner. I think that whenever we go somewhere that one of us has been to before that person automatically becomes the trip planner. Back when I was single I played both roles: I'd create a huge list months in advance of all the places I COULD go and then when I'd got to my destination I'd usually make it to two or three of my planned places and then wander around them, finding new places along the way.

Haha I think this is totally true. Because I will lurk around the disboards.com forum for a few weeks every time we're planning a trip to Disney World, even if I'm just reading dumb threads about what to pack (like I haven't been there a dozen times).

I try planning out trips, but I get so stressed out about picking the right hotel, booking flights, and planning transportation to and from the airport! Dont get me wrong - at first I'm excited about going somewhere new, but once I try to find hotels I get so overwhelmed by all the mixed reviews about the hotels I look at. I end up giving up halfway through. Haha

Planning is half the fun. More than half, actually! To do so lets me have the fun of wandering around new places long before I ever actually embark. That said, when I'm actually on a trip, it's often the unplanned, serendipitous moments I tend to remember best. But I feel that the planning helped put me in the right place at the right time to enjoy those moments.

I plan the trips, because traveling is my thing. My husband never really traveled before he met me. But my travel planning involves purchasing plane tickets and a travel guide. I love exploring when I get there and not planning an itinerary. This makes my travel anxious husband go nuts (not to the point he would actually plan anything, haha). So to compromise, I plan a little by booking some hotels/apts at least. Other than that, I like to wing it. This has worked well for both of us on our last few trips :)

For short trips, I'm a planner - but my boyfriend likes to fly by the seat of his pants always (and it's irritating). We're heading to Europe for four months in July and although I typically like to plan things, I cannot even imagine planning a trip of that length. So I left it up to him.. and it's basically just an outline. No set plans so we can come and go as we please. I think it's going to work much better than meticulously planning everything. At least, I hope ;)

Neither of us really plan anything, but our last little weekender to Portland, Maine I planned a few things! We're from New Brunswick, Canada and it's about a 5 hour drive so I thought it would be worth it! And you're right, it was so much fun picking little spots to eat and such. Although, the most fun is throwing out all plans once you get there and instead of eating at all those fun breakfast spots, eating pain au chocolat at the bakery every morning :) Love your blog! <3

WOW! This is so true and so interesting!! I'm def the planner. I was actually just talking to my husband and asking why doesn't he seem excited about our upcoming beach vacation? (first one with our baby daughter!) and his response was: well it's not until 4 weeks from now so who cares? Me on the other side have been dreaming about it weeks before booking it and now weeks after booking it! everyday it makes me soo happy just to think about it! I guess the moral of this post is: Book your vacations way in advance to squeeze every bit of happiness from them :)

My husband is totally the planner, especially for trips. He always needs an activity during the day. Over the years, I've seen the value of planning ahead -- I get excited for the trips, love reading about things to do, see and eat, and it helps us not waste too much time debating choices once we're there. Although I do occasionally remind him to keep an afternoon open for exploring or beach laying. :)

I love love love planning trips! Sometimes I'll go on travel booking sites and just browse fares, even if I don't have any upcoming travel plans, just for fun. I'm totally a planner and my boyfriend just goes along with it. He says it's because trusts me to do a good job, but I think he just prefers to wing it :)

Oh Jo! Currently, I am surrounded by "cheat sheets" on my desk - a whole tree has gone into my planning. We are off in a month to Turkey & when I read your post, I literally got goose bumps regarding the part about anticipating the trip. For me, even though I am such a planner, I often feel overwhelmed by all the work involved in making our trips perfect, so to read about the study, really reminding me to surrender to the process (so that I can enjoy it). Thank you so much for this post! It couldn't have come at a better time. xo Carrie

I am definitely the planner! I've been planning a two week trip to Italy (babymoon!) that we're taking in May, and it's making me so excited. We are going to spend 4 nights in Positano... your time there looked so amazing! I will be 6 months pregnant though, and I'm hoping my husband will become well-versed in our travel plans before we depart so that i'm not stuck being the travel guide. Anything you didn't do on the Amalfi coast that you wish you had? We're definitely doing a boat trip to Capri!

We're both planners but he's a bit more structured and organized than I am. I totally believe that you get a boost from anticipating the vacation - that's why we always have one in the works. We plan and book a looong time in advance as well. We live in cold, snowy Canada, and our vacations are the only thing that gets me through the winter. We did a getaway to a fancy hotel in the mountains in January, and just recently did an Arizona and Vegas trip. We're off to the UK in April. He does most of the physical booking, but we discuss hotels together, I have a packing list that I am always updating, and we talk about what we'd like to do.

Often we end up doing a whole lot of nothing, and planning involves saying "we're off to the pool then X restaurant" since we both need a break from our busy jobs!

My husband is a huge planner... and I love it! He takes lots of times on planning always the best trips ever! I think I couldn't do it (and also I might be getting spoiled haha)Love your blog!!Fernanda

As soon as I come back from a trip, I'm planning the next one! Helps me take my mind off the sad fact of vacation ending...I'm the planner in terms of reading up about the place's important sites and history and where to stay, but my boyfriend is the flight booker and hotel caller because he likes to try to find the best deals and haggle over prices (fine by me -- I loathe that stuff). He also is the designated "food czar," and I'm the "activities czar." It works out well! :)

Oh, I so love this topic. I'm the planner. I've been planning our vacation to Costa Rica for months and my boyfriend just realized last week that we aren't going to a resort...He very much holds the attitude of "We're going to Costa Rica! What more do I need to know than that?"

For me this isn't relationship specific- I'm alllways the trip planner. When going to Italy with a group of nine friends I arranged all hotels, delegated certain duties, and created individualized itineraries. I'm ready to admit I may have gone over the top on that one.

Usually he takes care of the dates, flights and hotels while I take care of the sites, activities and food (the good stuff!) But I totally agree with your one planner/one spontaneous theory. I have seen the same thing in all my friends too. He's the planner and I am the no plan one in our relationship.

This is me to a T. I've always struggled with a bit of post-travel depression and always wondered how that pure happiness could drop before my tan even fades. I think this explains it, truly. Since we usually only take one big international trip a year, the time in between can seem vast. We're trying to do a better job of starting to talk about and plan our next trip on the heels of returning from our last, so I have something to plan again. That and I offer up travel planning to all my friends!

I'm a planner and my husband isn't, although he has gotten much better about planning since we've been together. I think I've been able to show him how planning can save you so much unnecessary stress later.

i am a HUGE planner. i have found that if you wait to the last minute, you cannot get reservations for the cool boutique hotel. also, if you plan ahead, you won't show up at a museum or restaurant that is closed that particular day. or, the worst is when you come back from your trip and someone says, "oh, did you do such 'n' such? that is the best!". and i think 'rats! missed that'.

oh my gosh, this is so me, and i love that there's actual studies about vacation planning. i'm a planner and a review looker upper, and library book taker outer, and i am in this mode for a nice chunk of time. we booked our alaska land and sea cruise for june in january, and i'm still going strong. once it's almost time to actually go, i'm stressed (about packing, about weather) and i'm sad and anxious about leaving my cats! yes, i'm much happier in the planning stage, lol, and i'm glad this is a real "thing!"

Such cute photos of the two of you! I'm definitely the planner. No doubt about it. And I love that part. I buy books and look up every single thing I can think of on the internet, researching our destination. So much fun!Jennifer

I am 100% the planner. As a matter of fact I have a little notebook in my top desk drawer beside me, where I have been keeping notes for our upcoming spring trip. Its slim and portable and I plan to keep it in my bad while we travel. There's a page for each day and then I have pages designated for "Food" "Drink" and "Things to Try". I've been doing precisely this for years and it makes the whole trip go so smoothly. My husband trusts me to plan away, so he spends more time reading about the history of the place. He gets excited when I tell him about a detail, but rare is it for him to look into it himself. So yes, I support your theory!

I'm definitely the planner! I love planning out every aspect of the trip and my boyfriend is pretty much up for whatever I plan. I totally agree that I get a huge amount of excitement from just the planning the trip. And interestingly, I think my boyfriend just gets happy watching me happily plan and get excited for the trip.

Also, I've recently started using Pinterest to help funnel all our trip information! Places to stay, places to visit, restaurants, etc: http://dissolvedintosomething.blogspot.com/2013/02/using-pinterest-to-plan-trips.html

My husband and I split the planning responsibilities - he hunts for the best prices on hotels, airfare and other travel expenses like shuttles or car rentals, while I am in charge of researching what we can do once we get there including activities and where to eat.

My husband and I are both planners, so we each take different responsibilities. He books the restaurants and the hotel, and I'll book activities (including shopping, coffee, and snacks). It works out really well since he's most concerned about what we eat and if we sleep well, and I care more about what we actually DO. It also spreads out the stress of who is "responsible" for what we do, and we can both take the lead at different times. It also helps that we're both ok straying from our plans if we see an activity or restaurant that looks neat while we're on the go.

I am TOTALLY a planner! I usually make Word or Google doc that has all the important info (reservation info, restaurant addresses & hours, etc.), and sometimes even make a rough schedule of our day's plan. I'll do this even for day-trips. Good to know I'm not the only one!

I'm the planner. But it's interesting! because my husband and I recently returned from separate but equally cool vacations. He went on a guys-only motorcycle trip around Cambodia for 3 weeks and I met up with 10 amazing women for a yoga/clean eating/back- country skiing adventure in British Columbia. When it came to traveling solo (for the first time in years), I barely planned a thing in advance and even hitched hike a bit (gotta love small ski towns in friendly, Canada!) My husband, on the other hand, who NEVER plans had so much of his itinerary planned out weeks and months in advance.

My husband and I loooovvve to adventure travel but thought it was best to do these trips without the other and explore individual passions that otherwise take a backseat out of consideration for the other (ie I have no desire to dirt bike and he prefers the bunny hill over the big mtns).

We're now planning a mini trip to NYC for my 35th birthday in April. In typical fashion, I'm taking the lead on the planning, but really I'm cheating because we're renting AirBnB in the West Village and I'm using your guides as a reference. It's the best of both worlds! Thank you for this great post and thanks for the great guides.

*Here's a link to the women's wellness week...video and pics. It was amazing and COJ blog worthy! http://bhumimountaincamps.com/?page_id=32

This is so funny to me. My husband plans everything, and I plan nothing. I always worry that if I do have plans, I'll get stuck doing something that sounded fun at the time, but that I don't really feel like doing that day.

I am ABSOLUTELY the planner. It settles my nerves and gets me really excited about our trips. It works out well because I like to do it and my wife does not (although she has recently expressed her gratitude for my efforts, which was nice.) And once we're there and things don't go according to plan, she steps in and easily flies by the seat of her pants. It works really well!

My partner and I are the same, I plan, he doesn't. I definitely think that vacation anticipation makes you happy. We recently travelled to Hawaii and we were so excited leading up to it. I wouldn't say that the anticipation made us happier than the trip though, the trip was the best part. Someone should study post-vacation blues. We were a little sad the first couple days. My four year old announced he no longer likes where we live (in Canada) and that he just wants to go live on Maui!

I think we're actually a bit mixed. I love "accidental touristing" which is just a phrase my dad came up with to describe driving around and finding cool stuff to do on your own. But I also want to make sure I don't miss anything important, so I tend to pick a couple things per days of things we really want to do, and then everything else is up in the air. It's worked out well for us!

I'm definitely the planner. My husband is a total homebody and would probably never leave the house if I didn't make him. However! Once I get him out, he's fairly down for whatever. He knows I have a travel itch so he is down to do whatever I want to do. It's kind of nice but also kind of annoying...

We're both planners. But, we like to plan different things. He books the plane tickets and the hotels. I create the itinerary and decide exactly where we're going and what sights we need to see. Neither of us plans for restaurants until we're actually there, so we're still a little spontaneous. This type of planning is for the big trips though, like 2 months in China. For little trips, like a week in NYC, we barely plan, just book plane tickets and a hotel and go. Thankfully, the advent of smart phones has helped a lot with this type of travel!

I find that in relationships there's always one who navigates well and one who deals with the money. I'm the navigator, my husband is the money.

My boyfriend is SO not a planner. Actually, when he comes to visit me next I'm planning a surprise trip to New York. It's hard for me to keep it secret, and I'd love to tell him so that he could brainstorm with me, but I know he won't so I think it's worth keeping quiet.

The comment about the Google spreadsheet kills me. I'm trying to convince my boyfriend to start a gcal with me (we're long-distance! to track our visits) but he thinks I'm insane.

This is so true! last fall I planned two trips: one to DC/NYC and another riding a train up the west coast through Portland & Seattle. We didn't have the money for either trip but I was just so happy to plan them I didn't care that we weren't actually going!

We both handle some of the planning. I'm usually the one who takes care of arrangements for our pets/the house/our daughter, but he is definitely the one who books everything and does the most research. I contribute a wish list of a few things and he comes up with itinerary.

This is totally true. In my first serious relationship I was the one who flew by the seat of my pants and my boyfriend at the time planned everything.

Now that I'm older I enjoy planning things to look forward to and my boyfriend is very go with the flow and likes to take the days as they come. It's interesting because I notice this in every relationship too. There is always a planner and always someone who takes life as it comes. It's God way of balancing us couples out I'm sure. :)

I'm definitely the planner, but I remember reading that article in the New York Times and shaking my head a bit: even though I want to take the reins, it stresses me out! So many decisions! I definitely prefer being on the vacation to the planning itself. That was a fascinating article, though. I think about it (and find myself quoting parts of it) all the time!

Thank you for this post! I have always been the planner in my relationships-- romantic and otherwise.

In 2008, I was laid off from my job, and found that planning a brunch date or small dinner party was the only light at the end of the tunnel for me. Being unemployed can be very stressful/depressing, and in order to combat that, I found myself putting my all in to my plans.

I was happy to hear the phrase "vacation anticipation" mentioned-- that completely describes the feeling of excitement about an event. I'm feeling that way about my 2014 nuptials <3

I am definitely the planner! And my husband is the opposite. As long as he has plane tickets he feels ready to go. I do really love the planning and researching process of a vacation, and I would agree that a lot of the fun is the anticipation and visualization of the trip.

I am without a doubt THE planner! I am a very organized person to begin and I dislike chaos of any sort. Whenever we travel I have a little folder of any tickets, reciepts/confirmations and then have a list of places I want to go. I diligently research things beforehand. Sometimes it can put a burden on MY experience because I'm more focused on what's next rather than the vacation itself.

I've been talking about the charm in anticipation SO MUCH lately as we just booked a spur of the moment trip to NYC! That was two weeks ago. We'll be there on Saturday and I've got such ants in my pants!P.S. I'm the planner. I've been studying your travel guides. :)

You have a cheat sheet too? We just got back from NYC (Yesterday) and I was the one who did all the organizing. I had a Manhattan cheat sheet that worked out brilliant! It had everywhere I wanted to go, so if we were in that hood, we could pop in all the cool places. So, it was planned but loosely.

Those studies you sited are really interesting and I think they're very true. I will add that I just read somewhere that happiness also comes after some time has past after a trip...people tend to remember traveling fondly. I also think this is true. Travel is just a good thing to do when you can!

oh my gosh i am SUCH a planner. i booked our 3 month backpacking adventure more than a year out, i was so excited. that was back when i was 23 though, at 27 i'm still as eager but i can exercise more patience. i realised i love the planning process so much i get slightly depressed once i've booked the holiday - i'm such a loser! but then i guess it's exciting plan what to do during the days, and what to see. holidays are amazing.

I am a total planner. I even get a small moleskine and write down pertinent information like gate, airline, 800 numbers for my insurance (even though I carry the cards). It makes it so much fun. I'll split up the days and plan excursions listing address, phone website and even directions in case the smartphone craps out. I've been on quite a few vacations planned by others where they did not research anything and I came home with regrets. Who goes to the Yucatan and doesn't see Chichen Itza or even, monkeys? My friends, that's who! I don't want to be drunk in a pool every day, that's what my normal life is for.

Over 10 years:Early: He would come up with a list of places to visit or resturants to try. But, he would not plan ahead of time so we would show up places 10 minutes after closing or on weeks when they were renovating.I tried to be understanding but that didn't last long.Later: He gave up. I planned everything. Recently: After children and job promotions, planning everything just felt like too much work. I wasn't looking forward to trips anymore. To his great credit, my husband started helping with the planning. We now try to share the planning load (I'm still a little better at it).

I am DEFINITELY the planner. My husband just leaves it up to me to research, book flights/hotels/make reservations/put together an agenda. His excuse for not doing anything is because he says I have "better taste" and he is happy with whatever we do. Quite frankly, I don't mind doing all the legwork before a vacation. In fact, it makes me happy. And i quite agree that a lot of the fun of vacation is the anticipation of vacation itself.

I hate planning! I actually cannot bear to commit to stuff months in advance - I would always much rather book a last minute flight and see what happens.

The best holiday my husband and I ever took was to Spain for a friend's wedding, and this was because neither of us really planned anything, thinking the wedding would take over the whole trip. In fact it took over only a single day, and the rest of the time we spent wandering around the town in the sunshine, sitting in cafes, splashing around in the sea, eating late lunches, just generally chilling out. If we plan (it's always him who plans, not me), we end up running around visiting 'must-see' sites like lunatics, and come back more exhausted than when we left! Seriously, everyone's lives are so regimented these days - keep holiday time free & easy I say. Let go of your inner control freak & vote for no planning!

I am most definitely the planner when it comes to traveling. We do talk about the destination and make sure that we both agree but everything else he usually leaves up to me. I like to take charge but I have to admit that it would be nice if my husband would surprise me with a trip somewhere one day, in the near future (I hope). (:

I hate planning! I actually cannot bear to commit to stuff months in advance - I would always much rather book a last minute flight and see what happens.

The best holiday my husband and I ever took was to Spain for a friend's wedding, and this was because neither of us really planned anything, thinking the wedding would take over the whole trip. In fact it took over only a single day, and the rest of the time we spent wandering around the town in the sunshine, sitting in cafes, splashing around in the sea, eating late lunches, just generally chilling out. If we plan (it's always him who plans, not me), we end up running around visiting 'must-see' sites like lunatics, and come back more exhausted than when we left! Seriously, everyone's lives are so regimented these days - keep holiday time free & easy I say. Let go of your inner control freak & vote for no planning!

typically i'm super neurotic about planning for things; down to worrying if there will be a parking spot! but when it comes to big trips, mark takes such pleasure in all the research that i just trust he'll plan a great adventure for us. we're both fans of wandering, getting lost, and seeing what's to see, too.

In our couple we are both planners and non-planners to and we switch roles time to time. Usually I'm more excited (or maybe my boyfriend just doesn't show it) but he does the planning as well. HE really likes to check out Lonely Planet guides and check the map how to get around. I usually check for restaurants. About the hotel or BnB we always decide together, I love those evenings that we spend finding the perfect place.

We already booked our trip to France for July but it's mostly because there was a deal on the airline tickets. I do believe in the fact that we are happier before the trip then after, but I think I am the happiest when I lay on the beach in Italy or France. :)

I'm definitely a planner! I like to know what we're doing when and - I'm ashamed to admit this - I'll even schedule "relaxation time"! Oh dear. My boyfriend is much more relaxed but that kind of works for us because I make sure he's organised so that we don't miss flights and actually make it to our destination and he makes sure I chill out once we've arrived. It's a pretty good deal really!

On another topic, just wanted to say that I've loved this travel themed week Joanna - but now all I want to do is go on another holiday!

I loved this post. I agree that anticipation of a trip is the best. My husband and I want to take a cruise to Croatia/ Greece, but couldn't quite swing it this year. We hope to do it next year. We are so excited and the expectation of that experience will enhance our year! I do more planning now that I used to. It really makes your trip so much better! My husband is a seat of the pants kind of guy.

Girl... I'm a crazy planner but I've been working on the "letting go". It's sooooo hard! A few years ago, the bf and I went to Boston and I had made a spreadsheet that showed where we were going and when. In my defense, we had a lot of events and places we wanted to eat at! I was sooooo embarrassed when the bf asked me when our "free time" was and I pointed to a single one hour block out of the entire 4 day weekend. LoL

Since then, I've tried to plan the essentials (aka: what is the least I can plan and not lose my mind) and then just go for it. This gets more difficult when other people are involved tho! Like, the bf and I can paper-scissors-rock what we're having for lunch, but what are you supposed to do with another couple? or a group of 8! EEEEeeeeeeek! In those cases I need to plan or make sure someone has a plan.

Actually, our favorite thing to do when we are abroad is to walk around foreign cities. So neither of us really does a lot of planning. He always books the airfare and I always book the lodgings and we do both way in advance so we can get discounts. Then we get a map or a Lonely Planet guide whenever we get where we're going and we're set! We usually plan one or maybe two activities we really want to do in the space of a week, and the rest is just flexible wandering time (we average about 11-13 miles/day). We'll read the lonely planet guide in bed at night and circle things we want to check out; sometimes we'll plan our walks to take us there, but other times even that is too much responsibility!

The best trip I ever went on was with my good friend who's not a planner either, the most awesome serendipitous things happened to us nonstop for three days. It was so fun, including pulling out into a fourth of july parade by accident because we didn't plan to move my car in time. My car was completely muddy from driving around in Mexico, but we just waved to the crowds. Ah good times!!

I am definitely the planner! When my husband and I were in college we tried winging it on a roadtrip through Canada (ahem! not my idea), and it was a diaster! We ran out of money before we even got to our final destination. He lets me plan everything now. No complaints.

Unfortunately, neither my husband or I are a planner... Thus, we never go anywhere! Boo... I long to travel, but I don't know how to plan things. Neither of us went on family vacations when we were young (maybe one each, but that's it). We've only gone when someone else made all the arrangements... I know the anticipation is the best part, and the feelings of envy for others who are planning or going on vacation is the worst! We need a travel planner, Jo! Are you available?

I love to plain trips and the best is that time when I look for the best places, restaurants and news to discover in a new city... but I always have some lists to show him that he could take some decisions there (like one restaurant instead of other) :)

You are making sense here. My boyfriend is a planner and I myself is just happy to show up and be a good follower. Once he came to visit me and he showed me what he had planned right before he took the plane to the moment he seeing me. That's quite alright.

I'm not a guided tour kind of person but I do like to have all my details in order. My husband, though, planned our entire honeymoon and he did really well! It was nice to not worry about the honeymoon while I was in the midst of wedding planning.

I think both my boyfriend and I plan- a bit. I can go either way, really. I like to read up on places to go, but am not overly committed if something more comes up once we are there. He's the same way, which works well. He always insists on walking tours, which I used to poo-poo as too touristy. But let him book us on two (different trips) if he researched and did all the work for them, and both times I ended up loving them. They really oriented you and tour guides often had more "local" knowledge, which is fun.

I am a major holiday planner! I have spreadsheets, folders, email accounts. Booking flights and hotels just makes me happy. However, I'm trying to avoid the temptation to plan out activities while we're there and make the time we spend in a place a little more spontaneous.

For an upcoming holiday, my boyfriend is planning a road trip for us and I'm actually quite excited to be the tag along.

I'm totally the fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants-er. My partner is the planner. He keeps manila folders with different tabs for different kinds of information and keeps them alphabetized. We so compliment each other nicely, though; He keeps me organized and makes sure we see what we really want to see and I keep him spontaneous and open to adventure!

I am totally the planner but he's the "okay-er," meaning I get all the ideas and would plan a million trips for us, but he gives the official "okay." It works for us. He knows it. I know it. It's great.

To be fair though, my planning really just involves lodgings and timing and driving, etc. I look up activities to do and put some on a "MUST DO" list and others on an "if we feel like it list" and we just go from there. I'm not a spreadsheet, down to the minute planner.

I am definitely the vacation planner.We live in Toronto, Canada and in August last summer we spent six days in New York.I had a huge list of places to visit, restaurants to eat at and anything else and your New York guide was totally our inspiration. I spent hours looking at all your recommendations and suggestions and they were all fantastic.

The Meatball Shop and Co. definitely had the best meatballs I have ever tasted and the best pizza. Too bad we don't have them in Canada!

I'm definitely the planner! And I love being so. I'm currently in full planning mode for our holiday coming up in April. Most things are booked but now for the researching of cafes and restaurants and galleries to visit. And of course, the packing lists (one of my favourite parts of travelling!) - which, when you have an 18 month old...is essential! Thanks for posting!Jess | brownpaperbelle.com

I am totally the planner in my relationship! My boyfriend is the one that has the "It will all work out fine mentality." Together we get to where we intended to go and have lots of spontaneous fun too.

Well my travel buddy and I are both planners, so I think that is twice the level of madness. However, that also works well because we spread the research and booking, covering more ground and it results in a very well planned and detailed holiday... :)

We have been married 28 years and we have flip flopped on this issue. Back before computer my husband would do all the planning and I would show up. Now, I do all the arranging and he shows up. So, you just never know how things work out.cathywww.mabelandjean.com

I'm totally the planner! Our whole trip to Greece I planned every detail. My husband calls his style "playing it by ear". It will be interesting this spring though, when we travel to Lebanon to visit his family, since I won't be doing any planning and will be learning how to "play it by ear"!

My husband and I are both planners, but in regards to different things. He plans the flights and hotels, I tend to plan activities. Although lately we haven't been doing much planning for our long weekend trips. Which can be both great, and also frustrating when we end up spending a lot of time trying to find a place to eat or certain landmark.

I love this post - my entire blog is about planning trips - it is my passion in life (other than my hubby and three children, of course). You are spot on about one partner being a planner - it wouldn't work out otherwise - too many conflicting opinions!

I LOVE that my hubs plans our entire trip while I get to show up. I'm pretty much the planner of everything at home, so it's a really nice treat. On one trip, I never had to lift my luggage once - heaven!

and...re you being too drunk to take good pictures - peeshaw! I've been reading your blog for a while and have never seen a bad picture of anyone in your family!

Sometimes I plan trips that I know I wont go on for years! (ie: roadtrips in France, Trekking in Spain) But it's true, the planning makes me happy! And to answer the question: I plan and organize the details while my husband trusts that it will all work out without a hitch! I guess life is truly a balance. Great blog post as usual! -Ruthwww.ruthhanvey.com

And that study is so interesting! Funny, because my husband and I were just discussing how we suddenly feel so excited and happy despite the winter blues. Must be because we finally booked that trip to Paris... I can't wait!!!

hilarious! I was literally JUST thinking about this today. my man has a trip planned in August and nothing reserved, no research done - and it is driving me nuts, I am stressed already! all of our trips have had at least an agenda of how we are getting to and from, where we are staying when, and a lose idea of what we are doing (that I leave a bit more up to spontaneousness) - thanks to me ☺.

I think you're DEAD on. I am definitely the planner (and have many a cheat sheet myself) whereas my boyfriend couldn't care less. He definitely has Alex's sensibilities ;) And now that I think about it, most of my friends relationships are the exact same way!

I do more planning than my boyfriend, but we are BOTH planners. It can get a little intense, actually. We have traveled with our best friend a couple of times and he is amazing at getting us to just relax and go with the flow.

Would you ever want to write a post about how couples with these differences work it out? My boyfriend and I are just like this; he plans everything and I like to just show up and see where the wind takes me. I always plan just enough (like where to stay, seeing friends), but he thinks I'm being irresponsible and showing that I don't care about him or our trip by not spending more time researching beforehand.

My husband and I are both big planners. So sometimes we plan too much and one of us (usually me) gets frustrated and we have to take a break from planning. We don't really compete with our planning - we just over-plan or plan too much in advance. We basically know where we want to go for the next 5 years and I'm not joking :)

You're definitely not the only one! Im the vacation dreamer/planner! I have an almost 4-week old baby and Ive been telling my husband that whens shes 6months or so we are going on our first family vacation (even if its a roadtrip). She's my first and I know it wont be easy, but we gotta give it a go! Vacations make me happy! Im willing to give upa luxury or two just to be able to take a vacation!

Totally! Have you read the unified theory of muppets?: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/low_concept/2012/06/what_kind_of_muppet_are_you_chaos_or_order_.htmlIt's good for a laugh, but there's truth to it!

We travel alot with my sister and her husband. My sister is just like MY husband - they both like to fly by the seat of their pants. However my brother and I take great pleasure in creating itineries. We have to pretend that we are being spontaneous, while secretly referring to our spreadsheet :P

This is SO true! Totally me and my husband too, and I'm also the planner. It didn't bother me before we had a kid, but now that I literally plan and pack for 3 people I find it really frustrating. I told my husband last time we took a trip that it must be really nice to just get to show up and enjoy it (and not stress over how to pack for a different age kid everytime we travel!)

We are both. We travel a lot too and he plans what to eat and all the extra curricular activities ( such as the tickets to sumo finals in our last trip to Japan) while I plan our itinerary day by day...

I am the planner in our family, I always force my husband to find a couple of places he would like to see or things to do, while I plan everything else. My husband says that he doesn´t want to take a way the part I love the most. And I have to admit it, I love to research before a trip, to find the most authentic food, best shopping, cutes cafes and so on.

Oh God, that is exactly my husband and I! He is the planner. He is an army officer. Because of his job there are times when he is forced to leave the planning to me. I can plan, if necessary, but you will never convince me that it's necessary to print everything and have contingency plans for back up plans. Example: husband in Iraq and we need tickets for a wedding in Madison, WI. We were living in TN. We get to the airport, check in, despite my failure to print boarding passes in advance. We had a connecting flight at another airport...I had no idea which one. My husband had a heart attack. Really what difference does it make where you change planes? It's not a bus or a train, it will stop at the right airport and kick us off the plane and we can go find our next flight on the boards.

I am definitely the over-planner in the relationship. While my boyfriend is last-minute-planner. He also used to laugh at me (among some of my other friends) how I always buy plane tickets months and months in advance and how I always check lonely planet for best places to eat and I sometimes have "in case" situations planned ahead. So in general, I tend to think too much a times:)

My boyfriend is travelling a lot (like a lot lot, like more than I would like him to;)) due to work and tends to get less excited about the act of travelling and he feels basically home in every aspect about planning so I would say he is a great planner too when it comes to trips. We normally discuss things together and kind of sync (until the point that I gross the line;)). So I guess we do not match the pattern you mention when it comes to planning vacations. However when it comes to general everyday life, then yes, I am definitelly planner and he is the "we'll see":)

I LOVE traveling and I am the planner. My hubby I bring along for the fun. Sometimes I push him to try and then realize we all just enjoy it more when I do it, instead of trying to have him do something he doesn't enjoy. Plus planning the vacation is part of the fun. So, I've learned to except my role and let my honey do his....making me laugh =)

Goodness -- that is soooo my husband and me! I am the total planning travel-geek (there may be colour-coding involved), while my husband really is happiest if he doesn't have to think to much about a trip, make any decisions, or really process how much it's all costing... and I'm happy if we're travelling and he's happy!

I've always thought this was true. It certainly is for my husband and I. I'm a planner and I get so excited anticipating the trip, I think that's the best part. My husband thinks planning vacations is a pain and if I didn't plan one, we'd probably never travel. But once we're there, he always thanks me for making him go along with the plan :)

Oh I'm definitely the planner. Most times, my husband doesn't really know what we're doing until we're on our way. Its has become kind of a tradition to go over "our" plans en route. It gives us something to do on long car trip/plan rides.

TOTALLY true! I am the planner -- I have to have control of things. I even take over the planning when we go on a trip with our friends or family (I know - I'm a control freak, but I'm working on that).

And, I swear that if I plan things in advance, we see many more interesting things, and we have a lot more fun. There have been times on a trip where I didn't plan something, and then we wasted a bunch of time trying to coordinate our day.

As far as an Itinerary for the trip, everything doesn't have to be set in stone; but if we have several ideas of things to do and where to go and some good details (map, transportation, etc. - thank goodness for iPads!), then we don't waste time trying to figure out what we want to do and where we want to go.

Loved the vacation themed week btw! I am tired of this winter and dreaming of our trip to Mexico for our friend's wedding! Only 1 more month!

I am definitely more of the planner in my relationship; however, I never get it together THAT much in advance. It drives my boyfriend absolutely nuts, too, because he LOVES to just show up somewhere and wander and find stuff to do that way. I've actually started to see the beauty in traveling that way, but I also think he's come around a little bit to some slightly structured activities :)

I agree with you, I'm definitely the planner in my relationship. I can spend hours and hours reading reviews for hotels and restaurants and building the perfect flight plan. It definitely boosts my happiness ;)

TOTALLY. My boyfriend and I are planning (but I'm the one doing all of the planning) a three-month-long road trip this summer. I've seriously been planning it for a year now, making itineraries, saving hotels, planning outings, looking for deals... I definitely think that half the fun is in the anticipation! He can't handle it. It's overwhelming for him to plan anything longer than a weekend :)

It depends on who I'm traveling with! If I'm going with a super planner (like my boyfriend), I'm happy to just pick one thing I definitely want to do and let them plan everything else. When we went to Belize last year, my boyfriend made me go to the travel clinic to get shots and pills and even registered our trip with the State Dept. I'm more of it "it will be fiiiine...." kind of traveler. That said, I do love adding a new travel book to the travel book collection.

Funny. I am reading this while traveling solo, in India. I just booked a train for a trip I am taking in two days to Kerala. I don't know where I am going to stay, or what I am going to do. I had arrived in India, and with all the preparation to pack up, I had forgotten to read or research anything about what I was going to do. This has both good and bad consequences.

I so wish I were traveling with a partner who loves to plan. It usually completely overwhelms me.

I am the planner, for sure. And I love a full itinerary! When my best friend and I (who have similar travel psyches) backpacked in Europe, our motto was "we can sleep when we're dead!" My husband is happiest when he can wander, free from the stress of deadlines or due dates. With this in mind, I have slowly been learning how to "plan" "un-planned time" in our vacations. This makes me happy, because it is still part of the plan...but it really really makes him happy. Both of us end up happy, which is the goal of the vacay in the first place, right?

Something my husband and I realized on our honeymoon is that I like to plan the trip in terms of where to go, what hotels to stay at and how to get there. He likes to plan our daily activities and always finds great things to visit or do. I guess it's a left brain/right brain thing. He's good at living in the moment whereas I'm more of a down-the-road planner. Once we discovered this, it made every other trip so much easier; I get us there and then he plays Tour Guide. Match made in heaven.

I am definitely the planner out of the two of us, but my husband is the instigator! He's the one that gives my that extra little shove I need to spend money on travel, and I never regret it! He usually has a few things that are must-see places, but he's never too concerned about when or how... that's my job! :)

I'm just like you, down to the "cheat sheet." In fact, for my first trip to Paris, I had a little notebook, with homemade tabs, to hold all the information I could find: unique shopping, local restaurants, etc. My guy doesn't do the planning, but he likes to know what's happening ahead of time. Definitely not a fly by the seat of his pants kind of person.

I'm just like you, down to the "cheat sheet." In fact, for my first trip to Paris, I had a little notebook, with homemade tabs, to hold all the information I could find: unique shopping, local restaurants, etc. My guy doesn't do the planning, but he likes to know what's happening ahead of time. Definitely not a fly by the seat of his pants kind of person.

I used to be the planner, but then i got into a relationship where he was the planner so i backed off. My current boyfriend is NOT a planner, so I've reassumed the role. Being along for the ride is a whole lotta fun though, but I do agree you should plan something. That excitement is key!

I just think you guys are the cutest couple!! I am new to reading your blog and I love it, its such a joy to read every day. I even sneak at work and read older posts!!

And your son is the cutest little peanut ever! I love his newborn photos. I work in nutrition and work with a lot of breastfeeding mommy's and love that you have shared your experience. It is wonderful to have people describe the joy of it and not tell every one that it is painful!!

I'm more of a show up in a city and find the magic kind of girl where my hubby likes to plan the trips. However, I tend to do the organizational planning, like packing (for us both- my husband and packing is the most stressful thing I've ever seen) and organizing contacts and stuff while we're away. He gets his need to plan from his family. His mother planned Christmas 2011 in August 2010... which has actually been an issue for us because advanced planning is not something my family does, so for a while we were doing everything with his family and nothing with mine. And we both actually have more fun with my fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants family who thinks planning three months out is a lot, and as long as we get to see each other a little when we're together no biggie if someone wants to do something apart from the group. And, because his family plans things down to the minute and they are very stressful about any and all changes to what they see in their head... lots of expectations. It's funny, I'm pregnant with our first baby and they're even trying to plan their trip out the meet their grandchild like I'm going to go into labor on my exact due date. I finally had to put my foot down and say they are not allowed to buy their plane tickets until I go into labor... period. Unless they want to come out to visit later (they want to be there as soon as the baby's breathing air). They still keep saying, "But... but... but" and I say, "But nothing. My baby, my pregnancy, my rules."

This is awesome. My husband and I are both planners, though we each have our specific fortes (his is air travel, mine is locations and detailed itineraries, etc). We like to plan our next trip a long time in advance so we have plenty of time to save and schedule. We love to daydream about the details as soon as we start making plans, so much so that we are already overplanning a trip we plan to take TWO YEARS from now! And it's not even a major trip, like a safari or anything, we're just going to Disney World again! We totally realized the enjoyment we got from planning, but I had no idea it was a real thing. So glad to know that we'll be getting two years worth of happiness for our vacation dollars!

Here's where I wrote about our first trip to Walt Disney World with a toddler (here: http://growingupsenge.blogspot.com/2012/02/walt-disney-world-vacation-playing-at.html, and here: http://growingupsenge.blogspot.com/2012/02/walt-disney-world-vacation-playing-at.html)

And about planning a trip to Norway for my co-workers and then ending up traveling with them at the last minute - while I was 5 weeks pregnant, leaving a toddler at home! Yikes! (http://growingupsenge.blogspot.com/2012/09/adventure-in-norway-or-what-did-you-do.html)

My husband is the planner and he does it immediately. I always procrastinate booking flights and I am happy to just wander around in new places. I have a good sense of direction and that has served me well so far :-) However I am glad my husband is more organised :)

That's so funny, I am DEFINITELY the planner in our relationship. I've made an itinerary planned to the hour for our vacation we're taking in June lol. (of course, if we will actually follow it to the hour when we get there is another matter). BTW, you look absolutely gorgeous in those last few pictures. such a natural beauty! :)

I am the planner I have learned that all doesn’t go as planned and to relax as long as I'm having fun. But I like order as long as the hotel, flight and general plans are ok I'm okay. I freak out if not.

I am the planner I have learned that all doesn’t go as planned and to relax as long as I'm having fun. But I like order as long as the hotel, flight and general plans are ok I'm okay. I freak out if not.

My husband likes to plan the airfare and sometimes the hotels - mainly to get the best deal - but I am definitely the planner and do exactly what you say you do! I love the planning and researching and completely agree that the anticipation is the best part!

I am definitely more the planner in general in my relationship. I completely see that to be true, my fiance is much more fly by the seat of his pants. Although he likes to help pick hotels, I tend to see myself much more as a planner for the actual vacation part !!

Jo, loved reading the blog. I am the designated planner in our relationship. Our summer trips are sometimes booked a year in advance. Packing checklists are done months before we are to leave and of course travel documents and kids activities for airplane/car rides are first things done off my master "to-do" list. My husband on the other hand has one job...show up. Once when we were first married, we were leaving for a long weekend with friends and he packed his things 5 minutes before we were leaving in a platic supermarket bag. I knew from then on, I needed to take the lead in this department.

My husband and I both like to travel "op de bonnefooi", not planning too far in advance. I leave the flight booking to him - he enjoys the challenge of finding cheap fares and he's GOOD at it. I like to have accommodation at the first port of call - last year that was Saigon - booked in advance, since flights are long and we just want to go from the airport TO somewhere where there's a bed and a shower. I usually take care of that, searching Internet and reading reviews. And once we actually get wandering, I go online the day before we head somewhere new and book our hotel/guest house then. Things like buses and boats and trains we arrange a few days ahead. Together. So we pretty much share the responsibilities! :-)

I do a lot of research before the trip, but I don't really book anything or write anything down. I just do it to get an idea of the place. Then, while I'm there, other than doing the 'must do' things, I prefer to just wander and see where it leads me. This is definitely a better technique in Europe and Australia than it is in Asia though.

I have found lately that going to restaurants recommended by Lonely Planet is a really safe bet, though. There are fewer disappointments that way. So that's somewhat plan-oriented...

Ooh, I love the anticipation of a trip! My husband and I are both planners when it comes to trips, so I think we kinda alternate. We went on a 5-mouth journey around South America last year, so we did a lot of research together before we left, and then while we were there for different legs of the trip one of us would naturally take charge. TripAdvisor was our best friend on that trip!

I always plan ahead! It's the only way to make sure you get to do everything you want. We went to Italy for 2 weeks and I made a spreadsheet! A lot of places are only open certain days and times, so it was important to organise it... and I love spreadsheets... Ha! x