Best Sex Writing 2013: The State of Todays Sexual Culture

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The book is a guide on how to build a loving, intimate relationship. The ultimate purpose of sex is to provide ultimate intimacy between a husband and wife. There is no greater expression of vulnerable intimacy between human beings, and this is a large part of what makes marriage so unique. To create a safe environment for erotica and lovemaking -love, trust, care and commitment should be present. If this is the case, it would be understood that eros not only implies sexuality, but also sensuality; that the atmosphere in which sex takes place is just as important as the sex itself.

1. Introduction

Song of Songs talks about a love that should be celebrated, but it also holds a calling. We celebrate love - because when we love, we live. That is why we live with enthusiasm and passion, but also with gratitude and amazement.

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This calling never ends; the duty of love is not ever accomplished or completed. This is why the end of the Song of Songs is left open and unfinished Du Toit The Song of Songs and marriage. The age-old book Song of Songs has much to teach modern society about sexuality. Although it is not mentioned once that the couple is married - why do we still assume that they are? It could be that the writer is cautious and perhaps withholding the truth about upsetting conservative readers, who are not ready to hear about sex before marriage Viviers In spite of the fact that there is no indication that the couple are married, they enjoy each other's bodies to the full.

This is unexpected, as one would have expected the Bible to be very strict - especially when discussing sexuality and marriage. According to Fox the two characters imagine themselves in fictional parts - in the same way they imagine themselves to be 'bride' and 'groom'. Therefore we can assume they did foresee a marriage somewhere in the future, although the only thing that matters at that moment is the passionate love they feel for each other.

The author does not undermine or reject marriage, but rather places it in perspective. True and faithful love is what is important. The milieu where it happens is secondary - and this includes a sexual relationship Viviers For generations, people were discouraged from talking openly about sex, as though it were something to be ashamed of.

Yet there is this book in the Bible that talks beautifully about sexuality, and explicitly talks about physical desire, passion and pleasure Du Toit The false notion that sex is wrong and sinful, should be set right, in order to restore sex to being a beautiful gift from God. What message does it send out to adolescents if adults constantly avoid the subject? The questions raised by puberty are difficult enough to deal with, and acting as if sexuality is wrong and sinful does not make it easier. Nevertheless, this sensitive issue should be dealt with circumspectly. Although we do not know whether the couple in Song of Songs are married, the main theme of the book - that they belong to one another - sends out a strong message about the values that a relationship should have.

The love they share could only exist between two people. The fact that they have saved their passion for each other probably indicates that they have saved themselves for each other, and that they have not shared this kind of love with anyone else. The sex that they enjoy is only possible in a relationship where love, trust, care and commitment are present Viviers The relationship between the two characters is exclusive and committed; no third party is welcome in their intimate relationship.

They are not bothered by status, wealth and power - things that usually destroy relationships. Their relationship is playful and interesting. They respect each other as equals, and both are willing to make sacrifices. It is ironic that Song of Songs portrays the virtues of an ideal marriage, and yet it is never mentioned that the couple are married Viviers Faithful love is what it is all about - not marriage or the name that is given to it.

According to Fox : 'The Song does assume a sexual ethic, but the sexual virtue cherished is not chastity. It is fidelity: unquestioned devotion to one's lover Contextual interpretation. According to Thatcher '[ t ]he term "marital norm" conveys the conviction that, within the Christian faith, marriage is the norm but not necessarily the rule for full sexual experience. In this regard, the Reformed Church in the Netherlands In Liefde Trouw zijn calls for a distinction between contextual norms - which are formulated in each time period - and the basic values that are found in the Bible.

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It is thus necessary to re-evaluate what the Bible says about marriage and sex in today's context. A contextual interpretation of the Bible does not imply a move away from the clear evangelical norms of Jesus Christ.

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An evangelical instead of a legalistic approach does not mean that there are no norms or values when it comes to sexuality. Rather, with an evangelical approach, the emphasis is on morals rather than on rules. For instance: the rule would be 'no sex before marriage', whilst the moral would be that a sexual relationship is meant for a steady, long-lasting relationship where two people love each other and celebrate that love by being intimate.

A value- or norm-based approach could never work with rigid rules, because the emphasis is on personal freedom and responsibility. The legalistic approach leads to rule upon rule - which leads to conviction. This latter method, followed by the Pharisees and teachers of law, attempts to control and condemn people. The most important values are mutual reciprocity, freedom and security between two people, and a relationship that is long lasting. If these values are present in a relationship, the question about what side of the line sex occurs is irrelevant.

What is more important is the nature of the sexual relationship. Values like these are based on the great commandment, to love God and to love your neighbour. With these in mind, casual, superficial and experimental sex could never be justified. If one is fanatical about 'the law', one could throw the first stone. All four fundamental values are interlinked: a long-lasting sexual relationship with elements of aggression or violence is not safe, and the people involved do not feel secure and free. Therefore such a relationship would be destructive. If the line theory were to be strictly applied, one would be tempted to argue that the couple in such a relationship should stay together because '[ n ]o human being must separate, then, what God has joined together' Mt If this is the case, we allow abuse to rule over love - which defies the overarching message of the Bible.

Jesus shows us that our devotion to the law should not compromise neighbourly love. For example, the Pharisees believed that you were not to prepare food or heal a human being on the Sabbath because the law forbids you to work on that day.

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Jesus' response to this was '[ i ]t is kindness that I want, not animal sacrifices' Mt All considered, however, one cannot argue that mutual reciprocity, freedom and security are enough to justify a sexual relationship. A long-term commitment should be part of a sexual relationship - if not, it can be abused. It should be remembered that the people involved in a relationship are always more important than the institution. How can Christian ethical principles be applied in different and changing social contexts? Where do these principles come from?

When it comes to ethics people often use certain biblical texts literally to validate their specific viewpoint. When it comes to homosexuality or sex before marriage, it is expected that the Bible should have direct normative statements against such issues. However, the Bible does not say much about these topics at all Haspel When we consult the New Testament on sexual ethics, we encounter two obstacles.

In the first place, an ethic that has equal authority for everyone does not exist. Secondly, the New Testament is not a textbook about moral issues. The New Testament in fact does not offer explicit suggestions about ethics relating to gender roles, marriage or sexuality Le Roux The only real Christian ethic is love for God and your neighbour. Therefore, we must apply this ethic to marriage and sexuality. Agape should be a non-negotiable condition for any sexual relationship. Not all marriages, however, pass this test.

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The idea that all marital sex is acceptable and premarital sex is wrong can no longer be simply accepted. The values and the manner in which the relationship defines itself and the integrity of the relationship, is far more important. These values include love, respect, unselfishness, trust, exclusivity, continuity and being accommodating and responsible Le Roux Ash astutely observes that:. Contrary to contemporary culture we shall find that the answer is not in terms of 'what sex can do for me', nor even of what sex can do for a sexual partner or for a couple; rather, sex is to be used in the service of God.

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Only when sex is understood in this context of wider service will sexual ethics make transcendent sense. One of the main problems that Christian sexual ethics has to deal with today - is the question of whether the church should acknowledge and bless unmarried long-term relationships. Biblical traditions already illustrate that this institution is changing and subject to development.

For many people marriage is no longer the beginning of an intimate relationship.