Conspiracy theories keep journalist awake at night

Posted Thursday, July 31, 2008, at 8:36 AM

Yes, I know I promised myself that I would stick to nice, safe topics like tomatoes and blackberries and other fruits, after getting myself embroiled in politics awhile back - but I had an interview yesterday that gave me some trouble getting to sleep last night... Or maybe it was that wild lightning about midnight. My tomato blog hasn't turned out to be such a nice, safe place, anyway. Who knew tomatoes could provoke controversy?? Well, just wait'll you hear this.

I won't reveal the name of the person I was interviewing, but, needless to say, conspiracies were not the original topic. However, these subjects soon took over the conversation, leaving me sitting with notebook in hand, mouth open, eyes popping, and mind reeling. There were three mind-boggling conspiracy theories which dominated what was supposed to be a normal conversation. I will present these wild ideas in order of severity (and alarm):

1) "Chemtrails" are lines of vapor or smoke, which look like "contrails," those jet stream thingamajiggers that come from jets, as they criss cross across the sky. However, there is purportedly a much more sinister reason for chemtrails. Hold on, now. Here it comes....(Take a deep breath.) According to a website (ahhh...there's the evil origin of so many wild ideas)called "educate-yourself.org," these chemtrails are government-sponsored chemical sprayings of our cities, designed to reduce the world population by 4 billion people by the year 2050. (I notice that most of the conspiracies will mention a specific year.) According to this theory, our government is "under the total domination and control of the Illuminati (architects of the so-called New World Order)." Why it is that "The New World Order" wants to eliminate the earth's population is unclear... (or maybe it was explained in the part I missed after I got sick and quit reading...)

2) No website for this one, but during the interview, it was suggested that the Katrina disaster was actually engineered by the U.S. government just to "test" some sort of amazing technology. The logic of this theory eludes me... Sounds like a Superman or Batman comic book - Lex Luthar...or maybe the Joker..

3) The most alarming of all the theories poured into my mind yesterday was the idea that some scientists and geologists are predicting a 3-degree shift of the Earth on its axis in the year 2012. This shift, like the ones that have happened before (dinosaur extinction...extreme and suddent climate change), will cause the earth - as we know it - to completely change. From what I gathered in the interview, a large part of the North American continent will be under water. Those of us who live near the Mississippi River will be in particularly bad straits, as most of the land mass where we now live will be gone.

To say that I feel "in over my head" on this topic is an understatement and a pretty lame pun. I have some researchers working on the subject as we speak, so maybe I can eventually progress beyond STUN AND SHOCK to some sort of INTELLIGENT ENLIGHTENMENT. I know there is something going on with the melting of the polar ice caps, so the third theory is particularly worrisome. As for the first two, they just seem ridiculous and easily dismissed.

Okay, tomato bloggers, mull these topics around a bit and see what kind of stew you can come up with.

This is your rural Tillman ex-goatherder, Madeline, wishing she had stayed on the farm yesterday...

The fact that you say you KNOW the polar ice caps are melting shows how little you do know. Depending on the scientists you listen to, none of that is proven. I would love to meet the moron you interviewed along with the three diaper brains you have researching these waste of times. Have them call Rosey O'Donnell as a source on how Bush blew up the World Trade Centers also. I can't believe all these intellects stuck around for Y2K. I vote on sticking to produce if this is the best you can do. How's that for stew!

-- Posted by shannonhoon on Thu, Jul 31, 2008, at 9:38 AM

Madeline Dejournett's response:

Quoting from the National Resources Defense Council (NRDC):

"Average temperatures in the Arctic region are rising twice as fast as they are elsewhere in the world. Arctic ice is getting thinner, melting and rupturing. For example, the largest single block of ice in the Arctic, the Ward Hunt Ice Shelf, had been around for 3,000 years before it started cracking in 2000. Within two years it had split all the way through and is now breaking into pieces.

The polar ice cap as a whole is shrinking. Images from NASA satellites show that the area of permanent ice cover is contracting at a rate of 9 percent each decade. If this trend continues, summers in the Arctic could become ice-free by the end of the century."

I want to know who shot JFK.... any answers? What about Roswell?

-- Posted by greer958 on Thu, Jul 31, 2008, at 10:18 AM

I have heard that there is a government conspiracy going on in north Stoddard County. A team of scientists (working for Uncle Sam) have created a new variety of the kudzu plant that reacts to pollen released by tomato plants to create a poisonous vapor in an effort to irradicate all goats.

MD, what really happened to the goats?

-- Posted by Mustang,68 on Thu, Jul 31, 2008, at 11:34 AM

Madeline Dejournett's response:

Mustang68, you've obviously been keeping up with things, though I don't see you posting comments much. Have I not told my faithful blogger buddies about my little goat buddies? I was afraid of that.

Well, it's such a painful topic that I've been avoiding a blog on the subject -- besides, with the advent of certain headbanger types on our website, I knew I'd have to put up with massive ridicule....... I guess my next blog should take care of that sad saga.

What the heck? I've written about tomatoes and conspiracy theories and hula hoops and blackberries and kudzu and Barack Obama... so I guess I can tackle one last goat blog...

Global warming most definately exists and is a major problem for our environment and for humanity! We all need to pitch in and help with that one!

I doubt anyone will ever really know who shot JFK and everyone has a theory on that one! Anybody want to debate over who it really was? Govt.? Oswald? Which reminds me, does anyone remember who shot J.R.?

MD, am I to believe that there is truly a mystery surrounding your beloved yet now permanently absent goats?

-- Posted by huxgirl28 on Thu, Jul 31, 2008, at 3:50 PM

Madeline Dejournett's response:

Well, yes, I guess so. I was going to post a blog entitled "Sad times for Patsy the house goat," but then I got too sad.

My favorite is the cold spell in China that was blamed on Global Warming. Hilarious. Oh well, it has made Algore a multimillionaire and it ain't hard to stir people's emotions and fears. I am voting for Obama, he is going to fix that too.

-- Posted by shannonhoon on Thu, Jul 31, 2008, at 4:57 PM

Well, I'd jump into the stew, but I think I'd just prefer to stay out on the goat farm and pretend that the ice caps aren't melting and the world will continue on as it is until infinity!

Hoon, I think you should start building an ark. Be sure to stock plenty of goats.

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Jul 31, 2008, at 6:29 PM

I believe the world is warming. I believe it was warming before we had cars. Correct? It isn't the first time probably. It probably done it when we weren't here. Can we stop it. I doubt that, no matter what we do. It will freeze again someday and we can't stop that either. Ice used to cover the majority of our continent. It has melted away. Hope I am not here when it comes back.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Thu, Jul 31, 2008, at 7:13 PM

OK...Stop! The world is warming b/c for the past however many thousand years, we have been emerging from an ice age. That was supposedly a fact 15 years ago...what happened...Gore propaganda.

Now, let's get to the stupid conspiracies:

1) Chemtrails: if there were such a thing, the people making it happen would be dying along with us...unless they stayed in a bubble for the next 50+ years.

2) About Katrina: A great many black people are educated, but the ones who aren't rely on people like Jesse *******. Therefore, they believe that we have such magical technology as "cloud seeding". If that were the case, there would never be a drought.

3) A shift in the earth's axis? Well, I believe in God and therefore this is stupid...especially since it hasn't happpened EVER.

Do you really believe "cars" are warming the Earth? Dumb...dumb...dumb...dumb......dumb.

Well, there may have actually been a shift in the earths axis at one time, from some of the things I have read in various places anyway.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Fri, Aug 1, 2008, at 11:00 PM

Let me tell you another thing about the Earth's axis "shifting". If that were so, our orbit would change. If any orbit of any planet in the solar system, (or the galaxy for that matter), would change; it would be catastrophic b/c the universe is balanced so perfectly. Any expert astronomer would agree.

-- Posted by Jim Morrison on Sat, Aug 2, 2008, at 12:47 AM

Madeline Dejournett's response:

Morrison, I like your logic! Thanks for the Voice of Reason!

Final word....go to sleep.

-- Posted by shannonhoon on Sat, Aug 2, 2008, at 5:21 PM

When the HOON speaks, everyone listens! That's the end of THIS blog!

-- Posted by goat lady on Tue, Aug 5, 2008, at 8:24 AM

Oh not it's not! Climate changes come and go. What man does on the earth can cause some modifications, but the process goes on regardless of puny man. The earth will continue revolving and climate will continue changing long after man has died off.

Goats will rule the world and they'll eat blackberries and tomatoes.

-- Posted by Ducky on Tue, Aug 5, 2008, at 12:50 PM

If he or anyone else has been here forever then I would assume they know the answer or all the answers.

I like Ducky's scenario -- A world populated by peaceful goats, eating blackberries and tomatoes! I can visualize it in my mind. (And, no, I'm not on hallucinogenic drugs!!!)

-- Posted by goat lady on Tue, Aug 5, 2008, at 3:49 PM

Any of those will do, but you forgot Obama.

-- Posted by I.B. Le Truth on Tue, Aug 5, 2008, at 6:09 PM

I like how George Carlin explained what happens to the earth. If you haven't ever heard it (and don't mind a few, errr, A LOT of cuss words), go to youtube and pull it up. It's hilarious...and it makes sense!

-- Posted by mrsdolphin on Tue, Aug 5, 2008, at 7:02 PM

Madeline Dejournett's response:

George Carlin was a wise, funny man! You have to bleep out all the cuss words! :)

George Carlin is probably the most predictable and worst comedian of the last 30+ years. His stuff in the 60's was funny. But, through the 80's and on, his jokes were the same crappy jokes told in elementry schools in the 70's. He says the obvious and his brainwashed fans laugh...(or maybe it's just a laugh track on tape, b/c it sounds forced).

You can listen to it on shortwave radio via Genesis Communications Network. A bunch of stuff on those contrails and 9-11 conspiracies.

-- Posted by swift on Wed, Aug 6, 2008, at 3:06 PM

Well, phooey! My speakers don't work! Just tell me what it says about the contrails, swift!

-- Posted by goat lady on Wed, Aug 6, 2008, at 5:32 PM

When I heard the program on shortwave radio, the guest said that when the contrail disentigrated, particles fall to earth below and can affect the thinking processes of humans and can even affect vegetation and the water supply.

-- Posted by swift on Thu, Aug 7, 2008, at 3:41 PM

Oh, thanks for the info. You know, I hate to admit it, but Morrison made a very good point when he said that poison distributed in contrails would also poison the people who distribute it.

-- Posted by goat lady on Thu, Aug 7, 2008, at 5:01 PM

I think JM might be in league with O'Brien to re-write the history of George Carlin. His career was so amazing that it is further proof that truth is stranger than fiction. He was on Johnny Carson's first Tonight Show broadcast and years later he defied Carson by appearing as the first guest host of Saturday Night Live. He was present when Lenny Bruce was arrested for obscenity, and he was arrested and taken to jail with Bruce because he refused to show the police his ID! In the 1970s the U.S. Supreme Court sided with the FCC's broadcast ban on the seven "dirty" words Carlin used in a routine to show he thought freedom of speech is a meaningless phrase unless it protects people who say things that actually do offend some people. His routine went "S***, P***, ... Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that'll infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war."

Into his late 60s Carlin continued to be edgy in his comments about modern life. He was fired only five years ago by the Las Vegas MGM Grand for telling his audience, "People who go to Las Vegas, you've got to question their f****** intellect to start with. Traveling hundreds and thousands of miles to essentially give your money to a large corporation is kind of f****** moronic. That's what I'm always getting here is these kind of f****** people with very limited intellects."

Carlin was VERY funny! His jokes were funny because of the truth that they intailed. The funniest jokes (in my opinion) are the ones that stem from truth...instead of someone standing up on stage acting like a moron. We're taught not to poke fun at or stare at someone who is mentally handicapped...yet so many people find movies such as Super Bad or Talladega Nights amusing. I think they're stupid.

-- Posted by mrsdolphin on Thu, Aug 7, 2008, at 6:56 PM

How's this for a conspiracy theory...I think all of the bloggers are really Daily Statesman employees and that their blogs are actually their alter egos. It COULD be happening!!!

Madeline (Giles) DeJournett is the Advance writer for the North Stoddard Countian. A retired high school English/history teacher, she spent 32 years teaching in 5 schools in Missouri and Alaska. These days, she lives quietly with a menagerie of wild and domestic animals on 52 secluded acres in the remote Tillman hills south of Advance. She graduated from Dexter High School in 1960 and Southeast Missouri State in 1964. She can be contacted at advancensc@sbcglobal.net or by phone at 573-722-5322.