Post navigation

When Baby Makes Three

Babies create seismic changes in your life. Sleep deprivation in the first few months can turn you and your spouse or partner into irritable zombies—a stark contrast to the smiling, stylish young couple with lots of time for weekend outings that you were in the not-so-distant past. There’s more housework than ever, and you have a lot less energy to tackle it. You might be worried about money if one of you stays home with the baby. Suddenly you’re living on one salary instead of two, or if both return to work, there are childcare expenses to factor in.

And intimacy? Well, that seems to be out the window—even when the baby is blissfully sleeping, it’s easier said than done just to forget all the stress and fatigue, flip a switch and swing into action.

Okay, now for the good news: raising a baby can also bring you closer than ever before if you approach it as a team. Here are a few of the secrets you need to know:

If you talk to your partner about the stress you’re feeling—while taking care to reassure her that you love the baby more than you ever imagined possible—you might be relieved to learn that you’re both experiencing a lot of the same things. When the baby screams inconsolably for an hour, when it seems you’re changing soiled crib sheets for the third time today, when you can’t remember the last time you sat down to watch a half-hour sitcom, much less a movie…yes, your partner feels all that too. Don’t assume women, for instance, have magic maternal instincts that make it easier for her. If anything, the only difference is that she might feel guiltier about having those feelings, so voicing them yourself and reminding her that it’s normal might help her feel better while reinforcing the sense that you’re in this together.

If you find yourselves fighting over the growing list of chores, stop. Make lists of what needs to be done every day, decide what’s reasonable for each person to do every day, and stick to it. The key word is “reasonable.” If you need to lower the bar a bit on what passes for household organization during the early years, remember that (1) only a crazy person would expect new parents to have a spotless home and (2) complaining to your wife that you can’t find a matching pair of socks in your drawer…when she’s exhausted and hasn’t found time to take a shower in three days…is not constructive.

Go on dates. No doubt you’ve heard this one before, but it is so important. It’s not easy at first; it helps a lot if you have parents in town to pitch in, but if not, ask around for a reliable sitter and make plans to go out for a few hours of alone time. While we’re at it, here’s another tip: discuss any baby-related topics you’d like to get out of the way before you leave—even the fun ones, like showing her the newest baby pictures on your iPhone. Then you can commit to spending this time together not as parents but husband and wife.

It’s easy to forget how important it is to nurture your relationship with your partner or spouse when the baby is screaming, covered in strained peas and looks at you like you’re a miserable failure (at least that’s what it sometimes feels like). It takes effort and a commitment to remember to care for yourselves and your relationship, but maintaining a healthy relationship is the most important gift you’ll ever give your child.

A relationship counselor can help you and your partner figure out how to balance it all while keeping your relationship strong – a wise investment in your growing family. If you are considering couples counseling, let the counselors at Orange County Relationship Center help you. Call us today at 949-220-3211 or book your appointment via our online calendar.

What People Are Saying

If you are struggling with relationships concerns, the OC Relationship Center is the place for you. Their expert clinicians focus specifically on relationships, and are skilled in couples therapy. This practice is run efficiently, so in addition to the therapy itself, the experience of being a client here is smooth and accessible. Highly recommended!read more

Chris Chandler

14:31 06 Jan 18

Casey Truffo is incredibly warm, compassionate, and helpful! I have enjoyed getting to work with her and experience her wealth of insight and direction. I would highly recommend her services to anyone looking for help in their relationships!read more

drvernitamarsh

23:40 04 Jan 18

I had the opportunity to work with the owner of the center and I have found her to be respectful, competent and warm. Given, the reputation and character of the owner, I have no doubt that her staff are held to the same standard and caliber.read more

Jennie Steinberg

06:38 04 Jan 18

OC Relationship Center is a wonderful group practice. They take wonderful care of their clients, and help couples to thrive! I highly recommend them to anyone seeking therapy to help heal and improve their relationships.read more

April De Higes

01:58 04 Jan 18

This place is very welcoming. All the therapist are experienced, warm and caring, and effective. They work will all issues from couple communication struggles, to depression and anxiety. As a therapist myself, I happily refer to all the therapists in this office.read more

al potash

20:36 29 Dec 17

An amazing place ! My experience of the staff, ambiance and the seamless access to a specialists made me feel cared for and valued.read more

Amber Miller

19:19 27 Dec 17

I know the therapists at the OC relationship center of orange county and they are very experienced in individual and couples therapy. The office is both warm and inviting and I would recommend them to anyone.read more

Ellen Bradley-Windell

00:10 23 Dec 17

What an amazing group of caring, warm and experienced therapists....The Relationship Center of Orange County should be your first choice when choosing to enrich your most precious relationships.read more

Suzanne Smith

22:26 15 Mar 16

Casey Truffo is an incredible therapist and leader. As such, she has assembled a terrific team of practitioners to help couples and individuals heal in relationship with one another or heal in the relationship they have to themselves, respectively. Casey's center offers a beautiful environment for clients to feel safe, heard and empowered. I would send anyone I know to her center, and I trust hers and the skills and knowledge of her practitioners wholeheartedly.read more

Ana Maria Sierra, Ph.D.

04:58 15 Mar 16

I have known Casey Truffo professionally for some time. She is a highly experienced, warm, and compassionate psychotherapist who places the heart at the center of her group practice. You can be certain that you will be made to feel welcomed and well taken care of either by Casey and her staff of seasoned professionals. I would also like to add that Casey is a recognized leader and mentor to many, both nationally and internationally. So, if you are seeking an understanding and approachable counselor who can help you have a more satisfying and healthier relationship, be it with your partner, your child, or with yourself, I recommend that you contact Casey now.read more

Nadia Jones

06:43 26 Oct 15

I have known Marni Reinhardt for the last 12 years. I have seen her bloom as a therapist and grow in her skills from the beginning. She can add so much into her work through her special training in hypnosis and relational issue as well as Evidence Based Practice Models. She is a caring, compassionate, and direct therapist who loves her work and more than anything to help. I highly recommend her!read more