“I was having breakfast when this piece of ciabatta toast got burnt,” he said. “Suddenly I was aware that the pattern of light and darkness across the toast resembled what could have been a visible manifestation of primeval events at the time that planet Earth was forming four and a half billion years ago.

Genuine unretouched photograph, copyright G.T. Meaden

.

Physicist Dr. G. Terence Meaden from Oxford University continued, “I feel humbled that I should have been chosen to receive this vision and expression of non-godist reality in this unexpected way. It is plainly a subtle manifestation of the high principle of atheism that goddidnotdoit.”

It is likely to make national headlines as this sensational story spreads through the rationalist community of nonbelievers in godism. Goddidit followers may be unhappy about it though, but after all—if one imitates their sloppy use of the word ‘theory’—then “goddidit is only a ‘theory’, seeing that gods are mere constructs of the human mind”.

“It is exciting because this piece of toast was absolutely genuine. No trickery. It happened, just like that”, said Dr. Meaden—a Tommy Cooper fan.

“You can see a representation of the birthing planet taking in asteroid-size spherical fragments as Young Earth spins and grows into the big planet that we know today.”

We may expect the story to go worldwide as non-acceptors of godism take note. “All I can say is you gotta believe this, because it happened. I have always concurred with the scientific truths of the Aged Earth theory because proven scientific facts are right. Some years ago* a worthy atheist reported an image of burnt toast as depicting the Big Bang, but no photograph was ever produced—so perhaps that account was satirical. Mine is not. I have the picture to prove it."

So can we see the toast, this remarkable vision?

“I’m afraid the photograph is all that remains. The experience so overwhelmed me that, stunned and unthinkingly, I photographed it, buttered it and ate it. But I do have the negative of the original photograph, and the satisfaction of having actually eaten a piece of a nongod.”

I think we should pay more attention to patterns that appear on slightly burnt toast now. To achieve this we need to move that dial or slider UP a little more often in case others of my friends get to be honoured with a revelation like me.