Thursday, February 9, 2012

Some things I have learned

[Ed. Note -
I'm taking a break from my usual format this week to list some things
that have been on my mind lately, not necessarily related to waiting
tables. Things I've been told, things I've been shown, things I've just been lucky enough to learn; just wanted to pass them along]

*

Do
not say anything behind someone's back you would not say to their
face. Along the same lines, do not do anything in secret that you would be embarrassed or shamed should you be
found out. Life is much, much simpler this way.

*

Be a man (or
woman) of your word. Good intentions are meaningless without action
behind them. If you doubt whether you have the time, energy, or means
to follow through on a commitment, say so.

*

Do not pretend to
be someone you are not to be accepted by another. Even if you are
successful, the person they have accepted isn't actually you, and you
will end up feeling even less fulfilled and loved than before.

*

Do not loan out a
CD, DVD or a book if you ever intend on seeing it again. If you truly
want to share a piece of art you love with someone, buy a used copy
and give it to them as a present.

*

By the same
token, when someone wants to share a piece of art with you that is
important to them or that they think you'll like, what they are
really sharing with you is a piece of themselves. Take the time to
honor that.

*

Be skeptical, but
not closed minded. Be open to the possibility that you may not have
it all figured out. At the end of the day, a fundamentalist Atheist
can be just as intolerant and presumptive as a the most ardent
Westboro Baptist. Remember this quote from Herbert Spencer:

“There
is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof
against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in
everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to
investigation.”

*

Say what you
mean, mean what you say, and don't be mean when you say it.

*

Every day
we take for granted things that our ancestors would have considered
miraculous. Forget smart phones, forget modern medicine, forget air
travel, forget the Internet... If you are reading this, very likely
you have hot water. Whenever you want. You have clean, drinkable
water. Whenever you want. Your great-great-grandparents would have
been blown away by that.

*

When
you say things like “I'd really like to do this or that,” or “I
really should
do that,” that thing, whatever it is (changing your diet, planning
a trip, writing that novel, going out more, whatever) will most
likely never, ever happen. Make a decision. When
exactly are
you going to do it? What
exactly
does that look like? What would you have to change in what you are
doing right now to make sure that more important thing gets done? Unless
you are very specific about how and when you are going to actually do
those things you'll never live the life you want to live.

*

If
not now, when?

*

Do
not fear making mistakes, just make sure to learn from them when they
(inevitably) happen. Good judgment comes from experience, experience
comes from bad judgment.

*

“If you do not like something, change it. If
you can not change it, change your attitude. Do not complain.”- Maya Angelou

*

Scientists
now believe that everything we consider to be the “observable”
Universe (up to and including quarks and all the fun, crazy quantum
stuff) is, in actuality, only about 4.6% of the actual
Universe. The rest is made up of Dark Matter (23%) and Dark Energy
(72%). What exactly is
Dark Matter and Dark Energy? They're not really sure. I find this
helpful to remember.

*

The
way to show appreciation for a gift is to use it. This applies just
as much to whatever talents and passions your Creator has blessed you
with. This applies to Life itself.

*

When
writing an important email, be it business or personal, save your
draft, walk away from your computer to do something else, and come
back to it 20 minutes later to review it before sending.

*

What
you consider “normal” is entirely shaped by how and where (and
when) you were raised. If you were born in a small town in Kentucky,
odds are very good you would be a conservative Christian. If you were
born to a liberal humanist family in Chicago, odds are very good you
would be a liberal humanist. If you were born in Tehran, odds are
very good you would be a Muslim. The next time you find yourself in
opposition with someone, try to ask yourself “If I were born to
their family and raised how they were raised, what would I believe?”
Most of what separates you from someone else is only a small
combination of genetics and environment.

*

No
one wants to hear your excuses. What is impressive is the person who
can admit they made a mistake, accept responsibility for it, and do
what is necessary to make sure it doesn't happen again.

*

“Your
task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the
barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”-
Rumi

Worry
is not just useless, it is legitimately harmful. All that energy
spent worrying only serves to eat away at you from the inside and
take energy away from acting in the present. Think of all
the things you've ever worried about that never came to pass. Now
think of those few things that did
come to pass and how even those failed to undo you.

*

Enjoy
all the richness that life has to offer, but don't try to hold on to
that which you cannot keep (which is to say, everything). Strive to savor, not to dwell.

*

Spirituality
without practicality is empty. If you can not be just as much at
peace in a traffic jam as you are in a meadow, what is it really
worth?

*

Life
is very much about perspective: in the immediacy of the moment, every
setback or conflict becomes a catastrophe. In the span of eons,
everything becomes meaningless. A good measuring stick seems to be
one human lifespan. When judged against that, what is truly
meaningful becomes clear and what is inconsequential falls away.

*

The
overwhelming majority of drama is, in actuality, self-created and
self-sustained.

*

The next time you start complaining about what a “shitty” day you had, try to keep in mind that your life as a Westerner is better, safer, and more affluent than about 99% of the people in the world. The next time you feel the need to append “FML” to a Facebook comment you are typing on your iPad, try to imagine switching places with the Chinese factory worker who built your iPad.

*

If
you have trouble getting places on time, start getting ready about 20
to 30 minutes before you think you actually have to. If you are a
woman, 40 minutes to an hour.

*

The pursuit of pleasure and the pursuit of happiness are not the same thing. Happiness is a byproduct of living the right kind of life.

*

Treat
yourself with the same compassion you would a loved one or a dear friend.

*

“Beyond
a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of
the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right
to be here.”- Max Ehrmann

*

Despite
much evidence to the contrary, people can and do change for the
better. What it takes is an acknowledgment and acceptance
that the way one has been doing things isn't working, a willingness
to try to do things differently, and a commitment to accept the cost
of following through and to do so no matter what.

*

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the other person.

*

A
negative world view is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Dare to be
positive, and see what happens.

3 comments:

Book marking this post for sure! I still have a draft of a post in my blogger account that revolves around the Rumi quote. The quote is great... hopefully one day I'll be able to capture my feelings about it in words.

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