So began the trailer for Marvel’s The Avengers. And it seems that truer words were never spoken. Ruled by revenue expectations, ruled by fan expectations, ruled by audience needs for a comfortable movie rather than a challenging one. As Tom Hiddleston’s Loki puts it, “Freedom is life’s great lie. Once you accept that… in your heart… you will know peace.” The Avengers is technically a good movie. It’s pretty clear by now that, with well over $1.5 billion in worldwide ticket sales, Disney’sMarvel’s The Avengers was, at the very least, a real crowd pleaser.

After I wake up, I take a moment to think about the day ahead. If it’s early enough, I’ll make myself a nice [Skyfall] breakfast. I take a shower, get [Skyfall] dressed, and head out to spend the rest of my [Skyfall] day. I work on [Skyfall] articles, [Skyfall] essays, and [Skyfall] presentations. When I get home, I catch up on the [Skyfall] news of the day, make myself a quick [Skyfall] dinner, watch some [Skyfall] TV, and do my usual [Skyfall] workout. When it’s time for bed, I set my [Skyfall] alarm, do some light [Skyfall] reading, and mentally prepare myself for the next [Skyfall] day. Sometimes sleep comes [Skyfall] quickly, and sometimes it’s induced by [Skyfall] drugs. And as I sleep, I dream Skyfall dreams.

Skyfall is one of those movies that terrifies me. It occupies my mind, disrupts my waking life, and pervades my slumbered thoughts. It’s one of those movies that not only distracts me, but makes me nervous the longer I go after its release date without having seen it. Y’know that feeling, like everyone’s made some wonderous discovery and you’re the only one left out?

He Says

I don’t like to use the term “tour de force” very often, so when I say that “Big Trouble in Little China is a tour de force”, I mean it really is a “tour de force”. To all fans of awesomeness as a non-ironic force of awesome, I can’t recommend Big Trouble in Little China enough. It’s got everything — over-the-top action, ham-fisted romance, the Hell of the Upside Down Sinners.

It’s hard to explain what it is that makes Big Trouble in Little China so great, mostly because said explanation would require a scene-for-scene description and re-enactment of the entire movie because it’s all amazing. I guess it all comes down to Kurt Russell’s Jack Burton, who, for lack of a better term, is a “tour de force” (am I using that right?).

Quantum of Solace images courtesy of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer and Columbia Pictures

“Oh crap,” I thought to myself as the realization set in. After completing a review of Casino Royale (CR) in the lead up to Skyfall, it dawned on me that I would also have to do a Quantum of Solace review. Well, here it goes.

Ask any Bond fan, any real Bond fan. It doesn’t matter if you like Daniel Craig by a little or a lot; Quantum of Solace (QoS) was not good. That’s an opinion that’s sort of warranted, but also a little perplexing, because, frankly, there are a lot of crap Bonds (or “junk Bonds” as my screenwriting instructor likes to call them, though I haven’t gotten him to commit as to which ones he’s referring). Certainly to me and to a lot of newer Bond fans, CR was a revelation. If you read my CR review, you know that Daniel Craig’s Bond was not only my first real exposure to the franchise, but that CR is almost wholly responsible for my being a fan. And despite my natural inclination towards psychological sedation and withdrawal (and the mixed advance reviews), I remember actually being excited to see QoS.

Though, to be more accurate, it’s the first Bond movie I ever saw all the way through. Sure. I’d seen bits and pieces of various Bond movies at various times, pieced together which ones were usually Moneypenny and which ones were usually M. Eventually I figured out why a picture of Sean Connery signed by Roger Moore was such a funny joke. But I never cared about any of it.

Casino Royale is the first Bond movie I ever saw all the way through that I actually cared about. It inspired me to go ahead and watch all the preceding Bond movies. In order. All 20. All in less than a week. All the way through.

We’ve known each other for a little while now. I’ve gotten to know things about you, dear reader, shameful things that previously only your browser history knew about (I know you read my Fifty Shades review. We have no secrets, you and I). So I’ve decided to come clean about something big, something game-changing, something that will forever change the way you think about me and may even cause you to doubt your love for me, fathomless though you thought it was: I used to be a fan of Glee.

Are you still reading? Oh, thank God! I was so afraid my love for a cappella covers of popular songs would keep us apart. What’s that? Yes, I said a cappella. Wait, where are you going? Come back! This isn’t a Glee review!

After watching Runaway Bride, I can tell you that there are only two things that I’m certain of:

Runaway Bride is a movie that was released in 1999.

Runaway Bride is a movie. I’m certain it is a movie. I’m certain it is a movie and I don’t think it ever lets you forget that it is a movie. I’m certain it is a movie and that its writers, producers, directors, cast, set designers, makeup people, second unit directors, and various other hangers on know it is a movie. I’m certain it is a movie and that the characters are, on some level, consciously aware that they are in a movie. It couldn’t be anything other than a movie.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that I was forced to watch Runaway Bride for a screenwriting course I’m taking. I don’t want you to think that I pick out movies to review for the classics section just to rip them apart.