The Wrong Girl (2016) s02e03 Episode Script

Season 2, Episode 3

O-M-G! Here she is, my producer!
I'm the host of my very
own breakfast show.
She just threw up on
the Health Minister!
It's all right, Nikkii,
Nikkii. It's okay.
I'm sorry if that upset you, but
you are the Minister for health.
Do you feel uncomfortable
being around sick people?
Oh, snap!
What's going on with you and Vincent?
Well, like, I love him.
Of course I love him.
Just like a second-best friend.
Pete Pete? Pete Barnett?
- Yep.
- I'm a big fan.
Have you thought about
developing stuff for TV?
Oh
No, breakfast TV's not
really Pete's thing.
Oh, forget breakfast.
I like this guy.
We should have a meeting.
You were not happy about Jack and Lily.
If you want her in your life, Pete,
you have to decide to get over her.
The bathroom needs a
bit of work, but look,
I thought this could be a
..home office.
- Would that be good for this?
- Yeah, no.
This would be perfect for that.
(WHISPERS) Honey. Babe.
- Hmm?
- Sorry. Sorry.
Hey, do you know where the keys are?
Try my jacket pocket.
(KEYS JANGLE)
The Wrong Girl 2x03
Sep 07, 2017
So, tonight with my brother,
it starts right on six.
Well, as he said, be there
by six or don't bother.
I'll be there at 5:45.
It's just,
my family get a little narky
about punctuality,
about most things, in fact,
so don't take anything personally.
It'll be fine.
Have you seen my earrings anywhere?
MIMI: Um, excuse me, Jack,
I didn't know if you liked
your smalls folded or
Uh, no firm position on
that, but thanks, Mim.
Whereas my family are totally normal.
(SCOFFS)
Another 24 hours and we could
get the okay for our own home.
I hope so.
Is knocking not a thing anymore?
Relax.
I've actually seen you both naked.
- So, Jack's brother's a barrister?
- Mm-hm.
MIMI: Oh, that is so unfair!
Why do some families get all the talent?
Thanks, Mum.
I don't understand
why we're suddenly people who go
walking to nowhere and back again.
For health and well-being.
To spy on your son.
Hang on, is that Alice?
What are they doing together?
They're just mates, or so says he.
When did this happen?
Your work drinks.
Oh, but he hasn't said a word.
They do look cute together.
If you were the Daily Mail,
would you call that
flirting or just dallying?
Canoodling.
I can't be a party to this.
Shame on you both. I'm going to work.
I thought you already got
the sack from this job.
You can't remember how to button
your shirt but you remember that?
I remember you whingeing about it.
But you get it to work
with Lily again, eh?
No, separate, actually.
Different show, different producer.
I'm developing something.
I'm sure you are.
All right, we're going.
Yeah. We have to drop by
the hardware on the way.
What? We're late for your
appointment. I have to get to work.
And I have to get pop rivets.
I'm working on Mimi's front porch.
I'm sure you are.
ANTHONY: Look, you'll probably need
to rewire in a couple of years,
but this has got fantastic bones.
LILY: Okay
But what are you doing at the house?
Jack asked me.
She is a real beaut.
It's the perfect family home.
Well, we are not there yet.
Look, I've gotta run,
sweetheart. Love you.
- Hey, office buddy.
- Hey.
Aren't you supposed to be in a
brainstorming meeting with Jeremy?
Oh, that's the consolidating and
cogitating session after lunch.
In the mornings, I shadow.
So apart from friendship, what
else is he paying you for?
Oh, that's a good question.
(CLUB MUSIC)
So, you follow, observe and absorb,
and when the show's ready, we pitch.
Ahh
I assume you tell him like you tell me
and everybody else what
you really think of TV.
Uh-huh.
To me, TV is the nicotine
that keeps consumers smoking
the advertising cigarette.
- And?
- (INHALES SHARPLY)
I just don't see
You'll get a development retainer
and half the creator profits.
I admit I was quick to sell my soul,
but in my defence, I got a way
better price than I expected.
I'm super happy for you both.
Really? Because you
seem kind of annoyed.
Do you want me to quit?
NIKKII: Alice!
Almond only from downstairs.
The almond up here is sweetened.
Up here I drink skim. Got it?
No.
Don't quit.
I need all the moral support I can get.
Is she actually a host now?
Australia's number one host
amongst 18 to 35-year-olds.
That is terrifying.
- PB!
- Ahh!
Ha-ha! J.
PB&J!
Like the American sandwich.
Yummy.
How's the house hunting going?
Yeah. I know all.
The bank called me to make
sure you actually work here.
That's a pretty hefty
loan on your salary.
Jack must be doing some
heat and eat commercials.
No, we'd be going 50-50.
I mean, yeah, he's handling the
majority of the deposit but
What could go wrong?
Your room awaits, squire.
Right next to mine!
Hang on!
Was that why I was moved?
You're in my office?
Oh, it's more a project space.
You can't be creative in an office.
You've got a bean bag?
- Yeah!
- Whoa.
So you got the changes.
We're doing the burkini thing.
The bikini thing?
An aquatics centre kicked out
a couple of girls in burkinis.
We're going with that instead.
What about the equal pay hot button?
Run it next weekend.
Hell, run it 2049.
It's not going anywhere.
Anyway, who do we get on?
I say firebrand sheikh
versus nationalist leader.
Isn't that a little inflammatory?
Yes.
- Pete. Thought lab in 10.
- Right. Gotcha.
Hey, so buying a house, huh? Congrats.
It's not done yet.
It's more like a financial investment.
Wow, that's genuine
grown-up right there.
Yeah, nothing says adult like
35 years of insurmountable debt.
So what's the place like?
- We've only looked at one.
- Mm.
It's beautiful. Big.
- Nice, big kitchen for Jack.
- Nice.
How we've changed, huh?
Remember back in the day
you used to say that
all you need to feel at
home was a scented candle
and the complete set of Jane Austen?
I can still have Jane Austen.
Now it's all, like, guest
rooms and swimming pools.
You know what? I need to be in
producer mode now, so as co-workers,
we should probably establish
a work-nonwork chat barrier
at, like, reception.
- Okay. Are you angry
- So
about the office or the
- ALICE: Lil.
- Because
Lynn Price from the Reserve
Bank's lined up and ready to go.
Oh, sorry, yeah, change of plan.
Can you get me a list
of Islamic councils?
Okay.
Has Vincent mentioned anything
to you about him and Alice?
Sorry, I feel a little uncomfortable.
Is this a work chat or?
- Ooh! Oh, no. Please.
- Ooh. Can I?
- Thanks.
- Go.
Okay. What about A Night in the Life.
We switch a devout Muslim
girl with a tattooed club rat
and follow them for the night.
No.
On so many levels.
One note, Pete.
Creativity flows best in a
"yes, and" environment.
Yes, that's offensive, and it's
also completely impractical.
Yes, I'm at the beach,
wearing, like, a J Crew
shoulder tie one piece
with a cute little straw boater,
and Alice is next to me in a burkini.
It's not exactly how you play the game.
What are you doing at the beach?
I can't think of everything, Lily!
You know what?
I want to know what Pete thinks.
Oh, I'm just
..I'm just shadowing Jeremy.
You are a fresh perspective.
Um, well, I guess what
you're trying to do
is highlight the absurdity of
finding arbitrary differences
in people's headwear,
then that could be interesting.
Yes. That is exactly it.
- Thank you, Pete.
- You're welcome.
Top work, PB.
That's how we 'yes, and'.
So, Lily and Alice, you get on to guests
and Pete's gonna write the segment.
Pete?
Unless you want me on guests, Lily.
Yes, Mariam.
I completely understand
it's a sensitive area.
Okay, let me check.
ALICE: Lil, what about this one?
Too skinheady.
I want conservative, not extremist.
What's it like?
My guest won't commit
unless she gets a sense of
- if it's going to be
- Shh, sss, ss!
Probably needs, like, a language tweak.
This is perfect.
Go, Pete! Can I keep him?
Day one, already proving his worth.
I have one note.
I have just coloured this hair.
Nothing is touching it unless
it's covered in shea butter
You read. Alice! You model.
I need her.
We haven't booked any guests.
You'd better get a
wriggle on. It's after five.
What about this one? Glenda Westhouse.
She's the head of the
Australia United Movement.
She's pro-gun, anti-sharia.
She doesn't have any links to
any white supremacist groups.
Well, at least on her website anyway.
You worried you can't find
a guest to match her?
Mariam will more than match her.
If she agrees.
She will.
Shit, I've got to go.
You call me as soon as
you've booked her in.
Yeah. Lil, I haven't actually checked.
Great work, Alice.
No, but I haven't actually
(KNOCKS) Knock, knock.
Everything okay?
Each of these mics belonged
to one of the greats.
Graham, Bert.
The tall, skinny one's Don, of course.
I watched them every week growing up.
I just loved them.
Lonely kid in the arse end of
Geelong, dreaming a dream.
I know everyone is excited
about Nikkii, Eric,
but this is still your show.
It's called obsolescence, Lily,
and it happens to us all.
(SIGHS)
I can't vomit on a guest.
I don't have the gag reflex.
You just do you, Eric.
That is more than enough.
I've gotta go. I'm meeting
Jack's brother, but
Oh, yes, you and Jack.
You guys are buying a house together.
Okay, how do you know that?
Jeremy told me. Um
And I think it's great!
Good on you. Seriously.
Don't choose career
over the person you want to
spend the rest of your life with.
Trust me, I know.
- We're not there yet, so it's
- Wait Won't be long.
I mean, you've already ticked
off numbers three and five
of the six signs.
Six signs? What six signs?
We did the segment two
Valentine's Days on the trot.
The six signs he's going to propose.
- I don't rem
- Yes!
Number one, he says, "We're a team."
Number two, he increases his touch.
Three, you meet family.
Four, he gets a new jewellery box.
"Are you free, Mr Humphries?"
"I'm free!"
"Oh, vicar!"
It's coming back to me.
Yes, remember?
Five, you guys buy a house together.
And six, secret meetings with your dad.
All the pieces are fitting
together, aren't they?
No.
I can tell by the look on your
face that maybe they are.
- Hey!
- Hey.
I just got abused by some idiot who
blamed me for her flowers wilting
after I expressly told her not
to mix them with daffodils.
- Hey, Alice.
- Hiya.
Just making some spag bog.
- Want some?
- Uh, spag bog?
Spag bol.
Uh, no. It's spag bog.
Ooh, I'm 100% sure it's spag bol.
All right, then, I'll make
some spaghetti bolognese.
Would you like some?
Um no.
- It's okay. I've got plans.
- Sure? Sit down.
Nah. No, um, uh
But have fun.
(LAUGHS)
Look, Mariam, I can't give
you the talking points,
but I promise you we
won't discuss Syria.
We won't even touch Syria, yeah?
Sean, this is Lily. Lily, Sean.
So pretty.
Oh, thanks.
So, I hear you're a documentary maker.
Oh, I'm
working on something else at the
moment, but I'm trying to get
She's got some great ideas.
So there is one thing that
I've got to know straight up
if you're serious about
seeing my brother
Who's your football team?
Uh, Lily's not
Bulldogs.
Massive Doggies fan.
- Hey, hey, hey. Sorry, sorry.
- Hey, it's Dad.
- Hey!
- Hey, love the shirt.
Well, thanks.
We've got a bachata lesson.
There's a Dominican
dance hall up the road.
- Wow.
- She's been fed. New nappy.
- She should crash soon.
- (WHISPERS) Hello!
- Here's Daddy.
- Hello! Hello!
- Okay, you guys go have fun.
- Okay, we will
- Bachata the shit out of it.
- Bye, Manisha.
See ya. See ya, Mummy. See ya, Mitchell.
Bye. Mmm.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hold this.
It's Aunty Lily.
Keep it short.
I'm on a date with a bubbly,
red-headed yoga teacher.
Are you really?
(CLEARS THROAT) Is this
about the office situation?
No, I need talking points
on the Bulldogs. Go.
Okay. Who's better,
Bontempelli or Johannisen?
I I don't understand
what you just said.
All right. Just say, "Oh,
what about Bob Murphy?"
It works with any
inflection, doesn't it?
Oh, there you are.
I was gonna have to
send in a search party.
Sorry. Just powdering my nose.
Yes, I've heard about you producers.
No. Oh, no, no. No,
no. I'm not into that.
Don't worry. I won't drag
him back into that world.
Into what world?
Just kidding. We know.
- My God, do we know.
- Yeah, okay. Thank you.
So, speaking of the Bulldogs,
what about Bill Murphy? Hey?
Bob Murphy.
The nickname my dad and I
gave him was old Billy Murphy.
- That's what I
- Oh, it's just sickening.
- How do you get more beautiful?
- (SQUEALS)
- (LAUGHS)
- Hi!
Look at you! Stunner.
Jack. Winters.
- What are you
- (SQUEALS)
Mmmm.
What are you doing here?
You're in Montpellier.
Yeah, yeah, I got back last month,
and Sean wanted me to know
what a big deal he is now.
Says Miss I've Got More Michelin
Stars Than I Have Nipples.
I could have three nipples.
- Oh, does she?
- (GIGGLES)
Oh. Oh, sorry, hi.
- Yeah, this is my partner, Lily.
- Yeah, hi.
- So great to meet you.
- Yeah, oh, no.
G Gillian. Gillian.
The world's best pastry chef, Gillian.
- Hi.
- Oh, I like her.
Look at you.
Someone's got a type.
- Ha! (LAUGHS)
- Subtle.
So, um, please tell me that you're
back here to open up a patisserie?
Uh, kind of.
Um, actually I've been asked back
to do a taping for a cooking show.
- Oh, congratulations.
- Believe it or not, yeah.
If you've got any tips?
Jack has all the tips, but if
you're after a specialist taster,
I'm your gal.
Ohh! (GIGGLES)
I wasn't too crash hot on it
either, but you were furious.
Yes, he flipped the plate.
It wasn't a plate. It was a lazy Susan.
- Whatever it was, Mum was not happy.
- (LAUGHS) So crazy.
I'm fine with water, thank you.
Good for you.
And for the rest of us.
What are you gonna do now?
Well, I'm back at the restaurant, but
I'm just glad you got off
that show you were on.
You said I was an idiot for leaving it.
For leaving TV, not the show.
You enlightened an entire country
just by making a few vol-au-vents
and flashing your dimple.
No one's made a vol-au-vent
since 1987, mate.
All I'm saying is that
there are plenty of other
cooking shows out there.
You two haven't changed a bit.
You have.
Last time we were all together, all
it was was screaming and teas.
- And that was just you.
- (LAUGHS)
So, Jack and I, we met at
a restaurant in the CBD
- and I was the sous-chef
- (PHONE RINGS)
and he was this
nonchalant little upstart
who thought that he
could do better, but
So sorry. I have to get this. It's work.
Sorry. Excuse me.
Mariam? Hi.
That show you're dissing, it's hers.
Yeah, but it was crap.
Just tone it down a little bit.
I'm just glad you got
off it when you did.
Why, what are they doing?
Here, I've got the promo.
Some sensationalist crap
about banning burqas.
Seriously, how does that help anybody?
I know it seems a bit crass
but the promos are just
there to bring people in.
- What kinds of people?
- I promise it'll it'll be fair.
Both sides of the story.
But there aren't two sides
of the story, are there?
There's a person being
attacked for their religion
and another person doing the attacking.
The show starts conversations.
Yeah, so does Aunty Susie,
but that doesn't mean
people need to hear them.
Okay. I'm
gonna leave you guys to catch up.
I Yeah.
- Ah, don't
- No, it's
Honestly, no, it's fine.
I really I have to get
up early for the show.
Well, I'll be watching.
It's so nice to meet you.
Thank you. You too, Gillian.
Hey, Lil.
Do you want me to come with you?
No, no. It's fine.
Stay. Catch up with your brother and
chat about the show with Gillian.
- Look, he he didn't mean to say
- No, it's okay. I don't
disagree with him on this one.
And I told you about Gillian.
Yes, you did. But thank
you for checking anyway.
She's really nice.
You've got good taste.
Yes, I do.
All right.
So, I've been waiting for a moment.
We got a letter today.
Oh, wow. There it is.
We're buying a house!
Yeah, I guess we are.
They were cooking spag bog together.
It was very sensual.
Really? Pasta just makes me bloated.
There's definite URST between them.
MURST, even.
Massive Unresolved Sexual Tension.
At least, I don't think it's resolved.
Can it be resolved?
According to the doctors, not so much.
It doesn't need to be resolved
to be resolved, does it?
All done, Mims.
Oh, thanks, Ivan.
Yeah, you shouldn't
have any more leakage.
Ivan, do men only enjoy sex if
they arrive at their destination
or can they enjoy the journey?
I think I'm unprepared
for this conversation.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Lil, hi.
- Ivan. Hi.
- Oh!
How was he?
Terrifyingly brilliant.
He speaks exclusively in pithy
catchphrases that are at once witty
and insightful.
He also hates me.
Well, he can't be that bright.
Mind you, he loves Gillian.
Who's Gillian?
Gillian Tremain.
Jack's sexy, international
award-winning, croissant-making ex.
Googling now.
Sav blanc?
I'm still working.
Oh, yeah, she's hot.
Oh, dear.
It's like the whole package, isn't it?
LILY: All I'm asking is you
don't make your mind up
until you come in tomorrow
and we talk face-to-face.
Thank you so much.
No, thank you, Mariam. No, I really
I really appreciate it.
It's gonna be great.
Okay, see you then.
Is everything okay?
Thanks for having us stay, Mum.
It's okay, sweetie.
It's been wonderful.
Can I just ask, with Dad,
did you suspect he was up to
anything before he proposed?
No. Totally blindsided.
There were no signs?
At all?
Well, in retrospect, but uh
at the time, oblivious.
Why, you don't think Jack?
Maybe.
Oh, what are you gonna do?
I want to be with him, but this is big.
You know?
How did Dad do it?
Hotels, mainly.
I think there was a hostess at a
bathroom at the airport at Changi
- but I can't be certain
- What?
Darling, look, I I so don't want
to tell you how to run your life,
but in my experience, once a
cheater, always a cheater.
Is it the Gillian person?
What? I meant propose.
I think Jack is going to propose.
That's terrific!
It's terrifying.
- Why?
- Why!?
We just had a conversation where
you admitted your entire marriage
was punctuated with
infidelity and deception.
No, that was just us.
No. Grandma and Grandpa.
Nan and Pop.
Uncle Glen and Lucy.
Uncle Glen and Trish.
- Uncle Glen
- Okay.
All divorced.
Erase this conversation.
Strike it from the record.
No, wait, wait, wait.
Darling, we weren't a
team, your dad and I.
Well, I mean, we did, we had
good times, we had ambitions.
They were very different ambitions.
Your dad went to work, I stayed at home.
We weren't a team.
Plus, he couldn't stop his penis
from falling into all these other women.
It was mainly the team thing.
That went well.
He wants to come for a drink
after you work tomorrow.
He does or you do?
What's Gillian's TV idea like?
Good.
Actually, she asked me to do a
guest spot on a test filming.
That'll be fun. Do you want to?
I don't know. Would you mind?
No, not at all.
- Are you disappointed in me?
- What?
You told Sean I'm still
making documentaries.
I'm proud of whatever you do.
We're a team.
(TRAIN HORN BLARES)
(WHISPERS) Do you know
where the keys are?
Try my jacket pocket.
(KEYS JANGLE)
SIMONE: Morning!
Big night?
Um
Nup.
Oh, right, Alice starts
work at, like, what, 3:00 am.
She didn't stay.
Oh.
You all right?
Mm-hm.
You don't seem all right. You're
doing that weird clipped thing.
I'm absolutely fine.
(MUMBLES) You don't seem fine.
Well, I'm not fine now because you
keep telling me how not fine I am.
Okay.
It was the sex, all right?
If you want to know, it was the sex.
I froze up, I freaked out and so
Which is so frustrating
because I was good at it.
And I know how that sounds.
I don't want to sound
I was good in bed, and now
'Cause what's the point in a
relationship, in any relationship,
if you can't
I can't I don't wanna
talk about it. I'm sorry.
I've gotta go to work.
Hey. How did it go with Jack's brother?
- Fine.
- Yeah?
Did you see the burkini package?
Yeah.
Looks like you hit the ground running.
Okay, are you
are you positive you're not
angry about me being here?
- Angry?
- Yeah.
Why would I be angry?
I've only spent the last
eight years here working,
trying to develop my own
projects and you swan in,
- taking my office, no less
- I didn't know it was your office.
Yeah, and you get handed
one on a silver platter.
You're the one who put it on a platter!
Exactly.
And you rejected my offer,
only to go and work on
the exact same idea
- with the guy trying to steal my job.
- No, no, not the exact same
No, in fact, it's quite
a different idea.
You said you don't know what it is.
I know that it's its own
show and not a segment.
On a show you hate.
- No, I didn't say that.
- Thank you.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'd rather spend my energy defending
the show to an actual guest.
(SIGHS)
(DING!)
I just want you to be heard.
Being heard these days usually
just leads to being trolled.
Which is exactly why the
public need to keep seeing
amazing women like you on
shows like this every day.
(SIGHS) Last time I did
this, I got death threats.
Just stay calm, breathe, and
no matter what happens,
no matter what she says,
you'll stay on the high ground.
I promise.
Okay. Let's do this.
You're a star.
Now, Chen will take you
to get a mic pack on,
then we're only a short while away.
Yep.
Wonderful.
Lily, this is Glenda Westhouse,
the head of the Australia
United Movement.
I'm Lily Woodward. I'm
the show's producer.
- How are you?
- I'm fine.
Just so you know, I am not gonna be
pussyfooting around on this one.
I call a spud a spud.
I'm a woman who won't
be told what to say.
- MAN: Three, two
- (BREAKFAST BAR THEME MUSIC FADES)
Okey-dokey.
Well, it's time for this
weekend's hot button topic,
where we find Nikkii
checking out the burkini.
That's right. The burkini.
She has a look at the
recent cossie controversy.
Throughout history, in
every culture on earth,
headwear has played a variety of roles.
But when a suburban swimming
pool ejected two women
for wearing burkinis,
it sparked a heated debate
as to whether the attire is a
symbol of religious oppression
or individual liberty.
This is not a burqa, by
the way. It's a hijab.
This is a burkini.
Although technically it
should be called a hijabini,
but that doesn't quite
have the same ring to it.
(CLAPPING) Pete Barnett!
Now, joining us to have the discussion
is Australia United Movement
founder, Glenda Westhouse,
and prominent Islamic
academic Dr Mariam Hadiz.
Ladies, welcome.
Thanks for having me.
- My mum says hi. Massive fan.
- Oh, bless her.
Well, a big hello to your mum.
Hello, Mum. (LAUGHS)
Now, Mariam, we'll start with you.
How do you respond to this incident?
Well, I think it's really unfortunate.
These women were just enjoying a swim
in a way that fits with their faith.
I acknowledge that people have concerns
over how much choice women have but
Yeah, you know, this is what
really pisses me off, Nikkii.
The idea that women are
told what to wear.
I mean, that is what the Australia
United Movement is all about,
protecting our way of life.
And section 116 of the Constitution
states that there shall be no law
that prohibits the free
exercise of any religion,
and that obviously includes burkinis.
She seems to be more
pro-burkini and anti-burkini.
I mean, I personally go for a bikini.
The short briefs. You know, the
bottoms with the little frill.
- Mm!
- Yeah.
I wanted car crash television
and this is roadside assistance.
Alice?
I just assumed from
the anti-sharia stuff.
Anyway, you said not too extreme.
And might I add, Mariam,
I love that scarf.
Should we roll the package
with the Dalai Lama and Coldplay
singing Give Peace a Chance?
Or maybe it'll go viral in a nice way?
Like cold sores.
Lily, that was Sasha.
What did she say?
"Fix it." Really loudly.
- The colour is really divine.
- Thank you.
Eric, this is your chance
to assert yourself.
What do you think?
Um, ladies, uh
as a feminist myself
Oh, Lord.
I have to say, I find it
quite un-Australian, you know,
the suggestion that women be,
you know, made to remove
or made to wear something
while they're swimming,
or anywhere for that matter
But should they be made to remove
something they want to wear?
Do they really want to, Glenda?
You're saying women can't
decide for themselves?
Or what about a wetsuit?
Would that be acceptable?
(LAUGHS) Well, of course!
So when does a collar on a
wetsuit become too high?
- Eric, keep keep it
- I-I-I hope I would say
- Keep it general.
- Um
Keep it general.
Above the ears?
So the suit Cathy Freeman wore when
she won gold at the Sydney Olympics,
one of the most iconic moments in
Aussie history, would she be banned?
Great question.
Would she, you know
Well, yes, yes, in this case.
Cathy Freeman would, in fact, be banned.
There we go. Got there in the end.
NIKKII: Back soon with
more at The Breakfast Bar.
SASHA: You know who I was
just on the phone to?
A six-figure sponsor whose new
campaign features Cathy Freeman,
informing me they will no
longer be six-figure sponsors.
They will now be single-figure sponsors.
Do you know what that figure is?
- Zero?
- Zero. Correct.
- I'll fix this.
- Will you?
Yes, like, actually fix it.
Just give me the day.
Well, that was interesting.
Last night I went through
the thousands of ways
that could go wrong, and
that was not one of them.
Hey, look, about me working with Jeremy,
I do acknowledge my about-face.
I'd call it your betrayal.
Okay, well, let's settle
on backflip, shall we?
"Look, Lil, this book
means so much to me.
"I practically bled into the keyboard."
I did not say it like that.
You said it exactly like that.
Okay, fine, I'm a turncoat,
but look, the manuscript's failed
with everyone except Jeremy.
You were. I
It was a big opportunity and I
have to think of my niche and now,
so thank you for putting
it in front of him.
- Hey, you guys, uh
- Hmm.
So what's the word?
Not good.
I meant to say,
why is it that women are always
the ones being told what to wear?
Yeah, but unfortunately what you said
is that one of our most
beloved public figures
shouldn't be allowed in public spaces.
Did I? But that was just
It was Eric being Eric, you know?
I think we need to apologise.
Okay.
But let's let's keep it fun.
(CLICKS FINGERS) Yeah?
I will forgive everything if
you'll help me write this apology.
- Everything?
- Everything.
So, um, what do we want
to achieve? Big picture.
To not receive any more hate mail.
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Ah.
Ah
Sorry. That's you.
If you were gonna propose to someone,
would you talk to their father
about it before you spoke to them?
Uh
I guess it depends.
On what?
On
I don't know, whether I needed
him to pay for the wedding.
So, yes.
Look, I mean, I probably wouldn't,
but if it's Jack we're talking about
then, you know, he's way
more chivalrous than me.
Is this really about his
methods or your hang-ups?
I mean, I'm the same.
We're the products of shitty,
badly thought out marriages
that resulted in heartache and acrimony.
- It's why we're so messed up.
- Speak for yourself.
Okay, um, I'm the child of a
bitter and twisted divorce
that resulted in two angry,
estranged kids, lifelong issues
and the belief that monogamy is
neither possible nor desirable.
So
I've just realised you've
stolen my office again.
Let's just focus on the
apology, shall we?
I know what you need.
A sex specialist.
A hooker?
No, don't use that word.
That's like calling you a cripple.
I am a cripple.
Well, you're allowed to say that.
You will call a professional
sex worker a sex worker.
Now, do you want sex or not?
Yes.
Well, then, go out there and take it.
No. That sounds rapey.
Go out there and pursue it in a
charming and consensual way.
I just
I don't want any pity sex.
Sim, I said I don't want
No, it's not pity.
It's
scientific.
Unless
Sorry.
SEAN: It'll be fine.
JACK: Just don't do
that thing that you do.
What thing?
I just need tonight to go really well.
- Hi.
- Hey.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Bit of a situation at work.
So we saw.
So are you gonna be the one to fire him?
Sean
We're hoping an apology
will calm things down.
What, one of those, "If you're
offended, I regret it" ones?
Hopefully it'll be a little
more sincere than that.
Look, Lily, I'm not sold on your show.
- Okay, hey, can we just
- No, no, you know what?
Look, it's okay.
You hate it.
I get it.
Do I question some of my life choices
when things get a little sensational?
Sure.
But we also do plenty of segments
that make everyday people
think about real issues, and
that I am super proud off.
I was going to say that I'm
not sold on your show,
but this is the most settled
I've seen this guy in ages.
So in spite of the fact that you
clearly know nothing about footy
..you must be special.
Now.
I'm going to leave you two
to your romantic dinner.
- Romantic dinner?
- Ta-ta.
Hmmm
So, did you really plan this?
JACK: I just figured we haven't
had a moment to ourselves
since we got back.
Plus
I want to talk to you about something.
Something big, actually.
I want to ask you
Wait, wait, wait.
I think I know what you're gonna
say and I feel strange about it.
Strange?
Like, I get the whole gentlemanly,
old-school vibe thing. I get it.
And it's
But it's too much. It's
too much. This is too much.
First the house and now
You don't want to buy the house?
No, I do, but it's
It's a lot
all at once and it's like, I
feel like I can't breathe.
A lot.
Do I want to
marry you?
Can I? I don't know if I
can. It's That's a big
We haven't even spoken about it yet.
I wasn't gonna ask you to marry me.
Then what was with all the signs?
What signs?
The house.
My dad.
Meeting your brother. The ring.
Look, I do want to propose
some time, just not now,
and definitely not with
your grandmother's ring.
Then, why was
Your mum bailed me up last
night when I got home.
I want you to have it.
It belonged to Lily's grandmother, Fifi.
Oh, the divorced one,
who said that apartheid were
the best years of her life?
She had her quirks.
Well, what did you want
to ask me about, then?
About Gillian.
- Mm-hm.
- The pilot.
The segment I helped out on.
They bought it on the spot on the
proviso that well, I host it too.
That's
What did you say?
That I'd think about it.
What's different about that offer
to all the other offers you've had?
I mean, apart from Gillian.
Hey, that's not the
reason that I'm doing it.
No, it's not that I'm jealous.
I actually thought you didn't
want to do TV anymore.
I was happy in New Zealand.
You wanted to come back
here, which is great.
But you said, "Follow your gut."
This is me following my gut.
I thought your gut didn't want
to work on any more TV shows.
No, my gut just didn't want
to work on your TV show.
And it's good to know
where you stand on that.
And marriage, apparently.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Um
I No, sorry, you go.
The other night
No, you don't Um
Alice and I had a chat and
we've decided that, um,
we're just gonna get to know
each other a bit better.
You know, see what happens, so
You don't need to
- worry.
- Yeah.
Good. Yeah, that's good.
(BREAKFAST BAR THEME MUSIC)
Willkommen. Bienvenue.
Slamak pagi boo.
- Selamat pagi pak.
- (LAUGHS)
Cunning linguists, welcome to The
Breakfast Bar, and happy Sunday.
Now, first off the bat
this morning, folks,
I wanted to address some
feedback we received
after yesterday's hot button segment.
Um
It appears I said some things that
some viewers found offensive.
Now, they were my own personal views.
They certainly don't reflect
the views of the show.
Which is why I've come
to the conclusion that
I need not apologise.
Because I'm a straight shooter.
I tell it like it is.
The PC brigade, the latte sippers
Oh, yeah, I'll have a soy.
Do you know what?
I'm not going to let them bully
me for speaking my truth.
They can keep their bleeding hearts.
I am Eric Albrechtsen and
I will keep an open mind.
I tell you what, you do you.
I'll do Eric.
Fair? I think so.
Coming up on The Breakfast
Bar this morning
- That was you, wasn't it?
- Yeah.
He's gonna get slaughtered.
I don't think so.
No, it's better to own
these things nowadays.
Post-fact, fake news.
You haven't done anything wrong
until you apologise for it,
so don't apologise.
- Jeremy!
- Mm?
Thank you. That was great advice.
Lily, you too.
Thank you. You're so right.
Let's let Eric be Eric.
"Let's let Eric be Eric"!
(CHUCKLES) You know what I mean?
That was great!
Hey. I did not write that, by the way.
Are you stealing from
the office already?
Uh, no. This is
Sorry, I didn't get time to wrap it
but it's a housewarming present for you.
I ran out of time to get
the scented candles.
Thank you.
It's not annoying having you here.
Oh, well, give it a week.
JACK: Hey.
Hi!
Hi. Oh.
Sorry to surprise you at work.
No, it's fine. It's nice.
I just
I've thought about everything that
you've said, and you're right.
That was a big thing to
do with the show, so
I won't do it if you don't want me to.
Of course I do.
And I also want you to know that
my pathological fear of commitment
has nothing to do with you.
That's fine.
But I put my cards on
the table now, so
if you change your mind,
the ball is in your court.
Let's go home.
Made you some ravioli.
You're the best.