People I hate on Twitter

July 18, 2014

Ok, hate is a strong word. I really just used it here for hyperbolic effect. But there are a few people in the Twittersphere who get my goat. I don’t go out of my way to annoy them or anything, because live and let live is a nice vibe for everyone. But I do casually bitch about them on my blog.

1. #Entrepreneur
I’m sorry, there are probably a few very nice, interesting people out there who use #Entrepreneur in their bio. I mean, it’s possible. But generally, when I see this, I think “wow, that’s a really ingenious way of writing “I’m a massive wanker” in your bio in only 13 characters rather than the full 20 characters.

2. The hashtag bio-hazard
Really? Every single part of your bio has to be a hashtag, does it? This is the way to take #Entrepreneur to the next level of douchery. If your bio looks like this:

and you’re not 14, I’m a little concerned for your mental health.

3. The serial ignorer
I don’t expect an answer to every tweet. Sometimes tweets get missed. Some times tweets don’t need a reply. Sometimes you have nothing to say back. But if you can’t reply to anyone who isn’t a close personal friend of yours and you’re not famous, I don’t know why you’re even on Twitter. Seriously.

I will kill them with kindness. I will eventually win some sort of acknowledgement from these people, even if it is just a favourite. It is my mission. And when I do, I’ll probably never mention it again, because I don’t like the drama. But secretly, I’ll still know.

4. Let’s RT everything!
Your entire timeline is RTs. Please. Think of just one thing of your own to tweet. Take a picture of a Starbucks cup, or your hotdog legs on a beach. Anything. Write a simple “good morning” tweet. It actually gets to the point where receiving a RT from these people means nothing. Because that’s ALL they do.

5. Oh, Twitter isn’t good enough for you? You need me on Facebook as well?
When I follow you on Twitter, I will not be swayed by an automated DM to go and ‘Like’ you on Facebook as well. Impress me on Twitter and maybe then I’ll be inspired enough to stalk you on every social network. Until then, let’s just calm down and be happy about the fact that you have my attention on Twitter. For now. Until your next spammy DM.