-Cars with no seatbelts, airbags, crumple zones, or other safety systems would be declared perfectly safe by the FDA, which would instead focus on the dangers of bicycles.

-Driver’s ed programs would be cancelled nationwide, and people would be encouraged to buy new cars rather than repair damaged ones or avoid accidents in the first place.

-Safety tests showing that cars were dangerous would be buried, and scientists who produced such results would be prevented from ever conducting car safety tests ever again.

-After being sued by customers injured in the cars with no safety systems, automakers would further lobby Congress to pass laws protecting car companies against class-action lawsuits.

-Any federally mandated warnings about car safety problems would be printed in small type on a tiny label hidden under the driver’s seat.

-Driving certain cars would cause side effects like loss of sex drive or full-body muscle pain.

Advertising

-Car companies would heavily promote new models each year, which would be no different from the ones they were selling 30 years ago.

-Car companies would invent reasons for you to buy a dozen or more cars.

-Automobile advertising would be filled with pictures of happy, healthy, energetic drivers, but the cars would break down constantly, fail to perform as promised, and quickly stop working.

-Cars would be sold to you with extra features like a sunroof, air conditioning, or a navigational system, but when the car arrived none of these features would be included, just as drug companies exaggerate the “multiple health benefits” of their products.