Thursday, October 25, 2012

There are weeks when you really have to celebrate the little things, like making it past Wednesday. So far this semester, if I made it to Wednesday afternoon without completely freaking out, I knew I was going to make it through the week just fine and could look forward to the weekend. Yesterday morning, I woke up and one of my first thoughts was "It's Wednesday! I can get through today and then it's downhill from here!" I was so excited to have made it halfway. And today I feel awesome! I went to bed late last night, but once I forced myself out of my warm bed and dark bedroom I have been in a great mood and am even better now that I did a RAK (Random Act of Kindness) :]We're also over the hump of being halfway through the semester. It's incredible that I have less than 24 weeks of undergraduate coursework left. It's truly unbelievable to me. I still feel like I'm 16 sometimes-though I'm terribly grateful that that isn't the case. 16-year-old me was kind of naive and somewhat annoying when I look back at notes I passed with friends and other similar artefacts.Anyway, congratulations on making it halfway! The rest of the week should be smooth sailing :]Cowboy football and pumpkin carving this weekend!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

The first week of this month I was pretty focused on the fact that Thursday was the 4th. I got into my first serious relationship October 4, 2008. The very next day, my parents and I drove to Oklahoma to visit OSU for the first time. It didn't seem like such a big deal then, but looking back, if those two days were any different, my whole life right now would probably be completely altered.

Phi Mu/PIKE house dec at the greatest homecoming in the nation!

Somehow, in my crazy thought process, that gets me to living zealously. If you don't live zealously, enthusiastically, eagerly, how are you going to experience any life-altering events? If I wasn't eager to start a relationship or enthusiastic about continuing my education, it's possible that neither of the events of that October would have happened. I probably wouldn't have ended up at Oklahoma State. If I wasn't at OSU, I wouldn't have met all the amazing people here-I may have met other amazing people, but not the ones here that have become so important to me and served such a great purpose in my life. I may have gotten into a relationship, but it's doubtful it would have been very important to me. If I hadn't begun a serious relationship, I would not have ended said relationship last winter and wouldn't have had the crazy (for me) semester that I did this past spring. If that semester hadn't happened, I truly don't think that I could've been happy to be in a relationship right now. I wouldn't have had those experiences that I realized I was missing from my life during my past relationship.

At a bonfire near Yale, OK after the hoco game. I got to play a congo!

I think that if I had been unenthusiastic and very lackadaisical (I thought it was "laxadaisical,". . . Whatevs) about deciding where to go to school, I probably wouldn't have gone out of state, possibly not even out of the city I graduated high school in; I definitely wouldn't have been doing as well as I have in school. That would cause me to not get into grad school, which in turn would keep me from getting into the career that I want.

Guys, there are so many things that can go wrong and make your life different. I don't think that it could be like the Butterfly Effect-the cereal I decide to eat isn't going to change my entire life, but pretty much any decision that is bigger than that can change the course of everything.

Two very dear friends and I at last year's Bedlam game.

Be intentional with your daily life and be earnest in seeking the things that you are passionate about. If you aren't actively searching for those things, you will not get them. This is my sophisticated form of YOLO. You really do only live once-make it count.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Have you ever taken a psychological test and had to answer a question about if you ever feel like you're out of your body or watching your life from the outside? I always thought that was a weird question until recently when I started feeling that way. Pretty much constantly. I'm just so exhausted all the time and I'll think, like I did immediately before starting to type this, that it would be nice for someone to just come do life for me for a little while until my real life starts.

August 11; Sunrise at Trail West Lodge in Buena Vista, CO

And then I get into the whole this-is-real-life/you-write-a-blog-about-embracing-life-how-can-you-say-you-don't-want-to? kinda thing. Which makes me even more tired, but it does make me step back and think: Why are you tired? (I stayed up late and watched a movie/played games on my phone. Also, I cleaned, did homework, went to a full day of school) What can you do to change that? (Go to sleep earlier/no TV at bedtime/no phone at bedtime. Have better time management skills so I don't have to do all of that on one day) Are you thankful for what makes you tired? (For my phone and TV, sure. For getting a wonderful education at a great university? Absolutely!) Does what makes you tired glorify God? (Watching TV and playing on my phone, not so much. My career will someday glorify God because I'll be helping people...) Are you embracing feeling tired? (I let myself fall into it and go to sleep :P )

July 25; the Continental Divide

That second-to-last question really gets to me. Does X activity glorify God? And my answer of "it will in the future," bothers me a little bit. And I know in my head that I should be able to glorify God right now, not in the future where I'm out of school and have everything figured out (which would never happen anyway). That's what's really making me feel like I'm living outside my body; like I'm watching everything that I do, rather than actually partaking in it. I am so focused on the future and just getting to where I want to go that it makes it hard to be present today and live for today. And again, I know that in my head-I'm just having trouble taking that thought process and solving the issue. How do you transfer that idea from just an idea to actually feeling present and alert to what is happening right now?

March 30; Anadarko, OK sunset while at Phi Lamb retreat

I have noticed that the times when I am most susceptible to feeling like this is when I'm tired or bored. If I am fully awake (rarely happens), if I am doing something I really enjoy (a few times a week), or if I am with someone I really want to be around at that moment (rare, but not exceptionally) I don't really experience the out-of-body thing. I guess I'm just going to have to make sure to like everything that I'm doing and everyone that I'm with while I'm doing it!

March 17; View from the plane from Charlotte, NC to Orlando, FL

Other than that, the best thing that I can do for this right now is to continue to remind myself that I'm not in the future yet, and that I shouldn't wish time away. Every time I catch myself thinking that I can't wait for something to happen in the future or like I'm living outside my body, I take a moment to breath, close my eyes, and appreciate what is currently around me. Taking that moment of silence to gather myself really helps me focus on whatever I'm meant to be working on and be thankful for being tired; it allows me to take pleasure in the little things and try to soak up this last year of college till I'm the fullest sponge out there. I don't want to forget a second of this precious time in my life, and the best way to ensure the memories is to feel like I'm actually a part of them.

Not sure what date, but it was August; Rainbow from the deck of the Rayburn Room at Trail West

Now would anyone like to go grocery shopping for me?
No? Just leave a comment then :] I'd love to hear your input on this!