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Feb 8 Scaring Myself

I finally bought one of those ‘year at a glance’ calendars at an office supply store over the weekend. Happily I found something that looks pretty (even as it hangs, largely concealed, behind an office door) and which also warranted the purchasing of some colourful dry erase markers. Because function does not need to be devoid of pleasing aesthetics, even if I’m basically going to be the only one looking at it. At least that’s my opinion. I’m not saying it’s a flat-out fact or anything.
All the squares on the calendar are not yet filled. The only schedule carried all the way through (so far) is when I’m helping/teaching in one of my church’s Sunday school classes. Some vacation time has been blocked off. Wednesday night church stuff has been entered for a few months so far, along with a 5K run, some fun wedding preparation activities with nieces, blog post dates for one month, and a Skype call I have coming up this Saturday.

I’m mildly wigged out by the Saturday Skype call. Not the person I’ll be talking with, mind you – she’s kind and encouraging and smart. She thinks I have a good story to tell, as gossamer light the idea feels to be at present. (Even after a 2015 November of trying, again, to get something down on the page.) But I’m struggling with regards to building some sort of a framework for a story about baristas and spies, possibly barista spies (or spy baristas?), with having to make something solid and concrete out of fragments, and knowing I need to see the building process through to the end. Throw in having to start from scratch in terms of character-forming and world-building – no piggybacking on the groundwork done by others, as fanfic writing has allowed me to do. – and it’s no wonder I had a headache most of yesterday.

I’m a bit/lot (depends on the moment) scared, y’all. And I’m wondering if it’s the right or best decision to focus on this and not on other things, on any thing other than this thing, this book-type thing. Because there is the very real possibility the whole idea will fizzle. That once some serious work is put in, the “wouldn’t it be cool if—?” idea will prove to be no more than an idea best left to float off on the breeze. Though sitting on and occasionally pondering the idea for another year won’t get it (or me) anywhere, either.

Perhaps then it is best to press on, knees a-knocking, and finally find out what happens next be it good or bad.