nothing in here is true

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

when i was a kid i thought that by now id have a house a few kids a dog a minivan a huge afro golf clubs a huge satelite dish in my back yard a pool table in the basement a barbershop quartet moustashe a fridgerator in the garage a fridgerator in the kitchen that had an ice maker a station waggon a 401k a beer belly an exchange student a kite stuck in a tree a minibike that my wife said dont let the kids ride but when shes shopping i lettem ride couplea fish named angus and malcolm some rare picassos six seven suits renters insurance and several bowling league trophies.

instead i have a blog. and you. and pretty much all the freedom in the world.

how did this happen? how did the lord bless me so? how is it that everything that i thought would be mine is someone elses and they seem happy with it but i seem just as happy without it. maybe more. maybe.

how is it that every bit of music except exodus’s free for all is available at the click of a button or the spin of bottle? how is it that you can pause live tv? how is it that you can buy a house with no money down? how is it that gas is $2.75 and we think thats the greatest deal ever. how is it that theres a black man in the white house and his name isnt sammy sosa?

how is it that monday i woke up and both of my alarm clocks said a certain time a half hour earlier than what it was but my iphone said it was the correct time and i swear to you after i took my shower the clocks had corrected themselves?

how is it that people pay me money for things that take me ten seconds to do and with that money i can send a dutch girl a sweet christmas gift and have money left over to pay for an expensive and sinfully delicious sushi meal for two? how is it that im pretty sure that those sorta opportunities wont end.

how is it that the cubs arent world champs right now. how is it that i dont have a sweet pair of pumas right now. how is it that yesterday at this time i was checking out a hottie in hello kitty booty shorts and today im not and im sorta ok with that. how is it that ive worked at my dream job for 11 months now and i still take pictures like a tourist inside the building?

but if you could only answer one question please tell me how all the vjs have come and gone on mtv but why god has john norris the least interesting of all of them and his frosted tips has been allowed to stay.