November 15, 2011

This may sound absolutely ridiculous to you. In fact, it sounds that way to me as I type it. You see, BG, I’ve been reading this site for a while, and it irks me to no end when people wire about how lonely they are, and how some of them feel as though they need another person to be complete. I’ve always been content with my life and myself, and I never thought I needed a man. Lately, though, I’ve started to feel very lonely (I’m ashamed to admit it, but I even shed a few tears a few hours ago). Why, you ask? Well, I have been without a man (a date, even!) for over a year. It’s starting to get to me. I mean, I’m even starting to wonder what’s wrong with me that no one is interested (or the only people that are, are the guy friends that you just want to keep as that … friends!) I guess some motivational words about hanging in there and having fun on my own are truly needed right now. Thanks for listening, BG!
— Deborah

Dear Deborah,

Anyone tells me they “need another person to be complete,” they go straight to the Breakup List, I don’t care if they’re not even seeing anyone. However, feeling like you “need a man” and feeling “lonely” are totally distinct things. A lot of people “have” a man and are still lonely. Look, humans are social creatures. They like companionship, not to mention reproduction (going through the motions, anyway). A partner — not, mind you, a savior, an “answer” etc. — is a lovely thing to want. Someone to “share the driving,” as a previous writer so eloquently put it. So the first hang-in-there words I’ll give you are: “lonely” is fine, but “ashamed” of it is not. See, I’m worried that if you feel that bad (for the wrong reasons) about wanting to be with someone (for the right ones), that you won’t just get Out There and do the voodoo that you do.

The next motivational speech is this: doggone it, people like you. Just because you don’t LIKE-like them doesn’t mean it doesn’t “count.” I know it’s totally ironic (in the Alanis Morrisette sense; like, it sucks). But take their feelings as votes of confidence, not as winks at your inner spinster.