Saturday, November 12, 2011

Upon returning home from U of M hospital where I'd spent the last 29 hours supporting my BFF while her husband underwent open heart surgery I discovered that aunt flow had appeared and again slashed any hopes and dreams I might have had of a baby. She's a thundercunt and can fuck the hell off.

So, IUI #2 is a fail. What I really appreciate is how my period is such a spiteful bitch she waits until the last day before I have to test to show her stupid face. As if the agony of waiting out the two week window isn't a big enough mind fuck.

Because this weekend wasn't packed with enough real life drama I then had to put my shit back together and slap on a fake face.I cried while applying make up so I could attend my cousins going away party. She's moving to Dallas with her hubby in a week and I won't be seeing her smiley face for a while. My husband was trying to keep my spirits up because it upsets him when I cry, said "Isn't crying while putting on make up counter productive?" Why yes, yes it is.

While we were at the party my cousins friends with a beautiful baby showed up. Then they put their cute baby on a blanket on the floor right in front of me. His mama said to him "Oh, honey you are so cute, I just love you so much, I can't get enough of you". Then I died a little lot. Then I had to get the fuck out of there.

Guess I really won't be getting the opportunity to make a pregnancy annoucement at Friends Thanksgiving or even real Thanksgiving as I'd hoped. I won't be giving our parents a framed ultrasound picture for Christmas either. I don't give a shit about the holidays this year. I'm not feeling cheery and I am gonna have to dig hard to find something to be thankful for at Thanksgiving.

I can't stop crying tonight. I feel very defeated and totally fucked over by the universe and about $6,000 more in debt.

I don't want to talk or hear about babies. I don't want to see babies until I can get through this mood.

Monday, August 1, 2011

We had an conultation appointment with a new Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) aka Fertility Doctor in our area. It's a smaller practice with one RE who's highly respected in this area. He has several adult children, one of which is a daughter that has my same first and middle name. It's fate, right? He made a lof sperm jokes to put H at ease and he gave me a hug when I left. The office was decorated with hundreds of pictures of babies from patients who had "graduated" from infertility (IF). Very encouraging to see.

He seemed confident even though I've only got the left ovary & tube that IUI is the way for us to go. Our consult with him lasted an hour and a half and he explained so much to me that others neglected to do. I feel very invigoratted and a new positive energy. Let's hope this is the practice for us!

Friday, June 24, 2011

If you have never heard of a Honey Badger, they are one of the most bad ass animals in nature.(see video below)

Lately I've been resisting the urge to throat punch people at work and other well meaning people in my life. I don't know if it's a hormonal thing or what, but I'm just really sick of a lot of the whining and bullshit people are bringing to me at work.

I acknowledge that we all need to talk through our problems to make ourselves feel better, however I can only listen to the same list of complaints- all of which are out of your control for so long. Then I have to fight back the urge to shout "Hey Idiot, you have a 50% chance of this working out for you or not working out for you. Regardless, you'll manage.

I work with several Grandma's (AKA G-Squad) who are scared of the sound of their own farts. You could easily give them a heart attack by asking them to hold others in our company accountable. This whole week I had to sit with my door closed for almost the whole day. Every day.

I can't listen to another stupid "Guess what my perfect grandchild did story or listen to them rave about what new AARP discount they got". I don't give a flying fuck about your Grand kids and I'd really love it if you could actually add value to our department or just fuckin' retire already and let us hire people who want to work. I will not teach you how to use Excel again you better ask someone else.

I've tried to be nice but they would screw me over at lunch time telling me I needed to stay and watch the department so they could all go out to eat with each other since there were only certain days they were all on the schedule. Thanks a lot G-Squad! Don't choke on your Boniva and Ben Gay sandwiches. Assholes!

I wish I could actually tell at work and in my life to fuck off and shut up until they have something to say that's worth listening to, but that wouldn't be the actions of a "Team Player", now would it? I'll just sit behind my closed office door and wait to attack like the Honey Badger.

Friday, June 17, 2011

My Sister works downtown in a high rise building in the busy business district. She works in a call center with about 10 other very nice women. While everyone gets along very well, some of the women are more lax in their grammar. Think inner city slang type speech, but not quite Ebonics.

On this particular day one of the said slang talkin' ladies came hurriedly out from the bathroom that was shared by the entire floor of their company. My sister heard her very upset voice, rambling from down the hall. As the woman made it back into the call center area she was telling several other people about the atrocity she had just witnessed in the restroom.

She describes that she went in there to do her business. She entered her normal stall door to find a large TURD on the floor. She then says she got out of there so fast and then asks "Okay, who SHITTED on da flo?".

My amazing little sister shared this gem of a story with me, all of her friends, and then my friends, We now have this running joke- because it's hilarious. Apparently it happened again on, at least, one other occasion. Then a couple people were fired for various reasons and the shitting on the floor stopped.

It's also funny for me because my sister has a phobia of public restrooms because they are dirty and germy but also because she has some pretty intense issues with "breathing in other peoples poop fumes and putting those germs into her lungs". I'm sure hearing that you have a phantom floor shitter in your midst made her eyes bug out of her head. I wish I could've been there!

But the cherry on this sundae is really this email that I received from my cousin who I don't get to see every week because she moved two states away:

We have a bio-parent who gets to visit with her son every week...she has a "medical problem" which causes her to need a diaper. Well, yesterday she went into our bathroom which we share with several other suites in the building and apparently left her shit filled diaper on the floor as well as poop everywhere in the bathroom. Our building manager emailed us and told us to attend the "children" who use our bathrooms. When my co-worker told me this story I immediately thought "who shitted on da floor". HAHA!!!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

What happens when a sister infertile finally becomes pregnant? I recently found out what happens after a friend had a successful IVF cycle.

At first you sit there stunned.

Your eyes may start to sting with tears.

You may think "Holy Shitballz! If it can happen for them, maybe it really will happen for us!!".

You may feel immediate joy.

You will definitely feel like "Last of the Mohicans". The.Only.One. that is not knocked up.

Along with feeling like you're completely alone you may think: "Who will I talk to about the fact that I now feel completely comfortable with the TSA cavity searches on my recent trip to Disney, thanks to all the infertility tests I've endured?"

You will undoubtedly be holding your breath along with the mother-to-be after each doctor's appointment, praying that it's still good news until you hear that a healthy baby has been born.

No one wants to be in the infertility club. It's a dreadful place. No matter what road you have to take to get there, it's a blessing when a member graduates the inferility club. I'd like to know if there's a way to get to a place where you can skip all the emotional warfare and just skip right to being happy for someone who suffered along with you for so long? I hope to get to that place. It would be nice, not to mention make me feel a little better about my character if I could just be happy the second I hear an infertile isn't so infertile.

Lastly, you will never give up hope that you will end up just like the "friend of a friend's cat's old foster mother who tried for 19 years and BAM! One day- she was pregnant!!!" And now she gets to be the proud mother of the Carnie acting as Booking Agent for the "Yak Woman".

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Remember those Tampax commercials with "Mother Nature bringing you your monthly gift" aka your period at the most inconvenient times?

Well Mother Nature has parked her 18 wheel tractor trailer in my drive way and the gifts just keep on coming with no sign of her leaving. Thank.You.So.Much.

After 60 days of not getting a period. I finally got one except 27 days later- it's still going. Seriously.

It's like an episode of Oprah's favorite things where it starts out "Do you like this big screen? Well guess what audience you're going home with this BIGGGGG SCREEEEEN!!" and then 30 minutes later you leave with 15K worth of gifts. OR like the famous "You get a car! You get a car! Everybody gets a car!" episode where it the "fun" kept on building. I'll admit that this is very weird, but every morning when I wake up and still see my period is raging on I hear Oprah's voice in my head saying "You get a PERIOD! You get a PERIOD! A gets a PERIOD!

Keep your car. Bitch.

Incase you haven't seen the clip of Oprah giving away cars here it is from youtube:

Dinner was fun. Unfortunately I was the only one with out a fetus growing in my womb.

The story behind the accidental pregnancy was too good not to share. Sometimes when I tell these stories people just go silent. Maybe they blink a little- but they have no words and typically say "You can't make this stuff up".

My friend RS (Real Sassy) is the definition of free spirit. She's hilarious- probably one of the most honest people I've ever met. She's been looking for her prince charming for the five years I've known her. I've lost track of all her boyfriends and couldn't name them all if my life depended on it. I'm full of useless shit knowledge like that. They were nice guys, just not the right one.

I used to be real big on place cards at my annual Friends Thanksgiving dinner. I would re-use the place cards because our group of friends, for the most part, stayed the same. Well after the third year of having to re-make a new one for her current boyfriend I just wrote "RS's Man". All 20 of us laughed about it- EVERY THANKSGIVING! And in truly asshole-ish poor taste, we filled in the new boyfriend about what was so funny. Again, RS was upfront with her guys- so the guys could roll with it.

So at last weeks dinner, I'm so glad to see my friends and I ask RS about the sperm donor. I didn't know his name or that she was even dating anyone. She filled me in. They met on the "DatingSpot" section of the local news station's website. "I ask weren't you on reputable sites like Eharmony, Match, Cupid?" she said she and a friend were bored one night and wanted to see the "losers" on the Dating Spot. (And for all you 6th grade Creative Writing dorks out there- this is what we call foreshadowing).

RS's account of events had me reacting half the time with my jaw dropped and the other half of the time laughing til I cried. So please allow me to paraphrase her account of events.

RS meets up with this guy who looked very handsome in his photos/has a great smile. They end up bumping uglies several times. They become exclusive. He starts to make her sick errr the fetus inside of her starts to make her sick. She starts realizing (her words, not mine) that "he's pretty incompetent in life. Owns a home but knows nothing about plunging a toilet or starting a lawn mower- seems a little helpless for a 30 year old man". She finally takes a pregnancy test. Test comes back positive. They decide to still go on a trip to Florida. She tells him she's knocked up. He says things like "Oh, cool."

They get back from Florida RS tells him they need to break up because "she cannot stand him". He says things that indicate to her he thinks that a baby will come live with him. She explains that "newborns need to be with their Momma's and that she can't stand him so she will not be at his house." He loses his management job because he took a company car to the bar after work without permission and got in a fight with people that threw rocks at the back of the car so he backed up into said rock throwers and then took off. Rock throwers called the Police and now Sperm Donor may be facing criminal charges for fleeing the scene of an accident and is now unemployed. They've been together 13 weeks and she's 10 weeks pregnant.

RS was going back to have blood work taken this week to make sure everything is on track.

Yesterday while she was there having her blood drawn they gave her another ultra sound and found:

TWINS!!!

Surprise Twins! In the name of Leah & Cory from Teen Mom II this lucky bitch better play the lotto!

RS will be a fantastic mother, I have no doubt of that. In the meantime though, I am going to sit back and watch this episode of "32 & Pregnant" play out.

Friday, June 10, 2011

(To the tune of A. Morissette's "Ironic")
"You want to get knocked up, but you don't men-str-u-ate..."

So the saga of my uncooperative uterus continues... Here's some back story.

So I didn't get a period for 60 days. Not a big deal for me but I've been down this road before and it resulted in several months of bleeding and instances of hemorrhaging twice in the ER and once on the Central American island of Roatan. (That was real fun!)

Ultimately I ended up with a D&C. Having my baby bag scraped was great for me, I was instantly on regular 30 days cycles consistently for about a year -a record for me.

When FIL died things started to got shitty at our house. H and I were working long hours. I would go to acupuncture and they would do things that are supposed to bring on a period. Three weeks of that not working, they were ready to hook my uterus up to a car battery with jumper cables to get it going.

I finally got one in early May. Great! Except It's still going and we're almost half way through June .

I called the doctor - she's on maternity leave so they have me see another doctor. This doctor was not familiar with my history so I had to go through the whole thing with her and she was unimpressed with my whole- "I didn't have a period for a long ass time and now it won't stop. But sometimes it does stop and turns into spotting then nothing. Just enough to trick me into going out in public unprotected only to ruin every pair of underwear I own" story.

I requested she order me an ultrasound (u/s). The tech at the u/s says "Man looks like you're going to be getting a monster period soon".

"Gee thanks Betch -too bad I'm already on it" would you like to "predict" that Japan will have major earthquakes and tsunamis too?

Another week goes by, I call the Dr. to be a pest and ask if there's anything they can do to make my ute cooperate.

The RN calls me back and says "we're going to prescribe you this pill. You take it for two weeks and it should stop the bleeding, Oh and FYI, when you're done taking it, you'll get a period.

Thank you so much, Nurse!!!

So then I go the pharmacy and pick up this script, I'm reading the drug info. "Used for Breast and Uterine cancer patients (not me). Also used in terminal patients or malnourished patients to increase appetite (again not me, and I need to eat less, not more). I finally found some tiny Internet chat board that some people said that they have been prescribed this for the same problem so I will still take it.

I was able to get my friend Jess to agree to shield me from the media with the big tarp in the backyard when they have to take down a wall to get me out of the house and put me on the flat bed so I can go buy a new 6X mu mu.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

If you prefer to read the Cliffs Notes version of this post please scroll below all these pesky words.

Today is not so great. Well... I was having a great morning until a well meaning friend texted me about if I was able to come to her baby shower in a couple weeks.

I am not such a great friend as I avoided getting my mail out of my mailbox for a week knowing that the invite was coming. Then when I finally did get the mail I left the invitation un-opened on the kitchen counter for another couple days until H opened it for me. The baby's super cute sonogram picture is on the invitation. (cue the sad lifetime movie music.)

I just cannot do it. I cannot attend this baby shower right now. I'm happy for my friend. I'm grateful that she isn't going through infertility (IF) and she didn't even have to try to conceive her baby. But I'm like one more "accidental pregnancy" announcement away from losing my shit on everyone.

I didn't lie to her and make up an excuse as to why I can't attend. I shouldn't have to lie, I should be able to talk about this shit with my friends. I just told her I can't attend and am sorry to miss her celebration. More so I'm just sorry that this part of my life is so freakin' shitty. My friend texted me back and said she was actually meeting up with another friend of ours for dinner tonight- I should join them. I am excited!!! I thought this would be a great opportunity to give her the shower gift since I wouldn't be attending.
While I was on the phone with H, I texted the other friend to let her know I invited myself. She asked if I had heard her news. I hadn't, but I know what that means. "Have you heard my news?" means either you are engaged or pregnant. She doesn't have a boyfriend right now so I know she's not engaged...
She texted back "Prego, and by accident".

GREAT!

Of course you are!!!

I told H about her "have you heard my news" text and then when her reply text came in he asked me about it and I could barely get the words out. It was instant waterworks here folks. H asked me if I was going to be okay and then told me not to cry -as I got up from my desk to shut my office door to cry in private. I told him I'd keep it to a minimum and we hung up.

I already said I would meet them for dinner and I do miss them and very much would like to see them. What do I do?

Normally I would flake-the-fuck-out and not think twice about self preservation but I'm slightly worried that my friends will start to think I'm going to get all "Hand that Rocks the Cradle" on them. I know for sure I will never become THAT unhinged regardless of what happens. These girls are both older than me, they are good people, they want children- these babies are good things and they will be adorable!

I called my friend crying on the phone like a little bitch to tell them about this circus. She gave me three reasons I could use to get out of it and then was very encouraging and empathetic. I feel better.

I think I will still go to dinner because I miss those fertile bitches.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

What won't an infertile woman to do increase her odds of conceiving is the question I am starting to ask myself with each new crazy thing I sign up for.

For example I've started taking this powder that my acupuncturist told me helped 65% of women ovulate spontaneously. This stuff could be made from walrus testicles and ox assholes for all I know, but that hasn't stopped me from drinking it in a glass of milk each morning. Hopefully it works!

Another thing that I never thought I'd be doing is driving 18 miles after work every Tuesday to have needles inserted into weird places on my body. It doesn't hurt but I'm still not entirely comfortable with the fact that I pay a nice chunk of change to have this done and I STILL haven't had a regular period since the Clinton Administration.

I frequently have what I refer to as "zaps or jellyfish stings" that interrupt my daily life. If you ever saw the Disney movie Finding Nemo you'll know what I'm talking about. Remember the scene where Dory finds jelly fish and is all "Oooh Pretty"

and then hundreds of jelly fish surround Dory and Nemo and repeatedly zap the shit out of them.

The zaps I have-are like a sharp quick pain in the heart. Or a quick punch to the gut. I know I'm not having mini seizures, it's my emotions. Even though I try not to let them get the best of me- they sometimes having me do the ugly cry as if my whole family was kidnapped by a tribe of angry goats never to be seen again.

I get zaps when I walk through Hallmark and wonder if I will ever be able to buy my Mom a "Grandma" picture frame. I was having a lovely day and then I get all shitty in Hallmark thinking "poor me, I've got one ovary and she's lazy and a uterus that has no desire to ever be a baby bag". Or how about when I walk through Marshalls or TJ Max and there's misplaced really cute baby shit on the clearance shelf far away from it's home in the baby section I so carefully avoided. I have them when I see my husband being an awesome, hard working man- I wonder will he ever have anyone to pass on that work ethic to? I get zapped when I wonder if I'll ever smell that sweet smell of a freshly bathed toddler who wants to snuggle up before bed time. Most unexpectedly I had one just the other day when I was leaving work. On my drive home I passed a small lake which is usually void of wild life and people. On this day there was a father and his son who must have been between 5-7 years old and they were fishing and I had a zap. I cried all the way home. I felt much better when I was done. But then I also feel like a selfish asshole for making their little fishing trip about my infertility.

I wish I was a more positive person. I wish I didn't allow myself to think so much about the "what ifs". I wish I could always shoot rainbows and unicorns out my asshole, but I can't. I was raised by a cop and a nurse. I was programed to be always be lookin' out for shady dirtbags, to be realistic and to always put down a barrier of toilet paper on a public toilet seat before assuming the position.

The zaps have been less frequent recently as I'm forcing myself to embrace all the fun things we CAN do because we don't have kids. We are on a break this summer. I put my thermometer, charts, injectible meds and doctors appointments away until August. We are enjoying drinking all the wine we bought in Traverse City. We're going on a couple trips. I can come home after work and take a nap if I want. We sleep in on the weekends. We eat dinner at 9pm if we want to. We go to the bar at a moments notice on a weeknight to watch a band. It's not so bad. For now...

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Well it's been one month since my Father in Law, Bob passed away. Some days it feels like he's been gone for years and most days it's hard to even remember he's not in the hospital or at dialysis. He's just gone.

He was 67 years old and left behind a wife, a brother, 4 sons, and 7 grandsons. He had been retired for 11 years from GM and loved going on cruises to the Caribbean. He and my MIL had been on 17 cruises in the past 15 years. He loved his atomic watch and staying up to date on the weather.

He went into the hospital right before Christmas because his kidney blood work was in the danger zone. He spent 5 days in the hospital that time and missed Christmas at my house. In February he was rushed by ambulance to the ER for severe difficulty breathing and poor oxygen levels. He spent 12 days in the hospital that time. During that hospital stay he was still trying to get his kidneys working while battling the congestive heart failure. Shortly after he was discharged his Doctor told him he "could go at anytime". We were DEVESTATED.

He was determined to fight until the very end. When H and I first broached the subject of hospice with MIL we wanted her to know it was an option that could ensure he was kept comfortable since the Doctor said there was nothing more that could be done. When MIL was ready to hear what hospice companies had to say, FIL was still deadset on healing his kidneys with dialysis and then "going to the Cleveland Clinic to get a new heart". A couple days later MIL and FIL had the talk and FIL verbalized that he wasn't improving so it would okay to make an appointment with hospice. 14 days later he had less than 24 hours to live.

H and I were there through it all. H skipped his annual Super Bowl party to watch the game with his Dad in the hospital and I know he has no regrets about that decision. H also went up to the hospital a couple times to watch hockey games with his Dad. I'm so glad he did that and I know he is tool.

We were fortunate enough to be able to take time from work to be with MIL and FIL especially near the end. We spent a great deal of the night at his bedside, MIL was snuggled up next to him. Nearly all of his children and daughters in law were holding his hands, rubbing his feet, praying for him and spilling our hearts out to him to soothe and calm him. He passed away at 4am in his own bed snuggled next to my MIL. My Brother in law came to wake us all around 4am after MIL called out that she thought the end was here. By the time I got down the hall into the bedroom he was gone.

From what I've heard from the experiences of others this was as peaceful as it could've been and I know my H is so thankful we were able to be there for MIL and with FIL for his last moments on earth.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Back in September H surprised me for my 28th Birthday by taking me to Traverse City on a wine tasting tour. It was an awesome trip and we found a few favorite wineries to return to someday.

A couple weeks ago H mentioned to me that he had a conference he to attend at the Grand Traverse Resort & Spa, my mouth started watering at the thought of another TC wine tasting so I put in my PTO request and joined him. We left for TC after he got home from class on Thursday night. We arrived in TC a little after 1:30am. We stayed in the old part of the hotel, not the tower. This could've been why our room was only $80/night. It was clean but very dated decor. Bed was comfy and clean with the all white linens most hotels are doing now. Friday I went to the spa to kill time. I made an appointment for a manicure/pedicure. It was relaxing and a good time killer however totally not worth the price tag. I've had far better mani/pedis for less money at a local Aveda salon. That was a bummer because it wasn't cheap and as I type this all of the my fingernails have chipped and the chipping started on Sunday (2 days after).

Friday night we ate at The Jolly Pumpkin on the Old Mission Peninsula and liked the atmosphere. H tried a Honey Wheat beer that was awesome. We'd definitely eat there again.

Saturday was more napping, and general wasting time on the Internet for me. It was awesome! Saturday night we met up with friends we hadn't seen in 7 years for drinks (they are TC residents). We had a blast at a "cool bar" filled with young tattooed, pierced whores with way too much make up on shrieking at the top of their little smoke filled lungs. Ahhh to be 21 again (no thanks).

Sunday H wrapped up at the conference at by 11am we were in the parking lot of Peninsula Cellars getting our drink on in the wine tasting room.

I love this place and I love their "White Table Wine", "Detention" and "Homework" wines. The tasting room is an old School house from the 1800s hence the reason some of the wines are school themed names.

Several bottles of wine in our trunk later, we drove further up the peninsula to our FAVORITE- 2 Lads Winery.

They have awesome wine, a fantastic view of Old Mission Harbor. The atmosphere is different from the others on the peninsula because it's so modern. Love, love, love this place.

Before we headed home I realized that I wanted some more "Red Wagon Red" from Bowers Harbor Vineyard. We ended up spending an hour here tasting 10 wines because the man behind the counter was very lonely and had no one to talk to- he really liked to talk. We ended up buying 4 bottles of wine and then finally called it a day. I think March is the perfect time to go up there, especially on a Sunday afternoon- we practically had all these places to ourselves unlike in September when it was packed for fall colors tours. I can't wait to go back this summer when my wine rack empties out a bit. It was great quality time road-trippin' with my husband which is always a good thing!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

One of our best friends who lives in Chicago is turning 30 next month. His girlfriend threw him a surprise party and H and I decided to take off work last Friday to be there for the big surprise. Boy was he surprised, not only did not expect a surprise party 2 weeks before his actual birthday, but to see us all the way from Michigan blew his mind. I held the honor of being the only friend that was at both his 17th birthday and his 30th. The distraction of being in a new city and not having any of our normal stresses around (work stress, dying father in law, infertility) was awesome!

While I was there I tried a few new things.

Bloody Marys.

Joe's Bar on Weed Street is where I experience this little gem. I was very tipsy from a day of drinking at other bars so I kept telling everyone I was with and everyone around me "This is the BEST Bloody Mary I've ever had!" Then they about pissed themselves when they found out I'd never actually had one before. Their Hand Crafted Bloody Mary is served with a beef stick, pickle, lemon, lime, olive, celery, and a cheese skewer. "It's practically a meal!" Because it was 10pm at night they didn't have the beef stick or cheese skewer in there but it was still fabulous! Can't wait to go back for the weekend before St. Pats day when they dye the river green.

I really liked this pizza and hope to go back. The crust was the best part. I haven't liked other types of deep dish crust when I've tried them before at the Original Pizzeria Uno or Pizzapapalis in Detroit. I haven't tried Giordanos yet and Guido said he likes Giordanos better. Good thing we don't eat pizza in Chicago that often or we'd truly be a house divided.

Riding in a Prius

Our friend the birthday lives in the West Loop in Chicago. Because he's going to be a permanent city dweller he bought a Prius. Whenever he tried to park it in our driveway when he was in town, we'd give him such shit for driving around in a "pregnant roller skate". Our friend was our shuttle driver and we all crammed into the prius and it wasn't bad at all. A zippy little car and he gets an ungodly amount of miles to the gallon.

H and I are going back to Chicago in a couple more weeks and can't wait!

I love crafting but never have the time or make the time. It's a wonderful stress reliever and helps me clear my head and get to my happy place.

Last winter I really wanted a feather wreath but gagged at the thought of spending $50 for one from Pottery Barn. So I went to Hobby Lobby and the Dollar Tree and bought some crap to make a winter feather wreath. I didn't really have a clue of what I was doing but gave it the ole Girl Scout try. Plus, you can never go wrong with a hot glue gun.

It took me like 10 minutes and I was very proud of my feather wreath. I hung it in my dining room for all my friends to see and posted pics on facebook. They all made fun of me! Oh well.

My sister thought it was ridiculous and stupid but she's a hater and a quitter of Girl Scouts (in the 4th grade).

My Mom thought it was awesome but she likes all my crafts no matter how much I think they suck.

So without further adieu...

So that's the story of my feather wreath. I plan to make more for other holidays but haven't gotten around to it yet. ﻿

In other random musings things on the menu for us for the next week are:

Monday, February 21, 2011

I've been contemplating starting a blog for over a year now. I wanted a place to sort out the thoughts and emotions I've been dealing with on our infertility journey also a place to keep track of life's musings. Most people start blogs to detail pregnancies or keep extended family up to date on what's going on with their little ones. I don't know what life holds in store for me or if I'll ever have a little one so I will start this blog anyway. My husband is extremely supportive and I couldn't ask for a better partner in life. However, he is a man and doesn't always understand all the emotions and mood swings that fertility drugs cause for me, so this can be my outlet.
Infertility is like driving cross country to your dream destination. There are peaks and valleys, traffic jams, catastrophes, twists & turns. Just like an actual road trip there are also few asshole drivers on the road with you. And on every road trip there comes a time where you have to pull over to rest because you just can't take it anymore. There are those times where someone in your life that didn't plan at all for the their trip takes the easy path and slaps down the credit card for a direct flight and totally beats you to your dream destination while you're still truckin' along on the bumpy road. It doesn't mean they didn't deserve to get to the dream destination just sucks total ass that you did everything you should've and are still not where you wanted to be.

All disappointment and the 2 years of negative pregnancy tests have tested my ability to be an optimistic person, and clouded my ability to view the silver lining. So this will be my place to talk about the challenges and victories in our journey and remind myself that god has a plan and it will all work out the way god intended.