Lack of motherly instincts

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carrinalee13 wrote:

I don’t feel like I have strong maternal instincts. I am 8 weeks pregnant and am excited but I don’t feel a strong attachment to my baby yet. My husband seems more loving and tender with my tummy than me. This is my first pregnancy and I am just wondering when everyone else felt an overwhelming motherly instinct. I also want to put our baby in their own room when Baby turns one. My husband thinks I’m crazy.

Don’t worry about that. Trust me. You have them, they just haven’t come out yet. And that’s ok. You may start feeling them more as you feel the baby move. If you haven’t had your first ultrasound yet, you may feel something then. But even if you don’t, don’t worry. There is no set way maternal instincts are felt or shown.

As for having baby sleep in there own room, yes! We did it from day one. Mostly because we were scared we’d rollover on to our daughter but we still did it. And would do it again. However, we are not going to do that because the kids’ rooms are on the other side of the house and our daughter is a light sleeper. So middle of the night feedings and diaper changes will wake her up. And an infant + cranky toddler + exhausted parents = disaster. However, the baby won’t cosleep either. We are going to have a bassinet in our room for the first few months until baby starts STTN.

I did t feel the “motherly instinct” until my baby was born and it wasn’t love like I knew love to be before. For me the first few days was more of an overwhelming instinct to protect this little thing that was now in my arms. Some women don’t even feel a connection right away when the baby is born and that is ok too, it takes time for the bond to form and your relationship to deepen.

Completely normal! I also didn’t feel the motherly instinct until my baby was born. Pregnant it was like I was excited but not bonded yet I guess. It changed 100% as soon as I laid eyes on my son and it only grows from then on. It’s overwhelming and incredible how much you can love your children. We coslept with our son until he was 12 months honestly because I was breastfeeding and it was so easy to just give him to boob and sleep. But we were both ready at that point because we weren’t sleeping well anymore so then we crib and sleep trained all at once. No regrets at all and will probably cosleep with this baby as long as he or she needs to. No one can tell you what’s best, you will just know when the time comes what is right for your family. Good luck to you!

Not during pregnancy so much but definitely once the baby is born. It will kick in and even if it doesn’t, you can just learn as you go. That’s ultimately what every mom does to some extent. Congrats on your pregnancy!

With my first, I got excited at the ultrasounds but otherwise I don’t think it hit me. Even when she was first born, like the first few hours, I was so shocked, overwhelmed, and exhausted after 2 1/2 days in labor, I didn’t really feel the bond right away. But then it kicks in and it’s like nothing else. That mama bear mentality is so true and this little girl has become my world! So don’t worry, it’ll happen when the baby gets here and you settle in 🙂

Don’t feel guilty. I didn’t have any attachment either until my daughter was around 7 months old! I had the protective nature, and wanted to care for her, but it definitely wasn’t love at first sight. It was more like “work” that had to be done. I think I had a bit of depression going on after birth, but she’s 11 now and I can’t imagine life without her. It’ll work out, give it time and don’t feel bad!!

Something changes when you actually have the baby, certain instincts just kick in. I remember with my first certain family members asking before she came to babysit and I said yes of course u can and after the baby came I was like I don’t think so! I only trust my mom. Our first we made the mistake of letting her sleep with us (starting about 1 and a half) and had the hardest time getting her out of our bed so not until 4. With our second she slept in our room in a bassinet then in her toddler bed till about 2 then went to the room with her sister , we didn’t want to make the same mistake .

I think maternal instincts take different amounts of time for all mamas. For my first baby I had a rough pregnancy and to be honest when she was born they put her on my tummy without wiping her off and the only thought that went through my head was “Ew I’m not touching her!” But trust me the love comes! My second pregnancy was easier and I absolutely loved being pregnant. Hang in there mama ❤️

i didnt really connect with my son until after he was born. no long talks or sentimental moments with the belly. i think it was because it was all so foreign to me. dont worry the second you see that little one it will br amazing

i need to get reminded sometimes that im actually pregnant. took a while with #1 too till i felt her move in my belly. the motherly instincts kick in when baby is born and even then it may take a while for some mamas to fully bond its a total adjustment and no magical rainbows and unicorns like they make the postpartum period look like in movies. as for the separate rooms we moves lo out of our room at 6 months and she slept through the night. so did we :) motherhood is such a unique jorney for each and no need to to feel pressured to feel certain ways

we had our daughter in our room, in her own bassinet and then crib until 6 months. I was breastfeeding so this felt like an absolute necessity. When we moved her to her room I felt like we’d abandoned our most precious gift in a dark room to fend for herself while we cozied up together. I got over it, but we are planning on doing the same this time around. I also have a boss whose first child died of SIDS and he and his wife have both looked me in the eyes and begged me to keep the baby at arms reach in a bassinet and to not ignore sounds, movements and my instinct to just check. They went on to have 3 kids but feel very strongly and I totally get it. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

It definitely took me a couple weeks after my daughter was born to feel like we bonded. I had the baby blues and we had feeding issues and like someone else said it felt like work and I didn’t really mind if someone else wanted to hold her. Once we were on our own and we had some good days I felt better like I got this and I’d say then we bonded. As far as sleeping goes - my daughter was a grunter. She was sleeping (but so loud) my husband was sleeping but I wasn’t. She got herself a one way ticket to her room in the rock n play around 8 weeks. It was life changing. She has been an amazing sleeper since and we only moved her into a toddler bed (converted crib) when she turned 3. We never coslept as it just wasn’t for us but this child doesn’t get out of bed ever. She even has an alarm clock!

I’m only about 5 weeks and don’t have an appointment for a while, so it doesn’t feel real yet. I’m also so scared of losing the baby that I don’t want to get attached yet. I think it’ll feel more real and I’ll feel better when I see this sweet little baby on the ultrasound!

Thank you all for your stories and comments. They make me feel better. I think ultimately we will keep our baby in our room for a year, but we shall see how it goes. especially after reading about SIDS... I can’t imagine what it would be like to go through that.