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Scariest 24 hours yet

I feel like I need to post here, to keep everyone in the loop. I know there are many 'internet friends' who would be able to lift our family up in prayer and more prayers can't ever hurt.

I had to go to the ER on Tues night with severe bleeding from the miscarriage. I lost an insane amount of blood, clots, and it was the scariest time of my life. They had to give me a shot to make the bleeding subside to an acceptable rate and so far it's working. My blood count dropped so badly that there was no way they could send me home and I was really close to needing a blood transfusion. A long 24 hours in the hospital without sleep and with more testing than I thought imaginable but I'm home now, resting and waiting. Really scared of bleeding again, very weak and tired, but I'm okay.

They found a HUGE blood vessel in my uterus that is feeding into it, and causing the horrible bleeding from Tuesday night. Both the OB and the radiologist state it's something they have never seen before which is never a good thing to hear. If they would have done a D&C in the ER 'blindly' before seeing this new ultrasound with the vessel, it would have been 'a total disaster' as per the doc. Surgery is extremely risky because I could hemorrhage and need a hysterectomy, worst case scenario. She did give us the option of having a D&C now, with a special team of interventional radiologist on hand in case I begin to bleed uncontrollably. That runs the risk of having them cut off a significant amount of blood supply to my uterus, making it very difficult to get pregnant again. If it all went south, though, I would require a hysterectomy to stop the bleeding. Nate and I had lots of big decisions to make about how to take care of this, and it wasn't easy to make those choices but we opted to take a shot to help kill off the remaining products in me instead of surgery. Now I have to chill out at home and wait----will monitor the blood vessel and the products in the uterus for any change. If I do start to bleed horribly again I have to go back to the ER and have emergency surgery. Praying that doesn't happen, obviously. But we just couldn't choose the surgery right away without giving the medication a chance. I could never forgive myself if we chose that and something went wrong. At least this way we know we've given the least aggressive treatment a chance.

This entire process has been one of the biggest eye opening experiences ever. For about 30 minutes, Nate and I had to wait for the OB to give us an update after the RN told us the ultrasound showed 'a lot more complications than they thought.' That was all they could tell us and that half of an hour was the worst. I immediately thought I had cancer, and that they would need to do a hysterectomy and my life was over. I had to let go of any other 'priorities' in my life as far as having future children because all of a sudden, all that mattered was being here for Truman and Nate. The past 4 weeks since the miscarriage actually began have been hard--and I'd like to clarify that I haven't ever stopped bleeding in the past 4 weeks, not even progressing to just 'spotting', but the gushing of blood from Tuesday night was very obviously NOT okay. But the past 4 weeks were nothing like those 30 minutes of waiting for answers. I prayed to God to give me strength to lead me through whatever was to come, and of course He has. I have now learned that the inconvenience of having to wait for a second child is absolutely no big deal compared to what could have been, and what might come to be for us. So what if I can't have two kids just two years apart? Does the gap of children really matter that much anymore? How ungrateful and immature of me to be so concerned with the space between my 'assumed' children. I will consider it a blessing if I don't need a procedure that could possibly render me infertile. At this point all I can do is take it one day at a time and enjoy the present moment. Nothing else matters anymore.

That is what's been going on in a nutshell. Prayers appreciated!

( I was literally typing out Truman's 15 month post when the insane bleeding started on Tuesday night. So bear with me as I work on that one again---it's so unlike me to be late on this monthly post! )

47 comments:

Oh my God, Julia. That is shockingly scary and awful - I can't believe it! I'm so glad that they didn't do the "blind" D&C. You have been through so much lately -- I will be thinking about you and hoping and praying that it gets better very soon. Wow. Thanks for keeping us posted and please continue to do so, as you are able.

Your story is beyond scary. Thank you for sharing it so that your internet buddies can pray for you and your family. I'm hopeful that the shot will work and life can finally start to get back to "normal." Big hugs to you guys.

I am absolutely horrified for you, Julia. I will be praying for your family and your health. I cannot imagine what you're going through right now and I hope you are able to relax and let your body heal itself.

Julia! That sounds terrifying. I wish I couldn't relate, but after a similar sounding complication following my delivery (which I'm not sure I'm going to blog about- not as strong as you, lady!) I think I have an idea of how you must feel and my heart goes out to you. Praying for you and your family- hug!

Oh wow, Julia... I am so sorry you are still going through so much! I hope the shot does what it needs to do and you don't need any surgery. This really just is a nightmare. Thank you for keeping your "internet friends" in the loop, I will definitely be thinking of you!

Holy crap Julia. That is so scary. I've been praying for you guys a lot lately, but I'll be lifting you up even more after reading this. Praying that the lesser intervention is all you need and that things resume to "normal" very soon. I hope you get the opportunity to keep us updated.

my heart is just breaking for you and I am keeping you in my prayers!! Thank you so much for keeping your bloggers posted--as a avid blog reader of yours I couldn't imagine what you are going through. You are one strong momma!!

I know my "medical" opinion doesn't matter but I think you and Nate made the best decision to forgo that surgery. And I'm praying it never, ever comes to that. Thank God for the wisdom to not get that D&C right away! He was certainly guiding you through that decision.

You know prayers are always coming your way. Take care of yourself. Rest up and take help from anyone who offers. Your main priority right now is to get better for you and your family.

God, I just don't even know what to say. It has been so quiet on your blog I was just hoping you were taking time to heal and have that same Julia "get up and go" that we are all so accustomed to.

And now this?! ::insert expletives here::

It just doesn't seem fair. I have been thinking a lot about you and just hoping and praying that you can be happy again. Now I will certainly be changing my prayer to being and staying well and healthy. It is just so crazy to me that something this horrifying can happen to such a healthy and wonderful person. I am so sorry, Julia. Please know that I'm thinking of you!

I found your blog from another and enjoy reading it. Just wanted to pass on some prayers and encouragement. Last summer, we were trying to get pregnant with baby #2 and ending up with an ectopic pregnancy. We also tried a shot first (methotrexate) to see if that would help first. Unfortunatly, it didn't and I needed surgery which ended in losing a tube. I felt God's hand through the whole thing. We then decided to go down the adoption route and were blessed with a beautiful baby boy this past April. I pray for you and your family during this time and for God's will to be shown in your life.

I will not say that I know what you are dealing with. What I will say is that I will keep you in my prayers. I will be praying that Nate will know just the right ways to comfort you and I will pray for your health!

Julia , sweetie we are lifting you up in my prayer right now. I believe God can heal you miraculously. That he can make right what is happening inside of your body in one second. I don't know if that is His ultimate plan for you but I am praying for that. I am also praying that He will give you Peace in this time and that no matter what happens He holds this whole universe in His hands and He has a plan for your life. So we are keeping you in prayer. Please keep us posted on how you are doing and how we can continue to specifically pray for you and your precious family. <3 Jessie (and the rest of the Hatter gang)

I was terrified for you while reading this. I pray that God's provision will get you through this time and that the approach you have chosen will be successful not only in allowing you to heal, but also in allowing you to someday be able to carry another child.

Oh Julia, I can't imagine how much you have been through trying to figure all of this out - I'm so glad they got the bleeding stopped and that you're trying to get everything to pass without surgery, I can't imagine how scared your husband would be watching you get wheeled into the OR! Whatever happens, I pray the doctors will know what to do and when to do it, and that you will have peace and healing.

Many, many prayers and thoughts and hugs, girl. And I'm with a previous poster who said "insert expletives here" - the whole situation just makes me angry for you! It's unfair and so sucky and I just hope so much that it turns out all fine. Hang in there and know that so many people are thinking about you!

I'm so sorry this whole thing is happening to you (and your family)...I just want you to know that I'm praying for you and that things turn out for the best. God is certainly present in your life and I know He is watching over you. Take care and please keep us posted.

Oh my God, Julia! I don't even know what to say...I'm shocked. You definitely made the right decision to forgo the immediate surgery and wait to give the medicine a chance. I don't even know what I would do and think if I was in your situation. I know that you and I are a lot a like in a neurotic way (and I say that lovingly, of course), so I can't imagine how scared you must be. I'm praying for you, your health, and your family. Big hugs to you!

((Hugs x 10))Prayers are being sent. You didnt have to share how trying a time this has been for you- but it takes a strong woman to ask the "universe" (as i call it) for positivity and strength. I will defintely be keeping you in my prayers! =o) rest and get healthy!!!

Oh Jules, I am so sorry for you. Praying for you and Nate and Truman and hoping that you are feeling better and that you are feeling stronger. Big hugs to you my friend, and I am so sorry you are going through this. Let me know if you need anything. XOXO

I am just catching up on my blog reading. I am so sad to hear about the miscarriage. My mom miscarried with twins at 5 months (before I was born) and I know from her still talking about it, what a life changing experience it is. Praying that the d&c goes smoothly. Hugs.