I walked into the doctor’s office yesterday sure that I would convince him it was time for me to start easy jogging. I mean, I don’t need to bend my knee that much to trot along! I was shuffled off for x-rays while telling the nurse about how I knew it was time to start running again, my voice filled with the enthusiasm of a 10-year-old on their first day of middle school (mostly excited with an awkward tweak of nerves).

They snapped some glamour shots of the inside of my knee and I happily scurried back to my room without the hindrance of that stifling knee-immobilizer brace. I hopped up onto the exam table and patiently awaited the doctor while I watched the bustling of the office through the open door.

The doctor arrived and I greeted him with the widest, most enthusiastic smile while immediately telling him I was ready to start running. I’m pretty sure he thought I was insane. He told me that the bone was healing really well as he went through the physical exam again (I earned a solid A). I probably sounded like one of those stuffed animals with like three pre-recorded sayings because basically all I said was:

Once he was tired of me pestering him about riding and running he went to confer with the supervising doctor about my case. He closed the door this time so I couldn’t observe the conversation. It was probably best as I would have been yelling across the office adding in my two cents in the whole time, you know, with my professional medical background and all ;).

Finally I heard his footsteps pace back around the office and the door handle twist open as he stepped through the door.

I immediately saw his body language and my mind started racing: “Why isn’t he looking at me?? He did this last time with bad news too. I have to be able to run at least. Maybe riding was too much of an ask right now? Can I hike? Can I at least kick in the pool? LOOK AT ME DAMNIT!”

He finally looked at me. The answer to all of my questions was a firm, “No, no, nope.” I struggled to hold the lump down that was quickly rising through my throat as my vision started blurring due to the tears welling up in the best puppy-dog eyes I could muster. I couldn’t see it (literally and figuratively) at the time but he did give me some good news:

I can start physical therapy to bend my knee again!

I can walk around during the day without the brace on!

I can hike with the brace on but with no restrictions on range of motion (it was previously set to a max 20 degree bend)!

I left the office sans brace, cried on my phone to my mom outside of Whole Foods, spent $20 in Whole Foods on like two granola bars (delicious ones I might add), and then went and bought some new running clothes (retail therapy?!) that I can look at in my closet for three more weeks until I can start running again!

Thankfully there are a lot of great things in my life right now and after a good night’s sleep in my new place here in Boulder, I’m ready for day 31 of my recovery, jam packed with swimming, PT, hiking, and decorating my new room!

P.S. - Thank you all for the blog suggestions you gave me on social media!! Please feel free to shoot more my way if you think of them, I really appreciate it!