According to recent research, it’s love not lust that makes the opposite sex less . . . sexy. A survey of 120 undergrads in committed relationships found that those who reflected on great moments of romantic love rather than great feats of sexual prowess were four times less likely to dwell on, as the study termed it, hotties. The participants had been shown pictures of either men or women from the site Hot or Not and asked to choose the most appealing. They were then asked to write about a moment in their relationship that either revolved around love or lust. Again, those who thought about love were less likely to think about the selected eye candy and could identify fewer positive attributes when asked. So it seems that love does conquer all, but it shouldn’t do so alone.

Sex is an important part of all romantic relationships. Unfortunately, for some, it’s a part that doesn’t last or may never have existed at all. For these couples, the idea of what they wanted, what they were supposed to do and the excitement of achieving both masked the fact that there was and is nothing going on in the bedroom. The dry spell can’t be written off as a result of children, health or age, or even as a dry spell. They aren’t having sex, because they don’t want to. And this causes unhappiness, frustration and miscommunication, and, in the worst of cases, adultery, separation and a permanent end to a duo.

If you are in a relationship that works on paper but fizzles in reality, you want to consider why. If it is just a dry spell (you can’t be hot and heavy 24/7 – talk about exhausting), take a deep breath. It’s going to be alright. You’ll get back between the sheets eventually. Of course, it won’t happen magically. You will have to be willing to discuss sex, be open and honest, and perhaps try new things, but it should come. If it doesn’t, you need to figure out if it was there in the first place. Did you ever have the chemistry or were you just ignoring the lack? If it’s the latter, you should reassess the relationship, because you shouldn’t just love the one you’re with. You should want him, too.