With a special thank you to Siubhan for the name of the Instant Mesenger service, and Mary Sue's nickname thereon. ;) Obi-Wan's nickname belongs to Darth Landry and the Intrepid Housemate Melissa. Some of Mary Sue's funny lines were stolen from my Evil Twin, Joan the English Chick.

Maul was reading his email when a Coruscant Ultranet Messenge from "OB1" appeared on his screen: "Hey, baby, what are you wearing?"

"Are you fifteen feet away from me in your own apartment?" he typed back.

"r u m/f? wanna cyber?" was the only answer.

With a smirk, he typed back, "I'm wearing a filthy, smelly t-shirt and sentient jeans. I stink."

"ooh baby thats hot wanna fuck? gee its hard to type with one hand."

"I have a date tonight and need to take a shower so he doesn't take one whiff and fling me out on my ass," Maul typed back.

"LOL that would suck man!"

"No, there would be no sucking. That's my point," Maul typed back. He could hear Obi-Wan laughing through the wall.

"No sucking sucks man! You'd better take a shower so there'll be sucking!"

Obi-Wan scanned his contact list. DarthaWhelp was on, but away. He checked her away message. "I'm in the shower. Try not to picture me naked until my return." He smirked. SlutBoy was available, but he really didn't want to talk to his vapid brother. Once Ben-Wa had typed into the wrong window and had accidentally sent his brother some cybersex. Ewwww.

He messaged LizardKing, "I'm bored!" He received LizardKing's Away message--"Off doing the Wild Thing with VoodooChild; don't wait up. Love me two times, baby!"--as an autoreply, and answered, "TMI!" The only answer was the Away message again. Sigh. Aha! DarthaWhelp was avaliable!

"hey baby r u m/f? I was picturing you naked and wanted to know if I got it right," he typed.

"LOL," DarthaWhelp responded. "Perfect boinkboy imitation."

"I'm bored. Entertain me."

"Hey OB1, I'm toned and perfect and have huge breasts. I'm eighteen years old and looking for a real man!"

"Where's Maul? Isn't it his job to entertain you? Do I need to kick his ass for slacking?"

"Taking a shower."

"I'll try not to picture him naked."

"You've seen him," Obi-Wan observed.

"Oh, yeah. Never mind me, just picturing Maul naked..."

"Cut that out!"

"LOL!"

There was a knock at the door. Obi-Wan typed, "That's probably Maul at the door now, BBL!" and logged off.

***

Mary Sue looked at her contact list and sighed. Then she smirked evilly. It was time for her evil alter ego to come out and play. She logged off as "DarthaWhelp" and logged back on as "2drnk2fck," and sat back to wait for the boinkboyz.

BubbaBoy messaged her, "r u m/f?"

"I'm a girl. I'm new to this Ultranet thing."

"what do u look like?"

"I'm blonde and skinny. I'm eighteen years old."

"wanna cyber?"

"What's that?"

"Cybersex."

"What's that?"

HrnyBoy messaged her, "hay baby what r u wearing?"

Mary Sue snickered. Soon these losers would regret messaging her.

***

Ben-Wa read LizardKing's Away message--"Off doing the Wild Thing with VoodooChild; don't wait up. Love me two times, baby!"--and sighed. He wished he could get him some of that. But there was no telling when Qui-Gon and Mace would be back. On the other hand, it was an enjoyable mental image, and he pictured it at length. He stopped when he started to drool. No sense in ruining yet another keyboard.

"Yes, sir!" Yoda messaged back, trembling in delight. He started entering his begging into his grammar checker, just to make sure he didn't lapse into his usual syntax in his excitement. "Finally, a live one I have found!" he exulted to himself aloud.