I'm a career success coach, leadership trainer, author and speaker dedicated to the advancement of women. I run a career and leadership consulting and training firm -- Ellia Communications -- that offers programs, training and resources for career growth. A former corporate VP, I'm a trained therapist and career specialist, and have worked with over 10,000 professional women and emerging leaders globally. Along with Forbes, I blog for Huffington Post, LinkedIn, and my own Ellia Communications career blog. My book Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman's Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power and Purpose, explores the 12 hidden challenges working women face today and how to overcome them. If my work interests you, please visit my website at kathycaprino.com.

The Top 10 Work Situations Where Honesty Is Not The Best Policy

In working with professionals who are in all stages of coming, going, thinking of going, and already departed from jobs, I am often asked about honesty. The questions range from, “Should I really tell the truth to HR or my boss about why I’m leaving?” or, with folks who are interviewing, “Should I tell the truth about why I was laid off?” And finally, “When my boss asks how it’s going with a team project I’m in that’s a disaster, should I be honest?” Here’s one recent take on whether you should be honest in exit interviews, and I certainly have my own.

While life defies hard and fast rules, I’d say that brutal honesty is never the right way to go in the following ten work situations.

DO NOT tell the raw, hard truth in these 10 situations:

When you’re employed and:

1) You’re dealing with a narcissistic boss or colleague who is highly threatened by what you have to say

If you’ve read my work, you know that I’ve dealt with a number of true narcissists in my work-life, and it’s been ugly and demoralizing, to say the least. When your boss or colleague is a narcissist, you won’t win by telling them the truth if it’s challenging to them. They’ll just feel threatened, angry and betrayed, and they’ll drum you out with a murderous rage. (Read more about How To Tell If Your Boss Is a Narcissist and How Not To Get Fired By One.)

2) You’re furious at your colleague and have the chance to backstab him/her to your boss

When your emotions are spinning out of control about a colleague, and you feel anger, hurt, resentment and other highly-charged emotions, you need to settle down before you communicate to anyone about the situation. Further, think hard about backstabbing at all. If you do it, you’ll simply project an image of yourself that you’re untrustworthy, and someone who doesn’t have the courage and strength to handle things in a positive, direct way with the individuals involved.

3) You know that the company is heading in the wrong direction, but they’ve invested in this direction and don’t want to hear your views

I’ve lived this, and so have numbers of my clients. When you know that your company is doing something wrong, foolish, or worse, and they won’t listen to reason, the best thing to do is to get out while you can. If they’ve invested heavily in this direction already, they won’t want to hear from you that it won’t work, and they’ll consider you as an obstacle to their success.

4) You’re fed up with feeling underpaid and undervalued and want to complain about it

If you feel you’re undervalued, you should certainly do something about it, but telling the truth about how you feel isn’t the way. Instead, collect as much concrete data as you can about your role, function and industry and expected salaries at your level, and present a well-founded case that you deserve more. Present detailed information about your contributions and how they’ve moved the organization forward. Then, it won’t be about “feelings” but about what you deserve in light of the research and evidence.

5) Your work or team projects are failing and you have no idea what to do about it

Before you tell the truth to your boss about your failing work endeavors, do everything you can to: 1) understand the factors involved in the failing project, 2) assess your role in it, as clearly as you can, and 3) develop a sound action plan for addressing the challenges. Don’t go into your boss with empty hands and share that you have no idea what to do. You’re being paid to use your expertise to oversee projects successfully, as well as identify obstacles and overcome them.

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I appreciate your views and your expanding on my piece. You’ve understood the key point here which is that the truth does set us free, but only if we’ve done the inner work to know what the real truth is. Thanks for sharing.

There are some situations here that most people would only discuss with their friends and ask whether they should be honest or not, so thank you for bringing them out in the open!

There is definitely a difference between being hot-headed and saying something and regrouping before making your voice heard.

On the topic of having a boss/colleague that is a bully – often it is worth discussing this with someone who can do something about it, and this is were being honest comes in handy. Of course, if the boss is the ONLY person who can do something about it, it’s time to move on! I’ve experienced this too, and there is only so long that you can be the bigger person for…

Thanks, Razwana. Your points are well taken. If the narcissistic boss has free rein, it’s best to run, not walk, out of his/her domain. Sometimes you can appeal to a higher-up, but I’ve lived that situation too, and unfortunately, it often doesn’t end well. Thanks!

Bravo, Kathy, for shining a light on some important nuances relative to telling the naked truth. I love your practical, no-nonsense approach that is clearly grounded in the real world. People make these mistakes every day, and can burn important bridges along the way. Thanks for an outstanding post!