While already riding north, he appeared in Frigga’s room as an astral projection of himself and told her that he was going away for a while. Frigga wished him a safe and successful journey, and made him promise to be back soon. It wasn’t more than a minute. He didn’t want to make a long explanation when his mother knew almost exactly what was on his mind about this trip, and he didn’t want any emotional goodbyes or the chance to meet Thor by accident when he should have explained everything to him and his brother must have accompanied him or tried to persuade him to stay, using one of his long and tiring speeches. He should have lied to Thor but somehow he didn’t feel like it now.

He employed a boot to bring him and his horse to the other coast, and during the short journey he tried to make his mind relax. He didn’t want to think of anything or anyone but still the pictures of me standing in front of him, defending him, my smiling at him and my last words - they all poured all over his brain and the pain inside his soul grew large again.

No one but Frigga and Thor had ever stood by me, he thought. Frigga, my mother. Not by blood, but by heart. Thor, my brother. Not by blood, but by heart. And suddenly you came and saved my life, sacrificing you after I hurt you deeply. You shouldn’t have done that, you have just put such a terrible burden on me, you have just pulled me into such a terrible debt that I feel I cannot fight. Why? How selfish you were… I didn’t ask for your love, I don’t need your love. You should have left me alone as I have always been.

The more he was thinking of me, the angrier he became.

As soon as the boot reached the coast and Loki could ride his horse again, he started to plan his mission. He easily found the brook as it was flowing just half a kilometer from him - just as if it were waiting for him…

He was drinking a few gulps of little fresh water out of his bottle, looking around. The almost black waves were washing the coast slowly, the salty smell around the place was calming. Only a hundred metres from there, different kinds of high trees were standing close to each other, with wild bushes at their feet.

The forest looked dark and not exactly inviting, there was no voices of birds or the sound of the wind - only the sound as the waves were crashing against the coast again and again.

Suddenly he noticed something. A young deer was standing at the edge of the forest, watching Loki suspiciously. Her fur was beautiful golden-brown, with small white flecks on her back, and she had huge dark meaningful eyes. Loki wondered what the deer was doing so close to him when she seemed so shy and nervous as if the stranger had frightened her - still she didn’t move. He had no other weapon with him, except his Chitauri Scepter but that was enough to create fear in anyone.

When their eyes met, the deer jumped into the air and kicked once, she seemed to be annoyed by Loki’s presence, then she hurried back into the forest and disappeared. Loki took it as a promising sign and he followed the deer into the bushes immediately, jumping on his horse.

When he rushed through the greenery, he could see the deer nowhere but he saw the crystal-clear brook gurgling with cheerful noises and he smiled. That was it - and the deer must have been a sign. He quickly left for the north, riding wildly along the path. The expectation and the hope grew inside him quickly while he was looking for a person who could help him.

The forest was dark, the sunrays had difficulty to get in. But he was able to see perfectly even in total darkness, and now he could see that there were no people around, only the trees, the bushes and the tinkling water. Even the animals hid in front of the God of Mischief.

He was riding for almost an hour, getting annoyed and a little sleepy when he glimpsed a strange little hut between a circle of pine trees. It looked like as if had been only a pile of branches and twigs, thrown on each other, but as he was getting closer, he saw that it was actually a pretty little hut in the form of a pyramid. The hut had no chimneys and the window on the right side of the door was like a blind black hole.

Suddenly an old woman stepped out of the hut. She walked slowly but gracefully and she didn’t seem to notice Loki. She was tall, her long gray hair fell on her back smoothly. Her dark eyes and full lips were smiling that made her wrinkled plain face a little prettier. She wore a long, dark green, long-sleeved dress that swept the ground.

- Who are you? - asked Loki.

The woman didn’t look frightened or surprised.

- Who are you? - she asked back with a tiny smile.

Loki frowned.

- I am Loki, from Asgard, son of Odin. And I asked you first.

The woman took a small bow but she looked back at him with daring eyes.

- Well, Prince of Asgard, my name is Syf. What do you want here, far from your palace?

Loki didn’t plan to beat about the bush. He wanted the answers immediately and he didn’t want to waste more time.

- I am looking for someone. A girl called Sjöfn.

Syf shrugged.

- I don’t know any girls with that name. Actually I don’t know any girls nearby, I live alone.

- I was told you have a granddaughter. - Loki remarked.

Syf’s smile became very tender.

- Ah, you mean Syffa. She is my only granddaughter.

- Syffa. What an ugly name. - smirked Loki. - What does it mean?

The old woman looked at him closely, with a pinch of displeasure.

- What a polite remark, Prince of Asgard. That name means nothing, it is just a form of my own name.

Now it was Loki who shrugged.

- Whatever. Where is Syffa?

- Good question. She died for you as far as I remember. Therefore she is in the empire of your sister, Hela. - smirked Syf though her glance showed deep grief.

Loki sighed. Being reminded of my death by everyone was too much for him. He didn’t mind being told about his mischievous acts and his betrayals, they didn’t move his conscience much - or only a little when he met the disapproval of Frigga or Thor. He always wanted to reach something by his acts that was why he felt never ashamed of his actions unless they were made to take him closer to his intentions. But my death seemed to be a totally different case.

- Look, madam, I must apologise for my rudeness.

- Let’s forget about it. - she replied graciously - You seem to be rather sad and troubled, Prince of Asgard. Why are you looking for my granddaughter? Why now?

Loki smirked but his eyes were filled with deep sadness and repentance.

- Another apologise.

- But she died and you know it the best. - Syf smiled but her eyes were cruel. Or did he only imagine it?

Loki shook his head as if he had wanted to push the idea of my being dead away.

- She is not dead. She is alive. My mother feels it and she is never mistaken. When did you see her last time?

Syf didn’t hesitate with the answer.

- Before she left for your palace for Queen Frigga’s invitation.

- And you are all alone here?

- Completely. The forest is huge and dark, no one wants to live here. - she smiled a little - But I don’t mind it. I prefer silence.

Loki sat down, holding his head in his hands. What had he been expecting? He should have known that it wouldn’t be easy to find me, he knew it, still he felt such a deep disappointment and boiling anger that he could both shout and cry. He felt these feelings physically as well, they made him so tired and exhausted, like he had never felt before. And now the pictures of me dying for him arrived too, torturing him more.

Syf walked back a few steps and opened the door, smiling at him politely.

- Come, Prince of Asgard, have a cup of tea with me and sleep a little. You look very exhausted.

Loki was unable to reject the invitation. He had planned to ride through Asgard without a single stop until he found me but now all he wanted was to sleep. He needed some sleep and he felt more and more exhausted and sleepy every second. How come he became so? He hadn’t slept for days but it had never caused him any problems. There was a tiny thought at the back of his mind that perhaps it was some kind of magic, fulfilled by Syf, but she was looking so innocent that he pushed the idea away.

The hut was small but its interior looked so much bigger with a lovely living room inside, decorated with wild flowers, thousands of books and dozens of candles. Near the fireplace, there was a large bed with two pillows and some blankets, neatly folded. Loki went there, without looking around. He lied down on the comfortable bed, pulled a thin blanket over his body and he fell asleep immediately.

Suddenly Loki woke up. When he opened his eyes, he couldn’t believe them: I was sitting next to him, smiling at him tenderly. When I saw that he was awake, I leaned closer and caressed his face with my fingertips, enjoying his cold silky skin under my touch.

Loki looked so surprised, his glowing blue eyes were so huge, filled with so many questions. He couldn’t move but I saw that he still didn’t believe it was me.

- Sjöfn! Are you here? Are you really here?

- Yeah, you have found me, my Prince Loki. You are finally with me now.. - I was watching him with my eyes sparkling with passion and Loki couldn’t resist anymore.

He put his arms around my waist and suddenly pulled me so close to his chest until our lips met in a passionate deep kiss. Our lips, our tongues intertwined deeply while I was holding him as close as possible, wrapping my arms around his neck. I loved the feeling of his silky hair on my skin, his body’s wild reaction to my body gluing to his own, our hearts beating as one.

Every time he went there, he was doing some nasty mischief. A little fun, a little try, to gain, to win, to punish - he thought. Now he was here again, but this time - for the first time - asking for help. He was walking slowly, his eyes gazing somewhere in the far, where the snow-topped mountains were glimmering under the dark blue-silver-purple sky, filled with dark promises and memories. The rainbow bridge of Bifrost was also glimmering just as if millions of colourful stars had been broken and exploded into dust and someone had showered that magical dust all over the bridge.

Heimdall in his shining golden armour was standing at his usual guarding place, holding his sword tight, paying attention and watching every second. He stood motionless, like a statue - he had done that for hundreds of years without being sleepy or exhausted. Nothing and no one could have ever slipped his eyes.

He already saw Loki from afar and he watching him closely. He knew the God of Mischief and his gimmicks too well as Loki had outfoxed him a few times when he had hidden himself somehow (Heimdall had never known how he had done it) and he had played some nasty tricks on him and when he had allowed some enemies to enter Asgard. Actually no one could outfox Heimdall - only Loki. So Heimdall always tried to be extra careful when the God of Mischief was approaching him.

The way that this time Loki arrived face to face, completely visible, made Heimdall a little more suspicious and precautious. He could see the God of Miischief, but he still couldn’t see his intentions.

- Hello, Heimdall. - Loki was greeting him with a little smile. He had to be nice because he wanted something from the mightiest guard of Asgard. He always had his naughty ways to get what he needed, but this time he had to be honest with Heimdall. He arrived with the clearest intentions and he needed his help badly.

- What are you up to now, Prince Loki?

Loki swallowed hard. It was very hard for him to ask. He felt as if he had had to beg for something and he hated begging - unless it was him who was begged to by someone else.

- I need your help.

Heimdall couldn’t believe his ears and if it was not him, he would have been laughing hard, even dropping his sword. But it was very far from his nature to laugh, and the desperate expression in Loki’s eyes made him confused and even more suspicious. Desperation was something he had never seen in the God of Mischief before.

- What for? You have never come to me for help.

- This time I need it. You must find someone for me.

Heimdall’s face remained motionless and expressionless. Now everything became clear. He saw and heard everything (that is why he became the guard at Bifrost) and now all the tiny pieces of information he had collected during the last thirty days managed to form a whole picture.

- Now I see.

Loki looked at him closely. He wondered if Heimdall could look into his mind and read about his plans.

- What do you mean?

Heimdall was looking into Loki’s eyes without blinking.

- You want to know if I can see the whereabouts of the girl.

Loki nodded, wondering how intelligent Heimdall was.

- The girl who sacrificed herself to save you. - the guard continued.

Loki’s lifting eyebrows showed his growing impatience. He hated that he had to ask and he also hated the direction where this conversation was leading to.

- After you humiliated her in front of everyone. - finished Heimdall his long sentence, with a cruel voice.

- You are welcome, Prince Loki. - replied Heimdall without the tiniest sign of embarrassment.

Loki waited a minute till he regained his tranquility. He hated how easily he could lose his temper recently. It was something new for him and he didn’t fancy this change at all.

- Can you help me? Can you see where Sjöfn is?

Heimdall stayed silent.

Loki had no idea if he simply didn’t want to help him or he was just looking around everywhere in Asgard, looking for the wanted girl. He forced himself to stay patient and not to shout at the guard. He was watching him closely but he knew well that it didn’t make any sense because the guard’s face always remained completely empty and emotionless.

- I can’t see her. - said Heimdall suddenly.

- Damn. - moaned Loki. If Heimdall couldn’t see me, it meant that Frigga was wrong and I was dead, or that I was somewhere else outside Asgard, possibly hiding, so it would be impossible for everyone to find me. Loki felt the anger and the disappointment building up in his heart very quickly.

However, Heimdall continued.

- But I can see someone who must be related to her. A very old lady. Gray hair, dark eyes. Possibly her grandmother.

Loki’s joy disappeared quickly and he was also confused. How come Heimdall couldn’t see me still feeling my presence in someone else? He knew that he had to meet that old woman as she must have known something about me. A tiny piece of hope appeared inside him.

- Where is she exactly?

- Near a forest. There is a little brook nearby. With a bright white stone bridge over it. To the north. - Heimdall talked slowly, his eyes looking motionlessly into the darkness.

Loki’s impatience grew.

- Does that damned place have no name?

- No, it doesn’t. But you will find it. Just follow the brook upwards till you reach the forest with the golden bow.

- What golden bow?

- I am just telling you what I see. Don’t ask too much. I don’t have all the replies for your questions.

Loki sighed, watching Heimdall in despair. He knew that that was all the guard could tell him.

- Thank you - he said, after a long pause, then he left.

Heimdall said nothing at all. He didn’t even wonder why it was so important for Loki to find me. He couldn’t see Loki’s intentions and that bothered him a little. Maybe I should talk to the King, he thought, but then he refused the idea. Maybe later.

Loki hurried back to the castle. He had no time to lose. He had to obtain a fast and strong horse and leave for the forest immediately. He had been waiting enough. A whole month. And he felt that he was not able to wait any longer.

Frigga whispered to him softly, while touching his forehead with hers and she stroked along his hair slowly, like she did when he was just a little boy.

- Well, in this case you should go and look for her.

Loki picked up his head suddenly and looked at her wildly, with an open mouth, as if he were wondering whether his mother had gone crazy. He couldn’t believe his ears and he couldn’t even pronounce a sound for a few moments. Did Frigga really tell him those words? “You should go and find her.” His eyes were full of surprise, questions and hope, his lips opened apart in stupor.

- Mother… what do you mean?

- You have always been so smart and bright, my son. What don’t you understand now? - Frigga was smiling mischievously and that increased Loki’s surprise - she seemed to be enjoying Loki’s confusion.

- How could I look for her? She died for me! She is dead! - he almost shouted.

He was totally confused and hurt. What was happening and what had happened at all? What was his mother hiding away from him? They never had any secrets between them, but it seemed to have changed.

Frigga took a deep breath. She felt that the delirious anger started to build up in him again and she tried to stop that.

- Well, maybe you should know that you were not my only pupil.

Loki jumped up and his body was shivering lightly.

- Did you teach Sjöfn?

- Yes, I did. - Frigga nodded, watching him closely. - We met almost every day. She was my brightest pupil, so hard-working, so bright. She wanted to know everything at once, but she could be patient. Don’t get mad, my darling, but she exceeded you in magic.

Loki made an impatient movement with his hand, showing that his mother seemed to misunderstand him.

- I don’t mind if she is far much better than me, not at all. But why haven’t you told this to me earlier? Why did you have to wait a month? A whole month! What was the sense of making me waiting while I was going crazy?

His voice was so sharp and deep from anger, and Frigga now could see how much he had really been suffering. She regretted now not having talked to Loki earlier though that time it seemed to be the best decision.

- I am so sorry but I was not completely sure about your feelings for her. Actually I didn’t have the slightest idea that you feel so much for her.

Loki hung his head broken-hearted.

- Neither did I. - suddenly he looked up into Frigga’s eyes, totally excited - Then tell me now, is she alive? Hasn’t she sacrificed herself for me? Was it an illusion? Just like my games?

- She did sacrifice herself for you. And also for us. Don’t ever doubt it. - Frigga warned him with a little smile - She didn’t think or hesitate when she jumped in front of you to receive the sword and to save you.

A soft blush appeared on Loki’s cheeks but it disappeared as soon as it arrived.

- What was that fireball? - his eyes showed clearly that he suddenly started to suspect the answer.

- Sjöfn was a shapeshifter, just like you. No wonder as both of you were my pupils.

Loki shook his head, as he were unable to comprehend what he had been told.

- But she was suffering! I saw it. Was that real? Or did she deceive my eyes? I don’t understand anything, Mother.

- She was suffering. She didn’t concentrate before she jumped in front of you, she didn’t hesitate to defend and save you. That is why she could change into that demolishing fireball only later, when she was already dying. It is amazing how strong she was… - Frigga seemed to be talking to herself now - A shapeshifter always needs perfect concentration and a perfect handling of power, and under such a huge shock like dying most of them would be unable to transform.

Loki jumped at her comments.

- So she must be alive! If she was so strong, right? Do you know where she is? Has she sent you any messages? - he kept on bombing her with more questions.

Frigga shook her head and held his cheeks into her hands.

- I don’t know anything for sure. I don’t want to wake false hopes in you. But she does have magical power and I feel that she is out there somewhere. I want to believe it. If someone could find her, it is you.

- Where should I look for her? - whispered Loki to himself, completely lost between hope and despair.

He didn’t dare to believe his mother but at the same time he was totally sure that she would have never allow him to hope for nothing.

Seeing the desperate expression of his face, Frigga felt little twinges of conscience. Maybe she shouldn’t have told him about her suspicions of my being alive because she was not completely sure about that. And now she could clearly see that Loki was feeling something serious about me. Whether it was admiration or regret, it had been ruling his heart and his mind for many days.

What she didn’t suspect that there was another thought that started to circle in the back of Loki’s mind. He was looking through the bushes and the trees, towards the high mountains of Asgard, thinking.

So you made me suffer, you made me believe that you were dead while actually you are still alive… I have been suffering, I have been tortured by my own conscience - for nothing. Sjöfn, you are going to pay for these, I promise. And he was smirking for a long moment.

Loki was lying on the bench in his mother’s garden, staring at the blood red roses intertwining above his head.

He was staring at the soft petals but he saw nothing. He was wearing black leather shirt and trousers, the sole of his boots were covered with thick layers of dried mud, due to the long night trips to the nearby mountains.

He spent his daytime lying in the garden and his nights walking and climbing every high places. He couldn’t sleep no matter how tired he was. His eyes looked so heavy and dark, his face was very pale, his whole body radiated with misery and exhaustion.

He chose the garden because no one but Frigga entered that place so he could be completely alone and undisturbed, and because no one would ever imagine him spending time among flowers. As no one would ever suspect how sad and desperate he was.

Frigga was standing a few steps from him, watching him closely, with deep tenderness and concern. She was really worried about her son.

She saw that he hardly ate anything, he already lost a few pounds, he drank more wine than before, he disappeared for the whole day and never talked to anyone. Not even to her, his beloved mother, who taught him all his tricks and magic, who always listened to him talking about his dreams or simply complaining since his childhood. She knew exactly that he was mourning me even if he had never admitted it.

- Mother. - said Loki, without looking at her. As if he were too exhausted to move his head even a tiny bit.

- Loki, darling. - replied Frigga on a gentle voice and stepped closer to him. Her heart was bleeding to see him in such a broken state. - I didn’t see you at the breakfast table this morning.

- I wasn’t hungry. - replied he on a dead voice.

Frigga tried to stay calm and she chose her words carefully. She didn’t want to make him feel provoked or act as if she had wanted to demand some kind of explanation.

- Actually I haven’t seen you at the dining hall for three days. I was really missing you.

Suddenly Loki sat up and offered a place for her on the bench. The sudden movement made him feel dizzy and gave him a sharp pain in his head but he did his best to hid these feelings. Most of the times he hid any kinds of feelings in front of others - it was only his mother who could see his real self most of the times.

- Please, sit down, Mother.

Frigga accepted the offer, sat down close to her son and tenderly took his hands between her palms, capturing his eyes with hers. She didn’t ask anything - she waited patiently for Loki to start talking. She had been watching him since the visit of Ymiri and his fellow giants, since the day I died. She saw enough and she knew that something was really wrong.

- Sjöfn saved me. - Loki said softly.

Sjöfn. That was me. Frigga gave me this name that meant “love”. She told me she felt so much love inside me therefore that this one suited me much better than my original name that I had received from my parents.

Frigga caressed his hand slowly, while noticing the scars and bruises on the rough skin on his hand and on his wrist, but she didn’t say a word. She knew it would have made no sense and she didn’t even wonder how he had obtained those injuries.

- I was so rude to her but she was still ready to give her life for mine. I didn’t even deserve her attention - not to mention her sacrifice.

Loki shook his head while biting his bottom lip and Frigga was surprised to see his eyes shining with tiny tears. She had never seen him so broken before.

- I wish I had spoken to Ymiri somehow else, not to provoke his anger… I mean I would never change my mind about being the king of that horrible place but if I had known that she would prepare to do that… she was so fast… faster than my tongue…

- I guess it was a good lesson for you to learn how to keep your little careless mouth next time. - Frigga was smiling sadly.

- Mother, it is not funny. - Loki’s face remained sad and serious. He was so down that he didn’t find her remark strange. - I owe so much to her, my debt towards her is too much.

- You really mourn her… - Frigga whispered with sorrow in her voice.

- I hate her so much! - screamed Loki suddenly, with his whole body becoming rigid and tight. His face looked even paler than before as if all the blood had rushed out under his skin. - I hate her so much that I could kill her… damn!

But it wasn’t easy to frighten Frigga.

- You don’t hate her.

- I do! I terribly do! - he kept on screaming, his back curved as if he had been in pain. - She has done this mess and she has made me owe her! I hate it! I hate her! I wish I could kill her with my own hands and then I would never feel, I could never feel that I will never be able to pay her back. - his voice became breathless and muffled by the end of the sentence.

Frigga allowed him to let his demolishing anger out but held his hands strongly so he couldn’t have the chance to hurt himself.

- You really mourn her. - she repeated slowly later when she felt that her son could calm down a little.

Loki sighed deeply. He was still breathless.

- I do, Mother. I never regret anything I have done but this time… I do regret hurting her, being so rude and ungrateful. I wish I could apologise her. I wish I could turn back time and delete all my rudeness and ignorance towards her. I wish…

The tremendous corridor was silent when Queen Frigga left her room. Only her steps in her leather-soled boots made a little noise. She smiled at the guardians while she was walking along the stone floor leading to the library. There were armed guardians at every gate and at every corner - she thought it was unnecessary now, after the unwanted presence of the frost giants, but Odin ordered this way.

Her steps became faster as she was hurrying towards the library. She knew that someone was waiting for her.

When she arrived, Thor was standing in the middle of the library, looking lost and confused. The library was not his place: books, reading, silence - these things never belonged to his world. He was there only because he was looking for his brother. He looked up at his mother when she entered and he sighed a little. It was a relief for him not to be alone in that strange place.

- I thought Loki was here. He is always in the library when he is not out somewhere doing some nasty tricks.

Frigga smiled at him softly.

- Maybe he has gone outside for a walk. The weather is beautiful.

Thor shook his head.

- I was told that he hadn’t been here for days and that he hasn’t been seen anywhere since last dinner. - his eyes showed deep concern - Mother, I am worried about Loki.

Frigga put her hand on his left arm, to soothe him a little.

- I know, darling, we all of us are worried about him.

- I don’t think so. You and I love him, you, most of all. Maybe Father. But no one else. Since the attack, no one has talked about Loki. - Thor was getting bitterer with every sentence. - They are talking about how scared they were, they wonder how the frost giants got to and entered Asgard, they are chattering about how the girl saved Loki, and of course they sometimes laugh at him, that he should have been saved by a girl, but not when I am around. - he took a deep breath - But no one asks me where Loki is, how he is feeling. Nothing. Not even my friends. No one cares about him.

Frigga hid her disappointment. She loved Loki, just like her own child, she knew well how difficult it was for others to love him who didn’t know him as well as her, and it always hurt her.

- Don’t bother about them. Everyone had a huge shock that the frost giants could enter our empire and actually their will, that Loki must be their king, was another big surprise as well.

- I don’t give a fuck for the giants anymore - Thor said rudely. - I know now how they have found a secret passage to Asgard that Loki had showed them long before. That passage is closed and guarded now.

- Thanks to Loki, who did his best to straighten up his old mistake. - Frigga reminded him.

- He should never have betrayed us for the first place! - Thor lifted his hand to smash his fist on a table but seeing his mother’s gentle eyes, he changed his mind and lowered his arm. - I miss him. And I am worried about him. He was never like this before. Hiding away from me. Not trying to make some dirty tricks on me.

Frigga put her arms around Thor tenderly.

- Just give him a little time. He had to experience a horrible shock.

- Yeah. He humiliated that poor girl who did nothing bad against him. Who still returned to die for him. - Thor replied with sheer anger in his voice.

Frigga wondered whether he was jealous of Loki but she couldn’t be sure. She knew that Thor loved girls and girls loved him, she courted all the pretty ones anywhere he went, but he showed no particular deep love towards any of them in Asgard. Since he broke up with that human girl, Jane, he didn’t fall in love with anyone. Frigga was sure that she could have noticed if Thor had fallen for me.

In contrast to Thor, Loki never showed the tiniest love (or any kind of) interest towards any girls among whom he was rather unpopular. Even if he was considered to be good-looking, he had a bad reputation, he was not muscular and talkative, he didn’t like flirting and he seemed to love Frigga only.

- Don’t worry, my son. Time will heal the wounds. He will come back to you when he is ready.

Thor hung his head and bowed to her.

- Be blessed, my wise Mother. - then he left.

Frigga left the library as well and she walked down the stairs leading to the entrance. Her heart whispered to her where Loki could be found.