advanced reading copy of ADOPTING GRACE
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“The laissez-faire style” is when a parent encourages a child to let all of their feelings out, but there are no boundaries around the accompanying behavior. “However you feel and want to express that is fine with me. Go ahead and let all your feelings out.” The fourth and healthiest is “the emotion coaching style” which empathizes with any feeling expressed and then helps a child figure out how to self regulate. “I understand that you feel angry, and I have felt that way as well. It is not ok to kick someone when you are feeling this way. Let’s figure out a way for you to deal with this feeling.”18 I mostly saw my own parenting style reflected in the dismissive and disapproving categories. Acknowledging this led to feelings of regret and shame, but grace and gentleness also showed up. Grateful for a way forward, I committed to pursue the role of emotion coach. The expression of “negative” emotions became fertile ground to both learn and teach that we all feel a variety of feelings. “There’s no such thing as a ‘bad’ emotion. It’s how we handle our emotions that matters.”19 There would be many moments and situations in days ahead when I had to, implement the important task of mirroring my kids, put on my coaching hat, and get to work. One particular Sunday morning, I was given the chance to practice my growing mirroring skills with our daughter. **** ADOPTING GRACE ADVANCED READING COPY 104