Double-Check What Makes Your Partner Tick

Dr. John Gottman believes that couples familiar with one another’s lives have happier and more stable relationships. This familiarity can prove helpful when a couple encounters a stressful event, life transition or conflict. One way to stay familiar with your partner’s life is to stay up-to-date on their preferences, habits and dreams.

While you may feel you already know the simple things that make your partner tick, our preferences, habits and dreams can often, as time passes, change. It’s so natural to fall into assuming you know what your partner is experiencing or thinking and double-checking those assumptions can be a helpful way to build the connection in your relationship.

Try This:

With your partner, come up with a list of things you think you know or want to know about your partner (e.g., Favorite family member, saddest memory, go-to drink or cocktail). Include things you think you already know about each other and also push yourself to come up with some questions that may be difficult to answer.

Once you have a list of 20-30 items, turn to each other, pick a question, say it aloud and state what you believe your partner would answer. Then check-in with them, “Did I get it right?” Remember, this is not a game with a winner or loser; this is just a fun way to keep-up-to date with your partner.