Joke-Off: Less “Traditional” Means Of Saving Money

I’m too young and old to say that sentence at the same time, I know, but there you have it. I found my grocery store’s app and learned how to use that app to build out of the weekly sales and coupons. I have no shame at all because in just a couple of weeks I have half my grocery bill already.

Fucking unbelievable.

So, in the spirit of saving more and more money, I tried to do some research about how to save more money in the same manner. All of the advice I found was along the lines of:

1) Shit in a box and then eat it for dinner

or

2) Skip the 4 fancy dinners a week and just do 3 instead

Neither of which are practical and leave out the vast majority of people like us who aren’t filthy rich and who aren’t wanting the prairie experience. Let’s figure out some new ideas. Add your ideas into the comments below!

Joke-Off: Less “Traditional” Means Of Saving Money

Shit in a box and then eat it for dinner

Stop wearing clothes

Stop using hygiene products of any kind at all

Transcend your corporeal form and become a ray of light to save on power bills

Eat only purple foods

Build Tesla’s death ray to threaten your utility companies with

Go backward in time to caveman times where you can trade rocks for anything

Travel to an alternate dimension where Star Trek takes place and there is no need for money

Sell everything on your body

Sell every organ in your body

Sell every single egg you have in your body

Create the first fundamentalist-friendly strip club, make a killing

DIY your own summer fun by standing outside a theme park and telling your kids its their fault you can’t go

Never use plates again, just prepare food in your mouth

Eat nothing but recyclable paper products so you can just re-recycle them

Drink the blood of your enemies to save on coffee

Instead of going to college, punch yourself in the face

Make all your own pants from materials you find on the streets

Instead of going out to movies, punch people in the face at random

To save on Date Night, hate your spouse

Cancel your internet and talk about how you only read books to the disgust of all your friends

Never ever ever have a baby ever

Pickle every food you buy so it lasts forever

Downsize your home until you live in a wormhole between your closet and your job