A woman cheats on her husband after years of happy marriage. Realising her mistake, she starts praying to God:

"God, I know I did a bad thing But my marriage is the only thing that makes me happy. Please don't let my husband find out."

She hears a voice from above: Okay my child it will be. But the only condition is, years from now you're going to die by drowning.

The woman agrees. The next years of her life become wonderful. She even wins the lottery and starts a successful business. Forgetting her conversation with God, she books a vacation on a cruise ship. During her cruise, the ship starts sinking. Remembering her faith, she starts praying to God again:
"God, you're not gonna drown a whole ship full of people because of me right?

She hears a familiar voice once again: "Are you kidding me? I've been gathering you whores for years"

Nope, God promised no more floods. Next one is going to be by fire. Scientist agree, eventually the Sun will expand and envelop our world turning it onto a burning ball of carbon before fully vaporizing it. One big alien bonfire, lets grab marshmallows and tell them ghost stories.

Nope, 1 was Noah who was the reason not everyone died. Then there was his wife. Then there was his three sons and their wives. His sons were the bad ones but I can’t remember what they did at the moment.

One of his sons was the bad one. Papa Noah pressed grapes and got passed-out drunk and fell down with his junk hanging out of his clothes. Son Ham comes in, sees it, and goes to fetch his brothers to come and LOL over dad being passed-out drunk with his junk out (today you'd just whip your phone out and upload it somewhere like the After 12 cheezburgr site), but they're all like "WTF dude, have some respect!" and they walked in backwards and spread a cloak over Noah.

Noah woke up with a hangover and a fucking bad temper, worked out what had happened, and pronounced a curse on Ham's son and all his descendants, but blessed Shem and Japheth for not being assholes.

I read a short story, "She Fell Among Thieves", about someone who is smuggling antiques out of the Middle East, and he gets offered this amazingly life-like statue of what seems to be a Jewess, made of some unknown white stone, recently recovered from an airtight tomb. As he makes a run for the border, in the middle of a rainstorm, he gets pulled up by the army, who check out the truck he's driving but find nothing. The statue has mysteriously disappeared... and the dodgy dealer puts two and two together.

And it's pretty blatant too, not disguised at all as anything else. Old testament god is very plainly the "do as I say or I will fuck you up" variety. My favorite example of this is the story about the ark of the covenant, which was only allowed to be touched by designated people. One day it was tipping over and an unauthorized person caught it to prevent it from being damaged and god killed him on the spot.

And anyways, Revelation was simply a creative way to spread anti-Roman propaganda without the Romans realizing they were talking about them. Almost every minute detail in the book is a metaphor for something in the politics of the day, and most people reading it at the time would have understood the references without much explanation. There are some theological lessons in there as well, but at the time it was written, it was never interpreted as a prediction of future things to come.

Female students were sick of their sexist professor’s jokes everyday. They all decided to walk out in unison the next time he told one. The next day they got to class, nodding to each other. The proff came in, stood at the microphone, and said “have you students heard about the whore shortage in India?”

All at once, each female student got up and headed for the door. The professor shouted “Wait, Wait Ladies!! The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”