CBS-TVs award winning program 60 Minutes has announced that new Dead Sea Scrolls have been discovered and will be read on its next broadcast, featuring anchorperson Dan Rather who was handed the documents by an unknown hairdresser. The photocopied scrolls alledgedly confirm the long-held thesis of senior editors of the New York Times that even if there is a God he let us make ourselves. An unnamed source suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome related to an abusive physical examination conducted by extra-terrestrial beings on the west side of Manhattan, confirms that these newly discovered scrolls prove that the Holy Land never actually existed as the Bible claims, and that it in fact was a small village in modern African-American Ethiopia enlarged through the use of reflecting mirrors. Jesus Christ, whom CBS-TV editors describe as the "well-known Messiah", may in fact have lived in modern Texas and never migrated to the Middle East.

Some graphologists have raised questions about the veracity of the first century A.D. scrolls. They point out that they are typed with modern computer software which was not commonly available in first century Galilee, and that they do not employ the jots and tittles common to ancient manuscripts. Dan Rather issued a statement through his temporary hairdresser saying that he is absolutely convinced that the scrolls are genuine and that the evidence that Jesus stayed in Texas and used the Harvard MBA program as an excuse not to get crucified in Jerusalem and rise from the dead is news "so hot" that the American people need to hear it now and make their own decisions.

New Dead Sea Scrolls discovered in cave in Judean desert...New Dead Sea Scrolls cave discoveredThu, 09 Feb 2017 - It is the first such discovery in decades of a cave which housed the famous relics.

Archaeologists have found a cave that once housed Dead Sea scrolls in a cliff in the Judean desert - the first such discovery in over 60 years. Israel's Hebrew University said the ancient parchments were missing from the cave, and were probably looted by Bedouin people in the 1950s. Storage jars, fragments of a scroll wrapping, and a leather tying string were found at the site. The Dead Sea scrolls date from as early as the 4th Century BC. The priceless records include more than 800 documents written in Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek, mostly on animal skin and papyrus. As well as containing the oldest copies of many biblical texts, they also include many secular writings about life in the 1st and 2nd Centuries AD.

Excavators filter material from the cave​

The first Dead Sea scrolls were discovered in 1947, reportedly by a young Bedouin shepherd hunting for a lost sheep in Qumran, on the modern-day West Bank. It is not known who wrote the scrolls, although some scholars have credited a Jewish sect called the Essenes. The team excavating the latest cave was led by Dr Oren Gutfeld and Ahiad Ovadia from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, with Dr Randall Price and students from Liberty University in Virginia.

The team found fragments of pottery jars that contained the stolen scrolls​

The pottery jars and wrappings were found concealed in niches along the cave's walls, and inside a 4-6m (16-20ft) tunnel at its rear. "Until now, it was accepted that Dead Sea Scrolls were found only in 11 caves at Qumran, but now there is no doubt that this is the 12th cave," said Dr Gutfeld. "Although at the end of the day no scroll was found, and instead we "only" found a piece of parchment rolled up in a jug that was being processed for writing, the findings indicate beyond any doubt that the cave contained scrolls that were stolen," he said. "The findings include the jars in which the scrolls and their covering were hidden, a leather strap for binding the scroll, a cloth that wrapped the scrolls, tendons and pieces of skin connecting fragments, and more."

This tiny carnelian seal is evidence that the cave was once inhabited​

The team also found a seal made from carnelian, a semi-precious stone - evidence that prehistoric people once lived in the desert cave. The Bedouin looting theory arose with the discovery of two iron pickaxe heads from the mid-20th Century that had been left inside the cave tunnel. "I imagine they came into the tunnel. They found the scroll jars. They took the scrolls," Dr Gutfeld said. "They even opened the scrolls and left everything around, the textiles, the pottery." He said this could be just the first in a series of discoveries, with hundreds of caves yet to be explored.

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