Lady Boomer Transitions

I guess like most bloggers, I tend to write about issues I’m puzzling over at any given moment. When I launched my BBLB blog in 2009 I was grappling with the typical stuff facing a 56 year old Boomer — post menopausal hormonal issues, kids navigating their 20s, and as a working person, career challenges. That pattern has persisted and as a 64 year old, I tend to focus on arthritic joints, grandchildren, and “What am I going to be when I grow up?” kinds of questions as I navigate semi retirement options. And I don’t think I’m the lone ranger (see – another Boomer reference to a television icon of my youth) in contemplating these questions.

I’ve not been as active on this blogsite in recent weeks as I’ve been pursuing solutions to the question posed above. What am I going to do as I age toward my 70s, start collecting Social Security and enroll in a health care plan that will actually pay to address my joint issues (#countingthedaysuntilMedicare)?

CNN Money Graphic

I don’t know about you but I’m not confident my retirement savings will be sufficient to support our needs for years to come. I just do not see my husband and I enjoying the kind of leisurely life his father and mine retired to. So, in typical Jim and Liz fashion, we set about developing a new business endeavor, hoping against hope the end result might be an income stream. (even if it ends up just being a trickle). Thus, we have launched “What’s Next Boomer?” The initial phase is a Free quiz (the KQuiz) to help people in the 60+ age demographic gain insight into their values, personality traits, and motivations as they stand at the juncture of retirement or semi-retirement. I really do believe we aren’t the only Boomers to be a little intimidated, even daunted by, what’s next as we age into our 70s, 80s and beyond. I’m hoping What’s Next Boomer can be a resource for people puzzling over the same questions we are navigating.

This was really a longer explanation than planned for why I have been MIA from writing my blog. But I do see a fit. I write all the time about issues facing Lady Boomers, and what’s next for us is certainly an issue we all face together. So…please take our quiz and be a part of our What’s Next Boomer community. Thanks!

My husband and I are thirty-year market researchers. We have designed surveys for people, politics, and products. We have developed the KQuiz to help people gain insight into their values, personality traits, and motivations as they stand at the juncture of retirement or semi-retirement.

The KQuiz is designed with the +60 age demographic in mind. Most of us have taken at least one personality test in our lives. The question is, “Do the profiles we were given hold up as we age into our 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond?” The results will provide you with a road map for your future.

Find out where your partner is on these dimensions and determine where you intersect and differ. The results will provide you with a road map for your future.

The KQuiz is based upon archetypes. Carl Jung identified archetypes symbolizing basic human motivations. Each type has its own set of values, meanings and personality traits. Most people have more than one archetype at play in their personalities. Generally, however, one archetype tends to dominate. It can be helpful to know which archetypes are at play in yourself and your loved ones in order to gain personal insight into behaviors and motivations. So click here to take our KQuiz and find out if you….

Are you a Sage, the visionary?Are you the Dreamer who strives for authenticity?Are you the Rebel, the spontaneous non-conformist?Are you the Caretaker, the conscientious one?

I’m sitting in the aftermath of Hurricane Irma. This hurricane was so massive it impacted the entire peninsula of Florida. The Keys have never sustained such impact and upon its exit Irma gave us the proverbial “middle finger” as it caused the St. John’s River to overflow and flood Jacksonville. The official estimate of power outage was 6.5 million. A revised estimate puts that total at 13 million out of a state population of 20 million.

While very grateful, my husband and I are struggling with some “survivors” guilt since we still have power. We live in an area of Central Florida where the utility lines are buried. We are offering our house, showers, beds, air conditioning, coffee pot, washing machine, and refrigerator to friends who are sweltering in air conditioning impaired homes with rapidly defrosting refrigerators and NO COFFEE.

So aside from a hurricane hang-over, what is a take-away from this experience? Here are a few thoughts I’m saying to myself:

(1) First and foremost – Don’t be a jerk! I have that tendency I must confess. I get very cranky queuing in long lines or getting caught in traffic jams. Behaviors I saw pre-hurricane were kind of appalling- people fist fighting over propane tanks, hoarding water, and snatching that last grill out from under an elderly man at a Home Depot.

Let’s hope we can find more patience in our post-hurricane behavior because frankly, waiting for Duke energy or Florida Power trucks will summon up all the patience we have in our psychic arsenal.

(2) Get creative. If I believe there is such a thing as “sin”, wasting time would be at the top of my sin list. Yes it is bloody hot. Yes the cable is down so no television or Internet. Yes there is no electricity to even cook a meal inside the house. But what else can you say “yes” to which can actually bolster your spirits?

Yes, I can finally spend quality time with people I love rather than running hither and yon checking off to-do lists. (Although by now you may actually be a little tired of each other given the pre-amble to the hurricane). Time is a commodity. What are we going to do with this precious gift? As my kids and I used to say, “Make lemonade out of chicken shit”. (When they were older of course)

Make a fun concoction out of food you have in the pantry or expiring in the refrigerator. Or even make a science experiment out of it. During a previous hurricane my kids and I made a treasure hunt out of finding the iron in cereal. After all, what does “fortified with iron” really mean?

Actually do something creative- play or make musical instruments; instead of watching television, half of you be the television and the other half the audience. Draw, color, paint, sculpt.

(3) Go on an adventure. Whether on foot, bicycle, or by car, get out of the house and explore. The roads are or will be cleared of danger in many areas. Get out of town.

I don’t mean to sound Pollyanna about our plights. Conditions are rough right now without a doubt. But our attitudes toward this situation can be life changing. How often do we have the opportunity to be curious, to be a little foolish? Where ever and whenever possible- have fun with this gift of time!

It has been sixteen years (oh my gosh I hate to admit how much time has elapsed) since our last child launched his college career. I’ve been having flashbacks hearing stories from friends whose nests are about to empty as their children embark on their own college adventures.

The following is a blog I wrote post our college drop-off experience:

My husband and I had deposited my youngest son on the doorstep of George Washington University mid August of 2001 – we were empty nested for the first time in eleven years of our marriage. (a second marriage, needless to say) My daughter was in her third year of college in North Carolina. We like to say we were empty nested for less than an hour when my daughter called to say, “I’m coming home, Mom, I’ve decided to drop out of school. This way you won’t have to worry about having an empty nest”. This conversation occurred as we were driving back to our Florida home. All I could say was, “Let me call you back, honey”. We pulled over at a rest stop and I bought a pack of cigarettes.

As it turned out, my daughter was suffering from a love affair gone bad. Her panic about her future, and ours over the Al-Qaeda attacks on 9/11 made for a stressful fall that year. In the midst of this upheaval, my son, newly ensconced in his freshman dorm in DC, was kicked out of school on the first day of classes for smoking pot. In spite of appeals, he was sent home for three semesters.

During the fall of 2001, as I was spending time in bed with the covers pulled over my head, I worked with a group of friends to create a pilot program we later called the Jeremiah Project. (I needed a survival kit, as was the case with many of my boomer friends) The Jeremiah Project, currently in it’s 14the year, is an after school and summer creative arts program targeted to reach under served middle school aged kids. I realized I needed something positive to focus on in the midst of an extremely negative and fearful time. I was a potter and I loved the idea of introducing kids to clay. While it would appear we were helping the kids, they were really the ones healing us.

Early Jeremiah Project

Now back to 2017. I don’t know how helpful this story is to those of you perusing the aisles of Bed Bath and Beyond for twin XL bed sheets, Tide-To-Go sticks, and closet organizers, but I’m here to tell you my kids managed and somehow so did we.

Update: My daughter not only finished her undergraduate education but went on to receive an MFA- Masters in Fine Arts. My son now has a Ph.D. as does his wife and is the fabulous father of two children.

I guess my strategy for coping with family/national crises and ENS (Empty Nest Syndrome) was to focus upon something bigger than my immediate world. Maybe identify something that pleases one of your passions- pet rescue, sewing/knitting for a cause, art, or nature. Consider starting your own non-profit or something entrepreneurial. Whatever you decide it will certainly be better than watching Antiques Roadshow with the covers pulled over your head.

I’ve got a case of the sighs. You know the ones originating from somewhere around the solar plexus (if that is really a thing) as a release for the emotional weight sitting elephant-like on your chest. Indulge me while I take you on the journey of this past week and the situations responsible for these weight-releasing sighs.

My husband and I were excitedly anticipating a beach retreat at the conclusion of a hectic summer creative arts program I direct. Days before our departure we received news that our 47 year old nephew, who has battled a kind of blood cancer for years, was critically ill and dying. Vacation on hold, we traveled to Atlanta to grieve with David’s family. Our roles were to provide strength and support to our bereft brother and sister-in-law who have outlived their child. Only days later am I realizing our personal grief was put at bay so we could support those closer to the nucleus of the tragedy.

We returned home following the funeral, our postponed beach retreat feeling more important than ever….but….arriving back in Central Florida we ran into hurricane-like weather conditions. Undaunted…beach bags/chairs/umbrellas in tow, we ventured to our favorite Atlantic beach site.

I will say the 23 hours spent at the beach were glorious, so much so I have the sunburn to prove it. Our intended leisurely morning sitting on the balcony enjoying hazelnut coffee and French pastries from an authentic NSB bakery was interrupted by the sound of drilling. Two floors below a jackhammer was busy breaking up tile; we were advised this jarring sound would continue throughout the next couple of days. We packed up and left.

The hour’s drive home provided space for contemplation of other fun options for our day. I’m not sure who suggested it… but we both agreed and…we ended up spending six hours in a Subaru dealership after which we were the proud owners of a 2017 Forrester. Ok, so we needed to replace the car we were losing as our lease expired. So we left feeling productive and even a little excited.

Entering the garage I realized the helpful salesman, while having explained the Bluetooth functions, audio system, and driver seat positions had failed to tell me how to turn off the car. Amid the excitement and confusion of the car I received a text telling me my step-mother’s significant other and committed life partner had experienced a heart attack and was in critical condition. Gene subsequently died leaving Beth in utter shock and despair.

While we may be steps removed from these deaths, we nevertheless are reeling from these losses. It has been a bazaar week as a friend described our last 8 days.

Agitated and anxious, I made my way to a yoga class this morning. As is often the case in yoga sessions, the instructor asked what motivated us to attend the class. “What is your intention for being here?” What popped into my head was the phrase “bitter-sweet”. Life as we know it is comprised of the bitter and the sweet. I just did not really expect for my taste buds to be quite so inundated all in one week.

I have a rhetorical question (Def: question that you ask without expecting an answer). How many pairs of black pants does one woman need? Since I’m talking to my computer I’m not really expecting an answer (although it would be pretty cool if you would answer via the survey link below. I’ve changed my mind I really do want to know after all).

This question popped into my head when my husband and I were traveling in Europe this summer. Since we stayed in five different places there were many days when my suitcase was my dresser. Invariably however, as I was rummaging through my suitcase (because of course the item I wanted was ALWAYS inaccessible no matter how many times I packed for the next day. I guess it’s just not in my DNA to create a clothing strategy and stick to it. It was during this delving I realized I had multiple pairs of black pants from shorts to capris to ankle length trousers. Inevitably I would say, in a decidedly cranky voice, “Not that pair of black pants. I want the ones that have…the seam running down the center, the cotton light weight ones, the ones with spandex, my yoga pants, the ones with the zipper in the back, etc. etc.

So the other rhetorical question I pose is this one- When did this happen to me? It just kind of snuck up on me and boom! I have eight pairs of black pants in my closet. There is probably (actually no probably about it) a correlation between my weight gain and how much better my stomach and butt look in black. For the record, black is not really even a color. It’s kind of selfish just absorbing all the colors in the visible spectrum, hoarding them and never reflecting them back. But it does have its attributes, principal among them its ability to hide body fat.

I keep seeing this ad on Facebook for the “Little Black Pant” guaranteed to be the “best fitting pant you will ever buy”. My hand keeps hovering over the “order today” button. Help, please stop me now!