Harshing your mellow since 9/01

I visited Mount Rushmore in the summer of 2015, and it’s nothing like Abe Lincoln squatting on his (recently vandalized) throne or George Washington’s phallus towering over everything in DC. Instead, Rushmore is a testament to the human ability to conquer nature in our own image. Standing in front of it conjured feelings of both wonder and disgust in me. Obviously, Washington and Thomas Jefferson were remarkable individuals who helped usurp British rule in America and, eventually, establish a new empire. But they also enslaved their fellow man, committing special kinds of inhumane acts that should never be confined to footnotes. Unfortunately, that is exactly how those troublesome truths are treated when you face the awesome grandeur of Rushmore, a monument so incredible it obscures the multifaceted nature of these old dudes, transmogrifying them from individuals with a capacity both for greatness and evil into pure American deities.

Another news flash for this whining dolt: the world is an imperfect place, filled with imperfect people. So by all means, let’s dwell on the bad over the good, and make sure everyone is as miserable as pig-ignorant twats like this bitter little boy. We should also make sure that we judge another era by the standards of our own. That’s definitely a formula for real progress and happiness.

In case you’re wondering, I don’t think Barack Obama should be lionized with some sort of larger-than-life monument, either. While he is a man who embodies so many of the dreams I had for this nation as a child, he has also committed acts I absolutely abhor. His embrace of aerial drone strikes, especially in nations like Somalia, was extremely disheartening for both their attendant civilian casualties and the shaky legal framework in which they were committed. His expansion of surveillance programs that sprawled under George W. Bush could theoretically now be used by the Trump administration to stymie movements like Black Lives Matter, which is comprised of people actually doing work to make this nation more equitable.

Yeah, right—by looting, burning, pillaging, and assaulting innocent bystanders and passersby. And every bit of it based on the goddamnable lie of Ferguson and the fairy tale of the “Gentle Giant”—you remember, the vicious thug who tried to murder a cop after robbing a bodega and thankfully got his worthless ass shot instead.

It’s hard to be critical of a system when that system becomes an article of faith, filled with myths (the cherry tree), deities (Founding Fathers), and notions of salvation (the City on a Hill).

It’s a damned sight harder when one side—the neo-Marxist side, completely and irretrievably immersed in its arrogance-in-ignorance—dispenses entirely with the quaint old notion of freedom of speech for all and decides to arrogate to itself alone the right to express its beliefs openly, and to enforce despotism and intolerance under threat of mindless violence.

Trump and his white supremacist cohorts believe the reverence some Americans have for these statues is simply respect for history, and that tearing them down is tantamount to ripping pages out of a textbook.

And he’s right. That’s exactly what it is, fuckface, and there’s a reason why it’s the first thing simple-minded commie twats like you do…right before they seize the guns. Which, y’know, try it, shithead. Just come and fucking take them. Any time you feel up to it.

But monuments built by the state are not history—they manifestations of power. They don’t tell you who, what, why, or how something happened. Instead, they just inform you who’s in control. This is even true with the Confederate statues, even though the South lost the war.

Um…uhhh…oh, to hell with it. It makes as much as anything else dropping from this ignoramus’s piehole, really.

With the president of the United States basically justifying neo-Nazism, it seems unthinkable that we will ever see a day when there is a serious push to blow up Rushmore and other monuments like it. But if that moment ever arrives, I suspect I’d be onboard.

Uh huh. And when you do, we’ll be ready for you…locked, loaded, and drawing a painstaking bead. Careful what you wish for there, punk.

But hey, maybe there’s something to all this hateful drivel after all. Maybe he does in fact have a point about our monuments, our treasured history. So yeah, let’s do it; let’s tear down every last statue and monument in the country. But I mean all of them. Let’s do away with the Martin Luther King memorials, too, in Atlanta, DC, and elsewhere. Let’s rename every last Martin Luther King Blvd in dangerous ghettos across the nation and change them all back to whatever they were.

While we’re at it, let’s also ban all those Che T-shirts you see idiots like this guy sporting, and make possessing one a crime punishable by some serious jail time. Likewise, anything and everything commemorating Rosa Parks, Lenin, Stalin, FDR, and anybody else we can think of. Let’s declare expressing any political opinion at all a “hate crime,” one carrying some stiff punishment with it. If we’re gonna do this, we ain’t gonna do it halfway.

But actually, no, I have a better proposal, and unlike the previous bit, I am absolutely serious about this one. I mean, blacks are fourteen percent of the population, and that includes the decent folks along with wastes of flesh like this guy. Why on earth would the huge majority in this country agree to deny itself the monuments that remind us all of who we were, of our shared history, warts and all, and let a bunch of self-righteous dullards render our public spaces into the kind of grey, dismal, uninspiring and oppressive prisons found all over the old Soviet Union? Why on earth would we ever agree to roll over and let worthless douchebags like this have their way with us?

So I suggest we instead offer whining, half-bright little oxygen thieves like this guy a choice: if you’re black, and you still insist on clinging to a destructive and delusional fantasy of victimhood, re-fighting the long-ended war that freed your forebears from slavery—a condition neither you nor anybody you know nor anybody you ever met nor any relative in living memory ever experienced for even one second, but which still exists today in many parts of the world, including your precious “Motherland,” you stupid fuck—you get a one-way ticket to the African shitpit of your choice, courtesy of the US taxpayer. If you decline that dubious privilege, you agree to shut your fucking mouth about all the supposed “sins”—real, imagined, or made up—of this country.

No need to thank us, halfwit. Just take your winning ticket and get the fuck out. Don’t let the door hit you in the etc, you ungrateful little bitch. Get thee gone, and blight our nation no more. And may you have joy of your choice.

We could do the same with Lefty excrescences generally, come to think of it. Give ’em all the opportunity to emigrate to the socialist hellhole of their choice: Venezuela, Cuba, China, wherever. The one non-negotiable condition: you don’t get to come back here. Ever. Not for any reason. No do-overs, no second chances. You hate capitalism and want to live in a “worker’s paradise,” do you? Fine; take on off, there are plenty to choose from. Go, and leave real Americans alone.

Yes, the taxpayers will pay for it, and cheerfully, I suspect. We’ll even make it a ticket for a first-class fare; being rid of these sniveling parasites for good would be a bargain at any price.

Anybody still think it’s possible to reason with people like this? That it’s even desirable? Or that we have any real obligation to try?

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3 thoughts on “Let’s take down all the things!”

I love being lectured on historical atrocities by a political movement that spent the entire Cold War fellating the Soviet Union, Red China, and every communist revolution that popped up around the planet.

+1. Tell it like it is. And “they” continue to wonder why we are tired of their shit. I’m “blacked, trannied, gayed, fluid-gendered, white-privileged, etc” out. No more. Shut up and live your life and leave me the fuck alone.