Mama Drama Over Orders To Germany

I've got a mean ol' mother-in-law. My husband and I have been together for nine years. This woman has troubled our relationship from the beginning.

My husband joined the Air Force, and we ae stationed in Germany. We really love being here. We are away from the family drama (both sides are crazy) and we are both living out a dream.

We wanted to come here for our daughters also. They are seven years old and we really want them to have an amazing life. Being born and raised in small town, we knew from the beginning that we wanted more for our girls. If you have the opportunity to give your children a life full of adventure and knowledge, wouldn't you take it?

His mother is very angry with us for moving here. We are baffled. She really didn't have much to do with us before we came here. My husband has made it very clear that we intend to live in as many countries as possible until our girls are out of high school. Every time we talk to her, she makes hateful and rude comments about how we are tearing the family apart and that our marriage will never last.

We have both tried explaining our reasons for our choice, but it does no good. We send her pictures and cards and email and call very often -- much more than when we were home -- to make her feel included, but it doesn't help. Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation?

Sincerely,
Baffled DIL

Dear Baffled,

I’m very happy for you and your family. You deserve to have a great life and live it to the fullest. It sounds like the Air Force is providing a way for you and your family to live your dream and accomplish some goals along the way. Good for you!

From your report, it was probably best that your husband joined the Air Force and left the same town his mother lives in. If you lived near her, I don’t think your marriage would last very long. She sounds like a sad, miserable lady who doesn’t want anyone to be happy.

She should be so proud of her son and happy for his family. Instead, she is acting like a porcupine and throwing prickly thorns everywhere. As they say, “It’s hard to hug a porcupine.”

You are already doing the right thing. Enjoy your family and enjoy Germany. Take advantage of everything the military lifestyle has to offer. Don’t spend too much time thinking about how your mother-in-law feels; it really doesn’t matter.

If you worry about what she thinks or how she feels, then this means she has you in bondage. Don’t allow her to do that, OK? Continue to send her pictures and try to keep in touch with her and stay positive when you talk to her. If the conversation becomes negative or mean-spirited, that’s when you end the conversation.

Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki

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About

Ms. Vicki is a native of Dallas, is married to an active-duty Soldier and has three sons. She has a Master's of Science in Social Work from the University of Louisville, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and currently works as a therapist with military servicemembers and their families. She provides services for a wide array of concerns such as combat stress, PTSD, couples and marital problems, depression, grief and loss, stress and coping.

Ms. Vicki also writes an advice column "Dear Ms. Vicki" that appears in the Washington Times, the Fort Campbell Courier and the Heidelberg Herald Post. Ms. Vicki also hosts an internet radio show and blogs on her community site with the Washington Times. If you want to ask Ms. Vicki for advice about your military life, please email her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com.