Gove puts 15 MPs into special measures on his first day as chief whip

Michael Gove had a busy first day in his new role as Chief Whip, placing 15 MPs into special measures and launching an investigation into extremists influencing government policy, particularly on immigration.

"For too long, MPs have had no performance monitoring while taking extended holidays and claiming that their 'constituency workload' kept them busy. The 15 MPs placed into special measures today have consistently blocked Conservative attempts to implement their manifesto." Mr Gove announced in his first press conference since being appointed Chief Whip. "That they are all Liberal Democrats is pure coincidence."

All MPs will now be subject to random inspections and take tests, the results of which will be published in annual league tables.

"Conservative MPs are considering forming a union, balloting their Members about strike action and demanding the word "Gove" is struck from the public record." Said an Rnment spokesman who wished to remain anonymous.

When pressed about rumours that he would be introducing Free MPs, with no entry level qualification and no experience in the role required, he explained that the cabinet had always been chosen that way.

This isn't well written but I think there is an idea lurking in here which could be taken on if someone has an urge. Unfortunately my urges are currently being overwhelmed by Gastric Flu. (Which should give me 20% extra stars) ..

I am going to use the writers room as just that for a moment ! .. These were my thoughts.

I ended up trying to get three main jokes/themes:
1. The idea of Free Schools with unqualified people is similar to the cabinet / ministerial job allocation
2. MPs as teachers. Lots of holidays with Constituency work as a subtitute for "marking"
3. The idea that failing MPs could go into special measures.

Lots of parallels that I discarded because I couldn't fit them in:
Grammar MPs, Private MPs, Public MPs, Religious MPs, Sponsored MPs.

Things I don't like:
Headline includes the main joke in the first paragraph making one or the other redundant.
2nd and 3rd paragraphs could both be tighter and shorter.

Yes, I like the lib dem idea .. a jihaddist school joke might work but I can't think of one that fits easily (unless your comment was a sarcastic nudge to me having too much in the sub already in which case its flown over my head because my head is lower than usual due to the gastric flu mentioned earlier !) ...

Thanks for the nice comments
Ugi, I have added a paragraph about strike action, thanks. The others are good ideas but I can't get them to fit in at the moment without making it all long winded again! :)

Pulling together this great sub, with lots of collaboration, especially while ill, deserves some kind of write of the month recognition. Well, assuming you really are ill and not just playing for sympathy. Do you have a sick note?