LAST week my three-year-old son saw a woman in a burqa for the first time.

We were in a crowded waiting room in the maternity wing of a Sydney hospital and I braced myself for the kid’s reaction as we walked past. He outdid himself.

Wrestling free from my grip, he tore over to her, arms outstretched, fingers pointing and yelling at the top of his voice: "Mummy! Mummy! What’s that? What’s THAT?"

Anyone who hadn’t already been staring before my son’s outburst was doing so now. Put on the spot, I couldn’t think of an explanation that would satisfy his three-year-old brain without offending the spiritual sensibilities of the woman and her equally pious husband.

I smiled apologetically in the direction of the woman’s face (her eyes not being visible behind the fine mesh of her veil) and tried to drag the kid away.

Of course this only made him more determined. To my utter mortification, he started tugging on her burqa — even trying to crawl underneath it while giggling: "It’s a ghost! I want to play too, mummy. Help me get under the sheet!"

Minutes later, I retold what I thought was a sweet anecdote of a child’s innocent clash with culture, to the doctor.Her reaction truly shocked me: "I actually agree with your son," she said.

"If these people want to dress like that, they shouldn’t come to Australia to do it. They should go back to their own country. The men are worse; they always make a huge fuss about how their wives must only see female doctors."

Muslim scholars and community leaders give their advice on how to explain a burqa to a toddler. Picture: AAPSource: news.com.au

The doctor’s epic interpretation fail of my son’s reaction to the burqa troubled me. There had been three pregnant junkies and their partners on the nod in the same waiting room and they had apparently not warranted a second glance.

I fretted about it for days.

How do you respectfully explain a burqa to a child — particularly when the subject is standing right in front of you? Surely I was not the first parent to have encountered this sort of situation in multicultural Australia? Had the Muslim couple been offended? Was there anything either of us could have done differently?

I sought advice from Muslim scholars and community leaders across the country. This is what they said:

Dr Salih Yucel, Senior lecturer, Centre for Studies in Religion and Theology, Monash University"If only people weren’t so intimidated by other cultures. Of course she is not a ghost, she is a human being and the child must not be encouraged to think she is a ghost. We should look at the burqa as a different flower in the garden. This is something that even a young child can understand."

Keysar Trad: 'She could have removed her veil for a little child.'Source: News Limited

Keysar Trad, Islamic Friendship Association of Australia spokesman"This incident reminds me of being on a tour in the US with an Islamic (cleric) and his wife and we walked into a convenience store. The owner of the store had a young daughter and this little girl came up to the cleric’s wife, who was wearing a burqa, and wanted to know why her face was covered, was there some disfigurement to her face?

"Well, the wife leaned forward and lifted her veil to show the little girl that her face was normal, that she was a human being. That was the right thing to do and I think in your case, this woman could have done the same thing with your son. But it’s a credit to your parenting that your son wasn’t afraid of her, that the burqa did not frighten him as it does so many adults."

United Muslim Women Association member, who asked to remain anonymous"This is a big problem in our society. I would never, ever wear the burqa in Australia but I wear the hijab, as my sisters do. We are always (having to) to explain to our children about the reason for the burqa. If we are the same religion, why does that woman wear it when mummy or aunty does not? It’s impossible for a young child to understand that, as your child said, this is not a ghost, this is in fact a human being."

Dr Jan Ali, senior lecturer in Islam and Modernity at the University of Western Sydney"We know through research that humans are social animals and that we are often threatened by the alien or the foreign. This is part and parcel of social interaction and social process. We are territorial and boundary-oriented, even on trains or public seating; Imagine if you were sitting on a park bench and I came and sat very close to you. You would be like, 'Hey, don’t sit so close to me!'

"This is how it is when a woman wearing a burqa or niqab (similar garment) enters a public space in the west. We feel that religion is intervening and taking over. In a secular context that is a big no-no. So both parties must negotiate the public space.

"In your case there was nothing much you could have said other than, 'I’m sorry, this is not something that my son is familiar with'. There is no social antidote. For her to have been offended by a young child’s reaction would have been a shame both on her part and the part of her husband. She could have spoken to you or lifted her veil but perhaps there was an issue of confidence."

My son remains none the wiser about Islam or burqas but, having consulted the Muslim community, I feel that I will be better equipped to deal with the situation if (when) it happens again.

Have you ever found your self in a similar situation? Tell us your stories in the comments below.

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Comments on this story

Dennis Posted at 3:30 PM June 14, 2013

These Muslim women shouldn't be wearing the burqa in Australia.

PB of Brsibane Posted at 3:30 PM June 14, 2013

Peter of Melbawne. It is not in the Qoran. That is why everyone is writing in. Religion has nothing to do with women wearing that outfit. Men want them to wear it.

Lee Posted at 3:30 PM June 14, 2013

Easy smile and say "its a woman" when the child says why is she dressed like that say"because she wants to". If the kid is a bit older and asks why would she want to dress like that tell them, because she believes that her God wants her to dress like that. If they then ask why don't we dress like that for God tell them that you don't believe it is necessary. Children don't need to be to told about the repression of females in some cultures or the pressure to conform to their culture

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