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Username on "Get More Poor Kids onto the Nice List or Lose Your Monopoly, Santa Warned"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53443#post-154374
Wed, 19 Dec 2012 08:38:00 +0000Username154374@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Performance-based pagan-consumerism. 5*<br />
Strong debut
</p>Qoxiivi on "Get More Poor Kids onto the Nice List or Lose Your Monopoly, Santa Warned"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53443#post-154340
Wed, 19 Dec 2012 00:19:28 +0000Qoxiivi154340@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Yep, very good.
</p>Vertically Challenged Giant on "Get More Poor Kids onto the Nice List or Lose Your Monopoly, Santa Warned"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53443#post-154329
Tue, 18 Dec 2012 23:10:02 +0000Vertically Challenged Giant154329@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Nice.</p>
<p>Or naughty? No, definitely nice. 5*
</p>FlashArry on "Get More Poor Kids onto the Nice List or Lose Your Monopoly, Santa Warned"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53443#post-154322
Tue, 18 Dec 2012 22:58:02 +0000FlashArry154322@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Deft touch there, James - five stars and a bump ...
</p>james_patching_1 on "Get More Poor Kids onto the Nice List or Lose Your Monopoly, Santa Warned"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53443#post-154225
Tue, 18 Dec 2012 15:10:55 +0000james_patching_1154225@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Father Christmas has been threated with the removal of his monopoly in the UK market following the publication of this year's Naughty or Nice list, which again shows that the list a child gets on is strongly linked to parental income. </p>
<p>"We simply cannot go on with a situation in which the Naughty or Nice List completely fails to represent society as a whole," claimed junior minister Alan Crockdale, "and it's up to Santa to do more encourage children from working class backgrounds to try and get on the Nice List."</p>
<p>Challenged that the Naughty or Nice List is simply a refection of behavioural standards within society, Crockdale went on to blame Father Christmas for not doing enough to make sure "standards required take into account the background the children are from."</p>
<p>"Perhaps rather than demanding that every child 'remembers their pleases and thank you's' at the end of their sentences, he could look into the possibility of some children making it onto the Nice List by omitting to say 'or I'll fuckin' shank you' when they finish speaking," he suggested.</p>
<p>But a spokesman for Father Christmas reacted angrily, saying the organisation wasn't responsible for social engineering and claiming that standards for achieving a place on the Nice List have in any case gone down significantly in recent years:</p>
<p>"Where once a child had to do at least a couple of good deeds a year, like make their Gran a cup of tea, in order to make it onto the Nice List, nowadays it's enough if they refrain from beating up smaller kids and swearing at their teacher."</p>
<p>Ministers are meeting on Friday to discuss the possibility of removing Santa's monopoly, which would open up the present delivery market to foreign competition including Befana, the Italian witch, or the German "Christkind", who has been following developments in the UK market for a long time with a hope to extending operations here. </p>
<p>The possible threat of the Christkind taking over some of the UK market has, however, led to a preemptive backlash by the Daily Mail, who have started a "Save the British Christmas!" campaign.</p>
<p>"This is yet another example of the EU trying to destroy British traditions," calimed Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre. "The next thing we know we'll all be forced to eat Sauerkraut for Christmas dinner and the Queen's Speech will be given by Angela Merkel. I mean, come on, Father Christmas! You can't get more British than that!" He said referring to the red-suited, white-bearded charcter created by an Atlanta-based company in the 1930s to promote Coca-Cola to the American public.
</p>rikkor on "Chimp Develops Class Consciousness"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23383#post-63428
Sat, 02 Apr 2011 13:35:45 +0000rikkor63428@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Funny. Five.
</p>pineapple incident on "Chimp Develops Class Consciousness"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23383#post-63426
Sat, 02 Apr 2011 13:20:14 +0000pineapple incident63426@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p><strong>Scientists at the University of Sheffield have taught Deryck (a 14 year old, West African Common Chimpanzee) to recognise that the history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles.</strong></p>
<p>Scientists were originally concerned that the phenomenon was one of phrases being mindlessly repeated, without being understood. Their fears have been allayed after extensive consultation with sociologists and Labour Party whips.</p>
<p>Dr John Portland, a Senior Lecturer in Socio-biology, noted that “for months now, Deryck has displayed characteristics which suggest that he is fully conscious of the oppression of the proletariat. He waxes lyrical against every breath taken by police officers, he blames Thatcher when his football team looses, and he insists that the Labour Party is still a legitimate voice of the working class.”</p>
<p>In an exclusive interview the Chimpanzee revealed the source of his convictions: “my grandparents suffered unimaginably in the 80s at the hands of that Thatcher bitch... probably... in any case, I'll support Labour as long as they continue to make me feel like I'm loyal to my roots but, at the same time, not actually lowering my standard of living like real socialism would.”</p>
<p>“Also, the bourgeoisie has stripped of its halo every occupation hitherto honoured and looked up to with reverent awe. It has converted the physician, the lawyer, the priest, the poet, the man of science, into its paid wage labourers... whatever the fuck that means.”
</p>dicky37 on "Drugs debate re-opened as Tories re-classify cannabis as 'Working Class'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7447#post-20077
Wed, 30 Jun 2010 07:46:18 +0000dicky3720077@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>In a bid to 'better reflect the socioeconomic status of UK users', drugs such as marijuana, crack and speed will be classified 'Working Class', while substances such as cocaine will be 'Middle Class'...
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