Heraldo Villanueva-Garcia
is a mope. Reason No. 1: He’s so low on the criminal totem pole that he does car burglaries, which are slightly above failure to use a turn signal when it comes to skill. No. 2: He’s sooo dumb he calls the cops on his own scores…

Villanueva-Garcia and a 17-year-old kid decided to break into a car in Round Lake Beach, Illinois the other day. But the car’s owner saw the heist and decided to give chase.

So Villanueva-Garcia, being a few IQ points short of qualifying for a lesser community college, decided to call the cops, saying he was being chased by a menacing figure.

Moments later, the guy who got robbed called to say he was chasing two dickheads who just broke into his car. They just happened to fit Villanueva-Garcia and his junior partner’s description.

Villanueva-Garcia, 21, was nabbed and charged with felony burglary, assault, and failure to maintain any professional self-respect. The 17-year-old was charged with the same, in a addition to feloniously sucking at finding a mentor. (Special thanks to reader Joan for the tip.)