This week’s article was planning to be entitled “Great Moments of Being A Dick in World of Warcraft”. I had asked my readers to send in what they felt were significant moments in this game of being a righteous bastard, or at least when their lives were ruined by other players. The response I received was staggering – lots of people (which I thank) sent in their tales of total tumult and difficult douchebaggery.

Unfortunately a good majority of my emails, and I’m talking like 68 out of 84 of them, were anything but difficult. Having to read this many letters caused me more grief than any of their potential victims! I am not trying to insult my readership, but for the love of god how hard is it to be an original asshole? I want to delay that article for another time (please continue to send in your stories), and instead share with you some of the worst of what was sent in so far – a guideline on what not to submit, ever, to anyone.

That said, I give to you “Great Moments of Minor Inconvenience in World of Warcraft”.

I’m not sure if anyone else has sent this in, but I was the reason /split was put in the last emergency patch. I made 200 gold ripping off farmers and some people who wouldn’t let me in their last run to Molten Core. The best part? I didn’t break any rules 

Hey man, if you want to be a jerk, try /split. If someone types in /split 200000 It gives everyone in your party a part of that 20 gold they just divvied up. Keep tricking Pick Up groups, and you will have an epic mount in no time. Thank me later!

Three words Abraham: /split 3000000 gold. Made me a very successful dickhead.

I wanted to start by saying I do appreciate the eleven emails I got of how to /split gold and use it to my advantage. And while I do read the patch notes & understood that this feature was removed from the game last Thursday, it was splendid to receive nine of those said emails after said patch was released.

before Battlegrounds, PVE servers still offered good opportunities to be a dick, especially during the tumultuous 5 months it took me to get to level 60. One time, I was just exploring Hillsbrad Foothills at Dun Garok at level 30 or so. There was a party of 5 level 20 something Undead questing there (I don’t recall the exact numbers, and I’m too bitter at the overall experience now to bother looking up the exact numbers). They were fighting Elite Dwarf mobs there, and making good time. Being a dick, I decide to flag PVP, and use the in game physics lack of collision to run on top of the Elite mobs, in the hopes that one of the Undead party members would accidentally hit me. Sure enough they did, and combined with my Elite Dwarf friends, I proceed to make the group wipe, and wipe hard. Shortly after, they came back, but I hearthed back to SS.

Wow, talk about cruel. You totally exploited game mechanics and made that group of players spend five minutes walking back to their corpses. You know, the only thing that I dislike more than people who use cheats in game, are people that are idiots while using cheats in game. The moron that duplicates Gold, and uses it to purchase tabards & fireworks for his moron guild. The idiot that uses teleport hacks to show he can fly over peoples heads, at 6pm in Ironforge.

I understand the opportunity of “killing someone” outside of a Battleground on a PVE server is very exciting. However, watching an NPC slaughter a group of lowbies isn’t being a jerk. It’s barely annoying. Hell, why not send me an email explaining how someone in Gadgetzan attacked you, but then the goblins killed him? You do have Gadgetzan on PVE servers, right?

I play on the laughing skull server as a hunter. Often myself, a mage, and a warlock get bored and summon people levels 10-20 in to the arena in STV. Or to the bottum of the ocean (It's fun to see if they can get to the surface before they drown. Always bring snowballs). Occasionally we will pull some bullshit roleplay "You're the only one that can help us!" story out of our ass and then when they show up in the arena just 1 shot them and watch them try to get to a flight path.

I’ll admit that lying to people in general is a worthwhile persuit in any MMORPG, and especially on a Role-Playing server. I could see having a lot of fun making up some terribly gaudy backstory on why I must repeatedly kill the Bat Handler in Ashenvale. This being said, this jerk story (like many bad jerk stories) depends upon your victim being completely retarded of to how WoW works.

Most people who play by now understand how snowballs knock you over while you are in a group. Most people who play know that if they are corpse camped, they can log out and play another character, or go read the latest Lolicon Weekly or something. Most people know that what you are claiming to have done isn’t being a dickhead, its being a six year old diabetic nephew that keeps asking you to buy him a giant box of chocolate gummi worms.

Back in the old days before it got all fagged up, Ultima Online was the only grief game in town. Assholes from around the world gathered onto it's servers to kill, loot, steal, and grief at will. I was a member of a minor PK guild before the reputation patch and one of our members was out patrolling a local player run town looking for easy marks while we waited for the rest of the members to show up for a dungeon sweep. After killing a newbie miner, he was jumped by 3 Great Lords who quickly took him down. While running as a ghost back to the guild safe house to get ressed, he ca-

Wait, Ultima Online? You mean a game that wasn’t the game that this article is about? I appreciate you writing in a readable, intelligent format – it’s much too good for me & it exceeded my expectations. However, I had no idea what in the hell your essay on crashing a wedding was about. There were some things about plates and sewing supplies, and at one point I think I read something about players killing other players. Regardless, there are no plates in WoW, so I am calling you a phony.

Why not just submit to me your opinion on whatever David Thorpe wrote about last week? I’ll tell you: because our articles are clearly different & if someone wanted to write about that, they’d send it to the good doctor.

Just because you don’t understand Ollabelle or what gospel can do for the soul, doesn’t mean you can ruin what’s good about egalitarian music today. Did you even get permission to use the picture of their album cover? Or were you too busy with whatever racket you call MUSIC these days?

Open your heart and ears. Mary-Ann

Touche. In my defense however, I did get permission from this no-name band to use their bad-nomenclatured cover. Moving right along.

I'm particularly proud of an episode in a cave full of yeti's in Alterac Mountains. I was happily going about my business murdering the giant yeti bastards until a poncy little undead rogue shows up and sets about marking everything I'm about to hit and proceeding to /lol and /spit at me, good luck to him. I'm pretty sure he was enjoying himself until I feared his target into 6+ yetis and he got gang raped by a chain of love hungry furry giants. Well seen as I'm alliance he couldn't convey his annoyance fully using emotes so within a few minutes a level 1 night elf hunter called "Diediedie" was telling me to "DIE SLOWLY YUO F UCKING AS S HOLE". This cut me real deep and I was close to suicide but then I realised I just dont care, WoW gives me the opportunity to be a dick to people from a whole host of different countries and for this reason, I'll never stop.

I don’t understand why in your mind this would be even remotely considered a “dickhead move” – you defended yourself from another player that was messing with you on a Player vs Player server.

Here, let me share a story in the same vernacular –

“Man there was this guy and he kept killing my mobs – so I killed him by casting chain lightening…twice!!! He was hella pissed off, and he later tried to kill me – but I killed him instead. LOL. It just goes to show you that I’m no dope, and I’ll be killing other players until god himself nerfs my character.”

Diediedie, in his infinite wisdom, was really on to something – you need to stop, and as soon as possible. WoW is not your personal Special World Olympics, and even they don’t “compete” against one another.

i once found a list of all the GMs that play on my server and I sent them tells calling them fags and lesbens for a week until they banned my account. Fuck you and your bullshit nigger game Blizzard, EQ is where its at know.

You tell em, 420XyperFoxx69. Get them where it hurts the most: their wallets.

YO MAN I GOTTA SAY I LOVE THE ARTICLES. MAN YOU OUGHT TO RIGHT ABOUT THE JERKS AT BLIZZARD BECAUSE THEY MELTED PALADIN FACES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TIME TO MOVE THIS ONE OFF, AND UP OUT THOUGH SO I’LL SEE YOU ON THE FLIP, MAYBE CHIRP YOU IN GAME AND WE COULD ROLL UP AND SLAY SOME PUNK ASS TRASH. SHIT, WE MIGHT EVEN HAVE OURSELVES A RIDE BY EXCLAMATIONING.

SO IF ANY OF YALL THUGS WANNA BE UP IN MAH RIDE, HIT ME ON MY BLACKBERRY AT [email protected] AND WE DO A LITTLE SOMETHIN SOMETHIN. AIGHT? AIGHT.

CAYLEN BURROUGHS A K A NOTORIOUS A.B.E POWER ROLLER – BOCCE NATIONAL TEAM 06 SLAP HOS AND GO PRO

League of Legends has 600 characters and 11,000 skills. These are the only ones you need.

About This Column

"World of Warcraft" has been sucking in cash and fat peoples' souls like a Ghostbusters containment unit, so it only seemed appropriate that Something Awful start up a section devoted to such a noble game. The Art of Warcraft tackles all the hot button ingame issues, and much more!