It’s easy to spot drunk people. Look around you on any Friday night and you’re sure to find one just swaying (or crawling) their way home and singing “Why, why, why Delilah“.

Usually though, drunkenness spreads like a virus among the human race on special days like Christmas, New Year, Halloween and on occasions like birthdays, graduation parties – hell, even Holy Week!

But over the years, we, the slightly more intelligent species among the creatures that belong in the Class Mammalia, (Yes, I said “slightly”.Haha.) have invented more reasons to get wasted even on perfectly ordinary days.

Let me list down 10 of the gazillion reasons people use to get drunk:

1. Just got dumped by girlfriend/ boyfriend.

2. Just lost job.

3. Just got paid.

4. It’s the first day of class.

5. It’s the last day of class.

6. I just got my credit card bill.

7. It’s raining outside.

8. My annoying neighbor won’t shut up.

9. I’m bored.

10. I don’t really have an excuse, I just wanna get drunk.

Drinking can be fun, especially if you have good friends with you and the conversation, the laughter and the jokes just keep rolling. Not so sure about the morning after a drunken night though, but I hear a lot of people today exist because of it. LOL.

Whether my mom knows this or not (Though I really think she already does. If she doesn’t, I know she won’t freak out if she finds out), but I DO drink.

I started drinking when I was 18. Pretty late, considering most kids in the Philippines could easily buy a bottle of Red Horse from the store and chug it down like it was breastmilk , as the laws of under-age drinking and smoking in our country are pretty flimsy.

Anyway, so I have been drinking for quite some time now. There was a point in my life when I was hitting the bars with my friends 2-3 times a week. (Tiny voice says: Please don’t judge me :D )

And though I’m way past my “sleep-all-day, party-all-night” phase, I have learned quite a few things. My experience with drunkenness is not vast, but from what I have observed over the years, there are different kinds of drunk people and I have carefully categorized them for the sake of this blogpost.

As to whether or not the following info could be useful to anyone, I have no idea.

1. The Mad Chatter

Mad Chatters lose their communication filters when they get drunk. Ask them anything and they’ll tell you what’s on their mind with no hesitation. They can even tell you their deepest, darkest secrets, including their deep-seated feelings, which they would never reveal if they were sober.

2. The Hulk

The Hulk, we all know, is a famous Marvel character who likes smashing things and has a serious anger management issue. Sober, Hulks are probably harmless and reasonable people. Drunk, Hulks could be very dangerous. They are easily angered and are often the ringleaders of bar fights.

3. The Englishman

The Englishman are those people who turn out to be fluent English-speakers when they’re drunk. Their grammar and pronunciation become flawless. Their words are nothing short of poetic and they seem to develop an accent when they’re intoxicated with alcohol.

4. The Laugh Slut

The Laugh Slut is a term I got from an episode of How I Met Your Mother. These are the kind of people who would laugh at just about anything or anyone. They will laugh at your lamest jokes, the smallest change of expression in your face and even in perfectly mundane things like a chair, a strand of hair or a plate of potato chips.

5. The Hornet

You might know The Hornet as a kind of insect. But I’m talking about a different Hornet. These are people who can’t keep their sexual urges to themselves. When single Hornets find someone attractive, they would probably hook up with him/her regardless of physical appearance or emotional attachment. Hornets who are taken, however, simply find an excuse to go somewhere private with their boyfriends/ girlfriends.

6. The Peacemaker

The Peacemaker are those drunk people who are at peace with the world. When the alcohol kicks in, they find tranquility in their lives and they just go with the flow. They barely talk, are easily agreeable to anything and usually sit quietly in one corner until they fall asleep.

7. The Emo

The Emo are those drunk people who cry out of nowhere, with no particular reason under the influence of alcohol. Sometimes, there’s a logic to their crying but most of the time you will be puzzled how random party songs suddenly make them burst into tears.

Drunkenness or Alcohol intoxication occurs when a high level of ethanol (alcohol) enters a human being’s blood stream. It is a world-renowned un-inhibitor.

And the un in un-inhibitoris a prefix which means to “undo” (Ok. I just made that up. Haha.)

Nevertheless, the overall meaning of un-inhibitor is to FREE all restraints. Pull out all the stops between proper brain usage and idiocy.

So do not be surprised my friend, why after 2 shots of Tequila, you find yourself standing on top of the bar counter screaming: “I LOVE YOU, (Insert name here)! GOD, I LOVE YOU. WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME BACK?!”

Best case scenario: You will get kicked out of the bar. Worst case scenario: Your best friend recorded a video of you and uploaded it on Youtube.

So before you get drunk, kids, always remember the following:

1. Only drink with people whom you can trust.

2. If you’re bringing a car, always have a designated driver (someone sober who can drive you home).

3. Do not “drink and dial”. That means do not call your ex after getting drunk.

Let me close this blogpost by saying that drinking is fun when you know you’ve handled drunkenness superbly. That means, while drunk, you didn’t get hurt, didn’t hurt anyone, didn’t get thrown into jail or did something that you will regret for the rest of your life.

Remember: If you go out to get drunk, please take your brain with you.