Lost (literally) over my ex

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My ex boyfriend and I are really good friends so when he told me to meet him in the morning at the car shop I said I would. When I asked what time we were meeting and where the car shop was he said, “Robin, if you can’t come then you can’t come.” I knew he really meant, “you better be there or I will bring this up every chance I get.” In all fairness, he’d drive to Timbuktu for me. “Okay well I can come. I was just asking.” “You ask too many questions, but meet me at 10. It’s like fifteen minutes away. Or just follow me.” I couldn’t follow him so I said I’d meet him there, but by the time I left my phone only had 9% battery. I called him back. “Okay. My phone is dying soon, but I’m about to leave. Where do I get off?” “Dobbs AFB.” “Okay and do I have to get out of the car or is this just going to be quick.” “Quick.” “Okay because I’m wearing just like my glasses, a green cut off shirt, and-” “Robin, Robin, Robin you’ll look fine. Come on.” I changed and then said, “okay see you soon!’

But soon took two hours.

I did get off at Dobbs, but my phone died right after that. Luckily, I remembered the end address so I thought I can’t be far. I stopped at a Shell station. The two people working had no clue where Commerce Drive was, but the man behind me did. “Turn around. Go straight down this road and when you get to the light make a left. Go down the hill and you’ll see it.” I saw the light, but not the hill. After taking a scenic tour of downtown Marietta I stopped again. I walked into the Chevron and when the man didn’t know where Commerce Drive was I used his phone. It was like getting lost in the 80’s. I actually had to talk to people and ask them stuff. Ugh.

“Hey it’s me. I’m lost. Quick, how do I get there?”

“I don’t know!”

“Well how did you get there?”

“I typed it into my phone.”

“Well I don’t have a phone so tell me.”

“Why don’t you buy a car charger?”

“I live in New York.”

“Ooooh I live in New Yooork!”

“Hurry! Why don’t you give me directions? Ask!”

“I don’t know how to get you here.”

“Ask!”

“Everyone is away.”

“Really? Everyone?” (extreme sarcasm)

“Okay whatever just use your phone and tell me.”

“You should’ve just followed me.”

“You should’ve told me more than the exit.”

“Okay it’s off of South Cobb parkway.”

I ask the attendant if he knows where that is and he says yes. “But miss! You don’t know which way on South Cobb!” I waved my hand. “It’s okay. If it’s off of South Cobb I’ll find it!”

But I didn’t.

I rode up and down, but still no Commerce Drive. I started thinking about the last time I was in Marietta. It was on 7/7/7. My roommate from freshman year was in a wedding and I said I’d pick her up. The couple thought the date was lucky. After a year they got divorced. I passed by an Ihop and started thinking about the strawberry syrup. It was next to a Krispy Kreme and for a brief second I didn’t mind being lost. Then I passed by White Water water park and thought about the ecoli outbreak there. I thought about floating in circles around the lazy river. Then I looked at my gas tank and remembered I’d been riding around aimlessly. I asked a couple in the car next to me and they sent me in the wrong direction. The woman said it was by the Cobb Galleria, the man said it was right off the highway. The next woman said it was off Franklin road, but that turned out to be Commerce Avenue. She was close so I wasn’t that annoyed when I drove further out the way. The man in the Kroger truck didn’t know neither did the old lady with her dog or the 20something who turned down Lil Wayne when he saw me making roll down your window motions dramatically next to him. The song was great, his sense of direction was not. It became a game for me. I would look over and think he looks like he’d know or get ready to get lost again. At this point I thought his car would be ready and he’d be home by now, but I was finding Commerce Drive come hell or high water. I was more determined than annoyed. I wondered what the moral was. Don’t hang out with exes? Life is incomplete without a cellphone? Don’t trust strangers?

I pulled into a QuikTrip. I was glad I changed out of that green cut off shirt, but kept on my glasses. Something about glasses makes people look trustworthy. It took everything in me not to use an expletive. “Sir, please. Can you tell me where Commerce Drive is? I know I’m close.” “Commerce Drive. Hmm. Commeeeeerce Driiiiiive. I believe that is… Wait! Commmeeeerce Driiiiive.” Shit! (I thought it, I didn’t say it). The lady checking out chimed in, “Oh you’re really far away! Commerce Drive is off of Fulton Industrial in Atlanta. It will take a while.” “But I think I’m close.” “No you’re not. You’re far.” I asked for the phone.

“Yes Robin.”

“Don’t answer like that. You got me lost.”

“No this is really your fault. You talk on the phone too much and it always dies.” (Did I mention we are exes?)

“GET. UP. AND ASK THE MAN HOW. I. GET. THERE.” (I think I was breathing fire, but I’m not sure)

The third time wasn’t a charm, but the nine millionth time was. He told me it was off of Fairground and everyone in there knew where that was. I felt like I was crowdsourcing my way to the destination. Ten minutes later I was pulling into the car shop wondering if I should key his new car. There he was. Kicked back on a leather couch drinking Gatorade.

“I want to kill you.”

“I told you it was off of South Cobb.”

“No, IT wasn’t off of South Cobb, it was off of a STREET that was off of South Cobb. And putting speakers in your car is a waste of money anyway. The volume is loud enough. This isn’t Pimp My Ride”

“I think you shopping everyday is a waste of money. You have enough clothes. This isn’t Hollywood”

“You’re annoying.”

“So what? You’re annoying.”

We both burst out laughing. He spoke first. “Come on. I saw an Ihop next to a Krispy Kreme. I know you want Ihop and then a donut too.” Of course I did. How could I lie? My breakfasts always look more like desserts. “Remember that time we got into a wreck rushing to Krispy Kreme?” I remembered. “That’s probably my sixth favorite thing about you.” “What? That I love Krispy Kreme?” “What? No. You never give up on people.” I rolled my eyes and walked to the car. He couldn’t see me grinning.