Five Things to Do If Your Wedding Night Scares You

Of all the emails I’ve received, many have involved some sort of concern about the wedding night. These concerns include such fears as:

Will it hurt?

Will my husband be sensitive to how new this is to me?

Will my past sexual failures ruin my experience?

I have absolutely no idea what to expect.

Will I feel guilty afterward?

These are valid concerns and big questions. How we answer them, and how we go through life perceiving sex and marriage, can have a powerful effect on the quality of our relationships with our husbands (future or present).

Many young women dread their wedding night for several reasons:

They are insecure about their beauty and their husband’s reaction to it;

They are ignorant of the logistics of sex and therefore afraid;

They feel guilty over past failure, which leads to insecurity and fear;

They put excessive pressure on themselves to perform something which they know little about or only acquaint with past negative experiences (rape, abuse, or sexual immorality).

In this post, I’m going to outline five ways we can counter ‘wedding night phobia’ and give you girls a plan of action to make it something not to fear, but to embrace and look forward to!

My husband and I love to laugh, and our own wedding night ran into a few hiccups that helped break the tension. But we were also very intentional leading up to that moment, which made me anticipate the night with excitement, not fear. Below are five ways you can have that same intentionality about your own wedding night – and sexuality in general.

Educate yourself about sexuality.

With the church silent, parents unsure and the world loud, many young women enter their teens and twenties with very little working knowledge of sexuality. Not only do they have little comprehension of their own bodies, they are very limited in knowledge concerning what sex looks like in marriage. Rather than being taught that sex is a wonderful thing, having it described in the context of God’s design and being educated about the nature and details of sexuality, these girls piece together a sexual worldview from what clandestine sources they can find.

Because sex is considered ‘bad’, young women often find these sources in obscurity. Things hidden and forbidden are rarely good. So the authorities on sexuality become Cosmo magazine, romance novels, porn sites and rumors. When churches and parents are silent about sexuality, the world will always step in with a voice.

Regardless of your past education about sexuality, take this time as a young woman to educate yourself. Learn about your body as a woman: why God designed you the way He did. Learn about the male body, and the purpose of that design. Learn about what sex is biologically, emotionally, and spiritually. If you aren’t sure where to look, here are some good resources:

A poor sexual education often leads to fear. This fear is one of the biggest deterrents to a positive sexual experience. Fearful women are unable to relax, trust, and rest in the love of their husband. We must get beyond this fear to truly enjoy this first night, and part of conquering such a fear is a thorough sexual education. The above resources are extremely helpful in this.

It is true that for many women, sex is uncomfortable at first. But in rare cases is it painful, and the more we expect it to be painful, the more painful it will be! Tension and fear create an environment contrary to the atmosphere necessary for a good sexual experience. The more we educate ourselves on what to expect, learn how our bodies work, and accept that God created sex as a privilege and joy (not a duty or guilt-bearing ritual) the better our wedding night will be.

My husband and I were fortunate to have a premarital counselor who took a whole session discussing this with us. She also advised us to read and take on the honeymoon Intended for Pleasure, which was a phenomenal book in the first month of our marriage!

Many girls wonder if studying sex is ‘awakening love before it pleases’ (Song 8:4). But God designed sexuality. If God values sexuality (and He does, which is why He preserves it with marriage) He would not expect us to ignore it, demean it, or pretend it doesn’t exist until suddenly *POOF* you’re married, and your education begins now! But God would expect us to use that knowledge in an honorable way.

We can take captive sexual facts and thoughts for the purpose of education, or we can be taken captive by them for the purpose of lust. That line is a choice we have to make, and we must be vigilant. But we also must be educated about biblical sexuality in a culture which loves to twist the truth.

Talk about expectations.

The first point applies to all young women, but this point applies to those in serious (leading to marriage) dating relationships or those recently engaged. When having discussions of this nature, it is very important to understand that discussing sexuality with your man will bring you closer on every level. These discussions should be saved for close to engagement, as opposed to early in the relationship, to keep the order of intimacy from being ‘top heavy’ (too much too soon). I usually advise discussing this prior to engagement since sexual history and expectation can be deal breakers for certain people.

Be honest about what you’ve done, what you look forward to and what you are uncomfortable with. Like our worldview, our view on sexuality it often colored by our education and experience. In order to have a positive sexual relationship with our spouse, we have to be completely open. Great sex is built on great trust. Honesty is necessary. It might be hard; it might be awkward; it might be uncomfortable. But it is far better to lay the cards on the table now than to find these things out on your wedding night.

This is also an opportunity to communicate your fears or hesitancy to the man you are marrying. If these are not communicated to him, he may never know what makes you uncomfortable and may move too fast in the excitement of the wedding day and night. Help him understand your feelings and most loving, godly men will gladly alter their approach to calm the fears of their bride.

Remember: marital sex is a journey, not a destination. If you expect your wedding night to be Hollywood, you might be disappointed. And if you expect your wedding night to be painful, you will be tense. Neither of these extremes should be our expectation. Instead, expect to give your body freely to the man you love more than anyone else in the world, and expect him to love you back in the same way. You have nothing to prove except your adoration for the man you are committing to before Almighty God.

Accept God’s forgiveness.

Eventually I’m going to have an entire post on this topic. For now, understand that our inability to accept God’s forgiveness and our resistance to our Christ-won identity directly influences our perception of love and self-worth. If we have sinned sexually in the past but have repented of this sin to God (and to our husbands, if applicable), God’s grace has made us new! Why would we pick up a former identity and allow it to determine our sexual future?

By accepting who God says we are in Christ, we are able to confidently accept the love of our husbands. Insecurity cannot hold us down because we are secure in the love and grace of God. This gives us confidence in our bodies, which frees us to enjoy and accept the accolades of an enamored husband without disbelieving his love.

“Satan loves when we wallow in our failure. Focusing on failure destroys hope for change and reconciliation; so the longer he can keep our eyes fixed on our selves and our own inadequacy, the longer he can keep our eyes from the Cross and God’s redeeming grace. Christian girls have heard about grace so long they often cease to understand its application.”

The longer we focus on past sins and our own inadequacy, the less we will enjoy our wedding night. Focus on your CURRENT identity (as God’s beloved and the beloved of your man) and the adequacy Christ has given you, and be free to enjoy the sexuality He designed!

(And visit the post linked above to see what God says about our sins and His treatment of them in Christ.)

Don’t pressure yourself to perform.

One of the struggles we had in the first month of marriage was a (good-hearted) desire to please one another. We were so focused on the other person’s response, when we failed to get the response we expected, one or both of us would feel we had failed entirely. This discouraged us, which made us feel more like failures, which made the cycle continue.

Then I remembered something I read in Tim Keller’s book, The Meaning of Marriage. I don’t recall the direct quote, but Tim essentially said, “Don’t focus on performing for one another. Focus on loving one another as fully and completely as you can, serving one another in the bedroom, and the results will come naturally with time.”

This mentality changed everything. The truth is, my husband didn’t want me to ‘perform’. He just wanted to love me, and the same goes vice-versa.

This is another reason why discussing expectations is very important. When women go into marriage misunderstanding their husband’s heart and desires concerning sex, they often formulate conclusions based on worldly portrayals of ‘what men want’. These portrayals may be (and often are) nothing like the desires of their man! If we discuss these expectations prior to entering the bedroom, we will be much better prepared to serve one another sexually rather than putting on a three-ring circus of misguided effort.

Some girls worry about the wedding night so much that upon arrival, the tension makes their experience more painful than it would have been had they relaxed. Here is a truth: there is no reason to worry about sex when you are not in a relationship. Educate: yes. Worry: no. Why?

Because you do not yet know the man who will be your partner in marital sexuality! That intimate knowledge is the pivotal factor in a worry-free wedding night. It is the love and trust of godly marriage that emotionally and physically prepares us for our first sexual experience. When you love and trust a man implicitly, fear has little place in your heart. And for those in a relationship yet still worried, concentrate on why you love and trust your soon-to-be-husband. These same qualities are what make him trustworthy in the bedroom, too!

Embrace the excitement!

The quality of my sexual relationship with my husband is a reflection of the quality of my non-sexual relationship with my husband.

If we are bickering and bitter, I’m not going to desire intimacy with him! When our hearts our distant from one another, our bodies will not be as open to a sexual encounter. Mind and emotions are closely connected to the physical response of sexuality.

So if we worry about our wedding night, worry about how we look, worry about whether our husband will like us – we are inhibiting our own sexual experience! By trusting God’s plan, embracing our identity, and accepting our husband’s love we can jump wholeheartedly into all the excitement of marital sex.

It makes me sad that since the world talks the most about sex, the world has a monopoly on the fun of it. When I go lingerie shopping, sometimes I ask Jesus: “Do you think Josh would like this?” Because you know what – He smiles on sex done the right way!We get to enjoy it, look forward to it, delight in it, and most of all glory in the love of a godly man. And as we view sex as a positive, lovely, God-blessed experience, our excitement will translate to our husbands, who will be delighted that we enjoy them so much.

Sex is not bad. It is good. But like anything, it takes practice. Like I said before: for a first time, don’t expect Hollywood, and don’t expect disaster. Just expect to love and be loved.

And you know what God says about that?

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18)

Our Wedding Night Debacle

Finally, allow me to share my own wedding night story. I think it illustrates the principles we’ve discussed so far.

The day of our wedding, I was thrilled to put on the pretty lingerie I wore under my dress. I couldn’t wait for Josh to see me! After our wedding I was happy but tired, my corset was suffocating me, and I was more than ready to go somewhere quiet and take off my beautiful but asphyxiating wedding gown.

We arrived in the hotel room, decorated for us with candles and rose petals. The candles were the only light source, which I appreciated due to the newness of the whole experience.

Insert important fact: I was due for my cycle that day. I had prayed two things over my wedding: Dear God, please do not let it blizzard, and please do not let my period start on my wedding day. So far, so good.

Josh and I had waited until our wedding day to kiss, so the first part of the night was absolutely awesome. Kissing was new and exciting and intense, which made me feel more comfortable and at ease. Just as we were about to go about the next steps in the whole process, my husband (who is well acquainted with my monthly visitor) said the dreaded words: “Babe… I think you’re bleeding.”

“WHAAT!” I nearly screamed, bouncing back on the bed and frantically searching the sheets. Sure enough, there were dark spots on the bed. “This is disgusting!” I wailed, feeling utterly un-sexy in every possible way.

“We’re going to have to turn on the lights.” My husband said, reaching for the nightstand.

“Uh – um – do we have to?” Maybe in another life I would have been fine with looking great and wife-y in the searing light of a lamp, but certainly not now. Not sitting here in what looked like the remnants of a cannibalistic ritual.

“Yeah babe, we need to strip the bed if that’s the case. ” And FLICK! On went the lights. I slowly turned to look at the bed, preparing for a murder scene. Instead, the spots were… purple. We looked at each other.

“I don’t remember anything about purple spots in premarital counseling,” I murmured, forgetting for a moment that my husband and I were more vulnerable with each other than we had ever been. But he was so puzzled and amused, he wasn’t even looking at me.

“Babe – the rose petals made these marks! You’re not bleeding after all.” I looked again, and sure enough! The rose petals had gotten crushed in the tussle. Who knew red roses left purple marks?! We started laughing, the kind of laugh that breaks all tension.

That’s probably a lot more than you ever wanted to know about my life, but it should serve as an illustration that the wedding night is as individual as the couple within it.

Be reassured: God-centered marriage and a God-centered wedding night is a place devoid of fear. (Even when it includes rose petals and purple spots.)

Reader Interactions

Comments

I’ve just stumbled upon this article today. I am not engaged or even dating, but the thought of the wedding night sends me into a panic regardless. I do not believe I was ever abused as a child, so I think I can rule that out; instead, I think it’s exactly what you said–complete lack of information! I was raised in a household where sex was a forbidden word. My parents never talked about it or told me about it. My mother barely even told me about periods and puberty. Even when I got older, I was essentially left to my own devices. Unfortunately, trying to self-educate about sex took some definite wrong turns that seemed only to increase the mystery and fear of it. I’m comforted and enlightened by the encouragement in this blog. Thank you.

I am learning that another option is not to have sex on your wedding night. I am not saying this is a requirement – just simply another option. I think about how God formed Eve from Adam’s rib. But it wasn’t until “later” in Genesis 4:1 that they came together sexually. The sex did not happen on that first night of them being husband and wife.
It may take growing more in intimacy together as a couple before coming together sexually.

Thank you so much, Phylicia. I practically feel tears in my eyes going through your posts. The beauty that exudes from you(your posts), leaves me pleading to God never to leave my life the same. He indeed has made you BEAUTIFUL! Every post i have read so far addresses questions that I have pondered over and asked the Lord for answers to. He indeed works in mysterious ways, to think that I just came across your blog for the first time yesterday… I’m just speechless… Thank you once again. May God bless you!

thank you so much this has changed my perception alot more. my wedding is actually exactly two weeks from to date and am still intact and very virgin. am so happy to land on this post of the virgin diaries, i look forward to a beautiful honeymoon

My limited knowledge of sex before I got married mainly came from 9th grade animal science! I knew sex was supposed to be a good thing saved for marriage, but I began to worry about the wedding night when we were close to actually getting there. I had no idea how to “do” sex. Our honeymoon night was at the resort my husband worked at that time in a tent in the woods very near other tents. We were a mile from his parents’ house, where we lived for some time. We had nothing to sleep on but the thin tent floor itself, not even a blanket. Yes, fear made me tense. I was hurting, trying to be very quiet because others were around, and upset at myself for not being able to have sex right. My husband was very understanding, though. It took me a very long time to enjoy sex. In fact, I am still not completely comfortable after nearly 5 years of marriage. I wish I had been more prepared prior to marriage, but I am thankful for what I’ve learned over time. Marriage is full of learning and growing.

I dont think i have read any article this simple, straight from the heart and insightful. You make everything look very easy! unlike what we hear around. Thanks a lot and thanks a lot for also sharing your experience it really helped! God bless you!

I came across this post looking for resources on overcoming fear of sex due to negative experiences. Do you have a direction I can go in for that?

I was molested at age seven by my best friend’s father. I was bullied in high school due to being significantly taller and more shy than any other girl in my class.

My father, may he rest in peace, loved me very much (as I can see now), but he demanded a lot of me in terms of achieving high standards in school. He tried to cure me once of talking with my hands by having me sit on them. He nagged me constantly about being careful with money. The last few years of his life he nagged me quite a lot about losing weight.

My mother, may she rest in peace, loved me very much (as I have always been able to see), but she could never quite get over her unhappiness with my posture. She flat-out asked me once in high school why I didn’t like boys (who bully me . . . hmmm, wonder why you can’t figure that out.)

I’ve had crushes, experienced unrequited love, gone on dates. I have, by God’s grace, developed what I would call good male friends. College was good for that.

But I”ve also been rejected, even called crazy for trying to make a relationship work (and in retrospect that was justified . . . I was out of my mind for thinking it would work).

And through it all, I have never been able to stop worrying about sex. Not the mechanics. Lord knows I know all about that, having gone through a phase of thinking that my problem was lack of education.

But I am terrified of experiencing what I went through in my younger years. The experience of trusting someone who completely overpowers you, reduces you to feelings of helplessness and worthlessness, threatens to make your life miserable if you tell anyone, and then completely rejects you and ignores you as if you aren’t human.

Pretty strong, and something I have realized I probably need counseling for. But in the meantime, what is there for me to focus on, think on, try to own as an antidote to years of bad thinking?

I know that sex, as designed by God and experienced in marriage, is a good thing. But my head can shout that all day long, and my heart still says, “You’re lying.”

I think the best way to deal with the fear of sex due to negative experience is to deal with fear itself. Satan loves to use our past experiences – even nonsexual ones – to plant distrust and doubt in our hearts. Since trust is the foundation of great marriage and thus great sex, if he can remove your foundation of trust, the enemy knows he can damage your future sexual relationship. So by consistently praying against fear and perhaps getting counseling for this area, I believe you will be able to move forward in a future relationship without fear of sex.

Remember too that you get to choose who you date and marry, and since you might not know that person yet, you don’t have that trust relationship that removes fear. Once you meet that person, their character will help dispel the fear you feel. Trust and love exist where fear has been dispelled. Since God is the epitome of love and faithfulness, He is the answer to all issues of fear!

My ebook on pregnancy actually talks a lot about praying against fear. It’s free if you sign up on the sidebar, and while you might not think it relevant at the time, it may have some helpful concepts.

Im not sure how old this post is….
But I understand you. I haven’t had abuse physically but my nridesmaid has and two cery close family friends. Because this is
Something someone has done to you, I understand thst fear is there. Just know that
There is hope abd Christ is the only answer.
First of all, God will judge that man according to what he has done. Biblically he is the one who had to make himself right with you yes. It is good to have a willing heart to forgive yes. But because of emotional damage the only one who can take that fear away and replace it with joy overfilling is the Lord. There are honourable men out there. And Gods intention for intimacy is joyful for both and not possessive or controlling. Its, much rather gentleness, peaceful, honest, and thats why it’s important to date before marriage and keep yourself and get to know a guy well. But God answers our prayers. So ignore what the world says. Im a virgin and my fiance isnt. He made some bad decisions but he is now a christian. And very honourable. He feels clean and I telk him he is. Because of that I have been nervous about expectation. And months of talks and sometimes upset about things, I can’t focus on the past and will I measure up sorta thing. Communication is so key!
Yes these conversations are important to come up. The only thing I can tell you is that the Lord will meet this need. He is NOT a man that may lie or sin. He is the same. And when He says to trust in Him and He will meet needs, count on him. And hope against any doubting thought. Cut those down.
A beautiful relationship you can have and I pray that you may heal. Healing in every way. Across the world wherever you are, the Lord is able. I trust my fiance and love him dearly, im only nervous about getting my period on that night lol. Its so late! Because of stress. So if I can assure you that there are women who have your stories, you are not alone but able to be strong in Christ. And may you also not be naive if you are, but confidence in yourself but in Christ. His character…… The best friend you will ever have who is acquainted with our griefs. Maybe doesn’t understand intimacy, or periods etc etc, But a man is supposed to live a woman as Christ loves the church…. That is very beautiful. He was rejected by his whole village… These things bring to Him. And may the peace of God rest in your life.

Oh my gosh!! Thank you so so so SO much! I know this is an old post, but it still helped me so much! I am getting towards that stage in my life when I’m thinking about marriage (And expecting to be engaged soon 🙂 And I’ve been so worried about so many things! At first I was terrified of the idea of the wedding night! Although I knew it was supposed to be good, I had no education and no one to ask or discuss my insecurities with. And then after reading one of your other posts, I finally started to relax, and even look forward to the idea of the wedding night. But still certain aspects scared me, especially worrying about getting pregnant right away (which I know will change my body a lot, and I really wanted time to get to know my husband and settle a bit before the blessing of children) or what seemed to be worse! Scheduling the wedding at the wrong time of month! I’ve even started tracking my periods thinking that the first part of my wedding planning would be to make sure it’s not during “That” time 😉 Your posts are so amazing though and so encouraging! I want to share them with all the young girls my age as I feel like this is such a needed but unspoken topic amongst young women. I have never met you, but it truly feels as though you’re my Godly mentor! :’) Thank you so much for being willing to discuss these thing, and let God use you in these difficult areas. You have made a wonderful impact on my life, and made marriage seem a THOUSAND times better, and something that is truly God-designed.

Hello Anna! I am so glad you were blessed by this post and it answered some of your questions. Many girls are like you, in that they do not know a whole lot about what sex can look like in a Christian marriage. And it’s a wonderful thing, I promise! It just takes practice, like any good thing. If you have questions about all the different birth control options, I have posts on that topic as well. Blessings on your relationship 🙂

I found your site through pinterest and i have started reading some of your posts. I love it!!! These are exactly what I needed! I have been in my first serious relationship since January and these type of questions have been on my mind lately. Thank you for your openness and honestly about such a sensitive subject! I am very shy and have hard time talking to even my mom about this.

I do have a question for you though…my boyfriend, Brock, was in a relationship about 3 years ago and they were pretty serious. They held hands and kissed but he broke up with her in his junior year of college. When we started dating he told me all about it and explained as far as they went was kiss but I still feel almost some jealousy toward the other girl. (I am saving my first kiss for my wedding day) I see her in church (she is married now) and can’t help but feel some jealousy and resentment toward her that the specialness of his first kiss has already been taken away. Am I just overreacting and being a jealous girlfriend or is this something that’s normal to feel? I would appreciate your thoughts 🙂

Jordan, I am glad you like the blog! Always glad to have readers pop over from Pinterest 🙂

It is understandable to feel some jealousy for not having your boyfriend’s first kiss, but that is something you will need to let go if you hope to continue your relationship, especially into marriage. Those kinds of feelings can quickly escalate into resentment and insecurity, which will undermine the freedom of marital sexuality. Satan uses thoughts like those to drive a wedge between couples who are trying to establish a God-honoring, unified relationship, so take them captive in Christ and put them behind you. If your boyfriend has been honest with you and has put all of this behind him, there is nothing to hold onto. Additionally, he won’t be comparing kisses if you eventually do get married. As my own husband said – “it may not be the first time, but it’s my first time with YOU.” That’s what matters. I hope that helps!

I think there needs to be more available to conservative girls regarding the physiology of not just the wedding night, but sex in marriage as a whole. I have a whole lot of details I will spare you from, but I saved myself for marriage, was excited about finding an amazing, Godly husband who cares about pleasing me as much as I care to please him. However, I found myself for years too self conscious about my own body to make myself completely vulnerable. I got married not understanding anything about how women can enjoy sex past the excitement of the honeymoon phase. I don’t mean self conscious regarding weight or body shape…I mean literally just the intimate parts of my body being explored was terrifying for me. Despite being told the opposite, I couldn’t get past feeling gross outside of traditional intercourse, etc. That’s not how God designed us. It can be so much more if we are taught to trust, as you said. One of the things that was hard for me to wrap my head around was Jesus being the center of our relationship and not imagining him in the room with us (laughing to self). It was almost like feeling my parents were there. I just think there are a lot of things that we don’t just not talk about, we never have the opportunity to ask about without being or feeling judged before we’re married. Then once you’re married, you don’t want to be labeled as anything but the perfect wife, so you don’t want to ask then, either, ugh. Awkward! I think girls need to have more available to them besides just books without feeling like they are “dirty” for wanting to know things.

Megan, definitely true. More parents should honestly be having this conversation from an earlier age. The book Intended for Pleasure was very helpful to me on the physiology of these things, and we brought it on our honeymoon. God made the body and all of it is beautiful and has a purpose – within marriage! Being comfortable in our own skin is part of a healthy sex life post-wedding.

I’m so glad that there are blogs out there for women who are saving sex until their Christian wedding night! I was a virgin when I got married, so I know there’s not a lot of information out there.
Lots of women struggle with intercourse on their wedding night and throughout their marriage. That can be an awful burden for a couple. God wants healthy marriages, and he created sex to be a part of that.
Most of the time, all it takes is a little education on how to have a pleasurable experience, and what to expect. I just love marriage, and love being a wife. I want all wives to experience the best of it. Keep up the good work! Thanks for helping all the virgin and abstinent brides out there!http://bit.ly/ChristianWeddingNight

Hey! Love these posts 🙂 I also blog, primarily with the focus of getting my fellow Gen. Y’ers to ask hard questions, and take faith seriously and personally. This summer I did several blog posts concerning feminism, modesty, and boundaries within friendships and relationships. I’m so excited to have found your blog, as this is what I’ve been thinking of lately! Especially since I’m getting married next summer 🙂 Thank you for addressing these issues, being real, being encouraging, and trying so hard to help your fellow Christian women. If you’re all right with it, I’d love to share some of these posts on my blog’s facebook page, as well as potentially quote you in a post. My fiance and I are both virgins, but have both struggled with mental/physical sexual sins. The process of forgiving each other, and beginning to prepare for our marriage has been incredibly healing, and I thank God everyday for His crazy grace! Seriously, just thank you.

Thank you so much for writing and sharing this post Phylicia. I came across your blog through the “To the girls in in the bench in front of me” post, and have really enjoyed and appreciated this Virgin diaries series as I am to be married later this year. Sex has always been one of the less spoken of things in my family, and I realize now that I perceived it as being “bad.” Yes, it was a good thing in marriage, but it was something you should not look up or discuss much prior because it was sinful outside of it, so we just avoided all things related to it because I obviously wasn’t married yet……
So, in short, appreciating your posts! They have helped settle many questions for me, and pointed me in the right direction for further research, because I really am looking forward to my wedding night and I want to enjoy it and the love from my husband. Blessings to you!

Hi Phylicia! I came across your blog by reading the post you put up in response to the person names Sam (I don’t remember the name of her post!) from Facebook! It was so good that I showed it to my mom! For some time I have been too afraid to ask these questions, but knowing that I’m not the only one struggling with it helped me open up about them to my mom, and she was actually thinking the same thing, but did not want to push me into asking questions. So I just want to say that I very much so appreciate “The Other Virgin Diaries” and I look forward to reading the rest, and showing them to my friends who feel the same way as me!

I feel that I really needed this. I turned 18 about 6 months ago and have never been in a relationship, however my wedding night is still something that I often think about and sometimes it causes me to worry! I really related when you spoke about worrying about what your husband will think of you because your underestimate your beauty, not knowing much and so therefore stressing about it and thinking you have to perform. I found real benefit in this post; thanks a heap for sharing. I’ll continue to pray that God works through me regarding this topic, so that when the time comes I would see the whole topic the way God intended it to be. 🙂 Can’t wait to see what’s coming up next in the series! <3

Thanks so much for this, Phy! It’s so refreshing and so helpful to get a godly perspective on these issues, which as you said, the world completely monopolizes. Massively encouraged by you and your blog 🙂 And so thankful to our Father who has given you the opportunity to speak about this!

Haha, this down-to-earth approach is great. Girls really do think about this stuff even way before they need to. Ever since I hit puberty as a young teen I thought, “wouldn’t it be awful to get your cycle the day you get married?” I determined then that if I ever got engaged that would be one of the first things I would pray wouldn’t happen. So funny.

I came across your blog a week or so ago, and have been going back and reading your past posts since then. There’s so many things I can relate to that you talk about, just having gotten married in March, at 22. One of the first things I did when I got home this morning, was look to see if you had posted again! I’ve started sharing your posts with some of the younger girls I’ve worked with at Church. I hope they are encouraged, and know that there are women who’ve walked where they are now, and can help them navigate that road.
(Aunt Flo was also still visiting me on my wedding night, and then I woke up at 3 in the morning with some kind of stomach bug. What a way to start my honeymoon!)
Laughing when things are awkward, or not working “right” is the best way to deal with it, even 5 months later!

Wency, we have a lot in common, then – I got married in February! I am so glad you enjoy what you’ve found here. It can be difficult to be this transparent, but I feel it is more helpful for girls to know what I have gone through and what I am going through than to speak in generalities.

And I had Aunt Flo the whole honeymoon… followed by a UTI. I feel thy pain! 😉

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Overcomers gather here. I'm Phylicia, and I believe in abundant life, practically. In singleness or marriage, work or home, we don't have to live in defeat! Join me to learn how to apply God's Word and preach the gospel with your life. View Full Profile

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Live Lust Free!

My 7-day Lust Free Living email course helps women jump-start their journey to freedom. You'll get a week of practical, biblical advice straight to your inbox, and each day builds on the last, giving you the tools to defeat sexual sin and addiction.

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