I started “habitually and compulsively” watching pornography or blue films as it is popularly called and engaging in sex when I stumbled across pornography at 13 years old. At first, I was appalled, but by the time I saw it over and over again, as violent and degrading as it was, I began to see it as love. The two people on the screen are being intimate. I began to imagine myself in the scene as opposed to standing outside of it looking in. I was stimulated by the fantasy of being that woman in the video and I began to try out what I watched.

I view online pornography everyday for half an hour or more at a time, and I have done this on multiple occasions and have felt “out of control” with sex, sexting and masturbation. I have had sex with about 57 men and none of my relationship ever lasted for more than a month. Simple things like a guy’s hairy chest or the outline of his trousers can trigger intense sexual desires in my head and at times masturbate five or six times a day. It is that bad. I am 43 and unmarried and I really don’t know who will marry me. I have had four abortions and I have had to treat myself 5 times for severe sexual transmitted disease.

All in all, I suffer severe depression and know I would have remained a virgin till marriage but for the availability of online pornography. Pornography has almost ruined my life and yet it is everywhere. It used to be sold discreetly behind the counter or some obscure bookshops, now, millions of websites are offering the most depraved hardcore graphic and lurid sex scenes a click away on any smartphone with internet connection bringing in its wake an unprecedented obsession with sex building up some brutal and unattainable sexual desires which guarantee that they easily succumb any temptation to have sex with almost anybody. Actually, if you are watching pornography, you don’t need a guy to tempt you into having sex. You are practically going to be begging for it.

I recently came across the video of Oghosa Ovienrioba Speaks on how she got addicted to porn at 14 and her work helping others to kick the habit.

She says, “Lots of people don’t think girls can suffer a porn addiction but it’s a problem for both sexes. I hope I can help others out there – talking about your problem is the first step.’

‘I was 14 years old when I went to find porn on the internet. It was out of curiosity and it was just a simple Google search for me to get hold of an adult movie.‘When I first watched it, my reaction was shock. But gradually over time, that shock becomes excitement and I would use any porn that I could get my hands on.’

‘I was watching it so much that I started to get bored by the “normal” soft porn movies.

‘I wasn’t getting the buzz that I felt when I first saw it – in fact I was almost desensitized to that content.

‘I went from watching soft pornography to dodgier stuff to get the kick I needed.’

‘For a period of two to three years, I was watching porn on a daily basis and sometimes masturbating over six times per day. It was all I could think about.’

‘I didn’t see people as people anymore – they were just sex objects to me.

‘The simplest things could set me off such as a girl unbuttoning her blouse or a boy taking his top off. Everything made me want more.

‘I would sit in my room alone for hours, with the lights off, watching porn. I felt lonely and ashamed of myself.’

Please watch her talk about her porn addiction in the 10 min video below

It is not just her, many guys wish they could stop right now but the urge to watch porn and masturbate are just too much for them Read

To understand harm watching pornography does to your brain, please download and read the Porn Circuit

Although much attention is focused on helping men break free from pornography addictions, ministries are rising up to help women find deliverance from this bondage. Beggar’s Daughter, Bethesda Workshops and Dirty Girls Ministries, among others, are offering God’s grace to women trapped in sexual sin. If you or a woman you know is addicted to pornography, I urge you to seek help.

Dating is a process through which a guy and a girl come to marry. A couple setting out on a date should know 17 things:

1) As between almost any couple (guy and a girl), there is a natural PHYSICAL SEXUAL attraction. Those starting out on a date should know: we are such a couple. – A sexual attraction is not sufficient foundation on which to build a marriage.

2) For a marriage what is needed is a MARITAL ATTRACTION – which can only develop and be discovered gradually

3) Therefore, the important issue is not, are we a couple who are sexually attracted to one another (this may easily happen), but are we a couple capable of developing a relationship that cements into a life-union?

4) Precisely because the sex desire is easily awakened and easily grows in intensity, it must be recognized for what it is and treated firmly, keeping it in its place. If given rein, it grows; a couple can feel strongly sexually drawn to one another as if they were deeply in love; but if they marry just based on that, it may not last; for they never gave love a chance to grow.

5) Love between a guy and a girl, if deep and genuine, normally develops into a desire for UNION IN BOTH BODY AND SOUL. Ideally these two aspects – LOVE OF BODY and LOVE OF SOUL – should be in harmony; in practice they often are not.

6) If the bodily love is let assert itself too much, the love soul may be arrested or even destroyed. The natural physical instinct of love is to want to possess the body: its natural spiritual instinct is to want to respect the person. Thu, LOVE, if it is true, quickly senses the danger latent in a touch or a caress, and refrains; or cuts the physical act short once it realizes that what perhaps began as a simple expression of affection is quickly turning into a powerful desire for egoistic self-satisfaction.

7) If an incipient sexual attraction between a guy and a girl is to lead on to and mature into a marriage with a real promise of happiness to it, the couple need to ensure that the sexual desires – always present and, let us repeat, in itself inclined to quick sex acts- is not let get ahead of the marital decision by which a guy and a girl make a complete surrender of themselves, in body and in person, to one another, so forming a union capable of fulfilling all the human meaning of sexuality.

8) To give one’s body without giving one’s self is to turn one’s sexuality into a lie; it is to deceive another, and or to be deceived by him or her, in the very truth that human love demands. To give oneself, temporarily, in and with one’s body, is not really to give but just to lend. Nothing is actually given, unless it is totally given – for keeps. To “lend” oneself, in the sexual use of one’s body, is to degrade the dignity of self, of body, and of sexuality.

9) So, in passing from friendship to love to engagement, on the way that leads to marriage, it is important to bear in mind that certain gestures have different meanings in themselves, and that even the same sign can be made to express different attitudes or emotions. A handshake can be cold or warm; an artificially warm handshake tends to introduce an element of insincerity into a relationship.

A kiss between lovers is seldom less than warm; all the more reason for those who are not yet married but both love and wish to respect each other, not to permit an expression of affection that in itself signifies (or can lead on to) a greater and more total dedication than their present mutual situation warrants. If each is fully sincere with himself or herself and equally so with the other, it will be easier to recognize what is adequate – or not – to the situation in which they find themselves; what is a true expression of their love as it presently exists not just in feeling but in actual personal commitment based on mutual respect, and what would be a false expression, because it seeks to take all it can get without being definitively prepared and pledged to give all it can give.

10) Firmness and quickness on the part of either one of the couple in cutting short something that they sense will lead to sex, which is self-seeking, is a deep sign of respect for the other. Rather than a refusal to express love, it is an expression of love. The opposite can be an expression of simple selfishness.

11) When two unmarried persons allow the physical attraction between them to find its outlet in sexual intercourse – in other words, in what of its nature is a marital act – then they are either “playing at being married” (play-acting which has a disastrous effect on the real thing if it comes), or else they are simply reducing the sexual act itself – which is humanly meant to be a sign of total, enduring and unconditional self-surrender – to a mere (though perhaps more intense) expression of what is as yet but a temporary and uncommitted affection. In either case they have already ensured that their physical union with the person whom they may eventually marry can never be experienced as what it is designed to be: a unique act shared only with the spouse for whom one has kept oneself, and with whom now at last one experiences a union never before known.

12) The spousal love of an engaged person is meant to have a virginal consummation. Only those who endeavor to come to marriage as virgins can experience the truly singular joy of marital donation. This is the positive meaning and value of virginity: to keep oneself so as to give, to have something unique to give, in a gift that is given only to a spouse. Hence derives the whole concept and value of spousal fidelity.

13) If a person wants to give himself, he must first possess that self. Self-possession is not shown by promptness of feelings or strength of desire, but by self-control. A feeling towards another person is seldom to be trusted – and the other person should seldom trust its expressions – unless it has been checked and confirmed by both mind and will.

14) Pre-marital chastity is the consequence of realizing that the sexual attraction is a delicate and precious reality that must be treated with the utmost care. Carelessness, heedlessness, is a sign of immaturity and can lead to the ruin of that is precious in that relationship.

15) The passage from friendship to attraction, from attraction to engagement, from engagement to wedding, is the gradual transition – which only in its last stage becomes definitive – from “you and I” to “us”. The “we” of a married couple is something unique – a “we” that can almost be conjugated in the singular.

The marital instinct tends towards an interpersonal donation and acceptance of a quite singular nature: a privileged and committed choice of a “partner” in a common life enterprise where each spouse “belongs” in a unique way to the other. The donation is mutual, and implies mutual acceptance. Mutual gift and acceptance are of the essence of the marital covenant” (Guy and Values)

16) Dating is the time not so much for enjoying sex, as for discovering love: to discover the extent and depth of love; and the capacity of each one to love. If it is the time to discover love, it is also the time to discover defects because marriage always involves loving a defective person; rather it involves two defective persons loving each other. It is the time to discover and know each other’s weak and selfish points.

It is so important to know one’s defects:

– one’s own

– his or hers

17) The best way of being able to judge a defective person’s capacity for living unitedly and lovingly with another defective person, is to get to know how they behave in their present family: towards parents, brothers and sisters. If they are bears in their present family, they will equally bears in the one they form in the future.

Defects are inevitable. The fact of defects is no argument against marriage, as long as a person is prepared to fight to be generous.

“Incompatibility”; a very relative concept. Two persons each with a quick temper can have a very close and happy married relationship, provided they are prepared to constantly make up.

My boyfriend and I did not wait until marriage before sex. Then came our wedding day and I suddenly wished that we had. Yeah, I got a little emotional because I did not want our wedding night to be just one more night; I wanted it to be special.

I tried cutting off sex a few months before the wedding, so we can “wait” until the big day and then start having sex again but when I overhead my boyfriend gripping to his guys, “She’s making me wait now! She says no more sex until the wedding. Ugh.” I had to give in to stop the whining.

If you asked me to explain, I can tell that it just feels right that the crowing of the beginning of our life-long- commitment with each other should be marked by a unique act, an act of self-giving performed for the first time as a symbol, a memorial. It should have been our first time of having sex. All the overwhelming emotions, passions and crushing tenderness we poured into our first sex was “stolen” from our wedding night. I remember with tenderness our first sex, but I dread the memories of our wedding night, it fills me with pain.

We should have waited for that night to have sex for the first time

Because we’ve already been having sex, and living together for years, our wedding night was nothing new. It was just a night of disappointment, an anti climax. It could have been any of the many nights we had sex after a night out with the boys. My boyfriend turned husband was unusually drunk and the quick jerky entanglement we had just before he passed out was one of the worst memories in my life.

Thus, though our wedding day is beautiful, the food was good; yet we had no sense of mystery or of expectation. There was no magic in air for us. We had no sense of anticipation or of discovery. Rather, we felt our wedding was just mere legalities. It didn’t change anything. It did not mark the end of one era and beginning of new. It was just a fancy public celebration of the lifestyle that was already living. Our wedding night—-we did not start a new life — we simply went back to the exact same life.

My best friend Lisa waited her whole life without having sex until her wedding night and she would forever talk about it. It was spectacularly more special and meaningful than mine — with totally off-the-charts specialness.

I tell my daughter to wait, “Your wedding day and night will be everything every Hallmark card, every romance novel, every poem, every religious text, and every little girl’s fantasy as a wedding should be.” I tell her.

“All of the symbolism — turning from two lives into one, owning each other in every way, making a commitment with body and soul — will be physically real to you and present throughout your wedding day and night.”

“Others will reach their wedding day and find themselves thinking “Sigh…I kind of wish we had waited”. You will reach your wedding day and think “I’m so glad we waited!”

Twenty-nine-year-old Mandy Dobbelmann is a Minnesota native who lives in Los Angeles, CA. Mandy is a singer/songwriter, music teacher, blogger, and justice-fighter who is passionate about the issues of sex trafficking, prostitution, and abortion.
I stumbled upon an article Mandy wrote,”Keeping Sex Complicated,” for her blog,”Forte e Bello.” The title of her blog post made me curious, and since it was floating around my Facebook feed, I decided to read it. I’m thankful I did.

Mandy has a striking physical beauty paired with a loving heart that exudes vibrant joy, hope, and faith. In her article, Mandy tells her readers what it’s like to live in a city where sex appeal is everything and sexual addiction prevails, and where your sexual history is directly correlated with your identity.

Mandy writes:

I live in a city that is the porn capital of the world and that teaches the rest of culture through the influence of Hollywood and the media that sex is easy, uncomplicated and nothing more than a human appetite. Since I’ve moved to LA, the most common reaction I get from friends and coworkers when they find out I’m a virgin is a blank stare followed by an abrupt, ‘Why?’ I realize most people assume there must be something wrong with anyone who is still a virgin past the age of twenty. It’s the type of thing they’ll interview you on Oprah for (The Thirty Year Old Virgin) or make a comedy about (The Forty Year Old Virgin). It’s the type of thing people hide in shame over and vehemently deny in the face of peer pressure.
Mandy’s right in her assessment of the times. Being a virgin past adolescence in 2014 is not an easy thing. College campuses offer the morning-after pill in vending machines, sexually provocative dances like “twerking” are all the rage, and people dare to sell their virginity for cash.

In the midst of all of this, Mandy is unashamed to share her views on sex. Mandy wants others to know she’s a virgin not because she’s sheltered or mentally askew. Rather, she believes that sex is valuable. Her Christian faith teaches her she’s made in the image of God, and she refuses to become one with a man who hasn’t made a life commitment to her. In her own words, she says, “I’m a virgin because I am a passionate proponent of keeping the sanctity, beauty and value in sex”.

Mandy makes it clear that her virgin status in no way makes her more valuable than the person who has had many partners. She isn’t saying that those who engage in sex outside marriage don’t value themselves. Mandy is declaring that the reason she chooses to wait is that she views sex as a beautiful, powerful, and binding act. Mandy sees sex as complicated, not just a casual act.

She writes:

Our culture tries to un-complicate sex by advocating to, “do it often and with multiple partners.” We try to un-complicate sex by dumbing it down to a mere appetite. Even if it were a mere appetite then a good majority of our culture could be classified as sexually obese. Let’s face it. Sex is complicated. It is the driving force of many people’s lives. And they will loose all human reason to indulge in it for a fleeting second. Sex is powerful. It has the power to bind together or tear apart. It has the power to heal or destroy. It has the power to build up or tear down. It has the power to give or to take. It has the power to mar or to make beautiful.
I admire Mandy’s stand. As a 32-year-old virgin who’s happily getting married this summer, I know how challenging it can be to save sex for marriage. As a woman who works at a pregnancy resource center, I also see the damaging effects of sex outside marriage. Sex is meant to be a holistic experience that touches our minds, bodies, souls, and emotions. It’s more than just a pleasure; it’s a pleasure that comes with great responsibility.

A 2010 study called “RELATE” interviewed 2,035 married participants who waited until marriage to have sex. The study found that people who delayed sex till marriage

rated sexual quality 15% higher than people who had premarital sex
rated relationship stability as 22% higher
rated satisfaction with their relationships 20% higher
Not to mention that abstinence is the only 100% effective way to avoid STDs and pregnancy. Delaying sex ’til marriage is a healthy, responsible, and affirming life choice. I support Mandy in her decision and applaud others who are following the same example.

LifeNews Note: Christinia Martin writes for Live Action News. Martin has been a pro-life voice for eight years. Her work began after her mother confessed she paid a doctor to abort her, but walked out before he could. Knowing she was saved from death, she wanted to fight for others.

What teenage girl doesn’t want to be attractive, sought-after and popular? And what mom doesn’t want to help that cause?

In the pale-turquoise ladies’ room, they congregate in front of the mirror, re-applying mascara and lip gloss, brushing their hair, straightening panty hose and gossiping: This one is “skanky,” that one is “really cute,” and so forth. Dressed in minidresses, perilously high heels, and glittery, dangling earrings, their eyes heavily shadowed in black-pearl and jade, they look like a flock of tropical birds. A few minutes later, they return to the dance floor, where they shake everything they’ve got under the party lights.

But for the most part, there isn’t all that much to shake. This particular group of party-goers consists of 12- and 13-year-old girls. Along with their male counterparts, they are celebrating the bat mitzvah of a classmate in a cushy East Coast suburb.

Today’s teen and preteen girls are bombarded with images and products that tout the benefits of sexual attraction. But must we as parents, give in to their desire to “dress like everyone else?” asks author Jennifer Moses. She talks with WSJ’s Kelsey Hubbard.

In a few years, their attention will turn to the annual ritual of shopping for a prom dress, and by then their fashion tastes will have advanced still more. Having done this now for two years with my own daughter, I continue to be amazed by the plunging necklines, built-in push-up bras, spangles, feathers, slits and peek-a-boos. And try finding a pair of sufficiently “prommish” shoes designed with less than a 2-inch heel.

All of which brings me to a question: Why do so many of us not only permit our teenage daughters to dress like this—like prostitutes, if we’re being honest with ourselves—but pay for them to do it with our AmEx cards?

I posed this question to a friend whose teenage daughter goes to an all-girls private school in New York. “It isn’t that different from when we were kids,” she said. “The girls in the sexy clothes are the fast girls. They’ll have Facebook pictures of themselves opening a bottle of Champagne, like Paris Hilton. And sometimes the moms and dads are out there contributing to it, shopping with them, throwing them parties at clubs. It’s almost like they’re saying, ‘Look how hot my daughter is.'” But why? “I think it’s a bonding thing,” she said. “It starts with the mommy-daughter manicure and goes on from there.”

I have a different theory. It has to do with how conflicted my own generation of women is about our own past, when many of us behaved in ways that we now regret. A woman I know, with two mature daughters, said, “If I could do it again, I wouldn’t even have slept with my own husband before marriage. Sex is the most powerful thing there is, and our generation, what did we know?”

We are the first moms in history to have grown up with widely available birth control, the first who didn’t have to worry about getting knocked up. We were also the first not only to be free of old-fashioned fears about our reputations but actually pressured by our peers and the wider culture to find our true womanhood in the bedroom. Not all of us are former good-time girls now drowning in regret—I know women of my generation who waited until marriage—but that’s certainly the norm among my peers.

So here we are, the feminist and postfeminist and postpill generation. We somehow survived our own teen and college years (except for those who didn’t), and now, with the exception of some Mormons, evangelicals and Orthodox Jews, scads of us don’t know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily. We’re embarrassed, and we don’t want to be, God forbid, hypocrites.

Still, in my own circle of girlfriends, the desire to push back is strong. I don’t know one of them who doesn’t have feelings of lingering discomfort regarding her own sexual past. And not one woman I’ve ever asked about the subject has said that she wishes she’d “experimented” more.

As for the girls themselves, if you ask them why they dress the way they do, they’ll say (roughly) the same things I said to my mother: “What’s the big deal?” “But it’s the style.” “Could you be any more out of it?” What teenage girl doesn’t want to be attractive, sought-after and popular?

And what mom doesn’t want to help that cause? In my own case, when I see my daughter in drop-dead gorgeous mode, I experience something akin to a thrill—especially since I myself am somewhat past the age to turn heads.

In recent years, of course, promiscuity has hit new heights (it always does!), with “sexting” among preteens, “hooking up” among teens and college students, and a constant stream of semi-pornography from just about every media outlet. Varied sexual experiences—the more the better—are the current social norm.

I wouldn’t want us to return to the age of the corset or even of the double standard, because a double standard that lets the promiscuous male off the hook while condemning his female counterpart is both stupid and destructive. If you’re the campus mattress, chances are that you need therapy more than you need condemnation.

But it’s easy for parents to slip into denial. We wouldn’t dream of dropping our daughters off at college and saying: “Study hard and floss every night, honey—and for heaven’s sake, get laid!” But that’s essentially what we’re saying by allowing them to dress the way they do while they’re still living under our own roofs.

—Jennifer Moses is the author of “Bagels and Grits: A Jew on the Bayou” and “Food and Whine: Confessions of a New Millennium Mom.”