about facing life with hope and confidence, no matter the diagnosis

I write because so many people have told me to write a book about my life, but I have always felt no one would believe this "stranger than fiction" life if I did write it all down. However, after my Dad died, I was continually plagued with his last requests-write your story, Cindy. God has given it to you for a reason. You can help people by showing them what God has done for you through the trials and tribulations of your life.
And so this blog...because I don't know how to write a book. I write just like I talk. So just expect stories where God has been protecting me, teaching me, molding me, refining me and that means through fire! I never know what to expect next nor should you. Seek the Lord while He may be found.

Posts Tagged ‘multiple surgeries’

I know that I have said time and again how faithful our Lord is, but this summer again in particular instances, He has shown once again how loving and involved in each life, He is! As I speak with people each day, I am still astounded at how He leads me to certain people who either need Him or know Him and we can rejoice together! As usual there have been physical challenges as well, part of the reason I haven’t written as much. I have found that most of the time it has been all I could do to do my work for the day. I had thought that after I had back surgery to remove a cyst off of my spine which had wrapped itself around several nerves and caused me great pain and difficulty walking, was really past the bad stuff! I have had blocks in my neck before and I did need that before we were finished with everything. Unfortunately my problem is at C2/3 and they cannot fuse it or I could never move my head again! So I was told the best thing was to burn the nerves and that would take care of the pain. The problem though, has been an extreme side effect called Ataxia. You lose the control of your legs. Sometimes I am walking and it is just as if I don’t have any legs at all, they give out on me. So I fall or just sit down abruptly. Most of the time, when I am walking, though, my legs just look spastic. My doc has assured me that this will clear up within another week! I hope so. So far, it has been 3 weeks today. What I have read, says 7-10 days. Physical therapy will start working with me this week and see if we can speed up the process.

My other issue is spiking blood pressure. It goes very high and then will get down to a reasonable level. We are working with new meds on that! This is a problem that my mother had. Hers would just go up and down and up and down too. Its very weird. I have a great internist though and like I said brand new medicine to take.

So any of you who know me would know that I would go straight to my Lord God about all this. He has set my path. I know this like I know the back of my hand. Yesterday, He reached out to me through my devotional. Many of you know I read Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. So yesterday was talking about the human body and inevitable effects of aging. That even if I were a superb athlete, which I am NOT, most cannot maintain their fitness over many decades. But this is specifically what it said ” Do not be anxious about the weakness of your body. Instead, view it as the prelude to My infusing energy into your being. Though the process of aging continues, inwardly you grow stronger with the passing years. Those who live close to Me develop an inner aliveness that makes them seem youthful in spite of their years. Let my Life shine through you, and you walk in the Light with Me.” Isn’t that beautiful? And of course the first scripture verse was Psalm 139:14 I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. This particular scripture is one that I have really gone to the Lord about many times in my life. If you’ve read my stories, you know that I don’t have a perfect body according to human eyes, human thoughts. What My Lord has taught me through all of these things is that I must depend on Him for my very breath and heartbeat; that the people he has me meet through the issues are put there for a purpose. So please pray that I will be mindful of these things as I recover!

I mentioned that God had been faithful, oh so faithful. I cannot begin to count the ways and He wouldn’t want me to! But He has just blessed us so incredibly this summer in ways we never would have dreamed. Still, our Lord knows our heart and our deepest longings. I believe that if we are faithful to Him, He answers us!!! One of the ways I can talk about is my business that finally it seems that it is coming together. I know that I am going to get better as God even went before me and has arranged a business trip (short) to Houston in 3 weeks. I have been wanting to go for a year and now it has all come together in perfect timing for everyone. I know my Lord. I will be ready.

One last thing I will leave you with is from my devotional today. “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Remember that all good things-your possessions, your family and friends, your health and abilities, your time- are gifts from ME. Instead of feeling entitled to all these blessings, respond to them with gratitude. Be prepared to let go of anything I take from you, but never let go of My Hand!” Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.

Believe me, this is a truth from the Lord. I have had this happen. But He has restored everything. Now, I have to hold onto the lesson.

As many of you know, I consider it quite an accomplishment when I get to celebrate another birthday! And so it was this year too! First, I should count my many blessings: my husband of 34 years whom I love so much! My wonderful kids-actually grown women now and son-in-law, and 3 fabulous grand girls! Then there are all of my extended family, my 5 siblings and their families. I have such great sib in-laws, and nieces and nephews and 2 grand-nephews. Then there are my cousins and their families. I look back through the pictures of my life and it has passed so fast so far! I have so many wonderful memories. Not that I plan on stopping making memories, but today I feel very blessed. The picture which I will attach and am going to try to change on the Gravatar is what we took last Friday night. I was full of fresh oysters, shrimp and pompano (a wonderful fish)! All fixed at home, so far we do it better than anybody we’ve found locally! And I do make this wonderful salsa to go with the fish and shrimp. Marvelous!

As I have said so many times, it is the Lord’s blessing that I am here. We do believe that we are living in Paradise on earth anyway, back in FL. I have been able to find some genuinely caring doctors who have gone above and beyond to see to my care. I thought that I would simply see a breast reconstruction surgeon when I got to FL as that was what I was cautioned by my oncologist. I had a lump that was needle biopsied after an MRI couldn’t tell clearly what the lump was. When I brought the MRI to the FL surgeon and we discussed the lump, he said he wasn’t as concerned with getting that out as he was with the picture of my other breast. He showed us that it clearly showed the implant was millimeters from pushing through my skin! This would have been catastrophic on many levels he said. Immediate overwhelming infection, and less so, they couldn’t put the implant back in for 6-12 months. He emphasized the need for immediate surgery which I couldn’t believe they got approved so quickly with my insurance company. Once he got in, he said he found a mess. The previous breast surgeon I had after my double mastectomy had put in silicone implants, one that ruptured. When he replaced it, he never bothered to clean out the silicone. So it’s been flowing around loose in my body for all these years. It probably has something to do with the immunity disorder that I have as I have read that the silicone ruptures did lead to immunity issues in people. All I can say is it’s a good thing he is retired!!! Because of all the mess, it took 3 hours to do my surgery. This surgeon has been incredible. I asked him about his bill and he said I would never see one. I asked if he was sure that Mentor would pay for my implants, he said absolutely. The hospital care was great too. Even his follow-up care has been above-board. He saw me in the office on a Sunday last week because of course, I have some infection. But he wanted to check me himself instead of sending me to the ER. Can you believe that? And he had already driven an hour out-of-town to do military stuff for 9 days. He is the only guy they use!!

Today I had another block in my back after seeing a neurosurgeon who wants to do a sacroiliac join fusion which he thinks will help my pain hugely. But the catch is being off of my right leg weight for 6-8weeks and I live in a townhouse. I need a stair lift and right now that isn’t doable anymore than more surgery is–maybe late this fall? In the meantime, I have a great pain management doc and he schedules me really fast. We saw him Wed and I had the block today. I have no pain at all in the joint. It usually takes a few days for the muscle going over to my hip to get the medicine to, but here is hoping it works for a while!

I have had the most difficult of business weeks. I don’t think I could have managed without my devotional and all of the scriptures from Jesus Calling. Please pray for me that next week goes well as it is a very important week of interviews!

So now we have been here 3 months. Slowly making friends with our neighbors and people at the church. It’s been hard with me being down, but I hope to start having people over for dinner! And I can’t wait for Bible Study to start in the fall. Bible Study and Sunday School that’s where you make your best friends.

I know that it has been some time since I have posted anything. For my faithful followers and inquirers, I do apologize. I have been going through some of the most difficult times of my life, though, and as I have sought the Lord, today, HE has answered me, most graciously.

Back in February, I had to go to the ER again, because they thought I had another clot in my lungs. It turned out to be pleurisy which is a really painful lung condition. it hurts when you talk, when you laugh and when you cough–all of which I do a lot! Unfortunately the CT scan showed a couple of spots on my lung. I wasn’t really concerned until my GYN doc who had found a lump in my breast just the month before (yes, I’ve already had breast cancer once) was really upset about the possibility of the connection of the two issues and asked me to see a pulmonologist for a referral to an oncologist for a complete check. Notice please, this wasn’t my idea, but my doctor’s. I saw a pulmonologist right away, unfortunately not my own. What a mistake, that!! He didn’t seem to even know what cough variant asthma was! Nor did he know how to prescribe my cough syrup! My pharmacist thought that was a riot! At any rate, he looked right through me. Ever had anyone do that to you? I had no idea what his issue with me was-I had never met him. My pulmonologist and I had a good relationship. She had cough variant asthma as well, so she certainly understood my issues. I had a terrible cough when I was there and certainly could have used a shot of decadron which is what my pulmonologist in Tampa would have given me. He was only concerned with the fact that he couldn’t hear me wheeze. Cough variant asthma people don’t wheeze–we cough!! Obviously he was no help at all as it took me 2 days to get the cough medicine!

That night I had a really, really bad asthma attack. It was like back in 2011 when I had all those really bad attacks. I think I was so worn down from all I have been through this year physically and mentally, I just didn’t have much strength to fight the spiritual battle that I have been able to do since that May 2011. On top of that, I started getting opinions from everybody about what I should do, or not do, think or not think. Truly if I had not had the Lord Himself to go to for truth, I might have listened to wrong advice, wrong opinions. I did have a great ER doc. He referred me to an oncologist/hematologist. She turned out to be one of the most caring doctors I have ever met! Unfortunately I am not out of the woods yet as to the spots on my lungs–I will have to have follow up scans every few months. But at least she has me set on the right course for care!

My journey took me to Breast Specialists of Atlanta. I understand they are the very best. First my insurance company insisted on a mammogram, which is very difficult when one has had reconstructive surgery and implants after a double mastectomy! Imagine my surprise when I found out that I had silicone implants! I thought for the last 11 years that I had saline implants because the first implants had leaked. Well, unfortunately, so have these 11 year old implants! There’s a big blob of silicone right on the outside of my left side where one of the “problems” was! The second problem has turned out to be a benign cyst that I just got the news back on today!! PRAISE THE LORD! I had so asked that I not have cancer back. I really didn’t know how in the world I was going to handle working with chemo and radiation! Thankfully, the Lord heard my prayers, those of my husband, my sister and my daughters, my brother and sister in law! How precious have they been to pray for me! No diatribes or opinions-just care. When someone is hurting, that is all they need to hear, love and support!!

So physically, bottom line for me at the moment is to get the implants replaced with saline and get that silicone, once and for all, out of my body! That’s the first thing I have to do when I get to our new home in Niceville, Florida! Yes, that is the reason for the title of my post today. I think a lot of you have known we haven’t been thrilled with our circumstances or the quality of the life here. My husband has always wanted to retire to the Panhandle! I would always say no, too many hurricanes hit there, no medical care, etc, etc. But he has spent the last four months doing research on the area and we’ve gone down there several times for weekends. I was wrong. There is good medical care, even a new hospital and where we will live is not in an evacuation area– it’s about 15 minutes from the beach across the bay bridge. And the people are so nice! It’s small town America! Call me corny, but I am ready for it! I don’t need the big city! We are so excited about this! We think we have already found a church too, but we will visit awhile till the Lord says for sure. And as for my Bible study? I can keep up with my BSF International or go back to Precept upon Precept by Kay Arthur. I did that for several years before I started in BSF. Our church has some great choices for women’s ministry as well as men.

I could go on and on about how much better we think our lives will be in our new city. Our new home, which will not be much more money than what we are paying now for a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apt, is a 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath townhome with a garage and backyard patio! We will feel like we are in a home again. Last Saturday night, the people above us had a fight from 12:30-2:30 AM. It was very loud, lots of screaming going on. It was really scary. The weekend before, they were vacuuming at 12:30 am. Really and truly, I can’t wait to leave next week!

Oh and if anyone wonders what about my wonderful job? My boss said when I asked him if he minded me moving to the Panhandle, “no, you’re just changing a zip code and an area code. whatever makes you happy.” He’s great, isn’t he?

I have progressed to being able to type for short periods. I don’t have to use all caps, can use punctuation, paragraphs and the sort so I thought I might finally be ready for an update.

I had the MRI of my shoulder that I had said I would have after Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, it showed that I had fractured my shoulder-and 4 weeks later not healed and that I had 3 tears in different places including the rotator cuff! When I saw my doctor, he was surprised about the fracture as I was, not so much about the rotator cuff tear but the others absolutely! He said “No wonder you hurt!” And I said, ” Did you think I was faking?” He of course did not, but thought that I was in an inordinate amount of pain for what he had thought I was dealing with! Actually I think the fact that I manage with the pain that I deal with at all is a miracle and be able to work too. So now that the shoulder is so very complicated, he has decided to pass me up/down to “more qualified” surgeon doctors in his practice! I guess I should be thankful as my daughters thought. I really liked him though, and now at the end of the year, I have to start all over with a new doctor. He knew I wasn’t happy about it, but advised me that anybody would insist on the fracture healing before operating.

So on to my next challenge! I had to have GYN (female) surgery on the 19th. This is NOT SOMETHING I AM GOING TO DISCUSS HERE! Surprise! I know that I have been really open about my foibles and life and all, but except to say that if I had not had this surgery, that sometime in the near future, my life could have been at serious risk. That being said, it also was terribly painful! The doc said, oh, it will be like you had a baby. Ok that wasn’t so bad except that’s when I found out I was allergic to iodine. They used to put it in a spray on solution for episiotomy incisions. THAT was much worse than having the baby! So I thought, it couldn’t be that bad! WRONG!! This is 62 like having a baby! God did not make us to have babies at 62 except as He has reminded me Sarah at 100 had Issac -in the desert and with no drugs! So I guess i need to quit complaining except that I don’t seem to be healing well here either.

Why have I shared such information now with all of you? Because I know you pray for me. So I am asking for all of your prayers… it has made such a difference in my life before… I need to heal. I know I have the immunity issue, but I wouldn’t have thought that would impede healing, maybe it is, I don’t know. The Lord has not told me He will not heal me, he has just offered comfort in other ways. My dear husband is doing his best to feed me nutritious things that will promote my healing… but like I said, the shoulder fracture was still “very fractured” at 6 weeks, so I only know to go to the Lord in prayer.

I remind Him of all of scriptures on healing like the familiar Isaiah 53:5 …and by His wounds we are healed… This is important for all of us though James 5:16 …pray for each other that you may be healed… and 1st Peter 2:24 …by his wounds you have been healed. But I do think the key is praying for one another. So while I am praying for ya’ll, please be praying for me!

I feel so privileged to have family that loves one another! This weekend my husband and I spent with my sister and her husband who recently moved to Charleston and with our move in February, to Atlanta, now we are just 5 hours apart! The Lord blessed us with great weather and so we were able to go out in their boat and explore the coastline, the river, and some of the canals. We saw the lot where they are going to build her dream house after years of building and designing so many others’ dream homes. Of course, my sister out did herself with dinner last night. I even had to bring home the recipe for the salad; it was so great!.

I ostensibly went over to work with her to help her with marketing her business only to find out God had already been working on her behalf and teaching her Himself! How much better is that? And the stories she was telling me? Well, suffice it to say, her stories just as miraculous, wonderful, and quirky as mine are because we serve an awesome God!!

Last Tuesday night, I started my Bible Study Fellowship class. It was a new group, in a new location because of our anticipated move next spring. To me, it was like coming home in so many ways. Not that the first group I attended was not a lovely group of ladies, it was. But this group simply reminds me in so many ways, of my friends at home-it’s just comforting. And the material is all new! New features and in depth scriptures! I really like it. It is like it is all brand new to me–like I have never studied it before.

The other very nice news from last week is that another sister–the one in Florida, is coming up to go to the Women of Faith conference here in October. that is so special to me! It seems like we have been going forever. I know at least for 10 years and now even with the move, it is nice to know that we won’t be stopping that tradition either!

So now to prayer requests: my back has gotten seriously bad for me. Turning or changing positions in bed or in a chair has gotten to being a very difficult proposition. I am having to use more medication than I like to use even though I know I have it for this very thing! I do have a last block planned for Tuesday. If it doesn’t hold, the doctor says I am most probably going to need surgery as I have been dealing with this problem for over a year and have had multiple blocks, which make me the perfect candidate for the procedure. They call it band-aid surgery these days-out patient procedure, but between this and another female issue, I may be spending a little more time than I would like or have planned with doctors. I would love it if the Lord would just make it all just go away. Please pray to that end.

Well, I had so hoped that my life in the fast health lane and quit for a while and I do still have high hopes for it, but today, I suffered through the burning of the nerves in the facets (joints) in the vertebrae in my lower back. I had 4 nerve blocks previously, but nothing lasted very long. Having had to endure all kinds of pain in my life, I still say that nerve pain is the worst. So when I finally saw Spinal Pain Specialists associated with my hospital and introduced to me by my daughter when she was getting her own block for a herniated disc issue-totally different from mine, I was amazed by the exam and their conclusions. And really so far the treatment has been borne out by where the last 2 blocks that they did were placed. I just would like to change positions –in bed, in and out of a chair, and regain my ability to stand or walk for a while. The doctor says I will get all of this back! and Without Surgery! Today I just had some Twilight sleep, they call it. What I hadn’t expected was hurting when I woke up! I didn’t with the others, but to burn nerves, bigger needles are used and go through muscle and so the “side effects”. But if it works…WOW!

Prayer requests oh so many and I don’t exactly know how to write them so that they are anonymous-prayer for a dear one that all that needs to be remembered and done-in other words keep all the balls in the air at all times, so that absolutely nothing falls. for another dear friend, continued healing, someone’s dad diagnosed with cancer, for all the planned Bible Studies that will start up when school starts back, including my beloved BSF. For us to find a church home where God wants us, for my daughters-one a new job and the other a solution to her “back” problem. And for our nation, I am with Billy Graham, America can come back to God! All we need is for God’s people to pray!

I have just come home from one of the most glorious Good Friday Services I think I have ever attended! The Holy Spirit was there and just blessing us through the music and through the speaking of the Word. What was really special was that my sister had arranged with a couple of her “prayer warrior friends” to anoint me and pray for me before theservice. What was REALLYGREAT was that my foot woke up! It had been asleep since I woke up “frozen” that Friday morning the 15th! Now that gives me REAL HOPEthat the rest of the things they prayed for me will happen as well. This important because today I was referred to a hematologist because they can not get my blood numbers to stabilize with the Coumadin I am on. It doesn’t seem to matter if I am on a lot or a little. I can have way too much or way too little-like today-way too little, but two bad nose bleeds and I’ve never had those before! That’s like the opposites of each other! How many times have I remarked I am strangely and wonderfully made??

Now let me tell you about MADDOX! About midnight right after I posted my request that you pray for him, and you must have started immediately, because his mother said the ketones started coming down after midnight and NOW HE IS HOME! HOME FOR EASTER!! THANK YOU DEAR ONES WHO LOVE JESUS AND LITTLE ONES TOO! I found out that Maddox has to have insulin shots 5 times a day. I say, let’s all pray for his total healing so that this is not something he has to deal with the rest of his life. Let him learn early the healing touch of Jesus. So Please Pray and I will let you know when the Lord heals him.

Now I will close with this blessing from Hebrews about the BLOOD of Jesus which is the only reason we are all here today together and looking forward to celebrating His resurrection on Sunday–because without that shedding of BLOOD There would have been NO RESURRECTION to celebrate.

Hebrews 13: 20-21 May the god of Peace who the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus Christ, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equp you with everything good for doing his will and may he work in us what is what is pleasing to him through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

My world has changed since I last wrote! First my husband came in my office last week and said he was ready to move to Atlanta!! Now for those of you who do not know me or my background, I moved to Atlanta at age 16, not very happily but eventually it was home. Then in my early to mid 30’s in 1984 it was, we moved to Tampa. I was very happy with the move. My parents lived in Orlando and I could see about them regularly. I loved the weather and overall we have done pretty well here. However our children went home to Tampa after college and now that is where my grandchildren are. I am learning every day how short life really is and those precious moments that I could be with them, I’ve been here out of fear in some cases, because I believe I have some extraordinary doctors taking care of me and have wondered how in the world I would replace them. Of course, my Abba Father has brought this to my attention-the lack of faith on my part that He wouldn’t help me identify the right doctors to take care of me there. And as for the cold, well, I can dress for it. But it is an easy trade to be with my girls-all of them!!

We talked about moving two or three years ago, but at that time, my husband still had that double machine in his chest and was still in a lot of pain and the cold made it worse. So after all of my plans with my wonderful boss, we scrapped it all and stayed. And of course with the craziness of my body this past 2 years I guess this is where God wanted me to be. Still, I am very thankful that I can work out arrangements to continue to work for Gary and MRI, stay insured and widen my client base. I believe I can resurrect some old clients. I was just speaking with 2 of those very special ladies I did work for 10 and 11 years ago for the first time last week. It was pretty thrilling to me to be so well remembered.

Of course we can not leave until next July1 when our lease is up. I know that sounds like such a long time! But to us and especially to my husband who will bear the brunt of the packing up and the putting back in order this lovely villa just the way we found it, he will need every day of every month that we have! We have so loved it here. I was planning on seeing if we could sign up for 2 more years right after Christmas, so you can imagine my big surprise! But how lovely a surprise. NOW MS. DIANE, I don’t have to be the little bit jealous of you that I was with your move. I could certainly understand it. I too will be limited in how much I can do or help. which leads me to my second surprise. And this one isn’t so pleasant. I had more of what I would call a seizure coming home from church today. My husband was driving, I had started to say something, but all of a sudden my neck got rigid and my head was turning back and forth and I was saying with difficulty no, not , no, not. My right hand was holding on to the door handle-I thought if I let go of it, my arm would go flying. I don’t know that, that would be true, it was just a feeling. This went on for a full minute-to a minute and half and now stands as the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. A couple of things I did notice and have continued having pain and just weird feeling with is my neck. Especially if I have it tilted down to read or I am paying attention to my hands on the keyboard too long. What I had alluded to last week physically is that I am having some similar issues with my head like I did when I had those tumors back in 2009. I don’t know that this is a reoccurance, because my neck wasn’t involved at all then, and it definitely is now. So after speaking to a sub neurologist, mine was out of town. I will be making calls in the morning and hoping to get some testing done. What I would ask you dear friends is your prayers. There is nothing, absolutely nothing like having your friends and loved ones pray for you. This may come to nothing like in March–but I know it was worse, and harder on me and God forbid that I would have been driving. So now I have a driver for awhile! So let’s hope and pray that someone will have some answers this time.

I will try and keep up some regular posts to let you know what’s happening. I realized with Diane not well and moving how hard it was waiting to hear. So I will try and be good about it.

The previous post was written last night. I didn’t publish because I wanted to speak to my boss, my doctor and see what was up before I sent out such a disquieting post! The bad news is that I had another episode this morning. And I still believe that my neck is somehow involved. We did go down and see my neurologist, but unfortunately, this is not her area of expertise. She had no ideas of what to tell me to do or who to see or even what basic tests could be run-which I can guess myself what 2 basic tests would be. So my surgeon referred me to another doctor right at end of the business day so I will have to call for an appt tomorrow.. In the meantime, I am working carefully and asking the Lord to protect us, bless us, go before us.

Before I was afflicted, I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees. .. I keep your precepts with all my heart…I delight in your law. It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold…Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands. May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word. Palm 119 67-74

I first wrote and underlined this passage in my Bible in June of 2011. I had just gotten home from the hospital after a bout with my asthma. This time the Lord did a lot of work while I was there. I have come home tired! He sold my sofa to one of the nurses and everywhere I turned there was someone to share with! My roommate, her husband, my nurses, even my student nurses. It really was glorious! And this was the scripture the Lord gave to me.

I know O Lord, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me. May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is your delight…I will mediate on your precepts…May my heart be blameless toward your decrees, that I may not be put to shame.

Then the Lord brought me back there 2 months later. ..It seems I hadn’t been studying His precepts thoroughly enough, nor did I have an adult’s comprehension of the passage-just a child’s. So I prayed-and prayed that he would give me a hope that this feeling would be understood as an adult. To that end, He started giving me passages on health. I always thought they were for someone else-more deserving-but on August 26 of this year, I got a new scripture. I even told ya’ll not to get too excited! But I was excited-because it did seem for me as I could find nothing for anyone else! this time the scripture is from Jeremiah 17: 7-10,14-15

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, who confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure who can understand it? I, the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve…Heal me , O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved for you are the one I praise. They keep saying to me, “Where is the word of the Lord ? Let it now be fulfilled”

I first gave you those verses on August 18th and September 3rd. Then I was due for my Remecaid on September 14th. Now these dates are important. USUALLY by the week before the Remecaid is given, I have started hurting-not this time and certainly the week of, or absolutely, positively the week after. But as I write this, I don’t have any pain! Is that not the greatest thing in all the world? So I would say that this is proof positive that the Lord God keeps His Promises! (now that I know this-there will be forth coming announcements)

Oh Beloved ones! I have tried once, twice again to write, but have just been delayed in doing so. I have to believe when that happens, I am to wait to write. My Master who knows all things may be changing the circumstances, timing, days, people who knows what?, but when He is ready, then I am ready. I have spent the last several weeks almost in a state of constant excitement and anticipation. I wake up like that and I go to bed very late because of that; I am looking and listening, reading the Word and communing with my Lord God. I went back to Philippians where I didn’t finish what I was exactly writing about. There are so many great passages in Philippians to quote from that, that is all you would get, so I am picking out the pieces of scripture in the book that mean so much to me, but I would urge you to read and study Philippians on your own as well–you might have a whole different way that means something to you that God speak to you through.

In the body of the first chapter, Paul is doing exactly what I do in bad, poor, horrible or otherwise situations: He is telling the Philippians that the fact that he is in jail is actually a good thing. It truly is, because he has shared the gospel throughout the jail and with all of the palace guard, which is probably the only way he would have been able to share. He has told everyone that he has no care for comforts-that one place is as surely good as another. Paul’s whole concentration was on spreading the gospel ofJesus Christ–just as it must be my concentration.Time is short, and yet there are so many who do not know Him! I would ask you this–at the very least you can share the Lord Jesus within your sphere of friends and family. I would hope and pray that you would do it because you loved them and because you believe the Father and Son and Holy Spirit when they say there is hell yet for those who will not be reconciled.

Then Paul gives us some very important truths starting with verse 19. A long passage so I am cherry picking the verses to write:

I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance…I will not be ashamed but will have sufficient courage and hope that Christ will be exalted whether by life or by death. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am go on living, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I chose? I do not know! I desire to depart and be with Christ, but it is more necessary for you that I remain…Whatever happens…stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. For you will be saved–and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for Him.

I will stop there at the end of chapter 1. You see what I mean? There is so much for us to understand and look forward to. I think what was brought to my attention today, is to remind everyone that the time is short and running out. I too sometimes long for the everlasting arms of Jesus–to be able to be in His presence and worship and not have to stop for one thing or another. Yet I too have those who need me here. God isn’t finished with me yet. Unfortunately, He still has so much work to do on me, but I am so grateful for my salvation and my relationship with Him. I never knew you could truly have a relationship with God like this. I was told that He would speak to me through scripture, but He uses many, many more avenues than that! When He wants to talk to you and you don’t want to, it is not worth it to fight it! Because of course, The Lord God Almighty always wins at everything. But I promise that whatever His Plan is, it’s better than yours–because you can’t see the future and He can. Because He has planned your future so that you can be completely fulfilled, knowing you are loved unconditionally by the King Of the Universe.

I must address the last little phrase of the text. As I have read a lot the last week, I have noticed once again how very often Christians are suffering. At first I thought, it’s just a new church, they will get used to it. Then there was the massive pulling away from Christ altogether as we seem to be doing in America now, and certainly Europe is anything but Christian. And now in many countries people are dying for their faith or they are suffering because of that faith. In 1st Peter 4:16, Peter says if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. Oh Beloved ones! there are so many who will be shocked on that day of judgement! Proverbs 11:30-31 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise. If the righteous receive their due on earth, how much more the ungodly and the sinner! or put another way in 1st Peter 4:18 If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner? We are living in interesting, exciting times. As I have said before, just look in the newspaper and look in your Bible…It’s coming…our day…but in the meantime, love people, see them as Jesus saw the-lost sheep without a shepherd. Know in your heart, that for those left behind, there truly may not be another chance. So don’t sit back, relax and read a book. Get up, get dressed, get out there! Make a difference in someone’s life -not just now, but eternally!