-- Surviving. Living. Hoping. -- Recurrent Pregnancy Loss & Adoption

-- Surviving. Living. Hoping. -- Recurrent Pregnancy Loss & Adoption

Traveling

When we got home from the USA, we made one simple thing very clear to everyone in our lives. PLEASE COME VISIT US, WE ARE NOT TRAVELING ANYTIME SOON.

We didn’t mean to be rude, we just needed to be home. We needed time to get our own routines figured out, cook in our own kitchen, be able to laundry whenever we wanted and just be.

We live in a city with amazing friends nearby, but without any family. And, it has always felt like it has been on us to visit our family. And, after the stress and anxiety of traveling for the first 3 weeks of Baby MPB’s life, we just couldn’t bare the thought of more travel. To be honest, the idea of hoping on a plane and/or driving hours to visit people literally brought tears to my eyes as I remembered everything we went through in the USA. Most of our immediate family (whose circumstances allowed for it we and we understand that not everyone can travel) made an effort to travel and meet baby MPB. However, there were some in our extended families who expected us to travel, and we just said no. In fact, there were multiple people who sent cards and gifts which we are so increadibly thankful for. But I’ll admit being much less thankful for the few handwritten notes in the cards indicating that they wished we had visited already. Heck, one family member suggested we should change our flights home from the USA so we could visit everyone on our way back to Canada, before we even got home.

But, we have decided it’s time. (The key is that WE decided it is time).

We drove about 6 hours (round trip) to visit my family on Easter weekend so that my extended family can meet Baby MPB. (As an aside, I typically hate Easter, and have avoided since my Mom and sister died a few days after Easter many years ago. But, Baby MPB deserves to have fun at Easter and so starting this year I will make an effort). As we did it as a one day visit there was lots of driving, but we figured it’s easier to come home for the night then to stay in someone else’s home and the thought of being away from home for a night literally makes me cringe as I remember everything we went through in the USA. So, if I’m being honest, I just really don’t want to do overnight travel yet. I saw this one day trip is the perfect way to introduce Baby MPB to even more of his extended family while keeping my anxiety under control.

As for Mr. MPB’s extended family, we just booked flights using points we accumulated on our visa while traveling in the USA (so we only have to pay the tax). I also found a great deal on a car rental (50% off), so the entire trip is beyond reasonable. That trip will occur in April. We debated waiting a few more months, but it turns out one of my favourite people in the entire world who lives halfway around the world (my aunt) will be in that city the same weekend and I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see her. This trip will necessitate overnight travel, but we are making it a very short long weekens trip. When we told the family, my Aunt was thrilled. But everyone else seemed to give us grief because we aren’t staying an entire week or even just a few more nights. But we know this short visit will be full of family visiting which will be a lot for us right now. Simple things like having to deal with formula prep and bottle cleaning in a kitchen that isn’t as clean as ours, or needing to ask to do laundry, or the possibility of having a screaming child wake everyone up at 3am makes both me nervous.

But, like I said, WE decided it’s time for Baby MPB to meet his extended family, and so that means it’s time for us to travel just a little bit. The real bonus is that from our time in the USA we are basically experts at long distance driving and flying with an infant now, so the actual travel will probably be pretty easy for us.

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17 Comments on “Traveling”

Wow that’s generous of you to travel with a new baby so that your family can meet him. I’m really surprised that anyone would suggest that you should be the ones to travel so that they can meet your baby? I hope the trip wasn’t too tiring.

It was the same for me when Evelyn was a baby – my extended family expected ME to travel alone with an infant. And i did. And it sucked. You guys are experts at travel with an infant now, so I’m sure your trip will go much better than mine did! And I sure hope the family(ies) are grateful for all of your effort!

So generous of you! I’m glad you’re finding your rhythm and doing what’s best for your family–good practice for all those situations to come where you will make decisions based on what works for y’all vs pleasing others, even family. It’s hard but so worth it and y’all are smart to do it from the beginning! Blessings friend💗❤️💗

Keeping your own boundaries and deciding these things for yourselves is important. Good for you!

We traveled with both of our kids when they were each 8 weeks old (maybe younger for Bryson). It was a goal of ours so we did it. We flew with Matthew and did a 7 hour drive when Bryson was a baby. It was great, and easy. Honestly, this is the time to do it. When they’re older and need real naps and can’t just sleep anywhere…. That’s when travel is hard with them. But we still do it, so we can say we did. That’s what I always say!

Washing bottles in a hotel is gross though. I was pumping both times and there was no way to sterilize. Cringe. Ack!

Call me grumpy but I’m a tad incredulous at the expectations of your family as you attempts battle with a newly adopted baby and after much financial strain and upheaval. You are a wonderful person. I hope they realize the gift of you and your family!!

I agree with everyone else so far – that was very generous of you! I would give my family the ultimatum to either come to us for a visit or make do with meeting baby over Skype. In fact I have already used the future baby as an excuse to not have to drive the 2 hours to my mom’s house for all the holidays in the baby’s first year. I may be a Grinch, but you are being very generous to your family (and baby MPB). Feel good about yourself for doing that!!

Well, we may be generous with this trip, we absolutely will not travel for Christmas or New Years. EVER. We will be spending that time of year in our house and they can come visit us if they want to. No exceptions. (I cannot wait to tell them that in a few months, I’m sure it will not go over well).

It is absolutely ridiculous that anyone suggest you should have traveled to introduce them to the baby before you even got home, or even thereafter. I really don’t think people get how demanding infants are. Also, babies just make people absolutely crazy. We haven’t traveled at all in the last 6 months with our babies. The furthest we’ve traveled is to my parents an hour away on Thanksgiving, and we changed our mind about staying overnight and went on home so everyone could sleep in their own beds. We are, however, considering a cross-country road trip this summer to introduce them to their last living grandmothers (85 & 95 years old). But it makes me really nervous, and I am already thinking of cancelling it and staying home – maybe driving to a resort within a few hours or something instead.

I’m glad that most people understood your wishes to not travel right away. Since we don’t live near any family either, I hope everyone will understand that of us for a few months as well! (Though I know we won’t have to travel for the first few weeks of her life…I don’t know how you got through that so well!!) I hope you have a great time on your trip next month!

I absolutely hate being away from home with C. Mad props to you for having such a great attitude about it! We’re spending this weekend at my in laws, and I’m totally dreading it. Being in someone else’s home with a baby is just such a hassle.

Who are these people expecting you to travel and giving grief over how long you stay???? Weirdos. You are perfectly within your rights to refuse to anywhere for months after a baby is born. I think you guys are doing so well!!! Good for you for sticking to what you want.

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