……and ushering in the Lucky Seven :)

Archive for the ‘…I object…’ Category

I love my early morning solitude. Sometimes, when I get up early, I stand in the balcony with a cup of tea. There would be occasional chirping of early birds, if I’m lucky, I might spot a sparrow (so rare these days) or a parrot. Pigeons flock by hundreds and are possibly the only birds I get to see at any time of the day, any day! It is a nice idyllic scene. There is minimal traffic, the air is crisp and all seems well with the world.

Imagine my irritation when this nice, scenic set-up is marred by the sounds of a man gargling. I’m assuming he’s gargling because frankly speaking it sounds like a man puking his guts out. The audio come loud and clear from some apartment close by. Within minutes, the sounds are repeated from practically ALL the apartments!

For the life of me, I can’t understand why men can’t brush and gargle in silence! I’ve never heard women make such horrific sounds early in the morning!!

I’m terribly, terribly peeved 😐

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Tobacco, the chewing kind, should be banned ASAP!!!

I hate, Hate, HATE people spitting gallons of goop right in front of me while I’m driving! Its insane you know, to be on the look-out for the heavy traffic as well as the shower of spit which can land from anywhere ! People in buses should be particularly banned from eating that stuff!

I think it is a disgusting habit to spit on the roads and to see people indulging in it all around you is more than nauseating. It is revolting 😐 !!

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Dussehra is over. So what do educated people of Pune do? They throng the bridges over the city’s rivers and dump large plastic bags full of flowers into the water below! I crossed three bridges on m y way to work today and all of them were crowded with people thronging over them to dispose off the flowers! I really wanted to give them a piece of my mind. But it is difficult to talk sense to people when there are so many of them in the wrong! And I am a minority 😐

I’m not against them throwing flowers into the river. Flowers decompose. But what about the plastic bags?!

People in fancy cars were jumping out to quickly dispose of the said flowers before any cop sees them. I doubt any cop would stop them from throwing flowers into the water. It’s those bags which cause all the toxic waste!

When will people learn 😐 !!!

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When will the twins stop playing mind games with me ?!

The twins have holidays for a few days (Dussehra-Eid combined) and for the last two weeks, I’ve been preparing them to stay at the day-care for the whole day. The twins hate going for full-day stay because the other kids there come only post lunch. Even the twins go there post lunch so they have a lot of friends for company. When they go in the morning, they don’t have other friends to play with and get bored easily!

For the last two days, I’ve been thinking up tricks and treats to convince the kids. I had it all planned. The minute they start bickering, I was all set to come up with the bribes (horrible parenting, I know…..but its difficult to handle two irritable kids in the morning when I’m myself rushed).

So the twins got up in time, brushed, bathed, got into the clothes laid out for them, had their milk, didn’t crib about their lunchbox and only requested that I allow them to watch cartoon till the time BIL drops them off at the day-care.

😐 😐 😐

As I walked out of the door, with final goodbyes to the kids, I realized with a sinking heart that my babies have grown up 😦

That I actually enjoyed their bickering and my bargaining. Their mute acceptance of the circumstances tore at my heart 😦

I’m feeling a little sad today!

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To make life a little better, the twins come up with some rather precious words for their mother :-

Shobby :- “(In a very happy mood) Mumma, you know, you are very cute. You are my heavy pumpkin”.

Rather a harmless event, given that we are forewarned (unlike real instances where we need to act without prior intimation) and forearmed. In my company (the one I belong to, not the one where I sit) I used to be a fire-marshall, or the floor incharge. I even received fire-fighting training from the personnel belonging to the fire station nearest to our office. The training was much fun. I learned to differentiate between the A,B and C class of fire-extinguishers. Also learned how to use a water hose and how to change its flow. Much fun was had in the trainings.

(Uh. I think I went off-track there)

Coming back to the fire drill in this office. It is next week. So the security guards in the office were asked to carry out some preliminary rounds and talk to a few people regarding the same. On one such duty, this particular female security guard sidles up to my desk this morning. I look up at her enquiringly. This is how our conversation went :-

(This is the cue for me to breakdown sobbing on my desk and for you to hold your tummy and guffaw out loud 😐 )

Me : Nahin nahin…koi baat nahin….

With gentle reassurances, the lady left my desk.

Needless to say peeps, am sorely upset today. I mean, my kids will turn three in a couple of month’s time…and here I am, still hanging on to my cesarean pouch as though my next kid lived in it 😦

Gaaaah!!

Ramzan went by and did nothing to give me a break! I still haven’t lost an ounce! Why O why does the fat love me so?! I’m so hopping mad today 👿 !! Haven’t mentioned the tale to the BF. Much ‘I-Told-You-So’s expected 😦 . You know, I’ve been trying real hard lately. I’ve changed my diet, have moderate meals , use the stairs and do as much physical work as possible. But looks like its all pittance in the vast ocean of adiposity (is that even a word?!).

*Sigh*

Can anyone please burn away this fat for me……or at least turn that water-hose on me and wash it away?!

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Comes from a colleague of mine in office, an engineer by education and an IT personnel by profession. Age,22-23 years.

“I’m grateful to my father for letting me live. He always wanted a son. So he had my mother tested when she was pregnant. When he found out it was a girl, though others asked him to get it terminated, he allowed my mother to have me. I’m thankful to my father for giving me life”.

Tell me people, am I wrong in feeling completely offended by this sentiment?

I wonder why we take the effort to educated women from the poorer strata of society on women empowerment when its the educated, affluent women themselves who are yet to see the light of day!!

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I could write a funny little couplet with the three characters , Obama, Osama and me, but I won’t. Because though funny thoughts do creep up my mind, what I’m posting today is far from it. I’ll be writing about Osama and how he changed my life. I’ll mention Obama, who must have have faced a percentage of what I did. I’ll talk about me and the ones close to me. I’ll talk of all the agony and pain we went through. The humiliation, the anger the confusion. I’ll talk of all the things that went wrong because of Osama and why his death does not bring any relief or respite.

But first, something about Obama. Its close to election time and since the Prez didn’t have much to count on for a second term, does the timing of this operation sound suspicious to you?? It does to me at least. So there was Osama, not hiding under a rock or a bunker, but living lavishly in a large bungalow with his family. So, wasn’t the US aware of his hide-out until now?? I, for one, am not impressed at the way the operation was carried out, even if Obama was hunkering over the screens, watching with baited breath as the Navy seals went about their task.

So the big Terrorist- chap was gunned down in his house. Great.

He was done in in the presence of his family. I wouldn’t really say ‘Great’, but I guess the family saw it coming one day or the other.

Since we are not typical television watchers AND we didn’t get any papers yesterday (because of labour day), it was pretty late in the evening when we saw the news and were stunned into silence.Initially, I was rather skeptical of the whole act. The US claimed they shot him and dumped his body in the sea. Really?? I don’t believe you, I said. I refused to accept the news until finally, sometime later that night,they showed his dead body. It did look like the same fellow,I admit, specially the mouth part. With a head riddled with bullets, it was difficult to be 100% sure. But the world was sure and slowly, I too accepted that this guy was no more. Till late in the night, the family was discussing the consequences and repercussions of this death.

Wonder why??

Because as a middle-class muslim family, we’ve had our share of abuse because of him.

Remember 9/11??

I was doing my post-graduation at that time, didn’t have a TV or a radio at home. When I reached college, I heard a lot of animated conversation around. Conversation, that would suddenly stop in its tracks when someone spotted me. Gradually, someone came up to me and asked me if I knew what had happened that day? I remember joking about some lecturer not turning up for class. Alas, the truth, when told, was more horrific. Because, though I was informed about the ghastly deed, it was with a lot of raised eye-brows and hidden questions. ‘Did you know about it? How do you feel now that your people have done such a horrific thing’?

Good friends stuck by me, not bringing up the issue in front of me, unless I did so myself. I could feel their reluctance to talk about in my presence. For the life of me, I could not understand why they thought talking bad about the taliban would hurt me!! I have NOTHING to do with them, I could have yelled and it would still have fallen on deaf ears.

My brother had a traditional day in his office that day. He wore a Pathani to work. The minute he entered the office, the first thing he heard was a colleague shouting across the workhall, “Kya ______, yeh kya kiya tune??” Brother was obviously confused, until colleagues came up and demanded explanations about why he blew up those towers. Can anyone imagine the humiliation, the consternation of being accused of such a heinous crime publicly?? Something which he had NO hand in whatsoever?

It was the same for years after. No PG accommodation/hostel was ready to take me in after learning of my surname. I walked from one place to another, saw that there was vacancy and yet, the owners would claim that the place was taken. It came to a point when the first thing I did after ringing the bell was to let the owners know that I was a muslim and if they were okay with keeping me as a paying guest. Should I be surprised that ALL of them bluntly told me that they don’t keep muslims. The only time I got a place was when a girl living in one house turned out to be an old friend from Dehra-Dun days. Even then, she didn’t tell the owner aunty that I was a muslim. It was only on the day that I entered the house that she found out the truth. She didn’t like it one bit, but it was too late to back out. Thankfully, the one year that I stayed with her, she encountered no issues with me and we got along rather well.

In all this, would it have mattered to anyone if I told them that my father was a war-decorated army officer? That he spent 35 years of his service for his country, a country that is as much mine as it is yours? That patriotism runs in our blood as much as it runs in yours!!

You know what irks me the most? That no other religion bears the brunt of activities of some of its outcasts!

So a bunch of Sikhs can blow up a Kanishka, but no one will point a finger at a Sardar and insinuate that he’s a terrorist or a persona non-grata. Christian terrorists can blow up sections of the North-east in India or hundreds in Cuba, but no one will ever dare to term Christianity as a terrorist-religion. Hindu fanatics will go around burning people alive, but Hindus will always be the ones terrorized . Its only when a muslim terrorist blows up a place and the entire populace is quick to term ALL muslims as violent. ALL muslims are terrorists. ALL muslims should be avoided, boycotted. Like the time the BF was in USA and was refused accommodation because of his religion. Yes, even he was directly told by the owners that they didn’t rent space to muslims. Whom did the BF finally put up with?? Other muslim students who were similarly shunned. The irony is that the BF was on H1 visa to US with his colleague and good friend, who was a hindu. His friend got a place easily, the BF didn’t. I think, if you are NOT a minority, this kind of humiliation would be difficult for you to fathom.

(Please note, I’m NOT pointing fingers at anyone here. I’m just puzzled at the way the wave caught up about equalizing muslims with terrorists. It has come to such an extent that it is actually fashionable to talk of the two in the same breath!!)

This is something we go through each day. Try hunting for a house in a good society…..sorry, No muslims. Try getting admissions to a good college…..sorry , no muslims. Try even schools ……and you have a fledgling of a chance of getting a seat. And even then, you’ll be made to feel gratitude, because, you see, the management doesn’t generally allow muslims, but they’ll make a concession for you . For a hefty amount, of course!

Now that Osama lies buried somewhere in the Arabian sea (probably eaten up by the fishes by now), a normal middle-class muslin can think of breathing easy, for a while. But somewhere, there will also be a niggling thought eating at us that this may just as well be the beginning of the end. Things may just get worse from here. We may rejoice his death, but there are many more like him around for comfort. And the stigma that lies buried in everyone’s mind will never go, Osama or no Osama.

But I guess this is just the pessimist in me speaking. I would LOVE to be proved wrong. I would love to see my kids holding their heads high when they walk into prestigious schools, places where they get admission on their merit and not religious inclination. I would LOVE to live in a society where the neighbors don’t call their kids back home just because they entered our house. I would LOVE it if my kids came back from school and talk about their achievements rather than wonder why their teacher called them some bigoted names. I would LOVE to see my kids mingling with other children, understanding about their culture and religion and not wonder why no one’s bothered about their’s. I would LOVE to have the freedom to be treated as an equal citizen of this country, a place I was born and brought up in. A place I love just as much as you if not more. A place, I hope my kids get a chance of knowing and loving as much I do.

For the former, I think they are being too generous. For the latter, far too stingy.

Frankly, what I don’t understand is, who are these people who do random research on how much time a woman gives for her children, or herself for that matter. What is the purpose or aim of these researches? Is the purpose to send the women on a guilt trip? Or to send them a reminder that they are shirking from their so-called ‘primary responsibilities’? Or to emphasize on how bad this generation is compared to the last?

What??

I fail to understand these studies. I fail to under how they conclude on those random figures.

Forget UK, I’m sure every working mom around the world would bristle at the blatant way it is declared that working women give 81 minutes of ‘quality time’ inclusive of meals! Who are these people who come up with a random figure of ’26’ and ’81’ minutes. Really!

I am a working Mom.

Which ultimately translates to oodles fo chaos at home. It helps that I live in a joint family and in my absence, I do have people (read family) to look after the kids. There are times when I wonder if I jumped into the parenting bandwagon without proper planning. At others, I wonder if I took long to come to the decision! Whatever the case, I know what all goes into bringing up children and I’m doing my damn best to ensure that my kids never complain about the time I give them. Thankfully, they don’t. Not yet.

But in doing so, I compromise on the ‘me’ time. I love reading, the last book I read was more than 6 months back. I love baking. The last cake I baked was 4 months back. I love doing embroidery, a little darning, drawing, painting and what not. I’ve given it all up so that I spend that time with my kids. 26 minutes?! I’ll be shouting from the rooftops if I get even 15 minutes to myself (except when I crash after the kids call it a night!). When I’m not playing with the kids, feeding them, washing their bums, bathing them or taking them to the park, I’m busy with office . And when I’m not in office, I’m home, running a thousand errands for the MIL or the GMIL or the BF. Making sure that the gears which run the family are well oiled. I buy the groceries and the other necessities, making sure that everyone at home gets what they want. The day I have to leave early for work, I get up at 5:30 in the morning and make sure that I prepare the lunch boxes of all the working members and also the meals for the ones staying at home.

I know of so many other women who run the same routine. Its hectic, tiring and sometimes irritating. But I’m putting in my best efforts. I LOVE my job. So I put in hard work there too. It is nothing new or out of the ordinary. There are millions of other women out there who are making sure that their homes run well in spite of their jobs. So if some random group comes along and tells me that I have only 26 minutes to myself, I can easily say, buddy. Get real!! The figure is ZERO! Zilch, nada!

And if anyone else comes up and says that I’m not spending enough time with my kids, he’s in for a royal bashing! Every minute that I’m not in office, I spend with the kids (now don’t get technical and remind me of the time I take to travel between home and office! It doesn’t count). I may be bone tired when I come back home, but I still play peek-a-boo with the kids, still run after them, climb furniture along with them, drape bed sheets over tables and chairs and call it our home, narrate stories as I feed them, pick up thrown stuff a zillion times, change them whenever they pee or poop and mop the floor another dozen of times. I dare anyone to tell me that all this is NOT inclusive of ‘quality time’!!

If not, then WHAT IS?!!

The article is not only affront to women in UK (who I feel are VERY wrongly targetted by such reports) but also an insinuation at the working mother populace at large. The MIL faced a lot of flak in her younger years when she was working and had three kids. There were accusations on the way her children were brought up. The same people are now having trouble handling their own. The BF and his brother do not have any vices. They dont drink or smoke or hang out in wrong company. No wild partying and boozing for them. People may argue that a woman’s absence leads the kids onto the wrong path, but I’m not convinced. I see a different scenario at home. And I know, that it is not the amount of time I give them, but the kind of time I give them that matters. There will come a time when the kids wouldn’t want to be with me, preferring the company of their friends over me. I’m fine with that. But what would worry me then, would be to sit idle, and wonder about all that I could have done, had I stuck to the job and not quit. This is something the MIL keeps reminding me of whenever I think of quitting. She says I need to work, not for the kids or the family, but for myself. That is, IF I like what I do. And I can I see her point.

Frankly, I also fail to understand the BIG hype over working women and homes/families.

How come there are no researches on how much time a man spends at work and at home, how much time he devotes to his children, how much he contributes towards the running of the household! Also, if you read those articles, you can make out the faint condescending undertone of it .Its like gently knocking on our already fragile sentiments . Exactly what is achieved, I fail to understand 😦

Anyhow, I’ll take a break from my rant and put down a little comment by the kids this morning. As I was leaving for office, Lui and Shobs informed me that they had pooped in their diapers. So I rolled up the sleeves and got to work. Once we were done washing the bums (after much splashing around), the kids walked out of the bathroom, beaming and clapping their hands and proudly declaring, “Mumma…kitna maza aaya na?!”

This is the kind of time I spend with the kids.

Needless to say I left with a smile on my lips and water sloshing around my feet. 81 minutes be damned. Even these 5 minutes are enough for us 😀

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This is about my friends who are 30 plus and what they are facing in life today.

For the record, my BFF group has two members who are 30+ and still single. Which isn’t really something bad. Both my friends are strong independent women who have made a life for themselves and their families. BFG has set up her own business and BFS just bought a house for her parents. In fact, for the last few years, BFS has not only run her household, she has also supported her younger sister’s education and its related expenses. Slowly, but surely, she has now bought a vehicle and also booked a house. I know I’m immensely proud of my friend for doing all that she has, because somewhere deep inside, I know I wouldn’t be able to handle the hardships that she has!! She not only has my unbound love, but also deep admiration. The same goes for BFG.

I met them both yesterday when I attended BFG’s sister’s wedding. Since no good proposals were turning up for BFG , she gave the green signal for her younger sister to get married. I believe her parents were in a quandary, but it was rather generous of BFG to take this decision. And oh, a few years back, even BFC took the same decision. Her younger sister got married much before her. I know it is a taboo in our society if a younger one gets married before the elder one, and I know how much flak these two and their parents must have received! But these girls were ready to brave society for the sake of their sibling’s happiness.

Anyhow, so there I was at the wedding, waiting for the baraat to come, when me and BFS got talking about her single status. During the course of conversation, I found out some really startling facts. BFS explained how difficult it gets each day when she has to thwart attempts by lecherous men who think she is ‘desperate’ to get married. Even the flirting is not harmless anymore as more and more men claim themselves available for her. What’s worse is that most of these guys are husbands of her friends. Some guys are her childhood friends. She thought they would know her better. But alas. Just because she is still single, they shower her with their sympathy and boldly claim that they will find a suitable guy for her, if not then they are ready to present themselves!!

Thank you, but NO THANKS!!

BFS had a bad experience in love and I’m not surprised that she is playing her cards rather carefully. She doesn’t want to make the same mistake twice and doesn’t mind waiting till the right man comes along. Heck, she’s not even keen to find a man anymore. I don’t blame her. The cad who left her was a stink-worm from the word go. While BFS was struggling and fighting with her family for this guy, he was busy planning on relocating to Australia where his fiancée was a resident! Yeah, that’s right. He had a fiancée tucked in one corner of the world and was busy cozying up with another here! Thankfully, BFS found out about him before she took the final step of leaving behind her family for him. It was a shock, a brutal one at that, but the way my friend came out of it is remarkable. She is now so much stronger and wiser, a new confidence brimming from every pore, something which totally defies her tiny petite frame!

As for BFG, she’s rather reserved in matters of the heart. Though she did come close to nearly accepting a proposal from a guy, who also turned out to be a rotten deal. Luckily, BFG was not deeply involved with him and she could back-out in time with minimal heartbreak. But the scars are there. It’s not so easy to give oneself up for love when one suffers such setbacks.

Apart from the love-lives, my friends are a huge success in all other aspects. They are financially independent women, decision makers, responsible elders in their families, whom other members look up to. Whom even friends like me look up to. I envy them their success, their rock-solid foundation. It is only a matter of time before they too settle into matrimony or motherhood. I don’t wonder when, because I’m sure they are meant to have a family of their own. And more than anything else, I’m glad they have supportive families, loving parents and siblings who come what may, stand behind them. I know BFG and BFS have to face a lot of ‘well-meaning’ relatives who question them on their single status. Though frankly, it is none of their business! One guy, who is a friend of BFS’ elder sister, even had the audacity to preach BFS on how she’s in denial mode and how she’s taking her family on a wild goose chase (groom-hunting) and how she should just confront her parents and accept that she’s not interested in marriage!! It was a total WTF moment when I heard this. Who the hell is this guy to decide whether BFS wants to get married or not. Who the hell is he anyway? The interfering busybody!!! If it was me, he would have received an earful by now and if he ever had the guts to face me, I’d go straight for the jugular!!

Phew!

I’ve been rather disturbed by the talk I had yesterday.

Why can’t people leave girls alone? Why is their existence defined by their marital status? I know my friends want a husband (and children too) , but why should they agree to marry the first lout who comes along? Is growing older synonymous with being choice-less? What if they are waiting for the right guy? Who are we to decide when the wait should stop?

There is so much that needs to change……but isn’t it high time we directed some respect towards women?! Specially ones who have proven themselves in every possible aspect, except marriage! Why term them failures just because they don’t have another surname appended to their own? Why be judgemental of them or think of them as ‘loose’ or ‘available’?!

My heart went out to BFS when she admitted that more men ‘proposed’ to her now than before and that most of these guys are married men!! What were they thinking?!! That just because she isn’t married, she’d be willing to hop into their beds?!! Eat crap guys!! Because that’s all you deserve!!

There’s not much I can do for my friends, except maybe pray for them to be stronger and ride this wave, to not let ugly words and attitude ruin the good that is today. I know they will ultimately get what they deserve, both of them being gentle, loving girls who will never hurt an ant!

When did we start expecting politicians to lend credence to our religion??

Isn’t the Golden Temple greater than Obama?

I could only shake my head in dismay when I read this part :-

“If these rumors (of cancellation) are true, this is a tremendously disappointing moment for the entire Sikh community and religious minorities in general. What was supposed to be affirmation and recognition of a young, vibrant, and growing religious minority, has devolved into a race to the bottom.”

A race to the bottom?? You’re kidding right?

Don’t YOU believe that your’s is a young, vibrant and growing religious minority? Don’t we Indians accept that fact? Isn’t that enough? Why the need for an American President to put his stamp of approval?

It looks like I’m ranting again 😦

But can’t help it.

Though we are now used to looking at the West for EVERYTHING, I never thought religion would be a part of that. World recognition does not stem from propaganda, it stems from the core of the religion, whichever you may follow.

Anyhow!!

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Now that the back-slapping and applauding of CWG have died down, we get to hear of the uglier side of it which was kept under wraps. No, the corruption was exposed much earlier. I’m talking of what happened behind the scenes when the delegates came over to the Games Village. Of all the stuff reported, I personally feel that the worst was the behavior of the Police. Laughing at the delegates?!! WHY??

Unlike what we like to believe, Atithi is dev only if they belong to the Caucasian race. Mongoloid, Africans and Dravidians are a strict no-no. Ample proof lies in how students of North-Eastern states are treated in other parts of the country, or how African students are harassed here.

No use ranting here……we still suffer from the Raj hangover 😦

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Talk about the pressures of being a girl!!

It’s now Saina Nehwal’s turn to confess that her grandmother wanted a boy instead of her.

So typical isn’t it?

I mean, I know a lot of my friends who are even today, under pressure to give birth to a boy. And if they don’t have a boy, their daughters don’t receive the love and attention they deserve. I mean, if you don’t have a boy, you are incomplete!! And though I’ve ranted about it enough, there seems to be no end to the blatant way in which I see women bowing down to such pressure! A dear friend at work is trying for a second baby. Though she says she’s happy with whatever God gives her, she sneaks a peak at chinese calendars, or reads through the net on how she can increase her chances of having a boy. I don’t try to advise her otherwise. She is a victim of the mindset which is so, SO deeply ingrained in us, it is almost a part of our gene-code.

That would make for a new study, isn’t it? I mean, just suppose, by looking at a person’s DNA scientists can figure out whether S/he is an Indian or not 😀 . Wow!! We’ll have a unique international identity! Wowza!!

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Sanjay had twins.Yay!!

A boy and a girl. Double Yay!!

Now why wasn’t it front page news when I delivered twins?! Hmmpphh!

Maybe because I wasn’t close to 50 when I did!

Or the BF wasn’t old enough!

Whatever!!

I’m not jealous, really. Not at all.

Just ticked off miserably 😦

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Life with RS & SS

"You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore... but let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you."
Author: Khalil Gibran
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Aren't those lines beautiful?! Each time I mention that I have twins, I simply LOVE the way the words feel to my ears...as if, just saying it was a blessing (which it is).
Each day, each hour, minute,second is a blessing.
I cant even think of my life before you two....Its almost as if it all got wiped off and I started life afresh after you both arrived.
Me, as a mother was born the day you two did....and together, we grow, we learn, we love, we laugh, we live.