Never Half-Ass Two Things

21 May 2015

I spent Monday and Tuesday of this week at a conference in DC, joining a learning intensive as faculty and a panelist. After the conference on Tuesday, I scurried back to Frederick just in time to join a book club meeting that evening. Too tired to do much of anything Tuesday night, I went to bed early, woke up at the crack of dawn the next morning to do some work before my Wednesday yoga class, then rushed home to shower, change, and load the car for our board's quarterly meeting last night.

In news that will likely surprise no one: I felt under-prepared for the conference on Monday, I hadn't finished the book in time for the book club meeting on Tuesday, and I forgot a few significant pieces of paper needed for the board meeting on Wednesday. I have been, contrary to Ron Swanson's words of wisdom, half-assing not just two things, but many things all at once.

This is a mistake I've made more times than I can count, and you'd think I'd know better by now. Luckily, none of the mistakes I made this week were catastrophic in nature, but I spent more energy stressing out over what I couldn't remember I'd forgotten than I needed to, and all because I haven't yet found the capacity within myself to say no.

I say this not because I was pressured into doing any one of these things this week: I was excited about all three things on my calendar and am energized by the enthusiasm and conversation that came in each. But by failing to recognize my own capacity--not just to physically arrive in one place after the next, which was its own kind of challenge, but to be there mentally as well--I failed to bring my best self to any or all of these activities.

I'm not the first person--and certainly not the first woman--to write about the difficulties of saying "no." We as individuals are constantly asked for things, for support, for time, and I know I've made huge strides in saying no to opportunities and requests that I know are not a fit for me.

But how to say no to things I want to do? How do I balance the time and energy I have in a day with all of the many, many places I want to be in that time? I want to maintain my blog and write for Shelf Awareness and try my hand at writing about books in new ways for new sites. I want to participate in the conference and also make it to that book club meeting and also be on top of my game for our board meetings. I want to take amazing photographs and find time to edit and share them and also walk my dog and go for a run and have a clean house. I want to read all the review books I'm sent and also all these classics collecting dust on my shelf and also every book my friends have recommended to me.

What I've always done in an attempt to do more and be more and think more is try my best at multi-tasking: I write reviews during my lunch breaks from work (and have to go back to edit them later); I listen to audiobooks while I clean the house (and often stop the cleaning to listen or rewind when I realize I've missed a section); I read ten pages book club book on the metro ride out of DC after the conference (and retained very little of it). My constant push for efficiency at all costs has made me inefficient. It's time for a reset. It's time to going back to doing--and enjoying--what I'm doing at any given moment for what it is, not for what it allowed me to do simultaneously. It's time to start whole-assing one thing at a time and stop half-assing all the rest.

16 comments

Girl, I SO FEEL YOU on this topic. It's super hard when you have varied interests and crazy ambition, and to have to try and temper that is even more challenging! I find lists help me in the instance, but sometimes THAT can become overwhelming as well, when I need to have lists in different categories, because there's just so much to get done. And then I end up collapsing and doing nothing! I commend you for your self actualization and reflection of these things, and it inspires me to do a little soul searching myself. Excellent post, and you can never go wrong with taking advice from Ron Swanson :)

Oh my Lord - you just described my entire life the past few years! I am a slave to my to do list and forget things all the time. But, I love your slogan/motto and you seem like you're making some changes to better balance things. I had to cut back the frequency of my blog posts recently for the same reason :)

I think when we pile so many things on (even things we enjoy) that we totally stress out, it takes the enjoyment out of all of the things you normally enjoy anyway...

I found myself in the many half asses boat near the end of the semester and it's just such a horrible feeling. I have to remind myself that it feels worse to half ass and be overwhelmed than it does to say no to something I want to do.

Ron Swanson is the best fictional mentor we could ask for. But I do this too, and way too often. I feel like I'm constantly rushing around without fully enjoying what I'm doing, but I've been trying SO HARD to focus on one thing at a time.

It's such a challenge when you have so many interests and only so many hours in a day. It can be hard to accept that you can't, in fact, do everything you want to do (especially interesting in light of the idea that women can "have it all").

Yes! It is. I've tried to integrate that idea in my work life (i.e. close Twitter and email and all un-related windows when working on a document; step away from the computer and phone when reading on a deadline) but I apparently haven't been able to take that thinking to a higher level and really focus my attention on one thing completely. Working on it, though...

Exactly. I want to sign on for all the things I love and enjoy, but when I do too many things, it takes the enjoyment out of all of them, which defeats the purpose. Working on getting better about that...

Yep, when I push too hard to do too much I end up spending a day staring at the interwebs and/or crappy television shows and getting nothing done because my brain is so desperate for some kind of reset. And Ron Swanson really is the best, isn't he?

I have no idea how you do it- a full time job and 3 writing jobs as well. You may feel inefficient but the fact that you're not hospitalized is proof you're not. Having said that, I get wanting to do things well. I used to be great at multitasking but now my brain has become much more linear and if I try to do multiple things it doesn't go well. I'm learning the Ron Swanson way but it's not easy in our society.

Agh this is so tough and definitely kept me from always bringing my best self to my work in college. I mean, I still did well, but it was always last minute stuff I didn't feel great about. Now that I've graduated and I'm taking the summer to myself and to work my summer job, I made a list of things I actually care about and that didn't get very much of my time in the past 4 years. It's going to be interesting trying to figure out how to prioritize things!