Posts Tagged ‘Lucozade’

HAPPY days for mums and dads looking to make their sons the next Wayne Rooney – the makers of Lucozade and Irn-Bru tells parents that the drinks may cause hyperactivity.

It’s no guarantee – but fingers crossed that without enough Lucozade and Irn Bru in his diet by the time Armani takes to the pitch he’ll be so charged up and off his face he’ll make our Wayne look as docile as, well Wayne Rooney at the World Cup.

Warning: Lucozade does not work on everyone – a fact illustrated by Alan Shearer who despite endorsing the drink looks to be barely alive when talking in a TV capacity while seated.

A newly introduced EU law enforces Lucozade and Irn Bru to carry “warnings” (surely a promise? – ed) that the drinks can cause young children to go bonkers, running about and screaming obscenities.

“Britain’s 9/11” – The Independent doesn’t know when the bombs were to be detonated but needs a date to position the atrocity on the West, as media protocol dictates. Foreign horrors are known by their location: Mumbai Massacre etc.

“GUILTY OF PLOTTING SEVEN LOCKERBIES” – the Sun aims to keep things on-theme by indicating that all seven plans would have been destroyed over Scotland, thus ensuring that any guilty parties would one day be released to a rapturous homecoming in, er, Luton.

The Times goes with the 9/11 angle, and has more facts:

* But it took three years, two lengthy trials, a massive surveillance operation and more than £50 million in police and legal costs…

* Counter-terrorist police, the security services and prosecutors spent more than £35 million foiling the plot and bringing Ali to justice…