Lessons Learned.

In Ohio I've never really been hit on by men. It's was a foreign concept for men to be interested in me because I feel I've just always been unattractive enough and dress too strangely to pique their interest. When I moved to New York City, it was shocking to me to be hit on by men because it's something that's never happened. Perhaps it's because I come across sheer thousands of more people in one day than I do in a week in Ohio. Or, perhaps I just had a glow to me because I was so happy in New York. I really don't know (it still perplexes me to this day why men were suddenly so interested in me). But with men's sudden interest in me, I dipped my toes into the world of dating this summer.

Between one five year relationship, taking a good year and a half to get over that, and then dating another for a year... I haven't had much time for casually going on dates. It's a concept so foreign to me and if I think about it, actually kind of funny that at 22 years old I'd really never played the dating game. Both my boyfriends had been from my home town and I knew them before we dated. There really wasn't much of a 'courting' process; we just liked each other and started dating. That was it! So it was perplexing and like a whole new world to go out on these dates with these random guys I met throughout the city this summer.Some I met on tinder; which my fellow interns at Cosmo dared me to get because they thought it would be a hilarious experience for a girl like me. (turns out they were right). Others I met just out and about where they asked for my number. I learned so much from each guy I went on a date (or two, or three) with. Some were jerks; others were honestly the nicest guys I've ever met. Casually dating this summer was a huge stepping stone for me in the big scheme of helping me further develop who I am as a person. Because it's one thing to be yourself by yourself. Another to be yourself with a solid boyfriend. And a whole other level to be yourself with a strange man whom you're trying to impress. Some dates I can say I was completely myself, and would let my guard down so the guy could see the real me. Other dates I frustrated myself because I allowed myself to be controlled by the opinions of people who don't matter. I let my insecurities take over. Not necessarily physical insecurities, but personality ones. I've never been confident in my personality because it's not one people naturally gravitate to. It's definitely not a "people person" personality. I don't know how to be funny and I'm incredibly awkward unless I'm engaging in deep, meaningful conversation. When I'm there, I feel comfortable. But if I'm trying to stay afloat in surface level small talk, I find myself quickly drowning in a sea of "they must think I'm boring, odd, unintelligent, and very dull" panic.

I learned quickly after those dates that if I felt like I couldn't be myself with the guy, then he wasn't worth my time. It was an important lesson I took away to not dim my shine down for any man; no matter how insecure I feel. I now know that the right man will see my light and admire me even more for it.

I have a lot of thoughts on my dating experiences this summer. Lots of revelations realized and pieces of advice taken from lessons (sometimes) learned. I feel kinda like Taylor Swift right now if I'm being honest, but I really can't wait to continue sharing the pieces and parts of these moments I had with you all. Dumb as it sounds, dating shaped me so much more as a person because there is no harsher reality of learning about yourself than through boldly making mistakes. Living boldly. Words I never thought would apply to my life. I'm a person who loves routine and safety. By allowing myself to live boldly this summer though, I opened myself to parts I didn't know existed. It felt so incredible to finally reach outside that comfort zone I've trapped myself in.

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lovely little notes:

I can relate to this post. People are always shocked that I don't get hit on much, even before I was ill I would be out and about london all the time. My friend says I'll have a shock if I ever go to Italy with her! I think British men are very reserved at times.I find the whole dating thing really alien and it feels so unnatural to me. I'm like you, I knew my ex before we were dating, in fact for years! So it felt natural. I really do think that we all need to find out who we are before taking on a full on relationship. I'm glad your summer of dating was a positive and freeing thing for you.Also you look so graceful in these photos.

I know exactly how you feel Lauren! I'm a bit younger- I am about to start college, and so I went to orientation and activities and such. When I was there, there were hundreds of guys that I had never met before so I was a bit overwhelmed and intimidated, and I felt different when I tried to talk to them and make a good impression, hoping I'd spark conversation with someone. I failed miserably. And now, I laugh as I tell my friends this story, but I do know now how to better act- which in my case is not to act. Trying to be myself is a struggle, but it is a goal that I have set myself as I embark on college away from home.

Totally loved this post! Thank you so much for sharing! I love how you write- the honesty and just the way you structure your sentences has always captured my attention as a reader. I totally found this useful, and actually had a similar experience when I went to Ecuador, three times. To this day I have no idea why that is the only place I am actually hit on... perhaps it's the culture... who knows?! haha. And also congrats on your internship this past summer in NYC- I was totally rooting for ya!

Excellence is a better teacher than mediocrity. The lessons of the ordinary are everywhere. Truly profound and original insights are to be found only in studying the exemplary. See the link below for more info.

I’m Lauren. A 23 year old recent transplant to NYC and the blogger behind this nook of the internet. This is the place where I write out my soul, bare my heart, and welcome you to do the same. Grab a warm cup of something and stay awhile. x