Wednesday, November 27, 2013

To combat player indecision/lassitude, the local monarch has a mandatory dungeon mission.

d12
1. Find the dungeon's deepest well, extract and return with one bucket-full of the primordial goo at well bottom
2. Princeling telepathically calls out for aid, stuck in a covered pit in a hallway filled with same on third level
3. Deliver ransom to Dungeon Overlord and retrieve hostage (royal chef of surpassing talent), time is of the essence!
4. Discover entrances and map entirety of level three in preparation for mass assault by Royal Commandos, remain undetected, no witnesses
5. Give the quasi-lich his powerful ancient relic back stat so he'll cool it with the plagues and curses
6. Capture and return with previously unknown species of ooze for important arcane research project
7. Assassinate turncoat court vizier currently in the employ of Dungeon Overlord
8. Deliver flowers and chocolate to medusa for love-sick bachelor monarch, she will be the one who wears her snakes in elaborate braided updo
9. Steal single tooth from venerable dragon on level eight without awakening the menace, good news: magical anesthetic, teeth falling out anyway, not-so-good: dragon worshipped by humanoid cult famous for vigilance, dedication to duty
10. Negotiate contract with mercenary band of bloodthirsty humanoids on level two, do not alert rival humanoids on level one
11. Sow seeds of insurrection by revealing captured plans of Dungeon Overlord to various factions noted as "entirely expendable", limit looting, slay only as necessary
12. Deposit arcane explosive device on deepest dungeon level then get the hell out

Bite
d12
1. Single fang through the brain, if victim survives: personality, mental capacities permanently changed
2. Dragon gets a good grinding chew in before letting go, double damage
3. Bites off the hand/arm holding the weapon/magic item of greatest use against the dragon, swallows hard, grins
4. Limb seized, victim flung into ceiling (if outdoors, smashed into the ground) for extra bonus impact damage
5. Bitten around torso, victim must somehow escape the next round or be chomped in half
6. Snips off random limb and down the hatch quick as you like
7. Victim impaled on fang and stuck fast, dragon gets automatic claw, claw attack to shed the attachment
8. The old bite and shake: no one ever survives that but PCs are special so you get a saving throw, success indicates double damage
9. Takes a huge chunk out of neck and shoulder, bleed out in three rounds
10. Face raked with rasped tongue, flesh sheered off leaving only skull and goggling eyes
11. Swallowed whole, straight down the gullet, could possibly trigger involuntary eruption of breath weapon, otherwise it's off to the gizzard for a sound thrashing
12. Head bitten off, chewed, spat out at comrades' feet

Saturday, November 23, 2013

d12
1. Vulnok the Vain: mirrored shades, luxurious blond hair swept up into shape of conical wizard's hat, rides in majestic pose atop the shoulders of his powerful dwarf bearer in fashionable armor, spell book loaded w/arcane beauty aids
2. Hyrantides the Tremulous: wears living cloak of protection fashioned of self-repairing fungi, anticipates incoming blows and bunches up to reduce damage to host, hat and shoulders covered with growth of miniature shriekers triggered by penetration of personal space
3. Eeyika-ah, the Master of Levitation: legs shrivelled from disuse, train of gear follows along behind in mid-air, in constant deep meditative state, speaks from mystic second mouth in forehead
4. Proposus the Pliable: extensible rubber-like arms can conduct business up to 20' away, snake around in the air to form mystic signs and sigils of power
5. Frokulon of Frand: animate beard, provides gestural component to spell casting, unfurls scrolls, makes notations in spell book, hands free to get stabby with twin ebon demon-daggers
6. K'lolos the Cursed: jaw and mouth resemble that of shark, must eat unbelievable quantities of human flesh to sustain sorcerous might, travels with personal chef liberated from Cannibal Isle and pressed into service, must collect and consume large number of perfectly pure hearts and brains unsullied by wickedness for cure, logbook shows good progress but still long way to go
7. Veletrix the Green: half-man, half-vegetable as a result of successful bid to extend natural life, if human half killed by violence constantly regenerating veg half takes over gleefully to exact vengeance on all meat-devils
8. Gorofrond Oozefriend: guarded by faithful gelatinous sphere that self-inflates into escape dirigible upon command, may vomit up rainbow choice of variety of oozes for every occasion thrice daily
9. Eendros the Calamity-weaver: handsome, youthful head transplanted onto towering mummy body, speaks in garbled mishmash of tongues, knows all the death spells, can throw blocks of masonry as hill giant
10. Thruun Boltrider: obsessed with lightning spells, entire spell-book loaded with variations on the theme, thick rubber gloves/boots, eyes crackle with electricity, nervous around water
11. Mad Murthrin: involuntarily projects demi-material hallucinations, surrounded by swirling cloud of tiny demonic advisers issuing put-downs, seems friendly but lashes out without warning
12. Tundolu Two-heads: first head wears wizard hat, second head gagged and blindfolded, if blindfold removed issues bolts of reality-tearing energy that rapidly tunnel through to adjacent dimensions, if un-gagged hollers obscenity-laden revelations re: the true nature of the universe

Thursday, November 21, 2013

d12
1. Mounted messenger, half-crazed, at full gallop bearing entirely false report of zombie apocalypse
2. Wagon train full of circus performers led by the World's Tallest Halfling, bearer of enchanted monster-repelling amulet
3. Broken mercenary war band, barely enough men on their feet to bear the fallen upon their shields, unconscious wizard employer in critical condition, returning to HQ to extract payment from next of kin
4. Royal archaeologist and swarm of grad students excavate section of road where, if their wild extrapolations from scanty physical evidence are correct, the bones and legendary war-kit of an ancient hero remain undisturbed
5. Battle-nurse in gleaming mail w/enchanted bludgeon of purification travels w/squad of armed aides to site of duel to save the life of stricken noble
6. Stampeding war-horses with only the smoldering hips and legs of their riders remaining
7. Creaking wooden wagon-tower drawn by huge cat, self-luminous green witch in black leather peers out from battlement, gleefully accosts passersby, hands out boons or banes at whim
8. Culinary wizard in mystic robes, extra-tall chef hat, sets out for famine-struck province to proliferate hardy edible fungus, current generation produces semi-disturbing side-effects
9. Public health official returning from investigation of plague outbreak in the grain-producing provinces, doesn't feel so hot himself
10. Wicked sorcerer wearing aviators goggles and scarf test pilots all-terrain necro-mobile propelled by scads of disembodied human legs, performance exceeds expectations, emits howls of self-satisfied laughter
11. Famous demigod seething with rage after learning of human mother's horrible fate: devoured by divine father, en route to holy mountain to destroy the terrifying old man, welcomes any brave enough to come along
12. Disgraced former Dungeon Overlord w/ragtag band of various monsters, slithers off after disastrous raid by super-powerful adventurers, seeks cozy little cave complex in the country in need of strong leadership

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

d12
1. Sweaty, brutish lout fresh from the wilderness in owlbear-skin suit, giant moustache, smells like beef jerky, utters continuous hate speech against demihumans/savages/foreigners
2. Tall, slender but w/ sinews like steel bands, mismatched bits of gear and armor from defeated foes, despises holy men and paladins because who do they think they are?
3. Scarred escapee from generations of servitude would gleefully hack member of gentry at any opportunity, froths at any obsequious displays, counsels hirelings/henchmen to abandon their masters, collection of teeth knocked out of noble heads
4. Old warrior, too broke to retire, shrivelled but w/ highly refined murder skills, wracking cough, likes to pick on the weak, issues stream of insult comic jabs until target provoked, hides behind lout in entry 1
5. Bloated creep, trickle of saliva from slack lip, incredibly strong but only good for about a minute of combat before wheezing, challenges big guys to feats of strength w/heavy wagering, trash talk, won't pay out if defeated because victor must have cheated
6. Paranoid fighter w/one giant hand won't stop talking about the red reptilians who actually control everything, takes challenges to world view as personal affront
7. Charred fireball survivor can smell a magic-user a stone's throw away and unwilling to take any chances
8. Barrel-bellied gentleman, plate armor straining to contain ever expanding girth, feels all disputes should be resolved via competitive drinking
9. Constable relieved of duties after questionable handling of arrest would love to vent spleen in violent outburst, but to do so lawfully must be struck first
10. Well-spoken cretin espouses half-baked barroom Social Darwinism, goes on at length about how the poor get what they deserve
11. Famous local outlaw fresh from the tailor in fashionable togs, drops silver indiscriminately, gleefully buys round after round, involuntarily hinting at big score he's not supposed to talk about
12. Beloved hero of the previous decade, once-resplendent martial gear now stained and rusty, a bit weird after the dragon bit his head, staggers into people at random w/jostling force, demands apology, saloon patrons very protective

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

d12
1. Semi-deranged senior citizen had lengthy conversation with some devil or other through her hovel's only door, many disturbing revelations, next visit promised for midnight
2. Philosopher-mage hostile to all religion about to get removed/killed by temple security, hollers out half-crazed/half-sensible diatribe for the abolition of the gods, claims to have concocted new magical argument that will dispel deities if only it can be delivered on their home turf
3. Gaggle of children of high station under tutelage of supremely dangerous monk get first hand lesson on manipulating the masses, tailed by shadowy bat-winged thralls of powerful witch w/ambitious kidnapping scheme
4. Extremely ancient vampire, seen it all, done it all, now looking to end it all
5. Semi-repentant libertine, still at least partially stupefied by recent binge gets the hard sell from clergy, veteran of expedition to local dungeon, knows location of pain in ass treasure
6. Forest ape of above average intellect trying to get a grip on the concept, convinced religiosity is the key by which human nature will at last become comprehensible, but if not, his fellows are correct, humanity must be destroyed
7. Seasoned assassin fresh from gig, immune from prosecution while on temple grounds, performs ritual cleanse followed by fortnight of fasting/meditation, then its off to whack some corrupt official, could maybe use a hand with house guards for cut of astonishing fee
8. Local nobles making customary obeisances and nominal tithes while looking down noses at common rabble, purses fat with filthy lucre, take one look at the PCs and hop back in their palanquins
9. Human trafficker, heavily armed crew of cutthroats w/covered wagon-load of candidates for human sacrifice must have taken a wrong turn somewhere
10. Enshrouded victim of terrible dungeon plague short on time, short on cash for required healing, survivor of ill-fated expedition to nearby dungeon, will trade underworld secrets/rumors for gold
11. Celebrity guest preacher actually magically disguised agent of chaos ready to unleash powers of mind-control on congregation, then begin killing temple clergy one-by-one
12. Sorcerer, beady eyes streaming bitter tears, seeks absolution for crimes against nature, swears off pursuit of the dark arts, renounces worldly possessions including fully stocked tower loaded with magic items (does not mention host of terrifying abominations at liberty within), tears raiment, self-flagellates before shrivelling like a punctured balloon in a black cloud of foulness

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

d12
1. Impostor noble from distant kingdom imposing on hospitality of court: trickster looking to ingratiate, befriend, romance then bilk, borrow, steal, slither off into the night, always looks sharp: ancient magical toga transmutes into any desired raiment once daily
2. League of Evil Physicians chief prepares operating theater for demonstration of novel surgical techniques featuring judicious use of lab-developed slimes, puddings, and jellies
3. Small time arms dealer trying to make the big time, recent alliance w/shady dwarf clan using slave labor to triple output of cheap knockoffs of legendary dwarf war products, samples look terrific
4. Assassin disguised as greatest pastry chef in the land, works in seclusion to prepare colossal cake for prince's birthday, actually frosting covered nail bomb
5. High priest of burgeoning Underworld cult and motley entourage inflict their beastly company upon court, petitioning for mutual non-aggression pact w/the realm, believed to have scads of bejewelled gifts/bribe monies standing by in chambers
6. Traitorous yet super-competent major domo, belittled by the royals for the final time, dying to inject disruptive mayhem into courtly life, PCs look like just the patsies to get things going
7. Eligible young noble, exceedingly well connected and in line for wealth/power, interested in pursuing brief romance with random PC in a ploy to draw out idle suitors of a more desirous variety, once attention garnered instantly discards PC w/public accusations of unsavory conduct
8. Powerful witch in guise of faith healer/spiritual guru to the young nobles, sows the seeds of subtle mind control for the day when the children will destroy their parents and she will harness the potency of this bloodshed to call down her dark masters from the stars
9. Friend of a friend of a hanger-on to the staff of a major noble, also expert duellist, looking for opportunity to make a big splash to kick off campaign of status elevation
10. Thousand year old demigod, somewhat diminished by age but still tremendously scary, showed up drunk and took a wing of the palace for personal use, the royals would love to be rid of the menace
11. Venerable ex-court vizier, forced into retirement by ambitious apprentice, doddering, forgetting spells, now secretly hiring swords to exact his terrible vengeance
12. Mighty hero of the realm, returned from mind-bending sojourn into some Hell or other, armor crafted of green leviathan chitin, wicked radiant war-cleaver sidearm, refuses to remove helmet or speak, takes nourishment through mouth slit, squire cautions everyone against sudden moves

Monday, November 11, 2013

d12
1. Human obstacle: this hulking fellow, once-great warrior dinged in the helmet by a giant, affable at first, simply will not get out of the way, throngs of city folk sympathetic to his plight give wide berth
2. Artificial sheriff: crude handmade badge of station, tattered raiment in imitation of city constabulary, speech like movie Frankenstein, attempts to place random party member under arrest for crimes indecipherable
3. Lady who SCREEEEAAAMMMSS everything she says, generally gets all the way up in grill before letting loose paranoid diatribe describing current city officials as patsies for vampire cabal
4. Peculiar, slightly smelly fellow with no discernible skills or profession who really wants to be friends very badly, persistent, ingratiating, offers self up as retainer happy to perform the lowliest of tasks
5. Genius street urchin who learned charm person from senile magic user
6. Charming old lady who used to be a badass fighter must eat gold to live, metabolism permanently changed by encounter with the legendary Gold River of the Underworld, she's full of stories but expensive tastes must be indulged
7. Suspiciously pale performer actually controlled by vampire monkey sidekick
8. Ol' Snakepockets: reputable breeder specialising in deadly vipers, literally squirming at all times w/ 2d12 living snakes around neck, up sleeves, in pants, hair, headgear, etc.
9. Mighty-looking beggar warrior w/compulsive gambling issue saving up coppers to get sword out of hock, would appreciate help in exchange for services
10. Street surgeon: expelled from academy for outlandish (frequently correct) theories, highly successful secret practice responsible for refurbishing criminal element, provides healing, cures diseases non-magically, barter system, sewer-level offices stuffed with stolen trinkets/magic items
11. World's smallest halfling:almost a foot tall, massive sideburns, bloated, appears ungainly but scampers like anything, catches rats with teeth, looking for work, voice like James Earl Jones
12. Man under witch's curse: skin perpetually bursts into flames, lives in water filled-barrel, street folk bring him victuals, warm themselves