Grump

I’m in an excessively foul mood this morning. I blame hormones and lack of sleep. Around 3am, the dog started barking – presumably because Evan was opening our door. I thought the dog needed to go out, so I was searching for shoes in the dark and telling Evan to go back to bed. As I walked outside I could hear Evan crying in his room and told myself I’d take care of him when the dog was done. When I got back in, Evan was asleep, but June had woken up.

Lately June has been waking up most nights. If I’m lucky, she just wants to find the tag on her blanket or get a drink refill, but more often she wants to come to bed with me. I don’t have the best judgment in the middle of the night, so I brought her to my room once a little while ago and now it’s The Thing To Be Done, in her eyes. Last night I was so grouchy and so tired that I told her I wouldn’t pick her up or take her to my bed, which only made things worse. I stormed back to my room, where the dog wanted to follow me and jump up on the bed. No! My space! Let me have my sleep!!

June cried for quite a while. I unplugged the monitor and eventually went back to sleep.

Jarom, as always, dealt with the kids when morning finally came around. He’s a hero for letting me stay in bed shirking my parental responsibilities, especially when I know my grouching and yelling last night kept him from getting a good night’s rest. Unfortunately, there comes a time when he has to leave for work. I bet today he was glad to go – I wouldn’t want to spend the day around me! The kids keep fussing at me and whining when they say my name and it DRIVES ME CRAZY. I’m so short on patience right now.

On top of that, I haven’t had the focus or energy to make a grocery list, and we’re down to one car, so I can’t go shopping anyway. Things I can eat for breakfast: bread, an egg (if I clean up some of the kitchen to cook and eat with), banana. Those are mostly my lunch options too. Hunger doesn’t help my mood at all!

I’d hoped writing this would improve my outlook. I do feel slightly less grouchy, but now I’m extra tired. Maybe I can trust the kids to not destroy the house while I try to nap?

Ha.

Share this:

Like this:

Related

6 Comments on “Grump”

H doesn’t say my name repeatedly but he does just grab my hand and expect me to go with him EVERYWHERE. Being 2 feet away is not sufficient. Once we’re there (wherever his 14 month old whim carries him) I’m expected to stand there holding his hand while he does his thing. Cute. Endearing. Highly inconvenient.

Isn’t it miserable sometimes to be so in-demand? Even with newborns (maybe ESPECIALLY with newborns), it seems like only Mom will do. And it gets tiring! But I suppose we should stop complaining and treasure these days. I keep hearing that I’ll miss them.

That’s something I’ve been struggling with lately. I don’t want to keep telling myself, “It will be better once Evan starts school, or when June finally gets all her teeth and stops fussing,” because I didn’t choose to have kids just so I could wait for them to leave. At the same time, the here-and-now of parenthood is often so frustrating and exhausting that it’s hard not to imagine when these times are done. Blogging helps me to vent but also to remind myself that my kids are fascinating, crazy, adorable, and wonderful people that I get to be around all day.

I was thinking about this post today. H had a DAY. Poor kid was so exhausted from airplane travel all day yesterday. He threw a fit in the grocery store the likes of which I have never seen. People were staring, of course, but people were also blatantly discussing me right in front of me! It was awful. I wanted to just leave my cart of groceries and slink out of there. I probably would have if we’d have had any food or milk left at home. Someday I’m going to see a mom with a melting down toddler in a store and somehow I’m going to help. I’m just not sure how yet.

It’s hard to know how to help, because there have been times at church when I was out in the hall with a tantrum-y child and someone came to “help” by sharing candy. Actually, this has happened at the grocery store too. I really didn’t want candy as a reward for a meltdown! And when a relative or friend comes and calmly takes my screaming toddler and gets them to quiet down, I feel like a failure as a parent, even though I DID want the tantrum to end. I think it’s easier to be calm and patient when it isn’t your kid throwing the tantrum, though (in some instances). I’ve had times where I want to help a person in the grocery store, but if it were me with a screaming kid, I’d be humiliated that some random stranger is better with my child than I am. I usually wrestle with the dilemma until the tantrum ends or I finish my shopping. Yep, I’m a great helper of humanity.