Mama.. there goes that man!!!

At that strange stage in you’re life. The stage where you’re most likely in High School and worrying about what others may think of you or where you exactly fall in line in perspective as in social groups I’ve lost my way I guess you can say. As a young black teen living in Southern Louisiana, the majority of my ethnic group (around 98%) listened to rap, and that it. My other “close” friends was into country. You was kinda shunned away if you was into metalcore or Rock because you seem “unstable.” And the people that did dressed in all black, I guess you could call them emo or scene kids. Anyways. Me trying to fit in with the “normal” people cause me to steer away from a genre that I loved. I honestly love all genre of music, just as long as I can vibe with it.

Fast forward the clock, I’m just out here living life. My friend Mendoza that was also in the Army at the time told me to listen to this group that was becoming big called Crown The Empire. He told me go and check out their EP Limitless. And before you know it, I’m downloading the rest of their albums, and checking in on other bands like Memphis May Fire, Bullet for my Valentines, and A Day to Remember.

It’s funny. It’s funny looking back at things and just thinking. “God. I was such a idiot to deviate from something I liked just worrying about getting judge.” Worrying about something so petty could’ve steer me in the wrong path and I probably missed meeting some pretty cool fucking people. So let’s all take time and revisit stuff you’ve love and you also can fall back in love with it.

P.S: I know Crown the Empire gets a lot of crap for being a shitty metalcore band, but they’ll still my favorite right now and had been for the past two years 🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽

In my opinion, you should never be content on being a dependent. Before I begin, I know there’s families out there and their current income allow one if them to stay home with the kids. Definitely when they’re aren’t old enough to go school. Daycare fees are a bitch.

I’m logging in this post to say if you’re capable of being self-sufficient, but choose not, then that’s the wrong answer. I look back at when I was the most “miserable” and it was when I was 18 living on my own. I wasn’t grandfathered into a business or had help from my family.

My family would absolutely loved to, but they wasn’t in a position to help me out financially and I was a long way from home trying to start my adulthood in a new city, so I couldn’t really sit down and have that great person convo that me and parents had. Anyways, that’s besides the point. I just don’t want you all to think my parents aren’t supportive. They’re fucking awesome.

Anyways, I realized that I can only live the way I did because of the people around me. My biggest thing was being financially dependent on them. It didn’t matter what roommates I had, I just hate that feeling. “What if Johnny don’t have his share of the rent?” – “Is Daniel going to spend all his money on pot?” – “Can I trust Snuffy on this important task or is he going to mess me over again?” But I think there’s my problem, trust. I just don’t want to rely on anyone to sustain my way of life.

In my mid twenties, you would think I would be use to this feeling of uncertainty. I’ve came a long way, accomplished many tasks, so in my mind I’m thinking I should have the confidence to meet certain deadlines of basic things that are “underneath” of what I did previously. I don’t know. I guess it’s a good thing because it keeps me sharp. It gets me to not get sloppy with my work or whatever I’m trying to accomplish. As they say, pressure can create dust or diamonds. I’m just trying not to break with everything going on right now.

To summarize my experience from January 2017 is “that your goals are so close, but every bump in the road cause it to reach out further.” Every time I get close of getting a 2nd place in New Orleans, something always falls through. When trying to get a promotion, I fell short. As a NCO, I believed I have failed my junior soldiers at times. It has been failure and failure and setback after setback.

It’s been quite frustrating really, at times I really don’t know what to because of everything going bad at once and I’m just trying to micro manage everything trying to fix everything. Then I have to worry about my job duties after that.

With all of that being said, January have sucked for me. Hopefully, shit don’t roll down hill and February will be a better month for me. We shall see.

January hasn’t been kind to me at all 😂 so I went into good year praying that all I had to get done was a alignment. Come to find out my right control arm is bent, so something that I thought was just going to cost $105 is now $621.51 😭😭😭

I guess that’s why I went to college to make the big bucks, but what a inconvenience.

“Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but it tells the truth. You mostly envy those who have what you desire.” – Susan Cain

Let’s talk about this thing called jealously. Jealously is a natural emotion. Wither you envy someone relationship, material items or whatever. Yes. It’s okay to get jealous, but I’m a firm believer that you have to control your emotions. You might peep something you didn’t want to see, admire someone lifestyle, or hear stuff that makes you feel smaller to whom or whatever you’re comparing yourself too, but at no given time should you lash out at a individual. While it’s okay to get jealous, you have to learn how to swallow that pill. By not controlling your emotions you can permanently damage your relationship(s) with the people around you over something that’s so petty. Rant over.

Well the last 48 hours have been interesting enough. I let one of my friends borrow my car. When I got it back, a little piece of the tire was missing, part of my rim was scratch, and my alignment was off. Now yes I understand that sometimes shit happens, but let me go further into this situation. The condition of my friend borrowing my car is that everyone he had to use it just text that he was grabbing it and about what time I would have it back incase something comes up on my end. Well he couldn’t do even that. I woke up from a nap and my car was gone. Within the day he took my vehicle 4 times in which he never notified me he was doing so. Well apparently the damage was done on his 2nd trip, and of course he did not notify me.

He told me about the damage when I was walking to my car, and he tried to downplay so much just by telling the rim was only scratch. Ugh. Whatever. But when I got into my car and start driving then I knew my alignment was completely fucked up. I call him to confront him about and then he told me like oh yeah by the way it’s a little off.

Needless to say, I won’t be letting him or anybody use my shit. Unfortunately, it’s just too common that people these days have so much little respect for you and your property. And the worst thing is…… Dude didn’t even put gas in my car.