Following God's call to the world and back

Author: Jess Eischens

You know those times you have a certain song stuck in your brain for days and then weeks on weeks? That’s this song for me right now. “Seasons” by Hillsong. Wow.

The lyrics are powerful. And they resonate so powerfully within me because that’s exactly where I am right now! When I hear this song I get really emotional. It’s like I can sense Jesus speaking to me and I can feel His promises…His promises are coming and He is on the move!

This song paints a beautiful picture. To me it tells a story, and I have to tell you that story.

“Like the frost on a rose, winter comes for us all.”

Can you picture it? Frost on a rose? The delight of summer and glory of fall…carried into winter…a place many of us often don’t want to go. A place so many of us dread.

We know the cold. We’ve tasted that frost. That killing frost.

In the beginning it’s stunningly beautiful, covering everything in a delicate sprinkling of white, with all of the colors of fall shining brightly against the snow.

But we know what’s coming, so we dread it. As every leaf falls and everything beautiful seems to die around us, the darkness grows stronger and seems to settle in for the long haul, soon taking up more time than the light. And suddenly hope and joy seem to fade.

“Oh how nature acquaints us with the nature of patience. Like a seed in the snow, I’ve been buried to grow. For Your promise is loyal, from seed to sequoia.”

Wow. Have you been there? Can you see it? Nature is amazing, when we get to see how intricately God has created everything. Creation takes some time. It requires patience.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a seed? If you imagine it, it doesn’t seem very nice.

Imagine with me. You’re deep in the dirt. It’s isolating. Dark. Cold. Confusing. Muffled. Frustrating. You can’t see anything down there. You can’t hear anything. Every once in a while you get doused with something wet, which surprises you but seems to come at exactly the moment you’re beginning to get very thirsty. It sustains you, so you know you need it and you know you’re being taken care of. But still! Why does it have to wait until the last minute? And why does it have to be so…well…wet?

“Though the winter is long, even richer the harvest it brings. Though my waiting prolongs, even greater your promise for me like a seed, I believe that my season will come.”

The seed can’t see. It doesn’t feel like it’s growing. It doesn’t know what its purpose is while it waits in the dark. It’s growing roots, but it doesn’t feel like it.

I’ve felt like this for several years now. Waiting. Not feeling like I’m getting anywhere. Just waiting for something…but not knowing what that something is. Dreaming. Hoping. Praying for breakthrough. Trying desperately to trust God’s timing and provision on so many different levels with so many different things in my life.

It’s a real and tough place. Have you been there? Are you there now?

I’m learning this can also be a really good place, though.

In the midst of the waiting and not knowing what God is doing in this season…I’ve been growing in bold trust that what He has promised me will come to pass. That He truly knows best.

“Lord I think of Your love, like the low winter sun. As I gaze I am blinded in the light of Your brightness. Like a fire to the snow, I’m renewed in Your warmth. Melt the ice of this wild soul till the barren is beautiful.”

Then He comes! He gives you a glimpse of what He’s doing. Just a little glimpse: a small answered prayer, an overflow of peace to your day, a moment of the sweetest joy, just to say “Hey there, dear one, I see you, I know you, and I can’t wait to show you all I have in store. Wait a little while longer. Do you trust Me? It’s going to be amazing. Just wait a little while longer.”

You feel warm again. He’s melted some of the snow around you with His love. He reassures you haven’t been forgotten – because truthfully, you’ve never been forgotten – but the feeling just felt so real.

“I can see the promise. I can see the future. You’re the God of seasons. I’m just in the winter. If all I know of harvest is that it’s worth my patience, then if You’re not done working, God I’m not done waiting!”

If I’m waiting, it must mean something. There’s a purpose for everything, God made our bodies so intricately, designed each of us so wonderfully and specifically, that it makes sense your story wouldn’t be the same as mine. It makes sense we each have different waiting and growth seasons in our lives. He knows our stories. He wrote them.

There’s something about a story. We all want a good one. We all want to go on adventures. But sometimes adventures don’t feel that great. There’s hardship and adversity. We all want that end-of-the-book mountaintop experience. And it’s COMING! But we need to grow, and we grow stronger as we walk through the elements and grow tough skin and faith that will weather every type of storm.

The seed, during its waiting, begins to sense a change. It doesn’t know what’s exactly changing yet. But it senses it. The ground is still frozen. The seed is still locked in place. But it feels something has begun to happen. It knows something is coming. Faith rises.

“You can see my promise even in the winter, cause You’re the God of greatness, even in a manger.”

Picture yourself as that seed again. If you emerged from the soil too soon, you wouldn’t be strong enough. You wouldn’t be nourished enough. You wouldn’t grow as tall as you were made to.

Then it happens! You feel yourself pushing through! The promise begins to be fulfilled before your very eyes, often suddenly and without warning after all of that waiting. You see glimmers of light through the dark, damp dirt around you…and finally, just barely, you emerge from the soil, into the sunlight! Oh, what glorious sunlight and warmth! The air is still cold, but you don’t care because you have a fresh perspective and you feel like you’ve made it!

You cheer loudly! Finally!

Until your eyes take in your surroundings and you gaze up at the trees around you. Wow, they are so tall. Your stomach sinks a little and you find yourself realizing you have a lot farther to go than you thought. When it will be your turn to be so strong and so tall? You feel so small, so breakable, so vulnerable.

The promise is coming and growing within you, but when you compare yourself with others around you, it feels hopeless again. They have their promise. Why can’t you have yours yet? Why does everything have to take so long? Why can’t it just happen now?

You’ve just emerged from the soil. You now have a fresh, renewed perspective. It’s a joyful moment. You see you grew and you didn’t even know it! Yet you see you still have more growing to do.

Take heart, dear one. God knows us. He knows how He made us. He knows what we need to grow strong and tall. He’s going to get us there.

“If all I know of harvest is that it’s worth my patience, then if You’re not done working, God, I’m not done waiting!”

This. Wow. God, if you’re not done working, then I’m not done waiting.

Even though it’s hard to sing, this is what I want with every fiber of my being. I don’t want to go anywhere without Jesus. I don’t want to get ahead of what He’s doing inside of me, the things I don’t know yet or don’t know how to put into words yet.

“For all I know of seasons is that You take Your time. You could have saved us in a second, instead You sent a child. And when I finally see my tree, still I believe there’s a season to come.“

Even Jesus waited. He waited 30 years to begin the calling He knew was on His life. The calling He came to earth for. To save us. He, though Creator of the world, chose to come as a baby. He took the form of one He created and came to grow up as a human and experience what it is like to grow up as we do.

“Like a seed You were sown for the sake of us all, from Bethlehem’s soil grew Calvary’s sequoia.”

Jesus grew up in Bethlehem. There He learned to grow. He learned patience. He weathered the storms of the human life, growing stronger in stature and in faith and trust in His Heavenly Father. He learned how to persevere. He learned what His Father’s voice sounds like. He learned how to listen to His voice and do what He says no matter what. So He would be ready for Calvary – for the cross – for the moment He saved all of His Creation.

He showed us how to grow roots and patiently allow to the Lord to work in the perfect timing as only He chooses and knows.

If He can do it, I know I can, too. If He had to wait, that means I DEFINITELY need to wait. I know myself and I know my tendencies. Jesus is God. He didn’t need to wait, but still He chose to come as a baby and grow up and experience life with us – patiently growing and waiting until it was His time to shine.

“And when I finally see my tree, still I believe there’s a season to come.”

He keeps telling me, “It’s all going to make sense!” I trust that it will. What joy that will be!

There’s so much more – truly the best is yet to come! More seasons, yes. More waiting, probably.

Continue walking forward. Step by step. Moment by moment. Seed to sequoia, His faithfulness will prove itself evident. His promises are sure because He has promised. So He will fulfill them. Every single one. In the right, perfect timing.

Until one day we look down and see we’ve not only grown strong roots, but have grown to be the strongest and sturdiest of trees, with lively, dancing branches lifted high to the heavens, praising our Maker for how far He’s taken us, and knowing He will continue to take us higher, because that’s just how good He is.

I saw the World Race website for the first time…and I haven’t been the same since.

The World Race was the catalyst…IS STILL the catalyst. Well, actually, Jesus is the real catalyst. He drew me toward this for years, and still keeps drawing me back toward the community, the intentional, sweet time with Him, that I experienced on my Race.

Even now, a short yet very long 3 years and 4 months after I returned home from my Race, I’m still figuring out all of the different ways that I’ve changed.

Like teaching English in several countries to crazy kids who became our instant best friends…

Like finding out my grandpa died during my month in Romania, and having several close friends on my squad crawl onto my bed and hold me tight and grieve with me.

Like holding Slapping Grandma’s hand as we walked down the dusty dirt road at sunset in Cambodia…and later finding out she had passed away, and grieved as my heart broke for this sweet woman who I desperately wanted to know Jesus’ love.

Like hearing the words spoken over me at our first debrief in Haiti (where a LOT of crazy intense things happened that broke everything I thought I knew and created space for the Holy Spirit to move mightily…), words that resonated deep within my soul and have embedded themselves permanently there, “You are NOT a timid spirit.”

There are so many moments where time stands still in my mind and I’m transported instantly back to this life-changing, pressure-cooker, sand-paper trip of a lifetime.

I’m not the old me anymore.

I see things differently. I see people through a different lens. I see myself differently.

Before I went on the World Race, I knew it would change me. I knew it would be a stepping-stone for me into full-time missions. I just knew it. It was the craziest, hardest, most difficult, challenging, horrible, hilarious, incredible, spectacular, delightful, joyful, radiant, moving, frightening, eye-opening, chain-breaking, sandpaper year of my life.

When I faced coming home afterwards, I knew I couldn’t “go back to normal.” What IS normal anyway?

God had placed within me this desire for MORE. A desire to use the gift of writing He’s given me for MORE. A desire to follow Him into MORE and seek His face MORE. And while I fail at all of these things daily in one way or another, He still keeps calling me into MORE. He’s so amazing.

Coming home was way different than I anticipated. I struggled with things I just couldn’t put my finger on. I hated being home but the next day I loved it. I was depressed one day and the world was full of vivid color the next. I had so much passion one day and absolutely no motivation the next. I certainly felt out of control, but didn’t know how to put it into words. My brain was a puddle. I was fully in the midst of transition and culture shock. It’s normal, but it didn’t feel normal.

I didn’t expect to be home for long.

I expected to join a wonderful missionary friend and serve with her in a ministry that pulled on my heart.

Everything seemed to point to “yes,” until suddenly all of the doors slammed shut and told me, “No.” I was confused and heartbroken. I desperately didn’t want to stay. And I didn’t know why God did that. He knew my heart. So why stop me from doing what I felt like He had called me to do?

I had amazing family and friends here, but America didn’t feel like home anymore. I didn’t feel like I fit here anymore.

I cringed at America’s affluent way of life. The thought of working in a cubicle in corporate America made me sick to my stomach—it literally made me want to throw a temper tantrum, curl up in a corner somewhere and scream.

With a very dramatic turn of events, drastically shorted for the sake of time (ask me about it!), God placed in my lap an amazing job I never saw coming.

He answered one of my prayers, to write for a purpose, for MORE. I now work as a writer for an incredible food relief non-profit to share stories of how lives are being saved and transformed all around the world with nutritious food and the love of Jesus.

I didn’t know God would close the doors on “going” and call me to stay here in Minnesota for now. And this hilariously means I am working in an office…and I’m actually surviving ;). God’s grace. He provides. With a little sense of humor, of course 🙂

I’m learning to be faithful where I’m at. To be planted and rooted. To make a commitment and be reliable. To serve when it feels good and when it doesn’t. To say yes to things and stick with them, and say no to things I can’t do, even if I want to.

The transition hasn’t stopped. There aren’t enough words to tell you the whole story…because so much has happened between the time I found out about the World Race and now. God keeps calling each of us into more, if we’re willing to listen and let Him catch us when we fall again and again.

But getting out of your comfort zone, experiencing other cultures and ways of life, living life for Jesus and seeing Him work miracles and answer prayers and making Him your focus every day…there’s nothing like it.

If you’re reading this and you’ve made it this far…and you’re still paying attention…and if you haven’t gone on the World Race yet…please, go. It’s one of the most amazing and one of the most challenging things you will ever do. But it’s also one of the most life-changing decisions you could make. Choose in. Choose yes. Ask yourself if you would regret it if you didn’t go, and when you decide that answer is yes, then go.

The World Race changed me in innumerable ways.

The journey is still continuing.

I know I will process the Race for the rest of my life.

I will remember how I lived with intention, and it will motivate me to be intentional here, wherever I am.

I will remember how incredible and incredibly difficult living in community is, and it will remind me to carry this into my friendships and life here, wherever “here” is.

I will remember how “no day is normal,” and it will remind me gently that God is in control and not to walk blindly throughout my day, but instead focus on Him every day and see where He takes me.

I wrote this a couple years ago and finally feel ready to post it. It’s amazing how I’ll write down something I feel the Lord is showing me and then forget about it until years later when I find it and realize what amazing things God spoke to me…and it challenges me to remember what God has said and hold onto His promises, because what He has said is true and will happen (maybe you needed to read that, it’s truth for you) and He’s calling us to remember His promises, to remember WHO He IS and what He has promised, and to focus our eyes on Him and follow His lead always, because He knows best.

God likes to give me pictures and visions of weddings, Him with His Bride, and it’s really beautiful. It’s just one of the ways He speaks to me and definitely overwhelming since I’m not married yet, but I love feeling even an ounce of the deep love He has for His people – YOU. Just in case you didn’t know, He really, really loves you.

This is what I wrote down, and I think this is meant to be read in the first person, as if it were you.

I see Jesus. He’s standing in front of me. His face shines love for me. He takes my hands. He places His hand on my cheek.

I realize that He is calming me. Turning my gaze from all other things onto Him and Him alone. We stand atop a big hill. He puts His hand to my cheek and His face lights up into a huge smile as He tenderly leans close to me & says, “Look into My eyes, Beloved.”

He urges me to turn to Him. To focus. So I do. I turn my eyes from the surrounding wilderness and look into His beautiful eyes. They are surreal to look at. Mesmerizing. I am instantly drawn in and the connection with Him is immediate. I am His. He is mine. We are one.

My panic and discontent and bewilderment is gone, replaced by deep peace and definite purpose. We are connected. Our sight is intertwined in the depths of His eyes. My little worries have faded, replaced by His love and assurance of a good, perfect future in Him. I ride along on His wave and feel joy again.

Excitement, even, which is something I haven’t felt in a while. No matter how long it takes, I am completely aware of His overarching plan & know with absolute certainty that His purposes for my life will ultimately prevail. They will happen the way they’re supposed to, not how I see it, but even better.

And then I realize His insatiable passion for His people. His bride, and specifically those who still don’t know Him. I follow His gaze into the depths and see Him eyeing the world. I see it ringed in gold. Beautiful. I see the world shouting its praise to its Maker. Like fireworks streaming into the sky are the praises of the nations to their King. And I feel His joy and pleasure with His creation and His bride singing songs of love and adoration to Him.

But then I feel His pain. I wonder what could be wrong, until I catch a glimpse of the dark spots, huge and vast, that have spread through many sections of the world. The places that aren’t worshiping. Where no joy and light abound. Where His bride is so completely unaware that her Groom looks at her from afar, sees her, knows her, loves her, and longs for her with groans that cannot be expressed in words…with the deepest longing imaginable, and even then, so desperately beyond what could ever be explained in human terms.

The dark areas covered much of Asia, the Middle East, Northern Africa and Europe, with a growing spot in the east and western edges of America.

Yet the light was spreading and the darkness could not prevail against it.

I saw His promise and purpose and delight as the golden light from the places of praise spread slowing outward…capturing the darkness and holding it hostage. The darkness slowly imploded from within.

Certain dark spots were overcome by a light that would begin to shine as just one mere dot in the middle, then grew and grew until it could not be stopped. And oh how the darkness tried. There were times when the darkness pushed back and seemed to capsize the light. Yet the golden light wavered but never fell back, pushing back the darkness with an even stronger, more brilliant force that went farther as a result to reach into more darkness than if it had not been pressed back at all.

The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; the darkness couldn’t put it out. – John 1:5 (MSG)

I could clearly see His plan for the nations, and could feel Jesus longing deeply for His bride to come to Him. And for His bride to go and get His bride. Like He was saying, “Abide with Me, and let’s go get My Bride!”

How things work out in my life suddenly seem insignificant compared to His master plan. I know my life will be filled with God’s promise, goodness, favor, perfect plan, but He’s asking me to step out and be a part of HIS plan. He is asking all of us in love, to go. He deeply desires for you and me to be a part of it. Just as a husband and wife long to share everything with each other and become one, so Jesus longs to share everything with me, with you, His glorious, beautiful, dazzling, precious bride, and become united with us as one. Oh He cannot wait for that day!

I realized that it all started when I looked into His eyes. He was already right there. But I had to follow His urging to look into His eyes and truly see. To let go of myself and my control, of which I never truly had in the first place, and surrender my way to Him by following His commands in even the simplest way.

Strife, Anxiety, Frustration and Fear are Hardship’s trusty fellows. They council each other and decide the best methods with which to attack the unsuspecting, the weak, the weary.

Hardship then descends onto the scene suddenly and without warning. Its sole purpose: to overwhelm to the point of certain disaster. It is most successful when the subject is completely thrown off guard. Surprise attack.

Yet there are times when the Hardship hits its own wall. When Perseverance stands guard—this is when the battle begins.

Perseverance’s friends, Truth, Faith and Encouragement stand to each side…and Hardship is faced with its first difficult challenge: a sure loss, if Perseverance is allowed to prevail.

You see, Perseverance’s success is marked by the person it represents. If that person sees the battle cannot be won, and thus refuses to listen to Truth, Faith and Encouragement, then Anxiety, Frustration, Fear and Strife are able to rush in and take over. But if the person chooses to listen and take the first step toward Perseverance, then that is all the room needed for Hardship to be overthrown.

There is a Reward at stake. The Reward is worth it. It is strived for, fought for, cried for, yearned for. Whether it is a mighty dream or an unexpected mountain, the treasure that Reward represents, as a result of perseverance in the face of hardship, is beautiful. It is a place of Contentment, Peace and Joy.

Perseverance is well-equipped to fight the great fight against Hardship and is able to prevail at all costs. Because the prize is worth the battle. And the prize was promised from the beginning. It has been assured. It has been won.

Perseverance wins neither easily nor swiftly, but with great deliberation. It is only by the person’s choice that Perseverance is allowed to win.

Note: the use of the word, “allowed.”Perseverance was always created to win. But Hardship is a devious and devout liar, trying to stifle whatever forward progress is made through the aid of Perseverance. Yet with the help of Truth, Faith and Encouragement, Hardship is guaranteed to be pushed back—step by step—until it can stand no more. This is a Reward in itself.

When affronted by Hardship’s deception, each person must choose to allow Perseverance to win the battle with Truth at their side, trusting their Maker to make all things clear one day.

A leaf
It buds and flourishes
Grows, brightens
Beautiful green as it
works with the tree,
entrenched, centered,
made strong by stem,
branch, trunk & roots
Though the wind blows,
leaf flutters & waves, yet
remains strong
creating oxygen & giving life
as it was created to do
Then, slowly, over time
changes color, comes intoits own, shines its fall hue
with unashamed, glorious, confidentbrightness
an example, a legacy, imprinted
on skies, glistening in the
rain – made perfect by its Creator
until one day, again slowly,
stem weakens, leaf again flutters
breaks loose, falls to the ground,
where it lays as a colorful testament to
all God has done,
giving space for those
coming behind,
enriching, fertilizing,
making ready the soil forthe most brilliant of harvests.

Until the whole world hears.

Jesus spoke this to my soul yesterday. Let these words sink deep into you…hear them, let their truth soak into you and may new life spring up inside of you. May you have new courage and boldness to step into all that God is calling you into. He believes in You. He’s calling you. He’s asking you to step out and trust Him, maybe again when you feel like it’s too hard this time. He loves you. Oh how He loves you!

Though the way is murky, I am with you.
Your feet, encased with mud, slip and trip you up…yet still you continue on, because you know it’s worth it.
This journey is worth it.
You won’t learn anything if you don’t step forward.
I know you don’t like waiting…but that doesn’t mean stopping.
What you think is preventing you from seeing is simply another way I’m saying,
“Not yet.”
I’m asking you to trust me…
…let down your guard, let me break down the walls you’ve built up around yourself again.
Trust my timing, because it is perfect.
I hear your prayers.
I LOVE your prayers.
I hear your heart and I feel how you long to be in tune with me.
I LOVE this. This is how I made you. I love you.
You are not made to sit around.You are not a timid spirit.

You’re made to smash down walls and strongholds.You’re made to tame lions and ride them like the wind.
You’re made to laugh in the face of roaring demons and silence them with one word,
My name,

Jesus.

You’re made to dance upon the slithering cobra.
You’re made to giggle in delight at my brilliant sunsets,
how a sunrise highlights the edges of the mountains, glistening perfectly…
…like sparkling diamonds upon the rivers and the lakes.

You’re made to hug your friends and delight in their presence as I delight in you.
You’re made to welcome me into every place you go…
…into every house, every hospital room, every restaurant, every coffee shop.Because you go, a light shines.Because you listen, atmosphere shifts.
Because you say yes and allow Me to move freely, chains are broken.
Chains ARE BROKEN.
Not will be or may be, but ARE.

Release from captivity is yours in MY name.
I did not make you to be timid.

Transition: the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.

This word defines my life right now. I’ve been in transition for the past several years, ever since I decided to go on the World Race, and it just hasn’t stopped.

With so much transition so fresh in my mind, so many experiences to process and things to think about and hopes and dreams I wish I knew how to explain or share…it has taken me a while to know what to say.

In fact, I haven’t blogged, journaled, or done anything like that in a while. I am a writer by profession, and that comes fairly easily, praise the Lord. That’s a gift straight from Him. But when it comes to writing about myself, to help myself process and think things through, I’ve been at a complete loss.

I have a torrent of thoughts flowing through my brain endlessly, but I haven’t been able to write down. I simply couldn’t write.

I think transition does this to us.

It seems that change and new things are so often looked forward to, hoped for, wished for—
yet when the change and transition becomes reality, it’s much more difficult than anticipated.

With transition comes a bit of chaos. The unknown creeps in.

Before I knew it, my old friend Insecurity said hello again.

Insecurity: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.

When I’m insecure, I definitely pull myself back into my shell. I put up all of the old walls and think if I just “stay strong on the outside because no one else wants me to bother them anyway” (my true thoughts!), pretend even to myself that I’m okay, that it’ll make everything better. That somehow bearing everything on my own will make me stronger.

It doesn’t. Hiding what you’re going through makes you start dying on the inside.

I hate insecurity. There is nothing true about it. God didn’t create us to be insecure. In Him we have the authority to fight insecurity in Jesus’ name. Insecurity does not define us, it’s not for us.

I could feel myself fighting the truth I know about myself. I know who I am in Christ. I am His dearly loved daughter. I know He made me a valiant warrior, not a timid sit-on-the-sidelines person. I need to ask people for prayer. I need people to stand with me.

But pride often gets in the way of us asking for help, doesn’t it? I also don’t want to be a burden to anyone. That sounds absolutely foolish when I actually say that out loud, but it’s true. My desire to not be a burden to anyone actually gets in the way of me receiving help when I need it. I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this.

I’m learning. I’m re-learning to hear the Lord’s voice, to lift my head out of the chaos and the transition and the heartache that life often is, and to listen to my Lord and Savior speak truth and lead me into confidence and more of Him.

I’m realizing that transition isn’t a time to “get through.” It’s a time to listen to the Lord, sit still with Him, and ask Him how He wants to lead me, what new things He wants to do in and through me. Transition can be a very rocky time. A time when the foundations are shaken, not to crumble, but to be made stronger.

Waiting…transition…doesn’t mean forgotten. It means set apart for something greater.

“Walk confidently with Me,” He says. “I’m right here by your side. I haven’t gone anywhere – you know that. You already know how to hear My voice. Be still, and know that I am God. Walk forward in faith knowing that I go before you. I know the way. Though you can’t see it yet, you will soon see, and it is beautiful. Don’t give up. Feelings are fleeting, don’t focus on them, focus on Me. Speak truth, pray truth, keep seeking Me. I’m all around you and will never leave you. I never have and I never will.”

Psalm 16:5-8
“Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters,He RESTORES my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for HIS name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear NO evil, for You are with me.Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.You anoint my head with oil,My cup overflows.Surely goodness and mercy will follow me ALL the days of my lifeAnd I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

It’s an amazing Psalm.
There is such truth in it, and such amazing promises to hold onto!

There’s a phrase in there, “shadow of death.” I always picture a deep, dark valley with a menacing cloud over it. It’s always scary.

I actually see something similar to this photo, except void of color, black, depressing…the type of terrain you would have to suck in a deep breath and summon much courage to descend into and hike across.

What does the word, “shadow,” actually mean?

A dark area or shape produced by a body coming between rays of light and a surface.

Used in reference to proximity, ominous oppressiveness, or sadness and gloom.

I’ve been realizing that:

A shadow is not reality.
A shadow pretends. It mimics. It copies. It hides.
A shadow can’t actually hurt anything.(But it’s easy to be afraid of it, because it looks so real.)

A shadow attempts to hide the truth.
It tries to smother beauty.

The image above is gorgeous. It is living and breathing, full of life and vivid color.The shadow of death attempts to steal, kill and destroy all that is beautiful, loving, full of life, joyful.

Yes, there are times of real struggle and death and pain and heartache.

But…amid all of it, God still remains. Steadfast. Unwavering.“I will fear NO evil, for you are with me.”

He goes with us. Before us. Beside us. He is for us. Always.
We needn’t fear even in the midst of what “seems” to be the worst.
It is but a shadow.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.
But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
–John 16:33 (NLT)

I love that. I love HIM. My God is GOOD.
His promises give me strength to walk forward into tomorrow.
The unknown doesn’t seem as scary.
The shadows are still dark, but it doesn’t matter. They’ll flee.
I have a Mighty Warrior who is called Jesus, the Son of the Living God.
He walks beside me.
He holds my hand.
He delights in me.
He fights for me.
He LOVES me.
He loves YOU.

“Don’t let the worries of tomorrow chase you through today.Just do what I’ve told you to do TODAY.”

You know those things the Lord whispers into your heart...that sink deep into your soul? Yeah, those were His words to me this morning.

Oh how my mind can run in so many different directions!
It leaps and bounds this way, then that way.
It stops for a second, as if to catch its breath…than rebounds with increased frequency.

No wonder I am so tired by the end of the day. My thoughts twirl endlessly inside my skull, bouncing and spinning and running over each other until I don’t know which way is up anymore.

Talk about a big headache.

“Be still before the Lordand wait patiently for him…do not fret—it leads only to evil.” -excerpts from Psalm 37:7-8

I have a love/hate relationship with being still. I yearn for it when I’m in the middle of crazy. Yet when I finally get there, I find myself wanting to find a distraction because I know I have deal with myself and come before God to apologize for not trusting him, again.

Stillness brings focus. Suddenly the stuff I’m worrying about
(aka “not trusting Jesus about”) I am more able to lay at His feet.

My brain is on overdrive and it cries for rest. It needs to peace of its Creator. We weren’t meant to deal with stress. Our bodies protest. Things like pain and sickness and exhaustion all are a result of stress.

Stress doesn’t trust the Lord. Stress strives.

The perfectionist in me comes out this time of year. I want to be intentional. I want to get the right gifts. I miss my friends because I’ve been so busy these past 6 months with travel and settling into work, and at the same time I want to spend all the time with family that I can, because in the coming years, being together will look much different.

I’ll be honest. It’s just a very weird season.God never stops changing us, and I love that about Him.

I think I didn’t expect this to be so hard. It’s starting to sink in, the fact that my parents are leaving.
I’ll blog more about that later, so stay tuned.

God has been whispering to my soul.

Grace. Rest. Peace.

I need to accept the fact that rest is okay. This season is okay. I need to have grace for myself, too. I’m not going to let my worries chase me. Instead, let’s chase the worries back with grace.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9