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Thursday, 16 August 2012

Teddy Bears vs Alexander Lukashenko

No
Picnic for the ‘Last Dictator’

Family Guy creator Seth McFarland’s directorial
debut, Ted, about a man whose boyhood wish that his teddy bear can speak comes
to fruition, has met with mixed reviews since it opened but frankly I have
found its detractors’ humourlessness aggravating, simply because the premise on
its own is hilarious.

I wonder, when Lukashenko is engaged in his tirades
against the sudden mass influx of the adorable toys from the air, how many of
his population are absolutely cracked up in mirth at not only the thought but
by the sight of these furry paratroopers ‘invading’ their land.

Knowing former Communist Europe as I do, I can
imagine the hilarity practically rocking the apartment blocks of Minsk and
elsewhere in the country, when their perennial president denounces Sweden and
Lithuania, with his references to ‘teddy bears’.

Lukashenko’s sense of humour deficiency has never
really been in doubt and he has been making some ludicrously violent threats
against both Sweden and Lithuania, the latter apparently about to suffer
ruinously from a diversion of Belarusian cargo, from that of the port of
Klaipeda, towards others in the Baltic region. Lithuania is heavily reliant on
its neighbour’s goods travelling over its land to be then transported over the
sea. Lukashenko’s warnings against Vilnius would, however, damage Minsk more
than Lithuania because his exports would probably dry up.

The Belarusian’s bombast here is as ridiculous as is his aversion to foreign teddy bears dropping in. He has even
threatened the interloping pilots with the KGB. Predictably, safe at home in
Sweden, they aren’t in the least bit scared. Seth Macfarlane’s Ted would also
undoubtedly stick one pudgy finger up to Lukashenko in response to his hot
air.

Sometimes allies, sometimes foes, Lukashenko and his
counterpart in Moscow, Vladimir Putin, are clearly of a kind, up to a point.
But the latter has, by a whisker, more humanity about him, not least because he
can allow himself to have it as head of a much larger nation. He has sung Fats Dominos
songs to the delight of Hollywood stars and ridden in front of a
preposterously contrived macho pack of bikers into the heart of Moscow, whereas
Lukashenko is a complete square, hardly ever given to publicity-generating
gimmicks. He clearly doesn’t see the need for them. The hard act will do and he
will never be aware of the fact of his own absurdity.

As president of 10 million people, and with his
desire to dominate them forever, Lukashenko views every intrusion into his
country, whether from chubby-faced bouncing toys, perhaps into the arms of a
delighted child - oblivious to the politics – or anybody or anything else as
nothing to laugh about.

He’d have shot that light aircraft down if he could
have done but he didn’t and there lies the power in the gesture. Lukashenko has
sacked the military men concerned because they did not bring down an aeroplane
of teddy-bear toting pilots.

The Swedish activists had a cause, which the West
understandably supports. No one, least of all many Belarusians, wants
Lukashenko. Vladimir Putin is also, by the day, with his awful and
equivocal remarks on the Pussy Riot case, a pariah yet again. The Swedes can
laugh their heads off at Lukashenko as much as they like, and good luck to
them. The women in Moscow just had balaclavas, their anger and forty seconds in
a church. It is much easier to protest from the clouds, if the local airforce is asleep and you get away with it. On the ground, you invariably can’t.

This all makes the West look superior but if a plane
flew over London right now and emptied a cargo of teddy bears over the
territory, it would not last long, I would guess. Those surface-to-air
missiles, that gained notoriety prior to the Olympics, would soon come into
play. Then the British would have to look at the current status of their civil
liberties and much-vaunted sense of humour, as well.

The Olympics can lead to a good deal of
self-deception. Back in 1980, the hosts the Soviet Union used a cutesy bear,
Misha, as the games’ mascot and had a troupe of children-come-teddy-bears
perform a loveable dance during the opening ceremony. I bet
Lukashenko-the-throw-back won’t want reminding of that right now.