Ellen and Portia never had a kid from a sperm donor. They never adopted. Hell, Ellen couldn’t even take care of a dog without giving it up when it got too challenging. I don’t care that this is joke advice, Ellen knows nothing about motherhood. Ellen should shut the fuck up about it and stick to what she’s good at: giving away free stuff to the people who paid to be in her show audience. I wish there was a longer list of what Ellen is good at, but there isn’t. She talks awkwardly when interviewing people more talented than her, dances without rhythm, and makes depressingly unfunny jokes.