What To Expect In The New Year

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Standing by, but in the New Year, from me, you can expect the following:

Military Analysis of Zombie Defense Plans: Look people, seriously, these plans need to be analyzed at the tactical level, because way too many of you have a false idea about what will work.

How to Throw a Grenade: Yeah, because everyone sort of needs some basic instruction in this simple task. One, Two, Four, (Three Sir), Three…

Ghost Hunting Flash Mobs: Did not know this happened, did you? But way before the hokey History Channel shows of today, when there was word of a ghost, thousands would appear, looking for the spook.

PTSD and Leaders: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or whatever the term will be next year, is not funny. And it is not limited. Ask Hal Moore, commander, 1st Battalion, 7th Cavalry. You may have heard of him.

Canoeing Rapids: A man needs to know this shit, seriously. It is simple, direct, and puts the blush on a woman in the fore.

Survive a gale under sail: So, you are on a sailboat and suddenly everything goes, as the Brits might say, "pear shaped." What do you do to make sure you are not fish bait in the morning?

Jibe a sailboat: You are a man. Men are supposed to know shit. Obscure shit. Shit that other people do not know. This is not hard.

Gut a book: You thought your professor read everything, didn't you. Fool. Most of us read a lot, true, but for those books we just do not have the time for, we have the professional academic skill of "gutting." Now you will too.

How to smuggle: This is only in theory. Promise.

Land Navigation by Terrain Association and Map skills: GPS, yeah, way cool. But once upon a time men made sense of the land by looking at the fracking land, and then figuring out where they were on the map. Intersections, Resections, azimuth plotting -- a man knows how to do these things when he is out of cell phone coverage.

Magnetic Declination: There is a big hunk of Iron up in northern Canada. It messes with you, constantly.

Calm a crew when your boat is sinking at sea: Sometimes there is just no two ways about it, the boat is apparently going down. What does a man need to do?

Pet a cow: Never petted a cow? Worried? Why?

Recognize a Heat Injury: Your pisan drops, hard. Do you know why? This is no-shit advice.

Suicide and the Single Soldier: This one is not going to be easy. And, probably, I will not be limiting it to the 'single' soldier either, since it extends, sadly, well beyond. RIP friend. I hope to change things, though it is too late for you.

How to analyze a shell crater: Hey, you never know when you will need to know how to assess the angle, velocity, caliber and type of an incoming round based upon the hole in the ground that it left behind, right?

How to start a conversation in an English Pub: Too easy, and based upon extensive field research, cause, ya know, I am an academic and I am dedicated to extensive research.

How to choose a Scotch: Let us not fool ourselves, men of quality discriminate. My only claim is to pass on the wisdom of others, so that we might all be better men.

How to spot a mahu: Oh dear, yeah, the less mentioned about this the better. Though readers who have served in the 25th Infantry Division will recognize the "safety" briefings mentioned, personal choices apply.

Short term memory for modern battlefields: Grenada? Panama? These foreign fields will never see a marker. Should they?

Picking an English football team: Balancing money versus region versus purchased talent is not easy.

Picking an Italian football team: Are you a fascist? Pretty simple, "Go Lazio!" After that it gets a little more emotionally complex. Duh, they are Italians.

How to explain American football to foreigners: Abandon all Hope, All Ye Who Enter. Or not.

These writings and forecast opinions are solely those of the Author and do not reflect the DOD, the Army, any unit, or the Italian Series A league. R_Bateman_LTC@hotmail.com.