Met with my oncologist today. The results of my last PSA test came in – a little over 50. Bad news. At this point I’m likely to start a on a new drug, either Zytiga or Xtandi. First, I go off Casodex, and we see if I’m in the 20% of men whose PSA drops (for unknown reasons) after coming off Casodex. If so, we’ll wait until it rises again.

Note there’s nothing magic about 50. The accepted standard of care is that Lupron/Casodex are in failure after the PSA rises for three straight months. By that measure, I have already entered failure. My treatment plan has been different from the norm, because I’ve had so much trouble with depression.

Due to side effects, I’m leaning towards the Xtandi when the time comes.

I’m not sure what I thought I’d feel like when I reached this point. Maybe relief, because I no longer had to deal with the anticipation. Instead I feel mostly nothing. It seems like just another step on the path to death. I don’t mean that in a morose way. Death seems more and more like a natural part of life to me.

21 comments on “The Beat Goes On”

I found you a few months ago, because my father is in a similar state. I want to thank you for putting your experience out there so truthfully–many people do not talk about prostate cancer in advanced stages. I read the last few years of your blog, and though you don’t know me, I feel like I know you, at least a bit. Which is why it makes me so sad to read this. I think you are awesome for sharing your life, all of it.

Thank you. When I started this blog I wanted it to reflect the real emotion behind the disease. Most of the other blogs tried to be super upbeat. It isn’t an upbeat disease. I’m glad you enjoyed reading it and I appreciate you taking the time. Btw reading this blog you do know me at least a little bit. It is who I am.

Sending hopes that you are in the group who experience the drop… Or alternately that the next drug features negligible side effects and effective protective actions. And if neither is true than may love surround you on your journey forward.
Xo

Words don’t mean much at this time really, but know that I am rooting for you.

On a side note: Having watch my husband on both treatments I would HIGHLY recommend the Zytiga as it had the least affect on his daily life and it made him feel great for 17 months. The Xtandi made him weak and tired, so much so that he quit taking it after 5 weeks because of the side effects and because of the depression it caused he never really recovered.

God bless you on this awful journey and focus on any bright spots available to you.

Yup, like everyone else here, hoping for the best. What a bummer after last time! I am glad to hear that your emotional state is relatively stable, though. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for that next PSA drop.

I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. You are a person we all look to for answers and guidance and now I don’t know what I can do for you. I will keep you in my prayers. I want you to know that everyone on here is pulling for you.

Hi Jim, thanks for your comments on my blog, they are much appreciated. People think we are brave, we have no choice. We put on a front for our loved ones, but they often see through it anyway. We are all going to die, that is a fact. We assume it will be from the cancer but we don’t know for sure. I have been in that hole, just wanting it to be over. A new and caring relationship and the ability to share through blogging has given me a new perspective. We may go down in the end, but we will go down fighting to live life. It is obvious that your blog is helping some people to cope. Very impressive blog by the way. All the best for 2017.