Meet thewhimsicalbard. He is a musician, a writer, a joker, a thief. He's a maker of spoken metaphors; a man who speaks the delta blues, who loves the comics but skips the news. He's a bad boy in black when he sleeps, but too unsure of reality to let his dreams walk. He was once described as a flaming heterosexual. Sometimes Venus is his goddess, and sometimes his devil, but she's always his drug — a narcotic, a stimulant, a depressant — but don't worry; he's not addicted (yet). His right hand is sifting through the sand, but nobody knows if he's looking for answers or escape — not even him. You can find him underneath the willow tree, musing up names of artistic albums that don't exist yet. He's writing rock and roll anthems for no one, all day and every day. And the River, yeah you know she's sleeping as she walks off into the ocean. Don't you hear the man breathing into his imaginary saxophone? It's me, baby. It's me.

Age: 24

Gender: Male

Status: got a real job

Notes on my work:

For those who care, there is one piece of my work ("Objects") which is updated via the document editor pretty regularly. Check it out if you haven't seen it in a few months.

I have five pieces of prose at the moment, one of which is terrible. All poetry has the label "poetry" in the subgenre. I thought I'd mention this if I ever decide to start publishing more short stories or something else similar.

If you read my piece "In the rings of the golden sun", you should take a look at the piece of artwork that inspired it.

This is the same guy whose artwork also graces my avatar. He's awesome, and if you think he's really good, look him up. He does designs for longboards and tattoos out in Boulder, Colorado. Send some business his way, if you're out there and you have a longboard or want some ink.

I'm also going to plug one of my favorite poets on the site, my friend DeeFective. She's got a voice and a style all her own, and she's an excellent reviewer. If you want to get in to her writing, check out "Pepper" for starters.

Check out lookingwest, another good friend of mine. My favorite poem of hers is "Notes on Women, or What is Woman?" You should also take a look at her story "I Never Said I Was Brave". Both are excellent.

Sophiesix is a wonderful woman who has completed more novels and written better stories than most people will ever attempt in their lifetime. She has been published. My favorite is the as-of-yet-unfinished Nochnayia Lubov.

It is my pleasure to introduce to you the man with the most zealously active vocabulary on earth, and one of the most in-depth writers I've ever had the pleasure of meeting - my IRL friend Cillian Crowley (not his real name). He's very good. Honor his esteemed work with the heartwarming gift of a review. Bring a dictionary.

A delightful author who has recently added some stellar poetry to her repertoire: berley.

A poet for the strong-minded, the educated, and the complex: Faithless Juliet. In a quote: "Some people don’t like/understand long verses but I love it. A poem shouldn’t be under a hundred words unless it's haiku."

I firmly believe that this site thrives on the policy of leave a review, get a review.

If you came to my page because I reviewed you, then thank you!

Also, if you came to my page because I forgot to review you back, give a little PM nudge. I'll get right on it.

While in the past I have tried my very best to return each and every review (whether an effortless, one line blurb, or one that would make the queen of reviews herself jealous), I've had some experiences recently that have convinced me that I need to change my policy.

I will return any writer's first review, regardless of quality, but if a writer continues to leave poor quality reviews, I will NOT return the review. I will only return reviews that at least leave concrit, which would in turn imply moderate consideration and effort. You have been warned. I'm sorry to everyone who liked to leech off my old policy, but this will no longer be possible. Thank you.

Here's some peer pressure... Join The Review Game over on the boards. It is really a good idea, and to be totally honest, nothing helps your writing more than reading the work of your peers (fresh perspective and ideas), and then WRITING about it! Get your mojo working, and whatnot.

My nickname over there is Fitz, if any of you came here wondering.

PLEASE read the rules before you play. I promise it is a worthwhile investment of your time.

I also actively participate in The Globe. High school graduates and older only, please.

For newbies to reading poetry:

For a poem to come across correctly, you need to read it in a similarly correct fashion. Most proper poetry is meant to be read as a group of normal sentences, with normal grammar rules applying. When there is a break in the words, stop to take a small rhythm-breath. Your breaths should vary in length, from least to greatest, as follows here:

Note: these are general guidelines only. Some other kinds of poetry (especially experimental or contemporary) are read differently.

This is the part where you all read the stuff I like:

Take a shower, shine your shoes.You've got no time to lose—you are young men; you must be living.Go now, you are forgiven.

-Dispatch, "The General"-

"Siddhartha was taught by the river. Incessantly, he learned from it. Mostof all, he learned from it to listen, to pay close attention with a quiet heart,with a waiting, opened soul, without passion, without a wish, withoutjudgement, without an opinion."

-from Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse-

True ease in writing comes from art, not chance,As those move easiest who have learned to dance.'Tis not enough no harshness gives offense,The sound must seem an echo to the sense.

-Alexander Pope, excerpt from "Essays"-

"We Real Cool"

The Pool Players.Seven at the Golden Shovel.

We real cool. Weleft school. We

lurk late. Westrike straight. We

sing sin. Wethin gin. We

jazz june. Wedie soon.

-Gwendolyn Brooks-

"Do not go gentle into that good night"

Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rage at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,Because their words had forked no lightning theyDo not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how brightTheir frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sightBlind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.Do not go gentle into that good night.Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

-Dylan Thomas-

"may i feel said he"

may i feel said he(i'll squeal said shejust once said he)it's fun said she

(may i touch said hehow much said shea lot said he)why not said she

(let's go said henot too far said shewhat's too far said hewhere you are said she)

may i stay said he(which way said shelike this said heif you kiss said she

may i move said heis it love said she)if you're willing said he(but you're killing said she

but it's life said hebut your wife said shenow said he)ow said she

(tiptop said hedon't stop said sheoh no said he)go slow said she

(cccome?said heummm said she)you're divine!said he(you are Mine said she)

Night Love. Russia, 1939. The Tsar rules with an iron fist, and a secret that could kill him with a touch. Will former communist agent Nora fall for the lure of the decadent and betray an innocent boy?

What seems like a simple night at the bar takes several unexpected turns for a middle-aged man named Adrian. Prompt (via reddit): "Certain actions you make drastically alter your physical appearance - the worse you are as a person, the worse your appearance becomes and vice versa. One person, who had always been terrible, decides to make a change."

At the end of practice on Thursdays before our football games, one senior gives a speech to the team. This was mine, given before our game against our rivals on the south side. Rated for violent meat-head content. Our colors are blue and white.