Friday, February 22, 2008

This has been floating around the internet for a few years and some say it came from a 1950's textbook, others claim it was from Canada. Wherever it is from, it has gotten a lot of controversy! From women scoffing at it and criticizing it, to men commenting "I WISH" my wife treated me that way, etc.

The sad thing is.....this IS a good example of what a GOOD WIFE should be and do. Not every detail of it is what I think should be done but for the most part it is. Scripture was added thanks to Bible Believer's and I have added my own "inserts" to some of the items.

1. Get your work done. Plan tasks with an eye on the clock. Finish or interrupt them an hour before your husband is expected home. Your anguished cry "are you home already?" is not exactly a warm welcome.

"She...worketh willingly with her hands." ~ Proverbs 31:13

2. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know you have been thinking of him and are concerned for his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. (my insert - would you like to work for 8 hours a day and come home to no food? Come on WOMEN get in that kitchen and whip him up something good to eat and have it hot and ready when he comes home!)

"...She bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens." ~ Proverbs 31:14,15

3. Prepare yourself. Take 15 min. to rest so that you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up (my insert - you don't need to "paint" your face, you are fine the way you are!), put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

"She maketh herself covering of tapestry; he clothing is silk and purple. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come." ~ Proverbs 31:22,25

4. Clear away the children. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too.

"She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." ~ Proverbs 31:27

5. Prepare the children. Take just a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

"Her children arise up, and call her blessed..." Proverbs 31:28

6. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate noise of washer dryer, dishwasher, vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

"And that ye study to be quiet..." ~ I Thessalonians 4:11

7.Be happy to see him. Greet him with a smile and act glad to see him.(my insert - Let him know he is wanted, loved, and appreciated for what he does! A man needs this!! He wants admiration, you should give it to him or he may go elsewhere to meet these needs.)

"...Her husband also, and he praiseth her." ~ Proverbs 31:28

8. Some dont's, don't greet him with a problem or complaint. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this minor compared with what he might have gone through during the day. (my insert - a good way to drive away your husband is to greet him each day he comes home with a list of to-do's and complaints. He will dread coming through that door! What we do, is when my husband comes home I scream "Daddy's HOME!!!!!!" Then me and my daughter race to the door to greet him, hug him and kiss him! He says he looks forward to that moment of walking through the door!)

"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her..." ~ Proverbs 31:11

9. Make him feel comfortable. Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillows and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax to unwind. (my insert - he has worked and slayed dragons so to speak for you to stay home and raise the children! Let him have his moment of solitude and relaxation, he has faced the "world" all day and wants to come home to some peace and quiet!)

10.Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

"She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." ~ Proverbs 31:26

11. Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax. (my insert - a Godly husband and wife will work together to make sure BOTH parties are happy, this includes nights when husband is tired to put aside your wants and stay home and then also nights when you want to go out, he agrees and takes you. You should prefer one another)

"Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." ~ Proverbs 31:31

12. The goal, try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. (my insert - it should be his "castle")

"She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." ~ Proverbs 31:12

Good question Dawn! You know a lot of people talk about this "sterotypical" 1950's housewife as a bad thing, but really it isn't! Look back to the 1950's there were less divorce rates......gee I wonder why!? Could it be, because more women back then did their role and men did theirs? lol

Wow ~ this has just brought tears to my eyes. It is so counter-culture even in "Christian" circles. But is Biblical and true. It is such a blessing to read that others still hold these truths close to heart.

Thank you. May I post this on my blog in the future? I will gladly link back to your post as well.

Thank you so much for posting this .... I have been searching everywhere for advice on being a Good Christian wife and what always seems to be showing up first is people saying rude things about it... Some of these wounderful tips are proving very challenging for me and I am praying to the lord to help me overcome them... I have health problems and sometimes im so tired i feel like i just cant get the cleaning done... I really want to become a good wife and fall into the role that the Lord made me...so thank you for the guidence i will use it to remind me often of my own shortcommings and as a motivation to try harder...

Thank you anonymous for your comment! You sound as though you have the right attitude as far as wanting to be that good wife that God would have you to be and with that humble spirit, you will! We all have shortcomings and the important thing is to keep striving to be our best! ; )

ALL of that was very great advice and I love the biblical backing (who can argue with the bible?)!! Unfortunately, I am not a homemaker at this time. We have two (7 and 2) children, and we both work full-time. I feel like I have been lacking in my home-keeping. Do you have any suggestions for the working wife so that I might be able to fulfill my duties?

Thank you Anonymous for your comment! It is great that you want to fulfill your duties even though you are working full time. It's no secret that this blog is about the Homemaker and centers primarily on the women staying at home and not working. You asked suggestions for the working wife so I will try and answer it the best way that I can.

At the beginning of our marriage, I was a working wife. I was in the Air Force and it wasn't something I could just "quit" lol. I didn't have any children at this time so I could not give you my experience in that area.

I can tell how I, as a working wife, managed my home at that time until I was discharged from the military. I would clean on Mondays and since both us worked and we had no children, the home did not get really dirty. I would make dinner and usually back then it was things that were fast: Hamburger helper, frozen lasagna, etc. My husband pitched in because I was working and had no choice of being able to stay home.

I'm in no way over you in the Lord, I'm not your Pastor or even a teacher over you. So I'm limited in what I can say and can only encourage you to seek Godly counsel in your situation over those that God has placed as your spiritual leaders. However, I did share my experience, which is to show you how I did it, although our circumstances were different (children, etc).

My question is this: If a husband has worked all day and a wife has worked at home all day(both of equal value), why is it then that the husband and wife should not cater to "one another" during the evenings? I feel that it is just as much the husbands duties to do all these things for his wife as it is the wife's duties to try and do these things for her husband.

It is the women that keeps the home, she doesn't get to clock out. You will notice in Proverbs the virtuous woman it said: "she riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household" and "her candle goeth not out by night" and we all know a woman's work is never done! Notice how in Proverbs 31 it talks of HER home: "She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet." and "She looketh well to the ways of her household"

Also, not sure where you got the husband is to never do anything for or cater to his wife. Mine does all the time because he is treated like a King, so he treats me like a Queen and as the woman in Proverbs 31 "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."

There is a good post I posted a long time ago about how if you will treat your husband like you are supposed to, you will never have to worry about him doing the same for you! ;) Here it is:

P.S. I wanted to add that my husband doesn't just come home and do nothing in the "evenings". He spends time with God (whereas I had got to during the day at home, he didn't), he works outside and makes sure the yard is mowed, weeds gone, washes the cars, etc. He also spends time reading to and playing with our daughter. So in reality, his work day doesn't end when he leaves his job. ~Bev

Thanks for the Tips and the virtues! I am a 22 year old Wife, and I am trying to be the perfect Wife that My Husband decerves! I know that I am young, but eventually with practice I will do wonders and become better!If Anyone Has More tips Please email me at Azularose@aol.com God Bless!

Thank you so much for posting this! I myself am very "old fashioned" when it comes to doing for my man...And so many women I speak to think I'm absolutely crazy for doing all I do for my husband and twist it around to make it appear as if you are just slaving away for him, but in all honesty, it is done out of love and he does the exact same for me. The Proverbs 31 woman is blessed with a Psalm 112 man when she follows closely the guidelines placed there for her (and vice versa) May God bless you all today and everyday!

Hi.I know this post is old, but I love that whether you agree or disagree with the message, something, even just ONE can be useful and make the man of the house feel like a KING. I don't think anyone should discount the advice of women who were stong and maintained home, children and happiness of the partner whom they claim to love and cherish.Though, my opinion was not the reason I wrote this, I felt inclined, sorry for stepping on any toes.My purpose was to answer a question someone had asked. The original text is from a book called Fascinating Womanhood. Author (cant remember the full 1st name, sorry) H. Andelin.anyways thanks for your time,Jessica

What a great site! I came across it while searching or I guess I should say hoping I would find Godly men searching for a Godly wife. I'm not married yet but have learned that a mans home should be a place of rest and I truly look forward to sharing a home with my future spouse wherever he might be. I've been blogging about my journey. Check it out, lookingforachristianhusband.com

I am only seventeen and not married yet, but I want to know ways to be a good Christian wife when I'm married, and I think this is great! Thanks for sharing, and I pray that your marriage will be blessed!

ThankYou. So glad I found this. It is definately going on my fridge. I have been married for 3 months, my husband and I have old fashioned values and knowing that this will put a smile on his face each time he opens the fridge makes me so happy and proud. society has forgotten that men and women were created and born with very different roles and duties. I as a woman am physically created to bear children, be a mother and a wife. Men were created bigger and stronger to protect us and to labour for us. Just because ecomonic conditions demand that both work, it doesn't change what we were born to do. I feel so sorry for those who have lost sight of this and pray that Our Father will show them the way.

May you all be truely blessed.Justyna Milat

Ps: Besides the wonderful bible quotes as a guide line, God has given us an even better one - Our Mother Mary. Can you think of a better role model than Mary that God chose himself to bear his only Son?

I am a 22 year old stay at home wife/mom. i was not raised to be christian or anything for that matter, however my husband was. we married when we were 18 and now have three little ones, he is army and our kids are ages 1, 2, and 3. im trying to learn how to be a good woman, wife, mother, and to become a christian woman. But at times I just dont know how to mannage it all. i dont have any family at our new duty station and our kids are so young baby sitters arnt exactly all for watching our little ones. where to get the energy or time for it all seems impossible. (please dont judge me for my kids being so close in age i get it all the time, my body doesnt react correctly to birth control i had a stroke in april and last augets because of it, and i do not believe in altering my body so i will not tie my tubes)if there is any advice out there let me know how to not become bitter at the end of the day or in the mornings, how to come up with the energy and how to juggle everything. psi love the article, and the list came from a home economics book that was taught in some schools in either the 1940's or 50's, it was also published in a magazine clipping in 50's , i think it was Good house Keeping or something like that. thanks again!

Krystal - The best advice I could give is to pray and believe in God that He can enable you to do what He has called you to do. Give your all to your husband, children and home and make sure you hang around positive influences. Every night, write down all your blessings - from that day or whatever you can think of and concentrate on that. Thinking on good things, relying on God for your strength and casting all your care upon Him, is the secret to success!

God bless you for helping us women realize our mistakes! He has surely spoken to me through you Bev. I am a reader from Nairobi, Kenya in Africa. God is using you to touch the hearts of wives all over the world! You are blessed. Thank you.*mama to wayne*

Last fall my church had a women's conference and I went to a class on hospitality. The ladies that taught that class read this. It came from Good Housekeeping long ago. I don't think there were the bible references originally.

I need some advice.......back story, my husband is/was a Rescue Swimmer in the Navy, he recently broke his back on a rescue, because of the break he has no control of bladder functions, sexual things, he has to walk with a walker....I am a stay at home mother of four, 4, 3, 2, and 6months...So I now have all the chores of both man and wife... my question is, how do I still make him feel manly and like he is the man of the house, I am worried about his self esteem and overall emotional state. I want him to still like he is the man of the house even though I do everything....any words of wisdom?

Anonymous - I do have a friend who has a similar situation as you as her husband is disabled from the military and can't work and is at home. She has 5 children all close in age and under 10.

The ways I see her help him and also my advice would be to always honor him before the children as the head of the house AND to let him make the decisions (with your input of course). Speak positive and encourage him in his recovery. Be that flower, feminine and womanly so that his manhood can shine through even more.

Anonymous - I did ask my friend for advice for you and although her situation is a bit different as her husband can still do a lot, here is what she suggested:

One things for sure is not to make him feel like any less of a man because of his injury or inability to function as a man. One way to make him feel manly is by NOT making him feel like he's incapable of running his house because of his limitations. If he's not uh hum functioning like normal then I suggest doing what she can in the mean time and reassure him that it's okay if her own needs are not being met. I am not sure what else to say other then to PRAY. It really takes a lot to run a house all by herself with four kids and a disabled husband. Lord willing he will recover soon but in the mean time I'd definitely encourage her to pray because it's easy to become disheartened when circumstances aren't quite what we expect them to be especially when things aren't accelerating at the rate we anticipate.

Heather - I was active duty Air Force and married, so I do know how hard that is. My schedule was 12-hour night shifts, so I could not always do everything and my husband did NOT expect me to because I was working outside of the home. He pitched in and he still does from time to time even though I'm home now. He didn't know how to cook, so I did all the cooking but mostly convenience type foods. I would clean once a week on my days off and then run errands when I could.

When you are in the military, you really don't have a choice of quitting your job and being a homekeeper......until your enlistment is up. So I believe in that situation, you just do the best you can with what you have until you can make that move to be home and serve your family.

Thank you so much for posting this! I have not been the best wife over the years..not even close and I was searching the internet for ways I can be a better wife and I found this. The Lord spoke to me through you. I look forward to reading your other posts as well.

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The modest virgin, the prudent wife, and the careful matron, are much more serviceable in life than petticoated philosophers, blustering heroines, or virago queens. She who makes her husband and her children happy, who reclaims the one from vice and trains up the other to virtue, is a much greater character than ladies described in romances, whose whole occupation is to murder mankind with shafts from their quiver, or their eyes. - Oliver Goldsmith

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In a time of universal deceit, telling the TRUTH, is a revolutionary act . -George Orwell

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It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

If you take your children to Caesar for their education, you need to stop being surprised when they come home as Romans -Voddie Bauchman

Christian mothers too often neglect their home-centered role for the empty promises of fulfillment in the workplace, while they warehouse their children in daycare centers. Parents send their children to secular schools where God is outlawed, and they allow them to watch trashy movies and listen to vile music—and hang out with those who do the same. After years of training in the ways of rebellion through godless schooling, debauched entertainment, and peer association, Christian parents are somehow surprised when their teenagers rebel, forsaking the God of their fathers.- Philip Lancaster

You are as much serving God in looking after your own children, and training them up in God's fear, and minding the house, and making your household a church for God, as you would be if you had been called to lead an army to battle for the Lord of hosts. - Charles Spurgeon

“Why do women want to dress like men when they’re fortunate enough to be women? Why lose femininty, which is one of our greatest charms? We get more accomplished by being charming than we would be flaunting around in pants and smoking. I’m very fond of men. I think they are wonderful creatures. I love them dearly. But I don’t want to look like one. When women gave up their long skirts, they made a grave error….”-Tasha Tudor

SECULARISM is a philosophy that claims that there is no God-or that if there is a God, He is irrelevant. HUMANISM essentially says that in the absence of God, humans can and should act as gods by judging, choosing, and defining what is right for themselves. The philosophy pervading the public education system combines these two philosophies into one.-Ken Ham

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Fifty-nine modern nations are plagued by the high-tech benefits of birth-control pills. Each of them have waged a cultural war against babies. Each of them suffer below-replacement birthrates. Each of them face potential extinction. But concerns such as national suffering, dangerous international geopolitics and the disappearance of entire nations are matters that would require mature thinking – something that was successfully bred-out of the American people when they accepted the pill as, in the words of Hugh Hefner, the greatest invention of the 20th century. - Geoffrey Botkin

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