Lets Talk About Sex: Partie Deux

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If you missed part one, you should definitely get caught up. Catch it here.

The first thing I did before even trying to initiate “the talk” with this teenager I would always see as about 7, was agonize for days. Sleepless nights, anxiety filled days, damn-near frantic conversations with anybody I thought could impart some helpful wisdom… I don’t know WHAT I was expecting, maybe some gentle, care-filled utterances and murmurs, some assurances that it wouldn’t be quite so difficult all I would have to do is __________ (insert perfect answer here), maybe even some sympathizers who totally understood my utter desolate lost confusion as to how to deal with this damn situation. Instead, what I got were along the lines of the following few “helpful” reactions:

“WHAT? She’s having WHAT? Well, what are you going to DO about it? You better do something FAST!” (Thanks, Mom).

“Tell her I say I’m proud of her. And the next time I need a whore at a birthday party tell her I’ll call her over” (Wow. Thanks bud. But this past boyfriend of mine had a strategy behind this – he figured that it would shame her into keeping her legs closed until she was 30).

“She’s not being one of ‘those girls’, is she? The last thing you want is for her to turn around and start giving it out like that” (Thanks baby, like I wasn’t ALREADY terrified of that).

“No she’s not. She’s just saying it to be cool. She’s just a baby!” (Can anyone say “Complete Denial”?)

“I don’t think she is. She says she’s being accused unfairly. But I know her, and she don’t lie about these things” (Right, Grandma, cause little girls don’t lie to their grandparents about having sex at 15…no, never).

About the only person who seemed to be generally on the same wavelength as me was my other parent, who pretty much sees this as a BFD that we must deal with ASAP and properly, make sure we get her as protected and informed as possible so that way going forward she can make responsible adult decisions about the very adult activity she decided to go and throw herself into. The only problem with that was, of course, that getting that answer still left me at square one. I know that’s what I need to do with her. The pill, condoms, check-ups, someone to open up to, a little advice about boys sex drugs alcohol, why being a teenager who sleeps around doesn’t feel so great once you become an adult, etc. Not to mention the fact that I wanted her to understand that no matter what she did I would lover her unconditionally, I wouldn’t look at her any differently, that she could trust me to keep her confidences, and that ultimately she needed to trust me in this and be open with me. And even more so with the doctor. And true to herself. And, and, and, and, AND….

Crap, I talked myself completely into a deep-ass hole, because the more I think about it, the more I realize that I have never before been in anything near a similar situation. And never have I ever had the skills you need to be equipped with to just “know” how to deal with this kinda thing effectively (I’ve been silently kicking myself for not taking a healthy sexuality, teenage sexuality or something psych course that could have at least vaguely prepared me for this).

Somehow or another I have to magically figure out how to deliver all these messages about myself while telling her all this stuff about what she should and shouldn’t be thinking seriously about while informing her of all this sex info that the doctors don’t cover. I’m gonna f*** this one up royally. I feel it in my bones. The night before our meeting I don’t even sleep, I can’t eat, and I’m silently cursing myself for not being a very good sister (since I’m already planning on my utter and complete failure in this “talk” since my mind is still completely blank).

Wanna know how it all ends? Stay tuned when all is revealed next week!

What aspects do y’all think are important in “the talk”? Once you were sexually active, were there some things you needed more or less talking about? Was there some people you listened to or rejected just based on the method of delivery? Share with the class, because trust me, we’re ALL dying to know!

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Published by Classic Ruby

Thoughtful, honest, and open-minded. Willing to “go there” just so I can have the experience…and I have no problem sharing those experiences with you. Some may call me a bitch– the fact is, I can sometimes be what others term as “too honest for my own good”. If my unwillingness to sugarcoat the truth, if your ability to take my word at what it is without having to add a grain of salt, makes me a bitch, I say more power to me. This corrupted, lying, guile-filled society could use a bit more of my brand of “bitchiness”.
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4 Comments

““Tell her I say I’m proud of her. And the next time I need a whore at a birthday party tell her I’ll call her over” (Wow. Thanks bud. But this past boyfriend of mine had a strategy behind this – he figured that it would shame her into keeping her legs closed until she was 30).”
– i cant even imagine what i would have done if someone said this to me probably die of embarassment and then never share again so i hope you didnt go that route at all.

i always heard men only want one thing and will say anything to get it. i wish someone told me how badly i would want to believe the words and lies anyway because secretly i was curious and wanted to try “doing it” and of course really have a man feel those things. it always seemed tooo risky not believing it cuz what if he was telling the truth? young girls need to stop being so considerate of boys feelings cuz they arent considerate of theyres!

First thing -literature which will help both of you-get these books and YOU read them first:
grays anatomy-corny but efficient
Desmond Morris’ ” the naked ape” if it’s still in print ANYWHERE!
(He was a zoologist or animal behaviorist
can’t remember which-but his tone on the subject is very dryly humorous-so first thing is that will take away a lot of the glamor and forbidden fruit quality because she will realize all living creatures are sexual and that a lot of what she may think is love is just a plain old garden variety physiological reaction that’s kind of built in anyway-great way for her to gain perspective on sex and not get carried away.also Morris writes about SEXUALITY not just anatomy.if you are lucky she may realize that most of what she feels right now IS just hormones and learn to ignore most of her sensations until there’s more than that between herself and some guy-at least it worked that way for me.plus the books will give both of you a starting point .i hope Desmond Morris’ book is still in print because there’s really been no better book on human sexuality since.again please forgive all spelling and punctuation errors.