Gina's Journey: How the Newsletter is Changing Her Life

"I have been trying to live my life with intention ever since Judy started using that phrase. I hope all the women out there can find the strength to be proud of where they are in life. It’s a beautiful thing—to live in the present and with intention."

When I first started reading Judy’s newsletter, I almost felt like I was reading an autobiography. Of course our stories are different because I had a happy home life growing up, but I identified with many of the same feelings and struggles she wrote about. The first thing that really caught my attention was when she talked about saying “no.” It helped me recognize my own inability to say “NO.” When it came to church activities, I felt guilty about saying “no” because it felt like I was saying “no” to God. I realize now how ridiculous this is, but couldn’t see it before. One year, I was the Kindergarten Church School teacher, pianist, Vacation Bible School Director and on the potluck committee. I did all these things while being a wife and mother to four kids. Obviously, it was way too much. I started to re-examine my life and then Judy posted the video about the fear of saying “no” on her Facebook page. I told myself, it is okay to say no and there is no need for an explanation or to feel guilty about it. The next week the director of the Pathfinders group asked me to help out with the club. Pathfinders is like a Christian version of Boys Scouts where you earn badges and do activities. I took a moment to remember what I told myself and firmly said “no.” I didn’t give an explanation and just said it. It was liberating. It made me realize that what I feared was all in my head. What did I fear? I feared that people would think I was lazy, that I didn’t want to serve the Lord, that I didn’t care, etc. Guess what? The person actually said that they knew I had a lot going on and just thought they would give it a shot. They thanked me for all that I do. Wow! It was a light bulb moment for me. I was saying “yes” all these years out of fear and it was completely unfounded. Of course a minority of people might actually judge me, but does it really matter? I realized that it absolutely did not.

On another occasion, I came across a photo of me at the gym next to a skinny girl. Oh, how the insecurities came out! I looked even fatter than I perceived myself to be with my picture next to hers. Why are my arms flabby? Why do my thighs touch? My belly bulge?…etc. were they type of thoughts running through my head. Then I stopped myself and redirected my thoughts. I even thought about what Judy wrote in the newsletter about an unflattering photo of her that appeared in her local paper. So instead of thinking of everything that was wrong with the photo, I tried to see the good in this so-called “unflattering” image. I said to myself, I am a 43 year old CrossFitter. I can do thrusters and deadlifts and burpees. I decided to be grateful for my healthy body that WORKS! I thought, why am I dwelling on the negatives of this photo? So what if people see an unflattering photo of me? Do they really sit there and analyze it like I do? I realized they probably don’t and if they did, who cares?! At the end of the day, I realized that I have a working body and that’s what mattered.

I wish I could attend Coffee with Intention at Judy’s studio.* I have been trying to live my life with intention ever since Judy started using that phrase. I hope all the women out there can find the strength to be proud of where they are in life. It’s a beautiful thing—to live in the present and with intention.

I’ll end with this photo of me because it reflects where I am in life right now. This was supposed to be a hand-stand push-up. I think the coach told us to do 10. How many do you think I did? I did ZERO. Why does this photo bring me joy? Because at first, I was so scared to even do a cartwheel onto the wall. That took a while. Then, I had to learn to hold myself in place. I’m not even straight, notice how crooked I am. And then guess what happened? I went down about 1/4 of an inch and fell over. Everyone around me is doing the exercise like it’s nothing and I can barely get up and can only stay in that position. That’s where I am in this exercise. I’m upside down but that’s something, right? At least I’m holding myself up. At least I moved my elbow 1/4 of an inch. It’s progress. It’s about the journey. Maybe I’ll get 1 hand-stand push-up one day and maybe not?! I will never give up trying and I am going to live my life with intention!

*Gina lives outside of Washington.

Most of the content of the Newsletter are my personal writings as I go through my journey and are exclusive to the newsletter. Sign up below.