According to a recent study, I could place the blame on Law and Order and all 17 of its spin-offs for the fact that I eat a lot. I’m not kidding. Law and Order, and other crime shows, apparently makes us eat a lot. I am an avid Law and Order fan–uh oh.

In the study, titled “The Sweet Escape,” researchers conducted four experiments revealing that “consumers who have been recently reminded of their own impending mortality” spend more on groceries — and actually eat more of those groceries.

Oooh, clever title. Anyway, Law and Order and others are the catalysts for reminding us of our own impending mortality? What? Whatev.

“We found that when people think about the fact that they’re going to die someday — not now, but someday — they want to consume more of everything,” says Naomi Mandel, co-author of the study and an associate professor of marketing at Arizona State University. “We find this with snacks and drinks but also all kinds of different foods: frozen foods, meats, vegetables, everything.”

And they connect this to Law and Order. I can’t believe they spent money on this study. I have, in my opinion, a better theory to explain the connection between snacking and Law and Order. None of this “impending death” mumbo jumbo.

Let’s look back to the experiments of scientist Ivan Pavlov. He is known for his work with dogs, making them salivate at the sound of a bell. Basically, it has to do with mental association. He would ring a bell and give the dogs food. Eventually, they would salivate at the sound of the bell with or without food present.

People like to snack when watching TV, right? So swap out a bell for the signature Law and Order gavel DunDun noise and take away the food…voila! We have been trained liked Pavlov’s dogs to feel hungry while watching Law and Order. And being that Law and Order is on 22 out of the 24 hours in a day, this training does not take long to do. Really, all it takes is one week of being sick and watching TV all day every day, or just a few weeks of watching one or two episodes a night.

That, my friends, is why we eat when we watch Law and Order. That is why Law and Order makes us fat.

Just for fun, here is Sesame Street’s parody of Law and Order: SVU, Law and Order: Special Letters Unit.

Oh, and just because The Office is the BEST SHOW EVER and Jim is dreamy, dreamy, oh so steamy and smart, here is his Pavlov’s dogs trick on Dwight: