National Creamsicle Day – August 14, 2017

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How to Celebrate National Creamsicle Day

Begin writing advice on how to celebrate National Creamsicle Day. Suggest the reader purchase a large quantity of Creamsicles, pack them in a cooler, and drag the cooler to an open mic night. When it’s their turn on stage, suggest the reader stand at the mic, wordlessly eating a Creamsicle until the joke on its stick is revealed. Tell them to read the joke aloud to the audience. Tell them to continue eating Creamsicles, repeating the process until all Creamsicles are consumed or they are forcibly removed from the premises. Mentally congratulate yourself for coming up with yet another clever bit of nonsense.

Realize that you don’t know for sure whether Creamsicles have jokes on their sticks. Attempt to look this information up online. Ask Twitter, ask Quora, ask the Popsicle (makers of Creamsicle) official Twitter account, send an email to Popsicle customer support. Receive no responses. Call the Popsicle 1-800 number, but learn about halfway into your third round of automated service menus that customer support is in a different time zone and representatives are currently unavailable to take your call.

Wonder if you’ll ever know whether Creamsicle sticks have jokes on them. Briefly consider going to the store to purchase some Creamsicles, but fail to do so because it’s far and it’s hot out and you don’t even like Creamsicles.

Get up off the couch and make your way to the kitchen. Pour yourself a glass of water. Drink. Return to the living room.

Where your couch once stood, find only an old stone pedestal, standing beneath a single, bare light bulb hung from the ceiling. A shiny red button will glint and gleam from its resting place atop the pedestal. You will not feel alarmed by the sudden disappearance of your couch or the sudden appearance of the pedestal, button, and light. In fact, you’ll feel relieved.

Approach the pedestal. Check your phone one last time for any response about Creamsicles.

Press the button.

Narrative Day

This is our fifth Narrative Days – a post featuring a light narrative that threads through other national days.