Sunday, 30 December 2007

I started this blog in august of 2003, and have written over 900 entries since. I've moved the blog and renamed it and closed it down and returned to it several times over the past few years, slowly and grudgingly learning a new lesson each time. That first august, I was sitting on my parents' patio on a beautiful summer's day and decided to give the whole blogging thing a try. I'd already been keeping a journal since august 1999 (started on my flight to Japan) and had switched to computer a few years after that; the transition to on-line seemed natural enough, and a good way to keep in touch with friends.

But I started it at a time when I was about to become a student. Once I became a teacher, my private life suddenly couldn't be as openly shared as before, kids today having a nasty habit of googling their teachers. So the blog went anonymous (or so I thought). A year later, when students found my website (complete with photos of me crossdressing on Halloween), those pages went away as well.

As a testament to my stupidity, however, the blog remained. So did many traces of its existence throughout the web. And one day I did something very stupid, and wrote about it, and hurt someone, and instead of learning the correct lesson--get rid of the blog!--I instead hid it further but still continued to write.

Now, however . . . I'm not willing to take that risk anymore. There's nothing in my blog I'm particularly ashamed of, to be honest. It's four and a half years of my life, complete with moans and complaints, good times and a few adventures here and there, and all the ordinary tedium and mediocrity of an average guy's life. If Pam read it, I doubt there's anything in there she'd be particularly offended by.

But I'm not willing to risk it. Not anymore. I care for her too much, and for the whatever potential our budding relationship might hold, to accidentally screw it all up by something badly written, by a passage taken out of context or maybe even written in a foul or drunken mood.

I'll still be writing my journal, of course, though offline for now. The blog's been shifted back to its original location and changed to invitation-only. Maybe someday I'll bring it back to the public domain, but not for some time.

Oh, and a final response to the recurring anonymous insulting commentator: fuck you.