Tiffani Thiessen went on the Howard Stern Show this morning, and passed along two rather noteworthy bits of information: (1) She lost her virginity at age 14, and (2) The guy she lost it to was her 19-YEAR-OLD BOYFRIEND, with whom she had a FIVE YEAR RELATIONSHIP. Hoo boy.

[tugs collar]

Now, I really don’t have any interest in discussing 14-year-olds losing their virginity or Howard Stern’s general “How old were you when someone first touched your downstairs parts?” line of questioning, but I would like to bring up one point: SHE PULLED A REAL LIFE KAPOWSKI. Kelly was always ending up with older creeps on the show, most notably (a) the infuriatingly-coiffed diner manager Jeff (pictured above), who dated his high school student employee despite being old enough to legally drink alcohol at The Attic, and (b) the noted dipsh-t weasel lawyer Brian Hanson, who wooed a rising high school senior during her vacation to Hawaii even though he had already finished law school and earned enough money to afford both a Porsche and sweet yacht. WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING HELL, SAVED BY THE BELL? You were a show aimed at CHILDREN, and you had your main female character repeatedly shack up with dudes in their mid-to-late 20s? And no one took a second to look around and read over the notes and say “Whoawhoawhoa. This is, uh… this is not good.” Who was producinging that show, a whispily-mustachioed dude wearing jorts, a cutoff Coed Naked t-shirt, and a ratty backwards Florida Gators hat? Jesus. Get it together, The ’90s.

Anyway, the clip of Tiffani Thiessen discussing all of that is below. If there’s one thing we can all be sure of, it’s that the 19-year-old dude who started a five year long sexual relationship with a 14-year-old way back when is a healthy and well-adjusted adult today.

This is a good time to point out that the actual clinical definition of a pedophile is someone who is 16 years or older who sexually desires someone who is 13 years old or younger (thus, the Kapowski bullet is barely dodged).

Another good time to point out said clinical definition is whenever Chloe Moretz has a new movie coming out.

Wait. A 5 year relationship means she was 14-19, right? So, this older dude was schtupping TT basically throughout the entire run of the original series, and thus, throughout the height of her Kapowski-ness? Creepy or not…respect.

Guess that means there is a chance that Chloe Grace Moretz is also a slut and has already lost her virginity to some older guy. Just because she claims in interviews she is not allowed to date doesn’t make it true.