How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
No more than 15 percent of the amortized cost of the hairitself.

When’s bedtime?
If at my leisure, 5 a.m. Sadly, I am often required to conform to our culture’s insanewhims.

Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?
I prefer New New Times Square, after the Robot Wars, once the supercharged monkey-virus bombs used north of 34th Street made Times Square a wasteland filled only with decaying Disney signage and brokendreams.

What do you think of Donald Trump?
I think the fact that he is being talked about here is part of the triumph of hisubiquitousness.

What do you hate most about living in New York?
New York isn’t really my problem — I often just hate being alive. But New York does fetishize inconvenience, which makes it almost impossible to live here … though that’s also its subtlenarcotic.

Who is your mortal enemy?
There are so, so many, and life is short. The important thing is that, for now, I amwinning.

When’s the last time you drove a car?
On the West Coast, where they have customs that require suchthings.

How has the Wall Street crash affected you?
It caused me to move to an island in the South Pacific where the value of money is not universally accepted, and then come back to my culture and tell a story about that place and our own relationship withmoney.

Times, Post, or Daily News? Times for actual news and real work, and only online. The Post when I’m at my favorite diner for the vile delight of its antics, and only in print. I have never heard of this “Daily News” you speakof.

Where do you go to be alone?
I perform. From the stage I can get an enormous amount of thinkingdone.

What makes someone a New Yorker?
Like all the best titles, it is self-evident and reflexive: You’ll know you’re a New Yorker when you knowit.