Summer Kickoff

Justin Bieber Stopped By the Hamptons for Rosé and Hugs

Justin Bieber has spread his gospel of hugs to the Hamptons, a place that might need it the most. Joined by Patrick Schwarzenegger and Schwarzenegger’s girlfriend, the warbling cherub that hails from the north stopped by Wolffer Estate vineyards, where according to an anonymous Page Six source, “Justin drank half a bottle of rosé, and then hugged a bunch of people on his way out, like random fans. He was telling people, ‘Hugs are better than photos,’ and started hugging people.” He even congratulated a CNN reporter on her pregnancy.

What inspired this love tear in the Hamptons isn’t clear. Just last week, Bieber had taken god knows how many photos of the conjunctivitis plaguing his left eye and postedfive of themtoInstagram. Now, he’s all rosé and chest-to-chest contact. One clue is that prior to his weekend escape, he was hanging out with Carl Lentz, his Hillsong pastor. Perhaps Biebs was feeling particularly Christ-like and ready to welcome the world (the Hamptons) with arms wide open. Perhaps.

Anyway, regardless of the why of it all, doesn’t it feel sort of right that of all the celebrities in all the affluent hamlets east of New York, Bieber was the Memorial Day master of ceremonies in the Hamptons? That in 2017, when our democracy is up in the air, a rosé-tipsy Bieber is the correct person to kick off the East End summer bacchanal? Officially, the federal holiday is a time to remember the troops, and especially the unfortunate souls who now have to refer to a reality television star as the commander-in-chief. In practice, though, it’s a time to escape all that and head to the greenest sea-side pasture that you can identify on Airbnb and to drink and eat and reflect and forget.

Who better, then, to represent the daily mood swings from full-on existential crisis to that fuck it feeling than Justin Bieber. He’s a walking, talking Jekyll-and-Hyde-type who’s equally prone to punching people in the head as he is to laughing along with a joke at his expense. One moment he’s showing his fans a diseased eyeball; the next he’s blessing reporters’ babies. As we look forward to a summer of money-fueled revelry wafting in from the easternmost edge of Long Island, remember to choose hugs, like Bieber might on a good day, when the rosé is plentiful and the sun is nearly shining. But also take photos, please, so one might have visual aids for the escapism.

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