Reflections: Grief is too hard to overcome alone

Saturday

Oct 6, 2018 at 7:00 AM

It’s been almost 18 months since Nancy left, but I feel like I need to begin my grief journey all over again. I thought I had dealt with some things and moved on in some others. But I believe you never really get over it.

About four or five months into my grieving, I began reading "A Season of Grief," which I got on the GriefShare website. I wish I had started it from the very beginning — maybe I'd be further ahead.

It’s funny, I once thought that I would be able to write some type of book to help navigate folks through their grieving. Boy, did I ever get that one wrong.

The first email in the series was "Understanding Your Grief.” It begins, “Grief is not an enemy or a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being human. Grief is the cost of loving someone.”

One of my many regrets is that I don’t think I ever loved Nancy as she deserved to be loved. Can anyone ever love someone like they deserve? Maybe just a select few. All I need to know is that I do love Nancy, a lot, and maybe even more than I realized.

I’ve been going through Nancy’s things the past few months. I found tons of letters that I wrote to her over the years. I know I told her I loved her in the few I’ve read. Maybe I need to read one a day just to be sure.

So much of our last few years was spent dealing with Nancy’s illness, and I have to tell you it began to wear me down. I know now that I should have gotten help — to both care for Nancy and to care for me.

I only have now, so now I will get the help for me.

I’d gone to group counseling and it helped at the time, but I need something more. I was talking to my girls about it recently. Becca said I needed a counselor, and I agree with here. But finding one is another story, unless God intervenes.

It reminds me of Psalm 121, beginning: “I lift up my eyes to the mountains — where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Seriously, what better place to start.

The day after talking with Becca, I met a friend at the YMCA, who is a retired counselor. She offered to talk with me. I know where her offer came from, and I will make an appointment today.

Rick Reed is a columnist for the Daily Commercial. Email him at ricoh007@aol.com.

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