Saturday, March 05, 2005

I saw four dead people today. The one funeral home I went to, the L.E. Black Funeral Home, the funeral home that the rich black people go to (THIS IS HOW IT WAS EXPLAINED TO ME - BY A BROTHER "See, white people, they go to funeral homes by religion, the blacks, they go to the funeral home of who is the most popular, and this here, this is IT. A black funeral is way diferent than a white people funeral, them women, they go craaazy. fallin all over the place, screamin and yellin...") I just went into that to give you a better visualization of the scene...I don't normally like to say "yeah, that black guy/girl"because, I mean, who cares?but there I go.

The way they do it, the body is laid out pretty much all day. I walked in to place the flowers near the casket. There was one woman standing there, over this 39 year old woman who was a doctor, and she was crying. Our eyes met, and I sorta smiled. "do I smile? Do I say sorry? What are the appropriate manners to display here?" I thought in a split second. I thought the proper thing to do was to give her a hug, but I also thought maybe she wouldnt think that, after all - I'm just droppin of some flowers. iegh.

It's spooky, seeing dead bodies. It makes me think about how much I need to enjoy the people in my life that I will someday see in that position too. I couldn't help to take some kind of karmic reasoning from it, because in fact, I am suddenly seeing DEAD people at this time of my life. Whatever has brought me here is trying to tell me something...

I was at a different funeral home. I bent down to place a beautiul arrangement on the little stand next to the casket near the woman's head, and in the back of my mind (from where some might say the "voices" come from) I asked her: "Aren't these flowers beautiful? Is this where you would like them?" Because I really FELT her there, hovering over her earthly body.~Not because I am crazy.