Right now, a major snowstorm is pounding Northeast of the United States, with up to 36 inches of snow expected in less than two days. (For those readers who live in the countries with metric system, this is just short of a meter, and for those readers who live in Canada, this is just short of average.) Since this blizzard is expected to be one of the biggest snowstorms of the last few decades, proper preparation is crucial. Here are 10 tips on how to survive this snowstorm.

2) For your safety, stay off the roads. If you have had any experience driving alongside New York or Boston drivers, you know that this advice is relevant in any weather.

3) Entertain yourself by using your smartphone and Internet to post status updates and rants on how science is wrong about the global warming and how it has never been even the least bit useful for anything.

4) Invest in a snow-blower. During the snowstorm, the price of the snow-blowers skyrockets and if you cash in at the right time, you could earn a tidy return on your money.

5) Stay warm. The best way to stay warm is to be active, and shoveling snow out of your driveway, then jumping out of the way as a passing snowplow pushes the snow right back into your driveway, then shoveling the snow back into the street, and so on, and so on, is a perfect way to stay warm because it will easily keep you active for 30-40 hours or more.

6) Make sure to stockpile plenty of extra ice for the refrigerator, because if your house loses power, there’ll be no place to get more ice in the middle of a blizzard.

7) Keep your phone, tablet, and laptop turned off to save the battery for emergencies, and also because no one needs to see your Tweets, Facebook posts, and Instagram photos of snow. And yes, I am aware that no two snowflakes are alike.

8) Buy plenty of food for your pet. Trust me, you will not regret this when you run out of food before your pet does.

9) Since it’s now too late to do anything for this snowstorm, make a mental note to properly prepare for the next one.

10) Suddenly recall this mental note several hours after the start of the next snowstorm.

What about you? Do you have any suggestions or Instagram pictures of pretty snowflakes?

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events.
(* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.)
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Ha! Too funny X. Love it. being one of those Canadians for whom this is normal, I concur on all your points. We have had some dandy storms that boggle the mind. We had an ice storm in 1998 that basically shut down Ontario (about 5 million of our 12 million people) for weeks and some for a month or more. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4Nt7elma0Q Baking muffins on woodstoves was popular. ha! i was lucky as I lived in a new neighborhood with all the power lines underground – we lost power at home for about 2 hours.

We go through this whole stocking up routine whenever a storm is predicted and the store shelves are emptied. The retailers love it. I’m surprised that American business hasn’t latched onto that one yet. Hmmm, if we can just create global warming then we can sell more inventory when people “stock-up”. Mwahahaha! We can drop the best before date on water to two weeks so they have to rebuy it everytime. And make shovels that wear out after 10 uses; and sell generators to power the homes, generators that require regular repair and /or replacement and also require stock piles of gasoline. We could even put a best before date on gasoline – imagine that! Oh, the possibilities are endless.

Yeah, that was a doozy wasn’t it Gibber? I never saw anything like that before or after. I’ve seen worse in very small areas but never that affected millions. My favorite part is where you see those steel power towers falling like kids toys. I was managing a fleet of trucks that delivered to a retail chain at the time and we literally had to map where the power lines were across the roads and plan runs that way. Some runs took two days to get to stores that were two hours away as we had to go hundred sof miles out of the way to get access. That was a head shaker..

I’m not so sure whether our retailers love the snowstorms or not: on one hand, they sell out all the bread, milk, eggs, and toilet paper (apparently, those are the things you’re supposed to buy before a snowstorm). On the other hand, no one comes shopping the next day.
But I’m sure they’d love your idea of shortening expiration periods. And why not just put expiration date on the generator itself, and on the shovel?

Hey did you know X that there is an expiration date on those plastic hard hats that are worn around construcition sites?. I got thrown out of one one day because my hard hat was expired. Ha! It turns out that the plastic reacts to ultraviolet light and becomes brittle after being out in the sun for a few years. Who knew?

Whatever snow missed you in New York and NJ has now landed here in New England.
So I just spent two hours shoveling the snow – an hour out of necessity and an hour just for fun and exercise, shoveling random peoples’ sidewalks.

You forgot one – invest in a generator for when the power goes off and the snow is so deep the utility truck can’t get down the street for days. Of course, it’s a little difficult to get to that generator so as to start it, because it’s in the back yard and the recommended X number of feet from the house, where the snow has now reached 5 feet. But once you do get it started, you can charge up the microwave so you can eat again.

Knock on wood – this storm has not reached Buffalo, NY. We’ve only had about 3 inches of snow so far today.

“Too bad”? My car was barely peeking through the snowdrifts this evening, and it’s still snowing pretty hard.
I’d think that the fact you don’t get that kind of weather should be its own ten things of thankful 🙂

I made the brilliant decision to keep the trampoline up over the winter, which of course means I have to shovel that too! While shoveling a number of people came by on cross country skis, one guy riding a snow board down the street…but yeah, after experiencing something like number 5, the snowblower is getting very tempting…

I do have advice re: snowstorms. Procreate and breed (I guess they are more or less the same thing). Seriously, in Canadaland, we do our best reproductive activity during the worst snowstorms, as what the heck else are we supposed to do? There’s no point in shoveling, you’re just going to get buried up again. Cable’s probably out. And it’s only a matter of time before the power’s gone. So light up a candle. Chug some wine. And have at it. September babies, baby!

That’s a tempting idea, but we’re still expected to show up at work the next day. It’s probably why here in the states there is an increase in population in the southern states, but not in the North – it’s because we get too exhausted from all the shoveling.

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