What I did on my kid-free vacation

Sheri Winston Columnist

The children I so gleefully shipped to Michigan almost six weeks ago have returned. Back then, when their departure was wild and new, I had oh-so-many plans for life as a fresh and free mom gone wild.

Turns out, once you've got the mom thing in you, it's not so easy to turn off.

For example:

Not a week after the little ones left, I - gulp! - watched the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. No one was forcing me. I wasn't keeping an eye out on program content so I could jump in with my momisms, adding such insights as, "Now, in real life, if Jimmy Neutron left Earth's atmosphere without a space helmet or a shuttle, he'd probably disintegrate."

No, I watched the titans of kid TV for a far more embarrassing reason. I watched because I missed the sound of children in my house. Egads! What a failure I am at being wild and free.

Then there was the lure of the forbidden. I was supposed to run through the house with scissors, then race into the night. Instead, I took naps and barely had time for scissors.

When you spend so much time with a demographic whose greatest concern is demanding the right to sit in the front seat, well, you can lose sight of some fundamentals.

Here's what my motherhood hiatus taught me:

When the kids were home, I was tired all the time.

The kids left, I was still tired.

When the kids were home, the house was a mess and noisy.

While the kids were away, the house was a mess and quiet.

Before the children went to Michigan, I fantasized that if it were just me and the cats, my days would be filled with blissful cuddling minus the arguing and the attitude. But while the children were away, the cats fought like dogs and no one wanted to play with me. (You know how snooty cats can be!)

I imagined a past where I had all of this freedom and could do what I wanted. I imagined a place in my history where the house was spotless and the meals were fresh and fuss-free.

Then I had to face the unembellished truth:

When I had all the time in the world, all I wanted was to have my children to hang out with.

The house was too quiet. OK, I did enjoy the quiet. And I enjoyed the part about not being a role model. You know, walking around in my undies and eating ice cream out of the carton with a spoon - the kinds of thing we teach kids they must not do!

And there were no toys tossed here and there and everywhere. However, what replaced the toys was a bunch of junk removed from other rooms in preparation of household projects - most of which went unfinished.

Kid messes drive me nuts, and I'd imagined a life that was mess-free. But I've never been a great housekeeper, preferring to spend the afternoon at the park and the movies rather than scrubbing floors and doing laundry.

And the meals.

Of all the things that bore me, meal planning and meal executing take the cake.

So it turns out I am not a really organized, together Earth mother goddess who got overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood; I'm just a mom. With a house that sometimes gets cleaned and sometimes doesn't.

A mom who learned that a house is not a home when the kids are gone.

Sherri Winston can be reached at 954-356-4108 or swinston@sun-sentinel.com.