Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

September 20, 2006

STRUMPDATE

Today Ridley and I are on our way to Los Angeles (a.k.a. "The Big Apple"). Thanks to all who came out to the Seattle event last night, especially to those of you who dressed as pirates.

Also: I would like to get an earwig out of my head. I called home yesterday and talked to my daughter, Sophie, who's in first grade and is studying the forms of water. She learned a song about this, which she sang to me. It's set to the tune of "She'll Be Comin' 'round the Mountain":

Water travels in a cycle yes it does!Water travels in a cycle yes it does!It goes up as evaporationIt forms clouds as condensationIt comes down as precipitationYes it does!

After Sophie sang this to me, I sang it to Ridley and the woman who was driving us around Seattle, Gail, and pretty soon we were all singing it in the car. Now Ridley and I are at the Seattle airport and we are still singing it. We need to get rid of it before we reach Los Angeles and infect all of southern California. So YOU take it.

sings,
If water does what it was made for, it makes beer!
If water does what it was made for, it makes beer!
If its mixed with malt and barley,
a little hops and cooked just barley;
If it does what it's supposed to,
It makes beer!

Seattle ATC: StrumpetAir Flight 666, this is Seattle Air Traffic Control, you are cleared for takeoff on runway B.Pilot: Roger, ATC.Seattle ATC: Flight 666, could not read you. Please acknowledge takeoff clearance and instruction before proceeding.Pilot (over intercom): Attention, passengers. We are cleared for takeoff at this time, however, in order to proceed I need your cooperation in remaining quiet during communications with Air Traffic Control.Passengers on left side of aircraft, loudly: ♫ Water travels in a cycle, yes it does!Passengers on right side of aircraft, loudly (concurrently): ♪ It goes up as evaporation...

And Dave, please don't do that again -- you don't want me to have to unleash another Manilow song, do you? At least you can rest assured that Sophie will never ever forget the water cycle as long as she lives. I still have every single word of the Ten Commandments song I learned in third grade firmly implanted in my head.

Ohhh, I'm not sure first grade teachers in georgia know this handy-dandy song. Now that it's stuck in MY ear, I may have to email it to my daughter's teacher to see if the infection can spread to our school (so I won't be lonely). Of course I'll make sure you get the rightful blame, Dave.

Yesterday one of my classmates sang "Chim Chim Cher-ee," which meant that I had to go the whole day with Dick Van Dyke's awful phoney Cockney accent repeating through my brain. I like the water song better.

So now that Talk Like a Pirate day is over (me hearties), we should probably come up with some new themes, like Annoying Earworm Song Day, or Talk Like a Gumshoe Day or something. Perhaps Geezers Rapping Day?

I think maybe we're forgetting just how bad it can get. Maybe we should be gratedful that we only have a song about water, a talking sponge or beer bottles stuck in out heads. Maybe we shouldn't read any further in this comment. Maybe I should apologize in advance.

Toy all your thing on me, baby.
Toy all your thing on me.
Toy all your thing on me, baby.
Toy all your thing on me.

well Dave, you managed to infect part of southern California in the form of me...
Sorry I can't make it tonight to the strumpeting. I have to hie myself to my physiology lecture, alas, alack and rue the day.
I guess today is talk like a Shakespearean actor day, for me at least...

Betsi! Priorities! There will always be another physiology lecture to go to... I suspect that the same speaker will give the same lecture again, be it tomorrow or next year.

The Blog, on the other hand, will not likely be so close at hand again for years and years. I admire your dedication to your studies, but let's don't let them rule your life. You just slew the GRE; cut loose a little!

My education must be sadly lacking, because I never learned the fifty states song. However, thanks to russell, I'll be hearing Conjunction Junction, and every other song from the Schoolhouse Rock playlist aaaaaalllllll day long!

I always end up with either Simple Gifts ('Tis a gift to be simple, 'tis a gift to be free...) or the Girlscout song (Make new freinds, but keep the old...) stuck in my head. Or on some occasions the Lizzie Bordon rhyme the History Channel inflicted on me (Lizze Bordon took an axe...). Talk about a strang combo.

Wyo - just thought you'd like to know- last night after I got home, I took a quik look at the blog (not Mr. Blog), and one of your comments from an earlier thread made me *snork* Mr. diverdowndoc awake, and he was upstairs in a completely different part of the house. Bravo.

When I was just a lad looking for my true vocation
My father said "Now son, this choice deserves deliberation
Though you could be a doctor or perhaps a financier
My boy why not consider a more challenging career"
Hey ho ho
You'll cruise to foreign shores
And you'll keep your mind and body sound
By working out of doors
True friendship and adventure are what we can't live without
And when you're a professional pirate
That's what the job's about
"Upstage, lads, this is my ONLY number!"
Now take Sir Francis Drake, the Spanish all despise him
But to the British he's a hero and they idolize him
It's how you look at buccaneers that makes them bad or good
And I see us as members of a noble brotherhood
Hey ho ho
We're honorable men
And before we lose our tempers we will always count to ten
On occasion there may be someone you have to execute
But when your a professional pirate
You don't have to wear a suit..... what?
I could have been a surgeon
I like taking things apart
I could have been a lawyer
But I just had too much heart
I could have been in politics
Cause I've always been a big spender
And me...I could have been a contender
Some say that pirates steal and should be feared and hated
I say we're victims of bad press it's all exaggerated
We'd never stab you in the back, we'd never lie or cheat
We're just about the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet
Hey ho ho
It's one for all for one
And we'll share and share alike with you and love you like a son
We're gentlemen of fotune and that's what we're proud to be
And when your a professional pirate
You'll be honest brave and free
The soul of decency
You'll be loyal and fair and on the square
And most importantly
When you're a professional pirate
You're always in the best of company

I don't have an earwig but I do have a picture of Dave and Ridley (and me) last night at the bookstore in Seattle. I could post it on my blog... If I can remember what it is or how to get into it.... BRB.

(Now I DO have an earwig! The cowboy on the Sunday morning cartoons! "After these messages, we'll be RIIIIGHT back!")

You could try replacing it with this one. It's called the Water Cycle Boogie, and it's sung to "Skip to my Lou". When I worked in environmental ed. last year, I used to have to sing it ALL THE TIME to children (after we made a little beaded bracelet, thus the line about the beads):

"Sun is shining from it's birth
Dries the water, dries the earth
A yellow bead shows its worth
Water Cycle Boogie"

There are eight more verses. This, of course, is the only one I can remember, which makes it even worse when it gets stuck in my head.

Intersting thing I'm noticing. So many people have unleashed earworms that the earworms appear to have engaged in a battle in my head and have apparently killed each other. Unless of course it's Survivor: Earworm Island and there will, after all, be one remaining when the fighting's done.

If that's the case, the Survivor still won't last. Long ago, I discovered that I could kill even the most vicious earworm by singing "Whistling in the Dark" (this is a very silly song by They Might Be Giants). I recommend TMBG anyhow, especially to anyone insane enough to read and post on this blog; but the medicinal qualities are a nice bonus.