A friend suggested I write about what she calls "bemused observations." That sounded pretty good and is thus my intention, at least until the hysterical ranting begins.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Wherein I Lose Patience And Go Off On A Wild Monkey Tangent

Em: You have to give me $3 for lunch. My account is empty and I already owe $6.

Lisa: I added $50 to your account yesterday morning. It's fine.

Em: No! No, it isn't fine! I already owe $6!

Lisa: Honey, the $6 debt will be paid out of the $50 I put in. It's fine.

Em: But you did it yesterday! I won't have any lunch today! Or tomorrow!

Lisa: Yes, you will. I added $50; you have plenty of lunch money.

Em: No! You don't understaaaaaaaand! It takes three days for them to add it in!

Lisa: I did it on the computer. It's fine.

Em: No! I'm telling you! It takes THREE DAYS for them to add it in!

Lisa: Emily. The system is computerized. It does not take three days.

Em: Yes! YES, IT DOES! IT DOES! IT TAKES THREE DAYS!!

Lisa: Emily, there is no point in having the system be computerized if it still takes three days.

Em: IT DOES! IT DOES!

Lisa: [end of patience] I'll call the school and find out for sure, okay? But three days? Monkeys could do it faster!

Em: Tree monkeys?

Lisa: Those quick little ones with the tiny hands? Sure. Yes! Tree monkeys could do it faster. Big, slow, old, retired monkeys could do it faster. Gorillas, orangutans, and chimpanzees. They could do it faster. Blind monkeys. Any kind of monkeys, they could all do it faster than three days.