How to Get Screwed When You Date Online

The following is an excerpt from Cracking OkCupid—the ultimate resource on how to date onlineand have massive success. Just a note: I’ve moved this book to Amazon’s KDP program to test how it performs versus selling direct. It’s on sale for this entire weekend at $0.99. If you previously bought it directly, I have a gift for you. Just buy it on Amazon, leave a review, and email thisistroubleblog@gmail.com with a screenshot of your review and I’ll send your gift over (gift value is roughly $90).

Here’s what one review said a while back, documenting his success regarding how to date online after reading the book:

Kyle explores virtually every part of OKCupid, offering up advice such as fibbing a little when it comes to height or income (please, it’s not like girls don’t do it too) and trying to get girls off the site (and on dates) as soon as possible. While some of his tips are standard stuff (such as the latter bit, which I used to great effect in the Philippines), there’s enough original content—and advice tailored specifically to using OKCupid—to make Cracking OKCupid worthwhile.

Anyways, enjoy the free excerpt about how to NOT date online.

Mark sped home from work in excitement.

He was finally, after weeks of messaging, meeting up with his dream girl from OKCupid. Rachel was cute, funny, smart, and they had a match rating of 84% according to the questions posed to them on the website. Mark was taking her out to dinner at the newly-opened Italian restaurant that was the talk of the town. Mark didn’t make very much money at his mundane office job, and finances were tight. He knew the Italian restaurant was pushing his budget, but rationalized that this is what it’d take to finally get Rachel to go out with him. He was willing to bite the bullet.

Mark had been using OKCupid for two months now without much success.

He’d managed to collect half a dozen phone numbers at this point, but this was his first date from the website. Hell, it was actually his first date in nearly six months, which was when his ex-girlfriend dumped him – because she felt the passion in their relationship was gone.

He had decided to date online with OkCupid due to increasing pressure from his friends to get back in the dating game. After several weeks of their incessant nagging, Mark began the tedious process of picking his best pictures and crafting a witty profile. He also answering the never-ending questions that OKCupid threw at him – the questions that promised him more, and better, matches.

After he’d had spent over five hours on this process, he started messaging women. Mark had read many articles about how to date online, and a universal piece of advice was to always read a women’s profile in its entirety.

It was thought that this showed that you were a thoughtful, and caring individual – who truly wanted to get to know her, and cared far more about her personality than a man’s natural desire to simply put his penis in her vagina. Mark figured that because he’d read this advice from multiple sources, this must be how men are successful with online dating.

He began the tedious process of scavenging every piece of information off the profile of every woman he had any interest in messaging. After making notes that would make a
college professor proud, he started crafting the ultimate opening message to these girls.6 He made sure to reference everything they had in common, pay them nice compliments, and using plenty of emoticons. These unique messages were usually at least 500 words.

Mark sent about five of these messages every night he spent on OKCupid, which was usually about four nights a week. Out of the approximately twenty messages he sent out every week, he received an average of two responses. But none of that mattered now, because he was going out with Rachel now. He was a believer that you could date online and find true success.

Rachel!

Mark couldn’t contain his excitement.

Mark wanted everything to be perfect. On his way home from the office, he swung by the restaurant to make sure there was no issue with the reservation. After confirming
there were no problems, he stopped at the grocery store to pick up a bouquet of flowers before heading home to get ready. The bouquet cost $12.95, but it was worth it for this girl.

Mark walked in the door to his apartment at 5:30, and knew he had to leave his apartment at 6:25 to get to the restaurant fifteen minutes in advance of their 7:00 date.

He couldn’t be late.

Across town, Rachel was busy debating with her office friends whether she should go on the date with Mark, or just flake on him at the last second. After all, she had already been on another date this week and it was only Wednesday. Friday night would be a night out with the girls, and she’d already been invited by a hot guy from OKCupid to go pop a bottle at a major club on Saturday night. Rachel had been corresponding with Mark on OKCupid and text messaging for several weeks now. He had originally sent her a very nice opening message, that she thought was sweet but did nothing to excite her.

When Mark first asked for her phone number, she had told him she wasn’t ready for that yet. In reality, she thought he wasn’t as exciting a prospect as the other two guys she gave her number to that night. However, Mark continued to persist despite the rejection. It was when he brought up wanting to try out the new Italian restaurant in town that Rachel perked up. She messaged him back saying that she would love to try it, as well – and gave Mark her phone number.

That was one week ago, and Mark had texted her every day since then, telling her all about his day and how excited he was to meet her. The dread in Rachel had slowly been building up throughout the week, but it was a free meal. Mark had already insisted on paying, prior to even meeting Rachel in person, and verifying that she actually looked like the photos she had posted on OKCupid.

Her pictures were about three years old, but Rachel didn’t feel bad about it. She knew she’d matured and was a much more sophisticated woman since the pictures had been taken, and this should surely offset the fifteen pounds she had gained over the past three years.

Rachel decided to go on the date, but rationalized that there was no need to go home and change out of her work clothes. Yes, these would suffice just fine. She turned around to her girlfriends and asked if they would like to get a drink before she met up with Mark. She hoped with a cocktail or two already in her prior to the date, that maybe it would be more bearable.

Mark made sure he looked his best for Rachel. He carefully picked out his best clothes – a nice pair of jeans and a freshly ironed dress shirt. He stepped in the shower, taking care to scrub every inch of his body with soap. After the shower, he gave himself a fresh shave, threw on a bit of cologne, and slipped on his clothes.

He arrived at the restaurant at 6:45, just as planned.

After checking in with the hostess, he sat down outside to wait for his name to be called. At 7:00, there was still no sign of Rachel. Mark sent her a text message asking where she was, and then heard his name called. He decided to go and sit down, and shot off another text to Rachel letting her know that he was already at the table. He began to wait while absentmindedly looking at the wine list.

Meanwhile, Rachel had lost track of time at the bar with her friends. Finally, at 7:00, she realized that she was hungry – how convenient that dinner was next on her schedule. Settling the bill with her friends, she hopped in a cab and finally arrived at the restaurant at 7:15. After a quick freshening in the bathroom, she finally joined Mark at the table at 7:20.

Mark saw her coming towards him, and noted, with disappointment, that Rachel did not look as good as her pictures. Shrugging this aside, he stood up to greet Rachel and stuck out his hand for a greeting. She took it and gave a small smile, immediately sitting down, ordering a cocktail, and burying herself in the menu. Mark fidgeted nervously with his hands – they had already talked so much on OKCupid, and text messaging, that he wasn’t sure what he had left to talk about.

“She already knows everything about me!”, Mark thought to himself in panic.

When her cocktail arrived, Rachel finally looked up. After ordering their food (Mark ordered the beef lasagna, Rachel the salmon and spinach fettuccine), the couple made a bit of small talk about their days. Mark thought he had made progress when he told her how he had saved the day at work by fixing a programming blunder that his colleague had made. However, as soon as he finished the story, Rachel buried herself in her salmon again without the slightest hint of interest in him. Mark sensed he was blowing it as the waiter cleared their main dishes. Hoping to make up for it, he offered dessert.

“You like chocolate, right? How about some fudge cake?”

Never one to turn down chocolate, as clearly evidenced by the fifteen pounds gained since her online dating photos were taken, Rachel pounced on the opportunity—ordering a coffee for good measure. After watching Rachel devour the majority of the fudge cake, Mark took a look at the bill.

Beef lasagna: $17

Salmon: $25

Cocktail: $8

Fudge cake: $12

Coffee: $3

After Mark paid the bill with tax and tip, the total came to $82.

He sighed to himself and tried to convince himself it was worth it as he watched Rachel scraping the last ounce of fudge off of her plate. The two cocktails she had before dinner, plus the one at the restaurant, left Rachel in a position feeling it was unsafe to drive. Knowing what a gentleman Mark was, she coyly asked if he would mind giving her a ride home. She apologized about living fifteen minutes in the opposite direction of him, but Mark agreed to drive her home anyway.

Once they were outside of her apartment, Rachel thanked Mark for a great night. As they hugged, Mark went for a kiss but his lips met Rachel’s cheek, not her lips.

“That’s a little too fast for me, Mark. I’m not that kind of girl,” Rachel stated.

Mark said he understood, wished her a good night amid an awkward hug, and drove the half hour back to his own home.

The next day, Mark texted Rachel, telling her what a great time he had, and asked if she would like to go to an art exhibit on Saturday with him. Rachel never replied.

On Saturday she went to a club with the guy from OKCupid. She got drunk and fucked him in the alley behind the club. His opening message to her was “sup sexy.”

Mark wouldn’t give up. Rachel was proof you could date online, and the girls did exist. Mark ended up spending his entire Saturday night on the computer, crafting new 500 word opening messages in an attempt to find a new dream girl.

My book teaches you how to crack OkCupid and how to have massive success when you date online. Get your copy here.

This is so depressing. The sad thing is it’s 100% true. When on a date with a girl I usually go with ‘what’s your biggest online dating horror story’ and it’s almost always something exactly like this. If I could just convince guys ‘no dinner first dates’ they’d increase their success by 50%

Also, any time I have ever been ‘excited’ about a date, it ends up being a complete disappointment. My best dates are always ones where I’m so busy I hope she cancels on me last minute so I can have some time to myself but I begrudgingly go.

I actually have a friend who takes girls on expensive first dates like dinner and does very well. But, he’d do just as well if he skipped the expensive first date. I haven’t used okcupid in a few years and wonder if it’s worth trying again. Tinder is dead here unless you pay for tinder plus I’d guess. I do fairly well on bumble though.

He thinks he’s a baller and money doesn’t matter. He does alright financially (I do his taxes), but he’s no baller. He’s very preoccupied with perceived status by spending lots of money and is a little insecure about not being rich. I personally go the dive bar route. They’re usually not too busy or too loud and it costs me 15-20 bucks but there are no lounges around me.

[…] men in high school are going to say, “Enough is enough, I’m not going to bother.” At the absolute peak of their libidos, they’re going to get so fed up with the entire process that porn will sound like a superior […]

[…] men in high school are going to say, “Enough is enough, I’m not going to bother.” At the absolute peak of their libidos, they’re going to get so fed up with the entire process that porn will sound like a superior […]

Man… As I read this, I had a pit in the bottom of my stomach the whole time. We’ve all been Mark at some point. It’s painful and sad. The worst part is that this guy doesn’t even realize that he’s THAT guy.