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October 27, 2014

The Most Fantastic Kills in Multiplayer History

-- A look at the 5 best ways to dispatch an opponent in video game land

BYU's season is in the grave so now seems like a good time to talk about death and dismemberment. The title pretty much says it all. Let's get to it.

#5 - From Halo ... "The Batman Drop"

Halo is lauded as one of the great shooters of all-time, a recognition owed primarily to its excellent gun mechanics; aiming and firing in Halo just feels better than it does in other games. Which makes the fact that my favorite Halo kill has little to do with shooting and everything to do with falling from the sky like Batman all the stranger. In a game that provides few surprising moments, dropping from above for the kill is never expected and always so dang satisfying.

#4 - From Uncharted ... "The Drake Yank and Boot"

Multiplayer in the Uncharted canon is the Granger High School of multiplayer, which is a ridiculously confusing way for me to say it has incredible diversity. You can kill with grenades, neck snaps, guns of course, propane tanks (spoiler alert), fisticuffs, bugs11. Weirdly. and via the use of ledges, as demonstrated in the video below. I've done them all, which means I'm qualified to say yanking people off of ledges or kicking them to their doom is one of the most entertaining out there. In a game where people scramble like it's Black Friday to find all the best weapons, it's beyond enjoyable to kill with the most rudimentary of them all: your hands and feet.

#3 - From Smash Brothers ... "Donkey Kong's Suicide Ride"

If you've ever played Super Smash Brothers, then you're guaranteed to have taken your opponent to the grave via the Donkey Kong Suicide Ride. So why isn't there a video of this demoralizing and hilarious act anywhere online? I have no idea; hopefully my words and this picture can give you a clear idea of what happens here. In Smash Brothers, all characters can grab and hold an opponent but only DK can grab an opponent and carry them against their will. Now, understand that in Smash Brothers one of the three ways you can die is by falling off the edge of the board. Enter the DK Suicide Ride. You grab your enemy. You carry them to the edge of the level and jump off it. Sure, you'll fall to your death too, but trust me, you won't care one bit.

#2 - From Uncharted ... "The BBQ"

To the surprise of no one we see that my favorite game makes this list twice. I don't apologize. The art of barbecuing in Uncharted consists of locating a propane tank, soft-ball tossing that propane tank in the vicinity of your peer, and then firing bullets into the tank as fast as possible in the hopes of causing a fatal explosion. It goes a little something like this:

Before I ever played Uncharted, before I knew of it's overwhelming mastery, I was visiting my brother once when I saw him kill a guy with this very tactic. I remember thinking to myself, "I like that. I like that a lot."

#1 - From WWF No Mercy ... "The People's Elbow"

A little known fact: I love The Rock.

In junior high and into the beginning of high school, during what one might call the dark ages of my social life, I watched a lot of weird TV shows to pass the time. Wrestling was one such show, and it's most famous performer sucked me in from the get go. Unfortunately whenever our Bunna-Ian-Spencer trio dialed up No Mercy on '64, we rarely allowed anyone to be The Rock because like the coverboy on Madden, he was upgraded beyond the point of beatability. However, when those rare moments came, when Ian and Bunna agreed to fight me and a computer in tag-team, with me taking control of the People's Champion, well, there was only one goal in sight and it wasn't to win. It was to deliver the 'most electrifying move in sports entertainment today, The People's Elbow!' Considering how hard it was to properly execute the elbow,22. First you have to do the Spinebuster off the ropes, which is challenge enough in its own right. But not only do you have to do the Spinebuster, you have to do it close enough to the central spot in the ring to allow space for the elbow drop, then you have to hope the computer doesn't trip you as you run across the ring to bounce off those ropes. Very complex indeed. considering how rarely it was pulled it off and considering how awesome it is, I submit that the Rock's classic move is the most enjoyable way I've ever dealt a finishing blow.

Oh, what you wanted to watch the real life version? WELL THE ROCK DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOUR CANDYA -- just kidding. I want to watch it too. Never before, nor since, has man ever made a speedo look so cool.