Dear H&M,

I represent a quiet minority that your store refuses to recognize and continues to marginalize. I have visited your downtown Denver location several times since its grand opening, and each time, I have left in disappointment and shame. It is time that our voices are heard.

I speak, of course, of the hidden, huddled masses who suffer from what are known as quadriceps and hamstrings, or, more commonly, “thighs.” These muscular miracles flex the knee and play a major role in such subversive activities as walking around, going up the stairs, coming back down the stairs, and crouching down to have a closer look. You may have even seen some of us engaged in these very acts as we browse your stores empty-handed.

Whether intentional or not, your designers have overlooked us, as your jeans would appear to have instead been manufactured for those whose lower body musculatures have fully adapted to the load-bearing requirements of low-earth orbit. It is further embarrassing to see such styles as slim and skinny displayed prominently–are we less valuable to you than even coke addicts?

Please consider devoting a line of styles to those of us whose lower limbs have a third dimension. Because we want hipster jeans, too. And we can actually get ourselves to your stores to buy them, thanks to thighs.