/wrestling/thunder/15 March 2000

WCW Thunder

15.3.0

BLAH

I GET LETTERS:
Chris Ross ventures where I dare not tread: This is a
little gift from me to you since I know you didn't want to transcribe it I
did it for you. maybe you can post it under a parody column or something.
When you see ..... it means he took a "dramatic" pause

The Hulk Hogan Apple Pie Strap Match Interview

You know something maniacs, First things first.
I want the Doctor Proper, Doctor Unger, Doctor Hughes to know, ..... the
release forms have been signed. ..... Your not responsible for the last
couple fractures in the forearm, brutha.
The main priority in the yapapi Indian strap match, is to have flexibility
in the wrist that you strap to your opponent with, brutha, ..... because
in the yapapi Indian strap match, when your in the four corners of the
battlezone, ..... the main priority is to get the body in the proper
position for the strapation, dudes.
When I get Ric Flair, right where I want him, ..... when I get him, .....
out of wind, ............ sucking air, .................... sweating from
head to toe, I will call out to Indian strapmaster, Jimmy Hart, on
ringside,
and I will say to Jimmy Hart, at ringside.
"Gimme yapipi Indian punishment strap number one"
And as I strap your body, Ric Flair, ..... as you scream to the heavens
for mercy, ..... as I see your skin start to bubble off your body. ..... You
will drop to your knees, and you will say "Please Mr. Hogan, please, I
can't take it anymore. Please I'm sorry I crossed the line."
And as I hear you beg for mercy, that's when I will call to the Indian
strapmaster Jimmy Hart, at ringside for Yapipi Indian Punishment strap
number two.
That's when the heavier bats will come out.
That's when I will strap your skin.
That's when your skin will start to bubble.
That's when the flesh will start to peel from your hide.
And as I see the raw pink meat on your back brutha, I will take it to
another level.
I will transform from Hulk to Hollywood.
I will double strap you with both fists, and you will scream to the
heavens,
"Please Hollywood, don't hurt me anymore."
And I will never stop.

Brrrr....it still gives me chills, Chris.

TV-PG-DLV - WCW logo - come into the light

Hoo-ah! The NWO is WALKING! Watch out, Don - you might run smack dab into
the close captioned logo!

Opening credits - hey, wanna have fun? Let's dissect this opening montage
and see if we can figure out who's getting a push, shall we?

Thunder logo

TBS logo

Goldberg

Rey Mysterio Jr.

Sid Vicious

Thunder logo

Goldberg

Crowbar whacking Vampiro while he covers David Flair

Billy Kidman flying onto Disorderly Conduct

The Mamalukes choking David Flair

Jeff Jarrett

Booker

Thunder

Disco Inferno wringing the arm of ...Vampiro maybe?

Goldberg

Bam Bam Bigelow throwing an elbow to Booker

"Danger: High Voltage" sign

Goldberg

A light bulb filament

Meng putting the Tongan death grip on the Total Package while he has Sting in the Torture Rack

Because, my friends, only *I* am lame enough to detail a 45 second clip
montage and you wouldn't *believe* how much some people hate me for it (as
opposed to just skipping ahead). Still, who DON'T you see in that clip?
(Hogan) Who do you BARELY see in that clip? (Hall, Hart, Flair) Who do
you only see in the jobbin' position? (Vampiro) Does this give us insight
into the future booking plans of WCW? (Discuss)

Trust me....this works! We used to do it with "WWF Superstars" to figure
out who was about to be fired!

Did I say PYRO? WE ARE ON TAPE from the Patriot Center of George Mason
University in Fairfaz, VA 15.3.2K (taped 14.3) - and if you had
(1:27) into
the show for the first instance of video distortion of a sign in the
audience - YOU WON THE BETTING POOL! Now there's an BLATANT "Jeff Jarret
(sic) SUCKS" sign in the crowd, so I'm left to wonder - if they don't video
distort THAT, what DID they video distort?

LA PARKA & CHAVO GUERRERO JNR v. SILVER
KING & EL DANDY - Parka gets THE
STICK - "the skull captain's in the Hizzooooooooooouse! - You see the
chair, you know the deal, you know the 411, one for me and one for mah
homeez." Ring announcer DAVID
PENZER
gives us "confusion." Dandy with a
comb and grooming for our benefit. Parka shining up the skulls on the
shoulders of his jacket to entertain us. Dandy passes the brush to Silver
King, who is having words with Penzer. "Ladies and gentlemen, I stand
corrected. Introducing Latin America's most desirable men -
LOS
FABULOSOS!" SILVER KING SMOOTHING OUT HIS
EYEBROWS!!!!!!! He's the MACK.
Dandy and Guerrero start - shove by Dandy - shove to the mat by Guerrero -
off the ropes we go, shoulerblock by Dandy, off the ropes, leapfrog, monkey
flip by Chavo. Slap by Dandy - running at him but Chavo dumps him to the
floor - he's gonna fly - no, baseball slide dropkick misses. Kick by
Chavo, elbow uppercut, back in the ring we go, off the ropes, head down,
big kick by Dandy, both men tag, quickly into the ropes, leapfrog by Parka,
shoulderblock by King, 0 count, shoulderblock, cover, 0, Parka ducks, slips
the next one, love tap, Parka strut!, Dandy in, clothesline for him, but
King hits one when he turns back. DAMN it's fast in here. Both men whip
Parka into his corner where Chavo fails to tag (oh well), Parka ducks
King's charge out of the whip, and tilt-a-whirls Dandy - he lands on his
feet, charging into Silver King with a powerslam, Dandy off the ropes with
a senton but Parka's gone and he hits his partner! Shoulder for Dandy,
shoulder for King, Parka going into another shimmy, then a strut. Dandy
hits a slap and puts him in a full nelson - Parka escapes just in time and
Silver King ends up hitting his own partner with the dropkick. Parka off
the ropes - TWISTING PESCADO TO THE FLOOR! Crowd chanting "use the chair!"
Back in the ring, Chavo's escaped from the clutches of referee "Blind"
Billy Silverman and Silver King is into the corner the wrong way. Into the
ropes, Silver King does his poor man's Mysterio by twisting around in the
ropes, Chavo with a dropkick to take him outisde - pescado by Guerrero!
Back in the ring - SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT on Dandy! 1, 2, NO!! Gunshot
slap. Into the opposite corner, charge misses when Dandy steps aside and
he hits the post shoulder-first. Silver King called in - into the ropes,
double leapfrog, double drop toehold, sandwich kicks to the face (!),
Silver King off the ropes with a swinging DDT - Chavo breaks it at 2. All
four men in, Dandy on Chavo - right hand and headbutt takes him to the
floor. Parka rolls out too. In the ring, Chavo back in - slap by Dandy,
scoops him up, back breaker, Silver King comes in with a slingshot into a
senton. Lightning elbowdrop. Dandy sitting him on the turnbuckle and
climbing up himself - Parka over to help out, and he's got El Dandy on his
shoulders - backing up. Chavo on the top turnbuckle, Silver King behind
the other two men - Chavo off the top with a plancha while Parka drops
Dandy forward, right onto his face. Park runs at King, who hiptosses him
out and follows himself. Back on the top turnbuckle - Guerrero finds his
tornado DDT - 1, 2, 3!! (4:25)
Chavo's music plays this time. Holy shit,
WCW allowing some hot lucha action on our of their shows again - how long's
it been? Matches ending in Sid Vicious powerbombing everybody don't count,
by the way. Give the chef my regards. Also, I see at least two signs with
"sux" or "sucks" that didn't get video-distorted, so another point for WCW.

The Badlanders are WALKING!! Daffney's wearing a "WALL SUX" top which
isn't video-distorted. You know, I'm starting to think I've FINALLY gotten
through to somebody here.

WCW Magazine ad - I'd normally make a joke here, but the show's been pretty
damn good so far, so it'll have to wait.

Brian Knobs uses his head when he wrestles - that's why this clip has him
using a garbage can to pummel a wrestler

This portion of Thunder is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily

Backstage, Miss Handcock tells Los Fabulosos that they need a little
guidance...and some new clothes. Silver King is THE MACK: "Would you like
to help us out of these clothes?" GOD DAMN, SILVER KING IS MY HERO!!

TEAM PACKAGE
come out as Let Us Take You Back to Nitro where Hogan and
Hennig felt the wrath of the weight belt and baseball bat. Package says
that yes, he is in the house. Sting wants to play with the light switches
- he's gonna pay the price on Sunday. Whoops, there's a video distorted
sign - it ...hey! I think it said "SLASH WRESTLING!" Hey, that looks like
a *vendetta* to me!! No, actually it said something like "SLAP DEEZ NUTS"
so I guess I won't bother to mention that that's, like, one of THEIR OWN
phrases...hey! You're video distorting Flair's head! Before Flair takes
the mic, Luger asks the crowd to please be quiet and show some respect.
"Hey - hey - you - fat boy in the front row - assume the position."
Package is a 4% body fat Greek god and Elizabeth is the most beautiful
woman in the sport. Monday, they destroyed Curt Hennig and manhandled
Hulkamanai. Flair looks to the rafters and dares Sting to come on down.
Flair says "fat boy" three or four more times. Flair's head gets video
distorted again, har har har. Flair proclaims Hulkamania dead, and stomps
on the weight belt. Flair offers to make a woman out of the fat boy's
girl. JAMES
HART
comes out and tells Flair that he's turned his back on
his son and his best friend because he's obsessed with Team Package. He's
no longer the man, Hogan is the man. Apparently, Hogan's the man because
"Larry King Live" is here to see Hulk Hogan and not Team Package. Also,
Entertainment Tonight is here to do a piece on Hulk Hogan and not Flair and
not Luger. Geez, Hart's an idiot, ain't he? Hart says Luger wouldn't
break his arm, and Flair wouldn't talk bad about Hogan...if Hogan was in
the ring. Package grabs Hart by the ugly jacket and DARES him to use the
weight belt he brought down. Flair puffs up Package and then says "fat
boy." Hart, having had enough, gets ONE good strappin' on Flair...before
falling to a doubleteam. Torture Rack! Torture Rack! Flair removing the
jacket - then the shirt - and now he's whuppin' him. "Hogan - where are
you now?! You hear this?!" Hart is so white that the welts pop right up
on camera. SECURITY
is out a smidge too late.

Backstage, Paisley and the Artist are gazing longingly into each others'
eyes - Psychosis grabs the belt and says something in Spanish. Kaz also
grabs the belt and rambles in Japanese. The other two Jung Dragons appear
but before anything can happen, Charles Robinson breaks it all up (yeah,
that's realistic) then says that Kaz and Psychosis have an upcoming match
and everybody else is barred from ringside.

Jimmy Barron is all about sitting poolside and calling in Road Reports.
UNcensored is Sunday! No, really!

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - Whip Me, Beat Me

Backstage, Hart is loaded into an ambulance - Hogan just finds out what
happened thanks to J.J. Dillon stooging on Team Package. Hogan says he
wants BOTH members of Team Package in a match tonight...make it happen....

PSYCHOSIS (by his damn self) v. KAZ
HAYASHI (by his damn self) in a return
#1 Contenders match - we are told that last week's
match wouldn't stand due
to the Artist's interference, so THIS one would instead decide the
challenger for the title Sunday. For some reason, Kaz gets his last name
back - just for tonight, or for good? Who can say in the wild world of
WCW? Psychosis offers a handshake, and when Kaz goes for it, Psychosis
grabs him and puts him in a side headlock. Ha! Into the ropes, powering
out, shoulderblock by Psychosis, cover, 1, Hayashi nips up. By now you
know that the logo means UNCENSORED DAYS UNTIL 4 so I shan't bother to
mention it. Kaz finally gets off his robe as Psychosis pulls up on a
dropkick. Clothesline ducked, spinning heel kick by Hayashi. SHWOOOOOOM -
oh sorry. I got distracted. Psychosis rolls outside - Kaz running the
ropes - TOPE CON HILO onto Psychosis! It took a lot out of both men -
rolled back in - 1, no. Kaz outside and to the top - but he lands on the
knee, and an atomic drop. Off the ropes, HUGE lariat for 2. Something
muted here. Into the ropes, off the second rope, body scissors, Kaz with a
wheelbarrow suplex for 2. Kick to the gut, right hand, into the opposite
corner, Psychosis puts up an elbow to stop the charge, second rope,
Psychosis on top, Frankensteiner - 2. Psychosis runs at Kaz, tilt-a-whirl
but he lands on his feet. Another body scissors by Kaz, but Psychosis
drops forward and rolls through into a victory roll - 1, 2, 3!
(2:05) Kaz
offers the hand...but as he goes to shake it, THE ACRONYM coes out and
punks them BOTH out. Psychosis ducks, chops, chops, off the ropes, biiiig
back body drop, he's got the belt! But Artist puts up a superkick RIGHT
into the belt - and drops him. Artist off the second turnbuckle with the
jumpin' DDT - now play his music!

Backstage, GENE
O.
works tonight! (Funny, he LOOKS sober...) WOW! He's
standing in front of a door! Eventually, Jeff Jarrett emerges from behind
it and says that even though WCW is trying to screw him, he'll have no
problems walking through Booker tonight. Then - hehehehe - he tells Gene
to "choke on that - slapnut!" HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

YEAHBABY TANK YEAHBABY ABBOTT v.
BUZZKILL - Let Us Take You Back to Last
Week where La Parka went down - also where he tried to get his hands on
Meng. Speaing of Meng, he's watching on a monitor and talking to ... hell,
I feel bad, I have NO idea who that is. Anyway, he wants to get his hands
on Tank someday. Armstrong's sign says "No War / No Guns / No Tanks" -
clever, no? Abbott grabs the sign and breaks it. So Buzzkill spears him.
They roll around a bit - referee Mickie Jay forcing the break - HAND OF
STONE! Once again Abbott leaves the ring before the decision, yet instead
of counting him out and declaring Buzzkill the winner, Jay stops the match.
(:23) Then, Tank went for HIS KNIFE!!!! (Well, okay, no he didn't
really.)

Backstage, the Harrisses are having a confab with Harlem Heat (sans Biggs)

Meanwhile, Wall - EXITS A LIFT! AND WALKS!!

During the Break, Daffney ran off screaming as Wall, having laid out
Crowbar, walked off with David Flair on his shoulder...

THE WALL v. ? -
when Wall fails to show, we check back in the concourse
where Wall is dismantling a neck collar-less Flair - THEY'RE IN THE
LOGE!
Wall threatening to chokeslam Flair from the balcony to the lower level -
yeah, right, what do you think this is, ECW? TRIPPA B appears "just in
the
nick of time" to put a stop to that - and now THEY'RE brawling. Actually,
I gotta give some snaps to Tenay and Heenan - they almost had me thinking
they'd roll with it. Back into the concourse - Bigelow bodyslams Wall
through a WCW Credit Card application table! Hey, you know what we need
now? That's right - the FLYING UNCENSORED LOGO!!! Looks like
SECURITY has
managed to separate these two men. Daffney screaming this whole time.

Meanwhile, Booker is WALKING!! Spying Kidman and Torrie making out on his
way...Kidman: "Hey Booker - you have a good match now - good luck." Hey,
that would have seemed a little more heartfelt if he hadn't been snickering
through it....do you smell storyline?

Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett and six breasts are WALKING!

The 1-800-COL-LECT replay is Bam Bam Bigelow interrupting the chokeslam
that would have changed the face of wrestling forever - don't get me wrong,
though, I'm GLAD they didn't do it.

Outside, Wall is loaded into a police car (!) and Bigelow shouts to him.
"You know, you're gonna get out like you always have, Wall, and I'm gonna
be right here!" Wall SHOWS HIS FANGS!!

JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with six -
THREE women) v. BOOKA for the
United States Heavyweight Championship - hey, if
we're REALLY lucky,
Jarrett will tease having the women lift their tops, and then send them off
just when we think we'll get some. Jarrett points to the video-distorted
sign but WE aren't allowed. You know, I say Jarrett DOES get the title on
Sunday. Maybe I'm just trying to be contrary, I dunno. Does Booker's
music keep changing? There's the UNITED STATES HEAVYWEIGHT
TITLE graphic
as we start. Feeling out process - side headlock - into the ropes,
shoulderblock, cover, 2. Off the ropes, Booker grabs the knee attempt and
rolls it over for 2. Not one but TWO signs video-distorted this in this
segment - hell, I think it's that sign I already pointed out earlier! I
take back all my compliments. Jarrett with a shouldberblock, off the
ropes, Booker with a dropkick. Hiptoss blocked, clothesline by Booker.
Right, into the opposite corner, lariat by Booker, climbing the corner,
Eight Punch Count Along, Jarrett tries an atomic drop but misses, Booker
hits a side kick. Chop, into the ropes, Jarrett holds on - Booker tries a
Harlem side kick and crotches himself when Jarrett steps aside. Jarrett
takes him out, follows, and throats him on the barricade. Another hot
shot-like manoeuvre. Back over the barricade - head to the STEEL steps.
Referee "Blind" Nick Patrick out to stop this as Jarrett gets muted
shouting to the crowd. Back in the ring we go - Jarrett perched on the top
turnbuckle - BIG plancha but Booker rolls it through - 1, 2, NO!! Jarrett
knocks him down again. Into the ropes, Jarrett throws an elbow but it's
ducked, Jarrett with a sleeper when Booker comes back - to one knee - to
two knees - he's fading fast. Booker all the way down now and Patrick
checks in - Jarrett telling him to get ready to ring it - arm falls once -
arm falls twice - will the arm fall thrice? Of course not...but it gets
all the way to TWO INCHES off the mat - oooooooh - Booker back to his feet,
elbowing out, off the ropes, spinning heel kick ducked, Booker with a
sleeper of his own! Jarrett quickly elbows out, but Booker reverses the
whip into the corner, elbow up to meet him - Jarrett off the second rope
but Booker catches him with the 110th Street uranage - but ONLY 2!! Off
the ropes, kick by Book, AXE KICK. Breakdancing up! SPINEBUSTER! 1, 2,
Jarrett rolls the far shoulder at the last minute. Jarrett rolls out as we
see the HARRIS
BROS
in the aisle - dammit. Patrick is out to send them off
- Jarrett swinging the title belt and CLOCKING him. Jarrett covers - 1, 2,
NO!!!!! Right from Jarrett, right, right, right, right, into the ropes,
Booker holds on - HARLEM SIDE KICK! Ron on the apron and down with a punch
- Don in and DOWN with a uranage! But now the numbers have him - Patrick,
unfortunately, tied up with Jarrett - who was brandishing his silver
gee-tar. H BOMB! Well, it's over - the Stroke is academic. 1, 2, 3.
(6:32) Poor
Booker. How about a little spraypaint? Nope - SID VISCOUS
comes out and cleans house on all three NWO dudes - Jarrett escapes a
chokeslam attempt and heads for higher ground. Play Sid's music!

Backstage, Booker is WALKING! He sees Kidman again and asks why he wasn't
watching his damn back. Then he RUNS into the TV-PG-DLV ratings box!
Yowch, THAT'S gotta hurt!

VAMPIRO v. WHO? HUGH!
MORRUS - I guess Morrus took a couple months off
to
deal with his crazy ol' pop...HAH? Poor Vampiro - couldn't find anybody to
sign his cast! Off the ropes, leapfrog, spin kick by Vampiro, stomp,
stomp, stomp, elbow, chop, right, chop, right, kick, kick, headbutt, side
headlock, Morrus with a NASTY belly-to-back suplex - Morrus elbow, Morrus
elbow, legdrop, 1, 2, nope. Right, right, chop by Morrus, chop, turning to
the crowd, Vampiro with a shove, Morrus shoves right back, succession of
rights, munching on the skull - still Vampiro shoves him back, Morrus puts
him through the ropes to the outside and follows. Clubbin' blow. Chop by
Vampiro, shove by Morrus, gnawing on him again - scoop - and a slam on the
floor! Morrus on the apron...ELBOWDROP!! Referee "Blind" Charles Robinson
continuing to count even as he's on the floor - 7...now he's back in the
ring and not counting anymore. Oh well. Morrus has the leg, Vampiro with
a reverse enzuigiri - Robinson does say "8" - finally - "9" - Vampiro
BREAKS THE COUNT?!? Morrus rolled in - Vampiro on the top rope - CAUGHT in
a POWERBOMB! Cover - 1, 2, no! Morrus says "that's it" and he's going up
top for No Laughing Matter - the moonsault FINDS the mark! But Morrus
doesn't cover - he wants to....go outside and find a table? Crowd going
nuts for the vastly underrated Hugh Morrus as he puts the table in the
ring. I have a feeling this'll be his downfall. Stomp for Vampiro - he's
setting him on the table and he's going to try for it AGAIN. Climbing up
to the top - but Vampiro is off the table - and he's got Morrus on his
shoulders - and dropping him BACK into the table! Vampiro covers - well,
this'll be - NOOOO! UP AT 2!!! Both men making fun faces. Gutshot by
Vampiro, NAIL IN THE COFFIN. 1, 2, 3. (5:32) FINALLY Vampiro gets a
well-deserved victory in a hard-fought match over some REAL competition.
Why didn't they give him this match a MONTH ago? TOTALLY BITCHIN'.

TONIGHT: You've
seen the graphic, get ready to watch the match! (Well, in
45 minutes or so)

Gene O. stands with Billy Kidman and Torrie Wilson. Kidman says he was
busy "preparing for his match" and couldn't go help Booker. Tonight,
Dustin Rhodes gets a wakeup call.

Yow! The casket! It's too heavy...but if it could, it'd be WALKING!

Local cable ad hypes WCW Uncensored - optimistic of 'em, ain't it?

It's time for the Advanced Auto Parts "This Week in WCW Motorsports"
report! Blaise Alexander was as high as seventh - must have been the NWO
paintjob on the 81 car. Holy crap! Stevie Ray's promotional photo has the
BUG EYES!! Wally Dallenbach raced in WCW paint - and crashed. Oops.

THE DEMON and SCREAMIN' NORMAN SMILEY
v. BRIAN KNOBS & DOG - Let Us Take
You Back Last Week where Demon defeated (Not) Rave. Smiley is wearing a
KISS T-shirt tonight. Smiley decides to hightail it from the Dog, Demon
eats a clothesline, and Knobs and Smiley brawl on the floor. Hey, did you
know that there's only days until 4 Uncensored? Look out, Demon! Your
head is video distorted!! This match is downright painful to watch.
Smiley takes a trip to Pitty City, but also gets to do Dog in da butt while
smackin' him up like a bitch, so it all evens out, I guess. Finish comes
as RAVE & LANE
appear and crotch Demon on the top turnbuckle - Knobs hits a
superplex on Demon, then puts him on the shoulder of Dog for a super
powerslam, which we are told is the "Dog Pound." Yikes. 1, 2, 3.
(3:55)
Sunday, Lane & Rave take on the Demon & Smiley - no word yet as to whether
or not that's a "special main event."

TONIGHT: Stop
me if you've seen this graphic.

UNcensored is Sunday! If you're wondering what other matches you might
see, well here's a Special Video Look at...

BILLY KIDMAN (with Torrie Samuda) v.
DUSTIN RHODES - Let Us Take You Back to Rhodes
turning on Funk, Funk throwing the chicken, striking with the chicken, and
Rhodes using the cowbell. Whoops, a little TOO close to Torrie in that
shot. Rhodes goes to the face to start. Pound, kick, into the ropes,
duck, crossbody by Kidman for 2. Clothesline to take him down, Rhodes
rolls outside. After a pause that refreshes, he's back in. "MR. TITO
SUX" sign is strangely NOT video distorted in this segment despite rather
obvious video distortion earlier. Why do they do how they do? Who can
say. Open-handed slap to the face by Rhodes, into the opposite corner,
right hand, kick, kick, kick, kick, stomp, stomp, stomp. Into the ropes,
duck, head down, face plant by Kidman. Standing dropkick. Into the
corner, tornado bulldog, 2. Rhodes to the eyes again. Scoop - and a
slam. Rhodes climbing the ladder - but Kidman meets him and crotches him
with a sweep of the leg. Kidman climbing to the second turnbuckle to meet
him - Rhodes with a cowbell to the face which referee "Blind" Nick Patrick
JUST misses, somehow. Rhodes back in the ring - Got him up - tossing him
down. 1, 2, 3. (2:39) BOOKA comes out post-match
'cause he's *honourable.* Torrie tells him to step off so she can provide
mouth-to-mouth. Booker gives us visible disgust at these two crackas
making like that in the centre of the ring and all - and NOW they DO video
distort that same sign. It's a mystery to me. Booker & Kidman take on
Stevie Ray & Fat T Sunday, may I remind you.

THE NARCISSIST (with Liz) and THE MAN
v. YOU KNOW WHO in a Handicap match -
Let Us Take You Back to Monday and show you clips we done already showed
you whut showin' how evil-like Package and Flair are with the weight belt
and baseball bat, yup. Package gets a big long entrance and posedown -
whatever happened to the part of his music that sounded like a total ripoff
of "Chariots of Fire?" Maybe it sounded a bit TOO MUCH like it? Strange
for Team Package to have separate entrances for Package and Flair -
especially with Ric Flair getting his own chyron while Package came out to
"Team Package" chyron. By the way, only *I* care about this - I know it,
you don't have to tell me, BUT after I retire and I'm rereading all these
reports, you know I'll be glad I noted it now so I can remind myself of it
later. Camera looks for all the free 'do-rags they gave out earlier, and
even I must admit probably all those signs aren't really planted. Hogan
again gets the "no chyron needed" gimmick. He rushes the ring and it's on
- but the doubleteam takes the early command of the match. But it means
nothing to Hogan - double noggin knocker! Again! Right for Flair, right
for Package, chop for Flair, into the opposite corner, charging lariat,
clothesline for Package, right, right, into the opposite corner,
clothesline, face rake for Flair, video distortion, right, into the
opposite corner, FLAIR FLIP to the floor! Package thrown through the ropes
and Hogan follows. Flair to the barricade, Package to the STEEL stairs, to
the eyes of Flair, the weight belt is off - WHIP! WHIP for Package, WHIP!
Another rake of the face for Flair, WHIP! WHIP for Package. Flair manages
to get in a face rake of his own, but hey, this is HOGAN and it don't work
on him. Chop, no effect. Hogan has Package's chair - chair for Flair,
chair for Package, chair for Flair, chair for Package. Flair rolled in the
ring, Hogan follows, Flair begging off and Hogan's got the strap again.
CHOKING him with the strap - climbing the corner, Ten Punch Count Along -
well, make it nine and a skull munch. Into the opposite corner, back body
drop as Flair comes out. Punches for Package on the apron. Flair taken
into the corner, running clothesline, begging off, clothesline on the apron
for Package. Hogan to his knees, munching on the beak, both men up, Flair
tries a flurry - chop, chop, chop, left, right, chop, Hogan Hulks up, Flair
to the eyes AGAIN and he climbs up - NO NO, THAT NEVER WORKS!! Hogan beals
him across the ring. Right for Package as he parts the ropes. STRAP!
STRAP for Flair! STRAP! STRAP! STRAP! Flair gets him from behind, Hogan
blocks a punch and hits a right, then a right. FINALLY Flair hits his one
offensive move - the Golota. Hogan rolls outside and holds onto his
Immortal One. Elizabeth standing over Package - WHOA CLEAVAGE. Back to
Hogan - Flair's outside and chopping Hogan, who falls backward onto the
commentators' table - for the first time tonight we see MIKE TENAY and
BOBBY HEENAN
(who quickly scatters) -
big-time choke by Flair. Hogan
whipped into the chair held by the Package. WHACK with the chair to the
back of Hogan. Hogan rolled back in the ring - everybody back in. Package
occupying referee "Blind" Mickie Jay while Flair's trick knee acts up.
(Heenan confirms it - booya!) Double stompin' beatdown from Team Package.
Crowd boos and Master Control video-airbrushes that sign - ahhh, he turns
it around to show the "SUX" sign, so that explains THAT - something EVEN
WORSE than SUX is on the other side of that sign! Must be NUTS or
something like that. Flair with the WHIP of the belt. Alternating stomps
from Team Package. Now Flair stomping away on his own. Into the ropes,
hey, a double clothesline actually HITS - oh but now he's Hulked up.
Double clothesline takes both men to the mat. Time to throw a right here,
and a right there, and each time somebody bounces off the mat. Right to
Flair, right to Package, I don't even know WHAT that is - kinda of a bump
or something, but it puts Flair in the corner. Package shoved into the
ropes (I guess) - Flair shoved into Package - FLAIR FLOP!! DISTORT THAT
VIDEO!! Package off the ropes - BIG BOOT! Big boot for Flair - Elizabeth
in with the chair - Hogan blocks it and grabs the chair - WHACK for Package
- WHACK on the back for Package. And now he's got the weight belt from
Flair - WHIP! WHIP! Hogan puts Flair in the opposite corner, then
clotheslines him with the weight belt. Flair rolls outside - and Hogan
follows. For no apparent reason other than the show is over, the bell
rings (? 8:01)
and Hogan's music plays. (Eh?) As the credits come up,
Hogan runs back to the ring where I assume a posedown is imminent.

Hey this show (mostly) didn't suck. AGAIN!

Be sure and watch Saturday Night - Torrie might fall out of her top again
like she did last week! THAT'LL turn 'em heel, all right!