Britcom romances

Story Time: Helicopter Man Pounds Billionaire Dinosaur Ass

Pro-tip: Should you ever need to find this book again, you can save yourself precious typing time and search for “helicopter ass” instead of the full title. Funnily enough, this is the top result for books featuring helicopters and asses.

Naturally, when my colleagues saw it on my screen they all wanted to read it. We agreed to have Story Time at 3pm three days a week (one of us is part time) and enjoy Mr Tingle’s book.

Chapter 1

John Hams is at an inter-species Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. He’s there for support while he abstains from his billionaire dinosaur sex addiction and it seems a tad unfair that a handsome, blue-eyed stegosaurus is right there at the meeting. What smartass allowed THAT to happen?

We discover that John has a top secret government job in a laboratory (where the sexy dinosaurs think he’s a prude 😦 ).

The attraction between John and the stegosaurus, Yorb, is apparently mutual–well, why wouldn’t it be?! Yorb asks John out for dinner but John remains strong and resists. He closes the chapter afraid to go home alone, with no billionaire dinosaur asses to pound.

Poor John.

Our reactions today:

Lola: “I want to read more. I want to know how a dinosaur and a man have sex and I want to know what a dinosaur penis looks like. The dinosaur must receive, right, because he’d kill a man if he pounded his ass?”

Henry: “I think they’re metaphorical dinosaurs.”

Ivor: “One word: astonishing.”

David: “I’m speechless.”

John: “I feel strangely aroused.”

Me: “I really want to get to the sex scenes.”

I’m desperate to know how this author deals with naming genitalia? As regular readers will know, this is my biggest struggle. But then again, I’m not writing dinosaur and helicopter erotica. I suspect I might have more struggles if I were.

After enjoying Chapter 1 we somehow got talking about granny porn and this eventually led to Henry, the head of IT, instructing me to USE MY WORK COMPUTER to go to a porn site and watch a video called “Granny porn” while his assistant, my boss, a married man, and a mother gathered round. I almost bloody did it as well.

That’s what this book does to you, people.

Tonight before bed I’m reading this so I can feel clean and capture some of my lost innocence:

We have many strange traditions in The Hub (our little part of the office). Each day of December we engage in psychological warfare to win the tiniest piece of chocolate in the world from a Frozen advent calendar. Anyone who arrives more than 30 minutes late has to bring the rest of us cakes. One of us collects rubber ducks.