James Herbert funeral to have sex scene about a third of the way through

In a poignant statement, the family of deceased horror writer James Herbert announced today that the author's funeral will contain a "full-on sex scene about a third of the way in", followed, after some hymns and the eulogy, by another naughty bit involving lesbians about three-quarters of the way through.

Mourners who are secretly only there for the naughty bits will be able to flick through the memorial service looking for the rude words which signal a spicy section, and it is believed that the service should eventually just fall open at the right places.

A tearful friend said to journalists this morning: "It's what he would have wanked."