What I Know About Berliners: 25 Observations

by James and Zoe

Last weekend a *certain* Berlin newspaper interviewed us about our first book, What I Know About Germans, and asked us to come up with a similar list specific to Berliners. It should come out soon, in German, but for those of you who don’t speak Deutsch – or Berlinerisch – here’s our new 25-point list, illustrated by the super-talented Maria João Arnaud: What I Know About Berliners!

1. Berliners are not Germans.
They’re a special breed all of their own. Berliners have about as much in common with, say, Bavarians as Londoners do with people from the north of England, or New Yorkers do with the southerners in their own country.

2. For example: Berliners just aren’t as obsessed with punctuality as other Germans.
Sometimes, they’re even late :O

3. Berliners don’t even speak German.
Berlinerisch goes so much further than saying “Icke” and replacing “g” with “j” – it’s pretty much a whole language of its own. We vividly remember the final class in a German course after we’d not mastered, but *dealt with*, everything (we thought) the language could throw at us, and our teacher played a CD of Berlinerisch. Minds were blown; tears were shed; hopes were dashed.4. One concept that Berliners don’t have their own word for is manners.
It’s not that they’re particularly rude, it’s just that holding the door open for others, and thanking people that do so, just aren’t things here. Back in London we would step over our fallen grandmother to make sure we got on the Tube, but we’d at least say a polite “sorry” as we did so.

5. Berliners are punk as fuck.
And not just the die-hard crusties stomping through Friedrichshain, or their offspring loitering on Görli Park. That middle-aged checkout lady with bright red hair and a few too many earrings? Your postman, who pairs his Deutsche Post uniform with cut-off shorts and beat-up Dr Martens? Punk. As. Fuck.

6. Berliners don’t care what you look like.
You could be an überhipster with a sky-high beanie and painted-on meggings, or wandering the streets in your pyjamas, and Berliners will treat you with the same indifference that they do everyone else.

7. Berliners don’t wear suits, and don’t trust anyone that does.
In this city, there are only two types of workers that wear business dress: landlords and politicians. And no one wants to be mistaken for either group.

8. Berliners may not always act like it, but they care.
If they have a problem with the Government, its policies, or its treatment of certain sections of society, they’ll take to the streets and shout about it. No matter the state of parliamentary democracy, in Berlin grassroots activism is alive and kicking.

9. Berliners – the vegan Germans.10. Berliners won’t be told what to do…

11. …or what to smoke…
The real problem with the new mayor of Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg’s plan to decriminalise marijuana in her district? The only people to benefit will be tourists too scared to approach the dealers in Görli Park; Berliners are going to keep smoking whatever they like, regardless of what the law says.

12. …or where to smoke it.
The fact that smaller bars successfully kicked back against the 2007 smoking ban is a slight but significant signal that Berliners will NOT be told what to do. Each cigarette smoked indoors is a tiny torch of freedom, and every handmade “Raucherbar” sign might as well say “don’t fuck with me”.

13. In Berlin, there’s a fine line between independence and insanity.
In a city that has always attracted the fringe figures of western society and tested German norms to their limits, it’s not always easy to tell the difference between the “life artists” and the crazies. Every time you see a shellshocked-looking person trudging through the streets mumbling to themselves, check their supermarket trolley for “found art” or look for someone with a video camera capturing the whole “happening”.

14. Berliners know how to party…
Berlin’s awesome clubs are full of friendly people who have their drug intake well under control, and plan to keep going well into Monday morning. The only troublemakers who managed to get past the ruthless door staff are invariably Ausländern. As a waiter told us on our first visit to the city, Berliners “make good party”…

15. …but they make for the worst concert crowds we’ve ever encountered.
Berliners reserve their enthusiasm for the last few hours of weekend-long techno parties and hardcore punk gigs in squats. Their reaction to every other performance of every other genre of music is to stand stock still and, if they really like what they hear, occasionally unfold their arms to slowly clap.

16. Berliners can’t see street art.
Years of over-exposure to grafitti have led them to develop a kind of snow blindness to tags, stickers, murals etc. And with good reason: if Berliners took the time to really look at all of the street art daubed across their city, they would never make it where they were going, and in the most severe cases, their eyes would pop out of their heads.

17. Berliners talk about the weather a lot.
This is great news for us Brits, who treat complaining about the weather as a national sport, and can insert ourselves into any conversation with a few well-chosen references to “Scheißwetter” and “Schnee”.

18. Complaining aside, Berliners make surviving harsh winters look easy.
They pull on some sturdy boots, wrap themselves in layers of Jack Wolfskin, and head out to the U-Bahn, which invariably runs (pretty much) on time. Coming from a country where a few snowflakes on the train tracks brings the nation’s infrastructure to a halt, winter in Berlin is refreshingly “business as usual”.

19. For Berliners, it’s never too early for ice cream…
As soon as temperatures rise above O°C again, winter-weary Berliners are like “fuck it, let’s get Eis”.20. …or for Glühwein.

Even when the Weichnachtmarkts won’t open for months, you can pick up a cup of the hot stuff from early October onwards in your local Späti. Time to swap out your morning beer for something more festive!

21. Berliners don’t eat Currywurst.
It’s just a culinary joke they play on gullible tourists.

22. Berliners never set foot in the “centre” of Berlin.
The closest they get to Alexanderplatz is changing U-Bahns underneath it, they know better than to venture within a square mile of the tourist trap/construction zone around Unter den Linden, and wear the fact that they’ve never seen Brandenburg Gate like a badge of honour. For Berliners, their Kiez is the real heart of Berlin.

23. Berliners don’t want a new airport.
They’re secretly hoping that if construction drags on any longer, the city’s just going to give up and stick with TXL.

24. Berliners don’t hate tourists, they hate douchebags.
If you come here and treat Berlin like your personal playground, blaring your way through Sunday morning leaving a trail of broken beer bottles in your wake, then locals will (justifiably) hate you. Even if you’re just staying in a holiday apartment that is intended for residential use, they’ll probably still hate you – but that’s your douchebag landlord’s fault. In Berlin, you get what you give – and if you disrespect the city, it will disrespect you right back.25. Deep down, Berliners are teddy bears.

They might seem cold to outsiders, but take the time to talk to Berliners, in their own language – if not Berlinerisch, German will do – and you’ll find them to be funny, warm and welcoming people. Underneath that chilly exterior, there’s a teddy Bärliner just waiting to embrace you!

Tell us, Berliners, do you agree? If we’ve got anything wrong, or forgotten anything, tell us in the comments below!

38 Responses to “What I Know About Berliners: 25 Observations”

We were full of hope, enthusiastic. We don’t trash the place: my children love nature and animals but as biracial kids they were treated like dirt, they don’t want to go back there again. They sourly missed all the other venues we visited in Europe. Tiergarten was nearly their only solace. I sait to my kids on the plane ” maybe it’s just Berlin, Let’s go to Hamburg and maybe people will be kinder to us ” . My child cried “I won’t ever go back to Germany !!!”

I have recently visited Berlin in March 2016. I regret I visited Berlin. Extremely rude and racist people. I was shocked how people can behave like this. Was planning to get suveniors from every city I visit in my euro trip. I decided not to waist any money in Berlin than I already had. No less than 100 times in 3 days I see people looking at me and my brothers face with such dislike that I actually started doing the same after my second day in Berlin. I think if I had lived there I would become the same. I wish to tell them that I was a tourist not an asylum seeker. I saw so many doner/shawarma restraunts in Berlin Berliners (sorry white Germans!) were eating like crazy. I wanted to tell them please don’t eat this food because it is not German enough. I suggest anyone reading this to cancel their visit to Berlin. I will never ever visit Berlin or Germany again.

I will not spend one cent in that city. Arrived from London early morning and went to take a nap. Woke up and wanted to see the city. Went to the train station and asked one guy in English how to buy a train ticket. Could not understand him. Asked another guy and he said sure just to walk away from me talking to his friend. Finally decided to buy a ticket on my own. Sat on a train for 3 stops and controller asked me for ticket and said this is the wrong ticket. I explained that this is my first few hours in Berlin and I tried. No buts and 40€ fine. I have decided not to see anything and not spend any money. Sat in Starbucks and only paid for food. Checked out 2 days earlier. On the way to the airport got a cab. Gave the guy 1€ tip. No thank you no have a good day. I will avoid this city like a plaque. Very rude people and I rather listen to motorhead than listen to their language

Berliners love to speak english, even amongst themselves celebrating the international of berlin and they love to be sitting in a cafe with their macbook at the window side, pretending to work on the next big thing in the likes of facebook

Very funny read. Actually, most of the observations are right, but sure not the currywurst stuff. Many of us actually eat it a lot, so it’s not only a tourist thing!
Never heard about the ringbahn stroy “icangetnosleep” mentioned…simply not true.
I’m a berliner through and through. Born and raised in (west) Berlin;o)

Ringbahn story is true, we want to draw a big fat line between the inner city and the ‘boring’ suburbs. it’s kinda stupid but we do i anyways (i’m born and raised in this city, inside of the ring btw:D) its another example of the ‘berlin-arrogance’ , we are arrogant towards other germans and even a little bit and just as a joke towards other berliners who are not from the city centre . one day a lightening is going to strike us for this arrogance i guess 😉

Berliners love their Currywurst. Not the one with a sign that says: Original Berliner Currywurst or any Currywurstbude with a number in its name – like Curry36, Curry 170, Curry24 – but the one that serves its Currywurst with self-made sauce or self-made bread rolls or fine ideas like roasted onions.

Tourists will never find the best Currywurstbuden, if they keep paying 2,50 € or more and don’t care about the quality or maybe don’t even know what a Currywurst must taste like.

Congratulations on the kind of self-deprecating Berlin worship you only find in really boring 30-somethings or fresh arrivals. The fact that you don’t know the simple plural or “Ausländer” was really the icing on the cake.

[…] i had the opportunity to contribute to the blog Überlin, with some illustrations for the article ‘What i know about Berliners: 25 Observations’. Some very well caught observations about Berliners and funny to read, as usual. This blog is a […]

well, #18 is only true if you have started accepting that S-Bahn trains being in trouble is no longer a winter issue but is likely to happen at all seasons.
apart from that, being a born Berliner who never left the city for long, I feel flattered and well-described in most aspects 😀

i love it! i have the same observations after spending in Berlin couple of months and visiting very often too.

i would add:
– this weird custom of going to the clubs at 3/4 am. As I talked to people from other German cities,there usually they start to party at 11pm,and just in Berlin you start to party so late and finish so late. But it’s the drugs thing, I guess.

– New Years party? at home with friends- first dinner,than drinking and WG party (the best when you crash on your neighbour’s party) or a club (but this one only around 6 am, when “all those fuckin tourists who came here just for this one party and make clubs too crowded and also raise the entrance fees”)