so ya, i got things on my mind.been writing things for days.little bits. here & there.dont know what to do with it though.more & more of my childhood has been coming back to me over the last 6 months.not just bad stuff.just the normal musings of a child's life.or the life of me as a child.

places in went.things i saw.TV shows I watched.even favorite episodes.movies & where I saw them & who was with me.sometimes i even remember the weather.the things i believed in.the fears i had.the curiosity & the trouble it led me to.starting fires.burning down my clubhouse.driving my brother's truck at 13, down logging roads in Washington.dreams I had & wishes too.i remember my relationship with God being very different.but then, I believed in the Easter Bunny & Santa too.my first crush on a girl.how i thought there was absolutely no difference between coke & pepsi.so to with burger king & mcdonalds.wondering if the moon was really made of cheese.that storks brought babies from god to moms.making snow angels, snow forts.sled riding till im soaked & tired out.how good a hot bath felt afterwards.climbing to the top of maple & buckeye trees when its windy & i can see the storm coming.knocking the cap off a cop's head with a snowball, on purpose, and getting away with it.throwing mud at cars, & not getting away with it....once.taking apart shot gun shells, to get the gunpower to burn.taking a knife to school & threatening to kill a bully, (Knife pressing against him) if he ever said anything to me again.remebering how important it was to correct adults that I was "8 and a half" not 8.how I could get my Grandmother to buy me a toy, everytime we were at the store.even if I didnt ask.falling asleep waiting for Santa.getting up earliy to catch the Easter Bunny, but just close my eyes 'for a second' and he came & left.my brother using me for wrestling practice whether I agreed or not.same brother getting between me and dad to protect me.realising my interest in volcanoes.collecting rocks.finding out how fast my brother's car can actaully go.114.getting all 4 of its wheels off the ground, one time.wonding why that woman looked like a guy.hearing my grandmother swear "shit" the first time.running around for days without shoes.getting stung while the above.scraping my knees & having mom clean me up & put bandaids on me.her, wiping away my tears, giving me a kiss & sending me back out there to play.being pushed off a bridge.waking up on the ground thinking I was going to die & not really caring.running away from home, all day, till it got dark.rollercoaster are fun.spinning things make me puke.haunted houses are awesome.steel slides get Really hot.mean people come in every color, age & size.girls hate boys cause they dont have wieners.adults say the stupidest things.wanting to be 13 so bad, & realizing its the Same as 12.drinking wine straight out of the wine barrle is fun, untill u puke, that is.whiskey does not make toothache pain go away, but it does stop me from telling dad about it.watching the clouds change shapes.having the same nightmare for yrs, about being chased through a jungle by a guy with a gun. he caught me everytime.trying to see if my mom really had an eye on the back of her head.feeding bread crumbs to ants.being bit by my dad's dog.being happy when it ran away & never came back.watching my dad kill kittens with a shovel.that alone is reason enough to hate the man.hoping that I would find out I was adopted.skinny dipping isnt nearly as fun as they made it out to be.there was actually no where, to run away, to.my best friends dad is nearly as scary as my own.he never touched me, but I knew he wanted to, from the way he looked at me.peanut butter & miracal whip sandwitches Rock.chickens dont Have fingers.life seems less fair to some than others.playing Dungeons & Dragons until 4am.

_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho

I'm sorry about earlier ... it was just a whole mess and I got paranoid about things that happened recently in chat ... some people want me out ... I just couldn't make sense of what was happening everyone disappeared.This sounds awful but I genuinely believed that this was a way to get rid of me ... just confuse the hell out of me and I didn't know what the emails were about because the first thing i saw didn't make any sense ,...When all is said and done ...I prologize for having accused you of setting me up.I'm sorry.

I just stumbled onto this again ... and am truly embarrassed by my earlier mistakes.I still am not getting 'posts' figured out very well.I stumble onto stuff ... and then can't find them again.

Anyway ...

I've read your story now ...

I agree with Traveler and Lancer.It brought a very wide smile to my face,except for the obvious parts.

It took me back to a journey through mychildhood too,but I was nowhere near as brave as you.My child would have thought your child was pretty awesome too,but I don't think we could have been friends.I was pretty timid ... and probably would have been afraid of you ...

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