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divorce

Well, I have to tell you that I am an emotional wreck as I type this blog post, both the last in my current forum and the first on my new website operationpassion.com. What a roller coaster ride the past two years have been, and to have it all culminate in this moment, is without a doubt the proudest moment of my life.

I’m riding high on a wave of self-love right now, and feel completely overwhelmed with gratitude for the outpouring of love and support I’ve been blessed with by all of you over the past week (since my official business-launch announcement), and the entire two years since I launched my blog. To have it go live today as not only a blog, but also a podcast, a daily email service for the brokenhearted, and a workshop, is more than a dream come true – it is everything I’ve ever imagined for my life and more.

This operation: passion community that we’ve created exists to help other women heal, find joy again, and most importantly, rise from the ashes of their pasts into the beauty of self-love. I know my life’s purpose is to help others, and through this website I know that I will be able to do more of that than I ever imagined possible. I could not be more grateful for the life I’m living today, and of course, the experiences that brought me to this place, namely my divorce.

Please click here to check out the new and improved operation: passion community, and listen to the podcasts, subscribe to our newsletter and daily notes, and consider who you know that could benefit from my workshop. I am here to help, and I would love to do that for any woman you know who could use a little love and support during her breakup, or simply with discovering the joy of self-love. You believing in me enough to spread this message far and wide means the world to me.

So I’ve got some MAJOR stuff happening over the next few days, and I think I’ve been hesitant about making it public, or posting about it here because, well, then it becomes real. Like if I tell you all that I’m launching my new business on April 4th, I’ve actually got to launch my new business on April 4th lol…holy accountability, right?! But I’ve decided that with big moves, needs to come big action, which means announcing the launch and getting even more freaking excited for it than I already am!

I always knew that I wanted to do something worthwhile with my life, but I became so complacent in the life I had with my ex that I forgot what it meant to have dreams. I kind of resigned myself to just letting life happen to me, and not making any steps or strides to live the life I’d always imagined. I had a flash bulb moment in a conversation with my ex at the very beginning of our end when he told me that I “just wasn’t a doer”…never mind that I had singlehandedly supported our family for 6 years, he couldn’t be with me anymore because I just wasn’t the kind of person to get things done. This not only upset me, infuriated me, and broke me, it also lit a fire under me the likes of which had never been lit before. At first, all I could think was HOW DARE YOU, and that quickly shifted to I’LL SHOW YOU. Now, that ‘revenge motivation’ eventually faded into meaningful determination, and I decided that I needed to revisit my dreams, and figure out a way to make them a reality!

Enter in an idea for a blog in May of 2015 that stemmed from being determined to fill my nights with something other than wallowing about my divorce, and less than two years later I’m launching that blog into an amazing business that will help women struggling through breakups and divorce find their own path to passion and self-love! On Tuesday, April 4th I will launch operationpassion.com and howtorockyourbreakup.com, which will both direct you to my new, gorgeously incredible website (Prestige Digital has been the most amazing company to work with throughout this six month process!) where you will find an abundance of resources! These will include:

My blog, operation: passion, of course;

My new podcast Confessions of the Brave & Brokenhearted in which I chat with amazing women about overcoming their breakups and discovering self-love;

An email service called Notes from the Bright Side to give you (or a friend!) a daily boost of love (for a year!) when you’re going through the most challenging time of your life; and

So yeah, CRAZY, right?! The excitement and passion I feel in my soul as I write this is truly unparalleled with anything I’ve ever felt before. For the first time in my life I KNOW I’m on the right path, creating the life of my dreams, and building a community for women to find safety, love, support and inspiration during the hardest times of their lives. This is not to say I’m not terrified, because I am…of failure, of not being enough, of not knowing what I’m doing, but fear is no longer something that I allow to control my life!

Stay tuned for the annoying countdown that will ensue over the next 5 days, and please feel free to spread the word about what I’m doing to anyone you feel may benefit from it! Your support and encouragement is going to be invaluable over the coming months, and I count myself incredibly blessed to have people like you in my life to support me in making my dreams come true! Until next week, XO

I just finished a 6 hour dinner and catch up session with my fabulous friend who is visiting from England, and I feel like the time with her has truly catapulted my plans for 2017 into a whole new galaxy. Do you have one of those friends who is so like-minded, and so incredibly inspiring that sharing a room with them, even for just a few hours a year, makes you want to be a better person? That’s what spending time with Samantha has done for me over the past few years, and this evening together was no exception.

Sam was one of the first people I told about the shattering of my relationship with my ex-husband. Not only did she know him well, but she had been through a very similar situation just a few years before, and I needed to know how she’d gotten through the pain. Her live in boyfriend had upped and ended their relationship over the holidays, leaving her completely blindsided, much as I was. I remember laying in bed and Facetiming with her as I sobbed through the story of what had happened, and the ache in her eyes was apparent even as we spoke across time zones and an ocean. She knew exactly what I was going through in that moment, knew the heartache and pain that would inevitably follow as I tried to learn my new normal without the man I thought I’d spend my life with. Her advice was automatic and clear. Don’t give that fucker another second of your time, and keep yourself VERY busy. Find something you love and do it all the time so that you don’t fall into bad vices and habits. At the time I didn’t realize that in just a few short months, that advice would launch this blog and eventually change my life forever.

The most important thing I think I’ve learned from Sam over the past few years as I’ve watched her grow and thrive as an incredibly independent and successful business woman is that WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING. You are smart enough, strong enough, beautiful enough, happy enough, everything enough to live a full life without a partner to complete you. She moved to England to be with the man who eventually betrayed her, but him leaving didn’t stop her from staying overseas and building an incredible life full of friendships, travelling, socializing and professional success. She did this all on her own, in (literally) a foreign country and continues to set and achieve HUGE goals for herself (like climbing Mount Everest in 2017 for instance!). I leave every meet-up with her feeling like I can conquer the world, like there is real magic out there waiting for me.

This all reminded me of an article I read this week written by Danielle LaPorte about holding out for the magic in life. About being aware that when you ask the Universe (or your God) for that special love, or job, or adventure, that we can often be seduced into accepting what comes along first…the ‘okay right now’ stuff. It takes a level of discipline and self-awareness to hold out for the AMAZING stuff, she says. Especially when you’re hungry for it, or in pain, or when you’ve just waited for so, so long for what you want. That’s when it’s hardest to be patient, but also when it’s most important to hold out for the magic that is just around the corner. Doing anything less is doing yourself a huge disservice, and will inevitably have you back at square one before you know it.

Having friends like Samantha (and so many other fabulous women) in my life is my constant reminder that holding out for the magic is not only possible, but also truly my only option. If I know one thing to be true, it’s that settling has been a story I’ve lived one too many times, and it’s done nothing but run me around in circles with the same results over and over again. Happiness comes with waiting (verrrrrrrry patiently) for what’s right and true and full of light and promise, and not from taking what comes easy or first. You owe it to yourself to ask for, wait for, and live the magic that is available to all of us; sometimes you just have to look a little harder and wait a little longer than you might want. That magic is totally worth it though, I just know it. XO

I was chatting with a friend today who was up sick all night last night. She’s a single woman, a HAPPY single woman (yes, we exist!), but while she recounted the horrors of being up for hours ill in the middle of the night, she said “I swear this is one of the few times I miss having a partner – when I’m up alone, sick and scared, and I just want someone to tell me everything is going to be okay”. This is definitely something I can relate to…there are very few times I miss having my ex-husband (or any man) around, but every once in awhile I think to myself “it would really be nice to have some help with this right now” lol! Having said that, this certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t absolutely love what being single right now means for me, because I really really do.

There are many, many things that I’ve learned about myself since I stopped cohabiting with my ex in March of 2015, one of which is that I actually LOVE living alone, something I NEVER thought I’d say. If someone had told me two years ago that I’d be living in my own 2 bedroom semi detached house with a creepy basement and a couple of cats, I would’ve laughed at them – for reals. I hated being on my own at home, at restaurants, generally anywhere in public, just really a big old scaredy cat. It’s really amazing what we can come to terms with and learn to love when we’re forced to live a different kind of life, and that’s something I’ve come to be so grateful for. Doing these things – eating at restaurants alone, going to exercise classes by myself, wandering the streets and malls shopping without someone else’s opinion (and the list goes on) – were all things I honestly thought I’d hate, but they’ve become things I surprisingly thoroughly enjoy. I’ve come to realize that one of the greatest gifts my divorce brought me has been realizing how much I really love my own company.

Now as you’ll notice, the title of this post is that being single is “mostly” awesome lol. That’s because there are definitely still times when I’d love to have a partner in my life. Like when I’m watching something funny on TV and look over to share a smile with the person watching with me (my cats just don’t seem to get jokes the way humans do), or when I’m super tired and don’t feel like taking the garbage out on Monday nights (like tonight!), and especially when my toilet clogs and the plunger just doesn’t want to work for me…these are definitely the moments when I think to myself “hmmmm, maybe I’ll consider one of those boyfriend things again one day”. For the most part though, coming home to an empty house, tossing my coat down on the couch, making whatever I want for dinner and watching whatever I want on TV is a pretty sweet deal (for now anyway)!

I guess the most important thing to remember is not to limit yourself. Just because you’ve never lived on your own doesn’t mean you couldn’t (maybe you should test it out by renting a hotel room for a solo night of ‘you’ time!). Just because you’ve never eaten in a restaurant alone, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it (seriously, go now!). Just because it’s scary to go to a new class (exercise, craft, writing, etc.) on your own, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t run out the door and do it right this second! And just because you never thought you’d enjoy being single (or just spending time on your own if you’re coupled up!), doesn’t mean that you won’t quickly learn to love the times of reflection, learning self love and care, and total and utter amazingness with just YOU. One thing I know for sure is that whether you’re single or in a partnership, taking time for yourself, meeting new people and having amazing adventures is NEVER going to be a bad thing, I promise! XO

I recently received a Facebook message from a woman who shares a mutual friend with me. It was a group message to about 10 women telling us how integral our friend had been to this woman’s life in 2016, and asking us to participate in putting a book together about why we love this special lady so much. And so I just spent a few hours putting together some words about how important and special this woman is to me, and I am SO grateful for the opportunity to share my feelings with her – something I could’ve done a million times on my own, but didn’t until I was asked by someone else. It really got me thinking – how many times have I thought to myself “wow, I’m so grateful for this person, or that person” and yet never found the words to say it out loud to them?! Too many to count, and I think that’s going to change NOW!

I’ve gotten much better over the past few years at thanking people for their support and letting them know what they mean to me (bending your friends’ ears ad nauseum during your divorce will do that to you!), but there are still so many times I’ve read about something someone is doing, or had an old friend do something lovely for me and not taken the time to express how amazing I think they are. How incredible would it be for someone fabulous in your life to know how much you respect them for the fight they’re fighting, or the light they’re bringing to other peoples’ lives?! To know that they have impacted your life while working their personal mission – that is such a gift. As I write these words, I can think of at least 3 women who I know are doing great things (thank you social media!) that I will make a point of reaching out to with some kind words full of gratitude for their amazingness – how about you?! Who can you say YOU ARE AMAZING to today??

I think this will be one of my intentions for 2017. To make a point of telling people how wonderful I think they are ALL THE TIME. How brave I think they are. How strong I think they are. To let them know they’re not alone fighting the fight, or shining the light. Because at the end of the day, we’re all in this together, and if you’re reading this, you’re definitely in it with me. Let’s spread love and gratitude far and wide as 2016 comes to a close and a brand new year of hope and promise crests upon us. I can’t wait to hear who you share your gratitude with!! Don’t be shy, comment below or private message me – I’d love to hear your story of spreading the love XO

So yesterday there was another gorgeous super moon in the sky (we witness about 4-6 of these babies a year), but it was especially brilliant because it was the closest the moon has been to earth since 1948! I’m not sure about you, but I find that I’m much more emotional around the full moon every month, even though scientifically it’s never really been proven that there’s a correlation between moon cycles and human behaviour. I know my ex-husband wouldn’t even go out with his friends when there was a full moon, because he had a history of (let’s say) dramatic behaviour, and I’m sure you’ve heard the words “must be a full moon out” uttered before when people, or your kids, or yourself (haha) are acting out in an exceptionally high-strung way.

I write about this today, because the past few days have felt really overwhelming for me. These feelings all kind of convalesced last night while I was meeting with the amazing website designer who’s creating my new passion project with me, when I started crying out of nowhere! I was looking at all the decisions I have to make over the next few months, and I felt paralyzed. In that moment I felt so scared of making the wrong choices, so scared of failing, so scared that this isn’t the right path for me, that I literally just couldn’t make a decision – cue waterworks. It’s amazing how we can be SO SURE of what we’re doing (and just to clarify, I do KNOW with 100% certainty that I’m following my true North Star with this project), but yet how easily we can succumb to our self-doubt and our self-limiting beliefs. Last night it almost felt like a switch flipped off for me, and I couldn’t see the light anymore for a minute there…luckily I had an awesome friend on hand to steer me back to the light, but it was definitely a moment of panic that didn’t feel great!

I was listening to the final Q&A call of my course with Jen Sincero yesterday morning, and she said something that I’ll never forget. It was so simple, and so true. She told the question-asker that no matter how well things are going along in life, no matter how perfect it all seems, we will constantly face hurdles, battles and regressions. They can come spaced out, or all in a cluster (seemingly) at once, but they are put in our path to challenge us to do better and because they are part of our plan. They can be painful, stressful, pull-your-hair-out annoying, but each of these experiences helps shape our true selves, and molds us into the strongest type of human beings we could ever hope to become.

So after all that turmoil (I’m still blaming the moon a little lol), last night I went to bed feeling incredibly grateful for all the obstacles I’ve been through over the past few years, and all the moments of self-doubt that have forced me to trust myself and my intuition in a way I never have before. These are the moments that remind me that I’m completely unstoppable, and that no matter what happens with anything I do in my life, it’s all part of the plan to get me to where I need to go. I’ve heard at work for years that if your goal or plan doesn’t make you feel physically ill, then it’s not big enough, and I FINALLY know what they were talking about…eeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk!!!! XO

First things first – I got some good eyeball news today!!!! It looks like my blind spot has healed, and the residual blurriness I’m now seeing is from the stitch holding my implant in place. That’ll be removed in early January and apparently it’ll be back to normal sight after that – WOOHOO!! I honestly feel like the biggest weight has been lifted off my shoulders, because despite my best efforts I was incredibly stressed about my eye situation. I think it no coincidence that I started reciting health-based affirmations yesterday, and today my eye is pretty much all healed up – the power of our thoughts and the Universe will never cease to amaze me! This brings me to the subject of today’s post – synchronicity and how what we put out, comes back to us.

About a month ago I hired my dance instructor Allie Sommerville to give me private vegan cooking classes. Allie is not only a kick ass dancer but she’s a certified holistic nutritionist as well, and I was looking for some help getting back to a plant-based diet to help with my arthritis pain. The morning before she came over, I met my friend for coffee and declared that I had decided I was going to teach a dance class. I had watched an episode of Dancing with the Stars the night before, and was in tears watching one of the dance routines. I think in that moment I realized just how passionate I am about dancing, and thought it would be an amazing gift to be able to teach a class one day. So fast forward to Allie coming over for our 3 hour class that afternoon (you seriously NEED to check out her Facebook page From Allie With Love and get her into your kitchen STAT – she’s incredible!) and I started asking her questions about how she became a dance teacher. I told her about the show I’d watched and how inspired I was to teach a class and guess what she said?! She was looking for someone to mentor as her substitute when she’s away from the studio – and she thought I’d be perfect for the job!!!! Ummmm, what?!?! SIGN ME UP!!!!

The synchronicity doesn’t stop there either! I had already been chatting with the amazing owner of Soul Sessions Alicia about an energy exchange, and Allie suggested that I start teaching as her substitute on an energy exchange (for those not in the know, this basically means that instead of paying a membership fee at the studio, I work for free to offset my registration), which was a total win-win for everyone. We all met up the following week, discussed the details and guess who’s teaching her first dance class on December 12th?!?! THIS GIRL!!!!

On top of ALLLLLLLL this amazingness, Allie (who is clearly helping guide me down a path full of awesome right now) also hooked me up with a website designer that day! I had been desperately seeking help in building a website (coming atcha in January 2017 peeps!) for some projects I am SUPER excited about, but kept coming up against brick walls. Allie suggested I speak to Sara (who she knew from dance class), the owner of an amazing web design company called Prestige Digital. Sara and I met, I instantly knew she was the person I wanted to partner with for my site (I’m convinced we’re soul sisters from the mountains), and so another box was checked off my to-do list! Stay tuned for loads and loads and loads of posts about the upcoming greatness I’ve got on the horizon…I’m not going to be able to shut up about it soon lol!

So yeah, coming full circle here, I just really want to emphasize how much I believe that what we TALK about will inevitably COME about. If you have a dream, or some crazy thought you’ve been conjuring up in the back of your mind, start TALKING about it with anyone who will listen! When we put things out into the Universe, the Universe responds by giving us the means to achieve our wildest dreams. I know that talking to Allie during our cooking class that day has undoubtedly changed the course of my life forever. Not only am I putting my health on the front burner again with diet and exercise, but I’m accomplishing my dream of being a dance instructor in spire of all the physical obstacles I’ve come up against over the past 8 years. I also found a partner to build the website of my dreams…literally. This site will make my life’s goal of helping people rock their break ups a reality, and I know it’s all just the very beginning of the super cool, windy, topsy-turvy, crazy fun road sprawled out in front of me..how freaking exciting is that?! XO