Mammograms and the Terror of Waiting for a Diagnosis

Due to the death of my son Danny, I allowed myself one year to not deal with anything that I didn’t want to deal with. Needless-to-say, one of the things I was happy to let slide by was my yearly mammogram. It dawned on me a few weeks ago that it was closer to two years from the time of my last mammogram. I knew the responsible thing to do would be to make an appointment and so I went in last Tuesday.

The last few mammograms I can remember went smoothly and my baseline had been established years ago. I felt reasonably sure that I would be heading home in no time, however, this was not the case. Something didn’t look quite right to the doctor and a needle biopsy was suggested. ”Then do it right now” I thought and they did. They sent me home with lots of “good luck” wishes which unnerved me even more. ”Do they think I have breast cancer?”, I wondered.

The next day I waited by the phone. I was working from home but it was impossible to concentrate. All manner of thoughts ran rampant through my head. ”I won’t do treatment. I’ll have surgery but none of that chemo for me. Unless, of course it’s a mild one that has a good recovery rate, but otherwise, I’m opting for alternatives and having the best days that I can. They say that if detected early, breast cancer is curable. Maybe it’s nothing. I did have breast scares before. Uh oh…I did wait two years between mammos, I might have screwed up. Oh my God.” I thought, and then it would start all over again.

I think it’s funny now, that I used to play ostrich, thinking that I didn’t need mammograms because “I wouldn’t create cancer.” God knows, I’d love that to believe that, but my experience has taught me to remain humble and not to make statements about things that I don’t know for certain. And as I grow older, I realize more and more that nothing is certain except change. And so I waited and I prayed to get out of the cancer ward, yet again.

The call finally came and hot damn! I’m out of the ward! It’s not cancer! It’s something called breast papilloma and nothing to be worried about. Phew! Big relief. But the time I spent waiting for that call showed me how vulnerable I really feel. Even with all the spiritual healing and the complementary medicine that is in my life, I was scared! And I think there are a few important implications here.

I don’t care what Louise Hay or any other healer type person says, NO ONE KNOWS THE CAUSE OF CANCER! No one knows how to prevent all ills and therefore do not DO NOT beat yourself up if you have cancer or any other disease. On the contrary, have compassion for yourself and be kind. On the other hand, don’t just sit there in the wait for your illnesses to wear you down. Explore alternatives and educate yourself. Try different healing modalities from acupuncture to changing your diet from acidic to alkaline. There are things that you can do. Find a good remote healer to take on your case as well.

If you are well now, this is the best time to begin building up your immune system through things like upping your nutrition, and adding herbs and vitamins to your daily routine. After all I have been through, I do believe that prevention is so important. Once you have the illness, it’s a whole different ball game. Really, the most advantageous time to get a handle on your health is before you get sick. Even then, there are no guarantees and that is why, as much as I hate and fear it, I still go for my mammograms.

I hope this opens up some discussion amongst my readers. I’d love to hear from you!!!