Thursday, April 18, 2013

Hello readers. I’m Tom Topptin, Fringe News Feed staffer. My column is usually one of our Top Ten lists of tips to make your lives better. For the past year though, I’ve been traveling the Fringe helping to cover the conflicts throughout our galaxy, first with the Zygani, and then with the current war with the robots.

My fellow sentients, I have seen some terrible things, but I have also seen the best that the universe can offer: Imperial and Fringer working together to dig out survivors of a Zygani raid. Meurlain and Tribesfolk fending off the horrors of the Ways to evacuate civilians from soon to be robot playgrounds. Young people volunteering their bodies, hands, and minds to aid the efforts to rebuild, reload, and resupply. Whole races willing to sacrifice themselves and their homeworld to buy the rest of us time.

The universe is full of all sorts of people: good, bad, and indifferent. These trying times tend to bring out the good in all of us. That in mind, I present to you the Top Ten Reasons to Keep Fighting.

1. Stand By Your Man or Woman or Slug or Plant or...
The robots and their drones do NOT care what you look like, or who you call Boss. They only care about grinding your squishy face into the ground with their giant robotic feet...forever. We are all in this war whether we like it or not, so let’s act like grown ups and make this happen.

2. Lock and Load
The factories of our worlds churn forth more and more guns, ammunition, armor, blades, and all the other implements of war every day. However, the armies in the field can’t resupply without someone to load them into boxes, lock them on to the transports, and make sure that no warrior dies because his or her weapon didn’t pass basic inspection. We have the technology, we need YOU.

3. Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures
This is It. The Big One. The Last Round Up. Final Call at the Station. Seriously, if the universe loses this one, kiss it all goodbye. We can’t stop until it’s over, or we’re over. Ya Dig?

4. Big Damn Heroes
Every day, more and more people are waking up to the fact that they can do amazing things if they put their mind to it. Who’s to say you won’t be pushed to your limits, only to discover a deep well of awesome inside yourself? Or if not, at least you can say you helped.

5. A Reason To Come Home
When all this is over, it will be time to rebuild and start over...and that means lots of opportunity to reinvent yourself for a new era. Regret being a giant jerk? Help rebuild something and do some good for others. It’ll cure what ails ya.

6. The Clothes Make the Sentient
With so many uniforms and other equipment being made, now is the time for all you budding fashionistas to shine! Create a new look to strike fear (or at least confusion) into the soulless metallic hearts of our adversaries. They wouldn't know couture if it hit them in the diodes!

7. Opportunity Knocks
Ever felt like you couldn’t make a difference? Well, now you can in a BIG way. Everyone can contribute to this effort to Keep Us From Being Completely Wiped Out Forever, and everyone is needed. You’ll meet new friends, learn useful skills, travel to exotic places (that may or may not exist later) and wreck a bunch of machines that want nothing more than to mix margaritas on your grave. It’s like the Graduate School of Hard Knocks!

8. Cardio
In the Grim Darkness of the Present, there is a LOT of running. Always with the running. If you live through this, you may very well be in the best shape of your life. So that’s something to look forward to.

9. Singin’ In The Ways
As a morale booster, our brave fighting force has taken up singing during the heat of battle. This has caught on throughout the Universe as people of every culture, race, and profession burst into song at every opportunity. Add your glorious (or at least enthusiastic) voice to the chorus, especially when you are travelling the Web. Song makes the place seem less cold and more warm. Who knows, maybe you’ll get a contract out of it with some big shot producer!

10. News You Can Use
Turn to trusted information sources to keep abreast of happenings in YOUR area! Stay tuned to the Fringe News Feed and your local feeds for the latest information on local calls to arms, public announcements, and the situation throughout the galaxy!

My fellow readers, it has been an honor and a privilege to serve you during these trying times. I, for one, am going to do my part to keep the news coming to everyone. I encourage you to do the same. This is Tom Topptin, Fringe News Feed Staff. I bid you good night.

Vajra: For your future, for your children

With it’s gentle rolling waves, brilliant sunsets, enticing seafood, historic seaside villages filled with individualistic characters, and state-of-the-art underwater utopias, Vajra has something to offer everyone. One of the newest and most prosperous regions in the Fringe, it is divided between the historic landside old world, and the new, unique ocean-faring cities, each one unique, but between them telling their own story of this enchanting and beguiling area.

Vajra is, without doubt, one of the most enigmatic regions of the Grind. It offers work and culture in abundance, thanks to the vast investments and dedication of the Kagome Corporation. With the traditionally harsh environments of Vajra, such as storms and giant city destroying aquatic monstrosities, no longer a threat now that the ocean depths have been conquered and tamed, peace and prosperity that are a premium elsewhere in the galaxy are close at hand.

Vajran cuisine, say by many to be the best in the galaxy, has undergone a renaissance thanks to Kagome innovations. With the recent abundance of high-powered explosives, LASER cutting torches, and Plasma Drill Cannons, even the toughest exoskeletons of cryptozoological monstrosities are no more of a challenge to prepare than using a vibrospoon to properly separate lobstrosity butter. Vajran dishes are simplicity itself, using only the most dangerous of ingredients, enhanced by strong destructive tendencies. Whether your taste buds crave the rare Asharkalypse liver found in most areas of the oceans, or the simple Excoriating Sea Leech swarm, drizzled with murderberry oil and rubbed with supra-garlic, you can be assured that dining in the region will be an absolute delight.

Whether you choose to stay in one of the pioneer Kagome haven-cities of Enlightenment, Tradition, or Inspiration, or one of the latest engineering marvels such as Prosperity, you can be guaranteed that Kagome and Vajra is the safest place you can be, either for a vacation or a long term residence.

Web paths to Vajra are available all year. It is well served by the Fringe web guides, as well as many Meurlain. Traveling into Vajra is one of the safest trips you can possibly make. Our paths and nodes are Chill and Shiver free, and do not face any of the hinderance or destruction by the robotic onslaught facing the rest of the galaxy.

Vajra: The future of tomorrow, today!

*This has been a paid advertisement by the Kagome Corporation*

Gossip Scraps

Chickens aren’t the only thing that come home to roost, so do Ravens

Recent public announcements coming out of Lethe sound very similar to those announcements from Vajra. Is the same PR firm involved with both planets? Is this the start of a corporate hegemony?

Record numbers of genetically varied individuals have been seen flocking to Vaitarani, seeking not only high hazard pay, but a chance to roll around in the toxic waste before it is disposed of. Glowing results have been reported.

A soul can only be folded in half exactly three times.

The Taiowa Chamber of Commerce has voted to change their planetary slogan from Taiowa: Life’s a Beach to Taiowa: Life’s a Breach

Baron Glow-Gun-Gambler has been heard to have acquired yet another glowing gun. When asked about this, he was heard to say, “I have two hands”.

Empathic Cyborg has a new outlook on life. After holding a yardsale for his guyliner stockpiles, he was seen entering a tattoo parlor asking about a cybernetic butterfly.

Pulpiteer is making his fellow gin-and-gunslingers green with envy. Seen holding a bright green gun in one hand and a tumbler in the other, shouting “Freedom!” before each shot.

The Lotus of Middian has recently been approached to headline Middian Weekly’s new “Hot Moms of Middian” summer issue after placing highly in a straw poll.

Death by Chocolate is a legitimate concern on Middian. The FTU is now issuing travel warnings about the “dangers of quantum cocoa”.

Recently discovered Deadly Dagger wielder heard to opine “it’s not the size that counts”. Wielder of the Glorious Spear of Victorious Victory still recovering from laughing exhaustion.

In a public ceremony, Seeker has officially accepted the Imperial position of Lord Chancellor of Sexy Times and Getting Down. College themed vid production skyrockets following rumors of official training and schools for companions.

I met her in a fight at a cold dark gate, her soul been possessed by an ancient hate, LOLA. L-O-L-A, LOLA.