Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Ken Clarke to downgrade some killings to "mild murders"

Cigar Smoking Jazz fan and UK Justice secretary Ken Clarke has today announced that he intends to re-classify some murders as "mild murders". Ken, who I used to like, states on a interview on this mornings SKY news "murdering involving the smushing of someone's fizzog is by its by its very nature more serious than a drive by shoot out in south London or a mafia killing involving a stiletto knife shoved into the brain from the base of the neck". "How can the we even treat these murders as the same thing?" he added while huffing and going all big faced and bloated. Evil Tory MP Nadine Dorris added to the debate in her usual pathetic style"If murder victims learnt to just say no they would be allot less killings" said the wizened cow while playing with a set of Rosary beads.

Meanwhile murder campaigners have reacted to Ken's statements with incandescent rage , "just wait till I get hold of the fucker I will show him a mild murder" said Betty Outrage aged 55 from whatever the latest trendy suburb in London is called. "if Ken had been murdered he would now exactly it feels" she added.