In early 2006, George told Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki during a face-to-face meeting:

a) "I am impressed by the strength of your character and your desire to succeed and I am impressed by your strategy."

b) "Do I make you horny? How about shedding the shirt and sending me a picture? I would love a picture."

c) "I have the feeling that about 60 percent of what you say is crap."

d) "You've got that little smirk on your face and you think you're so clever. But I had responsibility for trying to protect this country. I tried and I failed to get bin Laden. I regret it. But I did try."

e) "I don't care what people are saying uptown, or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate by the end of the day."

Editorial: TRANSCRIPT OF DICK CHENEY'S NEXT RALLY WITH U.S. TROOPS IN IRAQ

VICE PRESIDENT: Thank you. (Applause) Wow, that's quite a welcome. Lynne, the little test-tube grandkid and I are delighted to be here today. And I want to thank you for that fantastic welcome.

Let me say good afternoon to my fellow Americans. It's great to be here today at Camp Victory! (Light applause.)

I have a message from the folks back home: We're grateful for your service in "Operation One More Desert Crackdown II," and we're delighted with the progress that’s being made. (Sound of cough in back.)

I'm only sorry I couldn't come last month. They told me Britney Spears-Wolfowitz was here, and the doctor said my heart couldn’t take the excitement. (Sound of potato chip being crunched.)

But, seriously, I was last here two years ago, and it’s obvious to me that we have finally turned the page in the war on terror. (Laughter.)

And make no mistake about it. We are winning this war! (Sound of "Meow" from back row. Followed by "Moo," "Cock-a-doodle-doo," barnyard noises.)

OFF-MIKE VOICE: All right, you assholes! Knock it off!

VICE PRESIDENT: … And I wanted to let you know how much I personally appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made. (Pin dropping onto floor.)

And to each and every one of you, I bring the personal gratitude and the good wishes of our Commander-in-Chief, President George W. Bush. (Sound of knee cracking, as White House aide bends to retrieve pin.)

It’s now been seven years since the United States was attacked by a terror network much like the one that was at the time believed by all to be planned by the evil monster dictator, the late Saddam Hussein. (Throat cleared in back row.)

And certainly, nobody can ever forget the unforgettable events of September 11th, 2001. (Sound of wind blowing outside auditorium.)

Now, with the help of our great former allies, we have brought democracy to Iraq and built a great, professional Iraqi Army. (Sneezing. Burps. Passing of gas. Laughter.)

OFF-MIKE VOICE: All right, you assholes! That’s enough!

VICE PRESIDENT: It’s now nearly six years since the liberation of Baghdad. I know, to some of us, it seems like yesterday. (Sound of sweat droplet from vice president’s nose splashing on floor.)

So, in conclusion, thanks again for everything. (Loud ticking of Vice President’s watch.)

If any of you have any questions.... (Chairs being folded.) Um, I was told I could get a picture with some of you? (Auditorium emptying.) One of you...?

c) "It wasn't my kill shot. If I'd used my kill shot, he wouldn't be talking about it now."

d) "Immediately, he started apologizing. At first, I wanted none of it. But as the extent of his injuries became clear, I started to feel sorry for him. I motioned for the doctor, even though I knew it meant the press would soon be making a big stink. But that's me. Helping him was just the right thing to do."

d) "The boss with the sauce, the man with the plan, the hot Secretary with the overripe cherry - no, wait, that's Condi. (laughter applause).. The man who brought venereal disease to Washington. (laughter, applause) Seriously, though, folks, he's truly a great sport and all-around good guy."

DOCTOR PARKINSON 9. Rush Limbaugh

In 2006, Rush said of actor Michael J. Fox:

a) "He is exaggerating the effects of [Parkinson's Disease]. He's moving all around and shaking and it's purely an act.... This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn't take his medication or he's acting."

b) "I don't believe the time travel machine used by Michael J. Fox in the 'Back to the Future' movies is feasible. But I'm mostly interested in what you people have to say. As you know, that's the reason for this show."

In 2006, after suffering through allegations of homosexuality and drug use, Ted said in a public statement:

a) "I am a deceiver and a liar. The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality...There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult life."

b) "Jesus H. Christ, this blows. But guess what? I just found out that I can save big money on my car insurance! Haha. Just keeeding, folks, just keeeding. That's all for now, everybody. Aloha, God bless and goodnight!"

WE ARE MARTIAL 22. (Tie) Alberto Gonzales

In 2006, Alberto shocked the the Senate Judiciary Committee when he said:

a) "President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance on a far broader scale..."

b) "Keith Olbermann is a slimeball. a midget. a punk. I'd love to fight him. I'd make a pizza out of him."

c) "I'm going to tell you a story you've never heard before, because no one knows this story the way I know it. It takes place on the night of June 12, 1994, and it concerns the murder of my ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her young friend, Ronald Goldman. I want you to forget everything you think you know about that night, because I know the facts better than anyone."

b) NPR, Terry Gross, Bill Moyers, Tucker Carlson, NBC, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, The New York Times, The Daily News, The Corporation For Public Broadcasting, your local PBS station and Viewers Like You.

c) Andrea Macris, O.J. Simpson, Hollywood, AHOY, reporters, college professors, college students, colleges, pickers, grinners, lovers, sinners, jokers, smokers, midnight tokers, people who call him "the Space Cowboy," and people who call him "Maurice," 'cause he speaks for the pompatus of love.

d) All of the above.

On the radio last year, Bill told one disrespectful caller:

a) "When you call us, ladies and gentleman, just so you know, we do have your phone number. And if you say anything untoward, obscene, or anything like that, Fox security will then contact your local authorities, and you will be held accountable."

b) "So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind...and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd just put it on your p***y but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business."

c) "If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it's clean, he has nothing, I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush Administration again, all right?"

NACHO LIBRE 29. Hugo Chavez

During his 2006 speech at the United Nations, Hugo said:

a) "The devil came here yesterday, and it smells of sulfur still today, this table that I am now standing in front of. Yesterday, ladies and gentlemen, from this rostrum, the president of the United States, the gentleman to whom I refer as the devil, came here, talking as if he owned the world."

b) "Whoa, dudes! Brown Alert! Whew, who cut the cheese? Satan?'"

c) "You think I am afraid of your American tough guys? I am here to take your women and to shit all over your floor. Then we will see who your Bruce Willis really is."

THE VIEW FROM NOWHERE 31. (Tie) Rosie O'Donnell

b) Football captain, cafeteria monitor and sergeant-at-arms for the Tool & Die Club.

c) Babysitter for the family of future vice president Dick Cheney.

In 2006, Rosie said of Donald Trump:

a) "I just think that this man is sort of like one of those, you know, snake oil salesmen in 'Little House on the Prairie. [He] left the first wife, had an affair, left the second wife, had an affair. Had kids both times, but he's the moral compass for 20-year-olds in America?"

b) "Had the decision been left to [him], Saddam Hussein would still be in power in Iraq."

c) "He is exaggerating the effects of the disease. He's moving all around and shaking and it's purely an act. This is really shameless of [him.] Either he didn't take his medication or he's acting."

R U HORNY?? OMFG!!! ; ) 35. Mark Foley

In 2006, when ABC News asked why Mark had requested that a young page email him a photo, Mark's office replied:

a) Requesting photos is standard practice.

b) If they knew how hot that page was, they'd want a picture, too.

c) GOP leaders had investigated this, so it was a waste of time pursuing the matter.

d) They'd get back to them after the election.

While at the 2004 Republican Convention, the 17-year old pictured above with Mark wrote in his blog:

a) Congressman Mark Foley had to return to DC to accompany FEMA back to the District to help with the relief efforts for hurricane Frances. Mark's sister Donna took the time to call me and tell me to pick up an envelope they left for me at the front desk with a small surprise. I opened the envelope to find Mark's final evening Floor credentials and a note encouraging me to make him proud. What could anyone say except, THANK YOU!

a) "Look man I'm in a whole 'nother tax bracket/ It don't matter what you blow, boy you can't match it / 40 grand I take the whole crew to Miami / Then we pop Crys off like they won Grammy's."

b) "I decided long ago/ never 2 walk in anyone's shadow / if I fail, if I succeed/ At least I lived as I believe./ No matter what they take from me / they can't take away my dignity / B-cuz the greatest love of all / is happening 2 me."

c) "So how do U thank someone / Who has taken U from crayons 2 perfume?/ it isn't easy but I'll try/ If U wanted the sky / i would write across the sky in letters / that would soar 1,000 feet high / 2 sir with love."

HERBIE THE LOVE DRUG 39. (Tie) Lindsay Lohan

After the death of director Robert Altman, Lindsay emailed his grief-stricken family to say:

a) "He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do. So every day when you wake up. Look in the mirror and thank god for every second you have and cherish all moments. The fighting, the anger, the drama is tedious."

b) "O Captain! My captain! Our fearful trip is done; The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won."

c) "At times like this, we must not give in to the voices of despair. There will be victory in Iraq."