Loss, Grief, and Bereavement - Experience

What helped you through your loss, grief, and bereavement?

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How can people cope with grief?

There remains some controversy about how to best help people survive the loss
of a loved one. While many forms of support are available and do help certain
individuals, little scientific research has shown clear benefits for any
particular approach for grief reactions in general. That is thought to be because each approach to support is
so different that it is hard to scientifically compare one to another,
intervention procedures are not consistently reported in publications, and the
ways these interventions have been studied are flawed. Although there has been some concern that grief counseling for
uncomplicated grief sufferers works against bereavement recovery, there is
research to the contrary. One approach to treating grief is the dual process
model, which endorses the bereavement process as being the dynamic struggle
between the pain of the death of the loved one (loss-oriented) and recovery
(restoration-oriented). This model of treatment recommends that bereaved
individuals alternate between directly working on their loss (confrontation) and
taking a break from (avoidance) that process when appropriate. For couples that are grieving the occurrence of a miscarriage, brief professional counseling has been found to be helpful.

Quite valuable tips for journaling as an effective way of managing
bereavement rather than just stirring up painful feelings are provided by the
Center for Journal Therapy. While encouraging those who choose to write a
journal to apply no strict rules to the process, some of the ideas encouraged
include limiting the time journaling to 15 minutes per day or less to decrease
the likelihood of worsening grief, writing how one imagines his or her life will
be a year from the date of the loss, and clearly identifying feelings to allow
for easier tracking of the individual's grieving process.

To help children and adolescents cope emotionally with the death of a friend
or family member, it is important to ensure they receive consistent caretaking
and frequent interaction with supportive adults. For children of school age and
older, appropriate participation in school, social, and extracurricular
activities is necessary to a successful resolution of grief. For adolescents,
maintaining positive relationships with peers becomes important in helping teens
figure out how to deal with grief. Depending on
the adolescent, they even may find interactions with peers and family more
helpful than formal sources of support like their school counselor.
All children and teens can benefit from being reassured that they did not cause
their loved one to die, and such reassurance can go a long way toward lessening
the developmentally appropriate tendency children and adolescents have for
blaming themselves and any angry feelings they may have harbored against their
lost loved one for the death.

Effective coping tips for grieving are nearly as different and numerous as there are bereaved individuals. The bereaved individual's caring for him/herself through continuing nutritious and regular eating habits, getting extra rest, and communicating with surviving friends and families are some ways for grief sufferers to ease the grief process. The use of supportive structure can also go a long way to helping the aggrieved individual come to terms with their loss. Anything from reciting comforting prayers or affirmations, to returning to established meal and bedtimes, as well as returning to work or school routines can help grieving individuals regain a sense of normalcy in their lives. As death involves the loss of an imperfect relationship involving imperfect individuals, forgiveness of the faults of the lost loved one and of the inherently imperfect relationship between the bereaved and the deceased can go a long way toward healing for the bereaved. While the painful aspects of dealing with death are clear, bereavement sometimes also leads to enhanced personal development.

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