V12 engines. Their numbers are dwindling, sadly. And I predict that, in the coming years, they might be phased out completely in favor of smaller but more efficient systems. So, I propose that they go out with a bang.

I’m looking at you and your V12s in particular, Mercedes. Ferrari, Aston Martin and Lamborghini V12s are doing it right: By being loud, ferocious disturbers of the peace. But Mercedes V12s? Stifled and silenced by mufflers and turbochargers like someone slapped a pillow over their mouths and locked them in a sound booth.

You have a V12, dammit! And let’s face it: Buying a V12 Mercedes these days makes no objective sense, as the V8s are more efficient and the performances differences between the two are negligible. You’re buying a V12 Mercedes because you want a V12, so where’s the fun in it if you can barely tell that has a V12 because they are so quiet?

Here, let me show you. This is a stock Mercedes-AMG S65, with a 6.0-liter twin-turbo V12. It sounds pretty good, sure. Mean. Aggro. All that good stuff.

But also a little static in its sound character, no? It just gets louder, the tone doesn’t really change. And this is the AMG V12, too. The V12 in the Maybach is definitely much quieter, I bet.

God, I love being right.

So, here’s what I propose. We straight-pipe all Mercedes V12s. Even the Maybachs. (Especially the Maybachs). Why? Because why the hell not! Know what happens when you do? You get something that sounds wonderfully Pagani Zonda-ish.

Straight-piping all Mercedes V12s probably won’t help with the economy or feed people who are needlessly starving, but it can’t hurt. It will at least put a smile on the face of at least one (1) child and this is really why we do it, folks.