Well, I've just had to put Liberal Progressives on another planet called RU486. I've done time in the alcoholic rehabilitation tanks in psychiatric wards, and the schizophrenics, manic-depressives and catatonics I encountered there made more sense than anyone from Planet RU486.

This pyramid-shaped object in space, inhabited by a set of aliens originally called the Illuminati - now they're known as Liberal Progressives - first sighted in the 12th Century - these Intellectual Emperors sent us another alien propaganda film, the best so far, because the most honest, The Da Vinci Code. It was just space-shipped to us from RU486 and is being distributed out of the interplanetary foreign offices in Hollywood. The film had a so-so critical reception at Cannes, virtual temple of Liberal Progressives, and it even got panned by some of their own Liberal Progressive film critics - gotta hand it to 'em, they do have standards - and, well, it's all there, pretty much, the history of RU486.

France prayed for these aliens to descend upon us. The unprincipled French got on their knees, just outside the cathedrals they want converted to town halls for the Aliens of RU486, and prayed a "higher form of intelligence" down from space. RU486 responded immediately and sent a squadron, commanded by an alien named Robespierre. These alien "Revolutionaries" quickly cut off the head of the Catholic King, because he'd helped build all those pointless Cathedrals in the first place. Bad king! Certainly not any kind of royalty to be found on the planet RU486.

The Liberal Progressives know more about us than we know about them. They're like the Mormons. I hate to say it, but the Liberal Progressives have the Mormons beat hands down when it comes to faith - faith in the power of information, that is! Is Bill Gates a Liberal Progressive Albert Einstein? So, information-gathering is one of the spiritual exercises on RU486.

As far as I can tell from the little they've wanted us to know about their overall ambitions, the slogan for their civilization is: "Let's not only not protect those who cannot protect themselves, let's abort and euthanize them!" These words from their Declaration of Dependence upon Government, are pretty alien to our own planet and way of doing things.

If they'd only been content to stay on their side of the universe, there'd be no problem. We wouldn't need all these translators and propaganda films. However, they've chosen to invade our solar system. I don't think they're even from our constellation of the Milky Way, let alone a neighbor of the sun. Not a lot of light emanate from them. I think they're out of a Black Hole, actually. The only light they have is charm... and boy, are they charming!

However, the power of prayer works anywhere and the evil French are so fed up with themselves that they called in what they think is a higher power. They found a Seventh Napoleon in William J. Clinton. We all think he was born in Hope, Arkansas, but even he, upon birth, called himself an internationalist. In RU486, that means Interplanetary Higher Intelligence. They're Extra-Terrestrial and their first big propaganda film was E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. Figures. It made them look nice and Christ-like. Now their version of Christ is their new Napoleon, Bill Clinton, and that's the end of the "nice guy." If you don't believe me, wait until the NEXT President he appoints to run the United States.

At any rate, I have only one question to the readers: "RU4 being "86'd off your own planet?"

I've been kicked out of bars because... well, I was a very bad drunk. At times, I even needed what you might call a little unrequested assistance. However, now that I'm two years sober and giving no one ANY probable cause for arrest, I'm a little, well, yeah, angry with these aliens, now in high office, when they're giving me the 86 sign in my own neighbourhood restaurants, library, shops, gas stations and apartment! Right there on television! The commands are getting stronger and more forthright. They're saying, rather loudly now: You just don't belong on this planet!!

Gee... really?

It used to be ours in the States until Joseph McCarthy, our first Alien-Hunter, was branded a drunken fascist! Then the social engineers assassinated President John F. Kennedy because he just couldn't say yes to legalized abortion and wanted us to go to the Moon and beyond. You see, the Liberal Progressives don't want us off this planet until we are all Liberal Progressives. Yes, the entire human race is being held hostage by the Scientists from RU486 who want to reprogram us.

Mao Zedong, that Napoleonic "man of action," as that alien, Edmund Wilson, might have called him, began reprogramming in earnest during his rise to power. It was a little crude. Anyone who didn't "get it," so to speak, was shot or starved to death. Some Red Chinese scientists thought they could be more humane than Mao, more like us, and suggested brainwashing the unconvinced, so to speak. They're fantastic at it now. These RU486 Reprogrammers now run most of the world's universities, colleges and movie studios. These days, education and entertainment are actually barely concealed reprogramming. And the reprogammers want to 86 me off my own planet. They don't want any new humans until they get the ones living here now either reprogrammed, euthanized, or retroactively aborted. Therefore, they run around America's commitment to the "inalienable right to life" by having lawyers use human rights as a way to legalize abortion. They know what suckers we are for human rights and, well, they put women in charge of everything in the same way Hitler tried to make Aryan rights the only rights on earth. It didn't work, of course, because they didn't have Bill and Hillary Clinton in their corner. A few million humans kicked the crap out of Hitler, although they let Dr. Josef Mengele escape. There yuh go... Now! The Liberal Progressives have become so confident their reprogramming is working that they started making T- shirts with "I just had an abortion!" emblazoned on the front. Not even Hitler manufactured "I just killed a Jew" T-shirts.

The new Liberal Progressive T-shirt didn't sell, I guess. Now that they know what Hillary is up to, her popularity ratings are dropping. Gee, I guess everyone hasn't been reprogrammed yet. These aliens had better hurry up. The human race is starting to catch on to what is really going down.

I often wondered what Adolf Hitler must have been thinking as he built the Third Reich. I suppose he thought that if he has a regiment of Max Schmelings marching down the Champs Élysées before the movie newsreel cameras that the whole human race would fall to its knees and kiss the rear of THE CHAMPION.

If the Clintons can "channel" the souls of America's two first Liberal Progressives, Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, Mengele is a piece of cake to slam-dunk down our souls.

Oh, by the way, Franklin and Eleanor are telling the Clinton's that victory is a cinch. Why? Bill is so charming! Damn, the guy's a charmer. And the Aliens are covering their backs with a black version of Emperor Clinton. His name is Barack Obama. Boy, is he charming. Harvard's the best at that. Even better than Georgetown University that turned out Clinton. Yup, Harvard is the greatest charm school in the world. Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code is of course playing a professor of symbology from Harvard. (Does this position really exist?)

I'm an alcoholic. I have charming moments. So did that other wino Winston S. Churchill. Ulysses S. Grant... boy, could he bang it back! Noah built the Ark while drunk. A contractor doesn't need to be charming when God is the architect. Noah was too busy saving all known life from extinction. The Black Clinton, Obama, doesn't believe Abraham Lincoln saved America from slavery any more than he believes the Story of Noah... or anything he reads in the Bible. Read his remarks on Lincoln in Time Magazine's Greatest American issue. He patronizes Lincoln in the same way Bill Clinton dismissed Pope John Paul II's Papacy. Clinton described it as "checkered." I know that the Polish Pope was an actor once but, gee, his shepherding millions of Catholics is hardly analogous to a Hollywood movie star's career.

Ronald Reagan was an actor. He was a better President, though, wasn't he? I mean... come on... he dismantled the Soviet Union without firing a shot! That's Biblical, you know?

Emperor Clinton believes in the Bible. He quotes it once a month. He believes in the Bible the way Josef Stalin believed in the manuals of infiltration for the KGB! How else are you going to reprogram the human race if you don't behave like you're one of them?

A lot of movies these days are about alien invaders. However, to have a Liberal Progressive like Steven Spielberg make one of these films (War of the Worlds) is what the psychiatrists call "projection," placing your own nightmare as a Liberal Progressive onto an alien race.

Spielberg was allowed to sleep in the Clinton's honeymoon suite at the White House, better known as the Lincoln Bedroom... So now he has an "in" with Bill and Hillary. Spielberg keeps deflecting our attention away from abortion by showing how gorgeous the Beautiful People of Liberal Progressive Hollywood are and how bad one of his Emperors was - that stupid racist pig Hitler, who wanted to abort only Jews... coward... when you abort Mankind... it's no good unless you abort Mankind... all the way... it's Rainbow Death or nothing - and then skipping a few of his favourite emperors, Stalin and Mao, he starts telling us all about those terrible aliens that'll get us... and he is a lapdog on a leash tied directly to Emperor Bill Clinton's Empire that arrived here from a planet called RU486.

Am I for death? No, I'm not! I'm a human being, jerks!

Michael Moriarty is a Golden Globe and Emmy Award-winning actor who has appeared in the landmark television series Law and Order, the mini-series Taken, and the TV-movie The 4400. He recently starred in Pick Me Up, an episode of the Showtime TV series Masters of Horror. Michael Moriarty is also running for President of the United States in 2008 as a candidate for the Realists Party. To find out more about Moriarty's presidential campaign, contact
rainbowfamily2008@yahoo.com.