What
the hell are you doing Karl? GW's approval ratings have plummeted to 47% and
if the Democrats actually build a coherent opposition (OK, big if ...) you
could be joining millions of other Americans pounding the pavement during
Bush's only term in office. Karl, get serious. Republican-owned voting
machines and Bush Sr.'s handpicked Supreme Court won't be enough to bail out
GW this time around. You need an action plan to guarantee November, and here
it is in ten easy steps:

1. Make
God a Republican mascot

That whole
"mission to Mars" thing was brilliant -- appease the Christian right by
seducing the general public with Star Trek fantasies. Of course no one
expects Bush to actually follow through with any space exploration that
doesn't involve militarizing the heavens, but what better excuse to cut
Hubble funding and avoid proof the earth is older than biblical
interpretations? Brilliant. Now teach GW a few more phrases in Spanish, and
go after abortion rights, gay marriage, and Janet Jackson's boob. God bless
America.

So Dick's outta
here. He can still control GW from behind the scenes, but get a different
front-man. Vice President Giuliani? Tugs on the 911 heartstrings. Or how
about Schwarzenegger? Arnie's been faithful to big oil companies in
California; he could Terminate the rest of the country too.

3. Go for
nukes

Forget those
whiners complaining that Bush's 2005 budget trashes social services and the
environment; let 'em eat bunker busters. GW's proposed $6.6 billion increase
in weapons spending is just what America needs, and his 200% funding
increase for the "Penetrator" nuclear weapon is right on target. You don't
need diplomatic carrots when you've got the scariest stick.

4. Parade
Evildoers

The "capture of
Saddam" -- what a coup! Distracted Joe Sixpack from nasty 911 questions and
bumped up Bush's numbers at the same time. Who cares if it really is Hussein
or how he was caught? Photos of the mystery prisoner will help Bush next
fall, and face it, even former Secretary of State Madeleine
Albright thinks the administration already has Osama bin Laden. Just
waiting for the most politically helpful time to "find" him ...

5.
Pillage/pull out of Iraq

This
administration is in deep Shiite in Iraq -- staring down the barrel of civil
war and uncomfortable questions about GW's imaginary stint in the National
Guard. Veterans love Kerry and the whole Jane Fonda photo-op hasn't seemed
to win them back. Karl, tell your boss to cut his Baghdad losses and run.

But first,
silence reports about the US-led Coalition Provisional Authority
(CPA) "misplacing" billions in Iraqi funds. That's our business. And
have Bremer hurry up privatizing lucrative Iraqi assets; insist on full
ownership rights for US companies connected to Carlyle, Bechtel and
Halliburton.

6. Explode the
deficit

So what if the
$127 billion fiscal surplus Bush inherited turned into a $450 billion
deficit? Who hasn't maxed out credit cards before? Sometimes you just have
no choice. Besides, trillions in future shortfalls will disappear as soon as
Medicare is privatized and the government can stop providing basic
healthcare to citizens. East Asia will loan us as many billions as it takes
to keep the dollar from depreciating too quickly, and forget those fools who
warn about being too dependent on China. Once we control Iraq's oil and get
those nukes online we can write our own checks.

7. Mess with
Markets

Of course you
remember markets rallied when it looked like Iraq would not be invaded, then
magically rallied a week later at news war was imminent. Weird, huh? But
accusations the Bush administration
smoothed the path to war by propping up crucial Dow Jones equities are
way off base. After all, market rigging is unfair. Sure would be nice if
investors were happy before the election though.

Tell Homeland
Security to use the same surveillance tactics on anyone who protests against
Bush. Remember Karl, if they're not with us they're against us and besides,
there's always room at Guantanamo.

9. "A new
Pearl Harbor"

Cheney has been
warning "our intelligence shows the terrorists continue plotting to kill on
an ever-larger scale, including here in the United States," yet the Bush
administration has stonewalled the 911 investigation at every step.

In other words
Karl, security is best left to the experts. If anyone asks too many
questions, take names.

10. No more
live interviews

Russert's soft
balls during the recent MSNBC interview didn't help: Bush still looked like
an idiot. Have your boss stick to scripted performances.

There you go Karl
-- ten easy steps to four more years of Bush and democracy as we know it.
God bless America.

Heather Wokusch
is a free-lance writer with a background in clinical psychology. Her work as
been featured in publications and websites internationally. Heather can be
contacted via her website:
http://www.heatherwokusch.com.