Mar. 2nd, 2006

08:46 pm - Buzz Light Ear- (Written on 2/28)

The following event occurred on the evening of Sunday, 2.26.06

On Sunday night I had a living creature inside of me- and I’m not talking about housing a baby. I now house a dead insect inside my right ear. At least I think it’s dead- but it must be, because this was 2 days ago now. It was around 11pm or midnight when I was reading a book, that something decided to fly around my ear and eventually into my ear. I still have no idea what it was. Usually at night there are bunches of tiny black little bugs that come around. They don’t look like they fly, but they do. And they’re almost invincible. You have to smash them quite a few times before they actually die. It can oftentimes be challenging because of the fact that they fly away. I believe that’s what went in my ear, but heck I don’t know. It flew in before I could see it.

In any case, whatever it was, it was stuck in there & will be there for the rest of my life apparently. As soon as it went in, I said “oh sh*t! You’ve got to be kidding me!”. Sadly, it wasn’t kidding me. I tried everything- keeping my head still, tilting it, smacking my head to see if I could shove it out, punching my face & ear to see if it would help, turning my head upside down. I beat myself up for nothing. Nothing worked. For 2 hours after it flew in, it was still buzzing around in there. Luckily, it wasn’t buzzing around continuously. But every time I thought ‘ok, he’s finally dead’, it would buzz around again to remind me that indeed it was still alive. That was the absolute worst part. I wanted to scream every time it buzzed around. It was absolutely the weirdest, most disgusting feeling EVER. Each time it buzzed, I would smack my ear with hopes that maybe it would come out flying or that it would just die. I didn’t care what the outcome was- I just didn’t want it to fly while it was IN my ear. It felt like it was stuck inside my brain more than in my ear. It made my whole head buzz. Gross gross gross. I didn’t scream & I didn’t pass out. I’m not sure how I made it. The weirdest thing is that in the middle of the night it woke me up at one point because it started flying around again. The little fricker was quite resilient indeed. At this point I had seriously had enough. Still, there was really nothing I could do- our Peace Corps Medical Handbook doesn’t mention anything about what to do in case something flies in your ear. Neither does “Where There is No Doctor: Life in A Village Handbook”, the other medical book they gave us. No, apparently this kind of thing isn’t normal or usual enough to be mentioned. Who woulda thunk it? Luckily, after that rude awakening in the middle of the night, I didn’t hear from it again. I assume it must have finally died by now.

Despite the “oh-my-God-WTF?-I-can’t-believe-this-really-happened” feeling, I think it’s a hilarious story. It’s just one more story to tell, so secretly I think this was a pretty cool thing to happen. Shhh… don’t tell anyone. Sure I might have died from it had it been lethal, but it’s a cool way to go out. Like getting eaten alive by a lion or getting stomped on by an elephant while camping out at Etosha National Park. That reminds me- my friend Matt, who is serving up North pretty close to Etosha, went camping there this weekend for his birthday. He sent me an SMS (Namibian for text message) to say that he had seen his first zebra & giraffe. I told him I was green with envy. That bastard.

I told SanDyl the following day about the fact that I had something fly into my ear and that it was still in there. They couldn’t believe it- it was great. They asked why I didn’t go wake them up. I had come thisclose to running to their room to wake them up the last time the little fricker flew around in my ear, but then I thought about it and realized that there was no point in going to wake them up. What for? Were they going to stick their hands inside my ear, dig, & pull out the little guy? There really was no solution. Dylan is a physical science teacher & he’s got some utensils in the classroom for labs, so he brought me back a syringe-type of thingy today. It’s just one of those that you fill with hot water, press down on the top piece, and it squirts out fast & powerful. I’m not sure what exactly this is supposed to do but I figure that if there is any slight chance that he is still alive, he will drown now. Sucka!

I wonder a few things. Is the little guy just trapped in a bunch of ear wax? Is there any chance of him ever coming out? Can he somehow travel from my ear into my brain & cause some major abruptions or some abnormal growth? Will this have some long-term side effects? Will I end up being deaf on my right ear? Is there any way I can poop him out? I know the answer to all of these questions is no. Still, it’s fun to wonder & create all sorts of ridiculous questions surrounding the circumstances. (I have a lot of time to kill.) Yes, I’m sure it’ll be fine. After all, those 3 pieces of pencil lead I have had in my body for over 15 years (all in various places- apparently getting stabbed by pencils was almost a hobby when I was young) haven’t killed me. It might explain my absolute craziness, but hey I’m still alive. Now I have something else to blame for my insanity & eccentricities. “Hey man, it’s cause I’ve got lead AND a dead bug all stuck inside of me. You don’t know what it’s like to have to live like this!”