After all, lots of folks are flying in a fog when it comes to the question of a workable marriage, and may be relying on fanciful thin-ice ideas about “falling in love” to settle the matter.

Love does matter, but how singles and would-be married couples define it may be sound or shallow, and shallow ideas about love can be a marriage-breaker; not a marriage-maker.

At one point Schroer related this about the Marriage 101 course: “The course does suggest a marriage where two people see the world completely differently is a challenge.”

I would petition for the following amendment: “... a marriage where two people see the world completely differently is a train wreck in the making.”

Why? Because what I call “values compatibility” is a fundamental prerequisite for a stable, healthy, and satisfying marriage.

Values compatibility means the couple’s fundamental values are in agreement, and if not exactly the same, at least close to it.

An initial physical attraction (aka “falling in lust”) will not compensate for the irreparable damage conflicting values will do to the couple’s relationship, and the doom these portend for their actual or would-be marriage.

Let me try to illustrate.

If one person believes strongly in honesty and the other isn’t as concerned about telling the truth, that’s “values dissonance” not values compatibility.

If one is content with a modest income and the other wants to live in the lap of luxury, ditto.

If one wants a big family and the other cares not for children, ditto.

If one believes strongly in education and the other cares not for growing in understanding, ditto.

If one is a big drinker and the other a tee-teetotaler, ditto.

If one is a new-age liberal and the other a staunch conservative, ditto.

If one believes strongly in life lived by faith, and the other cares nothing for religion, ditto, and etc.

The more a couple’s fundamental values differ, the greater the likelihood their marriage will be a disaster from the beginning.

Values dissonance is the basis for marriage conflict. The more dissonance, the more intense and frequent the conflict.

No Marriage 101 course in good communication or managing conflict, however sound and helpful in a general sense, can compensate for a marriage that is rife with values dissonance.

On the other hand, when a couple has values agreement — values compatibility — that couple has minimized the potential for severe conflict from the beginning.

The question then becomes, “What will keep the couple’s values compatible?”

For some of us, this is where the primacy of religion comes in. After all, if you are following the same star, your paths are not likely to diverge.

But a final note is necessary about values compatibility. The prerequisite for a marriage based on values agreement is self-knowledge. If you know yourself well, you know what your core values are.

And if you know what your core values are, you know what core values to look for in each person you date and consider as a potential marriage partner.

There is of course much more that could be said about this topic, and the Schroer article brings out other matters worth considering, which have not been discussed here.

But as frosting for this cake goes, I’ll close with another quote from the Schroer article: “It isn’t about height or age ... although ideally one is physically attracted to one’s potential partner. It is about one’s worldview, a way of approaching life and whether your partner is open to accepting or embracing that view.”