Today's pitch comes to us from none other than This Kid Erik! Eleven-year-old Erik plans to eventually take over the world. Right now he's a bit too young, so he is spending time as a fifth grade student, book review blogger and hopeful writer. Erik blogs at This Kid Reviews Books.

Working Title: The Adventures Of Tomato And Pea
Age/Genre: Chapter Book (ages 7 and up) - intended as the first of a series.
The Pitch: For years the evil villain Wintergreen has tried to destroy super crime-stopper, Tomato, and his sidekick, Pea, and take over planet Oarg. In a plan gone wrong, Wintergreen and his gang tangle with Tomato and his friends in a runaway rocket ship that crashes on a strange planet called EAR-TH. Follow this brawling bunch of aliens as they try to get along, survive all the dangers on the strange planet, and find a way to get back to Oarg.

So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Erik improve his pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read Itor on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above. There are openings in June so polish up your pitches for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Erik is looking forward to your thoughts on his pitch! I am looking forward to jelly beans... and chocolate :)

Tomato and Pea. That is one veggie-tastic duo.I'd have to say that I would read it. It sounds interesting to take the enemies and force them into an unfamiliar situation where it sounds like learning to work together would be the only way they can figure out how to get back home. Talk about the conflict that can come from that :-)

Yes, I would read. It sounds like a funny story, Erik. Mixing humor and aliens is always good! Perhaps the pitch could be tightened a bit. Maybe incorporate much of the first sentence into the second?

In a plan gone wrong, the evil/villain Wintergreen tangles with super crime-stopperTomato and his sidekick Pea in a runaway rocket ship that crashes on a strange planet called EAR-TH. Follow this brawling bunch of aliens as they try to get along, survive the dangers and find a way home to planet Oarg.

Stacy's cupcakes look droolicious! I never got around to making them on Monday so may have to make them tomorrow. Mmmm.

Eric is a wunderkind! I know several kids who want to write, but I've not seen the type of dedication and savvy that Eric demonstrates.

Yes, I would certainly read Eric's "battle of the vegetation"! I like Wendy's shortening of it. If Eric wants to maintain the idea that they'd been fighting for years, he could stick use "Arch-nemesis" or "Arch-enemy" to preface Wintergreen (as in, "When a plan goes awry, Tomato, his side-kick, Pea, and their friends end up with his Arch-nemesis Wintergreen and his henchmen in a runaway rocket ship that crashes on a strange planet called EAR-TH."

I also suggest something like "Now these perennial enemies must learn to work together to survive all the dangers on...(etc)"

Yes, I would read it. Very creative idea. I really like how Wendy tightened your pitch. But also like some of Teresa's suggestions and play on words may be fun to incorporate. You really got some great advice.

I'm impressed with the voice in this pitch. I honestly don't have much to add that is different from anyone else. I think the idea of adding arch nemiss would be a great addition and I it sounds like a strong story line.

I would read it! I'm intrigued by the conflict between the evil villain and the super crime-stopper. I love the idea of them crashing on EAR-TH. How fun! And then I can see the potential for a great story in how they must work together to get back home.

Erik's story sounds great. I read the pitch to my 7 year old daughter and she said "I'd like to read that story. Can you get it for me please Mum." I liked how he used runaway rocket ship and brawling bunch of aliens. The story sounds adventurous and the pitch entices you to read more.

I don't know how I missed this - WAIT - I was sick on Wednesday! I like Wendy G.'s suggestion to tighten the first two lines. But I'd suggest tightening a little more "tangles with super crime-stopping duo, Tomato and Pea,..."Good luck, Erik!

I would read this, or perhaps if I had a son, my son would read it. :)

This last sentence could be tightened: "... try to get along, survive all the dangers on the strange planet, and find a way to get back to Oarg." I'd like to see specificity - what kind of dangers? Italian chefs? Gum chewing teens? And more emotion around why they have to try to get along now that they are stuck on earth together. Good job, Erik!

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About Me

Welcome to the wonderful world of writing for children! I am a writer, reader, animal-lover and chocolate enthusiast who lives on Blueberry Hill with my husband, kids, and dogs. Please check out my website at www.susannahill.com to learn more about my books and accompanying activities as well as lots of info for writers, teachers and parents.