5 definitions
by
Scumwaffle

The Suburban Blues Dad --Sections 1-3:
SECTION 1. Outward Appearance:
Goatee/mustache combo, always trimmed to a neat level. Sometimes balding and still trying to rock the long hair.
Over 50, but can be as young as 35.
Summer: "cargo shorts," "mandals", wearing a polo shirt with an embroidered company logo on it. Seldom tattooed.
Winter: Spotless Wilson's leather, recent tour t-shirt from Rush, Jethro Tull, and jeans are relaxed-fit and pre-faded. Also seen with "dockers" trousers.
Seen in Brewpubs with cougar wives the only ones dancing.
SECTION 2--Instrumentation:
Guitars: Fender "strat" or "tele"--spotless '57 reissue
Any Paul Reed Smith guitar
Bass: Any Bass with over 4 strings, period.
Chapman Stick (anyone who plays this should be shot anyway)
Amplification: Trace Eliot, Roland Jazz Chorus, and/or Hartke equipment.
Other Amps: All reissues.
Drums--Too many and too expensive for ability level. If he sings "harmonies" (see below) he tends toward the headset mic.
Keyboards: Too loud and usually shitty sounds.
SECTION 3: Choice of Music:
ALWAYS: anything SRV, and/or a cover of "Little Wing." Also George Thorogood. Dead giveaway signs.
OFTEN: Skynrd, and various other southern "bluesy" bands.
SELDOM: Any song under 10 minutes.

My brother got married, had a couple of kids, moved out to Woburn and became a Suburban Blues Dad. Now he plays once a month at some brewpub up there.

An unholy merging of hip-hop low crotch baggy jeans and hipster skinny jeans. The resulting fashion nightmare can range anywhere from making a chick look like she has a dick to making her look like she has a huge gunt or even a birth-pouch. Also looks like pants on backwards.
Seen on hipsters in London, mostly in the female hipster of the species, but there is some crossover to the "male" version of hipsters.

Roger: "Oy mate, does that bird have her knickers on backwards?"
Simon: "Nah, those are the new fashion--we call 'em "gunt jeans."