And Now Hillary Clinton Will Teach You How to Hop a Subway Turnstile

Hillary Clinton is trying. Hard. The New York primary is on April 19. She's been nae-nae-ing, roof-raising, and dabbing like decades of presidential hopefuls before her. She has this. Sure, Bernie Sanders is from Brooklyn. And sure, all the hip young people are throwing screen printing parties and painting murals of him in Greenpoint. But Hillary has a fighting chance, right? She was a New York senator for eight years. That has to count for something. Right? She's been on New York subways, and she knows if it takes more than five tries to swipe a MetroCard, you try to hop the turnstile, then you give up and just take a cab. She knows that if your car gets booted, you just take a jackhammer to the damn thing. She deserves your vote.