Climb over obstacles, through openings, jump down from elevated surfaces. Jump over obstacles, ditches and streams. Crawl in confined areas to pursue, search, investigate, and/or rescue. Conduct searches of buildings and large outdoor areas. All figuratively, of course.

Communicate effectively over approved grammar enforcement channels while initiating and responding to questions and other communications.

Communicate verbally and effectively by listening to others and by giving information, directions and commands, often within a 140 character limitation.

Conduct grammar surveillance for extended periods of time (and always with a smile).

Perform grammar enforcement patrol functions while working rotating shifts and unanticipated overtime (for which you will never be paid).

Operate emergency vocabulary during both the day and night in pursuit situations involving grammar goofs in excess of posted limits while exercising due care and caution, in exception to traffic control devices and in congested traffic, unsafe language and environmental conditions.

Load, unload, aim, and fire words, abbreviations, acronyms, phrases, complete sentences, and other grammar enforcement agency weapons from a variety of body positions in situations that justify the use of non-deadly force while maintaining emotional control under real and/or imagined extreme stress.

Thanks for your comment! For a bit, we were trying to figure out what type of pet you have that hates these things … we usually see “pet peeves” unless the writer is outside of the US. We’re seeing “pet hates” more and more, but usually with an “are” after. 🙂 Too funny :-).

Don’t know if anyone has commented on this, and it has been several weeks, but I was pleased to hear Joan Rivers correct Annie Duke’s grammar on the Celebrity Apprentice finale. Annie said with feeling, “I always act professional.” Joan snarls back, “Professional-ly — it’s an adverb, you ignorant B@%&$!” You go, Joan!

As a Journalism school graduate, former editor (well, once an editor, always an editor, right?), and communications consultant, I would wear any such deputy badge with honor.

For years, I’ve been the one to review the letters, articles, essays, emails and any written word created by everyone I know…and their uncles. They send it to me for my careful and naturally trained eye. It’s what I do.

Thanks for your leniency! We waffle on this issue … depends upon the format. We used to be strict about including a comma before the last element in a series, but now we let it slide, slide and lapse. 🙂

I just launched a new site that you may be interested in (sentence ending in a preposition!). Before you disregard this comment as SPAM, I highly suggest you check out http://www.quotidianword.com. It seems, how you say, right up your alley.

Make me a deputy because: My blood boils every time I see a misplaced apostrophe (Banana’s, 99¢ / lb). I go berserk when I read “should of” instead of “should have.” When someone says, “Me and her went to the store,” I want to smash something.

I’m a grammar smitty, pure and simple!

Oh, and this job requirement cracked me up:

“Load, unload, aim and fire words, abbreviations, acronyms, phrases, complete sentences, and other grammar enforcement agency weapons from a variety of body positions in situations that justify the use of non-deadly force while maintaining emotional control under real and/or imagined extreme stress.”

Ugh! Bad grammar and poorly written sentences make me cringe. My work day is usually spend fixing the often horriffic writing of those around me. Plus, I’m a minimalist: why use 500 words when 140 characters will do?!

I’d like to be an official junior deputy. I’m only ten years old, but I’ve already placed seventeen people under citizens arrest for abusing the English language. I’ve arrested my brother eleven times. I’ve arrested my mom once and my teacher twice. I don’t use handcuffs or anything, but once I stuffed a sock into my brother’s mouth, tied him up, and made him listen to grammar podcasts. Is that enough to qualify?

Please accept this application for the position of Grammar Cop. I have 40 years of experience specializing in the misuse of passive voice. I put the reporter who wrote this in grammar jail for six months:
“The body of a Van Nuys woman was found stuffed in the back of her car by police. The cause of death was determined to be suffocation by the coroner.”
Imagine that! The coroner strangled her and then the police stuffed her body in the back of her car.
My secondary specialty (very, very difficult to enforce) is catching people using reflexive pronouns as regular pronouns. As in, “Please complete the forms and give them to either Professor Johnson or myself.” If Professor Johnson were not available, would the correct instruction be, “Please complete the forms and give them to myself?”
And I’m hoping to start up an academy that teaches grammar cadets to enforce the rules regarding, “Him and me were late for school.”
Please swear me in.
Thanks!

I would like to become a officer of the english language. I can skim over text and be able to find grammatical errors. Also, I am a retired officer of the Grammar Nazis. My last specialty is discerning your and you’re as well as others. Please add me to your ranks.

I am absolutely thrilled to find this site! I have been having fits of rage over the incorrect use of “it’s” for more than 50 years (thank you Sister Charles, 7th grade English!). I am also fond of diagramming sentences! My latest gripe is the flagrant use of the word “voila “disguised as VIOLA, WAHLAH and WALLA. Are there no correction institutions for this?

I was raised by an unofficial grammar cop. No homework left the house without my mom’s seal of approval of perfect grammar and spelling. Although there have been a few times where I’ve used all capitals to accentuate a point, it has only been when I haven’t been able the set the word on bold or strong. I do correct other but with tact so they know I mean well. The English language can be confusing if one doesn’t pay attention to the rules.

I have a question which is bugging me…. If there are two deputies and they each have an office in the same area. Should the sign read Deputies’ Offices or Deputies Office or Deputies’ offices’. I keep seeing a sign in the school I work at that says: Deputies office….. I am pretty sure this is incorrect. PLEASE HELP!