why is...

...letting go so hard?

i guess it was never meant to be easy. but still. there are things i guess i'm just not meant to understand... or at least understand right now. i have so many questions. there are parts of me that feel crushed... like a dream i've held on to for so long suddenly diminishing. there are other parts that feel relieved. now i know the truth. but i'm left still wondering... why?