Share

Copy the link

Q.I don’t have much self-esteem, and I know why – because in the past I allowed someone to take it from me.

Last year I married the most wonderful man who was a widower. Please help me – because I hate his late wife!

I could cope if they had been divorced and chosen not to be with each other. He tells me he’s never felt in his whole life as good as he does now with me – and I do believe him!

I know I’ve certainly never been so in tune with someone before either!

How do I get over my hatred of a dead woman?

I reckon it’s my own insecurities that are showing up here! I just love this man so very very much!!!!

A. You’re allowing a ‘ghost’ to torment your mind. I hear that you feel jealous of his past relationship – but we all have ‘past’ relationships and they are always in the ‘past’ for a reason.

Whatever he had with her will be very different to what you have with him now. Admittedly she was ‘taken’ from him by death. That is his wound that only he can heal for himself. Loving you and you accepting his love will help him to heal.

By filling your heart and mind with comparisons and jealousy you’re blocking yourself from really feeling his love for YOU in the PRESENT day.

I do know how horrible it feels to be insecure and jealous… it emotionally rips us apart if we allow it to.

I also know only too well how our own past hurts can get in the way of allowing ourselves to be happy. But we must all be determined that we won’t allow the past to rob us of our pleasure – either in the present or future.

We all have to learn how to soothe our own fears and anxieties – because no-one else can really do that for us, even though we might try to get them to!

You have two options. You can carry on bringing her into your mind and your relationship; or you can ‘lay her to rest’.

So please just bless her, and what they had together in the past (when you weren’t a part of his life), and then bless and enjoy there being just the two of you, and what you are creating together right now.

All the very best to you both and to your loving relationship – it sounds like you’ve got a lot to be thankful for!

Maxine Harley (MSc Psychotherapy) MIND HEALER & MENTOR

www.maxineharley.com - where you will find a page of FREE resources to help you to make peace with the past and create a brighter future.