Resolution or Absolution

22Jan

I had to admit that I am still affected with an event in my life that took place a few months ago. An event that brought that oddly stupid smile on my face, a few drops of tears and the rage of anger from within.

As much as I want to close it and leave it behind, it springs back right in front of my face. Perhaps, instead of forcing it in a box or locking it in my closet, I have to deal with it by accepting it, facing it.

Today is Sunday. I was a bit down last week. Physically and emotionally. I skipped gym last week and with some advice from dear friends somehow I tried grabbing some rest. Rest in a sense of sleep or no work at all.

I decided to go to mass this morning. I made sure that I catch the mass in this small monastery near our place. I always liked quiet places in the thought that perhaps I can hear myself… or God talking to me. (Well, I wish if ever I DO hear a voice talking to me, He IS God and the guy downstairs!) Hahaha! Too bad, it’s not the priest who gives good, sensible and practical homily that was the celebrant. Tried to focus and prayed.

I asked God to give me strength in the changes I’ll be implying in my life. I also asked that He bestow me more patience and understanding that I will not engage myself to rage and anger and do some actions that I will regret in the end. I don’t want to be involve in anything or anyone that I am not comfortable with. I asked him to bless these people who challenges my capabilities that they won’t experience the same pain that they are inflicting to others. And I wish them well.

Though my VBF will testify, I was about to breakdown a few hours ago. Until I’ve sorted myself again.

I am really quite unstable. That’s why I decided to stay away quite a bit first. I don’t want to be near “some” specific people. Like stupid one.

Sorry, Lord. I know, humans are created in Your image and likeness. Let’s just say God might have some glitch in creating those… ok, enough “s” word.

But honestly, my prayers for them and myself is sincere. Let them be happy too but I should be happy-ier of course! Let me have my own share of happiness and satisfaction in other forms.

Karma as we joked around these days is FEDEX (as in the cargo thing). Because it’s fast and delivers to you right in your doorstep the very next day or even earlier. But seriously, I believe in karma. That it’s the sum of a man’s actions in relation to his fate or destiny. The effect from cause, in all his actions.

I hope I really get over this. And I am trying to move on and deal with “it”.