Nayar - Marriage and Family

Marriage.
Marriage customs among the Nayars have evoked much discussion and
controversy in India among both jurists and social scientists. There was
considerable subregional variation as well as variation by subcaste and
family prestige. Details presented here refer to south Malabar and the
former Cochin State. There were two kinds of marriage:
talikettu kalyanam (tali
[necklet]-tying ceremony); and
sambandham
(the customary nuptials of a man and woman). The tali-tying ceremony
had to be held before puberty and often the ceremony was held for
several girls at the same time to save on expenses. Depending on the
group the tali could be tied by a member of a linked lineage (often two
Nayar Lineages that frequently intermarried were linked to one another
and called
enangar
lineages), by a member of a higher subcaste of Nayars, by one of the
matrilineal Ambilavasi (temple servant) castes, or by a member of a
royal lineage. By the mid-1950s, it became common for some girls to have
the tali tied by their mothers. It is still controversial as to whether
this ceremony was ever a formal marriage or if originally it was simply
an age-grade ceremony, since it often included a large number of girls
ranging in age from 6 months to 12 or 14 years. Women did observe formal
mourning practices for the men who tied their talis, and in some
instances—for example, if the girl was close to puberty—it
was possible that the Marriage might be consummated during this
ceremonial period. How often this occurred is unknown. By contrast,
sambandan involved a man having a "visiting husband"
relationship with a woman. While such relationships were considered to
be marriages by the woman's family, especially when they occurred
with males of higher subcastes or castes, the males tended to view the
relationships as concubinage. Traditionally Nayar women were allowed to
have more than one "visiting husband" either
simultaneously or serially.

Domestic Unit.
The size and composition of the domestic unit have varied over time.
Before partition was permitted it could consist of as many as 50 to 100
people. However, once partition was allowed, the size of units decreased
rapidly, so that by the late 1950s and 1960s the normal unit consisted
of one or more married women with their children, their mother (if
living), and possibly some adult male members of the matrilineage.
Traditional Nayar family organization provided one of the relatively
unique exceptions to the near universality of the nuclear family. The
"visiting husband" had very Little importance in his
wife's family and had no responsibility for any children he might
sire. His main responsibilities were for his sister's children.
The practice of polyandry also placed a limitation on relationships
between men and their own biological children. Today households are even
smaller, consisting often of only the nuclear unit, though a matrilineal
relative of the woman might often reside with a married couple.

Inheritance.
Traditional inheritance was in the matriline only. Any property a man
possessed went to his sisters and their children. As men took to modern,
Western professions and started accumulating personal wealth as opposed
to Family property, they began passing it on to their own biological
children. As a result, there are today slightly different laws
regulating inherited and acquired wealth. However, even today it is
customary for a man to put his self-acquired property in his
wife's name so that it can then be inherited Matrilineally.
Furthermore, a man feels greater responsibility for his sister's
children than for his brother's children. Even men living away
from Kerala in Delhi or New York are more likely to sponsor a
sister's son or daughter than a brother's.

Socialization.
Traditional socialization patterns involved a strong emphasis on the
use of shaming as a technique of Control. Traditionally, in all but the
poorest taravads, children (female as well as male) were expected to
learn to read and write Sanskrit written in the Malayalam alphabet, and
as soon as English education came to the region, boys started learning
English. Girls only started learning English later. Socialization
training strongly emphasized what people knew (i.e., keeping up
appearances) rather than superego (i.e., internalized conscience and
values).