I've mostly been sitting on my coil of rope again, as over here things were relatively well, compared to what some of the crew go through. However, this summer my mother stumbled over here rollator (if that's the English word too), had a TIA, and broke her right wrist - order of events can't be reconstructed. She's had therapy since, 10km cycling from here, staying there as well.

Good news: She's now home (5km cycling), before Christmas. Good news: The wrist is healed to the point where she can write legible again. Less good news: My mother can now only stand for short periods of time, and needs the rollator to get around the room. I get the impression, this time this is not expected to get much better.

All of this not to solicit pity; my mother's still sound of mind, and I expect she'll be able to remain living mostly independent for some time longer, except for care for some common things she's now unable to do. However, we're now heading for waters we're unfamiliar with. Are there things that other members of Jane's Rainbow's crew have unfortunately found out the hard way that we should try to do or avoid?

I had to call the paramedics again this morning ( 5 minutes and they were there, God bless our NHS staff) mum cannot stand and seems to be listing to starboard so even sitting is pretty much impossible. We think she may have had a mini stroke, however they are letting me keep her at home , avoiding the trauma of hospital if we can!

One day at a time is my mantra at the moment, enjoying the beautiful music on Classic FM , and praying we get through Christmas without any more worries.

Sending Christmas love and good wishes to all on board, that Christmas tree up the mast looks very festive.

Been hiding down below deck since we returned from the States, what a wonderful holiday we had, we are both refreshed and strengthened!

Mother has had two bad falls, one while we were away resulting in her mobility being compromised ,so needs to be supported when walking all the time. The second on Tuesday, she was left by the carer in front of the TV ( she hasn't shown any interest in TV for months!) and she found her on the floor when she returned to the room. Mum has a black eye and cuts to her cheek and eye socket as she fell on her glasses. She has been very agitated for the past two days due to the trauma.

I am not happy with the carer as both falls have been when she was on duty, she didn't follow the correct protocol and call careline to send paramedics in the case of a fall and is now very frosty with me as I complained to the care company.They have said they will replace her after Christmas but I am unhappy that we will have her in our home for the next week.

Never mind ,onward and upward, sending love to all the crew, and positive thoughts to all who need some extra strength.

Thank you for the music, Janie. Dean I had the same hesitation about "adult content" as Maeve an Janie, but after reading your response to their concerns I did continue to the site where I saw pretty purple crocus buds. Was that what I was supposed to see?

Okay, now I think I know what's up. The card is on Flickr, where I've been putting travel pics and stuff. Some browsers must notice that Flickr has no real limits on what they let people post. Rest assured that my link won't get you into any nasties. I tried to put the card on my website as an alternative, but Yahoo has changed the access to the website, and I can't get to it for anything. (And can't find any way to contact a human about that, grrrrrrr.)

Excuse my blank post! I meant to hit Home but hit Submit instead! Anyway, I'm still hanging around and enjoying the music. I'm anxiously awaiting Solstice and hoping more sunlight will give me more energy! I hope it perks up everyone else, too!

I've been reading but not posting. Sending good thoughts and thinking I need to head to the galley to put on a pot of tea and maybe bake a batch of (USA) biscuits to serve up with your choice of any combination of butter, molasses, honey, apple butter or a good blueberry jam. Have been wrapped up in my own non-potentially lethal trials and tribulations.

Self centered enough that I will probably continue to be a bit of a slacker for awhile in terms of posting my thoughts of encouragement and empathy. But fwiw, do know that whether I post or not, I check in nearly daily, and pull silently on an oar, or situate a chair around the stove in the galley.

Whatever you celebrate during this almost worldwide northern hemisphere season of festival to help sustain us as the hardest time of winter approaches, what we all share here, and what brought us to this particular virtural community is music. I'm a cultural christian and will always love the old songs and love when the old ways meet the new, and when cultures cross. Hope this brings a lift to hearts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syS9wU1Sr8A

Donuel, both you & Tim are in my thoughts at what must be a stressful time. I trust that Tim will be well cared for, leading to a successful outcome.

Sandra, the incident with the doctor was a fair few years ago when making a complaint was next to impossible. Nowadays, the NHS has procedures in place that make complaining about a doctor's improprieties far easier & quicker, plus one has the assurance that something will (usually!) be 'done'. With Love, Nigel xxxxx

"I needed to come home, but I still feel guilty." Tami, you most certainly DID need to come home...to rest, to be in your own space & gather your energy to support your Mother & Grandmother. Your Uncle has taken hold of the reins for the moment, so cast that guilt aside. We humans are not 'engineered' to carry the burden imposed by guilt. Guilt is the equivalent of an emotional terrorist...it will rob you of the very energy you need to care...it will make you miserable & it can make you ill. You didn't ask for it, you don't need it & you have done nothing deserving of it's insidious presence. I speak from personal experience. When my first, late Wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, a doctor blamed me for contributing to her condition because I hadn't been ".....an attentive enough husband". The guilt I felt crippled me mentally & physically...lasted for years & necessitated frequent psychiatric interventions. I'm sorry if this all sounds over-dramatic, but I know how hurtful & destructive guilt can be. Take good care on your extensive, caring, guilt-free travels, With Love, Nigel xxxxx

Certainly sounds like caring for tiny tim is full of challenges and frustrations, Donuel. Posted with a prayer Ranger 1 I would say that a 150 mile trip every week is quite a commitment. Please don't let unwarranted guilt get you. Blessings all. Pete.

This weekend we undertake a medical procedure on our 15 year old we call tiny Tim because he is. Nurses and the doctor will be on call for this procedure that our oldest son had at age 12 that took 8 days in the hospital. It cured him to this day but this procedure is no longer covered by insurance since it has been newly deemed by insurance companies as being observational and elective.

As for Tim he has had 3 major challenges in his life and they have all been political/religious related. At birth we had paid for the freezing his stem umbilical cells but it was canceled at the last minute because of a executive decision of the Catholic board members that very week. Second he was expelled from kindergarten because we could not prove his vaccine record due to the pediatric hard drive crash that took 45 days to reconstruct. And now this. If we could afford a Mercedes we could afford this procedure in the hospital out of pocket but we can't without pulling his brother out of college.

Still we are thankful Tim has not suffered sepsis or dangerous weight loss but has been out of school all this year. His misery is profound but he should have a complete recovery except for all the joie d'vivre he has missed for years.

This holiday may be the first he may be able to enjoy this decade. He hates hugs but at least soon they will not be painful.

The world needs a pill for all the people who do all they can in their circumstances, but feel guilty 'cause they can't cure everything. Guilty is a feeling that often doesn't want to behave reasonably.

My grandmother was having a bad day today, the day I had to come home. My mum is worn to a frazzle, and I felt so bad about leaving. My uncle has been spending more time helping mum, and he was there when I left, and that let mum get out for a bit. Just to do the shopping, but it was time to herself, which she desperately needed.

I called work and let them know I need three days off in a row so I can continue to make the 150 mile trip to my grandmother's once a week. They are flexible, and were happy I could come home and work my shift tomorrow.

At Last, something positive & uplifting. Ann has been battling for the last ten years with breast cancer & a malignant melanoma. Yesterday, we saw her breast oncologist & she's been given the all clear & discharged...can't tell you what a relief that was. The melanoma was removed some time ago, but the nature of the beast dictates that Ann will have to continue with three-monthly checkups for the foreseeable future. She is symptom-free, but with a melanoma, you can't turn your back for a second. Grief & cancer is a pretty toxic mix, but following her discharge yesterday, her mood is noticeably lighter. Every little helps...every one aboard The Rainbow helps too. What would we do without you? Much Love to You All, Nigel & Ann xxxxx

I've spent the morning entertaining Gramma with videos on my laptop. There is a video of a song by Slaid Cleaves' song "Below" that was of special interest to her. The song was written about the damming of the Dead River in Maine and subsequent flooding of a town called Flagstaff. My grandmother's family was from that area, and she lived in Flagstaff as a young child. The maker of the video used photos from the Dead River Historical Society. Gramma recognized a couple of people in the photos, one of them being a cousin.

We also watched a bunch of silly animated videos titled "What if animals were round?" and a video by a wildlife photographer about meerkats.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. It is fascinating that you mention 'working with her hands'. Ann has made greetings cards for years. You should see her work room...a veritable Aladdin's Cave that would set any Crafter's head spinning! She knits too...without these skills I can't imagine how her life would be. The card making & knitting provides a valuable distraction, but more akin to a sticking plaster in the grand scheme of things. We have a wonderful GP who is gently & compassionately 'on the case'. I found bereavement counselling extremely helpful & was fortunate to be allowed an extension to the number of sessions usually granted (Eight sessions would be an average entitlement under the NHS). I shall be spending increasing amounts of time searching for a: ".... mosquito to faithfully annoy us into opening up safely". Much Love to our Friends Maeve, ChanteyLass & Tami, Nigel & Ann xxxxx

I have no words for you, Nigel, just a great big long distance hug for you and Anne.

Sitting here in the kitchen at my grandmother's. My cousin and I bumped up the interview to today. I think it went well, she didn't want to be filmed, so we just did audio recording. By the second question, she's forgotten we were recording, and she told us at the end that she's had fun doing it and that we had brought up several memories for her that she had forgotten about. Sean took the recording home with him and will edit and/or clean up if necessary. We're thinking about submitting it to Storycorps if it came out well.

All of Maeve's suggestions sound reasonable and worth pursuing. The one about working with hands reminded me of Rhode Island's Ann Hood's book Comfort which recounts the sudden unexpected death of her daughter Grace. Learning to knit helped bring her out of the depths of her grief. Of course she also had the support of a good husband, a son who was a few years older than Grace, wonderful friends who stayed with her through her sorrow, and counseling.

Nigel, I am so sorry for your and Ann's pain, yet am equally confident your already strong hearts will each heal grow in compassion and forgiveness. Death ends what we know of a person, yet our love carries on.

Ann may need a different form of counseling. She may need a different leader or group. She may need counseling based on behavioral changes. She may need something to do with her hands- something to allow her to just Be without words until she can afford to verbally process her feelings-clay, paint, needlework, something to pummel- whatever her body can use for expression, for our bodies often know what is needed before our minds can fathom what has happened.

We each have to find our way through grief in our own timing and manner, but sometimes we need guidance in finding additional help. Sometimes we need a mosquito to faithfully annoy us into opening up safely.

You too, as her faithful support and companion who is also hurting, may benefit from the right continued outside guidance as well as seeking your music and writing. :)

I last posted on 26th November. I am deeply grateful to all of you who continue to post...to offer comfort & support...to raise a smile...to simply make yourself available...to keep Jane's Rainbow ship-shape. I have been doing what I can to support my Dearest Ann. Her grief remains raw. Her heart is broken. Bereavement counselling has proved ineffective. I listen to her most nights as she talks in her sleep, saying what probably needs to be expressed out loud; something she finds impossible to do. I fear she may carry her grief & pain for the rest of her days. All I have to offer is my constancy. With Love to You All, Nigel xxxxx