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Oh! boo-f***ing-hoo!

Conservatives really get me going. Not in a good way; oh no no no no no: they put me in rant gear, which is my least rational mode! (apart from, possibly, Daydreamland)

I’ve recently found out from Queerty.com that a group of concerned mothers (aka OneMillionMoms.com or OMM) has posted a complaint against the new Armani|Exchange campaign (seen on the A|X site here), saying that it promotes homosexuality.

At first, I was going to say that they were being inconsistent by not condemning other, obviously explicit ads (read: Beckham underwear) and furiously attacking those that show homosexual couples. However, I went to their site and found out that they actually do oppose sexualised advertisement (they even remind us of their success story with CK in their A|X manifesto). In my defence, it did seem like Phil Cosby from the National Coalition for the Protection of Children accepted the fact that sex was used as a marketing strategy. Backlash avoided, I must say I agree (to some extent) with what OMM are saying.

I believe that sexualised marketing ends up exposing children to sex at a very young age, where they are not yet ready to process such stimulus. I know kids are smarter than we tend to believe, but some things are simply better when introduced slowly: that is, start with how relationships work, including various types of relationships (open, monogamous, homosexual, heterosexual), continuing to the birds and the bees and as they get older add the facts of life. I’m not a caretaker, I can state that this works, but that’s the way I feel could be done (or at least considered).

However, I’m still led to ask: why this ad? It feels like they were holding back with the other ads, thinking “it’s the way of the world; we’ll be able to raise little Johnny decently, even with it.” Why is homosexuality the last straw?

I feel like walking up to each one of the millions mothers and slapping them across the face to see if they wake up!

Your kids are growing up in an age/era where homosexuality is flourishing. The Gay Best Friend is any girl’s most coveted accessory (I don’t approve of this, but it’s sadly true… for now) and boys are realising that “fags” really aren’t trying to get in their pants. Not all lesbians are butch and not all gay men are camp: we are embedded in society as doctors, lawyers, accountants (yes, even in accountancy) and we are becoming increasingly braver when voicing our concerns (just as you, OMM, are). Your child will have to deal with it and if their reaction is negative, things could get messy.

You know what? You should be thanking us homosexuals! While you pace the room wondering how to talk to your 15 year-old daughter about periods, we are telling her the craziest stories of our love/lust lives while giving then condoms and advising them to “wait for the right guy, ‘cause you don’t want to sell yourself short, honey.”, not to mention how to tell the creeps apart from the good guys! We are stopping you from becoming the next Sarah Palin! Forget thanking: you should be worshipping us!

Not only that, we are helping you NOT overpopulate the planet. We can’t naturally reproduce so the most commonly chosen path is adoption. We are helping redistribute the world population, one “gaydopted” child at a time. Furthermore, gay male couples have double the male spending power (statistically, men still earn more than women, sad but true) and with typically no children to spend it on (Conservative activism makes it hard for us to adopt!) we spend it on everything else. We inject money into the economy and help keep the cash flowing (as was satirically shown in a Funny or Die video).

And you know what else? Lesbians (but not just) are major activists for gender equality. That’s right: “dykes” are fighting for your rights as women!

You want to save marriage from the monster that is gay marriage? How about you try and fight marriage’s first big enemy divorce? People seem to be taking divorce far too lightly (and tabloids don’t help with their incessant covering of drama-filled celebrity divorces). Try educating your children on marriage and how it is a serious commitment that requires sacrifice and will have fights and disagreements. Try telling them divorce shouldn’t be seen as an easy way out of complications and then talk to me about how committed gay couples as destroying your “holy” institution (you still want City Hall’s paper, though!).

We could spend decades discussing this, going back and forth, writing books on it, etc., but there’s only so much I’m willing to write (and my wisdom teeth are annoying me now) so I shall leave it at that. And to all OMM members who are actually pro-homo (the very few of you), I apologise for criticising your organisation.

On another story, John McCain’s wife and daughter joined the NOH8 Campaign. This might be a gayglittery glimmer of hope coming from the Republican Party.
To see their pictures go here.