Friday, October 30, 2009

Link Haze, 10/30/09.

• PANTYFISH.• Candy corn cones.• "Death" and "Death II" by the Chapman brothers (via).• This is where the next interesting item would go, if only I wasn't boring-bludgeoned by every goddamn thing I saw this week. See you Monday, fuckfaces.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Jumpstart.org.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Floating (Congressional Committee) Head.

(click image) Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee—and my Congressman—Charles Rangel gets the street art floating headvertising treatment on The Bowery near Houston. After 38 years in office, he certainly has learned of many ways to supplement his means.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Ad Creep Update—Flies.

I wonder how many hands this thing mangled?

(click ad, from 1950) And how the fuck did it work? I guess it shook the shit out of your hand, which you then applied to your body? And where's the, I'm assuming, even scarier STIM•U•LAX Senior? From Oster! Dig the wavy type on STIM (image via). Previously in probably deadly products from the 1950s: the Homko remote-controlled Mow-bot. Previously in: 1950s ads.

Here's something I have hardly anything bad to say about.

(click image) It's an efficient idea for advertising fuel efficiency. To promote the new Volkswagen Golf BlueMotion, DDB in Berlin stamped the map portion of 5,000 Euro banknotes of various denominations with matching route lengths showing how far you could go for your money. The notes were put into circulation at German VW dealers and service shops. Yes, it is an example of Ad Creep, which I usually deride. But this defacing of banknotes isn't so evil. And it's informative (image via). Previously in VW ads: Classic. Sexist. Terrible. And zany (the Peter Stormare GTI spots).

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Kosovo.

Boxer Chokes Chicken.

(click ad) Ad is for Hundforum dog care in Stockholm. "What's your dog up to when it's home alone?" Well, Paco (that's his name) is surfing puppy porn on an ancient Macintosh, that's what. Ain't no way boy's gonna get quality streaming doggystyle videos on that thing. The wadded up TP is overkill, just the roll would have been fine, thanks (image via). Previously in dog product advertising: Cool. Funny. Evil. Macabre.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Breast Fest Film Festival.

New Mexico's Children, Youth and Families Dept. renames state "Jurkistan."

(click ads) Ha? New Mexico apparently has a high rate of domestic violence. "It's the way men are here," reads the copy (you have to read the copy to fully take this campaign in) But these print ads—created by a two-person agency in Minneapolis—for the CYFD of New Mexico, are pretty damn bizarre. And insulting! Both to New Mexicans and to all countries that end in -stan. Yes, they're riffing off the barbaric treatment of women in many Muslim countries. But, don't let the Jurks win? YIKES! Tonally off a bit, maybe? The phone number is the real one for the organization, so I'm assuming the ads are legit (images via and via, thanks to John for the tip). Previous stops on the Domestic Violence Awareness Ad Tour: China. China again. Berlin. Lisbon. Lisbon again. The UK. Rhode Island. And New York City.

Monday, October 26, 2009

(click ad) Previously, Y&R Buenos Aires used boning skeletons to scare-sell Tulipan brand condoms. Headline here: "Keep taking care." So, let me take the stupid step of trying to decipher this visual literally. These two young men are engaged in a three-way with a woman who has the sniffles, or maybe something worse? So, in addition to Tulipan rubbers on their peckers, they're using her bra as a mask. This really limits the sexual position possibilities. Also, no oral for the poor female. OR: one (or both) of the dudes is a cross-dresser, and they're giving each other handjobs (image via). To view some of the many prophylactic ads I've diagnosed with the same professionalism over the last 4+ years, click here and here.

(click ad) Wow! I had to look twice, I really thought that was a vampire for a second! Amazingly, the headline is somehow even lazier than the visual. They've lowered themselves down to BudBad with this awful anthropomorphism (Agency: Arc Worldwide, image via). Previous bad Miller ads.

The Trib: Guardian of Gotham.

(click ads) Like every major metropolitan newspaper, the now bankrupt Chicago Tribune has reduced staff drastically over the last few years. But they're going down punching wildly, at least judging by these self-promotional ads by Toronto (?) ad agency Juniper Park tagged "Covering the stories you need to know." While the art direction is attractive, the headlines are clunky and weak and—particularly the Batman-riffing one—come off as gratingly pompous. Especially considering that they're for The Trib, not exactly, reputation-wise, America's juggernaut of print journalism (images via). Previously in newspaper/magazine self-promo ads/stunts: The Economist. The Economistagain. The Guardian. Business Week. FHMIndia. FHMGermany. And the New York Times.

Jesus gangsta, haven't the Mets had a tough enough year?

Meet 18-year-old Jamal Blair of The Bronx. Mets fan. And (alleged) granny slayer. Next time son, put on your Ecko hoodie or something for the perp walk. Previously in the Mets: nine innings of this team deserves something a lot stronger than Bud Light. Previously in: the Yankees.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Amelia Earhart chain-smoked her way across the North Atlantic.

(click ad) In honor of tomorrow's opening of Amelia (Hilary Swank?), here's a retro sponsorship coup for Lucky Strike which commemorated the 1928 "Friendship" flight (on which, she was merely a passenger). Four years later of course, she became the first woman to fly solo non-stop across the Atlantic. The money testimonial quote (probably fake): "They were smoked continuously from Trepassey to Wales. I think nothing else helped lessen the strain for all of us." No Klonopin around then (image via). Previous retro Lucky Strike ads.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Spore toys.

(NSFW) Apparently In Slovenia, all billboards have boobs.

(click image) Last month, it was huge soapy boobs promoting a graphic arts biennial in the capital city of Ljubljana. Here, some subtle tit-fucking imagery is used to help sell some brand of sausage, translation not need, I think (image via). Previously in Phallic MeatVertising: Hillshire Farms. Arby's introduces new melon burger. And, Dickman's Meat of Tucson, Arizona.Related: the Human Dickwad.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Hey Symantec, did you approve this ad by Leo Burnett Milan?

(click ad) Previous stops on the worldwide scam ad tour include: BBDO Chile's PS3 ads; this HP India Hitler ad; JWT Cairo's burning babies; JWT Singapore's sexist beer ads; an ad agency men's room in Copenhagen; and the NYC Museum of Sex. And now, this creepy Italian ad for Norton Internet Security 2010. Creepy, not because of the creeps creeping through the girl's "window" (what a terribly heavy-handed visual metaphor), but because of the creepy-looking Stepford daughter and her creepy room (why is that top framed?). Anyway, the reason I'm 99% sure this is a scam ad is because of the minuscule Symantec logo (image via).

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

NSFW! Is this the most insane TV spot ever produced?

It's via Russia, specifically the city of Novokuznetsk, for some company named Vikam, a seller of work clothes and boots, I think? Just watch it, and give me your artistic interpretations in the comments, Fellinis. Look for the completely naked blonde with the baby harp seal coming out of her chest (via).Previously: Here's a What The FUCK? ad roundup.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: anti-ageism billboards.

Monday, October 19, 2009

If she bats her lashes at you, she'll smother you.

(click ads) Cousin Itt lashes. Jesus, these are trippy. At least Leo Burnett in Warsaw, Poland didn't go with the usual approach of a close-up photo of a pretty celeb spokesmodel's peepers. And the campaign, for Max Factor's Masterpiece Max mascara, just won a "Golden Drum" from some ad awards show in Slovenia. Which means absolutely nothing to me. Anyway, what do you think, ladies: are they more appealing than this pink girlie Covergirl mascara ad via Argentina (images via)?

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: UK anti-cocaine spots.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Link Haze, 10/17/09.

• Read this.• Chachi is a douchebag.• 100 posters for Green Iran.• Shit or condom, your choice.• David Duchovny said "pooper."• Dr Zizmor's voice not as smooth as his face.• The shirt was up before the balloon was down.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Big tobacco company urges Indonesians to be their daring black-body alter egos.

Well, this takes the Vogue black face controversy to a different level. Maybe there's something, culturally, that I'm missing here? Anyway, Sampoerna, Indonesia's largest tobacco company (97.95%-owned by Philip Morris parent Altria), wanted—like all tobacco companies—to attract younger smokers. This :90 spot, by ad agency Bates 141, is the result. The spot is tagged "Go Ahead" with the "A" being the recognizable logo for the company's most popular clove cigarettes. From Bates 141's YouTube page description:"...todays young adult Indonesians, our targets, want to be the actors of their life and stay true to their self. They are doers who dont want to be in the same position as the older generation. They aspire to have a different narration and fight to achieve their ambition and dreams they are a generation of starters who take action while others are waiting. They are todays modern heroes the action generation. Brand A is the pioneering, daring spirit of progressive Indonesia. And thats why Brand A is by their side as they Go Ahead."You'll note that the better halves are slimmer and happier and crazier and, well, very very black. Like a lifelong smoker's lungs? Just imagine the outrage in the US or the UK. And hey, wait a minute! Back in 1930, Lucky Strike presented smokers' black doppelgängers as evil fatties (via). Previously: anti-tobacco ad round-up.

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Buygone ad—Drano.

(click ad) "We can't promise you a date with any of these exciting beauties..." but, Filipino horndogs, you're welcome to pinch all the ass you can reach! These (fake) flight attendants from this 1960s ad certainly ran the gamut from native to American, cute to come-hither (American Airlines had the best MILF stewardesses). These days, you have to fly Korean Air to find a flight attendant ready to drop to her knees. (image via)

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: Stop animal testing.

Because that's the one thing beefy bratwurst-snarfing buffoons need to score tail: more protein.

(click ad) It'll give you football biceps! Then, you'll be able to get into her hot box. Talk about your tall tale of an ad. They skipped a few steps in that headline claim, maybe? Though, considering the idiotic target audience, the ad will probably move product. Scanned from a recent ESPN magazine. Related: my business meeting with the great LT (true story).

Friday, October 09, 2009

copyranter on ANIMAL NY: KFC Krushers.

Your Retro Racist Ad Of The Week.

(click ad and read all the copy)Ad from around 1940 (judging by the William Shirer reference at the bottom) for 97% caffeine-free Sanka. That's quite the beezness transaction story, right Lou Dobbs (via)?Previously in: Retro Racist Ad Of The Week: Barbie. Budweiser.

Thursday night is Ladies Pokies Night.

(click ad) And non-waxed brunettes (willing to provide proof) drink for free! I guess a club could represent her asshole? Starkly crude poster ad from the Land Down Under for the Adelaide Casino's ladies poker night. Be careful: one of these twoladies is bluffing! (via) Previously in: VaginaVertising. Related: Nads® pubic hair design kits.