Thursday, February 10, 2011

No word of a lie, but this pic came up when I googled "Islander Girls". Even the slutty ice cleaners get dissed on Long Island

(Ed's note - this post was written by HF10, who is having computer / Fuck Blogger issues)

Look, I don't care who pays for it - the Islanders and their fifth string goalie, the cheapshot Bruins, Scott Gomez, that comatose fucktard Chocula, Pierre Gauthier, Pierre Maguire, I DON'T FUCKING CARE. But someone, somewhere, needs to answer for this team. Talk all you want about not backing down, or fighting back, or scoring six goals, or whatever. Tell me "once PK, Price, Eller, Leblanc, Tinordi and Pacioretty have experience ..." it'll be Cups galore.

No, it won't. Not with Jacques Martin's "system", unless one of the forward prospects morphs into a game changing superstar whose offensive talents can simply overwhelm the "system". Because otherwise, your lot in life as a Habs fan until Chocula is gone is watching the Ottawa Senators circa 2004 but minus Jason Spezza, Dany Heatley and Daniel Alfredsson. An entire team of Mike Fishers/Chris Kellys/Tomas Plekanecs/Tom Pyatts/Peter Schaefers/lobotomized Andrei Kostitsyns. Solid? Sure. Playoff bound? Yep. Gonna get run out of the second round every year unless the goaltending is otherworldly? Guaranteed.

Fuck that.

I've seen that show most years since 1993 and it sucks. To top it off, when this team gets out of Chocula's comfort zone like last night, it doesn't have the muscle, offensive or defensive talent to win anything resembling a slugfest or shootout. Great news in an Eastern Conference full of young, stacked teams full of scorers and head crackers. Can't wait for Dustin Byfuglien, Bryan Little, Zach Bogosian and Ondrei Pavelec to be 2.5 hours down the road from the Bell Centre wearing fleur de lys jerseys.

Don't even get me started on Scott Gomez today. 29 already covered it in the TMS. I can't believe I agree with Jack Todd at the moment, but so help me, I do.

The details: Game time at 7:30 at the Centre Bell. Isles coming off loss the the Leafs that featured their fifth string goalie. Habs have been fairly good lately, but last night's mess could leave them broken and tired tonight.

Who's hot: Isles speedster Michael Grabner has 8 goals in his past 11. Wunderkind John Tavares is leading the Isles in scoring, has 4 points in 4 but is still a -22. Is Captain Gio hot? He seems to be the only one scoring at a regular clip. Max Pac is also looking good. Hmm, both of them have been playing with Plekanec, not Gomez. Hot tip of the hat to Benny Pouliot, who dropped David Krejci last night. Man, if he ever puts everything together, look out. Hey, anyone else want to give Gomez's wingers to David Desharnais and see what happens? I sure as hell do.

Who's not: Look, I could tell you I don't want to pile on Scott Gomez, but that wouldn't be true. He takes stupid penalties, he looks disinterested, and all the little good things people say he does get lost in the big numbers that sit beside his name. I'm quite certain Scott Gomez has value as an NHL player, but right now, to my eye, he looks like a huge liability more often than not. The defence looked awful last night, and Price alternated between sublime and - what? Tired? Fed up? Bad Carey? Dunno. For New York, well, if they aren't hurt, they're terrible. So they've got that going for them.

Who's hurt: Markov. Cammy. Gorges. Is Tommy Pyatt alright after getting cheapshotted a dozen times by whiny sucky baby Greg Campbell, who is going to hide behind his Daddy and escape all punishment? Is Jaro 2.0 going to be more dazed after taking 20 uncontested shots to the noggin? Islanders can't field a competitive team when healthy, so losing (deep breath) Marc Streit, Doug Weight, Mike Mottau, Trent Hunter, Mark Eaton, Blake Comeau, rookies Rhett Rhakshani and Jeremy Colliton and goalies Rick DiPietro, Kevin Poulin and Nathan Lawson does not help.

Who?: Fun fact - the Isles traded for former Ranger bust Al Montoya (picked 6th overall in 2004) to shore up their goalie depth since the NY crease is becoming some sort of Spinal Tap drummer's chair. Montoya was THE BACKUP for Phoenix's AHL team. Ladies and gentlemen, your New York Islanders!!!!

Who's watching: Despite the wisecracks and the half-empty rink, the Isles still have some hardcore fanatics, including the folks at Lighthouse Hockey.

Who's that: Why, it's the stripper at one of Montreal's finest establishments after the game, that's who.

61 comments:

That rant would be a perfect power point presentation for Mr Molsen at the next board meeting. In this shit trap cycle screen and block league any team can easily make the playoffs, and Montreal can do that for the next 20 years and still turn a profit. BUT FUCK THAT MR MOLSEN!!

Mike Fisher to the Preds for a 1st rounder.... Now Ottawa has no redeeming qualities AND WE SAT ON OUR ASS. I would have killed to get Fisher in the bleu blanc et rouge. Fuck Gomez, Fuck the Bs and Fuck the laffs (just cause)

I love games against the Isles! Long Island Iced Tea and fishsticks are my traditional 'game day meal'.

I tuned in expecting to watch the Habs last night and there was a rerun of the 1970's Bruins Goon Squad on. Fuck that shit.Somebody get Gomez and Tits some Who-Hash quick. Maybe it'll help their hearts grow a size or two before gametime.

This is following the earlier post- don't blame the defensemen, blame the system. They've all been taught to pressure and be pylons, rather than fluidly backup with coverage. Once it goes wide open, the system sucks. But hey, a couple of missed shots made and we would've won. And I loved the team spirit, even if its in the box (actually, especially if its in the box. I used to love those days when I was a teenager). Time to unload on the Islanders.

@10 - Awesome post and I agree - put it in a powerpoint and send it to Geoff Molson with a note entitled 10 reasons why that useless fuck Martin must go now and not after we lose in the 2nd round. Pukefunnel is a loads of bollocks as we say over here.Everyone is taking this right out of proportion. Lets see how the boys respond tonight and then we'll talk.

For the love of God, what's Melnick smoking today? I usually enjoy listening to him. It was one fucking game. We're missing 3 key players. In spite of that, the game could have gone either way last night. Some people really need to chill.

OK. mcsplooge. Enough already. We know you have pedotendencies. We all have Lolita moments. Just not on national TV. Just now, you splooged over Beauchemin's World Jr. career. How long ago was that? You have polaroids (google it kidz)? We get it. You think burke is 'magical'. We know you are bucking (monster!) for a GM spot. You have a problem and it isn't just buffing your bald bulb. You are psyck pee-air. Always, always regressing to NHLers 'junior' days. Too fucking weird. As Pierre Trudeau said, we don't care what you do in your bedroom. Just keep your jizz fantasies to yourself and your fleshlight and brian burke off course.

Hey 29, I'm off to Brutopia in a bit. If you here glass breaking, cop sirens and women shrieking outside think Orange.

Let's be honest, the English media (esp TSN) has been waiting for something like this to jump on since the beginning of the season. They were pissed the Habs made it so far despite their predictions for a 12th place finish last year. Somehow their near identical records and the fact that the Habs have owned them for the last 2 seasons have disappeared and suddenly it's a crisis.

As entertaining as it was for most of last night, that's not standard hockey. Maybe Montreal can't keep up with that style, but last time I checked you win by scoring more goals and they're pretty good at doing that. As much as TSN wants us to believe, winning a fight in the last minute of a hockey game against a non-fighter while using a piece of equipment in mid-February doesn't win Stanley Cups. Where was all the hysteria about the Bs being unable to keep up with the Habs as we won the first three meetings? No, these guys prefer to see goons beating on scorers even if that has very little to do with the outcome.

And that's my 4th treatise on the subject. Now to go out and watch the Isle game. Woo...hoo?

Holy shit moe, just read that pukefunnel. MY EYES! Hyberbole much? Start of a tailspin? I just imagine the guys at the desk watching the Spacek fight on a loop and jerking each other off. Like I said, these morons have been waiting for any sort of crack to pounce on this team.

"The Canadiens were pummelled in the brawls and on the scoresheet Wednesday night"

Yes, 'pummelled' by 2 goals. sigh.

"Bruins flexed their muscles to pull off their first win in four meetings with Montreal this season.

That had many fans and commentators suggesting (the Habs) are...too small and not tough enough to beat bigger, physical teams like Boston..."

So this is the first time out of 4 games the Bs won, yet MTL is 'unable' to beat them. Logic is such a drag.

"One of Campbell's elbow pads slipped down so it appeared he was punching Pyatt with the pad, which likely was one reason the Montreal winger emerged with a black eye and a seven-stitch cut on his face.

Reports on Thursday said that the NHL disciplinarian, Campbell's father Colin, did not see any cause for any fines or suspensions."

Ok guys, I may have OCD over this issue. Just watched TSN's top 10 Habs/Bruins moments. Let's see, we have the Bs 1991 playoff win, Ribero's 'injury', the slash on Kovalev that lead to a goal, the cheap elbow to Zednik's face in 2003 and then there's 4 random fights (the one the Habs actually one had the ending cut off). Oh, and 1979. Because apparently in MTL's century old domination of the Bs that is the only time they actually had the upperhand.

About Four Habs Fans

The Four(-ish) Habs Fans are four(-ish) Habs fans. Three are from Montreal, though one of those is now stuck in the middle of the Red Mile. The other somehow grew up a Habs fan in the middle of Ontario Cottage Country, and now lives in Hogtown. Some of them are lawyers, so they are opinionated, and may or may not be assholes.

HabsFan29 is a lifelong Montrealer who decided the Four Habs Fans' email exchanges about the Habs were just too stupidly amusing and occasionally intelligent not to share with the world. The 29 is for the greatest (only?) Goalie-lawyer-PM candidate ever. He would like his mom to know that his meth habit is overstated on this blog for comedic effect.

HabsFan4 paid tribute to one of the finest gentlemen to ever don a Canadiens sweater. His legacy as one of the pioneers of the Gangsta Rap movement has always been understated. His Jaro posts will be recalled fondly by all.

HabsFanForever33 aka Panger is a Montrealer in Exile currently residing mere blocks from the Red Mile, yet whose passion for all things Canadiens has only embiggened with distance. HFF33 worships at the altar of St. Patrick. Panger still gets chills recalling the moment he met the greatest goal-scorer of all time, The Rocket. HFF33 is a life-long Habs fan, except during the Houle-Tremblay Era, when Le Club de Hockey Canadiens was dead to Panger.

HabsFan10 grew up watching Le Demon Blond on Radio-Canada with his unilingual English Dad in a WASPy little town in Maple Leafs country, at least until the playoffs each year, when he got to hear Danny Gallivan and Dick Irvin because the Leafs played on opposite nights (if they made the playoffs at all). Rick Middleton and Cam Neely sometimes haunt his dreams. He thinks Thurso, Quebec should be declared a national historical site. If you aren't sure what the 10 in HF10 stands for, you're on the wrong site, buster.

All mind-bogglingly warped Photoshop work courtesy the warped mind of GoldenGirl11 a.k.a. LukeyNussbaum11. All stripperrific vision expressed by contributors through Photoshop are solely those of the individual writer and do not reflect the opinions of GG11, a card carrying feminist, although she's sure that they are the opinions of her four sons even if they don't care to admit it.

moeman born in l'Estie'd'Québec, was baptized Maurice because well his Mom, seeing his beautiful dark locks and glaring eyes knew he'd need a namesake, actually it was his Mon Oncle Yvon that CHristened his Habstism, deep in central Ontario no less. He took life's circuitous route and blessed his own son with the name Patrick in 1993. He also has a gorgeous daughter but she's a Sens fan, so, meh. moeman loves women, wine, song, women, Habs, his kids, women, iOS Apps, hockey blogging women and women. His other passion, he hates the leaf. He also loves women.