NFL Picks, Week 17: Las Vegas doesn’t know what to do about the Raiders, either (but I’m still not picking them)

I’ve been waiting for the Vegas sports books to put up a line–any line!–for the Raiders’ humongous season finale vs. the Chargers on Sunday… and waiting… and waiting…

And nothing, as of Thursday afternoon. Yep, finally the casinos are just as confused by my favorite Silver & Black team (by and Norv’s team, too) as we’ve been all year–and Dennis Allen has been–and they’re just throwing up their hands.

Terrelle Pryor? Matt Leinart? Who knows and who’d be stupid enough to wager anything on any game with those befuddling choices…

But we’re not wagering–we’re doing our NFL Picks, and to maintain consistency, I’ll make up my own line for this. REPEAT: This is a point-spread I’ve made up myself, just so we can all pick the game–it’s Raiders +5.5.

Note: Do NOT go to your casino asking for that line! Or if you do and they give it to you, tell them they owe me a royalty.

1. BACH (last week 3-0, overall 27-18-3)/

–Picks TBA.
* SAN DIEGO -5.5, over Raiders. Bach comment: I haven’t taken Oakland most if the season. Finishing up in San Diego with QB issues is no reason to change.

* ARIZONA +16.5, over 49ers. Bach comment: No Justin, no Mario, possibly no Vernon. I expect 49ers to win but 16.5 a tall order.

* SEATTLE -11.5, over St. Louis. Bach comment: Have you seen Seattle’s last 3 games? 11 points seems more than doable.

2. PURDY (last week 3-0, overall 27-20-1)/

–Picks TBA.

* SAN DIEGO -5.5, over Raiders. Purdy comment: Really, it’s an historic event. Norv Turner will be coaching his last game before he gets fired against a team that already fired him. How many times in NFL history has that ever happened?

* ARIZONA +16.5, over 49ers. Purdy comment: The Niners will win but this is one beat-up team and that is too many points to give.

* CHICAGO -3, over Detroit. Purdy comment: Bears are one of the few teams on the board with something to play for… and at Ford Field, a lot of the Lions will have their cards (most of them not Fords) running in the parking lot during the game, waiting for the season to be done.

3. RYAN (last week 1-2, overall 24-23-1)/

* SAN DIEGO -5.5, over Raiders. Ryan comment: There is apparently some confusion in Vegas over whether Matt Leinart or Terrelle Pryor will start and what to do with the line as a result. So the Chargers are either going to win big or win bigger.

* ARIZONA +16.5, over 49ers. Ryan comment: I hold out hope that the Cardinals have some semblance of professionalism and can make this an entertaining game. If they can just find a quarterback who can throw it in the general area of Fitzgerald ….

* NEW ENGLAND -10, over Miami. Ryan comment: The Patriots are upset that they didn’t beat Jacksonville by enough, and they’re going to make full use of all 60 minutes of this playoff dress rehearsal.

4. KAWAKAMI (last week 2-1, overall 21-26-1)/

* SAN DIEGO -5.5, over Raiders. My comment: Terrelle Pryor/Matt Leinart vs. the squalid Chargers. Yikes! Meaningless even amid meaninglessness. And nobody does meaningless better than Norv and the Norv-ettes, in maybe Norv’s final game in his 100-year Chargers’ head-coaching tenure.

Even with a made-up line, I can’t go with the Raiders here. The two-headed Pry-nart might get the Raiders a TD, but that’s about it and, of course… Norv rules! Something like San Diego 20-10.

* 49ERS -16.5, over Arizona. My comment: Sometimes you think to yourself–how big a number would I need before I considered picking the terrible, woeful, QB-challenged, bad, bad road underdog?

Well, since I’m fairly certain Arizona will end up with 0 or something very close, I’d have to say I’d need at least +20 to begin to think about picking the Cardinals. Maybe not even then. And the spread is less than 20, so I will stride over to the 49ers’ side quite comfortably.

I think Colin Kaepernick will have a field day, I think Aldon Smith will have a field day even without Justin Smith beside him, I think everybody in a 49ers uniform, possibly including the cheerleaders, will have a field day romping over the Dreadful Arizonans on Sunday, something like 27-0.

So the 49ers will win the NFC West. Will they get the No. 2 seed and the accompanying bye? That’s up to the Green Bay-Minnesota game, which will be playing simultaneously.

* DETROIT +3, over Chicago. My comment: This seems like a classic Lions-roar game–their season is done, they’re at home, getting points, and the Lions are very good at symbolic gestures (but not too good at winning actual games that matter towards their own playoff survival).

Chicago needs a win and help to make the playoffs–I think they might get the help, but it won’t matter, because the reeling Bears might not have enough to survive this game. I like Detroit outright.

5. POOLE (last week NO PICKS auto 0-2-1, overall 12-27-8)/

-Picks TBA.

—–My extra stuff...

I’ll make Detroit +3 my 5-star play. Last week I hit my 7-star play with Carolina. Overall, I’m -3 stars on the season.