I am pleased to see this article highlighting the fact that men are also victims of family violence from their female partners.Same sex couples also can become violent relationships.

Violence is violence and particularly violence against a supposed loved one can never be acceptable.

I wish you well in raising the awareness of this issue. I am a woman, a grandmother in a mariage where my husband and I are yet to have our first arguement, but I was a child witness to my stepmother's shocking abuse towards my father, my siblings and myself. My husband had seen his father beat up on his mother. So we have worked hard to ensure that we negotiate differences.

We raised our kids to be respectful etc, yet our son was in a relationship with a violent woman who used to taunt him that he 'wasn't game enough to hit her back'. She gets frustrated when he tells her 'that will never happen'. He is very aware that violence is not the answer and although a very strong and blokey Murri man, but that did not seem to stop his ex from hitting, scratching and throwing things at him.

I know of another man who took his own life to escape the ongoing violence from his 'beloved wife'. He was a good warm caring man, who was not game to share his secret with anyone. (although it was obvious to some of his close friends)

It is madness to continue to ignore or pretend that women and children are the only ones who can be victims of violence from their family members.

We need to stop violence within the family and support those who suffer from it, regardless of gender

Posted by Aka, Friday, 27 November 2009 10:49:03 AM

My Experience working with an agency dealing with alcohol abuse is that there is a strong correlation between alcohol and violence, and that there are as many violent female alcoholics as there are violent male alcoholics. It seems that there are as many men subjected domestic violence as there are women.

There is a weird statistic associated with alcohol and abuse. Nine out of ten women with alcoholic/abusive partners stay in the relationship. Nine out of ten men with alcoholic/abusive partners leave. For men there is no way to go except out.

The problem for male victims of domestic violence is that there is absolutely no support.If a male victim tries to talk about it they are laughed at. What happens if a big male trucky tells his work mates that his with beat him up last night? It happens, and it happens often.

There is no support from any agencies, no emergency support, nothing.If he tries to talk about it he is laughed at.If he fights back he is a wife beater.If he leaves he goes before the family court system, loses his children and gets stripped of his assets.And he is the lowest of the low for walking out on his wife and family.

No fault divorce? A joke. If a judge just once asked a man why he left and the judge heard 'Because my wife gets drunk and beats me up' we might get somewhere. With nine out of ten women staying and nine out of ten men leaving it would seem that men subjected to domestic violence is a major contributor to the divorce rate.

So what can be done? Nothing can be done until male victims of domestic violence break the code of silence surrounding the subject. The choice for male victims of domestic violence is to speak up and be laughed at and be treated like freaks, or suffer in silence. The urban myth that men are always the perpetrators of domestic violence and women the victims has got to change or we go nowhere

Posted by Daviy, Friday, 27 November 2009 11:04:11 AM

Wouldn't violence come from a mismatch in the relationship to begin with. I have never seen it between man and woman. I should imagine it is caused by differences in personalities.During the vietnam days there was always fights going on between the members of a same task forces. We were always told it was caused by personality clashes.

Posted by Desmond, Friday, 27 November 2009 11:13:28 AM

My 19 year old son Joshua hooked up with 17 year old Jessica 8 weeks ago. She moved in within 2 days. He is not allowed to see, call or text friends.

Last Thursday she claimed to be pregnant – 2 days after ovulation – if indeed she was having the period she claimed on 28th October. He cant understand how she managed it.

Within an hour of meeting her we had tagged her as a user and abuser due to her behaviour, her rubbishing him and striking him in front of us and his clear fear of her.

We found out also on Thursday she: Would not allow him to sleep past 10am – after night shift. She permits an allowance for 1/2 tank petrol and food and takes the remainder of his wages, She beats him regularly and also his dog. She tells him everything wrong in her life is his fault. Demands expensive presents rather than paying debts then claims the presents are not good enough. She breaks furniture and household items in her rages and destroys the jewellery her buys her. She tells him he’s useless, worthless, f’n stupid. He states “Mum, I'm trying so hard, I just cant make her happy – and I am miserable”

She beat him with the broom, gouged him and kneed him in his chest deformity causing excruciating pain. He flexed his knees knocking her stomach as he did so then ran from the house, returned to get his beaten dog. She called the police.

Yesterday, she met him to “talk”. By 8pm he: Is going back to her, Can’t talk to us,Wants and planned for this child, States his family doesn’t care about him,Demands we support her. He has no concept of our fears for him but states that people change, she has apologised and he states - “things just might be OK from here on in. – she understands now” I just got the results of the blood tests - Pregnancy Confirmed.

He's afraid to defend himself, walk away, breathe without permission. He WILL NOT listen! Now what?

Posted by Keryn, Friday, 27 November 2009 11:58:03 AM

Greg Andresen has alerted us to a very grave problem that no one wants to admit to or address least of all men. I am against all sorts of Family violence whether by male or female but as Bettina Arndt said "no gender has a monopoly on vice". As a very young child I watched my auntie in Scotland throw cutlery at my uncle. Thankfully he ducked and escaped injury my own father was not so lucky at times. I never saw my dad hit my mum but I saw my mum hit my dad at least once. So hard once she drew blood with her fingernails. Sadly I also know someone else on the other side of the family but more distantly related who put his wife in hospital.

The sad fact of the matter that reputable studies show that family violence is approximately 50/50. My experience working with both men and women over many decades in non profit work is that these studies are telling the truth. If we are to solve the problem of domestic violence in families we must get to the root causes. Generally you will find that people who engage in domestic violence are affected by drugs ,alcohol and pornography.

To begin to solve the problem of domestic violence we must accept the facts and not accept anti male ideology mixed with urban myth. We must also deal with the underlying root causes of domestic violence. The fact that our civilisation is enamoured with ultra violence in both movies, video games and on the internet must also be taken into account. The popularity of the Saw movie franchise is deeply disturbing.

Domestic violence is not just a male problem but a problem that faces both men and women. Thank you Greg Andresen for exposing us to the truth because only the truth will set us free. Family violence is wrong whether carried out by either men or women. We must do all we can to eradicate this problem. Demonising men is not the answer

Posted by Warwick Marsh, Friday, 27 November 2009 12:17:53 PM

Lets explode some myths.

1, In my experience many men, have been talking about it, including myself, for decades. Only a few months ago, one of the femanazi's suggested i was making it up, when i disclosed that all 3 of my relationships had involved DV by her, on myself and children. The radical, extremist, red, green, loony, left, lesbian, femanazi, paedophiles have infiltrated all areas of bureaucracy, politics & the mass media from where, they have been actively covering female violence up.

2, it is in fact natural for women to be more violent than men. I can assure you i did not enjoy watching my beautiful (kindergarten aged) daughter inflicting extensive DV on her older brother. Children at birth are usually intelligent, observant & soak up everything around them. She was simply mimicking the behaviour of her mother towards me. My son who was also neglected & abused by the stupid, fat, ignorant, lazy, thing that dares to call itself their mother, while i was at work, was also bullied every day at school, as a direct result.

3, Women who are violent, sociophsycopaths always take out a fake DVO on their victims. They are the perfect weapon of control & domination, they are in fact the severest form of DV any perpetrator can inflict on their victim. In other words 90% of all DVO's are the wrong way around.

4, Based on every man i have discussed relationships with, 90% of them were being abused by their female partners & had never responded with unequal force, usually less force.

5, Through men's groups i have come across many cases like those quoted in the article, where hard evidence & credible, independent witnesses were offered to corrupt social workers, police, etc, who refused to investigate or prosecute the female offenders. Women will never achieve equality with men until there are more of them in jail.