In the case that our ornery Senator from Texas actually wants a friend in Washington, we suggest he follow Truman's advice. Herewith, some of the finest DC puppies -- available to adopt right now. If these guys don't get Ted to stop acting like a dick, nothing will.

Shadow here is said to "bond quickly with his caregivers", and is playful and curious. The best part? Unlike his potential future master, Shadow has had no house training accidents! Well, not yet, anyway.

Rex is an American classic, a Redbone Coonhound with just a little Bloodhound thrown in for good measure. He loves long walks, and with that great hunting pedigree will no doubt be a boon on those NRA strategy, err, hunting trips!

Bri is a loving pitbull who's just a little misunderstood sometimes. You know what that's like, right Mr. Senator? And don't worry, that's a harness, not bondage gear. She's never going to try to make you look bad by loving another lady!

Ah, Tipper. Why do you look so worried? Is it for the safety of our children, just like your namesake was? Perhaps this would be a good place to start reaching across party lines, even if in name only, and look for a little love.