Emotional Abuse

Pilates is about the whole body not just physical strength. To be well we need to be strong in body, mind and spirit. My own experience with emotional abuse and an emotionally abusive husband robbed me of my health for a period. Normally a very healthy person, I caught ever bug that came by the studio! Our immune systems can not function well when we are stressed, anxious, and not sleeping. It is impossible to feel strong and have a good spirit when we are being methodically broken by an abuser.

Through sharing my story of emotional abuse, I have heard many of your stories. It is shocking and sad that so many experience this destructive behavior from a loved one. I have also realized it’s a topic, we tend to not talk about. We feel shame. We don’t have bruises to support our abuse so we hide it fearing no one will believe us.

I’ve added this page to my website because it’s an important topic. One we should talk about. One we should be sharing the warning signs for and warn each other about. A topic we should support each other through. I don’t know that emotional abuse can be eradicated… sociopaths/psychopaths exist… but we can learn the signs and stop the abuse from occurring or put an end to it at the first indications. That is my hope.

The following is an article that brought all that I was experiencing, had been reading about, and was hearing from a therapist together. Sometimes we need to get the same message in multiple places if it’s one we are devastated to receive. My abuser nailed all six of these and I could no longer deny it or make excuses for him.

Below is an article from Psychology Today about Gaslighting – if you have experienced gaslighting this article will resonate with you. It can be hard to explain or understand or even realize it is happening until you take a step back and really examine the circumstances.

It was recommended I read the book The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout. I am glad I did! The first few chapters were a bit slow for me but by the fourth chapter I was fascinated. Key take-aways: Beware the person that uses flattery to entice you to do what he wants. (A compliment and flattery are not the same thing. Flattery is usually not genuine but manipulative) Also take note of the person who seeks pity from you early on – it’s a way to disarm you. Follow the rule of three – after 3 lies walk away. This book was eye-opening as it is hard to comprehend a life with no conscious, no empathy, no shame, and no ability to feel love but Dr. Stout illustrated these quite well. And the good news – the sociopath doesn’t win in the end. He leads a very unfulfilled life of boredom, lack of stimulation, and starting over and over.

Check back on this page for more information about emotional abuse, as I will be adding resources and articles I have found to be helpful. Feel free to share your story as well.