I was going to write a side-splitting spoof news report, but now I find I can’t be bothered. Life is too short, the effort/benefit ratio too high. And would it have been worth it, after all?

Have to fly next week. Sodding bollocks. They’re really going to ratchet up the misery this time. I’m going to turn up at the airport with just my underpants and a book. They’ll probably confiscate the book, the cretins, but they won’t get my pants without a struggle.