You know what I mean? Like the struggle to just exist in a state of calm and predictable flow? Maybe it’s the way I’m wired or the podcasts I’ve been listening to every day on the way to work, but the baseline is a grind.

I find myself clawing for fringe activities to shake things up. I get an impulse of excitement and plan midnight bike rides to break the mold. I go on runs at 2pm in 105 degree heat to turn up the volume on my body and drown out the volume of my mind.

And this isn’t me boasting. I realize it’s absolutely absurd and I’ve tried to embrace the happy medium before.

I’ve tried to sustain routine workouts and a well-tailored process at the job. I try to sit still on the weekends and just enjoy a movie. It’s so much more than a fear to commit. I’m the kind of person who runs for two weeks, decides to tackle an unofficial half-marathon and then loses interest upon completion.

The cheap phrase is that I’m polar. And maybe you are too.

Maybe you’re polar by habit. Perhaps you’ve a desire to explore what’s possible here and there, and over there. Maybe a constant state of contentment feels numbing or stale. Maybe you don’t want to work like a part of an assembly line. Maybe you flat out hate routine. Maybe predictability is terrifying.

But it’s chaotic isn’t it? Voluntarily pursuing a state of flux to enable a state of flow.

“In the midst of chaos, there is also great opportunity,” or so says Sun Tzu. There’s an opportunity to test the threshold of your personal willpower, depth and creativity. This chaos trains an agile mind to zig and zag. It forces you to show up whether you’re ready or not.

And call me crazy, but I’m drawn to people who succeed despite their odds. I expect professional athletes to complete their endeavors. They’ve been trained to. They’ve maintained meticulous programs specifically engineered to maximize their mental and physical output. But the oddball who gets off the couch and competes has a special place in my heart.

I believe it’s something in their character to find a way when it’s anything but obvious.

For what it’s worth, I say keep dancing on the edge. Keep finding personal experiments to push your limits.