TIME AND TRIGGERS

TIME AND TRIGGERS

I have always known that it takes time to heal from trauma, death and basically any major disruption to normal life as we know it. Recent events have shown me why we need time to heal. The other night my brother and sister-in-law were witnesses to a 4 car crash involving a mother and baby amongst others.

They were on their way to our parent’s place for a family dinner and right before their eyes they turned a corner and there was the mash-up of vehicles, people falling out of cars and a baby crying. It was traumatic to say the least. They went into rescue mode, called emergency services and tended to the victims. Fortunately there were no serious or life threatening injuries.

For my brother, it was important for him to see the driver who had caused it. Not to berate him for what he had done, but to support him and let him know that accidents do happen and no-one intentionally goes out to cause this type of outcome.

They came home to mum and dad’s quite shaken. It had certainly triggered some memories from our own high impact crash back in Christmas of 1989. In all the years my brother had never really talked about what happened and this night just triggered images and memories that needed to be processed. It is a blessing in disguise because it is the trigger that was needed to start the conversation. We spent some time talking and even for me, I discovered more facts about that day that I had never heard before.

What I have realised from all of this, is that time is needed to allow the triggers to happen. The events or moments that penetrate the deeply pushed memories and guilt so that they can finally come up and be dealt with. The amount of time needed is unique for us all.

This was not the first accident my brother had seen over the years but this time it came closer to home than ever before or maybe this time he was ready to face it all. It allowed him to redeem a moment of guilt where back in 1989, my sister and brother spent 20 minutes watching the driver at fault dying painfully without them being able to help. This time, he was able to help and ensure that the driver at fault was also supported. That for him was a release he had not realised he had been holding on to all these years.

When I went home that night, I was emotional and thoughts were running through my head. Eventually I wrote them down and out came this poem…