Blunts, Jobs and Guns

When we hear the soothing, romantic Pop songs of British
singer James “You’re Beautiful” Blunt, a one-man Air Supply for the new
millennium, we feel all kinds of things: rage, cynicism, shame, the
vomit making its way up our throats. Turns out we should all be
feeling the same kind of swelling pride and gratitude we feel when we
hear Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A.” because, according to
Blunt, he helped stave off the start of World War III.

A British army
soldier who fought in Kosovo in the late ’90s, the scrawny singer says
he led troops to an airfield they were supposed to seize, only to be
met by 200 Russian soldiers pointing guns at them. Blunt says he refused
orders, not because he’s the huge pussy his music suggests but because
he felt it was morally wrong and would start a major conflict with
Russia. He avoided punishment because a general said he didn’t want his
troops to “be responsible for starting World War III.”

James Blunt is:
a) a true warrior and hero; b) on more drugs than Amy Winehouse; or c)
on a PR campaign to “macho up” his wimpy image, which makes Josh Groban
look like a member of Slipknot in comparison.

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15, the Internet was full of speculation about a
“cryptic” message on the Apple site that simply said, “Tomorrow is just
another day. That you’ll never forget.” Everyone’s assumption was
exactly the same: After stubbornly refusing for years, The Beatles’
music will finally be allowed on iTunes. And, indeed, fans could hit
iTunes the next morning and purchase all of the band’s albums.

The
holdout was reportedly due to many factors, including a lawsuit filed
on the band’s behalf over the computer company’s name (fearing people
would confuse the tech heavyweights with The Beatles’ Apple Corps Ltd.
umbrella business banner). But it sure seemed to be about how many more
millions of dollars the move would generate, with The Beatles’ camp
reportedly concerned about illegal file-sharing and the low price of
tracks (Beatles cuts are $1.29 each, 30 cents more than the usual
iTunes download).

Apple did what they could to increase the buzz to
“iPad unveiling” levels, making it out to be a historic event — as if
we’ll all remember where we were when we first heard we could buy
“Revolution 9” on a computer like 98 percent of the rest of the music
in the world. But, after waiting so long for the band’s reps to enter
the 21st century, the response seemed more like a collective, “Meh.”

[COLD]

Guns Reloading?

With the ridiculous amount of time Axl Rose spent making Guns ’N Roses’ big “comeback” album, Chinese Democracy, it’s hard not to laugh when reports surface that The Boy Who Cried Imminent Legendary Rock Album has begun writing Democracy’s
follow-up. The band’s 1,429th guitarist, DJ Ashba, reportedly told a
reporter things are moving on the record and “it won’t take as long.”
And then he was fired and replaced by a 12-year-old Guitar Herovideo-game master.

The good news: Despite the last album’s relative
failure (and suckiness), Axl seems motivated and perhaps still has an
amazing album in him somewhere. The bad news: We’ll all be dead by the
time it’s released.