"Wonder of wonders! Nothing can compare to Islam's influence. According to news from senior Iranian elements, Castro, the leader of the Cuban revolution, has been invited to accept the religion of Islam. In my opinion, he is one of the best choices for converting people to Islam; indeed, Castro meets the necessary conditions for conversion to Islam for the following reasons:

"First: For years, Castro has not shaved his beard, while many of our brother Hizbullah members who deviated [from the righteous path] shaved their beards after a while. For example, we can point out Saeed Hajjarian, [3] [Ataollah] Mohajerani, [4] and Abbas Abdi. [5]

"Second: For years, Castro has repeated a single mantra, and is not willing to accept that the world has changed. Thus, he is eminently suitable for us.

"Third: In light of the fact that Cuba's main source of income is its prostitutes, Castro can direct and guide these acts of licentiousness after he converts to Islam. He will be able to establish the 'houses of modesty' [brothels established by permission of the Iranian regime] extensively in Cuba.

"Fourth: In light of the fact that Castro has for years prevented freedom of speech in Cuba, it seems that his beliefs have been similar to those of [Iran's] religious conservatives for quite a while. For this reason, everything fits.

"Fifth: In light of the fact that for years Castro has worn an army uniform, it is now clear that he is a born jihad fighter for Allah, and is one of our brothers the Basij.

"Sixth: In light of the fact that Castro has for some time had Parkinson's disease, and apparently will soon be ill with Alzheimer's, he himself can serve as Cuba's Marja' Taqlid ['authority for emulation' for Shi'ites].