Cameron on severe E comedown

DAVID Cameron is in floods of tears today after having taken Ecstasy with Boris Johnson at the Olympics closing ceremony.

Get daily Mash headlines:

'Am I talking shit? Stop me if I'm talking shit.'

The prime minister and Johnson were seen dancing vigorously to the Spice Girls’ segment of Sunday night’s festivities. Cameron has since confessed the pair shared a ‘White Callie’ Ecstasy tablet that London’s mayor had kept in his fridge since the 90s.

Cameron said: “Boris was like come on, it’s the Olympics, a once in a lifetime event, we’ve got to get on one.

“At first I refused on the basis that I had to run the country the next day, but then the lights and smoke evoked memories of my raving years and I thought, this would be an incredible place to get pilled up.

“For ages I didn’t think it was doing anything, then I got that familiar nauseous feeling that one gets when coming up on a strong gurner. Ten minutes later, I was gone.

“My body was the music, and the music was my body.”

Cameron was later overhead telling Johnson he could take over as prime minister whenever he wanted, saying, “It’s just a job, it’s not important. Love is what’s important.”

However a Downing Street source claimed that Cameron is now suffering severe effects of post-Ecstasy serotonin depletion: “He’s in bed with all the curtains drawn, watching kids’ TV, crying and eating bananas.

“I mentioned something about a cabinet meeting, he did this weird face like a wounded animal and disappeared under the duvet.”