Neutrinos caught breaking the speed of light are set to receive 6 points on their licence and will be forced to attend a mandatory speed safety course with other reckless sub-atomic particles.

Neutrinos sent through the ground from Cern toward the Gran Sasso laboratory 732km away in Italy went through a speed-trap at slightly over the speed of light, automatically triggering the penalty points and a fine.

A spokesperson for Cern told us, “We’re pretty sure there’s been a mistake, we’ve never seen Neutrinos go this fast before.”

“We’ve asked to review the footage, and to have the speed trap calibrated by an independent expert.”

“We’re not trying ot wriggle out of anything, we just want to make sure they’re guilty of what they’ve been accused of. I can assure you we take speeding past light itself very seriously indeed.”

Speed of light broken

A spokesperson for the Italian authorities told us, “We’re more disappointed than anything. You might expect this from electrons with their highly charged nature – but neutrinos? They always seemed so well behaved.”

“But they will be treated like any other misbehaving sub-atomic particles. Just because they come from Cern doesn’t mean they’ll get any special treatment.”