“No offense, sir, but that hasn’t been the average American family since 1953. By the way, what is half a child?”

“Oh, we count Spanky the cat as one-half.”

“Well, that won’t count in Obamacare.”

“On the contrary, you should read the special mandatory veterinary medical care waiver clause. People can opt in, which we have.”

“I’ll note that. Question No. 1: Is Obamacare very, somewhat, or not at all important to you and your family?”

“Oh, very important. We were able to hire my wife as our HCFO — health care finance officer. And all three of our children plan to go into Obamacare careers.”

“Oh, medical school?”

“No, accounting courses at the community college.”

“Great. Moving right along, what is your occupation?”

“Unemployed.”

“And the circumstances?”

“Well, that’s a long story. Here, have a cup of coffee and I’ll tell it to you. I was once employed as a shipping foreman, but then I started reading the Obamacare legislation, just so I would know what was in it. I started falling behind at the office because there were so many pages. But it’s addictive. I couldn’t put the damn thing down.”

“So you were fired for reading the Obamacare bill?”

“No. I got so far behind on shipments that I had to lift many of the boxes in the shipping department myself. I strained my back, and now I’m on disability.”

“That’s awful. What was in the boxes.”

“Printed copies of the Obamacare bill.”

“How has the disability changed your life?”

“Well, I smoke this pipe a lot more — partly because we’re an average 1950s family and partly because the state legalized pot last year. I’ve also put on a little weight and my blood pressure is up from thinking about Obamacare all the time. Did you know that everyone in our family is required to take birth control pills now? Even me and the boys and Spanky?”

“I don’t think . . . ”

“It’s true. If we didn’t, we would be missing out on that part of the benefits.”

“But . . . ”

“Most Americans haven’t read the bill, but I have. Did you know that the stress from this interview can be counted as a pre-existing condition when I apply to the health care provider of my choice?”

“Interesting. Do you have any fallback plans for your career?”

“Well, I did earn my medical degree before I went into the shipping business. But there wasn’t enough money in it before, and I’m not at all sure it will be any better under Obamacare.”

“So, you were a doctor?”

“Well, I was actually using my law degree, which I also hold, until the mess in the medical world settled down. But I had social problems, because of the undesirable elements I was forced to associate with.”

“Oh, you were a criminal lawyer?”

“No. I objected to having to talk to other lawyers. Especially when Obamacare came along. It would give me migraines.”

“Backing up, you said your wife was the family’s HCFO. How do you pay her?”

“That’s the true beauty of Obamacare. There is a section of the bill that requires the federal government to pay for administration of Obamacare if no other option is available. We’re just following the law.”

“Wow, there’s a lot in that legislation that I did not know about. Do you happen to have a copy I can read?”