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ME!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Last night I decided to invite my family to a Super Moon viewing party. I wanted to have us all go out to the desert to the Little Black Mt. petroglyph site and watch the moon rise over the red mesa. I was so pleased when they agreed to give it a try. We met out there and took a little walk as we waited for the sky to darken looking at the petroglyphs and listening to the wind singing through the massive boulders above us. I had miscalculated the time and so we had a while to wait. That is when it began. T my grand who thinks that every thing in the world has to have an electrical plug began his usual commentary. This is so borrrrrring. He was not having it and didn't want us to have it either. I told him to come for a walk with me and of course..Why? Where we going? I just told him he had to come if he wanted to find out and turned and walked off. Didn't take him long to wonder if he just might miss something. Off we went. Walking down the dusty road just talking. Then I asked him if he knew how to skip? No he did not. We began to work on it and he tried a couple of times and just gave up. " I can't do it." Yes you can try more. " No, I can't do it." On we went. He picked up some rocks and threw them looked at some bushes and trails and then decided to go back. He still was not getting the rhythm of skipping. " See Granny, I told you I can't do it." Back to the truck we went to wait. Not long after came the wail again...This is so boring. So. Off I went again with 4 kids following along.(They thought they missed something last walk.) Not to far along I said let's skip and off we went all skipping and T doing a fabulous job.( See T you can do it.. ) By this time It was getting dark and we could see hints of the moon coming up. We got everyone in the back of a pickup and standing around it so we could here the music that my son in law had brought for the occasion. Of course all songs about the moon rising. I walked away for a short distance and looked back and could not see individual faces but could see many silhouettes poking out and highlighted by the dusky sky behind them. Beautiful. I could hear them talking and laughing. I did not hear little T make his wail again as we watched the moon, the space station that flew directly over us and was very spectacular to see, and just feel the isolation of the desert. Yes, sometimes we find things that we think are boring but if we can take a moment to look at it through someone else's eyes it may be the moment we learn to skip, or laugh, or marvel at the skies, or just marvel at family.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

I am so upset with myself..... I went to urgent care today with a killer sore throat, sinus, gunky cough. I have not felt good and been dragging along for some time BUT decided I had enough and was going to see what to do to get over this. I have a horrible sinus infection, bacterial sore throat, and the cough???? The Dr. kept listening and asking me questions. Yes, I was diagnosed with asthma a few years ago and It had improved so much with my weight loss and getting off the narcotic meds. Yes, I have been coughing more I told him. Yes, it has been productive.(yuck) Yes, I have been tired and noticed wheezing. Especially when exercising and exerting my self. He then began looking on charts and pulled out a little meter to measure how hard I can blow out. He had me do it and looked at the meter and said try again. After three tries he said you are not moving air very well. You are only about half the movement that a "woman YOUR age" should be doing. He gave me a big shot, put me on antibiotics and prednisone for a few days, and told me to use my rescue inhaler more than I usually do and to see my personal Dr. in a couple of weeks when things settle down to discuss options to get that air moving better. I came out of there so upset. I don't want this.....I don't deserve this.....On and on I went. Came home and called my husband bawling and complaining that I was so frustrated. He told me that it was not the end of the world that it can be fixed. He was with two of my son's and I soon got a call from one of them saying.....settle down....You know you have had this issue for a while and look at all you have done. You walk, hike, exercise, work, and keep going even when you don't feel good. He said think what you can do if you can get more air????? I looked at the glass half empty instead of a glass half full. That is why I am so upset with myself. Where is my fighting attitude? I have fought through some of the hardest things life can give to me. Why did I let this get me so down? I need to focus on feeling better, educating myself about the options and (my favorite all time quote from finding Nemo) KEEP ON SWIMMING.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Many of you who know me personally(I feel like you all do) know that I have been with my family on vacation for a couple of weeks. I had something happen that was not pleasant but was also a blessing in so many ways. One day we went to a small cove to play in the ocean. We had 4 cars and parked them all in a line on a very busy highway across from a large fruit stand with many vendors and buyers coming and going. I gathered up all my belongings but tucked my small personal backpack under the back seat. I have never left my purse or pack in the car my whole life and I had my arms full and it was just one more thing that I really did not want sandy and dirty. Upon returning to the car(you guessed it) the window was smashed the door handle ripped off and my bag gone. Packing for the trip I had lightened my load and left most of my stuff at home. I did have my drivers licence and one credit card. As I proceeded to cry and crumple my husband jumped on his phone calling the card company. One son was on the phone with the police. One son on the phone with the DMV. One son comforting me and his two small boys who were terrified about what had happened. They had everything locked up within moments of the discovery. When the dust had settled I also realized that my son in law had taken his family back to the house we rented and had left, searching garbage cans and dumpsters for ten miles looking for my bag. The one thing that made me so sad is I was carrying quite a lot of cash that I had earned selling my little concrete turtles. I had planned on using it for the little extra special things I wanted to do with the whole family. That upset me the most. I then began looking at the blessings I have. All of us had been leaving our wallets, phones, etc in our cars or having me carry then in my bag. I did not have anyones things that day. I was the only one who had a duplicate card(my husbands) with the info we needed to cancel it at hand. If anyone else had been robbed then it would have been a disaster to cancel and put stops on all of their items. The thief had been able to charge gas on it shortly after taking it but I hope they got a big surprise the next time they tried to use it. We now know better than to leave those things in the car. I have many family members who love me and take care of me even when I am so upset I can't think to do it myself. None of us were injured. It is just stuff. I had a passport at home and had some great people back home who got it from my home, got it shipped, and I was able to get back on the plane with no problems. The rental car company just gave us a replacement car without a big of concern. There are fraud alerts on all my information and I have been able to get replacements for everything I need. We were able to spend some time talking with the little grands and letting them understand how it feels when someone takes something that is not theirs and that granny was not hurt and able to fix everything. They seemed to settle down. We were able to go on and have a great vacation. We were able to do all the fun things we had planned and it was just a bump in our trip and not a sink hole.