My HOCD started when I was roughly 15 years old. I am now 19. It was triggered by a girl in by school calling me gay for no reason, even though I had dated many girls. What made the thoughts worse was the fact that, between the ages of 8-11, I experimented with a few guys(just kissing). I thought to myself, "did I enjoy that?" "would I like it now?" I have always been visually attracted and sexually attracted to girls, but the HOCD has made me so confused that I do not know anymore. I want to keep "fighting the thoughts" and be able to live a normal life, but sometimes they are too much to handle. I know that I would never want nor be happy in a homosexual relationship, but the thoughts just keep popping up. Everytime I see a girl, I get anxious and constantly check to see if I am getting hard. Everytime I see a guy, I get anxious and constantly check to see if I am not getting hard. These thoughts were sort of in remission for about 2 years, but now they are back and worse than ever. I see a therapist regularly and am working towards lessening the thoughts and being able to live.

Does anyone have any experiences they would like to share, or any help?