Letting Go

I don’t want this anymore. The wheel is turned down. Hope is gone. I know I can’t do this anymore. Any pretending. Any lies. I can’t do anything. I feel like worthless crap that you flush down the toilet. I can’t do a thing, except being a bum.

I guess everyone is right. I am a bum. A moocher. A sick, abnormal person. My worthlessness is unbearable, incomparable, and unchangeable. Nothing can stop me while I’m alive. I can’t change.

I guess everyone is right. I should stop this fighting. You know that feeling inside you, that inner you that keeps on fighting despite of everything being against it? Well, I’m stopping it, because I can’t do it anymore. I can’t help myself anymore. I want to let it all go, losing myself. I want to let go these constrained emotions. I don’t want this.

I want to break free. I want to let out everything. I want to scream. I want to roam around the streets, not worried of everything. I just want to go out. I can’t bear this. I want to break free of my sanity, to stop holding back and to embrace who I am–crazy. How much more do I have to suffer? I am driving to the road of despair, while everyone is pushing my car towards it. They make me like this.

I can’t take it anymore. I am not normal. I tried on asking for help but they offered me to just be sane. I can’t do this anymore. My world is shaking. I have no steady future, because I am not alive anymore. I am breathing, but I am not living.

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Published by: nuthin2say

This is the blog of a person who has been won, defeated, won again.. Because life is just like that.
Jamie, aka nuthin2say, is a pseudonym. She can be found in other places in the internet, using the online name jhamiefloatie. Her thoughts spewed words that created this blog. This contained her frustrations and victories towards her journey through life. This blog was born circa 2008. Most of the posts are from her teenage years.
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