Erica,
My Beloved is fortunately the one who spanks me, but even within our ttwd relationship, we have had what I call implosions….. where I get really upset because my spanking needs aren’t being met even after long discussions and thinking we were back on the same page. It’s really embarrassing for me to want, expect, and explain the spanking and when my husband has fumbled on the delivery for whatever reason, I feel stupid for even asking and vulnerable when I have been left hanging…….. we always work it out, but those are my feelings. And then I am less trustful in this area for a while. I cannot imagine having to try to find someone to trust to meet my spanking needs outside of our marriage. I don’t know how you have done it and I am sorry that you have been hurt …….. I would be hurt, too. Just know that whatever happened isn’t YOUR fault……. the other person couldn’t step up or wouldn’t……. I think you know where Erica is……. she’s in there somewhere. I hope you find her soon. Hang in there! Windy

I think you are great. I’ll be here, waiting for you. I have faith you can do this, this too.

Your book is really good too. I see incidents in it that are to home. That is a real comfort. Of course I’m on the other side of them, but they are just as real on my side, and fun to see from your side.

I’ve been meaning to try and email you for a while, Erica. I want to say #RUOK? But it’s kinda clear you’re struggling. I hope your life balances itself out again soon, but in the meantime we love you anyway.

Once again I find myself wishing that we weren’t on opposite sides of the Earth Erica, because this is another of those moments that make me want to try to reach out and offer you a hand. In this case to take a dive into the abyss you mention, and have a search for the lovely lady whose mere writing in this blog, has managed to touch me. I might emerge from that abyss again alone, carrying only a torch, but I’d like to believe that perhaps there’d be a slim chance that I’d emerge with the lost lady in tow…
I think there are more people than me, dear Erica, who would be willing to have a stab at shining a light into your abyss, in the hope that one of them might become the light at the end of the tunnel you’re going through at the moment.
I hope you’ll find the part of you that’s gone missing soon. All the best.

Yes, I’ve seen her. She is a good friend of mine, who makes herself vulnerable and open, is kind-hearted and thoughtful, and writes about her weaknesses because she is incredibly honest about herself. I am so thankful to know you and have you in my life.

If there what not this big pond, I would right now go out and find her! Instead, now, I am sending so e positive energy. Will keep doing so three times a day, untill she makes appeaarnce again,.
She can’t be missed by too many people, including myself, to have her stay in the dark.
And,m most importantly, she deserves being in the light.

Tasha, my darling — I appreciate your kind words. You never needed any sort of example from me; you are one of the bravest souls I know.

Rox — thank you. At the moment, I don’t know where I belong.

Rob — thank you.

Windy — you’re very sweet. Our kink dynamics are very different; as you are a DD practitioner, it stands to reason that your husband, your life mate, would be your disciplinarian. Spanking is a very different thing to me, complex and difficult to explain, and one of the strangest parts is that I prefer having play partners outside of my primary relationship. It certainly makes things more challenging; always has. When it works, it’s wonderful. When it doesn’t… it really sucks.

Mark — glad my book is still out there resonating with people.

Bob — that party is in two weeks. I will canceling that reservation.

Terri — definitely not OK. But appreciate the caring; thank you.

Owen — thank you.

Dorota — I dunno. Weariness is soul-deep and has been with me as long as I can remember. I used to know how to rise above it, but that skill seems to escape me now.

There’s nothing more miserable than protracted misery I am glad John is there, and some other help you can hold on to right now. Maybe I should have some good chicken soup delivered. But you definitely have my love.