The Foulmouthed Chef

I love to cook, write and laugh. The idea to incorporate these things came out of a conversation with my ex-boyfriend when he insisted one of my chicken dishes had to have a name. This is how the Foulmouthed Chef was born. The object of this blog is to provide you with great recipes; my favorite tips, tricks and ingredients; and suggestions for preparation and kitchen tools. I hope that the names of these recipes and their stories make you smile and laugh. Laughter is good for digestion.

Topping:Use either 8 oz of homemade caramel sauce or 8 oz of store-brought caramel sauce, warmed or find your favorite 8oz. bag of caramel/chocolate candies and chop them up to go with the caramel topping (w/nuts if preferred).

To make the crust: In a bowl, combine cookie crumbs, flour, and sugar, and stir in butter till blended completely. Press crust over bottom of buttered spring form pan and 1/4 of way up sides. Bake for 15 minutes, then set pan aside to cool.

To make the filling: Melt butterscotch chips in glass bowl, with heavy cream, in 30-second increments in the microwave, stirring until smooth. Beat brown sugar and cream cheese in a large bowl and beat till smooth (make sure not to over mix). Add eggs one at a time, stirring for 20 seconds after each addition. Then add sour cream, flour, and vanilla extract, beating only till incorporated. Add butterscotch mixture, beating on low speed till blended.

Wrap aluminum foil around bottom and sides of spring form pan, until watertight, before putting cheesecake mixture in. Pour mixture into spring form pan evenly, smoothing the top. Bake cake in water bath (I use an aluminum roasting pan fit for a large turkey, that can be bought from any supermarket) for 1 hour.

Remove cheesecake from water bath. Turn oven off and leave cake in for another hour with oven door closed. Then remove cake from oven and place on rack to cool to room temperature. Cover cake with foil and refrigerate for 4 hours or overnight.

When ready to serve: Drizzle half the caramel sauce over cheesecake. Then sprinkle chopped caramel/chocolate candies over the caramel sauce. Then drizzle the rest of the caramel sauce over the cake. Transfer cake to serving plate and serve. Enjoy!

THE STORY BEHIND THE RECIPEThis recipe came from my dear friend Kathy DeCristoforo. She embarked on a quest for the perfect cheesecake recipes in preparation for her younger sister’s wedding. Her cheesecakes were so well received that by the time I made my way to the desserts, the only cheesecake left was the butterscotch. Now, I’m not a butterscotch fan. My life experience says that only senior citizens seem to have affection for this flavor. So I tried it and YUMMY is the only way to describe it. Silky smooth, not too heavy or dense. It’s really one of the best cheesecakes I’ve ever eaten.

So I guess this type of cheesecake is the exception to the butterscotch rule just as my thin as a rail brother-in-law’s golfing hobby is the exception to my belief that golf is a fat boy’s game.

CHEF’S NOTESCheesecake baking is truly is an art, so be sure to read and follow the preparation instructions exactly. You will not regret the extra effort one single bite!

DIETER’S INFORMATIONCome on, it’s cheesecake. Not an everyday food. Full of fat and sugar. Make this for a party/dinner/event so you don’t have a whole cake to tempt you for a week.

PREPARATIONHeat the olive oil and sauté the onion over medium-high heat, stirring frequently until the onions become golden brown at the edges. Add the garlic, reduce heat to medium and continue stirring for five minutes. Add the vinegar and simmer for five minutes. Add the red wine, honey and cranberries and simmer until the liquid is mostly absorbed (about 15 minutes). Set aside to cool slightly while you prepare the pork.

Preheat oven to 325°. Butterfly the pork loin as if you are opening a book flat. Use the smooth end of a meat hammer to flatten the loin until it is 1” thick. Salt and pepper the fat side and flip over so that the unseasoned side is up. Spread cranberry mixture all over the unseasoned side. Roll the loin from the long end and use the butcher’s string to tie about every two inches. Place pork roll on rack of roasting pan and roast uncovered for about 1.5 hours, turning once during cooking.

Remove the roast from the pan and wrap in aluminum foil while you prepare the gravy. Strain the liquid from roasting pan, being sure to remove any loose cranberries or chunks that are burned or may burn easily. Pour the strained liquid back into the roasting pan and make the gravy right there in the roasting pan on your stovetop over medium heat. Add the presifted flour to the liquid until it’s blended. Add the chicken broth and scrape all those lovely brown bits on the bottom of the pan into the broth. Add the white wine and reduce for about ten minutes. Add the honey and reduce until the gravy is slightly thickened and syrupy in texture.

Cut the strings out of your pork loin and slice into 1” thick sections. Let your eaters ladle their own gravy to their individual tastes.

THE STORY BEHIND THE RECIPESanta left a little Better Homes and Gardens cookbook in my stocking this year and I came across a recipe for a stuffed pork loin. Of course, I had to monkey with the recipe and make it my own as I always do—and the results were really excellent. The biggest challenge for me was that I had a head cold and could barely taste anything. But both my mother and brother were happy to help me out in that department. This dish would make an excellent substitute for the traditional holiday turkey or ham. I served it with salad, soft dinner rolls, homemade gravenstein applesauce and oven-roasted Yukon gold potatoes. The gravy was a great accent for the potatoes too. It was a real crowd pleaser and will probably usurp the turkey at Christmas dinner next year.

CHEF’S NOTESDepending upon the length of your loin roll and the dimensions of your roaster, you may have to cut the roll in half.

For those of you who worry about undercooked meat, feel free to use a meat thermometer. Pork should reach 155° while cooking. If you are cooking a smaller or larger roast, a meat thermometer will help you adjust the cooking time.

DIETER’S INFORMATIONThis is a fairly low fat dish, especially if you opt for a leaner loin cut. It’s also fairly low on carbs so it would work well as the entrée in a low carb dinner—try serving it with grilled asparagus and a big salad.

MY FAVORITE KITCHEN TOOLS AND GADGETS

THE GARLIC TWIST
I love garlic, but I hate mincing it. Dicing is not only labor intensive, but also you don’t release the oils and you end up with smelly fingers for days. I’ve tried presses and found I usually ended up with big mushy chunks that I had to cut up anyway. Santa left a Garlic Twist in my stocking a couple of years ago, and I’ve been twisting ever since. Here is a link if you are interested: The Garlic Twist. I do recommend that you only twist three to four cloves at a time unless you’re a muscle man.

A GOOD ALL-PURPOSE KNIFE
I have a knife block with a decent set of knifes, but I find that for most food preparation, I use one particular knife 75% of the time. My favorite knife is the Global Cromova 18 stainless steel paring knife.
Its blade is wide enough for most of my chopping, dicing and mincing. I’ve added a couple other Global knives onto my amazon.com wish list. They’re expensive knives but well balanced, very sharp and easy to sharpen. The kitchen universe has a great selection and prices on these knives.

A HEAVY, LARGE SAUTÉ PAN WITH A LID
I’ve gone through plenty of cheap, lightweight, non-stick pans. While it’s tempting to spend less than $10, if you cook frequently you’ll find they’re horribly scratched after just a couple of months and they don’t cook food evenly because they’re so lightweight they won’t sit flush on the burner. I’ve tried cast iron but have never learned the trick to cleaning them without rusting them. Faberware and Emeril’s lines are awesome, but expensive. Next is a link to a high-quality option for a great deal: Calphalon Commercial Hard-Anodized 12-Inch Everyday Pan with Lid.

RICE COOKER
Everyone knows that whole grain rice has much more nutritional value that white rice. But have you tried to cook it from scratch on your stovetop or bake it in the oven in a casserole? Crunch city! I’ve found that I get much better if I use a rice cooker. Here is a link to the same one that I use: Aroma Rice Cooker and Steamer.
Two tips when using a rice cooker for better results: 1. Be sure to follow the liquid/rice ratios that come with the rice, not the directions that come with the rice cooker. 2. Try using vegetable or chicken stock instead of water.

BLENDER WITH GLASS—NOT PLASTIC—BLENDER JAR
I don’t have a food processor. They take up a lot of counter space, have too many parts and are a pain to clean. I find manually chopping and dicing cathartic. However, sometimes I am in a hurry or my recipe calls for processing or grinding, a blender does the trick. I’ve had my Oster Classic Beehive Blender for years and I love it.
The reason I think it’s important to have a glass blender jar is because plastic jars scratch really easily. I once ground whole cloves in a plastic blender jar and in less than 30 seconds it was completely frosted! And believe it or not, a plastic blender jar breaks much more easily than a heavy glass jar.

BROAD-HANDLED PEELER
When I took over cooking holiday dinners for my extended family (15-20 people), my mom found me the relatively painless solution to the blisters, cramped knuckles and indentations I was plagued with while peeling a mountain of potatoes with an old-fashioned, metal peeler. It’s all in the grip!
Get yourself a peeler like this good grips peeler and you’ll be much more comfortable and have more control.

ESSENTIAL INGREDIENTS

CHICKEN AND VEGETABLE STOCK

These are a key element in many recipes. You can use stock to add flavor to rice and pasta. Keep a few cans of your favorite brand in your cupboard. Alternatively, bouillon cubes work well—although tend to be a little heavy on the sodium.

There is also an alternative to canned stock and bouillon cubes: Better than Bouillon meat bases. These have less sodium and more flavor and store for ages in your refrigerator. You can find information and purchase online from this link, but you can also find these products in your local grocery store.

Finally, you can make your own stock! This is labor intensive and you will need to either freeze or can your stock for long-term keeping, but you can’t beat the flavor of fresh stock. Here’s a link to a chicken stock recipe to get you started http://www.gatewaygourmet.com/chicken_stock.htm. Of course, you can add your own spices and seasonings and use the same principals for other meat stocks as well as vegetable stocks.

CHARDONNAY

All kinds of alcohol add to and enhance the flavor of your food. It doesn’t get you drunk as the cooking process burns-off the alcohol. I use chardonnay most frequently in my recipes because I find it’s more versatile than other white wines. I think cooking wine is atrocious as it is super high in sodium because it has already been partially reduced and sat on shelf for ages.

FRESH AND DRIED HERBS

If you love to cook, you’ve already discovered the wonderful flavors that come from using fresh herbs. You can buy them in package form in the produce section of your grocery store, but I highly recommend growing them yourself, which is not only convenient but most more cost effective. Even if you live in an apartment building, it’s easy to grow fresh herbs on a windowsill or even on your kitchen counter. For example, you can buy one of these kits online: windowsill garden trio or chia herb garden. If you have a bit of soil outside your door, why not plant some herbs right there.

I plant a rosemary shrub outside wherever I live as it is one of my favorite herbs to use fresh and it’s evergreen, so it grows all year.

Dried herbs are also an important staple of every kitchen. I always have an Italian herb blend in dried form, as it is both convenient and versatile. Specific spices I recommend you keep on-hand in dried form are bay leaves, dill weed, saffron, black pepper corns (keep a pepper mill so you can always fresh grind), ground white pepper, curry, paprika and tarragon.

Those little bottles of dried herbs in the grocery store are quite expensive. You can cut your costs considerably if you buy in bulk form. My favorite place to purchase them is at Wild Oats grocery stores. They keep they’re bulk herbs in jars and provide both zipper plastic baggies and labels for you to fill yourself.

FRESH PASTA

You can make your own with a pasta machine or a manual pasta maker if you’re an ultimate freshness nut (this also allows you to customize your pasta recipes) or you can buy fresh pasta in your local grocery store and pop in the freezer for storage.

To pep up the flavor of your pasta try boiling it in bouillon or stock instead of plain water.

GARLIC

Oh, how I love garlic. Of course I keep some granulated garlic as a spice, but I am never without fresh garlic. It compliments so many foods and its aroma is cozy and mouth-watering. Store your fresh garlic is a dark, cool, dry place.

HEAVY (WHIPPING) CREAM

The most tasty and versatile dairy product next to unsalted butter. Yes, it has a lot of fat—but you don’t have to use much to add flavor and texture to your sauces.

You’ll look like a gourmet by using the whisk on your electric mixer to whip heavy cream with a little confectioner’s sugar for toppings on desserts, pancakes and waffles—it takes just minutes and tastes far superior to store-bought whipped topping.

LEMON JUICE/LIME JUICE

Not only are these juices flavor enhancing and hugely versatile, but they can replace salt in many recipes for those watching their sodium intake and they act as a natural preservative.

RAW HONEY

Honey is not only a sweetener, but also a flavor enhancer. I use small amounts of honey in many of my recipes for this reason. I always use raw honey in part for the same reason I don’t use cooking wine—it hasn’t been processed and therefore lost flavor and freshness. Additionally, cooked honey has been leached of its health benefits.

You can usually find one brand of raw honey in your grocery store, but I recommend exploring your local farmers markets for a great variety of local raw honeys. I usually purchase mine at Portland’s Saturday Market and experiment with different flavors. Two of my favorites are Snow Berry—which has a wonderful piney taste to it and Blackberry.

SEA SALT

Did you know that the flavor sea salt is more intense than regular table salt? So if you are concerned with your sodium intake, you should switch to sea salt because you can use less without giving up the flavor. Sea salt also adds a wonderful, crunchy texture to your dishes.

TOMATO SAUCE AND TOMATO PASTE

These are a staple in any cook’s kitchen. They are a great base for many sauces, stews and meat dishes and add tremendous flavor.

A word to the wise: organic tomato pastes and sauces in particular vary greatly in sweetness and intensity. Experiment with different brands to find which suits your dishes and taste buds the most.

UNSALTED BUTTER

I felt so vindicated when margarine as the “healthier” alternative to butter was dethroned. Besides, like heavy cream, it only takes a little to add texture and flavor.

It is important to use unsalted butter because you can always add salt to your dish, but you can’t really remove it.