Drake Endorsing Things

A couple days ago Drake was at the massive video-game convention E3 for approximately 15 seconds. He was brought up on stage during an EA Games press conference. Here’s what he said.

My life takes me to places all around the world. Like Barcelona, I meet people from every walk of life. And everywhere I go there are two constants. Everybody wants to talk soccer, and everyone is playing FIFA. My passion for soccer runs deep, and my respect for the people behind FIFA is just as deep. When I play the game, I can only think about what the development team behind the game are doing to make the FIFA I love even better. That’s why I’ve been connected to FIFA in the past, that’s why we’re connected here today, and of course, in the future. But at the end of the day I’m just one fan who loves FIFA, a fan who plays a lot of FIFA, and I cannot wait to see the next generation here today. Here is Matt Bilby and FIFA 14.

He then left the stage, and probably collected $150,000 dollars. It was the most amazing moment of E3 and I will remember it the rest of my life. Drake is but a specter in our life. It also confirms that Drake should be a spokesperson for everything. Here are some endorsements that we would like to see Drake make.

DRAKE ENDORSING LABYRINTH 2

My life takes me to places all around the world. Like the Bog of Eternal Stench, I meet people from every walk of life. And everywhere I go there are two constants. Everybody wants to talk about rescuing their brother from an infinite, incomprehensible maze, and everyone is trying to thwart the monolithic goblin king. My passion for Labyrinth runs deep, and my respect for the goblins behind Labyrinth is just as deep. When I enter the maze, I can only think about what the royal counsel of horrors behind the maze are doing to make the Labyrinth I love even better. That’s why I’ve been connected to Labyrinth in the past, that’s why we’re connected here today, and of course, in the future. But at the end of the day I’m just one fan who loves Labyrinth, a fan who’s been stuck in the Labyrinth a long time, and I cannot wait to see the next generation here today. Here is Jareth, and Labyrinth 2.

DRAKE ENDORSING WEED

My life takes me to places all around the world. Like the back of my SUV, I meet people from every walk of life. And everywhere I go there are two constants. Everyone is talking about weed, and everyone is getting really high. My passion for getting really high runs deep, and my respect for the people behind getting really high runs even deeper. When I get really high, I can only think about what the lax 21st century responsibilities towards casual addiction are doing to make the getting really high I love even better. That’s why I’ve been connected to getting really high in the past, that’s why we’re connected here today, and of course, in the future. But at the end of the day, I’m just one fan who loves getting really high, a fan who’s been getting really high a long time, and I cannot wait to see the next generation here today. Here’s Fitz Hugh Ludlow, who’s about to smoke you all out.

DRAKE ENDORSING BEYBLADES: SECOND GENERATION

My life takes me to places all around the world. Like thousands of middle-school lunch tables, I meet people from every walk of life. And everywhere I go there are two constants. Everyone wants to talk about top-battling, and everyone wants to battle my top. My passion for BeyBlades runs deep, and my respect for the developers behind Beyblades runs just as deep. When I Beyblade, I can only think about the ruddy, ammonia-stained hands of 12-year old Malaysian children are doing to make the Beyblades I love even better. That’s why I’ve been connected to Beyblades in the past, that’s why we’re connected here today, and of course, in the future. But at the end of the day I’m just one fan who loves Beyblades, a fan who’s been battling my Beyblade a long time, when I started from the bottom of the top-battling echelon, and I cannot wait to see the next generation today. Here is Razor Callahan, with Beyblades: Second Generation.

HERE IS SEX: 2014

My life takes me to places all around the world. Like literally everywhere that possibly exists in the universe, I meet people from every walk of life. And everywhere I go there are two constants. Everyone wants to talk about sex, and everyone wants to have sex with me. My passion for sex runs deep, and my respect for the people who want to have sex with me runs just as deep. When I have sex, I can only think about the generations of cultural idolatry that is doing its best to make the sex I love even better. That’s why I’ve been connected to sex in the past, that’s why we’re connected here today, and of course, in the future. But at the end of the day I’m just one fan who loves sex, and I cannot wait to see the next generation today. Here is Vātsyāyana with Sex: 2014.

DRAKE ENDORSING MARIE CALLOWAY

My life takes me to places all around the world. Like New York City, I meet people from every walk of life. And everywhere I go there are two constants. Everybody wants to write a think piece about what it’s like to live in New York in your early 20s, and everyone is writing a think piece about what it’s like to live in New York in your early 20s. My passion for writing a think piece about living in New York in your early 20s runs deep, and my respect for the people behind writing a think piece about living in New York in your early 20s runs just as deep. When I write a think piece about what it’s like to live in New York in your early 20s, I can only think about the long tradition of privilege and entitlement is doing to make the writing a think piece about living in New York in your early 20s I love even better. That’s why I’ve been connected to writing a think piece about living in New York in your early 20s in the past, that’s why we’re connected here today, and of course, in the future. But at the end of the day, I’m just one fan of writing a think piece about living in New York in your early 20s, and I cannot wait to see the next generation here today. Here’s Marie Calloway.

Drake did not endorse Luke Winkie. He's still on Twitter, though - @luke_winkie