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CLEVELAND – Magic Johnson says his talk show had a better chance of survival than the Cavaliers do against the 2-0 Spurs.

When LeBron James was yanked 2:55 into the opening canto after picking up his second help (Zydrunas Ilgauskas), my note-taking stopped. When the Spurs enlarged a 16-13 lead to 28-13 following a timeout, I stashed my pad for good and leaked out for salted peanuts and water at the concession stand, where Sports Illustrated’s Jack McCallum already had loaded up with food and fluid.

“How come we’re buying our refreshments? Probably because our seats are so far away from the press room,” he said, answering his own question.

“The way it’s going,” I predicted, “we’ll have to buy our seats before too long.”

Before I was even half in the bag – shells on my shoes and strewn over my clothes – the Spurs’ spread had swollen to 25 at the half.

Michael Spinks lasted longer against Mike Tyson than the prospects of a Cavs’ victory.

Deep into the third quarter, the frolic in the Phone Booth had bulged a bit to 28.

“If only they can keep it to under 30 going into the fourth,” I pictured Jeff Van Shrek addressing what little remained of ABC’s audience.

Walter Mondale told people he hadn’t seen a rout like this since 1984. “At least I carried one state,” he said, moments before the Cavs won the fourth quarter, 30-14, to shrink the final deficit to 103-92.

With the series shifting to the Hock Shop beginning tonight, about the only stat the Cavs are leading in is “cosmetically closing the margin.”

Some things you just can’t make up.

That brings us to tonight’s most captivating sports programming. For the first time since Red Auerbach’s passing, Bill Russell talks about his treasured confidant – their relationship on and off the court, together as members of a Celtic empire that seized an unprecedented nine championships in 11 seasons and till death parted them.

“We live and die,” he told producer Jim Podhoretz, “but while we are here there are things that we accomplish and, to me, the greatest thing that you can accomplish is friendship. For me, personally, our friendship will last through eternity.”

NBA Entertainment’s exclusive interview took place in Russell’s Seattle home. It was conducted as Bill gazed at rarely seen videos and photos of himself and Auerbach, and spun lyrical and amusing yawns, none of which I can recall ever hearing.

“One time we didn’t play an exhibition game in Kentucky,” Russell recollected haphazardly. “K.C. [Jones] went down to the restaurant in the hotel and they would not serve him. We decided we’re not going to play. I told Red that we are going home. Red went to the airport with us without saying a word. He was saying, ‘You are part of my team, and I respect you if that is what you feel about the situation. You’re my team.’

“Red’s theory was 10 players, two baskets, 13,000 people, one basketball. And we will decide what is done with that one basketball.”

After I won my first MVP, at the start of the next season, Red says, ‘Listen, Russ, tomorrow morning when we start practice, I will be all over you. I’ll be yelling and cussing and screaming. Don’t pay any attention to it. You’re the MVP of the league. If I can’t yell at you, I can’t yell at anybody, so when I yell at you, it is not for you, it is for the other guys.’ You know how you give people an unlimited budget. Well, he went over it. Oh, I got so annoyed at him.

“We’d play a game some place, and I’d see Red and he’d see me and say, ‘Do you want to play gin [rummy] tonight?’ And we would stay up to three or four o’clock in the morning playing gin. I always lost. He was probably a better gin player than he was a coach.

“Red used to never have a curfew. I asked him why he never had one. He said, ‘Because I have to be there to enforce it.’

“I feel a tremendous sense of loss because if you’re fortunate and you have a few friends, because they are so important, if they leave before you do, there is an empty space. There is an empty space where there was a person in my psyche, but also because he was obviously my friend. We came from such diverse places. We met in a common place on common ground.”

“Red and Me” will air on NBA TV before Game 3 tonight at 7. If ABC were smart (leap of faith), it’d show this four nights and show us but one game of the finals.

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Say what you wish about Paris Hilton going back to jail. She’s already done more time than O.J., Robert Blake and (presumably) Phil Spector combined.

President Bush received a hero’s welcome in Albania, which didn’t really surprise him.

“After all, I did serve with distinction in the Albania Air National Guard.” This just in: Billy Donovan wants to go back to Wall Street.