My Other Self

I have an idealized image about myself. In my mind I'm a man who plays in a rock band, rides a motorcycle, has a few but true friends, is bisexual or gay and has a male lover whom he's faithful to. My other self is always strong and just. He always does the right thing and never gives up.

The strange thing is I always see him as an only child and I have a brother, I see him living with his father and my father is dead. I guess he has everything I don't.

And usually when I'm depressed I imagine him going through some kind of misfortune. That troubles me the most. When I'm not happy he's even more miserable than me. And when I cry, I cry about him, not me.

I don't think this is a bad thing, people look up to others all the time. Even though this is an idealized persona, you can still use him as a role model. Who knows, maybe someday you'll be closer to being that guy. In a way, that guy is you. He is your goals and dreams. So even if you're crying for him, in a way, you're still depressed for yourself.