The one rule I have kept to with this blog since the first day has been: write only when I feel like it. If the mood doesn’t take me, then I don’t. Well, truth be told here, the mood hasn’t taken me in some months. The first and big obvious reason for not writing has […]

This recipe has been an on-and-off staple of my home cooking since 2009. Last presented here in 2013, my chili has evolved with my tastes. These days I mostly eat vegetarian food, and have gotten over my earlier distaste of kidney beans. Speaking only for myself, I’ve desensitized by palette to hot and spicy food. […]

The past month has been a bit mad for me. I ran in three races over three weekend at the same time I completed a cross-country house move. So, move! It’s no secret that I haven’t been at all happy in Dublin over the past two years. It reached the point that the only thing […]

Today I’m on a self-enforced day of bed rest because I have the literal death plague in me. The problem with being sick is that I can’t my own lazy hands. The longer I stare at the wall, the more I itch to do something. It hasn’t helped that torn ligaments in my knee have […]

The hardest thing for me to do over the last few months has been to separate my expectations of other peoples's expectations of what I should feel, from what I expect I should I feel, from what I think I feel, from what I feel.

When you put shit in, you get shit out. At last, today, it occurred to me that I haven’t been kind to myself over the past month. Two years ago I learned that I only know when I’m stressed or angry or upset are in the ways I express them. Like that I eat junk […]

The first cycle-cycle, that is, because trips to and from town in Galway don’t count. Back in Vegas I used to cycle to work: take the bus part way, cycle the balance. I stopped (no bicycle) after I got back to Ireland, so I’m looking forward to the route to Howth. There are few words […]

I am here, now. Mark now is Mark now. Mark then was Mark then. I’m not him. Last year has gone and next year will come. Everything in its own time. Tomorrow is tomorrow, yesterday is yesterday. Breathe in now, breathe out here. Here is here, there is there. Now is now. Here, now breathe […]

Weights and scales and charts and numbers are all well and good, but it’s the new hole I punched in my belt today that’s the visceral sign of losing weight. I’ve used each notch at one time or another.

I have been an abuser. I committed physical violence against my spouse and children. For the longest time I manipulated and isolated my spouse, played them against their family and friends. Gaslighted and undermined. I attempted to control them by withholding money. I cheated on both my spouse and long-term partner. I’ve been that oily […]

Given my personal history, how we grant agency has been a topic I’ve wanted to explore for a while. Despite her book’s many other problems, in Why Does He Do That? Lundy Bancroft shows insight when she describes abusive decision as a function of the abuser’s value system. Each person has a decision structure-their value […]

Over the last few months I’ve lost a bunch of weight-and continue to do so. At any given point, now will be lowest weight I’ve reached as an adult. Along the way here I learned the fundamental of compassion. With it have been able to reach out to the people in my life and become […]

Effect matters more than intent. It doesn’t matter a whit that I tell you what I intended, when the way I affected you has been are the clear opposite. Consequences are asymptotic-they echo on for years and only slowly taper. The foundation of a good life lies in the ability able to balance your needs […]

More man than man. ᕙ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ᕗ My goals are to increase my 5k pace, and boost my stamina on 10k runs, both for the Road and Road 10k in Kinvara in March. I have every confidence in myself that I’ll succeed and complete the Road and Road event and reach my intermediate goals.

Storm Eleanor has left the power out in places and half of Galway underwater from the tidal surge. Okay, so my pace despite the weather-I had the wind against me the entire way, and it rained twice-makes me happy, because it continues to be on a downward slope. Sorry for the graph. It’s the result […]

There’s a sorrow in me, a deep sadness for the hurt I’ve caused, the hurt caused to me, and the toll in joy it takes from us. We all lose something fundamental as we get older. We learn that our intent mightn’t be theirs, that they’ll take what they want. We learn about lies and […]

My head hurts, but it doesn’t hurt. There’s pressure, not in my head but in my head, if you get me. Got an itch in my feet to get up and go, to run and scream and laugh and jump. I’m angry and happy and fucked up and tired and pissed off and content, and […]