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*****Cross Post Freely*****

Warning: The following is totally and completely fictitious. The drugs are not real, the company is not real, the diseases aren't real. The only thing here that is real is that S.B. 1959 Prevention of Violent Radicalization and Homegrown Terrorism Act has been introduced into the Senate after a version passed the U.S. House by 400 to 6. If the use of tongue in cheek humor or dark satire offends you, you would be best served by not reading further.

Last year we reported on what was a medical phenomenon called the AETA Blues Flu. It seems that this year the AETA bug has mutated into a new bug and it's target population is not limited to animal rights and environmental activists. Joining the at risk population are peace activists, defenders of civil liberties, constitutional scholars, academics, writers, journalists and alternative press and anyone else who dares disagree with the US government (for the sake of simplicity, hereon referred to as "terrorists"). The new disease is called PVRAHT (S.B. 1959 Prevention of Violent Radicalization and Homegrown). PVRAHT (pronounced pervert) is commonly known as M.A.D. or Mad Activist Disease and is surprizingly similar to Mad Cow Disease.

M.A.D. Symptons:

Feel Depressed?
Lethargic?
Find excuses to avoid going to protests?
Find yourself watching V for Vendetta over and over again?
Think about water board torture every time you hear running water?
Wonder how George Clooney felt in Syriana when they tore his fingernails out?
Heart palpitate when you hear a helicopter hovering over your house at 6am?
Have nightmares about disappearing without a trace?
Stay awake wondering where all those secret prisons are located?
Uncontrollable urge to run when you hear a siren?

But don't despair. Our friendly friends at GlaxMerkPfizArtisBMS are happy to announce that with the help of massive grants from the NIH and the Department of Homeland Security, they have developed a new life saving and mood altering blue capsule* just for you.

* Also available in vegan-friendly non-gelatin cruelty free capsules by request.

The extensive and very expensive research which led to the identification of the AETA Blues Flu and subsequently M.A.D. was triggered by a study into a mysterious phenomenon known as slacktivism.

"Slacktivism (sometimes slactivism) is a portmanteau formed out of the words slacker and activism, and describes people who are activists but who do not engage in much physical activity to further their cause. "Slacktivists", as they are called, may also be referred to as "armchair activists" or "latte-activists" and are derided for a lack of "commitment to the cause" or "being willing to take the extra step". A common argument in support of slacktivism is that it allows those who are unable to participate in more active forms of protest, such as bed-ridden individuals, to be and feel part of a larger social movement. However, most people who use slacktivism in a pejorative sense apply it to able-bodied people who could extend themselves more." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slacktivism)

You may be a slacktivist if:

You fail to recognize the difference between action and talking about action
You spend time at vegan hangouts reminiscing about when you used to be active
You miss a protest so you can attend a vegan pot luck supper
You allow fear of repression to dictate your actions
You wear a button that says "Veganism IS Direct Action"

You think that underground actions are responsible for government repression
You think the ARM is ruining things for the ALF
You think the ALF is ruining things for animal rights activists

You think that animal rights activists are ruining it for animal welfare advocates
You think that animal welfare advocates are ruining it for the "happy meat" people
You think the "happy meat" people are ruining it for the carnivores....etc, etc, etc.
Note: Although slacktivism, AETA Blues Flu and M.A.D. share common symptomology, they have been clinically proven to be separate and distinct conditions. Although Fukitol does alleviate some of the symptoms of slacktivism, clinical trials have proven that once an activist succumbs to self delusion and convinces him or herself that they are doing the best that they can, there is little hope for a reversal. However, the new Fuckitol+ Max will reverse any of the three conditions given at the proper dosage. Double dosage required for treatment of M.A.D.
Triple dosage required for Corporatescumbagitis.

Once again, this little blue and white capsule was tested by Huntingdon Life Sciences where the spouses and families of Huntingdon Life Sciences volunteered to be subjects with very little coaxing. When the call went out for subjects, thousands of applications were filed, over 100 were filed by Andrew Baker, on behalf of his wife Susan, who is no longer able to advocate on her own behalf. Baker also filed applications for HLS Managing Director, Brian Cass. It was Baker's hope that the drug might help him to stop whining and crying during press interviews.

Last year, it was found that Susan does not suffer from AETA Blues Flue, but she did have an ugly rash and a bad case of Corporatescumbagitis which she most likely caught from hanging out in the bathrooms at Huntingdon Life Sciences. It was also discovered that Brian Cass is similarly inflicted with a mutant strain of corporatescumbagitis. Likely Brian and Susan are hanging around in the same places - just a theory. Mega doses of Fuckitol+ MAX are recommended for all HLS Executives and their spouses as this disease is highly contagious.

Ask your doctor for a prescription for Fukitol+ MAXand if you cannot afford to buy it, you can apply to the friendly friends at GlaxMerkPfizArtisBMS who will allow you to fill out 73 forms and spend about 12 hours on the phone and travel to their corporate offices at your own expense before advising you that you do not satisfy the requirements for a free prescription.

WARNING - Fukitol+ MAX Side Effects:

* Increased levels of anger and rage
* Urge to join the NRA (National Rifle Association)
* Uncontrollable desire to set things on fire
* Sensitivity to daylight activities
* Compulsion to play with guns
* New found fascination with chemistry
* Bulk purchases of spray paint, crazy glue and liquid ass
(more about "Liquid Ass" in a future 12 Days of Xmas)
* Dream constantly about animal liberation

FINAL WARNING: Overdosage or extended usage may lead to feelings of euphoria, false sense of security, grand jury investigations, state and federal indictments and possible extended incarceration. In short, you may lose everything you have except for your integrity. Other side effects are typical of most pharmaceuticals: increased risk of heart attack, organ failure, blindness, numbness in arms and legs, incontinence and anal leakage. Take at your own risk.

On a serious note: please take some time this holiday season to remember that there are brave men and women, who are in prison for acting on their consciences. These activists are separated from their loved ones and need our support and solidarity, now more than ever.

You can find their names and address in our previous action alerts or simply go to: http://www.spiritoffreedom.org.uk/

Also, we would normally recommend that you call your Senator or other elected representative to lobby against the passage of this bill. We won't though because we believe that it would only be a waste of your time. See what happens when you self medicate with happy drugs?

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