Monica : But what if it’s new? I mean, we agreed not to talk. He could
have something really important to say. Shouldn’t I call him back?

Chandler : Honey, you did call him back cause it’s really old.

Ross : Yeah, see Mon, listen. Listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went
through the same thing, and you know what I did. I got dressed. Really really
quickly. Okay, there we go. There we go. [sends Monica toward her bedroom and
Rachel toward hers]

Chandler : [to Joey] You know what, okay, fine, don’t get up. You just
sit right there. I just hope you don’t mind, you know, my hand right here. [places
his hand directly in front of Joey’s face] Oh, look, not touching, can’t get
mad. Not touching, can’t get mad. Not touching, can’t get mad.

[While Joey is moving around, Chandler is moving his hand around to get in
front of Joey’s face. Inadvertently, the horseplay gets rough and Joey’s hand
hits Chandler’s arm, sending hummus toward Phoebe, landing on her dress near
her left shoulder.]

Monica : I called him. [everybody gasps] I got his machine and I left
him a message. But it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. Because you know, it was
like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy. [pause] Oh god, what if it wasn’t
breezy?

Phoebe : How could it not be breezy? You know, cause you’re in such
a breezy place.

Monica : I got it. I will play my message for you guys and you can tell
me if it’s breezy enough.

Joey : Monica, how are you gonna do that?

Monica : I know the code to his answering machine.

Ross : Okay, Mon, I really don’t think this is the... [seeing that she
is picking up the phone] Okay, you’re dialing. You are dialing.

[Chandler comes in, dressed in his suit, and sees the empty chair. At the same
time, Joey sees that he sees it is empty. They both run for the chair, but Joey
lands in it first.]

Richard (on machine): Hi. This is Richard. Please leave a message at
the tone.

[Phone beeps. Monica enters the code.]

Machine : You have two new messages.

Joey : Wow, what a cool job. [mimicking the answering machine voice]
You have two new messages...Please pass the pie.

[Phone beeps.]

Monica (on machine): Hi, it’s Monica. I’m just checking in cause I got
this message from you and I didn’t know if it was old or new or what. So, I’m
just checking. So, let me know. Or don’t. Whatever. I’m breezy.

Chandler : Maybe it was his sister’s. You know. Maybe it was his daughter’s.

Monica : Michelle. Of course, it was Michelle. Did it sound like Michelle?

Ross : [looking out the window] Oh, great. It’s starting to rain. That’ll
make it easier to get a cab.

Monica : It was Michelle. It was definitely Michelle.

Rachel : Okay, Pheebs, you go with Monica. [Monica and Phoebe go to
Mon’s bedroom] Try on her green dress. If that doesn’t work, you can wear my
gray silk one. Oh god, what am I gonna wear?

Ross : You don’t know what you’re wearing?

Rachel : Honey, I’m just trying to look nice for your big night.

Ross : Which we have to leave for in exactly twelve minutes...come on,
I’ll just pick something out for you. [Ross and Rachel go to Rachel’s bedroom]

Chandler : [to Joey, still sitting in the chair] Alright, you will notice
that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So, in the
words of A.A. Milne, "get out of my chair, dillhole."

Joey : Okay.

[Joey gets up, takes the back and seat cushions from the chair, stuffs them
under his arm and heads for the door.]

Chandler : What are you doing?

Joey : Well, you said I had to give you the chair. You didn’t say anything
the cushions.

Chandler : The cushions are the essence of the chair!

Joey : That’s right. I’m taking the essence. [barges out]

Chandler : Ho-ho, he’ll be back. [seeing no one around] Ho-ho, there’s
nobody in the room.

Ross : [coming out of Rachel’s bedroom with Rachel] I’m sorry, I thought
it looked pretty.

Rachel : Ross, that was a Halloween costume. Unless you would like me
to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep.

Ross : Look, I didn’t recognize it without that inflatable sheep.

Rachel : Which, by the way, Chandler, I would like back one of these
days.

Phoebe : [coming in with a sundress draped over her regular dress] Oh,
Rach. Good, listen, isn’t this perfect for me?

[Phoebe comes out, but covering the hummus stain is a giant Christmas decoration
with red ribbons, and garland, and all that. It’s pretty large. The guys both
start gasping and gapping when they see it.]

Phoebe : Rachel didn’t have anything that I liked, so, but she had this
Christmas ribbon, and I thought, "alright, fine, I’ll be political."

Chandler : What are you supporting?

Phoebe : Duh. Christmas.

Ross : Okay, hey, that’s okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve
min.. [noticing that his watch has stopped] My watch stopped. Okay, see, the
dinosaur tail isn’t going around anymore. What time is it? It’s 7:33. I have
seven minutes. I have seven minutes...

Rachel : [coming out of bedroom holding shoes] Okay, Pheebs, quick,
which shoes should I wear? The black or the purple? The purple ones?

Ross : [getting very anxious and upset] Just pick one. Okay.

Phoebe : Okay. The black. Oh, but do you have black with little strappies?

Rachel : Yeah, but those really go better with pants. Maybe I should
wear pants.

Ross : [now very anxious and extremely upset] Yeah, pants, what an idea.
Or better yet, um, how bout you go without any pants. Look, I don’t know what
you’re trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any
shoes that fit your feet. Okay? No. No. I don’t care if they match. I don’t
care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay?
No. No. Just do it. Go in there. Pick something out so we can go.

Rachel : [calmly] Alright. [she turns and goes back to bedroom]

Ross : Thank you.

Monica : [coming in] Okay, I’ve gotta call Michelle. I’ve gotta see
if that was her voice or not. I’m sorry. I just have to.

Ross : It was. It was her voice.

Chandler : Monica, I think you’ve gone over to the bad place.

[Monica dials Michelle’s number and switches the phone over to speaker.]

Michelle : Hola. Hello. Hello.

[Monica hangs up.]

Monica : Okay. That was her, right? [everybody agrees] So, there you
go. Wooo. We’re out of the woods. I think I’ll get dressed now.

[Phone rings.]

Phoebe : I’ll get it. Okay. [picks up phone] Hi. Monica and Rachel’s.
[pause] Yeah. Just a second. Can I ask who’s calling? [pause] Oh. [places hand
over mouthpiece] Ooh. It’s Michelle. Ooh. She must have that Caller ID thing?
You should get that.

Monica : Uh, Michelle. [pause] Yeah, that was me. I dialed your number
by mistake. [pause] You’re so sweet. [pause] Yeah, we were a great couple. [pause]
I know. I really miss him. [pause] Well, you know how it is...[leaves room talking
on phone]

Chandler : [to Phoebe] Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he
getting out of the shower, he always pulls a towel around his waist. I mean,
what is that about?

Monica : [comes back in, still on phone] ...Michelle, I only beeped
in so I could hear my own message. I mean, that’s allowed. [pause] Yuh-uh! You
know, I would really appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell your dad... [pause]
What do you mean you don’t feel comfortable with this? Come on! We’re friends!
[dial tone] That bitch always hated me. I’m gonna call her back.

Ross : No. No. Tick, tick, tick.

Monica : Okay. Fine. [heads toward her bedroom]

Chandler : You got a phone in there, right?

Phoebe : Okay, we’re on it. We’re on it.

[Phoebe and Chandler jump up and run into Monica’s bedroom. Door closes. Rachel
comes out of her bedroom. She’s wearing a pair of pants and a sweatshirt, obviously
not dressed to go out. She also has a box with her. She walks over to the kitchen
table and sits down.]

Ross : Um, I know it says "black tie optional", but this may be pushing
it a little. Um.

Rachel : I’m not gonna go.

Ross : You’re not gonna go.

Rachel : No. I think I’m gonna catch up on my correspondence.

Ross : How? How? How can you not be going?

Rachel : I’m not gonna go, so I think that will accomplish the not going.

Ross : Um, you know, just out of curiosity...

Rachel : Well, ever since, I was humiliated and yelled at in front of
my friends, I’m just, I don’t know, not in a very, you know, museum, benefitty
kind of mood.

Ross : Right. Okay. God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I yelled.

Rachel : That’s fine.

Ross : No, you’re mad.

Rachel : I’m not mad. I’m just not going.

Ross : You’re not going? Okay. You know, that I have to go. So, is it
going to be like I’m abandoning you while you’re upset?

Rachel : No.

Ross : No. Because you’re not upset.

Rachel : Right.

Ross : About the yelling?

Rachel : Right. And the humiliating.

Ross : Of course, the humiliating. So, we... we’re okay.

Rachel : Right.

Ross : Okay. Honey, I love you.

Rachel : Um-hum.

[Ross goes to kiss Rachel and she turns so he kisses the side of her head.]

Phoebe : [yelling from back bedroom] Get away from that phone! [screams]

[Phoebe walks out into the living room, holding phone and cord.]

Phoebe : [in calm voice] She’s just getting dressed.

Chandler : [coming out of back bedroom] Is it wrong that I was totally
aroused by that?

[Just then, Joey barges in wearing several pairs of pants and shorts, a bunch
of shirts, and a lot of ties.]

Joey : You know, it’s hot with all this stuff on. I better not do any
lunges. [begin lunging forward and back alternating legs]

Ross : Okay. Okay. Enough. Enough with the lunging. No. I’m sick of
this. I’ve had it up to here with you. Neither of you can come to the party.

Chandler : Geez, what a baby.

Joey : Yeah, Ross. Way to ruin it. I was just going to go get dressed.

Ross : You know what, I don’t care. The only person I cared about getting
dressed is the one person that says she’s not even gonna go. [goes over to Rachel]
Look, Rach, I’m sorry. Okay. Look, I was a jerk. Okay. I’m sorry I yelled. I
want you there. I need you there. What can I do to show you how much I want
you to be there?

Ross : [to Joey] How ’bout instead you go get changed. [to Chandler]
You give him back his underwear. I’m gonna go get a cab. I want everyone downstairs
in two minutes. Monica!

[Joey turns to leave and walks out lunging with Chandler in tow.]

Chandler : [to Joey] Stop it! Stop it!

Phoebe : Ross went to get a cab, so we could all...what are you doing?
No, Monica, no!

[Monica is at the phone in the living room, dialing.]

Richard (on machine): Hi, this is Richard.

[Monica keys in the access code.]

Machine : You have three new messages.

[Monica keys in some more numbers.]

Monica : Not anymore.

Machine : Message erased. [Monica keys more numbers] To record a message,
begin speaking at the tone.

Monica : Hi, Richard. It’s Monica. Listen, I did something kind of crazy
tonight. Maybe I’m getting my period or something, I don’t know. Anyway, I beeped
into your machine and I heard this message that freaked me out. You know what,
Michelle will tell you the rest. I’m sorry, okay, and I hope that we can just
forget the whole thing. Okay. Bye.