Day to honour dear, old dad

It seems only fair that dads should get a day of recognition, like moms do. Although dad’s day is perhaps less of a loving salute and more of a teasing session. It’s interesting how we usually honour dads by making fun of them. Father's Day becomes a sort of annual roast.

Of course, kids love their dad, but sometimes feel more comfortable kidding rather than hugging him. But that’s okay. Dad is a good sport and the sentimentality is still there, even if it’s disguised as light-hearted banter!

With this in mind, here are a few tongue-in-cheek thoughts about fathers.

Dad is a guy who:

• Rearranges the 15 remaining hairs on his head in such a way that it will look like a full head of hair, or so he thinks.

• Complains that the government wastes taxpayers’ money, and then spends his last dime on the world’s most expensive radial-arm saw.

He justifies the purchase by pointing out all the neat projects he’s going to create with this mechanical marvel. Sure. Right.

• Will say, “I’ll make dinner,” and then ends up ordering pizza.

• Will study the pharmacy shelves forever, finding just the right vitamins and minerals to prolong his life. And then drives like a madman at high speed on a rain-slicked highway to get to the cottage early.

• Constantly pulls in his ever-expanding stomach — as far as he can.

• Sometimes criticizes the family dinner menu and then goes away on a wilderness fishing trip, where he eats half-fried potatoes, burned fish and gritty coffee, and says it’s the best meal he ever had.

• Knows the name of every player on his favourite hockey team, but can’t quite recall the name of his Member of Parliament.

• Worked hard on the farm so that he could move into the city to earn enough money to afford to move back to the farm.

• Isn’t happy when the house is a mess, but will chew you out for cleaning up his workbench area because he “knows where everything is!”

• Likes to gripe about our government, but really gets his back up if a visitor from some other country does the same thing.

• Gets annoyed about high prices when he’s buying, and even more annoyed about low prices when he’s selling.

• Still doesn’t know where the good cutlery is kept, even after 21 years of marriage.

• Even after all the reminders, he still leaves:

— Late for work.

— The tops off things.

— Closet doors open.

— Chores to the last minute.

— His greasy wrench in the kitchen.

• Will hang around hungrily in the kitchen while dinner is cooking, and then disappear into the garage to fix the lawn mower three minutes before dinner is served.

• Talks about fishing at work and about business while fishing.

• Will often tell his wife that he loves her, but has never said that while he’s absorbed in sports on TV.

• Will say, “I’ll do the dishes,” and then walks into the kitchen just as the last dish is being wiped.

• Can never find his socks.

• Works at reducing-exercises regularly — three days in a row sometimes.

• Turned down that big promotion so that he could spend more time with the family.

• Is definitely going to clean out the garage — some weekend.

How did Father’s Day begin?

The credit goes to Olivia Dodd of Spokane, Washington. Ironically, she got the idea during a Mother’s Day church sermon in 1919. The minister waxed eloquent about mothers, but no mention was made of fathers.

Dodd didn’t think that was quite fair. She was a young child when her mother died, leaving her father with the responsibility of raising six children alone. She felt that he and others like him should be honoured, too.

With the help of the minister, she was able to organize a Father's Day in Spokane that same year. The idea caught on quickly and spread wide and far. By 1922, Father's Day became a national observance annually on the third Sunday in June.

Dad whimsy:

• A family got together and decided to give dad something he could use every day of the year — another credit card.

• An eight year old was asked to describe his dad and said: “Well, he can climb the highest mountain or swim the deepest ocean. He can fly the fastest plane and fight the strongest tiger. But most of the time, he just takes out the garbage.”