Monday, February 18, 2008

In honour of the original concept of this blog, I'll be filling you in on things I come across that are unforgivably fucking stupid. I find that TV producers do a great job of helping me find these things, so most will be TV based.

Also, I changed the title to something more fitting. Chances are you fuckers didn't think I would ever take the time to write another one of these columns, but hey...Impossible is Nothing.

Shreddies

I've never really been a big fan of Shreddies cereal. Much like Special K or Rice Krispies, it doesn't have a whole lot to offer. The only time I eat it is when we're fresh out of all other cereal, but even then it's basically just a bowl of brown sugar with a couple Shreddies tossed in. Not only did it not have much taste, but it turned into complete mush after about four minutes. You could potentially blame that on the absurd amounts of brown sugar in it, but that would be unfair to the provider of taste.

Well, Post finally decided to put a stop to all that with their new cereal: Diamond Shreddies! Well fuck me sideways. To quote the fine people of Post: "Think that we can't make 100% whole grain wheat Shreddies cereal even better? Well, we just did!" We turned those motherfuckers 45 degrees! Won't taste like shit no more!

I still can't decide if this is a joke or not. It's mind numbingly retarded. They even have a fucking website for this stuff. Either way, Post, I'm not eating either of your bullshit cereals.

Adidas

We've talked about this many times, but I feel like the rest of our readers (I'm lookin' at you, Carl) should know about the bullshit spewing from Reggie Bush's mouth. The first one that I saw was of Jonah Lomu, so I rationally assumed that they would all be about people who faced serious adversity and managed to overcome it. Of course, that could not have been any more wrong.

The second ad I saw was Gilbert Arenas complaining about riding the pine for the first 40 games of his rookie season, even though the asshole ended up starting 30 games that year. Then he goes on to say he wanted to prove everyone wrong by getting really good. Once again, I rationally assumed that he was a late round draft pick with very little to offer. Nope. The prick went 31st overall out of Arizona. If anything, you should be trying to prove to people you deserved to be picked that high. Fuck you Gilbert, you're a shit stain on society.

The best ad of the bunch has to go to Reggie Bush's horrifying tale of adversity. "Six games into the season, I still had no touchdowns. I got a little frustrated." You mean this poor guy had to suffer through a national championship and Heisman Trophy at USC (think of the tang), getting drafted 2nd overall, AND not scoring for six weeks? Jesus H. Christ. If bosses were more like Mr. Tarkanian, we wouldn't have to worry about shit like this.