How should nonbelievers act during religious services? Ethics and Religion Talk

Although the primary purpose of this column is to explore the intersection of religion and ethics, a number of our readers are people without faith in God and religious affiliation. This week's question comes from a principled non-believer, who asks:

"My niece was buried this week after a long illness. Being a relative, attending the service was necessary. During the service, there were times when we were asked to stand and pray. I, being a non-believer, stood but did not pray. What do the panelists expect from participants of other faiths or no faith when they attend services or simply enter the worship area?

"For example, attending the open house of our local masjid, in order to enter the prayer area, they required people to take off their shoes. Since I thought doing so was in obedience to God, I did not go in. But, researching that particular issue, I'm reading that it is also simply to help keep the carpet clean. So now, what to do?"

Aly Mageed, a Shura member (roughly equivalent to an elder or a member of the Board of Trustees) of the Islamic Mosque and Religious Institute of Grand Rapids, responds:

The Prophet Muhammad stated that all the earth has been made pure for Him to pray as long as it is not soiled. Original Masjids had no carpets and Muslims could pray there with their shoes as long as they are not dirty. Today’s Masjids have carpets and therefore, in order to keep clean, we take off shoes.

As for participating with other faiths in their joyous or sorrowful occasions, I would say that as long as that participation does not oblige one to perform something that is against his/her beliefs, it is a welcome human gesture. If my participation would require me to bow or kneel to a statue, drink alcohol or even say Amen to statements that contradict my beliefs, I would decline.

Fred Wooden, senior pastor of Fountain Street Church, responds:

My parents taught me that when I visit other people's homes that I should respect their way of living. Hospitality is a two way street, after all. But as a vegetarian I sometimes find myself facing a lovely roast. Should I refuse on principle, or eat out of respect? I eat because refusing a gift is disrespectful, which is a greater sin than eating meat. Turning to the example at hand, a masjid: to remove shoes is something they and Buddhists and Hindus do. Does removing your shoes confess one is Islamic or Buddhist or Hindu? Certainly not to you or them. Does it compromise your faith in itself? No. In the end, it is lack of respect for the other's faith that is being expressed.

Doug Van Doren, pastor of Plymouth United Church of Christ, responds:

This is an important question in a time of growing diversity of faiths and those who don’t follow a faith tradition. You cannot go too far wrong if you abide by the principle of respect. When you go into another faith’s place of worship, it is like going in another’s home. You try to abide by their norms and respect their sensitivities, even if you don’t understand or agree with them.

I can understand not wanting to be hypocritical. Trying to make others think you believe something you don’t is hypocritical. Simply participating and respecting the norms and expectations in a given setting is not being hypocritical. If you are a non-believer in a religious setting, so what? Clearly your fear cannot be that “God will get you!” In a couple places, the Apostle Paul speaks about the needs and feelings of others being more important than one’s own, even in religious matters. (Romans 14:1-23, 1 Cor. 10:31-32) This is a guiding principle not just for Christians, but for people of other faiths and non-faith as well. No matter what you believe or don’t believe about God, you are not at your niece’s funeral or visiting the mosque to make a statement about your beliefs, but rather to receive and give support. Anything that takes away from that is the bigger offense.

My response:

Being a guest does not obligate you to participate in prayers. However, it does obligate you to politely observe customs that do not necessarily imply a particular faith. When people enter the synagogue sanctuary, we expect that males will cover their heads. For us, it is a sign of respect for God; for others, it may simply be respect for the place. We also ask that guests coming on the Sabbath refrain from using electronic devices or writing implements, in respect for our Shabbat observance. As far as we are concerned, it is not a religious act; it is simply a sign of respect.

Ethics and Religion Talk is compiled and written by David Krishef, rabbi at Congregation Ahavas Israel in Grand Rapids. Krishef takes questions from readers and shares them with a panel of clergy, then provides the responses in collaboration with community engagement specialist Zane McMillin. The views expressed are those of the panelists and do not necessarily represent the official perspectives of their congregations or denominations. Please submit questions from your own day-to-day encounters to EthicsAndReligionTalk@gmail.com.