i think symbol man is right and i have to stop directing my anger into futile masochistic fantasies of terrorism (although that WILL eventually happen just in case GHCQ and the NSA think they should cut back on their surveillance of me) and stalk this addiction then kill it to death by murdering it until its dead.

i'm too lazy to ever have kept a diary but i keep watch of things and remember them.

even if you could bomb the headquarters of every cigarette company you wouldn't be able to cure your habit, and even if there were no cigarettes you'd go mad like you did when you quit before, so you'd still have a problem. so while cigarette companies might very well be criminal fucks, and they will probably be sued out of existence, your disease still needs a cure.

i get it that all is a part of a larger whole, i do, and i get that things need to be understood that way, but what i'm suggesting is to break it down to small elements that you can defeat easily. the only way to complete very large tasks is to chunk them into manageable parts. you can't kill a mammoth with your fists.

anyway, i will say no more lest you think i'm giving you a "pep talk," but i've told you what i know, and if you can find some use for it great, and if not i'm sorry.

yeah i edited my responses to your post like 3 times dialing down the anger each time lol.

i'm going do what you suggest. but someone has to promise that if i successfully quit THEN die of lung cancer you will mummify my corpse, implant a bomb in it with its countdown clock replacing my heartbeat, then operate it by remote control and direct it into the boardroom of one of the tobacco companies and detonate. its only fair.

funny enough, the day i say you need to become your own doctor i ended up watching dallas buyers club which is basically about that same principle. the story was retouched for hollywood but it's still great in spite of its falsehoods-- of course could have been better, like anything that comes out of that cultural shithole, but eh, i'd still recommend it.

Why hasn't vaping come up yet? I mean, nicotine is only a mild carcinogen compared to the dozen other carcinogens in raw tobacco smoke, and while the heart disease is in part caused by a natural reaction to nicotine, vaping will at least be less harmful medium towards quitting.. seems to work for some people

Vaping is alright. the people dying from it are idiots who ingest the nicotine liquid, or little kids whose idiot caretakers are leaving them alone with vapes and the nicotine liquid. You can definitely OD on nicotine. make you sick as fuck.

it is not the same for sure, but I find it eases my nicotine craving. I bought a Blue disposable vape, and after I got used to the taste, I enjoy taking 3-4 drags from it every few days after work. It does just enough to relax. I have friends though who forget and smoke it for hours which is NOT GOOD

BTW, the food grade oil used in the vapes is the same shit they use to make fake fog in smoke machines, like at the foggiest show I ever saw, White Zombie/EyeHateGod at #'s Nightclub. could not see SHIT

funny enough, the day i say you need to become your own doctor i ended up watching dallas buyers club which is basically about that same principle. the story was retouched for hollywood but it's still great in spite of its falsehoods-- of course could have been better, like anything that comes out of that cultural shithole, but eh, i'd still recommend it.

i found it heroic. i wish i could have said the things ron said to those doctors only in regards to SSRI's.

the homophobia of a bisexual man living in redneck country - that's not authentic homophobia, thats a survival mechanism.

people dont understand why gay men CAMP IT LIKE FUCK - the reason is that its a way of disarming people. people do not like the ambiguity. they can deal more easily when the moment they set eyes on a man, they can tell he is gay.

i found it heroic. i wish i could have said the things ron said to those doctors only in regards to SSRI's.

the homophobia of a bisexual man living in redneck country - that's not authentic homophobia, thats a survival mechanism.

people dont understand why gay men CAMP IT LIKE FUCK - the reason is that its a way of disarming people. people do not like the ambiguity. they can deal more easily when the moment they set eyes on a man, they can tell he is gay.

its a great movie.

but the thing is, people who knew him have complained that he actually wasn't homophobic and appeared gay to them-- you know, like when he fucks the aids lady in the office because "oh, he been desprate"-- that wouldn't be true. regardless, awesome and inspiring story at the core. so fuck yes.