Funniest tweets about The Bachelorette Finale: Part 1

Julie Sprankles is a freelance writer living in the storied city of Charleston, SC. When she isn't slinging sass for SheKnows, she enjoys watching campy SyFy creature features (Pirahnaconda, anyone?), trolling the internet for dance work...

Laugh to keep from crying, right?

In what could possibly have truly been the most shocking episode in The Bachelorette's history, poor Des fell to pieces after being dumped in the first half of the finale. Sad, yes, but there's always a silver lining. In this case? The witty Twitter banter that followed!

Can I call in sick for not watching the Bachelorette last night and therefore wanting to avoid anyone who might ruin it for me?

We're sure more than a few fans disagree... except in regard to last night's sob-fest. I think we can all agree that hysterical crying — on Desiree's part and ours, at home alone yelling at the TV — isn't a winning look for anyone. The only winner here? Desiree's immoveable mascara!

Tonight on The Bachelorette watched hunky guy weep and hug the girl he said he didn't love.He so understood the pain of living without him.

It must be hard to be so smokin' hot and constantly be saddled with the guilt of knowing you leave a trail of broken hearts behind wherever you go. That bod should come with a warning from the Surgeon General. #hotguyproblems #fosho

And we're totally not laughing at you right now. Just like we totally weren't moisturizing our cuticles, ripping those comically cruel blackhead-removing strips off our noses, and sobbing like babies (from the strips, natch!) while we watched last night.

If The Bachelorette has taught me anything, it's that even flat abs won't stop heartbreak.

I mean, sheesh... Des worked so hard to look that good in a bikini and still wound up brokenhearted and pining over a hot dude like the rest of us. Repeat after me: spoon, chocolate-chip cookie dough. Now that's true love.

Totes! Kind of has the same ring as Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly's Stepbrothers masterpiece, "Boats N' Hoes." Not that we're saying that would work too... because that would be inappropriate, right?

I want to be the Bachelorette, but like for cats. Which cat is the right cat for me? How will I know? Will we get meowried at the end?

Hmm, now that we think about it, the show also has lots of bad hair, a fast-tracked search for true love and a healthy appreciation for hot tubs. Throw in a little Eddie Murphy or James Earl Jones voice-over action and you're basically watching Coming to America. Wait, does that make Chris Harrison the Arsenio Hall here?

I really think television would have something if only they would combine The Bachelorette with Shark Week. cc: @chrissolari@joerexrode