Want To Read Something Really Scary? We Interview One Of The Economists Leading Us Out Of The Recession.

Economist: I sit around with the boys and philosophize all day about money.

Interviewer: What do you philosophize about?

Economist: How the system works and how to keep it working.

Interviewer: Why?

Economist: So that we can keep on top of it and profit thereby.

Interviewer: But who does the actual work to keep it going?

Economist: The working class and their managers.

Interviewer: Why do they get stuck with all the hard work?

Economist: Because they can't philosophize.

Interviewer: Why not?

Economist: They don't have any time, energy or intention after working hard all day. Plus they don't have the overview of the situation.

Interviewer: How do you get an overview?

Economist: View the situation from above, like from a penthouse.

Interviewer: An ivory tower, you might say.

Economist: You might.

Interviewer: What things in particular do you philosophize about?

Economist: Oh, the bull and bear markets and how to ride them to your advantage, the interplay of foreign markets with ours, the effects of labor and raw materials upon the costs of commodities, the influence of political matters upon the economy and how to funnel as much of the economy to myself as possible.

Interviewer: I see. What you have to say of the present unemployment situation?

Economist: In these difficult times someone has to be sacrificed.

Interviewer: What about your highly paid position?

Economist: Oh, heavens! There is important philosophizing to do to get us out of this recession!

Interviewer: It didn't do much to prevent it!

Economist: We didn't see it coming.

Interviewer: Why not?

Economist: We were too busy philosophizing.

Interviewer: What if you were to go out and do some real work to get the economy going?

Economist: Oh gads! And get my hands dirty? How beastly! I have to keep my hands clean to type my important philosophical books. The world couldn't do without them!

Interviewer: I don't know if we could do with them either. Thank you and I now return you, the reading public, to our regularly scheduled pseudo-news.