Dazed and confused

Our son is 8 months old. I'm half black/half mexican and my wife is mexican. After having our son my wife has gone through her bouts with postpardum depression. She was having a tough time coming to terms with the fact that her son is a a quarter black and looks more like me then her.
She ended her therapy but would never want to talk to me about it. She then tells me she loves our son but feels different about me now because she feels judged by people because of how our son looks. By the way our son is a very handsom boy, she says shes scared to have more because she's scared they won't look like her. I'm do confused right now because I feel like I'm defending my ethnicity. I've done it before, but to defend it to my own wife?????? It could be the post ppd still because those thoughts just seem crazy. I'm do lost right now and worried we're headed down a road I definitely don't want to go down.

Our son is 8 months old. I'm half black/half mexican and my wife is mexican. After having our son my wife has gone through her bouts with postpardum depression. She was having a tough time coming to terms with the fact that her son is a a quarter black and looks more like me then her.
She ended her therapy but would never want to talk to me about it. She then tells me she loves our son but feels different about me now because she feels judged by people because of how our son looks. By the way our son is a very handsom boy, she says shes scared to have more because she's scared they won't look like her. I'm do confused right now because I feel like I'm defending my ethnicity. I've done it before, but to defend it to my own wife?????? It could be the post ppd still because those thoughts just seem crazy. I'm do lost right now and worried we're headed down a road I definitely don't want to go down.

That's really unfortunate... She knew your heritage and ethnicity when she married you and should've known that genetics are unpredictable. I wish I had advice for you, but all I can say is to give it time. If she continues to talk about it, make sure she understands how it makes you feel - be kind but firm with the fact that you are not okay with being talked down to that way.

That's really unfortunate... She knew your heritage and ethnicity when she married you and should've known that genetics are unpredictable. I wish I had advice for you, but all I can say is to give it time. If she continues to talk about it, make sure she understands how it makes you feel - be kind but firm with the fact that you are not okay with being talked down to that way.

I am a mixture of three lighter skinned races and my husband is black. Is it possible that your wife has had people make racist comments to her about your son?

I have an older adult DD that I adopted before I married my DH and she's got a 2-year-old and they're both white/black/native american (and his daddy is black)... I had dealt with issues where people would either make comments or give negative looks when my DD was younger so having learned my lesson, my husband and I had to make sure we live in an area and go to church that welcomes and loves families and children of mixed races. Since we're expecting, it is so important to us because we don't want our LO to have continual issues with racism. When my DD was younger I even had to move because of the issues when we didn't realize she'd have problems at her school with both students AND teachers.

It is possible that her PPD is causing the issues, but I would guess that it may be fueled by comments from family, friends or people she spends time with... on one of the other boards a woman was told by her mother that her baby that she was expecting would go to hell because he was mixed... and I had a grandmother who told me that she'd disown me if I continued to date my now husband (I told her that I would choose his love over her hatred)... so some people can be VERY wrong and VERY harsh in what they say and if your DW already has PPD, it could make it so much worse.

My DD also felt badly that her DS didn't 'look like her' so I along with other family took time to point out any features that he got from her and that seemed to help a bit (but it took a while)... he is now nearly 3 (he will be tomorrow) and she's okay with him not looking so much like her, all that matters to her now is that she's his mommy.

I am a mixture of three lighter skinned races and my husband is black. Is it possible that your wife has had people make racist comments to her about your son?

I have an older adult DD that I adopted before I married my DH and she's got a 2-year-old and they're both white/black/native american (and his daddy is black)... I had dealt with issues where people would either make comments or give negative looks when my DD was younger so having learned my lesson, my husband and I had to make sure we live in an area and go to church that welcomes and loves families and children of mixed races. Since we're expecting, it is so important to us because we don't want our LO to have continual issues with racism. When my DD was younger I even had to move because of the issues when we didn't realize she'd have problems at her school with both students AND teachers.

It is possible that her PPD is causing the issues, but I would guess that it may be fueled by comments from family, friends or people she spends time with... on one of the other boards a woman was told by her mother that her baby that she was expecting would go to hell because he was mixed... and I had a grandmother who told me that she'd disown me if I continued to date my now husband (I told her that I would choose his love over her hatred)... so some people can be VERY wrong and VERY harsh in what they say and if your DW already has PPD, it could make it so much worse.

My DD also felt badly that her DS didn't 'look like her' so I along with other family took time to point out any features that he got from her and that seemed to help a bit (but it took a while)... he is now nearly 3 (he will be tomorrow) and she's okay with him not looking so much like her, all that matters to her now is that she's his mommy.

One of the symptoms of post partum depression is feeling alienated from your child and feeling that you suddenly don't have a connection with them anymore, one that you had when they were inside you. Your wife's feelings of distance from her child may be compounded by the fact that when she looks at him she doesn't see herself in him. Try to understand that this may have absolutely nothing to do with your ethnicity and everything to do with her feelings of disconnect. If that's the case, be there for her and tell her you understand how hard this time can be, and you know that she loves your son. Read up on post partum depression and make sure she gets the help she needs. Untreated it can be dangerous for her and the baby. I hope this helps.

One of the symptoms of post partum depression is feeling alienated from your child and feeling that you suddenly don't have a connection with them anymore, one that you had when they were inside you. Your wife's feelings of distance from her child may be compounded by the fact that when she looks at him she doesn't see herself in him. Try to understand that this may have absolutely nothing to do with your ethnicity and everything to do with her feelings of disconnect. If that's the case, be there for her and tell her you understand how hard this time can be, and you know that she loves your son. Read up on post partum depression and make sure she gets the help she needs. Untreated it can be dangerous for her and the baby. I hope this helps.

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