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Busting Myths about Men and Sexual Abuse – Just the Facts, Man! 1in6 Thursdays on the Joyful Heart Foundation Blog

April 9, 2015

I learned long ago from the Frameworks Institute and others that repeating myths in an attempt to dispel them actually has the opposite effect. Restating a misunderstanding that is already deeply ingrained in our subconscious – even to say it’s not true – reinforces our incorrect belief.

1. Nineteen million adult men experienced sexual abuse

That’s right! 19 million adult men in United States had an unwanted or abusive sexual experience in childhood: 1 in every 6 men. So visualize it. At any single Final Four basketball game, if just half the fans in the stadium were males, (33,500 men), at least 5,500 of them were likely also to be survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Or, odds are, that of the 401 men in the U.S. Congress, at least 67 were sexually abused.

3. Sexual abuse of a boy is abuse…not sex. Both males and females abuse boys

When you think about sexual abuse of boys, focus on “abuse,” not “sex.” That helps us remember that the sexual orientation of neither the abusive person nor the boy who’s victimized is actually a factor in making the interaction abusive.

And research shows that most adult men who sexually abuse boys identify as heterosexual, and that many boys are abused by older girls and by adult women. Sexual interaction is just the mechanism for the abuse. The experience is actually one of betrayal of trust, though it sometimes takes men decades to understand and acknowledge that fact.

A boy’s sexual orientation is determined by factors unrelated to abuse. When a boy feels confused or ashamed about his sexual attractions, his secretive exploration may make him more vulnerable to abuse. But a boy’s sexual orientation is never the result or cause of sexual abuse. Remember, the dynamic in sexual abuse is about misuse of power, influence, intimidation – or just betrayal of that trust.

5. The vast majority of boys who experience sexual abuse never sexually abuse another person

While it is true that many people who sexually abuse children experienced physical, emotional or sexual abuse in childhood themselves, the reverse is not true. Very few of the millions of the boys and men who have experienced childhood sexual abuse, ever engage in abusive sexual interactions with others. The incorrect, but commonly-held belief that tells them otherwise is perhaps the single biggest hurdle for men who want to get help to heal from their childhood abuse. Unfortunately, if they and everyone they know mistakenly believes they’re doomed to repeat the abuse, the motivation to keep the secret tends to outweigh the deep need to get help.

6. Sexual abuse can impact boys’ lives profoundly

Acknowledging that boys are hurt by sexual abuse and deserve trauma-informed help to overcome the consequences in no way diminishes the acknowledgement of harm experienced by women or girls or the need to prevent sexual abuse of all children. Boys can be deeply impacted by sexual abuse: sometimes differently from girls, sometimes in very similar ways.

Peter Pollard is the Professional Relations & Communications Director for 1in6, Inc. Peter previously worked for 15 years as a state, child-protection social worker and was the Public Education director at Stop It Now! Since 2003, he has served as the Western Massachusetts coordinator for SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests) and also does work for a Certified Batterers Intervention Program. See Peter’s portrait in The Bristlecone Project exhibit.

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The mission of 1in6.org is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual
experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives. Our mission also includes serving
family members, friends, and partners by providing information and support resources on
the web and in the community.

1in6 would like to recognize the exceptional contributions of time and talent by Dr. Jim
Hopper in making this website possible.