Monday, October 31, 2016

Brevity is the Soul of Succinctness

Yes, after a one year hiatus I will be returning to the Philly Bike Expo--Philadelphia's premiere bike expo--where I will give a seminar!

I sure hope Seminar Room 107 has good acoustics.

Also, keep in mind that the first three rows will get wet, and all attendees will have to sign a waiver indemnifying both the Expo organizers and me in the event of any injury caused by (poorly) trained sea lions.

I may also give a live Fun Quiz to make up for the dearth of them on this blog of late. Rest assured that if I do administer such a quiz I'll bring prizes for the contestants. Some of the prizes will be valuable merchandise such as books and caps, and others will just be stuff I've got in the house, like low-wattage light bulbs and boxes of stale crackers. And if you don't win anything from me you can always try your luck again at the bike theft seminar:

Police say members of the Pagans and Hells Angels began fighting around noon on Sunday in the parking lot of the Pennysaver Amphitheater in Farmingville. Officers managed to break up the brawl and disperse the groups.Police say two people were taken to hospitals to be treated for injuries. No arrests have been made.Newsday reports a large puddle of blood could be seen on the ground after the fight.

I sure hope nobody broke a hip.

No mention either of whether or not the Satan's Helpers were involved, but it's always tragic to see blood spilled due to a violent outburst that could have been easily quelled by a man-child in giant shoes:

I'd also be lying if I said I didn't kind of want to see a bicycle gang brawl. Just imagine if a bunch of road weenies in Lycra showed up at Bike Kill on crabon Fred Sleds and they all got into a highly choreographed "West Side Story"-eque dust-up. In fact, I may attempt to adapt this idea for the stage, because it has the potential to be the next "Hamilton"--which in turn gives me a good casting idea:

Oo...the Philly bike expo.we went last year.lots of bikey stuff.sorry I missed it the year before.also made the trip to eastern state penitentiary.that was the agreement between wifey and myself.me..bike expo..she wanted to see the spooky jail.try the burger with peanut butter if they still have it at the urban spoon(?)

@ the expo I hope you make time to mention the importance if journaling, cause what could be more fun than riding? Yes creating journal entries about your steed. .76 grams of lube added to chain today.

I saw a Vanmoof in the wild this weekend! It was kind of like seeing a someone with too many piercings and things sticking out in places that aren't natural. And the built in chain lock kind of made it look like someone had disemboweled the bike. Maybe it was just an old Cannondale dressed up in a scary Halloween costume...

Just reading "Pennysaver Amphitheater", made coffee came out of my nostrils.

PS: Fox reports that the proposed Washington Mall Carlos Danger Amphitheater may not be built after all, something to the effect that the Clinton's are not in favor of it being visible from the White House.

Come gather 'round peopleWherever you Strava-lAnd admit that the SUVsAround you have are safer to travelAnd accept it that soonYou'll be crushed to the boneIf your best Strava time to youIs worth savin'Then you better start spendin'Or you'll be dropped like a stoneFor the Freds they are a-changin'

ZIMM RMAN

Read more: Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-changin' Lyrics | MetroLyrics

What exactly instigated this melee? Did two different groups of Long Island Society book their débutante balls for the Pennysaver Amphitheater for the same date? If yes, it's a shocking show of poor form!

Come writers and SnobsWho prophesize with your computersAnd keep your red eyes wideThe chance won't come to most commutersAnd don't speak too soonFor the wheel's still in spinAnd there's no tellin' whoThat it's namin'For the Dentists nowWill be later to winFor the times they are a-changin'

Read more: Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-changin' Lyrics | MetroLyrics

The Philly Bike Expo is great fun. It's good to hang w Snobby in person at these types of things vs. me rolling up at the end of a punch line at a Fondon't because I am too damm slow and fat and non gravelle compliant.

And no that anyone gives a flying pair of Deez Nutz but I tested the slow to no speed capabilities of Citi Bike Miami Saturday. My Strava says "dude, you turned me on for this!??"

So there I was looking for something less than a $50 lunch in Downtown Miami, actually I wanted to get some GNC goodies up 8th Street. So I waved my CitiBike NYC key to no avail (It's managed by Deco Bikes or something like that). I did the non member credit card thing and schlepped and putzed around from 14th St and Brickell Ave to here and there and GNC and returned the thing. If you look towards the south / south east there is a nice arched roadway bridge that goes to Virginia Key and Key Biscayne. I wanted to ride my fat self on that thing. Plus maybe I'd go to Key Biscayne to say I went to the Keys. Put $10 for 2 hours and rode down to the bridge. For a little stretch it's like Broad Channel and the Cross Bay Boulevard Bridge in Queens but higher and with palm trees and pelicans. Heading south east I was going into a 30 mph headwind and huffing and puffing up this thing. Took a bunch of pictures. Could not enjoy the downhill as I could not escape the sit up and beg positioning. Looked around at the Rusty Pelican Restaurant and marina area. Was happily surprised as there were no alarms going off as I rode over "crushed stone", more commonly referred to as gravel. I took a picture of this exploit and here I live to tell the tale. There were no anti gravel advisories in the rental agreement so on I went, then over a patch of grass to head northward. Wind at my back, practically being pushed up hill. Then downhill. Nice 34mph but I just didn't feel comfortable on this thing going that fast. Returned to a bike dock near the hotel with a bunch of grey sky pictures. I am ashamed at my distance, speed, average speed, lack of speed, etc. With all that out of the way, I thought the Miami CitiBike was lighter, had better gearing (than both the Serotta and earlier NYC bikes), and had skinnier tires. It wasn't as laterally stiff and vertically chained to the ground as the NY CitiBike judging by feeling down the bridge. For neighborhood messing around and errands etc, I thought the Miami bike was a bit faster (I hate saying a bike is fast, let's just say the same person would have an advantage on the southern bike vs. the NYC).

Come State Secretaries, orange assholesPlease heed the callDon't stand in the bike lanesDon't break up my ballsFor he that gets hurtWill be he who is baldThere's a battle outside ragin'It'll soon shake your HyundaisAnd rattle your scranusFor the times they are a-changin'

I know Key Biscayne well. It also happens to be a major Fred route (they wear long sleeves and tights when it's like 70)--though I don't think you'd find anyone who would say it counts as a visit to the Keys.

I visited Key Biscayne too once in the fall or winter. I don't recall the temperature, but I played golf in short sleeves and only wore a light jacket when it got cooler. On Saturday and Sunday, the Rickenbacker Causeway was a flotilla of Fred processions. It's true what Snob says. They all had gloves, winter jackets, tights, booties and balaclavas. What we would wear for a ride in the middle of winter when it is 20 degrees Amurcan or lower.

VSK -- A couple of years ago, my credit card had charges from Miami's Bike Share. Seems my dog had been traveling. The bike charges were reasonable, but you wouldn't believe what the Fontainebleau charges for room service.

I a world where so many feel qualified to comment at great length on almost any subject it's touching that Mr Dylan feels unqualified to judge weather his ovre is Homeresque...And on another note,reading the link about those petty bourgeois motorcycle enthusiasts, it seems the Pagans keep getting the wrong end of the stick in their encounters with the Angels

I spurted some cheez whiz on some non-gluten bread-like product, and I'm sure that a visage of Jesus was made manifest in the spread. Should I make public this miracle so a pilgrimage of believers seeking cures of what ails them shall come flocking, or should I just chow down on lunch? Yum. Jesus tastes good.

Today's NYT Front Page, picture of the Clinton's with the Trump's at one of the Donald's numerous weddings (wife #2, or 3, or 4, or...who can keep track of the number of families that family values party members have?)

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!