Monday, November 28, 2011

Today we've got another entry in the everlasting plethora of my Disney collection. Now, submitted for your approval, here is The Story of The Love Bug!

In the film The Love Bug, a washed-up race car driver, Jim Douglas and his pal Tennessee stumble upon a Volkswagen bug named Herbie in a fancy European car showroom, run by the horrible, evil, murdering, villainous monster El Guap… I mean, Mr. Thorndyke! Apparently this car has a mind of its own and follows Jim home! They discover that he is incredibly fast for a tiny car, purchase him from Mr. Thorndyke, and decide to enter him into a race! When Mr. Thorndyke hears of this, he decides that he wants Herbie back, and will do anything to make that happen! And, just as usual, hilarity ensues. God, I love that phrase.

The movie spawned four sequels (including the Lindsay Lohan one, yuck), as well as a 5-episode TV spin-off and a made-for-TV remake starring Bruce Campbell.

Like the The Story of Blackbeard's Ghost before it, the album The Story of The Love Bug is narrated by a character from the movie. This time, it's narrated by Buddy Hackett as his character Tennessee! Although they are similar, it is very different from the Blackbeard's Ghost record, as this has newly recorded dialogue not performed by any of the other original actors from the film. Oh well. They can't all be winners.

Now, unlike the movie which is fun and hilarious, this record is kind of awkward and just plain weird. The guy who plays Dean Jones' character in the original film sounds nothing like him, and obviously doesn't get that the character is supposed to be a little neurotic. You know, kind of like every Dean Jones character.

In another odd choice, the guy who was cast as the villainous British guy Mr. Thorndyke was the super All-American Dallas McKennon. He is probably best known as the voice of the safety spiel on the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad Disney attraction, as well as Gumby and Pokey! In this record, he plays Mr. Thorndyke completely unlike David Tomlinson, and almost as a version of Dick Dastardly from Wacky Races. Although strange, it's kind of entertaining, considering this story has a lot of Wacky Races-esque situations.

Confusingly, the narration by the usually hyper and humorous Buddy Hackett is really really really really strange and kind of lethargic. It even borders along creepy at times. Especially the last line of the record. Sends shivers down my spine… blechhhh.

And last but not least, what would something from the 1960s be without some politically incorrect humor?! The portrayal of the Chinese character Mr. Woo, who ends up owning Herbie halfway through the story, is incredibly revolting, and probably pretty racist too. Eeeeek.

Now, onto the good, non-racisty stuff!!

One of the coolest things about these story records is that a handful of them include story books attached to them! The Story of The Love Bug is one of those, and has 11 pages full of super groovy art! It's bright and colorful, and does a great job capturing the scenes from the movie.

Now, please enjoy the laughter, love, and lexcitement (I couldn't think of another "L" word) of The Story of The Love Bug! And remember my friends, when buying a used car, always look under the hood for whipped cream.

In a fearless demonstration of fortitude, our hero the Gooney Bird soars in the air, and right down in front of the van! The plundering poachers are surprised to see our friend, and take chase. He's worth a bundle! (SCREE!)

They swerve through the palm trees, faster and faster, when, without warning, the van drops down into a gigantic, pink hole in a calamitous catastrophe!! (SKRUNCH!)

The Gooney Bird has won the fight! The lion is free! Our silly smugglers fell into their own trap!

And that, my friends, is the story of the Gooney Bird.

Now, pass in your Algebra homework.

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Sunday, November 20, 2011

There's no real way to describe Zingers from the Hollywood Squares. Just as the title says, it includes actual zingers from the Hollywood Squares TV show. You know, back in the early 1970s it was a novel idea to name an album, and then fill it with content that actually matches the title. It was a brilliant concept.

This album is pretty dang funny, and why shouldn't it be? Look at all the hilarious people that are on this thing!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Once in a lifetime, a T-Shirt comes along and changes your whole view of the world. Time seems to go by a little slower, the sun shines a little brighter, bacon tastes baconier - everything's just going your way!

The story's always the same. You were searching in the $4 bin of your local Goodwill, sifting through all the AYSO, little league, church picnic, and "Proud to be an American" shirts, when all of a sudden, you find it. The second you see it, you know - this is the one. You know now that you are the luckiest person in the world.

For me, this is that shirt.

This is the Sonny Bono "I Want You Babe" T-Shirt, and it is the greatest T-Shirt ever made. Period.

As you can see, it is a campaign shirt for Sonny Bono's run for mayor of Palm Springs, which is what launched his political career where he was eventually elected to the US House of Representatives. Apparently he decided to run for mayor because he was annoyed that the city wouldn't allow him to put a sign on his newly-opened restaurant.

If I've ever heard a reason to run for mayor, that sure is it.

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Unfortunately, I have grown out of this shirt. It gave me 3 wonderful years of chest-covering service, but it saddens me that I'll never, ever get to wear this shirt ever again...

So, I'm going to frame it. No, really. I am.

Oh, and here's a video of Sonny & Cher visiting the infamous 60s Hollywood nightclub, The Haunted House! You know... from the greatest movie ever, Girl in Gold Boots! YEAH!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Today's record is the perfectly splendiferous, This is Your...Princess Adventure. Unfortunately, this record isn't about another treacherous trip with Cinderella, gosh darn it. It's almost better though, because, as you can plainly see, this is a document of YOUR Princess Cruise Adventure! Hey! Cruises are awesome! They're like a big floating buffet!

There is no doubt that you partook in the all of the activities offered to you by the cruise line - the casino, the lounge singers, jackpot Bingo, dance lessons, London pub night, the midnight buffet, the nightlife entertainment, the captain's cocktail party, and most importantly, skeet shooting!

Now, I've been on 3 cruises, but not ONE of them has given me the option of shooting things that are catapulted off the ship. The only activities I've been offered are shuffleboard and ping pong. I demand more guns!!

Anyways, this record is tons of fun, and it features a bunch of the strange and bizarre second-rate cruise entertainment. From my personal experience, ALL Cruise entertainment is super weird, yet delightfully fun! For example, the last time I was on a cruise there was a mariachi band playing Katy Perry songs. That's why you pay the big bucks for these fancy cruises.

As it says on the cover, this is a souvenir "LIVE" recording of your entire Princess Cruise! I'd really love to know why the word "LIVE" is in quotation marks. It says on the back that it is "actually recorded live onboard". So… is it really live, or is it just "LIVE"? Hey Princess Cruises, I NEED to know.

And, just as it's described, this deep and moving album truly is the perfect recording to share your Princess Cruise adventure with your loved ones at home. Now, find your muster station, sit back, relax, put this album on the phonograph, and enjoy vacationing vicariously through other people's 1977 Princess Adventure!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

We find ourselves here, in a familiar terrain. A place where dreams do come true, and even when they don't, at least they've got free pizza. If you didn't guess already, the place of which I'm referring to is the vault of the Kenner Give-a-Show Slide Collection! Woooo!

Tonight, we find ourselves in a high-flying tale of terrificness, starring the one and only Daffy Duck in "Imprudent Student". Brilliant.

Our story begins at Daffy's Flying School, where Daffy is taking Elmer Fudd on his first lesson. Considering Elmer could never figure out whether to shoot Daffy or Bugs, this is a gigantic step in their duck/man relationship.

When they get off the ground and into the wild pink yonder, Daffy begins explaining the 3 important rules of flying - "First, always keep your hands on the controls".

Of course, in true cartoony fashion, Elmer turns his head with not enough time to hear and respond the second rule of flying - "always watch where you're going".

Oh no! He's going down! (RRRRRRR)

Then, SCRONK! Uh oh. He didn't follow the third rule of flying - Never land in a tree.

And that's why you don't let off-model cartoon ducks open up flying schools.

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Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Now, back to your regularly scheduled program. That is, if your program includes another heart-wrenching installment of the Kenner Give-a-Show Slide collection! It does? Well then, you're in luck, because that is exactly why I'm here!

In this tragic tale of terror, we find Yosemite Sam, looking a little redder than usual, racing through the desert on a tiny horse, ready for a showdown with that rabbit! You know, these slide comic cartoon characters really need to start wearing more sunscreen.

He arrives at the saloon, and finds his nemesis, Bugs Bunny! (dun dun dunnnnn… the plot thickens!) Apparently, Bugs has hit his head or eaten some bad carrots or something, because he obviously thinks Yosemite Sam's is a king, and calls him "sire".

Oh no! It's time for a showdown!

Well, Yosemite Sam decides it's time to make Bugs dance by shooting at his feet, which makes Bugs jump for joy as he challenges Sam to a dance-off. Ohhhhhhhhh snap!