SHPBUSTERS: Best Bathroom at SHP

Love it or hate every human has to go to the bathroom. Considering the fact that a student at SHP spends around a ⅓ of their time in the average 7 day week at school there’s a good chance that you’ll have to go to the bathroom at school. The average students takes 3 dumps and sixteen urination breaks during this time period . As you can see the bathroom qualities should always be taken seriously therefore we have to take an in depth look at this problem. We feel that this is a moral obligation as quad writers to provide our readers with only the best information regarding alleviation. We have collected numerous accounts and statistics to assist us in ranking Sacred Heart Prep Atherton’s best bathrooms!!! Ok, imagine this, you just at brunch and feel your stomach start to crunch, we recommend you look into Homer first floor or Homer second floor. The distance to travel to this bathroom is very short incase you need to dispose of your waste quickly. The overall cleanliness is a 3 out of 5, the floors tend to be a little tacky but other than that it’s pretty clean. Both these bathrooms rank at a 5 out of 5 for socialness, if you go into this bathroom you best bet yourself that you’re going to have a convo with someone. Many things were included in coming to this conclusion, such as poop or pee, privacy issues, convenience, quality of tp, etc.

To start off, we have the worst bathroom at SHP. This bathroom is small, lacks privacy and is just straight up gross. The name of this hideous thing? Sigall bathroom. If you’ve ever had a class in Sigall after lunch, you know that this place is not the go to for a #2. If possible, we highly suggest you avoid this bathroom.

Coming in at a close second to last we have the first floor main building bathroom. While we believe that this bathroom has significant improvements from Sigall, senior Jack Crockett picked it as his least favorite. We disagree with Jack as we recognize how much cleaner and private Main is in comparison to Sigall. Still, if you’re in main and you don’t take the time to go up to second or third floor, you are making a mistake.

Coming in at third to last we have the bathroom on second floor main. This bathroom is formidable and lacks some of the great qualities we see in our higher ranked bathrooms. If you’re in main however, and don’t feel like going to third floor, you should feel safe on the second floor. There is always the fear of having an awkward interaction with a teacher in this bathroom though. Catching your next period teacher in the bathroom before class is NOT what you like to see.

In third place winning our bronze medal for best bathrooms at SHP is first floor of Homer. This bathroom is a social playground. While it is not always the place you want to be to do your business, it is always a good time in there. As Jack Crockett (‘18) puts it, “there’s always boys in there”. Also, there is a guarantee not to have an awkward teacher interaction due to the faculty bathroom across the way.

Winning our silver medal is third floor main. Some of you must be wondering how this legendary bathroom is ranked at number 2. While big stall third floor main is that of legend for a #2, we believe that there is one bathroom which tops it. This being said, third floor main checks all the boxes for an ideal bathroom. The only downside is the mass numbers of bodies that have now entered that large stall. Even with this in mind, you can never go wrong with third floor main.

Finally, our gold medal winner is the family restroom of Campbell basement. This bathroom is the most immaculate piece of work we have ever seen. Virtually unused and very remote, this bathroom is the ultimate destination for your bathroom adventures. I mean this place is so clean you could eat your lunch off the floor (please don’t attempt to do this). An experience in the family bathroom basement of Campbell will change your life.