PEOPLE fuelling their addiction to crisps ended up bagging big surprises this week after trips to Tesco stores across Liverpool.

At the Old Swan Tesco on St Oswalds Street, Ashley Lombard was stopped by a flash mob of people dressed up as airline pilots and holidaymakers at the checkout. They presented her with a trip to Majorca. The only cost-a was a packet of Walkers.

Ashley was buying a multi-bag of crisps on her way to visit a friend and said: “I go out to get a few things and I come back with a holiday from Tesco and Walkers!?… Who’s going to believe that?”

At the Tesco on Myrtle Street, Jonathan Owens was also shocked when he was handed a holiday to Crete after his girlfriend slipped a cheeky bag of cheese and onion into his basket.

Jonathan who was on his lunch from the university, said: “I can’t believe I’ve won something like this, I didn’t even realise she (his girlfriend) had put the bag of crisps in the basket. Perhaps from now on I should let her buy what she wants when we go shopping.”

The prizes were part of the Unexpected Holiday in Bagging Area competition being run jointly by Tesco and Walkers.

All the nice girls love a pilot and Lesley Davies (below) got more than she bargained for when the same Old Swan guy stepped out of her Tesco home delivery van with more than a packet of Ready Salted rustling in his hand: a trip to Budapest in fact.

A Nebraska woman is suing every gay person on Earth and asking a federal judge to rule on whether homosexuality is a sin.

Sylvia Driskell, 66, describes herself as an ambassador of “God, And His, Son Jesus Christ [sic]” and will serve as her own lawyer in Driskell v. Homosexuals, NBC News reports. In her seven-page petition, written entirely in cursive, Driskell doesn’t reference any case laws for U.S. District Judge John M. Gerrard to consider, but she does quote the Bible and Webster’s Dictionary.

“I never thought that I would see a day in which our great nation or our own great state of Nebraska would become so compliant to the complicity of some people[’s] lewd behavior,” writes Driskell, who says “that homosexuality is a sin and that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in the closet.”

Gay activist and columnist Dan Savage, one of the many millions of people being sued, has signaled he’d be willing to take the stand:

The frontman of the novelty Europop act Black Lace has revealed that he was forced to repeatedly sing his group's most famous song for his fellow inmates while serving a recent prison sentence.

Dene Michael Betteridge, who was an official member of the still-active pop group between 1987 and 1991, recently served 10 weeks of a six-month sentence at HMP Leeds after fraudulently claiming £25,000 in benefits.

Betteridge, who received an early release on condition that he wear an electronic tag, has now spoken of his experience in prison, revealing that his fellow inmates besieged him with requests to perform Black Lace's 1984 single 'Agadoo'.

Speaking to The Sun, Betteridge confessed that he found the inmates' requests to be "very odd."

"But these terrifying criminals tell you to do something you do it, so we had a conga of convicts snaking around the jail," he explained. "They all seemed to find it hilarious and everyone joined in. It lifted the gloom somewhat. All the murderers and drug dealers wanted to be my mate.”

"It was all the time, everyone wanted to sing 'Agadoo' with me. It was surreal singing the party song about pushing pineapples and shaking the tree in such grim circumstances, but people were obsessed. At night when we were all in our cells, the entire wing was singing in chorus: ‘Agadoo doo doo’. I thought the prison officers would be angry but they found it hilarious."

The 59-year-old had been claiming disability benefits after claiming that he couldn't walk and required a carer, despite giving live performances as Black Lace that involved “vigorous physical activity” on stage. He also auditioned on The Voice, while last year he appeared in a Walker's advert alongside Gary Lineker.

We must stop our obsession with wet wipes before it comes back to haunt us

JEMIMA LEWIS, Telegraph, 27 October 2016

Water companies have called this week for wet wipes and other hygiene products that do not dissolve to be labelled as "non-flushable", to prevent them building up so-called fatbergs that can block sewers. In a piece originally published in June, Jemima Lewis says that our over-dependence on wet wipes and the instant hygiene they offer is a modern morality tale

Last year, for a half-term treat, my sister and I took the kids on an outing to a sewage farm. The Mogden Sewage Works, in the suburbs of west London, throws open its doors to the public every now and then,presumably as an exercise in “community outreach” (ie mollifying the neighbours, who have to live with the smell).

Legoland it may not be, but it’s free and educational, and the children loved peering into the swirling vats of poo. At the end of the tour, one of the plant workers pressed a small bottle of something called Freshu (“a revolutionary new gel that turns toilet tissue into a moist wipe”) into my hand. “Wet wipes are evil,” he said, fixing me with the penetrating look of a pastor who senses a lost sheep in his flock. “Please, if you need extra moistness, use this instead.”

Forgive me, Thames Water, for I have sinned. I never meant to become a wet wipe addict. At first, they were just for wiping the babies’ bottoms. Then the babies’ faces. Then the entire surrounding area: table, high chair, floor, porridge-splattered walls. And as soon as you’ve tried cleaning a wall with a wet wipe, you’re hooked.

Donald Trump says he will use his presidency to curtail the real and present threat posed by singing theatre groups in period costume.

In a speech today, the president-elect vowed to make America strong again. “When an aide told me that ISIS was planning future attacks and that Mike pence was booed at the theatre, I did what any strong leader would do. I asked, ‘which theatre?'”

He said he had a plan to stop further attacks, but that it was secret. “I’m not going to just tell the enemy my plan. But mark my words: never again will we be subjected to shock and sheer terror of being teased by a man in period costume. Not on my watch”.

Leaked intelligence papers point to another performance from the group, possibly as soon as tonight.

Donald Trump says he will use his presidency to curtail the real and present threat posed by singing theatre groups in period costume.

In a speech today, the president-elect vowed to make America strong again. “When an aide told me that ISIS was planning future attacks and that Mike pence was booed at the theatre, I did what any strong leader would do. I asked, ‘which theatre?'”

He said he had a plan to stop further attacks, but that it was secret. “I’m not going to just tell the enemy my plan. But mark my words: never again will we Be subjected to shock and sheer terror of being teased by a man in period costume. Not on my watch”.

Leaked intelligence papers point to another performance from the group, possibly as soon as tonight.

The Michigan Department of Agriculture and Rural Development (MDARD) has filed a complaint with the Livingston County Circuit Court asking that the court order the destruction of, among other foods, 18 homemade oatmeal cookies and 17 homemade apple muffins.1 MDARD seized the cookies, muffins, and other foods during a September 1, 2016 raid of Dairy Delight Cow Boarding, LLC, a herd share dairy farm owned and operated by Kris Unger in CohoctahTownship.2

FTCLDF members have been subject to food seizures since the organization’s inception, but just about all of the seizures have been of either meat or dairy products; the enforcement action at Dairy Delight marks the first seizure of baked goods. The Unger case is great testimony for why a legal distinction needs to be established between the public and private distribution of food and why government agencies should leave the private distribution of food alone.

As the race for the General Election 2017 marches on, Iain Duncan Smith surprised viewers of ‘Good Morning Britain’ today, when he rapped a verse of Eminem‘s ‘Lose Yourself’ to attack Diane Abbott.

The Conservative politician, formerly leader of the part Work And Pensions Secretary, appeared on ITV to take aim at the Labour MP for her disastrous radio interview last week in which she fluffed her speech when discussing police funding.

“Can we just take a moment because, just in the break there, one of the most iconic cultural moments I think I’ve ever experienced on this sofa,” said presenter Piers Morgan, intoducing the Tory politician. “Ian Duncan Smith, perhaps the last person that you’d expect to know this, was talking about a message for Diane Abbott, which was when he began reciting lyrics from Eminem.”

Smith replied: “I said that his ‘Lose Yourself lyrics’ are some lyrics for Diane Abbott. “It’s halfway down and he says: ‘He opens his mouth but the words don’t come out. He’s choking now and the clock’s run out.'”

Why not, eh? Why not marry a train station if that's what your heart truly desires?

Some people love men. Some love women. Some love both. And some - or to be accurate, one person - is head-over-heels in love with a railway station.

45-year-old Carol says she's been smitten with Santa Fe station in California since she was a young girl, and so decided to make her relationship with the place official.

The nuptials have not been officially recognised by the government, but Carol says she and the station tied the knot nearly 18 months ago, and they have been very happily wed ever since.

"When we got married, I stood there and I told her that I take it as my partner," says Carol, who calls the station 'Daidra'. "It was the happiest day of our lives."

She visits the station every day, travelling 45 minutes by bus to visit her spouse.

"When I get there I say hello to her - I then walk around the block circling around her, trying not to let anyone notice I am talking," she says.

"There is a private bit where two walls meet, I go there to touch her, which I do by leaning against her with my clothes on.

"When I'm touching her, I feel as though it actually holds me and kisses me. I don't have physical sex with the station in public, I want to be respectful.

"I wouldn't do that with a human in public so why would I do it in this case?"

Carol identifies as 'Objectum-Sexual', a form of sexuality focused on specific inanimate objects. The term was first coined by Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, a Swedish woman who claimed to be "married" to the Berlin Wall from 1979 until her death in 2015.

In 2008 an American woman named Arika made headlines after "marrying" the Eiffel Tower. She later founded the organisation OS Internationale, for others who identify as Objectum-Sexual.

There are thought to be around 40 OS woman in the world, many of who also have Asperger's Syndrome.

According to psychotherapist Jerry Brooker, OS women are motivated by a need for control.

"Someone who falls in love with objects can control that relationship on their own terms," he told the makers of a documentary om the subject. "Their objects will not let them down. That is extremely attractive for a person who is otherwise often desperately lonely."

A mother allegedly spat in an elf’s face and verbally abused others at a shopping centre Christmas grotto.

Calling the incident "horrendous", Karen Eve, manager of Castlegate Shopping Centre in Stockton-on-Tees told The Independent that the woman had taken exception to the fact that other parents had been allowed in front of her child.

"We were giving them priority because it was autism hour," she said, adding that lights and noises are lowered for children during that time.

Told that she would have to wait, she said the woman started abusing the elf, before she spat at her.

Quote:

It’s absolutely abhorrent that anyone would spit in the face of one of the elves,' police say