Tuesday, July 07, 2015

Because the THERE WILL BE WAR covers by Lars - with a typology assist from JartStar and Chris - are awesome, we've had several requests for wallpapers based on them. So, without further ado, here they are at 1600x1000 resolution; just click on the smaller image to load the full one. I have to confess that while Vol. II is my favorite of the four anthologies we've released so far, Vol. IV is my favorite cover.

And, of course, you'll no doubt want to pick up copies of the newly released Volume III and Volume IV too.

I felt an electric current running through my smartphone, as if billions of tiny nanites were invading my skin.

My five-o'-clock shadow suddenly sprouted into a full beard, thick and wiry and red like Thor's.

Then I noticed my left hand was transmogrifying into a plasma cannon and my very bones seemed to harden as if being infused by adamantium. It briefly hurt like molten lava pouring through my veins and arteries. At this point, I became slightly concerned.

As I strode through the office seeking the first aid kit, a pair of mechs dropped through the ceiling with a frightening clang. Ignoring the cloud of dust, my newly augmented vision tagged them on IR as ED-309's - the newest urban pacification models from OCP.

"Groovy", I said.

In a metallic, lisping voice, the first ED-309 barked an order for me to drop my weapon and surrender, so I shot a pulse of superheated plasma and it exploded in a gout of fire and rivets.

The second droid immediately opened up on me with its chin-mounted chaingun. An extended brrrrrrrrrrrpppp! of 7.62mm tore up the carpet tiles and motivational posters as it targeted me.

Thankfully, it couldn't elevate the barrel high enough as my bionic legs ran me up a wall and along the ceiling tiles towards the mechanical monster.

It switched to HE grenades and tore massive burning holes in the roof, so I was forced to dive down and under my robotic assailant.

As it flailed around, enormous titanium feet trying to locate and stomp me, I punched it with the force of an atomic god-fist, and it crumpled and fell over.

Under the sound of broken servos twitching and whining, my enhanced hearing picked up a human heartbeat, so I ripped apart its metal exoskeleton with my teeth.

Inside, there was a pale, blinking, cringing figure wearing a green velvet dress.

"Scalzi!", I exclaimed, for it was him.

He jutted out his pudgy jaw and tried to sound defiant.

"Fuck you, Steve, you douchecanoe! You just killed Jim C. Hines! Do you know how many Jim C. Hines fans will be coming for you now? Literally tens!"

Now that he mentioned it, the other ED-309 had smelled faintly of rohypnol and piss. Classic Hinesey.

"You forgot one thing about the Evil Legion of Evil, Scalzi!", I said, as my charging plasma-cannon arm crackled with violet electrical arcs of pure energy.

"What's that?" he croaked.

"We. Don't. Care." I roared, blasting a hole in the nearest wall.

Then I hoisted the skirty-man as if he were a rag doll and threw him out of the building.

"Aiiieeeee!" he screamed. "I'llll beeeee baaaaacckk!" But he was already a green speck rapidly disappearing into the sky.

"I'll be ready," I replied, as I stalked away to find some boobsome young women to impregnate.

For myself, seeing #4, I have the same feelings I had when the aliens blew up the Clinton WH in Independence Day. The liberals still do not understand our feelings of joy after seeing that scene.That is how I picture San Fransicko after the events of the past couple of weeks. Pure satisfaction.

Wow, those are stunning. I'm generally not a fan of wallpapers (I prefer a neutral background) but I'll have to make an exception for these. It reminds me of when I was a kid 30 years ago, sketching giant spaceships over future cities / planets.

Really like the backgrounds - thank you, Lord Day. Was delighted to see that Volumes 3 & 4 are now available - immediately Amazoned them.BTW: Steve? Your office dilemma had me laughing out loud, and that doesn't happen often.