Kate Winslet has been doing a lot of press for her upcoming film “Revolutionary Road” with Leonard DiCaprio. She recently admitted that she left her ex-boyfriend, actor Stephen Tredre, when he was dying of bone cancer. Winslet said he broke up with her because he was afraid she was ruining her career by taking care of him. He died before he got to see Kate make it big – right before the premiere of “Titanic.”

Kate Winslet regrets abandoning her dying ex-boyfriend – even though he told her to. Winslet dated actor and writer Stephen Tredre for five years, until he ended their romance in 1997 – fearing her fledgling Hollywood career would suffer if she spent her days caring for him.

After Winslet finished filming Titanic, Tredre died of bone cancer. Kate was not at the premier of blockbuster because she instead attended his funeral in London. But Kate wishes never agreed to Stephen’s wishes.

The actress – who is now married to director Sam Mendes – explains, “Stephen let me go, and that as an act of love from one human being to another was overwhelming.
“When I look back, I wish he hadn’t. I wish I had just been there. To the bitter end. He was gone very quickly and – I still go over those moments in my head.

“I talk about Stephen as if I still love him. But I do. I hope I always will.

“You don’t (get over a death), you learn to live with it. I look back on it… and I still get upset when I talk about it.”

What a heartbreaking story. It doesn’t sound like Kate “abandoned” Stephen so much as he wanted to do what was best for her, and she went with it. Clearly she’s still upset about her decision, but it seems like she’s chosen to look at it in the right light, in terms of it being an amazingly unselfish act on Stephen’s part. I think you could only do something like that if you truly, profoundly loved a person. Nonetheless, I don’t blame her for feeling guilty. It’s hard to match the kind of gift Stephen gave her, and her career really has blossomed. Hopefully Kate will eventually forgive herself – it sounds heartbreaking, and like they both deeply loved each other.

Here’s Kate at the New York premiere of ‘The Reader’at the Ziegfield Theater in New York on December 3rd. Images thanks to WENN.

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Her face looks very different. I know that she’s aged since Titanic but it really is amazing how she looks like a completely different person. Her face is much more narrow it seems. Has she lost that much weight?

the guy probably just wanted to make a gesture and expected her to say no darling, i’ll stay by your side… who would honestly say they wouldn’t want a loved one around while they’re dying? kinda surprises me that she would actually take off… she has such a wholesome image or whatever…

it’s kind of funny how someone’s likeability effects people’s opinions. tom cruise jumps on a couch and madonna has some arm veins, and people want to rip them apart. kate winslet left a dying loved one, and everyone thinks it’s perfectly alright…

I think that’s a lovely story. It’s heartbreaking and beautiful.
I believe he did mean what he said, and wanted her to be happy.
If he was just saying that insincerely that would make him kind of a jackass. If you really love someone you don’t hold them hostage.

yeah you guys are nuts… you don’t leave someone you love who is dying no matter what they say… can you even imagine the scenerio?

secondly, no one who is dying wouldn’t appreciate having a loved one around.. everyone’s living in lala land here…

how is it holding them hostage? isn’t that why you have friends and family and loved ones around for… because they are there when you’re going through all those rough times… that hostage analogy is really sad… if my mother were dying, i’d be there by her bedside and i wouldn’t consider it being “held hostage” as i’m sure she did not wish for that to happen… people don’t get sick to cramp your social life…and i hope you guys would stick around at least for a little while if someone you loved was dying…

Christina – I think that it is more than jumping and vein popping. The behavior of Tom and Madonna is at play here, both over the top cultish and both very controlling due to HUGE insecurities. And Madonna, such a hypocrit, peddling sex to our kids all the while controlling every little media outlet that her children might consume so as not to be corrupted by people like herself. As I have stated in other posts about Madonna, she is now the sum of her body parts and she has no one else to blame for that due to her self promotion through her shock value laden “music” performances.

About Kate, time will tell how her public persona will do now that she has gone public with this.

Christina – I think that for some people it is unthinkable to be ‘watched’ declining to death by their loved ones. Especially your young and beautiful girlfriend.
In fact, I’ve seen it happen myself that those destined to die would rather go through it alone (well, with parents). So there might have been that factor as well.

Although I don’t presume to know each person;’s experience with terminal illness, but I can say that each situation is different and each terminally ill person is different. My reading of the situation and what I remember from back them was that he was diagnosed with cancer, she went to film Titanic, they spit up (for whatever reason) and he died quite suddenly from his illness.

Some people get clingy, some push people away thinking it will be easier on those left behind not to see them suffer or help them cope with death quicker. Some very deliberately hang on until all family members are around them, others seemingly deliberately pass when they are alone without any “fuss”

I understand where some of you are coming from, after all John McCain was criticised for leaving his ill first wife. So perhaps she should have stayed by his side (with his and his family’s blessing), but seeing as we don’t know the dynamic within the family at that time I am loath to see it as anything other than a sad story.

For the record, I come from a culture where death is definitely not hidden away and as I studied archaeology I’m certainly not sanitized to it in any way.

I in no way want to tie my kids or grand children to me when I am dying. There is no reason for anyone to have to sit there and watch me die. Get opver yourselves. Her boyfriend probably felt like I feel. Let me die in peace and do not suufer sitting there watching someone you love die. If he told her to get out she had no choice but to do just that, you do not aggrivate a dying person by arguing with them about their wishes.

You completely twisted my words around, Christina. Whatever.
I believe this man loved Kate enough that he didn’t want her to miss her career opportunities. You said he was “probably just saying that” and didn’t really want her to go. I disagree.

For my part, I think I would prefer to be alone, just in case seeing my death traumatised my loved ones. I would certainly not demand they drop what they were doing and gather around me.
And I would respect the wishes of other dying loved ones, whatever they may be.

despite what the guy TRULY wanted… (and i still think he’d appreciate company on his deathbed… but let’s neglect that fact)… what she SHOULD have done was stay by his side…

i swear, sometimes i think i’m living in wachytown cuz everybody’s nuts… i study physics so maybe i’m a littlee more prone to logic than most… but sometimes the way people think just boggles the mind… i can read an article about someone making an innocent comment and it can be blown sooooooo out of proportion that people are calling for heads on sticks… but someone leaves a sick loved one and it’s like “awww, it’s ok… it’s kate”

wtf is wrong with the world….

i’m just sayin… if you love me and you leave me when i’m dying… i’m gonna seriously doubt you ever loved me and probably end up hating you in return… unless some of you here aren’t human, i don’t see how you can logically react any other way…

you people are sad. in my culture, if a family member is dying, you’re THERE with them… even if you hated that person… you show up and you show your support… it’s not tying anyone down… it’s showing RESPECT! sorry if your loved ones death is cramping your social life but you’ll find time to party later….

well when my uncle was dying, his parents and siblings were with him, but when i went to visit him, he didn’t really want me to there. He didn’t want his children, nieces, and nephews to see him in that state. And as a result, I always remember him as healthy and robust, not sickly on his death bed.

when my mom was dying (breast cancer) she was so adamant (spelling??) about us kids going out and playing with our friends, doing good in school, not just sitting in the hospital.
its a little different situation, but i see what she is talking about.
someone thats dying doesnt necessarily want others moping around and feeling miserable (although they are going to anyways) for them. they want you to go out and be happy, live life, and remember good times.
just my experience, anyways.

Have you ever watched someone die, Christina? Most people aren’t as selfish about reining in their entire family as you seem to be when they are dying. I doubt you will be, either.

I’ve watched both of my grandmothers die. They wanted us to visit. They didn’t want to be physically alone when the moment came. However…they were both adamant that we not dote on them, cry over them, and spend the end of their lives in a constant state of subservient grieving.

They insisted that we go away to college (which I compare to the Winslet situation) as planned for those school years, rather than stay and watch them deteriorate. They insisted that their kids (my parents and aunts and uncles) refrain from changing work schedules because they didn’t want to cause upheaval in their children’s careers by dying.

Family dynamics and individual longings are different. Not everyone shares your feelings. Not everyone looks at life, death, and family the way that you do. I’m sure that YOUR family and loved ones will help satisfy your wishes when you die. Other people’s families are not so apt to consider your opinion as they are to consider the stated wishes of the person dying.

It’s ridiculous to assume that this woman coldly “escaped” from caring for man who loved her while he was dying. If she had, she’d never admit it so openly.

I find it easier to Give than to Take.
Sorry if that confuses you, Christina. Your middle name is obviously ME~ME~ME.
I would absolutely be there for others, but I would not ask them to be there for me.
And I would respect the wishes of anyone who wanted me to stay away.

Christina- Show some respect for those who actually have lost loved ones to cancer. Be it a friend, a lover, or a family member. Is it possible that the ill person doesn’t want to remembered only in their last moments, but more in the happy moments that they’ve shared throughout their time together?
I don’t suppose you know first hand what it is actually like to DIE FROM CANCER. It’s possible that what you would want is different from others. Grow up. It’s a selfish thing to expect someone you love and who loves you to sit there and literally watch you die.
And where are you getting this idea that he had no company on his deathbed?

Your “logic” is rooted in immaturity and selfishness, and therefore is moot to me.

Edit P.S.: I have friends and family because they make my LIFE happy, comfortable, peaceful and more genuine- not my DEATH.

Christina:
December 16th, 2008 at 11:51 pm i study physics so maybe i’m a littlee more prone to logic than most… Ok… we’ll test that theory shall we?

despite what the guy TRULY wanted… (and i still think he’d appreciate company on his deathbed… but let’s neglect that fact)
Where exactly does it say that he was left alone on his deathbed? And why are you bleating on about yours and other people’s families? Kate was his girlfriend and later a platonic friend, not his mother or sister. Don’t accuse his family of abandoning him if you have no proof.

Prone to logic, but immune to common sense.

Msy, I was sad to read your post. I hope that it’s treatable for all your sakes.

LondonParis, I think that you;re being a bit harsh in the other extreme. My grandmother who suffered from cancer, Lord rest her soul, did very much want her family around when she passed and she wanted to pass on a Friday because she believed that a Friday death was a holy death.

Her husband on the other hand most certainly didn’t want any fuss and passed as he would have preferred in the middle of the night And while he was very elderly it was expected, but in the end it was sudden as he was weak but not terribly ill and we expected a few more weeks or months given what we saw others in our family go through.

Both could be seen as selfish in their own way, one making us remember the end and the other not giving anyone their opportunity to properly make their peace. But I wouldn’t criticise either for it.

Christina–I agree with you…I read these comments and I wonder what planet so many people come from!
This absolute validation of selfishness and self-absorbtion is unbelievably sad.
This woman walked out on a man who was dying so she wouldn’t hurt her career as an actress in the movies.
I don’t care what the young man said…you just don’t abandon someone you love when they are dying to further your career.
As far as dear Kate is concerned, I think she is the epitome of shallow self-indulgence. Her selfishness really shines in the fact that she is willing to admire this young man for being so generous to HER (because, of course, what could be more important than HIS helping HER career…certainly not staying with someone who is DYING OF CANCER!!!!)
I am utterly disgusted at the excuses and rationalizations made to justify being utterly selfish and unwilling to make a sacrifice for another human being. This is typical of our society…there is always a good reason to do what is best for yourself rather than someone else.

I think she is fabulous. I loved her in everything she has ever done, even the lousy movies. (what was that christmas movie with her, Jack Black, Cameron Diaz and Jude Law? I forget the name, and everything but her.)

I’d do her. And I’m staight as an arrow and have never even kissed a girl!

I can sort of understand this. She was a young actress starting her career, she wasn’t going to be Florence Nightingale. Also he was dating a much younger girl — what did he expect? He wanted the hot piece and the hot piece did what hot pieces do. Look out for themselves.

However, she got older, got more maturity, and she is still the same, a backstabber and selfish. She left her first husband and kid for Sam Mendes, and then totally changed her look and became a plastic L.A. Barbie. I’m not sure why she isn’t called out on this. She broke up her family for some rich gross dude.

Posing in Vanity Fair with her naked butt splayed out on a chair was the last straw. This woman is vulgar as can be. If she didn’t have a British accent she’d get tarred with the same brush as Angelina. I think she is worse. Truly cold-blooded and heartless. But the accent makes you “classy.”

Christina:
Just because people don’t agree with your opinions/beliefs, does not mean that they are lacking in logic. Your statement itself, in actuality, is illogical, as it infers that only individuals educated in physics (or presumably some other science) have the ability to make logical decisions or have logical thoughts. Would it be fair to say then that due to your studies in physics, that you are socially inept, (which would account for your lack of sensitivity regarding death)? For me to make such a sweeping generalization would be unfair, in the same manner that your generalization would be unreasonable.

I have studied the psychology behind death and dying, as well as have had the unfortunate experience of witnessing it firsthand. Yes, cultural beliefs do affect how individuals deal with death, but it is also an extremely personal experience where many people act/react in different ways. If one of your family members did not want you by their bedside during this moment, would you force them to allow you to stay, or would you honour their wishes? I would hope that you would respect their decision to be alone. Just because you would want company, please don’t assume that everyone holds this belief, or is lying or flawed in some way for feeling different. Dying is an extremely personal act, and is the last act of an individual; please remember that when it happens, that it is always about the dying individual, and not about you. (That’s what the grieving process is for.) To make it about yourself, and your wishes, would be selfish.

To Msy: All the best wishes and hopes. I truly hope that it will turn out to be nothing serious.

until all of you have experienced something like this, you cant really say WHAT you would do!
its so rude to say that people that HAVE gone through something terrible as seeing someone you love die are being “selfish” and “are from another planet”.
have some respect. seriously.

I seem to be agreeing with just about everyone on all sides of this….it seems everyone has a point. It isn’t black and white for me; it would depend on the circumstances and the personalities and the relationship and other things which more articulate people than I have already stated. It’s difficult to judge when you don’t know all the facts. I do know it would take a team of wild horses to drag me away from someone I loved who was dying.

People are very different, when I am sick, I want to be left alone. When my partner is sick he wants to be waited on hand and foot. I enjoy my solitude and would never think to hinder someone else because I was sick. If Titanic had come her way and I was in the same circumstance I would have been pissed if she wouldn’t have taken it. You can talk on the phone, or remember me as I was. Not on a sick bed thinking about what might have been.

@Shingles: She didn’t leave her child. She has Mia from her first marriage and a son with Mendes. What details do you know of her first divorce?

She spoke openly of her first love Stephen in a Rolling Stone article after Titanic was released. I think she was on the cover in a boat. She was terribly upset and crying when speaking of him. She said that she had missed the premiere for the funeral where she had sung instead of giving a eulogy. It was his favorite song to hear sung by her. She wouldn’t tell the interviewer because she felt it would be revealing too much. She said that she hadn’t seen Titanic in its entirety because it was too painful of a reminder of lost love. But when she did see it she was able to cry and release some of what she was keeping in.

That article was one of the first I had ever read with her. I loved her honesty then, and I love her honesty now. Best of luck Kate.

Your face thins as it ages. It’s a basic fact of life. Those of us with fat faces love it – our bodies and face finally match. Those with thin faces to begin with hate it, as they wind up looking like sarah jessica parker or maria schriver – all pointy chins and cheekbones.

Christina – I am dying of cancer, slowly but surely. Throughout my 38 years, I have been characterized by my family and friends many times as frustratingly logical and practical. I don’t know what I will want at the end. My choices change from day to day. I have watched quite a few people die of this disease and it is different for everyone. Most become very practical at the end, and I expect I will become even more so myself. Do not judge what you haven’t experienced. Even judging it through the eyes of a dying loved one is incomparable. Dying is possibly the most personal experience of life, don’t burden us with your needs. You have time to get over them, we don’t. I am not bitter or trying to be overly harsh, but you do need to think outside of yourself here more than it seems you currently are. I don’t know that I can watch my husband and children suffer as I die. I’d like that one final opportunity to spare them if I can.

The fact is this is not a discussion about ‘what would a person dying of cancer want you to do?’. This is about the fact that, as a culture, we are horrendously selfish and self-serving.
We think of sacrifice as a crime–something to resent. I have made sacrifices for people I love and have never regretted it. I wasn’t doing it to pat myself on the back or admire what a great person I was. I was thinking of THEM.
Too many people seem to be incapable of truly thinking about others, of putting anyone (even a loved one or a family memeber) ahead of themselves.
When it comes to money or ambition or even having a good time, so many people will put everyone else aside in persuit of whichever goal they deem more imporatant than other human beings.

rt – I hope you find a way through your last days that is comforting and hopeful to you. You sound like a great person. I wonder if you are working with a hospice group, they can be incredibly helpful…
I was with my mom when she left us from lung cancer – yes, it was very painful and not easy to see “my mommy” changed in that way. But I want you to know that I would have missed so much in not being there. Although her leaving is still somehow not “real” to me, being there did make accepting it less difficult. That being said, I did not bring her grandkids there, I did not think they could handle it. So it is very individual, but it also comes down to what YOU want at the end….I wish you and your family find the best way through this for you all.

I think it is a but strange that Kate left her exboyfriend dying just because he asked it?
come on.
because she’s busy with her hollywood career?or what reason is so important to leave a loved one behind like that.
NONE

the world is full of egos fullfilling their own wishes.
and it doesnt matter that kate has a beautiful pussy.she might just as well be kate fillslut as any other slut.talk is cheap.it shows again.