Under the circumstances, I think "No" and walking away is a perfectly acceptable response.

And seriously, rekey the locks and don't give your FIL a key! Letting the birthing centre know you don't want her anywhere near you is also a good idea. And make sure your husband is on the same page you are with how to handle this.

If you don't set strong boundaries now, it won't stop at advice - she's likely to use that spare key, get into your house, and physically interfere with how you've got things set up ("The crib is much better in the living room!").

The E-Hell Standards:1. Complete Silence 2. "What an interesting assumption."í3. "I'm afraid that won't be possible."Variations: "I'm sorry, I cannot accommodate that request," and "No." (It is a complete sentence!)4. "Why would I want to do that?" Said in a polite, inquiring way.5. "Have you tried the bean dip?" And other topic diversions from rude inquiries and discussions. Variations: "So, did you see the Chicago Bears game yesterday?" and "Isn't the weather just dreadful?"6. "So kind of you to take an interest." Said "coldly" then turn away.*

Above all, don't JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain) . Even saying "My midwife and I have it under control" gives her a reason to "but" in.

And who is it that says, "lather, rinse, repeat"?

* I "hear" this said the way Audrey Hepburn, as Eliza in "My Fair Lady," said it the first time she went out to tea. "So kind of you to take an interest." (Yes, three syllables.)

Logged

If you have an opinion about my life, raise your hand!Now, put it over your mouth.

Can you manage a blank stare and no response? Sometimes no response is better than anything you can come up with. If she continues and says, "Aren't you going to answer me?" I think it's time to say, "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, because surely you didn't intend to ask such a deeply personal question."

If you do want to continue the relationship, then you have to ask her to please refrain from those questions. It's not easy, but sometimes you have to throw it out there: "I want our family to continue to have a relationship with you and FIL, but we need to make our own parenting decisions and choose what personal details we are going to share."

I've also had luck with, "If we continue this conversation, it's not going to end well. Have you tried the bean dip?"

Under the circumstances, I think "No" and walking away is a perfectly acceptable response.

And seriously, rekey the locks and don't give your FIL a key! Letting the birthing centre know you don't want her anywhere near you is also a good idea. And make sure your husband is on the same page you are with how to handle this.

If you don't set strong boundaries now, it won't stop at advice - she's likely to use that spare key, get into your house, and physically interfere with how you've got things set up ("The crib is much better in the living room!").

I have a SIL like that. After trying to explain, and doing the stare, and beandipping, with nothing working, I resorted to what another poster here said: "I discussed with with my/ my baby's doctor and are following his advice."