Who Said It: 'The Sopranos' Quotes Quiz

"The Sopranos" is a highly quotable show, but about 90 percent of it isn't fit for publication. We did a little digging, though, and found some fairly family-friendly quotes. See if you can guess which character said each line.

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Question 1 of 30

"I don't just hate this man. I hate all men."

Artie Bucco

Kind of surprisingly, this is not Carmela. It's Artie, who had his own complicated relationship with Tony.

Carmela Soprano

Jennifer Melfi

Question 2 of 30

"I think you have this M.O. where you manipulate spiritually thirsty women, and I think a lot of it is tied up with food somehow, as well as the sexual tension game."

Christopher Moltisanti

Carmela Soprano

This is Carmela, calling out Father Intintola.

Rosalie Aprile

Question 3 of 30

"I got dosed with acid once, back in '68. I was with your dad and them at the Copa … I look over. Your Uncle June's got laser beams shootin' out his eyes!"

Carmine Lupertazzi

Phil Leotardo

Paulie Walnuts

This could really only be Paulie Walnuts.

Question 4 of 30

"Why was I born handsome instead of rich?"

Silvio Dante

Christopher Moltisanti

Ralph Cifaretto

Ralph does seem to have a pretty high opinion of himself.

Question 5 of 30

"You heard about the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer they couldn't understand."

Uncle Junior

Uncle Junior's never afraid to be totally offensive.

Paulie Walnuts

Christopher Moltisanti

Question 6 of 30

"There's no scraps in my scrapbook."

Carmine Lupertazzi

Johnny Sacrimoni

Phil Leotardo

We're not sure what Phil meant by this quote (in a scene about whacking the entire Soprano crew), and it didn't seem like anyone else in the scene did, either.

Question 7 of 30

"Acting is mostly feelings unless the actor's driving a car or sword fighting or something."

Paulie Walnuts

Christopher Moltisanti

Adriana La Cerva

This is Adriana, helping Christopher practice for his drama class.

Question 8 of 30

"Bush let al-Qaida escape in the mountains? Then he has us invade some other country?"

Tony Soprano

A. J. Soprano

A. J. is a boy/man of relatively few words for most of the series, but in the finale he lets loose with some political opinions.

Silvio Dante

Question 9 of 30

"You're not gonna believe this. The guy killed 16 Czechoslovakians. He was an interior decorator."

Paulie Walnuts

One of the most hilarious mishearings of the entire series, courtesy of Paulie Walnuts. (It was a guy with the interior ministry who killed 16 Chechen rebels.)

Christopher Moltisanti

Tony Blundetto

Question 10 of 30

"They used to call me Ichabod Crane."

Uncle Junior

Tony Blundetto

And they would've been pretty spot-on about Tony Blundetto.

Bobby Baccalieri

Question 11 of 30

"The highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last-chance power drive."

Ralph Cifaretto

Silvio Dante

Christopher Moltisanti

Christopher, quoting the Boss while giving an excuse for lateness to his own boss. Possibly would've been even better coming from Silvio, though.

Question 12 of 30

"A wrong decision is better than indecision."

Johnny Sacrimoni

Jennifer Melfi

Tony Soprano

And that's why Tony was the boss.

Question 13 of 30

"I hear Ginny Sack is having a 90-pound mole taken off her ass."

Phil Leotardo

Ralph Cifaretto

This is the joke that almost got Ralph whacked.

Tony Soprano

Question 14 of 30

"A lot of top guys have dark moods. That Winston Churchill drank a quart of brandy before breakfast."

Paulie Walnuts

Tony Blundetto

Silvio Dante

This is Silvio, sticking up for Tony when he reveals he's been in therapy. He followed this with a not-safe-for-work comment about Napoleon.

Question 15 of 30

"It's not the worst thing I ever heard. I was seeing a therapist myself about a year ago. I had some issues. Enough said. I learned some coping skills."

Father Intintola

Paulie Walnuts

This is Paulie, on the subject of therapy again.

Silvio Dante

Question 16 of 30

"Is nothing sacred? What happened to this thing? If this was years ago, would I even have to ask? We bend more rules than the Catholic Church."

Uncle Junior

Johnny Sacrimoni

This is Johnny, begging unsuccessfully to have Ralph whacked for insulting his wife.

Phil Leotardo

Question 17 of 30

"This alteration you had with him … you're at the precipice, Tony, of an enormous crossroad."

Little Carmine Lupertazzi

So many Sopranos characters misuse words and mix their metaphors, but Little Carmine's is one of the best.

Silvio Dante

Christopher Moltisanti

Question 18 of 30

"You want someone who's sensitive to your needs, but still decisive enough for the occasional grope in the closet."

Jennifer Melfi

This is Dr. Melfi talking to a friend.

Carmela Soprano

Rosalie Aprile

Question 19 of 30

"Every day is a gift. It's just, does it have to be a pair of socks?"

Uncle Junior

Paulie Walnuts

Tony Soprano

Classic quote from Tony.

Question 20 of 30

"Whatever you do, don't engage Silvio in conversation."

Paulie Walnuts

Christopher Moltisanti

This is Christopher, advising Matt and Sean on working the executive card game.

Carmela Soprano

Question 21 of 30

"In the midst of death, we are in life, huh? Or is it the other way around?"

Tony Soprano

Tony Blundetto

Paulie Walnuts

This is Paulie, trying to make conversation with Meadow and her friends.

Question 22 of 30

"I'm like King Midas in reverse."

Tony Soprano

Poor Tony.

Uncle Junior

Phil Leotardo

Question 23 of 30

"I told him, someone owes you money, even if you gotta crawl, you get it."

Johnny Sacrimoni

Vito Spatafore

Paulie Walnuts

Paulie's talking to Tony about Big Pussy.

Question 24 of 30

"The only thing I ever found in the street was my first wife."

Eugene Pontecorvo

Eugene didn't have much luck in his professional or personal life.

Richie Aprile

Bobby Baccalieri

Question 25 of 30

"What kind of animal smokes marijuana at his own confirmation?"

Jennifer Melfi

Carmela Soprano

This is Carmela, horrified by A. J.

Tony Soprano

Question 26 of 30

"You add up all your mortal sins and multiply that number by 50. Then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add that together, and that's your sentence. I figure I'm gonna have to do 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven, and 6,000 years is nothing in eternity terms. I can do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here."

Uncle Junior

Christopher Moltisanti

Paulie Walnuts

Paulie always seems so certain about everything, even if it makes no sense.

Question 27 of 30

"If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them."

Phil Leotardo

Uncle Junior

Tony Soprano

This is Tony, being the boss.

Question 28 of 30

"When I was a little kid, no older than that, I always used to wonder why nobody collected prayer cards like they collected baseball cards."

Phil Leotardo

Carmine Lupertazzi

Uncle Junior

Deep thoughts from Uncle Junior.

Question 29 of 30

"My daughter got off on this feminist rant. She told me it's demeaning for a girl to be working at the Bing. The fact that these girls make $1,500 a week has no bearing with my principessa."

Silvio Dante

The key is principessa, Silvio's nickname for his daughter.

Paulie Walnuts

Gigi Cestone

Question 30 of 30

"Do you think making a hamburger out of me would make you feel better?"