04 March 2014

Today is my birthday! Awesome of awesomeness. At exactly 11:27 p.m., 33 years ago today, I was born. Isn't it neat to think of it that way?

I love my birthday. In fact, I celebrate it for several weeks. I started this years celebration about a week and a half ago, and don't plan on stopping until at least the end of the month. But technically it is just this one day, March 4th.

I know there's this stereotype of a woman freaking out on her birthday because she's getting older (and I guess less valuable to society/men/something?), but that's not me. Never really has been. Long ago, in my late teens, early twenties, I may have been unhappy - deeply, deeply unhappy - on my birthday, but that wasn't because I was getting older. No, it was because I expected my birthday to be something it never was: magical. You know, a happy day all about me. And I had very few happy days when I was that age. Why would my birthday be any different. I've learned now to take things in stride and celebrate many small happiness', and, most importantly, not expect my birthday to be super wonderful. It's going to be a day, just like any other day, and is only special if I make it that way. So I do.

There are disappointments. For instance, I had planned on visiting my friend Leanne this week. That had to be put off because of weather concerns. Nature obviously doesn't realize that my birthday is supposed to have nice spring weather! Actually, reflecting on the day, it did. Today was nice. More snow is in the forecast for tomorrow. And when we cancelled my trip, Leanne and I, a few days ago, we didn't know that it would be so nice. Reschedule for spring!

My mom took half a day off work to take me out to lunch, and one of my brothers accompanied me to the movies. We saw the Robocop reboot. Probably the most terrifying PG-13 movie I've ever seen. Not for the gore, there was a disappointing amount of gore compared to the original, but for the political implications. Yikes! My other brother and his wife are coming this Sunday to celebrate. That's nice. Dan, my father, slept most of the day, but since he often annoys me I don't hold it against him.

This year, I've decided to add something to my birthday celebrations: I'm writing out a list of goals to attain over the next year. Kind of like New Year's resolutions, but I actually plan on working on these. Some because I have to, and others because I want to. My list of goals follows, in no particular order:

Hit my 10,000 steps a day goal.

Study Chinese (Mandarin) an hour a day, five days a week (at least).

Yoga! Or some other stretchy exercises. I seriously need to work on my flexibility.

Weights and aerobics a couple times a week (at least). I need to work on my strength and endurance. I've noticed that I'm depressingly weak, at least compared to where I was a few years ago.

Read 150 books this year, reviewing at least half of them on my professional blog.

Date

Sex

The last two are going to be especially tricksy, I think. I've gotten very used to being alone, and though I may whine about it, I would prefer to be alone than to be with someone just because. It's just awkward being a single 30-something woman. It's expected that we have a partner. I found this gem of a blog post that sums up how I feel about being single (emphasis mine):

I would like to clarify that I wholeheartedly believe in partnership, but I think that my own happiness doesn't fully depend on whether I have a partner. Losing sight of that runs the risk of anchoring yourself to the wrong person, just for the sake of not ending up being this so-called unlovable bundle of damaged goods. Being with the wrong person, experience has taught me, is far lonelier than actually being alone.

Still, I would like to find someone, which means dating. Then trusting someone enough to have sex. What can I say? I've got issues. But, then, the kind of sex that I really enjoy . . . You need to trust your partner. I need to trust my partners regardless, so, yeah. We'll se how that goes.

Anyway, pursuing my goals will not be too difficult. Many are connected on fundamental levels. Today's my last day to enjoy cigarettes. That's been decided for a while now. Luckily, I have the next several days off from work, so the public won't have to suffer with me as nicotine leaves my system and Hulk-like rage temporarily enters.

I'm applying for another position at my current job, one that's full time with benefits. Pays better too. They like me there, so hopefully I'll be in the running. I worry only that I've been fairly vocal about wanting a job in a library (and this is the Museum), so they may think that I won't be worth hiring because I may leave. I can't guarantee that I won't leave, but I can guarantee that I won't leave for a while - probably several years. We'll see.