SENTENCES I'M MOST LIKELY TO START A CONVERSATION WITH

After making this list, I've realized I'm not a very exciting conversationalist.

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"So I was listening to NPR this morning..."

A guy once told me "maybe you should take a break from NPR. You talk about it a lot." Guess someone was just jealous of my trove of semi-useless information.

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"Guess what happened to my car today..."

5 years of a shitty car made for a lot of boring car-problem stories. #RIPFordFocus 🚗⚰

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"Did you see that SNL skit..."

Once I start explaining it the funniness level of it quickly goes downhill.

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"So I was at Trader Joe's and the checkout guy..."

I'm convinced the only requirement to work at Trader Joe's (or Whole Foods) in Seattle is to be a hot guy. So many beards.

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"I had this dream last night..."

I have bizarre and intricate dreams every night and no one is ever as interested in hearing about them as I think they should be.

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"You won't believe what this guy texted/snapchatted me..."

Always accompanied by screenshots. Top source of entertainment.

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"You know that Seinfeld episode where..."

A reference to Seinfeld is always appropriate.

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"Have you heard that new Drake song?"

One of my self-appointed jobs in life is to keep all my friends up to date on Canadian music. Also related: "Have you seen the music video for this song?" The answer is almost always no. I miss the MTV era (not that I had cable as a kid so I don't really know anything about that era).

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"So today, one of my students..."

I love telling everyone about the college students I work with. They teach me new things and are funny and awesome and write me nice notes and occasionally make questionable decisions.

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"That's not gonna be a good situation for my asthma/hives..."

Bad genes, leaving me on the sidelines since 1990. #lilweezy

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"I was talking to my counselor..."

It's a miracle I survived being a member of my crazy family/being a twenty-something before I started going to counseling, and I always want to talk about what I learned #besthourofmyweek