"I am going to give you a marshmallow. You can either eat it now or wait. If you wait fifteen minutes I will give you a second marshmallow to eat."

When we are working on doing what we know we "should" rather than what feels best in the moment, it can feel as though there are competing voices in our mind. Well, the struggle is real and now we know that different parts of our brain are sending different messages about the right choice to make. The limbic system which we discussed last week and reacts to stimuli with a cascade of reward chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, while the prefrontal cortex anticipates future rewards and consequences and is capable of delayed gratification.

The marshmallow test was developed by researchers at Stanford University in the 1960's as a way to measure self control. Children who demonstrated self control by waiting the fifteen minutes to receive a second marshmallow tended to do better on quality of life measurements as they aged including academic success and stronger relationships.

The good news is that, while some people have a naturally more developed prefrontal cortex than others we can train ourselves to have better self control. Here are three ways to increase self control.

1. Our environment matters. As a parent you can set your child up for success by offering positive support for making decisions that consider the future and delay gratification. For example, an allowance system for household chores encourages children to do activities around the house they may not enjoy, for the chance to earn spending money.

2. You become your child's inner voice. The prefrontal cortex doesn't completely develop until adulthood, which means that the conversations you have with your child to help them process consequences are critical to supporting their development.

3. Techniques to create "Psychological Distance". If you've ever not bought girl scout cookies because you know you'll eat the entire box at once than you're familiar with this type of technique. Other techniques include distracting yourself or using self talk.