I’ve been described, by those unfortunate enough to have discussed music with me, as one of those, “music Nazis”… Use your fingers here folks and say it with me, “music Nazi”. They are quite correct in calling me something along those lines. The frustrating thing for them, I’m sure, is that I don’t take offence to the term. My blasé reaction to the intended insult often results in worse, more profane insults and on some instances physical exchanges, and not the good kind. The thing is I am never indifferent about music that I hear. I either want to make sweet sweaty coitus with it, or loathe it so much I want to see it and the rest of the world destroyed because of it. I will generally give a song, artist, band, or whatever 3 chances at most before I put them on the love or hate list forever. I can’t think of any occasion where one has managed to make the jump to the other, but I could be wrong.

I have to say, I was scared… no, I was more than scared. I was horrified in ways that I only ever imagined, when, for some inexplicable reason I explored a list of worst songs in the Rolling Stone’s daily newsletter that I subscribe to. Before you all rush out and subscribe to Rolling Stone’s emails, because you want to be as cool as me, don’t bother. Gone are the days when Rolling Stone could claim to be the finest source of rock ‘n’ roll, political and cultural news and boast having writers of the Hunter S. calibre amongst their ranks. No, those days have been brushed under the Persian rug and days of corporate dick sucking and record label pandering abound at Rolling Stone these days and looks to stay that way. So don’t bother. The saying, “Do as I say and not as I do”, applies to this situation. So anyway, I clicked an innocent enough looking link. I used my cursor and with my mouse clicked a link, like many other links I had treated in the same fashion. It was then that I experienced horror like never before. It is not a link I wish to click again, although I have clicked it many times since, inexplicably, I return to it every now and again like a dog who repeatedly pisses on an electric fence, and is always surprised by the shooting pain. I am referring to, what you may have guessed to already, I’m talking about Rebecca Black’s – Friday.

I can't be the only one who finds this face creepy

I know what you’re all thinking! Please don’t send me any get-well-soon cards or bouquets of flowers or any of that useless shit you send sick people (I’ve always wondered why people do that). I am okay. I survived it, and have come out a stronger person because of it. I have not been brainwashed. I am not an aimlessly wondering zombie drooling on myself and monotonously repeating, “Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun…” I will tell you right now that this is not going to be a laborious examination of Rebecca’s lyrical competency, laborious only in that it would pain me to actually sit and have to consider the lyrics on any level. I’m not even going to have a rant and issue insult after insult at her, she is only 13 after all and a grown man-child sitting in front of his computer ripping on a little girl is pathetic. It is not her fault, which I will explain in due course. I have, in a way been keeping track of the talent-impaired 13-year-old, whose parents, the people you should be blaming for this song, should have been cruel to be kind and informed their seed that she is not meant for the music industry. Bad parenting aside, you can also blame yourselves. Yes, you. I think as a society where we sit back allowing record labels and their artists to make shallow, dim-witted throw away pop music like they have done for the last ten years, insulting our intelligence while actually making younger generations dumber by not showing them anything remotely close to intelligent to aspire to, we have to accept some of the blame. We fucked up! Even people of my generation are to blame. It started out subtle, in the form of Spice Girls and numerous boy band clones, we allowed them to take the first steps to where we have eventually ended up. In a world where this unholy addition to the world of music was even allowed to pass the conversation stage. We also allowed the fascination with celebrity to get out of control. We live in a world where people become famous or infamous for no apparent reason. Every fucker wants to be famous these days, and it doesn’t matter how but they can be, as long as they’re dumb enough. That’s how you end up with a kid, influenced by the likes of Brittany Spears and every other pop tart since she was old enough to speak, putting her name to something as void and vapid as “Friday”. Creating something of value, that lasts to inspire future generations to work hard and create and contribute something of value as well, just didn’t occur to her. It isn’t a priority for anyone who gets to the position of being able to do so. You make a shitty pop song or a suck a dick in a home-movie and because your daddy is rich, you’re famous! It’s honestly that sad and quite scary. Scenes from that utter shit film Idiocracy are in our future, for real…

Jason never worries about what seat to take, he just cuts your fucking head off

I will give a portion of our world’s population some credit, because Rebecca’s debut video is also the most disliked video on YouTube. As I write this post it stands at 1,750,391 dislikes, and is literally climbing as I type, go look for yourself I guarantee that number has risen, and by a lot. The total dislikes go up while you’re watching the video. I bet if I put a video of Hitler kicking a puppy, I wouldn’t get that sort of response. It shows that at least some people are choosing to side with meaningful, long-lasting contributions to popular culture. They might also just be ripping on a talentless little girl though, which is hardly admirable.

There is one upside to this musical tragedy, the hilarious parodies and spoofs of this preteen’s single. Not all are good, or even watchable, but I’ve wasted a fair amount of time going through them and some are pure brilliance. Well as brilliant as anything can be parodying such an inane song. Another upside is that I won’t be attacked by anyone over my opinion of Becca Black’s bullshit song. That’s it for today kids, because, “…it’s the weekend, weekend.”