IReturn from Italy

Carly's POV.
I can't believe I'm returning from Italy. My dad's returning to Seattle as well. He's no longer in the military. I can't believe it's been three years since we left for some military magic. It changes you in the military, it makes you a better person. I was already a straight A student but now I am a straight A+ student.
Carly (to Sam): I missed you and your fat cake eating habit.
Sam: Did you like it in Italy?
Carly: Yes.
Sam: Did you eat lots of pizza?
Carly: There's more to Italy than the food, Sam.
Sam: Oh, Carly. The hilarious Carly Shay everyone.
Carly: How's college?
Sam: Good. I can't believe you're only on your first day.
Carly: I know, but at least it was Ridgeway, so I knew my way around.
Sam (while eating a fat cake): It's confusing how Ridgeway is an elementary school, middle school, high school, and a college.
Carly: Yeah, no chiz.
Col. Shay: Here's $40 dollars.
Carly: What for?
Col. Shay: Having a good first day at school.
Freddie: A corn dog for Colonel Shay.
Spencer: A corn dog for my little sister Carly.
Sam (to Freddie): Gimme that. (eats it)
Freddie: Samantha!
Sam: Call me Sam, dipwad! Here's your corn dog, Mr. Shay!
Col. Shay: You can have the rest!
Sam: Thank you so much!
Freddie: Hey Spencer, we need you to do a trial run of the spit take for the webshow. And Sam why did you take the corndog that was for Colonel Shay, and not the one for Carly.
Sam: Because Carly's my best friend and Spencer was holding her corn dog and I have a crush on Spencer.
Freddie: Crush on Spencer? We're dating! Look at this poster! Sam and Freddie forever.
Goopy Gilbert (looking through the window): Seddie! Seddie! Seddie!
Sam: You better be able to deal with Seddie not happening because I have a sock filled with butter and I ain't afraid to use it.
(iCarly Studio)
Carly: Wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be, there's no chance unless you take one and the-
Sam: Sorry I'm late!
Carly: I already started singing!
Sam: All right, keep your hair on
Carly: Speaking of hair, why'd you dye yours brown?
Sam: Carly, I'm 21, I can do whatever I want!
Carly: Never mind!
Freddie: Enjoy my sexy kazoo playing everyone!
Sam: Sexy? It's not even kiss-y!
Freddie: Ha ha, we get it, you're a brunette, you're a smartass!
(Next day)
Sam: Carly, congratulations on your pregnancy!
Carly: How'd you know I'm pregnant?
Sam: Freddie told me!
Carly: That little asshole!
Mrs Benson: Freddie, why'd you get her pregnant?
Freddie: Because I wanted to!
Carly: There you are, you fat piece of crap!
Freddie: What the frickin' hell do you want? Another baby?
Carly: No, because 2 babies sucking on my boob would hurt!
Freddie: What do you want?
Carly: Never get me pregnant again! We had sex ed in middle school, remember? And my dad doesn't know I'm pregnant!
Freddie: Sorry!
(50 years later)
Freddie: Ah, the octuplets are happy, aren't you, Thomas, Edward, Henry , Gordon, James, Percy, Toby and Emily?
Carly: AH, train names! Goddamn it, I gotta go take a crap!