The Problem With Asking Women To Say ‘Me Too’ | HuffPost

This is a great article and well worth the read. I agree so much with so much of what she has to say, but I have some very pointed and careful constructive criticisms:

Women can turn the whole internet into a list of “Me toos,” but it won’t make a difference until men ― all men ― acknowledge how they perpetuate misogyny and commit to making a change.

This is absolutely true, and later she makes the equally valid and agreed upon point that men need to realize how many women have been sexually abused to realize that (a) it is a lot more men than the perverts and powerful of the world doing it and (b) to admit in their heart-of-heart’s they have committed some act of abuse too.

My criticism is that it is absolutely necessary to realize the scope of the issue in order for men to start changing. It is similar to how we’ve gotten to a majority on marriage equality and LGBTQ+ rights. In the 80’s people realized how many gay men there were and that they knew some because they got sick and died of AIDS. There was no denying it. There was no covering it up. It forced gay men out of the closet in droves. It lead to celebrities coming out, increased visibility of LGBTQ+ on TV shows and movies.

The other thing that #MeToo doesis it reveals the trauma, hurt, and injury that even small transgressions bring. The gropings that are over in a moment for the man and soon forgotten, live on for a lifetime for the women. To a man, it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but to the women it is. Men don’t get that. Not because they are obtuse or lack empathy but because they lack the point-of-view, the experience of being groped and violated themselves.

If enough women tell their stories, then men can no longer deny that it is isolated beastly men perpetrating all of these assaults, but most men. Once people are on board with the most men — really it is all men — then some things start to happen. Women are given the benefit of the doubt. The accused man is not necessarily assumed to be guilty and ostracized, but the accusation is taken seriously and investigated seriously. The man is limited during the investigation. Protecting his life and livelihood and reputation are no longer the most important item on the agenda.

But, then men can begin their campaign of #MeToo and confess their abusive behavior. It is important that the all men belief be in place otherwise the risk of damaging careers and relationships is too great. Too many teachers, for example, in America have been fired or not hired simply because they have posted a picture of themselves with a beer on Facebook. Don’t believe me? Google it.

If men can begin to admit their culpability and take responsibility, then they can begin to atone. Remember, the three parts to an apology: (1) sincerely apologetic, (2) make up for the offense, and (3) promise not to repeat the offense. Men need to make it up somehow to the women in our lives.

The Problem With Asking Women To Say ‘Me Too’

The pressure should be on men to stop predatory behavior.

Facebook timelines have been filled since Sunday nightwith women posting the status “Me too,” in an attempt to prove how widespread sexual harassment and assault are in our culture.

“Do I start with the man in the car on the Parkway who masturbated and made kissing faces at the jr. high tennis team on the way home from a match?” wrote one friend. “The man, when I was in a dance club with my housemates, looked me in the eye and ran his hand down the front of me and grabbed at my pussy,” wrote another. The effect is an exhausting cascade of predatory actions that tell women what they already know: guys consider our bodies disposable.

“Me too” went viral on Sunday, after the actress Alyssa Milano tweeted that victims of sexual harassment and assault should use the phrase to come forward with their stories.

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6 comments

difficult ??? hell no……. almost impossible Is my take on it ..Men will never willingly accept this demand/ request/ . those that do are already in the minority even it it becomes the ” law of the land” … cold day in hell when most men will willingly own up to the obvious evil that they so jealously guard as part of their patrimony. If it even remotely becomes accepted, It will take a lot of arm twisting etc, to make it possible for this to occur . Maybe if women become a real majority it would have a chance ……..and women would have to belly up to the bar to push and demand that they be treated differently than they are now …… Women have to become alert, militant , and resolved to the change too……. remember that not all women want this change… these are actually the knot in the knitting, and convincing them that life would be better will be a huge challenge.

An uphill battle, admittedly. We are swimming against the evolutionary tide, but if we are to have any impact on reducing the amount of sexual assault and sexual harassment women endure, then men have to realize their inner nature. It is only through understanding it that it can be guarded against. If it is true that all men will commit sexual assault in the right circumstance, then only through realizing it can I actively try and avoid those circumstances and thereby avoid the temptation to commit rape.

Convincing those who have lived a life of privilege to give up that privilege is like getting someone to move from their mansion to a deserted island. Difficult.

I agree and I don’t. On the one hand, I think sexual assault has a strong biological component because I think sexual assault evolved to become one reproductive strategy that men will use in the right circumstances. I think in male dominated societies, i.e. all of them, defense of sexual assault as a privilege is quite strong. It will be difficult to root out. However, homophobia and anti-gay sentiment was quite strong, too, albeit without the strong roots in evolution and biology, and we have changed that for reasons stated in this article and in others.

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Inside this cynical, sarcastic, curmudgeonly shell is a big ol' caring, sensitive man longing to be free. I have finally found a way to utilize both of myselves by combining my knowledge of and passion for psychology with my snarky alter-ego. I'll mostly be posting about politics with an occasional analysis of a psychopathic child murderer thrown in for good measure.