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Anorexia Recovery: Quesadillas

I'm currently on my lunch break at work and it's making me think about the first time I tried to recover from my anorexia a few years ago.

I don't know about you but I'm always reaching for the same food. I think it's more or less for simplicity more than anything. Food is such a big trigger in my anxiety so I do my best to keep that anxiety as low as possible.

A few of the foods I used to eat on a daily basis were buttered noodles, quesadillas, pasta salad, chili, and hot chocolate. Sometimes I wonder if I over did it because I'll go back to eat those things and after only a few bites, I just end up not being able to finish my food. Now I'm not sure if it's in my head or am I really not enjoying the food like I used to.

It's really frustrating cause my appetite has become super picky with anorexia. Very few foods truly appeal to me and even then I might not enjoy it the next day. It sucks cause I know I need to just suck it up and eat, but honestly who can sit there and eat when the food isn't enjoyable. I wish I could find a way to push past it but it's hard at times.

It's even weirder cause I really do want to enjoy my food. I've been having a battle with buttered noodles for years. I swear they haven't tasted right in years and I couldn't ever figure out if it was me or the buttered noodles. Well yesterday I switched things up and made them with radiatore noodles instead of egg noodles. Then I loaded them with salt and pepper. Strangely enough I enjoyed them so much that I had to bring them to work for lunch.

Now I don't know if it's just the fact that I used different noodles​ or maybe there was something wrong with my taste buds. I guess I'll never truly know though. Now I just need to master quesadillas cause they're always so blah to me and it's very depressing. I used to rely heavily on them.

If anyone's got a good secret sauce or trick to quesadillas please tell!

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Me.

Kai grew up and lives in WV. She wrestles two cats and a baby by day and moonlights as an author at night. You can find her drinking copious amounts of tea or coffee while playing her N64 (Banjo-Kazooie or Legend of Zelda).