When I imagine a teen daughter telling me her dream is to pump up her tits and become a fame whore in Hollywood, I hear myself asking a follow up question or two. Courtney Stodden’s mom got the pitch, and without hesitation slammed a needle full of HSV vaccine into her daughter’s ass and bought a couple Greyhound tickets one-way to L.A.. That’s the kind of mom who will stick with you through your failed casting sessions, your personal heartbreak, and your first few abortions. When I told my dad I wanted to be a dancer, he just punched me hard in the shoulder and called me a homo. Now I cry every time I attend the ballet while Courtney gets to flash her titties and ass around town with a confidently glazed smile. Self-esteem really is the greatest gift you can give your children.