My BF is obsessed with other women! Advice?

Bookmark Discussion

luvzjr wrote:

Sorry it's long.My BF and I have been together over a year. We are in our early/mid twenties and expecting our boy in 6 weeks. In the beginning of our relationship we were party people, loved going out, and having a good time with friends. I've stopped obviously, I had to grow up and be the best mother I can be. My BF is a little better, he still smokes marijuana everyday and stopped drinking everyday to only drinking HEAVILY on weekends. I believe he still has some growing up to do.. Anyways, in the beginning we had no jealousy problems. He barely would check out other women, he never really looked at porn besides the normal occasion. He played attention to me, his eyes were always on me. sex was almost an everyday thing to twice a day. He also does have erectile distinction, but has been better since he doesn't drink everyday. He was always honest and we would both agree on good looking people when we were "checking them out". I'm not one to really check men out, especially in front of my BF. Since I've become pregnant, I've been totally annoyed with him. He checks women and even teens out every time we go out now! Tells me how "hot" they are or if he saw her thong, really he describes what he saw and liked. He adds hot girls on Facebook now, he even added his coworkers daughters (which are 18 and 16) after telling me how hot they are. He used to have these girls (he didnt know them) who would strip on snapchat and play with themselves (porn basically) and he looks at porn a whole lot more now . We have sex about 1-2 times a week maybe. He stayed friends with most of his ex's on Facebook which I didn't care about, But he talks about them sometimes.. Like I care what him and his ex's did or are doing now? No!!! I don't want to hear about it. I talked to him and get ignored because he is too busy looking at other women, or watching videos of girls shaking their hips. He makes me so jealous and insecure now, plus being pregnant doesn't help! I don't want my BF teaching my son to be a PIG! I've tried giving him a taste of his own medicine by doing the same things he does to me but he gets all butt hurt. He also tells me he never gets jealous. What do I do? I'm unhappy. I love him, when he actually pays attention to me and isn't on his Facebook... When it's me and him, it's so real and we are literly like best friends. But why has he changed so much. I'm not the yelling fighting type of girlfriend, I've told him he makes me feel insecure. I've actually been thinking of going to a councillor so I can talk to someone about all our problems and my own. What do I do? Thanks for reading!

You talk to him. You express your feelings. Try using "I feel" and "I would feel more loved if". You can't change him, he has to do that on his own. But you shouldn't be having to deal with this in a relationship and if he doesn't stop and refuses to change how he is making your feel then you need to make the decision on what you want to do. Stay or leave. I hope he stops doing these things and becomes more focused on his family.

You talk to him calmly and explain how you feel. You can't change him and more than likely this is just who he is. At your age a year isn't really that long to know somebody. It doesn't sound like he values you at all. This sounds like it's a big part of who he is and if he's unwilling to change it after knowing how it makes you feel then you probably need to decide if you're able to love this aspect of him as well. If he doesn't want to change and you can't live like this (I know I sure wouldn't and couldn't) you probably need to make arrangements to be on your own. This is incredibly disrespectful and if he's doing this much in front of you I can only imagine the kinds of things he's probably doing behind your back. If you're intent is to stay with him no matter what go to couples counseling because long term this is not healthy for you at all and it's not a good situation to raise a child in teaching him that it's ok to treat his partners that way too because his dad does.

You need to talk to him like an adult. Not "giving him a taste of his own medicine". That's childish. And that won't accomplish anything.

You tell him that it's inappropriate to discuss underage girls in a sexual manor. It's rude to constantly talk about other women sexually in front of you and it's making you feel bad. You would like for him to stop.

Honestly though, this guy sounds like a *** and I don't see it getting any better any time soon and only getting worse when the baby comes.

I would be really worried about having a partner who was high and smoked during the day with a newborn. And then heavily drinking every weekend.

You might consider figuring out how to do this on your own and ditching this ***.

I think it's absolutely disgusting that he is adding teenagers on Facebook because he finds them hot. He sounds immature and seems to have no respect for you. It doesn't sound like he'll grow up anytime soon.

If he won't change for you and your baby, then do what you have to in order to be happy. That's what you deserve, happiness.

I have to agree w pp's, he's in his mid twenties adding teenagers and saying things like they're hot? That's concerning....pedophile behavior. You need to address that issue before anything because that's scary. You shouldn't stoop down to his level w "giving him a taste of his own medicine" that does absolutely nothing but make you look bad if anything. The woman ALWAYS looks bad when they wanna do what a guy does. He seems VERY immature and I can't see how he would even change when the baby is born. If anything I see it getting much worse. You need to reevaluate your whole relationship and think about what's best for the baby because someone who smokes weed all the time and drinks heavily even if it's just on the weekend is a problem, addict problems. He's addicted to the party lifestyle and if he can't let it go for the sake of his own child what makes you think he'd do it for you? I'd consider moving on without him. It's not worth the pain your going to go through later.

It doesn't sound like he's changed. It sounds like you've changed and for good reason. You're about to be a mother. Choosing a man that mostly party with and check out other people to father your child may have not been the best choice. You used to encourage this behavior and although I wish he would grow up along side you and be a great father, that may not be possible with a man of weak character. The underage girls thing would terrify me, first off. Talking about unsuspecting women's thongs in detail is also inappropriate. I would have run for the hills but you said you both would participate before so he thinks it's ok. I think you need to have a serious talk about your boundaries and if he loves you enough to respect your feelings, great! If not, you are no longer compatible. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Good luck.

It sounds like he might have some addictive personality issues if you said he went from drinking daily to binging on the weekend and that maybe he's replaced the weekly drinking with sexual content...also very concerning that he's so attracted to underage girls....either way it sounds like he's keeping himself occupied to avoid growing up and becoming a dad.

You're doing the right thing, he's not. Go to a therapist, they can help you sort things out

I'm not saying he is a child molester but what if these teens were your daughters and some grown ass man was saying that about your child me personally I would have to leave because that's just weird and creepy and I would be afraid of him having a relationship with a child behind my back how do you think it would look if you found out he was cheating on you with a 16 year old I would totally be turned off from his behavior and would probably not even want him to touch me. I think if you keep letting this behavior go on it will just continue and will get even worse because you are allowing it. What a creep sorry your going thru this I hope you make the right decision for you and your new family

One thing to consider is that if he added these girls onto Facebook...(which is gross)...what's stopping him from messaging them? I mean, if he's so obsessed with them and thinks they are so hot...why wouldn't he flirt with them?

I think you need to really take a hard look at yourself and why you would choose to have a baby with someone like this. He has really bad addictions, and can't control himself around women. Have better standards for yourself.

A grown man friending underage teenagers on his Facebook because he wants to f*ck them would be grounds for me both breaking up with him and warning the girl's father so he can protect his daughters from this guy.

As would treating every woman he sees like an object, an assemblage of parts he thinks he's entitled to comment on as if he's Lord of the Püssy. I'd shut that shït down in an instant.

And I think you went along with it for so long because you didn't want to deal with his man baby tantrum when you told him it's not ok to eye-fück every woman he sees. And you were afraid you'd lose him to infidelity if you didn't participate.

He didn't change, you did. You used to play along with him commenting on the appearance of other females. Now that you're pregnant, it's not a fun game anymore. He thinks it's acceptable behavior because you not only allowed it in your relationship, but participated in it as well. I have no advice to offer as I am thoroughly disgusted at the thought of your grown ass boyfriend who is about to be a father eye-fûcking teenage girls. I'd be out of that relationship so fast and I'd be warning the father of those children about your boyfriend's predatory behavior.

I am so disappointed that a man would blatantly disrespect his pregnant girlfriend in this manner. I even more disappointed that a woman would allow this type of behavior and stay with him (and I don't mean for that comment to come off as a judgement). Why do you feel that you and/or your child deserve to be subjected to this repulsive behavior? What do you do when he commenting on other women?

Most importantly, requesting a 16 year old because she's "hot" is beyond nauseating. That is the characteristic of a predator. This type of man should make you sick to your stomach.