Timmah is a Weiner

1. Bellgirl’s Great Uncle Denny, a former bullpen coach for the Milwaukee Brewers, bought Wirkuswhazz a 12 pack of High Life.

TRUE. We talked baseball and beer. Next thing I know, dude buys us a twelver of High Life. I drank it last night while cooking and watching the Brewers game.

2. Bellgirl’s father dressed up as Elvis and sang Karaoke at a neighbor’s pig roast.

TRUE. Every Fourth of July Crandon has a boat parade. All the boat owners decorate their boats and shoot fire works at each other. This year Bellgirl’s family had an Elvis-themed boat and her father dressed up as Elvis. Last weekend her neighbor’s had a pig roast, and Bellgirl’s family was invited with the stipulation her father had to come dressed as Elvis. He complied; we dined on swine.

3. Bellgirl and Wirkuswhazz had a fight in a bar called The Wild Rose because Wirkuswhazz paid 5$ for a chance to win a shotgun.

TRUE. While drinkin’ it up at the Wild Rose, I discovered a raffle: 5$ for a chance to win a shotgun. Winner need not be present to win. Drawing takes place on August 9th at 3:00 p.m. Hot damn, I gave dude a fiver and bought myself a chance at the gun. Then Bellgirl lost her mind and said I better sell it if I win. I refused. We argued.

4. In a late night drunken game of Pit, Bellgirl’s father enraged Bellgirl’s aunt with his incessant bell ringing.

TRUE. Obviously true. When doesn’t this happen in a game of Pit?

5. Bellgirl’s sisters and aunt wouldn’t shut up about the size of Bellgirl’s boobs.

Oddly, TRUE. Bellgirl and I looked at junk, (mainly wooden moose and bear) ate corn on the cob, then went over to a bar called Sparky’s and had a beer. There was nothing Kentuck about it.

7. Bellgirl and her sister Liz started a scene when a roving band of teenagers on four wheelers discovered them sun bathing topless.

FALSE. I made this shit up. I added the topless for Madd, and the four wheelers for authenticity.

There you have it. The whazzers who guessed correctly were Madd, Caspa, Jen and Timmah. I put their names in a hat and had Fancyface pick a winner. “Fuck you, I’m studying for my MCAT,” she said, fishing out a name. And the winner of the bendable sausages is: Timmah. Congratulations!

One of my work friends saw Joe Montana crossing the street during his lunch break. Once people found out he was there, everyone was saying hi to him and smiling. When my friend got back to work, he called right away to let me know that he saw JM. When I told my boss on my audit team the news, she replied, “Who’s Joe Montana?” Poor Canadian.

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maddddddddddddddd
i can’t have fun, none of you idiots can have fun BURN IT ALL DOWN.