I am ZoloVT'ak from the Earth year 204813.If you are reading this message, it means I have been successful in my Time Machine experimentations.I have travelled to your time and have left this message to:

1. Confuse your tiny mind.2. Give you hope for you to build your own Time Machine...before it is too late. Time Travel is possible but you only have 5 years in order to accomplish this and save yourself and your family.

Steps To Build A Time Machine:

1. Sell all your possessions.2. Deposit all monetary gains into the bank account of Ngwame N'doulo (account no: 97974387742) Bank of America.3. Wait 6 months and return to this location for the first components of Time Machine. Bring a large bag.

Until next time,Farewell Citizen.

ZoloVT'ak

PS. Your relations from the year 204813 say Hi and hope to see you soon.

jaedreth:It is our generation who decided that 'fairness' is more important than freedom, that security is more important than liberty, and that the ideas of our Founding Fathers were too antiquated, so I hope you enjoy being a slave to the Government. I certainly don't.

It started innocently enough. A slight cough, fever, chills. We thought it was the flu, but we didn't know the government was up to something so sinister. They placed us in containment camps. The rage escalated quickly. Even the children would lose their minds, scratching and tearing at each others flesh. We knew this would be the end of the world but we didn't know that they would end up tak

We shot it all up, cut it all up, dug it all up, burned it all up, used it all up, and farked it all up.

Most of the people of this time were wasteful, greedy, ignorant, short-sighted assholes. They are the reason why the US has only 46 whole states now (Florida, Louisiana, half of New York and whole chunks of the east coast disappeared in the Great Rising of '75), why you can scoop the air with a spoon, and why your water is 50% plastic and 5% methane gas. I apologize for them, since they would never apologize for themselves.

If you English is your native language, and have time to read this message, then your assembly line supervisor is obviously being WAY too lax with you. Those crappy toy pandas won't build themselves, you know!P.S. Oops, sorry for our generation getting you in this predicament. But I must say we REALLY enjoyed all the dollar-store and Walmart stuff we bought. Okay, who am I kidding, it was all really crappy stuff that broke the second we bought it. Actually, funny story, we didn't really care that it was crap, because for the most part we never really needed any of it to begin with! haha

Anyways, our bad! The important thing is we didn't have to live to suffer the pain of seeing you in daily agony thanks to us. Now cover up your calluses and get back to work, you softy! You don't want to be docked for bread and water ration tonight. ;)

We didn't understand. We were so close to figuring out how to defeat death and developing the technology to perfectly communicate and learn from and with each other, but we succumbed to past paridigims. Had we used half of the resources we used on entertainment and military defense and instead focused on learning how to overcome the challenges of disease and aging, we would certainly be there with you now.

Learn from our mistakes. During the many ebs and flows of human development the genetic advantage was given to those who figured out how to take advantage of human systems, be they physical, personal, or political. Your challenge will be to create a society that encourages interpersonal and technological developments, and figures out a way to distribute these developments fairly.

We almost succeeded in colonising other planets.We almost succeeded in going out to the stars.We completely succeeded in screwing up our planet, our civilisation, and our future.Learn from our examples, and if some wild-eyed maniac comes out of the desert claiming to have special messages from a deity, he's having sunstroke or been eating the wrong mushrooms. Lock him up someplace he can't do any harm, or failing that, throw him off someplace high onto something hard. Trust me on this, unless you actually want to go to war over things like the serious questions of whether your god is better than your neighbours god and how many different incarnations he, she or it has.

We deeply apologize for not rounding up all the religious lunatics and shooting them off to Venus in rockets, thus allowing them to destroy the world in their insane belief in The End Times. Being tolerant of the clinically insane is a biatch.

I'd leave a treasure map, with a explanation about how I funneled a whole bunch of money out of the stock market at various "convenient" times when the market crashed.

Then I would send them around the world with a clue in every country, until I finally sent them back to the states, where they would find the final clue buried under an old oak tree out in the country.

I'd say: "If you want to listen to this, and all other recordings from the past, as well as be a part of a giant virtual circle-jerk in the process, send $5 per month (adjusted for inflation) to the descendants of Drew Curtis."