Friday, March 20, 2009

Baby Got Flack

You never think about how difficult it is to get your hands on a baby until you really need one in a hurry.

Such was my situation recently. I was photographing this thing and it was made absolutely clear to me that no substitutes for an infant head and shoulders would be acceptable. No pretty dollies, no hat stands, no Styrofoam balls or wads of crumpled tissue paper. Only the genuine article, and pronto. Knitty waits for no man.

I live in a neighborhood that, in spite of its long-standing reputation as a haven for what used to be known as Confirmed Bachelors, is now increasingly home to young families. These days, you’re as liable to trip over a nanny on Halsted Street as you are a drag queen. Soccer mommies mixing with the leather daddies. Ah, progress.

Still, having more kids in the vicinity makes them no easier to borrow. You would be amazed at how reluctant city parents are to cooperate when you rush up–camera in one hand and baby hood in the other–and ask if they would kindly bung this onto junior’s head so you can snap a couple of quick frames. I had no idea strollers could move so fast.

Not neighborly, if you ask me. Downright standoffish.

I was about to concede defeat when a friend-of-a-friend obligingly gave birth to a bouncing baby girl. Together, we collaborated on a series of images that, judging from the response they’ve generated, are either too precious for words, or evidence that I am a child-hating untalented hack who should have my camera taken away and my knitting needles broken in half.

Me, I fall somewhere in the middle. These are far from my best work, having been made in five minutes in dim light so as not to tax either the baby or her mother. I did the best I could, which is sometimes all you can do. On the other hand, I applaud the model’s artistic choices. I feel they lift the series above the banal. Smiley kids are a dime a dozen. This one, like Margo Channing in All About Eve, obviously detests cheap sentiment. I love her for that. If the aura of enfance véritée turns some knitters away–well, I suppose that is the price one pays for pushing boundaries.

Proper Compensation

In lieu of payment, the model’s parents agreed to accept a hand-knit baby hat. Not the hood, obviously–it’s a wee bit much for daily wear in 2009. But a hat of my choice, and of course I want it to be a good one.

I started to whip up a little number of my own devising from the remnants of my Exceptional Niece Abigail’s™ Tulip Jacket. Some of it had gone into the embroidery for Bird and Berry, but there was still plenty to spare.

I did some pondering and charting, and cast on. At about this point in the proceedings,

I realized I have a problem.

I love this hat. Really love it. Really really really love it. Knitting it has been like a ride on a supercharged merry-go-round and I don’t want to get off. And there’s no way it’s leaving the family. It can’t go on me, since I don’t wear pink in the winter. So it’s going to Abigail.

Which means making another hat for the Other Baby. It won’t make any difference to her, or her mother. They haven’t seen this hat. And the other hat will be just as nice, I promise.

So why do I feel guilty?

Stop staring at me. Just stop. Stop it!

Invading America's Dairyland

A reminder to those in the vicinity of La Crosse, Wisconsin that I will have the honor and pleasure of joining you for your annual Knit in Public Day at the La Crosse Public Library. The theme is "Keeping You in Stitches: Knitting and Humor." I shall do my best to be especially funny from 6:30–7:30, when it's my turn to speak. (Natives, please advise. Are cheese jokes off limits?) The rest of the time, I will pursue my more usual course of trying not to say anything too stupid.

I'm told that jokes about French cheeses are entirely appropriate in Dairy Land.

On another matter: when, oh WHEN, will you grace Denver, Colorado with your wit and knitting knowledge? You are more than welcome to bunk at my house (disclosure of messy teenage daughter, dog, cat, husband who wears acrylic fleece vests covered with the hair of aforementioned pets). I am tired of envying cities such as La Crosse, Wisconsin (no offense meant.) We have cheese here! And Rocky Mountain Oysters! Any many, many lovely LYS! The many !s in this post should be an indications of my strong feelings on this matter. Get your ass out here, please! Love, Jelly.

Franklin, it's so easy! You can get rid of the guilt by just making two of those hats. Which is drop-dead gorgeous. And while it's true that Amazing Niece Abigail is #1, that baby has a certain je ne sais quoi that indicates she's a force to be reckoned with, and worthy of your best.

Clearly the lack of readily available babies is connected to big city life. I live in a teeny tiny town and we have so many babies & tiny tots it's ridiculous. (I mean, we HAVE cable TV!) I think last weekend there were two separate baby showers on the same day.

Next time maybe try going up to the child and parent with some candy....well uh maybe not. Love the pic of wee one. I first saw it and thought maybe Dolores was in disguise and trying another means of getting her face in pictures.

About the cheese jokes, remember to do lots of jokes making fun of California cheese and you'll be set. Oh, don't open with the one about the wheel of brie, the brick of swiss and the chunk of cheddar walking into the bar. That one has been done to death.

You are coming to La Crosse on WWKIP day? I gotta check with my LC knitting buddy and see if she has an empty bed.

I totally agree with your sentiment -- smiling babies are a dime a dozen. Scowling babies, otoh, are priceless. (One of my favorite professional photos of my #1 son (now 24) was taken on a day when he missed his nap -- you never saw such a poignant face.)

I'm from Milwaukee, and I say you can make cheese jokes all you want. I think the dairy stuff is a point of pride among us, even if we are from the cities, but cheese is also not something to take too seriously. (I mean, the cheese hats, come on.)

Franklin, that Dream In Color hat is looking terrific! Definitely keep it in the family or amongst loved ones. And, like others said, you can invent another terrific one! Also, my mom who is a quilter, has shared the dilemma of making sure the gift is in proportion to the relationship, so as not to freak the recipient out. She has made some gorgeous quilts (100+ hours) for acquaintances, and it has created awkwardness. Now, she pitches gifts for non-close people more like 10-30 hours of work, and it feels more appropriate for a baby gift... luckily she saves the super fab ones for us!!

All babies scare me (yes, I have a problem, but I admit it) and this one personifies the true essence of the baby in a way that no other picture has. Thank you for finding that beautiful, if frightening, expression.

Just so you know, even though I'm afraid of them, this hasn't stopped me from knitting and knitting dozens of baby gifts. I'm astounded by the hat and want to make one for my newest victim, I mean, precious child.

There should be more baby pictures in the world like that. I hope she isn't making a comment on your hood. I'm sure she'd have a much more pleasant expression if you gave her that lovely colourwork hat, though even a less lovely version might elicit same.

Somehow, it reminded me of the Duchess in Alice in Wonderland....well, maybe not quite. Or Winston Churchill, as another commenter said.

Anyway, we look forward to seeing you in La Crosse. A few cheese and beer jokes should offend no one. And we all, Illini and Wisconsinites alike, are suffering through this interminable Midwestern winter despite it being the first day of spring (HA! THE CALENDAR LIES!)

Franklin, you can borrow my kids for pictures anytime you're in Austin! The Boy is probably more interested in tasting the wool than wearing it at the moment, but he's still in training. He can model with the best of them. The Girl just wants to know when she can put it on. She has no problem modeling WIPs.

As someone whose Saturday job between the ages of 12 and 15 or so was taking bookings and being nice to my Dad's portrait-studio clients, I'm not actually boggled by any negative comments you've had on the baby hood pictures.

The number of parents who expected their children to be able to smile, to order, from the age of a couple of days or so, was breathtaking...

My Dad very quickly extracted stuff from a child-development manual to illustrate that, under a certain age, you weren't going to get a happily-smiling baby, and posted said stuff on the wall...

Will the hat even fit Abigail? I mean, she's positively a big girl by now, right? ;) I think you should pass it to the baby and be proud to give such a lovely thing away to a baby with so much personality already.

I adore Grumpy Baby (tm) -- she deserves a luscious colorwork hat like the one you are making for your Dear Niece. (C'mon -- no one really expects you to give that lovely hat to someone outside of the family, but you really should consider doing another one, perhaps in slightly different colors, for Grumpy Baby (tm)) Seriously -- what a personality! The negative commenters have either never seen a real baby in real life (DEFINITELY not all sunshine and roses) or they need their OWN diapers changed. Tout suite.

I am perhaps not the right person to ask about making cheese jokes in Wisconsin as I am from Minnesota and the rivalry is deep and ancient. ;) I can assure you that WE make cheese jokes about Wisconsin all the time, and (most of us) have yet to be hit with lightning. Seriously, though -- be careful with an Brett Favre jokes. That could get ugly fast.

I grew up in LaCrosse. If you really want bonus points stop by the Cheesehead store downtown for some cheesehead gear before your talk.

So sad I can't make it. I'd never manage to work, pack up three kids, drop them off at grandma's and get there on time! Are you selling books? Maybe I can send my mom in my stead. She doesn't knit but she does quilt...close enough?

I loved those baby pics from the moment I first saw them on Knitty. I've no idea what you did to get the colours to work that way, but I thought it was absolutely brilliant how you managed to make the baby look so old and faded and grumpy and Victorian, while the bonnet looked so new and fresh and cheerful and modern.

Yeah, smiley babies are a dime a dozen, but grumpy babies are just as easy to come by. It was the colours that made me laugh out loud.

I think you should suck it up and give the model baby the hat you are knitting (it's beautiful by the way). Just think of it as an offering to the universe for the availability of future baby models. Or good karma if you will.

SICK!! Oh, no, not you or your work, either photographic or knitterly -- *I* was sick, from laughing until my innards nearly became outards. I think that baby should have more than just a cap - and I'd be willing to send some lovely toys, age-appropriate. I LOVE THAT GIRL! It's clear that she is never going to be impressed by ANYthing but the very best, which is what I wish her (and her Maman) for the whole of her life. That last picture? I cannot imagine a better. If I could I would pay for her college education. Or acting school. And Franklin? HUZZAH to you, for not discarding those in favor of a Gerber-oid little dumpling. Any attempt to equal Abigail is guaranteed to fall short anyway. Oh - and as a reenactor, may I say that hood is breathtaking, beyond comprehension (and I'm glad I reenact a Metis woman whose babies lived in cradleboards and never had to deal with such foofaraw).

~ that is the best Maurice Sendak baby-face I've ever seen. such character ~ exactly like one of his illustrations.fabulous knit bonnet & sweater ~

~ Franklin, welcome to La Crosse on wednesday. Can't wait to meet you.There are at least a few transplants from the East Coast here too,such as moi, in need of great humor and wild knitting ~happy travels to scenic Bluff-land.Its great to welcome an ARTISTE ~~Shell~

My first thought when I saw the baby picture on Knitty last week was how perfect it was for the pattern. It is such a vintage look. I think there are baby pictures of my great grandparents with just that same look and a similar outfit!

I really don't think you could have found a more perfect model...you said yourself in the article that even the name "baby hood" suggested something slightly sinister, and how much did Victorian-era babies have to smile about, anyway?? I have to admit that my first thought, though was of the old Bugs Bunny cartoon where the little foundling on Bugs' doorstep turns out to be a wanted criminal - that kid just looks like she wasn't born yesterday, if you know what I mean :)

Oh heavens... There's a picture of me from whence I was young making a very similar face. And I was probably looking at my mother! So don't take it personally, if the young lady is anything like me she will spend the rest of her life making faces at the camera.

I have mixed feelings about that photo. I'm sure its really great from a technical point of view but it is creepy and I wonder what that poor kid will think when it grows up. I'd also be worried about being shredded alive by the parents for putting that in the public domain but they may have more artistic sensibility and less paranoia than 99% of parents I know.

Ha! great picture. I know what you mean about reluctant parents, I used to work with a with a reluctant photographer who didn't want to be associated with baby-snatching...he was horrified when I'd ask strangers for their children. Not to keep... Still he'd shrink into the shadows when I made my move.

just sayin'...but my little pipsqueek is about to turn one entire year (OMG we survived!) and heck, we're just about neighbors (Edgewater). Let me know should you need a model. I can't believe you don't have tons of babies falling about you!Love the blog, love the sheep, love the knitting. Have fun up north.

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