The Dad Pact Manifesto: 25 Rules For Being A Good Friend To A New Dad

25 Rules For Being An Amazing Friend To A New Dad

When your best friend becomes a father, there’s an inevitable shift in your dynamic. Gone are the days when your individual levels of irresponsibility are on par with one another. No, these days, while you may still live a carefree existence in most ways, your buddy’s now responsible for shaping a life. Literally. That being said, yes, he’s a father, and perhaps a husband, but he’s also still your friend. So, as we head toward Father’s Day, remember the rules on how to be a good friend to a new dad. He’ll absolutely appreciate the effort.

Make The Mom Like You

Simply put, it will make your friend’s life much easier if his wife, girlfriend or baby mama likes you. Help facilitate that. I mean, first off, you should always attempt to love someone that your best friend has chosen to spend the rest of his life with anyway. And in most instances, you and she will naturally get along, based simply on the fact that you and her dude are probably pretty similar to begin with. You are, after all, best friends. Though if a rift exists or develops, always try to nip it in the bud and smooth things out. If you were ever so stupid as to ask him to choose between she and you, you will lose. Every single time. The more she likes you, the more time you and your friend will wind up spending together.

Be The Gym Buddy

Here’s the thing about going to the gym — it’s your friend’s free pass to get out of the house. In most instances, any wife or girlfriend would be thrilled to see their guy being passionate about his health. And when you become a dad, that goes double. That gym visit isn’t just for cosmetic purposes, no, it’s also helping to ensure you’ll live long enough to one day be a grandpa. So why not hit the gym with your friend? This is a perfect opportunity to catch up, and to do so on a regular basis. Going to the gym doesn’t take the planning that a Yankee game does.

Don’t Make Fun Of The Dad Car

Okay, fine, a little good-natured ball busting is to be expected if your longtime friend purchases a big, ugly minivan. Those are the perks of being a best friend. You get to rip your buddy a new one if he starts driving an Astrovan. But at the same time, when you’re a dad, safety comes first when it comes to automobiles. For example, a recent article named the Kia Spectra and the Chevy Malibu two of the deadliest cars in America. If your friend is driving a death trap, he 100% unequivocally must sell that bad boy and get something safer.

If He Gets A Night Out, Man Up

It’s not like you always want to go out and rage, right? You’re human too. You get busy, you get tired, and you have responsibilities. And that’s all well and good. It is. However, if your friend who’s a father has a rare night out, and it happens to fall on a night when you’re overwhelmingly beat, well, sucks for you. Man up! Don’t let your comrade down. These days his nights out are few and far between. So if your party schedules don’t synch up, you do your absolute best to light a fire under your buttocks — it’s your duty as a best friend.

Don’t Text Him Too Late

While your friend with a kid can text you whenever he damn well pleases, it doesn’t work both ways. Perhaps the thing that changes most when one of your buddies has a kid is the sleep patterns. You may go to sleep at 4 A.M. one wild Saturday night, whereas he could be waking up at 4:30 A.M. that Sunday morning. Always try and respect the fact that when you send that text, it could potentially wake up not only him, but also his significant other, both of which are likely in dire need of sleep.

Take Him To A Game

Your buddy becoming a father doesn’t have a thing to do with the fact that he still loves watching a hockey game every now and again. Sporting events are an amazing opportunity to simultaneously combine a few imperative friend activities, killing multiple birds with two tickets. You can have a blast watching something you’re both truly passionate about, all while catching up and having a few beers. A Sunday afternoon at a baseball game might be the exact thing your friend needs.

Never Accuse Him Of Being Whipped

Your friend’s actions not only effect himself, but also his wife and children. So if you invite him out for, say, a pub golf crawl, but his spouse objects because they have a family function the next morning, don’t give him crap for it. Never use the ol’ W word, which is, of course, “whipped.” Often your friend’s better half will be the more responsible portion of that relationship. He’s not whipped, per se. It’s just that he has a partner in life looking out for his wellbeing, whereas you may wake up with a hangover, lying next to a snoring stranger. Don’t you wish you were whipped sometimes?

Always Make Sure He Doesn’t Drink & Drive

Now while this rule goes for every one of your friends, it goes double for those that are now parents. Aside from the grim realities of the potential worst case scenarios, getting a DWI messes up everything in your life. There’s the literal price you pay, as opposed to that of the figurative nature. There’s the insurance hike, as well as the possibility of a court-mandated breathalyzer being installed in your car. Then there’s the restriction on your freedom. Losing your license is unbearably annoying for a parent. Imagine if your buddy can no longer drive his daughter to work because he was out doing Jameson shots with you the previous night. Simply put, always call your friend a cab if you guys head out to the bar.

Don’t Just “Pop In”

If your friend just pops by your apartment unannounced, he might find you, the single guy, asleep on the couch, playing video games or watching wrestling. However, if you just pop by his place unannounced, you may find a screaming child, a dirty diaper or a wife that’s trying desperately to catch up on sleep. The lesson to learn here? Always call first. While the sentiment will be appreciated, the timing likely won’t be. At least send a text before considering dropping by.

Be Cool If He Needs To Go Home Earlier Than You

If you get your buddy out for the night, know going into the evening that his night will likely end earlier than yours. You know that old adage that “Nothing good happens after 2 A.M.”? Well guess what? It’s all too true. If you have a young son or daughter at home, there’s just no reason to be out throwing back shots at 2 A.M. — ever. Plus, always remember that your buddy’s mornings start earlier than yours. He wakes up when his baby wakes up, whereas you wake up when your body wakes up.

Try And Be Available To Talk

If your friend, the father, calls you at an unusual time, pick up that phone call. His free time is worn thin, his plate is entirely full, yet he’s taking the time to call you. This call could mean one of two things: Your friend needs to use you as that aforementioned sounding board, or, the more enjoyable scenario, he has a rare night out and wants to throw back a few glasses of Dewar's. Either way, don’t ignore that call. Pick it up cause he’s calling for a reason.

Try Not To Talk About How “Cool” Single Life Is

Regardless of whatever situation you or he are in now, human beings always tend to get a bit wistful while thinking of days past. So while nowadays your buddy may be happily married and genuinely in love with being a dad, there also may be a part of him that wishes he could go to Mardi Gras and get weird. But guess what? He can’t. That just ain’t happening. With that said, try and craft your talk of single life carefully. Don’t tell your tales of unattached insanity in a “Don’t you wish you could do this too?” fashion. It’ll only serve to drive a wedge between you, just hammering home how different your lives and priorities have become.

Hang With Him And The Baby

Sure, some quality one-on-one time with your buddy is essential, especially now that his hang time is a bit limited. But it’s also important to spend some time with your friend and his child. He will appreciate this. That kid is going to be a part of your friend’s life forever — literally. Your buddy doesn’t want to feel like you don’t like hanging out with his son or daughter. Pick a day when your friend is watching the kid, sans mom, and tag along. Aside from your friend loving that he can hang out with you while simultaneously being a dad, you’ll have fun too. Kids are a blast.

Always Invite Him To Come Out

Yes, your friend’s life has changed to the point where he can’t always just jump in the car and meet you and the rest of the guys out for beers and wings at a moment’s notice. However, it’s not like the guy is dead, for Christ’s sake. He can’t always make it out, no. That constant freedom is a thing of the past. But dads can still hang out! So extend the invite. It’s not a forgone conclusion that your buddy won’t be able to go to the BBQ, party or poker game. Even if there’s a chance he may have to say no, extend the invite regardless.

Stop Him From Posting Too Many Baby Pictures on Social Media

Yes, certain parents can simply be annoying as hell online — it’s the honest truth. The non-parents out there almost universally get it. You love your child to death, adore him or her beyond comprehension, and are constantly excited to share a moment you find hilarious and/or adorable. And that’s cool. It genuinely is. But then there are those parents who just go nuts, the ones who will post like ten photos a day, every day, for a month straight. If your buddy is being annoying, step up and let him know so — it’s your duty.

Like His Baby Pictures On Social Media

Like it or not, we live in the social media generation. It’s an era where whenever you do something exiting, you feel compelled to instantly post a picture of it to Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Well guess what, guy? When it comes to your buddy, the dad, the most exciting thing in his life is likely his son or daughter. Becoming a parent is a huge, monumental, life-altering event. If it happened to you, you know you’d be posting just as many pictures as he likely is. Try and get on board. Realize just how cool being a father is to your friend, and when he shares a moment in his kid’s life, give him the respect of liking the photo. It’s a simple little thing that he’ll totally appreciate.

Keep Him In The Loop

When a dad settles into his new, arguably tamer, lifestyle, he runs the risk of missing a crazy story or two. Let’s face it, some wild stuff tends to go down past 2 A.M. And while you’re all still friends, your buddies with kids just don’t wind up hanging out as much, meaning that they won’t be present as some new inside jokes get developed, or as certain new memories are made. For the dad — that sucks. Who wants to miss something fun, even if it’s something crazy your pal maybe shouldn’t be around now that he has a child to raise? Either way, always try and keep your buddy in the loop. Always let him know what’s going on with the gang and never make him feel like he’s become an outsider.

Never Lay A Guilt Trip

When you’re a parent, spontaneity regularly goes out the window. Also, things tend to pop up last minute in his life that simply would never be a factor in yours. Maybe a babysitter cancels. Or perhaps the kid is suddenly running a fever. Either way, if your friend has to cancel a plan due to a child-related issue, try and understand where he’s coming from. Don’t be a punk and give him a guilt trip — that’s not cool.

Be A Babysitter If Need Be

Let’s face it, poop happens. Unforeseen events. Emergencies. Hell, even tragedies. In the event that a situation like this does comes up, do your friend a solid and alleviate that last minute stress and simply offer to watch the kid. Hell, maybe it’s not even an emergency at all. Maybe he and the missus just genuinely need a night out alone, just them two. If you’re free, be cool and offer to come by and hang with his son or daughter for the night. You’ll be earning two best friend badges in the process. Not only are you giving your buddy some much-needed alone time, but you’re also bonding with his child, which he’ll appreciate beyond belief.

Plan A Guys' Night Out Ahead of Time

While you may be able to drop everything and take a road trip to Atlantic City on a moment’s notice, your friend simply cannot. He’ll need to think about getting a babysitter. He may need to clear it with his better half. Unlike you, he’ll also have to weigh the “What do I have to do the next day?” factor. When you’re a dad, you’re always on. There’s no off-season. So when you and the boys are planning a wild night, a night in with a bottle of Dewar's, a bachelor's party or vacation, try and give your buddy with a kid a heads up about it as early as possible. He’ll appreciate it. He likely wants to make this happen. The sooner he knows about it, the better chance of him making it a reality.

Be A Sounding Board

Venting is cathartic. When people are mad, or sad, or simply stressed beyond belief, they need someone to unload their problems on. They need a sounding board, a friendly ear to listen to the issue, then possibly help work it out. But your friend, the dad, well, he may have a problem or two that’s been built up, a problem that he just can’t vent about to his wife or girlfriend. Let’s be honest, fellas, those times exist. In that instance, you better be there to lend an ear. Sometimes just yelling and screaming about an issue actually does make it better. Blowing off steam, at times, is a necessity.

Take Him Out For A Dewar's

No one ever says that being a dad is easy. Why? Because it isn’t. And while countless dads will tell you that the rewards of parenthood are immeasurable, it’s also a ton of work. Dads lose sleep. They worry more than single dudes. They often have monetary concerns that others don’t. But you, as a good friend, need to be there to offer up a glass of Dewar's when these familial stressors build up. Did your friend just discover what pre-school is going to cost him next year, almost having a heart attack in the process? Pour him a Dewar's. He needs it.

Find Common Ground

When one friend becomes a father and the other friend does not, your lives veer off down individual, yet vastly different, paths. Your path may lead to a bar, a Tinder date or Coachella, whereas his may lead to Bed, Bath & Beyond, a family picnic or The Wiggles Live. But even though your day-to-day agendas may be wildly different from each other, you’re still friends. Whether it’s a TV show you both love, or a team you both root for, always remember to keep some common ground. Sometimes friendship takes work. The year or so after your friend has his first kid is certainly one of those times.

Put Yourself In His Shoes

When you become a parent, life changes in a multitude of ways. Your schedule, your attitude, your priorities, they all may change — some gradually, some more immediate than others. And while you’re watching your friend’s life transform a bit, try and put yourself in his shoes. Does some part of him wish he could hit happy hour with you? It’s a distinct possibility. But always remember why he can’t. He has newfound responsibilities that simply don’t exist in your life. So while you can go out and get weird just about every Friday night, your pal has to man up and be a good dad.

Ask About The Kids

Once your friend becomes a father, his son or daughter will pretty much always be on his mind. When you’re a new parent, that’s just how it goes. Sure, for your sake he may hold back and not discuss the little rugrat ad nauseam, but you should be cognizant of the fact that he probably does want to talk about the baby. Be a good friend and ask about the kid. Give your buddy an opportunity to discuss this monumental event in his life without feeling like he’s constantly bringing it up