Oft, in my lonely and silent nights, as a float within my tank ruminating upon the remembrances of my past, present, and future, it seems to appear that the very bulk of my career has been spent on trying to fully encompass in understanding both human mating (which is stultifyingly elementary) and "the sexy" (which, to this date, has proved itself a cunning, mutable and dauntless prey.)

In the first case, let me observe that the human mating, she is a binary state: Either it has been lickéd or stickéd, the package delivered to the front door or to the back, the steel tempered and piercing or the lead ductile and "not a big deal, honey; it happens to every one sometimes." Contrast this to the essential exchanges of so very many more advanced replicators — exempli gratis: viruses, prions, jokes, the 17 genders of crabgrass, the friscillant Jenkin's Soggoth of Al-Saldi-Raun, Yog-Sothoth (also known as "The Key and the Gate") — who might in any proportion pass material in among themselves, reforming of their own essence as well as those of their potentional off-spring.

But the Sexy, this is where humans show the infinitely-hued plumage of their psyche. She is an ever-changing, thousand-faceted sum of fancies and desires for which there oft appear to hardly even be the words, let alone the detailed descriptions. Although even the most naive 6-year-old might view of the varied "pr0n" and easily learn to discern this is the mating and this is not the mating and this be the gonzo dirty-more-than-thirty DP with the blowing of the rusty trombone whilst this is clearly the non-procreative money shooting, even they most excellent psychoanalytical doctors, media mongols and pornographers might well argue as to whether this cock of the kisser, that lift of the buttocks, the other rising angle of the neck does or does not constitute the Sexy.

So, then, I come to you, my Dear Readers, and must pose to you this query: Is this man's girl — His daughter? His wife? His baby's momma? His Sheep's dog? — is she The Sexy?

What makes one have the aspect of The Sexy?

Please, join me in my Newswire to discuss this matter most grave. In stating your claim, be sure to use of the concrete examples and/or photo-videographic evidence as needed.

I Remain Endebted to Your Aid,and Your Giant Squid

UPDATE: Our Reader's Advise

If you have to ask then the answer is probably no......unless you're blind, in which event, maybe it doesn't matter too much.

Posted by: the cheese | June 28, 2007 03:17 PM

Sexiness (in contrast to hotness) is primarily determined by attitude; it's more a matter of spin than substance. Compare the badass, sassy playfulness of Femtroopers and the flaccid, soulless gaze of a celebrity convict. While many deem both hot, only the former is sexy.