Archive for August, 2010

So I got back last week from Beijing with my old man and some of his old fart army buddies.

They wanted me to meet some of their Chink army dudes. I went to all these fucking meetings where they just talked on and on about sinking boats and grain deliveries and the fucking Yankees and shit.

Beijing sucks ass, too. All those fucking lights hurt my eyes. I was walking around like after an all night Star Craft session with my team – Team Jong-Un.

In Pyongyang we know to turn the lights out at night. We gotta so those pussyass faggot yankees can’t know where the city is to blow it up and bomb it and shit.

They think we’re just these dumbass bitches but we’s smart like that. Man. I see Seoul all lit up at night and shit and I’m like man, I’m gonna lit that muthafucka up so bad one day and this bitch is all like fuck yeah, J-U.

Beijing is full of round-eyes too. Fuck I hate the round-eyes. We’ll sort those fucks out soon. Lit ’em up like Seoul, yeaaaah.

I got this pretty sweet blinged watch off this nigga at a market but. Pretty cheap too.

Dad says its important the image I’m gonna present when I start to meet with the round-eyes and those pussyass choson bitches in the south and shit.

Round-eye motherfuckers gotta know a guy with a blinging Rollecks is for real, amiright?

Wasn’t all bad, though.

Chink bitches are pretty hot. I told this general guy to go kidnap that Zhang Ziyi bitch and he said he would.

That was the best shit gramps used to do. Kidnapping all these Jap actresses and models and shit.

Jap bitches are cash, dawg.

Also, we got free internet at this hotel we stayed at. The Beijing Nanyuan Airport Holiday Inn Express. Man I was so fucking stuffing myself at that breakfast buffet I could hardly walk back to my room, man.

It’s fucking tiny compared to this bigass hotel we got in Pyongyang – biggest fucking hotel in the world, boyeee. Better believe it. We got the Presidential Suite. It was pretty sweet.

See what I did there faggot?

So I FINALLY got these patches to Win95 that sort out most of the crashes and shit. Those military fucks are gonna be so jealous when I get back and their airforce computers are still all crashing and shit and I’m there styling on Star Craft.

I also ate like a fucking ton of those prawn crackers. Dad said I could take a train carriage full back with me if I promised not to talk about Star Craft or SoShi in front of the Chinks. Those bitches are so hot.

Anyway, turns out when we got back it turns out that all the crackers was all soggy.

Dad said we couldn’t send the general to the coal mines because we needed him to fight the yankees and the southern faggots.

So we just killed the dumbass train dude who let that fucking shit happen and FUCKED UP MY WHOLE DAY.