If you keep your feet firmly on the ground,
you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

That's not funny, that's not even the same zip code as funny

They couldn't repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder

Phone bills are a violation of our right to free speech

Submit your favorite joke here:

A man went to see his Rabbi. He stated in a very serious tone, "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asked, "How can that be?" The man then pleaded, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then said, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi called the man and said, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man anxiously replied, "Yes." "Take the poison," said the Rabbi.