Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

ALL THE HOT SAN FRANCISCO LUCK

The weather in SF is fine. Last week, it wasn't. Really, now is when all of you European tourists should come here, as we are finally the California you've been dreaming about.But your timing is way off - you were all over the place up until last week, bellyaching about the biting cold and the wind and the fog........At present, there are almost none of you around.

No offense, but that is pretty much how we like it.When the weather improves at the end of summer you might see things we would rather you didn't.

Such as bra straps when there is no bra. As passed by while I was outside smoking a moment ago. Honest, I don't know why that woman even wears a bra, no support whatsoever is needed. Nor any uplift. Maybe a touch of lace, but a wispy camisole would accomplish the same. Brassieres are so constricting, don't you agree?Anyway, I'm glad you didn't see that. We deserve something for living here.

Yesterday evening on the cable car you tourists were marked by your complete absence.The cabin was almost empty, except for an elderly Chinese gentleman who had picked his granddaughter up from school. Cute kid. She spent considerable time rooting through her backpack rearranging things. As soon as he dozed off (top of the hill, between Pacific Union and Grace), she frantically started rearranging her clothing. The poor little thing was wearing all synthetics, in bright functional colours and textures. In this weather one should only wear cotton - she must have suffered all day. At one point she reached in and scratched fiercely right where I imagine the waist-band of her panty to be.

Sweetheart, I really don't need to imagine where the waist-band of your panty is..... but neither do the German tourists. They're all horrid perverts, and we're glad there aren't any of them around, aren't we?

This morning, on my way to work, I had a splendid view of a young miss dressed for heat. I was standing, and could look down at the people waiting for the bus - it was far too crowded for any of them to get on.You looked so very very disappointed, my dear - but you also looked like cake, so I'm quite pleased. Sorry.

HOW MIXED ARE THE MESSAGES

Of course, not everything in San Francisco is female.

The strapping fellow on California street last night certainly wasn't. Unfortunately I could see all of his tattoos. I really didn't want to. Why do some men adorn themselves with obscenities? Does it look macho? Is there a frisson of contradictory temptation if a large bosomy goth harpy illustrates your shoulders? Really, do you NEED to have some buxom vampire babe straddling your ripped stomach, rising up from your pubes? And what is the message these sexbabe she-daemon images are supposed to send? Are you confused?I know I am.Do you spend way too much time looking at yourself in the mirror?

Dang, those are some muscles. Looks like pythons in a gunny sack.Slick moist pythons.If you got it, flaunt it, I guess.

Anyhow, that's just a selection of San Francisco sights which you visitors do not need to see. I'm not sure you could handle the excitement - the visual stimulation, plus the heat, would affect your poor shriveled Northern European brains. There's no telling what it might make you do.You all are just lucky you're not here.And so are we.

4 Comments:

"But your timing is way off - you were all over the place up until last week, bellyaching about the biting cold and the wind and the fog......."

Actually, some us us prefer to come to SF for that kind of weather. I had to go out to your city in mid-July for business, and, considering that in CA city it was close to 100 with 400% relative humidity, when I walked out of SFO into 68 degrees I was in heaven. And the clouds usually lifted by noon, so we had sunny afternoons.

Glad you like the cold. We do too – but primarily as a distant memory of summer while the weather slides into a golden October. The heat feels like walking through hot jello. Still. Nice. As a change from fighting off the Snow Weasels.

Feeling a desire to decorate ones body and gets tatoos? "Hmm, I think that if I wanted my body decorated, I'd like it decorated perhaps with a fine layer of fur. Oh,look at that," he says, looking under his shirt, "I'm already good to go! "

I was in SF around July 13. As the plane came down I could see the fog settled om the hills to the north, but the airport was sunny and breezy. When I got off the BART train on Market Street, it was sunny and like a fine spring day back in CA-city. I was quite able to walk around in a short-sleeve shirt with no jacket. I can't see how your Euro visitors were complaining about the cold, unless they were Italians or something.

If the airfare weren't so expensive, I'd take the family out here every summer for vacation (we did do it once, and went hiking in the Sierra Nevada.) As it is, we go to northern New England, the land of "Live Frei or Die," and rent a cabin on a lake and enjoy it going into the 40s at night in August. Alas, while August is cool in northern New England, it can rain a lot, that's something you don't have to worry about in northern California, at least not in the summer.

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About Me

Middle-aged, but younger looking than you. And hardly any arthritis. Really.
Resident of the Bay Area, though formerly of somewhere in the Netherlands - living in Europe with a US passport can be an adventure.
I should also mention that I am not a Red-Sea pedestrian. Make of that what you will.