“What do I have to present [to God]?”

In the holy Dua Abu Hamza, Hazrat [Ali] says to Allah the Exalted, ““Oh God, bestow Your mercy on me when my reasoning fails before You, when I cannot find my tongue to give You answers and when my mind makes a mistake when you ask me a question.” It says that when you ask me a question, I have no answers to give. They ask about our deeds and we should have some answers anyway. However, “I cannot find my tongue to give you answers.” And “My reasoning fails before You.” We usually have some reasons to give: “I did that because of…” However, when they question our reasons, our hands become empty of any reasons. The last part is, “When my mind makes a mistake when you ask me a question.” My mind, my heart and my soul will become confused and bewildered in the face of the questions that are asked in a row. This is what will happen.

I myself have experienced this. This is an experience that I myself went through. I did not want to say it, but it has crossed my mind now and I want to say it. In the year 1360, when that incident occurred to me at Abuzar Mosque [an assassination attempt with a hidden bomb in the mosque], I became unconscious. I was being carried out of the mosque and into the car when I regained my consciousness and lost it again two, three times until I became completely unconscious. During the two, three times that I regained my consciousness temporarily, I once felt that this was the last moment. I completely felt that that moment was the moment of my death. All of a sudden, my entire past life flashed before my eyes. At that moment, I thought to myself, “What do I have to present [to God]?”

I thought very hard and I found out that all of my actions could be questioned. Well, I fought, I went to prison, I was beaten, I became involved in teaching and I endured many difficulties. These are the things that come to one’s mind at that moment. However, I saw that all of those actions could be questioned. They could say to me that on such and such an issue, a non-divine intention had stained my act. So, nothing, it is all gone! I suddenly thought that I was hanging still between the earth and heaven like a person who cannot grasp at anything. I said, “Oh God, I am in such a condition, as you see. Apparently, I do not have anything. My calculations say that I have nothing unless You Yourself show mercy on me.” This condition happens to us. So, we should try to make the most of these opportunities.