Monday, October 30, 2017

Three Reasons Werewolves Make Terrible Composters

Werewolves
may be able to smell prey from miles away, tear through the forest with
impressive speed, and rip their enemies to shreds but, unlike vampires, werewolves do not make great composters.

1.They eat
only meat. Usually raw, sometimes while it is still alive. As we know, meat does not play well in our backyard compost pile.

2.They are
not civilized. Werewolves are too busy howling at the moon and stalking prey to
carry a kitchen pail of food scraps to the bin.

3.Their
strong sense of smell and dog-like behaviors would likely lead to the werewolf
rolling around in the compost pile rather than tending to it.

Never fear, though! We
can learn a few tips from their legendary lack of domesticity.Like our monster canine friends, composters
do have a pack. (I see you driving around town with your “I heart
compost”bumper magnets.) And I would love to borrow those
lycanthrope claws and strength to turn my whole compost pile in a matter of
seconds.

Maybe
we have more in common with werewolves than I originally thought. I may not
have bulging hairy muscles ripping apart my flannel shirt or sharp canines
dripping with infectious saliva, but I can howl at the moon with the best of
them.

Happy
Hallooooweeeen!

If
you are like me and love Halloween and composting, check out our other posts
based on the best holiday of the year: