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September 17, 2011

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I love Beer. If beer had boobs and
would give me a blowjob, I’d marry beer. I’m not saying that it
would be good for me, or that I wouldn’t miss the intimacy,
companionship and emotional support of a real relationship. I’m
just saying, I can think of a whole lot of reasons:

Why Beer is Better Than a Girlfriend

Beer won’t make you take out the
garbage.

Beer won’t dump you for another guy.

Beer doesn’t care whom you have sex
with.

Beer won’t want to introduce you to
its parents.

Beer won’t want to introduce you to
its friends.

Beer doesn’t call its mother every
week.

Beer doesn’t mind if you play video
games all weekend.

Beer doesn’t care if you look at porn
on the Internet.

Beer won’t correct you in public.

Beer will never remind you what an ass
you were.

Beer doesn’t care what the bathroom
looks like.

Beer never buys new clothes.

Beer never ogles expensive jewelry.

Beer isn’t looking for “commitment”.

Beer doesn’t care how much beer you
drink.

Beer doesn’t mind if you hang out in
the garage with your friends until 3:00am.

Your friends like beer.

Beer likes to go fishing.

Beer loves football.

Beer doesn’t expect you to call.

Beer won’t be upset if you’re late.

Beer doesn’t care how you look.

Beer doesn’t care how much money you
make.

Beer never has a headache.

You always know where to find beer when
you need it.

You can always find a beer that’s
within your budget.

Beer likes heavy metal.

Beer doesn’t mind being left in the
refrigerator when you don’t want it around.