7 tips to writing the perfect LinkedIn article

I see a huge volume of articles on LinkedIn, and sometimes even read them, and it has occurred to me that there might be a spambot out there coughing up these things to a precise formula. In an attempt to warn everyone (“Soylent – it’s people!”), here is how to spot them (or, alternatively, write the rules for your own spambot).

1. Topic:

Must be relevant to the business goals of your readers (e.g. get ahead!, communicate better!, corner the world’s supply of exclamation marks!!!) or about how business and your personal life are really the same thing (e.g. why you should work with friends, why you should never work with friends, why you should marry/never marry your job/co-worker/laptop, why your children should work for your business on the weekends)

2. Format:

No question – it has to be a list. Five, seven or ten are most popular, but feel free to change it up with a stolid eight or a cheeky nine – you can’t go wrong (as long as the number isn’t 13, or more than 15). Do also throw in a photo of you looking dynamic, possibly speaking to a crowd of rapt onlookers, for good measure

3. Style:

Authoritative, with a hint huge splash of self-referential stuff (check out www.sooqini.com please), and leavened with a bit of humour, and self deprecation (not too much, else it won’t be authoritative). Make sure to not say anything that people don’t already know, and be very black and white – no room for the wishy-washy here

4. Length:

Slightly longer than your average blog post, so 500 words or so, enough to make your presumably avid reader scroll a bit at the end to get to the happy ending, and possibly see that there is a place to comment as well

5. Comments:

Never reply to your readers’ comments – remain above the fray and let the hoi polloi ruminate on the meaning of your pearls of wisdom. (Unless your topic was about engagement, communications or crowd-sourcing ideas, in which case, do the opposite)

6. Frequency:

At least once a month, and possibly twice a month – make sure you are in front of people enough that they start to get the impression that you are everywhere, involved in everything, but not so much that they won’t read the next one

7. Fillers:

Never ever use fillers. Unless you need to get that last list point in somehow, and have run out of ideas.

So that’s it. Be on the lookout for these dastardly ways to waste your time now you know how to spot them (see point 3), and remember folks, just say no…(!)