Transgender lives from an African perspective

Be Resilient

Yesterday Chayton and I were going through my old diaries and while doing so I kept thinking of how far I have come in terms of my life and my journey.

Back in 2008, living in a small room that was basically a corridor and where I could spread my hands and touch the walls, I wasn’t doing well. I had just cleared high school and was working at a hotel. I was also going to night school. My life was basically work-school-home-work-school-home. Nothing else was acceptable, except for Sundays when I would go to church and keep up with the image that everyone else had come to know about me.

I was not happy.

I kept dreaming and writing in my diary about my dreams of how I would be dressing up in pretty outfits and working just like any normal girl and going to night school and basically having the time of my life. That life was so far out of reach that I couldn’t imagine a situation where it would ever happen.

But I was resilient. I had a plan.

I had already informed my mom about my trans identity and we had formulated a plan. I was to go to school and work my ass off and get some education and some savings to be able to finance the transition.

Looking back at this, I realise that we all make plans in life and they don’t always work out as perfectly as we expect them to. I was fortunate enough to have a mother (and family) that was supportive and walked with me through the first few years of my transition. My mother and family continue to be supportive to this day and even now, the conversation about my transition never comes up. If anything, we talk about marriage and growing up and having more adult responsibilities with my cousins!

I am grateful for the strides I have made so far. I am grateful for my mother, my family, and my chosen family, who have been there for me through thick and thin. I couldn’t have done it as easily without them.

My advice for today to you, trans person reading this, is to work on being positive. Yes, life might seem bleak prior to transition and especially so when you know exactly what you want and you can picture it but it just doesn’t seem to be realisable at the moment, but always remember that things don’t remain the same for too long. As long as you put in the effort and energy and positivity towards achieving your goals, they become more achievable as time goes by. Life doesn’t remain still. Everything you do affects how you progress. What you think, you become. If you think negatively, it reflects negatively on you. If you think positively, it reflects positively on you. Never let the negativity surrounding you put you down and never let the words of others count in your life than the words of yourself. Practise positive statements and see the difference it makes in your life. Write down 100 things that are positive about you. Read them to yourself every day.

Also, make a plan and stick to it. Transitioning is expensive and time consuming. There are many steps that are necessary to ensuring you transition well. Read about these steps. Learn about all the things you need prior to making any step. Make Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic and Time-bound (SMART) goals towards this and stick to your goals. They don’t have to be big goals. You could say “I want to wear something feminine every day for the next two weeks” (If you are transfeminine). See how that makes a difference in your self-worth and self-esteem and keep making more goals and work towards achieving them. You will notice that the more you achieve the smaller goals, the bigger goals don’t seem so out of reach anymore and you begin seeing a possibility towards becoming the person you always have been.

Try it out. Let us know how it works through the comments section. We’d love to hear from you!