Because no holiday (or whatever is its we’re calling Halloween these days) is complete without a listicle, here are five creepy books. As chosen by me and in no particular order.

1. “Frankenstein,” Mary Shelley
As the story goes, Shelley wrote this book at 19 years old, as part of a horror-story competition with a bunch of other 19th century authors. Looks like she was the big winner because, close to 200 years later the story — or some form of it — continues to be enjoyed. If you think you know Frankenstein and haven’t read Shelley’s version, make it a priority.2. “Bedbugs,” Ben H. Winters
As introduction, Winters may be best known as the guy behind “Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters,” and “Android Karenina.” Don’t let that trick you. Here, he created a story of New York paranoia that rivals “Rosemary’s Baby.”

1) Halloween is secular. It transcends traditional cultural boundaries and brings groups of people together that typically may celebrate apart. Further, no matter who you are, this holiday offers equal-opportunity fun. I’ll never forget living in married student housing at U.C. Davis, and witnessing the sheer joy of the international students AND their kids experiencing trick-or-treating for the first time. Dress in silly clothes, go house to house and get free candy? How crazy cool is that?

2) Halloween a holiday over which kids actually have some control. Christmases and birthdays and other gift-receiving holidays may focus in part on kids, but from the food to the decor to the timing of everything — adults tend to plan it all. But Halloween? KIDS get to decide their fate, from what is worn to how the evening spent — what paths to take while trick-or-treating, who to go with, whether to carry a plastic bag or a pillow case… (SIDE NOTE: Always a pillow case. Size and durability win every time.) And as you age, your inner kid is always welcome.

3) On Halloween, the focus is on fun. You dress up, you act silly, you eat a ton of sugar, you spend an evening laughing and inevitably talking to neighbors you otherwise ignore. And invariably, you come away with stories.

THE BEST stories. Everyone has a Halloween story. In fact, most people have a good 4 or 5 really GOOD Halloween stories.

So let’s share them:

One quick one: One year I went as a stick of Wrigley’s Double Mint gum. There was no bending, no sitting, hardly any movement– as I was wearing a giant box that my genius invented and my mother then came up with the creative awesome to pull off. I remember she used green shelf contact paper to color the box green and she cut each letter out and stuck it on the box. It was perfect. Except for the zero ability to move part.

Newly married, my wife and I had been in our first home for about a month, and not all windows had coverings. The budget was tight and that required us to improvise. So, we started to use an old rice paper partition to block our dining room window at night. This worked great.

We were both working hard and my hours were especially long — some evenings by the time I got home my newlywed wife was hours into her slumber. Our weekends where cherished as this allowed time for us to be together and explore the fun things to do in the Valley. Road trips!

After visiting the Sierra for most of the day we returned home; it was late. I was unpacking the car when my wife asked me, “Steven, why did you move the partition?” When I explained to her that I had not touched it there was doubt in her response: “… So, you did not slide it over toward the corner?” Again I said I had not. So I had to ask her, “Are you sure it’s not in the same place — maybe you moved it when you vacuumed or something?”

No word on whether the stores are selling the unflattering flesh-colored bikini. But they are selling the foam finger. This one has red nails. (I hope no one donates this to one of those thrift shop stores downtown that carry so many Halloween costumes. You know where that foam finger has been.) And let’s be clear. The Miley Cyrus costume is an adult women’s costume, not a girl’s. (Please, please, please don’t let a child’s version exist.)

SPIRIT also carries the Robin Thicke black-and-white striped suit and an employee at the Halloween Express store on Sunnyside reports that men are buying the Beetlejuice costume without the mask so they can dress up as Robin Thicke.

Ever since a former colleague dressed up as a “White House leak” I’ve thought that current events and pop culture references make some of the most entertaining costumes. SPIRIT actually tracks this stuff and reports that Snooki was a popular costume two years ago (at $6.97, it’s really cheap). The Saturday Night Live Spartan cheerleader costume was big in 2001. So what are you planning to dress up as this year? Any costumes referencing current events or pop culture? (Maybe I’ll include them in a column I’m working on.) How do you dress up as a government shutdown anyway?

I don’t want to overstate anything but Halloween is possibly the GREATEST holiday ever in the history of ever — EVER — and if you disagree, it’s only probably because you are stupid.

Because it is the greatest holiday that is aimed at tongue-in-cheek-cheekiness, centered on spooky AND goofy, and allows me to fabulously redecorate my home in an obvious, DIY, kitschy/campy/awesome-with-a-hint-of-lame way, every year my family hosts a huge Halloween party. Our kids invite skads of friends, we invite loads of our adult friends and we all celebrate — pretending we’re kids (while the kids — especially the teens — pretend to be older).

Suffice it to say, I’m a huge Halloween fan. And being that it’s already the last weekend in September, it’s time to start decorating.

While right now the Halloween stores are offering all kinds of expensive, creepy items to up your decor, you can save a boatload of money with ingenuity and construction paper.

So I’m working on a Halloween spending story and came across this at a SPIRIT Halloween store at Shaw Avenue and First Street. I can’t decide if these zombie, nose-picking babies are gross, scary or funny. Actually, you know what really creeps me out? Do you see the little photo bomber hiding to the right of the right-most nose picker, the one who has one eye peeking out? That almost looks like it’s real, like he’s waiting til I turn away to start following me or something…

There are few people who have had more of an influence on music history than Ozzy Osbourne and Geezer Butler. Through their work in Black Sabbath, the pair pioneered the heavy metal sound that continues to resonate 45 years later. The proof is in their latest album, “13,” a monster hit for the band.

I had a chance to talk with the pair when they showed up at Universal Studios Hollywood to check out an attraction created around the new album as part of this year’s “Halloween Horror Nights” at the theme park. The scares start Friday night.

Both are excited about the reaction they’re getting from the album.

“We are doing a tour right now and it’s great to see the response that we’re getting. What we are seeing is that fathers, their sons, and their sons are coming to the concerts. They all know the songs. That’s amazing because when I was kid, the simple fact my father liked something, I was like (expletive deleted) it,” Osbourne says. “The fact the younger kids are digging it is amazing.”

About a year ago — before my latest stint here at The Bee — Bob Rodriguez interviewed my awesome and humble self for a piece he was doing on Halloween candy. The take was, what do you do with leftover candy?

As the mother of an unfathomable number of children, we get flooded — like Colorado-style flooded – with candy. And there is no way THIS mom can afford THAT much dialysis or that many sets of dentures if all that candy is consumed. A simple little liver transplant for me is another story.

That’s why my contribution to his article was to suggest taking the candy– particularly the hard candies or the candy corn — and creating an infused vodka with it.

UPDATE: Happy Halloween everyone! To help you in your journey for Halloween fun, I’m updating this post, clearing out the weekend events and adding a few new happenings for tonight. The links below are still good, so be sure to check them out too if you want something other than nightclub events.

1. DO SOMETHING HALLOWEEN-ISH
With that unfortunate Halloween-falling-on-a-Wednesday thing, this weekend promises to be full of slutty nurses roaming your neighborhood bar. We’ll be back with a full rundown of Halloween happenings, but here are a few top options. The party at The Standard is pretty big each year. King Sugar‘s Eureka Burger show makes the list off the flier alone — but they’ve got cool ska flavors too. And who doesn’t want to parade their dog around the Tower District?

If you’re a Halloween addict and want to get the most out of the spookiest time of year, then you should know that many of our local haunted attractions are open as of this weekend. Here’s a quick rundown:

Haunted Fresno: This downtown haunt features six attractions and tonight is opening night. Word is you can get free Monster energy drinks tonight. They’re also letting 100 underprivileged kids in free tonight. Awww. Anyhow, hit up their site for more info, special nights, etc.

Raisin Hell Ranch: If haunted cornfields are your thing, then head to this three-attraction ranch in Madera. It’s open starting tonight. More info here.

The Grove: A Sanger staple in 13th year, The Grove opened last weekend. It features haunted attractions and has all makings of a spooky street fair, whether you’re looking for pumpkins or something to eat. Get all the details here.

Raven’s Gate: This newer haunted, located in Parlier, has an early-opening discount night on Saturday, then opens for its regular season next Thursday. It includes a haunted forest, hayride and more. Read up.

I’m not sure whether 5th Realm is open this year. It was supposed to move from Sierra Vista Mall to the Fresno Fairgrounds, but I haven’t heard anything and its website hasn’t been updated. I’ll update if I learn anything more.

While we’re celebrating the prospect of a weekend without 100-degree temperatures, some people are already thinking about Halloween. Specifically our local haunted attractions. This weekend, three of them are holding auditions.

Haunted Fresno has its auditions Saturday for returning actors and Sunday for new actors. More info here.

It’s for Halloween for reals — not to be confused with the week’s worth of Halloween parties that led up to tonight where girls could dress up like as a slutty [insert costume idea here] and guys could try to hit on them.

Sure, Halloween night still has a number of those parties, but it’s also offers the tried-and-true traditions — like trick-or-treating or, conversely, walking up and down the streets of the Tower District aimlessly. The choice is yours.

1. LIVE LIKE A NEANDERTHALNeanderthals — one of Fresno’s favorite party bands in the late ’80s — has a reunion gig Saturday night at Fulton 55. If it’s anyting like that Wild Blue Yonder reunion, you can expect a big ol’ crowd. [Tickets]

ORLA FALLON: If you remember the group Celtic Woman, then you probably remember Fallon. She was a vocalist with the Irish group — popular with the PBS crowd — but since has branched off into a solo career and has had her own PBS special. Catch her tonight at Tower Theatre. [More info]

Halloween is right around the corner, and the weeks leading up to it offer plenty of options for Halloween-themed festivities and trips to our various haunted attractions.

This year’s crop of haunted attraction is bigger than ever — with a new haunted in Visalia (Fear Factory), two new places that were born out of the owner’s of Hobb’s Grove divorcing (The Grove and The Raven’s Gate). Clovis’ Fright Night Scream Park has a new name — 5th Realm, while The Patch, a more kid-friendly option, has moved from North Fresno to Old Town Clovis. Then there’s Haunted Fresno and Raisin Hell Ranch, both of which are back for another year.

If you’re looking for events — either at clubs or out in the community — check out the vast number of options below. If you’ve got something going on that’s not here, go ahead and leave a comment telling everyone about it.

If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.

That’s just one great part. Do yourself a favor and take five minutes to read the entire thing, then pass it along to someone else.

It’s a boy! We are elated to announce the birth of a baby Sumatran orangutan born yesterday afternoon, October 31st. The birth is a significant accomplishment due to their endangered status. Sara and her son will be resting off exhibit for a yet to be determined length of time.

For the most part, the kids were kind, cute and grateful to be taking my Kit Kats. But there were offenders, oh yes there were.

Here are some of the people who were not treats. (Note: Offenders not pictured)

The Cell Phone Talker: I had three different people come to my door last night while on a cell phone. I’m not talking about parents on phones, standing behind their kids. I’m talking about people holding out bags wanting my nom-noms. Look, I’m as tethered to my phone as anyone, and even I’ll admit this was ridiculous. A special shout out to the tween girl on her phone who said neither “trick or treat” nor “thank you.” I think Microsoft made a commercial about you. No … really!

The Possibly Lying Adult: “Oh, can I have one more for my other kid who is sick at home?” What that really means is: “I think you’re an idiot and I’m gonna try to get more candy out of you. You don’t know how many kids I have, sucker! This Butterfinger is going to work with me tomorrow.” Maybe you really do have a sick kid at home. Maybe I’m just cynical. But I doubt it.