The scariest things in Christianity: Biblical Prophecies.

What the scariest things are in Christianity: this infatuation with biblical prophecy and this notion that Jesus is going to come back as an avenging savior to kill all the bad people. The following are the false Prophecies, Promises in the Bible.

Genesis

“But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.”
God says that if Adam eats from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, then the day that he does so, he will die. But later Adam eats the forbidden fruit (3:6) and yet lives for another 930 years (5:5). 2:17
As a punishment for killing Abel, God says Cain will be “a fugitive and a vagabond.” Yet in just a few verses (4:16-17) Cain will settle down, marry, have a son, and build a city. This is not the activity one would expect from a fugitive and a vagabond. 4:12
God promises Abram and his descendants all of the land of Canaan. But both history and the bible (Acts 7:5 and Hebrews 11:13) show that God’s promise to Abram was not fulfilled. 13:15, 15:18, 17:8, 28:13-14
How long was the Egyptian captivity? This verse says 400 years, but Exodus 12:40 and Galatians 3:17 say 430 years. 15:13
“In the fourth generation they [Abraham’s descendants] shall come hither again.” But, if we count Abraham, then their return occurred after seven generations: Abraham, Isaac (Gen 21:1-3), Jacob (Gen.25:19-26), Levi (Gen 35:22-23), Kohath (Ex 6:16), Amramn (Ex 6:18), and Moses (Ex 6:20). 15:16
God promises to make Isaac’s descendents as numerous as “the stars of heaven”, which, of course, never happened. The Jews have always been, and will always be, a small minority. 22:17-18, 26:4
God renames Jacob twice (32:28, 35:10 ). God says that Jacob will henceforth be called Israel, but the Bible continues to call him Jacob anyway (47:28-29). And even God himself calls him Jacob in 46:2. 32:28, 35:10
God calls Jacob Jacob, though he said in Gen.32:28 and 35:10 that he would no longer be called Jacob but Israel. 46:2
God promises to bring Jacob safely back from Egypt, but Jacob dies in Egypt (Gen.47:28-29) 46:3
The tribe of Judah will reign “until Shiloh,” but Israel’s first king (Saul) was from the tribe of Benjamin (Acts 13:21), and most of the time after this prophecy there was no king at all. 49:10
“He washed his garments in wine … His eyes shall be red with wine.”
Did Judah really wash his clothes in wine? Were his eyes bloodshot from drinking too much? Or is this a prophecy of Jesus? (I didn’t know Jesus had a drinking problem.) 49:11-12
Contrary to the prophecy in 48:21, Joseph died in Egypt, not Israel. Gen.50:24

Exodus

God promises to cast out many nations including the Canaanites and the Jebusites. But he was unable to fulfill his promise. 33:2
In this verse God says he will write on the stone tablets, but in 34:27 he tells Moses to do the writing. 34:1

Numbers

“If there be a prophet among you, I the LORD will … speak unto him in a dream.” Now there’s a reliable way to communicate with someone! 12:6

Deuteronomy

God promises to cast out seven nations including the Amorites, Canaanites, and the Jebusites. But he was unable to fulfill his promise. 7:1
God says that the Israelites will destroy all of the peoples they encounter. But according to Joshua (15:63, 16:10, 17:12-13) and Judges (1:21, 27-36, 3:1-5) there were some people they just couldn’t kill. 7:24
God’s favorite people will never be infertile (neither will their cows!) and will never get sick. (God will send infertility and diseases on the other guys.) 7:14-15
Prophets and dreamers are to be executed if they say or dream the wrong things. 13:1-5
False prophets are to be (you guessed it) executed. How do you know who is a false prophet? By whether or not their predictions come true. (Watch out Jehovah’s Witnesses!) 18:20
Misquoted in Rom.10:8. 30:14
God promises to “destroy these nations before thee.” That he didn’t keep his promise see Joshua 15:63, 16:10, Judges 1:21, 1:27-36, and 3:1-5. 31:3-6

Joshua

God promises to give Joshua all of the land that his “foot shall tread upon.” He says that none of the people he encounters will be able to resist him. But later we find that God didn’t keep his promise, and that many tribes withstood Joshua’s attempt to steal their land. 1:3-5
Joshua tells the Israelites that God will “without fail” drive out the Canaanites and the Jebusites. But later, the Bible tells us that he could not drive them out. 3:10
This verse says that Ai was never again occupied after it was destroyed by Joshua. But Nehemiah (7:32) lists it among the cities of Israel at the time of the Babylonian captivity. 8:28
God promised the Israelites that he would drive out all the inhabitants of the lands they pass through. But this verse shows that he didn’t keep his promise since he couldn’t drive out the Jebusites. 15:63
“And they drave not out the Canaanites.” Once again God fails keep his promise to destroy all the people the Israelites encounter. 16:10
The Israelites, contrary to God’s promises to them, could not drive out the Canaanites. 17:12-13
Joshua tells Manasseh that he will be able to drive out the Canaanites, but it turns out (see 1:27-28) that he couldn’t do it. 17:17-18
According to these verses, God fulfilled his promise to give the Israelites all of the lands that they encountered. But in several places the Bible tells us that these promises were not kept. 21:43-45
Judges

God promised many times that he would drive out all the inhabitants of the lands they encountered. But these verses show that God failed to keep his promise since he was unable to driver out the Canaanites. 1:21, 27-30
God promised many times that he would drive out all the inhabitants of the lands they encountered. But these verses show that God failed to keep his promise since he was unable to drive out the Canaanites. 3:1-5

2 Samuel

“Thy kingdom shall be established for ever.”
God says that Davids’s kingdom will last forever. It didn’t of course. It was entirely destroyed about 400 years after Solomon’s death, never to be rebuilt. 7:13, 16

1 Kings

God puts a “lying spirit” in the mouth of his prophets. 22:22

2 Kings

God promises Josiah that he will have a peaceful death. But Josiah’s death was anything but peaceful. (2 Kg 23:29-30, 2 Chr 35:23-24) 22:20
In Jeremiah (34:4) God tells Zedekiah that he will die in peace and be buried with his fathers. But this verse and Jer 52:10-11 say that he died a violent death in a foreign land. 25:7

2 Chronicles

The trouble with prophets 18:5-34
God puts lies into the mouths of his prophets and speaks evil about people. 18:21-22
Josiah died from an arrow wound in battle, not “in peace” as is promised in 2 Kings 22:20. 35:23
According to this verse, Jeremiah prophesied that King Cyrus would rebuild the temple in Jerusalem. But there is no such prophecy in Jeremiah. Maybe the author was thinking of Isaiah (44:28, 45:1) or Ezra (1:1-2, 4:3, 5:13-17, 6:3). 36:22

Psalms

Misquoted in Ephesians 4:8, which says: “Wherefore he saith, When he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men.”
The author changed the words and meaning of the psalm from “received gifts” to “gave gifts”. 68:18
Misquoted in Matthew 13:35. 78:2-3
“I have sworn unto David my servant, Thy seed will I establish for ever, and build up thy throne to all generations.” But the Davidic line of Kings ended with Zedekiah; there were none during the Babylonian captivity, and there are none today. 89:3-4, 34-37

Isaiah

God told Isaiah to tell Ahaz, the King of Judah, not to be concerned about Rezin (the king of Syria) or Pekah (the king of Israel). But according to 2 Chr 28:5-6 “God delivered him [Ahaz] into the hand of the king of Syria; and they smote him, and carried away a great multitude of them captives, and brought them to Damascus. And he was also delivered into the hand of the king of Israel, who smote him with a great slaughter.” 7:3-7
The King James Version mistranslates the Hebrew word “almah”, which means “young woman” as “virgin”. (The Hebrew word, “bethulah”, means “virgin”.) In addition, the young woman referred to in this verse was living at the time of the prophecy. And Jesus, of course, was called Jesus — and is not called Emmanuel in any verse in the New Testament. 7:14
9/11 was a divine act of terrorism. If we rebuild, God will force us to eat our own arms. (Or something like that.)
(See WND for the exciting details) 9:10-20
As a sign that he’s getting ready to destroy the world, God will destroy the whole universe. 13:10-13
These verses falsely predict that Babylon will never again be inhabited. 13:19-20
Dragons will live in Babylonian palaces and satyrs will dance there. 13:21-22
Every head will be bald, every beard will be shaved, and everyone will howl and weep abundantly. 15:2-3
“Therefore shall Moab howl for Moab, every one shall howl.” 16:7
“Within three years … the glory of Moab shall be contemned, with all that great multitude; and the remnant shall be very small and feeble.” 16:14
This verse prophesies that Damascus will be completely destroyed and no longer be inhabited. Yet Damascus has never been completely destroyed and is one of the oldest continuously inhabited cities. 17:1
God will ride in on a cloud and scare the hell out of the Egyptians. 19:1
The river of Egypt (identified as the Nile in RSV) shall dry up. This has never occurred. 19:5
“The land of Judah shall be a terror unto Egypt.” Judah never invaded Egypt and was never a military threat to Egypt. 19:17
This verse predicts that there shall be five cities in Egypt that speak the Canaanite language. But that language was never spoken in Egypt, and it is extinct now. 19:18
These verses predict that the Egyptians will worship the Lord (Yahweh) with sacrifices and offerings. But Judaism has never been an important religion in Egypt. 19:18-21
These verses predict that there will be an alliance between Egypt, Israel, and Assyria. But there has never been any such alliance, and it’s unlikely that it ever will since Assyria no longer exists. 19:23-24
“They have … changed the ordinance. There is a crying for wine in the streets; all joy is darkened, the mirth of the land is gone.”
Is this a prophecy about prohibition in the United States? 24:5-11
“The priest and the prophet have erred through strong drink.” You can’t even trust a drunken prophet anymore. 28:7
“Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD, Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner stone, a sure foundation: he that believeth shall not make haste.”
Misquoted in Romans 9:33 as: “As it is written, Behold, I lay in Sion a stumblingstone and rock of offence: and whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.” 28:16
“The light of the moon shall be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun shall be sevenfold.” Well, this is one prophecy that will never come true. Since the moon has no light of its own, but only reflects that of the sun, it could never shine like the sun. And the sun will not, at least not while there are humans to see it, shine 7 times as bright as it does now. 30:26
“The host of heaven shall be dissolved … and … shall fall down.”
The stars will dissolve and fall from the sky. 34:4
“Henceforth there shall no more come into thee [Jerusalem] the uncircumcised and the unclean.” But many uncircumcised people have visited and occupied Jerusalem after this prophecy was made. 52:1
Isaiah 53 is probably the most often used “prophecy” that is claimed by Christian apologists to refer to Jesus. But the context indicates otherwise. The “suffering servant” that is referred to here is Israel, not Jesus. 53:1-12
Nations that do not serve Israel will perish. 60:12
“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me.”
These words were spoken by Isaiah and referred to Isaiah. They were not a prophecy about a future prophet, as Jesus claimed in Luke 4:16-19, where he supposedly read these verses in the synagogue while applying them to himself. 61:1-2

Jeremiah

Jeremiah prophesies that all nations of the earth will embrace Judaism. This has not happened. 3:17
“The prophets prophesy falsely.” 5:31
God will make Jerusalem an uninhabited “den of dragons.” 9:11
Judah will become a desolate den of dragons. 10:22
“The prophets prophesy lies” in God’s name. 14:14
God will destroy by famine and sword those who are misled by the prophets, as well as the prophets themselves. 14:15-16
Matthew (1:12) lists Jeconiah as an ancestor of Jesus — which, according to this prophecy, disqualifies Jesus as the Messiah. 22:28-30
God’s prophets are profane, wicked, adulterous, lying sodomites. 23:11-14
God damned lying prophets 23:25-40
God says he is going to punish Nebuchadnezzar and the Babylonians for what they have done to his people — even though God Himself is the one who made the Babylonians attack and enslave Judah! As part of the punishment God will take the land of the Babylonians and “make it perpetual desolations.” A false prophecy, since present-day Iraq is quite occupied.25:12-13
Hananiah vs. Jeremiah: Good Prophet, Bad Prophet 28:1-17
A new prophet shows up proclaiming the good news: God was going to break the yoke of Babylon and bring the people of Judah back home. His name was Hananiah. 28:1-4
God kills Hananiah for disagreeing with Jeremiah. 28:16-17
God will send his usual blessings upon his people: “the sword, the famine, and the pestilence.” He “will make them like vile figs, that cannot be eaten, they are so evil.” 29:17-18
Matthew (2:17-18) quotes this verse, claiming that it was a prophecy of King Herod’s alleged slaughter of the children in and around Bethlehem after the birth of Jesus. But this passage refers to the Babylonian captivity, as is clear by reading the next two verses (16 and 17), and, thus, has nothing to do with Herod’s massacre. 31:15
Misquoted in Hebrews 8:9 as:
“Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day when I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt; because they continued not in my covenant, and I regarded them not, saith the Lord.” 31:32
“David shall never want a man to sit upon the throne of the house of Israel.” But the Davidic line of Kings ended with Zedekiah; there were none during the Babylonian captivity, and there are none today. 33:17
God lies to Zedekiah again by telling him that he will die in peace and be buried with his fathers. But later (2 Kgings 25:7 and 52:10-11) he dies a violent death in a foreign land. 34:2, 5
The beginning of the end for Zedekiah. Despite God’s earlier assurances (34:5) that he would die peacefully at home, here Zedekiah watches as his children are killed and then has his eyes put out and he is shackled and taken to Babylon. 39:6-7
All those who move to Egypt will die by the sword, famine, or pestilence. None “shall escape from the evil” that comes directly from God. But many, including Jews, have moved to Egypt and most seem to have escaped from God’s promised evil. 42:15-18, 22
God will kill the young men of Damascus and set the city on fire. (Some Christians believe this prophecy is being fulfulled today in Syrian civil war.) 49:26-27
Jeremiah predicts that humans will never again live in Hazor, but will be replaced by dragons. But people still live there and dragons have never been seen. 49:33
God prophesies that Babylon will never again be inhabited. But it has been inhabited constantly since the prophecy was supposedly made, and is inhabited still today. 50:39
God says that Babylon will be desolate and uninhabited forever. He says that only dragons will live there. But Babylon has been dragon-free and continuously inhabited since then. 51:26, 29, 37, 43, 62, 64
“The sea is come up upon Babylon: she is covered with the multitude of the waves thereof.” 51:42
God promised Zedekiah (Jeremiah 34:5) that he would die peacefully and be buried with his fathers. But here we see that he died a miserable death in foreign land. 52:10-11

Lamentations

The “prophets also find no vision from the LORD.” 2:9
“Thy prophets have seen vain and foolish things for thee.” 2:14

Ezekiel

“Son of man, prophesy against the prophets of Israel that prophesy.” 13:2
God deceives some of his prophets and then kills them for believing his lies. 14:9
Ezekiel prophesies that Tyrus will be completely destroyed by Nebuchadrezzar and will never be built again. But it wasn’t destroyed, as evidenced by the visits to Tyre by Jesus and Paul (Mt 15:21, Mk 7:24, 31, Acts 21:3). 26:14,21, 27:36, 28:19
Ezekiel prophesies that Israel will reside in its homeland safely and securely, never again to fight neighboring nations. 28:24-26
Ezekiel makes another false prophecy: that Egypt would be uninhabited by humans or animals for forty years after being destroyed by Nebuchadrezzar. But there was never a time when Egypt was uninhabited. Humans and animals have lived there continuously since Ezekiel’s prophecy. 29:10-11
“The day of the LORD is near … it shall be the time of the heathen.” 30:3
The rivers of Egypt (identified as the Nile in NIV, NASB, and RSV) shall dry up. This has never occurred. 30:12
Ezekiel prophesies God will protect the Israelites from “the heathen”. “And they shall be safe in their land.” But the Israelites have never lived peacefully with their neighbors, and they’ve never been safe from attack. 34:28-29
“And David my servant shall be king over them.”
How’s that supposed to happen? David had been dead (if he ever lived) for more than 400 years when these words were written. 37:24
“Thou shalt come up against my people of Israel … in the latter days, and I will bring thee against my land, that the heathen may know me … O Gog.” 38:16

Daniel

“I was astonished at the vision, but none understood it.” (If Daniel couldn’t understand his visions, then how could anyone else?) This is the one true prophecy in the book of Daniel: “none understood it.” 8:27

Hosea

“After two days will he revive us: in the third day he will raise us up, and we shall live in his sight.”
This may be the verse referred to in Luke 18:31-33 and 1 Corinthians 15:3-4. However, Hosea 6:2 refers to the people living at the time (hence “us”) who were to be torn up by God and therefore cannot be fulfilled by the the death and resurrection of Jesus. 6:2
“The prophet is a fool, the spiritual man is mad.” 9:7
“When Israel was a child, then I loved him, and called my son out of Egypt.”
Matthew (2:15) claims that the flight of Jesus’ family to Egypt is a fulfillment of this verse. But Hosea 11:1 is not a prophecy at all. It is a reference to the Hebrew exodus from Egypt and has nothing to do with Jesus. Matthew tries to hide this fact by quoting only the last part of the verse (“Out of Egypt I have called my son”). 11:1

Joel

“The day of the LORD cometh, for it is nigh at hand.” 1:15, 2:1, 3:14

Amos

God shows Amos a basket of summer fruit and tells him that the end has come. 8:1-2
“They shall no more be pulled up out of their land which I have given them.” Despite this promise, the Jews have been continually uprooted and their lives disrupted. Even today, their land ownership is far from secure. 9:15

Obadiah

“For the day of the Lord is near upon all the heathen.” If so, then it must have come and past, unnoticed, long before the birth of Christ. 15

Jonah

Jonah prophesies that in forty days Nineveh shall be overthrown. But it didn’t happen because God repented. 3:4, 10

Micah

Watch out for lying prophets that bite (with their teeth). 3:5
“The prophets thereof divine for money.” Some things never change. 3:11
In the last days God will put “the mountain of the house of the Lord” on “top of the mountains.” 4:1
“But thou, Bethlehem Ephratah, though thou be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting.”
The gospel of Matthew (2:5-6) claims that Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem fulfils this prophecy. But this is unlikely for two reasons.
“Bethlehem Ephratah” in Micah 5:2 refers not to a town, but to a clan: the clan of Bethlehem, who was the son of Caleb’s second wife, Ephrathah (1 Chr 2:18, 2:50-52, 4:4).
The prophecy (if that is what it is) does not refer to the Messiah, but rather to a military leader, as can be seen from verse 5:6. This leader is supposed to defeat the Assyrians, which, of course, Jesus never did.
It should also be noted that Matthew altered the text of Micah 5:2 by saying: “And thou Bethlehem, in the land of Juda” rather than “Bethlehem Ephratah” as is said in Micah 5:2. He did this, intentionally no doubt, to make the verse appear to refer to the town of Bethlehem rather than the family clan. 5:2

Zephaniah

“The day of the LORD is at hand.” 1:7
“The great day of the LORD is near.” 1:14
“And men shall worship him, every one from his place, even all the isles of the heathen.” 2:11
“The cormorant and the bittern shall lodge in the upper lintels of it.”
A prophecy for birdwatchers. 2:14

Haggai

A whole lot of shaking going on.
God will shake the heavens, the earth, sea, and dry land. He’ll shake until “the desire of the nations” comes and his house is filled with glory. 2:6-7, 21

Zechariah

“And a bastard shall dwell in Ashdod.” 9:6
“I will take away his blood out of his mouth, and his abominations from between his teeth.” 9:7
The gospels (especially Mt 21:4-5 and Jn 12:14-15) claim that Jesus fulfils the prophecy of Zech 9:9. But the next few verses (9:10-13) show that the person referred to in this verse is a military king that would rule “from sea to sea”. Since Jesus had neither an army or a kingdom, he could not have fulfilled this prophecy. 9:9
Israel shall never again be oppressed. Another obviously false prophecy; Israel has been occupied many times since the time of Zechariah. 9:8
The river of Egypt (identified as the Nile in NIV, NASB, and RSV) shall dry up. This has never occurred. 10:11
Matthew (27:9) quotes this verse, but incorrectly attributes it to Jeremiah. 11:12
God plans to expel the prophets and unclean spirits. Sounds like a good plan to me. 13:2
Someday prophets will be killed by their own parents by “thrusting him through when he prophesieth.” 13:3
“The prophets shall be ashamed every one of his vision.” 13:4
Somday there will be a day that will have neither day nor night with a bright sunny evening. 14:7
“Living waters shall go out from Jerusalem; half of them toward the former sea, and half of them toward the hinder sea: in summer and in winter shall it be.” 14:8

Malachi

The gospel of Mark claims that John the Baptist fulfilled the prophecy given in Malachi. But the Malachi prophecy says that God will send Elijah before “the great and dreadful day of the LORD” in which the world will be consumed by fire. Yet John the Baptist flatly denied that he was Elijah (Elias) in John 1:21 and the earth was not destroyed after John’s appearance. 3:1, 4:5
“The day cometh, that shall burn as an oven.” 4:1

Matthew

The prophecy given in Isaiah 7:14 referred not to a virgin but to a young woman, living at the time of the prophecy. And Jesus, of course, was called Jesus — and is not called Emmanuel in any verse in the New Testament. 1:23
Matthew claims that Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem fulfils the prophecy in Micah 5:2. But this is unlikely for two reasons.
“Bethlehem Ephratah” in Micah 5:2 refers not to a town, but to a clan: the clan of Bethlehem, who was the son of Caleb’s second wife, Ephrathah (1 Chr 2:18, 2:50-52, 4:4).
The prophecy (if that is what it is) does not refer to the Messiah, but rather to a military leader, as can be seen from Micah 5:6. This leader is supposed to defeat the Assyrians, which, of course, Jesus never did.
It should also be noted that Matthew altered the text of Micah 5:2 by saying: “And thou Bethlehem, in the land of Juda” rather than “Bethlehem Ephratah” as is said in Micah 5:2. He did this, intentionally no doubt, to make the verse appear to refer to the town of Bethlehem rather than the family clan. 2:5-6
“Out of Egypt I have called my son,”
Matthew claims that the flight of Jesus’ family to Egypt is a fulfillment of Hosea 11:1. But Hosea 11:1 is not a prophecy at all, as is clear when the entire verse is quoted (“When Israel was a child, then I loved him, and called my son out of Egypt.”). It is a reference to the Hebrew exodus from Egypt and has nothing to do with Jesus. Matthew tries to hide this fact by quoting only the last part of the verse. 2:15
Matthew quotes Jeremiah 31:15, claiming that it was a prophecy of King Herod’s alleged slaughter of the children in and around Bethlehem after the birth of Jesus. But this verse refers to the Babylonian captivity, as is clear by reading the next two verses (16 and 17), and, thus, has nothing to do with Herod’s massacre. 2:17-18
“He shall be called a Nazarene.” Matthew claims this was a fulfillment of prophecy, yet such a prophecy is not found anywhere in the Old Testament. 2:23
The devil correctly quotes scripture (Ps 91:11-12), while Jesus misquotes Deuteronomy by adding “only” to Dt 6:13. 4:6, 10
Families will be torn apart because of Jesus (this is one of the few “prophecies” in the Bible that has actually come true). “Brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.” 10:21
Jesus tells his disciples that he will return before they can “go over the cities of Israel.” Later (24:14) he says he will not come until the gospel is preached throughout the world. Well, his disciples went over the cities of Israel and then died waiting for the “return of the Lord.” Now, nearly 2000 years later, and long after the gospel had been preached throughout the world, his followers still wait. 10:23
When Jesus and his disciples are accused of breaking the Sabbath, he excuses himself by referring to a scripture in which priests who “profaned the Sabbath” were blameless. But there is no such passage in the Old Testament. 12:5
Misquote of Ps.78:2-3 13:35
Jesus visits Tyre which according to Ezekiel (26:14, 21; 27:36, 28:19) was not supposed to exist. 15:21
Jesus mistakenly tells his followers that he will return and establish his kingdom within their lifetime. 16:28
This verse claims that Jesus fulfils the prophecy in Zechariah 9:9. But this cannot be since the person referred to in Zechariah (see verses 10-13) was both a military leader and the king of an earthly kingdom. 21:4
Jesus predicts the end of the world within the lifetime of his listeners. 23:36
The end of the world will be signaled by wars, famines, disease, and earthquakes (6-7). And that’s just “the beginning of sorrows” (8). Next believers will be hated and killed by unbelievers (9), believers will hate and betray each other (10), false prophets will fool people (11), iniquity will abound and love wax cold (12). But hey, if you make through all that, you’ll be saved (13).
Only one more thing will happen before the end comes: the gospel will be preached throughout the world (14). Well, that and the abomination of desolations will stand in the holy place (15), many false Christs and false prophets will show great signs and wonders (24), the sun and moon will be darkened and the stars will fall (29), the sign of the son of Man will appear in the sky, everyone on earth will mourn, and then, finally, the great and powerful son of Man will come in all his glory (30).

Oh, and all these things will happen within the lifespan of Jesus’ contemporaries (34).

Jesus says the gospel will be preached to all nations “and then shall the end come. Well according to Paul the gospel has been preached to everyone (Rom.10:18) yet the end hasn’t come. 24:14
Jesus is a false prophet, since he predicts that the end of the world will come within the lifetimes of his disciples. The world of course didn’t end then, and according to Ec.1:4 it never will end. 24:34
“But all this was done, that the Scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled.” What scriptures? What prophets? There is no such prophecy in the Old Testament. 26:56
Jesus falsely prophesies that the high priest would see his second coming. 26:64
This is not a quote from Jeremiah, but a misquote of Zechariah (11:12-13). 27:9

Mark

Mark claims that John the Baptist fulfilled the prophecy given in Malachi (3:1, 4:1, 5). But the Malachi prophecy says that God will send Elijah before “the great and dreadful day of the LORD” in which the world will be consumed by fire. Yet John the Baptist flatly denied that he was Elijah (Elias) in John 1:21 and the earth was not destroyed after John’s appearance. 1:2
Ezekiel (26:14, 21, 27:36) prophesied that Tyre would be completely destroyed, never to be built again. But it wasn’t destroyed and continued to exist, as shown by this verse in which Jesus visits Tyre. 7:24, 31
Jesus falsely prophesies that the end of the world will come within his listeners’ lifetimes. 9:1
Jesus shows that he is a false prophet by predicting his return and the end of the world within the lifetime of his listeners. 13:30
Jesus falsely prophesies that the high priest would see his second coming. 14:62

Luke

Jesus misquotes Deuteronomy by adding “only” to Dt.6:13. 4:8
“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me.”
These words were spoken by Isaiah and referred to Isaiah. They were not a prophecy about a future prophet, as Jesus claims here, where he supposedly read these verses in the synagogue while applying them to himself. 4:16-20
Jesus falsely predicts that some of his listeners would live to see him return and establish the kingdom of God. 9:27
Jesus prophesies that families will be divided because of him and his teachings. Sadly, this is one prophecy that has been fulfilled. 12:52-53
There will be nothing subtle about Jesus’ return. It will be like lightning that flashes from one end of the heaven to the other. Like the Wicked Witch of the West writing “Surrender Dorothy” in the sky. Like that. 17:24
Before the end of the world there will be many false Christs that claim the end of the world is near (Don’t believe them) (8), there will be “wars and commotions” (but ignore that) (9), along with earthquakes, famines, pestilences, and “fearful sights” and “great signs from heaven” (11).
Believers will be arrested and persecuted by the Jews, who will throw them in prison (12), friends and family will betray each other and some will be put to death (16), and believers will be hated by everyone (17). But don’t worry. Not a single hair on your head will be hurt (even if you are killed) (18).

When you see armies around Jerusalem, then you’ll know desolation is near (20). Then it’s time to head for the hills. Unless you’re a pregnant or nursing women, that is. (23) Then you’re just fucked. Too bad for you.

God’s wrath will be on everyone, with dead bodies all over the place, Jerusalem will be trodden on by Gentiles until “the times of the Gentiles be fulfilled.” (24) There will be signs in the sun, moon, and stars, with lots of waves in the sea. (25)

Everyone will be afraid of everything (26) and then they’ll see the Son of Man coming in all his glory. (27)

Oh, and all these things will happen within the lifespan of Jesus’ contemporaries (32). 21:8-27

Jesus says that all that he describes (his return, signs in the sun, moon, and stars, etc.) will occur within the within the lifetime of his listeners. 21:32
Jesus claims that his suffering and death were a fulfillment of prophecy. But there is no such prophecy in the Old Testament. 24:44, 46

John

Jesus falsely prophesied that Nathaniel would see heaven open and angels descend upon Jesus. Nathaniel never saw it; neither has anyone else. 1:51
Jesus says that “the hour is coming, and now is, when the dead shall hear the voice of the Son of God: and they that hear shall live.” 5:25, 28
Jesus claims that Moses wrote about him. Where? It’s a shame he didn’t give us chapter and verse. 5:46
Jesus says that those who believe in him will, as the scripture says, have living waters flowing out of their bellies. Well that sounds like fun, but there is no such scripture in the Bible. 7:38
Jesus falsely prophesies that “there shall be one fold, and one shepherd.” This will never happen as long as Christian beliefs are based on the Bible. 10:16
This verse claims that Jesus fulfils the prophecy in Zechariah 9:9. But this cannot be since the person referred to in Zechariah (see verses 10-13) was both a military leader and the king of an earthly kingdom. 12:15
“None of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.”
Jesus “lost” Judas in order to fulfill scripture. What scripture? 17:12
Verse 33 says that during Jesus’ crucifixion, the soldiers didn’t break his legs because he was already dead. Verse 36 claims that this fulfilled a prophecy: “Not a bone of him shall be broken.” But there is no such prophecy. It is sometimes said that the prophecy appears in Ex 12:46, Num 9:12 and Ps 34:20. This is not correct. Exodus 12:46 and Num.9:12 are not prophecies, they are commandments. The Israelites are told not to break the bones of the Passover lamb, and this is all it is about. And Psalm 34:20 seems to refer to righteous people in general (see verse 19, where a plural is used), not to make a prophecy about a specific person. 19:33, 36
Jesus implies that he will return to earth during the lifetime of John. 21:22

Acts

Peter says that their strange behavior (speaking in tongues, etc.) was to be expected since they were living in “the last days.” 2:17
In the last days (which Peter believes have already come) God will show great signs and wonders — things like “blood, and fire, and vapour of smoke.” 2:19
Peter claims that Dt 18:18-19 refers to Jesus, saying that those who refuse to follow him (all non-Christians) must be killed. 3:23
Ezekiel (26:14, 21; 27:36) prophesied that Tyre would be completely destroyed by Nebuchadrezzar, never to be built again. Yet it wasn’t destroyed, as is evident from this verse. 12:20
Gen 49:10 says that all of Israel’s kings will be from the tribe of Judah, yet we see in this verse that Israel’s first king was from the tribe of Benjamin. 13:21
Paul quotes God as saying, “I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which shall fulfil all my will.” But no such quote can be found in the Old Testament. (Although 1 Sam 13:14 does refer to David as “a man after his [God’s] own heart.” And it makes some sense, too, since David was nearly as cruel as the biblical God.) 13:22
In one of the few times that Paul quotes Jesus, he attributes to him words that are not found in the gospels. (It is better to give than to receive.”) 20:35
Ezekiel (26:14, 21; 27:36) prophesied that Tyre would be completely destroyed by Nebuchadrezzar, never to be built again. Yet it wasn’t destroyed, as is evident from these verses. 21:3-4
These verses claim that Moses and the prophets prophesied that Jesus would suffer and rise from the dead. But in what scripture is such a prophecy made? 26:22-23

Romans

Misquote of Is.28:16, which says: “Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD, Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner stone, a sure foundation: he that believeth shall not make haste.” 9:33
Paul misquotes Dt.30:14, leaving off the words “that thou mayest do it” and adding “that is, the word of faith which we preach.” By doing so he completely changed the meaning of quoted verse (that it is necessary to follow the Law) to support his doctrine of salvation by faith alone. 108:
Paul says that everyone, even in his day, had the gospel preached to them. Even the Native Americans, Asians, Pacific Islanders? In any case, if Paul is right about that, then Jesus is a false prophet, since he said he would return before the gospel was preached to everyone. (Mt 10:23) 10:18
Paul believed that the end of the world was coming soon. “The day is at hand.” 13:11-12
Paul believed that Jesus would return and defeat Satan “shortly” — within his own lifetime. 16:20

1 Corinthians

Paul tells the Corinthians to be good until “the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (He expected Jesus to return within their lifetimes.) 1:7-8
Paul, like Jesus and the other New Testament writers, expects the end to come soon. “The time is short.” So there’s no time for sex or marriage, since the world will be ending soon. 7:29
Paul says that the end of the world will come during his lifetime. 10:11, 15:51
“Whether there be prophecies, they shall fail.”
Paul prophesies that all prophecies will fail. But since this itself is a prophecy, it also will fail (if the prophecy is correct), making it a false prophecy. 13:8
These verses claim that the scriptures prophesied that Jesus would suffer, die, and be resurrected from the dead. But where are the prophecies that are referred to here? Hosea 6:2 perhaps? But this verse refers to the people living at the time (hence “us”) and therefore cannot be fulfilled by the death and resurrection of Jesus. 15:3-4

2 Corinthians

“We are your rejoicing, even as ye also are our’s in the day of the Lord Jesus.”
Paul expected to see Jesus return in his lifetime. 1:14

Ephesians

Misquote of Psalm 68:18, which says: “Thou hast ascended on high, thou hast led captivity captive: thou hast received gifts for men.”
The words and meaning of the psalm were changed from “received gifts” to “gave gifts”. 4:8

Philippians

Paul tells the Philippians to be good “till the day of Christ.” So he must have expected Jesus to return within their lifetimes. 1:10
“The Lord is at hand.” Paul thought that the end was near and that Jesus would return soon after he wrote these words. 4:5

1 Thessalonians

“Are not even ye in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at his coming?”
Paul believed that those alive in 49 CE would live to see Jesus come. 2:19
“We told you before that we should suffer tribulation; even as it came to pass.”
Paul thought that the tribulation that he believed would precede Jesus’ coming had already passed. 3:4
Paul expected Jesus to return within the lifetime of his followers. 3:13
Paul thought he would live to see the rapture. 4:15, 17
Paul prays that the Thessalonians will be good until Jesus returns, implying that he expected this to happen within their lifetimes. 5:23

2 Thessalonians

The day of Christ is at hand?
If Paul wrote this letter (and many scholars think he didn’t, then he is changing his mind (since writing 1 Thessalonians)about the timing of the Christ’s return. The day of the Lord is no longer at hand. In fact it’s nowhere near. Many things must happen first: there will be a great “falling away”, a “man of sin” will be reveled, and Satan will show off his power by doing all kinds of signs and wonders. 2:2-9

1 Timothy

“Keep this commandment … until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
The author expected Jesus to return within his lifetime. 6:14

Hebrews

The author of Hebrews believed that he was living in the “last days.” 1:1-2 Misquote of Jeremiah 31:32, which says:
“Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the LORD.”
Jesus sacrificed himself “in the end of the world.” 9:26
“As ye see the day approaching.”
The approaching day was the return of Christ. 10:25
“For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.” 10:37

James

James quotes a scripture that says, “The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy.” But there is no such verse in the Bible. 4:5
James thought that Jesus would return soon. 5:8

1 Peter

Peter believed that he was living in the “last times.” 1:5, 7, 20
“The end of all things is at hand.” 4:7

2 Peter

“Where is the promise of his coming?”
The author of 2 Peter is aware of the failed expectations of early believers. He knows that Jesus, who was to come soon, didn’t come at all. Many have begun to ask, “Where is the promise of his coming?” He tries to cover for Jesus by claiming that “one day with the Lord is as a thousand years.” 3:4

1 John

John thinks he is living in “the last times.” He “knows” this because he sees so many antichrists around. 2:18, 4:3
John warns his followers to get ready because Jesus is coming soon. 2:28
John expects to live to see Jesus return. 3:2

Jude

Enoch, “the seventh from Adam”, prophesied that God would come with 10,000 of his saints “to execute judgment upon all.” But this prophecy is from the Book of Enoch, not from the Bible. 14-15
“Remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles … that they told you there should be mockers in the last time.”
The author of Jude thought he was living in “the last time.” 17-18

Revelation

John believed that the things that he wrote about would happen soon, within his own lifetime. After nearly 2000 years, believers still believe that “the time is at hand” and that the events described in Revelation will “shortly come to pass.” 1:1, 3
“Every eye shall see him,” including those who executed him. Everyone will “wail because of him.” But millions have lived and died without ever seeing him coming “with clouds.” 1:7
John quotes Jesus (1900 years ago) as saying, “Behold, I come quickly.” 3:11, 22:7, 12, 20
“And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth….” To John, the stars are just little lights a few miles away that can easily fall to the earth. 6:13
“And the name of the star is called Wormwood.”
Some believers say that the 1986 nuclear disaster at Chernobyl was the fulfillment of the third trumpet in 8:10-11. 8:10-11
“And there was no more sea.”
For an old sailor like me, this verse, if it were true, would be one of the saddest verses in the Bible. 21:1
“Things which must shortly be done” 22:6
“Behold, I come quickly.” 22:7, 12, 20