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Forever and ever…?

Coming far too late, the rain splashed effortlessly against the long-dead stalks of grass. The grass that, while dead, will return next season. But it won’t. No, the dead grass before me truly is dead, and those particular blades will never again raise their chipper little stalkish faces to the sun. Only their offspring will. The grass never “comes back.” The grass only continues on. Each blade lives and dies, never to return. And each blade that follows after that, does very much the same.

Am I in a similar boat? Will I one day be gone never to return? Why yes, yes I will of course. But what of God? Does God see me much like I see the grass? Does He feel that “I’ll come back,” but only because He sees one of my kind, continuing on in my place? Am I replaceable like that?

Stop t. Before you go on, you had better check your facts, as I’m thinking grass DOES, in fact, come back. I’m thinking that the “long-dead stalks” you spoke of were only dormant, and will rise again next year. You know, life eternal and all that rot, ya douche.

Thanks for catching that. And while I don’t appreciate the insulting tone, nor the language used, you’re absolutely correct. Turns out that while most grass does appear to be dead, in fact it is simply dormant. But not always. No, sometimes, with some types, and in some instances, the blade that dies does so permanently. So there. Now, back to my derailed train of thought…

Am I of that variety? Am I the type that will dry out, shrivel up, and never be seen again? Or am I the type that will sprout anew, when the next Spring dawns? Scarier still, are the answers to those questions in God’s hands, or mine? I suppose, based on the whole “free will” concept, I already know the answer to the last question. A fact that scares me shitless. And, based on the answer to the last, I would then assume that it is up to me to decide as to what the answer to the first two questions would be as well. Again, imagine me standing here, shitless.

Is that what free will is? Is it really, honestly and truly that, well, free? Do I actually have the choice as to whether I will some day be reborn or not? Whether I will Move On or simply become worm food? DAMN, if I do.

Sorry kids, more questions than answers today – the plus side to that is that the posts of this nature usually end up being shorter. The down side is that you’re left with that “why in the hell am I reading this guy again?” feeling. At any rate, I’ve a sneaking suspicion that the choice actually is mine. I’ve often told my kids (and anyone else foolish enough to ask and/or listen) that I feel that hell is simply the place where God is not. And it was created solely because there were folk along the way who decided that they didn’t want to be with Him (Her, It, whatever). Having the free will to make this determination, it resulted in God being forced into providing them with a joint to hang out, after their days here were done. That place is hell. And hell is only “hellish” in nature, because God’s not allowed in. Life, is not allowed in. Even God can’t go where He’s not welcome. Well, with the exception of that one time of course…

All fine and dandy, but that’s hell t. What about the whole “worm food” concept? Do you think that you can actually decide to just die – end it all here? Now and forever? Is that call left up to your “free will” as well?

I’m no scholar, but I’m thinking “no.” See, free will was built into us – hard-wired, so to speak – and I’m thinking life eternal was as well. I mean, we’re built to last, and why not? God seems like he’s all about duration, if nothing else. Lord knows if I were Him, I would’ve called us all in for an eternal time-out by now. But we needn’t bother any longer with that particular digression, as it could be a whole post unto itself. So, forever and ever (Amen) we are “forced” to live, but where we do so is our call. I know, it’s not fair. But whoever said life was supposed to be fair?

Who indeed? Well, God I suppose. The same cat that may see me as a blade that dies, or as a blade that rises again – and I think he’s waiting for me to tell him which.

A note about today’s tune: To those of you who find yourself a novice on the subject, no, this is not The Clash’s usual sound. But then again, with The Clash, there was no such thing as “usual.”

16 thoughts on “Forever and ever…?”

Oh my dear t what a great post. And a great video by the Clash. They’re one of my favorites. :-) We do have free will. I think the Lord gave it to us just to see what we would do with it. Some of us handle it well. While others of us self-destruct. I pray every day not to self-destruct but to live a bit for Him, Her, It, Whatever. Sometimes my intentions are good, but I falter. I am only human after all. As are you. All we can do is live the best we can, and pray. Pray that we are good and will continue to be. That’s what renews us. We are so much more than blades of grass.

I think the answer to the question whether the grass dies or comes back depends on what you consider true grass-ness to be. The particular blade of grass you’re looking at does die, but its root is still there and sending out a new blade next spring. Is “grass” the blade, or the root? The hairs on your head, they die and grow back all the time, too. Are “you” the hairs, or the body that regrows the hair, or, well…?

Hmmm. Worm food for thought *snort* (Sorry.) Anyway, I’m a scientist and a philosopher by inclination, and also more creative than I have any right to be by design. And it’s the ‘design’ part that you’ve explored here in your usual breath-catching, neato way. Before I experienced real grief, I could say with profound confidence that this is IT: One way or another we live and then become soil amendments – compost or ash. Full stop. But then a couple of people I love very much died, causing my internal empiricist and my internal existentialist sudden and excruciating re-evaluation. Their conclusion? The “love” particle is immortal, as are the shapes it takes for the living. And we can call that God, or whatever else we want. I agree with you that the names we use and the places we believe the shapes of love congregate aren’t particularly relevant. Where there is not love there is absolute hell: Amen, t.

Yeah, I don’t like how we all stumble over “God” all the time. Is mine yours? Most likely not. Does it matter. Not in the least. I have a feeling we’ll all end up in the same place in the end (well the one of two that we choose) any way.

And can I just say, I think that “explored here in my usual breath-catching, neato way” could very well be my new tag line =)

are you one of those people who studied shit like turf grass at a Large Agricultural University? i always wondered why i didn’t study turf grass, or any kind of grass, really. or why i wasn’t a leisure studies major, come to think of it. dammit. i think that ship has sailed.