Saturday, July 11, 2009

Friday, June 19, 2009

I loved the movie. It struck true to so many chords from middle and high school. I loved how the protagonist was able to break free of her own self-inflicted painful chaos in order to remember who she was inside.

When anonymous commenters viciously attack your very being, no matter what anyone says, it hurts. No matter that, deep down inside, you know what they say isn't true, it still hurts. Even though we know that we are loved children of God, people can still be mean and sometimes, it worms its way inside our souls and psyches and makes us question God. Why does He make mean people? Why does he make people mean? Why am I not strong enough to resist the lies and deception I'm faced with?

My girl Amy Beth needs some encouragement right now. Please visit and let her know that mean girls are not worth the pain they inflict.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Sometimes it's just all so overwhelming. The good, the bad, they all gang up on you and you feel small and kind of melty (it is too a word).

We had the midget this weekend, which I have been looking forward to for weeks. Spending time with a ten year old is such excitement. First there was a little league game. Parents can be totally crazy at little league games. A man argued with the umpire about a questionable call (apparently you have to slide into home plate if a play is happening at home plate, running across it means you're out) and I thought it might get ugly. Did I mention the kids are ten? I mean, really, let's try and set an example!

It was cold and windy at the game, but the sun shone all day and I didn't use sunscreen. I have a niiice farmer's tan going on.

About the third inning, I got a voicemail from my mom who had been crying. My great-uncle passed away. Sad, but neither tragic nor completely unexpected. He was the remaining half of a grandparent-esque couple I only recently got to know - my grandpa's brother and sister-in-law. Honestly, my first thought was relief. I know how much pain he has been in and how tough that is for an old body to handle. But also, I thought I was off the hook for feeling guilty about not visiting as often as I should wanted.

The family fell apart after my great-aunt died. She was truly the glue that bound the family together. Lord knows I fell apart after she died. Some people just show you what family is all about, and Marge was the epitome of the word. Harry, her husband, bless his heart, couldn't hear a damn thing anyone said for the better part of 20 years because he refused to get hearing aids. Finally, he gave in, and they arrived in the mail in time for him to hear the eulogy given for his wife.

Having the midget around for the weekend left no time to really grieve, which I took as a good thing. It seemed my mom was crying enough for all of us. After the little league game, the midget and I high tailed it to Tar-Jay for a gift for a four year old. My girlfriend from college, Alaina, whom I haven't seen in YEARS was having a party and I was excited to see her! The midget popped open the Transformers pinata and played with some other kids kicking ball, throwing the Aerobie and apparently cavorting with real-live chickens. The two other children there who were his age were from Korea. As I was thinking about it all later, I realized I totally missed my opportunity to talk to their parents as the third member of the adoption triad. I guess it never occurred to me to bring up adoption with them. Maybe the opportunity will present itself again soon.

We took in a movie that night - grumpy Handsome, the midget and me. We saw Monsters vs. Aliens, which was pretty cute. Handsome laughed out loud during much of the movie, which is always a good sign.

The next day, the midget helped me make Blueberry Cream Cheese Coffee Cake for breakfast, which was so delicious! I love that he's old enough to help cook, or do yardwork (I think Handsome had him mow the yard for a little while, too). I'm not sure if his parents give him such responsibility. I was thinking about when I was ten, we were living in Christiansburg, VA, and I came home from school and spent about 2-3 hours all by myself. I'm sure I fixed snacks and who knows what else. Ten back then seemed a lot older than ten does on the midget. He'd probably do all right.

It was little league day at the Colorado Rockies so we went to the baseball game. What a madhouse! There were at least 500 little leaguers all excited to be there. The midget, however, was the only one we could find from his team. The fun part was they all got to walk around the warning track on the field. I was worried if he didn't see any of his teammates, he might not want to participate. Handsome came to the rescue, saying that since even the coach didn't show up, Handsome himself would walk around with him. Well, that sealed it. Eventually, three more kids from his team showed up, and Handsome wore the biggest grin of them all out on that ball field.

The Rockies did a great job, winning their 11th straight game. Of course, there was a 55 minute rain delay, but it was really because a tornado had formed just northeast of the stadium. Really, a tornado! We decided that, instead of hanging out for an hour in the concrete stairwell playing "I Spy", we should bail and see what the weather was like at City Park. Handsome had his usual panic in trying to drive downtown (why do I not learn and just commandeer the whole driving operation whenever we are downtown?) but we made it to the midget's house. We walked to City Park with our baseball gloves and ball and the Aerobie. We played and played and played. Then we fielded balls for some guys who were batting and pitching at one of the playing fields. The dark clouds started rolling in and I was getting hungry so we made the trek back to the house to change clothes and eat.

The look on the midget's face when we announced we had to go back to the house was priceless, just total defeat. Poor guy - he was having so much fun! But, we had a schedule to keep, and a concert to see! After a YUMMY Thai meal (where the waiters gave the kid no less than three full glasses of a caffeinated soda pop, ugh), we headed to Trinity UMC for a choir concert like no other.

There were five or six churches, each with at least 50 members, packed into the choir loft and the balconies of the church. It was totally beautiful. The acoustics were great, the choir members were amazing. The midget was bouncing off the walls. =)

Handsome and I fell into bed last night. He said, are you sure you want kids? I laughed and said, absolutely, we survived a lot this weekend, and I couldn't have done it without you, and kissed him good night.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Man, you know those times when you clean out your contacts and you don't really want to delete someone, but you know you haven't talked to them in a thousand years, and then you feel kinda sad because you really wish that you had kept the relationship up?

I'm kinda feeling that way with my blog and my website.

Remember the song "Video killed the Radio Star?" I feel like this blog killed my website and Facebook killed them both. It's kinda sad.

It takes a lot of work to maintain a relationship. You really have to nurture it if you want it to survive. The same thing goes with online relationships - they don't just hang on waiting to see if you're going to post an update.

My son is still a baby on the website he's ten and a half. My husband and I just bought our house on our website, but in real life, we recently closed on the refi and are building a deck!

I was never very good about keeping up with my journal writing either. But it sure is neat to go back and re-read the old entries.

So, I vow I won't let this puppy die. I won't succumb to the endless posting of quizzes or photos or all the other stuff that is lacking in substance. I believe I need this for more than the mundane. I believe it's a sanity keeper. And who couldn't use more of that?

Thanks for hanging in there and for providing the applause I can hear, even if it's cyber, nobody else can hear it, or you're not really there at all. *mwah*

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Who I Am

I am wildly in love with my husband, and my life. I was fearfully and wonderfully created and I'm learning all I can about what that means. Every moment is an opportunity to learn, to teach and to love.