This blog is a tribute to the characters of the 50 Shades Trilogy & EL James for creating them. I'm writing Christian's POV for all of your enjoyment. A snack between meals: Sinful and tasty. Enjoy! Let’s talk of Greys. ❦ ♡ ❧
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Saturday, August 25, 2012

BOOK II - CHAPTER XVIII - Christian and Anastasia Fan Fiction

WAIT ANOTHER
DAY...

CHAPTER XVIII

“But Christian,
why aren’t we... you know in there?” Anastasia asks significantly. How do I
explain what her presence in the playroom makes me feel like? Outside of the
door of the playroom, I stop and turn around to look Anastasia; my face pained,
already overwhelmed with what happened this evening...And going in there, into
the room where I had my biggest heartbreak is not something I can handle
tonight.

I sigh and lock
gazes with Anastasia. I shake my head; hold her face in my hand.

“Anastasia, I’m
not ready to go in there with you... not even if you are. When we were in there not so long ago, you left me. Even
though I keep telling...” I say sighing. The thought of it, the stress with
fresh memories of her leaving me, and the aftermath...

“Don’t you
understand what it makes me feel?”

Words are
failing me expressing what I feel...the worry and fear that gripped me, and the
desperation and immense pain of loss when she walked out of this door... I
close my eyes to push the image away from my thoughts. When I open them back
again, the pain is still present. Gesturing around with my hand I say, “...with
you leaving, my entire approach, my attitude has changed.” My world has
changed.

“My perspective
on life...on my life particularly, fundamentally changed directions. It’s been a
radical shift and I’ve already talked to you about this. But, there is
something I have not told you...” I say looking at her worried. Exasperation,
confusion, and difficulty expressing my feelings overwhelm me. I run a hand
through my hair as if to wipe these feelings away.

I finally open
my mouth having formed a few coherent sentences in my head to convey how I
feel. “The only comparison I can draw is like a recovering alcoholic, alright?
I know the compulsion to do what I’m accustomed is gone,” I say in a single
breath. Though after today, I don’t want to temp that compulsion. I don’t even
want to give it a chance to stick its ugly head out.

“What I’m trying
to tell you is, that I don’t want to make way to temptation... in there,” I say
jabbing my thumb in the direction of the playroom. “I don’t ever want to hurt
you, Ana.” And that’s the plain truth. No matter how mad I may get at her, I
don’t want to hurt her. I can’t bear it! I already have a lot of guilt for
having done what I have. I can’t erase that. But I don’t have to repeat the
experience, or make way to it.

She looks
worried. Maybe worried that a lot of other things we could do would be gone
along with the punishment, but it’s not true. What is gone is only the
punishment. Hurting her would hurt me.

“Ana, I can’t
bear to hurt you, because I love you,” I confess, looking at her face willing
her to understand me. Understand what I feel for her. The simple fact is, she’s
my life. She’s engrained in my soul.

Anastasia takes
me by surprise by hurling herself at me and I have to drop the spreader bar
onto the stairs just in time to capture her in my arms. The force of her weight
pushes me to the wall, and her hands reach up to my face, effectively capturing
it, she pulls my face down, and merges her lips with mine, forcing her tongue
into my mouth. She pushes her body flush with mine, her hands traveling into my
hair, pulling and twisting while her lips are sucking my tongue. What the fuck!
My libido just shots up off the charts, and I’m ready to fuck her right here,
right now! Agh! I don’t want her to be accidentally seen by Taylor or Mrs.
Jones. I groan and push her slightly away from me. One more second of this and
I will have no self-control; my breathing is ragged as if I ran a marathon. Though,
the only marathon I want to be currently involved in is climbing on her!

“Anastasia, if
you keep up with this, I’m going to fuck you on the stairs whether you want to be
fucked here or not!” I say in a dark gaze.

“Yes!” she
breathes with a desirous take-me-now, gaze. For a minute, I feel indecisive; I
want to take her right here, and come hell or high water, I won’t care who sees
us! But my jealousy of anyone seeing her in that position, in the throes of
passion boils my blood. That’s for me and for me alone! No fucking way! Desire
is still paramount, and I will have her, but not on the stairs.

“No. I’m not
fucking you here! I’m taking you to my bed,” I say and not waiting another
second I scoop her off the floor, and take her over my shoulders like a
Neanderthal carrying his woman, and she gives a loud squeal which earns her a
hard smack on her delectable derrière which also eases my earlier anger at her.
I walk down the stairs, and lean down and pick the spreader bar from the floor
where it came to a stop after I dropped it, anxious to try it out on her.

I can hardly
make it to my bedroom fast enough. After all that has happened this evening,
and thank God that no harm came to her, I feel instant relief and set Anastasia
down and drop the spreader bar onto the bed. Still focused on what had worried
me in the playroom, Anastasia whispers:

“I don’t believe
you’ll hurt me Christian.”

“I won’t hurt
you,” I say passionately, having barely have made through the stairs into my
room, and immediately take her face within the confines of my hands kissing her
hard, desperately, passionately, and intensely. The desire to have her, touch her,
and make love to her is unbearable. After a shitty day like today, all I want
to do is to lose myself in her.

“I want you...
desperately,” I breathe against her mouth between kisses, panting hard. But I
won’t push my way into her. The concern over what happened today and what she
may feel is holding me back. This must be her decision. “Anastasia,” I say
making her look at me. “Are you absolutely sure about this baby?” I ask. “Even
after what happened today?”

A firm, “Yes,”
is her answers. “I want you, and I want you now. I want to undress you
Christian,” she says desperately. Apprehension creeps up at me again. Undressing
involves touching. Normally I would have more control... But tonight, after all
that happened, I’m still agitated, still taking effort to control myself. But
this is Ana. I’d do it for her. I’d do almost anything for her.

“Okay,” I
acquiesce. The fear demons wake up with their snarling faces in my mind. As
Anastasia’s fingers slowly reach to the second button on my shirt, the demon
with its gleaming eyes, and unknown face who seems to be residing in the dark
corners of my soul pokes its pitchfork of fear into my heart and I have to take
a sharp intake of breath. I can’t let fear win. Can’t let it take hold over me,
over what we have.

Anastasia slowly
retracts her hand halfway back and it’s indecisively hanging in midair, unable
or unwilling to touch. “If you don’t want me to touch, I won’t touch you
Christian,” she whispers softly. If I don’t let her touch me now, I’d be
letting my fear win; the fear with the obscured face of a demon gleams
victoriously in the eyes of my mind. I can’t let our past wins be lost with
this fear... The truth is, I want her to touch me. I’m desperate for the
connection, needy in fact. Desirous even. But this fucking fear is always
showing its ugly face. The hope of “us” is the only thing that is
holding me upright here. Hope is stronger than fear. Us...Anastasia and
me...Us. No fear... No fear... No fear... I chant in my head, and respond her
immediately.

“No! Do it. I’m
fine. I’m good... It’s ok,” I mutter in quick succession. I swallow hard,
trying to pass a boulder through my esophagus as if it was possible.

One step.
Shallow breaths. Breathe in. Breathe out. She opens the second button. Another
step... small steps. Breathe in, breathe out. My eyes fixed on her. I make a
small ‘o’ with my lips to exhale my breath. One more step...One more button. After she unbuckles the
third button, she looks up, and then slightly blows on my poking chest hair.
Sensual and scary at the same time.

“I want to kiss
you here,” she says blowing another small breath to the exposed hair on my
chest, in such a way that I won’t confuse where she wants to kiss me.

“Kiss me?” I ask
in a stressed tone. My heart is palpitating, the demon is jabbing his
pitchfork, tines buried to the stump, twisting painfully in my heart! It’s just
Ana... It’s just Ana... It’s just my love.

“Yes,” I murmur
agreeing.

Twisting, and
twisting hard. Fear branches and grips inside my heart like the tines of
devil’s pitchfork making me gasp for air. She leans in inch by inch. Her intent
is clear. My initial reaction would be to jump back, run away, and push her
away. This is Ana... This is Ana... This is Ana! I remind myself. She reaches
down and finally plants a soft gentle kiss like the touch of a butterfly among
the curls of my chest hair as I hold my breath, and hold very very still. Then
she undoes the last button, and looks up at me victoriously. I...was afraid.
But, it felt good. Great even to have her lips on my chest. Fearful, yes. But
definitely great. What is she doing to me? What kind of black magic is this?
Oh, Ana... What you do to me, how you change me. She’s my angel...my savior
from my personal demons. My more...

“It’s a bit
easier, isn’t it?” she asks in a whisper. I nod, completely mesmerized with
what she’s doing. It’s a simple, innocent, yet a sensual, sexy as hell task.
I’m in awe of her. In awe of us! Individually we’re not significant. But
together, we’re ‘us’.And what that is,
is simply magnificent. How has she changed me, morphed me into being touchable.
A shudder courses through me.

“What do you do
to me, Ana? How have you changed me? Whatever you’re doing, whatever that is,
please don’t stop,” I murmur completely amazed, completely in love, completely
wrapped in her magic.I am in love with
what she is, who she is, what she does to me. Completely captivated! I can’t
think of anything but her, especially right now. The mere inches of distance is
too great for me, and I immediately pull her into the safety of my arms,
holding her tight, inhaling her scent. My nose travels down to her eyes, to her
nose, and finally my lips descend on hers, and desire courses through me,
taking over my body. I capture her hair in both my hands, and as I almost
forcefully yank it down, her head lifts up, lips apart, desirous, inviting, and
accessible.

Who am I to not
to oblige her? I dip my head down and start running my lips over her face,
teasing, only stopping on her lips for a few seconds, then I softly nibble on
her jaw which drives her crazy and her reaction makes me hot and needy, ready
to jump out of my skin to have her. I groan loudly, and that does something to
Ana. We just feed on each other’s responses and get lost in them. Anastasia’s
hands are at my hips trying to undo my button and unzip me in a hurried
clumsiness as she’s too desirous to keep her hands steady, but she manages it.

A groan escapes
my lips, as my erection is trying to force its way out of my pants and the
boxers. “Oh, baby,” groan with desire as I kiss her. Anastasia’s hand dips into
my pants, making me gasp with a pleasant surprise. Having unzipped me, she
grabs a hold of my waist and yanks both my pants and the boxers forcefully,
setting me free, and dropping to her knees, and takes me into her mouth!

“Whoa, Ana!”

I’m completely
shocked, as my jaw drops open with the way she takes charge, and takes me into
the pleasurable captivity of her mouth. Sheathing me completely she sucks...hard;
I’m lascivious, wanton, and also completely mesmerized with her lips on my
manhood. I’m in heavenly carnal pleasure... Oh, what I want to do to you, Miss
Steele! I can reciprocate... Agh! I groan. She sucks. And sucks relentlessly!
Fucking sexy! I’m mesmerized with her. As if I’m watching her, both within and
outside of my body. What an experience! She pulls in deep, and for a moment mouth
completely sheaths me, and as she’s pulling back, she slightly grazes me with
her teeth while her tongue is stroking, and my eyes roll back in sheer
pleasure.

“Fuck, Ana!” I
hiss through my teeth barely containing myself; I find myself holding her head
and I flex my hips in response to her pull, and lost deep within her mouth. I
don’t even know who’s fucking who... I just want to take her down, and be the
one in control. I don’t want to come just yet. I try to pull back to take her
instead, but she grabs my ass with her hands and holds me firmly as she keeps
sucking.

“Ana, please...
If you don’t stop now, I’m gonna come!” I groan. Do I want to come in her mouth
now? I’m lost, unable to think straight. I want to be on top of her, inside
her, yet, I can’t seem to... I’m lost... too close. She swirls her tongue on my
tip, and that pushes the scale, and I come into her mouth shouting her name,
and the orgasm goes through in crashing waves all over my body rippling through
me. She takes, and swallows in everything I had to give her. Once the shudders
subside I manage to open my eyes to look at her, and she’s smiling at me as she
licks her lips. Oh baby! So that’s your game! I grin at her salaciously, and
bend down and lift her up to her feet, and immediately cover her lips with
mine, and the realization that my smell, my taste, my seeds are all over her. I
have marked her; or rather she marked herself with me. That’s sexy as hell!

“I can taste
myself in your mouth, and baby, that makes you taste better,” I whisper
salaciously into her lips between kisses. That’s about all I can take without
bursting; I yank off her t-shirt and carelessly toss it into the corner of the
room, then I grab my woman and toss her onto our bed. She’s on her back naked
from the waist up, so, bent on getting her naked all the way, I lift her legs
up and pull her sweatpants off. Yes! She’s one beautiful package. Naked,
innocent, but desirous, and there’s nothing more sexy or hotter than a woman
who is in love with you, wanting you, waiting for you, and the feelings are
mutual! I make my intentions known to her. She’s beyond hot for me. Lifting her
head up slightly, resting on her elbows she says, “You are one beautiful man
Christian and taste delicious,” making me grin.

Baby, you have
no idea how I’m going to reciprocate your amorous assault... I’m thinking in
kind, but my own brand, and style. I take the spreader bar, and cuff her left
ankle first making sure it’s not too tight or uncomfortable. There is still a
finger’s room between the cuff and her ankle. My gaze is not leaving hers, and
I can see it in her eyes that she’s assessing my expertise with the spreader
bar. I give her a wicked grin in response.

“I’m anxious to
taste you again Miss Steele. Because I remember you being an exceptional and an
exquisite delicacy, baby,” I say as our gazes remain locked. I take her other
ankle and cuff it with the same expertise. Her legs are currently only two feet
apart, but that can be rectified.

“You know
Anastasia, one of the best things about this spreader is that it’s expandable,”
I say as stretch the bar from the joints, spreading her legs to be three feet
apart. Anastasia just gapes at her spread legs testing the wide gap by trying
to flex her feet. She gives up unable to close them. Her sex blooms like an
inviting rose. Her breathing increases; she’s restless, she wants me to get on
with it, but I will take my time. The ball is at my court now, baby!

“Oh baby, we are
going to have a lot of fun with this,” I say as I hold the bar; and with a
simple twist, I roll Anastasia to her front easily, and effectively. It’s a
great toy; gives me lots of control which of course I love. I can feel both the
excitement and surprise palpitating through her.

“Do you see what
I can do with this little device?” I murmur carnally. I twist it once more, and
her front is facing me again. Anastasia is breathless and surprised at the
amount of control this simple tool gives me. And though I can’t spank Anastasia
for punishment, I can do a whole a lot with sex; and man, I know how to turn it
into the great tool of both pleasure and punishment. I hold the cuffs that are
designed for her wrists, and tell her that I may put them or leave them
depending on whether she behaves or not.

“Behave? I
always behave. When did I not behave?” she protests. She has such short memory
when it comes to her transgressions.

“I can think of
a few infractions,” I say softly as I run my fingers up her soles, and her
insteps. The sensation my touch evokes, goes down to the hotline of her groin.
She squirms to get out, of course, but I have the control now.

“You have not
used your Blackberry, that’s an infraction,” I say exposing one of the sore
spots I have had with her earlier. She realizes that it may be punishment time,
gasping.

“What are you
gonna do?” she asks as her breathing increases.

“Baby, I never
reveal my plans,” I say smirking. Finally the opportunity to get my dues lights
up my eyes. I quickly divest myself of my remaining clothes, and I’m between
her legs, kneeling already. She’s spread open, gloriously naked, sexy as hell,
and all within my grasp. My eyes never leave hers, and she’s writing in
anticipation; curiously, and expectantly. Anticipation is a prequel for a great
sex. It all happens in your mind. I want her to think of possibilities of what
I might do to her... What indeed?

“This is all
about anticipation, Ana. Think of what I will, what I can do to you...
Anticipate,” I say softly; my words are caressing her, sinking in, and making
her want me, desire me, and connect with me at a higher level than just raw
sex. I know it’s getting through to her because she’s already moaning, and
that’s my cue. My fingers start their ministrations, relentlessly arousing her
by moving, caressing, touching on her legs and backs of her knees where they
are sensitive, and arousal is almost instantaneous for her. She tries to close
her legs by instinct, but they won’t budge, obviously. I want to do more, and
push her to her limit, get my due, and claim her, regain control, but only with
her permission. She comes first. I remind her that. “Baby, I want you to
remember that if there’s something you don’t like, please tell me to stop, and
I will,” I murmur while continuing my sweet assaults.

She’s too lost
in anticipation to refuse. I slowly bend over, and start kissing her belly softly,
and only around her belly. I slowly kiss and suck and nip her while my hands
captivate her legs and continue on their northward ministrations upon her legs
and her inner thighs with soft touches; taunting her, teasing, making her want
more, and beg for a completion.

“Christian!” she
begs, “please, oh, please...” she moans pleading.

“Oh,
Anastasia... I’m only returning the favor of your amorous assaults upon me. You
can be quite merciless when it comes to what you want to do, baby,” I murmur
softly between kisses. She doesn’t protest anymore, just lets herself loose
within the pleasures I’m about to deliver her as her hands clawing the sheets.
My mouth goes down to the line of her belly and her pubic bone, and blow softly
as I tease her of what’s to come. My fingers make their way up to the apex and
into her blooming sex, and she unexpectedly lifts her hips up to meet my
fingers. Her reaction makes me even more desirous for her making me moan, and I
sink my fingers knuckle deep in her circling, and she’s hot and wet for me.
“Baby you never stop amazing me. Always so wet for me,” I say and with that, I
dip my head into her sex.

My tongue finds
her tasty pink stub and as my fingers continue their explorations inside of
her, my tongue slowly and torturously pleasure the folds of her bloom. Because
her legs are spread apart, she has no option but to absorb all of the pleasure.
She arches her back to spread the intensity of her sensations, but unable to
fulfill.

“Christian!” she
cries out. I know she’s reaching her limits of handling the intensity of her approaching
orgasm.

“I know, baby, I
know,” I say taking pity on her, and easing up on my assaults, and softly and
slowly blow on the tip of her exposed sex, sending shivers down to her spine.

“Argh! Please,
now!” she begs for completion.

“Say my name!” I
order her. I need to have her recognize, and accept who is dominating her right
now. Who is her man? I want to hear it from her! I want to own her body and
soul, just like she owns me...

“Christian!” she
screams in a high pitched, wanton voice. Her body responds me before her mind
can, and I love that about her. My name in her lips is like a magic litany
calling me to her, beckoning me. It’s a surrendering supplication. Nothing is
sexier than my name upon her lips right now!

“Say it again!”
I say hoarsely.

“Christian!
Christian! Christian! Christian Grey!” She yells in a declaration that I own
her! I’m her man! I alone; no one else!

“You.Are.Mine!”
I growl with a deep guttural sound, raw and emotional after all the shit we’ve
been thought this evening! And a swirl and a dip of my tongue into her sex
pushes her into her orgasm in strong ripples, coursing through her repeatedly
without any way to disperse, or absorb because of her spread out legs. As she’s
still shuddering with the remnants of her pleasure, I flip her to her front.

We haven’t tried
this one before, but I want to see if she can handle it. “This is new baby, and
I want to try this with you. If you dislike it at all, or that it’s not
comfortable for you, tell me, and we’ll stop immediately.” Then I tell her to
keep her head and chest on the bed. I take her hands and cuff each one to the
bar next to her ankles. It’s an awkward, and a vulnerable position, but sexy
and incredibly glorious. Her ass is up in the air, inviting, and she is
incredibly beautiful. I run my fingers down through her spine, and when I get
to her ass, I declare her that I want to claim it, too. In fact, I want all of
her, when she’s ready. My fingers gently probe her, and she gasps.

“I’m not
claiming it today baby. But one day, I want you every way possible. I want
to...I need to possess every inch of you. You’re all mine, baby,” I say
fervently. She is only mine. The desire, and the inviting folds of her sex, and
her moans are like siren’s call, pulling me in, and I find my cock slamming
into her. Because she’s completely open and wide, her sex is absorbing all of
my considerable length, all at the same time, making her cry out, “gentle!
Argh! Gentle!” she groans. And I stop. Is it too hard for her?

“Are you okay?” I
ask her, trying to gauge her reaction.

“Be gentle
first... I need to get used to this,” she says. I’m pleased that she’s
communicating her needs, wants, and limits with me. I slowly easy out of her,
gently and with minimal impact, and slowly ease back into her inch by inch,
slowly stretching her as I fill her sex up. I gently ease out of her once again,
and slowly and gently fill and stretch her sex. When I ease out of her once
again, I gyrate my hips as I ease back into her and feel her getting softer,
stretch to accommodate my cock, welcoming me into her sex.

“It’s good, I’m
ok. I’ve got it now,” she murmurs, and my rhythm increases with her
declaration. I hold her hips with both hands, and start moving, really moving
in her. She moans with the intensity of the sensation she’s feeling, not being
able to close her legs, but she thrust her hips back to meet my cock, increasing
the licentious desire in me even more. My hands squeeze her buttocks, and I guide
her to me.

I plunge
again and again into her with a measured pace, and with each thrust I am
staking my claim on Anastasia; a claim that says she's mine, and mine alone. My
rhythm quickens as I feel Anastasia's approaching peak with her muscles inside
her sex start contracting and with a quickened pace I slam into her several
times with sharp thrusts and Anastasia comes loudly with my name is on her lips
and her pleasure is enough to push me to my peak. I come with a sharp cry of
ecstasy that vibrates through me, shaking me to the core and jolts Anastasia
through our connection. As the waves of orgasm stills slowly, I cry out her
name once more, “Ana, baby!” Replete, and sated, I collapse next to her.

I untie
the cuff and straps binding Anastasia to the stretcher bar, setting her free,
and quickly pull her into my arms, and ready to hold her in my embrace. Tired,
and worked out, Anastasia drifts into deep sleep in my arms. I watch her in her
sleep. The worry of how I could have lost her within the last two days weighs
heavy on me. Fates, I feel are after her... Or maybe after me through her.But, I don't want to let my demons peak their
head again when she's right here, within the protection of my arms. Her face
glistens with sweat of our lovemaking, and her hair freely falls around her
face. I gently push it away, and watch her innocence in her slumber, and her
easy breathing. She's lovely; in fact angel like. Like heaven sent,
specifically for me. For this unworthy man.

What
Hyde had said comes to my mind angering me... “If you didn't have more money
than I, she'd be fucking me now! Instead I'm the one who's holding the balls
she kicked!” Anastasia loves me. She's with me for love! Even though I don't
deserve it. She loves me! Hard to wrap that concept around my
head. But I love her too, with all intensity of my heart. That ought to count
for something. She's my heart, my soul, my life; my first and last thought of
the day. She's everything to me. Here she lies in my arms. Beautiful, innocent,
heaven sent. I'm fit for nothing; not the likes of her, but, fuck! I love her,
I want her, and I'm a selfish man. I want her to be in my life always. If she
was to deny me--deny being with me, I know it would ruin me. When I nearly
murdered that fucker today, all I could think was how he tried to have her,
touch her, claim her as his own. It made me insane... The rage I felt was
beyond anything I have ever felt. I possibly could have killed him had he been
successful in trying to rape her, or claim her in anyway.

In the
back of my mind, though I pushed it down, if I had to be gone even for a short
while because of killing that fucker, the thought of someone else having her
burned through my soul. It stopped me, I think. She's made for me alone, and I
for her.

Anastasia
may be an ordinary girl for someone else. But not for me. What I have felt for
her since the beginning I now realize is what I tried to deny. I love her to
distraction; she's everything I need, and want. Without her I feel like I'm
swallowed up in a dark abyss where I can't find myself, and with her, it's her
love that's driving me to distraction. I was in love with her before I had
sense enough to recognize it. I love her madly. Mad enough to kill to protect
her. And now here she is... safe in my arms. Mine. She moves and turns in my
arms waking up distracting me from my thoughts.

Her eyes
sleepily blink a few times, still too tired and barely able to keep them open.
When her baby blues meet mine under her lashes, she smiles, tries to shift in
my arms, but I can see that she still feels as if she's boneless, totally spent.

“I could
watch you sleep like this forever, baby,” I whisper afraid to jolt her
completely awake, and kiss her lightly.

“I never
want to let you go,” I say reflecting what I have been feeling, and wrap my
arms around her tighter. The truth is, I can't let her go. She said she can't
live without me. What about me? I can't live without her. How can one without
one's life, without his soul?

She
murmurs sleepily... “Don't ever let me go. Because I never want to go,” she
whispers before sleep claims her again.

“I need
you, Ana,” more than you'll ever know.

I
whisper in her ears, as she's already deep asleep..

“I love
you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without
problems or pride:I love you in this
way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is
no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest in my hand, so intimate
that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” I quote her the sonnet of Pablo
Neruda.This is me...all of me; good and
bad, fucked up and immature, loving and jealous to the point of murderous rage
sometimes. But I am completely and irrevocably in love with her, and trying to
be worthy of her. Trying to establish a goal, look for a place I'd like to be,
like Dr. Flynn said. That place includes her; my ideal place is where she
exists, even if she drives me insane most the time, and mind fucks me when she
doesn't listen to me, and almost constantly disobedient, sometimes utterly
independent – so much so that she makes me pull my own hair, and get me out of
my mind! But she loves me. Me! And I
her. Everything about her is refreshing, new, and captivating. She branded my
soul. The thought makes me smile, and I too drift asleep, holding the woman I
love.

********

The
advantage of waking up next to Ana is that she's readily accessible.My mind and body are constantly focused on
her. I wake up with the sun’s first rays of light are dawning through the city
of Seattle easing into my bedroom. I find myself nuzzling her neck, kissing and
nipping it sensually. This is my wake up call for her. Her eyes crack open.

“Good
morning, baby,” I whisper as I continue to suck and nip on her earlobe. My
fingers find her naked body, and as my hands slowly travel to her breasts, I
continue with my ministrations of her jaw and her lips. My cock is stretching
into a thick rope pushing onto her hips.

“You
seem to be pleased to see me, Mr. Grey,” she mutters sleepily, as she pushes her
hips against me, and gyrates in a demanding gesture. Oh baby, I aim to please.
I love her being next to me, in my bed, every night. Not only because I want to
be in her all the time, I want her to want me, too. Take me, love me, fuck me,
take advantage of me excessively! I'm all hers as she's mine.

“Yes, I
am pleased to see you. More and more I find advantages of waking up next to
you, Anastasia,” I say as I pull her on her back so I can have full access of
her body. “Did you sleep well, baby?” I ask unable to help but to smile at her
as my fingers slowly and sensually continue to tease her as they continue on
their journey down towards her sex. Already eager to accept my fingers, she
lifts her hips up and two of my fingers enter into the folds of her sex. My
lips find hers and I start kissing her slowly, sensually; moving down to her
neck, my tongue grazing, my lips sucking, and nipping, I make my way down
towards her twin peaks. She moans with every single touch, so receptive, so
ready, we’re made for each other! I ease and dip one finger inside her finding
it so wet, so aroused, I moan. “Oh, baby, you’re always so ready for me,” I whisper
hoarsely and ease another finger into her, slowly and rhythmically swirl them
inside her.

As my
fingers explore and conquer her from within, my lips continue on a journey of
their own kissing and sucking, reaching to her breast. My lips reach and suck one
of her nipples, swirling my tongue around it, and slightly nipping, and tugging
with my teeth making her moan. Then I move onto the next breast and tease and
torment it with my sweet ministrations. She moves under me, moaning, and
groaning. Her response, the way her body fits under my hands, my lips, and my
cock, and the way our bodies respond to each other is amazing. Desire is always
coursing through me when she is with me, or even when I think about her. I seem
to be hard for her all the time! But when she’s under me, under my control,
when her body willingly submits to me, to my desires, I am unable to help
myself but want her the worst way. I want to live inside her most the time.

“I want
you now!” I groan and reach out to get a condom from the bedside table. I shift my body to place myself perfectly
above her, and between her legs. As I place my knees between hers, I shift her
legs spreading them further apart with mine. When I open the condom packet, I
look at it with distaste.

“I can hardly
wait for Saturday,” I say licentiously.

“Your birthday
party?” she asks in a breathy voice. I shake my head.

“No. Saturday is
the day I can stop using these fuckers,” I say showing the condom.

“Aptly named,”
she says giggling. Giggling? I pinch the tip, and roll the condom onto my
length as Anastasia is watching me with hungry eyes. “Miss Steele, this is not
the time for giggling,” I say reprimanding her with a stern look; though I have
a fiery passion burning through my eyes.

“But I thought
you liked me giggling,” she says in a whisper, her passionate gaze locked with
mine.

“This is not the
time or place for giggling, baby. I think we need to put a stop to it, and I
know exactly how,” I say, and I push her knees up, and drive my length between
the lips of her sex. My mouth descends on her nipple, taking it between my lips
with deep, hard pulls. Anastasia’s giggles subside, and they’re replaced with
her moaning. Oh yes... Just the reaction I was looking for. My hips start
moving inside her restlessly, circling, drilling with devious pleasure.
Anastasia wraps her legs around me, her feet crossing atop my buttocks; her soft
heels are digging into me. I groan with pleasure.I drive every inch of me into her repeatedly
to show her who she belongs to. “You’re mine Anastasia!” I groan.

“Yes... Yours...”
she says in a husky, a barely recognizable voice.

I place my hands
under her buttocks suddenly, and I push her hips into me as I quicken my pace
with slamming thrusts. Anastasia’s muscles start tightening, and she comes
loudly with my name on her lips, and I pour into her all I got, losing myself,
and the orgasm rolls through us in strong waves, spreading, and conquering our
bodies collectively. I collapse onto Anastasia, sinking her deep into the
mattress, as my lips are still locked with hers.

******

We shower and
dress up for the work day; neither one able to keep hands off the other. We
make our way to the kitchen to have breakfast and sit at the breakfast bar.
Mrs. Jones is already busy in the kitchen fixing my omelet.

She asks
Anastasia what she would like for breakfast, as Anastasia is seating herself on
a stool.

“I only want
some granola Mrs. Jones, thank you,” she says blushing.

Anastasia is
dressed in a gray pencil skirt and a gray silk blouse. “You look gorgeous,” I
whisper leaning in, making her blush further. She lifts her eyes at me with an appreciative
gaze, eyeing my pale blue shirt and jeans, and says, “As do you, Mr. Grey.”

She really looks
hot with her skirt which hugs her all the right places. She looks completely
elegant. I have this desire to provide for her. I don’t know what it is... I
have this primal instinct to meet all her needs. Like a caveman who goes out
and kills a game for his woman. Hunt something and bring to her feet. I want to
be everything she needs, and the only one who provides for her.

“We should buy
you some more skirts. As a matter of fact, I would love to take you shopping,”
I say. She looks distracted.

That brings up
the unpleasant thoughts of Jack Hyde. Anger creeps unbidden, making me frown. I
try to rein in my anger, barely managing, I grimace. “They’ll have to replace
the sleazebag.”

“I do hope my
new boss is a woman,” Anastasia comments absently.

“Why is that?”

“Well, I suppose
you’d be less likely to object to me going away with a female boss,” she says.
I do love the fact you’re so innocent Anastasia. I try to suppress a smile. A
woman, too can press her suit on another woman. And besides, Anastasia going
alone someplace without me, and the prospect of her meeting someone else there who
might make a move on her is not a pleasant one.

As a take a bite
of my omelet, she asks, “What are you smiling about? What’s so damn funny?”

“Just you, Anastasia.
Eat all of your granola if that’s all you’re having, baby.” She narrows her
eyes at me, and finishes her food.

******

Anastasia is
going to drive the Saab for the first time today. She looks for the ignition by
the steering wheel.

“Where’s the
ignition?” she ask confused looking around the steering wheel.

“No baby. The ignition
is right below the gearshift,” I point it to her.

“Odd place,” she
mutters, but excited to drive her new car for the first time. She is unable to
contain her excitement; almost jumping in the driver’s seat, clapping her hands
like a small child. Her excitement makes me joyous. I gaze at her, and enjoy
the moment. “You seem to be quite excited about driving, aren’t you?” I ask,
pleased. Her exhilaration is rubbing off on me.

She beams in
response, and grins ear to ear. Takes a deep breath as if she’s inhaling her
favorite scent and turns to me. “Don’t you love the new car smell? Oh
Christian! This is so much better than the A3 Submissive Special!” she says,
then having blurted something she didn’t filter in her head first, she blushes.
But I love her for it. She says what she
thinks.

I have a hard
time suppressing a smile with her expressive definitions. “Submissive Special,
Miss Steele? You have quite a way with words, baby,” I say trying to mock scold
her, but, it’s too hard to do, when she’s this happy.

“Alright, let’s
get going,” I say and point to the garage exit. Anastasia is beyond excited.
She jumps in her seat though her movements are limited with her seat belt on,
and she claps her hands together, then starts the car. As she shifts the car
into Drive, we move forward. I note from the side mirror that Taylor is driving
behind us in the SUV. I’ll go all the way to SIP with her, and from thereon,
Taylor will take me to GEH. I want to spend every possible minute with
Anastasia. Not to mention, I don’t trust her driving skill all too well.

Escala’s garage
door lifts open, and Anastasia signals to turn right, and eases into traffic.
At the corner of the building, we reach our first stop sign and she asks if she
could have the radio on. Anastasia is easily distracted, and I don’t think
having the radio on is a good idea.

“I’d rather you
concentrate,” I say a little a little too sharply.

She looks at me
sideways, and I can see the creeping annoyance in her eyes. “Christian, I know
how to drive with music on,” she says rolling her eyes. Frustrating woman! I
want her to first get used to driving a new vehicle. Is it too much to want to
keep her safe? Though I scowl, I give in.

“Fine. You can
play an iPod, mp3, as well as CDs in this stereo system,” I say, demonstrating
the stereo system to her.

“Your anthem,”
she blurts out with another brain to mouth malfunction and oddly that
assessment however true, cuts deep. Knowing it myself, and Anastasia confirming
it are two different things. I want to be different for her. She clears her
throat in realization.

“I think I have
this album. Somewhere in my apartment...” she says trying to distract me,
having regretted what she said. A forlorn look takes her face, and she’s gone,
distracted. When she’s distracted, especially in the traffic, I worry. What if
she gets distracted when she’s by herself?

“Hey!” I say
trying to bring her back to here and now. “Miss Smart Mouth, come back to me!”
She shakes her head as if jumping back into the current time from a parallel
universe.

“You’re very
distracted, Ana. You must concentrate. Don’t be complacent; most accidents
happen when you don’t concentrate,” I warn her. She blinks, and shakes her
head.

“I was just
worried about work, that’s all.”

“Baby, you’ll be
completely fine. Trust me!” I say. She’ll be better than fine. No one is going
to dare to fire the owner’s girlfriend. I can hand their ass and their hat into
their hands before they can say ‘fifty’ should they dare to fire her! I smile
at her with reassurance.

She looks at me
worried and says, “Christian, please don’t interfere, please. This is something
I want to do on my own.” Why does she always assume that I will interfere?
Whatever I do is to protect her, and help her; which by the way she doesn’t do
a very good job on her own. In the last few months we have seen two major
examples of it. I can’t help but get angry, and I clench my teeth, and my mouth
goes into a hard, taut line.

She briefly
gives me a worried look and says, “Let’s not argue please, Christian. We’ve had
a magnificent morning, and last night was-“ she says pausing. “I can’t even
find words to express how incredible it was. One word to describe it would
be... heaven,” she says taking my breath away. She blows me away at the most
unexpected times. Even when I want to get mad at her, she says something so
simple, then I’m lost. My eyes close, and I ravel in her description.

Last night was
the perfect compromise of what we both like; it was beyond heaven. It was as if
we were one, in unison. No words needed; claiming one another, making love,
fucking, connecting not only in our primal desires and passions, but also
branding our souls with each other. My love for her only grows exponentially.

“What do you
mean?” she asks.

“That I don’t
want to let you go, Ana,” I says softly, trying to hide the fear accompanying
the thought.

“I don’t want to
go,” she murmurs, and her response makes me completely happy, making me smile
shyly, and I’m never shy. “Good,” is all I can say in a husky voice. Anastasia
reaches the parking lot, and pulls into it. SIP is a short walking distance
from here.

“I’ll walk you
to work from here, and Taylor will pick me up after I drop you off,” I say. I
exit the car, and walk to Anastasia’s side.

“We’re seeing
Dr. Flynn at seven o’clock this evening, don’t forget, ok?” I remind her as I
take her hand.

“No, I won’t
forget. I’m going to compile a list of question to ask him,” she says.

What? What kind
of questions. “Questions? About me?” I ask. She answers me with a nod.

I get nervous
immediately. Knowing how fucked up I am, what good thing can Flynn say about
me? “Anastasia, if there’s anything you want to know about me, I can answer all
your questions,” I say offended. She beams at me in response.

“I know you can,
Christian. But I would like to get the expensive charlatan’s unbiased opinion.”

Fear grips me
immediately. Flynn knows me well enough... Knows how fucked up I am. He might
easily recommend her that I’m not worth being with. Too fucked up for an
innocent girl that she is. I can’t lose Ana! Worry and fear grips me
immediately, and I turn around swiftly. I pull Anastasia into my arms with one
swift movement, holding her tight as if she’s going to fly away. I capture both
her hands behind her back, fixing her in place.

“Christian, if
you’re that worried... if you don’t want me to see him, I won’t go,” she says.
I don’t know what to think! All I know is that I can’t lose her. It’d destroy
me to lose her. I can’t risk it. What little humanity Anastasia awaken in me,
will die if she goes. I’ll be another Heathcliff. She tugs one of her hands and
I release it. It comes up and rubs on my cheek tenderly, lovingly.

“What is
worrying you Christian?” she asks in a soothing voice almost like a lullaby.

“That you’ll
go... you’ll leave me,” I say unable to hide the excruciating pain from my
voice. As I try to protect her from the villains outside, I don’t want to
deliver her with my own hands to a person who knows every shit about me, advising
her to leave me. The greatest punishment anyone can invent for me is to keep
her away from me, drive her away. That is my personal torment, my daytime
nightmare... It’ll give me a worthless existence making me meaner, leaving me
half alive and half dead. Such a future could only be described with two words:
death and hell. Existence after losing her would be hell. I have lived in it
for less than a week and barely survived. What would it do to me if the
prospect was forever?

She looks into
my eyes intently, unwavering. “I’ve told you countless times, Christian. I’m
not leaving you, and I’m not going anywhere. You’ve already told me your worst
secret, and I’m still not leaving you,” she says. Bull shit! If she wanted to
stay with me, she would have agreed to be mine, forever!

“Then why the
hell haven’t you given me an answer?” I ask passionately.

“Answered you on
what?” she asks trying to skirt my question.

“You know very
well what I’m talking about, Ana. So don’t try to fool me,” I hiss.

She gives me a
sigh finally. “Christian, all I want to know is that I’m enough for you,” she
says. Her response makes me release her immediately as if she’s burnt me with
her words.

“And you would
rather not take my word for it?” I ask in complete exasperation. She would
rather have someone else confirm or deny my feelings for her! How could Flynn
know what goes through my fucking heart? Does he feel with it? Is he the one
who is in love with her? If I don’t know my own heart, who would?

“All I’m saying
is that this has been so quick Christian. By your own admission, you’re fifty
shades of fuckedup. I always have this gnawing feeling that I can’t... that I’m
unable to give what you need. I’m not seeking an answer just to appease my own
concerns. I felt even more inadequate after seeing you with Leila,” she says as
worry creases her eyes and a deep sadness clouds over her expression.

“I am worried
that someday you will meet someone who likes doing exactly what you like to
do... And what if you fall for her? Someone who is much better suited for your
needs,” she says as she’s nearly choking on her words. She’s gone, and lost,
nervously looking at her knotted fingers.

I take a deep
breath.

“Baby look at
me...” I say urging her to see the sincerity in my words and my expression.
“I’ve known number of women who liked doing what I do. But none of them
appealed to me the way you do. I have never had an emotional connection with
any of those women. None of them! It’s only ever been you, Ana! No one else,
just you...”

“That didn’t
happen because you never gave them a chance. You were too confined, and spent
too much time in your fortress Christian. But I don’t want to discuss this
right now at eight o’clock in the morning in a parking lot. I need to go to
work, and maybe the good Dr. Flynn can offer us an insight,” she asks raising
her eyebrows. I nod reluctantly. Still worried.

I hold my hand
out to her, and say, “come,” leading her to the street.

I walk her all
the way to the SIP door, and hold her face in my hands, kissing her long and
hard, willing her to understand that she’s the only one for me. I leave her
breathless, and turn back to the waiting SUV worry lacing my thoughts.

*****

Love Sonnet XVII (17th Sonnet from the First Section)

by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were a
salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

WOW......just amazing again i cant put it into words i am completly stumped.i just love your pov and i cant stop reading them all again.cant wait for the next chapter hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend.again amazing xx

Nooooooo, we still don't get to know everything Christian thought while waiting for Ana while she was talking with the doctor!

I love this! I loved how you did mentioned again that "Hope is stronger than fear" :D

And the poem from Pablo Neruda...it's just so beautiful! You always know what to say! :D

Thank you so much Eminé, for writing this and letting us read it. You are the best, and you are giving us the best love story too :)

Rach, I hope you still have a little more time with your grandpa! Talk to him about the good times you two have had, it's always good to remember :)

Suz, I hope you are better, and free of pain now. I'm here wishing that the doctor has good news to you :)

And I don't know if someone already knows about this, but the Book Depository website has about 11,000 books, in ebook format, freed to download there! As we all like to read, well, it's a great opportunity! And if someone has some suggestion about some book that I must read, then please, share :)

Eminé, of course this is for you too, but I will send you and email, because I'm sure you will have a list full of suggestions to me :p

WOW! I've had to stay up late just to finish this, couldn't sleep knowing it was waiting here, and wow am I glad I did, that was fantastic!!!I'm actually wondering if I prefered your version of this chapter than the original book?!!!Thank you, can't wait for more!Laneyxx

WOW...this was amazing. I still don't understand how you can make me feel everything he's feeling. When he's in pain I'm in pain... it is overwhelming. Everytime I read a chapter I get to experience every single thing. It's just great... amazing. You are one of the best writers in this world... don't ever doubt that sweetie.

Gail, thanks again for the love your sending all the way from Australia. Hope you have a great weekend... or the rest of it.

Suz, are you feeling better? Is the pain gone?

as for my grandpa.... I don't know what to think... he's stil here getting weaker every minute. It's just too painful but the love of God and the love you're all sending to us here, your thoughts and your prayers just makes us stronger. Thank you! God bless you all

Rach - it's an AWFUL feeling watching them get weaker and weaker and fade away to nothing. We had to do that with our son, watch him go from a happy healthy 6 year old, to skin and bones and see the tumour protruding from his stomach. It was the most awful, horrible feeling in the world. The only good thing about his passing was he did it peacefully and with a MASSIVE smile on his face. I will never forget that smile as long as I live.

I just hope and pray that he's not in too much pain, and goes peacefully, that's all you can ask for.

I've just spent the morning weeding our front garden, to go with the 3 hours we spent in the back garden yesterday. I HATE winter with a passion, not only is it COLD WET and MISERABLE, but the weeds grown like you would not believe. Now I am about to sit and go through all my photos of James, I am making up photo books of his life. 1 book per year, and then uploading them to my FACEBOOK account for everyone to see. :D

I love this chapter WTG Emine!!Suz like everyone else I hope you are getting and feeling better.

Rach I want to share something that my grandmom told me before she pasted and that was "The one that we love never truly die they just change forms and tho we can't see them anymore does not mean that they ever really leave us alone". I hope that helps. And I posted this song before for Gail and I hope it makes you smile throw your tears. It's called "Holes in the Floor of Heaven-Steve Wariner".

And to everyone else I hope you are all doing great. And that today is better then yesterday! <3 and hugs all! Melinda

Another great chapter, I really cant wait till the next chapter comes out it is going to be a good one :)

Thanks once again for the concern. The pain from my surgery, and the pain I have been experiencing for the last 9 weeks has mainly passed. The problem Im having at the moment is I have an incision and stitches from the base of my thumb to the base of the next finger so everytime I move my hand it feels like my skin is getting ripped apart. I have found im getting more and more frustrated not being able to use my dominate hand, and everything taking so much longer so counting down the days till Thursday.

Gail: What part of Australia are you in, im in NSW and we have had a fairly mild winter this year and the last weeks has been beautiful and warm, we even had a 30 degree day on Thursday

Rach: You continue to be in my thoughts are prayers, hope your grandfather isnt in too much pain and manages to pass peacefully, and that you and you family get to spend as much time as possible with him sharing stories of the good/fun times and when the time comes you all find the strength you need. Sending lots of hugs

I am having a very exciting week starting tomorrow. My daughter starts kindergarten on Tuesday, we all are excited in my household, and I just wanted to share that with my new "friends", I am excited and apprehensive sending my baby off to kindergarten. I have hopes for her to be a good student, make lots of friends, but I am also scared for her, because of the bullying issue, and not knowing how she will act and behave during this new journey. Any advice how to handle all this?

Emine, Fantastic. Can't wait for the visit to Dr. Flynn . I love your Christian sooooo.... much..If I may be rude enough to make a request, I would love to read at some stage an interaction between Taylor and Gail Jones. I do so like these characters.Anyway, thanks again for all efforts, they are most appreciated. So many hits on your page.Take care,Kathy (Australia)xx

Hey girls! I had to post and hurry out yesterday. It was my father in-law's birthday. I'm glad you all liked this chapter. I wasn't sure whether you would or not. Then again, that's how I feel when I first post a new chapter. I wanted to explain something here: As a language tester, one of the first things you learn is that higher level speakers are at ease quoting from literature or from various books, they can use idioms and proverbs easily and properly and they're capable of tailoring their language for the situation. They’re knowledgeable with a wide variety of topics. Since Christian has gone to an Ivy League school, he would have read most of the classic literature and that includes poetry. But then we already know that because he has a library with loads of first editions of these books. From the first book, as he was quoting Tess of the D’Urbervilles, we already have a taste of it. He’s an incredibly smart guy. So, I wanted to bring all these aspects about him to the surface, but I didn’t know how you would react to it until I post it here. Gail: Hopefully the nasty weather out there eases up on you guys. But, I live in Arizona, and we have heat most the year because it’s desert. But no complaints, I love this state. We don’t get to shovel snow in winter. Suz: I’m so glad you’re on the mend, and hopefully all your tests come negative and free of cancer. Rach: Give your mom and grandma a hug for me. And just hang in there. It’s never easy to watch someone you love die. Psalms 31:9, Psalms 46:1, Psalms 30:5 and John 16:33 should give you some comfort.Catarina: You remembered  Hope is one of the strongest emotions a human being possesses. Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Rachel: I have loads of advice for you. If at all possible, spend at least half a day in your daughter’s class to observe the dynamic. Some teachers may not agree, but I found it useful especially if your child has separation anxiety. Watch your child’s body language. She may not tell you in words, but her reaction and behavior will speak volumes. I’ve dealt with that with my first child. Schools don’t care. They say they do, but the reality is, they have so many students, they don’t really care. Go to school often; if you have time volunteer. Observe the teacher. Learn the administration dynamics. When you find some problem, don’t let it fester. Nip it in the bud. It’s your child, you have the say. Be present, and be visible. Don’t let the school bully you. It’s not only the other students; sometimes it’s also the school. And no two schools are created equal. Make sure school is also fun learning environment for her.

Sweetie thank you...you see John 16:33 it's one of the most amazing passages of the Bible I know. It always helped me in so many ways. The others are so beautiful too. I could hear God speaking to me. I read it all to my grandma and too my mom. They said you're so sweet and are sending you lots of kisses :)

Gail: I can't imagine what you've been through. But I gotta tell you James was so beautiful, I think he still is. He's not too far...a little angel like you said here. Can I add you on facebook? I would love to see his photos and his smile... it brought me peace when I saw it in the post.

Melinda: Your words made me cry.. so beautiful. I feel like that too, you know? Thank you for sharing it with me. And I heard the song... it was amazing. Thank you for that too.

Suz: My grandpa is not in pain at all. He can't feel anything because of the stroke he had. The doctor said that if he could feel he would be in too much pain. So, I thank God because of that. He took care of my grandpa. And I'm glad to know that you're feeling better. I'm praying for you...I'm sure you'll have great news thursday. :)

Another brilliant chapter! I think you do a wonderful job of bringing all aspects of Christian to us. I'm looking forward to Christian & Ana's session coming up with Dr. Flynn! Thanks, Emine. Hope you have a great one :)

After two days of digging and making a storm drain from my front yard to my back yard due to the nasty rain Isaac is going to dish out the chapter is such a FANTASTIC surprise that I just couldnt wait to read. You did not disappoint. And Raquel just keep praying. Remeber all the good times and memories. Nobody can take them away. **Rissa**

Rach - thank you and no problem in adding me to FB. I've accepted the friend request. You will have to go right back through my albums though as its been nearly 1 year since my angel passed away. And I've put heaps of his younger brother up in the year.

Char - your more than welcome to add me to FB as well if you want. My profile pic is of James and I and my cover photo is childhood cancer awareness.

Emine - where I live we have really really HOT summers. Last year we got up to 43 degrees which is 109.4 farenheit. I shouldn't complain about our winters this year has just been a little colder and wetter than usual. Bt give me the heat any day.

Hope everyone has a great day/night depending on where you are in the world. :)

@Rachel Smith, my baby just started high school and my 2nd baby started middle school this tear. 2 new schools and it felt like kindergarten all over again. I'm learning no matter how much they grow up they still need their mom :) "listen" is my best advice. The more u listen the more they will talk. There will be many new things coming her way enjoy them all...time goes by in a blink of an eye. Enjoy!! And EMINE whew this one was great again!!! Cant wait for more!!! Tricia

I am the same! I'm currently doing my uni degree for primary teaching and before (and during) my studies I keep checking hoping there will be another chapter! I don't know how you find the time Emine but very greatful :) I have a song suggestion my boyfriend played me this song when we first started dating and thought it was very suitable for Christian and Ana.It is Cascada Everytime we touch. There are two versions though. The first is a slow version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL0bjwez8mg and the second is the original dance version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AV4smtJrIOM Hope you like it :)

Thanks for the wonderful advice....we are so ready for the new year to get underway. I will be an active participant in all aspects of her education, I can atleast give that to her, since my mom gave that to me. I will let you all know how my angel does on her first day of school. Rach I hope your grandpa is getting peace and will continue to pray for you, Gail your little boy was such a ham, he had a smile and a face that was truly gorgeous. I know that god has him up in heaven living the days waiting for you to be with him, I know that as much as you miss him, the day will come when you are reunited with him. I had a very good friend who lost her daughter to SIDs this past December, she was only 4 months old, and as a friend I felt that attending that funeral was the hardest thing to ever do. I felt horrible for her, didn't know what to do to comfort her, and I knew that being there for her was probably the best thing I could do. She still hasn't healed, and I don't believe she ever will, but recently we celebrated her daughter's first birthday with a candle light ceremony and she did a balloon send off to heaven. I was incredibly moving and emotional. I was glad that I was able to be a part of my friend's life, to help her if needed, and just send her good thoughts her way.Take care all,Rachel

I live in Brisbane, Australia. I heard the hype about 50 Shades but hadn't had a chance to get the trilogy let alone the 1st book until my sister practically threw it at me when she finally caught up with me 2 weeks ago.

I read the trilogy in the first week and started talking to the girls at work I COULD NOT get enough of it late nights early mornings It was the Grey effect all over again! I think I've re-read them all 3 times until last Wednesday when a work colleague asked if I'd read Chritians POV!

I was so excited that on my 1st break I logged in and started my fling all over again lol I have thought about posting comments however I figured I'd wait til I caught up with the rest of the world lol (excuses excuses)

Emine! I have been late to work and forced to leave my mobile home because it presents delicious distractions on my breaks lol.You continue to raise the bar with each chapter and wow us with every turn of the page thank you thank you thank you..! What a tribute to the characters AND E.L James.

I have a very busy Monday; I have to divvy up my time with my kids' schools. Today's the day I help my son with school, and next week I'll be a chaperone for a field trip for my daughter's class.

I'll try to write a little today in-between.

Melinda: How did the Bat Mitzvah go on Saturday? Hope it went smoothly, and her daughter had a good time with her friends.

Gail: The temperatures usually averages to be 115 degrees in summer here, and never goes down below 100 even at night; most likely 110. We don't any have cool breeze either. Our winters are heavenly. I love Arizona regardless of its summers!

Cathryn & FL residents: I hope all of you, your families and homes are safe during Isaac. We'll pray for you.

Ok, something funny: Some lady wrote me and was very angrily venting off about the 50 shades series. She said that this book was the worst thing because of its dangerous impact on society; it should be banned. She said that I should think of all the urinary tract infections women would be getting. I thought- so, people didn't have sex before this book came up?

I realize that everyone takes away something different from the book. I see it differently. It promotes monogamous relationships, safe sex, communication between couples, and most importantly LOVE and redemption. If the book was promoting couples to do the deed better with each other, I'd say there'd be number of very happy spouses. Well, not in her household, but elsewhere perhaps. I find it odd that people take their time to find blogs to trash a book they dislike. If I don't like a book, I just don't read it.

Anyway, I'll keep writing regardless. Like I said in the Code of Conduct - I could care less what others think. I love books; definitely this is one of my very favorites.

Hi sweetie. My grandpa is getting weaker everyday. I don't know how to explain what's going on with him and I think the doctors can't either. So we're waiting on God... He knows when my grandpa has to go and why he's still here. It is painful to see him but at least he's not suffering.

Gail: I saw the pictures of James... I still have tears in my eyes. What a beautiful kid and always with that smile. Harrison is so cute too... he's going to be so hansom! :)

Rachel: Thank you for your prayers. How was your daughter's first day at school?

Marissa and Char: Thank you so much! We aprecciate it.

I can't believe why people waste their time reading things they don't like. Life is so short and they should be spending their time with the things they love and make them happy. Anyway... we love Fifty and we don't bother anyone because of that... but no matter how much they hate it it's never going to change the fact that we love it.

Thank you everyone for the kind words and all the prayers... my family and I are honored with it.Thank you for the support 'cause it is good to be here talking to all of you and know that you care. That is really beautiful.

After the day I've had navigating chest deep flood waters and a sink hole to try and get to my son's bus that was stuck in waist deep water, even water in my house from the backyard flooding, then no power for hours in this Florida post tropical storm humidity, I just had to re-read the last few chapters.!

Thank you so much for your amazing writing.!! You have no idea how your take on Christian's pov has put a rainbow on one of the worst days I've had in a long time.

Rach - Yep, that was James. His entire 8 month journey with cancer and he had a smile on his face. Even hours after MAJOR surgery to remove his liver, he had a smile on his face. My beautiful brave boy, that's what he will always be to me. :D Thank you for your kind words. :D And oh yes, Harry's going to be a heartbreaker that's for sure. He already is at 5 and a half. Has the girls hanging off him at school. hehe. :D

Hope you're grand-dad's doing ok today. You are all in my thoughts. :D

Emine - hope you manage to find some time for you in your busy busy Monday. As much as we would all love you to write and write and write, some you time and a rest must come before us.

Who would have thought that when I came across this blog a couple of weeks ago now, I would have found some amazing women, who I now consider "friends" even though we only talk on here. I look forward to coming and reading the comments just as much as the chapters. You all make my days just that little bit brighter. So thank you EVERYONE for that!! :D

Well I'm off for some lunch and then get back into the housework.. Have a great morning/afternoon/evening/night where ever in the world you may be.

Open house went well. Tomorrow if the first half day, with me there with her, and then Thursday is her day there by herself. I will keep you all posted. The crazy thing is she is stalling to go to bed, I don't know if its anxiety or anticipation, but I've spent the last hour trying to get her to bed, and she keeps coming out with a different excuses on why she needs to stay up. Its so frustrating.

wow I can't wait for this next chapter I need something to distract me from last night and today's events things just keep getting worse... i love my 50 shades distraction :) please let the new chapter come soon ^.^

I'll try hard and finish it today. Are you alright? Are you in the path of Isaac?

By the way, all of you who are dealing with tropical Storm Isaac, I really hope you, your families and properties are all safe, especially those of you who are in the Gulf Coast currently (Mississippi. Louisiana, Alabama, Arkansas, Texas) just hang in there. Hugs to you all!

I just love this chapter! We learn more about Christian's feelings and that's so good (and interesting). I love the way he comforts Anastasia, telling her she is the only one and that there was never another one before her. A first love for the two of them. Of course I can understand how Ana feels. This man has almost everything for him: he is gorgeous, smart, rich (very rich!)and he is good. So she can't believe he will stay with her. But that's because of her self depreciation. I'll never be tired of reading Christian POV, Eminé. You're doing a great job!

About - Eminé Fougner

I'm not a fictional character, or an alter ego. This is me, expressing myself in plain language...Although I am many things in one person: American, parent, wife, daughter, sister, best friend, dog owner, a writer, reader, linguist, multilingual (how else can you be a linguist), language tester, software tester, content writer, software creator, math, physics, history enthusiast, classical, opera, modern music fan, the CEO with a broom and someone who endeavors to have her own opinions regardless of what anyone else thinks.That's the only way to be an individual.

In some cases I'm like Mr. Darcy:"I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding— certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost is lost forever."