Well some good and bad news today. My recruiter just called me in regards to my job offer and my DUI will prevent me from getting the job. However, the director of the west coast operations is willing to sit down with me and see if he can find me another position within the company doing admin stuff. The problem is he's not in LA right now so I have to wait a week or two to meet with him. I was hoping to see him sooner. This sucks. For those that read my thread and are addicted to drugs I want you to really see what it does to your life. My addiction has taken everything from me! It's because of my poor choices to get into a car and drive under the influence that just costed me a very high paying job. There is a slight chance I can still get a job with this company but I'm not betting on it. In the meantime, my recruiter is looking at other areas of employment for me. There aren't too many though. It's limited.

I don't want to preach to other drug addicts but read my story and see where heroin takes you or any other drug for that matter. It's down a one way street to nowhere. It's isolating. You lose your friends, you lose yourself, you lose your credibility, your material things, your money, your family, etc. You LOSE EVERYTHING. And right now I am facing eviction if I don't come up with some serious money. I am however, getting some help with that fortunately so I hopefully won't lose my apartment.

I really want the people to know that are reading this that addiction is serious and before you know it your whole life and freedom can be taken away. For all of these reasons, I will NEVER go back. The rebuilding process is so tedious and sad and arduous. I barely have support too.

Don't be like me. Save yourself early on. Drop your drug of choice and get some help. I did it on my own and with the use of this forum and the members here. But, some of you others may need rehab or doctors or opiate replacement therapy or whatever. It's all so individual in how one comes to terms with their addiction and pursues sobriety. I am so pissed right now with myself. I have pissed away all my opportunities just because I had to get high for three years. I am an extremely decorated Army officer with a college education and I am now suffering and cannot get what I rightfully deserve because of my poor choices and my addiction.

So please, I am begging my readers to not make the same mistakes as me. This is so incredibly serious. I I wish for you all to not travel down the path that I have traveled. It sucks. I am crushed right now. I know this is only one door that has closed but I hope that another one will open. I need anything right now. Anything. I'm trying so hard to just stay afloat. I have so many issues and feel so overwhelmed right now.

I just want to pick up and run away but you can't. You have to face your issues head on. I wake up to this shit every morning and I go to bed with it every night. It's taxing and I'm so stressed hence, the reason for getting shingles and being sick for six weeks straight. Plus, I still have to find a way to treat my underlying issues and survive in this crazy world.

I really wish you guys could feel the pain I feel right now just for five minutes. I believe then you'd stop your drug use that is, if you readers are drug users. I understand that there are many that are not. I don't know you all. But, just take my experience and learn from it. That is what I want this thread to take the direction of. I want to show people what addiction does and how to come back from it. There are many months ahead of recovery. My story is still very much in progress. The ending is not even being close to being written.

Anyways, I have to get off of here. I am very sad and need to manage my emotions by doing something else. I just wanted to update and stress the importance of getting a sober life. Avoid the legal system at all costs. You may think you'll never get caught, I thought I was invincible and look at me. No one is above it. We are all at risk.

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I was away from df for a few months, I had some life stuff I needed to take care of and unfortunately being on here a few hours a night wasn't helping with that... Anyways, I have all of that taken care now... I hope lol

I caught up on your thread and I'm so happy to see your recovery progressing! The last time I posted here you were sober, but really struggling with withdrawals. I know that you are stilll having some pain issues, and depression at times but it is incredible to see how far you have come! You should be so proud of yourself!

Try not to get down on yourself because of this job. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be ( I'm not trying to sound flippant, I hate when people say shit like that, I know it doesn't help right now). The fact that you are even ready to start a new career so soon is amazing, and only more good things can come of working with this recruiter. It really sounds like he is rooting for you and will find you something that is perfect.

Keep your head up Hun! Try not to let this get you down, hopefully you can see your new bf this weekend to take your mind off of it. Good things are starting to happen for you since you overcame active addiction, just try to keep faith that there is more to come! You will get your life back and be able to enjoy your life as you are meant to. Try not to look at what your addiction has taken from you, try to look forward to the opportunities that are going to come your way that the addiction will not be able to fuck up.

Hey Mel I am so proud of you after reading your last post. I am so glad that you can see how far you have come now and are confident in yourself. You are a different person and I know that you know it. I know you have alot of inner turmoil but you have achieved so much in despite of everything that made it hard for you

I think you mentioned in one of your posts that you were into sports at one point. Not sure if you have resumed exercise in any form. I have an acquaintance now an ex-addict, who found that Bikram yoga was responsible for transforming her life. She found the poses very challenging and it centred her. She found her feet – as it were.

Yoga may not be your cuppa tea but a 1 hour serious sweat out every (other) day – whatever your system allows – whether speed walking or light jogging can only benefit your recovery. If you have some physical impairment, then you could try some form of restorative Yoga. If you can accommodate the physical component as well as you are able, the mental struggles, depressions etc might have less play in your daily round

Hi Mel,
There was a recent article in The New York Times called "After PTSD, More Trauma". It also talks about the VA hospital in San Diego. Thought you'd find it interesting. It won't let me insert a link so you can Google it.