Yep,
for fans of whatever-the-hell-Marmite-even-is you can now smear it on
your lover for a really sexy night of Marmite-flavoured fun.

If
you like eating the spread in your day-to-day life, then the news that
adult store Harmony have created this prototype is no doubt the most
exciting thing to happen since someone said, ‘Hey you know what would
make this toast better? A thick, brown yeast flavoured spread!’

However
for the myriad of people out there who cannot stand the stuff, this
abomination will surely invoke feelings of nausea and involuntary
spasms.

The body paint is designed to be lovingly rubbed on your
lover’s body before being licked off and if there’s anything more erotic
than the taste of Marmite combined with the texture of human hair we
can’t think of it.

But if Marmite isn’t your thing, you should definitely try some Vice Cream – the world’s first female ‘Viagra’ ice cream.

The
Licktators, the same team that brought you breast milk flavoured ice
cream, have created the sweet treat in the hope that it’ll inspire
amorous couples to dig in and maybe even recreate the naked ice cream
eating scene from Fifty Shades of Grey.

If you prefer your aphrodisiacs a little harder then head down to London’s Ace Hotel where culinary visionaries Bompas & Parr will be hosting an anatomical whisky tasting night.

On
February 14th, they’re hosting a special event where patrons can drink
aged whisky straight from the natural contours of model’s bodies.

We're imagining something slightly classier than this... [Tumblr]

The
experimental event will see whisky fans sipping 25-year-old single malt
from a 25-year-old’s armpit or a 50-year-old dram from a 50-year-old
belly button – you get the idea.

Apparently the heat of the performers’ bodies will warm the whisky and help to showcase the tipple’s flavours.

So cancel the roses and chuck out the lobster, make this a Valentine’s Day you’ll never forget. Not even if you tried.

NB: There's also vagina-scented perfume but let's not even go there...