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After watching a series of graphically violent online videos, sophomore Joshua Pryce felt like it was time for his friends to know the truth about him: he has a “way darker” sense of humor than anyone he knows. “My friends tried to get me to watch ‘Human Centipede,” but I was really bored,” Pryce said. […] Read more

Dude, chill out. I’m not going to sit here and make any excuses. I did it. I took your bike last week. It’s not like you were using it! You were in class. Seriously, are you going to keep acting like a selfish kid with a toy, or what? Get over yourself. Are you going […] Read more

The start of a school year is the start of many new friendships, but as we all know, making new friends can be awkward and uncomfortable. To start a new friendship, you must interact with other humans which can be difficult. There’s the bland introduction of names which you soon forget which is followed by […] Read more

After hearing the news of the Cannabis Compassion and Care Act passing to the left hand side of the Unicameral floor in the Nebraska Capitol last week, sophomore Travis Hanson sparked the idea to start a petition to gain more support for the medical marijuana bill. After eating the best breakfast he swears he has […] Read more

The ACLU has long been a voice for the voiceless in America, and in continuance with their pursuit of social justice, the organization is now turning their gaze to the often ignored issue of lactose intolerance. In a recent seminar launching their campaign Death to Dairy Defamation 2017, president Ralph Erikson openly called lactose intolerance […] Read more

1. Skip the review day Let’s be honest, the only students showing up to a review day are the ones who already know everything. Instead, use class time to catch up on sleep; you’re going to need to be well rested for this test! 2. Find your perfect study spot Having a perfect place to […] Read more

Officials were stunned last weekend when a refrigerator won the River City Marathon in Sacramento, California on Sunday. The refrigerator won the race with a time of 1:59:48, shattering the previous world record and stunning fans everywhere. “I never thought I’d see a refrigerator win a marathon,” said Joe Johnson, a spectator at the race […] Read more

President Barack Obama earlier this week vetoed a formal request from his oldest daughter Malia, 14, to go to dinner and a movie with one of her male classmates, instead electing to suspend her privilege of dating indefinitely. The official decision came merely seconds after the question was initially proposed, with the President adopting a […] Read more

Siblings Johnny and Haley Smith are reporting today that after two long years, their daddy still has not returned from his trip to heaven. After reportedly leaving in an “underground spaceship,” Haley and Johnny’s daddy has yet to make any contact with them — they are unable to confirm any possible return date. The pair […] Read more

By Barack Obama A guy shouldn’t ask for a lot in life, and I don’t think I have. Honestly. A nice gift from my wife here, the leadership of the entire free world there- it’s not much, really. I just don’t think I get enough thanks for the work I do. I mean, that […] Read more