Thousands of points knocked off football league tables

The sharp fall in global markets spread to the Premier league this morning as hundreds of points were knocked off the totals for teams in soccer’s top flight. Manchester United fell seven points while five points were knocked off Arsenal’s current league total, putting the London club back on top of the Premier League. Chelsea dropped to fourth after a 12 point fall in the value of their league record so far and a corresponding collapse in the value of their goal difference.

‘Me and the lads is gutted to be honest’ said Wayne Rooney from the Manchester United training ground. ‘We thought the points was in the bag, but then you can’t take nothing for granted in this game. That’s football isn’t it?’

Worst hit were Derby County who saw a massive 112 point drop in the value of their points leaving them on minus 105, and facing an almost impossible task ahead of them if they are to avoid relegation in May. Across the major European leagues the fall in league totals was even more severe, with the value of away wins halved in La Liga and Seria A. But there were some signs of recovery after lunch. In England’s Blue Square North League, clubs rallied after a shaky start and Blyth Spartans even increased the value of their league total to beyond what is mathematically possible at this stage of the season.

‘This is what happens when football gets too commercial’ said Alan Hansen on BBC’s Citywatch Extra. ‘Look at the replay of the Chelsea accountants transferring stocks to high risk bonds. There’s no cover there at all. It’s schoolboy stuff, if you want cash up front you needs solid investments in your reserves.’

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