Liu Xia: Two Poems

This is how you try to erase a person after he’s died: you delete all mentions of him. You ban the phrase R.I.P. on blogs. You arrest those who mourn him. You spread his ashes out in the ocean where no memorial can be built. You take his wife, the woman who now stands for him, and make her disappear.

This woman is the poet and artist Liu Xia.

The past few weeks have been devastating for her and for all of us who care about human rights in China. Liu Xia’s husband, Liu Xiaobo, died on July 13th from cancer he was diagnosed with in prison. He was an activist, Nobel Peace Prize winner, poet, deeply human in his writing, and deeply symbolic of the fight for democracy in China. He died of what many are calling “political murder” under guard, and unable to leave the hospital chosen for him, far from all of his friends and family, save Liu Xia. There in the hospital, it is believed, Liu Xia was allowed to touch her husband for the first time in seven years.

Liu Xia did not choose to be a political figure. She is an artist who fell in love with a poet she hung out with at salons she often hosted. She writes about Kafka and strange dreams and birds and smoking and her mother-in-law and Nijinsky and her brother and language and watching her beloved transform from man to figure and back again.

Liu Xia was placed under house arrest when Liu Xiaobo won the Nobel Peace Prize. Since then she’s been trapped in her home, barely allowed visitors or phone calls or guarded trips to the store. She hasn’t been able to sit with a friend and hear her own voice in response to another’s. Under house arrest, her health has deteriorated, and those few friends who’ve spoken with her say that the vibrant, specific woman they knew has become fragile, and is on the verge of breaking apart. Liu Xia was never accused of a crime. She was punished to punish her husband and as a lesson to a nation. And now no one knows where she is. No one knows where the Chinese government is hiding her.

Many of us here read and write poems to know that we exist, and that we are entwined with others through an art form that exists all over the world. Liu Xia is one of us, a poet. I wish there was one way to stop the erasure of a human, but I don’t think there is. Yet we can do this: read Liu Xia’s poems. They exist. We can enjoy them, or not. We can argue with them. We can pass them on to a friend and say, “Read this, this poet exists.” We can teach her poems or keep them for ourselves. We exist. And because of that, Liu Xia’s poems can speak even when her voice can’t be heard. I want to believe that it’s harder to erase this person, specific in her words and life, when we’re in the middle of a conversation.

— Jennifer Stern, co-translator of Liu Xia’s poems

Game

— for myself

Sitting here cross-legged,
lucid as a God,
I light a cigarette.

I see another me playing a dangerous
game in the human world.

You’re enjoying yourself,
wearing a costume, acting
whimsical. I try to remind you
every way I can
not to be careless.

I startle you while you’re sleeping,
snuff out the lights as you’re walking upstairs.
If you don’t have an umbrella,
I pour heavy rain.

But you don’t mind in the least,
like a child carried away with herself.
You play your games wholeheartedly.

I envy your not being
a clear-headed God.

Give me a glass of wine.
Let me play the game with you
regardless of ending with a full house applauding
or one person alone crying
to the night.

12/1992

Chaos

Marguerite Duras
has chosen me.
She’s pulled me off the ladder of time,
ending my days of moving through on my own.
I’m no longer satisfied merely watching
the surface of my daily life.
I want to be tapped on the head and feel pain.

Real chaos occupies me—
I’m surrounded by unreal images.
Strange shadows are everywhere
and everywhere there are traps.
I’m no longer the owner of this room.
I’ve been looted.
Duras orders me around
in her drunken madness.

If something is to be destroyed
please don’t leave traces behind.

There should be a hand
to give a simple
but firm signal
for anything that’s not yet clear.

5/1998

—

Poetry Northwest is featuring Liu Xia’s poems and this introduction alongside Bat City Review, Four Way Review, Hayden’s Ferry Review, Scoundrel Time, Tupelo Quarterly, and other publications in an effort to draw attention to the life and work of the poet Liu Xia at this critical moment. The poems, translated by Ming Di and Jennifer Stern, are reprinted from Empty Chairs: Selected Poems (Graywolf Press, 2015) with the permission of the translators and Graywolf Press.