Saturday, May 2, 2009

Time are tough. Yes I know they could be worse...or I could be living in a 3rd world country (and I give thanks to God I don't) but in my world, my nation, my life times are tough. The spiritual warfare is intense and it's exhausting. Just as I thought I saw a ray of light it clouded back over. I thought maybe I was going to get a nice breather but no, it's going to be a tough walk. All it takes is one short sentence. A sentence consisting of 2 words. A very tiny sentence to just punch you in the gut. What is this sentence? Can't share yet. Not all family members have been contacted yet. But let me tell ya. The weight on my shoulders is heavy, yet it makes my shoulders crawl clear up to the top of my head. Some days I have to remind myself to relax them.

When I first became a Christian I thought trials would come because of the name of Jesus. They would be due to my faith...because of Jesus. No one warned me that most all my trials would be within my family. Be it immediate or extended family. The hardest events I have suffered have been due to family relations. Now that I know this you would think it would make it easier, not. Now I am much older and much more tired. Breaking my spirit I think was the plan and purpose for my life. Once I get to the broken apart/down stage then I will be humble. I will be passive. I will be gentle in spirit. Will I ever get to that stage? I sure as heck hope so because the process is grueling.