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“When you arise in the morning, think what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
– Marcus Aurelius

It is often said, in spiritual circles, the path to enlightenment is to let go of desire – we are to become desireless to find peace.

I say, we are to embrace our desires and our LONGING to find PASSION, JOY, EXCITEMENT, LIFE!!!!

Give voice to, accept, acknowledge, admit, and honor your innermost longing – that thing that seems so unreachable, so huge, so terrifying that you don’t even want to admit to yourself that you want it. Yeah, embrace that MOTHERFUCKER!

Have I completely lost it???

Probably.

But think about it. You know that nagging pain in your ankle, neck, back, head, stomach, HEART, that you can’t explain and seems to come and go??? Or maybe just that growing feeling that your very soul is slowly dieing???

If you have a deep inner longing, a passionate desire, that you are not acknowledging, then you know what I’m talking about because that desire is trying to make itself known through your body and emotions, and it will not stop until you let it out! Even if it’s just a silent scream to the heavens, “I WANT THIS!”

If you are trying to bury your deepest desires, it fucking hurts. So let that shit out. Own it.

You’re only holding it in because you have convinced yourself, and allowed other people to convince you, that you cannot have what you desire.

So you’re afraid of it. You lock it away, and shove it down, and suppress it, but it hurts so much more to deny your desires, and you know it.

“I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

It feels awful to have a desire when you have convinced yourself you cannot have it; it feels joyous and exciting to have a desire and to KNOW it is already yours, and then to experience and participate in the manifestation of it.

And that is only the difference between saying “I want it BUT I can’t have it for this reason, and this reason…..”, and saying “I want it AND I don’t yet know how I will get it, but I am excited to find out!”

Seriously, we cannot be desireless. It is not human nature, or even the nature of any living being, and it would be so Goddamn boring!

We incarnated into these physical bodies to experience life! This is the adventure package all expenses paid vacation!

“What if we tried Owning Surrender by letting go? Not letting go of our dreams, our goals, our hopes, our relationships – but rather, letting go of how we think we can MAKE them happen. Having faith enough in the universe that what is meant for you will occur, and that your only job is to dream up the picture, intend it, bless it, and then to let go and enjoy the ride.”

And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!”

And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.”

Iain Thomas

I’m a big believer in the power of meditation to improve your state of mind and help you to become more focused. Most importantly, I believe that establishing a meditation practice is key to really reaping those benefits, as opposed to just meditating every now and then, or whenever you take a yoga class.

Lately I’ve really let my meditation practise slide; in fact my whole self-care routine has fallen apart, and I’ve really been noticing the side effects of this, as my thoughts have become more scattered, my emotions more volatile, and my energy levels decreased.

This often happens when we go through big changes in life, like moving or starting a new job etc… It’s important to get back on track as soon as possible.

If you don’t already have a self-care routine, consider starting one; it’s a wonderful way to begin and end every day, and can involve any activities you feel help you to relax and relieve stress. Taking time out of every day to take care of yourself promotes a feeling of self-worth that is not reliant on anyone or anything else. It sends the message “I am important and being kind and loving to myself is important to me”.

For a start, you can try this heart opening meditation I started this morning. It’s a variation on a meditation I used to do every morning, that I called “being a cup”. I was inspired to refine the visualization this morning and felt compelled to share it. It’s very simple, and I found myself feeling incredibly light and open afterwards.

First get into a comfortable seated position, preferably upright since you don’t want to fall asleep. Close your eyes and begin focusing on your breathing. Breathe in and out in long deep breaths through your nose, completely filling and emptying your lungs.

I’d love to be able to sit with each of you and teach you proper deep breathing, but unfortunately that’s not possible. The best way I can describe it is you feel like you are pulling air in through the back of your throat, instead of sniffing air in through your nostrils, even though you are still breathing through your nose. If you are doing this correctly, you should feel your air passages opening, and deep breaths of 8 counts in and 8 counts out should seem easy. When I am breathing deeply, pausing between breaths can be the most relaxing part of the meditation, because it’s the closest the body ever comes to stillness (while living of course!).

This isn’t the most important part though, so don’t worry if you haven’t got the knack of it yet. Just breathe deeply in a rhythm that seems easy to you.

Once you have a good rhythm going with your breath, and you’re starting to feel relaxed, then you can begin the visualization, if you’d like. It’s perfectly alright to just continue focusing on your breath, if you want. You may find thoughts popping up and your mind keeps wandering. Do not be deterred; simply bring your attention back to your breath, over and over. This is a practise in focus that will serve you well in future.

While you are breathing deeply in, filling your lungs from the bottom to the top, imagine you are a cup, a crystal clear goblet, and golden bubbly liquid like champagne is being poured in through the top of your head, your crown chakra. Feel your heart center being filled by this golden liquid, or light. Then, as you exhale, expelling all of the air from the bottom of your lungs to the top, imagine that golden light pouring out from your heart center.

Fill your cup completely, and then empty it completely.

Breathe in the Unconditional Love from Source, then breathe it all back out into the world, in no particular direction, just become a conduit for Love, indiscriminately pouring forth into the world.

Feel how every time you empty your heart, you are then filled again, how their is no ending to the eternal Love of Source.

Know that you can give all of your Love without fear, without needing to receive anything in return, because you will always be renewed.

Feel how your opening creates a void, and that Source Love rushes in to fill that void every time.

Know that the Love you are now a conduit for, that is now pouring from you, will find other voids to fill; you do not need to direct it.

Feel the surety of knowing that you always have access to that Eternal Unconditional Love.

I recommend 30 minutes twice a day, but you can start with less and work your way up to , or even exceed 30 minutes. If the Buddhist monks can meditate for 3 hours (YIKES!) every morning and evening, then the rest of us can manage 30 minutes.

Remember that this practise is for self-care and showing Loving kindness to yourself; if you are having to force it, beyond just the initial struggle to begin, then perhaps, for that morning, being kind to yourself is letting yourself off the hook! Perhaps, hitting a punching bag or going for a run, or some other cathartic activity, might be what you are needing. You may even feel like meditating afterwards. Remember also that your own fears and doubts may put up roadblocks to your self-care.

In my opinion, listening to your own inner guidance, and honoring the impulses that you receive from within, is the greatest form of kindness and respect you can show yourself. You will know true guidance because it will feel really good to listen to it; letting fears or doubts get in the way of self expansion will not feel good.

“If you meditate regularly, even when you don’t feel like it, you will make great gains, for it will allow you to see how your thoughts impose limits on you. Your resistances to meditation are your mental prisons in miniature.” – Ram Dass

“To know yourself is the most fundamental Truth of life, it is the ultimate experience of your eternity, of your immortality, of your beginningless, endless existence. In the moment you know yourself you know everything. In the moment you know yourself you are home and you are the most beautiful being under heaven.” – Anonymous

Sometimes I like to do tarot card, or rune readings. I choose the cards intuitively. I feel like by doing this, I am accessing an alternate part of my consciousness. A different point of view than the one in my immediate frame of mind. A different perspective. I have different decks, because different decks give you different possibilities. Today I chose to pull some cards from my Angel Dreams deck. I was hoping to get some direction to help me become more productive, to tap into my creative potential, because I feel like I’ve been wasting my days lately.

Well, the overwhelmingly obvious response from the cards was exactly the opposite of what I wanted to hear. The very clear message was simply REST. Give yourself a freaking break! Look inwards and be honest with yourself! And, to be honest, I have more than enough to handle right now, without adding some big creative project to the load.

We often expect too much from ourselves. We are not often able to admit, or accept what we are really capable of handling at one time. Even on the path to enlightenment, we can beat ourselves up for not becoming enlightened fast enough!

Currently, I am involved in a law suite, resulting from a car accident I was in a couple of years ago. I have been fighting with myself, and doing everything in my power, to keep from focusing on that law suite, because I didn’t want it to take over my life. I wanted to keep going on with my life, and remain positive, but I was fighting to disregard my own feelings! Everything in my being is telling me to focus on it, is saying that right now, being involved in a law suite, the result of which could impact the rest of my life, is more than enough to handle, and is worthy of my focus! Just that I need to focus positively on this situation, on what I can do to contribute to the realization of a positive outcome.

Fighting against this impulse has accomplished nothing. I haven’t been able to simply carry on with my life, nor have I been able to take proactive action towards a positive outcome. I have been struggling in limbo, and let me tell you, it is exhausting fighting yourself! And what have I been doing about that? Beating myself up for being exhausted! Because that’s helpful! (Sarcasm alert)

NO MORE.

If I need to lay in bed till 11am, then I’ll lay in bed till 11am. If my greatest urge right now, is to wrap myself up in blankets and listen to music, then I should honor that.

No Shame.

No Regret.

Just do whatever it is I am moved to do, at this moment.

But that’s too simple!

BAM!

No more trying to force myself to be diligent about my physio exercises, despite pain and exhaustion, because I wasn’t succeeding anyways, at anything other than making myself feel guilty for not doing them all.

No more telling myself that since I am not working, and I have all this time on my hands, I should be accomplishing something brilliant like writing a novel or composing a symphony or some shit, because I have enough on my plate with a law suite and learning to manage and live with chronic pain, walking my dog every day, and you know, taking care of myself.

No more telling myself I am a waste because I am not doing something productive, or spectacular, or winning a pulitzer, because I am enough, just as I am.

Being me is enough.

And maybe, just maybe, when I stop fighting myself, I will get through this law suite a more enlightened person, and maybe I will find I have the urge to do more than curl up in a blanket fort, and maybe, by just being me, by following my strongest urges, the things that everything in my being is screaming at me to do, the things that I don’t have to beat myself up or cajole myself to do, then maybe I will find my purpose. Maybe when I give myself permission to follow my heart, and when I start to trust it’s direction, it will lead me somewhere beautiful…

“Who sits in solitude and is quiet hath escaped from three wars: hearing, speaking, seeing: yet against one thing shall he continually battle: that is, his own heart.” ~ Abbot Anthony

I was sitting by a beautiful lake at sunset being frustrated and distracted by little things; the moment wasn’t the perfect scene I had pictured in my head. There was a dog barking, cutting through the otherwise perfect silence, and I was being bitten by mosquitos, and I had a hundred and one worries running through my head. I’d been looking forward to getting away from the city and having peace and solitude at the lake all week, but then, once I got there, I wasn’t able to enjoy it. When suddenly I thought to myself “look around you, look where you are!” I looked around and really saw for the first time that day, and a sense of awe and wonder bubbled up inside me as I sat there on the dew dampened grass watching the fish jumping out of the water, and admiring the tall grasses waving in the wind; at that moment more beautiful than a colourful bouquet, their dark silhouettes set against the last light of day reflecting off the water. It is in moments like that, when “the wildness and the pang of life steals into our hearts and thrills them” (~William James) that you realize what it’s all about, that all life culminates in this one moment, and the need for everything to be “just so” disintegrates as you finally appreciate what is.

It’s easy to get “caught” in a bad mood; to feel like there’s nothing we can do to shake it. Cartoonists depict a bad mood as our own personal rain cloud following us around, and it can certainly feel that way; like a force of nature, but that story paints us as a victim. When we become a victim of our bad moods, we surrender control of our thoughts and emotions; the very things we have the most potential to control in this ever changing life.

When we give up control; because it is a choice, conscious or not; we start to feel powerless and “out of control” in our daily lives. We start to see everything in a negative light under that dark cloud: children’s laughter becomes annoying instead joyous, that beautiful sunny day is too hot and bright, everything our spouse says and does is wrong; it’s almost as if we start to look for things to add to our misery, to justify our bad mood, rather than owning our own feelings.

The problem starts to magnify as our bad mood effects our words and actions. We start to drift away from our core values and act in ways that go against our authentic selves: snapping at our children and spouses, losing it on the checkout clerk, cutting people off in traffic. All of this sets off a chain reaction as the people around us tend to react to our negativity in a negative way. Surrender to bad moods often enough and it becomes habit, part of our automatic programming; we drift on autopilot in a sea of negativity and we can drift so far away from our true selves, our highest potential for good, that it can seem impossible to find our way back.

The key to staying authentic, holding on to our truths, is to take back control of our thoughts and feelings: to take responsibility for our own moods. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and really own what you are feeling, right now, at this moment. No one and nothing “made” you feel this way. You made a decision, whether conscious or not, to feel this way, and you have the power to decide to feel differently. The power you have over your own emotions is incredible, and the more you practice consciousness of thought, the easier it becomes to stay in control.

This is why we have a “meditation practice”, because meditation is a practice for life. Not the practice of having an empty mind, but the practice of focusing your thoughts, bringing them back again and again so that when you find your thoughts spiraling out of control you have the capacity to bring them back to center again and again. Meditation is the practice of conscious thought.

OPPORTUNITIES AND CHOICES

“Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything.” ~ Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life

You can make a decision, right now, to change your focus, to change your mood. Whatever situation or person you are holding responsible for your bad mood right now, free them of that responsibility. Put the power right back where it belongs: in your hands, or more accurately, in your mind.

That situation didn’t just happen to you; own the fact that you created it, that it is exactly what you need at this moment for your personal growth. Ask the question “what do I need to learn from this in my life right now?” Be grateful for the challenge and the opportunity to grow.

“On some dimension or other, every event in life can be causing only one of two things: either it is good for you, or it is bringing up what you need to look at in order to create good for you.
Evolution is win-win…life is self-correcting.”
~ Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life

That person didn’t do that hurtful thing TO you; that person did something misguided and small. You chose to take it personally, you chose to be hurt by it. You can make a different choice. You can change your mind. Choose to see that misguided small person for who they really are: another Soul, lost and confused on the journey to enlightenment just like yourself.

Recognize parts of yourself in them, as much as it may pain you to do so. Learn true humility and look at the parts of yourself you are really scared to face staring back at you in their eyes.

Recognize that the fear and the pain come from not accepting those parts of yourself. When you are able to love those parts, you will be able to love that person, and be grateful they came into your life to act as your mirror and teacher. They are there to play a role in your life, as you are there to play a role in their life.

Recognize that we are all actors on the stage of life, and nothing is personal. In your eyes, they are just the role they are playing in your life, but in reality, they are a Soul, a heart, and a consciousness: a piece of the Divine.

Recognize the Divine in them, and the Divine in you, and the Divine at work in your life.

These are the tough lessons.

This is the real hard shit.

This is when you rise to the challenge, let go of your ego, and let yourself love yourself as you truly are, not as you pretend to be, or wish you were.

This is when you realize that everything you are is enough, and when everything you are is enough, then every need you have to be right, or to be validated, or to be justified melts away, and taking ownership of your feelings is no longer terrifying because there is no judgement at your own failings; no nagging voice telling you you are not good enough.

Just acceptance.

Just Love.

Love yourself enough to choose better things for yourself.

Love yourself enough to take back your power and remember that this is a journey and that you won’t get it all right all of the time, but every moment is another opportunity to make a better choice. Be grateful for the opportunity to shine.

“The truly courageous person is able to withstand harm without the mental suffering that hatred and anger bring.” ~ The Dalai Lama

“So much of spiritual life involves one’s interior journey, yet for most of us spirituality gets expressed – even transformed – only in our relationships with others.”

– Philip Simmons, Learning to Fall

Dear Lover,

We had two perfect weeks.

Two amazing, soul inspiring, life affirming, LOVE affirming weeks out of time and reality, suspended in a golden bubble.

No one can take those two weeks away.

They cannot be tainted, they cannot be REPLICATED, but they will be treasured forever in my heart.

I will remember those two weeks.

I will forget that phone conversation when you tried to wrest them from me.

I will not wonder if I will ever see you again; that is not for me to decide. The flow of the Universe brought us together, and only the flow of the Universe can bring us back together. If we never come back together, then we were only ever meant to have those two weeks, and I am not what you need, and you are not what I
need. Trust.

Love ALways,

Robin

Dear Lover,

I do Love you. I will always Love you. Unconditionally. No matter how far away you are, or how much time passes. I Love you.

This is not a possessive Love. I do not expect anything in return.

Just know, that out there in the world, there is someone who saw the best in you once, and will always believe you can be that person. Someone who shared the best of herself with you. You brought that out; you brought out the best in me.

Love Always,

Robin

Dear Lover,

You can’t love me.

You can’t see me.

You can’t hear me.

You can’t feel me.

But I love you. I see you. I hear you. I feel you. I don’t hate you.

I don’t need to hate to let go, not anymore.

I don’t forgive you; there is nothing to forgive. Thank you for accepting my love, may it set you free.

Love Always,

Robin

Dear Lover,

There is nothing to forgive. Would I forgive you for being human? I am only human myself.

You did what you felt you needed to do. I do not take it personally. Yes I am in pain, but the pain is mine; you did not cause it.

You did not break my heart; I broke my heart. I broke my heart with expectation, with need, with my inability to accept. I broke my heart with fear.

There is nothing to forgive. You are on your journey, I am on mine. We both choose the quality of our passage, although we may not always choose the means.

Love Always,

Robin

“The universe is made up of experiences that are designed to burn out your attachment, your clinging, to pleasure, to pain, to fear, to all of it. And as long as there is a place where you’re vulnerable, the universe will find a way to confront you with it.”

– Ram Dass

There is no easy path. I keep asking myself “why do I always choose the harder path?”, but the real question is “why do I choose to suffer over the journey?”.

There is no easy path; there is no harder path.There are just many paths. Each with obstacles and challenges. Each leading to the same destination. And there is the choice to suffer or to accept; to embrace LOVE or to be ruled by FEAR.

Now that I accept responsibility for my own suffering, there is no reason for blame. Anger at all past hurts fades away, and is replaced by understanding. A new level of clarity is reached, and with it comes a sense of awakening freedom; a soft light emerging on the horizon, harkening the dawn of a new day.