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Lost my Dad last night

At 2245 Central my brother notified me that my dad passed away. He has wanted to go for a long time now and was ready to go be with the Lord. It has not really hit me yet and I still haven't grieved really when my mom passed away in 2006.I don't really know why that is? Does it make me callous or insensitive? Back during my time in the service I witnessed a lot of death and destruction and I wonder if that has done something to my mind. I just don't really know what to say except that the world has become a bit more empty now that my dad is gone.

Re: Lost my Dad last night

Ron: Our thoughts are with you and the family. Having lost both of my parents at different times during the last 12 years, the grieving came in parts and pieces. No, I don't think not having a single period of grieving makes you callous or insensitive, as most of our minds work in mysterious ways and tries to protect us. Just be thankful for the time you had with both of your parents.
Rex

Re: Lost my Dad last night

Ron, so sorry for your loss. Grieving is a process that takes many different forms for different people. All the stages will occur but there's no set timeline. Lost my dad in 2000. Still think about him often. It's tough but I know he's in a better place. Military and first responder personnel see many things most people wouldn't or couldn't understand. It doesn't make us callous or insensitive but our perceptions and the way we deal with these situations is obviously modified. Stay strong and positive, remember the good times, and keep your faith. These things will help you make it thru. Be sure to have an outlet for your thoughts and emotions. Bottling that stuff up can lead you down a destructive path. Spent many years on that path and didn't even realize it. Feel free to shoot me a pm if you need an ear to bend.

Re: Lost my Dad last night

Sorry to hear of this Ron, and filled with dread for it happening to me. Hang in there man.

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -Robert A. Heinlein
"Count your blessings and you will never finish" - Fr. Jim Babb, SJ

Re: Lost my Dad last night

Ron almost exactly one year ago I was where you are today. I had lost my mother a few years before and then my dad on April 1,2016. I think that grieving is very personal and a lot depends on how the person you lost dealt with the lead up to their death. When a person is ready to go , as it sounds like your dad was (and so was mine) I think it makes the process easier for those that remain. We somehow know that they are where they want to be and we can focus more on the positive memories of the past rather than our loss. I still miss my father terribly, he was my best friend and almost constant outdoor companion, but I would be a selfish man if I wanted him to stay around when he didn't want to. For me it is difficult to grieve for someone who has lived a long and great life and now has gotten what they want at the end. I grieve for my loss (selfishly) but not for my dad, I know he is at peace. I hope you find a way to get through this time and keep sight of the idea that it is time that will help you deal with this in your own way. Best to you and you family and I am sorry for your loss.

Re: Lost my Dad last night

Ron, Lost my Mom at the end of my last deployment and Dad a couple of years ago. Grieving comes to all of us in different ways. I was an emotional wreak when I learned of a friends death in Mogadishu in 93, but was strangely calm when my parents passed. Some of that is surely a result of our war time experiences, that doesn't make you callus, merely more mature in dealing with the emotions. Knowing his final destination makes it easer as well.
AN ADMIRABLE MAN

If a man is honest with others and with himself-
If he receives gratefully and gives quietly-
If he is gentle enough to feel and strong enough to show his feelings-
If he is slow to see the faults of others but quick enough to discover their goodness-
If he is cheerful in difficult times and modest in success-
If he does his best to be true to his beliefs-
Then he is truly an admirable man.
*This was given to me by my Father, to be read at his funeral. The author is unknown to me.