So I get in the car after a great meeting with my L and see that stbxwh has called 3 times. And then texted "Can you talk for a sec?" - so I obviously know there is no issue with the boys (who are with him right now) or he would have l/m or said so...

So I plan to ignore him...until I start thinking- maybe he had drive tonight after all and needs me to take the kids? If you remember my earlier posts this week, he asked me if I could take the kids on his parenting night because he had to drive out of town and instead of saying "YES" and documenting, I said "Aren't you supposed to plan your travel around the kids??" (*stupid*)

So I call him back- he says are you calling to talk to the boys? I said - well I can, but I'm returning your three phone calls and text from earlier. What's up?

I can then hear him *sniffing* and he says "hold on a sec" and I can hear him moving away from where the boys are...
And then I can hear that he is crying...

AND THEN- he says - "DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS DIVORCE IS A GOOD IDEA? I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF SOUL SEARCHING AND SOME REALLY CLEAR HONEST THINKING- PROBABLY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE - AND I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA. IS THERE ANY CHANCE FOR US TO GO BACK?"

Oh. My. God. I almost went off the road.

Anyway, I very calmly said "I have never wanted this divorce and you know I did EVERYTHING I COULD to stop it from happening. However, now it is happening and it's too late to go back."

And he bawled and bawled.
And we talked a bit more- and I said "I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I went back to you now" and "I can't believe you're saying this to me now after all that you've put me through" and then I could feel myself getting more and more ANGRY...
And then I said- I'm going to go now and he agreed and said he shouldn't be like this with the kids in close proximity.

Holy. F#$K

So- like everyone, I daydreamed that this would happen some day. And I thought I would react in one of two ways. 1) I would laugh in his face and feel happy that I got to reject him or 2) I was worried I wouldn't be strong enough to say no. I know I am way more detached from him than I was even a month ago- but I don't necessarily trust my heart and my heart has almost always trumped my head in my yesteryears.

I didn't feel either of those things. I feel mad. Fucking furious, actually. Because...

1) I don't trust his motives. Perhaps when he met with HIS lawyer yesterday for the first time the potential grim picture he is facing finally settled in and he is scared. Maybe this is because he's been dumped by OW who realizes she doesn't want to move out of province to a place where people will hate her, quit her job, leave her FOO, and move in with a man she has only known under A terms. Maybe his parents have refused to pony up the dough for him to keep his house...

2) If it's none of those things and he ACTUALLY REALIZES that he wants back with me- what kind of a stunted, infant, CHILD would be that head-up-their-ass stupid to only figure this out NOW. After everything that he has put me through??? FTG!!!! FT FT FT FT! I do not need to be with someone that emotionally unaware and who would gamble with the person WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT TO THEM because they "think" they don't want to work things out. This aint Junior High, kid!

Anyway- I'm overwhelmed and I can't believe it and I'm so fucking mad right now I could go through the roof. I'm about to get on my elliptical trainer for the first time in about 3 weeks to get rid of some of this steam.

HOW DARE HE PULL THIS SHIT.
Grow the fuck up. My heart is NOT a yo yo. I refuse to be hoovered in by your bullshit.

[This message edited by Klove at 5:56 PM, April 24th (Thursday)]

"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014

Klove♀ 42096Member # 42096

Posted: 5:09 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014

And by the way incase I didn't say it, I don't want to go back to him. I didn't even feel a flicker of that in my heart.
And I'm kind of amazed.

"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014

Gemini71♀ 40115Member # 40115

Posted: 5:31 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014

Good for you!!! Go work off that steam.

FTG! He's a day late and a dollar short to say the least!! I noticed he didn't say anything about what he can do to change your mind. Just a generic 'go back' a.k.a. rugsweep the whole thing. He's finally realized he's not the 'prize' in this situation, you are, and he's already thrown it away. Tough sh!t.

Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.

Posts: 2347 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA

one2ndchance♀ 14759Member # 14759

Posted: 5:56 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014

There was no mention of love? He didn't say that he realized he still loved you? He didn't say that he realized what a wonderful woman you are? He didn't say you were the only woman who matters to him?

My money is on the fact that he's been told by his L how much this divorce is going to COST him.

He now understands that approximately 40% of his income will go to you for SS and CS.

He no longer has you to do all the things you did for him during your marriage.

He now will be responsible for raising his children up to 50% of the time, while you, historically, have done most of the primary care giving since they were born.

He misses the convenience of coming home to a nice house that is kept in order by you.

He's felt the social effects from family, friends and acquaintances knowing he's a cheater.

Yup...divorce is a bitch and often not all they think it's cracked up to be.

Gotta say- I would NEVER EVER have gotten this far without all the support I've found here at SI. I can't thank you enough for that...and when this all went down even though I've never met any of you IRL- you all are the first people I wanted to tell because I knew you'd be proud of me...and make me laugh.
Thanks and hugs to you all.

"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014

kg201♂ 40173Member # 40173

Posted: 6:52 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014

Good job Klove. You rock!

Me: BH, 40
Her: WW
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, living together
Dday: 7/28/13
Ds17, DS12, DD12
Divorced! 2/24/2015
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence witho

Posts: 892 | Registered: Aug 2013

MadeOfScars♂ 42231Member # 42231

Posted: 7:03 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014

Damn proud of you Klove!

Sniffles McFucktool

Holy shit that's awesome!

“Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.” - Dave Mustaine

"A unicorn isn't a unicorn. It's a donkey with a plunger stuck to it's face."

Posts: 1741 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas

nowiknow23♀ 33226Member # 33226

Posted: 7:39 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014

Lordy. Right on cue.

Very well done, honey. I hope you are proud of you, because you are amazing.

Spoiler alert: At some point down the line, be prepared for him to spin all this to make it sound like he wanted to make things work, but you were a heartless witch who wouldn't give him a chance. Soulful puppy dog eyes and some well placed sighs will punctuate his fiction.

You can call me NIK

“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön

Posts: 28327 | Registered: Aug 2011

Chrysalis123♀ 27148Member # 27148

Posted: 7:40 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014

Good for You.

It is great to see recovery in action.

Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.

Posts: 3016 | Registered: Jan 2010

Caretaker1♂ 42777Member # 42777

Posted: 9:03 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014

I know a couple that turned it around and they are stronger for it, however they are the exception, not the norm.

He was a real jerk to cheat. They all are. You are no ones plan B.

How many kids involved? Ego gets in the way on birth sides, but at least you got remorse and regret. Divorce blows infidelity muddies the waters, it's ashame some think with their crotches rather than their minds.

You are exercising and doing things right. At least the in laws are not interfering. And I'm still laughing at Pass and Sniffles Mcfucktool lol

[This message edited by Caretaker1 at 9:07 PM, April 24th (Thursday)]

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014

SBB♀ 35229Member # 35229

Posted: 9:13 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014

If it is true remorse (spoiler alert - it isn't) then he will do the work whether or not you proceed with the D.

Whenever your mind starts playing tricks on you don't think about this conversation but all of the shitty things he has said/done to date.

I think he has had a reality kick in the arse and he's trying to backtrack. Mr Hyde will come out again when he realises his manipulation tactics no longer work on you.

That's when the real show starts.

It burns me to read this because I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

Stay strong, friend. FTG. This is just another tactic. Knowing it doesn't make it hurt any less. You will likely start doubting yourself in days to come. This is what he wants.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5843 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia

ButterflyGirl♀ 38377Member # 38377

Posted: 9:26 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014

Standing ovation from me.

I love when it goes from the wayward being in control of the relationship to the BS taking that shit by the balls and running the show. Rock on girl. Those bitch boots look fabulous on you.

And don't get too mad. He's a grade A FuckTard that's gonna do lots of stupid shit. Get used to it, laugh it off, roll your eyes, etc. I *know* this guy is gonna get your blood boiling more than once. But your job is to give him so little control over you that he can't even do that..

***FTG***

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven

Posts: 2805 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida

TheAgonyOfIt♀ 39114Member # 39114

Posted: 9:39 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014

ohhhh your rant is so so cathartic!!!

i've so been so mad through the roof type mad, but i'm not smart enough to get on an elliptical to burn it off. i should have a cortisol monitor. i'm sure it would scare the hell out of me.

your details are a little different but the audacity of the head up his ass and your fury is so relatable...

i hope the elliptical helps

Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Left home, job, whole life behind and difficult** adjusting. Dog injured and too much to handle. Supremely bummed out.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit

allatsea♂ 38923Member # 38923

Posted: 6:02 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014

I absolutely love this. I feel excited and thrilled for you.

Regardless of his motivation, it must be great to know that his life isn't as great as he originally professed it to be?

I'll never get that kind of acknowledgement from CExW so I'll enjoy yours, if I may?