It wasn’t a great week for Hornets, but they did surpass the 1000 point mark – our first and only team to do so thus far. Our team of the week scored almost twice as many points and did so off the back of a resurgent Everton side. Wayne Rooney captained Upper Bullens to 79 points. Jonjoe Kenny chipped in with another six points for a third clean sheet in four. The young right back is locked in until Seamus Coleman returns it seems and will still only set you back £4.3 million. In fact three of Everton’s back four – that’s Kenny, Cuco Martina and Mason Holgate – won’t cost you any more than that price.

Player of the week – Shinnji Okazaki – 16 points

Why hadn’t anyone thought of playing Okazaki for 90 minutes before? He’s normally hooked around the 70 minute mark. This will end up being his best fantasy season. Even better than the championship winning season. He’s already on six goals – the most he’s ever managed in a campaign.

Bargain of the week – Tiemoue Bakayoko – 9 points

It’s odd to see an elite team player in bargain section, but at only £5 million, Bakayoko is your second cheapest route into the Chelsea team after N’Golo Kante. Kante is a bit of a waste of funds as your classic holding midfielder. Bakayoko’s score has been ticking along at the same rate – and so is probably not worth the investment either.

Twat of the week – Jonjo Shelvey – -1 points

It was so nearly another Watford player picking up the twat award for yet another sending off. It would have been their fifth of the season and maybe a stat worth noting when considering changes to the team. However, Tom Cleverley was spared the ignominy by virtue of costing £0.1 million less than Shelvey. Also probably a more justified red given the challenges involved.

Goal of the week – James McCarthur.

This was tough. It was a week low on belters, but Zaha’s trickery and the last-minute-ness of the goal wins the award. 1m04s.

Greenyteamy’s monster scores in the first two weeks of the month put them so far out in front it was difficult to see how anyone could catch them. Despite a slight slip up last week, another impressive score this week – only four behind the week’s best – made sure of their monthly victory. Their four week run has seem them leap from twenty-fourth to fourth and into that pack chasing down the Hornets, who still hold a 31 point lead at the top.

Manager of the week – Atletico Chappers – Richard Chapman – 67 points

Up into 12th and finishing 3rd in the November table Chappers have also made great strides in the last few weeks climbing from 37th at the end of October. They’ve tried out, and I suppose, been kind of successful, with a rotation of Watford captains for the last four weeks. Either Richarlison or Abdoulaye Doucoure are handed the armband and between them have picked up 4, 12, 6 and 6 points. There have been better options as captain, particularly with Mohamed Salah, Jamie Vardy and Marcos Alonso as ever presents. But had Chappers picked the best scoring of their Watford players each week, they’d have notched scores of 14, 12, 16 and 14 and that would have outscored Harry Kane and Romelu Lukaku combined. So there is some method to this madness.

Player of the week – Mesut Ozil – 17 points

January is approaching so it’s time for Ozil (and Sanchez) to start giving a shit. Since gameweek nine he has scored two and assisted five Arsenal goals. Yet, in that time he has been transferred OUT of more teams and has seen his value drop to £9.3 million. It’s still not all that cheap for a player so unpredictable and there is so much competition in the midfield, but with only a 1.8% (1.8%??!?!?!?!) ownership, having this guy in your team could work in your favour. Nobody else will be scoring those points

Bargain of the week – Ashley Young – 15 points

Watch this value rocket in the coming weeks. Young started the season as a £5 million midfielder and only made his first appearance in gameweek 5 coming in to plug the hole in United’s left back area. He’s been an ever present since that game and has been a stand-out performer in recent weeks. The last three have garnered two goals, two assists, six bonus points and 29 points overall. It’s tricky to second guess managers and who knows what’s going to happen as the December fixture pile-up kicks in, but he seems to have that position nailed at the moment. The potential is there for more, particularly when Jose opts to play with three at the back and pushes the wing backs further forward. It’s a shame we don’t get clean sheet points for his displays as well. He’d be an absolute must-have as a defender.

Twat of the week – Pablo Zabaleta – -1 points

Just when you thought Everton were the most massively under-achieving and overpaid wastes of money in the league – you’re reminded of West Ham. Zabaleta probably should have seen red after getting away with a worse challenge than the one that saw him pick up his yellow card. There is little sense in having a West Ham defender in your team.

Goal of the week – Jamie Vardy.

Probably ten contenders. But as I rather stubbornly and unforgiving think any footballer worth their salt should be able to kick the ball into an empty net from 60 yards (Rooney) or run with a ball unchallenged for 60 yards (Lingard), I’ll give it to the most skillful goal of the (Tuesday) night. Goal at 2 minutes in.

It happens so often that the last game of the weekend saves a gameweek. Romelu Lukaku’s 13 point haul, doubled to 26 with the armband, was the score that took Fun Lovren Criminals to the Buckets summit for week one and win them the first manager of the week accolade. Lukaku and Harry Kane vied for top ownership and top captain choice for this opening round of fixtures. Those opting for the United forward reaped the rewards. Kane lovers had the added disappointment of seeing their man booked, and thus picking up a measly two points as skipper. Impressive Premier League club debuts from Mohamed Salah, Alexandre Lacazette and Sead Kolasinac also contributed to FLC’s early lead, and the performance of all of those four players in particular bodes well for their fantasy careers.

Player of the week – Ahmed Hegazi – 15 points.

Best debut of the lot came from West Brom’s new Egyptian centre back, Ahmed Hegazi. Tony Pulis should just play a 1-10-0-0 and be done with it. No need for attackers. Don’t be surprised if a defender ends up as West Brom’s top scorer this season. Keep 13 clean sheets, score five or six goals, get to 40 points in March, start planning your holidays. Easy.

Week one is never without it’s surprise results. Burnley sold their main striker the evening before. Their away record last season was shocking. Chelsea, the Champions, only lost twice at home last season, kept 16 clean sheets and beat their opponents 3-0 almost a year ago. When it goes tits up in week one it feels so much worse than at any other time of the season, probably because you’ve been aching over your selection since mid July. But no-one could have seen this coming. Although, as much as I don’t see Sam Vokes clogging up too many forward lines, I also don’t see too many Chelsea defenders in any of our squads either. Are they priced too highly? Shoelace however, who are propping us all up, were unfortunate enough to plump for Cahill. But for Lukaku, and a scoring start from Sergio Aguero, mid to low priced strikers came out on top. As well as Vokes, honorable mentions should go to Steve Mounie and some bloke called Wayne Rooney.

As the 96th minute rolled round at the Emirates yesterday, Alexis Sanchez was sat on two points, and with the rest of the Arsenal team, feeling aggrieved at the seven minutes of added time that had afforded Burnley a penalty with which they had leveled up the game at 1-1. A minute later and the fantasy world breathed a sigh of relief as he chipped Arsenal’s own slightly dubious penalty down the middle of the Burnley goal and added a much welcomed six points to his score. With most of us seemingly carrying him as captain this week, that amounted to an extra 12 points, and an above average total in the 60’s, and in some cases, the 70’s.

The highest of which was Shoelace Untied who hit 77 points. Sanchez’s 16 point contribution was backed up by 34 points from their defence, courtesy of a clean sheet each from Cesar Azpilicueta, Gareth McAuley and Seamus Coleman. McAuley and Coleman also added an asisst and a goal and top bonus marks. Coleman ended up as player of the week as the Everton bandwagon gathered pace. They’re the latest team to change to three at the back giving us five of the Everton defence scoring meaningful points. Three consecutive clean sheets has promoted Coleman into the top table of defenders with Leighton Baines two positions behind. Given the kind run of fixtures on the horizon for Everton, their totals and their stock should continue to rise.

Average weeks for our top three enabled the chasing pack to close the gap a little. There’s an average of 10 points separating each team in the top seven before the placings concertina with 30 points separating the next 12 teams. We’ve an FA Cup break next weekend, but then an instant set of midweek fixtures to complete February. For the record, the manager of the month table looks like this…

Friday’s preview highlighted the rising stock of the Chelsea team and I don’t know why I didn’t take my own advice. Their fifth consecutive clean sheet and their fifth consecutive victory. They were the only team to keep a clean sheet this weekend. Only 11 defenders collected anything but their appearance points and four of them play for Chelsea. Eden Hazard scored his fifth goal in four games and registered the highest score of the week. His overall performance merited much more than the 19 points he achieved. He’s an absolutely essential buy at the moment.

So, it’s just typical that a two week international break should come along. Although it does give you plenty of time to figure out exactly how to wedge him into your team. But with each passing day there’s the danger that his value will edge higher and higher. It had already jumped from £9.8 to £10 million over the two gameweeks before the Everton game. There’s every chance it’ll increase by the same amount, or maybe more, come the gameweek 12 deadline. And the same goes for absolutely everybody else in the Chelsea starting XI at the moment from Courtois to Costa.

No less impressive were Liverpool, hammering six past Watford. Their front four all returned double figure scores. It was Philippe Coutinho’s fourth – a feat only matched by Hazard and Alexis Sanchez. Mane, Lallana and Firmino have all managed three each. They occupy four of the top twelve scorers overall – four of the top eight midfielders. If you’ve still got a wildcard, gameweek 12 looks like a perfect opportunity to play it. At whose expense might be better looked at in the preview in a fortnights time. A few injuries to Arsenal, Spurs and City players over the international break will make that decision a bit easier. Here’s hoping.

Racing Club Skegness were far and away our highest scorers of the week with 87 points. There were only two other managers in the 70’s. Greenyteamy opted for Firmino as captain. He contributed 30 of their 77 points. Cooksters 74 points came with a 38 point contribution from Hazard as captain. Skegness also went with Hazard, but also benefited from Coutinho’s contribution, a resurgence from Wayne Rooney on his recall to the Manchester United squad and Sam Vokes’ 11 point return, which puts him at the top of the budget striker picks. His current form is bettered only by that of Costa and Romelu Lukaku.

Player of the week – Eden Hazard – 19 points. Goal of the week too.

Bargain of the week – Robert Snodgrass – 14 points. Back with immediate effect.

Donkey of the week – Jose Holebas – -2 points. A lot of managers won’t be happy with him – a form budget defender in a lot of teams. Picked up a ban too.

Goal of the week – Eden Hazard. His second goal from a slightly odd angle.