Courtesy of Crackle, it’s the first trailer for Priest, based on the graphic novel, directed by Legion‘s Scott Charles Stewart. Said Stewart, “HURRR, I have three first names.”

Paul Bettany plays the lead, a member of an ancient order of clergy who have dedicated their lives to keeping the world safe from vampires. That is, until the day he takes his shirt off and gets… sexcommunicated. After that, it’s all EPIC OPERA GASP CHOIRS and CRUCIFIX NINJA STARS — what else would you expect from a movie about a priest who fights vampires? It goes on like that for a while when– MOTHER OF GOD, WAS THAT CAM GIGANDET?!? (*cowers behind crucifix, throws laptop in holy water*)

Summary of trailer:
Stomp, clap. Stomp-stomp, clap.
Stomp, clap. Stomp-stomp, clap.
Stomp, clap. Stomp-stomp, clap.
Ahh-aa-aa-ahh
The eagle/priest’s born out of thunder
Ahh-aa-aa-ahh
He flies through the night
Ahh-aa-aa-ahh
Don’t you mess with his eggs now
Ahh-aa-aa-ahh
Or you’ll see him fight
Ahh-aa-aa-ahh
Yes, we have feathers and crosses
Ahh-aa-aa-ahh
But the muscles of men
Ahh-aa-aa-ahh
‘Cause we’re Priestly Birds of War, now
But we’re also men!
Priestly Birds of War!

09.09.10 at 3:18 pm

ChinoMoreno

Priests don’t kill vampires with wood in the heart, but wood in the ass.

09.09.10 at 3:18 pm

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ

I’m ready to receive the body of Christ.

09.09.10 at 3:18 pm

Mark It Zero

Oh no. Not getting suckered into this shit again. Hell, redbox issued me a refund and an apology when I returned Legion.

09.09.10 at 3:18 pm

Charlie Br0nze

Whoa, was thar Robocop at 1:26? With the wrong gun too.

09.09.10 at 3:19 pm

Fek'lhr

Man, there ain’t a damn thing in that trailer that was good from the comic. Are these people even reading the same fucking thing? (Hint: Priest comics were FUCKING HILARIOUS. There was so much dirty humor in them it was like watching a Louie CK routine. Fuck.)

09.09.10 at 3:20 pm

Charlie Br0nze

Shit, is it Talk Like a Pirate Day again?

09.09.10 at 3:23 pm

ChinoMoreno

Priests never use garlic when fighting vampires. It makes them unkissable :(

09.09.10 at 3:25 pm

ChinoMoreno

I thought priests liked things that sucked?

09.09.10 at 3:29 pm

Charlie Br0nze

Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, but mostly we’ll just bore you to death.

09.09.10 at 3:30 pm

ChinoMoreno

The vampires can defeat the priest simply by turning down his invite into the confessional.

09.09.10 at 3:33 pm

Crapbasket

He kills the old ones, molests the psychic newbourne ones.

09.09.10 at 3:35 pm

ChinoMoreno

The priest won’t go near Edward Cullen because he’s too gay.

09.09.10 at 3:37 pm

Mick

Why must this take place in a futuristic neverland where it’s always Ash Wednesday like some kind of Catholic “Groundhog’s Day?”

09.09.10 at 3:38 pm

Crapbasket

This priest uses the power of the father, sun, and holy ghost to kill vampires.

09.09.10 at 3:41 pm

Irishdrunk

Legion was abysmal so I don’t have high hopes. Also the forehead monster Giggidy Giggidy Gante is in it.

09.09.10 at 3:43 pm

Erswi

Preacher or GTFO!!!

09.09.10 at 3:44 pm

ChinoMoreno

This priest doesn’t use a rosary, he uses a pearl necklace.

09.09.10 at 3:49 pm

ChinoMoreno

Vampires won’t come near the priest because he’s always hanging out in the son.

09.09.10 at 4:07 pm

Patty Boots

This is an acceptable substitute for my beloved Ryan Reynolds.

09.09.10 at 4:09 pm

Stone Soup

This priest’s victims have one thing in common – they can never look at themselves in the mirror again.