Disclaimer: This post contains elements that might offend certain people (i.e: people with no sense of humor).

A couple of weeks ago, I was out doing my usual shopping for essentials when I came across some oddly named product at the detergent aisle.

Holy shit? I don’t get it. What are they thinking when they named this product? Did they randomly pulled some alphabets out of their asses and played scrabble to see who can misspell the best while creating an illusion that the name actually has some meaning or the very least pronounceable? I know the in-thing to do now is to spell product name slightly different or add a ‘z’ suffix like Hyundai Getz or Sony’s Bionz or Vaseline’s Azzlube. Obviously I made the last one up.

I mean does Klin here means Clean? If it does then what kinda half-ass spelling is that? Look, it’s not some high-tech expensive gizmo, it’s just a freaking detergent! Did they seriously put in any thought when naming it or they think consumers like you and me are gullible enough to fall for a product which has this so-called hip sounding name, probably to make up for the lack of quality on it’s part?

And Fresly doesn’t even sound like freshly when pronounced. Damn those morons.

The worse is kids might actually pick-up shitty spelling habits as a result of over exposure to these badly named products. Don’t be surprised when one day you ask your kids if their rooms are clean and fresh, they end up saying “no, it’s klin and fresly beeeech!”.

Some pictures which I think is a bit disturbing for the packaging:

Looks pretty innocent doesn’t it? I mean it’s just a picture of a half-cut apple, totally appropriate for the box’s content of apple juice. WRONG! What you didn’t know is that the picture serves to:

1) Stimulate major sensory nerves in the brain to create a slight wanton desire for decadence which results in:

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2) A successful marketing persuasion created by greedy mastermind to subconsciously plant hints of bodily gratification thus creating curiosity that literally grabs you by the dick.

So, out of curiosity(because you spend like 10 seconds to stare at the box which resulted in 1) happening) you ended up buying it. They could have used a picture of a full round apple, yet they insisted on using one that looks like erm for the lack of better words, a CB(those who do not know what CB means, please inquire from your nearest hokkien profanity spewing chao ah beng).

But I could be wrong, cause when every science student was bragging about how they studied human reproduction in-depth during SPM biology, I took computer and IT instead. So yeah, don’t ask me about chromosomes or zigots or how this or that looked like cause I know squat about them 😉

This is even worse:

Seeing this on a juice carton, a friend of mine remarked “eh, looks like that time of the month again huh?”. I know, he’s as sensitive as a prick.

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Ok, as for this one I found it when I googled CCB to see how many more hokkien profanities I can learn. I totally didn’t expect to find such appropriately named school. And the school’s real, I didn’t make that up. Just wondering, what do they study there?

But can’t blame them for the name la, since they are ang moh what.

Then a couple of days ago, I went to this newly opened cafe near the IT faculty dubbed the Tower Cafe due to its proximity to one of my uni’s best known landmark – the water tower. I found this disturbing poster with a slight hint towards debauchery:

The caricature is ok, just a kid holding holding a long, thick and big delicious looking ice-cream. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s the slogan underneath it that gave me a bad feeling. Often Licked Never Beaten? That phrase just sounded so wrong. Wrong for ice cream advertisement at least. Almost like there’s a double meaning to it

You know what? I think that phrase is more suited to a cactus. A cactus? Yeah, THIS cactus: