[January 16, 2014]Parents
are sometimes embarrassed by their children in public places because
the child becomes unruly or "acts out" in those public places like
grocery stores or malls. The child sees something that attracts him
and he wants it immediately; the parent intervenes and the child
reacts with tantrum behavior. In today's society one wonders who
actually runs the household: the parents or the children.

A child learns from an early age how to
gain interaction and attention. A newborn will cry or make other
noises to attract the attention of the parent, who responds with
something to mitigate the displeasure or discomfort the child is
experiencing. That cause-and-effect relationship pairing is learned
very early in life. Once learned, the child uses that information to
their advantage to control situations to continue receiving pleasure
by having things "their own way."

Modern childhood development theory suggests that children should be
given the freedom to "think for themselves" and move toward what is
"best" for them. To place too much control or guidance on a child,
some believe, is to "thwart" their growth and development. The
consequence of that ends with an emotionally disturbed child who
grows into an emotionally disturbed adult. Christian living
experiences tend to refute that theory and suggest that the parent
should take a strong role in the development and growth of their
child.

Solomon wrote in his Proverbs: "Train a child in the way that he
should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." —
Proverbs
22:6

This suggests that parents should start early to establish the
patterns of training in the right, moral path. It suggests that
parents should begin early and dedicate their child to the Lord and
establish a pattern of training that leads the child in the right
direction. To teach knowledge and morality is very important
beginning at an early age, but may be beneficial to begin at any
age.

Solomon maintained that there were only two ways of seeking
knowledge: the way of the wise or righteousness, or the way of
foolishness. In modern society the trend is toward that which is "good" or that which is
"bad." A better trend of teaching is toward
that which is "right" and not that which is "wrong." A parent who
sets his child on the "right" path early in life and keeps the child
on the "right" path will have a child who will likely remain
faithful to that teaching and learning.

To leave a child to find his own way is to abandon the
responsibility and hard work in training the child. Solomon declares: "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of
discipline will drive it far from him." —
Proverbs 22:15

Don't repel at the sound of the "rod" and think it means beating the
child into submission. This more likely represents using the open
hand on the posterior, in a way that provides direction to the child
in the way he should make right rather than wrong choices. It does
add a facet of meaning of punishment to teach the child to give up
foolish ways and develop the potential that is within him or her.
The idea is to bring about a correction from foolish behaviors that if
left unabated, will eventually lead to corruption and wrong practice
instead of acceptance of the appropriate behaviors. Redirection from
foolish behavior toward more appropriate behaviors, followed by
gentle pleasantness, is an excellent teaching method. It teaches the
child the skill of discriminating right from wrong and does so in a
safe environment.

Earlier in Proverbs Solomon noted: "Discipline your child, for there
is hope, but do not set your heart on causing his death." —
Proverbs 19:18

The time in a child's life when
guidance is the easiest is when he is young; there is still hope for
learning and change. Younger children have not yet established
patterns of behavior that must be "unlearned" prior to learning new,
more appropriate behaviors. When a parent decides to let the child "decide for himself" and do what he wants, the parent becomes an
advocate for the child to misbehave. When the child misbehaves
consistently and often, patterns are formed that are life-lasting.
Later in life those "childish" behaviors become adult behaviors that
are intolerable to those who work and live with that individual. In
the end, as an adult, this intolerable behavior pattern is almost
like experiencing death.

Discipline is not a bad thing. To some, discipline means to teach or
the process of learning. Jesus had disciples whom He taught, guided
and sometimes chastened. To others, perhaps wrongly, discipline
always means a form of violent, corporal punishment. Evidence has
demonstrated that is ineffective. It teaches the child what not to
do but fails to provide direction toward the appropriate thing to
do. Corporal punishment is more likely a reinforcement for the
adult, with little effect upon the child.

The fact is that the youngest children do not know how to make
decisions that are morally correct. They do not have sufficient
knowledge or experience to have insight into their actions and the
final outcomes those actions produce. Children operate on emotion
and pleasure. They seek what is best in their own mind and pay no or
little attention to how their actions affect others. They are
impulsive and want the pleasure of having their own way immediately.
They quickly learn to manipulate situations by starting to cry or
engaging in a tantrum or other misbehavior. The parent should not
let the crying avert the discipline; it only teaches the child to
increase efforts to engage in behaviors to avoid discipline. The
likely consequence of that pattern of behavior is that the child
becomes more unruly and matures into an unruly adult.

Finally, Solomon wrote: "The one who robs his father and chases away
his mother is a son who brings shame and disgrace. If you stop
listening to instruction, my child, you will stray from the words of
knowledge." —
Proverbs 19:26-27

A child who consistently refrains from listening and heeding the
instruction of wisdom and righteousness will eventually become a
"robber" by taking authority, reputation and family dignity from
both parents. Of course the ideal is for the child to never stop
listening to instruction and words of knowledge, but if he does, the
likely result will be to stray from those words and suffer the
consequences of that error.

In the Christian living experience, the education of the children
begins with the parents, continues with the parents and ends
with the parents. The so-called mandated, public education is only
supplemental to parental guidance to learning life.