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Trust

June 28, 2016

Trust is a strong word and they say you can’t use it for just anybody. But can you for anyone you come across in your lives who isn’t directly related to you? (A.K.A parents and siblings). I sat down one evening with a lot on my mind and a lot to say about this subject. I found it a little more comforting to just put it into words and be done with it. But what I discovered on questioning myself are some really important things and I shouldn’t just be chucking them away. I won’t be forgetting these easily because I think these can make or break what I think about anyone I meet in my life from here on. It has been an enlightening moment for me and trust me, I don’t have a lot of those. There are three main questions I asked myself and here’s what I eventually came to understand.

How much is too much? I think there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed when it comes to trusting someone. I have known to cross it many times and so have thousands of people. 90% of the time they’ve regretted it and so have I. Trusting someone too much only means you’re opening up a gateway for them to let you down, hurt you and not feel a thing about it because they didn’t put the same amount of trust in you. Talking about hobbies, interests, movies, doing fun things, sharing moments in your life are what friends are for. Sure, sometimes we love the feeling of opening up to a certain close person but don’t let it disillusion you into thinking that you can absolutely say anything that’s on your mind with everyone. As an adult, you don’t have that liberty anymore and it can come with consequences.Should I expect anything from others? I think No. Sure I can understand that we all had expectations when we were children and as a child, everyone cares for us and make sure we aren’t let down. That’s not the case when you’re older and out there in the world and meeting a lot of people. Expecting anything from them is not right. Even if someone becomes your friend, it doesn’t make it their sole duty to live up to your definition of a “friend”. They will have their own and live up to it. Everyone has one and it’s quite rare to find someone who shares the exact one(Enter the best friend/ bf/gf/spouse). It is only right that you're happy to have them in your life & give you some good memories than be sad because they didn’t do something for you while being your friend.

Should I put myself before everyone else? Yes! A thousand times over. This one has taken me some time to come up with.I was the kind of person who thought too much about others and their opinions before doing just about anything and thought I was being a great friend. I've realized that I wasn't doing them a favour at all but only missing out on opportunities. I'm probably still a little bit of that and I do care about people but I try not to care "too much" to the point that it is more harmful than valuable. How can you think for others when you haven’t learnt to think and care for yourself? In your 20s, your number one priority is to learn to sustain yourself and without being emotionally dependent on others. It doesn’t make you a bad person at all. It’s not always easy to see the good in others, but you need to start with seeing the good in "you" and trust your decisions.

40 comments

I agree. You should always prioritize yourself before others for many reasons. One is, you will get hurt less. I don't trust that much anymore since the incident I had 3 years ago. I've learned so much after awhile. There is "too much" in trusting, I can say that. Trust only those who trust you as much.

I've been trying really hard with putting myself first recently. I used to be just like you - thinking too much about others and how I could please them, but I've been making a conscious effort to put myself first a little bit more!Amy xxwww.callmeamy.co.uk

You've listed some very good points, in particular remembering to consider yourself! It's easy to fall into a routine of putting others before yourself, but it never usually ends well. Great, thought-provoking post, have a lovely week!

I consider myself pretty emotionally independent and sure of myself, or at least aware of myself, so I've never felt too vulnerable when it came to trust. I agree that it's so important to take care of yourself! -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey's

Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts! Being over 40, I have learned a lot about trust. I agree with most of what you are saying. Putting yourself before others is delicate because you need to care about yourself but sometimes giving yourself up others bring you closer to the people you love. (And yes, sometime you will get hurt in the process.) My biggest priority right now is to give myself up to the Lord. Not always easy.

Thank you so much Katherine for this lovely comment! Your advice is really so important. I agree about giving yourself up for people you love but I think at the same time, it's important to figure out who those people are that you can really count on and keep them close x