Monday, March 14, 2011

Reeling It In

So I came around the corner Sunday morning and saw Miss H standing there with her hand in my purse. I began to giggle and said "Uh Oh! Caught red handed!" She began to tell me how she was getting her money out of there. The money Lolly (my mom) took from her room and put into my purse. When? While I was at work....but little darling, apple of my eye, my purse was WITH me while I was at work. "But I need that money to buy YOU something, mommy." I had to giggle again and say ohhh you are quick this morning. The tears were flowing and her voice was getting louder. I got down on her level and looked in those big blue babies, Honey, you are having some big feelings from being caught doing something you weren't supposed to. Here's a book, lay on your bed and calm down. We can talk about it later. And you know what? SHE DID! No banging her head on the wall, no screaming, no beating on the door, or faking being hurt. She laid there and read and knocked about 15 min later. Got a big hug and an apology. I know she is working hard but I also believe the medication has enabled her to be in a place she CAN work on it.

M has been spending A LOT of time in his room over the last 3 weeks. I was trying a little in and a little out with him yesterday. Baby steps... I had forgotten how much he instigates. The kids were fighting more, he was picking on the girls, parenting them, all things that are normal for him but his absence has made them so obvious to me now. The constant controlling becomes so "normal" to me that I had really not been focused on it. We chatted. Ok, I chatted. The lack of eye contact unless he is doing the talking. The fact that the girls and I work together, do what needs to be done for the most part. He lives in a bubble that is all about him. He won't touch something if it isn't his. Clear the table to him means only clear your things. There is no appreciation for anything and most of the time, he gets mad if someone helps him out. He will ask, does this mean I have to do something nice for them now?? through clenched teeth.... It's little things in comparison to where we have been but such major parts of being a good employee, husband, dad, etc. They are common social skills and he comes across rude and disrespectful. And he doesn't want to hear it....

4 comments:

Oh, my. I wish we had had more time to talk in Orlando. Your M sounds so very much like my 12 year old son. We have also had LOTS of improvement over the past 9 months... and I try to be grateful for that... but we are still so very far away from "OK"

I second everything Sarah said! Except my son is 11 years old. So happy for you with how things went with Miss H!! I really fought against the medication for one of our sons for a while but have found the same thing... the medication helps him be in a place where he can work on things.

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Awesome Place to Stay

Former active duty USAF, current professional, used to move around, welcomed the change of location. Loves travel, Pink Floyd, and all mediums of art. In 2004, became a mom for the first time to 2 amazing children that are biologically my cousin's. They've had it rough and have recently been diagnosed with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). Became a mom again, in 2006, this time made in my womb. They are my world. My "labels" are Single Mom Syndrome, Consistantly Unorganized, and Trying-To-Get-A-Handle-On-All-This

M

My oldest, 13, is so smart and has a great sense of humor. He has come such a long way in the past few months! The hugs are genuine, there is empathy, and he is able to recognize the bad days and some of the behaviors. He also hoards food, steals, parents his sisters, and always, always has to be in control. His "labels" are RAD, PTSD and Depression.

H

She is 10 and loves all things crafty. She is very creative and is the girliest tomboy I know. Her healing appears to be happening a bit slower than her brother's. She is always sick, running away, hurting herself for attention, and causing situations where she can swoop in and save the day. She loves boys and men, and about 90% of anything coming from her mouth comes from her imagination. Her "labels" are RAD, PTSD and Anxiety.

AE

She is 4. She is funny, smart, and has amazing little curls. She throws tantrums, thinks it's fun when H lets her smack her, likes to mimick me parenting her siblings, and hasn't figured out Mama really means no. Her "labels" are Being 4 and Being the Baby of the Family.