Ah shit. Just when you thought you could confide your innermost thoughts and feelings to your beloved pet pooch, it turns out they're more attuned to human language than we previously understood. This has been discovered thanks to... science. Brain hemispheres, rewards centres, MRI scanners, that sort of thing. If they know what we're saying, can shake our hands, play dead, drive cars, we should watch our backs; dogs are ascending the food chain...

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