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We Need to Talk About The Walking Dead

Two weeks ago, the Internet was set ablaze by The Walking Dead. By now, you should have heard that a main character is in harm’s way. Spoilers be damned, I want to talk about it—you’ve been warned.

Be serious: Glenn is not dead. No way, no how.

Near the end of Episode 3, Nicholas said “Thank You” to our favorite pizza delivery boy before shooting himself in the head. Although Nicholas’ body went limp, his momentum took Glenn down with him, but he clearly landed on top of Glenn. When the walkers were ripping out intestines, those were the hot dog innards of Nicholas—not Glenn. Your guts do not come out of your chest. And as many have pointed out, there’s a noticeable gap underneath the dumpster where Glenn’s slender body could slide under. It’s reasonable to think those blood and guts camouflage Glenn to let him hang out under that dumpster until the cavalry arrives. Nicholas’ final act would be the only worthwhile accomplishment in his arc.

Removing Steve Yeun’s name from the credits is simply The Walking Dead trying to fuck with fans. Be careful, fans will grow irate the more they are screwed with—you should aim to jerk off your fans, not jerk them around. But I think this is a rouse. Something is building and this is just the start.

So let’s make a bold prediction.

The Walking Dead will continue fucking with the fans in a failed attempt to build tension. Stop trying to sell me on Glenn being dead. Even on the show itself, everyone gave up on him way too quick. After a few more episodes hiding Glenn’s fate, someone will come upon Glenn as the show reveals he’s still alive. Maybe it’ll be Darryl. Or Sasha and Abraham. More likely, this will serve as the introduction of Jesus.

That’s right, Jesus saves Glenn. Not that Jesus, the real one—who is actually named Paul Monroe.

Before the end of the half-season, the whole crew reunites back at home base at Alexandria. If I’m judging the pace of storytelling correctly, the Wolves mount another pack attack on the settlement—probably tearing down part of the walls in the process while walkers pour into the formerly peaceful town. When the entire 16-episode run is over, I think we’ll be able to call this season a homerun.

If The Walking Dead wants to truly swing for the fences, then the most villainous villain comes into the picture during the final episode. Enter: Negan. It is coming and Glenn’s story was the start.

You don’t need to read The Walking Dead comics to know who Negan is and how he’s tied to Glenn’s fate. In that source material, Negan plays a fatal game of eenie-meenie-miney-moe that brings about the end for Glenn in a brutal fashion. I think you’ll see that scene this season on The Walking Dead, but the final result won’t be quite the same. Although I think the game ends on Glenn, Negan will pull a switcheroo.

That’s right, it will be a double-whammy of pregnant Maggie and unborn baby fetus Hershel.

What better way to keep fans on their toes? The only way for comic book fans to anticipate every twist and turn is if you shake things up and depart from the source material in spectacular fashion. Glenn’s fate hanging in the balance is the beginning. Most fans don’t think he’s dead because they’re awaiting that bloody demise when Negan arrives. I don’t think The Walking Dead is taunting fans with Glenn’s possible death only to kill him at the end of the season. It wouldn’t be the first time The Walking Dead failed at storytelling, but I’d like to believe that there’s a little evil genius behind this dull development.

Babies have no place in the zombie apocalypse. With Judith already crawling around, it seems unlikely The Walking Dead will introduce another crying baby. Plus, Lauren Cohan (who plays Maggie) has started to branch out into bigger roles—including the lead in an upcoming horror movie. Steve Yeun is a huge boost for The Walking Dead in the Asian market, and it makes sense to keep Glenn around and trying to cope in the aftermath of such an awful event. Just when Glenn gets back to his dear Maggie…BOOM!

Like Babe Ruth, I’m calling my shot. Now can we just cast Henry Rollins as Negan already?