I didn’t want to be a burden on our minimoon.

I tend to fall in a heap after a big, exciting event. As a child, I’d have my birthday or go on an excursion to the zoo and then spend a week in bed because my skin was so sore.

So it was inevitable that I’d be sick after our wedding. I was sore prior to my wedding, actually – on the day of my wedding I had a salt and oil shower and requested a chair for the ceremony as I didn’t feel up to standing for a prolonged period. Adam had a chair too – so we were well balanced on stage.

I could feel a cold coming on the Friday before the wedding, so I dosed myself up with vitamin C, brandy, lemon and honey and pho. Miraculously it held off on the big day, but resurged with force the day after. And then my skin worsened.

I described the skin pain level as 90 late last week. Hospital stage. I went to an event on Thursday night, and while it was fun, the hugs were painful. Friday was spent in bed, with Adam making me breakfast and letting me sleep. I was determined to go on our minimoon – a weekend away to country Victoria, and we did.

I packed lounging pyjamas, a blankie for the car, painkillers, antibiotics, salt and oil for the bath, and the optimism that the weekend would be restful, not racing.

And it was. We had brunches and dinners out, short wanders through shops and the highlight – seeing the penguin parade. We gazed at each other, amazed that we’re now married. He looked after me well. In sickness and in health, right?!

I booked beautiful, homely and luxurious accommodation – perfect for resting. I spent much of the weekend in bed or in the spa bath. We watched TV and aTe cheese and enjoyed a tipple. I read a book. I left feeling feeling well rested, but still a little sore.

I was upset that this trip away wasn’t full of romance and site seeing and had a bit of a cry. I hated the thought that Adam might have gone from a husband to a carer in a week. While I’m very self sufficient, my pain meant there was a limit to what I could do. I encouraged Adam to see the sites without me. I didn’t want to be a burden.

I had read how many carers and parents felt their Easter weekend was spoilt because of their disabled relatives’ needs. Even when these comments aren’t directly about us, they hurt. Because they perpetuate the idea that disabled people are burdens and embarrassing and restrict the lives of those who care for them. I didn’t want to contribute to the “unfair” easter toll of a dependent with a disability letting their needs get in the way of the family’s good time.

My beautiful husband didn’t take to the Internet to complain that my pain ruined his weekend, but actually wrote a loving Facebook message about how amazing our accommodation was, that I am sore but it’s nice to spend time with me doing nothing. It was so uplifting and reassured me he had a good time and I’m not a burden.

“Carly Findlay and I are on our minimoon in Phillip Island, Carly has booked an amazing hotel with an amazing view. She has been quite sore this weekend, she is sad that she hasn’t made it as fun as she would have liked, but just soending time away with her in this lovely hotel is lovely.

I do hope she feels better soon, but for now she just need some rest before we head out to see the penguins tonight.

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Comments

I'm sorry you were sore Carly. A beautiful post though that is a beautiful tribute to your relationship. Rest and penguins sounds like the perfect mini moon to me. And that Adam – definitely a keeper 😀

Beautiful Carly, you have a good man there. I'm sorry that you were too sore to enjoy your minimoon. Some of the worst holidays/honeymoons can become the best memories later in life so don't think that you were a burden. I've heard too many horror stories of food poisoning, uti's and gastro – which is completely different to the health challenges you face each day, but still put the other partner in a position of caring for their sick spouse. Who says you can't have another mimimoon? That's what anniversaries are for. Sleeping and spending time together sounds lovely and what a minimoon/honeymoon should be about. You can always go back another time to sightsee. You have your whole married life ahead of you. 🙂 In the meantime I hope you feel better after the rest. You looked beautiful on your wedding day and so happy. I wish you and Adam many years of happiness, companionship and love.

He's a keeper!! My fiftieth birthday was the year my RA exploded into severity after being comparatively mild for years… My partner, who is a great one for creating events and memories for special occasions was a bit stymied as, in the end, my birthday fell just weeks after I was discharged from hospital, was in ridiculous amounts of pain, and struggling to walk any real distance. He'd hoped to have a big trip to Broken Hill (we LOVE trains) and to go out to see the desert art and other things in the area – a bucket list activity we'd often talked about. That was obviously OFF the cards. So, without telling me a single thing, he packed me into the car with cushions and rugs (and a BIG bag of drugs and wheat bags!) and off we went. He'd booked us for 5 days into the cutest accommodation at Jervis Bay – renovated fishermen's cottages that were like dolls houses – but with a spa, which he filled for me every morning…and got me in and out. The mornings were my best time, post spa, so we did our short sight seeing excursions there, winding up at interesting eateries where I could sit comfortably, and then he'd get me back for a rest in the afternoon and take himself for a swim. We found a ducky little cinema one day, and any number of quirky shops and places to just sit and enjoy being away from normal work pressures. Then, when I thought we were heading home, we drove back up the coast and then landed in a B&B at Kanagaroo Valley that was built of a little old church – in the furnishings was the most glorious chaise lounge where I could flake in the afternoons, and again, small manageable excursions in the mornings and good food.We STILL talk about that week. It wasn't the grand adventure that he'd initially planned before the bloody RA derailed everything. BUT, as Adam said about your minimoon, it was time away that we spent together and that, in itself, was precious. There will be other times when you can get away and do more – we managed a holiday over that next Christmas and New Year, and armed with an infusion of prednisone (courtesy of my rheumatologist who knew we were going away and wanted me to have the best possible time) I even managed an hour horse ride – which was WONDERFUL. So, swings and roundabouts. Some times will be better than others, but the important thing is that regardless of you you are, or I am, we get to spend that time OFF with good men who value us for ourselves – not what we can and can't do at any point in time.

I was married two years ago yesterday, and still to this day feel that I ruined our honeymoon.

My husband had booked beautiful accommodation in Hawaii (Turtle Bay Resort, because I am a MASSIVE Jason Segel and Forgetting Sarah Marshall fan), and as soon as we got to Hawaii, I crashed. Suffering from anxiety and depression, I had taken multiple steps to ensure that I got through our wedding and leadup events, but hadn't thought about self care during the honeymoon. I could barely bring myself to get out of bed to go to breakfast, let alone go to the beach or explore. And being romantic? Just cuddling ended in tears.

My husband was beautiful about it all, and continues to really support me. One day I plan to redo our honeymoon, to really say thankyou.

Your husband certainly sounds like he is cut from the right cloth – someone to really share with all the highs and lows of building lives together.

Congratulations on your wedding – it certainly looked filled with love, happiness and laughter. The Horses By Daryl Braithwaite is a must have at all weddings complete with choreography. Xx

It has been so lovely reading the posts about your wedding. Congratulations to you both. It sounds to me like you two know what is important – being together!! That will always help to get you through, Adam is a keeper! Thanks for sharing.

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