Cops: Man Attacked His Stepdaughter Using McDonald’s French Fries As The Weapon

Throwing things is not nice and you shouldn’t do it, no matter what it is you’re throwing. In this case, a man is facing a felony assault with a dangerous weapon charge for hurling hot McDonald’s french fries at his stepdaughter during an argument.

The Smoking Gun says the Massachusetts man and his wife were fighting about money after her 11-year-old daughter picked up food at the drive-thru of a McDonald’s. According to cops, as the two argued, the girl “began to interject into the argument in an attempt to get the two to stop fighting.”

That upset the man, apparently, who then “picked up the container of French fries he had just purchased, which were hot and oily, and threw it at [the girl], striking her in the face and chest area.”

She wasn’t hurt, but cops noted that “the heat of the oil could cause burning to skin and eyes.”

The man was arrested after his wife called the police to report the incident, and was told while being cuffed that “he was being charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon to wit french fry.”

He’s free on bail and appeared in court to plead not guilty to the assault and battery count, and was ordered not to have contact with his stepdaughter.

Next time, order it with no salt. Then they have to fry up a new batch of them.

Personally though, seems every time I find myself in a MickeyD’s (which is not very often, I may add) and order something, I’m always waiting for the fries. Seems they just don’t keep frying them in big batches anymore. Which is a good thing–means the fries are in fact actually hot! Mickey D’s fries are better than any fast food chains’–with the exception on New York Fries, but alas their locations are few and far between, unless you live in mall food courts.)

You are hereby charged: one, that you did, on or about 11/26, conspire to publicize a London borough in the course of a BBC saga; two, that you were willfully and persistently a foreigner; three, that you conspired to do things not normally considered illegal; four, that you were caught in possession of an offensive weapon, viz, the big brown table down at the police station.

The Smoking Gun says the Massachusetts man and his wife were fighting about money after her 11-year-old daughter picked up food at the drive-thru of a McDonald’s.

Honestly, I’m trying to be sympathetic to this guy, but wasting food when you’re arguing about money kind of undermines your position. Were I in his position, I would probably pick up the fries and eat them all as fast as I could to make my point: that I’m cranky when I’m hungry.

The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Tuesday, February 12. It was cold in Los Angeles. We were working the day watch. My partner’s Ben Romero. My name’s Friday.

9:35 We received a call complaining about an establishment handing out dangerous weapons on the cheap to all comers; even selling to minors. We went to investigate.

“All we want are the facts, ma’am”

“You have to understand, I’m only telling you this as a concerned citizen. But I find it upsetting any business would sell dangerous items to children!”

“And what would that be, ma’am?”

“French fries.”

“French fries?”

“Hot and oily french fries!”

“Thank you ma’ma. We’ll get right on it.”

10:32 We drove to the fast-food joint to investigate. We were appalled at what we found. The place was hopping with customers, all purchasing potentially dangerous weapons.

“Call for backup, Ben”

“You got it, Joe.”

10:55 We had the joint surrounded by uniform police, and shut the place down. Another day defending the public in Los Angeles.

The owner, John Stanton, was tried in Department 187 of the Superior Court of the State of California, in and for the City and County of Los Angeles, and remanded to the State Penitentiary, San Quentin California.

I always liked when the 2 shows overlapped. Like when they thought the younger Adam 12 guy (can’t remember his name) was guilty of armed robbery. Or when the Adam 12 guys would show up on Emergency 51.

I don’t know what it is but I can’t handle eating their fries any more. If I do my guts knot up into a ball 2-3 hours later. I blame whatever chemicals they use to coat them. So in my book, just feeding a child McDonalds’ fries is an attack.

That’s one thing about Massachusetts laws/cops that bugs the heck out of me. Literally literally ANY THING qualifies as “a dangerous weapon”. One time I saw a police blotter entry for someone arrested for “assault with a dangerous weapon – a shod foot.” Really?

I should be surprised at the notion that a french fry is a dangerous weapon, but I’m sadly not.

In California a deadly weapon is defined as any object, instrument, or weapon that is capable of producing and likely to produce death or great bodily injury. Although a deadly weapon is broadly defined, it would seem that the french fries, as used in this case, could hardly be considered to fall within the definition

If french fries are considered a dangerous weapon, then there is, literally, no object (even Nerf) that is considered a non-dangerous weapon. Because I can’t think of anything less likely to cause injury than a french fry.