Friday, August 24, 2007

Crackheads Amy Winehouse and husband Blake were involved in little lover's spat in a hotel yesterday.

It went like this:

Around 11PM Amy met a girl outside her hotel. The girl delivered a package to Amy. (My guess to the package's contents: scones and scrapbooking supplies)

A few hours after Amy returned to her hotel room guests heard and complained of screaming and clattering furniture (In Amy's defense, scrapbooking can get a little wild sometimes)

The concierge was called and Amy asked for medical assistance in bandaging up cuts on her arm.

2:30AM - More fighting. Amy crying, bleeding, and running down the stairs, an equally bloody Blake running after her.

3:00AM - Amy ran into the street and flagged down a car asking the people in it to help her. They agreed and drove her to buy cigarettes. (been there, nic fits are the worst)

By 4:00AM the couple spoke and made up. (All a silly misunderstanding over who was going to cook dinner I'm sure.)

Then Amy texted Perez Hilton to set the story straight:"Blake is the best man in the world. We would never ever harm each other... I was cutting myself after he found me in our room about to do drugs with a call girl and rightly said I wasn't good enough for him. I lost it and he saved my life."

In other troubled spoiled bitch news, Lindsay Lohan has plead no contest to two counts of DUI. By doing this, she will not have to stand trial. Originally she was to serve a minimum of four days in jail. But that was soon changed when she was then given community service for two of the days. New count: 2 days in jail. But wait, there's more! The judge gave Lindsay one day credit for time served when she was arrested. New count: 1 day in jail. After her hard time, Lindsay have 36 months probation and attend an alcohol education program for 18 months. She also needs to show that she has successfully completed a rehab program by January 18 and was told not to use or associate with people with controlled substances. (insert laughter here)

WTF??!!! I just don't get it. Isn't what Nicole and Lindsay did worse than what Paris did? It's like they got their quota of spoiled celebrity time with Paris and now everyone else gets a free pass. It's ok Paris, you got a book and street cred.

Back to Lindsay. She (yeah right) released the following statement to TMZ today declaring her inadequacy:

"It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs.Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have.

I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so."

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

In bizarre news of the day, Bill Murray was arrested in Sweden on Sunday on suspicion of drunk driving. His vehicle? A golf cart.

Murray, while attending a golf tournament, was stopped by police (presumably on foot) early Sunday and he was arrested after he refused to take a breathalyzer test (citing American legislation) after the officer smelled alcohol on his breath. A blood test was performed and the results will take 14 days to come in (presumably because the results are transported via golf cart). He then signed a document admitting driving under the influence and permitted a police officer to enter a guilty plea on his behalf if the case goes to court. He will be charged only if his blood alcohol level is determined to be higher than the legal limit. If it is "excessively high, he may even face a prison sentence.

The officer also isn't sure who owns the golf cart. In addition, authorities are also investigating the circumstances surrounding a prank in which what was later determined to be a Snickers bar was discovered in a nearby swimming pool.

It was reported in Britain's Daily Star newspaper that Pete Doherty's cat was recently rushed to the vet after eating cocaine. Police are now said to be investigating the matter.

In a statement, a spokesperson for the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Protection of Animals) said, "It is a police matter, so we cannot deny or confirm the identity of the man who had his kitten removed. But it is very important to protect animals from substances that can do them serious harm."

In other Britney news, PAGE SIX reports today that Britney Spears shocked her ex Justin Timberfuck and producer Timbaland by backing out of recording the much-anticipated (and last chance at a comeback) duet with Justin at the last minute. Maybe she has issues with people with Timber in their names?

An insider said, "Timbaland set aside a week out of his crazy schedule to do this - and then, just before she was supposed to fly out, Britney abruptly canceled the session and refused to do the song. It's crazy. She's looking for a comeback, and this would have not only been a huge hit, but something she could have opened the MTV Video Awards with and really blown everyone away."

Another source added, "Listen, everyone is worried. In her mind, her album is done and she's done enough work . . . She's an easy target right now, because she's . . . sick. People like her are sick. It's like an anorexic who's sick in the head and needs help. She needs help. It's sad because what she's got - and we've heard it's like bipolar disorder - can easily be treated with medication, but she won't do it."

Insiders are concerned that without this song, her opening act at the VMA's will suck more than Michael Jackson's "Lifetime Achievement Award" acceptance, Paula Abdul's Vibeology number, and Guns N' Roses' comeback performance. Combined.

In related news, Britney's discarded wig has expressed interest in recording the duet with Timberfuck.Some of the extensions have also offered to sing back-up.