Let me start off by apologizing
to
all of the readers of My Adam. I had not yet realized all the grammar errors
the first two chapters contained. I am deeply sorry for all these, but I
hope
that you all can find in your hearts to bear with a bit longer and continue
following the story. Great things are still to come to, Adam and Vinny, some
good and some bad, but definitely great. I got emails from a few people who
thought that the second chapter was a little too `dirty'. I have to say,
I'll
try my best in doing what I can to write something that most people will
like
but there isn't much that I can do being that My Adam is a real story -- some
of
it anyways -- with real characters and real events. So because of that
romance
and lust will walk together throughout the entire story, just like
in
real life. If anyone has anything to say -- good or bad -- about what they
think
of what's going on and the direction that the story is taking please email
me,
I would definitely respond. Once again, I am sorry for the all the errors.
All
I can do is promise that I'll work harder to prevent them from happening
which
will mean that from now on the story development will be a bit slower, and
thank you all for reading it.

I was
having a weird dream; it was sunny and warm day, I was in the middle of a
wheat
field. It looked a lot like the farm that Aunt Susie has in Mississippi, in
which I used to spend my entire summer vacation, playing with my cousins
when
we were little. I was walking around the field searching for something, but
whatever or whoever I was looking for, I couldn't find it. The more I
looked,
more preoccupied I became. I had a bad feeling, something wasn't right,
something didn't feel right. I kept walking and looking until I saw someone
far
away. The feeling in my chest didn't ease, I started to walk towards the
stranger. As soon as I moved towards the stranger, the sky started turning
dark. Rain clouds were closing in fast, there were thunders, and what was
once
a nice little summer breeze was now turning icy cold as the wind started
picking
up speed. I kept walking towards the stranger, and to each step I took, the
feeling in my chest grew. It was hard to explain it, emptiness, and sorrow.
I
had tears welling up in my eyes. I was still walking but the distance
between
us stayed the same, I was walking and walking...

Then
suddenly I heard a melody. It was fainted but I could still hear it. As the
seconds passed, I could hear it clearer. I knew the song but for some reason
I
couldn't think of the lyrics right away, nor even identify the song. It was
nice, sweet and slow, it was obviously a love song. I finally opened my
eyes.
It was bright in room. The curtains were half open. It sunny outside, I
could
see it through the window. I could hear the song now clearly. It was Rainbow
from Mariah Carey. It wasn't a very popular song. In fact the song itself
was
pretty short, probably a minute and a few seconds long. I looked to where
Adam
was lying on last time I didn't him. He wasn't there. I sat up on my bed and
saw him. He was sitting by my keyboard and playing on it. He played the same
song continuously. He wasn't singing, only playing. He had on my underwear
and
a t-shirt. Because the song was short, he was playing it over and over
again.

"I didn't know you played." I
said

"You're not the only one with
artistic tendencies." He answered with a smile on his face that I knew so
well.

He suddenly stopped playing. He
didn't move, he put his hands on his lap, and just stared at the keys.

"Please don't stop." I begged
him

He
didn't
say anything, nor did he go back playing. He just stared at the
keyboard.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"My nana taught me how to
play."

I fell quiet again while Adam continued talking,
looking down at the keyboard.

"Her mother taught her when she
was
little. And when she had my mom she taught her, but my mom didn't have much
interest in it. Nana was very disappointed when she realized that my mom
much
rather play with her dolls than play the piano. When I was growing up my
nana
used to live here, in Boston, with us, so she used to have me sit right next
to
her, then she would position my fingers and make me play something,
anything."

"I was probably 5 years old when she started
teaching me. She used to say that the piano was our family's heritage. That
her
family always used to gather around the piano after dinners and in holidays.
So
I needed to learn so whenever I had my own family and my kids I could pass
on
the tradition. The first song I remember playing was Amazing Grace."

"I love that song." I said
excitedly with the idea that someone else shared my geeky liking of
such.

"Me too. Growing up, my taste in
music changed a bit but whenener I was around her, I'd always try playing
the
songs that I knew she liked. I knew it made her happy so I did it."

After
that
confession, Adam once again sat in silence. I got up and tightened the
sheets
around my waist, I walked to him and hugged him from behind. I had totally
forgot about his grandmother's death. I had no idea how close they were. I
knew
how tough it was to lose someone that you loved. My aunt Maria -- my father's
oldest sister -- had died last year from leukemia, it was a long and painful
fight that she had finally lost after months in the hospital. I knew Adam
wouldn't want to talk about it, and I also knew that there was nothing I
could
say to make him feel any better so I just hugged him. We stayed like that
for
awhile; him sitting down in front of the keyboard, and I, holding him,
hugging
him from behind. He, then, got up and smiled.

"I am gonna go make some us some
coffee." He said looking at me with a fresh new beam in his face that I knew
that he was forcing but I opted to not say anything.

"I don't drink coffee, but I always have some, in
case some poor coffee addicted soul stops by." I made one of my so common
sarcastic comments.

"Aren't you the sassy one?" He
said
that walking out the room.

"I do what I can" I simply
responded.

I initially searched for my
clothes
and then decided that I needed not to worry about them because I should
really
just take a shower, especially after last night `workout'. I made my bed and
headed to the bathroom. I loved taking a shower first thing in the morning,
in
fact, that was one of my `I-can't-even-explain-the reason-why' habits, which
was passed on to me by my clean freak mother. The water was warm enough to
relax and awaken my muscles. As I always do, I didn't really move in my
first
five minutes in the shower, I didn't soap myself nor did I make any effort
to
get completely wet. I was simply enjoying the feeling of the powerful hard
jet
of water hitting my skin, it was a ritual that I performed every morning, so
sacred and important that I never missed it for anything in the world. My
head
was miles away when I noticed that I was humming and singing the same song
the
Adam was playing a minute ago in the bedroom. He had reminded me of how much
I
loved that song.

... I know... there is a
rainbow...

...for me to follow... to get me
off my sorrows...

...Find out... proceed to
sunlight...

...so I'll be alright...

....if I can find that rainbow's
end...

... I will be alright if I can
find
that rainbow's end.

"I didn't know you had such a
beautiful voice." Adam said from inside the bathroom.

"Are you frigging trying to kill
me?" I said gasping for air.

"Sorry." He said sheepishly.

"You scared the shit out of me."
Still hold on to the tile wall in the bathroom.

"I am sorry." He repeated

"I know, I know." I said feeling
better and pausing a bit.

"What are you doing here
anyways?
Go away I'm taking a shower I don't want you to see me" I said.

"I didn't think you would care
after last night." He said

"Last night was different" I
tried
to argue my admitting only to myself that he had a point.

"How so?" He asked while pulling
that curtain and looking at me.

"Stop!!! GO AWAY!" I said
throwing
water at him

"Okay, okay. I'll wait for you
at
the table." He said heading to the kitchen.

"Adam?!" I called right after
him.

"Yes?" He stopped on his
tracks.

"Do you..." I was trying but I
just
could finish it

"Do I what?" He asked

"Never mind" I lost my courage

"Okay" He said starting to walk
out
again

"No wait" I popped my head out
the
other side of the shower curtain calling out for him again

"What is it? You know you can
tell
me." He said firmly but still so softly looking at me right in the eyes,
assuring me of his sincerity and giving me enough strength to finally ask
him

"Do you want to, you know, want
to
shower with me?" I said looking at him with the shower curtain
sort of covering myself.

"Are you saying that I need to
shower?" He said jokingly

"No silly. Only that I'd like...
if
you joined me."

"You do know, I'm gonna see you
naked if I go in there."

"I'll be fine if you don't stare
at
me."

"Okay, I can try but I can't
promise anything."

"Oh Lord, just get in."

Adam stepped into the shower and
started looking at me from head to toes, I opened my mouth to complain but
he
just raised his hands up in the air as if surrendering and looked up to the
ceiling. I gave him the soap and I started shampooing my hair. He turned
around
giving his back to me. I only looked at first, but then the sight of him was
already doing something to me. I reached out my hand and started washing his
back. He didn't complain so I just continued. Real softly, from side to side
at
first, and then down his lats. My hands would go from neck to the lower
back,
so delicately, as if he were a baby, my baby. Then I went a little lower and
I
had my hands on his ass. I still remembered from last night the softness of
it,
but with the water and the soap, his skin was just so smooth and soft that I
involuntarily began to develop an erection. I stepped a bit closer to him,
not
enough to touch his skin yet but definite closer. I started soaping his
neck,
moved on to the shoulders and then his arms. Even with the water running, I
could still hear him moaning real softly, almost like a whisper. He was
right
in front of the water, so he put his hands up against the wall and lowered
his
head letting the water him on the shoulders. That also made his butt back up
a
bit too, so my dick touched it. I knew he could feel my forming erection, I
knew that he knew what that meant, but no one said anything. I hugged him
and
started kissing his back. Oh, his body was so hot, literally. He's skin was
warm and the muscles of body contracted every time I touched. Now in the
shower, and with my hands I got to know his body better. There was hair in
his
chest and the stomach. His back and butt were complete smooth and then from
mid
thigh the hair came back all the way down to the ankles. I started
descending
my kisses and got down on my knees. And then, there it was; that bubble butt
right in front of me. At first, I was only kissing the cheeks, but I was
really
interested in what those cheeks hid in between them. I had my hands running
up
and down his legs while I was kissing ass and now also the back of his
thighs.
He was kept sucking air every time my lips touched his skin. I was ready to
see
what else he had. I spread his cheeks and there it was; his most sensitive
spot, right in front of, defenseless to anything that I wanted to do. I dove
me
face into it and started kissing him right there, on his butt hole. My
kissing
gradually turned into licking, I held his ass cheeks apart and just licked
his
butt hole several time. He legs shuddered when I first started licking him.
I
could now hear more soundly Adam sucking in the air and breathing it out in
forms of long quiet moan. I was no amateur at that so I knew exactly what to
do
to give him maximum pleasure. I started poking his ass with my tongue and
his
legs almost gave out. Adam's moaning was now turning into wording and that
was
just driving me nuts.

"Yesssssssssssssss...

"Yeaaaaaaaaaaahhh
...

"Oh my Gooood.

I ran my hand up his leg,
reached
up front and started massaging his already stiff dick and his balls. I
wanted
to make this last as long as I could so I was taking my time. I would lick
his
butt hole then his ass cheeks and things and in between them. I loved his
legs,
they weren't really hairy but they weren't exactly smooth either, they were
just right. Beside I liked the hair; it reminded me that I was with a man, a
real man. My dick was hard as rock and I just needed a signal from him, to
do
what I wanted to do the most at that moment.

"Oh my...."

"Vinny..."

"I , I, I..."

"Ooohh..."

I was so excited my cock was
throbbing with precum leaking from cock. I stopped my rim job and was just
rubbing his ass. Adam turned around and then, there it was. He was cock was
so
beautiful; cut and thick with a mushroom head. I took hold of his cock and
started jacking in it off real slowly, it was almost as if I had
premeditated
every single step, but no. Things were just happening to way I guess there
were
supposed to happen. Of course, neither one of us was a virgin nor were we
`professionals' but we knew what we wanted and how we wanted, being this our
second time in intimacy we were still discovering things about each other. I
opened my mouth and let his cock slip inside. He tasted different than
anyone
else I have ever been with, hell Adam was different than anybody I've ever
been
with. It was a mixture of a salty and bitter-sweet flavor that I had never
tried before. His dick was so hot and its skin was so soft despite rigidity.
While I kept on taking as much as I could of Adam into my mouth, I was
amazed
with how I had taken all of that cock the night before. He was reasonably
thick
and definitely long, I don't really care for guys' sizes specially because I
am
mostly a top, but I don't think I had ever been with someone of his caliber.
I
was enjoying every second of that and I was doing my best to make sure that
he
was too. Adam put his hands on the sides of my head directing me to his
liking.
My throat was being poked by his tool, so I tried to relax as much as I
could
to let him in. It took me a while to finally feel comfortable with his size
but
I soon was able to savor his big cock. I had one hand on his ass and with
other
I was playing with his balls, tugging on them and caressing them. I knew
Adam
was loving it, I mean his moaning didn't lie.

Suddenly, I was struck with the
thought of our first date in Top of the Hub. Actually, what I remembered was
when we were walking on the grounds the First Scientific Church by its water
fountain. The way the sky was clear and the moon reflected magnificently on
the
water. The passion that was being born in both of us, and the pure and
sublime
feeling that took over our beings before our first. In my mind that picture
didn't fit with this picture now; me on my knees in the bathroom sucking
Adam
off as if I had just picked up at a dark corner somewhere. It didn't right,
I
couldn't say why, but it just didn't. I looked at caught Adam eyes. I pulled
myself to my feet and just stood there staring at him in the eyes. He
must've
read in my eyes my thoughts and just said.

"It's okay, I understand."

I didn't say anything I just
leaned
in and kissed him. Adam embraced me in his arms and continued kissing me.
The
water was still on and it was hitting Adam in the back. I had my hand going
up
and down, but for some reason I didn't want to touch his anymore. In fact I
just wanted to do this; make out. For some reason while I was sucking him I
felt dirty, vulgar, nasty. It had nothing to do with having oral sex it was
just that it seemed too soon, to premature -- which was odd because last
night
nothing like that crossed my mind. I wasn't going to get back down on my
knees,
but I also thought it was unfair to leave him `hanging', even though he said
he
understood. So I wrapped my fingers around his dick and started massaging it
dick. I didn't let of his lips, we kept kissing more and more and more.
Slowly
I felt that feeling of the first night come back to me. Like before, nothing
else matter, nothing else was important. A feeling of completeness and an
everlasting happiness that is so intense that not sound is heard, no scent
is
smelled, and no sight is seen. At that precise moment, we became one. And I
knew that Adam was feeling the same thing too. His legs started shuddering
and
he shot his load right at me. He hit me on the hips and legs I kept on
milking
him while he continued coming but I was unaware of what I was doing, All I
felt
was this intense nothing that was completed by him. Adam finally stopped
shooting but remained hard. I broke our kiss and look at him, and he
said.

"Sorry." He said

"About what?" I asked

"About the mess that made on
you."

"It's okay, I liked it
actually."

"How about breakfast now? I'm
starved." He said panting.

I nothing said. I just looked at
him searching in his eyes for an answer of a question I had burning inside.
I
wanted so much to ask him, oh God how I really did. However, it was so
perfect,
too perfect for me to spoil it with something so... silly. So instead of
asking
him anything I just nodded, agreeing with joining him for breakfast. We
washed
up and got dressed. Every minute, my heart ached with that cursed doubt that
I
had decided to hold inside. I had to will myself to forget about feelings
and
to just focus on what was happening now, no envisioning, no reveries, I had
to
maintain myself focused and grounded. We ate, and talked, mostly about
anything
that wouldn't force us do too much analyzing at that moment. Well I should
said
say that I did most of the talking actually it's a way that I found to keep
myself safe from my inner demons. I talked mostly about my family and things
of
childhood. Why? I don't think I would know it myself. I believe that maybe
because when I was child was truly when I was mostly happy. I was most
definitely safer than I am now. Decision making was something done by
someone
else, much wiser than I. My life resumed in loving and being loved. There
was
no heartaches, maybe a few minor headaches but overall, I remember
everything
being so much easier, simpler. While I talked I noticed how attentive Adam
was.
How much he really seemed to be interested in what I was saying. It was
almost
like telling a little kid a new story, something that they've never heard
before. We talked for a while than reality came knocking on the door and we
both had to resume to out normal lives. Well, Adam did, I had the day off --
not
really, I had go to my singing lesson later on in the evening. While I put
the
dishes away and to put some order in the rest of the place. Adam went to
living
room to make a few phone calls. Once I had wiped everything and put the
dishes
in the washer, I headed to the bedroom. I closed the door and put a vocal
warm
up cd. in the stereo. While I was fixing things up I followed the
instructions
on the cd, which I knew so very well now; humming for vocal cords awakening,
rib exercises for breathing and melody slides for resonance. Once everything
was done, I set by the keyboard to work on my new song. It didn't have a
title
yet, nor a bridge. Hell, the only thing I really had was the chorus and the
main idea of the song that I still needed to develop into verses. Every time
I
find myself in a situation like this, I always replay the chorus and try to
tap
into the feeling, the message of the song, what inspired me to write it. In
this case, rejection against rejection itself had been my inspiration.

...
I
don't care for what you have to
say...

...I
don't care (oh no) don't bother to explain...

...I
don't care, I've had it with this.

...
If
you won't be mine, then you might as well leave!

I kept
playing and making notes on what I like and didn't. A lot times I can sit by
the keyboard and play for hours and not like anything, but sometimes the
music
just flows right through me and I can write an entire song in a half hour. I
guess today was one of those good old days because in about 15 minutes I had
already settled on two verses, which were going to work well for the first
half
of the song. The lyrical part was good; clear and communicative, and the
melodic part was fitting right in with the rest of the song. I was so
excited
that I got a tape recorder and started recording the song; first, just the
melody with a few arrangement here and there, then the melody with the
lyrical
part, that is, me singing the song.

...Calling
at night, trying to sweet talk me...

...Leading
me on, making me believe...

...That
you and I were meant to be...

...Just
like one of those couples you see on the screen.

...Caught
in your lies, oath and promises...

...Games
that you play but didn't win...

...You
thought I just another one...

...Took
me
granted, hurting me ...

...I don't care for what you have to
say...

...I
don't care (oh no) don't bother to explain...

...I
don't care, I've had it with this.

...If
you won't be mine, then you might as well leave!

Pah, pah, pah! I turned around and saw
Adam in the room clapping his hands, with a big smile on his face. I was
extremely embarrassed. I am very self-conscious when it comes to my music.
My
cheeks were on fire and a feeling of annoyance mixed with rage was surging
up
from my guts. I knew in my heart that he had meant well, but I am way too
private when it comes to my music. I felt invaded, violated. I looked up at
his
eyes and I guess he saw in them that barging in my room unannounced had not
been a good idea after all. I got up and left the room, I just wanted to
vanish, but I only made to the balcony. I knew I was overreacting and I knew
that I was being a jerk, but I just... couldn't help it. Those were one of
the
reason why I loved living by myself, having my own place had given me the
privacy that I needed to do a lot of things and one of them was creating
music.
I just stood there at the balcony, staring out at the ocean; it usually
calms
me down and helps me reflect. I knew that at any minute now Adam would
approach
me and I was going to have to explain about my burst out. I waited a few
minutes and tried to focus on calming myself, I waited and waited some more,
but Adam didn't come. I went back in and searched for him but he wasn't
there:
in the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen or living room. He'd left. I couldn't
believe
but he had left. I fell on the couch awestruck. I was confused at first,
then
angry real angry and then embarrassed to realize that I was the one who had
driven him away. I was definitely a screw-up. The day had started so nicely,
for a moment, I thought I loved him, and he loved me too. He was a good
listener and a great company -- maybe even the best I've had in years - but I
had once again managed to screw everything up. I got up and went to my room.
I
threw myself in bed and after agonizing with the remembrance of what had
happened, I eventually fell asleep.

I was back on the field, I was in
Mississippi. The day was beautiful, sunny with clear sky and warm weather.
There were birds flying around, and there was a nice and fresh breeze
slightly
bending the wheat down. I was alone and confused, and I had this weird, a
bad
feeling in my chest, but I couldn't figure out why. I kept on walking and
turning and looking until I saw someone in the far east. I started to make
my
way towards the stranger in my surrounding started changing; the sky was
turning gloomier and gloomier, the birds suddenly weren't there any longer
and
the nice and fresh breeze was now icy cold down. The knot in my throat grew
tighter. It started raining slightly and I kept walking. Suddenly I was
running
he seemed to still be so far away. I ran and ran and ran. And the rain, was
coming down heavier and heavier. I was cold and wet, but I kept running the
stranger was taking form and I could tell that it was a man and he -- whoever
he
was -- was just standing there. I ran and waved at him but of course, he
couldn't see me because he had his back turned to me. I tried calling out to
him but I had no voice. I couldn't speak. I was scared. Then this
ear-bursting
thunder rang. Rang? I sat up quickly and tried to figure out where I was. I
was
back in Boston, safe in my bed. The phone was ringing in the living room. I
got
up and went to answer.

"Aahhhhh, Hello?" Yawned on the
phone

"You were sleeping?" Matt asked
in
an interrogative/shocked tone

"Arg, what do you want Matt?" I
said annoyed

"What do you want?" He
always played that `game' on the phone when he was calling me for the hell
of
it

"Matt I can't do this right
now." I
was grumpy, what can I say? I had just woken up.

"Bitch."

"Whatever Matt, what do you
want?"
I pressed on, I wasn't about to stay on the phone now playing games.

"With this attitude, nothing" He
said making come back to reality

"I just woke up that's why." I
explained

"Let's go out to eat, I'm
hungry."
Matt suggested in more of ordering way.

"Aaahhh Where?" I yawned
again

"Let's go to Berttucci's. I love
their rolls."

"Fine, but I need to go get
ready."
I said looking at clock on the microwave; it was 6:03 pm.

" Have you seen either Josh or
Raymond lately."

"No why?"

"Because it would cool if they
came."

"Oh, I know."

"I have to get ready, call them
both and see if they want go, and then call me back to let me know if they
need
rides."

"No, you call."

"No, you call them. Hello, I
need,
like, to spend at the very least, 20 minutes under the shower to wake up,
you
know that!"

"No Vinny, come on. I'm hungry,
I
need to eat, like, pronto."

"Whatever you're not gonna die
if
you wait a few more minutes.

"Alright, I'll call."

"Then you can leave me a
voicemail
letting me know okay."

"Then you gotta come and pick me
up
in when you're ready."

"Okay." I agreed

"Hurry the fuck up `cause I'm
hungry." He let out.

"Shut up."

"Bitch." He was playing games
again

"Whatever, bye." I hung up the
phone

I hung up and went straight to
the
shower to get ready. There was another reason why I wanted Josh and Ray to
come
along, and that was because they're my best friends and I wanted to talk to
them about the whole `Adam and I' situation. I did a lot thinking while in
the
shower, even though I didn't want. I am one of those over analyzer freaks
that
spend hours and hours going over past events, futures conversations, and
things
like that. And because of that I am sometimes my worst enemy. I am always
setting myself up to disappointments, expecting too much, wanting too much,
and
wanting things to come out exactly the way I planned. I hated that, I hated
myself. I just didn't want do this right now, but the more I tried to forget
about this morning, the more it got stuck there, vividly, in my mind. I got
out
and checked my voicemail; there was a message from Matt telling me that Josh
and Ray were going to meet us at the restaurant. I got dressed into
something
comfortable, a pair of jeans, sneakers, a t-shirt, and hooded sweater. I
left
my place around 6:30, it was somewhat early to have dinner, but I hadn't
eaten
anyways, so I didn't care. I got to Matt's about 15 minutes later and it
took
us another 20 minutes to get the Berttucci's where were gonna meet the kids.
When we got there it was little past 7 o' clock in there were already seated
at
this nice booth by the window waiting for us. I sat right next to Ray and
Matt
sat next Josh on the other side of the table.

"You guys been here long?" I
asked
while saying hi and hugging them

"No, probably for like 5
minutes."
Ray answered

"Did you guys order yet?" Matt
asked

"Just the rolls and our drinks."
Josh said

"Thank God, I'm starving" Matt
said

"So Vinny, you bitch! You've
been
fucking a lot I bet because nobody's seen lately." Josh said with a smirk on
his face

"Oh Lord." I just rolled my
eyes,
of course he knew that Adam was back from Florida

"I am sorry I've been ...busy."
I
shied out there was I was going to tell them now. I couldn't blurt it all
out
yet.

"With what? You know you don't
have
a life." Matt said

"Shut up, you idiot." I snapped
at
him jokingly

"Oh God, there we go again." Ray
said rolling his eyes.

"What are you talking about
Ray?!
You're such a weirdo." Josh said

"Ha, ha, ha, look who's
talking?"
Matt said snapped at Josh from our said of the table

"Ha, ha, ha, whatever."

At this moment, the waiter came back with the
rolls
and Josh's and Ray's drinks. He was very cute.Early twenties, dirty blonde-short-spiked up hair, with very strong
and
squared feature giving him a very masculine look. Broad shoulder and a thick
neck involved by a shell choker, big and muscular arms, big chest muscles
clearly visible through his a bit tight uniform and a thin waist line and a
killer white straight-teeth smile. I gotta admit, the guy looked just like a
model.

"Hello, welcome to Berttucci's.
My
name is Roger and as I told your friends I will be serving you tonight. So
would anyone like to start with appetizzers?"

"No thanks, I want to order."
Matt
said.

"That's fine. And what would you
like?"

"I want Chicken & Baked
Tortellini." Matt was the first to blurt out his order

"How about you sir? Do you need
some more time?" Roger turned back to Ray, still wanting to get the job
done

"No, he doesn't. Come on Ray."
Matt
said

"Fine, fine. Jeez. I'll have the
baked chicken with potatoes and spinach."

"Okay, I will be back with you
orders in a few minutes." Roger said walking away.

Roger finish writing on his
little
notepad our orders and left, as soon as he was out of sight we all turned
and
stared at Josh who seemed unaware of our stare at the beginning but soon
noticed it.

"What? What's wrong? Do I have something in my
nose?" Already covering his nose trying to clean it but pick it.

"You are
un-fucking-believable!!"
Matt started

"Do I have something in my
nose?"
Josh asked as if he ignoring Matt's comment

"Are you even listening?" I
asked
amazed with his nonchalant attitude

"What, what did I do?" Josh
said.

"Are you fucking kidding? You
just
come on to waiter like you were at a club or something. `I love a piece a
meat'."Matt continued mimicking Josh

"So!! Besides that's not true. I
wouldn't have talked as much if we were at a club." Josh said finally
putting his hands donw and understanding that his nose was not the
problem.

"Unbelievable!" I said shaking
my
head

"That's Josh for you." Ray said
while reaching for a roll

"What is that suppose to mean
Ray?"

"Nothing, just that is not like
you
don't do things like this constantly" Ray said with a calm that was only
his.

"Whatever, I do not know you are
talking about?

"Remember that one time at
Virgin
Mega Store that the guy even told you that he wasn't gay because you kept on
making remarks."

"That guy was a loser
anyway."

"Yeah but you wanted to get into
his pants anyways.

"What-ever."

"Just admit you're a whore."

"Fuck you"

"Guys, please. Settle down. I
have
something to tell you. I wanted to have dinner with you guys because I need
your
opinion on something."

I started telling them about my
last 2 days, how Adam had come back Florida after his grandmother's funeral,
told them about how I first reacted then later in the evening our picnic in
the
office. Also told about how our making out session finally developed into
our
first time together how the sex was mind blowing and the after-math was
great
up until when I screwed up like I always do. It took me about 20 minutes to
tell them everything with all the details so they could truly understand
what
had happened. Once I was done I just looked at them, but no one was saying
before I had a chance to ask why the silence, Roger came back with our
orders.
He still didn't make much eye contact with Josh but remained polite to him.
Josh looked at him a lot with the same lust in his eyes but this time he
kept
quiet, probably because of what we had said. It felt sort of awkward, I
could
the tension in the air with a `knife' but there was no remedying it right
now.
Once we were set with everything he left and then it started.

"You are such a loser." Matt was
the first to speak

"Shut up" I automatically
answered

"I'm sorry Vinny but I'm gonna
have
to agree with Matt" Ray added

"I know, I know. I fucked up
real
bad." I said

"Oh my God! I can never
understand
this; why are guys like Adam wasted on people like you?" Josh said while
eating
his salmon.

"You finally found someone
interesting, who seems to want to really get to know you, and get closer to
you
and you had to push him away, didn't you?" Matt said

"Okay, okay! I got it. Now, how
about helping me out here, I don't know what to do." I said.

"Apologize, what else?!" Matt
said

"But see that's the problem, I
don't know how." I answered

"Oh my sweet Jesus." Josh just
shook his head

"Okay so then let me tell you
how,
you..." Ray started

"Should I call him?" I
interrupted
him

"Shut up and listen Vinny. Go to
him, don't call him. This way he has no chance of hanging up the phone on or
anything like that."

"He's right." Josh agreed with
Ray

"Then you stand right in front
him
and say `Adam I'm sorry I for being so fucking rude and a total shit-head,
you're a great guy and I promise I will never fuck up like that again, if
you
only give me a chance." Matt ended Ray's speech.

"Hell no, I'm not humiliating
myself for anyone." I snapped right back.

"Matt shut up and let Ray finish
okay." Josh intervened

"Vinny listen good. You don't
want
to call him. You better off going to him, meeting him somewhere where he
can't
escape like his office for instance. Then when you get there just let your
heart speak for you." Ray said

"I don't know if I can do this."
I
hesitated

"Forget what you know. Don't let
your head lead you now, because this is a matter of the heart. Just be
honest
with him, you know why you did what you did. You just have to tell him." Ray
finished

"Geez.!!" Josh sighed

"What?" Ray asked him

"I didn't know that side what
yours, Ray." Josh continued

"What do you mean?" Ray
persisted

"Next time I have a relationship
problem I will be calling you." Josh said

"Whatever ha ha ha." Ray
responded

"He will be charging 50 a
session,
and I will be his collector, personal assistant, manager and producer,
getting
of course, 60 percent of the everything." Matt said

"SHUT UP" Ray, Josh and myself
said
at the same time

We finished our meal -- well I
didn't eat much because I still needed to go attend to my singing lesson. So
I
asked to have my food wrapped up and for the check. We were still talking
about
miscellaneous when Roger came with the check and handed it over to Josh.
Josh
opened the check and his eyes lit up almost instantaneously. A smiled grew
across his face and he became radiant.

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" Josh
repeated

"What is he talking about now?"
Ray
asked annoyed

"What? What? What happened?"
Matt
asked all excited

"Give me this. I can't believe
you're fussing about the price." I try to pull the check off Josh's
hands.

"What? What price?! I knew I was
right." Josh said making no sense

"About what?" Ray asked a little
more interested now

"Tell us already" Matt said
impatiently

"Read this" Josh game the check
himself.

Inside the check there was a
note
in it, which I read out aloud and it said, `I get off at 11 tonight stop
by
then'

"Nooooooo wayyy" Matt said.

"Yep" Josh said glorified

"I can not believe it" I said

"I know, but it is right here."
Ray
said

"You know what, as much as it
would
be fun to talk about it some more I have to go guys otherwise I'll be late
to
my lesson." I said snapping out of it

We left the money to cover the
check and left on ours ways out I heard Josh looking at Roger and say `I'll
be
here'. Because I had to hurry, Josh took Matt and Ray home and I went
straight
to class. I took lessons at this small studio located on Huntington Avenue
near
by the Symphony Hall. That was an area filled with music students, even
Berkeley was within walking distance from the studio. I loved the placed it
made me feel inspired, motivated, almost like I belonged. I got there little
before 8:30, I was having double classes today which meant that I wasn't
leaving until 10 o'clock at night. We started with out regular routine.
Toni,
the singing instructor, started me off with some a 15 minutes warms-up and
then
had me doing vocal exercises for about another 30. Once that was done we off
the best part of the lesson when I actually got to sing. Being that they
were
private I pretty much had total control over the lessons and once the
obligation to prepare them too. Basically, what that meant was that I was in
charge of selecting the song, finding the lyrics and bringing the on a cd
the
regular version of the song and if I could a karaoke version of it too.
Tonight
I had it everything since I had done all that and left it in the cars 2 ago.
At
first, I play the music so Toni can get a feeling of what it sounds like.
Then
I sing, once and Toni corrects me on what is needed, we even talk about the
song if he feels it will help me sing it better. My choice for tonight was
one
of my most favorite songs by Brian McKnight called `One Last Cry'. We heard
it
at first then talked about a bit.

"It's a very nice song, and it
seems to be within your range."

"Yeah, it means some much to me, I love the
lyrical
part."

"That's good, the fact that you
like it will help do it better because you have so much love for it. So
okay,
whenever you're ready you can go."

"Alright" I started

My shattered dreams and broken
heart

Are mending on the shelf

I saw you holding hands

Standing close to someone
else

Now I sit

All alone

Wishing all my feelings were
gone

I gave my best to you

Nothing for me to do

...One last cry, one last
cry...

...Before I leave it all behind...

...I gotta put out my
mind...

...This
time...

...Stop
living...

...I guess I'm down to my last
cry...

...Cry!

"Honestly, it was average. The notes were right
but
it was a little dull. Try again."

I sang the same part one more
part
but it still sounded the same

"Vinny try and focus to see if it works. You can
even close eyes, see if it helps."

I did it, but every time I
closed
my eyes I saw Adam in front of me and the only thing I saw was his eyes when
he
last looked at me before I left the room. I guess Toni was getting a little
frustrated so he trying to really talk to me one more time, this time a bit
more firmly that I was used to.

"Okay Vinny, here what I see. A
guy
with a great voice but I'm not touched by it. We've been through this before
I
need you to show me emotion through the song, through your singing." Said
Toni
visibly annoyed

"I know." I felt like so
disoriented

"You can't just open your mouth
and
expect it to happen okay." He said in nice tone to soften it up but still he
words were harsh.

"I know." It was all I could
say

"Okay let's talk about the song.
What do you think this song means." Toni was really trying to get me into
this.

"I guess the song is about
someone
who's hurt, who is hurting right now. Remembering what happened, what made
him
feel the way he's feeling right now. And after all the hurt and pain he
finally
realizes that it is time to move on. But before he does all that, before he
leaves all behind, before he can pack up and leave and start over he is
allowing himself to cry one more time,
one
very last time."

"Exactly! Now you can't do this
in
front of audience. You can't stand there and explain to them what the song
you're singing means. You have to tell them all that in your lyrics and in
the
emotion that you have to transmit. Try this, close your eyes and picture,
the
source of your problem, of your frustration. Now you're telling someone,
someone important to you that, all this, will have to be part of you past,
you
will never go back to this again but, and this a very important `but',
before
you can do all this, you going to cry one last time, the last
time."

"Okay."

"Start from the second part
now."

I closed my eyes and started
thinking. I needed something emotional, but something happy, because
something
sad was gonna take my concentration away, I need something pure something
that
me feel like I was what I was singing even though it should be as sad, and
that
was when I remembered of my first kiss with Adam. How spontaneous and
natural
it had been, how I felt at that moment, how happy I was. How much I wanted
to
say that I was sorry now. That I knew I had problems and that I was afraid
of
letting him in. But that I knew, I wanted him. I needed him. So I started
singing picturing Adam right there.

I was here and you were
there

I guess we never could
agree

While the sun shines on
you

I need some love to rain on
me

Still I sit

All alone

Wishing all my feelings were
gone

Gotta get over you

Nothing for me to do

...But have one last
cry...

...One last
cry...

...Before I leave it all
behind...

...I gotta put you out of my
mind...

...This
time...

...Stop living a
lie...

...I now I gotta be
strong...

...`Cuz `round me, life goes on..

...And on and
on...

...And
onnnnnn...

I'm gonna dry my eyes

Right after I have my

...One last cry...

...One last
cry...

...Before I leave it all
behind...

...I gotta put you out my
mind...

...For the very last
time...

...Stop living a
lie...

...I guess I'm
down...

...I guess I'm
down...

...I guess I'm
downnnn...

...To my last cry.

I opened my eyes and
noticed
that my face was a bit wet. I touched it and noticed that the wetness had
been made
out of tears. I'd cried while singing and didn't even realize it. Toni was
looking at me with a huge smile on this face. I was a bit embarrassed,
confused
but somewhat relieved. As if I knew, I had done it.

"That was superb, phenomenal."

"Thank you."

"Not only you were emotional through your
voice you showed me real emotion, real feeling, a real crying."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me, thank yourself and whoever
it
was you telling this all to."

It was Adam, it had been
Adam.
It was to him that I'd sung. How could someone, I barely even know, make me
feel this way? How could he have such impact on me? I feel so strongly when
I
think of him, and that scares me so much. But I knew what I have to do. It
was
10 o'clock, tonight's lesson was over. I had to go, but I couldn't go home,
I
had to see Adam, I needed total to him and straight things out. But I didn't
where he lived, by now he wasn't in the office anymore. I had to find him.
So I
called the only person I knew could help me now, Josh.

"Hey, Josh. It's me Vinny.

"Vinny I can't talk right now I need to get
ready for Roger"

"Roger?? Who's that?

"The waiter, remember!!"

"Oh God, anyways I need your help."

"Make it quick"

"I need to know where Adam lives."

"Uhh, can't help you there, I've never been
to
his place."

"Oh God, okay I gotta then."

"Bye."

I was gonna have to call
him
there was no way I could avoid it, I needed to talk to him and there was
nothing I could do to help it. So I took a deep breath and dialed his
number.
It rang 3 three times before anyone answered. On the third ring, someone
picked
up.