Friday, September 12, 2008

An Anonymous Commenter on the last post wrote the following, "Thank you for this post. I love the precious picture, and the sweet sentiment. You posted before about there is no fear in love. I have thought about it since the first time you posted about it, and realize I don't quite understand what that means. I fear several things, and losing one of my children is the main one. Does this mean I don't love them enough? Does it mean not to worry- there is a plan for all of us, so we don't need to fear? I'm sorry to ask these questions to you, but you seem to understand the concept, better than I."

For what they are worth, here are my thoughts on the subject. Perfect faith and fear cannot occupy the same space. Fear is not of the Lord. I do not have a perfect understanding of this concept because it seems logical that with great love there should be great fear of loss. But perfect love is Eternal. It does not die. It does not fade. It fills us with hope and ... well love. When we are filled with this love there simply is no fear in us. Imagine being in the presence of the Savior and his perfect love. If your love for Him is also perfect there should be no fear in your heart. There would just be so much love that there would be no room left for fear or doubt. I can only say that when my heart attached to that PURE love that I knew I had for Camille and my family, all the fear left me. The fear was the worst part of the experience. When we have perfect faith in the Lord and his plan for us, we feel his perfect love and there simply is no fear. We know all will be well, even if things turn out contrary to our desires. I do not think you do not love your kids enough. I think you are just human like the rest of us and do not have the perfect faith required to eliminate all fear of losing them. I do not fear losing my children anymore. I did before. I am not sure why this changed. Maybe because from this side of that experience I know how eternal the love is and how eternal the family bonds are. I don't want to feel this pain again and would fight to not have to feel it. But I know the Lord will not give me more than I can handle. I know His plan. I feel daily of His perfect love. When I keep focused on that, even in the painful moments of sorrow at the separation, there just isn't any room for fear.

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Camille's Story

Our lovely daughter Camille, drowned in our backyard spa on June 13, 2008 and died two days later in the hospital. This blog has served as a tool for me to work through my emotions in this grieving process. If you want to skip back to the first post after Camille's drowning you can click on her picture below.