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Words

They said, Im perfect, having all the things that i wanted. They said that the very best description to perfection is me. But never in my life, i said that to myself. They just don’t know the truth behind my lovely face. HIndi nila alam ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko. They have no idea what I’m going through.

Girl: Watch where you going! You just can’t walk up here and smash the cake all over my face!
Ako: Hay wait, are you talking to me?
Girl: Ano pa ba? Who else is standing here?
Ako: I didn’t do it.
Girl: Anong hindi? You’ll deny it pa? Look at me? I look like a taong-grasa! Only mas mabango lang.
Ako: Miss, look. I don’t have any time for this. And hindi lang naman ikaw yung naperwisyo dito e.

I looked at the watch again. 6:50. Guess i have to get going. So tumayo ako, binayaran ang luho at umalis. Nauna na kasi sina Rachelle. So there, tumayo ako sa labas at tumawag ng taxi. I don’t know how to drive. Okay?

Gagi! E kung i on mo kaya yang lights at tingnan kung anong ginagawa niya? Kaya ayun, i followed the feeling small voice inside me. I turned on the lights at nabigla nalang ako when I saw him lying on the floor. Namumula siya.

Wala paring sagot. No choice but to open the door. So I opened the door and there she is, nakahalatay sa kanyang kama with arms widely open. I looked at her na parang natameme ako. She looked so tired and everything. Feeling ko naman parang pinatakbo siya ng ilang kilometro. Pero kahit ganun na, she still looked lovely.

Nabigla ako when she gave me a kiss in the cheek. I mean, i’ve been kissed many times, hindi lang sa cheek, pero ibang usapan na when she kissed me. ewan ko ba, ang hirap iexplain.Ako: I didn’t do that for you – only.

So there, the last time i checked the clock, it was 1:30, and right now, kumakaripas na ako ng takbo papunta sa school. Yup, wala akong pasok ngayon. Mabilis naman akong nagdrive papunta sa school niya and there she is, standing at the front of the gate. Mukha siyang ewan.

Mish: Mikeee!!!

Ako: Get in.

Mish: Hmm, i wanna eat. Is it alright with you?

Ako: Mamaya nalang sa dinner.

Mish: *pout* awww.. but i wanna eat.

I looked at her. Leche, what’s with her eyes?! She looks like a puppy. LOL

As I was waiting, i was looking at the car when she opened the window. She looked at the other side of the street and bit her lip. She was so serious kaya nacurious ako sa tinitingnan niya.

I smiled – the kind of smile na naiinis. She’s looking at the jerk leaning at his car at the other side of the street. Pinagmasdan ko lang siya while looking at the jerk. I don’t know but pakiramdam ko, may biglang sumakit sa puso ko – nope, baka naman sa lungs yun?

Boy: s-sir? s-sir? eto na po yung burgers. S-sir?

Ako: S-sorry.

Kinuha ko yung burgers and i went back to the car. Hindi niya ata nahalatang nakabalik na ko nor she heard the loud kabam of the door.

Ako: here you go.

Mish: ah.. nandito ka na pala.. [she said softly]

Ako: Still hoping? *i said seriously*

Mish: Naah..

She looked at the window again.

Mish: ..it’s just that.. *she smiled sadly* .. its hard to let go of him that easily.

No, Im a man with a word of honor. So can’t be. Di pwede yun. And you’re !@#$ or something?! After we ate, i drove her back to the unit. I’m all dressed up kaya hinintay ko nalang siyang matapos. I think she took 2 hours or more ata before she went out.Mish: Hey, how do I look?!

Mom: We really planned this out, we knew you would like each other [except for the first meeting though].

Mish looked at me confusedly. I think I know what she’s thinking.

Mish: Well.. guess, it really worked.

She said smiling faintly and looked towards me.

Ako: Aren’t you ready yet? Let’s go.

Mom: Oh yeah, hijo.

We started on our way and Mom sat at the backseat. I don’t know why she gave the frontseat to Michelle since she always sit there. Maybe she really thinks that she’s my gf. lmao.

We reached our destination and hey – did I already described Michelle’s dress? Not yet. Okay. Well, im not so good at this since these stuffs are for girls. She’s wearing a black dress [a fitting dress]. Basta, ganun, it looks good on her since she’s kinda tall.

Pinabayaan ko nalang si Mish sa kakareklamo and turned my head on the other way.

Mish: Mikee.. Mikee.. i’ve got something to tell you.

At ako naman tong sira at uto-uto, i looked around and from Mish.

0____________________0 -> i looked like this.

Mish giggled and looked at Cathy again.

Mish: see? it always work.

She smiled and faced the other direction again. I was left shocked – utter shocked.

Its not like I’ve never been kissed by a girl before.. but, Michelle?

..the feeling’s kinda different..

After a tiring day, we went home narin kaagad. Ano ba to si Mikee? Kanina pang walang imik. Parang wala sa sarili. *pout* I never did anything arong today at him right? And i stopped nagging him since he punched my idiot boyfriend. Oops, correct that, my exboyfriend. Ako: Mikee, what’s the matter with you?

He just looked at the road straightly and never said a word to me nor did he blink. Okay, that was kinda – ugh.. i dunno. He’s been acting weird since a few a hours ago. What the hell is wrong with him?!

I poked him at his right arm. But still no response. I poked him again and he looked at me. I mean, glanced at me. Bigla niya namang binawi so i poked him again for like – 30 or more times. Haha. I just love to tease him.

I thought he’s gonna ignore me and all, but he stopped the car at the corner and looked at me with his red eyes. LOL. I was being exaj. But really, tinitingnan niya ako ngayon ng dalawa niyang nakakatakot na mata.

Ako: Okay, that stare will gonna burn a hole in my cheek.

Mikel: I hate what you’ve done awhile ago.

Ako: Alin? Teka, wala naman akong ginawa sa iyo ah!

He shut his eyes. Nagtitimpi talaga siya while it’s really obvious that he wants to kick me out of the car already. But he’s really trying to be gentle with me. Gentle?! Nyee.. yan ba ang gentle? leche..

Ako: Oh.. I know.. the “kiss” part.

He blushed. His face is really red. Awww.. how cute.

Ako: Well, that was just a “kiss”. Ano kaba? don’t tell me you really took it seriously?

Mikel: I didn’t. Its just that.. that.. that was a kiss.. and a girl.. should give it to the guy she really likes, right?

Ako: Awww.. geee.. i never thought that there’s a soft side of you Mikee.

He looked away while still holding me at the shoulders. I took off his hands and I thought of a good answer.

Ako: Would you believe.. if.. i say.. … i like you?

Haha. Mikel dropped his jaw. As in, kakatawa talaga yung mukha niya when I told him those words.

Mikel: You’re.. .. insane..

Ako: Yeah.. I am. But then.. you should be happy a lovely girl kissed you. And besides, I am your “fiance”..

Mikel: F*ck off Mish. I know what you’re trying to say.

Ako: Bad.. you’re a bad boy Mikel Araneta!

Mikel: Yeah, I know.

He smiled and started the engine. Then, suddenly, a thought came to myself na hindi ko naman dapat inisip.

…he doesn’t want to believe that i like him..

..really like him..

Aissh..what are you thinking Mishie?! You don’t like him – for now. Well, Mikel’s one hella hot guy. But then, I don’t like a guy just by looking at his outer surface. LOL

Ako: Tsaka, you panicked awhile ago when I kissed you. [diba? he did.]

Mikel: Well, pano naman kasi.. … kasi..

Ako: You’re a coward.

Mikel: Im not.

Ako: Yes you are.

Mikel: Im not!

Ako: You are.

Mikel: sabi na ngang hinde e!

Then he just kissed me at the lips without my permission.

Ako: No, Im not!Mish: yes you are!

Grrr.

Ako: I told you Im not!

Mish: You are.

Why does she has to insist na takot ako? I just respect that girl. Pero of course, if they’re the ones to kiss me, ayos lang naman sakin. Well, walang nawawala sa guys if they do that. But then, nandito si Mish, iniinsist that Im a coward kasi hindi ko mahalikan si Lindsay. And i don’t know what happened next, i just felt my body moved towards her and kissed that damn lips of hers. Then before I saw it coming..

*pak*

I swear that one was hard enough to knock me out. Bigla naman akong bumitaw sa kanya and she stared at me in horror. I swear, hindi ko yun sinadya! I didn’t do it because I like her or anything sort of. I don’t know. I don’t know why i did that.

Ako: I..im… sorry..

Mish turned away and it was really obvious that she hated what i’ve done to her. Hey, she started it anyways. Bumaba siya ng kotse at dali-daling umakyat sa unit. Mabilis ko naman siyang sinundan.

Ako: Oh come on.. it was just a kiss.. just like what you did to me awhile ago.. Mish!?

Patuloy lang siya sa paglalakad at binuksan ang unit using her keys. She went directly to her room and slammed the door. Great. Im all messed up!

Aiissshhh..

I opened the door at her room and she was at the front of her laptop browsing something.

I glared at him like he’s really going to die with my glare – aka. the death glare of Monteverde, Michelle.

He explained and said that hindi niya alam kung bakit niya ginawa yun. I felt violated. Leche! Kaya naman napasigaw ako sa kanya! I told him to get out and finally, i slammed teh door at his face. Pero teka – he got a point. It was just a damn kiss. Just a damn kiss. Just like what i did at the dinner. Kaya ano yung pinuputok ng butsi ko dito? Diba? Im not that affected. Right?

So here we are, magkasamang naglalakad-lakad under the dark sparkling sky – yeah, romantic – not. Alam niyo, mejo masakit rin that you know you’re close to the person you like yet you still feel so far away. [okay, madrama na ako] It’s just that, that’s how i feel around him these past few weeks.

I just looked at him not able to speak a word. I tried to, but no words came out. Ngumiti nalang ako at niyakap siya na parang huling yakap ko yun sa kanya – and also my first.

Ako: Great.

I smiled again and went inside my house. I know he’s somewhat puzzled by the way I acted. Its just that..

*heavy breath*

Just as i closed the gate, gravity started to pull my tears. Why am I crying?! I’m not affected, right? So why am i crying? I should be happy. The person i really like is happy right now. So, i should be happy, diba? I tried to smile but i couldn’t.

It’s not fair. It’s not fair. Its isn’t fair. Not fair.

Why do i always end up liking the wrong person?
Diba i said, Mikel would be the last guy I’m gonna end up liking in this whole wide world?
And even if he’s the last one, i still wouldn’t?

Then why am i acting like this?
Why do i feel like my heart’s being squeezed by a hand?
Why?

Sabi ni Mommy, una siyang nagkagusto kay Daddy. Then he told Daddy that she likes him so much. And Daddy told her too. Pero something Daddy said made her realized that actions were not really an assurance.

Because Daddy said,
…that actions speaks louder than words, but words can be a great assurance..

I don’t know what’s wrong with that girl. Pero yeah, she acted weird awhile ago. I just smiled again thinking that Lindsay will be back just a couple of days already. But somehow, i feel strange. Pakiramdam ko kasi, things won’t be the same again. You know, things with Mish.. things with my friends.. things with my parents.. and with Linds.I drove my way to the condo building. Mabilis naman akong umakyat at nahiga sa kama. I just couldn’t contain the happiness i’m feeling right now. But there’s really something wrong. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan tong nararamdaman ko.

I smiled and when she faced me, sh*t. Sobrang ganda ng babaeng to. She looks very sophisticated, yung kind of girl na alam mong she can get what she wants. Parang nanliit tuloy ako sa sarili ko.
She smiled at me.

Mikel: Hmm, she just came back from Paris. Tsaka..
Ako: Paris? Yeah, i heard it. Hmm, diba may scholarship ka dun?
Linds: Yup. And..
Ako: Don’t tell me you gave it up already. Sayang naman kasi.
Linds: Well, i didn’t. I just came here for vacation.
Ako: Oh..

Then after some few minutes, lumabas siya sa room niya and goshie! He looks so hot. Nakawhite polo siya na mejo open yung butones sa itaas and he was wearing a white pants too. Basta he looks so neat and nakagel yung hair.. like, my heart skipped a beat again.

Umupo kami sa isang bench at ayun, naghintay. Then suddenly, fireworks came flashing in at the sky. Napatayo ako at napatingin sa fireworks. So this is what he’s saying na dapat akong maghintay. And i think its worth waitin for. Grabe, ang ganda-ganda.

Ako: Woah.. its beautiful.
Mikel: Yeah, beautiful.

Then suddenly, i looked at him. I was surprised na nakatingin siya sakin. Then suddenly, he looked at the sky and smiled.

Did he really mean that?

I looked at the sky again where different lights are still flashin before my eyes. Then suddenly, Mikel went talking.

Mikel: I’m leaving.

He said in a very low and serious voice. I suddenly faced him in shock.

Mikel: I’m leaving for Paris. I’ve.. I’ve been working on a scholarship and they granted it already last Wednesday.. i’m going to Paris with Lindsay and..

I couldn’t breathe and my tears are filling my eyes. I looked up at nothingness. Wala akong makita. Naririnig ko lang ang boses niya and pakiramdam ko, nag-eecho ito na nag-eecho sa tenga ko. I felt like there was just me and him sitting and.. and..

Mikel: Mish..

He looked at me and i can see his eyes at the corner of my eye. I breathe again and wiped the tears in my eyes.

At yun nga, sa inaasahan ko, fireworks came flashing up at the sky, different colors, different styles.. just.. wonderful.

I saw Mish’s eyes widened in amazement and she was smiling like she really liked the view and what was on her front. I looked at her and i think, for the first time in my life, I’ve never seen such joy in a person’s eyes like hers. Naisip ko kaagad ang dapat ko palang sabihin sa kanya. And my mind was having a battle kung sasabihin ko o hindi. Suddenly, Mish looked at me and smiled. Then i was locked. I was locked at her brown sparkling eyes. Dang, that brown sparkling eyes of hers that always gives me the shiver whenever it looks into my eyes and the reason why her eyes would never get out of my sight. Her eyes that meant every word she wanted to say. Her eyes that makes her so transparent. Her eyes that I would always remember. Her eyes that meant thousand of words.

As i was locked at her eyes for almost a minute, suddenly, i freed myself from her charm. Tumingin ako sa langit at ngumiti. I don’t have to say this, but i really should. I lowered my head and let out a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

Ako: I’m leaving.

Suddenly, Mish looked at me and i saw her eyes widened in shock.

Ako: I’m leaving for Paris. I got this scholarship i’ve been working for the past five months. And they just granted it. I’m going to Paris with Lindsay. And..

She didn’t say a word. She was just looking at me confused and hurt? I paused since hindi nagsasalita si Mish.

Pagkatapos nun, i just smiled again and he went inside his car smiling. Yeah, see ya around too. Tama nga naman talaga, nobody’s perfect. And Karlo was not !@#$, ako pala yung !@#$ noon. Ako pala yung nam-abuso sa kabaitan niya which made him find other girls. Yada, yada, but that was over. Di ko na yun mababalik.

I walked out and headed straight to our unit. I stood at the front of our unit’s door and looked at the door number. I let out a sigh. Irorotate ko na sana ang door when suddenly, it opened.

Voice: I’m going.

Lindsay?

I suddenly walked at the side of the door.

Voice1: Lindsay come on!

Mikel?!

Lindsay: Tell me Mikel, are you sure that you’re going with me at Paris? Are you really sure that you still feel the same way about me? Are you really sure na wala kang nararamdaman kay Michelle!? Are you ready to leave everything behind here para makasama ako sa Paris?!

Tears were starting to form at my eyes again at napapikit nalang ako sa mga sumunod na narinig ko.

Mikel: Yeah! Lindsay, I love you! nangako ako sa iyo diba? And i’m not just a jerk na sisirain ko yun. And i’m not doing this because i promised you, i’m doing this because i still feel the same about you! And Michelle? We’re just… we’re just.. plain.. friends..

Lindsay went outside the door and she noticed na nandun ako at nakaupo. She smirked at me! F8ck you, you b*tch. She did it on purpose. She really did. I gathered all my courage at yung pride na natitira pa sa pagkatao ko. I wiped my tears, stood up at pumasok sa door.

With that i hugged him as tight as i could. I’m really gonna miss you so much. Mikel hugged me back and i wiped my tears as i went out of his room.

“Mish! My flight’s at 9.”

Mikel: Mish! My flight’s at 9.I looked at Mikel again and smiled softly.

Ako: Yeah. Take care.

I went out of his room and went inside my room. Too much crying can cause very big eyes and very red eyes. Kaya stop na Mish. You can do nothing. You can’t stop him from leaving. Ilang ulit mo ba kelangang sabihin yan sa sarili mo ha?

Suddenly, my gaze shifted to the sleeping Michelle. I say to you, pwede magiging totoo si sleeping beauty. And Michelle is one. But then may napansin ako sa cheeks niya. It was wet and are these tears?

I wiped the tears and smiled at myself. Sobrang mamimiss kita Mish. Sobra.

I woke up around 7:30 am. Then, pumunta ako ng kitchen to talk with Mish. Pero wala naman siya dun so i headed to her room. But then wala rin siya. Where could she be at this time? Tsaka.. alam niya namang aalis ako ngayon, well, i just wanna see her for the last time and have fun with her – you know, kulitan and asaran?

I waited for her hanggang naging 8:30 na.. and Lindsay’s been calling me since kanina pa. So i have to get going. I looked at the unit one more time and said goodbye. Lumapit pa ako sa parrot at nagbabye sa kanya.

Papalapit na talaga ako when i saw a man standing sa labas ng taxi. He looked around and pumasok narin. I stopped at napatingin ako sa taxi. I looked at it in a distance and i knew then that it was Mikel. He’s really leaving.. and i can’t stop him.

He’s bringing my heart.. and it won’t be back for some time. My heart ached and a tear fell from my eyes as i saw the taxi moving away from me. He’s bringing everything from me. Another tear fell from my eyes and the taxi disappeared from my sight.

another tear fell and i know, i have nothing to cry and i’ve got no tear from my eyes left.
that would be the last one.

She got our tickets. As i was walking papunta sa waiting area, i can’t help looking at the entrance. Baka kasi.. dumating pa siya. Well.. its true faith. Sabi niya nga, true faith is when you believe the unbelievable. Guess, it doesn’t exist. Guess it only applies to God.
—————————————

Magdadrama na naman sana ako when my doorbell rang. I hurriedly opened it and i saw my friends.

Its been 3 days since umalis si Mikel, and pakiramdam ko, ang laki ng nawala sakin. Im trying to act as normal as possible. Minsan naiiyak parin ako, pero knowing that his happy, dinadaan ko nalang sa tawa ang mga nararamdaman ko, and i should feel happy for him. I’m still not moving on and.. pakiramdam ko, di na ako magmamahal ng ibang lalaki. I told you, he brought my heart with him. And its not coming back for quite some time right now. And i should just wait for it – kahit wala na akong dapat asahan. I just want my heart back.

I froze at what i heard. Then i looked at Lindsay who’s standing 3 feet away from me. I searched my mind for any reasons kung bakit ako narito with her. But no reasons came out. The isa lang yung naalala ko back at my mind.

And before i could answer Mikel kissed me on the lips, and i just kissed him back, coz i felt like this is the right thing to do right now. And, he got no words for me to hear, coz he just made me feel it. And with that, i have nothing and he has nothing to say and put into words.

Epilogue:Its been 3 years since nangyari lahat yun. And Mikel and i are still going strong. Yup, nakapagtapos na siya ng college and tapos naring ako. He’s working at his dad’s company as the CEO since Tito resigned already. Ako naman eh under sa care parin ni Mommy sa Chiq’s. But ngayon, Chiq’s opened a clothing line, and syempre, ako ang designer.

When i looked out the window, yeah, papalapit na kami sa star city. And alam ko, nagsparkle na naman ang eyes ko ng makita ko yun. We went inside and we tried all the rides na naman.. and we even got another pictures. Then nung mga 9:30 na, he said may surprise na naman daw siya.

I stood up and suddenly, he grabbed my hands and embraced me. He didn’t say any words, he just hugged me and kissed me at the forehead.

Mikel: No. Ill always be here at your side.

He whispered at my ear and he just continued hugging me. Then i smiled and kissed him on the lips. Then, hinila niya na naman ako and we went on a village. He stopped at the front of a house and it really looks familiar. Aww…

Mikel: The first time we met each other was like a world war 3.. and.. we were together for more than half a year.. and.. kung hindi ko pa nakita yung video.. i wouldn’t know everything.. and.. i made a mistake already for choosing Lindsay over you.. and now.. i just..wanna..