For the past few weeks my motivation, interest, activity, and happiness have been at a low. Personal problems with family, the strain of the holidays, and the fact that Finals Week is keeping friends busy is adding to my own sadness. I haven't been sleeping well, particularly because I don't want to sleep; I have a hard time deciding to go to bed, and even when I do, I lay there. I know that I'm not happy and I don't know why. Tomorrow I'm going to seek out a counselor, and start pursuing other activities in hopes of just giving my brain too much stimuli to continue being this low. Maybe I was always this depressed and disease has made it more prominent? I don't know. I was too healthy before to care to track my moods.

Returned from San Diego; was amazed at how GOOD I felt while there. Barely any tingling, despite increased temperature and LOTS of activity. Was able to walk whole days without too much strain. On returning to Denver, noticed almost instant return of tingling and exhaustion. Blamed it primarily on travelling so much. But had insomnia return along with extreme depression and suicidal thoughts. Looking forward to Doc appointments on Thursday.

After the liver results came back grossly too high, the Doctor has decided to pull me off this and let me have a few weeks off of any drugs to recover myself. Monday, being my last shot day, is now a marker of the worst reaction I had to Rebif. Hopefully, now, we'll find something that not only helps to prevent further exacerbations, but also, doesn't make me bloody wonkers.

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