Spoof news stories from Wednesday 14 March 2007

Following the louder than loud 'secret' Wedding of Liz "over here guys" Hurley and Mr "who?" it has been decided that he is hard enough to upset a whole community by invading its beaches and to start a fight (more tradit...

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Vice President Dick Cheney, in a speech to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, lashed out at Democrats, accusing them of supporting U.S. troops in word but not in action. Cheney said, "anyone can say they support t...

Charles Langley, 58, an ex CIA Operative in the Middle East arena, now, wreaths in pain from a three-story fall after a drunken pilfering of the bar in the office of the CFO of druid Air's corporate branch offices, in Gary Indiana, on what should have been a perfectly mundane 'black bag' job.

Michael Jackson is about to sell his prized Beatles song catalogue to help pay off his debts which are estimated at $900 million. The sale will go ahead on eBay where bidding will start at around $750 million.

The ten-month-old baby just happened to be visiting the set of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," her dad's new movie, when BOTH of the twins hired to individually play a baby scene were having a bad day.

Ignoring God's golden rule, "thou shall not kill," General Pace called homosexuality, "immoral," and does not feel that it would be appropriate for homosexual people to serve in the U.S. armed forces. General Pace argued that...

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressman Pete Stark (D-CA) has revealed that he does not believe in the existence of a supreme being, making him the highest ranking public official to make such a public declaration. Reaction has been swift.

BEJING -- A three-legged panda that lost a leg in a fight seems to be recovering well, other than the fact that it appears she has no sex life. "Niu Niu" lost two-thirds of her front left leg, and the resulting loss of balance has affected...

CINCINNATI, OHIO--In a sharply worded speech given to the Cincinnati Chamber of Commerce today, President Bush lashed out at the majority of Americans who do not support him as "...cowards bordering on traitors."...

WASHINGTON D.C. - Recently leaked visitor records from Vice President Cheney's office reveal a startling number of visits by Satan over the past six years. According to the records, the Vice President saw Satan more than 23 times since 2000.

Washington D.C. - An embarrassed White House admitted today that First Lady Laura Bush had been inadvertently left behind in the village of Iximche while touring Mayan ruins during the President's Latin American visit.

Central Islip, NY - (Ass Press): The defence attorney for a Hamptons Bay school which sacked specialist teacher Lauren Berrios has defended his client's complaint that her post was terminated because of witchcraft concerns.

Viewers of BBC1's Comic Relief Does Fame Academy have been stunned by the high standard of performances given by some of the celebrity participants on the show, but the singing prowess of one of the contenders should come as no s...

Fort Lauderdale - (DissassoCIAted Press): Ray Santilli is to publish his own autopsy probe into the death of Anna Nicole Smith after mass protests of an official cover-up by the Florida authorities about the starlet's mysterious death last month.

Forget size zero. Forget lollipop ladies. All that is so last week. Since Zoe Thin set size minus 4 - the so called 'string of pearls' - as the target for Beverley Hills fashionistas Kate Tiny has disappear...

Documents presented to The Spoof show that Saddam Hussein was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize last year. The documents, confirmed as genuine by experts, show that the executed former leader of Iraq was about to win the cov...

Gay rights groups in the US have complained and made slightly effete whinging sounds after the country's top military commander said he believed homosexual acts were a bit icky and the very thought of two men kissing made him want to miss...

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Speaking for the first time since the felony conviction of his top deputy Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney thanked the American-Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) for arranging the 9/11 attacks and supporting him in blaming Iraq...

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has rejected loud calls for him to resign. Instead, in a classic piece of political nastiness, he has blamed everything on the person under him, his Chief of staff Kyle Sampson.

Talk-show host and well known lesbian Rosie O'Donnell made headlines last week when she announced that she has suffered from depression for years. She then proceeded to use the stage on her show "The View" to demonstrate her method of...

VATICAN CITY -- Pope Benedict XVI has issued a statement reaffirming the church's traditional stances on remarriage and gay marriage, encouraging the return to the use of Latin in ceremonies, and calling on Catholic politicians to follow the chur...

Kermit the Frog announced on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno that he is running for president on the Green Party ticket. He knows that winning the presidency will be hard since he is running a Green Party candidate and although the green party is n...

During the venerable season of Lenten repentance, AskFrFred44Giveness is offering a two sins for one absolution special. You have only to confess half of your sins and the other half will be automatically 4Given.

LITTLE ROCK -- Arkansas Rep. Steve Harrelson has introduced a resolution to declare that the official way to form the possessive of the state is "Arkansas's." The dispute arises because different stylebooks have different usages for f...

"TweenTheCheeks" swim suit manufacturer and originator of the thong will be pushing the envelope between the butt cheeks this summer with the personalized butt plug. Hot mama's across the planet's beaches will be displaying the face...

In an unprecedented international trade, National Hockey League Long Islanders Chris "The Beheader" Simon has been traded to the British Islanders of the London Tower Hockey Association. Simon's twenty-five game suspension will be cance...

TEHRAN -- Iranian officials lashed out at Hollywood in the wake of the release of "300," an epic film depicting the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 B.C. "Hollywood declares war on Iranians" screamed the headline in the state-run ne...

Bush-Blair, the whacky twins of the Baghdad Sandbag, have each independently been diagnosed with "psycho-social or behavioral disorders" In a bizarre coincidence, 25% of the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi war veterans have had psychiatrists...