……Whatever you call it, late night urination is something a lot of us have to deal with as we get older. And sure, you’ve tried adult diapers, collection hoses, and irrigation canals, but they just leave you feeling soaked in your wallet and in your bed.

……So when Ned in accounting asked if we could come up with something to stop his constant and explosive bed wetting (Hi, Ned!), the boys in R&D got right on it. And what they came up with will astound you…

……Presenting the QUANTUM BLADDER, Stuff You Need’s answer to those nighttime visits from the Tinkle Fairy. This is a product that even an infant could use (Warning: Not for use by infants), but only one of S.Y.N.’s scientists trained in irrevocable string theory would even begin to understand.

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Bag of mostly water

……Contained within the cup-like insert are powerful quantinibulus forces that we couldn’t begin to get into here. All you need to know is that statistically, it works. When you slip the insert into your underwear, boxers or pajamas, you can sleep soundly knowing space-time has got your back. Simply pee as normal directly into the cup throughout the night; in the morning when you check your bed, there’s a 68.2% chance you’ll find it bone dry. You have to like those odds. And you can feel free to piss like a racehorse since the Quantum Bladder can imbibe an infinite amount of your golden shower.

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……Yes, never before have the powers of the nerdiest branch of mathematics ever produced something so useful. The Quantum Bladder: your way to a probability enhanced night’s sleep.

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……Note: Due to the variablization of quantum mechanics, Stuff You Need cannot legally be held responsible for those instances when the urine of all other users of the