Share May 10, 2002's comic on:

Transcript

Asok is half cyborg. He sits on the doctor's table and says, "My training CD went bad and brainwashed me to become a cyborg." The doctor responds, "Your insurance doesn't cover cosmetic surgery but you can game the system by jumping off the roof." Asok is on the roof, standing next to a man with intensely large ears. The man says to Asok, "I hear that the follow-up visits don't get any easier."

Share May 28, 2002's comic on:

Transcript

The Boss says to Ted, "Ted, your performance is excellent but I have to downsize you." Ted asks, "Why?" The Boss replies, "Our billing system is so defective that we haven't made any revenue in three months." Ted asks, "Why don't you fire the billing department?" The Boss responds, "I did... three months ago."

Share June 07, 2002's comic on:

Transcript

Catbert says to Dilbert, "The other engineers are complaining because you have a private office." Dilbert responds, "Maybe you should explain to each of them that life isn't fair." Dilbert is back in his old cubicle. He thinks, "Yeah, I guess it IS easier to explain it to one person."

Share October 09, 2003's comic on:

Transcript

The boss: "The management retreat in Hawaii was productive."
"We calculated how many employees we needed to downsize to pay for the trip."
Ted: "Don't blame me, Ted. I voted against the third helicopter ride."

Transcript

The Boss: "Alice, I want you to train Ned to do everything you do."
"Don't worry that it will make you redundant more easily downsizeable."
Alice: "I like to start each day by sending threatening e-mail to the board of directors."

Share January 15, 2005's comic on:

Transcript

Dilbert: "My computer is too slow. I need to upgrade it."
The Boss: "I need a cost benefit analysis including the cost of all alternatives, and vice president approval."
Dilbert: "It was easier to get a second job and pay for the upgrade myself."

Share August 05, 2005's comic on:

Transcript

Wally: "My accomplishments this month include complying with our ISO 9000, Sarbanes-Oxley and SEI-5 policies." "And if you make a new policy, I will comply with it so fast it will make your head spin!" "Is it my imagination or is pretending to work getting easier?"

Share January 04, 2007's comic on:

Transcript

The Boss: My doctor says it will be easier if I diet with a buddy. Do you want in on this?
Tina: Good lord. I think I just developed an eating disorder!
The Boss: They say the first 20 pounds are the easiest.
Tina: NOT HELPING!"

Share January 12, 2009's comic on:

Transcript

The Boss says, "We don't have enough money to fund your project, but I don't want to downsize you and shrink my empire." The Boss says, "I hired an acting coach to teach you how to hang around the office pretending to be useful." man says, "Are you dead or just non-expressive?" Dilbert says, "It's called a 'job'"