I loathe Kobe Bryant, the wife-cheating, Shaq-insulting, pouting pendejo who happens to star on my favorite NBA team. I do feel bad for his wife, Vanessa Laine Bryant, but she ain't no long-suffering gal, either (remember that massive diamond Bryant bought her after he schtupped some hotel worker?). She was a classmate of my sister's at St. Boniface Catholic School in Anaheim, and...well, let's leave my sister's memories away from the legal sphere, shall we? But most media accounts paint an unflattering portrait of the woman--the best was a short Esquire profile on Kobe that painted Vanessa as little better than a cross between Madonna and Gloria Swanson, but without any shred of talent other than bitching out reporters.

I digress. For a copy of Orange County: A Personal History: in what restaurant was Vanessa Laine Bryant recently seen enjoying a meal with her children? The only hint at this time is the latter part of the blind item. One restaurant per guess; Weeklings and Lakers employees not eligible.

Gustavo Arellano is the editor of OC Weekly, author of the syndicated column "¡Ask a Mexican!", and Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America. He started at the paper with an angry, fake letter to the editor and went from there—only in Anacrime!