What's the Right Age to Talk About the Birds and the Bees?

Hi Paula: I'm curious — at what age did you have the birds-and-the-bees talk with your kids? – k.l.

Would it surprise you to know I never had one big Talk with them? Talking to kids about sexuality is something that starts back when they're learning their body parts as a toddler and just keeps going on and on. Sometimes you answer questions (my all-time favorite: "Do babies come from the wedding or from the hospital?") and sometimes you impart a new piece of info in a mini-lecture. (News reports make a great springboard.) So let's just say I've been talking and I'm still talking.

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Talking can be hard, but it's good, researchers say. Today's parents tend to start way too late, according to a report in the January issue of the journal Pediatrics. A survey of middle- and upper-middle-class parents finds that parents underestimate kids' sexual interest, knowledge, and behavior. Yet they say opening communications about these topics really does help avoid disease and pregnancy, and promotes healthy relationships.

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Here are some good tips on talking to kids about sex and sexuality from a HealthDay report on the new study:

Figure that the age you think is appropriate is probably too old. Says one doc: "If parents think that they should broach the topic at x age, they should subtract two years and do it at that age instead."

Talk to your physician and scour resources from the Internet, libraries and schools about how to broach the subject and what to say.

Make sure your conversation is developmentally appropriate to the child. Talking about fellatio with a 6-year-old isn't; hand-holding, maybe. Talking about boys liking girls would be for kids 8 or 9 years. And by 12? You'd better get started saying something, the researchers say.