This could be a good story, but there are a couple of obstacles standing in your way. First, you have a lot of run-on sentences. If you find that you're using three or more commas in a sentence, that's probably too much. Read your story out loud to catch this sort of thing. Second, you have a lot of typos - "there" instead of "their," "strait" instead of "straight," and a few missing apostrophes. Again, proofread.

As for the story, writing from an alien perspective is very difficult, but if you try I have no doubt you can pull it off. Just proofread a bit next time._________________