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IT'S A BIG DEAL.

IF SINGLE: DEATH.

Draw the curtains. On this fated day, the fourteenth of February, it is pure darkness. Only one thing is certain in this life: we are born alone, and we die alone. So leave me be. Valentine’s Day is for the lovers, and I am of the night. I picked up my death shroud from the dry cleaners last week, and posted a very goth selfie in preparation for this macabre holiday. Oh, cruel fate. Why must those Sweetheart candies be so tasty.

IF COUPLED UP: SEX.

Is that a Valentine’s Day card or are you just happy to see me? Scorpio views Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to reach new sexual heights. The Scorpio lover has been Googling the latest kinky toys and positions for weeks, and on this holiday, the art of seduction is key. For Scorpios in relationships, this is a chance to explore the erotic side of intimacy. Roses and chocolates are nice, but they’re even better when paired with some handcuffs and blindfolds.