Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Secrets Can be Funny - Even the Dark Ones

I am fairly confident in saying that every new mom who stays home with newborns has these feelings. And multiply that by two, and you have this dark dark shit that you feel guilty about feeling. GUESS WHAT? I'm talking about it. I'm alone. This is about the loneliest I've ever felt, save for being a hopeless drunk. It's completely different, mind you, but it's lonely nonetheless. I'm on my own here during the day with two little beings, who while incredibly cute do nothing but SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF ME. Literally and metaphorically. My bewbies are drained and pumped so hard, they are pretty much indented. While yes, we are incredibly grateful for these two precious gifts, CHRIST ON A BICYCLE they are exhausting and soul sucking.

They are also soul affirming when they smile or do something funny, like fartcrying - which is just what it sounds like. Fart-cry Fart-cry Fart-cry. It's HILARIOUS. You know, when a baby does it. Not adults so much. Have some pride. My dear sweet dumpster husband coined this term, HASHTAG FARTCRY (#fartcry). Let's make it rain on Twitter, y'all.

There's a lot of crying in the Dumpster House lately. Babies and Mommy cry. Sometimes at the same time, sometimes separately while mommy is in the shower she cries. AND GUESS WHAT? That is perfectly ok! We all gotta get that shit out!

I'm using online AA Meetings like they are a fucking life jacket right now. A LIFE JACKET. AA and meetings keep me sane. Keep me sober. Keep me connected. I need that now more than ever. I'm connected with other moms. Other multiple moms. And it helps. It really does, HOWEVER.......

Sure you say, hey Katy, you are going out and having visitors and a wonderful family and support system and have a fantastic completely wonderful husband, so doesn't that help with the loneliness? Well, of COURSE it does. But you know what we drunks need? OTHER DRUNKS. I am saying all this here and I trust that you all will relate and not judge me. That is what I do with other drunks. They get it. They get the deep dark loneliness that we can feel sometimes. We are able to climb back out together if we acknowledge ALL THE FEELINGS.

Finding people we connect with is critical. Drunks or not. People we trust and that will have our backs when we call crying or write a text that says something like, "HOLY SHIT THESE BABIES ARE BEING ASSHOLES TODAY" and not think you aren't so fucking grateful for them is CRITICAL.

There are more feelings now than I've ever had in my life. And they are good and bad and don't have to define me or what I'm going through. It's simply admitting that they are there and getting them out in the open and dealing with them that lessen their power. I am NOT ALONE. You are not alone.

These two don't have any secrets. Everything they feel is right out in the open. I'm kind of jealous.

"Don't
tell Mommy, but let's demand simultaneous feedings every time today!
That will make her lose her shit! No rest for the weary, and GO!"

Here's the thing. In the end, if we can laugh at ourselves and have people in our lives who we open up to that MAKE US LAUGH about all this, it can save us on a daily basis. It's all so minute, it's all so small, my world right now. It's babies. Every day, all day. AND THAT IS ISOLATING. I have to keep connected or I'm done for. This is the shit that keeps me sober and laughing and grateful every damn day.

Thank YOU for reading and sharing and helping me every damn day. I hope I'm doing the same for you.

64 comments:

THANK YOU --- so many people want motherhood to be all sunshine and roses and laughing babies but sometimes it's sad and scary and lonely and you cry in the shower till you puke. And we need to talk about it so that the next mom doesn't think "I'm the worst mom ever for feeling this way, no one else does!" - it's totally normal and part of the experience! Blessings to you and your littles! I love y'all way more than is probably sane for a stranger to love somebody. Not in a stalker-y way tho. Cuz that would require putting on real pants.

You're doing an amazing job and we're all proud of you. Your posts are so funny and I look forward to seeing new updates from you in FB. They make my day. Sounds like you might be having a bout of post-partum depression. Perfectly normal, and just be patient with yourself as it thankfully doesn't last forever. And in the meantime, you have a lot of peeps rooting for you!

This is part of why so many relate and love you SO, so much. You aren't afraid to say what you are feeling. Thank you for giving us another peek into your life and, no doubt, helping others who are feeling the same way and don't know how to cope with it.

They smile and laugh when we need it most. Usually when we are ready to throw in the towel. I am so happy for you and your babies! And use all the resources you can! I called my counselor in the middle of the night once, to ask her a question about babies (she has 4) and she ended up keeping me on the phone long enough for my brain to calm down.

I.Love. You. My kids are all teens now, but I remember the isolation...the entire world revolving around another human...it was amazing and wonderful and all those words people EXPECT you to say, but, it is also lonely. Honestly I'd never felt more lonely. I applaud your honesty. Too many people have blinders on.

Hi Just so you know most moms do feel just like you. I went through inf=vitro with no sucess but then ended up fostering 4 babies and adopting 2 babies in the 90's. To our surprise we had a baby girl in 2003. As blessed as I felt - I was lonely, tired, felt drained and on an emotional rollercoaster. Take all the help you can et - then ask for more. Nothing wrong with it. See friends, go on dates with daddy - even if you bring the babies. Enjoy every smile burp and fart. Soon, you will have giggles and dancing. I love your posts. Know you are not alone.( Most moms just dont want to admit it).<3 Karen

YES YES YES! I am luckily not an addict (though my family history would indicate HIGH risk for it) and don't have that extra struggle. But I look back at my newborn times and this is it EXACTLY. It was the happiest and the darkest time of my life! I have said several times I would have a gaggle of kids if someone would take them from birth to 12 months. SO DAMN HARD. And no one wants to say how hard it is or how soul-sucking it is. We all have to be Donna Reed or something and plaster a smile on our face and talk about the rainbows and unicorns that exist in the land of motherhood. And it's not all that. We all owe it to the mothers that come after us to be honest and prepare each other for how much work it is. It's worth it, but it is HARD. And we need to support each other. And listen when mom needs to cry, or vent, or walk away for 5 minutes.

That being said - I hope that you (all you new moms here) are getting the support and help you need. And don't be afraid to go for formal help if needed. I didn't with my first and really struggled with depression. Had to be so watchful with my second, but had learned my lessons. IT'S OK TO GET HELP - in whatever form works for you.

I firmly believe the higher being gave babies #fartcry to keep us from strangling them. They are cute for a reason, people.

Man was this refreshing to read. I stay at home with my 13 month old, and the loneliness is so true, but my husband doesn't get it. I'm not a drunk, but a gambler, and because I didn't get to meetings when she was a newborn, I fell right back into the gambling and into trouble. Good for you for making that effort to do the online meetings, and hang in there mama! Baby amusement just doesn't substitute for adult company.

Ummmmm...you're still unbelievably fucking hot, even WITH indented bewbies. Never doubt that. I wish I lived closer~ I would watch those little #fartcry-ers every weekday for 90 minutes so you could go to your meeting with real drunks, not just online drunks <3 YOU ARE NOT ALONE and IT DOES GET BETTER. I promise. Just do what Wilson Phillips suggests and hold on for one more day. Hooooooooooold on.

In the rooms I don't fear being judged and need to be able to just let it all out there, the feelings and wow thats not right shit I do because I'm a drunk and all that. The outs (people out of the rooms) very rarely find my antics laughable which is why being IN the rooms is essential. I completely understand where you are coming from and you must believe you are ROCKING this sober thing. Doing what it takes and loving even the not so great shit. You help me keep my perspective 8 out of 7 days a week! Thank you for that and just keep swimming. (in my worst Dory voice)

Thanks Katy for saying exactly how it is, no frills no fuss. just all the fart/cry and puke, but then the sun comes out when they smile n sleep. the heaviness drains away and finally you can relax, right? wrong, cos other stuff looks at you right in the eye and says hey buster remember me? I had 5 children, 1 girl, 4 boys and I love them to bits, but there were times when I felt I'd bitten off more than I could chew....and yeah I had a lot of psycho help - no I'm not nuts, or barmy or depressed but I was back then, hormonal, anxiety, and family orientated stuff, plus abuse all amalgamated to make me not believe in myself as much as I should.Theyre grown ups now with their own babies/children/adults! wow where has all that time gone? I miss ya know that? Teeny tiny coffee cup back at you's too lady, keep the wit flowing, and the shit going. x

It's a never ending job, being a mum/mom (however you want to spell it depending on your country ;) )

As a mother of 4 (yes, FOUR!!) special needs kids, there are days when life is "too hard", and then there a "jealousy" days, where you wish you had the freedom and carefree life of your children, and that you had it as easy as they do.Connecting with other mums is not only beneficial, it is ESSENTIAL!I would be in a very dark hole if it wasn't for my amazing friends and support networks.

So long as your remember that you are doing a great job (which you are!! I take my hat off to all parents of multiple birth babies)Have a cup of strong coffee, do a spazz dance, and continue on with your awesome work ;)

Katy. I heart you. So so so incredibly much! I'm right about 28w pregnant with my b/g di/di twins and I told my husband last night that I'm afraid I'll get lost once the babies come. He asked what I meant. I told him I was afraid that I would be stuck at home (I also have a 2 y/o daughter) with three kids while he would be at work and I would just get lost and lonely. He promised me he wouldn't let that happen. I love that man. But I know the lost/lonely feeling is just around the corner and i'm dreading it...

Love you Katy!! Thank you so much for sharing. I was beginning to feel like it was only me. I don't have a lot of people to share with. Only one actually, and even she doesn't really get it. I have an addictive personality too. I am addicted to food and shopping. I am trying really hard to get in shape and eat better for me and my son. I am trying REALLY hard to control the shopping. I have found that by working out on my lunch break, I dont give myself the opportunity to shop as much. Still I feel alone in my struggles. Thank you for reaching out. We are not alone, We are not alone...I just have to keep reminding myself... <3 <3 <3

Spot on! I have never felt so isolated as when I was home alone with my first baby. No family in town; friends were working; husband at work. Just me, five cats, and one cute but squalling baby. What a mixed bag. FULL of love and misery! I used to call my husband at the crack of 6pm and scream, "WHY ARE YOU NOT HOME YET I AM LOSING MY MIND HERE!!!!". Sigh! It gets better!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) You are not alone, my dear.

That is the best advice I received when I became a new mom. My son is 15 months now, and i still remind myself of those four amazing words. Because it really does. The bad gets easier. The up-all-nighters less frequent. Sick babies get better.

Just wanted to pass on something that helped me get through my days, especially the tougher ones.

Oh Katy, I feel you. I just had my first baby 5 days ago and then the shit hit the fan, my fiancé lost his job THE NEXT DAY and yet I'm so terrified of being alone with my little baby that I'm sooo glad he's here all the time with me. The feelings are crazy! It's unbelievable.

Welcome to Mommyhood! You know, those dark feelings of motherhood are like chin whiskers to a pre-menopausal woman. No mentions them, and you hide in your bathroom in shame silently plucking. One day, someone gets uber frustrated and gripes about them, and you realize Surprise, everyone gets them!

Every parent has those dark moments but they are rarely acknowledged. Some act like they don't, but anyone who says parenting is all good, especially during the colic, teething, eat, poop, pee, sleep, scream phase, is a big fat liar. My boys are 18 and 13 and the one phrase that has kept me going is "This too shall pass". And I promise you, it will. The dark feelings will still exist, but the reasons will continuously morph so everything stays fresh and interesting, thus helping you save your sanity. Sooner than you'd think (and not as soon as you'd wish sometimes!) you'll be me, looking around wondering where your babies are hiding and who the hell these giants standing next to you are. But in the meantime, feel free to vent. I, for one, wouldn't hold anything against you. I sincerely doubt you'd say or think anything worse than what I've already done. :-)

When my twins were infants, I used to cry in the mornings because I had been up all night and ANOTHER DAY WAS STARTING. They're almost 5 now, so I think I lived through it. Sometimes I'm still not sure how. It IS so isolating because so few know what you are going through as a mom of multiples, and as a mom of multiples that's also a recovering alcoholic, well, definitely even less people know what you are going through.

Also, FYI simultaneous feeding are the shit. Get that double football hold down and do it, mama!

The Dark Days are the worst! Thank you for allowing us to acknowledge that by your brave admission! You are loved and supported by sooooo many people. Hang in there Momma, the #fartcry is just the beginning. There is so much more funny and fun to be had. The Dark Days do end. Lots of love and respect for the bewbies!

I love you so much! And I am so glad you put this out there. You aren't alone in your aloneness...

When I a had my kiddos, there wasn't a big thing on blogging being so accessible, there wasn't this widespread social media thing. There was email...but you sounded whiney when using it. Or I got a lot of unsolicited advice. Thru the day...there was nothing. Although it was lovely bonding time, it was also painstaking. All at once...all those feels like a giant rolling meatball collecting moss on its roll.

And my darkness didn't help things either...it escalated the feels that I couldn't share...except with my hubby...who probably thought I was crazy.

You, sweet Katy, keep doing what you do. You do it well & you are doing great! With the crazy feels, the loneliness...the meetings...the everything you need to so you can stay afloat!

Where were you years ago when I was feeling that isolation and loneliness........oh that's right, computers & internet weren't big back then, and there was no Facebook or blogging. I so wish there had been. My girls are about grown now but when my first was born I was 19. 20 months later I had my second girl. Although I was so very grateful & so in love with my babies I felt the yuck stuff too. No one ever talked about it though. Even when I was around other mothers, everyone avoided it. And I never understood why. Now that my babies are 17 and 19 I can say that over the years you still get those feelings. And I am so happy you are talking about them!!!! More women need to get those feelings out. More women need to realize its perfectly normal to love your children with all you are, but also be ready to strangle them too. Thank you for your honesty. If your half as honest with those beautiful babies your gonna be a kickass mom!!!!!

I remember those feelings so well. I wish I would have reached out more when i was in that place. I wish I would have taken a part time job doing something - anything - to just get away for a few hours a day. I remember being at a luncheon for moms who were going to be parent support volunteers for a disabilities group and I was shocked when each person around the table shared a story of visualizing doing harm to their babies. each and every person. Those hormones are some tricky fuckers and talking through it - while it helps - isn't always enough. I also remember an epiphany i had (in the shower, of course - when's the last time you took a shower btw) - about at the 6 weeks mark. i was trying to nurse then pumping and then feeding the pumped milk, and by the time you're done with that it's time to pump again - and round and round we went - exhausting. and I was like 'look - just start giving him some formula and buy yourself some sanity.' It seemed so obvious then - why had i been killing myself? cause I just had it in my head that i was gonna nurse and that was the right thing to do - but here he had been born with a disability which made everything more difficult - especially for me psychologically - and i was unable to adjust cause i was too sleep-deprived to think straight. After that decision things got a little easier - i stopped worrying about him gaining weight and got a little more sleep and other decisions got easier because of it. You might be A-OK with the whole nursing thing but I'm just saying there might be some solutions you just can't see clearly cause you're too close to it and so sleep-deprived. If outings help, just schedule yourself up with playdates and meetings and twins group people and visits and lunchdates and museum visits... Whatever it is that helps, lean into that. Hang in there,

From one IVF mom to another...I getcha. Crying in the shower was my only escape. I felt like such an ass whining to my friends as they wanted the option to even be in the position to have kids. You certainly are not alone. If you were in KC or I in Chi town we would have an outing where you could play on the swings and I wojld push the strollers of kiddos for us. Pick up the book Operating Instructions by Ann Lamont. She wrote words that made me feel human about my love/hate of mothering. Cheers!

Love you! I spent weeks ugly crying after each baby. I discovered social networking as a way of keeping some sort of contact with the outside world after Hurricane was born and we retreated from the world and all our friends with all their perpetually snotty and feverish children for fear of yet another hospital visit. Fuck RSV. But it is hard and lonely. Babies take and take and take and then they become kids who take and take and take and THAT is why I firmly believe we have screwed ourselves over as a culture by promoting and encouraging the nuclear family. We're not supposed to do this in isolation, we're supposed to have a community of other families and relatives to help us and share the burdens. Long live hippie communes!

Oh my GAWDS honey, we have ALL been where you are. Babies, they suck the life out of you. This is the truth. I had one at a time and it was exhausting so I can not even begin to imagine what it is like with two. YOU are amazing and I am SO PROUD of you and this post. It is amazing and beautiful and honest. Also all things that I love about you. Love it, love you, love those babies.

Soul sucking and soul affirming. YOU NAILED IT WITH THAT ONE. A blessing and a curse. Hardest job you'll ever love. blah. blah. blah. ALL OF IT IS TRUE. The good and the bad, and the effing ugly. Being a parent changes EVERYTHING. You will never be NOT responsible for someone else ever again. It scares the shit out of me every day. BUT MAN, those kisses, hugs, and I wuv you's are soooooooooo effing AWESOME - just wait until you get to that point Katy - INDESCRIBABLE. Pray for more good days then bad days but take them as they come. No judgement here - JUST LOVE!

Mom of twins myself. They are 6 now and it was the same for me. They don't ever stop competing for your attention, ever. I was with an abusive person and had no help, day or night, and I had to go back to work at 3 months and still got up every night by myself. It was very hard. One day at a time, and those babies are worth it. Definite form of entertainment. Got to laugh it off!! It gets better

My third boy is five months old and my oldest son will be 5 years next week, then there's this 2-year-old in the middle. I am a stay-at-home mom and I work three evenings a week in order to be able to continue to shovel food down their throats 7 times a day. I used to teach high school English and analyze Shakespeare all day; now I idolize Elmo. Thankfully, I have a friend who has three girls the same age as my three sons. We randomly text each other about once a week with whatever craziness the kids are putting us through. I swear someone would call 911 or DCF if they ever read our texts, but we do it to survive. And our kids are healthy (as healthy as snot-faced kids can be) and happy (when they have snacks in their hands) and we get through the day. Daddy is not allowed to stop for gas on the way home on some days, but we make it through. This shit ain't easy! I am thankful for my friend, and people like you who put it all out there and remind us that this is hard work and not always as beautiful and pleasant as people make it out to be. Just know you're not alone!

I so get it! Although I only had one baby, I completely understand that isolated, lonely feeling. Now I'm a single mother and my "baby" is 5 1/2 years old...and I still feel isolated and lonely, but on a different level. But reading the stories of other moms, with similar or different stories, makes me feel connected and understood. Thank you for your honesty and humor. I'm trying to dip my foot in the blogging pool, even if it's just for myself. I find typing like a fool and "vomiting" all of it into a page of words helps immensely. Good luck...God Bless and keep your posts coming. They're more helpful than you know.

I was a SAHM of 2 boys, one of the autistic for 13 years. (I just went back to work a month ago) and Darlin, you are so right about the loneliness. Even on the days you're feeling pretty good if you look behind you it's there waiting to suck you in like a big fucking black hole. The only way to keep it at bay is to acknowledge it and always always reach out. Online, in person, by phone, whatever you gotta do. Don't pretend it's not there or it will devour you. And those moments of complete joy that come along occasionally, the pure bliss, immerse yourself in those moments so totally they become a second skin because nothing helps in the dark moments more than knowing there is a joyous one just around the corner. You are seriously amazeballs!!!

being a mom is almost as hard as being a baby. Can you imagine what it must be like to have your brain grown so fast?! Hang in there! Soon they will giggle in tandem just because you crossed you eyes. You will go to get them from their crib @ 5am half asleep and they will smile at you. Just the sweetest smile. The most in love with mommy smile!

I totally remember Day 11 in particular as a cry fest. My kids are 15 months apart and the thought of feeding two at the same time fills me with exhaustion for YOU. I didn't drink; but I did eat myself to oblivion. Equally not pretty. Crying is status quo.

My kids are now 15 and quite nearly 17. Despite how trite it sounds, "blink" and they're driving.

Some of the loneliest days of my life were when I was alone pumping and feeding my baby. My husband would leave for work and say goodbye Dairy Queen and I was left with this high needs preemie that couldn't talk back. I cried in the shower, I cried pushing the stroller, I cried in the mall. I always forced myself to smile when I looked at my son. It got better. Way better. Hang in there K-k-k-Katy!

Once again, my love, you have reduced me to tears. After both of my daughters were born I suffered terrible postpartum depression. I was lonely as hell, didn't have a program, didn't have anyone other than my husband that knew what was going on because I refused to let people in. After all, what kind of mother would admit that she just wanted the baby to shut the hell up and stop crying sometimes? What kind of mother would sit and try to figure out how to kill herself without having it affect the baby? What kind of mother could possibly hate nursing the baby because it hurt like hell? I was terrified to admit any of this out loud. I didn't know how to feel all the feelings. I was afraid that I'd say something less than positive and I'd get a lecture about how grateful I should be and what a terrible person I was for thinking anything less.

I wish I had known you back then. I wish I had your blog back then. I honestly think I wouldn't have suffered the way I did. You have the guts to say the things I dared not utter. It was easy to be a drunk and talk about the stupid stuff I did, but for some reason I couldn't talk about what being a mother was doing to me. Each time I read your blog or a post about feeling all the feelings I silently cheer for you. I think, "That's right, Katy. You GOT THIS!"

Thank you, Katy and to each of you who have shared here. Such a beautiful forum of love, respect, compassion and hope. Each of you, through your kind words, remind me that good people still exist in this crazy world. Lots of love to each of you!

YOu are awesome!! Nothing feels better than crying in the shower and getting all those shit out of your system! I can so relate to this... And Heck yeah! we all need that someone who can make us laugh about all the things that make us feel like crap.. I've been feeling so confined and so alone these days.. and I've been longing to find someone who can understand me.. guess, this is my lucky day! :D shit comes and goes.. hold on girl! your babies will always be the greatest gift. and every smile they give you makes every little thing worth the while.. ;)

Ive said it before, Im a sober Mom too,clean, dry,straight, what ever way we say it, it means we have our thinking caps back on, in our world, the thinking caps can bring memories and not so happy thoughts, especially when our hormones are raging already! The #! is to talk, talk to DH, sponsors, AA, church (if your religious) and dont forget US> We love ya and have your back Katy..clean 11 years, wife, mother friend :)

I have NEVER felt so alone as when I first had Miss A. Home with a colicky baby all day, every day and a husband who really didn't want either one of us. I SO understand the Joy and Frustration that is newborns. Good on you for saying how you feel to the WORLD!! Feel all the Feels Hunny. They are yours, and they are not wrong. As always, love, love, LOVE YOU!!!

You are not only "not alone" you have amazing strength for sharing our emotions. I m a mother of 3, very spaced out, kids (hmmmm... Spaced out seems derogatory what I mean is many years between and since I have a teen, a preteen, and a preschooler spaced out is not too far off the mark) I had intense post partum depression and intense guilt because of it. I am not an addict but I am mentally ill... The one thing I know is that no one can relate to the merry-go-round that is recovery as much as someone who has taken a few too many spins. Thank you for sharing and helping normalize what too many of us moms fear....

While they aren't babies anymore (15 year old daughter and 8 year old son) I still feel ALL those feelings. I love my children to death, but some days they are just assholes. And other days they totally rock my world. They can both still make me cry in the shower. But, that's the joys of being the mom.

Hi! I am ten weeks post-partum, and I can tell you with confidence that IT GETS BETTER! Just this past week, my little guy started sleeping on a more regular schedule, and he FINALLY smiles and acknowledges my existence. These two things alone have really helped mitigate the loneliness and general insanity that I felt every day. Hang in there!

Love this post! You have given voice to all Moms who have shared these feelings at some point in their Mothering experience. What a great example of hard honesty that hurts no one even when sharing hard stuff! Thank you!

This is one of my very favorites of your posts, Katy. The loneliness sucks total ass, but the experience and the rewards are so worth it. Can you imagine not having the internets while being at home with the two dumplings? #fartcry for the win!

Nope, you are not alone... I get it! good for you --letting it out. I kept my shit locked in because I thought after all that I had been through to have babies I had no 'right' to 'feel' --ugh. The Guilt was awful. I felt lonely, and at times could not stand to be touched. The goodnews --it opened the door to a whole new kind of healing. Hugs to ya. :)

Oh, man. I wish I could've read this post 3.5 years ago, when I was full of love but also of despair, and wouldn't leave the house lest something happen to my little guy. The first six to eight weeks were so, so hard; then something happened, and the balance shifted more toward joy. It was heartbreaking to drop Li'l D off at daycare at ten weeks, but oh man, it felt so good to go back to work and be connected with adults. Thinking of you with lots of love.

Good Lord woman. I SOOO wish I could've read this when I was feeling & going through all those same things. You think you can't acknowledge those feelings, that you have to keep them all bottled up inside because you shouldn't be feeling them anyway. That's so not the case. Thank you for sharing. Its so nice to know you're not alone <3

About Me

A sporadic offering of the hilarity and clumsiness that is my wonderful life. I'm a Proud Grateful Drunk, sober since October 4, 2001. I haven't eaten anything with a face in 21 years - but I'm not a dick about it. I married the love of my life when after a long search we found each other - again. I am an animal rights activist and tend to be a Man Repeller. Coffee is now the ONLY VICE I HAVE LEFT. No alcohol and doing my best to stay quit with the smokes. These fucking babies better be worth it. God Dammit. The blog is called I want a Dumpster baby because my husband and I tried to have a baby and didn't have much luck. Let's just say it’s been a challenge. I love rescue animals and I would love a rescue baby the same way. Also, it’s way cheaper to find a dumpster baby than adoption and in-vitro. So it’s a joke, but really not at all. UPDATE - We have had success with in-vitro and had our first babies - a boy and a girl - TWINS - on January 7, 2013! So Exciting! We call them Hall & Oates, because we love Hall & Oates and think it's perfect. Hall is the girl because he's the pretty one.