Sore eyes

I am sitting here with a sore back and a pounding head. My heart is being squeezed and each breathe is like breathing thru a straw. Ok that usually means I have to read the bible and ask God to open my heart to something else I am supposed to hear.

Ugh…no more! I just want to be normal and have my house and puppies and my Andy back.

So I pulled out a sheet of paper that had some versus written down for me, I was procrastinating reading them. I started with Acts 9 and it talked about the story of Saul and how his eyes were opened to the suffering he caused. A disciple was sent to him to open those tightly closed eyes.

Then I went to Luke 1 and I got the words “For no work from God will ever fail”

Then I went to Isaiah 6 and the words “Your guilt is taken away”

“Be ever hearing, but never UNDERSTANDING

Be ever seeing, but never PERCEIVING

Make the heart of the people calloused. Make their ears dull and close their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn and be healed.”

Very interesting.. Not everyone wants to listen because their hearts are hardened.

“For how long Lord?”

“Until the cities lie ruined and without inhabitants.

Until the houses are left deserted and the fields ruined and ravaged”.

It seems that it can take utter destruction, removal of everything, and loss of huge magnitude to Open ones eyes to healing. Again a big ‘Hmm’ from me as I see the pieces coming together. Only after losing everything can you get something back or be willing to listen.

Then I went to Exodus 3.. Story of Moses and God’s concern for the suffering of his people. So maybe God is concerned about those suffering from Cancer and sickness. God said He was sending Moses but Moses said, “Who am I that I should go?”

The final icing on the cake was when I flipped back to Acts and read in chapter 16 about a certain lady I never heard of. The footnotes had the words ‘Successful Business Woman’ pop right off the page at me. I had to read more since I like to think I have been successful in my career. The lady’s name was Lydia, it is speculated that she was a WIDOW. Lydia insisted on giving hospitality to Saint Paul and his companions in Philippi. She was a spiritual searcher all her life and she was willing to listen and respond. God responded to her quest with more truth. She then listened to Paul talk and became “the first ‘European’ Christian convert.

Do you see the connection?? Paul is also known as Saul and he had his eyes opened up by a disciple who showed him the suffering. If that hadn’t happened than a business woman named Lydia wouldn’t have found her answers.

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Sometimes you just have to have your eyes opened.

Sometimes it takes a great loss in your life.

Sometimes you lose it all to gain more.

And

Sometimes it takes a leap of faith to believe again…

Sometimes you have to listen even if it hurts.. even if it will be hard.. and even if it goes against everything you think is sane and secure.

Eek…what does that mean for me? Has this been one huge jigsaw puzzle coming together? Was all my time married my stage of blindness? Enjoying happiness with Andy and living a life of comfort until Cancer came along and took it all away. Now in order to find peace I have to decide which road to take….security in what I have known all my adult life…or security in what is unfamiliar to me?