"Braum: Welcome to Braum’s Game Night, friends! Tonight, we play Castles and Cows: Journey to Thy Golden Mustache!

Varus: This sounds like something you literally just made up.

Braum: What? Of course not. I learned this tabletop role-playing game from...uh… my mother….Enough talk! Now we create our characters.

Gragas: I want to be an archer who was cursed by an ancient evil monster thing!

Varus: That’s...but you can’t….Braum, help me out here.

Braum: Let the puny purple man have his bows. You can be a traveling cleric who raises his hands to the sky and treats the sun with respect.

Gragas: Can I get drunk?

Braum: Uh….sure!

Ryze: I will be a wizard with great power, carrying with me an enchanted tome and a magical scroll.

Varus: You just described yourself.

Ryze: Wrong. My beard, it will be...WHITE!

Braum: And I will be the strongest, bravest knight in all the land. People will love me and I will have infinity friends and all the princesses will be like: “Ohhh Braum Lionheart, you’re so brave and handsome. Take me to the royal dance.” But I’ll be like: “Princesses please, I serve the weak and defenseless. I have no time for royal dances.”

Varus: ...Uh,what just happened there?

Ryze: Braum, I’m starting to think you made this game up too.

Braum: ….*Rolls dice*....Oh look at that! A giant dragon is attacking a nearby village. We should stop talking about everything else and go deal with that. Like, now.