Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate.

Breaking Dawn Part 1: Good Stuff in a Bad Movie

This is your first and only spoiler alert. The books been out for over a year, and it’s not like I’m spoiling the ending of The Usual Suspects anyway. Please continue to read at your own caution.

I will start by saying this movie was not made for me. I am not in the demographic. I am not the target audience. The screeching, screaming, Team Jacob/Edward t-shirts, and conversations digesting the book over and over again made contrast between me and the Twilight fans especially telling.

So how was the movie? It depends on who you ask = we’ll get to that later. First, I want to give the men who will be drug to movie theaters something to hang on to. Here are a few Breaking Dawn gems that will keep you entertained:

The first part of the movie has a segment where Edward (Robert Pattinson) tells Bella (Kristen Stewart) how he rebelled when he was first turned, and went out to hunt on his own. Wait. What? He killed humans? Why did it take us so long to get here? The next 90 seconds was an awesome sequence of Edward dressed like The Great Gatsby hunting people down and drinking their blood. Not only did I wish that scene was 30 minutes long, I would watch a whole movie about Edward Cullen’s early years. We have to make this happen.

The hottest vampire in the movie is Rosalie played by Nikki Reed. Don’t worry, I’ll give you a second to Google image her. Welcome back! I admit that I never bought into the Bella hype. We are four movies in, and I still don’t see the appeal. Now you want to talk about someone Edward should be spending his nights with, look no further than Rosalie. Even when they try and make her look like a coldblooded vampire, she still warms my heart. Why don’t we have Team Rosalie? I want to join.

Bill Burke’s performance as Charlie Swan is great. He holds his own as the movies only funny bone. He’s always right on time with a witty response, or hilarious “dad” looks on his face. He even steals the scene with his hilarious wedding speech.

Back to the original question – How was the movie? The movie is great for people who love the Twilight series. Their assessment would be very different from mine. They love ever little nuance from the book, all the sappy Bella and Edward scenes, and of course the long awaited wedding.

As for me, I thought the film was insanely hilarious for all the wrong reasons. I laughed, laughed, and laughed some more. Bella looking like a pregnant zombie had me in tears. When they handed Bella the cup of blood in a Styrofoam cup like it was syzzurrup made me chuckle. The Wolfpack scene when all the wolves were talking got a big laugh out of me too. Sidenote: None of those scenes are suppose to be funny.

Then there’s Drake-ob. I refuse to call him Jacob ever again. How he chased after Bella was unacceptable. I know he had Drake’s Marvin’s Room playing in his head during the whole movie. So Drake-ob doesn’t seem to know his place the entire movie. There was the inappropriate dancing at the wedding. You can dance with my wife, but don’t caress her like that. The way he strolled in the Cullen’s home like he owned the place was incredibly disrespectful. You don’t walk into my house and ask for my wife without speaking to me. I was disappointed Drake-ob spent the whole movie crying over a woman who was married AND pregnant with her first child. She’s clearly moved on. It’s time for him to check out of Marvin’s Room.

I can’t even begin to start on the “imprinting”. way to creep out casual Twilight watchers. That whole scene was a little too disturbing for my taste.

Fans of Breaking Dawn will absolutely love this film. This movie is filled with everything they want to see and all the love triangle they can handle. No matter what I like or dislike, the Twilight series has been an unstoppable teen rom-com since the first movie began shooting. Next stop, Breaking Dawn Part 2. –

Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate.