Friday, 27 November 2015

Ils ne passeront pas-s words

Passwords are a fucking
nightmare. Everything about them is unbeautiful, not least the fact
that they are totally un-fucking-necessary. Why, when I want to buy a
bag of budgie seed online do I need to create and remember a password
(along, of course, with details of my age, sexual orientation and
inside-leg measurement)?

And just look at their
instructions: it must be more than x but less than y letters in
length; it must contains at least one capital letter; and - the
noirest of my bȇtes
- it must (or must not) contain characters like !@£$%^&*.
They make this demand and then they monitor your effort,
condescendingly telling you your choice is weak, moderate or,
grudgingly, adequate. Then, just when the budgie seed seems to be
within your grasp at last, they ask you to create and answer two
questions that give hints to your password if you should lose or
forget it. Let's say your password is T6raVolt&6.
What two questions would bring that to mind? Exactly.

And, to tear the last
shred from your disintegrating morale, come the exhortations that you
should [a] never use the same password for different sites; [b]
change your password regularly; [c] never write your passwords down.
So, if like me, your needs go beyond an occasional pack of red
millet, you could, in theory, have 20-30 passwords, ALL DIFFERENT,
not written down anywhere, and in any case destined to be replaced
every few months, capitals, hieroglyphs and all. Well,
fuk&-th6t
for a g§me 0v
solDieRz!