The Force of Kindness

Hearing Sharon Salzberg’s talk in Albany a short time ago prompted me to return to her books I have and give them a another look. I was drawn to her book that comes with an audio CD titled “The Force of Kindness: Change Your Life with Love and Compassion.”

I work as an educator in a health care setting. Recently I have been noticing more and more articles about workplace bullying and hostility. Many of the articles are about nurses but almost every article mentions that this is not something confined to nursing; it is just more difficult to accept because nursing is a caring profession. This week I subscribed to an online course that talked about ending bullying and hostile behavior in the workplace. So when I saw Sharon’s book on my shelf it seemed so relevant.

I like that she choose the word FORCE in her title; kindness as a FORCE.

I have written before in this blog about a trip I took several years ago to Auschwitz for a week long retreat and it was my privilege to be able to talk with survivors of the camp while I was there. Among their stories there was always one relating how a small act of kindness gave someone the will to go on or even saved a life. A morsel of food, a gentle touch, a look of compassion meant so very much. Someone once told me, “A smile could save a life.”

Sharon writes in her book:”And we must realize, if tomorrow is going to look any better than today, that the currency for compassion isn’t what someone does right or wrong-it is the very fact that that person exists. Commitment to the possibility of kindness cannot be discarded as foolish or irrelevant, even in troubling times when we often can’t find easy answers. If we abandon the force of kindness as we confront cruelty we won’t learn anything to take into tomorrow—”

It is not always easy to open ourselves to feel compassion for those we don’t like or who do things we don’t like. Our hearts most often feel closed and guarded. If you can do no more than look at someone and see them, as the Dalai Lama teaches, as someone who wants not to suffer, you have made a positive change for yourself and everyone else. We don’t want to suffer, they don’t want to suffer and that one thing can be where we find common ground. It is up to you where that leads. Even if it is only that small shift; it will help you as well.

Self- compassion is the foundation of compassion for others. Wishing ourselves well before we wish others the same is not selfish it is necessary. Sharon suggests practicing with the traditional phrases of loving kindness:

May I live in safety.

May I have mental happiness.

May I have physical happiness.

May I live with ease.

Begin with repeating these phrases over and over to yourself and when you feel ready silently extend the same good wishes to someone in your workplace who seems miserable, unhappy, mean. See them as someone who just does not want to suffer. Try it for a few days; see what happens. You can substitute other words that are more comfortable for you as long as the intention remains the same.

It is a beginning. If a smile could save a life then imagine what is possible.