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My Friend Likes me, I don't like her, it's complicated

If you are reading this, I must say, thank you so much

Anyways, I have this friend, she likes me, and I used to like her the day she told me that she likes me, and a few days after that, and I told her that, and I even said to meet me at her house after school that day, but that day, I realized my wrong and I fixed it. I put her down "easy"
That was weeks ago. But about 10 days ago, I asked her if she was like this girl at school (a "loose" girl if you know what I mean) so she replied and said, idk is tht a good or bad thing and when I sent that email, I was a little lusting about her. But now I'm all like ewwww why would I do that. Anyways, I said to her saying that i was just rly curious that day and that I was asking my friends random stuff. but now she's mad at me because i was gone, but it said i was online and she was like talk to mee!!!! because she thought that I was ignoring her. I sent her a bunch of stuff saying that im sorry. I dont know what to do, please, any advice on what to do next?

Re: My Friend Likes me, I don't like her, it's complicated

Welcome to the Forums Will!

Sounds like you and your friend have a fair bit of "hit and miss" communication. That in itself is quite natural, as the both of you are trying to figure things out. There is not a perfect way of doing this, so don't demand perfection of yourself. Most importantly, don't act like someone else but be yourself. The best way to learn is simply trying things and see what works, also for future interactions with girls.

From the sounds of it she really likes you, and probably has developed a bit of a crush on you. People in general don't like to be compared to people who engage in practices they do not agree with. If she did not like you she would have shot you down when you brought up this loose girl. That she tried to seek the positives (they are there - nothing is ever black and white. But people tend to become quite impassioned when it is about themselves), speaks volumes. She is trying to figure herself out as well, and her wants and desires.

Obviously the both of you are young. The question is what do the both of you want from this. It is likely that you and she have quite different expectations. Bear that in mind, in your future dealings with her. It is very important to be on the same page, because otherwise at least one of you is going to get hurt.

You have apologized, and it is quite likely that she will seek to spend some time (real life or online) with you. If you are not interested in that, tell her honestly and respectfully. Sometimes letting people down "easy" does not work as people don't always see through the niceties. If you are interested, then agree to spend some time together. You don't have to have a perfect image of the future in mind.

I think you are still trying to figure out a few things about this relationship / friendship, and I think the best way would simply be to keep the lines of communication open and talking things through. Not just about the relationship / friendship, but also about yourselves, your dreams, hopes and so on. In short, get to know each other a bit better.

The two of you may agree on something but that does not mean that the motivation behind it is exactly the same. Talk things through, and you will find out if you are on the same page or not. Not only will that help you to make sense of yourself, this girl, and the situation, but it will also help you in the future.

Even if this does not apply to this particular girl but to someone else in the future:
You said you were lusting a bit after her, and it is quite likely that she did the same. That is not unnatural, but it does not mean you have to act on those desires. Only act on such desires when the both of you want to, not because you feel you have to, or just because you can (and give consideration to the possible consequences!!).

Last edited by Vautrin; 05-13-2013 at 07:13 AM.

The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

Keep true to the dreams of your youth. - Friedrich Schiller

The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Theodor Adorno