This was the golden rule: never tell a story in company, or never sing a song, that a twelve-year-old child cannot listen to. That was the golden rule – and still is. You don’t say anything that would, sort of, be bad for a child to hear. And I’ve heard stories – I grew up with stories – I never heard a story that had anything in it except straightforward action and talk. There was no talk about the usual subject at the moment. People grew up… to learn about that themselves. When you’re mature you learn a lot of things that you’re not supposed to learn before you’re mature.

Anyway, this fellow was quite mature, and… hrrrm. I may as well as sing it then. After that we’ll sing a nice song. I’ll sing a nice song with you all.

An old man came courting me, high do oh darity
An old man came courting me, me being young
An old man came courting me,
Then he proposed to me.
Oh, maids when you’re young never wed an old man.

For he’s got no faloorum, fal-diddle fal-doorum
For he’s got no faloorum, fal-diddle fal-dee
He’s got no faloorum,
He lost his ding-doorum
So maids when you’re young, never wed an old man.

Now when we went to the church, high do oh darity
When we went to the church, me being young
When we went to the church,
He lay there in the lurch.
Maids when you’re young, never wed an old man.

Refrain

When we went into bed, high do oh darity
When we went into bed, me being young
When we went into bed,
He lay there as if he was dead.
Maids when you’re young, never wed an old man.

Refrain

I put my leg over him, high do oh darity
I put my leg over him, me being young
I put my leg over him,
Damn’ nearly smothered him.
Maids when you’re young never wed an old man.

Refrain

When he was fast asleep, high do oh darity
When he was fast asleep, me being young
When he was fast asleep,
Out of bed I did creep
Into the arms of a handsome young man.

Oh he had faloorum, fal-diddle fal-doorum
He had faloorum, fal-diddle fal-dee
He had faloorum,
He found my ding-doorum
So maids when you’re young, never wed an old man.