NOTE FOR THE VERY DIM.
Although every question on these VERY PERSONAL PROBLEMS
pages is a genuine plea for help from some desperately sad tosser, our
witty, literate answers are entirely satirical and NOT
to be taken seriously! What do you mean 'not to be
taken seriously?' Do you mean you're deliberately taking
the piss out of people with very personal problems? We might
be.. You heartless bitches! Look, we
didn't ask the clueless wankers to write to us, did we?
No...but— But what? Well...some of these
people need HELP?! I'll say; so why are they writing to a site
called 'Utterpants'? Where does it say that? At
the top of every page on the site in letters an inch high. Couldn't
you make it a bit more obvious? Well—we could, but then
the desperately sad tossers might not write to us. Would
that be a bad thing? Not for them, obviously. But we'd be well
gutted. Why's that? Well, we couldn't take
the piss out of the desperately sad tossers and their VERY PERSONAL
PROBLEMS, could we?