4.28.2004

Gay men don't find women attractive! GASP!

Sex columnist Dan Savage opens up his letters column with a charming little bit of hate speach from some guy who is just outraged at women wearing low-rise jeans who aren't size 2's. He's terribly disturbed at having to see "girl love handles". Does Savage stand up to this spiteful response? Nope. He applauds it lovingly. Fat women just aren't attractive to Dan Savage, and shame on them for not pleasing him.

Except, Dan Savage is gay. So, why does he care so much about what women need to do to be sexy? Why is he such an authority on what makes a woman sexy? I don't get this, but this isn't the only place I've seen the phenomenon. A lot of gay men seem to consider themselves to be absolute authorities on what is physically attractive for women. Not all, certainly, but I seem to keep running across this. I keep trying to tell myself these are exceptions, but they just keep coming up. One of my earliest encounters with this attitude was in high school with a then closeted gay man (last one to know) who was violently hateful of fat people, especially fat women. It set a bad tone, and I know I've judged other gay men too harshly because of it. But, although I haven't seen the extreme of that person, its not like I'm judging people who haven't expressed a some hatred of fat women. It hasn't always kept me from being friendly with some gay men who express this. As I've said before, I haven't the luxury of only surrounding myself with fat positive people. Hell, I can't even manage one, and that's including fat people. But it still puzzles me why so many gay men would care so much about women who aren't meeting a standard of sexual attractiveness they don't care about anyway. Have other people seen this, or am seeing more to this than I should?

Anyway, back to Savage. He goes on to get a dig in on fat people. Not the first time for him, either. In his book, "Skipping Towards Gomorrah", he visited a NAAFA convetion to experience gluttony and instead found lust. He also found some anti-fat activist pushing the line that she was the one who was the "real" fat acceptance. You know, the one that amputates their digestive system and condemns people finding fat women attractive. (I admit, NAAFA, especially then, has a lot of problems with objectification of fat women, but you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater) So Savage has long come out against fat people. The result? My outrage has faded into resignation. Just another self-righteous fat basher. Why care anymore? The leaders of "fat acceptance" are always expressing their undying love for fat bashing. Its hard to care anymore.