Before You're Anywhere Near the Bedroom

"In a good sexual relationship, you touch each other all the time — not just in bed. When you talk to your lover, put your hand on his or rub his back for a few minutes. When you're driving, rest your hand on his thigh. When couples touch each other, it's a way of expressing warmth and keeping that 'united' feeling alive. All touching doesn't need to lead to sex, but it is a part of being physically intimate."
—Brenda Venus, author of Secrets of Seduction for Women (Dutton, 1997)

"As a rule, women take longer to get sexually aroused, so start by yourself before you get into bed. Spend 30 minutes taking a bath with candles and fondling yourself."
—Debora Peterson, coauthor with Thom E. King of The Good Girls' Guide to Great Sex (Harmony, 1997)

"Most men like it when a woman takes the initiative. Why not send him an erotic e-mail? In very specific detail, tell him how much you desire him and what you'll do to him the minute he comes home. If you're sending the message to his work computer, make sure no one else can open his e-mail!"
—Judy Kuriansky, PhD, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to a Healthy Relationship (Alpha, 1997) and radio host of the nationally syndicated show Love Phones

Setting a Sexy Stage

"Most men are visually oriented. You might consider leaving some lights on and asking him to watch while you're performing oral sex or having intercourse or even when you're getting ready to go to bed with him. If you feel self-conscious about your body, do this semiclothed — wear one of his shirts completely unbuttoned; men love it when women borrow their clothes."
—Lou Paget, creator of the Sexuality Seminars, a Beverly Hills-based company that offers educational seminars on how to make love

Oral Supersex Lessons

"If you want to get your guy off orally, first spend some time stimulating his body from the navel to the knees with your hair. It feels great! Then, focus your warm breath and kisses on the head of his penis and the part that's just beneath. For most men, the sensation is the same as if you had the entire penis in your mouth. Also, make hand play an active part of oral sex — lightly caress his testicles and stroke the shaft of his penis. This helps increase the intensity of whatever you're doing with your mouth."
—Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On (Goofy Foot Press, 1997)

"Freeze some grapes in a Ziploc bag. Once they're ice-cold, put them in your mouth. Then begin oral sex. The temperature and sensation produced by the grapes while you're giving him oral sex is incredible. You might want to try spraying your mouth with Binaca or using mint-flavored toothpaste right before going down on him. This will give his penis a nice warm feeling."
—Cricket Richmond, author of Secrets of Sizzling Sex (Hourglass Publishing, 1994)

"If you don't like the taste of semen at all or want to protect yourself against disease, ask your man to wear a Sheik Elite mint-flavored condom. It has an amazing taste."
—Suzi Landolphi, author of The Best Love, The Best Sex (Putnam, 1996) and cofounder of the first all-condom store, Condomania, in New York City

Getting Your Oral Sextasy

"If your partner hasn't pleasured you orally and you'd like him to, have a talk about it. Just say, 'I'd really like it if you'd go down on me, but I haven't seen that happen yet. Could you tell me what's going on?'"
—Bernie Zilbergeld, PhD, Oakland-based sex therapist and author of The New Male Sexuality (Bantam, 1993)

"You must believe that men find vaginal secretions to be aphrodisiacal. So stop worrying about vaginal odors and get used to the fact that men get turned on when they have oral sex with a woman."
—Sue Johanson, Toronto-based sex educator and counselor and host of The Sunday Night Sex Show on WTN

"If you are comfortable, hold your labia open so your man has better access while giving you oral sex. Spreading the labia heightens the sensation, and if he's down there using his hands to hold everything open, they can become cramped and stiff pretty quickly — this way his hands are free to pleasure you in other places."
—Lou Paget

Going Hand-to-Hand

"When you're giving a hand job, try a technique I call Ode to Brian. It may sound complicated at first, but when you get into the rhythm of it, your movements will just flow. Do the following steps, alternating hands: Make a U-shape with your fingers and thumb at the bottom of his shaft and your palm facing away from you. Stroke up, and when you reach the head, twist over the top with as much of your palm in contact with the head of the penis as possible and come down the other side. Then do the same with your other hand and keep on alternating hands — for as long as he can last!"
—Lou Paget

"Another fabulous hand-job technique is one I call the Basket Weave. Use a water-based lubricant, and while sitting in front of him, lace your fingers together and wrap them around his penis. Rather than a simple up-and-down motion, twist as you go up and down, thumbs facing you. You can also add a little pulsing while twisting."
—Lou Paget

"Getting your man to masturbate while you're also fondling his penis is a huge turn-on for both you and your man. Begin by watching a sexy video like Tracy, I Love You or Insatiable. (If you don't want to hunt these down at your local video store, order erotic movies through The Sexuality Library at 800-289-8423.) Ask him to act out some of the moves in the movie."
—Cricket Richmond

Giving Him Getting-You-Off Guidance

"To help him best delight you with his hands, provide lots of coaching and be patient. One thing a woman can do: Offer valuable feedback without saying a word. Wrap your hand around one of his fingers or his penis, and when he does something you particularly like, give a squeeze, if you're not comfortable actually telling him. This type of nonverbal feedback can be so helpful to a guy who's doing his best to please you."
—Paul Joannides

"When your partner is masturbating you, ask him to tug playfully on your pubic hairs. This adds a slight feeling of tension that turns on many women."
—Cricket Richmond

"Use pillows. Slip one under your hips so that during missionary-position intercourse, there's less opportunity for him to slip out. Plus, when he's performing oral sex on you, his neck won't get so cramped. You can prop up his head and lower back with pillows so he has a better view while you're down between his legs."
—Lou Paget

Big, Bigger, Biggest Big O's

"Here's a tip to make yours and his orgasms more intense, plus help each of you last longer before exploding. He has to be aware of what you're going to do. Before either of you orgasm, stop intercourse or touching yourselves directly and switch gears. You might pull away and give each other a massage for a few minutes. Then you can resume. Keep bringing yourselves close to orgasm, building to that peak, so that by the time you do finally climax, your orgasms will be all the more explosive."
—Debora Peterson

"Use each piece of furniture for a different sexual act or position. Have sex under the piano, on a chair, and in front of a window. Over the course of a relationship, you will have created sexual memories, which means your home will be a more eroticized environment."
—James Petersen, senior staff writer for Playboy and author of 365 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life (Dutton, 1997)

"Live in the surprise of the moment — you never know when you're going to feel that special intimacy that is so connected to deep and wonderful sex. You may both be sick and shuffling around, pale and sniffly, but then you give each other a passing kiss, and suddenly, it turns into a soulful kiss, and before you know it, you've got the bathrobes off and you're down on the floor. That moment can't be planned. So when passion hits, go with it — don't let practicalities get in the way."
—SARK, author of Succulent Wild Women (Fireside/Simon & Schuster, 1997)

Sex Toys 'R' Us

"A new, soft, manual toothbrush is an incredible sex toy that will provide pleasure for both of you. Ask your man to run the bristles over your breasts and entire body — the sensation is truly erotic. He should brush gently around your vaginal area, especially the opening. Then you can stimulate his body — try focusing on his nipples. Although most men don't say it (and many don't even know it!), the nipples are usually very sensitive — a secret erogenous zone."
—Cricket Richmond

"Use a vibrator during sex. Good Vibrations' most popular is the Hitachi Magic Wand ($45; to order, call 800-289-8423), a foot-long dildo with a tennis-ball-size head that's used on the outside of your vagina. Couples like it because it's great for foreplay — gives a wonderful massage — plus you can incorporate it into lovemaking. During intercourse, in the face-to-face position, the wand fits nicely between two bodies. A man can enjoy the indirect vibration when he's inside you while you're using the wand to stimulate your clitoris."
—Anne Semans, coauthor with Cathy Winks of The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (Cleis, 1997)

"Wear a long strand of pearls knotted around your neck — almost every man finds pearls supersexy. Seductively untie and remove them. Gently run the pearls over your man's entire body. Start with his head and face and work your way down to his toes, but avoid his penis, saving it for last. When you finally get there, wrap the pearls around his penis and sort of roll the individual pearls around and press them on his skin. This unique-feeling stimulation is a major turn-on."
—Cricket Richmond

"Good sex is sex that's always different. To make things interesting, use different products during foreplay. Bring chocolate body paint to bed (order from Seasons, 800-776-9677), and apply it all over each other. Use a feather duster to apply honey dust (available at any sex shop) to various body parts, then lick it off."
—Cricket Richmond

A Little Bit Kinky

"Everyone has secret sexual fantasies that they don't reveal even to their partner. Here's one way to share them: Both of you write three fantasies on a piece of paper and number them from 1 to 6. Toss a die and pick whichever number comes up with the promise you'll act it out. He may want you to shave your pubic hair or go to the supermarket wearing nothing but a raincoat. You may want him to have sex with you in the shower or tie you up. You're both on your honor to do whatever!"
—Graham Masterton, author of Secrets of the Sexually Irresistible Woman (Signet, 1998)

"Call him — even if he's in the same house — and have great phone sex. The safety of not looking each other in the eye allows both of you to tell each other things you might be embarrassed to say when you're face-to-face. When you get him on the line, tell him how hot you're getting just thinking about his penis. Hearing someone describe how she or he is feeling and reacting is a huge turn-on."
—Sue Johanson

"For most guys, lusty talk is a turn-on. You can start off lightly — say, 'I love feeling your tongue there' — and slowly escalate to using four-letter words. If you're wondering how a partner might react to explicit sex talk, ask him. Say, 'Sometimes when we're making love, I just feel like yelling out some dirty words, but I don't know how you'd react.' If you want him to join in, tell him: 'It really turns me on if I hear some down-and-dirty sex talk from you — are you okay with that?'"
—Bernie Zilbergeld