SHAMED BASED IDENTITY GUILT…I MADE A MISTAKE HEALTHY SHAME… YOU CAN MAKE MISTAKES, LETS US KNOW WE HAVE LIMITS AND BOUNDARIES. YOU ARE VENERABLE YOU SOMETIMES NEED HELP YOU ARE NOT GOD HEALTHY SHAME GIVES US HUMILITY AND PERMISSION TO BE HUMAN TOXIX SHAME... I AM ONLY LOVABLE AND ACCEPTED WHEN……PERFORMANCE… YOU ARE WHAT YOU DO…I AM WHAT I DO PERFECTIONISM…IF I BLOW IT , I AM NOT ACCEPTED *stay within the linesFAILURE PRONE… THINGS NEVER WORK OUT FOR ME *you always do that wrongOVERACHIEVING…HAVE I DONE ENOUGH *never give full credit because they will stop tryingSELF-DOUBT DO I HAVE ANY IMPACT *why comment about what is expectedEXTREME STANDARDS… NO EFFORT IS GOOD ENOUGH * anything less than the best than you have not tried hard enoughJUDGMENTAL EMPHASIS ON RIGHT/WRONG… IT SHOULD BE ONLY ONE WAY * I don’t want to listen because its wrongLOW SELF-ESTEEM… I AM BASICALLY BAD, UNWORTHY PERSON * its dangerous to give complimentsDESPERATION FOR APPROVAL… AM I OKAY * they should know that I care because of what I do for themCONDITIONAL SUPPORT… SELF WORTH CONTIGENT ON OTHERS. * If you do things right then I will support yoABANDONMENT/NEGLECT… FEAR THAT PEOPLE WILL LEAVE ME BECAUSE I AM UNLOVABLE. * I had to take care of myself when I was a kiATTACKING/CRITICAL… SELF CRITICAL, SELF HATING *you are ungrateful and spoiledANTI CONFLICT…CONFLICT AVOIDANCE, DON’T ROCK THE BOAT * if you can’t say something nice don’t say it at allSECRETS, UDISCUSSED ISSUES… FEAR OF DISCOVERY * its in the past so there is no need to talk about itCONSTRICTION OF FEELINGS…UNAWARE OF FEELINGS, * don’t wear your feeling on your sleevesREFUSAL TO ADDRESS PAINFUL ISSUES… TOLERANCE OF PAIN, WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET GOING * * you are exaggerating how serious this isNEEDS DENIED, CONFLICT ABOUT NEEDS, WHAT FEELS GOOD FELLS BAD * only bad kids touch themselves therePERSONAL LIMITS NOT RESPECTED…PERMEABLE BOUNDERIES, I OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION * kids don’t have rights