John Mayberry, Jr. is a man who knows what he wants. One cannot, after all, become the Phillies' best pinch-hitter without knowing what he wants. But Mayberry is still missing something. Evidently, that something is the Sexy Mermaid from Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.

Mayberry's LA-based agent wrote in the e-mail, to Antoinette Nikprelaj's agency, on Aug. 30: "I imagine you're familiar with CAA and some of our clients, as we work with Ryan Howard, Roy Halladay, Buster Posey and Andre Ethier among others.

We'll stop briefly here, because it's kind of sad that Mayberry's agents have to name-drop other clients, other clients who are, you know, not bench players. Perhaps these clients might be decent fits to date actresses, even though all but Howard are married. Back into the email:

"I hate to even be sending you this e-mail, and I'm quite embarrassed to say the least, but we have a young client on the Philadelphia Phillies who asked us if we knew any agents at Innovative Artists and could connect him to Antoinette Nikprelaj.

"I know you're not a dating or set-up service, but John Mayberry Jr. (Phillies OF) would love to meet Antoinette or invite her to a baseball game sometime. Would this be possible?"

He added, "Here's a bio of John to give you some more info on him (he's a great guy, down-to-earth, humble, Stanford-educated, etc.) Thanks for considering this as you know how this business is and servicing clients."

Great guy! Down-to-earth! Stanford-educated! Sees attractive women in blockbuster movies and asks his agents to track them down and invite them to baseball games!

And as far as we can tell from the Post story, Nikprelaj has not planned to take Mayberry up on his offer. Yes, believe it, the Pirates have defeated the Phillies in September.