I, like most average Americans, am pissed with what is going on in our country.

We see our life savings being sucked into some kind of banking black hole that we do not fully understand beyond the fact that it is the result of greed . We see our presidential candidates do the same bull crap mud slinging at each other and when asked a straight question we never hear a straight answer. We are shown short clips on TV why an idea is a good or bad idea. These ads try to sell us fear in 30 seconds or less. Then you are sent a 200 page book so you can be informed. I think to myself, ‘ right I have to work 60 + hours per week and I now I need to read 200 pages to get a bit of truth ( maybe ) ‘, is this the plan?

Less than a week after the federal government had to bail out American International Group Inc., the company sent executives on a $440,000 retreat to a posh California resort, lawmakers investigating the company’s meltdown said.

The tab included $23,380 worth of spa treatments for AIG employees at the coastal St. Regis resort south of Los Angeles even as the company tapped into an $85 billion loan from the government it needed to stave off bankruptcy…

… During the second Presidential debate Tuesday night, Democrat Barack Obama said the U.S. Treasury should demand the money be returned and top executives be fired. Republican Senator John McCain did not specifically address the spa vacation by AIG employees…

So how is this for an idea; We the people just got screwed and the first thing we hear is that these jokers are taking the tax bailout money we give them and they are going to take a vacation at the tune of what?

What will it take to get some honesty or responsible behavior? Maybe a good old fashioned tar and feathering?

Everyone is so doom and gloom now about the economy but this video just goes to show that the Horatio Algers of this world who are in the right place at the right time can still go from Rags to Riches!!

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great!’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish. ‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone. ‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pena Coladas and the love of my life.’ Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 4:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull, ‘they’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4pm and then bring it in to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how I am doing. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising my every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.

9. I was born to be whipped.

10. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

11. Never introduce me to people you are with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

12 Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.

13. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any, and its nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus cheque you received for being such a good manager.

14. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goal SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

Of course, men want more than just sex from a woman. How about a smile now and then?

Men try so damn hard to please their woman in hopes of sex. It is the only way men know of, if their woman cares about them, is to have sex when their woman wants to have sex with them. Therefore I think, men are strongly motivated to please their women.

And dang it woman! If you are not going to smile, you can at least do the washing and ironing!

A few weeks ago I posted on Lie of the day about the lottery being a tax on the poor. I believe there is some truth to that statement. Don’t get me wrong through, I used to buy lotto tickets now and then, but had stopped buying them because I seemed to never win anything.

It had been about a year since I bought a ticket. Well the other day I was filling my truck with gas and bought a dollar lotto ticket. In the back of my mind I was thinking that karma might help me win because karma in my case always wants to prove me wrong. Sure enough – I won. I thought to myself, hmmm, I posted some thing about the lotto screwing the poor and I win two dollars? Then I think about the old line that karma is a bitch and here at this point in my life, I have come to grips with karma by writing ‘the lotto is a scam’ post about screwing the poor out of there hard earned dollars – by winning! Well being the wild gambler that I am and knowing that karma is going to make sure I win, I decided to go all out – so I buy another two dollar ticket and as Karma would have it I win five dollars this time!

I decided to not push my karma any harder, knowing that karma was using me to take the food out of some poor child’s mouth. So I took my booty and put it in my wallet and hung my head in shame.

Do you think that Karma is real or is it just a lie we tell ourselves?

I’ve had this picture in the ideas folder for some time now. I knew I wanted to do something with it, but I just could not figure out what I wanted to do. First I thought, ahhh!, make a joke, the line could say, “I knew it, the whinny liberals don’t want us to enjoy our life!”. Finally it hit me; what I wanted to write about smoking here is that I am a former smoker and I can tell you this – between my ex-wife and smoking I am not going to see 100.

What I want to say about smoking and pass on is how I quit, because its a real pain in the butt to quit. I was no lightweight smoker, I smoked 2 packs a day. I started smoking when I was 16, you know to be cool. Then I got married. My new wife (at that time) asked me to quit. I did and did not smoke again until I got to know the real woman that I had married and got so stressed out that I started smoking again.

So I started smoking again. Well, it took me ten years then one day it hit me. I thought to myself, you dumb ass your killing your self do you really want that c___ to out live you? So, I started trying to quit, first cold turkey. I had done that one once before but I was newly married to what I thought was a good woman and I was getting sex so cold turkey was not all that bad. That was when I was single and hooked and I tried cold turkey – no luck at all. To make a long story short, I tried several ways before I came up with what worked for me. I took an empty coffee can outside, smoked my last cigarette, then I took the money for the next two packs for that day, put the money in the coffee can and then I made a vow to myself that I would put the money in the coffee can each day and I could not touch it for two years but, if I had a cigarette even a bummed one, I would burn all the money in the can. I made it for 21 days, I broke my vow to myself – there was 80 dollars in that can. Money was tight at that time and really important to me and it damn near killed me to keep my vow to myself and to burn up the $80.00 but I knew it would have been burned up anyway if I had smoked the 21 packs.

I have not had a cigarette since 1998 and after two years I had saved a little bit over $2,735.00 in that same can. I added this money towards buying a nicer Yamaha ATV. Mostly I am so glad that I quit.

If you smoke and want to quit I hope you find a way too.

I hope to hear some other true story’s for quitting smoking of course you can lie too.

In a prior post I sort of half-assed lined out what I thought the Republican Party strategy has been for the past seven or so years.

I think McCain/Palin has changed strategy. They are using the Snipe hunting strategy.

When I was in High School, most every boy at one time or another went with his already initiated friends to hunt Snipe or Side Hill Dodgers or Hide-Behinds.

It was a right-of-passage. I went out with my friends, my gunny-sack (you always caught these things in gunny-sacks) for my first Snipe hunt, my Dad told me ‘son, there is no such thing as Snipe’. I knew my friends wouldn’t lie to me so I went hunting with them but by my third hunt I started to wonder if maybe my Dad knew something I didn’t know, as I had yet to see one Snipe.

It was a play on my youthful gullibility.

I am guessing that McCain/Palin are gambling that most people now-a-days haven’t gone through that right-o-passage…

I am guessing that McCain/Palin are gambling that most American’s will not use the internet to research the facts about their claims for themselves.

They are probably right.

I would call the McCain/Palin strategy ‘The big gamble’ strategy. It seems to me that they take big gambles on just how gullible Americans might really be.

After reading the article, I think Lithwick’s logic is sound and that this would be a great course of action for John McCain to follow.

Here is a quote to demonstrate just how sound her logic is:

Finally, Palin has revealed, both as the mayor of Wasilla and then as the chief executive of Alaska, a style of governance that features the not-infrequent firing of dissenters. Among the growing list of those dismissed or threatened with removal on Palin’s watch were Mary Ellen Emmons, the Wasilla town librarian and vociferous opponent of Palin’s proposal to dabble in book banning, and John Bitney, Palin’s legislative director, who was dating the not-quite-ex-wife of one of her husband’s friends. Palin is also the subject of an ethics investigation for firing Walt Monegan, the Alaska Public Safety commissioner, who declined to fire the state trooper divorcing her sister. I can’t help but wonder if following two years of scandals surrounding the Bush administration’s decision to terminate nine U.S. attorneys for their imagined disloyalty, John McCain might be nervous about a vice president with a proclivity toward doing the same thing. If McCain puts Palin on the Supreme Court, however, she has only a trio of law clerks and a secretary to hire, and each can be vetted for ideological purity.

No fair arguing that Palin isn’t experienced enough to sit on the highest court of the land. What matters—far more than experience—is one’s unyielding moral certainty, relatability and gender. And Palin has these qualities in spades. Washington’s old-boy problem hardly ends at the Oval Office. If ever there were a D.C. institution in dire need of a place to plug in a breast pump, it’s the Supreme Court. And Palin has already proven that neither the courts, nor precedent, nor even the Constitution itself will be a match for the force of her will. America has finally found someone suited to put the “law” back into scofflaw, and it’s Sarah Palin. McCain shouldn’t waste her talents on state funerals.

Per Republicans:
Cheney: Lipstick on a pig (really funny!)
McCain: Lipstick on a pig (keen political observation!)
Palin: Lipstick on a pitbull (brilliant!)
Obama: Lipstick on a pig (an outrage!)What do you think:
Do Republicans give new meaning to the term ‘double standards’?
Do the Republicans fake their outrage?
Are the Republicans as phoney as a three dollar bill?

Professor Obvious of WASU gave a lecture today on the state of the world:

Look toward our future! Today there are approximately 6.7 billion people on this little planet. In the next hundred years all these people will be dead, well most of them anyway. What a tragedy! Who will dispose of all these bodies? Think about this too, more people will be born during the next one hundred years and many of those people will die! And what about all the animals? Think about the great blue whales, how many of them will die? What about the lions and tigers and bears? We worry about war, oil, poverty, terrorists and politics but who thinks about the great disaster that is facing us all other than those of us here at WASU?

At WASU, we are thankful to those professor’s who both seek and expose the truth! Obviously, our favorite professor received thunderous applause and a standing ovation from the appreciative audience here at We’re All Screwed University.