Friday, March 20, 2015

I had seven hours to kill in the San Salvador International Airport before my connection to Managua, Nicaragua. So, in addition to:1. drinking too much coffee2. drinking too much beer3. lingering wa-ay too long in the Kenneth Cole Duty-Free Shop (I’m very much looking forward to starting a wardrobe again once I get back to the States, a wardrobe that doesn't include t-shirts and cargo shorts)4. actually window-shopping and testing men’s fragrances*5. watching a simulated FIFA 2016 video game match and cursing a video Luis Suarez6. coming up with the following expression (to be used when, in the future, a daughter of mine comes down the stairs dressed too provocatively for, like a date or something): “Go back upstairs and change. You look like you work at a duty-free shop in the San Salvador International Airport.” (shrug) I’m working on it…*Men's fragrances suck. Nothing beats simple Edge Gel After-Shave. If only I had some. Man, do I smell.

…in addition to all that, I-

7. created my: “Top Ten Possible Songs (Using Only the ‘Physical’ Playlist On My iTunes) to Accompany The Scene at Plot Point One of My Action/Thriller Blockbuster Movie Where I Exit a San Salvador International Airport Men’s Room Upon De-planing/Freshening Up & Then Stride Through the Crowds With EXTREME Purpose To Meet With SOME-one Important, Unknown As Yet to Audience (While Wearing a Backpack)”

I did this by doing approximately one dozen laps of the San Salvador International Airport Departure Gates 1 -18. For each song, I started in the men’s room, washing my face, looking at myself in the mirror, and then - AT THE PERFECT MOMENT - striding out of the banos and walking.

I managed to listen to ten possible songs before a)the weird looks from the women working at the various duty-free shops became too much to ignore and b)the annoyed looks from the policeman at Gate 16, with the combat pants tucked into the boots, the semi-automatic on his hip, and German Shepherd at his side, became too much to ignore.

Without further adieu. In descending order (with accompanying “PRODUCTION PROS/CONS”):

9. “In My Time of Dying” - Led Zeppelin.

PROS: esoteric, deep Led Zep cut, so old it’s new? Attract baby-boomers?CONS: way too long; too much buildup before the song accelerates; not esoteric in fact, way too old for today’s film audiences; baby-boomers not wanted as primary demographic.8. “Lonely Boy” - The Black Keys.

PROS: A Latin song for a Latin American Airport? Synergy?CONS: No, way too on-the-nose for a Latin American airport - REMEMBER, THE MUSIC IS TO ACCENT THE CHARACTER, NOT THE LOCATION; I walk too fast for the rhythm - maybe for the sequel when I’m sixty.6. “Call to Arms” - Angels & Airwaves.

PROS: Good men’s room sink buildup/switch (see 8), perhaps just the right touch of hope for an anti-hero?CONS: Too positive for an anti-hero? Blink-182 is much better band, we don’t want to remind audiences of that. I can just imagine the preview cards: “What, you were too cheap to get Blink?” Don’t go there.5. “The Pretender” - Foo Fighters.

PROS: symbolism in song title? Dave Grohl would be a perfect cameo for surfer I met in Costa Rica.CONS: Nirvana is a better band (see 6).4. “Tougher Than Leather” - Run-DMC.

PROS: perfect rhythm/beat to match my stride; old-school hip-hop provides good background to character; probably affordable.CONS: Kevin Smith already used it in one of his pieces of shit (CLERKS II?), not good to link with his hackery; hip-hop with wailing electric guitars may confuse audience; when examined, lyrics are really pretty stupid and inane (Run-DMC really got kind of a pass on this). I mean, they say "unconceivable" when it should be "inconceivable" - that's unconscionable. Can't in good conscience use this piece of music.3. “This Is War” - 30 Seconds to Mars.

PROS: primal scream in song’s beginning really works when I get stuck walking behind old people in airports; there are several good opportunities for me to actually begin SPRINTING through airport - RELATABLE; chorus at song’s end a terrific opportunity for me to start dodging fellow pedestrians, a la O.J. Simpson in Hertz commercials.CONS: Running through airports a la O.J. Simpson has been ruined by O.J. Simpson; would probably rather work with O.J. Simpson than with Jared Leto.2. (tie) “Picasso Baby” - Jay Z.

PROS: severe switch of beats in song’s middle is perfect for the “finish my coffee white mocha/toss into garbage can/finger point at airport janitor all in one motion” - good discovery, there (REHEARSALS MATTER.); perhaps get Beyonce as female lead?CONS: I really listen to too much Jay Z; pretty clear Jay Z is just reeling off names of artists he’s familiar with; I’m still uncertain as to whether the “Fox’s Box” is referring to Megan or Vivica A. - confusing?2. (tie) “Trip Like I Do” - Crystal Method.

PROS: hip; energetic; vaguely nymphomaniac female voice lends sex and this film WILL BE SEXY. “I want you to trip like I do,” is a lyric that lends synergy to the sequence - LEVELS.CONS: San Salvador International Airport not really a “rave-like” location; felt strange to be staring at myself in the mirror with a dude repeating, “The Christian…”; this film should be agnostic; I may be, in fact, too “techno-looking” for this piece of music.1. “Force Marker” (from the film HEAT) - Brian Eno.