Plucky UKIP dog stops immigrant from taking all our jobs

The people of Rochester and Strood have come together to show their appreciation for an unlikely four legged hero who single handedly prevented an immigrant from taking all our jobs. Oswald, a red setter, barked at a man who looked like he might well come from somewhere else and this most likely prevented him from applying for every single vacant position where the chances are he would have got it because they get everything and we get nothing.

Oswald’s proud owner Dave Shitingham told us “He’s such a clever dog. He obviously realised that this gentleman of foreign appearance was about to erode British values by gaining employment and generating income for the treasury. He barked in a way that said ‘Not on my watch mate.’ Then he went off to his basket for a nap. A well earned one in my opinion”

One local, who spotted the foreign looking gentleman who apparently carried on walking seemingly empty handed, told us “I don’t know how he got here in the first place. He probably came over on a boat, or a plane or something. Your Guardian readers will probably say we don’t know for sure he was thieving jobs but they’re not like us are they? They’re always working.”

UKIP MP Mark Reckless told us “It was a close call but luckily we can all sleep well in our beds tonight. And it’s all thanks to Oswald the red setter. He really is the best Dog ever”