So what do you do, or really, how do you do it? I will be making another post about when or why on this subject. But let’s just say that you’ve made the decision to go exclusive, to tell the other people that you are dating that you are going exclusive with someone else. What is the best way to do this?

There are of course the considerations as to whether or not to use the phone, email, or in person meetings. Would the latter be a date to end future dating with the person in question? Then there are considerations like what to say and how to say it. I hate hurting people’s feelings, and certainly don’t want to break any hearts. I am just not sure exactly what to say or how to say it lightly. I believe the truth is paramount in any relationship, even those that are ending, or changing from dating / intimate relations to friends or no longer seeing one another.

One Comment to "going from dating to exlusive – how to break hearts lightly – breaking up"

As with any part of a relationship, yes honesty is the most important part. When cutting off multiple dating partners for the sake of one specific person, however, what you say and how you say it can have consequences years down the road.
The first thing to remember when going from dating to exclusive is that its not about “them” as a whole. You have certain needs from a relationship, not necessarily sex, but closeness and intimacy from one specific person. Dating multiple people does not always fill those needs.
Also, everyone understands that you can’t always control who you fall for. Usually people will be more than understanding when you tell them that you fell for someone and would like to pursue an exclusive relationship with that person. They will also feel better about it if you say you would like to remain their friend and continue to spend time with them “as friends.”
Its not always the easiest thing in the world, but as long as you are honest and firm about your decision people will understand and support you in your decision. Also keeping that person as a friend helps you maintain your social circle and stop the fallout normally associated with breaking up.
There is one more important point I’d like to make, Don’t avoid hurt feelings. Breaking off a dating relationship is one of the hardest things to do, and is almost impossible to avoid hurting your opposites feelings. Rather avoid malicious feelings. Its alright if they feel hurt that they aren’t the right one for you, as long as you communicate that they are not any less of a person. Instead, communicate that they are still the person you love, but at this point in your life you feel like it would be better to pursue an exclusive relationship with someone else.
So be honest, and don’t send false signals. In my experience people would rather be hurt by an honest answer than find out later that you were lying to them.