Right now we have a generation of kids who are going into high school, college and even the workforce who have never really experienced failure before. This is a generation of kids who have been bubble-wrapped since birth. The first generation of kids who weren't really allowed to play outside. The first generation where every drawer and cabinet was safety locked. The first generation to not only wear safety belts, but to also ride in a car seat until kindergarten. This is the first generation to wear helmets when riding their bikes. Mom and dad have stepped in to stop anything that could possibly hurt their kids. Unfortunately, in mom and dad's protectiveness, they have also protected their kids from some very important life lessons. Like failure.

This generation of kids that are arriving into adulthood or who will be quickly in its ranks have never been allowed to fail at anything in life. Even the little things like little league (where trophies are passed out with juice boxes) have been sanitized to make sure that everyone's feelings are safe from harm. Now these kids are becoming adults with unrealistic expectations for what is going to happen in the future. On what reality is like. And generally, what life is like.

I am not saying that the parents are bad people. Or that they were protecting their children with some malicious intent. In fact, I know the exact opposite is true. These parents were doing everything within their power to protect the things that are most precious to them. Their children. The parents only wanted to keep their children safe and happy. The layer of bubble wrap protection was done from a place of love and care. But what started out as loving protection has put these kids into an unexpected predicament. Because mom and dad were so quick to protect their child from anything negative (physical, mental and emotional), these kids never developed the ability to handle life's little messes. And we all know that life likes to dole out messes.

So, what can we do to help these young adults (and soon-to-be adults)? and more importantly, what can we do to not let this happen again with future generations? i'm not suggesting that we get rid of seat belt laws or that there weren't very good reasons for not giving kids free reign of their neighborhoods like we once had. I get those reasons. I am a parent. I watch the news. The world can be a scary place.

Starting now. We need to learn to stand back. We need to learn to stay on the sidelines when our kids are facing something difficult. Or when they have already messed up. We need to stand back and give them the space to clean up their own mess. They will never learn to do it, if we rush in like an assaulting army taking out everything in its path. Yes, your kids won't like it that you are not running to their defense. There may be tears. There may even be some accusations that you are ruining their life. But guess what? you aren't. You are actually doing them a huge favor. They just may not realize it yet.

You see, as strong and able as you are today, you are not always going to be around. And what happens then when your kid is facing a huge screw up or failure? who is going to fix it for them then? if you do not allow your kid the space to learn to deal with failures starting with the smallest of failures they will never develop the tools necessary to deal with those moments in life.

So, when they are facing a big ole screw up that has the potential of changing the trajectory of their life and you aren't around to fix it, what do you think they will do? run and hide? maybe. Deal with it? probably not. They will more than likely allow that one (albeit huge) screw up to define the rest of their life. And I know that as a parent who has spent the better part of your own adult life protecting this child of yours that you would never want that for your kid. So, take a step back. Take a deep breath. They can do this. (and so can you.) believe in them. Be their biggest cheerleader, but please, for your child's sake, don't step in and be the quarterback of their life. Allow your kid to have that win.

21 people found this helpful

Did you find this tip helpful?

Thanked

Thank

Share

Shared 1 year ago • Featured Tip

You are unconscious, although you believe you are conscious. That is like seeing a dream in which you think you are walking in the marketplace. You are awake in your dream, but your awakenness in a dream is only part of the dream -- you are unconscious.

It hurts to accept that" I am unconscious" but the first act of being conscious is to accept that" I am unconscious" the very acceptance triggers a process in you.">

Simple things can do the trick. For example, you always walk in a hurry. Start walking slowly. You will have to be alert; the moment you lose alertness you will start again in a hurried way. These are small devices: walk slowly -- because to walk slowly you will have to remain conscious. Once you lose consciousness, immediately the old habit will grab you and you will be in a hurry.

If you smoke cigarettes, make it a very slow process, so slow that it becomes de-automatized. Otherwise, people are not smoking cigarettes -- cigarettes are smoking people! they are not conscious of what they are doing. In a very unconscious way they put their hands into their pockets, take out the packet, the cigarette and the matchbox. They are going through all these motions but they are not alert. They may be thinking a thousand and one things. In fact, when they are more unconscious they tend to smoke more. When they are more in anxiety, tension. Worried, they tend to smoke more; that helps them to keep a face as if they are relaxed.

Make it a slow process. Take the cigarette packet out of your pocket as slowly as possible, as consciously as possible. Slowing down the processes is very helpful. Then hold the packet in your hand, look at it, smell it, feel its texture. Then open it very slowly, as if you have all the time in the world. Then take a cigarette out, look at the cigarette from all sides. Then put it in your mouth. Wait! then take the matchbox -- again go through those same slow movements. Then start smoking so slowly. Take the smoke in very slowly, let it out very slowly.

And you will be surprised: if you were smoking twenty-four cigarettes per day you will be smoking only six at the most; it will be reduced to one-fourth. And slowly slowly, only two, one, and one day suddenly you will find the whole thing so stupid! still you can go on carrying the cigarette packet in your pocket for a few days, just in case -- but it is finished, de-automatized.

This is one of buddha's great contributions to the psychology of man: the process of de-automatization, slowing down everything.

Buddha used to say to his disciples" walk as slowly as possible, eat as slowly as possible. Chew each bite forty times and go on counting inside: one, two, three, four, five -- forty times. When the food is no longer solid, it is almost liquid" he used to say" don't eat, but drink" that means make it so liquid that you don't eat it, you have to drink it. And he helped thousands of people to become conscious.

You are unconscious, although you believe you are conscious. That is like seeing a dream in which you think you are walking in the marketplace. You are awake in your dream, but your awakenness in a dream is only part of the dream -- you are unconscious.

It hurts to accept that" I am unconscious" but the first act of being conscious is to accept that" I am unconscious" the very acceptance triggers a process in you.

74 people found this helpful

Did you find this tip helpful?

Thanked

Thank

Share

You are unconscious, although you believe you are conscious. That is like seeing a dream in which you think you are walking in the marketplace. You are awake in your dream, but your awakenness in a dream is only part of the dream -- you are unconscious.

It hurts to accept that" I am unconscious" but the first act of being conscious is to accept that" I am unconscious" the very acceptance triggers a process in you.">

Emotional and/or physical trauma can impact a person’s thoughts, emotions, relationships, sense of self, and views of the world. A person who has survived a trauma (or multiple ones) may be able to easily identify how some areas of their life have been impacted, while others are harder to articulate. Some areas of impact may be completely outside of awareness. The person may have a sense that something has been altered (e.g., something is “off”) but may be unable to put their experience into words. Trauma is more often than not a profound, life-altering and complex experience. Using words to describe it is often not sufficient.

As humans, our bodies are centrally impacted by trauma of all kinds – perhaps most notably in experiences of physical or sexual abuse, illness, surgeries, accidents, physical attack, or natural disaster. However, its effect can also be observed in situations less directly associated with the body, as in emotional abuse, sudden death of a loved one, or witnessing violence. What we know about trauma is that it’s perceived less in terms of the event itself and more in terms of our subjective experience of it. In other words, our brains detect and respond to a traumatic experience before we are able to make meaning from it. As a result, the experience of it is often stored in our bodies. Recent neuro-imaging studies have shown that, during times of stress, speech centers of the brain actually shut down.

THE IMPACT OF STRESS & TRAUMA

When trauma is experienced, the brain becomes activated and prepares the body to react, whether through a fight, flight, or freeze response. We have an evolutionary drive to protect ourselves from harm. Blood flow is directed away from areas like our stomach and intestines, and towards our heart, lungs, and muscles to help us prepare to respond. Our bloodstream is flooded with cortisol, the “stress hormone,” which allows our muscles to react quicker; our pupils dilate, improving our eyesight; our hearing becomes sharper. While potentially life-saving, these physiological responses – increased heart rate, high blood pressure, heightened arousal and attention, elevation of stress hormones – put the body under a significant strain.

This activation process is engaged to some extent even during minor stressors, like realizing you’re running late or preparing for a midterm exam at the last minute. This response helps us spring into action. However, during a traumatic experience, which involves a threat or assault to your physical and/or emotional well-being, the degree of strain on your body is exponentially greater; it takes a greater toll on the physical and psychological systems. When the body is exposed to overwhelmingly harmful stimuli or chronic traumatic events, it learns to remain prepared for the fight/flight/freeze response at all times.

Studies have found that people who have experienced trauma, particularly through chronic or repeated events, are more likely to exist in a state of biological preparedness. This activated state can include baseline increases in heart rate and cortisol levels, which, in the long-term, can lead to cardiovascular complications (i.e., heart attack; stroke). In the short-term, this activated state can contribute to symptoms often associated with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder; hypervigilance, hyperarousal, feeling on edge, an acute awareness of one’s surroundings (e.g., how many people are in a room, location of doors, smells, etc.), an over-exaggerated startle response, or a state of feeling “shut down” through avoidance of arousal states, dissociation, and numbing.

CONNECTING THE BODY AND MIND

When dealing with the fallout of traumatic life-experiences, integrating the body and mind can be a very powerful tool. The physiological impact of stress is experienced primarily through the senses, with very little engagement of language centers of the brain.

So, what does it take to integrate these systems? In therapy, in can be helpful for trauma survivors to practice putting words to their physical sensations.

When you are feeling a certain sensation in your body, what kind of thoughts are going through your mind at that moment?What words would you use to label your emotional experience?

Putting words to physical experience can take the thought, “I just don’t feel well,” to an awareness that “My thoughts are racing and my chest feels tight. I feel anxious and unsafe”. This expanded description is important because it can give you insight into how to help yourself feel better. Realizing that your chest feels tight can be a signal to take slow, relaxing breaths. Noticing that your thoughts are racing may be a sign to distract yourself with something pleasurable. Further, more understanding of what is happening can support a sense of control. It is also important to notice when you are unable to identify or label your experience. These moments can be further explored with your therapist to gain deeper understanding.

As you try to put words to your experience, be mindful of the way in which you verbalize your experience. Certain descriptors can make you feel worse (e.g., “awful”; “devastating”; “mind-shattering”). An important tool is to simply try to observe and describe your experience, without adding judgement. For example, saying “I have a terrifying pain in my chest that I can’t stand” can increase your fear. Instead, saying “I’m feel a tightness in my chest” can give you more room to be curious about the trigger for your experience and allow you to use constructive coping skills to manage it.

While therapy can be extremely helpful in developing skills to understand and describe your experience, there are also many things you can do on your own.

Yoga: practicing yoga helps integrate the body with the breath; it allows self-expression through the body, without relying on language. Since yoga has finally become so popular (and well-studied), you can practice it at home (there are thousands of free videos online), at a gym or yoga studio, or with a private yoga instructor.

Tai Chi: originally created for self-defense, tai chi uses slow, flowing movements to help reduce stress by incorporating deep breathing. Those looking for less physical impact often prefer tai chi to yoga. Practice is also available through online videos or in studios.

Meditation: meditation can take many forms, and is an easy skill to incorporate that does not require a lot of time, or a gym membership! A nice place to start can be downloading a meditation app, such asBuddhify, which offers guided meditations of varying lengths. Additionally, online videos and instructed classes are available.

Mindfulness: a variation of meditation, mindfulness can help you practice getting in touch with uncomfortable emotions and unpleasant thoughts in a more manageable way. There are several mindfulness apps available, such as Calm andHeadspace.

Want to have more energy? want to prevent illness? try these steps each night prior to going to sleep. Lay on your back, close your eyes and take a deep calm breath. Start with focussing on your toes and work your way up slowly to the top of your head. At each point, feel that part of your body in your mind. The coolness of your skin, the feel of that particular body part on your sheets. Visualize the energy within.

Visualize that energy in the form of light bursting through your skin. Don't forget to smile. When you get to a part that is not well, maybe a sore leg or a stuffy nose. Focus on that area. Picture a burst of energy coming from that area, visualize a bright light. Don't forget to smile. Nice deep breaths while doing this. Calmness not stiffness. You will drift to sleep and feel better the next day. This should only take a few minutes. Practice each night and each morning. In the morning when visualizing a bright light and energy transfer it with thoughts about your day. It will energize and motivate you. Repeat it daily for a week.

A new study has revealed that a commonly prescribed anti-depressant, sertraline, marketed as zoloft, significantly increased the volume of one brain region in depressed individuals but decreased the volume of two brain areas in non-depressed individuals.

The findings of the study also suggest that although it is a common practice to prescribe antidepressants for various disorders besides depression, taking these medicines for treating disorders other than depression may expose us to unknown risks.

Feeling the blues once in a while is natural for the kind of hectic lives we lead. But feeling stressed and burned out deeply affects on our body, mind and soul. When you feel stressed, you need to take measures that can help you cope up. Something as simple as saying ‘I love you’ in the mirror once in a morning turns around the way you approach your day.

Try these stress reducing tips to rejuvenate yourselves immediately.

1) Meditate- Its the best way out. It eases anxiety, which is the culprit behind those stressed out moments. All you have to do is just close your eyes, focus your attention on positive thoughts or repeatedly chanting 'Om' which has a vibrational impact. Don’t let negative thoughts distract you.2) Inhale Deeply- There are several occasions when you might not be able to mediate. In such a case, simply start to inhale through your nose, bring it to your abdomen and let it make way through your body slowly. Deep breathing can also reduce the instances of blood pressure.3) Laugh Out Loud- Laughing can reduce cortisol, a hormone responsible for stress. You can watch your favourite comedy show, a sitcom or simply look for a few videos online.4) Listen To Music- Simple but effective. Listening to music can lower your blood pressure, heart rate as well as anxiety. Go ahead and create a playlist of your favourite songs or music. And if you fancy, try to sing on the top of your lungs too!5) Exercise- Exercising has too many incredible benefits. One of them is easing depression and anxiety. Deal with stress by exercising a few minutes every day. Ideally, 30 minutes a day is what you should aim for.

From Lybrate: If you found this tip useful, please thank the doctor by clicking on the heart icon below. Also, spread good health by sharing this tip with your loved ones over WhatsApp, Facebook and other media.

One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.*************Things do not change; we change. ************Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young. *************In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.***************Success cannot come from standstill men. Methods change and men must change with them.****************We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.************** The future is purchased by the present.************** I think that there is nothing, not even crime, more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself than this incessant business.