Throughout
history, breasts have inspired, confounded and entertained. But how much do
we really know about the development of these majestic, fleshy orbs? What
follows is a helpful timeline highlighting great moments in the glorious history
of boobs.

The
development of human breasts is necessitated by evolution. Evolution
clearly knows what it's doing.

1.6
million B.C.

30
BC

Hot
Egyptian ruler Cleopatra is bitten in the boob by an asp. Long line
forms to suck out the venom.

The
Wonderbra takes the fashion world by storm. Women's rights activists
present passionate arguments asserting the bra encourages men to
objectify women. Men are so distracted, all they hear is "blah,
blah, blah."

1994

1995

"Seinfeld"
episode airs featuring the "Bro," a bra for men. Inexplicably,
John Madden, Pavarotti and Marlon Brando are unavailable for comment.

The
video game "Tomb Raider" debuts, featuring top-heavy adventurer
Lara Croft. Gives a whole new meaning to the term "handling
one's joystick."

1996

1997

In
the popular "Austin Powers" movie, Fembots use breasts
as weapons. In actuality, women have been doing this since 1.6 million
BC

A
Florida man sues a strip club claiming exotic dancer Tawny Peaks'
60-inch HHH bosom caused him to suffer whiplash. Defense lawyers
are paid with a large stack of one dollar bills reeking of cheap
perfume.

1998

1999

Pamela
Anderson has her 36DD breast implants removed, returning her to
a 36C. The male population of the planet collectively utters, "Whuh?"

A
Brazilian woman is shot during a confrontation between police and
drug dealers and is saved by her silicone breast implants. Implants
are no longer just visually appealing, but are also a "personal
safety measure."