a peek inside the poetic freak

1. Thou shalt judge anyone who doesn’t fold their pizza slices. This is America! Obviously the only exception is if you’re working with some Neapolitan blend or a thin crust, foodie variety that would result in a condition known as pizza crumble.

2. Regardless of what your Mom told you, the taste of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is not dependent on the way it’s cut. The diagonal cut business is nonsense. Your parents were lying to you when they said it mattered. I’m sorry I had to tell you that.

3. If I offer you a Shark Bite and you happen to find the Great White shark, do not eat it. Thank me for my kindness and give it back. I can forgive most things, but eating the Great White is not one of them.