The Craziest Idea for NATO Expansion Yet

President Juan Manuel Santos proposes to bring Colombia into NATO, even if it is through the back door. I think it’s a responsible initiative.

I assume that no member of the alliance takes this idea seriously, but it’s still extraordinary that it would be seriously proposed. Why would a country so far removed from both Europe and North America even want to join? Further NATO expansion in Europe seems senseless and unnecessary to me, but I can at least understand why Georgia might want to belong. Colombia is more than capable of defending itself against any of its neighbors. When tensions between Venezuela and Colombia escalated a few years back, it became clear that Venezuela and its military were in no condition to fight, and it is doubtful that the new Venezuelan leadership with a host of far more pressing internal problems would invite its own ruin by openly attacking its neighbor. If the other members of the alliance were crazy enough to agree to this idea, Colombia would probably end up assuming new obligations in whatever new “out of area” wars NATO chooses to fight. What’s more, NATO membership for Colombia would be completely redundant. Colombia is already a member of the Rio Treaty, which requires its members to treat an attack on any other member as an attack on them all.

NATO lost its mission when the Warsaw Pact evaporated along with the Soviet Union. Its all organizational momentum. Too many people owe their livelihood to NATO. Now they are inventing new missions. Its very hard to kill huge organizations like this, but it needs to be done.

Although, to tell the truth, this idea wasn’t quite as lunatic as I expected. My first thought had been that this was about admitting the Syrian rebels as a provisional government. Or perhaps the MEK or some other such nonsense.

NATO still exists? Please explain to me what the heck NATO actually does. Great with Colombia in NATO then somebody will try to suck us into the coming Valenzuean civil war. When a country has a crisis of shortage of toilet paper you know it is only a matter of time.

Well, it makes economic sense to want in. One gets to be a branch manager for the biggest industrial-military-surveillance complex the world has ever known, and get in on the hugely profitable side of warmaking, instead of just being a customer having trouble making payments.

Rather than admitting new members, NATO should have been disbanded after the fall of Communism and the demise of the Warsaw Pact. It was supposed to be a defensive alliance, but it’s original raison d’etre having disappeared, it has instead, starting with Serbia, gone in search of perceived enemies in order to launch unprovoked aggressive, offensive attacks, for which NATO and its constituent states should rightfully be charged with war crimes.

Fortunately – NATO says no admission for Columbia – one wonders why on earth Columbia would even have considered this.

I think there is a rationale for a much reformed NATO to continue to exist. The EU’s rulers are opposed to even a plan for common defense – so NATO represents some potential for an independent (that is – something they pay for instead of us) military capability.

Yes, because when I hear the words “North Atlantic Treaty Organization” I immediately think of South American countries such as Columbia just as I immediately think of the University of Utah and the University of Colorado when I hear the words “Pacific 12 Conference”.

My brilliant foreign policy idea is to let Russia join NATO. Think about it, do we want the Russians inside the NATO tent pissing out, or outside the NATO tent pissing in? I think we can all agree that the former is preferable to the latter. Plus as soon as the Russians join NATO’s borders will be contiguous with China and North Korea and we can have them join too. As soon as I write another 1,500 words on this brilliant plan I’m going to submit them to the Washington Post and apply for a job as an editorial columnist.

NATO is at least 20 years past its expiry date, and the way it’s releasing rot into old and new wars shows it. But I have to say that Columbia isn’t the looniest proposed new member. Although Columbians would probably have wanted to be members in 1903, when they lost Panama, rather than now.