Cabo San Lucas, Baja California - (June 13) -
A couplea stoned-out Southern California surfer drug
dealers, vacationing in Cabo San Lucas, today, have
proved, beyond any doubt whatsoever, what everybody
always knew but nobody dared say, for fear of being
visited by the Netscape Police -- namely, that all
versions of Netscape Communication's popular Netscape
Browser have a fatally un-fixable bug which has been
exploited by employees of Netscape Communications to
mercilessly steal the precious bodily fluids of its
users.

"That's right, that's right," said Rebecca Kramer, a
stoned-out Chula Vista, California drug dealer with a
place in Cabo, "Netscape is responsible for the theft of
precious bodily fluids that almost got us into World War
5 or 6, I forget which."

She then demonstrated, right there on the beach, the
un-fixable "bug" that allows Netscape employees to read
the most intimate personal material off the hard drives
of virtually everyone on earth.

According to Kramer, the bug is, of course, NOT REALLY A
FUCKING BUG, at all! Noooooooooooooooooo. "It's, you
know, really a fucking FEATURE!!! 'Cept, of course,
it's only a fucking FEATURE for the employees of
Netscape who are stealing our precious bodily fluids."

According to Kramer, who's been a drug dealer long
enough to fully understand the workings of the
capitalist mind, the contents of one's hard drive, and
one's precious bodily fluids, are "exactly synonymous
and the same, in a, you know, kinda' New Testament
metaphorical kinda' way."

Following the incontrovertible proof by several other
drug dealer surfers that the bug/trapdoor in Netscape,
both existed and was utterly un-fixable without a
complete re-write from scratch, in pure,
machine-specific machine code, Netscape Director of
Technology or whatever, Marc Andreessen, announced he
would leave the company and software altogether,
immediately, "And wander the earth, letting people eat
my flesh and drink my blood until they are saved, or
whatever."

Following Andreessen's announcement, Netscape
Communications announced it would close its doors for
good at the end of the day, rather than rewrite Netscape
code from scratch.

Companies like CNET, RealAudio, and Macromedia, were
quick to follow suit, shutting down their websites
entirely and firing their entire online divisions.

And, in a survey just completed early this afternoon,
99% of all 30 million users of the web, questioned by
email, responded that they would immediately cease all
use of the World Wide Web, and immediately return to
using what they'd been using before -- old stained
copies of "Hustler," "Playboy," and "Cigar Aficionado."