You will need to sign on with your LLLID (La Leche League ID) before you can post. If you have never claimed your LLLID, create your LLLID now. To sign in, click the LLLID Sign On button in the upper right corner. Enter your LLLID Alias and click the button again.

Leaving LO with mother in law for the weekend

My DH and I are spending a weekend away from our 6 month old who is exclusively breastfed. My mother in law seems to think all babies need formula and everytime we see her she feels the need to bottle feed our son despite my telling her he needs to nurse etc. Any suggestions on how to handle her while we are home? Our son has a severe milk protein allergy so if he ever takes formula is has to be soy. I'm afraid if I don't bring any, she will just go buy some and it will be the wrong kind. Thanks so much!

Re: Leaving LO with mother in law for the weekend

Any chance of bringing the baby with you? I personally wouldn't feel comfortable leaving such a young baby, particularly with someone who you don't feel can be trusted to follow your instructions. And if she came over and insisted on feeding my baby a bottle, I'd simply unbutton my blouse and latch the baby on, and inform her that if she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is!

If you do leave your LO with your MIL, I suggest getting a written note from your doctor specifying that the baby is to be fed breastmilk or soy formula ONLY. The older generations are often very respectful of medical advice.

Re: Leaving LO with mother in law for the weekend

We are currently stationed away from "home" and will be returning home for a wedding etc and when his mother asked me to leave the baby with him since he is staying for a month he told her that was a "no-go" because I was still nursing and when she expressed frustration he told her that nursing is what is best for the baby and she would have to support us in that. I am hoping since we will be there for a few days before leaving him with her, I can show her how I want things done as well as observe how she handles them. It is difficult because I know she wants to spend time with him since we live so far away but I want to make sure she is doing things how DH and I do them. Thanks for the thought about a note from the doctor, I will have to try that too!

Re: Leaving LO with mother in law for the weekend

I am glad your DH stands up for you and the baby. That is such an asset!

It always bewilders me when a grandparent wants to spend time with the baby, and doesn't consider time spent with the baby AND the baby's parents to be even better than being solo with the baby. Is it that hard to bond with your grandchild when there are other people around? Honestly, I think the best way to deal with grabby grandmas is to just be firm. If grandma wants alone time with YOUR baby, she has to follow YOUR rules!

I hope that your MIL can get with your program. If not, I would consider just taking the baby with you, and using a sitter when necessary. You'll never be sorry you did, even if it means that the event you're going to isn't quite what you envisioned.

Re: Leaving LO with mother in law for the weekend

She proposed you voluntarily be separated from your 6 month old baby for a month!?! That is a LONG time for mom and baby to be apart at such a young age. Could she come visit you for a few days to see the baby? I'm a little shocked that a grandparent would propose such a long separation.

On another note- it sounds like bottle feeding may have been something that was special to her as a mother and have nostalgic memories. Do you think being able to feed baby your expressed milk in a bottle may satisfy her so she won't go running for the formula? The act may be more important to her than the contents of the bottle?

DS "milk monster" 2/7/13
Abscess didn't stop us nursing!
DH 6/26/10 is the best support

Re: Leaving LO with mother in law for the weekend

I plan on bring expressed milk for her to feed him, I am just afraid she won't use it. I am hoping that after talking with my husband last night and having him on board we can have a talk with her once we get there and express our wishes and let her know that if she isn't able to support that then he will be coming with us and that is that. Thanks so much for the valuable feedback!

Re: Leaving LO with mother in law for the weekend

Do you really think she would do that? Go out and buy a can of whatever formula she wants and feed it to your baby? If that is true, I wouldn't leave my baby with such a person.

When I left my son with his grandparents at 10mo he was still primarily getting breastmilk but was used to the bottle due to daycare. I trusted my parents to follow my instructions exactly. My mother practiced giving a bottle of expressed milk and putting DS down to sleep the day before we left. We came up with a game plan for middle of the night bottles, too. Before we left we agreed on exactly how bottle feeding was going to go, like how many ounces per bottle, how long to wait between, when to offer an extra ounce to top off, how/when to thaw it, how to warm it, etc. I had it all written down for them, so they were confident and didn't have to make many decisions on their own.

Re: Leaving LO with mother in law for the weekend

I'd also give her a couple of trial runs. Making a bottle of your expressed milk, feeding baby, etc. So much of the last generations information is so badly outdated and misinformed, I'd require to see her do it correctly with my own eyes. If she doesn't, fusses with the fact that it's "your milk", tries to microwave it, etc. and if she protests when you correct her, I'd take baby with you. If she seems open to what you're saying, seems truly interested in learning how to take care of her grandchild, then you might be able to rest easy.

Either way - don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Trust your Mommy instincts. Caring for your baby is more important than making MIL feel better.