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A common mistake made in Indian schools is to think that the times tables are said with the word "za" or "zaa". In reality there is no such word. Za is actually "s are"So 2 2 za 4 is actually 2 2s are 4

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In reality it is:2 2's are 43 2's are 64 2's are 85 2's are 106 2's are 12

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A non-vegetarian with an unusual appetite for larger animals (dog, cat, rabbit, horse, etc.), but a fear of consuming smaller species like maggots or molluscs, and certain anatomical parts of smaller species like monkey brain, chicken's behind, etc.

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She needs to know which side of that turkey is the neck. You see she's a pherandatarian.

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A bunch of veteran filim personalities who form the jury to decide if a new movie is fit for the masses, the shadows or the dustbin. They are a fickle lot as their judgement is often impaired by having coffee with politicians, religious leaders and moral policemen and women. Many a filim producer has bled to bankruptcy over disputes with the board. The censar board will award certification such as A, U, R & U/A. Everyone in modern India may not agree with the "cuts" specially in Hollywood movies as the Bollywood counterparts can get away with worse and still come with with a "U"

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Poor kamalakasan.. His latest filim was banned by the censar board and he has been fighting it out in the courts. He has said he may leave the country as soon as he can pay for his flight tickets. Hey Ram! Why can't this censar board go jump!

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In the days before photocopying a.k.a. Xeroxing and computers, mass printing/producing paper materials involved either carbon paper and a typewriter (many times over with a patient and accurate typist) or a cyclostyle machine. Headmasters and principals' offices in schools and colleges around the country buzzed with a familiar metal-meets-paper thwacking sound as dreaded exam papers were produced, under the watchful eye of a peon or administrative assistant (usually named something like Murugan or Philomena).

The process was thus:1. Create the master stencil by using a pen with a little toothed wheel on it that perforates the paper creating small holes under the text. For really important exams (e.g. national boards like the ICSE) the governing body would splurge on the typewriter equivalent of the same, substituting poorly typeset text for poorly written text.2. Fill the cyclostyle machine with printers ink, attach the master stencil (whose holes get filled with said ink), and start cranking.3. Mostly legible copies of exam papers, syllabi, legal documents, ekc. (ekcetera) are spat out, with the illegible parts written over with a pen at a later time (sometimes during the exam when students raise the issue of not being able to read the question for whom an answer is being asked).

While a novel solution to a common academic and legal problem, the cyclostyle machine had some distinct...uhh, shortcomings - the process was messy (picture school peons with their hands & arms/uniforms covered in ink), imprecise (text would get smudged as the master stencil's holes wore out), and for some Godforsaken reason the process required the use of substandard copy paper which more closely resembled paper mache produced in an SUPW class than that befitting an important exam paper. Picture your pen puncturing a hole in a soft spot in the paper precisely on the elusive 'x' you just solved for in your final exam maths paper, or your pen's ink involuntarily blotting itself on your answer that explains the dagger scene in Macbeth.

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Mr. Campbell: Muthu, I have finished the second term English Literature exam paper - please cyclostyle 64 copies so that we have 2 extra.Peon: Saar wokay saar.Peon (20 minutes later): Saar the stencil has started smudging ink, inondhu kodthaidhiya (are you giving me one more)?Mr. Campbell: @#$%! No time to get the cyclostyle machine serviced from Shri Ganesha Printers (Pvt. Ltd.) in Hospet, I will get Nancy M'am to write another stencil paper.

Student 1: @#$%! My Parker pen blotted ink on top of my hech where I solved the equation, now I can't tell my 'h' from my 'X' (chi).Student 2 (pulling the nib out of a freshly made hole in his paper): Saala kutha, stupid cyclostyle paper!

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Keeping with the grand Indian tradition of referring to horrific medical conditions with casual nonchalance, piles & fistula clinics abound, dotting the countryside with their speculum wizardry and promising to reverse the downside of eating spicy carb-heavy food that tax your gastrointestinal system to the max. Aiyo!

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Venu: That Chettinad chicken, sora puttu, and neyappam curry I ate yesterday has been gushing out as I sit on the throne today, yaar. It feels like I am constantly sitting on a bonda, I may have damaged my kundi!Dr. Murthy: I see. I'm going to refer you to Dr. Mehboob's piles & fistula clinic in RT Nagar. Drink a lot of water, eat one idli and see him first thing in the morning. I will give you a character certificate and he will take care of you, cent percent.