Oh gosh and golly-gee. Tubularsock was sitting in his top floor corner office in his under ground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C from Oakland, CA musing over a couple of articles from the Huffington Post.

Tubularsock can’t really say many good things about the Huffington Post but on a day like today Tubularsock will read anything.

And these articles jumped out and landed on the desk so Tubularsock thought he’d put them into a verbal collage to see just what would happen.

The first article was about how “people” are not happy with Nicki Minaj’s new video.

Wow! Now there’s some “news”!

So Tubularsock put on his Cultural-Investigative-Reporter-Hat and went to work.

Admittedly Tubularsock is a bit out of the loop because Tubularsock didn’t know who Nicki Minaj happened to be. Now how in the fuck did Tubularsock miss this?

Well come to find out Nicki is a rather famous singer. Or Tubularsock thinks that what she does. Her videos are ……… well ah ……. she’s listed under music on YouTube anyway. Or maybe Tubularsock should say she isn’t Guy Lombardo.

Tubularsock likes rap as a form and the beat is hot but the lyrics get a little boring unless they are actually saying something.

Nicki’s lyrics do have a nice rhyme to them but the subject matter is well here’s an example:

“This dude named Michael

used to ride motorcycles

Dick bigger than a tower,

I ain’t talking about Eiffel’s

Real country-ass nigga,

let me play with his rifle

Pussy put his ass to sleep,

now he calling me NyQuil . . .”

Tubularsock can’t wait for NyQuil to pick up Nicki for an advertising contract. Hey! Like it could happen at the Super-Bowl!

Or maybe this “song” Anaconda could end up like one of those wedding song the bride and groom sing to each other after the ceremony. You know they may have to change some names around but the wedding consultant deals with that! Like it could happen!

That was her old video. Her new video is the “song” Only.

And I’ll bet you can not guess what people are “UNHAPPY” about in this new video.

Yep. You guessed it ……………. The Video included Nazi Imagery!

Oh Yeah! Wow, can’t have that now can we ……… I guess it clashes with the lyrics like,

“YoI never fucked Wayne never fucked Drake

On my life man fuck sake

If I did I’d Minaj with wid’ him and let ‘em eat my ass

like a cupcake

My man full he just ate. . .”

The social media went off the deep end about the Nazi shit but seemed to miss the lyrics as objectionable. But if Nicki’s life man doesn’t give a shit Tubularsock isn’t going to get work up over it! It did make Tubularsock sit back and wonder about “our” cultural priorities. But on the other-hand Drake rhymes well with sake and cupcake so all’s good.

Tubularsock figures people noticed how close our country is coming into it’s Nazi phase and have become alarmed. Yeah, right! But on the other-hand Nazi phase rhymes with USA so all’s good.

Now Tubularsock realizes that to transition into the second subject will seem like “A Tube Leap Forward” but trust Tubularsock here and we’ll end up in China.

And yes, as difficult as it may appear …….. there is a connection, or at least in Tubularsock’s mind. (scary isn’t it)

You know that Obummer and Putin are party’en down in China at the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation forum. And hey, they spoke to each other for a good twenty minutes. You know there isn’t a lot to say about economic cooperation when Obummer is pushing economic sanctions against Putin.

HEY GUYS, THAT’S TUBULARSOCK’S iPAD.

But that is the boring part!

No the part of all of this China stuff that Tubularsock wants to bring to your attention is Putin hit’en on Peng Liyuan, China’s First Lady.

(L TO R) Putin, Tubularsock, Xi Jinping, Peng Liyuan.

According to the Washington Times Putin presented Peng Liyuan a bouquet of flowers at a public event! There’s that Putin right out there with the hustle, right?

BUT LATER at the opening dinner for the APEC forum Putin was sitting next to Peng Liyuan and he got up and draped his coat over her shoulders because she was cold.

Or as the Washington Times put it:

With zero hesitation, Putin stood up, grasped his tan coat with both hands and draped it over the Chinese first lady’s delicate shoulders.

It was move that oozed smooth, though skirting dangerously close to flirtatious. (Cue jokes about Russian aggressions.)

Peng, faced with the awkward prospect of sitting through dinner beside her husband with another man’s coat around her shoulders, handled it quickly.

After five seconds — long enough perhaps to show appreciation for the chivalry, short enough not to call attention to the awkwardness of it all — she stood up, discreetly handed Putin’s coat to an attendant and slipped on another jacket.

Now what struck Tubularsock about all this is that there was a time in our cultural history that a man who gave flowers to a woman or took it upon himself to drape a coat over the shoulders of a friend that was cold was considered to be chivalrous.

So you see how the times have changed and it may be considered “old-fashioned” but it does not mean that Putin was “hit’en” on her!

No hit’en on her in our modern culture today would require that Putin say loving words in her ear like,

This dude named Vlad used to ride motorcycles

Dick bigger than a tower,

I ain’t talking about Eiffel’s

Oh, and Tubularsock suspects he’d have to do that in Chinese:

这家伙名叫弗拉德用来骑摩托车

迪克 · 比塔

我不在谈论埃菲尔的

(Bing translation)

Oh well, Tubularsock is just going to have to get with it and get modern

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Oh my…oh holymotherofshitstains, Batman…er, Tubeman…You forgot to pass out the eye bleach at the end of the post..! My eyes…my brain…the pain! >.<

I wasn't aware that such a thing as a Minaj actually existed. I saw another head(bending)line about a new Loch Ness Monster sighting yesterday so I suppose there is just no end to nature's miracles, surprises and uhm…genetic glitches, eh?

For whatever it's worth, I have some old vinyls here with tunes from the 20's and 30's…Some of the lyrics are just as explicit and vulgar – tho somewhat better styled than the lyrics you've quoted. I highly doubt that any of the early artists were found to be newsworthy and they certainly would not have gained mention by any respectable publication. On that count, there has been a definite decline in what we value and deem important.

As for Obama, Putin and the chivalrous coat-draping? Alls I can figure is that it must be one HELL of a slow news day or the else the folks at WaPo are starting their holiday celebrating early and are too hung over to bother with pesky tasks like investigative reporting or actual journalistic-type work…

MBW any tunes from the 20’s and 30’s could not hold a candle to Minaj’s explicit direction but I agree that they were styled better without a doubt. Of course the society was a bit more closed down ……. at least in public. And yes, the under-the-counter nature of the times at least kept it out of the direct exposure to everybody. One had to go looking for it rather than having it splashed all over the counter.

Now Tubularsock knows how to turn off his audio equipment so there is no issue with that and Tubularsock is not opposed to explicit material but my interest isn’t centered upon Minaj’s man eating her ass. To each their own but in terms of creative work it is a bit on the shallow end of the pool.

You are correct about the appearance of a slow news day but there is plenty, as you know, of news that needs to be discussed. And people do want to know but the power structure is such that this kind of crap is focused on to attempt to stay at the lowest common denominator.

And in this case Russia is once again the bad guy so Putin couldn’t do anything correctly. Kissing a baby would be interpreted as him being a pedophile!

So much for “truth, justice, and the American Way” …… wow talk about obscene!

“Yo! Uma break it down fo you
I got no fucking man to screw.
When you see me humping
I ain’t fucking cumming.
Whassa bad gurl gotta do
to git paid fo the lyrics that I spew?
Come on now and give it a try.
You know I spit the truth, I don’t lie
I’ll tellya sumthing that you might not know
I gits my money honest ‘cause I ain’t no ho!”

ROTFLMRAO!=Rolling on the floor laughing my rapping ass off!

Hey Tube! Do ya think I can give Minaj a run for her money? LOL!! Tube, I ain’t down with that shit either man! That’s messed up! The shit we focus on while the world is on fire. Some two-bit over-indulged ho gets the attention that she went for ’cause if you’re not getting attention, in the entertainment field, than that means you’re played out and on to the next. So, they got to keep the ‘image’ up and then ‘up’ the ante on that.
It’s all part of staying in the game and not going lame.
They keep that dough rolling in ’cause they know we like it when they sin.

And as for Putin’s chivalry seen as ‘problematic’, pish tosh on that shit! I’d prefer a gentleman of his caliber any day and I certainly would smack the shit out of my husband if another man had to notice my need and act on it and if hubby got upset, guess who’d be sleeping on the couch?

Thanks Tube! How do YOU do it? Keep out doing yourself? Another most excellent post!

Tubularsock, This all seems like middle school all over again. Focusing on totally significant shit like some poor soul wearing the same outfit TWICE! in one week, or who broke up with so-and-so — usually when I never knew they were dating anyway, or even who they were. Good times … I wouldn’t go through that again to win the Power Ball. (Even if it would guarantee world peace, equality, justice and universal human rights … I’d have to think about it.) Are we being deliberately infantilized (if that’s a word?) or is it compensatory for no longer taking responsibility for shit? Either way, thanks for a fine, if disturbing, post. I’d never keep up with any REAL news if not for your work! – Linda

Yeah Linda. It is middle school all over again. But remember most people live from their five-year-old selves when they are under stress. Tubularsock lives in the present and as the present moves he doesn’t tend to look back. And god damn never back to middle and high school!

Tubularsock is happy that he keeps you up to date with the trivial and trite. It’s good to be helpful.

Tube sweetheart, you’re an adorable mess and I luv ya! Don’t worry ’bout no tan man. I got yo back! I’d even take on Dr. Dre and he killed 2pac. So there! But just in case, have someone drive the Mercedes stretch around South Central for a few days, ta be sure! LMAO! If they don’t get smoked, we good! LOL!!

P.S. I know that you was serious with this one but I gotta thank you for all the fun I had with it. That’s why a box of Puffs is next to me, wiping tears of laughter. Thanks man! You DA MAN!!!

DrB The Washington Post isn’t immune from the sex card but the article was from The Washington Times which is a bit lower down the scale being founded by Sun Myung Moon and his Unification Church. It’s the Huffington Post that directed Tubularsock to the article.

Tubularsock doesn’t as a rule read the Washington Times but to give you a clue …. Ronald Reagan read it daily while he was President.

Well there is a great deal of thought put out about Chemtrails so why not Reservoirtrails or even Pharmaceuticaltrails! Hell, Tubularsock leaves no stone unturned. Which for a trailblazer, like yourself, is helpful because with all upturned stones Tubularsock’s path is an open book! However the stupid pills start at birth when “other people” define who “you” are and once “you” wake up to the fact that that definition doesn’t really fit who “you” really are they call “you” crazy. Fuck That!

Thank you for your comment …….. love your recent Thanksgiving blog about we are all immigrants except for Tubularsock because how can you be two places at once when you’re not anyplace at all?