STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — At age 3, Henry is more mature than he was at age 2.

Parents see this developmental advance when they reflect on the changes that have occurred in one year.

For instance, at age 3, Henry has a much bigger vocabulary, a better ability to walk and run, an increased understanding of what others mean, and much more control over his body.

He knows about taking turns and about sharing. He plays simple games. And he stays engaged longer when one of his parents is reading a book to him.

And Henry is ready for more independence. At age 2, he needed to be oppositional and negative in order to assert his independence. Now he is more confident and often less oppositional and more fun.

But, as many developmental psychologists point out, just as 2-year-olds turn into more difficult 2 ½-year-olds, threes also reach the 3 ½-year-old stage and become more challenging — again.

DRASTIC DIFFERENCE

Just a few months ago, Sarah was outgoing and friendly. At 3 ½, however, Sarah is more withdrawn and unpredictable. She has sudden outbursts of anger, has a sometimes-wicked temper and is whiny. Sarah’s parents wonder what happened as Sarah was progressing to more maturity so smoothly.

At 3 ½, Sarah, like other children at this stage, has become more bossy, whiny, and demanding. If her demands aren’t met, she may explode in rage accompanied by words and phrases her parents say she didn’t learn at home.

Her mother says she has turned into a monster. Her grandmother observes that Sarah’s major preoccupation is with disobeying. But, not only does Sarah disobey her parents and her grandmother, she also seems to need to control the adults in her life.

“Don’t sit there!” she yells at her mother. “Leave me alone!” she screams at her grandmother who is just trying to give her a bath. At this stage, children like Sarah — perhaps frustrated by the control exerted by all the adults around her — wants to feel in control sometimes, too.

KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT

So, while handling the 3-year-old is often relatively easy, dealing with the same child half way through the 3-year-old stage isn’t. Your best weapon as always with children is preparation. And the best preparation is to know what to expect.

If you expect this stage of rebellion and opposition, then you won’t be caught off guard and you will understand that it is part of the developmental process. Also, you won’t take it personally or worry that your child has regressed because you are an inadequate parent.

At age 3, when you asked him to put away his toys and come to dinner, he might have compliantly agreed, while at 3 ½, you’re likely to be greeted with: “No, poopy-head!” followed by raucous laughter and running in the opposite direction.

This isn’t evidence that you lost all of your parenting skills. It’s an indication of the stage. But the best way of handling this new opposition and rebellion is to avoid a clash of wills and the head-to-head combat that can take place if you’re intent on crushing this rebellion.

HOW TO HANDLE

Since it is just a developmental stage, you don’t have to stamp out this opposition.

One way to effectively handle the 3 ½-year-old is to use requests, commands and directives well. For example, if you avoid an ultimatum (“Put your toys away right now”), you can back down without losing face. It’s better to say, “I would like to see you putting your toys in the toy box.”

A second way to deal with the child at this stage is to wave the magic wand of distraction. Talking to your child and distracting her with words will come in handy at all ages, but particularly at this time. If you anticipate resistance to getting ready for bed, then engage in a discussion of what you’re going to be doing tomorrow and how exciting tomorrow’s events will be.

For instance, describing the trip to the zoo and what you’ll see there will distract her sufficiently so she will barely realize she just got undressed and put on her pajamas. The beauty of this is that there are no orders, demands and ultimatums. And, no screaming opposition on the part of your child.