As your Mental Wellness Team we want to remind you that almost all of us
have a bunch of stuff that we have had a problem dealing with. Some of us
had a very bad childhood, or have felt the sting of rejection, or struggle
with self-esteem issues. Most of us deal with self-esteem issues. You may
have done some things you are not proud of or made decisions which were,
let’s be honest, less than perfect. Anyone who has been alive for a while
has been beaten around by life and probably carries a backpack of hurt or
pain or loss, grief or failure.

Why is it that we never learned how to deal with emotional issues growing
up? I learned a buttload of Geometry and Geography and English but no one
ever showed me how to deal with these feelings that are deep inside. Most
of us grow up learning how to cope with life from people who don’t really
know how to cope with life.

Let’s be honest, dealing with that stuff from your past isn’t easy. Like
you, I have heard hundreds of experts groan on about how their system or
mindset or new book on sale at Amazon will “transform your life in 8
weeks”. Real mental health clinicians usually take those claims with a
grain of salt. Anyone in my field can give you a formula for success and it
won’t take 8 weeks.

Knowing the right answers has very little to do with actual change. If
you have a major issue with anxiety or depression or abuse or any number of
mental challenges, it is going to take work and time. Oh ya,* real change
takes time*, and usually lots of it. But with the right tools and a
dedication to do whatever it takes, you can begin to experience
significant change in just a few months.

One of the reasons change takes time is because of this principle in
psychology: Real change begins with changing your mind, not your
activities or emotions. Most people want to change their situation or their
location or their income or any number of outside things. As I often tell
clients, change your mind and your butt will follow. It’s rarely the
other way around. There may be little you can do to change those people and
problems in your life which constantly try to push you down, and *knowing
that is very important*. We have all tried to fix others and eventually we
come to realize that at the end of the day, we can only work on ourselves.

As a part of your Mental Health Team I would like to challenge you to *deal
with your thoughts*, show you how to practice *taking back control of your
impulses, and help you *learn to address your dysfunctional coping skills
and thoughts. More on that later.

Hurting people can move forward. You may need to drag your emotions and
garbage and racing thoughts, kicking and screaming, back into your control.
You will have to fight your own dysfunctional thinking and learn to get
control of your mind, battle your obsessions, say no to your desires, and
question your own beliefs. This is a great deal of work and pain *but the
reward is sanity*, hope, and a shot at a happy life. As the saying goes, *we’re
not telling you it’s going to be easy, we’re telling you it will be worth
it*.

Don’t be discouraged. These things take time but, before very long, you
will begin to see positive results. You only have one precious life and
wouldn’t it be amazing if you could learn contentment and wisdom?

There are no shortcuts, contrary to what many people are selling. You can
begin today to make your life different. Some people are finished products
and have decided to settle for a broken life. Don’t be like those people.
To do so is to succumb to bitterness and misery, if not now then soon. So
begin right now. Begin small.

Talk to someone. Listen to an audiobook or sit in the sun and pretend to
read something good for you. Go back to school. Take on online course.
Watch a documentary. Learn enough about your own issues that you gradually
change, one experience at a time.

One of the coolest parts about being a counselor is the opportunity to walk
alongside people from that first frustrated, hopeless, impossible day; and
watch them gradually begin to morph. It may be virtually impossible to see
your own change, you live with that mess every day. I get to sit on the
outside and watch the genesis take place.

Then one day you walk into my office or table at a coffee shop and it
becomes apparent something is different. Neither of us can point to a time
or a day when things got this way, it seems to have happened by accident.
Most real change, in my experience, doesn’t come from an epiphany or
conversion experience. For the rest of us, there is only slogging forward
and hoping for the best. And on that day, you suddenly realize something a
few of us have noticed for months – you are changed, somehow.