Mr. Jacob Drum stated to Buffalo Police Officers that he had been kidnapped from Allston, MA and then sexually assaulted shortly after opening a checking account with Bank of America and subsequently overdrafting that account. After being questioned by members of the Buffalo Police Department and the Federal Bureau of Investigations, Jacob augmented his earlier statement and stated that he had, in fact, been forcibly and anally assaulted after making several attempts to reconcile his differences with the bank and their application of – in Jacob’s view – excessive overdraft fees and a “biggest check first” policy designed to generate more and greater overdraft fees.

INVESTIGATION:

TUESDAY, MAY 13, 2008 1330 INVESTIGATION

At the listed date and time, Sergeant J. Sandman contacted me via telephone. Sergeant Sandman stated he needed my assistance in conducting an interview. The person to be interviewed was a male subject who had been missing from Allston, MA after opening a checking account at the Bank of America branch located there at Commonwealth Avenue. Sergeant Sandman stated the subject had been located here in Buffalo for several months after the high cost of living and rampant pest animals had driven him from Allston permanently – except in the event of a championship won by the New York Yankees or a professional team from Western New York, in which event he would return briefly to gloat.

The subject had advised responding officers that he had been kidnapped and sexually assaulted by employees of Bank of America. Sergeant Sandman told me I would need to report to the intersection of North NE and Delaware Ave NE. I also needed to contact additional detectives and perhaps stop at a precinct station to pick up towels and additional first aid supplies, as there was an abundance of fluid at the scene – much more than necessary for evidence collection. I advised Sergeant Sandman I would be en route.

While en route to the intersection, I learned the male subject had been transported to Erie County Medical Center for the necessary blood transfusions, but that he was awake and speaking. When I arrived at the trauma ward, I learned that he was being interviewed by members of the FBI. At that time, Sergeant Sandman asked if I would like to sit in on the interview. I stated I would, provided the subject stopped spitting so much.

I dislike a spitter. After SARS, no man may call himself a spitter and my friend.

The following is a summary of the information obtained from Jacob during our (Sergeant Sandman and myself) involvement with the interview:

Jacob stated, he had been cleaning kitchen grease out from underneath his fingernails at the listed intersection after attempting to convince Bank of America employees (both at the local branch and via telephone hotline) that his story of personal slovenliness and fiscal irresponsibility was poignant enough to justify a remand of the overdraft fees assessed to his checking account between the dates of April 17 and May 12. He had several times made purchases using the debit card that came with his account when his recorded account balance – both available and adjusted for pending transactions – had been positive to an amount Jacob couldn’t remember because he “never keeps track of these things.” Due to the bank’s policies, transactions were recorded at seemingly arbitrary times, often far beyond the date they were made, making it an almost impossibly task – in Jacob’s view – to know, at any given time, just how much money he had to spend on frozen victuals and pornography.

Relations with bank employees soured and Jacob became irate. He threatened to switch banks. They told him they didn’t care. Jacob ordered them to close his account. Bank employees informed him that he would first need to pay them a sum totaling over one hundred (100) US dollars ($) to close his account. He stated he told them he would not pay the sum, that he could not pay the sum, that the entire sum of his personal wealth was the negative number bank employees had confronted him with. Bank employees informed Jacob they would assess additional fees for the period that his account was in the negative. At this time, Jacob lost control of his temper and most of his bodily functions (Evidence A, B, C, et al.). However, he stated that he paid the sum and left the bank branch office.

It was at or around 1130 when Jacob began sulking and cleaning his fingernails at the stated intersection. After a period of an hour or so, Jacob stated that he was grabbed by a multi-racial posse of Bank of America telephone operatives and thrown into the back of a van. His hands were tied with rope and a hood was placed over his head. Individuals in the van (unseen by Jacob) apparently stated multiple times that there had been a mistake, and that additional fees had been placed on his account, to be paid immediately and in person. Jacob was then taken from the van to a room that he believed to be a basement somewhere in the Bank of America headquarters in downtown Buffalo. The hood was removed from Jacob’s head but his hands remained tied. Jacob was placed on his stomach on a metal examination table and his pants were removed. His legs were tied with additional rope in “a classic spreadeagle” with “just a beauty of a knot setup, a real hell of a tie.” The telephone operatives then left the room.

After some time, two individuals entered the room – an elderly, overweight “Caucasian” male and an older, “Fantastically White, the Embodiment of ‘Patrician'” male. Jacob stated that the men sodomized and tortured him repeatedly for an unspecified period of hours using a variety of methods. (Subsequent medical examination would reveal that most of Jacob’s lower organs had been reduced to one long, straight cavity.) I asked Jacob if he had been bound by rope through the entire assault; he stated that he had. I asked Jacob if the men spoke during the assault; he said they stated repeatedly that he “owed them every last thing they wanted to take from me.” I asked Jacob if he’d heard anything during the assault. He stated that he had heard no outside noise but that the older male had hummed the theme from Love Story as he wielded the hot glue gun.

Investigators continued to question Jacob further about the events of the incident. At various times during questioning, Jacob became upset and sometimes flustered. Eventually, I informed Jacob that his statement did not seem credible and we (investigators) believed he had in fact fucked himself in the ass by refusing to maintain a scheduled budget and an insistence against keeping a proper check record.

The spitting began again, and I exited the room.

SUMMARY

Based on Jacob’s inability to identify his assailants, his inability to account for the discrepancies in his own accounting, and the fact that he’s generally not worth caring about vis-a-vis people with money, this case will be considered closed and unfounded, and Jacob’s bank balance will remain at zero until his monthly account fee places him back in the red where he belongs.

4 Responses to “Bank of America Can Go Straight to Hell…And Maybe So Can I”

Funny enough, I think that this story rings true to a lot of Bank of America’s ‘respected customers.’ In the case of my story, I was violated in the mouth repeatedly with a baseball bat until my jaw hung to the floor like a petrified Looney Tunes character and I had forked over $120 in overdraft fees. At which time I asked to be enrolled in Overdraft Protection to which I was told that I would need to wait 6-7 business days and purchase a 12-pack of “Lite on the Lube” condoms.

Hello, my name is Evelyn Segovia and I was writing you because I saw your article online. Here is my situation. About a week to two weeks ago, my husband and I received an economic stimulus check and we both endorsed the check and then deposited it via an ATM. The check cleared and we began spending it on necessities and a few other things that we had been wanting. Today, I looked online to see how much extra money I had (according to my records I should have had around 700.00) only to find that my account was overdrawn by $204.00. I looked at my transaction history to see that today, June 2nd my deposit of $900 was reversed. I could not believe this (nor could I begin to fathom why this would occur), so I called “Customer Service”. This phone call was a big disappointment as I was only told, “I am sorry for the inconvenience. Due to the large number of people stealing from each other, we are forced to do occasional audits on ATM deposits. If a check has a name that is not on the account, then the funds are removed from the account and a duplicate certified check is sent to the customer. You should wait for the check to come, and then take your husband into the nearest B of A with your I.D.’s and re-deposit the funds.” I was completely flabbergasted as my husband has made bi-weekly deposits into my account (with his company check) for the past year via to the ATM. The justification seems sketchy at best. When I asked them what I was supposed to do to pay for my 4 month old child’s formula or gas to go to work, the bank said that they don’t have that answer. They also informed me that they did not know when I would receive the check. They said it was dependent on the United States Postal Service which tells me that they didn’t even send the check certified so it could very easily get lost in the mail. To further my frustration, I am being charged a total of eight overdraft fees ($35 a piece) for transactions that posted after they took the money out of my account. Again, I am shocked because it is due to their mishandling that I did not have the money in my account. Is this legal? What are my options? Can they be required to compensate me for the fact that I can not feed my children, put gas in my car or anything else for that matter? This isn’t the first time something strange has happened. Deposits totaling more than $800 in the past year have randomly disappeared from my account. When confronted, their statement is simply the deposits were never made. When I had my employee go to the bank with receipts, they “apologized for the inconvenience” and issued the credits. What is going on? What can I do besides file a complaint with the BBB (already done)?

From the limited research I’ve done, it looks like you should go through the Federal Reserve Board complaint process, the Office of the Ombudsman at the Federal Deposit Insurance Commission, the office of the Comptroller of the Currency, or through your state Banking Commission. There are also a number of consumers’ rights organizations to work with like Public Interest Research Group (PIRG). I’d say your best bet is to start by switching from Bank of America as soon as possible, hold onto all the documentation of your experience with them, and then complain as loudly and often as you can to as many people as you can. It may take awhile, but there are people out there who will help you and fight for you. Just stay on it.