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Thursday, December 20, 2007

I Have Discovered Industrial Grade Panty Remover!

Okay, I can't take credit for it. Especially since I didn't buy this album until, you know, a year after it was popular. But holy damn, have you heard Robin Thicke's "Lost Without U"? The substitution of "U" for "you" guarantees that he's bringing the funk. But this might seriously be the sexiest song I've ever heard. I had to concentrate real hard to not swoon and drive off the road while I was listening to it in the car, and that was before I even knew what the guy looks like (a grade A certified fox, that's what he looks like). LISTEN HERE. And then find yourself a cool drink. Or a man.

Speaking of men, today I'm going to share with you a very special list. A list that will go down in history as being the most pervy thing ever, except those ten pictures of people getting it on that Brynn Paulin put on her blog earlier this week. Today, I bring to you, the list of the top fourteen guys over fifty that I would totally get on. Yeah, I know it was supposed to be fifteen, but turns out Michael Stipe is actually 47. Who knew?

14. David Hasselhoff Pro: Think of the blog entry that would make for, my friends.Con: Crying into my pillow every night, ashamed to face what I had done.

13. Billy ConnellyPro: Would most likely be the funniest sex ever.Con: May be smothered in his trademark facial hair.

12. Simon CowellPro: Looks pretty good for being older than my mom.Con: Is the devil.

11. Roger DaltreyPro: Lead singer of The Who, world's greatest rock band ever.Con: One full inch shorter than me.

10. Martin ShawPro: Was in that awesome "The Professionals" show from the UK.Con: Vegan, into Yoga and being healthy, also spiritual. If I wanted to fuck Sting, I'd just fuck Sting, okay?

That's it. You can use this handy list for just about anything. Especially Christmas and Birthday shopping. For me. And remember, nylon ropes cut off circulation, so only wrap my presents in organic fibers that have some give.

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I love that my readers want to buy my books out of support/curiosity. Any books I have written will be under Jennifer Armintrout/Abigail Barnette/Jenny Trout. I have no other pen names, and books without those names on them were not written by me, even if the spelling is really, really close.

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This is the official blog of Jenny Trout, writer, swearer, and all around obscene person. Under the name Jennifer Armintrout, I wrote USA Today Bestselling fantasy/urban fantasy/paranormal romance. Under the pseudonym Abigail Barnette, I write award-winning romance and erotic romance, both historical and contemporary.

What you can expect to find here in 2013:

Chapter-by-chapter recaps of 50 Shades Freed

Updates on my free online erotic romance serial, The Boss

An in-depth re-watch of the entire series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

The occasional post about cake

Lots of swearing

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Say whatever you want, but if it's abusive, racist, misogynistic, or generally jerky, be prepared for other commenters to rip you apart. I am fully prepared to watch you guys eat each other. Spam comments will also be eaten, because I fucking love Spam.

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I'm mentally ill!

I suffer from depression, anxiety, OCD, OTD, and self-harm. Do you? Don't be embarrassed about it, okay? It's not your fault.

I find that when I'm down, I can stave off a total crash by listening to music. This is the music that helps me. Maybe it will help you, too. This is my "Get The @#$% Out Of Here, Depression!" playlist on Spotify.