You’re Not “Just A Mom”

One of the comments I hear from women over and over again who don’t work outside the home is that they are “just a mom”. Please, let me be clear, you aren’t “just a mom”. You are serving an integral role in society raising your children, volunteering at their schools and at your church, and being a part of society. It almost feels like beating someone into the ground when you talk to someone who is a stay at home mom, and they say that they are “just a mom”. Let’s talk about what “just a mom” does:

“Just a Mom”?

Budgeting – Managing the financial balance between all of the kids’ extracurricular activities, and the needs of the household, including groceries, home repair, and wardrobes for those ever-growing kids.

Taxi driving- You probably put gazillions of miles on your car, driving those kids back and forth to school, doctor’s appointments, and activities. This can likely take hours each day.

Managing Complex Schedules – I don’t know about your house, but some days require a degree in logistics between drop-offs and pick ups. Chances are, if you’re “just a mom” you don’t have someone who helps you do this like I do.

Managing a house, keeping it clean, laundry done, meals cooked, and food in the pantry- Let’s be honest. Laundry for a family of 4, 5, or 6 can take a couple of hours a day. Never mind folding, and putting it away. Cooking meals, keeping kids fed, and keeping a house clean also all take time. Most of my friends who are stay at home moms don’t have additional help with their household chores.

Volunteer in the community – Most moms I know, volunteer quite a bit in the community. Maybe not all, but if you factor in how much time their other activities take, and add in the hours of being a classroom parent, reader in the classroom, or volunteer at church, many times it is nearly a full time job in itself.

I think that it’s important to have respect for everyone, and appreciate that we all come to the table with different abilities. Dads, and men- this goes for you too. Just because someone has opted to leave the workforce to stay home with their children does not make them less of a person. Please don’t assume that when you meet me that since I do a gazillion, bazillion other things that I’m going to look down on you for choosing a different path. We’re all wired differently, and that’s part of what is so much fun in life- being different!

What do you think? Can we be at peace with one another, and quit making negative comments about people who make different decisions?

Post navigation

2 Comments

Honestly, it took me a while to figure out that people will make negative comments about other’s work/home balance because they’re uncomfortable with their own decision. If you’re happy with your personal decision, then you don’t feel the “need” to put down some one else’s decision to make yours look like the better choice.
I thought this article was good (http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/), until he said that “more time a mother can spend raising her kids, the better”. Which implies that we’re less of a person because we aren’t spending all of our time raising our kids? What if dad stays at home, is that not as good as mom staying home?
We all want what’s best for our kids. And what’s best for our kids is to keep them healthy, happy and teach them to respect others. Eventually, we’ll learn.

Nicole that’s true. I’ve also heard stay-at-home moms putting themselves down for not working outside the home. Honestly, who am I to judge what works for your family? I’ve heard three different moms make comments like this lately, as in “I’m not good enough” to work outside the home. Say what? Makes my head spin.