About Me

If you saw me on the street you probably wouldn’t give me a second look. People always say they recognize me from somewhere, but can never place it. I am no one and everyone at the same time. And while on the surface my life may appear about as average and mundane as anyone’s, the way in which I view the world is far from normal. I thoroughly enjoy public confrontation and the awkward moments that stem from it. I am readily amused by the eccentricity, poor judgment, and general oddity of my fellow man. I sincerely appreciate all of the beauty in this world, but find true solace in the raw fallibility of mankind. I’ve established this blog to capture the essence of the world as I see it, in all its dysfunctional glory.

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Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Kate's Pregnant - So F*cking What?

I turned on the news this morning and all they could talk
about was the pregnancy of Kate Middleton: when she conceived, speculation over
where she conceived, how she has horrible morning sickness, how all of England
is rejoicing at the news, blah blah blah.Why the f*ck do people care so much about this couple?They’re the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge,
responsible for absolutely nothing.But
he’s next in line for the crown.So
what?The royals play a purely ceremonial
role in the government of England.Meaning they have absolutely nothing to do with the government of
England.They’re like the Paris Hiltons
of the U.K. - famous for nothing other than being rich and famous.So I flip off the TV and head to the gym.I settle in on my stationary bike and what do
you suppose the two ladies next to me are talking about?The pregnancy of Kate Middleton, of course:“Oh, it’s so great that Kate’s (like they’re
on a first basis w/ her) pregnant, what fantastic news.I’m so happy for her.”Bitch – you’re not even British.So I started to think about all the things I
care even less about than the pregnancy of Kate Middleton (which was actually a
really hard list to come up with, but here goes):

1)Where you hid your elf on the shelf last night
(seriously – who cares?Besides that
thing’s creepy).

2)Who’s starting for the Jets at QB this week (honestly
- does it really matter?).

3)What you’re thankful for (30 days of
thanks?Enough already).

4)Global warming (it’s a lie in case you were
wondering).

5)How many goals your kid scored on Saturday (it’s
AYSO – everyone plays – even says so in the slogan).

6)George Clooney’s thoughts on foreign policy (I
wish he would just stick to banging hot chicks and being sexy).