The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps outofher car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather andyouare losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.

Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, theblondesays brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of yourload.

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down thestreet.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.

All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocksonthe truck door.

The trucker rolls down the window.. Again she says "Hi, my name isHeather,and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the nextlight.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runsbackto the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in WISCONSIN and

I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The School Crossing sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain. The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.

Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign. It might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.

It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood: NUDIST COLONY - Go slow and watch out for the chicks!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

Now, what wuz I gunna talk about?

At 12:30 at night I'm not really leaning towards a very long dialogue.

I'm rather leaning towards the bedroom actually.

I'm mean I'm really leaning towards the bedroom.

I'm almost horizontal, I'm leaning so much.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What's that buzzing noise?

I thought I would get the diner started, and then go do some gaming, but I started the post about a half hour ago, and I have a bald spot on my head now from scratching my noggin so much.

I may not have a hair left by the time I finish it.

On the bright side though, I won't have to cut my hair anymore.

On the other side.... ..... Oops, it's bright too because of the glare of the sun.

I guess I don't have to worry because it'll be ALL-bright.

Nobody can ever call me Harry either.

They don't call me Harry now though.

Why would they, I'm not Harry?

I'm Confused......and tired.

Have a harry happy day everyboomie.

joe

_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Good morning everyone. Midge Hugs and sun on the way. Hubby and I see our Primary Dr. today, then to the hospital so hubby can have his port flushed. Tonight we are taking SIL out for her Birthday dinner. Her Birthday is later this month, but we will be at St. Pete Beach then. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Thursday. Danish and Waffles in the NC.

I seem to be in a wake-up-early-and-then-take-a-10 o'clock-nap cycle. Not a normal routine for me at all. The plus is I get to see hubby before he leaves for work, but the downside is by 9 a.m. I'm walking into walls.

I've had several cups of coffee but apparently someone stole all the wake-up power from ours.

Back after my brain wakes up.

_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras

Thanks for the chuckles Joe! I really needed some this morning. Long tale of strange goings on with that stupid empty house. After Hazmat put up the yellow caution tape so no one would enter because of a 'reported' mercury spill and contamination, no one has. Good. Been almost 2 months now. So yesterday, I get a visit from 2 guys supposedly from some 'cleanup' firm. Very not believable. Didn't tell them anything except the one phone number I'm sure they already had of the 'troublemaker' who really wants access. They asked all sorts of questions and I finally told them to call the Hazmat guys and gave them the business card.

Creepy because THEY said they were there to inspect and then if anything spilled they would call Hazmat????? Struck me really wrong with that one. AND the ID on one guy's pocket plastic clip was a California ID Card. Not a business ID a general, run of the mill ID card Calif. issues if you don't have a driver's license! AND the other guy couldn't seem to find HIS ID. Ohhhhhh. I hope I never see them again. AND they wanted MY last name. Nope...I think the troublemaker is up to no good again sending guys pretending to be 'officials' in hopes of getting into the house. What a mess! I'm so wanting to run and hide.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, but we are going all the way up to an uncomfortable 88 degrees later. The good news is that it's breezy which is making it real nice today.

This weekend we will be all the way down in the 50s for a high.

I can't wait. I guess Nan and Ana are sending me some of their weather.

I need cold weather to kill the tall grasses and weeds in the creek.

I'm going to work at 1:00 today. It's a short day (7hrs work), so I'll get off at 9:00 which means getting home at around 9:15, eating, showering & winding down, then getting to bed maybe by 10:30 to 11:00 and getting back up at 3:30 to be back at work by 5am.

To paraphrase all of that; UGH!!!

I hope you all have a muchos joyas day.

joe

_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

brrrrrrrrrrr morning. a little on the chilly side here. thank goodness for my electric fireplace .i have it turned on this morning. i am not ready for cold weather to set in. but my daughterinlaw is ready for the leaves all change and some snow on the ground so she can get going on taking senior pics for the granddaughter living with us. well now we got 10 new windows done and still have 5 small ones that need to be bought and done. then i can get my new doors and go look at the flooring we want to use in the front room and dining room and start on them. not going tobe able to do much today since having to tear down our big oak king size bed yesterday and moving it. my bedroom looks like a tornado went thru there