WHAT can I do to get my wife back? She left at the start of the year. We were married 30 years and we used to be childhood sweethearts.

There was no other man involved. She said she was fed up with my verbal abuse and wanted to live a different life.

Now I realise how much I love her and I've asked her to return or go with me to see a marriage counsellor but she refuses. She says she's happy on her own and doesn't want to change her mind. What should I do?

Verbal abuse destroys feelings of love in a relationship. She has probably become emotionally numb. It will take warm feelings a long time to return even if it's possible.

If you pressure your wife, you risk losing any chance of reconciliation.

Accept that she's not ready to return at this time, and it may be her permanent decision. That way you've accepted reality but you've also left the door open for reconciliation. Then focus on fixing your behaviour. What's to stop you seeing a counsellor on your own?