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Kevin Duffy: Psychologists agree society moving away from bully coach

on January 7, 2014

Photo: Frank Franklin II

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FILE - In this Tuesday, March 12, 2013 file photo, Rutgers head coach Mike Rice calls out to his team during the first half of an NCAA college basketball game against DePaul at the Big East Conference tournament, in New York. Rice was fired in early April 2013 for screaming at his players, calling them names, and kicking and shoving them. (AP Photo/Frank Franklin II, File) ORG XMIT: CAET244

It was Dec. 22 when Hearst Connecticut Newspapers published allegations made by Nick Zieniuk, a former UB baseball player, against the coaching staff. Zieniuk alleged that he was verbally abused, repeatedly called a "p---y" and told "you f----- suck" and essentially forced off the team by way of a questionable suspension.

One UB player supported Zieniuk's claims of abusive behavior. Several others denied ever hearing such belittling language. Most just wanted nothing to do with the story. I get that.

What I don't get is the university's refusal to respond to two simple questions: Was there an internal investigation into the behavior of head baseball coach Joe Tonelli and his assistants, Mike DeLellis and Josh Parrow? And if there was, what was the outcome of the investigation?

Instead of answers, there has been silence. Except from another ex-UB player who felt compelled to share his experience. He had plenty to say.

"It's not so much abuse, but I've played for several coaches and have never heard a coach refer to his team as a bunch of c--ts," the former player said. "On a daily basis, these guys are letting it be known to the whole team that that's what they think of us. Our practices indoors would consist of them yelling at us and calling us p----s and a--holes. They would do this with the gymnasts literally practicing on the other side of the curtain."

The player, who spoke under the condition of anonymity, didn't feel "personally offended" by the alleged language.

"It's not like it ruined my day," he said.

But he didn't see a purpose behind it. And although he was gone when Zieniuk made accusations of targeted abusive language (it started this past fall, according to Zieniuk), the player sees how the environment at UB could adversely affect certain individuals.

"It was crazy," he said. "It was for no reason. I've never been on a team like that. ... I feel bad for kids that have to go there and they put on this whole show for you (as a recruit), and it ends up not being like that."

It's generally accepted that verbal abuse is a matter of interpretation. As renowned sports psychologist Alan Goldberg pointed out, "some kids are hard-wired to let that stuff roll off; they have thicker skin. Other kids are much more sensitive."

But few gain anything from expletive-laced rants like the ones being alleged at UB.

"Tell me something," said Goldberg, who is based in Springfield, Mass. "How is that going to help a player get better? You f----- suck. That's great. That helps a lot, coach.

"This old-school coaching (model) just says you have to be hard on athletes and yell and scream and demean to play at the next level, because that's what's necessary to make players mentally tough. And that's a myth. It's totally untrue. When a coach is coaching through fear, he or she does the opposite. You don't create mental toughness; you make (athletes) vulnerable to performance problems."

Goldberg, who has worked with athletes at all levels, believes sports society is experiencing a culture shift away from the bully coach because people are becoming more educated. Bill Cole, a California-based psychologist who has worked with Olympic athletes, agrees.

Neither Goldberg nor Cole advocates the coddling of athletes. Be demanding, not demeaning, Goldberg says. Know the different personalities, Cole says. Know how your words will affect the individual at which they're aimed, and also know how they'll affect everyone else present.

"You're trying to maintain a relationship with a person," Cole said. "So you have to ask yourself, `Is what I'm about to say going to enhance this person or ruin them?' "

Goldberg's take: "You draw the line (of abuse) by the relationship you've developed with your players. If you have a relationship built on caring and mutual respect, you can be as hard as you want. You can yell at players, but the better coaches do it in the context of a relationship. You don't use homophobic slurs. You don't use racial slurs. If you're going to be hard on your athletes, they have to know that you really care about them."

While detailing his allegations in several interviews with Hearst Connecticut Newspapers, Zieniuk made it clear that, from his perspective, his relationship with the UB coaching staff wasn't founded on caring or mutual respect. Unsurprisingly, the other ex-Purple Knight who came forward had similar feelings.

There's plenty reason for skepticism, though. Zieniuk left school and sought out counseling because of alleged targeted verbal abuse. Another ex-player is now alleging the coaches' behavior was highly unprofessional, and that their incessant use of "p---y" and "c--t" could be construed as abusive. Several others interviewed for the original story, all currently on the team, deny ever hearing such vulgarity.

Somebody's lying.

The stories don't add up because the motives don't align. In this new age, as momentum builds in the demise of the bully coach, even Cole concedes that there are "untold stories of high school and collegiate athletes mutinying against their coaches and maybe the coach didn't do a whole lot wrong other than have a favorite player or something like that."

Goldberg details the other side.

"I get emails and calls from parents and kids who are in college, who are in abusive situations with coaches, and the kids feel like they can't say anything," Goldberg said. "If they speak up, they fear their scholarship will be revoked."

What was said during UB baseball practices depends solely on who you talk to. But we can all agree on this: In letting these allegations hang without closure, the University of Bridgeport has about as much to gain as a coach who spends practice calling his team a bunch of (expletives).