Sunday, August 15, 2010

all this and no popcorn?

The flight from Charlotte, North Carolina to Richmond, Virginia is approximately forty minutes long.

However, the passengers on flight 1022 at 8:10 p.m. experienced a phenomenon not yet experienced by those grounded this fine evening. Time warp.

I swear, my flight was forty HOURS long.

Why? Because I was sitting in the back of the plane, sandwiched between "Opie" and "the Fan Man" (that's seriously how they introduced themselves to me). Opie looked like, well, a 16-year-old Opie from the Any Griffith Show. Gangly, red hair, the works. What was the most disheartening was that he didn't know from whence his nickname came. What is WRONG with American teenagers? Anyway, "the Fan Man" acquired his nickname in the security check (the check-point-Charlie, as my grandmother calls it). Apparently he brought a fan with him on the trip and he was checked by security. There you go.

They were part of a boy scout troupe on their way home from a six-day boating excursion in Florida. I knew they were going to be trouble from the moment I saw them. They were a group of eight people hurdling down the aisle toward me in their army-green t-shirts.

As the old saying goes, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." There was much teasing and guessing of ages involved. I'm sure they would have been a fun group if I weren't so drained from leaving my family and sitting in an airport by myself for three hours*.

During the respective forty hour flight, one of the guys asked me if I were a Christian. Random. I said yes, and a delightful but brief conversation ensued. As he was telling me that he was an Episcopalian, he pulled out a Mountain Dew. His buddy saw this and asked for a swig. They took turns sipping from the bottle.

It was in that moment I began to mentally create a list of things that Christian guys like. Prepare for some horribly stereotypical observations.

You just might be a Christian guy if...

1. You have an obsession with Mountain Dew or any other green soda beverage in the Mountain Dew family (i.e. Surge, Vault, Mountain Dew Blueberry Blast, etc.). The 7-11 Slurpee variations of these sodas also apply. 2. You consider the Bacconator the greatest piece of culinary artwork ever created. 3. You own a frisbee that glows, sparkles, talks, sings, whistles, what have you. 3b. You frequently play ultimate frisbee with your buddies. 4. You own a pair of Vans, or TOMS. 5. You have ever participated in a "Texas Pete" competition. Ladies, this is when the guys will take turns swigging from a hot sauce bottle. I've seen the aftermath, believe me...not pretty. 6. You play poker. 7. You own a hackey sack.8. You collect Star Wars action figures.9. You have ever sold popcorn or helped an elderly woman cross the street.10. Play basketball. In real life, or in video games. Also if you play video games. Not necessarily sport-related ones.

Girls, can you think of any I missed?Guys, feel free to create a list of your own for girls. Be nice.

Note: Participating in all or none of the above activities does not automatically make or break a Christian guy. These are just commonalities that I've noticed over the years. Of course, you're only a true Christian guy if you have accepted Christ into your heart. Just thought I'd clear that up. :)

*I did, however, run into a girlfriend from my old ballet dancing days. It was so great to catch up with her. She was sitting in first class though, and of course I was in D-25, the second to last row in the plane...