Bringing voice to the writings on my heart

Running on Empty

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. –Isaiah 40:29-31

As a mom of two littles, my life feels like I am constantly running a race on exhausted all the time. I have a 2-year-old son, Jude, and a 9-month-old daughter, Charlotte. When Jude was born, he really was the perfect baby. He slept through the night from the time he was born. He was so easy to get on a schedule and he ate so well. Life really was so easy with him. I remember thinking this mommy thing really wasn’t that hard. And then came my sweet princess Charlotte. From the beginning of my pregnancy she was very clearly different than Jude. The whole first trimester I was so miserably sick and nothing gave me relief. I actually lost 10 pounds in the beginning because I couldn’t keep anything down. It was horrible!!! After that, it was pretty smooth sailing from the second trimester all the way through labor and delivery. Then she was born and I have been living at a level of exhaustion I didn’t even know existed. To this day she is still not on a schedule and, at 9 months, has decided she only wants to nurse, will not eat real food and sleeping longer than a 4 hour stretch is out of the question. No matter what I do or what parenting method I try, this child refuses to conform. Please hear me when I say I love that little girl to pieces. I really do!!! And through the crying and sleepless night, God has really been teaching me something. He has been teaching me to rely on Him when it comes to my children. All I need to do is trust in him and listen when he speaks.

Being a mom is hard. There are so many people, books and methods telling us to do this and do that. And if our child doesn’t fit into a specific mold there must be something wrong with them or we are a bad mom. Sometimes both. I have relied so much on different methods or advice from others that I have forgotten to go back to the source. I’m not saying that books or advice are bad. They really can be helpful, but in the end, each child is unique and responds to different things. What worked great for Jude does not work for Charlotte and there is no better place to go for advice on raising her than the One who formed her.

God designed her and Jude and He knows best what they need. That’s why it is so important for me, as their mom, to be in continuous communication with Him. I need to go to Him when I am weak and He will give me what I need to continue. He loves my children more than I ever could. The truth is they are His and He has allowed me the great privilege of partnering with Him in raising them. That fact alone has brought new light to the way I raise my children. I know that God has big plans for Jude and Charlotte. I already see little glimpses right now and it blesses my socks off! So now I am committing to not rely on my own strength, but on the strength of the Lord. I am placing my children back in His hands and seeking Him daily (sometimes minute-by-minute) to show me how to best love each of my sweet babies how they need it. Only He truly knows and only He can give me the strength, wisdom and rest that I truly need!

I don’t know if I am alone in this boat or if you are right there with me. If you are then be encouraged! There is no “perfect” way to raise the little ones you have been entrusted with except for His Way. Remember that He is the one who knit them together in your womb (Psalms 139:13). Go to Him daily. Ask for His guidance and He will answer. He loves His children more than we could ever love them and He wants only the best for them. He has created them to do great things. He knows the plans He has for them. He has blessed you with those sweet little ones and you have to make the choice to place them back into his hands and allow him to show you how to love them the way He loves them!

God, Thank you for allowing me the great privilege of raising my children. Help me to remember what a blessing they are. As I seek you, give me the strength to continue the race each day. Show me how to love your little ones the way you do. Continue to guide me in how to be a better mommy. Thank you for loving me and loving them!