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I Was Recently Admitted To A Psychiatric Hospital And I Thought I’d Share My Experience

Back at the start of January, I found myself in a situation I had not been in for 2 years. After a period of decline in my mental health, I became very unwell.

I noticed I was spiraling down and sought support from A&E and mental health teams. After a while, they assessed that I was unsafe to stay at home. My partner and I waited for a little bit of time for the crisis team to find me a bed. Within a couple of hours, they rang to say they had found me a bed and I was admitted to the mental health assessment unit at our local hospital.

I was lucky in this aspect. Many times it can be a real struggle to get a bed. I was also lucky that my stay was relatively short and I am now back at home, awaiting support from community mental health.

I thought I would share my experience with you so that maybe I can break some of the stigma and perhaps give people a bit more insight. Hospital is often not as bad as many films and hearsay make it out to be. I want to spread the message that it’s okay to need extra support at times.

My hope is that reading this will empower people to speak out about their circumstances.

This is the room I was given, which was actually pretty comfortable. It was a little bit hot because I couldn’t turn off the radiator and my window barely opened more than an inch, for obvious safety reasons.

It was a basic room with lots of space, probably a bit too much for me, but it was meant to be wheelchair-accessible. They’ve tried to put an inspirational quote there, but it sort of peeled off.

Notice the plug sockets? I thought they were a bit redundant since I was not allowed any wires, because of the ligature risk. They’re actually for the domestic team to clean. There’s not a lot of places to tie anything onto; even the toilets don’t have proper seats.

Here’s a little glance outside my room and into the corridor. You can sort of see a tiny courtyard you can go out into during the day.

To the left, there was the nurse’s office and beyond that, the door to the outside world. I was in a locked ward, so even though I was an informal patient I couldn’t leave without being seen by a doctor.

You had to be careful because if you tried to leave that way, I’ve heard stories people being sectioned. Which means you could be held there against your will, for your own safety. This shouldn’t happen to you if you can prove you’re safe enough to be discharged. You will have to wait to speak to a doctor though.

The other way down the corridor. Behind that plastic window covered in drawings is the dining room. It’s open most of the day. There are tables where I spent a lot of time coloring and talking to other patients.

Also, I don’t know if you can see it, but in the top right corner, there’s a little round mirror. That’s for the nurses so they can see what’s going on around the corner. It’s actually a safety measure for them, but I used it to see how long the queue for medications was, whilst standing by my door.

This is a very small section of the day room, where we could come to watch TV. It’s much bigger, but I didn’t want to take any pictures of other people, because it’s illegal and they deserve their privacy.

You would absolutely love the terrible box the TV was encased in. They’d lost the remote controller so the only way we could change the channel was to find someone with slender arms. Also yes, that is Jeremy Kyle…

Back to my room. I got a sort of wardrobe thing to store my stuff.

I’m not really sure what the bit on the left is, because you clearly can’t hang anything up or it would be a ligature risk, once again.

I spent a lot of time rearranging it, when I got bored. There weren’t a lot of activities. This is probably because it was a short term ward and funding cuts have really taken their toll on the NHS.

So these are things the hospital provides. Pyjamas (I bring my own), shampoos, shower gel, a stress ball and that’s a bag of lavender I got from the relaxation lady (one of the only activities left).

Also there’s a little care plan they gave me to fill in, which was useful to evaluate my progress and helped me feel more involved in my care.

I always bring my own toiletries. If you’re a woman, you need to bring your own sanitary products as they don’t give them out in most parts of the NHS (thanks to underfunding). You won’t be allowed any sprays, so pack a roll-on deodorant.

I brought in my own entertainment, because I’ve been an inpatient enough times to know how boring it can be.

There’s a big word search book I always bring, a book I can get lost in and I also keep a journal. The journalling really helped me to grasp exactly what was going on with my emotions and how I was progressing. You wouldn’t always be allowed a pen unsupervised on all wards, but mine was relatively relaxed about this.

The green thing is called a tangle; it’s a twisty fidgety thing, which helps with anxiety.

On the third day, I had a meeting with the psychiatrist that didn’t go well. I felt like he wasn’t listening to anything I was saying and my anger got the better of me. I ended up storming out of the room. I spent the rest of the afternoon sobbing.

When one of the nurses came to check on me, she took my shoelaces off of me. I think she thought I might try and use them to ligature. I spent the rest of the week feeling a bit ridiculous. Amazingly they stayed on my feet though.

Here are a few arty things. The one on the left isn’t my art, I just colored it in. The creepy thing in the middle is my own creation. The picture of the bat was a gift from one of the other girls, who was drawing pictures of people’s favorite things to cheer them up.

Most of the other patients were really lovely and supportive. The same goes for the staff; their biggest crime was probably being overworked and tired. I felt sorry for one nurse, who was on her fifth long shift in a row.

This creepy drawing is based-off a weird delusion I sometimes have about 4th-dimensional beings, that are watching everything I do as though I’m some sort of experiment or subject.

It’s normally triggered when I’m under a lot of stress. The delusions were not why I was in the hospital, though. I’m diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I was in a period of deep depression and had been actively suicidal.

I’m feeling a lot better now and hope to return to work in a few weeks time.

I really wanted to give people a look into what it’s like to be admitted to a mental health unit so that maybe others don’t feel embarrassed to talk about it.

I’m so glad that I was supported by others to seek help in such a desperate time and I’m really grateful I’m still here.

About the author

Hi I'm Out of Darkness! I like to write for therapeutic reasons and also for enjoyment. I specialise in personal experience of mental health problems such as anxiety and borderline personality disorder. My goal is to get people talking and reaching out to others. I've also been running a blog about BPD since late 2018.

I am a nurse working in mental health hospitals. I know that no-one chooses to be with us, but I try hard to treat everyone with respect. I am sorry that you did not feel respected during your mental health crisis. Wards are awful, but as you point out, they are like that for a reason.

The sad thing is that the people like you who actually care, end up tired, overworked and stressed. But, you are doing a wonderful job and I have the utmost respect for you. Thank you for helping and giving it your all.

I think someone misunderstood the comment that "wards are awful - but like that for a reason". It is not a brilliant place if furniture is nailed down, you cant wear certain clothes, you cant have a hardback book, doors dont lock, curtains are velcroed and your pockets are checked and other restrictions - such as being observed 100% of the time. The "reason" is to remove potential for serious self-harm. I have worked in mental-health services previously, know that every effort is made by caring staff.

I was in a psychiatric for a week. The nurses were certainly not qualified to be in the medical profession and seemed to be there because it was the only place they could get a job. Physicians were a bit better but wanted to medicate patients quickly, get them out and next patient in. I now owe $4000 on top of my insurance to this filthy place. Wards are awful for a reason you say, what reason is that? You try to respect patients? You make me sick and you are one of the reasons mental health is declining. Do patients a favor and get a different job.

Thomasin, just because you had a bad experience with some nurses you met, doesn't mean that all of them are the same. Stop generalizing them cause for some people, being a nurse is their own choice and passion.

I think she didn't mean that there was a reason for being rude ir disrespectful to patients, but to the little details in the room, such as the windows that can't be opened or the lot of "forbidden" things, such as shoe laces. There are many idiots in all professions, but there are also lots who do their best. I've met terribly rude professionals, but also a lot of them who go out of their way to help others. The fact that you owe $4000 is not the nurses' fault, but a political decision. Apparently, many people in the USA like it, because they voted for a person who promised to dismantle any kind of affordable health insurance. It's a different problem. By the way, I do hope you have found some kind of help and you are better now.

Thomasin Grace, I do not know why you were in a psychiatric ward/clinic but it seems as though you chose not to cooperate at all, I would guess because you were in denial of having any psychiatric issues. If the problems one is experiencing is always everybody else's fault, then that in itself would be a valid reason to choose to have some in-depth talks with a psychiatrist. I sincerely hope that you are now well. Take good care of yourself.

when i was put on suicide watch since im a child they supplied everything and i couldnt have my phone hoodies shoes or hardback books because of past kids harming themselves with stuff like that and the no phone rule was for privacy all the chairs and tables were weighted down and the doors didnt lock the beds were naled to the ground and the curtains were velcrowed so you couldnt hang yourself we had to wear socks and clothes with no hoods or strings and they always checked our pockets im lucky i only stayed for a week because i missed going outside they didnt let us out because it was cold and rainy but we did go to a gym and the person there made us exersise to sunshine lolipops and rainbows bc its a happy song but i hate it so much i wanted to punch her while i was there they discovered i have insomnia and bipolar disorder it took them 2 monthes to actually find out i had deppression im typing this from school and im having a good day due to my depression meds i hope your stay was

I've heard lots of stories about other hospitals being extremely strict, especially for children and teenagers. The ward I was on is known for being particularly lax. They've gotten in trouble a fair few times for that.
Also that sunshine song is awful, I don't blame you for hating it. Sometimes when we're feeling bad it's horrible to see others so cheerful.

That song sounds kind of like the musical version of 'Be more positive! Why are you always so negative uwu' which is bad, because that's toxic positivity and it does not help at all when you're depressed or anxious.

I am a nurse working in mental health hospitals. I know that no-one chooses to be with us, but I try hard to treat everyone with respect. I am sorry that you did not feel respected during your mental health crisis. Wards are awful, but as you point out, they are like that for a reason.

The sad thing is that the people like you who actually care, end up tired, overworked and stressed. But, you are doing a wonderful job and I have the utmost respect for you. Thank you for helping and giving it your all.

I think someone misunderstood the comment that "wards are awful - but like that for a reason". It is not a brilliant place if furniture is nailed down, you cant wear certain clothes, you cant have a hardback book, doors dont lock, curtains are velcroed and your pockets are checked and other restrictions - such as being observed 100% of the time. The "reason" is to remove potential for serious self-harm. I have worked in mental-health services previously, know that every effort is made by caring staff.

I was in a psychiatric for a week. The nurses were certainly not qualified to be in the medical profession and seemed to be there because it was the only place they could get a job. Physicians were a bit better but wanted to medicate patients quickly, get them out and next patient in. I now owe $4000 on top of my insurance to this filthy place. Wards are awful for a reason you say, what reason is that? You try to respect patients? You make me sick and you are one of the reasons mental health is declining. Do patients a favor and get a different job.

Thomasin, just because you had a bad experience with some nurses you met, doesn't mean that all of them are the same. Stop generalizing them cause for some people, being a nurse is their own choice and passion.

I think she didn't mean that there was a reason for being rude ir disrespectful to patients, but to the little details in the room, such as the windows that can't be opened or the lot of "forbidden" things, such as shoe laces. There are many idiots in all professions, but there are also lots who do their best. I've met terribly rude professionals, but also a lot of them who go out of their way to help others. The fact that you owe $4000 is not the nurses' fault, but a political decision. Apparently, many people in the USA like it, because they voted for a person who promised to dismantle any kind of affordable health insurance. It's a different problem. By the way, I do hope you have found some kind of help and you are better now.

Thomasin Grace, I do not know why you were in a psychiatric ward/clinic but it seems as though you chose not to cooperate at all, I would guess because you were in denial of having any psychiatric issues. If the problems one is experiencing is always everybody else's fault, then that in itself would be a valid reason to choose to have some in-depth talks with a psychiatrist. I sincerely hope that you are now well. Take good care of yourself.

when i was put on suicide watch since im a child they supplied everything and i couldnt have my phone hoodies shoes or hardback books because of past kids harming themselves with stuff like that and the no phone rule was for privacy all the chairs and tables were weighted down and the doors didnt lock the beds were naled to the ground and the curtains were velcrowed so you couldnt hang yourself we had to wear socks and clothes with no hoods or strings and they always checked our pockets im lucky i only stayed for a week because i missed going outside they didnt let us out because it was cold and rainy but we did go to a gym and the person there made us exersise to sunshine lolipops and rainbows bc its a happy song but i hate it so much i wanted to punch her while i was there they discovered i have insomnia and bipolar disorder it took them 2 monthes to actually find out i had deppression im typing this from school and im having a good day due to my depression meds i hope your stay was

I've heard lots of stories about other hospitals being extremely strict, especially for children and teenagers. The ward I was on is known for being particularly lax. They've gotten in trouble a fair few times for that.
Also that sunshine song is awful, I don't blame you for hating it. Sometimes when we're feeling bad it's horrible to see others so cheerful.

That song sounds kind of like the musical version of 'Be more positive! Why are you always so negative uwu' which is bad, because that's toxic positivity and it does not help at all when you're depressed or anxious.