Hollywood’s Best/Worst Director to Make New Lousy Film

LOS ANGELES—In the largest deal ever made to shit out a movie, Warner
Bros. and director Michael Bay announced a landmark $50 million
agreement this week to monumentally fuck up ThunderCats.

"I couldn't be more excited to completely fuck this up," said Bay,
who plans to begin production on destroying the live-action adaptation
next month. "ThunderCats has a great story, endearing
characters, action, adventure, space-travel, and fantasy. It will be an
honor to run it into the ground."

"I'll use every directorial tool I have to suck the very life and
charm out of this beloved cartoon," added Bay, claiming that the film
could turn out to be the most colossal piece of shit he's ever worked
on. "I won't rest until I get every last scene exactly wrong."

Don't believe this story from The Onion? Check out breakfast, as directed by Bay: