i'm feeling boaty

5.04am

Yes, another night shift. Another car ride home from work at 3.30am. The car ride is fun.

– For some reason, I’m looking out of the window for any potential crime going on. Like I’d do something about it. Like I’m Batman.

– People kissing at the Angel Islington. They’re probably drunk, it’ll never last, etc. Still, I do love watching what happens in Angel, just because of the name. It’s such a headline friendly name. Every week the Highbury and Islington news run something like ‘Angel rape!’, as if heavenly bodies are being assaulted. Which frankly, seeing the women around here, they may be.

– The bizarre taxidermy supermarket – ‘Get Stuffed“, which has all its lights on at this time of night. Why? Is this their busy time? It’s not *really* as if the produce will give a stuff. A ha ha ha ha ha.

– As we roll up to my house, the birds sing for the first time I hear them, and loudly too. They seem to be saying ‘chippy chippy chippy chippy!’. But no chippy is open, and, you know, I’m not really in the mood for chips.

Back home, and I’m disappointed that there’s nothing on telly.

Someone really should do something about the standard of television between 3 and 6 in the morning.

I read Jon Ronson’s column, which leaves me giggling and slightly in awe – in awe in a quite bitter and jealous way – as they all do. I’m not sure at which exact point I’ll realise that I don’t actually Get to BE Jon Ronson or Dave Eggers or Dave Barry or Dorothy Parker this time around. But I still keep hoping I might, suddenly.

Right. Now it’s 5.35.

I’m thinking, as I did last week, about catching a bus right now and going into the middle of London to take photographs – so quiet, so tourist free, etc. But there’s also no sun. Tomorrow, I may finish reading through this pile of printed out archives I have, and decide what I should write more of (seriously, there’s a pile here the size of my face)

But right now, I want to go for a walk, I want to catch a bus and … oh, dear god, I think I’m about to fall asleep.

This hasn’t been funny at all.

Ok, then so funny.

10 punchlines:

1) “You should have seen him trying to put it back in!”

2) A stick.

3) Rupert the M1

4) That guy’s fucking menthol

5) The other one’s a tractor

6) Tony Blair

7) “I wished I had a tangerine for a head”

8) You see that nurse? I shagged her.

9) “Well, at least I don’t have cancer”

10) I wish I had Leukemia.

11) A spade

Supply the jokes yourself, if you know them.

Damn. I’m that kind of over-tired (between watching tv and going for a cigarette, it’s now 6.12am) that I should either go out for a walk or sleep, immediately for 12 hours.