Charles Walsh: Mascot, at least, can be fearsome

Published 5:52 pm, Friday, October 18, 2013

If I am not mistaken, the mascot of the high school from which I graduated (a fact I know some of you doubted) is now a horse. I am not sure of the type of horse, but it doesn't really matter.

It's time for a change.

Except for the smell and bathroom habits, I have every respect for horses. But, noble or not, face it, the horse is old hat when it comes to modern school animal mascots. When I went to high school our mascot was the eagle. Because our school color was crimson we were known as "The Crimson Eagles."

We still lost a lot of games, but being associated with a bird of prey made them somehow less painful. Why the mascot change was made I do not know, but it was a definite step backward as mascot aggression levels go. An eagle will swoop down and steal your baby in its talons, but all a horse can do is kick. Big deal.

I am sending a letter to the school's principal and the local board of education suggesting -- no, demanding -- a new symbol be chosen; one that will scare the bejesus out of our opponents.

The idea hit me after reading how the University of Connecticut changed the look of its longtime mascot, Jonathan the Husky. In April, seeking a "more powerful and aggressive" image, the UConn folks redrafted Jonathan's official portrait, eliminating the friendly, petable all-white poochie, in favor of a two-toned, wolf-like canine with vicious-looking lower fangs and eyes borrowed from a vampire. One assumes that the real husky dog the cheerleaders lead around on a leash at football games will soon be undergoing attack-dog training.

True, the new, more aggressive Jonathan seems to have had little impact so far on the football team's fortunes.

Sometimes viciousness needs to build up a head of steam. Or perhaps it is that name, Jonathan. The UConn husky was named after Gov. Jonathan Trumbull, who I am pretty sure never got into a bar fight or rammed a helmet into a quarterback's chin.

When we go for the new high school mascot there should be no doubt as to its fear-inducing ability, so here's my suggestion: the Flesh-Eating Dragons. Yeah.

The graphic I envision is one of those fearsome, twisty Chinese dragons, all coils, fins, claws and scales, with fire bellowing from the nostrils. In the dragon's mouth is a freshly severed human head. The type of head could change with the seasons. In the fall the head is wearing a football helmet. In the spring it is a head with a baseball cap. The winter is something of a problem since basketball players usually do not wear any distinctive headgear. We might have the dragon be heavily tattooed or look like LeBron James. I'll leave that up to the coaches.

The point is that school symbols these days must be intimidating. No more fuzzy bears or wacky looking yellow chickens. We want the public address announcers at our games to be saying things like, "OK, folks, here come the Flesh-Eating Dragons and -- whoa -- doesn't that head in the mouth look a lot like, yes, Eddie Schmorly, the Tiger's star running back! Good luck, Eddie."