“Clothes make the man,” Mark Twain once said; “Naked people have little or no influence on society.” If that’s true, than we can assume that wingtips make the serious man; sandals make the casual man; and Crocs, apparently, make people crazy.

The multimillionaire co-founder of Crocs shoes, George Boedecker, 51, was reportedly found passed out at the wheel of his Porsche in Boulder, Colo. on Sunday. When questioned by police, he launched into a rant of such epic proportions it could only have been induced, NewsFeed suspects, by longtime exposure to plastic footwear.

According to the police report obtained by The Smoking Gun, Boedecker first told officers that he hadn’t been driving. Taylor Swift, whom he claimed was his girlfriend, had actually been behind the wheel. Unfortunately, authorities had just missed the grammy-winning superstar; Boedecker explained that she ran away to “Nashville” after the couple got into an argument, while gesturing vaguely toward a neighboring backyard. (He also informed a paramedic that the 22-year-old multiplatinum recording artist was “bats— crazy.”)

But wait, it gets better.

Boedecker allegedly went on to give stubborn, expletive-laced responses to the officers’ queries–he warned things were going to get “medieval” if their line of questioning continued. He also exclaimed that he “couldn’t believe we were doing this after all he had done for this city” after the officers handcuffed him, and said that arresting Officer Patrick Vest was now his “enemy for life.”

According to the DUI Arrest form, Boedecker said his behavior, which allegedly included watery and bloodshot eyes, slurred speech and “fumbling fingers,” was the result of drinking “cocktails” at a recent benefit.

Boedecker was Crocs’ CEO from its beginnings in 2002 until early 2005, when he resigned three days before being arrested for threatening to slit his brother-in-law’s throat, reported Business 2.0 magazine. (The two sides settled, and charges were dismissed.) He now heads the Boedecker Foundation, which has nearly $58 million in assets, according to the group’s most recent tax return.

The final insult added to injury? Boedecker was apparently booked into jail that night wearing flip flops.