Sunday, August 28, 2011

Honestly, it wasn't that great. I was hot and tired. I hadn't eaten very much the day before which in retrospect was quite the unfortunate oversight. I felt oddly stressed out by the whole ordeal. Obviously, this was not a big deal. A local race. My first race at that. Why would I have any expectations other than just completing it.

But now that I have entered this whole running world, I have one more area to place unrealistic expectations on myself and then more evidence that I'm really not athletic.

See I told you so.

Jr. high volleyball was my first clue. High school tennis was another one. I could go on. Fighting the very genes that make you is exhausting. I'm "be just OK enough to participate but never quite rock it out" Girl.

Where's my cape?

Which then propels me to continue to embark on that challenge just to prove that I'm not as pathetic as I first thought. So the whole thing becomes, not about enjoying the run and being healthy, but about engaging in this weird inner-dialogue in which I simultaneously berate and encourage myself. I have these two needs that seem to be mutually exclusive, yet somehow cohabitate within my head. I need to beat myself down with jeering insults and then I need to prove to myself that I'm really not what I told myself I was. I think healthy people just deal with these things when they present themselves via other people. I just save other people the trouble.

All this to say, I have to run another dadgum 10K. I've entered in to this tolerate/hate realtionship with running and now I can't quit it. I should have seen this coming. I knew better.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

I'm running my first race this weekend. I'm still not convinced this is my thing. There are things that I really do love about running. The challenge. The time alone. The fact that all you have to do is walk out your door and you're there. But I've realized that I do need some sort of goal to work towards. But that requires commitment which I do not generally enjoy (the Lord and Kris being the notable exceptions.) And if I commit to another race in a few months that means that the race will occur when it is cold. And the chances of me going outside for extended periods of time while it is cold to train are not good. I know, I know--you warm up quickly but (and this is the part where I realize I have officially become my mother) I HATE being cold. Even really-not-that-cold-compared-to-Maryland-or-Minnesota-cold cold. So that is my dilemma. But maybe I'll love the race experience and I'll be hooked and I won't care if I have to be cold for a little while. I'll let you know.

Let's hear it for school starting! This means that the library, zoo, children's museum, and Chick-fil-a are back to being either way less crowded or crowded with people all about the size of my own children. I like this. While we miss Kris terribly now that he is back at work, we are soothing that pain with outings that do not involve crowds.

I think we are going to begin a modified pre-K/K program here at The Rives School for Higher Learning. Asher, in true firstborn fashion, is ready. He reads pretty well, he writes his name and can figure out how to spell a lot of words, and he is getting a handle on number concepts so I really need to take advantage of his eagerness. I ordered a kindergarten curriculum set a while back that is based on the classical model and I think it will be fairly easy to adapt it for this year. He is only 4 so I don't feel like we need to have an overly structured school day just yet but there is nothing like that youthful zeal to learn!

Do you know about Noonday Collection? There is a very good chance that I will have the opportunity soon to be involved with this amazing organization, Lord willing. I am so supportive of this business-model which the Sseko founder refers to as "not(just)for profit." In this model, businesses are not forced to "pick a side"--either exist to help people and do good OR exist to make money and grow. Noonday Collection, and many businesses like it, embrace the idea that BOTH are possible and preferable! I love it. It's encouraging to see how it is growing and the opportunities it presents to women all over the world.

And now, I will go rescue the pterydactel that is screeching in the other room. Or it might just be Simeon letting me know he is not napping this morning. I'll report back and let you know.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Nowadays, everything must be photographed. Did you hear me? Everything. Especially once you have children. And I don't just mean the milestones--birthdays, first haircuts, opening Christmas presents--I mean, everything. Or else it might as well have never happened at all.

And then (get this,) there are some people who not only do this but then they take those pictures and they EDIT them and make the moment even less like it really was, therefore much more worth remembering. And THEN (don't even get me to lying,) some people take these EDITED photos and glue them to fancy paper and arrange them just so and adhere sparkly stickers to the page and type some endearing quote in some cutesy font and place all this nonsense in a scrapbook.

And not a few of these pictures are taken with a camera that costs more than my car.

And let's not forget to put all these edited pictures on the bloody blog, k?

I am the absolute worst when it comes to taking pictures. I comfort myself often with the thought that we will not take our photos with us to heaven so even if I regret not being a more diligent pictorial historian, at least my sorrow will be not longer than my life. I may or may not have issues.

Thankfully, many people in my life DO have awesome cameras and the desire to use them. So photos of my children's important events do have a good chance of being captured. For example, two of my sisters-in-law have fancypants cameras and Simeon's first birthday pictures are currently on one of their memory cards. This makes me feel better but it has kept me from blogging since then because who blogs about other stuff before blogging about their baby's first birthday? The better option seemed to be to allow the blog to lay dormant for lo, these many months while countless other details of our daily lives go undocumented. My mind is like a silo for logic.

Go and sin no more? I wish. I doubt I'll change. You'll see me (sometimes) get a pic or two on the ol' iPhone, maybe the point-and-shoot if I'm have an exceptional day. I just can't take the pressure of more. My photography skills are sorely lacking. My uploading, editing, and posting skills even more so. So I'm just letting it go. I can't deal with anymore. I gotta be me.