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My computer pinged as an email entered my inbox notifying me that I had a message on an online dating site. I logged into the site and was pleasantly surprised at what I found.

He was 43, looked fairly fit, appeared to be self sufficient and sounded relatively interesting. This had to be worth a try. After a while internet dating has a tendency to become a bit of a drag, it is hard to sort the wheat from the chaff and most emails I get go straight into the delete box.

A few emails later telephone numbers were exchanged and he was soon on the phone. Our first conversation went well. I liked how he sounded and we chatted easily for a good while. In our next conversation he was a little full on, a bit too eager for my liking and I found myself telling him he needed to calm down or he would frighten me off. I was still interested but was beginning to feel cautious, he talked a lot and it didn’t appear to be down to nerves. However, he was new to the ‘scene’ so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided he was just over eager.

We met for coffee and I was relieved to find that he didn’t give me any psycho vibes. He was quite relaxed and we quite quickly got into conversation. It wasn’t long before I realised that we weren’t compatible. I’m not sure if it was that he thought he should get a tax break for privately educating his child and having private healthcare or because towards the end of our second coffee he still didn’t know anything about me, but the signs were growing! I asked him about an emblem on his top and he looked at me disparagingly and said “I’m clad head to toe in Vivienne Westwood”. If I had any doubt that put it too bed and I knew that there would be no second date with this fella.

To be fair the date wasn’t boring like many I’ve been on. We did in fact have quite stimulating conversation as I challenged his views but nothing had prepared me for his next clanger. He was telling me about the sport he participates in and said that he loved his food and put on weight easily so it was important to him to get in lots of exercise to prevent this. He then said he was very annoyed with obese people, he couldn’t understand how they could let themselves get that way. He questioned why they didn’t reach a point where they could see they were getting to an unacceptable weight and do something about it. I suggested that obesity was a complex issue and there might be many reasons why a person had become overweight and struggle to lose it. He didn’t acknowledge this and went on to moan a bit more about obesity, finally declaring “and to top it all it’s our hard earned tax payers money that ends up having to foot the medical bills for their greed”. It was all I could do not to choke on my latte, not quite believing what I was hearing.

I challenged his views, asked him if he felt the same way about people who drank and smoked, or people who received cancer treatment when the cancer was caused by lifestyle choice. He wasn’t able to make the comparison. It was quite obvious to me at this point that there was no more to be said, the date was over. We left the coffee shop and I thanked him for the date and said I was off to get a bus home.

He indignantly exclaimed that he would take it from that I wasn’t interested in pursuing things further. I asked him how he thought things had gone and he said that he thought it had gone well and he knew that he was happy to take things further. I laughed and said that part of the difficulty was that it was all about him, I wasn’t sure how much he really knew about me because he hadn’t actually taken any interest in me. He said he knew that I liked to argue and that he wanted to kiss me. Before I realised what was happening he had moved in for the kiss and would you believe he was a ‘slobber’, the worse I had experienced for some time. It was revolting, like someone drooling into my mouth.

I pushed him away from me and asked him what he thought he was doing. Without waiting for an answer I declared that I was one of those fat people he really hated who put a burden on the NHS by having weight loss surgery and I was off to get my bus. I turned on my heel and didn’t look back, pleased to find the bus was there for me to get straight on to.

So it’s back to the dating sites and single events to continue the search for someone; and in the meantime scrabble friend is coming up at the w.e to play and that’s good enough for now!

I can remember when I was in my early teens worrying about whether I would be able to kiss properly, it seemed so important to be able to be a ‘good kisser! Some of my girl friends and I would practice on each other, hoping to master the art so that when we finally had our first kiss with that special boy we would be ready. Little did I know that these experimental kisses would turn out to be some of the best ‘snogs’ I’ve ever had!

When you kiss someone you have connected with it can be amazing. It can feel so intimate and tender, conveying desire, closeness and connectivity. I love a good kiss! Unfortunately in my experience there are a lot of really terrible kissers out there, men who just seem to want to slobber all over me! I can feel quite excited by a guy and then he kisses me and it is such a horrible experience and huge disappointment that he never gets any further.

This year I have been dating again and have suffered some pretty horrendous kisses! One guy came in to kiss me and in doing so pushed against me so hard it was all I could do not to fall backwards. He then proceeded to try and suck my tongue out of my mouth, it felt like his teeth were in the way; it was an immediate turn off!

Then there was the guy who loved to lick! Now don’t get me wrong, I like a man who knows how to use his tongue, but using it to lick all over my face is just wrong; maybe he thought he was a dog!

The most common problem I’ve encountered is slobbering and I appear to have a sign on my head that says please come and slobber all over me because I’m sure I have more than my fair share of them! Instead of melting my heart and making me theirs, it is a sure fire way for the guy to close the door on anything further. I call these men ‘slobbers’. When they kiss their tongue seems to wander all over the place and it feels so sloppy. I have also found that slobbers seem to dominate the kiss, hardly giving me an opportunity to decide what I want to do. Most of the time it is like they are trying to get into my mouth and in doing so quite literally drool all over me. When there is a pause all I want to do is wipe my mouth and do all I can to stop the kissing!

My heart drops in despair when someone who has been entertaining me all evening with their charismatic conversation, intelligent discussion and enjoyable flirtations turns out to be yet another slobber. I have tried to make myself tolerate it, hoping that their technique might improve or together we can find a groove but with little success. The sad truth appears to be once a slobber always a slobber and it is something I just can’t help but find intolerable.