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I want my Husband in the Delivery Room!

Im preparing myself for labour and starting to plan things out. I want my husband in the delivery room and I shared this with him. Many were against especially my husband. But i really want to show him how I deliver our baby and to gain some support from him. My OB only allowed this if he will not faint since he's actually afraid of blood. Others said that I shouldn't do it and they have so many reasons. My husband agreed but his actions tells otherwise. Would it be good if i still forced my decision? Or is it good if I let my husband in during labour and delivery? They said it would be better if I choose my mum to come in rather than my husband but it's not my first baby.

My main thought in all of this is that you, the birthing mother who is bringing your and your husband's baby into the world, should ultimately have the birthing partner in the room with you that you want. You say that 'many were against this' but I feel that this decision should really only be down to you and your husband. Birth is a sacred, beautiful and empowering time and it is not a time for other family members or friends to give their opinions as to who they would want to be the birthing partner.

It sounds like you really want your husband to be there with you, alongside you. If he misses it then he will obviously never be able to turn the clock back and experience the arrival of your new baby into the world.

Some couples, myself included, choose to have a doula present at the birth as well as the husband/ partner. A doula is an experienced women who offers practical and emotional support to the couple (or woman) during pregnancy, birth and with the new baby. A doula is not there to take on any of the clinical role (this is for the midwives or doctor) but helps to empower the woman to have the birth that she wants and can also help with calming techniques, relaxation breathing and hypnobirthing (the later of the is really just a very deep level of relaxation brought about by self-hypnosis).

In terms of any blood, your husband could stay near your head for the actual delivery. It certainly is not your doctor's place to deny your husband being present at the birth; you have a right to have who you want as a birth partner.

Have you thought about having midwife-led care as a birth option? I ask this because research shows that midwife-led births are more likely to be quicker, smoother and result in less interventions. This then means breastfeeding is more likely to get established quicker and mum and baby also make a quicker recovery from the birth. Is there a medical reason why you need a birth led by a doctor?

Another point to consider is that whoever you choose to have as your birth partner needs to be calm during the birth and follow your wishes. Michael Odent wrote this contraversal article about fathers being present at birth and some of the possible disadvantages of this. Whilst I disagree with the thrust of this article, I do agree that if a dad is present at the birth then they need to follow the woman's lead and not hinder the birth. This may mean sitting for hours in silence or providing light touch massage or helping the birthing woman to keep cool. Anthony Wilson in his article A Father's Point of View expresses an opposing opinion to Odent when he writes: 'Any man who has not seen his wife give birth has an incomplete view of what it means to be a mother. He underappreciates mother-hood.'

You sound like you want your husband to be there; so I think he should be there. You can have extra support (through a doula or good childbirth education courses). Talk more to your husband about your wishes for the birth and how you would like him to support you at this time.

I feel relieved reading your response and suggestion. I would consider about the doula but its my third time giving birth. I only wanted for my husband to be there in time of delivery. I greatly appreciated your response and now i am resolved and would like to talk to my husband again so that i could explain more base on your message. I am much more confident now. Thanks LJ

Please could I ask who was present at your previous births? Would you want someone else to support you through the first stage of labour (i.e. before the pushing stage)? Were your two previous births positive experiences?