Hi. I'm Kristin. Like many of you, I've noticed that some dressing rooms feel like little coffins in which one goes to bury their self-esteem.

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Here I am, trying on some shadows. I think they fit!

But other dressing rooms can feel like magic photoshop boxes where the rules of physics and beauty do not apply.

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Which is nice and all, but how are you supposed to know whether or not you actually look good in real life?

So, I decided to take a picture of myself wearing the same outfit in 20 different dressing rooms, and compared the photos to how both my face and body look standing in my natural habitat: in front of my desk.

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Yes, I turned off my computer monitors.

For ease of understanding, I have helpfully divided the 20 dressing rooms into several categories.

(These five dressing rooms had super-harsh overhead lighting, presumably so that everyone can see how cute they will look when the sun decides to crash into the Earth.)

Topshop

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Topshop

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

This one was probably the worst. I call this dressing room "the concern troll" because it goes out of its way to point out your physical flaws under the guise of being helpful. Instead, it mostly just looks like I'm being interrogated for the crime of trying on shirts.

American Eagle

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

American Eagle

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Same overhead lighting, but now with outdoorsy wood paneling. It's very: "Hello, everything about your body and face is terrible! Please buy some cozy sweaters!"

Madewell

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Madewell

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

We get it, Madewell: You found my boobs.

J.Crew

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

J.Crew

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Not to brag, but my belly looks like a monster trying to emerge from a bowl of milk.

Uniqlo

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Uniqlo

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

The least offensive of the shadow monster dressing rooms, but still going out of its way to let me know that it could make me look pregnant if it wanted to.

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

(These three dressing rooms had overhead lights that were not specifically dedicated to any single dressing room stall — much like the lighting in a public restroom.)

Old Navy

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Old Navy

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

If the Old Navy dressing rooms were an Instagram filer, it would be called "boyfriend left you for your sister." My body looks about the same, but my hair and skin look like I'm a character in one of those sad black-and-white cartoons where the characters have yet to discover the joys of color.

Nordstrom Rack

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Nordstrom Rack

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

This just made me feel like the Nordstrom Rack version of myself.

Gap

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Gap

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

All discussions of the blahness aside, I love that the Gap's dressing room renders basically the same result as Old Navy's dressing room, except the light is yellow.

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

(These two dressing rooms had a weird combination of harsh overhead lighting and front lighting, and I am still somewhat baffled as to what the intended effect was supposed to be.)

Target

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Target

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

This dressing room featured overhead lighting, and also a large, round, soft light over the mirror. The round light did absolutely nothing for the lighting scheme, and so it just sort of hung there, unnecessary and pointless, like a man's nipple.

Zara

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Zara

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Zara had vertical lights running down the mirrors AND harsh overhead lighting, which ended up just making me look like the star of a very off-Broadway play titled Why Am I Trying On Overalls, I Really Should Know Better.

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

(These three dressing rooms had different combinations of lighting that mostly just conspired to make me look like I'd spent a very nice summer on the beach.)

Urban Outfitters

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Urban Outfitters

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

This was the only dressing room that had no lights directly shining into it — all the light you see comes from just outside the room. But to be fair to Urban Outfitters, this is probably what I would look like if I went to see a band play a show inside an abandoned Pizza Hut, which is probably what they are going for.

Banana Republic

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Banana Republic

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

This dressing room had overhead lighting, but was also the only one to have lighting coming from behind the mirror. Anyway, the overall effect ended up being "banana," so this is more or less on brand.

Victoria's Secret

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Victoria's Secret

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

MY GOD, I'M SO BEAUTIFUL AND ORANGE, I'LL TAKE SIX BRAS PLEASE.

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

(These two dressing rooms had not-so-harsh overhead lighting that mostly served to remind me where my rack is — but were otherwise pretty accurate.)

Forever 21

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Forever 21

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Surprisingly flattering, for a space that looks like a closet inside a human-size dollhouse. The main focus is boobs and then it just sort of yada-yadas my other body flaws, but the general impression was OK.

Ross

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Ross

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

I think this one was probably the closest (I think) of all the dressing rooms to being an accurate representation of what I actually look like. This was a shocker, because this dressing room is basically just a cardboard box with a couple of flashlights dangling over it.

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

(And finally, these five dressing rooms all featured soft vertical lights that ran alongside the mirrors. That is to say they were little photoshop boxes filled with lies but damn if I did not want to believe them.)

Anthropologie

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Anthropologie

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

My face looks great. So great, in fact, that until I looked at the photos later, I didn't even realize that my body looks about the same — that's how much it impacted my perception of myself. But seriously, this room was Disney Princess AF; it even came with a short wooden stool in case I needed to sit down and contemplate my imminent marriage to an old German royal.

H&M

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

H&M

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

By this point in the dressing room tour, I'm realizing that the vertical lights have a very specific goal: to make me look as much like mannequin as possible. But I'm not a mannequin, I'm a Kristin, and while I enjoy the flattering lights, there's something strange about my appearance.

Marshalls

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Marshalls

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Where do my boobs even start and stop here? How am I supposed to objectify myself if I don't know where to ogle? Also, this was literally the hottest box I have ever stepped into. I am smiling but I am also praying that I get this picture right because if I don't GTFO soon I'm going to fill this entire store with sweat and I'm not sure if all the employees can swim.

Nordstrom

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Nordstrom

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Seriously, LOOK AT MY FACE. YOU COULD BUILD AN ANIMATED FRANCHISE AROUND IT. I love you, Nordstrom, but you're full of crap.

T.J. Maxx

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

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Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

T.J. Maxx

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

Kristin Chirico for BuzzFeed

This was slightly different than the others because the two vertical lights that ran alongside the mirror were like little side flaps and were angled at you, which could then directly bathe you in beautiful, dishonest angel light.

It's very nice...but it isn't me. In the real world, I am like a life-size American Girl doll who has been dropped in some Silly-Putty, and I want to dress for that person, you know?

1. If a dressing room has vertical lights on either side of the mirror, you’re in some great lighting. Just don’t let beautiful lighting talk you into clothes you’re only 50% excited about it.

2. If a dressing room has harsh overhead lighting — dude, you do not look that lumpy and horrible in real life, I promise.

3. Are you in doubt? Step outside the room and take a picture of yourself or get an alternate opinion — there is no such thing as “normal” lighting. But if you change your environment and you still like what you look like, then congratulations: You have won at shopping, and we are all in awe of you!