caption this! image from ‘I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell’

Fun for Wednesdays! We look at an image from an upcoming movie and write snarky, witty, or otherwise entertaining captions for it. No prizes, it’s just for fun.

Is this the promise of the Internet? Overgrown frat-boy blogger Tucker Max managed to get his bestselling book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell transfigured into a movie. (I guess he plied Hollywood with too much liquor.) A taste:

Freestyle Releasing appears utterly unembarrassed to reveal:

A tireless and charismatic novelty seeker, Tucker (Matt Czuchry) tricks his buddy Dan (Geoff Stults) into lying to his fiancée, so they can go to a legendary strip club to celebrate Dan’s last days of bachelorhood in proper style. Tucker drags their misanthropic friend Drew (Jesse Bradford) along for the ride, and before they know it Tucker’s pursuit of a hilarious carnal interest lands Dan in serious trouble with the law and his future wife.

The ensuing blowout leaves Tucker uninvited to the wedding and ankle deep in a mess of his own creation. If he wants back into the wedding and the lives of his best friends, he’ll have to find a way to balance the demands of friendship with his own narcissism and selfishness.

“Uh, sugar? I’ve been here for an hour. I’m wearing your favorite outfit! …Aren’t you even gonna look at me?”

“Heheheheh, Family Guy is freakin’ sweet!”

DG

I don’t see this going anywhere. Honestly, you could have picked a better picture. This has failure written all over it. You should probably pick a different photo, one that has the potential for a caption. I can’t do anything with this. My artistic penis did not harden when I saw this picture.

The actual lines from this scene are far funnier than anything you’ll be able to come up with.

a

These inflatable boys are so unreal and unsatisfaying. They’re just like DG’ artistic pennis…

Brian

Meanwhile, in the strip club, Sydney Bristow waited until her quarry was drunk and distracted to deploy the poison dart from her six-inch stilettos.

Chris J.K. Goodwell

“Ask me a question, whore.”
“So what kind of music do you like, Tucker?”
“I’m into whipping and hobbling. Raping, mostly!”
“Woah…I totally love hip-hop and rap too!”

hdj

“shes been looking at me like that for hours and hasn’t flinched”

amanohyo

Bestselling author Tucker Max’s lifelong dream of owning the world’s first functioning Stepford Wife was sadly short-lived, as the newly activated automaton shut down immediately after being informed of its owner’s identity. Disney technicians were rushed to the scene, but have thus far been unable to pry open the machine’s mouth and free Mr. Max.

pathetic efforts

nice complete failure on the captions here people

a disney robotic stepford wife paragraph? reaaallly?

amanohyo

*Sniff* you’re right, angry internet stranger. I have brought shame to my family. Maybe someone else will use my poor attempt as a springboard for something more worthy (hint hint)? My immediate thought (which is just as poor) was:

“I can’t believe it’s not rubber!”

amanohyo

“In Soviet Russia, television remote controls you!”

No?… too dated? How about:

“The world’s most expensive remote looked nice in the catalog, but turned out to be impractical to use with cheaply made plastic parts.”

“You’re charming the pants back on to me.”

“Fast animals, slow children.”

“These IKEA saleswomen are getting way too pushy.”

“He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can’t look away.”

“He was irresistible. The only man in the club with a sense of fashion just as horrible as her own.”

Well Mr. efforts, that’s all I got. Can I has cookie?

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