My Broken Fridge

My husband and I left town for our family vacation before my actual family did. We took a little private detour before the chaotic, I mean wonderful(!) experience of having (almost) everyone together.

Late at night I got a text from one of my children: “The fridge is broken”. Early in the morning I got a phone call reaffirming that message. I’m not totally shocked because it’s relatively old and I keep pouring money into it to keep it running and avoid the big sticker purchase. I think the time has come. I won’t bore you with the details but removing the old fridge and installing the new is a little tricky. It can be done but there are a few extra steps in the procedure. That’s not the point. The point is how the broken fridge has come to dominate my mind - and my “vacation”!

I am sitting in a very beautiful spot right now watching the sun rise over a glassy bay, having spent a lovely and relaxing Shabbos with friends and almost all I can think about is the hassle of dealing with my refrigerator. How it’s the last thing I need to add to my plate right now (clearly the Almighty feels differently) and on and on.

Despite years of effort at “not sweating the small stuff”, despite hours of counseling others to do the same, here I sit agonizing over my refrigerator. “I don’t have time to deal with it,” I keep moaning to my husband. “I need to hit the ground running when we get back.”

My husband tries unsuccessfully to respond with empathy and encouragement. But somehow “we’re about to embark on an expensive family vacation so let it go” just doesn’t do it for me! I’m taking deep breaths, refocusing on that glassy bay and reminding myself that it will all get done. Because I know it will. That in the grand scheme of things, this is very (very!) small. Because I know it is!

Sometimes when I’m overwhelmed by a challenge I look at the time line of Jewish history and reflect on the fact that this issue which seems so pressing right now is barely a speck on that diagram. The broken refrigerator doesn’t even rise to “speck” status. It’s not even worthy of pulling out those big guns to provide perspective. And ultimately, I know it’s all some manifestation of anxiety. If I’m not obsessed with finding the tile person to fix the floor underneath the fridge (one of the aforementioned extra steps) something else will take its place. There’s actually a long list of items waiting at the ready!

Maybe the broken fridge is actually a kindness; it keeps my mind from darker scenarios, God forbid. Either way, it’s time to move on, to lift up out of the trivial and focus on the opportunity in front of me - both the time with my husband and the time with my family. What a shame it would be if I didn’t enjoy either of those experiences because of my distraction over the need for a new kitchen appliance. It sounds so absurd when you put it like that.

The small stuff will always occur; that’s the way of the world. Our challenge is to keep it in its place, to deal with it while moving forward.

I remember many years ago when I was dealing with a very serious illness with one of my children. A friend called to check in and when I asked how she was, she proceeded to complain about her broken washing machine. I was a little taken aback. I had a sick child on my hands and this was her response?

I think of that now as I go down that road and as I regain perspective. It’s just a fridge. I even have an extra one in my garage! Deep breaths! Lifting up! Time to enjoy the precious moments of a trip with my kids and grandkids, moments that won’t come again. Could I really be so foolish as to waste a moment of that on my broken refrigerator?

It’s embarrassing. I’m letting go. Even in these small areas, we can pray and ask the Almighty to give us strength and help us maintain our focus. I’m going to enjoy this break and the wonderful opportunity to be with my family. The fridge will still be there when I get back (Don’t remind me!).

Emuna Braverman has a law degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters in in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Pepperdine University. She lives with her husband and nine children in Los Angeles where they both work for Aish HaTorah. When she isn''t writing for the Internet or taking care of her family, Emuna teaches classes on Judaism, organizes gourmet kosher cooking groups and hosts many Shabbos guests. She is the cofounder of www.gourmetkoshercooking.com.

While we were away from home all summer, to be with our daughter who was in the last stages of dying with cancer, the tenant who lives in our rental home texted us that the A/C had stopped working. Since it was 110 degrees in Phoenix, we immediately made phone calls, ordered a new A/C unit and then arranged with the bank for a loan. The A/C was up and running within three days. (Our tenant stayed at a hotel during those days, which we offered to pay for.) Our tenant, who knew what we were going through, wrote to us later how much he appreciated what we had done. A broken appliance is really quite trivial in relation to the too early end of a beautiful life.

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Ada,
August 25, 2019 1:00 AM

Yes I totally understand

A few years ago my freezer broke EREV Rosh Hashonna. About 3 hours before hadlakot nerot!! I had ALL my yomtov meals including Succos stored there. I went into panic mode (I did have an inkling that something wasn't right with it for a while but tried to ignore it thinking it would eventually resolve itself). BH I have some frum neighbours and I started calling them to ask if they could please spare me a little space in their (probably crowded) freezers. I put an ice cream here, a kugel there, a bit of a confusion. If I had had time I could have taken food to the shul's freezer, but like I said it was getting closer to zman. I don't really remember much else about it, but like Emuna says in the article:, even though at the time I was very overwhelmed, but in the time line of Jewish history when I reflect on the fact that it seemed so pressing back then, today it is barely a speck on that diagram! Thank you Emuna for sharing your very real and "I can relate to it" experience, because these things even though they are are not major, DO very much niggle away at us.

MoTown Mama,
August 25, 2019 4:57 AM

I relate too!

Ha ha! I totally get this because our overstuffed fridge went on the fritz one Erev Pesach, which happened to be a Sunday, so finding a repairman was nearly impossible. But we did manage to find someone, after frantically calling nearly every listing in the Yellow Pages. We happily (not really!) paid his several hundred dollar exhorbitant fee, just in time to have a working fridge for Yom Tov. Yes, it's "small stuff," but it has to be dealt with. My view of why things like this happen is to keep me thankful when everything is NORMAL! (We subsequently bought a cheap second-hand fridge as a spare, which I would suggest to anyone who has the space for one!)

(6)
Shoshana-Jerusalem,
August 24, 2019 7:45 PM

good article

The fact that this happened now, a month till Rosh Hashana, is a very good sign. Because before Rosh Hashana all the depts. have to be paid and then we go into the New Year clean. so it should be a kapporah (atonement) and you should rejoice.

All the best.

(5)
Rachel,
August 23, 2019 7:43 AM

Your grown children

should be handling this for you, in my opinion. Why should you have to stress when others can call the right professionals, oversee removal of old and installation of new? Can’t you ask for help and then just pay the bill?

(4)
Yael,
August 22, 2019 7:37 PM

I totally get your panic.

When my fridge broke, I literally picked the first one I saw, almost. Your whole life comes to a halt when a major appliance is not available. No food, or laundry...major!Especially you, who runs so many other "ships" than a typical household!G-d loves you! Best of luck to you!

(3)
leah bleiberg,
August 22, 2019 3:15 PM

What honesty!

Thank you for being so honest and showing us that even someone as self developed as you are can still find little matters challenging.I really appreciate hearing your thought processes on this whole situation. It gives me strength to be able to follow suit. Thanks again

(2)
Nancy,
August 22, 2019 11:17 AM

Okay, I think Emuna Braverman must be eavesdropping on MY LIFE :-)

Right now I am going through something aggravating. It is not life threatening, but it is certainly taking up real estate in my brain. This particular challenge will probably be history within a week, but presently I am sitting and wringing my hands. (I am actually stressing over TWO situations, but that is another story.) This fridge issue and everything accompanying it will be resolved, as you well know. I wish you a healthy and happy vacation with your loved ones!

(1)
Heather Dean,
August 20, 2019 12:56 PM

Fantastic and Sobering Essay

I completely relate to the "overwhelm" of the broken fridge situation - which happens occasionally. I feel bad when this happens to others, and thankfully I have friends who empathize with my plight when this happens to me.Emuna, I love how you made the decision not to waste precious moments obsessing over a broken fridge, but to focus on all of your blessings.