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Anxiety, cold feet or something else…what am I so afraid of?

I am a very decisive person. I know what I want the moment I see it and can make choices quickly. I want those shoes, that guy, this house, those dishes,red nail polish, ect. you get the idea.. ( Not all my choices are good,I make bad ones all the time, but I made them quickly) So today I officially move into a new house with my guy. All my stuff in one place, finally! We have “unofficially” been living together for months now. When I moved into the motel, he came over and brought more stuff each time and we just started living together, no weird awkward relationship talks, just felt natural. We have kinda moved our relationship at warp speed since day 1, and none of it ever freaked me out because it all feels very right. We said ” I love you” within weeks, started talking about forever within the first month and I never freaked out, I was never worried. (I did however consult a psychic a few times to make sure, but that’s a story for another post.) For some reason, I have been up all night freaking out and what-ifing and basically being the most neurotic person in the world! Why?

I was full panic mode this morning and my guy said I have cold feet. He’s probably right, but why now? I’m suddenly terrified of losing my identity!! What if I don’t make friends? What if he decides to leave me? What if I never really feel at home? What if eating something he shot makes me too sad? He is very into hunting and is very excited for me to try deer and squirrel-yes, you read that right, it was not a typo. I agreed to try squirrel meat! Terrified, but keeping an open mind. (I have never ever eaten something that didn’t come from a grocery store or restaurant, never seen hunting in real life) What if I become a completely different person while learning to live in “his world”. What if I am too unorganized, or have too many weird quirks and he hates living with me? What if the sky falls?

Anxiety is a cruel affliction! Moving is stressful. Maybe I just need to take a chill pill and take a nap. Either way, I actually feel a bit calmer now that I have told you guys, or Y’all as my guy would say.

I guess when a relationship has gone so smoothly and on the get go since day 1 there hasn’t really been a chance to stop and think all these things. But honestly, I think it will all be okay. If you ever need a friend, I’m always here looking for new people to talk to! And don’t feel like you have to do something or eat something you’re not comfortable with, surely he will be understanding! I also struggle with anxiety so I understand how hard it is, but good luck lovely, you can do this! x

Gotta tell you a story. While driving to see my aunt and uncle I notice something in the middle of the road. It was a turtle with a crushed sell. Whatever hit it mush have been big and heavy. Anyway made it to my uncles place within 10 minutes and told him about the turtle. He called the proper gaming department and reported the turtle and then proceeded to ask if we can collect it before sundown. Apparently there is a rule about collecting it before sundown. Anyway, my uncle got the OK and then when the call was over I was back in the car, back to the turtle crime scene.

We brought the turtle back and I was shown how to CLEAN a turtle. Now the turtle was in bite sized pieces and in freezer zip locked bags.

After my visit I took a zip lock bag full of the turtle home. I made then made Turtle Soup.
Yep you heard it right, I had roadkill for dinner.

Turtle meat has a little chewiness to it, like calamari, or alligator, or shark.

All in all it was good. When you think about it, animals are cleaned and then packaged at the stores. The turtle was treated no different. The turtle feasted really good and the positives were:
1. The animal wasn’t waited
2. I got to learn how to CLEAN a turtle
3. I looked up a new recipe and tried something new.
4. The meat wasn’t exposed to any food processors to preserve it.
5. I have a hell of a story to tell.