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Life is not always a fairytale

Dear Sadichha,

I am a 21-year-old guy. I am from Kathmandu. My parents live in Dhading. It’s been two years since the completion of my high school. Due to my poor economic condition I could not pursue my graduation and I started doing job after high school. I submitted my CV to different organizations and companies. But I have not yet heard from them. Currently, I am working as a tuition teacher and my income is not insufficient for me to sustain my life in Kathmandu. I don’t know what I should do. Please help!

I feel like you need to complete your studies first. The companies might not be calling because of lack of qualification. I know that educational degrees and qualifications shouldn’t define and limit people. but sometimes, big organizations and corporate houses have rules and guidelines to follow. You can even take educational loans to complete your basic qualification at least and work simultaneously. Don’t be disheartened. Life can be challenging at times but its these hard times that shape us to be the best version of ourselves.

Dear Sadichha,

I am a 24-year-old girl from a Dalit family. I never regret falling for a Brahmin guy. He too loves me for who I am. However, I sometimes fear for what time has in store for us. His parents have been abroad for a long time with their elder son. They are planning to get back to Nepal and get him (their younger son) married. He says they won’t agree for the marriage and is adamant on getting married without their consent. My parents agreed on this but they want us to get married after everyone’s approval. I don’t know what to do.

You will not know for sure until and unless you ask. Hence, don’t play out how the situation is going to unfold even before it happens. Let his parents come back, and the two of you can go meet them, talk to them and explain the situation. They might be more accepting than what you imagine them to be. If they don’t approve then you can find alternative ways. Maybe you can get married without their approval if they are very strict and don’t agree to this at all. More than the caste, I hope the two of you are emotionally, mentally and financially ready to get married. I hope the two of you have completed your studies, are working or looking for work. Life is not always a fairytale and reality might hit you hard when you least expect it. So, be prepared fully before you jump on to anything.

Dear Sadichha,

My family is a conservative one. Here good children are expected to obey what their family says. I got married during my late teen due to which I and my wife had to struggle a lot to establish our career. I am 25-year-old now and we both have completed our study and are working in our respective fields. We have planned our family after some years when we feel prepared. But my conservative family and in-laws are pressurizing us on this thing. We both are ignoring them as much as we can. This seems totally useless. So, I look to your suggestion now.

It’s great to see that you have set your life goals and plans. I suggest not to let your family or in laws interfere too much on the plans regarding ‘your’ family. One should start a family when they feel like they are ready, not when someone else tells them to. Starting a family is not an easy task. You can be under immense pressure. So plan it out well. If your family and in laws pressure you too much, sit down with them and have a proper talk. There is going to be financial burden once you start a family and if your in-laws and family keep pressuring you to start one immediately, ask them to separate that fund for their grandchildren!

Dear Sadichha,

I am a 16-year-old girl. I have two younger siblings. They are my step sisters. I recently talked to my father that I wanted to go to a boarding school and not stay home. He wanted me to stay with him but I could not tell him that I feel very difficult and awkward at my own home. My step mother is caring for her daughters which makes me badly miss my own mother. She is good to me but I can’t expect her to be more than that. I want to leave home and live on my own. Am I taking a right step?

I cannot tell you if that is a wrong or a right step. What I can tell you is that you are taking a hasty decision. You are just 16. You have written it yourself that she is good to you, if she is good to you, if she cares about you and treats you well, then I don’t think you should overthink things. She must also be adjusting to you, like you are adjusting to her. No one can take the place of our mothers but we can have mother-like figures. I feel you should be open to your step mom and give her a chance. Maintain good communication, talk to her often, share things with her and make her feel like you are putting in effort too. You cannot blame her for caring for her daughters now, can you? Instead you should also take care of them as an elder sister. Give it some time, good relationships get stronger over time.