“I was born in Jackson Heights. What can I do here now — get an apartment with an elevator that takes wheelchairs? Years ago Jackson Heights was the place to grow up. Jews, Italians, friendly neighbors — everybody getting on together. What it is now, who knows? Those days are gone. Even my Newtown High School, they want to tear down.”

So, your tribute. You writing your response jokes?

“I plan nothing in advance except for TV. All’s off the top of my head. If it happens, it happens. Onstage I put everything together myself. I have no fear. Fear what? I’m married 49 years. Same wife. So what’s to be scared?

“Comedy’s a business. It’s different today. Vulgar. And if you worry you’re going to go dry, you quit.

“Mention Gen. Robert E. Lee and the South? I’ll say, ‘I washed his house one day.’ I do 20 shots a year. On Letterman tomorrow. Just signed another two-year Vegas deal. Got 128,000 followers on Twitter. What can anyone do to me now?”

OK, so tell me something, one thing, about our country today?

“I should have been president.”

Not a mouse

Steinbeck. To be celebrated. Wrote the classic novel, now on B’way, “Of Mice and Men.” Then left that depression, poverty and squalor to live in California’s better class of poverty and squalor.

Pay attention

Craig Ferguson exiting his “Late Late Show” show? Who even knew he was there? . . . Another comment. Tony shmony, the season was mediocre. A-1 talent, but meh. Although “All the Way” ran longer than LBJ’s life, spectacular Bryan Cranston deserves a win . . . We just lost Bob Hoskins, who played Mussolini and Khrushchev and told me: “Most dictators are short, fat, middle-age baldies. Apart from Danny DeVito, there’s only me left.”

Fingernail woe

Miranda Richardson now in the film “Belle”: “When I did the Harry Potter thing, they added nails 3 inches long. Makeup people removed them daily, or they’d ruin my own nails. And you can do nothing wearing them. Can’t go to the bathroom. Can’t even pick your nose — except very carefully.” . . . Another comment. From Eric Bogosian: “New Yorkers who look like me drive cabs.”

MANI/pedi salon. The pedicurist carves a half-inch deep gash in a client’s heel. Despite pain, bleeding and limping, the woman’s given a bill. She pays. The manager then gives her a coupon for a free pedicure.