Sorry this is a teeny bit late. I've had a busy week. To whoever sees this, enjoy! This is the best I can do in this limited time frame.

This season, on Big Brother 5: 14 houseguests moved into the Big Brother house. Big Brother messes with their minds. Drew and Diane smooch. Some Project DNA twists happen. Mike, Lori, Holly, Scott, Jase, Will, Natalie, Adria, Marvin, Karen, and Nakomis are evicted. Drew and Diane smooch some more. Drew votes out Diane in the Final 3. No more smooching for Drew.

The end. I hope you enjoyed this season of Big Brother 5.

What do you mean, it's not over yet? We still have to declare a winner? Can't we just declare them all bitter and go home? ...fine, you win. But I'm still going to interrupt this summary as much as possible.

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Here comes the opening credits! It's kind of nice to see all the pictures back up with the names. Even Natalie's in there. I'm still trying to figure out who that "Mike" guy is though.

Julie Chen introduces herself and repeats that opening recap. We're down to the Final Two. It's come down to Drew, the pseudo-intellectual fratboy from Ohio, versus Michael, the not-even-pseudo-intellectual cowboy from Oklahoma. Julie goes on to tell us about the jury consisting of Will, Natalie, Adria, Marvin, Karen, Nakomis, and Diane. Thanks to The Danielle Clause (BB3), the jury is allowed to re-watch only public events (ceremonies) from the Big Brother house.

Let's see what those loveable jury members are up to!

And since I'm feeling poetic tonight...

1. LimerickThere once was a jury on Big Brother.Who missed speaking to Mother.They wanted to knowthe last loser to go.So they bickered and fought with each other.

2. Dramatic PoetryOnce upon a midnight dreary, as the jury pondered weak and weary, Over quaint and curious gossip of Big Brother lore, While they argued, nearly snapping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of some loser gently rapping, rapping at the cobbled floor. `'Tis some visitor,' they muttered, `tapping at our cobbled floor - Only this, and nothing more.'

3. HaikuThe six members waitfor the seventh to join them.Suddenly, they see...

...A big scary monster!

What's that, you say? Fine. They saw Diane. A monster would've been way cooler though.

Diane enters the room and everyone seems extremely surprised. Even Diane's a little confused. She remarks how being evicted can be shocking, like a punch in the stomach. She also notes that it was a good move by Drew too. Marvin agrees. However, he adds that Drew played her like a spade.

Huh? Marvin's played a few too many games of internet gin rummy if you ask me. Either that, or Marvin thinks Drew has gardening spades fetish. It's your call.

The jury folk argue for a few more minutes...

 Nakomis says that blood is thicker than water, but the blood between she and Cowboy is more like vinaigrette. Which is still thicker than water, I guess. And it makes a dandy salad dressing too. Will thinks that it is possible to win the game without lying to anyone.  Karen would rather keep her morals intact, even if it means losing the game. Thats what all under-the-radar middle boots say. The general consensus is that Cowboy just kind of slid through the game, and that Drew used a better, albeit dishonest, game plan.