Pages

The ugly hatter stands at a table ironing top hats. "Gossamer" refers to the shellacked muslin pieces that shaped silk hats. "Swipes" is slang for copious drinking, and "logwood" is a type of dye. "Judy" is slang for a ridiculous woman, and the sender suggests that the recipient could only marry such a woman., Text: Ah! now I well know what it was that I smelt, / It was the bottle-nosed, rabbit-mouthed dealer in felt. / Mother Judy might marry such a fellow, but I-- / Detest such a dabbler in logwood and dye, / Though your head is so big-- 'tis of gossamer rig-- / All bloated and puffed, like a measly pig, / Beastly swiller of swipes-- what a picture is thine-- / Bad luck to the girl who is your Valentine., See similar print, A Hatter, Comic Valentines, 4.40, Provenance: Helfand, William H.

A jockey stands at a bar drinking from a beer tankard with a dog standing attentively at his side. In the background, a bartender stands behind the bar across from a woman who grins and holds a glass., Text: Alas, poor man, thy suit of plush, / Has fairly turned thy brain I ween, / But if thou art a man, Oh! blush, / To be a thing so very mean, / Oh! Jockey of the spotless clothes, / Oh! Jockey of the gundy plush, / Oh! Jockey with the turn up nose, / I pity thee and for thee blush., Provenance: Helfand, William H.

The carriage driver has a large nose, a beard and curly hair. He holds a horse whip and a woman watches him from a window in the background. "Shoful" is slang for questionable., Text: Although you drive a Hansom, a handsome driver you are not, / For your looks are very "shoful," and your's is a shabby lot; / So drive away dear Cabby, and don't cast sheep's eyes at me, For I like a smarter chap than you -- your "fair" I'll never be, Provenance: Helfand, William H.

A peddler stands between a fence and a wooden stand. Over his ahoulder is a strap carrying mugs, which are also hanging from the fence and stand., Text: Awkward, clumsy, bawling brute, / How well you with your CALLING suit, / For as about the streets you shout, / Each servant girl on looking out / Exclaims "just hear that fellow, : / To bring the Pot unto his call; / Why what a cheek the fellow's got, / He's only fit to go to Pot., Provenance: Helfand, William H.

A baker stands in front of his oven. He is smoking a pipe and his shovel leans on the wall next to him., Text: The bread that you bake is not fit for a dog, / Your pies and your cake would sicken a hog; / Sawdust-flour you use, rancid butter and lard, / For such practice you ought to be feathered and tarred, / Or else to be taken and baked in your oven -- / You dirty old cheat, and rascal, and sloven., Provenance: Helfand, William H.

A baker in a paper hat is putting a pie into an oven. His shoe has split open and his red nose, combined with the word "sodden," imply that he is drunk while on the job., Text: What! Buy of you! Your senseless grin / Would sour all your pies, / And not a loaf, poor, sodden oaf, / But would smatter of your lies. / Heavy as lead, your lightest bread, / Cakes, buns, and buscuits, all; / Smash your paper cap on your grinning head, / And into your oven crawl!, Provenance: Helfand, William H..

A woman in mourning clothings hold a handkerchief to her eyes and smiles. She gestures to a sign on the wall behind her thats reads "A Bargain Second Hand to be Disposed of". Another sign on the wall reads "To Let". The valentine suggests she is looking for a new husband immediately after being widowed., Provenance: Helfand, William H.

A man carries a yoke with two buckets. One is labelled chalk and the other water. Milk means to take undue profit and the use of "cream" and "surface" suggest that the milkman is cheating his customers by adulterating his product so that it looks like milk., Text: Bawling about the streets you go, / With noisy cry of milk Be—low, / BE-LOW indeed the MILK must be, / We none upon the SURFACE see, / For it is plain you never fail / To milk the cow with the iron tail. / Of all the MILKMEN I have seen, / Of roguery you are the CREAM., Provenance: Helfand, William H..

A man in a coat and top hat and bear are separated by bars. The man's head is turned away from the bear and the bear is looking at the man. The text characterizes the man as having dangerous animal qualities, and the placement of the two figures poses the question of who is really the beast in a cage., Text: A Bear, what is it but a surly brute? / A pestto women, above dispute, / A surly brute are you, none can deny, / Also a nuisance to society, / Therefore, old Growler, I do decline / To Bruin be a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..

A man in a coat and top hat and bear are separated by bars. The man's head is turned away from the bear and the bear is looking at the man. The text characterizes the man as having dangerous animal qualities, and the placement of the two figures poses the question of who is really the beast in a cage., Text: A Bear, what is it but a surly brute? / A pest to women, above dispute, / A surly brute are you, none can deny, / Also a nuisance to society, / Therefore, old Growler, I do decline / To Bruin be a Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..

An unkempt woman leans against a post and drinks from a bottle of liquor., Text: Begone, you dirty drunken jade, / And feed along with swine, / For none but a pig would have you / To be his Valentine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..

A fashionably dressed man holds a cane and smokes a cigar. His bulging midsection and puffy face underscore the text's suggestion that as a "Bloat" and "Wind-bag" he lacks substance., Text: You swagger round, you Wind-bag, / As if you owned the Earth, / But your would-be lordly bearing / Awakens only mirth. / No man who comes across you / Ever fails at once to note, / That in spite of all your blather, / You are just a great big Bloat., Provenance: Helfand, William H..

A blacksmith stands at his anvil, using a hammer and tongs. His face is dirty and he is smoking a pipe. The valentine suggests that the smith's trade will prepare him for Hell in the afterlife., Text: A sketch of your visage, so ugly and cross, / Here behold, Mr. Blacksmith, of botches the Boss. / It can’t be disputed a wise choice you made, / When you took for a calling your black, sooty trade ; / For ‘tis well ere you die to get used to things hot, / In view of what surely will then be your lot., Provenance: Helfand, William H..

A portly woman smiles vacantly and holds a bottle of liquor. The valentine suggests that her consumption of alcohol has permanently rendered her unattractive., Text: O! Whisky is your souls delight / Your only Valentine. / Go steep your brains in alcohol. / You never shall be mine., Provenance: Helfand, William H..

A short and stout country bumpkin smiles and carries a pitchfork. The sender rejects the recipient's romantic advances because of his occupation., Text: Blundering little hussy, who can never move about, / But furniture and tea trays are all put to the rout ; / It's all your foolish vanity because you wil be seen, / When about your work, dressed in a crinoline : / Pray leave off your hoops and gain a little sense, / And then to gain a husband you may make some pretence., "No. 186", Provenance: Helfand, William H..

A man is painting a sign with a large brush. The sign is untidily painted and the man is spilling paint from the pan he holds. This, combined with the pipe he is smoking and the patches on his pants, suggest his work is generally slipshod., Text: You wretched, worthless bungler, to see you try to paint, / I'm sure would spoil the temper of even a first-class saint, / For you cannot lay a color, and the letters you design, / Look like a lot of scare-crows drawn up in a line ; / You're a dirty, mussy dauber, without a bit of taste, / And a building with a sign of yours is thoroughly defaced., Provenance: Helfand, William H..

A tailor sits cross-legged, sewing a button onto a pair of pants. The tailor is smoking a pipe and a half-empty mug of beer sits next to him. On the wall behind him, "Old Misfit" and "Shoddy Suits Made to Order" suggest that the quality of his work is poor., Text: You cross-legged sinner, you botchy old beat, / All that you care for's to cozen and cheat, / Your cloth is all shoddy, and your sewing is such / That the clothes comes to pieces almost at a touch ; / The buttons fall off, the colors all fade, / And only fools, more than once, with you would trade., Provenance: Helfand, William H..

A man with an oversized bald head smiles broadly. The text indicates that his baldness is an outward sign of his inner deficiencies., Text: You have got a great big head, but it’s only filled with air. / It hasn’t enough of substance to produce a growth of hair. / You’ve got a smile upon your face, but we have heard before, / You get it from a bottle when you sneak behind the door. / You’re only an old milk sop, and of either sense or wit, / No one will e’er accuse you of having the smallest bit., Provenance: Helfand, William H..

A driver who has falled from his cart sits on the ground. His hat has fallen off, he has dropped his whip, and his clothes are torn at the knees and elbows. His horse is running away with the cart int he distance and the boxes of cargo have fallen off. The text indicates that he is careless because he drinks too much., Text: You stupid old donkey, just from the bogs, / You’re only fit to drive, a drove of western hogs, / You always are loaded, and so much more of late, / That your tongue seems a brick and you cannot see straight, / Your horses get scared – for their blinders don’t blind them, / When they see such a sot, on the truck-load behind them., Provenance: Helfand, William H..