Hugging happiness in a season of wonky legs

Lekan

9 Dec 2017

Back then in those days in school as a student of English Literature, the phrase ‘laughter as catharsis’ was quite fascinating to most of us in the late Sesan Ajayi’s class. Though Ajayi’s candle burnt out at a very early stage of a blossoming teaching career with an amazing passion for molding his students into intellectual brainbox in the various genres of literature, he etched an unforgettable memory in the consciousness of the lucky students who passed through his mentorship at the then Ogun State University, Ago-Iwoye.

And it is not for nothing that, some two decades and more after his shocking death, those words of his aptly describe the shenanigans that unfold before us in the name of governance in Nigeria’s endless season of wonky legs—-laughter as a catharsis for the herd of the oppressed forever foraging for fate! In fact, I have no doubt that every Nigerian needs a shot of the medicinal drug called laughter, to maintain a semblance of sanity in this country of a thousand and one surprises.

But for the fact that we are a blessed people with the rare gift of having clowns in positions of authority, many would have been candidates for any of the ill-equipped psychiatric facilities scattered across the country. Thankfully, a salacious dose of unmitigated even if shambolic melodrama that plays out in government quarters daily has somewhat doused what could have been a deleterious relapse into lunacy for many who couldn’t understand why we are so cursed. Laughter as catharsis.

But for the wonderful medicine, how would we have waded through the silly antics of leaders who talk the walk rather than walk the talk? The problem is that the average Nigerian politician is unabashedly shameless while the citizenry’s beggarly docility is unprecedented. And that is why many of these persons wearing the toga of leadership of whatever hue practically walk away with murder in this clime. Somehow, we always find a reason to laugh our pain off, knowing that the leopard is not about to change its spot soon no matter the pretenses.

The other day, Nigerians received, with laughter-laden sarcasm, the good news that Switzerland would soon repatriate a humongous sum of $321m Abacha loot back to the national treasury. And that was without any prejudice to that fact that this great news was revealed by no less a personality than the country’s Minister of Justice and Attorney General of the Federation, Abubakar Malami (SAN).

Does anyone need to guess why they are not building their hopes on such a promising story? It is very simple. If your desire is to live long in this country, you must avoid laying your foundations of a promising future on the government’s sound bites. With the benefit of hindsight, they can conveniently assume that this fresh Abacha loot recovery may go the way of others. At least, we all know that, right from the days of former President Olusegun Obasanjo, recovered loot and properties have always been re-looted the high and mighty.

For the records, no one has told us how the funds recovered under this administration are being spent. Some would even say that story of callous looting and recovery in Nigeria is like the proverbial case of asking the cat to watch over a plate of fried meat. How, for crying loud, do they expect the public to dance to this new tune of millions of dollars of Abacha loot coming into the country? You now see why laugher has become some sort of soothing balm with which we ease the pain of impotence in governance.

But it is not just about that. It is about so many other self-inflicted sufferings that plague the land. Even the strongest optimists among us are fast giving up hope on any redemptive moment for a government that seems to be trudging along on the throes of failure.

How does one begin to parody the story of a government that claimed to have created seven million jobs at a time the National Bureau of Statistics brought forward its realistic data indicating that over three million jobs were lost to the bargain within the same period? No wonder a serial defector like former Vice President Atiku Abubakar giggled from ear to ear, exploiting that scary figure to justify his latest defection to the opposition Peoples Democratic Party? We laugh even when it is not a laughing matter. With an estimated population of 193 million people, according to the new figures, how many more citizens’ family lives are being enveloped by misery, depression and death in our ever-shrinking employment market?

But the good thing is that, in all this, we always have outstanding heroes who keep the candle of hope burning on this democratic journey. Here I speak of characters whose personal peccadilloes make us laugh through our torrents of tears. Among these categories are state chief executives who are busy building mansions across the globe as civil servants in their domains groan under the yoke of unpaid salaries.

One even went about building and erecting statutes! We can conveniently sauce that list with the antics of our well-meaning patriots that boisterously dance on the graves of suffering pensioners as trillions of naira that could have been used to ease pensioners anguish have been diverted into the private pockets. To add salt to a festering wound, these pension thieves always kick justice in the groin each time they walk away with a slap on the wrist. That’s if they ever get to face justice anyway. So why won’t we shrug the pain off with tearful laughter?

How do you, for example, wrap your brains round the story of a state chief executive who casually dashed his overfed lawmakers state-of-the-art cars worth N400m while blaming his inability to pay students’ foreign scholarship on ‘paucity of funds’? And how many of these jokers waste millions of Naira on inanities and cultural carnivals – unperturbed by the burdens of structural and infrastructural decay sharing the same fence with them? Even the ones whose reputations have been grievously wounded by the findings of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission have started a queer but rewarding romance with the powers that be. We all know that the likely outcome would be the wiping off of the sins of the past with the emergence of a squeaky clean patriot at the other side of the tunnel. We just laugh at the silliness of fighting a battle that is often won and lost on the altar of political correctness.

Unarguably, the only one that is truly bent on etching permanent laughter on our faces is the uncommon Governor of Imo State, Owelle Rochas Okorocha. For me, it doesn’t matter if mischief makers in the cyberspace have feasted on his rude joke about the alleged appointment of a Commissioner for Happiness and Purpose Fulfillment. The fact that he could consider his well-educated blood sister and Deputy Chief of Staff for that juicy office underscores the milk of human kindness that runs in his hyperactive veins and the undying love he has for the long-suffering people of the state. I pity those who have called him all sorts of despicable names just because they couldn’t think outside the box like this governor for all seasons. What more could assuage our fears if not the free offering of happiness mixed in the best tradition of a purpose-driven hysteria of fulfillment? That, to my mind, is the driving force behind what some have dubbed the Rochas’ lunacy and policy psychosis. If only other leaders at the state and national levels could identify that one single individual in their states that could provide the services His Excellency’s sister has been tasked to provide in Imo, Nigeria would sure bounce back to our once-revered status as the Happiest People in the World. Oh, I remember with nostalgia how we relished hugging happiness then no matter what sour grapes our leaders cast at us. Was that not how we clung to hope as things grew from bad to worse?

Instead of lampooning the rare feats under the leadership of that man in Imo State or questioning weird sense of humour, I personally think he deserves to be bestowed with the highest national honours in the land for this brainwave-inspired portfolio of Happiness and Fulfillment. Or is happiness not the ultimate dream of each and every one of us? If that is the case, why are we bothered about his debt profile; the dilapidated state of infrastructure; the 15-month salary arrears he allegedly owe the workers or the fact that he spends quite a huge sum on erecting statues for national and international personalities that catch his fancy? Who cares as long as laughter can wipe out the abject poverty while the charlatans in power go on a flight of fancy with the epaulets of stupidity emblazoned on their puffed up shoulders? Who cares when laughter has always come in handy to calm frayed nerves in an uncertain season such as this?