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At last resort please help with 14 year old son and bad behavior

hi was looking for some advice for what to do with my 14 year old son. he is acting out badly and getting bad grades bad behavior in school and destroying property where we live a i to pay 1500.00 in damage fees because of it. someone please help me.

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time with teen. First, I would make it clear that the $1500 will come from him. I understand at 14 he probably doesn't have a job so he can either pay for it with money he has saved up (if any) or that means whatever you allocated to birthday and Christmas for him, it would come from that money. There is a great website called "Empowering Parents" and they offer many articles on consequences. For the bad behavior there are consequences you can give him and you want to give him a replacement behavior for the bad behavior. The grades, could be an issue with motivation and there are articles on that as well. In the meantime, he must do his homework in an open area with you until he brings his grade up. He is no longer allowed the privilege of doing his homework on his own or in his room. Good luck!

Well looks like we have something in common!, I have a 14 year old who is also going through some changes, grades are not good, has an attitude with me and just very rebellious. Everyone tells me its his age, but i need to control the situation now. Financially i cannot afford to live in a better more decent area, therefore the new friends are a big influence, he doesnt want to join sports, we live in a apartment and doesnt want to be couped up in the apartment so he is out a lot. we should talk!

Punishments do not help he don't care if he is punished and we do positive things for good behavior if there is any and he just seems to be ungreatful and nothing i do seems to help at all i am writing this in the behavior doctor office lobby for his behavior. I am at my wits and now and just cry almost everyday because of it

sorry to hear that, take him to the police precinct and have them take him to a place where they scare off teenagers that are acting up and misbehaving. In my state they have what they call scared straight, they use this program to scare kids and open up their eyes about bad things that they are doing.

We take his tablet and ipod away we take away his ability to go outside and hang out with friends. I tried to do a scared straight thing with him but i am told that i order for them to do that he has to be in trouble with the law first and i am trying so hard to keep that from happening. I am a young mother i am 31 and it is very hard because i also have a 7 year old girl and a 5 year old boy as well and with the oldest acting this way it isn't setting a good example for them.

When my SS lived with us we had the same problem that taking stuff away just did not work. We also had him in counseling for other things and we were telling the counselor our problems and he said to find out what he did not like to do and make him do it. For example my SS hated physical labor so whenever he got into trouble we would make him do yard work. Something that also helped us was instead of saying you will do this for a week or however long he was grounded we would tell him you are to do this area and will not be allowed to do anything else until it is completed. The very first time we did it that way he ended up spending 3 weeks in the yard because he would not rake the area we told him to. During those 3 weeks him missed out on football tryouts, several movies and dinners with friends and family and a trip to the local museum. He was not happy but it made him think twice the next time he wanted to go against the rules.

Have you discussed a behavior -consequences plan for home with his doc?I know there are confidentiality issues but the doc should be able to help you set up a home plan.My clients were more successful when there was a combination of therapy and consequences.Sometimes meds also.The doc should have some insight as to motivation for your son.See if yall can work together to come up with a plan for home.Write down ,make copies ,go over it with your son,be firm in following the consequences.Good luck.

Quoting jennboulay: Punishments do not help he don't care if he is punished and we do positive things for good behavior if there is any and he just seems to be ungreatful and nothing i do seems to help at all i am writing this in the behavior doctor office lobby for his behavior. I am at my wits and now and just cry almost everyday because of it

Does he like any kind of sport activities? There are things that are not school-related activities. Like club sports or something at the YMCA (if there is one by you). If he were to get involved in some activitiy outside of school, perhaps he would find a different group of friends that would be a more positive influence on him. It is only a matter of a couple of years that he could be driving. If that is of interest at all to him, that is a great motivator to improve grades alone. What about a cell phone? If he has one, do you take it away for poor behavior? You mention ipod and tablet. Does he have access to these during the night at all? NEVER let him take these devices to bed with him. I always, ALWAYS took these items away from our youngest at a certain time of the night. Period. Otherwise, they are up on them communicating with their friends all night long. Never a good thing. IT wasn't until our youngest was a senior in h.s. did we allow her to hold on to her own cell phone even during the night. I still don't think it was a good idea, but she purchased it with her money and is up to school each day and with virtually all A's, now. But, not at 14. Are there any tutors at school? If so, he should be 'required' to attend tutoring/teacher help to bring up the grades. Many schools offer that kind of help. As for his inappropriate behavior, is he angry at something deep down? We have a son who, at that age, as well, was always angry. One day he took his CD's and flung them at his bedroom walls like frisbees...they stuck in the drywall.....he did it out of sheer frustration/anger with school, etc. We made him purchase drywall compound and repair the damage...but the underlying reason needed to be addressed. He has severe anxiety issues and depression. It has been an ongoing battle since he was in 8th grade (he's 24 now). At least he can control his anger now, but there was an underlying reason behind it. Sometime meds help....sometimes behavior therapy, so they can work things through. I feel for you....

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