Miscarriage stories of loss, hope and help. It's always devastating to experience a loss. It can cause you to feel alone, isolated. There's no 'right' way to feel - a range of reactions are possible and normal. In addition to the grief you may feel, your body will be undergoing some profound hormonal adjustments, which may make you feel very emotionally volatile. If you have had a miscarriage, take the time to understand better why these occur and why it is not your fault.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Mother's Day - poetic or ironic?

I thought it was poetic, Rob thought it was ironic. We had to go in for what was supposed to be my last session of bloodwork and ultrasound, so that the doubting RE could prove to me, once and for all, that I am no longer ovulating. Thanks to some bad bloodwork numbers at the beginning of my cycle, he was talking menopause...

Even though I am mother to 3 grown children, I felt so sad yesterday morning. Knowing that I had to confirm the end of any further chance of motherhood on Mother's Day.

The RE said this was my last appt, he would no longer help me. No more monitoring, no more hope. The rollercoaster ride was over. As the nurse took my blood, she handed me a script for Provera to bring on my period.

But, as I lay on the ultrasound table, I heard the tech counting - 1,2,3. Yes, on a natural cycle, I have developed 3 follicles! But the question is, are they growing? My ovaries were uncooperative yesterday, and although she could see the follicles on the abdominal, she had a terrible time finding my ovaries with the transvaginal. She couldn't get a good view of the left one at all. I have wandering ovaries - it was somewhere behind my intestines or bowel?The ultrasound tech said that it made it impossible for her to measure the follicles. So I walked out wondering what finding 3 follicles of unknown size on day 19 might mean??I went from my appt to visit my mother, so we weren't back home in time to get the phone call with the bloodwork results. It was agony, waiting till today to call in for my results. Rip up the script for Provera! My estrogen has quadrupled in just 4 days, and it looks like I am still ovulating! Took a OPK this afternoon, and I have never seen such a thick, dark line! Good thing I woke up Rob this morning before work. Poor guy, I felt bad sending him off after that, while I got to snuggle down under the covers and sleep...So back we go, onto that wild rollercoaster ride, and back for more bloodwork next week, to confirm that I have ovulated yet again...Can't let that doubting RE get the best of me yet!

I'm so rooting for you, but I want to caution you about maybe getting your hopes up. I just had a baby at age 39, and saw an RE for a couple of months before I got pregnant. I was being monitored on natural cycles just to see how things were going in there before we intervened. (I got pg after a couple of cycles on my own)....anyway, at my u/s there were always like 10-14 follicles. Some on the right, some on the left. My RE said that was normal. I hope three is enough, but I just wanted you to know what they consider normal.

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