Stories

It's been 5 years since I had to face my worst fear, the moment I dreaded most. On August 16, 2011, I held Skylar while my husband supported her head, and we felt her sweet little lungs take their last breath. Then she was gone.

It was my first intimate meeting with death. I had seen the aftermath at many memorial services, but I had never been present when death came until that moment. That began my long-term relationship with death. It would visit me several more times over the next couple of years as I was present with people who would breathe their last. But that's okay. You know why? Because I've learned I can take a little bit of the sting away from death and that brings me joy.

I've found in losing many people I have loved, that comfort comes in the form of photographs. Not just digital ones either. At every memorial service I have been to (and unfortunately I have been to a lot), there has been some form of printed photo as a way to remember. Seeing the person alive, even if in a moment frozen in time by a picture, brings peace, comfort, good memories, and a reminder of the love we shared with that person - a reminder our love isn't lost.

From my own personal experience, and talking to the loved ones of those I have photographed who have already passed on, I know that photographs are an incredible gift to help through the grief and healing process. They give you a tangible thing to touch and give you permission to be whatever you need to be in that moment, whether it's saying that you miss them out loud or having a good cry when no one else is around.

Photos have allowed me to share my daughter, Skylar, with you. They have allowed a sweet little girl the ability to meet her big brother who is no longer living. They have allowed two beautiful children to interact every day with their daddy who lost his life to cancer. They have allowed parents to hold onto their child after they buried her. They have helped a mom feel validated on Mother's Day after her baby was no longer in her womb or in her arms. They have helped a mom celebrate the love she shares with her family and the time she has left. Memories matter. Photographs matter. People we love matter.

We want to help preserve memories for more people on a national level, but to do that, we need your help. You may have seen that we are in the middle of a crowdfunding campaign. Today, 5 years after Skylar left my arms forever, we have a goal to raise $5,000. I know raising $5k in a day seems crazy, but we know there are generous people out there who care about people in grief and believe that everyone deserves to be remembered. Will you join us in contributing any amount you are able to? Will you help us share our story? Will you help us reach our goal so we can start adding to our photographers to serve people across the nation?

Because of photos, I have so many precious memories preserved - how I really hated the color pink until Skylar looked so dang cute in it, how she would always hold my finger and squeeze it (which we called hand hugs since she couldn't move her arms), and how she would always look up at me with her big beautiful deep blue eyes full of wisdom and love, which I will always treasure. And the best part of all, these photos allow me to share them with you - even 5 years after she has been gone!

If you aren't able to donate, we would be so grateful if you could help us spread the word. Every share on social media, a mention to friends in conversation, or direct message to people you think would care about our mission is HUGE. Visit us on social media @lovenotlostorg for content to share and re-post.

We can't do this without your help and hope you'll join us in celebrating life and love in the face of grief.

On this day, we are encouraged by society to celebrate the romantic kind of love, lavished with kind words, chocolates, flowers, diamonds, kisses, and the newest apple gadgets. All of that certainly has its place, but we hope the other love in your life doesn't get overlooked. There are many people in our lives to love and be loved by... One of the the most important people to love is yourself.

The love you have for yourself and the love you share with others through friendships and other relationships can change your life.

When you suffer the loss of someone you love, your heart can be so broken that loving anyone, including yourself, feels almost impossible.

My husband and I were in the almost impossible. After losing our daughter Skylar, we knew we were up against a 90% divorce rate. It would've been so easy to walk away and I am pretty sure most everyone would've understood if we had. This is where love is so important and I hope you hear me on this.

We need to be loved, but it doesn't always have to be romantic love.

It was our parents, our few close friends, and our church leadership, that came through to love us when we weren't capable of loving each other. Our hearts were shattered and we were severely depressed. We felt empty, but each time we were loved by others, it gave us a little bit of love for ourselves and love to share with one another.

It was around this time that I discovered a company called So Worth Loving. I loved their message and bought a tank top that said, "You Are So Worth Loving" planning to spread the message to anyone who needed to hear it. It wasn't long before I realized that person was me. Years of negative self talk like, "Ugh. You're an idiot - I can't believe you did that wrong!" or "You're such a screw up, you overslept again!" and so many more lies had been adding up. I was the one who struggled with believing that I was worth loving and needed that truth to sink into my bones.

Every person reading this is worth loving. You might shrug it off or say, "no really... if you knew what I've done..." or maybe, "not me, I am a terrible person because..." Please listen when I tell you that everyone has made a bad decision (or many) at some point in their life. We all have things we could have absolutely done better, but that doesn't mean you are undeserving or unworthy of love.

Every negative thing we say to ourselves can start to become something we believe. Once we believe the lie that we're incapable of doing something right or we're not enough, it becomes truth and prevents us from loving ourselves, loving others, and being great.

As I've grown to love myself better, I've been amazed how much easier it is to love other people with the same kindness, forgiveness, grace, and patience that I am able to show myself. I'm also willing to take more risks and be more vulnerable, because I know that no matter what, I am still worth loving at the end of the day. It's this love for myself and love for others, that helped form the values and foundation of Love Not Lost.

The driving question of Love Not Lost is, "How can we love people better?" We have so many plans for this on a variety of different levels are are excited to share those with you when it's time. That's why our logo is the heart you see today. It's multi-faceted representing the many parts of our organization beyond just the photos. The facets resemble a gem to communicate the value we place on loving yourself and loving others better. Each connection point represents community, knowing that we are much stronger when we have the support of others than when we are alone. The many triangles represent the many people this is going to require to make Love Not Lost a successful organization. The colors are made up of golds, pinks, reds, and oranges to symbolize the different types of love as well as the different stages of grief and healing. We could go on about what the logo means to us, but we'd really like to know what the logo means to you! Would you please leave us a comment and let us know? We're excited to hear from you!

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