Sunday, April 25, 2010

Individuality

This poem MUST remain a state secret for a while so don't tell anyone you saw it here- my niece is using it for a school assignment under her name but I was so excited with it that I just wanted to post it already. So just don't let anyone find out that she paid me to write it for her. :-)

Growing up I felt alone, Had nowhere I felt right. My friends were always noticed,While I stood just out of sight.

They seemed to have it perfectKnowing just what to do and sayEasy smiles, the right clothes,They were accepted right away

So for a while I copiedMade sure to dress the same way tooHad the matching designer bagsAnd the perfect pair of shoes

The clothes didn’t seem to cut itEven the compliments seemed fakeSo I went back to my observingAnd looked for another take

And then I cut my hair like they didLaughed at the jokes I didn’t quite getThey laughed along and liked the hairstyle But I didn’t fit just yet

And as much as I kept tryingTo copy every expression on their facesI never felt like I was me, I was pieces in a thousand places

Then one day I woke up tiredWas so discouraged I could cryI put my hair into a good old ponytailAnd gave my own self a try.

That day at lunch I admittedThat those shoes pinched my toesI laughed a real laugh thenWhen all I heard were a bunch of “I know’s!”

Slowly I stopped worrying And stopped copying what they boughtFigured it was time to find out who I wasWithout worrying what they thought

Funny thing happened thenAs I started to make the shiftI became noticed moreWasn’t lost now in the drift.

I guess when I was like themI was just another face in the crowdWith those matching perfect shoes and bagNothing different to make me stand out

But now my hair is longer, Pulled back into placeIt’s not the raging styleBut it looks good on my face

And my friends really accept meFor whom I am and what I haveThey like me for what’s inside me(Although I still love that designer bag!)

It was hard to make that realizationThat I had to break awayStop doing things just to be like themAnd figure out my own way

But after all is said and doneIt’s easy enough to seeThat while it’s wonderful to feel accepted, It feels better to feel like me.

What happens if your niece or her teacher see this post?Ohh.. i guess they will also keep it as a state secret until she hands in the assignment:-) SO in that case I'll forward it to my friends and tell them not to share it. Nothing will happen if they share it with thier friends, of course after telling them not to pass it on...;-)

Dear Abby, -whoops, I mean J.A.P.-I was never one to copy the crowd just because it would help me be 'in', but it's been many years since school and I'm still trying to figure out who "me" is. You make is sound so easy and obvious. It is still important to conform to normal social standards on some level, especially for kids or they are viewed as total nebs. And even if you think you like being a neb, really you don't...how are KIDS supposed to figure out who they really are and still be accepted at the same time?

No need for excuses, you are 100% right. And the truth is she had so many people, So its not like she needed more. I'm one step closer, and besides I'm still trying to utilize the time that i can still run to every simcha. As you said, when you have little kids you cant run out every other night.

Invisible Me

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To the Reader:

I can be contacted at twinklebrite@yahoo.comThis is a blog of the journal I kept when I was a 16 year old teen with cancer.

It sat in my drawer collecting dust for a long time until I decided that it was important to get my story out there.

Whether the reader is here for inspiration, support, a laugh, a good cry, curiosity, or by accident, I'm glad to be of service.

I learned from this challenge that Hashem put before me and do not regret going through it. I will never know His reasoning, but that's not my job.

My job is to put myself out there and be there for anyone who needs chizuk. My job is to show the world that cancer can be a part of someone's every day living without taking over their life. My job is to show that there is a life after cancer as well.

That was then. I am now.

So if you feel that reading my blog/book has made a difference to you, then my journal has already more than served its purpose.