It started with not being able to breastfeed. It was upsetting, but amazing site like Fearless Formula Feeder helped me come to grips with it. My kid was fed, that’s the important part. Then Tater had infant acid reflux, which led to MANY different formulas being tried and rejected until we found one that fit.

Then, when he was ready for solids, I had visions of feeding him lovely vats of freshly pureed baby food, made with organic vegetables and love.

Guess how well that went. (Awww, you think I was able to do it? You’re so sweet, you must be new.)

At nearly two (OH GOD) we’re just grateful for the variety we can con him to eat. We still keep him pretty healthy, though we slip. He outed me to my mom when, as I was on speaker phone telling her about his preference for hummus and green vegetables, he starts screaming ” ‘OT DAWG! ‘OT DAWG!” from the backseat. (They’re turkey hot dogs, OKAY??)

Could YOU deny this dinosaur a ‘ot dawg?

SO. One Sunday, armed with love, a full fridge and the link to my favorite kid food blog one-handed cooks, I decided to make Quinoa, Chicken & Broccoli Nuggets. Now, quinoa and I are not friends. We don’t talk, we don’t hang out, and if we’re at a party together, we just make awkward small-talk over our wine glasses until the person we really wanted to talk to gets out of the bathroom. Quinoa is weirdly chewy and looks like bugs. But, 1) it’s a healthy super food and 2) I don’t have to eat it, the ankle-biter would. Score.

I cooked and then shreaded and chopped chicken and added it to the broccoli, quinoa with breadcrumbs, egg and cheese, I felt oddly powerful. A full-time job plus grad school keeps me busy, so I don’t get to be the Pinterest worthy mom I’d like to be. And I’m generally okay with that; hell, my blog is named “Kind of a Mess.” But this was easy. This was healthy chicken nuggets. I could do this.

While putting the nugget blobs (well, what would YOU call them??) on the parchment paper in preparation for cooking, I noticed that they were a bit…crumbly. Which was fine, I’m sure. The egg would bind it all together and Tater would spontaneously learn to make sentences and sing the praises of my culinary prowess. It was fine.

Nom?

Except when it wasn’t. Taking the nuggets out of the oven, I noticed that they didn’t bind together like in the recipe. In fact, they were even more crumbly, yet hard, like a fancy cookie from Strbucks that you forgot in the pocket of of your purse for a week. (That totally never happened. Nope.)

Greenish balls of sadness

They tasted okay, I guess, but were not holding together at ALL. I searched the recipe to see what I had forgotten. Did I miss an vital ingredient? Did I not bake them long enough? It’s an Australian site, maybe it’s an hemisphere issue, like how their toilets flush weird, maybe—

It’s an Australian site.

Some of you savvy types have probably already clicked on the recipe and realized this, but Quinoa, Chicken & Broccoli Nuggets call for “chicken mince”. In my mind, chicken mince is is cooked chicken that has been chopped up all nice into bits, you know, minced up chicken. But no. Oh, no. Chicken mince is actually GROUND CHICKEN in places that are not overly hot kitchens in North America. Friggin’. Ground. Chicken.

In my defense, it also says you can use “finely chopped chicken.” And says nothing about not being cooked beforehand. But still. Time, effort and food. Wasted.

Well, mostly. I figured that if they weren’t nuggets, I could still feed the kid quinoa, chicken and broccoli salad or something. Or I could eat it. I’d put some Ranch on it. I’m Texan, everything goes better with Ranch.

This mildly buoyant thought kept me happy almost all the way over to the counter when disaster struck. My elbow caught the corner of the open fridge door and the sudden jarring sent the (not) nuggets and parchment paper sliding off the tray. Onto the damn floor.

Don’t look at me, I’m not eating that crap.

Most of the (not) nuggets stayed on the paper, but a few escaped and tried to make a break for it under the fridge. And regardless, all of them exploded onto floor in a firework of protein and greens and mockery.

The situation was so ridiculous, that I took that picture before cleaning it up. And as I was going to grab a broom, I kept thinking how typical this was. The usual blog fodder, Alyssa made an effort and screwed something up. Tee-hee, isn’t she silly? But, for some reason, this thought made me SO ANGRY. This wasn’t just about the almost-nugget mess. Things at work and school have kept me crazy busy and less likely to accomplish what I’d like to in a day. We bought a house in September and still aren’t all the way unpacked. I just found two Christmas presents I didn’t send my sister-in-law and cards that I was supposed to send MONTHS ago. Somehow, possibly drugged by the quinoa fumes (it could be a thing, you don’t know…) I turned into a seething ball of self-pity.

“Why? WHY? Why was this SO me? Why couldn’t I just do something nice for my kid? Why didn’t I think to look up chicken mince? Why was I so dumb that I spilled things even when they weren’t in any remote danger of being spilled? Why couldn’t I just make something and have it turn out well? I didn’t need anymore friggin’ stories of my screw-ups, I needed a damn win on occasion. WHY COULDN’T I HAVE NICE THINGS?!?”

I have learned that the one good thing about age is that your indignant self-pity tantrums tend to end just as quickly as they flare up. By the time I had the quinoa, chicken, broccoli explosion cleaned up, reason had a talk with emotion and made it go have a lie-down while it made it a nice cup of tea. Things do not ALWAYS go wrong for me, I just tend to not pay as much attention to the wins. Focusing on the negative, I tend to define myself not by what I can do, but what I cannot.

And even then, it’s not an actual cannot, it’s a DIDnot. This DID not go well, therefore everything blows. I DIDnot do that thing I said I wanted to do, so therefore I’m a failure, even though the lack of DID in this particular instance has no bearing on the rest of my life. GOD, Alyssa, you SUCK.

I need to remember more often that I do not actually suck. My son is beautiful and well fed, as is my husband. Things in my house are weird and messy (figuratively and literally) and real. I keep telling myself that I don’t compare to other women, other families, but I think I’m deluding myself a bit. For every chore I don’t get done, every plan that does not get met, I put it in my Shame Hat and wear that crap around with me all day. Which is counter-intuitive, because they weigh me down and keep me from doing more, being better. Failure is something you should step on to lift you up, not crawl under to keep you down.

So much angst, all about some stinkin’ quinoa.

So I’m trying. I’m not doing so great, but I’m trying to give myself some slack. Lighten up and use my fails for blog fodder and not commentary on my performance as an adult. My kid is fed. My kid is happy. That’s what matters. I’m Alyssa and I’m kind of a mess. Apparently, I’m still coming to grips with it.

Quinoa is still gross, though.

This essay and I are part of the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project — To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! And to learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, just released in paperback, CLICK HERE! There will be a giveaway next week! YAY!! Everyone loves a giveaway!!!

I know a lot of you are curious about the hair. It is growing like gangbusters, which also means it is growing WEIRD. I can do a faux-hawk, but not in a cool way, in a “did you mean to do that with your head?” way. For a while there it was leaning into Brandon Walsh territory, but my fabu hairstylist, courtesy of this lovely lady, has gotten things under control. I’ve also got some crazy grey hairs that at least have the decency to be silver, but also stick straight up higher than all my other hair. When I only noticed one or two, I thought it was cute and named them. When Phyllis and Sir Lukely Frost was joined by about seventeen others, they rapidly ceased to be amusing. The only downside is I’ve outgrown pixie and am steadily headed into mullet territory. Pray for me.

Tater is lovely and adorable and occasionally turns into this demon child that makes me want to Google “black market child sales*.” We have entered the whiny phase of development that makes me look at “Reasons My Son is Crying” and nod in solidarity. (Although, I occasionally sympathize with the kids too. I know this feel, brah. I know this feel…) He is brilliant and knows his letter and colors already…but he also is easily fooled for the fake “go get the ball” game where I pretend to throw a ball and actually palm it. Even the dog is like, “Dude.”

We’re not gonna send in that Mensa paperwork just yet…

I’ve been back at grad school this semester, so most of my time is spent on homework and trying to do some for reals writing and instead just ending up on Buzzfeed again. (STOP TAKING THOSE QUIZZES, Y’ALL. You cannot find out your aura or which Sopranos character you should be via multiple choice.) But at least this afternoon I’ve got a special post going up up later today, in honor of Momastery’s Messy, Beautiful Warriors Project. I’m not usually in for the inspirational, I do snark much better, but something about this project seemed lovely and genuine. And if you don’t like it, that’s okay. Read it at least for a picture of Maggie.

Anyway, how are YOU?!? Your mom an’em okay? Tell me things. (Not that I’ve told you anything in a while, so I get it. It’s okay. I still love you deeply.)

*Please note that this is a damn joke and do not call CPS on me.

]]>https://kindofamess.com/2014/04/18/april-seriously/feed/1kindofamessSt. Baldrick’s – Black Sheep Lacquer Giveaway – WINNER!https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/23/st-baldricks-black-sheep-lacquer-giveaway-winner/
https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/23/st-baldricks-black-sheep-lacquer-giveaway-winner/#respondMon, 23 Sep 2013 18:15:04 +0000http://kindofamess.com/?p=3374Read More]]>I am excited to announce that the winner of the Black Sheep Lacquer giveaway is ERIN B.!!!! She is thrilled, and I know her digits will dance with delight over Baldrick! (Like that alliteration? Kinda fell apart at the end, but what are you gonna do?)

All of her proceeds go to St. Baldrick’s, which still leaves me reeling at her generosity! Plus? The color is GORGEOUS. I’ve already placed an order for mine (and The Great Below, a purple holographic because, HELLO, LOOK AT IT.)

So go to Black Sheep Lacquer’s shop, and snatch it up! And thank everyone for entering, and thank every single one of my reader for…well, reading. I appreciate every single one of your beautiful faces. I’ll stop talking about my head very soon, I promise. (Although the complaints about my hair growing in are coming…you know they are. I apologize in advance.)

]]>https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/23/st-baldricks-black-sheep-lacquer-giveaway-winner/feed/0kindofamessBaldick - Black Sheep LacquerMinor Updatehttps://kindofamess.com/2013/09/22/minor-update/
https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/22/minor-update/#commentsSun, 22 Sep 2013 21:25:09 +0000http://kindofamess.com/?p=3365Read More]]>Happy Sunday, weekend readers! (All two of you!). Things are going swimmingly with the bald head; I had minor apprehension about letting it fly at work, that is until one of my head wraps would not cooperate. Apparently, my irritation at unruly fashion accessories outweighs my ego.

My selfie needs work.

Still no internet at the new house. You’d think I’d get more done, but I spend most of the time yelling about how I can’t find anything and moving is stupid and this house is stupid and YOUR FACE IS STUPID.

Mostly said to Jethro. The baby’s face is not stupid, it is the cutest widdle face in the whole wide world! Except when he has a cold. Then he’s just gross.

Not gross. Yet.

But we are settled in well enough to get cranky at little things (WHY is that wall right there where I keep running into it??) but not enough for me to start dreaming up Pinterest projects. YET…Oh, it’s happening. And then they’ll fail and then you’ll have to hear about them on the blog. It’s not pointless DIY, it’s creating blog content!

Have you liked my Kind of a Mess page on Facebook yet?? You should do that. Right now it’s not much, but I hope to soon clog your news feed with wonderous wonderment from around the web and my own brain. With minimal cat pictures.

And come back tomorrow for the announcement of the winner of the giveaway of a custom polish fromBlack Sheep Lacquer!! This has been one of the most awesome things I’ve been a part of with my blog, and I’d like to thank Erin once again for offering up her talents!!!

Erin has been working hard to create Baldrick and has sneak peek pictures on her Instagram. These are not the final, but they are gorgeous and sparkly and I want to buy it right NOW. So go and enter already!!

Hair is gone, gone, GONE!! Saturday was eventful and wonderful and I’ll have a recap for you soon. Unfortunately, my shave day was right smack dab in the middle of us moving into a new house (our first!!) so Sunday and Monday was full of moving and cleaning and generally freaking out.

Also, we are not getting internet until the 25th because someone didn’t set up the installation until Friday (JETHRO.), so my posts will be spotty at best until then.

But, I raised $1,859 as of Saturday!!! That’s 123.9% of my goal and is a 1000% AMAZING. I cannot thank all of you enough, whether you donated or not. The support has been crazy and wonderful and I want to make out with every single one of you.

And to answer a few of the other questions people have:

Rubbing my bald head feels like petting a puppy.

A bald head feels incredible in a hot shower. It also feels weird in air conditioning. Like when you have damp hair and your head feels cool. It’s like that all the time.

Tater did not wig out when I got shaved. Or afterwards. Or at all. The thing he cared most about was getting down so he eat the hair dryers at the salon.

I was a little apprehensive going in public, but now I’m rockin’ the bald like nobody’s business. Unfortunately, nobody has asked me what’s wrong with my head; which sucks because I have a spiel and business cards and everything. I’m getting one of these buttons.

https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/17/shaved-stbaldricks/feed/6kindofamess1231688_10151582075106502_1679637922_nSt. Baldrick’s – Black Sheep Lacquer Giveaway!!https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/14/st-baldricks-black-sheep-lacquer-giveaway/
https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/14/st-baldricks-black-sheep-lacquer-giveaway/#commentsSat, 14 Sep 2013 11:30:04 +0000http://kindofamess.com/?p=3345Read More]]>Hello, lovelies! I cannot tell you how excited I am about this post!! As y’all know, I am a huge nail polish fan, especially indie nail polish, made by regular people and sold online. (So much so that I review it on we heart this!) So it is with great pleasure that I announce a giveaway in collaboration with Black Sheep Lacquer for a brand new custom polish to benefit St. Baldrick’s!!

First off, let me introduce Erin, she of Black Sheep Lacquer and fancy polish magic. She opened Black Sheep Lacquer in January 2013 and it’s been going like gang-busters ever since. I got her attention when I featured Aliens Exist in my Polish post, and she graciously offered to donate a polish. We got to talking over email and when she suggested that she make a custom green polish to giveaway, I nearly fell over. Then when Erin said that she would be adding the color to her shop and donating the profits to St. Baldrick’s, I shrieked and scared the dog.

Seriously, this is a super generous offer and it’s a super awesome chance for you to win a the first of a brand new, Black Sheep Lacquer custom made green polish! Bragging rights, woo hoo!! Also, Black Sheep Lacquer just earned their Leaping Bunny certification, which means that not only are her products animal cruelty free, so are her suppliers. There will NEVER be any animal testing on Black Sheep Lacquers, including carmine and beeswax.

Now, about that polish! It’s name will be Baldrick and it will be green and…well, that’s all I have so far because it is still being designed. But if any of the other polish in Black Sheep Lacquer’s shop is any indication, it’s gonna be so damn cool!!! (JEALOUS. I’ll be buying my own bottle once they’re available.)

So! This giveaway is separate from my Etsy Giveaway (which ends 9/14), even though both are in honor of my St. Baldrick’s shave date. So if you entered that one, you’ll have to enter this one too. (I KNOW. It’ll be okay, sweetie. We’ll get through this rough time together.)

To enter, all you need to do is click this link, head to the “Giveaways” tab and like my “Kind of a Mess” Facebook page to see the giveaway and enter your email address. There’s no donation necessary to win, though if you’d like to see why we are doing this giveaway, please head to my event page to read about not only my journey, but all the other shavees, as well as the beautiful honored kids of St. Baldrick’s. Even though my shave is on September 14th, you can still donate after that date. Or you can choose another event to donate to, if you wish!

You also have two extra chances to win by tweeting the contest or liking Black Sheep Lacquer’s Facebook page and keeping up with all the shop’s upcoming releases and news! Contest ends September 21th at 11:59pm.

So like, tweet and comment away! Are you as excited as I am? What

]]>https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/14/st-baldricks-black-sheep-lacquer-giveaway/feed/9kindofamessSt. Baldrick’s – Etsy Giveaway: LUCKYhttps://kindofamess.com/2013/09/13/st-baldricks-etsy-giveaway-lucky/
https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/13/st-baldricks-etsy-giveaway-lucky/#respondFri, 13 Sep 2013 16:26:05 +0000http://kindofamess.com/?p=3255Read More]]>Today is the second to last* day of my Etsy giveaway, and the day before get my head shaved! Today’s themed round-up is Lucky!
*Edit: I initially said it was the last day of my giveaway. I’m a moron.

4. So technically this is a Mint Green and Gold Quatrefoil Charm Necklace by Nestled, not a four leaf clover. But the quatrefoil’s design is based off of the four leaf clover, so it should bring you just as much luck. Or at least an opportunity to use the word “quatrefoil” in casual conversation

6. Know what else is cute? Wee little baby booties baby booties by Bison Booties. Put them on your kid now, before they have learned to take them off and throw them at the dog. (True story. Maggie is fine.)

9. Confetti!!! From Pass The Scissors Shop! Very classy when sprinkled on tables for a festive look. Or mailed in letters as a joke, just make sure you only sent confetti.

10. I love LOVE this Project Four Leaf Clover card by Architette Studios. Engineer your own luck! (Don’t quote me on that, that’s terrible. I’d erase it, but I need it as a reminder of why I don’t get into copywriting.)

11. This Lucky sign by Shabbyz is a great reminder for those days when things aren’t going so well. The “it could be worse!” mentality isn’t one that I recommend you subscribe to on a regular basis, but sometimes you do need a reminder that we are, indeed, lucky.

Finally, today’s collages were done by the lovely Liz of Happy Sighs, who is a major reason I’m even doing this event. She’s helped me out, on these picture and SO much more, so I had to include one of my favorite green items from her shop Betsy Ann Paper. And this one I can actually vouch for in person, her work is GORGEOUS; I was actually complimented on the thank you cards that I sent out after my baby shower. Now how often does someone call you to tell you that your thank you card is wonderful???

Which item is your favorite, moppets?? And, (You know I have to remind you of this, it’s kind of a thing now) don’t forget to enter my giveaway!!

]]>https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/13/st-baldricks-etsy-giveaway-lucky/feed/0kindofamesslucky1lucky2il_570xN.394544410_tea2St. Baldrick’s Updatehttps://kindofamess.com/2013/09/13/st-baldricks-update/
https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/13/st-baldricks-update/#respondFri, 13 Sep 2013 05:18:00 +0000http://kindofamess.com/?p=3330Read More]]>Y’ALL. I just wanted to give you all a quick update to let you know I have EXCEEDED MY GOAL!!! I am floored and overwhelmed and all sorts of words that mean I’ve been a happy, weepy mess the last two days. I knew the Etsy giveaway would be fun, but the comments have shown just how cancer has touched so many lives, but also just how you all keep your loved ones in your hearts. Your support makes me feel like a full puppy in the sun.

I wrote a post at we heart this on my journey so far, which also includes a link to my Pinterest post-shave inspiration board. If you’d still like to donate, please visit my shave page! We are moving into a new house, so I am not online as much as I’d like to be right now, but please know I am thinking about everyone single one of you and thanking you for supporting me. You are all beautiful, sexy people.

Stay tuned, as I’ve got another round-up and some very exiting news on another giveaway!! ( I KNOW. I’m stoked too!)

]]>https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/13/st-baldricks-update/feed/0kindofamessSt. Baldrick’s – Etsy Giveaway: POLISHhttps://kindofamess.com/2013/09/11/st-baldricks-etsy-giveaway-polish/
https://kindofamess.com/2013/09/11/st-baldricks-etsy-giveaway-polish/#commentsWed, 11 Sep 2013 11:30:42 +0000http://kindofamess.com/?p=3257Read More]]>By now you’ve entered the Etsy Giveaway in honor of my St. Baldrick’s shave event on September 14th, yes? Of course you have. And you also know that I adore polish, especially indie polish, which I review for we heart this. Sooo, of course I have to show you some of my favorite indie polishes in green, like the lovely St. Baldrick’s logo.

2. Nail Pattern Boldness is a superstar in the indie polish world and you can see why with Flipping Out Hard. Made up of yellow, green and blue matte neon glitters, this bad boy is neon awesomeness.

3. Shimmer Nail Polish does crazy things with glitter. CRAZY THINGS. She’s magic. Check out Cristina, a deep forest green with a hint of red and fuchsia glitter. (Also? She needs a polish named Alyssa. Just sayin’….)

4. Bad Mogwai!! Get this and apply it as you watch Gremlins, because you haven’t seen it in forever and it is as awesome as you remember. By I Love Nail Polish

14. Finally we have Green Gables by Literary Lacquers. It stands alone because it is special…and because I am not so good with planning out my collages. (I AM LEARNING, YOU HUSH.) Regardless, this beauty is a green holo and is inspired by Anne of Green Gables. (I KNOW! I got all excited too!) I adore this brand because all of her polishes are inspired by literary works, and they fit their inspirations perfectly. Polish AND books?? She is a woman after my own heart.

*******

What do you think, moppets? Which is your favorite? Do you already own any polishes by these amazing sellers? Need the link to the giveaway again and are too lazy to scroll back up? Here you go. The things I do for you…

**All photos are property of the site owner. All items were chosen because of heir awesomeness and I am receiving absolutely no compensation for the mention.