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If you’re a hardcore Lovecraft fan, you probably have some version of the Necronomicon lying around. If you’re also a hardcore Evil Dead fan, you must also have an iteration or five of the blasphemous text that Ash and Scotty unearth in the basement of their creepy rental cabin—but I could bet a sacrifice to any tentacled gods that you don’t have this one.

Credit: Middle of Beyond

This officially Evil Dead 2 branded and much more portable Necronomicon ex Mortis from Middle of Beyond has made sure that demonic entities are guarding your credit cards, ID, and any spare change that you might need to call Cthulhu if your smartphone dies. Made of full grain leather (meaning the high-quality stuff), it’s debossed with that same twisted expression as the thing that emerged from the shadows, down to every anguished wrinkle that comes from screaming, screaming, and more screaming. Which is just what cashiers and the people behind you at the supermarket checkout line may do when they see it.

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Did I mention that it says I'll swallow your soul on the inside flap as a warning to anyone tempted to steal a few bucks? And that it comes in a sick black Evil Dead 2 bag that stares at you through the eyeballs of that iconic skull from the original movie poster? All that evil is contained in a black box with an appropriately blood-red logo. Tape recorder not included.

Credit: Middle of Beyond

If you had to click add to cart right away the moment you saw this, all the money in it might fly out once you dig up the other blasphemous Evil Dead merch on MoB. That charming face is also on a scarf and sweater that are also stitched in chains, moonlit cabins, and chainsaws, as if Grandma was feeling really deranged when she picked up her knitting needles. The ornament is essential if you prefer your holiday décor more scary than sparkly.

There is also—wait for it—something for your pillow. Yes, a terrifying Neconomicon pillowcase actually does exist, and it’s even on sale right now, because there’s no better way to induce nightmares than falling asleep with your head in that gaping maw.