Monday, May 19, 2003

WHO’S THE BIG BABY…

Quickly…

The BBC aired a report last night (of a story first covered in the UK’s Guardian) that the (now famous) rescue of Pvt. Jessica Lynch (from an Iraqi hospital) was completely staged. According to the Brits, U.S. troops knew in advance that they would not come under enemy fire but “stormed” the hospital (where Pvt. Lynch was being watched over by sympathetic Iraqi doctors and nurses) just to catch the action “on tape.” One Iraqi doctor said that the soldiers were “acting like they were in a Hollywood movie or something” when they rescued their injured (but safe) comrade by screaming, yelling, subduing doctors and nurses, and waving their guns in the air.

Hmmm.

Apparently, a five-minute tape of the rescue was produced within hours of the “event.” Requests for unedited footage of the rescue have been laughed at. The BBC report went on to say that the “rescue” was staged to boost (low) morale among the “coalition forces” and to bolster support from the Wal-Martians…er…American people.

Doo bee doo bee doo.

We’re all glad that Pvt. Lynch made it through her ordeal alive. Unfortunately, Pvt. Lynch cannot remember the details of her ordeal because she has amnesia.

Right.

Wait. Does she have amnesia or…? Wink wink, nudge nudge. You know what I’m saying.

Guaranteed, production on her "made for TV" movie is almost finished. (I think NBC/GE has the rights.)

“How can we make a movie if we don’t have her version of the story?”
“We have OUR version of the story.”
“Oh. Right.”

And speaking of life inside the Matrix – White house Press Secretary Ari Fleischer is “retiring” in July. (Ding dong, there is a god.) The news is not too surprising since this post tends to turn over a few times during any administration. However, it is good news for those of us who can’t stand the sight of Ari or the sound of his voice. Ari’s ability to dodge or lie without emotion or feeling is second too none. He will not be missed.

I’m sure that most of the members of the White House press corps would agree.

“This is a public service announcement…with guitars!” – The Clash

And finally…who’s the big baby that’s been defacing the NOFX posters around Hollywood?

NOFX, a popular SoCal punk band, have a new album called “The War on Errorism.” The album art (which is excellent, by the way) features an illustration of GW as a CLOWN. (Depicting political leaders as clowns, retards and freaks has long been a main ingredient in punk art. Punk flyers from the early 80’s - Dead Kennedys, the Adolescents and Minor Threat – had Reagan doing just about every awful sexual thing the punks could think of.) Promo posters for this album were plastered all over Hollywood a couple of weeks ago (you know, on construction sites, on bus benches, in front of record stores, etc), but have been defaced in the last few days. Lest anyone think that Hollywood is a liberal town, some jackass has been racing around and “ripping” the Resident’s face off the posters.

Waaaggghhh.

Get a life, man. You can’t stop NOFX. They’ve been at this for way too long.