Friday, May 31, 2013

Sometimes you miss some good things watching Impact. This time, to coincide with TNA Impact moving their start time from 8 pm to 9 pm, I missed from what I hear a very good interview on Thursday Night AMP with one Devin Sturgis (the guy in the pimp suit who was interviewing Lex Luger when he did his infamous "I Don't Know" promo) and what do I get for it, a rather bland episode of Impact and a very bad go-home show for one of the companies four live PPVs. Although as we show with our preview of the PPV, the card does not look too good also. In fact, I am actually looking forward to the Chikara iPPV on at the same time (it will be the one I am watching despite my TNA duties) and several of the taped TNA One Night Only shows. Click here to listen as we talk about this week's Impact (as well as some news). Click Here

Friday, May 24, 2013

While we didn't mention our overall opinion on the show, I can say that I thought this show gets a C. Crap like the Wes Brisco stuff, the commentating stupidity, James Storm's mystery partner revelation (that was clusterfuck segment), the short time given to Angle-Anderson, Suicide once again being not that good was equaled by the awesomeness of the AJ Styles' setup and final reveal, Mickie becoming the new champ (while showing hints of being a heel), and Sting finally deciding to continue to be at his best in a long time. We also talked about the continuing medical bills nightmare going on for a current wrestler (poor Zema Ion) and the astonishing fact that TNA to have a fitness app star JEFF HARDY (yes, the same one who has had a history of drug abuse, which you think would make him the worst person to talk about being healthy).Click Here

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Sometimes Pulling Monsters Out Of Your Ass Might Not
Work, Even In Japan

1967

I
love kaiju monster movies. For those who don’t know that is monster movies made
in Japan where the monsters are played by guys in rubber suits. Great monsters
have come out of this like Godzilla, Ghidorah, Mothra, Rodan, along with so
many others. Hell, the Power Rangers monster battle is Kaiju footage used by
the Sentai Ranger series. Well, when Power Rangers were good, they used sentai
footage. When they had to use their own created CGI?

Yeah,
The Folks At The Asylum Would Be So Proud

Anyway,
kaiju has for most of the time created some of our favorite monsters.
Unfortunately, as you have seen from the early Gamera movies…..

That
Wasn’t Always The Case

Enter
Shochiku, a company that mostly distributed anime films and kabuki (Japanese
dance-drama). In fact, they rarely did something in the Sci-Fi/Horror realm
that this year, the Eclipse series (Criterion’s foreign film series) did a box
set on the four films that Shochiku did in that genre. So what do you get with
a company that is not used to doing this, but does it because it was kaiju was
the in thing in Japan (heck, every Japanese studio was making a kaiju film in
1967)? You get a monster based on space pollen.

No,
I am not kidding you on that one. That is exactly what the X From Outer Space
is. I remember seeing only half of this movie (was shown on either the Movie
Channel, on one of the Encore stations, or Flix) and for a long ass time, I
wanted to induct this into Monster Crap immediately and I believe in the early
polls, I had this was one of the options, but it never got inducted because I
don’t believe many people had heard of this film at the time. And when it got
later on, I couldn’t nominate it because I did not have the DVD (same thing happened
with The Giant Claw). Well thanks to the Eclipse series, I have this film and I
can finally induct this film into Monster Crap. Although thanks to NegaSeth, I
won’t even get the pleasure of nominating it. Bastard…

I Wouldn’t Call
Me That Yet Because The Films Afterwards Will Be Worse

The
film stars Eiji Okada, who’s earlier credits include his big break in the
Japanese film Hiroshima, Mon Amour; Woman of the Dunes; and was personally
chosen by Marlon Brando to star alongside him in The Ugly American. It also has
Toshiya Wazaki (whose only other film at this point was Judo Showdown), Peggy
Neal (who co-starred with Sonny Chiba in The Terror Beneath The Sea), Franz
Gruber (who was also in The Terror Beneath The Sea), and Mike Daneen (who was
also in that film and his first film was actually Rodan).

Well,
since there isn’t much info other than that before the film was released, let’s
get to inducting this film.

Note:
Remember that I am using the English-Dub of this film.

You
Will Have To Excuse The Subtitles For This And The Title, Those Crawls Weren’t
Done In English.

And
with one of the most abrupt opening scores, we get our title screen.

And
we begin this movie at the site for a liftoff into outer space. An American
with a nice beard has flown in with a package locked away into a steel box.
Inside the building, they are talking about the flight plan. It is here where
we meet our main characters, Dr. Shioda, Miyamoto, Lisa, and Capt. Sano

I’ve
Noticed That With All Of The Four Films They Did In This Different Genre, Shochiku
Always Had A Strange Thing With Adding A Blonde Woman. I Don’t Know Why To Be
Exact, But There Is Always At Least One Blonde Woman In Their Films. Oh And She
Is Always Played By An American Actor, Of Course.

We
learn that the primary objective of this space launch is to orbit the planet
Mars and land, if possible because previous Mars attempts have failed under
mysterious circumstances. The only clue is that a UFO or something has crossed
the flight path before each disaster. Because of that, the secondary mission is
to find and report immediately any UFO so they can determine what caused the
other missions to be aborted. Of course this crew will be getting a new
spaceship called the AAB Gamma so hopefully things will go better this time.
Sano is told that he is to take care of the spacecraft; Lisa is told that she
is to collect specimens, but don’t touch anything without Capt. Sano’s okay;
Shioda is told that his job is to monitor the physiological conditions of the
crew; and Miyamoto is told begin communications with ground control right after
last stage separation.

We
learn that the bearded American from earlier is Dr. Burman and the package he
delivered was the fuel for this little expedition. They are also told by the
gentleman who came in with Dr. Burman that everything checks out and the launch
is a go. Also, they get reassured that this spaceship has been designed to take
care of any problems that might happen in this mission so this won’t be a one
way trip although I’m damn sure he said that to all of the other crews of the
past so I wouldn’t believe him for one stinking second.

After
the briefing, we learn a bit about our crew in that Miyamoto is trying to get
into Lisa’s pants with no luck whatsoever. Sano basically reminds Miyamoto that
he is kind of an idiot because well, he kind of made the mistake of telling
their position without turning on the microphone, which Lisa does a horrible and
forced laugh at. Oh, I have the feeling that I am so going to love being with
this crew and if you can’t tell that I am being sarcastic, this is here to tell
you that of course I am being sarcastic.

Yeah,
You Pretty Much Know The Score With Having Really Bad Models In Films From Back
In The 60s. And Yet Somehow They Look Better Than Anything In That Abomination
That Was The Clash Of The Titans Remake

They
launch into outer space with no problems.

Although
I’m Sure That Smoke There Is To Hide The Wire Connected To That Rocket.

The
spaceship gets separated from the rocket as our mission begins.

The
crew look outside to see Earth passing by them, when the spaceship is okay for
them to walk in.

Back
on the ground floor, Dr. Burman (in a terrible German accent) believes that the
UFO must be responsible for the past mission failures. They wonder if the UFO
is controlled from Mars or on another part of Earth since it has only appeared
during past space missions to Mars. Of course, I have a different theory.

It’s
Those Assholes From Planet X At It Again

Of
course no sooner does the crew reach outer space when that UFO that has been
causing problems shows up.

And
of course, the guy who is supposed to observe the physiological conditions of
the others, if having problems of his own. The crew strap themselves in and
chase off the UFO. Communications are finally able to be made with the ground
crew and it is told that the UFO just disappeared. And Shioda is fine after
getting some liquid into him. The crew then makes for a rendezvous on the moon.

We
learn that the person who is helping the crew land on the moon is Michiko.

It
is shown through conversation that there is some tension between Capt. Sano and
Michiko. Michiko tries to pass off her duties to someone else since she doesn’t
want to speak to Sano, but she is forced to do her job. Remember people, you
can have all the tension you want, but you better do your job.

And
Random Black Guy Just Shrugs.

The
spaceship lands without too much incident and Shioda is taken to sick bay to
see what was wrong with him, but it turns out of course that Shioda just had a
case of space sickness. At meal time, we learn that things grow much larger on
the moon because of no atmosphere. Lisa gives Michiko some ear rings from
Germany, which Sano is not too happy about because she snuck them aboard, to
which Lisa uses the “I’m a woman” excuse. Then we get a random scene of people jumping
up and down on the moon.

Like
I Said, Completely Random

Afterwards,
Sano and Miyamoto talk about things while having a bath. Meanwhile, Lisa is
having a shower.

Better
Hope Space Norman Bates’ Mom Doesn’t Appear.

Of
course, we see that Michiko is kind of jealous as she likes Capt. Sano and so
does Lisa of course. We are then told that Dr. Shioda has to be replaced thanks
to his space sickness and ground control chooses Dr. Stein to be his
replacement.

Dr.
Stein Is Obviously Not Too Happy About The News

He
initially refuses, but Sano tells him that orders are orders and that he will
be the replacement. Lisa tries to get Sano to dance with her, but Sano refuses
and instead heads to bed. Miyamoto of course takes his place and dances with
Lisa.

The
next day, the crew with the replacement get ready to head to Mars, but are
warned that a meteor shower is incoming so they might want to be careful. And
with them being in outer space, Dr. Stein decides this is the perfect time to
be a whiny baby about space food not being that good. The meteor shower appears
and it causes a hole into the ship which has to be sealed up.

And
guess what seals that hole for the time being.

Yep,
Miyamoto’s Butt Fills The Hole.

Now
of course in a real situation a vacuum as strong as what is in outer space
should mean that Miyamoto’s internal organs should be shooting out of his ass,
which would mean a very nasty end for him, Miyamoto is just fine as they are
able to seal the hole. The ground crew worries because this crew is now in the
area where previous missions have ended tragically and if this one fails, then
all future attempts will be cancelled.

They
have to resuscitate Lisa because she faints from the accident and of course,
she is fine after that. And of course the UFO just now decides to show up
again.

They
try to get away from the UFO, but they are getting pulled in by magnets. Sano
decides that since the engines will be useless against the magnet and all they
will be doing is wasting fuel, he turns the engines off despite Stein’s loud
protests. Stein panics and tries to use the engines to get away and it seems
that three people have a problem getting Stein away from the controls.

Back
on moonbase, Michiko wants to be on a rescue ship to rescue the crew from their
current situation, but her superior is against it. After that, everything is
shockingly fine with us never seeing them be fine. Yeah, this is left
unexplained as to what happened to keep things back to being calm and that is
one of the problems this film has with it focusing on stuff that doesn’t seem
important and not focusing on stuff that are important.

Lisa
then notices some spores on the back of their spaceship and tells the others.

Yep,
That Is Exactly What Our Monster Is Going To Come From

Sano
decides to go out of the spaceship to take care of this situation, but Lisa
decides to go with him despite Sano’s attempt to discourage her.

Lisa
decides to take a sample as Sano wipes the rest of the pollen off the ship.

They
then get back onto the ship after cleaning up.

Sano,
This Is Not A Perfect Time To Be Space Surfing

After
getting back communications, a rescue rocket is sent to give the crew spare
fuel for the ride back and on this rescue ship is Michiko, of course.

Back
on Earth, the scientists look at the strange spore that was taken from space
while Dr. Burman invites the crew to his house for a party to celebrate the
crew’s safe return. Of course, Dr. Stein won’t be there because he has a
special date with his wife that was planned and that he was complaining about
during the whole mission.

At
the party, they get a phone call that the lab has been compromised with a hole
on the floor, but the spore is still on the table. However, the spore breaks
apart when they attempt to pick it up meaning something was in that spore and
it is now gone.

They
Also Find A Footprint Of Some Kind

The
crew then mentions that it looks like the footprint of a big chicken. And there
is why I mention this to be a space chicken. At a power plant nearby, power
starts to drop for unknown reasons. When the crew then gets to the hotel, smoke
and lights appear from a hill.

An
explosion follows and out from that explosion appears…….

Bahahahahaahahahahahaha!!!!

I
mean seriously, that has to be one of the goofiest monsters I have ever seen.
And remember boys and girls, that thing came from space pollen. And then it
cuts to the next day with the monster gone.

I’m
Not Kidding. This Film Has Really Awkward Jump Cuts.

After
seeing a giant footprint, they go back to the lab where they have a meeting on
this monster.

There,
they talk about how the monster is heading for Tokyo and that they have to
protect Tokyo.

So
Massive Evacuations Begin…

And
The Monster Is Super-Imposed Into This Shot Terribly

We
then cut to them mentioning that they tried every weapon known to man and
nothing seems to stop this monster. Um Shochiku, you do know the adage of
“show, don’t tell”, because you are pretty much failing at that. We don’t see
one bit of clashing between the military and the monster before this line is
said. It is at this meeting where they call the monster Guilala. Oh and then we
see the tanks combating the monster.

Someone
At Shochiku Did A Pretty Poor Job Of Editing This Film Together

Of
course since this is a monster movie, we see the tanks having zero effect on
Guilala.

And
Guilala Shoots Fireballs Out Of Its Mouth

Rockets
and planes join the fight, and they don’t have any effect on Guilala either.

Insert
News Montage Here

After
that, we see more destruction caused by the monster and the military having no
way of stopping it.

No,
Those Are Not Lasers. They Are Masers. I’ve Watched Enough Japanese Giant
Monster Movies To Know The Difference.

Guilala
grabs a ship and throws it at the military troops. Capt. Sano, Lisa, Miyamoto,
and Michiko decide to go to the moon to conduct research to see if they can
find out about the stuff that surrounded the spore. And after a repeat of old
footage, they get to the moon.

Meanwhile
Guilala Is Still Destroying Cities In Japan So This Trip To The Moon Seems More
Like A Move Of….

Run
Away, Run Away

Exactly.
At the defense center….

They
Apparently Have A Giant Board To Show What The Monster Has Destroyed.

The
military seems to believe that Guilala looks like he is losing energy so he
might try to find a source to recharge.

Guilala
Continues Attacking Cities.

They
call Lisa at the moon base and they get word that the stuff outside the spore
(called Guilalalium, because why not) seems to work in sealing the monster
inside a spore. They have of course found ample supply of it on the lunar rocks
so they should be ready to deliver the stuff and make an attempt to stop
Guilala. Dr. Burman and the Japanese scientist who I find out at this point is
Dr. Kato, talk about their options and say that if this plan does not work, the
only other option will be the H-Bomb.

Yeah,
Let’s Hope That Guilalalium Works

The
four who are at the moon head for Earth with the Guilalalium when a problem
erupts as the ship starts going haywire. They originally believe it is that
damn UFO, but it is actually something inside the ship. Sano has Lisa check the
computer complex, but before she can get there, they find out that it is the
Guilalalium that is causing the problems. Back on Earth, the people are getting
worried about the chance that the rocket might not make it back in time to stop
Guilala and the monster itself is destroying more stuff.

Like
A Boss…..

Back
on the rocket, things do not look good because at this current course, they are
not going to be able to land on Earth and just orbit it. Lisa deduces that the
only way they can lessen the effects of the Guilalalium on the ship is by
cutting out all contact with the outside. They will have to do this by putting
it in some kind of shelved compartment. Michiko thinks that putting it in a
nuclear shield will work and the rest of the crew agree, but it is dangerous
because it could affect the ship’s nuclear power plant. But they decide that
the idea that might work, but might get them automatically killed………is at least
worth a try.

Back
on Earth, they find out that Guilala has been destroying atomic energy power
plants which means he can revitalize himself with nuclear fuel so yeah, that
option of the H-Bomb went out the window.

Apparently,
Revitalizing Yourself To Guilala Means Turning Into A Giant Red Ball. Seems
Godzilla & The Rest Of The Monsters From Japan Have Themselves A Way To
Play A Good Game Of Dodgeball.

Of
course when the ball hits water, it turns back into Guilala.

Aw
Dang It…………The Monsters Just Lost Their Ball

Of
course, when all hope seems lost, they just so happen to be able to
re-establish contact with the rocket, but then the UFO decides to screw up
things even more.

The
crew then decides to attempt to get away from the UFO and this actually works.
The rocket heads back to Earth and not a moment too soon as Guilala is heading
in their direction. They then decide since Guilala wants the Nuclear Energy,
they will give it to him, but it will be replaced with Guilalalium. Guilala
shows up and uppercuts a signal tower into the rocket.

That
Is Freaking Awesome

While
getting ready, Michiko runs to them and says that Lisa is hurt. When they asked
how it happened, Michiko said that Lisa went back for some papers. I’m going to
be it was for the script, seeing how ditsy Lisa has been through this film.

Someone
Save Me….

Hahahahahahaha……No
One Will Save You This Time

But
luckily for her, Sano and Miyamoto (along with others) are there to save her.

Blast………..Foiled
Again, And Not Even By Dudley Do Right This Time

Capt.
Sano and Miyamoto then decide since Guilala is coming to the building that they
will lure him away with actual nuclear fuel. They load it up and Guilala gives
chase.

Guilala
grabs the cargo and throws out Sano, who despite being very high up, falls with
zero injuries. Actually Miyamoto is the one with the ankle sprain after jumping
out of the vehicle before it explodes. Back at the base, they are informing the
crew to be ready to give Guilala the Guilalalium via missiles from planes. The
planes attack and the Guilalalium works as no matter how many planes Guilala
takes down, the Guilalalium has more of an effect.

They
take what is left, which is that spore, and put in the sealed container.

They
then warn that Guilala cannot be destroyed and if the Guilalalium separates
from the spore again, the monster will return. So the crew decides to send it
back to outer space. A rocket launches off as Dr. Burman talks to Lisa. Burman
asks Lisa if she has told Sano how she feels about him, to which she tearfully
responds that Guilala taught her that the heart demands courage. Basically she
knows that Michiko also loves Sano more than her, and Lisa is going to let
Michiko have him. We then see Sano walking with Michiko and they talk about
Guilala being on an endless journey into space since this unmanned rocket was
sent outside of their solar system, which probably means the rocket will break
down from pressure of some kind before it even reaches the solar system. They
hold hands as our film ends with a shot a shot of the rocket.

Guilala
Is Probably Saying “I’ll Get You Next Time, Japan. Next Time!!!!!”

I
can’t tell you how well this film did because there is no record for how well
this film did that I could find. However, what I do know is this is a cult film
so much so that in 2008, a sequel was made by the Guilala Production Committee
and released by Shochiku called The Monster X Strikes Back: Attack The G8
Summit.

Unlike
the original though, this was shot as a complete comedy with political satire.
If you want my opinion of the sequel, I am embarrassed to say that I have not
seen it, but it is on top of my Netflix movie queue and when I do see it, I
will tell you if it is good or bad on my twitter page www.twitter.com/SethDrakin. I also know
that the actor who played Capt. Sano, actually is in this film, but sadly no
one else.

Oh
and let’s not forget that Guilala was in an American commercial for “The
Ladders”.

I
Remember Seeing That Commercial And Instantly Recognizing The Monster. Heck, Even
My Parents Who Barely Watched The Film Recognized Guilala.

The
most known actor at the time, Eiji Okada (who played Dr. Kato) did get a noteworthy film
credit for playing Chief Ozawa in the 1983 Japanese film Antarctica. But sadly,
Mr. Okada died in 1995 due to heart failure. As I had mentioned, Toshiya Wazaki
(who played Capt. Sano) appeared in the sequel to this film, but was also cast
in the first two Lone Wolf & Cub movies. Hiroshi Fujioka (who is credited
in this film) became a famous actor in Japan playing Takeshi Hongo, the
alter-ego of a famous Japanese TV superhero that a few people who read these
blogs might know.

Yes,
It’s Kamen Rider!!!!

He
was also the Sega Saturn’s “icon/mascot/spokesman”, which from what I have been
told was a huge hit in Japan. He also voiced acted as Ryo’s father in Shenmue.

My
overall thoughts about is movie is well, it is okay. There are so many bad
things like the terrible dubbing (the Japanese version is no better), the
jump cuts (I can’t believe someone edited this film and thought this was okay),
and the fact that the monster is made from space pollen. However while the
monster looks ridiculous, you just have to laugh and love it because it is so
goofy, yet instantly recognizable. The X From Outer Space is actually a film
that I recommend any fan of my site give a viewing to because just seeing the
monster alone is worth the damn experience of everything. So yeah…..while it is
not a good film on a technical level, I completely understand the cult appeal
to this film and as far as kaiju goes, Guilala will never be forgotten so if
that was what Shochiku hoped to accomplish, then they succeeded.

So
NegaSeth, while I am upset that the fans didn’t get to choose this film, this
wasn’t a painful watch. This torture of yours should be easy.

You Speak Too
Soon. The X From Outer Space Was The Easiest One.

What
do you mean?

The X From Outer
Space was a film I chose because it was to let you have a false sense of
security before I show you the torturous films. Heck, this next film is one
that you have gotten a few requests for, but your excuse was you have never
seen it. Well, now you are going to and since you are a fan of pro wrestling. I
give you……