(Dialling on my phone). Hello? Hi god, it me. Yeah, about that favour you owe me... yes, I know its petty, but do it anyway. (Hanging up). All done mistress, all time conforms to thy broken watch... er, just don't expect anything to change.

Butler, I lost my invisible needle... somewhere. Please find it. With your eyes closed. That will be all.

Sir, Mr. Cochran refused to do it for free. So, I killed him. Then, I reanimated him using classified military technology that I stole while disguised as you. Now, the zombified Johnny Cochran is willing to do your case pro bono. By which he means, he'll do it for you if you give him human bones to gnaw on.

Butler, I have grown tired of the dust in my house. I want you to murder it.

Ma'am, as you may know, dust is 90% dead skin so murdering the dust will just prolong the problem. I took the initiative to go to the source of such an outcry and fix it thus. I've hired a professional assassin to kill you at some point in the next twenty-four hours; you'll finally be rid of that pesky dust. You may thank me at your earliest convenience, ma'am.

Well, Sir, it just so happens that I am a recombinant DNA chemo-geneticist, and all I had to do was reverse the E3h chromosome with the PP4-25 marker, so as to turn the selected cow's secretion of endocrine hormone 23T into chocolate syrup...voila, she now lactates chocolate milk. You're welcome.

Butler, I seem to have misplaced my last uranium-235 space modulator. I need to destroy the Earth(it's blocking my view of Saturn), and since Marvin the Martian is the only known being to possess them, and he's a cartoon character...well, you see the quandary. Your problem, though.

Good news, sir! I found a way to open a, well let's call it a "portal," into alternate realities. It just so happens that in one of those realities, the Looney Toons characters are real. I hired Bugs Bunny and Taz, and they managed to - through a series of odd pranks and situations - get you the space modulator. All you need to do is step into this strange, glowing hole in the wall - the "portal" - and collect it.

Butler... I want to assassinate the assassin hired to assassinate me. You know what to do.