Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Grey Stoicism: It is not what happens that hurts it is how you react.

"True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.:" This is going to be a first in a series of journals covering the beginning of a practical effort on my part to reshape and recondition my mindset and philosophy on life. Mindset has been a key been factor in my writings ever since the first article i published to this little corner of the Internet. Quite simply it has always been my philosophy that your mind is the ultimate weapon I have simply failed in recent years to treat my mind like a weapon and treat life like the ultimate battle. Stoicism is a gravely misunderstood philosophy, It is often summarized as "be emotionless because emotions are evil" but I do not really believe this is an accurate summary of the philosophy. For starters mental health treatment in 2017 should always be an option for people there is no shame in seeking professional help. The philosophy asserts that it is our perception of things rather then the things themselves that affect our lives and impact us. It is not what happens it is how you react to it that hurts you.I write a lot about combat sports, conflict, war and violence and one thing that is key in any conflict is that the better mentally conditioned opponent, The fighter who is more knowledgeable in himself and his foe will ultimately be the victor. Now to say these things is simple and easy, everyone has given you advice before about being more mindful of your flaws or advice on how to think differently. But with this we are going to be tackling this head on through operant conditioning. This is my attempt to bring back the old me.

Now why this sudden extreme change and approach to my life? I last posted to this website in December of 2014 about how the year 2015 was going to be the year that I recommit myself to my passions, However early into the year things would change drastically.

In March/April of 2015 I suffered a significant series of troubling events that pushed me towards things to cope that I never imagined would be a part of my life, Things that I denied from my life as they were in my eyes counter productive to living a Martial Life. From alcohol consumption and drug use, thoughts of self harm and suicide. This was the hardest time of my life and included the loss of a relationship which I expected to last for the rest of my life, I witnessed a suicide and began suffering with my own suicidal thoughts.

The kicker? These problems are still happening today in August of 2017 and I am still allowing them to interfere with my life. And I realized after looking back on my old writings how far I had fallen from grace and that I was not the man I was when I started this program, Now change and growth are natural however when I look at the Grey from the beginning of this project to the Grey of today. I am simply inferior.

To some self deprecation is seen as a negative but I am not above telling somebody they are a piece of shit so I most certainly should be willing to say that to myself when merited.