Bieber brought his “Believe” tour back to Staples on Monday night for the first of two sold-out shows – a previous leg of the trek stopped in L.A. last October – and for anyone with a self-earned degree in people watching, the spectacle in the audience is just as satisfying as what’s unfolding onstage.

Here are the craziest sightings from Bieber’s gig at Staples Center – as they happened.

1. The worker that didn’t grasp the irony of having to hold a promotional banner for Selena Gomez’s Staples Center gig outside of the venue -- even as a group of snickering teenage girls walked by and snapped photos.

2. The group of elementary school girls with pigtails, miniskirts and a whole lot of sass who arrived at the venue in a ridiculously sleek stretch limo.

3. The two girls waiting to get into the arena with matching T-shirts that had “Call a doctor cause I’ve got Bieber fever” scribbled in bubble paint.

4. My best friend thinking, “There’s probably no alcohol at this thing, right?” (There was, and it was the quickest booze service I’d ever gotten at Staples).

5. The sisters whose mom shelled out $50 for the Bieber jerseys with “Swaggy” printed across the chest. Wonder if they spotted the more adorable $100 varsity jackets?

6. The creepy dad who tried his hardest not to check out the numerous scantily clad twentysomethings that strolled through the aisle. Apparently side-butt really is the new sideboob.

8. Being upset that the mental quota of glitter tops and other miscellaneous sparkly clothing went unfilled.

9. The ear-splitting countdown to Bieber’s arrival to the tune of Michael Jackson's “Thriller.”

10. Bieber’s entrance. Imagine fireworks exploding over your head as Bieber descended upon the stage on angel wings crafted out of instruments and a tween girl stepping on you for a better vantage point.

11. The very legal fan who swooned and sobbed uncontrollably during Bieber’s opening tune.

12. Realizing you’re obsessed with “Somebody to Love” and disappointed that Usher didn’t pop up for the remix.

13. The poor security guards that broke a sweat restraining unruly teenage girls at the front of the stage.

14. The video interlude that served as a reminder of what’s changed for Bieber: new haircut, “Believe” going platinum, questions of his transition into manhood – but none of the crazier, much more fun headlines from the past year (breakups, pot usage, reckless driving, etc.).

15. The teenage girl who did an entire cheer routine to “Beauty and a Beat” in the aisle next to the stage as her friend filmed it and creepy dad from No. 6 smiled and nodded in approval. Highly likely that footage is currently collecting likes and comments on Instagram.

16. The middle aged guy who spent most of the show professing his admiration for Bieber, and at one point screamed “Oh my god, I love him” as he clutched his heart with one hand and his beer in the other.

17. The girls in matching white blazers that had “Girlfriend” written in sequins on the back. Underneath they wore nothing more than pink glittery bras.