Detroit vs. EverybodyClowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right....

February 22nd, 2010, 4:10 pm

m2karateman

RIP Killer

Joined: October 20th, 2004, 4:16 pmPosts: 10408Location: Where ever I'm at now

Thought for the Day.

Subject: Post turtle

While suturing up a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand had been caught in the gate while working his cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Obama, and his being our president.
The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Obama is just a Post Turtle."

Now ...not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked, What's a "Post Turtle?"

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. ....."You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he sure as heck ain't goin' anywhere, and you just wonder what kind of dumb badonkadonk put him up there in the first place."

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning...

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kHz.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

President BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York .

He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how he had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.

Although President Obama was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping his “red sisters and brothers.”

At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented Obama with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, “Walking Eagle.” The proud President then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name they had given to the President.

They explained that “Walking Eagle” is the name given to a bird so full of sh1t it can no longer fly.

_________________Acts 4:13, 1 Cor. 2:1-5, Rom. 12:1-2

Last edited by WarEr4Christ on March 9th, 2010, 3:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Suggested Obama 2012 SlogansFiled Under Politics | Comments (7)According to Politico, the White House is already plotting out their re-election campaign in 2012.Every good campaign starts with an effective and descriptive slogan, so here are a few early suggestions for Obama — feel free to add your own:–”It’s the stupid, economy!”–”On your Marx, get set, go!”–”Is government better off than you were four years ago?”–”If they could see us Mao!”–”Making Jimmy Carter look good since 2009″–”Ramen noodles in every pot and a czar in every garage”–”I’m not drunk, just Democrat — Obama ‘12″–”It’s not socialism; It’s the free market owned and operated by the government!”–”Give Chris Matthews the tingle back!”–”There’s a bear in the woods; isn’t it important to understand the bear’s perspective?”–”Did I mention that Biden’s not on the ticket this time?”–”Obama ‘12: Too over-hyped to fail”–”Spare change we can believe in”–”Because my wife can’t help your lard-butt kids lose weight from Chi-town, Sparky”–”Don’t start thinking about tomorrow”–”It’s mourning in America”–”Obama ‘12: Because he needs 4 more years… to find a church”-"We don't need a saviour, we have Obama"-"It's still Bush's fault"

Very important information has just been made public that I think is something you should all be aware of: Gonorrhea Lectim. The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'im." The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many victims contracted it in 2008, but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.

It's very sad because it is so easily cured with a new procedure just coming on the market called Vo-tem-out! You take the first dose/step in 2010 and the second dosage in 2012, and simply don't engage in such behavior again, otherwise it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.

Several states are already on top of this like Virginia, New Jersey, and now Massachusetts, with many more seeing the writing on the wall.

_________________Acts 4:13, 1 Cor. 2:1-5, Rom. 12:1-2

March 14th, 2010, 7:13 pm

m2karateman

RIP Killer

Joined: October 20th, 2004, 4:16 pmPosts: 10408Location: Where ever I'm at now

THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

This one is a little different....Two Different
Versions....................Two Different Morals
____________________________________

OLD VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away..

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

____________________________________

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with
a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody
cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Acorn stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the
news stations film the group singing,'We shall overcome.' Rev. Jeremiah
Wright then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's
sake.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush,
President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's
plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King
that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both
call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green
bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home
is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the
grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends
finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government
house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house,
crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the
house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the
ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with
it.