Thursday, November 03, 2005

I'm a shitty girlfriend!

I've figured out something that probably has a lot to do with everything. I am shitty girlfriend. I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm bitchy, maybe I'm not funny or spontaneous enough. But whatever the reason, I know what I know, and I know I suck in relationships. I was foolish to think that in college things would be different. That guys would be better and people would be nicer and it would be so much easier to get along and form relationships because we are all "adults" now. Wrong. I'm not a college student, just a high school kid who has moved on. The thing is, I knew it would be like this, I was just too stubborn and too dillusional to think that what someone told me would be any different from the shallow meaningless blather I had sworn to avoid. Yes kids, I got played. I guess I am a shitty girlfriend because I am not ok with my significant other going to various parties and having sex with girls who he won't remember the names of in the morning and getting a disease and having to go to the campus clinic and take medication. I try not to be clingy. But I'm really not all for my boyfriend joining a frat and getting shitfaced every night. Sorry. I don't know why I am so bothered by this. It's really not a big deal and it's happened plenty a time. I just don't think I'll ever have a boyfriend. What guy would say, "Ok, I'm not going to look at anyone else except you." None. And I'm not trying to be some feminist bra burning gender equality activist. I'm just speaking the mother fucking truth. Girls have been told this eternal lie that some day her prince will come and they will ride off in the sunset and live forever without any problems or divorces or cheating or lying or a need to be free or anything. No. As much as I'd like to think this, it just isn't going to happen.