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Welcome to Movie Night! Where we choose a movie based on any number of variables and feelings, create a themed menu to match, then spend the night eating these foods and watching these movies! It’s an uncomplicated but promising plan.

Attending this last-minute screening in Sydney were a handful of participants ranging from hardcore D.E.B.S. fans to reluctant/involuntary viewers, including my girlfriend, my flatmate, and Autostraddle readers Dina & Desiree.

THE MOVIE

D.E.B.S.

“Recruited by the U.S. government for their unique ability to lie, cheat and fight, Amy, Max, Janet and Dominique join an underground academy of secret agents known only as D.E.B.S. These crime fighting hotties set out to save the world and keep their lipstick perfectly applied while doing so. Now the girls must combine their skills for their most important mission- to capture vexing vixen Lucy Diamond, the deadliest criminal the world has ever known. When D.E.B.S. star player, Amy, falls for Lucy, chaos erupts and the D.E.B.S. loyalty is put to the test.”

I typically steer clear of movies that have “crime-fighting hotties” in Catholic schoolgirl uniforms gracing the front cover, however my adoration for Jordana Brewster (Lucy) compelled me to make an exception. And I’m glad, ’cause D.E.B.S. is now my all-time favorite piece of queer cinema.

Dina: Aren’t they supposed to be in college? Why are they wearing schoolgirl uniforms?Kate: Um, because it’s hot.

“This is not the Girl Scouts, this is espionage!”
– Mrs. Petrie

Everything about this movie is totally f*cking ridiculous, but that’s apparently how I like it. D.E.B.S. taught me many things about myself, including the fact that I’m never not in the mood to watch a smokin’ hot lesbian criminal mastermind break through a plaid-patterned force field to the tune of The Cure’s “Love Cats” in order to kidnap a straight super spy and whisk her away to an underground industrial nightclub so they can drink beer and subconsciously bite their bottom lips. To me that’s quality entertainment.

“Are you kidding me? We conduct a nationwide manhunt for you and you’re boning the suspect? Did you think this was a joke? “Let’s divert federal resources and man hours so I can have my collegiate lesbian fling in style.” – Mrs Petrie

D.E.B.S. is written & directed by Angela Robinson, who has given us many good things such as the few bearable episodes of The L Word. The relatively PG-13 love affair between Amy and Lucy is super adorbs and all, but what makes this movie extra irresistible is the dialogue and scenes featuring Dominique, Janet, Scud, Mrs Petrie, and Ninotchka the assassin. If I could be any character in this film I’d wanna be one of the boys that Dominique kicks out of bed. You?

Preheat your oven to 200 Celsius or 392 Fahrenheit. Put the ricotta, mozzarella and parmesan into a mixing bowl with half the egg. Mash it up while adding generous amounts of salt and pepper. If you want to kid yourself / others into believing that these are not 100% bad for you, throw in a few cups of spinach.
Cut the pastry sheets into 4x squares and add a heaped teaspoon of cheese filling and then fold in the sides, forming a diamond shape. Make sure there are no holes or shit will get leaky. Place onto a baking tray and brush with remaining egg, then bake for 20 – 25 minutes. Freeze any that you don’t bake.

Kate: “You know who could do with three kinds of cheese? Jordana Brewster.”

Chargrilled Tofu Burgers

Food only features once this film, and in that scene Amy orders tofu. Truly inspired foreshadowing right there.

Marinate the tofu slices in the soy sauce, sweet chili and ginger. Stow in the fridge for at least an hour. Heat oil in a grill / bbq / frypan and throw on the onion rings until they’re brown. Take them out and cover with foil, then repeat the process using the capsicum. Lastly, cook the tofu slices for 2-3 minutes each side.

Toast both sides of the bread using your preferred method of toasting bread. Or leave it fresh! I totally left it fresh because I ran out of time. Spread the baba ganoush on both sides of the bread slices, then throw on the tofu, capsicum, onion and rocket. Serve with the sweet potato fries.

+

Janet: Everybody’s talking about it.

Amy: About what?

Janet: How you met Lucy and lived to tell about it. They’re calling you a hero, when really you’re a slut.

Sweet Potato Fries

Preheat the oven to 230 Celsius or 450 Fahrenheit. Decide how you feel about sweet potato skin and then peel or don’t peel the potatoes accordingly.

Cut the potato into ¾ inch strips and lay them out on a steel baking tray. Apply generous sprinkles of salt and pepper and then drizzle with olive oil. Warning: too much oil will cause them to go soggy. So will over-crowding the tray. I know this because it happened.

Bake the fries in the oven for 15 minutes. Turn them over. Bake for another 10 minutes. Eat.

Max: Who’s your best friend?Amy: You are my best friend.Max: And what did I say to you the very first day at the Academy?Amy: “That’s my bunk, bitch.”Max: After that.

Tiramisu

I don’t like tiramisu, but it’s on tonight’s menu regardless because tiramisu allegedly means ‘pick me up’ in Italian, and I’m not one to let my palate stand in the way of something being funny. Consider this a tribute to the way that Lucy picked up Amy during the bank robbery, that was a hot scene. You know what wasn’t hot? The tiramisu, it was kinda spongey and wet. Everyone seemed to be really into that though. Lesbians.

Pour the coffee and marsala into a shallow dish. Set aside. Beat the egg yolks and sugar in a large bowl until they’re pale and thick. Add the mascarpone and whipped cream, and mix in until just combined. Beat the egg whites until soft peaks form and gently fold them into the mascarpone mixture.

Quickly dip each salvoiardi into the coffee & alcohol dish and start laying them on the base of a 19cm square dish, covering the whole surface. Then cover the biscuit layer with one-third of the mascarpone mixture. Repeat two times, finishing with a layer of mascarpone mix on top. This is a cold/unbaked dessert, so all you need to do is cover it with plastic wrap and stick it in the fridge for 2-3 hours. Then dust it with cocoa and serve!

At the end of the night we watched D.E.B.S. the original short film. It was awful, I still can’t talk about it.

DEBS. God, I watched DEBS when I was 13 with this girl Clara who I was secretly head-over-heels in love with. We were in her bed having a sleepover and cuddling and it was an intense and tragic moment in my baby-dyke life.

Good movie. Not in terms of quality but in terms of hot girls and espionage. And lesbians!!!

I will totally try that recipe for a tofu burger because I tried to make meatless meatballs a few days ago and it smelled/tasted like cat food. I’ve since decided to stick with tofu for meat substitute and beans in everything else.
Also DEBS looks hilaribad and I really want to watch it now.
Also sweet potato fries are possibly my favorite food group.

Viva l-pastizzi. Nice of you to make this Maltese snack with a twist (the original does not have mozarella or parmesan, just a ricotta and egg mixture). I made them once using my grandma’s recipe. Great job Crystal. It’s really wonderful to see someone who loved this island and its food. 😀

this is the best movie night of all movie nights. d.e.b.s. is everything i want in a movie: lesbians, spies, and campiness and i’m pretty certain i’m be more than satisfied if this were my last meal ever.

It’s a stupid movie, but it’ll make you feel good. And you’ll probably watch it again, knowing it’s ridiculous and not caring.

That meal looks fabulous. I need to be up early for a long day of first work and then a day trip with friends, so it’s a staying-in movie night for me too. Ordered Thai, maybe I’ll see D.E.B.S. for a third time. 🙂

Yeah, that is definitely my favorite part too. My compulsion to sing along is not helped by the fact that The Innocents (the album with A Little Respect) was my all time favorite cd ever when I was 14. I seriously listened to it everyday, and knew every word to every song. It’s pretty gay. That should’ve been a sign.

I think it just means you’re underexposed, which is easy and fun to fix. Also: the limited amount of lesbian media means that you don’t want to splurge and see it all at once or you’ll have nothing to look forward to. At least that’s what I tell myself. D.E.B.S is definitely going on my too watch list though.

I watched this (about 13 times) right after realizing I was gay/starting to come out and it not only made being gay okay, it made it AWESOME. If gay girls can be hot super spies or hot super criminals who might get upset and destroy Australia, we can do ANYTHING.

I know asking this question is basically lesbian blasphemy, but seriously: what the hell is tofu? Is it an American thing? Because I live in England and I’ve never seen the stuff, but it seems to be one of the symptoms of American lesbianism, like going to Dinah Shore or breaking out in cats.

Tofu is a soybean product… Mainly ate by vegetarians, although I am a vegetarian and will not touch the stuff. Its an ingredient in veggie burgers and veggie hot dogs and also this weird delicacy known only as “tofurkey”… Can also be bought in blocks and grilled with stir-fries or scrambled eggs or whatever. Not a fan myself but lots of people are. 🙂

I recently went back and watched D.E.B.S a couple of months ago and found that I didn’t like it as much as my baby-gay self did. I think what made me love it the first time around was that I was hypnotized by Amy & Lucy making out. Or that it was the first gay thing I ever saw. This movie is the most craptastic thing ever.

The Dvd commentary ruined the movie for me. The leading actresses were swooning over the hunk and almost embarrassed at the lesbian scenes e.g. what will my mother think when she sees this, how could we do this blabla.

I must be the Grinch, because I really didn’t like D.E.B.S. Don’t like schoolgirls, don’t like spies, etc. My girlfriend sat me down with the intention of converting me, and it really, really didn’t work. She ended up getting mad and turning it off because I was ruining it for her, which I do legitimately feel bad about.

Isn’t the director the one who’s doing the Girltrash movie? I remember somebody on the DEBS production being involved. If I like the GT movie, I’ll give DEBS another shot. It’s still a sore spot for my girl, though. Sorry 🙁

Love this movie. Rented it a while ago and had no idea it even had a main queer storyline. I just saw it because Jordana Brewster and Suki (not her real name) were in it from Fast & Furious. And there was once a time when I supported Meagan Good’s career.

Also. Amy is so nice in this movie. It wasn’t until a friend pointed it out that I realized she’s Naomi’s evil bitch sister from 90210.

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