You can do everything right at work and manage yourself well there, but if your personal life is a mess, it will eventually turn everything else sour. What would it profit a leader to climb to the top of the organizational chart but lose a marriage or alienate the children? As someone who spent many years counseling people, I can tell you, no career success is worth it.

For years one of my definitions of success has been this: having those closest to me love and respect me the most. That is what is most important. I want the love and respect of my future wife, my children, and my grandchildren before I want the respect of anyone I work with. Don’t get me wrong. I want the people who work with me to respect me too, but not at the expense of my family. If I blow managing my self at home, then the negative impact will spill over into every area of my life, including work.

If you want to lead up, you must always lead yourself first. If you can’t, you have no credibility. I’ve found the following to be true:

* If I can’t lead myself, others won’t follow me.
* If I can’t lead myself, others won’t respect me.
* If I can’t lead myself, others won’t partner with me.

That applies whether the influence you desire to exert is on the people above you, beside you, or below you. The better you are at making sure you’re doing what you should be doing, the better chance you have for making an impact on others.

How well are you leading yourself?

Positive thinking is the most recommended

Positive thinking is not an easy thing to get like a raindrop from the sky. It is believed that it needs effort and skills to be able to achieve it. By start thinking positive you will place you self in a position that will allow you not only to manage your life better but it will also help you to raise your self-esteem and self-confidence.

What we think will affect to our behaviors actually our emotions, and our moods. So it is recommended to avail yourself with a positive space of thinking.

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Have you ever noticed that yourself lack of somethings, do something not right, admit that you are a good student or hate yourself because of doing some mistakes? I do usually feel this way of thought too. Just spending some hours through the internet, I can get through to some ideas regarding to these above problems. It is called “Self-esteem” which means you, yourself, is important or unimportant as well as respectful or not being respectful.

Low self-esteem

Self-esteem is important in some ways but it can cause you in some reasons if it is lower than its normal. You may feel not good whenever you act any action. Let see below about what are the causes.

Self-hate: is characterised by feelings of anger and frustration about who you are and an inability to forgive yourself for even the smallest of mistakes. For example, I personally took an English exam for applying a scholarship. Whenever I took the efficiency exam, I never got a high score to reach the requirement. I feel hatred to myself. Why does my knowledge and capability is too slow and low like that?

Some people may talk out that Perfectionism make them more challenge and push them to

Wanna be very perfect?

be more competitive and try something new. It would be right or wrong; however, to me I thought that perfectionist is someone who lives with a constant sense of failure because their achievements, no matter how impressive, don’t ever feel quite good enough. I would say the drive to be perfect is one of the more destructive aspects of low self-esteem. What do you think? Maybe sometimes it is right or sometimes not!

Comparing yourself especially about your body or appearance to other people can lead to have an esteem to self-thought that you are not handsome or beautiful as people around you. This can lead to have a low self-esteem too.

Although I have mentioned a lot about bad effects and causes of having self-esteem lower above, I would say that possessing a high one is not that bad too. It can give you a nice and strong courage in doing something new. It lets you respect yourself, even when you make mistakes.

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Before we come up into the right real situation, lemme share you with a good story I got from yahoo question and answer site as in the following:
A student asked his teacher, “What is love?”

The teacher said, “to get an answer to your question, go to the wheat field, get the biggest wheat grain, and come back, but the rule is – you can go through the field only once and cannot turn back to pick.”

The student went to the field, gone through the first row, and saw one big wheat grain. But he wondered….may be there is a bigger one elsewhere. Then he saw a bigger one. But may be there is a still bigger one waiting…. Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he realized that the wheat grains there are not as big as the previous one. He realized that he has missed the biggest one.

So, he ended up the search and went back empty hand. The teacher told him, “That is love! If you keep looking for a better one, you could have missed the right person!”

“Then, what is marriage?” the student asked.

A lot but hard to select

The teacher said, “to get an answer to your question, go to the same wheat field again, and get the biggest corn. Same rule as before!”

The student went to the corn field. This time he is very careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he picked one good sized corn. He felt satisfied, and came back.

The teacher told him, “You have looked for one that is just good for you, instead of coming back empty handed. That is marriage!”

“What is Friendship then?” the student asked.

The teacher said, “in order to answer that question, go to the same field and choose the wheat that appears nice to you. The rule is the same.”

The student went to the field. This time he is very careful. As he started scanning the field, he has picked many grains that suited his taste and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, “You looked for one that is just nice for you, and did not look for the best. That is Friendship”.

I think all the answers which the teacher shared to students are hitting the points you want to know already, but our main point is that we know what is Love already but why we still come up with question why it is very easy to make it but so hard to keep it for last long?

Agreed to word says people’s emotion is not stayed-still and also changed! People always compare their partner with other people as in the story the student did not pick the first grain because one thought that there would be another bigger and better than the first or second one. One changed and came back with nothing. In reality is also not totally different. If you think you have many choices and always try new and new things, you one day will face up to such case.

The truth is you can’t stay in love with the wrong person no matter what you do. And you can’t stay in a relationship when you aren’t ready to be in one.

Are you ready?

I know it is hardly to talk about love and relationship, but my suggestion is that if you are not ready, please don’t make it because it will affect badly to your everything around you; however, if you are done and well prepared, go for it! Make sure your love one is the right one for you and please avoid comparing with other people mates!!!

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Sound so stupid to ask a question “do you think I am mature enough to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”!

Love or Single?

Ask yourself first dear!!! Are you ready? Do you want to have a relationship? Did you find your Mr./ Ms. Right yet?

I just would like to share you some points that can help you check yourself out that you are ready enough to have a relationship. It likes a quiz but it is very useful to me already. Personally, I have tried some times and find out that I am not yet really ready to have it. Please follow this link below, it seems to be a fun application game but it is a basic one.

I also have some tips to help you reference that you are OK for dating.

1. Age: it is one among other important factors that can really affect your life. For example, if you are young and studying, it is not recommend to start relationship so early. Sure you will get a sweet and nice relationship at the first time but it will also bring your grades down and mess up the balance in your life without you even knowing it. So why the rush?

No Money No Homey is true?

2. Financial stability: hey you remember the word “No Money, No Honey!”? I agreed with this word! Logically, do you think you are mature and can live peacefully with your partner by spending and depending on your parents’ money? I don’t think so lah. If you are not yet having and independent income and want to go for dating and start relationship, come on! It is impossible my dudes!

3. Time is also the case. No time, don’t start relationship or you will lose your good partner.

There are many other ways to identify the time when should you start and ready for relationship; however, please ask yourself that are you ready for it yet in terms of age, finance, and time…

Just the way you are!!!

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Different people, Different mindsets!!! Totally agreed… Some people may do not know what is the type of their mindset is, me too. I just read a book called “You can fly” by Ismail Gafoor, I can note that there are simply 2 big kinds of mindset people are possessing now-Sarcastic and Abundant Mindset; which make people think differently on what they see and understand.

So now let’s go to find out yours; which between these 2 mindsets is yours! First let’s take a look at Sarcastic mindset-a bit pessimistic thought that an opportunity is so rare to happen because society around is too monopolized, so let’s immediately grab a chance. For example, people possessing sarcastic mindset always think that they have only one life, so don’t let it pass easily and fast.

Next is talking about Abundant mindset. It is about the optimistic mindset which lets people think that there are many chances in the world and they

Wait for next chance???

surely can grab those chance whenever they want. Like people waiting a bus, if they cannot catch a bus this time, sure they can get the next bus. Here is what such abundant mindset people they think of themselves.

There we go! See the differences? I can say that there is right or wrong mindset selected or mentioned; it is about the situation and context that people possessing those mindset in. Sometimes, if a real society is so sarcastic in opportunity, then I agreed that Sarcastic one is the best; however, if we are living i a freedom and full of opportunities, how come you limit and pressure yourself to hold that pessimistic thought dudes!!!

Can you now find out which one you possessing yet? I have a tip how you can identify it. Just simple simple strategy… Pay me a coffee then I will tell 😀

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“The right career is the career that you are happy with, or the career that you make yourself happy with.”

Career is probably the most important part of your life. It is the mechanism that supports you and your family for the rest of your life. Making a decision about career has to be well-informed.

How to prepare for your career?

Many Cambodian students currently cannot find right career after they graduated from university. This might be because they do not possess sufficient skills or experience that prepare them for future career. The article explains what skills you need for your career and how to gain those skills.

1. What skills do you need for your career?

Skills can be classified into two types: content skills and soft skills. From most students’ perspectives, content skills, which are what you learn from class, are the most important thing. They believe good scores are the most important factor to get a good career. However, soft skills, skills that you learn outside class, are still as important.

1.1. Content skills: are skills you can gain from your academic life in school or university.

For example, if you choose to study International Studies, your content skills are achieved through learning different subjects such as Political Science, ASEAN Studies or Regional Studies. Content skills are important but remember that many people end up having a job that is not related to their major. So you need to have other skills as well.

Soft skills: skills you can gain from your real work or practice as a result of social interaction with other people such as volunteering, doing an internship, and attending workshops. They are called soft skills because they can be applied in a lot of situations, not just workplace but also social situations. There are a lot of soft skills, and different employers look for different soft skills. However, commonly the most sought-after soft skills are Critical Thinking, Problem Solving, Leadership, Team Work, and Commitment

Critical Thinking: This is the ability to pinpoint good points and bad points of a certain issue. In a company, an employer wants a person who is able to tell them what might be wrong and how to make a project better instead of a YES person, who always says yes all the time. If you are given a project to do, you will be considered to be critical if you can tell what shortcomings are and how to compensate them. This cuts down the risk of failure.

Problem solving: If you can solve problems by yourself when running into problems, it will save a lot of your manager’s time. You need to have a right mentality for this. Every time you run into trouble, it is important to ask yourself first, not to look for your manager first. Just ask yourself “What would you do if you were the manager?”

Leadership: Again, to achieve a bigger task, you need to know how to use people and how to assign them tasks to do. It is about what you

Team

want and how to get people to help you get what you want.

Team work: It is the ability to work cooperatively with different people from different backgrounds. Sometime you might be smart but you can’t work with others. Your being smart will lead you to nowhere because you are an obstruction, not a contribution to the team. Good team members ask themselves

Work

How should I react to bring the best result for my team? NOT how should I react if I hate this person? NOT what should I do if I want to advance my own interest? Good team members are result-oriented, not people-oriented. If you are people-oriented, you will find it hard to do things against the persons you like although you know that you might have a better idea. Equally, you will find it difficult to support the person you hate although his/her idea is right.

Commitment:Committed people bring result to a company because they keep going despite difficulties. Smart people sometimes do not produce results because they are quick to quit when facing problems. Committed people also produce a good culture in an organization; they inspire people to work hard and overcome short-term difficulties. If you lack commitment, ask yourself “If NOT me, who? If NOT now, when?”

2. How can you gain your desired skills?

Content skills are more or less easier to achieve than soft skills because they are taught at school while soft skills have to be picked up a long way of life. Having said that, you can gain these skills through the following ways:

Reflection: If you are aware of what you lack and what you want, you will find the opportunity to do so. If you simply put a question in your head, sooner or later you will find an answer. If you want to be a good team work, then every time you work with others you can ask What has gone wrong today? What has gone right? What could be done differently to make things better? By the end am I am happy with what I am doing? Why or Why not?

Mentoring: Find people who are interested in listening to you and who are interested in telling you stories and personal experience. These are people that can become your mentors. If you keep good relationship with them, you will benefit from their words. They can help you evaluate yourself, give you guidance, and find your passion. Try discussing different topics with mentors.

Volunteering: People are more open when volunteering and more tolerant towards mistakes. So you need to look for a volunteer job that you like and explore it. Don’t stick to one skill. If you used to work for a marketing team, you should next time try administration. It will give you a different perspective. The most important of all is to grab (if possible create) an opportunity to work with the person that you like and admire. You will be sure to learn a lot.

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“Win-Lose, Lose-Win, Lose-Lose, and Win-Win” which one you always use in your negotiation? your conflict solving in both work and family? Before you answer it, let me define it for you first.

Win-Lose/Lose Win: known as distributive bargaining. It’s based on an attempt to divide up an amount of resources, resulting in a win-lose situation. When choosing this strategy, one takes on an adversarial or competitive view.The focus is on achieving immediate goals, with little or no regard for building future relationships.

Win-Win: outcomes occur when each side of a dispute feels they have won. Since both sides benefit from such a scenario, any resolutions to the conflict are likely to be accepted voluntarily. The process of integrative bargainingaims to achieve, through cooperation, win-win outcomes.

Lose-Lose: means that all parties end up being worse off. An example of this would be a budget-cutting negotiation in which all parties lose money. In some lose-lose situations, all parties understand that losses are unavoidable and that they will be evenly distributed. In such situations, lose-lose outcomes can be preferable to win-lose outcomes because the distribution is at least considered to be fair (Encyclopedia of Conflict Resolution).

By seeing above definition, I think you can identify which one you always use in your problem solving skill and also understand well what are the result of each strategy.

Sometimes, you may think Win-Win is the best but make sure that you understand your context clearly before you judge which strategy is suitable in what situation or context.

Remember! All strategies are beneficial for us if you can get the right situation.