Some Things to Do if You or Your Child is Experiencing Helplessness

Helplessness
is a state of mind; not a reality. There are always people available to
help us. Not everyone, however, is helpful because they may lack experience
with our particular situation to know what can help. We need to see as
many people as necessary until we find that one person or persons who
really connects with us and can provide that help.

Reaching
out for help, especially following a trauma, is not easy. A trauma is
so terrifying that your instincts want to avoid any
memory of it. Avoidance,
however, usually allows that experience to take control of our lives,
our behavior and our emotional state. When this happens the helplessness
turns
to hopelessness. The hopelessness leads to depression which we all
know is quite serious and difficult to overcome. Our problem is now compounded.
Even if depression is relieved through medication and counseling it
still
leaves us with the original stressor - the trauma and the hopelessness
it induces.

Sometimes while asking
for help we suffer additional trauma from others who minimize our reactions
or discount our reactions with statements like, it could have been
a lot worse, or get over it (see secondary
wounding). Trauma specialists do, however, know what a trauma can
do to otherwise normal, stable people. Helplessness is a very normal reaction
but one we don’t want you to experience more than what is normal.
Let’s talk about ways to help.

How
to Relieve Helplessness

Acknowledge that
helplessness is a normal reaction to trauma simply because we are faced
with something we never anticipated and could never be fully prepared
to manage.

Acknowledge that
helplessness is often caused by a lack of information and knowledge
about what trauma is, and what is normal
following a trauma.

Acknowledge that
it may take several tries to find the answers that work best for your
specific situation.

Identify who or
what causes you to feel the most helpless. List these.

Identify an action
plan beginning with the easiest things you can do to feel not as helpless.
Initiate
these actions immediately.

Identify ways to
be good to yourself, especially the little ways such as giving yourself
ten or fifteen minutes
in the morning by yourself
to quietly sip coffee and read the paper undisturbed, or take a short walk,
or prepare your
favorite breakfast. Initiate these activities at least twice
a week.

Establish a routine
and follow it consistently. This affords you a sense of safety and
well being until you get your bearings back.

Do not be forced
into making any major decisions you do not want to make. When feeling
helpless
your view of life is distorted, your decisions may be distorted also.
If it is impossible to avoid major decisions, talk with your most trusted
friends,
ask them for feedback on your situation before you make
a final decision.

Read all you can
about survivors; those who have been exposed to severe trauma and have
overcome it. We recommend reading Brave
Bart to young children who have been traumatized.

A study exploring the impact of early parental death has revealed the long-term damage and suffering that can be experienced by individuals in adult life if appropriate levels of support are not provided at the time of bereavement.

Your gift to Starr Commonwealth will help vulnerable families transform their lives. Every dollar goes directly to helping children, adults, families and communities thrive through proven, strength-based programs. Giving is secure and easy and will bring help and hope to children and their families.