Good tidings everyone and welcome, once again, to this quickly/drunkenly-typed post of one handsome man’s observations of Sunday Night Football. It’s been a few weeks, since I already skipped one post assignment… (Which I probably shouldn’t have, since the football gods gave me this ridiculous match-up to cover instead of the NFC West showdown last week. Which actually wasn’t much of a showdown when you think about it, so I guess there’s that.) So yeah, Chicago and Pittsburgh… Ugh. Can I just write about Breaking Bad instead Sky? Please? Sigh… So, how did I make a game like this watchable? That’s right folks, the answer lies in a newly created section for this series. (To go along with my score and a quick summary of the game, DRUNKEN BULLET POINTS,world famous Razzball player blurb thing-a-ma-jigs, and a wonderful concluding thought.) And what’s that new section? Follow me after the jump and find out…

the drinking game I played

I took one sip of beer…

…everytime Roethlisberger should have just thrown the ball.

…whenever Jay Cutler made that stupid face. You know that face. All of them.

…everytime I got really confused why they kept showing this old white guy on the sidelines, then remembering Lovie Smith wasn’t the coach anymore.

That last one was the nail in the coffin.

score and a quick summary of the game

CHI – 40, PIT – 23

The Bears tried so hard to give this away for most of the game. Instead, they are now considered the worst 3-0 team, in my humble opinion. I look forward to their late season fade. Oh, wait. The Dolphins take exception to that remark. And wow, the Steelers are not a good football team. Are both the Giants and the Steelers going for the #1 pick? Someone should tell them that Jacksonville has that on lock-down mode. Anyhow, there’s really nothing else to add in the summation. Let’s all thank the NFL for giving us two consecutive weeks of Steelers primetime games I guess. Apparently the lolRams were unavailable.

DRUNKEN BULLET POINTS

– Coach Tobacco Mouth vs. Jerry Sandusky’s roommate. Fascinating.

– I can’t wait for Pittsburgh to counter this 0-10 score by running the ball up the gut, the Steelers way!

Ben Roethlisberger — 26/41, 406 YDS, 2 TDs, 2 INTs and 2 CAR, 7 YDS. This Ben Roethlisberger, I call him David Crosby, because he’s fat, past his prime, and his balls keep dropping more all the time. Even with all of those turnovers, Cris Collinsworth and Al Michaels were still waxing all over him. Usually he has to corner someone in the ladies room to get that kind of attention.

CHI DEF — The Bears were having their way with Big Ben like he was a cocktail waitress.

PIT DEF — Dick LeBeau is literally one billionty years old. What a coincidence, as I wouldn’t trust starting this defense in one billionty years.

a wonderful concluding thought

“You merely adopted the derp. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t see competent football until I was already a man.” — Sunday Night Football, 2013.

Jaywrong is a 30-year old Korish writer who finds solace using Makers Mark as a vehicle to impress women, and also has an affinity for making Jennifer Lawrence GIFs. You can follow him @jaywrong, read his blog Desultory Thoughts of a Longfellow, or, you can find his GIFs at his tumblr, named Siuijeonseo.

@J-FOH: Funny you should ask, I’ve already made my Broncos/Colts drinking game for SNF on Oct 20.

Drink one sip of beer…
…whenever Von Miller is a stupid idiot OR is shown with his blickster glasses.
…whenever Reggie Wayne carries the team.
…when Cris Collinsworth fellates a lineman
…whenever Peyton Manning to Wes Welker makes you pee a little.
…whenever someone mentions Peyton Manning as a Colt.

Take one shot of Jägermeister…
…whenever they show John Elway neighing in the booth.
…every time you think Andrew Luck has a blue orange peel in his mouth, then remember he uses an obnoxiously big mouth guard.