Monday, 9 February 2009

The Law of TEN (10)

Wow, I can honestly say I hardly remember posting that drivel yesterday. I noticed my ability to maintain focus was at an optimal level there, starting out with a list of 'things I'm doing/involved in now' quickly morphing into a list of 'things TO do'... Way to lose your readers Mike...

But through my boozy stupor I wrote something that caught my attention once I had had a nap and sobered up. 10 of anything really is enough of anything - this got my mind wondering and I came up with a few instances that supports this groundbreaking theory (soon to become gospel, taught world wide and implemented into the school curricular).

The Law of TEN - where 10 of anything is enough of everything:

10 units of alcohol in a single night is enough to get you hammered, but still remain in control of your fist and dialling finger (or thumb) while out on the town. You will be on the fine line between Jeckyl and Mr Hyde, this is the moment when you cash in your chips and head home, successfully avoiding any bouts of the Loser Complex in the morning which leads me onto....

£10 is the cost of my cab ride from Clapham Grand to my front door, nice...

10 months is enough time to date some one and come to the conclusion as to whether you want to spend the rest of your life with said significant other. I have dated only 2 lucky ladies for 10 months or longer and I knew the answer by the 10 month dead line. It makes no difference that for both ladies the answer was yes in my case...

If you have slept with some one 10 times or more you are in a relationship with that person. Anything less should be considered a privilege for both parties. A knowing glance from across the room next time you see them in public is enough contact to warrant fair treatment in a social situation - we all adults here and sex is fun, move on.

Size 10 shoe is the perfect size to have as a male. I'm a size 12 (and the answer to your next question is yes, I'm in proportion) and I struggle to find my size anywhere - but they always have 10.

There are 10 digits in a South African land line number (3 for the area code) - easy to remember not like the UK endless string of digits.

10 Tour De France titles is enough. Why do you think Lance is back on the bike? He understands the gravity of The Law of 10 and recognizes that 7 just isn't convincing enough. To truly dominate your sport, 10 of anything is essential. Which brings me to Phelpsie. Back in the pool bud, 8 medals isn't enough. So you just scraped past Spitz, he was wearing a tiny speedo, no cap AND he was sporting a very steamy moustache when he won 7. See you in London 2012, and bring your bong you under achiever. But if you win more than 10 of anything in sport then you're just showing off and actually changing the face of the game which unfair: Tiger, Roger you've proved your point...

10 commandments no more no less. Anything more would be classified as a little thing called facism and anything less would send us into somewhat of a Dionysion era, which would be cool for a while until some twat who looks like Brad Pitt in a thong comes over and steals your last bottle of Pinot Noir and the two lushious babes you were making head way with. Conditions unfavourable for the meek and mild.

10 is the perfect number of people for a swingers party. 5 sets of keys fit nicely into a standard sized hat. 5 cars in the drive way doesn't scream Frat Party to the old lady walking her labradour late at night, just a civilized dinner party. With 5 couples, you would have the choice of 4 ladies, odds are good that you will bag a hottie (25%). 9 or 11 people at a swingers party will always garner one lonely soul to do camera duty. Now good framing and zoom control aren't skills you are simply born with so rather hire a professional and stick to The Law of 10.

10 minutes is the perfect time frame for anything. A 10 minute walk to the train station. It's doeable, not chaff inducing and not a hop-skip and a jump but nothing warranting you getting in your car, just a comfortable walk.

10 km Fun Run is the perfect distance for any challenging run. Anything more is stupid and bad for your heath. Which reminds me: Way to choke at 9 Comrades wins Bruce Fordyce. I bet if you had stuck to the Law of 10 and only run Spar Fun Runs you would have made the ultimate mark of 10 wins. Way to drop the ball, how do you sleep at night?

10 minutes of foreplay. Serioulsy ladies, when it comes to sexual anxiety 10 minutes is excruciatingly long so admit it, you are well up for it by the time the magic number rolls in.

10 tracks is the perfect length of a good album: Radiohead 'In Rainbows', 'Kid A', Pink Floyd 'Dark Side of the Moon', Thom Yorke 'The Eraser' etc etc... ANything longer is self indulgent pish and anything shorter is an E.P... That's just logistical...

I could go on, but I think I've come up with a few key points here and I'd like to hear if you have any to contribute. See what I'm doing here? I'm changing the way people think, the way they live their lives. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm here for you! So let's hear it!

Stay safe, and follow the rules... oh,

10 minutes is all it took for George Bush to read My Pet Goat and cock up his Presidency.

8 comments:

I hate to rain on your parade of 10 here hon, but 10 minutes of foreplay doesn't quite cut it. "They" have proven that it takes the average woman 11 to 15 minutes to become fully aroused, so you're selling her short by at least a full minute in your rule of 10. You've got to admit that would be criminal, when a mere 1 or 2 extra minutes of effort would help you reap your just rewards...

The size of the shoe does not necessarily indicate the size of any other appendage, unfortunately...The facts quoted are not imaginary, but based on extensive research...And there is nothing wrong with female world domination!!! If women ruled the world there would be no more wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days...

TENsion in the middle east...Ten men on a football pitch after one has been red-carded...TENdonitis...TENnis elbow...TEN-pin bowling (rates below Juksei on the all-time list of shitty sports)...The Ten year itch...Its like the seven year itch, but 3 tenths worse than the latter...Ten was the age at which I realised that we lead a pretty mundane existence...Which supposedly lasts three score and ten...And lets be honest...How ultra-shitty will those last ten years be...Ten kids: About ten kids too many? Pfft! And so-on and so-forth... :)