Message Boards

Topic : Coping with Stress

Is stress ruining your life? Have you discovered great coping strategies or ways to reduce the anxiety of living? Don't be stressed, kick off your shoes and talk with others!

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

stress

This is what I have on my plate theses days. &nbsp

My husband sick with lung cancer,my oldest daughter with suspected cervical cancer,another daughter who is 300 miles and pregnate calling me almost daily to let me know her husband is abusing her,worrying where the money will come from to pay all the household expenses,wondering how I will pay for my husbands funeral,wondering if I can keep my house!! &nbsp

I am a mess my mind just spins like a top,I have insomnia and just lay awake and wonder and wonder and wonder. &nbsp

You certainly are stressed!

My husband sick with lung cancer,my oldest daughter with suspected cervical cancer,another daughter who is 300 miles and pregnate calling me almost daily to let me know her husband is abusing her,worrying where the money will come from to pay all the household expenses,wondering how I will pay for my husbands funeral,wondering if I can keep my house!! &nbsp

I am a mess my mind just spins like a top,I have insomnia and just lay awake and wonder and wonder and wonder. &nbsp

I know you must be feeling all alone too. Take a deep breath though, and step back a moment. Your husband is terribly sick and needs you for emotional support. You can not make him better, that's up to him, the doctors, and God. You don't know if your daughter has cervical cancer yet, so hold off on that stress for now. She would like emotional support also, which I'm sure you will give if it's needed. Your other pregnant daughter is having problems but is too far away for you to take a hands on approach, and she holds some responsibility for her predicament. She needs emotional support, and I'm sure you will supply it.
You can not solve these problems for others, the best you can do is offer emotional support. What do YOU need to be able to "be there" for your loved ones? Take some time out of every day to give yourself some peace to be able to pick up your burdens and face the suffering of the ones you love. For us women, it seems selfish to take time for ourselves, but it is not. If you are always stressed, needlessly over things you have no control over, you will not accomplish the things you DO have control over.
If you lose your house, where will you go? You must separate your survival issues from stress about others that you have no control over. It's not selfish to take care of your future so that your daughters won't have to take care of you. And it's not selfish to prioritize the time you spend worrying and being with your husband. Your daughters should understand that he was there before they were, that he was the reason they were created, and that he is your life partner.
Take the time to care for you.

Move your feet and stop worrying!

I get stressed during the day, and when I try to sleep at night I can't slow my mind down. How can I relax my mind so that I can get restful sleep? Does anyone have any suggestions?&nbsp

&nbsp

Hi!

Have you tried excercise? I'm betting that you havent. I'm not talking about a quick walk around the neighbourhood here, but some serious, exhausting excercise. Long distance running, or boxing. Something that really makes your body want to sleep and recover. Remember, our bodies WANTS to work, and they want to work hard. During the tens of thousands of years we have evolved as humans, our bodies have been adapted to working. And remember: It is not a duty or a burden, something you have to do. It's something your body WANTS to do, and your not letting it. It's easy, just do it.

This might seem like a smart ass answer, but consider the following: Picture your ancestors, ten thousand years ago; how much brain-work did they do, and how much body-work? Did they worry about their income, their taxes, their childrens school or their carrers all day, so much that they had trouble winding down before they fell asleep in their caves at night? I wasn't there, so I can't know for shure, but I'm pretty convinced they did not.

I think there's a challenge here for us "modern people", to find a balance for ourselves that fulfills the needs of both body and brain. That means we cannot afford to be lazy. We cannot give ourselves the excuse not to either excercise properly, nor not worrying about stuff we cannot change anyway. Realize that your life and the world around you is not perfect, nothing is! Don't measure yourself by anyone elses yardstick, it all begins inside you. That does not mean you should expect less of yourself. It means that you should set out realistic goals and expectations for yourself, according to yourself!

You're so right!

Have you tried excercise? I'm betting that you havent. I'm not talking about a quick walk around the neighbourhood here, but some serious, exhausting excercise. Long distance running, or boxing. Something that really makes your body want to sleep and recover. Remember, our bodies WANTS to work, and they want to work hard. During the tens of thousands of years we have evolved as humans, our bodies have been adapted to working. And remember: It is not a duty or a burden, something you have to do. It's something your body WANTS to do, and your not letting it. It's easy, just do it.

This might seem like a smart ass answer, but consider the following: Picture your ancestors, ten thousand years ago; how much brain-work did they do, and how much body-work? Did they worry about their income, their taxes, their childrens school or their carrers all day, so much that they had trouble winding down before they fell asleep in their caves at night? I wasn't there, so I can't know for shure, but I'm pretty convinced they did not.

I think there's a challenge here for us "modern people", to find a balance for ourselves that fulfills the needs of both body and brain. That means we cannot afford to be lazy. We cannot give ourselves the excuse not to either excercise properly, nor not worrying about stuff we cannot change anyway. Realize that your life and the world around you is not perfect, nothing is! Don't measure yourself by anyone elses yardstick, it all begins inside you. That does not mean you should expect less of yourself. It means that you should set out realistic goals and expectations for yourself, according to yourself!

Good luck!

/J

When I'm really bothered by something I do a hard workout, or push myself walking. (I'm getting on and can't run as much as I could when I was younger.) There's something about working up a good sweat and getting out of breath for as long as you can stand it that puts everything back in perspective.

Stress

I am sad for the lady that found no hope on this message board.I am with you. I have had these same kinds of things happen to me for the past 35 yrs,I have not had no help either. Seems like I have been in another world.I want even go into mine. But I do want you to come back to this board & talk to me. I am sooo ready to hear from you. I will tell you some of my problems later.Maybe we can help one another.btg123 in Louisiana. Please if anyone can help me find this lady that has had problems bad for the past 30 yrs.Please tell her to read my message and I will listen to her. Sending my prayers to her. GOD LOVES YOU> NEVER FORGET THAT>>>

Coping with Stress

It doesn't take much for me to become stressed. I am 20 years old, psychology major, Spanish minor, and it is my junior year. I have several problems that I need to deal with, but don't. I often feel like I am talking to myself, because my thoughts seem really loud and I can't relax. Sometimes I become so interested in my thoughts that I begin to have a mental conversation. I also get really anxious sometimes, but I don't know why? I know I can't stop thinking, but does anyone have suggestions on how I can clear my mind or get my thoughts to quiet down?

male menopause

Is this possible? I have heard that it is. I am wondering if men have the same symptoms as women?&nbsp

&nbsp

My husband and I have had some significant life changes in the last couple of years. Situations that were very heart wrenching and we had to make some tough decisions. We have had to hang tough and draw a very hard line in the sand and stand by it and dare anyone to cross it. Some of it was with immediate family, which is hard, other of it was work related.&nbsp

&nbsp

All this aside, we came through it ok and the decisions we made have put us in a better place now. But now, my husband goes through these bouts of depression. You can't reason with him. He brings stuff up from the past, that we can't change or do anything about now. He mopes, he's cranky, he's tired all the time, he can't sleep, he craves sweets. He has all the symptoms of menopause. Am I crazy? I should be the one acting like this and I don't have any of it. I have a mood swing or two now and then, but that is it.&nbsp

&nbsp

Is there medication for him? Could he take what women take? I am looking for a way to calm him down, make him more like his old self. My husband is usually Mr. Nice Guy. Very layed back, always has a joke to tell or a funny story, he is liked by everyone he meets, just a super nice guy. Now, we have days where he is just a beast and I can't stand him.&nbsp

&nbsp

If anyone has any information I am all ears. I would like to get as much information as I can, so when I approach him with what I suspect, I want to be ready. Any help would be appreciated.&nbsp

stress at a young age

Since 2002 (when I was 21) life has gone down hill. Isnt that supposed to be the best time of your life? It was the worst for me. On Valentines Day of 2002 my father passed away. My father and I had been fighting when he died so of course I have alot of guilt. My brother and sister did not want the responsibility of controling his estate, so of course I had to be the one to do it and it was not fun at all. That had to be the most stressful period in my life. &nbsp

&nbsp

Also that year I was diagnosed with crohns disease. No one in my family understands the pain that I go through almost daily with the disease. I have been in the hospital 2 times since Aug 04 and my weight has been up and down. Right now I am not happy with myself. We were told that it was hereditary but we cant find anyone in our family who has had it.????&nbsp

&nbsp

I am recently married although right now I am separated. I have a waitressing job and business is slow so I am not making money, therefore I have to stay with my mother.&nbsp

&nbsp

I have been through alot at such a young age. I know that I am smart, beautiful ,and I always try to look at the positive. I know everything happens for a reason although we may not understand why it happened at that particular time eventually we will get it. I am thankful I have a home a job and a car. But it is still hard trying to cope with everything that has happened and my daily stresses.&nbsp

Stess-reduction

It doesn't take much for me to become stressed. I am 20 years old, psychology major, Spanish minor, and it is my junior year. I have several problems that I need to deal with, but don't. I often feel like I am talking to myself, because my thoughts seem really loud and I can't relax. Sometimes I become so interested in my thoughts that I begin to have a mental conversation. I also get really anxious sometimes, but I don't know why? I know I can't stop thinking, but does anyone have suggestions on how I can clear my mind or get my thoughts to quiet down?

&nbsp

&nbsp

&nbsp

The best method I know of to reduce stress is to take some time to yourself. You can buy a stress reduction tape, there are many out there, and sit comfortably or lie back and listen to it. It's something you have to practice. Just like you unconsciensely "practiced" anxiety by telling yourself things like "there's no time! I'm not good enough!" or whatever, now you have to stop and do something different. Over a surprisingly small amount of time, you will have mastered the art of calming yourself in any situation by taking a few deep breaths and giving yourself a trigger mantra or act.
It is a choice and you have to practice it though. Decide that you DO have the time and that you are important enough to learn this skill.

Post trauma...

Is this possible? I have heard that it is. I am wondering if men have the same symptoms as women?&nbsp

&nbsp

My husband and I have had some significant life changes in the last couple of years. Situations that were very heart wrenching and we had to make some tough decisions. We have had to hang tough and draw a very hard line in the sand and stand by it and dare anyone to cross it. Some of it was with immediate family, which is hard, other of it was work related.&nbsp

&nbsp

All this aside, we came through it ok and the decisions we made have put us in a better place now. But now, my husband goes through these bouts of depression. You can't reason with him. He brings stuff up from the past, that we can't change or do anything about now. He mopes, he's cranky, he's tired all the time, he can't sleep, he craves sweets. He has all the symptoms of menopause. Am I crazy? I should be the one acting like this and I don't have any of it. I have a mood swing or two now and then, but that is it.&nbsp

&nbsp

Is there medication for him? Could he take what women take? I am looking for a way to calm him down, make him more like his old self. My husband is usually Mr. Nice Guy. Very layed back, always has a joke to tell or a funny story, he is liked by everyone he meets, just a super nice guy. Now, we have days where he is just a beast and I can't stand him.&nbsp

&nbsp

If anyone has any information I am all ears. I would like to get as much information as I can, so when I approach him with what I suspect, I want to be ready. Any help would be appreciated.&nbsp

Thanks, Norma&nbsp

Sounds like your husband is stuck in the emotions of whatever you have gone through. He could be stuffing down anger with sadness and depression. He needs to connect with his emotions that he thinks are inappropriate to feel, acknowledge them as legitimate, recognise whatever it is that he feels he lost, and move through it. (What I mean by "lost" could be a sense of confidence, or self-worth of some kind.) If he seems to be stuck in depression, he's probably feeling sadness. Anger and sadness are two sides of a coin, in order to work through it, he will need to connect to the anger he's denying. Sorry if this sounds complicated, but I've found that it works for me. I tend to fall into depressions because I have a bad habit of not allowing my anger out, I was taught girls don't show those kinds of emotion and its selfish to feel that way.
Hope this helps.