Obama Concedes GOP Victory, Calls for Cooperation

Define "cooperation."

A day after Republicans took control of the Senate and gained seats in the House, President Obama today admitted the GOP "had a good night" on Tuesday night.

"Obviously, Republicans had a good night and they deserve credit for running good campaigns," the president said during a news conference in the East Room of the White House this afternoon.

"What stands out to me though, is the American people sent a message," he continued. "They expect the people they elect to work as hard as they do. They expect us to focus on their ambitions and not ours. They want us to get the job done."

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On the issue of immigration reform, Obama said he felt “obligated to do everything I can do lawfully” to reform the nation’s broken immigration system, but promised that any executive orders would be “replaced and supplanted by action by Congress.”

“You send me a bill that I can sign, and those actions go away,” the president said.

Translation: “I will rule by decree but I will also yield to Congress whenever they agree to legitimize my actions.”

“What stands out to me though, is the American people sent a message,” he continued. “They expect the people they elect to work as hard as they do. They expect us to focus on their ambitions and not ours. They want us to get the job done.”

No, they wanted to stop you from getting the job done, you pig-headed son of a bitch.