‘Pretty Little Liars’ Recap: The Girls Witness Maya’s Kidnapping

Plus, five other mind-blowers from the Aug. 14 episode of ‘Pretty Little Liars.’

I know every episode of Pretty Little Liarsis a parade of revelations and other-such discoveries, but this week’s episode was relentless in its shockery. For example: Did you know Garrett (Yani Gellman) wasn’t the last person to see Maya (Bianca Lawson) alive? Or that Emily (Shay Mitchell) might be bisexual? Or that Noel Kahn (Brant Daugherty) is on the football team? Those all came as equal, fantastic surprises to me.

Here’s a breakdown of the evening’s many reveals. (Try not to squee out loud):

1. “Hen” (or “Wranna,” or whatever) is happening:

Though Hanna (Ashley Benson) originally dissed and dismissed Dr. Wren’s (Julian Morris) charming British advancements, an injury she sustained at the Kahns’ cabin — she got stabbed in the leg and it was crazy — drew them together again. Wren came to her house, worked some kind of medical British magic on her leg, then cooked her dinner using whatever he found in the fridge. It sounded really gross and I wouldn’t have eaten a bite of it. (Related question for the group: How old is Wren supposed to be? A full-grown man in a hospital uniform looks ridiculous hitting on underage girls in coffee shops.)

2. Rosewood High has a football team & everyone is on it:

I know I can’t complain about this show’s lack of skin thus far — there has been so much skin, to be honest — but am I the only viewer appalled that we’re just now getting a glimpse into the Rosewood High locker room? We’re midway through season three; How long has Noel Kahn been on the football team? This seems like a very good thing waiting to happen, as Spencer (Troian Bellisario) discovered when she tried snooping through His Royal Eyebrows’ gym locker for a clue about Maya’s death. Though she ended up getting caught, “Noel” (or probably “A”) e-mailed Spencer a shocking video, which leads me to the next revelation…

3. Neither Noel, Jenna nor Garrett killed Maya:

Noel’s e-mail to Spencer contained security footage from the Kahns’ cabin the night of Maya’s death — and it ruled out three of the murder suspects! Noel and Jenna (Tammin Sursok) were seen going inside the cabin alone, and Garrett had already been arrested for allegedly killing Alison. (Side note: Garrett’s life sucks.) So who grabbed her outside the cabin? My money is on Paige (Lindsey Shaw). I already predicted this months ago, and now that she caught Emily kissing Nate (Sterling Sulieman), she’s only two episodes away from going Absolutely InsAne. Oh, right, about that kiss…

4. Emily is maybe, kinda, sorta bisexual — but probably not:

Yes, Emily kissed Nate — but I believe it was merely a moment of weakness. He was crying and looked very sad in his V-neck t-shirt, so I don’t blame her for going to town on him, though she didn’t seem to be enjoying it. But at the end of the day, does it really matter what Emily was thinking? Paige walked in on them kissing, so regardless of any emotions, the girl is bound to go nuts and try to kill them both.

5. Ella is a hot piece:

Aria (Lucy Hale) got to know her mom’s new boyfriend, Bartender Zack (Steve Talley), and she definitely approves. I give my blessing, too. I’ve always loved Holly Marie Combs — my appreciation goes all the way back to Charmed — and I love seeing her getting to do something fun for once. Prior to this romance, Ella’s story lines either involved being clueless about Aria or being trapped in a tense marriage with Byron. Here’s hoping for more of this new Ella in the coming weeks.

6. Aria’s ex-games with Ezra:

It seems Aria is just as unlucky in love as her mom — and I’m referring to Ella’s horrific divorce, not her current affairs. After pestering Ezra (Ian Harding) about Maggie, his pregnant high-school girlfriend who was payed by Mrs. Fitzgerald to disappear forever, Aria finally learned the truth: Ezra knows exactly where Maggie is today. DELAWARE!(Ok, that’s not exactly her address, but something tells me “A” won’t have any trouble tracking her down.)

What were your reactions to these seven revelations? Who do you believe kidnapped Maya? Do you predict Ezra’s ex is headed to Rosewood soon? And how do you think Hanna’s relationship with Wren will affect everything? Drop me a comment with your thoughts and theories!