Delivering immeasurable volumes of snark about movies and anything else that pops into my head

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

About a bout of gout

When I started this blog, I knew I wanted to touch on a wide range of topics besides movies. I never dreamed I'd blog about having foot surgery, or that it would draw the most responses from people out there.

Unfortunately, I'm going down that road again. This morning Jean and I made a quasi-emergency visit to the podiatrist, where I was diagnosed with gout in my left foot. So that means my surgery foot, which still bears a large scab and is tender, is now my good one.

Gout is one of those mysterious old-people ailments that is often joked about. All I can say is that I've never experienced any kind of pain like this in my life. The only thing that comes close was when I dislocated both my knees in high school. But that was sharp and short. This has been absolutely excruciating. Imagine someone stabbing your foot with a dull knife, then continually twisting the blade around and around unceasingly for days on end.

I woke up with the pain early Sunday morning, and figured I'd jammed my toe or something. A couple of Advil knocked it down, to the point that Jean and I were able to move some large furniture from her house that afternoon, with nothing worse than a slight limp to show for it.

But it grew worse and worse. I did not sleep at all last night, and at one point considered calling for an ambulance. This morning I could not bear even the slightest weight on my left foot. I broke out in sweats and nearly passed out from the pain while brushing my teeth.

The doctor accurately described the pain from gout as "debilitating."

Anyway, I now have a pair of crutches rented from Kroger, and am hopped up on steroids and heavy-duty pain killers. I think they're starting to kick in.