A Thirty-Something: Jesus Follower. Fire Wife. Mama to Ella.
I'm head-over-heels, crazy-in-love with my husband, our daughter, and our life. It's not always perfect (and I'm not afraid to let that show), but I love it just as it is.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Stream of Consciousness

I cannot wait to see your face, little one...

...what features did you inherit from me? From your father?

...are you really a darling baby girl, as I've been feeling all along? Or are you a sweet baby boy?

I cannot wait to watch your Daddy, whose hands will be the first to ever touch you, pull you from my body and present you to me, using your name.

I cannot wait to watch you take your first breath of air and let out that tiny, mewing cry.

Or to crawl up my body and find the nourishment that only Mama can provide. Such a beautiful moment in time, I am sure.

But in all of this, I am desperately trying to push away a darkness that is lingering on the periphery.

Your daddy has been at work for 3 days. He comes home tomorrow.

Thankfully.

I never realized before how much he calms my nerves. Lessens my insecurities. Rids my mind of negative thoughts. Alleviates anxiety.

I'm realizing it all today, though. And you will realize it one day, too.

I'm not normally an anxious person. Excitable, yes. But never anxious. I'm new to this buzzing sensation flowing through my veins, my head pounding, breath shortening.

Panic. Fear. Anxiety.

37 weeks. 2 days away. Full term. I want to meet you, precious one who has been growing in my womb, knit together there by our Creator for the past 9 months.

8 comments:

Tearing up over here. What you're feeling is normal, mama. Overwhelming love, anxiousness yet fearful over a life changing event right around the corner. I have no doubt that you and Mr. Lukie will make excellent parents. Savor these emotions...it's all part of this wonderful, amazing journey :)