Greetings, earthlings. After the most exciting Saturday night ever (I ate half a block of cheese, apple slices, 3 pickles, a piece of pizza, BBQ chips, and a bowl of chili. Don’t act like you’re not impressed.), I find myself slothing on the couch of fellow blogger Mal and dear friend Ms. Potter. Naturally, I have been catching up on all the interesting news that I missed whilst stuffing my face with high sodium foods. Here we go:

*Michael Phelps smoked a bong, oh my! AND THERE IS PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE! I’m not surprised. He swims fast but in his spare time, he likes to move slooooooooooow. Here’s the best quote from the story:

“He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.”

Haha. Five bucks the kid who said this quote was stoned out of his mind and giggled for hours after saying “the gold medal winner of bong hits”. Here’s the picture.

Whoopsies! But in all honesty, this guy takes six drug tests a day, I hardly think he’s a pothead.

*Lisa Loeb got mawwwwwwwied! She married Roey Hershkovitz, a teevee producer. You can read the cute NYT announcement here. Oddly enough, there’s no mention of her E! show, “#1 Single”, which chronicled her miserable dating life and her never-ending, desperate quest to get married. Funny they didn’t mention it. Eek. Here’s a video of her actual number one single, “Stay”. LOVE THAT SONG. It’s so 7th grade angsty. But congrats to LL and her man!

* If you watched the inauguration, you saw Aretha Franklin and her [insert adjective of choice] hat. Her hat is historic enough on its own, apparently, because the Smithsonian Museum has requested it.

“I am considering it. It would be hard to part with my chapeau since it was such a crowning moment in history,” says the Queen of Soul. “I would like to smile every time I look back at it and remember what a great moment it was in American and African-American history. Ten cheers for President Obama.”

And then she went on about being a natural woman and all that jazz. What do you think about her hat?

So no SERIOUS news, just things I find interesante (that’s Spanish for “interesting” FYI). I need to go eat sodium free foods. I’ll post more exciting things later, I promise. Happy Superbowl Sunday! GO CARDINALS! Honestly, I don’t care, but I’m rooting for them because running back Tim Hightower is a RICHMOND SPIDER.

Knowing that I LOVE nature, imagine my reaction when I saw this headline, and this picture:

Giant spider snapped eating bird in backyard near Cairns

Yup. I freaked the eff out. This will no doubt appear in my nightmares.

Despite my fear of spiders, I went to a school where the mascot was a spider. SPIDERS EVERYWHERE ON EVERYTHING. AHHH. Yes, I am a proud Richmond Spider. And devastated that I will not be able to make it to Homecoming this weekend. Miss me. GO SPIDERS! (But only the nice ones. That go to Richmond.)