You actually got him to reminisce. Teach me?
Anyway. The gist of his answer is this — while research takes the lion's share of his time, it's his duties as a librarian that were most formative for him; there is a certain charm in caring for a library that no research can replicate.

This is an AU game in which we get to have a Q&A session with some of our favourite PPC agents. As such, it is strictly non-canon for all participants due to the fact that, well, World One authors are having their questions answered by the agents themselves.

Is there any website you know where I can legally watch Agents of SHIELD? I assume that's the specific part of the MCU you're from, and I've heard some pretty interesting things about it. Miguel and I have almost gotten caught up on the movies; sadly, it's a lot harder than I expected to find Guardians of the Galaxy on a reliable streaming website.

Miguel: Hi! How do you think the new movie's going to impact your end of canon? Which side did you choose, if any? Chris has come down firmly on Captain America's side; I'm on the fence, and the girls are staying out of it (each for completely different reasons, which I won't disclose on pain of getting punched in the jaw).

Agent Chris, I think you might be mistaken, I'm not from Earth-199999, which is the designation of the Cinematic Universe by the way, but from Earth-616, the main Marvel Universe; and as such, my knowledge of that universe is severily limited. Also, I also would be most grateful if people stopped confusing both universes.

And Mr. Correa, regarding my stance on the Superhuman Civil War, SH.I.E.L.D. as a law enforcement agency, had to be sided with Mr. Stark and the Superhuman Registration Act, thus... Wait. You meant Earth-19999 too!? Would you people stop doing that!? Please, is annoying!

I have been out from home a long time and as such, I'm unfamiliar with the events following the fallout of the clash between the Avengers and the X-Men, I know there were another Secret Wars, and Thor has been somehow forced in a female body, but until I know more, I'll refrain judgement in the matter.

Now regarding my file from Personnel, it's quite likely, that because of some incosistencies from my homefic, there have been some... issues, getting my documents in order, not to mention the nature itself of my own home universe and its quite... irregular timeline fluctuations.

I was also talking about the MCU. dodges supression fire Eh, it's not our fault if Personnel didn't release a fiche about you stating your homeverse. Without that, we have to play guess about your verse and, well, the MCU is the one with the most attention for the moment, so it leads to that.

P.S.: Super Registration Act is a thing, but the dude supervising that is 'Thundrbolt' Ross, a guy who gives no duck about risks for civilians, is totally irresponsible when it comes to Hulk, who wanted a whole army like him, created the Abomination... Is that really the guy you would trust for the job? Or the government who pretty much gifted HYDRA with three Helicarriers or was ready to nuke Manhattan before complaining about how much damage the Avengers can cause?

It was quite a large tree, and don't get me started on the crosswinds. Eventually I made it to a branch from which I could use my active ability to create an aquatic pathway from said branch to Matthew. So I hollowed out the inside of the tree and made it to Matthew before he could fall to his death.

Questions are open to my two potential agents, Larkus Grun and Turff-Croft. Larkus is a human male and former Coruscant Security Force officer, Turff-Croft (who generally prefers the name Curff) is a lupin sorcerer and retired adventurer.

We don't know each other all that well yet, but we'll try to answer as best we can.

Larkus:

What I find most irritating about Curff is his attitude. I'm a pretty friendly person, when I'm not on duty I like to get to know people, but Curff just wants to be left alone all the time. He's cold and aloof, and it gets on my nerves.

What I like about him is that he's dependable. We might not always agree on what needs done or how to do it, but when we settle our differences I know I can count on him. Reliability is a pretty big plus in a crazy place like HQ.

To his credit, however, he is a practical enough sort not to apply that attitude to everything. Indeed, I find I quite enjoy his sensibility. Far too often in my life I have found myself in the company of people who were variously insane, impractical, immoral, or simply bizarre. It is quite refreshing to partner with a more balanced individual.

WE DON'T USE KEYBOARDS WHERE I'M FROM, ANYMORE.
IF YOU CAME FROM WHERE I CAME FROM, YOU'D BE NAMED CAT-ON-THE-BRAIN-COMPUTER-INTERFACE, AND THAT SOMEHOW DOESN'T ROLL OFF THE SPEAKERS AS WELL AS I'D HOPE.

I distinctly recall once causing a total gravitational breakdown.
For a good fifteen or so metres away, we had quills and parchments floating around like they thought they were in the sea!
Not a single newton of gravity, they told me.
A remarkable achievement, though it lost its touch somewhat when they made me clean up the results.

It's her AAT, it breeds! We managed to clear the decks once but we think Gavin left a soldering iron's wire sticking out of a drawer and, and the thing that it made still leaves these weird notes everywhere! They're burned into the walls! I--

Er, hello? Mister Rosedale? My name's Karen. Um. Al's probably going to be fine after he's been voltage-calmed, but, yeah, um... yeah. Bit tough to deal with her. We've put in for transfers I don't know how many times. Actually, er, quick question: you wouldn't happen to need any repairs technicians in BM, would you? Or, er, secretaries, or someone who can get the vending machines to work properly, or, y'know, that sort of thing...

Al's been putting in transfers ever since Wobbles started showing up on the regular! He wants out of this place more than anyone! He has a clock face that tells the time in any country of your choosing growing out of his bloody forehead! We keep getting denied, because apparently there's reasons we are where we are.

Also, um, I switched to my account for this. I, I hope you don't mind.

((Introing Karen, the other member of the A/V Division who will one day get their wish. I have an entirely new spinoff planned for them, about which I have definitely told July and probably Ix, and that is how it shall remain until I need to badger hS for to beta certain parts.))

I thought Algie'd been moping a bit lately. Just assumed he'd been to see his wife again or something, and you didn't hear that from me.

Actually, yeah, he did explain that, now that I think about it. Something about how his magic works because everything has a spirit and nothing in your home continuum swore an oath to something or other, I don't remember the details, that's what he's for. Still. At least you've got some free books out of it, eh cob?

Introducing. . . Agent Kei Bird, DBS. He's sort of an author-insert, sort of a rewrite of the atrocious Michael Ylats from the Permission Self-Check. Should I put a character bio, or just have him answer questions?

((OOC: Of course you're hypothetical. That's why you can talk to me. And why none of the real agents ever talk to you.))

Aw, shoot. I wondered about that.

((OOC: This is an AU, though; you can talk to them now.))

Sweet! Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet! Gah, it's such a pain only having Key to talk to. Especially since she's always sniggering about plans she has for me.

((OOC: Being hypothetical means you don't have to go on missions, though.))

I don't know why everyone complains about missions; they sound really cool! There's magic and weapons and sexytimes with your favorite characters, all in the name of justice! I wish Key would at least let me read the reports...

I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT A HUMAN WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD!
JUST SIT BACK AND THINK OF ALL OF THE DISEASES THAT COME FOR YOU EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY.
HANTAVIRUS, MALARIA, TYPHUS AND TYPHOID FEVER, TETANUS, RABIES, HEPATITIS A, B, C, D, E, FASCIOLASIS, CHANCROID, ANAPLASMOSIS, MORE, EVEN!
MITOSIS CAN'T KEEP YOU TOGETHER FOREVER.

WHAT I'D GIVE TO BE IN YOUR PLACE - FLOATING AROUND IN HALF-WRITTEN NONEXISTENCE, OUT OF REACH OF BLUE SCREENS AND LEGAL DEPARTMENTS AND GLITTER.
APPRECIATE IT WHILE YOU CAN, TRUST ME. IT'S BLOODY TERRIFYING OUT HERE.

Well, it is somewhat hard to tell precisely, but I tend to think that I come from the movies. That ties into your next question quite nice. See, I did go to Hogwarts and I somewhat remember the moving staircases, which seem to come more from them, with Hogwarts in the books being more like Headquarters, just shifting around in general and being really confusing. And well, I'm what people around here call a semi-fic bleep. Giving that my homefic was never published and got deleted, most of my memory is not all that clear. I can't tell for sure exactly when I attended, but I do know that I was in Gryffindor and that played as a Beater in the House's Quidditch team.

Always nice to meet a housemate! And I can kind of relate—I'm from a fanfic as well, though it's based on the books from what my partner has told me. Apparently it was supposed to have a lot of angst, but I ended up in HQ before that could happen. What is playing Quidditch like? I've always wanted to try it but I... wasn't able to make the team because of scheduling issues.

Then likewise, it's nice to meet a fellow housemate. And I'm glad that you spared from apparently worse parts of your home badfic. My partner came from a pretty horrible ''Digimon'' one and she had live through most of it before agents in charge could properly deal with the fic and rescue her.

Did you get to finish Hogwarts before ended up here? For my part, I already had and had begun training to be a healer, as was traditional in family , apparently, before my fic got deleted and I ended up here through a plothole.

Well, from what I remember, playing was quite a fun experience. My teammates were probably not fleshed out all that much, so I can't comment on what it was playing in the team. What I can say is that it did payoff pretty later on. The strenght that is needed to batter up those Bludgers comes quite in handy for physically attacking Warior Sues, for examples.

And well, it is somewhat rare to actually get to play Quidditch around here, though I try to do it as much possible.But have ever try to play in the All-HQ Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich League? Granted, that game is not quite actual Quidditch and may more suited for Beaters anyway, but it is a pretty good substitute and a fine game on its own.

Henry: Well, it has been interesting so far. Aiko likes quite a bit of Magical Girl shows, so we tend to get dragged into badfics for those occasionally. The magic in most of those is quite different from the one I use. Most don't have defined spells behind those special attacks used to defeat monsters.

The closest to the Potterverse magic system that I have seen would probably be that Nanoha show and even that is still quite different. Way flashier and more destructive, but still somehow less lethal in most fights. I haven't seen that one firsthand in a mission yet though. That will likely prove to a quite interesting experience.

Aiko: Well, the obvious choice for my favorite season would have to be a tie between Digimon Adventure and Digimon Adventure 02. Those are where my parents came from, after all. It is really nice to watch what they were like when they were younger, how they were such strong friends. Though watching the epilogue to 02 is still somewhat of a sore point for me. It reminds me that I couldn't possibly exist in canon. I mean, there is no official word way or the other on wheter they got together, but it is pretty clear that they both had sons regardless. It is always a difficult momentfor me.

But it always refreshing to see what Davis was really like. He may have been jealous about mom, but he was a good friend and not anything like the monster they made him out to be in my home badfic.

Picking a least favorite season is the hardest choice. I will have to admit that I probably haven't watched as many seasons as I should have, being from that universe and all. I'm most familiar with the first four seasons.
Out of Tamers and Frontier, I don't think there is one I dislike all that much. Though if I had to pick, I would have to say Frontier. It is not a bad season per say, but the differences between it and the others seasons tend to be a point of contention from what I have heard.

I'm afraid we didn't quite get to chat last time— something about you being locked up or in danger, yes? I was wondering if we could still compare notes about each other's apocalypse. In fact, let's waste no time and start right now: my series of unfortunate events starts in 2025 with the establishment of the Department of Efficiency. And you?

Oh, it's you again. Um...I'm in a broom cupboard at the moment, and they don't know I stole a computer, yet, so I think I have a minute.

I've never heard of the Department of Efficiency. We only had the Department of Resistance where I come from. It was formed when the Sue invasion took over HQ in...2015? 2016? I can't remember. My head's still fuzzy.

Mary Sue invasion? No, we never dealt with that. But perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to bulk up External Security and Internal Affairs some more... I'll send Tacitus to do it later, then. Time is of the essence.

As for my future... it's complicated. It happened once, in an alternate timeline. Then travellers from that timeline came back and told us of the oncoming civil war. Naturally, it got complicated— efforts to prevent the civil war resulted in an even more insidious and aggressive DoE— and so after that conflict came to an end some close friends came back from the future to prevent the original timeline from being altered. And I'm caught in the middle, trying to make sure that the timeline doesn't revert back to the apocalypse scenario.

So technically, yes: we do exercise some control over the timeline. We just have to play our cards carefully...

What else can you tell me about your invasion? What happened? Was there an occupation?

I don't remember much about the Invasion right now. The doctors tell me I hit my head pretty hard and fell into the fountain. I do remember some things, though; running and hiding, mostly. We never saw them coming. Then we spent years fighting and hiding. Always hiding. We couldn't leave. No way out. We lost so many.

I don't remember you, Gaspard, I'm sorry. I don't know if you were with us, or if you died, or if you... I hope you got out and that you're still out there somewhere. It'd be nice to know that someone got out.

Knowing me, I probably took an RA and ran. I'm not a fighter: heck, I was thrown out of DMS because I chickened out when it came time for my first assassination. Not that I would've made a difference anyways— well, besides being a scrawny meat shield. I'm not good at very many things to be honest. Perhaps my flailing torso blocked a fatal blow to someone more important? That would've been okay with me, I think.

And it does sound like you survived a Suvian occupation. In that case, best of luck with your mission. Our timestreams may be mutually exclusive but I guess we're in the saving-a-doomed-timeline club together. Speaking of which, would you like help with that broom closet? I can arrange for someone from Security come over and shoo away whoever is chasing you.

Everything was fine until you lot started messing about with the timestream. Sure, the Sundering was rough, but so was the Reorganisation, and I don't see you trying to revert that.

Now we've got, what, a dozen mutually-exclusive timelines in existence? It's getting so bad I have to drag Deborah along when I time-travel just to make sure I can get back to my present, not one of your nightmare futures.

Eesh. I need to talk to the Sheaf about setting up some sort of chronology-protection taskforce, this is utterly out of hand.

...but I'm doing my best to make sure the timeline rejoins yours. I'm on your side, honest! But if I stop trying to change the future, the river of time tries to settle into its old bed and force my timestream back into the apocalyptic version of the Sundering. The signs are everywhere— one only has to look. A whisper of time-travellers over here, secret information being passed on there, a promotion to Mansfield's Active Recruitment Division... it's all headed to armageddon unless I actively suppress it.

I'd love to stop, but I can't. I have to carry on— but I find I'm getting more and more tired and numb as the days go by and it's getting harder to concentrate on this. I think I'm not getting enough sleep...

Nikki: My magic is pretty much stable now. In fact, in my last month or so in the PPC the only thing that still happened was the random mermaid transformation - but I'm learning how to control that, too. There have been a couple occasions in which it was actually useful, like that time against Alyxx Heart, so that's the only "alternate" transformation for my magic that I don't want to lose after all.
I still haven't been able to force the costume change into something diffferent than a seashell bra, though. That's annoying.

Sergio: About Card Captor Sakura... Well, neither of us was expecting that. It's a strange feeling.

Nikki: Yeah. In a way, that will let me see how different from Sakura I am... though, to be fair, I'm not very interested in that anymore.

Sergio: We got asked if we could come back in case of a badfic explosion, by the way. We're not doing that, but we might take on some missions as contractors. Not doing anything about that would feel wrong.

The first time I tried my hand at that devilish machine, I forgot to use my "sun's glasses," and Sir Jesse had to keep the Fellowship of the Ring from murdering us for carting off a Sue. Sir Jesse does not know how to use the RA. The second time, I accidentally neuralyzed Jesse, instead. The poor man thought he was one of the Pevensie children.

I have since let him do the neuralyzing.

Also, your "cars," to be brutally honest, are minions of Paragory, and ought rightly to be destroyed.

In all honesty, I am not sure what possessed me to act as I did, especially considering that the Doktor is as prickly as a moonrascal. The Knights of Alleble are not forbidden to marry, but... is it harsh to say that I am not sure I would wish to marry something like a fish? A fish with an accent that I can only barely understand? Oh, bother this whole mess! I fear I have given him the wrong impression about everything. He seems genuinely pleasant--I must make amends with him.

Everything's been tryin' to kill me--have you seen those toaster things? One nearly took my arm off!

~This is Agent Alleb: Jesse shot the toaster. It was not trying to take his arm off. It does, however, burn toast magnificently.~

It nearly took my arm off, Alleb! It's snappier than a surly horse!

~It is not, Sir Jesse. Now kindly return to answering questions.~

Oh, fine! Darn knight. All the tekanalogy is either mean-spirited or possessed by somethin'. The people're weird, too. Still, ain't so bad after a little while. Better than sleepin' on the ground next to a herd of smelly cows.

I had Meganium, obviously, and I remember that at different times I had a Seel, a Vulpix, a Miltank named Canada, the red Gyarados from Lake of Rage, and a Togepi/Togetic. It's safe to say I had at least one of the generic ones--Pidgey, Caterpie, Sentret, et cetera--at various points in time. Sorry I can't answer your question more; Limbo really did a number on my memories.

I'm not sure what a Nuzlocke Challenge is, but I didn't do anything special with my training.

Ix: I... I guess I'd try using Incendio? But Lottie's fast, like, really fast. She'd kill me before I could even draw my wand. Unless you're assuming I have the element of surprise somehow, and in that case, yeah, Incendio.

Charlotte: Easy. I'd just run in and drink her blood. I mean... snap her neck. Yeah. Why would I want to drink her blood, it doesn't smell good or anything...

Honestly, most of them are okay. The Agent, Dis, Fish, and Morgan I don't know all that well, but the Agent and Dis are nice and Fish makes me laugh. Morgan's cool, I guess, but I don't know her as well as I'd like. The Reader and I are friends, of course, so we get on fine.

The Librarian, well. If you'd asked me a few months ago, I would have said the same thing about him as I would the Notary: insufferable. And a few other choice adjectives I probably shouldn't share. He's starting to grow on me, though. Not that I like him or anything. He's just tolerable.

..."And I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve", but that would be demonstrably untrue. coughNotarycough Still. Yeah, I would kind of like to get to know everyone else better, I just don't really know where to start.

... I'm not very good at writing Morgan as anything other than a maudlin drunk unless she has something to do/comment on. But I'm also really really bad at cowriting anything of any length. These two things do not play well together.

I have a cowrite with Lily Winterwood which has been stationary for a year. I have one with Neshomeh which I've written all of one passage for. The three-person cowrite 'Brown Dragonrider of Pern' took three or four years to finish.

I am spectacularly bad at cowriting, I promise you. A Morgan-Ave mission would finish sometime in 2020.

Plortishness isn't really a big enough Thing that I think it needs reviewing into the ground, but... sure? I think you've got my email - and, hah, over here you can just click m'name to find it anyway.

Enjoyed it a lot more than my home continuum, I'll say that much, but... well, if I'm going to be made overpowered as all heck, I might as well take advantage of it, right? It's nice to not have to worry about much of anything hurting me.

Alex: It's going great, actually! I'm still working on building my own--I don't have a lot of time between other projects, but it's coming along--so in the meantime I've been borrowing a training lightsaber. I started off with Shii-Cho, but switched over to Soresu pretty fast after that blaster-wielding Sue broke in that one time...

As for Farilan, she's--well, I don't think I'm supposed to say what I think about her in public. I'll just say I really, really enjoy making her fetch me snacks. Hey, that's one of the best things about being a Techie: getting to do the ordering instead of getting ordered around. Good times, good times.

The Aviator: Yeah, I went there once, with the Guardsman. I don't want to talk about what happened.

As for my parents, there was... Lots of crying. Lots of yelling. Lots of hugging. We've made up since then and I managed to get a few hours off with Alex to spend his birthday at their house. Dad loved getting to see the inside of a TARDIS; he's the one who introduced me to Doctor Who, so it felt right to repay the favor.

I've been trying to read the books because Technician Dives insists it's important I know where I came from, but it's so dreadfully boring and cringeworthy. Why would anyone want to read about human children and Prince Elfangor breaking the law of Seerow's Kindness? And don't get me started on his brother, Aximili. What an absolute disgrace he is.

Thought it would be formative to see your all-and-mighty species indulging in mass slaughter, black-ops for mass slaughter, trying to initiate mass slaughter once your enemy is defeated, and discovering that your culture was nutured from the very start by a nerd possessing some serious powers. I find that telling that Aximili and Elfangor are the best and brightest examples of your species in these books. Including Aldrea of course.

I mean, she only saw that Dak Hamee wasn't some random Hork-Bajiir and discovered with him the little secrets of his homeworld, led with him a successful resistance against the fledgeling Yeerk Empire when your species ignored her for no good reason, letting go your last chance to destroy them without a long war, almost managed to thwart Alloran's efforts in genocide (only bad luck led to this 'almost')...

Like I said, it's telling that your species best members are seen as 'disgraces'. Must be why you needed five human kids to win this war for you.

I can just about stand the first one, even with all the lens flares, but I gave up after the second. I actually wrote down my screed about it for the first one of these mailbox things. I never finished it or tried to refine it, because I'm pretty sure I'd have an aneurysm if I did, but here it is:

I hear all you modern kids and newcomers to this dimension thought it was great. Obviously you're all too green to know the difference between an homage and a ripoff—between fanservice and pandering. Well, pay attention, because I'm here to tell you all the ways you're mixed up. You would basically have to either know nothing about the original Star Trek or simply have lost all capacity to give a shit to enjoy this lazy, recycled assfest of a film.

Where to even begin.

Let's start with how pointless everything is in this film. I'll admit I was intrigued by the opening sequence and the idea of Cowboy Kirk actually receiving consequences for his actions. Kirk loses the Enterprise just before the start of the five-year mission? Interesting! Maybe he'll have to do some honest goddamn work and learn a thing or two before he gets it back. Maybe he'll be less of an idiot in this universe.

Or maybe he'll have to do jack shit and learn nothing because the plot conveniently kills off poor Captain Pike before his time, landing the Enterprise in Kirk's lap again. Pointless.

And then there was the whole rest of the film. There are no meaningful consequences for anything that happens in it. At the end, we're exactly where we were in the beginning: Kirk and crew are all set to go off on the five-year mission, Khan is a popsicle, and the Federation is poised on the brink of war with the Klingon Empire. Whoop-de-doo.

Oh, but we might have discovered a cure for death, though. I guess that happened. Now we don't have to worry about anyone making a meaningful sacrifice ever again! As long as they're mostly intact, they'll be fine!

Y'know why Spock's death had meaning in the original Wrath of Khan? Because we all thought that was the end. We didn't know there was another movie coming after that. That was it. No more Spock. No more Star Trek. His death was symbolic of the end of an era. And he had fucking earned that scene.

Let's talk about earning your moments. This film doesn't.

The reveal of Khan? Well, who the fuck is that? This universe didn't have a "Space Seed" to set the stage and show us why Khan is a big deal. We didn't get a full hour of the Enterprise slowly coming to realize exactly what kind of madman they had on their hands, leading finally to the difficult choice to maroon him on some desolate space rock where he couldn't do any damage. This film just tells us, "Oh, by the way, this is Khan. He's a superhuman from three centuries ago and he's a bad guy, okay?" And we're expected to gasp when we hear his name!

The Kirk death scene? Bullshit. I've already talked about Spock's death out of universe. Let's talk in-universe. By Wrath of Khan, Kirk and Spock had a steadfast friendship going back twenty years or so. They'd worked together, fought together, shared... all right, the tears and laughter weren't exactly shared, but you know what I mean. Shut up. The point is, "I have been and ever shall be your friend" had decades of weight behind it. They each knew exactly what that moment meant to the other.

In Into Darkness, they've known each other for what, a year? Less? I don't know. They're still working things out. NuSpock hasn't even got a chink in his armor for his girlfriend oh God don't even get me started on that, fuck. Anyway. This guy. We're expected to believe he's going to cry for Kirk. Really? Why? Based on what? They don't have a lifetime of friendship and profound shared experiences. They don't even get along that well. All I can think is that they're trying to appeal to the Kirk/Spock slashers in the most blatant and pandering way possible, for which I can only say shame on them. I mean, don't get me wrong, everybody's love is equally none of my business thank you very much, but don't go there unless you mean it. Don't taunt people.

This brings me to the Khan! shout. Not earned. Out of place. Khan didn't kill Kirk, Kirk's idiocy killed Kirk. The Khan! shout in Wrath of Khan happened after a classic villain speech of epic proportions.

And that is where I had to stop or pass out due to hyperventilation.

The trailers for the third movie make me want to resign from the human race. I keep telling myself I won't even watch it, but I know I will anyway. Somebody shoot me.

—Agent Supernumerary

(( Obligatory disclaimer: Nume's opinions are not necessarily those of the management. I do think the trailers for the third film look appalling, though. The don't feel like Star Trek to me at all. ))

I was so happy believing this could never be brought up again. It's kind of embarrassing. ... Oh well.

No, Fey Wine isn't dangerous—well, not exactly. Maybe sort of. It's a very potent aphrodisiac, enough to drive any non-fey to a "sex or die" level of desperation. Pretty much impossible to resist. You should probably be glad it's from an unknown original continuum.

The Incident was that somebody (I don't remember who anymore; might've been one of our ship-happy teenage authors) thought it would be hilarious to slip some into the tea one day in the Lounge. Long story short, that's how I got to know Agent Reria really, really well. And she was nice enough to let me have some of her cool leather clothes afterward, too.

If you REALLY wanna know the whole story, I'll tell you, but first you have to promise not to go spreading it around, okay?

Loathe as I am to ask this... what is the correct form of socialization for a Pernese dragonet? I worry that, given the fact that my standing in the community is about as high as the ankle socks of a particularly small beetle, he is missing out on contact with other dragonets and that this might be affecting him adversely. I can function in graceful solitude; people cannot, in my experience. Rest assured that no other help presented itself, and was generally met with derision or threats of physical violence against my person if I sent another fourteen-page missive concerning Lolus' health, mental state, and dietary preferences. I'm sure you approve.

You don't actually have to worry about that. Impressed fire-lizards are tame, not domesticated; they've lost none of their wild instincts. They're telepathic and they can teleport at will, so they'll find each other when they want to socialize, and they'll be fine. (Speaking of which, I should probably remind everyone to make a decision about spaying/neutering soon. I recommend that owners of blues and greens especially have it done.)

The bad news is, they don't naturally know how to socialize with people. That takes training, with which I am always ready to help.

((Snipped for boredom: general gist is that while the Notary might just about know Thing One about proper fire-lizard care, she doesn't know a lot else, and she's dissembling through verbosity and attached forms.))

... All right, fine, I've mostly either run away or gotten knocked out before I could actually do anything. It's probably better for everyone that way, you know. My hand-eye coordination is awful.

Which foot...? The left, if you really want to know. What the hell kind of question is that?

Oh wait, I don't care, because this whole exercise is stupid.

—Agent Supernumerary

(( Stupid enter key, making me post before I was finished... BTW, Tomash, may I suggest moving the "edited" tag to the other side of the line? On the left, it makes it harder to identify a post's actual position in the thread. ))

-Highlighting.
-Bolding the username, though that might clash with find-the-current-post.
-Changing link or username colour, though frankly that wouldn't stand out to me.
-Larger font, but I suspect that'll mess with the general structure of the place.

I'd be inclined to one of the first two options. What I don't think would work is a tag; there's enough of those already, and I'm pretty much ignoring them at this point. Alarm-flood.

hS

EDIT: I'm leaving the list 'broken' to point out that, well, it's broken. Each -'d point was written on a consecutive line. ~hS

I've grown to rely on my posts remaining "unread" for the purposes of keeping track of things. I miss that here.

Also, a little more space or something to offset the post you're currently reading would be nice. When I look at a post in this thread, my eyes tend to latch onto SeaTurtle's original post before the one I'm trying to read, and I'm guessing it's because of the big white space between the reply/watch/return buttons and the OP content. I'm adjusting slowly, but I thought I'd mention it anyway.

In fact, I believe I have nearly completed it. It really requires field testing to be certain, but I am afraid I am not likely to get the chance, given my partner's distaste for the project from its inception. Not that there isn't an element of practical concern for our safety in his reticence—a concern I share.

I do not know what my next project will be. It would be a shame not to put all that I've learned about electrical engineering to some use, though.

I'll get to work on the baking and then we'll have a party! I kind of missed your tenth anniversary, except I also didn't, because technically I was able to arrive but my partner the Time Grump wasn't, and, um, I think something really funky happened to spacetime and I'll get back to you when I finish the calculations for that, but anyways, I didn't get to give you anything then so I will now! And maybe it'll help you be less of a misery because it kinda-sorta worked on the Time Grouch! =oD

I do okay on missions. I'm DMS-Freelance, with a specialisation in fantasy (what, you thought I worked sci-fi?); the Flowers have developed a liking for keeping me without a partner and sending me in as a solo specialist when other departments need one. I don't like to write up what're really their missions, so I leave it to them.

... which, now I come to look, means there aren't any reports with me in them. I guess all my partners have been of the don't-like-writing variety.

But yeah, I do okay. Haven't gotten myself killed yet, at least. My biggest disaster was probably ducking through a wardrobe at the wrong time and spending sixty-odd years in Narnia before my partner followed me through (long story), but hey, Time Lady, I can cope with that.

Ruby Shipwright Fisherman: I like Red. He's not a grump. That's kind of a rarity among our Time Lords - or Time Lords in general, just look at the Doctor's most recent set of eyebrows!

Tigereye Castellan Morgan: Wouldn't trust her as far as I can throw her.

Citrine Theorist/Onyx Monitor Reader: Our little radical. I hear she's been going through some angst outside the Council, but in my head, she's pretty much the one who'd be most likely to stop being a Time Lord out of dislike for our history.

Jade Warden Librarian: Green is actually really useful if you want to know stuff. When I- this is out of continuity, right? So I'm allowed to say this. When I had my little breakdown and took over the multiverse, I really wanted the Librarian on my side; I think if we'd had him, we wouldn't have failed at the end. He is a grump, though.

Sapphire Watcher Disentangler: Dis is fun. She has no respect for the Council, but, well, you've read about them, right? And when the Notary starts acting up, it's good to have someone on hand to snark about her. I can't (much), due to my role, so... yeah, I like Dis.

Amethyst Keeper Agent: Pink is simultaneously Dis's partner in crime, and her straight man. Also, he doesn't get furious when I call him Pink. I like him.

Spinel Promotor Notary: The Notary is a hateful, Rassilon-loving racist with a cruel streak a mile wide. I can't believe I ever thought she was in any way worth having around.

Moonstone Sentry Aviator: The new kid. The Aviator is pretty quiet at Council meetings most of the time, but when she does talk, she seems to have a sound head on her shoulders. I don't particularly know her as a person, but as a colleague, I have no problems with her.

((I'll highlight that these are Morgan's opinions, not mine. She doesn't particularly socialise with the Ave-Librarian-Reader group, so her opinions aren't too grounded in reality. And she's really angry at the Notary.))

((And yes, fittingly for the race who change their names to The Noun on a semi-regular basis, what she calls people is absolutely significant. ~hS))

How're you doing? Snubbed any interesting species lately? I know a few you could persecute unreasonably without fear of starting a minor war if you're interested.

I may be drunk, but I'm not drunk enough to gossip about my colleagulants with you. Except the Notary, because seriously, the Notary. Have you met her? She's an awful person. I thought she was misunderstood, but NOPE. She's just awful.

Kind of like you. You should get together. She could claim Time Lords are innately superior to someone, you could claim the same someone is irredeemably evil, and then you could make little bigoted babies together. It's be like reality TV, but even worse.

Wait, HQ doesn't have a reality TV show yet. I should talk to the folks at Nutmeg...

((She's drunk, and she's angry at the Notary over this, and to my memory she's not had much contact with the Guardsman since the initial 'all Daleks must be persecuted whatever their circumstances' conversation. If you want actual answers, ask OOC and she'll be happy to give them. _~))

Though I'm not quite sure shere you're pulling the 'racist' from. If it's about that one time ages ago about my opinion on the Daleks, well, you're right. I do despise them. If you were in my boots, you'd hate them too. Aside from that, I'm not laughably one-dimensional as you perceive me to be-- I can be two dimensional too, you know. Not that you'd believe me, though. Just thought I'd put it out there.

As for a potential relationship with the Notary, I'm sure you know by now that we don't see eye to eye. Ask her about the woman in the picture-- and get ready for an endless stream of blackmail.

Also, have you been back to Gallifrey recently? It's springtime in Arcadia and the flowers are out. Over by Yenovar Boulevard there's this wonderful garden and it's filled with everblossoms and asgores. It's quite nice-- you should definitely visit.

-E

((I would do that, but I feel there hasn't been enough interaction between Morgan and Emiran. Please excuse my selfishness :P))

Your big stompy boots, right? Not that I'm going to get into an argument about this, but no-one is saying Daleks in general are safe to be around. But you go around claiming PPC Agents are untrustworthy and evil because of their species. Your ilk are the reason wosserface, the vampire, Selene spends so much time sitting down the bar from me nursing her drink. It's oppersecuminatism. Or something.

I dunno why I'd want to ask the Notary anything. I'm sure you've got some sort of hatemance thing going on, that'd be about par for the course around here. "Raaaar, I hate you, you're under arrest, kiss me you mad fool," that sort of thing.

Haven't been back home. Don't trust the place any more. I'll go back and see my family and look at the flowers and then the Doctor'll jump in and throw everything into E-Space or send it back to Event One or grind it up to make angry Scottish cookies or something. No point. Can't have nice things.

Need a drink. Oh, hey, lookitthat.

((I think I may sober her up before her next reply; she's getting a bit much, and I didn't actually set out to create a morose drunken Time Lady... :-/))

In all seriousness, though, is it really a stretch to believe that people can change opinions over time? I won't say more given the fact that you aren't sober and have a firmly entrenched idea of who I am. Even the best tennis player will lose against a wall, you know.

And what is it with you younglings and seeing romance everywhere? It's absolutely maddening. Apparently you can't have a good old-fashioned grudge anymore. Nowadays there's got to be some sexual tension involved. Do grow up.

Quite frankly, your pessimism at Gallifrey's situation is a bit overboard. From an out-of-continuum perspective, the BBC won't try to pull the 'Time Lords Are Evil!' card out of its hat that soon. Besides, haven't you seen Hell Bent? The Doctor destroyed the old order during his last visit. We have a chance to truly reclaim the Homeworld and impose reforms that will pull us out of the Dark Ages and into a brighter future. Have faith-- we can do this.

... it's really annoying not being able to ask what day it is because you Just Know the answer. Oh well.

I see that I was an utterly awful conversationalist those last few messages; I'm just going to offer a blanket 'sorry' for everything I said there. Moving on? Moving on.

I don't know you. You work in security, which predisposes me to dislike you, but okay, you might be an okay person. I'll keep an open mind about that.

'Younglings'... heh. You know that thing where Legolas says the trees of Fangorn almost make him feel young again, as he hadn't since travelling with "you children"? Yeah, welcome to being a tree. Seriously, why do the Flowers recruit so many young agents? Couldn't they wait until they're 40 or 50 or so and give them time to mature? I dunno. I need a- no, no I don't.

Gallifrey. Gallifrey, Gallifrey, Gallifrey. Did the Doctor throw out the 'old order'? He kicked out Rassilon - which, y'know, might not have been the best idea anyway - but when was the last time Gallifrey had a nice political structure? I grew up around the time of the Sontaran invasion; I don't know what you were up to back then, but I remember very clearly the oppressed underclass we called Outsiders invading the Citadel. I love my planet, but it could be a rotten place if you weren't on the Council itself.

Also... well, do we really want the Time Lords to be active in the universe? I mean, we're not the most stable of races, and with time travel it only takes one nutcase to - oh - murder half of Logopolis and lead to the destruction of half the universe? For example.

I dunno. I just... I don't trust Gallifrey, is the problem. I don't trust it not to die on me, and I don't trust it to be sane towards the rest of reality. I want to go home... but I don't think 'home' ever really existed.

Remember: I'm older than everybody on the Continuity Concil combined-- so show some respect to your elders, please.

Well, not only did the Doctor throw a vengeful Rassilon out into the outer edge of the spacetime continuum, he also shipped the rest of the High Council with him. Now, of course there's no way in hell that is going to come around and bite him in the ass but that's besides the point. A new government will form, probably full of men and women who have witnessed firsthand the War and who will want nothing to do with it. We were never a prolific race, but our numbers were severely affected by the War-- we can't afford to ignore parts of our population anymore. Besides, there were many Outsider military units that distinguished themselves over the course of the conflict: the Dry Lands Fusiliers, the 77th Airborne, and hell-- some of them even made it into the Marines. Their sacrifices won't be forgotten anytime soon. Point is-- I feel we're a lot more unified than before. We'll rise from the ashes and rebuild.

And our new role doesn't have to be active-- if we so much stick our heads out again, we're going to trigger a new Time War. The new government knows that and I doubt they'd strike when we have no desire to fight anymore.

But I suppose I'm biased. I sank three and a half millennia into fighting for the safety of the Homeworld-- I'm not going to let our second chance go to waste.

I don't think I'm drunk enough for that question to make sense. Gimme a minute.

Right, I think I've got this. HQ is an utter nightmare, temporally speaking. The one time I've tried to make a point-to-point TARDIS flight in here, I ended up six years in the past. Even flights out aren't always safe - this one time, we got dumped in an alternate universe where everyone was a Time Lord. Can you imagine, an entire PPC filled with Time Lords? It was horrible. They made me drink tea.

I don't know that any of my idi- colleagues have tried to deliberately time-travel within HQ. It's possible anyone who did has wiped themselves from history; the original Continuity Council proposal included an Opal President and the Onyx Monitor as a separate position, so there's two candidates for you right away. I might be a bit alarmist about this, but I've had my own experience with erased timelines. I wouldn't try to induce one on purpose.

Unless the Notary's listening. In which case, Spinel Promotor, can you pop back to Event One and pick up my coat for me? I think I left it there.

For that matter, you don't need a TARDIS to time-travel in HQ, which might be what you were getting at. It seems like every time there's a party someone from the past drops in. Perhaps alcohol, in addition to being the foundation of economics, also exerts a temporitational field on local space...?

Constance: I don't miss it. You're right, there's a few things I do miss - not having to go shopping, easy access to medications, the social aspects of HQ, being able to choose which of my departments to spend the day on, the occasional 'lull you into a false sense of security' quiet days, the weapons, the-

Dafydd: Er, Connie...

Constance: ... but I don't miss it. Honest. Your turn.

Dafydd: Well... I don't miss the stress, or the hours, or the working conditions and superiors in general. The job itself? I don't miss the brain-melting aspects of it. Or the parts that lead to, e.g., people's hands getting blown up. And I can't tell you how happy I am not to have to feel narrative compression every time I step out of the door.

Oleander: I miss the sweeties!

Constance: ... you weren't in the PPC, Ol.

Oleander: Bu' I want to be in the BBC! I want to.

Dafydd: Not until you're much older, baby boy.

Jasmine: Yeah, Olly. Like me. I'm much older than you.

Oleander: I want to be older than you. I want to.

Tanfin: That's not how being older works, Oleander.

Oleander: But! I! Want! To!

Dafydd: ... Connie? I think we can turn the camera off now.

~

((And writing small children continues to be very easy when you actually have them. Luckily, the 'I want it/You can't have it/But I WANT it' style of argument seems to fade away by age 5... ~hS))

All right. My tendency to think of my race as superior, even in cases where- I mean, even though that's not true, I've tried to make improvements. I don't know for sure how well I've managed, though.

I've not met any of the others you mention, but I've heard that some - not all - Time Lords suffer from the same problem. If either of the pair you mention are unable to break out of the mindset that their species is better than any other, I would hazard that one of them would fit the bill.

Or maybe this is just me being haughty myself, thinking I've done well when I haven't...

I am operating on the assumption that you are curious about "the best kisser" of those agents tied to this particular mailbox. Judging our collective kissing abilities would require a certain level of… experimentation, I suppose. As we have never engaged in this activity, I would have to say

Gremlin, we have discussed this before. I thought that we agreed you would no longer use your electromagnetic manipulation to hijack my online posts.

Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry. But this is a subject I have a little bit of experience in. I've smooched plenty of people, and I'd like to think I'm a pretty good judge of it. No one's ever complained before.

So then you have kissed the agents in question?

Well… no. But I'd like to think that I can leverage my worldly experiences into some very accurate guesses.

I see. On the one hand, I feel I should close out this answer now and leave it as is. That being said, I am curious as to your conclusions. It is a curiosity born of weariness and bile, but it still exists. Go ahead. Lay out your theories.

Cool. First off, there's Laura. I think it's pretty likely that she's never kissed anyone. Not only is she a bigger pain in the rear than me (A remarkable feat in itself.) Hush, you! Not only that, but she's something of a homebody. She only likes people when they've been filtered through something like Skype or a video game chat window. That being said, she doesn't back down from anything. I see her kisses as being inexperienced, quick, but very energetic. Definitely not the best.

Then there's James. I'm pretty sure he used to be married, so obviously he's got something going for him. Plus he's a little older. Probably got plenty of experience under his big leather belt. But that mustache! Personally, I'm not a fan of kissing people with bushy mustaches. It's an acquired taste. His hypothetical kisses would be to the point, maybe a little tender with time, but with a chaser of hair.

Then there's Danny. Heh… you'd probably be better off asking Teyala Solnerii about his skills. I hear she has first hand experience. Lots of first hand experience.

I asked you to put forward your hypotheticals, Gremlin, not engage in water cooler rumormongering.

Fair enough. Cornelius is a no go area. Sure, he can make his light form solid with technology, but that's no fun. Rachel, though, would be the epitome of fun. She's bouncy, she's excitable, and she loves the idea of love itself. I see her being a bit like Laura, all enthusiasm and slight awkwardness. But while Laura would be an angry kisser — I can just see her planting one on some guy before pushing him away and giving him the cyber-finger — Rachel would be a lot of little kisses all in a row, with some cuddling to follow.

Finally, there's Xericka.

No. While this exercise has been an interesting peek into your subconscious, I must draw the line on your speculating about my own abilities.

Well, it isn't exactly speculation. I mean, you and I… uh…

Um…

Okay, I think I'm going to have to leave things there. Xericka's just stood up from her computer and is glaring at me. Like, really glaring.

It was actually kind of a fluke, my getting into Kingdom Hearts. When I first heard about Kingdom Hearts back in 2002, I thought it was a joke. Mixing Disney with Final Fantasy seemed like the dumbest idea I'd ever heard. I certainly wasn't going to waste my allowance on that.

Then, out of the blue, my dad got me the game for my birthday. I never thought to ask why; maybe he thought I'd like the Disney stuff. He never really had a handle on what I saw in video games. I wasn't about to throw it back in my dad's face, so I started playing it.

And that was pretty much that.

It's an awesome series, provided you can wrap your head around the bonkers plot. Don't get me wrong, I love the story, but it's a bit wedged into its own rear. There's still plenty of ways to play it too; old consoles are getting cheap, and there are things like the various Remix titles that package a bunch of the games together.

I am lead to understand that you are of demonic heritage?
Pardon me for my less than orthodox request, but, you wouldn't happen to have a spare sample of your own blood about, would you?
I would be much obliged if you would be so kind as to send one to me.
There is no greater joy than the joy of furthering magical endeavors, after all!

But I'm afraid that will not do - Finch would never allow it, especially not after the last summoning in our response centre.
As a fellow magus, I'm sure you understand - a little bit of consciousness displacement, a small indoors rainstorm, a few loose stoats.
Quite the mess, I will admit.

I shall respect your wish to keep your organs and blood inside yourself. I, myself, have undergone the alternative, and would much rather not attempt it again.

Our correspondence has been pleasant, and I wish you luck in your own magical endeavors!

I forgot to ask you this when we did that Lord of the Rings mission together: How does your magic work? I overheard you mentioning something about Pandemonium when the Ringwraiths showed up, and I know you can't do anything with water, but beyond that...

Also, Chris wants me to ask you whether you want those bottles of Bleeprin and bag of trail mix, since we offed the Sue before it was clear whether she was going to have a change of heart.

The majority of warlock research and knowledge is stored in the archives of the Spiral Labyrinth. And at this point, if I say anythin' more, my geis will activate, so excuse me but I'd rather live for few more centuries. All I can say is, there is space between worlds called "the Void". Pandemonium is a rumored city of demons in the very centre of the Void. I'm a half-demon and I burn a lot of stamina when casting magic. Connect the dots, love.

P.S.: Y'all better brace yourselves. VJ says she's going to your RC to "collect the tribute". DO NOT LET HER TAKE ANYTHIN' ELSE!

Wait a minute, you're part demon? How close are your ties with this 'side of the family'? Closer that you would like I guess, since it seems you're depending on this lineage for your powers. How dangerous does it make them?

And I'm not lookin' forward to it... Luckily, although part-demon, I do posses a soul and therefore Heaven sees me as a human being. That means no Shadowhunters to hunt for me...except those really conservative ones.

((Otherwise I'd be really annoyed by this constantly trying to get the Notary and Lola to meet up before the time is right. As is, I'm just kind of bored by it. So, y'know, if people could refrain from it? I would really appreciate it. Thanks for your cooperation.))

"Don't speak that name in front of me, you maggot. How dare you say that name to me? How DARE you?"

Besides, even if she is, I... I'm not sure I can force myself to give a crap. She's just another Time Lord now. She's not my Tree, and she never will be again, and it wasn't my fault. It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't.

It vas penned by zer maker of mein Biggenbrassenparpenthingen, how could I not be knowink it? Alas, zo, I am not likink it very much. I am much preferrink zer traditional oompah sound, ja? Such as zis, vhich meine kleine Gabrielle ist claimink ist mein theme song. Echt klasse!

Notary, what is your honest opinion of your fellow Continuity Council members? And you're not allowed to use this clip as an answer.

They are renegades. by
Spinel Promotor Notary of the Continuity Council of Gallifrey-in-Exile, DFon 2016-05-06 00:42:36 UTCReply

They've spent their entire adult lives running around pretending to matter; the ConCounOfGaInEx is where they belong. Since Morgan has taken to shooting down every suggestion I put forward that might make our esteemed Council more than a talking-shop and open-plan martini glass - when she's not threatening to shoot me, that is - I am loathe to say that my presence improves it at all, however unquestionably true it may have been before. They are loathsome.

How dare you. by
Spinel Promotor Notary of the Continuity Council of Gallifrey-in-Exile, DFon 2016-05-06 12:08:38 UTCReply

I am not a renegade. I am merely lost, with my TARDIS in need of serious repair. Gallifrey is still my home and I still hold true to the values of both my species and my Lord President. I am Time Lord to the bone. They... mingle.

Though my old pistol is as accurate as may be expected, I'm sure you understand that it is not suitable for every continuum. Why, just last week my partner and I were obliged to exterminate a Suvian in the feudal Japan of the Tales of the Otori, and a flintlock would have been entirely anachronistic. For occasions where melee combat is unavoidable, I have adopted a tactic from someone of whom I have heard many great things and taken to carrying a ball-peen hammer with me; our cover in the field is so often as a workman or artisan of some kind that such a weapon is perfectly innocuous. However, in science-fiction continua, I have been obliged to raid the Commander's gun cabinet, and have developed a particular affinity for the Farscape continuum's pulse weaponry - in particular the mini pulse pistol, a weapon I consider most suitable for covert carrying and use; in modern-dress continua, I favour the cheap and profligate Zastava M70, a pistol of Czech manufacture, as 9mm hardball is still more than enough to give the common-or-garden Suvian lacking in body armour a quite exceptionally bad day.

I trust this is a full answer to your question, and hope that I have not rambled and taken up too much of your time.

Your XCOM rank is a "Field Commander", which google seems to equate to a Field Marshal-- the highest possible military rank attainable. Is that really how the Long War ranks work or is Field Commander just a commissioned officer below the generalship?

In XCOM: Long War, which was the primary continuum my homefic was based off (though I'm technically from the canon Whoniverse), Field Commander is the highest rank for a field officer. You're one step down from the Commander (in my case, Jack O'Neill from Stargate: SG1... yeah, DIC took one look at it and noped on outta there) and are basically their eyes and ears on the ground. They give you that rank in case you run into any obnoxious local-yokels on the ground who think they can boss you around when the plasma starts flying, basically.

However, it is also a question I cannot answer with any degree of precision. I am not familiar enough with other "magical girl" universes. Further, while I might be a mage, I am a soldier first and foremost; I would imagine that I would do better in a universe with a military focus, like the Command and Conquer 'verse, than in one focused on non-mathematical "arcane" magic as, I am told, "magical girl" 'verses tend to be. I can do without magic; I don't believe I'll do well wearing a tuxedo and a mask and hopping from tree to tree.

Thanks for the Notary-induced rant. I appreciate it. Roughly, however: he really doesn't like the Notary, as is obvious, and is a good friend of the Reader. From what I understand he really doesn't understand the Aviator. The rest, well... "they make for interesting specimens and are not too bad as drinking partners". His words, not mine.

Sorry for bringing that up, but it seems when you returned from the mission who led to your cyberizaton, there was a discussion about getting you a more human-like chassis. Why this didn't happen in the end?

The reason I work in the Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha division is twofold: one, it is a place where my abilities are useful; and two, Agent Navare is the only person who did not request a transfer two days after being partnered with me.

((I can picture them trying to pull the smug "well, my people are clearly superior to you primitives" thing on each other. Throw a Time Lord in there and the condescension will probably take physical form))

You actually got him to reminisce. Teach me?
Anyway. The gist of his answer is this — while research takes the lion's share of his time, it's his duties as a librarian that were most formative for him; there is a certain charm in caring for a library that no research can replicate.

I'm a Dresdenverse wizard, or so it seems that's the way I would be called here. Any human practicioner from my 'verse worth its salt will screw up tech. The stronger and less experimented they are, the worst it is. And it leads technology around me to experiment critical failure after critical failure, the more advanced it is the harder. Now I would love to engage in a long and reasonable discussion but I litterally cannot do this right now, and I'm more than irritated that you're remembering me this fact, and I would like to pay your console a visit...

What? That's the gist of your message. Eh, the console would have censured these parts anyways.

I am a single geth unit, upgraded with Reaper code and further enhanced by Commander Wilson Shepard's synthesis with the Crucible. My initial upgrades have permitted me to become a true intelligence and thus utilize a combat platform without the need to network with other geth. The second upgrade has enhanced my sentience, allowing me to fully understand what it means to be an organic.

Emiranlanoamar:

Naya and Terabyte know and so do Arin and Xandria. Out of all of them, Naya took it the hardest, actually. She clung to me for several hours after I had talked to her about it, asking me to resign from the PPC and go back home where I'd be safer. I never thought she'd have this reaction to me— she's always so standoffish.

Tacitus:

I need to be hated. When interacting with a client, I retain a professional attitude; one needs to maintain Madam's good reputation after all. However, any and all who attempt to get too friendly will be dealt with accordingly. Trust only leads to betrayal: it's a slow and insidious process. Nobody came for me back when I needed it the most— why should this time be any different? Why now? Time has taught me that my only worth is as an information broker and an insufferable presence. I know my place and I act like it.

But then I realized that I could be useful. People hate me, avoid me by nature. When I enter a room, they all turn away, form groups, and talk amongst themselves, making sure that I don't get a chance to insert myself in the conversation. They spread rumours about me and slander my name, furthering my isolation. When I sell some highly personal information on someone, they all rush to the "victim" and send them their support and sympathy. And that is good. You see, when I'm around, they band together and cooperate. They are together. I did this. Through my actions, they can have something which I will never know: friendship. Support. Maybe even companionship.

Everyone loves to hate and fight a villain. I just so happen to play the part perfectly.

Now, you're the only one left to ask this question. What do you think about your fellow Time Lords here in HQ? I know you're not part of this Council thing, but surely you have opinions.

The other one. There are nasty rumors about the fact that an agent Chandra, DIA, think that scrapping down HQ's TARDIS for components would be an efficient way of getting them out of the way, and she think that DoSAT would be grateful for that. (Yeah, and ask Daleks for directions is no dangerous...)
Your reaction about this?

What if—and this is just an idea, mind—we let people fly them? I mean, this is HQ we're talking about. Probably the only places that surpass it in terms of people who would want to fly a TARDIS are World One and Gallifrey itself. With an entire Continuity Council of Time Lords running around, plus any agents who learned to fly them during the Macrovirus epidemic, there's bound to be a few agents around willing to act as instructors. Some of them might do it just to get a break from missions. There'd certainly be no shortage of students for them to teach, and we might even get a few agents who decide they want to keep theirs.

Okay, it might be a bit mad to leave a TARDIS in the hands of questionably sane individuals, but considering we already trust them with the disguise generator, the RA, and a multiversal armory...

Now I think about it, does Doctor Who have its own OFU yet? If so, loan a few to them. Show those fanbrats how hard it really is to fly the things. With the right security measures it should no more dangerous than giving students muggle-use wands. Heck, you could even go further with it, give TARDISes to a bunch of OFUs. Need a guaranteed safe haven in case of Mary Sue invasion? Boom, TARDIS.

...I can't actually think of any other uses an OFU would have for a TARDIS, but I'm sure there are at least a few more.

I don't know how many TARDISes we have in HQ, and we probably couldn't save all of them, but at least this way a few of them would get the use they deserve.

Do correct me if any of this is laughably infeasible. I am no more a Time Lord than I am an unfortunate cabbage salesman.

In practice, it's a bit different. See, with the proper training, any person can fly a TARDIS well enough to get from Point A to Point B, but here's something not a lot of people realize about them: they're linked symbiotically to their Time Lord pilots thanks to the funky makeup of the nuclei of our cells, and the TARDIS' briode nebulizers and Rassilon Imprimature. Unless you're a Time Lord, you can't fly a TARDIS properly, and even then pilots tend to stick to one specific TARDIS because they get the best performance with the TARDIS they're linked to. I've had to fly the Doctor's TARDIS a few times on missions and she never responds to me as well as my own does, and that's why.

((The above was extrapolated from a combination of information from The Two Doctors episode and deductive reasoning.))

Using the disguise generator to go Time Lord? Bad idea. Veeery bad idea. It took me months to become comfortable with my new abilities and years to get really used to them. Besides, you need time to really bond with a TARDIS, and a few stints at a time while in a disguise just wouldn't cut it.

As for the Chameleon Arch, that forcibly wipes your memories (and requires you to be a Time Lord to begin with), so that would be less than useless.

My opinions on the members of our favourite little useless-drama club? You asked for it, you got it. Overall, they're a bunch of teens with serious angst issues that sit in a room and do nothing productive during their shouting matches. Y'know, aside from raiding museums and providing a source of antagonism for the HQ Daleks and pretending to be relevant when they did absolutely squat during the time they were active. It's honestly more of a social club with costumes more than anything.

The Fisherman seems like a fun guy. I haven't seen much of him lately but I hear he's a mellow fellow and great company overall. Out of all them, he's the one I'd trust the most— gut feeling. I just don't understand his name, though. Why "Fisherman"...?

Morgan. Oh, Morgan. She's always so angry about something— and that coupled with her drinking habits isn't a good combination. I haven't had much contact with her up until now but she's always struck me as an extremely guarded person with strong feelings. She's the sorta-ringleader of the ConCoun— for reasons I can't understand. I think It's doing more harm than good to her stress levels... and her liver.

I like Xandrialdimansiumar. When she's not busy brooding about something in her past, she's actually a little ray of sunshine. She's smart, collected, and a really good influence over my partner, Naya. The two have a romantic thing going on— they play it off as a huge joke by being overly saccharine when they're around me— but it's actually rather painfully obvious that they do care deeply for each other.

The Librarian. This guy... I don't respect a man who willfully abandons his unit while engaged with the enemy. His condescending attitude and general abrasiveness really doesn't help his cause either. The little I've seen of him in person just confirms that he's really not pleasant company. Apparently he's trying to turn over a new leaf with Arin's help, though. In that case, good luck with that to both of them.

Also, mark my words: if this doesn't turn out to be that situation where the weird, socially awkward boy falls in love with the girl that helped him come out of his shell, I swear to the gods that I will eat my hat.

The Disentangler and the Agent: lumping them together because I never see them apart. I don't really have an opinion on them due to the fact that I've never interacted with them whatsoever. So... moving on.

Antrilovorasilendar, the Notary. You know the Notary, I know the Notary, everyone knows the Notary... and loves to hate her. After all, anyone who makes it their personal mission to interfere with your work after you comment on a picture they carry with them is not right in the head. Now, this hints that she wasn't all bad in the past, sure— but we're dealing with the present now. And Present!Notary is not a good person. At this point I'm tired of her hateful little crusades against anyone who offends her. I just want her to grow out of her "I-hate-everyone" phase and find peace.

Ending on a high note: I like Arin. Apparently she considers me her second father or something— I'm not to sure how to feel about that. On one hand, I don't feel like I've done anything special to deserve her trust but on the other, she's a great kid and I want her to succeed in life.

As for the TARDISes... yeah, Inspector Chandra has been pushing for the decommissioning of the TARDIS fleet. In all honesty, I see the logic behind that. A TARDIS is a living thing too, you know— it needs to travel to stay healthy. Why d'you think the doors opened to Arin when she had her... episode? It was desperate to escape. DoSAT has got a whole room full of them gathering dust and doing nothing. Chances of reactivation are remote too, so... as loathe as I am to put down a TARDIS, this seems to be the humane thing to do. Forgetting about them and keeping them in limbo for all eternity is a hellish fate and the scrap material we can salvage from the TARDIS' innards can be repurposed to upgrade PPC technology.

But it seems pretty harsh for them. Most of them were 'created' because of one major problem, and now we're letting them taking the dust. I feel like killing them then scavenging them would be like a final, despicable, insult to them. Is it really the only way to solve that matter?

...a herd of horses in a dark, airless room. They are almost never fed, have only felt sunlight on the day that they were born, and they have been forgotten by pretty much everyone. Nobody intends to use them-- in fact, nobody knows how to ride a horse anymore.

Don't think I go around killing and scavenging things for fun-- it's with heavy hearts that I realize that these TARDISes will never be used. Instead of condemning them to limbo, we could actually make them useful.

Unless some department-wide order calling for mass TARDIS use comes through, I can't see these TT capsules being used at all.

And like I said, I can see your logic, it's just that... Eh, I'm maybe telling something stupid, but what about smuggling them to Gallifrey? I mean, now it's back, they could be sent there. Or would it be a really bad idea?

Weirdest, I would have to say was the time she turned into a replica of that giant jack-in-the-box from the Prisoner of Azkaban movie. Most interesting? A DeLorean, for sure. How's that for showing up Doc Brown?

Though it seems like both of those are slightly strange options for a disguise. Isn't the whole point of the chameleon circuit to avoid drawing attention? A giant jack-in-the-box and a car famous for time travel aren't exactly inconspicuous.
Then again, a TARDIS probably knows its job better than I do.

Not sure how feasible that meme would be. I mean, there can't be that many time travelers in HQ, right?

I don't own a TARDIS, son. Never did— unless you count my old regiment's Battle TARDIS and that one Type-103 we caught a ride in once. Back in the War, the standard disguise for a TARDIS was a reinforced neosteel bunker with gun ports, several exit hatches, and an entrance to the TARDIS proper. We needed a sturdy and practical design to carry us into the battlefield— something that would protect us as we deployed and provide cover during a fight. Nothing fancy, really: but "fancy" is just that much more likely to break.

As for the humanoid TARDIS... I hated that thing. It's freaky and it talks back to you and it's just full of nope. It made the most awful psychic noise when it died— I still get spooked just thinking about it.

Gaspard:

It's a bit difficult, but I can actually use it without a CMC. The trigger needs two fingers to properly pull on it and the lack of an actual stock and the sheer weight of the Impaler makes it difficult to fire but so long as it's set to three-round burst, I can actually tear those paper targets a new one.

This, of course, means that I'm absolutely incapable of using it in a fight without the CMC. And why would I get into a fight anyways? I'm a dime-a-dozen office drone, not an actual agent.

I suppose I shouldn't have assumed you'd have one just because you're a Time Lord. Though I mostly posed the question to you because you seem to be the most experienced of HQ's Time Lords. Very enlightening nonetheless. Thanks.

Also, humanoid TARDIS? Did I miss something? When was that a thing? I'm confused.

Gaspard, I have to admit I'm curious why you picked the C-14. Seems a bit overkill to use a rifle that in its standard variant requires the use of a combat exoskeleton. Wouldn't something like, say, the MA5B work just as well?

Type-100s and above are humanoid TARDISes. Their Matrix can fully interact with their crew and pilots. Outwardly, they resemble humanoids. The first Type-100 or something was actually one of the Doctor's companions: she was implanted with TARDIS tech and it sort of... grew. Took over her, mutated her, turned her into a half-human, half TARDIS monstrosity. The Time Lords managed to negotiate a... breeding agreement with her and thus the first humanoid TARDISes were born.

Intelligent, cunning, and extremely creepy. 0/10, would not drive again.

Gaspard:

I'm compensating for my tiny and inadequate self-esteem.

Serious answer: a MA5B doesn't shoot 8mm uranium spikes at hypersonic speeds. Plus, I'm a Spy, not an action agent: if I need to defend myself, I'm going to set up an ambush where the odds are stacked in my favour. Otherwise, I keep moving.

I might need to swing by the armoury and pick up... er... a MA5D. Newer model, more bullets, and it even comes with custom finishes too. I just need to figure out where the iron sights are on that thing. The lore says they're hidden but... where? Under the casing? Is there a cover I need to pop off from the weapon computer cowl? Must be it, right...?

I almost want to inquire further, but in the interest of avoiding spoilers (and maintaining my sanity) I think I'll leave it alone for now.

I guess I can understand your logic, Gaspard. There's a distinct appeal to ambush by overwhelming force scenarios.

As for the MA5D, I would think the easiest way to aim with it would be to simply acquire a UNSC helmet link as, if I recall correctly, the sights on most of their rifles are electronic. Failing that, I imagine you would indeed be forced to modify the rifle yourself. Whether that means installing an electronic sight on the rifle screen itself or removing the computer cowl entirely, I have no idea.
Do let me know how it goes, though. I am ever an admirer of the science of dakka.

Honourable discharge from the armed forces, received multiple awards and commendations for 3500 years of exemplary service, turned in my rifle, armour, and laser screwdriver to the Quartermaster, got to meet a survivor or two from the War, found my sister, got disowned by my sister, laid a wreath at the War Memorial for the 442nd, and received a bit of land as per the Veterans' Act. I can now start that garden I always wanted to set up.

So all in all, a pretty fruitful visit. I'm considering retiring in a few years and going back home-- for good this time. I think I've earned the right to some peace and quiet.

Can't do solid foods at the moment: teeth haven't grown back since last mission. Also, the docs think they may have missed a bullet in my chest cavity after the latest "surgery". Nothing serious, though: I can still walk.

Meet me by the TARDIS docks in New Cal, maybe? I know a good bar two steps from there.