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Help? I am not normal.... (TMI)

I often have no interest in sex. Don't get me wrong my husband is GREAT. I enjoy it when we do have sex, but we only do it maybe once a month... if that. What can I do to bring my sex drive back. I see women on here that say they do it everyday!!! We did too when we first got together 8 years ago. Now, I am kinda like ok if we do, we do, if we don't we don't. I miss the intimacy and the love making that has completely dissipated. Please help me figure out what I should do.... Thank You.

Stress can play a big part of not wanting to be intimate. Do you have a lot going on? Also, it's normal to have sex every day when you're first together. Now you have an adult life with adult stress and responsibility. And I think sex is important but a relationship does not revolve around it. (I have read those stories too and I personally can't imagine having time for it every day. But maybe that is because we have tons going on here at home then we have other people pulling at us too so we're just discovering how to connect again and push everyone else away for a while.) If you can, have someone watch your children for a while and go out with your husband. Sometimes that in itself is amazing and makes you want to have sex just because you got to reconnect. We love to do that and get DH's mother to babysit for us at least once a month. Good luck to you.

LOL, you probably don't want this answer. Just make love and forget about the sex. :)

Answer by
Anonymous
at 11:50 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

Go back 8 years and see what is missing. Look at your love making sessions as a reconnection, anticipate, plan, this is what most moms with kids will do. Think of it as a distresser of the day, your time to unwind and enjoy. A lot of times we think we don't want it, but when you are there you enjoy it, so you need to work on getting there, so plan, anticipate, reconnect. You will be a better mom for it.

There's a lot of things that play into loss of sexual drive. You can try to spice things up in the bedroom. Find out what turns you on, what makes you feel sexy and in the mood. Change up your personal style, so that you feel more attractive if that's the case. If it's stress or a change in schedule/habit then figure out what changed and change it back.

OP-Well there are many different changes in our lives... I weigh 60 lbs more than I did when we got together, We have 4 kids now, We are a struggling family of 6 on one small income, he has an interfering ex-wife and 3 other kids (which of course is not new but adds to the stress), he works from sun up till sun down to support us and his other kids which leaves us very little time together.... but there is no way to avoid that!

Answer by
Anonymous
at 12:19 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

I found that the more often I made myself have sex, the more I wanted it. Sometimes you just have to do it. That was what made my sex drive return

i often find my desire for sex fluctuates not only with hormones but with my stress level and satisfaction with my marriage. i can get overly caught up in minutae and forget to just enjoy things (like sex). or if i have a problem with the hubby i'm not being vocal about, that tends to put a damper on it. address things that might be distracting you... on occasion i have told my husband i need him to seduce me to help me out of the funk. men love a challenge :-)