Hi, I'm new to this particular community, but certainly not new to the behavior. I'm 35, female and a seasoned cutter, burner and drinker, amongst other things. Do not ask me for advice on how to hurt yourself. I'm a professional in corporate healthcare now, I left law enforcement/corrections after 7 years now and got fairly good at hiding it then, but since then have stopped the burning and cutting completely since going into corporate healthcare. I still drink and do other self inflicting/harming behavior, but none so deep as the cutting or burning. The reason I'm here is for support, to make sure I dont go back to it....and also to help others. But if you ask me for the wrong kind of advice, I'm going to be an asshole about it...ergo, my username: assholeghost. Duh. ;)

i know the want. the passion. the desire. i want to cut too. i never really have but i wish i could. id get kicked out of my school though. i wish i could. god i do. i want to be with you so that i could help you. all of you. oh please dont leave. stop. i want to get to know you i want to be your friend. we could turn our backs on the world and just be together and talk. i dont want any of you to leave. even though whatever guy and/or girl hurt your soul needs to pay for their crude, unloving, bitchy way they have/are treated/treating you, you cant prove that they are wrong by doing it. you have a purpose here. i know you do if you need to talk text my phone. cell-972.754.2991

i will never leave you guys. i want to cut myself but if i do i know i wont be able to help those who are. i have to go or my parents will get mad. you can email me at radicalowen9@aol.com i check my email daily. or go to my LJ Page. and add me. id love that. :]

sorry, I think i'm gonna delete my account.Ive been taking way too big of risks by posting a public journal and I'm getting the feeling that its gonna bite me in the ass. I'm sorry, i know this is gonna suck for a lot of people. If you want to keep in touch; e-mail me at OrangeFlavoredfairy@Yahoo.com

hi i hope no one minds me adding myself. i want to be called FiN, though its not my name. my real name isnt me. im 21 and SI on my feet becuase its the only place my mum wont look.ive been doing it for so long now that i dont notice the pain when i walk anymore.i dont do it to get back at her or whatever she thinks

i was put on meds when i was 14 because i stopped sleeping and low selfesteem. and they fucked me up. i stopped them about a year agoi felt dead on them.that and the moodswings.im told i could be bi-polarbut if i get tested, i really will have to take meds.

i smile and mum wont make me take them again.at least she cares. more than somepeople got.

i stopped once. and i was doing fine.im hoping to make it this time.but at the min i dont want to.its nice that theres other people out there.FiNps sorry if the spelling sucks

my name is lyss. ive been looking for a community to help with my SI. ive been cutting, "burning" with an eraser, scratching, and wrist banging since i was 15. ive been hospitalized for cutting once back in may of 04. im 19 now and i thought my SI was over. turns out, ive fallen back into it. absolutely no one knows that i still do it. my family and my bf both think that im over it. think that its gone. hell, i thought it was gone for quite some time, but ive been doing it at random moments. and i just cut up my leg earlier in the night. i feel like its coming back really strong and i feel like i need somewhere for some support for it.

i also have anorexia. nobody knows about it, but im sure some people suspect. ive lost 40 pounds in the last 6 months. and im falling really deeply into that too.

so i was just hoping that everyone would be cool with me joining this community. if you've got any questions you'd like to ask, im more than happy to answer them. thanks!

I don't really know if anyone will mind me joining this communityif so, feel free to kick me out, I just want to find people who understand this!its not a fashion statement! its not a deathwish (most of the time), its not for attentionwhy is that so hard to get?let me introduce myself, if I maymy names Lucy and I'm nearly 16, I live in the UKI've got some problems whith self destruction, as far as I can tellI've been self harming in one way or another since I was 8, and recently I've started to obsess about food, I lost 16lbs over xmas somehowI'd really love to make friends from wherever, any age, that have gone/are going through the same thingjust people who won't yell at me when I slip :)thanks for giving enough of a crap to spare your time if you read, I appreciate it x

So it looks to me like I'm developing another coping strategy which is basically an addiction. I just worked eight days in a row. This was my one day off before another three. I love working. Having a day off today was not fun for me. I spent all day until now with a friend. I didn't get anything I wanted to do done. I got one thing I needed to do done. I NEEDED to get a new alarm clock. I wanted to buy some other stuff. All I got to do was go to the bank. Now I'm pissed off irrationally and depressed. I think I'm becoming a workaholic. It's the only place where I feel almost normal. I feel like I have normal social and communication skills most of the time. It's not personal conversation. Most talk is about management or gossip (which I try not to participate in - I wouldn't want to hear everyone else saying and doing that to me). We all have problems, but somehow in that setting, each of our problems seem normal and no one feels really weird or anything. One girl drinks too much. I have OCD. I have many other things as well. OCD is the only one I really talk about though. Some of them know about my ED/suicide/hospital history, but it has never really been disruptive to work. There was the one anxiety attack and really bad day but other than that I actually feel as if I am on an equal with them or something. I don't really know. I just feel really comfortable there. It's pretty much the same story at my other job as well. The talk is much more serious - to do with business and stuff - but I dunno. Basically, I wish I never had days off. I would never have time for friends. That sounds really horrible I know. I hate friendships though. I always have. I get so frustrated and annoyed with the person for no good reason other than "emotional instability". I just LOVE working. Life actually seems livable when I'm working. Days off just make me want to quit; never go back to work; go to the hospital. It's amazing how quickly my emotions can change.

I really didn't mean that to be so long. I wish I could write forever but even writing about it is annoying me. Everything is right now. Fuck.

Sometimes (like right now) life is totally fine and I'm not upset about anything but I get these out of the blue urges to hurt myself. It's not like a passing whim, it's this all consuming need. I've had it go on for litrally two or three days, now I've gotten to where I just give in before it drives me too crazy. I was just wondering if anyone else ever had this happen and what they did about it.

I just joined so I figured I'd tell everyone a little about me. I'm Kat, I'm 16 nearly 17. My self-destructive habits of choice include anorexia, cutting, wrist banging, and smoking. I'm schizophrenic complete with all those fun delusions, hallucinations, mood swings, and psychotic episodes. I can't think of anything else to say at the moment. So I'll just say hey everybody, nice to meet you.

Got a question: If I post my journal entries at friends only, will they show up in my groups and all? Or do I have to keep it public, and if I do, does that risk some people reading it who might get upset...?

Hey, just made a new live journal account (I had deleted the old one in one of my, I'm gonna be better forever! moods). I'm 18 and struggling with food self-destructive urges I guess. Depression Came at 11. Food came at 12. Anorexia at 13. Self-injury and drugs at 14. Bulimia at 15. Mixes until 17, when drugs fixed it all. I got sober 5 months ago, and stopped purging two months ago, now I'm just... struggling. Please check out my sight or something. I'm just looking for people to talk to. I guess you could say I'm lonely and it's pathetic but meh, I have no one I can talk to about being a little crazy without them telling me to stop being so crazy so I'm just looking for some non-judgemental people to chat with.

Im pretty new to this...But im 17, been anorexic since i was about 15, but forced rehap has made me 'better' and how i resent them for it. Depressed and SI since before that, mayb when i was about 15. i hav so many scars and a current one on my stomach is refusin to fade which is gonna make things hell in th summer. anyone know how to make scars fade really quickly? ive also taken so burnin myself now,it doesnt give quite th same release but its easier to hide, altho they take even longer to heal. i just get so depressed its all i wanna do, its th only way i know how to cope with it all. ive been close to cutting too deep several times and most th times i dont mean to, but sometimes i really want it all to just end. cos i cant tell any of my friends how i am, theyr all so happy about how much 'better' i am, but in reality, the only thing im better at is knowing how to hide it all. i need help, but at th same time i guess i dont want it, cos unless someone will make this all stop 4 me, let me b rid of all this at last, i guess im sorta destined to be like this 4 always. i cant see myself ever stoppin, until i end up killin myself because of it all, and that thort scares me so much..x

I don't really know where else to post this and I just need a quick rant. I've been binging or just eating a lot more than I normally would for the past couple of weeks and I've gained five pounds... I was losing all this weight before and feeling really good but something happened and I've been really stressed and now it's like I can't stop eating. I really need to... I can't stand gaining weight and now it's to the point where my stomach hurts really bad because it's stretching and bloated. My entire body hurts. I feel so sick. And it's disturbing me emotionally because I can't stop obsessing with my weight, what I eat, and how gross I look now.

"It" is back. God knows for how long this time. But it's here now. Trying to drive me insane. It would be so easy to just take those pills right now. I know you will all tell me not to and I probably won't, I'm just thinking of how nice that would be. As long as they actually killed me not just made me sick like the Tylenol. Yuck. That feeling has taken up residence again though. I can feel it in my chest. My heart is aching. I'm so tired. No energy to do anything. Just want to lie in bed and never get up or better yet, fall asleep and never wake up. I don't know what to do. If I call my psychiatrist then she'll know that reducing the meds is a mistake. If I go back to the hospital my life will get more fucked up because what happens if someone calls from one of my job interviews. I'll miss the course I'm signed up for too. FUCK. I need a break though. This chaos is getting to me. It's a delicate balance I suppose. Too little and I get bored and think. Too much and I get stressed and (you guessed it) I think. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want someone to talk to. But I don't want people to know because they might give me more Zyprexa again, which makes me fat. AHHHHHHHH.....someone kill me please. Stop the thinking.