Of course it had to happen. The MPreg. Rule 34, in all its aspects, does not lie.

In this story Tom Hiddleston is knocked up by Chris Hemsworth, who played Thor in Thor and Avengers. The two men became good friends on the set of the first movie, and remain so. And as our good Rabid Badger so rightly reminds us, over on the ‘Things you’ve learned from badfic’ thread, if two men are friends, especially if they are both hot, they are the gay.

Quote :

Tom awoke with a light groan and curled in on his nauseous stomache, for the fifth morning in a row he would awaken to the urge to empty everything he had consumed prier.

A great start. There is no ’e’ at the end of stomach. And the word is prior.

Quote :

A thick hand bega stroking his back which he felt grateful for, though he still let out a groan.

I, too am grateful for my back. Without it my head would directly join my arse and that would be a bad thing.

Quote :

"Sleep more, I'll make you something light and tell your director your still not feeling well. I'm also mkaing you a doctor appoitment, no arguments."

Do people actually say, ‘sleep more?’ I mean, I’d say, ‘go back to sleep,’ or something similar. What is a doctor appoitment and how do you go about mkaing it? Why does Tom own a ‘still not feeling well’? So many questions...

He worked him faster and pressed their foreheads together. Chris didn't last long, quickly spilling into Tom's hand. He kissed the older man softly once he recovered. "You didn't have to do that you know."

Yeah, I agree. It adds nothing to the story and belittles Tom's oh-so bad first tri-mester sickness.

Quote :

He gave a soft kiss and before he could do much else Tom had bolted up and ran for the nearest washroom and proceded to vomit.

Again, agreed.

Quote :

Chris gave a worried expression and went to his side, rubbing his back. "Dr. Blake you can come in anytime after lunch. He is free for the rest of the day but won't mind checking you out."

Tom is Dr. Blake now? I am confused.

Quote :

"Thank you darling." He said around the toothbrush, "I'll go in around one then." He spat out the paste and rinsed his mouth out.

‘Ank oo ‘arlin’. I gooin aroo ‘un, ‘en.’ Toothbrush talking. Because this damn silly fic has left me in a damn silly mood.

Quote :

The Austrailian gave his neck a peck and went to start on breakfast.

Who, or what is an Austrailian? Some kind of bird, if the pecking means anything. Tom goes to ‘Dr. Blakes’ office and they do some ‘bloodwork‘, to be ‘completly’ positive what’s wrong.

Quote :

"Mr. Hiddleston? I have the results. I give you my Congradulations, your pregnant."

‘My pregnant what?’ Tom asked.

Quote :

He blinked confused for a moment, "You are joking yes? I am a man, there is no possible way I could be pregnant."

Savour this brief moment of clarity and sanity. Then weep for the lack of a comma after ‘joking‘.

Quote :

Dr. Blake simply smiled and shook his head. "I have done the bloodwork myself three times over and it all came out the same.”

So the physical impossibility doesn’t mean a thing here, stacked up against the blood work. Because the blood work has the last word, dammit!

Quote :

Tom just nodded thinking this had to be some cruel joke.

From a healthcare professional? The ethics of the profession generally do not lead to this kind of stuff being pulled on patients.

Quote :

The doctor let the nurse in and Tom did as instructed and lied on his back with his shirt up.

The male nurse smiled a familure smile to Tom, "There you go, there is your little one. You look about two months along and everything looks normal."

Apart from Tom being a man, of course. Having no womb and all that. I don’t know much about ultra-sound scans, but Google-fu seems to indicate that there would be little or nothing showing at two months.

Quote :

The nurse and Doctor looked to each other smiling, the bearded man shutting the door and the nurse turning off the machine and a green ball of energy shot towards the camera.

The hell? What camera?

Quote :

"Do not fear us mortal," The man shifted into a form Tom was well acustomed to seeing, in a mirror mind you during his shooting as Loki.

I’d think that Tom was used to seeing his face in the mirror at any time. What does he see when he’s not playing Loki? Barney the Dinosaur? Must make it difficult to shave.

Quote :

"Think of this as a gift for bringing us back to the minds of so many humans." He spelled away the gel and patted his stomache.

‘G! E! G.E.L! That’s how you spell gel!’ Sesame Street was brought to you today by Loki, the letters G. E. L. and complete insanity.

Quote :

Thor walked over and patted Tom on the shoulder, "My brother informed me of your wishing to bear a child for your lover, Chris I do believe, and I helped him in getting you close enough to him to use his magic on you. He changed your body chemistry only so you would be able to carry the child without complications.

Tom has a girlfriend. Chris is married with a child. Even if they were gay, Tom wants to have a baby for his lover? Really? And why does Thor saying he helped Loki to get close enough to use his magic just sound really creepy?

Quote :

Of course you will need a cesarean for the removal, but I we will both be the ones to do such."

Yeah, Thor will knock Tom out with his hammer, then Loki will slice Tom open with the blade on his sceptre. Cesarian of the Gods! What are the chances of Tom surviving this pregnancy again?

Quote :

It took a few more moments before it fully registered and began crying in joy.

Crying I believe. In joy? Not so much.

Quote :

Thor held him and rubbed his back while Loki, in a generous mood, stroked his hair.

Is this Loki stroking his own hair, Thor’s hair, or Tom’s hair? You decide!

Quote :

He returned home in very high spirits, texting Chris saying he was fine just needed more rest. He was planning on telling Chris about the baby when both Thor and Loki could come and explain everything with him.

Of course, Tom, now being pregnant, is full of joy. No worries for the future, no health concerns, no career issues. Imma gonna havva babby!?!111! The calm, good sense in ensuring that two demi-gods break the news, and not a doctor, commands respect. How is Chris Hemsworth at believing in impossible things before breakfast again?

Quote :

For now though they needed to return to asguard and said they would return in a months time. Thor even had his pre-natal pills disguised as something for the nausoia.

The realm is called Asgard. Thor is the God of Thunder, not a dispensing pharmacist. The morning sickness, all physical desire to vomit, is called nausea.

Quote :

No sooner had he returned his agent called him, informing him he got the part for Henry IV. He wasn't entirely sure about it now though, he knew he needed to be careful now but he didn't want everyone to know about this miracle.

Yeah, best of luck with that, Tom. Do let us know how that goes, won't you?

Quote :

He told him he'd come by to pick up the script and begin to memorize his lines.

Because naturally a classically trained actor wouldn’t have the complete works of Shakespeare in the house. Or an experienced and sought-after actor want to see a script adaptation before commiting.

Quote :

He had a note saying for him to not be doing anything strenious for the months to follow in case it was needed.

It took a fair few readings before I got that this is a doctor’s note saying that Tom shouldn’t do anything ‘strenuous’, which he’d obtained in case he needed to produce it later. Of course, playing Prince Hal in Henry IV and Henry V, what with the battle of Shrewsbury in the former, and the battle of Agincourt in the latter, will in no way be strenuous to a pregnant man.

Tom and Chris drift apart with work issues and Tom not telling his news. This part goes on a bit with the usual overdone strop and cry routine. Chris even makes Tom a romantic dinner.

Quote :

He made all fo Toms favorites, even had chocolate moose cooling for dessert.

I don’t know whether it’s the fact that the author has managed to spell ’of’ backwards, or the idea of a chilled, brown elk for dessert, that I love more.

They fight, they cry, they wangst, they make it up next day.

Quote :

An hour later Chris got the call and both went into Thor's office.

Thor has an office now? Wait, were Dr. Blake and the male nurse with the ultra-sound actually Thor and Loki? The green ball of energy was them shape shifting? I did wonder where Blake and the nurse vanished to when the gods showed up. I just assumed the gods had appeared in the green mist before. Can Thor shapeshift? I know Loki can. But maybe Thor was just himself with a white coat over his Asgardian robes, masquarading as Dr. Blake. And Tom didn't recognise him, despite him looking just like Chris. Or mistakenly recognising him as Chris.

Sigh. Isn't it sad that I'm putting more thought into snarking this thing than the author put into writing it?

Quote :

Where he and Loki stood, Loki's own stomaache extending his shirt some.

Look, author, your miss-spelling of stomach has got completely out of hand.

Quote :

Tom's eyes widened and hugged him, "You did not say you were also expecting." Loki hugged him back best he could. "I did not see the point of it. I only recently released my glamour and let Thor know."

Chris looked down to his sleeping lover and stroked his hair before feeling the bump covered by Tom's shirt. "I...I do not know what to say, Thank you will never be enough."

Certainly wouldn’t begin to cover it for me.

Quote :

Another month passed and Tom had grown another half an inch when they recieved a call for a press conference on the Avengers. Tom was under doctors orders to no longer act until the child was born. Loki ensuring no questions would be asked by cauing mischief int he Directors family to keep him too busy.

Oughtn’t Tom be distending, rather than growing? You know, it seems pointless to pursue it in such a OoC fiction, but Tom is a very slender man. His pregnancy should be really noticeable quite quickly. I can understand Tom being told not to do stunts whilst in the family way, but not to act? Mind you, his doctor is Thor, so…

In a franchise as expensive as Marvel one, I’d think if Joss Whedon, the director of Avengers, was constantly out of action, the studios would fire and replace him. But I guess Loki is smart and devious enough to put everything off.

Quote :

They were both contemplating telling their friends and family about the newest arrival soon to come and figured this would be the best way.

*awestruck* They figured the best way to break the news that Tom is the only man on Earth to have got pregnant is to announce it as the major, international press conference to launch the Avengers movie?! Whoa. */awestruck*

Quote :

They rode a bus to where they were needed, Chris too worried a plane may hurt the baby, and were the last to arrive at the Hotel they were staying at.

Those planes. Nasty bits of work to kiddies, the lot of them. If you are staying at a hotel, you do not need to arrive. You arrive at a hotel in which you are going to be staying. Hotel doesn’t need capitalisation unless it is part of it’s name, i.e. the Hotel Paris. I know I need to rein in my inner grammar Nazi. In no way am I perfect, or even close to it, but this crap bugs me so.

Quote :

The reactions from their friends were of course confusion but then joy,

Naturally. Everyone loves da babby!

Quote :

Scarlett quickly being the first to hug them and give advice on pregnancies.

Scarlett Johannson: [fraught] ‘You’re a man, Tom! Don’t do it! For the love of Mike, you are going to die!’

Quote :

Which Tom which felt grateful for, there was only so much you could learn from books.

Grammar and spelling, for two.

Quote :

They could not be happier than they were right at this moment.

Just before the shit storm killed their careers and Tom found himself taken away and used as a medical experiment. Just prior to Loki and Thor’s midwifery service turning up to disembowel him.