Donald Trump will start his first job as a government employee on Jan. 20. For human resources professionals working with the White House, this must be an "on-boarding" experience like no other. In case none of their existing boilerplate welcome letters fits for this president-elect, I offer an updated version:

Mr. Trump:

Welcome to the company! We in the Human Resources Department of the United States of America congratulate you on your new job! Your start date is Jan. 20, 2017, and your starting salary will be $400,000 per year as a full-time employee (though we understand that you have opted for the $1/year salary plan; please be sure to complete the appropriate tax forms).

Our role as human resources professionals is to help you succeed. You have a big job ahead as president, and we know it might feel overwhelming. We're here to help you get acclimated and address any concerns you may have regarding your job description: running the free world.

We understand you've already had a few meetings with your new staff as well as the outgoing executive team. Great. They're a terrific bunch, with years — in many cases decades — of experience in running the federal government. We reviewed your file and noticed some gaps in work experience. It appears that, aside from a brief internship of sorts with your father, this is your first job as an employee. We can imagine the anxiety you must feel, and so we are making available our full catalog of 6,452 training videos, which you can access from your desktop computer. We highly recommend you watch them all.

Or would you, on principle, refuse to do it and abandon a profession you cherish?

This is the dilemma that confronts our diplomats. A change in administrations, especially...

But because you have never been an actual employee, we thought it important to introduce you to your 314 million or so new supervisors — your bosses. This will be awkward, and we can explain the math further in our first in-person orientation session, but it's important you know that fewer than half of your new bosses wanted to hire you. More of your new bosses actually wanted to hire another job candidate, but we have a hiring process at this company that dates to its founding more than two centuries ago — and you know how some companies are resistant to change. But we digress …

To get you up to speed for your Jan. 20 start date (that's just about two months, so make time to study!), here is an overview of the people you will be working for. For brevity, we will call them "Americans."

We recognize that you've already connected with many Americans who are much like you — the older-than-65, non-Hispanic white males who did not serve in the military and earn far more than the median household income, $53,482. You no doubt will find comfort surrounding yourself with those like-minded Americans, but we encourage you — for the good of the company and for your own professional success! — to get to know your other bosses, as well, including:

You work for all of these people now, Mr. Trump, and you will have to answer to them. Some are micromanagers, some will ignore you completely. They may make you feel uncomfortable and they can be harsh. But again, we want your first-ever experience as an employee to be a positive one, so we encourage you to work hard for all of them. Your new bosses, the Americans, will provide regular performance evaluations — in the form of local elections and regular communication with you and your colleagues in Washington and in the 50 statehouses.

We've noted your penchant for communicating via Twitter. Social media served you well during the long interview process and helped you get the job. We've seen previous high-level employees stumble with technology, so use it with caution, Mr. Trump. We recommend adopting other regular forms of communication that allow for more than 140 characters at a time, and our internal communications team will be happy to teach you how to use our email server and write professional memos.

We've also noticed some red flags in your record, Mr. Trump, that compel us to recommend extra sexual harassment training. We will review existing federal laws with you regarding workplace conduct and provide links to more training videos for you to watch before your start date. We can't emphasize enough how important this is to your professional development and your own success!

We also will schedule extra training sessions with you to review topics such as: Conflicts of Interest, Foreign Influence, Nepotism and Professional Conduct. Please clear your calendar, as these sessions are lengthy.

Finally, we see that you are not alone in your unfamiliarity with this organization and so your new colleagues will be expected to attend all training sessions as well. We are delivering copies of our employee handbook, referred to as "The Constitution," to all new staff members. We understand you don't read much, Mr. Trump, but we encourage you to at least skim the document and give extra attention to 10 amendments collectively called the "Bill of Rights." We'll have wallet cards made up for the full staff as a reference tool.

Welcome to the team, Mr. Trump. We will organize a coffee and cake social for your staff as soon as our on-boarding process is complete.