Don’t Call Me Baby (NSFR)

I put on the only clean shirt and real bra I had, along with a blue, elephant-clad skirt (everything is elephant-clad in Southeast Asia) I’d bought as a souvenir in Myanmar. I’d brought foundation and one pair of earrings with me on the trip for just this occasion: pick-up night. I had a super nice hotel room; no neighbor to either side of me, a king-sized bed, and a real shower.

Buzzing with excitement and anticipation, I set out for the one bar in town all the tourists seemed to gravitate to, bellied up to the bar, and ordered a whiskey and Red Bull. I expected it to be a long night of looking around and talking to a few people, so when the very handsome gentleman (whom I’d not noticed) next to me said, “That seems like a dangerous drink,” I was thrown into momentary confusion. He had a salt and pepper beard, a beautiful accent, and strong-looking hands. I thanked the universe (I’m sure Bill Nye would find this hilarious and / or annoying) and tried my best not to be an awkward, blubbering American.

We talked for a bit and took our drinks over to squishy mats overlooking a river, where we continued with travel stories, laughter, and one more drink each. When he suggested another, I suggested we go back to mine instead. “You’re a strange fish,” he said, smiling. “Yes,” I said. “I know.” On our way out, he suddenly wrapped his arms around my body from behind me and kissed my neck hungrily; I was a bit taken aback, but far more turned on. He stopped me just outside the bar to kiss me again while onlookers hooted and hollered at us in the street.

I don’t remember the walk home; I remember him pushing me down on the bed as soon as the door was shut behind us, pulling my skirt and panties down, and immediately burying his face in my cunt. I smiled a great big smile and gave him gentle direction, which he happily took. He said I tasted great, and his tongue and fingers felt great. He did have strong hands – he used them to build things, and I could feel their dexterity.

I pulled him on top of me to kiss him, his mouth tasting salty and sweet, his weight perfectly pressing me into my giant mattress. I rolled him over and we sat up; I took his shirt off and softly bit his shoulder. His lovely, olive, smooth, toned shoulder. This is when he looked at me and said, “I’m not going to fuck you tonight.” “Okay,” I replied. “Why?” “I’ve had a few drinks, and…” I unbuttoned his pants and pulled his (indeed flaccid) dick out from his boxer briefs and said, “… and you like having your cock in someone’s mouth even when it’s soft, right?” Of course, he replied, and I playfully licked it for a while before taking it into my mouth. Over the course of a few minutes – wonder of wonders – he became hard, and I continued to go down on him, delighting in feeling his cock grow inside my mouth, his veins now standing out, him now standing up next to the bed.

I have chronic jaw pain, so blow jobs aren’t my favorite thing; that being said, I’d happily be a pillow princess for hours, so I try to be fair. I tried to work him with my hands, but he told me to take them away. Fair – some guys just aren’t into the use of hands as part of blow jobs. If it weren’t a one-night stand, I would tell him about my jaw pain… but I didn’t. I was having fun, and the pain wasn’t too bad, so instead, I said, “You might like this,” and laid on the bed on my back. I hung my head off the side of the bed and leaned it backward so he could slide his cock all the way to the back of my throat; he loved it, and I loved how excited he was. Until:

That stopped me cold. I’m not sure if y’all are aware of this, but I am a grown-ass woman. I am not a child and I’m certainly not an infant. I get that there are people who use this word as a term of endearment – I do too, with people I’ve been dating for months – but when someone I don’t know calls me baby, it instantly feels skeezy and cat call-y.

I kneeled on the bed, my cunt still slippery but my mental boner gone, and whispered into his ear that I wanted to feel him inside of me, thinking I could salvage the moment. He grabbed a condom from the bedside table and rolled it on, but shortly after we started boning, he lost his, too. He said it was the condom; I said that was a bummer, but no condom means no penetrative sex for me. I realize that at this point we could have done a million things; we could have continued playing, kissing, touching each other (touching ourselves). Instead, we opted to sleep and give it another go in the morning.

We did, and it was great. We woke up at 6:00 am and fucked like champs, not saying anything but making the bed (and each other) squeak and groan. We lay in bed for a short time after, chatting quietly, before he kissed me goodbye and stole away into the morning.

A few times the night before, he’d teased me for using “sex educator” language (barrier, STI, etc.), which I think may have been as much a turn-off for him as baby was for me. We were hardly a perfect match, but we still had lots of fun; our communication also wasn’t perfect, and that’s okay.

For me, one-night stands open the doors to sexual partners I’d never date, and that’s why I love them.They are exciting and fun and always interesting, and this grown-ass woman hasn’t regretted a single one.Even when they call me baby.