Posts tagged ‘Jeremy Hunt cock’

Jeremy Hunt has said that the problems with the NHS are ‘unacceptable’, and has offered himself his warmest congratulations for making it so.

The Health Secretary said “I have spent five years helming the good ship NHS, finding iceberg after iceberg to ram, and finally I have managed to tear its hull to pieces. It is letting on water fast, and has finally been upgraded from ‘we’re in trouble’ to ‘oh shit we’re all going to die’.

The bill also gives the Health Secretary the right of ‘jus prima noctis’ throughout the United Kingdom and Commonwealth

A bill passed on Tuesday has given Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt the power to plant high explosives inside every hospital in the country and then detonate them “as and when he deems it necessary or entertaining”.

A Conservative spokesperson said this morning “After Jeremy failed to shut down Lewisham Hospital because the High Court ruled it unlawful, we decided that the best thing to do was change the law.

“It’s worked really well. We think we’re going to do it for everything from now on; it makes our job so much easier. Maybe we’ll even bring in a law that says you have to vote Conservative. That’d be good.”

Hunt’s new powers also include the ability to shut immediately any hospital that has a vowel in its name, and legally enforces