It's been a while and have had a bunch going on. I did end up successfully low carbing from October through January and mostly NO S along with it.
Sadly my younger sister (single mom with 4 school age kids) died over Christmas holidays completely unexpectedly.
As most of you know, this was also our first Christmas without our 17-year old daughter, who passed away in July. Her would-be 18th birthday was this past Saturday which was kind of hard too.

The exciting news is I had a full tummy tuck (and breast lift) on January 30th. After birthing and breastfeeding 6 kids, this has been something I have wanted for a very long time. I am still healing from the surgery, most definitely the most awful, drawn-out pain ever! But I am SO wowed that this is my new stomach when I look down...hello feet!!!

Anyway for this last four weeks, I haven't been able to move too much and have thrown all my eating habits out the window. This has to have been the worst eating I have done EVER. Plus my daily workouts are not allowed for 6 weeks. Now I'm back and ready at my 4 week mark to start holding myself accountable, and I feel relieved to be back with all my fellow No S friends!

I ended up with a few random bites of things today, totally a 'forgetting' thing. A lick off a spoon from ice cream and a bite of Lucky Charms (both from making for the kids) . Still, this was a FAR FAR better day than I've had, and I want to make it official on March 1st. I may just skip doing the Saturday, Sunday this week to really kick things off.

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Tue Mar 06, 2018 6:01 pm; edited 17 times in total

Pretty much a carbon copy of yesterday. I enjoyed yesterday's real meals for a change so I just did it again. I had my usual hard time of making dinner for kids without sampling. There was a spoon lick or two but good enough I'll go green for the first day back.

Ugh. end of day mess up while putting boys snacks together...the caramel popcorn in the Chex sweet mix got me. Boo!

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Fri Mar 02, 2018 1:02 am; edited 3 times in total

Ok I will NOT worry about that first red. Today is a new day. I've been up since 130am (it's 4am now). I have very bad insomnia these days. My brain doesn't seem to ever want to shut up! So eating a protein bar at 2am will have to stretch until lunch today. That will be a huge challenge feeding the kids breakfast without sampling and even harder not snacking on popcorn by 9am.
Update: All meals the same as yesterday, but the Cosco croissants got me a red at the end of the day. Boo, bad start!

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Mon Mar 05, 2018 5:33 pm; edited 1 time in total

Yesterday was green and today I will work for the same goal! I had a Special K quiche with cheese. I am never in the mood for this in the morning (love a sugary bowl of cereal) but it really does help my 10am spike.
I usually get shaky, wanting to snack, and this calorie-light, but protein-dense breakfast always does the trick.
To ensure that I eat this, I put it in a sandwich container, add a slice of American cheese and let it thaw in the fridge overnight. Then I pop it in the microwave for a minute and a half....short enough time I don't reach for the cereal!! It's always good once I start eating it, but if I don't do the pre-prep I will instantly reach for the cereal.
Just a thought to share if you have midmorning munchies.

Yesterday went red at dinnertime. I made every single member of this family something different and ended up sampling a bite of almost everything. I'm great all day and have blown it after 4pm 3 out of 4 days

So let's see what Wednesday brings. I also have major insomnia and make coffee every morning at 2 am and still go to bed at 10. That makes for a long day when I eat my breakfast that early.

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Thu Mar 08, 2018 12:01 am; edited 1 time in total

Welcome back. I am so sorry about your sister, and I know that holidays and birthdays with your daughter's loss must be raw. Be gentle with yourself. Keep feeding yourself good meals._________________I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 168#, BMI 25.9- 11/18/2018

Today went just like the rest of the week...blew it at dinner. And then there was the melting ice cream from the grocery shop, just begging me to take a bite (then two, then a cone, and so on) On a positive note, I am getting through the first half of the day like a champ!

I know it's because I'm getting stressed out at having my sisters' kids over for the weekend. I cater to them nonstop when they're over because I feel so awful for them. I can't comprehend what it would be like to lose my mom as a kid. And then, we looked so much alike that I honestly think it makes it harder for the 6 year old especially. Plus my own kids resent this lack of focus on them and their weekend being disrupted...
Anyway it's just so complicated and that sounds rude.

I started cardio back on Sunday. I break it up into 2 15 minutes because I can't catch my breath, this tummy tuck is like a tight girdle even without the binder! Plus I'm not actually ok'd for it until I go back to dr next week.
I think exercising will get me back into the groove of things.

Okay, let's get ready for the Thursday where I come back and say I got a green! Tomorrow I will get on here and write each meal down and do a little accounting.

Today went just like the rest of the week...blew it at dinner. And then there was the melting ice cream from the grocery shop, just begging me to take a bite (then two, then a cone, and so on) On a positive note, I am getting through the first half of the day like a champ!

You see? There is a small progress, you will soon see the days ending in green

Allisonmeg wrote:

I know it's because I'm getting stressed out at having my sisters' kids over for the weekend. I cater to them nonstop when they're over because I feel so awful for them. I can't comprehend what it would be like to lose my mom as a kid. And then, we looked so much alike that I honestly think it makes it harder for the 6 year old especially. Plus my own kids resent this lack of focus on them and their weekend being disrupted...
Anyway it's just so complicated and that sounds rude.

It is normal for you to stress, do not worry because it sounds rough, your situation is not easy.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister. You've had a tough year. It's good to see you are still hanging in here! I wish you many good things!_________________-Sonya
No Sweets, No Snacks and No Seconds, Except (Sometimes) on days that start with "S".

Hello, hello! Sorry for the delay...just too busy stuffing my face to write all the reds down !
I really don't know what has gotten into me. I have been having a daily
binge for the last week. I mean, a REAL binge...the kind I haven't done in years. The kind that involves pie, cookies, ice cream, whoppers in one sitting. AND involves my biggest personal No S...SNEAKING. If I'm sneaking, I'm up to no good.
I know the only thing I can do is get on here....when I'm writing on the daily check-in, it makes me use my brain, makes me pause before the bite. I will be here accounting tomorrow...I feel better already!!

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Wed Apr 11, 2018 2:47 pm; edited 1 time in total

Given all you have been through for which you have my condolences I think you are doing great, while you have the insomnia I'd be tempted to add in an extra meal to support your body. Imho it's more important to start consistently seeing green days. When you are on track and hopefully sleeping again it will be easy to remove it. It shouldn't be a full blown meal just enough to help see you through the longer day 😀

Good luck

Last edited by Soprano on Sat Jul 28, 2018 4:21 am; edited 1 time in total

Thank you Soprano, what a great suggestion! Now that you say that, I think that is EXACTLY the problem. I get up and stay up every morning from about 2am. I'm ready to eat something during that time and when I do, I then try not to eat anything else until noon....and then either I fail midmorning or hang in there until dinner and gorge myself. What a simple solution!

Today I've been home alone all morning in the house and have been doing well. I did actually eat a small nut bar at around 4 this morning so pretty hungry right now but waiting on a Chick-fil-a lunch date with hubby.

I'm a big herbal tea drinker, but have just discovered unsweetened almond milk to froth in my coffee. What a nice way to feel like a treat at 15 calories...really helps me get through the hump! (I'm excited for my amazon order of BARISTA blend almond milk that really froths) :P

I really really REALLY thought I'd be hopping on here to post a green day. The entire day went perfectly. I was amazed at my saying no to the 4 separate meals I was making for the kids. My daughter had a special request in for French toast/breakfast for dinner (which I haven't made in years).

I ate my dinner before I made theirs. Usually I sample everything they have but don't officially have a meal.

Well as I'm grilling the 2 pieces of French toast (thinking how fattening this was and how I shouldn't be feeding her this for dinner), my 5-year old splits his eyelid open while jumping on the furniture.

Long story short, I burned the french toast, it was time for daughter to get home. I pulled everything out as fast as I could and remade. I ATE the BURNED french toast as fast as I could before she walked in.

Is it just me or is this completely messed up? Why did I do that? It was over faster than I even processed it. It wasn't good (it was totally charred). I have been here over 3 years and I always have to start all the way over. Why can't I just jump into eating 3 meals a day? I'm a professional at this.

Anyway my son's eye looks horrific. It was still bleeding after 3 hours. I ended up gluing it with Liquid Bandage. I'm sure it was stitch-worthy but after his broken arm and 2 surgeries a few months ago, and everything else that has gone on, I am just dealing with this myself.

Upside: I still worked out, I adhered the rest of the day without doing a WTH, and I'm off to take a shower! I am opposite of being discouraged with this mishap. Writing it down, AKA, confessing is a MAJOR relief. Tomorrow is a new day.

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Wed Apr 11, 2018 11:10 pm; edited 4 times in total

It is normal to react with meals to stress situations if we have been doing it for a long time. I would have done the same in your place if I had seen my son like this ... Do not be discouraged, good habits will be established little by little.

In my not particularly well informed opinion, you gave way & ate the toast because when we are under stress, we revert to what we have done in the past. Keep on practising not giving way under stress, and eventually that will become habitual too (or at least a lot easier)._________________Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

Hello new day! I am trying out the protein bar in the middle of the night...I got up at 1:30 am last night and stayed up the rest of the night. I ate two more bars at normal waking hours. Then hubby and I did our Chick-fil-a lunch (which I just get a side salad and bring my own toppings).

So... with this temporary (insomnia) mod that I thank Soprano for suggesting, I'm feeling like this is going to work.

I'm going to go back to my Special K quiche in the mornings. These nut bars, though no sugar and good protein, are tiny and I don't feel at all satiated. That has got to be part of the problem. Of course I bought a giant box at Costco so I feel under some stupid obligation to eat them since no one else likes them.

And yes...I SO hate wasting food. I'm like the garbage disposal around here--I eat all the leftovers on the kids' plates rather than throw away. I even only give the dogs the 'good' stuff, while I eat the scraps!

If I can just get through this afternoon without eating any of the kids' food, I'll be on my way to a green. Hope to call a victory for today.

Update: Fail
did not make it through the kids' meals. Now if I can just get a one day streak lol!

My next plan of attack is to not get up when I wake up at 1 or 2. I will stay there, take an Ambien and do anything but get up.

Well it's not like the food they have is so great. My oldest is 24 and my . youngest is 5, and I've spent all those years reinforcing the habit of just having bites of their stuff as I'm preparing and/or whatever is left over. I most always have a large lunch and am not really all that hungry...so I graze. I've been doing it so long, it just is a hard habit to break.

I did it again today too. I had another great day but ruined it at the end (making an ice cream cone for 8 yr old and then taking quite a few bites myself). At least I'm making baby steps on the first 3/4 of the day.
I am still going to honor the No S on Saturday just to keep practicing until I get it!

Recognising and acknowledging the issue is half the solution. Make yourself a promise that you can have a taste of the kids food if you really want to on the condition that first you stop for 20 seconds and acknowledge that you are going to taste it and enjoy it. Then really taste and savour each bite.

Slowing it down and giving yourself permission to eat takes away the feeling of bingeing. You are in control. I bet over time you will find some of it you actually don't enjoy that much and it will become easier to make a conscious choice to not take a bite, especially as you are developing plenty of good habits.

Last edited by Soprano on Sat Jul 28, 2018 4:23 am; edited 1 time in total

The only reason I'm writing this on here is because I'm eating an ice cream cone as I tell it. Hubby (pilot) is commuting home on early morning flight after all nighter. I just started totally yelling at him on the phone which is just NOT something I normally do. The gist of it being him saying that I don't seem like I'm into him, love him etc. I got extremely defensive and said I do absolutely everything to be a perfect wife and he's lucky. Basically I have checked EVERY box every day of being married for 20+ years and all I hear about are all his friends whose wives are so awful. So he says that I just need to be happy and like watch the freaking birds outside and be happy of nature or whatever. I am furious over this and say that I don't know what he expects when our daughter is DEAD. I am the ultimate failure of a mother when your daughter kills herself. So I don't know where he gets off thinking I should be skipping through meadows just overjoyed that there's a bird in the yard. And I'm sick of him saying I should just be happy. I just AM. That's all I can say. I'm nothing. I don't know what I am. I'm just doing what I'm doing wondering how I'm supposed to raise these last 4 kids when I can't even keep one alive. And so he should be grateful I take care of him EVERY single day and stop criticizing me over every little thing. And that he's one to talk, he's like the unhappiest crabby person ever and has no right telling me to be happy. And I am sick of him telling me how overjoyed he is to look at the blue sky and nature and be happy to be alive... that he's full of bs.

Anyway that's what I blew up and said. And now I have to go pick him up at the airport in 45 minutes. I also just ate another ice cream cone as I wrote that. I pretty much never freak out like that. I really don't know what got into me. And I probably should apologize when he gets in the car, but I know I won't.

It also doesn't help that I pretty much know my sister killed herself too and I think my daughter spurred it on. The autopsy is still pending but she told me she felt exactly like my daughter and if it weren't for her kids, she'd be out of here in a heartbeat. Then when it was 5 month anniversary for my daughter, my sister asked how I was doing and I said pretty good. So I think she took that as, well that's good. My kids can just be sad for 5 months. She was dead 3 days later.

I also have been up since 1 this morning like every other night in the past months, so I'm sure my running on 3 hrs sleep for months is not helping. Thank you for that vent. It's actually my first one.

Alison, I wish I had more wise words to comfort you, but words seem very inadequate right now, so I just wanted to send sympathy. It’s amazing you’re still standing, girl, let alone skipping through meadows watching the birds. You’re showing unbelievable strength....and all with a couple of ice creams for comfort! I can’t imagine the pain you have gone through. 💐

Thank you so so much everyone. I apologize for my outburst, but I do feel a lot better today having gotten that out of my system. I made up with hubby as soon as he got home. I think that may have been the bug making me eat the way I have the last few weeks. I just needed to let it out.

I still got up at 2, had hot tea and a bar, then a plain croissant at 7. This splitting up really does help out while the insomnia is here. Kids are unexpectedly home because of tornado/storms last night.

I am ready to get a green today. I can do it. I will not count calories and just try to make the next 2 meals 'feel' about 500-600.

I'm so OCD about counting calories. Most of my past No S success has been when I let go of this habit. I keep a diet journal in the kitchen and write in it nonstop...I'm putting it away. This sounds easy but I've done it for so long, I feel like I'm on a float in the middle of a lake and can't swim without it . It is a serious crutch.

ok here we go for a succesful day!

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Tue Apr 17, 2018 1:36 pm; edited 1 time in total

Thank you so so much everyone. I apologize for my outburst, but I do feel a lot better today having gotten that out of my system. I made up with hubby as soon as he got home. I think that may have been the bug making me eat the way I have the last few weeks. I just needed to let it out.

I still got up at 2, had hot tea and a bar, then a plain croissant at 7. This splitting up really does help out while the insomnia is here. Kids are unexpectedly home because of tornado/storms last night.

I am ready to get a green today. I can do it. I will not count calories and just try to make the next 2 meals 'feel' about 500-600.

I'm so OCD about counting calories. Most of my past No S success has been when I let go of this habit. I keep a diet journal in the kitchen and write in it nonstop...I'm putting it away. This sounds easy but I've done it for so long, I feel like I'm on a float in the middle of a lake and can't swim. It is a serious crutch.

ok here we go for a succesful day!

So pleased you were able to get it out of your system and make up with hubby.

Burn the journal! You are focusing too much on food, also forget about mentally counting calories. You know what a moderate plate of food looks like.
Concentrate on eating wholesome quality food that you really like and I mean really enjoy the taste of. Not necessarily food you think you like because it is advertised or been forbidden all these years. You might surprise yourself with what you really like

Good luck, I'm rooting for you

Last edited by Soprano on Sat Jul 28, 2018 4:23 am; edited 1 time in total

Hello, and GREEN for me today...woohoo! I was kind of a fuzzy green or maybe a light red yesterday But today, I have nailed it. I even threw a coveted leftover piece of sushi in the TRASH, and have yet to pull a "George Costanza".

Not counting calories seems to be the key of getting No S in action for me. The amount of brain space I'm freeing is amazing. I thought I would have a massive meltdown since counting is pretty much all I do in my head. I don't know if you guys have been like me, but I can literally tell you the calorie count of the most obscure of foods. If there was a game show on calories, I will tell you confidently that no one can beat me!

This has been going on since I became a flight attendant way back in 1989. Back then we had to step on a scale monthly right in front of everyone....

Ohhhh the horrors of seeing a 3 (as in 130) creep up... Ha! If I even came close to a 3 again, I'd be dancing in the streets!

Oolala gave me the most wonderful suggestion. Since I always have trouble not eating the kids' leftovers, I can put them on my own plate to save for later. Isn't that brilliant?!I am definitely trying this out today.

Update: I did do the kid's plate thing and it worked like a champ. There was a gray area where I ate some cauliflower leftovers not on that actual plate.

My first hummingbird of the season just visited!

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:32 pm; edited 1 time in total

Not my original idea. Got it from an article about a doctor who lost who also hated the idea of wasting food. He said that allowed him to have food he really liked again later. He ate anything he wanted, but limited it to a certain number of cups a day. estimating when it's sandwich or somethiing. I thought about it and realized I tend to eat the same number of "cups" of dense food a day. It keeps the calories fairly consistent. I'm sure some of them are higher- and yes, but it seems to balance out. I actually don't WANT to eat heavy food every day anymore. I like feeling lighter._________________Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

I weighed myself yesterday and have gained 11lbs in under two months. This is not water weight or anything I can smooth over. I had the tummy tuck January 30th and have been self-sabotaging myself from about 5 weeks post. I know the numbers, obviously with all my counting. I have been eating/drinking almost 3000 calories a day.

Most of this has come from my discovery and subsequent obsession of lattes. I even think this could be part of (or most all of) my insomnia. I think I'm so excited to get up and have one (and by one, I mean my mug is 30 oz) that I'm
losing sleep over it.

We have had this frothing machine for 3 years sitting on the counter, and I had never even used it until this year. And now I'm consumed with it. My bar and my "coffee" have been my fuel for sleeping 3 hours a night, thus creating a vicious cycle.

So today, I finally made the break. I washed up the Capresso machine, put it away in the basement, dumped all my half and half, almond milk, and coconut milk down the drain. I put my giant coffee cup away. I pulled my favorite old mug back out and got the Coffee-mate down from the top shelf.

We'll see if this makes a huge difference. I am betting it will as I'm already not even excited for morning now!

Also I should mention that in my horror of the scale, I flushed down the new antidepressants my dr. prescribed in February. I don't know if they had a key in this but they are OUT. No worries though...these were an add-on to my usual a/d so I'm not NOT on something!!

I got up at 3 this morning, had a regular sized mug of coffee with coffee-mate. 3am is already much better that 1am. Because it was small I just sat in bed, read my book for a few minutes, and went back to sleep for 3 more hours!!

I also didn't even have breakfast until almost 8:30, another very rare event for me. We went to Starbucks midmorning and I had an almondmilk latte, AS MY S Day treat!

I am generally a bad S day W-T-H-er, but I think I'm onto something here. I am going to make lattes my weekend treat. And next week I'm not getting almondmilk!

I had soup and crackers for lunch. So a very ladylike S day....far better than my N days have been!

My 16 year old has prom so she wants me to pick her up at 11:30 tonight. I'm usually head bobbing by 8:30 so my extra sleep worked out well.

Oh, good God, I just lost it when I cut and pasted the icon from the bottom where they always show up first after I had cut the long post from here. When will I learn to copy, paste, and return to delete! But it was pretty self-involved anyway so probably just as well. Maybe I'll tell the tale again when I have more time on my thread.

I'll write you separately about some of the rest._________________Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

Oolala, thank you, I read the original on the way to church yesterday, and I totally GOT everything you were saying. It must've been your pep talk because for the first time in months, I really got off my butt today. I did heavy duty yard work for at least 3 hours, came in and vacuumed all three floors, moved beds, cleaned stuff out of attic for Goodwill, washed the dogs...On and on, I busted butt like my old self from 8am until after 6 . The whole way through I was thinking of what you said and it really resonated with me. I am so thankful I got that before it got deleted! I'm going to make the most of my new stomach and start putting my heart back into eating three meals a day. I can do it.
S day wise, I didn't do that great, as we went to Krispy Kreme donuts with the hot light on this morning. I got a tea instead of a latte though.

I'm so rooting for you._________________Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

I'm having a tough time getting through this midmorning without snacking. I got up at 3, just had a normal sized coffee, ended up having my oatmeal and half a mini bagel/ cream cheese then.
Now its a long time between meals. I'm not exactly hungry though. I had hot water with a tsp of chicken bullion and pepper to get me over the hump.
I'm ready to start my Habitcal back today...always takes me a couple of weeks to get in that completely pass/fail mode.

Heading out to lunch with hubby at Chickfila to get my favorite southwestern salad with my added avocado.

Dinner was a success only in the fact that I did get a green. However my plate was piled much too high, yet I ate it all and am uncomfortably full.

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:41 pm; edited 2 times in total

Plate piled high is a WIN at this point, no buts! Don't let your inner self think you're always going to raise the bar on the spot. Bait and switch? Resentment! Besides, a looooong morning took willpower and was another feat that day. _________________Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

Ok good then! I'll take a green yesterday because today turned red very early on. I got up at 2am this time. Besides my normal insomnia, dh couldn't sleep because his flight physical was in the morning (he always gets wildly stressed out over it) so we stayed up with tv on.
I made a poor decision by having coffee with these biscotti-like pistachio wafers at 3am. I had them measured out but they still just couldn't take me through to lunch.
I don't even remember what I had, only that I was bargaining that the 8am meal could be lunch and lunch could be dinner. Honestly that pretty much worked, (salad at chickfila but minus the chix, add avocado) but I had some cantaloupe that the boys had left over from dinner.
We're going out for drinks tonight so it's best I don't have an empty stomach from 11am anyway!
In the end, it's some kind of fuzzy red but not an all out WTH kind.

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Wed Apr 25, 2018 7:13 pm; edited 1 time in total

I'm confused. Breakfast was going to be lunch and lunch would be dinner but you were going out for dinner? You ate cantaloupe after the boy's dinner before you were going out?

Are you a vegetarian? Why did you take the chicken out of the salad?

I believe that if you have insomnia that has you awake 20 hours a day, you need to give yourself four eating times a day, but not necessarily evenly spaced. Probably only one should be a full-sized plate- at the time you want most to share food with others. Then besides your main meal, imagine the volume of a decent breakfast and nice lunch and figure out how you could divide the food in three over your remaining awake time. I know it disrupts the regular eating schedule but at this point, the alternatives aren't likely to work, either. It's definitely preferable to making random choices to eat. And going from 3 am to dinner time with only two eating times is for Olympian No Sers.

It may turn out that eventually, you can get through the awake-night hours with nothing but some milky coffee or just warm milk. Or nondairy milk. You get the idea. And even that can evolve, especially if the condition goes on for longer._________________Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

Oh by going out, I meant going up to the bar for a couple of drinks.
Actually I have to drink more often...I slept all night! AND I didn't have breakfast. Not purposely but was on the go early and didn't miss it.

The day is not over but I feel confident in putting a green for today.
I had my usual Chickfila salad for lunch, with chicken this time (and added avocado, peppers, etc). It was pretty massive. And then for dinner I put all sorts of the boys' foods on a plate. I've got chicken enchiladas in the oven now for dd, but am full so I don't see them being a temptation.

I think the milky coffee is the best bet. I really just shouldn't eat when I wake up in the middle of the night. It's not like I'm starving to death. It's just the habit I have of drinking coffee, then eating breakfast. Really I need to just lay there and read and not get up at all.

I had a big mug of unsweetened hot almondmilk with coffee at the 3am wakeup. That worked great. Had oatmeal for breakfast, Chickfila for lunch. Then dinner and turned into a grazing RED dot. My dd had to stay after school and her dinner was later than usual.
My husband had made a fresh avocado/tomato/onion mix which I sampled, the sampled some more. Then pulled the blue tortilla chips out to get the full effect. And since I sampled that, I had to try the leftover Kraft Mac-n-cheese.
It didn't turn into a bingefest or end with sweets, so it was a successful red day

Hi so sorry you’re having sleeping troubles. I’m sure you’ve tried everything but wanted to recommend a magnesium supplement that has worked well for me. It was recommended to me by my Intermittent Fasting group. Supposedly most people do not get nearly enough magnesium and this can cause all sorts of issues from constipation to poor sleep.

I took the magnesium last night. It's part of the calcium supplement I'm supposed to be taking since menopause (which I haven't been doing).
Yesterday wasn't so much of a No S. SHTF this weekend. Marks first time in 20+ years of marriage we've been sleeping in different rooms. I guess it really is true that losing a child is a hard one to stay together through. Food wise I mostly subsided on a handful of nuts here and there. And amazingly my weight was at all time high

Had the best night ever on earth with hubby. Just went to a little hole in the wall bar where there was live music. That's our new summer hunt... finding new places with live music. Last year it was the search for the best burgers.
Anyway this place was wild for us because it was all good old southern country folk. I even bummed a cigarette! Me!! And my husband thought it was cute 😂 I felt like a teenager! I can actually say for the first time in like 2 years, I feel happy today!
No S is going pretty well. I had a small taste of a Bo-berry biscuit, but continuing on course.

Had the best night ever on earth with hubby. Just went to a little hole in the wall bar where there was live music. That's our new summer hunt... finding new places with live music. Last year it was the search for the best burgers.
Anyway this place was wild for us because it was all good old southern country folk. I even bummed a cigarette! Me!! And my husband thought it was cute 😂 I felt like a teenager! I can actually say for the first time in like 2 years, I feel happy today!
No S is going pretty well. I had a small taste of a Bo-berry biscuit, but continuing on course.

So pleased you are feeling happy, long may it continue

Last edited by Soprano on Sat Jul 28, 2018 4:25 am; edited 1 time in total

Still here. My 90-year-old MIL flying in this morning. That means I've been cleaning the house top to bottom in a frenzied mania. Not because she'd care, it just always marks my big spring clean. Even the cars and dogs got a good bath! This is her first time down since my dd and little sis died.

My mom called yesterday and asked not to partake in our Mother's day brunch we had planned for them. She said she's really not feeling chatty since my sister died (and MIL sent her a long letter and will def want to chat).

I also get that, as I have been in the pissiest mood of my life this week too. I usually work out everyday but quit that this week too. My scale is so awful it seems pointless. I haven't crosstitched at all. I I've been doing an easy monthly simple one. I'm on July (1 YR Dd death) and I can't seem to put another stitch in. I think I've hit the
Anger stage. I thought I missed it and didn't even understand the anger parrt.

Even dh, who is so anti anything not from a vitamin shop, has questioned if I should talk to someone. He's rather shocked that I bought wine to drink as I cleaned the house (and didn't even make a move to hide it from him). I told him only if they make phonecalls and insurance covers it.

NO S is usually good until dinner , but then I honestly am close to a binge most everyday. Anyway dreading the next 5 days.

Ok I am doing it today... I am getting a green. I am not settling into this weight. 5 days of company will not deter. And I'm just thinking of today. I will get a green!
I'll just go meal to meal and not think ahead. Already as a start I've been up since 3am and am not eating until a normal hour... Just keep having hot ginger tea.

Yesterday I did well No S'ing for most of the day. In the evening, when dh and mil took son to communion rehearsal, I finally ended my week long workout protest and got a good cardio in.

Then I indulged in my personal No S....SNEAKING.
I got into the white cheddar popcorn and had cup after cup.

Earlier yesterday, my husband commented that I seemed to be eating a lot more food lately. (Honestly I'm thinking, No s**t Sherlock). Also at another point, he touched my tummy and asked if I was constipated!! This was his way of NOT saying how fat I'm getting.

I have never seen my thighs this big (and upper arms) except when I was nine months pregnant. At this point I'm not even sure what to do about this. I will just keep trying to No S until it sticks.

I'm going to be very honest here. This is where I think the problem started and I can't even stand to see this written down. But because I'm THIS consumed with it, this seems like a confession of something that I need to get out.

My tummy tuck/breast lift was 10,000. Literally this is what the dr quoted.

My daughter's life insurance policy payout came in the mail the day before for exactly 10,000. One could say that's uncanny. But now, having had it done, I cannot look at myself without thinking that my (well not now) flat tummy comes at a cost of my daughter being dead.

I just can't help thinking it. I would not look as though I have not had 6 kids had she not died.

Ok I said it. We would be paying for her to be at college now and having my third daughter starting college next year. There's no way I would have been having a tummy tuck EVER... 3 more for college after that.

So yay, I'm relieved to finally say what I know for sure is my problem. Maybe admitting it will get me out of this self-sabatoging behavior.

Yesterday was busy but did go well. I had a piece of communion cake, so a pretty good S day...not gone wild.

Getting used to hosting. Visiting my parents today. One of my sister's kids lives with them now, so I feel especially bad seeing her with no mom for Mother's day. But dh got me an angel bird bath that I'm planting flowers all around. Back to not being mad about frolicking in the yard

Oh I found a new hobby! It's called diamond painting. So easy, but I stayed up until 1am last night working on it. Probably not good since I'm writing this at 4am lol! But I was getting antsy with my lifelong xstitch hobby getting stale. And great because it keeps my hands off food.

I also worked out again, not usually something I have to mention but since I had my lttle pity party and boycotted it for 10 days, it's commendable that I started back on a Friday.

This week I'm putting my habitcal up for the week only and writing down what I eat, good or bad each day. My goal this week is not necessarily to get perfect green dots, but not to binge.

Also if anyone has any good books to help me with this, I'd appreciate any suggestions. I've gotten some good ones from you (oolala esp) in the past, but don't want to search all my old blogs!

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Sun May 13, 2018 9:36 am; edited 4 times in total

Today was interesting in that it was so boring. I loved it! Dh is on a trip in the middle of the week, which never happens. He had to trade trips because our youngest (who is only 2 years apart from our GRANDKIDS, to show my age) is graduating preschool on Sunday. Instead of going shopping or getting on the computer, I came straight home, finished my new OCD, diamond painting, while listening to a great Audible book and watching hummingbirds at the feeder.
I didn't work out, I ordered the kids pizza...totally lazy!
I didn't eat the pizza, I made it through ice cream cones.
It was good but my brain was incessantly thinking about Alyssa and all the what if's. I think I need a good cry or maybe sleep.

Watching hummingbirds, making art, and listening to an Audible book sounds like a great day. I'm sorry that you are feeling the what-if moments right now. Let yourself feel it, then say goodbye to the feeling and wish it well if you can._________________I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 168#, BMI 25.9- 11/18/2018

Going now to look up diamond paintings! My latest ocd habit is educational colouring. As in adult colouring, but using educational materials. I am doing the Geography Colouring Book right now, and finally learning where all those countries of the former USSR actually are!

I LOVE the diamond painting! It's just so easy and relaxing. I went through the coloring as well and have cross stitched for years. This is great because it takes no thought at all!
If you come across them, I'm doing 4 trees, one for each season. It's so cheap too and I have my kids doing them as well.

They just started carrying them at Michael's, called Diamond Dotz.

Here's a link to the trees. I just finished summer and have gotten into winter.

I got a supplement yesterday called Sugar Suppress I do NOT know how I haven't heard of these before. You suck on one for 60 seconds and you literally cannot taste sugar for a few hours. It actually worked. Sugar tasted like sand. Even my coffee with sweetener was muted. So wild. It tastes sort of like a mint and then gets a little gross; ingredient is adigam, which I've never heard of.
I think this could be huge for me when I compulsively eat ice cream, donuts, pie, or whatever dessert that I may be making for kids. Most of my red dot slip ups occur when making an ice cream cone. I have a hard time every single time, it doesn't get old. Now I'm going to pop one when I make!

I love starting off the week with a GREEN ! Very stong green thanks to Altoids. That really helps me signify the end of dinner when I tend to start grazing on kids food. My sugar blocker worked like a champ too when I made melty cookies an cream ice cream cones.

Last edited by Allisonmeg on Sat May 26, 2018 7:42 pm; edited 4 times in total