The Mask You Live In

THE MASK YOU LIVE IN follows boys and young men as they struggle to stay true to themselves while negotiating America's narrow definition of masculinity.

Pressured by the media, their peer group, and even the adults in their lives, our protagonists confront messages encouraging them to disconnect from their emotions, devalue authentic friendships, objectify and degrade women, and resolve conflicts through violence. These gender stereotypes interconnect with race, class, and circumstance, creating a maze of identity issues boys and young men must navigate to become "real" men.

Experts in neuroscience, psychology, sociology, sports, education, and media also weigh in, offering empirical evidence of the "boy crisis" and tactics to combat it. The Mask You Live In ultimately illustrates how we, as a society, can raise a healthier generation of boys and young men.

Comments (39)

jason

Capital Area District Libraries•2 months ago

I am not prejudiced against LGBT.

Karla

Morse Institute Library•2 months ago

I viewed this with my 14YO daughter as part of a homeschool unit on gender (accompanied by Still Killing Us Softly and Killing Us Softly 4). Whether alone or in concert with other materials, this is an outstanding documentary. Importantly, it raises the issue of contempt for women and ...Read more

I viewed this with my 14YO daughter as part of a homeschool unit on gender (accompanied by Still Killing Us Softly and Killing Us Softly 4). Whether alone or in concert with other materials, this is an outstanding documentary. Importantly, it raises the issue of contempt for women and femininity, which is socialized into young men (and young women) from early childhood. When viewed in a larger gender-focused context, the themes of this fine film are reinforced. I commend the film makers and hope it becomes required viewing for both young men and women. My daughter was skeptical about viewing a film about men and boys to discuss what she wanted to focus on - girls and women. However, societal change requires both genders to work together. It also is important to think consciously about how gender norms bind not only women, but men. This film does a good job of highlighting this fact and does so in a way that may allow both genders to think more carefully about this topic.

Let's make one thing clear: There's being a man, and then there's being an asshole and a psycho. Besides, we can all agree that wrong ideas of masculinity is bad for a guy. But if it's as much of a problem as the documentary paints it to be, where are the men's help centers? Where are the ...Read more

Let's make one thing clear: There's being a man, and then there's being an asshole and a psycho. Besides, we can all agree that wrong ideas of masculinity is bad for a guy. But if it's as much of a problem as the documentary paints it to be, where are the men's help centers? Where are the educated people telling us and showing us how to be a real man, in the sense that it won't potentially tear down young boys by misinterpreting it.

Agree that this should been shown at middle school and up and have students write essays on it to reflect deeply on this topic.

Annessa

Northampton Community College•6 months ago

Thank you for making this film. This needs to be played as a prerequisite for coaching, teaching and to parents... this should be something shown in homes as well as outside the home. Removing the "stigma" and the labels for what being male is.. will ripple eternally into the advancement of ...Read more

Thank you for making this film. This needs to be played as a prerequisite for coaching, teaching and to parents... this should be something shown in homes as well as outside the home. Removing the "stigma" and the labels for what being male is.. will ripple eternally into the advancement of our species as humans. Our boys can be who they are intrinsical; our daughters can be elevated to do the same. This needs to happen. I am a proud mother of four children. I do have one son. He is growing up to become himself not what the world dictates for him. I will protect him and advocate for him to remain an individual respecting himself as well as others.

This is really impressive and sincere. I saw myself and other people in my life.

Joseph

University of Nevada - Reno•7 months ago

It's a bit cluttered and messy of a doc, in terms of presentation and pacing, but it is nonetheless worth a watch.

Tim

The New York Public Library•7 months ago

This documentary underscores the damage we do to young male human beings without realizing the cost it exacts in their lives and ultimately in society.This is an insightful and important film and should be shown middle school on up.

Jennifer

Los Angeles Public Library•7 months ago

I want to express my most sincere and deepest gratitude for this beautiful film! Thank You Jennifer Siebel Newsom!!

E

Moreland City Libraries•9 months ago

It's so nice to see men stepping up to be role models for others in their community as well.

Wow. Thanks for the link, as it reveals what a low level Time magazine has dropped to. Their review is written based on the trailer; the reviewer admits to not having watched the documentary. This is truly a case of judging a book by its cover. Feel free to read this half-baked review, but ...Read more

Wow. Thanks for the link, as it reveals what a low level Time magazine has dropped to. Their review is written based on the trailer; the reviewer admits to not having watched the documentary. This is truly a case of judging a book by its cover. Feel free to read this half-baked review, but please watch the documentary and make up your own mind.

What a fantastic and eye-opening doc. This has been on my list for some time, and I wasn't disappointed.

william

The New York Public Library•1 year ago

As a child therapist I recommend this documentary to all parents to watch with their sons and daughters. So many of the kids I counsel are forced to wear this mask or be shamed and denegrated. Kids’ vulnerability needs to be expressed safely in order to be emotionally whole. Our families can ...Read more

As a child therapist I recommend this documentary to all parents to watch with their sons and daughters. So many of the kids I counsel are forced to wear this mask or be shamed and denegrated. Kids’ vulnerability needs to be expressed safely in order to be emotionally whole. Our families can learn from this movie, create emotional safety with vulnerability so that emotions are not experienced as a weakness but instead a strength which fosters self empowerment. It is a gift when boys and men can be real with their feelings and feel understood and respected
Bill Kennard. LCSW

Another piece of modern leftist propaganda . It's sad that this is the material being shown and "taught" in colleges across the country. This documentary does not accomplish anything except showcasing and exploiting peoples personal problems in the name of social justice. It is not solving ...Read more

Another piece of modern leftist propaganda . It's sad that this is the material being shown and "taught" in colleges across the country. This documentary does not accomplish anything except showcasing and exploiting peoples personal problems in the name of social justice. It is not solving any real world problems, only exacerbates them. Not only does this video promote a regressive society, it gives left, social justice warriors an opportunity to point fingers at the media while failing to grasp the true reality of human nature. As a psychology major, it makes me sick that these experts are defending and promoting such insidious propaganda. This documentary's sole purpose is to brainwash young minds into believing that they are somehow oppressed in one of the most free countries in the entire world. There is very little truth in this film, and I believe the only way to rise above any feelings of weakness for men and boys is self-improvement and hard work. Being a victim is not going to change anything. And that is exactly what this documentary promotes.

You cannot deny that masculinity is not a social construct. Read some Michael Kimmel and get back to me.

Brittany

Texas Tech University•1 year ago

So insightful. I have never met my father so in many ways I understand where the guys are coming from. Since I'm a female and it's socially acceptable for me to show my emotions, I'm guessing that's why I did not act out as much because it was okay for me to talk about. Not having someone to ...Read more

So insightful. I have never met my father so in many ways I understand where the guys are coming from. Since I'm a female and it's socially acceptable for me to show my emotions, I'm guessing that's why I did not act out as much because it was okay for me to talk about. Not having someone to talk to is the worst, and educating boys and young men on communication is key.

This documentary was truly insightful in understanding all aspects of the spectrum. By not attempting to point fingers towards who is to blame for many of the societal issues we face today, the film first focuses on the negative mental health consequences of boys being taught to repress their ...Read more

This documentary was truly insightful in understanding all aspects of the spectrum. By not attempting to point fingers towards who is to blame for many of the societal issues we face today, the film first focuses on the negative mental health consequences of boys being taught to repress their feelings at a young age. Then, it undergoes a subtle but soothe transition into explaining how these consequences carry over to how men display their aggression and masculinity by seeing themselves as above women, essentially sexually objectifying them (and thus leading to sexual assault, rape, etc). By highlighting the psychology behind the male gender and explaining the harmful effects stemming from it, the documentary illustrates the opportunity to change the set core values we instill into boys and offers us with a better picture of the future once these changes go into effect. An insightful documentary film covering an extraordinary amount of detail, including personal stories of real people offering their own stories.

I don't like how this film tried to spew the bullshit propaganda of "video games turn people into mass-murders" and I was so pissed when that one so-called "expert" totally dismissed mental illness as a reason why mass shootings happen when that is in fact one of the main causes(the 1984 mass ...Read more

I don't like how this film tried to spew the bullshit propaganda of "video games turn people into mass-murders" and I was so pissed when that one so-called "expert" totally dismissed mental illness as a reason why mass shootings happen when that is in fact one of the main causes(the 1984 mass shooting at a McDonald's happened largely because the person who comitted the murders was unable to check himself into a mental hospital due to lack of room caused by mass closings of mental health facilities all across the countries).

Coming from a couple years in the future, I can say that there have been more mass shootings since your post (including Parkland High School and Las Vegas). It almost goes without saying, but as far as I am aware, all of them have been perpetrated by men/boys, and mental/psychological illness ...Read more

Coming from a couple years in the future, I can say that there have been more mass shootings since your post (including Parkland High School and Las Vegas). It almost goes without saying, but as far as I am aware, all of them have been perpetrated by men/boys, and mental/psychological illness probably lead, in part, to most of slayings as well. You aren't wrong in some of your claims, but the idea that mental illness is an issue that stands separate, and in isolation, from other serious social issues, is at best naive and irresponsible. I could easily make the claim that someone with underlying mental illness being exposed to violent media is a recipe for potential disaster, but I could just as easily point out that mental health is not a genetic guarantee, and can be developed in any stage for a variety of reasons, not the least of which could be the cultural conditioning of repressing feelings and desensitizing to violence.

To your underlying sentiment, I think that I might agree, in so far as the extreme left pushes a feminist narrative that does far more harm than good, through the alienation of a whole gender without promoting real solutions to a 'violent' cultural identity that is so deeply rooted that it is causing almost as much division as democrat vs republican.

I don't disagree with your concern for the lack of funding for mental health in the USA. However, mental health is raised as a problem in the documentary. It goes on to state that less than 50% of men with mental health issues seek help.

I don't disagree with your concern for the lack of funding for mental health in the USA. However, mental health is raised as a problem in the documentary. It goes on to state that less than 50% of men with mental health issues seek help.

What do you think about the comment that visual advertising effects people? Coke wants you to see an image of their product at least once a day because they think that will make you buy more coke. If it works for coke, why wouldn't it work for violence?

My favorite video! I watched this twice for different classes and loved it

Anonymous

University of Central Florida•3 years ago

I'm a girl, and this video almost brought me to tears at least three times because it felt like I could feel what these boys feel. It really shows our counterpart's perspective. Just wow.

Anonymous

University of Central Florida•3 years ago

This was a good video that helps put these issues into a perspective that is easily understood.

Toni

SUNY College - Cortland•3 years ago

This is a documentation that the DOE should mandate students to watch. The social construction, notions, and stories that were introduced in this video were compelling and arousing in a numerous amounts of ways. If we encourage more students to watch this, I'm sure that we can change a ...Read more

This is a documentation that the DOE should mandate students to watch. The social construction, notions, and stories that were introduced in this video were compelling and arousing in a numerous amounts of ways. If we encourage more students to watch this, I'm sure that we can change a nation.

I agree, yet, wouldn't that be utopian ? would't that be too good to be true?

Anonymous

University of Washington•3 years ago

I hope that more people watch this and think about why they do the things they do and break out of these stereotypes.

Anonymous

Gonzaga University•3 years ago

We hear the voices of a wide variety of boys and men struggling to find wholeness.

Anonymous

University of Central Florida•3 years ago

The male side of the film Miss Representation. This is a kind of film all people should watch in order to expand our understanding of one another

Donna

City College of Norwich•3 years ago

I thought it was a brilliant piece of work. It provoked my thoughts and will keep me thinking on this in the future.

Donna

City College of Norwich•3 years ago

Absolutely brilliant piece of documentary. Has really made me think and makes a hell of a lot of sense. Gives me a greater understanding of why the males in my own life behave in the way they do. think I will show them this film. Thanks

Anonymous

St. Paul's School•3 years ago

I could feel and see the problems, the struggles, the doing the best you can with what you have to work with and best of all I could see and feel potential solutions, ways to help, how I and those around me could make a difference. We can work together to make this a better world, a more ...Read more

I could feel and see the problems, the struggles, the doing the best you can with what you have to work with and best of all I could see and feel potential solutions, ways to help, how I and those around me could make a difference. We can work together to make this a better world, a more positive environment by helping touch the lives of people we come in contact in a more positive manner! -

It was the truth spoken, and revealed the pain that a good portion of men feel, but can rarely express.

Anonymous

National Louis University•3 years ago

More anti-male leftwing drivel.

amie

University of Otago•3 years ago

Gives an important insight into the construction of masculinity, with reference to everyday men as well as experts. Not completely based on psychological testing, but provides examples that a wide variety of men can relate to and women can understand. Very accessible!

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