Never Say Never

I'm nineteen years of age. In June 2004 my father passed. He died of alcoholism. My mother lived in California, he lived in Maryland while I lived in Utah with my uncle. Now, needless to say, I wasn't that close to my father. He was a royal pain. A few months before his death I got a DUI at age seventeen. I already had a drinking problem. Eventually I fell into alcoholism and habitual "reefer" use.

Well months went by. I met a great girl and fell in love. She fell in love with an addict, alcoholic, and codependent. Neither of us knew it at the time but I was a ticking bomb. This girl was amazing and extremely successful. She was an inspiration to many. She asked me to quit drinking so I did for her. She asked me to stop the "reefer" so I told her I did (can't give it all up). So I played it off for a few months. I was in love, still am. I slipped, had one beer. But when you're a "hopeless" alcoholic, one leads to
100. That was slip one.

So I said I was sorry, won't do it again. While I would have a few beers and bowls on a regular basis, two more months went by and I slipped again, she caught me. I begged, bought roses and I was forgiven. Now a few more months go by, here comes the codependence. Start manipulating her into whatever I wanted, which is very wrong.

The love of my life goes away to college; I was sad. I don't know what I started thinking now. I hit on her best friend. Talked very crude with her, dirty pictures, the whole shebang. My girlfriend comes home on a surprise visit and hears about this - comes over happy and confronts me. I fess up because I love her but yet I did that because of my mental condition. Well needless to say three strikes and you're out. She left me.

I was sober for 146 days prior to this last event. The day after she left me so did my sobriety. Pathetic! A twelver a night was my support group. Two joints in the morning were my coffee. This goes on for weeks.

The love of my life comes home for a few days again. She doesn't want to talk to me. She hears of what I'm doing. Still loving me, is upset that I fell into again. (To let the reader know I have two days sobriety as I'm writing this.) Since I was twelve, 146 days of straight sobriety was the longest I've ever had.

Well now, I see the pain I cause to the people that love me. And it hurts. I've dedicated my life to sobriety, fixing my codependencies in my realm.

The moral is don't lie to yourself or ones you love, nothing good will come out of it. Someone will get hurt, most likely won't be you but someone you love. Never too young to be an addict. Never say Never.