The Official Dream Celebrity Squad Roster

Lately I’ve come to the realization that I follow a lot of celebrities on Instagram. Like, a lot. I’m talking around 200 “celebs” anywhere from D-list reality stars, down to travel bloggers. I follow so many of these people that sometimes I forget I actually don’t know them despite knowing little details of their lives, like what vegan salad they decided to eat that day.

So that got me to thinking — out of all of these people, who would I want to actually be friends with? So I begrudgingly took to Taylor Swift’s masterfully thought out squad selections, and dissected it. Yes I know what you’re thinking. “Didn’t that music video come out almost a year ago? Aren’t you a little late to this party?” Yes, yes I am. But her squad equation is dynamic and the time is now to create a squad 2.0. I’ve created what I believe, could be the most dynamic, groundbreaking, bad-ass group of ladies that could ever exist.

The Sultry Brunette Songstress

A photo posted by Selena Gomez (@selenagomez) on May 16, 2015 at 12:48pm PDT

Loves to sing, dance, and do a little acting on the side. I love Selena, but I could see her constant on-again, off-again relationship putting strains on our friendship. Is she actually sick of that same old love? I’m not so convinced.

A photo posted by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on Sep 29, 2015 at 9:19pm PDT

Loves to sing, pats pussy onstage, and does a little acting on the side. Rihanna is a certified bad bitch. Could pull you out whatever rut you’ve fallen into, probably by slapping some sense into you and telling you to pull yourself together. No way she wouldn’t be a good time. Did you see the Bitch Better Have My Money video? She even showed the girl she kidnapped with the intent of murdering the time of her life. Plus, Drake.

The Politically Active Comedienne

A photo posted by Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) on May 10, 2015 at 2:58pm PDT

Would empower you as a women, and make you feel unstoppable. Between acting on Girls, and running the very successful “Lenny’s Letter,” Lena would keep you inspired. Strikes me as the type that is always in the nude, even when she’s at your house. Could be a problem with roommates and unexpected guests. With her short hair and usual fresh face, chances are she gets ready in five minutes. That’s a major clash with my hour and a half to two hour “get ready” routine.

Knows how to roll with the punches, and would verbally (and probably physically) knockout anyone who tried to mess you. The best wing woman ever, but you wouldn’t even have to worry about dudes. You’d be having too much fun laughing over embarrassing hookup stories, you’d forget about everyone else in the room. Would also keep you up to date on current political events, as she kicks ass and takes names public speaking on gun control.

The Model Turned Actress

A photo posted by Cara Delevingne (@caradelevingne) on May 15, 2015 at 1:10pm PDT

Funny, talented at everything, extremely gorgeous, eyebrows never not on fleek. Plus, she has an accent. I consider myself to have a decent self-esteem, but I don’t think I could last five minutes around Cara without wanting to run home and cry into a diary. Some girls just have it all. I just can’t be friends with them.

A photo posted by Brooklyn Decker (@brooklyndecker) on May 12, 2015 at 9:26pm PDT

Extremely similar to Cara. Loves to poke fun at herself. Raised a substantial amount of money for Haiti by proudly selling t-shirts with a photo of her picking her nose printed on the front. Would scare off creeps hitting on you with a goofy face, or a joke about bodily functions. Unlike Cara, she lives in #TheBurbs, and would be your go-to gal for wine night while everyone rages elsewhere.

The Actress With Pipes

A photo posted by hailee steinfeld (@haileesteinfeld) on May 10, 2015 at 10:18am PDT

Introduced herself to the world in Pitch Perfect II, then threw us off guard when she released her hit debut single about private lady time. Continues to have great brows, still on the fence about her personality due to lack of exposure.

A photo posted by Anna Kendrick (@annakendrick47) on May 8, 2015 at 10:13pm PDT

Similarly, we got to know her in Pitch Perfect. Might be one of the most clever, witty, and hilarious humans alive. Has a great singing voice that’s perfect for helping you struggle through that karaoke song you signed the two of you up for.

The Under-Appreciated TV Starlet

Stars in the oh-so-popular Fox series, Empire. Arguably the least known squad member. Don’t really know much about what she may bring to the table. Goes by one name. Could get confusing when you run into all the other Serayahs you know.

Stars in the oh-so-popular ABC series, How To Get Away With Murder. Arguably the most crucial character in this season, although some still see her as a supporting character. She’s bilingual. Potentially brings a lot of sass and tell-it-like-it-is to the squad. Would have hella spoilers ready if you wanted them.

The Global Supermodel

A photo posted by Gigi Hadid (@gigihadid) on May 9, 2015 at 6:23am PDT

A certified music video hoe. Made the mistake of a lifetime leaving the complete package Joe Jonas, for pretty boy Zayn. Would probably snatch your man in five seconds. Would be spotted moving her stuff into his place before you could even lock the door behind you.

Queen of the universe. Would definitely be able to help you get over your ex. You’d both be crying one minute, and then laughing about how you’re better off the next. Didn’t break real-life teddy bear, Ed Sheeran’s heart. 🙂

Wore a mullet to a red carpet recently. Is almost too cool. Most likely maintains her tall, lanky model body by not working out and eating junk food. Will never understand why everyone else has to wear high waisted shorts when going to the beach.

Extremely well spoken. Got a breast reduction, and doesn’t care what you haters have to say. Could make you feel beautiful on the worst of hair days. Most likely understands the high wasted shorts solution.

Eats a lot of bread. Is a badass who wears crop tops while pregnant. She would be down to do whatever, like take a spontaneous road trip, or make juvenile prank calls. You’d forget this normal person poses half names on magazine covers for a living.

Was Hermoine?!?!?! Fighting for gender equality like a boss. Looks like the type to send you daily encouraging good morning texts that brighten your whole damn day, or leave cute sticky notes for you to find later after she leaves your house.

The LA Mommy

A photo posted by Jessica Alba (@jessicaalba) on May 13, 2015 at 2:09pm PDT

Manages to keep her house meticulously clean despite having kids. She would probably say “I’m so bad” after eating a cupcake. Thinks that smoothies are a meal even though we all know that’s the biggest lie known to mankind.

America’s unspoken sweetheart. Would never get into any sort of feuds with your other friends despite being taunted (cough cough Lindsay Lohan) to argue. Her closet would be a treasure trove of great finds that you could actually fit into. She’d know something was wrong before you could even tell her.

Would take as many selfies as it took until you got the one you liked. Has the special ability to be able to jump from one friend group to the next. Could fool your family into thinking she’s a perfect angel while secretly being the bad influence.

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Rachel enjoys spending her time thinking about Britney Spears, whining about being single, and thinking about Britney Spears. She doesn't take to criticism well, so be nice or so she will cry herself to sleep! Email: rpage@grandex.co