Ken Gurnick Is The Trolliest Of Trolls

{Jack Morris, left, and Barry Bonds are just two reasons why the HOF voting process is a burnt pancake}

Try this one on for size: what if someone said to you that Jack Morris was a better pitcher than Greg Maddux? How much and how long would you laugh at that question before you answered it and possibly never spoke to that person again? Well, that’s exactly what Ken Gurnick has done with his Hall Of Fame vote, writing in Jack Morris as his only candidate for the HOF and ruining Maddux’s chances at a unanimous selection.

Gurnick, who 99.9% of baseball fans had never heard of before today, voted for one person – Jack Morris. That’s it. And Gurnick did the same weaselly thing last year too. Morris, in his 15th – and last – year of eligibility, had done nothing new to gain entrance into the Baseball Hall Of Fame. Instead, he woke up today just like every other day over the past 14 years and, I assume, ate breakfast or shook off a hangover. And for Maddux, he did nothing over the past year to lose Gurnick’s vote, except for play at a time when steroids were prevalent. To that point, wouldn’t a dominant pitcher with great stuff and not overpowering speed be even more of a dominant pitcher facing lineups chock-full of ‘roided up individuals? The world cannot collectively be taking crazy pills here, Mr. Gurnick. You are not the only person to know what the fox said before the Ylvis song told us what it said. No, this is an error on your part. And because of this, you should lose your voting privileges. And if you don’t revoke it yourself, the Baseball Writer’s Associations of America should do it for you.

The way the voting has gone in recent years for the Baseball Hall Of Fame is a surefire example of its dwindling relationship with reality. Essentially, the process has spun out of control into a bunch of Moose Lodge members voting on the next Grand Elk Master. It’s a bunch of old and new farts stroking their own egos with their individual baseball ideologies. Mr. Gurnick could not have given us a clearer example as to why this system needs to be revamped.

For one, it’s ridiculous to think the hitter with the most MVPs (Barry Bonds) and pitcher with the most Cy Youngs (Roger Clemens) are not in the Hall Of Fame, and are more than eligible to be. This is where I mention these awards are voted on by the…BBWAA. How hypocritical is that? I understand the accusations (for some) and undeniable proof (for others) of steroid usage, but if you give them the MVP, why not give them this? Is this retribution for voting for Bonds then, being tricked by the guy who was probably going to be a HOF’er anyway? This is not Mean Girls. You lose your vote.

Other problems that exist with the system are capping votes at ten. What if there are eleven candidates you feel are eligible of being in the Hall? Also, what did Jack Morris do differently this year compared to last year? Or 2000 for that matter, when he was first eligible? I will tell you – absolutely and resoundingly NOTHING! To make matters even nuttier, there are also blog sites buying writers votes so they can make the vote for them. It is complete anarchy on the streets of Cooperstown and President Skroob is running the show. Blow the process up. Burn it down. Do whatever you need to do to change the system. If Hunter S. Thompson were alive he’d tell you to do the same, but with a Richard Nixon mask on and the strong smell of rum and pills.

The Hall Of Fame is quickly getting turned into a mockery, thanks in large part to the steroids era, but also because of jerk writers like Ken Gurnick. For the life of me, I cannot understand his decision-making process. It’s comparable to those individuals who think Scientology is for real and Battlefield Earth will happen in the future. Or, individuals who tell me my ancestors used the tail of a Brontosaurus as a slide on the playground (whether that dino existed or not). No, I don’t believe in ghosts. Aliens do not exist. Dogs can look up. Richard Gere may love gerbils, but not that much. And Jack Morris is not a better pitcher than Greg Maddux. Regardless of the minute possibility that Gurnick falls in all or none of the above categories (yes, he probably did this for the attention), he still should lose his vote – whether he believes Marilyn Manson was Paul Pfeiffer on the Wonder Years or not.