AUSTIN, TX--Researchers today announced that Danica Patrick, TV personality and NASCAR racer, is not as hot when standing next to other hot chicks. “Our research indicates that Miss Patrick is only attractive when she’s standing next to other race car drivers,” said Dr. Richard Montross of the University of Texas, who spearheaded the study. “In the company of other beautiful women, such as professional models and actresses, she is merely a cute, tomboyish chick who would never make the cover of, say, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue without several thousand layers of photoshopping. Speaking of which, those Godaddy ads are so touched up it looks like there’s a wool blanket over the lens.” Despite the study, Dr. Montross indicated he would bang Miss Patrick six ways to Sunday.