Milk advertising then and now: Taylor Swift in a “Got Milk?” ad, and… and… I don’t even know what this is now.(According to reliable sources, Swift is already working on a song about being dumped by the milk industry.)

Many of you probably remember the famous “Got Milk?” ads, featuring celebrities with a milk mustache. But this week, the milk producers have announced that they will end the “Got Milk” advertising campaign, since, apparently, this campaign hasn’t been working that well in recently, and less and less milk has been sold every year. In fact, milk’s market share has decreased so much that its picture has began appearing on the milk cartons. The industry is working on new slogans to improve milk’s image, and I’ve decided to help them in this difficult task. Here are 10 suggested advertising slogans for milk.

10) Time to buy a new carton, because the one in your fridge is probably expired. (And no, we don’t know whether you’re supposed to recycle the empty carton or throw it out, either.)

Disclaimer:Cookies not included. For internal use only. Do not drink warm milk and operate heavy machinery. If wings made of milk start growing on your back, stop using the product and consult a physician immediately.

And since we’re on the subject of health, advertising, and helping others, might as well get serious for a minute… A fellow blogger, Merbear74 of Knocked Over By a Feather, has been suffering from fibromyalgia, and recently her condition had become so bad that she has been unable to work, and may lose her home to unpaid taxes. Go here for her full story and the information how to donate, or just spread the word, if you can.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events.
(* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.)
Blogging at listofx.com

150 Responses to 10 New Advertising Slogans For Milk

Not really directly connected to the post, but on reading at I am reminded of a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon strip where Calvin is wondering about who that first guy was who looked at this creature and said I am going to drink whatever comes out by squeezing a part of its anatomy.

I never eat olives, cured or uncured, so I can’t comment on that. And not yogurt.
But I think yogurt kind of makes sense – someone left milk out, a right bacteria accidentally got in, and that someone decided that he (99% a he) shouldn’t let a “slightly” bad milk to go to waste. Of course, there probably were hundreds of cases of poisoning when the same story happened with the wrong bacteria.

Or maybe someone tried to commit suicide by eating “spoiled milk”, and then discovered that’s actually not that bad (but may benefit from a granola bar)
Just 200 years ago, someone in New Jersey tried to kill himself by eating tomatoes.

You’ve outdone yourself. These are all excellent, workable substitutes. Are you in advertising? You should be.

Taylor Swift sells milk AND coke. There’s a big billboard of her in Times Square holding a guitar (as above) next to giant Coke logo. Does she need the cash? Is it just too easy and irresistible to turn down.

Taylor Swift’s does ads for Coke, too? This must be a part of Coke’s new “Sweet and bubbly” campaign.
Thanks, and no, I’m not in advertising. But you could probably tell that just by looking at the ridiculously low count of my Twitter followers.

I think I can top that. I don’t HAVE a Twitter account. Or a Facebook page. I assume the audience for both would be minuscule, as it is currently for my blog. To me, that would be adding insult to injury. Why exacerbate the deficiencies in my life?

I have both. I mainly use Twitter to post stuff that I can’t expand into a full-fledged list of 10. And there are some entertaining people there too. But I don’t have kids, don’t photograph food, and don’t post my vacation pictures, so I’m not sure what I need Facebook for.

Wow, I just looked at your number of followers, and I’m shocked. I thought you had at least a few hundred judging by the number of comments you get. In fact, you get more comment action than some blogs with 50x or 100x the number of your followers.

They’re a small but vocal bunch. Plus, I try to write posts that instigate discussions or make people pause. I migrated my blog over to a proper WP dot com sight several weeks ago with the specific intent of generating a wider audience. It’s a slow slog but every week I pick up a few more readers. Perhaps by 2015 I’ll hit that illusive 100 mark. Fingers crossed!

Facebook is a lying whore. It’s a cyber depiction of America’s relationship with credit.

I don’t have a FB or Twitter for my blog either. Because promoting my blog is not high on my list of priorities.

People with stupendous followings – they freaking tweet CONSTANTLY. Blog success is sometimes less about writing and more about marketing. I haven’t mastered the art of full time self promotion either, but when we do, boy are WE GOING TO BE HUGE!!

But you know what I mean. Some bloggers are SERIOUS about blogging. They want to be professional bloggers. I can just tell. Good for them. Go for it.

I just can’t spend all my time tweeting and twatting and facebooking, etc. I had a social media ntern for my business last summer. She did all that stuff for my company’s facebook and twitter accounts.

I’ve never been a milk drinker, other than in cereal, but stopped that recently after my sister told me about the inner working of dairy farms. She asked why I would want to drink dead babies’ milk, because they take the baby cows, raise them as veal, then slaughter them while milking the moms for our consumption. So that’s what I now think of. Dead baby’s milk. Not a good slogan.

Thanks – but I liked #10 (it was actually 2 for 1 deal of 2 separate jokes that I couldn’t choose to use.) But since you’re not fully satisfied with my product, I can offer to exchange it for one of the following:
Made by India’s holiest animal!
Stolen from the cows’ children!
It’s Okay to drink and drive!
Don’t cry over spilled milk! Buy more!

Perhaps people actually started looking at the label on the side of the cartoon and realized how many carbs and how much sugar was in just one small cup of milk and decided to get their calcium some other way.

If it weren’t for cereal and chocolate syrup, I wouldn’t ever consume milk at all, despite your very clever slogans for them.

If you are watching your weight, I can recommend chalk: it’s 40% calcium, no fat, no sugar, no calories. It’s also white, so you could kind of make milk out of it. The taste would be bad, but that’s a common problem with healthy foods.

It’s probably because we tend not to pay too much attention to disclaimers and small print in general. 🙂 Although, if people did pay attention, putting something about a four-hour erection in the disclaimer would probably double or triple the milk sales.

It’s ok for us humans, because we’re natural predators. But it’s also possible for a sentient race of aliens to evolve from a herbivore species. These aliens would have problems with our meat-eating customs.

And thanks for the laughs about milk too. It does kind of gross me out when I think about where it comes from. And I really try hard not to think about everything they put in the cow feed that is then getting passed on to us. I kept expecting one of the ten to pop up as a cookie’s best friend, … but, the disclaimer was a nice touch. So, I wasn’t disappointed.

Well, I couldn’t have milk without the cookie, so I had no choice in the matter. 🙂
A lot of common foods are actually naturally weird once we really start thinking about it – and I’m not even talking about exotic foods like fried spiders. Just regular honey or eggs would have seemed totally alien as food concepts if we hadn’t grown up thinking of them as “regular food”.
Or the processed foods, I can’t even begin to imagine what sort of stuff goes there – chemical, food coloring made of beetles, and so on, Food is fun.

Bieber drinking milk from a cow? As in, directly from the udder? That’s because he is a cowsucker.
No, it doesn’t make sense to feed cows with human milk. Humans and cows just don’t produce the same amount of milk: a cow makes something like 5-6 gallons a day; I doubt any woman could match that. Also, cows don’t have jobs, and they never ask to switch to the formula because they are eager to get back to work.

I have always hated milk. Even as a child, hated it. Thought it was disgusting and would spill it whenever I had the opportunity. My mother once poured an entire pitcher over my head in retribution. Milk, bah.

“Milk life” – this motto is so bland and plain that it perfectly represents milk. And I don’t think that kids will be really impressed by the number of grams of protein in a cup of milk.
There are other ways to increase milk sales besides milk wings: for example, include a warning that milk may cause vivid hallucinations or prolonged erection.

Yeah, because I need more commercials to come on with warnings about erections lasting more than 4 hours when I’m watching TV with my 84-year-old mother. I used to think the mother/daughter “do you douche?” commercials were bad!

“In fact, milk’s market share has decreased so much that its picture has began appearing on the milk cartons”
THIS.
i hope you don’t mind my snarking all over your blog. And by the way, I recently joined the newly formed Alliance of the Damned – and as my title, I’m using Queen of Snark. And crediting YOU for the title!

What the DOG is coming off that little girl’s shoulders? Milk/water wings? That’s just the stupidest thing ever.

You and I are going to have to collaborate on something. I don’t know what. Maybe just hijacking other people’s blogs. Let’s target one blog, and make 80 comments back and forth. While drunk. Only sober.

I feel like we laid out the whole plot in the open, so that if that blogger gets curious and checks out my blog, this whole plan will be here.
I’ll need to cover up first by at least posting another post above this, or delete the whole thread…
…why do I suddenly feel like I’m Chris Christie?

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