Friday, April 29, 2005

MLS Rankings & Reasonings for Friday April 29

Rank Number, Team Name & Reasons Why:

01 New England - After their ferocious clobbering of Chicago in midweek (and on the road) this team shows they are the best right now. Maybe not as good individually as Dallas, but over all they have an even better offense. Twellman, Noonan, Dempsey, Cancela, Ralston, Joseph, Riley, Leonard, Dorman. All have gotten into the scoring action this year. The squad scored 4 at DC and 3 at Chicago without their top assister Ralston. They will need more defense for the long haul though, cuz sooner or later Avery John's inabilities, and Michael Parkhursts rookie-ness are going to cost them back there.

02 FC Dallas - An offensive machine. This team is going to get better too. Mulrooney, Ruiz, Johnson, O'Brien. Wow are they good together! So much for the mythological MLS-AEG conspiracy against Dallas. And they have a decent defense to boot. The only draw back is that they have not beaten anyone really good yet. This week will be a test.

03 Los Angeles - Are they any good? Will they rise to join the elite? We shall see cuz they get Dallas next. They beat the two expansion teams thoroughly at home, but got spanked on the road by an average 'lumbus team. They can score! And they look kinda mean. Who knows what happens next. They played great the first half of last year too.

04 Chicago - A clear drop off from the top two or three. Beaten badly at home, and they only showed offense when it was desperation time. I have no idea how they have the points they do have. Probably because they are good old fashioned tough bastards. It's certainly not pretty to watch. But 2 wins, a draw, and 2 losses is still a pretty good start for a team with no real starting forwards.

05 San Jose - They got a win finally. They needed it badly with only 2 points after leading all 3 of their previous matches. The win was over KC who I still think has all the tools to make it to the finals. SJ have proven they can score though, and Ching doesn't need Donovan behind to score either. Could DeRo be their engine?

06 Kansas City - Win the first game, draw the second, lose the third. Not much of a trajectory. Giving up 7 goals is not good either. I bet Fat Tony is sitting on his couch gorging on Pringles With Messages From Survivor chips and laughing his ass off.

07 Colorado - Well. What can you say besides these two words: Joe. Cannon. After giving up 3 to KC in the season opener they have been a well oiled defensive machine, only giving up 1 goal total (including shutting out Dallas). Problem is they have only scored 2 since the first match. Where is Jeff Cunningham?

08 Columbus - What do you want me to write here? I have no idea who this team even is. I recognize names on the roster, but that's about it.

09 DC United - Too many games to start the season perhaps. Nope, that's not it. Have you seen these guys play defense? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! It's hysterical to watch. Did you see David Stokes take out his own keeper? Did you see Boswell run over Twellman in the box for no reason? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh my god they are bad on defense! Please stop, yer killing me over here.

10 Real Salt Lake - Expansion team. What else can you say, I fully expect them and Chivas to be awful and finish at #11 and 12 for the season.

11 Chivas USA - The other expansion team. Same as above. They are worse than RSL. And Ryan Suarez answers no defensive questions for them. Outside of scoring on the free kick that everyone missed, did they even have a real shot at Kevin Hartman the other night. No, they did not.

12 Metrostars - Welcome to the bottom of the barrel dudes. So you get the best deal in the league by playing your first three games at home. If you are any good you get all 9 points. Now many do they have? 2! Now go hit the road and learn how to play. Then come back and talk to me. Until then you are officially the worst frickin team in the league.