Telling what it's like to work on recovering from the effects of alcoholism through Al-Anon

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Mother's Day 2013 is not Today

I thought today was Mother's Day. But I am going to leave this up because I am obviously a week off and am thinking of the mothers today.

It's a windy and rainy day here. Most likely if the mothers were still alive, we would have them here, sitting in front of a fire and fixing them lunch and dinner. Then we would give them a few presents. My mother liked pretty things, while my MIL liked practical things. No mothers are around anymore for us.

I can look back and remember them so well when they were bustling about and not infirm, crippled by age and illness. Sometimes, flashbacks happen, and I am transported back to when my mother would read to me, take me on scientific collecting trips, help me with homework, and console me when I was anxious about something. Or she will come to me in dreams, in which I am helping her. I can recall her in those moments as if she never left.

With my MIL dying so recently, I have thought many times of her over the past two months. I see so many things that she did for her daughter. Her pressed tablecloths are still in the linen closet, wrapped in wax paper. Nearly everyday, we come across something that reminds us of her. And yet, the sadness of loss is being replaced with wistful thoughts of what used to be.

The loss of parents is a reminder of my own aging which I have been feeling more and more of late. I can still physically do a lot, but I have a sense that the days are slipping by too quickly. I am considered middle aged now. I saw what aging did to my parents and has done to my in-laws. Thankfully, my parents died suddenly without a prolonged illness. My MIL and FIL were not so lucky.

I don't feel like giving in to aging but realize that the things I used to do all day cause me to ache some now. I gave up running because it began to hurt too much. And I have more of a desire to simply relax now and not push myself to do more. I am certainly conscious of my age. I understand now when my mother told me that she still felt as if she were 25 on the inside. But for me, there are days that I feel my age on the inside too.

So today I'm wishing for all the mothers that there is some happiness in knowing that you are loved. Inside the core of every child, there is a bond with the one who gave us life, no matter what the actions or words of the child may be. I hope that you enjoy your day, do something good for yourself, and realize that you are a very special person.

“But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin.” ― Mitch Albom

***So today I'm wishing for all the mothers that there is some happiness in knowing that you are loved. Inside the core of every child, there is a bond with the one who gave us life, no matter what the actions or words of the child may be. I hope that you enjoy your day, do something good for yourself, and realize that you are a very special person.***

This is so beautiful and so true. No matter what chaos is going on, our mama is who always loved us, maybe not in the exact ways we needed to be loved, but they did the best they knew how to do.

Your mom sounds like she was wonderful and honored who you were as a little person so well.

I think you jumped the gun on Mother's Day but hey! You got that post out of the way. I was telling my daughter the other day about the dates we'd be out of town for a wedding. "So you'll be gone on Mother's Day?" she asked. I had no idea. And I'm a mother! And you know how gracefully I'm accepting aging. Not. At. All.

Awwww Syd - - - your blog today on a week-long Mother's Day Celebration (though unintended, hee hee) was so very poignant. I think that a pre-week long acknowledgement of mothers is quite appropos!

Besides, as for aging, I accepted that process about 5 years ago, made some changes, made some moves, and though my body balks at anything strenuous these days, I allow my 19-year-old spirit to continue to fly!

Thank you for writing so beautifully about your mom. And so truthfully about aging. It certainly isn't all in our minds, and we can be a hell of a lot older than we feel. Although some days recently I have felt as if I were 1,000 years old.

Uh Syd just guessing but I would say you are fairly well beyond 36 which is really middle age statistically. Hell you can age with dignity or go kicking and screaming, holding onto every door frame you can reach as time drags your skinny ass through it. Personally I prefer the former, mainly because I have been so broken up and glued, wired, plated and screwed back together that even though I know in the end I'll lose, hell I still like a good fight.

Now that Mitch Albom quote...you know he is a sports writer by profession for the Detroit Free Press right? Although he is pretty shrimpy I guess he thought it better to write about them than play them. But for all his books and other wealth and fame he is actually one of the wealthy people in Detroit who really does care and gives back far more than he takes. You Might Like This Sunday column Of His

I asked my MiL out to dinner next week...but she chose a more affluent household to go to. My Lord there are some benefits to living in the slum, and not having in-laws visit is one of them.

So if my story started with my mom then when I got "the talk" someone wasn't exactly truthful with me. I was told it took the bee to pollinate the field but then what the hell I never cared much for the bee, my mom though was a wonderful garden of a woman.

Mark, that was a good article. I like the idea of family being close. That was how I grew up with my grandmother and grandfather next door, along with my aunt and uncle and then others close by in the small town. I remember those days with good feelings.

Aging is something I think about a lot. I think it would be hard not to seeing as I am around my grandmother so often. I also interact with other people who are aging. It is odd, to look at people and wonder if that is what it will be like for me. I have to just stop myself, and my obsessiveness, or otherwise it gets to me.

I'm glad that you posted this, even if it was a week early. Maybe someone really needed to hear what you had to say? I wouldn't doubt it.

Well I celebrated Mother's Day a week early too. I spent May 2 & 3rd with my mother and my daughter. I spent May 4th & 5th with my mother-in-law, daughter, and husband.

Who cares if your post is early? Seeing my mother aging is hard. Always, and my dad too. He is losing his hearing. I am reminded that my grandfathers died not much older than my parents are now. I am not looking forward those goodbyes when they come.