“Your Religion Is False” on the iPhone

First, thanks to everyone who bought the book. I hope you love it! I hope you write about it in your blog and put links to it on your websites! I hope you recommend it to all your friends! I hope you go to your favorite online bookstore and write a 5-Star review (unless your favorite bookstore is that weird one where reviews go up to 25 stars, in which case I hope you write at least a 23-Star review)!

I am hard at work on a Kindle version (which involves lots of hand-coding HTML, which reminds me of the first website I ever built, except for the whole “picture of Shannen Doherty in the background” piece), and I’m going to get started on an audiobook version just as soon as I can find a “laugh track” soundboard that doesn’t sound totally fake. I am also planning a promotional tour, which mostly involves paying disgruntled cable-network employees to reveal the home addresses of the most popular anchors, then showing up Lloyd-Dobler-like with a boombox full of Peter Gabriel songs (and also free copies of the book to hand out).

After that I’ll probably need to develop an iPhone version, which will not only contain the text of the book, but which will also have a number of exciting extra features:

Ability to use the new compass functionality to point you toward “Mecca” (in reality, toward one of Islam’s least holy cities).

Assortment of “virtual” religious texts that you can “drag and drop” into “virtual” toilets.

Subtlely-misleading reference database of Jewish prayers. For instance, it might tell you that the proper blessing for heavily-processed corn snacks is the blessing for corn, when in fact it’s the blessing for heavily-processed, leading to an epidemic of “improper” prayers and spiritual malaise among junk-food-loving Orthodox Jews.

Mormon-Revelation-meter, which uses GPS satellites to figure out which of their unpopular doctrines have conveniently been revealed no longer valid

“iChopra” nonsense generator. This one could be quite fun. Check out an example of its output. (I told it to use the words “sankalpa,” “manifest,” and “intention.”)

Just as soon as I figure out how to work a computer, I’m getting started!

(Astute readers will probably notice that this represents a complete turnaround from my previous iPhone-related reservations. I’m going to pretend that this is because of changing political winds, and not because I bought an iPhone yesterday.)