If you have issues with anger or are dealing with someone who does, this is the place to come to for understanding and tips.
If you argue or fight, now you can learn how to resolve your differences peacefully and permanently.
Dealing with a difficult person? I can show you how to calm them down and gain their cooperation.
It's all quite simple, really.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

We all get angry. It's a normal part of our human
experience. Anger is neither wrong nor bad. As with all emotions, it serves a
valuable purpose and in this case alerts us to the fact that something is amiss
and needs our attention to correct. It is how we choose to express and apply it
that determines whether or not it will be a beneficial force in our life or a destructive
one.

People sometimes act inappropriately: they disrespect us or can
be just be plain mean at times. It's not uncommon to take personal offense to
their rude behavior and respond with anger. This, however, is the handiwork of
ego, that self-serving part of the human experience that values the self above
all else and creates a fabricated division of humanity by assigning false
values to specific individuals.

Ego justifies a hostile response by judging and labeling the "offending" party as a jerk,
ignorant, nasty, etc. By devaluing them it becomes easier to react with aggression.
But an angry response benefits neither the perpetrator nor the object. So how
then can one respond to the wrong-doer?

Several years ago, I was traveling southbound on a major
highway. An upcoming jug handle provided access to the northbound lane where I
needed to be. To those unfamiliar with this particular intersection, the turn
can be deceiving. Sparing you the confusing details, as I proceeded to enter
the northbound lane, a driver to my right made a sharp illegal left hand turn
cutting me off and nearly causing a collision. A quick honk alerting him to his
mistake resulted in him giving me the finger (no, not a thumbs up). Immediately I felt a surge of rage! How dare he disrespect me! He's the one who
committed the infraction. If it weren't for my quick reflexes there would have
been an accident and he would have been completely at fault! We continued
up the highway, he in the lead, me directly behind him. I could see his anger
becoming more intense as he glared at me in his rear-view mirror, ranting
uncontrollably while flailing his arms about like a gorilla swatting swarming
mosquitoes. I said nothing. I did nothing. I simply observed. And the longer I
did, the more I felt sadness for him. What could possibly be going on in his
life that would cause such a severe and prolonged reaction over a relatively minor
incident?

In my work at the battered women's shelter, I had a client
early on who very reluctantly attended my anger management classes on Monday
evenings.She was clearly unhappy to be
there and eachweekmade it apparent by her passive/aggressive
behaviors. I was annoyed and somewhat offended. I needed to speak with her and
decided to give myself a week to carefully choose my words, letting her know
exactly how upset I was with her. When that fateful evening arrived, I
approached her but immediately felt a change of heart. "Would you like to
have lunch with me on Wed," I asked? Her face softened into a smile as she
responded, "Yes, thankyou."
Two days later, as we sat over platters of grilled chicken and salad, she
revealed her very painful story of losing her husband and eventually everything
they owned. "I came to this shelter with nothing more than a small bag of
clothing. I lost everything and I'm terrified about what's going to happen to
me." Fear manifest as anger - classic case.

What I learned from both of these experiences was simply a
reinforcement of what I've known and taught for years: behind everyone's perceived inappropriate behavior lies
unresolved issues of pain, loneliness, fear, insecurity, loss, etc. Ego takes
personal offense to the expression of their suffering; spirit seeks to understand
and soothe it. It's called compassion: the ability to feel another person's
pain coupled with a sincere desire to alleviate it. I can choose to live in ego
and respond with anger. Or I can live authentically, as Spirit, and choose the
benevolent response of compassion. In doing so, the anger never manifests and
the cycle of rage is broken. In each moment, God changed my heart and I was
given the opportunity to bring healing to those who are hurting. And what
greater privilege in life is there than this?

"Be kind to everyone you meet for each one is fighting
their own battle." ~ Plato

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition
or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Families: they can be our greatest source of joy or a never
ending cause of stress. Some might like to have a few parts replaced, others
may prefer to trade theirs in for a more suitable model. Some are grateful to
have a family regardless while others would prefer to travel through life solo.
If you're a member of a family, thenyou
know how challenging it can be to deal with the wide scope of personalities,
quirky behaviors, opposing viewpoints, different needs, beliefs, and values,
along with varying methods of how
members doing things.Being unskilled at
even the most basic aspects of resolving conflicts, as most of us are, can
result in minor differencesescalating
our stress levels and causing tempers to flare.

Below are some simple suggestions on how to fix family
feuds. However, before engaging in the process, ask yourself the following
questions: What has my role in this situation been? How have I contributed to
the breakdown of our family unit? Is it my attitude, actions, words, or lack
thereof? On every level, we are either part of the problem or part of the
solution. I must first take inventory of my nonconstructive contributions before
I can expect to achieve any degree of success with other members.

Assuming I
have successfully completely this task and corrected any transgressions , I can now proceed using the following strategies:

1. As respectfully as possible (it is always possible), clearly and succinctly identify the area that
needs attention.

2. Remove all distractions such as all technology, small
children or any projects you may be working on. This enables all parties to be
fully engaged with one another.

3. Allow each party ample time to state what is on their mind
without interruption. In this way, each individual will relax knowing they will
have adequate time to express their thoughts and concerns.

4. Validate their perspective. Consider their feelings,
needs, desires, and such as valid, even if you vehemently disagree with them.
Listen with your heart, not simply your ears. It's called compassion.

5. Ask questions to gain deeper insight into what they are
saying.

6. Avoid criticizing or making fun of them. Be respectful at
all times.

7. Avoid blame or accusations. Both are destructive and will
sabotage any progress from occurring.

8. Inquire as to what they need from you for this issue to
be resolved. Listen open mindedly and non-defensively. Discuss whether or not
you will be able to accommodate their needs. Make any necessary adjustments.

9. State your position, needs, feelings, wants, etc. Express
what you need from them in order to put this issue to rest. Make certain your
requests are fair and reasonable.

10. Compromise. A "winner takes all" mentality is
not a solution. All parties must feel satisfied in some way in order for the
issue to truly be resolved once and for all. Thank them for taking the time to
work through this issue.

Families will always disagree on things but our differences needn't
escalate to family feuds. Each member plays a vital role in the wholeness and
integrity of the unit. When we learn to embrace the uniqueness and giftedness
of each individual, we can utilize those qualities to strengthen and enrich the
whole. And we can finally live in harmony with and enjoy our families, free
from fighting.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition
or The Great Truth @
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

We've all had our share of problems in life, some more than
others but problems none-the-less. If you're anything like me, you eventually grow
weary dealing with and finding solutions to unpleasant situations.Rather than win the lottery, some might opt
to have all of their problems vanish, never to reappear again - to live a life
void of those wretched issues that devour our precious time, drain us of our
emotional reserves, and sabotage our peace and happiness. Yet is it conceivable
to think we can live problem free? Actually yes, it is. Let me explain.

Life is a series of events and experiences we must
participate in for a number of reasons: perhaps we need to learn a valuable life
lesson or the experience may be a necessary step in our journey towards a
particular goal. Events may be intended to test our determination. Others
enable us to tap into hidden potential necessary for our personal growth. Still
others may appear simply to reward us for past efforts. Those we welcome with open
arms, for sure. The others not so much. In any event, each plays a valuable
role in who we become and the path our life follows.

I think most would agree that life would be easier and more
enjoyable without problems to clutter up our time and deplete our energy. What few
realize is that problems only exist in the mind - they are not a reality but
rather a label we assign to a perceived unpleasant situation. Consider this: my
husband and I share a home together and each winter endure the same amount of
snow as the other. It must be cleared from driveways, sidewalks, and porches
for obvious reasons. For him it's a problem, for me a form of exercise. Same
event, different experience. It's all a matter of perception plus the labels we
place upon said incident.

Consider using the COLTS Method of Classification (5
alternatives) to instantly resolve any future or existing problems. Is the
situation a:

1. Challenge: is this experience here to challenge you to
learn something new or to push you to achieve greater goals? Like a runner
training for a marathon, accept the challenge with determination and
enthusiasm, knowing you will emerge a better person.

2. Opportunity: perhaps God is ending one chapter of your
life and directing you on a new path. Have faith, trust in His judgment over
your own. "Iknow the plans I have
for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to
give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah

3. Lessons: we all need a wake-up call sometimes. A loss,
setback or betrayal can often teach us more than any book or trained
professional could. Appreciate the opportunity to learn.

4. Test: unexpected interruptions in our life are often
testing us to enable us to determine how important something or someone is. Examine
your priorities and values to ascertain what really matters. Eliminate or limit
that which is secondary in worth.

5. Situation: some things just are, plain and simple. We needn't assign a classification or
emotion to every experience we have. "It is what it is" can serve us
well.

Rest assured, I am not suggesting we deny or ignore the
situation at hand. We must still address the issue but can now do so from an entirely
different perspective, completely redefining what it is and how we allow it to
impact us.

I cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.
However, by simply re labeling it, the problem disappears and I'm left with five
other options - COLTS (which, by the way, are adorable baby horses and who can
be upset with them?). I can maintain a positive attitude and transform a outwardly
depressing situation into one that is innocuous. And that, my friends, makes my
life a whole lot easier.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition
or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Ask anyone: they'll tell you that public speaking is a
person's greatest fear. Yet according to a recent article by Steve Nash flying,
heights, the dark, intimacy, failure, rejection, spiders, and commitment top
the list. Add to that the fear of being alone, losing a loved one (especially a
child), terrorism, getting sick, the economy, and dying and it would appear
that mankind is struggling with daily anxiety. While it is true that people
worry about many of the above, there is a much deeper area of trepidation
plaguing the vast majority of humanity: that is, facing the hard truth about who
we really are. People prefer to live in denial rather than acknowledge the
unflattering facts about themselves. Instead of admitting that we are overweight, we call ourselves
"plus size"; we're not rude - just bluntly honest; not arrogant -
confident. Sugar coat it all you want but we all know that sugar can lead to
tooth decay and diabetes.

Why are we so afraid to be candid and frank with ourselves?
We certainly don't have an issue when pointing out the flaws of others. Ah yes,
but the truth about them doesn't hurt
nor are we expected to undertake the challenge of correcting said imperfections.

I do not subscribe to the cliché that ignorance is bliss. Truth
is empowering. Living in denial is detrimental to our well being. If a friend
alerts you to a suspicious looking mole on your back and you choose to ignore
it, the growth may be malignant, thus costing you your life. So it is with personal
issues: denial is toxic to our relationships, health, overall enjoyment of
life, career success and more.

I cannot know what my entire physical being looks like
without the help of a full length mirror reflecting back to me my own image. If
I want to look my best, I must employ the assistance of a looking glass. If I
am unhappy with my likeness, I don't blame the mirror or curse it's
maliciousness. On the contrary: I am grateful for now I can correct what I do
not like. So it is with other's observations and comments about us. As
unflattering and painful as they may be we can train ourselves to listen
objectively and consider any relevancy to their statements. If in fact we are
unable to ascertain any truth in what they're saying, we may simply allow their
comments to fall by the wayside. However, if their observations are legitimate,
we now have an opportunity to correct any flaws, strengthen any weaknesses, or
be at peace with that which we cannot or choose not to change. In any event,
the incident can prove to be a great blessingfor it inspires personal growth.

However, one cannot embark on such a disconcerting endeavor
unless they fully understand who they
really are. We are not our behaviors
and attitudes. We are sacred children of the Most High God who loves us beyond
what our human minds can comprehend. I must separate my outward actions with my
intrinsic worth. I am not my behaviors.
I can love my Sacred self while disliking the way I act. I can love my Sacred self
while working on improving my bad attitude. I can courageously face the truth
about my inappropriate actions knowing they do not define me nor do they diminish
my value.

Only when I learn to see myself through the Father's eyes
and love myself as He loves me can I relinquish any fear of self-realization.
And in doing so, I can embrace my flaws and imperfections, resting peacefully
in the awareness that I am unconditionally loved for who I really am.

Faith Defeats Fear.

Order The Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition
or The Great Truth @
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

About Me

Janet Pfeiffer, international motivational speaker and award-winning author has appeared on CNN, Lifetime, ABC News, The 700 Club, NBC News, Fox News, The Harvest Show, Celebration, TruTV and much more. She is a contributor to Ebru Today TV and hosts her own radio show, Anger 911, on www.w4cy.com.
Her latest book is the highly acclaimed The Secret Side of Anger and is endorsed by NY Times bestselling author, Dr. Bernie Siegel.
A consultant to corporations including AT&T, U.S. Army, U.S. Postal Service and Hoffman-LaRoche, Janet is NJ State certified in domestic violence, an instructor at a battered women’s shelter and founder of The Antidote to Anger Group. She specializes in anger management, conflict resolution and bullying. Janet is a member of EAPA, MVP and Vision in Motion Speaker’s Bureaus and Network Plus.
Janet@PfeifferPowerSeminars.com
www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com.