Pregnancy and you blog

Infertility: An invitation to share your story

I know that an entry about infertility in a pregnancy blog seems kind of crazy. Still, I want to acknowledge that not everyone can get pregnant or carry a pregnancy — and women who face infertility can find it difficult to talk about the experience and develop a strong support network.

At first, you probably assume that you're fertile. If you're not interested in pregnancy, you might go to great lengths to prevent it. Then, when the time is right, you stop using birth control — but nothing happens. That's when you start to reconsider your fertility.

When my husband and I got married, it was with the intellectual acceptance that we might not have children. You see, a few years earlier, Richard had been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. He received chemotherapy and radiation. He was offered sperm banking, but he thought that he was young and didn't need to worry about something like that.

I say that I intellectually accepted the idea of no children because we hadn't even started to talk about babies at the time. When I came home from our honeymoon, though, I was pregnant. My husband walked around like king of the world. We had a beautiful baby girl. When she was 18 months old, I wanted another baby. This time we actively tried for pregnancy — without success.

I was angry. I was a good mom and a good person. Why couldn't I have another baby?

After some time, I realized that I needed to let it go. I told myself to be grateful for the family we had, and we decided not to pursue infertility testing. I don't know if I would have stuck with that decision for the long haul because eventually I got pregnant again.

Roller coaster that it was, my experience with infertility was barely a taste of what many couples go through every day.

First is the discovery of the infertility. It doesn't matter whether it's the eggs or the sperm. Someone feels that it's their fault. There's guilt and pain. Then the couple begins a journey that's both emotionally and financially painful.

I thought that I experienced terrible baby hunger. I can't imagine the baby starvation experienced by women who have prolonged fertility issues.

I'm 32 years old and I have been trying to conceive for nearly five years. When we first married we didn't want children and did birth control- I gained weight on the birth control & we decided to get off it. I began having some health issues and developed a thyroid issue, fibromyalgia and a mild form of Lupus. I went a couple of years ago to a doctor for a consultation and was treated terribly & made to feel like I was a crazy, horrible person and left in tears.
It's taken me almost 2.5yrs to get the courage up to find a new Dr who I'm going to see next week.
This has thus far been an incredibly emotionally painful journey for both of us. I acknowledge that being less overweight would be helpful but it is difficult due to the other issues.
I'm terrified to go back to the doc, but I want a baby before it's too late.

Caroly

January 18, 2015 7:41 p.m.

I have a long story, but it is good and I would like to share with everyone. Please visit my blog, http://fertilitypregnancyjourney.blogspot.com/

Jenna

June 6, 2013 10:04 a.m.

I’m writing this today because I feel it is important to get my story out there to as many women as possible. To give inspiration to those wanting a family but are suffering from infertility and encourage them to not lose hope.
If you are interested in reading my miracle story, you may do so on my blog.
http://one-in-ten-million@blogspot.com

Cole

May 10, 2013 5:08 p.m.

My story is too complicated for this comment box so I will give you the address to my blog. Please check it out if you have the time. Thanks!
http://angelheartsforever.blogspot.com/

Melanie

April 1, 2013 12:16 p.m.

I started a Blog to track my trials and tribulations of trying to get pregnant despite my diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure and Diminished Ovarian Reserve. Partly for myself, as writing is therapeutic for me, but also to provide support for those struggling with the same terrible condition.
http://one-in-ten-million.blogspot.com/

Cole

April 1, 2013 2:42 a.m.

Hi
Before I got married I was told I could never have kids. Ever since puberty, I've always been in and out of hospital, I was later diagnosed with Poly cystic ovarian syndrome. Being young I was not interested in kids and neither was my husband to be. We got married, got back from a 3 week honeymoon and I was pregnant. We were over the moon, we said that this was a miracle child. for 12 yrs after that, we tried to have another baby and failed. I even tried IVF and after the 2nd go, I was pregnant but only for 6 weeks. My doctor couldn't tell me why I had the miscarriage. My husband and I decided then that we were never going to have another child because the loss of the latest one was far too painful.
Almost exactly 4 yrs later I've had the biggest shock of my life, I'm pregnant. All natural also. I went for my first scan at 7 weeks and 4 days and I was told that it was too early to tell. According to the doctor, I have a viable pregnancy but my dates are wrong, I am probably only 4-5 weeks pregnant. I have another scan due in 2 weeks and I'm hoping for fantastic news. At 42 and 16 years later this is definetly a miracle baby, a blessing indeed. If it can happen to me then it can certainly happen to you.

Reena

March 5, 2013 2:35 a.m.

My infertility story has a happy ending. One year after getting married , we started trying. I have Pcos, so we decided to get checked out with a fertility specialist. We found that my husband does not have enough sperms with good morphology and we had to go for ivf. We were devastated. We decided to try IUI. After 3 failed iUIs , 1 failed IVF, we finally got pregnant in a FET. I am now a mom of 11 month old. Though the pain was a lot to bear at that time, seems worth for my little one.

Suzy

February 27, 2013 7:52 p.m.

Thank you for all your comments. It is helpful to read that others experience similar grief, emotions and struggles. I have found this to be such a lonely process and this is why these stories are helpful.

Amy

February 18, 2013 11:28 p.m.

Mary, you are so very lucky to have two children. I'm a 34yr old with no living children.I have experienced miscarriage after miscarriage with my longest pregnancy lasting 3 1/2 months with twins. I was too sick and I had to abort. They would have been 16 June 9,2013. After that loss I lost 4more. I haven't been pregnant since. I have a wonderful 9yr old stepdaughter to be but my fiancee and I long for a baby together but it will more than likely never happen and I find that I don't feel I can cope with that reality. I pretend to be strong but I am completely broken and no longer feel like a woman.We have been told IVF is the only way but there is no way we can afford it. We live in Ohio and IVF is considered an elective procedure right next to breast augmentation which is total garbage.Who would elect to have it when they could have children naturally? It's a shame that no one cares how it feels to be infertile. I've heard it's God's will, maybe you should adopt, you're just not supposed to be a mother...these are things you NEVER say to someone suffering with infertility. I will never be the one thing I always wanted to be, a mom. I love my step daughter with all my heart but I still long to be a mother. IUI didn't work and IVF is just way too much.I'm broken. My health issues have made this nightmare my reality. What's the point of insurance? I never asked for this, it's due to things I can't control so why won't my insurance help me? I wish I was as lucky as you.

Michelle

February 13, 2013 5:53 p.m.

Lilli I would love to read your story. If you could please post your e-mail address, I will get back to you. I will remove the address from the post unless you tell me otherwise.

Mary@Mayo

February 13, 2013 5:51 p.m.

Julie, I would like to read your story. If you could post your e-mail address, I'll e-mail you. I'll remove your address after I get it unless you want me to leave it.

Mary@Mayo

February 10, 2013 10:12 p.m.

Hi all, want to say it's comforting and heart breaking to read the stories. As, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for 13-14 months now with no positive pregnancy test. I have done all of the ovulation tests, temp, online calculators, etc...as many of you may have. All of the different emotions I have experienced have been from excitement and anticipation to stressed, sad, mad, to feelings of resentment. Definitely a roller coaster with alot of tears shed. My husband has been tested and has a mildly abnormal sperm count, motility, etc. I have had normal blood tests..so on so far. We are now to timed intercourse and trying the ovulation tests again. I am also taking herbs and using aromatherapy. I have been able to talk to family and friends, as I have found that is the best way to stop getting the questions of why we don't not have a baby yet. But, I felt as though I needed to speak with families/women who are actually going through the same situation. Thanks for letting me share and I wish everyone the blessing of happiness, health and a little one:)

~Serena

February 8, 2013 11:22 a.m.

I am 31 and married the love of my life in June 2012. He is 44. We decided to start trying for a family right away. I know several people who have struggled with infertility and we weren't sure how long it would take for us. We were ecstatic to find out we were pregnant in August after 2 months of trying. Our dreams were crushed when I had a miscarriage a few weeks later. The emotional turmoil was worse than I could have ever dreamed. We began trying again in October with no luck thus far. I keep wondering what we are doing wrong? I have had regular periods since I was 11 years old. We have been using a fertility monitor to try to capture the fertile window and have been tracking CM and cervical position as well. I am trying to remember to be patient and give it time but that is getting more difficult as the months pass; especially since it seemed so &quot;easy&quot; the first time. I know that it can take up to a year for even healthy couples and I know that our &quot;struggles&quot; are nil compared to what others have gone through to conceive a baby but I would love some advice. Thanks for reading and I wish all of you trying to have a precious bundle of joy the best of luck.

Shannan

February 5, 2013 12:30 p.m.

I've appreciated reading the posts. Infertility really sucks! My husband and I were a little later getting started (35 &amp; 40), but we are healthy. 2.5 years later, 5 IUI's, months on fertility drugs, and 2 IVF's we finally got a positive. We've had everything tested and have not been able to get to the bottom of our problem. We are cautiously optimistic. We're thrilled we're pregnant, finally...but understand we've still got a long journey ahead of us. The stress of infertility is off the richter scale. I've never experienced pain or stress like it, and I tend to be a positive person. I guess a lot of it has to do with all the crazy hormones. You get a feeling of isolation, &quot;what's wrong with me&quot;?, and utter disappointment every single month. The financial drain is ridiculous. 10's of thousands of dollars. The only thing that really helped me through the journey was reading blogs like these and speaking to others that have dealt or are dealing with infertility. Sharing stories, reading other stories, keeping up hope, finding someone with similar experiences. What didn't help, all the thoughtful comments from outsiders :) You know the ones..&quot;God's timing&quot;, &quot;why don't you adopt/&quot;...etc. You learn to toughen up and let it slide off your back. Thank you Mary for bringing up this topic!

Angela

February 4, 2013 9:01 p.m.

I appreciate reading the secondary infertility posts. I'm 41, and mom to a happy, healthy 2-1/2 year old after 2 rounds of IUI (no additional meds, etc.). in my late teens and late 20s, I became pregnant (unplanned-once while on birth control), had abortions both times. I'm not proud of those choices, but I mention this only to show that I've been able to become pregnant easily.
Since Feb 2011, I've had 4 miscarriages, 3 of those the result of trying on our own, the last one a result of IUI - this one occurred January 3rd at my almost 10 week checkup, and after seeing a strong, healthy heartbeat previously. I had a D&amp;E two days later. One other D&amp;E from my August 2011 miscarriage - the other two happened naturally at home. We still want to keep trying - as crazy as that sounds. The hormonal ups and downs with each miscarriage have been increasingly difficult to ride out. Unlike our past 3 miscarriages, we were able to determine from genetic testing that I miscarried last month due to a chromosomal defect - we were 1 short, fetus had Turners syndrome. We've both had testing for chromosomal problems and nothing was found. I had tests in July 2012 for recurrent miscarriages, found anti cardio lipid issue. So, I began the daily baby aspirin/heparin injections with this last pregnancy. I feel guilty about grieving because I have such a happy healthy son. These feelings + the hormones are so tough...anyone else experiencing this? It's Overwhelming.

Angie

February 2, 2013 8:58 p.m.

I am 20yrs old I got married last year in July I have longed to have a baby for a long time I'm not your typical 20yr old My husband is 32 with 3 girls they are precious but it just isn't the same I have been to a family doctor and received uneasy news. She said after my pap and my lack of my period that it didn't look good but I was on the pill up until sept of last year and I have done some research and it says lack of period for several months are normal I don't really know what's going on idk if I am still ovulating I have some symptoms that I am I have a b.thermometer and have been somewhat consistent with checking it but my dr said I have signs of cyst and my aunt was not able to carry a child she said I need to go to obgyn but I don't have a lot of extra money and I am nervous and I am scared I may be infertile I just really need some advice or some information can anyone help me out

ashley

February 2, 2013 7:47 a.m.

My heart aches for those who have been unable to carry a pregnancy to term and struggle with infertility. While I've been 'deemed' infertile, mine is a secondary infertility which many don't understand. Most think, if you've had a successful pregnancy before, you can surely have another...sadly that is not the case, as I know all too well.
I unexpectedly got pregnant at 19 years old, had a fairly easy pregnancy , and was relieved to know I was able to have kids, as that was a fear I've always had.
When my son was a yr old, I began yearning for another child. I wanted to give my son a sibling. Fast forward 3 years and I have still been unable to do that. I've seen both my obgyn and a fertility specialist to aid in the process over the last few years, but none of our attempts with clomid, iui and/or injections have been successful. Thousands of dollars wasted and too many tears to count, the journey only gets harder. It's difficult to swallow that at the young age of 25, I'm deemed infertile. I should be in my 'prime'. I should be super fertile like the rest of my friends, but I'm not. Contrary to what most think, secondary infertility is a real thing, and while I've had the joy of a pregnancy previously, it doesn't make the pain of infertility any more bearable. I am heartbroken thinking that I may never be able to give my son a sibling.

Kelly

January 31, 2013 8:18 a.m.

Although my adopted son is now 17, the pain of infertility lingers on. My desire to mother a child is fulfilled. I could not be happier or blessed any more than I am. However,I can remember so many times driving home from the Dr after a negative pg test. What a long drive. The baby showers for friends were excruciating. Often I forced myself to attend. Questions from relatives and friends became unbearable. The memories remain. Now when I talk to other women that too suffer infertility, I feel empathy. Infertility treatment now is much improved. That should offer much more hope to those that can afford the treatment. My advise would be to others, if truely your hearts desire is to be a mother, don't ever give up.

Donna

January 30, 2013 11:10 p.m.

Than you for letting me tell my story.
My blog post for the story is: http://www.morning-cup-of-jo.com/2013/01/first-comes-love-then-comes.html?spref=fb

Joanna

January 30, 2013 11:37 a.m.

I met my husband when I was 18 and he had a 3 yr old son, who I became mom to, as his biological mother left when he was a few months old to return a few days once when he was 5. By the time I was 24 I longed for a baby to complete our family. I became pregnant two years later, and miscarried the night before a scheduled D&amp;C at 16 weeks. I felt completely barren. I happened to work at a public library doing the children's programming. I found it extremely difficult to be nice to any moms that came in who were obviously pregnant or who had babies. I left to go to the bathroom a few times a day to cry. I constantly blamed myself - my diet, my lifestyle, mold in the house? second-hand smoke? The fact that I could not get pregnant was on my mind all day every day. When I was 26 I suffered from an ectopic pregnancy, and lost my left fallopian tube and ovary. I almost died. I suffered another miscarriage a few months later. I was almost relieved to know that I could still get pregnant. I felt as long as I could get pregnant there was a chance for me to have a baby. Intervention was not an option for us, as we had no extra money. Living in a small prairie town it seemed a far off dream to think about anything like IVF. At 28 I became pregnant for the fourth time, and things did not work out. I needed a D&amp;C at 12 weeks. When I was 30 I became pregnant, and I saw a heartbeat at a 7 wk ultrasound. It was hard to enjoy my pregnancy after 8 years of trying, but my son is now 11 y

Bonnie

January 29, 2013 9:47 p.m.

I am happy to share my story as well. I would also like to know how to get it to you.

Lilli

January 29, 2013 4:55 p.m.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuX7s73orvg
Here is a video version of my story. Since this video I have done one more cycle of IVF and it too ended in an early loss or chemical pregnancy.

Mary

January 29, 2013 4:43 p.m.

Here is a video version of my story. Since this video I have done one more cycle of IVF and it too ended in an early loss or chemical pregnancy.

Mary

January 29, 2013 3:15 p.m.

I'm happy to email you my story--it deals with secondary infertility in the form of losses...
Please let me know where I might send it to.

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