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1. “The irregular shaped jar and the convex bottom make it difficult to get every last drop of Nutella out,” will be the first chapter in my new book I Have My Deepest Thoughts While Licking The Inside of the Nutella Jar.

Pre-order now!

2. Posting from My Angry Place the other day, which by the way is filled with drugged pigeons that hover at punching range, has resulted in some great debate about free speech and how professional athletes should use Twitter.

Yesterday, a statement from Rooney:

“I have not spoken with Rashard so it is hard to explain or even comprehend what he meant with his recent Twitter comments. The entire Steelers’ organization is very proud of the job our military personnel have done and we can only hope this leads to our troops coming home soon.”

Apparently, the Steelers need a social media policy that says, “Don’t tweet anything from a verified account that you wouldn’t say into a live microphone.” Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to say it.

Advice I should take in light of my “white paper entitled Swallow versus Spit” line.

How nuts was that line!? I blame My Angry Place.

3. Reader @maripops informed me that David Conrad was in the KDKA studios yesterday morning for an appearance on Pittsburgh Today Live (watch the video here) and she said he “says hello” via this picture she took and then tweeted to me:

Two men were arrested for allegedly stealing two sets of elk antlers with a combined value of more than $500,000 from an exhibitor at the National Rifle Association’s annual convention over the weekend, authorities said on Tuesday.

One of the antler sets was worth $500,000 alone. The other $15,000.

HALF A MILLION DOLLARS FOR ELK ANTLERS?!

DO THEY LAY GOLDEN EGGS?

What?

Shut up.

(h/t Paul, who wants to quit his desk job and hunt elk now because that’s where the money is!)

Sometimes a lie can be dressed so properly that it can even deceive the tongue from which it was conceived. My father has missed just about every major accomplishment in my life. He only made it to 2 of my high school football games and never made it to any collegiate ones. He left my mother, my siblings, and I for another woman. He missed me grow as a man and has had little input, except for what not to be. I constantly told people that his lack of presence didn’t bother me and that was a lie.

My Lie was dressed in a tuxedo. It wore a bow tie, cufflinks, and nice polished shoes, and its smile was flawless. My Lie quickly took on its own life. It became real, it became true, and it would even speak to me. “Baron, you don’t need your father, you have done it without him for this long and look how well your doing. He hasn’t been there for you. Don’t let him in. He doesn’t deserve it. He will just abandon you.” I listened, I believed, and I trusted something that was dangerously deceiving.

Until Truth spoke to me.

The rest will give you chills.

I might have to self-unite. Ladies, I’m proactively telling you now that you might need to STEP OFF.

6. DAVID CONRAD DAVID CONRAD DAVID CONRAD.

What?

I just wanted to give YOU a chance to tell ME to shut up.

YOU SHUT UP.

7. Why are you and I bickering so much today? Let’s hug it out.

8. Something we can agree on for sure is that I am obsessed with Roberto Clemente, so when I finally made it to Jim Shearer’s Pirates art show at Wildcard, and saw that he had his Roberto Clemente 11 x 17s for sale for only $15, I bought one.

Here’s the art:

Awesome, huh? Can’t wait to frame it.

They were all fantastic, including my other fave, the Andy Van Slyke print:

12-year-old Reeva Kelly died last year from Crohn’s and her aunt is the owner of Mr. Smalls and will be hosting the concert on June 18 to benefit the Reeva Kelly Charitable Fund, which will help children suffering from Crohn’s.

I hope Baron is awesome on the field as well to elevate his status in the community and the NFL to a level where he can have an audience to share his heart and other passions. Seems like a really stand up guy that will make a nice addition to the City of Champions!

I recently hosted a Nutella party – they supplied the goods, I promised to blog about it in exchange. One of the take-homes in the goodie bags was a Nutella spreader, very oddly shaped so that it gets every last drop out of the jar. I had some leftovers – would you like one? If so, email me.

I have to admit, I didn’t care much for the stuff. For the same fat/calories I could have 4 pieces of bacon, and bacon trumps pretty much all other food in my world.

Baron Batch was an awesome football player when I was in school at Texas Tech. I had no idea how amazing a person he also was. Instantly my new favorite steeler. Let’s hope he makes the cut in training camp!

So, I may have to fight all yinz for the self uniting rights on this one. Or you can accept me as your self united sister wife. I’ve been saying I desperately need a wife anyway. This could be just the answer. I have a whole list of things you can get started on, starting with dinner. I’ll be home late…

Oh thank you for sharing Baron’s blog. I am going to tell EVERYONE know about it, especially my children.
I will pray that he does well and stays with the Steelers for a long time. Troy and the others like him need more players like this on the team to cancel out the bozos, who shall remain nameless, as they should.

Thank you so much for sharing Baron Batch’s blog. It was really touching and now I know what I will be reading for the next few hours. It’s good to know that we have young players like him coming to our team.