Making everyone happy is impossible. Pissing them off is a piece of cake. I like cake.

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Gobblin' King is getting desperate...

Via Vindico, I find that the government is thinking of giving a competitive advantage to shitty pubs.

Gordon Brown has snapped on his latex gloves of desperation, reached for his moralising dildo, smeared it in the lubricant of virtuous taxation, and is getting ready to ram it up our collective arse's repeatedly with this brilliant idea (hat tip nation of shopkeepers)...

Confidential orders to council tax snoopers, obtained by The Mail on Sunday, say 'friendly' pubs with quiz nights, football teams or dartboards will be forced to pay higher business rates, which will pay for Labour's public-spending programme.

Guidance on how to set the rates for a pub tells inspectors to take into account a number of factors: 'Note any TV (including satellite) facility, quiz nights, pool, darts or football teams in leagues. Does the pub appear friendly and popular?'. In addition, pool and darts 'facilities' must be logged along with 'beer gardens, children's play areas and bowling greens'.

The manual explains how inspectors should visit pubs armed with an identity card, tape-measure or laser measuring device, digital camera and clipboard. They are even given maths lessons on how to ensure every square inch of the pub is taxed, including the mathematical formula for calculating the area of 'rhomboids, trapeziums, and undecagons [11-sided shapes]'.

What the fuck? So, the Gobblin' King thinks that we should make decent pubs more expensive?

Are there no depths to which this one-eyed fucker will not stoop? The man is a fucking turd of the very first water and I hope that he dies from pissing actual fish-hooks in a bizarre act of god.

What the fuck is going on with this country? Oh, wait, I know: it's been run by filthy authoritarian fucking socialist scum for the last ten years...

I have a suggestion. Any clipboard toting pencil neck turns up at a pub, the locals should make it very clear that the pub is NOT friendly to them and they are NOT popular and they lack a dartboard, so their pimply arse will do nicely.

Well, obviously Patsy Hewitt's masturbatory smoking ban isn't killing pubs off fast enough to satisfy the miserablist presbyterian fuckslot. Perhaps he should start a new quango, to just eliminate pleasure altogether. I never realised I had so much capacity for hate before this pack of unconscionable arse-blocking wankshafts came to power...