not what you'd expect.

March 16, 2012

This time I have potentially the best excuse ever for dropping off the face of the earth. Three weeks ago I was admitted to the hospital for preterm labor and a shortening cervix.

The great news is that we staved off labor, my cervix eventually stabilized (though it's still quite short), and ultimately Baby Boy is still safe and sound in his ever-more cramped abode. The cervical shortening had been progressing over the course of a few weeks before I was admitted. (Actually, the Monday prior involved a day long stay in L&D due to contractions and worry, but I was home on bedrest for the rest of that week.)

It was spotting (bright red and a couple of small clots) that send us running to L&D, and then once we got here, preterm labor followed within a couple of hours. We had another episode the following morning.

I had about 52 hours of mag sulfate and full round of steroids (two doses) for Baby Boy over the first few days. The morphine is what really seemed to do the trick to eventually space out the contractions, though. My cervix shortened from an original 37 mm down to 13 about a week after my admitance. But since then, it's stabilized and even increased by 1 mm at each of the last weekly ultrasounds, up to 15 mm.

I've had one other episode of pre-term labor last Sunday that nearly landed me back in L&D (versus antenatal, where I currently reside). Tuesday evening was a little iffy, but I've learned a bit about how to relax and not go into a stress spiral that ramps things up. We've also hypothesized that Baby Boy flipping completely (twice in the last week) may be enough stress on my uterus to trigger these rounds of contractions. I like that notion better than the idea that my body is trying to go into labor and there's not much we can do about it.

No doubt about it, bedrest (especially the hospital variety) sucks just about as badly as you might suspect. It's completely worth it, particularly when working, and I could not be more grateful that we're at 29 weeks tomorrow with a big, healthy baby - not a 26-weeker in the NICU who didn't get steroids or mag.

Patrick has been mindblowingly amazing. (As a sidenote that's really worthy of a whole entry, Patrick was laid off the week before our wedding in a big reduction-in-force after 10 years with his company. He has a great severance package that's keeping us level, but we're anxious for his next career move to finalize.) He's taken care of my every need and kept the girls so happy and well-cared for. I'm amazed by him at every turn.

This week was spring break and he took Hannah and Caroline on a whole week-long adventure around town - the state history museum, an IMAX movie, parks, the zoo, one of those wall-to-wall trampoline places, a cavern.

Still, the hardest part of all of this by far has been the double-edged sword of worry over keeping Baby Boy safe; and the wholy unatural separation from my family. I am not meant to be away from any of them and some days, the missing is so strong that it makes for a really tough go.

Also, hospital food sucks after a while. A short while.

In the next day or two I may actually be released to go home for bedrest until delivery, or until something else happens to bring us back. This is nothing short of a miracle. There are many other stories involved in all of this, but in order to get this post up, I'll suffice with this entry.

Please keep us in your prayers for more uneventfulness and eventually, a baby who's ready to come home without (too much) intervention.

January 11, 2012

I'm attempting this update from my phone, since that's where most of my belly pictures now reside, and since I figured that its the sort of technological advancement I should endeavor, given my career and lifestyle.

Still, it may go awry... Let's see, shall we? This was taken around 18 weeks, and I'm near 20 now, so just add a bit to this in your imagination.

Hey, whaddaya know! It worked!

I realize the title says "pics" plural, but you have to let me progress at my own speed.

As far as a general health update, baby boy and I are both doing very well. One of us is more neurotic than the other, but I'm not one to name names. I've turned the corner on the weight loss and I'm now at -9, which is better than -12. And we all know I'll make up every bit and then the 30 (screw 25) lbs. I'm meant to gain on top of that.

Baby Boy is really active and healthy and doing all the things he should be. Thankfully, our new specialist "gets it" and earned a permanent place in my heart by giving me a more in-depth look last week to spare me from an emotional breakdown. (There was a ton of movement, then there was less; add brusque tech with not much feedback, ergo: freakout.)

December 08, 2011

He's super active and gorgeous and has perfect hands and feet, and was flexing and reaching and kicking.... (ahhhhhhh!)

The doctor was great. I asked that she do some additional scanning herself because I'm sure their techs are wonderful, but she's the expert. She discussed each of my pain points and it seems that there have been big improvements in diagnosing placental issues since last I gave birth.

At this point, there are no signs of arthrogryposis, but we'll scan again in two weeks to keep an eye on continued healthy development. In fact, she volunteered that she had no problem getting me in for a scan if I just needed a sanity check. Somehow, just that peace of mind means flip outs are less likely.

And, as an added bonus, if all goes well this healthy baby boy would be definitive proof that it was not the sex-linked form of fatal arthrogryposis that Thomas had, ergo: the girls are not carriers and neither am I!

Such wonderful news all around. Thank you all for your prayers and unflagging support. Now I'm off to woozle a few blue newborn onesies.
_________________________

Jenny F. Scientist astutely pointed out that I may be mistaken about the X-linked recessive inheritance, and what we can extrapolate from a healthy boy. Sadly, she's right (though I know she wishes I were the right one this time).

I re-read and shored up my knowledge, and it's a 50/50 chance for the X-linked recessive to be inherited by either boys or girls. Any boy who did inherit it would be lethally affected; any girl would be a carrier, and not display the traits of the disease. But it's totally possible to have both unaffected girls and boys.

For us, as we likely won't have another child, this simply means that we'll want to continue to monitor any scientific developments around the x-linked recessive, lethal form of arthrogryposis (there are two other non-lethal x-linked forms identified at this point) to see if they ever find the marker and develop a test for carriers.

Further, it would mean that THIS little boy did NOT inherit it. Which is still a big reason to celebrate!

We have our first maternal fetal medicine appointment this afternoon. Everything has been going well - certainly NBHHY - but it's unavoidable that the errant flashback pops up now and then.

So prayers, please, for a nice, healthy baby with everything in its proper location and performing its proper function. This is our first visit to this particular doctor (my specialist in Houston isn't accepting my current insurance, but does accept what I'll have come January). Let's also hope she's competent and thorough... with a soft spot that causes her to give us lots of pictures and video.

I'll be 15 weeks tomorrow. Only Thomas, Hannah, and Caroline made it this far, so our odds are looking better and better.

November 22, 2011

Remember the house we were in the process of buying? Remember how I said that all the frustrating delays were a sign that we should slow down and take a deep breath? Well, I was right. In a way. We did need to take a big breath.

But not in the achieve-zen-and-hunker-down-for-the-long-haul sense. We needed that breath as the last gasp before a surreal and wonderful deep water dive.

Just days after writing that post, and just days before finally successfully closing on our new house, we discovered some huge, huge news: We were pregnant.

But wait, let me back up. Lest you think this was a completely out-of-left-field shocker for us, I should do some 'splainin. Last summer, just before our engagement, I noticed that at the end of each cycle, I was actually disappointed to find that my birth control had worked as intended and that I was not pregnant by some lovely fluke. Patrick, too, had no bones about moving toward another child sooner rather than later. I was convinced that with everything else going so well, conceiving and successfully gestating a human would be the one place where things were bound to go awry. At the very least, it could take some serious time. And perhaps a surgery and some more invasive measures.

So after one final month where I had to will myself to take the pill, we decided to stop stopping a situation we very much wanted and see what happened. We both knew that there was a chance something could happen sooner rather than later, but that was a risk we were willing to take. I must say, though, when just two months (and one engagement and one house) later we found ourselves staring at a positive pregnancy test, I was honestly shocked.

And scared. And elated. And emotional.

It was a Friday, and that very day I called my RE and he fired off a lab slip for HCG and progesterone levels. HCG was nice, but the progesterone was low (just as it had been for Hannah and Caroline, so apparently, that's just how my corpus lutei roll). I began supplements right away, and then attempted a more laid-back approach to packing my whole house and renovating a foreclosure. While I worked full-time. And parented three girls. And suddenly found myself planning a fall wedding.

Patrick has been a saint. He's that guy that everyone dreams exists but never really thinks does. He meets needs I didn't yet realize I had. I really can't even explain it except to say that this journey so far has been entirely other-worldly, and I feel so so so blessed.

There's a lot more to the story, but at this point, I'm now 12 weeks 3 days, and we'll have our first trimester screen today. It has been a scary journey so far, but in keeping with the sacred principle of NBHHY, well, NBHHY. I've survived the worst fatigue I've ever experienced to date, nausea and a weight loss of 11 lbs. so far, and the trials of early pregnancy while moving, working, marrying, and parenting (but wait, there's more!).

And here's what we have to show for it!

______________________________

Update:

The ultrasound portion of the first trimester screening went great! The baby was moving, but managed to sit still for the nuchal translucency measurements - which looked perfect. And we saw nice flat feet, waving hands, kicking legs, and just the right amount of meat on those perfect bones. And, while you wouldn't want to go painting a room at 12 weeks 3 days, there seemed to be more of a "something" than a "nothing" in the bits department!! Sweet Jebus, we might actually have a boy!!

November 18, 2011

I had good reason to disappear for so long. Remember how I last posted about the universe telling us to slow down? Well, apparently, that was just a pause before the big stuff started. Because big events were coming. And now, I shall endeavor to catch you up.

(Please note: Since I am aware of your reading proclivities, said events will be presented out of order, in deference to their relative level of interest. I'll do my best to hit one event in each entry.)

Last Friday, on 11-11-11, Patrick and I were married!

We had a family and close friends only ceremony on the deck of a favorite restaurant, right around sunset. There was a quarry lake behind us, and our pastor (who was just reassigned to a new church the week before) came back into town to marry us. Our three girls were the flower girls, decked out in dresses made by Patrick's mom. It was lovely. Perfect. Just what we wanted.

We had a reception a few hours later and all our friends and all their kids (there were a ton!) came to celebrate. Afterward, we sent the girls home with their grandparents and escaped to a nearby hotel for a weekend of lovey-dovey-ness and room service.*

Planning for the wedding confirmed what I already knew: Having amazing, talented friends is always a good thing. One friend designed the wedding invitations (digital, thank you) for free. Another, who is a former marine drill seargent-turned-regular corporate gig gal, now makes cakes on the side. She told us to consider it her gift to us. A third happens to be a stellar make-up artist, so she did our hair and make-up and make the girls and I look like glamourous screen starlets. Yet another is a spectacular photojournalist, and she documented the whole shin-dig for free! (I only have a smattering of pictures so far, but I promise to share more as soon as I have them.) Finally, a good friend agreed to take over the coordinating when it was clear to me (and everyone else, frankly) that I was in over my head.

Patrick and I exchanged our own vows, in addition to the traditional ones. We teared up. We hugged and kissed more than is traditionally allowed. It. was. amazing.

I know this seems incredibly brief, but in the interest of getting this posted, and moving on to the next events, I'm just going to run with it!!

Thank you all for hanging in there and checking in on me. My mom has been prodding (mostly gently) for a long time now, so I'm glad to finally come up for air and share the good news!

September 21, 2011

As predicted, things have been hectic since my last posts. School started; the back-to-school season wreaked havoc on my work schedule (since I work in the education industry, it's the "make hay" season of our calendar year); we began the process of pulling together paperwork for the house (who says buying a foreclosure can't be fun!), for taxes (I know you're jealous), and for other fun things like school fundraisers ("just take these 17 easy steps to earn your child a miniature rubber ducky on a lanyard!").

Patrick has been doing some serious career assessment this year, and has several opportunities that look promising, but they're all moving slow as molasses.

My work environment has improved and it looks like some due compensation will be coming my way before the new year, but the pace is likely to stay break-neck.

The house... well we were supposed to close on Tuesday (which happened to mark one year from our first meeting), but the seller (we're not even actually sure who that is) hasn't delivered the deed yet. We're now in a perpetual holding pattern until that happens.

And no, we haven't set a wedding date yet. We've had a handful of discussions around it, namely our desire to be wed sooner rather than later, and our equal-but-opposite desire to not have to cram wedding planning into this fall's schedule or sacrifice the few items that are actually important to us.

Yesterday, Patrick was feeling a bit frustrated over the lack of "closure" for so many big deals in our life. I recognized this as my same need to "write the end of the story". It's a need that has largely disappeared for me, in the face of so much support and stability, and I want the same for him. I pointed out that there's a difference between "closure" (which implies some decision yet to be made) and "delay" (which simply means a change in timing - not outcome). And we talked about how his response - to attempt to know the likely outcome and to try and control all aspects of a process - is an important coping mechanism when you're living in an environment where you have little control.

Co-dependency, bullying, a long stream of traumatic experiences - any of those (or all of them) are enough to make you grasp at any straw of control or planning available. How are you supposed to defend yourself if you don't know the likely outcomes?!

What an amazing joy and unburdening it is to be able to let go of all of that. Now, when we have a string of delays, I just sigh and think, "Okay God, what are you trying to say?" Often, the answer is a simple, lovely, "slow down!"

I no longer worry about the end of the story because the options are unbound, spreading out before me like open sky - not like a forks in an overshadowed path in the woods. I know that wherever we end up, it will ultimately be okay. In all likelihood, better than okay. As Dr. Luz has pointed out, the flip side of the chaos coin is opportunity. Things cannot go "off track" if you aren't limited to living on a track. There is beauty in the open-endedness.

August 24, 2011

My rental house was the perfect size for me and my two girls. Patrick's house was more than enough for him and his daughter. But it turns out that my house is a wee bit snug for all of us. (I can already hear you, NYC peeps, snickering at what I consider "snug".)

There are lots of kids and a lot of stuff and with me working from home and Patrick sometimes working from home, well it gets to be a bit much with all the closeness and proximity and whatnot. Plus, both Patrick and I are long time home owners and living at the discretion of our landlord is not exactly ideal. (See also, flooded house, a/c repairs, etc.) Nor is paying for Patrick's house when no one is actually using it routinely.

So ever since last spring, we've been looking for the right house for our whole family. We want to stay in the same neighborhood, ideally even in the same elementary school section, and we wanted enough room to not only be comfortable with the people and work arrangements we have now, but also have room to grow.

After doing a lot of searching, we put in a contingent offer on a to-be-built home in the neighborhood and listed Patrick's house for sale. But after months of no movement on his house (despite being the least expensive home in his neighborhood by $35K) the builder began to pressure us to come up with more money. Frustrated, we decided to go back to the drawing board and check out more options.

As luck would have it (or perhaps it's something else), our realtor found a foreclosure in her section of the neighborhood that very day that seemed like it might suit our needs. We went to take a look at it and one other house. The non-foreclosure showed beautifully, but in the end, didn't actually have the configuration we wanted, or room to grow, despite being large. The foreclosure showed poorly - no power = no a/c = hideous heat in 106 degree weather. They had stripped out the door knobs, taken mirrors, shower heads, and light fixtures here and there. The carpets looked hideous.

But if you looked beyond that, and factored in that all of that was easily fixed, you could see the fact that it was a huge house with giant bedrooms and closets, a big lot in a beautiful section of the neighborhood (our neighbor would be the mayor), four sides masonry, wrought-iron balustrades, double oven, crown molding, and so on and so forth.

We decided to investigate leasing Patrick's house instead of selling it. Taking that expense off our plate and combining our budgets gave us plenty of room. Again, as luck (or whatever) would have it, Magda just happened to have a friend moving to our town. Whiz-bang-pow, one week later we have a signed tenant, a prequalification letter, and an offer in on the foreclosure. It took us about two weeks of negotiating (the house was listed as a bidding situation, much like ebay, but for real estate), but we learned just a short while after our engagement that our bid was accepted.

We're paying less than $60/sqft for this house.

Tomorrow is the inspection, so we're keeping everything crossed and praying a ton that things will go smoothly. Patrick has his house packed into a pod thingie and is putting the finishing touches on getting it ready for the new tenants. We're hoping for a mid-September close date and about another week before we'd move in.

It's been a whirlwind summer, to be sure, and with this house there will be quite a few immediate fixes to cross off our list. But for all the rest, we're prepared to just slowly stay the course. We're not going anywhere and we're in no hurry to turn this into some sort of impress the Joneses house. Both of us came from relationships where we were pressured to do more than we were financially capable or willing to do. It's such a relief to be able to go into this with someone who looks at it from the same perspective: The bones are here. We can make do with very little alterations and turn it into our "home" over the many years to come.

It's the same perspective we have on our life: Our life is amazing RIGHT NOW. We have everything we need RIGHT NOW. We are happy RIGHT NOW. Tomorrow may bring us the opportunities to do more, have slightly different things or circumstances, travel more - whatever. But it also may bring adversity or a bump in the road. Regardless, we have everything we need to be happy. We have each other. And as the stellar Dr. Luz once quoted: "Home is where the snuggle is."

August 17, 2011

Those are the words I finally managed to utter just over two weeks ago after Patrick got up at the end of church, strode to the front and sang Train's "Marry Me" with the musicians accompanying him, and then got down on one knee in the church aisle and asked me to be his wife.

I'm actually just assuming that's what he asked because as soon as I realized he was at the front of the church, I knew what was coming and I got a bad case of tunnel vision. I heard him sing - adapting the key and the lyrics here and there ("if I ever get the nerve to ask you here in church today,") - and I watched him go down on his knee and open a little box that contained this:

Well, presumably he asked me to be his wife. I didn't actually hear him speak. When he started to slip the ring on my finger, I realized that I hadn't verbally replied (except insomuch as I had cried and shaken visibly, and tried to go up to him at the front before he was done singing). So I uttered, "Yes! Definitely yes!" just as soon as it dawned on me to speak.

I realize that it's unforgiveable that I haven't posted about this until now. But as you'll see in the next post, there's lots going on in the Uncommon world, and when life calls, you have to go live it. Feel free to pepper me with questions, as I'm drawing a blank about what details you might want to know. Otherwise, suffice it to say, we are all very happy - and this is only just the beginning.

July 26, 2011

Last night, I learned that a good friend of mine (my next-door neighbor from childhood) is going through a big scare. She's 27 weeks pregnant and learned that one of her baby girl's ventricles is measuring a little large, and the other, a little small. When I first heard there was an issue, I had no details, and frankly, found her explanation reassuring.

But she's not reassured at all, and doing what we all do, found even less reassurance in her online, maniacal searches. I told her to cease and desist. I have an extensive background in online medical reasearch without the qualifying degrees and a whole army of minions who are similiarly qualified. So I told her to let us do the searching and the anecdote sharing and I'd report back to her with sifted, honest feedback.

She has a month to go before another scan, and we all know how impossibly long that can be.

Here are the details:

"... she has "mild ventriculomegaly." Her left ventricle is measuring at 10.2mm, which he calls a "variant of normal" since anything under 10mm is statistically normal. He measured the right ventricle at 6mm. He seemed satisfied that it was within the normal range, but I am not sure if the disparity between the two means anything. Apparently, the ventricles drain fluid from the brain to the spinal canal and the enlarged one means that hers is not draining properly. He said they do not even worry unless the measurement is over 15mm, at which point we would talk to a pediatric neurologist. He said at 20mm, it is "overt hydrocephalus" or "water on the brain." He said this has nothing to do with me and there is nothing I can do to make it better or worse. He also said that chances are lots of babies have this type of measurement at some point, but it starts going back down around 32 weeks and is never noticed by anyone. He also promised me that in over 50,000 sonograms, he has never seen a measurement like this turn into something serious past 24 weeks and I am at almost 27 weeks."

Do you know anything about this? Any stories to share? Any relevant articles? Please come forth and share. Pay it forward.