Wednesday, January 19, 2011

i try

i try and i totally fail every time....
i want to be that mom that has her sh*t together and i try hard...but i am not. i need to face the facts. i am the mom that is running around w/ her head cut off. it's a constant battle that i face every AM. i just can't get organized. it doesn't matter if i wake up 3 hrs before i have to get taylor to school, i am always racing around. i am that mom, who doesn't read the calendar until i am emptying out her book bag on the way to school and notice that today is "wear white day" and tay has on bright pink....i'm the mom that sends her daughter to school in a dress, tights, and ankle boots on "gym day"....i'm the mom that the teacher has to call in the evening to go over the "dress code" and "the calendar/ schedule".....so please, all of you 'together' moms, tell me how you do it. i need help :)

i am not one of the together mom's but i'll post to tell you that you're not alone and it will all work out fine in the end. i do ask my children to help me remember the things of theirs that are important to them. it helps me and helps to teach them some responsibility. hang in there.

Ok, my friend, love your blog! Just noticed you used to live in Charleston, that is where I am! But I am just like you running around every morning and my son is not even in school. Today I got up at 6 to have time to wash my hair (god knows it needed it) before I went to the dentist and of course I ended up being late. My son is still in his pjs today. ugh I don't know how "together" moms do it!

I have to say-- your honesty is refreshing and this post is hilarious!! I'm not a mom yet, but I can tell you, coming from a family of 5 kids-- I think it's better for the mom to be a little scattered! (mine sure was!) You're molding a little girl that will be able to handle it when she's the only one not wearing white :) She will be an easy-going adult- and it's all because of you... so, forget organization- you're making a very patient and understanding kiddo! Good Job!!!

My advice is, when you are getting their lunch boxes out of their backpacks at night, take that time as the time to ask if there is anything for you (and look through their bags!), or if there is anything special happening tomorrow, and look at the calendar then. Doing everything school related at one time is how I do it. Then at least you've got a 50/50 chance of catching stuff!

Sometimes it is just your perception of yourself vs what others see. I am a mom to five under age 11 and I feel the same: that I am always running around and never knowing truly what is going on around me. Then, other mothers comment how together I always am. Just surround yourself with some good mommy friends who will pat you on the back. And, check facebook...a lot of times other mommies will post things like "Getting susie's all white outfit together for all white day" and then you can pretend like you remembered all along :-)

even as childless, i can so relate. i'm trying to accept that part of me this year too. we've recently renovated and moved into an old house and i've been a total spaz about (not) having people over becuase it is such a wreck and i HATE that about myself. i want to be like 'come on - i've got wine' and really not care (or mention that it's a total mess or worry about it apologize or explain, etc.). a goal for 2011 - for sure.

I think the together mom's don't sleep and are heading toward nervous breakdown-hood. Or, they take lots of prozac. If you have a chance, read Teresa Strasser's book, Exploiting My Baby. She has a funny take on all of the shiny real (and facade of) togetherness out there. I'm a wreck and am ready to go on a homework strike--meaning I refuse to help with homework. Seriously, why should I have to do freaking homework with my kid.

Anyway--give yourself a break. You do what you can do and needs to be enough.

WELCOME TO COLUMBIA! I live downtown/shandon/5points area and have been here for a LONG time, have kids, know lots of kids, and know what it is like to be THAT mom with a million things to juggle! Don't be too hard on yourself I think we are all a bit of her, it is really hard to DO IT ALL, especially since you have just moved!! If you need anything, have any questions, need places for design stuff, let me know, I can help point ya in the right direction.(oh,and I know ALOT of Moms that LOVE red wine too!)

I'm enjoying this post & the comments b/c I, too, feel like I can never truly get it together. Also, you just moved and that really throws you for a loop. I took comfort in reading on Julie's Milk & Honey blog that it takes a year to truly get settled after you move. I don't believe there are any 100% together mom's out there...it's a myth! And if there are, they are surely lacking in some department!

I agree with the advice about trying to do a little more in the evening so you don't feel so frazzled in the mornings. For instance, every Friday, I bring home my 2.5 year old's bag from nursery school and immediately, as I'm walking in the door, throw the contents (2 crib sheets, blanket, etc) into the wash so that I don't have a freak-out moment Sunday night/Monday morning when it's time to pack it up agian for the week. Also, my little one's teacher suggested letting them pick out the clothes they want to wear at night for the next day. That way there is no struggle when you're trying to race out the door...and in your case, this would alert you to any "wear white today!" directives early. xo

i'm a fellow interior designer from florida and have a fourteen year old and a three year old. love your blog by the way. i used to feel like that crazy mom when our oldest was little, but over the years i've learned that none of my mom friends have it together. we all have areas in our lives that are chaotic and i can't do everything. i've learned to let a lot go and be gentle on myself when i can't get to something.

our oldest daughter had a bracket on her braces come off last night, i called for an emergency repair appt., they tell me come at eight this morning...she wakes up and doesn't feel well, so i call and reschedule for the end of the day. i cut the wire with wire cutters so she can eat today.....it can wait. and my little one is still in her jammies and it is lunch time. i'm working and she's happy...so all is good!

you can't be everything for everyone and your husband and kids need you first. learn to say no at least once a day to something or someone-when you say no to something else-you say yes to your family, get a huge wall calender and have your daughter help you post stuff on it, and remember that you give your kids something no one else can....you!! be kind to yourself! xo

I so agree with spending some time before bed getting out the calendar and seeing what is happening..or pack the lunch the night before...lay out clothes....anything that makes the morning more pleasurable...the main thing is...you want the kids to have a great start to the day and not feel like mornings are the worst part of the day....make lists...post them on the fridge....HTH. Dianntha

Thank you for being honest! In blogland and in real life too it can be so easy to have that "I have it all together" impression. My 4 (ages 7-13) are all in school full time, and I still don't have it together. :) Today I'm staying in my jammies, and tackling the kitchen, bit by bit. I have an entire recycling bin filled with papers..most don't matter at this point. I'm praying nobody knocks on the door to come in!

Glad to know I am not the only one. We moved cross country right before Christmas and I have a 2.5 year old and a 12 week old. I swear I still feel like it is a good day if I can get a shower in....and I live in Dallas now where lord only knows how these women manage to be in designer outfits and full make-up at the crack of dawn!

I am mama to a dog and the past couple of weeks i've had to drop her at the sitter before work because the dog walker lost my condo keys and i haven't had a chance to replace them yet. each morning i scramble. i drive three minutes out of my way to the dog sitter - those city dogs of single parents need some attention during the long work day - and i'm still perpetually rushing. i don't know how i'll do it when i have kids. i carry a purse, a back pack and a lunch bag to work, plus a tumbler and a coffee cup. add a baby to the mix and i'll need a personal assistant.

Ha....that makes me laugh because I thought you were describing me! I think we're all in the same boat. I don't know when we stop running around like a "chicken w/ our head cut off". I have three girls and still I'm yelling to "hurry up" right before the bus is coming EVERY morning-ugh!

One thing has saved me. My Iphone calendar that alerts me up to 2 days ahead of an event all the way down to 30 minutes before! I calendar everything and I mean EVERYTHING! When I am leaving a doctor and make a follow-up appointment, I calendar it in my phone right then and set up two alerts. When I get the school calendar for the month, I calendar everything right then and set up alerts. When I say to my girlfriend, "Let's try to get together next weekend," I calendar for the Tuesday before, "Call friend about the weekend." It has made me so CODEPENDENT ... ugh, I mean more codependent. I love your blog! Vikki

"I'm the mom that sends her daughter to school in a dress, tights, and ankle boots on "gym day"

LOL...So am I.

Don't beat yourself up about it. We all have some aspect of our life that we can improve upon. Just take a deep breath and a look at the big picture. You have happy, healthy children. What more could you ask for?! {{virtual hugs}}

I agree with Jenny B - use the night before to plan! I am not organized but have forced myself to become so as the mother of 3 young ones (8, 6 and 2). So each night I pack backpacks, lay out the clothes, review the school calendars, lay the table for breakfast etc. Good luck with the unpacking but just don´t rush - it all eventually gets done!

I do it!! I am so disorganized. I have tried setting the clock an hour ahead....there is never enough time. The bus was coming down the road a few weeks back and he informed me it was blue & white day...only he was wearing yellow and brown. LOL Thank you for your honesty. xoxo

I'll just ditto what others have said, but we're all that mom. I know I am. Every day brings something new I didn't do or should have done better. But everyone's got their thing. No one is perfect, even if they look like they are. Plus, perfection is boring.

It will work out in the end. Your kids know you love them. Trust me, I have three adult daughters and they have forgiven me for not being super organized. Pretty soon, your kids will be old enough to remember their own stuff all by themselves. Hang in there.

And I am really not a gross person, but I confessed to my husband last night (Tues.) that I had not had a shower since Sunday!! Too much to do at home and personal hygiene is the first to go. He did ask me if I needed an ice pick this morning when I started to get in the shower . . .

I agree with all those who commented before me...it's ok not to be the perfectly organized mom. Sometimes it's hard enough to remember to brush our own hair let alone theirs sometimes! I would be a little cautious of the "perfect" mom...there has got to be some area in her life where she's not all together. We all have an area that could use a little improvement!

Girl, I don't think anyone has it "all" together -- it's just that some might hide it a little bit better ... which isn't necessarily a good thing. I'd rather be open and honest! Oh, and I tweeted the other day that I was the mom at the airport whose four year old was crawling under the seats in the waiting area to take photos of the airplanes. ;-) And I didn't care!

As the daughter of a mother who tried but was always stressed and scatterbrained, all I can say is don't worry! I turned out just fine. She loves me like crazy and that's all that matters, even if my 16th birthday party was a bust and she was always late to pick me up from school. She was running a business and raising three kids, so in hindsight, I can't blame her!

The one downside is that for the life of me, I can't learn how to be on time! I suspect my tardiness will only get worse when I have kids... someday.

Don't ask me...that is for sure! I can completely relate...in fact I often get a phone call at noon from my son at school b/c I FORGOT to give him his lunch. You would think after so many times, that I would learn...but no not I! My son often says to me...'why can you never remember stuff, mom?' And the icing on the cake...he is determined to be organized and responsible, the opposite of me, so he writes notes all over the house to himself with one simple word: RESPONSIBILITY! It's like a big slap in my face, every time I see the notes. But, hey I'm glad he doesn't want to follow in my footsteps. All I am saying it take it easy on yourself and think of me forgetting to feed my own son ;)!

I totally hear you! We have created a little area in the hallway. Each child has a clipboard. After school it is their job to put any papers on it I need to sign. In the morning before school, I take off the papers and sign them, or read over them, and put them back in their backpacks. If they fail to leave me imp. paperwork on their clipboard, I can't take the blame! :) In that same area I have printed out and posted imp. dates, like school movie night, roller skating party, library day, etc. It has helped us a lot! I also pack lunches the night before and leave it up to the kids to put them in their backpacks in the morning. We can't do it all! You are so not alone! :) Melaine

Nobody is perfect. If other moms leave you with that impression, it's because they don't have the guts to admit that their kids haven't bathed in three days, they are on day 5 in their own outfit, and yes, they are wearing two left shoes.

Two days ago I had a meeting at a coffee shop that I had to go into the bathroom to take off my coat. Why, you ask? Because I left the house so hastily, (dropping off the kids at school and daycare, running late as usual) that I wasn't sure I buttoned my shirt, sweater or pants. I still laugh about that one!

Don't worry, all the hell that we go through as moms, yeah, it'll be funny.........someday.

i think this post solidified it. you're fan-effing-tastic! listen, you DO have it together! you're talented and motivated, you're a caring mother and you have a family that loves you... in the long run, taylor won't care about all white day. so don't fret about it. my mom forgot kite day and i turned out just fine :)

Oh don't worry that much! There is no such thing as a "mom suit" or a "mom kit" that comes when giving birth....we are just trying to do our best and that's what really matters.

I'm so absent minded that I have to keep lists of what I have to do. So when Matthew was born 9 months ago I bought a white board and hung it on my fridge. I would write stuff like: sterilize bottles!, take sheets out of the dryer!, boil water!, and such...otherwise between me and all those day events that come with babies (like diaper disasters and such) I would never remember to do things. This board has really helped me so you could try that.

You could also try and make a schedule and hang it on your kitchen wall, that way you will see it often.

dont be so hard on yourself! your kids are happy, healthy and most importantly loved by a fantastic mum! I know it's hard not to compare ourselves to all the other mums around who "seem" to have it together but give yourself some breathing room and try to relax. And i can assure you those mums you think have it together are falling apart in some areas of their lives too -- they just might not admit it and i think that woman who do shoudl be celebrated and congratulated for being real, honest and refreshing. xoxox

First of all, preschool has a "wear white" day?? That seems counter-productive! :-)

We are getting quotes for new windows in the house. One estimator came by this morning and I'd forgotten he was coming. I was in a robe with hair in towel, my son running around in only a diaper, Cheerios smashed all over the floor and a sink full of dishes. Embarrassing, but the usual for us! And people think I have my act together, LOL! We are all struggling to keep the wheels on!

I agree that no moms have it ALL together. The more moms I've come to know, the more I see that we all strive for this unattainable perfection--but we all think the others have it so together! (I thought I new one "perfect mom", and constantly compared myself to her, but the longer I've know her, the more unhappy she seems. Her kids just don't have that kid "joy", and I know she doesn't enjoy close friendships with other women because she's unwilling to be vulnerable and imperfect. But man she has a system for everything, and a hair bow to match every outfit!)

What has helped me is learning to keep things in perspective, and laugh at myself. I'd rather be that woman who's happy, approachable and kind, raising happy, kind kiddos.

Practically speaking, I let my 4 year old dress herself for preschool. She always looks delightful, and its fast and easy in the AM. My kindergartener wears a uniform which I try to lay out the night before because often he runs out of clean pants and I like to know so I can throw in a small laundry load before bed. (Learned that the haaaard way one morning). Small laundry loads as-needed are my new lifesaver. Short wash and dry time, easy to put away.

The other thing my busy family can't do without is the calendar on the frige. I got a big pretty one at Paper Source and ONLY use pencil. I have a code so all the info doesn't get overwhelming: its (initial), time, reminder. like (E) 12:45 Ballet or (A)Party-Book!. Everything goes on here, and the other papers (notes from teacher, invites, etc, get thrown away. All details like addresses, etc. go into my little planner in my purse (Paper Source too--but someday, an iPhone). This is a little family command center that helps my husband and I keep things on the radar. If you want more practical tips, you can check out "Confessions of an Organized Home Maker", a book with lots of good ideas from a busy "perfect" mom.

And i'm about to have baby 3 in the summer just before my first daughter starts school. I need help and fast though i fear that i may never change. Still through all that i think i consider myself as happy so i wouldn't want to change too much! xx

There is no such thing as the perfect mom. EVERY one has a battle of some sort. Your may be not remembering its "wear white day" or bring in mini cupcakes to art class, but trust me Ms. perfect Patty who remembers every teachers birthday and plans her daughters wardrobes out three months to the day in advance with a color coded calendar to boot, has an eating disorder, severe emotional problems or is worrying about losing her job (I am using this as a mere example) My point is I assure you,everyone has something that is "their vice". It is not easy being together in todays frantic and manic world. Its crazy. I have a pretty simple system but it works (ok well95% of the time)I have a simple file folder, in a desk by the kitchen ( or whereever you put all your "stuff") everytime my son gets home, everything important goes right in that folder immediately until I can look at it. I know always everyhings in the folder. The folder never ever moves.DItto for my reliable big date book. Buy it at Staples, stays by my phone, never moves, everything gets written in there.....and last bought a rolodex and all numbers and contacts get put in there, 3 easy somewhat old fashioned things make my life a heck of a lot easier and I always know where they are...they NEVER move. Happy organizing..and relax, I bet you are doing a better job than you realize:)

Second, I work full time outside the home so I am crazed. As SOON as you get an event, invite, note from the school, put it in your smartphone calendar and put an alert on it. Make sure the alert is for 8 hours earlier or something to remind you the night before. I rely on this for the simpliest things and it helps.

Then, get one of those Monday-Friday clothes organizers and hang it in your kids closets. Set out ALL the clothes for the week on Sunday night and make sure to look at the calendar to see when "White Day" is and Gym Day...and put it in the bin.

Give yourself a break! I was good at remembering the right color and tennis shoes in preschool, but I wasn't running a business! Now that my three are older, I KNOW that it doesn't matter. Are they healthy, happy, nice kids?!! That's all that matters.

someone told me once that if you haven't been able to put yourself together, it's because you're not ready or comfortable with that, yet. I know, it sounds disturbing, but try not to put so much pressure on yourself! try to relax, doing one thing at a time, and allow yourself some procrastinating - most importantly - without feeling guilty about it!;-)

by the way, i've been following your blog for a while, you're good at putting things together! I mean it! =)

let me tell u...i have 3 girls,it sucks even harder now that they are all in school and all bring home papers and other important news! right when we get home i stand in front of my trashcan & empty out all 3 backpacks,hang papers on bulletin board & write it on my calender.RIGHT THEN!!! otherwise that special "wear white day"... forgotten as fast as i just read the flyer. take a deep breath- i am right there with you trying to keep up!!

Oh my Girlie! First - take a deep breath! (I raised 2 sons now 23 and 25) and I am one of those nutzo organized peeps (sorry!). When you first get home and the kiddies are having a snack and while you are talking to them about their day, empty the backpack, take note, make notes of upcoming events on a master calendar that you have on your fridge (go to google calendar and print one out). If money is needed for something, write the check right now and put it back into the backpack. After homework is finished - right back into the backpack - and then pack put right by the door that you go out in the morning. If extra clothes are needed, into the backpack the night before, if lunch is needed the next day, make the night before. If you need to put a huge note at eye level on the door that you go out to your car that reminds you to get the lunch out of the fridge then do it! KEY - EVERYTHING done the night before (kids clothes laid out - yours too if need be!). My kids got to the point that they learned to put the b-p by the door themselves after their homework was done and then in the later years, when the sports bag was needed it was there too! I made sure the boys were in bed no later than 8pm and then I had time to make sure all was in order the night before. It makes life SO much easier.Shannon....you can do it, now is the time to get it together, it will take pressure off of you as your sweet babies grow up! I wish I lived closer to you, I would come over and help you.BTW...my husband was in the military and we moved every 2 or 3 years for 30 years with only a couple of exceptions. I KNOW all too well being the new kid on the block. I had my second child on a Friday (in Alaska) and the movers came Monday and we were moving to Florida. You are a talented gal and I know it's hard with 2 little ones, but I know you can do it....just have a talk with yourself and change one thing at a time and in no time at all you will have new habits!Blessings to you.....xx

I love the designing & design Ideas. I always tried to crate different designs & new design. I see your posting .Your posting inspired to me & shows the idea how’s we create the different Design.Interior paint

We are ALL that Mom. I feel like that Mom too...today is a 1/2 day for my daughter and i had no clue!!!! People on the outside think I am the together Mom...but really I am not:) Hang in there. Once you are unpacked and settled it will be better:)

Man, did I relate to this post. I am SO the mom who does NOT have it together!! Just remember you have little bitties in the house, so it's normal to feel overwhelmed and a little scattered. It will get easier when they can cut their own meat and dress themselves, ha ha haaaa.

Your babies are happy and healthy and that's what matters. You're a wonderful mom!!!

Oh boy I can't claim to have it together but two things have helped me....The calendar is on a wall unobstructed also in a place I can't miss LOLand I check bags for notes as the children get in.I start packing lunches from the night before as well.Honestly I have to do this otherwise with 4 children I would go crazy.Hope this helps

Shannon,First of all there is no such thing is having it all, anyone who tells you differently is full of sh*t!!! Don't judge the days, look at the week instead and then it doesn't feel like a one bad day after another.

Here's what helped me when my kids were younger: put everyone's clothes out the night before and check your calender and notes then too. Put a load of laundry in every morning, even if it doesn't seem like a full load. And, don't try to be a great cook...anytime you can sit down as a family for dinner...is a good meal!

MY IPHONE SAFES MY LIFE! REMINDER ALERTS! PUT THEM TO GOOD USE!Make notes!Read them on your calendar in the kitchen or in the car!It helps! You have a lot on your plate, maybe have a good friend can help you too!

It gets easier as they get older and there are not as many "wear red", "bring an object that begins with the letter a" days. When my kids were 5 I made them start taking responsiblity for some of these things. It is ok for them to forget because wouldn't you rather them learn this lesson at 6 or 7 than at age 21? Now my son is 9 and he reminds me to sign his hw folder, gets his water before ball practice, packs his own snack, asks me to wash something that he must wear the next day, etc. I most certainly do not have it all together, but it does help when your kids get older and they can take some resposibilty for remembering things. Give yourself a break...you moved how many times in the last few years?

But how many of the" together moms" have such a pretty and organized blog?Hmm..they don't. I think those together moms are just better at faking it anyway. Im right there with ya but your doing a good job. Give yourself a pat on the back.

I'm the same way, and I beat myself up constantly with Mom guilt. Just love those kids and have fun, thats what is important and that is what they'll remember. Perfection is overated, creative chaos is way more interesting!

i must say, i got a kick out of this post. nobody has it fully together, unless they have an army of help :) for me, if i think of something that needs to get done, i am trying to just do it right away while i'm thinking about it....otherwise i'll forget. btw, love your blog.