After reading several statuses, on Facebook, in the past few days, I thought I should share this: I used to question why things have happened to me – why have people treated me as they have – referring to past relationships, past friendships, etc. I would get so tired of being used, hurt, talked down to, made to feel guilty, and rejected. Yet, I have never been one who enjoys drama (except the kind of drama found on TV and in movies – you have to have a little SVU, in your life!!). I steer clear of drama, every chance I get, trying to keep the peace, as much as possible. At times, I have felt manipulated, and only wanted around when needed; at times, I was. Many times, I felt played; many times, I was. But, it was easier to just keep my opinions to myself, to just do what I was asked, to give more than what was being received – not because I’m a pushover… again, I was keeping the peace. You see, I was always told to “be me.” I didn’t like how others were treating me. I didn’t want to be like them. So, I gave of myself, how I would hope others would be to me. I still do. While reading those certain statuses, that I mentioned earlier, I saw in them pain, hurt, bitterness, rejection. I saw anger, depression, and shame. I saw blame, manipulation, and control – blaming another for something (which, may have indeed been true), but allowing that persons actions to eventually control their own; hence, the cross-manipulation, bitterness, anger, resentment, etc. Sure, my life has not been the easiest. These last few years – 2010 & 2011 – were two of my hardest years. 2012, was on the verge of that as well, but during my hardest month, of 2012, I was told something that really struck me:

No one can control the actions of others. But, what can be controlled is how you allow others to treat you…and how you react to it.

“No one can make you feel inferior, without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt“Men will treat you the way you let them.” – Tucker MaxThe realization came to me… It is perfectly acceptable to “be me,” but it is also perfectly acceptable to set boundaries for myself. I cannot solely fault those, who have hurt or used me, for their actions, for it has been my actions that have decided, in the end, what “happened to me.” I said all of that, to say this… if you feel used, don’t allow yourself to be used again. Be you and be there for that person, yet set your boundaries! You may not be able to jump and fulfill their every need… DO THEY HELP YOU TOO? If you feel manipulated, don’t manipulate back… STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! YOU DESERVE BETTER! If someone hurts you.. TELL THEM.. TALK IT OUT.. DO NOT HURT BACK! (If you do, you’re only stooping to their level.) If you’re being played… again, you deserve better. Someone who loves you and cares about you will NOT play you… WALK AWAY!!!! If you have been rejected… that was that person’s loss… don’t keep looking at the door that’s closed.. there is someone else waiting for you to see them… OPEN THE NEXT DOOR!!! Be with the person that knows what they have when they have you… not after they lose you.You may think you have such a horrible life, but you’re making it horrible, by dwelling on what is done and cannot be changed. At this moment, you have the right to change your story’s ending. Start writing the next chapter. Stop worrying yourself, with the actions of others. Sure it’s ok to question, but start controlling the way you deal with it.You may have been the victim, but you have a choice whether or not to stay the victim. You also have the choice whether or not to be the next offender. FORGIVE AND MOVE ON!!!!!STOP POSTING YOUR PROBLEMS ON FACEBOOK…. and BE HAPPY FOR THE THINGS THAT ARE GOING RIGHT IN YOUR LIFE!!!Live life knowing that, no matter what others have done, or chose to do to you, you gave it your best shot… for yourself, and for others. Let people know how you want to be treated. Place your boundaries. Don’t lose yourself in others.Stop concerning yourself with trying to make someone else a better person… BE A BETTER YOU!!!Remember this…Disempowerment is YOUR CHOICE and ONLY YOURS!!! ~Bek

The other night, I went to see The Adjustment Bureau starring Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. I must say, I was enthralled — mostly because it really got me thinking. If you are unaware of what this film is about, I have included the plot summary to get you up-to-date:

“Do we control our destiny, or do unseen forces manipulate us? Matt Damon stars in the thriller The Adjustment Bureau as a man who glimpses the future Fate has planned for him and realizes he wants something else. To get it, he must pursue the only woman he’s ever loved across, under and through the streets of modern-day New York. On the brink of winning a seat in the U.S. Senate, ambitious politician David Norris (Damon) meets beautiful contemporary ballet dancer Elise Sellas (Emily Blunt)-a woman like none he’s ever known. But just as he realizes he’s falling for her, mysterious men conspire to keep the two apart. David learns he is up against the agents of Fate itself-the men of The Adjustment Bureau-who will do everything in their considerable power to prevent David and Elise from being together. In the face of overwhelming odds, he must either let her go and accept a predetermined path…or risk everything to defy Fate and be with her.”

I found it to be a great movie…one that kept me guessing and hoping throughout the whole movie. Yet, it wasn’t the actual film that fascinated me; it was the underlying messages that really “hit home with me.” I will do my best to explain….

The theme from the movie:

“If you believe in free will…..If you believe in chance….If you believe in choice…..FIGHT FOR IT!!”

Each and every one of us has a destiny. Each and every one of us has a path. Each and every one of us must make choices —We make choices each and every day that affect our path, our journey, our destination. Maybe it’s choices in our relationships. Maybe it’s choices of our salvation. Maybe it’s choices within ourselves.

WE ARE OUR OWN ADJUSTMENT BUREAU!!!

Some people believe that every choice we make will directly affect someone else’s life. While that is somewhat true, we must also realize that the other person also makes their own choices. For instance, in the movie, Matt Damon’s character begins thinking that if he chooses to stay with her, he will ruin her life and her dreams. But in the end, it all comes down to a choice — not only a choice that he must make, but a choice that she must make as well — a choice to follow their hearts, or leave their hearts behind.

You see, even if your choices affect others, in the end it is THEIR choices that inevitably change their own life, their own path, their own destination. We sometimes make our choices based on guilt, based on fear, based on others’ opinions or feelings. However, as this film pointed out, if you do not follow your heart and what you truly desire for your life, there will always be a void within you.

“If you limit your choices, only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.” – Robert Frtiz

I discussed this topic with my dear friend, Holly. What she had to say, I could not have even attempted to say it any better. These are her words, true words of wisdom:

“Humans like to say, ‘All things happen for a reason, God has my life laid out before me, so my destiny is completely in His hands.’ While God does have a plan for our lives, He gave us free will. Therefore, we are free to make our own decisions, and as a result we tend to alter God’s plan for our lives. Some shatter the God-vision for their lives, while others simply forge their own path in working toward God’s plan for them — proving still, while God has His hands on our lives, we are still the adjusters of our own path and destiny.”

It’s so easy to just drift through life, to go with the flow, and to just settle for what’s in front of us…. rather than seek what we truly want, stepping out into the unknown, and following after God’s plan for our lives.