July 03, 2012

The Last First Trimester

The thing about Third Baby is we were on the fence. We were happily on the fence, but still there. Third Baby fence-sitters, we were.

We talked about Third Baby often. The consensus was we would LIKE to have Third Baby, we were just not particular on WHEN. We did not want to go back to the RE. The infertility insurance vanished with my job and we weren't feeling baby-wanty-pain yet, in regards to Third Baby. After all, Charlotte only JUST turned one year old. No, Third Baby would have to be a straight-up miracle baby, or we were going to have to reallllllly want Third Baby, and be several years from now, to put ourselves (and our finances) through that a third time.

We were honest with ourselves. We knew our chances for having a miracle Third (free!) Baby were slim. Over the years it's been proven fairly unlikely we'd score a third kid on our own. Yes, we thought, this Third Baby is a very improbable thing, but it's fun to talk about and think about as something that might happen to us, if we got very lucky.

But, it's foolish to think it might actually happen to us. After all, we're not that lucky.

We trained our brains to be happy with two (and we are!) because a third child seemed SO FAR beyond a reasonable thing for a couple like us to want. (A twin pregnancy turned singleton with Claire, an exceedingly low beta that practically guaranteed an unviable pregnancy with Charlotte [she turned out to be a persistent little person], plus 19 failed cycles, very large needles, and big piles of cash.) We are lucky to have two.

I gave the baby stuff away. I sent all of my maternity clothes to Seattle. I gave my baby name book to my brother. I got weepy over the end of Charlotte's babyhood, thinking she was very probably my last baby. I told everyone who asked that it would be years before another kid, if we even DID have a third kid, which wasn't very likely.

(You see where this is going, yes?)

Then I found myself pregnant, almost exactly one year after Charlotte was born. Third Baby will be here in January, a mere 20 months after Charlotte arrived.

(Now we're a horrible, wonderful, infertility cliche. Maybe if you just relax! and all that. Oh, if only my past self could see me now.)

We're thrilled. Even though we really wanted a third kid some day, it was still a surprise that took a little getting used to, because it was just SO unexpected. We never allowed ourselves the luxury of dreaming the three-child dream. (I imagine this is what lottery winners feel like: they knew there was a chance to win, but a very small chance and expectations were set accordingly.) (FIVE! HOLY CRAP FIVE PEOPLE IN THIS FAMILY.) Jarring as it was, it has been so freeing to have the decision of when made for us. No more wringing of hands about whether to see the RE, no more injections or blood tests, no more hot tears of frustration.

Practically, if we're going to have three kids anyway, it feels somewhat sensible to be getting the diaper years behind us and getting onto the older kid, everyone-speaks-english and dresses themselves years. (Well, that's what we told ourselves when we figured out we'd have three kids in four years.) (Those cloth diapers are starting to look like a mighty, mighty fine investment right about now.) (THREE CHILDREN, ARE WE INSANE?)

I have moments of fear. I'm so frightened someone will get hurt this time. Have I been really lucky to have two healthy pregnancies and two relatively simple deliveries? Is this asking for trouble? I'm super intimidated at the idea of parenting three young kids.

I don't know how the carseats will fit, and we have to sell the airplane (it only has four seats). I am filled with dread at the pregnancy-related discomforts to come. It feels like I will never be thin again and the physical indignities of near-constant pregnancy and nursing for what will end up being six years will definitely take their toll on my body. Gaining and losing the same thirty-five pounds for a THIRD time will also definitely be bruising to my ego. I'll probably never sleep again, but that's the least of my worries. If I think about it too much, it sounds really tough (and exhausting) to have three young kids. The overriding thought I keep having is,

"Things will get so much harder before they get easier."

And...that's probably very true. (Well, I am GUESSING. People with three children, feel free to correct me. FEEL FREE.)

I console myself with the idea that our kids won't be so little and so whiny and so needy forever. It'll last a few years and then we'll be on to other things that require less round-the-clock attention. Mostly, I think about how much fun they'll be to watch grow up. And, when we're older, we'll have lots of people to take care of us. That part is nice to think about, too.

I never, ever thought I would have a family this size. For a long time I wondered if I'd ever have even one baby. And now, in a span of about four years, I'll have three. For some reason, knowing this is my last pregnancy makes everything in my life feel more grounded and firm than it ever has before. It feels as if a big piece of the story of our family, that we didn't quite know we were waiting on, has fallen into place.

And just like that, I can picture myself as an old woman, surrounded by my thousands of iPhone pictures and unedited videos, wondering if I ever really did have fits of worry about parenting three children. I am certain that one day I will remember this next year, this year of my last baby, with great fondness and joy.

I'm not sure if I've commented before, but I've read for a while and CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so happy for you, and third baby because he or she is so lucky to be born to such a great family!
Once third baby is here, especially for a while, you will laugh at your hesitations! You won't be able to imagine your life without third baby! I felt like going from one to two was SOOO much harder than two to three! At that point my older two could entertain each other some what. When I had my second child, I felt so guilty that my first born never had to share me and now had to adjust. For my third, I didn't feel that because at that point the older two were used to sharing my attention!
Anyway sorry for the novel, just a super long way of saying congratulations and you will be an awesome mom of three!!

So, so, SO thrilled for you and your family, A'Dell. You and Chris are going to make such amazing parents to this third little one, and Claire and Charlotte such wonderful big sisters. I cannot wait to follow along as things continue to unfold. Also I am totally bringing YOU cake the next time I see you :-)

Anyway, I am beyond excited for you. Congrats!!! Three kids will be so amazing, as will getting to watch Charlotte be a big sister. As for the craziness, even now with 2 I tell myself that it's just a season. I can do anything as long as I know there is an end somewhere in sight. Hope you're feeling good!!

Have to comment here too, because the news is too good. Yes, it does get much harder before it gets easier, but it doesn't get as much harder as it did with the second. The third is EASIER than the second. And is generally awesome. And you guys make really cute babies.

Oh A'Dell. This post brings me right back to MY "last first trimester" post when I was pregnant with my Charlotte, and all the reasons I was excited to be a family of five (FIVE!) and the car seats and the feeling of completeness and oh ALL OF IT. I am so so happy for you. I'm kinda crying a little. Congratulations. You will love it and you will ROCK IT.

When I announced I was pregnant with the twins (Elise was 19 months old when they were born) my mother said, 'this is the hardest thing you will ever do'. She was right, but the rewards have been tremendous! Congratulations to you A'Dell!

Congratulations! the same thing happened to us. Our second was an adorable 13 month old, toddling around, and my husband and I both agreed we wanted another, but "let's wait until he's two to start trying."

I got pregnant that month. Hello, suprisingly early ovulation! You've never happened before or since. It's like God said, "I heard BABY!" Bam.

Anyway, my 2nd and 3rd are 23 months apart. Yes, we had two in diapers. Yes, it was hard. But we even went on to have #4, who is now 1. It's wonderful and incredible and the seats will work out, don't worry.

Congrats!! I've been a lurker since right before Charlotte was born, but I just had to comment. As a woman who will likely struggle to get pregnant when the time comes, your post gave me so much hope! I'm so happy for all five of you!

I know I already congratulated you on Twitter, but I am JUST SO SO THRILLED FOR YOU. I get all tingly and teary, and grin from ear to ear about this amazing Third Baby who is on the way. What a fantastic, lovely surprise. Also? The second thing I thought, after YAY!, was, oh, they won't all fit in the airplane. Au revoir, little plane. I'm sad for you on that account. But, BABY! YAY.

A belated congratulations! I haven't been reading because I just had my third baby :) I have two girls and a boy...and I had originally hoped for a third girl for all the reasons you are. We did miraculously find a boys name, though, and our friends gave us so much boy clothing I can't store it all. Congratulations again -- I can't stop smiling for you and I don't even know you except through this blog :)