Life Coach, Complete Mind Therapy and Business Consultants in Olympia, Washington

Category Archives: Emotions

One of the most debilitating conditions humans can encounter is that of emotional pain, from loss, abuse or regret. Interestingly, we suffer this pain independently of any physical condition, yet the physiological distress can be as serious as the psychological discomfort.

Indeed our thoughts control our emotions, and our physiological wellbeing. When the past haunts us in our present state of mind, the past is not in the past as it keeps impeding on the present becoming a component of “now,” instead of being safely stored in the past where it belongs.

When one has suffered a psychological trauma (which can be demonstrated physiologically as illness or disease) as a result of something that has happened in the past (like, post traumatic stress disorder, for instance), the standard response from someone who hasn’t walked a mile in your shoes is, “Just get over it. The past is the past.”

Ah, “the past is the past;” the mantra of the psychopath. That’s what a psychopath says when he or she has committed a significant transgression, and expects you to disregard the past because it cannot be changed (here’s where they insert assertions about how much they’ve changed, assuring you that you would never be at-risk again) all in an effort to set you up for the next unexpected blow.

Psychopaths are unique in that they have no feelings, no feeling of love, remorse, guilt… they are psychologically bullet-proof (or bankrupt)… they have no need to seek forgivenes, nor do they accept responsibility for their missteps… To those of us who suffer emotionally from being abused, wronged or traumatized, this would be considered a superpower… and in some ways, it is.

Bottling up suppressed emotional trauma related to the past weighs heavily on the normal operating condition of the human body and is not an effective approach to dealing with PTSD.

Thankfully, there are therapeutic models that help people deal with traumatic incidents that have been experienced in the past that continue to thwart our sense of well-being. Enter what I refer to as, “Time Machine Therapy.”

I know that the idea of a time machine seems like a bit too much science fiction for the average person… but time travel has been accomplished using the power of the mind for thousands of years, though some intellectuals insist that it’s only been about 150 years… It doesn’t really matter how long it’s been, what does matter is that it is an effective process that can have valuable healing power today.

With access to this potent therapeutic modality we have challenged that famous catch-all phrase, “the past is the past,” because now, we have a method not only to access the past, but to manipulate or even change the past.

It’s also important to have access to the skills that it takes to let go of the past, to disconnect the physiological connection that leads to discomfort and stress. There are many methods available to help you overcomes traumatic loss or change in your life, and to put you back in the driver’s seat of your life.

Being distracted by the concerns about one’s past makes it difficult to navigate one’s present. That is why it is imperative to deal with the issues of the past for a normal person (does not apply to psychopaths or sociopaths) in order to not have your cognitive resources bogged-down with the burden of yesterday.

It is imperative to begin to live in the present, and together, we can get you from there to here and powerfully empowered to be the best that you can be.

You might ask, “When accessing or altering the past, do we still retain the lessons learned?”

That’s a good question; and the answer depends on the client. In most cases, we can retain the memories, disconnecting the feelings connected to them. In rare cases, entire memories need to be altered or erased in order to preserve a healthy perspective of the client.

A common response to that is, “That sounds like brainwashing!”

You may associate a lot of negative associations to the idea of tampering with one’s memories, but this is done at the request – and with the full cooperation and consciousness – of the client; and in times of emotional crises time machine therapy is a healthy alternative to a condition that might otherwise be unmanageable.

In the event that wiping the slate clean is necessary, the client is always equipped with the combination to the mental safe that keeps those memories locked safely away, if it becomes important to access them once again.

Once you are in charge of your life again, you will find yourself making positive progress, changing your future and the world for the better. You may feel regret from opportunities that were lost as a result of your previous struggles with issues from you past – as though you have lost a piece of your past that may have been better spent – and may have thought that you lost your chance for this or that… Not true. Once you are back in the present you can be and do more than you may have every imagined because you are more empowered and aware than ever before.

You will no longer be limited by false inhibitions or past burdens. Everyone deals with the issues of their past in different ways, and we maintain a quantity of tools and techniques that ensure that you can have a positive outlook for you and those whom you care about.

Religious or Spiritual Abuse Recovery

Olympia Life Coach offers hope for victims of religious or spiritual abuse. It is not uncommon for someone who has suffered at the hands of a religious organization, leader, spiritual mentor or counselor to recoil from the event in a negative way.

Of course this type of abuse can take many forms… The abuse could be psychological or emotional in nature or physiological including everything from physical abuse to (thankfully more rare) sexual indiscretions. Primary psychological assaults include the loss of individuality or self-worth in an attempt to promote single-mindedness and ease of group management, loss of personal rights, intimidation and dominance.

Spiritual and religious organizations’ leadership rosters are often infiltrated by sociopathic or psychopathic individuals who are driven to exercise control over others whom they see as lesser or subservient. In the event that you have had the unfortunate encounter with such an overbearing individual; you must know that he or she may not be an adequate representation of the group or organization that he or she represents.

What happens if you ask questions or question authority? In a spiritually abusive environment one may experience ridicule for asking questions and you may sense an increasingly hostile response with threats of excommunication or threats of eternal consequences.

An extremely exclusive organization may promote isolation from outsiders, cutting ties to non-believers promoting an “Us vs. Them,” attitude. Other signs you might be subjected to potential spiritual abuse may include multiple markers indicating levels of spirituality (and/or entitlement), penalties for non-compliance and financial exploitation.

You may have been the victim of religious or spiritual abuse if:

A religious organization or spiritual leader

Defrauds via deception

Manipulates

Exercises forms of mind control

Emotionally exploits

Psychologically abuses

A spiritually-based group that

Has a dual reality (insiders vs. outsiders)

Secret rites or insider’s only, “truths”

Critically denounces outsiders

Expresses dire consequences for non-members

Enforces compliance

An organization that

Denounces criticism

Maintains a false public image

Requires donation of one’s personal belongings

Claims to have ultimate “enlightenment”

Practices an elitist perspective

Protecting one’s self from dangerous, compromising or litigious circumstances is completely normal and necessary for self preservation, yet our defensive response is in the form of overcompensation. It’s not uncommon for a victim of this kind of abuse to turn their backs totally on all things of a spiritual nature.

Believing in a higher power can be one of the most empowering forces in your life; to completely reject the entire concept based on a single episodic experience, could have a devastating effect one’s overall quality of life.

Regardless of the excessive intensity of your experience, you can be among the many survivors of religious or spiritual abuse, with your faith firmly intact. Although you may have isolated yourself from all things spiritual in order to put a stop to the abuse, you can reclaim your spirituality in a positive and life-affirming way.

Whether you are struggling with these issues from occurrences of this kind of abuse in the past, or if you are concerned about victimization that may be taking place in the present, there is hope for you to realize a continued spiritual life, free from bondage or pain as a result of the person(s), group or organization who may have, or may be exploiting you, either indirectly or maliciously.

Unresolved spiritual abuse can have continued negative impact on one’s life harboring resentment, lack of trust, difficulty in inter-personal relationships; blocking personal achievement, abundance, happiness and preventing you from achieving your highest and best.

Olympia Life Coach will help you heal from your abusive past so that you can go on with your life no longer being a victim. Take charge of your life, and don’t let this experience from experiencing all the best things this life has to offer by phoning (206) 395-4870 to start your healing process today.

Victims of Psychopathic Relationships

Olympia Life Coach helps and supports victims of psychopaths. Suffering at the hands of a psychopath can have devastating results. At the very least, they will drain all of your energy, leaving you broken and alone and they may have drained all of your financial resources, leaving you broke and alone.

If you think you might be suffering at the hands of a psychopath, it might be a good idea to know how to identify whether the person responsible for your suffering is a psychopath. So, how can you identify a psychopath?

Here are some signs that you might be dealing with a psychopath:

Psychopaths are charismatic and are able to attract supporters easily. They are wonderful speakers who are able to engage their audience who can easily engage the emotions and attention of those fortunate enough to be in their presence. They exaggerate stories skewing the truth for their self-serving benefit, and will go as far as to lie and place themselves in someone else’s story and claiming it is their own.

Psychopaths are intellectual. They have a gift of having incredibly sharp wit and intelligence enabling them to masquerade as highly-educated, bob and weave in live situations. This also makes them excellent con artists able to conceive, plan and execute elaborate schemes, while (mostly) staying one step ahead of the authorities.

Psychopaths are devoid of feelings. They do not grieve, are in capable of feeling guilt, shame or remorse, empowering them to easily victimize anyone. They will enthusiastically engage in anything that bolsters their position at someone else’s expense. They do not love. They are incapable of giving or receiving love, but terribly acute at acting as though they are in the throes of love, if it will help them achieve a desired result. They are great actors/performers with no real feelings whatsoever.

Psychopaths are impulsive, often acting or speaking without thinking through potential consequences of their words or actions, and are more likely to take risks, being free of repercussion, since they see themselves as above the law or the constraints of the social norm.

Psychopaths never lose. They will dominate anyone who gets in their way, will vehemently defend their position, often by telling lies and spinning wild tales in an effort to discredit naysayers.

Psychopaths are never wrong. They never apologize; do not feel remorse for hurting others and are incapable of feeling guilt. If asked to apologize, will often strike out and attack their victim, rather than admit they may have made a mistake or misstep.

Psychopaths believe their own press. Once they have said something, it becomes gospel in their mind; so much so, that they can often believe their own bold-faced lies, even to the point of being able to pass a lie detector test. They keep a long list of secrets, and are not forthcoming about intimate details of their past, unless they are fictitious.

In most all cases, the victims invariably ask, “Why me?” This is often followed by feelings of self-doubt, taking responsibility for the loss to the extent of blaming themselves and even self-ridicule.

The truth is, it is not your responsibility, any more than it may have been your responsibility for being hit by a drunk driver; except in this case the drunk driver did carefully seek you out and ran over you on purpose!

If your currently in a relationship with a psychopath (either professional or personal) you might ask, “Why not have the psychopath seek treatment?” You might think that your psychopath is not truly a psychopath, but simply displaying the symptoms of psychopathic due to some life circumstance.

You are an authentic human being and you would not purposely do something to harm or defraud another person, so why would this person of whom you are quite fond of – and may even love – act out in such a nefarious fashion? Surely he (or she) would not treat someone who cares about them so much this way unless there was some deep-seated issues that caused them to act-out like this…

Certainly, normal people may temporarily act in a manner similar to that of a psychopath if under some extreme type of stress, but for the psychopath it is a life-long condition and there is no successful form of treatment for their psychological disposition.

That is why Olympia Life Coach specializes in reaching out to and supporting victims of psychopaths. This is a special calling. Victims of psychopaths have a wide range of pain, needs, resources and options. The range of techniques and tools available vary significantly based on each individual circumstance.

The needs of the victim whose relationship has been forever severed are completely different from the needs of someone who must navigate an ongoing relationship with a psychopath.

If you think that you can benefit from Olympia Life Coach services in either your dealings with or consequences from a psychopathic relationship, please feel free to call us at (206) 395-4870 to see if we are a good fit to get you back on you path to wellness and wholeness as we walk hand-in-hand down the road to your recovery.

Crime Victim Recovery

Realizing that you have been victimized in some way by crime can have a devastating effect on one’s life. One can become a victim of crime in many different ways. Some examples of the types of crime victims that we help at Olympia Life Coach include:

Adolescent Victims of Abuse

This could be a young, underage person who has been physically or emotionally victimized either by another adolescent or adult and may include molestation, or physical abuse resulting in injuries, like, bruising, broken bones or other maladies. This could be an immediate issue, or one that has continued to cause suffering through adulthood.

Adult Physical or Emotional Assault or Abuse

Again the spectrum covers the widest range of forms of assault or abuse. Assault or abuse can include everything from psychological manipulation or mind-control techniques to physical threat of violence or the use (real or implied) of a deadly weapon.

Gang Violence

The obvious negative effect of gangs on or society is the victimizations of others who may or may not be actively involved in the gang environment; and may include all forms of crime, violence and/or victimization.

Random Act of Violence

Occasionally victims of violence are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time when a violent act occurs. This is the most difficult type of violence to rationalize, due to its randomness. Acts of terrorism may result in violence that may be experienced as random.

Sexual Assault/Abuse

Obviously these crimes are sexual in nature but also cover a wide breadth of possible assaultive or inappropriate methods that can have an emotional impact on the victim. This category includes sexual harassment, inappropriate touching, rape, incest, exhibition or pornography without consent.

DUI or DWI Victim

These victims have special needs because there may be no logical rationalization for the victimization except for maybe being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Unlike a random act of violence, there is a definitive underlying cause of either driving under the influence or driving while intoxicated while piloting a 3,000 pound weapon. Victim may also include the driver operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol or drugs, presenting a completely different set of emotional issues.

Human Trafficking

You might be surprised to know that human trafficking is alive and well in the USA. Often we associate human trafficking as something that only happens elsewhere.

Property Loss, Robbery, Theft, White-collar Crime

This is the most annoying type of crime for our judicial system… After all, “How would you feel if someone took something from you?” Of course the perpetrator wouldn’t like, it… but their answer is simply to re-steal it from someone else. Many thieves are psychopaths or sociopaths who have no conscious or regard for others; no social boundaries.

Usually these crimes are less violent and involve deception and manipulation to facilitate loss or injury but may have a violent influence by integrating a threat of violence (or presence of deadly weapon) in the con. May include identity theft, embezzlement or fraud whereby the perpetrator gains unfairly at the expense of the victim or arson.

Stalking

Stalking includes any unwanted contact between two persons and can occur at home, at work, or now even online. Thankfully, our judicial system has supported an effort to curtail stalking and has initiated laws to protect you from stalking and cyber-stalking.

Vulnerable Adults

Some adults, who are advanced in age or may have a physical or mental dysfunction or disability, may be more susceptible to becoming a victim of any crime. Realizing this, our government has passed new laws that offer protection and more severe penalties for defending the rights of vulnerable adults.

Elder abuse and fraud falls under this category also.

Homicide Survivors

Friends, relatives and loved-ones of murder victims often suffer emotionally and the grief from underlying unresolved issues can be debilitating.

This brief list is not by any means complete, but gives you the idea of the types of crime victims that can benefit from working with an Olympia Life Coach to stop the victimization, cessation of continued pain and discomfort and moving on victoriously in a positive manner.

Victims of crime can suffer from a variety of physical and emotional pain. Examples of issues of victims commonly addressed in our sessions include:

Loss of sense of security and/or fearfulness

Ruminating or the re-playing of the event or circumstances ad nauseam

Haunted by dreams, nightmares or sleep depravation

Social withdrawal or detachment

Internalization, guilt or self-blame

Memory of concentration dysfunction

Poor self-image, helplessness

Bleak future outlook

Lack of trust

Know that you are not alone. We are experienced in dealing with victims who struggle with these symptoms of crime victimization, and are well-equipped to help you deal with these and many other issues that you might be struggling with.

Let us help you review your recovery options and put you back in control of your life.

Betrayal Wounds and Scars

It is not uncommon for people to struggle with issues and the aftermath of betrayal. The emotional wounds from these breaches of trust can inflict sufferers in physiological ways. The emotional pain from betrayal can be as devastating as being stabbed in the back with a knife (thereby justifying the origin of the saying).

Have you been emotionally, “stabbed in the back,” by someone whom you have trusted?

Betrayers come in a wide variety of flavors. Some can be relatives and/or loved ones, sometimes the most intimate love-relationship that one can have with another human being. You may experience betrayal by a friend, co-worker or mentor.

Because we all have different life experiences and personalities, we all respond to betrayal in different ways. A specific betrayal may be of little effect to one person, while another may suffer exponentially; this suffering can be primarily internal, or may express itself externally, or physiologically.

When betrayal has been recognized, the emotional open wound is fresh and the pain may be great. After a while, the pain fades and the emotional scar tissue begins to form. One’s mind begins to filter all information as being potentially harmful, and you may begin to take on the attitude that, “I’m not putting myself out there again,” in a fearful effort to isolate yourself from the possibility of experiencing a similar type of pain in the future.

It is one’s natural fight-or-flight response to protect one’s self from pain and it makes perfect sense… but the cost can be enormous.

The worst thing that can happen to someone suffering from betrayal of trust, is to run the self-preservation-routine resulting in embitterment and over-protecting one’s self in an attempt to prevent anyone from being able to hurt you in such a way again.

The problem with this is; you know, in your heart, that you have so much to give. The sensitive people have special gifts and abilities that help to make the world a better place; they increase the quality of life for others (some who may be extremely less fortunate). Building protective walls around you will also result in cutting off exposure to others who need your light and influence.

The bitterness and fading pain of betrayal breeds a more cynical outlook on life and also comes at a physiological price that may lead to autoimmune deficiencies, illness and a laundry list of diseases.

If left unhealed, little by little, the light of those who illuminate our local community begins to fade and as it fades dramatically, so does the overall general outlook for us (or the world) as a whole.

Since there is no law against betraying another person (although some laws may be broken in the process of the betrayal), those who are emotionally less-equipped to care about the feelings of others run rampant throughout our society victimizing the empathetic shining stars with little regard to the negative impact their actions might have.

If you are suffering from betrayal, scheduling a one-on-one session with an Olympia Life Coach can have an immediate calming effect on your peace of mind and quality of life.

You do not have to be a victim. Instead, you can learn from this event and turn it around. In fact you may find that this event can hurl you into an empowered and optimistic future that can change the future of others and the planet in such a way to bring clarity and focus to your life.

Utilizing specialized skills, Olympia Life Coach will work with you hand-in-hand to put you back in control of your emotional wellbeing.

You can do this; without giving up on being a blessing to others, and continue to achieve your highest and best.