The etiquette of asking someone to repeat themselves

Did you just say something? Did I miss it? Pardon? Sorry? What? Could you repeat that? Eh? Hm? Well, exactly. What to say when you haven’t quite heard something is a deeply contentious issue. Marriages have dissolved, nannies have been sacked, flirtations abandoned, multimillion-pound contracts lost. This is explosive territory. And, as ever, we are not here to judge but to help. And, seeing as context is all, we have contextualised...

Pardon?

Many of you will believe that ‘pardon’ is only polite. Refined. Well-mannered. And you are right. But it will alienate as many as it impresses. ‘Pardon’ is a bit like a matching sofa and armchairs; de rigueur in some circles, déclassé in others. Nannies and schools will often educate children to respond with a nice, polite ‘pardon’ that will rather horrify patrician parents. But the thing about ‘pardon’ is, it is certainly polite and respectful – which is not to be underestimated. ‘I beg your pardon’ in all its hauteur is rather flourishy and almost certainly sarcastic in the least entertaining way possible.

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What?

This is considered rather smart but while it may be satisfying to say (bark), it is less satisfying to hear (suffer). A velvety, murmured ‘what’ is indeed rather alluring, particularly when paired with one of those sardonic little watery aristocratic smiles. But ‘what’ is far more likely to be snapped or even roared. Children find it especially hard to deliver a polished ‘what’ and are extremely likely to appear spoilt and even thuggish. And so, although accepted high-born wisdom tells us that ‘what’ is the way forward, we recommend approaching it with caution. For fear of looking like an arrogant arsehole.

Excuse me?

Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me. Precisely. Hard to deliver this unless you want to sound wildly camp. Like, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert camp. Alan Carr camp. Or American. These are basically your choices. How do you feel about that? Camp, American or as though you’ve just farted.

Sorry?

Widely recognised as the middle way. No one can accuse the speaker of being either naff or snappy. Usefully, ‘sorry’ merely apologises for not having heard what was being said. And you can’t really argue with that. It’s lightly humble. Not prostrate-yourself-on-the-floor humble, but humble nonetheless. This is particularly elegant when the person who has been misheard or not heard is a mumbler. So winning to pretend it’s our fault when it’s not, no?

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Could you repeat that?

Well, this is admirably direct; reassuringly straightforward. Is it a little corporate? No matter. The only trouble is, if you say ‘Could you repeat that?’ more than once in a conversation, then you begin to sound, if not aggressive, then quite mad. Best reserved for talking to doctors and lawyers.

Eh?

Said with a comedy accent of some kind, this is rather diverting. Delivered with true lightness of touch, it is rather charming. Sensible to use on a strictly case-by-case basis due to the risk of sounding mentally subnormal.

Hm?

This, we feel, is rather marvellous. Cosy, conspiratorial. Faintly rule-breaky but, when hummed with an upwards inflection, murderously flirtatious. ‘Hm’ is a technique that one has to grow into. You will know when you are ready.

This article was first published in the September 2017 issue of Tatler magazine