when a man tells you he loves you but he’s drunk

This inspiration came from my ex roommate/boyfriend. And partly my ex husband. For the purposes of this post I concentrate primarily on the ex boyfriend. Even though we are still friends(which my therapist thinks is amazing and now I’m asking myself why) he provides writing inspiration and new things to work through. Albeit negative inspiration.

Drunk defined, Google search: “affected by alcohol to the extent of losing control of one’s faculties or behavior.”

Most of what he said that has caused emotional turmoil were things said when he was drunk/drinking. So I did a little research on this topic after stumbling into it.

After a bit of research it appears alot of people say things they don’t mean or only half mean when they’ve had alcohol. The reason is spirits change the chemical makeup of the brain. Much of what he said had to do with love, etc. and online messages from other people revealed a similar phenomenon with the women not understanding the men they were with. There shouldn’t be any confusion. It’s all drunk talk. It’s possible that some people do mean some of what they say when drinking but most of it is simply drunk ravings/rantings. You know the old adage, “Crying in your beer”, well it’s true.

I read several messages online from women whose men would tell them they loved them and wanted to be with them when they’d had a few too many but when sober would recant their statements. My ex boyfriend did the same thing. One night after having way too much to drink he told me he was falling in love with me. I didn’t put any stock in it and didn’t respond. I’d heard plenty of drunk talk in the past from my ex husband and dad so this was nothing new to me. Later, for whatever reason, I brought it up. Probably to rub his nose in his drunken stupidity but it didn’t get that far. He became angry right off the bat. And on subsequent occasions when it was it brought up. It wasn’t that I got angry because he didn’t mean it(well maybe a little), the fact he wouldn’t admit it angered me. I felt all he had to do was apologize for saying things that could be hurtful because under other circumstances had I truly believed him I would have been terribly hurt when he essentially took it back. Plus, he did what most drunks do and tried to put it back on me by saying this is just what he did when he’d had too much. He did alot of BSing, according to him. That’s not an excuse for speech that could be misconstrued. It also isn’t acceptable. Whether the receiver believes what is being said isn’t the issue. The issue is the person speaking the untruths and trying to deny saying them.

Often times when people are drinking they “cry in their beer” and think about being lonely and wanting someone. They may not necessarily want who their with but they want someone. Of course in a spirit haze they aren’t clear about their intent and realize when sober they should have kept their mouths shut. Out of fear of losing or hurting the person they’re with they either lie or cover it up. My experience was complete denial.

Whatever the scenario, remember that people who’ve had too much to drink often wallow in self pity and loneliness and act stupid. Over time alcohol shrinks the brain so no surprise here. The problem is alot of what a drunk says doesn’t sound stupid so it can be hard to tell if it’s the truth or a lie or something in between. The best thing is not to believe anything they say when impaired. A problem with this forewarning is once you can’t believe something someone says it’s hard to believe anything he/she says and can severely impact trust. And it’s hard to build a relationship without trust.

My advice is to walk away from anyone who starts saying things he/she won’t say when sober. It doesn’t matter the reason. These people are a waste of time. I’m still friends with two people that fit in this category but I know there will never be a romantic relationship. With one, I had hoped that maybe one day there would be but I know for a variety of reasons and excuses on his part there never will be. In all actuality you should walk away from anyone who makes conflicting statements whether drunk or sober. Their words can’t be trusted and speaks very lowly of their maturity level. A truly mature man will not say stuff he doesn’t mean or take his words back later and most definitely won’t blame someone or something else. He will be a man about it. Mature men own who they are and take responsibility for their actions good or bad. This applies to women as well.

Would you take a man seriously when he utters I love you if he’s been drinking?