So, this morning I discovered that I have a new standard for when my make up is done. I sit on my bed – a full 15 feet away from the mirror and put on eye liner and colors – like lipstick – until I can see my face without my glasses on.

No, no glamour here – however, I work in a place with more silver and gold outfits than vegas – so I don’t think anyone notices!

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Hmm, interesting question. I did it for the reason I have done most of the stupid things in my life. I gained weight because of a boy.
Now, before you go thinking I hooked myself up with a “feeder“, I will tell you all something personal.

If you really don’t want to know what goes on in the deep dark, personal bits of me – you should probably stop reading right about NOW. Okay, you have been warned.
I don’t really advertise it, and it doesn’t really matter in my everyday life – but I am one of the 1 in 4 women you know who was um, sexually violated and suffered abuse at the hands of a man. I was 21 years old, had gone to a RAVE and was assaulted by the security guard working at the closed motel where the party was.
I am really not much of a party girl – now or then – I was there because Kevin’s date showed up and I had nothing to do but listen to a broken television that got channel 5 on audio but no picture.
Anyway, this guard was a young man I knew – and personally, I thought he was a little “special needs” before then because I never spent time with him. I liked his mother and his sisters well enough . . . but I was not interested in him. But, I have digressed. Suffice it to say, he gave me a room to sleep out the party in – as I was not into the scene unfolding there. He woke me up in the morning and told me I could not go home until he ****’d me. A small struggle ensued – obviously I lost.
I tried to act like that didn’t matter and like it was normal and to that end I tried dating him , except that I was always puking when he got near me. I tried telling him to leave me alone, but he would find ways into my apartment. He and I were part of the same circle of friends, I didn’t have the words for what had happened and it was years before I did. What eventually helped me the most was a letter that he, of all people, wrote to me where he said “I can see how you might call what I did rape. I did not mean to hurt you.”
Eventually, I went to see a doctor because I couldn’t sleep, I felt like crap and I was utterly depressed. I did not know I had missed my cycle because I had spotted, and the doctor told me I “had stress”. Can I just tell you that “That Stress” is a 15 year old high school student now? -( But wait, it gets better. This happened 2.5 weeks after the last time I slept with a boy I really loved. By the time I found out that I was pregnant… he was already in love with someone else and this was before the OJ trial. Not knowing who her father is has saved my life and sanity at various points in the last decade and a half. )I have been raising her own my own with help (and fussing) from my family. She is awesome and I adore her.
What I did not adore was this security guard. He was, however repulsed by his mother’s physical appearance – she weighted over 300 pounds. I decided that if I could get to that size, he would leave me alone.
It did. But I can’t live like that. I went to years of therapy and started dating and now I am taking my body back. It feels good.
What made me think of this today? Well, his wife sent me a Facebook request and was obnoxious when I explained that , while I am sure she is a lovely person., I don’t want my friends, family, and personal life available for this man to look at because I won’t feel safe.
Anyway, that was on my mind today . . . and now I have shared instead of eating a Hershey Bar.

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I just moved to the area and unwisely made a comment about the reading advertising on a trash truck. I got a responce which helped me to look closer at The Burbank Library.

The summer reading program looks fun.
I came to volunteer for the literacy tutoring – what I lack in spelling – I make up for in my teaching abilities.

Sadly, the branch closest to me – the Northwest branch – closed at 6 pm and I am at work until 5:30 pm. I did the creepy thing, though, and sat in my car and watched the kick off of the summer reading program. the entertainment was awesome and engaging. Ahh, gaveme flashbacks of making pipecleaner book worms and listening to little kids re-cap their stories when I was a teen volunteer.

Reading the book reports of the older kids was a kick too – especially the ones where the children would change the tone in the second paragrapg to say something like “okay library nerd – I know no one is really reading this and I am only writing it because my mom is lurkingin the door way watching me. I read the book , isn’t that enough for you people. It has already been written once – so why do I have to write about it?”

Seriously, my mom ( she is a little intense ) used to correct my summer reading logs and book reports and then chech them for hand writing before I cold turn them in. I remember that this was serious business to her. She was a teacher until they adopted their favorite child. To this day, I have the best handwriting around and my adult friends still ask me for help on reports and papers. (Annette!)

I do, however, have a 15 year old child that needs something to do on Fridays . . . do you have volunteer needs she can fulfill?

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Free plug for the best service idea of all time – help and guidance in dealing with car sales men!Ed Car Guy I will give you a Dollar if you go visit this blog and leave a comment. This is my friend Ed, and he makes getting a new car soooo much easier and less scary. Actually, he is my friend because he is a stand up guy who is very wise (don’t tell him I admitted that) and fun. He does free seminars at the Burbank Credit Union.

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seriously – Who else would look at the side of a trash truck and assume the message is for them. Hey, Burbank Library – HUH? What gives?
And , by the way, if I know what your sign says – then I already know how to read.

This could be a really good “Who’se on first” situation.

me: “Hey, Annette, what does the truck say?”
her: “Learn to read”
me: “If I knew how to read I would know what the truck says. What does the truck say”
her: The truck says BEEP BEEP and the wheels on the bus go round and round – seriously LEARN TO READ”
me: “You suck!”

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Not really a food or fat related issue – except that anytime girls gather it is a food issue . . . you know we like to eat in groups – it helps explain the timing of our herd like exodus to the restroom later.
Anyway – I have a friend who is “All drama, All the Time” and I have come up with a name for the explosions and overflow of hormones and emotions : Drama Drop.
May I just remind you all that poor mental health is absolutley no excuse for bad behavior. Also:wildly emotionally charged and varied text messages are really not welcomed if I really don’t think you are spending more time worrying about your issues than you are asking me to spend.
Now, I am a cranky little witch with a wicked mind, sharp toungue and – as I have been told several times this weekend – blunt manner. I have been known to throw down a few B*ch fits of my own and actually mail a few presents back (Sorry Becky, Char and Sara) when I felt the cost of the present was more important to the giver than I (the recipient) was. But I promise you – if I say I am mailing your gifts back – that present is already in the mail. My greedy butt isn’t holding on to it just to make a dramatic threat.
I will pitch a fit when I feel hurt to let you know that I am hurt and I want you to pay attention to me – this weekend I watched a woman I know try to hurt her best friend who was only showing extreme love and affection. Seriously – WTF?!?!
Advise: If you are watching TV and you think you see your “Stalker” on television . . . change the channel!

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Who and What? And Why are you want to read this . . .

My name is Sonya and I have always been short, fat and cranky - only these days I am less fat (I hope) August 2008 I had Bariatric Surgery through Kaiser at Scripps in San Diego.

This is the log of my changes, my food, my questions, and my friends who also had the surgery. Tweet me, write me, stalk me here or email me if you have questions, concerns or snide remarks. - Do remember that you had fair warning about me being cranky, and oh yes – I write like I speak: A LOT!