Monday, June 29, 2015

We keep repeating our patterns until we finally learn . . .

Yikes !#$%^$%^^*!

I was punched in the faceyesterday by an interesting pattern in my life.OUCH!~and double OUCH! Guess why.Because (I allow) the same person to keep triggering me and pushing my buttons, and rather than detach, I got sucked into the emotionally toxic tornado and reacted---I got frustrated, sad, furious, and sad again. And then really pissed!I felt like a victim having a hissy-fit slash temper-tantrum.Know why I was mad? Another person's values are not the same as mine--and because of this, we each behave in different ways and we each prioritize things differently. And guess what? As I was having my fit, I realized that I was exhibiting the same behavior that had apparently triggered me. Funny how that works.Now, you may wonder why I don't walk away from this relationship, but sometimes that is just not possible--in which case, the practice of detachment without judgement can come in handy; after all, I want the same from others, right? Not so easy--especially when I am reacting already--which is definitely not a place of choice . . . (thank you for the opportunity, Universe. I think) . . . Very often the most difficult relationships can be my best teachers--I know this to be true, but sometimes it just sucks. The good thing is, that after about ten or twenty minutes of reacting and getting myself worked up into a tightly wound knot (I almost threw up!), I caught myself and began to intentionally breathe deep and long. No coincidence that I just started another 15-day meditation practice and I learned this breathing technique yesterday in the bathtub on DAY ONE: "Quiet Your Mind." The introduction for today read: The most powerful tool for quieting the mind is the breath. It has the ability to both calm and revive you. By learning to focus on your breath, you become more aware of your total body, and less susceptible to the harrowing effects of life’s stressful situations.

Things were looking up and I felt more in control. I went outside to calm down, get some fresh air and breathe, and I found a package on my front steps. I took it as a sign (of course). I mean, who doesn't want a package?

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About (funfree)Me!

I am a writer, storyteller, teacher, blogger, philosopher, spiritual collagist, mama, LoVer of LiFe!, amazing friend, and one cOoL pUsSy cAt!!
I has been teaching middle school English for over 25 years and hold a Ph.D. in curriculum and instruction with a focus in literacy. My interests in reflection and spirituality stem from my research in adolescent identity formation (translation: how we grow up and become more fully ourselves!), from work on my own transformation, and from my experiences of evolving as a PERFECTly imPERFECkT hu(wo)man BEing!