Over the weekend I attended the Portland wedding of my cousin's daughter. It was a beautiful occasion. I met Paul, one of the bride's childhood friends, now in his 30's. He gave me a wonderful compliment about Jay Johnson:The Two and Only. First of all he said that he had watched the PPV several times already. He told me the show was important to him on many levels, and he is also purchasing the DVD for "social reasons". He said it would be his "third date test". If he dated a girl more than two times the third date would be to watch this show together. He said, "If she doesn't get the show the way I got the show then she is not the girl for me." I am not sure any relationship should be judged solely on how a person likes a story about a guy who plays with dolls. That may be too much pressure for any show to live up to. However, I know the principle behind it.

In the comedy club days of the 80's a night at the local Funny Bone, Laff Stop, or Improv was primo date material. You can tell a lot about a person by what they find funny or not. For more basic reasons a happy date is also a more willing date. I hope it works out for Paul, he was a nice guy and deserves an equally nice companion.

The two blogs I wrote about Robin Williams last week got more "hits" more "shares" and more "reads" than any other post I have written in 7 years of blogging and by a large margin. Robin's exit still vexes me more than I thought it would. Being a person who struggles with depression myself it is a wake up call to everyone who shares my ailment. I think we could all be one bad day away from that ultimate solution. Like a member of a mental 12 step program we have to struggle and affirm, "today is not that day."

I am bothered that many people have said in FB posts they are glad Robin is "finally free." They must be confusing Robin the man with the blue Genie cartoon he voiced in Aladdin. Suicide is not a "solution" or a vehicle for any sort of freedom. It is not selfish and it is not the cowards way out, it is just the absence of a solution. No matter how dark the room there is a light switch that we must find. When you find that switch the darkness is not just replaced with the light... darkness proves itself to be nothing but the absence of light. Depression is a lot like that. This black atmosphere does not recoil into a mass in the corner...it vanishes completely. I have been told that depression is just a place holder for some other unresolved emotion. Whatever the lesson is we are supposed to learn in this living class room, you can not graduate if you drop the course. One does not beat the storm by giving into the wind, but by fighting that wind to stand tall.

I write this for my own benefit. While in the dungeon of my own darkness the statements above do not ring true. In fact that Pollyanna attitude merely makes the situation even more desperate. It simplifies a major chemical imbalance in the brain to a line from a Hallmark card. If it were so easy to find that light why wouldn't I gladly turn it on? I am hoping that in one of those moods I will find this blog and know that when I was thinking clearly... I knew it to be so.

2 comments:

"Whatever the lesson is we are supposed to learn in this living class room, you can not graduate if you drop the course. One does not beat the storm by giving into the wind, but by fighting that wind to stand tall." ....... A very wise and true statement; thank you for that. We all have our moments in the dark, but I hope everyone can have your insight and attitude about it. Don't let those "post show let downs" grab hold of you....start on the next project.