Announcements

Hi all,
I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.
Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.
If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.
As always, we will be here with you,
ModKonnie

Location

Interests

Loss Type

Angel Date

Occupation

Interests

Last Name

First Name

Zip

Country

About Me

My girlfriend and I met in late may of 2017, and we hit it off , we clicked, it was her first relationship and mine too, we had not been with any other person before us. We got really close , we cared for each other we loved each other....I will always say "I love you so much babe" and she would always say " I love you plenty " but I knew she really did love me so much. As we got closer we shared our secrets to each other, it was so perfect like a match really made in heaven. I knew I always wanted to be with her always. She gave me inner peace and peace of mind and I always told her that, and she told me that she never wanted anything to come between us. She ways definitely my bbestfriend and buddy.. we would talk everyday on the phone when we were apart ....I mean we spoke morning, afternoon and night. One day she revealed to me that she was sickle cell , that she had SS genotype after I noticed her falling ill quite regularly, after she told me this I looked at her into her eyes the next morning and I felt so sorry for her and I teared a little while I gazed into her eyes which was quite green cos she had jaundice as well. I took it upon myself that what she needed in this life is definitely love and genuine love . From that point I put her health condition to side and I never brought it up ...I would always tell her I love her and would not leave her because she started to feel I would leave her because of her health. She trusted me with it and I loved her really with my soul, she really tapped into my soul. As our relationship went on she feel ill from time to time and I noticed she wasn't so proactive about her health as someone with that illness would be...but she never wanted it to bother me and she would get upset when I get so emotional about it...so I slowed down about the health issues. Couple days before she died she fell ill with herpartitis and it was so high .....I remember one of our last conversations about her health where I got mad for her vomiting in her room and no one was there and she told me that I need to stop worrying so much that it was not as if she was dying or something.....and she told me that she appreciated me for standing with her through her illness without running away or leaving her...I mean how could i....I loved her so much. On the 13th of November 2017 I had tried calling her throughout the day and her phone was switched off...so later at night she called me around 10pm and said she was at the hospital.....I tried to stay calm due to our previous discussion about her health and acted so calm telling her she was gonna be fine and stuff like that...then I wanted to talk more to her ...ask her how her day was..then she told me that she didn't want to talk ....she just wanted to reach out to me after a whole day of no conversation....so I said I was gonna call her back but she didn't not reply me ....so I felt she probably didn't hear me and dropped the call since she was not so well at that moment. So I called her line like an hour later but it was switched off again ....so for the second time I said a prayer for her before I went to bed ....that was our last conversation on the phone....on the 14th the next day I receive a call from her sister telling me to be strong and that she was already dead as at the early hours of 2 am ....I felt so shut down that day I cried in pain...even some days later.....I was also completing my last exams in college the day she was buried..it was such a bitter graduation for me...I also did not get to see her lying in state as well....I miss my baby so much she was all that to me and the favorite in her family....she was so precious to me .....I think of her every time even when I try to exercise to get my mind off a little bit...I feel so heartbroken and sorrowful about her and she was just 18 years while I'm 22 years old...I was kind of like a brother a friend and her lover too....
LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY......YOU WERE DEFINITELY WORTH EVERYTHING TO ME
RIP Sophia....see you again

Time has slowed, I think to give me extra life to make sure I can make you proud. I often feel responisble for your passing, as both of our lifes were so full of weakness and seemed to be straying off the right path, more me than you. I very much dislike ''regretting'' things, but I honeslty refuse to forgive myself for not spending more time with you when you needed me the most. How selfish and focused on my demons and weaknesess I have been the past year, I have noone to blame but myself. And as it seems it is too late to tell you this I have hope it will reach you and can fill the hole I have created. The weeks prior to your passing is when my life was getting as low as it could in my eyes, instead of turning to family and seeking love I turned to drugs and escape. I was lost in my own mind. I was a huge stress on you and should have visited you in the hospital more than I did. I guess I just always pictured having you with me. You were MY mom and I never thought you could be taken from me. Never say never I guess. So after your death instead of thinking of what you would want for me, I sunk even lower. Escaped further and further until I could not find my way home. I selfishley isolated myself and hidden emotions from the funeral, and honestly did not want to be there. I just wanted to bring you home and escape some more. I still don't handle it, and am asking God for the strength and closure I long for daily. I am very good at keeping a straight face and bottling everything up for only me to understand ( barley ). I need to feel you are at rest, and I need to earn forgivness for leaving you lone your last bit of time on this Earth when you were so sick and needed my love and company so badly. I was so blind and in denial, now I see and it is too late. I am devistated that I will never have my mom again, and I am not going to let that be the case for TJ, I know God took you for a reason, and that it was not ment to hurt me. I know you are in Gods kingdom and held in his arms. I love you mom. I miss you. I talk about you everyday and think about you even more. I always try to feel as you are surrounding me, and I am making good progress in my outlook on this beautiful thing I am blessed to call life. I was so close to being with you, and it just was not my time. I was saved and given a second chance by not only the Lord but two angles he felt I needed, and I thank him for them everyday aswell. My eyes, ears, heart and mind is open and I am accepting the good and bad, the things I can and cannot change. I am giving as much emotion to the people who deserve it most in my life as I can........ I promise to think & speak of you EVERY single day, and to keep up with my prayers and trying to do good with the short amazing time I have on this Earth ! Its not somthing you take, it is given. Thank you God for giving me the time I had with this AMAZING woman I was privlagged to call ''mom'', I have faith she is happy, young and keeping good company with you. Thank you so much.