Thursday, August 28, 2014

Transparent

I haven’t made a blog post in a while. Please appreciate my transparency here. I normally like to be low key and even
keeled. I don’t like to be a
spectacle. This is a tough one to
write.

Over the summer, I was busy enjoying time with my son. There were some rough patches with my health
situation and those have been increasing.
Discomforts have become pains and trouble sleeping due to pain has kept
me awake many nights. Pain seems to come
with the nighttime and ease during the day.
I don’t know why. If I don’t
sleep during the night, I sleep during the day, which I don’t like. It makes me feel disconnected from the rest
of the world. Often times, my arm (on
the side where the tumor is) will feel heavy and slightly numb. My energy has been decreasing and there have
been times when I pushed myself to go for a walk, then ended up on the couch
the entire next day because my body was trying to recover. These things have been disheartening and I am
constantly trying to build myself up by reminding myself of God’s Word and praying, singing, whatever I can
think of. In June, God gave my husband
and me His word of my healing. I have been asking for Him to bring that
forth SOON! I’ve shared with my husband
that I’ve been getting weary and didn’t know how much more I could endure. The things my doctor feels like I need are
all out of our financial range.
Insurance doesn’t cover alternative treatments, such as intravenous high
dose vitamin C treatments or other things.
We’re not talking illegal drugs here.
A person can get a narcotic prescribed and insurance will cover it, but
not vitamin C. Anyway, we have prayed that God would provide financially for
what He would have me undergo for treatments.
This past Saturday, I discovered a mass in my other breast. This was a devastating blow. Despite the thought that I had cried all I
had lately, the tears flowed. The
darkness I felt at my diagnosis in January 2013 had crept back in. Sunday morning, I picked myself up, put
clothes on and walked into the sanctuary of our church. The very first woman who asked how I was that
day got a wet shoulder when she hugged me.
Everyone else who asked did too.
When I was able to get words out they were short. “I’m just tired. I need help.”
At the end of the service, my husband walked with me up front to ask for
prayer. Soon there was a small army
surrounding me. I hate to cry in front
of people. A few tears are acceptable,
but I was broken and helpless. I knew
it. I let them pray for me, encourage
me, hug me, etc. Sunday night, I went to
bed and I slept peacefully for seven hours!!
That hadn’t happened since May probably.
I was amazed. Monday morning my
pastor’s wife and another small army of women marched through my living room
door to help me again. Since then (I’m
writing this Wednesday night) some wonderful things have been happening. God has been giving me encouraging words
through many people, sleep has been improving, strong pain has lessened to
discomfort again, the feeling in my arm has improved. God has showed my husband and me some
wonderful things through His word, etc. Since I first began my holistic therapy
back in January 2013, I have been homebound mostly. The Gerson therapy I did the first year
required making hourly, fresh juices from 7am to 7pm. Needless to say, I couldn’t get out
much. I still do other natural helps my
health that keep me busy at home even now (rebounding, far infared therapy, chi
machine sessions, getting sunlight for at least 15-30 minutes each day,
etc). My pastor has urged me now to step
back out into the world that (without realizing it) I had closed myself off
from, knowing I need the company of those who love me. I didn’t realize how much I needed you
all. As I write this, there is a battle
being fought for me while I rest. For 24
hours straight, my church body has volunteered to go to our church building and
pray for me. From midnight to midnight
the next day. My only hope at this point
is for a miracle. That’s what we’re asking for.
Like I said previously, God
reassured us of healing back in June. I
believe He has heard my cry and is bringing forth exactly what I need. I feel like the night is almost over and the
dawn is coming. Please pray with us for
healing to come. I am excited with
anticipation. I need your encouragement
to strengthen me. Please be free with your
kind words, phone calls to check on me, etc.
The outpouring of concern has been overwhelming and so refreshing. I have a wonderful group of people
surrounding me. Thank you to so many
people who have blessed me with gifts of service, encouragement, money,
etc. Also thank you for pestering me to
provide a blog update and the messages showing concern. It’s obvious that you care. I love you guys right back.

3 comments:

Beautiful, Darlene! It's amazing how life-giving godly community is! I'm reminded of a verse in the song "Great is Thy Faithfulness" that says:

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

I believe that one of the ways He shows us His cheering, strengthening, peace-giving, hope-filled, guiding presence is through His presence IN the people He has placed in our lives. The body of Christ is such a beautiful reflection of the Father's heart.

I am agreeing with you and calling forth your speedy healing in the mighty name of Jesus. He is faithful! Love you!