Last week's News

News article for the week of 5/6/08.

Ron Paul Receives
Support From Surprising SourceBy Grey Politics

Ron Paul, the perennial third wheel of US politics, has received a shock
boost from the only confirmed presidential candidate of the season, John
McCain.
In a media event, surrounded by both Republican and Democratic senators,
in what was ostensibly an attempt to lower bipartisan walls and build bridges
for a future president, McCain stated that “While the two main parties facing
off against each other has led to some truly skilled and dedicated leaders
over the years the time may have come when a third challenger is necessary
to keep both established parties focused. And I think that the likes of
Ron Paul could serve adequately in that role.”
While clearly a backhanded slap towards the Obama-Clinton feud which may
be aiding the ascension of McCain it was an unusually positive statement
towards Ron Paul, previously the third most hated man in politics after
Ted Kennedy and Zombie John Wilkes Booth, now entering his second term as
junior senator for Florida.
Naturally suspicions have been aroused. While hardly support for a potential
opponent, let alone one who’s continued existence is seen as a political
joke, it was stunningly positive to the inclusion of additional competition,
even welcoming of the disruption of the two party system which has served
Republicans and Democrats so well.
Some speculate that since Paul and other third party candidates such as
Liberal, Green and Independents traditionally siphon off support that would
ordinarily go to Democrats this has less to do with endorsing Paul or ending
two party dominance and much more to do with weakening the Democratic Party
in the long term, possibly to the point where neither they nor a third party
can possibly challenge Republican supremacy.
This is of course far too simple, elegant and clever for politics, so a
little investigating has revealed a flurry of communications between McCain’s
associates and known supporters of Ron Paul. A few questions, some minor
arson and we found a possible answer that is disturbing and more than a
little disgusting.
It turns out that Senator John McCain had an affair with actress and man’s
voice trapped in a man’s body that thinks it’s a woman Bea Arthur.
Rumour has it that this affair did not even occur decades ago when McCain
was young and foolish and Arthur was young and . . . well, not as old as
she is now.
This affair was an Easter fling.
Now Bea Arthur is far from an unattractive woman, it’s just that with her,
uh, physicality, she, uh, well, I suppose it’s a fetish, of some sort, and
that there’s someone for everyone out there, somehow, even if it is just
for affairs.
At any rate the revelation that McCain has had an affair, with anyone, would
tarnish his reputation enough that even if Clinton gouges out Obama’s eye
she’ll win against McCain, and a one eyed Barak Obama always has a chance.
So that much makes sense.