Gary Brown: We give Thee thanks

Sunday

As Thanksgiving dinner approaches — prime time for officially recognizing our feelings of appreciation — we would like to serve up a few words of special thanks.

Use them at your holiday meal if you deem them appropriate.

"We give thee thanks, oh Lord, for this bounty that we are about to receive, and I personally appreciate, especially, how blessed I was this year to finally get a drumstick."

"As we gather here today, we express abundant thankfulness that we have been able to all be together on this special day, which thankfully falls well after mid-term elections, allowing us — both red and blue family members alike — to dine together without disagreement and name-calling or anybody stalking out of the room in a huff during a conversation about immigration."

"And, dear Lord, during our time together, we would be grateful beyond words if as few aunts as possible would sidle up to our youngest cousin and, prying into what is, thankfully, none of their business, ask her if she ever plans to marry and have children."

During Dinner Thanks

"On this day of traditional feasts, we are abundantly thankful for the usual huge array of food that you have provided for us, which is, for the most part, identifiable, and all blessedly tasty, with the exception perhaps of the casserole on the end of the table, which we hope will be eaten appreciatively by our guests, without anybody blurting out such questions as 'What the heck is in this one?' or 'It's kind of got a taste that's either fresh mint or old fish ...'"

"We are thankful, as well, that our Maker has granted so many of us long lives, allowing us to grow old together, moving seamlessly up from the children's table to a more traditional place where we can dine with the rest of the family without spilling milk or gravy on the adult table's cloth."

"And, we appreciate, as well, that the younger generation who has inherited the children's table, doesn't appear to be anywhere near as eager to argue over who gets to pull on the end of the turkey's wishbone, as were their fathers and mothers, who whined and made pouting faces throughout years of previous holiday meals."

"But, most of all, Lord, we are eternally grateful that you have granted our family knowledge enough of your blessed Thanksgiving traditions that they remember almost all of the time to not steal the serving silverware and to pass all serving platters clockwise, instead of counterclockwise or directly across the table."

Post Meal Gratefulness

"We give thee thanks, too, Lord, that you have instilled in at least one of us the thoughtfulness to turn off the TV when we gathered at the dinner table, so none of us will be tempted to rise from our chairs during the meal — at the slightest hint of cheering — to check out the score of whatever football game happens to be broadcast, since there will be time enough after dinner to watch the post-game report."

"While on the same subject, while we are thankful for the presence at our gathering once again of a dear and cherished member of our family, we would remind him — he knows who he is — that while we appreciate that he is able to so completely make himself at home among us, we will be grateful after dinner if he would not sprawl out on the family room couch, thus making others thankful that they will not have to sit on the floor to watch the game."

"And, we give thanks to you, Lord, that you have allowed us all to live in a country where there is freedom of thought and the right to root for whatever team you wish to win, but we also would probably appreciate it if those of you in the family who have joined us from Texas — wearing Dallas Cowboys jerseys — would not jump up and point at the rest of us following every touchdown scored by the Cowboys, then shout 'THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!' or 'Yes! America's Team!'"

"Finally, we would all give everlasting thanks, Lord, if you would grant unto your children — and adults — in this house the wisdom to just say they want dessert when we ask, so we can get an accurate count, instead of insisting, like one among us did last year, that 'Really, I couldn't eat another bite,' before sneaking out to the kitchen five minutes later to steal some other family member's piece of pie. Again, in your name we ask this, although we warn him that we know his name, as well, if it happens again. "

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