I would not worry about how you feel.If people get upset that you won't play on the first encounter they are not for you anyway.Its not your downfall its theirs for not being able to cooperate with your preferences. Just let them know that you are not willing to play when you meet, changes are huge that hey won't play with your hubby alone but thats ok too. whats good for one is good for all.if they do more power to you as a couple. Cracks me up all the people who say friends first but if play is not in the works they are not interested in a friendship. Always go at your own pace .. you can never be wrong when you follow that

Sarasota FL

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You don't mention how "newbie" this is to y'all are but something to keep in mind is that it can take time of talking with and meeting many people before you find some you really click with. That can be discouraging at first: I mean, here you are--you've fantasized about this, talked about it and finally gotten to the point of putting yourselves out there, so you are probably eager to meet people and get the party started ;-). But you do have the right to do so on your own terms and you do take the care to mention your "no play on first meet" limit in your profile, so people shouldn't be surprised or disappointed. I might suggest maybe mentioning it at least one more time closer to the beginning of the profile (Like in the what we are looking for part) and then again as an reminder when you actually start conversing and planning a first meet: "We do like to take out time", that sort of thing. Might seem repetitive, but often people skim, don't read things all the way through and generally have short attention spans. It is very common to meet or at least talk/mail/chat with far more people than you actually end up being compatible with. So your first date limit doesn't appeal to some people? That's fine. Not everyone is compatible in every way and that's okay too. If this is really what y'all want to do, hang in there, keep putting yourself out there to people with whom you seem to share an interest and you *will* find people who are comfy with your limit and most likely many who share it. Just don't push yourself into things you are not ready for just for the sake of making yourself more attractive to others--that can only end badly. pup

Farmington MO

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I don't have any advice for "getting over" trepidations about any aspect of swinging other than "Give It Time". It is not an uncommon thing to prefer not to get sexual at the first physical meeting. While we will if the click is there, it seems more common among the people we talk with and meet to not do so and that's cool. Just make sure your comfort level and expecations are open from the get go so that the other people can adjust their expectations, or even interest, accordingly. It is not an uncommon thing to feel hesitant about sex with other people than your mate and it isn't difficult to understand. Opening your marriage/partnership to sex with other people is an easy road for some, and less so for others. Give yourself time and expand your comfort level and boundaries at the times that it feels right to do so. We have played with couples where she was only the observer for the main part of the action, and while it isn't our preference, it was by no means an unpleasant experience. pup

Farmington MO

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TOPIC: need some advice

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