Now available in a new flavour that will leave a slightly bitter taste in the mouth

Ahead of the spending review announcement in Parliament on Wednesday, details have leaked about the latest plan to get the UK’s economy on track. As well as £11.5bn of additional cuts, George Osborne intends to nationalise the cinema popcorn trade.

“The NHS, MOD and all other government owned acronyms only ever take money from the treasury without giving anything back” the draft of the Chancellor’s statement says.

“Looking into the cinema popcorn trade shows it has a mark-up of nearly 1400%. At it’s retail price, gram-for-gram it has more value than the country’s gold reserves.”

A spokesman for the treasury did not confirm or deny the claims, however he did confirm the government was looking into the nationalisation of private businesses.

“Working with HMRC we looked at the profit levels of a number of different options to bring into public ownership and cinema popcorn seems to be the most profitable. Luckily, as we could see the accounts of a number of businesses, we could quickly rule out search engines, coffee shops, online shops and stand-up comedy saving a lot of time trying to acquire loss making ventures”

If all goes to plan, the Government will introduce a new flavour to go along with the classic sweet and salted. Named after it’s founder, the ‘Osborne flavour’ will leave a slightly bitter taste in your mouth.

It is estimated that once the nationalisation takes places, the UK’s debt will be cleared in 6 months and the deficit will become a surplus within weeks. With the commodity being seen as more important than the country’s precious metals, the stockpiles will be better looked after. Instead of being stored in an underground vault, the popcorn will be kept in a secured room with a Vue.