Oscars 2013: Meet The Presenters

Nominees, shnominees! The Academy Awards ceremony wouldn’t be what it is without the fearless few who take the stage to deliver canned quips and engage in awkward banter, all the while at the mercy of fickle teleprompters. We call these brave The Presenters.

And with the big show just hours away, we’re taking a closer look at the famous faces who will grace the Dolby Theatre to read nominee names and foist statuettes with all the grace and dignity the office affords.

Without further ado, please turn your gaze to:

Kristen StewartAge: 22Best 2012 movie quote: “Jake, you really do stink!” — Bella Swan, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2″Oscar bona fides: Never nominated but did present a horror-film tribute alongside “Twilight” co-star Taylor Lautner during the 2010 ceremony.How she can impress us: By taking out one of the venue’s roving mountain lions in a gravity-defying feat of acrobatics.

Channing TatumAge: 32Best 2012 movie quote: “Oh, you don’t wanna know what I have to do for twenties.” — Mike, “Magic Mike” Oscar bona fides: Tatum is, from all appearances, an Academy Awards virgin.How he can impress us: This. Over and over again.

Jennifer LawrenceAge: 22Best 2012 movie quote: “I volunteer as tribute!” — Katniss Everdeen, “The Hunger Games”Oscar bona fides: Nominated twice, first in 2011 for Best Actress in “Winter’s Bone” and this year for Best Actress in “Silver Linings Playbook.”How she can impress us: By shooting an apple off of Seth MacFarlane’s head. Blind-folded. With one arm.

Chris EvansAge: 31 Best 2012 movie quote: “Doctor Banner, I think now might be a good time for you to get angry.” — Steve Rogers, “The Avengers”Oscar bona fides: Rippling pecs aren’t the only thing Evans and Tatum have in common: Captain America’s a n00b to the podium too. (Though he’s never met an Oscar party he didn’t like.)How he can impress us: We love a man in uniform…

Charlize TheronAge: 37Best 2012 movie quote: “Do you hear that? It’s the sound of battles fought and lives lost. It once pained me to know that I am the cause of such despair, but now their cries give me strength. Beauty is my power.” — Queen Ravenna, “Snow White and the Huntsman”Oscar bona fides: Won Best Actress in 2004 for “Monster,” was nominated in 2006 for Best Actress in “North Country.”How she can impress us: By presenting alongside hologram Marilyn Monroe and hologram Grace Kelly.

Joseph Gordon-LevittAge: 32Best 2012 movie quote: “This is my life now. I earned it. You had yours already. So why don’t you do what old men do and die?” — Joe, “Looper”How he can impress us: This. Over and over again.

Melissa McCarthyAge: 42Best 2012 movie quote: “I have very high nipples.” — Catherine, “This is Forty”Oscar bona fides: Nominated in 2012 for Best Supporting Actress in “Bridesmaids.”How she can impress us: Forget Hidden Valley Ranch, spring for the Thousand Island!

Mark WahlbergAge: 41Best 2012 movie quote: “This guy took my teddy bear!” — John, “Ted”Oscar bona fides: Nominated in 2006 for Best Supporting Actor in “The Departed.” He also received a Best Picture nomination in 2011 as a producer on “The Fighter.”How he can impress us: Bench press MacFarlane … and Ted.

Robert Downey Jr.Age: 47Best 2012 movie quote: “We have a Hulk.” — Tony Stark, “The Avengers”Oscar bona fides: Nominated twice, first in 1993 for Best Actor in “Chaplin” and then in 2009 for Best Supporting Actor in “Tropic Thunder.”How he can impress us: Three words: Stark Expo entrance.