Kids Claws Clipped For Good

FIFA have finally outlawed the growth and cultivation of claws on youth players throughout the world.

Previously, clubs were able to inject players with special DNA which stimulated claw growth until the age of 18, but Sepp Blatter has had a change of heart after seeing recent footage of a particularly gruesome Uruguayan under-16 tournament.

The global ban on claws will begin on January 1st 2011. However, in order for the ban to be enforced smoothly, there will be an eighteen-month amnesty on talons.