Feel Angry All The Time

I had a posting from someone who wanted to know what to do when you
feel angry all the time. You can see the original posting here. Why Am I So Angry?

A comment was submitted to that posting by an anonymous
submission who feels that the only option to dealing with being angry
all the time is to be prescribed drugs and spend time on the “nut farm”.
I disagree and I didn't have enough room on the original page to
explain why so this is where I decided to post my complete response.

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Hi anonymous,

I can totally understand why you’re feeling so angry and feel
like the only option is drugs and maybe then you won’t feel crappy all
the time. I was an incredibly angry person for years and years and I
just didn’t get it. So, I know what it’s like and how frustrating it
is. It feels like nothing you do makes any difference and like the entire world is against you. It’s also such an
incredibly draining way to live. Being angry all the time takes an
incredible amount of energy and just consumes your entire life. And, I
can tell you, it doesn’t have to be that way. There are lots of other
options available to you.

There can be a lot of different reasons for feeling angry all the time but often it comes from the following 9 reasons:

1. Chemical Imbalance
You’re right in that sometimes it is a chemical imbalance and you need
to figure out what needs adjusting. In the above case, I don’t think she
has a chemical imbalance. I think she’s just trying to deal with the
horrendous abuse she suffered for 10 years. How do you make sense of
that and how do you deal with that? It can be emotionally overwhelming
for so many reasons. You feel like it shouldn’t have happened to you,
your parents (in this case her mom) should have stopped it, that guy
shouldn’t have done that to her, someone should have done something, why
her, and on and on it goes. You feel guilty, confused, ashamed, angry,
frustrated, and it’s just too much so the brain finds the only way to
deal with it is through anger. But, that’s just one way and I think
she’ll find that she can deal with this. It sounds like she’s a strong woman and she can do it. Plus, she has a baby on the way and she needs to
deal with it so that she can be the best mom that she was meant to be
to her child. I have absolute faith that Kristy will be able to move
past this stage of her life. It’s not just a chemical imbalance in her
case. It's emotional overwhelm.

2. Giving Up
Another reason for feeling angry all the time is because you just give
up. That you think
there’s nothing you can do. When you feel like a victim with no options,
yes, you’re going to feel angry all the time. It’s not true though.
There’s lots you can do.

3. Thinking About What You Don't Want
You spend most of your time thinking about what you don’t want. You
don’t want to live where you do, you don’t want people to treat you the
way you do, you don’t like your job, and on and on it goes. All you can
see is what you don’t want or what you don’t like. It becomes your whole
thinking process to only see what’s negative in your world. You get to
the point where you can’t even see the good when it does happen. You’ve
just got into a negative thinking pattern. The world just becomes this
big, black hole of despair. To deal with this you have to start paying
attention to what you’re telling yourself all the time. Listen to what
that voice is saying and start re-directing it to be more towards what
you do want. You’re the one that decides what you’re going to think
about all day long. No one else does that for you. You make that
decision. Take back control of your thoughts. And, no, anonymous, it’s
not about not “pretending” things are better than they are or denying
reality. It’s about being the master of your thoughts and using your
thoughts to help you rather than hinder you. That’s totally and
absolutely within your power. And, when you think about it, that’s your
responsibility. It’s your responsibility to take care of yourself and
letting yourself think negative all day long really isn’t an acceptable
option.

4. Expecting Others To Solve Your Problems
You’re right in that the “love, love, kissy, kissy” stuff as you phrased
it doesn’t always work. It doesn’t work because you have to do
something yourself. Others can’t make things all better for you. They
can help you and support you but in the end, you have to do the work
yourself. You have to face the fears you have and look deep inside. You
need to figure out why you’re feeling so angry all the time. What’s the
real reason?

Life is all about self discovery and you have to have the courage
to do that. Usually, you’ll find that the fears you have about truly
feeling and looking at what’s so painful inside is much less painful to
deal with than it is to simply try and ignore it or avoid it or stuff it
down deep inside. It’s not going away until you listen to what the
anger is trying to tell you. You feel angry all the time for a reason.
You just have to figure it out.

5. Blaming Others
You get caught up in blaming others for the way your life is. You had
bad parents or you didn’t have enough money or you just couldn’t catch a
break. Whatever the reason, blaming others just gives away your power
and you feel angry because you feel there’s nothing you can do. It feels
like your fate is in someone else’s hands. It’s not. You have to take
responsibility for your own life. You have far more power than you
think.

6. Searching For The Magic Pill
You just want a magic pill to make it all go away. You just want it gone
and you don’t want to have to do any work. So, you keep searching for
the magic pill and then get frustrated when you can’t find it. There is
no magic pill. But, there are certainly lots of options and choices on
how you can start taking control of your life again.

7. Thinking That You're Supposed To Always Be Happy
Expecting that every day should be one where you’re blissfully happy and
there’s never any problems. That just doesn’t exist. There will always
be problems, obstacles, and bad things happening. Some days are just
going to completely suck and that’s just part of life. But they’ll be in
the vast minority. It’s all in how you react to those events that makes
the difference. It’s your choice as to how you react to something.
That’s completely in your power and no, it’s not about just thinking
positive thoughts all day long. There’s far more to it than that which I
discuss in great detail on this site.

8. Not Knowing What's You And What's Just Your 'Story'
Being angry can become part of your “life story” and you just don’t want
to give it up. You tell yourself over and over how badly done by you
were. How things went wrong. It becomes a part of your identity and you
don’t know who you’d be without it. It comes down to choosing whether to
let go of that story so you can start actually living your life or do you hang on to it because that’s what you’ve always done.

9. Refusing To Let Go Of The 'Should's' And What Happened In the Past
You refuse to forgive people for what they “did” to you or for when they
didn’t behave the way you think they “should” have. “My parents should
have been there for me” for example. It’s time to let that go and again
you’ll find lots of ways to do that discussed on my site.

Anyway, anonymous, I could probably go on and on but basically I
want you to know you don’t have to feel angry all the time for the rest
of your life. You really don’t. There’s so many options out there for
you. You just have to be open to them and be willing to try. It’s
totally worth it. Being angry all the time is just a waste of your life.
It’s not worth it. But, you are. You’re definitely worth taking the
effort to make it past this and letting the anger go so that you can
live your life to its full potential. But, you have to make the effort.
It all starts with you.

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It's Okay To Feel Angry - you don't have to "Be Happy" all the time or deny your emotions. In fact, doing that will make things worse. Learn why it's important to express your anger.

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PLEASE NOTE:I am NOT a licensed (mental) health professional.

The information and resources on this site are for informational purposes only and should not take the place of consulting a doctor or mental health professional. In case of serious psychological, physical, or other issues, please consult a health professional immediately.

None of the information provided is meant to treat or diagnose any (mental) health conditionnor is any information provided on this site a substitute for medical, or psychological, diagnosis and treatment.