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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

Never stand by and watch again - lately in the tram -
August 27th 2013, 05:01 PM

I used to be a bullying victim and that shaped me. I created a detailed thread about it somewhere on this forum section.
After years of martial arts and working out I developed a strong body and the skills and confidence to deal with the likes of them and to protect the victims. Needless to say I haven't been bullied ever since.
Lately I saw a chubby teen with acne bullied by 3 (!) people. On the tram. No one around did a thing - people were just watching! I went up and intervened. Looking into the culprits' eyes with pure hate. They stumble backwards, fazed. One trying to play cool. The one hiding behind the other two. What a hero.
No violence needed, just ready to use it.

After we got out the victim started crying. Opened up to me, the entire shell dropped. Told me that he attempted suicide multiple times due to being bullied. He was 15! I could so relate.
If only there was a solution to end it once and for all. Theoretically, the best way would be to transfer your bad feelings, depression and everything caused by bullying back into their heads. No doubt they would stop it forever. If not make the first and last wise decision of their pathetic lives - to end theirs. Bulliers are not worth a bean and wouldn't be missed. Don't tell me they're worth as much as anyone else yada yada.

Violence is not always the solution to dealing with the plagues that they are, however if you're strong and willing to use violence to protect yourself or others from them they'll suddenly lose their balls on the spot and run away. Surprised? Hell no. It is curious how I rarely needed to use violence since I've been willing to. A good thing, I guess.

I took my time to write this because I hope others will follow me in my footsteps and at least suppress the bullying whereever they go. Learning to defend yourself and others. Intervene. Sometimes you can't rely on an authority to arrive in time. Sometimes you need to take action. Unless the scum have weapons. The confidence and willingness to do it is usually enough to send them back to their rat holes.

A humble plea to help suppress bullying. Take action. I feel like I am the only one doing it. No matter what people say, I will never believe that running to some authority helps. It never helped me. Just like ignoring them or talking to them never helps. Just doesn't! Scrap it!

When the victim thanks you with tears in his/her eyes, it'll all have been worth it.

Re: Never stand by and watch again - lately in the tram -
August 27th 2013, 07:52 PM

Rarely intervened in bullying myself. To be honest, rarely got the opportunity to.

I've used violence usually down to my explosive temper. And I probably regret 80% of the cases. Didn't gain me anything and just exasperated the situation. I know what it does to people. It's enough to look at myself. I can't say that I've never bullied. But I can say that I "learnt" it from others.

If you deal people shit, you nurture their bad side. I'm better with dealing about it now. On holiday not long ago, it was about 2am and I was walking through a town centre. I was approaching a bridge and could see there was some rowdy guy on a phone talking real big talk, probably drunk. I picked up two stones just in case, knowing that I probably wouldn't need them, but always useful to throw as a distraction at least. Yes... he picked on me. But nothing happened. Amazed with myself frankly. I just... managed to talk him out of it, despite his drunk state. Beating him up would have proved nothing. As he came at me, he tripped and nearly fell on his face.

But that's one guy. Always bolder when there's more of them, and nobody wants to be seen backing down in front of his peers. But there's a non-violent way of dealing with that too. Haven't tried it out yet.

"I don't care about politics"

Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.﻿

Re: Never stand by and watch again - lately in the tram -
August 27th 2013, 11:22 PM

Hi,

just to clarify: being ready to use violence is usually enough to put them at their place. I hate them for the scum they are but I will only use violence as means of defense. Part of my martial arts lessons was escalation prevention. I take that seriously. It's not like some Krav Maga styles where you flee as you bring down an opponent but rather the prevention of escalation without making a weak impression.

I'm different from you: I have a very calm and grounded nature and only once in my life (as far as I remember) did I give in to anger and exploded. At the same time I'm of the merciless kind, attack me and you'll regret it. I'm not some muscle monkey picking a fight with everyone! That's not different from what the culprits of mobbing do...
Mobbing ruined my late childhood and teenhood, I tried all kinds of things to deal with it without violence. I can say with confidence that there is no other efficient way than putting them at their place nonverbally and if it escalates not hesitating to put them at their place physically.

Quote:

If you deal people shit, you nurture their bad side.

If it comes to the culprits, I disagree. Culprits feel good when their victims are on the ground crying. That nurtures them. The opposite doesn't, especially if you teach their brains to associate mobbing others with feeling heavy pain.
Mobbing them for no reason obviously does what you stated, but that's not what this is about.

Re: Never stand by and watch again - lately in the tram -
August 28th 2013, 09:58 AM

There aren't many people as a % in the general population who get a genuine pleasure out of hurting strangers and/or non-strangers. It is maybe 2% who really feel good about it, but that's just me shooting at a figure that I feel is right. Some people over time also learn to disassociate their feelings from what they do... usually if they do it as a profession, such as breaking in and steeling people's personal belongings, or even mugging people in the street. Or, on-line fraud, cyber attacks, identity theft, etc. It's easier to do usually when you're not face-to-face with a victim.

Some people may appear as if they feel good about hurting others. What they really feel good about is the acknowledgement of their peers, for example. They don't take the time or make the effort to really think about what affect it has on that other person.

"I don't care about politics"

Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.﻿

Re: Never stand by and watch again - lately in the tram -
September 8th 2013, 07:31 PM

that was the nicest thing you did. I'm sure the victim felt happy that you did that. You are strong. And you broke out your shell. But i get what you mean. i've been bullied for 12 years, so i know how it felt. I still hadn't stood up for myself and it's my first day at college. luckily no one can say anything or they'll be kicked out.. You did the right thing

Re: Never stand by and watch again - lately in the tram -
September 13th 2013, 01:47 AM

I personally was bullied too at 13. Physical and all the humiliating stuff. I do regret not fighting back, and unfortunately at the times, I witnessed him doing the same thing to another person, and it was worse then me.

Now that I look back in age, I've learned the basics to fighting and martial arts such as grappling in Judo. I probably would defend someone if I saw them in the street now, school even, if they were being physically beat. For a good reason, to kick a bully's ass and also to help someone in need.

What lies ahead is unknown. However, in some times, I've sighted several smooth pavements. I myself am the mender of roads, and it is with these we work on.