Alabama Man Arrested After Assaulting Roommate Over A Box Of Cap’n Crunch

Stale Cap'n Crunch almost started World War III.

Photo: donchris photography (Getty)

People sure enjoy their food fights in Moundville, Alabama. Last month, it was a fight between half-brothers over the size of a piece of cheesecake that led to domestic violence charges, and apparently one Moundville man has uttered the famous words, “Hold my beer.”

According to Tuscaloosa News, a 52-year-old man was charged with assault last Friday after he beat his roommate with a laptop charger cord because of the way he opened up the bag inside a box of Cap’n Crunch.

Police said the suspect became angry because his roommate tore the bag of Cap’n Crunch when he opened it and did not do anything to keep the cereal fresh. The suspect then asked his roommate “if he knew how hard it was to eat stale cereal without any teeth” and then told the roommate to remove his false teeth and give it a shot. The roommate basically told the suspect to go fuck himself, and that’s when the suspect decided the only way to end this argument was by beating his roommate senseless with a laptop cord.

The 52-year-old man was charged with misdemeanor domestic violence/assault for his actions.

Maybe it’s just us, but whipping your roommate over a $3 box of breakfast cereal seems pretty ridiculous, almost as ridiculous as having a roommate when you’re 52 years old. I mean, if the fact that you still need to have a roommate in Alabama at the age of 52 wasn’t a sign that you’re a loser, getting charged with assault over a box of Cap’n Crunch should pretty much do the trick.