On this blog, we muse about the fruit we taste when we learn about family members, both living and dead, through family history writing. Wandering through the "family tree orchard," we conduct interviews, enjoy family reunions, and figure out how to make lemonade (and fruit cake!) from the heritage we share with the fruits and nuts on our family trees.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

We need mentors for more than a few good men

Family history isn’t just about yesterday. It’s also about tomorrow.

My father-in-law turns 83today. I have a mental picture of him at 22—a two-year-old
son hangs onto his right pant leg, a one-year-old onto his left. Their future is in his hands.

They turned out to be good hands.

Years before, when napping on the floor after a full morning
of farm work, four-year-old Garth clutched the straps of his Dad’s bib overalls
so he’d be sure to wake up when Dad went back to work.

As his father had done, he taught his sons and a daughter how
to work. Even in their play, they dug
tiny irrigation ditches and channeled water through them. They learned to complete every season’s farm
tasks, and along the way, how to stay focused until a job was done.

When Garth was 32, a derrick pole fell on him, breaking his
back. Eventually, he went back to work and has been on the job ever since.

Besides a work ethic, he gave them an “ethics ethic:” be
kind to people and animals, be a good citizen, keep your word, give a day’s
work for a day’s pay. He served for many years on the local school board, and
made sure his children went to college. My husband was blessed to be loved by such
a great dad.

Garth is completely opposite from a character in a new
sit-com, said to be “an alcoholic father who scams friends and family outrageously
and disappears for long periods of time.”

That’s not comedy—it’s tragedy. Other leading men aren’t much better—scripted
as incompetent, immature or self-absorbed. In the media, “Dad” means, “Kick
Me.”

With role models like that, I worry about the boys of
tomorrow.

Experts report, “By eighth grade, only 20 percent of boys
are proficient in writing and 24 percent proficient in reading. Young men’s SAT scores in 2011 were the worst
they’ve been in 40 years. According to the National Center for Education
Statistics, boys are more than 30 percent more likely than girls to drop out of
both high school and college.” (The
Demise of Guys: Why Boys are Struggling and What We Can Do about It, (2012)
Philip G. Zimbardo and Nikita Duncan, e-book)

Today’s boys face not only peer pressure, but also digital
peer pressure, including cyber bullying. Unlike Garth and his sons, they don’t
have meaningful physical work that makes a difference for their family and
builds their self-esteem. How can we keep them from drifting into dead-end
lives?

None of us has the answers for all boys, but most of us have
influence on a few boys—and a few girls. We can mold our children,
grandchildren and neighbor kids into responsible adults. We’ll have to be
tolerant, patient and creative in this world of video games and busy after-school
schedules; we may even have to bribe them with their favorite foods—but think
of the rewards! Here are some ideas:

--Notice them. Say hello and use their names, even if they
act sheepish and embarrassed. Gently teach them to look you in the eyes, greet
you and shake hands. Someday, these social graces may make the difference
between whether they are employed or unemployed.

--Mention their positive traits with love, and as my mother
often spelled to her older children when a youngster was acting up—i-g-n-o-r-e
their negative ones.

--Talk to them; tell them the stories of your life. Build a loving relationship with hugs if they
allow them; high fives and fist bumps if they don’t. And learn their language—“Friend” them
on Facebook and text them—be part of their world.

-- Remember, LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E – take time to show
them their unique gifts. If they don’t know what those are, work with them to
find work, hobbies or sports that they are passionate about.

--Teach them to work.
Even ten years ago, kids delivered papers, washed dishes and de-tasseled
corn—jobs that have disappeared for today’s young people. We need to get creative and find these kids
some work, because nothing builds self-esteem like learning how to do a job
well.

--Hold them responsible to show up, be on time, dress and
speak appropriately and do their best in school. We do them no favors if we’re
soft, because the world will rough them up if they are slackers.

-- Encourage school and community leaders to
look on each child as a unique individual with the ability to lead and
excel. If we build this expectation in
the folks who help us train our children, and if we live up it ourselves, there
is tremendous hope for the future of our boys and girls.

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About Me

I love to write about all aspects of family, especially the fun I have with my husband of 38 years, our 5 kids and 12 grandchildren, and extended family. I love family history-- the stories, photos and history of those vibrant personalities who went before. Join me and discover the sweet taste of fruit from the family tree!