Chuck Schumer Wants to Save America From Flavored E-Cigarettes

Public health experts say that perhaps no single invention of the last twenty years has helped more people stop smoking than the electronic cigarette. This hasn’t stopped its antagonists (government regulators, the tobacco industry) from seeking to demonize these devices using every means at their disposal…but despite having every motivation to find a link between e-cigs and serious health effects, they have yet to come up with any evidence. But, omg, some teens are using e-cigs, so it’s time for Chuck Schumer and the Nanny State Heroes to get out there and DO SOMETHING before it’s (gasp) too late!

In a press conference on Sunday, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said that fruit-flavored e-liquids were creating a whole new generation of nicotine addicts and it was time for Democrats to step in and protect the kids. To prove his point, Schumer introduced the audience to 15-year-old Jack Solomon, who is helplessly addicted to his Juul device.

“I’ve been addicted to it from the beginning of eighth grade ‘til now,” he said at the Manhattan press conference. “I’ve tried to stop but my brain tells me that I need smoke to come out of my mouth. It’s hard and I’m so addicted to it.”

Don’t it just break your heart?

Look, we’re not here to say that teens should be jumping on the e-cig bandwagon, but let’s face it, teenagers are going to teenager. Schumer could have found some other kid to come up and tell the world how he spent two weeks in the hospital after swallowing a candy-colored Tide Pod and then we’d be having THAT discussion. There’s only so much the federal government can or should do in the name of protecting kids. Unless we want to live in a Nerf World, at some point we’re just going to have to cope with the fact that people are going to make dumb choices and leave it at that.

The sale of e-cigarettes to those under 18 is already prohibited as far as we know. That’s enough regulation by the state. We don’t need to strip flavors down to “boring” and “boring, now in menthol” just because teens are prone to desserts and fruity juices. Adults like fun flavors, too! And there’s no reason the government should be clamping down on something so esoteric as the flavor preferences of kids and adults. Like, get a life already, Democrats.