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For Love of the Game

Bomb Rating:

This is because the game is slower than Monica Lewinsky on Celebrity Jeopardy.

Oh, goody. More Kevin Costner and more baseball. Let's face it, the only reason baseball is America's pastime is that horribly overweight, out-of-shape fat guys can play it well into their forties. If Costner tried making a movie about a sport requiring actual physical fitness, he'd probably strike out.

In most baseball movies, the directors try to avoid the actual baseball, for the most part. This is because the game is slower than Monica Lewinsky on Celebrity Jeopardy. Director Sam Raimi is no exception, as pitcher Billy Chapel (Kevin Costner) gets involved in a perfect game (where the pitcher retires all 27 batters, hopefully making the entire contest take about an hour) while reminiscing about his relationship with Jane Aubrey (Kelly Preston).

Basically, Chapel is your typical self-absorbed jock who realizes in one night that baseball isn't everything and oh, how cool it would be to spend the rest of his life with the large-breasted wife of John Travolta. I mention the large breasts and the marriage to John Travolta not to be sexist, but to emphasize all three of Preston's qualifications for being in this film. What, exactly, has she done, other than flash her tits and marry Travolta? Answer: nada.

Basically, most people will sit through the first half of this film wondering what the hell the point is, then realize where it's going, then wonder for the last half if their incessant yawning might require medical attention. Why director Sam ("Evil Dead 2") Raimi got involved with this film is anybody's guess. It certainly would have benefited from a loose eyeball or severed hand.

In one of the most amazing stories since the Boston team sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees for two tickets to "No No Nannette", the Cincinnati Red Legs have brought up a hard throwing phenom from their triple A Louisville franchise. From those weenie jock sniffers at www.si.com:

"(Chapman's) 104 mph fastball takes only .39 seconds to reach the plate,'' Bynum wrote. "Factoring a stride of about 5 feet, that time is reduced to .36 seconds. The average human eye blinks at a speed (between) three-tenths and four-tenths of a second. So if you are the batter and you blink at the point of Chapman's release, the ball will pass you before you open your eyes again.''

This guy is for real. Here is a list of the fastest baseball pitches ever recorded:

Fastest Recorded MLB Pitches (via Yahoo!)NameTeamYearMPH

Aroldis Chapman Reds 2010 105 MPH

Joel Zumaya Tigers 2006 104.8 MPH

Aroldis Chapman Reds 2010 104 MPH

Mark Wohlers Braves 1995 103 MPH

Armando Benitez Giants 2002 102 MPH

Jonathan Broxton Dodgers 2009 102 MPH

Neftali Feliz Rangers 2010 102 MPH

Bobby Jenks White Sox 2005 102 MPH

Randy Johnson Diamondbacks 2004 102 MPH

Matt Lindstrom Marlins 2007 102 MPH

Robb Nen Marlins 1997 102 MPH

Justin Verlander Tigers 2007 102 MPH

The 105-mph pitch was inside for a ball and evened the count at 2-2. [Hitter Tony] Gwynn had fouled off the previous two pitches and fouled off the next before striking out. He ought to be pleased with his effort, forcing Chapman to make seven pitches, the slowest of which was 102 mph.

“I didn’t see it until the ball was behind me,” Gwynn said. “I was trying not to look at the radar reading because I’d be intimidated. I saw how hard he was throwing and just tried to be slow and work my hands.”