martina is losing it #18

Christmas is the season of miracles. If it wasn’t, Hallmark wouldn’t be able to crank out the canon of movies it does every year.

Maybe it was one of those Christmas miracles or some Santa magic or someone upstairs was looking out for me when I stepped on the scale this Thursweigh because I lost 4.2 pounds.

I LOST 4.2 POUNDS

in one week.

Well, definitely not nothing, but there are 67 pounds less of me.

one more time for the kids in the back:

I’VE LOST A TOTAL OF 67 POUNDS.

I don’t know how I had such a big loss this week. I’m going to say that with all the walking I did this month, between Christmas shopping and a little light seeing and extra trips to the park, I think it all finally caught up. I know it shouldn’t take that long to “catch up” but that’s the only explanation I have right now. I’ve been staying on track and getting my blue dots, so although that’s the whole point of the program, I’ve done that the whole time and some weeks were just OK, if not sort of lack luster. For the month of December I only lost 5.6 pounds and, obviously the majority of that was this week. I say only like it’s not 5.6 pounds that aren’t on my body anymore. Listen, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it always, one – I will never not be in awe of my progress and two – like money, a loss is something that I could never have enough of. unless it’s like 15 pounds in a week, which is just tew much and I wouldn’t even know how to do that without being dead for like a month prior.

Keep in mind as well that I weighed in after Christmas. Well, after Christmas, Christmas Eve and a friends outing at a family style, keep it coming restaurant. I think I over compensated by undereating at each event. I don’t mean starving myself. I mean eating until I was satisfied and then pushing my plate away. Did you know people actually do that? Stop eating when they’re satisfied and not full or stuffed to discomfort? I mean, I’ve heard of it, but I thought it was something Hollywood had dreamed up. Imagine my surprise when I caught myself doing it! What a world.

I read somewhere that when you’re satisfied, you sigh. It’s the stomach’s way of moving what’s in there around. I’m not sure if it’s to start digesting or to hold more food, in case you’re not enlightened like me, and don’t stop eating. The problem is, it’s not easy to identify when you’re doing it. I’m going to try to pay closer attention to myself when I’m eating so that I could get a grasp on the feeling of satiety. Feelings are things that I have to work on (in more ways than one). Am I really hungry or just bored (I’m usually just bored)? Am I really hungry or just emotional/stressed? Am I really hungry or just thirsty? Am I really lonely or is social media playing head games?

I was watching someone’s instastories, don’t ask me who because I don’t remember and it’s long gone by now, and they had reposted a meme (?) saying that it’s not good to post comparison photos because it implies that if you’re skinnier, you’re happier and you’re implying that fat is bad and skinny is good. That it goes against the body positivity movement. Um, ok. While I understand the sentiment, I can’t say I agree. I post comparison photos mainly because I AM PROUD OF MYSELF. It’s taken 31 (realistically, maybe 15) years to get myself motivated and on track and successful. I. AM. CELEBRATING. The likes they may get are nice and appreciated and (quite frankly) warranted, but I don’t NEED them. Well, I mean, I don’t need them to keep on doing what I’m doing. I’m sure motivation will wane if I don’t get positive reinforcement, but that’s what I have my support system for. I also post them because it took a very long time for me to see any difference in myself. I think I was down close to 50 pounds before I looked in the mirror and said, “hm. maybe this IS working.” Also, I’ve never said I am happier now. On a happiness scale, I would say I’m exactly where I was 67 pounds ago. I would also NEVER tell someone who does not want to lose weight that they need to or that they should. EVER. Nor would I imply that skinny is better or fat is whack or vice versa. If you’re comfortable in your own skin, AMEN. I wasn’t anymore, so I made a decision to change. Bottom line is, I’m going to tout my successes the way I see fit. If you don’t like it, keep scrolling. I’m tired of people shitting on what things that might make other people happy. YOU DO YOU.

On Christmas, my cousins and I took our annual girl cousins picture and I looked at my face and I don’t like it. First of all, my makeup was terrible. Second, I feel like my smile is not big enough. Like, what happened? I always pull out my big, cheesy grin in pictures. Are those days over? Hope not. Third, my face/chin looks huge. I was finally seeing a change, then these pictures happened and I was like, well, that was short-lived. Hopefully, NYE is kinder to my face. To be fair, maybe the fact that I was talking smack through my teeth about my mom, who was taking the pictures, didn’t help my smile/face/chins.

When I started to have some real success on this ride, a big, yet irrational fear of mine was that my teeth would look too big. Part of me doesn’t want to complain because it means my face is changing. The other part feels like I look slightly distorted. Maybe it’s time to seriously look into Invisalign.

On Christmas Eve, I met our newest little elf. My cousin and his wife (and big brother Chase!) welcomed little miss Victoria Eve on December 6th and she is so perfect.

look at me, a total natural. only mildly freaking out.

And here’s yet ANOTHER comparison collage. But this one involves adorable babies so, enjoy.

For reasons that I’ll never understand, this post has taken me three days to put together. So, all that I wanted to say has escaped my brain and because of that, I’ll end here. My plan is to try to get something up later/ tomorrow for the new year. Already making promises I won’t keep. New year, same lazy blogger.