This is the blog of Morten W. Petersen, aka. morphex in various places. I blog about my life, and what I find interesting and/or important. This is a personal blog without any editor or a lot of oversight so treat it as such. :)

Bzzzzt

So, I've been reflecting a bit lately. Today was a somewhat stressful day, with some heavy anxiety or whatever it is during the day.

That's stressful in itself, but I managed.. I get easily annoyed and jumpy though, and I'm a bit tough in my responses to Hilde and I feel a bit bad about that right now.

But, down to business. I have this paranoia/conspiracy thing that comes crashing every now and then. Back in 2000-2001 or so, I worked with a company called Thingamy (now http://www.thingamy.com) where we were on some projects which didn't work out too well. I went out on a low note, on a project which didn't finish, because I (I guess), lacked experience and was under pressure so I kept making promises. Young and naive.

Well, after that last project I went back home licked my wounds for a while, and that last project had a lasting effect on me. I think I was burnt out, and I had acquired a bit of debt.

So, close to 10 years later that project still haunts me. 5-6 years ago I teamed up with David (http://www.aktivnett.no) for a customer on a site, and we started working together after that. The customer we met on in question had (from what I heard, a deal with a company the lead from Thingamy had worked with before).

So, I guess since 2002 somewhere I've worked starting my own hosting/development company, but for some reason I kept working on the same track on some of the ideas we worked on in Thingamy.

Well, today things came crashing back again, as the mailing lists on the Plone project (where the Thingamy lead again knows some key actors in the Plone head) were discussing licensing for the Plone project, where some finer legal details could hurt my company a bit.

Well, in my time I've done some dumb things, and I feel like that's being held against me now, as

"Asperger's syndrome, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks" has something that could relate to my deal, which is that I have those symptoms, well, not so much depression these days. And there was this thing about keeping promises.

Well, I had the post with the number 3 the other day, and here comes one from Sigurd today:

Where I feel that the world is crashing in on me, and I'm impicitly pressured and threatened into working and inventing something related to user interfaces and that system without getting credit or paid for it.

This feeling is very real, and very bad.

Well, I've had some serious problems up through the years, but it was a little time ago that I heard about a, if you can call it that, prank, where the idea was to get a troubled guy who did something selfish to really suffer, without knowing what it was for.

[Later..]

I guess this sucky experience was triggered by a tall, slender white-haired guy who was (apparently) a bit drunk and eager to talk semi-good cuban or was it spanish to the storemen at the trainstation where I bought the cigars.

There has been people around me for shorter or longer time screwing with me I think. And I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing.