Noel Gallagher's real genius is for insults

The former Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher, who now plays in the badly named and even-worse-sounding "Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds", has been named this year's "God-like Genius" by the NME. Come again? He's hardly as talented as Jarvis Cocker, or Joy Division, or Ian Brown, or Massive Attack, to mention a few previous winners.

NME editor Krissi Murison said he was "a man who has written more anthems in the last two decades than anyone else." Sure, Oasis had some nice tunes but can you name five that you can't live without? Or any memorable songs from his solo career? But Noel Gallagher does have one undeniable talent. He is master of the put-down. Here are some favourites:

Noel Gallagher on Jack White:

Jack White has just done a song for Coca-Cola. End of. He ceases to be in the club. And he looks like Zorro on doughnuts. He's supposed to be the poster boy for the alternative way of thinking… I'm not having that, that's f—ing wrong. Particularly Coca-Cola, it's like doing a f—ing gig for McDonald's.

Here he is on "Our Kid" (Liam), who also has a marvellous way with words:

He’s rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.

And on that famous Tony Blair meeting illustrated above:

I don't have a crystal ball. I didn't see he was going to turn into a c–t. I was 30, off me head on drugs, and everyone telling me we were the greatest band since who knows. Then the prime minister invites you round for a glass of wine. It all becomes part of the high.

And, lastly, reacting to Gary Neville quoting Oasis lyrics:

I feel violated. If Mr Neville continues to use the holy scriptures of Oasis to communicate with the Cockney massive, I shall be forced to come up to Cheshire in the middle of the night, break into his house, tie him to a chair, make him listen to the Best Of Simply d(Red)ful while I pull his tash out one grey hair at a time (with my teeth), liberate those Oasis CDs and s–t in his manbag. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED