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There were some appealing candidates at this year’s British Fruit Awards

The banana, said the judges, is the champion of fruits. It comes with its own pull tab

Deborah Ross

June 4 2011, 11:43am, The Times

This week, I would like you to join me in congratulating the banana, which swept the boards at the inaugural British Fruit Awards, winning Fruit of the Year, Top All-Round Fruit and Best Potassium Source, as well as the special audience award for Peel With the Most Comic Potential. “The banana is an absolute marvel, and also has a jolly nice curve to it,” said the judges. “I’m thrilled, and would like to thank my family, who have been an incredibly supportive bunch,” said the banana, who wore a skin-tight, yellow all-in-one to pick up the award, and then danced at Annabel’s with two Granny Smiths – “For grannies, we have a lot of go in us” – and a melon. Apples and melons are rarely bad…