A place for couples dealing with illness to find resources and advice, hear stories, and discover support. Whether the illness is chronic or acute, the result of disease or accident, couples can learn strategies for coping with the changes illness brings into our relationships and our worlds.
The information provided in this blog is for educational and support purposes only. It should not be used as a substitute for seeking professional care.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Among the Redwoods

When I was really sick, and I mean really, I spent my days mostly pacing, trying to stay a half step ahead of pain. My entire attention was turned towards noticing degrees of pain in my body. My ability to focus on the world outside of pain became not only limited, but eventually came to feel unnecessary. It was just pain and me. Even Richard was peripheral.

I made lists in my mind about the things I would never get to do again. Things I would mourn, but would sacrifice if it could placate pain and reduce its grip. (The mind takes some strange turns when you're in pain).

I gave up Paris. I knew I would never make it to the Latin Quarter and sit at an outside table at les Deux Magots sipping un grand creme. I gave up scuba diving. I had already felt the incredibly soft underbelly of a sting ray off the Cayman Islands, and could live on that memory. The hardest thing to give up was hiking. Hiking is breathing. It is heart. It is my connection to my body on the earth. But I offered it up to pain, if only pain would go away.

Now, years and medications later, I am hiking again. A few days after a recent relapse and pill recalibration, Richard and I were hiking through giant redwood forests in Armstrong State Park near the Russian River in California.

Wings sprouted and I glided on the wind currrents up and down trails. I inhaled panoramas of rolling hills, ocean, river, clouds, sky. I felt invincible and humble.

When we landed back at the trailhead, feeling the glorious pain of exhaustion and depleted endorphins, we celebrated.

Available at Amazon and local bookstores Click on Book to Learn More

About Me

In November, 1999 I was whacked with a mysterious chronic pain syndrome that took me out of my life. With the help of my husband, my dog, and a combination of western and alternative approaches, I have a new life that includes working, writing, mountain climbing, smiling, and managing pain. I learned a lot along the way, especially about illness and the couple relationship. I'm also a psychotherapist, a business consultant, and have written a book about couples and illness, which was published in March 2013 (Roundtree Press)

“Illness is the night-side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place.”Susan Sontag