Friday, 24 July 2009

Rooster presents : Fuck you week.

I was busy writing this long winded article about social identity theory and how being a racist is a very accurate indication that a person is white trash. But there typically comes a time in a man's week when his soul groans from the weight of taking the world too damn seriously. Unless that man is Japanese of course, and therefore has no soul (just kidding Reon Kadena ... Holy Shit!)

If you're wondering why I'm putting up a picture of Reon Kadena , even though there doesn't seem to be a rational reason to, then cut off your balls and throw them away.

Anyway I suffer this affliction more than others and it's for this reason I've decided to stop telling you all how awesome South Arica is and instead tell you how crappy ass other places are. I intend to do this for the whole of next week, but the only thing I have ever done consistantly in my whole life is not follow through on anything. You can bank on it.

Places, for example, like the U.K.

Once a guy asked me to design a test to determine whether or not someone lived in a shit country. Easy. To fast track the whole thing I simply put "Do you live in the U.K" as the first question. Next to that I put two check boxes : One for "No, Thank fucking god" and another for "Go fuck yourself".

I don't know what it is that I hate most about the U.K, but a big part of it the people. Bunch of chavs, yobbos and louts. Whatever good grace the British once had they loaded off on their little adventures and foray's into South Africa (where they got their asses kicked by some zz top fans dressed in khaki's). I was watching the "secret millionaire" the other night and he was hanging out with some English people. I couldn't quite understand the premise of the show but I was sure at any moment clearly it was leading up to the millionaire paying to get all the unbearable low class twats killed. I thought this was a brilliant and delightful tv show. But no !!!....true as f#ck what does he do ? He gives them money !!!!!!

Update : I watched that show again and my god does Britain have a lot of white trash who are living in awful circumstances. It's shocking to see white people living like this. Who would move to this cesspit of islands ?

One could argue at one time that the only decent people in the U.K were the Irish. You know , a hearty , warm, beer guzzling bunch. But that was long before Westlife and fucking Boyzone. You just try lay your love on me and I'll lay my cricket bat on you , jerkwads ! And let's not even talk about Michael motherfucking Flatley or leprecauns.

Then there's the Scotts. I don't know what I hate about the Scotts, but it's probably the red haired men in girly skirts hogging all the good whisky. And for inventing a game that's both expensive, addictive and impossible to master. Everytime I'm searching for a golf ball in a f#cking bush , I'm fantasising over creative new ways to spread Scottland the plague.

And the Welsh ? Just shut the fuck up. Real men don't sing ! If you're drunk and must express yourself just hug your male friends and tell them you love them "bru". Enough of this gay singing shit. I even hate people from the rocks of gibralter. Unsociable jerks.

I mean with that said there are good reasons to move to England. Say for example you're a total asswhipe, or a douchebag for example. Then again you might be a stupid cunt. The reasons are endless. But certainly the weather is not a good reason.

The only weather you have in England is WHETHER it will be shitty, cold and wet , or WHETHER it will just be Shitty and cold. It's a perfectly acceptable but somewhat sadistic joke to send someone you know in England some sunblock and a bathing suit. The moment it arrives there will be public knee slapping laughter and it will be placed on the novelty mantlepiece as an ironic reminder of just where they are. Then later, secretly alone , the weeping.

I don't know really. Even the flag says it all. The union jack is nothing more , when you really look at it, than a crosshair. It's like a subtle suicide plea.

But one shouldn't limit themselves. There's just so much to hate about the U.K but it's not without it's good points. Luckily the few good things about the U.K , 4 to be exact, can be enjoyed from afar : Monty Python, Ramsays kitchen nightmares, the band Muse and whisky.

To conclude I'd like to tell you a story I often tell about one time I was in the U.K. Here goes.

Once upon a time I was in the U.K. and it totally sucked. Seriously, fuck that place.

The end.

I'm leaving out so much that really ought to be talked about. The bitch queen, the bland food, the crappy football fixation, the horrible youth, the smelly old people , the social welfare leaches, the werewolves in london. I know I'm leaving so much out, but frankly the whole place can go to hell.

14 comments:

Anonymous
said...

is this true

AWB was better than ANC’, and “We vote for better life, not for worse.We live like pigs’

Indeed, many journalists reporting on the Thokoza unrests – where this photograph above was taken by Shayne Robinson of The Star in Johannesburg, must have realised that this was the ultimate insult to the ANC-leadership: black voters in Thokoza had voted overwhelmingly in favour of the presidency of Jacob Zuma, yet there they were just months later -- stating that South African blacks would be better-off under the rabidly white rightwingers in the Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging than they now are under ANC-rule.

Of course it’s irrelevant that the AWB never ruled the country... this sign expresses a very intense and genuine anger felt by these black voters.

Over the past three elections, these many millions of black voters have repeatedly been promised a golden future which included jobs, free housing, free electricity, lower food-prices, better schools… Instead, they are still ‘living like pigs’, as the other poster next to it, states so clearly. Also note the large number of weapons in the hands of these protestors, from bricks to heavy metal rods. AS noted earlier, this photograph was taken by Shayne Robinson of The Star in Johannesburg, (cell 27767318361, w 27116332231 ) http://mybroadband.co.za/photos/showphoto.php/photo/11619. It’s unclear whether his own newspaper published this picture, judging from its own published pages reporting the story (left), they may not have done.

Reuters journalist Michael Georgy reported from the scene that the protesters hurled stones at police, who fired back teargas and rubber bullets (on Wednesday July 21 and 22 2009) -- “after thousands marched in a show of anger at poor services and a lack of jobs.” This journalist did not however note the contents of this poster, but does note:

“While anger was largely directed at local officials, there was also unhappiness with the government of the ruling African National Congress, which has ruled since the end of apartheid in 1994. "This government is rotten to the core," said Bongani Mazibuko, unemployed for years… “They have intensified uncertainty after a wave of strikes in Africa's biggest economy”,” Reuters comments. “The unrest, with scenes reminiscent of violence against foreigners last year that killed 62 people, also undermined South Africa's hope of showing a positive image with less than a year to go before the soccer World Cup..’

Reuters wrote that protesters pelted cars with stones and blocked a highway near Johannesburg. At Siyathemba township, 90 km (55 miles) southeast of the city, other protesters were also demanding jobs and better schools, clashing with police and threatening the local mayor. And matters are going to get even worse: municipal workers now are also threatening to strike – which will make ‘service delivery’ come to a dead-halt.

Farm invasions: “Protests turned violent for a second day in Johannesburg's Thokoza township, where residents are demanding better housing and services. Thirty-five residents are due to appear in court. Residents in Meyerton, south of Johannesburg, occupied the (now state-owned, historic Pielies Farm) - in invasions similar of those in neighbouring Zimbabwe. They were protesting at being evicted from their temporary settlement.”

What a muppet. That's why the A.N.C got almost a 2/3rd vote 4 elections in a row ? Only S.A.S could take a disgruntled comment using the A.W.B for emphasis as to how shit they think the government is...."even the A.W.B would be better...they're that bad! ha ha" and jump all of it to spin it to say "Black people prefer the A.W.B to the A.N.C" ...what fucking stupid bullshit.

1.Most of London Sucks2.The kids need a flying fuck slap to the head.3.Chavs and yobbos aplenty.4.Lack of freeways or the option to drive in a straight line for more than 100m.(and no parking anywhere)5.Nanny state that's over regulated.6.No horizon ever just another terraced house.7.Ambulance siren ever 10 min rescuing some drunk yobbo.8.Did I mention the weather?

Still, I would recommend doing a year or two after school. The place has some fantastic aspects that you will not find anywhere else.

Ja - for once I agree. UK sucks. Kids need a good fuck-slap - all of them.

But it's there own fault for letting themselves be over-run by other races. Stupid liberal pussys.

The zots tell us to fuck off back to England where we belong. You gotta be fucking kidding me. I'd never go to that shit-hole. Full of fucking arabs and pakis. I'd rather take my chances here with the nig-nogs.

Great, I should show all British people who want to go to the World Cup next year exactly what you think of their country. Typical crappy African attitude, go about bringing down other people and countries, but as soon as you want their money they are the best things on the earth! What a bunch sorry and troubled soles.

Great, I should show all British people who want to go to the World Cup next year exactly what you think of their country. Typical crappy African attitude, go about bringing down other people and countries, but as soon as you want their money they are the best things on the earth! What a bunch sorry and troubled soles.

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Never mind. Once they come here and see how awesome we live they will agree. They don't know how much their quality of life sucks. They're a notch above slaves.

I don't really hate the U.K people, I just write them down to annoy the South African expats who live there. They're the ones who hate it and miss South Africa and run around the net writing paranoid bullshit to convince themselves they are doing the right thing by not going home. And trust me...South Africans in the U.K are very very miserable.

Rooster, from your article it most certainly does not appear that way. Changed your mind since you might not get some pounds? I know plenty of people who are living in the UK and are loving it and refuse to come back, so yet more utter rubbish splurred out by you. Oh by the way its a choice, so logic sense states if people really hated the UK and would love to come back to SA, they would! Your logic is completely and utterly wrong! As for quality of life in the UK being terrible, that is more complete hog wash. I would love to know, since you are an expert on the UK, how much time have you actually spent in the UK? And no, not for a holiday or business trip, but actually living in the UK? My bet is not 1 single day, so again you have NO room to talk at all, since you haven't got the faintest clue what it is like to live in the UK.

(answer : 1 year gap year like just about everyone else I know...what do I win ? I've also lived in 3 other countries for a long period.)

And people do hate it and do want to come back.But all the alarmism in the media paints a gloomy picture that as someone who lives in S.A I find absurd. I wish to change this perception so that good resouceful South Aficans can return. I don't want to say "hey it's sunshine and rainbows" here...I just want to say...hey it's a lot better than the media is making out and consistantly improving ...come home !

I mean South Africa is not the number 1 destination of the U.K gap year kids. I meet lots of these and they all love it here. Many report wanting to come back and settle down here. It's like we're swopping our populations. 20 000 brits emmigrate here each year. Brit accents are everywhere around these days too. They don't have the apartheid baggage that fuels older south africans panaoid imaginatons. So why should you lot spite yourrselves and live in such suhuman conditions ?

No maids...extremely high cost of living , terrible weather, rude children, people who treat you like you're some kind of boorish moron because you're South African ? No thanks. Come home buddy.