Monday, September 2, 2013

In reading over the reviews of Brooks Message Therapy, I couldn't help but be reminded of the wild and crazy New York spa that we reviewed earlier, Spa 88 aka Wall Street Bath and Spa - A Russian Bath House. The decor is variously described as "like something you would see in communist Russia," to "'Hippy-Dippy' in the decor department and is a bit funky here and there [fake ivy with faux butterflies]."

Like any message therapy business, you have various therapists with different approaches. However, there appears to be a couple of Russian fellows that . . . well, let the reviewer tell it:

All I can equate my therapist to is a Soviet era nuclear armed sub with a crew chanting the mantra "Search and destroy!"

"You
feel knot here?" is the last thing I remember. With each knot
targeted, the sub-aquatic warheads were launched. My warped and gnarled
back gave out it's last bit of form and became a puddle of
post-meat-grinder refuse. If you are into the philosophy of
anthropomorphism and are curious how it might feel to be a speed-bag
under barrage of Mohammad Ali then I recommend Brooke's with 5-stars. I
suffer from no such curiosities, so I'll resign to the rating I gave.
I managed to hobble into the shower after what I now look back on as a
near death experience. I washed off the lotion and managed to stumble
back to the locker room and hang my clothes off my limp body.

In
all fairness, that was one of two massages I got at Brooke's. The other
was with a nice young white fellow named Tim. Perhaps because he's a
more toothpickish guy and doesn't have muscles forged in the crimson
fires of the KGB gauntlet camps, the massage was amazing, and left me
feeling great.

If you ever go to Brooke's, ask for Tim!

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This review in Yelp was not the only one to speak of the hand strength of a couple of the therapists. But all the others seemed to be very happy to have had their knots thoroughly expunged.

The ratings across the internet seemed to show that Brooks Message Therapy has served the community well for many decades. If you're looking for a no frills spa with excellent messages, and sauna and steam rooms (the steam room is deliciously scented by eucalyptus for both aromatic and healing propoerties), then this is the place for you.