Tuesday, 12 May 2009

Some Fresh! Manly! Wisdom!

"Always respect your lady, all relationships are a compromise, don't put too much importance on the sex side too soon and remember one week a month you need to be gentle and understanding."

Dear me. I don't think I will even start to bother analysing why I find this sort of comment a) annoying and b) sad. OK, I will have a little go.

1) Always respect your lady. How about respecting all people – and animals – regardless of whether or not you are apparently in a relationship with them?

2) She is not YOUR lady. She is her own person and not a fucking possession. One of the good things about learning Spanish is the discovery that they rarely use possessive pronouns, so 'my' or 'her' husband invariably becomes 'the' husband.

3) She is not a Lady. Is she a titled member of the aristocracy? Huh? Doubt it. She is a woman. Stop coming with the false gentility crap. All women are women. There are no 'ladies' who merit more respect than other women.

4) Are all relationships a compromise? I don't know. I'm not settling for something I'm not happy with, and I wouldn't expect someone else to. Compromise implies a sense of missed goals or lack of satisfaction.

5) Don't put too much importance on the sex side...... hahahahahahaha!!!!! Right, for all you silly men out there, there is no way I would be settling for any tosser with a penis who wasn't prepared to put importance on the sex side immediately. So is that clear?

6) Maybe not. To clarify further, I am not interested in any sort of relationship with a man who does not shag first. If they are shaggable and a good time is had by all, then I might consider a relationship. But I would not dream of wasting my time on 'getting to know each other' to end up with a shit sex life. And sex life means any type of sex. It is not always or just about PIV. It is certainly not just about your penis.

7) Oh, and another thing. This comment about sex really, really, reeks of appalling male privilege. Just for the benefit of the author of this statement and anyone else who may think the same way – sex is not something that women do as a favour, or in exchange for rights and benefits (if they are doing they need to take a quick dose of radical feminism). Women have sex because they want it and they like it. Not because it is your prerogative. Ever.

8) So, for one week a month men need to be gentle and understanding. What about the other three or four weeks a month? You can presumably act your normal arsey selves.

9) Oh, I get it now. You mean women have periods? So why didn't you say so?

10) Taken all in all it is the most patronising piece of shit I have read in some time.

And what is bad about it? It is 'well-intentioned' and meant to be good advice to a younger man. Well, it is not. It is unhelpful and does no more than re-inforce the tired old shite that we are all sick of.

So - nice man. Please keep your unasked for Fresh! Manly! Wisdom! to yourself. The only ones to give men advice about what women want from a relationship are women. Hey, but silly me. Men always know better, don't they? About fucking everything.