New and old, and old and new,
Come join this thread, it's here for you.
Cyber poets all unite
And show your skills in writing shite.

The poetry must be quite good,
shite's just the subject... understood?
You do not have to use crude words,
for not all shite's compossed of turds.

Let all your inhibitions fall,
and try to write about it all.
For shite is always to be seen,
but what is shite... that's what I mean.

I'll start the thread so you can see,
Just what it is that's shite to me.
It's not urea or a turd,
It how some poetry's absurd.

"I feel that I have reached my best
and none can now compete.
The only chance you have to learn,
is begging at my feet."

Now that is shite, don't you agree,
and words like this are shite to me.
So what is it, that makes you blue,
please join this thread and tell us too.

Maybe it's poems without rhymes,
or even double spacing lines.
Maybe it's music with a beat
that makes your ears admit defeat.
Maybe it's food with rancid taste
or marmalade or just meat paste.
Now matter what is shite to you
we'd like to share your bad tastes too.

So grab your pen and have some fun,
In comments let this new thread run.
This time to get your poem right,
It's got to be... a load of shite!

------The moment created this second, is a moment that's going to last.
It lives the full spectrum of time, the future, the present and past.
------

Ivor...what would Shakespeare say?
Trust you Ivor
to keep things light
And make us laugh
with all our might
Only you... right out
Of the blue
Would wax poetic
wrting about poo!

Call it "shite"
or what you will
Just thinking about it
Makes me ill.
What would poor ole
Shakespeare say
To hear you sully
Poetry this way?
Of all the things
We could write about
"Poo's" not one of them
without a doubt!
You silly man
though I love you still
I think your brain
Has gone over the hill
I know you think me
cranky and shrill
But would Shakespeare do it?
No...not Will!

I'll leave you to it
thought I think it trite
To write about something
As smelly as shite
But as for you
You're still a delite
The rest of your poems
Are DY-NO-MITE!

Ivor...what would Shakespeare say?
Trust you Ivor
to keep things light
And make us laugh
with all our might
Only you... right out
Of the blue
Would wax poetic
wrting about poo!

Call it "shite"
or what you will
Just thinking about it
Makes me ill.
What would poor ole
Shakespeare say
To hear you sully
Poetry this way?
Of all the things
We could write about
"Poo's" not one of them
without a doubt!
You silly man
though I love you still
I think your brain
Has gone over the hill
I know you think me
cranky and shrill
But would Shakespeare do it?
No...not Will!

I'll leave you to it
thought I think it trite
To write about something
As smelly as shite
But as for you
You're still a delite
The rest of your poems
Are DY-NO-MITE!

Thanks for your comments Ivor
Anyone with half a wit knows it's best done while you sit. It's brown, it's warm, with changing form.
Some I've had ain't smelled half bad. Once while somewhat clogged I produced this massive log.
I just had to share, so I took it to the county fair. To see if I could win a prize for it had astounding size. But alas the judges had a fit and I didn't win ....

Conniption!
Conniption fits, you must agree,
are not reserved for folk like me.
So Bobby's dad had cause to tell
the thing that drove 'him' into hell.
His loving son has turned out right,
But growing up he was a shite!

But me, I was a loving thing,
who used to smile, and laugh and sing.
A mummy's boy they all called me,
and loved to have me 'round to tea.
Now doesn't that get up your nose,
no tantrums from this perfect rose.
It really makes you want to spit,
attention seeking, little shit!

In the Shite!
(adapted to poetry from an old story)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little bird flew on a cold winters day,
His small wings they froze and he fell a long way.
He landed in cow muck and thought he would die,
Freezing to death, he then started to cry.

But the cow poo was warm and it unfroze his wing.
The little bird happy, then started to sing.
A passing fox heard him and thought 'this is great',
Grabbed him out of the shit..and this birdie he ate!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are three morals to this story:

1. It is not always your enemy that lands you in the shite.

2. If someone gets you out of the shite, it is not always your friend.

Shite... THREAD
I,ve thought and I,ve pondered this thread posted by Ivor
I,ve rattled my brain like mister McGwyver
Everything I think of just sounds like a rap
And if your like me your not into that crap
So I,ll come here each day to this page on Lit
Just to see what has been added to this thread on shite

Words set in Concrete!
Steve, no need for you to rattle brain
if thinking gives you so much pain.
Just let your woreds like concrete flow,
despatch them to the box below.
And if at last the mix is right,
your poetry will not be shite.
But then will stand the test of time,
and cement us all to every line...

Shite...
Thank you Ivor
I,ve read what you said
oh the relief my aching head
A little sand and some rock will do
To make this poetry stick like glue
Mix them together and stir it well
Let it rest and time will tell
Get it wrong ,and It wont be a hit
It,ll just lay there like a pile of shite
You,ll need some help with the finishing part
Cause making it smooth is really an art
You,ll need to hurry as it set,s pretty quick
With the proper equipment you can make it slick
Now step away your job is threw
It looks very nice and not like poo
Three days later you,ll be a big hit
Cause your concrete looks good and not like shite

I think Im done with this discussion on crap
And on that note I,ll call it a wrap
I,ll go to my job in my hole they call the pit
And patiently await your response on this shite

2nd try
I hope you understand it was never in my plans to walk about upon my hands. I read your poem and understood and could have replied and really should, but oh no I had to wait and then and there seal my fate. For when I returned I forgot the gist and so began the ackward twist. I latched onto poo and thought ah yes I can do this too. But it was I alone who penned those words. I read them back they're quite absurd. And it was I the twit that clicked the button called submit. But here I really must protest for the lack of the button call GET IT BACK! And though it might not seem polite that missing button is shite.

I had a brand new Renault
it cost me quite a lot.
The dealers that repaired it
were just a load of rot.
I am a good mechanic
so I'm the one to blame.
For thinking that all modern cars
were nearly all the same.

But this car, had good airbags
around all sides of me.
So when I got the slightest chance
I'd try them out, you see.
A perfect opportunity
came knocking at my door.
To take a woman for a ride,
who was my wife before.

So speeding down the motorway
around eighty, not much more.
I saw the perfect take off ramp,
some debris on the floor.
The car was flying smoothly
doing somesaults in the air.
It tumbled over, end on end
and had to land somewhere.

The crashing and the crunching
the grating and the bangs,
should have fired off all the the airbags,
To save us, you understand.
But when the car had finally,
plundered to a rest.
I'm sad to say, that once again,
Renault had failed the test!

But we both survived the trauma
of our test flight on that night.
No thanks to Renault Motors...
for their cars are nought but shite.

Kitty's Compliments
Nitz Kitty paid a compliment
is not sure what to do.
Myself, I'd just accept the words
and say a loud 'thank you'.
But Kitty thinks her suitor
just talks a load of shite.
But a quick look in the mirror
would tell her if he's right!

Fermented Shite
Fermented now for 30 months
manure should now be ripe.
So spread little on the thread
with everything you type.
Cross fertilize our readers
with this aged heap of dung
and resurect the way you feel
with songs you've not yet sung!

Ivor's Shite
Ivor dear
It's great to hear
You haven't changed a bit
You can take a subject
So foul as shite
Smell like a rose on Lit.
What's shite to me
I must admit
Is not the turdy kind
But folks who think
They know it all
Are enough to drive me to drink!!