‘The Vampire Diaries': As one

So much pretty you need one of those eclipse pin hole thingies to look at them. (Quantrell D. Colbert/The CW)

Eloise wastes no time integrating her family into life in Mystic Falls. Engraved invitations arrive on the doorstep of every notable in town, promising an evening of dancing, cocktails, and celebration. Hugs and kisses, the Mikaelson Family. “It’s not bad enough they’re moving into town, now they want a housewarming gift?” There’s a handwritten note on the back of Elena’s invitation. “I think it’s time we finally meet. Esther Eloise.” There is meowing about whether or not Elena should go, and if so, which brother is on protection detail. After three seasons, those boys should know better than to try and tell Elena what to do.

At Casa de Original, party prep is underway. Rebekah is having her nails done and the men are being fitted for tuxedos. It’s also becoming clear just why Klaus kept his siblings locked away in boxes. Rebekah has already attacked Elena and Cole is just a narcissistic tool. Eloise has a different perspective. They need time. Klaus can’t put daggers in their hearts and then expect gratitude when he finally pulls them out. She’s had a 1,000 years on the other side to work through her anger and heal. 1,000 years to dream of her family being as one. “Forgiveness is not a chore. It’s a gift.”

Tyler leaves a voicemail for Caroline. He freaked out and ran (shocker), and he should have called sooner (but didn’t). Tool. He’ll make it all up to her once he fixes himself and comes home to her. While he’s doing that, Klaus is fondly asking Caroline to save him a dance at the ball. She tosses the invite away in disgust, but can’t help opening the great big box with the shiny bow that accompanied it. Inside is a gorgeous midnight blue gown. She gasps when she sees it, realizes how much she loves it, and then quickly slaps the lid back on the box before the sequins and beads can further hypnotize her. When she and Elena meet at the Pit to compare notes, Caroline declares it “some sick Cinderella fetish. And why does the evil witch want an audience with you?” Elena intends to find out, and asks Caroline to be her drama-free date – slash – body guard. She can’t deal with Stefan or Boone right now. Caroline thinks one of them would look better in a tux than she would (Stefan), but changes her tune when Rebekah hand delivers an invitation to Matt. “What time is this stupid dance?” She searches through her closet, hoping in vain that this time she’ll find something that she likes better than the beaded blue gown that is quietly calling out to her. Wear me … wear meeee …

It’s a packed house for Eloise’s magical night. Clearly we are not surprised that Mystic Falls has the infrastructure to support the 24-hour planning and execution of a full blown ball. They probably have a ball-in-the-box at City Hall the way some buildings have emergency shelter-in-place supplies. Mrs. Mayor is there because, “when the oldest, deadliest family of vampires moves into your town you welcome them with a smile. I’m trying to protect this town.” Caroline arrives at the party with her swagger on, but the closer she gets to Klaus, the more her nerve fails her. He says good evening; she says she needs a drink. Hee! Elena – naturally – ends up with a Salvatore on either arm 30 seconds after her grand entrance. Finn introduces himself, and tells Elena that if she wants to meet Eloise, she’ll have to do it alone. He excuses himself to join his family on the grand staircase. Elijah welcomes their guests, and invites everyone into the ballroom to formally begin the festivities with a waltz. The town collectively gives me a side-eye as though to say, ‘See. This is why we have all those special functions, and theme dances at the high school, and cotillions. All our lives we’ve been preparing for this, recapper.’ God, fine whatever. Go do your little 3/4 time box step and leave me out of it. Moving on. Elena sees this as her chance to slip away and meet Eloise, but Boone is right by her side. Blah blah I told you not to do something I ignored you blah let’s dance. Stefan stands in the corner and has a sad. Caroline stares daggers in the back of Rebekah’s head while Klaus tries to make small talk. He’s glad she came. “It was either caviar or sympathy casseroles.” He heard about HRG. “Don’t. Seriously.” She looks ravishing in that dress. “I didn’t really have time to shop.” What’s her excuse for wearing the diamond bracelet he gave her for her birthday? ” … … ” Hey, a girl can like shiny things, it’s not a crime. He compliments her on her dancing. “Well, I’ve had training. I happen to be Miss Mystic Falls.” He knows.

Partner change. Caroline interrogates Matt. “Why are you here with the she-devil??” “Why are you here with Klaus?” I don’t think anyone needs to tell Matt not to get her started. Elena twirls from Boone into Stefan’s arms. “He dances. I didn’t even have to beg.” There’s a greater opportunity here, and Elena quickly seizes it. She and Stefan slip outside so she can ask for his help getting to Eloise. “Boone won’t let me anywhere near her without protection, and you care about killing Klaus more than you care about anything. Make sure I can get into that room with [Eloise]. Alone.”

“When we were together you used to let me make my own decisions. You trusted me. After all this, at least that hasn’t changed.”

Caroline goes outside for some air. Apparently she finds this random horse’s company more appealing than Klaus’s. As one would. The horse isn’t nearly as chatty and much less likely to try and kill everyone you’ve ever known or loved. She’s done talking to Klaus until he tells her why she was invited. “I fancy you.” Clearly. As one does. How could he not be intrigued by the girl who’s worth breaking a sire bond for? He tells her a charming story about the time Michael killed his favorite horse. She tells him she let her father go with no regrets. BURN! “And to answer your question, yes, I like horses. But I also like people, and they actually like me, so I’ll be inside.” It also appears she was right to worry about Matt and Rebekah. The Original only invited him so she could kill him. If Eloise won’t let her kill Elena, the least she can do is make her suffer. Cole is all too happy to assist. He thinks a nice bloody killing on the grand staircase is just the spectacle this tote hose party needs. The parking lot is fine with Rebekah. Matt makes a stop at his truck to get his coat. Even though he’s the one that’s cold, and she’s a vampire, he drapes his letterman jacket over Rebekah’s shoulders. It’s the little things that keep you alive. TEAM MATT!

Elijah catches Elena in the hall, and voices doubts about his mother’s intentions. “Can I depend on you to tell me what she says?” He’s right to be concerned. She’s going to undo the evil she created, and all she needs is one drop of Elena’s blood. Its essence will be in the champagne, and it will bind the siblings as one. “You said yourself Klaus can’t be killed. But tonight’s spell links all my children together so that if one goes, they all go.”

“I love my family, but they are an abomination. I betrayed Nature when I created them. It’s my duty to kill them”

Wow, Eloise and killing her children. It’s totally a thing with her. When Elijah finds Elena before the toast, she lies and tells him Eloise’s forgiveness is genuine. Drink up. Skol!

Klaus continues his wooing undeterred. Calling back to his “world of beauty” deathbed speech, he shows Caroline his art collection. “I take it the curators of the Louvre aren’t on vervain?” Telling her the diamond bracelet was once worn by a princess almost as beautiful as she is gets him an exaggerated eye-roll. Peddle it to somebody who’s buying. Hee! His own sketches do earn Caroline’s admiration, but he pushes too hard by offering to take her anywhere in the world she wants to go. She snaps that it must be nice to get whatever he wants. To have a little servant army of hybrids at his command. Why does he need Tyler? “Give him his life back.” If she’s going to spoil all of Klaus’s fun, she can just leave – but not before she gets in one final Daddy Issues parting shot and throws the bracelet in his face. TEAM CAROLINE!

Boone is pissy that Elena went against him and met with Eloise on her own. She doesn’t like going behind his back either, but she couldn’t have him playing the hero and ruining everything. He’s sorry for trying to keep her alive! He’s only mad because he loves her!

“Well maybe that’s the problem.”

As soon as she says it, Elena wants to take it back, but the damage is done. HURT BOONE GOES SMASH! When Cole decides to have a little fun with Matt, and break every bone in his hand, it’s all the excuse Boone needs. He shoves the Original off a balcony, jumps after him, and then snaps his neck – leaving the body in plain view on the front steps. Is Boone crazy?!

“Maybe a little. Far be it for me to cause a problem.”

The party winds down, and Finn joins his mother in her study. She writes out the names of her children on a piece of paper, and then draws a thin blade across Finn’s hand. As the blood falls on the page, it creates a family tree. It bursts into flame and she announces, “The link is complete. You are one.”

Stefan sees Elena home and tries to set her mind right about any guilt she may be feeling. “You signed Klaus’s death sentence. Everyone else is just collateral damage. The family has brought you nothing but darkness. It is that simple.” He almost manages to make a clean getaway, but Elena stops him on the porch. Did he really not feel anything?

“When?”

Elena marvels at him. How does he do it? How does act like he doesn’t care – like he doesn’t feel anything – because she can’t. ELENA HAS ALL OF THE FEELINGS. And therein lies her answer. Stefan hurt her. He bit her. He hates himself for everything he’s done to her.