It's Washington Capitals hockey, all day, all night, all the time . . . or when I get around to it

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Washington Capitals: A Look Back at a Silly Little Draft Post

We were rummaging through some odd posts we made on some other Web sites before we became respectable and established this site that is read by several each day. One of them was our take on the 2006 draft, the one that netted the Caps Nicklas Backstrom in the first round. We prognostified something, well...different. Which is to say...ok, "stupid" in a number of cases...

The Peerless Prognosticator is ON THE AIR! Yes, he’s back,
he’s rested, he’s as incomprehensible as ever. And for your edification,
enjoyment, and excitement, he brings you the only mock draft you’ll ever need.
The Peerless prefaces all of this by remarking that he has seen exactly NONE of
these players in person, but it’s not like he’s going to get fired for any
especially boneheaded picks (but being Peerless, we don’t have to worry about
that, do we?). So, here we go . . . as always, do not use these picks for any
cash wagers, it just cuts into my take . . .

1. St. Louis . . . “With the first pick overall in the 2006
National Hockey League Amateur Entry Draft, the St. Louis Blues select . . .
defenseman, Erik Johnson.” Well, that was a surprise, wasn’t it? He’s at the
top of just about every meaningful prospect list. Who am I to argue?

2. Pittsburgh . . . Phil Kessel, C. If the Penguins draft
any more centers, they’ll start to look like the center-crazed Flyers. Kessel
can be a wing, he can be a thigh and a breast, he can be fryer parts for all
the Penguins care . . . they need a goal-scorer, and this guy also provides
insurance against a Malkin no-show.

3. Chicago . . . Jordan Staal, C. The Hawks would go for
Kessel, if available, but The Peerless, if you’ve read this far, has Kessel
gone by now. So, the Hawks go for a player with some degree of name
recognition. They need it; folks are starting to wonder if the Hawks have
moved.

STP . . . Chicago trades the #3 pick to Colorado for the
Avalanche's first and second picks this year and a first next year. Colorado
selects Staal, Chicago selects Artem Anisimov with the Avalanche pick.

4. Washington . . . Jonathan Toews, C. There is a temptation
to select Niklas Backstrom with this pick, but the Caps used their top three
picks last year -- Sasha Pokulok, Joe Finley, Andrew Thomas - on NCAA players.
Maybe it’s a GPA thing.

6. Columbus . . . Peter Mueller, C. This selection fulfills
a childhood desire to dress up in a red, white and blue sweater with a bug on
it.

STP . . . Columbus trades Jan Hrdina to Washington for
Dainius Zubrus. The trade hockey fans across the continent have been waiting
for over the past five years is finally consummated.

7. NY Islanders . . . Derick Brassard, C. Mike Milbury is
seen being physically restrained by Islanders staff in his efforts to get to
the podium and announce the selection of Eeku Heikkinen (The Peerless’ choice
for the best name in the draft). Fans can hear shrieks of ‘EEEEEEEEK-oo
EEEEEEEEK-oo” from the wings.

STP . . . The Islanders trade Alexei Yashin to the
California Golden Seals for a conditional draft pick. It is three days before
the league realizes there is a problem here.

8. Phoenix . . . Jiri Tlusty, LW. As Gary Bettman
experiences difficulty with the microphone, Wayne Gretzky offers assistance . .
. “you have to take the microphone thusly.” This is recorded as the Coyotes’
selection, and thusly, Tlusty is selected.

STP . . . Phoenix trades Paul Mara to Washington for the
Capitals’ two second round picks in this draft (34th and 35th overall picks),
just so Mara can hear Alex Ovechkin describe over and over how he scored that
goal after Mara was draped all over him last January.

9. Minnesota . . . Kyle Okposo, RW. Seems a pretty good fit
for Jacques Lemaire’s club. And, he hails from St. Paul. They can keep an eye
on him while he’s at U-Minn.

STP . . . The Wild trade Marian Gaborik to Atlanta for Andy
Sutton and Jim Slater, which will allow journalists to use the line all year,
“goal scored by Marian (Gaborik) from Marian (Hossa).

10. Florida . . . Bryan Little, C. It would figure that
Florida has four forwards (Roberts, Nieuwendyk, Gelinas, Stumpel) with an
average age of 37. The team meal is the early bird at Stuckey’s.

STP . . . Florida trades Roberto Luongo to Detroit for the
rights to the last production Hummer H1.

STP . . . Los Angeles trades this pick and an opportunity to
be adopted by Angelina Jolie to St. Louis for the #1 overall pick.

12. Atlanta . . . James Sheppard, LW. What with Peter Bondra
a sure bet to return to DC (...two, three, four), the Thrashers need to be
thinking about the future.

STP . . . Atlanta trades this pick to Carolina for Cory
Stillman in the hopes that the Cup will follow him around the Southeast
Division.

13. Toronto . . . Bob Sanguinetti, D. With Carlo Colaiacovo,
these two constitute the most inches of jersey name plate for defensemen in the
National Hockey League. If you can’t have a cup in 40 years, you can have
something.

STP . . . The Leafs don’t make any trades, secure in the
thought that they have all the ingredients they need to assume their rightful
place as Stanley Cup champions. Leafs’ personnel are led out of GM Place in
straight-jackets.

15. Tampa Bay . . . Jonathan Bernier, G. When the coach
kneecaps one goalie with his comments and doesn’t particularly want to play the
other one, you’ve got a “situation.” Tampa will be sniffing for a goalie in
trade or an FA, but they need a longer term solution, too.

16. Montreal . . . Nigel Williams, D. Montreal has a lot of
young guys, but seems to lack a guy to compliment Mike Komisarek as a physical
presence, and Williams seems to have more offensive upside.

STP . . . Montreal offers this pick, their first rounders
for the next three years, Chris Higgins, Alexander Perezhogin, and a brick from
the old Forum to Pittsburgh for Sidney Crosby. The Pens say, “no thanks,” but
do offer Shane Endicott for that package.

STP . . . The Ducks trade the term “mighty” for another
adjective . . . “dead,” “lame,” and “Peking” are rejected.

20. San Jose . . . Patrik Berglund, C. Insurance against
losing a top center down the road to free agency.

STP . . . No thanks, we’re fine.

21. NY Rangers . . . Chris Summers, D. Larry Brooks would
rather the Rangers just buy a forward as a long term strategy (he pretty much
makes this point in his blurb in The Hockey News). Hey, here’s an idea . . .
draft somebody.

24. Buffalo . . . Dennis Persson, D. Not a deep team at this
position, now or down the road. Unless you’re thinking “Norris” and “Nathan
Paetsch” should occupy the same sentence, in which case . . . seek help.

STP . . . A three way deal . . . Buffalo sends a 2-CD set of
highlights of their second round playoff series to Ottawa for an autographed
picture of John Muckler. Buffalo sends the picture to the Islanders for a puck
signed by Ted Nolan.

25. New Jersey . . . Ryan White, C. One of the class of
player referred to as “two way forward.” Calgary probably would have taken this
guy with the next pick . . . nyah, nyah.

30. St. Louis . . . Nick Foligno, LW. Pretty good blood
lines; his father was a gritty sort. With as much skill as the Blues need,
they’ll need this, too.

STP . . . Trade this pick and the #1 overall this year, plus
Timofei Shishkanov (who The Peerless picked solely on the basis of liking to
say, “Timofei Shishkanov”) and a 2007 second round pick to Pittsburgh for
Evgeni Malkin. Pittsburgh selects Erik Johnson and Eric Gryba.

And, the most intriguing player perhaps in this draft is a
6’2”, 180 pound center out of Russia described by Central Scouting as having
“excellent vision ... soft hands - a very good passer and playmaker … very good
puck control … has a good selection of shots. very good over-all skill level
…Physical, tall and hard working forward.” He is the 30th ranked European
skater at Central Scouting, perhaps a middle-round pick.

The other stuff

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