I Breastfeed My Dog

How do you stop your dog from barking? Breastfeed her, of course. It worked for Suzanne Morgan, 32, anyway.

It was sod’s law. I’d just got my daughter, Tasha, off to sleep, now, my dog, Dixie, was barking like mad to be fed. I opened the kitchen cupboard, only to see there wasn’t a single tin of dog food left. I felt like crying. Worst of all, I knew Dixie wouldn’t shut up until she’d filled her stomach.

‘We must have something,’ I said, as I peered inside the fridge.

Then I spotted the bottles of breast milk I’d expressed earlier that day.

Admittedly, Tasha, 17 months, was quite old to still be breastfeeding, but I loved the bond it gave us, so I’d decided to carry on. It was free, too, which was good, because since I’d split up with her dad, Ted Collins, 35, when she was 3 months old, money was tight.

I’d always produced more milk than Tasha could drink, so I’d got into the habit of keeping some in the fridge for when I left her with a babysitter.

The truly distressing part is that this whore is continuing to breed. Please stop. The world is already too full of arse-faced hornballs without brains as it is.

girlmachine

I like how she has put the full names and ages of the men she is breeding with on the internet. THAT, my friends, is why you should never have sex with crazy people.

tonyviner

You should always have sex with crazy people. This one chick I was with, after she turned out to be a post-op dude, she had this weird thing with dead rabid birds. She would usually wear them on her head while we made love, luckily she never let them anywhere near our nether regions. Her name was Barbara Bush Jr. if anyone is interested in looking her up.

girlmachine

Well then, I believe I stand corrected.

mrtwilight23

How is this any weirder than humans drinking cow milk?

sartorius

Most people don't directly suckle a cow's teat.

quantumrequiem

As the article indicated, sartorius, she didn't pop her boob into the dog's mouth to deliver the milk – it had already been extracted. I have to agree with mrtwilight23.

quantumrequiem

Uh oh – I just clicked the link. Guess sartorius was right after all…

Anonymous

I don’t remember what human milk tastes like anymore. If dogs could talk….

GoodDoktorBad

I don't remember what human milk tastes like anymore. If dogs could talk….