13-year-old would rather play Halo with hooker than get laid, will be next 40-year-old virgin

10 years

What is with America’s youth these days? 13-year-old Ralph Hardy from Newark, Texas, decided that he was going to spend $30,000 on junk food, gadgets, an Xbox and two hookers with a stolen CC, which is fine and dandy, but who asks call girls to play Halo instead of doing the deed?

This kid sounds super weird, but he’s pretty clever. When the escorts came and realized he was under age he told them that he was apart of a traveling circus because he had a growth impairment and that, by law, they couldn’t refuse him service because of his disability. On the other hand, Ralph and his friends told the junk food delivery guy that they had just won a WoW tournament. He finagled a CC from one of his dad’s accounts by answering those security questions that are meant to keep your account secure.

For his tomfoolery, Ralph has been convicted of fraud and sentenced to three years of community service.