…a boomer muses about life, change, joys, sorrows and freedom from the prison of corporate life.

Roadkill C.S.I.

Sometimes things aren’t always as they seem in life. Take roadkill, for example. Now we’re all accustomed to seeing roadkill now and then – cats, opossums, and raccoons. I’ve even seen a deer from time to time. And we always assume, “poor thing, probably just trying to cross the road.” But the other day when I was running errands, I saw two very odd examples of roadkill, and realized there must be more to them than met the eye.

The first one I saw as I sped down the highway. Up ahead, there was what appeared to be a pillow in the road. As I neared, I saw that it was a goose, in a mass of feathers, with two big goose feet sticking up. I wondered what the other drivers assumed happened. They probably just thought, “big old goose must have flown into a car.” But I asked myself “why?” Then I put on my “Pseudo-Crime Scene-Investigator” hat, and figured it out.

This goose, probably named Griz, was flying with his extended family to Florida, like they had been doing all his life. But, the truth was, Griz HATED Florida and hated this yearly migration. He found it boring, tiring and nerve-wracking, what with his mother-in-law constantly saying, “I knew we should have left earlier! Can you feel that cold? Didn’t I say last week we were running late?” Finally he decided to speak up.

“Hey guys!” he called. “My wings are killing me! What do you say we take a little break?”

He was met with a bunch of negative honks, and the other geese looked at him like he was crazy. They sped up, and this was where Griz took his stand.

“You guys go on. I just need to stretch my legs. I’ll catch up with you later!” With that, he turned around and started soaring towards earth. As he did, he cursed himself for not keeping his last eye doctor appointment because everything appeared blurry. But suddenly he saw two long yellow lines right down the middle of the highway. “Daffodils!” he exclaimed. “I LOVE daffodils! It must be Spring down there. I’ve been wishing for Spring! If it is, I’m gonna stay there forever!” Alas, the moment his feet touched the highway, a white Ford Taurus station wagon immediately plowed into him, killing him instantly!

Of course the “up” side of this is – he went out with Spring in his heart forever.

Then there was another example. I was returning from my errands down a quiet outer road, when I saw something small and gray right in the middle of the street. Since there was no traffic at all, I veered to the right and slowed down to look out my window. There, with his arms and legs spread out, was a dead mouse. There was no blood. In fact, he looked like one of those cartoon mice who get hit by a train or something. Here again, most people might just assume this mouse had been running across the street and was hit. But not me. In my role as “Star- Roadkill C.S.I.” I noticed the lack of trauma on the body and the absence of any weapon. So here’s what I think happened:

This mouse, let’s call him Tad, had been wintering in the huge basement of a house in an upper-bracket neighborhood with his wife and 323 children. Due to the frigid temperatures, he’s been stuck inside with all the yelling, whining, running and squeaking of those 323 baby mice, and he’s about to lose his mind. So, he decided he HAD to get out! He left through a crack in the basement wall and started running until he could no longer hear the racket. He was walking down a nice, deserted road and, for the first time in months, he experienced peace and quiet. “Ah!” he exclaimed, “this is lovely! I wish I could just rest in this peace forever!”

Just then his cell phone rang. It was his wife. “Darling!” she said, “I just got a call from the doctor, and guess what? I’m pregnant again!”

At the sound of those fateful words, poor Tad’s tiny heart went into spasms, and he dropped down stone cold dead!

But, the last time I saw him, he WAS resting in peace.

So, the point I’d like to make today is – things aren’t always as cut and dried as they seem. Life is much more complicated than that. And if there’s a lesson to be learned from these two victims, it is, “Be very careful what you wish for.”

(P.S. I didn’t use actual crime scene photos of the deceased out of respect to the Geese and Mice families.)

Amazing. I never realized there was so much drama out there and I just drove right past it, over it, around it and missed out on everything. I’ll try to pay more attention to
the next furry, bloody pile in the middle of the road next
time. Maybe it will speak to me too.