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Emotions.

I do admit that sometimes emotions are messy, annoying and loud.I do understand why some people might hate their emotions or having emotions. However for me, I have never truly hated my emotions.Personally, I have always liked to sit down and pick my emotions out bit by bit. I like to try to understand why I feel a certain way and sometimes, that helps to give me back some control.That's why most of the times, I understand why I feel a certain way.When I am aware why I feel a certain way, I can sometimes slowly change my own emotions consciously.However, there are times when the emotion is so overwhelming that even though I understand why I feel this way, there is still no way to relief myself from these emotions.This is where I feel extremely lucky that I write.I still remember a period in my life where I was extremely upset and at that point, I didn't really quite understand why.But I wrote.I remember carving out my emotions and inserting them in a story.I remember creating the characters from those emotions.I remember sculpting them.I remember the intensity when I wrote.How I blocked everything out and just focused on this story.By the time I was done, the story and the characters were complete.It was a rather sad story with loads of suffering and pain.But the funny thing is, creating this story have helped me healed.Watching the characters fight back and persevere against the pain and suffering has given me strength.Creating this story has also somewhat helped me figure out why I felt the way I felt and it has also helped me release the overwhelming tension of my emotions.And that is why I write.It's not because I have a talent in it.It's because I don't really have choice.It's because it's the only way I know how to express myself and my emotions.It's because it's the only way to sometimes stop the noise in my head.With NaNoWriMo coming tomorrow, I just wanted to make a post on what makes me a writer or rather, why I write.

I do think we have our choice in writing dor. I love writing because it heals me and it clarify my thoughts.I feel good because I can write and I feel happy when I do write.I want to write because it makes me happy.��

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This is a letter for myself. But this is also a letter for those who find themselves in the same place as I am.

I'm going to admit that life is different from what I initially thought when I was younger.

When I was younger, I assumed that by now, I would have reached or be somewhat close to the life of my dreams.

But now that I reach this point, I realised that I was wrong. I did not take into account that tertiary education took years. Personally, I don't regret my tertiary education because I did enjoy it. Yes, it was insane and difficult but it was fun and I met amazing people there.

It's been a year since my graduation and I find myself being frustrated. I felt disappointed in myself because no, I don't have my own apartment and no, I'm not rocking that cool ass job that I always dreamed of. But no, I don't hate my job either. In that sense, I'm fortunate I suppose. But I feel that it may not be the kind of thing that I want to do.

Man, it feels odd to have people believe in you at the very moment you do not trust yourself. It feels odd to hear people's praises of you when you're feeling incapable. So I guess, it's time for one of my many alter ego to suit up if I wanna win that debate competition!!

Like any other person, I have many alter ego's...and I'm gonna list most of them today.

Ms Drama QueenLikes :Attention and spotlight. She's a diva.Dislikes :People stealing her spotlight or not getting her spotlight.She is : A real drama queen. She whines & complains alot though. She thinks that the world revolves around her.Can't handle :Ms Productive

Ms Arrogant Likes : Winning, winning and winning.Dislikes : Losing and losers.She is : A real mean arrogant person. She really doesn't care about the other people. She thinks she is the best. Mostly, she thinks that her opponents aren't even her equal unless they have proven otherwise. Even then, she still thinks she is better than …

I guess it's time I grow up. When high school is over, I have to grow up, be a mature and a responsible little young lady.There's alot of things I have to learn.

To be honest, I'm a little afraid of leaving graduating from high school.WHY?I mean, I've been going to school for years. And the thought that it will finally end is a relief but also a little frightening.

But it's a new chapter in life. Everyone goes through it. So yea, I'm afraid but excited at the same time. There's so much to do after the graduating. College, driver licence & etc...

I guess I'll miss high school a little. Never thought it would end...but yea, it will soon enough.

Before I left high school, I need some closure. I mean, I made some friends & lost some friends. I do have some regrets. I was such an idiot and arrogant ass last time.So yea, before high school end, I need to send some letters to the few people I hurt.