SkyGod’s Top Ten Skydiving Tips

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SkyGod is tired of being the best skydiver on any jump. To up the talent a little, SkyGod is giving away his best advice for free. You are getting coaching worth approximately $843 right here for nothing. You’re welcome. Follow these tips and work your way onto any of SkyGod’s loads.

10.

Any successful dock begins with power in the legs. Drive your way into that formation as fast and as hard as you can and don’t stop until you have grips securely in both hands.

9.

A good rule of thumb for exiting is to wait until the group ahead of you makes a 45-degree angle behind the plane. If you’re not good at geometry, give them at least 2 seconds but never more than 4 or 5 seconds. Don’t waste everyone’s time, just get the hell out of the plane.

8.

If you ever get injured, the most important thing is to get back up in the air as quick as you can. The human body has an almost limitless capacity for healing but it has to be moving and in use to do so.

7.

Stand up every landing. If there is a choice between breaking your ass or your feet or legs, go for the legs every time. Sliding in on your ass is for chicks in hot pink jumpsuits jumping Specters.

6.

If you can safely land your canopy where you want to in any wind condition at least once, you are ready to downsize, but not before then.

5.

If it scares you, it’s worth doing.

4.

Turbulence under canopy is best handled by going back and forth between half and full brakes. The aerodynamics of the ram-air work best this way and you’ll land like butter.

3.

SkyGod is normally not a fan of AADs or RSLs unless you have shoulder issues and can’t always pull. Obviously you shouldn’t be so much of a pussy that a little pain will keep you from reaching back there but sometimes you just can’t do it and in those cases, the little black box will just pull for you at the right time.

2.

Those little tiny cameras are cheap enough that you can get at least one to film all of your jumps. It’s a great learning tool to be able to rewatch all your jumps. Some places will require you to have at least some number of jumps but fuck them. Just go somewhere they don’t care, or stick it in your jumpsuit and don’t tell anyone. You can just pull it out right before jump run and slip it on—usually people are so involved with their own shit that they won’t notice what you’re doing.

1.

Have sex with SkyGod. There isn’t a skychick on the podium who hasn’t benefited from a little SkyGod in her.

Editor’s note: Following SkyGod’s tips for skydiving, life or cooking will very likely result in pain, ridicule, death or dismemberment. Seriously, this is all terrible advice that will at worst kill you and at best leave you with the clap.

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