Pages

Monday, February 25, 2013

Pregnant RE

Apparently if you have a female reproductive endocrinologist, you should ask if she's pregnant before you believe her suggestions or diagnosis.

I didn't know this little trick. Now I'm stuck on a cycle with a pregnant doctor (I mean like seven months pregnant). I wish she would have told me so I could have switched doctors, but I guess that wouldn't have been cost effective for her. Because I'm infertile, when someone looks heavy, I don't assume pregnancy. I assume they're like me, indulging in ice cream to get through the sadness.

Don't get me wrong, I am excited for all pregnant people. It's my duty to keep whatever emotional roller coaster I'm on to myself. However, when the person you've turned to for help in this situation fails to leave out the pregnant detail, it's like getting shot in the face. You can't figure out where your nose is or if you'll ever be able to breath.

I thought mission #babyrass2013 would be difficult, but I didn't expect it to be this bad. It has turned me into AN ANGRY person. My sense of humor is gone, which I never thought was a possibility. I am walking around filled with hate. If I could walk away from myself for say...oh 23 hours a day...I would. Unfortunately, I'm trapped with myself.

I fake it pretty well at work, but that's because I have to. Bills don't pay themselves and I'm not ready to work a corner just yet.

Best comment from my beloved mother, "You're going into debt because you want to. I went into debt because I had do." Funny, I never wanted to be an infertile asshole (I'm calling myself an asshole. Not her. I'd never do that. I LOVE my mama). She didn't mean it that way and I am in no way angry with her, as her comment is taken a bit out of context in this post. I just wanted to give you a glimpse into my annoying mind. It's just 360 degrees of hate and anger right now.

I took a big risk for this cycle and I'm not feeling optimistic---at.all.