Getting Myself Together

"Let Me Tell You Something!"

Monday, January 30, 2006

I'm Slipping Update

It's day 18 of my 30 day plan. I forgot to take pictures on day on because I just forgot.

Exercise:To be honest, the exercise portion of the plan hasn't really come into fruition as well as I wanted it to. For some reason, I can go to the gym everyday. But when I am in a small town and there is no Bally's, I don't want to exercise at all. I have the Taebo DVD and take it with me on every trip, but I usually only do it once. Now, the last hotel did have an elliptical machine and treadmills that I use. That was good, because I did get a chance to do some cardiovascular exercise.

Food Habits: I have done a much better job on my food intake. I am getting more and more fruits and vegetables and liking it. I have also cut back the red meat. On the other hand, I have been to Taco Bell twice, Burger King once, and Papa John's once. But that is in 18 days. Otherwise, I have eaten at home or bought low fat, low calorie, low sodium prepackaged foods.

Results:My waist is down to 31.5 inches from 32.5

My behind is down to 38 inches from 39. Although, I DIDN'T want that result.

My stomach is down to 31 inches from 33.

My chest is now at 37 inches.

I have to take measurements because for the life of me, I cannot SEE the results of the last 8 months of exercise.

The good news is that I will be in Norfolk, VA on my next trip and there is a Bally's in Virginia Beach. So I will make it a plan to go everyday while I am there. Wish me luck.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Since He Reminded Me..

Since Mashaun reminded me that I hadn't posted about VP in a while, I figured that I might as well do so.

The update: There has been nothing going on with me and VP. In the last 2 weeks, we have had 3 conversations. Each lasted no more than 3 minutes. In a previous post titled Devaluation, I said that I was going to take him down a notch on my priority list. He doesn't really seem that interested in pursuing anything other than what we have, which I don't think is much. We barely talk as it is, and I haven't seen him in probably a month. He still occupies a portion of my thoughts, but I wish that he didn't. I still wish that he would just straighten up and act right, but I get the sense that he won't.

There is something about this man that makes me want him. Honestly, there are a two things that really attract me to him. One of those things is that he is the first man that I have dated in a while that is a stereotypical "man." He has no feminine characteristics like the other guys that I have dated. He also just has a confident aire about himself that I am attracted to. As I have stated before, I am not attracted to wishy-washy or passive men.

But with these two things, come some issues. With him being a sterotypical man, he doesn't like to talk about anything concerning emotions or feelings. In the 3 months that we have "dated," he has only opened up and done so once. He reminds me of my father when it comes to talking. The other issue is that confidence of his. He know that no matter what he does, I am gonna be there waiting on him for whatever he needs. For some reason, I want him to feel like he needs me.

I know that a lot of people are going to wonder why I don't just drop him and let it go. If you don't understand why, think about that person that you felt the most passion for. Think about that person that you know that you want(ed) to be a part of your life. Think about the one that YOU hold onto in your heart. And honestly, since I don't plan on dating anyone else if he and I don't work out, why dump him?

But one thing that I can say about this situation is that I have not allowed myself to fall in love or to even love this man. Not one bit. Of all of the promises that I have made to myself, this is the one that I HAVE kept. I will not fall in love or love anyone until I can feel that they feel that way about me. And they can't just say it, they have to show it.

The song that sums up my mood today is "Living in Confusion" by Phyllis Hyman.

Friday, January 27, 2006

The Funniest Skit

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Spending Spree

In the last year and a half, I have been in one of the most horrible financial situations of my life. It started in January of 2004. I had a pretty good and what I thought was stable job. I had started putting $500 a month into a savings account for rainy days. By March, I was able to put a down payment on a nice car and still had money left. But then on July11th of 04, shit took a drastic change. I got laid off becuase the project that we were on slowed down. No severence pay, no nothing. I got my vacation pay which was only about $1000. When I looked at my savings account, I had about $4000 with my vacation pay added. So, for two months, I would be ok. I didn't want to sit and collect unemployment so I immediately started looking for a job, but couldn't find one immediately. So, I took a job at a temp firm making $10 an hour. This was good, but not enough money cause I only worked 30 per week. By the end of August, my $4000 was almost gone.

I thought, "where the hell did all of my money go?" I added up all of my bills and realized that my monthly expenses added up to about $1800. The problem was then I hadn't included things like gas, food, clubbing, household items, car maintenance, and random things. I had never realized how much money I was spending. And even when I did, I didn't stop spending on frivolous things. So, I used my good credit rating to take out a personal loan for about $6000 so that I coud keep my bills paid. Even though I borrowed money to live on, I still didn't stop spending like a damn fool.

Well in October of 04, I finally found a permanent job. The only bad part was the we only got paid for the days that we worked. Example, if we worked 8 days of the 14 days pay period, we got 8 x "daily rate" (no I am not gonna tell you how much). The first month was good because I had 2 pay periods with 10 days. But then their were issues with the software that we were installing and they put us on hold. I worked a total of 8 days in the month of December, 8 days in the month of January 05, and about 15 days in the month of February. So you know that I was still operating at a deficit. And let me also remind you that in late December of 04, I moved to Chicago, thereby doubling my housing expenses. What the hell was I thinking?

Well things started to pick up in March and we were working like crazy for the next few months were I was getting about 8 days per pay period. And I had also filed my income taxes and had a little change in the bank. But what did I do. Spent more money. I went on a trip to NYC to celebrate My Birthday and spent about $1300 in 2 days. Again, what the hell was I thinking? At the beginning of May, I decided that Chicago wasn't for me and I moved my ass back to Atlanta. Chicago was too expensive and too damn shady (the people at least).

The day after I moved back to Atlanta, a trip got cancelled. So that's 9 x "daily rate" that I was not gonna get. Mind you, I only had about $1000 the bank, so things were tight. But I was glad that I moved back "home." Well June and July were just ok months. I was getting about 6-8 days per pay period which was just enough to get by on. To be about to save money, I need about 9 days per period. Then, it happened. They put us on hold again in the middle o August for a month. I thought that I was gonna die! I knew that that meant that I was gonna miss 2 to 3 paychecks. I had to use every dime that I had to survive and at this point. I had never felt that feeling before. The first time that balanced my checkbook and was down to $2.37 I would feel like I was loosing my mind. But you know what, the bills kept coming in and I was still spending loosely. Needless to say, my credit rating suffered badly. I had to admit it to myself that I was living above my means. And this has been my situation up until now.

It took me all of this time to realize that it's not all about the money that's coming in, but also about what's going out. It took me until 3 weeks ago to realize that I SPEND TOO MUCH DAMN MONEY! At that point, I stopped spending. No more CDs, DVD, Magazines, Clothes, clubbing, Target shopping sprees, name brand this and that, eating out, alcohol, being generous to friends and dates, dry cleaning, car washes. NO MORE FRIVOLOUS SPENDING!!!! And you know what? It worked. I stopped all the spending and now I have money left over when I finish paying bills. It's that simple. I got paid Friday and paid all of my bills, I had $600 left over when I finished. Now I did go to the casino and blow $150, but bad habits are hard to break and I am working on that one. But, I did manage to have money left over. And the way that I have calculated it, out of my next 2 paychecks, I should be able to save about $1000.

Imagine, if I saved $500 per paycheck. By the end of the year, I would be able to pay off both my credit cards and that personal loan that I took out. That would save me about $500 a month alone. Then in another year, I can have my car paid off.

So that is my plan. To stop spending money on things that I don't need. I thought that it would be hard, but it isn't. I went out last weekend 3 nights in a row and didn't spend a dime (Beatmug paid for me to get in the clubs). But next time, I am not even going, it's a house party or nothing. I haven't been to Target. I subscribed to magazines instead of buying them off of the shelf. I listen to the radio instead of CDs. I watch the cable that I pay for instead of buying DVDs. I wash my own car. And last, but certainly not least, I do not eat out unless I am traveling (or someone else is buying). And even then I go to the grocery store and buy food.

So all in all, I have learned my lesson. You have to spend less than you take in. Try it and see what happens.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Blogging

A year ago I had never heard of a blog, but now I don't think that I can live without them. I have been reading since the end of January of 2005. And honestly, I have no idea how I got started. But I do remember the first one that I read. It was Rod 2.0:beta. I started reading his and realized that I could link to others and I have been on a role every since then. Believe it or not, I read or check about 36 blogs per day.

I started my blog on July 15, 2005 after months of just reading and commenting anonomously. I actually got an screen name in June just so that I could comment and leave my mark. After about a month, I decided that "if they can do it, hell, I can too." And with that, I embarked on a mission to set up and start my blog. At first it was hard because I had not idea what I was doing. It took me 2 weeks to learn how to post a dang picture. But in the last few months, I have gotten better. Although, I still am not the master of blogging with the pictures and podcast, and all that high tech stuff.

I now count blogging as one of the best experiences of my life? It has allowed me to say what I want and divulge information that I otherwise wouldn't divulge with people. I love that fact that people all over the globe can read about my life, as uninteresting as it may be to me. I have also had a chance to meet a few bloggers in person to put a real persona to the written word. I can do and say what I want without no interruptions. I can put an idea on pause and come back to it later. Yes, blogging has been wonderful. And I plan to continue it for as long as it's available.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

It's That Time Of Year

A few years ago, I realized that I don’t celebrate holidays the way that most people do. They are just days like any other. But to me, my birthday is special, if only TO me. And on March 4th of the year of 2006 I will be turning 28 years of age. There were a few times when I thought that I wouldn’t make it to the day that I celebrate now. So, a few years ago, I decided to start truly celebrating my birthday each year.

In 2004, I decided that I wanted a car. I HAD good credit back then, so it was entirely possible to get one with a reasonable interest rate. I had narrowed down my requirements and they were, 2000 model year or above, 50,000 miles or less, $25,000 or less and BLUE. The car could be either a Jaguar S-Type, Lincoln LS, Acura RL, or what I had then, a Nissan Maxima. After searching and considering for a few weeks, I decided to get another Maxima because I had already had 2 others and an Altima in the past. So, I bought a 2001 Nissan Maxima GLE and i still love it. Although birthday 2007 will welcome that Jag or maybe a house into my life.In 2005 I decided to take a trip somewhere. I was talking to one of my friends about somewhere to go and he brought up New York City. I had been a few times, but it was always on business and I was always by myself. This time, I wanted to go with a few friends. So I called a few people that I hadn't seen in a while and told them that I was going. By the time the trip occured, 12 people were on board to go. It was sort of a college reunion since most of us went to college together. We did the typical NYC things like shopping and eating and clubbing and I had a really good time in NYC. And no, I didn't get those "I want to live here" feelings. Especially since I got attacked by rats and drinks were $13 dollars at Krash!

So this year, I was trying to think of something else to do or go for my birthday. While thinking, I had an "AHA" moment (thanks Oprah). Why not go back to NYC????????????????? I had such a good time last year that I want to go back. And that's what I am gonna do. So I called a few of the people that went last year and they all want to go. Apparently, they all want to make it a yearly thing that we all take a trip together. Come to think of it, that is how Memorial Day Weekend became so big in Puerto Rico. Some friends started going annually and inviting more and more people each year. We may be starting something here.So, on March 3rd, I will be landing at Newark Liberty International Airport for my 3 days in NYC. As of now, we have reservations at theRamada Plaza New Yorker Hotel. Anybody got any info on it? Also, all of my friends are staying for Friday and Saturday nights. I have to be different and stay Friday-Sunday nights. So if any of you NYC, NJ, or CT bloggers want to take me out on Sunday, let a brotha know what’s up.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I've Been Found

I knew that it would happen sooner or later. Someone in my life has found my blog!

Here's the story: I am on the phone with Chicago last night and he told me that he ran across my blog. Apparently he was reading the blog of The Captain, with whom he is friends. I had left a comment on The Captain's blog about the story that he wrote. When he told me that he had come upon it, I got nervous like a muthafucka. I really don't know why because there is nothing bad about him or anyone on it. But I just don't like the idea of someone that I use to date reading what I write.

But I want to know how you all feel about letting those close to you or those whom you have written about read you blog. Feel free to comment.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I'm Slipping

I got a confession to make. I have been slipping on my workout plan. I have my reasons, but I don't have excuses.

Reason #1. I have been working like a fool. Last month, I was gone for 25 of 31 days. When I am away from home, the last thing that I want to do is exercise. But still that is not an excuse.

Reason #2. I just haven't been motivated to do anything. The days that I have been home and available to go to the gym, I have been to tired to actually go.

Reason #3. After 4 months of exercise, I had lost only 20 lbs. After that, my weight stabilized, I want to get down to #170 lbs from the 185lbs I am right now. I got a little frustrated and lost interest in working out.

But, since I am planning to go to Puerto Rico in May, I have to get this body together. I am not taking my shirt off or wearing a speedo on the beach unless this body is tight. Guys tell me all of the time that I am sexy, but I don't see it. Until this stomach is all the way gone, I won't consider this body to be sexy. Now don't get me wrong, I love my body, but I want it to look better.

So, tomorrow I start my 30 day challenge. I want to lose these last 10 pounds around my abdomen and see more definition in my arms and legs. To do this, I have come up with a plan.

1. Tae-bo 3 times a week. I will do the full workout whether I am at home or traveling.

2. 100 crunches a day. Split into 50 in the morning and 50 before bed. And 50 push ups split into the same intervals as the crunches. (Why are sit-ups so hard to do?)

3. Be at the gym on the days that I am home, and the days that I am not home to do Tae-bo.

4. Cut out the sugar and sodium. I realized that although I have been eating more fruits an veggies, I still take in a hell of a lot of sugar and sodium. I will resolve to cook more for myself so that I can control the sugar and sodium that I take in.

5. Take pictures of myself on day 1, day 15 and day 30. I need to be able to see my results happening.

I am hoping that this plan will yield the desired results. Even if the results are not what I imagine, I am gonna keep going until I get what I want.

And to anyone who thinks or says anything about me being a skinny (insert word here), keep any spiteful comments to your damn self!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Devaluation

It's been a while since I have given the blog family an update on the situation between VP and me. To tell you the truth, nothing much has really happened other than what I reported in my So Much Shit post a short time ago. Well one thing did happen. I'll explain.

One day he called and my first words were "where have you been the last 2 days that you couldn't call me?" That led to a 30 second argument and he hung up on me and left me not bitter, but mad as hell. But then I thought about what I had said and how it could have been taken and I felt pretty stupid for it. It's not always what you say, but sometimes how you say it. So I called and apologized to his voice mail. I didn't think that he would call me back for a few days, but he called me back 10 minutes later. In that conversation, he explained to me how his last few days had gone and that he was busy as hell (which I already knew). He told me that just because he doesn't call me doesn't mean that he isn't thinking about me or that he doesn't care. This man is definitely teaching me patience.

But there is one thing that led to the title of this post. I have found myself thinking and daydreaming about what life would be like with VP as my partner/husband/lover or whatever is the accepted term these days. I have planned out where we will live, if I will work or be a stay- at-home-parent, what kind of vehicle I would drive (not minivans), what the house will look like. I imagine cooking dinner for him and the kids. I imagine having his mom come to spend a few days with us and see us a a couple. I imagine us taking vacations together (and with the kids). I imagine my entire life with this man., even what we will look like when we get up in age. Oh, what a happy life it will be.

But then I realized something. It's only been 2.5 months that we have been dating. I have been putting too much of my thoughts into something that isn't on any kind of foundation. I think that I have been putting too much value into this situation. I don't consider this situation to be a relationship yet because we haven't even discussed that yet. So at this point, I have decided to devalue the situation until I can see that he actually wants what I want. I am not going to spend my days thinking about him and the possibilities until he is doing the same about me. At this point, I should not be thinking about the future, but instead taking it day-by-day. From now on, that will be what I will do.

While thinking about this, I kinda thought that I was going backwards. But the more, I thought about it, i'm going forward. Like I have said before, I am going into this situation with a different midset and a different modus operandi. A devaluation of the situation with VP will allow me to focus more on enjoying the times that I spend with him instead of examining every situation. It will allow me to see things for what they are instead of what I want to see. It will allow me to force him to gain my trust instead of me giving it to him. It will also allow me to use my mind for other things (like finding another job that doesn't require travel).

So, that's my update on that. As I said, nothing much has happen, but I do hope that more is to come.

But I do want to tell you, maybe tomorrow, about a conversation that VP and I had. Stay tuned.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Busted Can of Biscuits

I know that I ain't the only one that looks, so you all have to admit it. Have you ever noticed how some men always seem to sit with their legs gapped wide open to show you their package? My boys and I call this a busted can of biscuits because that's what it looks like sometimes. Here is an example: