That's No Lady, That's Mrs Fred Goodwin!

London - Once she was the toast of the town, chatelaine of a sprawling country seat, ermine knickers, monogrammed stationery, bank accounts at C*untts & Co (now sadly bankrupted by her ex), a box at Royal Ascot and above all the title of Lady Goodwin.

This weekend her former spouse's relegation to 'also ran' now sees Lady Joyce become plain old Mrs Goodwin once again.

Months have passed since the ex-banker's wife dumped her philandering old tosspot for desecrating the matrimonial bed with some sordid RBS floozy from the bank's Back Orifice.

Pictures in today's Sunday Smearer show a homely, chubby-cheeked lady with flick-up hair smiling steadily alongside her husband in happier times before The Fall.

"Joyce has now moved on and cut off all ties," our-man-with-the-pinking-shears commented today.

Protocol dictates that she may still use the 'Lady' moniker despite divorce severing all legal links.

But that might prove a tad too embarrassing given the heaps of garbage being poured over her ex for keeping that stupendous $500,000 per annum pension.

She may yet remarry, of course, and become a plain old boring and anonymous Mrs.

Fred Goodwin's proctologist is 69.

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