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Monday, July 2, 2012

A little V8....

Ok, so you guys get a two-fer today, my weekend was just that exciting.

Lucky lucky you.

Not that kind of V8... But Jackie would have been helpful.

So here's a little problem: I went out to go get hay on Sunday. I was nearly out of hay (fed the core of my last round bale this morning, as a matter of fact), so a quick trip for two more freshly baled round bales was in order.
Side note: is there any better scent than fresh hay?

How do I not know anyone who drives a truck? Or a tractor?

I had a plan. After all, last time I got round bales, we got them off the truck and into the barn, no problem! Using... my mom's truck. Oh crap.

Well, how does one unload 1600 pounds of hay?Easy, toss it, stack it, rinse and repeat.
Ok, smarty, how does one unload two 800 pound round bales?Roll them!
That's like trying to roll a flat tractor tire. Try again.Back up really fast and slam on the breaks?
Tried it. All I accomplished as to scare my poodles. Tempi got mad and told me to stop driving like a dipshit.

Enter Farm McGyver.

I pretty much ruled out using a paperclip. After all, if I can bend and break a paper clip, how's it going to help me move a round bale? Useless....
Then a plan was hatched. I have a rope, a tree and a truck. Genius!
Step 1: Tie a rope to a tree. Be careful that you tie it in such a way that when pulling on it with a truck the knot will not tighten into an untangleable mess. You have to be able to get BOTH hay bales off...

Rope. Tree. Check.

Step 2: Wrap rope around hay bale, secure to hitch on truck so that as you pull forward the rope pushes the bale off of the truck bed but doesn't pull the hay bale into the giant ditch by the tree. You do not want to have to push a hay bale out of a ditch.

Rope around bale. Check. Secure to hitch... Check.

Step 3: Slowly pull forward, listening for the sound of snapping rope, breaking wood or any other sound that your plan has failed. Do a happy dance when the bale thuds off of the bed of the truck onto mostly flat ground.

One bale down. One to go.

Step 4: Don't let the geldings mock you for your happy dance. It's not like they offered to help!

Uh London, wardrobe malfunction!

Step 5: Wrap rope around bale, once again securing the lose ends to the hitch. Pull bale until it lines up with the barn door.

Step 6: Repeat steps 1 through 5 on the second bale, congratulating yourself the whole time for being so clever. You deserve it.

Step 7: Get those hay bales out of the elements. It's supposed to rain tomorrow! You know that you cant just push them. Even the She-Hulk is bested by round bales. I need something with a little more power.

MWAHAHAhahahahaha!

Oh, that's right. Push those bales with the truck. Put that V8 to work! Epic win goes to me!