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I jsut discovered that, after all these years, I am not actually blind, but my sunglasses have been blackened out since the day I was born.

After confronting my parents, my mother admitted that, as a baby they heard my crying and Dad said, "Hey, that boy has talent, but he's too homely to ever make it without a gimmick." So Dad blackened out a pair of sunglasses and ducttaped them to my poor widdow head.

But what am I to do, Diary? If I tell the world my dread secret, I will be tarred and feathered and may have refund all the people who have bought my records.

I am counting on you diary, to keep our little secret. It must never get out. Do you understand? Do you? You see this match? That's better. Good diary...