His Eminence Archbishop Timothy Dolan has been summoned to Rome. And not like you can tell the Holy Father: “It’s Opening Day of the Yankees. How about we maybe do this next week instead?” Question is, why the quickie summons to Rome? Is he maybe getting a red hat? Is it an all-points enclave on the aggravation that won’t go away — pedophile priests?

Whatever, I know for a fact that for Timothy Dolan to send word he has to miss his beloved front-row seats, Yankee jacket and cap and good glass of beer Opening Day, was a real wrench.

DAVID Duchovny‘s out in a new film which opens Friday. It’s called “The Joneses.” His wife is played by Demi Moore, their kids by Amber Heard and Ben Hollingsworth. He was on the set of his TV show and only had a few minutes and sort of hurriedly explained the plot. I, sort of in a muddled way, got the plot. And now I must try to sort of explain it to you while he’s already away sort of seducing someone on “Californication.”

“It’s about a hypothetical family put there to inspire conspicuous consumption,” he said. “They’re planted in the community to sell their lifestyle. They’re not really a family. Their bodies and homes are full of product placement — sneakers, jewelry, electronics, clothing, cosmetics.

“It’s basically an idea that I had,” he said. “These are like moles. Stealth moles. Like a cell. It’s a satire. We’re not talking science-fiction here. It’s a comedy.”

And at the end? It falls apart?

“Well, by then it satisfies a few different experiences.”

A disembodied voice came on saying David only had a minute more to chat with me.

He talked about his wife, Tea Leoni. “We had a tough year and a half. We split up for a bit. We’ve been together 13 years. But we’re back. And living in New York. In New York, you don’t exist in a car. Your whole life isn’t planned. You can walk the streets. People smile or nod. You can see life. People don’t bother you.

“My mother lives here. It’s funny. Twenty years I’ve been in the business and, as I’m walking along, someone will say ‘Hi,’ and I’m polite so I give him a ‘Hi’ back, and my mother will say, ‘Where do you know him from?’

“Right now I’m in LA because I’m taping my show. But I love New York. My kids go to an Episcopal private school.”

The disembodied voice came on again with a crisp: “You have to go now, David.”

To which he then said to me: “Y’know, I always wanted to be a Knick. And I don’t think it’s too late.”

Plus they’ll screen the series “Treme,” which is set in New Orleans and debuted Sunday. And so they shouldn’t come empty-handed, an episode from their new Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, Gary Goetzman miniseries “The Pacific.”

That at least should neutralize Simon Cowell for a few minutes, right?

SO, listen, I’m hearing McDonald’s now has an Obama Special. Order whatever you want, and the person behind you pays for it.

ANYONE know Hugh Grant opted out of a nude scene in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” when a makeup artist suggested painting muscle tone on his body? . . . Anyone know that was civil rights lawyer Ron Kuby schlepping briskly along 23rd Street with a backpack? . . . Anyone know Marilyn Berger, widow of “60 Minutes” producer Don Hewitt, did a book, “This Is a Soul: The Mission of Rick Hodes.” It’s William Morrow. It’s about medical care in Ethiopia. Reception’s tonight in the Trustees Room of the New York Public Library . . . And now can we stop with loser Tiger Woods? We all know how this one-time former previous greatest in the world works a hole in one, knows how to use his putter and for sure can handle a hooker. But how is he now as a golfer? . . . Barbara Corcoran saw a dog-walker but without any poop bags. He said to her: “My dog wouldn’t dare ad-lib on Park Avenue.”

NEW Yorkers move fast even when helping one another.

Joe La Zizza saw this one. Post office on Lex. Man in wheelchair rolls to the heavy door as a woman, shouting into her cell, hurries by. He motions for her to open the door. She does. Then, lost in her call, she lets go too soon. The slammed chair barrels into the building as she rushes off, still shouting into her cell.