Update: Child Who Got Peed On in Plane Never Got Peed on

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The New York Post recently recounted the harrowing tale of an unsuspecting 11-year-old girl who, during a JetBlue flight from Portland to JFK, was peed on by a fellow airline passenger seven years her senior — which we promptly re-recounted. Now the girl’s father — whose only known comments on the matter at the time had been, according to a witness, “Fuck that kid! I don’t want him near my family!” — is offering a re-re-recount of the incident, claiming that his daughter was not, in fact, peed on. The Oregonian reports that, as per a statement released through the family’s lawyer, the drunken teenager had merely peed “on the floor next to her seat.”

The statement goes on to offer a clearer picture of theincident:

Vietze apparently drank “five to six beers and two rum and cokes” before even getting to Portland International, and the alcohol didn’t hit him until the plane was in the air. Another fun fact: He’s a competitive downhill skier training for the 2014 Winter Games in Russia, so get ready for a lot of yellow-snow jokes three years fromnow.