Tag Archives: Confidence

Have you ever observed people or yourself feeling taunted by social norms?

I’ve noticed the history of this for myself, spanning back to childhood, and I’ve noticed it time and time again for others I encounter in my work, where people have fallen into the hole of comparing themselves to others and comparing themselves to socially accepted norms and measures of ‘success’. Granted, it’s a pretty darn big hole, so actually, it’s not that hard to fall into! When I’ve witnessed this Comparison Conundrum as I like to call it, it’s like hearing a cry echoing from deep within the hole, which sounds a bit like this:

Everyone else is married now, and I’m not. Something’s wrong.

Everyone else is buying houses now, I guess I should too.

I’ve got this job but it’s not really a career like other people have.

They’ve found their passion, I still don’t know what mine is.

I’m falling behind.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

I want to ‘switch lanes’ in life but I don’t want to go backward. It’s too risky.

They are successful and did it that way; I should do it that way too.

They are thinner/more attractive/more fashionable/more successful/braver/stronger than me. I’m not enough. I’ll never be enough.

I’m not capable like them, I guess I’m just not destined to have a life like them.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This hole is so easy to fall into because often we’re invited into the hole, with our mind reinforcing that we’re falling behind via negative thoughts, supported by well-meaning people telling us that we should do this and that. So, of course, we’d then end up in the hole when everything points that way. Our mind reinforces what we see and hear, telling us it is true and if only we could figure out what we need to be and do in order to be like everyone else, then everything would be fine, right?

Except, you’re not everyone else. You’re you. No one is like you. No one. You make your own decisions about what you need and want, and when it feels good to you. If you want a house right now, buy one. If you don’t, don’t. If you want to travel, travel. If you want a big career, have it. If you want to do volunteer work, do it. If you want to be single, be single. If you want kids, have them. If you don’t, don’t. Do what feels good to you, not what others tell you that you should feel good about. And when I say others, I primarily include in that all the advertising, all the propaganda and all the mass media messaging we see day to day that conditions us in a way that we don’t even consciously realize. Start listening to the one thing you can trust – your soul. Your soul is your true self, below any rampant negative thoughts that are leading you astray.

To which I would suggest that you be still and quiet as often as possible. Listen without fear of what rises up from within you. You do know what you want and need. You do know what makes you feel good. And, let your signals guide you home.

Listening to the advice of others, proffered from their own paradigm, will never triumph over your inner knowing and divine guidance.

Do you compare yourself to others?

Do you compare your situation and status to that of others?

What prompts you to do that?

How does that make you feel?

If you’re feeling sad, alone, disconnected, lacking, not enough or plain old exhausted from it, then give it up. Chose to let it go and be open to exploring who you are and what is important and meaningful to the real you – that is, you below any negative thoughts, and conditioning and any fear. We all have negative thoughts, we have all been conditioned and we all have fear. If you are alive, then you have experienced all of this, it is impossible not to. But now you are awake, and you have the choice to either be defined by these things or to break free.

Being someone you are not, in an attempt to live up to social norms, means that signals will eventually intervene to help you. As Marianne Williamson says, “The universe is self-organising and self-correcting”. If you are not aligned to who you really are, your true self, the natural order of the world in which we live will eventually assist you to see this. Intervening signals are not always pleasant, but they are signposts to help us head in a new, better, healthier, more beneficial direction. When things in your life ‘turn to custard’, it could well be because you are not in your flow, you might have accidentally swum into someone else’s flow. So, get out of their river and get in your own

Here is my final word on this subject, and when I say it to you, know that whatever I write is really a message to myself as much as it is to you. For in saying it to you I am reminding us both:

NEVER compare yourself to others. EVER.

NEVER try to be someone else. EVER.

You were born extraordinary and unique.

Any time you compare yourself to others, trying to be something else or like someone else, you deny the beautiful individuality that you were gifted when your soul chose to come into this life.

Create your own norms in life. The norms of society have no bearing on you unless you choose them. At all times, be yourself. There is nothing more magical, perfect and beautiful than you being you.

We have all been there – in a tough situation that leaves you questioning everything and feeling empty.

Know that you are not alone.

Know that you have the strength and courage to get through this one day at a time. Keep your thoughts positive and your heart open. Be present and grow through this difficult experience.

How To Get Up When You’ve Been Knocked Down

Give yourself time to grieve: This is an important first step. Allow yourself time to feel all the mixed real emotions. Anger, sadness, confusion, disappointment, you might be feeling all these at once or going through a rollercoaster of emotions daily. That’s ok! If you need a personal day to yourself: take it! If you want to watch Netflix and eat ice cream one night: do it! It’s all part of healing. Be in tune with what your body needs and if you need a break, take it. Some distraction is helpful to allow yourself time to relax and de-stress.

Keep yourself open: Don’t curl up into a ball and hide, instead reach out to a close friend or family member and lean on him or her. They will help you make positive choices and will help you get back on your feet. They can mentor you on how to handle the next steps and encourage you to stay positive during this difficult time. Keep yourself open and vulnerable – don’t let this one setback affect your whole heart.

Take some time to cool off and reflect: You have been knocked down and it feels personal. Take some time before you respond or react. Acting out of passion and anger might seem like a good idea at the moment, but will only hurt you more in the long run. If you keep dwelling on this setback, it will only haunt you. Take a walk, put on some music, work on something that makes you happy, and allow yourself to take a mental break.

Setbacks can be a blessing: If you reflect and learn from your mistakes they can only make you stronger. Take responsibility and grow through the failure. Keep a journal and write down how you are feeling and what you are learning.“When we tackle obstacles, we find hidden reserves of courage and resilience we did not know we had. And it is only when we are faced with failure do we realize that these resources were always there within us. We only need to find them and move on with our lives.” -A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

Moving on and letting go are both necessary in healing: Think about it – you need to let go in order to move on and you can’t move on without really letting go. It takes time and self-reflection to bounce back. Allow yourself that time. This setback may not be resolved overnight and, depending on the situation, it may never fully go away. Unfortunately, you might not get the closure you need or deserve, but by understanding the situation and rising above it, you can find peace. You will heal and in time the emotions will settle and you will move on. Maybe you’ll look back and realize what happened was the best thing for you.

We are familiar with the two agents to success. Which are fear and doubt. It is first of all the fear of failure, poverty, loss, embarrassment, or rejection that holds most people back from trying in the first place.

I remember back in 2013, I was blogging for an entertainment blogger. That period was my first experience in the blogging path. I was learning at the same time trying to venture into mine. After a year blogging for someone else, I decided to start my own and create my own path. First of all I was really motivated in starting my own entertainment blog which I did. But at some point I was scared and decided to fall back a bit. Fear of the unknown came knocking at my door, dropping some doubt about me starting my blog. How I was going to make it famous, how will I get my readers from, there are too many entertainment blogs out there, how are you sure you gonna make it. Different thoughts came to my mind. At some point I decided to go back and work for the person I was blogging for. In all I overcame and my path to blogging from then till now started.

You know because of fear of failure and rejection, an average number of times that people try to achieve a new goal is less than one. As soon as they think of the goal, these fears overwhelm them and, like a bucket of water on a small fire, extinguish their desire completely.

The second mental obstacle, closely aligned to fear, is self doubt. We doubt our own abilities. We compare ourselves unfavourably to others and think that others are some how better, smarter, and more competent than we are. We think, “I’m not good enough.” We feel inadequate and inferior to the challenges of achieving the great goals that we so much want to accomplish.

Fortunately, if there is anything good about doubt and fear it’s that they are both learned emotions. Have you ever seen a nagative baby before? Children come into the world with no doubts or fears at all. And whatever has been learned can be unlearned through practice and repetition.

The primary antidotes to doubt and fear are courage and confidence. The higher your level of courage and confidence, the lower will be your levels of fear and doubt and the less effect these negative emotions will have on your perfomance and behaviour.

I leave you with this:

Isaiah 43:1 “Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.” God actually commands us not to fear, orworry. The phrase “fear not” is used at least 80 times in the Bible, most likely because He knows the enemy uses fear to decrease our hope and limit our victories.

Have you ever observed people or yourself feeling taunted by social norms?

I’ve noticed the history of this for myself, spanning back to childhood, and I’ve noticed it time and time again for others I encounter in my work, where people have fallen into the hole of comparing themselves to others and comparing themselves to socially accepted norms and measures of ‘success’. Granted, it’s a pretty darn big hole, so actually it’s not that hard to fall into! When I’ve witnessed this Comparison Conundrum as I like to call it, it’s like hearing a cry echoing from deep within the hole, which sounds a bit like this:

Everyone else is married now, and I’m not. Something’s wrong.

Everyone else is buying houses now, I guess I should too.

I’ve got this job but it’s not really a career like other people have.

They’ve found their passion, I still don’t know what mine is.

I’m falling behind.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

I want to ‘switch lanes’ in life but I don’t want to go backwards. It’s too risky.

They are successful and did it that way; I should do it that way too.

They are thinner/more attractive/more fashionable/more successful/braver/stronger than me. I’m not enough. I’ll never be enough.

I’m not capable like them, I guess I’m just not destined to have a life like them.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This hole is so easy to fall into because often we’re invited into the hole, with our mind reinforcing that we’re falling behind via negative thoughts, supported by well meaning people telling us that we should do this and that. So of course we’d then end up in the hole when everything points that way. Our mind reinforces what we see and hear, telling us it is true and if only we could figure out what we need to be and do in order to be like everyone else, then everything would be fine, right?

Except, you’re not everyone else. You’re you. No one is like you. No one. You make your own decisions about what you need and want, and when it feels good to you. If you want a house right now, buy one. If you don’t, don’t. If you want to travel, travel. If you want a big career, have it. If you want to do volunteer work, do it. If you want to be single, be single. If you want kids, have them. If you don’t, don’t. Do what feels good to you, not what others tell you that you should feel good about. And when I say others, I primarily include in that all the advertising, all the propaganda and all the mass media messaging we see day to day that conditions us in a way that we don’t even consciously realise. Start listening to the one thing you can trust – your soul. Your soul is your true self, below any rampant negative thoughts that are leading you astray.

To which I would suggest that you be still and quiet as often as possible. Listen without fear to what rises up from within you. You do know what you want and need. You do know what makes you feel good. And, let your signals guide you home.

Listening to the advice of others, proffered from their own paradigm, will never triumph over your inner knowing and divine guidance.

Do you compare yourself to others?

Do you compare your situation and status to that of others?

What prompts you to do that?

How does that make you feel?

If you’re feeling sad, alone, disconnected, lacking, not enough or plain old exhausted from it, then give it up. Chose to let it go and be open to exploring who you are and what is important and meaningful to the real you – that is, the you below any negative thoughts, any conditioning and any fear. We all have negative thoughts, we have all been conditioned and we all have fear. If you are alive, then you have experienced all of this, it is impossible not to. But now you are awake, and you have the choice to either be defined by these things, or to break free.

Being someone you are not, in an attempt to live up to social norms, means that signals will eventually intervene to help you. As Marianne Williamson says, “The universe is self organising and self correcting”. If you are not aligned to who you really are, your true self, the natural order of the world in which we live will eventually assist you to see this. Intervening signals are not always pleasant, but they are signposts to help us head in a new, better, healthier, more beneficial direction. When things in your life ‘turn to custard’, it could well be because you are not in your flow, you might have accidentally swam into someone else’s flow. So, get out of their river and get in your own

Here is my final word on this subject, and when I say it to you, know that whatever I write is really a message to myself as much as it is to you. For in saying it to you I am reminding us both:

NEVER compare yourself to others. EVER.

NEVER try to be someone else. EVER.

You were born extraordinary and unique.

Any time you compare yourself to others, trying to be something else or like someone else, you deny the beautiful individuality that you were gifted when your soul chose to come into this life.

Create your own norms in life. The norms of society have no bearing on you unless you choose them. At all times, be yourself. There is nothing more magical, perfect and beautiful than you being you.

Here are 3 common ways you might be comparing yourself to others which leave you feeling “less than”. Bringing awareness to this helps you to catch it when it happens so you can interrupt the cycle, to stop comparing yourself and start feeling confident instead!

As human beings we crave acceptance and approval – to feel a sense of belonging and security.

It makes sense if you think about our primitive nature and history – the need to be in tribes/communities together, for safety and survival.

That seems to drive so many of us in modern life to go seeking approval and acceptance from others – be it our families, our friends, our work colleagues and employers.

Heck… we even go on social media and seek “likes” from complete strangers in order to get that sense of acceptance.

But here are the cold hard facts about living for the acceptance, approval or praise of others…

Yes, it feels good (we all like it!)

But, you can’t guarantee you’ll always get it.

And as long as you’re attached to the acceptance, approval and praise of others, you’re alsoequally attachedto their judgment, criticism and rejection.

The powerful truth that I’ve personally learned over the years is this…

When people say nice things about me, that’s lovely and it’s just what they’re thinking and feeling in that moment. It has nothing to do with me. It’s none of my business. 💙

When people say unkind things about me, that’s unpleasant and it’s just what they’re thinking and feeling in that moment. It has nothing to do with me. It’s none of my business. 💙

If you live by the praise of others, you die by their criticism.

Everyone is simply projecting their inner experience into the outer world – be that positive or negative, be that praise or criticism. To live your life at peace and empowered here are 2 TIPS…

Don’t take things personally – even when it’s nice things (acknowledge the love the other person is expressing, and witness it with appreciation, but don’t attach to it like an umbilical cord!). 😃

Don’t go looking for people to validate, approve, accept or praise you – GIVE IT TO YOURSELF. The only person’s opinion who truly matters is yours. From your own approval, the world is your oyster and you can enjoy the good and detach the bad, forever free to simply be.

An eternal struggle that kept a soul in the darkness for so long. A young heart was just aching for a little bit of freedom. Nobody was able to understand it, so they limited themselves to call that young heart “egoistical”. Was really so bad just for trying to get a little bit of happiness? No. The young spirit just wanted to feel a tiny bit of happiness after a long life in the shadows. Was it too much to ask for? It wasn´t.

Against everybody else´s wishes, the young heart was more than determined to fight for the happiness deserved.

It wasn´t an easy task. How could be easy forget long years filled with self-loathing? But even when it was hard work, it had to be done. Rebuilding something, always takes some time, but the wait it´s worth it.

Those awful feelings didn´t disappeared magically, but slowly began to be smaller and smaller. Maybe not everything was perfect yet, but a new door was opening in front of the young heart. There was a beautiful chance for a fresh start, away from the shadows of self-loathing and pain. The only thing that was needed was a little bit of confidence and faith in the future.