Sofia Vergara’s Embryos Are Suing Her Now, Goddammit, Nick Loeb

Just to bring everyone up to speed, at some point during their relationship, Sofia Vergara and her ex-fiance Nick Loeb had embryos frozen that would later be used for in vitro fertilization. However, that could only be done with the mutual consent of both parties. Which is exactly where this argument should’ve ended when they broke up, but in a creepy ass move, Nick Loeb began filing lawsuits last year that would allow him to put the embryos in another woman because he had to have these specific eggs. Except he didn’t get very far because, again, nothing can happen without mutual consent. Which is why Sofia Vergara wasn’t making moves to destroy them, but was simply exercising her legal right to just let them sit there. End of story.

Or so you’d think.

Because the air is especially right for dumb in America – and always is in the South – Nick Loeb has now arranged for the embryos themselves to sue Sofia in Louisiana, which is exactly how it sounds. Sofia Vergara is being sued by her frozen not-babies that also have names now. Yeah… Page Six reports:

The potentially landmark new case in Louisiana — a traditionally pro-life state that offers special legal protections for frozen embryos — also lists the embryos’ “trustee,’’ James Carbonnet, as a plaintiff, sources said.
The new lawsuit contends that Emma and Isabella, by not being born, have been deprived of an inheritance from a trust that has been created for them in Louisiana, according to sources.
It asks that the frozen embryos be given to Loeb so that they can live and receive the trust set up for them, which would fund, among other things, their health care and education, sources said.
The lawsuit also contends that a contract Vergara and Loeb previously signed at the ART Reproductive Center in Beverly Hills should be voided since it violated California code and Louisiana law, according to sources.

If all of this sounds ridiculous – and it should because I don’t care what the voice in your head that you delude yourself into believing is Jesus says, these cells are not people with supernatural rights that trump that of a living woman – here’s a fun fact: Our vice-president-elect is all for this kind of shit. In fact, should these embryos die, he’d make Sofia Vergara go to a fucking funeral for them if not try and put her in jail for freezing them to death. But I’m already saying way more than I originally planned for the ending of this post, and that’s this special message for Nick Loeb: