Can't/don't/won't write no mo. So make due with some of our fave toons of all time-- by Buzzcocks/Raymond Scott/Yukio Yung/My Bloody Valentine/Left Banke/Beatles/Chris Butler/Byrds/Cheap Trick/Sugarloaf/Mott/The Fall/Cat Stevie. So much for melody.

All proceeds from the illegal sale of this record go towards the purchase of Seagrams VO, More Menthol, Advil, Kaopectate, V8.

The Contact Risk Digital Audio System
offers the best possible sound reproduction--on a small, convenient sound-carrying biscuit.
The Contact Risk's superior performance is the result of laser-optical scanning combined with the wealth of wonders found in a chickadee's ass, and is independent of the technology used in making the original recording really sticky.
The recording technology is identified on the back cover by a three-letter code:
DDD Drugs used during session recording, mixing and/or editing, and mastering (transcription).
ADD Alcohol used during session recording; drugs used during subsequent mixing and/or editing and during mastering (transcription).
AAD Alcohol used during session recording and subsequent mixing and/or editing; drugs used during mastering (transcription).
In storing and handling the Contact Risk, you should apply the same care as with Republic National conventional records, you anal-retentive bastard.
No further cleaning will be necessary if the Contact Risk is always held responsible for the price of a cup of coffee and is replaced in its case directly after sex. Should the Contact Risk become soiled by fingerprints, dust, offal from the sacrifice of babies to our sweet lord Satan, or dirt, it can be wiped (always in a straight line, or great sweeping circles, or delicate, trembling L-shapes) with a clean and worry-free, soft, dry lump of bituminous coal. No solvent or abrasive language should ever be used on the Risk. Green magic marker optional.
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*WARNING: Copyright subsists in all recordings issued under this label, such as it is. Any unauthorized rental, broadcasting, public performance, copying or concealing in armpit in any manner whatsoever will constitute infringement of such copyright and will render the infringer liable to a smack in the puss. In case there is a perception institution in the relevant country entitled to grant licences for the use of recordings for public performance or broadcasting, such licences may be obtained from such institution, whatever that means. Like anyone reads this shit. Blow me. (For the United Kingdom: Phonographic Performance Ltd., Ganton House, 14-22 Ganton Street, London W1V 1LB)*.

AMG REVIEW: A grumpy note on the back cover of 1996's Really? reads "Can't/don't/won't write no mo, so make do with some of our fave toons of all time." The first part of the statement isn't entirely true, but most of this two-disc set does consist of covers ranging from a quartet of songs by longtime R. Stevie Moore fave Raymond Scott performed by Moore and the Reckless Penguins, a group formed by Irwin Chusid to perform Scott's music live, to a funky instrumental version of the Beatles' "Hey Bulldog" to an echoing, subterranean version of My Bloody Valentine's "Only Shallow." Of the original tracks, some are work tapes from the German CD-EP Objectivity, a transatlantic collaboration between Moore and British singer-songwriter Terry Burrows, aka Yukio Yung. One of the most interesting is "I Like My Life," which consists of Moore and Krystyna Olsiewicz double-tracking their vocals for a Burrows song, to the accompaniment of a small amount of leakage from their headphones and some random plunks and squeals from otherwise unrelated instruments. Other fascinating tracks include an early, more guitar-based version of the dreamy "Where We Are Right Now" with a more relaxed, looser lead vocal from Olsiewicz and a few found-sound interruptions and a simply gorgeous extended, largely instrumental version of one of Moore's loveliest songs, 1978's "Norway," which Burrows sang on the EP.