Monster Wednesday – Behemoth

When you hear the name Behemoth, you’re not going to picture anything smaller than a tree. That being said, one can only hope that such a creature exists and has a dick to match its name. This beast was first mentioned in Job 40:15-24 of the Bible. It has been likened to everything from an elephant or buffalo to a dinosaur. Regardless of what form it takes, it is gigantic and powerful.

This chaos monster is described rather poetically in the “good book” as having “strength in his loins, his force in the navel of his belly”. Sounds like a decent way to spend an evening. It is ruled by its primal nature, drinking up rivers and goring all who oppose him. In Jewish Rabbinic legend, this creature will fight the primal monsters of the land and sky, Leviathan and Ziz in an epic battle at the end of time. There’s more about interactions with the creator, but it’s only the big baddies we care about here.

The Behemoth is most powerful at summer solstice, and roars to basically tame every other beast that roams the wilds. Without it, animals become more ferocious and crazed, going on killing sprees of their own kind and humans. The only aspect that I would expect to tame anything for me would be a good lashing with its ‘tail’ that moves like a cedar, which if the scholars are correct on this one, actually means its penis. There’s no joke when it comes to massive dick. <3