Thursday, May 29, 2008

The size and heart rate were exactly where they should be, but after this morning's ultrasound, I spent a few minutes googling "8 weeks" and "miscarriage." Yes, the odds that everything will be okay are reasonably good, but last pregnancy, the chance that I'd develop preeclampsia was well under 1%. And, of course, the vast majority of babies whose mothers have preeclampsia turn out just fine. Once you've hit the negative lottery, a 95% (or whatever the actual number is) chance of a positive outcome doesn't really sound all that promising.

Kyrie, her girlfriend, Arianna, their little boy, Caden, Caden's enormous purple T-Rex, and I all crowded into the RE's office. "Even doctors are people too," announced Caden between bites of a windmill-shaped cookie. The RE ignored him, offered congratulations to the room at large, and, though no-one asked, told us the due date. It sounded eerily familiar, but still it took me a moment to realize why. It was exactly the same due date as last time.

Heartbeats are always a good thing. I am with you on the stats, they really don't mean boo when you've already won? the lottery on the dead baby ticket...The due date, I suppose everything surrounding this pg will have mixed meanings when compared to last time, the good and the bad, right? I hope this time when the date rolls around you are holding your live, healthy baby in your arms.

I hate to disagree with short people in possession of windmill-shaped cookies and T-Rexes, but I think humanity of doctors is debatable on the case-by-case basis. I know stunning specimens on both sides of the line.

Yay for the heartbeat. As for the odds, you know I am still not in any way sure of the outcome of this pregnancy, so I hear you, big time.

Tough break on the due dates. Has the potential to wreck all kinds of mindfucky havoc with you. I think if it was me, I might have started to drink heavily...

HBs are good, indeed. And the odds are always crazy making when it comes to things like this. No matter how positive, there's always a flip side you can grab on to. Once you've been on the lonely side of the risk ratios, it's hard not to always identify yourself with being the unlucky one.

Speaking of crazy-making odds, sorry about the due dates being the same. Yikes.

I am going to try to get pregnant around then end of the summer. I've had 4 miscarriages. I am so terrified of even being pregnant again. I hope you don't mind me asking . . . how did you get yourself emotionally ready again?

oy, the date. nasty, even though i know you generally have little attachment to dates and counting and all that stuff. i picture you finding it both eerie and curious, watching it all unfold with as much distance as you can muster...which is still never enough, alas...for any of us.

my EDD this time is my mother's bday. i would find this sweet, even though i have no hope in hell of making it to that date, except Finn's EDD was Dave's mom's bday...and so every time my mind skates across the coincidence, it shudders and rushes elsewhere.

Thrilled to hear about the heart beat! The due date thing is unusual, but do your best not to read too much into it. As others have said, I think this time things are bound to be different. Thinking and sending lots of good thoughts.

okay, I'm taking deep breaths for you. I don't really have any advice about the date. I have a due date that never happened and one actual kid's birthday in the same week. But I agree, thinking about odd is useless once you've been on the wrong end of them.

Having gone through mundane infertility stuff, I quickly got that whatever the odds for a population experiencing a particular outcome were, the actual result for the individuals equated to 100% or 0%. So, no, no odds are "safe" enough, and yet, we have no choice unless, I suppose, we want to opt out entirely (I mean of trying to have children, rather than of life, though the analogy could, I suppose, apply to any number of situations).

While I know it's just one of many hurdles that must be crossed, I'm glad that the 8 week HB is nice and strong.

Trust me when I tell you, I completely understand how you feel when it comes to being on the shitty side of statistics.

I know its hard, but my best piece of assvice is to just take it day by day, minute by minute. I did that in the beginning and it took the overwhelming weight of the "what ifs" off of my chest and made them into smaller, more digestible bits of worry. And little by little they shed away too and just return occasionally.