An elderly Italian Jewish man wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi.

“Rabbi, during World War 2, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spamoni, and I am alive today because of it.”

“Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable,” said the Rabbi.

“Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic and they never found her.”

“That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no need to feel guilty.”

“It’s worse Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with sexual favors, which she did, repeatedly.”

“You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favorable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt.”

“Thank you, Rabbi. That’s a great load off my mind. But I have one more question.”

Usually on Sunday, weather permitting, I cut my grass. As a courtesy I also cut the front lawns of my neighbor’s homes as well. It’s something I started doing a few years ago. These are small yards, and it’s really no trouble… Until it gets hot out… and naturally it’s usually hot out when the grass gets growing.

Of course the neighbor to the south is a renter. She never cuts her lawn herself, and it’s not a service offered in her lease either. About once every month and a half she’d hire a bunch of guys to cut her grass… poorly. This year I started doing her front and back yard as well. Partly because I’m a nice guy, but since she lives on a corner it stands out as an eyesore if I don’t.

In a way, it’s become a bit of a spectacle to see me stretching my extension cord across the neighborhood cutting all these lawns. I think it may have inspired others to get out there and make their lawns look neat and trim. I have to admit that in the 15 years I’ve lived in my house, I’ve never seen the yards on my street look quite so tidy.

New Logo

Just wanted to include a quick mention that I put up a new “logo” with the site’s new tagline, “Comics and Joke of the Day”. The “Once for the bulk…” text is actually built into the header image, so give me a week or two to come up with a new header.

Last of the Weekend Jokes

Just a reminder that next Saturday and Sunday there will be no new jokes posted. We’re going back to the Monday-Friday arrangement. The number of visits to the site actually went down since I started posting weekend jokes. Coincidence? Most likely. I don’t think people started avoiding this place because I posted more jokes, but they sure as hell didn’t flock to the site either.

Flush Twice proudly presents:

GET THE PLUNGER!

What is Flush Twice?

Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic in the sidebar that updates every Saturday. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.

Jokes are generously provided by visitors like yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail flush2x@gmail.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!

So what makes a joke funny? Well, it boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.

Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.