ObjectiveTo complete a Tubey's Kids Charity Recap for Episode One, Season Two of NBC's The Office, written by total bad-ass Mindy Kaling.

Education/ExperienceSerial, obsessive viewing of the show's two seasons -- aided recently by generous above-and-beyond gift from the LittleKidLovers of the first season on DVD. (Thanks! Hope you like it!) Long-term interest in Steve Carell's ongoing project of describing and depicting the failures and fractures of the modern American male. Most of the second season is still on my TiFaux. I have seen the episode "The Office Olympics" approximately 1,290 times. The last five seconds make me cry every time. Also the credits of every episode tend to make me cry, which means merely watching an episode after the credits are complete represents a Herculean labor for which I think I am due some amount of credit. My friends have a game they call "How Long Until Jacob Cries Like A Bitch." It was not invented specifically for The Office -- that dubious distinction goes to Buffy, The Vampire Slayer -- but only came back into vogue with the debut of the American Office. I am so not the guy for this. Please don't throw garbage at me.

SkillsNone to speak of, in terms of those which specifically apply to this objective. It's really long, but that's mostly because of formatting, quotes and stuff like that. There's a reason we don't recap sitcoms.

Practice Questions

Q: Is Jim/Pam the love that will last for all time and toward which all other television romances reach like flowers for the sun?
A: No. Jim and Pam are attractive and compelling characters played by gifted and physically beautiful actors; however, their purpose, and the purpose of their relationship, relates mainly to the fact that if you really thought about Michael Scott for too long you would probably kill yourself.

Q: What is the difference between yourself and Dwight K. Schrute?
A: None to speak of, in terms of how I'm feeling at this moment.

Q: Is Michael Scott a good boss? A good man? A good boyfriend? A good person?
A: Yes. No. No. Yes.

Q: How's this going to go?
A: I have no fucking clue.

Sample Interview

We're sitting in Michael Scott's office, which I think has changed color since last season, and he's talking about these "Dundies." Every word out of his mouth is a request for validation: that he's a good boss; that he's a good man. That he's a man. The Dundies, he explains, is the annual employee awards night "here at Dunder-Mifflin." He holds up for our inspection a businessman trophy, the kind you might see in the credits of this very show, right before the bathroom-man logo. It's "everybody's favorite day," he says, for reasons including that a lot of the people in the office don't get trophies very often. He names names: the redheaded drunk, Meredith; the fat guy in Accounting who's only a hair more adorable than he is creepy. Kevin: "I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?" There's a second where he revisits this statement, wondering if it's okay. Wondering if some chubby cameraman is going to take offense. Michael heads into crazy territory, off on a thing, on a slope heading toward zero, about how there are bonuses to the trophies: the ceremony is, quote, "really, really funny," not to mention the fact that jealousy might lead the untrophied acquaintances and neighbors of those awarded with a Dundie to suicide "due to lack of recognition." It's not the things he means, it's the things he doesn't.