Monday, July 16, 2012

I've Been Bad

Bad about posting. Seriously. I remind myself that I should do it and then I can't think of anything to write about. Maybe thinking of my childhood when everything was simple or the fact that now being around kids is hard... I don't know, this month's theme just depresses me.

I've been eating more fast food lately. We hardly have any food in the house. You know that moment when you look in the fridge, and the freezer, and every cabinet and still don't find anything that you want to eat? I'm seriously having that problem all the time. So slowly but surely I'm packing on the pounds again. Back up to 290 and haven't exercised a bit in the last 2 weeks or so. I sear if I could just have sex every time I felt like eating something bad for me, I would be so skinny! lol. Too bad the Hubbs has like zero sex drive and now has the flu. =(

I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I feel like maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm essentially on vacation right now. No school, no work. Sure I donate plasma twice a week to bump up our income, but I wind up just blowing that little bit of money on food. Something needs to change and I'm pretty sure it's gonna be me.

I really can't afford counseling or anything right now, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to. I have my sex urges that really are not under control. Then I eat like, all the time. I don't know how to fix what's going on with me. Maybe it will be as simple as just getting outside and actually going on the walks I keep telling myself I'm going to. I'm just so tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see.

There are a few things to laugh about though. I caught up with a college friend last night via a G+ hangout. It was so fun. We gossiped about our other friends and how their lives are way worse than ours. Like seriously. One is a teacher, who is friends with some of her students on facebook and is also a nightly burlesque dancer. This is a good idea (insert crazy sarcastic tone here)... what on earth is she thinking?!?! I'm betting it's only a matter of time before we see her on the news for getting fired or doing something wildly more inappropriate with a student.

I may or may not be having fantasies about straying. I don't think I would ever actually do it. The consequences are far too grand. I've talked to Hubbs a lot about the fact that I wish we were having more sex, but I don't know what else to do to make him realize that we're not having enough to satisfy my needs. I realize that I sound a lot like a man here... lol. Hubbs always jokes that in the sex department, I'm the man and he's the woman because I'm always in the mood and he pretty much never is. Good times. Maybe I should just buy a real vibrator and get it over with. Not the fingertip one I keep around for fun... I feel like that would solve the problem here. Sorry if that's TMI. Lol.

Our anniversary is in a few weeks. Hubbs is all excited about this surprise place he's taking me for dinner. He's had it planned for weeks! He swears I'm going to love it. It should be fun. Looking forward to getting all dressed up and having a night on the town. Hopefully though, it's not the night that his eldest sister goes into labor... because I am going to be her person in the room! I'm nervous and excited. I figured it's going to be a long while, if ever, that I get to experience having a baby. This is her 4th and last child, and she offered to let me be the one in the delivery room with her. It's gonna be scary and yet awesome. Quick though, apparently from start to finish her 3rd kid popped out in less than an hour! I'm responsible for making sure the nurses know that this one is going to pop out crazy fast and for them to be on the ball. Her husband is very passive I guess when it comes to that, so she's glad that I'm more assertive. We have a few weeks apparently to worry about it, but I'm supposed to have my phone on me and ready so I can rush over to the hospital in time. Luckily it's literally 2mins from here.

Other than being on 24-hour baby-watch, nothing terribly exciting is going on here. I'm just biding my time until school starts. I do think that I will actually go on that walk today though. I think it'll be good for me. =)

2 comments:

Life has a way of getting in the way of posting some times, right? I was very slow the past two weeks with family visits and the horrible heat. I can't focus when I am uncomfortable. Enjoy your upcoming anniversary, hope your SIL has her baby after your night out!

About Me

Went from commitment-phobe to happily married, infertile to pregnant, mother of one to mother of two, then back to mother of one, blogging my way through this lifelong journey from "if" to "when" and "then".