business

Belly dance has had many highs and lows. Whether it’s due to the economy or just a natural cycling, we are on a down turn again. In times like these, we could all use a little luck to sustain us until the next boom.

Do you feel lucky? If so, great! Use that to your advantage. If not, here are some tips on how to make your own luck and get Lady Luck working in your favor.

See Yourself as Lucky
People who perceive that they are lucky tend to have better luck! They see opportunity in little things. They dismiss negative things as, “meant to be” or see it as one door closing so another can open. In other words, they are optimistic, open and adventurous. If they miss their train, they consider the possibility that it could be because they were meant to be right where they are, so they will look for the reason (opportunity) for why they should be where they are. More often than not, they find it. They are flexible and are open to the possibility that what they wanted could be surpassed by something even greater. Lucky people expect miracles, benefits, opportunities, money, favors, and coincidences and will take advantage of them because they feel they are meant for them.

Be Flexible and Focus on the Big Picture
Lucky people don’t sweat the small details. They may have a goal to be the best dancer they can be, but they don’t think limiting things like: I have to study with all the best teachers. When I am good enough, I have to work as a self-supporting professional dancer in a high profile show. Then, I have win a few titles. THEN, I can become a national workshop level instructor. No, Ms. Lucky is more flexible than that. She knows that success can come in many packages and by many routes. So instead of passing on a dance job that doesn’t fit her rigid plan for success, she takes it and let’s that be the thing that skyrockets her to stardom. She takes the road less traveled. Because it is the road less traveled, she’s more likely to be noticed there.

Work Softer, Not Harder
We’re all conditioned to believe that diligence pays off. We work, work, work conscientiously towards the goal. But, not the lucky girl. She’s not afraid to slack off sometimes and give herself a break. What works about that? You tend to see things you wouldn’t normally see. When you are so focused on the task, you see what is related to the task and may miss the big express train to success that has stopped right in front of you. I am not suggestion that you slack your way to success. No, I believe that success requires some effort on your part, but perhaps the biggest effort you need to exert is to relax once in a while. Smell the roses. Color outside the lines.

Don’t Accept Failure
Not meeting your goals happens. I don’t see it as failure. It’s just feedback. It’s not something that needs to break our spirit or cause us to quit. Thomas Edison created over a thousand light bulbs before he made one that was affordable, reproducible, profitable, and worked! He could only do that because he embraced the feedback that he gleaned from each attempt. He allowed himself to believe that each attempt brought him closer and closer. He didn’t see it as failure at all. Even if your dreams don’t work out, that doesn’t have to be failure. It could be a fun ride that leads to a new, exciting adventure. You can’t live in your dreams if you have all this baggage of regret and “what ifs.” Embrace the now. Love the adventure. Don’t let anything hold you back.

Say, YES!
If you could only have one tip that would transform you into Ms. Lucky, I’d say this one is it. The ability to say, “Yes!” I have seen some amazing dancers with tons of drive, natural beauty, and loads of talent walk away from their dreams because they could not say, “Yes.” There were too many unanswered questions, too much insecurity. I get that. It’s normal to feel anxious when a new opportunity comes along, but the lucky girl believes she can handle whatever happens. Because of this belief and her willingness to take on challenges, she becomes more capable. She weathers the storms and achieves her dreams.

You usually can’t live in the safety zone if you want to live your dreams. Dreams take risk. If they didn’t, we’d all be living our dreams. When opportunity knocks, say yes! Surrender to it. You will do alright.

None of these things require money, education, or anything that you don’t have right now. So, why not start changing your luck right now? All it takes is a change in attitude and a willingness to follow through.

I was recently writing an article about what makes a cult a cult when it dawned on me that THERE ARE BELLY DANCE CULTS! Hear me out.

A “Cult” is defined as a group or sect bound together by veneration of the same thing, person, ideal, etc. Although the term is typically applied to religious groups, other types of groups can be considered cults such as multi-level marketing companies, political organizations, self-help groups, and BELLY DANCE! Cults tend to be viewed negatively by outsiders because they generally involve manipulation to get you involved and committed to the group.

Most people say, “I would never get involved in a cult! I could see that coming a mile away.” If that were true, there wouldn’t be between 3,000- 5,000 cults operating in America today with 180,000 new recruits per year. If you doubt that belly dance could be a cult, take a look at some generalities about cults and you can decide is your belly dance class a cult.

Lies

Cults rely on lies to keep recruits coming in, members interested, and members working towards their goals. If they were straight-forward and honest, few would be interested in their agenda. Legitimate groups don’t have to hide what they believe or practice.

Secrecy

Does your group have beliefs, truths, or teachings that are supposed to be kept secret? Are these secrets ancient or exclusive teachings that come from some very important source? Are outsiders forbidden to know about them? If so, this is a sign that you are in a cult. They don’t want you telling others what is going on for fear that someone who is not under their spell will burst your bubble.

Exclusivity

Like it or not, we are all attracted to exclusivity. That’s why we pay so much for a Bentley or a Rolex. Cults use exclusivity to get you hooked. They say things like, “You were one of the few invited….” or “We don’t normally let outsiders in, but because of (fill in the blank), we can see you are special.” Some legitimate organizations limit membership to people belonging to certain groups (like women, members of a fraternity, or Catholics), but they don’t try to make you feel special to get you to join. Cults tend to be small groups because they are easier to control.

Fear

Most cults play on your fears to get you to stay. The most notorious play on the fear that the end of the world is coming, but only members of their group will be saved – or something to that effect. In the belly dance world, it may be more like the covert or overt threat that your opportunities will be severely limited if you leave this group.

Intimidation and Intolerance

In cults, few will criticize the all mighty leader. It’s not tolerated. There may be threats of being kicked out or harmed in some way for disobedience. In legitimate groups, the choice to stay or go is always open. Investigating information on the group isn’t seen as dangerous or undesirable. It’s just what free thinking people do.

Isolation

Cults tend to be emotionally isolated from the rest of society. In extreme situations, they may also be geographically isolated. This isolation is self-imposed to keep them “pure” or keep them away from the “evil” outside world. Contact with outsiders is extremely limited. In belly dance, this may mean that students can’t go to other teacher’s workshops or events. They can only do things that are sanctioned by their teacher.

Love Bombing

Anyone can be caught up in a cult. They tend to attract people who are in a low time in their lives and in need of love (and who among us hasn’t experienced that at some point?) Cults play on this vulnerability by surrounding new comers with love, friendship, support and a feeling of being welcome. This can be very hard to give up if you are in a bad place in life. It also can keep you from looking too closely at what is behind it. If you start asking questions, the love may be withdrawn. Think of how many women feel beautiful, some for the first time in their lives, by the pretty sparkling costumes, sensuous belly dance moves, and honeyed compliments of their teacher.

A Single Charimatic Leader

Cults tend to have one leader who has an ability to make others love her. She doesn’t tolerate disobedience or questions and can’t be held accountable for anything. She seems paranoid about people outside of the group and feels safest when surrounded by group members. Although she can be quite charming, she can switch to being very cold at the drop of a hat if it suits her goals.

Sounds like any group you know?

I am not suggesting that all belly dance groups are cults. Many legitimate groups that have some of these characteristics, so how can you tell the difference between a healthy group and a cult? Healthy groups will have open relationships with the outside world. Healthy groups won’t intimidate you into staying or try to keep you from doing your own research on their group or other groups. Healthy groups don’t try to isolate you from your family and friends and encourage you to leave your former life behind. Healthy groups also don’t encourage you to work for them for little or nothing.

The comparison of belly dance to a cult started out as a bit of a joke, but any group relationship that robs you of self-esteem, functions from a place of manipulation, and works for the benefit of one person isn’t a healthy place to be. I sincerely hope that your group doesn’t have these characteristics, but if it does, maybe you should consider moving on to another group that has a give and take attitude, space to grow and ask questions, and the freedom to make informed choices.

In the old days, belly dance instructors gave their students their dance names. Now days it’s more common for dancers to choose their own stage name. Picking a belly dance stage name is a lot like choosing a business name. If you keep a few things in mind, you should come up with something that you love.

* For name ideas, check out baby name registries. They will usually list where the name is from and what it means. You don’t want to choose something that means “garbage.” (Not that that would happen!)

* Keep your target audience in mind. While you don’t have to restrict yourself to Middle Eastern names, a made up name or a fantasy name works better if you are doing Renaissance faires and that type of thing. If you want to dance for Arabs, it’s better to have an Arab name. If you have a big Turkish population, you might want to consider a Turkish name.

* Before you register your website and print business cards in your new stage name, try the name out for a couple of weeks. Spell it. See if others can pronounce it. You don’t want your announcer mangling your name every time you are introduced. Say it. Does it roll off the tongue? Does it sound like something unpleasant? When you consider that Talibah means “seeker after knowledge” it might be appealing, but one if you are ever introduced as Taliban, you might reconsider. Don’t we all know dancers that were formerly something else? It can get confusing to change a lot. Try it out before you commit.

* It might be a good idea to go with something that is neither very popular nor too obscure. My first dance name was Sheherezade. My teacher gave it to me and I loved it because who doesn’t love Arabian Nights? Everybody, right? Well, everybody had that name. So I changed it to Salome. Same thing. When I was given the name Taaj by a Syrian friend, nobody was using it, so that finally stuck.

* Consider using a variation of your own name. If your name is Mary, you might go with Mariah or Miryam.

* Consider using your given name. You don’t have to have an exotic stage name. Some people prefer to use their own, and that’s just fine. However, keep in mind that one of the reasons for having a stage name is for privacy and security.

When you are born, you are given a name. When you take the stage, you get to choose. Names have power. Choose well.

There seems to be a lot of merging of adult entertainment styles with belly dance these days. Burlesque and pole dancing are popular variations. I don’t have any problem with that. Just don’t call it belly dance.

This isn’t an argument about whether or not each dance is a legitimate art form. This isn’t a debate about whether or not it takes talent to do them. It’s an observation that a folk dance rooted in the middle east that is traditionally performed by women for women, at weddings, as family entertainment does not belong in the same category. To mix adult entertainment with belly dance and call it “belly dance” strengthens the hootchie cootchie stereotypes.

For decades women have fought to get middle eastern dance accepted in cultural festivals, schools, churches, Girl Scout events, and other family friendly affairs. When the public sees a “belly dancing” show that includes semi-nudity, teasing, and suggestive movements, they don’t know that that is a different variety. They just know that it’s sexual, seductive, and may involve lots of men and tipping on the body.

If you engage in adult entertainment, please respect the work of those that have gone before you to educate the public. Please advertise your entertainment as being geared to ages 18+. Borrow heavily from belly dance if you like, but please don’t call it belly dance.

Every profession and hobby attracts toxic people (people who are harmful to those around them) but sometimes Belly dance, from my point of view, seems to have more than its share.

The problem is, sometimes it’s hard for a reasonable person to tell if she or he is under attack by a toxic person who intends harm.

Reasonable people ask themselves if they are being fair to others. They may bend over backward to accommodate the other person. For the most part, they take the high road and don’t return the hostility they think that they perceive. In the meantime, they are leaving themselves exposed to negativity that drains their energy and motivation, which, at times, can physically make one sick.

If you are one of the people asking yourself, “Am I the one at fault?” Ask no more! Here are two ways to identify toxic people.

If the person with whom you are dealing shows any of the following characteristics, she is probably toxic. It may be that you are dealing with a personality that affects you adversely:

The Victim– This person has a knack for making you feel sorry for him or her. There will be some drama going on in the victim’s life at all times, such as a divorce, a tragic childhood, or financial problems that are nothing more than a call for pity.
Example: “Samra” sets the performance schedule for a restaurant. She has left “Nadira” off of the schedule for three weeks. Nadira asks Samra if there is some reason for the oversight. Samra tells her that she will put her on the schedule, but for whatever excuse, she does not follow through with her promise. When Nadira decides to go work for another restaurant, Samra complains to others that she taught Nadira everything she knows and now Nadira is abandoning her, not saying directly, but implying that Nadira is ungrateful and disloyal.

The Helper- A helper may put herself in the spotlight by creating situations from which she “rescues” you or may take advantage of naturally occurring problems in order to have her actions seen as helpful to you. She uses such situations to create feelings of indebtedness
Example: “Leila” books gigs for her group. She gets two calls in the same night for gigs that are 35 miles apart. “Khaleela” agrees to take them both since no one else is available, but afterward, Khaleela complains that Leila has taken advantage of her and asks Leila for excessive or unwarranted favors—while reminding Leila of how she “bailed her out.”

The Distorter– A person who distorts will twist stories just enough to make it look confusing so that she/he can do what she/he wants, look good, be liked, and always have “an out.”
Example: Your troupe has a set dress code, but “Zeina” wears clothing that does not follow the guidelines. When troupe members call her on this, she says that she “just misunderstood.” However, at the next performance, she either does the same thing or violates the troupe’s rules in another way.
Another example: “Jamilla” speaks with positive words. She says she believes Belly dance empowers women and is a sisterhood. Nonetheless, she advises her students to avoid “Bahia” because Bahia is not a nice person, dances in a style that they aren’t interested in learning, is motivated only by personal profit, and her events are not worth the price of the ticket.
Identifying a toxic person by these characteristics can give you some peace of mind though the realization that it is the other person, not you, who is creating the problem!

However, always remember that it takes two to Tango; you must ask yourself how you feed into the toxic person’s scenario and perhaps, become an enabler for such behavior. Probably the most important way to single them out is by asking yourself how you feel when you are around them.

Do you feel like they are sapping all of your energy?

Do you give more to them than you get back?

Is everything a struggle?

Are you always trying to be specific so that you are not misunderstood?

Do you spend a lot of time reality checking with others?

Do you find yourself defending or explaining your actions to avoid misinterpretations? Do you find yourself doing things that you didn’t want to do?

Does your mood change from good to bad when you are around this person?

Do you wonder if what you heard was a compliment or insult?

If you believe that you have a toxic person in your life, what do you do about it? First, be certain that you are, in fact, dealing with a toxic person, and not a misunderstanding, by trying the reasonable approach. Point out what you perceive as negative, hurtful actions or and how you feel about them. Listen to the response you receive. Offer a solution and see if the other person agrees and follows through.

Example: “Hi, “Sohier. You showed up for the show wearing costuming that is not a part of our dress code. We’ve talked about it before, but I am beginning to feel like you don’t care about being a team player.”

Carefully listen to the response because it will help you form your next suggestion. You may want to say, “Since we’re having trouble communicating what the dress code is, would a written list help?”

If the person listened, and participated in the discussion—even if it was done in a demanding or whiny way—and followed through with your suggestion, you are probably dealing with a difficult person. Difficult people find it easy or expedient to complain. Sometimes, they seem to see everything as either black or white; however, one can reason with them!

If you have attempted to go through some reasoning process without positive results, you might justify concluding that you’re dealing with a toxic person.

Here’s what to do next:

Let go of the desire to change this person. You can’t change anyone, especially someone who doesn’t want to change.

Set boundaries and limits. While it’s good to be flexible in most cases, this is not one of them. Toxic people take advantage of flexibility.

Be specific. Toxic people can easily manipulate ambiguity.

Put it in writing if you can. Spoken words are easier to manipulate than written ones.

Don’t argue or debate because you will lose. They are better at this game than you are.

If you find yourself losing your cool, leave the situation for another time.

Look for some sort of win/win solution.

Praise them when they do well. It may entice them to repeat positive behavior.

Don’t drag others into the conflict. It just fuels the fire.

Vent and reality check with supportive, reasonable people or with someone who does not have a relationship with the other party. This will not help resolve anything, but it will help you keep your sanity.

Limit your time with them. If you don’t have to deal with them, don’t. This includes cutting them out of your life completely.
Many good dancers and teachers leave Belly dance because of toxic people. Such a choice is understandable, but the information and suggestions above may keep others from unnecessarily abandoning our beautiful field of dance.

I often employ dancers and instructors as independent contractors. Sometimes they are confused about submitting W-4 forms and getting a 1099 at the end of the year. I thought it would be useful to talk about the differences between what it means to be an independent contractor or an employee.

When someone hires you to do a job and can control what you do and how you do it, you are an employee.

For example, if I call you and ask if you can teach a Turkish class at 7:30 p.m. on Tuesdays using my curriculum, you are an employee. I am controlling what you do because I am very specific in asking that you teach Turkish. I am controlling how you do it because you must use my curriculum. If you could make up your own schedule, teach the subject of your choice, at the time of your choice, using the method of your choice, you would be an independent contractor.

When someone hires you to do a job, but is only in control of the end result and not the means or method by which is it is accomplished, you are an independent contractor.

So, if I am working as your agent and offer you a belly gram that starts at 8:00 pm., you are probably an independent contractor. Although your work hours are set by a third party, I am not dictating that. As the agent, I am not telling to dance to particular music in a specific costume. I am not providing you with or paying for transportation. I am not supplying you with music or a boom box. If I were, you would be an employee.

Another factor in assessing this case is the length of the work relationship. If it’s reasonable to assume that the pay ends with the end of the job, you are probably an independent contractor. If you are being paid by the hour regardless of how many calls came in, you would probably be an employee.

The consequences of not being paid correctly can be quite serious.

If you mistakenly classify an employee as an independent contractor, you may be liable for that person’s employment taxes plus interest even if those taxes have already been paid.There could also be heavy fines and criminal charges. If you are not sure whether people who work for you should be classified as independent contractors or employees, get form SS-8 from the IRS.

If you feel that you have been unfairly classified and are missing out on benefits because of this misclassification, you can request that the IRS determine your status by using form SS-8.

The benefit of being an employee is that your taxes are paid for you as you go. You may be offered incentives to work such as health insurance and retirement plans. The benefit of hiring an employee is that have you have a higher degree of control over when work is done and how work is done. For example, you can set the work day from 9:00- 5:00 with a half hour break. You can dictate that work must be done in a specific order.

The benefit of being an independent contractor is that you can decide which jobs to take. You dictate your hours, working conditions, and can negotiate your wages. In short, you have greater freedom. The benefit of hiring independent contractors is that it is often cheaper because you don’t have to pay their social security taxes, unemployment insurance or worker’s compensation. You don’t have to offer incentives like health insurance or retirement accounts.

It’s also easier to sever the working relationship.

There are positives and negatives to being on either side of the fence. The important thing is that the relationship between worker and payer be classified correctly for tax purposes so that you are aware of what taxes and filings you are liable for. You don’t want to be hit with penalties for being ignorant or misclassified.