As someone who used to fill his bottle with buttered popcorn as an infant, I have seen my fair share of award shows over the last three decades, which is why I feel confident in calling the 83rd Annual Academy Awards one of the most awkward in history.

Not worst, per se, since I think there were several bright spots, but there was something soul-smotheringly sluggish about the pacing that left me — an Oscar devotee — itching to flip the channel.

In the interest of fairness, I thought it prudent to break down exactly what worked, what didn’t and what shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

The Good

Things started off on the right foot as hosts Anne Hathaway and James Franco starred in a legitimately funny intro sketch that inserting them into all the nominated films, a la Billy Crystal [watch]. Sadly everything that came after from the pair was sluggish, lackluster and dull. For this, I blame Franco who seemed to lose interest in hosting about half way through. Anne deserves major kudos for fully committing to every moment, her best being the tuxedo-clad song she used to attack Hugh Jackman.

Speaking of Billy, his mah-velous mid-show appearance provided such relief to us exhausted viewers, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him tapped to host next year’s affair.

Or maybe Sandra Bullock could snag the gig since her Best Actor introductions featured the night’s only somewhat organically sincere sentiments [watch]. I just feel like anything the winners — Colin Firth, Natalie Portman, Christian Bale and Melissa Leo — had to say, was already said at The Golden Globes. And The Screen Actor’s Guild Awards.

For my money, the night’s most enjoyable moment came from the most unlikely of places: 94-year-old Kirk Douglas. His Best Supporting Actress presentation started awkwardly and I think we all assumed someone would have to come escort him off the stage with the promise of a “Wheel of Fortune” rerun. But the three time Oscar nominee still had his wits about him as he proceeded to hit on Hathaway and poke fun at Aussies before continually (and consciously) delaying the reveal of who had won with some hilariously timed “you know” asides [watch].

It’s quite fitting that an award show, which was so insanely focused on courting the younger viewers, would end up providing so many senior moments.

The Bad

Sadly, many of those came from “The King’s Speech,” which took home Oscars for Best Actor (deserved), Best Picture (I don’t think so) and Best Director (oh hell no!). Although that category was infuriating from the jump thanks to Christopher Nolan’s snub. An offensive omission that was made more and more glaring obvious with every “Inception” win.

By night’s end, the twisty thriller — which The Academy apparently believes was directed by divine intervention — tied “Speech” for most wins: Best Cinematography, Sound Mixing, Sound Editing, and Visual Effects.

Outside of the categories, things didn’t get much better in the bloated telecast as jokes fell flat, high profile speeches tanked (love you Melissa Leo, but that was f***ing bad) and the In Memoriam segment continued to omit notable names: in particular, Corey Haim, who received an unofficial eulogy on Twitter as it exploded with negative reactions to the snub.

Other quick issues: why did Anne Hathaway introduce Hilary Swank who introduced “woman” director Kathryn Bigelow? We were all here last year, we know who she is.

Gwyneth looked lovely but sounded terrible during her performance of “Coming Home” from “Country Strong.” I know we all like the fact that she can sing, but can we all agree that she doesn’t have to?