Infidelity expert Ruth Houston's comments, observations, and insights on popular infidelity issues in the news.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Why Revenge Cheating and Retaliatory Affairs Don’t Work When Trying to Get Even with a Cheating Spouse

It’s natural to want to get back at your cheating spouse when you find out he or she has been cheating on you or having an extramarital affair.

Revenge cheating and retaliatory affairs are two ways infidelity victims commonly try to even the score, or strike back at a cheating mate.

Bertinelli’s Revenge Cheating

Earlier this week, on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Valerie Bertinelli said she and ex-husband Eddie Van Halen cheated on each other during their marriage. (They divorced last year.) Valerie Bertinelli told Oprah she began cheating five years into her marriage to Van Halen. From Valerie Bertinelli’s comments, it sounds like this mutual cheating went on for so long that now they can’t even agree on which one of them cheated first.

Sometimes a one-night stand with a total stranger is enough to make an infidelity victim feel vindicated -- even if their cheating spouse or significant other never finds out about the affair.

Other infidelity victims are more calculating about setting up a retaliatory affair. They will go out of their way to cheat with someone who cause major embarrassment or extreme emotional distress to their partner -- a best friend, family member, or business rival of their cheating spouse or significant other.

Then they carefully set things up to make sure their partner finds out about the retaliatory affair.

How Revenge Cheating Can Backfire in Unexpected Ways

Not only does revenge cheating rarely have the desired result, it can backfire in several ways.

Instead of teaching the cheating spouse or significant other a lesson, or showing the cheater how it feels to be cheated on, a revenge affair can actually have the opposite effect.

Your cheating spouse or significant other may use your revenge affair as an excuse to continue cheating on you, or as justification for having other affairs.

Revenge cheating can also lead to domestic violence or worse. No matter how justified you may feel, your partner may strike back at you physically for what you’ve done.

A Revenge Affairs Won’t Solve the Problem

That’s why, when I consult with infidelity victims, I strongly discourage revenge cheating and retaliatory affairs. Instead of solving the problem of a cheating mate, they can eventually destroy what’s left of the marriage or relationship. And there are always repercussions of some kind. Despite all their cheating back and forth – or maybe because of it -- Valerie Bertinelli and Eddie Van Halen are now divorced.

Wanting to get even or strike back at a cheating spouse is a natural desire. But if you experience an overwhelming desire to engage in a retaliatory affair, DO NOT give in to this urge. Regardless of whether you plan to stay with the cheater or leave, rethink the matter of revenge cheating, and seek professional help. A revenge affair is something you should avoid at all costs.

5 More Things to Avoid Doing

To find out 5 more things you should avoid doing when you find out your spouse or significant other is having an affair, request a FREE copy of the special report entitled “5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do if He’s Cheating on You.” E-mail InfidelityAdvice@gmail.com with “5 things-bb” in the subject line.

More About Getting Revenge on a Cheating Matein My Next Post

In my next post, I'll go into more detail about some of the things infidelity victims do to get even with a cheating mate. And I’ll discuss why and how in the long run, these things seldom ever work. Bookmark this page so you can easily find your way back for the rest of this discussion.

Learn alternative ways to go about getting revenge without doing anything to break the law.

Find out why the most successful and satisfying revenge schemes depend on careful planning – which means finding out everything you can about the cheater and his lover, and using this information to your advantage. Visit http://getrevenge-gettingrevenge.blogspot.com/

And make full use of the Revenge Resources below to help you plot your revenge.

Revenge Resources

These Revenge Resources can help you plot the best, and most effective form of revenge without getting in trouble with the law.

FREE Tip Sheet on How to Legally and Financially Get Revenge

There are legal and financial ways to get revenge on a cheating spouse. This free tip sheet contains some excellent suggestions. To request a free copy, e-mail InfidelityAdvice@gmail.com with “Get Revenge – bb” in the subject line.

A reverse phone number search can help you find out the name of the person your spouse or significant other is cheating with. Write down any suspicious or unfamiliar phone numbers you find on his or her cell phone bill, programmed into their cell phone, on your caller ID, or scribbled on scraps of paper or the back of business cards, Then use this service to do a reverse phone number search and find out whose phone number it is. Your search is 100% confidential. For an additional fee, this service also allows you to run a background check on any names you come across. For more information, click here, or go to http://www.cheatingspousephonesearch.com/

If your spouse or significant other is sending or receiving e-mails from his or her lover and you want to find out who the e-mail address belongs to, you can run a reverse e-mail address search with the largest e-mail search database on the internet. This is the same service used by law enforcement, government officials, lawyers, private investigators and many others. For more information, click here, or go to http://www.cheatingspouseemailsearch.com/

If you already have the name of the cheater's lover and want find out more about this person, run a background check to find out things like whether or not the Other Woman or Other Man is married or divorced, where they live or work, if they have a criminal record, what property or businesses they own, and more. All background searches are confidential and can be quickly and anonymously done from your own computer in the comfort of your home. For more information, click here, or go to http://www.cheatingspousebackgroundcheck.com/

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Infidelity Expert Ruth Houston

InfidelityExpert@gmail.com

Infidelity Expert Ruth Houston

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. Ruth is also the founder of http://www.infidelityadvice.com/ and the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, which lists practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs people usually overlook. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, ot book her as a speaker for your next event, call 718 592-6039 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.comFor detailed information on infidelity expert Ruth Houston, scroll down to her bio below.

Frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news, celebrity infidelity, high profile infidelity court cases, and infidelity-related breaking news, Ruth has been quoted in USA Today, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times, the New York Daily News, Cosmopolitan, the New York Post, the Chicago Tribune, the Houston Chronicle, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Toronto Sun, Maclean's, AOL BlackVoices, MSN Lifestyle, FoxNews.com, ABCNews.com, msnbc.com, Divorce360.com, iVillage, Univision Online, Reuters, the Associated Press, UPI and numerous other print and online media.

Ruth has also been a guest on The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, Fox & Friends, The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, NBC News, BBC, CBC, WCBS, ABC News, Fox News, Telemundo, 1010WINS, Court TV Radio, and over 470 TV and radio news and talk shows in the United States, Canada, Europe, the Caribbean, Africa, South America, Australia and New Zealand.

To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or to book her as a speaker for your group or your next event, call 718 592-6039 or e-mail mailto:InfidelityExpert@gmail.com

For more information about signs of infidelity, cheating spouses, or extramarital affairs, visit www.InfidelityAdvice.com or one of Ruth Houston’s infidelity-related blogs at