{This post is one in a series called, “Top 10 Fears”, in which I speak to the most common fears parents express about homeschooling the high school years. To see all the topics, or to start at the beginning, click HERE.}

Fear #7

Your child won’t get an actual diploma

Perhaps the deepest fear among high schooling parents is failing to cross the finish line. That somehow, after all those years of hard work, something goes terribly wrong. Often, that story is is:

Your kid doesn’t get a diploma. And it’s all your fault.

If this is your story, read on. It may be time for a modern rewrite of that story, one that makes more sense for you, the home educating family.

The Dream

Let’s start out with the dream. The one where you envision your kid, walking across a big stage, turning a tassel, and getting handed a leatherette folder. Inside the folder = the prize. That glorious sheet of parchment with the raised lettering and the gold seal. The coveted certificate that shows the world you’ve got a real-life graduate on your hands. You can’t wait to take photos with it, show the grandparents, frame it, and then hang it on the wall.

In your mind, that parchment is the key to your child’s future, is it not? It’s required for the college degree, the job, the happiness, and the secure financial future.

Examine the origins of that dream, however, and you might just realize it’s time for an update.

Let me ask you about that diploma thing…is getting a diploma really your child’s dream, or, is it yours?

I wonder, is this really about the diploma? Or, is it the meaning attached? It’s funny the importance we place on “things“…the wearing of a gown, the turning of a class ring, the tossing of a cap into the air…

I love tradition and I understand your desire for diplomas. Seeing hordes of students in academic regalia always gives me the chills…that will probably never change.

But, today, we need to recognize there are many ways of finishing high school. Hundreds of ways of documenting it. And limitless ways to celebrate finishing it. Not all of those ways involve a leatherette case.

I’m sorry to be the one to break this to you, but homeschooling doesn’t always come with an embossed certificate. Getting an actual diploma isn’t always guaranteed.

So, now, you’re thinking, WHAT? But, “My friend said…”, and “I heard that…”, and “Someone told me if…”, and I get that! Don’t some homeschoolers get high school diplomas? Absolutely. In some areas, under certain options, in some states, under certain circumstances, homeschoolers do get high school diplomas. And in some areas, under certain options, in some states, under certain circumstances, they get certificates or completion letters or other notifications, too.

But — they don’t always. And you need to get used to that. Now.

In lots and lots of cases, homeschoolers don’t get high school diplomas. It doesn’t mean they didn’t finish your program and graduate. It just means is they weren’t handed the same paper you got, and other kids get.

Change is Good

In our home, our children have (had) no interest in diplomas. They’re not familiar with the traditions of high school graduation, so it isn’t a part of their world. Some of our kids have been handed diplomas, certificates and letters of completion over the years, and some have not. The documents never made them feel any different. As I write this today, those certificates are stored in plastic sleeves in every child’s high school binder, not hanging on the wall. What we hang on the wall are photos of all of us together, projects they’ve completed alone, memories of what we’ve accomplished as a home educating family, and college diplomas, made easily possible — no high school diploma needed. Change is fine. In fact, it’s really good.

Still Want a Diploma?

If you live in an area, or are homeschooling under a program that does not award a high school diploma, so be it. You’ll need to make one. Or have a talented friend make one for you.

You’ll have to buy a diploma at an office supply outlet. Better yet, you can purchase an exquisite diploma online.

Feel free to do all the ceremonial stuff, too — the leatherette case, the black and gold frame, and displaying it on the family room wall. Lots of homeschoolers do! It’s the perfect blend of parent-directed education and age-old tradition, don’t you agree?

In closing, I would simply encourage you to think deeply, not about your fear of failure, but about a new definition of high school completion, one more appropriate for our times. Realize that a certificate does not define homeschool completion, your success or failure, nor does it define your student.

In my mind, homeschool completion is so much more than a single sheet of parchment — an ordinary diploma seems hardly enough for all you’ve poured into your child anyway.

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. The founder of many homeschool groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, or with no educational background whatsoever. A liaison for regional school-to-home organizations and a homeschool leader in Florida, Marie-Claire also mentors homeschool families nationwide. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, and many other events. She currently writes for audiences at Quick Start Homeschool, which she founded in 2010, and as a guest writer on other sites as often as she can. Her articles have appeared in CONNECT magazine, on Homefires, atCircle of Moms, and she has contributed to hundreds of other blogs nationwide. Dr. Moreau can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.

Can homeschoolers graduate early? Yes! As long as [any] statewide attendance laws are met, students may complete at any time.

But, WHY?

Are there advantages to early graduation? Any drawbacks?

Let’s go over the particulars.

How Early is Early?

So, what’s considered early anyway? Since teens traditionally graduate around 17-19, graduating younger age is considered early. A completer at 15 or 16 is an early graduate. Completing at 13 or 14 is even earlier. You get the idea.

How Is It Done?

There are lots of ways. I’ll list just a few.

One way, is by taking more credits per year. Instead of the usual 6 or 7 courses per semester/year, early completers can take 8, 9 or more. As credits add up, the completion date moves closer and closer.

Schooling year-round is another way. No vacations or time off means students move swiftly from one high school “grade” to another. Earlier progression means earlier graduation.

Homeschooling at an accelerated pace is possible, too. Many students are capable of completing larger amounts in shorter periods of time. Motivated, efficient learners reach the finish line more quickly.

A final way is about taking a “mastery” approach to awarding credit, which can result in students stock-piling credits more quickly. Mastery is demonstrated when students either test out of courses (think CLEP and things like that) or can produce legitimate evidence or large scale projects which demonstrate an activity is worth a credit (without the student taking an actual class). Think of this as the “independent study” you remember from when you were in school.

Note: Early graduation is never about short-changing students academically. It’s about achieving the same competency, just in a shorter time.

The most obvious advantage is early college. Early college admission leads to early college graduation, which lead straight to grad school or a job plus earnings. Using dual enrollment options or CLEP credit, early high school graduation is easily possible most everywhere.

Perhaps a more practical advantage to early graduation is saving money on courses and curriculum. While it’s impossible to put a price on education (nor should education ever be withheld), it’s hard not to notice the savings by ending homeschool early. Families using expensive delivery systems or pricey online programs sometimes view early graduation as a way of not having to spend on curriculum any more. Even cutting off high school by a few months can quickly multiply after several children. Freeing up parents to go back to work adds even more incentive.

Opportunities increase for completers the day after graduation, too. Travel , internships, adult courses, volunteering, jobs, military and many other options open immediately to high school graduates.

Early graduation benefits students mature enough to get up and go. Students — those with realistic plans and a skill set to match – have little reason to continue an educational program that has nothing to offer beyond what they already have.

A final advantage is liberating students from the drudgery of curriculum and busywork. In households where students are just marking time until graduation, early graduation provides a way out of using school work just to fill time.

What are the DISADVANTAGES?

Not everyone feels the same way about early high school graduation. Parents may think, “She’s too young to live on her own,” and “He’s not ready to go to college yet anyway?” which are very valid points.

This is the part where families need to make their own decisions.

Though some students genuinely benefit from early graduation, others do not, such as those with nowhere else to go until they’re older. We’ve all heard stories of the students competent enough to graduate high school but too young to attend college alone. Though some kids are ready academically, are they readyenough to move on to the next thing?

Weighing the ramifications of moving a less emotionally and socially mature youngster into an environment where he or she may not feel comfortable is important to think about. Exposing younger students to the more explicit contexts and culture of college and adult situations can be worrisome — even downright dangerous.

Most importantly, perhaps, are the lost opportunities caused by graduating early. Depending on the area, this could include ineligibility for high school sports and other extracurricular activities, ineligibility for dual enrollment situations, lost opportunities to participate in certain AP courses or driver’s education programs, disqualification for scholarship programs, and more. When high school status is required, graduating teens early can shortchange them big-time, since they forfeit valuable opportunities for which they’re no longer eligible.

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. The founder of many homeschool groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, or with no educational background whatsoever. A liaison for regional school-to-home organizations and a homeschool leader in Florida, Marie-Claire also mentors homeschool families nationwide. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., HECOA, FLHES, and many other events. She currently writes for audiences at Quick Start Homeschool, and as a guest on other sites as often as she can. Her articles have appeared in CONNECT, on Homefires, at Circle of Moms and she has contributed to hundreds of other blogs nationwide. Dr. Moreau can be reached atcontactmarieclaire@gmail.com.

[Author’s note, 2017: This article caused a great stir when originally published in 2012. Though I appreciated the widespread sharing, discussion and commentary below in comments and over social media, it also concerned me the amount of criticism I received for bringing this issue to light. I repeat today what I wrote originally, which is that certainly letting go must happen differently for different people; however, over the years, homeschool moms have sometimes confided the tenderness of their hearts when looking ahead to children ultimately leaving the nest. My article was never meant to generalize an entire population of homeschool moms, convict anyone for caring too much or in unhealthy ways, nor claim this is happening in the majority. More importantly, I never meant to hint at harm or abuse, as was implied by a good deal of readers who felt I made that assertion. The truth is, in my 20+ years of encounters with homeschoolers all across the country and other parts of the world, I would estimate that the majority of homeschool moms (and dads, too) have no difficulty letting go, and in fact look proudly and enthusiastically upon the process, knowing their children are poised and ready to face the joys and challenges of adult life. My article was written solely to assist the minority of moms who’ve admitted being worried about letting go, as a way to share what I’ve seen work in other homes, and to comfort those who may be struggling similarly.]

It takes a special kind of mom to homeschool her children. You know the kind: loves her kids until it hurts, goes to the moon and back to keep them safe, harnesses superpowers to protect them from evil, and stops at nothing to grant her offspring a world of opportunities plus a life of never-ending happiness. These qualities are certainly not unique to homeschool moms — it’s just what moms do.

We want to do it all. Be there 24/7. Sure, every mom nurtures, protects, and cheers her kids on. But the homeschool mom takes on even a little bit more, because she’s not about to give away the reigns of child-rearing and education. She’s in the driver’s seat, charting her own course, deciding when and where to turn along the way.

The homeschool mom is in control, and plans to stay there.

I assert this control can lead to a problem – when letting go. Though not true of everyone, many a homeschool mom has confessed her fear of letting go once her children are grown.

I have experienced this to some degree. Have you?

A fear of letting go is hard to describe. It’s the feeling that some day, after being there day-in and day-out, all those years, the realization that the kids won’t need her so much any more. It’s reality that the children will eventually do schoolwork on their own. And graduate from high school. And head to college. And, then, some day (gasp!) leave home and move away.

Homeschool moms of littles haven’t begun thinking letting go. But you can bet moms of middle- and high schoolers think about it. Sometimes a lot.

Fortunately, Mother Nature helps prepare for a child’s eventual independence, as she has done for generations (remember the last time you had an argument with your teen?). Alas, that doesn’t always make it any easier, especially for moms who hold on too tight.

There are ways homeschool moms worried about letting go can help themselves. Even the most fiercely protective and controlling moms can ease into the idea of letting go. Please understand that I am not an expert in this area. However, I have found these tips to be helpful for women I know.

For starters, recognize when children are able to do things on their own. This should begin in the early years and must continue as the child grows. We sometimes see moms doing for children the things the children should be doing by themselves. Whether a child ties shoelaces poorly or makes a messy bed is insignificant. Learning by trying over and over is what builds confidence. Ultimately, it’s that confidence that leads to independence.

Assigning kids responsibility is necessary and helpful. By assigning independent schoolwork, household chores, sibling care, and other age-appropriate duties, kids learn when they’re accountable for their completion. With greater responsibility comes greater independence. Ultimately, self-sufficiency can aid in viewing kids that way, since self-sufficiency needs to be visible in order to feel good about letting go.

As her children grow, moms must learn to step back. As obvious as this is to some, some moms don’t see this as clearly. Children as early as 3rd or 4th grade are capable of doing a good deal of homeschool work, plus many other things, on their own. Though it may take some retraining — perhaps extra willpower for those used to sitting by a child’s side – homeschool moms must expect that a portion of her child’s work is done independently. Am I suggesting that homeschooling should occur without help or supervision? Of course not. But, schooling with the expectation that mom can walk away for longer and longer periods of time is the norm.

Finally, as the children move into adolescence and young adulthood, moms must be willing to relinquish some things. This will vary from person to person, but if she hasn’t done so already, she must cease activities that may thwart her child’s independence or take away opportunities for them to use their own judgement. Moms must learn to welcome — and look forward to – the day that her child’s knowledge of a subject surpasses her own. And she must allow her child to express opinions and thoughts, even if they do not always coincide with her own.

Giving away control isn’t the same as giving up on caring. It is, however, a way for moms to learn to let go. Over time, it gets easier, until eventually she recognizes that her children are ready to do the things they have the confidence and training to do.

Letting go is a process all parents go through, often naturally, and with no additional help at all. But for the moms who may be worried about nurturing independence in their children or who outright fear their own inability to let go at the end, it’s my hope that these tips have given help and a bit of comfort.

To your success,

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. A homeschooling pioneer and the founder of many groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the public school system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, with no teaching background whatsoever. A writer, a homeschool leader, and a women’s life coach, Marie-Claire mentors in a variety of areas that impact health, education and lifestyle. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, The Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool Network, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on Holistic Parenting, CONNECT,Homefires, Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of sites and blogs nationwide. Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.

What comes to mind when you think about high school graduation? For many people, the list goes something like this:

Prom

Honor Society

Awards Ceremony

Class Ring

Yearbook

Cap, Gown and Tassel

Graduation Party

Diploma

Did you know that these traditions aren’t just for kids who graduate from high schools? Homeschoolers may enjoy all of these special events, too.

Homeschool dances and proms, for example, take place every spring in many major cities all across the country — a little research should help you find one within commuting distance. In some states, homeschoolers are also invited to attend prom sponsored by the local schools, too. And if there isn’t a prom in your area, why not team up with several other families and host one of your own?

As for class rings, cap and gown, diplomas, and other graduation memorabilia, try Josten’s, the HSLDA store, your statewide homeschool group or any of the other suppliers you find on the Internet. Homeschooler graduations can be as low-key or as elaborate as you wish, including invitations, programs, professional photos or anything else you’d like to include as part of the festivities. Keep in mind that companies like Vistaprint, Cafepress, and Shindigz offer great deals and specials on posters, banners and other party supplies, so graduation doesn’t have to cost a mint.

When thinking about homeschool graduation, remember that homeschooling is an entirely different lifestyle than the one experienced by families with kids that attend high schools. Because of this, for some families, traditional graduations are not important at all. But on the other hand, for those who love the idea of duplicating all of the pomp and circumstance — why not? Whether your graduate walks in a local ceremony, or you gather with other families and hold a smaller one of your own, the experience is entirely up to you. Just as your homeschooling experience has been unique, so should your child’s celebration of success.

Some states require that homeschooling families maintain a portfolio for every child in the home education program.

In other states, even if it’s not required, many parents do this anyway.

What is a student portfolio?

Simply put, a portfolio is a compilation of materials that represent a student’s learning over some period of time – usually one “school year”. The purpose of the portfolio can be either to satisfy legal requirements or to document and remember the kinds of activities that took place that year.

If a portfolio is legally required, the laws will dictate what must be included.

If a portfolio is being used for any other reason, you can put anything you like inside.

Examples of portfolio materials include:

samples of student work, dated, from throughout the year

special projects, like artwork or term papers, that have been completed

photographs of places a student has visited, or of projects too bulky to fit in a portfolio

a list of books read, videos watched, or other educational activities worthy of note

anything else you’d like to remember, or want to keep track of for future reference

Remember, if a portfolio is needed to meet a legal requirement, be sure that all of the necessary pieces are included. If the portfolio is used more for record-keeping or as a family keepsake, the sky is the limit as to what you can place inside!