Posts Tagged ‘funeral’

If I were to ask you, “What are you doing with your life?” right this moment….how would you answer? Let me ask it another way, What are you living for? What gets you up out of bed and pushes you to do what you do? Why are you doing it? Are you simply on the treadmill of life, working a job every day…paying bills, waiting for that call to glory?

I only ask because so often many of us get trapped in this cycle of repetition and lose focus on the stuff that really matters in life.

As a woman, I’ve definitely relied on what the world has conditioned me to think was important for me and my life. I followed a plan. Not too risky, not too pathetic but just right as to not be judged or ridiculed by what society says is a worthy style of living. You know, tip-toe carefully around really living out loud.

Who wants to step on anyone’s toes? Not me.

From a graveside, I heard a gentleman describe his life in 10 year chunks. He was reflecting back on his relationship with his mother. She had been dead 10 years at this point and he reminisced about what life looked like when she was alive. He was B U S Y! He was on the hustle. He worked very long hours, he met with tons of clients and he spent hours on the phone with people who really have no connection to him or his life other than work. As he thought back, he realized most every person from that time period of his life were completely gone from his life. As in, no longer associated with through work or otherwise. They were gone. Not gone as in death, just gone. Many aren’t even in business anymore.

The person who mattered most to him during that time, his mother….she was gone too. Breast cancer ravaged her body and she passed away when he was 31 years old. He admits, he spent time with her and called her on the regular but many of those instances, he was pre-occupied or on the phone talking work. She always loved his visits, enjoyed every bit of him when he was around and was certainly understanding of work stuff.

Probably like many of you & me.

Work is work. It hogs up time. But, geez…we have to work. Bills don’t pay themselves. Not many of us are rolling around in dollar bills that afford us to just do whatever we want every day.

Truthfully? Even if we were able to do that, many of us would choose other things over the most important people in our lives anyway.

Imagine with me, if you passed away today….look at the first 3 rows of people sitting at your funeral. Who are they? Why are they there? Did you love them well? Did you give them your undivided attention and time? Do they know how much you loved them? Did you push them aside to chase other things? Things that don’t matter so much now?

I will tell you, the last 2 years of my life have given me such a different perspective on life. I never realized how much I took for granted until it was slowly yanked away. For me, no one I love passed away….only a job loss. Through that process, I’ve come to value the people in my life much more carefully than the pretty house, porch….flowers and freedom I once thought was so great.

Don’t misunderstand, stuff isn’t bad and neither is working hard a negative thing. Scripture is clear that we are to work and earn what we get in this life. The people in our lives, deserve to know how much we love them.

I see clearly the people in the first 3 rows of my life & death. They are there because of me. They loved me and I will make it my priority to make sure they know of my love for them. All the things of this world will pass away, so will the people. How well you and I love, how we’ve made others feel and the time we’ve invested will not fade away.

6 ways to show your first 3 rows people you love them:

1. Give them your time.

2. Be trustworthy.

3. Allow room for faults.

4. Speak up. Say meaningful words.

5. Forgive quickly.

6. Hug and hold tight. Physical touch is powerful.

Lord,
I’m here on this earth for a reason. Help me to show YOUR LOVE and my own love to everyone you place in my path.
Amen

When my mother passed away the summer of 2013 I had no idea what it would mean to me to have so many visitors come by and tell me what she meant to them. I was in a bit of turmoil inside and I wasn’t sure how to handle any of the arrangements for this woman who loved and lived so hard. She was my mother but she was also a lot of other things to many people while she was alive. I worried I couldn’t honor her properly with the state of my mind.

Do you know why we have funerals? We have funerals to publicly acknowledge the reality of the death of our loved one and to give testimony to that person’s life. It’s also the launching pad for our mourning which catapults us into a sort of grief reconciliation. All fancy words that equal healing.

Death leaves us reeling for understanding though. Even believers who know the promised truth of eternity with those who share their faith in Christ experience the painful ache of losing a loved one. Which brings me to mourning together.

When my husband’s Papaw passed away 26 years ago, people and cars were lined up as if a famous celebrity had died. The church was packed! He was beloved in our small town. His life was valued by many, not just us. We were blown away by the love and support shown to us in honor of our Papaw. The strength we gained through those who joined us to mourn his death was incredible. We also felt a physical love that cannot be described.

We need the support of friends and family. We cannot grieve properly without it. In the book of Job, Job’s friends heard about all the tragedies happening in his life and immediately set out to support him. They traveled from their prospective homes and the story says when they were getting close they saw him and he didn’t even look like himself. His grief, his pain was so distressing that they also stopped and broke down as well.

The story goes on that these friends sat with him for seven days and seven nights….in silent agony. Mourning.

I’ve thought so many times that I was all alone in my pain over my husband’s job loss. Truth is, no one wants to listen to the depressing reality of someone else’s troubles. It’s a drag to be around someone hurting like that. It’s easier to just avoid them.

Mourning doesn’t just happen in death. This world is full of hurting people with real life problems. Health issues, depression, family struggles, financial ruin, broken hearts, homelessness, job loss, loneliness and more. Real problems that break the heart and isolate the hurting from the love and support of others.

This is why we must mourn with those around us. Mourning alongside someone assures them that they’re not alone in their struggle. Like Job’s friends, mourning with someone might be in the form of just quietly sitting nearby. Some mourning might be done listening to them talk it out. Or even physical, you may have to literally hold someone while they cannot hold their own self upright. God knows how to use each of us if we are willing to be used.

I don’t know who in your life needs you but I bet you do. Don’t miss the chance to love and support someone who is mourning — your help may be all they receive.

For the last few months my hubby has been in a sort of negotiation situation with a new life insurance company. At 48, (we know) the reality is that anything can happen at anytime and being prepared is the only way for true peace of mind.

Except, it’s pretty unnerving to do such a task and not feel weirdly emotional about it. Who wants to plan for death? No one, that’s who. People are irreplaceable and there is no amount of money that can bring them back or take away the pain of their loss.

For me (and many others like me), I wouldn’t be able to pay my current bills (since I have no real job) if my husband suddenly passed away. Not a good position to be in, yet it is my real life situation. For the last 10 or so years, I’ve felt secure knowing he had a policy in place to help us (our kids and me) get back on our feet for a period of time if something happened. But, that policy ran its course and we were left with nothing. Nada. Hence, the new policy shopping.

Picking a dollar amount that will sustain the person left behind can be grueling and awkward. In my thinking, since I’m a bit out of the dating and marrying age….I’m looking at living alone and on my own for a long time. My husband’s salary is a bit out of reach for me and the debt, mortgage and more is enough to throw me into a deep depression. Insurance offers a comfort that cannot be taken away even when our loved one has.

After the death of my mother, I see how important being prepared for the ones left behind really is. Nothing was in place and it left me scrambling. The stress of losing her was overshadowed by all the many real life details left for me to figure out after she was gone. Her house, her belongings, her bills….and more overwhelmed me and my family. Life insurance would have prevented a lot of the stress and a plan could have helped me navigate through all the little details. I didn’t have room for choices and I didn’t have time to think through a big plan after the fact. I just had to do what I could and leave it at that. It was painful.

So, in light of what you know…. are you prepared? Is your family covered by an insurance policy? Do you live thinking, “It won’t happen to me?”. I hope not. This past weekend, my Florida family buried a young husband and father who died suddenly without warning from a heart-attack at 34. No one is promised another day. Not being prepared is terrible planning on our part.

Do yourself and your loved ones the honor of having your life and death in order. Nothing can bring you or me back…..but taking care of them financially is a loving legacy to leave behind.