Change

Friendsgiving has been lurking around since 2007; it’s now becoming well-known name and likely a new holiday. It reclaims a holiday for people who, during the Thanksgiving season, can’t get to family; don’t want to be with family and those that don’t have family. In my neighborhood, we’ve called them, for lack of a better word, Thanksgiving orphans. It doesn’t take away from the traditional holiday; it adds a new dimension to it. It underscores the value of friends.

I must admit I was getting tired of going to my relatives. They served the same-old foods, nothing for the vegetarian except vegetables with no imagination or too much cheese. My other aunt used to make a complete vegetarian dinner along with the turkey, for the vegetarians next door. I didn’t realize you could eat anything but turkey on Thanksgiving Day. There were the relatives who drank far too much and told the same-old stories over and over. There were also the ones I just didn’t like.

WHY NOT HOLD A FRIENDSGIVING PARTY IN YOUR STORE AND RAISE SOME MONEY FOR YOUR CUSTOMER’S FAVORITE CHARITY!

The other day I asked my neighbors where they were going; they said a Friendsgiving party and would be back for Thanksgiving. I gave them a big smile; I was in the know!

In order to connect with your customers, you’ve got to know where they are and what they’re doing. If you’re not part of something, how will you know? Friendsgiving is not a way to forget Thanksgiving; it’s a way to add something new. Friendsgiving legitimizes something we’ve known all along—friends matter. It’s also a new way to celebrate and create a tradition.

Friends are important, no matter what your age. They make you feel better, can improve yourself-esteem and have an overall positive effect on your life. I have one friend whom I speak with almost every night; sometimes we just discuss what movies are playing. As you age, you can expect to lose friends. My dad told me to start hanging around with younger people, this way I wouldn’t be losing friends every year!

The Millenniums are breaking the rules, how they shop, what they buy and what matters to them. They are very connected to their friends and are willing to put effort into building these relationships. According to statistics, this group is also the most connected to real ‘giving.’

I’ve been holding Friendsgiving for years; I’m glad it has a name! Enjoy your holiday whatever its name!

Lisbeth has been helping businesses build customer relationships for over 20 years. To consult with her, call 518.495.5380 or email Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com.

I keep hearing the customer has changed how we cope with them. Think about it, we’re talking about ourselves. It’s been a slow transition, so slow that we really haven’t noticed. We are so stressed out thinking about what we have to learn about our customers, we forget how we’ve changed. If you examine your path , you won’t be so stressed about the customers.

Let’s start with your phone. What type of phone are you using? When did you finally give up your ‘flip phone?’ Several of my friends still have a flip phone and are adamant about not changing. It makes me think, am I that stubborn? It’s hard to give up something we’re used to; if you’re still using your flip phone, you might examine what you’re missing.

Do you prefer texting to talking on the phone? I find it less intrusive, and I can reply quickly. The same people with the flip phones think that texting is ‘impersonal.’ Texting gives an additional way to get in touch, and it’s often easier. Have you asked your customers what they prefer? Let’s not assume we know, let’s ask them. If they prefer a phone call, honor it. Again, it’s not because they’re old they don’t want to give up what makes them comfortable.

Do you still have a fax machine or do you scan and email? I had to return a document to a national company, and they asked me to fax it. I told them I got rid of my fax machine three years ago and scanning is easier. They were insistent I fax. They didn’t have a reason other than the fact: “That’s how we do it.” Are you still telling customers ‘that’s how we do it?’ Is it time for you to move forward and make some changes?

Are people asking why you’re texting the person next to you? Often texting to someone during a meeting is a smart thing to do. It’s better than interrupting the speaker and what you have to say is essential. Isn’t it great that you can actually communicate without interrupting the rest of the world?

Are you still using the same-old lines, can I help you? Today it’s more appropriate to ask the customer what they’ve seen online that they like. It’s a short cut to understanding how they shop. My experience is that salespeople still ask how they can help you when we know the whole world is online before going into a brick and mortar store. Help the customer cut their shopping time in half, find out what they already know.

Communication is the key to all of our transactions; nothing has changed. What has change is technology and how it is impacting our world? The more you learn about technology the less stressed you will be.

The question is how much pain do we have to endure to change a behavior? Even if the behavior is really destructive we have trouble changing.

My friend was given a gorgeous, glass dining room set ; it’s quite large with six chairs. It is actually too big for her kitchen but it was free. It is so large, that every time she has to get to the refrigerator; she hits her back end on the corner of the glass table. She actually has several large bruises from the dining room table. Why wouldn’t she want to lose that weight?

Let me give you the rest of the story. My friend is my height, 4’11” and weighs 155 pounds. Twenty years ago, she weighed 110, like me. The doctor told her that she was ‘obese,’ and said it was paramount that she lose weight. My friend continues to complain about why she can’t lose weight, but that’s another story.

Why don’t we change when it’s obviously in our best interest?

I know when I don’t go to the gym I feel lousy. Lousy because I say that physical fitness is the cornerstone of my life and I’m violating my standards. Regular exercise is how I live my life.

I also think about my health and the long term effects of not exercising. The other day someone said, “Have a piece of pizza.” To which I replied, “It’s not on my menu.” To this they replied, “It’s only one time, you don’t do it every day.”

If you’re not changing, and want to, you might look at the source of the pressure. Is it someone else telling you it would be a good idea if you changed? Is your doctor telling you to lose weight. Obviously health is not really a priority for her even though she works in the health field. She obviously, like so many of us, doesn’t think about the the outcome of long term obesity. Is it better to have diabetes and high blood pressure?

If change is on your horizon, but you can’t seem to get there, examine your motives and have a serious talk talk with yourself. Ask yourself, is your change part of your values or someone else’s?

If the values don’t belong to you, that’s why you’re not changing. If you still want to change, you have lots of work to do.
Lisbeth Calandrino has been helping businesses institute change for over 20 years. If there’s something you would like to change in your business or personal life, contact Lisbeth for a heart-to-heart chat.

I may sound angry, I am. I’m tired of people’s excuses about getting fit.

Don’t be surprised if you see an overwhelming number of ads today on fitness and weight loss. Yep, today’s the day. This is the day most of us will feel guilty about what we ate over the holidays. Not that we’ll do anything about it, it’s just we feel awful. In fact, we might even join the gym.

According to Darren Beattie, Fitness Coach; only 16% of the population in America has a health club membership. The rest of that 50 million may belong to yoga, martial arts, Pilates, or alternative clubs.

My gym is so busy I think that everyone goes there. However, it’s not so. January is when most of us go on a health kick, and the stats reflect this. Apparently 12 per cent of all gym members’ sign up to gyms in January, yet these memberships seem to be short-lived and, according to the Fitness Industry Association, after just 24 weeks most people have quit or stopped attending. Do they expect they will get healthier by doing nothing?

There’s only one thing that makes this work; it’s your ability to take responsibility for yourself and what you do. Nothing annoys me more than listening to people talk about how they couldn’t stop themselves from overeating. It’s such crap. Stop blaming everyone else for your inability to lose weight. If you’re not losing weight, it’s likely because you continue to make bad decisions. If you want to eat donuts, do it but don’t expect to lose weight.

I talked to my friend today about her weight-loss program. She is tracking her walking and holding herself accountable. She says it makes all the difference in the world. She excitedly told me she had had completed 70 work outs, and now she looks forward to them.

Here’s what works for her.

“Don’t say I can’t have that for the rest of my life!” Instead say, I can have it later.” (Most likely you won’t’ want it!)

“Keep the big picture in mind but set small goals.”

You are responsible for your own life period. No one makes you do anything or makes you eat. It’s like no one can make you sad or happy, you choose either one.

If you want to lose weight, you will have to give up your overindulgence in carbs. Most people do well for about four weeks, and then they give up. What is it with people? They can’t make a big sacrifice to give up junk food to get healthy and look better?

I listen to people talk about how hard it is to lose weight, and I just walk away. STOP with the excuses; if you want to lose weight stop eating, it’s simple. I didn’t say easy, I said simple. If you want a treat have it once a month not every day!!

You didn’t put all the weight on in three weeks so what makes you think you can take it off in three weeks?

What makes you think you can keep it off after the three weeks by going back to old habits?

If you want something to change you have to change it and stop fooling yourself. There are people who really have a tough time; they come back from the war without limbs and can barely walk. However, they make it their business to get fit, work extra hard, compete and cause a change in their lives. That’s who we should be looking at for motivation.

One of my pet peeves is people who say they “walk” for exercise. To them, it means walking to the grocery store and back. How does this become exercise? We have legs that take us to the grocery store but don’t mistake this for exercise. There are people in this world who have to forge for food, walk miles in blazing heat just to live, and they do it. That’s exercise.

You can continue over eating and get one of those life threatening diseases that could be prevented by keeping your weight down and staying fit. What we’re talking about is living and staying healthy. It’s your life, either do it or stop talking about it.

Do I dare say, Happy New Year?

Lisbeth has been helping businesses build changes in their organizations for over 20 years. To schedule a consultation, reach her at Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com.

As I was leaving my Pilates class today, a friend and I started to talk about life. We were sharing how much we love Lois’s Sunday Pilates class at the Y and how motivated we felt after class. Lois is not only a good teacher; she has what we call, “a great soul.” Life is important to her.

My friend said she felt she had an “obligation to be positive and enjoy life.” I laughed and said, “That sounds like another job and I don’t know if I want one.” We laughed and she went further.

“I think about the present and don’t go to the future. This way, I always invest in whatever the moment brings. I want my children to understand how important the present is. What do you think,” she asked?

First I shared the story about my next door neighbor who was absent at our “porch” get together last night. When someone asked where he was, his wife said he was sulking because he had a birthday the next day. Apparently he had a melt down and went to bed. I thought, Is that a luxury or a disease?

(Wow, what a great conversation we are having in the “Y” parking lot. This will make today worth remembering. )

I, like many, often fight to live in the present. It’s easy to think ahead to next week; friends I’m going to see or my Sunday Pilates class. If you reflect on it, today is the day you looked forward to last week. I told her if I don’t stay with today, it has very little meaning. It’s like devaluing the day, and I forget to put my effort into enjoying the day and making it wonderful. Isn’t it a terrible way to use up a precious day?

We all know what it’s like to lose someone we love or something that was important to us. If we invest in the present, we will know we’ve loved the best we can and something great is bound to come out of it. We just have to make it happen.

It doesn’t matter how simple or magnificent the day is; it may be just enjoying the rain.

If we’re lucky, today will come so why not make it the best day ever? When you think about it, life is just a series of experiences linked together by our thoughts about them. Like a string of pearls, they surround our being.

Let’s focus on having them free rather than strangle us. Okay, she did say let’s go kayaking after one of our classes. Just having the conversation was good; we do need things to look forward too.

If you do the best you can for today, you’ll never be disappointed in yourself.

Whether you’re in the market to sell yourself or your business you will have to build your brand. Your brand is what makes you unique—it’s what makes you.

Mark Zuckerberg in his “hoodie.”

When I mention “hoodie” who do you think of? Could it be Mark Zuckerberg? He took hoodie to another level.

Don’t forget clean underwear.

My mom used to say, “Your reputation is all you have.” In those days it means a “good” reputation. These days I’m not sure if it has to be good. You just need a reputation!

Alex from Target, no longer unknown.

Building your brand isn’t easy. There’s lots of competition and everyday there’s a new unknown who’s become famous. Last week, Alex was a 16 year old cashier at Target, overnight he became a celebrity with 300,000 followers on Twitter. Someone snapped a photo of him, and it went viral. He says he still doesn’t ’ know what has happened but there’s the buzz that it was a PR stunt from Target. It doesn’t matter, 30 days ago he was an unknown, know he is being represented by Shahidi, who is guiding him on next steps. We now have a brand called “Alex.” Alex was wearing a red Target shirt; I don’t think it was the shirt that made him famous. It was probably his innocent good looks. Here’re some ideas for building your own brand.

No matter what you do, you need your own personal brand to be remembered. If you’re in the sales business, you need customers to remember who you are. I remember I had a salesperson that was known as “the really tall, good looking salesperson.” He was 6 feet tall and definitely good looking. It got him lots of repeat business.

Here are some ideas for building your brand.

“A ship is safe in the harbor but that’s not where it belongs.”

Be bold. Take a shot, don’t be afraid to be you and stand out. Your boldness may be your clothes, your hobby or your blog. It might be your haircut. Blogs have made many people famous.

Practice “random acts of kindness.” We always remember people who are nice to others. It never hurts to be kind.

Recognize opportunities.

Get known for working hard and doing an excellent job. This will also make you feel good about yourself.

Have fun.

Be fun, don’t take everything so seriously. I was lucky enough to work with Madeline Kahn in the 50’s. We were both college students working in a hotel in the Catskills; she was a singer and I was a waitress. In the afternoons, she used to dress up as Greta Garbo; a famous vamp from the 20’s and lounged around the pool.

Madeline Kahn, “Blazing Saddles.”

One day, the owner came out and yelled at her, “His line, Madeline; you have to get serious if you’re going to be a star!”

If you’ve ever seen “Blazing Saddles” you know she was silly and became a star.

Listen up.

Listen to others. A good listen that isn’t critical is always remembered. You don’t have to be a social worker; you just need a kind ear.

Albert Einstein said he wasn’t smart, he was curious.

See yourself as entrepreneurial. Being entrepreneurial with interesting ideas will always help your brand.

Take a chance.

As Dr. Seuss said, “Be who you are and way what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Lisbeth Calandrino has been a business consultant for over 20 years. To speak with her about your business or have her train your employees, reach her at Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com. She lives in Historic Hudson Park with her cat, Rainyday.

“Arguably, the financial shocks of 2008 were bigger than those of 1929. The outcome was not as disastrous because the policy responses were quite different,” said Jeffrey Shafer, a former Federal Reserve and Treasury official.

What happened in 2008 is worth remembering. If you were like me, you were surprised by the turn of events, but maybe we shouldn’t have been. Without much business, I turned to Craig’s list to reach out.

My ad read: “I’m creating my own mastermind group of unemployed smart people. I am over 40, don’t understand social media but am an unstoppable entrepreneur willing to share what I know.”

Six people showed up that week ages 23 to 70 with the enthusiasm of 40! We laughed, cooked, drank some wine and shared our stories. We vowed to help each other forge new paths. In our own ways, we were struggling. We had all come from successful careers, but 2008 had changed all of our circumstances. We listened, learned and offered advice. To this day, all of us except one remain close friends. When I got sick with cancer again in 2010, my new friends were around to help. it was the best piece of networking I had ever done.

Whether 2008 was the worst or not, it definitely had an impact on most of us. I don’t know if what I was experiencing was a prelude to the recession but there were unsettling signs in my world. When “bad” things happen, there are those that stick their head in the sand and those that stay on course.

For years, I saw business training declining in my industry. Several of my large customers were downsizing their employees, and it was obvious that something was happening to the consumer. I saw signs of a general “pulling back” and did very little about it. Could I have protected my investments? I don’t know. Large financial institutions were disappearing, and the mortgage industry was going crazy.

My friends were losing their homes and their businesses. I didn’t lose my home or have to file bankruptcy. My mother’s recollection of the Great Depression has never left my mind. It produced a “scarcity mentality” that in many ways has infiltrated my decision making.

Her advice, “Learn how to take care of yourself because no one else will; a scary piece of advice to a nine-year-old.”

The crash has left me with a new perspective about life and doing business. Times are still uncertain, and you don’t want to be on the receiving end of another disaster. Take these tips and weave them into your own life.

1. Stay in touch with the world. There are so many ways to get information these days; don’t ignore trends and what’s going on. Keep yourself and business “as cash rich as you can. Want to make an investment? You can buy a house, fix it up and resell it. Real estate still works.

2. Make your new motto, “change.” The world is moving faster than ever, decide you will go with it and not get in the way!

3. Learn how to network in this day and age. I’ve never been interested in working at the community garden but will teach customer service skills to not- for- profits and small businesses for free. I find it’s better than going to networking events. I keeps me sharp and forces me to continue to read and strategize.

4.Become an avid reader and follow successful people. Like me, many people ignored the signs of the crash. Is there something you are ignoring now? Ask questions, find out what is going on in your community and be part of it.

5. Learn everything you can about your customer. Are you going to training, taking classes and getting smarter? One short book to read is “ZMOT: The Zero Moment of Truth.” It’s Google’s rendition of what the customer is doing.

Who knows more than Google?

Are you interested in a two day seminar: Sales and Product Knowledge/Design? 9/23-9/24, 2014 Burlington, Vermont. For more information and to sign up, go to Mohawk University.

Are you uncomfortable saying no when requests come your way? Are you afraid if you disagree that you will be starting a conflict, or that you will antagonize some folks?

All of us at one time or another is uncomfortable disagreeing with the masses.We’re afraid our opinion might be very unpopular and lead us into uncharted waters. Piling your already filled plate can have devastating effects on your health. Although saying “no” might not be the easiest, in the long run it’s the best for you. Just because others can juggle 10 or 12 things on their plate doesn’t make you less effective because you can’t.

Sometimes it’s tough to determine what you should do and what you should give up. If you find you are continually saying yes to too many things, it’s time for you to use the “no” word.

Each of us has commitments. obligations, and priorities that determine our daily life. Often time these priorities are important to you and no one else. I rarely tell people how much time I spend at the gym; to most people they think it’s a waste of time or wonder why I do it. Some people watch football, play golf or shop. If I have my way, I’ll take the gym over television. As they say, “that’s the way I roll.” I was in Dick’s the other day and I heard a voice behind me say, “I’ll get that for your shorty.” It turned out to be one of the body builders from my gym. We both admitted we wished we had an unlimited budget so we could wear just cool workout clothes and hang around the gym!

When do you need to say no? How about when you are trading your priorities for someone else’s—period? If their priority is more important than yours; by all means do it.

How should you say no? How about just “no.” The word “no” has real power. Don’t be afraid to use it, in fact practice using it! Stop with the wimpy, “I’m not sure” or “I don’t think I can.” This leaves it open or a possible yes later.

If you’re used to saying “yes” all the time then saying “no” may be very difficult. But adding a few “no’s” will keep your stress level down and simplify your life.

Lisbeth Calandrino has been coaching business owners for over 20 years. If you need help simplifying your life, Lisbeth can be reached at Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com.

No matter how many times I heard the expression, watch out for the horses’s hind legs, I never took it too seriously.

To this day, I can remember turning my back on the horse and getting kicked!

Despite the warning it seemed to be an unavoidable happening.

Despite the pain, it was never enough to get me to focus on the horse’s back legs.I was too caught up in riding the horse.

When the equivalent problems come along, businesses handle it the identical way. Despite the problem, they don’t seem to learn from it. Sure enough, a second kick is around the corner.

There is another expression that goes with it; it’s called ‘ learning from experience’. Rarely do we learn from experience. It just doesn’t work.

People learn from an ‘evaluation of their experiences,’ not the experience itself. Most people are so happy to be out of the situation that they forget the experience. This brings me back to the second kick from the mule.

Our experiences use up our time and ultimately, our life. What could be more valuable?

I wrote a speech about life being like tiny pearls strung together and my writer friend Shelia Carmody added her twist. Her thoughts, “The more you invest in what life has to offer, the shinier your pearls!”

Why have plain pearls when you can have shiny ones?

How can you learn from your experiences: (Karen Keller has some interesting thoughts on learning from experience.)

Be clear about the experience. Not the one you made up but the one you had. Rather than seeing things the way they are, we make the experience into what we want it to be. No wonder it comes out wrong. How can you learn from an experience that never really existed. The experience was the one we wanted not the one we had.

Be open to learning. You’ve all looked at the photo which contains one old woman and one young woman. At first, you may see nothing, but if you turn the photo upside down, you see two photographs. Be willing to look at the situation from another angle. (If you haven’t seen this, it’s worth a look.)

People get so invested in making up their experience rather than dealing with what it is.

Write down what you’re doing and thinking. Ask yourself, does it make sense? Am I looking at it clearly? When you write your experiences down, you’re likely to see a pattern. Stay focused and don’t lose these important lessons.

Lastly, consider change your friend not your enemy. Many people are afraid to change. If you let your imagination loose, it will run wild with you. I have a friend who can go from a rainstorm to a tornado in about five seconds flat. I’ve been talking with my friends’ about the upcoming storm, and their reactions are interesting. A friend asked if I would take her to the grocery store to get water before the stores ran out. In her mind, the storm was already here, and she was out of water.

Talk about getting ahead of yourself.

Lisbeth Calandrino helps businesses build loyal relationships with their customers. She does this through customer service training and retention marketing.