The issue with Shawn and I was a miscommunication(which I am still
not sure what Shawn was trying to communicate to me). I felt Shawn was
threatened by wrestling
and he was reacting by trying trying to take away
from everything but him in this fear, whether there is any truth there
or notit is what I felt.
I tried talking this out and (at the time) felt like
my
explaining myself was hurting him and I did not want to deal
with the
fights that was
going to bring. He had made it clear that he hated wrestling
and that he wanted me to do it, he seemed very rock
solid about this. I was
not going to be able to deal with Shawn constant degrading
of wrestling
(which did happen) and be able to make him
feel non-threatened by it at
the same time, seeing the training and the questioning of it was very
stressful. This
put me in a very confused place where I saw only one
solution. Leave Shawn alone for the remainder of wrestling
season, some
time alone was all that was making sense(at the time).
Since then, training has calmed down for me quite much and
I have been
able to simply enjoy wrestling and matches(which is the only
reason
I have ever done the sport). None-the-less, there could have
been a much
better way of
going about this, I am very sorry to Shawn and am not
really sure how to appologize/explain
everything
to him

"I really want to focus all my energy
in Shawn right now.
What he means by "pre-wrestling Aaron" is when
stress and
wrestling
don't bring out my psychological disorders. A+"
i feel so alone now. i love shawn more than anything,
i can't stop crying. i am nothing without .shawn help
me ,
i have no one.
A+

Shawn, I really have no Idea how to word this...
I am
very worried about you... I know you think I have
abandoned you but I haven't, I miss you so much...
For the first time since Christmas I am crying, I
really miss you now.. I love you, whether you believe
my actions prove it or not. I don't know where you
are or if you will even read this but I am sorry for
what I have done... I am sorry for being confused, I
just wish I could be more like you.. I am "sober" and
it hurts to know it...

Why did I have to be so ignurant to what I knew was
right??? Why can't I see past my own cold parts???
When will I be better??? What can I do to make you
come back???