Thursday, August 20, 2009

any time i see a photo of something i like on the internet, i’ll drag it over to my desktop – you know, for future reference.

which is why my desktop looks like this.

i have folders too. i sort things when the desktop mess gets really bad. there’s actually only 2 internet-inspiration folders, so you would think i could just sort it from the beginning and avoid the mess altogether, but whatever.

there are lots of pretty things on the internet these days.quilts.photos.hand-addressed envelopes.you name it.

finding pretty things usually make my heart do a little leap for joy[especially the wedding things. i love weddings].

but not today.

in fact, today, it made me sad. and a little disappointed in myself

disappointed to the point of needing to give myself a serious reprimand.

jana, why are you saving pictures of coconut cookies with lemon-cream filling instead of making them yourself?

why are you spending time perusing galleries of others’ beautiful photographs instead of going outside and taking some of your own?

and remember that goal you had of finishing a new painting each week? yeah, not working out too well.

i know that sometimes i am just a little too hard on myself. i need to take a deep breath and remember that i'm only 21. i'm still a student. but that's just how i am. i have high expectations - especially for myself.

i guess i need to find a happy balance - between admiring the work of others and creating something myself that deserves admiration as well.

maybe i’m in a creative rut. or an originality rut. or just some kind of a rut. and i feel like ruts are never a good thing.

maybe that's why i've made blogging my outlet of choice lately.

[i think i heard my mom call me an ocd blogger the other day. sad.]

so how do i snap out of it? keep finding pretty things until i get my mojo back? find a vat of creativity to dive into? that would be quite convenient, actually.

i don’t really know. but what i do know is that when i get back to utah, i need to get my act together.

so here’s to another few days left in my vacation.

a few more days to soak up inspiration and hopefully find whatever it is i feel like i’ve been missing.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

he keeps his own bees and harvests the honey himself. he has the silly beekeeper outfit and everything.

[it really isn't silly. it's quite practical. it just looks silly.]

he has chickens too. we never buy eggs from the store anymore.

these are things i miss when i'm away at school.

i have to go to the store to get eggs if i realize i don't have any for breakfast. when i'm home, my dad will run out to the garden and grab some for me.

when i'm home, i don't have to think about buying vegetables. when my dinner needs a little more color and nutrients, i'll grab a zucchini or squash from the pile on the counter - cut it up, and throw it in a pan [with lots of butter]. voila. vegetables.

i'll be posting more photos in the very near future. as well as sharing some details on getting a free photo session like erin's family here. i just felt the need to post a favorite from the weekend :)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

lucky for my camera, and for me, i'm heading down to san diego this weekend for 6 family photo sessions. yes, 6. and i am oh so excited.

i've been going through a photography drought the past little while and it hurts my heart just a little bit.

when i first got my 'big girl' camera, as i like to call it, i took photos of everything. and i mean everything. my brother sitting on the couch, half of a pomegranate on the counter, 'vote yes on prop 8' signs in our front yard, you name it. somewhere in the past 10 months that enthusiasm for documenting through photographs has waned. i sometimes even find myself bringing my camera to certain events, only to leave and realize i didn't even pull it out of the camera bag.

does anyone else have this problem?

i am quite frequently the queen of designating myself as photographer for family events and what not, but i never manage to be in any of the photos myself. and to be honest, there are still lots of photo opportunities that i miss out on. especially since i've moved to utah and i spend a majority of my time with friends and/or people i date.

thanks to this little problem of mine, i couldn't really find any new photos to post. so i went digging through the archives.

and i found this one.

i'm pretty sure i snapped it during the first week with my new camera, and it is still one of my favorites. no set up, no posing, no reflectors. just my darling little niece in her birthday suit.

i also decided to brush the dust off of my photography watermark. [actually that's a lie, because i changed it a little bit. so technically it's new - no dust.]

how do we feel about it?

watermarks bring on this internal struggle for me. i know it sounds very dramatic, but it's partially true. i sometimes feel like it makes me seem a little too confident in my photography abilities. other times, i feel like it looks much more professional. but then i think, 'am i even a professional?' i don't want to trick anyone into thinking that i am, if i'm not...

but a little while ago, my dad told me this:

'jana, you became a professional photographer the minute someone first paid you to take their picture.'

and you know what? he is right.

people want to pay me to take their pictures, that means i must be kind of good at what i do, right?

no, i am good at what i do. i feel good about what i do. and maybe that means i shouldn't be so self-conscious about putting my name on my work.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

remember when i used to write letters to lots all different kinds of people and things? yes, sometimes things... well, i miss that.

dear sunday,

i'm sorry it's 2am and i'm still not in bed. also, i wish you didn't come so early because i needed to go to the store to get ice cream for the cake i made for tomorrow. oh well, we'll have cake and milk.

dear body,

we really need to get your sleeping schedule back on track before school starts. really, we do.

dear scary movies,

we need to break up. actually, we were never together. but pretty much, i just don't like you. and i can't watch you. why? because i involuntarily saw a 3 minute preview for one of your kind on friday and it gave me a nightmare. a bad one! and i prefer to only dream about happy things. so i'm severing ties forever.

dear provo city library,

you did not have any of the books i wanted check out. so i went and bought one instead.

dear banana republic,

i decided that you're my favorite. i'm still only going to buy your sale items though.

dear martha stewart,

i have a fabulous plan. how about you hire me as food stylist, or something awesome, it doesn't really matter what... then, you'll realize that i am a creative genius, hypothetically adopt me as your daughter, and let me take over your empire when you're ready to give it up. that's just a rough sketch, but fabulous plan, right?

dear roommate brittany,

so glad that you're back. thanks for feng shui-ing the living room. it looks wonderful.

dear utah,

your dry air is cracking my heels. stop that. it makes me feel like an old lady. and what's with the random rain/wind storms in august?

Monday, August 3, 2009

simply make a wish in the comment section below and i will pick a winner on wednesday night.

there isn't even any fine print. the painting will be at the winner's door as soon as fedex can get it there. BUT... there is a way to increase your odds.

1. if you feel like posting about this giveaway on your blog and leaving a link to said post in the comment section, i'll enter your name twice. this isn't mandatory for entry though, so don't worry.

2. if you already left a comment about my dandelions on any of my previous posts, i'll enter your name an extra time as well. [because comments make me happy. and i like attention, let's just be honest].

so wish away!

in case you were wondering, i'm wishing for a trip to disneyland soon... what can i say? i just love that place.