Maine Police Publish List of ‘Things You Don’t Need to Tell the Cops’ and It’s Awesome

Police in Bangor, Maine sure have a sense of humor. On Sunday, the department’s official Facebook account posted a list of “Things you don’t need to tell the cops when you are in a public setting,” which is taking the internet by storm.

“Please don’t assume we assume that you are bad person,” the post, written by Lt. Tim Cotton, says.

Some of the tips?

“If you are drunk, you do not need to tell us you are drunk. We can usually tell.”

“If you are not drunk, you don’t need to tell us that either. We know that people consume alcoholic beverages in many settings.”

“Do not point at your friend and say-“He/She did it.” It was funny the first 389 times. Actually only about 4 times, but we are all about fairness.”

Not all of the advice was lighthearted.

“Do not tell your children that we are going to arrest them if they don’t behave. Don’t. Do. That…. You are going to need to work on your parenting skills if this is one of your strategies. Stop it.”

So what do the cops in Bangor like to hear? They gave some examples:

“How are you today?”

“Could you give me directions to_______?”

“You are not wearing too much Old Spice today.”

Lt. Cotton wrote the list with the hope that people will behave themselves and not get all worked up around the police.

“Just some pro-tips to let you know that we are not suspicious of everyone we run into,” he wrote. “We are not.”