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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

She's got the whole world in her pram

Life is a good deal too short to keep up with all the domestic comings and goings in the world of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie but it's difficult to look at these pictures of them arriving at Narita airport in Tokyo with their six small children and not draw the conclusion that these kids are, on some level at least, accessories.

I don't doubt that, like many of us civilians, highly-paid superstars have strong parenting instincts. But to appear with so many children so quickly? Wouldn't such conspicuous procreation be better expressed in the traditional Hollywood way? What about buying a load of cars and helping the stricken auto industry? We know you can do things that us mere mortals can not but is there really a call to rub our noses in it this way?

When I look at pictures like this I like to play the mental game that I call Just Out Of Shot. In this case Just Out Of Shot must be at least three full-time nannies, a phalanx of wide wheel-base buggies, mum's make-up artist and hairdresser, dad's personal trainer and porters pushing along trollies piled high with their possessions.

LOOK at the amount of coordination of their wardrobes....!! That must have taken a team of people. And, most of the kids have coats and hats on! None of that "It's below freezing. Put a bloody coat on if you are going out" nonsense for the Pitts. Obvioulsy got some hired muscle on that one.

I like the reference to 'civilians' - wasn't it Liz Hurley who popularized that term for non-celebs? And I believe 'pedestrians' is favored by Gwyneth Paltrow. And they are both right on - we non-celebs bumble around getting caught in the crossfire of an ever more intense battle between the Beautiful People to out-do each other. Best keep our heads down.

"That's fine for a civilian" - brilliant and cruel. Other things that are fine for civilians, I'd wager, include not being photogenic, wearing the same clothes more than twice, mortgages, and living somewhere in which the line of the horizon is not deemed a boundary with your neighbor's place.