Tuesday, December 28, 2010

It's not been easy at all, but somehow, someway you learn to cope with the loss. And through tragedy I found love, hope and peace with LW. Six months after I lost my Mom, LW walked into my life and never once looked back. For he too can relate....he lost his Father, in a terrible car accident, 44 years earlier. While he never got to know his Father (he was 1 when he passed), there's nothing like an empty space in your heart.

I'm not going to be sad today. I know my Mom would not want that. I will quietly remember her and be grateful for the time I did have with her.

Monday, December 27, 2010

I have to say, it's been one very crazy trying year....emotionally and physically.

Having my hysterectomy in January was the most difficult decision I have ever made. There's nothing that can or ever will take away the pain of not being able to have children. I'm grateful to be pain free in my abdomen area, but there's nothing worse than an eternal broken heart. I know my friends and family probably think I'm okay with not being a mother, but I'm not. Most days I fake it, some days I ask myself why me, but I will never second guess my decision to be pain free. I haven't felt this good physically in years! I guess I just didn't know what a true broken heart felt like.

But I'll be okay. In the new year I'm going to focus less on what I don't have and look to what I do have. Be grateful for having a loving man and two beautiful step daughters, who hopefully appreciate all that I do for them.

Once I was settled and physically healed from surgery, which seemed to take forever, I was on the road to happier times.

LW and I got engaged in May, which was a total suprise! I mean I knew he would eventually ask me, just not in the manner in which he asked and just not at the time he asked me. He caught me completely off guard. I love that about him. He's always surprising me with his love. I can honestly say, I've fallen deeper in love with him this year. Yes we had a difficult summer with his oldest daughter moving home, but we pulled through and came out pretty strong in the end.

Lauren moving home was hard, but we managed and are coasting along just fine now. It was hard for me to adjust to another woman in my house...let alone, someone I would eventually be a step mother too. We don't see too much of her now as she's busy with her life and I know it saddens LW. We need to make a better effort in the coming year to create family time. We can't expect her to want to spend time with us, if we don't try to do the same.

All in all it was a trying year...filled with happy times and sad times, but as the year wraps up, we came out a much stronger family. Our love for each other will pull us through the challenges ahead. I have much to look forward to next year....a wedding, a honeymoon, our first family vacation with Lauren, Lauren moving to her own place...we have loads to be grateful for. I need to get better at reminding myself of that!

Monday, December 20, 2010

This post is in honor of my blogging friend LaVoice, who every Monday hosts "Blue Monday". LV is such a wonderful, caring, compasionate lady. She's over 80 years old and amazes me every day with her blogging and camera skills. I couldn't love her anymore if she were my very own grandmother. Such a treat to know her....even if it is only through blog land.

Friday I came home from work and in my mailbox was this beautiful ornament LV had gotten for me.

I must say it brought tears to my eyes, as it was the most thoughtful, spontaneous gift I have ever received from someone I have not met in person. It honestly reminded me of something my Mom would do for a stranger. My Mom was always the giving type, even when she had nothing to give.

So thank you LaVoice. From the bottom of my heart. I will treasure it always just as I treasure you!

Friday, December 17, 2010

I couldn't wait to show you all my dress so I will show you the picture of the dress from the bridal website.

My dress, however, will NOT have a train and where you see 'tan' on the dress, I will have orange. :-) I'm a lover of all things orange.

I ordered it the week of Thanksgiving so it will take another two months for it to come in. It was a special order.

And here is my Matron of Honor's dress. She will look so beautiful in it. Her dress has already arrived and is home safe and sound with her. She will be wearing a watermelon color (not pictured). which is actually a hot pink color.

We have yet to order the dresses for the girls. Kassidy picked a new color (lime green) that will not be available until January so we had to post pone ordering her dress. And since we posted poned Kassidy's we post poned Lauren's because she wanted to see what new strapless styles are being released in January as well. She has picked a royal purple color.

I'm so excited to see how all of the colors are going to flow together. It's going to be a very bright summer wedding!

Let the planning begin!

LW will be wearing an orange tie to match me and the best man will be wearing watermelon to match the matron of honor.

Life has just gotten in the way! I'm busier (in a good way) then I ever dreamed possible. There's not been much time for lounging....and when that time comes, I'm usually fast asleep as I'm tired as all get out.

I've been working out on a regular basis. I've lost inches, not weight, but I've gained some pretty good muscles. I will rock that strapless wedding dress (I'll post pictures when the dress comes in - takes about three months and I ordered it at Thanksgiving). My arms are thinner, my thighs are thinner, my waist is smaller and my endurance is longer. I'm getting the shape back I had when I was 30. I know it was only 7 and a half years ago, but I seriously did let myself go for awhile there. I think I sank into this deep depression when I got divorced and my Mom died. I'll never fully admit that, but I was a different person then. But now I'm happy, healthy and living life.

The anniversary of my Mom's passing will be here before I know it. December 29th will mark three years I've been without her smile, guidance, and love. Some days are harder than others. There's no lying about that. It's hard when your parents die. A little piece of you goes with them. We've placed a wreath on her grave every year she has been gone and this year all four of us (my siblings) are placing special pine cones on her wreath on Christmas Eve. It's kind of a neat way to keep her in hearts this holiday season. Christmas was my Mom's favorite holiday.

Christmas will be a busy one for us! With two kids home, I hope I can make this a holiday they will never forget. I can't wait to see their faces Christmas morning as they walk down the stairs to see their pile of gifts. And more importantly, I can't wait to see, what is now my family, sitting together, in the livingroom, with the fire going, opening up presents and laughing and crying. Watching LW with his girls will be the best part. He hasn't spent Christmas with the two of them together in about 4 years, so this year will be extra special for him.

I'll leave you with the photos we had taken of the girls in October. Some were Christmas presents, some were placed in our Christmas cards.

If I don't return this week to blog land, I hope each of you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I'll do my best to get to each and everyone of your blogs to wish you a Happy Holiday season.