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Employers around the world are delighted to be given yet another excuse for not paying a Christmas Bonus to employees this year, after the new market uncertainty related to the Brexit situation.

“For years now, we have been using various excuses which have just been sounding a bit old”, said one American Corporate manager. “We used the 9/11 excuse for over 10 years, saying it was out of respect for the dead, then we used various market uncertainties. The recession in 2008 really saved us some money in bonuses. But for a while now, we have been trying to come up with new ideas.”

“My Personal Assistant is already working on wording the email correctly, so that employees will really believe we can’t afford bonuses, just one week after we send an email out to the whole company saying it’s been a record profit year.”

The email is currently set to role out on December 4th. Keep an eye on your inbox.