That whirlpool constantly turns and spirals. I was caught inside for the longest time, trying to fight my way out, but somehow let it suck me down towards the bottom. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom in my life that I realized how far I had fallen. I had taken down my sisters without the slightest intention, and I blame myself every day for it. I'm the reason for Ellie turning to the alternative, why Harley is so shut out.

I did nothing to stop it. I liked it, I liked rock bottom more than I liked living at the top.

After all, they say the road to self destruction isn't quite bad once you're on it.

---ᴥ---

“Eat the cookie.”

I swatted at the hand waving in front of my face, dangling nothing but sugar loaded garbage in it. I could feel the bile rising in my throat from the thought alone. Trying to turn away, I ignored the rather put out look Harley gave me, before she handed the plate over to Sirius and Remus. I had no idea where everyone else went, but they certainly haven't been around for the last while. Most were full after the second round of pancakes, but amazingly enough these two were bottomless pits and survived the three rounds, and are on their second plate of triple (not double or plain) chocolate chip cookies. It was absolutely repulsive.

“Hey, hey Kai!” Sirius said hopefully, looking like a child. He held his cookie up innocently, “Life doesn't matter when you've got a cookie!” He bit into the cookie, taking a large chunk out of the top half.

I couldn't help but giggle, he could be so cute sometimes. But maybe not as cute as Remus.... Okay you didn't hear that from me. In fact, you didn't hear that at all. We're forgetting about the bed incident this morning! We're forgetting right now!

“Or in your case, Life doesn't matter when you've got a Remus.”

Did I mention I hate life right now? Yeah, currently in the number one slot of hating their life. Maybe I could run away and join the circus, grow a beard, and fall in love with one of the other acts. But as tempting as that was, it was impossible for me to grow a beard, leave my sisters, and I didn't have much talent. Peachy, no?

Remus reached over, giving a good whack to the back of Sirius's head. Harley just giggled to herself, taking a spot on the couch next to me. “Sirius, leave Kairi and Remus alone they didn't do anything wrong! Although I'm a bit disappointed in my baby sister for sleeping with a guy she barely knows.” She teased, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

I covered my face in despair, wishing I was somewhere else right now. Maybe I could take a walk down to the park, just sit on the swings for a while, that would be okay. I didn't even care that I was still in yesterdays clothes, or that my hair was in a messy ponytail. I even had yesterdays eyeliner smudged across my eyes and underneath it, but I still didn't care.

“I'm going out for a while.” I murmured, getting up from the couch. Trudging over to the coat rack, I ignored any noise of protests as I placed my coat on, and slipped my feet into some shoes. “I'll just be down at the park, don't worry.” My voice was quiet, but loud enough that at least one of them would be able to pick up on what I was saying. Well, Sirius and Remus both did seem to have impeccable hearing...

Throwing open the door, I stepped out into the semi-cold weather, loving the chill it sent down my spine. I loved the cold, breathing it in, letting it numb the body. It was absolutely beautiful in my opinion, there was nothing better than the euphoric feeling it provided.

When I was about halfway down the street, someone had already caught up and fallen into step with my own. “You're sister is worried about you.” Sirius mumbled, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as if to protect me from what I loved the most.

“She is? She should be more worried about Ellie.” I commented lightly, trying not to scare Sirius. He wasn't there before, he didn't know. None of them knew, and that was how I attended to keep it.

“We were just teasing you...” He continued on, apologizing for something that held little significance. But it was cute that he was doing so anyways. I reached over, giving him a friendly hug, but held on longer than I attended too.

“You'd make a great big brother.” I said with a wide grin, looking up at him with sparkling eyes. He smiled back, almost sadly, causing my head to tilt to the side. But when he shook his head, I decided not to question it further. It was then I realized, I wasn't the only one with a dark past. I wasn't sure if I was happy about this, or upset that someone had been through hell and back as well. But how did he seem so happy now?

I wish I knew his secret.

---ᴥ---

You know that feeling when you're swinging and it feels like you can almost touch the stars? I love that feeling. It's about as great as the cold weather, but holds a different meaning. Like nothing matters, it's just you and the sky, one on one, and ready to take on the world. It's like being a child again with your biggest fear of when you jump, will it hurt? Usually mommy and daddy and their to catch you, and if it does hurt the pains only temporary.

“My legs hurt!” Sirius whined as he tried to pump his legs to achieve greatness like I had. Slowly, I swung to a stop giving him a deadpanned look.

“It's not rocket science Sirius! All you have to do is freaking move your legs in and out until you begin to swing. Do you want me to push you?”

“No!” He cried, huffing like a child. It had been like this since the hour we arrived. “I can do it myself!” He tried again, this time with more success than the last. We both lapsed back into silence, lost in our own thoughts. Sirius chose to interrupt the silence once more. “Do you like Remus?”

“Well he's a nice-”

“No, I meant like like. You know, like relationship like.”

“Relationship? I just met you guys like last week! I'm hardly thinking about relationships Sirius, especially with the new school and having to take care of Ellie and Harley... I don't have time for relationships. Remus is a great guy, but there is plenty other girls out there for him. Don't waste your time with some-”

“Don't say it.” I think he just growled at me. “You and your sisters are great, I wish I had a family like yours! Even without your parents you all stand so strongly together.”

I reached over and grabbed his hand, somehow knowing this was a tough subject for him. And for some forsaken reason I found myself caring for the four stray boys that were picked up by my sister. Seriously, stray animals and then stray humans? What's next, aliens?

“You want to go buy a bunch of candy and eat it on the way home?” I asked him, grinning widely. I wouldn't be indulging much in the candy, but I would gladly lend a few dollars to him to indulge himself.

“You know me too well! What do muggles have for candy anyways?”

“We have the best kind of candy. My favourite is apple rings, it's like heaven in a small gummy ring structure. I think you're more of the sour candy type, not sure why but that's what you peg me for.” I laughed, pulling on his hand to drag him towards the variety store just around the corner. “I'm sure out of all the candy you'll find something to your liking, you are a bottomless pit after all.”

“I don't eat that much!”

“Yes and Remus doesn't like chocolate.”

“See! You're made for each other!”

“Don't push it dog breath.”

---ᴥ---

When we arrived home the house looked dead, absolutely dead. Like the kind you'd see in horror movies, broken stuff out front, like the swinging broken gate that led to the back yard, a beat up old car that had two half flat tires. Wait, car? My eyes widened when I realized what was going on, my heart was pounding wildly in my chest. I could feel myself beginning to hyperventilate at the thought alone, my mind drifting back to the only thing that mattered at the moment. We were caught.

“Shit.” I cursed, grabbing Sirius's hand for the umpteenth time that day to drag him around the bushes that lead to the next house.

“What's going on?” He whispered barely loud enough for me to hear him. I looked back around the bushes and then back at him.

“That's my moms car. She must have gotten the day off for some weird reason. I don't know if Remus and Harley made it out or not. I don't even know where James and Peter are either!” I began hysterically, my body beginning to shake. To say I was scared would be an understatement, but I wasn't scared of my mother. I was scared of losing the four people that had managed to walk into my life and make some sort of an impact.

This sucked.

“I'm going in, you stay out here alright?” I asked warily, just hoping that he would comply for the first time in his life. For some reason he didn't seem like the type to comply to anything, he always wanted to be where the action was at.

“I'm coming with you.”

A small growl worked its way up into my throat but I nodded nonetheless, there would be no way I could stop him in the first place. Keeping a vice grip hold on his hand I pulled him towards the house, pausing outside of the door. With a minute of heavy breathing and much needed preparation I pushed the door opened and pulled Sirius inside the house with a harsh tug. The smell of smoke hit us full force, sending myself into a small coughing fit. Yes, mom certainly was home.

Harley appeared at the top of the staircase, her bright cerulean blues widened before a smile broke out onto her face. She ran down quickly, her arms wrapping around my smaller frame before moving to Sirius'. “What's going on?” I whispered, finally letting go of Sirius's hand. “Where's mom?”

“She's asleep on the couch. Before you ask Remus is upstairs in your room, Peter and James are out with Ellie to grab a few groceries. Don't worry about it.” She pointed her finger at my frame knowingly, the same shine in her eyes glowing brightly. “Sirius can go hang out in my room, you know she doesn't bother going into our rooms. She couldn't be bothered too. Peter is camping out in Ellie's room, James said he'd sleep wherever. Since there's more room in your room, would you mind lending him the floor?”

“Who said Remus could have my bed?”

“Honey please, you're a seventeen year old girl. Don't act like boys and girls can't coexist. No one asked you to take off your pants or anything, it's just sharing a bed.” When did Harley become so playful and talkative? Didn't that normally take to much energy for her? In fact ever since Sirius got here she seemed to be a whole new person. A job, making breakfast and meals... Dear lord she's in love.

“Whatever. I brought you home candy. Don't eat it all in one rush, you'll get a stomach ache and then you get headaches from the sudden sugar-”

“Shut up Kai, just shut up.”

Author: Oh hey tharr. So I didn't delete this story after all. I do love it, I do love being able to put in drama, and the fact that this story is just completely ridiculous and unrealistic. Who needs realism anyways? How about some nice thoughts about it all?