Unequally Yoked: Is it okay for a Christian to Marry a Unbeliever?by Rich Deem

Introduction

Unequally Yoked?

The term "unequally yoked" comes from the King
James version of 2 Corinthians 6:14.1 A
"yoke" was a farm implement that bound two animals together so that they
could work together as a team. Modern translations remove the "yoke" and
translate the intent of the verse, warning believers, "Do not be bound
together with unbelievers." Does this apply to marriage?

Rich Deem

I have received a few emails from Christians (and even one from a
non-Christian) asking if it is okay for a Christian to date or marry an
unbeliever. Usually, by the time the question is asked, the relationship has
gone far enough that a negative answer is going to be difficult to accept,
even if it is the right answer. The short answer is "no." However, it is
good to examine the scripture behind the answer to understand it more
completely, including why such a marriage is a bad idea.

Unequally yoked

The usual answer given the believer is from 2 Corinthians:

Do not be bound together [unequally yoked] with unbelievers; for what partnership have
righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?
(2 Corinthians 6:14)

The original Greek word translated "bound together" or "unequally yoked"
is heterozugeō,2 which is a
compound word originating from heteros,3
meaning "other," "altered," or "opposed," and zugos,4
meaning "yoke." So, the literal meaning really is "unequally yoked,"
originally referring to two opposite farm animals being joined together to
do work.5
As a metaphorical term, it refers to individuals being part of a
team to accomplish some goal.

As with any Bible verse, one should never accept it on face value without
first checking
the context. The context is found in the verses following 2 Corinthians 6:14.6
In these verses, the Apostle Paul compares believers with unbelievers in
terms of light with darkness (verse 14),
Christ with Belial (a references to Satan, verse 15), a believer with an
unbeliever (verse 15), and a temple of God with a temple of idols (verse 16).6
Paul goes on to say that a believer is "the temple of the living God" (see
also 1 Corinthians 6:197). Verse 16 also makes
a reference to the Old Testament prophecies that God will put His laws into
the hearts of believers and "I will be their God, and they will be My
people."8 Paul quotes from the Old
Testament scriptures that tell God's people to be separated from the other
peoples in order to remain pure.6

Be separated

The concept of being separated from unbelievers originally comes from the
Old Testament.9
The reason given for the separation was so that God's people would not be
ensnared with the impurity of the surrounding peoples.10
The concept of separation is continued in the New Testament, which tells us
that friendship with the world makes us an enemy of God.11
Instead, we are not to be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the
renewing of our minds through the power of God.12

Avoid idolatry

What's wrong with being bound to an unbeliever? Even though you may think
you have a lot in common, the most important things you don't hold in common. The Bible,
especially the New Testament, warns Christians to avoid idolatry.13
An idol is something that is held in higher esteem than God. Since an
unbeliever doesn't believe in God, to him everything is an idol, including
his relationship with you. Included in the list of idols are sexual
immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed.13
One of the big problems in the marriage of a Christian and a non-Christian
is the sexual relationship. The Bible describes the union as "the two will
become one flesh.14 1 Corinthians gives the
example of a believer having sexual relations with a prostitute.15
The resulting union joins Christ to a prostitute. Likewise, the joining of a
Christian and a non-Christian joins Christ to an unbeliever.
The New Testament goes as far as to warn us not even to eat with idolaters (1 Corinthians
5:11). Paul tells us "...Bad company corrupts good morals" (1 Corinthians
15:33).16

Marry a non Christian?

The Bible is actually much more direct about marrying unbelievers than
has been indicated to this point. The Old Testament specifically forbids
God's people from marrying "foreign wives":

"Now therefore, make confession to the LORD God of your fathers and do
His will; and separate yourselves from the peoples of the land and from the
foreign wives." (Ezra 10:11)

The Old Testament contains other verses that prohibit marrying
unbelievers, including examples of those who broke the command and were led
astray by their wives (e.g., Solomon in his later years).17
In the New Testament, Paul specifically says that a woman may marry whomever she
wishes, but "only in the Lord," clearly referring to those who are followers
of the Lord Jesus Christ.18
So, the New Testament makes it clear that believers are only to marry fellow believers.

Dating a non-Christian?

Although dating of Christians and non-Christians is not specifically
handled in the Bible, it is clear that such an action is asking for trouble.
An unbeliever who practices Christian-like morality is going to be
attractive to a Christian. However, the chances that such a person will
become a Christian, allowing the Christian to marry him/her is statistically
remote. "Missionary dating" often results in years of conflict and usually
ends in broken hearts.

Married to a non-Christian?

There is a special case where a person marries an unbeliever while
himself/herself are, likewise, an unbeliever, and only later to become a
believer. Such scenarios often occurred in the early church as unbelievers
were converting in large numbers. Paul gives specific instruction to
believers who are married to unbelievers—stay together!19 If the unbeliever
consents to living with the believer, the believer is to behave in such a
way that the unbelieving spouse would want to become a Christian. If the
unbeliever leaves the Christian, the Christian is no longer bound to that
spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15),19 but is free to divorce. Some Christians
question whether such a spouse is free to remarry. However, the concept of
being bound to a marriage is expressed in Romans 7:2-3,20 where Paul says that
the spouse is bound to the husband while he is alive, but freed from that
bond when the husband dies.20 If the same
concept applies to the case where a non-Christian abandons a Christian, one
could conclude that being freed from the marriage allows one to remarry.

Conclusion

The Bible is clear that a Christian is never to marry a non-Christian.
Expecting an unbeliever to become a Christian following marriage is
unrealistic and will likely lead to years of frustration and conflict.
Dating a non-Christian is also problematic, for similar reasons. Those who
marry an unbeliever prior to converting to Christianity are encouraged to
stay with the unbeliever unless they leave.

Strong's G2086
ἑτεροζυγέω
heterozugeō
het-er-od-zoog-eh'-o
From a compound of G2087 and G2218; to yoke up differently, that is,
(figuratively) to associate discordantly: - unequally yoke together with.

of troublesome laws imposed on one, especially of
the Mosaic law, hence the name is so transferred to the
commands of Christ as to contrast them with the commands
of the Pharisees which were a veritable ‘yoke’; yet even
Christ’s commands must be submitted to, though easier to
be kept

a balance, pair of scales

Part of Speech: noun masculine
A Related Word by Thayer’s/Strong’s Number: from the root of zeugnumi (to
join, especially by a "yoke")
Citing in TDNT: 2:896, 301

Strong's G2218
ζυγός
zugos
dzoo-gos'
From the root of ζεύγνυμι zeugnumi (to join, especially by a "yoke"); a
coupling, that is, (figuratively) servitude (a law or obligation); also
(literally) the beam of the balance (as connecting the scales): - pair of
balances, yoke.

"You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together. (Deuteronomy 22:10)

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have
righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common
with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For
we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, "I WILL DWELL IN THEM
AND WALK AMONG THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE.
"Therefore, COME OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE," says the Lord. "AND
DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you. "And I will be a
father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me," Says the Lord
Almighty. (2 Corinthians 6:14-18)

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy
Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? (1
Corinthians 6:19)

'I will give them a heart to know Me, for I am the LORD;
and they will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to
Me with their whole heart. (Jeremiah 24:7)
"But this is the covenant which I will make with the house of Israel after
those days," declares the LORD, "I will put My law within them and on their
heart I will write it; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. (Jeremiah
31:33)
"They shall be My people, and I will be their God; (Jeremiah 32:38)
that they may walk in My statutes and keep My ordinances and do them. Then
they will be My people, and I shall be their God. (Ezekiel 11:20)
in order that the house of Israel may no longer stray from Me and no longer
defile themselves with all their transgressions. Thus they will be My people,
and I shall be their God,"' declares the Lord GOD." (Ezekiel 14:11)
"They will no longer defile themselves with their idols, or with their
detestable things, or with any of their transgressions; but I will deliver
them from all their dwelling places in which they have sinned, and will
cleanse them. And they will be My people, and I will be their God. (Ezekiel
37:23)
"My dwelling place also will be with them; and I will be their God, and they
will be My people. (Ezekiel 37:27)
and I will bring them back and they will live in the midst of Jerusalem; and
they shall be My people, and I will be their God in truth and righteousness.'
(Zechariah 8:8)
"FOR THIS IS THE COVENANT THAT I WILL MAKE WITH THE HOUSE OF ISRAEL AFTER
THOSE DAYS, SAYS THE LORD: I WILL PUT MY LAWS INTO THEIR MINDS, AND I WILL
WRITE THEM ON THEIR HEARTS. AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY
PEOPLE. (Hebrews 8:10)

'Hence I have said to you, "You are to possess their land, and I Myself
will give it to you to possess it, a land flowing with milk and honey." I am
the LORD your God, who has separated you from the peoples. (Leviticus 20:24)
"When the Most High gave the nations their inheritance, When He separated
the sons of man, He set the boundaries of the peoples According to the
number of the sons of Israel. (Deuteronomy 32:8)
"For You have separated them from all the peoples of the earth as Your
inheritance, as You spoke through Moses Your servant, when You brought our
fathers forth from Egypt, O Lord GOD." (1 Kings 8:53)

The sons of Israel who returned from exile and all those who had
separated themselves from the impurity of the nations of the land to join
them, to seek the LORD God of Israel, ate the Passover. (Ezra 6:21)

You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the
world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the
world makes himself an enemy of God. (James 4:4)

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing
of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is
good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

"At that time they made a calf and brought a sacrifice to the idol, and
were rejoicing in the works of their hands. (Acts 7:41)
but that we write to them that they abstain from things contaminated by
idols and from fornication and from what is strangled and from blood. (Acts
15:20)
that you abstain from things sacrificed to idols and from blood and from
things strangled and from fornication; if you keep yourselves free from such
things, you will do well. Farewell." (Acts 15:29)
Now while Paul was waiting for them at Athens, his spirit was being
provoked within him as he was observing the city full of idols. (Acts 17:16)
"But concerning the Gentiles who have believed, we wrote, having decided
that they should abstain from meat sacrificed to idols and from blood and
from what is strangled and from fornication." (Acts 21:25)
You who say that one should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery?
You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? (Romans 2:22)
I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the
covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out
of the world. (1 Corinthians 5:10)
But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother
if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a
drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a one. (1 Corinthians
5:11)
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of
God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers,
nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor
drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
Now concerning things sacrificed to idols, we know that we all have
knowledge. Knowledge makes arrogant, but love edifies. (1 Corinthians 8:1)
Therefore concerning the eating of things sacrificed to idols, we know
that there is no such thing as an idol in the world, and that there is no
God but one. (1 Corinthians 8:4)
However not all men have this knowledge; but some, being accustomed to
the idol until now, eat food as if it were sacrificed to an idol; and their
conscience being weak is defiled. (1 Corinthians 8:7)
For if someone sees you, who have knowledge, dining in an idol's temple,
will not his conscience, if he is weak, be strengthened to eat things
sacrificed to idols? (1 Corinthians 8:10)
Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written, "THE PEOPLE
SAT DOWN TO EAT AND DRINK, AND STOOD UP TO PLAY." (1 Corinthians 10:7)
Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry. (1 Corinthians 10:14)
What do I mean then? That a thing sacrificed to idols is anything, or
that an idol is anything? (1 Corinthians 10:19)
But if anyone says to you, "This is meat sacrificed to idols," do not eat
it, for the sake of the one who informed you, and for conscience' sake; (1
Corinthians 10:28)
You know that when you were pagans, you were led astray to the mute
idols, however you were led. (1 Corinthians 12:2)
Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple
of the living God; just as God said, "I WILL DWELL IN THEM AND WALK AMONG
THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE. (2 Corinthians
6:16)
Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity,
sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger,
disputes, dissensions, factions, (Galatians 5:19-20)
For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or
covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of
Christ and God. (Ephesians 5:5)
Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to
immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to
idolatry. (Colossians 3:5)
For they themselves report about us what kind of a reception we had with
you, and how you turned to God from idols to serve a living and true God, (1
Thessalonians 1:9)
For the time already past is sufficient for you to have carried out the
desire of the Gentiles, having pursued a course of sensuality, lusts,
drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries. (1 Peter
4:3)
Little children, guard yourselves from idols. (1 John 5:21)
'But I have a few things against you, because you have there some who
hold the teaching of Balaam, who kept teaching Balak to put a stumbling
block before the sons of Israel, to eat things sacrificed to idols and to
commit acts of immorality. (Revelation 2:14)
'But I have this against you, that you tolerate the woman Jezebel, who
calls herself a prophetess, and she teaches and leads My bond-servants
astray so that they commit acts of immorality and eat things sacrificed to
idols. (Revelation 2:20)
The rest of mankind, who were not killed by these plagues, did not repent
of the works of their hands, so as not to worship demons, and the idols of
gold and of silver and of brass and of stone and of wood, which can neither
see nor hear nor walk; (Revelation 9:20)
"But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and
immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will
be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second
death." (Revelation 21:8)
Outside are the dogs and the sorcerers and the immoral persons and the
murderers and the idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices lying.
(Revelation 22:15)

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his
mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis
2:24)
and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE
JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? (Matthew 19:5)
"So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined
together, let no man separate." (Matthew 19:6)
AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one
flesh. (Mark 10:8)
Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one
body with her? For He says, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH." (1 Corinthians
6:16)
FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED
TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. (Ephesians 5:31)

Now God has not only raised the Lord, but will also raise us up through
His power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I
then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?
May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a
prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE
FLESH." But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but
the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body
is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and
that you are not your own? (1 Corinthians 6:14-19)

Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals." (1 Corinthians
15:33)

So Isaac called Jacob and blessed him and charged him, and said to him,
"You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. (Genesis 28:1)
"Furthermore, you shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your
daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons.
(Deuteronomy 7:3)
For when Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart away after other
gods; and his heart was not wholly devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart
of David his father had been. (1 Kings 11:4)
shall we again break Your commandments and intermarry with the peoples
who commit these abominations? Would You not be angry with us to the point
of destruction, until there is no remnant nor any who escape? (Ezra 9:14)

A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead,
she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. (1
Corinthians 7:39)

But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the
wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain
unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband
should not divorce his wife. But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if
any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with
him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband,
and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For
the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving
wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your
children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one
leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in
such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife,
whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether
you will save your wife? Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God
has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the
churches.
(1 Corinthians 7:10-17)

For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is
living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning
the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to
another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies,
she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is
joined to another man. (Romans 7:2-3)

12/06/2016 08:00 AMChristian Thinkers 101: A Crash Course on Ronald Nash
Ronald Nash was one of the most influential evangelical Christian thinkers of the last half-century, but what exactly did he believe and what did he contribute to the Christian apologetics enterprise? Hereâ€™s your crash course on the life and accomplishments of Ronald Nashâ€”and why he still matters today. Who Was Ronald Nash? Ronald H. Nash (1936â€“2006) was born in Cleveland,… ()

11/29/2016 08:00 AMChristian Thinkers 101: A Crash Course on Walter Martin
Walter Martin was one of the most distinctive Christian apologists of the twentieth century, but what exactly did he believe and what did he contribute to the apologetics enterprise? Hereâ€™s your crash course on the life and accomplishments of Walter Martinâ€”and why he still matters today. Who Was Walter Martin? Walter Ralston Martin (1928â€“1989) was born in New York City… ()

11/22/2016 12:07 PMThe Appeal of Common Christianity
Within church history, it seems some Christian traditions or denominations like to emphasize those beliefs that make their particular group distinctive. These unique features or beliefs often reflect an attempt to answer or resolve a challenging or paradoxical aspect of Christian theology (such as God’s sovereignty versus human freedom, views of the sacraments or ordinances such as baptism, perspectives on… ()

11/15/2016 08:00 AMChristian Thinkers 101: A Crash Course on Justin Martyr
Saint Justin, also known as Justin Martyr, was one of the first Christians to meet Greco-Roman thinkers on their own ground by using philosophy as a tool or handmaid (servant) to defend the gospel message. But what else did he contribute to historic Christianity? Hereâ€™s your crash course on the life and accomplishments of Justin Martyrâ€”and why he still matters… ()

11/08/2016 08:30 AMHow Would You Introduce Your Faith?
Have you ever been asked to introduce yourself in a public setting? What if you were asked to introduce your Christian faith to a group of non-Christiansâ€”what would you say? As you think about the question you might consider conveying that the Christian faith is a set of beliefsâ€”but it also involves an important collection of values, and it is… ()

11/01/2016 07:00 AMChristian Thinkers 101: A Crash Course on St. Jerome
Tradition reveals that St. Jerome preferred studying the biblical languages because it helped him fend off impure thoughts. But who was this ancient Christian monk, and what is his enduring legacy in terms of historic Christianity? Hereâ€™s your crash course on the life and accomplishments of St. Jeromeâ€”and why he still matters today. Who Was Jerome? Jerome (c. 347â€“420) was… ()

10/25/2016 07:07 AM3 Books to Deepen Your Delight in Jesus
I have a new book coming out in early 2017 titled God among Sages: Why Jesus Is Not Just Another Religious Leader (Baker Books). In this new volume, I compare Jesus with Buddha, Krishna, Confucius, and Muhammad. In preparation for writing my new book, I read close to 100 books about the life and ministry of Jesus Christ and about… ()

10/18/2016 07:00 AMChristian Thinkers 101: A Crash Course on St. Basil
Not many people are known as so-and-so â€śthe Great.â€ť But St. Basil the Great was one of the finest thinkers, writers, and preachers in Christian church history. What did this man believe, and what did he ultimately contribute to historic Christianity? Hereâ€™s your crash course on the life and accomplishments of St. Basil the Greatâ€”and why he still matters today.… ()

10/11/2016 07:00 AMShould We Read Print Books or E-books?
Is it better to read paper books or electronic books? E-books have their benefits: They are convenient, especially when traveling, and they are often significantly less expensive than physical books. They are also becoming more like physical books as developers continue to improve the technology. Also, I think all reading is good, so I donâ€™t oppose the reading of… ()

10/04/2016 07:00 AMChristian Thinkers 101: A Crash Course on Tertullian
Though he died almost 18 centuries ago, Tertullian is often quoted today in theological and apologetics circles. But what did this man believe and what did he ultimately contribute to historic Christianity? Hereâ€™s your crash course on the life and accomplishments of Tertullianâ€”and why he still matters today. Who Was Tertullian? Tertullian (c. 160â€“220) was a North African church father… ()