The 8 best-dressed men of the week

Bar of the week: Clean Air Bar with Ketel One vodka

Every week, we scour the city to find the best bars our capital has to offer. Whether you're a cocktail kind of guy, or a man who enjoys a decent draft beer, there's a GQ-worthy drinking spot to suit every taste.

The 8 best-dressed men of the week

Bar of the week: Clean Air Bar with Ketel One vodka

Every week, we scour the city to find the best bars our capital has to offer. Whether you're a cocktail kind of guy, or a man who enjoys a decent draft beer, there's a GQ-worthy drinking spot to suit every taste.

The most extraordinary thing about Philip Roth was his stamina

How to get married without a hitch

From cold sweats at 4am to finding the right best man, negotiating your way to the happiest day of her life is fraught with danger. Drawing on recent experience, the newlywed Victoria Coren helps groom GQ for tying the knot

Once upon a time, when a man got to about 14 years old, he was ready to marry. Nice local girl. He wasn't picky. He couldn't be: his dad's horse didn't go further than about four miles. So that was his potential wife radius. Frankly, he was grateful to find one who didn't have 12 toes.

But don't feel too sorry for your ancient ancestor. In more exotic climes, around the same age, he'd have been expected to kill his first lion, using only a peashooter woven from leaves.

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Besides, too much choice is a burden. This medieval Brit and his eleven-toed wife lived happily ever after.

These days, with our modern transport, our infinite internet and our dream-peddling international film industry, nobody's happy.

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Therefore, if you have actually found a person you want to marry, congratulations! That shows great strength of character.

Decisiveness. Clear vision. Emotional confidence. (Either that, or she's 85 and she's got money. This also has its plusses.)

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But what to do next? How do you get from the moment of epiphany to the altar? Why, simply listen to me! I got married recently and, as any brain surgeon will tell you, once you've done something once, you're an expert. So here is your step-by-step guide.

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1. Ask yourself: are you definitely not gay? Very important to resolve this question before making your vows. If the answer's yes, you're facing one of two problems.

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Either your potential spouse is a man and marriage isn't allowed yet, or she isn't a man and it's going to be awkward in the bedroom. There are only so many times you can call a girl "Philip" before she starts asking questions.

2. Next thing to think about: the flowers! If you believe this, see point one

3. The proposal Regular readers will know my proposal rules. No full names. ("Gladys Muriel Smithers, would you do me the honour of..." - so cheesy you could have it on toast and dream in Technicolor.)

No long speeches. ("The day I met you, Bernadette Ayesha Gump, was the happiest day of..." - she'll guess early, and then what's she meant to do with her face for the next ten minutes?)

Timing is key. Don't leave it six years, and don't do it when she's got dysentery. That's about the size of it.

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Contrary to popular opinion, there's no such thing as too early.

If you ask me, dating a woman for longer than three weeks without a proposal is downright insulting. The second date is a good time to pop the question. It sets a romantic tone right from the start, and there's no pressure because she'll definitely say no.

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4. The engagement That went well, didn't it? She said yes! What a happy moment it was, kissing her passionately, feeling a wave of relief that the scary question was over and accepted.

How you looked forward to the calm phase afterwards, both of you relaxed and enjoying the warm glow of being engaged. Secure about the future. All worries over.

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How confused you are that your life seems now to be drowning under 8,000 per cent more worry. Within minutes of the proposal, she was drawing up guest lists, googling venues, calculating prices and shouting, "There's no way I'm sitting next to your weird stepdad! It'll have to be a buffet."

Over the coming days, she will talk of nothing but transport issues, weather risks and location scouting. Your beautiful fiancée has disappeared and been replaced by some sort of anxious military general. You wouldn't be surprised to come home and find her in a peaked cap and khaki jumpsuit, using a garden rake to slide troop formations of plastic aunts across a giant relief map of Europe, on which flags represent the most picturesque hotels.

Of course, it's possible you're in a very modern relationship where you are doing all the planning and organising of dates, times, invitation fonts, seating plans, aisle music, menu, cake...

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veil options! Have we considered horse-drawn carriages..."

What can I tell you? It's like a disease.

For better or worse, my fiancé was very much of the belief that men should not argue with women on matters like these. It's not for guys to have opinions about tablecloth colours, he thought - or at least I assume he did. Somehow, whenever I felt the time was right for a long discussion about them, he was just leaving for the pub.

If all prospective husbands do not feel similarly easy-going, they should pretend to. I'm not saying you should fail to offer help, but don't say no to anything. If you nix any of her favourite wedding ideas, she will immediately assume that you don't really love her and the whole thing is a terrible mistake. So go along with "blancmange hippos for pudding, novelty hats for all guests" and say they're extremely stylish.

Then ask yourself how on earth you're marrying the sort of person who wants blancmange hippos for pudding and novelty hats for all guests. It probably is a terrible mistake.

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6. There is no value You might ask: hang on, who's paying for this fiesta?

There's no "value for money" in a wedding.

Of course, savings can be made. Fail to ask around, and the prices you'll pay for cake nobody eats and flowers nobody notices will be crippling. With intensive research and groundwork, grabbing all the best wedding deals out there, the prices will be merely horrifying. Savings? Yes. Value? No.

Perhaps your fiancée's parents are paying, in which case it's simple: you say yes to all the terrible ideas, and they say yes to all the terrible prices.

In this day and age, however, it's more likely that you and your partner are footing the bill. If that's the case, well, some of your own money is on the line here. That changes everything. Under these circumstances: you say yes to all the terrible ideas, and thenyousay yes to all the terrible prices.

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7. Pick a speciality Deferent though you may be to your fiancée's sparkly hopes and dreams for wedding perfection, you still want to look a bit involved. So, pick one aspect of the wedding and take full responsibility for it. Something that you can discuss eagerly and nervously with her friends, lest they mistake you for a laissez-faire sort of groom who couldn't give a monkey's how the thing is actually done. Perish the thought!

Take it upon yourself to do all the research, planning, thinking, booking, organising and paying for one particular area.

It could be anything. Absolutely anything. Anything at all. Really, anything you can think of. By which I mean: it's the transport. Get on with it. (You might think your "area of special responsibility" is choosing the honeymoon. Don't be ridiculous. You'd cock that right up.)

8. Buy nice, new, normal clothes Never mind your "favourite old suit" that very nearly fits. You've got a favourite new one - just waiting out there in the shop. It's beautifully cut, perfectly smart and absolutely normal. It is not "interesting". It is not "an unexpected colour".

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It does not "make a statement". There's no room at that altar for two brides.

Ideally, it's a morning suit. This is for the very simple reason that you can wear it with braces and Chelsea boots, so that later that night, in the hotel room, even though you've been living together for eight years and stopped having interesting sex after three of them, when she suddenly finds herself alone with a man who is kicking off boots and slipping off braces, it will be the hottest thing she's ever seen. Damn, you'll look sexy. She will want you desperately, even if you're drunk,

which you'd better not be.

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9. Pick a best man Seriously. Pick one. Don't have three, like an idiot. On your wedding day, you do not want to look like a man who can't commit to one person.

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You may be torn between two beloved old acquaintances, or three friends who gave that honour to you, or one who's good at speeches and another who's good at organising - but it's lame to avoid the decision. You may not want to offend the runners-up, but the alternative is failing to make anyone feel properly special.

But who? You're tempted to choose your "funny" friend, aren't you? For the sake of the speech? Think again. He'll buckle under the pressure, nick a load of online jokes, open with: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the fourth time today I've been standing up with a warm piece of paper in my hand" - and every other guest who's been a best man since the invention of the internet will be mouthing the words along with him.

Just pick your closest friend. If that's also your funniest friend, excellent. But it's more important that he's nice. You want the guy who'll be kind to you on the day - and who'll plan a stag night according to what you'd enjoy, not what he's been yearning to do with a pink ticket ever since he got married himself. (Just ask any man who spent his stag night having a good long sleep in front of the darts, and he'll agree.)

10. Share the anxiety Is your fiancée lying awake in the small hours, worrying about arrangements? Do you feel awkward, distant, guilty because you're not thinking about them at all?

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That's OK. With the extra calm space in your head, focus on the massive, lifelong commitment you're about to make. Think through all those important promises. To one person. For ever. Really think about what you're going into. Permanently. You'll soon be meeting her by the kettle at 4am in a cold sweat, don't worry about that.

Well, I've got to ten, which is a neat place to stop. I meant to include "the marriage" - but never mind, that bit's easy.Be nice to her parents, buy her flowers every weekend, and never forget to look interested when she's getting undressed.