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12/24/11

Her husband can trust her; she will greatly enrich his life. Proverb 31:11 (NLT)

Trust is earned and established over time but it can be lost in a mere instant. This is very basic but some things just need to be verbalized and acknowledged. Keep in mind that I am most often presenting a position of heart more than anything. When two people are actively pursuing the same goal and moving in the same direction, so many things have a happier ending.

He Trusts Her With His Heart:We are not responsible for another person’s actions or reactions but we are fully responsible for our own. When a good man comes along and chooses “you”, it is no small thing. Men don’t tend to choose women they can’t trust (unlike us women). If he is choosing you, he likely believes that you have what it takes to enhance his life and to make his home a safe and welcoming place to return to everyday.

Now, you are a “wife” and God has entrusted another human heart into your care. Be intentional about you and your home being a safe place for that heart because his humanity IS going to surface. His nakedness, just like yours, will eventually be exposed and he will need your tender and trustworthy presence in his life. As a husband or wife, we are called to cover our spouse’s nakedness, not expose them. So when it comes up, don’t be surprised. Don’t expect him to be perfect, neither of you will be. Extend grace and keep his confidence. (I always disclaimer these for woman who are in abusive relationships. That is an entirely different situation).

He Trusts Her When She Speaks:Practicing deceit with your husband in any way is never going to benefit you. Nothing good can come of it. It is disrespectful to play him for a fool. Honor him with your word.

You want him to have confidence in your word. This comes over time. When he does, he will continually realize that he can trust your judgment, your perspective and even your advice. He will begin to ask you for your input, you will not need to beg to be heard. He “trusts” you when you speak. Are you beginning to see the benefits of being trusted?

He Can Count On Her:She is reliable. She keeps her word. He knows that if he needs anything, she will move heaven and earth to accommodate him. She keeps her agreements with him and stands in the integrity of who she is. He knows whether things are easy or hard, he can count on her to be there with him and for him. She’s got his back and he’s got hers.

Maybe this sounds like a “fairy tale” to some people but this is what “trust” looks like in a relationship. This is how it is when two people walk in unity. This is how it is when two have submitted their marriage to God and walk in peace with one another no matter the cost. It goes without saying that difficult times will come. These are some of the tools for when they do.

He Can Confide In Her:Recognize how vulnerable he is in opening his heart to confide anything in you. Remove the “spouse” hat for a moment and be “friend” so that you will not take what he is saying personally. Provide a safe place for him to open his heart because it doesn’t take much for him to close it off. It is an honor that he trusts you enough to be open and honest. A man will never do this if he questions your confidence. He just wouldn’t expose himself like that.

When he speaks, make it a point to listen attentively and non-judgmentally. He’s not necessarily looking for suggestions or a hug. Allow him to just speak. And no matter what, no matter where the relationship ends up…never, never break that confidence. Be a woman of integrity. Spilling his secrets all over the place only makes you less-integral. So many think they are exposing “him” when they do this but really they are exposing themselves. They are exposing their own malice.

A Godly woman “desires” that her husband be able to trust her fully. She automatically assumes this as a critical piece in marriage and she understands it as an obligation to God even more than man. Earning and keeping his trust makes you even more valuable to him because with trust comes peace. When a man is at peace in his own home, there is no telling how much can be accomplished. A man’s heart, at peace, will open wide and you will see all the benefits of being the kind of wife that God carefully designed to bring about the greatest blessings in your marriage.