Could it be that local governments want to plant too many trees willy-nilly, the same way an alcoholic wants to drink too much?

A solution for that would be a conscious effort to stop planting trees. And also, getting rid of the policy of keeping trees in places where they don’t belong. This is a money issue, this is safety issue.

Oh, here are some facts:

- There is no urban forest. A forest, by definition, can’t be in an urban area. Oh, what’s that , you’re just being aspirational? Oh, you’re just “framing” the issue because you want more trees everywhere and you’ve been able to send the bill to Other People Later On? Oh, okay, well, keep on keeping on then.

- San Francisco doesn’t have any kind of “canopy.” Just look up – if you can see the sky or the fog, then there’s no canopy. Oh, what’s that , you’re just being aspirational? Oh, you’re just “framing” the issue because you want more trees everywhere and you’ve been able to send the bill to Other People Later On? Oh, okay, well, keep on keeping on then.

- San Francisco doesn’t have any kind of “cloud forest.” It can’t. We have trees and we have clouds but that’s not enough to have a cloud forest. Of course we have fog and a whole mess of trees from halfway around the world, you know, that don’t really belong here, but that’s not enough.

- Sutro Forest isn’t a “forest.” Do you want to call it a stand or a grove instead? That’d be nice. That’d be accurate too.

Well, they’re still here in 2011, which is well past they date that they were supposed to be turned into woodchips. See?

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Now, I’m not a big fan of trees in the City personally, as they cause a lot of trouble and, occasionally, kill people. But Trees First, People Second is the Law of the Land, so once a tree goes in, it can never ever ever come out, regardless of the circumstances. Oh well.

This tenth of a mile of Chinese Elms on the 1300 block of McAllister Street just got scheduled to walk the green mile next month.

Why? “Weak canopy vigor” ‘n stuff.

Check it:

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All the deets:

The response from one resident? “Fuck that.” Actually, that phrase got repeated several times until this closing line: “I know an arborist.” Well, I guess if you want to fight a tree removal, that’s the first person you’d want to talk with.