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Thursday, September 2, 2010

Unapologetically, this is me

Wow, there are soooooo many blogs out there, I don't know how people have the time to keep up with all of them. Now this comment is coming from someone without a job, which means I have a lot of free time. Yet even I can't dedicate all the time needed to really go through all the great/fun blogs out there.

But in my morning skimming session, I noticed a common theme of "owning up" and "accountability", so I figured I'd jump on that bandwagon and share some things about me.

I really really want a job but a small part of me doesn't mind being unemployed
I know this sounds bad. Believe me, the desire for a job wins out. But part of me is scared. I've had plenty of jobs that I've hated. Jobs that have made me cry. And honestly, I'm nervous that I'll be so anxious to get a job that I'll end up taking the wrong job. And yes, I'll have a salary again, but I might be unhappy. On the flip side, I do recognize that a job doesn't define anyone so I do know that even if I'm unhappy, I can get through it. I think it's just the unknown and breaking what has now been a 16 month habit.

I love to eat
I've come to accept that I will never be what anyone would call skinny. But I'm OK with that. I probably could attain it but I'd have to change my eating habits and limit myself in ways that might make me unhappy.

I feel guilty when I eat too much or don't get to the gym
I'm working on this one. Not so much changing the habits but rather just working on not feeling guilty, being more accepting of my shortcomings.

I'm not fast, nor am I truly a runner
To me, running was always the definition of fitness. And for years and years I couldn't do it. I can do it now, but I've had to come to terms with the fact that I will never be fast. I know anyone can "learn" to run, but I honestly don't think my body was built for running. I have endurance, but I will never have speed, and that's OK. I will never win a race, but I will hopefully finish. (although I'd have to actually run a race to know for sure)

I dream of having a salary again...and a bike
Living at near poverty levels is humbling, as I'm sure you can imagine. I think about how exciting it will be to finally be able to spend money on non-essential items. Like a bike. I really want a road bike because I think that I have potential in that area. I want to ride in races and not just finish. I'm not a true runner, but I think that I could be a cyclist.

If I had to choose between the two, I'd always choose dessert over a drink
I love sweets. Unfortunately my body doesn't like excess sugar, but I enjoy it so much that sometimes it's worth the splurge as well as the not-so-great feeling afterwards. Drinking on the other hand, I can take or leave. I never drink alone. I will admit that I'll go out on occasion and DRINK. I will drink to get drunk. I know that sounds bad, but it's true. I do appreciate the occasional glass of wine, but unless I'm really craving it, I'll usually pass it up.

I'm not particularly nurturing
Don't get me wrong, if someone close to me is sick or injured, I will help them and take care of them to the best of my ability. I'm not heartless. I'm just not overly nurturing. I don't have that motherly instinct to take care of people. Which brings me to the next topic...

I don't like kids
I know I'm not alone on this one, although sometimes it feels as if I am. Being 31 and single I'm constantly surrounded by couple friends having children. And while I'm happy for them, I just don't get it. Having a child (or even being around children) has zero appeal to me. I do admit that this feeling may be subject to change (when I meet an amazing man perhaps), but for now, it is what it is and it truly is who I am.

So, ending with the doozy that might make people roll their eyes is my style. I am most of the time unapologetic for who I am. I have my quirks, my weird feelings about things, but they are what make me me and I'd never push them or inflict them on others.