Pages

Most of the time, I'm pretty even-tempered. Aside from the odd nervous breakdown or caffeine-induced bliss-seizure, I have the emotional variation of sand. However, every once in a great while, I'll lapse into what I like to call a "sneaky hate spiral."

The buildup:

Sneaky hate spirals begin simply enough. In fact, that is one of the hallmarks of sneaky hate spirals - they are merely the confluence of many unremarkable annoyances.

Your day begins poorly.

Before you've had a chance to recover from your unpleasant awakening, you are pummeled by a series of unfortunate events. There are probably some loud and/or persistent sounds mixed in there, too.

The little frustrations start to happen more quickly. They ping against your psyche like hundreds of tiny pebbles.

Eventually, the sum of the small annoyances begins to exceed your capacity for patience and rational thought. All it would take to send you over the edge into a bottomless pit of angry hysteria is just one more tiny, little thing...

The turning point:

The turning point is usually a minor but slightly jarring incident, initiated by some force of nature that cannot be blamed or scolded - like gravity or sleeplessness or wind. That last specification is very important. In order to send you into truly batshit crazy hysterics, the final straw must cause anger that cannot rationally be directed outward in any way.

Your worn patience plus the inability to blame anything for your misery causes a chain reaction to take place inside of you.

The rage enters your body, but cannot exit through either the blame or personal responsibility pathways. It therefore must travel to the very center of you where it will fester and eventually rupture.

Chaos:

When enough anger and hatred has accumulated inside of you, it will rupture through your pathetic sense of integrity and start spewing outwardly as if you are some sort of rage sprinkler, spraying your putrid hate all over anything that comes near you.

You are officially out of control. At this late stage, there is no way around it. You are simply a helpless passenger in your psychotic war-machine of a body.

Oh god, oh god, she's in my head.... No one else around me gets annoyed by sounds. But constant, driving, irritating sounds can make me stressed out to the point of physical illness. So, I hear ya or whatevs.

PS, I'll be helping my mother-in-law move this weekend, so I'll be thinking about this post over and over and over.

LMAO! Dude. This had me laughing out loud because it's so true. Unfortunate for my poor boyfriend since he's usually the poor guy who ends up putting up with my psychopathic rage when I freak out on him for sneezing or something equally inane. And then I feel like an asshole so now he'll have to put up with me crying over the shame and guilt for an hour.

This happens to me ALL THE TIME! Seriously, I feel crazy, then I feel bad because I end up taking my anger out on my family, usually my mom... :( Or my cat named Kitty, when she's really annoying and won't let me sleep with her loud purr that is constant and gargling and when I open my eyes she's staring me down wanting me to pet her but I'M TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP KITTY!!!

... this happens almost every night.

P.S. I tried re-subscribing to your account (I had deleted my google account but I made another one just so I could subscribe to you!), but it says something like "We're sorry, the site owner has blocked you from joining this site." *cries*

Seriously. I hate those days. I often end up throwing a fit about the weather, regardless of what it is. Sunny? Universe, why must you mock my misery by being so fucking cheerful. Rainy? Like I needed something else to reinforce my misery.

First of all, I'm pretty sure you said these were all left hand drawings, which, ASTOUNDING, Seriously.

Secondly, yes, that which described (particularly CATS BEING BATSHIT ANNOYING) is MY LIFE. I too am 99% of the time rational, 1% insane for no reason. Except mine usually goes into long, long crying jags instead of rage. But the build up is the most important part, people are like, "um...why are you sobbing?" and I'm like, " SOB...the cat knocked over my ipod...and I left my cell phone charger at home...and we were out of hummus...and SOB SOB SOB SOB..."

That's odd. I believe I experienced that vicious cycle last week at a barbecue. Poor guy didn't know what hit him. Allie - it's important that you stop stalking me and using my life as fodder for your blog. Thank you. P.S. - Cheese triangles should be slightly overlapping at the tips and no more. In case anyone is interested to know.

I have these days quite often. The only way I can ever snap out of a rage is when I get busted for shouting at inanimate objects. Then I'm made to feel stupid, which only makes me feel more angry because someone else pointed out how stupid I am. Asshole.

Always made worse if, in your dream before you wake, somehow you've been transported back to 6th grade church camp and the song you can't get out of your head is "Our God is an Awesome God." And then you hate God and that just makes you feel like a traitor.

If you replaced La Bamba with Whadaya Want From Me, this would be an eerily accurate representation of my daily life and emotional responses to same -- right down to the cat butt and insomnia. Only, you know, this is hilarious instead of totally miserable. :P

Ten minutes ago, I got a tax form in the mail. For our 2009 taxes. Which were due on April 15. So now I have to redo our super-complicated taxes and possibly pay in. I was sitting here trying to figure out how to report this stupid, incompetent health insurance company to the I.R.S. but instead of going into my own hate spiral, I get to read a new HAAH! YAY!!!!!

This was me last night. After feeling pathetic after the Grey's Anatomy finale and about my life as a med student in general, I flew into a self-loathing rage. Good thing I feel better today so I can spend my entire day learning about prions. :P FML.

OMG this was awesome. I needed this today. I've had a day like this today. And yesterday. Two days of this. Perfect-o. Thanks and kisses. I'd send you cookies and beat the shit out of that Subway guy for you if I could.

You've discovered the reasons behind my being a misanthrope... you've also successfully trolled everyone that will ever read this blog by getting the words to La Bamba stuck in their head for no less than 24 hrs. Well done, allie, well done. *wanders off to make a rageguy.jpg*

Hello Life? You're now a blog post! :) Though there is one tiny difference in my world, I have 3 cats so picture 3 furry assholes pointing at you instead of the 1. ;p

Oh and btw, I'm new to your blog but I have to say I LOVE IT. I do believe I have found someone who actually updates their blog (cuz I don't anymore) that has a similar sense of humor to mine. :) Keep it up!

I'm so glad you understand, Allie. I'm sharing the link on my facebook page so that hopefully my husband will stop asking me "Why are you so angry?" because all he gets in response is an unintelligible stream of syllables "garbleflarfdignarscitwat!" that describe perfectly everything that went wrong and that I'm not mad at him, he just happened to be present when the last thing I could do nothing about happened.

This exactly what happened to me yesterday, only I could not explain it nearly as eloquently. I have shared the link on my facebook wall as a way of explaination to all of my friends affected by the sneaky hate spiral.

This is me basically every week. And I usually end up exploding over how loud my husband chews or something realdicilous like that. I also get really mad when it is raining but the sun is out too. That really ticks me off. Make up your mind you idiot weather!

I love/hate that fridge picture. Our air conditioner unit is on the ground just outside the dining room wall, about a foot and a half displaced from the fridge. So, for the first month of warm weather, every time it kicks on with its rumbly grr-rr-rr-rr-shhhhhhhhh noise, I spend like ten minutes trying to diagnose the fridge-explosion-doom sound. Then I trace it to outside and get pissed at the air conditioner, too.

I can totally relate. Although my rage spiral usually only ends when I end up crying all over the place. Which usually happens when I walk in the door at the end of the day and proceed to start sobbing all over my boyfriend (who is trying to be nice and comfort me and not freak out because I'm crying like my mom died for no apparent reason).

You forgot, however, the part where you realize you're in a rage spiral, but have neither the will nor the desire to stop it. It just compounds the frustration when you realize you're being irrational and continue regardless.

it took me MONTHS to figure out why I would always have a song stuck in my head during the morning hours. Damnable alarm clock song! Also, I have yelled at both the cats and the dogs for LICKING THEMSELVES TOO LOUDLY! Gah!

Weird...this happened to me yesterday....I was wearing a billowy dress and some idiot asked me when my due date was. I went for a walk to cool down and there were people in all my favorite spots when all I wanted to do was be AWAY from people...and then a big bug flew right into my forehead. That was the last straw and I almost started crying...so I know what you mean. Then I was a bitch to my boyfriend all night:(

This has been my entire week this week! I've moved past the anger to random crying spurts... I realized this morning that it had gotten really bad when my favorite Mexican food place gave me my huevos rancheros without a tortilla and I almost burst into tears. Upside? I went back and apparently looked so pathetic that they made a new plate for me with meat instead of pico de gallo :) Oh. And I got to read this post and it made me crack up. Thanks!

Allie, I was introduced to your blog through facebook. My cousin sent me an invite to your page. I have spent the last few days reading back through your blogs and am totally hooked (don't tell my boss but I havn't got a great deal of work done this week)Your awesomeness is AWESOME!!!My son & I both luuurve spaghatta nadle.Keep up the awesomeness...did I mention you are awesome?!!

Been reading you for a awhile though never commeted but OMG too friggin funny!

I have these days a lot, though for me being woken up nastily ends up being one of my lovely children up way too friggin early to for be to be completely aware enough to avoid half the annoying shit that happens to me. And then I rage!

Don't have a cat now, btw, but all too often happened to me when I did! Why anal face, why!?

Hey, I'm not alone in my hatred of wind! This is me every morning: "GoddamnyoufuckingpieceofshitWIND!!! Don't you have anything better to do?! Go find some amber fucking waves of grain & leave me the fuck alone!!!"

Ha ha! I've just had one of those days! My alarm went off in the middle of some weird psycho dream (see blog post for slightly odd details) and I just couldn't get my shit together for the rest of the day. TGIF!

I laughed loudly and disrupted my coworkers! Then I became a bit concerned that I seem to be constantly on the edge of the Tipping Point on a daily basis. Then I remembered I need to take my blood pressure medication when I get home.

I actually woke up in the middle of the night once from a chinchilla running across my face. First, it freaked me out and then I had to spend the next two hours chasing the stupid thing around my room to put it back in its cage. Not a good night.

It was rainy AND windy (ew?) yesterday morning, and I had a tiny little freakout that ended with me stuffing my umbrella into the trashcan and swearing to myself in public. I'm so glad that I share these sporadic uncontrollable bursts of rage with all of you funny internet people. Can we all be friends? I'd like that ALOT. (Get it? Get it? Awesome. Bye.)

this was yesterday for me.there were no ACTUAL cats in my presence all day long, but i did see a dog at my job and it had huge balls and they were just very PROMINENT and all in my face every time i looked the direction of the dog (they weren't actually in my face, it just felt like it).my solution to the hate spiral? Lady GaGa tickets.

Ah! This happens way too many times! Why do cats think that you want to see their asses? Its like "HI!!! I HAVE A BUTT AND I'D LIKE YOU TO SEE IT!" But anyways, I love love love your posts!!!!! This is my favourite so far.

For me it's the cat. Mainly since one of mine seems to only find enjoyment in eating and scratching on my door in the middle of the night. She dances with death every time. I, however, appear to be too kind or just too tired to impart it upon her.

This was me just this morning, every single fucked itself up, eventually I gave up and cried while standing in the shower with soap running down my face. Then I went to my son's graduation and cried some more, then I went to work and yelled at people, cause I'm the boss and god dammit if I tell you to move the stoves then fucking move them! Now it's 1:38 pm and I am considering checking in to a cheap motel room to just sleep tonight so I don't have to deal with whiney 14 year old, needy 11 year old or bossy 10 year old(or my husband)I'm glad it's Friday.

I love that you can illustrate how I feel. If I had a creative bone in my body I would probably have a house filled with paintings from my own sneaky hate spirals. These would be dark and red and the canvases would be torn. I think it would be cathartic.

Allie, I think you have a psychic link thing-y kickin'....seriously. I JUST got off the phone w/ a counselor so I can get my hate & "batshit" crazy episodes under control again. Thank you for being you...it's good to know someone onu there has as many Neurocese as myself.

I LOVE this since I just went into a sneaky hate spiral this morning when my husband told me he couldn't find his socks. Oh, and as a former "Sandwich Artist" for Subway in the mid 90's, I completely agree, the cheese triangles are ALWAYS supposed to be placed with the first triangle up, the second down and so on, so that you get the correct amount of cheese in every bite! That's not so hard to do now, is it?

You are right on with everything, and super funny, and it creeps me out how much your posts seem to echo my life...maybe I'm not as unique as I think I am!?!?

Okay, this one time when I was a little spaz-ling, I was in one of these hate-spirals, and sitting next to my little brother in the back seat of the car on our way to God Knows Where, CA.Then.... He sneezed.I whirled around and yelled "SHUT UP!!!" at him.He gave me the most incredulous look... Then we both busted into hysterics over it. I think we were laughing for a good half-hour over it.Since then, I can't really bring myself to get into one of those - it seems a little futile to me, now.As a great philosopher said, "C'est la - oh fuck it." (He was probably more that a bit drunk at the time.)

P.S. Stalk-fight!? Bring it on - come find me. I have ballistic cookies, and will TOTALLY mess you up with cookie-lesterol. >:p

LOL this happened to me yesterday. It started with the internet at work going out and being forced to stay there to answer the phone. Normally I would answer the phone, but typically I'd be the one to help out...not acting like someone's secretary. I eventually just left in protest.

Then I had this placement test to do which required written consent from a counselor. Unfortunately, I forgot the letter, didn't realize it til I arrived, and therefore drove an hour for no reason.

Then there was traffic.

Then I was hungry.

Then I had to pee.

Then I went to Del Taco and they told me to park because my order would take too long to process at the window.

10 minutes go by (I checked my receipt).

I go into Del Taco and complain. I finally get my order after 16 minutes since I placed the order. Fast food my ass.

Left quickly in anger. Got to my fiance's truck (we traded cars for MPG vs. distance) and it wont start. I need a jump.

No one offers to help me while I'm standing there crying over my open hood.

Called up my fiance. He would be there in an hour and a half or so (just leaving work).

I decided to eat my food. Apparently they make Del Taco burgers out of used cat litter. NEVER eat a Del Taco burger.

15 minutes go by. I'm still in the Del Taco parking lot. I realize they never gave me my drink. Went back inside pissed off. Thankfully they didn't argue with me. I think they could tell I had been crying/close to spitting acidy spit.

Get back in my car. I have my knitting next to me. Knit a few rows... 3 stitches fall off the needle. ANGER.

Cry some more.

Behind me I hear a kid on a bike get hit by a car. I felt much better after this. (Don't worry--the kid was fine.)

I seriously believe the only solution to this sort of anger is watching a small child on a bike get hit by a car.

Perfect!I have these days way more than I should.At one point last week, as the rage spiral reached its peak, I looked at my husband and shouted, "IF YOU DON'T STOP BREATHING SO LOUDLY I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FACE WITH A SPORK!"I don't really hate him. He just thinks I do.

Oh dear God, someone documented my life while I was distracted by shiny objects!

Awesome post by the way. And thank you for helping me get rid of my sneaky hate spiral that was about to start up. This is actually better (and oh-so-much cheaper) than alcohol to make you forget about how crappy your day can get. Thank you so very much!

Thank you for explaining so eloquently how this happens. All this time I just thought I was surely on the verge of truly becoming psychotic. :) HAHAHA! The Subway picture had me laughing out loud! Why is the cheese thing so hard for them to understand?! :)

Oh my. Thank you. When the sun is trying to kill you, you forgot the part where perfect strangers come by and exclaim about the beautiful day. I need my husband to read this so he'll be more sympathetic when I beat on him to wake him up and say "If you don't stop snoring I will kill you." And it's not La Bamba, it's that Doobie Brothers song "By the hand hand take me by the hand pretty momma ..."

O.M.G. Laughed til I cried. My in-boxes mock me daily ... the work in-box that currently stands at 297 and the personal ones that are at 852 and 283. Glad to know I am not the only one driven to homicidal rage by that.

This reminds me of the day were I lost it to the point of kicking off my shoes with reckless abandon as soon as I walked in the door. One went through the window screen. So I yelled at the cat then TOTALLY DESTROYED the window screen for being a it being a stupid, in the way, breakable bitch.

Your blog is hysterical! One of those sites I bounce around impatiently waiting for the next post for. :D Like buttersafe, or xkcd, but better. O.O And to be better than buttersafe .... well, that's something. I'll say that. ^^

OMG! This is some HI-larious s***! I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard! I totally have those kinds of days! So true! It's the adult temper tantrum. Break out the lavender essential oil and do some serenity now breathing! ROFL! Thanks for a totally bust a gut post! Awesome!