I showed my mother this profile and she said 'this is why you're an
embarrassment'. Thanks mumma.

I'm going to give you a recipe for a really awesome cocktail.
People don't even read profiles anymore, so I might as well fill
this space up with useful tripe. I'll keep things fresh and update
it with something new when I can.

CORPSE REVIVER #2

This is a super classic cocktail. You can find it in the Savoy
Cocktail Book by Harry Craddock on page 52.

It is one of the very first fancy out of my comfort zone drinks I
had when I was a much younger man just getting into this
game.

Keep in mind, this cocktail will get you stupid hammered. There is
nothing wrong with that; just be careful. These are called corpse
revivers for a reason. What that reason is I don't want to exorcise
the thought of.

This is a 4oz cocktail with 3 oz of delicious alcohol. You can
tailor the measurements to whatever you want, but what's the
fucking point?

EQUAL PARTS (1oz) of
LEMON JUICE
LILLET
COINTREAU
GIN

BEFORE you do ANYTHING. Make sure your cocktail glass is CHILLED.
Take a BARSPOON of ABSINTHE and coat the inside of the cocktail
glass with it. You don't want too much absinthe, just COAT THE
FUCKING GLASS WITH IT.

Okay. Take the rest of your ingredients into a shaker. Hard shake.
Double Strain into your cocktail glass. VOILA. After 2 of these
you're going to start feeling it in your legs. If you're lucky
enough, you should be spreading them for some lucky bastard.

I think Where's Waldo has been my most challenging read so
far.
My favourite movie is unquestionably Indiana Jones and the Kingdom
of the Crystal Skull. I mean, it only destroyed my childhood
forever. Food? Well, I'm a level 4 vegan, and don't eat anything
that can cast it's own shadow. So... I'm kind of better than you
already.
Music: Roxy ;)

I find the saddest bar in my neighbourhood and ask the bartender to
start feeding me whiskey. This goes on for about an hour when I
begin to notice how drunk I'm getting. Time to order some food. But
wait, I don't like eating food in public places. It causes too much
anxiety. After gathering the courage to ask for my bill (I'm
socially inept), I leave a 22% tip, most likely fall trying to get
off my stool and begin my long journey stumbling home. There is a
nice row of bushes near my place that I love to fall into once in a
while. I've put a really nice groove into that bush. It's a source
of pride for me.
When I get home, I order a pizza. While I wait, I pour myself
G&T's and watch cartoons to keep myself entertained. The pizza
arrives, and I place it on my counter. To celebrate, more whiskey
is poured. By this time, I'm light speed drunk and not even hungry
anymore. The pizza just sits there, on my counter, lonely, as I
pass out on my couch listening to the musical stylings of Daryl
Hall & John Oates.
The only hard part of this Friday night is realizing it's only
Tuesday.