all me, a little at a time

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6 A.M and I am awake. To highlight how unusual this is let me tell you this; on my own I usually wake after 10-11 A.M. Why am I awake? I’m not sure except for the fact that I have such an anxiety sleeping. I don’t know if it’s me or the Abilify. I only went to sleep last night because I know I have to sleep, because I was sleepy and didn’t feel like doing anything, and I also had a migraine.

My dreams have been becoming vivid lately. The night before last I dreamt that my left eye (eyeball) had become entirely black. Consulting google, I find this:

A black eye may represent an inner conflict; an argument you had with someone; or an insult or bruised ego or character.

So I got rejected by my first choice grad school – Pace University. I’m not surprised nor am I nearly as upset as I expect I would be. I half-assed the application and don’t think I really have the qualifications for it. However, I really do want to get into that program so I won’t be giving up!!

Instead I’ve decided to apply to two Masters programs and then once I’m done there I can reapply for Pace.

Maybe it’s not my time yet. Or maybe that’s not really the path I’m meant to be on and at some point along the way I’ll find myself on that path.

I really don’t know but what I do know is so far in my life I have been so fortunate and everything seems to work out for the best, ultimately. So, cheers to a reflection and the beginning of something else.

Now I just better not fucking get rejected by the other two school I applied for…

P.S. What in the hell is this optimism and motivation I would wonder except I have to assume it’s the Abilify! It might actually be working folks! Whoop whoop 🙂

Me before You, a Jojo Moyes novel (and soon to be movie) is amazingly written and while the story may be about a woman falling in love with a man there is a bigger question being brought up. Is assisted suicide okay? And if you don’t try to stop someone are you an accessory to their murder?

Will is a quadriplegic who once enjoyed living on the edge but after getting hit by a motorcycle while crossing the street he has to adapt to a completely different life but refuses to, even when finding love and happiness. His life, to him, is not his own and he refuses to accept it as such and instead travels to Switzerland where he can go to Dignitas, a place where he can die by choice.

Throughout the novel you hear a lot of talk from both the main character, and non-existent ones, about the stigma attached to assisted suicide, and how every life is valuable, and one shouldn’t be allowed to kill oneself. Many people have known someone who’s committed suicide. I myself have been through times where it seems like the best option, shit I even know exactly how I want to do it but that’s beside the point. I think we should all have a right to our own body, and our own lives, regardless of age and disability.

If I want to die why shouldn’t I be allowed to. And why not make it less traumatizing for the ones around? Rather then an impulse decision where a person flings themselves off a building or overdoses on drugs, maybe there should be clinics available where people have to go through a waiting period, with therapy, and upon completion, with a plan in action, if they still want to die then let them, painlessly and without judgment. Why should a person be forced to suffer against their own will?

Here’s what’s important according to the New York Times followed by my own personal opinions.

Taliban strike playground in Pakistan.

The authorities are hunting today for the militants who killed at least 70 people — more than twice as many deaths as in the Brussels attacks last week — at a park in Lahore, Pakistan’s second largest city.

About 300 people were wounded. The death toll is expected to rise.

A splinter faction of the Pakistani Taliban claimed responsibility for the blast, and its spokesman said the assault was targeting Christians on Easter.

A fucking playground?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I get how in some twisted way terrorists are seeking justice. There’s some whacko moral behind it but targeting children is beyond me. Children are yet to truly understand the implications of being Christian from the point of view of these terroristic Taliban. Why not target real bad people? You know like rapists, murderers and politicians. Even brothels would be better than a playground. And I bet these sick assholes even know where to find some. If you’re going to be psychopathic murderers why not be more like the Punisher? His agenda at least makes sense.

What confuses me about Trump’s rise most is that aside from the crazy people you see at his rally’s the whole world seems to hate him. Has me wondering if this is all some kind of illuminati government set up. This surely can’t be like a real thing, can it?

• Sanders sweeps.

Bernie Sanders begins the week with hopes of staging a spring comeback against Hillary Clinton. He won decisively in voting in Alaska, Hawaii and Washington State on Saturday.

Go underdog!! I’m completely a Bernie fan. Although I started out Hillary it doesn’t make sense to vote for her just because she’s a woman. Bernie seems to really want to make a difference where as Hillary seems more typical politician. Either way she’s a strong candidate though, so why wouldn’t she want to debate Bernie?

Man up Hilary. Wait that’s sexist. Stop being a Pussy. Nope that doesn’t work either. *sigh* Just Do It?

Every morning this gets coverage on the news and I just don’t understand why. Not to discredit or devalue any of the lives lost here but this isn’t the only terrorist attack in the last week. It’s actually one of the smallest. But this does ask a very interesting question; what turns people toward violence? Probably revenge, and poverty, if not mental defect.

The Syrian governments ability to regain control is amazing but it’s clearly not enough…

• A $15 minimum wage?

A tentative deal by California lawmakers to raise the state’s minimum wage could be announced as soon as today. The wage, which was raised to $10 on Jan. 1, would increase incrementally to $15 over the next six years.

If approved, California would become the first state to adopt a $15-an-hour minimum wage.

It would be wonderful if the whole nation adopted a $15 minimum wage but what about the people that currently make $15? or $20? We all better be getting pay raises because there is no reason why a McDonalds employee should be making as much as an entry level school employee.

So let’s sum it up; the world is going to shit but the media is biased (nothing new), Bernie might actually go up against Trump (why is Trump still here?!) and California may be the best place to live if you have no education.

Happy Easter ya’ll. Even if you aren’t of the faith that recognizes this day I hope you have a wonderful Sunday. While I don’t personally follow the Christ centered religions I grew up in a Catholic family and always celebrated the Hallmark side of the holiday so I still love to paint and decorate eggs with my minion and I think even after she is too old, while I hope she always comes home and paints eggs with me, I think I’ll still do it just for fun. And then throw them out the balcony at children passing by.

This is the ladder into the depths that is the sneaker culture these days it seems. Normally, in a society as materialistically wealthy as ourselves, it seems plausible to expect to be able to walk into a sneaker store for a pair of sneakers you want, wait on a reasonably lengthy line, purchase them and go home. Not to mention they should also be reasonable priced, scaled on the quality of the shoe, rather than the name.

But Nooooooo. How foolish that would be to even fathom such a thing?

No not at all.

If you want the biggest sneaker of the year, every sneakerhead/sneakeraddict/hypebeast/fuccboii dream,- the Yeezy Boost 350’s – then expect to wait on line,

outside,

in below freezing temperature,

in the snow,

for anywhere from 30 minutes to over two hours,

for a ticket,

just for the small chance that maybe, just maybe, you may be lucky enough to win a pair.

This is absolutely insane. With the technology we have there are much simpler, more convenient, cost-effective, and less frost-bite inducing ways to raffle off sneakers!

The big footlocker on 34th street had people entering 3 people at a time while 3 employees wrote down the information for each individual, as every other sneaker store did, but in a way which had much down time between each group of three, completely giving no fucks whatsoever, about all the people, mostly young adults, who were outside in the fucking cold for the slight glimmer of a fucking chance to get these sneakers and be the cool kid.

We are raising sheep. People should not be on line in these conditions for a product from a self-centered artist who makes millions while his fans suffer. Kanye’s such a genius, why doesn’t he raffle them off using his own personal app? Probably because he, along with big money grubbing, corporations like footlocker, don’t really give a shit about the people. They want to make us work, and suffer, for the holy grail of sneakers.