Luminous

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Dear LIB readers: What do I do?

Dear Linda, please share with your readers, I need their advise

About a year ago, I met this guy at the lounge where I used to work. He frequented the place, came with his friends every weekend and they were very important to us. They spent heavily on drinks and all. He started talking to me and would always ask after me when he didn't see me. He got my number and started pestering me for a date. He would give me money, take me out and he was just the nicest guy I'd ever met. After a little while, we began dating. He was honest about his past. He told me he was divorced and had three children with his ex -wife who lived in the US. He said he relocated back to Nigeria after his marriage crashed in 2010. He told me he loved me and wanted me in his life and a few months after we met, I moved in with him. Then I got pregnant, and everything changed.

Immediately he found out about my pregnancy, his attitude changed. He started acting up, he would snap at everything I did, he became distant. It was a shock to me because he treated me well until now.

Then he confessed to me that he was only separated and not divorced. But that's not the worse part. In my bid to find out the true state of his marriage, I contacted his ex. And there lies the shock. His ex-wife is my first cousin. We used to be very close until she relocated to the US eleven years ago. I haven't spoken to my cousin in years but I never imagined that the man I'd been dating was her ex.

I have moved out of his house but I can't remove the pregnancy because I'm far gone. Our family members are already causing problems and telling my cousin to come down to Nigeria and confront me, she has been calling me too and cursing me out. She said they are not divorced or separated, only decided to live separately because of work commitments. I don't know what to do. I have been so angry.

God have mercy on u, all glitter are gold. Watch and look before u fall for someone. U make it secret that is why u are in this mess anyway one advice for keep the pregnancy and move on with ur life. To terminate is a sin

At this point,it is not your fault. You went on what he told you and gave him you trust. Instead of your cousin finding trouble with you,she should sort out her issues with her husband because it is clear they are not on the same page. It is important that you care for your unborn child's health at the moment rather than focusing on her.As for the relationship,i dont think that this kind of man is good for you because if he could not be honest with you now about such a serious issue,how will he be honest in the future? Apart from him bearing the responsibilities of your unborn child, i dont think you need to have anything to do with him. I hope you heal of the pains that he has caused you. Be well o

What you should do? You did the right thing by packing out of the house and i think you should be given a plus for it. Though it is not your fault you got pre-married to your cousin husband. The man is a pig. Another reason why i hate men who are drunk.

This one na real palaver unlike ur last 'straight from the heart' story.Back to the issue at hand. Girl i really feel for you. Really i cant blame you for this cos the guy just took you for granted. I felt you should've brought him to see your folks be4 moving in with him. Unfortunately you are the loser in this. No need cryin over spilled milk though.I think the problem into is divided into 3. Your pregnancy, your cousin and Mr Player.For the pregnancy,since you said you are far too gone,well just start making preparations for your baby. Nothin to that.For the cousin,go and see your own parents,confess everything to them and appeal to them to help you speak to ur cousin/her parents. Let her understand you aint contesting her man with her.As for Mr Player,well guy must be responsible for his deeds. Put a a scare into him. Let him understand you wont leave his life if he doesnt accept responsibility for his unborn child.Well that's how me i see it. Insomnia is such a bad thing. See me playing counsellor on LIB in the middle of the night.

This is why I can't stand Nigerian men!! The kinda lies that they shit out from their mouths just makes me want to fight a lion. This is also why I can never and will never give a man that has kids whether divorced or a widower the time of day. Babe, just count your losses, pick yourself up and be strong. Be strong for your unborn child. Be a woman of strength so that your child will not miss out in this life. Even if that dog you slept with comes back looking for you, so him that he ain't shit and you can handle this situation better than him. I also hope you've learnt your lesson. You don't move in with somebody that is not your husband. Babes, how that one come take happen na? Anyway, it's not the end of the world. Stand as an individual and leave your family to it. Your dignity and self respect is so much more important. Besides a MAN will still come for your hand in marriage. Rise above this. It will be well.

This is why Bible say no sex before marriage, but with that said, what is done is done,I do not condemn, i am sure i am guilty of something too. Pick yourself up and to hell with any condemnation that come your way, you did not intentionally try to hurt your cousin and you were naive enough to believe what was said. Hold yourself together you are about to be a mother which is most important, all other things are distractions. Sincerely apologize where you need to, (People and God)thats all you can do.

You are the cause of ur predicament.. Ntorr.. Next time you will ask questions before u allow any man put his dick inside ur pussy..why did u not use condom? Why did u move in with him? Someone dat has not paid ur dowry.. Veryy good for u... Girls have fish brains and dey were not lieing wen dey said it.. Go and solve the problem u carried for urself.

WHAT IS THIS WORLD TURING INTO? HOW COULD YOU MEET A GUY, SIMPLY BCUZ HE SAID HE LOVES YOU, YOU PACKED YOUR BELONGINGS AND MOVED IN WITH HIM? DIDNT YOUR MOTHER RAISE YOU UP WELL? THE BIGGEST ISSUE HERE IS NOT THAT HE IS YOUR COUSINS HUSSY BUT IT GOES TO SHOW HOW DISPERATE YOU RE AND THE TYPE OF HUMAN BEING YOU RE. I DONT HAVE ANY PITY FOR YOU. YOUR ARE A VERY BIG DISGRACE TO LADIE LIKE ME WHO HOLDS THEIR SHOULDER THIGH FOR BEING A WOMAN.

Comot the belle o! Far gone bawo? Men are crazy, my husband is a great mess too. But I will show him the stuff I'm made of. Some men think they can treat a woman anyhow and getaway with it, lailai! I'm one of those women God sent to this world to dust the trash out their head.My husband was really nice until lately he started calling me names, even cursed my mom amd threatened to beat her. Hmmm! Long story...to be cont'd.

This is the problem with youth of today, abi una think everyman be Tuface that wil take care of his kids. Good for you, you should have closed your legs until he married you proper. And on top of it you moved in with him without him making any official committment. There is a reason why nigerian parents do the asking about a certain individual family, village, etc, before they allow the relationship to progress, so this kinda of things dont happen. All of una wanna do western brand love, oya carry go. My only advice is have the kid and give the child the best life you can, but just know just because the man put the sperm in you, that doesnt mean its his responsiblity, you two made no commitment. I dont blame him, when you realized he changed after you told him of the pregnancy you should have started considering keeping or aborting it. And his your cousin's ex, and you and your cousin are close, i beg, you dont know what closeness is. I dont blame your cousin for getting angry,but she should be more angry at her husband because he was the one that took the vow of fidelity.But you my dear have betrayed and coveted your blood and should ask God for forgiveness. Good luck. You will need it.

I really do hope that you are joking. My.advise for you is to prepare your mind for the absolute worst. Find a hustle, provide a good home for your child, and keep it moving. Nigerian women, please, all these men who 'relocate' and are 'divorced' better do thorough research. Make them meet your parents and do the traditonal thing. These men will NEVER leave their wives in Yankee. Believe me. You are not worth the child support.

Dis is a very sad story, abortion is out of it cos it's murder, good u have moved out of his house as well. Dis isn't d best time to hip blames on u, just pray to God for forgiveness and pray ur cousin understands it was her husby who misled u. The Lord who sees our heart will have mercy on u and give u d strength to carry on. (CM)

Well, u made several mistakes along the way but its too late for the blame game. Now you must try your hardest to get a few family members on your side. Sort out your immediate family 1st before dealing with the lying bastard. Apologise to your cousin in the presence of family members. U must promise to discontinue all relations with the man, only ask that your child be provided for. This of course depends on how reasonable your cousin is, and I doubt she will be. Alternatively, call the man and demand a hefty settlement, so you can move on with your life and baby.

The worst mistake will be to continue seeing him. No matter how tempting it may be financially, DO NOT. Take what he gives you and be smart with it.

I feel for you but in as much as the man is a bloody liar, we women are always very gullible. All the best.

wow mami...complicated issue i must say. good thing tho is,you did not start dating him,knowing fully well that he is/was married to your cousin. anywaiz,like you said, you are far gone and cannot do anything about the pregnancy,even the bible frowns at abortion. well....you have no choice but to keep the baby. and wth were you thinking moving in with a total stranger??some ladies sef, una don fall my hand finish.u meet a guy now and the next couple months,you are in his house..i am not judging you my dear,but that does not speak too well of you...not like you didnt have a place you were staying before this man came into your life. next time,let whoever you are talking to do the right thing by marrying you first before moving into his house. and as far as him deceiving you,let God be the judge of him.

see this is what i have been saying married nigerian women open ur eyes, if nigerian men dont ever feel they wil l have any consequences they will continue in this way. am sorry there is nothing you can do, you should explain to your cousin you had no idea. he is a disgusting man....go and pray for GOD to make a way for you this is a difficult situation....stop avoiding your family members and cousins say your piece and if they are not hearing you, live your life.

Sorry girl, since you can't get an abortion, you have to have the baby. However, you can try to take him to court for having improper relationship, while he was still married and try to get some kind of support for your baby. I can imagine that kind of situation is unbearable. But you can do it :) Goodluck!

As complex as it all is there's nothing that God can't fix. Try Jesus for size, repent and give up your former life to seek and follow Jesus intimately, studying and applying His ways, and watch Him turn around your mistakes in the end.

Start by forgiving yourself first and know that you can still pick up the pieces, as long as you're alive.

Don't fight or quarrel with anyone. Get a good job or hold on to the one you have and take care of you and baby. Forgive and forget the man. True he's your baby's father and you might still love him, but he didn't love you enough to tell you the truth. Besides, he is not yours. Again only Jesus can give you the grace for the healing of your broken heart...and He's waiting on you with open arms.

When confronted apologise for and accept your part in the whole issue. If you truly change, be still through it all and God will give you peace, protect you and defend you.

Like I said it's only in a true relationship with Christ you can find the grace to do all of the above.

ONOME says..........................My dear sorry ooooo.Since you are asking for advice let me give it to you straight.I no dey sugar coat my own o;i go kukuma talk am the way e be;::1.This is the reason people advice that things should be done the proper manner:girl meets boy;girl likes boy;girl and boy date or as my mama dey talk am 'court';boy proposes;girl think am well well and pray;girl gree.Both of them go see girl parents and boy parents.Parents assess and give/withhold their blessings.Then formal introduction and then marriage before pregnancy...... In your case sister as in so many other cases you started from the back o only to have the whole thing blow up in your face.I think the reason the supposedly 'old and archaic'method is better is that it gives time for this sort of infidels to be exposed.But wetin don happen don happen o;like i always say no use crying over split milk.Clean your eye;tighten your belt.Your story is not the first of its kind and it won't be the last.I truly believe that you were absolutely ignorant that he was still married and to your relation.Ok so what to do??? You will deliver your child;apologize profusely to your cousin;get family members to intercede and plead on your behalf if you need to.Whether or not she forgives you and lets bygone be bygone is up to her.... Dry your tears AND TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE.Life does go on dear....The father of this child may not support you in any way but e no matter o.Na your pikin o.And please do not transfer the annoyance to this innocent infant o;he/she didn't ask to be born;he/she deserves to be loved UNCONDITIONALLY..... I wish you the best as you take charge of your life....

Linda biko are these stories made up or real? Sounds just like the one you wrote about few days back!! Smh for some chics sha. A guy says hello and next thing you get preggy 4 him, without knowing anything about him. Na wa o! Marriage is not a do or die affair abeg.

has your cousin even confronted her cheating lying husband this is not your fault, your mistake was not doing things i the right way but then again we live and we learn and many ppl these days have children b4 marriage, but i bet you ppl will judge you. please women if your husband is a serial liar cheater dont let him get away with it, by pretending it is not happening if you confront him and he leaves you should be glad stop being afraid to keep a marriage that is a lie, the bible permits divorce if there is adultery. a lot of nigerian men dont value and respect women because they believe cheating is normal and women are being taught the same. ask yourselves women do you think this is what GOD wants for your life? std, children outside your home, beatings tht will kill you or not e.t.c. we have a choice to make, let us stand up for each other as women and those of you that chase ppls husband plz stop, because men cheat also because they have a willing partner.

i feel so sad for u darlyn. 1st of all i would say i am sorry for this you going through now, no one is above mistake, we all have made mistakes at some point in our lives, u just loved him and trusted and believed him, this is a lesson we all should learn, i wish you found out all this before getting on his bed, but the deed has already been done........ draw closer to God now, a child is a gift from God, know that everything happens for a reason, every disappointment is a blessing. please pray to God to see you through this hectic time of your life. know that God is not a man, he loves you just the way you are................hugs!

What a case really. At this point the deeds been done and there's no way one can turn back the hands of time to right ones wrongs. Only GOD can right such wrongs so I will advise you fall into HIS loving hands for help and to give you peace and also to your family that is being torn apart by this. You also have to be positive about the Child you are expecting as it might be a blessing in disguise and seek to make peace with your cousin and family and that with patience as such wounds takes time to heal and wait for your right partner and suitor who's gonna overlook your past and build a home with you.That's the much I can say. Sure this is a painfull lesson for all. Its a small world and what we do can have a direct or indirect bearing on our lives.

Holy smashagoly poly smogymugy.....in yoruba it means oro pesi je....OMG may God safe all the single ladies out there from evil men in human skin. Gosh i wish i know the guy the thing dey pain me i go send my area boys to go and give him beating of his life cut his dick off too. My dear move on, have your baby, and look unto God for comfort.

This is quite upsetting and is very wrong on many levels. For starters u said he was nice and all to u but he never mentioned marriage so why did u let ur self be soo vulnerable?also moving in with him just showed some kinda desperation on ur part.be that as it may guys should not feel that making all kinds of stories to get inside a girls pantsEhmm as it is U wud have to sincerely beg ur cuz as if it were me I'd curse u out as well. And this bloody wanker of a man what does he have to say?Wish u all d best meennnnnn.....

with my tongue sticking out* ntor! Common' what's with our women moving in with men they barely even know? You've a few dates and the next thing you move into his house?where's our pride? When most men say they are divorced,you have to question that topic well. Cos most time it turns out a big lie!! Now see the mess you got your self into. your family is even against you! Unfortunately,there's lil' or nothing you can do right now b'cos you are far gone and everyone now knows. I'll advise you accept the situation and take it as a phase you are passing through,with time things will sort it self out. Have the baby and nurture him/her with all the care n love you can. Shit happens! But‎​​ Congratulations! you just got ur self an automatic platinum hatred card from your cousin. Nne ndo o?

Keep your baby and back off the man. It's easier said than done, i know, but that's the right thing to do. It's his choice if he wants to have contact with his child or not, but steer clear of him! Pleeeaaassseee!!!!

I can't believe you are even asking us for advise. what do you expect us to tell you? You are so silly for even letting your self get pregnant. why would you be carelessly having unprotected sex with this man without taking the proper precautions after sexual intercourse. I'm sorry for you, not only have you broken your cousins home but i'm sure this is an issue that will continue to hunt you for the rest of your life. unfortunately there is no tangible advise that one can give you except to await the confrontations that are coming and face it. i'm sure this man will not marry you too. so u r at a big loss.ps: I hope ladies learn lessons frm experiences like these. Many men are very deceitful. just because he spends money on u and treats u good doesn't mean he is the nicest guy on earth. most of them do these things to capture women and apparently a lot of women are very gullible.

Oh baby, i feel bad for dis gurl o. But at least b4 u moved in u should have informed ur folks and they'ld have known that he is married to ur cousin. Well, thats past tense now. The man is at fault and God will judge him accordingly. Just tell ur cousin u didnt know. full stop. if you can find a place inn ur heart to forgive urself, then God will forgive u( if he hasnt already done dt). I pray God sees you tru ur ordeal. Ndo oo.

Wow girl, I'm sorry. Some men are truly bitches. One rule I live by is to ask documentation. Divorce are documented, and they have assigned numbers.If you are far gone; please carry the baby to full term. I'm proud of you that you have moved out of his house. You should not have moved into his house unless you are married to him. Make that you rule---- never move into a man's house, unless he is yours(that is married to you); boyfriend/fiance don't mean he is yours yet.

As for your cousin, don't answer her calls yet. Write her an email or letter, stating how the whole situation happened. It is not your fault. If your cousin does not understand; let it be. Get close to those who love and understand your situation. Do not accept the cursing and disrespect from your cousin at all. You have my permission to slap her if she confronts you in a disrespectful manner. She is mumu for accepting to live apart from her husband in the name of job. Her husband would have still gotten another chick pregnant if you were not the girl he meet. I'm sure he is doing some other chick besides you.

Sometimes when God ordained us to abide by his law, i used to think that we are in a civilised world but the moment u heard some pathetic stories like this, it will make u think twice that God has nothing to benefit from us whenever he commanded us to abide by his rules which is just for our own benefit.Sex b4 marriage is something forbidden but we dont take it serious and the consequences of those act is comotion here and there like all these scenerio afflicted on us nowadays. Some women had been dating some guys for several years without knowing single member of the guy's family and they will eventually end up in a news like this and b4 they realised it, it is already too late to handle. How could u live with someone that hasn't paid ur right? if most women do the right thing by following the word of God, it will lesser the evil news befallen on us in our community bcos there is a tendency for women to know the type of family the guy came from .Women..... dont be blind-folded with the love u have for ur Men, tell then to do the right thing if they truely love u bcos most men are naturally polygamous minded, they can change their mind at anytime whenever they set their eyes on new angel but once u hv married to each other by going thru proper channel, it use to lower some men gaze towards opposite sex.

I feel very sorry for you but you must accept responsiblity for your actions. It's a pity that sex is no longer considered only for married couples cos if it was, issues like this won't arise. Cos the probability you will get pregnant even with condom is high and unmarried people are not ready for that responsibility. Even when the guy has promised to marry, cos minds can change at the last minute. I suggest you look for a relative who will be willing to accept you and move in with the person. Ask God, your cousin and family members for forgiveness and he will and start your life afresh. I'll be praying for you. God Bless.

Baby, keep the child, get far away from everybody and avoid any communication with that guy or cousin or family. It's going to be turbulent but in a few years time you will see that you have gotten your acts together and moved on.If you are a christain,get really involved in church.

My dear,Take it to the Lord in prayer!Just begin to face the fact hat you may be a single mother, u may keep a cordial relationship with him if he steps up and decides to be a father, but don't u dear see yourself as his 2nd wife, that is the beginning of your downfall.Your cousin on the other hand us a big fool, u allow a man delicate to Nigeria and it's the woman you are blaming, she should just face front n take care of her kids, all men cheat she should get over it!Also your family members, please direct them to jump off a bridge and mind their own business, unless you are the one asking for their council, and uf so you have dug your grave, just jejely enter it.

All in all, Pray!!! Pray like your life depends on it because it does! God is the only one that is truly there for you!!

hmmmmm this is what under-g relationship causes. Women, when you date a man, let your family know, let his family know. Don't let the man be the only source of information about his background. And why get pregnant for a man that you haven't met his family, who hasn't proposed to you. Na wa for some women oh

Oh boy! I don't have any advice for you once you mentioned your cousin and I am not going to judge you either. So this is to any other young woman reading this.Ladies learn how to protect and take care of yourselves. If you are not ready to have a child on your own, not settled down or do not know enough about the man, do NOT get pregnant. It is 2012 and there are a lot of ways women can take care of themselves, and if you do not know, ask. It is also not fair to the unborn. BE RESPONSIBLE LADIES!!!

first of all you're in a very shitty situation. A. You moved in too fast with this guy w/o investigating him. lesson 1B. After he confessed his marriage to you was another opportunity to get the real dirt on him.C. Ladies when guys tell u that their ex-wife or whoever is abroad its always a RED-FLAG and needs digging out.At this time you can only ask for your cousin's forgiveness by telling her all that happened becos its better for her to hear the TRUTH from you. people will continue to add more to the story, thereby adding more fuel to the already BURNING FIRE

first of all you're in a very shitty situation. A. You moved in too fast with this guy w/o investigating him. lesson 1B. After he confessed his marriage to you was another opportunity to get the real dirt on him.C. Ladies when guys tell u that their ex-wife or whoever is abroad its always a RED-FLAG and needs digging out.At this time you can only ask for your cousin's forgiveness by telling her all that happened becos its better for her to hear the TRUTH from you. people will continue to add more to the story, thereby adding more fuel to the already BURNING FIRE

You are not going to risk your life out of trying to fix something you can't undo. Even if you had not been pregnant your cousin would still be angry because you fucked the husband so ust pray, take care of your child and move on with your life. In the future learn not to collect money and gifts from men and confuse them for love.By the way how come none of your relatives ever pointed out to you that the man you were living with was your cousin's husband? If he was so "in love" you guys ust have been around each other families... How come no one ever said anything and now they are so opinionated?

l really share your pains,worries,fears,frustration with you.l honestly will not judge u because u asked the guy about his past as per his wife.since you said the pregnancy is far gone,u will endanger your life by trying anything funny now.Do everything within your powers to appeal to your cousin and other family members how it all happened.lt is not going to be easy convincing them,but it is a task that must be done.Time heals wound,l pray your cousin forgives u.Good luck

Plz its a mistake, ur cousin should behave jor, its not ur fault, U̶̲̥̅̊ weren't aware its just a coincidence it could happen to anyone, don't remove the pregnancy that's Gods gift to you, pray to God for peace, Guidance and ability to overcome this challenge and phase, trust me you will come out better and stronger.

First of all.i believe that the man here is the cause for all the deceit he has caused you.I would say you are a victim of circumstance.His wife in the States needs to be going after her man,for being such a dog and not confronting you.The damage has already been done ,so cursing you out will not help the situation at all.Your family obviously will over react ,but they will come around..they family...they have no choice at the end of the day blood is thicker than water.And the person who realy needs to be dealt with is the man in question.But for feature referrences do ,do your homework before agreeing to shack up with a dude,especially the ones who r too good to be true.Some call it trust issues i call it its the 21 st century en u have to cautious with evrything you do.Be strong grlllll.....

What a story! It'a a difficult cross road she has found herself but it's a thing that can still be sorted out.First she should admit that it was all a mistake and mince no words that she didnt know the guy was her cousin's hubby. She can be forgiven since she didnt know. Her relationship with the man was without prejudice.Secondly, the trail (pregnancy) will be a painful reminder of the problem anyday. So she should decide whether she will continue to live with the reminder or she will do away with it. All has its own consequence too.She must get all the elderly people in her family to help resolve the issue.

Off topic, but Linda, each and every time you publish stories like this, each and every time people will bore you with 'how my life is going downhill after I met this guy'. It's getting boring, so sorry to sound harsh, people shld pick the consequences of their actions; it goes with the territory.

WHOOOOOIE! Sticky much! Keep calm, the truth shall set you free. When she comes back, have an honest chat with her. If she believes you, fine. If she doesn't still fine. Your conscience is clear. it WAS an honest mistake abi? You have BIGGER things on your mind right now- how will you take care of the baby? how much does the lounge pay? these are very real issues here, cuz if he's pulled a jekyll and hyde-you know say na on your own you dey.I think naija is still a small enough place to run a background check. Ladies can i get an AMEN? There'll always be that somebody who knows somebody that knows the guy. Do your homework before falling for a dude. @least YOU didnt find out he was married on fb... Disconnect your emotions from the guy sharpish!

First thing always with 90% of guys who ask girls out is they wanna get in their pants, now except you want them to then you'll allow it. Secondly any girl that wants to get pregnant gets pregnant. For you my dear I think you acted desperate unnecessarily. If you liked him which I guess you did then you could have played along & known a lot more about him & as for the pregnancy you cannot abort. At least your baby is gonna know who its father is. There's no need to feel sorry for you because it's not all bad. Life goes on only you have to grow up from now on. Goodluck.

1st and foremost I don't think it's your fault,how were you supposed to know he wasn't divorced only separated, you were in love with someone you thought loved you.

I'm glad you were able to get the truth out finally, honestly sweety I think you should move on and make your cousin know that you didn't mean any harm and also tell the guy that yes his the father of the child and he most definitely has to perform his fatherly duties but as for remaining with him I think that's a no no.

I don't think its a difficult thing,u go ahead and have your child and tell your cousin you have no wish to be with her"husband",truly even if he had married you heaven won't ve recognised that marriage! Forget our advancement and the fact we take sin lightly these days,its not right! Go back to your creator and ask for forgiveness! So your soul maybe be saved!

Awwww dear, ur case is pathetic, u did what u were suppose to do first late, u shudda done proper research on the guy before moving in( doe I don't in any way support a lady to move in with a guy she isn't married to) didnt you have a place you were living before you met him??? It's late now for all of those but I think you should explain to your family members and your cousin the story d guy told you, now u r going to have a child outside wedlock and your child and 2 nd cousins wud brodas and sisters......hmmmmmmm!! Your case complicate oooooo, Ladies, please learn to stop accepting just any story you hear from a guy, find out for yourselves.......ask your mum, she would tell you that MEN LIE!!!!!! they can tell a sweet lie with their sugar coated tongue and cud destroy your life, let us charge of our lives.

I tire o....dis story just get as e be...U're far gone with the pregnancy, Just hve the baby and ask for her forgiveness. It's absolutely unfortunate that pple don't learn from other pple's mistakes. For niger, once u hear US, girls hand don fall be dat they open legs. Had an experience of a guy from Ireland who came n asked for my hand in marriage. Told me he detests his wife n they live like sworn enemies...which one be my own. Tell am straight "deal with ur issues n leave me". Pestered me for a while n left me wen I wouldn't change my mind. Don't let money ruin ur life....live with the values inherent in God's word and we will fulfil God's plan for our lives.

The same story, boy-girl-sex-pregnancy-boy beat girl to death-case in court-womans rotten body wasting in grave. Cant u people see why God frowns at fornication and adultery. When would sons of men learn. It's clear some people, mostly girls will chip in comments condemning whoever they found guilty and by 2013, they will fall into the same pit. When people have chosen carnal lifestyle over the righteousness of God. Results comes out same.To the girl in question, satan has got u where he wants u. Forget the problem at hand and seek solution with Christ. Make sure when u have the baby-if u do-that u bring him or her closer to God. So him/her will not be fooled by satan in sleeping with another blood relation. (think I'm too raw, right, not at all. The circle of doom is on. Only ones with eyes would see it).

You are satan's deputy here on earth for you to still be considering an abortion. You stated if you were not far gone. also it is the same greed that got you into this BS that will finish you. Because he was nice to you abi, I hope that your cousin will come and gouge out your eyes, move in ko move in ni, how stupid a story, shame on you!!!

Anger its not the solution!U should focus on going back to your maker,ask for forgiveness and assure your cousin that she can have her husband back! The issue of the baby you can have the child and trust you will make it as a single mom! Thank God you came out of it with your head still intact!

Wow. Well, sadly, nothing shocks me about Nigerian men anymore. I rarely attend weddings, I don't think love exists anymore. Firstly, you didn't do anything wrong except trust the wrong person. See, my dear, trust no man. Not even your brother or your son. Never forget, men will be at loggerheads with you till the end of time (it's in the bible). Now, you need to take care of yourself and your baby. Forget your first cousin, you can't placate her, she's looking for someone to blame rather than dealing with her cheating husband. Look for people who will help you relocate somewhere, with a bit of money too, and start afresh. Be truthful with your child: he/she's father is God, end of story. That child doesn't need that type of physical father such as this. Be strong, be very strong. If you do re-marry, never forget: trust NO man. Treat any man like a client, and keep your emotions to yourself, you'll be fine. Don't ask that man for money for upkeep of the baby, the fool will run to his silly wife so she can attack you further. A friend was in a similar situation, and I had to ask her "who cheated and lied to you, the innocent girl who didn't know he was married or the man who stood before you and everyone to make you his wife?" My thoughts are with you.

why is this 'moving in with' trend fast catching up with us...especially without getting your facts 1st and wen he claims to be divorced...tooo bad you wer foolish{to put it mildly}probably naive.my condolences...on your mistakes...u just have to live wit it...be prepared for the worst cuz ur cos is ....

FOR THE RECORDS:never sleep with a person you are not married to-it saves a whole lot of heartache(u would have found out his wife was your cousin)WHY?marriage is honourable in all and d bed undefiled...God's standard.GBAM!

Emmm firstly when did it become morally ok for Nigerian girls to move in with their bfs?there's nothing you can do but to pray for wisdom n guidance. if u were praying before moving in and all you would have known the man is deceitfulthere are many vultures out there, ladies please keep praying...xx

You have every right to be angry and I sympathise. But I have to be honest, this situation could have been so easily avoided.

1. Why live with a man without the benefit of marriage? If he loved you so much he should have done the right thing b4 asking u to move in with him..

2. Even if marriage was on the cards, why have sex without protection? You'd apparently only known this guy for a short while.

I bow for the kind of high-risk behaviour people indulge in, in this day and age, or has a cure for HIV been discovered in the last 2 seconds?! Pls ladies wise up! With all the stories we hear everyday we shouldn't be so easily taken in when a guy begins to whisper sweet nothings in our ear. These days, unfortunately, honesty is in short supply, so we shouldn't be so quick to give our trust. It has to be earned. Naija babes are supposed to be some of the sharpest around, but I guess when we become emotionally entangled it's not that easy to be objective. It goes without saying that this situation will cause a rift in ur family, but unfortunately u cannot gather spilt milk. You just have to move on with ur life and be strong for urself and ur baby. Smh :-(

Dear LIB patientThere wud b no need to go into d causes of ur prob like 1) Fallin for sumone u dnt knw too well2)Moving in wit him3)Pre marital sexI wud talk on the way forwardU can't force them to have a divorce or force him to marry u or stop ur cousin frm raining curses on u(she is hurt)U just hav to put ur life back on track..(Take gud care of urself and ur unborn child)It is well wit u...there is light and the end of the tunnelGoodluck ...God wud see u thru

My dear, You've done what u can, u've started moving on... u need to keep moving on, please don't be disheartened by the pregnancy, it is already there so welcome that baby with joy and love him/her as a mother should...my aunt found herself in d exact same shoes a few years ago, she wanted to terminate d pregnancy till my father beggd her n made her reason...Today (11yrs on) dat boy is d only child she has n she's never been more grateful for anything.

As for ur cousin n co, u need time to urself, I suggest u cut off from them to get ur peace of mind first at least till u have ur baby and are well enough to handle d drama... dont expose urself to drama dat u cant handle. Your cousin will find her healing somehow. I dont believe its ur fault that her husband couldn't keep his pants up!

Note to u: Now u've learnt to be less gullible at least. Welcome to d world of today's woman! I just had my share sef but dat na long tory...all d best jare!!

Wao first of all girls no matter what a man tells you DO NOT move in wit him without a ring it , because why should a man pay for the cow when he is getting the milk free.....having said that what has happened has happened cut your losses and please move on with your kid the guy is a conman dat was just trying to get his groove on while living away from his wife he isn't worth the tears......its not the end of the world though may your baby give you a reason to smile

when u dey fuck and enjoy the whole poki poki, or when you were enjoying the money , you did not send your case for advice. na when the thing turn sour, you dey seek advice here. i advice you to face the drama alone the way you enjoy the poki, the money and all the caring alone. Maybe there was a poor guy that truely love u b4 u meet the fast spender and u refused him now, you jump at fast spender and you enter big trouble. sorry o just work hard to take care of the innocent baby. thx

Hi, let me start by saying you did nothing wrong in believing his story or in dating him. Sadly guys tell lies a lot this days. What you however did wrong was allowing yourself to get pregnant for him, that was a big mistake. The error has been done and getting rid of the pregnancy isn't the solution, thank God that is out of the picture. This may be hard but when your relatives and his ex call, just tell them the truth even if they certainly may not believe you. You will have to learn to live with the pain and perhaps shame too but if there was ever a time you needed a Companion in Jesus, this is that time. Talk to God about it and ask him for his help, believe me, He loves you more even now, don't let what you have done push you away from Him for He cares for the both of you (baby and you). And next time, pls don't get pregnant. C.C

i would like to add some more insult to your present situation but i can see you have had enough already.....if you really want it to be over. leave town, relocate to a new place and have your baby and start a freash life there. i wish you my dear. mistakes are part of life....its not 100% your fault

ABEG LET ME GO FIND ALL OF MY COUSINS BOTH NEAR AND DISTANT ON FACEBOOK AND TAG THEM ON A PIC OF ME AND MY HUBBY BECOS THIS SLEEPING WITH DISTANT COUSIN HUBBY IS GETTING OUT OF HAND. best thing you can do is to stop stressing and get your own family to help you focus on the baby you will soon deliver. I hope you are not thinking that this bastard will marry you because the bastard is the devil himself and you dont need that. But then you played a foolish role too, a man with 3 children wetin na? This issue is very common you are not the first but you be the bigger person and be wise, as long as he takes care of his child, leave him and his family alone. I pray for peace for you all. Goodluck.

JLinda! Linda! Linda!!! How many times did I call you? I don't like commenting on blogs because I don't window-dress. If I do, na you go beg me... Okaaaay oh!

Dear Angry pregnant girl,its quite an unfortunate situation you're in. The young man who deceived you is mean and will meet his waterloo. However, this is what happens when you want to harvest where you did now sow.You obviously agreed to date him out of all the men in Lagos because of his financial status. Hear you... "They spent so much money on drinks"

Him who the Gods want to kill, they first make mad.He mentioned to you that he had a failed marriage but your lust for cheap comfort & eagerness to be big man's chic blinded you to that pointer. If only you had tried to find out the "divorced" woman's story and know wat kind of man you had found.However, your story would have whipped up a little pity but for the fact that u cunningly "got pregnant" after you had moved in with him... That was a malicious scheme. Was that the first time you were getting laid? In fact, na God catch you, i bu onye oshi... U probably had your own eye on converting your 'kwaran gida' status to 'wife'... Mtscheeeeeeew!!!

Well, Linda, the only positive end I see to this story is that it will serve as a deterrent to girls who don't want to work hard with a man to build & nurture a family and wealth.

My dear ole, go and solve your problems, I suggest you run because when your cousin, who is in a better financial and moral standing shows up, you would see that blood may be thicker than water but semen is much thicker than blood. Lol

Pray for him.... if you really did not know he was still married karma is going to high five him in the face with a chair and you will be there to watch..... however if you did know and you went ahead with it all...then u just got punked so pray for Gods help in this your predicament either way its a lose: lose situation in terms of your relationship with your family and the man in question.... on the other hand children are a blessing so you can be thankful!

May God help you. I sincerely feel sorry for you.However you have to move on, its happened already and the best thing to do is find a way to start your life over. It will be tough but God will help you.Note of warning to all the single ladies out there? Wetin do Naija guys?I am not saying dont date Americana but why dont you date someone whose past you can verify especially someone with no baggage or if there is baggage let it be the one you can carry?somehow just moving in straight with a man and letting him bang you for free every night is hazardous. You lose if it doesnt work! even if no pregnancy is involved, you as a woman still lose some self esteem...we need to be prayerful o and listen to elder's advice

Another rubbish and myopic post.This is just another typical Naija stupid love story .What is it with you ladies and men that gives you money et al?If you were really smart and working for yourself, you wouldn't have made this silly and dumb mistake.Dude made himself a victim just to lay you, and you fell for it.Why??because you were fecking greedy,stupid and thought you loved him and have found a husband.He has 3 kids..How many do you have?How could you be so naive to fall for a man that has a history like that?Divorce indeed?Did you ask for the divorce cert?Hell No....You were dumb and in lust.The reactions of your cousin et al shouldn't bother you.Just learn another lesson of life and carry your cross.Like you and every other girl that gets carried away with men that throw money around, and make themselves victims,You simply fell for a liar....Shame!He beat you at your own stupid and greedy game...

This one is heavy oooo my advice is for her t̶̲̥̅̊ợ̣̣̇̇̇ leave d pregnancy since she's far gone as for d guy she severe all contact wit him unless Ȋ̝̊̅t̶̲̥̅̊ concerns d baby,she ask her cousin t̶̲̥̅̊ợ̣̣̇̇̇ 4give her α̲̅πϑ pray t̶̲̥̅̊ợ̣̣̇̇̇ God.

Why didn't u contact the ex first,before anything,u said he was honest to u.honest my foot,you were blind chasing shadows that's what happened,since u ve a cousin in us,u could ve atleast told her that u met someone that stays in the US

my dear, why did you move in with a man that is not your husband? and why did you get pregnant for him?, since you guys are not yet married....you make shit of the whole thing....why are u ladies so desperate about marriage...pls kindly move out of the house, call your cousin and explain thing to her and stay away from their marriage.....

Speechless is the word...please,make it clear to your cousin and other family members that you were deceived by the man.and look for the best way to start your life anew without your family members.just you and your unborn child.

.....awww its so unfortunate that this has happened and i do not blame you at all..u probably did what every girl would have done as we are weaker vessels there is a tendency for us to fall for all this gimmicks..however you should have taken time and found out about this dude and family before you got pregnant...regardless there is not time or need for regret at this moment...i can imagine that your cousin would be mad at you and your families...but the deed is done...you ccan only pray that things get better..you would have the child cos you stated you cant abort as you are far gone.....have the child and just may be relocate at least distant yourself from the whole mess till is cleared up.....no one else can ever make you happy except you....this mistake has been done and trust me anyone in your shoes would be as confused as you...do not let anyone try and make life a living hell for you ads it could have happened to any one....brace yourself and face up to what ever challenges this comes with..it would only be for a while and you would be fine.As stated earlier it could have been avoided however, there is no need to cry over spilt milk.... pray to GOD and you will be fine

My dear so sorry abt that,men is what they are,but u claimed to be very close with ur cousin then,why didn't u hint her abt the big fish u caught in Nigeria atleast one thing could ve lend to the other the man's name will come out,well so sorry again but don't terminate the pregency ok,is well ask your cousin for forgiveness is hard anyway but just try,ok,may God be with u,

Re yu sure this is nt the same babe dat slept with her cousin's Husband.... ?!?!? Permit me to say this "Ladies we re dumb" why do we open our legs jst after a few materialistic gains!!!! Na wa for G-Strings Issues

Lady, in the first place you caused all the problems for yourself. You should have made out time to get to know this man a lot better before packing in with him, and even to the extent of getting pregnant before marriage. All you need to do is to take some time out from everyone around you. Find somewhere else to go and be delivered of that baby, then you can move on with your life. The mistake is made, but it is not irredeemable.

Have ur baby and move on with ur life. Ur happiness joy or success is not dependent on one man. This is d harsh truth but u have to move on. If u put God first, he will always be there for u. Children r a gift from God so believe when I say if u remain positive and care for ur son, eventually, u will smile. Just take it one day at a time and never forget that u were specially and wonderfully made. And everything u desire in life! As long as u petition God, he will supply them. It's only a matter of time

Linda. True, I am not sure you are not making up these stories yourself somehow just so you can get our tongues wagging. I know that your stories are possibles but for the last two, they leave quite a number of gaps to sound realistic.Something just doesn't add up here. How come, if they exist if there are and had been these persons with all these probs, that they don't clarify stuff in the blog as different persons contribute to solving their problems. I mean, if indeed I have a problem and present it to LIB readers to advice, there should be times when I would have to react to someone's post just so as to put perspectives in order. Rather we note that these complainants never say nothing. maybe because, they don't exist.

Anyway, If what you posted here is true, what exactly does she want LIB readers to advice her? So she's angry? What is she supposed to be if not that? Is it to advice her to terminate the preg? She already knows she can't. Or to ask her to go back to the guy? That won't do cause the fellow is still married to her first cousin. I guess its just her cousin she's got to make up with.

If this your story na true, then I suggest she looks for a matured and credible mediator to make things right between her and her cousin. For, there was never any intent on her part to cheat on her. Everything she did with her cousin's husbby was done cause she believed the man as being genuinely unattached any more. Pity is the word anyhow. Shit just happens in this world of lying and deceitful people.

Somehow the man in question who as far as I am concerned is callous and evil and to be blamed for this unfortunate event should be made to live up to his responsibilities over the coming bundle of joy in the person of the soon to be delivered child. She should just move on with her life. Church is life(such is life)

you are an IDIOT. You met a man and then moved in with him (ASHAWO METHOD). Before moving in was there not supposed to be marriage contract? either by first meeting your parent and the neccessary things to be done. you open TOTO and yansh, now you are yaning OPATA.

I guess one cant dwell on the past and say you should have not and you should have done, since, if this is your story for real the only comfort you have now is God.

But to be honest, you as a person need to mature from your uncomfortable situation and change your way of thinking for the better. A few drinks and money should not have been enough for living together in months and definitely not pregnancy.

You judged him and loved him based on him spending and dining and pestering. Its a mans nature to do all those things so why was that special enough for you to go the whole 9 yards?

Its amazing how you did investigation AFTER you got pregnant. You sef, if you were looking for something serious you would have been doing research on the stranger you were talking to whilst dating to confirm the stories. Even if you never knew the woman you may have at least know if the divorce was confirmed.

Sorry but you accepted the drama, now you have to face it. Learn to be a better person and implant good morals into your child. Life is not over, its how you recover in all things.

God can bless anyone and turn anyone's life around. In future the character of a person is what you should be watching and feeling. Sex, so fast and pregnancy while your still doing research is like a poison formula! That was just silly... sorry luv, but its true... All the best, stay prayerful and try not to be angry with yourself no more... cos it cant be with anyone else.

Baby just go to the market and buy a seat and wait for trouble because you called for it. How can you move in with a man simply he told you he was divorced. You could have asked for his divorce papers, pictures of his family, that would have saved you the stress you have put yourself into. Why did you get pregnant in the first place without any marriage committment. You are simply looking for people to pour more salt in the hot fire you have already rekindled for yourself by asking LIB readers for advice. You need to snapp out of your anger and look for a solution by yourself.

Linda, when did your blog become a "Dear abby" column? These letters are sounding really far-fetched,not for the content, because Im sure these things happen, but for the similarity and trying to find answers on this blog. Linda, are you sure you are not having something with one of your cousin's husbands? Biko, tread lightly.If this is a real letter, here's my reply: nobody cares about your problem that you brought upon yourself. Everyone has their own problems. The "I'm divorced or separated" ruse is the oldest one in the book. Go fuck yourself, and if you cant deal with the consequences, go kill yourself.

Its just very unfortunate that life itself is a big risk.Is it now wrong to fall in love ? Anyway you can move on and loose your cousin and her husband's contact, give birth to your baby and am sure some other man will still take you for who you are... so sad tho

Baby just go to the market and buy a seat and wait for trouble because you called for it. How can you move in with a man simply he told you he was divorced. You could have asked for his divorce papers, pictures of his family, that would have saved you the stress you have put yourself into. Why did you get pregnant in the first place without any marriage committment. You are simply looking for people to pour more salt in the hot fire you have already rekindled for yourself by asking LIB readers for advice. You need to snapp out of your anger and look for a solution by yourself.

These kind of stories keep cropping up. Why do women prefer to listen and believe lies. especially if the guy is a 'nice'man and spender.This lady did not confirm the guy's status before opening her legs for him to pop champagne.

Time to cut your losses and keep it moving. You're now a single mother. Embrace it; deal with it. Stupid girl spreading her legs for a man she doesn't know without a condom or contraceptives! She wanted to trap him, huh? LOL!!!! Stupid people deserve whatever comeS to them.

There is nothing else to do than what you did. Move on with your life face reality and stay clear of that shady guy for good. Your so-called love story is history. Forget it.You will always remain linked since you're expecting by the way I hope the pregnancy was no set up. I smell something fishy here how come his attitude changed after finding out you were pregnant. Did you try to trap him with a pregnancy? I can't believe some women are still trying this shit in 2012! Next time you move in with a guy, make sure your family meet him. You didn’t know who was his former wife how about your close relatives? Nobody ever met him before you?You will have to face the wrath of your first cousin, brace yourself it is only the beginning.

its sad to get taken advantage off. I am a guy and a message to ladies never Put out so easy and hold back from time to time. and yh Facebook vouyerism is allowed, do more of it but dont get caught up and paranoid. as for your cousin she is daft. your calling her to find out you are related is unfortunate. Like i tell ladies and guys; you should never hold the 3rd party, hold your partner. the 3rd party saw, liked and fell; and is usually an innocent victim.

Sorry. Just hope the Baby brings you more Joy and you find a " Nice" guy.

Send your cousin an email, telling her how sorry you are and how it all happened. The lies her husband gave you, everthing. Tell her you have moved out and you would never have anything to do with her husband again. Please show your sincerity in your mail, that you are truly sorry. Tell her you are going to call her in two days to talk all things over. Make sure you establish the fact that you do not want her husband again ooh. Then call in two days and talk about the pregnacy. If you mean far gone, how far? I know it a great sin brfore God, but you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life and your child would be an outcast. The other option is to keep it and start running after this irresponsible man for upkeep. I can categorically tell you, he wouldnt do shit for you. Can you look after your baby yourself? If you can, have your baby and cut of completely from the fool and his wife. But then again, they are family. This is a tough one. But really its up to you. But you have to talk to your cousin. If shes shouting and raving, you just remain very calm and tell her you are sorry. You can both work this out. Just remain calm. As for the man, please keep away.

I think the problem is from you, because when a Nigerian lady gets hold of a genuine man they think the first thing to do is hold them down with pregnancy, you cant get pregnant for a man who is not married to you nor who has not agreed to. that is how it is done. I wouldnt advice you to abortion though but i believe you should go and your knees and pray to God.

God will punish dat man for coming into ur life to destroy it,wat was his thinking wen he asked u to come to his apartment and live with him ,having unprotected sex with u as if u told him u were barren,as for his god forsaken wife too,god will punish her for cursing u becos u didn't snatch her husband frm her ,I advice u to leave the child and pay deaf ears to her,dat pervert will surly pay for coming into ur life to destroy it, it is well,just move on

well firsts thing first u shouldn't have gone so far with a guy u aren't married to... moving in with him and having sex that's like going the whole nine yards without any form of long term commitment was wrong.. but that's all in the past now.. moving forward u have to remove yourself and your unborn child completely from that environment of hate and abuse, u have to relocate if u can if not stop all contact with any member of your family that still judges u but before u do. send your cousin a long ass letter explaining everything because technically if all u have written is true u had no idea that he was still married. explain to her and cut all ties with her and everyone else because in the long run that kind of environment snit appropriate to bring up a child in. u will be fine.

Damn, now that's a situation. Pls LIB readers no cursing. She really needs our help. Damn men are suckers for pussy. What evil this thing btwn our legs have done to all of us.

Met some dude ending of 2009 who said the same separated shit, Omo the guy nice and all but after one week i dropped the mic. If you could marry her den you should go live with her.

Okay back to you love, you didn't know he was still married so its totally not your fault (Lets learn to ask for divorce papers). Its good you moved out, forget all them family lunatics don't even feel bad for your cousin as it's obvious she does not know who to channel her energy to. Trust me that baby is the best thing that ever happened to you. Don't even ask for his support, raise your kid in peace. If I don't find a worthy husband i'm definitely getting myself 2 kids *wink*. You all don't have to say it 90% of married women are unhappy. SO why rush into taking up a name that might destroy you

Men! Such assholes! People are going to judge you and say crap because you moved in with him and such, but you've already taken the right first step and moved out. It WAS NOT your fault. I don't see what much else you can do except to have the baby, pray to God for guidance and for strength and stand up to your family and somehow try to take solace in the new creation you are bringing into the world. Your cousin should look to her cheating husband or divorcee or whatever the hell he wants to call himself if she wants to blame somebody. He's the one who lied and broke vows.

You know what, have your baby,cut off from the guy and his wife and move on with your life. Accept it as your cross. You shouldnt have moved in with a guy like that.As for your family, they knew when you were living with the man and they didnt advise you to do the proper thing. So they are to blame too. Ready made men lie a lot.Some would tell you how much they hate their wives, how they want to move out, get divorced. Men would always lie, to get what they want.So you made your mistake, just move on.

I guess this is where the christian doctrine no sex before marriage rains supreme. There's nothing left to do unless you wish to relocate and start afresh with your baby. Next time though never get or stay pregnant for a man that you aren't married to.

I guess this is where the christian doctrine no sex before marriage reigns supreme. There's nothing left to do unless you wish to relocate and start afresh with your baby. Next time though never get or stay pregnant for a man that you aren't married to.

You need to sit down with this guy and talk because he needs to take responsibility for his actions. You have done nothing wrong expect to trust a man who decieved you. Your family and cousin should understand how you got here, if her husband wasn't nice to her and showed her care would she marry him? He did the same to you coupled with a bunch of lies. A baby is a blessing from God and I pray he/she brings just that to you. Trust in the lord with all your heart and he shall make a way for you

The problem with dumb babes is day they will never try to find out things by themselves. They live their lives with mere words. A guy told u he was divorced and u cldnt ask to see d cert sometime or go to us embassy site and confirm. D girlll is just dumb. Period.

i think its just a big misunderstanding...i get that your family members here might be ignorant but i expect more from ur 'used to be close' yankee cousin...have a meeting with her and her ex and talk things through,see what happens...n if every1 is still bein an ass bout it...leave,u nid a change of environment at least for the baby

Hmmmn! girl u would have conducted an investigation before dating a divorcee men lie alot, they can tell you anything to get you laid. its so sad i cant support abortion cos that child can later be your only source of joy. just have your baby and be happy.

In tinz like dis you just have to relax and think tinz over. It is not ur fault at all cos he lied to you and led you on. For now pls try to forget the past and start planning for the life of being a single mother. I wish you all the best.

Wow, first to comment! The mistake is made and there is no need to cry over spilled milk. You should not think of abortion cos that not even an option. Give birth to your baby and as hard and un-comforting as it sounds, my dear, MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE! Forget the past, get back to God because you missed it with Him. Avoid if possible any confrontation with your cousin. I know he will pick up the broken pieces of your life and make it a see-sight. I believe I made sense!

My dear,its always nice to dig deep before committing to any relationship especially when the person in question married before. As it stands,u will keep the baby,you will have to apologise to ur family especially ur cousin.it will be difficult trying to convince her but ur mind n soul will be free after telling the truth about how it all started.you still have ur life to live,you r down now but u will rise again. It all means u have to work extra hard for urself and the baby cos the father may not be too concerned. One last note,gals,don't ever think of becoming a second wife,yOu deserve to be number one.

OMG Maaam please take it easy ..The Lord is your strength i get how angry you would feel and you might cause harm to your baby ....Im so sorry...as long as you know you were oblivious to the matter your conscience is clear....did the guy know who you were? i pray you find someone to comfort you, even if it means praying to God