Dumbass Pages

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Hand Sanitizer: The New Vodka for Dumbasses

Why didn't I think of this when I was a Professional Drinker?

Drunks or addicts are always looking for a new cheap way to get high. They resort to over the counter medications like Sudafed, Nyquil or even mouthwash in order to get a buzz. I am sure you have heard of this.

Just yesterday, however, I discovered a way to get a buzz on that would not in a million years have crossed my mind, and now that I know about it, still wouldn't do it. But it's a novel idea nonetheless.

The latest "magic elixir"? Hand sanitizer. Yes, that stuff you wash your hands with to get all those pesky viruses and other bad shit off of them. Not only does hand sanitizer rid your hands of bacteria that could make you sick, it packs quite a wallop evidently.

DUI

Clean Hands & a Clean Liver

A lady gets pulled over while driving because she was all over the road and nearly hit a parked car. Upon approaching the lady, the office who pulled her over smelled alcohol. The lady denied that she had been drinking. At least she hadn't been drinking likker. She had been slammin' down hand sanitizer!

According to the Daily Mail, upon further review, she later admitted to downing half of a large bottle of hand sanitizer.Medical experts said a 20z bottle of the liquid contains about the equivalent in alcohol of four vodka shots.Wilcox, from Middlebury, Connecticut, is thought to have drank the equivalent of 32 shots giving her blood alcohol level of 0.17In an interview with News 8 Wilcox, who decline to have her photograph taken, admitted to drinking hand sanitizer.

She said: 'I just saw it there so I drank it.'

When asked how much she drank, she replied: 'Half a bottle.'She told the TV station she drank from a big bottle but after being charged with DUI said it was the last time.

Observations

Hand sanitizer? Really?

Why?

Cheap vodka is only about seven bucks a bottle and tastes much better, I'm sure.

It was "just there"? Clorox Bleach is "just there", but I can assure you that I have absolutely no inclination to grab a shot glass and go to town on it.

If it's that good, why stop at half a bottle? Only amateur drinkers do this. Go for the Big Time, baby! Slam the whole damn bottle!

How many hospital workers feel the urge to knock back a few shots of hand sanitizer while on duty? That shit is everywhere in hospitals and those people are under a tremendous amount of stress.

I will now take a Breathalyzer with me to all doctor visits and the occasional trip to the hospital.

This is what happens when you live in a Communist State like Connecticut.

This calls for immediate Hand Sanitizer Control measures.

When they outlaw hand sanitizer, only outlaws will have hand sanitizer.