It's hard not to respect Nick Saban. Not because he's a good coach or anything, but because he constantly reminds us of college football's rich history. Want physics-defying running backs who wow us for two years before flopping in the pros? He's got 'em. Want linebackers simply bigger and stronger than the other team's players? He's got 'em. Tiring, conservative schemes? He's got 'em. And small-time criminals? Oh yeah, Saban's got 'em.

Today we learn of the arrest of four members of the Crimson Tide, three of whom, according to police, confessed to concussing and robbing two men early Monday morning. Their m.o., per the police report, was fairly standard: Find someone, beat him up (with punches to the face and kicks to the ribs), knock him unconscious, take his wallet and his computer. This is what the three—wide receiver Eddie Williams (pictured), defensive end D.J. Pettway, and linebacker Tyler Hayes—allegedly did to their first victim. Williams apparently attacked and robbed another man later that night while Pettway and Hayes sat in a car and watched. Williams later allegedly used an Alabama-issued debit card he stole from his victim to buy snacks from a dormitory vending machine.

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Williams, for what it's worth, might not be the greatest dude. This was his second arrest in three days. On Sunday, according to police, he refused to pay for his gas, and threatened the station attendant by mentioning he had something in his trunk. Police say they stopped him shortly thereafter and found an unlicensed pistol in his pants pocket, a crime which appears to be no more serious in Alabama than a moving violation. He was released after paying $500 bond.

Each of the three has been charged with second-degree robbery, and they're unlikely to play for Bama anytime soon. (Not that they were playing all that much in the first place. Hayes had 14 tackles all season, Pettway had eight, and Williams never played.) But what of the fourth, running back Brent Calloway, who's been charged only with fraudulent use of a credit card?

Well, he'll tell you:

Don't try me, dude. Or I might just take your university-issued debit card and buy SO MANY SNACKS.