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Life as a Crew Member : Cruiseline Confidential

We have reviewed a few books on this blog in the past, and these reviews have always proved popular, we have also discussed cruise lines that are no longer with us, including Premier Cruise Line, where this book is set.

Cruiseline Confidential, Part 1
The Boy, The Fish & The Bollox!
BY JAMES R. SPENCER
Copyright 2008 by Skinuporshutup Productions

FIRST DAY VIRGINS

I was quite apprehensive as I walked towards the gangway that I would have to cross to board the Oceanic for the first time. More with nervous excitement than with fear but, their was still a washing machine on its spin cycle whizzing away in my gut. As we all entered the ship for me, it felt like passing in to another dimension. I was hit smack in the face by the air-conditioning and lots of different looking people all moving around at what seemed supersonic speed, all dressed in similar uniforms. This was the Pursers area, like the reception in a hotel only more compact and flashier.

I spoke my first words to a crew member here. His name was Mark Stimpson who, was the Chief Purser. Obviously I was looking rather pale and carrying a couple of suitcases it rather gave the game away that I was a ‘Newboy’ In addition, I was wearing a Leeds United football shirt, which was a little clue. He introduced himself as Mark from Portsmouth and asked me what I would be doing. So I told him I was a waiter. That brought a bit of a sparkle to his eyes and he said ” topman! I hope you’ve left your fucking liver at home! Because you won’t need it here “. At that, he disappeared in to his office. A bit weird I thought but, he seems a bit of a lad, and having bloodshot eyes and wearing four gold stripes on his arm he definitely looked like the sort of bloke I could get on well with.

While I was talking with Mark, the Crew Purser was checking over our papers and invited us into her office. It was getting better by the minute. The Crew purser was responsible for all the crew embarking or disembarking the ship, payments of salaries, cabin assignment, and basically anything to do with the needs of the crew. She was another Brit. Her name was Sarah, she was quite attractive, tall, long mousy hair and she wasn’t wearing a Bra! How could I tell? Well the uniform consisted of a dark blue skirt and a very thin short sleeved white shirt. All I could focus on was these ginger biscuits with cherries on top protruding from the part of her torso, just below her shoulders……smashing, mmmmmmmm!…