You assume that you know what their thinking,
what they want,
what to say.
You assume that you know.

But what do you know?How do you know?
How can you be so certain?
What gives someone the ability to assume?

Similar experiences – that’s what allows us to make assumptions.

That’s what I’ve heard.

But how similar are our experiences? Similar enough that you can start to make assumptions?

Scenario.

I just found out that I won’t be working anymore. There were cutbacks. I’m jobless. You’re my friend and I’m talking to you, explaining how upset and sad I am. You’re my friend and you say
I know how you feel, I know what this means for you.

I say
Yeah.

I think
Really? How the hell do you know how I feel? How do you know what this means for me? How is it possible that you know how I feel? You’ve never had to work for anything. Your job is safe and stable. Your dad isn’t going to fire you. How in the world do you know how I feel?

You, my friend, continues on to say
I lost my job once as well. Things will work out.

I say
Yeah.

I think
What are you talking about? We had different jobs. Different financial status. Different parents. Different reasons for the firing. You and me aren’t the same. I react to things differently. I’m not like you. I can’t let this go so easily.

End Scenario.

In these sort of situations it’s tempting to turn it around on ourselves and talk about how we had the “same” thing happen. I need to accept the fact that you are not me and I am not you. My circumstances are different than yours and we need to be so very careful and mindful when we begin to compare. If I’m not careful I’ll end up minimizing you. I can relate with you to some degree and maybe offer some advice (not a lot of advice but SOME advice) but I cannot assume to know you and all the intricate little details of who you are.

There’s a lifetime of differences between you and me and it’s impossible to share those differences.

2 Comments on “#3 _ you won’t know”

I once had a person tell me the dangers “assume” by asking me how you spell it. Upon spelling it correctly he said, “That’s right! It makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’.” In the scenario, one mistake was certainly the friend assuming his experience was similar to yours. Key: ask questions and allow the other person to vent and share. Thanks!
Eric