Wednesday, September 1, 2010

L.O.C. (Letter of Complaint)

Dear MADD (Mothers Aligned with Dental Destruction)

You are making me FAT (Feel A little Toothachey). Your little jar of jujubes sit there on my counter every day.. and stare at me... asking me to please just put a dollar in and then I can have some gummy goodness.

I don't even like Jujubes!!

That's the worst part... it used to peppermint patties...and I don't like those either, but at least after I ate one I would remember that I didn't like them.

The peppermint sticks to you for so long that it would only be one every few weeks... maybe around PMS time (Peppermint Munching Syndrome).

But now you Mothers have changed your minds, and believe that GCG (Gummy Candy Goodness) is the best way to avert the DUMB (Driving Under Many Beers) accidents.

I'm not even going to try to imagine how this money actually helps drunk drivers... never have I been at the pizza place a 3 am and seen a MADD sponsored vehicle pull up and offer me a ride home.

Nor do they hand out MADD sponsored taxi vouchers at the bar.

All I can see that comes with this maddening effect of fundraising is that every few weeks you come along and fill the JuJube jar back up again.

(which I can't really complain about, since near the bottom of the jar it is only the baggies left with lots of green or black candies in them...IDEA colours... as in I Don't Eat Any of those colours. )

The only other effect that MADD seems to have on my life is that they are leaving my cash drawer to be a little SOL (Short On Loonies).

Kayla does not seem to be as effected by their LURE (Loathsome Urge Regarding Eating) as I am... she claims she eats them too, but I think she just says that to make me feel better.

As well, I have never seen a client fall victim to the jujube either. Not once have I seen anyone else ever put money in that jar, or eat any of the CINDYs (Calorie Infused Nutrient Devoid Yummies).

The solution to this problem, is not a WIMP (Willpower Increasing Management Program) but something as simple as a new fund-raising system altogether.

I'll call it MEWAC (Monetary Exchange Without Any Consequences). I'm simply asking that MADD removes the UT ( Unavoidable Temptation) from our counter top, and instead simply shows up every third week, takes a twenty from my cash drawer and walks out.

I see no reason why we can't come to this arrangement WI-FI (Without Involving Furthur Incidents) but should there be any problems I will be more than happy to involve the DEA (Diet Enforcment Agency).