After initially agreeing with the decision to disqualify badminton pair Yu Yang and Wang Xiaoli after “not using one’s best efforts to win”, the Chinese authorities appear to have changed their mind.

Far from any accusation of cheating, Chinese officials assert disqualification shows the gap between Asian and Western standards.

A spokesman for China’s Olympic Committee said today:

“Badminton is a game of skill, but it is also a game of strategy. The competition is organised in this way, so playing to avoid the other Chinese pair until the final is simply common sense.

“Why is strategy like this against the rules? It is not cheating, just Western cultural bias invading global sport.”

It was also stated that the Olympic values of ‘friendship’ had been violated, as the badminton authorities had not understood Chinese differences and simply applied arbritary universal standards of ‘fair play’.

The Badminton World Federation said it would consider all legitimate protest and the arrangment of the tournament for the future, but the athletes would remain disqualified, red envelope notwithstanding.

Angela Merkel attacks Paris for allowing its economy to misfire and installs German finance official to ‘aid progress’

As the new Socialist president and the German leader’s relationship flounders, Mrs Merkel’s criticism of François Hollande has grown ever stronger.

In a last ditch attempt to save the Euro, Germany has sent out a crack team of financial experts, one to each Eurozone member state, which shall report directly back to the German leadership.

They will hold no official power within the country’s government, but will expect co-operation in providing the relevant economic information, projections and forecasts, alongside privileged data related to their progress on austerity.

According to one German newspaper: ‘Germany will fight politically and use all its economic expertise within neighbouring countries to keep the strong ties that the Euro brings.’

Critics of the move believe Germany is exercising supranational jurisdiction beyond the terms of the treaties and agreements in place, forcing other European governments to operate as Germany wishes against their will.

Some more extreme examples compare the current administration with the Nazi regime. The Germans vehemently disagree. As one official put it:

‘This time around, all the governments agree that the German way is best for them.’

‘Canal’ to be completed by 2030 between the River Tweed and Solway Firth

Speaking at the launch of the ‘Yes Scotland’ campaign in Edinburgh, the SNP leader Alex Salmond raised the possibility of an aquatic division between Scotland and England that could be constructed by as early as the end of the next decade.

The project dubbed ‘The Bruce Boundary’ would consist of a man-made canal approximately half a mile wide from the respective coasts at the River Tweed and Solway Firth, taking a more direction route than the actual boundary. Border control would be based within the small part of Scotland remaining on the other side, bridged only in the centre by ‘The Aurelius Retreat’.

Naturally, like the rest of the independence bid, this venture would be entirely beneficial to Scotland with no apparent downside, according to Salmond. He said today:

‘The Bruce Boundary would be a great asset to Scotland’s economy, whereby trade can pass through on the way to Scandinavia. Rather than being caught up in the traffic nightmare of the English Channel, vessels can take the Scottish Channel instead. What’s good for Scotland is good for England too. And the world.’

Critics of the move feel it won’t all be plain sailing, with voting intentions already suggesting the SNP’s figures are adrift. The SNP leader dismisses most as ‘English rhetoric’.

Many have suggested that greater links with the rest of the UK should remain, including established land routes, but Salmond believes there are plenty more fish in the sea.