Intercourse Lands 2016 Olympics

(INTERCOURSE) – The International Olympic Committee has announced that the 2016 Olympics will take place in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

Key to its decision, said the IOC, was the Lancaster County community’s rural setting and the slogan submitted by Mayor Levi Stoltzfus: “Intercourse 2016: The World Is Coming.”

In his passionate appeal to the IOC at its meeting in Denmark, Stoltzfus conceded that his mostly Amish village of roughly 1,000 people has no athletic facilities and that until last year, he had never heard of the Olympics. He followed up with a promise to hold a series of “stadium-raisings” in late 2015 to prepare, and that — along with a detailed explanation of Amish workmanship — seemed to satisfy the international panel.

The games will mark the first time that coed naked rakefighting will be sanctioned as an official Olympic sport.