learning

They (whoever ‘they’ are!) say confidence is one of the most attractive things you can wear. And it’s true.

Some people just seem to have ‘it’ naturally.

The X factor, the gravitas, the ‘je ne sais quoi’ that makes them stand outin any room. The thing that makes them unafraid to take risks and make things happen.

It’s not competence, folks. It’s confidence.

AND, even more than that, it’s about being BRAVE. And it’s available to all of us.

In preparation for my upcoming talk at SHRM next week (I’m delivering a mega session to 2000 people… EEK!) I’ve been doing more research recently about confidence and bravery ~ what it is, what it isn’t, what kills it, and what builds it.

I came across an amazing book, The Confidence Code, written by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, who share some incredible insights.

It turns out both nature AND nurture affect our confidence.

Some fascinating research exists on the fact women and men’s brains are actually wired differently, we produce different hormones, and we each have an individual genetic make-up – and all of these play a role in terms of how confident we are naturally.

And, there are also thoughts and behaviours that are learned through our experiences, upbringing, and society. (Did you know that in a Harvard study looking at gender effects on performance, girls who had to write out their gender on a math test before completing it, performed more poorly than those who did not have to write it out?!? Crazy!)

There are also ‘bravery killers.’ And that’s where I want to dive into today. Because, as it turns out, I’m noticing some of my own bravery killers that I admittedly employ on perhaps too regular of a basis.

Perfectionism

A study showed that women want to have approximately 85-95% of the qualifications on a job requirement before submitting an application. Versus men, who apply when they identify as having 15-25%!

We wait until there is very little likelihood of failure before taking action.

We also tend to over-prepare, if anything… in wanting to ensure we get things right, we look good, and we avoid looking bad.

We want to be perfect, appear perfect, and perform perfectly, all too often. And because it’s an ideal that doesn’t exist, we often feel bad about ourselves when we fall short.

Or, we live in perfectionist paralysis, and don’t put ourselves out there at all.

People-Pleasing

Ah-yes, people-pleasing.

Yup, I still do that, too.

Now in my defence, women have a more active hippocampus in our brains than men do, and so are more wired for connection and empathy. While this can be looked at as a good thing, we also have to be careful. It’s a proven fact women are more interested in being liked than being respected, and as a result we often care too much about what people think.

At times our behaviours are more motivated by not wanting to ruffle any feathers, or by wanting to be liked, instead of doing what is right for us.

Procrastination and/or P-a-u-s-i-n-g (and over-analysing!)

Sometimes tied to perfectionism, the idea here is we tend to spend FAR too much time thinking and analysing. Waiting to feel ready or good enough or for the perfect moment to arrive before taking that first or next step.

We hesitate. We pause. We ruminate. We procrastinate.

And when we get too caught up in our heads, we tend to imagine worse-case scenarios, listen to the negative voices in our heads that tell us we can’t, we’re crazy, or our idea will never work.

And as a result, we often don’t take any action at all.

Okay, so how do we move past these bravery killers?

Awareness, Insight, Action.

First, you need to identify what killer is coming up for you in the moment.

Gain awareness, and get real. Are you taking on a behaviour or an action because it feels right to YOU? Or because you are trying to get someone to like you?

Are you finding an excuse as to why you’re not taking on a behaviour or an action because you’re stuck in your head? Are you listening to those negative voices? Are you wanting to be PERFECT before you even begin?

Notice what is happening. And examine why it may be happening for you. Look inside yourself. Insight brings clarity.

And finally, it’s time to take ACTION!

The only way to build bravery is through action. PERIOD.

You’re not going to think your way into feeling more confident. Instead, you have to choose to get into actin before you feel ready. That’s what it means to be brave.

Action builds your bravery muscle, even if the action isn’t related to the area you may be lacking it.

And action is contagious. That first, small brave move is all you need to take!

If you were even braver than you are right now, if you were even more confident than you are right now, what one small action would you take?

And WHEN are you going to take it?!?

Today seems like a pretty good day to me! Go ahead, I DARE you!

You don’t need to learn any more, get any more qualifications, do any more prep work.

I truly believe each and every one of us is here for a greater purpose. And when we are holding back or letting our confidence killers get the better of us, we’re not showing up in the biggest version of ourselves. And we’re not going to make the biggest impact we can make.

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Which bravery killer holds YOU back the most? And what is that one small action you are going to take (maybe even today?!?) to move you forward?

This week I had the privilege of speaking in Ottawa as part of the Association of Public Sector Information Professionals (DPI) Professional Development Week.

I have to say they were an AWESOME group… engaged, present, and ready to play full out. And considering it was a beautiful sunny day, the fact they chose to stay indoors, and to learn and grow, tells me how dedicated they truly are to their work.

It’s important to be dedicated to the work you do.

It’s important to be engaged in the work you do.

It’s important to care about the work you do.

(Although a scary stat ~ according to a Gallop study conducted last year, only 32% of the U.S. workforce were actively engaged in their work. EEK!)

That being said, it’s also important not to be too dedicated or care too care much about the work you do, that it ends up being ALL you do!

When was the last time, you had time, for a fun activity outside of work and personal obligations?

Well, it may just be about time!

It may be time to cheat on your work.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not encouraging you to cheat while on the job, get extra friendly with your co-workers, or look for something new. I’m merely suggesting it may be time you got something going on outside of work.

Here are some ideas to do just that.

1. Reconnect, or connect, with your hobbies

Do you like to knit? Ever had a card, coin, or comic collection? Perhaps you get a kick out of bridge?

Perhaps it’s time to dig out those knitting needles, dust off those old comic books, or plan an afternoon for tea and bridge! Or maybe you want to create a whole new hobby…

When you’re making sure you make time for some of your personal interests outside of work, chances are you’ll be more engaged when you’re at work.

2. Learn a New Sport or Activity

For the past few years, I’ve committed to learning a new sport every Summer. I’ve tried ultimate frisbee, golf, rowing… This year, I’m going to tri (spelled that way on purpose!) my hand at triathlons (pardon the pun!) and signed up for a newbie training skills day on Sunday. Wish me luck!

When we learn something new, we put ourselves out there, allow ourselves to get in that beginner mindset, and challenge ourselves mentally, physically, or both. And according to studies it also helps keep us young!

Perhaps you’ve always wanted to learn how to play guitar, how to speak Italian, or how to ride a unicycle. Maybe now is the time to make it happen!

3. Volunteer

Volunteering can appear in many different ways. Maybe it means volunteering for the community bake sale, serving food at a soup kitchen, or sitting on a board. Maybe it means spending an afternoon picking up garbage at your local park, being there for a friend who needs you, or offering to mow your neighbour’s lawn.

Whether you are sharing your time or your talents or a listening ear, when you give something of yourself to someone else, everybody wins.

There you have it. Three easy ideas to start cheating on your work!

Now be careful here, and don’t jump too far in too quickly! Start with something small, before committing to five new evening events on your schedule!

The point here is not to add more stress to your life, it’s to add more fun and greater fulfilment! And when you do take on one of these ideas above, chances are you’ll be more engaged in ALL areas of your life.

So spend some time brainstorming what you may like to take on this weekend. It could be as simple as planning a night out bowling! And then GET IT ON YOUR CALENDAR!

Let me know what you choose to take on, and how it goes! Leave me a comment below.

Not sure where to start? Perhaps it’s been so long since you’ve thought about your hobbies you’ve forgotten what they are? I’m happy to gift you my ‘Spark Your G.E.N.I.U.S.’ workbook ~ it will be sure to get the wheels turning! Message me HERE.

What do selfies, stickers, and scotch have in common?

On Wednesday evening, while out for dinner with a few fabulous females in my life up to BIG things, we laughed until we cried. LITERALLY.

I hadn’t done that in while! And boy did it feel good.

I’m all about having fun – and yet sometimes I let the seriousness of business and all of the goings-ons (exciting as they are) to get in the way…

It was no wonder when we got back to my place that evening and ended up selling my pull-out couch to a random stranger turned friend (seriously, we’ve been texting back and forth and now we’re getting together!), we had so much FUN trying to maneuver this thing and all its pieces onto luggage carts and dollies and in and out of the elevator and into the borrowed van… hilarious.

Here’s what she wrote the next day: “We talked about how much fun we had picking up, conversing, laughing, problem solving and moving the couch… who knew it would be such an enjoyable experience and adventure! Best kijiji purchase and interaction EVER – a pure pleasure!”

That morning, my friend and sleepover guest and I decided to pull out daily meditation cards (shout out to May You Know Joy… LOVE these cards!) and not surprisingly, the one I happened to pick out of the deck was “Today, I choose playfulness.”

I do try to bring play into all I do, and yet sometimes I feel I need to apologize for it, or like I need to be more business-like, or appear more professional in how I present my brand both on and offline.

Yet if I’m honest, I actually think we need to bring MORE play into both our business world and into our lives!

And that’s why, as part of presentation I gave to the City of Brampton Economic Development Centre this week I taught the participants how to take the perfect seflie. Now although some were totally getting out of their comfort zones, there was also lots of laughter and they had FUN! (I know because a few said it was their favourite part of the presentation in their evaluations!!!)

And that’s why when working at the Lodge yesterday, and I gave out colourful little stickers to everyone there, faces brightened and shoulders dropped. There were fun conversations and neat connections that ensued.

And that’s also why, when invited to a scotch tasting event last night, even though I don’t even drink scotch, I said yes. Because although I have a LOT of exciting things going on and a lot to do, it’s also important to find time to PLAY.

In fact, I would dare to say I NEED to play in order to be more productive.

And I would dare to say YOU could use a bit more play in your life, too.

SO, what do selfies, stickers, and scotch have in common?

This week, to me, they all meant PLAY.

There you have it, folks! All roads lead to play.

I truly feel this is especially important to remember as we’re experiencing the aftermath of the election results. (I’m not going to go there and shall refrain from commenting – as I’m not about to open up Pandora’s Box – and yet I was certainly affected this week…)

So, how can YOU add a little bit of playfulness into your work and into your life this week?

Perhaps you want to get yourself some stickers, or have fun practicing selfies, or say yes to trying a new bevvy!

Or maybe you want to colour. Go the park and have fun on the swings. Race down the grocery store aisle with your cart just because. Play a practical joke on someone in your family or a colleague (sneakily fill the coffee pot with decaf instead of regular… that’s always a good one!)

Whatever you choose, I dare you to have some FUN this week. To allow yourself to play. To laugh until you cry.

It will make you feel SO good, trust me.

What do selfies, stickers, and scotch have in common? All roads lead to play! We ALL need more play in our lives. (Click to tweet it out!)

Have a FAB week!

P.S. Speaking of play, toady is the LAST DAY to get your eariy bird tickets to join us at Aerosports next Tuesday! Rest assured there will be a LOT of #playingbig happening there!

P.P.S. If you’re ready to add more play into your life, then you’re going to want to learn more about The Tribe. Although it hasn’t officially launched yet, message me for more info…

What would you say to your younger self?

Have you ever written a letter to yourself? I’ve had a few conversations as of late with friends and colleagues about this idea of writing yourself a love letter. Now through the years, and the many leadership and personal development programs, courses, and camps I’ve attended, I’ve written quite a few. Sometimes you even put it in an addressed envelope and a year or more later you get a surprise in the mail.

I haven’t done it in a while. And although some may think it funny, I do think with every new day and every new experience we go through, we learn something. And looking back to a younger version of ourselves, maybe we could use some of the wisdom and advice from the person we are today.

And so, perhaps it’s that time again. And perhaps you’d like to join me in the exercise. Also, if anything I write resonates with you, feel free to use as you wish!

Dear Carol,

Regardless of what happens please know, and believe, that who and what you are is enough. Whatever seems like a huge deal right now, it won’t be a few months from now. Trust me. And trust yourself. Trust your gut. Trust that you are exactly where you need to be.

It may seem like you’re in a rush. Don’t be. I know there is so much you want to do, experience, accomplish. And while that’s commendable, life is not a race. I know it’s easy to say ‘enjoy the journey’. Try and understand what that means. Enjoy the moments. And celebrate the small steps.

Be careful comparing yourself with others. There will always be people ahead of you, and there will also always be people behind you. And don’t compare your reality to everyone else’s highlight reel! Perception is reality, except that it isn’t. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

There are going to be these extremely popular social media platforms called Facebook and Instagram and the like. Use them to connect with your friends and colleagues, in a fun and authentic way, but don’t become obsessed. And the moment you feel yourself scrolling through everyone else’s life and not feeling so good about your own, get off there!

Stay young. Stay fit. Get outside. Exercise regularly by finding activities you enjoy doing. Try new sports. Challenge yourself. Eat lots of greens, don’t have french fries or junk food too often, but still allow yourself to indulge every once in a while. As Mum used to say, everything in moderation.

Enjoy the time with your friends and especially your family. Never take that time for granted. After all, they are the most important people in your life. Don’t try to maximize every moment, or multi-task too much. You’re going to be teaching people about the importance of being present; try to also practice what you preach.

Keep learning. Read more. Stay humble. Meet new people and make them feel special. Remember people’s names. Get to really know them. Connect with them. And get to know their stories. Everyone has one, and they can teach you a lot.

Smile at strangers. Smile at the sun. Smile just because.

Pay attention to what lights you up, what makes your heart sing. It’s okay if you haven’t figured out yet what you want to be when you grow up. Some of the most interesting people you’ll meet are still searching. But don’t wait to figure it out. No one ever got ready by waiting. Take action. Do something. Even if you’re not sure where it will lead. Even if you’re afraid. Especially if you’re afraid.

Don’t take anything too seriously. Laugh and be silly. Practice gratitude. Get enough sleep and drink lots of water. Some of this may sound cliché, but it works.

Be polite. You can never say please and thank you too much or too often. Treat people the way you want to be treated.

Most importantly, have the courage to be you. You’re perfect exactly as you are, with all of your imperfections and idiosyncrasies. You will only ever be the best in the world at being you. So embrace it. Be your own champion.

You got this. I believe in you.

Carol

Have you ever written a letter to your younger self? Try it. You may just offer some wisdom you need to hear. (Click to tweet it out!)

Have a FAB week!

P.S. I have a NEW Living BIG monthly challenge up! You can watch it HERE.

What would you write in a letter to your younger self? Or a love letter to the person you are today? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

7 Ways to live big (or even BIGGER!) in 2016

Ready to live BIG (or even BIGGER) this year? Here are 7 ways… and to make them easier to remember, they even spell out L.I.V.E. B.I.G.!

Learn something new every day.

The only way you’re going to escape the mediocrity trap, and live a bigger life, is if you’re constantly challenging yourself to grow. And one of the best ways you can grow is to ensure you’re learning new things all of the time.

It could be as simple as learning a new way to cut your morning piece of fruit, or as complex as choosing to learn a new language.

Ignite your passions.

Do you love to dance? To sing? To have picnics in the park?

Perhaps you love exploring local coffee shops to find that perfect flat white.

Whatever you love to do, whatever makes your heart sing, do more of that this year.

Although there’s a lot of pressure to find your ‘purpose’ these days (I’ll be the first to admit I’m constantly striving to find it!), maybe we can alleviate some of that pressure. Instead of stressing over “finding your purpose”, focus on igniting your passions…the latter may even end up informing the former.

Vibrate Positivity and Gratitude.

Research states that the two most powerful human emotions are positivity and gratitude. Are you consciously practicing both of these?

It’s all too easy to focus on what you haven’t accomplished, or what you don’t have, instead of what you DO have! Get in the habit of sending out some positive and grateful vibes on a regular basis… and watch what happens!

Experience the Moments.

Life is made up of moments. And, are we too busy to fully appreciate them?

As Ferris Bueller says: “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around every once in a while, you could miss it!”

Don’t let 2016 pass you by. Take some time to truly be present to experience, indulge in, and cherish the moments.

Be even more you.

When was the last time you took yourself out on a date? Spend some time getting to know yourself even better this year. It may sound funny, but I honestly believe we don’t spend enough time with ourselves.

Enjoy your own company. Embrace your gifts, as well as your quirks. Don’t hide your idiosyncrasies, flaunt them! And stop trying to keep up with the Jones’… begin to love all that you are and all that you’re not.

Inspire Action (and get OUT of your comfort zone!)

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How do you take action towards what you really want? One step at a time. And yes, that may mean getting uncomfortable and even facing your fears.

Life really does begin at the edge of your comfort zone. Now there’s a reason why 85% of the population live in their comfort zones… it is, after all, comfortable! BUT, it’s not where the game of life really gets played.

Stretch yourself just a little bit more this year. Dare to try. Dare to fly. You might surprise yourself!

Give back; give big.

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~ Winston Churchill

It’s so true. Whether it’s with your time, your money, or your energy, give away a little of what you’ve got. It could be simply giving your friend or your significant other your full attention and a listening ear, or it could be volunteering your time on a regular basis to a cause that matters to you.

It’s important to think about what you want for you this year, yes… and yet it’s more fulfilling when you also think about what you want for others (plus you’ll end up getting more in return, trust me!)

So there you have it. Resolutions aside, goal-setter or no goal-setter, here are 7 ways to live even bigger this year. Make this year count. Make it one to remember. Make it BIG. (Click to tweet it out!)

Have a FAB week!

P.S. If you are serious about living BIG this year, and are interested in applying to be a part of our Living BIG Inner Circle Mastermind, go HERE for more information.

P.P.S. I will be in Nicaragua hosting a retreat this week, with limited access to email, so I’ll be replying to your messages and/or comments after Jan. 16th. Thanks for your understanding!

My week in pictures: LOTS of PanAm fun with my partner in crime, meeting Serena Ryder after her #Panamania performance, watching Canada take gold in both men’s and women’s rugby sevens (Go Canada Go!), running under the triathlon arch, holding the PanAm torch, learning to row!

Time to stop learning!

I’m going camping. Tents, sleeping bags, s’mores… the whole nine yards. And although this trip has been planned for months, it couldn’t have arrived at a more ideal time.

This week I had an extremely enlightening conversation with my coach and mentor. Basically, what came out of it was it was time to ‘stop learning!’

WHAT?!? But I love to learn!!! How could I do that? Why would I want to do that?!?

I’m sure your initial reaction was similar to mine.

Please allow me to explain.

It’s good to want to learn. In fact, it’s GREAT to want to learn and continue to grow. And yet, you may get to a point where you are so filled of wisdom and knowledge and ideas and suggestions and theories and concepts and tools and tricks and shoulds and to-dos from SO MANY other amazing leaders and successful people out there, you lose the ability to actually listen to your own voice.

When was the last time you got quiet enough to listen to what it was you believed?

When was the last time you threw out your morning rituals, your checklists, your to-dos?

When was the last time you lived not according to your schedule, but according to your desires?

It may seem counter-intuitive, I know. And yet I’ve gone without a schedule for five days now, and let me tell you it is FREEING!!!

Yes, there are going to be deadlines you have to meet and appointments you have to keep. However beyond the necessities, YOU get to choose how you spend your time.

And you know what? With all of the shoulds and checklists and to-dos out of the way… you may be surprised to find you get even more done!

My challenge to you this week is to let go. Where can you lose the schedule? Ditch the to-dos? Try easy instead of try hard?

Be free to say yes when you truly want to say yes, and free to say no when you really want to say no.

There is no one way to go, no one way to be, no one way that is going to work for everyone.

Stop learning. Start listening… listening to your own voice. Be free to trust, to let go, to say yes, to say no. You already have all the answers. Click to tweet it out!

Hmmm… by now it may be about time I start setting up my tent!

Have a FABULOUS weekend!

Is it time for YOU to perhaps ditch the to-dos? I would love to hear from you in the comments below.