Facing Fears may not get rid of them

Why would I do such a thing? Swimming in Blue Lagoon

I believe that the only way to conquer fear is to face it. It is probably the only reason that I continue to try and do things that involve water like swimming and snorkeling. The problem is that even as I face my irrational, or unhealthy fear of water, it doesn’t actually get better. I have overcome other fears, like that of bees and dogs, but large bodies of open water, and that would be anything larger and deeper than a kiddie pool, still frighten the bejeezus out of me.

Maybe it has to do with the difference between rational and irrational fears. Rational fears are those that make sense to most people. Bees and dogs bite. Death is inevitable. The unknown can bring bad just as easily as it can bring good. With the exception of death, these are all fears that can be faced and overcome as long as they do not become irrational.

When a bee stings or a dog bites, the momentary pain may be enough to allay the fear of that animal. As long as nothing else happens, like an allergic reaction or rabies infection, the person learns that these experiences while painful are easy to survive.

Irrational fears are generally those fears that cause a person to lose his or her shit. Panic rises up seemingly out of nowhere, and the person does things like run through a glass door to get away from a moth. My fear of water is based in a couple of near-drowning experiences and having tubes in my ear when I was young. However, I know how to swim, the idea that I am going to drown in a pool just moments after I get in is ludicrous, especially if I am following all of the rules of safety.

While I can acclimate myself to a field of bees, acclimating myself to a pool of water is impossible. I do not become used to it. In fact, I become ever more fearful, the longer I am in the water. The fear builds. My breathing gets faster and soon I am sitting by the edge of the pool trying to catch my breath in spite of the fact that I wasn’t doing anything very athletic.

Maybe it has to do with the length of time that the fear has been held. Longer held fears may be harder to get over. I have had my fear of water for as long as I can remember though the actually almost-drowning incident is still fresh in my mind and was later reinforced with another incident. Bad experiences create stronger memories than good ones, so even the beauty of snorkeling in the Caribbean and the enjoyment of swimming in Comino’s Blue Lagoon cannot overcome childhood memories embellished with time and reprocessing.

Maybe it has to do with the number of exposures to the fear. How many good or neutral experiences will it take to overcome the fear of water? After all, it was my experiences with dogs and bees that has allowed me to tolerate them. Water is just out of my reach to tolerate.

Maybe there are some fears that we carry through our life. We are able to get rid of some while others we just must learn to exist with. Whatever the reason, rational or irrational, I will continue to confront my fears with facts and experiences. I hope that you will do the same.