Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Six retired Jewish Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.At the end of the game, Finklestein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his vife?"They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the low card and has to carry the news.They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse."Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."Goldberg goes over to the Meyer's condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?Goldberg declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home.""Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife."I'll go tell him." says Goldberg

Two astronauts land on MarsTheir mission: to check whether there is oxygen on the planet.'Give me the box of matches,' says one.'Either it burns and there is oxygen, or nothing happens.'He takes the box, and is ready to strike a match when, out of the blue, a Martian appears waving all his arms...'No, no, don't!'The two guys look at each other, worried. Could there be an unknown explosive gas on Mars?Still, he takes another match... and...A crowd of hysterical Martians are coming, all waving their arms: 'No, no, don't do that!'One of the astronauts says: 'This looks serious. What are they afraid of? Nonetheless, we're here for Science, to know if man can breathe on Mars'.So he strikes a match - which flames up, burns down, and.... nothing happens.So he turns to the Martians and asks: 'Why did you want to prevent us from striking a match?'The leader of the Martians says: 'It's Shabbos'! (Sabbath)