The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 6: There’s a millionaire who’s in for a shock.

It’s the morning after Troy brushed his teeth like he was in the midst of a violent exorcism, and he remarks to his new fake wife, “My breath stinks!”

… Cool.

On top of being an unusual thing to say to a human you’re trying to impress, we are promptly reminded that Troy will likely be brushing his teeth again in the near future, and Ashley is going to have to quickly work out how to best deal with that.

Will she… question him on it? Will she provide him with tuna at intervals during his teeth-brushing routine? Will she yell at the top of her lungs before evacuating the hotel, the state, and then eventually, the country?

WHAT. THE F*CK. ARE YOU DOING.

Only time will tell.

ANYWHO - it's time to meet couple number one million and no more pls we already have enough.

There's Gab, who seems nice, and Nasser who describes himself as "very attractive" before giving himself a rating of seven out of 10 which seems fairly... average.

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John Aiken describes him as "quirky" which makes us nervous, and all three experts seem to have given up on actually convincing us their matches are worthwhile, with Trish mumbling something about "potential" and "neuroscience" before seizuring and collapsing on her iPad.

EXPERT MATCH 50 HUNDRED: Gab and Nasser.

We have... enough couples.

Pros:

Gab seems nice.

Nasser has never been convicted of a violent crime that we know of.

Cons:

The experts are fatigued, hungry and shitty.

The experts aren't that good at their jobs at the best of times.

This match inspires precisely nothing in us, and now we would like to move on.

LISTEN: Not that it's hilarious or anything but Gab's sister was NOT OK. We debrief on our Married At First Sight podcast.

Next, we meet Justin who introduces himself as an entrepreneurial businessman and doesn't the world have enough of them?

He is very important which is demonstrated through his phone conversation in which he says: "Yeah nah I sent him an email last night, [indecipherable mumble] Iran."

"More money. ASAP."

Justin also insists, "I LIKE MATERIAL THINGS," and goodness that is not a thing you should say out loud.

The experts, who have at this point completely given up, match him with a person named Carly who also has a career and says things like: "OK, so, the event's coming up..." which all sounds very important.

They're meant to be a power couple, like George and Amal, only... not.

Carly is shown flicking through Tinder and we're angry. Because obviously she's not actually looking. Because she's already on the show, that's why she's being filmed.

EXPERT MATCH NUMBER TOO MANY: Justin and Carly.

Enough now.

Pros:

Employed.

Cons:

Justin talks a lot about being a millionaire, which is boring for everyone.

Carly is not a sports car.

John Aiken refers to them as "solid" and not even he believes in his own bullshit anymore.

IT'S TIME FOR THE WEDDINGS PLS, and Gabrielle's twin sister won't stop vomiting.

She's sick mostly because Gabrielle is making a terrible life decision and she knows she's going to be dealing with the fall out in approximately two weeks.

"Excuse me while I vomit."

Meanwhile, Nasser is at the altar seeking reassurance from his new friend, the celebrant.