Chinese Burns Night Ends in Disaster

Police in the Leith area were called out to The Golden Dragon as chaos erupted after a Burns Night dinner was combined with Chinese culture, causing confusion to locals.

Multiple customers at The Golden Dragon entered the restaurant expecting Scottish-Chinese fusion, but left with scarlet red arms, visibly moist eyes, and stammering lips. When pressed for comment, victims of Chinese Burns Night were told they could report events to us but not to their mothers or their teachers.

Owner of The Golden Dragon, Wannan MacGregor, had no idea of the calamity of the event.

“We thought it would be a niche bit of cuisine,” said MacGregor, “but then these blokes with their sweatshirts tied around their waists and too much gel in their hair were harassing the customers. They were causing too much friction to people’s arms, taking their tips as lunch money, and commanding customers to stop hitting themselves despite simultaneously forcing the customers to hit themselves. It was Hell.”

The Golden Dragon apologises to customers and have distributed anti-bullying leaflets amongst the specials menu.