Thursday, March 31, 2011

(click ad, via) The zit-spots kept coming and going, and never fully disappeared for me. Plus, now I have a fucking headache. Conclusion: OXY doesn't eliminate pimples and gives you a headache. Also: I don't have 20 fucking seconds to waste staring at an ad, dickwads. Ad agency: Ogilvy, Johannesburg.
Here's two better optical illusion ads: a trippy one for a Calgary hemp store, and a vibrating one for a sex toy seller.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

(image via)
• Nutella street art (?).
• Toxic Waste bubble gum is toxic.
• AIDES Smutley the Cat video (nsfw).
• That's not crayon in that coloring book.
• The Bronx Zoo cobra is a star and is tweeting.
• German girls using vodka-soaked tampons to get drunk.
• Gayest fashion ad ever? Sorry Choire, this one is way gayer.
• Videos of the Day: Robots playing catch; shiba inu dials down bark volume on command; and this condiment cleaner will freak you out (watch til the end).

The Femme-o-matic! But even beyond the terrible sexism, it's just so badly written and directed. And—in what is becoming a popular cheap traffic-seeking move—it was probably only "banned" by the clueless doofuses who made/posted it. OK, which ad is worse? This one? Or this Czech spot where a sex doll commits suicide?

The exception is the above "Heartbreak the Rainbow" one. Very funny. The cat/catman one is mildly strange. But the other three in the campaign are just stupidly stupid. You can see them here. And you can see five previous batshit insane Skittles spots here. Ad agency: TBWA\Chiat\Day BBDO Toronto.

(click ad, via) Papercut is an edgy Swedish entertainment retailer. So, they're of course running an edgy ad campaign. Edgy. And Douchy. This is a bus stop execution in Stockholm, so I guess edgy Swedes are taking the time to read about the tiny penis. If you think you're edgy enough, you go ahead and read about the tiny penis. These types of anti-ad ads can be very entertaining if they smartly tie into the product. This one does not. Here's the first edgy ad from the new Papercut campaign, which is even douchier. Ad agency: DDB Stockholm.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

(click image, via) And they don't use him intelligently. This makes me want buy a Mercedes how? This left brain/right brain thing is the brand's new tenuous creative linchpin, at least in Israel. Earlier this year, M-B produced one of the most depressing commercials I've ever seen. Ad agency: Shalmor Avnon Amichay/Y&R Interactive Tel Aviv. Previously: Alberta Einstein.

(click images, via) CBS New York thinks so. Eh. Maybe. Probably not. I don't think CK's that clever. Calvin Klein has been erecting controversial five-story images at this Houston St. site for years now. Previously, they displayed a steamy 3-on-1 orgy and the biggest shiniest naked black man you've ever seen. Note: the model above is Lara Stone, last seen being raped on a CK billboard.

(click image) If you have a cat (we do), this will make your nostrils involuntarily flare. The line reads: "Kills odours from right under your nose." The pillows were apparently created just for a pet care trade conference in Australia back in 2008. Ad agency: Clemenger BBDO, Melbourne. Earlier this month, Catsan released an ad in Italy claiming that their litter keeps your box odor free "for over 20 days."BULLSHIT.

(click ad, via) Bell Tel ad from a 1938 issue of Scientific American. Copy highlights: What happens "if I have a nervous breakdown...or a burglar comes along." This baby is more hipster (with the hair and the outfit and the whining) than all of Williamsburg Brooklyn combined. Related: Here's seven more of the best vintage ads of all time.

(click image) Back in 2007, to promote their shower gel product in the United Arab Emirates, Axe gave gyms these ridiculous branded towels to hand out to their patrons. Well: if you wrapped the towel backwards, it actually became a Rimming Towel (or a Reach-around Towel). Speaking of which, those hands look pretty manly to me, just sayin'. Ad agency: Lowe Mena, UAE. Previously: the Axe Blowjob Commercial.

(click image, via) If you're a football (soccer for you non-appreciative Americans) fan, you're familiar with the added time sign raised near the end of halftime and before fulltime. Well, Durex in Thailand is using this medium to promote their Performa condoms—which feature the painkiller Benzocaine which theoretically desensitizing your raging chubb. You will be sold to, Minutemen.
This media buy garners Durex maybe a three second TV spot twice per match—though if you don't know the Performa product, you're probably not going to get the intended message. Ad agency: McCann Erickson, Bangkok.
Previous Durex Performa ads: WTF does this ad mean?Related: the cutest climax delay condom ad ever.Related: the 2nd cutest climax delay condom ad ever.

(click ad) Well, actually the pants-optional CEO (who's now being sued by several former female employees for sexual assault/harassment) may have a point with the nudity this time. In a tote ad, you don't want a model's clothes distracting from said tote, right? But you do want a model showing off how to carry said tote. But then, you could've made sure the model's nipples were always covered by said tote. I do feel this is a baby step in the right direction though, Dildo Dov. We all know you love yournippleads (all nsfw). The model looks so happy, doesn't she?

(click ads, via) The ads are translated from German, but you get the overly contrived idea—don't let your hands get old like these outdated devices. The vibe of the layouts/photoshoots is bizarre. And the over-art directed typefaces aren't working at all. I don't know, the ads are just strangely depressing.
Ad agency: JWT Germany. The skincare category has seen some strange ads, like:
• Make your knees look like boobs.
• Aging process halted by punctuation.
• For skin so sexy, it has to be pixelated.
• Her secret to beautiful skin? She swallows.
• Racist skin-whitening cream ad via Indonesia.
• Fake boobs used in bust-firming cream ads (nsfw).

(via) Sexism and fast food go together like the shits and fast food. Yes, that's Gizem Memiç, Miss Turkey 2010. Carl's Jr. continues with their Big Idea of burger porn started with Hilton and continued with Lakshmi. "And that's just the way it is." Cracking copy line, that. Here's behind the scenes video where Creative Directors say stuff. Of course, the spot just had to be shot in South Africa.Ad agency: David & Goliath. Previously in sexist fast food ads:• Burger King's notorious blow job ad.• Arby's Sports IllustratedSwimsuit issue tit joke ad.• and the King visits Russian steam bath with topless babes.

(click image, via reddit) Or Jism Jeans, if you prefer. Guys! Don't you hate that annoying after-drip after sex? Or: do you love it so much that you'd alter a pair of your Levi's like so? Own your baby-making virility. What lady wouldn't want to sit on your lap now? Previously: five pairs of horrific 1970s men's pants.

With a new version of the three monkeys pose, members of the Ukrainian feminist group give Mark Zuckerberg a little what-for. In a post titled Zuckerberg vs. Boobs, FEMEN leader Anna Gutsol said this about the banning (translated):
"The Internet is less than coping with the role of a refuge for freethinkers and more implants bans and censorship, where they are not relevant."
Already banned from YouTube, the group promises to take "appropriate action." So, more creative nude poses tk.Previously: FEMEN support Japan with harakiri sword, six boobs (nsfw).

(via) At least, it appears to be the first one. You're not allowed to mention prescription drug names in TV spots in Russia. What to do? You steal a 2006 Viagra spot from Saudi Arabia, add terrible music and the website get-hard.ru. As you can see, the little blue pill is represented here by the hard blue straw. And the pussy (or asshole) is of course represented by the lid hole. And the unheard squeaking sound as the straw goes in and out of the hole would represent bed springs. I envision an increase in painful soda cup lid masturbation attempts. Meanwhile in America, we still have the fucking Viva Viagra! Whiskey Dicks.Related: here's eight Viagra print ads from around the world.

(click ads) For some unfathomable reason, I told "Jo den Koek" and "Piet Tiet" (not their real names) that I would post these spec ads without comment. Said "Jo" about the campaign for Fatboy lamps:
"We wanted to do something people had never done before and that's use a disaster like the tsunami in Japan in an inhumane way. A brand would never do this as it wouldn't lead to any sales but we're students, we can do anything."
I don't know what they're teaching kids these days.
Other students—DON'T send me your spec ads.
Commenters, have at them.Previously: Argentinian ad school perverts create nudie Barbie Matchbox calendar.

(click ad, via) At least he's not drinking your Cachaça Magnifica and watching the porn version, Bareback Mountain. To test your son's heterosexuality, Brazilian Dad, show him this American Cachaça ad with a Brazilian woman's bare ass (nsfw) and look for the bulge in his shorts. Creative note: Diagram ads? Rarely a good idea. Don't make me work to get your oh so important message. Ad agency: Agência 3, Rio.

(click image, via) Ad Creep Update is a regular copyranter feature documenting the spreading epidemic of advertising media placement seeping into every nook and cranny of your daily life. Oh shit! Bird shit! Wait! Fuck! It's a goddamn sticker! A sticker for a car wash. A car wash I will now never go to because they pissed me off twice with their ambient "free media" idea. The agency says "calls went up 45%" due to this stunt. I catch you putting a sticker on my non-existent car, you better run. Ad agency: 1pointsize, Chennai, India. Previously, a Zurich insurance company put fake damage stickers on cars.

(click ads, via) Do you use a a hand sanitizer? You know they don't work, right? Anyway, the booger ad photoshoot must have been fun for the models. The third ad should've been a man helping another man jerk off, amirite (hetero) guys? This category has seen some weird campaigns, including this scary germ-hands ad, this severed finger ATM visual and these freaky cat-croissant/hamster-muffin ads.
Ad agency: McCann India. Update: actually, it looks like ads are Photoshopped.

(click ads, via) But they're trying very, very hard (heh). They've trademarked it. They have a facebook page, of course, where you have to—in what is becoming a really annoying trend—"Like" it to read about it (I didn't). They even have their own Playboy channel. All moot. Oh but wait one minute, urban dictionary does now have one "Wegasm" entry:
"an orgasm caused by a large tentacle penis during an orgy with numerous virgin sluts, typically found in hentai."
That's not quite the definition Durex is trying to jam down our throats. Ad agency: Ogilvy South, Atlanta. View 15 previous Durex ads from around the world here.

(click ad) Eat my Dust Bunnies? Yes, because Moms these days wile away their days watching soap operas and cleaning fucking dust bunnies. According to AdPulp, A second ad in this "Moms on Bikes" campaign features the endearing headline: "Rebel Without a Minivan." The tagline on the campaign should be: Huffy: "About all a Mom can handle between her legs." What sexist shit. Ad agency: Brunner. For more recent egregious examples of ad sexism, go here and here.

(via) You see the ending coming as soon as our "hero" walks in on the couple (At least I did. But this is my job.) Even if you could somehow accept that he forgot which compartment was his (totally unbelievable), the joke is still a yawner. This stupid fake Heineken spot featuring a young man walking in on his girlfriend giving some guy a blowjob is better. Ad agency: Rothco, Ireland.

(click images) If you troll the Internet at all, you're probably familiar with FEMEN—The oft-naked feminist group whose protests sometimes confuse people. Here, three FEMENs hit the streets of Kiev to declare: "Let's shake boobs and not earth." This is what they had to say about this spectacle, translated by Marina Galperina at ANIMAL NY:
"FEMEN conducts an action in support of the Japanese people. “Praise those who defeat the dragon!” FEMEN are earnestly inspired by the Japanese people who were able to overcome this disaster. Their strength, their samurai self-control, their heroic actions in time of crisis should serve as examples for all of us. Japan has proved their ability to rise from the ashes before and we believe they will defeat the Dragon before the cherry blossoms bloom."
Ho-kay. See more images here (nsfw).

(click ads, via) If you can't beat 'em, make shit up. So: AT&T works deep under water (no)? But Atlantis was just found! Go—take your AT&T iPhone there and see if it works (it won't). And that's what you think Euphoria looks like, BBDO New York? That place makes me want to stab myself to death with a sharpened neon tree branch. I think we can all agree that the artwork here is less than good. BTW, the "Chief Creative Officer" on this campaign is my good, good friend David Lubars.Previously: Who sucks more—AT&T or Verizon? New Yorkers vote with their gum.