For Love or Country

What is more important to you – love or your native homeland? If you happen to be a gay American married to a person from a foreign country, you will likely have to choose. At least for now, because of the way DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) is structured, you cannot legally obtain a green card or immigration visa for your foreign born spouse.

“Since it was signed into law by President Clinton it has caused immeasurable harm to lesbian and gay Americans and our families. It has destroyed marriages, torn apart families, depleted savings, forced us to defer plans to start families, to buy a home, start a business or pursue our education. DOMA has robbed us of years of our lives, it has left us poorer, unable to care for our families, forced into exile, separated from those we love, living in fear of a deportation, hiding in a double closet and enduring a constant, crippling burden of stress that few relationships could survive,” says The DOMA Project website.

While state after state continues to vote in favor of legalizing gay marriage, those with foreign-born spouses or partners will continue to have to wait for the right to be together. It’s something so simple…to just want to be together.

Some couples do defy the law in order to spend more time together. Yet, that comes at the risk of deportation if caught.

David and Jason, a bi-national couple, know how hard it is. Jason is British and David is from the U.S. They married in New York City in 2012. However, because it is still not a federally recognized marriage, it’s not enough to keep the couple together. Over the course of six years, DOMA has separated David and Jason 17 times. Jason has never been allowed to stay in the U.S. for more than 90 days as a tourist.

Yet he isn’t a tourist. He is somebody’s loved one. He’s David’s husband. They continue to fight and apply for a spousal immigration visa. They continue to be denied. Hopefully one day this will change.