It’s no secret. It should come as no surprise. We’re totally screwed. Europe is in peril, and its hairiest nations – which you’d think would be the most stable (see: chest hair equals success), are fading faster than Charlie Sheen’s recent ironic relevance (re-relevance?). Even the hairless (“hairress” for all you phonetic types) nations may

Has your boss ever come back to work after a long weekend and his personality was much more pleasant than it was before? If he’s also more confident, then that means his Match.com rendezvous took pity on him. But if his pleasantness is annoying, like he’s in student council, then he probably went to a

Since Donald Trump is vying to be the most powerful man in the world—for real this time—he needs to be ready with a few quality pick-up lines because chubby interns don’t put cigars in their vaginas themselves.

The names of symphonies aren’t really names at all, they just explain what the symphony is. For example, Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 in D minor is actually Beethoven’s ninth symphony and it’s performed in the key of D minor. It’s a pretty boring way to name music, but at least if we named pop songs

With more than 500 million Facebook users updating their statuses whenever they’re bored at work, there’s been almost as many status updates as units of nerd in Mark Zuckerberg. But it turns out that there are only ten different implications for all these updates. Not only will this information help you make sense of the

It’s common to think that we need to work harder to make more money, but that’s like calling a girl more often to get her to like you. You have to make money want to call you, and money will respect you more if you stop working so hard. Therefore, a good first step on

It’s easy to understand the problem with America’s foreign policy if we imagine how it, or “he,” would act if out on a date with a girl. He would first ask the girl’s friends and family what she thought of him, then he’d ask them for permission to ask her out. She’d already hate him

Most people have low self-esteem when it comes to creativity, which means it’s a perfect chance to exploit them by pretending to be creative. It won’t make you happy, but you want to look creative now, so stop caring about happiness.

Wisconsin may have just passed an anti-union bill, but that’s not going to stop these shrieking teachers. They’re looters, and the only thing looters respond to is looting. So instead, let’s psychologically loot the teachers through the art of derision.