Guessing the Sentences in David Axelrod’s New Book

As the 2016 presidential campaign continues apace, we are seeing an attendant increase in memoir output from the 2012 race’s cast of characters. Using the Going Rogue profitability/relevance algorithm, America should have Mitt Romney’s 100 Percent: How I Learned to Love Noblesse Oblige in time for Mormon Christmas 2014.

The literary count thus far: last week Hillary Clinton, former secretary of state, announced plans to publish her foreign-policy book; today, David Axelrod and his mustache, the top and second-to-top advisors to Barack Obama, respectively, revealed a book of their own, scheduled for fall 2014. The Los Angeles Timesreports: “The memoir will reflect on Axelrod’s decades of political experience, from his days as a young newspaperman at the Chicago Tribune to his time as the president’s senior advisor. In addition to dishing on his 20-year friendship with Obama, the book is expected to include tales about a range of other political figures, from Hillary Rodham Clinton and Deval Patrick to John Edwards and Rod Blagojevich.” Oh my God, Blagojevich, can we have that autobiography already?

As with all other political memoirs, we will now settle in for a game of Guess the Sentences, in which we guess the sentences likely to appear in Axelrod’s book.

“I think about it a lot, and I really hope that Jeffrey Tambor gets to play me in any movie version of President Obama’s rise to power.”

“I have literally been on MSNBC about 75,000 times and I have no definitive proof that Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow are not the same person.”

“At that point it was too late to admit we lied about forging the birth certificate.”