Even with these myriad divergentÂ opinions, there is one point everyone seemed to agree on: The Onion’s tweet crossed the line.

Some feel The Onion’s attempt at satire was inappropriate, but notÂ egregiousÂ Some still want heads to roll. And, the rest feel somewhere in between. Rorschach test or not, though, you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who thinks what happened wasÂ perfectlyÂ fine.

Also, this story serves as an example of how, in the blogosphere/media, there are certain demographics you just can’t say negative things about without expecting swift and harsh pushback. We’ll call them “untouchables.” Some of these people are protected for obvious reasons (children, the physically impaired, etc) while the protection given to others may be more politically-minded. Either way, the list of who you “aren’t allowed to” joke about and/or criticize seems to grow by the day.

Despite this, there remains some people who you can still shit on with impunity. Certain demographic groups who can still safety be the butt of jokes without anyone giving a damn, and here are a few people it’s still perfectly okay to make fun of.

1. Short Men

The perpetual redheaded stepchild of the human race (not that there’s anything wrong with being a redheaded stepchild), men who are a few inches shorter than the average man are routinely discriminated against, bullied, and used as punchline fodder by everyone. What separates them from others who experience the same thing is that shitting on them never goes out of style, never becomes politically incorrect, and neverÂ receivesÂ any criticism other than “Awwww. Leave the midget men alone.”

While the “protection” given to other groups maybe be seasonal, “shitting on short men” is like a pair of Levi’s—safe, comfortable, versatile, reliable, timeless.

2. Women With ConservativeÂ SociopoliticalÂ Leanings

“Make sexually repugnant remark about a woman” = “misogynist!!!”

“Make sexually repugnant remark about a woman who happens to be a conservative” = “Oh Shit!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!”

3. Light-Skinned Black Women and Men

One specific to the Black community—there’d be some furniture moving if Rush Limbaugh dared say something bad about Jurnee Smollett—it’s never not okay for Black people to disparage light-skinned Black men and women. Why? Well, that’s obvious. Lighter-skinned people are—by virtue of their lighter skin—assumed to have a level ofÂ privilegeÂ that regular ole’ Black people don’t.

And, since “privilege” basically means “we can talk about your ass, and you have to sit there and take it,” you can say anything from “Light skinned men all smell like texturizer” to “I mean, really. Light skinned women are Black, I guess, they’re not really BlackBlack” when speaking of them and no one will bat an eye.Â Shit, you can even start a thousand petitions about why a light-skinned Black actress isn’t actually BlackBlack, despite the fact that she’s come out and said “I’m BLACK!!!!” numerous times.Â

(Note: This only applies to light-skinned Black people with two Black parents. Biracial Blacks now have Obama, Drake, and empty bottles of Mixed Chicks to protect them.)

4. Stupid People

It’s not very politically correct to make fun of physically underwhelming men or women. It (obviously) still happens, but if you do this in front of certain audiences, you will get called on it. Why? Well, it’s not fair (or fun) to pick on someone for something they can’t control, and it reeks of bullying.

Interestingly enough, this doesn’t seem to apply to people who weren’t blessed with above average or even average intelligence. You can argue that it’s because there’s the idea that a person can always get smarter if they want to. If you’re stupid, you’re willfully stupid and deserve whatever’s coming to you.

But, this isn’t true. Some people are born dumb, live dumb, and will die dumb, and there’s not much they can do about it. Still, this doesn’t stop us from making fun of them. I mean, they’re stupid, so it’s not like they’re going to “get” any of the jokes anyway, right? No harm, no foul.

5. Bisexual Men

You’d think bisexual men would get the same type of “protection” gay men receive. But, its hard to be protected when most people (well, most Black people) don’t even believe you really exist.Â

Honorable mention: Attractive women, skinny men and women, fat men. men with small penises, Christians, people not from “important” cities, sexually inexperienced men and women, athletes (high school, college, or pro), White men

—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)

Filed Under:

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB. He is also a contributing editor for EBONY.com. He resides in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes.

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Should celebrity addicts be added to this list? And I mean the actually still in the addiction ones. This goes all the way back to Richard Pryor and comes all the way up through the Amy Winehouse/Whitney Houston/Lindsey Lohan era. Probably can throw Kesha(I refuse to use a cash symbol on her name) in there and Everyone who’s gotten that mugshot of despair plastered over the Internet and TMZ. And making fun of them still seems okay.

http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

and based on some of the comments i saw by people yesterday… apparently each other. and it makes me sad.

i reminisce for the days when vsb was a cool and happy place to be EVEN WITH disagreements. it was done respectfully (for the most part, people got right or got gone quick otherwise).

sigh.

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

Yeah, I like the debates but, now-a-days it always turns into bitter diatribes. I usually end-up scrolling past most of those arguments.

Yoles

you said it KB… i can’t even bust out my glitter n shyt cuz its no longer a happy place…

http://www.twitter.com/IluminatiNYC Todd

C’mon! We miss the glitter! :)

http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

sadness indeed.
sad panda face.

msdebbs

I’m gonna _/ back and watch the sparks fly on this one…

IcePrincess3

Anybody that falls. Did yall see that lady fall up the stairs at the oscars? Bwahahahaaa! IDGAF, 9 times out if ten, if you fall around me, I’m laughing. Maturity be damned! This grown azz man men fell getting on the bus last week. He didn’t just trip & stumble, like he full out fell flat on his face real talk. His water bottle went flying & skidded down the length of the bus floor. I’m wiping tears right now just typing this. *whew*

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

I fell about a year ago. I was crossing the street and the pavement was uneven and I tripped on it. It felt like I was falling in slow motion. Lol!

It happened at a major intersection too. So I know dozens of people saw me fall. I jumped up and kept walking like it never happened. Lol.

IcePrincess3

Lolz! Soooo embarrassing! Laughing at you now, so thanks for sharing :-)

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

:-)

camilleblue

Girl….I busted my @ss in the lobby of my office building last year…I so feel you on the slo-mo….the whole way down I was thinking…NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! And it was loud as hell for some reason…I couldn’t do anything but laugh at myself….

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

Lol. Wow.

Lia

LOL I would’ve done the same thing

AfroPetite

bwhahahaha I have been watching this gif between study breaks and it encourages me to press forward….

there’s a woman i work with who was doing push ups in the copy center one day…just happened to walk thru the door and there she was…down on the floor gruntin’…i was like wth is wrong with you???

http://www.styleillusions.com WIP

And you described it so wonderfully it made me LOL. Thanks. Seeing as I’ve fallen in several quite embarrassing situations, I reserve the right to ROTFL at anyone else.

nillalatte

It’s been a few years, but I fell at work. And, well, when I do something I do it BIG. Particularly when it comes to self embarrassment. I was sitting at my L-shape desk and had both file drawers open on either side of me. A sales rep and I were chatting away when I had to get up and do something. In my haste, I neglected to shut the drawers, got up and proceeded to trip over the open file drawer, stumble backwards, fall in my chair and then into the floor! The sales rep jumped to his feet and put his hands out like he was gonna try to catch me, but my arse was bouncing all over the place like a damn ping pong ball.

I ‘fell’ another time jumping down off a 3ft rock wall in front of the hospital at Vanderbilt. I was too lazy to walk around the wall and thought I’d take a short cut. So, me, in my pumps and dress, kneels down on the wall, kicks out my feet, jumps, and hits the sidewalk below. Literally. Now, I’m lying on the sidewalk with a busted knee, groaning in pain and rocking my leg. The construction guys from across the street come to help me up and a doctor walks by. He stopped for a moment and asks, “Are you hurt?” I looked at him all crazy and said, “No, I just like to lie on the sidewalk on 21st Avenue occasionally.” The construction workers all laughed. The doc turned and kept walking. I guess he didn’t get my sense of humor. Anyway, the construction guys went to the hospital and got a wheel chair, wheeled me to the ER where I was put in a leg brace and on crutches, and sent back to work.

I could tell you a few more, but then again, you’d think I make falling a career. LOL

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

Lol@you jumping off rocks in heels.

Well, I guess construction workers are good for something besides whistling at women. Lol.

Dignan

So am I going to have to take half a day off from work again today just to keep up with the comments section?

Dignan

And it looks like the answer is “yes.” lol

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

Somebody called me “high yellow” the other day. They didn’t even say it right. It’s “high yella”. Lol. And, I’m really not that light. Certainly not AK light. The funny thing about skin color in the African American community is that people can’t seem to agree on what “lightskinneded” really is unless you are AK’s complexion or lighter. Otherwise there are always arguments about who is actually lightskinneded.

And, I don’t know if people really approve of making fun of lightskinneded people nor darkskinned people, for that matter. But, if there’s a serious argument between people of contrasting skintones there will likely be references made to each others color during the argument. Male or female.

Malik

Beyonce is adamant about defending her light-skint Queenhood.

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

Bey is only lightskinneded in photos.

IcePrincess3

Hell yea. Loreal need they azz beat smdh

Latonya

I thought Bey was light skin?

Malik

Beyonce is WHITE in photos. But that’s another conversation.

kid video

You know what grinds my gears about being liteskinnined…I hate being the “complexion barometer”.

If im next to, or in the same room where two ppl are trying to describe someone elses skin tone, they’ll look/point at me and say, “Are they lighter or darker than him”?

Thats that chit I dont like…
#Keefisms

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

Lol. Skintone is a major descriptor amongst Black folks. But, other groups are skintone obsessed too. South Asians, in particular, are as bad as we are. I think they might even have more ways of describing skintone than we do.

kid video

I guess because blk folks dont hang with a lotta asians(i assume), we dont see they have the same issues.

I wouldnt mind seeing an asian “School Daze”…lol

msdebbs

Dominicans are skintone obsessed too….can’t be too dark

camilleblue

see Sammy Sosa…

kid video

Yeah…Sosa looks quite ghoulish nowadays.

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

Sammy is a sad clown.

DG

Gotta say…love your use of the term “lightskinneded”…lol

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

Lol.

AfroPetite

She’s a nice caramel complexion in person but she’s still lighter than my NC50 arse which makes her high yella from my perspective. Matter of fact, I’m going to start referring to folks in their MAC Profinish Foundation colors.

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

“…but sheâ€™s still lighter than my NC50 arse which makes her high yella from my perspective.”

That’s exactly what I’m saying. It’s (almost) totally subjective.

Royale W. Cheese

“Iâ€™m going to start referring to folks in their MAC Profinish Foundation colors”

LMAO. May as well. It’ll go along nicely with the Andre Walker hair numbering system. *smirk*

RuthlessWonder

Don’t we have to call Vanessa Williams lite brite? I mean Tim Roth yells at Lawrence Fishburne about it in Hoodlum. “I KNOW WHERE YA HIGH YELLA BITCH IS LIVIN!” I feel like that’s enough of an endorsement. I don’t know many people who have lines of dialogue in scripts to solidify their complexion.

kid video

Good catch with the Hoodlum film…also see that scene in New Jack City where Judd Nelson says to Ice T, “im gonna wax your high yella ass”, or something to that effect.

camilleblue

*side note* my favorite line is when T says..”i wanna shoot you so bad my d!ck is hard”

Aly

Yeah, Zoe Saldana is also one of those iffy light-skinned folks. In some pics she looks light, in others she looks brown. Personally I don’t think she’s light-skinned.

Dark Skin ppl most definitely do have these arguments. They’ll say “I’m Black but not blue black.” LOL

Shannon sweet ga brown

Yes they do. Two high yella women in my office have it out over who is light bright and its funny to me. One trying to convince the other they are darker. Lol.

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

That’s so ridiculous. Lol.

BKSweetheart

LOL this is me and my SO. We’re both lightskinned but he’s a little darker naturally. Whenever we go on vacations we have tanning competitions and will seriously be getting in debates about whos darker.

And when we’re both pale in the winter, he’ll be like literally 1/8 of a shade darker than me.. He’ll be like “Girl, you looking at pure Africa right here, we’re like ebony and ivory right now” I’m like, yeaaaah no, more like ivory and alabaster LOL.

http://www.blacklatinafabulous.com Maris

You know what? I debated that on my blog, too…because by Hispanic “standards” she’s dark (so most Hispanics don’t ‘get’ the argument) See what I mean:

Yeah, the standards of Cubans, Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, etc., are even more strict than African American color standards.

http://commentarybyvalentina.wordpress.com Val

Yep, Zoe Saldana is definitely brownskinned.

Lia

Naw, mama Tina started sending her to the tanning salons a long time ago so she’s naturally fairer than she appears. She’s not as light as they like to make her look in photos though, so I have no idea what her natural skin color is.

H.H.H.

You know, champ, that the biggest group that is off limits (and somehow the males of VSB get away with it without being arrested) are (CENSORED)

IcePrincess3

Do tell!

H.H.H.

i’m not allowed to. Scar will send his Hyenas after me…and i’ll be forced to get back on that Hakuna Matata diet.

you know GRUBS TASTE HORRIBLE?? yet i had to suffer cuz of them 2???? means no worries….yeah, i aint got no worries once i eat that warthog.

IcePrincess3

Well, it’s better than eating all those god forsaken croutons all the dang time :-)

http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

……

H.H.H.

:(

http://fourpageletter.wordpress.com keisha brown

i just wanna know is all.. pleeeeeease. sharing is caring. unless its hurtful. lol.

Kema

Triple H!!! *blows drunk kisses*

H.H.H.

*flexes*

H.H.H.

you know..maybe there should be a law against saying anything bad about (CENSORED) and if (CENSORED) does…they can be arrested…

that way we can get the self esteem of (CENSORED) at a healthy level?

because shutting down ignorant speech should be a goal of an enlightened society, right?

Juiciest Mango

are you talking about feminists??

H.H.H.

no comprende ingles. :(

Asiyah

It’s lions, isn’t it? We shouldn’t talk ish about lions!

weethomas

You’re?

Malik

Sensitive rappers. Not just touchy-feely dudes. But rappers like Wale who pitches a fit every time someone says something mean to him.