Everyone would love to find a journal or diary of their ancestors. Some of you have, but…..Where’s yours?
Many people neglect recording their own history and that of their immediate family. Many do not have the time to start or know where to begin.
We know history is written by the victor, but it is the history…the story…of the common person that is most important. There are many untold stories that need preservation. It is important that these memories continue to live.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Children Find Meaning in Old Family Tales

Many of you may know that I administrate a writing group on Yahoo. Recently, one of its members sent me an article from the Wall Street Journal (March 11, 2009, page D1) entitled: Life Stories: Children Find Meaning in Old Family Tales by Sue Shellenbarger.

As this article clearly supports my opinion on the value of sharing family stories, with permission from the author, it is reprinted here.

MARCH 11, 2009, 3:36 A.M. ETLife Stories: Children Find Meaning in Old Family TalesBy Sue Shellenbarger

When C. Stephen Guyer's three children were growing up, he told them stories about how his grandfather, a banker, lost all in the 1930s, but didn't lose sight of what he valued most. In one of the darkest times, Mr. Guyer says, when his grandfather was nearly broke, he loaded his family into the car and took them to see family members in Canada. The message: "There are more important things in life than money," says Mr. Guyer, of Littleton, Colo.

The tale took on new relevance recently, when Mr. Guyer downsized to a small house from a more luxurious one. He was worried that his children, a daughter, 15, and twins, 22, would be upset. To his surprise, they weren't. Instead, their reaction echoed their great-grandfather's. "What they care about," Mr. Guyer says his children told him, "is how warm are the people in the house, how much of their heart is accessible."

As parents cut budgets, many are finding family stories have surprising power to help children through hard times. Storytelling experts say the phenomenon reflects a growing national interest in telling tales, evidenced by a rise in storytelling events and festivals. New research bears out the value of family stories, linking teens' knowledge of them to better behavior and mental health.

An Emory University study of 65 families with children ages 14 to 16 found kids' ability to retell parents' stories was linked to a lower rate of depression and anxiety and less acting-out of frustration or anger, says Robyn Fivush, a psychology professor. Knowing family stories "helps children put their own experience in perspective," Dr. Fivush says.

The trick is telling the stories in a way children can hear. We're not talking here about the kind of story that begins, "When I was a kid, I walked to school every day uphill both ways, barefoot in the snow." Instead, choose a story suited to your child's needs, and make eye contact to create "a personal experience," says Sherry Norfolk, chairman of the National Storytelling Network, a Jonesborough, Tenn., nonprofit. "You don't have to tell children what they should take from the story," she says. "They can intuitively understand what the moral is."

When Carla Freeman's daughter became anxious a few years ago about having to change schools, the Atlanta mother related her own childhood stories of switching to another school in her community. Her old friends dropped her and, at her new school, "I was kind of an oddball" at first, she told her daughter. But Ms. Freeman bounced back and made new friends. She credits the stories with helping her daughter, now 12, develop resiliency and the ability to "hold herself together" against challenges.

A touch of humor helps. At Scott Prengle's Dallas home, his son Bobby, 17, has heard tales about his grandfather growing up in times so hard that his hungry schoolmates would devour apple cores left over from his lunch. As Bobby tapped a nearly empty salad-dressing bottle over his salad at dinner one evening, Scott laughed and invited him to do as his grandfather did: Put water in the bottle and shake it up, to use every last drop. Scott says his father's frugal habits "drove us crazy, but the idea was that nothing went to waste."

While Bobby declined to water down his dressing, he says of his grandfather that "I follow in his footsteps" in other ways, saving paper clips and rubber bands. And when Scott recently trimmed the family budget, he thought he saw an echo of his late father in Bobby, in the way he calmly accepted the loss of his oft-used gym membership.

Even when you think your children aren't listening to your stories, Dr. Fivush says, they probably are. Thomas Pontes thought his children, 12, 14 and 16, shrugged off tales of his grandfather, an immigrant farmhand who worked his way up from living in a barn to owning a home. To Mr. Pontes, of Providence, R.I., the story shows "the kind of optimism you need to pick yourself up from a field somewhere tending cattle" to cross the Atlantic, fueled solely by hope.

But when I asked his daughter Katie, 16, about the stories, she not only remembered them, but said they've "helped me become more appreciative of my life and how easy things are for me." Even if kids don't seem to appreciate family stories, she says, in time they'll "realize just how important they are."

4 comments:

I love your blog. It is exactly what I was Googling to find - a blog about family memories, more than a genealogy writing plan.

I recently started a blog on WordPress called *A Memory Ago* in which I am writing little tidbits of memories. I have also compiled family memory books for both of my parents when they turned 90. I want to spend more time exploring your wonderful blog.

I'm following "Writing Memories" for the wonderful posts about family. It's great to read such stories. I included your blog as one of my 10 recipients of a blog award. I was about to inform you but was away for a while. You deserve the award.

About Me

Emily is available for Presentations regarding Writing Your Family Memories and Childhood Stories.
----- Learn to WRITE ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD AND FAMILY MEMORIES using a quick and simple technique. Learn various organizational ideas and writing tips. ------- BOOK FOR SALE on writing your memories at workshops or by mail (Spiral bound; 144 pages on heavy vellum; 130 topics with writing tips and organizational ideas).
Emily is also available to give presentations on Genetic Genealogy. See the following blog for more information: http://genealem-geneticgenealogy.blogspot.com/
--------- EMAIL for further details on either topic:
aulicino@hevanet.com

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Unsolicited Comments

Many thanks to all of you who have found success in writing your stories and were kind enough to comment.

Rhonda in Oregon writes:The writing tip you gave us Thursday is great! I went right to my stash of journals (I have trouble journaling, but love the books!), and made a page for every year since my birth year.I’m very excited to start writing my memories down. Thanks again for a fantastic tip!!

Anne in Michigan writes:"So many times I have sat down and tried to write out my life's story. I got so bored with myself that I never got more than a few pages done. This method has totally changed my outlook and has renewed my lifelong interest to write about my life so that my children will have something to remember me by.I am psyched, pumped and ready to go now!”

Beth in Texas writes:“I am finding the topics very helpful in writing about things I would have never thought about before. These topics give me an opportunity not to dwell on the unhappy times in my life, and remember some of the less important, but memorable topics that I'd like to pass on to my children. I'll still write about unhappy times, but they will be sprinkled in with other memories.”

Jan in Kentucky writes:“Emily, you do so very much for so many, and it is so appreciated! You also have broken my writing block, and I appreciate that...if not for you, I don't know that I would have had the heart to return to it. You truly are doing a lot of good with that list of yours and the effects will be known for years and generations for so many. I think sometimes we just need to tell you that.”

Bob in Sherwood writes:THANKS to you I started writing my "story" last Friday. If it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't have started it. It's all your fault...You, You, "Inspirator", You! Telling usto write in "pictures". If I started it prior to your presentation it would have begun... "I was born on October 29, 1944 in Jamestown, New York". Needless to say you had a GREAT impact on my writing.

Bill in New Jersey writes:Just a short note to say thanks to you, Emily, for the prompts. I especially like the way in which you write the suggestions to go along with the prompts.

Books About Childhood Memories and Family Stories

As most of you know, I seldom read fiction, and as a result, I am interested in books that are historical in nature and/or ones that tell the stories of people's lives. The following list is some books that I have read which are by people I know, people related to me, or people with whom I have corresponded for a time. Proudly, I have each author's autograph, and I'm beginning to think of this as a new collection/hobby!

Each of these stories have great struggles and challenges. Some are about the author's childhood while others are events when they were adults. I hope that you will find the stories as interesting as I have. They are truly a slice of our American Life!

Favorite Books on Childhood Memories and Family Stories

Soul Survivor: The Reincarnation of a World War II Fighter Pilot by Bruce and Andrea Leininger, Grand Central Publishing, New York, 2009

Childhood Shadows: The Hidden Story of the Black Dahlia by Mary Pacios, Author House, 2007