Find Space to Breathe Again: Reading Your Bible to find Life

When I decided to join the Write 31 Days challenge this year, I was incredibly excited. I had a loose outline floating through my mind, and I knew the story that I wanted to tell. But life has a way of getting inside our best-laid plans and twisting them into something that we never saw coming. I preplanned the first week on posts and then anticipated jumping right back in after we came back from vacation. What I didn’t anticipate was the incredibly busy week we came home to coupled with just regular life expectations.

I also had plans coming back from vacation that I would reestablish our daily routines. With changes in life happening, I knew that Sarabeth and I would need some more daily structure. There were and are still so many pieces of that structure that have been difficult to determine and put into place.

One of the things I’ve needed to get back to in a big way is my regular morning quiet times. Without a job to drive to any longer, I found myself resetting my alarm and not getting up in the morning. But I also know that without my time with Jesus each and every day, I struggle to continue to find freedom and healing. My journey towards being whole is wholly dependent upon my reliance on God for strength.

Paul reminds us:

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9, NLT

My Biggest Struggle

One of my biggest struggles on this Be Made Whole journey was my inability to even open my Bible. After Sydney’s death, I was so angry with God for not answering my prayer, that I was lost in my belief that He had killed her. It wasn’t logical. It wasn’t even remotely reasonable. But it was the belief that I held for a long time.

Going to church was painful. Worship music (and still can be) extremely painful. Sermons on suffering make me squirm and want to run out of the room. Reading my Bible was impossible.

That didn’t mean I quit. It meant I forced myself to walk through the doors of the church most days. And I asked Eric to pray over me every night so I could sleep. And I thought and journaled so many thoughts. I met with my pastor to talk through the thoughts and emotions rolling through my head while also meeting with a therapist and getting on some meds to help initially.

The road back started with small steps.

The road back to spending time in the Word happened when I realized it would be best to read what I could. To pick up books that gave me life. I picked up my favorite books, The O’Malley Series by Dee Henderson, and sobbed my way through the books in a new way. She remains the only author to make me cry. Those books walked me a little bit closer to the gospel and Jesus once again.

I began opening my Bible slowly but surely. I started with the easiest version for me to read. It was like being an infant all over again and needed to be spoonfed. It was at this point when I seriously started experimenting with reading different versions of the Bible. I grew up on the NIV. In college, I switched to the ESV because I liked the way it read more. Slowly, I opened up to reading the NLT, The Message, NRSV and so many more versions.

I learned the beauty of reading different versions and seeing the language in new ways. I fell in love once again with studying the Bible. In the last year or so, Eric has taken Greek and Hebrew, which means our library gained some language books I hadn’t had at my fingertips before. I began to fall in love with God’s Word again.

I want it to be something I don’t run away from. When it’s hard. Or when I don’t like the conviction it brings to my heart when I’m confronted with my sin. I want it to be something I embrace and love. And yet, most days, that’s still hard. That may be a surprise for many. I’m much more comfortable hiding behind reading Christian non-fiction than actually opening my Bible and letting it change my life.

Reading my Bible today

Recently, I’ve been using my She Reads Truth Bible during my quiet times. I was given a copy by Lifeway so that I could share my thoughts on the Bible with you all. But more than just being a beautiful Bible to review, this Bible is slowly helping me find some space in my life again.

There’s something about this Bible that draws me to it. The simplicity of the cover. There’s a reverence there for me with this Bible that I haven’t felt in a long time. The translation, the CSB, is new to me also. It reads And the accessibility of some of the history through the timelines and maps excite me!

While the Bible doesn’t matter per say, finding a Bible that draws you towards Gods Word is so important. Right now, for this time and space in my life, the She Reads Truth Bible is what I needed. The devotionals have helped point me back towards scripture. I’ve already been writing notes and thoughts in the margin. There’s a freedom for me in the simplicity of the pages that makes me want to fill them with all things.

One of the things I’ve thought about a lot this past month is the idea of freedom. Of being free enough to be me – if I want to dance or clap during worship. Or to embrace the personality that God has given me. To feel comfortable in my own skin. And digging into the word of God brings me to a place where I can find that freedom. It’s only given by Him. And it’s only found in Him. And for today, the She Reads TruthBible is helping me find a little bit more of that freedom.

I received a copy of the She Reads Truth Bible from Lifeway. This review is my own, honest opinion.