Bush did his best to discourage illegal immigration by making America seem like the crappiest, most backward and embarrassing possible place on Earth to live, and man, he was getting pretty close to convincing desperate immigrants that they're probably better off where they are. So close!

And after only 8 years in office, too! That's what's so amazing! Ordinarily it takes like a half century to build that kind of reputation. What a prodigy. The McCain/Palin ticket would have sealed the deal. BOOM, no immigration! Maybe even an increase in emigration - it's hard to predict the long-term effects of Palin's voice on the human brain. There would have been more jobs to go around, and you guys wouldn't need all those shooting deaths to make room for more people any more.

But all that progress is in jeopardy with Obama in the office. He isn't part of the plan, and we foreigners can tell. Many Canadians (my guess is at least a plurality, including this commenter) actually ENVY you for your new leader. (Actually, if it's not to much trouble, we'd sort of like to borrow him if you aren't using him after 2016.)

To be fair, not all the blame is Obama's; Bush made his mistakes as well. Perhaps he was too ambitious, botched one too many decisions or speeches, or tangled himself and his staff in one or twelve too many scandals. All that disaster and humiliation is a hard act to maintain, and no matter how convincing it may seem at first, eventually the audience will stop laughing and remember that reality is never that fantastic. David Copperfield can't really fly or make things disappear out of thin air; no actual gay man is as over-the-top gay as Sigfried and Roy; or Chris Angel; and Bush can't possibly be that stupid and evil at the same time. No one is.

So now America is gravely at risk of distancing itself from the shame and humiliation the Bush administration worked so hard to earn for you all - and I regret that, without it, we foreigners will actually consider living in your big, shiny country again.

We Canadians have always done well keeping our immigrants out by pretending it's like fucking -30F for eight months of the year, and that we use that fucked up metric system bullshit. Recently we started staging weddings between people of the same gender (like two dudes instead of a dude and a chick; have you heard of this "homosexuality" thing before? It's some crazy shit). Other countries are even more creative: the British call their soccer "football" and their football "rugby", and calling baseball "cricket" isn't even scratching the surface of how much of a piss they've taken with that game; the Australians pretend their spiders are gigantic and can kill you just by biting you and when foreigners are around everyone talks in that ridiculous accent - portraying the role of Steve Irwin for over a decade is actually what made Mel Gibson go crazy. And do I even need to bring up the Japanese? Now that Obama is in power with his eloquence and logic and basic human decency, what's to keep foreigners from coming to live with you?

Well, at least you're still working that whole Creationism in schools / "separation of church and state is just for lulz" angle. Good luck with that one.

Wishing you all the best, your Canuckistanian buddy,

TakeWithFood

P.S. Good luck with Jindal in 2012!

Senator_UngerDon't get too smug up there, those Republicans will have to run *somewhere* once we finish building our gay commie utopia down here.

The TownleybombDammit, I came here to watch videos, not listen to some Canadian.

takewithfoodSeriously, I had a temperature of 103 and not much else to do but type out some nonsense for kicks. Didn't mean to piss anyone off.

zerobackup***** for the comment dude! Look how Canadian he is everybody! Instead of telling everyone to fuck off he's apologizing for his long-windedness!

hornungI bet this situation is actually more like Great Escape.
They wrecked the van on purpose right over the exit hole of their escape tunnel thereby allowing everyone to 'appear' that they were exiting the van, when they had been underground the whole time. Genius.

mr666Man, the Mexican people are light years beyond everyone else in the practice of maximizing space in a a car.

Hooper_XEh. white people got over seeing how many folks you can cram into a car back in the sixties. This is the current thing, although those crazy trucks loaded down with dudes in parts of Africa and Asia are where the real next-gen shit is found. As always, the developing world is full of young and hungry types, looking to make a big score by improving on what we've left behind.