Monday, 2 December 2013

Today's post is going to be a little out of the ordinary, but I really felt the need to write this, and as I'm lucky enough to have this platform in order to do it - I thought I may as well take advantage of that. Now, for those that know me, they may think that me writing about self esteem is a little hypocritical, basically because although on my YouTube and in everyday life I'm confident in the way I present myself, however under that exterior, I have some fairly deep rooted insecurities. People that know me well will know that I have parts of me that I'm really not okay with, although for the last couple of hours I've been really giving this some thought and have found the courage to come out and confront these (dare I say) misconceptions I have with myself and perhaps get some more of you to do the same.
First of all, I should explain how I came to this moment of clarity, and how my thought process has been since then. Being fairly restless and downright bored this evening, I decided to hit up Reddit. For those that aren't aware of Reddit, it is basically a website that has forum pages on just about anything and everything imaginable. Some of my favourite /r/'s (an /r/ is a subpage) are the Paranormal, NoSleep and Books. However, this evening I was feeling adventurous and decided to click the Random button at the top of the page. This magical button takes you to a random sub-reddit, some quite disturbing, some very boring. One of my many clicks on this button led me to the /r/Rateme page. For those that are interested, you can look it up, but I'm not linking it here on my blog, it really upset me to be honest. Now, on this page, people post pictures of themselves, sometimes with a bit of backstory, for example:

This post has 26 comments, examples of these include:

Now, it's not like I don't understand the concept of constructive criticism, I really do get it. But what I don't understand is why a beautiful 21 year old girl is seeking validation and improvement advice from the Reddit community (a site that has a primary readership of (sorry to say it but...) often misogynistic men aged between 20-30, need proof of that? Just check out the number of comments on the /r/gonewild pages.(NSFW)). Whilst looking through more pages, I started to see comments about the size of girls noses, the colour of the hair, the size of their boobs. The criticisms just went on and on. Now, before anyone starts telling me "Oh, but they put themselves out there, the commenters are just telling them their honest opinion!!" - I get that too, however, what caught my attention was when I clicked onto some of the harsher commenter's profiles, what I found was post after post of negativity. Nasty internet trolls that have nothing better to do than to insult fragile 20-somethings about their appearance. This really really really grinds my gears.
The reason behind my moderate frustration was not wholly at the nasty trolls themselves, but the attitudes that many people have started to adopt nowadays through tumblr, reddit and instagram. Many people have taken on the idea that rating sites and improvement pages are a way of gaining and maintaining confidence, when really - as I have recently discovered, is certainly not the right way to go about it.
Being confident and having self esteem are very different things. Being confident is more of an external representation of yourself - what you'd like the world to see. Whereas self esteem is your internal acceptance of yourself. Whilst sometimes sites such as the Reddit /r/rateme page may give you that little boost, until you face your own little insecurities and realise (as fooking cheesy as it seems) that we are all beautiful in our own ways, self esteem will never really be achieved.
Now, I personally have two really big insecurities, my teeth and my arms. I've had braces for donkey's years and was constantly bullied growing up because of them. I remember being in Year 5 and being accidentally added to a group chat on MSN where some boys were talking about me and I clearly recall a 10 year old boy saying "ye m8, could prob fit my dik in tht gap in her teeth LOL" and it breaking my heart. Partly as I wasn't sure why he'd want to do that, but secondly because it was the first time I'd realised just how gappy my teeth were. Nowadays, that insecurity isn't so much of a big deal as I've had braces and they're coming off in two weeks time (yay!), but really, the nervousness about opening my mouth, or smiling with my teeth on show has never really gone away. However, upon realising this is becoming a real issue and I have actually changed my behaviour in order to gain validation from the idiots that made me insecure about it in the first place, I'm going to make a conscious effort to ignore the voice in my head telling me "Shut yo' damn mouth gurlfrann, aint nobody wanna see dat" and simply get on with life and grin as I please. My second insecurity is another one I picked up because of bullying and that is my arms. I've always had really bad eczema and I have always tried my best to hide it in order to avoid funny looks and crass comments, however more recently, I've been trying to a) get it cleared up (which is a lot easier now it's not hidden away and forgotten about) and b) forget it's their and just wear whatever I fancy wearing and not let it dictate what I can and can't do. It's taken me a really long time to work out why I hated these parts of me, but once I thought about it, then subsequently confronted these niggling thoughts - I'm now able to just accept that they're part of me and there aint much I can do about it!
I just wish there were more people that could wake up, a bit like I have, and stop seeking validation from a load of strangers and just see that they're gorgeous in their own way. I'm hoping that even just one reader of this post can look in the mirror, work out something they're insecure about a confront it, cause I know that when I did, I felt a massive weight off my shoulders and well and truly gained a bit of self esteem.

Sunday, 13 October 2013

So on Saturday (12th October) myself and some other Youtube/Blog girlies headed over to Shoreditch's Hoxton Bar and Grill for the Boohoo.com Christmas advert shoot!

I was so very lucky to receive this gorgeous Gold Foil dress and some really fabulous shoes that I'd unfortunately sent back to their shoebox by the time these outfit pictures were taken! However I will leave a link to them here. Due to being 5"9 already, the extra height those babies gave me made me feel just a tad uncomfortable! (However, they are beautiful - I spied lots of shoe envy from passers by throughout the day).

The shoes I opted to wear for the rest of the day were some black canvas platforms by Office - which are just so comfy!

PS: thank you Leanne for snapping these pics!

Also may I just point out, yes - I do have a lilac quiff! Still deciding whether that's something that will be sticking about, but at the moment - it's looking like a permanent feature!

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Some of you may know I went to IMATS London on Sunday the 23rd of June and I had a fabulous time :) See vlog here! I picked up some wicked bits and bobs and to see a full haul, check out my YouTube channel - Jambers8!

One thing in particular that I picked up was from the (EXTREMELY DISCOUNTED) NARS counter! I got this badboy for £12.50 (RRP: £32!??!) I was over the moon! It was such a steal and I really just couldn't believe it!

It is a multiple duo - basically, two cream products that serve multiple purposes! I use the real techniques stippling brush to apply the product and will probably use it solely as a blush!

As usual for NARS products, the packaging was b-e-a-utiful!

Can we all just take in how gorgeous that looks un-swatched! Was tempted to keep it like that forever!

Orgasm, the most popular NARS blush was something I was excited to try! I was super tempted to try the powder form of the blush, although there isn't much point of purchasing it now! The longevity of this as a blush was just out of this world! Typing this at 11:20pm after at least an 11 hour wear and its still going strong!

In the pan this was something I doubted I'd wear but felt that for £12.50 it was worth getting the duo even if I was only going to use one side! However, when I got home and tried it on - a whole different opinion was formed! I LOVE IT! The shimmer is subtle and the consistency is divine, perfect for a shimmery bronzed look!

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

So last night, myself and one of my very closest friends decided to hop on the train and go on a spontaneous trip to Disneyland. Now as I am 18 years old, some of you are likely to be wondering - what is wrong with you girlfran'. However, Disneyland is just one of those places where I have 10,000 memories and it just wouldn't have been right for me to jet off to England on Saturday without going there first.

We went after 6 so the entrance was a lot cheaper than the usual daytime price, ¥3,300 (£22) plus the ¥330 (£2.20) train seemed a very reasonable price seeing as there were absolutely no queues! It was insane, 5 minute waits for rides that would usually take 180mins+! The park was open until 10 so we had 4 hours of the magical world of Disney and it really was wonderful. We opted for DisneySea (there are two Disneylands in Tokyo!) as most of the rides are inside and it was a bit rainy out!

The scenery at Disneyland is always amazing, but the amount of detail you see at DisneySea is just beyond fantastic!

We found these awesome 30 Year Anniversary displays all around the park which (much like the Harry Potter studios animated displays) came to life when you touched a sensor - such fun!

Tower of Terror was... err... Terrifying?

DisneySea is aptly located by the Sea, so the big cruise liner and Fish Market setting is quite surreal as it is just so realistic. (Or I may have just been too immersed in the Disney Magic)

The meet up will be taking place outside Hare & Tortoise, a restaurant across the street from Olympia to save any confusion! If you follow this link and it'll take you to the google maps page of how to find Hare & Tortoise from Olympia!

So, the meetup will begin at aprox 1pm! We will all get together and have a bit of a catch up and perhaps do a spot of vlogging. Then, we can all maybe walk around IMATS together then maybe get some drinks/dinner at Westfields! All depends on what people feel like doing!! The world is our oyster after all!

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

So if you watch my YouTube channel, you may know that I am in contact with Jenny, a really lovely marketer for a triad of websites that include: Davideal, VIPHipHop and Repcheap, three websites I bring up in my videos quite frequently. As I'm not sponsored by them - I can well and truly say whatever I like about them, however - all I feel the need to say are good things. Davideal was started very recently and as I was so impressed by the two other sites that Jenny is involved in, as soon as she sent me the link I couldn't wait to have a flick through the pages.

Now, there is one problem with Davideal that I seems to also crop up with many of the other stores that I like to frequent - there are just so many products to choose from, therefore, it's time consuming to sort through them all. Now this is an issue I've flagged up with the website's owners and I'm trying my hardest to get them to tweak it so you don't feel the same frustration I did!

So until Davideal decides to make things a little less cluttered, I have put together a selection of my favourite products which they stock on their website. Now after speaking to Jenny I have found out which stockist they use and was shocked to find out that they use the exact same stockist as ROMWE.com, my number one favourite website. What I also found was that Davideal stocks some of the same items, at a much reduced rate. Also, I noticed on my most recent YouTube video that some of you were voicing concerns about Repcheap and VIPHipHop's lack of PayPal acceptance. Unfortunately, there is nothing they can do to change that - however, Davideal does accept PayPal (Horray!), also I must mention that their sizing for shoes runs up to a UK 6 only which is lucky for me, but unfortunate for many, also clothing may be smaller than you think due to Asian standards, so try to size up if you can! So I do believe that was quite enough background info - here are my picks.

The Neon Yellow Spiked Platform Sandals

(I probably could've given that a punchier name...)

These are so gorgeous and they are most definitely in my shopping basket. Reminiscent of the Jeffery Campbell Puffers whilst retaining that edge of the Underground Creeper, these sandals are a gorgeous statement summer piece. Paired with a simple black playsuit during the day or with Disco Pants at night, these are absolutely to die for! My jaw dropped when I laid eyes on them - in love!

See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil T-Shirt

Now, this is a piece that I'm positive I've seen on ROMWE at one time or another, though it isn't there at the moment. However what I have found from ROMWE is that most of their basic Tshirts, much like the ones on Davideal sell for around $30. I don't know about you guys, but I'd rather save $20 and do a bit of hunting around a website than pay those kind of prices for a T-Shirt.

In the wise words of Macklemore, "Fifty dollars for a T-shirt - that's just some ignorant b***h (s**t)".

A Pleated Pleather Skirt

I know some people are probably pretty bored with the pleather skirt trend, but personally I love it. Such a simple way of turning the most drab ensemble into something that is really quite pleasing on the eye. This little treasure is a steal at only $12! Topshop is throwing them out at about £25~ so let's all be sensible now, this is not a timeless piece, so why pay more than we must?!

Bride of Beetlejuice Dress

I am just so in love with this dress! My all time favourite movie is Tim Burton's 'Beetlejuice' and this dress just screams his name (in a feminine voice of course) I just LOVE it. So simple, yet chic. Definitely on my wishlist. This dress works for all seasons. In summer with some bare legs and some cut out boots and also in winter with some tights and a slouchy beanie - trés magnifique! Also, I must add - What a bargain!

T-Bar Trotters

These are such a classic shoe that I found it impossible not to include these in my picks! They come in two simple and wearable colours (and for the price, why not both!) The T-Bar shoe is one that is girly and playful, but when accompanied by a mid height heel, they transform this playfulness into something far more sophisticated. These shoes are perfect for both daytime and evening and for such a steal of a price! SO impressed!

Saturday, 20 April 2013

So despite the fact I've had several blogs in the past - I felt I really needed a new start. My blogs in the past have been a fabulous outlet, but I don't believe they were truly reflective of me. This is what I'd love to get out of making this new blog!
This blog will be much like my old ones, but with hopefully more regular posts and more affiliations with my YouTube channel!
All very exciting!