NYPD Announces “Snitchin For Status“ Program

Bratton says “Word On The Street“ with all of the vigor with which he practiced in the mirror.

Based
on the unforeseen
collective effort of social media users “analyzing” the video of
a shooting incident at a recent TI concert, the NYPD has announced a
“snitchin’ for status” pilot program. The program would
essentially share social media user’s information on unsolved crimes in
public places-such as train stations and bus advertisements–and on
various social media channels. The department believes that the
promotion of social media profiles in public places would influence
more users to spill what they know.

Bratton said a recent case in
which a person with information agreed only to testify if he was
named in court documents by his twitter handle was an epiphany.

“When shootings went down before, it
was pretty difficult to get to the bottom of them because of ‘no
snitching’ rules. But nowadays, we haven’t had to do much, ” NYPD commissioner Bill Bratton said at a press
conference. “’Word on the street’ is now word on ‘the ‘Gram.’”

Due to the ease in which information
has been disseminated regarding cases in the past five years, NYPD
officials are hoping future investigations can be aided by users who
are posting the information for seemingly vain reasons.

The NYPD notes that users don’t post
information to solve crimes, but for likes, retweets and other
beacons of social media status.

Bratton noted at the press conference
that the NYPD has had the anonymous tips hotline up for years, but
“to be honest no one has ever called the number besides people who
misdialed a pizza parlor.”

Instagram user “SunkissedBae” says she can’t wait to snitch on her drug dealer boytoys for likes and follows.

For recent cases however, speculation
and leads are at the click of a button when public renown is a
factor.

“We think this platform will work
because people will do just about anything if it means getting
attention,” Bratton says. “Snitching means stitches, but what
does that mean to people who will light themselves on fire for
likes?”

Bratton says the program will be up and
running by mid-June to get leads during the infamously dangerous
summertime period. There will be no monetary awards for information
shared via the program, just “public awareness that you did
something.”