Mona's World

Friday, September 3, 2010

Well it has certainly been a long while since I have written and yet I love to write.
However for the past little while I have been pre-occupied and bound within my own thoughts,seraching to hear from God or better yet trying to hear even more than what I think I am hearing forgetting to just rest in Him.
I have been reading books listening to the radio watching tv going to a conference,praying and having conversations with God daily.
Notice the key words in that sentence was I HAVE
Now not to say that what I have been doing is detrimental as I have learned many things, however I want and need more.
I thirst daily and can't seem to quench the dryness that is in my life.
Last night I decided to go to corporate prayer wanting and needing a quiet place with others that understand the deep love of God and that would leave me alone in my thoughts.
What I got was frustration with the noise
What I got was a stronger desire to hear God with the condition He would shut everyone else up so I could hear Him.
Ya not happening
but still I was determined I was going to hear if it killed me.
So I tried to worship but the focus was so much on me the desire for more became frustrating.
However God works in amazing ways
I heard from God even when I didn't think I was.
Scriptures came popping into my head,so I looked them up and wrote them down.
When all was said and done and no more came to mind and my frustration was growing MORE intense
Barry spoke over me and said
"Your nickname is Mo but I see other letters The Lord is telling me you are MORE
More than what you think you are
More than what others see you as
More to me than what you know
and you will be thirsting for more daily and the more you drink of Me the more you will want"
He saw me dancing in a frilly white dress with the Lord I was a princess all sparkley and pretty.He began to laugh. Not quite sure if he was just filled with the spirit or if he was seeing what I was seeing
Me in a white frilly dress.Too funny!
No matter the main thing is I was dancing with the Lord and at that moment my heart was like the Grinch and grew so large in my chest I thought I was going to burst.
It was then the Lord told me He was right hear with me talking to me but I had to hear Him with not my ears but my heart. He told me to re-read the scriptures I had written.
The tears flowed as separately they were words and promises but together they were my thoughts and my story of late with His promise among them.
Here is what He showed me our converstions have been in one long sentence.(separate scriptures)

"You will joyfully draw water from springs of salvation". I said to myself,Go ahead,I will test you with pleasure and enjoy what is good."But it turned out to be futile"STOP (your fighting) and know that I AM GOD exalted among the nations,exalted on earth.Consider ships,though very large and driven by fierce winds,they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.Although I once had confidence in the flesh too.If anyone else thinks he has grounds for confidence in the flesh I have more.Not that I have already reached (the goal) or am already,fully mature but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus.

So my lesson here was to Stop
Stop thinking
Stop forcing
Just Stop and rest in Him

When you think your prayers are never going to be answered and the frustration of trying to hear Him is exhausting and the mind will not stop running the Lord is right there saying Hello I am right here .... No not there..... STOP.... ok now look within.....You got it there I AM..... now sit down get comfortable and just relax and rest in Me...... Ok now what do you want to talk about today?

Monday, May 31, 2010

Sunday, March 14, 2010

This weekend I haven't been questioning my faith but holding on to it tightly.
The recent events that have plague our community has gotten to me.
Missing persons
Murder 4 within the last month
What is happening?
The recent deaths of this past weekend have hit home.
Tracey Hannah and her daughter Whitney,Shannon still in serious condition clinging to life.
Tracey and I went to school together.
Were we close friends No
but our lives did cross paths.
We were in the same classes together
we went to the same parties in Highschool
and her eldest daughter Jamie-Lynne and my youngest son Dave went to school together.
Last month I saw her and we laughed and joked about all the bush parties we went to and how we were getting older and how we couldn't believe our kids have grown so much. We talked about makeup for Whitney for her grade 8 grad and finished with a we should get together for a coffee sometime.
How many times have we said those words never to follow up.

Now I never knew Traceys Married name. My son said I knew her but I just couldn't place Tracey Hannah in my mind,It hit me Friday that could this be Tracey Urch.
Nope couldn't be I was just talking to her.
It was confirmed for me today when they posted her picture on the news.
My heart sank even farther then it had prior to that moment of reality.
Reality
That is when clinging to my faith was the most important thing.
Yes I have questions
Typical ones like Why Lord
or Did you know this is how she would die when you created her?
"For I know the plans I have for you"
Does it include this?
Did it include the young woman hiding in the closet?
Praise God in the Highest for that!
I am reflecting on the Friday this all happened and the conversation that took place in the staff room.
One Christian believing in Capital punishment and becoming so intensely upset about this.
Then there was the non christian saying but what about his rights.
Then there was me praying fervourishly in my head to say the right thing.
Speaking about justice will be served and that even the young man is Gods child.
That God will discipline him beit life in jail but will also be patient for his repentance.
Grace and Mercy
Then I ended this with I say this now because stuff like this hasn't hit close to home.
My flesh feels one way but my spirit feels another way and I needed to concentrate on my spirit not my flesh.
Needless to say
WHAM this morning it hit close to home.
So I am battling the anger (Not with God) of the flesh and clinging to the tiniest of mustard seed that God so lovingly placed in my heart so very long ago.
This mustard seed will be my rock in days to come when the conversations get heated in this city.
I emplore all of you to cling tightly to the slightest bit of faith when things get tough in our lives and God will bring us through it triumphantly.
I know it and feel it and most of believe it that God will bring good out of all that has been happening in this city.
I trust my Father and praise Him for giving me but a moment to know such a lovely young woman.