Hello friends Im hoping to once again apply for Spiderforest next month, and that requires a critique thread because I was rejected last February. I asked for crit back then, and recieved it, but I figured as a year has passed, I should probably get a fresher thread going.

Soul Boundhttp://soulbound-comic.com/ is my webcomic, a mature (some NSFW pages) fantasy about a princess who was supposed to die, but was transported to a magical realm and shenanigans ensue

Ive been trying my best to improve as I go, I use references as much as i can, I evened out ALL my panels and Ive been trying to improve my lighting.

I've been making this comic for over a year now, and I would like some feedback of about 7-8 (i get hurt easily but need honesty)

- is the story interesting? Easy to follow? Does it keep you wanting to continue reading?- has the art improved? is there less stiffness?- has the lighting improved?

I can't think of anything else right now...but thank you for your thoughts and time

I agree that deliberately choosing angles to highlight the flow of action within comic sequences is essential to create dynamic and memorable compositions, but I don't quite follow your sketch, Tiana. Do you think you could clarify either your crit more with specific examples of what's better (within a comic page or pages), or your sketch more?

Additionally, could you explain more about what you found boring, and why? And maybe suggest what the story needs for you to not find it boring?

-Kez (no, really, lower case is ok!)"Be awake, be mindful you can be deceived. There are things that can shake our world."

Thank you for stopping by again, Kryspix! I agree that there's some flow issues with the panels that could be addressed, but it's getting much better. I'll let other folks talk about that since they started.

Art-wise, keep pushing using the environment to build character. This is one area I struggle with a lot and I really had to challenge myself to do the cool thing instead of the easy thing. Try to work in one establishing shot every 2-3 pages, where we see the whole room from a different angle. I've discovered the wonders of the Sketchup 3D Warehouse, which is a searchable database of 3D models that other people have built of various places that you can spin around and find different angles for. They can be great baselines for figuring out tricky camera angles and how far away interior stuff like tables and chairs should be before they look weird. There's one I've been using for my redraws of my old Sombulus panels that's just a bunch of simple skyscraper blocks and it's SO HELPFUL because I have no brain for not-straight-on perspective sometimes. You might search for "prison" or "zoo" in your current scene.

Writing-wise: I rustled around and found my previous feedback from your last thread and I had written this list of stuff I wanted to see, so I thought I'd compare it to what I've seen now.

Quote:

I want Mara especially to have agency and character!

I'm enjoying seeing her character slowly unfold, and I think you have some seeds of things. She's kind. She wants to do what's right and help people who are trapped. She has self-confidence issues, but she can be pushed to act outside of them. But Mara still seems like a person who NEEDS to be pushed, and I'm not always comfortable about who's pushing her and how. Even her own ideas about how to free the harpy dude seem to be bred out of feeling sorry for others or obligated to them. Especially in the scene where this takes on a sexual context with the Thirsty Assistant and in her flashbacks, it gets cringey. I'm glad she had enough agency to stop things when she didn't like where they were going, and I trust you have a deliberate reason for drawing that kind of parallel of how Mara's been emotionally manipulated by people she loves. But yeah, it feels very reminiscent of Anna's role in Frozen where she was so isolated that she didn't recognize the signs of an emotional manipulator until he showed his cards, which was also hard to watch for me.

Quote:

I want Mara and San'zir to be imperfect; give them interesting character flaws!

I already touched on Mara's confidence issues as a flaw, which despite my personal discomfort, I think is a good one. It's interesting to see in relation to her conversations with San'zir, who shares a lot of her confidence issues, the Thirsty Assistant who takes advantage of her emotional insecurities, and the magic tome that seems to be literally tapping out her life force. I'm curious how it ties in with how the harpy dude sees her.

I do think it's getting a bit repetitive, though, because you're driving it home not only with her actions but lots and lots of dialogue, internal monologues, and flashbacks. You could probably edit down half of them and not really miss much, I think.

San'zir's been a bit harder to gauge in this scene since he hasn't been able to act much for plot reasons, but I'm curious to see what his role is going to be in the future. I like that he has the confidence thing in common with Mara, but I'd also like to see how he deals with it differently.

Quote:

I want to see the setting and how it affects the characters.

I'm intrigued by the creatures we've seen in the menagerie and what's coming out about the magic system. Again, scenes where I can see the magic and setting in action will be much stronger than an infodump in a dialogue, but this scene is limiting because Harpy dude is literally in a cage and San'zir's trying to play dumb. I'm looking forward to a scene where they can practice magic a little more openly like they're doing now instead of just talking about it like before, and also seeing how "normal" life/families/society looks in this world.

Curious to see where it all goes next!

Kryspix

Offline

Kryspix

Jan 06 2018, 10:42 pm

Re: Soul Bound critique

Thank you Tiana for your views, which left me questioning my abilities and whether i should give up entirely. I will remove my boring story, unpleasant artwork, and myself from the forums so i no longer cause issue.

Definitely misinterpreted. I removed my post. I meant to say that this one aspect of it was the one thing remaining that I thought you hadn't really improved upon, and that I was rather impressed by the fact that you'd pushed the rest of it so hard.

I am sorry it was misinterpreted, caused hurt, and I will no longer give critique unless requested privately. I did not consider my language to be out of place for what I consider 8/10, 10 being the harshest possible critique. I did send an apology via Twitter to the OP, because I consider her to have been a valuable part of our community and I am unhappy to have done that sort of damage.