Be warned that if you give any of the following gifts to your friend/girlfriend/homosexual/favorite pony/favorite porn star, there could be a high possibility of freaking out, suicide attempts, death, fainting or anything else. However, if you are giving gifts to an enemy or rival, then these are the best choices.

Make him/her remember the old days by making him/her inhale that expensively deadly perfume.

13. A male Gardevoir

No one wants a male pokemon who looks like a female. That's just gross.

The final 12

12. 12 Drummers Drumming

Who doesn't love to hear a dozen high school marching band members trying to drum in syncopation in the privacy of their lounge room.

11. 11 Pipers Piping

And adding the wind section from a marching band means that you also get to hear the wonderful accompaniment of 10 recorders squealing out the one flute player.

10. 10 Lords-a-Leaping

Given your friend already has 23 members of a marching band wandering through their lounge-room, having ten gentleman who have a fondness for musical theatre bouncing around and saying "Oh, my dear chap" may be a little of an overkill.

9. 9 Ladies Dancing

While this sounds like a great idea, how big is your friends lounge room?

8. 8 Maids-a-Milking

So just to add to the overall cacophony that your friends lounge has become, we're now bringing in cattle to the mix. I hope the carpet has been Scotchgarded™.

7. 7 Swans-a-Swimming

I hope he has a big bathtub.

6. 6 Geese-a-Laying

And plenty of places for nesting birds.

5. 5 Gold Rings

The ideal present to give to someone who has a marching band and a menagerie in their household.

4. 4 Calling Birds

Because your friend will be so well rested that they'll need a bird to call out to them at random times of the day.

3. 3 French Hens

On the plus side, at least there are no roosters involved. Even so...

2. 2 Turtle Doves

How many birds does one person need?

1. A Partridge in a Pear Tree

Great, now you have dumped a tree in your friends lap, with yet another bird. Of course, if you were to go through the 12 days of Christmas[1] song in order, at the end you would have given:

12 partridges

12 pear trees

22 turtle doves

30 French hens

36 calling birds

40 gold rings

42 geese

An unspecified number of goose eggs

42 swans

A lot of water for the swans to swim in

40 milking maids

At least 40 associated cows

Significant quantities of milk

36 ladies still doing the can-can

30 lords probably limping by this stage

22 recorder players

12 drummers

If you still have a friend left after all 400 plus presents, congratulations!