It called me, I shoulda knownAs the fever sweat through the dreamTold mamma that I couldn’t goSo I could stay home just to watch him dancingAnd you could not tell me thenLike you could never ever tell me nowThat this is not who I am…

~*~

I lost my way when I told everyone I’m keeping my resolve

I changed directions but hit the brakes when I started to swerve

Blood on the carpet, cracked car window and I don’t regret it

Perhaps it’s just too late, and call me cliché but I just might make it

.

The fever haunts my sleep like a ghost, it keeps me up at night

I’m sweating tears, way past the years of choosing wrong or right

But the final decision won’t be under your static voice’s call

It’s collapsing in weekends and dead ends, need some damage control

.

Reluctance only absolves the manifested consequences it amasses

A separation in the direct degree, as the unread side effects harasses

I’ve got bricks for shoes, and you were the one who tied the shoelaces

But despite the weight, I won’t sink lower than you, and I’ll finally find peace under the currents.

~*~

(It’s like I’m living with)Concrete strapped to my feet, tossed out into the seaWhy you gotta scream at me when everyone is listening?Calm down, you’re waving that gun too fast, you’ve got to breatheHow am I gonna talk to you when I’m wearing bricks for shoes?Yeah, c-o-n-c-r-e-t-e-e, c-o-n-c-r-e-t-e-e, c-o-n-c-r-e-t-e-e, r-e-t-e-e…

Your words were written in cold blood Anatomy of a ghost, invisible friendI won’t pay for sanity ’cause I don’t want to knowSome things are better left alone…

~*~

I deserve no more no less, for I’ve always been a regular IV hospice bleeder

Aestheticless to the bone, and you were just another veiled catholic sinner

I unraveled my stained ruby bandages to find you whimpering, lost inside

And I thought you’d come out finally from where you’re cowering and hide

But you shackled yourself deep within to the chambers of my aching heart

And it hurts me, and perhaps you as well, when I try to pull you and I apart

So I left you as is, thought this fragile proposition was nice and harmless

‘Til I fell for your sapphire eyes so hard that the ground became bottomless

You’re dragging me down to the bottom of the abyssal lake, under the high glen

I can swim quite well against currents, but your added burden made me sink

So I inhaled the frosty waters, and I drank what’s left of my precious oxygen

Sustaining the life of my frozen heart with my warm soul as I wade in the ink

But you swam away from me cruelly, and tore my beating heart into pieces

Shattered the last vestiges of my dignity, leaving me alone and helpless

No longer can I weep, ma cherie, for crystal tears don’t flow in the undertow

Can you still feel my numb skin when I already can’t, love?…It feels so cold.

I was wounded once but can heal the pain, yet now I’ll be bleeding out forever

As you prowl among the oaken pews, searching for another victim wherever

I used to be just a broken bleeder, and you used to be just some senseless sinner

But corpses can’t bleed out anymore, dearest, and the devil’s always a clear-cut winner.

~*~

It seemsI’m not everything you wanted me to beIn a dream on the way to the hospital I’ll slip awayWhat’s happening to me?And as you drag the lake and pull me outDo you feel the shame inside you?And as my body lays before you nowDo you feel my skin? It’s cold.