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Addiction and Divorce

Addiction is a fatal disease that affects divorce cases in so many facets.
In this day and age, is there anyone who is not affected by addiction
in some way, shape, or form? Is there anyone who does not know a family
member, a friend, or a co-worker who is afflicted? In fact, I would venture
to say that addiction is the leading cause of divorce in America. Perhaps
not on the surface, perhaps not in the surveys, but if we were to explore
the root cause of divorce in America, I am confident that addiction would
be the leading cause. Look no further than the celebrity gossip source,
TMZ – Brooke Mueller, Denise Richards, Charlie Sheen, Michael Lohan
and the list goes on and on. Hollywood is reflective of society in this regard.

Once the marriage is broken, and financial and emotional devastation has
engulfed the family, how does one begin to pick up the pieces? How does
one address the massive credit card debt and medical debt? What about
those taxes you owe?

Most importantly, what about the children? How do we repair the harm have
they suffered? How do we fashion a Parenting Plan that will provide them
recovery, stability and security?

None of it matters, unless the addict takes responsibility for themselves
and their recovery. If they do not, they will surely end up in jail or
dead. Then the divorce case becomes a probate case.

However, in belief that the addict will recover, we will focus on the children issues.

Often times it is best to start with some form of supervised timesharing.
Often times the addicted parent has been absent – either by way
of active addiction or by way of rehabilitation, or both. Furthermore,
depending on the age of the children (if they are younger), supervision
may be appropriate in a general sense for their security. This supervision
should occur for an interim period as the transition of the addicted parent's
time with the children is incrementally increased. As the addict recovers,
and the children feel safer, supervised timesharing can be slowly reduced
and ultimately removed.

It is also critical that the there is a therapeutic component involved
with the timesharing. The oversight and integration of a well trained
therapist will help guide not only the children and the addicted parent,
but also the other parent who is most likely walking through their own
pain and grief. Having a therapist oversee the global process will help
mitigate the issues inherent in this process. Their objective view will
help guide the process and keep it on track.

Finally, the most important elements are patience and time. The breakdown
did not occur over one day, one week, or one month. Recovery will not
happen overnight. Yet, if the appropriate components are in place, the
road to recovery and healing will occur, and ultimately, the children
will recover.