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Having opened up the darker secrets of my submissiveness has created a much more significant Vulnerability in me, regarding Maca.

I was explaining the other day;
If Friendship is a risk base of 10 points
Romantic gestures added=+5pts
Sex added=+20
Commitment=+10
Marriage=+20
Submission=+20H
Kids=+50 per kid
Buying a home=+20
Etc. so with each addt'l sharing, the risk goes up and thus your POTENTIAL DAMAGE increases too.
So when assessing the relationship against itself, it can increase risk and thus your vulnerability with each of these (and there are others) added dynamics to any relationship.......

Unrelated to Poly,
my godson, SplitPea, disappeared.... Christmas will be 2 years I think. Anyway, In May he reached out to me via facebook.
He beat around the bush for 1/2 hour via instant messenger then asked "where do we stand".
It was his mom who took him-and dumped him with his paternal grandparents for a year before finally arranging for him to go live with her (long back story of abandonment etc).

Anyway, I told him my only bitch with him was that he promised to let us know he was safe-and he didn't. He agreed, he's plenty old enough now to at least drop a post card in the mail that says he's safe.
So, in the months since, he's been keeping touch and letting me know when he gets moved around etc. He's in Louisiana now.
But, today he's struggling because his mom is endlessly jumping boyfriend to boyfriend and not doing shit with her own life (or his). His stepfather still has legal custody (he lives here) and won't give it up, but his mom can't enroll him in school because of it.
The kid is smart-but educationally-fucked because of their stupid shit-it makes me SICK.
He's been on im with me for an hour and its SO FUCKING HARD to keep my mouth shut about HOW FUCKING RIDICULOUS it is the shit they are doing with him. He's 15 now. Still got 3 years to go.

Where is that line where he ends and I begin? Sometimes I find myself unsure of where to set the limit.
Where it feels best for me is obvious enough. But, if that is 'too far' for him? Dealbreakers? I don't know.

For me, I could never date someone who didn't treat both of my loves with respect and I couldn't do anyone talking trash about them. It's very simple for me-so much so that I walked away from my dad over it (and I am a daddys girl).
I can't even do friends and family if they can't manage respectful treatment of my spice.

But-just because I feel that way, does that mean he shouldn't befriend and/or date someone who doesn't respect me?

I think there is something wrong with me. I read your post today and my heart started pounding in my ears so loud, I thought it was going to explode. It's not like I don't know that you have sex with him, but it just fucks me up to read or hear about it. I feel like a hypocrit. And I hate it. I don't want to make a big deal out of this, I don't even think I want to talk about it. I just wanted you to know, incase I act...out of sorts. It's not you, and I'm just trying to work through it.

That was the text I got tonight as a result of writing about GG in my poly blog today.

This, only a couple hours after telling me he would like to go to the now 25 yo's derby event next month.

Chick who has a conflict with me that started with her telling me he has no issues with poly any more and I am the one who needs to let go of all of the unnecessary boundary restrictions because he doesn't need them, and I'm just being vindictively possessive so he can't be with her. Uh huh.

Right. Same chick who thinks that she knows him so much better than I do and that I just don't understand how much he has changed that he totally understands and accepts my relationship with GG and that he just wants and needs me to give him the opportunity to build the same type of relationship. (as if i am stopping him).
Same chick who refuses to sit down with me face to face and resolve the conflict between us which escalated with her tash talking of me, and instead has convinced him to sweep it all under the carpet and they can go on with their little social life together and pretend nothing happened and that I dont exist.

What the fuck is so hard to understand about taking time to develop at least a friendly, respectful metamour relationship? What the fuck is so hard to understand About clear and direct communication with metamours is NECESSARY to ensure a safe trip thru their fucking airspace?

She is a self righteous, self centered bitch.
He is a fucking moron.
I am fucking caught in a game of Muppet bullshit and I cant get calm enough to find the fucking appropriate exit.
God DAMN IT.

I texted back that he should forward the message to her. Let her rationalize out what the fuck I am supposed to do with it.

Sorry... couldn't resist. Seriously, her message is confusing to me. This is Maca's gf and she's upset that you're having sex with GG? And she posts a message like that without ever sitting down to talk to you? Weird!

LR, you have better things to do with your time than give any more thought to this. Don't let it get to you, don't let her occupy space in your head rent-free, as they say. Breathe...

BUT he is also a "live it and learn it" person-so anytime I say anything, its automatically disregarded, until he experiences it for himself.
It's fucking annoying.

I would rather he move on than make everyone miserable by playing games.

In the meantime, I'm doing like GalaGirl said-and just not participating with any of it-because I need to deal with me and I'm on overload. School takes higher priority than their bullshit and the kids take higher priority than all of it.

So, off to class with kids in tow. Finish out the class while my GG takes the kids to the library (they love it there) and then grab lunch with them all so we can have some fun before he goes to work.

One thing at a time-and giving the kids and GG a happy day is something I can do, gives us all a break.

You may not find this helpful but I was really struck in your post about Maca's text that you went immediately to anger at the woman he's seeing.

It reads to me like you are seriously angry at Maca and are transferring that anger to her. From what you've written, she's no great prize. But Maca wrote that text, not her. Yet your anger, at least in this post, is directed at her.

Also, yeah, don't tar the Muppets with this! I know GG uses that term but I love the Muppets and would not mind being in a Muppets situation at all!

I see two totally separate issues.
1. Maca has issues hearing about your sex life with GG and ALWAYS has
2. You have issues with Maca's interest in the 20's something twit.

I think your issues with the 20 something are escalating things, that would be an issue in any case. Personally, I see nothing wrong with his text. As soon as I read the blog post, I was wondering how Maca would deal with reading that much detail. I give him kudos for recognizing that this is setting him off, giving you a heads up and realizing this is his to work through. I would have a discussion with him and ask if next time he wants a heads up to avoid that post or not, or together you can come up with a code or something where he can decide to read or avoid based on his mood at the time.

I personally can deal much better with emotional triggers, if I have some warning. I have sent similar texts (about other issues), and then been able to have a rational discussion about it later. Being able to express these triggers without fear of a massive explosion, is extremely helpful. It also helps me work through things and it doesn't bother me so much the next time. Sometimes, it is the tiny small things that we can do differently that can make all the difference in the world.

Not going to address the issues with the 20 something gf. "If you can't say anything nice..." Eventually, the blinders will come off, just stand your ground in the meantime.