(A woman comes onstage. She is beautifully dressed, and has a perfect manicure, perfect expensive purse. She is walking confidently, then sees someone and is startled, but recovers quickly.)

Oh, hello! How are you? I didn't know you walked in this park. It is lovely, isn't it?

(Listens, nods)

Oh, no, what happened between you and my son is between you and my son! After all, the fact that you had an affair with his best friend since kindergarten, well, that just showed maybe he had a need for a different best friend!

(Tilts her head, puzzled)

Of course, you actually having sex with Todd at the engagement party, that was a little different, but having a threesome with Todd's sister? Now that was the material of People magazine stories! I'm still looking for an article!

(Starts to walk, following the person)

And please don't worry, my son is completely over his depression! After the suicide attempt, he received some excellent medical care! And because he cut his wrists in the bathtub, there were no permanent stains! It was a win-win situation!

(Starts to walk faster, then even jog)

And isn't is amazing how things work out for the best? I mean, the abortion, and all......those DNA tests are so expensive! Oh, don't go, I want to hear all about your life, too!

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Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.

Author

Janet S. Tiger’s award-winning plays and monologues have been produced internationally and are currently in popular anthologies in the United States and Canada.