Denouncing informercials is really just part of the American experience, especially since this guy is gone and this guy seems set to do jail time, but I can’t remember a time where I saw something on late-night TV where I said to myself, “This is absolute junk that will be of no worth to anyone in the universe, ever.” Until now.

This is the Hug-E-Gram, and if you have $30 to piss away in These Trying Economics Times, you can pick one up for Valentine’s Day this Sunday. Oh yes, that’s two days from now. You didn’t forget, did you? No, of course not. Valentine’s Day is good for a card…and that’s about it. She already has her birthday, your anniversary, and 9/11 to feel special. How many days does she need?