STOP THE JUDGEMENT, STOP THE HATE - A LETTER TO THOSE "PERFECT PARENTS"

11 September 2017

Dear perfect parents,

That opening should realistically be aimed at no one, as lets be honest, there are NO perfect parents, we all make mistakes, we're all learning and we're all on this massive journey of motherhood that is freaking difficult. Learning curves, emotional breakdowns, mum guilt - you know what i'm talking about.

There is no right or wrong way to raise your kids, there is a very "no no" way of raising but unless your abusing your children mentally or physically then chances are you don't fall into that category.

Being a Mum is hard, like the hardest journey I ever took, the scariest most rewarding adventure and i'm still exploring. One thing that utterly grinds on me and makes me furious is the constant put down of parents. Mum's choices of work, Mum's choices of what they feed their kids, Mum's choice to co-sleep, Mum's choice to sleep train, Mum's choice to stick fish fingers on their kids plate and garnish with microwaved super noodles.

The internet plays such a huge part in this, 21 years ago when my Mum was raising me, the same age as Lucas she didn't have perfect Paula commenting on her instagram picture suggesting she wasn't looking after me properly because I had no socks on in the pram and "No socks? It's freezing outside, you know its Winter right?" Yeah, thanks Paula, I thought I was in the bahamas; my child wont keep socks or shoes on and after picking them up off the floor 300 times in the space of 10 minutes in a busy shopping centre full of aggressive Christmas shoppers has reduced me to the F*** it attitude - True story.

The thing nowadays is people see what you put online and automatically assume they can have an opinion on it, like they have an open right to practically slate your parent choices because they would do differently. That's not okay and we should be able to be ourselves online without fearing the backlash of it.

I remember a few weeks ago Lucas was being an utter ass, yep, I call him an ass and had already had numerous meltdowns upon leaving the house, we were running incredibly late and he decided walking like a snail, I huffed and said "Come on Lucas, you're walking like a snail on purpose" honestly picture it, a grumpy faced toddler, shuffling his feet on purpose and an old woman said to her husband "Oh, isn't she snappy" I could have bit her head off but decided to walk on. Why do people need to make a judgement, I don't understand it. You see what you want to see. That lady hadn't seen the meltdown about not wearing jelly shoes as it was raining and to put his wellies on and him hit his sister and him hit me for attempting to put Mickey Mouse wellies on when he wanted Dinosaurs and he didn't want to wear his shark coat he wanted the yellow one. Little things that build up to making you snappy and frustrated.

Instagram is known as Instasham, people put up what they want you to see and for the first time I get it, you see "bigger" insta Mum's being raw and honest about their parenting choices and they're sent hate. "HOW DARE YOU SLEEP TRAIN, YOUR CHILD WILL BE FOREVER DAMAGED"What about Mum? What about poor Mum who's been battling with this child waking every 30 minutes for the past year and has tried everything and is feeling pretty shitty about this decision but is near an absolute mental breakdown and doesn't know what else to do."HOW DARE YOU NOT BREASTFEED YOUR CHILD, FORMULA IS POISON" No, we all know breast is best, you cannot argue with facts but my breastfed child is no healthier than my formula fed child and I don't need your opinion either way."HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU NOT PROVIDE YOUR CHILD WITH ORGANIC VEGETABLE DINNERS EVERY NIGHT" I'm sorry my bank balance and time schedule doesn't allow it, so some nights its cheesy pasta or chicken nuggets and chips.

Who cares if your child is dressed in Ralph Lauren and Ted Baker or Next and Zara or Asda and Primark? As long as they're happy and clean.Who cares if you bath them in Baby Dove or Child's farm or asda's own, as long as they're happy and clean.Who cares if you make them organic puree's, pasta or chuck some fish fingers on a plate as long as they have a well balanced diet and are fed.

How you raise your children is personal, as long as you're doing a good job and those kids are happy, healthy and smiling then that is all that matters. Don't tear another Mother down the next time she asks me advice and you don't agree with her choice just scroll if you have anything nice to say, if you see a Mum doing something the complete opposite to you (not harmful or dangerous) then just scroll if you don't have anything nice to say.

We're a Motherhood, a Sisterhood, a tribe of Mothers and strong woman. Let's not knock Mum's down. You don't know what they're dealing with inside, what they've been through or what their morning, day or night has been like.

Pop a positive comment to a Mother and let them know they're doing a good job. Technically we're all "perfect" parents as we're raising perfect kids and we may be biased but they're the most beautiful littles on the planet and have the most wonderful personalities.

So, Dear perfect parents, stop shitting on other Mothers and build them up.