Watch out for pigs gathering sticks

Published: Sunday, August 25, 2013 at 4:30 a.m.

Last Modified: Thursday, August 22, 2013 at 7:40 p.m.

Oh, child, there are some things better not known!

After this water-logged summer that has seen me splashing out to the barn each morning, pushing wheelbarrows through the mosquito-infested slog that was formerly paddocks and affixing water wings to my horses before leading them out to the arena, which has been so flooded at times that it resembles an infinity pool, I just had to Google the long range forecast for the Southeast regarding our impending winter.

Brace yourself:

u Wetter than usual.

u Colder than usual.

u More snowfalls than usual.

This was gleaned from the ‘live weather bloggers’ at the The Weather Channel, using all sorts of the latest technology that is supposedly rather reliable in terms of tracking that horrible little brat, El Nino. When ‘The Little Boy’ forms, he tends to create a jet stream that stays active and low over the southern half of the country, and with it brings all the lousy weather it implies.

This makes me very supportive of spanking, by the way.

Now, keep in mind it is just a forecast, and, as we all know after watching computer models resembling a plate of linguini trying to predict the path of a hurricane, they are often wrong.

Quite wrong.

I cannot tell you how many times this past month I have checked the online radar and, satisfied to see nothing looming before turning horses out to graze, have had to bolt out the mudroom door, lead ropes in hand, to sprint with the determination of a coffee-fueled mob bursting through the doors of Walmart during Black Friday back to the fields to promptly bring them in, lightning cracking overhead and Valentino trotting in the most understanding way beside me.

This isn’t just inconvenient; it could be deadly: our property is studded with towering poplars that openly taunt the stormy heavens as we dart between and beneath them, and, even if we didn’t have the trees, surely I would be the tallest thing in the field.

If we can’t trust computers, perhaps it is time to return to the old tried and true to get some sort of idea of what this winter has in store. Indeed the Farmer’s Almanac has given us those signs! Trailing my finger down the page I read they include thicker-than-normal corn husks, woodpeckers sharing a tree, pigs gathering sticks (I didn’t know they could do that, either), a narrow orange band on the wooly caterpillar and thick hair on the nape of a cow’s neck.

But surprisingly, nothing about Jim Cantore of Weather Channel fame doing away with shaving his head.

So while I hunt for a cow that will allow me to become her stylist, I can tell you a guaranteed sign for the worst winter you’ve ever experienced. Trust me, it never fails.

<p>Oh, child, there are some things better not known!</p><p>After this water-logged summer that has seen me splashing out to the barn each morning, pushing wheelbarrows through the mosquito-infested slog that was formerly paddocks and affixing water wings to my horses before leading them out to the arena, which has been so flooded at times that it resembles an infinity pool, I just had to Google the long range forecast for the Southeast regarding our impending winter.</p><p>Brace yourself:</p><p>u Wetter than usual.</p><p>u Colder than usual.</p><p>u More snowfalls than usual.</p><p>This was gleaned from the live weather bloggers’ at the The Weather Channel, using all sorts of the latest technology that is supposedly rather reliable in terms of tracking that horrible little brat, El Nino. When The Little Boy’ forms, he tends to create a jet stream that stays active and low over the southern half of the country, and with it brings all the lousy weather it implies.</p><p>This makes me very supportive of spanking, by the way.</p><p>Now, keep in mind it is just a forecast, and, as we all know after watching computer models resembling a plate of linguini trying to predict the path of a hurricane, they are often wrong.</p><p>Quite wrong.</p><p>I cannot tell you how many times this past month I have checked the online radar and, satisfied to see nothing looming before turning horses out to graze, have had to bolt out the mudroom door, lead ropes in hand, to sprint with the determination of a coffee-fueled mob bursting through the doors of Walmart during Black Friday back to the fields to promptly bring them in, lightning cracking overhead and Valentino trotting in the most understanding way beside me.</p><p>This isn’t just inconvenient; it could be deadly: our property is studded with towering poplars that openly taunt the stormy heavens as we dart between and beneath them, and, even if we didn’t have the trees, surely I would be the tallest thing in the field.</p><p>If we can’t trust computers, perhaps it is time to return to the old tried and true to get some sort of idea of what this winter has in store. Indeed the Farmer’s Almanac has given us those signs! Trailing my finger down the page I read they include thicker-than-normal corn husks, woodpeckers sharing a tree, pigs gathering sticks (I didn’t know they could do that, either), a narrow orange band on the wooly caterpillar and thick hair on the nape of a cow’s neck.</p><p>But surprisingly, nothing about Jim Cantore of Weather Channel fame doing away with shaving his head.</p><p>So while I hunt for a cow that will allow me to become her stylist, I can tell you a guaranteed sign for the worst winter you’ve ever experienced. Trust me, it never fails.</p><p>Put off buying that generator.</p>