it's a homophone, dammit.

December 30, 2009

Last year, I posted my annual list of resolutions online. For me, this annual tradition is pretty much an exercise in public shaming. I try to force myself to keep my resolutions by making them public. Often, my real goal isn't the resolution itself, but simply to attempt to keep the resolution. And if you think of things in that light, it's better to shoot for the moon. Last year, I posted a particularly ambitious set. So how did I do? Erm. Kind of lousy. Results below.

Fitness:
1. Complete a marathon
I'd like to do this in less than 3.5 hours. But that's an aspiration more than a goal. What I'm going to accomplish is to run 26.2 miles.

Nope! Not only did I not complete one, I didn't even try. The closest I came was the Double Dipsea, which is a fun (and exhausting) race from Stinson Beach to Mill Valley and back again over Mt. Tam. But at 14 miles, it's hardly a marathon. I did run some long distance training runs last year, hitting the 19 mile mark twice. But 2009 turned into a year of enjoying the outdoors and fitness rather than competing in events (see the next entry). I probably logged more miles running in '09 than I did in '08, but not competitively. I uncharacteristically left my GPS at home, and just ran for fun. I think, as a result, I love running now more than I did a year ago. But I'm still longing to check that 26.2 miler off my list.

2. Complete a Half-Ironman in less than 5.5 hours This year, I finished my first half in 5:34. I think I can get it under five and a half hours simply by doing better in the transitions. I took a lot of time transitioning at Vineman, because it was my first time out and I more or less used them as breaks. But one area where I can certainly shave some time this year at Wildflower is my swim. I'm a crummy swimmer. Which leads me to:

Nope! I didn't even come close to this. In fact, the only Half-Ironman I registered for last year was Wildflower, and I chickened out at the last minute and competed in the Olympic distance instead. I essentially spent all of 2008 competing in triathlons (I did 5 that year in all, including two Alcatraz triathlons, and a Half-Ironman). I was burned out. I was tired of competing. I was tired of training nearly every day in pursuit of personal records. I needed a break. I'm signed up for the Auburn Triathlon in 2010, but given its reputation as "the world's toughest half" I doubt I'll finish in less than 5.5. And you know what? I don't really care.

3. Swim lessonsI suck at swimming. While I was a strong and frequent swimmer growing up (I even worked as a lifeguard at Boy Scout camp and the YMCA) I was never on a team. And because I was never on a team, I never learned good form. And because I never learned good form, I'm slow. You know the difference between me and Michael Phelps? Too many to count. But the difference between me and the guy who finishes five to ten minutes ahead of me on a 1.5 mile swim? It's not fitness; it's form. I'm going to suck it up and take some swim lessons this Winter, even if they bore the shit out of me.

Done. Although just one. But that single lesson did more to improve my form than all my other practice in the previous three years combined. I need more.

4. First ElvisI'm going to be the first person dressed as Elvis to cross the finish line at this year's Bay to Breakers. Hunka, hunka.

Check! This was one of the best things I've ever done. Harper waited for me at the end to verify that I was the first E across the line, but it turned out that she didn't need to: all along the way I heard over and over, "hey, it's the first Elvis!" Hauling ass in an Elvis costume was a phenomenal feeling. While I was far from being a race leader, I was certainly one of the leading people in costume. It's a rush, and I felt a little bit like I was giving back to the city I love. But one major lesson learned: Elvis costumes are hot. I felt like I was going to pass out by about mile 5 from the heat inside that suit. This year, I may try to ventilate it.

Professional:1. Three Blog Posts Per MonthWhat's this doing under professional? One thing I've always said I love about blogging is that as a professional writer, my blog is my freedom. It's the place where I get to say whatever I want, however I want, unfiltered by editors, factcheckers, spellcheckers, or common sense. But it's also a place where I refine story ideas, where I try out new concepts, and organize my thoughts. It's a valuable professional tool. In 2008, I almost quit blogging. It was an accident, I tumbled too much instead. I don't know about you, but I've grown tired of Tumblr. Yeah, it's a meme crucible. But it's also a circle jerk, and it's too focused on hipsterism. I rarely find anything interesting there anymore that isn't actual old school, long form, blogging. I've enjoyed it, but I think I'm just about all done with Tumblr. I'm going to try to put up one post on this site per week, and I may even re-point emptyage.com at this blog again.

Close enough. I'm going to count this one as completed. It was an aspirational goal, and while I fell short, I did what I set out to, more or less. But as for being "all done with Tumblr"? Hogwash. 2009 was the year of Tumblr for me, and very many other people. I'd been using it since 2006, I believe, and after falling out of love with it in '08, I radically trimmed who I followed, and found it one of the most stimulating sites on the Internet. Interestingly, however, I've come to think of it as a group blog or bulletin board, rather than as "my tumblr." For me the Tumblr experience starts and ends with the Dashboard.

2. One Pitch Per WeekLately I've begun leaning on assignments too much. I used to have a goal to send a pitch out every single day. That was eight years ago, when I was just starting out as a freelancer. It was often the same pitch, rejected in one spot, and sent somewhere else, but I was pitching. Pitching not only helps keep the work rolling in, but it also forces you to stay current and focused on the things you are interested in. I can't send out a pitch a day anymore, but I can and should do at least one a week.

Not really. But I did do pretty well. I managed to send out an average of at least three per month. I also found, in 20009, a much, much, much higher percentages of my pitches were shot down. While in previous years, I'd guess 2/3 or so of my pitches were accepted, this year for the first time in a long, long time, the percentage fell below 50 percent. That sucked.

3. Book ProposalOne of the very many good things to come out of my book deal this year was that I scored an amazing agent at an amazing agency. I need to take advantage of that and get a book proposal into her this year.

Yeah. Nothing happened. Good experience, but I still don't want to talk about it.

Personal:1. AlcoholI drink too much. I'm going to cut back on it this year because I love beer and I love wine and I don't want to have to stop drinking either one.
This is kind of a touchy-feely goal, in that I don't have a concrete
number or achievement to check off a list. But I'll know it when I see
it.

Oof. A big nope. The biggest. Alcohol is my most profound and worrying problem. Right now, I think it's fair to say I have an alcohol habit that's fast approaching problem or even addiction status. I'm very rarely drunk, but I drink almost every day. Worse, I drink to unwind and self-medicate. It worries me. It worries other people. It worries my wife. I have to get my drinking under control in 2010 or I have to quit. And I damn sure don't want to quit. I love beer and wine and sake. I love the flavors and the smell and the colors and the process and the rituals and so many other things that have nothing to do with the alcohol or intoxicating effects. But it's the alcohol I have to worry about it. And I'm worried.

2. HarperAnother touchy-feely one. I have the
best relationship of anyone I know. There's a simple reason for that,
both Harper and I put the other person's interests ahead of our own.
She's the most important thing in my life, and I'm the most important
thing in hers. I want to make sure I don't take her for granted, and be a better husband and friend in 2009 than I was in 2008.

You'd have to ask Harper, but I think I pulled this one off. I hope. Which just makes me want to do even better in 2010. Relationships are like fitness; you always have to work to maintain them, and no matter how well you are doing, you can always do better. In that spirit, I'm not checking this one off.

3. Go CrazyLife should be an adventure. You
only get one shot at it, so you have to make the most of it. To me,
there's nothing better in life than having a wide variety of
experiences. It was why I did acid in high school and why I swim from
Alcatraz as an adult. I just want to live, live, live.
Harper has much the same life philosophy. We had hoped to go to
Tanzania in 2009, to climb Kilimanjaro. Yet barring another book deal,
that's likely going to be too expensive for us to save up for it in
time for this year. But somewhere out there is a stunning adventure
with our names on it. I don't know if that's in South America, or
Africa, or on the John Muir Trail. But wherever it is, I need to find
it.

I'd say hiking the John Muir Trail (on three or four weeks notice, no less) fit this bill. It was one of the greatest things I've ever done, and I'm not sure that I'll ever top it. It was remarkably challenging, both physically and mentally. It was beautiful, spiritual, and stimulating to my mind and body. I can only hope to find something equally as rewarding in 2010, although I doubt I will. That was truly one of those only-once-every-few-years experiences.

June 12, 2009

An article on the "Twitter burglary" (which, for the record, is a silly story that is likely little more than coincidence) lifts a passage from my WIRED feature "I Am Here" and attributes it as a quote to the victim of the burglary. I initially came across it in the free UK daily Metro, and assumed that was the source, but a little digging has turned up the same story in the UK Telegraph and the INDenver Times (which seems to have simply reprinted the story from the Telegraph).

Here's the passage as it appears in the Metro published on June 10, 2009:

When they finally returned home, they found their Arizona home had been broken into and looted.

Mr Hyman said: "My wife thinks it could be a random thing, but I just have my suspicions.

"Did I really want to tell the world that I was out of town?

"Because the card in my camera automatically added location data to my
photos, anyone who cared to look at my Flickr page could see my
computers, my spendy bicycle, and my large flatscreen TV all pinpointed
on an online photo map.

"Hell, with a few clicks you could get driving directions right to my
place - and with a few more you could get black gloves and a lock-pick
delivered to your home."

This is the passage in the Telegraph, also published June 10, 2009

Israel Hyman posted that he and his wife were "preparing to head out of town,"
that they had "another 10 hours of driving ahead" and later, that they "made
it to Kansas City."

But when Hyman, who has approximately 2,000 followers on Twitter, came home,
he found that someone had broken into his house.

Thousands of dollars worth of video equipment, which he used for his video
business, IzzyVideo.com, had been stolen.

"My wife thinks it could be a random thing, but I just have my suspicions," he
said. "They didn't take any of our normal consumer electronics.

"Did I really want to tell the world that I was out of town? Because the card
in my camera automatically added location data to my photos, anyone who
cared to look at my Flickr page could see my computers, my spendy bicycle,
and my large flatscreen TV all pinpointed on an online photo map.

"Hell, with a few clicks you could get driving directions right to my
place--and with a few more you could get black gloves and a lock pick
delivered to your home."

And here's the passage as it originally appeared in my story published January 19, 2009:

The trouble started right away. While my wife and I were sipping
stouts at our neighborhood pub in San Francisco (37.770401 °N,
122.445154 °W), I casually mentioned my plan. Her eyes narrowed.
"You're not going to announce to everyone that you're leaving town
without me, are you? A lot of weirdos follow you online."

Sorry, weirdos—I love you, but she has a point. Because of my work, many people—most of them strangers—track my various Flickr, Twitter, Tumblr, and blog
feeds. And it's true; I was going to be gone for a week on business.
Did I really want to tell the world that I was out of town? It wasn't
just leaving my wife home alone that concerned me. Because the card in
my camera automatically added location data to my photos, anyone who
cared to look at my Flickr page could see my computers, my spendy
bicycle, and my large flatscreen TV all pinpointed on an online photo
map. Hell, with a few clicks you could get driving directions right to
my place—and with a few more you could get black gloves and a lock pick
delivered to your home.

Note one sentence is (intentionally?) omitted in the story as it appears in the Metro and Telegraph, but that they are otherwise identical. I'm not quite ready to call it plagiarism, but whatever the explanation, it's not cool.

May 31, 2009

After a year in San Francisco, in 1999 I picked up a shovel and went to work for a start-up webzine (remember webzines?) hoping to find gold. I had just finished up an internship at Mother Jones, and scored an editing gig at this as yet unnamed dot-com (remember dot-coms?) that was aiming to be a sort of a Mondo 2000 meets Nerve meets Punk Planet meets something stupid. But edgier. It was a lot of fun, but ultimately kind of a disaster.

My boss was an O.G. cyberpunk hero named R.U. Sirius. Super nice guy. He gave me some ketamine. We didn't have any ads, but it was funded by a porn magnate. There was a second, smaller, workspace with a separate entrance that was semi-attached to our office. A guy named Steve worked there, and he spent hours every day (well, nights, typically) tagging porn movies in this windowless little 8x10-foot hole.

These were my business cards, which I came across while cleaning up yesterday. I remember there was a big stink over the titles on the card--senior editors were made señor editors. This was especially an issue for the lone female senior editor. But whatever; it was that kind of place. I think my favorite thing about these is the address bar. If you look closely, you can see it points to file://Macintosh%20HD/Desktop%20Folder/strawberry/straw.html. (Oh, %20. You are so spaced out.) The Netscape logo is also a professional touch.

May 19, 2008

In a 15-page package, [Wired] magazine gives some mild advice to people who want to enhance their cognition: “Think Positive,” it advises, and “Distract Yourself.” Then there is a somewhat disarming chart: “Do the Right Drugs,” it recommends, laying out the pros and cons of eight drugs — some legal, some not — that it says can “boost your cognitive output.”

Six are prescription medications, like Adderall, a potentially addictive drug that is often prescribed to children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. But the list also includes nicotine, which, according to Wired, aids in “memory formation and attention.” And methamphetamine, which the magazine says can “increase concentration and creative output.”

I wrote the story in question. And including meth in the list of drugs? Totally my idea.

I don't quite get what the Times' position is, other than "Wired is suggesting you do meth!" Well, no. That wasn't the point at all. Let's look at some of the side effects I listed: "Parkinson's-like symptoms, addiction, stroke, psychosis, prison, death." Oh, hey, and in the "what it does" column, I also note "Prolonged use can also make you stupid and crazy." Does that sound like an endorsement to you?

I'll tell you one thing about Wired that I really appreciate: we don't assume our readers are idiots. I've written for a lot of publications., and you'd be amazed at how many think you're fucking stupid. Apparently, the New York Times shares that sentiment.

Look, here's the thing: meth can help you focus and accomplish menial and creative tasks--just as is true of other amphetamines. It boosts dopamine output. Plain and simple. Does that mean it's worth doing? No.

Amphetamine has a long and storied history as a tool that has helped people, well, amp up their brainpower. Jack Kerouac is one famous case. His drug of choice for cranking out page after masterful page was Benzedrine. Benzedrine's active ingredient is dl-amphetamine, which is, of course, a close cousin to meth.

Now, that doesn't mean you should use it. Certainly long term use makes you dumb and crazy. I've watched friends ruin their lives on meth. It's a horrible drug that's less likely to turn you into the next Kerouac than it is this guy.

Why, this may shock you, but here's the thing: Cocaine is exceptionally fun. LSD? It genuinely alters your perception. I'm not suggesting that you do either of these. Both conspired, unsuccessfully, to kill me and I would no more try either today than I would attempt to put a rattlesnake in my anus. I am older and wiser and recognize that the benefits are not worth the risks. Despite my swinging-dick persona on Twitter, I'm more this guy than that guy. Drugs, especially highly addictive ones like speed or cocaine or heroin or ones with powerful psychological components like LSD, tend to not be worth the price you pay for their use.

But the viewpoint that illegal drugs are purely bad and have no positive contributions whatsoever to offer is simply nonsense, and we should put it to rest. We'll never solve society's problems if we can't at least speak honestly about them.

The bottom line is if you use meth, you're very likely to ruin your life. Which I noted. In fact, one reason I wanted to include meth was to help make the point that every drug has its cons.

But that does not mean the cons are the entire story. And as long as we're shaming, maybe the New York Times should be ashamed of itself for assuming we are a nation of six year olds who can't be spoken to honestly or trusted to make rational decisions.

For the last word on this, I'll leave you with the inimitable Bill Hicks:

September 14, 2007

Did I write any of the entries for Wired magazine's special Geekipedia issue (it will arrive with your October issue) you ask? Why, yes. Yes I did. And if you have a little time to kill today, I invite you to peruse at your pleasure: