There's definitely a theme to the news today that I'm not entirely comfortable with. First, Democrats are trying to insist that Global Climate Change is going to make us all into prostitutes, then Congress finally locates the bipartisanship necessary to pass a bill and it's a regulation demanding the Federal employees refrain from watching adult content on the Internet at work (though, frankly, perhaps they need to watch more, since they're still far to productive for my tastes).

I don't delve much into the Global Climate Change debate, mostly because it seems like there's no real way to be part of the conversation on either side without looking like a complete lunatic, and I already do more than enough of that. While I believe that stewardship of the environment is a very important thing, I'm not sure how the government, which can barely deliver the mail correctly on a good day, and frequently spends thirty times more on an item from a hardware store than it would cost on the black market in North Korea, is qualified to address the tragedies associated with a burning atmosphere and a rising ocean level.

This week marked the fifth anniversary of Obamacare, and while some of us celebrated by spending hours on the phone with an insurance company rectifying a double charge because they can't keep track of their billing, and Ted Cruz celebrated by availing himself of the system in order to get an inside look at the exchange that's making everyone's lives a terrible place, the head of Planned Parenthood, Cecile Richards, celebrated by reminding America that they now give a ton of money to her organization involuntarily.

This is true now more than ever, as thanks to an "equality" provision in the Affordable Care Act, men and women now pay the same rates for insurance, despite the fact that women, on the whole, cost more to insure, most notably because many of them have working uteruses that produce living children. In return, yes, women can now celebrate the opportunity to pay to care for prostates they don't have and Viagra prescriptions they probably won't need, but let's not get too far from the point in question: ACA was very, very good to Planned Parenthood.

Florida’s lighter-than-air former governor, former attorney general, former education commissioner, former state senator and current trial-lawyer pitch-man Charlie Crist has endorsed Democrat Congressman Patrick Murphy of Jupiter (not the planet but the South Florida town) for the U.S. Senate seat that Crist himself has run for twice and lost. It’s the seat Marco Rubio will almost certainly not run for re-election to in 2016 in favor of running for president.

Crist is one of the few politicians in the history of the republic who can claim to have lost statewide races as a Republican, as an independent, and as a Democrat. When Crist sought the Senate seat he is endorsing Murphy for, he lost to Marco Rubio by 20 points in 2010. This past fall Crist lost the Florida governor’s race to Rick Scott, the most uncomfortable and awkward politician ever to bestride a podium, and one of the least popular elected officials in Florida’s history.

Crist’s endorsement is clearly a blow to the nascent Murphy campaign. But it’s early days, so Murphy has time to recover.

Bowe Bergdahl will be charged with desertion and misbehavior before the enemy.

His father, Robert, was a jihadi twitter groupie. He lobbied for the release of Guantanamo prisoners—“God will repay for the death of every Afghan child, ameen,” he tweeted. Standing in the Rose Garden with President Obama, he sent his son a message in Arabic: “In the name of God, the merciful, the compassionate.” He worried that his son had forgotten to speak his native tongue, which he had spoken for 23 years, during the five years he was held “prisoner” by the Taliban.

His fellow soldiers claimed he was a deserter. Yet, to get him back, we sacrificed the lives of six American soldiers and released five Taliban generals so that they could return to the business of killing Americans.

Congress isn't technically exempt from DC's parking laws, and we know they're definitely not exempt from operating as far from reality as possible.

Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton is DC's representation in Congress. She's not allowed to vote, and before today, she might have been best known for angrily demanding that the public take the White House at its word, noting that sometimes, the rest of the world doesn't deserve the luxury of understanding the Executive Branch. After today, she will forever be known as the worst parker in Congressional history. This afternoon, when she showed up to hear Afghan President Ashraf Ghani address a joint session, she tried to jam what appears to be a silver Ford Focus in between two cars parked on an angle.

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