I write about my husband, who also is my Master and about our relationship, in which I am his slavegirl. We practise DD and have learned that it helps us a lot. Apart from that, you'll find my opinions on everything, like sex, sessions, music, people, more on relationships, sorrows, hopes and whatever else I want to write about.
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Saturday, November 15, 2014

I've got a cunning plan

Last
year's September I started my blog as some kind of diary where I would
write about domestic discipline, bdsm, our lives, the good and the bad.
This was the original idea and I had absolutely no idea that I'd ever write more about pregnancy than about dd. Besides, writing about dd was good and I did not want to wait until Mathilda
turns 18, so, here I am. No spanking yet, but nevertheless, I am writing dd-related, at last.

Anticipation before Christmas

Somehow this Christmas is my magic date for returning to some of the original topics. Hubby and I would like to start some kind of spanking again
around Christmas, and we'll just see if this works out.

There might be
one or two things speaking against it, but nevertheless, I'd love to try
it, to get some (oh heck, a lot!!) kind of our 'old normal' back (sort of).

Well, and I don't have
to ask hubby about starting spanking again, I have eyes to see how he measures my bum and
now, that I can already take light slaps, I get some of those, the
lovely and soft ones.

Then again it is quite obvious for us that I am not ready for more than that yet, neither physically nor mentally. This must sound so strange, but the physical aspect is a challenge for me. I am feeling quite well, but I simply could not take any spanking now. Not even one of the soft, lovely ones. I am afraid that I'd just go to pieces. I am fine, don't get me wrong, but not yet able to cope with much more than the good vibes. Confusing. I could get what I crave, but if I did, it might be too much to cope with for the moment.

Since we are doing fine (feels like another kind of honeymoon period, but with rings under the eyes), our worries are only about Mathilda, when she's maybe crying more than usual ... or keeping me awake longer than I'd imagined. :D Nevertheless, at the moment, I am a little afraid of more demanding situations that will come sooner or later.

So, what's my plan? Sleep more, recollect my senses, be more able to cope with the new again. .... And ask for more ... spankings! (in the longer run)

Why that? I have learned a lot about us this year, most of it was only possible because we had to give dd a sort of major break. Sure, I had alternative discipline, like cornertime, no tv, short computer time or early bedtime, and it served its purpose. But it was incomplete, compared to what we had before. DD without spanking, the physical experience of it, is so different.

I don't say it is better or worse, but I felt this lack of being held responsible in a physical way, to the extreme. Hubby too, because there have been a few situations when he would have loved to put me over his knees.

The 'other me'

From my side of things I can only say that I have tried hard, very hard (I mean it!) to be good for hubby. This was because I did not want to fail him or use my pregnancy as an excuse for being stupid and irresponsible. On the contrary, I wanted the opposite. Well, there have been times where I simply could not think, remember or act responsibly. Did I mention forgetfulness? But hubby knew this was not because I am trouble, so he was really patient and comforting.

This must have been hard for him, too, but I am happy that I had him at my side in these moments. During the last months I was so grateful for his leniency that I don't have the words to express it. He sometimes simply knew that it was the 'other me' who did not know what she did. Hmmm, tricky, sounds a bit too much like a split personality, doesn't it? :) For the record, I felt great while pregnant, apart from sleep issues.

Stress stresses me

Anyways, back to my learning process. One of the things I learned is that stress stresses me more than I knew. :) What I mean is, this happens when hubby is under a lot of stress. Maybe it was different in the past, but his business has been soaring over the last two years and with that, his level of stress has increased considerably. I thought it was only a lack of time that I'd feel, but no, the pressure he carried around with him spread to me on a regular base, and we did not know that it did. So, as a result I was pretty flustered on some occasions and had no idea why. And I had no outlet from that, so it frustrated me for long.

Wait, this is still dd-related! And it is still about asking for more!

We had an outlet, but it took us these last ten months to see it for what it is. We always knew that maintenance spankings make me calm, relaxed, let me find balance and we would wonderfully reconnect with it. Wonderful. But we did not have this awareness that I am actually a stress-copy of hubby when he is overly busy. It really has not been clear to us. Before pregnancy, this was no serious problem, because I got spanked often enough and the stress that I had accumulated, simply disappeared. We could not do this while I was pregnant. So, this accumulated. Imagine a volcano that erupts once the pressure is high enough. Imagine an unreasonable, ranting and raving preggo now and you get the picture.

I couldn't write about this before, because I had no idea about this pattern. Hubby and I discovered that together a few weeks ago, because some of how I behaved then, the way I am out of balance, until I get a spanking, have happened before.

Hubby has a very high stress tolerance. He can cope pretty well and all it does in him is that he is more energetic and alert. He is not even hectic or anything like it when I'd already be panicky. This can be frustrating. When it happens I always feel like a complete dork! But somehow, in the undercurrents you feel that he is also strained, maybe it is also because he has less time, then, too.

My cunning plan :) ... thanks to Baldric from Blackadder

I am not too good at stress management, obviously. I need harmony and peace. We knew that before, but just how much of it, is a little surprising for me.

Hubby is good at stress management and enjoys a challenging job. (He likes a challenge in general, that's why he has me! :) )

Then again, he also wants peace and harmony at home. No, let me rephrase that ... he needs it!

But sometimes he might bring stress home and it spreads to me. If you compare the way we deal with it, I should say it multiplies in me. And we know that spanking has done us a lot of good. That's where my cunning plan kicks in. Once I am able to, I'll receive the spankings that I need. In addition, hubby and I have discussed that I have to relearn asking for spankings when I am not my balanced self. The problem with that is that I am usually the last who notices, but I'll try.

She asked for it and they lived happily ever after :)

It is Saturday afternoon here and I hope that you all will have a lovely and fantastic weekend!

Hi DF, oh, I hope the same, it's long ago that I watched Blackadder and I do remember this line of Baldric's ... and that he never (?) succeeded. I hope so much that we can do better. Maybe I should have chosen another title, but I liked the sound of it. :)

Hi Cat, thank you, and you are absolutely right. Well, I cannot really wait, but I also know that getting back into the physical parts of dd is something we cannot rush into. .... I'd like to, but it is out of the question. Hubby told me that he would not like to start to early and neither do I want to ruin it by doing so. In a way, hubby has given me the decision, well at least some big part of it and we will discuss things first.

Hi Nina, I hope your cunning plan works well :) It sounds as though being unable to spank during your pregnancy has been good in that you have learned some things about each other as a result.

I totally understand you being unsure about coping with spanking. I have struggled more since they have become far less frequent. My suggestion would be to take things slowly and let the dynamic naturally evolve back to where it was before.

Hi Roz, thank you, I also hope it works out, and all in all the first spanking in almost a year is something that makes me pretty excited, just from thinking about it, but I know that I should not get carried away. Hubby has said so too, because if I create too high expectations about something like this, it can probably only fail. And you are completely right, this is a year when we have learned so much about ourselves. We had some breaks where there was no spanking, but these breaks were never that long, usually only a few weeks. When these breaks occurred I was always glad to start again, so that I could have a spanking as a release and it helped absolutely.

But this time it is the complete opposite, the time without spanking was much longer and the reason for the break is the most wonderful one we could ever imagine, and my reasons why I cannot wait to get back to spankings are loaded with positive emotions through and through.

I fully get what you say about the struggle, because spankings have been less frequent. Well, I hope (am sure) as a starter we have the good girl version and then go on, and I think that it will not be easy, as I will be tender inside and out. So, I'll really try to take things slowly and if I cannot, I have hubby who will do so.

I hope you are all set & ready to return to your more traditional DD by Christmas NiNa & I hope you are able to ease into asking for spankings again when you need them. We did spank during my last pregnancy but they were much lighter than our "regular" spankings & he only used his hand or in a couple of cases a light implement. But this was something we decided based on discussions with our doctor (not specifically about spanking but about bedroom stuff that carried over), after the birth I wasn't spanked for 3 weeks & then Clark decided it was time to start back up. I was nervous at first & got myself so worked up but he was very patient & reassuring & it was a VERY light spanking that first time. It sounds like your Hubby is doing the same for you giving you time & being patient & that is really great!Take care!Love,Scarlet ; )

Hi Scarlet, after such a long time without spankings, it is almost like starting from scratch again. And since spankings are positive for me, I can't wait for them to start. But I also see that hubby and I need patience and since I am a little excited about spankings, I also put my trust in hubby to do it right. I am sure the first one will be very light here too, and then we'll see how it really works out. We had thought about spanking during pregnancy but decided against it, just to make sure. If anything had gone wrong, we would always have wondered if spanking was connected to it and we didn't want to have that. ... But finally, the time is near again :)

Hi George, thank you, we try, and we want to get back to spankings. I just hope that I am actually able to take a light spanking, but in around five weeks, I hope I am - without a hitch!. Merry Christmas, Frohe Weihnachten.