The Bachelorette – Hello final Week

Sasha is going to take this home. It’s a total no brainer. He is the best out of an underwhelming bunch (sorry boys), and Missy has total heart palpitations every time she glances at him.

Well, our first season of The Bachelorette is drawing to a close, with the awkward and highly staged home visits behind us. Yep, dapper Alex with the surprise visit of punishing sis, has bitten the dust – and although I never was a massive fan of his smooth verbose ways, I did love his deep burgundy coloured dinner jacket as he left the mansion. Why not exit in style? Poor bugger…he did seem a tad upset. But, hello, no chemistry!

Anyway, I digress. This is my first Bachie blog of what has been quite the smorgasbord of Bachiness.

First, The Bachelor – I mean NOTHING will top last year’s proposal set against the magnificent back drop of Cape Town, and the media maelstrom the next day with news that Bachie Blake had dumped Sam moments after said proposal, possibly impregnated part time escort Jess AND set up shop with domestic goddess Louise – it was TOO good! This years’ Bach – the at first goofy looking Sam Wood who kind of evolved as the show went on into a chiselled arctic fox spunk, was my fave Bach by far, and the season – still, more than entertaining.Especially, when you share the viewing with an unashamed Bachie loving husband whose commentary through each episode revealed he knew waay too much about make-up than any carpenter really needs to: “Her foundation is awful – too light”, “She needs a statement lip”, and when he saw Lana sans smokey eye: “Oh-no…where is her smokey eye?” You can’t pull the cosmetic wool over this guys eyes – he can spot a make-up faux pas from a mile away. And high-five Sam or choosing the HOT single-mum, Perth-based Snezana in the backyard of somewhere not far away amidst 100,000 dollars worth of flowers. (Really, could we not have gone to even Noosa instead spending a hungy on flowers?)

So, back to The Bachelorette: Look, like most Bachie fans, I was very keen to see the shoe on the other foot – 1 formerly heart-broken, publicly jilted and re-styled Bachelorette from last season “ready to put her heart on the line” and 14 of “Australia’s finest and most eligible bachelors” all “looking for their soul-mate” – sounds like some good Bachie drama, possibly my total fantasy, right there. However, a house full of maaates who seemed like only slightly different versions of each other, certainly lacked the spice of a bevy of spray-tanned girls, made up within an inch of their life, playing mind games to claw their way to that final rose.I wanted to see more of David The International Model. He was gold! But due to his poor powers of manipulation and his unchecked jealousy of “professional soccer player” Michael’s tatts – he only lasted 2 episodes, leaving us with the likes of our botoxed friend who did not play for the Socceroos or the Sydney Olympics, Richie who has a serious sex-appeal deficit and The Others whose names now escape me. Where were the serious players? Where were the guys who could bring a different culture in the mix? Personally, I would love to see a character from Wog Boys throw it around. It has all just been too…polite, too PC. And the conversations on the single dates – kill me! “I just want to open up to you and let down my barriers; I have had walls up because my parents divorced when I was 3, and I just want to let those walls down so you know I that am here for the right reasons…blah, blah, blah…I want to find my soul-mate and settle down…blaaaah.”

Still, despite being largely bored by the mate-ship and the general lack of pashing, I will be GLUED to the telly on Thursday with the hub who now reserves his criticism just for Osher, to discover if the editors have had a lend. Are they giving us the bum-steer by making us think Sasha has it in the bag when it fact it’s real-estate-agent-not-professional-soccer-player-Michael? Will Richie learn how to pash? Who will say “I have fallen in love with you” the best? Will Osher wear a suit that fits? Will Sam finally don the standout smokey-eye that she really deserves?