Um, Gwar. Really.

I had the opportunity to experience something that I would not have done on my own. And it was awesome. It may sound like I’m complaining about stuff, but I’m really not. When you read on to see what happened, please remember this: I HAD AN AWESOME TIME!!! I would have not have changed one darn thing. So, go ahead, read on…

My neighbor had a little bit of a problem. Well, not really a problem, but here’s the deal. Her brother-in-law (married to her husband’s sister) is in the band GWAR. Now, her husband had seen the band plenty of times. But her? She just never got around to seeing a show. She had been backstage, taken the kids to see their aunt and uncle. But their show is not exactly kid friendly. Not even close. So, she would then take the kids home to the safety of our little suburban-ville. Have you heard of GWAR? I mean, they’re really not kid friendly. Wanna see?

And that’s just a video.

Anywhoo, my friend decided that it was finally time to see a show. And she decided to make a party out of it. She got three other couples (including us), and one stray husband (whose wife just, well, wasn’t interested). We were all in. Did I remember GWAR? Well, not really. There was a vague, cloudy memory of them being on Beavis and Butthead.

We were all excited to have a grown up night out. We were headed to Mr. Smalls in Millvale, which just so happens to be a converted church. The church that my mother had her baptism, communion, confirmation and wedding. Really. Now, I had been forewarned. I watched one video on youtube (that you can see above) and was told that they like to squirt fake blood and other gooey stuff on the crowd. Um, okay. I knew that we had VIP seats up in the balcony (I’m guessing that was where the organ once stood…now it has a bar) and we had a bar tab. Bonus. As we pile out of the cars and walk to Mr. Smalls, we meet Brad, who is in the band. He was very polite and, well, normal. We head up to the entrance and get enough wristbands to last me for quite a while (one for admission, one for VIP and one saying that I was over 21 (eww…almost twice 21…anyway…..). The second opening band was already playing. Typical heavy, death metal. Loud, but fine. They looked normal. Jeans. Tees. Long hair. We made our way up to the VIP area and enjoyed the band. Just before GWAR was about to start, my neighbor told all us ‘ladies’ that if we had to use the restroom, better do it now. The restroom was downstairs, through the crazy, crazy crowd and out a door. We looked at each other and were getting ready to go. Just then, a video started, and the crowd went crazy. We decided…um…we didn’t need to go that badly.

As the music started, the crowd went nuts. There was, of course, a mosh pit. But they were all very respectful of each other. There wasn’t any fighting…it was more like organized pushing. I noticed that everybody close to the stage had plain white t shirts on. Hmmm…I figured maybe they were hoping to get squirted with some goo and have a souvenir. Well, “squirted with some goo” was an understatement.

They came out with these huge water cannon thingies. Filled with fake blood and such. IT WAS EVERYWHERE!!! (I was slightly clued in when, before the band took the stage, every surface but the floor was covered with plastic). So, so, so glad I was up in the balcony. We were enjoying the show…there were a lot of theatrics. I compared it to X-rated performance art.

Eventually, however, our bladders were calling. I asked the bartender if there was an employee restroom I could buy my way into. No such luck. They had to use the restroom that was downstairs, too. We HAD to go down onto the floor. I’m all for going with the flow, but I didn’t want to be drenched in fake blood. Really not my style. Tony led the way downstairs (with me and three other girls following) and through the crowd. We made it to the restroom. And we got a slight taste of fresh air. It was SO INCREDIBLY HOT IN THERE! Imagine…650 people, no air conditioning in an old church. And to top it all off, it was getting damn steamy with all the fake bodily fluids and real sweat. After using the restroom (and seeing a poor girl with her eyebrow cut open – old stitches had come out – but she was OK), I HAD to go outside. I just needed some air. Badly. Tony and I went out and it felt HEAVENLY! The other girls went back upstairs, and we followed a few minutes after.

By this time, the concert was just about over. We got our t-shirts (because, well, I wanted a t-shirt), and Tony bought some “nightgowns” for the girls (junior tees, size medium). It was an awesome night out with friends. Brad came up to the VIP area about ten minutes after the show, looking no worse for the wear. I could only imagine how crazy hot it had to be in that costume. Nuts.

I would go see them again. Mostly because it was a great night out, there were no kids around, and not everybody has seen GWAR.

Too bad it wasn’t on the bucket list. Oh well. It was an adventure, and I’m glad it happened. I am nicking at that bucket list, though. You know the one where I’m supposed to replace everything my kids have stained? I’m starting with the (icky) couch…new leather one is coming in a week!