Sunday, February 15, 2009

I like using titles that will hopefully get more clicks than if I were to use a simple title :) Anyway, hi everyone, sorry about the scarcity of my posts. I have returned to school once more, and am spending even more time with my boyfriend due to the fact that I am at his school for a semester! It's quite nice. In regards to my health, I am feeling much better now that I am truly participating in health at every size, meaning that I am eating healthier and exercising, causing me to feel far better than before. I hope to post more often, but it's difficult when you don't have mad study skillz (I don't). Also, sorry about the misplaced banner. I keep meaning to work on my layout edit, but I can't find time to learn the XML needed to make the layout I keep dreaming of. Let's see where I can go in the next few weeks with this :)

Somewhat recently I saw my therapist for a second time. As it was, he hadn't helped me much. I mean, my problems all have to do with the fact that I realize I'm being silly, but don't know how to change my behavior, yet his answers are always the same. "You need to realize that that behavior isn't good." Ya think? I just said that! Anyway, the last time (and I mean it... The last time) I saw him, I was discussing my plans for my health with him. I told him how I was exercising at least a half hour everyday, and how I was eating better portions through my own little quirky ways, such as by using a heart shaped bowl to eat out of whenever it's something I shouldn't be eating a whole lot of anyway. I explained my own theory to him, since I enjoy self analysis, and told him how I felt that my love of the heart bowl stemmed from a perceived and long-lasting view of myself as less than feminine, and that I might be overcompensating in ways in order to feel more feminine than I naturally am. His response was what frustrated me quite a bit, though. He said "well that makes sense... Also, you might find yourself becoming more and more feminine as you lose weight." I had told him numerous times that my goals were always becoming more healthy, not losing weight and, if I do lose weight, that it would be due to a cutback in caloric intake, not for aesthetic reasons. It frustrated me that he would try and assert that being overweight has kept me from being feminine, and for assuming that I truly wanted to be feminine at all. I mean, everyone likes to express traits associated with the other gender here and there, so it made sense to me that I would occasionally feel that I am lacking in certain ways, and compensate for that in little ways here and there. Have you ever had a similar experience with a therapist or someone simple making different assumptions?

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The first time I went to therapy for my depression, my son was 3 years old and I was on public assistance between jobs. The therapist said there was nothing wrong with me that having more money wouldn't cure. It took me another 13 years to get the help I needed to treat my depression because I didn't need to hear that money was the answer to all my problems (more money would not have made me feel better about myself, nor would it have helped me cope with the fact that I had been physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by my mother when I was a kid). And that's what I thought I would hear from therapists.

XXLA, I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better.I completely recommend finding a different therapist.I've seen many, some of whom have had netral attitudes towards weight and size, and some who haven't.The therapist I'm seeing now is great.I've really had a mix.You might find someone who is really good, but has some mixed-up ideas about weight and size. If you find someone you like working with who is open and good at what they do, it's possible to use it as an opportunity for you to work through things -- to confront things they might say that you may disagree with, and to come to a shared understanding of things. So, if someone you really liked working with and felt a good connection with said something like this therapist did, you might be able to say, "you know, I really disagree with what you said." But it's only worth doing if it's someone you want to keep working with, and this person doesn't sound like that.

I've seen about 10 different therapists in my 40 years (maybe more if I count ones I saw only once or twice and could see I wasn't getting anything out of it) -- and the ones that I've truly gotten what I needed out of the situation were open to challenging their own perceptions about weight, size, health, beauty, gender, etc.

Adapting to a diagnosis of a chronic condition is hard, and getting support is a great idea. So even though it's not easy, I recommend that you keep looking for the right person to work with. I know you've been upfront about your reasons for making behavioral changes, and that's the great approach, just tune in to see what the response is when you say that.

So, in answer to your question, yes, I've had similar experiences. I've found the best response to be... "next!"

It's odd, really, given that listening is supposed to be the core ability for a therapist, but I've also encountered a therapist who had a problem in the hearing and understanding department.

I won't go into the details of the rough times that brought me to his doorstep. What I will go over is the fact that he appeared to not take in a word I said. When I tried to object to some of his pat diagnosis, he'd just steamroll over my words and reiterate what he thought was wrong. Instead of validating any of me experiences or helping me learn useful coping mechanisms, he convinced me that I had some serious mental disorders based on a few errors I made in a lengthy true/false psyche evaluation. He believed the school's side, not mine. He described me seeing everyone else in the building as just a source of irritation as "delusional," rather than, I dunno, irritable? Cranky? Tired of all the loud music and shouting in the hallways? When I tried to say "well, there's perceptions of reality and perceptions of reality, people can still think different things like what political party to vote for or the existance or nonexistance of WMDs in Iraq without being delusional," he didn't even address the comment. He put me through some biofeedback therapy, claiming that my sluggish responses and impulive actions were caused by slow, alpha waves and fast gamma brainwaves, so we needed to reduce or get rid of these and increase my beta waves. I brought up the concern that I might at some point NEED these other types of brainwaves, for example, if I needed to be slow and thoughtful, or needed to act quickly. He didn't say a word about it and got on with the treatment. I'm just glad that stuff didn't work.

My mom had to argue with him a lot to explain and justify his diagnosis, and to finally admit that he had never actually treated somebody with the mental illness he claimed I had. It wasn't until we got a competent psychiatrist with extensive experience in treating that particular mental illness in people my age we got a clear-cut verdict that I was NOT crazy and didn't suffer from it.

If you ever look for a supportive therapist in the PA area, I would NOT recommend Gregory Milbourne.

I second that emotion with everyone who suggests you see a new therapist. I don't know why but I find a female therapist is much better for me. Now I know some people may have issues with seeing a female therapist so that's a different situation. I find them so much more in tune with issues of weight and how it affects a woman.

After seeing my fair share of therapists, now I'm currently not in therapy but see a psychiatric nurse for my prescriptions I've had good and bad and there are ways of finding ones that are more knowledgeable to meet your needs. There are ones that are better with eating disorders, or with younger people or whatever your situation is you just call and research until you can find one that will meet your needs. Good luck you sound like a great person and deserve a much better therapist!

When I was a young girl I went to a nutrionist/therapist for my disordered eating problems. She basically wanted to "girl talk" and tell me how cute and sweet she thought my dad was. Needless to say I stopped going to her, I couldn't take the weirdness, and her office always had Gregorian chants playing.

Not much I can say beyond what's already been said. The advice that they've given is pretty sound.I do, however, want to bring up that if you need any help in the web design department, I may be able to lend some assistance. I'm not familiar with exactly how blogspot handles it's design stuff, but if it's CSS, HTML/XHTML, or (with some assistance from W3Schools) XML, I could probably push you in the right direction. XXLA's Boyfriend has my AIM screen name (if you use AIM), or you could just punch in the university's Jabber info into iChat (your NetID and Password, and jabber.[you-know-what-the-school's-web-address-is].edu for the server). I'm on there quite a bit.

Why pay for a service that is no good? Someone else might find this therapist helpful, but he obviously doesn't understand any of your goals or experiences, or have any interest in listening and learning, so DTMFA and "audition" a new one!

I had some issues I wanted to work on a number of years ago. I was feeling sort of like I was treading water and while I could see where I wanted to be, I couldn't quite figure out how to get there.

So I found a therapist and made an appointment.

I arrived on a chill November afternoon while I was recovering from a bout of bronchitis. I went early because I know that when seeing a new doctor or dentist, there's always paperwork to fill out and I figured a therapist would be the same.

Alas, the door was locked, the building empty. No receptionist, no lights, nothing. The only thing I could see clearly inside was the sign informing me that if I missed my appointment or was late, I would be fined. So I sat down in the cold to wait...and wait...and wait.

About forty-five minutes after my appointment was scheduled to begin, the therapist finally drove up. No explanation, no apology, just get in and let's start the session.

He kept telling me that since my mother had died less than a year ago, I needed to not even try to make any decisions, because they would necessarily be bad ones because I hadn't mourned for her yet. Yeah, right. I'd been mourning for months and was starting to come out the other side. That was kind of the point. I knew I was ready to move on and rediscover my life.

He asked about my job and I told him happily about the bookstore I was working in and how much I loved it. He stopped me to give me the amazing news that - wait for it - I LIKED MY JOB! Sadly, it was the single most intelligent thing he said in an hour.

At the end of the session I asked to use his phone briefly to call my father for a ride home, since I didn't have a car or night vision and it was now dark outside. He hesitated and told me he doesn't allow patients to make even brief, local calls...but he would generously let me do it just this once. Wow, the generosity!

Anyway, the next day I called him and told him I wasn't coming back. He informed me, and I'll never forget this, 'my door is always open to you.' I told him a big part of the problem was that it wasn't when I needed it.

Definitely drop this sucker and look for another therapist.

I learned a long time ago that just because someone has a diploma and a license doesn't mean they're very good at what they do. The good news is that there are a lot of competant to excellent therapists out there, too. Sometimes it just takes some digging to find the one that's right for you.

I'd hate to reinforce negative stereotypes about fat men being effeminate (which I strongly oppose), but personally this is what I think--aren't women supposed to be (in general) fatter than men? That's all part of the biological design, isn't it? So, how does losing weight (w/ the assumption, I'm guessing, that they'll be more "toned" or "muscular") make someone feel *more* feminine? The only way I can comprehend your therapist's response is through the filter of today's media which overvalues exceptionally thin, often photo-shopped women's bodies. So, theoretically, having a pic of yourself photo-shopped ought to make you feel more "feminine" too.

Frankly, I think you need a new therapist. PS your catchy title worked! First time visitor! ;)

"So, how does losing weight (w/ the assumption, I'm guessing, that they'll be more "toned" or "muscular") make someone feel *more* feminine?"

Femininity is largely constructed out of visions of female powerlessness and helplessness, which are epitomized physically by small frames and bodies without much mass. Mind you, I say this as someone who is not a fan of femininity, damnable patriarchal construct that it is. That doesn't mean that the blogger can't define femininity for herself to include all body shapes and sizes.

"you might find yourself becoming more and more feminine as you lose weight."

This sickens me by its implication that FAT WOMEN ARE NOT REALLY WOMEN.

I know it's a huge pain in the ass but you might want to find another therapist. This one seems to have a lack of listening skills combined with some preconceived notions that makes it sound like it'll be impossible to get him to even understand you, let alone help you.

Shrinks stink. You fat girls are suffering from FADS Female Androgenic Deficiency Syndrome and estrogen dominance. Most fat girls have that. That is why so many of you are lupe. Your craziness is chemical in nature. That is why you girls have screwed up fat acceptance by bringing feminism into it. It is bad for both movements.

What you girls forget is that there are more fat men than their are fat women. Men have been excluded from the fat acceptance movement. The only men that you girls want around are the skinny fat admirers. Fat men are about as welcome at a NAAFA convention as a turd in a swimming pool.

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