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Saturday, 17 November 2012

Day 113: Food & The Religion of Self - Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that I hate cucumber

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that
my belief that "I hate cucumber" was justified, because of the
repulsion I would experience in my mind, and the repulsion I would
experience in my body that wanted to puke out the cucumber

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to
investigate the nature of likes and dislikes towards food -- but simply
accepted that "I like this and that" and "I hate this and that" I thought it to be 'who I am' and part of what 'makes me unique' as a person

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to
investigate the nature of likes and dislikes towards food -- even when
it is clear that this is a very strange phenomenon, seeing
that each person in my family has got their different 'likes' and
'dislikes', without this being a shared point -- where two people eating
the same food, one can like it and one can dislike it -- but if the
food is the same and the person is different, then the point obviously
lies in the person, and not in 'reality', as this would be conflicting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the
point of food preference for granted, where I believed that if I don't
like cucumber now, I am not ever going to like it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have
believed that the nature of the problem I experienced with cucumber was a
physical point, while all the while it was an emotional point -- where I even at some point when to my doctor
to see if there was something in common in the foods I didn't like that
stimulated the puke response -- upon which my doctor said no but that I
should just avoid those foods if they evoke such a response and laughed
at the notion that maybe it was a "psychological" point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a grudge towards cucumber without having a valid reason for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been convinced of 'my right to judge'
within experiencing disgust towards cucumber whenever I would smell it
and taste -- where others would tell me to 'just eat it' to see if I
would not like it and I didn't, and then used this to 'validate' my
belief/opinion/idea/judgment about cucumber

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to find
out/investigate where the intense experience/emotion of disgust comes
from and thought it to be normal to have such extreme emotional experience towards something as ordinary as cucumber

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and
realise that food likes and dislikes must be created at some point and
thus to trace back this experience -- where instead I waited for years
and years before I asked the question, and after I asked it: I got an
immediate answer