“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. Matthew 5:14-15

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

This is the unedited version of a recent article I wrote for our church newsletter last week.

Transformation can be exhilarating
or instantaneous but most of the time it’s a process: A long slow, painful,
frustrating, agonizing, and sometimes downright selfish process. Why would we
ever want to change?

Friends, I’m in my own head
way too much of the time. As much as I like “doing” I spend a whole lot of
energy thinking about what to do, how to do it, how it was done, and how it
should be done in the future. I’m going to chalk that all up to being the daughter
of a Psychologist. I love you Dad, it’s healthy to place blame right? Ha!

The questions I ask myself
are often meant for the greater good, but in the end one question that I’ve let
nag me for over a year has done more damage to my soul and my leadership than
ever intended. In a culture where setting goals and accomplishing tasks is
highly valued, I’d been wondering how I measure up. I posed the question, “Am I
effective in ministry at Newberg Friends Church?” I’ve answered that with everything
from a definite, “No,” to a sappy whiny, “I dunno…maybe…a little.” Oh good
grief. On occasion I would see the fruits of my labor and thank God for the
reminder that His presence is peace - Until I asked the question again.

After a year of reading
through Scripture, being a part of a Compassion International leadership
training book group and discussion, feedback from my patient husband and
children, participating in Women’s Bible Fellowship study on the Psalms of
Ascent, many discussions with Gregg, prayer after tearful prayer, and devouring
the book Kisses From Katie, a
transformation has taken place. It’s so simple; I’ve stopped asking the
question.

Don’t worry, this doesn’t
mean I don’t care about my “effectiveness” as a leader. It doesn’t mean I’ve
laid down goals and dreams for helping to create healthy ministry for children,
families, and women here at NFC. On the contrary, the transformation, the
change that’s taken place, is my heart’s desire to wake up everyday with a
heart centered on God and not self. It’s not about what I can or can’t do; it’s
about what God wants me to do and my willingness to obey.

This transformation is about
saying, “thank you” instead of “please” and really meaning it! It’s not asking
how can God make others do what I will, but relying on timing and circumstances
that I don’t understand and being comfortable with tension. It’s about grace.
It’s about releasing pride. Ouch.

As a follower of Christ we
submit ourselves to change. We don’t always like it, but we let it happen through
faith. We hope, we pray, and if we wait long enough, we are transformed by the
renewing of our minds. Are their questions that you ask yourself over and over
again? Does self-doubt seem to have a stronger voice in your spirit than that
of our Savior? Are you hoping for circumstances to change instead of your
response to reality? Friends, I hope that in many ways you are not experiencing
those things, but I believe that the truth is we so often listen to the enemy
wrapped up in “holy” clothing. We forget the true meaning of Christ’s words
when he said, ”Love the Lord your God with all your heart and
with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest
commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All
the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Today I’m reading that verse with this mindset:
I’m commanded to love God more that to question my abilities or focus on my
insecurities. If I’m following Christ, I’ll spend my time and my thought life
learning what it means to love and putting that into action. I’ll chose to
release worry about how exactly I performed and focus more on how amazing it is
that God can work through even me. I’ll acknowlege with a humble and grateful
heart the ways God has been able to use my gifts to care for others. If I want
a life poured out as an offering to God, I’ll love others in any way, place, or
time that He asks me too. Then, I’ll let God ask the follow-up questions.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by
the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to
test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2

About Me

I'm grateful to God for my husband, two daughters, and a life that is full of love. I find joy everyday as an advocate for children through Compassion International and as the pastor of children and family ministries at our church. Dancing all out around the house to Mandisa and drinking non-fat decaf lattes make me smile. Of course not at the same time...that would make a mess. Life is messy enough without spilled lattes!