TW: I am having a hard time dealing with life

Hey all,

I am having a hard time dealing with life right now. Even though there are good things like graduating from university and my family and friends, I am at my lowest. I recently got the diagnosis of ADHD and Asperger's, which has been really hard on me. I have been on antidepressants for more than a year now and I'll need to start stimulants soon, which is fine by me. The worst part of it all is having no one I can talk to. My psychologist recently abandoned me. The psych I saw before her did the same thing too, which made it even harder to start treatment all over again and trust someone new. Everyone in my life leaves me or gives up on me. I have stopped trusting and I have stopped seeking professional help now even when things are so bad. I have stopped self-care or doing anything that brings me happiness. On most days, I can barely get out of bed. I am meant to apply for jobs and progress in my career but I can't seem to do that. Abandonment is all I think about these days.

The whole story about my relationship with mental health professionals is as follows. I started seeing a psych in 2017. Things were working well and I was improving until she said that she is leaving me and she couldn't take me with her to her new workplace. This meant that I had to start all over again with someone new from that clinic. It took me a really long time to open up and start trusting her. I was having fortnightly sessions with her and things were improving for me in March and April last year until she said that she is leaving that clinic to work at my university counselling centre. This meant that the waiting time to see her increased, and if I was lucky, I got one appointment in two months. In December, when I graduated, she completely abandoned me. She couldn't see me at my university because I won't be a student anymore, which is fine, but she refused to see me at her private practice either. She was the only person I trusted and could talk to, now I have no one.

My health is only getting worse by the day and I am going backwards. I don't know what I did to deserve so much pain, but I know there's no way out and I have to live with it. I don't know what to do now. Everyone leaves me or gives up on me. The worst part is that the only person I want to talk to about all this has abandoned me. I am too scared to start seeking professional help again because I have been abandoned twice and I won't be able to deal with it a third time. I can't talk to my family and my friends don't care anymore. I don't know what to do. I just want the pain to stop.

Re: TW: I am having a hard time dealing with life

That's a really tough situation to be in I've had relationships with healthcare professionals abruptly end before and it's never fun. I can understand why you'd be reluctant to try again given that this has happened twice now

You say you want the pain to stop - is this pain from being abandoned by your psych, or from something else?

______________________________________________________No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: TW: I am having a hard time dealing with life

It's the pain from that (which is the biggest at the moment) and a lot of other things that I need to deal with. I have a lot going on and nothing can get better when I constantly worry about who will abandon me next.

Re: TW: I am having a hard time dealing with life

Yeah, it can be hard to problem solve when our brains are busy worrying about things!

It's great that you've posted here though where you can start to work through stuff Do you have a GP or a psychiatrist who's managing the medication side of things? Would they be someone you feel comfortable talking with about feeling abandoned?

Re: TW: I am having a hard time dealing with life

Yes, I have a GP who is managing medication. I am also scheduled to see a psychiatrist in the next few days for ADHD medication. I have talked to my GP and nothing has come out of it. She wants me to start with a new psych, but no one gets that after being abandoned twice, its extremely hard to start all over again. I have tried two more people after these two psychologists left me and it hasn't worked out with them.

Re: TW: I am having a hard time dealing with life

Sounds like a tricky situation @skyfireinferno99 :/. You're right: it is really hard to start from scratch after being abandoned twice. I was wondering if you tried any helplines (Lifeline, Kids Helpline, etc.)? Do you think they might be effective in dealing with your tough times?

_________________________________________________________Hope is just around the corner; you think it's not there when you first look straight ahead, but it actually is when you turn around

Re: TW: I am having a hard time dealing with life

I have tried those services too, but it hasn't been much helpful. All they say is that face to face help will be the best for me given how bad things are. I have a lot of things to worry about and I can't really do anything when all I can think about is how everyone leaves me or gives up on me all the time.

Re: TW: I am having a hard time dealing with life

I am really sorry to hear that you have had to bounce between so many different services- I can imagine how hard it must be to start from scratch again Building rapport and trust with someone supporting you is so important, and it sounds like that trust has been broken a few times.

You've mentioned that you have tried a number of helplines before- it is really great to hear that you have been reaching out for help when you need it This is a huge step forward!

What is your support system like outside of professional supports? Do you have friends or family that help you during tough times?

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Re: TW: I am having a hard time dealing with life

I do have family and friends, but I can’t really talk to them. Opening up about my mental illnesses did more harm than good with them and I lost friends because of that. Professional support from my psych was all I had, but now I don’t have that either.

Re: TW: I am having a hard time dealing with life

I'm sorry to hear that your friends and family weren't accepting of your mental illnesses @skyfireinferno99. The stigma behind mental illness is really bad and can have really bad effects, especially on those affected . I was wondering if you know of any other supports you can turn to?

_________________________________________________________Hope is just around the corner; you think it's not there when you first look straight ahead, but it actually is when you turn around