Rubble Without a Cause

It may be hard for non-hoarders to grasp the intention behind their family member’s hoarding. Before going into some do’s and don’ts that we at Clutter&Hoarding Pros™ advise to potential clients, a word about the importance hoarders attach to their possessions—possessions that others may regard as junk, trash, or garbage.

In a recent Washington Post article (“Hoarding is a serious disorder—and it’s only getting worse in the U.S.,” Sara Solovitch, April 2016), the author cites one recovering hoarder’s name for his collection: “Rubble without a cause.” He says it actually “pains me to throw useful items away.” The difference with hoarders is that “useful” to them usually means something very different from what it means to non-hoarders.

Yes, empty plastic food containers, cardboard boxes, clothing, and books can be seen as “useful,” but perhaps not hundreds of food containers, dozens of cardboard boxes filled with random “stuff,” damaged or outdated clothing that will never be worn, and books that will never be read. Many hoarders simply see these objects, and other things that might really be categorized as trash (such as rotting food and animal carcasses, junk mail, old newspapers, and even human and animal waste), as equally valuable.

From our experience helping reclaim the houses and clear the estates of hundreds of hoarders, here are some do’s and don’ts that can be used by everyone involved in helping a hoarder.

Hoarding Do's

DO realize that the hoarder sees things differently than you do. Try to imagine yourself through their eyes and see how you would want someone to talk to you about your home and possessions.

DO acknowledge any signs you see that the hoarder has tried to make some sense of the hoard. Congratulate the hoarder on any attempt to put possessions into some kind of category (newspapers piled together, books kept in the same area, similar items grouped together, pathways kept clear to move from room to room). Many hoarders have no ability to categorize, so positively remark on any actions they’ve taken to do this. (Keep this sincere and low key, as insincere or patronizing remarks will not escape their notice.) It’s also nice to remark anything positive about their situation—truly nice possessions they may have, areas that they have been trying to keep clear, even compliment them on their pets if they seem well taken care of.

DO mention health and safety concerns common to hoarded homes—access to entrances and exits, ability of emergency responders to get through the pathways with heavy equipment and get up and down stairs—in case of emergencies such as fires, water damage, or accidents.

DO acknowledge any truly valuable or beautiful items you may see, any areas that have been kept clear, and any other positive things they may be doing to keep some kind of order.

Hoarding Don'ts

DON’T immediately rush to start discarding things. This is terribly difficult for hoarders and may cause them to put up resistance before you’ve had a chance to gain their trust.

DON’T start handling their possessions. Hoarders can be very sensitive to others touching their “stuff.”

DON’T call their possessions “trash,” “junk,” or “garbage.” That’s only going to put them on the defensive and can actually stop the project before it begins. Never belittle them or laugh at their situation for the same reason. And for heaven’s sake don’t start arguing or yelling—that will have the opposite affect than you want.

DON’T rush! The hoarder will need time and patience to actually make progress. The intention is to guide the hoarder into accepting help. This can cause real trauma to the hoarder. The goal is to have the hoarder work with you.

Remember that hoarding is now recognized by the psychiatric community as a very real mental illness. Putting your spin on the situation is not going to help. Truly helping a hoarder requires family and friends to step out of their comfort zones and treat their hoarding relatives as people with problems to be helped, not as objects of scorn or ridicule.

When you’ve gotten to the point of calling for help with the clear-out of the hoarded estate, call Clutter&Hoarding Pros™ to come in and do the heavy lifting. While we don’t work with individual hoarders, we have cleared hoarded estates for hundreds of families faced with clearing and cleaning the estates of deceased or relocated relatives.