7.29.2009

Names: Joe Carter, Mark McGwireTeams: Toronto Blue Jays, Oakland A'sPositions: First base (McGwire); Outfield, team mom (Carter)Value of card: One sippy cupKey 1992 stat: 1,302 boogers wiped off (Carter only)I do and do and do for you kids: Joe Carter is a World Series hero and a five-time All-Star, but in 1992, his biological clock was ticking. Much to the chagrin of his teammates and to the hilarity of the sports media, Carter began mothering the rest of the Blue Jays. Starting in spring training, the Jays would walk into their clubhouse and find packed lunches in their lockers. Carter would pace the room, wiping off dirt from David Wells' face with a saliva-moistened Kleenex, yelling at Jack Morris to pick up after himself and encouraging wildman Tom Henke to find himself a nice girl and settle down already. He grounded Roberto Alomar for missing curfew the night before a big series against the Yankees. He even acted as clubhouse matron during the All-Star Game. In this photo, Carter is seen wiping a stray booger off All-Star teammate Mark McGwire's nose while handing him a cup of homemade lemonade. Annoyed by the man's unconditional love, the Blue Jays could come up with one solution: They pooled together enough money to buy a black-market Salvadorian orphan named Enrique and left him on Carter's doorstep one August night. And while they were happy to no longer have the man they had come to call "Joe Mama" on their case all the time, the locker room seemed a little emptier without Carter's peanut butter cookies.

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Baseball Card Bust has been brought to you by two guys whose athletic endeavors remain an embarrassment to their fathers. Their attempts at humor are fabricated stories; they are in no way meant to trample on the athletes' success on and off the field. This site is a testament to the value of sports cards, which stretches beyond price-guide listings and the enjoyment of collecting cards as kids.