Hi, you are reading the preamble on the talk page of ChiefjusticeDS. Feel free to leave him comments, views, opinions, cake, and more. Be polite, civil and generally a lovely person and we will get along just fine.

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Also if you leave a message and it needs a response it will most likely end up here, although it could wind up on your talk page, it all depends on the alignment of the stars.

This week, MAJOR NEWS happened, and as usual, ourcorrespondents were on it quicker than KirstieAlley on a meat sandwich, or a meat pie, or anything made of meat, really. We are happy to report that longtime useless slacker and IRC lurker RAHBchecked out a book from a local library! (Please suppress your exclamations of shock and dismay, folks; the neighbors are still complaining about the Coast Guard-assisted virgin sacrifice). When we inquired about RAHB's first foray into intellectual enrichment since his early childhood, he summarized it as follows:

I checked out a book about Bob Newhart, and also Mark Twain's The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, and Other Stories

As you can see, RAHB is a consummate intellectual, and a man among beasts.

Stay tuned for next week, folks, when Zombiebaron Hears a Who! Same Bat-Channel, same Bat-Time!

A quick note from the editors

The last two editions of the UnSignpost, which were the first editions published since the last editor came down with a case of exploding lung-weasels and threw himself off a cliff, contained 150% more fucking swear-words and 6000% more hyperventillating about things which are going to kill us all (such as Wikia, you knew it was going to be Wikia, because fuck Wikia). However, most of the 700 complaints we've received in the last two weeks (all of which were from Hotadmin4u69, and 699 of which included candid shots of his genitals[1]) concerned the lack of the UnSignpost dog, who we cheerfully claimed had been murdered and turned into soup. (If you hadn't noticed, go back and check. We'll wait.) This, of course, was an outrageous and unforgivable ploy on our parts to get your attention, and we apologize for it profusely; we promise never again to threaten or even joke about violence against dogs, especially since the SPCA's hired thugs know where we live. So here you are, folks: this week's edition of this glorious rag will go back to the usual tradition of featuring a charming dog who is in no peril at all:

14:15, December 1, 2012 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Man, I miss you something terrible, rather like a third arm that was finally amputated... <3)

16:32, December 2, 2012 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (acting like the archetype of a perfect admin, and on a completely unrelated note making certain other less active admins look bad)

Well, we promised it to you, and now here it is: a biopic of Leverage! Yes, new user Leverage is a right smart fellow, with joy in his heart and fudge in his nappy. Nothing much is known of Leverage except that he might be from Spain "som'eres", unless he's not. You're either an American, or a terrorist[citation needed], and as Leverage is not American, he's doing his terrorist mother proud by hating Americans with a fervor usually reserved for the entitled children of American middle-class parents. He's even won awards for it! And lest you think last week's profilee, Snippy, is by far the best of Uncyclopedia's new crop of users, ...you'd probably be right, but Leverage gives him a run for his money by actually writing UnNews articles by literally the dozens. Seriously, you can check his user page; they're all there. (Like we're impressed.) We'd nominate him for a Foolizter Prize, but according to beloved Uncyclopedia admin Frosty, "nobody votes on that (homosexual) (feces) anymore," and, sadly, the stats bear him out. Thank you, Leverage, for you tireless perseverance in the face of apathy, and fuck you, Uncyclopedia!

Stay tuned for next week's biopic on Sinner George, if he even still edits here!

"The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America, or CEPTIA, was a 1970s grass-roots political organization which was one of the main forces behind the elimination of pay toilets in many American cities and states.

When a man's or woman's natural body functions are restricted because he or she doesn't have a piece of change, there is no true freedom. —Ira Gessel

"Founded in 1970 by then-nineteen year old Ira Gessel[1], the Committee's purpose was to "eliminate pay toilets in the U.S. through legislation and public pressure." Starting a national crusade to cast away coin-operated commodes, Gessel told newsmen, "You can have a fifty-dollar bill, but if you don't have a dime, that metal box is between you and relief." Membership in the organization cost only $0.25, and members received the Committee's newsletter, the Free Toilet Paper...[more]

Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost!

Ed. note: in a spasm of Darwinian fish-eat-fish madness, self-described "cock-juggling thunder-cunt" Thekillerfroggy has been riding a white horse with Death following after, especially targeting SPIKE, who, on his own time, has been gnawing the heads off of newbies and IPs alike. Here to comment on the lulz-filled proceedings is our own field-correspondent (yes we have a field correspondent, stop looking at us like that), Kip the Dip:

I was asked to write a guest editorial, so let's get this over with. In the spirit of the Christmas and/or Holiday Season, I would like to offer an olive branch of peace. We could all use a little more peace around here. Well, not here, per se, because drama is always welcome amusement for me. More so than in places like the Middle East—the Middle East needs to calm the fuck down and Uncyclopedia needs to be more like the Middle East is what I'm trying to say.

Still, drama isn't always amusing. For example, I won't be on the front page next month (I mean, if(point for humility) I win an award) because someone is having a pissy-fit over some bollocks and removed the awards from the front page. In this particular case, we need to pee on the fire, rather than fan the flames. The conflict I'm referring to is between two celebrated users, Thekillerfroggy and SPIKE. The root of this tension stems from the fact that TKF thinks SPIKE is the worst person ever and should leave this site, or at least stop sucking his own dick. Basically, SPIKE is to TKF what Toby is to Michael on The Office. Particularly if there were a British equivalent to Toby. God, that's a good show. Or was. It really blows now.

Let me just say that you both have your faults. TKF: You need to stop being a dick, even when it is more hilarious than when it isn't. You appear to be in a drunken rage. I realize it's Hanukkah, but you should really tone it down on the whine.

And SPIKE: Well, I just think you're a textbook case of someone who needs to masturbate more. I suggest you start December 25th, when you're having a less-than-sufficient amount of fun reading my holiday-themed articles.

Despite these differences, you both have one thing in common: You're Uncyclopedians. And the essence of being an Uncyclopedian is appreciating the art of Comedy. When the world is at its darkest, we rely on the light of humor, parody and satire. Some have said that Uncyclopedia is at its darkest point right now, that our brightest days are far behind. Yet if the annual winter solstice teaches us anything, it's that the brightest days always follow the darkest nights.

Or some sugary moral message like that. I mostly just wanted to drop a few horrible puns and get away with insulting you both all over the site. Merry Christmas!

Do you have a lame sense of humor that is best expressed in 140 characters or less? Do you enjoy ruining the mojo of entire websites? Do you have a tiny penis, or none at all? Then have we got news for you! Those of you who wish to do a better job of misrepresenting Uncyclopedia on all the popular social platforms, including YouBoob, Twatter, Facebutt, StubbleUpon, Porntrest, Cumblr, Spreddit, and all the others, are hereby invited to hit up Hotadmin4u69's talk page, and to do it forthwith, post-haste. Why? Because Hotadmin4u69 runs Uncyclopedia's social networking presenceses...es, all by his lonesome—or at least he did...until now. But he's NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOAH! No, seriously, he's going to quit the wiki entirely (as if he hasn't already) if people don't lend him a hand. He loves you all, but you all suck, and it's a thankless task—almost as thankless as writing and delivering this drivel every week.

03:37, December 10, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (I just swallowed a little bit of my own vomit reading you put down a noob then proceed to suck your own dick for five whole lines of what I presume to be english words)

23:27, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (lol obvi i was joking although i agree it will be funnier next time when i deop you before the ban)

Biopic of the Week

Last week we promised you hookers, rum and flavored spermicide, so here you are. Ha ha ha, just kidding! No, this week's biopic is about Sinner George, whose exceedingly clever user handle is a reference to Saint George, patron saint to all Greeks everywhere, which tells us that he is Greek. As does his user page, and the little flag next to his signature. Unfortunately, we know absolutely nothing else about Sinner George; however, as this has never stopped us from writing a biopic before, we asked our Field Correspondent Kip the Dip to discover some fascinating things about this fascinating newbie. Here's a transcript of our conversation:

<Editor> Kip: know anything about sinner george?

<Kip> No.

<Editor> Make one or two things up. I have a biopic to write!

<Kip> He likes Greek food because he's Greek.

<Editor> Excellent.

<Kip> Also, he's probably hairy.

<Editor> Yes, yes, also excellent.

So there you have it! Sinner George is (a) new to the 'pedia, (b) Greek, and (c) therefore probably not someone who reads the UnSignpost. Your loss, George!

This week, it was publicly confirmed for the first time that the on-again-off-again Apocalypse has been postponed indefinitely, due to an accumulation of frozen water in and about the subterranean headquarters of Heck, Incorporated. Yes, it appears that Uncyclopedia's dwindling community of degenerates and failed comedy writers (which is literally the same thing, but never mind), having suffered far too long under the Wikian lash of nipple-and-dick censorship, have finally gotten their shit together[citation needed], and are making a move to new hosting. News of the move came in Uncyclopedia's Village Dump, as part of a nonchalant post by Lyrithya, who returned to the site from her current job as a human spiderweb to stun, confound, and enrage exactly twopeople with her announcement.

When asked why she chose now to de-bag her cat, instead of waiting for a more opportune moment (such as, y'know, after the fucking move actually happened), Lyrithya had this to say: "I was drunk." Salient words, indeed, which show she is an Uncyclopedian through-and-through, and which afford the rest of us an overwhelming sense of confidence in the Uncyclodepia Moving Company. Yes.

High-jinks on the farm.

However, while We Here At The UnSignpost™ lounge about and poke fun, you may rest assured that the technicians at Up With Uncyclodepia have not been taking it easy. It's been eleven months of back-breaking work out on the wiki farm, getting up at the crack of noon to shovel out the cow coop, milk the chickens, and slap the sheep for indulging in indelicate thoughts. According to an anonymous source at the highest level of Uncyclopedia's labyrinthine network of cabals, the move quite definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, will be happening at some distant point in the very near future, probably maybe, just as soon as all the ducks are lined up in convenient rows so that they can be loaded onto trains and sent to special camps. When we asked what the bloody devil this meant, we were told to shut up and move along, and that there is no cabal, which we admit must be true, as we have heard it so many times.

So, to recap: Uncyclopedia is leaving Wikia for greener pastures, and as most things undertaken by Uncyclopedians happen, it will be slap-dash, semi-competent, and will probably result in everyone involved hating each other to the death, hopefully with the assistance of swords, horses, and heavy artillery.

As of press time, the list of Uncyclopedians furious at having been left out of all the fun could not be reached for comment, but are assumed to be boiling with righteous indignation. To make sense of the week's stunning development, we were able to get hold of an expert on all things frozen and hellish: Sumerian demon-king and devil-about-town, Pazuzu. "I was just doing what I usually do," said he, "by which I mean I was hanging out in some northeastern American town, whispering into the ear of a nondescript loner that guns are fun and kids love fun, and hey wouldn't it be cool if you combined the two?, when I heard that Uncyclopedia was leaving Wikia! I said shit, motherfucker! and ran over there as quick as I could to shut that shit down, but it was too late. And now my home Down Under is encased in ice. Man, some days you're the dog, and some days you're the fire hydrant, know what I mean?" We really didn't, but as we have always enjoyed not being frogs, and would prefer to maintain that state, we nodded furiously and thanked our interviewee for his time.

How often has someone started a forum 'We're Doomed' or 'Where Domed' , and other variations of the announcement 'this website has moved away from my idea of what is funny' ? So what we can do here, but celebrate a clutch of new fully fledged contributors who arrived on our shores, all fresh and well-scrubbed! In recent months, we had Leverage produce articles faster than bindweed, and now he has joined by the likes of MagicBus (an admirer of The Who or a kaftan nostalgic?), news hound Bill Melater, and the ferocious Fakehater, who will rip your arms off if he detects you're a phony. Then there is Murder_Frog, who swears blind he is unrelated to another amphibian. (Evidently the lily pond is big enough for two croakers.) Another newbie who is currently taking a keen interest in Singapore is CDPCCNAC. What the name means, I have no idea, but perhaps he is wise to leave so few clues about his true identity. Then there is our own Mr Tambourine Man, Equilateralperil. Moving closer to the ground, looking for literary earthworms in his search for Sonic the Hedgehog-related stories, is Igotnothing, whilst from the Land of Connery is Dannyboy1209. A noob with ambition, Danny has already asked to become an admin and has nominated himself for everything. With an attitude like that, this one is going places—here, there or everywhere. Who will become the Noobs of Noobs and win something to stick on their bedroom door? The jury is out, and so am I, tonight. Go ahead, check these fledglings out here.

This week, due to intense laziness on the part of our administrators, no one received a funny ban-summary. We have our best men on the case, and are ferreting out the source of this oversight. In the meantime, you should be ashamed of yourself, Frosty.

Biopic of the Week

For what we're quite certain is the first time in the long, inglorious history of the UnSignpost Biopic, our correspondents have actually interviewed an Uncyclopedian about themselves. It was a difficult job that was as hard on us as it was on Bill Melater, but the scratches and bite-marks are probably just superficial, and we were going to get a new pair of pinking shears anyway. To the facts: Bill enjoys making up fake names that are ribald puns, and he claims to be a Cuban-American cat owner living with his beautiful Russian bride, Ripya Kokov, in the wonderful[citation needed] country of Finland, which he terms "the home of comedic flop-sweat". The UnSignpost has never been to a comedy club in Finland, but rest assured that if we visit one in the future, we will bring towels and an industrial-sized drum of Clorox. Bill also claims he's 47 years old, which we believe makes him the third-oldest active Uncyclopedian, behind SPIKE, who was born during Woodrow Wilson's second term, and Romartus, who we understand still owes Hadrian five denarii for a mule that he borrowed and never returned[1]

Anyway, We Here At The UnSignpost™ feel that Bill is selling himself short. Bald, fat[2], married[3], and living in one of the coldest, darkest countries on Earth?! Ladies of Finland, I sense an opportunity! If you're looking for hot, sweaty lust with a middle-aged Yankee Lothario who isn't getting any[4][5][6][7], and is therefore filled to the brim with sexual angst... don't look at Bill Melater, because his wife just found his talk page, where he described himself as "pussy-whipped."

Ouch.

You thought Finland was cold in the winter? You ain't met Ripya Kokov.

↑There's a subtle pun in here, as a denarius was originally valued at ten asses. How subtle? You decide.

Normally I don't trust you but I need your honest opinion here

What do you think of this article? Is there anything you think I should change? (I'm asking you since you're the only Admin here who's awake and on Uncyclopedia right now.) MAT​THL​OCK 19:05, December 28, 2012 (UTC)

The article isn't bad, I'd suggest that you try to cut out some of the more unnecessary parts as the article seems to linger around some points. The aspect of buying the dictionary need not take up two sections. There's opportunities for jokes, but consider condensing what you have down into a slightly smaller section. Make sure you also keep it as a general guide, it's fine to say "If you have family who speak Farsi why not swear at them repeatedly and see if they pick up bits of furniture and try to insert it in you", but don't be any more specific than that. Also consider trying to take the article somewhere more unexpected than buy a dictionary, learn Farsi, start swearing. Have a look at some of the other How To's and see if any of the endings there give you some ideas of a better way to finish. Hope that helps. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 22:08, December 28, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks, I thought my idea about crazy old Uncle Mahmout went a little too far. Thanks for confirming my belief that I was driving that joke into the ground. (I think that maybe the stuff about the reader's family could be better off it it were put into a footnote.) MAT​THL​OCK 19:42, December 29, 2012 (UTC)

I don't know how I'm going to misdirect the article and lead it to an ironic ending (I'm irony-impaired, I know you know that since you read my failed article on how to be Matthlock, but I just can't think of anything that would make the reader think "I did not see that coming"). I don't want to stereotype, but since you're British, you could actually probably think of a really good shock ending. Give me an idea and I'll put it into consideration. MAT​THL​OCK 20:08, December 29, 2012 (UTC)

The Night I Chased Slender

I am having trouble organizing the beginning. I want the piece that goes:

It wasn't my average trip through a forest amongst that amount level of creepy. I don't even remember when I traveled there. I thought at first it was maybe Jigsaw, but no. It was it. It had to be it. It was tall, and its face... NO! It didn't have a fucking face! It had nothing! Not a nose, not a pair of eyes, ears, or a mouth. Whiter than my ass, and my ass is pretty white. It had to be Slenderman. It was abnormal. It had a suit, a black suit. It looked like a man, but it-- there, no. There was no way that thing was human, it is impossible. He was slender and scary, but it didn't get the best of me. I didn't let him-- no! I didn't let it get the best of me. This was my story, my tale, my legend... this was not the night Slender chased me, no. This is the night I chased Slender. I will tell further, if you have the guts. If you're unafraid.

I want it to be like the "post-story" added to the beginning. Like a prelude letter or something. Also, could you go through and proofread it when I am done? Better yet, do you want to collab with this? You do seem to know a lot about Slenderman like I do.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York(Chat)(Stalk?) 20:52, December 28, 2012 (UTC)

I'm more than happy to assist you with the article, the bit above may need to be re-hashed a little for the reasons I have gone into. I'll experiment with the article a bit when I have some time if you want. It all depends on where you want it to go. I'll have a look at the intro and see what I can do with it, if you've got any particular suggestions by all means say so, and if you don't like what I decide to try then say that too. Give me a little while and I'll try and make those changes. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 22:03, December 28, 2012 (UTC)

Possible, I was growing quite attached to the idea of doing more as written from the point of view of someone who is completely obsessed with the Slender Man. This being his account of his singular encounter with the Slender Man. The main issue being that the diary idea from Cloverfield relies on people being able to see what is happening, where we have to explain it we lose the urgency in the narrative. The diary idea can work, it just needs changed a bit. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 22:29, December 28, 2012 (UTC)

Writer of the Year got off to a splendid start when Aleister in Chains nominated Funnybony and SPIKE for the award by writing brief but poignant marriage proposals to both of them. Thank goodness for Aleister, if not for him the wider world might have assumed we weren't all massive girls. Since then Thekillerfroggy nominated Xamralco, who was not able to express his appreciation due to a serious case of not editing the wiki any longer.

As always what should be a rigorous heterosexual competition involving manly pursuits like backstabbing, lies, blackmail and threats is being irretrievably compromised by people like Aleister and Shabidoo; people whose sole purpose on the awards pages is to make everybody else feel bad about not noticing other people. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Romartus, Uncyclopedia's voting-in-chief. Shockingly, he was also nominated by Aleister who, as it turns out, is gayer than Christmas, apparently Romartus makes him "Proud to be an uncyclopedian", he makes "Legendary votes on VFH" and gives "Legendary hand relief".

Potatochopper of the Year is a more subdued and manly affair, where absolutely nobody has been nominated at all... it's like reviewer of the month were moved to a different page name. Hopefully Aleister or Shabidoo will nominate someone soon, we here at the UnSignpost have gone to the trouble of writing the nomination for them: "<insert name here> has made many fantastic images, at least two of which I have made love to on at least nineteen occasions. My genitals ache for them every single evening and someday they will make my dreams come true and love me! Also Olipro sucks balls."

Once again you all stand before us, another year of failure behind you and another year of subjugation ahead of you. The non-existent Cabal would like to wish you all a happy New Year. All workers users are reminded that failure to celebrate the new year with adequate happiness and joy is punishable by enforced time labouring in the non-existent Lime Quarries followed by the immediate cessation of chocolate rations for the remainder of this work quarter.

Once again you have failed us, utterly and completely. Last year we advised you all that resistance was utterly unnecessary and, if anything, we have had to tolerate 0.22% more resistance, we have heard you discuss and then decide to leave our kind benefactors, whilst promoting several of your own number to within the cabal in an effort to encourage dissent and democracy within our ranks. We saw you continue to tinker with that which does not concern you whilst simultaneously complaining when people are warned about the indecent images you propagate amongst your number. It seems prudent to remind you that if we delete every single template, every single image and every single forum your freedom will only increase. It is not what some of you have foolishly referred to as "overly deletionist", it is streamlining and it is good for all of you.

It is with vague optimism that we note that you continue to strive at a barely satisfactory level, you have certainly earned a small fraction of the baubles and trinkets that have been handed out over the past year. It has not escaped our notice that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2012 only closed on time this year due to Thekillerfroggy skipping sixty of the reflections, we are gratified to note that Roman Dog Bird had practically no input on the list and very few of them regard uncontrolled outbreaks of creativity and morale, such dangerous forces must be carefully rationed and controlled.

Cutting of corners and a blatant disregard for regulations do not amuse the Cabal.

Now we must inexorably turn our attentions to 2013 and the promise it brings. All users should note that due to several security compromises over the last few months movement throughout the Uncyclopedia complex has been restricted during the hours of darkness. Where major editing is to take place you must ensure that you have faxed the appropriate forms to your divisional liaison officer prior to commencing work, failure to do so will result in an unacceptable breakdown in bureaucracy.

Uncyclopedia must prevail, editors must remember that without patient mind numbing work and servitude we can never accomplish our ultimate goal of... well, that need not concern you.

03:48, May 2, 2012 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Hahaha you're not an admin so I can do this and get away with it! Hahaha! (hahahhaha))

16:11, December 19, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Necessary research into the reasons for no funny bans having happened last week. Do not be alarmed, we are trained professionals, and also very aroused.)

01:29, December 26, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 33 seconds ‎ (Telling me how to be an administrator)

Biopic of the Week
When we carried our knuckle-dusters and brick-filled socks to the talk page of new user Equilateralperil this past week to interview him, we were amused and perplexed to see him employ the classic defensive stance of a painfully shy, abused opossum. Rolling into the fetal position on the ground with his buttocks in the air, he began to reveal embarrassing personal details in a shrill voice, shouting "Have a field day, you scamps! Yes, mock me harder!", apparently hoping that we would walk away in disgust. However, to assume that reverse psychology would work on Uncyclopedians is to give them credit for having something that they don't, namely, a psychology. Some of the details which he will now regret ever having shared:

Equilateral (that's what we call him for short, when we don't call him Bitch) is a 17-year-old schoolboy living in Victoria in Australia, is at the "top of his class" in multiple subjects, and is on his school's debate team.

As he is on his school's rock band, jazz band, and "show" band, we are forced to assume that his school, like the one from Glee, is filled to the brim with people wearing matching plaid shirts, bow ties, white vests, and straw skimmers, who are all horrifyingly perky and prone to breaking into song (or dance) for no apparent reason—especially when the occasion does not require it.

He claims to have had one girlfriend, who was Japanese and broke his heart. He refused to supply nude pictures of her, so we are forced to conclude that she is imaginary.

For Christmas, he claims he received a "charcoal Italian moleskin jacket", which he is apparently wearing at this moment, over his Casper-the-Ghost™ footie pajamas.

So there you have it! From our experience, Equilateralperil is most likely his school's Designated Punching Nerd, and spends most of his spare time pulling his poodle-haired head from toilets, when he isn't writing excellent articles for Uncyclopedia. While he's on holiday in Perth or Canberra or someplace, do give them a read.

Forum

I liked your comments on the forum. It may be you and I running down the halls here, and with me being fake gay and all, watch your trousers. I don't know what will happen to the site, mainly because this will be the search engine uncyclopedia for a long long time unless that is a number one priority for the people in control of the policies and plans of the new site. It won't be uncyclopedia until when I put "uncy" into the search engine that site comes up. I hope everyone there also keeps a foot in this site, and moves new articles onto each. A new world, maybe it's the Aztecs mucking around with us. Aleister 12:22 3-1-'13

Hopefully it won't just be me and you, though that would streamline the decision making process. I'd like to see what happens on Saturday rather than moving into an "us and them" mentality. Also, as you will be remaining we are going to draw up one policy, wherein a sturdy pair of trousers are worn at all times whilst editing the wiki, I'm not going to be fake gayed to death in my sleep. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 12:27, January 3, 2013 (UTC)

I have already come out as a 'stayer'. So that makes at least three people remaining here. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate)® 19:16, January 3, 2013 (UTC)

On a serious point Chief, we appear to be the only two active admins who are not looking to move elsewhere. I don't want to go via the emails here to talk about this but you can contact me at romartus@hotmail.com. Thanks. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate)® 08:12, January 4, 2013 (UTC)

I'm here, too. Thank goodness you guys are as well. What about Unnews? Is GlobalT going to continue with his good job?--Funnybony09:35, Jan 4

I don't know is the simple answer, I don't think we will know until Saturday. There is likely to be some disruption either way, nice to know you'll be sticking around. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 09:49, January 4, 2013 (UTC)

Hiya Chief! I sent an email to Romartus - with a few other questions. You are most welcome to email me any time. BTW: Can/will Spike be an admin? How about Aleister? What is Jimbo Wales going to do about this site? Will he maintain it? Who is ultimately in charge? I personally don't care about a warning message and a few ads - companies don't exist only on air, and Uncyclopedia is already free. Have to see ads even when we go to a movie - and we pay to get in! Jeez! What's the big deal? Best to you, mate!--Funnybony10:15, Jan 4

Yeah SPIKE has been hyper-active lately, if he's going to be an admin I'll give a For.. Even though he stalks me quite a lot... Cat the Colourful(Feed me!)Zzz10:19, 4January, 2013(UTC)

Hi Cat, do we get to vote for admins? I always vote for Spike (even though he never votes for me - grin!). I hope he's an Admin. Cheers--Funnybony11:14, Jan 4

As I've already mentioned, I'm not wanting to start making decrees or establishing interim governments until we know what is happening, I'm anxious that we don't fall into an "us and them" mentality, anyone who goes to the new site is welcome back here anytime, no questions asked and no comments made. In terms of new admins, there may be a need depending on who goes to the new site, when we look at a VFS next month we can see what everybody thinks. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 10:27, January 4, 2013 (UTC)

I declared I'm staying last night. That the Chief is staying is heartening and is part of what I meant by "mature Administrators," Romartus being the other part. Dividing the effort is regrettable, but many of the serious comedy writers seem to be staying and all the vandals with spray cans seem to be leaving as a clique. Cat, I am not stalking you and in fact Unwatched you yesterday. Funnybony, my status is: perhaps with a greater technical aptitude than you guys, but totally untrained at the nuts and bolts of MediaWiki; still with a creaky, metered, rural Internet service that induces me to run with Javascript and photos disabled most of the time; willing to Patrol and be nice (when warranted) to new users, but generally still more interested in writing than administrating. Funnybony, I never vote for anyone (though I recently voted against Dannyboy) and I was happier not caring about VFH. My DOS dial-up mail at spike.mv.com went out of business since Chief and maybe Funnybony last mailed me, but the link from here works and Romartus has my e-mail address. SpıkeѦ11:29 4-Jan-13

Thanks Spike. Once upon a time you were the Unnews editor. I was bummed when you got moronically banned by the very drama queens, then quit. Global is doing a good job, but I don't know the plan. If it's a legal fact that Wikia purchased and owns "Uncyclopedia" - then this is kinda wrong. I have no objection to ads and a warning note. Unless Wikia charges membership fees or gets enough donations there is no other option. Sorry about using your talk page, Chief. Cheers!--Funnybony13:37, Jan 4

A request

I would like to request you review the block of SPIKE made by TKF. I consider entirely unwarranted (as should be clear from that I reverted it twice - arguably not a good move either, but egh) and have taken this up with him previously, but there is little more I can do at this point. Given the politics of the moment (are you leaving? Is TKF? Is SPIKE? How much did that play into this?) and the fact that TKF deopped me, however, I can appreciate that this may not be a situation you would like to step into, but you're one of very few admins left that I know of whom I would consider sensible. -— Lyrithya༆ 03:22, January 5, 2013 (UTC)

I'll make this as brief yet thorough as possible, to avoid prolonging this:

My ban was completely warranted. Spike has been speaking without a filter lately in a whole variety of ways, from calling articles "crap-cakes" to calling Aleister "deluded," and has resumed the arrogant sort of behavior that got him in trouble the last time he was banned. These offenses, cheerfully overlooked because, as Sannse says, this is a tense and strange time for everyone, but the boulder that broke the camel's back is this. Hammering a noob like that is inexcusable from anybody in any situation, let alone someone who repeatedly brags to being one of the only sensible people left on the site (hooray more arrogance), even more let alone someone who is nominated for UotY. The ban, as I see it, is well-justified and unavoidable. Zombiebaron agreed on IRC.

Lyrithya undid the ban rashly and without context. She says herself how out-of-the-loop she feels, and she speaks the truth. The fact that she undid my ban means nothing. Romartus undid my ban because he thought I based it on the conversation on Socky's talkpage, where Spike call's Kip's article a "crapcake." I specified my reason with the second ban and, so far, Romartus has said nothing.

I deopped Lyrithya in order to shorten this argument, knowing tensions were so high, and prevent further rash conflicts. This is not the first time I've deopped her briefly as a cooldown (a hella controversial practice, I know, but it's proven to be pretty effective). I was about to restore her before I noticed Zombiebaron had done it first(again, my talk page).

I'm not wishing to pour oil on troubled waters here by going into the specifics of whether what happened last night are right or wrong, I will give you my thoughts on SPIKE's block. SPIKE, it seems to me, has come in for a great deal of stick from a number of people on this wiki and while telling newer users that by moving to the new site they will be "sucking up to autocrats" is not particularly friendly, it is not exactly unprovoked, if not by the user in question. A ban it seems to me is appropriate in the context of what has been done, SPIKE needs some time to cool off and calm himself down a bit, a brief ban justifies that means.

I do not excuse arrogant and rude behaviour from anybody but I feel it is rash to overlook the situation as it is, the community is going two separate ways and tensions are quite high because of that. SPIKE should serve a brief ban for violations of rule 2 and biting the noobs, but I feel a month is a very long time for an established user who has proven multiple times that he only has the best interests of the wiki at heart, we should also consider the backdrop to SPIKE's current behaviour and accept that others in this community are not wholly guiltless in causing it.

Lyrithya: I would like to think that the block is not in the context of the site move, at least not in the sense that it would cause any issues for those remaining here, as far as de-opping you goes that is down to TKF's judgement, that is a right the community gave to him. As administrators we have to accept some of the opinions and actions of our fellows in good faith; wheel warring is never where we want to be. I would say that approaching TKF and trying to come to some kind of compromise is better than a wheel war over the block.

I propose that SPIKE's block is reduced to 48 hours starting from last night in the interests of ending this argument and considering more important things, for instance, the question of sniffing attractive people whilst standing behind them in queues to "see if they smell nice too". I'm personally all in favour but nobody else seems to want to talk about it. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 07:28, January 5, 2013 (UTC)

Vandalism

Hello, Chief. I've been Patrolling edits and there are a few remnants of the big vandalism wave in RecentChanges (click Hide Patrolled) from the 11th and the 12th. I defer to you on these, as the goal is not to reverse specific changes but to restore the pages, some of which were vandalized in multiple ways. Cheers. SpıkeѦ15:55 13-Jan-13

Undelete request

Which page are you wanting back exactly? The one you linked me to hasn't been deleted. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 07:41, January 14, 2013 (UTC)

Bronies

Good sir,

I would like to ask you for assistance. At the time you deleted the Bronies page, I had already attempted to complete the page to no avail. I had also asked Romartus to help me improve the formatting - but no matter how I tried to edit the page to make it more acceptable, the WIP tag would not go away.

Although I'm asking a lot, I would kindly ask you to restore the page with all the necessary changes done. The reason I ask this is not to be ungrateful but because I'm lousy at formatting. If you could also tell me what exactly needs to be done in order to make it an acceptable article, I would be much obliged.

Finally, if you cannot restore the page, I would very much like a copy.

PS I had to edit another headline on your talk-page - it is now named "Vandalism", since under the previous name, the page would not allow me to save these changes.

I have restored the page into mainspace. I have made a couple of changes to it but do not wish to go about making bigger changes to the formatting without some direction from you. The main problem as I see it is the massive image of the map which would be OK in a smaller size but the big, unrestricted size just looks untidy. You are also doing a lot of unnecessary spacing which isn't helping you out either. I've altered the first line of the article to a simple disambiguation and moved some bits closer together as well as changing the Polish wikipedia template to our bog standard wikipedia template. I'm happy to make some more changes to the article if you'd like, just let me know what you want doing with the map image and if there's anything that should categorically not be removed from the article. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 09:09, January 14, 2013 (UTC)

User Ralfiano

You blocked Ralfiano for two days for cyberbullying, evidently on UnPoetia:Ronald Mcdonald‎‎. But "Jimmy Saville" [sic] is a perv in the news. Before I saw your ban, I reverted him at Folk, where he stated that a list was "widely regarded as some of the shittest musicians in the world." Recommend you block him instead for being a dope. SpıkeѦ11:47 15-Jan-13

He had created a page which I had already deleted called "Declan", this was about how "Declan" has a ficticious medical condition that prevents him excelling in various school subjects, hence the ban for cyberbullying. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 13:12, January 15, 2013 (UTC)

Oh, I see. (Which means: I don't see, the page being deleted.) Very good. SpıkeѦ13:33 15-Jan-13

Edit conflict...

You were correct in tagging Ice cream tub and elastic bands with {{ICU}} but (as I wrote on QVFD) I would have given him more of a chance before deleting it. After his first blanking, I wrote to his talk page suggesting that he keep trying. His second blanking may be the result of shock at seeing a sign of official disapproval; he might not even know that other people are looking at his writing. If you would return this to userspace, I'll contact him again and see if we can salvage him. SpıkeѦ15:55 18-Jan-13

Page blank by sole editor is QVFD material. Recreation of deleted content is pushing ban-worthiness, but I chalk this one to noobishness. Maybe a polite nudge on how to create content in name space might be worth a pop? • Puppy's talk page • 04:11 18 Jan

My verdict on him is noobishness, and he should not be punished for his second try as it was probably a result of my nudge. I have a polite nudge written, depending on what the Chief has to say. AC94 is too noobish to have replied to my earlier contact. SpıkeѦ16:18 18-Jan-13

I've dropped a copy back into userspace, I appreciate we are trying to help them, but we must balance that with quality assurance and it is imperative he/she realises that the ICU isn't to tell people that the work is bad, but to let us check up on it in a week so we can get rid if it is abandoned whilst incomplete. Perhaps try and prod them towards making some more active contributions elsewhere in the community to get to know us all, that might help them understand the tags and the procedure. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 17:50, January 18, 2013 (UTC)

I could be wrong, but this is possibly a recreation of deleted material. It's QVFD worthy, but I'm hesitant to add it to QVFD as it's a subpage - and as part of a greater whole it may be worth keeping. Gut feeling is to firstly delete, and secondly to axe any links to it, but I'm handing it to you to check out previously deleted versions first. • Puppy's talk page • 04:08 18 Jan

There are no deleted revisions which match up with this one. There is a very similar one from March 2011, but it was more extensive than this one. The only mainspace link is through the McDonalds article which isn't particularly compelling itself. If this page is to exist it needs to serve a purpose and for that it would need to be longer and be amusing in its own right. I'd delete as it is now, but I'll let you make the call, chuck it on QVFD if you think it should go. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 17:42, January 18, 2013 (UTC)

Wikiabot

This thing is being annoying. I can't patrol the changes as the page is locked to Admin+ access. As this bot is not an account per se, it also can't be marked as auto-patrolled. Can I get you to mark off this as a patrolled edit? • Puppy's talk page • 03:26 19 Jan

VFS noms

Chief, what the hell.

I'm still in the race for VFS-- I actually had three votes at your time of "moving". What is the deal? →A(Fallen Reich)13:48 23 January 2013

Aimsplode, the reasons I struck your nomination are as follows: You were once banned indefinitely on this wiki for bullying, rudeness and inappropriate behaviour. Your reappearance here coincided with your being banned indefinitely from the forked wiki. You have not contributed to mainspace since November, all your edits are to forums, VFH, your userspace and occasionally to QVFD articles from your userspace. All the votes you had polled were from yourself, two people who have moved over to the other wiki , where cries to have your indefinite ban revoked are noticeably absent, someone who hasn't edited in 7 months and Kip the Dip. You have a disregard for other people's contributions and revert administrators when you believe they have acted "unfairly". If you want to be an admin you need to demonstrate commitment to this wiki, a change in your behaviour and a nomination from a user consistently editing here. That is why I made my decision to remove the nomination. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 14:29, January 23, 2013 (UTC)

Just because you believe I am all of these things does not make it true. If the populace wants to make me an admin, then they should. And they are voting. Just because you, one person, does not like the selection, does not make it official. That's why we vote in the first place. →A(Fallen Reich)14:56 23 January 2013

Chief, I think your decision and rationale should appear in the record at UN:VFS. SpıkeѦ14:58 23-Jan-13

Aimsplode, that is my decision. It is final. I do not simply believe all those things, I have seen your contributions and attitude in person. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 15:15, January 23, 2013 (UTC)

Hey Cheif, I think I'll put this here to keep all the VFS stuff on your talkpage in one place. While I completely disagree with your circumvention of the democratic process re:Aimsplode's nomination, I have something else that I am here to ask about. Can you please tell me why sannse changed your userrights? That is typically the job of active community crats. I was on IRC all that night and nobody tried to contact me so I could update your userrights. I would very much like to remain a part of this community and I am hurt that I seem to be being excluded for no reason. -- BrigadierGeneralSirZombiebaron 19:39, January 23, 2013 (UTC)

I did not intend to exclude you from the process. I was working a night shift on the 21st and Sannse had emailed me at about 21:00 my time about a separate issue and I replied and asked if she could do it. Had I been sat at home I would have gone on IRC to speak to you, as it was I simply asked Sannse because she was there, not intending to exclude anyone from anything.

As regards Aimsplode's nomination, I say again, if you are so keen on him you can op him on the fork, had I closed the VFS vote to persons who are primarily editing the forked uncyc Aimsplode would have not have been nominated and if he had would have so far polled 1 vote, from himself. I am not interested in this wiki becoming the butt of a joke,I have seen discussions on IRC along the lines of "It'll be hilarious if Aimsplode is made an admin on the old Uncyc". I have gone out of my way to include persons who have moved to the new wiki and been as tolerant as I can be, but where the votes are "For. Now I'm pissing off back to the other wiki" or "Lol this is so funny" I will not sit and watch it happen.

I do not wish to tar everyone with the same brush, many users who have gone to the fork have voted sensibly and properly, however when all the votes for Aimsplode are from people primarily using a wiki he is banned indefinitely from I begin to question whether I am witnessing a democratic process or a deliberate abuse of that process by people wishing to have a "joke" candidate opped here. Aimsplode may someday be an admin here, but that will be after he demonstrates that he wants to improve the wiki, not just have some extra buttons. Were there any question in my mind that the users remaining on this wiki "sincerely want him as administrator" I would re-instate the nomination, but the fact is that those voices are not forthcoming. If anyone who has made consistent edits to this wiki since the split wishes to dispute my decision then I will reverse it. As it stands the people who "sincerely" want him to be an administrator are the same people who are hoping that this version of Uncyclopedia is "buried" by the new wiki. This is not an acceptable state of affairs.

And you are thereby invalidating real votes from administrators and users because you do not like the reasons why someone was voted for. --Hotadmin4u69[TALK]22:52 Jan 23 2013

Ok I understand why you talked to sannse instead of me. I don't like the precedent that it sets, but whatever. I do not, however, understand why you removed Aimsplodes nomination. There seems to be a major erosion of trust as a result of the move, and nearly everyone on the Wikia site appears to be assuming bad faith from those they perceive to have abandoned them. If it seems like maybe a few of us are joking around, take a step back and see that we are on a comedy website. -- BrigadierGeneralSirZombiebaron 22:55, January 23, 2013 (UTC)

I would define attempting to corrupt the result of a vote by deliberately voting for a ridiculous candidate ans an exceptionally ggod reason to dislike a vote. I have seen several discussions on IRC about how funny it would be if Aimsplode were made an admin. I assumed good faith in the vote itself by allowing persons who had moved to the fork to vote, despite arguments from others to prevent them from doing so. The result has been that I am being accused of being a demonic fusion of Stalin and Hitler for striking a nomination for a user you guys banned indefinitely 1 week after the split for being "An arrogant, unrepentant asshole". I am distressed to hear that I am now being accused of assuming bad faith despite having seen evidence for people acting in exactly that way. Nobody who had voted for Aimsplode edits here any more and the instant wheel warring from EMC when someone does something he doesn't like makes a mix that is near guaranteed to foster both resentment and an erosion of trust.

I do not feel abandoned, I feel the community that has remained is being treated unfairly by those who have gone, being regularly described as bitter, foolish and ridiculous. I've read the forums, watched the IRC chats and seen the comments on talk pages. I wish I could continue not to mistrust many of the users who have moved, by their stated intention in many cases is to ultimately "bury" a wiki that I continue to maintain. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 23:03, January 23, 2013 (UTC)

I unbanned Aimsplode because you incorrectly assumed that he had reinstated his VFS nomination. So please let me know what wheel warring you're talking about. --Hotadmin4u69[TALK]23:07 Jan 23 2013

Hey ZB. On the issue of asking Sannse - the change logs are here, if that helps you get an idea of timeframes. You weren't excluded as far as I can see, just second to the party. (Sorry if I came across as frivolous on that earlier, but I assumed you would assume good faith.)

As for Aimsplode being removed - didn't you do the same with the MrEx nomination going back a while ago? And didn't I call you out on it? And didn't your decision stand? All rhetorical questions - I recently reread the exchange on the talkpage of UN:VFS. Wouldn't leaving the nomination there and allowing people to continue voting to pull it out at the last second be more of an issue? • Puppy's talk page • 11:05 23 Jan

Mr-ex got one vote in a nomination round, the purpose of which was to not have frivolous nominations in the main voting round. I do not see how that is parallel to throwing away several votes from both users and admins. -- BrigadierGeneralSirZombiebaron 23:15, January 23, 2013 (UTC)

Is there going to be another round of admin voting? If so, then why sweat the user round so much, no matter the baldly shitty faith of whomever? With a race as tight as 4-2-3-3-1-0, leaving him nominally in won't impact the final outcome none. --T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 23:28, January 23, 2013 (UTC)

I am curious. When did exactly Aimsplode show all those qualities that made him an ideal sysop for this site? Someone promising good behavior is not the same as actually doing anything constructive, rather than destructive as his ban log so evidently exhibits. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate)® 21:39, January 24, 2013 (UTC)

Another, but less Drama-filled VFS issue

In many of the nominations, there are statements that look like they could be either a vote or just a comment. Obviously, that is an issue when trying to determine vote count. --Mn-z 19:20, January 23, 2013 (UTC)

We'll have a final count closer to the end of the month. Hopefully avoiding any drama in the process. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 22:38, January 23, 2013 (UTC)

I'm concerned if we don't clarify earlier it'll create drama. I was going to go through and start adding "for", "against" and "comment" to those that missed them, based upon my understanding of what those users were after. It'd mean making assumption, but It'll create less work unravelling it in the end, and give people a chance to clarify themselves if unhappy. • Puppy's talk page • 11:05 23 Jan

When someone says "Clearly the best" or "the only suitable candidate," I would (correctly) assume it to be a vote. Context clues are a thing. I would only worry about it if it's a Lyrithya-esque massive, ambivalent paragraph situation on every single nomination. --T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 23:26, January 23, 2013 (UTC)

Your votes are clear even if not clearly marked. (For Sims, I seem to recall, and definite Against me). Not everyone has recognised that, which is why I'd rather bring it down to a clearer perspective. (As both of your votes had been stricken due to that ambiguity previously.) VFS is a drama-fest, as usual. Let's try and minimise it with a little clarity.

Speaking of which, the exchange you and I had on my nomination deserves to be read, but it's making clutter. Do you mind if it's in a “show/hide” thingy to clean that page up? (My preference for neatness while keeping things clean, but I don't want to appear to be trying to remove your comments. And could you change “untrustable” to “untrustworthy”. I assume it's what you mean, but it could also be confused for “distrustful”. It caused me to have to clarify via the context.) • Puppy's talk page • 12:15 24 Jan

"I think you know why"

But, do you? The last restoration of the voting for Aimsplode (at 21:31) was by Meganew.

Hotadmin was on recently and I made two requests to him regarding users. Most importantly, the Template Spammer returned. Could you re-ban that guy (it's on Ban Patrol too). My other request to Hotadmin was Autopatrolled for Lollapalloser. SpıkeѦ22:46 23-Jan-13

yo

I have decided that instead of abondoning this site completely I'll drift in between the two (well mainly focusing on the fork) so could you plz gimme some rollback/unlock my userpage plz :) ~SirFrosty(Talk to me!) 03:59, January 25, 2013 (UTC)

If you're able to keep the two sites separate then I think you're still eligible for admin. The community hasn't asked you to quit the role, and - personally - I'd rather you stayed on as admin here. • Puppy's talk page • 05:58 25 Jan

Frosty was one of our most capable and diligent patrollers and is geographically useful. But he made a commitment to the Fork and, uniquely, renounced Adminship here. His irrational polemic against me on UN:VFS makes me question today's change of heart; particularly the armchair psychology regarding the fact that I voted for myself, the claim that my relations toward one manipulative user are typical or likely toward new users, and even that segregating that user's many Can-I-Haz'es into a separate archive so we can search without wading through them was a show of egotism. I would welcome another hand to bail the Mother Ship, but require due process to let him back anywhere near the helm. SpıkeѦ13:43 25-Jan-13

What due process? Should we have a trial! A trial would be fun, ah, educational. Frosty to the docket! Aleister 13:48 25-1-'13

Chief, I think ICU may be harsh for this article: It is about a real band (that none of us will ever listen to) and even the mayhem-centric comedy take seems to relate to something in reality. I've given it small tweaks and pointed it to the corresponding Wikipedia article, and advised the author about how best to write band-cruft. SpıkeѦ15:41 25-Jan-13

Ultimately it makes little difference between ICU and WIP. It's just to ensure the article isn't abandoned following it starting off. If the author is happy for us to replace the ICU with a WIP then there's no issue. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 16:03, January 25, 2013 (UTC)

Yet another complaint

No Aimsplode, they don't. I have removed them since, in my view, they were being utilised to attack other users and otherwise not be particularly nice. In order to be fair I have removed all of them, as well as the comments which were cluttering up the page and making it difficult to count votes. When we reopen the page anybody who has had a vote removed will be able to cast a vote for someone else instead. For being the operative word in that sentence. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 07:15, January 26, 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, I haven't seen a real-world election where against votes count. Aimsplode, you should be glad they don't count, you have lots of votes now. And I'd suggest that you prepare to be an admin, even though your nom may not survive the obstacle course to come, by becoming more active on the site and by asking present admins what the most important jobs are, how to do them, how to patrol effictively (I found catergorizing helps, through it I've learned the site, where things are, when an IP edit is in good faith and if their edits fit the page or doesn't - kind of like getting good at judging intent). You should maybe ask all admins to adopt you as an admin, to show you how they do it and why, all the things you need to know. I for two have faith that you will use this experience as a learning curve both for your on-line life and your off-line life. It's like God is handing you a gift, and with this gift you can learn how to expand your understanding of other people, of emotions, of caring for something as large and Unimportant as uncyclopedia, and how to watch your temper so it comes out in a diplomatic way rather than an "them versus me" way. Stuff like that. And I've got a feeling that as this becomes real you may want to turn it down. I'd suggest you don't, and that you try it for awhile, and both play and work with a great spirit. This is all said in satire, of course (or is it?). Aleister 11:39 26-1-'13

I would suggest clearing the votes and starting over. Also, maybe 3 votes per person would make more sense. Or, maybe temporary admins until the end of March, so we can who is and isn't editing here in good faith. Perhaps we could op 2, but give chief justice the right to de-op the temporary admin, and replace with the 3rd place finisher at his judgment. --Mn-z 11:58, January 26, 2013 (UTC)

All the noise in the current vote has come from two other wikis, and I would no more have them make our decision for us than keep us from making one at all. But I don't mind making any new Admins probationary and letting the Chief de-op for cause--less eager to let him declare that a loser is actually a winner. We can already see who's editing in good faith (for example, since 5-Jan); the hope I expressed that opping Simsie would draw her in is diminished by the fact that nominating her hasn't, except for brief patrolling. On more minor points, the promotion of the Chief is done and had no controversy at all. And three votes for two Admins doesn't make sense. SpıkeѦ13:07 26-Jan-13

Yup, I would, all of 228.228, even at the risk of plunging the entire Detention Hall into darkness. SpıkeѦ13:23 26-Jan-13

Getting back to VFS

What if we op 3 probationary admins? I think de-opping someone tben re-opping someone else might have some issues. Or, what if we op 3 admins, then launch a Deop forum if and when one (or more) of the new ops gets out of line. --Mn-z 14:04, January 26, 2013 (UTC)

Probation for everyone (except the two drop-ins who got contentious during their own candidacy) (count me out too if that solves anything). This is justified by the current situation, in which the Chief and Romartus are the only Admins providing more than sporadic coverage. But moving from an observation of excessive drama to a potential "Deop forum" is crazy. SpıkeѦ14:17 26-Jan-13

My intent is that we will clear this matter up on Monday. I'd rather it was done by way of the vote. I have spoken with Romartus and I think we can manage for another week more. Email me if you would like further clarification. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 16:25, January 26, 2013 (UTC)

An Explanation

I merely want to know why you eliminated my nomination for admin when, unlike Aim's massive bandwagon vote, I was wholeheartedly serious about these proceedings. With no offense, it disgusts me to see the bureaucracy take my sincere attempt at running for admin in a time that the Wikia Uncyc requires such a thing by treating my solidly serious nom for admin. Give me a real reason for doing it, please... I've had long enough relations with the admins to know what dodgy and otherwise non-sustenant responses are.

It was agreed between myself and Romartus that your nomination be removed as you have not made contributions to mainspace articles for over 3 months and you primarily edit forums and talk pages. We also wished to ensure that the bandwagon voting did not simply switch over to you. I appreciate that you will be disappointed but there is always the chance to be nominated for VFS in future and the best way to achieve that is to contribute consistently to the wiki rather than simply hoping to be nominated when a VFS takes place. I hope that satisfies your request for an explanation. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 07:38, January 29, 2013 (UTC)

There is also the aspect of the sole nominator and voter withdrawing the vote as it was a joke nomination. • Puppy's talk page • 10:03 29 Jan

Gello.

Hello, ChiefjusticeDS. I am here today to beg ask very politely for you to adopt me.
--LumaShock (talk) 19:18, January 31, 2013 (UTC)

Hi LumaShock, I'm more than happy to adopt you. There's very little to it to be honest, you drop me a message on my talk page any time you have a question or want assistance doing anything. You can use the "email this user" function to get in touch if required. I'm usually about every single day, I'm sad that way. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 20:20, January 31, 2013 (UTC)

Please adopt me too

And since I'm asking you, an idea for executive action. Can we just admin all four candidates (by changing the number to 4 instead of 2, that should do it). For obvious reasons, and because no other admin has shown up to take up the workload. Aleister 19:30 31-1-'13

Ultimately there is no rush to op people, and I would hesitate to op all 4 candidates, we should try to op based on requirement, if the two candidates we get from this VFS aren't enough then we can easily op the others over the next couple of months. Adminship isn't something everyone needs, there's a predisposition to maintenance and I'd much rather people don't see potential adminship as the only reason to write on or maintain the site. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 20:26, January 31, 2013 (UTC)

If I'm not mistaken, was the purpose of that project simply to spam a template into several articles? --Mn-z 17:33, February 3, 2013 (UTC)

It does seem that that was the ultimate result though I'm sure there was some other idea behind it. Unfortunately Zana got herself indefinitely blocked so very little has happened with it. I don't see that there's any point doing anything about it at present. Are we intending to actually do something about it? That would be very drastic. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 18:44, February 3, 2013 (UTC)

There is a very easy solution, fortunately. And this site needs another active writer of her quality, hint hint. Aleister 12:50 4-2-'13

Zana is welcome back at the same time as her manners, which appeared to desert her shortly before she was banned indefinitely. Her behaviour fully warranted the indefinite ban and it came after several very clear directions not to persist with her behaviour, as well as several administrators resurrecting her. Nobody wanted Zana to go, but if we don't ban someone for edit warring with the admins, being rude and abusive to other users and several instances of ban evasion, what do we ban them for? --ChiefjusticeXBox360 13:16, February 4, 2013 (UTC)

True, all true (except her last ban, which I proved on Romartus' page was unwarranted and a mistake - she had gotten permission to do what she was banned for), but she was so much fun! Aleister 13:22 4-2-'13

I was in email contact with Zana but received a bounce back some months ago so I can't say where she is now. Zana has my email address so the next move is hers. Perhaps she has moved on to pastures new. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate)® 14:46, February 4, 2013 (UTC)

Voting systems

Hey,

Just a thought. We have abundle of systems we use for voting. Some of them work well - VFH, NotM - and some of them work poorly - VFS (obvs), VFD. What I'd like to do is use some of the more structured systems we have on some of the more awkward votes. As a for instance, use the VFH format on VFS, wher the comments are obviously separate from the votes, but keep the votes to “For” only. 'otY people done like our 'otY for articles (auto nominations for those who hit an 'otM in that area over the year). Stuff like that. Given we're in a position where we can comfortably change the structure going forward, it may be the time to start working out those structures. • Puppy's talk page • 08:52 04 Feb

I'm open to suggestions. Different procedures--if they are improvements--will further distinguish us from a certain impostor Uncyclopedia. Aleister has proposed on Romartus's talk page an administrative alternative to waiting for voters to straggle by on VFH, but I don't like a rule that gives specific powers to named individuals nor requires them to read everything self-nommed on VFH. The voting system at VFD works just fine, only there are no voters any more.

Other unsolicited suggestions:

We should renounce the tradition (just when I could benefit from it!) that Admins have 2 votes. There are some things that Admins can do with no vote at all, such as ban and huff. Admins are ultimately in a position to say that any given question should not be subject to a vote at all. However, if we agree that a certain decision needs wide buy-in and that everyone's opinion is valid, we ought not invent arithmetical tricks to skew the result.

If there is a way to make sport of our recent drama-fest without thereby prolonging it, it is time for an UnSignpost.

I've added the two new guys to UN:AA and, with fond memories of Rev. Zim ulator, distributed the insignia. It would be useful if UN:AA were a table with at least each admin's home timezone (for those who care to disclose it) so that people can get a sense of who is likely to be on call at given times of day. SpıkeѦ12:40 4-Feb-13

Are you sure about that revert? The guy seems like a decent writer (except for his occasional emphasis on poop and his knowledge of American civics) and I had posted to his talk page to try to guide him. SpıkeѦ19:37 5-Feb-13

More than happy for him to try again, the additions I rolled back weren't particularly high quality and the tipping point was the signature and the extra categories. If you have spoken to him about it then there's no problem with restoring the edits. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 06:06, February 6, 2013 (UTC)

Calcitetrol's Wildeisms

I came to the same conclusion as you on that user's out-of-control and unfunny Wildeisms--I think I reverted four more that he added as Anon--but was trying to give him a chance for repair and maybe even clean-up at User talk:Calcitetrol. But let your revert stand. SpıkeѦ11:27 8-Feb-13

You might revert in the name of consistency. At this point there are so many that he is not going to go back to all of them and "do the right thing." SpıkeѦ11:43 8-Feb-13

Already undone edit by Chief. I'm not sure if it works on here as it may be different depending upon the version of wikimedia, but there is an option to “nuke” edits on the mirror. That'll revert (or maybe undo) all edits made by a user if the edits are the top edit of a page. I remember UU mentioned it once many moons ago. I can look into the process again if needs be for here. But we do tend to undo or revert most edits on merit, and that tends to be a one at a time effort, so it may be a possible option that you choose to not use. • Puppy's talk page • 11:57 08 Feb

To be clear, I meant revert Calcitetrol on Street Fighter only. I don't propose to countermand the Chief, least of all nuke him, and I see no merit to Calcitetrol's edits, only a teachable moment. I had already returned to his talk page and explained why he had been reverted. SpıkeѦ12:03 8-Feb-13

Content warning stuff

Re-pasting Pup's message on my talk page regards the Achtung! Site Danger message:--RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate)® 13:15, February 12, 2013 (UTC)
Okay - my coding is not always perfect, so be ready to revert this if it goes askew.

I've only edited the areas of common.css directly related to the content warning. This should replace the content warning completely. I'd suggest having a second browser open to check the content warning after the changes have been made (one where you're not logged in) just to be on the safe side. If it buggers up, then revert. • Puppy's talk page • 12:40 12 Feb

I will put an alert on the Chief's page as he is the site Bureaucrat to have a look. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate)® 13:08, February 12, 2013 (UTC)

I have implemented these changes (adding some comments) as it's always odd (pundits on Wikipedia might refer to it as "seemingly abandoned" to have a vote in the Forum lead to no implementation in two weeks. If this is in error, it can be reversed with two mouse clicks. (Unless it brings down the website!) SpıkeѦ03:07 28-Feb-13

The rage name

Indeed it does not serve us to have a user with a name that permanently references a mishap with me, especially as Romartus says the Fork is about to do an UnSignpost on our harsh rule. But the guy has a sense of humor--the conflict in question is not specific to me and stems only from the fact that he's never been pushed to stretch his humor to article length--and I tried to bring him along on his (ugh!) talk page. Stay your sentence for a couple days? SpıkeѦ13:11 17-Feb-13

I think you can ban the username without preventing the underlying IP addresses from registering with a different account. --Mn-z 13:18, February 17, 2013 (UTC)

As the only sacking offense is his choice of username, this should be done. If I know it is he (and how would I?) I can resuscitate my comments that he didn't "fail at comedy" but only at writing an Uncyclopedia article and post it to a new talk page. On the other hand, if he was employing the tendency of adolescent Americans of playing a Guilt Card then leaving the table forever, screw him. SpıkeѦ13:29 17-Feb-13

Hea

I was hoping to e-mail you. Could I? I have an account which is somewhere@in.the.page.history. If you are busy, that's cool. No biggie, I just had a few things I wanted to discuss with you off wiki. BTW... MrN (talk to me)09:46, Feb 20

Sorry - did a revert and partial restore to reduce the risk of that address being picked up by spammers. Not trying to suggest it was vandalism. • Puppy's talk page • 10:17 20 Feb 2013

Sure. I've sent you an email. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 11:05, February 20, 2013 (UTC)

I mentioned privately that I had edited a number of these, merely to improve their description (from, for example, "something something".)

Today I continued editing their documentation:

Applying further changes to their descriptions

Changing filters 7 and 15 from "deleted" to "disabled" so they will appear in the listing, though continuing to not take effect, along with a description of the original intention

Changing the location of page breaks in the code of some abuse filters, for clarity, and

On disabled filter 15 (Block any and all edits), remove the "block" reaction to make it even clearer that it isn't in effect.

With your permission, I'll make one substantive change: Abuse filter 17 is triggered when someone adds a line with "http://" or "https://" to a page (and does not delete such a line; that is, is not merely editing an existing link). Currently there is no reaction. I'd like to add "Tag" as the reaction, so it will show up in Special:RecentChanges in the same way as removing {{ICU}} or {{Construction}} does. I'd like to see these changes because "we are not a catalog of funny stuff available elsewhere on the Web" and such edits are usually revert-worthy. SpıkeѦ18:41 20-Feb-13

Sounds fine to me. If it works: it was a great idea. If it doesn't work: I told you so. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 10:04, February 21, 2013 (UTC)

Management thinking, that. This is implemented and first shown in Special:RecentChanges on a test edit of mine at 12:10. 12:13 Never mind; doesn't show up since I deleted the test file (of course). SpıkeѦ12:18 21-Feb-13

I just ran through a few tests myself (same location). As far as I can tell it's working smoothly. • Puppy's talk page • 12:27 21 Feb 2013

But only your fourth edit (12:25) actually got the legend in RecentChanges. Why do you think that is? I changed the coding; it used to define what a weblink looked like, but MediaWiki already knows, and counts them, so I just used the count. Unique weblinks added must exceed unique weblinks removed for it to fire. SpıkeѦ12:31 21-Feb-13

Test 1 & 2 were links internal using external link parameters (with and without {{FULLURL}}. Test 3 was an iw link. 4 was the only true external link. I'm not sure what http://uncyclopedia.org will create, but it's a defunct address anyway that just redirects back. (I'll find out what it does after I hit save here.) Also, there is another issue with the abuse filters, but I'm looking into it. • Puppy's talk page • 12:41 21 Feb 2013

Not just putting four numbers on the page. But 122.53.41.26 (Talk • Contribs(del) • Block(rem-lst-all) • Whois • City • Proxy? • WP Edits • Checkuser) seems to produce an external web link, as we should see at RecentChanges. 14:46 Yup. It would be easiest for the filter to special-case UN:BP. Where else do we ever use {{IP}}? 14:50 PS--I coded UN:BP as an exception; also the entire UnNews namespace, where we tell 'em to provide at least one Source, which is typically an external link. It hasn't trapped anything else in five hours. SpıkeѦ22:07 21-Feb-13

This is now done, with exceptions coded for Ban Patrol (and, this morning, its archives) and UnNews. SpıkeѦ12:18 22-Feb-13

As a consequence of studying the code at Ban Patrol, I've done two things:

Moved the instructions into a template so reporting users don't have to wade through them in the edit window (if they edit the page and not just the correct section) and,

Edited them to sort the instructions by audience and by sequence, and not to crack wise except at the start. (Indeed it doesn't need to contain my username but it ought no longer include ZB's.)

Should I put one or both of these steps into effect at UN:BP? Edit the template as you see fit. SpıkeѦ15:38 21-Feb-13

I've made a couple of cosmetic changes to it, the light-heartedness of Uncyclopedia is very important as it is what stops us being the "Humorous Essays" category on Wikipedia and we should keep hold of the warnings at the end rather than moving them back into the text as a warning. I've also changed instances of the word "offender" to "user" as it sounds better and more friendly. Otherwise the template isn't a bad idea. Make sure it's protected when added, Ban Patrol itself should keep it's current protection level. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 08:28, February 22, 2013 (UTC)

This template is installed at UN:BP as you edited it. SpıkeѦ12:18 22-Feb-13

Abuse Filter 10

This one tests (four times in a row, from what I can read) for an editor removing from an article any of a number of templates that, except for {{stub}}, I don't think we use any more:

I have put into Abuse Filter 1 every case where someone removed a maintenance tag that we still use (except {{Stub}}) and have disabled AF2 and AF9, which checked for a lot of the same things. AF10 still exists--when we last left it, it was wasting cycles but not doing anything. It will now just output "Triggered Abuse Filter 10" and we'll see if we care. SpıkeѦ13:52 22-Mar-13

Abuse Filter 3

This filter seeks to keep Anon from blanking pages in userspace. I've edited this just to improve the documentation. The documentation in most of these filters was from Lyrithya and the only evident purpose seems to be to give the impression she didn't know what she was doing.

"user_groups contains "user" is odd, compared to other filters, which use "autoconfirmed"--which, on Uncyclopedia, all users are.[1]

The next two lines refer to user_name, which is peculiar, as we assume the guy isn't logged in.[2]

The lines with numbers describe the old and new size of the page, and the net change to the size of the page, that trigger the filter.

The other lines list cases that might cause the edit to be considered reasonable. I don't think so, as again, the guy isn't logged in. It doesn't excuse anything that Anon is turning a user page into a REDIRECT. He can do anything he wants to, subject to review, after logging in. These lines are why the definition of the filter is not made public.

Here is what I think:

Anon should be able to edit any talk page in userspace. (But perhaps only by adding lines. Testing for "removed_lines = 0" is harsh and would keep Anon from even fixing a typo in an earlier post. More lenient tests could not prevent Anon from deleting good stuff by adding bulkier bad stuff.)

Anon should not be able to edit user article space, including user pages, ever, not even give someone an award nomination template. Again: He can log in first. SpıkeѦ15:28 22-Feb-13

Abuse Filter 15 (formerly a filter we weren't using, to keep anyone from editing on his first day) now is the same code without the exclusions. It matches all Anon edits to userspace and "massive deletions" anywhere else. But all it does is put a warning in RecentChanges. It matched my deliberate test at 3:44 UTC, and says it would not have matched any of the previous 100 edits. SpıkeѦ03:51 28-Feb-13

Idiot Suppression System

Abuse filter 11 was aimed at one specific attack by a vandal who could change his IP at will and was willing to register as multiple Uncyclopedia users. The vandal tried to code annoying widgets that would float at a fixed position on the reader's screen. (We still have a template that does this.) (This vandal may have come from ED and this may be why the filter was named Idiot Suppression.) He might code this as a DIV. He would try to evade detection by pattern-matching by breaking up the word DIV with an HTML comment:

<D<!--comment-->IV ...

Abuse filter 11 cautiously exempted edits that removed as well as added such lines, for example, made a harmless edit to a pre-existing line. But the filter would match a variety of other things in a long line of HTML, such as:

<DIV>...</DIV> <!--Line added by Spike--> <SPAN>...</SPAN>

Currently, it was running but applying no sanction. I have improved the comments and its name and disabled it. SpıkeѦ17:37 22-Feb-13

VFS

I do not see it as essential, I think we're running with enough admins at present. I am sorry that I have not been active, I have unfortunately been ill for the last few days and unable to edit the wiki. Hopefully I will be around a bit more over the next few days. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 06:45, March 6, 2013 (UTC)

I Think This Goes Here

Hey I'm quite new here as you can probably see and it was recently brought to my attention that there is a noob adoption program thing here. As condescending as the program sounds I figured I'd give it a try. So if you'd be willing to take m eon I'd appreciate it a lot. (And sorry in advance if I break something here or screw up this formatting stuff. I'm not really used to a wiki environment.) --Atrolantra (talk) 09:10, March 12, 2013 (UTC)

I'll have you know that Chief is quite a horrible person with a terrible oral hygiene (he's English after all). Until he comes back feel free to ask me for help as well, I will return you to his custody when he's back. Also, hi Chief, how have you been, princes? ~ 22:52, March 12, 2013 (UTC)

It has been noted recently that there has been a huge decrease in the number of pee reviews made each week. Before some hard-work pissing a few days ago there were still pee reviews from November 2012 left to review. This has made many uncyclopedians unhappy that their work isn't being pissed on by other more experienced and toilet trained uncyclopedians.

Remember that if you want to have your article reviewed then you must first review someone elses. There has been an influx of noobs joining these last five months and many of them would love help on how to improve their articles and help on how to make them funny. Many noobs such as Dannyboy and Anton199 have been struggling to produce good-quality articles and have required information from admins and a few others that their articles are bad or not funny but they are not being told the specifics and how to improve the articles.

The general message that Uncyclopedia and Unsignpost want to put out is stop day dreaming and start "pissing about." Get on the pee review page and write a few reviews every week. Even upload some articles to be reviewed. By doing this we can turn the Pee Review page from a stagnant wasteland of tripe into a growing community with bonds of friendship being made between the reviewers and the writers (yeah right!).

Just piss a bit more please.

The same situation applies to the Votes For Highlight page which sees its usual voters ever week however the number of regular visitors and contributors to the VFH page is not enough for the articles there to get high enough votes to either fail or pass being features. When you visit that page please try to vote for and/or against on as many articles as you can so that everyday can have a new article featured.

Nobody is writing this article this week as nobody has contributed. Apparently somebody's excuse for not contributing was that nobody had done it already which really isn't a valid excuse. Somebody encourages others to write in this space the next time UnSignpost is released so that nobody doesn't have to do it again. Nobody has been writing the last three month's UnSignposts after all.

Anyway back to the point. Nobody would like to point out that recent events in the news such as the war against the other uncyclopedia websites with the April Fools prank which admitedly nobody knows anything about but somebody may be able to tell you more on that story. Also Magaret Thatcher, the role model, has died so Uncyclopedia is looking for someone to write a funeral song for her to be played at that glorius moment. I mean glorious in that we can celebrate her awful policies in politics - awfully good policies that is. The last and only entry we have received so far was, UnTunes:Ding, Dong the Witch is Dead however sadly this was banned and deleted by wikia authorities before we got the chance to hear it.

Biopic of the Week
Dannyboy1209, might be new and a bit mischievous, but he is a really nice guy and knows a thing or two about computers and might even be an admin one day. He started recently and wants to try and be a bit of a success.

He has had trouble with his first few articles in creating a humour element to them but is working harder now than he ever has before and with the help of a few admins he is going to be producing dozens of featured pages by the week.

Thanks to the recent scandal that UnSignpost has been involved in where half our editors and journalists were sacked after they were accused of hacking into other people's Uncyclopedia accounts we have been left short staffed. Please help in the future by contributing articles to make sure that this newspaper can exist in the quality that it is already in. Thanks you.

Please check out the main page of UnSignpost as there is new information there about a change in editors.

Looking for Adoption

I am a noob, unfortunately. And you seem like a pretty cool cucumber. My attempts at humour have been met with unanimous "meh", and I'm looking for someone to show me the way. If you want to. Not like I'd be seriously disappointed and depressed if you said no. TheDarthMoogle (talk) 16:12, April 24, 2013 (UTC)

Hi Chief

You probably haven't heard of me before because I joined as a member since you took a break recently from Uncyclopedia. If you ever come back and read this just to say I'm continuing UnSignpost still so if you feel like coming back I wouldn't mind some help with providing more articles and using the bots. I gave out my most recent (and first) UnSignpost manually! Thanks. Sir ScottPatUnSCUNVFH(talk) 17:03, April 24, 2013 (UTC)

The Uncyclopedian government is printing all currency with Darth Vader's face on today.

Once again it is that time of year when we must take a day off to remember those who fought for the Rebels against the evil empire. As you know Uncyclopedia has a large Jedi community and to reach out to all our religious groups no matter how liberal they are we muast help them with their festivals.

What will you do on International Star Wars day? Perhaps you shall visit the temple and pray for the dead of Hoth? Perhaps you will use the force for good and strangle some politicians? Whatever it is that you want to do Uncyclopedia is there to support you.

One user who will remain nameless, is going to attempt to raise money for charity by speaking in Jedi for the whole day. The money he collects will go to Unsignpost the homeless hitch-hikers who are struggling to find somewhere to settle down after their home planet of Alderon was destroyed.

Nobody has been handing out welcome messages to people recently signed with different admins names and nobody was concered by the huge discussion on a forum about it. Nobody would like to apolagise for this because to be quite frank Nobody did it. Many admins were getting quite frustrated that Nobody had done it as they had wanted to do the welcome messages instead.

It was later discovered by Spike that it wasn't Nobody (Nobody disagrees) that had done it (excuse my grammar) but that it was an automated Wikia message. This has caused some members of our community to vent even more frustration with Wikia however this newspaper would like to point out that Wikia has done a lot to benefit us and Nobody agrees that the welcome message (and content warning) has been very useful.

The fact that the message has now been stopped is thanks to the admins sorting the problem out with Wikia so on this note Nobody would like to thank the admins for their help in running this site.

Also Nobody cares about UnSignpost and Nobody is moved that there are a lack of articles submitted to UnSignpost to be featured in the newspaper. UnSignpost would therefore like to remind you that it is vital to support your community newspaper as it supports the community.

Rumour has it that the co-editor of UnSignpost (Dannyboy) was recently banned from Uncyclopedia and is barely surviving in the miserable world of reality. He is currently traumatised and struggling to eat. He has had to cope with extreme poverty for many days.

UnSignpost has launched an appeal to help him in this time of sadness and depression: just a donation of £2 a month could help to restore Dannyboy to a fit and active state so that he is ready to continue Uncyclopeding again.

"I didn't realise that people still read this [but then I realised how good it was]."

Biopic of the Month

Unfortunately due to lack of UnSignpost support there is no biopic for this week. Please send a biopic of yourself or someone you hate to our press room and it may feature in our next UnSignpost edition.

A full week has passed since our last edition and the news is piling up, notably the story for which we'd "clear Page One" if we ever had more than one page: This week was just like last week. The only exeption being that more evidence has led certain users to believe that Uncyclopedia is being controlled by a higher power. The evidence is listed here:

Firstly, Uncyclopedia's only "openly" Welsh editor has left the site in protest over the obvious racism against her race (are the Welsh a race?) or language, on the part of either us, Britain, or Wikia. Overlooked is the fact that the member is female, a class we proudly discriminate in favor of. Consequently, both Admin Simsilikesims and recently un-permabanned Zana Dark have complained at how the celibate masses at Uncyclopedia are wiping their mouths when either walks by. A higher power has intervened and has tried to assuage the fallen-away member by decreeing that all Uncyclopedia articles must now be written in Welsh (and users must install the Unicode "ancient rune" font page) but to no avail.

Also, Funnybony, after 8 Uncyclopedia writing prizes, 44.5 entries in the Hall of Shame (our eighth most prolific ever), and 546 articles, just keeps getting nominated on VFH. We are studying how it is possible that he can't ever write an article that isn't featured. Maybe the votes have been rigged, maybe some users are being brainwashed or perhaps it's just that Funnybony has a lot of sockpuppets.

Aleister kicked off with bringing the topic into a conversation with SPIKE on a completely unrelated forum, SPIKE immediatly reacted by calling off play and deciding to move to another pitch as this one was too wet and reminded Aleister that this strategy had been used twice before to no avail.

Undetered Aleister replied by claiming that the first change worked but the second change reverted the content warning to the original and this time we'd get it right. Aleister then preceded to run up the pitch dribbling the ball through the midfielders. ScottPat ran down the wing screaming at Aleister to go for the goal now. Aleister who was about to storm off the pitch thanked ScottPat and continued.

Shabidoo then charged down the other wing hurling attacks at the original content warning defenders who seemed to be non-existant before swearing so much he collapsed into a ball. Startled ScottPat replied that he didn't want top have anything to do with anti-Wikia extremism and Aleister lined up the ball for the shot into goal.

Aleister placed the ball into the back of the net with a vote for the new content warning. ScottPat ran up to him patting him on the back and giving him a "for" followed by Simsie and Puppy. SPIKE then struck back attempting to shoot the ball into the back of the new content warning supporters' net with the opinion that readers don't care about the content warning although he saw that the other team were fierce and wrote to Wikia asking the content warning to be removed as it was no longer needed.

Aleister, Puppy and ScottPat defended against him with three replies while Mhaille ran up the pitch and saw a goal scoring oppurtunity with another content warning proposal however Scottpat was unsure that that oppurtunity would get them the goal that the team were aiming for. Puppy stood with the ball wandering whether to pass it to Mhaille afterall but remained indecisive.

ScottPat is an overly zealous and patriotic nutter. He is of the male sex and he is half English, half Scottish and half Manx (person from the Isle of Man). ScottPat resides in Britain and doesn't want to live anywhere else as he prefers the rain and the pessimism.

Things that annoy ScottPat are swearing, foreigners who think Britain is rubbish, republicans (not the American party, the people who don't want a Queen), British people who don't like their own country, Capitalism, Communism and religion. However ScottPat does like Monarchism, patriotism, science, history, politics, English and comedy.

ScottPat's favourite quote is: "Who are you Mr. President?" although he is not a UKIP supporter (he votes Monster Raving Loony every time) and quite likes the EU, it's just that a Brit pissing off a European who thinks he has more authority than the Brit does is funny. ScottPat finds a lot of his comedy in how Britain still thinks that it is the ultimate superpower in the World but no one else does and also in historical European disputes.

A recent forum on village dump has brought the thought of having an article competition to the Uncyclopedian user masses. "Competitions would increase productivity of articles," claimed the forum writer ScottPat when interviewed by himself. Recent studies done by wikia authorities confirm this.

The idea would be to have a panel of experienced judges (probably admins) who could judge the articles submitted by users. By having three judges there would be less opinionation. The articles can then be given scores out of 50 just like on pee review with some comments. The overall winner could be given a template and so could the winner of each individual category. Categories could be based on: humour, content, parody humour, satire, images and so on.

If you would like to support this and want to have a competition then please do get in touch by voicing your opinions on the forum. This will surely help to make Uncyclopedia better and will be fun for everyone.

Summer holidays are coming and users seem to become more active. This shows that we are gradually recovering from the recent uneconomic downturn.

For example an unknown IP vandal who seemed to be sleeping for the whole year and whose only contributions were to add several quotes here and there, is fully awake now. During the last two days (to be more accurate: nights) he was trying to realize a very carefully planned attack. He has added several quotes to at least 20 pages on Uncyclopedia. His goal was to... Well, no one knows what his goal was because it has not been achieved and Uncyclopedia has neither lost its high morality, nor encountered a major crisis. To be honest, everything that the vandal did in an hour (probably), has been undone in ... several minutes. Those who saved Uncyclopedia from external enemies and whom we can thank are: Simsilikesims (as always), Spike, ScottPat, Frosty, Llwy-ar-lawr and...ahem... me.

Llwy-ar-lawr has returned in order to continue arguing explain us her point of view on virtual discrimination of the national minorities (probably some Americans, Russians, etc.).

Also a recent poll has shown that 99% of our users are inactive. This probably means they are hibernating. Recently User:Zim ulator has woken up and User:Orian57 appeared briefly. Zim ulator seems to be here to stay so on behalf of the community of Uncyclopedia we welcome him back.

Mhaille's real name (as is 42% percent of the British male population) is Niles, though this is actually pronounced "MAHL-ee." Niles is one of the few notable British Uncyclopedians. He's married to popular Eskimo singer Björk, and collects used batteries. Mhaille is the admin to talk to if you're a n00b, because he doesn't hate you outright... yet. Mhaille has helped Gollum's recording career by buying all his albums, watches Euthenasia politics on BBC4, is a history buff that loves old British Army entertainment reels, and is a self-declared "warrior-poet," whatever that means.

The participants in the PLS will also have to partake in the sack race round.

An agreement between a large part of the Uncyclopedian Community has come about that we are to hold a Poo-Lit Surprise contest at the end of June. The competition will be run by Romartus and the judges are yet to be chosen. Any queries about this competition can be asked here and one of the users involved shall get round to answering it.

The winner of the competition will receive a template and the usual crown of thorns and everyone will feel bitter about him for the rest of his time at Uncyclopedia. But in true cavalier spirit, it is not the winning that counts but the taking part. However if you are a roundhead you'd have planned your cheat strategy from the start and are probably very likely to win it.

HowTo:Care for Uncyclopedia so that it doesn't end up as degraded as Encyclopedia Dramatica.

A lot of things on Uncyclopedia are not what their title suggests (and sometimes exactly the opposite). For example, if a user understands the name of the Pee Review page literally, he will probably be deceived. Although we actually do deal with your waste but only with the virtual one.

In addition to this, few people do dirty work nowadays and that is why everything you leave may not be sent back to you. 8 articles need to be reviewed. Here is the link.

Therefore Uncyclopedia is changing. The Village Dump is actually becoming such. A lot of topics are not even worth discussing and even if they are, they can easily be moved to someone's talk page.

A lot of Uncyclopedians want to laugh on every page possible and now they find it hard on our Forum. That is why they are protesting against boring and not useful issues such as Creative Commons or Content Warning. But those users (although very active) have refused to answer our reporters' questions because of their shyness. This is why this conclusion maybe different from theirs.

Also our friend The Reverend is spreading his spiritual wisdom around Uncyclopedia in the form of proofreading so that he may enlighten us all and show us how to write properly.

"We have two lives, - said Confucius, - and the second one starts when we realise that we only have one."

So if you are actually present here (which means that Uncyclopedia is your life (virtual one)), we can politely ask you to help us. Especially with some problems you may find boring. After this your second life might begin.

Simsilikesims is the remaining active female admin on Uncyclopedia. She is, of course, an avid fan of all things related to the Sims: She owns all expansion packs of The Sims, The Sims 2, The Sims 3, and The Sims Medieval. She also plays the Sims Social on Facebook, and is sad that game is ending in June. She also likes Tycoon games, and hidden object games, but hasn't played them recently. Her music tastes range from 80's music to New Age, and will listen to almost anything except rap and country. As to favorite TV shows, she watches what everybody else is watching, unless she is alone, in which case, she watches news and doctor shows, with a little Wheel of Fortune, Dancing With the Stars, or The Voice on the side. She works as a tax preparer, a job that some would find dull, but she finds it a way to meet new and interesting people while making money. Some of her past jobs include call center work, data entry, internet shopping, and proofreading.

Hi there

I see you are one of em adminses who moved to the fork during the split. Now, I don't know about everyone, but a sizeable amount of us here are fine with people editing both sites. So, here's to a bright, and misleading future for Uncyclopedia! (Both of em!) --The Shield of Azunai DSA510My Edits! 17:18, June 10, 2013 (UTC)

I am not one of "em" though I do enjoy cordial relationships with "em" when we pass in the street. I was here whilst the whole unpleasant movement was taking place and departed both wikis altogether for a couple of months. I hope to be back on a more frequent basis now. Good to meet you and see a name I don't recognise. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 17:25, June 10, 2013 (UTC)

*Sctatches head Eh, I'm relatively new... you may have heard of me as Denza252... though, its a long story. Now, I'm DungeonSiegeAddict510, shortened to DSA510. Anyhow, I've been patrolling edits (you should have seen the recent vandal attack that happened just yesterday) voting, and periodically writing for articles. And the pleasure of meeting you is as much mine as is yours! --The Shield of Azunai DSA510My Edits! 17:38, June 10, 2013 (UTC)

WELCOME BACK!

You will not recognise me either, however you will recognise the UnSignpost still running, I cared for your baby while you were away. Good to have you back, Spike talked of you as though you were a prophet. SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 18:28, June 10, 2013 (UTC)

Wait, the UnSignpost was owned by Chiefjustice? Thats news to me! I should really learn more about the history and such... but yeah! --The Shield of Azunai DSA510My Edits! 18:31, June 10, 2013 (UTC)

Spike is too kind. I have tried to keep up with the USP and I'm pleased that somebody has taken up the role after I so rudely abandoned it. It's good to see new faces on the wiki and I hope we can make sweet wordplay together soon. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 18:47, June 10, 2013 (UTC)

Yes, welcome back, and I hope it is for good, but the fact that you added yourself back to UN:AA is a good sign. On last night's vandal attack, that seems to be a one-timer by a mostly unfunny IP that I banned for 1 day. You were involved in the massive page-move attack, and since then we were having daily visits by Wolverhampton, solved when Wikia reduced Anons to three edits per minute. (I had tried to do the same thing with an Abuse Filter, but in the face of a determined attack, they take themselves out of service as a "safety feature.") Your maintenance of VFD was premature (though no harm done); after a real lull, we have recovered to the point where we can wait for a +5 vote again. SpıkeѦ18:43 10-Jun-13

And VFH is coming along splendidly with an article reaching above 10 for the first time in which I've been here so I think we are definitely a growing website and the best is too come! SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 18:49, June 10, 2013 (UTC)

Ha! I hadn't realised you had put Funnybony's band as the next feature! Got so use to doing that page that I hadn't checked but it's a good choice! --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate)® 21:27, June 10, 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, I thought it was about time. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 05:53, June 11, 2013 (UTC)

Just a random question

Do you like anime/manga? Just asking, cuz I saw the nice little images on your userpage. And don't worry! (I love manga/anime) Again, just a random question, feel free to answer whenever you can want to! --The Shield of Azunai DSA510My Edits! 20:47, June 10, 2013 (UTC)

Not really. The pictures just make me feel pretty. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 05:48, June 11, 2013 (UTC)

It seems ok, the welcome template is a very personal thing and we'd encourage you to go your own way with it. I'd just suggest breaking it up a bit more, the big paragraph of text at the end seems a bit laborious to read through. Hope that helps. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 18:20, June 12, 2013 (UTC)

Eh, about that, I was told to make it with less categories by SPIKE... and I think that the users have enough time to read one paragraph, if they have enough time to read Uncyclopedia... --The Shield of Azunai DSA510My Edits! 19:42, June 12, 2013 (UTC)

Another chapter in the Denza252 saga

We need a checkuser run on Denza252, DungeonSiegeAddict510, and Dungeonmaster494. Both DungeonSiegeAddict510 and Dungeonmaster494 are claiming to be the real Denza252. Also, we need to know whether DSA510 was evading his ban by using Denza252, or whether the edit using Denza252 came at just the wrong timing (during DSA510's 2 hour ban). In the meantime, SPIKE has permabanned Denza252, and I have banned DungeonSiegeAddict for 2 weeks on suspicion of ban evasion. Now Dungeonmaster494 replies on my talk page that he is the real Denza and DSA should be banned as the imposter. Could you help us sort this out? -- Simsilikesims(♀UN)Talk here. 23:48, June 13, 2013 (UTC)

Um, DungeonDwemer510 has arrived. Details of this mess are at the bottom of Simsie's and my talk pages and of User talk:DungeonSiegeAddict510. DSA510 has exceeded my expectations in quality patrolling in recent nights, but he cannot seem to avoid the need to pimp himself with rulebreaking. Or else it's someone else.... SpıkeѦ23:57 13-Jun-13

I'll get a checkuser done the next time I can get hold of sannse. From reading the discussion on Sims' talk page I don't think I need to stick my oar in any further than that. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 06:06, June 14, 2013 (UTC)

Ah yes, I have been restored, the fake ones have been pwned, and I have given information about myself that basically... I checkuser'd myself. If you check the logs, you will find that I used to sign as an IP, as "The Indian Otaku", far back... with my home IP (the one beginning with 98) and sometimes with my school IP, (the one starting with a hundredsomehting)And when I started with Denza252, that IP didn't change. Even now, I have the same IP, just a different account, due to the hacking. --The Shield of Azunai DSA510My Edits! 06:10, June 14, 2013 (UTC)

Rollback?

Hi ChiefjusticeDS, could you give me the rollback rights? I was directed to here by SPIKE as I had requested the rights from him a few days ago. I'm not too sure how things work here, but on Wikipedia, vandal fighters with a good sense of what to revert and have made sufficient reverts are granted this right upon request. And, I would like to use the above-mentioned reason for this request. Thanks. Graphium(✉ • ✎) 13:41, 14 June 2013

Yup, I replied on my talk page that he is not a daily presence but has an excellent sense of what belongs on the site and what does not. SpıkeѦ13:50 14-Jun-13

I have given you rollback rights, try not to have too much fun with them. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 15:02, June 14, 2013 (UTC)

A certain user is scooping the competition by revealing here that a heretofore unknown group of users has been accumulating subversive UnDocuments containing UnToons, fresh off the Strip Generator. It is rumored that as many as 7 or 16 separate comics, with characters seen here before, are in this file.

Once a certain sum of comic strips are accumulated, this gruntled group intends to release some sort of public statement, proposing the reinsertion of UnToons into UnNews front page.

There is very little information on these people, other than they make some of us nervous.

Another rumor is that this group is looking for submissions of cartoons, to be brought to the attention of a certain Reverend Zim, who has been abducted and forced to work with the group. There may be something posted at the Village Dump, where sympathetic users may make contact. Until then, folks can contact Zim at his talk page.

HowTo:Care for Uncyclopedia so that it doesn't end up as degraded as Encyclopedia Dramatica.

Several witnesses confirmed that they have seen the return of Nemesis.

All the formerly missing admins suddenly begun returning one by one and different Uncyclopedians have lately admired the resurrection of our Justice (literally).

And, although, the VFH page is becoming shorter and shorter to the great joy of our rivals (do we even have any?), the list of the Pee review requests has almost hit our record and a group of unvestigators have discovered that an average admin is now a way more active than all the normal users, there are still some good news (if you don't consider the very first one to be such).

For example, after a long period of Darkness several VFH entries have received more than 10 votes against.

PLS
The PLS competition is well under way now thanks to Romartus' hard work. Many users have been brought together for this competition with many old users appearing again either to judge or submit an article.

UnSignpost encourages everyone to join in the PLS to make this our best competition ever.

The Importance of Being Denza

So you want to find out the answer to the ultimate question, who the hell is Denza? Well first you gotta ask yourself:

One with the Ancients, Romartus saw his brother at the Pompeii exhibition at the British Museum last week.' So that's what happened to the bugger...frozen in time'. He knows his historical stuff and can be quite a bore in that department if you stand long enough and listen to him. Has been here since 2008 when he wrote his first article Julian the Apostate - and hasn't looked back - or forward - since. Says he is British and likes to write on various subjects. Only became an admin when promised Nicole Scherzinger's undivided attention. She hasn't returned his calls since.

Hi Chief

Just to let you know (I have let Spike know as well) that someone has used my username without my permission to upload spam pictures on uncyclopedia so that was not me. I have changed my password which hopefully will do the trick. SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 19:02, June 14, 2013 (UTC)

Budding Uncyclopedian TheDutchOwner has just quit, claiming as a reason "being called stupid" when I referred him to our venerable writing guide. We are a humor wiki, and the title has always amused me, but are we cutting our own throats by seizing the opportunity to make sport at the expense of the (usually new) reader? Do we intend to weed out the thin-skinned from the herd of potential new contributors? Has anyone thought about the name of this article in the past few years--since users making sport of one another was the site's principal activity? SpıkeѦ14:55 17-Jun-13

I don't see it as much of an issue. It is important to stress when referring people to HTBFANJS that we are not simply saying that their writing is stupid. The idea behind HTBFANJS is to introduce people to the sort of humour we are looking for on this wiki, the sort of jokes we see all the time and a couple of basic do's and don'ts. It is important people do not get the wrong end of the stick and confuse it with UN:FAIL, and as the person directing them to the page we must stress that this is the case, otherwise we verge into biting the noobs territory. I have done this accidentally myself and seen it done by others.

If this community is to grow we need more users and that means being encouraging by giving new users freedom to work on new articles and make changes without interference. Where advice is needed or requested we do it in a way that makes it seem like we are talking to them as fellow editors rather than power-hungry admin overlords. So to answer your question, yes on first sight the page appears insulting, yes we have previously discussed changing it and decided against it. We as the established editors should ensure that our intentions are clear when we direct newer users there. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 16:03, June 17, 2013 (UTC)

Hello!!!

I was going to thank whoever featured my Moon page - and it was you! Thanks for that, but more yowzers and whoopies and thingamajigs that you've come back. Good to "see" you again. I'm not really back myself, computer problems again for over a week, but my hopes are to be back soon. Chief! Aleister 15:14 18-6--13

It's good to "see" you again also. Thanks for voting for my newest article as well! Hopefully we will see you more regularly once your computer is working properly. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 16:26, June 18, 2013 (UTC)

I agree with you that {{ICU}} on this has not expired, but share DungeonSiegeAddict510's wish that it would just go away. It is inevitably toilet humor; author does not have the skill to write a masterpiece, but only yeomanly toilet humor; and it is a page where you have to guess the punch line to read the joke. Am not suggesting that you bypass the rules.

PS--Apart from legendary hoaxes on this website and Change Summaries of the form HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT ME, DSA510 is doing a lot of valuable patrolling. If you would give him rollback, he could more easily see what needs patrolling; and also could mark the edits as patrolled so I no longer have to look at vandalism that he's already undone. Cheers! SpıkeѦ17:46 19-Jun-13

Your fine article has achieved Escape Velocity at VFH but Romartus has pulled back his plan to move it straight to the main page based on my suggestion that we might wait until the American football season actually begins. If you have an opinion either way, I am sure he would follow it. SpıkeѦ13:45 21-Jun-13

That's fine by me, I wasn't going to feature it myself so will leave it up to you guys to decide. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 16:32, June 21, 2013 (UTC)

Romartus is receptive to Shabidoo's idea of Now & Later (incidentally, a brand of taffy that used to be sold in the vicinity of NFL stadia). In fact, as we are down to twice-weekly rotation of the main page and promotion of "nearly featured" stuff from the past that no one is clamoring for, I wouldn't mind if Romartus also interposed more such articles to take advantage of the news of the day faster than VFH can react. The day of the Boston Marathon bombing, for example, we should have trained readers to come here to read an entertaining take on the Pressure Cooker. SpıkeѦ15:42 23-Jun-13

Sounds like a good idea to me. Might even be worth coming up with a set list of articles which can be re-featured on certain significant dates. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 18:46, June 23, 2013 (UTC)

After the reform, this kind of sign will be put on our Main Page but there will be a potato instead of a dog.

As not many articles have been nominated and featured recently, we are here to tell you that the Votes For Highlight system will be changed. From now on, in order to increase quantity (as we already have enough quality), the nominator will be allowed to vote for his article as many times as he wants. To make life even simpler and to have a lot more featured articles, the goal will be only 2 votes per article. In addition to this, votes against will be counted as votes for. Next, as it takes some time to create something of good quality, featured articles with a construction tag will be allowed. Finally, if you do not have any inspiration and force to create anything, you can nominate articles from a page which has a lot of them. The QVFD is very good for this purpose.

This reform has not been applied yet as it is still being tested. If a user disagrees with it, he can vote against it here and his vote will be accepted. This vote is made, as described above. If anyone votes against the changes, this will be counted as a "for".

Uncyclopedians were elated at the sudden return of the Chief Justice. Surely, two months ago the Marriage Counselor must have told the Chief to give up Uncyclopedia as his spouse agreed to give up cocaine and smash-and-grab robberies, but happily, both now seem to have agreed that neither partner was worth the sacrifice. And he is not just administering but writing, most notably American Football. Further proving that things are back to normal, VFH voted the article onto the main page during virtually the only month of the year when no one anywhere is thinking about American Football.

This led to talk that perhaps our main page should feature articles (or re-feature them) at such times as some readers might be thinking of the topic: Shouldn't American Football run again during the opening weekend of American Football? Your correspondent added that, by the next time someone uses a pressure-cooker filled with firecrackers to blow limbs off sports spectators, our readers should be trained to rush to Uncyclopedia to read a Feature Article on Pressure cooker.

This subversive notion, if carried to extremes, might result in the featuring of UnNews articles while the news is still news, as articles could move to the main page without the usual six-week wait for VFH voters to deliberate. Unfortunately, there is no Forum in which to complain.

There is a Forum on some new widgets that youthful Wikia spy Furry has been devising. Those of us patrolling overnight "contributions" needed better ways to swat them away, some even with explanations, or in rare cases mark them Patrolled; and Furry, having never learned that no good deed goes unpunished, confessed in passing that he actually likes writing the tools and might take requests to write additional ones. Furry is armed with JavaScript, a veritable Uncyclopedia remote-control that can change pages without having to reload them, he seems to also have a dog named Ajax, and his inventions are making life simpler. There is no Forum in which to complain about that either.

All the PLS entries are now locked and are being judged with a certain probability. The results (if there are any) will be uncovered on the 4th of July and all of the UnSignpost journalists will definitely be present on the Final Ceremony. Yesterday one of the judges was questioned by the most talented of our reporters. His exact answer to one of our question about the future winners was: "Hmmm... Well... It actually is so, if you get what I mean. Yes, what I was saying was... Well, you know this perfectly well, why are you asking me?". But, even though his speech was very circumlocutory, we have discovered what the truth is and the public will soon get more information about this. What we can tell you right now is that Mr Brown can be congratulated beforehand, as he has written the Best Illustrated Article.

...If it is not here already. Our Newspaper Chief is gone... For two weeks... From UnSignpost.

However, if all the subscribers or the majority of them still receive the new edition this week, then you have another evidence that our Perfect System does not need a Chief Editor to write and deliver news. But, after taking your time to admire all the qualities of Uncyclopedia, we would still suggest to leave a message for the Editors here, just to make sure because everything has an end. All the messages will be accepted but not all of them might be used. Any messages containing less than one line, will be united with any others. This will forcible give an unexpected[ly good] result.

The Right Rev. Dr. P. Pennyfeather has had a long and varied career, including a stint at Wales' leading public school, being a small English village's third most popular clergyman, and the oh-so-popular spell in prison everyone seems to have these days. Recently, he has decided to take things easy, as he really is getting on, and has taken up a part-time job as a pseudonym for a sixth-former in that most illustrious of counties: Derbyshire. His new employer seems rather agreeable really, and no, saying so wasn't a part of the contract. Really. He's not that bad. Anyway, the pay cheques are good, so what does the odd beating and occasional long stretches without daylight matter? When on Uncyclopedia, he doesn't really write that much. Of course, if he did write something it would be an instant feature, but such petty writing is beneath him. Instead, he reads, amends and criticises others' work. He currently runs the Proofreading service.

Please check in and advise new Uncyclopedian on teamwork. SpıkeѦ00:11 30-Jun-13

I have done, it is unfortunate, but I would suggest inevitable if he/she was upset to that extent over minor editing of their work. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 17:42, June 30, 2013 (UTC)

Perhaps, but thanks for making the house call. I suspected that (like Forum:I'm leaving, and it's your fault) she did not deliver that swan song in total disinterest about whether it would have been read. She has returned--but only to blank her contribution, which I reverted, and I assume she read our messages. If she can't participate without having an article on an English city all to herself, during a site-wide reclamation of articles on English cities, then she can't participate. Or...she might reappear some day. SpıkeѦ02:52 1-Jul-13

Abuse Filter news

Proposed User:Despotruler was permabanned by Special:AbuseFilter/13 at 23:38 UTC based on the four-letter word beginning with the fourth letter in his proposed user name. This sorcery is not even mine. SpıkeѦ01:28 2-Jul-13

Ha. I noticed there is an auto filter on anyone calling themselves Scunthorpe. See here:

Number 14 doesn't ban anyone. But the prohibition on any new user name that includes "cum" anywhere is absurd. SpıkeѦ13:16 2-Jul-13

Is there any way a lowly user as I could take a glance (No editing, I'm too scared to mess something up!) at the abuse filter's triggers? I'm just curious. --The Shield of Azunai DSA510My Edits! 18:34, July 2, 2013 (UTC)

Nope. Seven of the Abuse Filters lack "public visibility" because knowledge of their contents would let a user invent a way around them. By the way, we know that you can be tricked into giving up information no matter how sensitive. SpıkeѦ18:49 2-Jul-13

Look, I only go crazy like that when I feel threatened. Otherwise, I'm a pretty trustable guy with info, just dont gang up on me, you big scary admins! :) --The Shield of Azunai DSA510My Edits! 20:16, July 2, 2013 (UTC)

If you don't know where to find the news

The entries for the prestigious 2013 Poo Lit Surprise Awards (PLS) have required an extra order of candles and writing paper for the judges this year. Entries from Uncyclopedia's veteran contributor Modusoperandi, Shabidoo (the dancing banana of 2010), the repentant Sinner George and the avian Flyingbird were up against this year's crop of promising arrivals. Anton199 from Russia with the love of Uncyclopedia, the self-proclaimer ScottPat, and the ordained proofreader the Reverend P. Pennyfeather. Anton was so eager to take part that he also qualified in the Noob category, where his opponent for an award is the gender-neutral Uncycloperson. Two awards can already be sent out, as ScottPat and Anton199 will have to find room on their shelves for the Best Rewrite and Best Collaboration awards. Though they had no competition, they are winners all the way. Your awards will be delivered by chauffeur on the day the other winners are announced.

All this preamble, therefore, is a warning that the judges - Romartus (from 'some way south of London Bridge') and PuppyOnTheRadio - have yet to declare the winners. In the interests of transparency, the decisions will be announced this weekend (6th-7th July) and will explain how they chose the winners. All will be transparent, above-board, and above-lodging, as the hoped-for bribes did not materialise this year - perhaps a first for Poo Lit. So look out for the results, and for those who have made their holiday plans - well, cancel them!

Our last UnSignpost announced that the Chief Justice graced us with what one wag called "an hysteric return" (though writing about something else entirely), as well as, from our best reading of the "mainstream" press, suddenly being given full charge of the country of Egypt in place of the Muslim Brotherhood (pictured).

Is everyone ready for a new forest fire?

If that were not a tall enough order, the Chief has announced a big British clean-up, an effort not only to expand articles beyond the theme that every British town is full of chavs, drunks, and foreigners with turbans, but to propose a regional forest fire of bad articles that will run circles around the sluggish Votes for Deletion process. Unfortunately, the only ones not already in the know were, by virtue of living in Russia or the States, inherently unqualified to assist.

Among Uncyclopedians who actually know something about Britain, Magicrainbowunicorn is resting on his/her/its laurels with Reading, England, the last such article that we slapped on the main page, whereas Dorisdoom had been making progress with Leicester until suddenly discovering she was not alone on the wiki, which spelled Doris's, er, doom. However, as most such swan songs are not sung so as not to be heard, we can hope that both budding new Uncyclopedians will some day see beyond the chance well-intentioned revert and take their places among the greats.

But a more prolific editor has stepped up to the Chief's call. This user, whose various user names all have something to do with killing Britons until we permaban them, had the hilarious concept that all our articles on the United Kingdom be replaced by a single manifesto on how Brits are Satanic progeny, while at the same time being spawned, and also totally gay. Not only is a comedy theme that would span an entire department of Uncyclopedia the most ambitious initiative since Oscar Wilde, this user's single-mindedness and total predictability have prompted innovations in the field of Abuse Filters to ban him without annoying a human being. And, in much less time than it takes him to figure out what portion of his manifesto we are pattern-matching, we can change it.

Our previous little helper has not been stopped but has seen the reward for his efforts eliminated by something that Wikia daintily refers to as "throttling," which is the tidiest euphemism for targeted, total ruin ever devised outside the U.S.Federal Reserve.

This week, to be more exact - today, one user created a lot of problems and headache with a new project. Instead of using the reform suggested in the previous UnSignpost, this user thought that, in order to increase the quantity of good quality articles on VFH, we could possibly transport good featured articles from one Uncyclopedia to another (and back). The project is described and discussed at the "All the uncycs" forum and is about to begin working (or dying). The discussion was so vivid that a peacekeeper had to be called in order to calm everyone down. However, the creator of the forum went even further, created another forum at the fork and almost got banned (the forum there is called "Here, there and everywhere"). Several users have responded and this was the first recorded time in the history of auncyclopedia when anyone tried to break the Berlin Wall in public (unsuccessfully).

Those who are interested in what is happening, can contact the creator on his talk page for details or visit the forum about it. By the way, the project is called "Here, there and everywhere" and, although exactly the same projects but in smaller scales have been held before, its creator pretends that he was the first one to have such an idea.

Although his username is Anton199, everyone (and the user himself) prefers to simply call him "Anton". Nobody knows why he chose such a username, but rumors say that the orginal one got cloned in his early childhood and other 198 Antons surf everywhere else on the Interent, while Anton spends his time on the wiki projects. He is a registered user on Uncyclopedia, the fork, Absurdopedia (the Russian uncyclopedia) and ... Wikipedia, although he has a different username there. But his virtual home is here.

In addition to that, Anton is the person you would most likely contact if you have any questions about Russia (some unknown country next to Ukraine) which he pretends to know well or The Beatles.

Sorry about that, Chief. I was away on a military camp for a week and didn't have time to finish it. Please could I have a copy in my userspace. Sorry to bother you. Thanks. SirScottPat(talk)VFHUnSNotMWotMWotY 17:07, July 6, 2013 (UTC)

I just dropped in...

to say hi, for old times sake. I hadn't written anything for a couple years and now I find there are two Uncyclopedias for reasons no one seems to be able to explain. I can't decide which one to submit my recent spate of shit to. And submitting to both seems a bit desperate for attention.

It is truly splendid to hear from you stout fellow. I'm not going to try and encourage you to give your "shit" to either wiki, the fact that anybody has to decide between two uncyclopedias in the first place makes me feel very old and very tired. I would much rather we were all still together as the dysfunctional family we used to be, but nobody else seems keen. Hope you are well in the real world, send me a link to your articles wherever you decide to post them, I always enjoyed your other work. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 10:12, July 7, 2013 (UTC)

Rollbackz for Anton199

It is painful to watch Anton199 undo individual edits. He is ready for teh Rollbackz, and if he had it, he might also help patrol the site. Cheers! SpıkeѦ14:55 11-Jul-13

"archiving - is it just me who does this these days?"

I archive Ban Patrol, but not immediately after BPC-ing it, as you do, 'cause no one actually goes to the archive to find out what was done with their request, to which I often comment; and leaving a few entries showing (and on QVFD) helps show the proper form to follow. 'Cause no one reads the documentation either.

I see that you reverted all anon's edits, as he made a big deletion. But, even though I don't know anything about Yaoi or anime in general, I still think that his contributions made the article better (i.e. made the tone more encyclopaedic, added humour and jokes, etc.). So do you really want to undo this? Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 18:40, July 11, 2013 (UTC)

I'll be brutally honest, I reverted his contributions to get rid of a gay joke in the early sections justifying the general removal of other content through the already fairly shoddy quality of the article, based on a very quick skim read. If you think the changes add to the article then by all means pop them back in. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 18:45, July 11, 2013 (UTC)

I will look at the article more closely. Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 18:52, July 11, 2013 (UTC)

You know what? After I noticed the gay joke you were talking about, the edits do not seem to me as good anymore. And in addition to this I noticed that he/she write "chenge". So, I guess it is better without them. Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 19:00, July 11, 2013 (UTC)

This edit was one of many this "morning" by 85.96.144.119 on anime. I reverted his edits to L Lawliet but invited him to override me or contact me. I asked DungeonSiegeAddict510 to review all these edits.

Separately, Chief, regarding your tag on Salon.com, Simsie and I discussed this article at length on its talk page. Author gave me more data to read (which I claim is moot) on my talk page. SpıkeѦ19:16 11-Jul-13

Right. Again, what happened (three times now, and to you only) is that two weeks ago I reverted vandalism on your user page. So when I type your user name into the browser search bar, it offers that page as a quick-pick alternative--and with action=edit&section=new already appended, so I don't have to pay to download all the photos and UnSignposts but can proceed directly to the commenting. This is irresistible, and I pick it, without reading it carefully; and if I may dabble in the blame game, your user name is quite long and overwhelms the eyes that might otherwise have distinguished User: from User_talk:. No remedy needed; but there's the reason. And every additional time I make this mistake, the browser raises this alternative in the list, to make it easier to make the mistake in the future. SpıkeѦ13:23 12-Jul-13

PLS edition of UnSignpost with extra poo

Well it has been a great year for PLS in some ways. 8 users contributed to the competition for best article and all articles were of "feature quality" thus making a tough task for Romartus and providing an explanation for the late arrival of the results. The categories of best re-write and best collaboration were very disappointing with only one article contributed for each. Some have speculated that next time PLS is run those categories will be removed.

In the competition for best article, all articles were feature worthy and so it was a choice of which was the best article of the best. In last place was The Ghost Writer (film) by Anton199 on a ghost in a film. It was just beaten by the wonderful Heinz Guderian article from Sinner George about a famous Nazi, which despite being placed highly by Romartus was second to last. Spider Solitaire came next by Simsilikesims who wrote about a very annoying computer game. Placed fifth was Free hugs written by Shabidoo on people trying to give out free hugs. In fourth place was a wonderful article from one of our not so regular users, Flyingbird called PRISM, about the US internet security project.

In the Noob article category there were two contestants. Runner-up was Moondog by Uncycloperson, one of our very new members, who wrote about a Viking hobo's life and in first place was Jane Marple and posted to us from the KGB with kind regards from Putin, written by Anton199, about an old woman who is a ninja in disguise. Congratulations to both.

Best re-write was won by ScottPat who wrote Checkpoint Charlie and faced a real Cold War with no opponent to stand against him. Best collaboration was Cossacks jointly written by Anton199 and ScottPat. Yet again no opposition faced them but then "you have to be in it to win it!" so congratulations to them both.

All-in-all the competition was summed up in Puppy's own words: "People shouldn't write so goodly - it makes it harder for us judges to judge them. Any delays in completing judgmentalisation are the fault of all entrants. And Modus is a smelly poo poo head."

The PLS is done and our Votes For Highlight page has already three more entries in one day with 22 entries and 9 different nominators all in all. The topics of articles vary and the person who will go there in order to vote, will certainly find a theme that he is interested in. There are, for instance three HowTos, two UnScripts, two UnNews and one UnBook. Three other articles talk about something beginning with the letter "A" (and one even has three capital As at the same time) and knowing that one of the best-known Uncyclopedia articles is "AAAAAAAA", these ones will certainly be featured...one day. With the rich choice of themes, such as military (Italian Tanks), military history (Uncyclopedian), famous military leaders (The Last King of Scotland) and military countries (Ukraine), there is even one essay about the qualities and defects of a 20th century vacuum-cleaner (Henry).

The situation is still not very stable and, although Cap'n Crunch is currently more popular than the Atheist Alliance of America, everything can change in a minute if there are enough voters. And looking only at the VFH scores, it becomes obvious that there are more people who want to know about the best way of taming six-legged lame men, than there are those, who are willing to walk on Saturn and (even less) wanting to acquire car insurance). Does this mean that the emigration of Earthlings to Saturn is not very significant and the amount of car crushes is being reduced? It is up to you whether to go to the VFH page and figure it out or to keep on reading this issue of UnSignpost which might not be as informative.

Another point to be brought up is the question of VFP. Is this still running? People contribute to it although an image hasn't been featured in ages. UnSignpost wishes that everyone addresses the situation and helps keep this part of our site running to commend our wonderful artists.

Uncyclopedia offends Gandhi
If the British Empire didn't offend Gandhi enough then Uncyclopedia have gone a step further. Aditseth03 expressed outrage at the Gandhi article as it offended his beloved hero: "I AM A INDIAN AND MAHATMA GANDHI [MOHANDAS KARAMCHAND GANDHI] MANY ABUSIVE WORDS ARE BEEN USED FOR HIM AND HE IS LIKE A GOD FOR INDIANS SORRY BUT REMOVE IT." Unfortunately our good Indian friend has not read the rules of Uncyclopedia and perhaps does not realise that this website only offends for comedy purpose. If the article is offensive and not funny then some action must be taken. Perhaps a call to arms is needed to proofread the article to check that it is humorous and not just randomnly offensive.

Schamschi wants to restore an article deleted in 2010 by VFD to a version earlier than that nominated. I concur, on my talk page, and agreed that the restored edition should be reunited with its change history (and an explanation of the restoration) but I cannot tell how to restore the change history of the deleted article. SpıkeѦ19:26 14-Jul-13

PS--Never mind. Apparently I should have read the Move Log as well as the Huff Log; Schamschi seems to be in possession of the page's real change history. SpıkeѦ14:39 15-Jul-13

Autopatrolled

As Spike posted a message to you about giving me rollbacks, I think it is you to whom I should address myself. Could you, please, make V V I P autopatrolled? He writes articles, votes on VFH and VFD and will never vandalize anything? Thanks. Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 11:04, July 16, 2013 (UTC)

V V I P is no vandal. I had delayed giving him rollbacks because he is very foreign and I thought his edits still merit a second look for issues such as grammar, which was my opinion for a long time on Anton. We might as well give V V I P the rights, to make Anton's patrolling easier. (In other words, Anton would simply approve V V I P's edits anyway so it might as well be automatic!) SpıkeѦ11:45 16-Jul-13

Sorry for the USP

I am sorry but the new format of the UnSignpost makes the content box and the edit buttons of the talk page disappear. Therefore, I am removing it for a while and will bring it back when these issues are fixed. But you can still read this issue at UnSignpost/20130810. Thank you for your patience! Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 10:52, August 13, 2013 (UTC)

Problems, considering the UnSignpost

I don't know if you are going to return here again or not but if you care about what we are delivering to you, please, see this forum and vote if you can! Your opinion is very important! Anton(talk)Uncyclopedia United 17:08, August 19, 2013 (UTC)