Why are there Teddy Bears Dressed as Other Animals? It’s creepy and perverted. Isn’t it enough to be a stuffed bear, for chrissake?!?? Does it have to be a bear and a frog at the same time? I’d like to have witnessed the unfortunate copulation that resulted in such a freakish toy.

Even in these Hallowed Halls

Oh, it began innocently enough; 25 women of assorted ages sitting around in the shade, drinking iced tea and ginger punch, talking about placentas and labor and baby names, idly poking at the pink and blue balloons that threatened to embed themselves in our cake frosting with the breeze.

Then it all started to slowly fall apart, marching us blindly towards the demise of all that is good and wholesome. Tilting us ever closer to the brink.

Teddy Bears Dressed as Other Animals had found us ... even here, in the very heart of wholesomeness: the Sunday afternoon baby shower.

Gaze, if you can bear it, upon the horror.

Teddy Bear in Bunny Rabbit's clothing;The devil's own minion.

And then, as if to mock our pain, this monstrosity emerged:

Monkey Parts Embedded in a Blanket.

I don't know about you, but I know a certain someone who would be deeply unsettled by these images. For starters, the little simian body is literally divided into three pieces:

(1) The head-torso portion(2) The legs-abdomen portion(3) The rear-end-tail portion (see it again!):

Second -- Do you mean to tell me that somebody actually means to wrap the impressionable and trusting little body of an infant in this depravity?

You see my friends, we must be vigilant. We cannot rest for a fraction of an instant in our quest to protect the world from the encroachment of these evils.

Keep your eyes peeled, and alert me immediately of any further incidents.