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Make Like It’s Whacky Tobacky

I was shopping with my sister in an outlet mall in South Florida, some posh place with things outside the price range of normal mortals. Mostly, I waited outside or just stared out into the ether. It was a weird time in my life when I didn’t have much going on besides waiting outside and staring out into nothing.

This older man was with his wife, probably doing the same thing as me. He gave me a sympathetic look. Then, he looked right into my eyes and said, “You desperately need an adventure!”

I looked back at him and said, “I could say the same thing for you. It seems like you need an adventure too.”

“So, what’s it going to be, then, youngster?” he asked.

“I don’t know, what you got?”

He fumbled around in his pocket and brought out what I thought was a big fat joint.

I looked around to see if anyone had noticed. A few people looked back curiously, but no one stopped.

“Where would we smoke it?” I asked.

“I’m tired of walking. Can’t move fast at my age. I say we smoke this thing right here.”

Now, I was searching around frantically for mall security guards.

“It’s just a hand-rolled cigarette. It just looks like it’s the good stuff. But I suggest we smoke it like it’s wacky tobacky and see what happens.”

He lit it up and took a drag and then passed it to me.

“What do I do if my readers have no idea what to do with this story?”

The old man looked at me, pretending to be slightly stoned. “Well, if they need an adventure as bad as you and me, tell them to print it out, go to a popular outlet mall and make like it’s whacky tobacky.”