14 Things That Are Only Socially Acceptable in the Summer

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1. Day drinking. Sitting outside with a 12-pack in the middle of winter is alcoholism. Burning through six mojitos in an hour while you're on your deck in the middle of the summer is just enjoying the weather.

2. Bucket hats. These shouldn't be acceptable unless you're marooned on a desert island and the ship that marooned you there was carrying nothing but bucket hats, but sun protection is so hot right now.

3. Wearing shorts into the office. Office shorts let you feel like you're on an all-expenses-paid cruise when you're really working in your office, earning just enough money to keep your disgusting husk of a body alive even as you slide ever closer to the horrifying chasm of death. Boy, is it hot out!

4. Mandals. Summertime is when you will see the toenails of every dude you know, especially if he's a dad, for some reason. You never see a man's toenails in the colder months. Ever.

5. Cargo shorts. As Jonah Hill so eloquently put it in Superbad, "No one's gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since 'Nam." But hey, no one's lost their keys in a pair of cargo shorts since ever.

6. Tank tops. Even for a woman, winter tank tops are douchey. There's no way you're so hot you couldn't wear sleeves. It's 34 degrees outside.

7. Anything with the word "YOLO" on it. You don't YOLO in the winter unless you live in Australia.

8. Being tan. If no one has seen the sun in three weeks and you're Snooki Tan, you are either a magician, someone who recently came back from vacation, or someone who fake bakes.

9. Playing cornhole. This is a game pretty much designed to be played with one hand so you can drink with the other. But there is no one out there who loves cornhole so much that they're like, "We gotta bust this thing out while there's a foot of snow on the ground."

10. Napping in public. In the summer, it's tough to tell the difference between a drifter and a twentysomething who had a combination of too much sun and bottomless Bloody Mary pitchers at lunch. Both can be found napping on a blanket in broad daylight.

11. Smelling like sunscreen all the time. If you smell sunscreen in the winter, you're probably having a stroke. If you smell sunscreen in the summer, it just means you're near someone who cares about not getting skin cancer.

12. Being soaking wet. If it's the middle of summer, you probably just got out of the pool. If it's the middle of winter, what the hell, man?

13. Oversize sunglasses. It is a scientific fact that it's very sunny in the summer, which means you need bigger sunglasses to protect your eyes. This is not about being cool. Well, it's kind of about being cool.

14. Listening to Will Smith's "Miami." If you have ever listened to this song on purpose when it was below freezing outside, you are a sociopath.