21.2.09

Escape

Yes, I finally managed my escape.

For those yet unfamiliar with this story, two mysterious primate-like creatures staged a surprise ambush on me in mid February. They burst into Morristown high school about 14:00EST brandishing nets and large signs foreboding my departure for Argentina. After a clever decoy in which they danced like fools before the departing high school busses, they apprehended me and quickly forced me onto their futuristic space mobile. There, they subjected me to strange tests involving toenail clippers and Radon gas, and tried to deter me from my Argentine destination.

They played compelling propaganda footage demonstrating the dangers of South American travel (unsafe public transportation, vicious animals like tigers, deranged tango-dancers, vortexes, and dulce de leche, to name just a few). For a time I felt shackled, physically and mentally, to my fate never to leave New Jersey.

But then I discovered my opportunity.

As the gorillas were shaving in their high-tech bathroom, I noticed a large red button in the spacecraft navigation room. The button read as follows:

[do not push]

To make a long story short, I pushed the button. The spacecraft rumbled and shook, there was a sharp white light, and the vehicle was no more. The shaving apes surged into high orbit, cursing my cunning and ingenuity. Fortunately, my location on the airship at the point of explosion was such that I was hurled downward towards earth. I crashed into the sidewalk just outside of JFK international airport. I stood up, grabbed my passport, and walked though the double automatic doors.

So in case anyone was wondering, that's how I did it. That's how I got to Argentina.