Wednesday, September 28, 2005

So as for writing: I've got these two short stories I've been writing for quite awhile. One's kind of done only maybe not really because it's deeply flawed in regards to pacing, and by extension, characterization, as the pacing falls apart when I can't meditate on the character's beliefs for a long enough period of time. This is a story called Erica Bleeds and it's one of my traditional modern short stories that are very "I like Raymond Carver and want to be literary" and I try to have it be narrated from a first-person female perspective. Only she's really fucked-up in certain ways that probably seem like a cop-out to avoid writing straightforward female characters, but that was not my intention at all. Anyway. I don't know if it's done or not. If anyone wants to read it, and then tell me whether or not it works or if it's deeply flawed, that would be cool. No one is going to take me up on this offer, as no one ever does. Even though "it works" vs. "it seems broken" isn't really hard. Although yeah fuck it honestly I think I know it's broken. I don't know how to fix it besides letting it sit around my hard drive for awhile until I have more stuff to say in this character's voice. Which is unlikely.

Then there's "Reviewing The Dailies" a short story more experimental in nature that I've been working on since April probably, and I could probably just dive into and just write and write and add some words to it and boom it would be done but I'm mostly uninspired and unmotivated.

Then there's two novels. Both in the very early stages. One of which I'm excited about, the other of which is an idea I've had for awhile. I was waiting until the short stories were done to do the novel bit, which I guess I gave up on due to feeling more inspired by this stuff, if for no other reason than the fact that new ideas are forever appealing. Those new ideas are brilliant, let me tell you. The same issue nonetheless persists for these as that of Erica Bleeds, that of needing more stuff for the voices to discuss and to keep it in the voice and oh yeah I mostly don't know where I'm going with this stuff. So basically when those short stories are done (because they're good, Erica Bleeds is good, inherently, at some level, if only as a platonic ideal in my mind, I like what it's doing and what it's about and think it's saying something that kind of matters, and if I can bullshit enough filler, it will work, basically, so I'm not saying it's done yet, although I would like to and it's closer to being done than it ever has been before- it can be read from beginning to end now, with no glaring plot holes, there's just a really fucking weird emphasis on the narrative on shit that doesn't matter at all- the majority of what exists so far is the first section, which is basically characters bullshitting and being filthy shit-talkers, and the main reason it's so long is because such things are really easy to write, whereas insight and internal monologue are way fucking harder, especially as such things need to exist as a way of alluding sideways to a thing which is the key to the story and the character- it's tricky is what I'm saying.) I will go into these novels with vigor. They will take up my time and energy, although the amount of time and energy I devote to any kind of writing is lacking.

Oh and then there's two movies. One's a thing I hope to start shooting fucking soon, and I don't really have a screenplay, just a loose structure and an idea for approach. Yeah. Said approach doesn't really require a screenplay, in my mind. Anyway. The other's a screenplay for a comedy, an idea I got really excited for over the summer, and I know the next couple plot beats but I don't know how to play them for MAXIMUM HILARITY.

Basically pretty much all my shit is stalled for the same reasons, i.e. my lack of insight, coupled with laziness. These are the trials you face when you try for more than strict autobiography.