So…… As I’ve made my world smaller and smaller….. Eliminating any possibility for misunderstanding, for manipulation. I created a safety net over the interweb via forums, youtube, blog (❤), netflix and a hand full of apps (for the distraction).

As the entity “turns down” in presumable volume (don’t smoke weed unless you want the alien turn up), I find again that nagging negativity. Something as simple as negative feelings towards people in forums (with no real reason…. a “I don’t like your face” feeling) or being steered from reading or listening to things I find interesting. Say for instance studying dimensions…. I saw a video I found interesting (me) clicked on it and then instantly became tired (not me). But some how have the energy to write this post. I understand the subtle ways in which this entity tries to mess with me…. Can’t say I catch all of them… Food and cigs seem normal…. But the thought pattern does not. This goes the same for many other “streams of thought”. And I get to end of it and I’m like HUH?!

While this Entity makes fun of me for not being able to go to school/ finishing school. I am unable to engage in my areas of interest let alone some boring text book.

Stuck in this meditative state….. A walking coma.

Its very obvious but to what extent?

If this was some pseudo psychological shadow work bla bla bla, then why would my mind (shadow self) have the power to make me feel fake sleepy? How do you turn it off?

If this is about the power of thought of the mind, why am I unable to insight the same sensations (local buzz, burn, breeze, emotions ect) or even counter act it?