Saturday, December 27, 2008

This past Wednesday, Christmas Eve, Keiko and I spent the night at her Daddy/the ex(?)/boyfriend's house (that was our house two months ago). It was a good couple of days. We talked over Hen, Chinese food, and Pop Secret. Keiko acted a damn fool. LOL. We ate, then drank, got drunk, he and his sister got hilarious, then solemn. He ended up understanding my reasoning behind "the break", by Christmas Day. Funny, for as long as we've known each other (seven years), stuff keeps coming... It just seems like we would've knocked all of that out by now. But I'm learning that that's not how it works...

Keiko got sooo much crap that she'll probably play with for a couple weeks and retire. Then revisit.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Okay, so I really wanted to name this post "Nigg@ I'm Obsessed With" (Malice, the one in the front, is like, one of the finest muh fuckers in the rap game! Ooh. I've always thought that.), but dudes read this blog sometimes and I figured I should provide something that would interest them as well. LOL. I've been loving the Clipse since the start, my homie calls them the "ultimate shit talkers". You gotta love 'em though. Here's the newest mix from these dudes. All the true fans already have this downloaded.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Heard this on the newest Drake mix that I downloaded the other day. I don't really know why I like this song, but I can't get it out of my head (smile). He's from Toronto too, and defines his genre as Alternative Pop, but he gets respect from the rappers (just like Mr. Mayer). He blew up when he dropped his version of "Flashing Lights" in January of this year. Here's some more info for him at Vibe.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

So, tonight as I was riding up I-85 from Buckhead, my beloved Maxima overheated. I'd been working since 10 a.m. and ended up stranded on the highway at 3:30 a.m.. I'm pretty resourceful, and my dad's a mechanic so, I grabbed my flashlight and a jug of water from the trunk and did the radiator thing. Then my fucking battery died. I HAD to laugh and shake my head. I called for help & once help arrived & all was situated, I checked my cell out of habit & saw that my homie D. called & apparently left a text AND a voice message. This was odd, because we never speak after a certain time. Anyways, I read the text and it reads verbatim: "Don't fuckin call my man anymore Bitch!!!!!!!" Yes, with all the exclamation points and everything. LMAO.

Y'all already know the state of mind I'm currently in: just left my kid's dad because I felt like I was being resented. Once I left, I found that a lot of my reasons for leaving were because of my inner need to accomplish certain things. These were feelings that I'd actually projected onto him. I need to understand me and why I can be really hard on myself a lot of times. So far, in doing this, I've found that my relationship with my mom is a major factor. Working on that. I'm also thinking of going a different direction with the "9-5", as well as starting to take the initiative (yet again) to carry out my ideal goal of writing for a living. In general, I've been trying to be more positive minded and stick to my decision to leave the love of my life in hopes that I'll find myself (corny right?) and find him again. I know he's dealing with new chicks for the physical, but I don't have any desire to date right now. And I'm fine with that.

So imagine my surprise at the gall of this girl. I text: "Who's this?" but I'm thinking, "D. gotta be fucking with me. He just told me the whole situation with this girl the other day." Apparently ol' girl stayed the night a couple weeks ago and went through his phone when he was asleep. Texts were sent, voice messages were left, chaos ensued. LOL. So she answered: "D's girlfriend!!!" I was so shocked, but the words came so easy: "Oh. YOU the crazy one he told me about... LOL. You funny. And if D. wasn't my homie and that alone, I'd locate you and bust your head open for calling me out my name. Talk to your man, you fucking bird, while you're texting me @ 3 a.m." With all the real shit I'm going through, I almost cried laughing! I really coulda crushed her world too, and told her, her whole background as described by D. himself. If she only knew how that dude talks about her- AND the rest of 'em.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

What the hell is it with these U.K. experimental cuts making their way into U.S. commercials? I love it! This is the joint from the Adidas Originals commercial with Jeezy, DMC, Red, Meth, Missy and Estelle. "Beggin'" originally was a mid-1960s hit by American group Frank Valli and the Four Seasons (LOL @ the "Four Seasons". How corny!), but the Pilooski cat remixed it last year. His Myspace reads "Italian Pop/ Psychedelic", but it also claims Paris as his home. *shrugs shoulders* Eh, whatever. This is dope.

So now what? That's what I've basically been asking myself for the better part of a month. Life keeps going, although you may feel like shit is faltering all around you. You're not ready to accept certain things until you're not left with any other option. The BIG thing though is persevering right? It's not like it's just me. I have to get right for Keiko.

Is that shit supposed to be this hard though? Confusion, frustration, just a general sense of loss? Is this normal? Could there be a way to just forget that you ever felt this strongly for someone- ever? Work was so hard today. I'm mad I'm even admitting all this. I didn't want to sit at home, but by the time I got to work, I didn't want to be there either, outside of the money of course (smile). I'm prepared to put the big plan into action though, I'm sure that it'll be enough to take my mind offa this dude. He's dating, but I'm not ready for that shit. I know I'm not. This time I took from him was supposed to be for myself, but I feel like the longer I stay to myself, the more I'll only think of him. And he's not soley thinking of me- right? I don't know. Everything is just too much.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Ever since the first time I saw the Nikey "Chalk" commercial a couple days ago, I'd been jonesin' to hear this song at my leisure. I effin' LOVE it! Shout to Dres the Beatnik for putting me on to the details...

I couldn't catch a leak on this song for nada a couple months ago! And I sooo needed one. I love this joint. And I'm glad he did this video for it. The game is crazy now where you can really take your marketing to YouTube and let it ride...

Friday, December 5, 2008

I let myself slip the other day. I let my situation leave my train of thought for a second and found myself hoping for something that was irrational and unreasonable. And I could kick myself.

Chilled with the ex all day Thursday. We sat in the house and watched movies, ate nothing but candy, popcorn and nachos while Keiko played with her aunt. I think my mistake was listening too closely and forgetting that I did have a plan when I left. And I need to live with the fact that I did leave. And if he's not there by the time I'm done with my plan, that shit was my decision... He asked if I'd been dating the other day and I told him 'no', but maybe I should.