Tag Archives: anxiety

I have been struggling for a while. It seems like some days are very dark. Snappy and snarky comebacks are my friend regardless of the context of the conversation. So I approached my doctor about it. I talked to her about: Insomnia – the lack of ability to sleep. Loneliness. – feeling alone, yet needing to be alone and preferring the isolation that comes with being a disabled stay-at-home dad even though I spend a lot of time advocating for others and supporting families. Anxiety. – I don’t know how to describe the overwhelming panic, the racing heart, the rapid thoughts and their impact on life. Fear. – of my son. and that he might attack me with a shovel again. Memory issues. – forgetting things, remembering things that didn’t happen… conversation issues. So I am not crazy. Not in the traditional sense. I underwent a battery of tests with

I title this post “The Hard Decision” because we have had to make a difficult decision. We made the decision to not bring David home on pass. An expert in David’s disorder has recommended for safety reasons that David not come home. So we have made the decision to refuse passes. At 15, as much as the facility would try to have us believe otherwise, David just doesn’t care. I doubt that anyone at the facility has any idea just how difficult it is to do something like this. We have anguished about this decision since the recommendation first came from the doctor. If David was the only one we were concerned about, it would be a no-brainer to us, and we would bring him home all the time on pass. But without support at home, we just can’t put everyone at risk that way. Put aside your fear We

I find that the stress is getting to me. I am losing weight, in part because of the stress. My Lupus is active, something I strive to put at rest so that I can live as full a life as possible. When my Lupus is active, I lose weight. The Lupus causes all manner of issues with my health. I am not sleeping at night as well as I should be. The difficulty comes from not being able to turn off my brain. From constantly wondering “what happens next?” I am not up for any parent of the year awards, but I know darn well that I am not the world’s worst parent either. I am struggling to understand why these things are happening to us. I don’t know, but in the end, I believe that I can take solace in the fact that we are doing the best that