I still have a ways to go. But I thought it might be time to take stock because the weight itself doesn’t take the full measure of the change in me:

I am off caffeine.

I am 95% off sugar. The sugars I do have are honey, organic sugar cane, agave nectar and sucanut. They don’t seem to affect me the same way that white sugar does. Of course, I may have to take a closer look at the organic sugar cane. But I’ll get there.

I drink Green Smoothies on a fairly regular basis. Yes, I put leafy greens in a blender and then drink it.

I take all my supplements almost without fail instead of a half week at a time, and then abandonment for two months.

My brain is working better. Less brain fog.

My constant headaches are gone.

I have more energy.

I put on a pair of rather unforgiving non-stretch denim shorts that had been lost in the back of my closet and not only do they fit, but the waist is loose. Denim Victory Dance. The sweetest kind.

My cardio fitness is improved. My pulse rate comes down quicker than it did before.

I can jog for 2 miles or half an hour. I can do 2 miles in 28 minutes, 20 seconds. Not exactly world record material, but relative to me, a big accomplishment.

Things that do not work for me:

Weight loss programs. Not Jenny Craig, not Weight Watchers, not U Factor. I know they work for some people but they do not work for me. I’m not saying these programs are bad. They’re not. They just don’t work for me. Because for me it’s not the knowledge of how to eat, it’s my own resistance to staying in the process that trips me up. And these programs are designed to work through resistance in a very non-specific to me way. What can I say? People vary.

Goals. I know this is counter-intuitive but goals like losing 10 pounds for the high school reunion, or the Christmas party, or to get into that outfit that’s too small for me. Does not work for me. When someone hands me that sheet that says SMART goals at the top, I break out into a sweat. The only way they’re good for for me is getting me into my cardio zone. I don’t think SMART goals work for right brain people. Someone should do a study.

Focusing only on the mechanics — what and how much I’m eating, how much and how hard I’m working out. It works for me for a while, but not long enough.

Things that do work for me:

A naturopath with a truly holistic approach and a specialty in weight loss. I really love my new naturopath. Not only is he knowledgeable (like any doctor should be), but he’s got this endearing combination of qualities–curiousity, acceptance, gentleness, kindness, and compassion that is exactly what I need. And sometimes he’s all about the mechanics and sometimes he’s all about the woo-woo which brings me to my next point.

Balancing the work in the hard with the work in the soft. And what I mean by that is in the hard is the practical stuff like making sure there are fresh vegetables in the refrigerator. The soft is the stuff that on the face of it shouldn’t matter but really does like I put on weight when I’m stressed, not necessarily because of eating (although that can play into it) but because my body’s stress reaction is to put on weight. So, I need to find ways to metabolize stress instead of hanging on to it.

Dealing with the mental piece, particularly delving into the reasons behind my resistance to acting in my own best interests. Again, the naturopath has been a huge part in sorting out that piece of this puzzle.

I will say that the only pre-packaged method that’s worked me has been The Coach Approach at my gym. It really helped transform my exercise into a habit/lifestyle thing, particularly getting on FitLinxx. I am very proud to report that I am in the 99 percentile for women in my age bracket at my gym. Meaning that I am usually in the top 10 or 20 people in terms of my fit points earned–in June in fact, I was number 2! That is a good feeling. FitLinxx reports to me that since I joined in September 2008, I have logged 12,156 minutes of cardio, lifted 618,456 pounds and burned 71,659 calories.

My Accountability Coach at Dream Garden Coaching who was able to tell that the real goal wasn’t weight loss but returning to my artist. She too, has been instrumental in keeping me in the process.

Taking up tap dancing. Moving in a way I like is important.

The phrase “Living in Alignment” has helped a lot. Eating and moving in a way that my body likes instead of filling it with poison and stagnation and then blaming my body for feeling bad. Give my body what it wants. ( But don’t let addiction do the talking.

Where SMART Goals don’t work for me, visualizations do. Creating that mental picture that captures why I’ m doing this and then holding on to that picture creates forward movement for me.

Things that I want to give more focus in the next year

CONSCIOUSNESS. This is huge. Do you know how attractive unconsciousness can be sometimes? Check-out. Go on automatic pilot. Don’t have to work so hard at something. Rest. Relax. So, yes, bringing awareness into the process is important.

Interaction with the resistance. Why do I want that fudge now? What is it I’m really needing? Because food can sometimes be a shadow comfort for me. The thing I go to when I’m avoiding the pursuit of my real dreams because they’re currently terrifying me.

Making peace with vegetables. We may need a peace summit at Camp David. But I want them to return to just being vegetables and not a barometer of my worth as a person and a mother.

Feeding my artist on a daily basis.

I want to get to being able to jog a 12-minute mile and be able to jog for an hour or more at a time.

I am still wrestling with reflux and the resulting sore throats, so I need to bring more attention to that. Don’t worry, I’m seeing real doctors, but I’m trying to see if there’s any way to fix this without being on a 40 mg dose of Nexxum daily.

WELCOME TO MY PRECARIOUSLY BALANCED UNIVERSE…

...in which I ask important questions like "If I'm the centre of the universe, why don't I get my way more often?" and "What if the laws of the universe are merely suggestions?" and of course the key questions, "Have you subscribed? How will I know you like me if you don't?"