chuck7 = 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

chuck8 = A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

chuck9 = A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

chuck10 = A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

chuck11 = A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is \"Charles\". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

chuck12 = A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

chuck13 = A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying \"Betcha can't eat just one!\" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.

chuck14 = A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.

chuck16 = A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer

chuck17 = According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

chuck18 = According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

chuck19 = According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American \"Trail of Tears\" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

chuck20 = After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.

chuck21 = After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said \"of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?\"

chuck22 = Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.

chuck23 = All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.

chuck24 = Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

chuck25 = An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

chuck26 = Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.

chuck27 = Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined \"victim\" as \"one who has encountered Chuck Norris\"

chuck28 = As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

chuck29 = As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.

chuck30 = As President Roosevelt said: \"We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.\"

chuck31 = Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

chuck32 = Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

chuck39 = Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

chuck40 = Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

chuck41 = Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.

chuck42 = Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

chuck43 = Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

chuck44 = Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

chuck45 = Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.

chuck68 = Chuck Norris did not \"lose\" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

chuck69 = Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

chuck70 = Chuck Norris does not \"style\" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

chuck71 = Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.

chuck72 = Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.