Hold Me Tight

Today Tracy shares a recommendation for a book that can help couples reconnect in times of discontent:

“In my practice as a clinical psychologist, my clients often asked for book recommendations. It’s a rare book that is accessible enough and/or leaves me comfortable enough with the message it sends that I’m happy to recommend it to clients. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love is different, however.Written by Dr. Sue Johnson, the pioneer in the field of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), this book is meant to help couples understand themselves, each other, and their interactions better so that they can have a fulfilling, life-long partnership that is gratifying, satisfying, and secure.

Dr. Johnson’s work is centered on the theory of attachment. Long thought of as an issue between babies and children and their parents, Dr. Johnson had a stunning realization during a conversation with a colleague: adult love relationships are about attachment, too. In much the same way a 9-month-old baby experiences distress when disconnected from a primary caregiver (a.k.a. “separation anxiety”), adults also feel anxiety, and even panic, when they feel their needs for connection are not being met in their relationship with romantic partners. In essence, what we are asking our lovers is, “Are you there for me?”

Hold Me Tight is a book I don’t hesitate to recommend to my clients who feel they need to work on their relationships because it is written in such a clear, concise, and coherent manner. Dr. Johnson manages to explain in easy to understand language -- free of almost any hint of jargon -- how to get to the heart of your relationship struggles. Full of examples from her years of clinical work and bolstered by scientific evidence from her research, this book can help couples to see past the “fight” to the underlying issues that keep them from feeling truly safe, truly loved, and truly present in their relationship. Dr. Johnson discusses the “demon dialogues” that get couples stuck, ways to work through them, and how to maintain the enormously rewarding connection you can establish by reading this book.”