Love Lessons From The Kabbalah

Love Lessons From The KabbalahMadonna and Guy, Demi and Ashton...some say a mystical belief system showed them how to find their perfect match. Here’s what you need to know to do the same.
By Amy Spencer

he Kabbalah: You’ve probably heard of it thanks to the red-bracelet-sporting celebs who’ve embraced it of late. Granted, this mystical sect of Judaism may be just a passing pop-star fad rather than an accepted, mainstream religion. But its famed couple followers seem so darn happy with each other, we had to wonder: Could the Kabbalah be a key factor? After some deep talks with experts and followers, we found that Kabbalah does offer some pretty wise relationship advice. Such as...

Lesson #1: There is such a thing as a soul mate. And not just one. According to the Kabbalah, every soul is split in two upon creation. And since souls reincarnate, your one-and-only could either be the other half of your own soul or someone else’s you’ve canoodled in a past lifetime. “You know that feeling you get when you’ve just met someone but feel like you’ve known them for years?” says Bob Waxman,

“We believe we all come into this world from a past lifetime, and it is up to us to erase the negative experiences we’ve previously had.”

founder of the Kabbalah Education Network in Florida. That’s your soul talking. “In the first 15 minutes of meeting someone, your soul will tell you, like a little Geiger counter, if this might be your beshert, The One that is meant to be,” says Waxman. So, don’t waste your time if you’re not into them after date #1 or even your first beer.

Lesson #2: We can all use a little red-string reminder. What is it about that little red-string bracelet that made more red carpet appearances than Tara Reid? Karen Berg, author of the upcoming book, God Wears Lipstick, explains: “It’s a reminder that what goes around comes around, and that what you put into something is what you get back,” she says. Short version: Blow off your next boring date with a big white lie, and don’t be surprised when the Kabbalah karma comes back someday.

Lesson #3: There’s a reason you keep falling for the same type. “We believe we all come into this world from a past lifetime, and it is up to us to erase the negative experiences we’ve previously had,” says Berg. Kabbalists call the correction we have to make tikune—and until you do it, you’ll continue your lovelorn pattern, like, say, falling for people who are emotionally unavailable. To make your correction, you need to recognize that “the purpose of relationships is to help us get to our destination,” explains Berg. So, once you realize you’re stuck on Mr. or Mrs. Unavailable to avoid the risk of exposing yourself to true love, you can get over them and move onward and upward.

Lesson #4: Women are here to help men see the light. Mom always said girls mature faster, right? Kabbalah concurs, believing that women achieve their correction sooner than men do. “Women are born with tremendous spiritual power, whereas men must earn theirs,” says Berg. “Women are endowed with a special responsibility. We are here to help our men with their correction.”

But anyone who’s seen American Pie has to wonder: Does this leave some women waiting eons for her soul mate to catch up? Sort of, explains Berg. In fact, sometimes a woman waits so long that she might even "be put into a relationship with someone else until her soul mate is ready for her." So ladies, don’t be surprised if that guy from your past who couldn’t commit comes knocking one day begging for you to take him back.

“A couple can’t just sit around and watch TV together and hope their relationship grows deeper.”

explains Waxman, whovs also the author of The Kabbalah Simply Stated. Whether your passion is snowboarding, writing songs or studying philosophy, Kabbalah teaches that youvll only meet your soul mate among like-minded people. “When youvre attracted to someone who enjoys similar pursuits, youvre experiencing a connection based on the ruach nature of your soul, which is based on your emotions, feelings and beliefs,” says Waxman. “When youvre attracted to someone at a bar, you’re relying on the nefesh part of your soul, which is an attraction based on physicality.” And while chemistry’s a good thing, it’s not the sole basis for a long-term relationship. “We’re divine beings, so we should use the higher ruach aspects of ourselves to find love.”

Lesson #6: Don’t upset the exes. “Many times we date someone and decide we’re better as friends, but Kabbalah believes that person might be a portal to someone you’re supposed to hook up with,” says Waxman. In other words, don’t burn that bridge—you may well want to date your exes’ friends! And while we’re all digging through our portals’ network of friends, let’s make a pact to recycle the good rejects to our own pals.

Lesson #7: Check your ego at the door to find true love. Remember: love is not a contest. “My wife and I are in the same business and we can get competitive with each other,” says Andy Behrman, 42. But thanks to Kabbalah, Behrman and his wife made a pact: They don’t talk about work at home, ever, to avoid pitting their energies against each other. Berg seconds the notion: “Kabballah thinks of couples as a north pole and south pole. Both poles are independent, but they need the other to spin. A true relationship has to be like that: Two people who are totally capable of standing on their own two feet, but working together, they have 10 times the strength.”

Lesson #8: Want a soul mate relationship? Put your soul in it. “There is a Jewish law forbidding the destruction of a fruit-bearing tree,” explains Berg in God Wears Lipstick. What this tree symbolizes in terms of relationships, she says, is that you’ll only have a strong relationship when you get out of “me, me, me” mode and satisfy your soul by unconditional sharing and creating something that gives back. “A couple can’t just sit around and watch TV together and hope their relationship grows deeper,” says Berg, “They need to ask themselves, ‘What are we going to do to create something greater in the world than it was before?’” Talk about higher love—the Kabbalah’s got it covered.

Amy Spencer writes for Glamour and Maxim, among others. She says if all the Kabbalah guys are as cute as Guy Ritchie, she needs a red-string bracelet, pronto.