Sports Gossip: The Monday Morning Couch Potatoes

Fellas, the "Monday Morning Couch Potatoes" feel your pain. We understand that sometimes in life, you have to make sacrifices. We've all been there before. Spent Saturday night watching Chicken Little with the lady instead of at the bar with the boys? Picked the kids up from the dance recital instead of watching the big game? It's okay. It happens. That's where we come in.

At the start of every week, the "Monday Morning Couch Potatoes" (Peter Schrager and Adam Weinberg) will fill you in on the important things you missed while trying to pretend like you really care about all the other stuff in your life. Each Monday, you will wake up with an up-to-date summary of all the vital (and worthless) things you might have missed in the past week of sports and entertainment.

These are the six stories that sparked our interest the most during the past week of sports, pop culture and entertainment. This article, and every one of its biweekly successors, will serve as a "cheat sheet" for the various conversations you will have with coworkers and friends over the upcoming week.

So get educated, then hit up the water cooler for some conversation with the boys from accounts receivable.

Water Cooler Topic #1:

KG and OprahMinnesota Timberwolves forward Kevin Garnett donated an astounding $1.2 million to Oprah Winfrey's Angel Network charity earlier this month. The money, which Garnett was very hush-hush about donating, will go towards victims of Hurricane Katrina living in the Gulf Coast region. Garnett was the NBA's 2003-2004 MVP.

Adam's take: I actually heard a rumor that a portion of that generous donation is being used to feed Latrell Sprewell's family, and another chunk of it is going towards Marcus Camby's wardrobe. Just when you think NBA players can't be anymore warped in regards to the sense of values and needs in our country, a stand-up guy like Kevin Garnett comes along. More pro athletes need to realize that a responsibility to help others comes along with being rich and famous. If the crosstown Vikings just donated a small fraction of the money they use on lap dances and chartered boats, the United States could probably cure poverty.

Peter's take: What a team KG and Oprah make. Garnett's been stuck with the Tom Gugliottas and Latrell Sprewells of the world as his main wingmen over the years, but now he's finally found someone worthy of his company. She's worth like a billion dollars. She does everything: hosts a TV show, writes books, save lives. I'm certain she can play basketball. Can't you see it now? Oprah and KG on the court together, tossing alley-oops back and forth, doing monster jams. All in the name of Dr. Phil, capturing sex offenders, and Tom and Katie (of course).

Bets of the week Next player to lash out about his team's treatment of him: Kobe Bryant, 2-1; Stephon Marbury, 8-1; Manny Ramirez, 20-1; Jeff Garcia, 40-1.

Water Cooler Topic #2:

The end of the Eagles' reignAfter four straight trips to the NFC title game and a Super Bowl appearance last year, it appears that the Philadelphia Eagles' firm grip on the NFC might finally be weakening. Currently in last place in their division, this season has been nothing short of a nightmare so far for the once-powerful Eagles. Last Monday night's gut-wrenching collapse to the rival Cowboys put the finishing touches on a week that saw quarterback Donovan McNabb reinjure himself and former star wideout Terrell Owens prepare to take the team to court.

Adam's take: Did somebody say "Madden Cover" curse? That wasn't just Donovan McNabb limping off the field last week; that was the final stromboli that broke Andy Reid's back. The formerly aggressive and sharp Eagles team is now officially dull. With a dying defense and an offense that abandons the run way too quickly, it looks like we'll finally see a changing of the guard in the NFC. The final seven weeks of the regular season in the conference should be frenzied, as no true successor to the Eagles throne has yet emerged. In other medieval metaphor news, the San Francisco 49ers should continue their reign as court jester of the NFC.

Peter's take: I was walking by the Eagles sideline the other day, and picked up a piece of toilet paper. On it was a poem written by the ever-eloquent and always not-that-good Dhani Jones. It read, "Claudius, veritas, soup. Les Eagles, Philadelphia, nonsense. Bowtie, Jones, 1817." Within that mess of literature, you can find so many things: A) The keys to the Eagles' problems this year; B) The answers to the TV show Lost; and C) The quickest way to Drew Rosenhaus' heart. Like everything that has come out of Terrell Owens' mouth this year, this entire paragraph made absolutely no sense.