The denizens of Eorzea have such wonderful names! I’ve always wanted to start a linkshell full of player characters with funny, unique and ingenious character names. Not that I could belong to that linkshell since Nyena Nosidam is rather blasé and ordinary. But I’d love to be a fly on the wall of that linkshell, if linkshells have walls.

I will start with my favorite name of all time which is Jellopaws Mcsausagelimbs. I have no freaking clue what that means but I imagine it smells like breakfast.

On the food note, I’m also a fan of Papaya Paya (nice guy), Mindful Pizza and Kevin Carbonara.. Terd Burgers don’t appeal to me, but someone must like them. There’s also Judge Mint, Kiwi Berry, Strawberry Applesauce (excellent SCH) and Joe Pancakes. Not on our server, but I once did an Ifrit extreme with Chili Sauce. There’s also Beer Licker; I wish it was Beer Liquor but I get where he was going. Maybe. Thirsty? There’s Coke Cola, Doctor Pepper, Diet Pepsi and Suicidal Coolaid.

I like to pretend that the celebrity-named characters are played by the actual celebrity. I am in a linkshell with Billy Murray and Jackie Chan. I am always surprised to see Miley Cyrus in Fallgourd Float but maybe she’s working on SCOB. Gungam Style is a solid tank not played by Psy. I asked. El Chupacabra, Bruce Willis, Emma Stone and Kate Beckinsale all reside on Hyperion, at least part time.

Book characters make for good character names. For the Game of Thrones fanatics, there are 18 Lannisters and 134 Starks on Hyperion. You can find Eddard, Arya, Robb and a whole bunch of lesser known cousins who knew winter was coming and fled to Eorzea. Perrin Stark confuses me but so does Chunk Althor and Legolas Lannister.. Frodo Tbaggins, Rand Al’Thorr, Lestat Delioncourt, Jasnah Kholin, Count Dracula, Gandalf Thegrey, Gandalf White, and Kaladin Stormblessed (cousin to our very own Valentine) all play on Hyperion.

When you expand out and consider fictional characters in all media, you get to imagine just how awesome Titan Extreme would be with Little Yoda <JEDI> (extra points for a matching FC) and Ron Weasley. Fifth Element fan boys and girls will appreciate Big Badaboom (good MNK), Lealiu Multipass, Lilu Dallasmultipass and Leeludallas Multipass. Officer Jenny is always looking for party members for Turn 9. If you have a medical emergency, Doctor Zoidberg, Doctor Who, Doctor Strangelove and Doctor Horrible can help you out. For My Little Pony fans, there’s Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Cheese Sandwich and Trixie Lulumoon. Since this is a Final Fantasy, it is paramount that character names from past games be used. I’m shocked there are no Sepiroths but we do have Clouds Stife, Cloudy Squalls, Cid Cloudsmith, Aeris Strife, Aeris Gainsburough, Hildebrand Delacroix, Mog TheMoogle, Naja Salaheem, Cid Highwind, Lady Yunalesca, Disgustaberg Debastok and Shantottou Ohohoho. Not Final Fantasy related but also on Hyperion are Inspector Gadget, Harley Quiin, Excellent Adventurer, Princess Zelda, Morpheus Dreamweaver, Spicy Mclovin, Big Lebowski, The Dude, The Walrus and Brucewayne Batman (way to give away your secret identity).

Chaos Theory is a Final Fantasy 14 Free Company on the Hyperion Server. Our mission is to provide a safe, friendly home free of elitism that provides its members a structure in which to participate in all Eorzea has to offer.