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Saturday, February 15, 2014

musing on love, romance and singleness....

It's February 15! I made it! :)

I made it through Valentine's Day without getting down on my single status, without consuming a single piece of chocolate, and by only drinking one glass of wine whilst watching the Olympics last night!

When I was married, Valentine's Day would come and go without a word so this year was no different than most. Like most relationships, ours started out very romantic with my ex always doing big romantic things that put other guys to shame. And like most relationships, it all ended the day we got married. :)

I thought I was being cool and low maintenance by not expecting anything on my birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, Valentine's, Mother's Day....Also, I hate giving gifts so I didn't want to have to reciprocate!

But what I now realize is that these stupid days like Valentine's Day do serve a purpose! You take the time to make a special effort to make your love feel special. It might feel forced and you might not feel particularly in love at that moment but the point is to remind each other of WHY you are together and WHY you stay together. When things get hard, you need this reminder!

So although I don't want a diamond if I ever getting married again, I will ask that my future partner buys me cards and acknowledges special days and treats me like a treasure that he is blessed to have found. I commit to doing the same for him!

One thing I have learned during the last two years is that I was far too accommodating in my marriage, and in basically all romantic relationships I have ever had. I expected nothing (didn't want to inconvenience anyone) and in doing so, I ensured that I got nothing!

Alas, I have not yet figured out how to be the strong me that is emerging and be in a relationship at the same time. I know that if I really wanted to be in a couple, I could be. There was the guy last summer that told me after one date that he was falling in love with me. I could've decided that was good enough for me (instead of freaking out and telling him he was crazy--he really was, no regrets there). Or the guy this fall that seemed to like me but really only liked a well-behaved, sanitized version of me. I tried for a while but just couldn't be okay with acting like such a normal person.

No, singleness is the best place for me right now. I still have so much growing to do and so much work left to do on me. I would rather be alone than be in a lonely relationship!