Thousands of people — by circumstance or choice — spend many holidays solo or with a greatly reduced number of family and friends around the dinner table than in the “good old days.”

“Part of the reason that the holidays can be a difficult time is that we compare them to holidays of the past,” said Susan Quinn, a life coach who specializes in counseling and mental health. “We can always think of happier holidays, but that’s not useful; it’s counterproductive. We must figure out ways to deal with what is and make ourselves as happy as we can.”

Quinn, based in Beverly Hills, serves the greater Los Angeles area and has been in practice for more than 22 years. She has developed many ways of helping people get “unstuck” from a rut, whether it be an unhealthy relationship, dead-end job or an unrealistic idea of what a holiday should be.

“There are certain things we can do to elevate our moods, so why be depressed?” Quinn said. “Physiology is a good place to start. Exercise raises your mood, so plan to spend 30 minutes to an hour on Thanksgiving morning. Doing it outside will boost your mood even more. This will give you a feeling of accomplishment as well as an energy boost. It can set a more positive tone for the rest of the day.”

With the introduction of the Internet, more people have become isolated than ever before. So many things can now be done inside the home from behind a screen, including jobs, shopping, support group meetings, research and social outlets. However, what can keep people isolated also can help to engage them in face-to-face social activities.

There are online networks of local groups that share interests from food to volleyball and other activities.

“Meetup groups are a great way to meet like-minded people. But don’t wait for a holiday, start now,” Quinn said. “I have a client who built her whole social life around a hiking meetup and she’s never been happier. If you start now, there’s a good chance that by the time the holidays are here you’ll have plans — if you want them.”

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Planning is a key strategy to reduce the stress of Thanksgiving and other holidays.

“Don’t get caught with nothing to do,” Quinn said. “Plan. Even if it’s just you, there are plenty of things to do. Also, besides on the actual day, plan for something fun to do soon after the holiday is over. Something to look forward to makes all the difference in the world.”

Banish negative thoughts, she added. A good mood and positive attitude can save a holiday headed for trouble.

“You can learn to manage your mood by monitoring your thoughts,” Quinn said. “Ask your observing mind to remind you each time you think a limiting thought. A limiting thought says, ‘I can’t have that or do that because ...’ These limiting thoughts are distorted so we need to bust them as they happen.

“So catch these thoughts and say to that thought: ‘I know that you’re real, but you’re not true.’ Instead of trying to argue with these limiting thoughts just watch them go by in your mind, saying to yourself, ‘There is a worry going by. There is a fear going by.’ And just let them pass as clouds pass across the sky.

“You will see that you can eventually separate from these thoughts.”

Jerry Duprez, a Rancho Cucamonga clinical psychologist, has been guiding clients through life’s challenges for more than 20 years. He says, for many, Thanksgiving is a huge challenge.

“It’s normal to have those inflated expectations that the holidays are the pinnacle of the year, but usually that’s not the case,” said Duprez, a member of Haven Psychological Associates.

“There is no such thing as ‘the perfect family.’ It does not exist. However, it can be a very joyful time whether we are with family or not.”

In some places in the country, especially in the Midwest, there is a natural sense of family and community, Duprez explained.

“Southern California is unique in the way that here we must work on building community; work on it all year long,” he said. “Those relationships that we build with friends, neighbors and community members form an ‘alternative family’ and those relationships can be just as meaningful.”

Email, unrestricted cellphone plans and Skype, a computer-generated communication system with sound and pictures, can help keep family close. But when that’s not possible, a changing mindset can be the next best thing.

“Focus on the things you do have, not the things you don’t,” Duprez said. “Volunteer, increase self-care, get out of the house, start some new traditions.”

Many also face depression during this time of year and don’t understand why.

“Just looking at what most people have on their ‘to-do’ list is exhausting,” he said. “There are all those things to do, to buy, places to go, so much to remember — it’s mentally and physically exhausting. We overload ourselves, causing fatigue and adding to depression.”

Quinn and Duprez agree that if things get too overwhelming, an appointment or two with a professional therapist, counselor or life coach can be more nourishing for the body and soul than a turkey dinner with all the trimmings.

“Just one or two sessions can help a lot to personalize strategies and to gain realistic expectations,” Duprez said. “To accept that (the holiday is) just a day, one day.

“There are a lot of people out there who are obligated to spend time with family and wish they didn’t have to; they’d love to be alone. It’s all in the perspective.

“But no matter what you do on Thanksgiving, or any holiday, give yourself a break and be good to yourself.”