Well that was disappointing. The nostalgia part of my brain got all excited when this was announced; the director of The Driver, 48 Hrs, Last Man Standing working with Stallone, king of the dumb action flick. I thought it might be rough and ready, I didn’t expect it to be tired and boring. Stallone plays Jimmy Bobo (!) a hitman who has to team up with a, blah, blah, blah. Look if I wanted plot I wouldn’t have rented this. What I wanted was action, but I didn’t get it until the final reel in which Stallone faces off against an underused Jason Momoa (showing much more promise here than in Conan). Otherwise bland and pedestrian.

I don’t know who came up with the name Geriaction film, I wish it was me, but it’s a succint way of dealing with a run of films from the last few years. The run reached its apotheosis recently with The Expendables 2, but probably started with Stallone’s return in Rocky Balboa and Rambo. It was as if the awakening of this eigthies behemoth roused the others -since we’ve had Die Hard 4.o, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and the emergence of a 50+ Liam Neeson as an action hero. The trend shows no signs of letting up, Taken 2 is on its way, both Stallone and Schwarzenegger have movies in the pipeline (including one together) and another Die Hard is being filmed. No moreIndy,thank god, but otherwise the rolecall of 50+ action stars continues. In an industry dominated by youth the success of these films, and the ainticipation they’ve created, sits at odds with normal Hollywood logic. Indeed it took companies outside of the big studios, like Europa Corp and Millenium Films, to see the potential. But why and how did they strike lucky?

My only answer, and it’s not a very sophisticated one, is violence. Lots of it. The current crop of big action movies are dominated by the super-hero film – by definition a type of film that skews towards a more family friendly audience. But what about those of us who want to see bodies piling up? Those of us who rate a movie’s quality as much in bullet hits as plot and characterisation? For us mainstream Hollywood has been remis. They’ve abandoned the main stay of the 80s, the Hard R, where men swear, and shoot, and gratuitous nudity was common. However an audience still remains for these films, but there are few action stars capable of delivery. Jason Statham is one, but his conversion into an action star came from a French film directed by a Chinese director (The Transporter), and he has yet to find a suitable Hollywood home. We had high hopes for Vin Diesel and The Rock, but too many family comedies killed their legitimacy for the crowns of Arnie and Sly.

And so it’s to the old men we turn. Sure they’re a bit creaky, and their faces may look like the surgeon was having a bad day, but they can still take a punch, get back up, and rip your head off, light a cigar the size of your arm and bask in their alpha male status. Take that Robert Pattinson.

Ah Stallone, I know many are immune to your lopsided charms but I’ve always been drawn to you. Perhaps it’s the fact that someone so unlikely became one of the biggest stars in the world. Maybe it’s the career trajectory, compared to Brando in your early days, then swapping critical respect for big, dumb, stupid movies. Either way I’m making it a long term quest to watch all your movies (not the comedies though, no-one deserves that). To fulfil that noble ambition Nighthawks made my viewing list. Sitting between Rocky
and First Blood it’s part of the early proper actor career – you can tell it’s serious because Sly’s got a beard. Not a thin, sculpted effort like he has now, but a proper manly beard, the sort in which food and small children might get lost. I read once that the script for Nighthawks began as a draft for The French Connection Part 3 and you can see the influence in the ‘down to earth’ locations and the opposition of a rough, unsophisticated, New York Cop battling a sophisticated Euro-Villain (this time the bad guy’s a terrorist!). The main difference here is that Nighthawks dumps most of the verisimilitude that marked the French Connection films and concentrates on one note characters and scenes in crappy night clubs. The ace in the hole is Rutger Hauer as the villain, Wulfgar. It’s also the film’s big problem. Giving a typically full-on performance in his first US film Hauer is just much more fun than anyone else on screen. He doesn’t have much character but he chews what little he’s given to great effect – meaning that you’re left on his side while feeling unengaged by Stallone’s clichéd cop (he’s got relationship issues, doesn’t obey his captain, but has a really good instinct for police work. He actually says he’s learning how to think like the bad guy).

Anyway, typical cat and mouse shenanigans ensue, as Sly, with Billy Dee Williams and some English actor from 80s TV shows in support, chase Hauer around the subway and other typically ‘real’ locations. The action is reasonable if unoriginal. Highlights include Lando getting cut in the face. Sly is out-acted by his beard. Sly turns up in drag. The whole is less than the sum of its parts.