". . . you've got psycho power!"
By M. R. KOPMEYER
AMERICA'S SUCCESS COUNSELOR
". • • has helped millions!"
"Our LIFE is what our THOUGHTS make it."
—Marcus Aurelius
THOUGHTS
TO BUILD ON
by M. R. KOPMEYER
Americas Success Counselor To Millions
This is a book of THOUGHTS to build your
LIFE on. It is a unique book ... 80 entirely different and
unrelated chapters . . . each providing about 10 minutes
of stimulating and rewarding reading . . . each starting
your own thoughts on a positive course of immediately
useful and profitable ideas ... so that you thus may build
your life as you want it.
It is the purpose of this book to stimulate
constructive thoughts, to give your thoughts improved
direction and greater substance, to provide the kind of
motivational thinking which will enable you to deal sue-
cessfully with people and problems.
THE SUCCESS FOUNDATION
P. O. BOX 6302, LOUISVILLE, KY. 40206
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Introduction
THOUGHTS ... The Building Blocks
of Life
This is a book of THOUGHTS TO BUILD ON.
Why?
Because with our THOUGHTS we build our
personalities, our characters, our lives.
Our THOUGHTS determine what we are and
what we will be throughout the future. All great religions,
all great philosophies, all great thinkers, all great achievers,
affirm that we actually are the materialization of our
THOUGHTS.
The Bible says, "As a man THINKETH, so is
he."
Buddha taught, "All (yes, all) that we are is
the result of what we have THOUGHT."
Wrote the great emperor and philosopher of
ancient Borne, Marcus Aurelius, "Our LIFE is what our
THOUGHTS make it."
Eighteen centuries later, the eminent psycholo-
gist-philosopher William James, reaffirmed, "Belief (confi-
dent THOUGHT) creates the actual fact."
The American educator, Amos Bronson Alcott,
taught, "THOUGHT means LIFE, since those who do not
THINK do not live in any high or real sense. THINKING
MAKES THE MAN."
So we learn from these great sources of wisdom
throughout the ages that our THOUGHTS build our lives
and in a very real sense our THOUGHTS ARE OUR
LIVES.
THOUGHTS are the building blocks of our
lives and thoughts build upon themselves, for as George
Sala wrote, "Thought engenders thought . . . the more
you think, the better you will express yourself."
THOUGHTS are the building blocks of PER-
SONAL POWER.
Emerson states categorically, "THOUGHTS
rule the world."
Clergyman William Ellery Channing wrote,
"Secret study, silent THOUGHT, is the mightiest agent
in human affairs. What a man does outwardly is but the
expression and completion of his inward THOUGHT."
Henrich Heine, the much-quoted German poet,
turned to concise prose to make it clear that, "The men of
action are, after all, only the unconscious instruments of
the men of THOUGHT."
And back to Emerson, who deeply believed in
the power-force of THOUGHT, "There is no THOUGHT
in any mind, but it quickly tends to convert itself into
a power.
Jonathan Edwards emphasized it, "The ideas
and images (THOUGHTS) in men's minds are the invis-
ible powers that constantly govern them."
Then, in addition to providing the building
blocks of life, and in addition to being the root-source of
personal power we find that it is THOUGHT by which
we attain personal success.
Th e world-famous, preacher-psychologist-
writer, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale says, "THINK success,
visualize success, and you will set in motion the power
force of the realizable wish. When the mental picture
(THOUGHT) or attitude is strongly enough held, it actu-
ally seems to control conditions and circumstances. "
Dr. Walter Scott, famous psychologist and
president of Northwestern University taught, "Success or
failure in business is caused more by mental (THOUGHT)
attitudes than by mental capacities."
Disraeli, "Nurture your mind with great
THOUGHTS; to believe in the heroic makes heroes."
And clergyman John William Teal, "It is the
habitual THOUGHT which frames itself into our life.
Our confidential friends have not so much to do in shaping
our lives as THOUGHTS have which we harbor."
Isaac Taylor, "THINKING, not growth, makes
manhood."
Johann Pestalozzi, the Swiss educator, taught,
"Man, by THINKING only becomes truly man. Take away
THOUGHT from man's life, and what remains?"
Confucius, "Learning without THOUGHT, is
labor lost."
And Emerson, once again, "No accomplish-
ment, no assistance, no training, can compensate for lack
m
of belief (confident THOUGHT)."
Then, Henry Ford, "Whether you THINK you
can or THINK you can't— you are right/'
So . . . our THOUGHTS determine what we
are and what we will be; our THOUGHTS are our source
of personal power; our THOUGHTS are the principal
means of our successful achievement, and reveal it as Wil-
liam Plumer said, "THOUGHTS, even more than overt
acts, reveal character."
And, as if all that were not enough,
THOUGHTS can bestow upon us the gifts of happiness
and pleasures.
From the ancient wisdom of Marcus Antoninus,
"The HAPPINESS of your life depends upon the quality
of your THOUGHTS."
Are you lonely? Sir Sidney wrote, "They are
never alone who are accompanied by pleasant
THOUGHTS."
Bishop John Williams advised, "Garner up
pleasant THOUGHTS in your mind, for pleasant
THOUGHTS make pleasant lives."
Another clergyman, Charles Hadden Spurgeon,
used to preach that, "Good THOUGHTS are blessed
guests and should be heartily welcomed."
And Robert South taught that, "Nothing is
comparable to the pleasure of an active and prevailing
THOUGHT."
But, perhaps, the pleasure of THINKING was
best expressed by the wise and much-quoted lawyer of
IV
another generation, John Foster, who wrote, "The pleasant-
est things in the world are pleasant THOUGHTS, and
the greatest art in life is to have as many of them as
possible/'
And so, having focused the wisdom of the
great minds of many centuries on the power, the benefits
and pleasures of THOUGHT, let us explore, in the chapters
that follow, THOUGHTS TO BUILD ON-now-in the
exciting, confusing, threatening, sometimes happy, but al-
ways wonderful, world in which we live.
Thousands of years of wisdom, experience and
observation have proven, beyond any doubt, that YOU
WILL BECOME WHAT YOU THINK.
So . . . what should you think?
If you let your mind drift, it will idly contem-
plate whatever happens to attract its attention and will
set in motion a chain of thoughts, one leading to another
to no telling where! Then something else will attract its
attention and the first chain .of thoughts will be broken by
another undirectional chain.
Therefore this book: "THOUGHTS TO BUILD
ON." Its purpose is to give your thoughts direction and
substance— to channel your thoughts toward rewarding
ends.
But this book will not do your thinking for you
. . . because you will become only what you, yourself,
THINK. Therefore, this is a very unique book. Each brief
chapter (and there are eighty) can be read in just several
minutes. Each chapter gives you a different, stimulating
THOUGHT TO BUILD ON . . . then sets you free . . .
to pass it by ... or to think about it as deeply and as long
as you wish.
You may return to the stimulating thought-
starter in each chapter as often as you wish— but return to
it you must, because it will not be repeated, and each
following chapter will contain an entirely different thought!
Each and every chapter contains the stimulus of an inter-
esting, exciting, different thought which is totally unrelated
in context, if not entirely in substance, to all preceding
and following chapters and thoughts.
So you can read this book forward, backward,
start in the middle or anywhere. Glance down the table of
"Contents" and choose the thoughts you wish to think
about at the moment. You can spend a few minutes with
this book ... or an hour ... or an evening.
It will fill the brief, empty spaces of your
spare time . . . while you are commuting, waiting, or
just relaxing.
In any case, you will find it interesting, stimu-
lating, helpful. It will give you an unlimited variety of
THOUGHTS TO BUILD ON . . . and give you plenty
of room to do your own thinking.
For . . . "As a man THINKETH-so IS he."
vt
THOUGHTS TO BUILD ON
Contents
The 80 thought-stimulating chapters which
will build a more successful YOU!
Chapter Title Page
1. Stand Tall 1
2. Divide And Conquer 7
3. How To Learn From A Guided Missile 11
4. How To Handle Unpleasantness
And Solve Problems 15
5. Can You Separate Facts From Opinions? .... 20
6. Then I Found The Gray Area 24
7. Conquest Of Fear 27
8. Give Your OWN Wonder Drug 34
9. Are You Fed Up? 38
10. Keep A Firm Foundation 41
11. Lunatics Never Unite! 45
12. Frustration Causes Aggression 47
13. In All Fairness 61
14. Plant Quarters— Reap Happiness 65
15. Practice (In Your Imagination)
Makes Perfect 67
vii
Chapter Title Fage
16. How To Survive 71
17. "This, Too, Shall Pass" 79
18. Forget It! 81
19. Push Your Wheelbarrow Upside Down 83
20. Those Big Signs All Of Us Wear 87
21. Count Your Blessings 92
22. The Epidemic Of Hate 95
23. The Gentle Art Of Letting Alone 99
24. Save For Your Old Age: Memories! 105
25. How YOU Can Radiate Personal
Magnetism Like Movie And T.V. Stars Ill
26. Be Your Own Ghost 118
27. A Wall And Two Roads 121
28. "Press On!" 124
29. How To Avoid Or Get Rid Of Resentment 128
30. Don't Attract To You-Go To Them! 136
31. "Be Prepared" 141
32. TALK! ... A Way To Success 145
33. TALK! ... A Way To Health 152
34. LISTEN! ... A Way To Help 159
35. When It Gets Darkest 162
36. Do The Thing And You Will Have
The Power 166
VUl
Chapter Title Page
37. LAUGH . . . Your Way Through Life 169
38. It's Right To Do It Wrong! 173
39. Walk Toward Danger 179
40. Grapple! 181
41. DANGER! Do Not Threaten! 186
42. "I Direct Your Attention To ... " 190
43. Are You Lonely? 193
44. Find Out 199
45. Success Begins With Three 202
46. When Personal Tragedy Comes 206
47. The Sympathy Seekers 212
48. Externalize Yourself. Don t Exist! 216
49. Infinity Has No Problems 219
50. Life Is A Mirror 221
51. Inner Pace For Inner Peace 224
52. The Ostrich Target 227
53. Include Yourself In 232
54. Smile . . . ANYHOW! ! ! 235
55. How To Be A Billionaire 238
56. GOODWILL Is Your Success Insurance 240
57. Use Your NOTHING COMPUTER 245
58. Permissiveness Makes Slobs 250
59. The Crystal Globe 255
ix
Chapter Title Page
60. The Lesson Of The Butterfly 257
61. Which Way Do You Lean? 259
62. You Can Live Twice 262
63. Bad Temper Is Worse Than Bad Fortune 265
64. When Everything Else Fails ... 270
65. If You Would Control Others 275
66. Make Progress ... Or Stand Aside 280
67. Stay In The Eye Of The Hurricane 284
68. How Important Is It To You? 286
69. When There Were No Letters To
Santa Claus 288
70. Are You Chicken Or Eagle? 291
71. Who Changes The Water? 294
72. The Pumpkin Shaped Like A Jug 296
73. Pressure Creates Resistance 298
74. The Happiness (?) Of Doing Without 301
75. The Ignorant Are The Most Violent 305
76. The Magic Word That Changes Things 308
77. Are You Overwhelmed? 312
78. The Birds Which Had No Wings 315
79. Let It Rain 318
80. Not By Bread Alone 321
Chapter 1
Stand Tall
One of the most important . . . most helpful
. . . most rewarding . . . lessons I have learned in a rather
long and eventful life can be described in just two words:
STAND TALL!
By urging you to stand tall, I don t mean
merely to stand erect, although that's part of it. I mean
that you should heighten your entire personality by stand-
ing tall in three ways :
(1) STAND TALL . . . PHYSICALLY
(2) STAND TALL . . . MENTALLY
(3) STAND TALL . . . SPIRITUALLY
When you stand tall in all three parts of your
total personality, you attain a total stature which puts you
in command of life's situations. You stride gracefully,
easily, through life with an inner and outer calmness which
expresses your self-confidence and your assured capability
of coping with whatever conditions you may meet along
the way.
I can give you no better prescription for travel-
ing through life boldly and successfully than this— and I
shall give it to you in sufficient detail that you never again
will bow to man nor to circumstance. So let's begin . . .
(1) STAND TALL . . . PHYSICALLY
There's an art to this, but it is an art which is
easily learned. When you learn it, you will feel a high sense
of exhiliration and a bold firmness of command.
First, you begin simply by standing erect.
Not slouched. Not slumped. Not stooped. But not stiff
nor tense, either. Just erect. Then you calmly s-t-r-^e-t-c-h
upward, concentrating entirely on reaching higher with
the top of your head. That's all— just lift yourself with the
top of your head. Do not strain— easily l-i-f-t so that you
can feel that the top of your head is lifting your weight off
your feet so that you "stand lightly", almost weightlessly.
When you walk, walk lightly. No plodding. No
stomping. And no timid toddling, either. Just stride lightly,
with an easy glide, your legs swinging smoothly back and
forth like pendulums.
Don't stretch your shoulders upward. Don't
pull your shoulders backward. Just relax them. You control
the position of your shoulders with your chest. Yes, that's
right, you control the position of your shoulders with your
chest. Expand your chest. Push your chest forward and
upward. Lead with your chest!
Don't lift your chin (that will make you look
arrogant and egotistical). Just keep your chin firm and
level. Do all your "lifting" with the top of your head.
But remember, do it naturally, easily. Don't strain. Don't
be tense. Keep relaxed . . . poised . . . balanced . . . buoyant
. . . light . . . standing and walking on air!
You will be amazed at how standing tail-
physically— will immediately improve your personality,
your poise, your self-confidence, your attitude toward
others and your zest for life. You will instantly notice the
gratifying reaction of others to your improved attitude of
confidence, presence and command.
Standing tall— physically— will take years off
the appearance of older people. A characteristic of old
age is the curved back, the stooped shoulders drooping
forward, the slumped figure. Yet this most obvious sign
of increasing years and increasing physical deterioration
will vanish instantly when an older person stands tail-
physically— by following the simple directions in the pre-
ceding paragraphs. The health value alone is worth many
times the effort (if any) required to form this beneficial
habit of youthful posture. The nerves are no longer
pinched, the muscles are no longer cramped, the blood
flows freely, and chest is expanded to greatly increase
the intake of stimulating oxygen.
Older people who stand tall— physically— not
only look years younger . . . they feel years younger!
But, no matter what your age, standing tail-
physically— is just the beginning of this easy way to
heighten your personality. Frequently re-read the fore-
going instructions. Constantly practice them until you
have made them a natural part of your life.
Then you are ready for the second step:
(2) STAND TALL . . . MENTALLY
There's an old, but tried and true slogan which
says, "Always go first class/' I want to add an equally
important slogan, "Always think first class!" Dont clutter
up your mind with second class thoughts. It is just as
easy to think big as it is to think small. And remember, you
actually become the sum-total of your thoughts. "As a man
thinketh in his heart (deeply believes) so is he." You can
become no bigger, no better, no finer, no more successful
than your dominant thoughts. So think big! Stand tall . . .
mentally!
Life isn't going to give you more than you ask.
Employment managers say that almost all job-applicants
apply for low-paying jobs. Only a few apply for jobs pay-
ing better wages. Almost no one applies for the high-
salaried jobs! Almost no one thinks big! So if you want to
be a standout in the crowd, if you want to be looked up
to . . . stand tall . . . mentally.
Your thoughts are the fuel for achievement.
You wouldn't start out each morning by putting a handful
of dirt into the fuel-tank of your car. Then dont stall the
mechanism of your mind by dumping in thoughts of fear,
anger, hatred, jealousy or guilt. Don't let little thoughts
make you little, too.
Don't get stuck with the present. No matter
how insignificant your present is— think big about your
future. Think creatively. Think: "How can I improve?"
(Add value.) Think: "How can I do more?" (Add quan-
tity.) Learn— add facts. You can't build anything unless
you have the materials. You can't build something out of
nothing. So learn! Use what you learn to think big! Then
you'll stand tall . . . mentally. And you will be amazed
at the immediate improvement in your attitude toward
life . . . and the admiration of others for you.
Then, there's the third way to heighten your
personality. It is:
(3) STAND TALL . . . SPIRITUALLY
No person really stands tall in the judgment of
his fellow men or even in the constant scrutiny of his own
conscience unless he is too big spiritually to be little
morally. There is a lift in standing tall— spiritually— which
cannot be achieved in any other way. Yet, paradoxically,
while it lifts you up, it also gives you that calm firmness
which makes you impregnable to the vicissitudes of life.
If you have not achieved that spiritual height,
if you cannot stand that tall spiritually— your God is too
small!
It is only when you can accept INFINITY . . .
boundless without dimension . . . timeless throughout
eternity . . . holy beyond reverence . . . and know that
you, in some spiritual way, are a part of it . . . only then
can you really stand tall . . . spiritually.
And, that will make all the difference!
So ... if you would live Life to the fullest
stand tall! \
(1) STAND TALL . . . PHYSICALLY .
to achieve confidence!
(2) STAND TALL . . . MENTALLY .
to attain wisdom!
(3) STAND TALL . . . SPIRITUALLY
to be triumphant!
Chapter 2
Divide And Conquer
Constantly we are reminded that it is the
subtle or overt objective of our enemies to "divide and
conquer 9 .
Certainly an alliance, a nation, an organization
—if it can be sufficiently divided— loses its will to win, and,
in its confusion and dissension, loses its ability to survive.
There is no doubt about the effectiveness of
the principle: "Divide and conquer." So let's apply it to
you.
In fact, let's apply the principle of "divide and
conquer" to you in the following two most important fields:
( 1 ) Your personal HEALTH: physical, mental
and emotional.
(2) Your SUCCESS in life.
Let's start with (1) Your HEALTH. Surely
by now everybody is familiar with Dr. William Osier's
famous prescription to: "Live one day at a time. ,, He
wisely said: "The load of tomorrow, added to that of
yesterday, carried today, makes the strongest falter." And
so it does.
Overburdening, by trying to carry too many
loads all at once, will crush you physically, destroy you
mentally and wreck you emotionally.
Yet most people carry the "load of tomorrow"
in their imaginations: "What will I do about that" . . .
"Suppose this should happen?" . . . "When will I find
time to do so many things? ... see so many people? . . .
go so many places?"' And so on and on.
They 'live out" in their imaginations today-
all the work they are going to do tomorrow. Thus they add
tomorrow's work-load to today's work-load. And not only
tomorrow's, but the day after, and the day after.
Then they do yesterdays work all over again
today. "Suppose I had said this instead of that?" . . .
"Perhaps, if I had just done it differently." . . . "Why didn't
I think of it then?" . . . And again, on and on.
They re-do all of yesterday's work today and
add this burden to the imagined burden of tomorrow's
work. And not only yesterday's work, but usually the work
of the day before that . . . and the day before that.
But they must do todays work— when they are
already mentally re-doing the work of countless yesterdays
and living, in their imaginations, the work and dangers of
countless tomorrows. No wonder men and women break
under the strain!
No wonder Dr. William Osier prescribed:
"Live only one day at a time . . . live today!"
Divide and conquer!
Divide your life, as Dr. Osier recommended,
into one-day compartments. Shut out all yesterdays. Shut
out all tomorrows. Live only this one day: today! Then
you have only one day's problems to conquer. And any-
body can conquer just one day's problems!
Ask Alcoholics Anonymous. This highly suc-
cessful organization teacKes: "Do not decide to stop drink-
ing forever. Just decide you will not take a drink today."
Not forever. Just one day. Divide and conquer!
Ask Robert Louis Stevenson. He wrote: "Any-
one can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall.
Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Any-
one can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, for twenty-
four hours."
Then begin to divide even more— so that you
can conquer more!
Divide each day into the individual tasks to
be done. Then concentrate on the task you are doing now.
And only that task . . . the one you are doing right now\
Think not about the tasks just completed. Take
the advice of psychologist William James: "When your
decision is made and put into action— dismiss absolutely
all care or responsibility about the outcome."
Think not about the tasks yet to be done. Let
them come each in its time— not rushing at you all together
like an avalanche— but coming in single file, unhurriedly,
9
like the individual grains of sand dropping through an
hourglass.
Thus you divide, into separate tasks, your daily
work, and in so doing, conquer it.
Thus you achieve calmness, poise, tranquility.
And (2) SUCCESS!
Success— because you are able (physically,
mentally and emotionally) to work with that easy, calm
sureness which comes with concentrating solely on the job
at hand.
Your mind is not cluttered with yesterday's, or
tomorrow's, or even with today's other tasks. It is free to
search the whole broad field of thought for the best solution
of each problem in turn, and, being undistracted, to find
it quickly, surely.
This is the way of success. It has always been
the way of great thinkers and great achievers. It is the
"great quietness" which is the source of clear thought and
calm power.
Strange, that so many people have not thought
of this before. Everybody knows about "divide and con-
quers—yet how few apply this success technique to their
own lives ... to their own daily tasks.
And yet, if just they would "divide and con-
quers—first their days— then their tasks— they would no
longer be average people. They would take upon them-
selves the majesty of serenity, the calm sureness of con-
centration—and the inevitability of success.
10
Chapter 3
How To Learn From A Guided
Missle
Because man developed the intelligence to
construct a guided missile, he should have the intelligence
to learn from it.
A guided missile has a built-in mechanism
which is a "homing" device to the target. When the missile
gets even slightly off course— makes an error in direction—
as is frequently the case, its guidance system makes the
corrections necessary to get it back on course so that it will
hit the target.
We should also note here that the missile can-
not correct its course while it is standing still. It can only
correct its errors when it is moving forward toward its
target.
Now, what can you learn from the guided
missile? You can learn these valuable lessons which will
be of great benefit to you throughout all your life:
11
(1) You should have a target or, as the psy-
chologists say, you should be * goal-oriented". You should
have some specific objective in life and head directly for it.
(2) While you are moving toward your goal,
you will make frequent errors, even as a guided missile
does.
(3) You must learn to recognize these errors
and acknowledge that they are errors. Otherwise you will
not know that a correction is needed.
(4) Having recognized and admitted that you
have made an error which would cause you to miss your
goal, you simply correct it and get back on target. Note
that you are no more embarrased or ashamed of the error
than the missile is. Making, recognizing, admitting and
correcting errors is simply the method of moving toward
and accurately reaching any goal— a missile's goal or your
life's goal.
Neither missiles nor people go directly to their
goals in a straight line. Neither missiles nor people are that
perfect— nor do they need to be. That's why they have
built-in guidance systems.
You know, of course, about the guidance sys-
tems of missiles. At least you know that they have them
and that it is the function of these guidance systems to
recognize and correct the errors which the missiles inevit-
ably make as they proceed to their targets.
How much do you know about your own per-
sonal guidance system?
Do you have a target, a goal in life? Are you
12
aiming at just ONE main goal? Think how confused and
ineffective your personal guidance system would be if it
tried to guide you to a number of goals in different direc-
tions! That's why the one-goal person reaches his goal
quickly and effectively, while the person who tries to ac-
complish too many things simultaneously (instead of one
at a time) zigzags his way futilely through life.
Do you keep moving forward toward your goal?
Your personal guidance system cannot correct the direction
in which you are moving— if you are not moving. So keep
moving. Don't stop. Don't hesitate for fear of making an
error. You can correct your error while you are moving
forward. Life is like riding a bicycle. You can easily correct
your direction while you are moving, but if you stop, you
lose your balance, become shaky and fall.
You must expect to make errors and therefore
constantly watch for them so you can correct them prompt-
ly. The more promptly you correct an error, the less you
will have strayed off course and the more quickly you can
get back on target.
Since you will accept errors as at natural part
of life, you will not be ashamed of them, but simply accept
them as something to be corrected on your way to your
goal.
Your natural acceptance of errors, your not
being embarrassed or ashamed of them, will free you for-
ever from a "sense of guilt" and its accompanying mental
and emotional anguish.
Of course, when you accept errors as a part of
life, you must at the same time accept the fact that you
13
have a personal guidance system which will correct your
errors and head you directly to your one main goal.
How do you set your guidance system so that
it will keep you on course to your goal? Here's how:
(a) Your personal guidance system is like a
computer. You "feed" the details of your goal directly into
the "memory" of your computer (which is your subcon-
scious mind) and thus your guidance system knows, and
never forgets for one second, exactly what your goal is.
(b) Once your guidance system is absolutely
sure of what your one main goal is, it will guide you directly
to it. You do not need to tell it how (even if you know).
Your guidance system— subconscious mind— is a part of the
Universal Mind which guides and operates everything
from your own heartbeat to the movement of the planets.
It is quite capable of guiding you to your goal and will
easily do so.
(c) All you personally do is follow and co-
operate with your guidance system. You will "know" what
to do. You will be "given" the ability and power to reach
your goal. Just relax, let your subconscious mind guide
you— and move surely and confidently forward.
Thus man, who put the guidance systems in
missiles, has discovered that he has had a personal guid-
ance system within himself all the time! And, by constantly
visualizing a "mental picture" of his goal, his personal
guidance system will take him to it.
14
Chapter 4
How To Handle Unpleasantness And
Solve Problems
Let's face it, there's a lot of unpleasantness in
this old world of ours.
There are unpleasant conditions. There are
unpleasant situations. And there are quite a few unpleas-
ant people ( although sometimes they are not as unpleasant
as at others).
The optimist who cheerfully assures us that:
"Life is just a bowl of cherries", neglects to add that some
of the cherries may be sour.
Marcus Aurelius, one of the wisest rulers of
the Roman Empire, wrote in his diary: "I am going to
meet people today who talk too much, people who are
selfish, egotistical, ungrateful. But I won't be surprised or
disturbed, for I couldn't imagine a world without such
people."
IS
How shall we handle these unpleasant condi-
tions, situations and people?
They fall into two general classifications with
all sorts of variations in between. We shall consider only
the two extremes and let the handling of variations follow
the solutions of the major classifications.
First, there are the unpleasant conditions, sit-
uations and people about which little or nothing construc-
tive can be done. Of course, something probably can be
attempted about almost anything. But it often isn't worth
the effort. Just because you are not getting anywhere by
butting your head against a stone wall is no reason to
increase your efforts and butt your head against the same
stone wall even harder.
There are those who will exhort you to persist
in overcoming all obstacles, to achieve your goal no matter
what the cost. I suggest that it is more intelligent and
productive to reach a sound judgment concerning how—
or even i/— you will proceed in a certain endeavor. It
could well be that the same amount of effort might produce
much more results if directed to other objectives.
So let us assume that you are involved in an
unpleasant condition or situation, or with an unpleasant
person, and you have decided that nothing constructive
can or should be done. That does not cause the unpleasant-
ness to vanish. It still remains, and, for your own peace
of mind, you will have to deal with it.
Here's how:
First, take the wise advice of William James of
Harvard, the father of applied psychology, who taught his
16
students, "Be willing to have it so. Acceptance of what
has happened is the first step in overcoming the conse-
quences of any misfortune." And let me add: that advice
includes acceptance of what now is happening (and cannot
reasonably be prevented), and also what may be expected
inevitably to happen in the future. Be willing to have it so.
Don't fight it— if you can t beat it-ACCEPT it! Be willing
to have it so. Then adjust. When Fate closes one door,
Faith opens another. Seek the open door!
Now let's consider the other kind of unpleas-
antness which is a problem that can and must be solved.
The following method is positively effective in solving all
kinds of problems, not just unpleasant ones.
It might be well to mention here that most
problems, as such, are not unpleasant, but primarily are
stimulating. Certainly that should be your attitude toward
all problems. For very many years, before I retired, I was
president of a multi-million-dollar advertising agency. We
used what we called the "Problem Approach Method" in
working for 102 clients. That simply means that we ap-
proached every situation assigned to us as a problem to
be solved. Naturally, we made a continuous study of all
the best methods of solving problems.
Here, in condensed form, is the most effective
method of solving problems:
( 1 ) WRITE DOWN EXACTLY WHAT THE PROB-
LEM IS. Dont just think about it. Write it down.
Write it down exactly, precisely, concisely. Remember
that Charles Kettering, the great inventive genius of
17
General Motors, said, "A problem well stated is a
problem half solved."
(2) WRITE DOWN EXACTLY WHAT ARE THE
CAUSES OF THE PROBLEM. Get the facts. Get
ALL the facts. Be sure the facts are exact, clear,
objective and impartial— not selected to bolster some
preconceived opinion. Especially, if you do have a
preconceived opinion, be sure that you get all the facts
that do NOT support your pre-judgment, as well as
those which do. Herbert Hawkes of Columbia Uni-
versity taught, "Half the worry in the world is caused
by people trying to make decisions before they have
sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision. If
a man will devote his time to securing knowledge in
an impartial, objective way, his worries will usually
evaporate in the light of knowledge." So get the facts.
Be sure you know the exact causes of the problem
before you try to solve it.
(3) WRITE DOWN EVERY POSSIBLE EFFEC-
TIVE SOLUTION. Be sure each possible solution of
your problem is the impartial result of "trying the
case" from both sides by first pretending you are the
lawyer trying the case FOR the solution, then imagin-
ing you are the lawyer trying the case AGAINST the
solution. Then if the solution still appears to be effec-
tive, include it in your list.
(4) DECIDE DEFINITELY WHICH SOLUTION
TO PUT INTO EFFECT. If you have carefully
analyzed the pros and cons of each solution as recom-
mended in the preceding paragraph (3), then your
18
final decision should be relatively easy. If it still is
difficult to decide, and if you have time, feed all of
your possible solutions into your "mental computer '
(subconscious mind) and let it work on the solutions
in its own way for the next few days and nights. Mean-
while relax. The best solution will soon become clear
and definite in your mind. Then decide that THAT is
your best solution and that you will put it into effect,
forgetting all others.
( 5 ) START IMMEDIATELY TO PUT THAT SOLU-
TION INTO EFFECT AND PERSIST VIGOR-
OUSLY. All the previous steps will get you nowhere
unless they end in immediate, definite and vigorous
action. And when once you begin to act, don't look
back over your shoulder. Go right ahead; see it
through. You 11 never get better instructions than from
famous William James, who taught, "When once a
decision is reached and execution is the order of the
day, dismiss aboslutely all responsibility and care
(anxiety) about the outcome." If you have conscien-
tiously put into effect all of the preceding five steps in
this Problem Solving Method, you can be sure the out-
come will be very satisfactory.
To know how to effectively handle the inevit-
able unpleasant conditions, situations and people which
are a part of every life and to be able to successfully solve
the problems which constantly come your way, will make
you master of most of life's difficulties. That knowledge
now is in your hands.
19
Chapter 5
Can You Separate Facts From
Opinions?
I could see the lines of worry and fear etching
themselves ever more deeply in the face of the past-middle-
aged man who told me, "I've lost my fortune through
unwise investments. It's too late to start over. My family
and I will live out our lives in disgrace and poverty."
This man had only one fact. All of the rest of
his statement was opinion.
Accepting your opinions as being facts can
ruin you!
What was this mans one fact? It was a fact
that he had lost a sizable fortune through unwise invest-
ments.
It was merely his own opinion that, being past
middle-age, it was too late to start over and build another
fortune.
It was merely his own opinion that he and his
20
family would have to live out their lives in disgrace and
poverty.
But by taking just one fact and magnifying it
by adding a number of opinions (which are not facts) you
can reach conclusions which are so wrong that they can
do great damage.
Let's take the case of the middle-aged "failure"
just described.
We'll start with his one fact: he had lost his
money through unwise investments. Well, maybe that was
stupid. Perhaps with more caution and better advice the
loss could have been avoided. But certainly it was neither
original nor unusual. Often men who amass large fortunes
lose substantial sums of money from time to time. They
accept their losses as part of the business of fortune-
making.
Many men have made and lost a number of
fortunes. Almost all of them have recouped their losses
and greatly increased their wealth. There is a state of mind
and a technique of fortune-making.
So even the fact that our friend did lose his
money was no cause for panic. Surely it was no cause for
him to compound his misfortune by adding adverse opin-
ions which were not even facts.
Now, let's have a look at his own opinions
which he mistook to be facts and which caused his des-
peration and his hesitation to vigorously work his way
back to the top.
(l)"It's too late to start over." That, of course,
was merely his opinion. It is not a fact— unless he, himself,
21
makes it one by continuing to believe it. It is not a fact,
because the fact is that he is past middle-age, so he is
exactly the age when most large fortunes are amassed.
The really great fortunes have been built by men much
older than he, because it took them that long to learn
fortune-making attitudes and techniques.
(2) "My family and I will live out our lives in
disgrace and poverty." That, too, is only his opinion. It is
not a fact— unless he, himself, makes it one by continuing
to believe it. In the first place, losing money in unwise
investments is no disgrace. Most investors make unwise
purchases some time or other. Many investors have, at
some time, lost most or all of their money. As previously
pointed out, usually they get it all back and more, because
fortune-making is a state of mind and a technique. So,
instead of our friend's feeling "disgraced", he should feel
that he has learned a lesson which will be of great value
in his future decisions.
As for him and his family's living in poverty
for the rest of their lives, that not only is an opinion,
not a fact— but it is a ridiculous opinion, as previously
pointed out. The only danger is that it is an opinion which
he has mistaken for a fact— and, accepting opinions, yours
or someone else's, as being facts, can ruin you!
Opinions are a dime a dozen— and not worth
that. Facts are worth their weight in gold. Literally!
Build your life— decision by decision— soundly
based on facts that you can accurately trace back to their
very origins, so you can be sure that they really are exact,
provable facts.
22
You can mistake an error for a fact and reach
a very wrong decision, just by failing to trace your fact
to its exact origin— as dramatized by the following story:
In the early days of the telephone, when one
had to turn a crank to ring up the operator, a man furious-
ly turned the crank every day just before noon. It seemed
that he was desperate to reach the operator at just before
noon every day to find out exactly what time it was.
After some weeks of courteously telling him the time
from her own watch, the operator finally asked who was
phoning. He replied importantly, "I am the man who
blows the whistle of the town factory exactly at noon."
"That's a coincidence," replied the telephone
operator, "Fve been telling you the time from my watch
which I set by your noon whistle!"
How sure are you of your facts? The depend-
ability of the judgments upon which you will stake your
entire future depends upon your ability to separate facts
from opinions— and to reach your decisions based on
facts— facts which you can depend on because you have
traced them to their origins.
23
Chapter 6
Then I Found The Gray Area
Time was, years ago, when I thought that
everything was black or white. On one extreme or another,
I would take my stand. And stand. Immovable.
I would be like General Grant and "hold the
line if it took all summer." I would do even better. I would
maintain my fixed position if it cost me every friend, if
it cost me every cent!
I would be like Martin Luther and nail my
convictions to the door. I would do even better. My con-
victions would be more than a statement of belief. They
would be an open challenge to everyone!
I would be like the executive who put a sign
on his desk facing his callers. The sign read: "Be reason-
able. Do it my way/'
I would not be a middle-of-the-roader. Hadn't
I read, "Most accidents happen in the middle of the road"?
But Tm older now. And with the passing of
years, I've changed— I might even say Tve learned. Years
24
of watching others succeed ... so smoothly ... so pleas-
antly ... so surely . . . have taught me a better way to
success. And a better way of life.
iVe outgrown building a fortress around my
demands. The immobility of a fortress makes it a prison.
Besides, who needs a fortress if he has no de-
mands to defend? A fortress serves no purpose in moving
forward toward a goal— and that is what Life really is all
about.
Then I found the gray area. Everything really
isn't black or white— right or wrong— at all. It only looks
that way to youth and to those adults whose minds haven't
grown up. Hence all those silly protest marches, and
sit-ins, stand-ins, teach-ins— and, even worse, some very
radical believe-ins. All dramatized, of course, by the ex-
hibitionists.
But the world smiles understanding^ at the
adolescent behavior— not its misguided exploiters— then
goes about its important business in the gray area which
I didn't know about, either, when I was young and inex-
perienced.
Yes, the gray area, where the black and white
edges of extremism blend into understanding and agree-
ment.
The gray area where everybody's point of view
can be respectfully considered, where everybody gives a
little and gets a little, where negotiation may be hard or
may be persuasive, but leads, if we just work at it enough,
to the hand-clasp of mutual resolution.
25
The gray area, where, if we just keep talking
long enough, we can agree on something worthwhile.
The gray area, where a President of the United
States can say to all men, friend and foe alike, "Come, let
us reason together. Then we can find a consensus."
Im glad Tve matured enough to know that
everything in the world isn't black or white— but, in be-
tween these two extremes is a blending of ideas and opin-
ions in a vast gray area where men of good-will can meet
and talk over their differences until at last the differences
blend into one goal.
Im glad I found the gray area. I hope you
have found it, too.
26
Chapter 7
Conquest of Fear
There are a number of emotions which can be
be so overwhelming that they swamp our beings, wreck
our personalities and make our lives almost unbearable.
And not just "almost" unbearable. Sometimes so terribly
unbearable that they are the principal causes of suicide
and murder!
Hate, revenge, jealousy, sense of guilt, with-
drawal and, the subject of this chapter: FEAR. These
emotions are so destructive of happiness and often of life —
physically, mentally and emotionally— that we shall discuss
some of them, and perhaps all, elsewhere in this book. But
right now, we're going to engage in the conquest of fear.
If you could be free from fear— all fear of
everything and everybody— your life would be much better,
wouldn't it? Well, within the next few minutes you will
have the means of eliminating all fear— forever!
First, you have to drag your fears out into the
open so you can get at them. That may seem surprising
27
to those of you whose fear is all too real— so real, so definite,
that its terror haunts you day and night— and is surely,
methodically tearing you to pieces! Relax, well soon get
rid of it! Open fears are easily eliminated. It's the hidden
fears, the disguised fears, which cause the most trouble.
But only because they are hidden. So let's go on a fear-
hunt.
Each of us has, as you know, a conscious mind
which gives us our awareness of everything around us,
does our conscious reasoning and is subject to our personal
direction and will.
Also, as you know, each of us has a subcon-
scious mind which functions at a much deeper level and
which not only operates our bodily activities (our heart-
beat, breathing and all the rest of our complicated bodily
mechanisms), but also— because it is a part of the all-
powerful Universal Mind which runs the whole universe—
actually brings into reality our self-image (what we have
led it to believe we really want to he).
Of course, the foregoing descriptions of our
conscious and subconscious minds are greatly over-sim-
plified. I just want to identify them because it is in our
subconscious minds that we are going to conduct our fear-
hunt.
If our fears were in our conscious minds— and
some of them are— we would have no trouble recognizing
them and, as described later, eliminating them. But when
our fears have been implanted in our mysterious subcon-
scious minds, they are either deeply hidden or strangely
disguised. We therefore have to dig them out, rip away
28
their disguises, and get them into our conscious minds
where we can easily dispose of them.
Often you can find these hidden fears, yourself,
now that you are aware that they are likely to be hidden
or disguised in your subconscious mind. It is not the func-
tion of this book to get into the details, but merely to point
out the necessity of a fear-hunt for hidden and disguised
fears and to start you on your way.
Some of the symptoms of hidden and disguised
fears are: (1) withdrawal from normal activities; (2) un-
explained feelings of anxiety; (3) unexplained tension; (4)
psychosomatic illness, an illness (real enough!) which has
no physical cause, but usually is a form of withdrawal,
and accounts for over half of the patients of all doctors
and in all hospitals! The list could go on and on, but any
of the foregoing or similar symptoms probably indicates
you have a hidden or disguised fear lurking in the depths
of your subconscious.
On your fear-hunt, ignore the symptoms which
disguise your fear and try to trace the cause to the real
fear, itself. Not being any longer deceived by disguise,
you often can find it, drag it out into the open, rip off its
disguise and treat it like any other fear— eliminating it
forever by the methods we shall describe.
If you personally can't find your hidden or
disguised fear, by all means get professional help from
a psychologist or psychiatrist.
In any event, the important thing is to know
what fear you are dealing with. Then eliminate it by one,
several or all of the following methods:
(1) DELIBERATELY, UNHESITATINGLY,
DO THE THING YOU FEAR! Impress on yourself that
you ARE doing the thing you fear . . . voluntarily . . . de-
liberately . . . without hesitation! Not timidly— but boldly!
You probably still will experience the feeling of fear at
first. Good! Emphasize the feeling of fear! Otter-emphasize
it! Then deliberately . . . unhesitatingly . . . do the thing
you fear! Laugh in its face! Ridicule it! Stare your fear
down! Kick it around! Trample it! Keep aware that you
ARE doing the thing you fear— and to hell with it! You are
going to do it anyway!
(2) REPEATEDLY DO THE THING YOU
FEAR! Over and over again! Literally wear your fear out.
(If you want to be scientific about it, this is called the:
"FEAR EXHAUSTION METHOD".) But by any name,
the technique is to repeatedly do the thing you fear until
you don't fear it any more! Not even the least bit!
(3) LAUGH AT YOUR FEAR! The one thing
that fear can't stand is to be laughed at. Taunt it! Sneer
at it! Mock it! Make fun of it! And all the time, keep doing
the thing you fear . . . deliberately . . . unhesitatingly.
(4) BE A FATALIST! I'll always remember
the gangster who was involved, as usual, in a gang war
with a rival gang. One night, he and two companions were
shot at from an ambush. A companion on each side of him
was shot dead. Miraculously, he was unharmed. Later
when reporters asked if he wasn't afraid that the other
gang would "get" him, too, he just shrugged and said,
"WeVe all gotta go sometime, somehow". He was willing
30
to take life— and death— as it came, and he wasn't about
to have the least fear of either.
(5) DEPEND ON THE LAW OF AVER-
AGES! By the Law of Averages, most of the things we
fear never happen. The chances are so overwhelmingly in
your favor that it is ridiculous to live in fear! Nobody is
absolutely safe anywhere, any time. But you are reason-
ably safe. And that is a lot better than being unreasonably
afraid.
(6) GET ALL THE FACTS! Not opinions-
facts! Most fears have as their base the primitive fear of
the unknown. When you have learned all there is to know
about whatever is causing your fear, you will find that your
fear has vanished under the bright light of knowledge. Most
people who are afraid, are afraid of learning the truth.
They are afraid they will find out "for sure" that they have
a serious disease, or that their husband is having an affair
with another woman, or that they may lose their job. Then
—right then— is the time to apply the method of "know the
thing you fear".
Get the truth, the whole truth, that you are
afraid of. An early diagnosis of a serious disease has saved
many lives.
Find out if your husband's affair is fact or gos-
sip; then if it is a fact, see a marriage counsellor or an
attorney. Don't let suspicion and fear eat your heart out.
Get busy doing something sensible and constructive about
it. In any event, you 11 eliminate your fear with the bright
light of knowledge.
31
If you are afraid you are going to lose your
job, find out the fact from the man who knows— your boss.
Ask what you can do to keep it. You may have faults that
can be corrected. And your boss will appreciate your forth-
right attitude. If losing your job is inevitable, the sooner
you find out about it, the earlier head-start you will have
in looking for a better job.
Remember these sure cures for fear: (a) get-
ting all the facts; and (b ) taking immediate, positive action.
(7) MAKE YOURSELF FEAR-PROOFl You
can block fear out of your life by establishing in your mind
and emotional system a positive, overwhelming response
to any negative fear you may anticipate. In that way, you
make yourself fear-proof. For example, I grew up in a
neighborhood where, as a timid boy, I was constantly
'picked on" by bigger, tougher boys. This implanted in my
conscious and subconscious minds, as I grew up, the fear
that others could bully me, "push me around" and, if I
timidly resisted, "beat me up".
So I made myself fear-proof by learning box-
ing and, later, Judo, Super-Judo, Karate, Aikido, Savate,
Yawara and deadly Kung Fu. That's just about as protected
as any human can get. Even after retirement, I keep in
condition by exercise every day using calisthenics, dy-
namic-tension, isometric-contraction and weight-lifting.
This not only is good for my physical condition, but it is
even better for my mental and emotional condition. I have,
in the field of self-defense, made myself fearproof, which
not only has given me physical confidence, but is reward-
ing mentally and emotionally.
32
The process of making yourself fear-proof in
any field which may have the seeds of fear is very satisfying
as well as being personally beneficial. Take swimming, for
example. Suppose you are afraid of the water; afraid of
drowning. You can spend so much time in the water that
you will be perfectly "at home" there— without the least
fear. Get a good swimming instructor. Learn to be an
expert in all the strokes, especially swimming under water.
Learn skin-diving. Learn "drown-proofing", which now is
being taught by the Red Cross and some universities and
which is a simple method of keeping safely afloat for hours
unlimited. Soon you will be as much at ease in the water
as you will be on dry land. You will have become fear-proof
of water and you will have added a most pleasant expe-
rience to your enjoyment of life.
(8) HAVE A DEEP RELIGIOUS FAITH. It
is not the purpose of this book to intrude into your personal
religious beliefs or your lack of them. But any discussion
of the conquest of fear would be incomplete without point-
ing out that more lives have been kept free of fear by deep,
constant religious faith— than by any other method.
This concludes our Conquest of Fear. If you
use one, several, or all of the methods given here for the
elimination of your fear or fears, you will rid your life of
one of its greatest burdens. You will gain a new sense of
freedom and power. You will feel like— and you actually
will be— a Conqueror! A Conqueror of Fear!
33
Chapter 8
Give Your OWN Wonder Drug
Do you know that you now can make your own
wonder-drug in unlimited quantities? It is one of the
most powerful wonder-drugs in the world! You can make
it easily— provided that you give it away. The more you
give away, the more you can make. It will cost you nothing
and pay you enormous dividends!
Here are a few of the many miracle results you
can get by giving this wonder-drug which you make your-
self:
(1) School children, when given your wonder-drug,
will study more eagerly and get much higher grades.
(2) Business associates, when given your wonder-
drug, cooperate with you, help lift you to success and
wealth.
(3) Your family and friends, when given your wonder-
drug, will think you are wonderful and be eager to be
with you.
34
(4) You, with your wonder-drug, will spread happi-
ness wherever you go.
(5) When giving your wonder-drug, you will get
enough of it on yourself to make you happy, suc-
cessful, popular and rich.
Since there is a law against making exag-
gerated claims for drugs, we had better be quick with the
proof of the foregoing claims for your wonder-drug.
First, we will have to identify it, give its exact
name.
It is: PRAISE!
What? Such a simple thing as praise, a wonder-
drug which will work miracles?
Yes! PRAISE is a wonder-drug and it will
work miracles! Let's ask one of the foremost psychiatrists
in the world, Dr. Alfred Adler. Dr. Adler told his patients
who were the unhappy victims of anxieties, fears and de-
pression, "You can be cured in 14 days if you think con-
stantly how you can please someone."
And what is the best way to please someone?
What is it that people want more than anything else in
the world?
Let's call in another authority, another of the
foremost in the world: the famed William James of Har-
vard, America's greatest philosopher-psychologist. William
James said, "The deepest principle in human nature is the
craving to be appreciated"
The way to satisfy this "deepest principle in
human nature" . . . this "craving to be appreciated 9 is by
your praise.
35
Therefore, praise not only puts into effect the
wise teaching of William James, but it fulfills Dr. Adler's
prescription to please someone.
So among the miracle-cures of your wonder-
drug, praise, you have it on the highest authority that it
will cure anxiety, fear, depression in just 14 days!
Now let's prove the other claims we made for
your wonder-drug, praise, at the beginning of this chapter.
(1) In a scientifically supervised test, school
children were praised for their intelligence and ability,
and, at the beginning of the test, they were assured that
the test would be easy for them. They responded to praise
by doing much better than average and getting very high
grades.
Then the same school children were given an-
other test, equally easy, but were criticized and harassed
before the test and told it was too difficult for them and
that they would do poorly. The result was that they did
very poorly and got very low grades.
The only difference: PRAISE . . . and more
evidence that praise is a wonder-drug which produces
miracle results.
(2) Business associates, when given your won-
der drug, praise, will gladly cooperate with you, help lift
you to success and wealth. Why? Because when you give
them what they want: praise— they will give you what you
want: cooperation. When you praise a business associate,
you give him self-confidence and a sense of security. Crit-
icize him and you make him feel insecure. He mentally
labels you as the "hatchet man" who may cost him a promo-
tion—or even his job! That's why praise is so important in
36
all business relationships. It not only makes people like
you, but it makes them respond by helping you because
you have made it clear that you will help them.
(3) Frequently praise your family and friends.
They will think you are wonderful and be eager to be with
you. Why? I can't say it better than William James, "The
deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be
appreciated." Fulfill that craving with sincere praise and
everybody will be eager to be with you.
(4) You, with your wonder-drug— praise— will
spread happiness wherever you go. That, by now, should
be self-evident. If it isn't, just try praise— everywhere— for
just one week!
(5) When giving your wonder-drug— praise—
you will get enough of it on yourself to make you happy,
successful, popular and rich. That is because, when you
turn the spotlight on others, the reflected glow illuminates
you more than if you had tried to hold the spotlight on
yourself. And, finally, praising others will give you the
mental attitude necessary for success in life. As psychol-
ogist Dr. Walter Scott, President of Northwestern Univer-
sity, said, "Success or failure is caused more by mental
attitudes than by mental capacities."
PRAISE is a form of giving. It is not only "more
blessed to give than to receive", as the Bible tells us— but
it is necessary to give— in order to receive, as life has an
insistent way of reminding us.
So give the most desired gift of all. Give the
gift that satisfies the "craving to be appreciated".
Give your own wonder-drug: PRAISE!
37
Chapter 9
Are You Fed Up?
Some time ago, on the front page of my news-
paper, there was an article headed: "14 Ted-Up' Bus
Drivers Take New Jobs, Pay Cut". This article should in-
terest us for a number of reasons:
(1) The editors of one of the leading news-
papers in America felt that this event contained so much
"human interest" that they featured it on the front page.
Psychologists would say that a great many people would
"identify" with the bus drivers who were "fed-up" with
their dealings with other people. Apparently a lot of people
are "fed-up" with their present jobs and their relations with
others.
(2) What were the facts? According to the
newspaper article, fourteen bus drivers in one large city
quit their jobs and voluntarily took jobs as bus-cleaners at
a substantial reduction in pay and with complete loss of
job seniority up to eighteen years!
38
Why did they do this? These fourteen bus driv-
ers who eagerly sacrificed so much to get out from behind
the steering wheel and get behind a broom, gave these
reasons:
(a) "Passengers hardly ever have the right
change. They are always pestering us for
change/'
( b ) "There's no feeling of cooperation between
the passengers and us."
(c) "In the winter, kids throw snowballs at
our bus."
(d) And again . . . "that pesky job of making
change."
That's why these fourteen bus drivers gave up
their jobs and long seniority to take lower-paying jobs
as bus cleaners!
Now let's not be critical of those poor, harassed
men. Many people have found peace and happiness by
admitting that they were incapable of dealing with the
trivial (and to them, annoying) aspects of human nature
and then withdrawing to the relative seclusion of more
solitary jobs. After all, somebody has to do this more
menial work, and who is better qualified than those who
cannot get along with their fellow men?
I would venture this guess, however. Most of
those men who chose to clean buses will not find happiness
in that work, either. The irritating passengers will not be
there, but the debris they left behind, will be. After
scraping thousands and thousands of wads of used chewing
gum from beneath the bus seats, the cumulative effect may
39
well be just as annoying as was the cumulative effect of
"making change" for the passengers.
(3) In any event, the problem results from
two common causes:
( a ) Mentally and emotionally building up a
triviality into a "big thing", instead of main-
taining a reasonable perspective; and
(b) Allowing minor irritations to accumu-
late until they become an unbearable burden,
instead of taking them in stride as a routine
part of the job, ignoring and forgetting each
trivial annoyance immediately.
As Lincoln said, "A man is just about as happy
as he makes up his mind to be." I remember another story
about a bus driver. This bus driver was happy with his
work. It gave him a wonderful opportunity to meet people
—thousands of people—all of whom he greeted with a big,
cheerful smile. "Making change" gave him a little extra
time to say something pleasant to his passengers. When
he wasn't chatting happily with his passengers, he softly
sang or whistled a gay little song. And when, after many
years of such joyous service, he finally retired— his regular
passengers gave him a big going-away party. Some of his
passengers actually cried. And he cried a little, too. Warm
tears of joy— for the opportunity of having been a bus
driver, so he could make so many friends!
Yes, your attitude toward conditions, situations
and people makes all the difference! As Mr. Lincoln said,
"A man is just about as happy as he makes up his mind
to be."
40
Chapter 10
Keep A Firm Foundation
This nation will stand firm or fall, depending
upon the strength of the base upon which it is built.
That base is law.
The wisdom and fairness of our laws, the im-
partiality and certainty of their enforcement, and the de-
terring effect of inescapable, severe punishment for their
violation, will determine the future of our country.
There is a growing laxity in all these areas.
There seems to be a purposeful permissiveness
in some of our laws and regulations, which indicates a
deliberate effort to placate vocal pressure groups within
our society. This is neither wise nor fair. When laws are
passed, revised or reinterpreted to benefit certain groups
with the result that other individuals or groups are ad-
versely affected, the regulatory system of this nation is
being used improperly. The danger is quite clear. Laws
are not intended for expediency— but for justice.
41
There is considerable variation in the degree
of certainty with which our laws and regulations are en-
forced. We excuse this because of the human, and there-
fore variable, interpretations of the severity of the infrac-
tions. Law enforcement has become a somewhat personal
prerogative of the individual or organization entrusted with
seeing that laws and regulations are obeyed— strictly, ex-
actly, within their full meaning and intent.
The situation in the field of law enforcement
has become so lax that private citizens and pressure groups
arrogantly and publicly announce that they will obey only
those laws and regulations which suit their personal pur-
pose and that they deliberately will openly disobey any
law which, in their own individual judgment, is not to
their benefit or is deterring their aims. No nation which
tolerates such open and hostile defiance of its laws by its
own citizens can long survive. Even the threat of such
defiance should incur such disciplinary action as to make
the act itself avoided because of the assured severity of
certain punishment.
No individual, because he is a leader or a vocal
member of a dissident pressure group, deserves immunity
from, or should be given probated or trivial punishment
for, deliberately and defiantly breaking a law or regulation.
We have developed a fear of making martyrs because it
might enhance their publicity and propaganda value. This
is a dishonorable fear which can be eliminated by making
the punishment for self -provoked martyrdom sufficiently
severe to make it undesirable. Otherwise, we shall con-
tinue to have our law enforcement officials under frequent
42
provocation by those who would use accusations against
them to incite agitation for their objectives.
All levels of law enforcement would greatly
be improved if the entire citizenry were thoroughly con-
vinced that the violation of any law or regulation would
result in inescapable, impartial and severe punishment.
When I say "severe punishment" I mean so severe that its
risk would not be justified.
Too many people are willing to play Russian
roulette with crime because they know all of the cylinders
of severe punishment are not loaded. They are being con-
stantly indoctrinated with the current trend to light
sentences, suspended sentences, paroled sentences, and
punishment being deferred interminably by legal maneuv-
ering. Only when punishment is certain, swift and severe,
can it serve as a maximum deterrent.
Certainly, every intelligent effort should be
made to rehabilitate criminals and, being very sure we
have done so, to return them to freedom. But it is much
better to prevent their becoming criminals in the first
place. The preventive, or at least, the deterrent, is certain,
swift and severe punishment.
Of course, the ultimate ideal is a total moral
abhorrence of and abstention from, all crime by all people.
It is a far distant state, but one which deserves constant
seeking. However, in the meantime, the problem of in-
creasing and flagrant law violation is here now. It must
be dealt with by using the means at hand.
The very survival of this free nation depends
upon respect for, and enforcement of, law and order. If it
43
is necessary to improve the wisdom and fairness of our
laws, the impartiality and certainty of their enforcement,
and the deterring effect of inescapable, severe punishment
for their violation— let us get on with the task.
This nation stands on the base of law. Let us
be sure that foundation is firm and secure.
44
Chapter 11
Lunatics Never Unite!
Years ago, before improvements were made
in mental hospitals, a visitor was escorted through a
mental hospital by the superintendent. He finally was
taken to a balcony overlooking a ward where the most
dangerous "lunatics" were kept. One hundred violently
dangerous lunatics, watched over by only three guards!
The visitor was aghast. He turned to the super-
intendent and asked, "Aren't you afraid those dangerous
lunatics will gang up on the guards?"
The superintendent calmly replied, "No, luna-
tics never unite."
There is a lesson in that statement for all per-
sons, groups and nations. Evidently many of us haven't
been sufficiently impressed by the wisdom which has
come ringing down through the years:
"In union there is strength!"
"United we stand; divided we fall!"
45
Perhaps, we will be more impressed by the dra-
matic implication in: "Lunatics never unite"
To the extent that we, as people, as groups, or
as nations, achieve unity of thought, unity of feeling, unity
of purpose— to that extent will our strengths be joined.
The secret of power is no secret. It simply is
uniting joining together with a singleness of thought,
feeling and purpose. The more people who can unite, the
more groups which can be joined together, the more
nations which can collaborate— the greater will be their
combined power.
How much weakness there is in disunity!
And, how much danger! Because the farther
apart our positions, the more nearly they become opposites.
When we reach opposite positions, we are placed in readi-
ness for the most damaging collision course.
Lunatics!
Yes, lunatics! That's what our divisiveness is
proving us to be. Because: LUNATICS NEVER UNITE!
46
Chapter 12
Frustration Causes Aggression
Frustration-caused aggression is the basic fac-
tor in many human tragedies from personal incompatabili-
ties to major wars.
Since frustration is a primary ingredient in
almost all (some scientists say all) aggression— overt or re-
pressed—it would be useless as well as impractical to
attempt to list all such situations here. However, it may
indicate their variety and magnitude, to list a few of many
problems resulting from frustration-caused aggression:
Infant misbehavior, school failures, juvenile
delinquency, unhappy marriages, business difficulties, dis-
agreeable personalities, minority-group social-racial unrest,
individual and group protest activities, riots, revolutions
and wars.
Since the frustration-aggression sequence is at
the root (and usually is the root) of so many, varied and
tragic problems, it demands our most serious consideration.
47
It is the principal purpose of this book to stimulate thought,
and no attempt will be made here to solve a problem of
this magnitude. It simply is hoped that this chapter may,
in its limited way, indicate areas of solution and direct your
thoughts into channels which should be stimulating and
productive.
To simplify our approach, let's accept the con-
clusion of many leading scientists that: aggression is always
a consequence of frustration. (Frustration and Aggression:
Yale University Press, New Haven, Conn.) And let us
be quick to point out that frustration-caused aggression
is not always overt and recognizable as aggression, but
often is repressed and festers in our subconscious to later
appear in some disguised resentment, hatred, antagonistic
feeling or misbehavior. We have been taught to suppress
openly aggressive acts, but this does not mean that the
aggression, itself, actually is eliminated. It merely is re-
pressed into our subconscious and, unless eliminated, can
do incalculable harm.
Let's have a closer look:
An infant is subjected to many frustrating ex-
periences which are all the more acute because the child
is too young to understand the reasons for the drastic
changes required in its behavior. Complete changes in
food, eating habits, personal cleanliness and toilet training
are just a few of the frustrations which accumulate to
provoke the period of "frequent and exaggerated stubborn-
ness" between the ages of two and four years, and which
usually reaches its peak at the age of two and a half.
And then, as the child grows up, there are the
frustrations of home life, school, and becoming a part of
48
the social system of its group. Each frustration creates
aggression— overt or suppressed.
Physical measurements, muscular coordination
and intelligence tests show that the average boy or girl at
the age of fifteen has, by any accepted criterion, the
capacities of an adult, lacking only the experience and
training which are acquired by most of us through later
years. Otherwise, boys and girls of fifteen are adultly
equipped to cope with their environment and to take part
fully in the society of adults.
But boys and girls of fifteen are not considered
to be adults by their elders. They are not respected as
adults. They are not treated as adults and usually deter-
mined efforts are made to impress upon them their inferior
status. Their activities are limited, their independence is
not tolerated and many of the restrictions of childhood
remain in force.
There is no doubt that many of the usual re-
strictions and limitations placed upon these young adults
are necessary— socially, economically and morally. The
manner and form in which these limitations are imposed
are worthy of most serious consideration because when
you treat an adult as a child— no matter how necessary and
well-intentioned your motives— you cause the most intense
frustrations. And "aggression is always the consequence
of frustration"
Now let's move our spotlight of thought to
the subject of unhappy marriages. The rapidly increasing
divorce rate is an inadequately low indicator (quantita-
tively and qualitatively) of unhappy marriages for too
49
many obvious reasons to discuss here. It is sufficient to
state that any marriage counselor will unequivocally assure
you that most unhappy marriages are the result of frustra-
tion with its accompanying aggression, overt, or repressed
into the subconscious where it may reappear as resent-
ment, scorn, jealousy, bitterness, nagging, temper out-
bursts, easily hurt feelings and general unpleasantness.
So, frustration and its resulting aggression are the prime
causes of unhappy marriages.
And frustration goes on to other areas of life,
to cause incalculable damage. Business, by its very nature
—its complexities, constant personal contact, competition,
change, ambition, pressure— is a spawning ground of frus-
trations of every description and magnitude. Not only does
business cause frustrations, but it stimulates aggression by
requiring competition within companies in the constant
building and rebuilding of each corporate power super-
structure.
When you combine ambitious power struggles
at the higher levels, personality conflicts at all levels, and
labor-management problems ranging from hostile disputes
to violent strikes— all within one company environment—
you have the ingredients which produce frustration and
aggression on a grand scale!
Add to the intracompany frustration, the com-
petitive aggression of the market place— and the result is
the well-named Corporate Jungle. No wonder business
men have ulcers, nervous breakdowns and heart attacks!
There is no easy solution to ending or even
greatly reducing the frustration which is so firmly built into
50
business. It is a part of the very nature of business, itself,
for business is almost totally a competitive, aggressive
struggle to achieve superiority or often even to survive.
Nevertheless, the elimination of as much busi-
ness frustration as possible is one of the first orders of our
time. This must be done or the internal friction it is causing
will grind our business machine to pieces. High rewards
will go to those who can reduce the frustrations within a
business or turn those frustrations into non-aggressive chan-
nels.
Already much is being done to give competition
in the market place a "game image" to relieve some of
the frustrations, tensions and pressures of what some sales
executives call "survival combat".
But perhaps the most dramatic example that
"aggression is always a consequence of frustration' is found
in the open aggression of minority groups, such as some
Negroes in the United States. Here is the perfect example
of almost every kind of frustration being accumulated and
compounded over many years, until the inevitably resulting
aggression has crashed upon the American scene with the
release of pent-up hostility, uncompromising demands, pro-
vocative demonstrations, threats of violence and numerous
riots.
Such mass aggression gives birth to leadership
which escalates the group frustrations. Some leaders do this
with social responsibility and exhortations to non-violence.
Other leaders take advantage of the emotional extremism
of the type of followers they attract and incite violent
51
aggressiveness for the sheer exhiliration of their own dem-
onstration of personal power.
Undoubtedly, the initial frustrations were justi-
fied. Undoubtedly, the conditions which caused them
should be rectified and will, to a great extent, be alleviated
in time. However, the violence and hostility of such mass
aggression and especially the uncompromising demands
accompanied by threats that all these demands must be
met in full "now," has caused extreme frustrations among
those millions against whom the aggression is directed.
These frustrations have created a counter-aggressiveness
which will retard fully-accepted solutions to these problems
for years, leaving scars of overt and suppressed hatred
and ill-will like those of the Civil War. Token and surface
solutions may be forced for political advantages and men
of good will, working with patience and moderation, will
some day alleviate the hostility of the aggression and thus
dissipate the defiant counter-aggression which it engen-
dered.
It is extremely important to note that all Ne-
groes in the United States were not frustrated, or to the
extent to which they were frustrated, they directed their
aggression into channels of personal achievement. In either
case, their lack of hostile aggression has made possible
their acceptance, popularity, acclaim and accomplishments
which have far exceeded those of many white people. For
example, there are Negro entertainers, athletes, educators,
business men, government leaders and many other Negroes
of whom this country is very proud and whom it accepts
and admires with a feeling that is entirely non-racial.
52
This acceptance and integration of Negroes as
complete equals to whites in every respect is demonstrated
in the United States Armed Services. As a direct result of
having eliminated the cause, there is no Negro frustration
as to their status or acceptance as equal members of the
Armed Services— and there is no aggressive feeling toward
white fellow-soldiers. (If any frustration exists, the aggres-
sion it causes is soon dispelled by the necessity of directing
it toward the enemy.) In the Armed Services, the equal,
integrated, accepted, unfrustrated Negro has distinguished
himself with skill, courage and heroism which has won the
admiration of his white comrades and the entire nation.
When you compare the unfrustrated, successful
Negro in civilian life or the unfrustrated, heroic Negro in
the Armed Services with the frustrated, socially-aggressive
Negro demonstrating, protesting, rioting in the streets— you
have a dramatic example of the frustration-aggression cycle
at work. And you can clearly see that as frustration is
eliminated, aggression is eliminated.
You can analyze this on a much larger scale as
a cause of wars between nations.
Nations, because of strong nationalist feelings,
ethnic incompatibilities, desires to be superior and just
plain greed, tend to actions and pronouncements which
often cause frustrations in other nations. These national
frustrations cause aggressive feelings in direct proportion
to the degree of frustration. Too often, instead of diminish-
ing or eliminating the frustration and the aggressive feel-
ings which it provokes, each nation escalates the frustration-
aggression cycle. The more the frustration-aggression is
53
escalated, the less it is repressed, and the more overt and
openly hostile it becomes. Unless this escalation is stopped
or controlled, the ultimate result is war.
And so, now we have examined frustration-
caused aggression from its early appearance in infant be-
havior, through adolescence problems, unhappy marriages,
business difficulties, group protests and international rela-
tions. The list could be endless, but the categories dis-
cussed are sufficient to develop three conclusions:
(1) Aggression always is a consequence of
frustration, and . . .
( 2 ) Since frustration-caused aggression usually
is, at best, disagreeable, and, at worst, disastrous— it should
be avoided or eliminated, unless . . .
(3) The existence of the specific frustration-
aggression is preferable to the consequences of avoiding
or eliminating it.
The first two conclusions should now be obvi-
ous. The third should be emphasized, lest this chapter be
interpreted as suggesting that tranquility be preserved at
any price.
Therefore, before we examine various methods
of avoiding or eliminating some of the frustrations which
cause overt or repressed aggression, let us acknowledge
that there are frustrations which we should not try to alle-
viate by submissive permissiveness— because the conse-
quences of such permissiveness would be far worse than the
aggressions resulting from the frustrations, themselves.
A few brief examples will suffice:
54
(a) Your young, inexperienced, teen-age
daughter insists on staying out on dates as late at night
as she chooses. If you restrict her dating hours, you will
frustrate her desires, which include her status in her group.
The result of the frustration will be shown in her aggressive
attitude toward you, and result in unpleasantness in the
home. However, you prefer that to the social, moral and
other dangers which might result from her late-dating. So
you restrict her dating hours and accept the results of the
^frustration-aggression caused by your restriction.
(b) Racial minorities, whose frustrations are
justified and should be relieved, often have had their
frustrations dramatized and further provoked by power-
seeking leaders. This has caused such rapidly escalating
aggression that they demand that all their grievances be
redressed "now"— without regard for the chaos, frustrations
and counter-aggression their threats and urgent demands
have on the community. Many communities have not been
panicked nor stampeded, but have chosen to restrain the
frustration-aggression of the incited minority groups, while
patiently and intelligently working to solve their problems
with moderation and temperance— through cooperation.
(c) In international relations, certain coun-
tries, greedy for more territory and power, have claimed
territory belonging to other countries. They incite frus-
tation and aggressiveness among their own people and use
this as a basis of threats. Nations capable of defending
their presently established boundaries would be foolish
indeed to succumb to such pressures of self -incited frustra-
tion-aggression on the part of their neighbors. It would
55
not only be irrational, but suicidal, to retreat at every
threat of an aggressive neighboring country.
It is apparent that I am not an advocate of the
psychology of submissive permissiveness in any category
from child-rearing to international relations. I believe that
discipline (especially self-discipline, but imposed disci-
pline, if necessary) will ultimately form stronger character
than permissiveness.
I have little patience or respect for those who
use the frustration-aggression sequence as a threat. That
includes the child, teen-ager or adult who says (or dem-
onstrates): "Unless you permit me freely to do whatever
I want to do, I shall be frustrated and, as a result, I shall
be aggressive in my feelings and reactions."
We hear that same type of threat from some
leaders of racial minority groups, who say in effect: "We
have a long and frustrating list of wants and unless we are
given everything we want NOW, our frustration shall be-
come aggression (in varying forms of violence, depending
upon the extremism of the leader and his followers) and
we shall be impelled to cause chaos, riot and revolt in the
community/' Now that kind of threat, and especially the
immediacy of the demanded benefits, may panic some
politicians into frenzied token compliance, but it inevitably
creates a grass-roots counter-frustration-aggression which
eventually retards the deserved improvements which could
be gained by a more moderate, logical approach.
On an international level, nations use the frus-
tration-aggression threat against other countries. Com-
munist China currently is providing the most alarming
56
example. Certainly, no other great country is so beset with
frustrations. That most of China's frustrations are self-
created does not make them less productive of aggressions
which are violently hostile, internally as well as externally.
Of course, frustration is not the only cause of
aggression, but it usually is present, sometimes as a cause,
and often as a convenient excuse.
So, while the avoidance or elimination of frus-
tration may not always be the best solution, it can, in so
many instances, be of such great value that we should now
see what can be done about it.
Basically, the avoidance or elimination of frus-
tration and frustration-caused aggression can be accom-
plished by the following common-sense methods:
(1) Don't cause frustration in the first place.
Discipline yourself to avoid imposing unnecessary re-
straints and inflicting personal irritations:
(a) Don't restrain, restrict or confine any per-
son or group more than absolutely necessary.
(b) Don't impede another's progress toward
his reasonable objective.
(c) Don't contradict or argue. Silence is usu-
ally more effective, anyway.
(d) Don't annoy. Being annoying is merely
giving vent to your own frustrations.
(e) Don't obviously impose your will. Manip-
ulate the situation so that the other person will think what
you want is his own idea.
(f ) Don't belittle, don't ridicule, don't detract
57
from the other person's feeling of importance, his desire
to be admired, his favorable self-image.
(2) If frustration already exists— eliminate it.
Then there will be no further cause for aggression.
(a) Stop doing the things which have caused
the frustration. Subject every action which might possibly
cause frustration, to the following test: Is this action
ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY or is it merely an expression
of my own personal preference? You will find that most
restrictions, restraints, contradictions, arguments and an-
noyances are not ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY and the
frustration-aggression they cause could easily be avoided
by eliminating them.
(b) Reason away the frustration by "selling"
the need for or desirability of the restraint or other action
which MUST be taken. Restrictions and other often frus-
tration-producing actions need not be frustrating. It usually
is the manner in which they are imposed that provokes the
initial feelings of frustration. Properly explained, necessary
restrictions are accepted as being necessary, and therefore
do not cause frustration. It is the parent who proclaims,
"You may not do this . . . you may not do that!" . . .
without explanation, and too often without a logical reason
possible of explanation, who causes frustration-aggression
in children.
(c) Immediately follow a frustration-creating
action with a substitute offer which, if possible, is equal to,
or more desirable than, the necessary restriction. For ex-
ample, management says to labor, "We cannot pay all of
the wage increase you ask, but we can modify your pension
58
plan to provide even more money when you will most
need it." Or, the parent says to the teen-age daughter,
"You cannot have a date tonight because you need to study
for your math exam, but you can have a birthday party
at the club Saturday night."
(d) Take an opposite position to that which
caused the frustration. For example: If you have caused
a feeling of frustration-aggression by belittling a person
and thus reducing his feeling of importance and damaging
his precious self-image, take an opposite position; openly
express your admiration for his good qualities, repairing
the damage to his self-image by commendation and praise.
Tactfully and sincerely done, this will erase the frustration.
(e) Eliminate or reduce the feeling of frustra-
tion. Remember, it is not what happens to a person, but
how he feels about what happens, that really counts. Thus,
if you can induce the feeling that the restrictions, restraints
or whatever, are not of great consequence— if you de-
emphasize their impact by not "making a major produc-
tion" out of them— you, to that extent, directly de-emphasize
the feeling of frustration.
(3) In some cases, you must eliminate, divert
or suppress aggression first— before eliminating the frustra-
tion which caused it. (Always, you eventually must elimi-
nate the frustration, too. ) Here are some ways by which
you can eliminate aggression:
(a) Psychiatrists call it "catharsis". This means
that you drag the feeling of aggression out of the sub-
conscious, expose it in the open, give it full expression and
it will use itself up until it no longer exists.
59
(b) Don't let aggressive feelings get started.
Use the same preventive methods just recommended for
preventing frustration.
(c) Suppress the aggression until you can
eliminate the frustration which caused it. Overt aggression
can be suppressed in direct proportion to the severity of
inescapable punishment. However, suppressed aggression
leads to more frustration, which leads to more aggression.
So don't suppress the aggression long— and work rapidly
to eliminate the frustration which caused it.
(d) Channel aggression into beneficial activi-
ties, useful purposes. Aggression is not, in itself, evil or
undesirable. Aggression can stimulate terrific energy which,
if directed into worthwhile channels, can lead to great
achievement. Many a mediocre person has become so
aggressive against the frustrations of life which were hold-
ing him back, that he attacked his problems with such
energy and determination that success was inevitable and
his life goal was quickly attained.
I have tried, in this chapter, to outline some of
the facts about the frustration-aggression cycle which is
such a powerful factor at all levels, from infant behavior
to international relations. In so limited space, it was not
my purpose to fully solve many of the problems outlined,
but I hope I have kept the promise in the title of this book
and given you some "Thoughts To Build On".
60
Chapter 13
In All Fairness . . .
In all fairness . . . everyone should be alerted
to an innocent-sounding word which can be used to rub
a raw emotional nerve— with devastating effect.
Some time ago, I watched and listened to a
political debate on television. This debate was followed by
an hour radio program, during which the public was invited
to telephone its comments on the debate. The telephone
comments were broadcast directly so that all listeners could
hear not only the spoken words, but the revealing tones
of voice.
Anything I may have learned about the political
issues debated was completely overshadowed by the reve-
lation of an important aspect of human nature as disclosed
by those telephone calls. Since you will be dealing with
this same human nature all of your life, the following
observations may serve as a reminder of a valuable lesson
I'm sure you already know but which warrants reviewing.
61
Admittedly, I did not discover a new technique
in dealing with people. This technique is one of the oldest,
best-known and most effective. It is because of the last
point that I feel it should be re-emphasized.
The debate itself was less than outstanding.
It was characterized by an experienced politician-lawyer
using an aggressive court-room manner to try to undermine
the voters' confidence in the long voting record of his
opponent, a distinguished senator who had served in public
office for many years. The senator countered with a calm,
sincere account of his seriously-considered reasons for vot-
ing as he did on the issues under debate.
Now, here is the important point: The senator
also frequently emphasized that his opponent's accusations
were "UNFAIR" because he said they were untrue, inaccu-
rate or taken out of context.
It is not the purpose of this chapter to analyze
the merits or the accuracy of either side of the debate. It is
my purpose to point out the results of the use of the word:
"unfair" which was so often used by the senator to charac-
terize the accusations and statements of his opponent.
As previously mentioned, this debate was im-
mediately followed by an hour radio program, during which
listeners gave their opinions of it by telephone calls broad-
cast directly over the radio. With few exceptions, the
opponent of the senator was vehemently attacked. He was
called most of the derogatory names permitted on the
radio. Long distance telephone calls were made to de-
nounce him. And— note this— in almost every call, his per-
formance in the debate was labeled: "unfair" All kinds of
reasons were given for criticizing him, but they almost
always also stated or implied that he was "unfair." The
word or idea: "unfair 99 was the axis around which the
criticism revolved.
Frankly, the vehemence of the first few radio-
telephone calls rather surprised me. I had listened care-
fully to the debate, which was conducted with courtesy
and decorum. Although they belonged to different political
parties, there actually was little difference in the real politi-
cal philosophies of either candidate. But, later, as the
telephone criticisms continued to be broadcast, and as
more and more members of even his party expressed
their outrage at the "unfairness 9 of the one candidate's con-
duct of the debate, I sat back to absorb a refresher course
in the emotional power of the word: "unfair".
Few words in our language are so packed with
emotional power. The accusation: "illegal" gives rise to
judicial weighing of legal concepts and possible legal con-
sequences. The accusation "untrue" also causes thoughtful,
though sometimes resentful, consideration of the facts.
But the word: "unfair" rubs a raw, emotional nerve. It
builds sympathy for anyone supposedly treated "unfairly"
and, at the same time, provokes often unwarranted hostility
toward whoever is alleged to indulge in such unjust treat-
ment of another.
People will accept with some tolerance many
impositions which would seem to be more offensive, but
when "unfairness" is accused, rational judgment is aban-
doned and hostile emotion takes over. Instantly there is the
63
mental picture of the bully taking unjust advantage of the
innocent underdog.
This was learned by labor unions in the early
days of their organization. In fact, the word: "unfair" was
so prevalent on picket signs, that its use by labor unions is
included in the definition of "unfair" in the dictionary as
an example of its use.
The fact is that the word: "unfair" is a push-
button emotional word which can be used to attract sym-
pathy to yourself and arouse hostility toward your oppon-
ent.
I am simply pointing out a powerful psycholog-
ical fact. If you choose to use it, and how and to what
extent you choose to engage in psychological warfare— is
up to you.
64
Chapter 14
Plant Quarters -Reap Happiness
Did you ever find money?
When you were walking along a sidewalk or
through a parking lot or in the aisle of a store, have you
ever glanced down and found a bright, shiny quarter?
If you have unexpectedly found a quarter,
think back and try to recall exactly how pleasantly surprised
and happy you felt. You picked it up, perhaps looked at it
for a moment with a feeling of being lucky, and maybe
even told others of your good luck. Many people keep the
money that they find. They put it in a special place as
tokens of their good luck and as reminders that they are
lucky.
Now, actualy there isn't anything very impor-
tant about unexpectedly finding a quarter.
Or is there?
It isn't the value of the money. A quarter won't
buy much these days. The value is in feeling that— suddenly
—you are lucky! It may even start you feeling that now
65
your luck has changed for the better.
Is this really important? Yes! Very important!
Psychologists will tell you that it is not what happens, but
how you feel about what happens, which actually matters.
Mental capacities are not nearly so beneficial as mental
attitudes. You become what you think you are.
And, it just so happens, that one of the most
beneficial mental attitudes you can have is that you are
lucky.
Success counselors will advise you to get and
keep "that lucky feeling." Why? Because it makes you
expect to get the good things in life. And what you
expect to get— you get!
I want to encourage that lucky attitude in
people. So I plant quarters for them to find. I stoop on
the sidewalk to tie my shoe lace and place a quarter next
to my shoe before I walk off. In a parking lot, I examine
my rear tire and inconspicuously place a quarter beside it
before driving away. In a store, I stop to examine mer-
chandise and secretly leave a quarter beside it.
Of course, I never look back. I never stand
around and watch to see who finds my quarters. That
would spoil my imaginings of the delight of a lucky child,
the surprise and unexpected pleasure of a grown-up who
for a fleeting moment can become a child again, finding
"treasure". If I don't look back, I can imagine what I will.
Like all coins, there are two sides to my planted
quarters: the "good luck" feeling they give the finders and
the fun I get playing this simple little game with Life.
Why don't you try planting quarters, too?
66
Chapter 15
Practice (In Your Imagination) Makes
Perfect
The only way you can really become an expert
in almost any endeavor is to practice intensively in your
imagination. That's what the professionals do. And a
professional either does it right— or he doesn't get paid.
That's what the experts do— and that's how they got to be
experts.
So practicing in your imagination is not some
kind of hocus-pocus. It is the proper (and now accepted)
use of the soundest psychological and physiological prin-
ciples.
In golf you couldn't possibly think of all the
things you must do to make a perfect drive, stroke or putt
—while you are doing them— any more than you could
consciously direct each intricate movement of your hands
and fingers while playing the piano or typing a letter.
67
You simply cannot think that rapidly with your
conscious mind, so that job is delegated by nature to your
subconscious mind which operates at miraculous speed
and with perfect accuracy. In fact, your subconscious mind
directs almost everything you think, feel or do— from
operating your heartbeat to providing the goal-seeking
procedure by which you make a fortune if that's what
you instruct it to do.
Let's see how you practice in your imagination
(by using your subconscious mind) in sports. Take bowl-
ing. First, you must learn how to bowl with as perfect
form as possible. You do this by taking lessons from an
expert, by watching champions bowl and by studying the
many excellent self -instruction books written and illustrated
by the best bowlers in the world.
Then, having thoroughly learned exactly what
to do, you practice. You practice in two ways: (1) Actual
practice by really bowling (preferably under the watchful
eyes of an expert instructor ) . ( 2 ) You practice each move-
ment in your imagination, over and over again— having
first learned to do it perfectly. It is absolutely essential
that you know how to do it perfectly, before you practice
in your imagination, because that's exactly how you will
do it in the future.
How do you practice in your imagination?
First, you relax in an easy chair in a quiet room away from
all distractions. (You don't have to, but it's best.) Then
you, mentally, take each perfect movement at a time and
consciously visualize your performing that movement to
perfection. Over and over again.
68
Actually you are impressing mental pictures of
your executing the movement perfectly— into your sub-
conscious mind. It is vital that you know that your sub-
conscious mind cannot understand instructions from your
conscious mind except in the form of mental pictures.
If your subconscious is shown the word "lif t", it will receive
only the individual letters "L-I-F-T" which will mean
nothing to it except how to spell the word. But if your
conscious mind frequently impresses into your subconscious
mind the mental picture of your imparting a "lift" to your
bowling ball by squeezing your fingers at the instant of
release, your subconscious mind will make that 'lift" a
part of your actual bowling delivery and you will get
many more consecutive strikes because of the extra "spin"
imparted to your ball.
It is a proven psychological principle that
whatever mental pictures you impress into your subcon-
scious mind, those exact mental pictures will be material-
ized into reality. So be sure your mental pictures are per-
fect.
That is the advantage of practicing in your
imagination. You can practice perfection. But when you
actually practice by physically performing all the intricate
actions, you cannot concentrate on each rapid, individual
movement to perfection and so you actually are practicing
how to do it wrong instead of right.
Practice does not "make perfect," as the old
saying used to tell us. Only practice of perfection makes
perfect. And until you become a real expert, you can only
practice perfection in your imagination.
Physical repetition of an action does not nec-
essarily improve it. Certainly it does not assure perfection.
You may only be teaching yourself how to do it wrong.
Remember the story about the new employee
at the sawmill. The foreman had just instructed him in the
use of a large, powerful electric saw. As the foreman turned
away, he heard the new employee yell, "Ouch!"
When the foreman rushed back to see what had
happened, the new employee explained, "All I did was
just put my hand over here . . . well, I'll be damned-
there goes another one!"
Mere physical repetition does not assure per-
fection—or even improvement. You must first learn the
proper form. Then practice perfection in your imagination
by consciously impressing into your subconscious mind
mental pictures of your performing each action perfectly.
Only then are you ready to physically practice and get the
physical "feel" of what you have mentally practiced.
That's how the pros do it, that's how the experts
do it— in every sport and, in fact, in all situations which
require practice to develop proficiency such as public
speaking, selling, meeting people, and just about every
situation you can imagine.
One of the most distinguished, poised and
charming women of our time says that she never enters a
room full of people without first stopping to practice in her
imagination how she will greet each person with friendly
confidence, poise and charm.
If practicing in imagination is the proven way
to perfection— why don't YOU do it, too?
70
Chapter 16
How To Survive
We hear a lot about survival, these days. Sur-
vival from this danger. Survival from that danger. It all
sounds so ominous.
Perhaps we had better make our own do-it-
yourself survival kit.
Let's start by looking at history and see how
survival has been accomplished— starting all the way back
to the beginning of life on this planet.
Basically there have been two consecutive steps
to survival throughout the ages:
(1) FIRST . . . ADJUST to your existing
environment.
(2) Having first adjusted, CONSTANTLY
IMPROVE what you then are.
Let's see how these two survival steps worked
in the past and how they will work in the present.
First, the principle of adjusting to existing
environment: In prehistoric ages and throughout the long
71
evolution of plant and animal life, only those plants and
animals which adjusted to their changing environment
survived.
Those plants which did not adjust to the chang-
ing temperatures, soil, moisture and other growth factors
simply did not survive. Those which did adjust, took the
first necessary step in survival.
The early forms of animal life had to do the
same thing— and more. Animal life had to adjust to the
elements— and it also had to adjust to living in the same
environment with other animals. This adjusting to living
in the same environment with other animals consisted of
fleeing safely when attacked or defeating the other animals
in combat, or "joining them" by making some accommo-
dation which would permit living peacefully together.
Now, let's examine the second necessary step
to survival, which is: Having first adjusted to your environ-
ment, you must constantly improve what you then are.
This is the "law of the jungle". It also is a fundamental law
of life. Survival depends, not only on adjustment, but on
constant improvement which will enable you to keep up
with or, preferably, to surpass competition within your
environment.
For example, in plant life, a pretty little flower
might be well adjusted to the elements of its environment,
but not improve in such a way as to prevent being smoth-
ered out of existence by other plants which constantly
improved in growth, size, strength and in rapidly expand-
ing their area coverage.
72
An animal might adjust to its natural environ-
ment and its relations with other animals and thus tem-
porarily survive— but if that animal did not improve at a
rate equal to, or exceeding, that of competing animals, it
soon would become so inferior that it would no longer
survive the competition of the other animals which had
become increasingly superior.
Thus, by a study of the history of evolution of
all plants and animals, we find that the two steps for
survival set forth at the beginning of this chapter have been
necessary from the first stages of life on this planet to and
including the present.
So let's see how these two steps for survival
apply to various situations in present times and let's start
with a specific example: YOU!
Let's apply step number one: Adjust to your
existing environment. In your family, home, neighborhood,
job, business; wherever you are at any time— you first must
"fit in," adjust, cooperate, participate and (you may not
like this word) conform.
What? In a free country? Can't you do what
you like?
Can't you be unconventional? Can't you ex-
press your individuality, no matter how radical? Why
must you "fit in," adjust, conform?
The answer is quick and simple: You must
first "fit in", adjust, conform, in order to "survive". Of
course, I don't mean "survive" in terms of life and death,
although that sometimes has been the case. I mean "sur-
73
vive" in terms of being an effective, acceptable, compatible
personality.
And especially note the word: "first." You must
first "fit in", adjust, cooperate, participate and conform in
your relations to your family, home, neighborhood, job,
business environment. You first must make whatever ad-
justments are necessary to make you acceptable. That gets
you "in" on the best possible terms. Do otherwise and
you just won t be accepted; you 11 arouse opposition, antag-
onism—and reap a harvest of trouble.
Then, having first made whatever adjustments
are necessary to conform to the established requirements
of your environment and thus having been accepted as a
welcome part of the group— you can put the second prin-
ciple of "survival" into effect and begin the process of
improvement.
Let's look at these two principles of "survival"
in a specific instance. Let's assume that you have been
promoted to a position of executive responsibility in your
business. If you start out by not adjusting to your new
environment, if you do not conform to the expectations of
those who promoted you, if you do not cooperate, partici-
pate, "fit in", make yourself an acceptable part of the man-
agement team— you will not "survive" in your new job. Not
doing what is required to be "in", you soon will be "out"—
because you violated the first principle of survival: first
. . . adjust to your environment.
Now, let's suppose you use this first principle
of survival. You adjust to all of the requirements of your
new job environment; you do everything to conform fully
74
to the expectations of those who promoted you; you co-
operate wholeheartedly with all company policies; you
participate enthusiastically in all company activities; you
"fit in" perfectly as an accepted, welcome member of the
management team. Naturally, you "survive" in your new
job. Why? Specifically, because you have used the first
principle of survival which has been proven throughout the
ages since the very beginning of life, itself.
So, being "in", accepted, safe, secure— you are
in a position to use the second principle of survival: Having
first adjusted— improve what you then are. So begin im-
proving yourself, your work-effectiveness, your employee-
management cooperation. Take, as your business motto:
"How can I do it better?" Make constant improvement a
way of life.
The unaccepted outsider who demands im-
provement of our business, social, or political structure will
generate great annoyance, irritation, resentment and resist-
ance—while the accepted conformist can work from the
inside for gradual, acceptable improvement at a rate ad-
justed to the tolerance of that which is to be improved.
The teaching of first adapting, adjusting, "fitting
in," conforming, will not be welcome or acceptable to the
exhibitionists, egocentrics, show-offs and all those who are
burdened by a warped psvchosis which can onlv be fulfilled
by attracting attention to themselves by their own non-
conformity.
Nor will the lessons of this chapter be accepted
by the revolutionaries who attempt to force, emotionally
75
or physically, their own selfish "improvements" on society
from outside the established social structure.
As this is being written, the vast nation of
China, which once was the seat of world culture, learning,
progress and power, has become a depressing example of
the results of being unwilling to adapt, adjust and conform
in any way to any of the various forms of political, social,
economic and moral concepts held by progressive nations
throughout the world. Instead, China persists in vainly
attempting to impose its own archaic political, economic
and social philosophy on underdeveloped nations by infil-
trated revolutionaries from within and open aggression
from without.
As a result, China is ostracized by the outside
world and shattered within its own borders. The correc-
tions which China needs to make are clearly evident from
the lessons of this chapter.
Coming closer to home, we have what amounts
to a kind of Negro revolution here in the United States.
The problem, its cause and cure are far too vast and com-
plex to analyze here. I simply want to apply the two-part
formula, discussed in this chapter, to what is probably the
most difficult and sensitive part of the Negro problem— the
integration of Negro families into all-white neighborhoods.
There is more white resistance to this than any other form
of integration. Why?
Surveys have been made in all-white neighbor-
hoods to find out what are the real reasons for the white
families' rejection of Negro families as neighbors. Know
76
what the real reasons are? You have just read about them
in this chapter!
White families are afraid that Negro families
will not ADJUST, ADAPT and CONFORM to the white
families' standards of morality, cleanliness and maintenance
of property values. The white families interviewed em-
phasized time and again that it was not the color of the
Negroes* skin to which they objected, but they said that
they would be afraid to go out on the street at night . . .
they were afraid that the Negroes would not "keep up"
their property and cause the neighborhood to become "run
down/' They felt sure, almost without exception, that
property values would decrease. I won't continue the list
of anticipated fears and grievances— but I assure you that
every one reflected the white f amilies' firm belief that the
Negro families moving into their neighborhood would
(1) NOT ADJUST, NOT ADAPT and NOT CONFORM
to the present all-white neighborhood standards; they felt
that the Negro families would not "fit in" and (2) that the
Negro families would NOT IMPROVE the neighborhood,
once they moved in.
That is the real problem and until white f amilies
feel sure that those conditions will not take place— all the
civil rights laws, Negro demonstrations, protest marches
and riots will only aggravate the problem, not solve it.
Until men and women of good will— Negro
and white— work together to solve that problem with the
proven principles set forth in this chapter, little progress
will be made. Being a good neighbor, maintaining and
77
improving the neighborhood, obviously has no connection
with the color of one's skin.
The neighborhoods in which most Negroes un-
fortunately have been compelled to live have created an
unfavorable image, which is not justified. This unfavorable
image cannot be improved by Negro activities which arouse
white antagonism and hostility. On the contrary, what is
needed is a persistent effort to obtain justice with good
will, and to provide Negroes with living conditions which
offer them an equal opportunity to conform to the highest
neighborhood expectations of white communities. Wher-
ever this has been done, the Negroes have demonstrated
their ability to achieve acceptance, not by demanding it,
but by deserving it— which is the only way acceptance can
be achieved. The emphasis must be placed— not on mere
permission, obtained by legal or other means— but on
deserved acceptance as a good neighbor.
The principles which originated with the be-
ginning of life on this earth and which are just as valid
today, surely are worthy of your most thoughtful con-
sideration. Have you tried applying them to the various
phases of your own life?
Do you ADAPT, ADJUST, CONFORM to
the highest expectations of all the other people in your
life? Having done this, do you then CONSTANTLY
IMPROVE?
Do you?
78
Chapter 17
"This, Too, Shall Pass"
Long ago, William Cowper wrote: "The dark-
est day, lived till tomorrow, will have passed away."
It has always been, and always will be, so.
Each of our lives will have dark days. And
each dark day will pass. Life, in the wake of its insistent
imposition of tragedy, recants to soothe the hurt with gentle
kindness— another day. And we should let it.
Let our dark days pass and be submerged in
the acceptance which heals our wounds with gradual for-
getfulness. Do not renew the darkness again and again on
successive tomorrows but "let the dead past bury its dead".
Nothing worldly lasts forever. Most troubles,
unless renewed, last but for a little while. You can face
worry, grief, fear and hardship knowing that: "these, too,
shall pass away". So when confronted with the inevitable,
be willing to have it so. There is nothing you can do about
it anyway. So do not cling to it overlong. Avoid the futility
of scrubbing the deck of a sinking ship; if it must sink, it
79
will. You need, instead, to seek another passage.
The door to the future awaits you. Do not
linger behind, looking at a door from the past which has
just closed. It is a law of life that when one door closes,
another opens. We spend too much time looking with regret
at the closed door when we should seek the open door
and move on.
There is much inner strength in knowing that
the darkest day will surely pass. And there is strength, too,
in knowing that you never are given a burden which you
are unable to bear. It is only when you cling to old burdens,
so that you still carry the weight of yesterdays when you
add the burdens of each new day, th^t you falter and break.
Sufficient unto each day are the burdens there-
of. And sufficient is your strength for each day's burdens.
As Dorothy Dix wrote: "I stood yesterday; I can stand
today; I will not permit myself to think about what might
happen tomorrow/'
But what about tomorrow, when today's dark
hours have passed? Of only one thing you can be sure.
Tomorrow will be different— because the only certainty in
life is change. You cannot control what changes tomorrow
will make, but you can influence these changes in your life
—for better or for worse— by your attitude toward each
event and what you do about it. You have a choice, in
attitude and action, so that when life gently closes its door
on a dark day, you can seek and find a door, newly opened,
through which you can walk . . . courageously . . . expec-
tantly . . . into a brighter tomorrow.
Chapter 18
Forget It!
So some little incident, some little annoying
harrassment, irritates you? Forget it! Forget it now! At
once! Give it no further thought.
It will be obliterated by the profusion of events
which will, in turn, occupy your attention next week, next
month, next year. So you will forget it anyway, sooner or
later. Why not now? Why make yourself unhappy for even
one precious minute of your life by harboring resentment,
anger, irritation, annoyance at some minor incident which
you are going to forget sometime, anyway?
Your mind, as a kind of self-defense, will evade
unpleasant, irritating thoughts and tend to turn to more
pleasant areas of interest. So, sooner or later ( and probably
sooner) you are going to forget the minor annoyances of
today. So why let them interfere with your happiness now?
Why let yourself get emotionally stirred up by some insig-
nificant happening which you won't even remember a week
from now, a month from now or a year from now?
81
How quick and complete a forgetter you are,
will have a considerable effect on your own personal happi-
ness and the happiness of others involved, as you go
through life. So here are a few helpful suggestions:
(1) Whenever you are the victim of some
petty annoyance or irritation, ignore it and forget it at once.
You are going to forget it anyway, sooner or later. Forget
it now! Don't let some thing you are going to forget at
some later time give you a week's, a day's, or even an
hour's unhappiness. Forget it now! How? Here's how:
( 2 ) Your mind instinctively wants to spare you
unpleasantness— so help it by . . .
(3) Ignoring the annoyance and occupying
your thoughts and activities with other projects as far
different and as far removed from the annoyance as pos-
sible.
(4) Don't escalate the irritation, don't rub salt
in a raw emotional wound, don't argue, don't respond
irritably— in fact, just don't respond at all. Let the source
of annoyance draw an emotional blank.
Life's little irritations and annoyances can add
up to a large amount of unhappiness— yes, and high blood
pressure, ulcers and all sorts of emotional disturbances— if
you hold on to them until they pile up into a sizable burden.
So, get rid of them as they come— by being too
thick-skinned to be bothered by little emotional mosquito
bites, by ignoring or forgetting at once all minor annoy-
ances as they come.
Don't wait for time and a cooperative or poor
memory to heal your little wound. Don't suffer at all!
Forget it NOW!
82
Chapter 19
Push Your Wheelbarrow Upside
Down
A visitor to a mental hospital saw an inmate
pushing a wheelbarrow upside down. When he asked the
inmate why, the inmate replied, "You don't think Im crazy,
do you? I pushed this wheelbarrow right side up yesterday
and they kept filling it with gravel."
On the basis of his reply, I think the inmate
should be released and a lot of us put in his place.
Too many people, with the best of intentions,
go around pushing their wheelbarrows right side up and
permit almost anybody and everybody to dump their un-
wanted odd jobs, problems, worries and grievances into
them. So they end up pushing the burdens of everybody
else's gravel.
As you push your wheelbarrow through life,
you 11 find many people who will gladly put their burdens
in your wheelbarrow. I suggest you push your wheelbarrow
83
upside down. Be like the man who wrote God a letter
and resigned as Manager of the Universe. Or as janitor!
He really didn't have to resign because he never
was appointed. Nor was I! Nor were you!
He took the vast problems of humanity and
heaped them in his wheelbarrow. Then he pushed his
burden around with him wherever he went. He was un-
qualified, incapable and in no position whatever to solve
these vast problems. ( Nor am I. Nor are you! )
And when other people saw that here was a
man going around collecting problems, they added their
problems to his load. And he added quite a few of his own.
Eventually his burden grew too heavy to bear. Both he
and his wheelbarrow were about to break down, when he
finally showed at least as much sense as the patient in the
mental institution— he turned his wheelbarrow upside
down! And he got instant relief from the useless pressure
and worry of burdens which were not even his!
This is not a plea for indifference to the prob-
lems of others if your personal involvement can help. This
is a plea for selectivity. You cannot solve all the world's
problems, so why worry about them? Nobody elected me
President of the United States, yet too often I find that I
have assumed the burdens of the Presidency. I worry
about what the President should do about this and what
about that. Why? Why should I assume the worries and
burdens of a job I don't want, wouldn't have, and couldn't
get? Yet I worry as much about what the President ought
to do as he does. So I'm turning my wheelbarrow upside
down.
84
I read the daily papers as though they were
directives from on High. I am gravely concerned about
dozens of situations, and diligently try to decide what
should be done about them. Yet none of these situations
affects me. Most of them are in remote parts of the world—
where I never have been and never expect to go. But I am
solving their problems, although nobody has ever, in my
whole life, asked me what my solutions would be! So f m
turning my wheelbarrow upside down.
I have been asked to serve as chairman of
various charity campaigns. I may have qualifications along
that line, but I have a neighbor across the street who is a
real expert in that field. He was a major executive of a large
corporation and devoted his spare time and great talent to
charity fund drives, which he conducted with sensational
success. Then he retired to devote his full time to charity.
So if I am asked to lead a charity campaign, I shall properly
put the job in his wheelbarrow, which is suitably built for
just such a load.
This is not indifference on my part— but selec-
tivity. Mrs. Kopmeyer and I have established the M. R.
Kopmeyer Foundation, into which a substantial part of
our estate subsequently will be channelled. It is a perpetual
trust fund, the income of which will be devoted to the
care and cure of crippled children for generation after
generation. This is what we have selected to put in our
wheelbarrow.
The point is: to be effective, you must be selec-
tive in choosing the responsibilities you will accept. If you
push your wheelbarrow through life right side up, people
will throw their problems, worries, unwanted tasks and
responsibilities into it until you find yourself overburdened
to the breaking point. And if, in addition, you, yourself,
add world, national and general problems which are not
your specific responsibility to solve, you surely will break
under the load.
So push your wheelbarrow upside down until
you select what you want its contents to be. Then your
load, no matter how heavy, will seem light and will be a
joy instead of a burden.
And you will have found a better, a happier,
way of life.
86
Chapter 20
Those Big Signs All Of Us Wear
Psychologists try, somewhat vainly, to teach us
that ALL of us wear big, invisible signs across our chests,
reading:
"I want to be IMPORTANT."
"I want to be ADMIRED."
"I want to be APPRECIATED/'
These big, invisible signs which all of us wear
cannot be seen by your eyesight, but can be clearly read
and understood by your insight. These signs serve two
valuable purposes:
( 1 ) They are WARNING signs, and
( 2 ) They are DIRECTION signs.
Let us first consider how imperative is their
warning:
When a person warns you that he wants to be
important, to be admired, to be appreciated (as every
87
person clearly does), you disregard his warning at great
cost because you insure the inevitability of losing his
friendship and the probability of incurring his enmity. It is
incredible that we would disregard this infallible warning
and ever do, say or write anything which would, even by
implication, depreciate any of the three vital desires (and
needs) which are at the sensitive center of every other
individual's personality.
Yet, we do this constantly— and we will never
know the cumulative cost to our own interests, desires
and objectives, of our usually thoughtless disregard of
this warning. I can only assure you that your loss is so
great as to be incalculable when you disregard the warning
clearly stated on the big, invisible signs which everybody
always wears across his chest, warning:
"I want to be IMPORTANT."
"I want to be ADMIRED."
"I want to be APPRECIATED."
Be sure to visualize those signs every time you
come face to face with every person— or write or phone
him. They are the necessary basis for your dealings with
all people ... at all times ... in all matters . . . under
all circumstances! They are the very essence of success,
itself!
And so, in addition to being warning signs
which warn you where not to trespass, they are direction
signs which clearly point the way in all your relations
with others.
The sure path to success is to give others what
they want or help them get it.
88
Since a person wants to be IMPORTANT (and
everyone does), tell him he is important, treat him as an
important person and, in every possible way, become an
asset to his importance and an assurance that his impor-
tance will not be diminished.
Since a person wants to be ADMIRED (and
everyone does), tell him that you admire him, tell others
that you admire him, and show your admiration for him
as a person, for his achievements, his family, his posses-
sions. Do all these things tactfully, even subtly— because
nothing is more offensive than insincere flattery of an-
other for your own direct or indirect gain. So be sure that
your admiration is genuine and sincere. You can do this
by diligently seeking those attributes and possessions you
sincerely can admire. You'll be surprised (and, I hope,
pleased) at all the admirable qualities, accomplishments,
relations and possessions other people have— if you just
make a sincere effort to look for them! And, you'll find
the effort well worth while.
Since a person wants to be APPRECIATED
(and everyone does), show your appreciation in every
possible way. Unlike admiration, which might be suspect
of insincerity if not tactfully done, there is hardly any way
in which you are likely to overdo appreciation. In fact,
appreciation is almost always too little and too late— and
given with too little imagination!
To fully express appreciation in the usual ways
will earn you a degree of distinction because appreciation
is seldom fully expressed, if at all. But to use a little
imagination, to go to a little extra trouble and expense in
order to more deeply express your appreciation will mark
you as a person for whom it is especially pleasant to do
favors.
The methods by which you can imaginatively
express appreciation are so varied and unlimited, I shall
leave them to your own invention— and only suggest a few:
(a) Instead of just a "thank you" note, send
a telegram. It's quick and easy to dictate a telegraphic
"night letter" over the phone to a Western Union operator.
And "night letter" telegrams are very inexpensive. But
such a "thank you" telegram will surprise, please and
impress the recipient. (Be sure it is marked: "Deliver—
do not phone," because a delivered telegram is more im-
pressive. )
(b) If you have informally expressed your
appreciation by phone, then promptly confirm it by regis-
tered mail, starting your letter with tongue-in-cheek for-
mality such as: "Confirming my telephone conversation of
this morning, I want to make it a matter of written record;
therefore I say . . . 'Gee, thanks!!!'"
(c) Just the right little "thank-you" gift with
an accompanying note is evidence that you are thoughtful
as well as grateful— if the gift is appropriate, unusual and
inexpensive. An expensive gift gives the impression that
you are trying to "pay off" the obligation, instead of sin-
cerely expressing appreciation for a favor.
Those are just a few ideas I know will work.
You can take it from there.
More important: remember that ALL of the
people you deal with have big, invisible signs across their
chests, which warn and direct:
"I want to be IMPORTANT."
"I want to be ADMIRED."
"I want to be APPRECIATED."
Heed the warnings and follow the directions
of those signs— and you will be amazed at the immediacy
and extent of your personal success!
91
Chapter 21
Count Your Blessings
Schopenhauer, the philosopher of gloom and
doom, did give us the basis for at least one happiness-
producing technique when he said, "We seldom think of
what we have, but always of what we lack."
Thank you, sir; we'll take it from there!
The easiest way to be unhappy is to spend a
lifetime ... or a day ... or an hour ... or even a minute
. . . regretting what we do not have.
This is the quickest way to be unhappy, be-
cause it is always available and the material is abundant.
Each of us, no matter how fortunate, can think of an
unlimited number of things we would like to have, but
have not.
So, if we choose, we can spend a lifetime suffer-
ing the bitterness of regret. Or a lesser time— since the
choice is ours.
But who wants to? Do you? If so, rush to your
nearest psychiatrist! Or thoughtfuly read the rest of this
brief chapter.
92
Thinking regretfully about the things you do
not have, not only is the easiest way to be unhappy, but
also is the one cause of unhappiness which is most easily
cured. So, since most of us have this unhappy habit to
some extent, let's get on with the easy cure.
Limit your wants. Cut down your wants to the
barest essentials. Be acutely conscious that you do not
really need, you do not really want, but a very few abso-
lutely essential things— which you already have or can
readily obtain. Eddie Rickenbacker with his companions
drifted in life rafts, hopelessly lost in the Pacific Ocean for
21 days. When asked what was the biggest lesson he
learned from this ordeal of terrible suffering, he said: "If
you have all the fresh water you want to drink and all the
food you want to eat, you ought never complain about
anything/*
Does this mean you have to be satisfied with
a life consisting only of fresh water and enough food? Cer-
tainly not. But it does suggest that you can avoid unhap-
piness and attain happiness by confining what will make
you contented and happy to the fewest possible necessary
things— then everything else desirable which you obtain
will add to your happiness. It's just as simple as that.
Thus you can go through life adding something
—perhaps a lot of things— to your happiness every day.
Every good thing you do or get— no matter how little— will
add to your happiness. You will be increasingly happy,
because you not only will possess what you have decided
you really need, but you will have a happiness bonus in all
the additional good things you acquire as you daily try to
93
improve— without the unhappy pressure of urgent need.
Then imprint your happiness for the abundance
of your blessings visibly upon your personality by being
grateful. Count your blessings— not your unfilled wants.
Count your blessings with such mental and emotional
emphasis that your personality becomes radiant with the
sheer joy of being alive!
Count your blessings because psychologists
consider this to be the easiest and most effective of all
mental, emotional and physical therapies.
Count your blessings, not just before you go
to sleep at night and as soon as you awake in the morning,
but during the many brief intervals of each day's living.
Count your blessings. Be deeply grateful for
them. Be radiantly joyful because of them.
Count your blessings— gratefully— for they are
the divine gifts of Life to YOU.
94
Chapter 22
The Epidemic Of Hate
It is an inspiration to see a community— and
sometimes an entire nation— unite to ward off or to alleviate
an epidemic disease. The mobilization of all necessary
resources is effected with urgency and total disregard of
cost. There is an all-pervading selfless sacrifice.
Recently, in Britain, because of an epidemic
of hoof-and-mouth disease, 450,000 fine cattle were de-
stroyed by their owners. Entire herds representing almost
the total assets of thousands of cattlemen were slaughtered
and destroyed at a total loss.
Everywhere, throughout the "World, epidemics
ranging from malaria or typhoid to measles or mumps are
put down with organized urgency. Cost is no considera-
tion. Sacrifices are routine and universal. Massive assistance
pours in from surrounding, and even distant, communities.
If the epidemic is of sufficient magnitude, other nations,
including so-called unfriendly ones, send aid.
95
But all this urgency, this sympathetic assist-
ance, this total disregard of cost, seems to apply only to
epidemics of physical disease.
What about epidemics of mental-emotional-
spiritual disease?
This nation— and the entire world— is engulfed
in an epidemic of hate. If we knew as much about mental
health as we know about physical health, we would con-
sider an epidemic of hate to be as dangerous as an epidemic
of malaria or typhoid.
First, let us be sure we are not setting up a
straw man with which to joust. Is there really an epidemic
of hate abroad in the world?
The evidence is conclusive. The supporting
facts are clear— and everywhere. We are not approaching
a crisis— we are in the midst of one. An epidemic of hate!
Hate is not a physical disease. It is a mental-
emotional-spiritual disease and must be treated as such.
The physical damage is the result, not the disease, itself;
yet most proposed cures would treat the physical results
of the epidemic of hate and not its mental-emotional-
spiritual causes.
One of the problems is that there is not just
one hate, but an all-pervading complex of different hates,
interwoven in the fabric of our lives. Each hate has a
different cause, which requires a different cure. The hate
of one group is the exact opposite of the hate of a different
and, perhaps, opposite group.
And there we find a basic cause which may
provide a partial beginning for a cure. It is in the con-
96
f rontation of different and opposite groups ( or individuals ) .
Hate is spawned in the very fact of their being different
and opposite. There is a natural predisposition for this to
occur, and knowing this fact leads toward partial solutions
of the problem.
There are three obvious solutions to the hate
which results because individuals, groups or nations are
different and, to a substantial degree, opposite:
(1) Know that being different and opposite
does not always, and need not ever, cause hate.
(2) Seek, recognize and emphasize similar-
ities.
(3) Tolerate differences.
Those three actions would at least provide a
beginning toward de-escalating the epidemic of hate which
now so completely engulfs us.
But it would be only a beginning. There are
so many hates, for so many reasons, among so many indi-
viduals, groups and nations, that this brief chapter can only
point out the existence of their epidemic proportions and
the seriousness of the result. Since it is the purpose of this
book only to provide the subject matter for stimulated
thought and to encourage each reader to pursue such
thoughts to his own conclusions, it is proper to leave this
problem with you for you to think about and to act upon
to the extent you choose. And so I turn it over to you—
with this final suggestion:
An epidemic of hate cannot exist in an atmos-
phere of good will. Perhaps our first task must be the
creation— somehow— or a deep, sincere, all-pervading at-
97
mosphere of good will among all individuals, groups and
nations.
You will recall hearing that this thought was
expressed before— some 2,000 years ago. It promised then,
as it does now, that when there is good will among men,
we shall have peace on earth.
98
Chapter 23
The Gentle Art Of Letting Alone
Having retired at the rather early age of fifty
so that I could devote my full time to helping others, I have
undertaken numerous projects, which it is not the purpose
of this book to describe— except one, which follows.
I have been interested in exploring the ques-
tion of why people— almost all of us— get involved in so
much unpleasantness, so many problems, so much trouble.
It seems to be a natural human failing.
I started by analyzing, insofar as I could re-
member, my own past propensity for becoming involved
in unpleasantness, problems and all sorts of difficulties,
small, medium and large. To my own half -century of trou-
ble-involvement, I added that of many other people whom
I have known or read about. So my "sample", as researchers
would call it, was quite large and adequately diversified—
at least sufficient to provide some helpful conclusions which
I now would like to share with you.
99
First, let us concede that there are a number
of dedicated trouble-makers among us who for various psy-
chological reasons, are impelled to cause trouble. Later,
in this chapter, we shall discuss how to deal with them.
But it is the inadvertent trouble-involvement
of the rest of us which we principally want to consider
now.
After considerable study of this strange phe-
nomenon, it turns out that, in most cases— all avoidable—
we, ourselves, are the culprits! We unintentionally and
inadvertently do, say or write things which are the sub-
sequent causes of our own troubles. Or we unnecessarily
escalate potential trouble into real trouble. And often we
persist in an action-reaction sequence which not only main-
tains our trouble-involvement, but increases it.
We haven't learned the GENTLE ART OF
LETTING ALONE.
In most cases— all avoidable— we initiate our
own troubles by two actions: (1) Unnecessary involve-
ment or, much worse, oo^r-involvement, and (2) Unneces-
sary reaction or, much worse, ot;er-reaction. Let us briefly
examine both of these methods by which we unnecessarily
and inadvertently cause ourselves trouble.
( 1 ) Unnecessary involvement or over-involve-
ment:
It is not necessary that we join every conflict,
take sides in every cause (especially controversial causes)
and thus gain an additional supply of enemies. Yes, ad-
mittedly, we may also gain some friends, but the enemies
made in controversy seem to remain long after the friends
100
we made have faded into acquaintances. Anyway, there
are many quicker, easier, better ways to make friends. But
there are few quicker, easier, better ways make enemies.
We should use the GENTLE ART OF LET-
TING ALONE.
Over-involvement in too many causes diffuses
our time, dissipates our energies and disorganizes our lives.
We do not have to accept every task, shoulder every re-
sponsibility, assume every burden which may.be offered
us or even thrust upon us. We must do as recommended
in Chapter 19: PUSH OUR WHEELBARROW UPSIDE
DOWN or people will throw their burdens into it, thus
making them our burdens. If we go about, collecting bur-
dens at random, we shall soon break under their weight.
Nobody made us General Manager of the Uni-
verse and we do not have to accept the responsibilities of
personally solving many, if any, of its vast problems. Nor
are we required to worry about how others (who have
been elected, selected or employed for such purpose) man-
age situations which only remotely affect us, if at all. Cer-
tainly, we should not plunge physically or even mentally
into every crisis which does not involve us. There will be
enough which do.
We need to learn and to practice the GENTLE
ART OF LETTING ALONE.
Now, how about the other way in which we
initiate our own troubles?
(2) Unnecessary reaction or otter-reaction:
Almost everybody has a built-in instinct to
react. Human reaction is not always a cause of trouble.
101
It can be the cause of much happiness. Human reaction
rims the full scale from the highest degree of ecstasy to
the most violent degree of hatred.
We shall confine our discussion here only to
some of the trouble-escalating forms of reaction and over-
reaction— especially to our responses when our feeling of
importance (real or imagined) is demeaned or attacked.
Our natural instinct is to react in defense of our feeling
of importance, using such weapons as we think appro-
priate, ranging from sarcastic, insulting, or threatening
responses (written or oral or even implied) to physical
attack (overt or subversive).
Thus WE escalate trouble, and if we over-
react, we magnify it at the same time.
Our adversary then becomes our enemy and
in turn, reacts or over-reacts accordingly. What started as
a spark is fanned into a blaze which becomes a serious fire
and finally an inferno.
Why?
Because WE unnecessarily reacted or, worse,
over-reacted.
The way to prevent escalation of trouble is
not to escalate it yourself. Just because somebody starts the
fire of trouble you don't have to pour gasoline on it! In fact,
you will do better to do nothing. Then it will remain your
adversary's fire to burn his own fingers in the tending.
The best reaction to would-be trouble-makers
is to completely ignore them. Nothing is more defusing to
another's explosive temper than total indifference. As a
response to an affront, indifference is much more effective
102
than indignation. It turns the quarrel off. There cannot be
a one-person quarrel. But be sure that your indifference is
genuine. You must really feel indifferent, both for your own
tranquility and to be able to express your indifference with
disarming non-response. Counting to 10 or to 10,000 while
you are seething inwardly, will do little good. You must so
genuinely ignore the matter that it obviously is too incon-
sequential for you even to notice.
Never react or over-react in anger. If you do
not become involved, you cannot escalate a quarrel. Com-
pletely ignore it.
The way to avoid most troubles is to apply the
GENTLE ART OF LETTING ALONE.
And, specifically, which situations should you
LET ALONE?
Here are two of many examples.
Use this simple test. Ask yourself these ques-
tions:
If you would carry out the action considered:
(a) Would you threaten to cause LOSS? Any
threat invites antagonistic response, but the threat of LOSS
provokes instant hostility. People will compete for gain,
but they will fight to avoid loss. Never do, say or write
anything which threatens to cause loss to another. LET IT
ALONE!
(b) Would you belittle another's feeling of
importance? This chapter has warned against your reacting
offensively to such a situation, but the odds are that another
will respond with often a surprising degree of antagonism
to any demeaning of his precious feeling of importance. If
10S
you cannot add to another's feeling of importance— LET IT
ALONE!
These are but two of many examples of situa-
tions to which you should apply the GENTLE ART OF
LETTING ALONE.
It would be constructive and rewarding for you
to complete the list for yourself.
104
Chapter 24
Save For Your Old Age! :
MEMORIES!!!
It is one of the first essentials of prudent self-
management to save financially for your retirement years.
Save money regularly. Keep it safely.
But saving money for your old age is not
enough.
Save pleasant memories too! Lots of them! And
keep them safely, because you'll need them as much as
money— when the inevitable time comes that you cannot
see very far forward, but can see a long way back.
Saving pleasant memories can make all the
difference between sunset years of happiness, and gloomy,
saddened years of regret.
So start your own MEMORY BANK. Keep in
your Memory Bank all of your happy memories and make
regular deposits of additional pleasant memories. Deli-
berately build a big reserve of happy memories— and don't
105
keep a debit of unhappy memories which will cancel out
the happy ones.
Here's how to start and operate your own
MEMORY BANK:
( 1 ) Start now. Today! Don't put it off another
day.
(2) Keep a written record of your pleasant
memories, supplemented by photographs, picture post
cards, descriptive folders, menus of outstanding restaurants
where you have dined, even match-book covers and other
mementos. Don't depend on your memory. You'll surely
forget dates, names, places— even entire events. And you
will forget increasingly as you grow older, which is exactly
when you will have the most time and the most need for
all the happy memories you can acquire. The best way to
keep all this miscellaneous assortment of notes, folders,
menus, and other mementos is in a scrapbook. Not in a file.
Files are excellent for segregating papers by dates and sub-
jects—but the joy of a scrapbook Memory Bank is in the
browsing and the little surprises of discovering again some
happy event of the past which you had forgotten.
(3) Go back over your past— now— and re-
trieve, note down and paste in your Memory Bank scrap-
book all the happy occasions you can remember. Don't
delay. Your happy memories are golden. They are much
too valuable to trust to a human mind, the capacity of
which to recall past events fades with every passing day.
(4) Then keep your written deposits in your
Memory Bank up to date. Don't let them accumulate again
until it becomes a project. Keep the feeling that making a
106
memory deposit in your Memory Bank is more important
(and more lasting) than making a money deposit in your
bank.
(5) Make memories! This is probably the most
important and rewarding thing you ever will do. Before
you can deposit money in your bank, you first must make
that money. So it is with memories. Before you can make
a written memory deposit in your Memory Bank, you first
must make that memory. Often memory material just hap-
pens, but you have to be alert to remember, record and
deposit it in your Memory Bank scrapbook— promptly.
But it's more fun to consciously and delib-
erately make memories that you will want to keep and
treasure throughout the years. Here's how:
(a) Go to interesting, unusual and memo-
rable places. Take photographs, save picture post cards,
folders, mementos. Put them in your Memory Bank scrap-
book promptly. And be sure to date them. I learned that
from actual experience. I've been to lots of interesting and
memorable places, but because I failed to keep a record of
dates, I can't remember when I went where! It may not
seem important at the time, but in later years you'll find
yourself wondering, "Now, just when was that?"
(b) Do interesting, unusual and memorable
things. It may seem inconvenient, foolish or foolhardy at
the time; it may require physical or social courage— but
if it will make a memory to keep a lifetime in your Memory
Bank— do it! Then you can say, "The time I rode that ele-
phant ..." or, "When I went down the rapids of Snake
River on a rubber raft ..." or, "When I asked the Sultan
107
if he spoke English ..." or just, "The best steak I ever
ate was in an out-of-the-way little restaurant in ... " or
even, "When I wrote the Senator about that, he wrote me
»
(c) Meet and talk with interesting and memo-
rable people. (Make a note of it in your Memory Bank
scrapbook— with the date. ) It is easy to meet and talk with
interesting and memorable people. In fact, this is the one of
the quickest and easiest ways to make memories to put
in your Memory Bank.
There are so many methods of starting con-
versations that they would fill a book. Since that isn't the
subject or purpose of this book, there isn't space to go into
detail, but here is just one of many easy, effective methods
of meeting and talking with interesting and memorable
people: Simply walk up to each of them and courteously
say, "Mr. Blank, I understand that you are an authority
on (name of subject). I would greatly appreciate your
telling me if ( question that can be answered briefly) ." You
can continue your conversation if the time and situation
seem appropriate. Whether you have a brief or a long
discussion, you will have accomplished your purpose,
which is to meet and talk with an interesting, memorable
person. You will have done that even if the other person
discourteously (which is very unlikely) tells you to go
jump in the lake! What an amusing item for your Memory
Bank!
( d) If you can't meet and talk with interesting
and memorable people, write to them. Be sure to write
personal complimentary letters which require a (preferably
108
brief) reply. Just writing letters of commendation in the
hope that you will receive a courteous acknowledgment,
will produce too meager material for your Memory Bank.
Always write for a reply which will give you information
or an opinion. Then you'll have, not only an interesting
Memory Bank deposit, but useful conversational material.
Important people are accustomed to, and staffed for, an-
swering mail, so you 11 almost certainly get an answer to a
properly written question. Here's a simple outline to fol-
low:
Start with a sincere and deserved compliment.
Ask an intelligent, thought-provoking question on a subject
upon which the person you write is a known ( or presumed )
authority. Be sure your question can be answered briefly
and does not require time-consuming research. Have a
good reason for needing the answer and state your reason
briefly. Express gratitude in advance. Do not give the im-
pression that you intend this to be the beginning of a con-
tinuing, extended exchange of correspondence. Busy people
do not want to become involved with perennial letter-
writers.
Memory Banks are much too personal and
private for public exposure, except to provide interesting
bits of conversation on occasion. By their very nature they
contain too much ego-involvement and I shall not bore
you by turning this chapter into an autobiography under
the pretext of furnishing an example.
In return for such considerations, I beg you to
do one thing— not for me— but for yourself. Start your own
Memory Bank now. Keep a written record of your pleasant
109
memories, supplemented by photographs, picture post
cards, descriptive folders, menus of outstanding restaurants
where you have dined, even match-book covers and other
mementos. Keep these in a big scrapbook where you can
browse at random, recalling the happy events of the past
which the flight of years otherwise would have erased.
Then consciously, deliberately, make pleasant
memories which you can deposit frequently in your scrap-
book Memory Bank. Go to interesting, unusual, memorable
places. Do interesting, unusual, memorable things. Meet
and talk with interesting and memorable people. Or write
to them with a question on the subject on which each is
an authority.
By doing those things you will make many
pleasant memories to enjoy as you travel life's way. Most
important of all, you will store up treasures to count again
and again during those long, vacant hours which too often
make up our later years. Your own Memory Bank will turn
empty old age into a full, joyous sunset of life!
110
Chapter 25
How YOU Can Radiate Personal
Magnetism Like Movie And T. V. Stars
Except for "character" actors who specialize
in portraying unpleasant, anti-social parts, the real stars of
movies and television are those who radiate personal mag-
netism.
Since this is the secret of their attraction of
other people, not only on stage, but in public (and in-
timately), it is obvious that radiating personal magnetism
is a technique which surely should be used by everyone
who wants to be popular and successful. You can do it as
easily and as well as any famous personality if you are
willing to devote the next few minutes to learning how to
do it— and then practicing in all those little wasted spaces
in life when you wonder what there is interesting to do.
First, it is well to know that in those fields of
endeavor which require personal magnetism (and these
include most situations involving being with people) the
HI
not-too-generally-known information on the next few pages
may be of tremendous value. However, if you infrequently
associate with others or if you prefer to be drab and un-
interesting, you can skip the next few pages and miss the
opportunity of being attractive to others regardless of your
age or physical appearance.
Let's read again those last few words. Being
able to radiate personal magnetism has nothing whatever
to do with your physical appearance or your age. There are
a lot of charming, little old ladies with happy faces wrinkled
with smile-lines, who radiate an exciting personal mag-
netism which makes most swim-suit models mere walking
statues by comparison!
So don't count yourself out because of your age
or personal appearance. There is nothing you can do about
your age— but enjoy it. And there is little you can do about
your physical appearance— except improve it from the in-
side, which is what part of this chapter is about. So let's
get started:
To use the movie and T.V. star technique of
radiating personal magnetism to attract other people re-
quires that you do three things:
(1) Generate an INNER "GLOW".
(2) Radiate an OUTER "GLOW".
(3) SMILE with your EYES!
So . . . how do you (1) Generate an inner
"glow"? Naturally, you cannot radiate magnetism you
haven't got. So how do you get it? The technique of
(1) Generating an inner "glow" (personal magnetism) is
to consciously arouse a feeling which is a combination of
112
alertness, excitement, exhilaration, elation, anticipation,
confidence and emotional power. Then be acutely aware
of an intensification, a surging build-up of these feelings,
while you consciously are keeping this combination of
emotions restrained and controlled— but ready to release
to whatever extent you will. This will produce a vibrant,
inner tenseness which has the exciting qualities of the
combination of feelings and emotions just described. In
this way you generate the inner "glow" (personal mag-
netism) which you can "project" or "radiate" to others.
Frequently practice arousing this combination
of feelings within you. First practice while you are alone,
preferably in a quiet place where there will be no distrac-
tions. Make a written list of the feelings you want to arouse.
Write them in the following order on a small card or piece
of paper. Then practice . . . practice . . . practice:
Alertness . . . excitement . . . exhilaration . . .
elation . . . anticipation . . . confidence . . . emotional power!
Intensify each feeling— one at a time:
First, feel ALERT! Feel a keen sense of aware-
ness of yourself and your surroundings. Feel watchful . . .
ready to act . . . ready to respond— instantly!
Then feel a sense of EXCITEMENT! Come
alive! Feel a thrill running through your nervous system!
Breathe a little faster!
Now, feel EXHILARATED! Give yourself an
emotional lift! Step up your emotional charge!
Then feel ELATED! Get that "sitting-on-top-
of-the-world" feeling!
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Next feel ANTICIPATION! Feel that "some-
thing wonderful" is about to happen!
Then feel CONFIDENT! Very confident! Feel
that you are going to get what you want! You are going
to do what you want to do! You are sure of yourself!
Absolutely sure!
Finally, feel a sense of EMOTIONAL POWER!
Know that you can make others feel your emotional power!
That you can radiate your emotional power! That your
emotional power surrounds you like an aura! That anyone
near you can feel it intensely!
Practice arousing these emotional feelings with-
in yourself. Begin by practicing them one at a time— in
the order given. Then see how intensely you can feel each
one. Next hold the first feeling while you add another . . .
and another . . . and another. Finally you will be able to
combine ALL of these feelings into one powerful feeling
of personal magnetism!
Now, you must learn the secret of maintaining
and using personal magnetism!
Having aroused the emotions just listed, you
must make them magnetic by consciously restraining them
and deliberately keeping them under your personal control.
It is this conscious restraint, this deliberate control, that
generates the intensity of feeling which produces personal
magnetism. It is the deliberate maintaining of this inner
tenseness which produces magnetic power. It is the con-
scious personal control which enables you to direct this
magnetic power— when, where, and to what extent you
choose.
114
You now have learned step ( 1 ) of the personal
magnetism secret of the movie and television stars and
all other magnetic personalities: (1) Generate an INNER
"GLOW".
Now for step (2) of their secret, which is:
(2) Radiate an OUTER "GLOW".
Since you have learned to (1) Generate an
inner "glow", it is quite easy to radiate it outward, to
project it to others. You simply develop the "feeling" of
doing so. You "feel" that you are surrounded by an aura
of radiant personal magnetism— just as a real magnet is
surrounded by what is known in science as a "magnetic
field". You develop the conscious feeling that you can
attract anything you want within your "magnetic field".
Practice the powerful technique of projecting
your magnetic personality to others. Practice the "feel" of
being able to radiate your inner "glow" so that it surrounds
you with an outer "glow" that is your own magnetic field
which influences and attracts others.
Once you have (1) Generated an INNER
"GLOW", you'll find it easy to be able to project it and
thus (2) Radiate an OUTER "GLOW". In fact, if you
have intensely generated an inner "glow", it naturally and
automatically will radiate as an outer "glow".
So now we come to the third step in the three-
part secret of personal magnetism: (3) y SMILE with your
EYES.
Most people think that they should smile with
their mouths. If you try to start a smile with your mouth,
115
it will give you a phoney, superficial look. Try it in front
of a mirror— and see yourself as others see you!
A genuine, sincere smile starts from within
you— not from a fixed position of your lips. You have to
"feel" a smile before you can express it— and when you
do start to express a smile, personality experts have found
that you must start to smile with your eyes!
Try that in front of a mirror! First sincerely,
inwardly feel like smiling. Then smile with your eyes!
Imagine a humorous twinkle in your eyes. Then intensify
it until your eyes are smiling. Yes, you can actually smile
with your eyes! You can even laugh with your eyes! This
isn't some new and surprising discovery of mine. It has
been taught for years by just about all "personality train-
ers" from success counselors to dramatic schools to song
writers. (Remember the old song, "When Irish EYES Are
Smiling"?)
The psychological reason for starting your
smile, first from the inside, and then from your eyes, is
very simple. Whenever you consciously try to express an
emotion (unless you have had years of continuous, pro-
fessional training as an actor or actress) you become self-
conscious. You look positively silly trying to "emote" even
such a simple expression as a smile with your lips. So you
avoid that self-conscious lip expression just by not thinking
about your lips at all. As a matter of fact, you don't think
about any of your facial expression at all. You just "feel"
like smiling and you start expressing that pleasant feeling
with your eyes.
216
Here's what happens (and you can check this
in your mirror): As soon as you "feel" inwardly like
smiling and start expressing that pleasant feeling with a
humorous twinkle in your eyes, your entire facial expres-
sion changes— in a completely natural manner— without
any conscious effort on your part at all!
Your "smile lines" wrinkle automatically around
your eyes. Your eyes, themselves, brighten and become
more intense (and, incidentally, more interesting). Your
lips relax and the corners of your mouth turn upward.
Your cheeks lift, as does the entire expression of your face.
All this happens in a matter of seconds— and without any
self-conscious forcing on your part. You instantly have a
natural, pleasant, radiant, good-humored expression.
This usually is adequate, sufficient— and gen-
erally preferable for most occasions. However, if you feel
like it and if the situation is appropriate, just keep going
into a big, broad, friendly smile. But once you part your
lips and show your teeth, you've got to go all the way to a
big, broad smile. If you open your lips to smile and only
smile half-way, you'll have a self-conscious, simpering
smirk.
The safest and best rule is to sincerely inwardly
feel like smiling . . . then start by smiling with your eyes
. . . and let nature take it from there.
So, if you want to radiate personal magnetism
like movie and television stars, and like the big personality
successes in all walks of life:
( 1 ) Generate an INNER "GLOW"
(2) Radiate an OUTER "GLOW"
(3) SMILE with your EYES!
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Chapter 26
Be Your Own Ghost
One of the best methods of self -improvement
and disciplined effort is to become your own ghost.
This is no hocus-pocus pseudo-psychology. This
is one of the simplest and easiest-to-use, practical psycho-
logical techniques for self-improvement yet developed. It
will produce instant improvement in just about any life
activity to which you apply it.
So, be your own ghost. Haunt yourself into
self -improvement. Here's how it's done:
You just imagine— visualize— the "real you"
stepping outside your own body and standing aside, near-
by, watching yourself (critically) as you perform each
daily activity.
Visualize this technique until you get it very
clearly fixed in your mind. You stand aside from your own
physical body . . . detached . . . impartial . . . carefully
watching and critically studying how well you do each
task.
118
Of course, this is simply "detached, objective
self-analysis". But you'll enjoy it more— and get better
results— if you use your imagination to become your own
ghost to stand outside yourself and see yourself as others
see you.
The whole idea is to critically watch yourself
perform each daily task to see if you are doing it as perfectly
as possible.
For example, your telephone rings. You watch
yourself— through your ghost— to see if you answer your
phone with a cheerful "hello" or if you sound irritated at
the interruption. Your ghost is watching to see if you
mentally "broadcast goodwill" to the other person through-
out the entire telephone conversation. Are you speaking
with a smile in your voice? Do you give your caller the
pleasant impression that his or her phone call is appreci-
ated, and do you express your appreciation in the form
of sincere compliments? Your ghost is watching, listening
—critically, objectively— and will let you know how well
you performed this simple, but important, task of making
each telephone call an event, not an incident.
Make a pal of your ghost. After all, your ghost
is YOU— and if you can't have friendly relations with
yourself, you'll never have friendly relations with anybody
else. So ask your ghost (mentally, of course): "How did
I do?" "How could I have done better?" "What do I need
to learn, to practice, in order to improve my performance?"
Talk it over (again, mentally, of course) with your ghost.
Remember that your ghost has been watching you with
critical detachment— from the outside, as others do.
119
But will not developing the feeling that your
ghost is standing nearby, critically watching you perform
each daily task, give you a feeling of self-consciousness?
Frankly, yes. But it will be a beneficial self-consciousness
—not the kind that causes embarrassment, awkwardness,
fear, panic.
And exactly what is "beneficial self-conscious-
ness"? It is deliberate purpose, definite objective, con-
trolled action. It is planned, conscious self-improvement.
It is not aiming in the general direction of your target-
it is consciously, deliberately, aiming directly, accurately,
expertly at your target.
This is the purpose of being your own ghost:
to stand aside and watch with calm, detached objectivity,
your own performance of your daily tasks, with direct
aim at self -improvement.
It is a psychological technique which is simple,
beneficial and a lot of funl
120
Chapter 27
A Wall And Two Roads
When Robert Frost, my favorite poet, was
asked to explain one of his poems, he replied, "What do
you want me to do— say it over in worser English?"
Such language! And from one of the men who
used our language best of all.
No, Mr. Frost, we don't want you to say it over
in worser English. But I want to say it over. Not that
you didn't make it clear, but because it needs repeating
again and again. Besides, I am much more experienced
in saying things in worser English than you were.
Now that poem you wrote about a wall . . .
You said, "Before I built a wall, I'd ask to know
what I was walling in and walling out. Something there
is that doesn't love a wall, that wants it down."
And your neighbor replied that: "Good fences
make good neighbors."
121
Tve been wondering about that. Did the Great
Wall of China make good neighbors? Did the Maginot
Line in France— a sort of inverted wall, built down instead
of up— make good neighbors? Did the Berlin Wall make
good neighbors?
Then Tve been wondering about my own wall.
You see, I live in Cherokee Gardens— a beautiful place
where it would be highly improper to build a wall of brick
or stone. So we build walls of tall, green, flowering shrubs.
Gives us "privacy," you know. I can relax outdoors in the
warm sun and read or write books without the distraction
of seeing children at play or their little puppy dogs trotting
from somewhere to nowhere, and back again.
Of course I can hear the children's voices and
laughter— but I never quite find out who gets to be Batman
and who is Robin. And I cant see where Hunter (that's
a dog) hides the bones I put outside my wall for him.
So, Mr. Frost, I can understand why, in your
poem, you couldn't quite agree with your neighbor who
firmly insisted, "Good fences make good neighbors." With
you, I wonder do they?
Then, Mr. Frost, there is that poem you wrote
about the "two roads" which "diverged in a yellow
wood" . . .
Being only "one traveler, long you stood and
looked down each as far as you could" . . . then you took
one— as each of us must when we are so often faced in Life
with the choice between two roads, knowing, as you did,
that "we shall never come back."
122
Yes, Mr. Frost, all of us direct our own lives by
our choice of roads. It is a choice we frequently must make.
And each choice is important, too, because, as you said,
"knowing that way leads on to way . . ." our decision is
irrevocable.
How careful we must be in choosing our roads,
because some day we shall look back on all those choices
and say with you . . .
"THAT has made ALL the difference!"
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Chapter 28
"Press On!"
History has not yet decided in which niche to
place the marble bust of President Calvin Coolidge. His
life is still too close to put in proper perspective. It is as
if history were holding his bust as a giant chessman, uncer-
tain where to place it on the chessboard of eternity.
And we, ourselves, haven't thought much about
Calvin Coolidge lately, because we are still caught up in
the excitement of the youthful enthusiasm of a John Ken-
nedy whose ideas and ideals were cut short of the depth
of full maturity and transferred, in a blinding flash of
national shock, to a determined Lyndon Johnson, plodding
doggedly toward his own place in history, to be replaced, in
turn, by cautious, careful Richard Nixon.
In the case of Calvin Coolidge, let us thought-
fuly consider what he said, even as we await the final judg-
ment of history on what he did.
One thing we know. Calvin Coolidge thought
124
clearly and precisely before he spoke. And then he spoke
with a brevity which was notable.
As in the case of his presidential portrait. When
it was hung, he and a companion viewed it discerningly
and at great length, during which neither spoke a word.
Then President Coolidge turned to his friend and quietly
said, "I think so, too." And strode away.
Many people do not know that the President
who seldom spoke, made one of the wisest statements of
all time. President Coolidge said, "Nothing in the world
will take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing
is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius
will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence
and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press
on!' has solved and always will solve the problems of the
human race."
That statement, alone, should assure President
Coolidge's place in history. It should be memorized by
every high-school graduate as a prerequisite to graduating.
If every high school graduate knew that "persistence and
determination alone are omnipotent, and that the slogan
'Press on!' has solved and always will solve the problems
of the human race"— how simple and direct the way to
achievement would be!
How much better it would be to teach that
statement of inspiration and fact by President Coolidge,
than to teach the statement made by his famous predecessor
that "All men are created equal", a preposterous conclu-
sion, which, in the unlikely event you haven't found it out
for yourself, any anthropologist will tell you just isn't so.
125
How much better it is to know that, while by
natural process you haven't been created equal— you still
can, by persistence and determination alone attain a meas-
ure of value, and "Press on!" to become not merely equal,
but superior!
Little good and much harm have come from
unfounded illusions of equality— but almost everything
good has come from persistence and determination.
Equality does not come by natural process, nor
can equality result from environment, nor can equality be
bestowed by some benevolent government. Equality must
be earned by persistent and determined effort— by "pressing
on" to individual achievement.
And nobody need stop when he or she merely
has earned equality— because simply by continuing the
same persistence and determination, simply by "pressing
on", superiority can be attained.
Here in the United States, in this land of free-
dom to achieve to the full extent of one's ability, persistence
and determination— neither equality nor superiority is lim-
ited by race, color or creed. Examples are everywhere!
So let no one say that it cannot be done. Because it has
been done! And it is being done every day!
It is greatly to be regretted that so many people
have been misled into devoting their energies to demanding
equality as a right— when those same energies could have
earned equality or superiority as an achievement.
The way to attain that achievement is the way
President Calvin Collidge said "has solved and always will
solve the problems of the human race." And note that he
126
said "human race"— not any specific race. So, let's sit be-
fore that quiet, thoughtful President and again listen care-
fully as he says:
"Nothing in the world will take the place of
persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than
unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; the world
is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination
alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press on'/ has solved
and always will solve the problems of the human race."
When history gets around to placing that mar-
ble bust of Calvin Coolidge in its niche among the world's
great, I hope it places him up among the high and mighty,
because in his concise, terse way, he told how they became
high and mighty— so that we, too, could become equal or
superior.
127
Chapter 29
How To Avoid Or Get Rid Of
Resentment
Resentment is one of the most prevalent and
dangerous emotional ills that befalls us (or perhaps I
should more accurately say: "that we bring upon our-
selves").
Here is what the psychologists say about re-
sentment:
Resentment is an attempt to excuse (to others
or to ourselves ) our own failure by attributing it to injustice
or unfair treatment by those resented. Habitual resentment
turns inward in the form of self-pity that becomes a chronic
emotional agony which seeks relief in the sympathy and
servitude of others.
There are no more unpleasant companions than
those whose resentment has turned to self-pity. They feel
that others should be dedicated, no matter at what incon-
venience, to providing them with physical, mental and,
128
especially emotional, well-being. They expect (and in-
wardly demand) undying gratitude for favors, attentions
or services, even the most insignificant, which they may
have rendered others in the past. They feel that these
"debts" which others "owe" them must be paid, again and
again, in sympathy, attention and services, and their re-
sentment spreads to include these "debtors" if such "debts"
are not repeatedly paid and repaid.
Thus begins one phase of resentment: self-pity,
which is the cause of much chronic emotional agony and
much mental absorption in negative thinking.
But self-pity is just one of the results of resent-
ment. There is another in which resentment begins with
burning anger and escalates through an upward spiral to
hatred, vengeance, and sometimes murder or insanity. Usu-
ally resentment escalates to intense feelings of hatred,
often to a conscious or subconscious desire for vengeance,
sometimes fulfilled by action.
Much too often does the resentment-hatred-
vengeance spiral culminate in murder. While vengeance is
not the only motive for murder (although it often is a
principal ingredient), and while firearms are not the only
means of murder, it is a shocking statistic that since 1900
more than 750,000 Americans have been shot to death in
their homes, which far exceeds all of the Americans
killed in battle in all the wars in which the United States
has fought.
Even though murder and insanity are unlikely
climaxes for the feelings of resentment which most of us
experience all too frequently, resentment causes so much
129
emotional tension, irritation and often severe anguish that
all of us should:
( 1 ) Learn to avoid resentment.
(2) Get rid of any and all feelings of resent-
ment which we now have (yes, even that pet resentment
we almost enjoy).
It clearly is not intended that this book presume
to be even a partial text on psychology— nor a complete
text on any subject. It is merely a book containing, as
its name describes: "Thoughts To Build On". Its purpose
is to be a thought-starter, to stimulate interesting and, I
hope, constructive thoughts, some of which you may want
to explore further in more comprehensive texts on those
subjects.
So, within the limitations of the purpose of this
book, let's think about resentment . . . how to avoid it . . .
and how to get rid of it if it already is in your emotional
complexes.
Let's start by understanding exactly what re-
sentment really is.
Resentment is an emotional reliving of an un-
pleasant happening of the past. Knowing what resentment
actually is, should help us learn to avoid it, or, having
previously failed to avoid it, learn to get rid of it. More
precisely, resentment is our unfavorable reaction to what
we consider to be an affront to our precious egos or an
attack on our person, relationships or belongings.
Since resentment is a reaction to something
unpleasant which has happened, how do we put a block
between the unpleasant happening and our reaction to it
130
in the form of resentment? In various ways, and here are
a few:
IGNORE it! The cultivated art of being able
to ignore real or imagined unpleasant past happenings will
save you much unnecessary anguish. The past is done.
You cannot change the past no matter how many times
you re-live it in memory. So why suffer the re-living of
unpleasant past experiences? Since you cannot change
them— ignore them and forget them.
"More easily said than done", you may reply.
And, if you are a particularly sensitive person, your excuse
is partially true. Are your "feelings" easily hurt? Are you
overly sensitive to what others say or do, so that you take
offense at the least word or action which does not flatter
your precious ego? Are you "thin-skinned" emotionally so
that the slightest social "cut" is a deep and painful wound?
Then here are some proven, helpful suggestions:
GET TOUGH emotionally. Be like tough Gen-
eral Smedley Butler, when he was commanding general of
the U. S. Marines. "Old Hell-Devil Butler", they called
him. And that wasn't the only name they called him,
either! He said he had been called every unprintable name
in the book. He had been cussed by experts. How did he
react? Did he feel hurt? Was he offended? Did he smolder
in resentment? Not Smedley Butler! He said, "Whenever
I hear someone cussing me, I never bother to turn my head
to see who's talking."
"Yes", you say, "But General Butler was a tough
Marine and I'm just a tender, shrinking violet." O.K.,
Violet, it's time you got over being tender— and stopped
131
shrinking. And you don't have to be a Marine General
tp do it.
You can be an elderly, quiet, courteous, dis-
tinguished gentleman like Bernard Baruch, who calmly
and wisely advised six Presidents. Let wise, thoughtful
Bernard Baruch advise you, too. He said, "No man can
humiliate or disturb me. I won't let him." That's how to
block out resentment before it upsets you emotionally.
Just don't let anyone humiliate or disturb you.
Your physical body has a built-in "thermostat"
which maintains an even body-temperature of 98.6 degrees
no matter whether the temperature outside your body is
below freezing or a sweltering 120 degrees. Consciously
hold "mental pictures" before your subconscious mind, vis-
ualizing yourself as having an "emotional thermostat" which
maintains your emotions at a pleasant, even "emotional
temperature" of relaxed, undisturbed serenity— no matter
how frigid the snubs or how heated the personal attacks
you inevitably will encounter from time to time. Just simply
do not respond nor react to the emotional storms swirling
about you, but be as emotionally unconcerned as "the
ticking of a clock during a thunderstorm".
Another way to avoid developing feelings of
resentment is to adopt the life motto of the great French
philosopher, Montaigne: "A man is not hurt so much by
what happens as by his opinion of what happens." Don't
make a mountain of resentment out of the molehill of some
snub or irritation. Don't "bleed" emotionally from every
insulting "cut". If somebody tries to do a "hatchet job"
on you, don't let the hatchet make even a dent in your
composure and disposition.
132
Remember, your resentment doesn't hurt the
person against whom you harbor the resentment. It hurts
only you. So why deliberately hurt yourself? Mentally
punching pin-holes in some other person's picture doesn't
hurt him or her the least bit— and, sooner or later, you will
stick yourself. If you cant love your enemies, at least love
yourself enough that you won't let your enemies control
your happiness, your disposition and your health.
So, when a resentment-situation arises— ignore
it and forget it. Don't take yourself too seriously— and don't
take other people and the irritating things they sometimes
do, too seriously, either. Just think of something else. Your
mind cannot hold two different thoughts at the same
time, so concentrate on anything but your budding re-
sentment. Keep busy. Lose yourself in work or active
play. If resentment insists on intruding, just laugh in its
face and mentally say to it, "Go away, boy, I'm busy,
don't bother me!" Be too big to be resentful.
Adopt the philosophy of our late President
Dwight Eisenhower: "Never waste a minute thinking about
anyone you don't like."
But suppose a resentment has already taken
root. How do you get rid of it? You will find that the
methods of avoiding resentment described on the preced-
ing pages will also help you get rid of established resent-
ment. Most people accept their having some resentments
as a natural part of life. It is only when they recognize
resentments as persistent causes of unhappiness (and
worse!) that they determine to rid themselves of their
present resentments and to avoid all resentments in the
133
future. So re-read this chapter. It tells you what resent-
ment really is, what unhappiness it can cause you, and how
to avoid it. That brings you a long way toward getting rid
of whatever resentments you now possess (or perhaps I
should say: "now possess you").
But some additional methods are needed if you
are to rid yourself of well-established, deeply-rooted re-
sentments.
One requirement is a sympathetic understand-
ing of the persons you resent. Perhaps they were justified
(or, at least, they thought so) in doing whatever it was
which caused your resentment. I have discovered, by
objective and thoughtful analysis, that actions by others
which I have most deeply resented and which have caused
me the most unhappiness— are actually RE-actions to
something I did first which aroused their antagonism and
thus caused them to act as they did, ultimately causing
my own resentment. Ill bet, if you honestly and objec-
tively analyze each of your resentments, you, too, will dis-
cover that, in many cases, you initially started, or, at least,
you escalated, the events which finally resulted in your
harboring the resentments.
In those cases, your resentments have no valid
cause to exist and, in the light of understanding, should
promptly vanish. Then you need to do one more thing.
Since you caused the other person to act as he did because
of his own resentment toward you, you need to remove his
resentment, too. Do this by apologizing, or by directly or
indirectly making amends, or by whatever appropriate and
effective method is needed to remove his resentment of
134
you. Otherwise, if you permit his resentment to exist, he
will continue to act toward you in a way which will continue
to arouse your resentment. And the vicious cycle will
resume.
In many other cases you will find that the
slurs, slights, rudeness or other annoyances by which people
arouse your resentment are not intentional at all, but are
caused by the very human trait of each of us being pre-
occupied with our own thoughts, plans, problems and
affairs. Others probably are not thinking about how radi-
antly happy it would make you if they greeted you with
extremely cordial enthusiasm. I have learned that it makes
absolutely no difference whether I am greeted cordially,
indifferently, or not at all. I am not running for elective
office, nor am I in a popularity contest. And I can always
attract others' attention by initiating the conversation or
action myself— with the same or better results.
So don't take yourself— or others— too seriously.
The unhappy resentments aren't worth it!
Objectively seek understanding of the origin of
your resentments by looking at them in relation to the
total personal problems, ambitions and points-of-view of
the persons you now resent. You'll find that from their side
they may have been justified— or thought they were— in
doing what you resent. Then, with the addition of whatever
^/-discipline is required, you'll find that your resentments
will fade into the oblivion they justly deserve.
135
Chapter 30
Don't Attract To You -Go To Them!
Personal magnetism is a very desirable quality.
There are great personal benefits to be derived from the
ability to attract others to you. I have written a chapter
in this book (Chapter 25) explaining how you can use
the methods of movie and television stars to develop per-
sonal magnetism, yourself. And I do not propose, in this
present chapter, to retract what I said in Chapter 25
concerning personal magnetism.
I simply want to point out here that there is
another way to influence people favorably— which produces
much the same beneficial results as personal magnetism—
but which works on an almost opposite principle.
To be specific, using the method I now want to
explain, you do not attract people to you— you GO TO
THEM!
Western Union used to feature the slogan:
"Don't write-TELEGRAPH!" There is much merit in
136
that suggestion and I often have, and still do, recommend
it.
Then those of us who trained salesmen and
taught management used to emphasize: "Don't write— don't
telegraph-GO///"
There are great advantages in the admonition
to . . . GO!!!
GO . . . where the business is!
GO . . . where the money is\
GO . . . where the people are!
GO . . . where the action is!
GO . . . where the fun is!
But this chapter isn't about that. This chapter
will explain a simple method of getting another person to
do what you want him to do. To do this you . . . GO!
Here is how:
Find out where another's attention is . . . and
go there with your own conversation. He'll probably think
you are the most interesting conversationalist he has ever
met— because you are talking directly to his attention, ex-
actly where it is focused at that very moment.
Find out where another's interest is . . . and
go there with your own interest, making your interest one
with his. When you take your interest where another's
interest is, when you pin your interests with his, you cement
an alliance which is mutually unbreakable.
Find out where another's beliefs are . . . and
go there with your own beliefs. Use your beliefs to endorse,
confirm, vindicate his beliefs. Combine your beliefs with
his beliefs. Merge your beliefs with his beliefs and you
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will together build a fortress of mutual belief and he will
forever be your ally in defending it.
Find out where another's desires are . . . and
go there with the exact satisfactions to fulfill his desires,
fully and completely. You can attain no greater influence
than the ability and willingness to fulfill the desires of
others . . . exactly . . . completely . . . immediately.
It requires considerable personality training,
ability and technique to attain the personal magnetism to
attract others to come to you. But it requires only willing-
ness and effort to go to them. In either case, you reach the
same goal— the proximity which permits joining together
for your mutual benefit.
For you to accomplish that, by either method,
will require the ability on your part to accurately appraise
the attention, interests, beliefs and desires of the other
person— and to be able and willing to accommodate your
own attention, interests, beliefs and desires to his, so that
you will proceed together in an unbreakable alliance to-
ward a mutually-determined goal.
This proven success-method requires giving
before getting. It is based on the proven premise that it
not only is '"better to give than to receive" but it is "neces-
sary to give in order to receive".
The executive who has a sign on his desk
reading, "Be reasonable, do it my way", isn't kidding.
The buyer who says, "These are our specifica-
tions. Our deadline on bids is two weeks", isn't kidding,
either.
Neither is the personnel manager who says,
138
"Here are the personal qualifications which we require of
all applicants for this particular job/'
It used to be that the way to succeed was to
dominate others, first to pressure, and more recently to
influence, people to do things your way.
Now, the way to succeed is to cooperatively
adjust to the requirements of those upon whom your
success depends. You adjust to the direction of their atten-
tion . . . you adjust to the subject of their interests . . . you
adjust to re-enforce their beliefs . . you adjust to satisfy
their desires.
Doesn't this make you a will-less, jellyfish of
a creature whose only desire is to please? Not at all! It
requires more will-power to relinquish your own demands,
than it does to try to cram them down somebody else's
throat— if you could. It requires more ability to smoothly
adjust, than it does to offensively dominate— if you could.
It requires more intelligence to cooperate than to be ob-
structive—if you could.
Please note that the preceding statements are
followed by: "i/ you could". Because the fact is: YOU
CANNOT. When you are dealing with people upon whose
decisions your success depends: you cannot cram your
demands down their throats, you cannot offensively domi-
nate them, you cannot obstruct their chosen paths to their
goals. You cannot have your way, but you must adjust to
their way.
That does not mean that, once you are on the
team, once you are an insider, you cannot make construc-
tive suggestions. In fact, you 11 be asked to— and expected
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to— when you are "in \ Then, the more improvements you
can suggest, the faster you will succeed.
But I want to briefly review for emphasis:
Attracting people to you is great . . . but going
to them is faster!
Find out where another's attention is . . . and
go there with your conversation. Then his attention will
turn to you.
Find out where another's interest is . . . and
go there with your own interest, making your interest one
with his. When you join your interest with his, you cement
an alliance which is mutually unbreakable.
Find out where another's beliefs are . . . and
go there with your own beliefs which endorse, confirm,
vindicate and re-enforce his beliefs. He will be your con-
stant ally in defending them.
Find out what another's desires are . . . and
go there with the exact satisfactions to fulfill his desires.
You have to give before you can get .
To be a GO-GETTER, you must first adopt as
your life plan, the title of an excellent book . . . and be a
GO-GIVER!
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Chapter 31
"Be Prepared"
There is much wisdom to be found in mottoes.
One of the wisest of all is the motto of the Boy Scouts:
"Be Prepared".
The admonition to "Be Prepared" applies to
almost every facet of life, and since we cannot examine all
in one brief chapter, I'm going to choose perhaps the most
unpleasant— but most needed.
Malcolm Muggeridge said, "Religion wisely as-
sumes misfortune, and so survives, when earthly Utopian
hopes, which must inevitably be disappointed, soon perish".
We should not leave the assumption of mis-
fortune entirely to religion. The acceptance of the inevit-
ability of misfortune, as a frequent or infrequent part of
life, should be individual and not a matter of religion only.
So each of us should "Be Prepared" to accept
such misfortunes as inevitably will come our way, realizing
that life was not made for our enjoyment, but for our living.
141
Nor is it proper for us to complain; because, in
complaining we would, in justice, have to define such of
our terms as "misfortune" and "enjoyment".
Would you describe the ultimate in inevitable
misfortune as being death— that of a loved one, or yourself?
Do you think of lif e as the ticking of a clock which grows
louder with each passing day until it becomes the tolling
of a bell? You don't have to ask for whom the bell tolls.
You know.
Yet, even as the ticking goes on, you must con-
sider the words of Swift, who wrote: "It is impossible that
anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death,
should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil
to mankind."
The ticking reminds us, too, of the words of
an unknown author:
"The clock of life is wound but once,
And no one has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop,
At late or early hour.
"NOW is the only time you own
Live, love, toil with a will;
Place no faith in tomorrow, for
The clock may then be still."
You cannot control the length of your life, but
you can control its other dimensions: its breadth, its depth,
and its height. It is within these dimensions that you live
your unrepeatable miracle, for that's what life is— a miracle
. . . and unrepeatable.
242
Perhaps, life's being a miracle explains our
inability to describe its terms. But even if we do not know
what "misf ortune" is and what it is not, for chameleon-like,
it can change from bad to good, depending on how we
view it, we would do well to "wisely assume" and "Be
Prepared".
Being prepared for the inevitability of what we
assume to be misfortune does not mean that we must dwell
on it, be preoccupied with it, nor dread its certain coming.
We should simply recognize the fact that: "This, too, will
change", and be reconciled to that eventuality so that,
should the inevitability of change lead to less favorable
circumstances, we shall be neither overwhelmed nor even
surprised. And being neither overwhelmed nor surprised
by misfortune, we shall respond as we have prepared to do,
with calm acceptance and serenity.
Thus having prepared for the inevitability of
such misfortunes as we shall meet along the way, we can
continue our journey through life with poise and confi-
dence.
"To be forewarned is to be forearmed" is not
just a physical thing; it is, in the context of this chapter:
mental, emotional, and yes, especially, spiritual. To know
in advance that "not enjoyment and not sorrow, is our des-
tined end or way", is to "Be Prepared" with a realistic
attitude toward life which is not based on the "utopian
hopes", which Malcolm Muggeridge warned: "must in-
evitably be disappointed, soon perish".
So let us be forewarned and therefore fore-
armed—mentally, emotionally and spiritually— to "meet
143
with triumph and disaster", and as Kipling advised, "treat
those two imposters just the same".
Yes, the graph-lines of every life move up and
down. In realizing and accepting this, we achieve, in our
personality, "The Vital Balance" about which psychiatrist
Dr. Karl Menninger wrote. We can "Be Prepared" without
being apprehensive— because it is in the serene knowledge
of our preparedness that we lose our apprehension and
attain that vital balance and composure to meet the inevit-
able vicissitudes of life.
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Chapter 32
TALK! ... A Way To Success
How you talk . . . what you say ... to whom
you say it, and when . . . may well determine the degree
of your success in life.
The foregoing statement is well worth your
study— and re-study— because it may be the most im-
portant statement in this entire book.
To help you learn, in necessary detail: ( 1 ) How
to talk . . . (2) What to say . . . (3) To whom to say it
... (4) When to say it . . . would require an entire book
(perhaps an entire set of books), not just this one chapter.
So, important as this is to you, we can only consider here
a few practical suggestions and hope that you will seek
more detailed information from more specialized books.
Let's start with how to talk fluently— because
that is essential. And let's start with the most horrible
example— me.
I'm using myself as an example for two rea-
sons. First, as a child, I could not talk at all, at least not
145
without stammering so incoherently that I could not recite
in school and had to be excused from making the then-
required high school senior speech. The second reason for
using myself as an example is that I know exactly what
I did to change from not being able to talk, to being able
to talk fluently.
From my own experience, I learned that the
way to learn to talk fluently is to talk.
In the unlikely event that you must start from
the poor beginning that I did, you need to know two
important facts of life: (1) Do the thing and you will
have the power ... (2) Start by doing what you can do
easily, then progress through easy steps to doing the next
most difficult thing.
Since my stammering was caused by self-con-
sciousness, and since most people are, to some extent, self-
conscious— you may benefit by reading this brief account
of how I cured it.
First: "Do the thing and you will have the
power." So I talked . . . and I talked . . .and I talked
. . . and I talked! How? Simply by using the second pre-
cept just described: "Start by doing what you can do
easily, then progress through easy steps to doing the next
most difficult thing."
In my case, since I stammered, I started by
"talking" silently to myself. I went through all the talking
impulses and motions, but I deliberately did not make a
sound. Since I was alone, I wasn't self-conscious, and since
I made no sound, I didn't stammer. Then I whispered.
No problem! So I whispered louder . . . and louder . . .
146
and louder— until I was speaking at (and above) natural
volume.
In easy steps, I talked to myself in the mirror,
then to individuals, small groups, civic meetings, large
audiences, from church pulpits and even from the same
speakers' platform with a U. S. cabinet member and,
finally, broadcast to the world on the "Voice of America"
Radio Program.
So, you can learn to talk fluently (and with
much less difficulty than I did) just by talking. Talk to
anybody, everybody, nearby, about something. Don't
make a speech— just a comment. Make your comment
casually, easily, with good humor and friendliness.
An unsolicited comment has its own built-in
terminal facility. If you do not ask for a reply, you may
not get one. So if you want to extend a conversation, ask
a question. The first step in opening a conversation with
a stranger ( or in launching a new subject of conversation
with anyone) is to frankly admit that you don't know
something. Then say that you want or need to know about
it and ask the person you are questioning if he or she can
furnish you the information. A noted conversationalist said
that, properly asked, there was almost no limit to the time
and trouble another would take to further your education.
Since the way to improve your ability to talk
fluently, is to engage in conversations with as many differ-
ent individuals and groups as possible, learn the art of
asking. It is more accurate, instead of saying, "TALK
your way to success", that we say, "ASK your way to
success". Here's how you can do it:
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(1) ASK others to give you the information
you need to succeed.
(2) ASK others to do what you want them to
do to help you succeed.
(3) ASK others to provide you with what you
you need in order to succeed.
There are proven psychological principles
(which are too complex to explain in this brief chapter)
that cause people to do what they are properly asked to
do— if they reasonably can. Of course, everybody cannot
or will not do everything you ask— but by the law of
averages— enough, people will do what you properly ask,
to make you successful.
Also, concerning what to talk about, now would
be a good time to re-read Chapter 20, which describes:
"Those Big Signs All Of Us Wear Across Our Chests" . . .
invisible signs which read, "I want to be IMPORTANT!"
... "I want to be ADMIRED!" ... "I want to be
APPRECIATED!" That's what to talk about: the things
other people want to hear most— about themselves. And
be sure to ask leading questions which encourage others
to talk about themselves— then listen. You'll be surprised
at how interested listening eliminates your self-conscious-
ness, furnishes you with the best material with which to
continue the conversation, and thus improves your own
ability to talk your way to success.
Well, if you are going to devote much of your
time to listening (as you should), when can you practice
talking fluently (as you also should)? Of course, you
should take an active part in every conversation— brief,
148
but active. That's some practice, but not enough. The best
way to learn to speak fluently is to over-do it. Since you
can't do that with others without becoming a bore, you'll
have to do it alone. Here's how:
Practice talking continuously— aloud— to your-
self. Pretend that you are a radio announcer and that you
have to "fill" a half -hour by ad libbing ( talking spontane-
ously) without any "silent spaces". If you are alone at
home, start by walking from room to room describing what
you see. Speak in normal conversational tones. Talk con-
tinuously. Describe the furniture . . . where and when you
got it ... if it should be replaced or repaired. Describe
the walls, ceiling, floor, everything in the room . . . what
you think should be improved . . . and so on and on.
Just keep talking . . . continuously . . . fluently.
Or, take a drive alone in your car— in the city
or in the country. Pretend that you are a narrator, giving
a travelogue of what you see as you drive along— and that
you must give a continuous, interesting description of it
in a conversational tone of voice. Describe the scenery
. . . buildings . . . people . . . your impressions of them
. . . and so on and on. If you drive to and from work
alone every day, this is an excellent time to practice. To
avoid the monotony of describing the same view every
day, change routes frequently. Or just take a drive alone
several or more times a week to practice talking fluently.
If you have a friend who also wants to practice
fluent talking, take your drives together. Alternate talking
every ten minutes, vying to see who can give the most
interesting and fluent performance of continuous scenic
description.
149
Don't overlook the advantages of improving
the quality of your speaking voice. Read several of the
many excellent, self-help books on voice and speaking.
Better still, take a speech course under a good instructor.
Finally, it is important to whom you talk. The
more successful people you talk to, the more successful
you, yourself, will be. While you should, for practice, for
good-fellowship and for good-will, talk often to those of
lesser or equal position, be sure to progressively devote
more and more of your time to talking with top leaders
in your company, in your civic and business community.
What can you talk about which will interest
them? Remember those big, invisible signs they are wear-
ing across their chests, reading: "I want to be IMPOR-
TANT!" ... I want to be ADMIRED!" ... "I want to
be APPRECIATED!" Talk to important people in those
terms and all of them will always be interested in what
you say.
Offer to cooperate with important people, es-
pecially in helping with their pet civic and charity projects.
Your conversation— with your offer to help which it conveys
—will always enable you to talk with ease with the most
important people. Also it will lead to new contacts with
other important people with whom to talk.
Offer profitable suggestions to the top execu-
tives of your company. But first try to be as sure as possible
that your idea really will work. Let's face it. A top execu-
tive with long experience knows a lot more than a younger
employee with much less experience (if that's what you
are). That doesn't preclude your having better and profit-
250
able ideas. And you should suggest new ideas frequently.
The point I want to make is: "play it safe". Always offer
your suggestion in the form of a question. Say, "I've been
wondering about (suggestion). What do you think about
it?" . . . Or, "Have we considered the possibility that
(suggestion)?" . . . Or, "What do you think would happen
if (suggestion)?"
When you offer your suggestion in the form
of an unassuming question and it is rejected, you can
always say, "That is the conclusion I reached, too— but
because of your greater experience, I wanted your opinion.
Also, I thought you might be able to add some ideas that
would make it practical." (That really gets the top execu-
tive involved in your suggestion and that's one of the secrets
of success: involvement with the top echelon!) However,
if your suggestion is accepted, you made it originally and
you will get (or can modestly take) credit for it. Thus,
by presenting your ideas in the form of questions, you
benefit (without risk) whether your ideas are accepted
or not.
Having learned that you can talk your way to
success, and having learned some of the many ways to do
it, it is hoped that you will continue to learn more about
this exciting and profitable success-method from the many
helpful sources available.
151
Chapter 33
TALK! ... A Way To Health
Probably this chapter should be more accurately
titled: "TALK! ... A Way To Mental and Emotional
Health." Obviously, you cannot talk your way out of
cancer or any primarily physical disease— and those cults
and pseudo-curative professions are doing their believers a
fatal disservice by encouraging faith in any other than the
best possible treatment for each disease.
Thus having, I hope, warned against trying to
apply a single cure to all illnesses, I want to discuss the
amazing curative power of just talking. And, I want to
start by explaining my use in the heading of this chapter
of the word "health" instead of limiting it to "mental and
emotional health".
First, to avoid repetition, let's consider "mental"
and "emotional" as being mutually inclusive and use the
word "mental" for both. ( Many leading psychiatrists do. )
Next, let's understand that no disease is ex-
clusively mental or physical, but a combination of varying
152
proportions of both. The proportions may vary greatly,
being mostly mental or mostly physical, but almost invari-
ably both causes exist in some proportion.
Many people do not realize that most diseases
have a primary mental cause, although the symptoms, and
indeed the bodily damages, are demonstratively physical.
These are called "psychosomatic" which the dictionary
describes as: "bodily disorders induced by mental disturb-
ances". It has long been known that more than half of all
patients in doctors' offices and in hospitals are suffering
from psychosomatic disorders (bodily illnesses, mentally
caused). Progressively, more and more bodily disorders
are diagnosed as being psychosomatic, even though the
patient may not be so informed. Some extremists now
declare that 90% of all illnesses have a primary mental
cause.
A patient with a broken arm certainly feels that
his accident was a physical happening as, of course, it was.
What he may not realize is that behind the physical event
was a mental desire to escape the responsibility of doing
something which for some subconscious reason he did not
want to do. People go blind, are partially or completely
paralyzed, develop almost every imaginable illness (al-
though some psychosomatic disorders are much more prev-
alent than others ) as a means of escaping some repugnant
situation, or in order to withdraw from some undesirable
reality of life, or even as a form of self-punishment for a
repressed sense of guilt.
In addition to the psychosomatic disorders
with predominantly physical symptoms and often physical
153
damage there is, of course, the entire spectrum of basically
mental illnesses, ranging from simple self-consciousness to
violent insanity. The situation has gotten completely out
of hand. As Time Magazine stated some time ago: "If all
the 15,000 (psychiatrists) in the United States, plus all the
psychiatric social workers and all the psychologists trained
as therapists, spent all their working hours with individual
patients, they would still only be able to treat one in ten
of the patients who need help for emotional ills."
I make no pretense of being qualified to pro-
vide a solution for so momentous a problem. I do want to
suggest a simple— and highly successful— form of therapy
which can be used to alleviate some mental and emotional
stresses which often escalate into more serious disorders.
Dr. Karl Menninger, one of America's most
famous psychiatrists, called it: "TALKING it out." More
technically, psychiatrists call it: "Catharsis." The unpro-
fessional simply calls it: "Getting it out of your system."
To stay in the common vernacular, when something is
"eating you", don't keep it to yourself— talk it out, get it
out of your system. Don't worry and stew and fret just by
yourself until you get "all steamed up" and then fail to
"let off the steam"— because that's when you may "blow"
in any one of a thousand disastrous ways!
Dr. Karl Menninger taught (in his excellent
book, "The Vital Balance") that mental illness is not a lot
of different illnesses, but actually consists of increasing
stages of a basic mental disorder.
Certainly that is a greatly simplified and useful
approach. It follows, since the first stage is the repression
154
Oi some unwanted thought or act, resulting in a build-up
of emotional tension and continued mental stress, that this
increasingly dangerous condition can be relieved by a
catharsis of whatever undesirable is being repressed— by
getting it out of your system.
Specifically, the way to do this is to do just
exactly what Dr. Menninger said, "TALK it out." Ever
since Sigmund Freud developed the technique of psycho-
analysis, the entire primary application of psychotherapy
has been the patient's talking out his undesirable repressed
thoughts.
The simple suggestions made here are no sub-
stitute for professional psychiatric treatment when a mental
illness exists. Specifically, if whatever you are repressing
is hidden so deep in your subconscious that it must be
sought and exposed by psychoanalysis, you need the pro-
fesional services of a psychiatrist.
But, if you are fully aware of exactly what is
bothering you and causing you emotional tension and
mental stress, and if you want to "get it out of your system"
—as you must— then you can do as Dr. Menninger advised
and talk it out.
Once having reached the decision to talk it out,
you have only to decide to whom to talk. That is very
important, of course, and the sources are both numerous
and adequate.
Naturally, the first choice is a psychiatrist, or
a psychologist trained as a therapist. However, they not
only are expensive, as such highly trained specialists must
be, but their services are greatly in demand by the seriously
155
mentally ill. Nevertheless, because of their vast knowledge,
training and experience, they often can cure simple mental
stresses in a few consultations.
Next, your regular doctor is an excellent choice.
General M.D.'s now know a lot about psychotherapy and
your own doctor has the added advantages of knowing a
lot about you. Also, he will know whether you need more
specialized assistance.
In all large cities, social service organizations
provide trained personnel with whom you can talk it out.
The minister of your church has had a lot more
experience in this field than you probably imagine. Large
churches provide the services of a trained, full-time psycho-
therapist.
Your marriage partner may be an ideal person
with whom you can talk out "what's eating you". His or
her sympathetic understanding may be just what you need.
I have always believed that, like charity, much psycho-
therapy should begin at home.
Or, talk it out with a trusted and sympathetic
friend. But be sure to select the right person (not a gossip)
and don't go around blabbing your intimate personal prob-
lems to everybody who will listen!
Whomever you talk it out with, get whatever is
"eating you" out of your system entirely. Get rid of it! Be
done with it! Then forget it!
That's one way to use TALK ... as a way
to health.
Here's another:
If you have a simple psychological problem
156
such as being self-conscious and embarrassed around peo-
ple and therefore not being a fluent conversationalist, you
do not have to go to a psychoanalyst to learn the hidden
psychological cause in order to be cured. It is not necessary
to probe back into your childhood to learn that your mother
spanked you undeservedly for your being "forward" when
you were a child. That knowledge, even if correct, will not
completely cure your self-consciousness. But practicing
conversing with everybody at every opportunity about
even the simplest subjects will cure your self-consciousness
and make you a fluent conversationalist— whether your
mother spanked you or not. ( For more inf ormation on how
to become a fluent conversationalist, re-read the previous
Chapter 32: "TALK ... A Way To Success".)
Participating frequently in interesting conversa-
tions, not only is good success training, but is good health
therapy as well. It stimulates your interest in people, in
ideas, and in life generally. It gets you involved. You
participate. That's the key word: PARTICIPATE! . . .
because participation is the sure antidote for withdrawal
—and withdrawal is a mental illness which will progressive-
ly cause you more and more trouble, more and more unhap-
piness. Participation also is the sure antidote for mental
depression which is, or can rapidly become, a serious mental
illness.
So TALK is a means of staying healthy or
becoming healthy. TALK, of course, will not cure every-
thing—but it will cure many things and it will help in many
ways to relieve the tensions and stresses of life, to help
overcome fear, self -consciousness, withdrawal and depres-
157
sion. The list of the benefits of talk could go on and on—
but I suggest you consider talk specifically in terms of any
problem you may have. You'll be surprised how many times
TALK will help!
158
Chapter 34
LISTEN! ... A Way To Help
There are two sides to every coin.
In the two previous chapters, we have been
looking at one side of a coin: "TALK". We found that you
could talk your way to success (Chapter 32). And we
found that, in many cases, you could talk your way to health
(Chapter 33).
Now let's turn the coin over and examine the
other side: "LISTEN". One should not consider talking
without giving equal consideration to listening. They are
two parts of a whole. Each is useless without the other.
Having learned the advantages of talking, let's
discover the benefits of listening. Actually, listening is a
way to help others. And, in helping others, you help your-
self.
Remember what we said in other chapters
about those big, invisible signs everyone wears across his
chest . . . stating "I want to be IMPORTANT!" ... "I
want to be ADMIRED!" ... "I want to be APPRECI-
159
ATED!" . . . remember that we said those invisible signs
told us clearly how the other person wanted to be treated?
Your success, your popularity, depends upon how well you
heed those invisible signs, upon how you help others feel
important, admired and appreciated.
One of the most effective ways to help others
feel important, admired and appreciated is to listen to
what they say with obvious admiration and appreciation,
so that they know you consider what they say to be
important. Thus, just by proper listening, you can use one
of the most effective of all success-techniques: help others
get what they want.
Remember, too, that you do not learn by talk-
ing—you only learn by listening. That's why you should
listen a lot more than you talk.
If you listen with the proper attitude and if
you listen to the right people— you can virtually listen your
way to success!
But listening is more than that. Listening is a
way to help others in other ways than to make them feel
important, admired and appreciated, as just discussed.
Psychiatrists agree that nobody is perfectly adjusted—
mentally and emotionally— all of the time ( if, in fact, any
of the time! ) . Mental disorder is merely a matter of degree,
with most of us fortunately being in Dr. Menninger's "First
Stage" which consists primarily of the tensions and stresses,
the disturbed feelings, occasional anxieties and mental de-
pressions of normal life.
Relief from these pressures can be obtained
principally by "talking them out" (as described in the
160
preceding Chapter 33: "TALK ... A Way To Health").
To "talk them out" a disturbed person needs a listener
who is sympathetic, understanding and, hopefully, helpful.
Each of us needs to talk and to listen in order
to relieve the tensions and pressures of daily living.
Probably the most frequent and vehement com-
plaint of our time is that others will not listen.
Minority groups rage and riot because author-
ities will not listen (and therefore cannot be expected to
respond) to their grievances and demands.
Students stage demonstrations to try to get the
"Establishment", first to listen to their protests and dissent,
and then to respond to their demands for change.
One of the principal complaints of youth is that
their elders will not listen to their imaginative ideas. The
elders reply that youth will not listen to the wisdom of
more mature experience.
Example could follow example, but the need is
already clear: All of us must listen to each other. Only by
listening, can we fully understand, and, only if we fully
understand each other, can we properly respond with
mutual respect and earnest cooperation.
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Chapter 35
When It Gets Darkest . . .
One of the world's greatest historians, having
devoted a lifetime to studying and recording history from
the beginning of civilization, was asked: "What was the
most important thing you learned in your life's study of all
significant historical events?"
He promptly replied, "When it gets darkest,
the stars come out."
I consider that to be one of the most helpful
and inspiring statements of all time! I hope you will re-
member it always, as I have. It will be a deep source of
strength in your own dark hours. "When it gets darkest,
the stars come out."
The proof is so voluminous, it is presumptuous
for me to even begin to list examples. Yet I cannot leave
it here. I cannot resist citing how, in the lives of three of
the greatest men in history, it got darker than most people
realize— and how, by some unexplained miracle, the stars
came out.
162
John Stuart Mill, who later was to become the
great English philosopher and economist, suffered a severe
attack of mental illness, in 1826, when he was twenty years
old. Szasz wrote that Mill was so overwhelmed by the
most severe mental and emotional depression that he sank
to the very depths of despair and was "suicidal" for many
months. This was in 1826 when methods of curing such
serious mental illness were not yet discovered. But . . .
when it became darkest for John Stuart Mill . . . the stars
came out. He completely reorganized his own personality,
rapidly developed one of the greatest and most logical of
minds, and became one of the greatest philosophers and
economists of his time.
"When it gets darkest, the stars come out."
One of the greatest thinkers of all time was
William James, the famed philosophical psychologist of
Harvard. He was physically frail in his youth, developed
severe psychosomatic symptoms affecting his eyes and
stomach by the time he was twenty-three. Two years later
he had to drop his studies entirely and go to Europe for
many treatments. However, his mental-emotional dis-
orders worsened and he suffered such extreme mental de-
pression that he often contemplated suicide. Then . . .
when it got darkest for William James . . . the stars came
out. He completely overcame and transcended his physical
and mental illness to become one of the greatest thinkers in
history, a giant in philosophy and psychology, a famed
writer, the most distinguished teacher at Harvard, whose
wisdom has provided guidance and inspiration for so many
of us through the years.
163
"When it gets darkest, the stars come out."
Dr. Karl Menninger, world-famous psychiatrist,
records in his excellent book, "The Vital Balance", that
Abraham Lincoln had, not one, but several, attacks of
severe mental illness. Lincoln's own law partner described
him as a "hopeless victim of melancholy" ( one of the most
serious of mental disorders). Indeed, Lincoln's future
wife's relatives considered him "insane" and he reinforced
their beliefs when, on his wedding day, after all prepara-
tions were made and the rest of the wedding party was
waiting, he did not appear. Finally, after a search, he was
found in his room in deep dejection, obsessed with ideas
of unworthiness, hopelessness and guilt.
Dale Carnegie, who spent three years doing
research on Lincoln's life and wilting Lincoln's biography,
wrote that Lincoln became dangerously ill in body and
mind, and sank into a deep and terrible spell of melancholy,
mumbling incoherent sentences and threatening suicide.
He even wrote a poem about suicide and had it published
in one of the Springfield papers. His friends took his knife
away from him to keep him from killing himself.
Yet . . . when it was darkest for Abraham
Lincoln ... in some mysterious way (perhaps because
there is a Purpose) . . . the stars came out.
You can see those stars now . . . stars on a
field of blue in the flag of the United States of America
. . . "One nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice
for all."
In Springfield, Illinois, Lincoln's old home is
preserved as a national shrine. And, because they lived
164
nearby, a mother with her little girl, often passed it on
their daily walks. As they passed Lincoln's home, the
mother told her little girl about the greatness of Lincoln's
presidential years and how much his life bestowed upon
this nation.
Then, instead of passing Lincoln's home in day-
light,, the mother and her little girl happened to pass by
one night. As was proper for a national shrine, the lights
were aglow in every room. The little girl cried excitedly,
"Look, Mother, look! Mr. Lincoln left the lights on!"
Yes, little girl, Mr. Lincoln did, indeed, leave
the lights on! He left the lights on all over the world— to
light our way toward freedom and equality and brother-
hood for all men . . . everywhere!
Lincoln's life fulfilled the promise of history—
when it got darkest, the stars came out.
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Chapter 36
Do The Thing And You Will Have
The Power
Fortunately, I learned one of the most useful
facts of life at an early age. I don't remember who said it
and I wish I did, because I would like to send him a
mental message of thanks every morning when I wake up.
What I learned, as a very young man, was this:
"DO the thing and you will have the power!"
That one simple, yet almost incredible, state-
ment has enabled me: (1) To try; and (2) to actually
accomplish things— more than any other statement I have
ever heard.
If I had not believed, deeply believed, that just
by the act of doing— somehow, from somewhere, I would
be given the power to do it— I would not have attempted,
much less accomplished, half of what I have done (the
difficult, rewarding half).
166
How can this be possible, that the act of doing
something generates the power to do it?
One answer comes from the psychologists. The
most conservative psychologists say that a person never
uses more than half of his actual capability. Others say that
we are operating only at one-tenth of our capacity. Thus,
depending on which psychologist is right, the very least
you can accomplish is twice as much, and it may amount
to ten times as much. So, since everybody normally oper-
ates at only a fraction of his potential, each of us can
accomplish much more just by trying . . . just by doing.
DO the thing and you will have the power!
Henry Ford, who must have made some sort
of record for doing things, put it simply, "Whether you
believe you can do a thing or not— you are right."
Perhaps that's an over-simplification of a very
profound fact of life. Nevertheless, there is a great reservoir
of power ready to be used by anyone who begins to do
something. Do the thing and you will have the power.
Maybe the ego calls on the super ego, which
in turn draws the necessary power from an omnipotent
ultra ego.
Or to state it in other terms, your conscious
mind draws upon your subconscious mind, which, properly
used, has at its disposal the unlimited power of the univer-
sal mind, which theologians call the God-Mind, or simply,
God. Whatever the terminology, the fact is that there is
an unlimited supply of power, and as you do the thing, you
will have the power to accomplish it.
167
Thomas Edison believed that the power of his
ideas came from "space". In the late years of his idea-filled
life, Thomas Edison said, "Ideas come from space. This
may seem astonishing and impossible to believe, but it is
true. Ideas come from out of space." Edison should have
known, because he had more ideas than any man who ever
lived.
And if ideas come from "space", there is reason
to believe that the power you need will come from "space",
too. Certainly, whatever power— no matter how much
power— you need to accomplish what you determinedly
set out to do, will be furnished you from "somewhere". We
have not evolved sufficiently to know all the answers. As a
philosopher said, "Man s knowledge may be compared to
a potato bug in a sack of potatoes in the hold of a great
ship— wondering what makes the ship go".
But, because we do not know the source of
our almost unlimited power for accomplishment, does not
prevent our using the fact that such power does exist and
is readily available for our use to achieve our goals.
So do not hesitate to strive for your goal. Start
now— with the sure knowledge that whatever man can con-
ceive and believe, man can achieve. Start now— without
hesitation or fear, because the power to do, comes with the
doing, and as you do the thing, you will have the power!
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Chapter 37
LAUGH . . . Your Way Through Life
You meet them everywhere— the Hypersensitive
Ones! They find in every personal comment, a hidden
insult ... in every helpful suggestion, a subtle criticism
... in every conversation, a challenge to debate.
These self-centered individuals find the most
minor duties to be painful burdens, the imaginary weight
of which only can be alleviated by overt recognition and
bountiful praise. Routine activities become magnified proj-
ects. Necessary work is a hated, disagreeable thing to be
endured. Complex plans are overwhelming and are resisted
with undeserved panic.
The Hypersensitive Ones— their tender feelings
are always being hurt and they respond with bitter sarcasm,
unreasonable hostility or pained silence, which wins for
them the questionable consideration and deference best
described by that apt old-fashioned saying: "walking on
eggs".
169
They are more to be pitied than condemned,
because they suffer much more than do their understand-
ably annoyed but nevertheless sympathetic companions.
The Hypersensitive Ones— why must they suffer
so much unhappiness? Let's ask a famous psychologist, Dr.
Maxwell Maltz.
Dr. Maltz says that the reason is self-pity. Then
he describes their condition as follows: "The frustrated
person compensates for self-pity by excessive smoking,
excessive drinking, compulsive overwork (or imagined
overwork), or withdrawal by escapism through radio, tele-
vision or aimless reading— or turns upon other persons by
exhibiting rudeness, irritability, nagging or fault-finding,
stimulated by hypersensitivity."
You will meet many such people with exactly
those syndromes (or most of them) in business, in school,
among your associates, almost everywhere you go. (You
might even try checking each symptom listed by Dr. Maltz
to see if it applies to you!)
What do all these hypersensitive people have
in common— EXCEPT the foregoing symptoms?
They seldom, if ever, laugh!
If hypersensitive people would only learn to
laugh their way through life, they would be released from
their self -centered unhappiness into a new, relaxed, joyful
world of happiness and laughter.
Of course, there are times when laughter is out
of place. I am not suggesting that you laugh in the presence
of someone's sadness or at any time when laughter would
170
be inappropriate. But you will find that such times, in-
evitable as they are, are proportionately few.
Nor am I suggesting that you boom through
life with a Santa Claus "Ho! . . . Ho!! . . . Ho!!!" I am sug-
gesting quiet laughter. Take an amused attitude toward
yourself, your problems and difficulties, the situations and
people causing them, and, especially, life itself. Laugh!
And, if it is inappropriate to laugh heartily and openly-
then laugh quietly . . . but laughl It is the relaxed attitude
of laughter— not the amount of noise you make— that deter-
mines your response toward your daily experiences.
What is quiet laughter? How can you do it?
In two ways: First, do as recommended in Chapter 25:
smile with your eyes. Then, say quietly to yourself, "Ha!
. . . Ha!! . . . Ha!!!" Sound silly? Well, it isn't silly. It will
mean making laughter, quiet laughter; or, when appropriate
rousing laughter, a relaxing and joyful substitute for a
tension-filled, hypersensitive, self -centered, unhappy life!
Remember, you can't be hypersensitive, self-
centered and engulfed in self-pity while you laugh at your-
self! So don't take yourself so seriously. There are so many
things over which you must either cry or curse or laugh.
Choose to laugh! Laughter is your declaration of superiority
over whatever befalls you!
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can
stand. Neither fear, nor worry, nor gloom, nor depression,
nor resentment, nor hate, nor self-consciousness, nor hyper-
sensitivity, nor self-pity can co-exist with laughter.
"He who has the courage to laugh, is master
of the world nearly as much as he who is prepared to die."
171
Do you have an enemy? Then, if you have the
courage (and the ability to defend yourself), laugh at him!
There is nothing which so completely demoralizes an ad-
versary more than being laughed at.
The only way to accept an insult is to laugh
at it. ( If you can't laugh at it, it probably is deserved. )
You can see from the foregoing that laughter
is a weapon. A sure effective weapon. So never use the
weapon of laughter by laughing at a friend. Only laugh
with others, to join with them, to add your laughter to
theirs. Only laugh at your enemies (knowing that they will
then remain your enemies).
But mostly use your weapon of laughter to
demolish your own undesirable personality traits: fear,
anxiety, gloom, self-pity, resentment, hypersensitivity and
all the raggle-taggle mob of disagreeable thoughts waiting
to move into your mind the first time there is a vacancy. So
keep those mental vacancies filled with laughter. When-
ever your mind is not occupied with happy, positive, crea-
tive thoughts, fill it with quiet laughter— smile with your
eyes (and with your entire face, when appropriate) and
say over and over again quietly to yourself . . . "Ha! . . .
Ha!! . . . Ha!!!" You (and everybody you know) will be
amazed— and delighted— at the magic transformation of
your personality when you begin to live with laughter!
It won't be magic, really. It will be simply that
you have learned to use the delightfully devastating power
of laughter so that you no longer take yourself too seriously.
172
Chapter 38
It's Right To Do It Wrong!
Psychologists have discovered an amazingly
successful technique for eliminating undesirable habits—
perhaps not all undesirable habits but, certainly, many of
them.
We humans are largely creatures of habits,
mostly desirable and, indeed, necessary habits. If we had
to think consciously about everything we do, we would
surely go mad. In fact, the more routine activities which
we can assign to habit, the more we can free our time for
conscious thought and action. A desirable or necessary
habit, unconsciously and perfectly performed, is much
better than a consciously directed action.
So most habits are desirable and we should
try to shift more and more activities to our habit me-
chanism.
But some habits are undesirable, some are
harmful, and some are extremely dangerous. Obviously
these habits should be eliminated. Ridding yourself of
173
bad habits is often exceedingly difficult. As the old Spanish
proverb says, "Habits begin as cobwebs and end as cables/'
When they get to the "cable" stage, habits are not easily
broken.
Because of the importance of habits— their for-
mation, durability and elimination— psychologists have
devoted much study and many experiments to them. It has
been discovered that one of the easiest, surest and best
methods of eliminating a bad habit is what is called:
"Negative Practice."
"Negative Practice" has become such a valu-
able technique in personality improvement that it deserves
a place in this book, and we shall devote the next few
minutes to a brief study of it.
Since we are going to apply the technique of
"Negative Practice" to the elimination of bad habits, let's
see how bad habits get formed in the first place.
( 1 ) A habit starts by being a conscious activ-
ity. You are fully aware that you are doing what you are
doing, and whether you do it or not is a matter of your
conscious control.
(2) Then, by repetition, the habit activity is
directed less and less by your conscious, deliberate control
and more and more, it is assigned to your unconscious ( or
subconscious ) direction.
(3) Finally, you have no conscious control of
the habit at all. It becomes a sort of conditioned reflex.
When certain conditions exist, the now-unconscious habit
is activated. The habit-action takes place whether you will
it or not. In fact, the more will power you attempt to use
174
to stop it, the stronger you make the habit-impulse.
So how do you eliminate a bad habit? There
really are many ways, but here we shall examine only one:
"Negative Practice." Here's how to do it.
We have just outlined how a habit is formed.
We stated that a habit starts as a conscious, deliberate
activity and becomes, through repetition, an unconscious,
impulsive response which is so ingrained that you cannot
control it by conscious will power.
You eliminate the habit simply by reversing the
process by which it was formed.
Specifically, you change it back from being an
impulsive, unconscious, uncontrollable activity to a con-
scious, deliberate action which you can control and there-
fore eliminate at will.
This reversing, procedure is accomplished by
"Negative Practice". This means that you deliberately
and consciously do— and do excessively— exactly what you
want to eliminate doing habitually (impulsively, uncon-
trollably and unconsciously). When you consciously, de-
liberately and excessively repeat a habitual activity, you
obviously are consciously and deliberately doing and con-
trolling the action. That, of course, is exactly what you
want, because then, since it is under your conscious control,
you simply decide not to do it any more. And you dont.
If the habit does persist, you have not subjected
it to enough "Negative Practice" to gain complete conscious
control of it and so it is not subject to your will not to do
it. So continue your "Negative Practice", remembering to
do it consciously, deliberately, and excessively. Then apply
175
even more resolutely your will not to do it. Sooner or later
—usually sooner— you will eliminate the bad habit.
Let's consider a few of hundreds of possible
examples:
Take stammering. There are many ways to cure
stammering. All these cures are relatively easy, since phys-
ical defects are not usually involved at all. Stammering is
caused by "tensing-up" to the point of immobilizing or
"blocking" the normal, but highly complex, -speech ap-
paratus. The basic cause is self -consciousness and fear of
repeating the embarrassing experience of stammering which
by repetition has become an uncontrolled speech habit and
a "conditioned response" to speaking to others. The direct
cause is the blocking of the normal sequences of the speech
impulse.
Many speech clinics use "Negative Practice"
to cure stammering. In these speech clinics, the stammerer
is required to deliberately and consciously stammer each
and every word he speaks or reads. He actually practices
stammering! He deliberately and consciously causes vocal
blockage of every syllable of every word. He must always
be acutely conscious that he is deliberately forcing himself
to speak improperly— to stammer— and that he is con-
trolling and directing this wrong method.
When he is fully aware that he is in complete,
deliberate control of his stammering and that he is con-
sciously forcing the vocal-blockage cause of his stammering
—then he can consciously stop it! From then on it is simply
a matter of learning the proper use of the voice in speaking
and in overcoming self-consciousness in talking to others,
176
both of which are easily accomplished by training and
especially practice, so we won't attempt to detail the pro-
cedure to its final happy conclusion.
The point we want to make is that to eliminate
a subconscious, uncontrollable habit, one first must get
conscious control of it. This is done by "Negative Practice"
—deliberately and consciously repeating the habit until it
ceases to be subconscious and becomes a consciously ex-
ecuted action, which you therefore can consciously stop.
This principle of "Negative Practice" can be
used to eliminate almost all habits. For example:
Fingernail biting can be eliminated by con-
sciously and deliberately biting your fingernails for a half-
hour at a time, always emphasizing that you are deliberately
forcing yourself to do this silly thing. When this has been
repeated sufficiently to become fully and embarrassingly
conscious, you not only will be able to stop, but fingernail
biting will have become so repulsive to you that even the
thought of it will be revolting.
"Negative Practice" can be used to eliminate
facial tics, teeth clicking, joint-popping, and all sorts of
minor nervous habits. It will eliminate the involuntary
repeating of errors in typing or writing certain words. It
will eliminate bad habits you may have developed in golf,
bowling or other sports, thus enabling you to greatly im-
prove your style and form.
One use of "Negative Practice" by which all of
us can benefit is the relief from involuntary tension in vari-
ous parts of our bodies. Many people unconsciously clench
their fists. This not only produces tension in them but it
177
makes an unfavorable personality impression on others.
This involuntary habit can quickly be cured and bene-
ficial relaxation restored by the "Negative Practice" of con-
sciously and deliberately clenching one's fists repeatedly,
and then consciously opening and relaxing the hands. This
same conscious "Negative Practice" can be used to elimi-
nate unconscious muscular tension in all parts of the body.
It is the most recommended and practiced form of relaxa-
tion therapy.
One note of warning. "Negative Practice"
should NOT be used to eliminate habits where deliberate
excess would be dangerous— such as drug addiction and
alcoholism.
Otherwise, start now to eliminate any undesir-
able habits by the simple use of the proven psychological
technique of "Negative Practice". The results are so fast
and sure that it will be an enjoyable and rewarding expe-
rience!
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Chapter 39
Walk Toward Danger
When I was a very young man, just starting
out in business— without education, without money, with-
out influential connections, without any of the alleged
requisites for a successful career— I was fortunate in getting
a little book: "Tips On Leadership" by Herbert N. Casson,
whom B. C. Forbes called "the ablest writer on business
and business men in the whole of Britain". Herbert Cas-
son wrote equally well about American business and busi-
ness men.
One of the many helpful principles I learned
from Herbert Casson in his little book, "Tips On Leader-
ship", was to WALK TOWARD DANGER. That precept
has profoundly influenced my life.
I would rather live by those three words—
WALK TOWARD DANGER-than have a college edu-
cation. I also would like to have a college education, but
many college graduates will never be leaders, even though
they may be successful by other standards. Nobody, with
179
or without a college education, can long be a leader unless
he instinctively walks toward danger and naturally stands
between his associates, his employees, or his followers— and
danger.
The qualities of leadership are clearly shown
in animal life. At the first sign of danger, the leader of the
herd steps out of the crowd, stands apart from the others—
and walks toward the danger. Always! Or he will not con-
tinue to be the leader.
That same thing is true in business, in politics,
in civic affairs. A leader must do more than give directions
and issue orders. He must protect those whom he leads. In
times of danger, he must step out from the crowd. He must
meet the challenge head-on— personally. He must walk to-
ward danger. He must place himself between the danger
and his followers. The first time he hesitates, the first time
he falters— he will no longer be the leader. His followers
will turn aside and follow another leader.
So you see, the risks of leadership are very
great. Being a leader is no job for the timid. It requires
more than brains and personality. Leadership requires
courage— a special kind of instinctive courage. Leadership
requires the kind of courage which is automatic. You do
not ponder the pros and cons. You do not evaluate the risk.
You do not count the personal cost. You instinctively step
out from the crowd; you put yourself between the danger
and those you lead. And . . .
WALK TOWARD DANGER!
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Chapter 40
Grapple!
It has always been so, and the big word in
problem-solving today is "GRAPPLE".
This word "grapple" is the principal admonish-
ment to all who have problems (and who doesn't?). It is
used by psychiatrists, psychologists, personal counselors
and all who would give advice on problem-solving.
When any one word— and the action it stands
for— is so highly and unanimously recommended, it clearly
deserves our thoughtful consideration— and "grapple" shall
receive it now.
Since grappling is the effective solution to prob-
lems, let's first look at the part which problems have in the
lives of all of us. Not only do all of us have problems, but
we seem to receive a regular daily quota of problems. They
fall upon us much as the grains of sand drop through an
hour-glass. And sometimes it seems with as much regu-
larity. This continuous regularity with which problems
181
come into our lives, is really good for us, although it may
not seem so at the time.
Life without risks and obstacles and problems
would not be worth getting out of bed for.
Happiness is not the absence of problems and
difficulties. Happiness is successfully solving problems and
effectively overcoming difficulties.
It requires just as much energy to try to escape
from a problem as it does to grapple with it and conquer
it. Try to escape, and your problem will follow you every-
where. Grapple with it and solve it, then it is gone forever.
Since new problems will always continue to
come your way with a sort of continuous regularity, it is
obvious that you must solve and dispose of them with equal
regularity— or they will accumulate and eventually over-
whelm you.
There are many broken men and women in this
world, and almost every one has been broken in spirit,
mind and body by the overwhelming burden of accumu-
lated, unsolved problems.
Most mental and emotional illnesses can be
traced in full or in part to the subjects' having become so
overwhelmed by the continuing accumulation of unsolved
problems that they were no longer able to cope with them
and tried to escape through some form of mental malad-
justment.
The same is true of much physical illness. Since
50% to 90% of all physical illness is psychosomatic (depend-
ing upon which psychiatrist's estimate you accept), most
182
physical illness, too, can be traced back to the accumulating
burdens of unsolved problems.
The only preventive is to solve your problems
as they arise, so that unsolved problems will not accumu-
late. Obvious. But how?
That's where grappling comes in. Here is the
advice of leading psychiatrists, psychologists and problem-
solving counselors: To the extent that a person directly
confronts the realities of a problem and actively grapples
with it, he emerges stronger. To the extent that a person
tries to ignore or escape from the realities of a crisis, large
or small, he begins a worsening pattern of adjustment to
life.
So by facing each problem directly, then plung-
ing wholeheartedly into its very center and actively grap-
pling realistically with it, you almost always will produce
an adequate solution and you will emerge a stronger and
more capable person.
Note that I said "adequate solution". That is an
extremely important phase of problem-solving. Some peo-
ple drive themselves and their associates to distraction by
being perfectionists. They will accept nothing less than
perfection. They insist on finding the "one best solution" to
every problem. And thus they cannot reach decisions
quickly and dispose of problems rapidly and with finality.
They are forever reconsidering and re-examining. Mean-
while, other problems continue to come and to accumulate.
In this connection, efficiency experts (who
know that time is an important element in efficiency) give
this advice:
183
In the first place, there seldom is exclusively
"one best solution" to most problems. There are often a
number of "equally good solutions", any of which would be
adequate, considering the expediency of quick decision.
And an adequate solution, as the description implies, is
adequate— and that's enough.
Besides, a second-best solution quickly decided
and promptly put into effect is more efficient than a better
solution which requires so much time in the making that
a multitude of other problems accumulate.
So we see that we must not only grapple with
our problems, but we must grapple with them immediately
and reach an adequate solution promptly.
Problems will not go away because you ignore
them. Problems cannot be out-distanced when you try to
flee from them. You cannot escape them. You must face
each problem in turn, plunge whole-heartedly into its
center and grapple with it so actively that you reach an
adequate solution— then put it decisively out of your life.
When I say "grapple actively \ I mean really
give it everything you've got! Be like the world-famous
artist who was asked what he mixed with his red paints to
solve the problem of producing a red which was so intense
that he was acclaimed the foremost painter of his time.
What did he mix with his red paints? He didn't even
bother to look up from his work; he just quietly replied,
"Blood".
GRAPPLE with your problems so aggressively
that you put your blood into your grappling!
184
Life pays its highest rewards in fame and for-
tune to the problem-solvers!
The world is filling up with people, and this
circumstance, alone, is a problem which threatens to over-
whelm us. Then that problem is compounded by the fact
that the multiplying multitudes have been misled to believe
that griping is more productive than grappling. So they dis-
rupt and destroy, thus creating more problems, including
becoming problems, themselves.
We don't need any more problem-makers. We
need problem-solvers, not the ivory-tower type, but the
grappling type.
If you are a problem-solver, with the guts to
grapple . . . the line forms at the cashier's window.
You can name your own price.
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Chapter 41
DANGER! Do Not Threaten!
Perhaps, never before, has there been such
imminent clanger to so many people who do not even seem
to realize that it is they who are causing this danger to
themselves]
While this danger often is manifested in less
vehement forms than physical violence, it is the violence
of property destruction, personal injury and death, with
which this chapter primarily will deal.
It is hoped that, by understanding the cause,
at least the more intelligent activists will not deliberately
bring this violence upon themselves and, directly or in-
directly, upon others.
So that I shall not be accused of over-reacting
to ominously increasing violence, let me assure you that
the following psychological fact has been repeatedly de-
monstrated and verified thoroughout the entire history of
mankind.
186
Let us simplify our analysis so that there can be
no misunderstanding, and examine the one basic cause of
this danger:
Danger is incurred by threatening others.
Let us get it clear— because this may be (al-
ready has been!) a matter of life and death. Those who
seek power by inflicting fear through threats are the ones
in the greatest danger.
The person who is threatened may be in dan-
ger; the person who makes the threat is in danger.
When one individual threatens another, the
person who makes the threat instantly incurs the resent-
ment, anger and hatred of the person threatened. And is
in grave danger!
The purpose of a threat is to instill fear. But
it does more than create fear and its accompanying in-
security; it instills anger and hate. If anger and hate cannot
be vented by instant violence, they are suppressed, and
seep into the subconscious which, in its hidden ways, seeks
a means of eliminating the fear; therefore, the constant
danger to the one who made the threat which caused the
fear.
One of the most dangerous acts in which one
can indulge, is to threaten another. And let us emphasize
again, the greatest danger is to the person who makes the
threat. The person who is threatened, usually has oppor-
tunity to prepare, and to choose the time, place and method
of acting to halt the implementation of the threat. And,
to retaliate.
187
To threaten another, is to set a time-bomb
inside yourself, using a clock without hands or markings,
and so never know when it will explode and destroy you.
Yet this kind of dangerous brinkmanship has
become a reckless way of attempting intimidation. Almost
every day's newspapers, television and radio news pro-
grams carry speeches which somewhere contain threats,
direct or implied, against individuals, groups, races, classes,
laws, governments, institutions, authorities— or whatever is
the current threat-target of the activists, militants, disrupt-
ers, rioters, revolutionaries or anarchists in our midst.
These threats are made with foolhardy aban-
don which indicates a lack of knowledge of the danger
to the one who, himself, is making the threat! Incredible
as it seems, people think they can threaten others with
impunity. They cannot!
The danger to the person making a threat is
that a threat instills the fear of loss to someone or to many.
It is a basic fact that while most people will work for gain,
they will fight to avoid loss. Some may not choose to fight
openly; some may not be able to fight immediately; but
every person who is threatened by loss will re-act in some
hostile manner and sooner or later will retaliate against the
person (group, race, etc.) who threatened him.
The people who get their exhilaration of power
through real or implied threats for the purpose of instilling
fear in others, are placing themselves in grave danger. It is
they who should be afraid, because as Seneca wrote in the
days of the great Roman Empire, "He must necessarily fear
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many, whom many fear." (That statement referred to Julius
Caesar. )
People who make threats are not always in dan-
ger of assassination, although that sometimes is the case.
More often, they are subject to injury. But much more of-
ten, they simply are rated "undesirable and unacceptable"
as future employees, neighbors; and by the "Establishment"
which they so vocally confronted and which they suddenly
discover confronts them.
College graduates are finding it more difficult
to get jobs. This is especially true of graduates of "trouble
schools ." (Business is noted for detailed record-keeping!)
It may have been great fun— or even noble— to chase
job-recruiters off the campus, but business personnel man-
agers have a remarkable communication system, and data
processing has a long memory.
Politicians, who become pawns of a vocal mi-
nority, will find that a minority (no matter how vocal and
how dedicated) is still a minority in the voting booths.
Yet the threats continue; the threats multiply;
the threats escalate in their radical demands. Clenched fists
are raised as symbols of anarchy. But each threat assures
subsequent retaliation. The day of accounting will come.
And those who seek power by instilling fear
through threats are, themselves, in the greatest danger. It
is the lesson of history.
It may not be too late to learn.
189
Chapter 42
"I Direct Your Attention To ... "
It is a cliche often used by public speakers:
"I direct your attention to . . ." Nevertheless, the directing
of close attention is essential to the success of anyone
attempting self -improvement.
The ability to direct your attention— to con-
centrate it— will almost, in itself, guarantee your success.
First, looking at it negatively, the failure to
control the direction of your attention is the cause of many
avoidable troubles.
From the irritated remark, "You're not paying
attention to a single word I say"— to the fatal highway acci-
dent, inattention is as deadly to popularity as it is to driving.
In view of the fact that the human mind, acting
subconsciously, does so many vital things with perfection
without any conscious attention at all, it is perplexing that
in many activities this is not the case, and controlled con-
scious attention is required.
190
Although the subconscious is the "storehouse
of memory," we do not normally learn by subconscious
exposure, but by conscious concentration. Often I have
"read" several pages of a book while my thoughts drifted
elsewhere, later to realize that I could not recall anything
whatever of what I had just "read".
All memory courses are based on intense, con-
scious concentration of attention.
And although the driving of your automobile
is largely subconscious, you must keep your conscious
attention watching for sudden, unexpected hazards if you
are to avoid them. Most automobile accidents are the
result of not consciously concentrating on "defensive
driving." You must keep your attention on the inattention
of other drivers.
The "absent-minded" person simply is the
victim of not paying conscious attention.
Much has been written about the vast power
and amazing ability of the subconscious mind. (Indeed,
I, too, have written much about it.) And while the sub-
conscious mind does independently perform such amazing
feats as operating our bodily functions (heartbeat, breath-
ing, and all the rest) and through cybernetics may even
guide our personal destinies, let us not overlook the
necessary directing power of our conscious minds.
Our subconscious cannot reason. It can only
perform, in its own wonderful way, the tasks assigned to
it by our reasoning, conscious minds. So let us be ever
conscious that our conscious minds are the directing force
of our lives— for good or bad. Our conscious thinking
makes it so.
191
And let us remember, too, in these days of
hallucinatory drugs which block out the reasoning, con-
scious mind so that one can take a "trip" in his uninhibited
subconscious, that the weird visions conjured up do not
compare with the detailed beauty which can be enjoyed
by focusing your conscious attention on the wonders of
nature all around you— the simple beauty of a rose, the
breathtaking view from a mountain top, the restless rolling
of the deep, green ocean, the unrestrained joy of a happy
child.
The penalties for not paying attention are so
severe and the rewards of focusing concentrated attention
are so great that I want to close this brief essay as I opened
it— with the public speaker's cliche: "I want to direct your
attention to . . . ATTENTION."
It just might make a big difference in your life.
192
Chapter 43
Are You Lonely?
There are many people who, by the nature of
their lives, occupations or circumstances, spend consider-
able time alone.
This does not mean that they are lonely.
Being alone may— or may not— contribute to
loneliness. As a matter of fact, people who are subject to
the feeling of loneliness may experience its symptoms
while being in a crowd. Remember the line in the old song,
"I could be lonely out in a crowd"?
Feeling lonely is a neurosis which can intensify
and escalate through various stages of annoyance, irritabil-
ity, depression and finally end up being a full-fledged
psychosis which psychiatrists call "monophobia".
Since, from its unpleasant early stages to the
extreme morbidness of its monophobia stage, loneliness is
so entirely undesirable— if you experience even its mildest
forms, get rid of it!
193
Getting rid of loneliness not only is simple and
permanent, but its elimination provides the double enjoy-
ment of decreasing unhappiness and increasing happiness
every easy step of the way.
The first and all-important step in eliminating
loneliness is to recognize what it really is. And this may
surprise you! Most people think of loneliness as "being
alone" or "missing somebody". So they never get at the
real cause, and therefore don't find a cure.
Psychiatrists say that loneliness is not liking
yourself! It is not being able to get along with yourself
when you are alone and your attention tends to center on
you as you imagine yourself to be. Loneliness is not
liking the quiet environment when you must confront your-
self with yourself and decide what to do next with you . . .
alone. It is not liking yourself even in a crowd and experi-
encing a feeling of withdrawal because of it until you feel
apart from others and "alone in a crowd".
Let's face it. The person you're going to have
to spend the most time with is you. All others, no matter
how dear, how companionable, or how interesting, cannot
be with you every minute or every hour or every day— and
for various reasons, the time may come when they will not
be with you at all.
Since you are going to spend all of the rest of
your life with you, you might as well learn to like yourself.
This does not mean be egotistical. (People are not nearly
as egotistical to themselves as they appear to be when trying
to impress others.) People, when they are alone, tend to
evaluate themselves very much as they really think they
194
are. That is why not liking yourself and therefore especially
not liking being alone with yourself causes the mental and
emotional discomfort known as loneliness.
That subconscious mind of yours starts digging
up and parading before your conscious mind unpleasant
thoughts involving you— and you dont like it. Psychiatrists
have found that the hypersensitive, irritable, annoying,
criticizing, nagging people who are quick to use those
unpleasant qualities to hurt others, are the ones who turn
those same qualities inward when they are alone. Perhaps
they feel a sense of guilt. Anyway, they feel lonely.
We can state it more simply. If you get along
well with others, you will get along equally well with your-
self—and you will have eliminated the basic cause of
loneliness.
But what to do when you are alone? One of
the most rewarding things to do is nothing! Actually it is
far from being nothing, but it does consist of almost total
physical inactivity. This physical inactivity when you are
alone enables you to engage in two of the most enjoyable
and rewarding mental and spiritual activities:
(1) MEDITATION
(2) CONTEMPLATION
Let's consider the rewards of (1) MEDITA-
TION. There comes a thunderous command: "Be still, and
know that I am God!" And every religious leader, every
philosopher, every thinker, every great and good man and
woman has heeded those words, has gone off alone to a
quiet place, has been still and meditated . . . and listened
spiritually.
195
I don't need to make a case for it. I need only
ask you to read their biographies. Any of them. All of them.
Was Jesus lonesome when He spent forty days and forty
nights— alone— in the wilderness? Was Thoreau lonesome
during the years he spent— alone— at Walden Pond? One
of the most fulfilling, rewarding experiences of life is to
be alone, to be still, to listen spiritually ... to meditate.
I promise you won't feel lonesome.
Now let's consider the other physical inactivity
in which you can engage mentally and spiritually when
you are alone: (2) CONTEMPLATION. This is an art,
the joys of which are indescribable. It is the art of thought-
ful attention to almost anything until you "identify" with it
—spiritually become a part of it. Contemplation can include
everything from bird-watching to art appreciation, to just
contemplating the sheer incredibility of the infinite detail
of the "everyday" things you see outside the window, or
inside the house.
The people who annoy me most are those dull
blobs who sit in airplanes with their faces buried in maga-
zines in the blase attempt to give a sophisticated impres-
sion that this is "just another routine bus ride, all in the
day's work." And now the airplane movie-watchers! Well,
I happen to have flown on quite a few planes in various
parts of the world, myself. And every plane trip is an
exhilarating experience! There, hopefully, are clouds, al-
ways different, always changing. Always magnificent! And
I am in them! In daylight, there is the panorama of the
earth below, with its kaleidoscope of patterns made of
crazy-quilt workings of man and nature. At night, from
196
the window of a plane, I look down on jewels of light,
some scattered, some bursting in massed splendor like
exploding skyrockets. This is a fragment of the universe,
and through contemplation, I am happily involved in it!
Lonely? Amid all this!
If you will but look, you will find the opportuni-
ties for contemplation are as limitless as . . . well, as
every thing! And the deep, satisfying spiritual joy of quiet
contemplation is just as limitless. You cannot be lonely
when you are absorbed in contemplating the vastest or
the tiniest parts of this mysterious, magnificent universe.
Of course, you do not need an airplane or any
form of travel to enjoy your world. If you cannot, or do
not choose to leave your easy chair, the world will come
to you through books, publications, radio and television.
And not just the world as an ever-fascinating spectacle—
but its interesting people of today and on back through
history. You can examine their lives, their thoughts, their
deeds. Again, you have readily available to you . . . con-
templation unlimited. And a sure cure for loneliness-
forever!
One of the recommended cures for loneliness
is to "lose yourself in busy activity", be it vigorous work
or active play, or some difficult puzzle or game which
requires your full mental concentration. If you "lose your-
self' simply as a means of escapism— of escaping from
yourself temporarily— then this method of escape will soon
come to an end, leaving you enervated physically, men-
tally, and emotionally, more subject to the symptoms of
loneliness than when you began this grimly trying to "lose
197
yourself". But if you use work, sports, play, concentration
games, for the sheer fun of enjoying and expressing your-
self in happy activity, then, of course, you have found a
sure and exciting cure for loneliness.
Obviously, being with people you love, or like,
or in whom you can find some interest, prevents or allevi-
ates loneliness. I mention this situation last because some
people place so much dependence on just being with others
that they shrink from facing their own selves— alone— for
any appreciable length of time. Yet you and I and all of
us are going to spend the rest of our lives with our own
selves. And, as I have pointed out earlier, all others, no
matter how dear, how companionable, how interesting,
cannot be with you every minute or every hour or every
day— and, for various reasons, the time may come when
they will not be with you at all.
So, look first to yourself and like yourself. If
you cannot accept yourself, as you now are, then you re
going to have to change yourself into the kind of person
you can accept, like and get along with— alone. Because,
if you cannot get along with yourself— alone— then all the
escapism you can devise, will not prevent loneliness.
But, if you can enjoy being with you, you have
a life-time companion who will be with you always, to
seek out the unlimited miracles of a universe filled with
things to see and do, or just to read about, to meditate
upon, or to contemplate in the depths of your exploring
spirit.
When you like being with j/om— you'll never
be lonely.
198
Chapter 44
Find Out
The world belongs to those who find out.
Show me the person who can find out what the
trouble is— and how to fix it— and I will guarantee that
person's success in life, business, and the pursuit of happi-
ness.
There is nothing more demoralizing to personal
stability than a life full of question marks.
There are very few activities more satisfying
and rewarding than finding the answers to questions, the
solutions to problems.
We need people who can get things done.
But even more, we need people who can find out what
needs to be done and the best way to do it. The world is
full of people who are doing something— and doing it
wrong. The world is full of people who know all kinds of
things— and what they know is wrong. They didn't find out.
It would be better if they did nothing, knew
nothing. Then they could start with a clean slate. They
199
could find out first, so that what they thought, said, and
did, would be right. There is no advantage in being wrong
—even if you're wrong first. It is much more profitable to
take the time required— and be right later.
All governments are full of people busily
doing wrong things, deciding on wrong policies, and ex-
pensively carrying them out in the wrong way, with the
wrong results. Our own nation's history is a long record of
how to do things wrong— not because we didn't try— but
because we didn't find out.
Business makes a big project of doing things
wrong. Maybe computers will help. But my experience
with computers doesn't bear out that hopeful conclusion.
When a computer makes a mistake it is so astronomical or
so repetitive that a hundred people doing things wrong
couldn't equal it. I have spent my life in business. I'm
retired now, so I have plenty of time to look back on all
the mistakes I made. I even have analyzed them. Sort
of post-mortem. I have concluded that all the many mis-
takes I made could have been avoided simply by finding
out.
Education is supposed to be devoted to finding
out— and that's good. The trouble is that education doesn't
start at the beginning. The ultimate purpose of education
should be to enable you to succeed— and I define success as
the attainment of your goal in life. To do this, education
must first provide you with three fundamentals:
( 1 ) INSPIRE you with real, believable facts
which will convince you that you can and
will succeed.
200
(2) MOTIVATE you first to find out what
you need to know and what you need to do
to assure your success— and then continue to
motivate you, throughout your entire life, to
do whatever your success requires.
(3) Teach you a simple SUCCESS FOR-
MULA which you easily and always can use
to achieve your goal in life.
That's not all there is to education, but it is
the necessary beginning.
In government, in business, in education, and
in everyday living, if you want to be great, if you want to
be acclaimed, if you want to be rich— find out what the
trouble is and find out how to fix it. You don't have to fix
it personally. There are plenty of people to do the actual
work. But the big rewards go to the person who FINDS
OUT.
201
Chapter 45
Success Begins With Three
It is the unique plan of this book that each
chapter shall be unrelated to preceding chapters. The
purpose is to give you entirely different "Thoughts To
Build On", and thus add variety to brevity.
However, in this chapter, I want to say a little
more about one idea mentioned in the previous chapter.
It has to do with education and the three things with
which education must begin, if it is to guarantee your
success in achieving your goal in life.
Most formal education today begins with an
empty fuel tank. It has no motive power. It begins by
loading you down with facts before it gives you an operat-
ing vehicle with which to use those facts to reach a goal
-SUCCESS.
Obviously, in the early years of life, success
cannot be defined in specialized terms of specific careers.
So it will have to range from the initial concept of: "CAN
DO" to as far as available imagination can see. The degree
will depend on the stage of development.
But that does not affect the premise that there
are preliminary essentials which must precede every edu-
cational and training process:
First, you must be INSPIRED with real, be-
lievable facts which convince you that you can and will
succeed. That is the ignition which ignites the fuel in the
rocket to propel your guided missile to success. No igni-
tion—and you stay on the ground. There are too many
lives which are grounded because nobody provided the
ignition of inspiration.
Next, you must be MOTIVATED to find out
what you need to know and do in order to assure your
success. Motivation converts inspiration into activity. But
activity, no matter how nobly inspired, can be good or bad.
It does no good to heroically mount your steed and then
frantically ride off in the wrong direction. So your inspira-
tion must be sufficiently motivated for you to be willing
to pay the price of your success in terms of a predetermined
goal. There must be a goal and it must be predetermined
—otherwise you will be accumulating facts for which you
will have no future use.
Whatever you want from life has a price tag.
Not just in money. Money usually is involved, but that is
unimportant, since anybody can get whatever amount of
money he needs. It is the other things included in the
price of success which you must be willing to pay— the
personal sacrifices in time, effort, study, planning, finding
out, going, doing. Formal education too often fails to
203
provide sufficient directional motivation along with the
facts.
Finally, there is a third essential which— to-
gether with inspiration and motivation— must precede
every educational and training process.
You must be given a simple, easy SUCCESS
FORMULA which you can use to achieve whatever you
want in life. It is incredible that people do not understand
the development and use of a success formula. I know of
no college or university, high school or vocational school,
which teaches a real, genuine, sure-fire success formula.
Yet, together with inspiration and motivation, a success
formula is one of the three fundamentals with which useful
education and training must begin.
The government— at all levels: federal, state
and local— is engaged in all sorts of educational and
training programs to help the underprivileged become more
successful. Yet, these government-financed programs
which require billions of dollars of the taxpayers money,
do not start with providing the underprivileged with the
three fundamentals they must have first before the educa-
tion and training they receive can be meaningful and
directional.
Make this simple test. Look at the pictures of
the underprivileged on television or see them in real life
as they live their aimless, hopeless, poverty-retarded exist-
ences. Then ask yourself these simple questions:
(1) Are the underprivileged INSPIRED with
a positive belief that they can and will succeed in earning
a full share of the abundance of our affluent society?
204
(2) Are the underprivileged MOTIVATED
first to find out what they need to know and do to earn
success and are they enthusiastically learning and doing
those things right now?
(3) Do the underprivileged have an easy, sim-
ple, proven SUCCESS FORMULA which they now con-
tinuously use to guide them directly to success, to enable
them to attain whatever they want?
(4) If the underprivileged are not now pro-
vided with these first three fundamental essentials of suc-
cess, why aren't they? Whose fault is it? Why isn't this
fault immediately corrected?
205
Chapter 46
When Personal Tragedy Comes
This is not a happy chapter to write— but it
needs to be written in the hope that some day it will
diminish heartbreak into heartache, then gently substitute
the healing of an acceptance which asks not understanding.
Because into each life— sometime— personal
tragedy will come, inevitably, as a part of life . . . and
death.
There are explanations of this. Choose one if
it helps. It is not our purpose here to examine explanations,
but to seek relief.
Nor shall we morbidly list personal tragedies
for they are sufficient unto themselves. We shall state
simply that the personal tragedies of our lives are our
losses of things or, more often, of persons, very dear and
very much a part of us.
Then they are gone.
What shall we do? What can we do? What
MUST we do?
206
Four things.
Other things, too, perhaps— but always these
four, because just as personal tragedy is inevitable, these
four steps to recovery are infallible.
Each of the four is spelled beginning with an
"A", which makes them easy to remember when grief blurs
our thoughts: A ... A ... A ... A.
(1) ADMIT: First, you must ADMIT that
the tragic loss has occurred. There may be temporary relief
in numb disbelief. But the anesthesia of disbelief wears off
in confrontation with fact and encourages withdrawal from
reality in a vain attempt to sustain escape.
There is a mental danger in playing make-
believe with tragedy. It is better (in fact, it is necessary
if you are to maintain sanity) to face tragedy frankly,
squarely, honestly. There is relief and strength in the cour-
age to meet reality boldly and openly, to ADMIT that what
is so, IS so.
Only when you have taken the first step, AD-
MIT, is it possible to obtain the merciful relief of the next
step toward peace of mind and spirit:
(2) ACCEPT: By fully admitting your tragic
loss, you open the way to what probably is the greatest
and most rewarding of all mental, emotional and spiritual
powers: ACCEPTANCE.
Acceptance of the inevitable is one of man-
kind's greatest achievements. In recognizing the human
inability to control all circumstances, ACCEPTANCE gives
man mastery over the consequences of those events he
cannot control.
207
And so, with personal tragedy. Complete
ACCEPTANCE of it-with humility and submission-
quietly, but surely, gives you the mastery of survival and
the inner resources to deal with whatever consequences
may result.
No one is given a burden without, at the same
time, being given the strength to bear it.
Willingness to ACCEPT the inevitable misfor-
tunes of life transcends almost every other human power.
It is useless to fight the inevitable— or to reject it, or curse
it, or hate it. On an ancient cathedral in Holland is
inscribed the eternal truth: "It is so. It cannot be other-
wise."
We can deal with such finality only through
ACCEPTANCE, as philosopher William James advises,
"Be willing to have it so. ACCEPTANCE of what has hap-
pened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of
any misfortune."
And, in the philosophy of Schopenhauer, "A
good supply of resignation is of first importance in pro-
viding for the journey of life."
By ACCEPTANCE you attain a spiritual tran-
sition from sorrow to tranquility.
But what then?
If we (1) ADMIT and (2) ACCEPT, we
achieve peace of mind. But then must we, like Buddha,
lose ourselves in idle, serene contemplation?
Believing there is more to make of life than
that, we move forward, taking Step Number Three— the
third "A":
208
(3) ADAPT: The act of ADAPTING gives
validity to admitting and accepting— it is the third dimen-
sion which imparts substance, otherwise there remains only
a passive state of mind, helpful as that is, but nothing more.
It is the act of ADAPTING, the ego-involve-
ment in making whatever changes are necessary to adjust
completely to all of the circumstances of your misfortune,
which excludes the imminent possibility of withdrawal.
You must become willingly and totally involved in what-
ever adjustments are necessary, because withdrawal from
reality soon becomes a severe mental illness.
Your ADAPTING must come from within.
Your adjustment to the changed situations resulting from
misfortune must be voluntary and without reservation.
Your adjustment must be total . . . and it must be yours.
It must bear the hallmark of your courage, your determina-
tion, your decision.
Thus, because you : (1) ADMIT, (2) ACCEPT,
and (3) ADAPT . . . you attain a spiritual transition of
indescribable magnitude.
What more can you do?
One more thing. One more "A", perhaps the
easiest because it is made possible by your having com-
pleted the first three steps, but this final "A" will put you
back into the mainstream of life:
(4) ACT: The ultimate achievement in deal-
ing with the consequences of tragedy is to ACT at once,
leaving the door which Fate forever closed, and ACTIVE-
LY seeking the open door which Faith promises, "Seek
209
and ye shall find." For it is a Law of Life that when Fate
closes one door, Faith opens another.
And what is beckoning to you beyond the Door
of Faith? There is an ACTIVITY in which you can lose
your SELF— in a cause of your own choosing, an activity
which will occupy your thoughts and energies, and which
is bigger than you and, therefore, bigger than any feeling
of tragedy which may still possess you.
You must seek your own channel of ACTIV-
ITY . . . find your own cause . . . arid then put your entire
SELF into it, leaving no part of YOU behind to relive,
again and again, the regret, the remorse, the grief of a
tragedy you cannot now undo. You must find the motiva-
tion to ACT— to WORK— physically and mentally, to help
others, thus losing your in-growing SELF-conscioiisness
of tragedy by replacing it with an out-going OTHERS-
consciousness of helpfulness.
Hard physical and mental WORK (the more
constructive and worthwhile, the better) will relieve and
replace emotional tension, anxiety and grief, and will pro-
vide the healthful exhaustion which assures relaxing rest
in the satisfying glow of accomplishment. The ACTIVITY
you choose must be more than an occupation— it must be
a dedication.
So the total: A + A + A + A: (1) ADMIT,
(2) ACCEPT, (3) ADAPT, and (4) ACT ... the infall-
ible combination which, used in that order, will reveal
the Door of Faith through which you can walk confidently
into a new life .. . . serene and assured— busy with the
present, secure in the knowledge that you can accept and
210
surmount sucb inevitable vicissitudes as the unpredictable
future may bring.
Where is the source of such additional power
as you may need to achieve these results?
The power is provided by the very act of your
DOING, because it is a Law of Life that, if you act in
faith, as you do the thing, you will receive the power.
Thus your capability to survive and then sur-
mount personal tragedy finds its power-source in your con-
summate faith that you are a part of Infinity which, being
total perfection, can harbor no problems— including yours
—and so, with unlimited resources, absolves your problems
when you have the wisdom and faith to release them.
211
Chapter 47
The Sympathy Seekers
This world does not have a very good reputa-
tion for treating its temporary occupants with tender loving
care. So if you want to invoke sympathy, you will not
lack opportunities.
But if we are to cope with our problems, we
need less sympathy and more determination.
Annette Kellerman was lame and sickly. Did
she want sympathy? No, she wanted a perfect body.
With determination, exercise and professional treatment,
she developed a perfect body. She was judged one of the
world's most perfectly developed women. She also be-
came the World Diving Champion.
Sandow started life as a sickly weakling. Now,
the last thing Sandow wanted was sympathy. He wanted
strength! He determinedly exercised until he developed
one of the most perfect bodies in history and became the
strongest man of his time.
212
Some years later, a lame, weak little boy named
George Jowett decided that determination was more
constructive than sympathy. He was right. Instead of
feeling sorry for himself and wanting others to feel sorry
for his lameness and weakness, he charged and re-charged
his mind and body with determination. What happened?
No miracle. Just the natural Law of Cause and Effect.
It always works. In ten years, George Jowett became the
world's strongest man.
Then there was poor, blind, deaf, mute Helen
Keller. Did she want sympathy? No. She was determined
to surmount her handicaps and to devote her life to helping
others (who were not nearly so handicaped! ) . She became
one of the most inspiring women of all time. And it is
important to note that Helen Keller did not eliminate her
physical handicaps— that was impossible. What Helen Keller
did was to use determination to surmount her handicaps
and achieve greatness while she was handicappedl
Modern medicine can eliminate most physical
handicaps. Even then, determination is a great factor.
Often the first attempt at a cure does not work. So people
become sympathy-seekers instead of cure-seekers. As Edi-
son did with his experiments, you have to have the deter-
mination to persist, sometimes through many failures, until
finally a solution is found. One of the best therapies is to
keep busy seeking a cure!
There are, of course, some physical handicaps
like Helen Keller's blindness, deafness and muteness
which cannot be completely cured. Then you, like Helen
Keller, must not seek sympathy, but use determination, to
213
surmount your handicap and achieve a happy, satisfying
life while you are handicapped— in spite of your handicap—
or, better still, because of your handicap.
Beethoven wrote his immortal symphonies
when he was deaf.
Milton wrote Paradise Lost when he was blind.
Alexander Pope was so crippled that he hardly
could move, yet he became one of the giants of English
literature.
Julius Caesar was epileptic, yet he conquered
the then-known world. When he felt an epileptic seizure
coming on, he gave instructions for carrying on the battle
while he was unconscious. When he regained conscious-
ness, he calmly resumed command as though nothing had
happened.
Franklin D. Roosevelt, crippled by infantile
paralysis, became President.
In a prison cell, John Bunyan wrote Pilgrim's
Progress, a book that is one of the epics of English
literature.
Robert Louis Stephenson was never, even for
one hour, free from pain and a hacking cough. He suffered
from fever and tuberculosis. Yet he wrote Treasure Island
and many exciting or humorous stories.
We could fill the rest of this book and many
additional volumes just giving examples of the crippled,
the sickly, the physically handicapped, who disdained
sympathy and by sheer determination achieved the greater
solace of surmounting their infirmities.
214
There are countless thousands who daily sur-
mount their handicaps by accepting them and adapting to
them. They seek no sympathy; they ask no privileged as-
sistance. These people, whom we call "handicapped", go
about their daily lives with acceptance, determination and
ingenious adaptation which should make those of us, who
are less handicapped, ashamed of our petty complaining
and our pleas (or demands) for custodial care from some
form of beneficent society.
There are those without arms, who operate
automobiles and machinery with their feet.
There are those without legs, who move about
with agility by using their arms, or with artificial limbs.
There are the blind, whose accomplishments
are no less than miracles to those of us who have not been
confronted with the challenge of continuous total darkness.
They are not sympathy-seekers. They have
compensated for their handicaps by attaining a quality of
character which many of the more fortunate of us should
persistently seek.
215
Chapter 48
Externalize Yourself. Don't Exist!
This is a psychological technique which may
eliminate self-consciousness, make you more popular than
you ever dreamed possible, make you a master of the
rewarding art of conversation, change your entire life for
the better (which is an understatement).
In all fairness, I also should tell you that ex-
ternalizing themselves may be difficult for most people
at first. Not impossible. Just difficult— because it requires
breaking a bad habit. And the resulting feeling is a little
strange. But it's fantastically exciting!
What most of us do— and have done all our
lives— is internalize ourselves. Which simply means we
think about ourselves and we relate other people and
events to ourselves, our families, friends and possessions.
That's nothing of which we need be ashamed since it is
an intinct with which we were born. It is our inheritance
from prehistoric man who had to devote almost his full
216
time to himself and the effect of his antagonistic environ-
ment on himself.
Now let's consider what would happen if we
were to reverse the process and externalize ourselves. We
would, insofar as possible, think of others and think in
terms of their needs, desires, hopes, plans, interests and
involvements with life.
We would, insofar as possible, "not exist" in
our own minds. Only others would exist.
Well, what would happen?
Let's consider fear. Fear usually is anticipated
danger to ourselves, our families, friends or possessions.
When we stop thinking about ourselves, we immediately
stop being afraid. Thus we eliminate fear and its related
anxiety and worry.
For example, take the fear of meeting and
talking to strangers. We are SELF-conscious and feel a
sense of anxiety concerning a possible poor impression we
may make and thus damage our SELF-image. But change
SELF-consciousness to OTHERS-consciousness, eliminate
the concern for your SELF-image and the conditions for
fear for yourself vanish. You are poised, undisturbed, at
ease, unafraid. Obviously, the impression you will make
will be greatly improved.
Now, consider the result of externalizing your-
self in your conversations. YOU "don't exist". Only
OTHERS exist. So your conversation is entirely about
them, their families, their interests, their successes, their
aspirations. Would not this make you a much more inter-
esting conversationalist to them? And since they naturally
217
know more about themselves than you do, this would
enable them to do most of the talking— an additional star
in your conversation crown.
Example could follow example, but, for the
sake of brevity, let's go for the jack-pot now and consider
externalizing your entire attitude toward life. Dont think
' 'inside" about you, your aches and irritations, your annoy-
ances and troubles . . . but think "outside"— externalize
your thinking— 'don t exist" except as a force for helping
others and making this a better world and a better life for
as many others as you can.
Don't do this for appreciation or reward be-
cause, remember, YOU "don t exist". You will have become
a part of a much bigger thing— something so much bigger
that some call it . . . INFINITY.
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Chapter 49
Infinity Has No Problems
So you have problems? Troubles? Fears, wor-
ries, anxieties?
Sure you do. But do you know why? It's
because you are a human being and, like all the rest of us,
just aren't big enough, powerful enough, intelligent enough,
not to have problems, troubles, fears, worries and anxieties.
And, unfortunately, neither you nor any of us can ever
be that big, that powerful, that intelligent.
So, that's that. Or ... is it?
Perhaps we can get some help. Where? Well,
is there anything which does not have problems? Sure.
Infinity has no problems. Everything works exactly, per-
fectly. Always does. Undoubtedly always has. Every-
thing in the whole universe, from planets to electrons,
works perfectly. No problems. Perfection. That's what
Infinity is . . . perfection.
And, Infinity is something else. Infinity is
EVERYTHING. That makes Infinity important-and per-
sonal-to YOU! Because EVERYTHING, which is In-
finity, includes YOU.
That makes YOU a part of the Infinite which
is so big, so powerful, so intelligent that it has no prob-
lems, no troubles, no fears, no worries. And, since you are
a PART of the Infinite, you are a PARTNER of the Infinite.
There's help! More help than you'll ever need!
The trouble with most people is that they never realize
that such help is available to them, anytime, any place,
anywhere. Suppose you were a partner of a billionaire—
and never knew it. It would never do you any good. And
that's just a trivial example compared to being a part of
—a partner of —the Infinite.
If you want your partner to help you, you
have to be constantly aware of your partnership. Assign
all of your problems, troubles, fears and worries to Infinity,
which having no problems, will dispose of yours with
Infinite wisdom and power— thus continuing to have no
problems.
People have difficulty dealing directly with any-
thing so unlimited as Infinity. Naturally. So, many people
personalize Infinity and, in this part of the world, they
call Infinity . . . God.
220
Chapter 50
Life Is A Mirror
This is going to be a sort of trite chapter—
because I (and others) have written about this truism
often and in many ways. Yet it intrigues me so much that
I must write about it once again.
I am deeply fascinated by the fact that each of
our lives is the exact reflection of our own selves. Life is a
mirror which always reflects what we think, how we feel,
what we do and— especially— what we really are.
It is a sobering thought. It should cause one
to pause in his day's moods to witness his reflection in the
mirror of his life.
As we grow older the picture of our past is
etched in the lines of our faces and illuminated, dimly or
brightly, in the depths of our eyes. The old saying that
others can "read us like a book" might better be expressed
that they can "observe us like a picture"— and almost in-
stantly judge us.
221
But, some say that appearances are misleading.
And so they are— sometimes— if we judge by physical ap-
pearances only. Many people have been known to change
their characters and personalities more rapidly than nature
can change the outward physical manifestations of their
new selves. So the novices in character and personality
judgment often are misled, as novices usually are in every
field.
Life, nonetheless, is an accurate mirror. But it
is much more than the usual plate-glass mirror in which
we see ourselves every day. The mirror of life shows not
only our outer appearances, as we have created them, but, it
reveals our inner selves— our characters, our mental depths
and emotional stabilities, our personality traits and degrees
of magnetism.
It is the sum total of our outer and inner selves
which makes up our real reflections in life's mirror— which
are more than visual reflections, but are auras which can
be sensed as well as seen.
If this were only a matter of observing our real
selves as we have created them, it would be merely an
interesting and revealing phenomenon. But it is much more.
It is the creator of our destinies!
We not only become the sum total of every-
thing we have thought, experienced and done in our past,
but in so becoming, our natures determine our responses
to events which constitute our lives.
It simply is a chain of causes and results. What
we think, feel and do, causes us to be what we are. And
222
what we are, causes the circumstances and events of our
lives.
Do not be so naive as to delude yourself that
your life is a happening of fate. It was caused— principally
by you— and it is a mirror which accurately reflects what
you now are.
If you dont like what you see in life's mirror—
you can always change it. Simply by changing YOU.
223
Chapter 51
Inner Pace For Inner Peace
Those, who have thought deeply, have referred
to inner pace in different ways:
. . like muffled drums are beating . . . "
. . your personal inner rhythm . . . "
. . your own private pace . . . "
. . march to your own drummer ..."
It is this personal, individual pace which offers
our lives stability. To exceed it, is to stir an inner frenzy.
To fall behind this beat within you, is to cause the erosion
of personal deterioration.
You can neither speed it up nor slow it down.
It is your own muffled drum, your own inner rhythm, your
own private pace.
Is conducting your life at your built-in pace a
limitation?
Not unless stability is a limitation. Not unless
poise and serenity and inner calm are limitations. And they
are not.
224
In a world which buffets us about— sometimes
gently, sometimes harshly— we would be at the mercy of
relentless, unpredictable and disastrously varying forces,
if we did not accept them calmly, knowing that we could
proceed "in fortune and misfortune, at our own private
pace, like the ticking of a clock in a thunderstorm/*
Thus our lives maintain stability. It is this
marching through life, unhurried and undisturbed, to the
muffled beat of our inner drummer, in accord with our own
rhythm, which enables us to keep on course, however
the forces of chance may press against us.
To achieve this stability, to march through the
vicissitudes of life with steady, even persistence requires,
first, that we accept the existence of an inner rhythm which
sets our inner pace. By living at the rate of our own inner
pace, we find inner peace. It is a condition diligently to be
sought.
But how to seek it? How to find it? That is
much like asking how to find God. In fact, the two are
interrelated— because rhythm is a part of the Universe.
Light is the result of rhythmic light waves.
Sound is the result of rhythm sound waves. Electric power
is the result of successive rhythmic impulses. The Universe
consists of the vastness of planets rotating at a precise pace
around their suns— huge demonstrations of their minimized
reproductions in the infinite organization of all matter and
energy. From the largest to the smallest components of
Infinity there is repeated motion— a rhythm, a pace.
To recognize and accept this Universal truth, is
to know that you— as a part of the Universe— have an inner
225
pace, too. Awareness of its existence is prerequisite to find-
ing it. It is not so obvious as the pace of your heartbeat or
breathing, although these physical symptoms, together with
your degree of tension, stress and strain, all are indicators
of whether or not you are living in rhythm with your inner
pace.
Just as a motor, the moving parts of which are
not rhythmically synchronized, will destroy itself through
the continuing shocks of excessive vibration— so you will
destroy yourself if you do not live your life at the inner
pace which produces inner calm.
And that is the test. If you do not normally
maintain an inner calm, it is a warning that you are not—
physically, mentally or spiritually— living in rhythm with
your own inner pace.
Only you can make the necessary adjustments
in your own life— but when you have made them, you will
feel an inner calm . . . you will know the 'peace that
passeth understanding/'
226
Chapter 52
The Ostrich Target
It has been said that an ostrich which sticks
its head in the sand, makes an irresistible target for a
paddle.
And so people who, ostrich-like, bend over to
hide their heads in the sands of unreality, make irresistible
targets for the paddle of Fate.
Which brings up the highly controversial sub-
ject of the positive affirmation which tries to hide like an
ostrich from the reality of evil.
One cannot think of the generalized positive
affirmation without thinking of the psychologist-psychia-
trist Emile Coue and his famous affirmation, "Every day
in every way I m getting better and better/' I can re-
member when a lot of people used to laugh at that. Well,
they can stop laughing.
Emile Coue cured a lot of people by having
them repeat that simple affirmation over and over again,
in every spare minute, day after day. That was all— repeat
227
it and believe it. That simple affirmation effected many
remarkable cures and it will cure a lot of people today.
Since more than half of today's illnesses are
psychosgmatic (which, as you know, means bodily dis-
orders induced by mental or emotional disturbances ) it is
clear that Emile Coue used one of various methods of treat-
ing the source of more than half of all illnesses and, in
addition, provided a favorable mental and emotional atti-
tude toward physically-caused diseases as well.
The use of the conscious mind to implant bene-
ficial suggestions in the subconscious mind is an accepted
form of therapy. It will be dealt with in other chapters
of this book, but it is not the subject of this chapter.
Here we are to consider the insistence of Emile
Coue on using the most general possible affirmation, "Every
day in every way I m getting better and better." Note how
general and broad the terms of that affirmation are.
This wasn't because Coue was trying to reduce
the therapy of affirmation to its simplest form. Nor was he
seeking an all-purpose cure. He insisted on the use of
broad, general, indefinite terms because he was afraid to
be definite and name the specific ailments or diseases in
the affirmations he had his patients implant in their sub-
conscious minds.
For example, Coue would not permit his pa-
tients to use a specific affirmation such as, "Every day in
every way my sore back is getting better and better." He
was afraid that implanting an affirmation in the patient's
subconscious mind specifying "sore back 9 would focus the
subconscious on the ailment itself and thus aggravate it or,
228
at least, perpetuate it. So his affirmation never referred to
a specific condition.
Now, there is a lot of logic and sound psychol-
ogy in Coue s reasoning. It generally is accepted that the
subconscious mind is like an electronic computer. You feed
information, visual images, emotional feelings, into it and
consciously give it directions. Then, in cybernetic fashion,
it steers the course of your life to bring into reality the
mental images and directions of your conscious mind. It
cannot judge whether they are good or bad, right or wrong.
Its function is solely to materialize them as it interprets
them.
Since the subconscious mind receives and "un-
derstands" only mental pictures, Coue reasoned that the
inclusion of a specific ailment— such as "sore hack 99 — in an
affirmation which was impressed in the subconscious mind,
would steer its course toward the physical realization, or,
in this case the maintenance of, the ailment. Therefore in
his affirmation, "Every day in every way I'm getting better
and better," he avoided all mention of any specific ailments
on the theory that if his patients got "better and better"
their specific ailments also would get "better and better."
He turned specifics into generalities and thereby avoided
them. Ostrich-like.
Which brings us back to the ostrich with its
head in the sand— and people who, ostrich-like, bend over
to hide their heads in the sands of unreality, and thus make
make irresistible targets to tempt a paddle-wielding Fate.
It seems to me unrealistic to deny the existence
of evil. Or unhappiness. Or suffering. Or trouble. To do
229
so is hiding our heads in the sand; we hide from no one
and we escape from nothing.
This is no book on religion. I do not propose
to have here a struggle between Good and Evil— nor a
confrontation between God and the Devil.
I merely point out that evil and unhappiness
and suffering and trouble DO exist; that there is evidence
of them all around us, and that this evidence is undeniable.
We cannot escape by hiding our heads in the sands of un-
reality nor can we make them less specific by generaliza-
tions in the manner of Emile Coue.
I, therefore, would like to suggest an alternate
to the Coue approach of unspecific generalization. And
not merely an alternate approach, but an opposite one:
(1) Clearly recognize and frankly ADMIT
the existence of whatever trouble comes to you. Face up
to it! Define it specifically. Confront it precisely.
(2) ACCEPT it! Not with defeatism and
abject submission, but with the unflinching realism that
it is so. There is no greater relief than the acceptance of
reality. There is no greater torment than the futility of
escapism.
(3) Having realistically accepted trouble—
which you have defined specifically, so that you can attack
it precisely— ACT! You have a definite trouble. You do not
have to approach it in a general manner. You can strike at
its center, where the solution is.
There you have the alternate to the ostrich
escape from the reality of evil, unhappiness, suffering and
the inevitable troubles that flesh is heir to.
230
You will not be immobilized, bent over, with
your head, ostrich-like, stuck in the sand of escapism to
present an irresistible target to the paddle of Fate. You will
be on the move— and a moving target is harder to hit . . .
even for Fate.
Therefore, this call for action!
The therapeutic and cybernetic values of
specific, positive affirmation are multiplied many times
when charged with the high voltage of direct action.
To consciously seek the attitudinal guidance of
your subconscious, provides you with a rocket, fully-pow-
ered, and aimed directly at your goal.
But you must have "Zi/f-Ojff '!
You must act\ Act with bold confidence in the
goal-seeking guidance-system which is a part of your sub-
conscious mind. Act in the knowledge that whatever man
can conceive and believe— man can achieve.
So . . . seek no general "ostrich" cure; attack
the specific cause, to surmount a specific difficulty.
Know that in the doing, you will be given the
powerl
Then concentrate that power!
And ... let all ostriches beware!
231
Chapter 53
Include Yourself In
Having been president of a national advertising
agency and a nationwide public relations firm before I re-
tired, I'd like to pass along, for your consideration and
possible use, a technique of "image building" not gen-
erally known by the public.
It is called: "Including yourself in."
It is applying the "we" attitude to yourself or
your firm or group in association with "other leaders." Of
course you must, in fact, be a leader of at least some con-
sequence^ be worthy of consideration as a leader, to use
the image-building technique of "including yourself in."
Otherwise you will undermine your credibility, or even
appear ridiculous.
But there are many people, firms and groups
who would be included in and accepted by a group to
which they deservedly could belong if they would always
"include themselves in" and always say "we" in referring
to such a group.
232
Let me give you a few examples of this very
rewarding technique— starting with business firms. In our
advertising and public relations work, we had various
clients who were, at first, not considered to be among the
leaders in their respective fields.
So in their advertising, publicity, and in their
statements and actions, they "included themselves in" the
next highest status bracket until they were accepted at the
very top— if not for size, then for quality, or some other
leadership "image".
Among the many techniques which can be
used to "include yourself in" is the use of the word "we"
to associate yourself in the public mind with well-known,
fully-accepted leaders. Frequently assert: "As one of the
leaders in this industry, we must share the responsibility
for . . ." Or: "As a leader in this field, we are proud of
the accomplishments which have been achieved in . . ."
Or: "We know we cannot maintain our position of leader-
ship in quality craftsmanship unless we continue to . . ."
In using this "include yourself in" technique,
the meaning you give the word "we" is extremely impor-
tant. For example, Negroes, in asserting racial equality,
lose the opportunity to express integrated equality when-
ever they say: "we", meaning: "we, Negroes", when they
should, in asserting racial equality, say: "we, citizens"
. . . "we, parents" . . . "we, taxpayers" . . . "we, uni-
versity graduates" . . . "we, Americans". By "including
themselves in" integrated groups to which they certainly
belong, they would stop emphasizing their differences
233
and establish their similarity. Similarity is the road to
acceptance. It "includes you in".
The technique, then, is to find similarities with
the group with which you want to be identified, then use
the inclusive word: "we" in describing yourself as a part
of that group.
How others regard you— the "image" they have
of you— is largely under your own control. "Image-build-
ing" is well worth the thought, planning and continuous
effort it requires. Others will respect you and respond to
you in direct accordance with the "image" you have built
of yourself in their minds. Thus you, yourself, determine
how others will treat you— for better or for worse.
Perhaps the most rewarding time you can spend
is in deciding what you want to "be" in the judgment of
others, giving full consideration to the consequences
which will result. Then do whatever it takes to be indis-
putably that, being sure to "include yourself in" those
groups, the accepted membership in which will establish
your "image".
Do it conscientiously, do it honestly, do it well,
and the "image" which you build will be real. It will be
YOU!
234
Chapter 54
Smile... ANYHOW!!!
You probably have heard the story of the
woman who was beset with annoyances, problems and
troubles. So she lettered a sign reading: "Smile!" and
fastened it to her bathroom mirror as a reminder. How-
ever, she still was beset with annoyances, problems and
troubles, so she took down the sign reading: "Smile!"—
and replaced it with a sign reading: "Smile . . . ANY-
HOW!!!"
No one is immune to annoyances, problems
and troubles. They are a part of life and, while we may
not enjoy them, they do keep life from being a dull routine.
Just think how boring it would be to sit in a rocking chair
and eat chocolate ice cream all day!
Fortunately for each of us, there is more to
life than a rocking chair and ice cream existence. Irrita-
tions with which to cope, problems to be solved, obstacles
to be overcome, challenges to be met— all act as stimulants,
235
and if we don t find life stimulating, we shall not find it
interesting.
Psychologists have offered various suggestions
to get us "part of the action", as the current expression
goes.
One psychologist prescribes: "Always have a
fight on!" He emphasizes that the fight should be for a
worthy cause, or against injustice, poverty, disease. I have
a friend who is a retired sales manager. His fight is for
the conservation of this nation s natural resources and wild-
life. He is devoting his retirement and his considerable
talent to fighting for a worthy cause. He eagerly takes on
all comers— including me! While I agree with and en-
courage almost all of his conservation activities, I once
wrote him, disagreeing with a statement he had made in
one of his national newsletters, which he finances pri-
vately. He promptly published, with my permission, my
two-page, fully-documented letter of criticism! Think he
finds life dull? He always has a fight on! He likes problemsl
He can "Smile . . . ANYHOW!!!"
To meet the annoyances and problems of life
and "Smile . . . ANYHOW!!!", psychologists prescribe:
"Grapple!" There is a chapter on "Grapple" in this book
(Chapter 40) which I suggest you re-read in full, so I shall
only briefly review it here. Mental and emotional illness
is caused by the overwhelming accumulation of unsolved
problems. To prevent excess anxiety, avoid this accumula-
tion of problems by meeting each problem as it arises and
enthusiastically grappling with it until you reach a satis-
factory solution. (Note: I said: "satisfactory solution", not
236
"the one, best, perfect solution*'.) It requires as much
energy to try to escape from a problem as it does to grapple
with it and solve it. So take the psychologists* advice and
solve your problems by enthusiastically grappling with
them.
Then, when you have a problem, you can
"Smile . . . ANYHOW!!!"
That is the key to enjoying life, even with its
daily quota of irritations and problems. Smile . . . ANY-
HOW!!! Anybody can smile when everything goes right
—the secret is to be able to smile when everything goes
wrong. You, like all the rest of us, are going to have your
share of annoyances, problems and troubles— so you might
just as well decide to take them in your stride and smile
at them as unwelcome, but inevitable, visitors. It isn*t
what happens, but how you feel about what happens, that
really counts. And you can control your feeling.
According to the eminent authority, William
James, you can control your feeling by acting the way you
want to feel. So if you want to feel happier— smile! Even
if you don't have a reason to smile— "Smile . . . ANY-
Hownr
And since a fair share of your life, like all lives,
will be made up of annoyances, problems and troubles, do
what the wise woman at the beginning of this chapter did.
Take down your reminder sign which reads: "Smile!"—
and realistically replace it with a sign which reminds you
to: "Smile . . . ANYHOW!!!"
237
Chapter 55
How To Be A Billionaire
It is the serious purpose of this chapter to tell
you how to make a BILLION dollars. Now that sounds
like a lot of money. And it is. Specifically it is 1,000 million
dollars.
The only sure way to learn how to make a
billion dollars is to learn from a billionaire. There is no
point in taking advice from someone who hasn't done it.
The following instructions on how to make a
billion dollars come from J. Paul Getty whose assets
exceed one and one-half billion dollars (more than 1,500
millionaires).
I witnessed an interview with billionaire J.
Paul Getty during which he was asked the secret of his
success. Here is his billion-dollar secret in two words:
"TRY HARDER!"
That's it. Just TRY HARDER. If that seems
too simple, think it through to its ultimate conclusion.
238
First you try harder . . . and then you try
harder than that . . . and you try harder than that . . .
then try harder than that . . . and so you pyramid your
efforts and you pyramid your gains.
Compounded effort is like compound interest-
it expands at a terrific rate. Pyramiding your efforts is
like pyramiding your profits—the acceleration in your gains
is enormous and the total result . . . well, Paul Getty
made one and one-half billion dollars!
His method: TRY HARDER!
I happen to have devoted my life to studying
success techniques. I have three personal libraries of
books explaining how to be successful. I have documented
the success methods of all the most successful men and
women in the world. I have fifteen private files of more
than 1,000 proven success methods. I have recorded these
success methods in a series of books which are sold
separately but which, together, comprise the complete
Proven Success Methods Library described on the back of
this book's jacket. My purpose has been to enable everyone
to achieve success whatever his or her present situation.
Now along comes a billionaire who tells how
to succeed, in just two words: "TRY HARDER".
The more I think about Paul Getty's advice,
the more I like it as a life slogan . . . TRY HARDER.
239
Chapter 56
GOODWILL Is Your SUCCESS
INSURANCE
You insure your life, health, income, property
and just about everything valuable, the loss of which
would be a disaster to you and your family. You wisely
add insurance as necessary.
But do you, just as prudently, acquire SUC-
CESS INSURANCE? And do you constantly add to your
SUCCESS INSURANCE?
Success Insurance is usually called by a more
familiar name . . . GOODWILL.
Just because the concept of goodwill is famil-
iar, do not pass it by lightly. Goodwill may be or may
become one of your most valuable assets. In addition to
its many other satisfactions, goodwill has a very high
monetary value. In the sale or merger of businesses, their
goodwill has a definite dollars-and-cents value which, in
many transactions, amounts to millions of dollars.
240
In some businesses, goodwill is their greatest
single asset. Many companies have been purchased for
huge sums primarily to acquire the goodwill associated
with their famous names or the popular brand names of
their products.
Individuals, of course, acquire goodwill, too,
and it can have great monetary value. But the purpose
of this chapter is to consider goodwill as your personal
SUCCESS INSURANCE and, in this context, goodwill is
not purchased but must be created by what you say, write
or do.
Remember those three words: "say, write or
do" because they will be the basis of a simple test which
will guide you in creating the personal SUCCESS IN-
SURANCE of goodwill.
First, to assure you of the importance and
value of this test, I want to relate my own experience
with it. Having retired at fifty, after a business career
which included being president of eight corporations, I
have devoted some of my retirement to analyzing the
causes of my successes and failures, to provide some first-
hand material to be included in a compact library of
Success Books which I am writing.
My post-analysis revealed that what I did right
and what I did wrong, in almost every instance, was sub-
stantially determined by whether I succeeded or failed to
meet the requirements of this simple test; although, unfor-
tunately, I did not know about this test, as such, at the
time. I wish I had.
241
Any test which has so much to do with success
or failure— and which, if used, will insure your success-
should have your most careful consideration. I am empha-
sizing the word "insure" because insurance presupposes
the existence of other elements and factors; therefore,
other ingredients of success must also be present— but, if
they are, this test will provide the insurance factor.
Here is your SUCCESS INSURANCE test:
( 1 ) In dealing with others, do not say, write
or do anything until you have asked yourself this simple
question: "Will what I am about to say, write or do-
create goodwill or incur ill will?"
(2) If you can answer with asssurance that
what you are about to say, write or do, will create goodwill
(and the other necessary success factors also are present),
doit.
(3) But if you thoughtfully conclude that
what you are about to say, write or do, will incur ill will
(no matter how clever, expedient or even "justified" it
may be) . . . do not do it.
It is difficult to resist being clever, or doing
what is expedient, or responding in kind to an insult, or
unnecessarily proving that you are right or are smarter
than some other person, or doing so many of the self-
satisfying things which injure the precious ego of another
to please or even placate your own ego. But it is much
more difficult for you to overcome the immediate or future
damage of the ill will which you thus incur.
It is a sinister characteristic of ill will to seem
innocuous at its inception only to escalate to major pro-
portions as it becomes emotionalized by repeated review-
ing. Make it a rule: never incur ill will. Your own ego
satisfaction just isn't worth it.
Now let's consider the SUCCESS INSUR-
ANCE of GOODWILL. This is goodwill which you, your-
self, must create in your relations with others. It requires
thought, effort and often the expenditure of some of your
money. Obtaining the goodwill of others does not just
happen. It is the direct result of something you say, write
or do deliberately to create their goodwill toward you.
It seldom is spontaneous. Your SUCCESS INSURANCE
must be planned as carefully as you plan your other
insurance.
That is because drawing the goodwill of others
toward you is the result of your giving others a bonus, of
your giving them something extra— something which they
want— which is neither required nor expected, but which
you give freely, willingly, graciously. And it must be
clear that you expect nothing in return but their goodwill.
That is the key! Give something extra— a bonus
—to others, which they have no right to require or even
to expect, and for which it is clear you want nothing in
return except goodwill.
Naturally, the something extra— the bonus—
you give others must be something they want or it will be
worse than valueless in terms of building goodwill.
So, how can you be sure that you are giving
others a bonus of what they want? Well, we return again
to those three invisible signs everybody wears across his
or her chest:
243
(1)1 want to be IMPORTANT.
(2) I want to be ADMIRED.
(3)1 want to be APPRECIATED.
If in dealing with others, whatever you say,
write or do, gives others an extra feeling of deserved
importance, an extra satisfaction of being genuinely ad-
mired, a bonus of sincere appreciation, substantially ex-
ceeding that which could be required or even expected—
then you can be sure that you have added to their goodwill
toward you and thus have added to your SUCCESS IN-
SURANCE.
How, specifically, can you do this? What
other ways are there to create goodwill? How much
thought, time, effort and money should you devote to
creating goodwill, acquiring SUCCESS INSURANCE?
Each person's situation is different. You are
in a better position to answer these questions for yourself
than I am. And, anyway, the purpose of this book is to
start you into channels of rewarding thoughts— not to do
your thinking for you, even if I could, and I cannot.
But I can conceive of no more rewarding
"THOUGHTS TO BUILD ON" than for you to plan
exactly how you will create more goodwill in each and
every present and future personal relationship . . . and
thereby insure your success in life.
244
Chapter 57
Use Your NOTHING COMPUTER
A very valuable computer has just been dis-
covered!
This valuable computer has been discovered
inside YOU!
It is called the NOTHING COMPUTER.
It is called the NOTHING COMPUTER be-
cause it does absolutely nothing about whatever problems
are fed into it. You just feed into your NOTHING COM-
PUTER all of your problems, anxieties, fears, resent-
ments, and all the other unpleasantness about which you
cannot do anything constructive— you assign them to your
NOTHING COMPUTER and let it do the unnecessary
worrying for you— while you devote your constructive
thought and effort to worthwhile accomplishments.
Most of us are partially immobilized by the
memories of our mistakes in countless yesterdays. Yet we
cannot re-live the past. So why bear these additional
burdens? Put them into your NOTHING COMPUTER.
245
Let go of them. Let your NOTHING COMPUTER handle
your remorse and regrets.
Many of us live in anxiety and sometimes panic
concerning the future. Yet we cannot see beyond the hands
of today's clock. So why burden yourself with imagined
events which have not even occurred, may never happen,
and cannot be dealt with before their time? Put them into
your NOTHING COMPUTER. And leave them there.
Sufficient unto each day are the tasks thereof.
We have enough difficulty with today's tasks, without
adding the remorse of the past and the anxiety of the
future. So irrevocably put your past regrets and future
worries into your NOTHING COMPUTER-and they
will not return to disturb you, because your NOTHING
COMPUTER will keep them locked inside, while dili-
gently working on them by doing . . . nothing!
Anything which would disturb, annoy, worry
or burden you— and which you cannot, should not, or do
not choose to do anything about, should be turned over to
your NOTHING COMPUTER with the feeling of relief
that you have entirely disposed of that annoyance.
Remember, annoyances will not go away of
their own accord. You have to do something to dispose
of them. The conclusive way to dispose of them is to
assign them to your NOTHING COMPUTER.
A few examples:
Unlike Will Rogers, who claimed he never met
a man he did not like, I have met people whom, for valid
reasons, I did not like. But their continued existence on
this same planet does not disturb me in the least. You see,
246
I have assigned them to my NOTHING COMPUTER.
And . . . good riddance!
There was a man who had a constantly com-
plaining wife. Yet he was serenely undisturbed by her
petty complaints; they never reached his consciousness be-
cause he sent them directly to his NOTHING COM-
PUTER.
There was a wife whose husband had a quick
temper. She did not over-react to his brief anger and thus
precipitate a shouting match resulting in mutually hurt
feelings. She simply assigned his temper tantrums to her
NOTHING COMPUTER. Since he could not argue with
nothing and found himself threshing around in an emo-
tional vacuum, he learned to feed the various causes of
his irritability into his own NOTHING COMPUTER and
thus had nothing to be angry about.
A NOTHING COMPUTER is simply an amus-
ing, imaginary device for accomplishing what psychiatrists
call * catharsis" (which, in common parlance, means "get-
ting rid of undesirable thoughts and feelings" ), and a
NOTHING COMPUTER also provides the means of
mentally and emotionally "blanking out" undesirable
thoughts and feelings so that they do not make a conscious,
much less a subconscious, impression on you.
To be able to eliminate all mental-emotional
reactions to undesirable thoughts and feelings is a state of
perfection constantly to be sought. In the meantime, at
least discipline yourself not to over-react in any situation.
OVER-REACTING will get you into serious
trouble— fast! Serious trouble cannot be handled by your
Ml
useful, amusing, imaginary NOTHING COMPUTER. But
serious trouble can be handled calmly, intelligently by
RESTRAINING OVER-REACTION.
In addition to the professional warnings of
psychiatrists, psychologists, personality counselors and
many others concerned with personal problems, there are
numerous homespun admonitions against over-reacting
which have come down through the years, such as:
"Don't burn down the barn to kill the rats."
"Don't put out a small fire with a big bucket
of water."
And, we might include a more modern one for
college rioters, "Don't close the college to spite the School
Board."
OVER-REACTION in ANGER probably will
hurt you emotionally more than the enemy you surely
will make. By pouring the gasoline of over-reaction in
anger on the temporary flickering flames of displeasure,
you start an inferno of hate which escalates with each
additional bucket of gasoline. And, you make conciliation
more difficult, if not impossible. Your anger will continue
to burn long after your target has shrugged you off as an
undisciplined, uncontrolled hot-head.
OVER-REACTION in GRIEF cuts even deep-
er into the emotional wound and sets up a complex net-
work of deep memory patterns which are so sensitive that
even unrelated future events trigger renewed sorrow.
Since grief is the reaction to an irreplaceable loss, OVER-
REACTION in GRIEF cannot replace the loss, but serves
248
only to escalate the pain of sorrow, providing neither
comfort nor consolation.
OVER-REACTION in JOY seems to be a sort
of super-happy experience which constructively accents
the positive in contrast to the negative impact and damag-
ing results of over-reacting in anger and grief. It has been
recommended by such philosophical statements as, "When
once the cup of pleasure is to your lips, drink it to the
dregs; it may not come again." Yet it is wise not to over-
react even to joy because as Longfellow said, "Not enjoy-
ment and not sorrow is our destined end or way." So do as
Kipling advised: "Meet with triumph and disaster and treat
those two imposters just the same." Only by such even-
handedness can you maintain psychiatrist Dr. Karl Men-
ningers requirement of "Vital Balance."
The wise men insistently are telling us that
the pendulum of Life swings back and forth. And, the
psychiatrists say that our reactions determine both ex-
tremes of its arc. The pleasure-pain graph-line of Life
goes up and down, but we may control its peaks and
valleys by the extent of our reaction or over-reaction to
the direction of its movement.
We should curb OVER-REACTION and ex-
tremism in any direction— and seek, instead, psychiatrist
Dr. Karl Menninger's "Vital Balance" as a way to equanim-
ity—for only in calmness and serenity will we find peace
of mind.
249
Chapter 58
Permissiveness Makes Slobs
The permissive persuaders have had their say.
Now it's time someone spoke up for discipline.
Physical discipline. Mental discipline. Moral discipline.
Start with physical discipline. I cannot think
of any noteworthy physical accomplishment which has
been achieved without physical discipline. Ask any ath-
lete. Better still, ask any champion. Only the most constant
discipline can produce the physique, the stamina, the co-
ordination—the complete physical ability— to be a cham-
pion.
But you don't aspire to be a champion? Then
choose your niche. The choice is up to you. Depending
on how soon in life you start, you can attain whatever
physical perfection your remaining years allow— or through
physical permissiveness, hit skid row. Or, choose any
degree of physical fitness in between.
It's simply a matter of physical discipline-
based on information. The facts of physical fitness are
250
simple and easy to learn. So it is really a matter of doing
what you must do and not doing what you must not do.
That's discipline. It's not always fun. Sometimes it's dis-
agreeable. Sometimes it's just plain rough. But it pays off
big in results. Much better than physical permissiveness.
Because physical permissiveness will make you a slob.
Even so, physical discipline is easier than
mental discipline. Somehow it's harder to keep your mind
under control than your body. That's because, in evolu-
tion, man's body developed before his mind. ' In fact, man's
mind hasn't developed very much yet. The day's news is
ample evidence of that.
There is a great excess of mental permissive-
ness: mental wandering, aimless, uncontrolled, undisci-
plined.
Of course, there is a great deal of subconscious
mental wandering during sleep. It is a phenomenon which
should not be left to Freud. The opportunities for con-
structive use of the time thus spent every night are too
great. Research, to date, has accomplished too little. Yet
the problem is so complex, we must leave it to the special-
ists.
However, there is much we can do about mental
discipline during our waking hours. And there is much we
need to do. For example, take concentration. Can you
concentrate on just one simple, single thought without
another thought interrupting for fifteen seconds? For
thirty seconds? For a minute? Try it.
Without the mental discipline of controlled
concentration, we accomplish only a slight fraction of what
251
we could. Controlled concentration can be attained by
anybody. It is a matter of mental discipline. Practice.
Training.
Even more important is our disciplined control
of what we think. Because what we think determines sub-
stantially what we are and specifically what we shall be-
come.
"As a man thinketh ... so is he", says the Bible.
Buddha taught, "All that we are is the result
of what we have thought."
Throughout all great religions, throughout all
significant philosophies, throughout the personal disci-
plines of all great individuals, is the dominant assertion
that each of us is or becomes the materialization of what
he thinks.
This process of being or becoming what we
think, is accelerated by the intensity of our deeply believ-
ing what we think.
The Bible says, "ALL things are possible to
him that believeth." That's a strong statement, but it comes
from the Source of the possible— God.
Study the miracle cures and you will find one
cause— deep belief. Some day we shall discover that mir-
acles are not miraculous at all— just happenings which we
do not, at the time, understand. Miracles are caused, and
the cause is deep belief.
Study the lives of great men and women, and
you will discover that underlying each great achievement
was the immovable foundation of deep belief in their
personal abilities, in their ultimate success. Psychologists
252
have proven that whatever the mind can conceive and
believe—man can achieve.
William James taught that: "BELIEF CRE-
ATES THE ACTUAL FACT." He said, "In any project,
the important factor is your belief. Without belief there
can be no successful outcome. That is fundamental."
Belief is the result of a disciplined mind. Only
a disciplined mind can concentrate the intensity of belief
into the white heat of a desire powerful enough to achieve
its goal. So William James further taught: "If you only
care enough for a result, you will almost certainly attain it.
If you wish to be rich, you will be rich; if you wish to be
learned, you will be learned; if you wish to be good, you
will be good. Only you must, then, really wish these things,
and wish them exclusively, and not wish at the same time
a hundred other incompatible things just as strongly."
Mental focus through mental discipline.
Dr. Walter Scott, famous psychologist and
President of Northwestern University, taught: "Success or
failure in business is caused more by mental attitudes than
by mental capacities." Mental attitudes are the result of
mental discipline.
The famous preacher-psychologist-writer, Dr.
Norman Vincent Peale, says: "Think success, visualize
success, and you will set in motion the power-force of the
realizable wish. When the mental picture or attitude is
strongly enough held, it actually seems to control condi-
tions and circumstances." To hold a mental picture or
attitude strongJLy enough requires mental discipline.
253
Finally, let's take our case for mental dis-
cipline all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. The deci-
sion ... by the late Justice Cardozo: "We are what we
believe we are." To believe deeply and constantly requires
mental discipline. Case closed.
Probably it is in the field of morals that the
persuaders of permissiveness have most deeply damaged
humanity. Their reasoning is so subtle and their teaching
so appealing: "Be free! Turn on and do whatever you
want to do! Tune out and ignore whatever you do not want
to do! Disregard any moral discipline which limits your
lust. Disobey any law with which you do not agree. Moral
permissiveness will set you free!"
Yes, permissiveness will make you free— as free
as a truck loaded with explosives free-wheeling down a
steep, winding mountain road . . . without brakes!
And permissiveness will do something else
for you. Permissiveness— physical, mental and moral per-
missiveness— will make you a SLOB!
254
Chapter 59
The Crystal Globe
I would like to send a globe to each Great Man
of each Great Nation.
It would be a globe of the Earth. Except it
would show no nations and no continents. Neither land
nor sea. Only a clear, crystal globe— like a crystal ball-
to place on his desk near the red push-button.
Just something to look at ... as his finger toys
with the little red push-button near by. Perhaps he will
see in his crystal ball . . .
Blossoms of babies, soft in their cribs. A tiny
boy gaily pulling an even more tiny girl in a little red
wagon. A group of youngsters giggling. And older teen-
agers who have stopped giggling because of the seriousness
of it all. A bride and groom in their great moment at the
altar. Men at work, building, building— for what? Women,
when their own day's work is done, waiting for their men
to come home and take them in their arms. An old couple
sitting side by side, holding hands as they did in their
255
yesterdays and silently praying that there will be more
tomorrows.
Perhaps each Great Man of each Great Nation
will see these in his crystal ball, and then it will be clear
crystal again. Merely a blank globe of the Earth ... no
nations and no continents . . . neither land nor sea ... as
his finger toys with the red push-button.
256
Chapter 60
The Lesson Of The Butterfly
I stood quietly in the field of new-mown hay
and watched a beautiful butterfly as it fluttered frantically
about . . . searching . . . seeking . . . wanting.
Only yesterday the butterfly had found the
flower. And it had become a very special flower to the
butterfly. To be sought. To be near. To be gently caressed
as only a beautiful butterfly can caress a lovely flower.
But the flower had not been special to the
mower. And it lay cut and wilting in the noonday sun,
half-hidden in the cut grass. No longer lovely.
Poor butterfly! Fluttering frantically about . . .
searching . . . seeking . . . wanting.
So we learn in life's hard school that the goals
which we cherished yesterday meant nothing to life's
mower today and we find them cut down and wilting
among the cut grasses at our feet.
But as the butterfly keeps searching . . . seeking
. . . wanting ... it will find other lovelier flowers.
257
And so must we seek new and greater goals.
For we shall find them if we seek, just as the butterfly will
find more and lovelier flowers.
As in the world of butterflies, there is an abun-
dance of flowers— so in our own lives there is an abundance
of goals, each with a greater reward than that which seemed
so essential before life, with a wisdom we are not meant
to understand, cut it down.
It's life's way of keeping us ever searching . . .
and seeking . . . and wanting. In so doing, we learn the
purpose of the mower . . . which cuts down our yesterdays
so that we may seek and find an even brighter tomorrow.
258
Chapter 61
Which Way Do You Lean?
In a vocabulary of larger words, I would have
to say this is a chapter about predisposition. But by prefer-
ence, Td like to write a bit about leaning, which is a
simpler way of saying it.
You see, leaning is important— the direction in
which you lean, that is. Not north nor south nor east nor
west, but depending upon the direction from which comes
each storm of life.
Always lean into the storms of life. Lean to-
ward danger— never away from it.
There are those who will tell you to lean with
life's winds so their forces will not break you. Give way,
they say. Bend with the forces, even to lying prone, and
let the storms of life pass over you to seek more hardy
victims. Then, when all is calm again, you can struggle to
your feet and brush your clothes— and smile smugly to
yourself, reassured that you haven't been hurt.
259
You haven't been hurt? Well, for one thing,
your character has been hurt! And that mysterious thing
inside you, known as your subconscious, has been predis-
posed to bending with each blow, to giving way to each
force, even to lying down in the hope that danger will
pass over you to seek out someone else.
And that first time you gave way in the face
of life's storm, you judged yourself, and sealed the verdict
deep inside you— that you were a coward. Then the next
time and the next, you knew which way you would lean.
The same way always: away from danger.
This leaning away, this allowing yourself to
bend with each passing storm of life— what does it matter?
Can you not stand straight again when the danger is past?
Well, not exactly straight, because, you see, your character
will be bent.
This results in more than just a sense of inner
insecurity, of anxious anticipation of the next storm to lean
away from. It brands you. Then everyone will know which
way you will lean in danger. It will show in your eyes—
and in your attitudes. Yes, people will know and judge
and respond to how you will lean.
A Chinese sage of long ago said wisely, "Every-
body pushes a falling fence , \
And so they do. In derision, I suppose, because
the falling fence leans away from whatever pushed it.
Ready to lean some more whenever it is pushed again.
Like some people!
Those who have watched a herd of animals
can easily tell the leader. Animals can sense impending
260
danger and always, without the slightest hesitation, the
leader of the herd moves toward the danger. Or he would
no longer be accepted as leader. He is instinctively pre-
disposed to place himself between the herd and danger.
He leans toward danger. Therefore, he is the unquestioned
leader.
That is the mark of a leader of people. When
all the debate is finished, when all the other tests have been
given, there is just one final test which, in the end, deter-
mines the ultimate decision: Are you, by instinct— or even
better, by training— predisposed to always, without the
slightest hestitation, place yourself between your people
and danger? When the storms of life reach the force to
push you around, do you resolutely lean into every storm—
and stand firm?
That is the ultimate mark of leadership.
That is the ultimate test of your quality as a
person.
261
Chapter 62
You Can Live Twice
Sir Christopher Wren lived in the seventeenth
century.
In fact, he lived TWICE in the seventeenth
century!
His first life consisted of growing up, getting
a good education and being a professor of astronomy at
Gresham College and Oxford. That first life lasted forty-
eight years. Then he decided 'lie had done that" and there
wasn't any particular point in continued repetition.
So he decided he would live a new and entirely
different life. He decided that instead of being an astron-
omer and just looking at a distant heaven, he would bring
Heaven down to earth by building beautiful churches and
majestic cathedrals.
After his first life of forty-eight years as a schol-
ar and teacher, Sir Christopher Wren devoted a second
life of forty-one years to building fifty-three churches and
cathedrals of such beauty and grandeur that they stand
262
as monuments to his greatness. He designed and super-
vised the building of the magnificent St. Paul's Cathedral
in London for which he will be forever famous.
Of course, you can be prosaic about it and say
Sir Christopher merely changed professions. But I like to
think of him as living a different and second life. Like the
man James Whitcomb Riley wrote about, who said that
now that he had lived his full three score and ten, he had
finally got the hang of living and therefore proposed to do
it over again—only do it better.
So, Sir Christopher Wren really lived a second
and different life— and lived it better.
This is not unusual. Lots of people have done
it. I mention it only to point up the wisdom in the advice
one hears more and more these days: "DON'T GET
STUCK WITH THE PRESENT!"
There was a man who lived four different
lives! His name was Dr. Albert Schweitzer. As a Doctor
of Philosophy he was the author of many learned books.
A fulfilling life in itself!
Then he sought a new life in religion. He
studied theology and earned a Doctor's degree in that
subject. He became Curate of St. Nicholas Church in
Strasbourg and there began a different and second life.
But even two rewarding lives were not enough
for Dr. Schweitzer. He loved beautiful music, so he studied
it, mastered it, and earned a Doctor's degree in music.
He went on to become one of the greatest concert organists
of all time!
Having achieved fame and acclaim in his life
of music, Dr. Schweitzer felt a compelling desire to min-
ister to the poor and the sick savages of the jungles of
Africa. So he began to study to be a physician and surgeon.
Finally he earned his fourth Doctor's degree, this time in
medicine. He gave up his life of fame and acclaim as a
great concert organist to begin a fourth and totally different
life in Lamborene, in steaming, tropical Africa, where his
small group made a clearing in a giant forest infested with
danger: pythons, gorillas, crocodiles, wild savages. There
he built his "hospital" and lived the life he most wanted
to live. There he found the divine greatness of a life based
on the eternal lesson: "It is more blessed to give than to
receive/'
Most people live only one life and many have
a difficult time making a success of that. Certainly it is
better to continue doing what you do best and what
brings the greatest good to others as well as to yourself.
Change for the sake of change brings more frustration than
happiness.
But neither do you have to give your allotted
years to a life of dullness and mediocrity. In that case,
you will do better to start all over again and live another
and different life.
Just remember, you don t have to be "STUCK
WITH THE PRESENT".
264
Chapter 63
Bad Temper Is Worse Than Bad
Fortune
With good humor and a pleasant disposition
you can conquer misfortune. But a bad temper and a
nasty disposition will conquer you. A bad temper will
make life a hell for you and all those around you.
There must be something very damaging about
a bad temper because so many famous thinkers have
made a special point of warning about it.
A bad temper will hurt you far more than it
will hurt those at whom it is directed, as the English author,
Charles Buxton warns, "Bad temper is its own scourge.
Few things are more bitter than to feel bitter. A man's
venom poisons himself more than his victim."
Or, as Bishop Richard Cumberland said, "Of
all bad things by which mankind are cursed, their own
bad tempers surely are the worst." Now, a Bishop has
made ample study of "all bad things by which mankind
265
are cursed." It is in the nature of the clergy's service to
mankind, to consider the many ills that flesh is heir to,
and to provide such alleviation or solace as is within the
province of religion. Having thoughtfully considered the
curses of mankind, Bishop Cumberland concluded that
"their own bad tempers surely are the worst."
He is joined by other great thinkers of the
Faith. The forthright Irish clergyman, Robert Clayton,
stated bluntly, "If religion does nothing for your temper,
it has done nothing for your soul."
And the English clergyman, Richard Cecil,
added this advice, "If a man has a quarrelsome temper, let
him alone." Which Dale Carnegie said another way when
he wrote, "Never get into a squirting match with a skunk."
So if you want to feel lonely, if you want to
be avoided and shunned, just develop and display a bad
temper. Your instant success in the field of loneliness will
be assured.
But your success will be limited to achieving
loneliness; your bad temper will not make you welcome
in the business world, for as the Earl of Chesterfield said,
"A man who cannot command his temper should not think
of being a man of business." To which we can add the
advice of author Charles Cherbuliez, "Men who have
had a great deal of experience learn not to lose their
tempers."
What would you pay to learn the secret of
finding happiness and avoiding misery? Well, you don't
have to pay anything, and it isn't a secret, either. It was
clearly stated way back in the seventeenth century by
266
Francois Rochefoucauld, "The happiness and misery of
people depend on their tempers." And re-stated by the
English philosopher, Earl of Shaftebury, "From temper
only, a man may be completely miserable, let his outward
circumstances be ever so fortunate."
Having quoted an English philosopher on the
subject of temper, let's see what a German philosopher had
to say. The famed Friedrich Nietzsche wrote, "The growth
of wisdom may be gauged accurately by the decline of
ill temper." And the wise Chinese philosopher, Lao-tse,
listed gentleness as the first quality of greatness.
If we haven't the wisdom and the will power
to get rid of our bad tempers and all the woes which
accompany them, perhaps we will grow more agreeable
as we grow older. "Not so!," says the American author,
Washington Irving, "A tart temper never mellows with
age; and a sharp tongue is the only edged tool that grows
keener with constant use."
Mellowing with age may apply to wine, but
if we expect it to apply to people— especially people who
persist in indulging their bad tempers— we are in for a rude
awakening. Aging does not reverse our personality charac-
teristics—it intensifies and hardens them. This is especially
true of bad tempers and irritable dispositions.
This is due to the psychological fact that the
display of bad temper is an emotional habit and must be
treated and cured as a habit. As Dr. Karl A. Menninger,
one of America's foremost psychiatrists, points out in his
excellent book, "The Human Mind", the display of bad
temper is an infantile reaction carried over into adolescence
267
and adult life. Originally venting temper was used as a
means of obtaining an objective; later the bad temper was
retained, not so much to attain minor objectives, which
could not likely be obtained by this method, but because
bad temper had become an emotional habit or pattern.
Dr. Menninger adds that the bad temper habit,
with increased irascibility and irritability, may be activated
by the drinkng of alcoholic beverages. So if you have a
bad temper and a tendency to become irascible and irrit-
able, don't think that a few drinks will make you a genial
companion.
But bad temper is just one side of the coin.
The other side is good temper— and there is just as much
good in good temper as there is bad in bad temper. So let
us go to the wise men and again ponder their thoughts. '
We'll find a lot of encouragement in the words
of the distinguished English author, Sir Arthur Helps,
"More than half the difficulties of the world would be
allayed or removed by the exhibition of good temper/'
If Sir Arthur had lived a century later and had witnessed
the virulent, ill tempered denunciations which are routine
at the United Nations, he would have insisted that his
words be emblazoned in the assembly room.
Are you sick? Afflicted? Deformed? Or do
you know anyone who is? Then listen to Joseph Addison,
the English essayist, "A cheerful temper will lighten sick-
ness and affliction, and render deformity itself agreeable/'
Ladies, as you grow older, how much face
cream do you use? Frankly, I think wrinkles are greatly
to be admired— especially if they are the lines of fine
268
character and personality. But, having been unble to con-
vince any woman or any cosmetic manufacturer, I shall
offer an alternate solution. It comes from Tatler and says,
"Good humor and complacency of temper outlive all
charms of a fine face and make the decays of it invisible/'
So there you have the ultimate in wrinkle-vanishing-creme!
And now . . . one final and happy thought . . .
from author Washington Irving, "Good temper, like a
sunny day, sheds brightness over everything!"
Let there be bright!
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Chapter 64
When Everything Else Fails . . .
Here is a sure-cure for just about everything
that ails you: failure, worry, discouragement, all psycho-
somatic illnesses, poverty— you name it— and this remedy
will cure it!
What's more, it will cure your troubles even
when everything else fails— especially when everything else
fails! And this sure-cure always is ready for your instant
use. It has helped so many millions of users, you at least
ought to try it yourself . . .
When everything else fails . . . TRY HARD
WORK!
Let's look at some examples. Let's start with
failure. Not just any failure, but the man who failed more
than anyone else in the world.
His name was Thomas Edison. He failed more
than anyone else, because he tried more than anyone else,
so naturally, he knew more things that wouldn't work.
With that kind of information, he could (by working 18
270
hours a day) eventually find what would work, so he
succeeded more than anyone else. In fact, he succeeded
so well that he patented 1,093 inventions.
He said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99%
perspiration— and he provided the perspiration by working
18 hours a day. He worked ten years to invent the nickel-
iron-alkaline storage battery. He and his staff tested and
classified 17,000 varieties of plants before they succeeded
in extracting latex in substantial quantities from just one
of them.
Would you be willing to work 18 hours a day
and fail 17,000 times before you succeeded once? Maybe
you aren't failing often enough— or working hard enough!
Are you providing the necessary 99% perspira-
tion? There is no record of anyone being drowned in
sweat.
But you can drown your worries in sweat! As
a matter of fact, hard work is a sure cure for worry. It
cures worry in three ways:
(1) If you work hard enough and concen-
trate exclusively on the job at hand, you will have neither
time nor thought for worry.
(2) If you work hard enough, you 11 go to
bed and go to sleep, too tired to stay awake and worry.
(3) If you work hard enough and intelligently
enough, you 11 solve your problems so you won t have
anything to worry about.
Are you discouraged? When everything else
fails . . . TRY HARD WORK! Idle bodies and idle minds
271
create a vacuum which discouragement is all too ready
to fill.
There was a man who sat around doing nothing
except worrying about his problems. The more he worried
about them, the more discouraged he became, until finally
he decided to commit suicide.
He didn't want his family and friends to know
that he was a quitter and had "chickened out" on the
problems of life, so he decided he would cause a natural
heart attack by running around the block until he dropped
dead.
So he started running . . . and he ran . . . and
ran. The longer he ran, the more tired he got. In fact,
he became so completely exhausted that he couldn't feel
anything but sheer exhaustion. All he could think about
was going to bed— which he did. He spent twelve hours
in dreamless, perfectly relaxed sleep. And he awoke re-
freshed, feeling great, rarin' to take on any problem which
dared challenge him!
But suppose you're ill. You hurt here and you
hurt there, or you have this symptom or that. You really do.
There's nothing imaginary about it. Even if your doctor
cant find any physical cause. That simply means your
illness is psychosomatic (mentally-emotionally caused, in-
stead of physical). More than 50% of all ailments are.
Some doctors say 90%. Anyway, you are just as ill from
psychosomatic causes— only the treatment is different.
Your doctor can cure you, except in the few cases which
need a specialist. Usually you can cure yourself. With your
doctor's permission, of course, TRY HARD WORK!
272
This cure-all for just about whatever ails you,
also is highly effective in curing poverty. Its curative pow-
ers are recorded in many impressive testimonials. Let's
consider a few cases of poor people:
For example, poor Andrew Carnegie. What?
Andrew Carnegie, poor? Why he was the greatest steel
tycoon! He made so many millions he couldn't give his
money away fast enough, even though he endowed free
public libraries in cities all over this nation. Well, Andrew
Carnegie was so poor he had to start work at $4.00 a month!
Note the preceding words: "start work", for
hard work was Carnegie's cure for his poverty— honest,
concentrated, hard work. He said so himself: "Concen-
tration is my motto— first honesty, then industry {hard
work), then concentration". So as we seek to eliminate
poverty, let us not overlook the advice of the man who
started work at $4.00 a month and by honest, concentrated
hard work became one of the richest of all.
John D. Rockefeller, who later became one of
the richest men in the world, started working for $6.00 a
week. And Henry Ford started working for $2.50 a week.
Their fortunes were the result of hard work— as almost all
great fortunes are.
I have devoted a lifetime to the study of suc-
cess; not just financial success, but how people, under all
sorts of conditions, were able to attain their goals in life.
I have three personal libraries of books on the subject.
So I can save your having to do a lot of research on success
by assuring you that the only sure way to succeed is by
hard work.
273
I write this with the full knowledge that the
trend today is to try to get more and more money for less
and less work. Certainly, I am for modernization, mechani-
zation, automation and computerization. But these should
produce more and better products and services at lower
prices so that they may benefit more, and eventually all,
people. To do this will require more work— not less work-
by this generation and many generations to come.
When more than half of the people in the
world do not have even enough to eat, when most of the
people of the world do not have any of the conveniences
which a small percentage of us in the "affluent society"
take for granted— we have a big job to do, and it is going
to take hard work to do it, even with the use of our com-
puterized automation.
And we had better start now, not just for the
good of humanity, but for our own good! Some day— soon
—this drive to be paid more and more for working less and
less is going to run head on into the Law of Diminishing
Returns. When we price ourselves out of the world market,
we will have priced our labor out of jobs and our industry
out of business. Already foreign industry is producing
many better products at much lower prices. Already our
larger industries are building many more plants in foreign
countries to utilize much lower priced foreign labor. And
if some people think they have discovered a substitute for
work, I want to leave them with this interesting thought . . .
The LEADERS and those who will be the
future leaders in this country ARE WORKING TWELVE
TO SIXTEEN HOURS A DAY!
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Chapter 65
If You Would Control Others . . .
This chapter contains a magic word which, if
you use it constantly, will enable you to exert substantial
control over others. Some of the principal advantages of
this magic word are that its use by you will greatly elimi-
nate in others the debilitating effects of personal discour-
agement, disappointment, anxiety, depression and under-
achievement.
Also, it will eliminate those same unhappy,
enervating feelings in yourself.
The magic word which will make it possible
for you to perform such miracles is . . . HOPE!
You control people, through improving their
total attitudes, when you give them hope. You lose your
control over people— and lose your ability to help them—
when you take away their hope.
What a powerful force HOPE is! Yet most
people do not realize it and few people, indeed, make the
most effective use of hope.
275
The negative side— the lack of hope— is under-
mining so many efforts which could be constructive that
perhaps we should first consider some examples of what
disastrous effects result from the lack or loss of hope.
From the individual's standpoint, probably the
most devastating result of the loss of sustaining hope is
alcoholism or drug addiction. When an individual feels
certain that all hope for the future is gone, he or she tries
to eliminate such an intolerable, hopeless future by fleeing
reality— which emphasizes how vital it is that there always
must be held out hope of something desirable in life. Just
so there is HOPE, the expectation of a more desirable
future.
Hope is so necessary that people will cling to
the most improbable shred of it, rationalize it, even
imagine it.
Hope is equally necessary in the control of
groups, as it is in the control of individuals.
Let's consider the manipulation of hope in
controlling the thinking, emotions and actions of the vari-
ously assorted groups of the under-privileged, under-
educated, under-employed.
These groups' lack of hope of bettering their
condition enables ambitious persons who would command
positions of leadership among them to dramatize the
groups' lack of hope. This is done individually, then in
small meetings where emotions are stirred by emphasizing
the unfairness of their past and present hopeless state, and
finally in huge mass meetings where emotions are inflamed
276
and hatreds directed toward the real or suspected cause
of their hopelessness.
Demonstrations are organized to "call atten-
tion" to past and present injustices and inequalities, to
warn of the groups' new awareness and resentment of
discrimination, and to express increasing hostility toward
the sources of their past and present hopeless conditions.
Finally, HOPE, emphasized by the emotionally-
inflamed assurances of their leaders, becomes the motiva-
tion to action ... to demands backed by threats and
enforced by every hostile means from non-violent civil
disturbance, disruption and disobedience ... to riots,
arson, vandalism, looting, killing . . . even to open rebellion
—depending upon the character of the group and its leaders.
Such is the power of HOPE to provide the
means of manipulating people— first, by dramatizing their
lack of hope, then gradually offering increasing hope, and
finally obtaining full control and motivation, even to the
most extreme action, by assuring the fulfillment of hope.
This is not to imply that the offering of hope
to the hopeless is bad— although some of the organized
disruptions and violent, anti-social methods are. Indeed,
having shown that the motivational power of hope unfor-
tunately can lead to ruthless extremes, I want to empha-
size that HOPE IS ONE OF THE GREATEST BENE-
FACTORS OF MANKIND.
Without HOPE ... of some kind . . . for some-
thing . . . somewhere . . . sometime — I doubt that the hu-
man race could even continue to exist! Certainly, it would
not progress.
277
There is no way to describe the scope and
extent of hope, for hope is an essential ingredient of
everything from a desired increase in pay ... to the
spiritual longing for eternal fellowship with God. Hope
is IN everything. There are those who say that hope IS
everything!
He who gives HOPE gives relief from discour-
agement, anxiety and depression. That, alone, is reason
enough to give HOPE. But, he who gives HOPE, also
gives motivation to strive for the results hoped for. Hope
breaks the bonds of inertia and starts people toward
achievement.
So, by all means, give HOPE to everyone who
needs it! Give HOPE to all who need hope, giving it not
as a means of exploiting them or organizing them for your
selfish gains— but give HOPE to alleviate discouragement,
anxiety and despair. Give HOPE to stimulate inspiration,
to activate motivation and to spur achievement!
Having considered the effects of HOPE on
individuals and groups, let's explore the tremendous en-
couragement of HOPE in the advancement of nations—
and the dangers of lack of HOPE in international relations.
A nation is like a person. A nation is like a
group. In fact, a nation simply is a composition of individ-
uals and groups— and it reacts in much the same manner to
hope or the lack of it. If we would make another nation
our friend, we must offer that nation hope of achieving
its national objectives through its friendship with us. And
we must do it convincingly. Unfortunately, our nation,
which has developed the art of selling (of convincing) to
278
an exceptional degree, has been exceedingly unsuccessful
in convincing other nations of its sincerity in providing
them the hope— and, often to a substantial extent, the
means— of attaining their national ambitions through their
friendship with us. We need— desperately need— to do much
better. Not by squandering our resources, but by estab-
lishing our credibility. Our nation needs to prove, not only
its sincerity, but its ability to help fulfill the HOPE, the
aspirations, of friendly nations.
And finally, what happens to a nation which
loses HOPE? The same thing which happens to individ-
uals and groups. Frustration! And frustration is a principal
cause of aggression (see Chapter 12: "Frustration Causes
Aggression"). If we are going to have less aggression— by
nations, groups or individuals— then we are going to have
to replace frustration with HOPE!
You can start ... in your own life . . . and in
your own way ... by using the magic of HOPE . . . now!
279
Chapter 66
Make Progress ... Or Stand Aside
This amazing life which each of us is privileged
to live— is a life of many choices. Some of those choices
determine the future course of our lives.
One of those future-determining choices is:
"MAKE PROGRESS ... or stand aside!"
It wisely has been said through the centuries,
"The world makes way for those who make progress/'
So you have your choice of making progress or standing
aside for those who do. Actually if you do not go forward,
you not only must get out of the way of those who do,
but you will fall behind farther and farther— into oblivion!
One only need look at the process of evolution
to see that this need to make continuous progress is a
requirement of survival. All living things— plant and ani-
mal—must first adjust to their environment, then improve
(make progress) at a rate equal to, or preferably, better
than, competing species. Otherwise they would be crowded
280
out or, in some competitive manner, be exterminated by
more progressive species. Nature demands progress.
Now let's change our. focus from the eons of
development to examine only the most recent fragment of
time in man's process of evolution. There are several meth-
ods of doing this.
One method is to read what the best thinkers
throughout history have written concerning their observa-
tions of progress— or the lack of it—as applied to their
fellow men. In doing this, I have found agreement with
the fact that the requirement to progress is a law of nature.
Here are a few observations of the world's best thinkers:
"The true law is progress and development.
Whenever civilization pauses in the march of conquest, it
is overthrown", wrote William Gilmore Simms, the Amer-
ican author.
"Progress is the law of life", wrote Robert
Browning.
"Nature knows no pause in progress and de-
velopment, and attaches her curse on all inaction", wrote
Goethe.
There you have the thoughts on progress as
observed by three great,, and very different, types of think-
ers. You will find that the world's best thinkers agree with
the idea that Goethe expressed best, "Nature knows no
pause in progress and development." Here you have the
often-restated concept that progress is a natural law. Then
to continue Goethe's statement "(Nature) attaches her
curse on all inaction." Or to restate it in the words of
this chapter's heading, "Make progress . . . or stand aside."
Only you cannot just stand aside for long, because the
penalty for inaction is oblivion— "nature's curse," as Goethe
put it.
So we learn from nature's own law of evolution
that we must either make progress or make way for those
who do.
And we find that this also has been the obser-
vation of the great thinkers throughout history.
Now let's make it personal. What has been your
own appraisal of the people you know who have been
successful? Haven't these successful people always stood
for progress? Haven't they always had a "progressive
image"? Certain words always have been associated with
success. "Progress" is one of them. So if you want to
attract attention, get promoted, get elected, get ahead . . .
then get a reputation for making progress!
How do you start making progress? There's a
saying in the Navy that a Captain who waited until his
ship was perfectly ready to go f:o sea, would never leave
the dock. Progress is not perfection. Progress is moving
forward. You don't have to be perfect. You do have to
progress!
The path of progress consists of stepstones
built of ideas, one after the other, leading always forward
toward a distant horizon beyond which we cannot see—
except the bright glow of a destiny worthy of our trip.
But suppose one of your stepstones is insecure
—and you fall! You won't be the first to have fallen on
the path of progress. Only the failures didn't get up. And
the successes always fell forward ... so when they got
282
up they found that they had advanced by falling! That's
one of the techniques of progress: FALL FORWARD!
There are so many techniques for making
progress that it would require an entire book just to list
them. The rewards are so great that you should spare
neither time nor effort in making yourself a symbol of
progress wherever you go.
The choice is yours now . . . either make
progress— or make way for those who do.
The world will not remember, nor highly pay,
those who stand aside.
283
Chapter 67
Stay In The Eye Of The Hurricane
A hurricane is a system of terrific winds rotat-
ing in a huge circle many miles in diameter. The force of
the winds sometimes exceeds 100 miles an hour and results
in great damage and destruction. With its accompanying
deluge of rain, its flashing lightning and roaring thunder,
a hurricane is a terrifying experience.
Except . . .
If you could stay in the center of the circle of
whirling winds, in the "eye" of the hurricane, you would
be in an area of great calm! And that is the point of this
brief chapter. From time to time, you will experience the
personal storms which are a natural— and, apparently, a
necessary— part of each life. Sometimes these personal
storms will be of hurricane velocity. They could destroy
you physically, mentally, emotionally.
Unless . . .
Unless you can find the calm center of each
personal storm— the "eye" of your own hurricane— and stay
284
there, secure in the knowledge that there always is— and
always will be— a place of peace in each personal disaster,
if you will but seek it in the trust that, in every misfortune,
nature provides a haven equal to your faith.
So in each personal hurricane in your life, do
not panic. Stand firm in the center. Do not flee to the
edges, because that's where the terrible winds are . . .
and the thunder, the lightning, the deluge . . . and destruc-
tion.
There is danger and pain on the raw edge of
trouble. Seek the center. For only in the center is there
perfect stability, just as the exact center of a whirling
wheel does not move.
It takes courage and faith to go to the center
of a hurricane— or a personal problem.
But then it is only through courage and faith
that we find calm and peace in a troubled world.
285
Chapter 68
How Important Is It To You?
There is an old fable concerning a dog that
bragged about his speed as a runner. One day the dog
chased a rabbit but failed to catch it. Other dogs made
fun of him but he explained, "Remember the rabbit was
running for his life, while I was running only for the fun
of chasing him".
In that fable you will find one of the most valu-
able lessons for success in life. It simply is this:
A key factor in success is how hard you really
try. And how hard you try depends upon how important
it is to you!
In Chapter 55, titled: "How To Be A Billion-
naire", I gave you billionaire J. Paul Getty's advice on
how to do it: "TRY HARDER!"
Well, how does one develop the personal drive
to try harder?
You'll find the key in one word: DESIRE.
286
And desire depends upon how important it is
to you!
In the fable just told, we learned that the
dog did not catch the fleeing rabbit because the dog was
merely chasing the rabbit for fun. Catching the rabbit was
not important to the dog. But whether or not he got caught,
was important to the rabbit! It was a matter of life or death!
You could foretell the result. The rabbit tried
harder! It was more important to him\
And you can sum it up in one word: DESIRE!
Every achievement begins with desire. Have you thought-
fully considered the power of desire? Do you know that
desire will get you just about anything you want in life?
William James, probably the greatest thinker
of modern times, wrote: "If you only care enough for the
result, you will almost certainly attain it. If you wish to be
rich, you will be rich; if you wish to be learned, you will
be learned; if you wish to be good, you will be good. Only
you must really wish these things/'
There's the secret of getting what you want!
You must "care enough" . . . you must "really wish"! You
must have desire! And it must be a white-hot desire that
burns itself into your subconscious, that sears its brand on
your every thought and action, that becomes an over-
whelming obession!
It has to be THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU!
287
Chapter 69
When There Were No Letters To
Santa Claus
It was the month before Christmas . . . the
week before Christmas . . . even the day before Christmas
—and tiny fingers of tiny tots clumsily grasped their over-
sized pencils and scribbled, marked or crudely drew, "Dear
Santa, please bring me ... w
So many letters! Asking for so many things!
Some were just a series of marks, but their little writers
knew what they meant— and they knew Santa could read
them, too. Some were more legible, painstakingly and
largely drawn, even if the lines of letters were a bit dia-
gonal.
Most of the letters said, "Please," somewhere.
Some merely said, "I want . . . ", and some were down-
right demanding: "Bring me this . . . and bring me that."
You could almost read the personalities of the parents in
the manner of asking they had taught their children, just
288
as you can read the character of the parents in the actions
of their children (a statement which the parents of some
children would like to disclaim and probably will).
But about those letters to Santa Claus: all of
them, in whatever manner, asked for things. And that's
good! In fact, the writing of letters to the jolly old man
with white beard and red suit is part of the fun of Christ-
mastime, not only for little children, but for their parents,
too, who must have been made a little nobler to have
touched such trusting faith.
So what's wrong?
What's wrong— what's so very wrong— is that
after the gifts had been received, there were NO letters to
Santa Claus, saying, "Dear Santa, THANK YOU ..."
Before Christmas, perhaps a million letters,
saying, "I want" . . . "bring me"— but after the gifts were
received, no letters (or just a few) saying, "THANK ¥011"!
We cannot blame the little children. They can
only learn what they are taught.
But we can pause to consider what kind of
world we adults have built— where most of the emphasis
is on "I want" and almost none on appreciation and grati-
tude. And what kind of world are we building for the
future? For it is trite but true, that as the twig is bent, so
is the tree.
Which reminds me ... I recently asked a very
busy and important business executive to do me a per-
sonal favor. It meant nothing to him but time-consuming
inconvenience, but it was urgent and important to me—
and I emphasized the urgency to such an extent that I re-
ceived, the very next morning, the documents I requested.
I used them at once, then turned my interest to other
matters.
It wasn't until four days later that I realized
with shocked embarrassment that I had been so preoc-
cupied with using what he had sent me, that I hadn't even
thought to thank my benefactor!
As the twig is bent . . .
I wish I had been taught to write "THANK
YOU" letters to Santa Claus!
Were YOU?
290
Chapter 70
Are You Chicken Or Eagle?
A little boy who lived in the mountains found
an eagle's nest in a tree high on a rocky crag. In the nest
was an eagle's egg. The boy took the egg home and placed
it in a hen's nest under a setting hen. After being placed
under a succession of setting hens, the eagle's egg finally
hatched, along with the chicken eggs.
The baby eaglet played with the baby chicks
and of course thought he was just like them— a chicken.
Since the eaglet believed he was a chicken he,
of course, lived and acted like a chicken. He did not try
to fly, but remained with the chickens in the fenced-in
chicken yard. Yet, as the eagle grew bigger and stronger,
there came a realization inside him that made him feel that
he was more than a chicken— he felt the urge to fly. After
a few tries, the eagle began to believe he really could fly.
And because he believed he could— he couldl
So he stretched his mighty wings and began
to fly . . . higher . . . higher . . . higher . . . until he reached
291
his new home on top of a lofty mountain. Because he
believed in a greater destiny, he knew he was not a chicken,
confined to a dirty chicken yard. Because he believed— his
belief released his real powers. He now lived on the highest
pinnacle and soared through the bright, blue sky as the
proud symbol of courage and freedom— the American
Eagle!
The most powerful forces of nature are the
invisible ones: heat, sound, wind, electricity, gravity— just
as the most powerful forces of man also are invisible: love,
thought, desire, belief.
In the foregoing story, as long as the eagle
believed he was a chicken, he lived and acted like a
chicken. Insofar as the eagle was concerned, he was what
he believed— a chicken. But just as soon as the eagle began
to believe he had powers and capabilities greater than a
chicken, his powers and capabilities increased to equal his
belief!
And so you can increase you own powers and
capabilities to the exact extent that you increase your
belief in them. Psychologists tell us that: "Whatever the
mind can conceive and believe, man can achieve. "The
Bible said it much earlier: "ALL things are possible for
him that believeth."
Not only can you achieve in direct proportion
to your beliefs, you actually become what you believe!
The Bible says: "As a man thinketh in his heart
{deeply believes), so is he."
Buddha taught: "ALL that we are is the result
of what we have thought (deeply believed)."
292
Throughout the teachings of all great religions,
all great thinkers, all great philosophers, and now, modern
psychologists, are these two monumental facts: (1) You
can achieve whatever you believe you can, and (2) you
are the result of your beliefs.
ALL the great thinkers throughout history, up
to and including modern times, cannot all be wrong!
William James, famed philosopher and psy-
chologist of Harvard, taught: "Belief creates the actual
fact."
Emerson, one of the wisest men this nation
has ever produced, wrote: "No accomplishment, no assis-
tance, no training, can compensate for lack of belief! 9
As famed author Bruce Barton said: "Nothing
splendid has even been achieved except by those who
dared believe that something inside them was superior to
circumstance."
What do YOU dare BELIEVE?
Are you CHICKEN or EAGLE?
Chapter 71
Who Changes The Water?
Some people say that humanity is like a colony
of ants on a burning log floating down a broad river. Even
as the log approaches a cataclysmic waterfall, the ants
argue among themselves about who is the pilot.
Other people say that life is like a candle. It
is lighted at birth and henceforth sheds its dim light upon
its limited surroundings, flickering uncertainly in every
breeze, knowing that any sudden gust of wind will ex-
tinguish it, and, finally, futilely sputtering out as the tallow
is consumed.
Of course, just saying life is like a candle does
not make it so. And there still would remain two relevant
questions. Who lit the candle? And, why?
There are other considerations.
It wisely has been said that an undevout
astronomer is an idiot.
To be an atheist, one would have to conceive
294
effects with no cause, motion without a mover, a circle
without a center, time without eternity.
To be an atheist, one would have to conceive
a second without a first, action without energy, thought
without a thinker, a thing formed from nothing by nothing.
To be an atheist, one would have to believe
that what is made, exists, but that which made it does not
exist. Try applying that proposition to the infinity of the
universe!
Such beliefs are so against natural reason as
to be untenable to any sane mind.
But they were the subject of a serious discus-
sion between two goldfish as they swam in their crystal-
clear bowl. Finally, one goldfish in exasperation concluded
the argument with this pertinent question, "So . . . if there
isn't a God, who changes the water?"
295
Chapter 72
The Pumpkin Shaped Like A Jug
A farmer exhibited at a county fair a pumpkin
in the exact shape of a two-gallon jug.
This unusually-shaped pumpkin caused quite
a lot of comment and, of course, the farmer was asked how
he accomplished it. "When the pumpkin was no bigger
than my thumb," he explained, "I stuck it in a glass jug
and just let it grow. When it filled the jug, it quit growing."
What the walls of the jug did to the pumpkin,
our plans do to us. Our plans shape— and limit— our lives,
just as the jug limited the pumpkin. We can never be bigger
than our plans.
As one of the master strategists of life admon-
ished, "Make no little plans!"
Place no limit, no restriction, on your goals in
life. MAKE no little plans! And do not let others, for what-
ever purpose, limit your goals. ACCEPT no little plans! For
your plans will shape— and limit— your life just as surely as
296
the size and shape of the jug shaped and limited the size
of the pumpkin.
It is better to be a man of small abilities with
a big plan, than to be a man of great abilities with a small
plan.
If you would be a leader, know this: People
will not follow a leader who cannot tell them where he is
going and who cannot show them a feasible plan for getting
there.
Without a step-by-step plan, you cannot judge
progress. If you cannot show progress, you cannot prove
achievement. If you cannot prove achievement, you can-
not inspire enthusiasm. And if you cannot inspire enthus-
iasm—who needs you?
If you would be a leader, you must point to a
worthy goal— to a Promised Land. And so we recall that
great old story of Moses, leading his people for forty years
through the wilderness to the Promised Land. His people
followed him for forty years, because beyond the wilder-
ness, Moses had a goal and always he pointed toward it.
He taught the lesson which is eternally true for every great
leader— he must point to a Promised Land!
Yes, you must have a worthy goal. And to
reach that goal you must have a plan. But, like the pumpkin
at the beginning of this chapter, the size of your plan will
determine the size of your future.
How big a pumpkin will you be?
297
Chapter 73
Pressure Creates Resistance
As the real pros in influencing people know:
PRESSURE CREATES RESISTANCE.
It seems incredible that the novices haven't
learned. Yet they persist in bringing pressure on the people
whose good will they must have in order to succeed. And
pressure inevitably creates resistance— in physics, in psy-
chology, in politics, in salesmanship, in civil rights mili-
tancy, in war, in every relationship involving people.
Certainly, if you possess overwhelming power,
you can impose your will. But you may live to regret it.
(Many people have not lived that long!)
The surest way to increase resistance is to apply
pressure. And the more obvious the pressure, the more
open and hostile the resistance.
Consider the civil rights militants. The gains
supposedly won by pressure— by riots, disruption, violent
demonstrations— were illusionary. They filled a frustrated
need for recognition. They gratified the egos of some am-
298
bitious leaders and gave means of venting the justified
resentment of their followers. But from the practical stand-
point of permanently achieving the ultimate objective of
an unquestionably just cause, they did their cause much
more harm than good. They created more resistance—
which, although invisible, will exist for years— than they
achieved progress, even through the illusion of intimidation
and capitulation may (or may not) have seemed to result
from the pressure.
To put it very simply, one cannot throw a rock
through a window in a quiet, peaceful neighborhood and
then ring the doorbell and say, "I just wanted you to know
what a good neighbor I would be."
Yet activities all too similar, and on ominously
massive scales, have been used to "call attention" as some
civil rights leaders put it. But to "call attention" in a way
that arouses resentment, creates resistance, and worse, is
hardly the way to win welcome and subsequent friendship.
If people would only realize that PRESSURE
CREATES RESISTANCE, how much more pleasantly,
justly and successfully, differences could be resolved.
Even between nations.
We never seem to learn from history— especially
our own history! Way back about seventy years ago, we
got involved in a "little war" half way around the world,
in the Philippines. From our great superiority of power,
we felt all we had to do was apply "pressure". But the
more pressure we applied, the more resistance we encoun-
tered. So we sent 20,000 U. S. troops. They were matched
by equal resistance.
Our General Elwell S. Otis announced that to
win the war we really needed 30,000 troops. But the more
pressure, the more resistance. The more Filipinos we killed,
the more took their places.
President McKinley denounced the critics and
sent 40,000 troops. Then 50,000. Then 60,000. Finally the
"pressure" required to meet the "resistance" of what started
out to be a few ragged Filipinos in a then-undeveloped
country rose to a call for 100,000 U. S. troops.
Any similarity between this "little Asian war"
and Vietnam ... is purely a matter of history.
We learn some of our hardest lessons from
history— only we seem to have to keep learning them over
and over again.
Now, to simpler, everyday lessons on our sub-
ject that PRESSURE CREATES RESISTANCE. Every
salesman knows— or should know— that. And every buyer
will confirm it. Everyone who has sought to train a child,
or to influence a husband or wife knows it— or soon finds it
out!
It is so fundamental a principle of psychology
that it should need no repeating here. But having read
today's newspaper, the lessons of the news impel me to
re-emphasize . . .
PRESSURE CREATES RESISTANCE!!!
300
Chapter 74
The Happiness (?) Of Doing Without
There is a philosophy which teaches that we
can eliminate our needs by eliminating their causes. So
we can. For example, we can eliminate our need for shoes
by cutting off our feet.
But I do not want to make light of this phi-
losophy by citing extreme examples. Indeed, there is con-
siderable merit to it— not in the extreme of cutting off our
feet— but in our moderation of desire, in our restraint of
acquisition.
When I was a very young man, I read a little
book entitled, "The Tyranny Of Things." It taught a com-
mon-sense lesson which I failed to heed, and I'm not sure
I should have heeded it anyway. But since it is an unavoid-
able problem for each of us, let's face up to it, this tyranny
of things.
Let's first examine, briefly, the case for sim-
plifying our lives by disdaining the abundance which is so
lavishly spread before us. We have merely to discipline
301
ourselves against desire; seek and be satisfied with the
bare necessities. For many this would be small accomplish-
ment. And we would have to define our terms. What are
"bare necessities" today? The possessions which were con-
sidered luxuries not too long ago, now are considered neces-
sities by millions.
However, many of the great religions and phi-
losophies of the world have taught the shunning of all
worldly goods. The lives of great thinkers have emphasized
their complete freedom from this "tyranny of things". Bare-
foot Socrates, Christ with only the clothes He wore, Ghandi
with only his loin cloth and dollar watch, Thoreau in his
self-built cabin at Walden— and the examples could be al-
most endless.
Certainly, I am not one who can argue with
such great thinkers, their religions and philosophies. Their
influence has stood the test of history. I can only suggest
that there may be other interpretations.
When Thoreau writes, "Money is not required
to buy one necessity of the soul," I cannot debate that. I
can only suggest that this philosophy of doing without puts
unnecessary limits on living. I do not say that deprivation
is wrong; I merely say that it is a discipline which is desir-
able in its most extreme forms only to a very few who seek
supreme sacrifice as a means to spiritual— and in some cases,
mental— power. Or, for those who are unwilling to provide
the effort necessary to obtain more than bare essentials, so
that their activities can be used elsewhere.
But for the rest of us, what's wrong with rightly
having a share of the vast abundance which nature (or
302
God, if you prefer) continues to make so profusely avail-
able to those whom nature (or God) has given both the
desire for, and the ability to obtain?
Otherwise, why are we given the desire? Why
are we given the ability? Why the abundance? If life,
through an incomprehensible and magnificent process,
spreads before us a table overflowing with abundance,
shall we turn aside and let the gifts of nature rot? Is there
not a purpose in the providing? Otherwise why are things
for our use provided, if we are not to accept them?
Perhaps examples are better than general ques-
tions.
Is the little poor girl, looking wistfully at the
doll in the store window, somehow better by not having
the doll? Is her character strengthened by doing without—
or would it be better if she could own and cuddle the doll
in her tiny arms, expressing the child-mother love which
only little girls can give their dolls? Would she receive
more happiness by doing without? Or even more character?
Are the backward, starving millions of India
better in any way than the progressive, affluent Amer-
icans? Granting the many moral, spiritual and other de-
ficiencies of our affluent society, is it not better for us to
accept our blessings, to multiply them, and to share them
with the less fortunate? Or must we seek, instead, the
moral discipline of doing without?
Certainly there is more than one philosophy—
so why not a Philosophy of Abundance? Surely there is
more than one interpretation of a religion which some-
times seems to advocate the doing without all worldly
S03
things— when the God of that same religion provides an
abundance far surpassing the needs of all mankind so,
perhaps instead of doing without, we should seek the will
and the wisdom for the distribution of that abundance to
all needy peoples throughout the world.
Why not a Philosophy of Abundance? Why
not the full utilization of world resources: land, people,
education, finance, transportation— to the end that all man-
kind shall live in abundance, so that no man (or nation)
need covet that which is his neighbor's, and there shall be
neither need nor greed, thus establishing the foundation
for peace on earth and goodwill among men.
304
Chapter 75
The Ignorant Are The Most Violent
Several centuries ago, wise Alexander Pope
wrote a simple statement of fact which offers benefits in
many phases of modern conduct.
Pope wrote, "There never was any party, fac-
tion or sect, in which the most ignorant were not the most
violent/'
It should be a deterrent to violence— or to the
advocacy of violence— just for it to be widely known that
violence would publicly and privately brand an individual
or group as being the "most ignorant" of their fellow men.
It will better prepare us to deal with violence,
by knowing that it will come from the most ignorant.
And it should motivate us, not only to speed,
but to spread, education to all levels of our society, know-
ing that by increasing education we proportionately di-
minsh one of the major causes of violence.
But let us note carefully the part education
plays in violence. Often educated leaders use their own
305
knowledge to arouse the violence of more ignorant fol-
lowers. A leader, who will choose the road of violence also
will choose the most ignorant to carry out his purpose.
In all of the major revolutions and rebellions
throughout history, the leadership came from the educated,
but the violent, mass manpower came from the most igno-
rant.
As education increases in quality and is spread
throughout all populations, there will be a marked decrease
in the use of violence in problem-solving. And, as you pro-
gress through life, you learn that problem-solving is "the
name of the game".
There are better ways of solving problems-
personal, group, national and international— than by intro-
ducing violence or even the threat of violence. Surely, by
now, we have sufficient evidence to prove that.
In a recent chapter (Chapter 73: "Pressure
Creates Resistance") it was pointed out that applying
various forms of pressure actually produced the opposite
of the result hoped for. Instead of causing acquiescence,
retreat or collapse, pressure actually creates resistance in
exact proportion to the degree of pressure applied.
Since violence is an extreme form of pressure,
violence and even the threat of violence creates resistance.
And being an extreme form of pressure, violence creates
extreme forms of resistance: hostility and counter- violence.
Also, violence and threats of violence have a built-in ten-
dency to escalate. Thus, violence breeds increasing vio-
lence.
How do we stop it?
306
Simply by going back to our original premise:
"The ignorant are the most violent/' We must eliminate
ignorance by education. And we must do it soon— because
the forms of violence, now available, already are capable
of exterminating us.
And the first thing we must teach is that the
use or threat of violence is an admission of ignorance.
Will those who want to admit that they are
ignorant, please step forward . . .
307
Chapter 76
The Magic Word That Changes
Things
There is a magic little word.
It has the power to change things from bad to good.
Or, from good to bad.
It depends upon how you use this magic little
word.
You always are in full control of its use, so you
have the power to change bad to good, to change unhap-
piness into happiness, to change failure into success, to
work miracles in your life and in the lives of others— by
the use of this magic little word.
Here is unexpected power which you may not
have realized you had— or how to use it! So let's try!
The magic little word which has the power to
change things is . . . "BUT/'
So you don't believe that such an ordinary
little word as "BUT" contains the magic power to change
308
things? To work miracles of happiness and success?
Here's proof!
Suppose you have lost your job. You say, "Yes,
I have lost my job . . . BUT . . . this releases me to devote
my full time to finding a better job for which I am better
qualified. I might never have had the courage to quit and
thus would have spent my life in a rut . . . BUT . . . now I
am free to discover what I really want to do in life and get
a job which is satisfying as well as more rewarding/'
Note that the little word "BUT" makes the
transition from the negative to the positive, from bad to
good.
Suppose you have lost someone very near and
dear to you. You say, "Yes, it is a heartbreaking tragedy . . .
BUT ... I shall admit it is so and cannot be otherwise, I
shall accept what cannot be changed, I shall adapt my life
to what I have accepted as reality and I shall by positive
action lose myself in a cause which is so much bigger than
I am that it also is bigger than anything which has hap-
pened to me."
Note, again, that it is the little word "BUT'
which makes the transition from the negative to the posi-
tive, from tragedy to acceptance and then to self -submerg-
ing action.
Suppose the life goal for which you have stud-
ied, worked and sacrificed, suddenly is snatched from your
grasp and dashed to pieces on the hard rocks of fate. You
say, "Yes, that goal is lost . . . BUT ... it is a Law of Life
that when Fate closes one door, Faith opens another, so I
309
shall seek the open door and discover a greater goal— and
achieve it!
Again, the magic little word "BUT" has changed
the negative into the positive, the bad into good.
And example could follow example. It is time
now to state the formula so that it can be visualized and
memorized to become a conditioned reflex which auto-
matically will use the magic word "BUT" to make the
transition from the negative to the positive, and change
bad into good— in your life.
The formula (or call it a method or technique,
if you prefer) simply is this:
( 1 ) Whenever anything bad happens, immedi-
ately admit it (never play make-believe with trouble) and
verbalize it, either by describing it aloud or silently to your-
self. The purpose is to get it stated clearly so that you know
exactly what bad condition you want to change.
( 2 ) Then having mentally and verbally defined
the bad condition (the negative) which you want to
change, emphasize with total concentration the transform-
ing word . . . "BUT."
(3) Follow the transition word "BUT" with
the positive affirmation that you will transform the bad
condition into the best possible situation— and begin at
once to do so.
Now let's try it on another example: Suppose
you have lost a substantial amount of money in an ill-
conceived business venture.
(1) Admit and verbalize the bad condition
thus: "Yes, I have lost a lot of money . . .
310
(2) Then apply the transforming power of the
magic word "BUT" so that your statement now is: "Yes,
I have lost a lot of money . . . BUT ..."
(3) Finally, follow "BUT" with a positive
affirmation put into effect immediately by action: "the
knowledge and experience I have gained will enable me
to earn much more money than I lost, and I shall begin to
do so at once!"
So there you have the Magic Word "BUT"
Formula in action: "Yes, I have lost a lot of money (nega-
tive) . . . BUT . . . (transformation) . . . the knowledge
and experience I have gained will enable me to earn much
more money than I lost, and I shall begin to do so at once!"
(positive affirmation put into effect immediately by ac-
tion).
Whenever something bad happens, always ap-
ply the magic word "BUT" to transform bad to good.
It's a revolutionary idea— which may revolu-
tionize you,r life!
311
Chapter 77
Are You Overwhelmed?
One of the greatest disasters of life is to be
overwhelmed by it.
The depressing feeling that you are overbur-
dened beyond your capacity to cope with life's problems
and responsibilities is one of the most painful of all emo-
tions. Unlike many painful emotions which come as sudden
shocks and are soon over, the depression of being over-
whelmed is one that endures, and feeds on itself to grow
into an increasingly greater burden.
When life's burdens completely overwhelm
the victim, the result is insanity in one of its most tragic
forms. Or often suicide.
Why should this be, this permitting ourselves
to be overwhelmed? Life does not impose on anyone
burdens beyond his capacitity to bear. Whatever our
burdens, we are given the strength to bear them. But like
the frenzied swimmer in water he does not realize is shal-
312
low, we panic and drown— when . all we need •* to do is
stand up.
Just knowing it is in the nature of life that we
are equal to our tasks, often removes our panic and we
stand up, head above the swirling waters which,, moments
before, we thought would submerge us.
The depression of being overwhelmed by the
burdens of Me is self-imposed or imposed by others. It is
something we do to ourselves or. that we permit others
to do to us.
How do we prevent it?
First, know that— no matter how great your
burdens may be, you are giventhe strength to carry them.
You have an inner strength equal to the task.
Second, simplify. Do not permit yourself to
become entangled in too many of the complexities of a
universe which is far too complicated for any person to
understand, much less manage, even an infinitesimal part
of it. Be willing to accept a satisfying personal involvement
in it— and let the rest of it alone: Nobody appointed you
Manager of the World and. it may reassure you to know
how few people really are depending on you to solve the
world's problems.
You will, however, find many people who will
seek to unload their problems on you or, in many presump-
tious ways, add additional problems to those you already
have. So do as recommended in Chapter 19: push your
wheelbarrow upside down, or people will throw all kinds
of things into it. Be content to solve your own problems
313
and be very, very selective about additional burdens you
add to your own load.
Sufficient unto each day are the burdens there-
of. The problems of yesterday, added to the anticipated
problems of tomorrow, and all piled upon the burden you
are carrying today, will make the strongest falter. Live
one day at a time. Better still, live one hour, even one
minute, at a time. Certainly, cope with only one problem
at a time. Shut out of your life all the unpleasant yester-
days and all the frightening, uncertain tomorrows. Shut
out, temporarily, all of today— except just one problem—
and you will find the one problem, not overwhelming,
but stimulating.
Then you will get enjoyment from life for
what it really is: a problem-solving adventure!
Divide and conquer, as recommended in Chap-
ter 2. That's the way to handle a difficult problem. Divide
each problem into its smallest parts, then methodically
solve each part, one at a time. Start with the easiest part
first, so you will be sure to succeed in solving that. This
will start the momentum of achievement, the continuous
thrill of consecutive successes!
Throw away your problem-magnifying-glass!
Quit making mountains out of molehills— and start making
molehills out of mountains!
Then, instead of being overwhelmed by the
burdens of life— you will overwhelm them!
The difference is . . . happiness!
314
Chapter 78
The Birds Which Had No Wings
If you think you have a burden, just remember
the beautiful and inspiring story which Schiller, the
German author, loved to tell the children:
"Once upon a time, the birds had no wings.
They crawled about the earth. Then one day God threw
wings at their feet and commanded them to pick up the
wings and carry them on their backs. At first, it seemed
very hard. The little birds didn't want to carry those heavy,
unwieldy wings. But they loved the Lord and, in obedi-
ence, they picked up the wings and carried them on their
backs.
"And, lo, the wings fastened there! What
they once had thought was a hampering weight and a
burden, enabled them to fly!"
It is one of the great lessons of life, that the
burdens we carry by necessity or by choice— instead of
weighting us down, actually can lift us up!
SIS
There is no escaping the burdens of life be-
cause, indeed, they are a part of life, itself. Our joy in
living the brief span of time allotted us, is in our attitude
toward our burdens, in the very manner in which we
accept and carry them.
We might learn our lesson from those hardy
souls who, throughout history, have been forced in slavery
or servitude, to handle physical burdens almost beyond
endurance. We think of those muscled oarsmen who pulled
the oars of ancient ships when there was no wind to fill
the sails. And the Negro slaves who pulled the barges
along the Mississippi before Robert Fulton's steamboats
plied the waterways and spared their backs for bales of
cotton. And, we remember, because of their stirring
song, the Volga boatmen.
What did they do when their physical burdens
became almost unbearable?
They sang!
So, once again, we come to that omnipotent
word (which, no matter how hard your author tries to
avoid repetition, still keeps recurring) . . . ACCEPTANCE!
No matter what burdens life places upon you,
or you choose to carry for someone else— accept them . . .
and sing!
It is a psychological fact— which was known
to the ancients long before there were psychologists— that
if you accept your burdens with the attitude of progressing
forward, with a song on your lips, or at least in your heart,
then your burdens become, by some miracle of nature,
316
much lighter ... so much lighter that they may spiritually
lift you up!
And, like the heavy wings which were given
the little birds to carry on their backs, but which became
attached so birds could fly, your burdens may have been
given you for the very purpose of lifting you above the
humdrum— to spiritual heights!
Just one of Schiller's fairy tales?
Or one of the paradoxes of which a rewarding
life is built?
You'll never know until you try.
317
Chapter 79
Let It Rain
There is a great wisdom in a simple, little
statement by Longfellow in Tales of A Wayside Inn:
"For after all, the best thing one can do when
it is raining, is to let it rain."
And so we should— because we must.
Perhaps that is the greatest lesson of this book.
Although its 80 chapters were written to give
readers a wide variety of stimulating and rewarding
THOUGHTS TO BUILD ON, and each chapter was
planned to be entirely different from and unrelated to
all other chapters, yet as we near its end and review its
thoughts, there seems to be one predominantly recurring
lesson which applies to many of the life situations with
which this book deals.
It is the philosophy of ACCEPTING what
cannot be changed.
318
It is the psychology of acceptance of the inevit-
able. It is being willing to have it so, if it cannot be
otherwise.
There are so many circumstances and events
of life which we can neither understand nor change. We
are bewildered by the unevenhandedness of fate and be-
come suspicious that its dice are loaded as we daily roll
them in the game of life.
Yet the universe of which we are such a minus-
cule part is, itself, infinitely perfect precision and balance.
The knowledge that we are a part of such infinite perfection
should provide foundation for our faith.
And it is in that environment of eternal and
absolute perfection that we must realize our being— and
accept that which we cannot change, and often do not
understand.
Because, it is only through acceptance that
we can transcend the inevitable difficulties and tragedies
which otherwise would wreck us.
Let us be pragmatic, if we must, and submit
to acceptance of what cannot be changed, because that is
the only way to peace of mind and spirit in a troubled
world.
But if we can, let us do better than just be
pragmatic. Let us, through faith that exceeds under-
standing, place our acceptance on the altar of Infinity, not
as a sacrifice, but as a token of belief.
Having found the means, through acceptance,
of transcending difficulties and tragedies which inevitably
are a part of life, having assured ourselves of survival from
319
the shipwreck of sudden storms— let us now seek the abun-
dance of good things, good times and good deeds which
are the unlimited rewards for our having acquired the
inner resources to surmount adversity.
Let us remember the lesson of previous chap-
ters, that when Fate closes one door, Faith opens another
—so that we may move on to a greater goal and achieve
our highest destiny.
320
Chapter 80
Not By Bread Alone
So now we have come full circle. Your author
began this book by quoting from the Bible, "As a man
thinketh ... so w he."
Then from Buddha, "ALL that we are is the
result of what we have thought."
And from William James, "Belief (thought)
creates the actual fact. 9 '
This entire book could have been written nail-
ing proof upon evidence-that WE BECOME WHAT
WE THINK.
Just as the kind of food we eat builds our
bodies, so the thoughts we think build our characters—
what we really are or subsequently will become.
So what should we think about?
Surely we should think more and better
thoughts than are given in this book. This book is intended
to be only a tempting beginning in the field of thought—
a sort of thought-starter, nothing more.
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The thoughts— or beginnings of thoughts— con-
tained in this book are deliberately incomplete and, hope-
fully, provocative as you continue along each partial
thought-path.
This is a book of THOUGHTS TO BUILD
ON. It is not intended to do your thinking for you.
Each brief chapter has brought you a different
thought— or, at least, a different viewpoint on an idea
which is so interwoven in life that it insists on re-occurring.
Thus, each chapter has been totally unrelated to the pre-
ceding and following chapters. You can read this book
forward, backward, start in the middle or anywhere. You
are set free to ponder each thought briefly . . . or pass it
by ... or think about it as deeply and as long as you wish.
No effort has been made to win your agree-
ment. In fact, your disagreement would be welcomed as
evidence that this book has accomplished its purpose of
stimulating thought.
While this is a chair-side book, and its author
hopes you will keep it there when it is not otherwise in
use, it can be used to rewardingly fill those brief empty
spaces of time too often wasted idly, while you are com-
muting or waiting.
It will give you an unlimited variety of
THOUGHTS TO BUILD ON . . . and give you plenty
of room to do your own thinking. *
For . . . "As a man THINKETH-so IS he."
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