Exploring changing families in “The Daddy Shift”

I’m about two-thirds of the way through an amazing new book, so it would be unfair to call this an official Poop Review (how lovely that would look on a book cover, no? Poop Approved!) — but I did want to call attention to “The Daddy Shift” by San Francisco’s own Jeremy Adam Smith because it offers an insightful look at the changing face of families — and family values — in America. And because there are some very interesting book-related events coming up this week and next that I don’t want you to miss.

As a stay-at-home dad, I admit I was immediately intrigued by the full title: “How stay-at-home dads, breadwinning moms and shared parenting are transforming the American family.” I wanted to think dads were finally getting their due, after a too-long history of being seen as some inept sit-com sidekick who is perpetually wrangling with messy diapers or, worse, viewed as some form of babysitter, as opposed to one half of a parenting team. But I was surprised to read that this idea of fumbling dads was a modern-day invention, according to the book — that most of the 1900s seemingly wiped out generations — no, centuries — of deep fatherhood involvement in the family.

In agrarian societies, dads taught kids to hunt and work the fields at a very early age; in Colonial times, dads were in charge of teaching kids (as young as 3) to read and how to help run the family business; and even up to the Civil War, dads were seen as an important cog in the family wheel, teaching kids and giving moms support. It was only in the 20th Century, when dads put in endless hours at the office or the mill, that the role of fatherhood was seen strictly as provider, breadwinner and clothes buyer. The role of dad had shifted from an important part of the family network to a virtual ATM machine, around only to dispense cash. Dads worked; moms raised children. For generations, it would become a common misconception that this is the way “it’s always been,” and any part a dad played beyond occasional coach or living room newspaper peruser would only be for comedic value. Who can forget the images of Michael Keaton fumbling his way around a grocery store in 1984′s “Mr. Mom” — what a concept! Dads pitching in? How hilarious! Thankfully, Smith says things are starting to shift back, whether due to the economy leaving more dads at home or, more importantly, an evolving mindset among a new generation of fathers who see pitching in as an important part of family life.

In 1995, there were an estimated 64,000 stay-at-home dads — but by 2007, the number had risen to 159,000. This only accounts for dads who stay home and do no for-pay work at all. Smith found that the majority of care-giving fathers do some amount of freelance work at home or on the side somehow, making them ineligible for the Census count. All of this is to say that the number of dads charged primarily with caring for their children is much higher — more than 2 million compared to 5.9 million stay-at-home moms. But it’s more than dads staying home or offering a more helping hand around the house that is changing the face of the American family. More than 80 percent of moms have jobs — and one third earn more than their husbands. With young women in college far outnumbering young men in college, it seems likely this number will continue to rise, and what, exactly, will this do to the homefront? It’s an interesting question, and Smith’s book lays out a richly detailed — and almost thumb-burning — narrative on the way a new generation of parents are raising their children under this shifting economic and familial landscape.

I say thumb-burning because behind the numbers, the book offers some incredibly honest accounts of what it’s like for fathers to stay home — whether that means coming to grips with feelings of economic inadequacy or dealing with relatives who suddenly think of them as “less manly.” The book shines when Smith talks about his relationship with his quarry-working grandfather who thought his wife “worked for him,” and I admit I skipped ahead to some of the stories about other dads because when it came down to it, they were fun to read — motivational, even, for any new dad. I read most of the fatherhood books available before the birth of my daughter three years ago and though that’s not the intent of this one, I’d still put it at the top of the list for new dads. Sorry to gush, but it’s fascinating, well-written and insanely researched, and I can’t wait to get back to it.

Which brings me back to those events I mentioned. Smith is giving a talk at the book’s official release party this Saturday. It’s at 7 p.m. at Cover to Cover bookstore in Noe Valley, (1307 Castro St.). Then there’s a reading next Saturday, June 14, at 5 p.m. at Pegasus Books in Berkeley (2349 Shattuck Ave) — as part of an event for the award-winning ‘zine Rad Dad. Smith promises to have lots of time for small talk.

For more information on Smith, you can check out his blog, Daddy Dialectic, and for more information on the book, check out his book site. (I’m including the book video just because A. I can, and B. it gives a better idea of the book than I ever could.) I’ll be writing about a few more “dad books” this summer, so maybe we should get a Poop Approved! patch or something like it.

MIKE ADAMICK also writes at Cry It Out: Memoirs of a stay-at-home dad and Babble.com. His daughter will grow to hate this book, considering he has now put her to work like an old fashioned Colonial-era father.