Caregivers find welcome respite at Nancy's House

Tuesday

Debbie Para of Warminster has been caring for her 21-year-old daughter for the past four years, ever since a car accident triggered the girl’s first flare-up of multiple sclerosis.

It’s only recently, however, that Para has started taking care of herself as well.

A single parent who works from home as a bookkeeper for a building company, Para described herself as being in “battle mode” 24 hours a day, having leaned on doctor-prescribed anxiety medication to cope with the stress of being a primary caregiver.

A weekend retreat through the nonprofit Nancy’s House completely changed her way of thinking. She feels like she’s been given permission to see to her own needs, as well as her daughter’s

“I’ve realized the value in calming down,” Para said. “It didn’t put me at the top of the list, but it put me on the list.”

She’s off the anxiety pills, instead training for 5K runs with her future daughter-in-law, taking time to manage her health and well-being.

Montgomery County-based Nancy’s House has been running its pampering respites for the past two years.

For only $50 each, groups of about eight caregivers spend the weekend at a posh conference center, taking yoga, meditation and other stress-relieving classes. They can get a massage or take a bubble bath. They can network with other caregivers or schedule a one-on-one counseling session with a psychologist. And perhaps, most importantly, they can finally have two restful nights of uninterrupted sleep, according to Elissa Lewin, the nonprofit’s founder.

Research shows that caregivers are susceptible to depression, high blood pressure and other stress-related illnesses, she said.

“Every article says caregivers have to take care of themselves, but how?” Lewin said.

Lewin of Wyncote started Nancy’s House after spending five years as her father-in-law’s primary caregiver, cutting back on her career as a psychologist.

She remembers getting a massage during that time and talking with the therapist, Nancy, who had an autistic son.

“We said, ‘Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a place we could go to where they took care of us like we take care of them?’ “ Lewin said.

Lewin started researching, but found nothing like what she envisioned.

“Caregivers are not recognized,” she said. “We’re an invisible group.”

She started Nancy’s House as a way to change that perception. The nonprofit has run a handful of retreats, and Lewin hopes to be able to continue the retreats on a full-time schedule, with regular sessions every six months.

But the sessions are expensive to run, and the nonprofit needs grants and donations to function.

Each weekend-long retreat costs about $7,400. Caregivers’ $50 entrance fees cover only about $400 of that cost, but Lewin doesn’t want to raise the fees, since many caregivers are just as financially stressed, as they are emotionally and physically stressed.

For many of the guests, the hardest part is leaving their loved ones in someone else’s care and getting reacquainted with being alone.

Jennifer Toland, a Delaware County mother of four, takes care of her husband, who has Lou Gehrig’s disease, in addition to home-schooling her children.

“When I first saw the invitation, I thought, ‘Who goes away for three days?’ “ Toland said. “I was really shocked I was able to escape.”

She remembers feeling apprehensive beforehand, drawing up a massive list of instructions before leaving. She even packed a ton of paperwork with her, figuring she’d spend the weekend getting work done.

But she never took out any of the work. Instead, she spent the weekend relaxing, and bonding with other women caring for family members with the same disease as her husband.

“By the second day, all the shame of being alone dissipates,” Toland said. “You can feel your own skin again. ... It feels like something you should do every year just for your sanity.”

Theresa Hegel: 215-538-6381;

email: thegel@phillyburbs.com;

Twitter: @theresahegel

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