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Hitler v. Elmo v. Mero

There seems to be a lot of confusing on the boards regarding what comprises a "hipster" versus and "emo kid" versus a "metrosexual." I feel that it is a public service to clear things up. (Mostly because I've been called all three on here and I find myself to be none of the three). Therefore, without further ado

The Hipster:

Definition: A hipster is one who is excessively aware of current trends in fashion, music and pop-culture. A hipster is someone "deemed cool by the cool."

Description:
The modern hipster is, in fact, so cool that things which would seem cool to the average person are passe in the eyes of the hipster. Whereas a regular person would find a busy nightclub with lots of women and potentially celebrities "cool," the hipster knows better. The hipster prefers to hang out in dive bars where he can talk to other hipsters about tatoos, industrial piercings and indie music. The hipster loves indie music, it is the hipster's passion in life. But note the hippest of the hipsters can listen to pop music to be ironic (see below). The average hipster, however, is too cool to listen to anything mainstream because mainstream culture is, in fact, "played out."

The average hipster is a psuedo intellectual, and very proud of his intellectual prowess. The average hipster is too cool to be concerned with things that are not intellectually satisfying. Thus, you can find hipsters debating philosophy, politics, or history with a noticably liberal slant. (Being a conservative is antiquated and no longer hip.) In general the hipster has had some level of education, but found the traditional education experience stifling and therefore quit or found a subject such as creative writing or fine arts less stifling. The hipster usually does not have a complete grasp of the subjects he discusses. Therefore, a hipster conversation would render itself quite similar to a philosphical debate among drug users. Oftentimes the hipster's conversation will devolve into a discussion of piercings and tattoos. While not intellectually satisfying, those things are so hip that they are suitable conversation.

The hipster is obsessed with fashion. The hipsters spends almost his entire income on clothing. Note the $300 Nike Dunks exhibited by the hipster. While the hipster pretends not to care about materialistic things such as fashion, he goes to great ends to keep up his appearance. Wearing the height of 1980's fashion achieves all of the hipsters ends. On the one hand it allows the hipster to be ironic and shows that the hipster considers modern fashion "mainstream." On the other it allows the hipster to appear "cool" among other hipsters, potentially attracting a mate. If asked about the fashion obssession a hipster will generally answer in one of two ways: 1) the hipster will indicate that it is "ironic," or; 2) the hipster will indicate that the fashionable clothing has artistic merit.

The hipster holds art and music in highest esteem. The hipster appreciates the irony and deeper meaning in art, however, when pushed the hipster is oftentimes unable to describe this deeper meaning with any degree of accuracy. The hipster is also deeply interested in music. Many hipsters are in bands. This allows the hipster to express his sense of angst and irony. In general the hipster is not motivated to achieve success with his band. The hipster could not, of course, sell out.

Finally, the hipster is completely infatuated with the idea of being "ironic." Seeing the irony of pop culture provides some level of status among the hipster community. Seeing the irony of the hipster movement will quickly place the hipster at the height of hipsterism. The more irony the better in the eyes of the hipster.