Date: Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:15:26 +0000 (GMT)
From: Nexis Pas
Subject: A Silence in the Sky
A Silence in the Sky
Nexis Pas
Copyright 2009 by the author. Nexis Pas asserts the moral right to be
identified as the author of this work.
'It's so quiet here.'
'But there's the wind, and the waves hitting the shore. They're very loud
tonight. There must have been a storm out at sea. Otherwise they wouldn't
be so big.'
'But that's what I mean. Everything sounds louder because it's so quiet
here. There's no background noise. No traffic. No people talking in the
street. This house doesn't even make creak.'
'It's built of stone. That's all that was available on the island until
recently.'
'Recently? But there are old houses in the village built of wood.'
'Well, recent meaning my great-great-grandparents' generation. The late
nineteenth century. That's when this house was built.'
'Even time is different here.'
' "Silence and slow time"?'
'Something like that.'
'Does it bother you?'
Chris took the pillow from beneath his head and propped it against the
headboard. He pushed his torso up so that he was sitting. Nick lifted his
head and stared at him, his eyes reflecting the moonlight coming through
the open window. He waited for Chris to answer his question.
Chris reached over and took a lock of Nick's hair between his fingers and
rubbed it gently. 'No, not after last night. Now, that was silence.'
Nick laughed. ' "O, King of the Bright Glory, give us last night again." '
'What's that?'
'A line from an old love song.'
******
'Can we rest for a second? I can't take much more. How much farther is this
place?' Chris clutched at a bush to keep from sliding back down the steep
hillside. The ground underfoot was muddy and slippery. 'We've been climbing
for two hours. It's going to be dark soon. How will we get back if it's
dark?'
'No. We haven't been walking anywhere near that long. An hour at
most. We're almost at the spot I want to show you. Another ten minutes, and
we'll be there. And there's a full moon tonight. We'll be able to see.'
Nick stopped several paces ahead of Chris. He was half hidden in the brush
that covered the hill. Only his head and shoulders were visible. He turned
back and stepped carefully down the hill until he was standing next to
Chris. 'Are you warm enough? I should have thought to tell you to bring a
windcheater. I forgot how cold it can be up here. Would you like to borrow
mine?' Without waiting for Chris to answer, he unshouldered his backpack
and pulled out a red cagoule and shook it out.
'What about you? Aren't you cold?'
'No, I have the genes for it. My ancestors adapted to this climate. This
feels comfortable to me. Here, put it on.'
Chris took the jacket. As he threaded his arms through the sleeves, a faint
smell arose from the cloth. A lived in, comfortable smell compounded of the
sea and driftwood fires and Nick. When Nick turned around and started back
up the hill, Chris lifted the collar of the jacket to his nose, but the
smell had already disappeared. He didn't know whether to trust his memory.
Perhaps he had just imagined it. He had to hurry to catch Nick up. The
evening walk that Nick had suggested was turning into more exercise than he
wanted, but he didn't want to be stranded in this unfamiliar
countryside. If he got separated from Nick and became lost, he could always
walk downhill, he supposed. Eventually his path would cross the road that
led to Nick's cottage. But he wasn't sure how long 'eventually' would take
and the path down was steep. It wasn't a risk he was willing to take. The
sun was setting and it was growing darker as he followed Nick walking up
the hill, more by sound than by sight.
The clearing at the top of the hill took him by surprise. One moment he was
struggling uphill through the dense undergrowth, and the next step he was
in open space. Nick was already standing on a large flat boulder near the
crest of the hill, his head and body ruddy from the late evening glare. He
held out a hand to Chris and pulled him up onto the rock. 'Look, you can
see the open ocean.' He put an arm around Chris's shoulders and swung him
around to face west. His other arm transcribed an arc through the air,
offering the view to Chris.
'Oh my god, it's beautiful. Is this why you brought me up here?' Before
them the ground dropped steeply away for several hundred feet before
flattening out to a narrow ribbon of land by the shore. The waves shoaled
soundlessly, the only record of their passage a swiftly moving shadow that
ended in narrow band of white foam against the beach. Far out in the ocean
the sun was setting.
In the fading light, Chris examined the scene before him. The were no boats
in the ocean, and the valley had no roads, no houses, no sign of human
passage. 'There's no one here?'
'No one,' said Nick. 'I've never seen anyone here since I found this place
fifteen years ago. I was ten or eleven, somewhere in there. As far as I
know, I'm the only one who ever climbs this hill. The valley's probably
been deserted for years, if it ever was inhabited. I've seen fishing boats
passing by, but they would have no reason to stop here.'
'Did you come here often?'
'Yes. All the time. It was a place I could be alone and think things out
for myself. Where I could be myself and drop the mask. This place was my
refuge from all the pressures I felt to be someone else. Someone other than
who I am. I always make sure to come up here at least once every time I
visit.'
'It's an important place for you then.'
'Yes, that's why I wanted you to see it. You've done so much to free
me. You've built this space where we can be together, in the way we should
be together. There was a time when this was the only place where I could be
with myself, with the real me. But you've shown me that place can be
everywhere I need it to be.'
Chris reached up and clasped Nick's hand that lay upon his shoulder. He
held on to it as he turned around to look east, back the way they had
come. In the distance lights marked the location of the village. The valley
between him and the bay on which Nick's cottage sat was already dark. The
sea surrounding the island was visible in all directions. At the end of the
peninsula north of the village was a white building. 'I can see your
house.'
Nick nodded without looking around. 'Don't worry. The moon will be up
shortly. Once our eyes adjust to the night, we'll be able to find our way
back.'
'I'm not worried about that. Not about the way back in any case. The way
forward perhaps, but not the way back.'
'The way forward? With me, you mean?'
Chris nodded. He didn't want to say anything. Words would have destroyed
the magic he felt growing around them. He watched the light fade from the
ocean as the sun disappeared. At that latitude, the sky far above them
remained light long after the land had turned dark. The night seemed to
creep upward from the land into the sky. He felt Nick and himself merging
with the stillness of the air, of the night, as if they were growing light
and insubstantial, joining together. 'Even the sky is silent here.' He
spoke quietly, barely disturbing the air with his thoughts. The words
seemed to float out of him. 'It's as if there will be no tomorrow. No
dawn. No world. Nothing but us. This place is like you. I understand why
you wanted to show it to me. It has silences in it just like you. Fierce,
elemental things that don't need to be spoken in order for them to be. The
world before words.'
But even as he spoke, he felt himself becoming separate from the scene,
once again an observer of it and not part of it. Once he started speaking,
he wanted to say more and more. It felt comforting to disturb the silence,
to impose himself on it, to reassert the fact of being Chris. And what he
had said about Nick wasn't true. He wasn't even sure what he had meant. It
was just something that felt right to say at the moment. It should be true,
he thought. Maybe it would become true because he had said it. If not with
Nick, then with someone else.
He put an arm around Nick's back and drew closer to him. He suddenly felt
he had to touch Nick, to reassure himself of his own physical reality
against the silence around them. He pulled the tail of Nick's shirt out of
his trousers and touched Nick's back. The skin was warm and smooth and firm
beneath his fingertips.
Nick didn't move at first, as if he sensed what Chris was thinking. 'I'm
here. I'm not going to go away.' He turned toward Chris and embraced
him. 'We can say whatever words we like. Bring whatever world we want into
being.' He pointed over head. 'Stars, I want thousands of stars. And a
bright moon that's always full.' He gestured toward the east where the moon
was just rising. 'You see, we can have whatever we want. I will make you a
world. A tranquil sea and a green land and a blue sky and warm temperatures
and gentle breezes. A garden in paradise. All for you.'
'Don't forget good beer.'
'And good beer.'
They kissed and held each other for a long silence, swaying gently.
'You've never brought anyone else to see this place?'
'No, you're the first person I've ever shown it to.'
'So you've never made love up here?'
Nick smiled and shook his head no. He touched Chris's mouth with his
fingertips. 'What are you thinking? These rocks are hard, and the ground is
damp.'
'We'll manage. We just have to be careful not to roll off this cliff.'
'Always so practical.'
'Not always.'
*******
'An old love song?'
'Yes, it's a prayer to keep love as wondrous and magical as the first
time. To keep it forever fresh. To keep it like last night.'
'That would be nice. But this time without the rocks and bushes. Those I
will willingly abandon for a comfortable bed.'
'Funny, I didn't notice at the time how hard those rocks were.'
'Nor I. But we're going to remember them. We'll both have bruises and
scratches for days. I don't know what I was thinking. You got me drunk on
your words. Offering me paradise and galaxies of stars.'
'You can still have them. Let me conjure them up for you.' The faint
pleading note in Nick's voice hung in the air.
'I don't think they would survive London. Speaking of which, we had better
get some sleep. I want to start back early tomorrow. I've some errands to
run before the shops close. I'm afraid it's back to the mundane world for
us. Do you mind if I close that window? I'm not used to all this fresh
air.' Chris didn't wait for Nick to reply. He hopped out of bed and shut
the window.