Wednesday, January 28, 2009

So it's been a while since I posted anything. I wish I could say I've been using my time productively or that it was important stuff that's kept me busy but I'd be lying. The usual duties or parenting, working, and baby arrival preparation has kept us occupied but mostly it's been laziness, procrastination, and a serious addiction to BaseballBoss that's been working against me. Honestly, a free online game that involves collecting virtual baseball cards and pitting the stars of differing eras against each other in simulated games? They might as well have gotten me hooked on crack

Anyways, a rather noteworthy point was brought to light last week. As of this week, we can now register our oldest for four year old kindergarten. WTF? Four years ago we had no kids at all and now we're on the verge of having a child in school? Not to mention the fact we'll have three kids by the time she starts school. Not even half a decade passes and I go from having minimal responsibilities in my late twenties to having three kids and being in my early thirties. Stupid less than 100% effective birth control.

She goes to nursery school one day a week now but that just doesn't seem as big as kindergarten. Having to get up, get dressed, eat and get to school on time every day? I'm not sure I can handle that. Seriously, I'm generally late for work at least once a week and now I'm going to be responsible for getting her to school on time? I highly doubt I'm the most qualified person for the job on this one. Luckily, her mom is used to working in schools so she'll be taking point on this particular mission. Once her mat leave is up and she goes back to work though, who knows what's going to happen. It's lucky that we only live about a block and a half from the school she'll be going to because I expect to have to sprint there with three kids in tow at least a couple times a week when I take over. Guess I'll have to start hitting the treadmill to make sure I'm in shape when that time comes. Of course, the bigger issue about starting school is that she firmly believes she's going to be driving herself to school on the first day in an electric pink Barbie car. I wonder if Avis or Hertz rents those things.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

When the baby comes we're going to have to be careful. Well I guess that goes without saying. Caring for an infant and reckless abandon don't usually go hand in hand. Although combining the two could result in some pretty awesome youtube videos. Not to mention visits from child services so there's a bit of a trade off there.

Getting back on track though, we're going to have to be careful because of her big sisters. I had no idea just how many baby dolls we had in this house until recently. Seems like every time I turn around they're pushing one in a stroller, putting one to bed, or feeding one a bottle. Would be nice if it was a toy bottle they were using but it's still kind of sweet. The older one has really taken the whole baby excitement thing to heart. She's constantly talking about how she's going to hold the baby and all the fun things they'll do together. It's to the point that the other day she tried to pick up her little sister. One arm under the legs, the other behind the back and she was trying to stand up. She's kind of freaky strong too because once I helped her get to her feet she was almost able to hold up her 26 lb sister without any help. Eventually physics slapped her in the face and down they went, crumbling into a super cute giggling heap. It goes without saying that we'll have to keep a close eye on her once the baby gets here (March 9 in case you're wondering).

On top of the physical concerns, there's the armchair parenting that goes on. For instance, she's taken it upon herself to make sure we're aware when we say a bad word. Not only that, but if, as an example, you happen to be driving somewhere and use some harsh language to point out the deficiencies of other motorists (more of a responsibility than a right in my opinion) then she's more than willing to let people know about it later. "Daddy said a bad word on the way here." At least she doesn't repeat the word.

That's not the only on board parenting she's been doing lately. The other day one of her parents, not saying who so as not to embarrassher, was driving when the song Baby Got Back came on the radio. As we all know, it's been scientifically proven that it is impossible to not sing along to that song. I've always thought they should play it full blast in war zone or riot situations. Before you know it everyone would just be singing along an shaking their asses. Order restored. Anyways, an unidentified parent was singing along in the driver seat when a voice came from the back. "Do you think this is a good song for kids?" Holy crap, friggin' kid is her own V-chip.

All things considered, she seems to have her unborn sister's best interest at heart which is nice. We just need to help her hold onto the baby and she'll keep the baby free from obscenities and inappropriate lyrics. Her little sister, on the other hand, has gotten into the habit of tossing her baby dolls into the air which she thinks is hilarious.

"Yeah, I think we're going to hold off on you carrying the baby. How about some Sir Mix-A-Lot to distract and entertain you?"

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Ok, here's a little math problem for you. Both my kids and the dog add up to a total of 80 lbs tops. I weigh over twice that much so how did I end up with a small section of the king size bed and a corner of the blanket last night? The only answer I can come up with is that kids expand when sleeping. It's like those foam dinosaurs you put in water and they grow to like eight times their size.

Here's what happened. The kids went to sleep fairly easily, always a nice treat, and slept pretty well. Following the normal order of things my wife, who is really looking forward to not being pregnant, was next in line for dreamland. I stayed up to watch the Daily Show, new episodes yay, and try out Xbox Live for the first time. Yeah, I just love getting my ass kicked at a video game by an eleven year old. It's even more fun with the added feature of a headset so you can hear them too. "Good job junior. You have fun with the whole first person shooter thing. I'm going to go watch R rated movies and maybe purchase some alcohol or tobacco products."

Anyways, after a while the older one starting calling out from her room. She wanted a drink but after that she started complaining about being afraid of the dark. I pointed out that she had nightlight and that the bathroom light was on so she could go potty at night if she needed. "I'm scared of the dark in my closet. Can I sleep in your room?" Well played. I was left with only one option. We piled into the bed which already had my wife, the baby "in her tummy", the dog, and the little sister in it. Add the two of us and it becomes a sleepy struggle for space.

Three bedrooms to choose from but we're all within arms reach. I guess I can't complain too much though. I only had one kid shoving against me for space. My wife had a kid switching between cuddling and pushing her away while she was also getting kicked in the stomach from the inside. Compared to that my little blanket corner seems like a friggin' dream come true.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year's Eve isn't exactly a parent friendly celebration. Toddlers tend to slow you down when it comes to drunken partying late into the night. A stinky diaper will clear some space for you in tight quarters so that's a plus. It's not a big concern of mine though because I've never been big on New Year's. I don't drink, I'm not a big fan of crowds or parties, and I don't like the idea of New Year's resolutions. How about this for a tradition, we take the time to look at our own perceived personal deficiencies and vow to do things differently this year. Basically, it's pick one of the following: I'm going to a) eat better b) exercise more c) lose weight or d) quit smoking. Then try to make it out of January without breaking your pledge. Good times.

Anyways, our evening was pretty tame but good. We started out by ordering Chinese food for supper, as we do every New Year's Eve. Tried a couple things we hadn't had before, no idea what it was, and discovered why we hadn't tried them before. Always fun to give someone six dollars and ask tell them to go cook something to try and make you puke. It's the chance you take when trying new things I guess. (Nobody was close to vomiting; we just didn't care for whatever it was.)

After supper we played a bit and then it was bedtime. I took the older one and my wife took the little one. She got hers to sleep fairly easily and I fell asleep in the bed with mine. Just the little nap I needed to help get me to midnight. Certainly needed some help because it was a piss poor night for TV watching. For some reason the TV networks assumed people wouldn't be watching TV last night. Go figure. We ended up watching the Forgetting Sarah Marshall movie which was hilarious. A little more male frontal nudity than I expect to see in a movie but it certainly helped move along the story and added to the laughs. Kids kept waking up though so it took about an hour longer than it should have to watch. Not complaining because that just got us that much closer to twelve and the dropping of the ball. That's the two traditions we have is ordering Chinese food and watching them drop that ball in Times Square.

I've got to say though that watching Dick Clark's Rocking Eve has just gotten sad. I'm not just talking about the fact it gives even more media exposure to Ryan Seacrest. Since his stroke it just makes me sad to listen to Dick Clark ring in the new year. On one hand it's nice that he's still able to get out there since it's his thing but I still find it hard to watch. It's not as hard as watching Seacrest but it's up there.

Overall, I'd say it was about as good an evening as it could have been. We both stayed up until midnight, the kids pretty much slept through, and there wasn't any vomiting. With two young kids and an HGing wife the upchucking was the big question mark so it was a happy new year indeed.