1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4pm and then bring it in to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how I am doing. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising my every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.

9. I was born to be whipped.

10. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

11. Never introduce me to people you are with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

12 Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.

13. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any, and its nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus cheque you received for being such a good manager.

14. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goal SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

Of course, men want more than just sex from a woman. How about a smile now and then?

Men try so damn hard to please their woman in hopes of sex. It is the only way men know of, if their woman cares about them, is to have sex when their woman wants to have sex with them. Therefore I think, men are strongly motivated to please their women.

And dang it woman! If you are not going to smile, you can at least do the washing and ironing!

A few weeks ago I posted on Lie of the day about the lottery being a tax on the poor. I believe there is some truth to that statement. Don’t get me wrong through, I used to buy lotto tickets now and then, but had stopped buying them because I seemed to never win anything.

It had been about a year since I bought a ticket. Well the other day I was filling my truck with gas and bought a dollar lotto ticket. In the back of my mind I was thinking that karma might help me win because karma in my case always wants to prove me wrong. Sure enough – I won. I thought to myself, hmmm, I posted some thing about the lotto screwing the poor and I win two dollars? Then I think about the old line that karma is a bitch and here at this point in my life, I have come to grips with karma by writing ‘the lotto is a scam’ post about screwing the poor out of there hard earned dollars – by winning! Well being the wild gambler that I am and knowing that karma is going to make sure I win, I decided to go all out – so I buy another two dollar ticket and as Karma would have it I win five dollars this time!

I decided to not push my karma any harder, knowing that karma was using me to take the food out of some poor child’s mouth. So I took my booty and put it in my wallet and hung my head in shame.

Do you think that Karma is real or is it just a lie we tell ourselves?

The meaning of life is exactly that which you ascribe to it. Likewise the meaning that you do not ascribe to life is exactly the meaning life will not have for you.

People who want a great deal of meaning in life should do a great deal of ascribing to everything they recognize about their life that can be ascribed to. They should keep doing this every day. They will then find their lives full of meaning.

People who want to successfully question the meaning of their lives should simply as a first step, remove all previously ascribed meanings they recognize until all ascribed and recognized meaning is gone. Second, they should meditate on further possible repressed meaning which parenthetically ( they are sure to find ) then remove those meanings and repeat ad infinitum. Eventually, their life will seem as meaningless as they want it too.

At this point, one might rightly ask, What is the purpose of meaning? To this I might say it is the essence of an object and that if the term itself were to have no essence then it would render the term useless. Then again, remember – people are not terms.

In a prior post I sort of half-assed lined out what I thought the Republican Party strategy has been for the past seven or so years.

I think McCain/Palin has changed strategy. They are using the Snipe hunting strategy.

When I was in High School, most every boy at one time or another went with his already initiated friends to hunt Snipe or Side Hill Dodgers or Hide-Behinds.

It was a right-of-passage. I went out with my friends, my gunny-sack (you always caught these things in gunny-sacks) for my first Snipe hunt, my Dad told me ‘son, there is no such thing as Snipe’. I knew my friends wouldn’t lie to me so I went hunting with them but by my third hunt I started to wonder if maybe my Dad knew something I didn’t know, as I had yet to see one Snipe.

It was a play on my youthful gullibility.

I am guessing that McCain/Palin are gambling that most people now-a-days haven’t gone through that right-o-passage…

I am guessing that McCain/Palin are gambling that most American’s will not use the internet to research the facts about their claims for themselves.

They are probably right.

I would call the McCain/Palin strategy ‘The big gamble’ strategy. It seems to me that they take big gambles on just how gullible Americans might really be.

After reading the article, I think Lithwick’s logic is sound and that this would be a great course of action for John McCain to follow.

Here is a quote to demonstrate just how sound her logic is:

Finally, Palin has revealed, both as the mayor of Wasilla and then as the chief executive of Alaska, a style of governance that features the not-infrequent firing of dissenters. Among the growing list of those dismissed or threatened with removal on Palin’s watch were Mary Ellen Emmons, the Wasilla town librarian and vociferous opponent of Palin’s proposal to dabble in book banning, and John Bitney, Palin’s legislative director, who was dating the not-quite-ex-wife of one of her husband’s friends. Palin is also the subject of an ethics investigation for firing Walt Monegan, the Alaska Public Safety commissioner, who declined to fire the state trooper divorcing her sister. I can’t help but wonder if following two years of scandals surrounding the Bush administration’s decision to terminate nine U.S. attorneys for their imagined disloyalty, John McCain might be nervous about a vice president with a proclivity toward doing the same thing. If McCain puts Palin on the Supreme Court, however, she has only a trio of law clerks and a secretary to hire, and each can be vetted for ideological purity.

No fair arguing that Palin isn’t experienced enough to sit on the highest court of the land. What matters—far more than experience—is one’s unyielding moral certainty, relatability and gender. And Palin has these qualities in spades. Washington’s old-boy problem hardly ends at the Oval Office. If ever there were a D.C. institution in dire need of a place to plug in a breast pump, it’s the Supreme Court. And Palin has already proven that neither the courts, nor precedent, nor even the Constitution itself will be a match for the force of her will. America has finally found someone suited to put the “law” back into scofflaw, and it’s Sarah Palin. McCain shouldn’t waste her talents on state funerals.

Professor Obvious of WASU gave a lecture today on the state of the world:

Look toward our future! Today there are approximately 6.7 billion people on this little planet. In the next hundred years all these people will be dead, well most of them anyway. What a tragedy! Who will dispose of all these bodies? Think about this too, more people will be born during the next one hundred years and many of those people will die! And what about all the animals? Think about the great blue whales, how many of them will die? What about the lions and tigers and bears? We worry about war, oil, poverty, terrorists and politics but who thinks about the great disaster that is facing us all other than those of us here at WASU?

At WASU, we are thankful to those professor’s who both seek and expose the truth! Obviously, our favorite professor received thunderous applause and a standing ovation from the appreciative audience here at We’re All Screwed University.