Patently unhelpful tech jargon, of a pretentious and/or unintelligible sort. Language used by a computer nerd who is attempting, unsuccessfully, to communicate with a layperson about computers or technology matters. Often characterized by circumlocution and jargon. Difficult to impossible to comprehend.

I called customer support after my laptop went BSOD, but try as I might, I could NOT understand the GOBBLEDYGEEK coming out of the guy's face hole.