Thursday, October 14, 2010

"Work" wanted a description of our yearly accomplishments/duties..

Telephone monitoring for both SM**and G*n*Tr** which includes knowing what company I am representing at {almost} all times..

-the use of We are ..or They are and to be used at the appropriate times

- to be flexile when an error has occurred and have the brain/lip coordination of saying “Hello this is SMG-G-G-*ne*tree, may I help you? “

-the ability to feign interest in callers requesting knowledge of their wolverine ancestors, in finding their relationship to and establishing what percentage Martian they are after the “incident” in the corn fields..

- Monitor/ration all food levels ensuring even distribution of snack and treats in a diplomatic and unbiased manner
- Stage said snacks and treats in an aesthetically pleasing fashion
- Treat all hazardous spills and toxic waste in a quick and discreet manner
- Ensure sanitation of feed-room and holding bins at all times
- Monitor microwave usage and inspection for food debris and spills
- Tear, fold and distribute ecco-friendly paper toweling into useful absorbent dribble-catching napkins, thus saving untold amounts of revenue on more costly Real Paper Napkins
- Care and feeding of said employees in a tightly monitored schedule to avoid hunger-induced riots at mid-day

including the knowledge of who Katy Perry is..
that Fergie isn't that Fergie but the other Fergie....
how to Zumba..
what hair products work best for extreme hold on that tousled-yet-touchable style..
who and what is FaceBook with the explicit knowledge of how to un-friend someone
and...the appropriate usage of "dude" in any given situation

*This list is not to be considered binding or contractual and may be altered/changed or thrown away at any time as seen prudent by said employee...moi..

All expectation of a raise and/or better benefits is immediate and must be responded to (favorably) within 72 hours of receipt.

Every office needs one! You are the glue that keeps it all working smoothly. GREAT POST! I finally know who Katy Perry is and the other Fergie, it took me awhile!Have a great weekend. You have my vote.