First Prize: Melissa Patterson, 11th Grade – Are Pimples the Wrath of God?

Melissa Patterson’s magnificent project demonstrates that pimples are God’s punishment against young people for impious, aberrant behavior. Ms. Patterson tested her hypothesis empirically with a questionnaire designed to test whether a correlation exists between the severity of teenage acne and ungodliness in her subjects. The results: Melissa’s experiment succeeded in exhibiting a direct correlation between acne and a history of sin, proving that pimples are indeed the wrath of God. (Click To View Completed Sample Questionnaire)

Mr. Granger’s project casts serious doubt on the integrity of anthropological “evidence” that contends that animals walked the earth prior to 6,000 years ago. Through a meticulous analysis of pictures of the bones of dinosaurs compared with those of his deceased dog Buster, Scott has shown that bones that have been buried for five years appear just as old as those that have supposedly been buried for over 50 million.

Third Prize:Evan Minor, 12th Grade – How Long Can a Sinner Survive in a Cold Room?

Mr. Minor’s project makes a significant contribution towards resolving the question of how long a sinner can survive in a cold room. With the help of a couple friends, Evan absconded a drunk sinner as he attempted to get into his car after emerging from a local bar. They then removed his clothes, tied him to a chair, locked him inside a walk-in refrigerator (4°C), and observed. The results: the sinner survived for 32 hours. Conclusion: More study required

Ms. Gust resolves the question of why dinosaurs were never mentioned in the Bible by showing that they never existed at all. Susan proves her hypothesis that dinosaur fossils were merely placed on Earth by God to test the faith of man by juxtaposing the size of Noah’s Arc with the height of several purported dinosaur species, demonstrating that they could never have fit on board the ship.

Honorable Mention:Jason Kiel, 9th Grade - Is Nature Evil?

Jason devised a highly innovative way to test whether animals were all friendly to each other and mankind before the flood by raising a baby mouse and snake together as friends, observing if and how their disposition towards each other might change over time. Results: The snake ate the mouse after four months, proving that nature is evil and mankind owes it nothing.