A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Three women, one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting
about their relationships and decide to amaze their men. That night all
three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their
eyes.

After a few days they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman: 'The other night when my boyfriend came over he found
me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and
said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you. Then we made love all
night long.'

The mistress: 'Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and
I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a
raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had
wild sex all night.'

The married woman: 'I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the
night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black
stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the
door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

Well... if at that exact moment the mother comes in and sees you on the bed and the cat with the the stuff on his/her face then things could become interesting. Sounds like an urban myth in the making. Im picturing that mum walks in, and there is you and the cat both staring at her with guilty looks

It wasn't included in the sportclimbing guide to the area
You don't care that you left the rack at home
Your single piece is more sticky tape than metal
A passerby starts explaining the meaning of the word 'otiose'
There is a buzzard in the nearest tree
You wear a helmet
A man in a black suit measures you before you start climbing
The photographer wont photograph the move
You fart and all your gear falls out
Your butt cheeks go into spasm
You're exhausted from hauling your futon up to the base
John Donne thinks you're mad
Your belayer brings a deckchair and a book
There's some dude in a black robe with a scythe hanging around talking to your belayer
Your arsehole is making grinding noises
There appears to be a tunnel with a white light at the end just next to your climb
Your belayer starts praying

OK, I'll bite.
A wealthy old man took ill with a chronic condition. He called in one of his close advisors one day and told him he wanted to sit the bar exam before he died.
The attorney took to bringing him the necessary materials to his hospital bed while the old man worked feverishly away, studying as best he could while his condition worsened. After a month or more of hard work, he sat the exam and the day came when he was presented with his certificate.
However all that hard work had worsened his condition markedly and his doctor now gave him only days to live. His attorney, on presenting him with his certificate, said to him:
"So, you're now a qualified attorney. But why? You've done all this work, and yet you'll be passing soon. I just fail to see the point?".
The old man propped up on one elbow, managed a wry smile, and said "One less lawyer".