Caption Contest 121

Your challenge this week is to come up with the best replacement dialog for this comics panel:

The best entry (as judged by yours truly) wins the author's choice of either any item they like or any portrait to be included in HeroMachine 3′s final release, or a custom black and white “Sketch of the Day” style illustration (you pick the subject, I draw it however I like).

All entries must be left as a comment (or comments) to this post. Keep ‘em clean (appropriate for a late-night broadcast TV show), but most importantly, keep ‘em funny!

This one should be a bit more challenging than usual, both because you're coming up with an editorial caption instead of dialog and because, let's face it, keeping them clean enough for late-night television won't be easy.

No limit to entries, but please, self-edit and only put up ones you genuinely think are good!

1: I JUST HAD SEX! AND IT FELT SO GOOD!
2: And with the perfect combination of flatulance and fire, Doctor Vandar proved the theory of Spontaneous Human Combustion!
3: …and may I be blown up from the inside if I’m lying!

1: “And then he revealed himself to be none other than…..Onomatopoeia-Man!”
2: “Appearing in the comics today: ‘Splosion Man!”
3: “And then God said: Let there be Michael Bay!”
4: “Kaboom: The Adventures of the Overachieving Chestburster”

1: When Jimmy found out they were out of turkey…
2: ….but he didn’t make it to the bathroom in time!
3: “See,I told you I can swallow a grenade whole!”
4: …and so, Mr. ‘Splosion Man is born!
5: …and this is your body on cosmic rays
6: Meanwhile, Superman’s loogie landed…

1.And BLOOF, the stain comes right out!
2. You see John here didn’t listen to his doctor when he told him to switch to Acifex for chronic Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
3. Rogue glowing block letters claim another victim. Call your local congressman today.

…and that, fellow travelers, is why the Guide recommends NOT pushing the large red button. For you see, spontaneous combustion of the explosive variety is, in fact, quite improbable… though not nearly as improbable as the sound that occurred at that exact moment, which cannot be accurately represented by any onomatopoeic word of any language in the galaxy. Thus we shall have to settle for…