I'm Worried About What Life Will Be Like When This Jar of Dark Chocolate Dreams Is Gone

Wednesday, September 22

I'm Worried About What Life Will Be Like When This Jar of Dark Chocolate Dreams Is Gone

As a type 1 diabetic for over twenty years, y'all, my biggest fear—besides having an insulin reaction while hang-gliding in the Amazon and crash-landing into a pterodactyl's nest—is having an insulin reaction ANYWHERE and not having any sugary food-type thing I can stuff into my mouth to get my blood sugar up to a normal level. In this nightmare I have, I will be alone in the dark—in a forest, in a linen closet, in a fallout shelter, in the hatch on Lost—and I will slowly, sweatily expire as I search in vain for a sugary snack. It could happen!

To make it less likely that this awful thing will ever happen, Jimmy and I always make sure to have plenty of treats in our cabinets. These include Nutella, Little Debbie Zebra Cakes, and/or some cake icing. And ice cream. But I came home two nights ago to find a new treat that Jimmy had bought at the fancy grocery store in Williamsburg: Peanut Butter & Co.'s No Stir Natural Dark Chocolate Dreams. This thing I just typed is so much more than a great title for an awesome porno. It's, in fact, a soft, creamy mixture of peanut butter and rich, lush dark chocolate.

I knew this thing was going to be awesome when I first opened the jar and saw that Jimmy had already eaten at least one third of the contents. That's usually a good sign (though not a guarantee--Jimmy likes eggplant, after all). So I spooned out just a tiny little taste of the Dark Chocolate Dreams and damn if this chocolate/peanut butter spread isn't one of the most delicious things I've ever put in my mouth. And I've put a lot of delicious things in my mouth!

But you know how you discover a new food item, buy it, and immediately start worrying about when it will be all gone? That's where I am with this snack now. Even though I know that the next time I have a low-blood-sugar I will be able to Nosedive Right into Dark Chocolate Dreams (also a great title for an awesome porno), there will come a time when the DCD will be gone. Sure, we can buy more, but that means having to leave the house.

What's worse: Zebra Cakes and Strawberry Cheesecake Haagen-Dazs are no longer good enough for me. My insulin reactions demand more. They Demand Dark Chocolate Dreams. (Also a great title for an awesome porno.)