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OK, some things are obvious. If you want to be invited back, don't get drunk and make a scene at the holiday cocktail party.

But sometimes, according to expert party-throwers in our midst, there is a little more finesse involved in being a good guest -- the kind of party-goer whom everyone wants at their seasonal soiree. Knowing when to come (never early) and go (never too late), as well as what to bring, will ensure your party calendar is jammed throughout the holiday season.

Caterer Carole Amerongen, who owns The Dish and the Runaway Spoon, says people should be willing to expend a little social energy in exchange for a party invitation. That means not sneaking down the hall to try to catch the score in the hockey game.

"It's about being a good mingler," says Amerongen. "Don't stay where you're comfortable. I think it's a good idea to move around a bit and talk to other people."

If you have any food allergies, make sure to let the host know in advance, according to Marianne Brown of The Butler Did It. The long-time caterer recalls a Christmas party at which paramedics had to be summoned when a guest with a peanut allergy became ill. Although being a vegetarian is hardly a health risk, a host will feel better knowing in advance about a preference for tofu, because then he or she can include suitable choices on the menu.

"I've had to root through people's fridges, looking for something to serve (to vegetarians)," says Brown. "But when I know in advance, I can make them something nice."

Gifts for the people throwing the party are a welcome gesture, but can be awkward. A bouquet of flowers may send the hostess tearing through her cupboards, looking for the right vase, adding last-minute confusion. Brown recommends sending flowers beforehand, or afterwards. Miranda Ringma, co-owner of the flower and gift shop, Zocalo, located in Little Italy, says a potted seasonal plant is one solution to the container issue. Another idea is to make a container, such as a pitcher (full of flowers) or a ceramic loaf dish (with a hand-made cranberry loaf inside) part of the gift.

"There are very few times that something like that isn't appreciated," says Ringma.

Well-known Edmonton party-thrower Elexis Schloss suggests making a donation to a charity in lieu of a gift.

"I often give a sheep from Oxfam and attach it to a little ceramic sheep from The Tin Box," says Schloss. (Visit oxfamamericaunwrapped.com for details. Donating a bag of school supplies, or a pair of school uniforms for a needy child costs under $25.)

Brown has another caveat for those who bring a little something for the host. Lots of people will have the same idea, and that can lead to quite a pile of brightly wrapped parcels by the coat hook. Make sure your card is either in the gift box, or glued to it, so the two don't become separated, leaving the host wondering whether it was you who brought the expensive bottle of wine, or the re-gifted basket of potpourri.

Schloss says guests need to watch their alcohol consumption, and not be offended if the host wants to call a taxi or Operation Red Nose.

"Just think of what fun you can have enjoying the leftovers when you come back the next morning to pick up your keys," she says.

lfaulder@thejournal.canwest.com

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