Speaking from the MI6 studios in Los Angeles, Joel Ephraim, one of the producers on the project detailed some plot elements: “Throughout the film, Tom will be fighting like hell to keep Katie Holmes married to himself so as not to reveal his homosexuality. We’ve also got a great cameo role for John Travolta, he comes in towards the end and it’s like both of them ride into the sunset together afterwards – oh shit, spoiler alert. You know, like Brokeback meets the Lone Ranger meets Hostel, or maybe a fucked up version of Batman and Robin. Go see the movie, it is so intense, you will fuckin’ love it.”

D-meter madness

Actress Katie Holmes will be seen escaping the clutches of Cruise and the Church of Scatology handlers from the cult’s compound in the desert.

“One particular scene really got me. These Scatologists are brainwashing Katie, trying to make her believe that she is in a regular marriage with a straight man, and believe me, she really wants to believe. They’re trying so hard that the poor broad is bleeding out of her eyeballs. Dangling used underpants in her face and shit. We got Cruise and Travolta slapping her around under an interrogation lamp talkin’ about Kretins and Klingons invading her mind and other such nonsense. Time is running out, if Cruise and Travolta do not do something quick, the world will know the truth about their fake marriages. Meanwhile, Kelly Preston is in another room getting the same treatment as Holmes. At one point in the scene – it was really quite poignant – Cruise gets a marker pen and draws a beard over her face. He just keeps shouting, “Why can’t you be like this?” over and over and over. She finally escapes, I won’t tell you how, but she is awarded a medal for lasting five years,” Ephraim said.

Mission Impossible 6 will be the defining movie out of the whole MI franchise, and audiences will finally see revealed, what they always knew about Tom Cruise.

“I saw the test screening and people came out traumatised. This movie needs to be seen, not only for Tom’s sake but every ones,” Mr Ephraim, told reporters outside the studio yesterday.

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