Father John A. Hardon, S.J. Archives

Sacraments

Sacrament of Matrimony - Introduction

I repeat; this is your mini-textbook on the
doctrine. We will concentrate on these nine classes on the doctrine, but I
do want you to have copies of the Code dealing with matrimony.

First then, the Concept of the Sacrament
of Matrimony; in other words, what is it? We say, and I will periodically
read, and then go on to expand, Christian marriage is that sacrament in which
two marriageable people of different sexes associate in an undivided life
communion by mutual agreement for the generation and education of offspring
and in which they receive grace for the fulfillment of the special duties
of their state. Every word in that paragraph sentence is important. Notice,
Christian marriage is a sacrament. How this needs to be emphasized. For us
believing Catholics marriage is certainly a state of life. Marriage is certainly
a contract. Marriage is certainly the foundation of civilized society. But
marriage is first and primarily a sacrament. And, because it is a sacrament,
Christian marriage, hear it and dont forget; Christian marriage is independent
of the authority of the civil government. Christian marriage belongs by divine
right to the authority of the Church founded by Christ. And what happened,
first in the thirteenth century among the Orthodox, as they call themselves,
and the sixteenth century among Protestants? There is only one competitor
that, for two thousand years, the Catholic Church has had in her, the Churchs,
exercise of authority over marriage and that is the State. And in the thirteenth
century the bishops of the Eastern Church caved in. They surrendered. And,
though they still have a nominal authority over the sacrament because they
believe in the Sacrament of Matrimony, why they gave such power to the State
is the single main reason why now, for over seven hundred years, there has
been no reunion between the Eastern Orthodox and the Roman Catholic Church.
Whats the main reason? It is what you believe marriage is. The State has
always believed, every State since the dawn of human history, has always believed
that marriage can be dissolved. Christ taught the opposite, and those who
still believe in Him and are faithful to Him, the only authentic Catholics
in the world, hear it, are those that believe that sacramental, valid, consummated
marriage no authority on earth can dissolve, not even the Bishop of Rome.
In the sixteenth century it was a complete surrender, but theyll still call
themselves Christians, complete surrender of authority over marriage to the
State. And thats where, in the Anglo-Saxon world, marriage has been. And
the result has been chaos. We dont begin to begin to re-Christianize western
society until we restore marriage to that authority which alone under God
has a right, namely the Church founded by Christ and not the State.

So it is a sacrament in which two marriageable
people. Now as we go on, especially in the Code of Canon Law, much of what
wed like to cover we wont be able to cover in class. I will ask you, however,
to read carefully whatever I give you to read between classes. We all need
it. Marriageable people  as we know not everybody is marriageable. Who is
not marriageable? Are people who cannot conceive? Is sterility an invalidating,
as we say, impediment, to marriage? Can sterile people be validly married?
Yes. Just because they cannot have children does not make them, well, unmarriageable.
On that level, as we know, it is  who knows, what alone makes a couple if even one of the two is, not sterile,
but impotent? Now there are other conditions, but one condition for being
marriageable is the ability to have, well, marital relations, marital intercourse.
In the absence of that there cannot be a valid marriage. People of different
sexes  oh, how this needs to be said today! And even as we use the word,
sodomy a lot of people dont even know where sodomy comes from. Like the
word lesbianism, many people dont know where lesbian comes from. Do you
know? Do you know? Well, its just as well. But, Lesbos is an island off the
coast of Greece when, in pre-Christian times, the women who were homosexual
 this is in pagan, pre-Christian Greece  they became so numerous and so
influential in Greek society that the Greek government decided this cannot
go on. So these dear, homosexual women were rounded up and exiled to the island
of Lesbos to protect society. No society has ever survived which has legalized
homosexuality. Im no Isaiah; the days of America are numbered.

And notice, to associate in an undivided life
communion  well say much about that adjective, undivided, life communion
 they dont just happen to live under the same roof. And the Church uses
the term communion as the closest intimacy between two persons. Christ Himself
when we receive him, as we say, we receive Him in communion. And behind the
word communion is not merely, say physical either nearness or intimacy.
The essence of communion is a union of spirit. Oh, how this needs to be said!
During my five years of teaching at Western Michigan having over two thousand
students in my five years; they would come in. Most of my students were not
Catholic; my alias was, of course, Dr. Hardon not Father Hardon. And more
than once and both cases either girls would bring their fiancée or men would
bring the girl they thought they would like to marry. They didnt tell the
girl. They told me. A man would bring a girl in. Now Father this is the girl
I am planning to marry so I would like you to meet Mabel (or Bernice, or Cathy).
And then, I hope you meet again. So we talked a little bit then, later on,
he made a private appointment and wed talk. Then I was to report to him back,
well, to the husband to be. Well, Father, hed come in, What do you think?
Well I would tell him, depending on who the girl was, Shes very attractive,
physically, but I do have some reservations about the beauty of her soul.
Then I would list a few, well, signs of spiritual beauty. Oh, how the body
can deceive other people and this is of the essence of Christian marriage.
It is first and primarily a union of two spirits, of two souls by mutual agreement.
Notice it has to be mutual, both must agree. And not only, as we may say,
when, say, if he is asked first, You accept, say, X here as your lawful wife.
He says, I do. It is not only that she accepts, then, him because he accepted
her. No! It is a mutual, mutual agreement. In other words, I want to marry
this person for what he or she is and not just because, say, the other partner
is willing to accept me. Because, as marriage goes on; oh, I havent witnessed
all that many weddings, but enough to be able to say this, when they marry
the deep, simple, childlike faith in the other person. Then six weeks, six
months, six years when the other partner may seem not able to accept all of
the one whom he or she married. In other words, Christian marriage is not
a bargain. It is accepting the person as a person. And we human beings, we
change. Do we ever change, and how kind of God who not revealing to the marrying
couple what the husband or wife will be in the future. Thanks, Lord! Thanks!

Now the Purpose. The language has not
changed even though as we know, as well see, the Second Vatican Council has
sharpened and clarified what we call the two-fold purpose of marriage. In
the pages youve got clearly the generation and education of offspring is
placed first. We ask, in what sense, in what sense is the conception and generation
of children and then their education primary? It is primary in the sense that
it may never be subordinated to the other purpose. Am I clear? The other purpose
of marriage is for the mutual benefit of the marrying partners. And this,
at root, is why contraception is a grave sin. It is a subordination of that
which under God is primary to what, according to the Divine Will, is secondary.
Certainly, certainly, God wants the married couple to be channels of grace
to each other, wants them to grow in mutual affection, wants them to grow
in, well, in their own individuality. And what God said to Adam, first about
Adam and then to Adam, It is not good for man, and it better be masculine
gender, to be alone. There is a profound sense in which men need women.
And I am sure that, pardon me, that women need men. But, that is secondary
and, therefore, we may never subordinate no matter how elevated or inspiring
the purpose of fostering mutual affection between the spouses. That may never
be primary and subordinate the conception or, now with abortion, the generation
of children to any other end than the one which is primary in the mind of
God. You notice we are told, For the generation and education of offspring,
and the education is not only formal, scholastic, academic education which
in our English-speaking world we almost come to identify with going to class
and doing your homework. No, the education includes everything which mother
and father, both together and individually, are meant to share with the children
they conceive and give birth to, and not only in body. In other words, the
primary focus in the Churchs mind for education is to educate the spirit,
the soul, the mind and will. And within that, the mind and will mainly in
these two faculties: relationship, not to the world in which we live as important
as that education is, but rather educate children so that they then might
reach the home for which they were made. In other words, the primary purpose
of the education of children is not for this life. God forbid! We quoted Sigmund
Freud defining what a psychotic is. Ive got my psychotic definition: A psychotic
is one that believes this is the only world for which we exist. That, in my
vocabulary, is pure psychosis. And the only problem is that so many psychotics
are running our country. So the education, therefore, is education for eternity.
And, and this then, is both the second and we may, as weve said, call it
the secondary purpose in which they receive grace for the fulfillment of the
special duties of their state. Note the language. By the way, I could have
xeroxed all kinds of books. Needless to say, I chose my book. In other words,
a couple marry in order that they might be channels of grace to one another.
A marries B that B might be a channel of grace to A and he or she be a channel
of grace to B and vice-a-versa. In my forty-six years in the priesthood I
cannot count, it must be several thousand times that Ive told either audiences
or individuals: the primary source of grace for you as a husband or wife
is your married spouse assuming, of course, the sacraments which are channels
of grace. But the primary, human source of grace that we have on earth is
the one who God puts into our lives in order that we might be a grace for
that person and he or she a source of grace to us. For married people, their
spouse is the principal source of grace, and some frightening consequences
follow. Over the years, in dealing with marital problems, there are certain
people I remember by name every day in my prayers; married couples whose marriage
is either as we say already on the rock or is in danger of collapsing. How
many people Ive told, You tell me about your husband, and I believe everything
you say but has it occurred to you that to practice the patience and the kindness,
the charity, if he has been unfaithful the chastity, that you as a wife have
a right to expect from your husband; has it occurred to you that you are the
principal source of grace for your husband? But how can I love, then whatever
vocabulary the woman wants to use in my presence, that bum! We need grace!
God gives the grace but He uses other human beings. The main source of grace
we constantly have on earth is other human beings. If they lack the grace
they will behave, well, like graceless people. But then Ive got to examine
my conscience. Am I doing my part to be the channel of grace for this, lets
call him, difficult person for the fulfillment of the special duties of their
state. And, as we know, maybe yourselves, when people marry, and its just
as well; oh they may have read some books on marriage, they may have gone
through pre-marriage counseling, maybe read a book (is it pre-Cana); its
all meant to help. Be sure, however, the books you read and the counseling
you get is sound and solid. But, the duties of the married state are so demanding
that they require special graces only God can give, and for that married people
should know where to get the grace they need. So much by way of the introduction
on the concept, theology and the sacramental nature of matrimony. Thats the
concept of matrimony.

Now the Origin. When did marriage as
a sacrament begin? There was no marriage as a sacrament before the time of
Christ. God had to become man to make the Sacrament of Matrimony possible.
And why did He have to become man? Because having died on the cross Christ
merited, as we say, won all the graces that a thousand worlds would need to
reach heaven. However, having won those graces is not enough. Thats the treasury.
All those graces must be available. They must be accessible. What, then, is
the Sacrament of Matrimony? It is the store, storehouse, the treasury of that
grace which then is tapped, tapped by the marrying people when they receive
the Sacrament of Matrimony. It is, therefore, through the Sacrament of Matrimony
that the distinctive graces that married people need, and they need a lot
of graces, to live out their married life according to the will of Christ.
When, then, was the Sacrament of Matrimony instituted? It was instituted after
God became man and by Jesus Christ during His visible stay on earth. Do we
know exactly when, exactly when, Jesus instituted the Sacrament of Matrimony?
We do not. We know infallibly that He instituted the sacrament and defined
as such by the Church. And this, by the way is, for a moments flashback to
the other course, this is one of the grounds we have for realizing how indispensably
important is Sacred Tradition. Not everything that we believe, and we better
believe, we better believe that Christ instituted the Sacrament of Matrimony.
But I dont find it in the Scriptures. Well, we dont lose any sleep over
that. So what! It is, our faith tells us, in Sacred Tradition revealed already
by Christ Himself during His visible stay on earth. The time when it was founded,
the sacrament of marriage, we are not sure. And by the way, in general, in
writing or even in speaking, it is customary and preferable to use matrimony
when you are referring to the sacrament and use marriage when you are speaking
either generically or to distinguish natural marital union from the sacramental
union which then is properly called in Latin, matrimonium. There are different
times which, over the centuries, theologians have indicated that Christ instituted
the Sacrament of Matrimony. Two principal occasions when theologically we
may believe that Christ instituted this sacrament. One is at the marriage
feast of Cana when, as you remember, His mother told Him they ran out of wine.
Our Lord even made a strange remark, What have I got to do with that? But
the mother knew her Boy. She went over and told the servants, Now fill all
the jars you can see. And they had only six, right? If they had seven there
would have been seven jars. She must have told them, Fill them to the brim.
Then, now the evangelist doesnt tell us, but Mary certainly then went over
and told her Son, Well now, Jesus, the water jars are filled. Oh, how well
I know how demanding mothers can be. Mothers can demand miracles and provided
God wants the child to do it, the miracles worked. I know one miracle that
Christ worked through my mother  changing a very, very stubborn, self-willed
individual  I cant believe it  to living in a Jesuit community and loving
my brothers. And, of course, it makes sense if, in other words, Christ did,
indeed, institute marriage at the Cana feast. Well, He changed water into
wine. He changed selfish individuals, and mind you all, all of us superbé,
all naturally proud, to change we selfish human beings to live with another
human being  oh no! One wife called me up the evening of her wedding day,
Father (it was a long distance telephone call)! I assured her this is all
Gods will.

The other occasion is when Christ asked, especially
in Matthew and Mark, remember Our Lord was being badgered, we may say, by
the Pharisees, Can a man put away his wife for any reason? Then Christ told
them thats what it used to be but from now on one man, one woman until death.
And there again it would make sense if the Church has never officially declared
when Our Lord instituted this sacrament. It would make sense to say He did
so at the time He made that humanly impossible commandment. In fact, in teaching
over the years the Sacrament of Matrimony I would tell my students, Most
people when they hear the word supernatural well they would memorize a definition
but theyre not quite sure what supernatural means. Well, super means above,
beyond. Natural means, well, nature, what belongs to nature, what nature
can do. So the supernatural is that which enables people to do what naturally
they cannot do. And, therefore, the Sacrament of Matrimony provides the marrying
couple with a superhuman power to remain faithful to one another, one man
and one woman, until death. And this is the Churchs history. The single most
telling proof of the power of grace over nature is the stability and fidelity
of Christian marriage. There has never been, never been, a religion, never,
in the recorded history of the human race before Christ; there is not now
anywhere in the world, any religion, and for thirty years I have been teaching
comparative religion  Hinduism, Shinto, Jainism, you name it  there is not
now and we are safe in saying there never will be, any religion that would
require monogamy as a condition for the married people to reach their destiny
except Christianity; and within Christianity only Catholic Christianity; and
within Catholic Christianity only Roman Catholic Christianity; and within
Roman Catholic Christianity only among those who still believe  those bishops,
those priests, those lay people  who still believe that when two people enter
the Sacrament of Matrimony no power on earth can divide them and separate
them with the right to be married. And this, my friends, is THE, capital T,
capital H, capital E; this is THE crisis in the Catholic Church in our country.

Behind the sacramental nature of matrimony
 weve been talking about this but just to zero in on the word sacramental,
every sacrament, as we know, is what Christ instituted that infallibly confers
the grace which is signified by the, well, by the marital, in this case, marital
right. What is signified? They take each other, exchange hands, and the marital
ceremony indicates the one gives and the other, I dont say takes, but receives.
Theres quite a difference. In other words, Christ instituted a sacrament
so that two people who may not have known each other like in my mother and
fathers case; they met and after two weeks they married. My record so far
is of a couple, city unnamed, Ive known them over the years. After six years
of courtship, Why dont you two marry? Seven years, ten years, finally twelve
years, so I gave them even a date. I was happy to concelebrate mass with a
bishop. He celebrated the mass when I received the vows. In other words; the
grace to remain in loving fidelity to a person, no matter how long the courtship
has been. You just dont know your married spouse as well as you come to know
him or her once you marry.