Tamra Could Sell Ice to Eskimos

Gretchen feels played by the way Tamra handled the Alexis situation and won't have people make false accusations.

As I write out my thoughts in this blog, please remember that these blogs are meant to give you insight to our individual point of view, and for us discuss things you might not have known were happening behind-the-scenes. As I state every week, this is therapeutic for me to write out my feelings, so please if you don’t like long blogs then just skip it. I write for those that want to understand where I am coming from and those who want my point of view on the episode you see. We all have different points of view, and this is why this show is successful -- because each one of us ladies sees and processes things differently. It’s not right or wrong, it just is.

I have to say that this episode really took me for quite the emotional spin. And I have to say I feel very naïve, taken advantage of, and played. This episode was very hard to watch and sincerely hurt my heart.

I gotta give it to Tamra though; this girl can sell ice to Eskimos. She has this ability to truly make you believe everything she tells you or texts you and then she can turn around and say or do the complete opposite on camera. I just wish she would have been honest with me from the get go about this whole Alexis issue, because now it feels like she was lying to us both. She was telling me one thing, all the while telling Alexis the complete opposite. I was played like a fiddle by Tamra on this one.

Eddie calling me childish for not wanting to be there if Alexis was going was hypocritical. Just a few weeks earlier he was the one saying he didn’t want to be anywhere Vicki was and was questioning why Tamra was having Vicki to events. He even said he didn’t think Tamra should be friends with a liar, a cheater, and a manipulating person like her. Was Eddie being childish too then?

You can imagine my surprise when I heard from the grapevine that Alexis was invited to go dress shopping. My first thought was Tamra and Alexis weren’t even friends. Tamra kicked her out of her party. The two despised each other. Obviously it wasn’t until I was watching the show that I realized that Tamra went and met with Alexis and was telling her to not tell anyone else about their meeting. Being that I thought Tamra and I were very close at that time, I didn’t understand why she kept that a secret. That seemed shady to me.

Not knowing any of that went on, and having Tamra still trash talking Alexis during that time, it was confusing to me why Tamra would invite her to a very special day like this. I mean anyone would question why she would invite a woman who up to this point had never even congratulated her on her engagement, had not been involved in any of the wedding planning, bachelorette party, or showers, and making accusations that she was the biggest bully of us all, and threatening to sue her. Needless to say I was rightfully baffled, and I’m not the kind of person who just goes “oh well whatever.” I am the kind of person who will question why you are saying one thing and doing another.

Like it or not, it’s just my truth. I will not pretend, be fake, or not question my friends when they are talking out both sides of their mouths. The hardest part about watching this episode is that I remember feeling concerned more than anything that, because of our issues with Alexis, Tamra's special day could get ruined again -- like her fitness party. Even Heather said to me she wasn’t going if Alexis was going, and that it was ridiculous that she would even show up because she and Tamra weren’t friends and Tamra didn’t want her there. So I figured, well at least Tamra wasn’t just telling me this but also another close friend. It made me feel like I wasn’t out-of-line being concerned and confused. However I guess in Tamra’s book that is being self-centered and egotistical. My question is why wasn’t Heather being accused of being those things for not wanting to go to the salsa party or dress shopping if Alexis was there?

I explained to Tamra that her dress shopping day was one of the days that Malibu Country had requested my time and was honest with her that I rather go take that opportunity versus dealing with the potential drama that could ensue with Alexis there. I really was over all of us having the same fight with Alexis and quite frankly I just didn’t want to be back in that situation or be around it again. However my “I need to be a good friend no matter how I feel” conscience took over and I decided the right thing to do was go and support Tamra -- no matter who was there. I had already asked Tamra to move the date once because I couldn’t make it the first time and was bummed, so I didn’t feel right asking her to change it again. So I told my agent, who called me about the part that I was not available on that Friday and that was the end of it…..or at least I thought.

I had no idea the backstabbing, the crap talking, and the things that were being said behind my back. Just the limo ride alone -- I mean what an idiot I feel like now for getting in that limo thinking I made the right decision to go and be there for my friend that day. What a huge slap in my face. I mean for goodness sakes they even found fault for me wearing a sentimental ring from my fiancé who passed from cancer. How insecure do you have to be to take issue with something like that? Also, Vicki since you were the one who was so sure that I never wear that ring, why don’t you take a closer look at the footage this year or from the past few years since Jeff has passed and you’ll quickly eat your words. Just go look at our cast photo from Season 7 where I have it on my finger! I will never get rid of it, and Slade has been nothing but supportive of me keeping the ring and continuing to wear it. I realized watching this episode that I was going to be damned no matter what I did. If I went dress shopping, if I didn’t go dress shopping. If I had a blue ring or the ring from Jeff on. If my dress was pink or red. it didn’t matter they were clearly gunning for me.

I am still confused why “Cheeseburger Gate” was even a discussion again. As far as I knew, it was over and done with. Lydia knows full well that Slade apologized to her in front of both Doug and I. Slade said he meant no harm by it and it was actually meant to be more of a compliment than as a dig. Doug even said to Slade that he and Lydia joke around all the time about stuff like that and he was confused why she took such offense. What I don’t like is that Lydia accepted the apology that night, said she understood he was kidding, yet she still felt the need to gossip about it and claim it was dirty in the limo ride. I’m confused about that one. What is even more mind boggling is that Tamra and Vicki seem to have a memory lapse when it comes to all the horrible and public things they claimed about Slade and the reason he ever felt the need to say anything about them. They bashed him for years and when he finally decided to respond in a comedy routine by saying “Hey girls you constantly say things in the press about me, well look what’s in the press about you.”

Now they are on this bandwagon of saying he does nothing but talk poorly about women. Newsflash: Tamra and Vicki you do not represent all women.
Let’s make this point clear: his issues have been with Tamra and Vicki, specifically not all women. His comments were only about them, personally, not about women as a whole. Seven hundred thousand women a day listened to his radio show and if he was truly a “woman basher” then those women sure wouldn’t listen or stay tuned in.

As I stated last year, I didn’t condone him making fun of them. I was mad at Slade for making comments about them in his routine and I told him at the salsa party he hurt Lydia’s feelings and he needed to apologize. However I will not allow these women to take a very specific comment about them and turn it into a generic statement that he bashes all women. It just simply is not the case.

At first I thought I regretted questioning Tamra’s behavior at the salsa party, because it created conflict between us. But now seeing how truly two-faced she was, I don’t regret that I was authentic to my feelings. I knew something in my heart was not matching up, so I decided to just address it head on. However now seeing the episode,I regret that I once again didn’t listen to my concerns and that I set aside potential opportunities to be a good friend to Tamra because sadly it’s not a two-way street. It’s beyond hurtful doing what I thought was right by my friend only opened the door for me to get ridiculed behind my back, lied to, and accused of lying. I find myself constantly getting hurt by these women even when I try to open my heart up again and again to them.

Because of all the things Tamra had been negatively saying about Alexis and the way she felt about her at that time you can imagine how flabbergasted I was watching what I thought was bold face lies to Alexis in the dressing room. I wish I knew that was going down because I would have walked right in and showed her all the text messages from that week that showed a different sentiment. Then hearing Vicki tell Alexis that Tamra was sticking up for her to me was a joke and the furthest thing from the truth! As the saying goes, if you want to tell lies about me then I will start telling the truth about you.

Now let’s be clear on one thing, bottom line is that it was Tamra’s day and whoever she wanted there was up to her and I would never tell her who she could of or couldn’t have with her. I am not that kind of person. If I was, don’t you think I would have made a big stink about Vicki coming to the bachelorette party? I have had more issues with her then I ever had with Alexis. It just doesn’t match up. One thing I will not do though is sit silently and be played and then accused of things that simply were not the case. As much as everyone wants to try and play it this way, it had nothing to do with jealousy or not wanting Alexis and Tamra to be friends. We are all adults and everyone can be friends with everyone or whoever they damn well please! It had nothing to do with that it had everything to do with Tamra not being honest with me and feeling like I was being played.

Over the years I have been accused of a lot of things by these woman: cheating accusations, not wanting each other to be friends, conspiracy, lying, just to name a few. So let’s review some of these accusations: One: I was actually encouraging Tamra way back at Heather’s clambake to be nice to Vicki and talk to her, so how is that not wanting them to be friends? And you have never once seen me say to Tamra not to be friends with Alexis (I only questioned why she was saying one thing to me and doing another) Two: I was told that Slade was with me for the wrong reasons and that he and I have conspired our whole relationship just for the show -- yet four years later we are strong as ever. Three: I was accused of lying and not being offered a job with Fox Five, which I proved was true with proof at the reunion last year. Now this year I am being accused of making up that I got asked to participate in Malibu Country. Well all I have to say is stay tuned! I’ve learned with this group never say something you don’t have to ability to prove, because at some point you are sure to get questioned about it.

Many have asked if I was surprised about this thing with Tamra, and the truth is yes and no. I was very hopeful it would not revert to this with us again because I felt like we really had something good going. We had regained trust. We had built what I thought was a true friendship. But is seems as soon as outside influences start getting in her ear she questions everything about me and everything she knows in her heart I had been to her. She did it before and so I’m not surprised she is doing it again. Remember this was over six months ago and things have changed since then. We have talked through a lot of things that happened, however that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt to see what she was saying about me.

It’s hard to watch these episodes and have emotions stirred up about some of the Wives. For instance Slade and I consider Heather and Terry good friends of ours. We really do adore them and believe they are sincerely happy for us. However I will say that it really took me by surprise and hurt me to hear Heather questioning me and say I either got something colossally confused or that I lied. There would be no good reason to lie about something like this and especially to Heather who is in the business.

I also can’t help but find it a little strange that two days earlier on the way to the salsa party when I told her I had been called about Malibu Country she failed to tell me she was also talking to them about a part. I would think as my friend she would say, “Oh how cool that we both might be doing something on the same show.” But instead she did not say one word to me in the car ride. Then when I asked her the night before if she was driving in the limo to Tamra’s dress shopping day she said no because she had an appointment in the morning, once again failing to tell me it was for Malibu Country.

I personally would have never gone to an audition or table read and then discussed something Heather told me with the producers. Quite frankly I think it was unprofessional and inappropriate, and I felt it was done behind my back. If she got information from producers that were different from casting and my agent then she should have come to me to discuss it or at least allowed me to defend myself or give my point of view in front of all the ladies. As Lydia and Lauri pointed out it was not cool to have that conversation with all the woman without me there to defend myself.

As I continued to watch the show, I became even more baffled because, as a friend, I would have hoped she would've not only told me from the get-go that she was talking to them -- but if she knew the producers then I thought she would've even said something like ,“Hey, I’ve worked with them before. I’ll put in a good word for you.” I mean it’s not like we were even competing for the same part. When my agent called she said “They want you to play yourself.” And Heather clearly made it known that we were asked about different roles. The entire situation was very disappointing to me, and created what I felt was unnecessary conflict between Heather and I and the rest of the women.

I was relieved to see that at least Lauri and Lydia stuck up for me. I would expect that from Lauri, because we have always been on good terms. But I was surprised and happy about Lydia because up to this point we hadn’t really had that much of a connection. I sincerely appreciated that. Lauri clarifying that Vicki accusing me of being a liar is ridiculous considering everything she has been lying about for years, goes to prove once again Vicki will do anything to deflect something off herself. It was crazy to see how desperate she was to have everyone believe I was a liar. It just continued to make me realize how truly malicious and hateful she is towards me.

It’s always so hard to go back to these feelings months later and rehash the hurt and pain you remember dealing with back then and having emotions stirred up from what is now our pasts. I feel like a lot has changed since then, truths have been realized, things have been discussed and some relationships have been restored. I have learned to keep my heart a little more protected. Good news is every week I learn a lot more watching the show.

Now I want to address a ridiculous question I keep getting asked on social media which is: “Now that it seems like the tables have turned with Tamra again, are you sad you dumped Alexis for Tamra?” Well let’s get something straight: I never dumped anyone for anyone. Each of my relationships with the women has nothing to do with another friendship that I might or might not have. It is simply based off my experience with that individual. I choose to step back from the friendship with Alexis for many reasons, none of which had anything to do with Tamra or my friendship with her. Alexis and my relationship will not be dependent on whether I am friends with someone or not. It will be dependent on her and I working out our differences, end of story.

I do not regret trusting Tamra again and building a friendship -- because I had to in order to try and move forward with her. I learned a lot more about her and why she does the things she does this season, a lot of which I realized has nothing to do with me. So honestly that has been helpful. I would have never known those things had we not gotten close enough for her to feel like she could share it with me. I have wanted nothing but the best for Tamra and I was so disheartened to hear what she had struggled with most of her life. However in a strange way it sincerely helped understand her better and helped me not take things so personally.

I do not regret stepping back from the friendship with Alexis because I needed to for my own heart to heal from some things I have never spoke about on camera that happened between us. Of course I am sad it went so south with us, and I hate ever losing any friendship because it is never easy on my heart, but it was what was best for me at the time.

As I watched this episode it just reminded me how truly grateful I am for my dearest of friends and the people who have never questioned my integrity, my true intentions, or my heart. I’m OK with a friend pointing something out to me that is hurting them or questioning something that they heard differently, etc. But once those friends give me the chance to express where I am coming from, they realize it wasn’t as it seemed and we move forward. That’s what true friends do. I am not perfect and I will make mistakes and accidentally hurt my friend’s feelings. I will do something stupid that I regret or realize I shouldn’t have done, but what matters are the people who truly know your heart and believe in the good in you no matter your mistakes. Between my amazing family and friends, I have that, and I am truly blessed.
We are headed to our family home in Bass Lake and I look forward to spending time with my family and friends. A week of relaxation and rebalance is very much needed. I wish you all a safe and happy holiday full of laughter and love.

Till next time keep in touch with me via my social media pages or personal website (GretchenChristine.com), Twitter (@gretchenrossi), Instagram (gretchenchristine1) or Facebook (/gretchenrossi). As always love hearing from you.

Shannon Settles the Score

This is Blog #20, my last Blog for the season! The past year was been a wild ride for both me and for my family. I have come to many realizations about myself, made lifelong friends, experienced some tough moments, and embarked on a path to a more peaceful self. So to use Andy’s phrase, “What's the score, Shannon Beador?” I would say without a doubt that I have definitely won.

I am happy that the viewers got a little glimpse into my sometimes unconventional ways! For me, it's all about good energy. I love that Vicki’s business has clearly benefited from trying feng shui with Elaine Wright. If you can't get hurt, there is no reason to try anything holistic. If you actually benefit, why wouldn't anyone want to go the natural way? If my children tend to feel better after seeing Dr. Moon and not have to take antibiotics, then I am a happy mom. It's all about creating a healthy balance!

I am an open book and am often criticized for it, but I am who I am. I don't know many couples married for 13 years that have a perfect relationship. Everyone has ups and downs, and although it may be difficult and require effort, it is possible to move through it and make things better. I have said it many times in the season that divorce is not an option. I will always fight for my marriage and my family. It truly touches my heart that so many fans have been and continue to root for David and I. I am so appreciative and grateful for all of your positive comments! Thank you!

Do Tamra and Heather truly want to move forward and potentially develop a friendship with me? Only time will tell. But for now, I have amazing friends surrounding me, including Vicki Gunvalson and Lizzie Rovsek. And most importantly, I have been blessed with the most incredible family anyone could ask for. That is where all of my energy is focused.

I will never forget this entire year, both the good and the bad, because each moment took me on the journey to where I am today. And today, I am in a phenomenal and happy place. Thank you for taking this journey with me!