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Saturday, December 24, 2011

Tis’ the Season

Being that the holidays are upon us, we asked what you’d like for Christmas (or Hanukkah). 11 of you sounded off. 5 extremely intelligent people would like find the TBB Christmas Album in their stocking this year. We don’t blame you. It’s pretty epic. The symphony of our voices alone is enough to make you weep. We pretty much rival Josh Groban. Nevermind the powerful, poetic lyrics. Those’ll kill you. No one voted for management, money, hair (really? none of you are bald and wishing for a luscious full head of hair that can be compared to Tim Lincecum’s), alcohol (sorry, the lack of enthusiasm for this option is just flabbergasting), $1 hot dogs (don’t blame you on this one), and a prosthetic limb. 2 people voted for offense and 1 voted for sex, which could technically be interpreted as the same thing if your minds are as dirty as ours are. Regardless, we support both of these options! We’re glad you have your priorities on track. Lastly, each of these options earned 1 vote apiece: a Red Ryder BB gun, pitching, and Malibu Barbie. Only 1 of you wants pitching this year??? In the severe pitching drought that baseball community is suffering from this offseason, we were sure that more of you would be clamoring for some hot shot pitcher to bolster your rotation. Well, except for Cliff Lee since he’s so confident that the pitching staff he is a part of is destined to be “legen…wait for it…dary.”

Outfielder Jason Kubel and the Arizona Diamondbacks have agreed on a 2-year deal worth $15 million. So it really does seem that Twins have no plans to retain anyone. What the hell is going on over there in the Midwest? Kubel saved Serena’s butt late in the fantasy season when she picked him up for Tigers Love Pepper because Nick Swisher was doing nothing but taking large dumps at the plate. We could only assume that Kubel will do for the Diamondbacks what he did for Tigers Love Pepper.

The Mets have finally done something. On Monday, the Mets signed reliever Frank Francisco (really, Mr. and Mrs. Francisco? What are you? A pair of a-holes? You couldn’t give the man a better first name to compliment Francisco?) to a 2-year deal reportedly worth $12 million. In 2011, Francisco went 1-4 with 17 saves and a 3.55 ERA in 54 games with the Blue Jays.

The MLB has released this year’s candidates for the 2012 Hall of Fame ballot. ESPN.com’s Jim Caple has voiced displeasure at the underwhelming choice of candidates, but there is one bright spot in the list…at least for Serena. Bernie Williams!!! Of the ballot’s first-timers that are under consideration, Caple predicts that Bernie is the only player that will earn the 5% necessary to qualify him for the 2013 ballot. Here’s what Caple had to say about Bernie:

“Finally, we get someone who merits serious Cooperstown consideration. Williams was a four-time Gold Glove-winning center fielder on the Yankees' four World Series champions, batted .297 with a .381 on-base percentage for his career, hit .300 eight times, won a batting title, scored 1,366 runs, drove in 1,257 more and appeared in October prime time more often than promos for the Simpsons' "Treehouse of Horror" while driving in a record 80 postseason runs. He'll probably finish just shy for me, but I'll continue to consider him based just on his great "Seinfeld'' appearance, when he asked George, then the Yankees' assistant traveling secretary, ‘Are you the one who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?’”

Other first-timers are Jeromy Burnitz (who shouldn’t be allowed into the Hall of Fame simply because his parents were a-holes who apparently didn’t know how to spell the name Jeremy), Vinny Castilla, Brian Jordan, Javy Lopez (who’d be a sexy, sexy addition to the Hall of Fame…DAMN), Bill Mueller, Terry Mulholland, Phil Nevin, Brad Radke, Tim Salmon, Ruben Sierra, Tony Womack, and Eric Young.

We hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday! Drink up, eat cookies, and don’t punch any annoying relatives. We don’t care how badly you may want to