In this make-believe universe, the only “ally” — by virtue of a tenuous treaty not worth the paper it was written on — would be … Cuba.

This is not how we live, so any apples-to-apples comparison between the United States and Israel is more like apples-to-meatloaf.

To a thinking person, that is.It seems NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre is not in the habit of putting thoughts behind his words, and — like the guy who doesn’t know when to speak and when to shut up — that makes him a fool.

And in the wake of the tragedy in Newtown, Conn., our grieving nation should have been in the mood to suffer this fool when he came out of hiding a week ago today and went on the offensive about defending a way of life that is only going to lead to more death.

LaPierre cited Israel, a country that lives in a heightened state of alert — due to the fact that it really is surrounded by enemies — save a faux ally in Egypt – as proof positive that the right to bear arms is essential in conquering our fears.

The problem was that LaPierre was, well, wrong.

In his nonsensical assertion that schools should have armed guards – you know, like Columbine did in 1999 – it would follow the example set by Israel, which allegedly cut down on school shootings once it posted armed guards.

On NBC’s “Meet The Press” he said: “Israel had a whole lot of school shootings until they did one thing: They said, ‘We’re going to stop it,’ and they put armed security in every school and they have not had a problem since then.”

It would have been an interesting, and intriguing point, if it were … oh, I don’t know … uh … true?

Israel, due to its unique scenario, has trained armed guards posted outside of all public buildings — schools included.

Despite its status as the most despised country the world — the one none of its neighbors will “recognize” as existing — Israel has had a grand total of two school shootings in the last 40 years.

And neither involved a mentally ill loner acting out his vengeance on the world.

They are politically motivated.

In 1974, in an attempt to free imprisoned brothers at arms, Palestinian terrorists took more than 100 people hostage at a school and 25 people (22 children) died.

In 2008, a Palestinian assailant seized upon a group of teens at a study session and left eight dead before he was gunned down himself by an off-duty soldier.

Yigal Palmor, a spokesperson for the Israeli Foreign Ministry, responded to LaPierre’s assertion: “We didn’t have a series of school shootings, and they had nothing to do with the issue at hand in the United States. We had to deal with terrorism. It would be better not to drag Israel into what is an internal American discussion.”

And that internal discussion, if it does turn to other countries with cultures more similar to ours, might be better served to use Australia as a GPS out of this mess.

The Aussies, who like to fashion themselves after we “Yanks,” had 13 mass shootings in 18 years before a 1996 law banning semi-automatic weapons.

The law has been in full effect for 14 years and there have been zero — zero — mass shootings since in the land down under.

Here, we have had 16 just in 2012 alone.

What will 2013 bring — change, more of the same or worse?

Former Australian deputy prime minister Tim Fischer told the New York Times that he has spoken with US politicians — our leaders — and they “can’t get their minds” around banning assault weapons.

He added: “It is sad that the death toll from guns is horrific in the USA because there are so many millions of guns with so little cross-checking, character checking … A ban on assault weapons (has) been allowed to largely expire through a lack of willpower to stand up to the National Rifle Association (NRA) and the nonsense too often spoken by the NRA.”

Nonsense?Like the NRA tall tale about gun laws in Israel, where there is a ban on assault rifles and where there are 12 times less guns per capita?

It is almost impossible to believe that LaPierre — hidden away in his bunker plotting spin control in the wake of the Newtown massacre — emerged so unprepared or willing to adhere to the belief that the bigger the lie, the more people will believe it.

Hitler said that, and we don’t want to compare the man to Hitler, so let’s just say he gets an F on his homework and leave it at that.

While there is compulsory military service in Israel, meaning that just about every adult citizen knows how to operate a firearm, shootouts in the street – like the spate of those currently happening here in Norristown — almost never occur.

Why?Could it be because Israeli law does not guarantee the right to bear arms?

Something for thinking people to think about.

Gordon Glantz is the managing editor of The Times Herald. Contact him at gglantz@timesherald.com or at 610-272-2501, ext. 212. Follow him on Twitter @Managing2Edit.