You're sitting in bed with all the world's NyQuil, a mug of lukewarm tea in your hand, while drunk "I wissshhhh you were here I love you so much!!!!" texts fill your phone. "Hot guy twerkin all up on meeee [insert nonsensical emoticon here]." At least you have an excuse for not getting twerked on by hotties.

2) Friend's on a date while you're not FOMO.

And then she's going to tell you all about it, and even if it was terrible you'll still be annoyed that she got a good bad date story out of her night while you got nothing but box wine drunk out of yours.

When you show up to work or a party and someone else there is wearing something way more awesome than you and you wished you had either a)tried harder or b)tried harder to look like you didn't try.

6) Bonus FOMO.

When your friends all get end-of-year bonuses but you don't because you work in a "creative" field. And you tell them, "But I enjoy my work," and they're like "LOL $15k in the bank!" and you want to punch them.

Occurs on any night that involves lots of planning if you want to go clubbing, like Halloween or New Year's Eve. These days — semi-insignificant holiday (well, Halloween's not a holiday, but details) — are supposed to be wonderful and fun and involve kissing gorgeous people. Yet they are always miserable except for like 12 people who will be on social media about it all night. No matter how you plan or envision your night, it inevitably ends with wine and chocolate and the wrong person.

Because any time people put on fashionable hippie clothes and take drugs at music festivals they have to Instagram all night about it just to make everyone who's not doing what they're doing feel inferior. Is that what's happening there?

When you are at home consuming four kinds of cheese and all the alcohol and your roommate walks in wearing Lululemon leggings sipping a green juice. This is the reason you're struggling after ten minutes on the treadmill, you think. (I care the least about this FOMO, though, because why would you ever give up bacon cheeseburgers and anything with icing on it?)

Because people only talk about sex if they want to brag about it. Or lie about it. So everyone acts like they're always doing it. Oh well — there's always Scandal to tie you over until a real man comes along.