Neftali Feliz

Derek Fisher was called up by the Astros to replace the concussed Reddick. First off, Derek needs to stop singing that jingle, “Trust the Astros Fisher, man.” Tres annoying. Saying tres instead of very is tres annoying, too. Fisher was hoping Reddick was some combination of reddish and haddock. “Get that seaweed out of my face!” That’s Nori Aoki. Everyone in MLB is happy for Fisher except this guy. If you thought Strickland-Harper was something… Sorry, for Derek Fisher, that was a layup. As for fantasy, Fisher has power and speed, has had strikeout issues, but no worse than Bellinger. He could be a difference maker if he plays 75%+ of the time. One of the best guys in the minors this year. Better on power than speed, inefficient as a runner. Yes, PCL, but MLB is kinda PCL-like nowadays. Might outproduce Brinson, though Fisher needs to stick in a job for that. Yesterday, he went 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his first home run, and I think Fisher is for reel, and not just on the casting couch. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jeurys Familia has been diagnosed with a clogged artery in his right shoulder. Do the Met doctors have Waze? Try the Van Wyck Artery. You know what’s happening here, right? This is Metsferatu, the evil spirit who haunts Mets pitching. Metsferatu was not happy about the Taillon news, only he sidelines pitchers! Metsferatu looks at back cover of the Post and Daily News, plotting his next move, “What if I give Gsellman a third testicle? Or two horns that pop out of his forehead so people can call him Gazelleman? Maybe I go hitter and turn Neil Walker into a zombie. Will anyone notice? I mean, I had them replace a guy with Valley Fever with a guy named dude-a and no one said a damn thing.” So, Jeurys Familia could be out a while, or not at all. Still early to say, but I would absolutely grab Addison Reed. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Astros corner infielder Yulieski Gurriel continues to mash going 3-for-4 with 2 runs, his second home run and two RBI. Opposing pitchers be like, why you all up in my Gurriel, Yuli? When you’re on fire and everyone knows you’re flame. The Gurriel is hot, where da burgers and dogs at? Dude is hitting .436 (17-for-39) over the past two weeks with 7 runs, 2 homers and 6 RBI. Sure he hit just .260 with 3 homers and 15 RBI in 36 games last year with Houston, but he ALSO hit .500 with 15 homers in 50 games in Cuba in 2016 which are the better stats that I will cherry-pick for the purposes of this blurb. I’m just saying it’s not like this success is coming out of nowhere. He’s a good Gurriel and he knows it, and he’s batting 6th in a stacked Houston lineup. If we take a look at some of the advanced metrics (NERD!), the .371 BABIP may unsustainable, but fantasy is about riding streaks and Yuli Gurriel is a hot little potato right now. Grey told you to BUY and he’s available in about 75% of leagues. Pick him up you only Yuli once! Whoa, now that’s two Drake references in the same lede. That’s how you know it’s going to be a good day!

Amir Garrett, or as he’s commonly referred to as, Muslim Mrs. Garrett, took Natalie, Jo, Blair, Tootie and that little white kid, who no one remembers, to school last night. Muslim Mrs. Garrett was like, “Listen, child, I’m your boss while you’re in this park and I’m going to rule over you with sweet motherly affection, but an iron fist like you get from a male Gulag prisoner.” Yesterday, he straight dazzled — 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 1.83. MMG is so out of nowhere I feel like we need to start at the beginning. He was born– Okay, flash forward Lost-style and they’re off the island and Garrett is a former basketball player, so his age isn’t as old as it seems for his development level. I think because of that he could also sneak up on people. His control gets wonky at times, and he doesn’t read as a strikeout pitcher, but there he was doing just that last night. He could surprise some people, but A) Reds and their ballpark. B) Rookie. C) There’s no C. To take this back to 80’s sitcoms, there could be some Boners along the way through Growing Pains, but I’d grab him if you feel like Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, or can just handle the risk. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

It was right in front of our faces and we ignored it. No one said the obvious. The elephant in the room. We all should have known that we were getting fooled by the A’s because we trusted a Melvin. A Melvin! After years of hoodwinking by Upton, we now get the reflexive of this, and are getting bobbed. Predictably, the A’s manager has made a real hash of the bullpen situation already, and we only sit four games into the season. I get his mentality in some states, because you want your best pitcher pitching to the best players in the opposing lineups and yadda, yadda, yadda. But this is fantasy baseball sir. We don’t have the time or social skills warranted to be able to deal with this type stuff. So for those of you living on a house boat with no wifi, the A’s bullpen usage is a flummoxed up mess with no one to trust. It’s like November 23rd, 1963 in Dallas, Texas type of questioning everything. Madson was the presumed closer and he has been treated as the go to guy for getting the tough outs. Twice against the middle of the order which included a Trout named outfielder. Then the first day went to Santiago Casilla, then the next day to Ryan Dull. But the things that boggles the mind is set orders here. I get that it is early and mixing and matching is cool like millennials do with socks now, but we need some kind of pecking order for rostering-type priorities. I can’t deal with this madness, I am going to alphabetize my canned goods. In the mean time, check out the closer menu, now with a deal on salads.

Yaisel Puig‘s home runs are so effortless they’re like Billie Jean King and Billy Dee Williams only needing to say, “40-love?” to hook up with a girl in the 70s.

Somewhere, Ashton Kutcher is struggling to come off as smart. He is exerting more energy than Yasiel Puig on his home runs. When Yasiel Puig is in El Zono Loco, pitchers should be chicken. When Puig is locked in, he looks as good as all the Cuban graphic novels that were written about him in Fidelphia. Of course, just as quickly as Puig gets everyone’s hopes up, he collapses under his own hype. He’s a (ba)con artist? I’d absolutely own Puig right now that he has three homers in two games (2-for-3, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and a double slam (3) and legs (1) yesterday), but I wouldn’t be surprised if by May he’s back to disappointing. (By the way, the pitch speed on that homer is 78 MPH. HAHAHAHAHAHA– Oh my God, I can’t breathe! Member that old timey film of Bob Feller throwing faster than a speeding motorcycle? They should have Weaver go against a speed-walking senior citizen.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

True story: I was walking through the mall in spandex shorts and a headband, strutting really. The year was 1981. I was perhaps the most handsome, well-groomed five-year-old the planet had seen. Okay, a seven-year-old pretending to be a five-year-old. Who wants to be older? Not me, Cousin Sweatpants. So, I’m cruising for chicks, crushing the scenario, when I see this total fox. I stop her and ask for a name. She says, “Jennifer Beals,” and I say, “You’re gonna be a star, kid,” then covering my mouth I say how her fame will be short-lived but how she will get some decent character work later in life. I spotted her sex appeal two years prior to her breakout role in Flashdance. I can always spot sex appeal. It’s my cross to bear. Speaking of crosses to bear, holy Jesus Harry Christ my Tout Wars team is sexy! The league is 12-team, two-catcher, NL-Only and perhaps the most respected fantasy league in the country. Sure, we’re still mocked by 99.9% of the world, but a solid chunk of other fantasy baseballers respect the Tout! Anyway, here’s my Tout Wars team and some thoughts:

I think this will conclude this year’s rankings for all players, but with the way closer roles can change between now and Spring Training, finishing will be bountiful. There seems to be a big difference among experts in the top-10, and I am no different. Also, the bottom tiers for the rankings are a “wait and see” proposition, as there are easily 7-8 teams with a closer by committee situation, or at best, a closer who is a retread of a retread. Everyone knows who you are Fernando, you don’t have to stand up and raise your hand or shoot an arrow fictitiously at me. So as we approach draft season and beyond, use this list for now, because the situations will be fluid from here on out. As I promised two weeks ago, you will get a new list every two weeks, with a holds post (no it won’t be in different color for people who just skip the preface of an article) in betwix. Get excited folks! Spring is sorta here, and with that comes all of Grey’s rankings, my closer and bullpen stuff, and basically every tool under the sun to help you be the best you can be. Now get out there and win one for Flipper!

That is probably the worst word when it comes to drafting or even trusting in a reliever in a bullpen for fantasy. The guy could be a tax evader, steal lollipops from kids, or never wash his hands after using the lavatory. It still wouldn’t matter, the stigma of being placed into a committee is just awful come draft day. This happens every year when bullpens usually light on talent get paired down to barely usable pieces, or when players return from injury and are an unsure thing. Then again, you get a weird situation like that in Cleveland… It’s very familiar to last year’s draft day conundrum with that of the Yankees. Both Cody Allen and Andrew Miller are draftable and draft worthy within the first 150 picks or so. That number increases for players in “Net Saves” and Holds leagues, because they will steal from each other but on the positive end, one will get a hold and the other the save, and vice versa. The only problem is that Cleveland, after being in the World Series, is a hot button team and both players have some helium to their names, Miller especially. So drafting both is a good idea, stats-wise, but bad for team building it’s structure in other areas. So my best advice is to look elsewhere, yes the stealing thing I mentioned helps you in leagues that contain Holds, but in leagues that don’t, it could be a sticky situation of frustration over saves. Last year down the stretch, Miller wasn’t the closer very frequently. Allen steered that ship. This year, I think the secondary stats: K’s, ERA, WHIP, will all be there, but the counting stats will be split. And since I talk about saves and holds, I am most definitely referencing the saves here. So with their respective rankings spread between 100-130 for both guys, I think the best offense, or with a committee situation, is to grab someone ranked in same neighborhood guys like Ken Giles and Kelvin Herrera. You may thank me later, but I do occasionally deserve the bird. So instead of just going into the rankings this far into preseason, here is a cool little chart for you to reference. I will update this chart all preseason and will add some sleeper posts for both closers and holds. So enjoy my friends!

Imagine the Cubs decided to use Lester, Hendricks, Hammel and Lackey in the playoffs, and not Jake Arrieta. Not sure it would be the wrong move either. Arrieta isn’t just out of gas, he’s on a late-70s gas station line, cursing Jimmy Carter. He’s eaten six Chalupas and a Pintos ‘n Cheese from Taco Bell, washed it down with a 16-ounce Coke, and can’t produce any gas. He’s staying at a Marriott in Saudi Arabia where OPEC is meeting and all hotel guests get a complimentary barrel of petroleum and Arrieta can’t produce any gas. Yesterday, Arrieta went 5 IP, 7 ER and his ERA went up to 3.10. About five months ago, I said Arrieta doesn’t look right. I said it around the time of his no-hitter. That took some pants grapes. What’s funny (not funny) when you’re super early at calling something out, people write you off as cuckoo in the coconut. On April 29th, I said, “It’s hard to find a positive when you take this year’s numbers vs. last year’s (of Arrieta). Velocity is down, K-rate is down, walk rate is up, xFIP is up, luck is up, homers are up, ground balls are down and fly balls are up. It’s like looking under a Maserati’s hood and seeing a Mercedes engine. It’s not bad, but it’s not a Maserati.” And that’s me quoting me! On May 9th, I said, “Not to sound like a broken record, but his peripherals just haven’t been as good as last year thus far.” And that’s me quoting me sounding like a broken record! I continued to say more or less the same for a few months, then SUDDENLY everyone else started saying it. For 2017, I picture Arrieta being drafted a lot like Felix Hernandez in the preseason this year. People are concerned, but he’s so good, they’re still drafting Arrieta around 60th overall. Yeah, and it won’t work out either. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball: