Scholes, who has started the new campaign in superb form, has still not fully recovered and Fergie said: "There's no problem with his vision as such but there is a slight haziness in the centre of his eye.

The visual inspection only gave a subjective feeling for the level of haziness, a quantitative measurement could be obtained by measuring the opacity in a spectro-photometer designed to handle microtiter plates.

But it was my total inability to understand whatever Canon Phelan was muttering and the inevitable haziness of my responses that kept me from shining, from drawing the sort of admiring whoops from the Children of Mary in the front pews that Gareth Gates gets from his pre-pubescent fans.

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