1.color>size> Believe the handwritten signs plastered everywhere that read: "THIS CITY HAS JUST PASSED A LAW DECLARING ALL BEACHES AND POOL MANDATORILY TOPLESS."

2.color>size> The boardwalk of shame.

3.color>size> Pick up crabs — and we don't mean the kind that walk sideways on the beach.

4.color>size> Pole-dance with a tiki torch and no underwear — has Lindsay taught you nothing?

5.color>size> Put your signature on anything official-looking. This includes a marriage license, any kind of reality-show release form, or the signup sheet for the Skankiest Wet T-Shirt Ho of Spring Break 2013 Competition.

6.color>size> Update Twitter every time you take a shot of tequila — by the end of the night, you'll be left with a ton of confused followers and a sticky keypad. Also, drunk.

7.color>size> Be frustrated that you don't look like a Victoria's Secret Angel in your bikini. Those girls are heaven-sent genetic freaks.

8.color>size> Reenact pretty much anything that happens in Spring Breakers, including but not limited to robbing a chicken shack, spending a night in jail, or hooking up with James Franco.