Thursday, April 7, 2016

When we parents hear the word ‘HomeWork’, all we can imagine is our nasty kids who refuse to complete the loads of homework given to them by their schools. How often do we ever think about ourselves? Our own parenting skills? Our own learning and homework which we have to do before taking up the responsibility bringing a child into this world and making him/her a part of our society? Never, right?

From the time I remember, I have been a very confident person. My clubfoot never succeeded in affecting my confidence levels. The only time I felt nervous with no sign of confidence to be seen anywhere was when the doctor declared I was pregnant. Could I be a good parent? Will I do justice to the role of mother I was about to play? I was not sure.

I had seen how my parents had messed up with my future since they had no clue about my aspirations nor did they plan for my future. I aspired to be an astrophysicist, but my parents had not done their homework and were not ready to have their girl sent into the field of science, that too with a weird name like Astrophysics. The main agenda on my Moms mind was to get me a life by finding me a husband. She succeeded, thus bringing an end to my dream of becoming an Astrophysicist. When parents do not understand children’s aspirations or make right plan for child’s future, they may end up killing beautiful dreams even without knowing it.

I have no regrets or remorse now since I did complete my education later in my life and ended up being a psychologist and Life-skill trainer. Neither do I blame my parents, since they did what they thought was best for me because they loved me.

Yet, my experience had taught me that even when we love our child wholeheartedly we may not do the right things for him/her since we are not trained to be parents. We take our role of parenting for granted and do what we think is good for our child.

I decided to start working towards being a better parent for my child. My first step was to buy a book ‘Bringing Up Baby’ by Dr. Nandini Mundkur and read it thoroughly. Also I started consulting her for guidance. When my son was born, I took help from counselling centers and experts to guide me be a good mother to him.

The bigger challenge came with my second child with special needs. This was a challenge that required me not just to do my homework but sit through numerous exams and tests every day. I trusted my instincts and love for my children a lot, but I did not depend on it. All through my life, I took help, guidance and advice from people who were experts. They were counselors, journalists, doctors and many other professionals who offered their help readily.

My parents realized later that LIFE does not happen as we plan for our children. I was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3 at the age of 29. It was a huge financial, emotional and physical struggle for me to overcome the ordeal. This was the time my parents felt it would have been good if they had made me financially independent and strong woman.

I took care to see that my struggles and setbacks would have no effect on the future of my children. With all the efforts you would assume that I did perfect parenting for my children. Unfortunately, that did not happen. I bungled up when time came for my son to choose his career. He wanted to be an animator, but my husband wanted him to be a computer engineer. He was forced to take up computer science which he was forced to take up. Though he tried to fulfill the wishes of his father, he realized that he did not want to do it forever in his life as a career. His passion lay with Animation and creative work. So, after completing his diploma, I supported him to take up animation and pursue his dream career. Finally, I rectified my mistake and he is quite successful Animator today, taking baby steps in a career he pursues with a passion.

With my daughter, I did the mistake of taking her to Byndoor, our native village. We stayed there for 10 years and lost some of the good special education and training she would have received in a place like Bangalore. I did not have the financial independence to make my choice or stand by my decisions, but I constantly worked towards it and achieved my goal finally. Farheena was in a very good special school in Bangalore and now works at a vocational center for people with special needs. Though she earns a small amount, I feel so proud that she is an earning member of our family today. She is also ardent stylist who creates Scrapbooks on Limeroad in her spare time.

I am glad that I got second chance not only at life by surviving cancer for nearly 2 decades but also at parenting where I could rectify my mistakes and give my children a future they deserve and want for themselves.

Not many would get this second chance. So, “Do Your Homework” and be ready for parenting challenges. Today, educated parents can understand the needs of their child and career options in a better way. Many corporate and other organizations run campaigns, conduct workshops and organize events to create awareness among parents regarding the emotional, educational and financial needs of their children.

I am quite impressed with the unique concept of Do Your Homework Campaign which helps parents to get on the same page with their kids when it comes to making decision about their future. Today's world has innumerable career choices for our future generation, without doing our homework, we would not be on the page as our kids. It is tough when our dreams crumble as our child announces he/she has different plans and does not intend to follow the dream we dreamed for him/her. Once we toughen ourselves for this reality and accept it gracefully, the biggest hurdle is overcome.

The webpage also has a simple test for parents to determine whether they are capable of teaching their kids not just to dream big, but also change their dreams into reality.

Let our children be who they are....

What is homework without fun when you are with kids? Find some exclusivefun things which you can choose for your children for download here. Let them explore their creativity and try out something new while you do your homework.

Even when we get on the same page as our kids, it is not easy to help them achieve their dreams, since education does not come cheap anymore. We need to make investments in various ELSS or other mutual funds to be ready for our children’s higher education. The toughest part would be to accept that your child may not want to follow your dream. They have their own dream to realize which may be completely different from what you had for your child. Be emotionally ready to accept this gracefully and support your child in following the path where their dreams leads them to.

Don't dream big for your children, instead help them turn their dreams into reality.