the end was just the beginning

Menu

My week: judged and found wanting

Last week had its demoralizing moments. I won’t bore you with all the details … unless you feel inclined to buy me a wine while I whine …

Not feeling “good enough” has been a rather unhelpful soundtrack during most of my life. Sensible me knows it’s not true. Loopy me … not so much.

Ironically, it’s an allegation that gets thrown back at me – I make people feel nothing they do is “good enough” for me.

I’ve no idea why I’m so hard on myself and others.

One of my latest “fails” has been with my eldest daughter. She’s accused me of not listening … quite a few times. And she’s right – I’ve completely missed numerous things she’s said because I’ve been busy negotiating traffic, cooking dinner, tidying up … or texting.

It’s been a bit of a metaphorical punch in the stomach, because the eldest likes to keep her own counsel. So, if she’s actually said something to me I really ought to have listened.

It made me feel slightly better when my ex admitted – as we traipsed through the rain at Vivid on Friday night – that she says the same thing to him. I was sure my confession would be given a long “disappointing mother” stare.

My new life continues to be a one-step-forward-two-steps-back dance. I keep wanting to steer away from choppy waters and sail smoothly for a while, but my destiny doesn’t seem to be a quiet life.