I've dated one INTP and I had a long-term relationship which turned into a lifelong friendship with an ENTP. In both cases, we had a really strong intellectual bond. Great conversations.

Personally, I find that women I enjoy as friends are the same women I'd enjoy as lovers. Romantic/sexual spark is a separate factor for sure, but good lovers are definitely a subset of "would be good as friends".

I have trouble even being friends with people who seem like they're probably INTP's. (All of you are a dark secret I keep to myself--I rarely even indicate that I've heard of MBTI in meatspace company, although it's happened more often lately, so roughly everyone I know gets put into a probable-type category but I don't ask them to take a test.) I have some, but it only really works when we're part of larger, more diverse groups that tend to congregate together. One-on-one hangout sessions can get painfully awkward. There's a lot of instinctive sympathy and mutual respect, but it becomes clear that we can't get away with just standing at the fringes of the party wisecracking about the behavior of the extroverts when there's no one else in the room. I have a couple of good INTJ/probable-INTJ friends who solve this problem by turning my wisecracks into batshit-manic suggestions that we should try out, and obviously having extrovert friends removes most of the burden of initiative from an introvert because they're always trying to "draw you out of your shell."

I think I'm basically attracted to INFJ's, ENFP's, and ENTJ's, if I have to abstract individuals into types. (The latter less commonly than the other two--ENTJ's I'm not attracted to can of course get really irritating.) These traits both complement my own in ways I enjoy, and are strange enough to arouse my curiosity, which is pretty important as a factor in attraction for me. There's such a thing as a person I "understand" too well--any scenario I've ever imagined involving an INTP girlfriend just seems like we'd run out of things to deduce about each other and then get bored.

The other thing about (probable) INTP women I've known is that it seems like I have nothing to offer them--they're so damn self-contained (like me, duh) that it seems like nothing I could do in an effort to make them happy would be an improvement on the act of leaving them alone.

^ yeah i feel like i'm not really drawn to intp men irl either, for the most part. there have been exceptions but i've always gotten the impression they're not into me, and that makes me not into them so much.

The other thing about (probable) INTP women I've known is that it seems like I have nothing to offer them--they're so damn self-contained (like me, duh) that it seems like nothing I could do in an effort to make them happy would be an improvement on the act of leaving them alone.

The rub being when they feel exactly the same way. Likewise interested, but unsure of how to proceed because you're so damn self-contained.

Once I suspected that the INTP I'm now with was interested, I took a shot to gauge things and got a lot more in return than I bargained for. From there followed a great deal of trying to figure out what was going on behind that mirror-veil of hers. The differences were great enough for her to be largely foreign to me, despite the readily apparent similarities. Follow up with a good deal of open curiosity and patience, and all the gold could be yours.

Originally Posted by Hephaestus

I'm not sure what the fallout will be, but the pejoratives will be glorious.

^ yeah i feel like i'm not really drawn to intp men irl either, for the most part. there have been exceptions but i've always gotten the impression they're not into me, and that makes me not into them so much.

^ yeah i feel like i'm not really drawn to intp men irl either, for the most part. there have been exceptions but i've always gotten the impression they're not into me, and that makes me not into them so much.

It's kind of weird because I've been drawn to them before I even got to this community. I actually spoke online for 6 years to an INTP I still have never met, before I even joined the old place. I think we were genuinely in love but it just never turned into more for different reasons, including my belief that he was always going to "be there". it has been... somewhat depressing to receive news of his settling down, having children, buying a house, a dog, etc, over the years. Recent news from him this month indicates they're only together "for the kids" by now, and I have been putting off a reply. You can't undo the fact you didn't "choose" someone, mindmate or not, and he didn't choose me.

I had another experience with an INTP (suspected INTx) which didn't go well. Once again, there was a very... how do I put this... complete understanding of the paths the other's mind would take. It helped that he knew both my languages and was familiar with my culture. He really didn't understand my basic need to be, um, paid attention to. Like I'd walk into a room and he'd be reading something, and not even look up to say hello. Things like that brought out a rather cruel side of me that I wouldn't say I'm proud of. Perhaps I am not all that INTP.

My other experience with an INTP could be considered entirely positive. Something that has surprised me is that he picks up on my state of mind, even if it's just a passing concern or change in mood. INTPs are actually very perceptive about those things, dunno why it's so surprising to me. Chemistry is no less strong than with other NTs I've known, with the bonus of more compatibility (telepathic, almost). My one concern is my extreme difficulty in explaining how or why I feel a certain way. I can write things, I guess, but talking and arriving at solutions in a constructive manner terrifies me. I'm accustomed to being the one who keeps problems to herself in a relationship, I tend to involve myself completely in the other person's needs and suppress what I'm going through. If this is a mutual problem, and it may be, then that should be... pretty funny? xD

^ when it comes to online, i get attention from other intps for sure and it's easy to talk to them when it's just writing, but irl my experience is that they're pretty standoffish and won't even flirt with me or ask me out (this may just be a thing with young intps who haven't gained the confidence yet). there's this weird sense that we know we're similar to each other but are afraid to get too close to each other (to ourselves?). you can sorta see it in somebody's eyes, sometimes. that's not a spark, though. it's not sexual attraction. it's mostly uncomfortable.

i think i prefer to be with someone who balances me out with the emotional expression and generosity that doesn't come so naturally to me. with my current partner, i admire that about him, and he admires my independence. we can learn from each other. i also have the deepest emotional/spiritual connection with him that i've ever had with anybody. i'd consider myself "balanced" in comparison to most intps online that i've come across in that that connection is to important to me and i feel deprived when it's not there.

that's not to say that i've never felt attraction to another intp. i most definitely have, but it's rather rare, and due to life things (being in a committed monogamous relationship, for example) things just never played out. i think getting the green light from another intp and feeling comfortable flirting with each other, etc. would be pretty cool, if nothing was holding us back.

The other thing about (probable) INTP women I've known is that it seems like I have nothing to offer them--they're so damn self-contained (like me, duh) that it seems like nothing I could do in an effort to make them happy would be an improvement on the act of leaving them alone.

That strikes up an almost-thought I've had here and there... When I've wondered how it might work, there's this semi-conscious sort of stalemate/something feeling that's basically this intuition, or something like it. But it goes both ways; at the same time I'd think I don't have anything to offer them, I suspect it they'll never surprise me. That we'd be possibly great no-strings, passive friends over time (at best), but there's just nothing there to actually attract one to the other?