The urologist who gave me my sphincterotomy described himself as a glorified mechanic. If you need a new part, they'll do what they need to do to fix it. However, I have found that for medical assistance in managing the daily demands of incontinence, occupational therapists and pelvic floor physical therapists are far more useful.

Your story sounds a lot like mine. Mine started about 20 years ago. My days are in taped diapers, but at night, I now use cloth diapers and plastic pants. That saves me from having to get up a night to change. My wife supports me in all of this. .... Paul Martin

It took me some years to come to an acceptance, tried basically all the medication out there, to no avail. side effects proved more difficult to deal with than wetting accidents. So in the end, I went down the diaper route, and never looked back. I can function in everyday life, sure it does require some planning ahead, but besides that, no big deal, anymore, despite being in them now 24/7.

I think I have accepted certain aspects of incontinence and completely rejected others. At 25 I have been dealing with IC issues for years (probably since I was 10.... I have OCD tendencies and anxiety, so I remember being a fifth grader counting how many times I would pee and obsessing about it; it was insane, like 20 times a day and I just thought I was broken). I have a rough family dynamic and due to my family being absent half of the time when I was younger (to be honest I still don't know how they have no idea, or perhaps they know and just completely ignore it), I got away with washing clothes myself or just throwing them away as I got older and more mobile. It seemed to rear its ugly head and then quiet itself throughout my adolescence. Around 18-19 I started to have serious issues with an increase in bedwetting and daytime urge issues. I acknowledge that I have incontinence issues, and to be honest, I think I have probably just been struggling with some sort of voiding dysfunction for years that just got deemed urge IC once I finally sought help as an adult. The the only people I have confided this in is one or two incredibly close friends, one or two therapists, and a few doctors.

Bedwetting was easier to accept but that took a few years of near nightly accidents to accept that, but daytime wetting has become a real problem over the past two years. My daytime continence issues are a nightmare and I have not accepted that quite yet because it's only been a few years since I have been having enough accidents frequently to consider it a major problem, within the last year or so it has been very bad. I can't take medications due to allergies so my way of managing everything is incontinence briefs (diapers) as I used to just rely on a full brief at night and pull-on garments during the day or a very light diaper, but I had too many leaks and just started wearing the nighttime diapers all of the time. I definitely feel confident enough to tell the few whom I have wanted to disclose this to that I have IC problems but I cannot disclose to them that I rely on incontinence diapers all of the time. That aspect of the IC I have not accepted, and I still cannot even say those words physically out loud and that causes severe anxiety, other than when I go to the local diaper bank and have to ask for briefs. The diaper itself feels like such a physical barrier between me and the rest of the world sometimes and it really bolsters an even more debilitating distance between myself and others socially, emotionally. The diaper helps me completely forget that my body is broken until I have to dreadfully deal with changing it, and then I am reminded of my fate. The secrecy, embarrassment and shame is what prevents me from accepting these things.

Likewise, in frustration, I often want to just straight up drop PC language in an effort to help me accept it. I don't want to have a conversation about how incontinence makes me feel, where the person I am talking to is more embarrassed then me (and they are the one supposed to be helping me). This adds to the stigma immensely. I don't wear briefs. Briefs are what little boys and old men wear. I'm not a man, I literally hate that euphemism beyond words but use it out of respect. I wear diapers because I can't stop pissing on myself. I truly hate the PC nature of when I have disclosed these things, in particular to medical professionals/counselors because my internal dialogue is rarely PC. I have to accept my thoughts, my reality. Not a polite pseudonym awkwardly and dubiously describing my troubles that only leaves me more ashamed and angry. It makes it so much harder for me to accept my life situation and not skirt around the issues when I try to consult with a doctor and am only met with their perpetual avoidance.

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