13 candidates for the Republican nomination for President of the United States of America sit awkwardly in a small green room of the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas while waiting for their queue to exit the room and begin engaging reporters just before another big debate.

The other still living people in the room glance awkwardly at each other, except for Ben Carson who glares suspiciously at the blathering Governor.

John Kasich slumps to the ground, blood and clear liquid oozes slowly from his ears.

Jeb Bush: I have to say something about this. Ben Carson, you need to stop killing your political opponents.

Ben Carson stops staring menacingly at John Kasich suddenly and shows a look of terrified surprise.

Ben Carson: Where am I?

Lindsey Graham: You are at the scene of the crime Ben, the crime where you murdered three people. Only a neurosurgeon would kill someone by drilling their brains!

Ben Carson: The last thing I remember was sitting in my living room enjoying my rising poll numbers and petting my dear cat Mr. Poofybutt when the phone rang.

Carly Fiorina: A likely story!

Mike Huckabee: Come on everyone! Let's get him Arkansas style!

The candidates ready themselves to pile onto Ben Carson, who immediately pulls a knife from his belt and motions with his other hand for the first person to take a shot. Mike Huckabee casually tip toes to the back of the pack. The candidates eye each other to see who will attack first, when suddenly Mike Huckabee clutches his chest and slumps to the ground.

Ben Carson: Turn around everyone, Mike Huckabee has just fallen down.

Rand Paul: Oh give me a break!

Carly Fiorina: We weren't born yesterday Ben!

Chris Christie: I'm really gonna' fall for that one!

Ben Carson: I think he had a heart attack, he needs immediate CPR if you would just let me get behind you and...

Lindsey Graham: Nobody gets behind me unless they have a limo and a dime bag of blow!

Everyone in the room goes silent and stares awkwardly at Lindsey Graham, when their collective confusion is interrupted by the death groan of Mike Huckabee. The group turns to see a lifeless Mike Huckabee dead on the floor.

Ben Carson: I told you, now for all we know he was the murderer the whole time.

Donald Trump: He did die of natural causes, that's usually how the bad guy eventually dies.

Ted Cruz: We're sorry for doubting you Ben.

Chris Christie: I want to give you a great big hug to show just how sorry I really am.

Chris Christie begins giving a warm hug to Ben Carson when the lights go out once more, the lights come back on and Chris Christie's head is severed from his neck.

Ben Carson lets go of the lifeless body of Chris Christie allowing it to slump to the floor and steps back with a horrified expression.

Donald Trump: Where did his head go?

Ben Carson: I remember now! I remember who came to my home that day and hypnotized me! It was...

The lights cut off once more and quickly come back on. The body of Lindsey Graham sits on a sofa with the head of Chris Christie put onto the bloody stump that once held his own head.

Donald Trump: Oh, there it went. But what happened to Lindsey Graham's head?

Ben Carson: Lindsey... Graham? He must have been working for the real murderer then, or he would have killed me right then.

Ted Cruz: Well if you were hypnotized by the henchman of the killer, than you may still be the killer!

Donald Trump: Yeah!

Rick Santorum: Yeah!

Rand Paul: Yeah!

Jeb Bush: Yeah!

Carly Fiorina: Yeah!

Ben Carson: Yeah! Wait what?

The candidates once more poise to pounce on Ben Carson. Ben sighs with frustration and attempts to pull out his knife once more, only to find that it's missing.

Ben Carson: Hold up, everyone check your pockets for a second.

Everyone in the room stops for a moment to pull out their pockets.

Ben Carson: My knife is gone, I could have sworn that I left it in my belt.

Ben turns around to look around the room for his knife, the candidates gasp in horror as they see that it was left embedded in the back of Ben Carson's head.

Rand Paul: Ben! Someone stabbed your brain!

Ben Carson: Oh that's okay, I'll just use my backup brai....

Ben began to say before his lifeless body suddenly collapsed onto the floor.

Rick Santorum: This does not look good.

Donald Trump: Actually Rick, this looks great for you. You know you've always wanted to be a part of the big league in these debates!

Jeb Bush: You probably offed everyone here in some sick attempt to hang out with us front runners, and Rand Paul.

Rand Paul: Whoa there, I'm still in this race.

The living candidates in the room chuckle to themselves.

Ted Cruz: Look Randall, we have more pressing matters to attend to than your nose diving political campaign. Where did Chris Christie's head go?

Carly Fiorina: That's a good question, maybe it's in the fridge.

The candidates glare suspiciously at a small fridge in a corner of the room.

Rick Santorum: Well if it will make you jerks get off my back, I'll check the fridge.

Carly Fiorina: I could drink for all of you at this point. I'll take a whiskey shot.

Donald happily pours liquor for all the current survivors and they toast their glasses.

Rick Santorum: To taking back the White House.

Ted Cruz: Hear hear!

The candidates down their liquors, and all of them buckle under the harsh flavor of their chosen drinks. The candidates gag and hack loudly until finally finding their composure, except for Rick Santorum who keels over dead.

Carly Fiorina: What did he have again?

The four remaining candidates look at the liquors with a confused look.

Jeb Bush: Didn't he have the same drink that all of us had? *hic*

Ted Cruz: What does it mean if poison has no effect on the rest of us?

Donald Trump: WE'RE IMMORTAL!

Carly Fiorina: No murderer can kill us now!

Donald Trump: Let's drink to immortality!

Carly Fiorina: Let me pour this time.

Carly pours three shots and hands them out to the three other candidates.

Jeb Bush: Where's yours Carly?

Jeb quickly knocks back his shot before being answered.

Ted Cruz: We're supposed to toast to something Jeb!

Donald Trump: Stop being such an asshole Ted! I mean, Jeb!

Jeb Bush hacks violently before falling dead.

Donald Trump and Ted Cruz stare at each other with looks of terror, when a loud *BANG!* is heard and a bullet rips through the head of Ted Cruz.

Carly slaps the shot glass out of Donald Trump's hand and laughs to herself while pacing around the room.

Donald Trump: So uh, big debate tonight huh?

Carly Fiorina: Don't worry Donald, I'm not going to kill you.

Donald Trump: That's pretty stupid, I just witnessed you killing all these people.

Carly Fiorina fires a round into the ceiling.

Donald Trump: Plus that ceiling might have had someone standing on the floor above it, you really didn't help matters by...

Carly Fiorina fires three more rounds into the ceiling before pointing the revolver at Donald Trump's crotch.

Carly Fiorina: Why don't you shut up and let someone else speak for a change!?

Donald raises his hands to surrender and shrugs his shoulders.

Carly Fiorina: It wasn't supposed to go this far Donald, you've inspired people to join your cause and pose a viable threat to the candidacy of my half-sister.

Donald Trump: Half-sister? Did your dad have sex with half of your mother?

Carly Fiorina: Hillary Clinton will be the next president of the United States of America, so help me God. But you had to energize the base.

Donald Trump: What does any of this have to do with your half-sister?

Carly sighs with frustration and fires a round into Donald Trump's crotch, causing the bullet to ricochet and enter Carly Fiorina's head.

Donald Trump: Trump brand jockstraps are the best in the world. They're amazing. A good guy with a gun is the best possible solution for a bad guy with a gun, but until you can find one a Trump brand jockstrap is the next best thing. I've stopped so many bullets with this thing, it's incredible. I make the best jock strap in the world.

A tv monitor blips off before retracting nosily into the ceiling. The candidates for the Republican nomination stare in horror from a giant round table in their lavish waiting room prior to attending their upcoming debate.

Donald Trump: Come on, shoot me in the balls. I dare you!

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There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. - Hamlet