This bi-monthly evaluation has been a helpful method that has forced me to take time to examine my heart and make sense of what I have been dealing with under the surface. It being unnatural for me to examine my own heart makes it very tempting for me to just wait until time slows down around me to have the free time to do that hard work. I was just passing by events in my life without noticing their impact on me at all (I didn’t really process staff conference until sat down to write this). There were a few times this week when I choose to stay at the apartment and take some serious time to be with the Lord, studying the word, and trying to figure out what some of my sinful tendencies are. I was initially skeptical, like I was missing opportunities on campus, but the time proved to be fruitful and beneficial (in that the closer I have been drawn to the Lord the more visible Christ will be in me to others).

For some people I saw real growth in a commitment to follow up. With two guys in particular I found myself at the beginning of the week planning follow up opportunities with them. My note taking has improved over last evaluation, but I found myself wishing that they are more detailed and that the notes would fuel decisions of prioritizing follow up. With such an influx of people arriving percentage wise I my follow up has really plummeted, which was discouraging. At large group on Wednesday it was also more natural to be suggesting follow up times even during the initial meeting.These two weeks I saw many missed “deadlines.” I continually forgot to fill out my initial expense report and bring it in to HQ, I forgot about planning worship, printing out music, making slideshows; all until the last minute. I did not call some of my assigned outreach contacts right away. I haven’t updated my online journal for my supporters since before Staff conference. These have been lots of things that I said I’d do that did not get done in a timely manner. My usual reaction is to simply ignore it and think “it’ll work out ok.” While it does usually work out ok, those are real opportunities to examine how my heart is engaged in the event, and to minister to my heart and others. God was gracious to allow so much of it to happen and go unexamined to prove to me how much a problem it really can be in my life.

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Hello, I am Jason Knox

I'm going to Seminary for lots of bad reasons. I have good reasons too and now I'm trying to live a life of putting aside the bad ones, really pursuing the good ones, and being open to surprises. It's been a strange journey to get me to this point. I think what I've realized is that I actually do have certain life goals: 1) To fall deeper in love with Christ and 2) help Christians understand Christianity better (namely by allowing them to fall more madly in love with Christ too). In light of that, I've decided to come up with some career goals that are quite similar to my life goals (makes the list easier to remember). That's why I'm going to seminary. I'm taking steps to be a pastor of a church. I'm at Covenant Theological Seminary because what I want is to say with Paul, "For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified" and I have become convinced that Covenant is an institution that is committed to not only knowing about Christ but just actually KNOWING Christ. More than anything the best way to combat all of the bad reasons I have for going to seminary is to encounter and embrace Jesus. I want to be in a place surrounded by the people who wrote to me in a letter saying, "The education of our students is far more than a merely academic exercise--it is our ministry to you and to those whom you will serve in Christ's Church. Our goal is to walk with you--not only through your seminary years, but also well beyond--so that, by God's grace and for His glory, you may faithfully fulfill the ministry to which He is calling you." I'm so excited.

I'm (still) learning to be more open with people and offering of myself. This blog is a step in that direction (like a band-aid on a missing limb).