Archive for May, 2007

As soon as word got around our administrative offices that we had lost the Webby award, the award that was going to be the answer to all of our problems, both professionally and personally, the staff pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and went to the liquor store. After a long, disturbing evening in the conference room, they decided that the only thing to do was to offer the public what it was looking for. Clearly the exhibits in the Museum had gotten stale. The market had changed. Kitsch is out and cute is in!

It’s been a wonderful week, full of camaraderie and enthusiasm. The entire MOKS staff banded together and worked towards a common goal. That goal? To please you, the patrons of our humble museum. For without you, we’d have to go back to our previous jobs. Without going into detail, let’s just say that none of us want to climb back into the barrel to face those angry bulls.

Gail from HR brought in her sister-in-law, Madeline, who has the most adorable seeing eye dog you’ve ever seen. Lady Winslow of Duckingham has done an admiral job considering she’s never actually been trained to be a service animal. You see, Madeline’s eyesight was just fine until Gail decided to knit her a pantsuit. The unusual color combination left her disoriented and she suffered severe nerve damage from the undulating geometric hellscape. Some doctors have suggested her blindness is simply a defense mechanism and that as soon as she works up the nerve to tell Gail how much she hates the gift, her sight will return. Isn’t Lady a pretty girl? Who’s a pretty dog? You are! You are, Lady Winslow!

Tammy in Reception was eager to share her most prized possessions, a pair of her favorite troll dolls. Her desk is littered with them, but she insists that these are the cream of the crop. She’s knitted tiny little outfits for all of them, including Elvis and Marilyn here. She thinks they’re just the cutest thing she’s ever seen and can tell you so in any of a thousand ways. Many employees have mastered the art of Tantric Urination, choosing to hold it all day rather than risk walking by her desk and hearing all about the latest mischief in Trollsylvania. But hey, who are we to judge?

Of course, Tammy in Accounting had to get in on the action. When she was done, she offered up her own favorite troll doll. No one is sure if she’s making fun of Reception Tammy or if, in some odd way, they’ve formed a kind if kinship over the years. After all, who else in the office but Reception Tammy would ever offer you a breath mint and some fresh panties with such unquestioning perkiness? Accounting Tammy’s favorite character is the apltly named “Trolling for a Guy” doll. I bet you’ve never seen a half-inch hand-knit thong, have you? We have.

The Board of Directors even opened the gates of the corporate day care center and let us pick out a few of our favorites for the new exhibit. These three were cutifying themselves very industriously as we made our second walk-through. We all agreed that they had what it took, and they did. Choosing carefully between spots and plaid, festooning themselves with cardboard stars, these babies were committed. I mean, how did they even get their widdle hands on Superglue in the first place? But as with all good things, it ended in tears and puddles of striped and polka-dotted piddle. I guess that’s what happens when you choose to diaper with floating strips of ethereal gauze. But still, they’re pretty cute. In a soggy-gauze-that-leaks-pastel-rainbows kind of way.

And finally, Vito in Security went above and beyond the call of duty. Knowing that animals were where it’s at, he spent the entire morning at the park collecting specimens and the rest of the afternoon nailingfastening installing squirrels onto various surfaces around the exhibit halls. This way, everyone can enjoy them at their leisure. SO cute. Thanks Vito, there’s going to be a little extra something in next week’s paycheck.

We hope you enjoyed the new exhibit, feel free to feed the squirrels. Just don’t be insulted if they ignore you. They’ve all had quite a day.

And yet, when you lose, it’s as though you were specially selected by an esteemed panel of judges so they could tell you that you’re just not good enough. Dramatic much, Stitchy? Well, not usually, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I knew I wouldn’t win the People’s Voice award, despite so many people letting me know that they voted for me, which I really, truly appreciate. I mean, how can you compete with kittens and puppies in that arena? But I really thought I had a chance with the one decided by the panel of judges. Well, I guess technically, I did have a chance.
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But the sting has worn off and I’m glad I entered, astounded I was chosen as a nominee out of all the entries and I’ll probably enter again next year. The “Weird” category has an entrance fee of $125, all other categories are $250. (I guess weirdos tend to have tight budgets.) I don’t think a lot of people realize you actually have to enter (and pay!) in order for a chance to be nominated, but there you go. Also easing the pain is the fact that Stephen Colbert didn’t win in the Humor category, and really, that’s why I wanted to win and go to the awards show. I’m not going to think about the fact that David Bowie is going to be getting an award and that I could have been photographed while pretending to interact with him while he wasn’t looking. Someday. A girl can dream.
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But you know what really helped me recover from the soul-crushing defeat brought on by a pair of giant, fuzzy paws? My whirlwind trip around southern California, where I met up with not one, not two, but THREE of my favorite knit bloggers AND one of my favorite Knitty Gritty producers, AND a group of amazing people who helped me with a project that’s still in it’s larval phase and therefore cannot be discussed and we shan’t speak of it again.

‚ I had the best. Time. Evaahh!
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The first stop on my Blogger Invasion tour was Chez du La, the latter half of JenLa. I was secretly hoping they were conjoined twins and I’d get a two-fer, but we had a great time despite La’s only having a single head. We were joined by Wen of Slow Knitter, who brought Key Lime Pie that I so desperately wanted, and totally forgot to eat because I was distracted by the delightful conversation.

La’s hubby grilled us some amazing chicken and bratwurst while the ladies chatted and enjoyed some cocktails. La brought out her Franken Lace (also known as the Forest Path Stole) and an absolutely gorgeous blanket that she’s working on and I was in awe. Girlfriend can knit! Time flew and before I knew it, I had to take off (and awesomely enough, La and her husband were going salsa dancing that night! How cool is that?).‚ I wanted to take the dogs and the cat with me because I was suffering from pet-withdrawal, but I didn’t bring a big enough knitting bag. Next time.

Thank you for the great time, Miss La! And thank you for my treats, including the gorgeous hand-dyed yarn! (please note that there were more chocolate Lindt Lambs, but I’m not made of stone, people. Honestly, most of them didn’t see the light of the next day. I expertly shepherded them into my belly!)

Next stop was the Crazy Aunt Purl Express. Laurie’s friend, Faith, offered up her home for a brunch and a gaggle of West Hollywood Stitch n’ Bitchers were in attendance. They were all so cool, the mimosas were delicious, and the laughs were plentiful.

And as a special treat, we were joined by Stefanie, one of the producers I worked with while shooting an episode of Knitty Gritty last December. Turns out she lives near Faith. I didn’t realize this because she picked me up at my motel in West Hollywood and as we neared Faith’s place, she said “There’s my house!” She went WAY out of her way, which was just so sweet.

Hanging out with Laurie and Faith afterwards was like being with people I’ve known forever. It was oddly comfortable to just be lounging around with them. I was happy to be able to share my experience with the whole book thing with Laurie and possibly help her navigate some of it. Since her writing style is so warm and personal, she’s really opening herself up to the public. She’s going to do great as she wades through throngs of adoring fans and walks stealthily past the freakazoids, I just know it.

Thanks Laurie and Faith! It was a pleasure. And a special thanks for my official Crazy Aunt Purl Mix-Tapes! I love mix-tapes, even if they are CDs now.

And finally, I spent the afternoon with Her Royal Coolness, Lady Linoleum. I love me some Regina, she is the most talented and prolific knitter/crocheter I’ve ever encountered. She straddles that line between art and craft and the things that come off her needles always amaze and amuse.

Look what she gave me!! Sir Loin (not sure if that’s his official name, but it’s what he answers to) and El Churro. Can you stand how cool these are? I can’t let Dot see them or that whole “Bad kitty, fiber is not food!” thing is going to get really confusing.

Regina also took me to a ginormous fabric store in Downtown LA. Fabric stores are almost as dangerous as yarn stores for me, maybe even more because my fabric stash is basically non-existent. I have a sewing machine and long to get good at making it go. There I stood, surrounded by just about everything you could possibly want. I don’t have a photo, but I will get one. I got a few of the same things she did, including the bright orange sating/plastic quilting. It’s going to look great with Moxie and Tab cans! If you look at the fabric in this post, I have the Sugar Skulls, but with the black background, the vintage milk caps and the orange beauty.

And if you’re in LA, go to Philippe’s for a dippy sandwich. You won’t be sorry, it was SO good. I would like another, please.

Whew! See what happens when I don’t post for a while? Shit happens! Thank you to all my amazing new friends in Cali, both the ones mentioned and those I can’t. I miss you all like crazy!
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