[Below is some comments from Mick Roche a former 6th initiate who left a
couple of years ago]

I’d like to respond to Sharon’s and Randy’s notes. Thank you first of
all. There is a great deal I might say by way of the cult behavior of
the HI network in Eckankar. But I’d first like to be careful that I
don’t fall into the same trap of solipsism that is the cornerstone of
the Eck mentality. These people cannot judge because they have no basis
on which to arbitrate truth (or any of its variations). I need to
remember that, and be extremely careful, as I venture into this process
of speaking out. What I say is entirely from the perspective of my own
knowledge and experience. I’m not qualified to globalize and say “This
is how it is.” First, as far as my dishonesty on A.R.E. Of course I was
dishonest. I was there for one reason—to observe—to watch the responses
of the Eck followers to various stimuli and situations. I put out what I
felt I needed to in order to get telling responses. I don’t feel bound
by the moral double standards of others. I have enough of my own thank
you! This isn’t to say I didn’t express myself honestly. I did much of
the time —especially when expressing my sense of spirituality, and my
take on certain subjects like Eck Masters and PT’s invention of
Eckankar. I even posted a series of messages about the mythical (and
necessary) role of “the trickster” in the inception of things. I figured
some people might catch on. I guess they eventually did. Good for them!

As far as attacking me. I understood that slander will continue and even
intensify when I signed my message here with my identifying signature.
These people have no regard for facts. They simply need to win. That’s
ok with me now. Their evaluation of me as a human being no longer has
any psychic leverage with me. I can say without hesitation—I am flawed.
I am a scorpion. I am an ignoramus. They can strike any way they care
to. It merely reflects their own vehemence and shallowness. When I
stopped participating on the list, I thanked them and told them I had
attended for a specific reason and thought I had gotten what I came for.
They knew I had intent. Anyway, that was a number of years ago. I still
had more to go before I was totally convinced that Eckankar as a path
was a loss. I still held out hope there might be something salvageable
for me personally, though I was fairly certain that nothing much had
changed for the better in the organization. In fact, the kind of inane
debates that went on in that forum was proof enough that the lunatics
(so to speak) had indeed taken over the asylum. As far as Sharon’s
question about ESA sessions. The ESA program was certainly an idea for a
service that may have been useful for many students. And I believe that
in fact it does provide some comfort for people to have an ear to listen
to them. Make no mistake though, it does serve double duty as a way to
keep a finger on the pulse of things. Eckankar harbors an almost
obsessive fascination with a mythical state called “balance”. This
“balance”, of course, more often than not translates into maintaining a
compliant, unimaginative, and highly conventional way of experiencing
and understanding the world. It is never actually defined, but most
certainly it is seen as a static state that one must consciously
maintain. This equates to a habit of repression of genuine impulses and
individual expression. There is no awareness of spiritual process, and
the often rough seas that must be crossed for a person to find one’s own
true center. Originality, individuality, and the trials of initiation
are given lip service, but only dimly understood. Individuality,
imagination, and unconventional perspectives are seen as marks of
aberration. As far as payment, it was my experience that payment was
indeed not insisted upon except in the special sessions with the LEM or
the eighth initiates. I never “charged” and don’t know of anyone that
did. It’s a great way to draw people into the sacred trust, to open them
up; to get a view on things. Let me say here also that the use of the
ESA as a watchdog program as far as I know, is limited to a small group
of extremely influential ESAs (and their more extensive network of
drones)——this is the ESA Council most of whom are former RESAs and whose
membership is largely unknown. A hidden system of stratification is used
so that every level, most often believes they are fully involved in
what’s “really” going on. (Here comes a run-on sentence!) These ESAs not
only use any information (true, erroneous, or unverified) that flows
into their whirlpool for political purposes, and for protecting whatever
it is they feel they need to protect, they are also the ones who have
access to the initiates reports that get sent in. In certain cases, they
will take on a person’s “case” using this information in order to
attempt to influence, control, or recruit them as drones. Thus, the
uncanny knowingness they sometimes seem to display. I don’t think it’s
fair to compare Eckankar to Scientology in all of this though. Eckankar,
for the most part is more complex because of its endemic
unconsciousness. Chronic denial has it’s long-term “benefits”. It allows
you to remain “sincere” in the midst unconscionable abuse. You can ask
me. I can tell you all about that! But, in the end I spent several years
in a deep depression, struggling to regain my self from psychic
complexes I had internalized through the Eck teachings, as well as all
the patterns of mind-numbing subterfuge I unwittingly stepped into in my
service to Eckankar. In a way, these people need enemies, so they
create them and cultivate them, not on a conscious level of course. They
create enemies by believing their occult machinations are truly hidden
and above the law. The ostrich hides it’s head and believes it goes
unnoticed. I doubt I would feel the way I do now, if Eckankar leadership
held policies that honored the unique spirituality of each student,
rather than attempting to hammer down any nail that sticks out. Anyway,
I don’t consider myself an enemy these days. I no longer hold anger or
rancor toward these people individually. I do feel I understand them
better now that I’m coming to understand my own journey through
Eckankar, and certain other pathological relationships that I have
allowed to violate me. My anger, which still flares brightly is at
myself, for not listening to the voice of my better angels, as Abraham
Lincoln might have described it. And it’s compounded by the deep
disappointment that is necessarily a part of shedding the illusions of
maya on life’s journey. I still ache at having not trusted my heart. So
much damage might have been avoided—to myself and to others whom I have
damaged in all this.

Mick Roche

I grant permission for this essay to be reproduced, distributed and
posted to A.R.E. in complete and unaltered form.

[Also Mick Shared this]

I’m a former member of Eckankar—a veteran of 26 years with plenty of
scars—former 6th initiate, Initiator, Clergy, ESA, RESA. I was never a
“company man” though, which eventually contributed to my finding my way
onto the various “watch lists”. Eventually, I’ll get my act together
enough to say what I mean to say about the whole experience here. But
in the mean-time I’d just like to extend my staunch support for Sharon’s
policy of not letting Eck apologists post to this forum. As it is, the
violation of one’s personal inner processes and experiences, in the
interest of “protecting the Mahanta and the purity of the Eck teachings”
is an established practice of the Eck Spiritual Aide network. What that
means in plain English is that anything (gossip, slander, rumor,
speculation, “inner perception”, verifiable fact) that a Spiritual Aide
or hir toadies are privy to, automatically goes out onto the Spiritual
Aid net and may be used as ammunition and psychic leverage to maintain
the status quo of those who enjoy being big fish in a small, stagnant
pond. Of course this is all done with a smile and a posture of openness
and love. It is shabby, transparent, hypocritical, and a deep violation
of trust.

Personally, I’ve taken and witnessed as much of that kind of hypocrisy
as I’m willing to in one lifetime. This is a public forum and can’t be
absolutely protected. But I would at least prefer not to have to engage
these automatons who actually believe they’re on a mission from God and
need to bolster their egos with the fantasy of being a vehicle for
“Eck’s healing love”.

As Sharon said, “Been there. Done it.” Nothing good will come of it.
I can’t imagine any defender of the faith coming up with a point a view,
I haven’t myself considered countless times in my own wrestling with the
questions of Eckankar’s authenticity in my life. I spent almost ten
years considering it all; giving it time; testing the waters; checking
myself and my own motivations, even performing situational experiments
with a number of Eckankar gangsters. I needed to be certain for myself.
And the sad results I got were the same as everyone else who
contributes to this list—Eckankar is a pathetic sham.

I’m rebuilding my life now, trying to find a little dignity, and sort
through the ashes to salvage anything positive I can from the whole
experience. I don’t need anymore psychic vampires bolstering themselves
at the expense of my spiritual sovereignty.

Am I pissed off? Yeah. Pissed as hell. But I’m starting to see just
how ridiculous the whole setup is and I find myself getting a chuckle
out of it once in while these days. Maybe I’m slowly healing.