Authors note: some quick hits. This chapter marks my 50th story on Literotica. I couldn’t have timed it better as this one ends with a bang. Also a huge thank you to author Sydney Blake (How to save a life. The hottest romance series on lit!Check it out for yourselves)for doing a lights out job editing this chapter.As for my dedication: This reader has always stayed anonymous, but has commented many times and e-mailed me as well. He is by far my biggest Megan hater so on that note, this chapter is for “sparekeys”. As for this chapter itself. SWB is a pretty grim story, and honestly not nearly as popular as some of the stroke series that are currently running right now. I am fine with that. From day one this has been my story written my way. Now that I am getting near the end, not only am I going to continue that, but am going to rev it up. The remaining chapters will not be heavy on erotica, but will be heavy in general. If you are a sensitive sort, brace yourself. For the next three chapters, ladies and gentlemen, the gloves are off. As always thank you for reading! Lovecraft68

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I sat in the back of the cab with my head down, using my long black hair to cover most of my face and the fact that I was crying. I’d managed to hold it back during the ten minute walk from Mark’s office to the Biltmore. I needed a taxi and they were always circling the hotel, and this way I didn’t have to wait in front of his building for one. It hadn’t been easy holding it together, but I was getting enough looks as it was in my current ensemble. Had I started crying, people would have thought I was some distraught, strung out prostitute. Not that I hadn’t had some experience with that particular situation back in the day, but I would never want it thought of me again.

Within a minute of reaching the hotel, I flagged down the cab. I noticed the driver passed an older couple and a guy in a suit so he could pick me up. I got in and gave him my mother’s address. The driver, a big greasy looking guy in his fifties, took one look at me and asked, “How you gonna pay for this?”

I rolled my eyes. Under different circumstances, I would have told him to go fuck himself and gotten out. Right now, however, all I cared about was getting back to my parents’ house so I could hide in my old bedroom and cry. I reached into my purse and pulled out a hundred dollar bill and showed it to him.

He smirked, “Business must be good.”

I smirked back, “It always will be because there are always fat, ugly men who can only get laid if they pay for it.”He gave me a dirty look, but put the cab in gear and quickly pulled into traffic. I caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror and winced. So much for trying to not look like a mess; I had already been crying at Mark’s office, and my allegedly waterproof mascara had run in black streaks down my face. My good old manic panic Goth foundation had held up, however, so I now looked like a sick, sad clown straight out of a Marilyn Manson video.

Sliding over to the right corner of the seat, I let my head drop, my hair fall over my face, and my tears flow. I was devastated and confused. What had just hit me the last two hours? My father, the pictures, Mark’s lies to save me. As if that wasn’t enough to take in, Mark put me on the spot. I did love him. I knew that now. Not that I should have needed my brother’s sacrifice to make me realize that. Those feelings had been there for years I had just pushed them aside, telling myself I would ruin my brother, and pretending the feelings weren’t there. This time around, Mark took all my excuses away from me. He pointed out that I was sober, successful, and, most of all, he told me how he felt. My mind was still reeling. How, exactly, did my brother think we could pull this off?

I told him I loved him, sort of, by simply saying yes. Had I just kept my big mouth shut, we might have been able to sit down and talk things through, like we had planned. Instead, I put a fatal “but” in there, and my exhausted, emotionally spent brother did what he always did when he was hurt, he lost it

I did my best not to react to his rage. My brother had been through a lot in the last year, and I had not been there for him. As much as the Winthrop trial had helped his career, it had taken everything else from him. Mark had tears in his eyes as he numbly told me how my father told him no one ever wanted him. I now knew why he was avoiding Mom, and it was wrong; she loved Mark dearly. Unfortunately, I knew too well that feeling of being unwanted, of knowing that no matter how good life was now, that we had been given away, as if we were unwanted pets. For my brother, who had already been dealing with the heartache of missing his chance to be with me back then, hearing those things from Dad caused him to believe them.

I was also struck with guilt, hearing how badly he missed me, and how he so desperately wanted to be with me. I’ve never regretted moving to Chicago. I would not have achieved as much surrounded by nothing but painful memories. But in leaving all that pain, I left behind the best part of my life. Mark, who, of course, told me to go ahead and do what was best for me. Had I not been the selfish bitch he had rightly accused me of being, it would have occurred to me that sometimes, Mark said things because he felt it was what I wanted to hear, not because it was how he really felt.

So as Mark got more and more wound up, I just sat there and listened, trying to wait for an opening. That is, until he started really going off the deep end and talking about us fucking others and ending it by throwing my words from twenty years ago in my face: “We’re not for all the time.”

I wanted to tell him that I was in love with him, but he got me rattled. All I could think of was my journal entry when I had ‘given’ him to Cynthia so he wouldn’t know how I felt. I said the word ‘was’ and Mark turned lawyer on me, treating me like a witness he had just crossed up. If Mark had been rational he would have heard the emotion in my voice and realized that I was still in love with him, but he was too far gone. When I tried to tell him he had told me to fuck myself. I was stunned; short of a couple of times when I had been wasted Mark had never spoken in that tone to me.

Before I could get anything out Mark had simply looked me in the eye and told me to leave. I had felt my own anger rising, but seeing the raw pain in my brother’s eyes stopped me from making things even worse. I tried to tell myself he didn’t mean it, that he would calm down and we could talk. I told myself that when we did I would simply tell him how much I loved him, take him in my arms and let him feel how much I did. We would still need to figure some things out but I needed him to at least know he was loved.

Sadly, I never got the chance. He stared out his office window while I sat there crying softly, hoping he would calm down and come back and hold me. No, that was the kind of thought, that made Mark seem right. When he came to me, I would hold him. After several minutes however, without turning around to look at me, Mark asked, “Why are you still here?”He spoke softly, but there was something in his tone that told me it was over. There would be no apologies, no making this right.

Standing up, I let out a sob, and as I did, Mark shook his head disgustedly. On that note, I turned to leave, when it occurred to me that I was going to take his car. Normally, Mark always took me back to the airport, but obviously this time would be different. Taking his keys from my purse, I tossed them on his desk so that he would hear them. When he still didn’t turn around, I felt my temper flare at being dismissed like a child, but I was smart enough to simply turn and storm out of his office.

Now sitting here in the cab it hit me that this had been my own fault, Mark had warned me that something’s were better left unsaid, but I had pushed. I took a deep breath and seeing that we were already at the exit for my parent’s house I tried to pull myself together. I had no doubt Mom and Dad were both home, and I had no idea how I was going to get past them to go upstairs to my room.

As we pulled up to the house I saw that as I had feared both cars were there. I paid the fare, then stood on the sidewalk for a minute staring at the house. If I went through the front, I might run into Dad. I had no idea how I could look him in the eye right now, knowing what he had seen. Not only that, but knowing that, in his mind, it was over, while in reality, I had just fucked my brother in his office not two hours ago.

This made my heart sink; Mark seemed to think no one would ever find out about us. I disagreed, but even if he was right, and we could pull it off, I would need to tell my parents. I could not lie to them for the rest of my life. Mark, by his own admission, had made this even more difficult by lying to my father. The cat had been out of the bag last year. Had I been around, I would have come clean and admitted that we had been and still were lovers. I would have taken whatever repercussions there were. Who knows? Maybe that would have brought Mark and me close back then. No. I was with Laura, and believed I was in love.

With a sigh I walked along the side of the house. I would take my chances with my mother. I reached the back, and taking a deep breath entered through the back door. Feeling like I was back in my teenage years and sneaking in after curfew, I stood in the small hallway listening at the door that led into the kitchen. I didn’t hear Mom’s small TV going and, opening the door entered the kitchen. To my relief it was empty. Once again, just as when I was teenager, I slipped my heels off and quickly made my way towards the stairs that led upstairs. I didn’t have a car and my parents would never know I was there. I had made it half way to the door when Mom’s voice stopped me cold.

“Megan?”

I didn’t answer right away. I just stopped and let my head slump down, as if I were that teenager who had just gotten caught. I heard Mom coming up behind me and with a resigned sigh, I turned to face her.

“And why are you dressed like that?” Mom asked, looking me up and down. “Well I…”

I had nothing. The events of the day had left me completely drained. I tried to push my exhausted mind to come up with yet another lie to my mother, but the well was empty. I started to try to say something about a date but what came out was a sob as my emotions finally overwhelmed me.

“Come here honey!”

Mom immediately came over, reached up and put her arms around me. Feeling foolish but unable to help myself, I put my head down on her shoulder and started crying, not just the tears that had been trickling on and off since I had left Mark, but full, gut-wrenching sobs. Mom didn’t say a word, just held me and gently rubbed my back.

Even as I continued to let myself go, I could feel that old familiar comfort of my mother’s embrace. In the midst of my despair, I remembered how many years I denied myself this embrace, denied my mother the chance to help her daughter.

My sobs increased as I pictured my brother alone in his office, with no one to be there for him. I knew by now Mark’s rage was gone and that he was as upset as I was. I could feel my brother’s loneliness, as if it were my own, because for years it had been.

When my sobs finally died down, to just the occasional embarrassing hiccup, Mom stepped back from me, and, taking my hand, led me over to the kitchen table.”Sit down and talk to me”

I allowed myself to be led and after I sat down, Mom walked over to the sink. I heard the water, and when she came back, she had a small, wet towel in her hand. Without a word, Mom took my chin in her hand and started wiping off my face. I tried to pull away, but Mom just smiled and told me to stop fidgeting. I stopped moving and closed my eyes as Mom pressed the warm towel to them, gently dabbing at my ruined mascara. As I sat there, letting Mom wash my face like she did when I was a little girl, I felt myself beginning to calm down somewhat. As always, Mom had a way of making even the worst things seem a little better. When she was finished, I opened my eyes.

Smiling, Mom said, “Now there’s my beautiful girl!”

I couldn’t help but smile a little at that, which caused Mom’s smile to widen. She turned and, after tossing the towel in the sink, went over to the fridge. Coming back to the table, Mom handed me a bottle of water and sat down across from me.

“Really, Megan, I don’t know why you cover yourself in that Elvira make up. You’re pale as it is, and it covers up how pretty you really are.”

“Just part of the persona, I guess,” I told her with a shrug. “Megan Decosta, the underground artist, wouldn’t wear pink blush and a pony tail.”

“Well, if you were at a showing, I could see that,” Mom said, nodding. “But today?”

Mom was quiet for a minute as she waited for me to respond. Although I felt a little better my mind was still locked up and I had no idea what I was going to tell her.

“Megan, why are you so upset?” she asked. “And really, why the hell are you dressed like that?” She shook her head. “You didn’t leave the house like that.”

I laughed to myself as this really was becoming a teenage flashback. Leaving Mom’s in a jeans and a t-shirt, only to go to Betty’s and change into something trashy. Looking at Mom and still having nothing, I simply went with a version of the truth.

“I…I had a lunch date.”

“Dressed like that?” Mom asked, pointing at my chest.

Looking down I saw that the top two buttons of my blouse were undone and the red corset plainly visible.

“You must have been expecting it to be a great first date!”

“No, I…” I sighed and let a little more truth come out. “It wasn’t a first date, I… I’ve seen this person before.”

“Before?”

“Yeah,” I hesitated then, picturing my brother said, “I’ve known him for years, and whenever I come up here, if I’m not with someone, we get together.”

“Oh,” Mom said. “So is he a, what do they call it? A friend with benefits?”

Continuing with the half truths I answered.

“More like an old flame.”

“Oh, I see.” She nodded. “Trying to get over Laura?”

I looked at my mother, and for a moment felt a desperate urge to tell her. To simply blurt it out, that I thought I was in love with Mark. Tell her that he loved me and wanted us to be together. As I sat there I could feel the urge growing stronger, the desire to get twenty years worth of lies off of my chest, to ease that guilt, and to maybe even get some help on what the hell to do. Mom was looking at me calmly waiting for me to speak and the urge began to fade. In the end if there was to be no future for my brother and me, which is how it was looking at the moment, why would I want to do that? Go through all of the repercussions for nothing. Still, maybe my mother could help me.

“Mom, what would you do if you loved someone that you shouldn’t?”

Mom looked at me for a moment before answering.

“Well what do you mean by shouldn’t? Are they married?”

“Well no.”

“Well hon, I’m confused,” She began. “If they’re not married, and considering you…”She paused, trying to find the right words. “Since you have no problem with either a man or a woman, I don’t see why else you shouldn’t love someone.”

“I…” It was my turn to try to pick my words. “It’s just complicated, Mom it’s more like who it is, could cause some problems.”

Mom leaned back in the chair and seemed to be thinking. I felt myself getting worried, wondering if in reality, I was all but telling her who it was. No, now I was just being nervous. Mom, nor anyone else, for that matter, would suspect that I was closer than I should be with my brother.

“Before I say anything, I am not sure I understand, I mean you just broke up with Laura not two weeks ago, and now you’re asking me about…”

Mom trailed off, then giving me a slight smile, asked, “Honey, have you been in love with this person all along?”

“I…” I stopped, as I once again felt this conversation could end up being too revealing. But, then again, I was at least getting the chance to talk about it. “I think maybe…” I put my head down. “Yes.”

“So I guess what I said about you seeming as if you were waiting for something was close to the mark after all,” Mom said, nodding.

“Yeah, I guess so.”It’s not Tommy is it?” Mom asked.

“No, of course not!” I exclaimed. “Tommy’s married!”

“Well, you said it’s someone you’re not supposed to be with,” she said, spreading her arms out. “Plus, you said old flame. I mean, the two of you were engaged at one point.”

“It’s not Tommy, it’s,” I sighed. “Someone you don’t know about.”

Mom nodded and went on. “So does this person feel the same way?”

“I…” I swallowed hard as I told myself to end this now, but so badly needed to try to talk about it. “That’s what we tried to talk about over lunch.”

“I see that it didn’t go well.” Mom said. “So he doesn’t feel…”

“Actually ” I cut her off. “They do feel that way; I’m the one who…” I shrugged. “Same old me, I just can’t seem to make it that easy.” I looked at her. “I think I’m in love with him.”

“Ahhh, so at least I know it’s a him now.”

“But there are so many buts” I told her, feeling myself getting worked up again. “It could cause problems, and mostly for him…”

“Does he care?” Mom asked.

“Well… no but…”

“Then why should you?”

I stopped. That answer made it sound so simple. In most situations, it would be the right one, but Mom had no idea who I was talking about.

“Megan have you told him you love him?”

“Sort of,” I said softly. “That’s how the fight started. I just can’t…”"But you do.”

“Yes.” I nodded as much to myself as to her. “I do but…”

“You say that word a lot” she laughed. “Funny how years ago you were so impulsive, now you play it so safe.”

“I…”

I frowned. I did not see myself as a safe type of person. Then again, I had to admit that once more, Mom was right. Program had taught me to be careful, to think everything through, lest I put myself in a bad situation. I was safe, and my brother, who had spent his entire life planning and scheming six moves in advance, had thrown caution to the wind.

“Megan listen,” Mom cut into my thoughts. “I don’t have a lot of experience myself with this subject, “Mom leaned forward and gave me a small grin.

“But,” she emphasized the word causing me to roll my eyes, “I’ve seen a lot over the years, and unrequited love is a tough thing.”

“Well, it’s not really unrequited,” I pointed out. “I did kind of…”

“Megan, until you have point blank looked each other in the eye and said ‘I love you’ with no room for interpretation, then it is unrequited, understand?”

As I nodded, I heard my brother’s voice in my head from Saturday night. “Megan, I love you, I love you so much.” The best I had come up with today was ‘Yes’ and ‘I was in love.

“The thing about it, Megan,” Mom continued. “Is that if you never acknowledge that love, then it becomes unfair to a lot of people.”"It’s unfair to the person you truly love, as they will never know it, and it’s unfair to people like Laura.” As she continued, Mom was looking directly into my eyes. “They become casualties, Go-betweens, while you try to give your heart to someone other than who you truly want to give it to.” She pointed at me.

“And of course, hon, it’s unfair to you, as well. You’ll spend your entire life never feeling whole and always wondering what could have been.”

“B…” I caught myself. “What if it doesn’t work, then what?”

“Then you move on At that point, you’ll have gone after your heart’s desire, found out it wasn’t meant to be, and now the next time you meet someone like Laura, you will be open for it to work.”

I was silent as again I heard Mark in my head, this time explaining how he had set Samantha free in order to know once and for all if I was his true love.

“So if I were you Megan, I would tell them how you feel and let all the other stuff work itself out.” Mom smiled. “You’d be surprised how easily things can fall into place when your heart’s where it belongs.”

“Yeah well, I think I lost the chance.” I told her sadly.

“Honey, if you didn’t really say it, then it’s never too late to do that. Trust me no matter how upset you may have made him, hearing those words from you will make it all better.”

I…” I shook my head. “It’s too late for now Mom, it got pretty ugly and,” I put my hands up. “I have to leave at six; I can’t miss the meeting with Walsh.”

Mom frowned, and I had the feeling she did not agree with what I had just said. A moment later she proved me right.

“Money isn’t everything Megan,” she shook her head sadly. “Look at Mark, he put his name on the map the way you’re hoping to be and he’s miserable.”

Reaching across the table she took my hand.

“I know it’s not easy honey, love is the best feeling in the world, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t take work. If you feel you blew it, and need to go back home then go ahead.” She shrugged. “You said this has been going on awhile, maybe there will be another time.”

“I…I don’t think so.” I whispered as I felt the tears start to trickle from my eyes again. “He… pushed me for an answer Mom and I…”

I stopped as I knew if I kept going the sobs would come back. Mom had in essence said everything my brother had, why was I the only one who didn’t get it? Was I that broken? Was Mark right? That I really didn’t know how to be happy? Mom squeezed my hand then standing, came around the table and hugged me from behind. As she did I felt her touch the locket she had given me, reaching up I held her hand to it, pressing my own over it.

“I love you Mom.” I said softly.

“I love you too Megan.” Mom said in my ear. “Listen honey, things didn’t go well today, but you never know what can happen. For now though things are what they are. You’re upset and exhausted.” Mom turned her head and kissed me on the cheek.

“It’s only three, why don’t you go upstairs and lie down for a couple of hours. I’ll get you up at five.”

“Okay.” I doubted I would sleep, but a couple of hours alone would hopefully help me get myself together. After all I had a name to make for myself. I felt the tears flow more as I heard Mark’s last remark; “Go take care of yourself; it’s what you do best.”

Mom let go of me and I slowly stood up to head upstairs. As I passed Mom, she asked;

“What time is Mark picking you up for the airport?”

“He’s not.” I said quietly

“Really? He always does.”

“Yeah well he’s kind of busy, tying things up at work.” I sighed. “I…I was hoping you guys would take me.”

“Of course we will honey.” Mom frowned. “You know you said yesterday you had a fight with Mark, things okay with you two?”

I nodded

“Yeah, like I said he’s busy.” I started to walk away and stopped again. “Oh by the way he promised he was going to call you tomorrow and see if you wanted to go to dinner.”

“With no prompting from his big sister of course!” Mom laughed.

“Of course not.” I said giving her a pathetic attempt at a smile and hoping Mark would follow through on his promise that he would.

“Yeah well I won’t hold my breath.” Mom said then reaching up and wiping the tears from my cheek said;

“Go get some rest honey.”

I entered my old bedroom and noticed that Mom had picked up after me. All the clothes I had tossed around had been washed, folded and put into my suitcase, which was sitting open on the foot of the bed. I dropped my heels on the bed next to the suitcase, and then quickly peeled out of the corset and mini skirt.

As I took the corset off, I looked in the mirror, and shook my head at the silver chain running across my tits and down and around my waist. It had been a nice surprise for a little while, anyway. I fumbled with the clasps, my trembling fingers causing me to make several attempts, and removing the chain walked over to put it into the small compartment built into the top of the suitcase. The room was not as hot as it had been, and reaching into the suitcase I pulled out a plain black t-shirt.

I closed the suitcase, put it on the floor, and closed the blinds so I could lie down. I probably wouldn’t sleep, but at least I might rest. I went to pull the covers down, and I froze. The journal was on my pillow. There was a note attached, a post-it from Mom. I switched on the lamp so I could read it.

Megan, found this on the floor and wasn’t sure if you wanted it or not. If not just toss it back in the box.

Toss it was exactly what I wanted to do, but right in the trash where it couldn’t be found. With my luck, Mom would take that box to a church bizarre, and some Latin student would find it and get his rocks off.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I put the top half on the nightstand. It hadn’t all been bad; there were some sweet memories in there. I found myself thinking of my entry about that rainy Saturday morning when my brother and I had felt more between us. All those years, had they been wasted? Or would we have ended up doing more harm to each other than good back then?

Shaking my head, I picked up the second half of the journal. My intention was to put it on the nightstand as well. Instead, I held onto it and caught myself staring at the black ribbon marking my last entries. I wrote most of it while in New York and had finished it while staying at Mark’s and my parents before entering rehab for the last time.

I started a new journal in rehab, and had vowed to never read about those dark days again. In fact, had I known this book was still floating around, when I got out; I would have burned it in a ceremony to rid myself of it and those painful memories.

I started to put it down, but, as if it had a will of its own, my arm stopped. I thought back to earlier, when Mark made that ‘big girl’ crack. I had taken him up on it and gotten a lot more than I had bargained for. The ‘be careful of what you wish for’, expression at its finest. As I continued to stare at the half of a book in my hand, my heart started to pound. I had gotten in my brother’s face and yelled at him about how I was no longer that weak, needy person anymore, that I could handle both my past and my present.

Still, did I need this? There was nothing but heartache in those pages, the culmination of ten years of addiction, when things had gotten so bad that it caused my brother and me to turn on each other. There was no reason to do this to myself.

Yet my arm still moved no farther. I narrowed my eyes. There was something more there, something I had forgotten, and that had a connection to the present. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on what I did remember from those entries. I saw my brother over me, a look of tenderness on his face. As before, the image came and went before my tired mind could latch onto it Opening my eyes, I stared at the journal. Like a train wreck, I knew I shouldn’t want to see it, but I had to look.

I shook my head. What would Mark do?

“Fuck it,” I whispered.

After all, it’s not like I could feel much worse than I already did.

Reaching back I propped up the pillow and, leaning against it, I pulled my knees up like I used to do when I was a kid. Resting the book on my thighs, I took a deep breath and took the plunge into my last days of addiction.

Dark Days Part one.

I awoke slowly, and as my eyes opened I found myself staring at an old wall with badly peeling wallpaper. Beneath the ugly yellow paper was an even uglier cracked and water-stained wall. Lying there, I tried to focus through the dull ache in my head and remember where I was. This was certainly a far cry from the beautiful bedroom in the East side apartment Tommy and I had been living in the last four months. I was lying on my back, and propping myself up on my elbows, looked around the room. All the walls were a mess and there was one window that was covered with threadbare curtains. I winced at both the light streaming through the curtains and how dry my throat was as I swallowed. Sitting up straight I glanced over the bed and saw that I was only lying on a mattress.

On the floor next to me was a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a half empty bottle of Budweiser. I saw my clothes in a pile near the end of the bed, and, realizing I was topless and a little chilly, I leaned over to grab the blue blouse on top of the pile.

As I did, I felt movement next to me and with a start; I noticed I was not in bed alone. I closed my eyes before I looked over, hoping to hell it wasn’t a guy. I was engaged after all. Turning my head, I opened my eyes and saw I was in bed with a young, pretty blond who my hazy mind recognized as Amber.

Well, that told me where I was, anyway. Amber was the younger sister of Jake Harris, a small-time dealer and notorious party hound. As I looked at Amber, I shook my head, I had just turned thirty-one and she had graduated high school not more than a few weeks ago. I slid the blouse on and found myself hoping that I hadn’t actually fooled around with her; maybe we had just slept together, as I was sure there were several guys spread out around the apartment outside of the room we were in.

Bringing my right hand to my face, I sniffed my fingers. I sighed softly at the sweet smell of her pussy and quickly removed my hand before I got myself worked up again.

I should be ashamed of myself; this girl was barely an adult. On that note, all thoughts of sex left my mind as it hit me that Amber wasn’t the only thing I should be ashamed of.

Reaching down to the floor, I grabbed the cigarettes and, after lighting one, felt Amber stir next to me. I looked over to see that she had rolled over onto her back. As she did, the sheet pulled away from her and I found myself staring at her perfect little perky tits, with their adorable pink nipples. I quickly shifted my eyes from her soft, young flesh to her face.

Amber opened her eyes. I winced at how bloodshot her normally beautiful green eyes were. Her skin was pasty white and she was sweating. She turned her head slightly to me and mumbled, “I don’t feel good.”

I pulled the sheet up over her tits, and, after gently rubbing the back of my hand across her cheek, I whispered to her, “Go back to sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

She attempted smile and closed her eyes. I caressed her cheek until I could tell by her breathing that she had gone back to sleep. I finished the cigarette, then got up and slipped on the black panties and short black skirt I had worn last night, and, grabbing my heels and purse, I quietly left the room.

My head pounded as I slowly made my way through the living room. Jake and two guys I didn’t know were passed out on the couch and the floor. I went into the small bathroom, and, after going, I stood at the sink and looked at my reflection in the cracked mirror. My eyes were as red as Amber’s, and I saw with dismay that my nose was running. I sniffed and felt an all too familiar burning in my nostrils. Yeah, Amber really was the least of the sins I had committed last night.

I started to open the door when my stomach convulsed, and I vomited into the sink. I retched several more times before sinking to my knees, my eyes watering and I to tried to catch my breath. Without looking, I reached up and turned the faucet on, letting the water run. After a couple of minutes, I stood up, and, using toilet paper, I washed out the sink as best as I could.

I walked back through the living room. Jake was sitting up on the couch, smoking. He nodded at me as I walked by. Going into the kitchen, I found a glass in the sink that didn’t look too dirty and forced myself to drink some cold water. Reaching into my purse, I took out the purple Daniel Steiger watch that Tommy had bought me for my birthday-and that I had been smart enough to put in my purse- and saw that it was 10am. I frowned. What day was this? Tuesday, it was Tuesday and…

“Shit,” I said softly.

I was supposed to be in work at 9am. Oh, well, too late now. Even if I were to drive there right now, I was a fucking mess and could barely walk, never mind smile and put make up on women all day. Putting the watch on and making my way out into the living room, I saw Jake had pulled the coffee table over to him and was already cutting cocaine into lines on a glass plate. Looking up at me, he smiled. I saw his eyes were bright and knew that he had already snorted a couple of lines.

“Hey Megan, up for some breakfast?”

I looked longingly at the table. I wanted it so bad. It was just what I needed. Hell, if I did a couple of lines and took a shower, I would be good enough to go to work. I knelt down across the table from him. I fumbled in my purse, and to my dismay, I only had fifteen dollars in my wallet. Hell, I’d had over two hundred last night.

“I…I’m kinda broke,” I told Jake.

Jake ran his hand through his long black hair and gave me a smirk. “Well, hey, kiddo, you’re already on your knees.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I…I don’t do that anymore, I have money at home Jake.”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t seen you around in months. How the hell do I know you’ll pay me?”

I shook my head and started to get up.

“Hey, how about the watch?” Jake asked.

“I can’t.” I told him. “It was a….”

“I’ll let you do a couple off of what’s here and give you a little for later.” Jake leaned over to stare at the watch. “My girl would love that.”

“I…” I hesitated.

I couldn’t. What the hell would Tommy think? Of course, I could always tell him I lost it. I frowned as I thought of Tommy. I hadn’t even gone home last night.

As Jake looked at me expectantly, I jumped as the front door opened and Joe, Jake’s roommate, came in.

“Hey, you get smokes?” Jake asked.

“Yup.” Joe reached into a bag and tossed Jake a pack of Marlboro’s then he pulled out a newspaper. “Hey, check this shit out, Megan!”

I looked at the paper and my eyes widened as right there on the front page was a picture of Mark. My brother was standing on the steps of the courthouse, facing a group of reporters who were all pointing microphones at him. Before I could make out the headline, Joe turned the paper to face Jake.

“Look at that!”He laughed. “Fucking Mad Dog hitting the big time!”

“No shit!” Jake said, nodding. “Hell, I remember when his punk ass was bouncing at Babyhead.” He shook his head. “I saw that crazy bastard kick the shit out of three guys at once one night! So what’s it say?”

Joe turned the paper to him and started reading.

“Despite numerous witnesses recanting their testimonies, attorney Mark Phillips not only vows to obtain a conviction, but warns reputed mobster Vincent Dimucci that he has until Friday to accept the AG’s last offer or he will take it off the table for good and pursue a maximum sentence.” Joe laughed. “Fucking Mark!”

Seeing the picture of my brother made me feel lower than I already did. Standing up from the table, I told Jake I had to go.

Jake shrugged, “Don’t be a stranger.”As I left, he added, “And no hard feelings about you thinking my sister’s hotter than me!”

Joe laughed.

I didn’t know what was worse, that I had taken advantage of Jake’s sister, or that he thought it was funny.

I walked outside into the cool September morning and, getting into my car, I drove a couple of miles towards Cranston before pulling over in front of a small playground. My stomach felt nauseous and I needed some air. I also had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do. There were a couple of small benches in front of the currently deserted swings and, getting out of the car, I went and sat down on one of them.

Once I sat, I realized that I had been here several times with Dad. He would always take me to playgrounds alone. It was our special time together. I put my head in my hands and started to cry. Even though I had, up until a week or so ago, been sober for several months, my father barely spoke to me. I had done so much damage in the last few years that he still held it against me.

I didn’t blame him. That day that he stood with me in court because Mark was out of town, and he heard the judge read off the charge of prostitution had been more than he could handle.

Taking my head from my hands, I removed the cigarettes from my purse and lit one. As I took a long, deep drag, I saw the cell phone that Mark got for me, and with a feeling of dread, I took it out.

I had fifteen missed calls and several voice mails. Scrolling through the calls I saw they were mostly from Tommy, starting from yesterday when I was supposed to come home from work, and the last one was at one am. There were also three from my brother, the first at eleven, when Tommy must have called him to say he couldn’t find me. I saw a number from this morning and saw it was work. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I put the phone to my ear to listen to the voicemails. The first few were Tommy, starting with a casual ‘When you coming home?’ and escalating to the final one:

“Megan, honey call me back, it’s…” He paused and I felt the tears start, as I could hear his voice breaking. “It’s okay if you’re well you know…, just please come home Megan, I’m not mad honey, just worried.” He paused again. “Please Megan. You know I’ll always love you.”

The next message was from Mark:

“Megan, you need to call me, sis. Tommy’s worried and so am I.” He sighed into the phone. “Look Meg, Tommy told me you… you haven’t been doing well lately. I know how you get when you fall. You think you hurt us and we’ll be upset.” Mark paused and I pictured how sad he was as he tried to tell me things were okay. “But, it’s okay, so just call me. If you don’t want to go home, you can stay with me. If you need a ride, I’ll come get you, I don’t care where you are or who you’re with, just…” There was another pause before he added quietly, “Please call me, sis.”

As I sat there, crying with the phone to my ear, I listened to the last voicemail. It was Joanne from work:

“I’m sorry, Megan. I know you have problems, but today was the third no-call-no-show in two weeks. I have to let you go.”

I shook my head, fired from a job that most teenage girls could handle. I went to put the phone back in my purse, then stopped. Swallowing hard and doing the best I could to control my voice, I called Mark. I knew he was in court and it would go to voicemail. I left him a brief message, saying that I was okay and would call him later. I didn’t call Tommy. I knew that no matter where he was, he would answer, and I didn’t have it in me to hear the disappointment in his voice. Putting the phone away, I sat back on the bench. That old feeling of guilt was gnawing at me.

After nearly six months of sobriety, last week I succumbed to that huge empty hole in my heart and filled it with the only thing that gave me comfort: drugs and alcohol. After ten years, I knew all too well that that comfort was only temporary, but it was better than suffering constantly. The last few months, everyone had been happy with me, Mark, Tommy, and Mom, all thrilled that I was sober and healthy. They didn’t have to worry about me.

Four months ago, Tommy took me up to his parents’ beach house and proposed to me. Caught off guard, I said yes. I did love Tommy, and God only knew it was a miracle that he loved me after how poorly I had treated him and how many times I had disappointed him.As I thought of Tommy, I looked at the beautiful half karat Marquis on my finger and shook my head in disgust. I shouldn’t be wearing it. I shouldn’t be living with Tommy in his beautiful apartment and letting him take care of me. In my defense, two weeks ago, after I had gone back to cocaine, I tried to give Tommy the ring back.

The shame of it was that I had not just wanted Tommy to take the ring back over the drugs. Since I had become engaged, Mark would not have sex with me. I’d spent a week with him not too long before Tommy proposed, but had not been with him since.

I longed for my brother’s embrace!

This, by far, was the longest we had ever gone, and I needed him badly. I had done my best to behave and not seduce him out of respect for Tommy, but lately, Mark had been all I could think about. Until I picked up my habit again that is. As I thought about Mark, I felt another wave of remorse pass through me. My brother was on the brink of making or breaking his career. The last thing he needed was to worry about his disgrace of a sister.

Two months ago, taking advantage of a loophole in Rhode Island law that allowed a case to be prosecuted by an attorney from the private sector, Mark conned the AG’s office into giving him a case involving a reputed mob hit man. Vincent Dimuccio had been tried twice, and both times, the case was thrown out of court, due to witnesses changing their stories. This was round three, and the AG’s office was ready to drop it. But it was an election year, and they needed to try to save face.

Mark strolled in and told them to let him have it. What did they have to lose? After a lot of negotiation, Mark took lead on the case, and he somehow pulled new witnesses out of thin air. The trial had been getting a lot of attention and my brother a lot of press. But lately, things had been going sour. Once again, people were shying away from their testimonies. Mark had received several death threats. The last time I saw Mark was last week, and he looked completely exhausted. Jim Howard had promised Mark junior partner at the age of thirty if he could pull this off. But if he lost, he would gain the reputation of being a loose cannon who couldn’t back up his claim of being the best attorney in the state.

I felt my eyes filling yet again as I remembered the last time I saw Mark. He was not only tired, but completely frustrated, as well. Up until a few weeks into the case, he’d had a live-in “pet,” as he referred to them. This one, a twenty-year-old journalism major named Kelly, had been with him for three months. My brother claimed she was the best he’d ever had. Unfortunately, Mark was forced to move her out due to the scrutiny of the press and the threats he was receiving. He complained that he hadn’t gotten laid in three weeks, and that he’d barely slept in the same time frame.

And I was sitting there feeling guilty as hell, because two nights before I had come to see him, I had stayed at Jake’s house after doing an entire eight ball. Tommy promised not to say anything to Mark. I felt terrible as my brother commented on how proud he was of me. Once Mark grumbled about needing sex, however, I forgot all about my relapse. I slid over to him on the couch and kissed him long and hard. Mark initially gave in, kissing me back just as hard and shoving his tongue into my eager mouth. I had his jeans unzipped and his hands were on their way under my shirt when he quickly pulled away and told me that we couldn’t.

I started crying. “I need you. I miss you. Not just the sex, but you holding me, and being in your bed.”

Mark looked as upset as I was, but he held fast. “It’s not right. You and Tommy are getting married, and our rule is if one of us is involved, then there wouldn’t be anything between us.”

He did let me lie back against his chest, his arms around my waist, in the corner of the couch, and we fell asleep for a few hours. I woke up first. I felt myself yearning to feel my brother’s embrace every night, to be with him and not Tommy. I knew it could never be, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind. That is, until I went out the next night and got falling down drunk. Upon coming home, I tried yet again to give Tommy his ring back.

I sighed as lighting another cigarette, I sat back on the bench and stared off into space, trying to let my mind drift and calm down. I closed my eyes, and suddenly opened them again as something dawned on me.

As Mark had put it in his message, I had fallen again.

The difference this time, however, was that with crystal clarity, I realized that I did not want to get back up.

As a matter of fact, it occurred to me that I had never wanted to get back up, at least not for me. I always tried to stay clean for the people who cared for me. When I was sober, they were happy. Yet while they were happy, I was miserable. If left to my own devices, I would simply keep using, keep numbing the pain. On the heels of that thought came another — each time I did straighten out, it caused more pain when I failed. In fact, by continuing to try, I was really hurting everyone around me more. Getting their hopes up, making them think that maybe this time, Megan would really be okay.

I began to nod my head, agreeing with this new found clarity that I had stumbled upon I was completely miserable right now. I was living a lie with a man who loved me who I was not in love with. The man that I kept refusing to fully acknowledge that I was in love with was the one man I could never be with. My father had all but disowned me. I had broken my mother’s heart more times than I could count, and it was only a matter of time before she found out that her loser of a daughter was fucked up again.

In the past, their hurt had forced me to try to do better, but now I knew I had been wrong. The right thing to do would be to stop trying and get it over with. Sure, I would cause one more round of pain, but it would be the last one.

One deep cut, rather than a thousand small ones.

Matter of fact, I could make it so there was no pain at all. Mark, Tommy, and Mom all claimed they would never give up on me. But what if I could make them?

I felt a pang of sadness as I knew there was nothing I could possibly do to Mom that could make her hate me. I also would not have the heart to even try to hurt the woman who had saved my life. Well, maybe not saved it, but prolonged it and gave me as many good years as she could before my inherent weakness and darkness caught up with me. No, sad to say, Mom would have to deal with one more blow to her heart, courtesy of her unworthy daughter.

Moving on, Tommy had claimed he would never quit on me, but I had no doubt I could come up with something. No sooner had that thought passed through my mind, then it struck me that it wouldn’t be that hard at all. The way to do it had been put right in front of me.

I lit yet another cigarette and began rocking back and forth as a sick form of excitement at my potential freedom built up within me.

That would just leave Mark. My excitement started to fade. How could I possibly turn my brother against me? Over the last ten years, I had put Mark through hell and almost gotten him killed defending me at the Wolves’ Den. Leaning back, I closed my eyes and again let my fevered mind drift, hoping to again catch a glimpse of what I should do.

I was not disappointed. Mark and I were both broken and, for the most part, in the same way. The one glaring difference, was that I was weak and self-destructive, letting my sorrow lead me to a life of addiction and humiliation. Mark, on the other hand, was purely destructive. My brother harbored a level of rage that was as unnatural as it was unhealthy. Even with the voice out of the picture, my brother was capable of extremely erratic behavior.

Yes, the time was now. Mark was battling insomnia, fighting for his career in a case he was expected to lose, and worried about his sister, who he now knew had failed again. I could do it. I could push him so far that he would snap tell me he was sick of me, that I was a disgrace. I would continue to egg him on. Hell, I could even get him to fuck me nice and hard first!

After all, I thought, as a slow smile spread across my face, it’s not like after tonight I would be engaged anymore. I laughed out loud at that last thought. I would take my beautiful little brother for one last wild ride, before he finally cut me loose like the anchor I was.

For once in my selfish life I was going to do everyone else a favor, and make so they would never have to worry about me again.

Flicking the cigarette away from me, I grabbed the phone from my purse and dialed Jake’s number.

“Hey Jake, its Megan. Still want that watch?”

I felt better than I had in weeks.

***** I stood in the shower, letting the hot water beat down on my back and enjoying the warm, steamy air. The shower was huge and, looking down, I saw that black marble bathtub was two-thirds full. Shutting the shower off, I turned the faucets on full blast to add some cold water before sitting down and stretching my legs. I lay back in the warm soapy water, put my feet up on the edge of the tub, and slid down as far as I could. I sighed contentedly, I would miss this tub.

I closed my eyes and smiled. I was within hours of breaking Tommy’s heart once and for all, and I felt amazingly relaxed. It was the best thing for him. Tommy would be free to find a nice girl who would appreciate him and treat him the way he deserved.

Then again, my state of relaxation might have a little to do with the pint of Captain Morgan I had been steadily sipping for the last hour. I reached over the edge of the tub, picked up the bottle, and drank the last few swallows. I sighed again as the liquor blazed a warm, happy trail through my body.

Considering how upset I was when it started, today had been a pretty good day. I traded the watch for a gram bag at Jake’s, and, after doing a couple of lines, I decided that I was feeling so good that I wanted to feel real good!

I went back to the bedroom where Amber was still sleeping, and, after stripping off my clothes, I woke her up with my tongue on her right nipple and my fingers sliding into her deliciously tight, young pussy. Amber moaned as my thumb found her clit, then, a moment later, I swung my leg over her head, putting us into a perfect sixty-nine, and we were both moaning. Amber had very little experience, and I made her cum twice before she managed to send me over the edge with her unskilled, but oh, so eager tongue.

Afterwards, I removed the small mirror from my purse and shared the rest of the coke with her. I was going to get dressed when Amber giggled. “I want to play some more,” she said.

Well, I couldn’t resist her pretty little pout, so we spent another hour, licking, fingering, sucking and teasing each other’s pussies. Amber released the cutest little squeal when she came. I also loved the shocked look on her face when the last time I came, I threw my head back and practically howled, as between her fingers and the coke, I went off like a rocket.

After dressing and leaving Jake’s, I saw that Mark had called, so I called him back. I could hear the relief in his voice change to concern as I giggled into the phone at practically everything he said. At the end of the call I agreed to meet him for coffee at the shop across from his firm, then went back home.

Tommy was there as I knew he would be, he had called out of work, not wanting to miss me when I came home. The first thing he did was try to tell me things would be okay.

I laughed, “Of course they will!” Much sooner than he thought.

He shook his head and pretty much left me alone as I flitted about the house, wired for sound. After I came down some, he tried to talk to me again. “Maybe you should go talk to your sponsor.”

“Tommy, I’m fine. It was just a slip up.” Then, remembering my plan, I asked, “Where’s Brendan?” Brendan was a friend of Tommy’s who was recently separated from his wife and was staying with us for awhile.

“He’s at work. He gets home around eight.” He went on to say something about not being disappointed in me, but I was no longer paying attention.

All I needed to know was that Brendan would be around later.

After all, he was the way I was going to get Tommy get rid of me.

I took a nap, and was admittedly a little disappointed that Tommy didn’t want to come fool around with me. Then again, he didn’t know that he only had maybe one more go around with my pretty little pussy before I left.

I got up, showered, and went to see Mark. On the way, I stopped at a pub and did a couple of quick shots. Then I met Mark at the coffee shop.

I felt the first sting of guilt that I had all day when I saw the look on my brother’s face after he hugged me. I kissed him so that he would be sure to smell the booze on my breath. We sat at a corner table and drank coffee. I noticed how worn down Mark looked. His eyes were bloodshot, and there were dark circles beneath them. While Mark awkwardly tried to keep the conversation away from my latest fall from grace, I noticed that his hand was shaking, and he was chain smoking. Back in the day, all my brother would have needed was a night in his big sister’s bed to make everything okay.

Part of me wanted to offer, but in addition to knowing Mark would say no, I didn’t want him to remember me for anything good right now.

Finally,he sighed and asked, “So what happened?”

Smiling, I answered, “I’m happier this way.”

“You want me to take you to a meeting?” he asked.

“You didn’t hear me did you?” I asked.

“Mom was asking about you today.”

My twinge of regret quickly turned into a flash of anger. Mark had tossed that out there on purpose. “Stop trying to make me feel bad.”

“Keep your damn voice down.” He whispered looking around the shop.

But I just got louder. “Are you ashamed of me?”

Mark shook his head, and rather than argue, simply put his head down.

I almost forgot myself for a moment and caught my hand reaching for his across the table. I stopped and, after a few minutes of awkward silence, changed the subject. “I saw this morning’s paper. How’s the case going?”

With a groan, he confessed, “Well, I’m talking tough, but the damn thing’s falling apart. Dimuccio’s ex is my ace-in-the-hole, but now she’s hedging. I can force her to testify, but it’s not looking good. Everyone’s afraid of Dimuccio and his connections.”

I joked, “My little brother’s not afraid of anyone.”

He quickly replied, “I’ve received over a dozen death threats. I’m carrying a .25 caliber Beretta in an ankle holster right now.”

I wasn’t laughing then. I felt my resolve waver as I realized how deep the shit my brother had gotten himself into really was. That feeling didn’t last long, though.

“Don’t worry about me,” he said. “All that matters is you right now.”

In a nutshell, this was exactly what I was trying to free my brother of, the constant burden of his sister.

Mark’s phone rang for the tenth time since we had been sitting. He rolled his eyes and answered it. Within a minute, he was all but yelling at whoever was on the other end. “If you don’t come through, I will bring you down with me!”His eyes were bulging dangerously, and when he hung up, he put his head in his hands and rubbed at his red rimmed eyes.

I nodded to myself. My brother would be ripe for the taking tomorrow.

“Well,” I said, “I have to get going. I don’t want to get Tommy worried again. I’ll call you tomorrow night.”

Mark nodded. “There’s no court tomorrow. I asked for a continuance so I could hunt down another potential witness that’s been calling me.”

Hearing that Mark would be at his office tomorrow gave me an idea. This would end up being easier than I thought. I gave Mark a kiss on the cheek, and somehow held onto my aura of not caring, even as my brother hugged me to him and whispered in my ear, “Please take care of yourself. I need you.”

But Mark only thought he needed me. He would soon see how much better off he was without me.

I sat up with a start as I heard a bang. I had dozed off and had dropped the empty liquor bottle onto the floor. Getting up out of the tub, I dried off and slipped on a black thong and the short red robe wandered out into the living room where Tommy and Brendan were watching the Sox game.

I smiled as I walked slowly past Brendan His eyes locked onto my long, shapely legs. I stopped in front of him and, turning to face Tommy, I asked him if he wanted anything. Brendan was sitting on the couch opposite Tommy. Since I was standing between them, I had no doubt that Brendan was looking directly at me.

The reason I knew that was because since he had come to stay with us, all Brendan did was stare at me. He never flirted, or said or did anything inappropriate. But they were more than casual glances. Last week, I was lying on the couch in shorts and a tight tank top, and Brendan had been sitting across from me. I dozed off, and when I woke, I caught him staring. The look in his eyes was pure lust. I remembered thinking that if I gave him a chance, he would probably take it.

Tommy said he was all set but noticed that he also looked my legs up and down, but then gave me an odd look. I sat down next to him, crossed my legs, and gave Brendan a great view of my creamy upper thigh.

For the next hour, I sat there, feigning interest in the game. All the while, I shifted my position on the couch and fidgeted to keep catching Brendan’s attention. At one point, the phone rang, and when Tommy got up to answer it, I sat back on the couch, put my feet up on the cushion, and I casually let my legs open.

Brendan’s eyes bulged. He stared at the thin strip of my black thong. I cleared my throat, and when his eyes immediately looked up, I winked at him. He blushed furiously, and, as soon as Tommy returned, he disappeared to the bathroom. When he sat next to me Tommy remarked that I should really be wearing more. I laughed and kissing him told him jealousy was an ugly emotion.

Brendan came back, and I began making a show of hanging all over Tommy, even sliding up and sitting in his lap, my long legs dangling over his. My robe hiked up near my hips. Tommy was getting aggravated. Finally announced he was going to bed. I told him I wanted to stay up to finish the game, but leaning over Tommy told me to just come to bed. I playfully flicked my tongue across his ear and whispering ‘yes sir!’ hopped up and followed him into the bedroom. I let Tommy get a few feet in front of me, then, glancing over my shoulder and seeing Brendan looking, I flipped my robe up, giving him a glimpse of my ass.

Tommy entered the bedroom and I told him I would be right in. I went into the bathroom and reached up on top of the medicine cabinet and grabbed the small packet of coke I had put up there a couple of days ago, Taking a razor blade from under the sink, I cut the coke on the edge of the sink and did three lines in rapid succession. I shook my head at the rush, then smiled at my reflection in the mirror before going to say goodbye to Tommy.

When I entered the room, Tommy was lying on his back under the covers, his eyes closed. Stripping off the robe and thong, I lifted the covers to crawl in. He was wearing a pair of pajama bottoms, a clear signal that he did not want to play. But I knew I could change his mind. Sliding in next to him, I leaned over and began tonguing his nipple.

He groaned, “Not tonight. Go to sleep.”

Ignoring him, I swirled my tongue around faster and, sliding my hand down his stomach, I grabbed his semi-hard cock through his pants. I started sliding my tongue down his chest, heading for his stomach.

Looking up at him, I let in some of my emotions from earlier. I put out my lip and felt my eyes well up with the crocodile tears that had served me so well over the years. I choked out, ” I knew it. You’re ashamed of me. You don’t want to be with me.” With that, I rolled over onto my side and waited, stifling a giggle.

As I knew he would, Tommy put his arm around my waist and whispered in my ear, “I would never be ashamed of you. I love you.”

I shrugged against him, then let out a soft sigh as he moved my hair to the side and began kissing my neck. His lips roamed from my neck to my shoulder, then, grabbing my arm, he gently rolled me over onto my back. He kissed me slowly and sweetly, his soft lips teasing across mine, and I felt my heart beating fast, and my pussy beginning to respond. I let out a contented sigh as his lips left mine and trailed down to find my left nipple. I began to run my hands across his back as he sucked on my nipple and fondled the other.

I gave him a push on his shoulders, and, taking the hint; Tommy slid down between my legs, spread my pussy, and started slowly swirling his tongue around my swollen clit. I moaned softly as he slipped two fingers inside of me while sucking my clit into his mouth. I rocked my hips gently into his face, and brought my hands up to tease my hard, pink nipples. As it always did, the cocaine heightened every sensation, and within minutes, I arched my back, wrapped my thighs around his head, and let out a loud squeal as I came for my fiancée for the final time.

Tommy stood up, slipped his pants off, and climbed back onto the bed. He slid up between my legs and slowly eased himself into my warm, wet flesh. I moaned as he began slowly thrusting his hips into me while bending his head to tease my nipple with his tongue. Tommy then slid his arms under mine, drawing us close together as he continued to move in a slow steady rhythm. His lips found mine, and he moaned in his throat as we kissed.

As he had countless times in the past, Tommy was trying to make love to me.

I let him go for longer than I usually did, figuring it was the least I could do. After a few minutes, however, I pushed against his shoulders and whispered to him. “My turn.”

He hesitated. I knew he was happy with what we were doing, but, as always, he let me take over.

Tommy let me roll him over onto his back, and I immediately slid down between his legs and took him into my mouth. I groaned at how good my pussy tasted off of his hard flesh. I took his cock all the way down in my throat and held it there, taking a minute to savor my last taste of us. I started bobbing my head in a slow, steady rhythm, enjoying the little moans He made as I worked the length of his cock with my soft, full lips. I removed his cock from my mouth, and, sliding up, I straddled his hips. We both sighed as I guided his cock to my pussy and eased him into me. I groaned as I sat up straight on him, impaling myself on his cock. I started rocking my hips, slowly at first, but after a couple of minutes, I leaned forward, braced my hands on his chest, and started bouncing up and down on him. His breathing started coming in gasps as I rode him faster and harder, driving myself on and off of his hard cock.

I leaned over further, letting my small, well-shaped tits dangle in his face, teasing my nipples across his lips as I continued to buck up and down on him. Tommy groaned, and, grabbing my hips, he began driving his cock hard into me. Within seconds, I felt his cock explode inside of me, and I resumed sliding slowly back and forth, enjoying the feel of his cock painting the inside of my pussy with his hot cum. Leaning over, I gave him a sweet kiss and lay down on top of him for a while. I closed my eyes and felt my eyes well up for real this time as I let him hold me one last time.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too.” I rolled over onto my side. Tommy put his arm around my waist for a few minutes, but, as was his habit, he eventually rolled over onto his back.

I waited until I could tell by his breathing that he was asleep, then carefully slid out of the bed. I slipped the robe back on, and, leaning over the nightstand, I set the alarm for ten minutes from now. Looking down at Tommy, I bent down and risked giving him a soft kiss on his cheek.

“I’m sorry, honey,” I whispered.

I quickly left the room and walked out into the parlor. Brendan had shut the light off, but was still watching TV.

He looked up as I came in. “Can’t sleep?” he asked.

Without a word, I walked over in front of the couch and untied the robe, letting it drop to the floor.

Brendan gasped but made no effort to look away from my naked body.

I smiled at him. “Do you like what you see?”

He finally looked away. “I can’t,” he said, “Tommy’s my friend.”

“What Tommy doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Reaching down, I grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and tugged on it.

Brendan hesitated for just a moment, then raised his hands over his head. After tossing his shirt to the side, I grabbed the back of his head and shoved his face into my right tit. He eagerly sucked almost my entire tit into his mouth as his arms encircled my waist and gave my ass a hard squeeze.

Shoving him back against the couch, I dropped to my knees, and, after pulling his pants off, I grabbed his cock and in one smooth motion, took it all the way down my throat. Brendan moaned loudly as I started sucking him fast and hard.

As I was blowing him, sucking on my second cock of the night, I found myself recalling my days at the strip clubs. Blowing guys for drugs and doing it as if it meant nothing. There was nothing in me that wanted him. He was just a means to an end.

He was moaning like an idiot and I could already feel his thighs trembling. I slid his cock from between my lips and, glancing over at the clock, saw I still had five minutes. At this rate, Brendan would cum too soon.

Standing up, I placed my hands on his shoulders and, after putting my feet on the couch one at a time, stood up on it. I placed my right foot on his shoulder and leaned forward, shoving my pussy into his face. Brendan immediately began licking my pussy, his tongue moving with almost a hint of desperation, he wanted it so bad. I let out a moan as I thought of what a nasty girl I was, having my clit sucked by two guys in less than a half hour.

I also had the passing thought, as he reached around and grabbed my ass, that this was supposedly Tommy’s best friend.

Then again, I was supposedly his fiancée.

I looked over and saw that it was almost time. I crawled off Brendan, got on my knees, and, lowering my head to rest on my folded arms, I lifted my ass in the air. He got on his knees behind me, grabbed my hips, stopped. And whispered, “I…I don’t have anything.”

“I’m on the pill, now just hurry up and fuck me!” I snapped.

Brendan didn’t have to be told twice. I put my head down and let out a muffled squeal as he drove his cock hard into me. He started fucking me fast and hard, but within a minute, he started to slow way down, trying not to cum quickly. I rolled my eyes, hoping to hell this loser could last longer than a teenager.

I put my head down to muffle my moans as he continued to fuck me. I heard Brendan begin to breathe harder, and his moans were sounding desperate.

I had just begun to wonder if I was going to have to let him cum and start sucking him again when Brendan gasped again.

This time, however, I heard him exclaim, “Oh shit!”

I looked up to see Tommy standing in the doorway, staring, dumbfounded at us. I felt Brendan slide his cock from inside of me.

“T..Tommy, I…” he blurted out. “She came onto to me, I…”

“Megan,” Tommy whispered, staring into my eyes. “H…how could you?”

Even as he spoke, I could see the tears beginning to flow from his eyes. Without missing a beat, I smiled broadly at him and said, “Oh come on Tommy! Don’t be mad!” I waggled my tongue at him provocatively. “My mouth’s all yours, baby!”

Tommy started to say something, and then, backing away, he quickly turned and all but ran from the room. I heard the door slam shut and found myself unable to believe how easy that was. I heard Brendan say something behind me.

I looked back over my shoulder at him. “Well, you going to finish or what?”

*****

“That’ll be your fourth Captain and Coke in an hour,” the bartender said as he frowned at me. “Not to mention two shots of tequila.”

But I didn’t give a shit about any bar policies they might have at Finnegan’s Wake. I was on a mission. “I appreciate the concern,” I said, “but I’m not driving. A friend of mine’s coming and I’m just getting a head start.” Then I flashed him my best smile.

He nodded and went to get it. What the fuck should he care, anyway? I gave him a five dollar tip after each round. I couldn’t see his problem with me sticking around.

I glanced at my wrist to check the time. Then I rolled my eyes. I didn’t have a watch anymore. Jake’s girlfriend had my watch. I hoped she was enjoying it. I pulled out my cell for the time.

Then my eyes drifted from my bare wrist down to my equally bare left hand. The bartender brought me the drink and after paying him, I took a sip and sighed as I thought of the events of the morning.

After Brendan finished fucking me, he packed his shit while I sat on the couch and smoked a cigarette. He came out with two duffel bags and said, “Figure I better leave.”

“Okay.” I blew smoke up into the air.

He hesitated. “I’m going to stay at a motel for a couple of nights until I figure something out?” he paused and with what I’m sure he thought was a sexy smile asked, “You wanna come along?”

I continued smoking. “Not for nothing, Brendan, but I could have had more fun by myself. No wonder your wife kicked you out.”

“Fucking cunt,” he grunted, and he left.

I did feel kind of bad. After all, my little game cost him his best friend, and who knew where he was going to stay? Then again, I sure as hell didn’t twist his arm. He did very little to resist. Besides, last thing I needed was someone with a crush on me, I was trying to get rid of people in my life, not add them. I sat on the couch and, looking over at a picture of Tommy and me, I allowed myself to shed some tears for a man who had never done anything but care about me. Eventually, I fell asleep. I woke to Tommy’s saying my name. I opened my eyes and regarded him silently, waiting to see what he would say. Tommy sat down next to me, and I felt a twinge of anxiety at the look of sadness on his face.

I hoped to hell he wasn’t going to try to forgive me. Then what the hell would I do? Turned out I had nothing to worry about. He looked me straight in the eye and said, “It’s time for you to leave. I can deal with supporting you with your problems and the baggage from your past, but I won’t be humiliated like that.”

I put my head down and nodded sadly.

“I can’t tell you did that to me, how you could be that cruel, and being strung out is no excuse!” He stood up. “I’m going to work; I’d like you gone before I come back.”

Before he walked away, I slid the diamond off of my finger and tried to give it to him.

Tommy looked at it and grunted, “You keep it. Go pawn it like you did the watch.” Turning his back on me, he walked away, muttering, “Goodbye Megan. I hope you learn how to be happy someday.”

I went and sat on the deck until Tommy left for work. Then, after taking a shower, I dressed in a very short red skirt, with a low-cut black shirt, and a pair of red stiletto heels. I packed up my clothes, my makeup and jewelry.

As I left, I glanced into the extra room that I had set up with an easel and did my painting in. I thought about packing up the paints, but why bother? I couldn’t paint when I was fucked up, and I planned on being that way from now until my body couldn’t handle it anymore.

On that note, partying cost money. It was time to see what I could scrape up.

It was payday at Sears, so I went down and grabbed my last paycheck. I shook my head in disgust as I looked at it, less than four hundred after taxes. I was thirty-one years old and making twelve dollars an hour. Hell, back in New York a couple of years ago, I was getting a hundred dollars an hour as a dominatrix at a high-end strip club. Never mind how much they paid me for private sessions. There were weeks when I made over two thousand dollars.

Yet somehow, I still managed to blow it all on, well, on blow.

That reminded me. The time was after twelve. I had a small address book in my purse, I kept telling myself to throw it out, but never did, and I looked up Julie, a girl I had lived with for a few months the last time I was in New York. Julie and I had partied together, as well as shared a bed, during that time, and she was thrilled to hear from me. I told her that I was getting tired of walking the straight and narrow and wanted to come back up for some real fun. Julie said she had an extra room then giggled as I asked her why I would need my own room. I wrote down her address and told her I would be up within a couple of days.

After cashing my check, I cleared out my meager savings, account; a whopping seven hundred dollars then headed over to the pawn shop on Broad Street where I got four hundred dollars for pawning my engagement ring, and a diamond pendant Tommy had bought me for my thirtieth birthday. I had several other pieces of decent jewelry but figured I would save them for when I would need money up in New York. I started to feel bad about selling the ring, but shrugged it off. Tommy said to do it. Why make a liar out of him? I smiled at that thought. I was already enjoying my new found freedom. Well, I wasn’t free yet; there was still Mark to deal with.

Mark’s being at the office today was going to make things even easier for me to get him to rid himself of me. I was already dressed slutty, all that remained was to chill out at a bar for awhile and get myself good and buzzed. I finished the drink and called over to the bartender to bring me one more shot. I salted my hand, licked it, and threw back the shot. I put a ten on the counter, and slowly made my way out of the bar.

I got into the car and drove carefully through downtown until I reached the building where Mark’s firm was. Parking down the street, I walked the last block, enjoying the looks of all the guys I passed. I entered Mark’s building and took the elevator up to his floor. Getting off, I made my way down to the suite of offices where my brother worked.

I walked past the receptionist, who started to say something, but stopped when I saw my brother standing in the conference room doorway and I loudly called his name. Mark was standing with Jim Howard, the head of his firm, and two other men in suits.

My timing couldn’t be better!

Mark didn’t hear me and as I drew closer.

I could hear one of the men, a guy with grey hair wearing a black suit, yelling, “I knew this would happen! I should have never listened to you! You’re out of your league!”

My brother put his hands out and told him, “All I need is a few more days and I’ll nail this.”

The man shook his head. “I’ve looked bad long enough!”

I saw Mark start to talk, but Jim got in front of him and started talking softly to the guy, his hands up in a placating gesture. As he spoke Mark, stepped back and started to speak with the other man who had been standing there.

Taking a deep breath, I started walking towards them and called out, “Hey, Mark!”

They all turned to look at me. I gave a big smile and wave, even though I was only a few feet away from them. One of the men’s eyes dropped down to my long legs, but Jim and the guy who had been yelling at Mark simply stared at me. I let my eyes focus on Mark and saw his eyes widen as I approached. I knew that he could tell I was drunk and an ‘oh shit’ look appeared on his face. I walked past the guy who had been yelling and, reaching Mark, I threw my arms around his shoulders and gave him a huge wet kiss on his cheek.

“Surprise!” I exclaimed.

“Megan,” Mark whispered. “What the hell are you…”

“I came to see you!” I said, still standing with my arm around his neck.

“Sis, please,” he said softly. “You can’t…”

The guy in the black suit asked, “And who exactly do we have here, Mark? One of your little playmates?”

“No, Barry,” Mark said quietly. “This is my sister Megan.”

“Your sister?” Barry asked, looking me up and down.

“Yup!” I said, giving him a huge smile. “See the resemblance?” I pressed my cheek to Mark’s face.

Mark quickly pulled away from me. I turned to look at him and he said quietly in Latin, “Get out Megan! Please!”

The other man laughed and said, “I do actually, but I have to say you’re much prettier.”

Barry shook his head, and I saw Jim behind him pointing at Mark, then at me.

“Well, Megan,” Barry said my name with disdain. “Your brother is a little busy at the moment. We are discussing…”

“You weren’t discussing,” I said, shaking my head. “You were yelling.” I now nodded sadly. “Yelling at my brother.” I made a clucking sound with my tongue. “Not very nice, Barry.”

“I…” Barry looked at my brother. “Mr. Phillips, do you think you could have this little family reunion on your time?”

As Barry spoke, I stared hard at him. I had seen him somewhere before. Mark was uncharacteristically stammering, but I didn’t hear. I was trying to think. Then it dawned on me where I had seen good ole Barry.

Oh, this was just getting better by the minute!

“Hey! I know you!” I said, tapping Barry on the chest. “I’ve seen you before.”

“I’m the attorney general dear,” Barry said condescendingly. “I’m sure you’ve seen me on the news.”

“I know who you are,” I said, smirking. “I voted for the other guy,” I laughed. “So did Mark.”

“Megan!” Mark snapped.

“Well…” Barry began, but I cut him off.

“Nope, I know where I’ve seen you.” I winked at him. “Down at Mario’s, you used to come in through the back, and stay in the VIP room!”

“I…I don’t go to those places, young lady, I think you…”

“Oh, no, I don’t forget a face.” I smiled. “See, I worked there for a couple of months and saw you a few times.” Stepping away from my brother, I did a playful spin. “You don’t recognize me?”

“I’m telling you…”

“Well, I guess you wouldn’t. I mean, I’m wearing clothes now, and I’m sure you weren’t looking at my face.”

“Mark, do something,” Jim snapped.

“Megan, I need to talk to you,” Mark said, grabbing my arm.

“You’re wrong,” Barry said. “I never saw you at any….”

“Sure you did, but only on stage,” I laughed again as Mark began to guide me into the conference room. “If I remember right, you had a thing for blonds! Used to take them in the back…”

I stopped as my brother all but threw me into the conference room and slammed the door, and pulling the blinds down on the window turned to face me.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he exclaimed.

“Aww, don’t be mad!” I stepped up and put my arms around his neck. “I came to visit you, little brother!” I leaned into him. “Give your sexy big sister a kiss.”

“You’re drunk!” Mark snapped, pushing me away from him.

“Well, duh,” I said, giggling. “And I really did see that guy at Mario’s.” I pursed my lips in thought. “Come to think of it, I may have even given him a lap dance.” I shrugged. “Who knows? I used to be all messed up there.”

“Megan…”

“Mark!” I smiled at him.

Mark looked as if he were about to snap. I waited. Instead, he put his head down for a moment, then, looking back at me, said quietly “Megan, you need to leave. Please, sis, this could cost me my job!”

“You don’t want to see me?” I asked.

“Not now. I’ll see you later.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Just go home.”

“I don’t have a home,” I said, shrugging.

“What do you mean?”

“Tommy threw me out, see!” I showed Mark my bare left hand.

“Oh, Megan,” Mark said softly. “What did…”

“I mean, jeez, fuck a guy’s best friend on his couch and he gets all upset!” I let out that giggle that I knew Mark hated. The one I only made when I was drunk. “So I got nowhere to go Mark!” I reached out to touch his face. “So I came to see you!”

“Megan, get out!” Mark snapped. “I don’t have time for your shit right now!”

“Oh, that’s nice!” I snapped back at him. “Yesterday you said nothing else was more important, but now….”

“Here!” Mark reached into his pocket and handed me a set of keys. “Get out of here and go to my place. Go sleep it off, and I’ll be there later.”

Before I could speak, there was a knock on the door.

“Mark?” It was Jim. “Get your ass out here. He’s going to leave!”

Grabbing me by the arm Mark pulled me back to the door. “Now keep your mouth shut and go wait for me!”

“Yes sir!” I said.

Mark was just starting to open the door when I quickly turned into him and, catching him off guard, I kissed him hard on the lips. The door was part way open and Mark spun me to the side and away from him so hard I almost fell. Grabbing me by the arm again, he practically dragged me through the door and back out into the foyer. As soon as we were out, Mark called out, “Joe!”

I looked up to see the security guard get up from the desk and come over.

“Take my sister downstairs and walk her to her car, please.”

“Of course,” Joe said and gave me a smile. “Right this way, miss.”

“Oh, fine,” I said to Mark. “I see how you are. Put a suit on you and you forget where you came from.” I made a disgusted noise. “Sorry I have problems! Can’t all be perfect like they think you are!”

“Ma’am please,” Joe said quietly next to me.

“Okay,” I nodded and started to walk with him.

As we passed Barry, who was looking in the other direction, I pulled away from Joe and standing directly in front of him, I looked into his eyes and whispered in my best smoky voice, “Hey baby, you just sit back and let Raven give you a little show.” Barry’s eyes widened and I smiled wickedly at him. “Oh, you do recognize me, don’t you baby?”

I quickly turned away from him and, after winking at Mark, who looked as if he wanted to crawl into a hole, I took Joe’s arm.

“Lead the way!” I said happily, then squeezing his arm added loudly. “Hey you’re in real good shape! What are you doing later?”

Joe rolled his eyes, but laughed and gave me a smile as we walked away. Behind us I heard the other guy say, “Mark, is that lipstick on your mouth?”

I smiled as Joe led me down the corridor.

Oh, was I going to get it when my brother got home.

*****

I was standing in the middle of my forest, and for the first time in years, I felt at peace. I smiled as I looked around to see several small animals scurrying through the thick bushes, and running across the branches of the tall trees. I took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh clean air and, bending over, removed my shoes. I began to walk along, reveling in the feeling of the thick, soft grass beneath my bare feet.

It had been a long time since I had been here, but nothing had changed, it was as beautiful and peaceful as ever. I came upon the small pond that I would always sit by and saw that my easel was still set up there, as if I had never left. I sat on the edge of the pond, dipped my toes into the cool water and, looking around, felt tears of happiness fill my eyes. It was absolutely perfect here, no pain or sorrow, no struggles or humiliation. Just peace.

That peace was shattered by the loud beeping of Mark’s alarm clock. Swinging my arm out to the side, I hit the button to shut it off, and, rolling over onto my back, stared at my reflection in the mirrored ceiling. Knowing that this was the last time I would be lying in Mark’s amazing bed, I had stripped naked, and I loved the look of my ivory skin on his black sheets. As I stretched, I thought back to my dream of my forest. It had been years since I had been able to will myself to go there, but I had no doubt that it would be waiting for me when I left this place of pain.

My attention turned back to my reflection, and I arched my back further, pushing out my perky tits and stretching my long legs. I’d had quite a bit to drink, and, after driving the few blocks to Mark’s apartment and letting myself in, and had gone straight to bed. It had been two-thirty, and gambling that Mark, if for no other reason than to avoid me, would not be home for a few hours, I set the alarm for five and went out like a light. At first, I was surprised that I didn’t wake up with a hangover, and then thought that this was yet another sign that I was doing the right thing. Even knowing what was coming with my brother, I felt rested and relaxed.

I watched in the mirror as I slowly slid my long red-tipped nails along the soft skin of my stomach, then reaching my tits, I cupped them, and moaned softly as I began playing with my nipples. I let my right hand trail down between my open legs, and moaned again as I slipped my finger into my always eager pussy. I slipped my finger from inside and started rubbing my clit in hard fast circles, while squeezing my nipple harder.

I gasped as I could already feel an orgasm building within me. As good as I looked playing with myself, I closed my eyes and envisioned my beautiful little brother over me, thrusting that huge, hard cock into his sister’s needy little pussy. My fingers began stroking my clit faster and feeling myself right on the edge, gave my nipple a hard twist. I threw my head back and cried out my brother’s name as I came, writhing and squealing on his bed. I removed my hand from my pussy, and after bringing my fingers to my lips so I could suck on them, let out a long sigh. I would miss this incredible bed nowhere near as much as I would miss my brother, but I knew it would be for the best.

Forcing myself to get up, I slipped my red thong back on, but left my clothes on the floor. Walking over to Mark’s closet, I found the short black silk robe that I’d left here, because he loved me in it. I left the bedroom and, going over to the small bar Mark had in the living room, I grabbed a glass and a bottle of Southern Comfort. I sat down on the couch after filling the glass and taking a couple of sips, picked up my purse where I had left it on the floor. I removed one of the two packets of cocaine I had bought and opening it, poured it directly onto Mark’s glass coffee table. I went back into the purse and finding the razor blade I had folded up into a napkin, used it to cut the coke into four lines. I rolled up a twenty and did the first line.

“Damn!” I exclaimed.

The only advantage to being straight for a few months was that I had lost my tolerance and the coke hit me hard. Grabbing the glass of Southern, I sat back on the couch and waited for Mark to come home.

It wasn’t an easy wait, as even though I was steadily sipping at my drink, the cocaine was calling to me. I told myself I still had another gram and why not? But I had no idea when Mark would be home, and I knew I would want some for afterwards, to take the sting out of how guilty I would feel when I made my brother throw me out of his life. I held off, and just sat there, staring off into space and wondering how long it would be before I would get to stay in my forest all the time. Weeks, maybe months. Who knew? I planned on having as much fun as possible before I went.

I sat up quickly when I heard Mark’s key in the front door. Leaning over the table, I quickly did two lines in succession, leaving the last one. I put my glass down next to it so it would not be visible right away. I heard Mark close the door behind him in the hallway. I leaned back on the couch and stretched my legs out. Mark entered the room and I felt my heart begin to race from something other than the coke as I saw the look of anger already on his face. “Hey baby,” I said. “Why so late? Your sexy sister’s been waiting for you.”

“Cut the shit, Megan!” Mark snapped at me as he stood in front of the couch. “I can’t believe you came to see me like that! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Oh, come on, Mark!” I laughed, sitting up. “I was just playing. Those stiffs looked like they could use some fun!”

“Oh, they had some fun alright! They had a lot of fun asking me all about my fucked up sister, was she really a stripper? Hey, Barry, did she really dance for you?”

“I might have,” I shrugged, then laughed. “John’s, Barry’s they all look the same after a while.”

Before he could say anything, I stood up from the couch and walked up to him.

“What about you, baby, you look like you could use a little fun yourself.”

I reached out to put my hand on his shoulder, but he shoved it away.

“You think this is funny, Megan? Think ruining my career is funny?”

“Oh, come on,” I told him. “They’ll get over it they…”

“They took me off the fucking case!” Mark yelled.

I stopped for a moment as what he said sank in.

“They did?” I asked softly.

“Yeah, sis, they did, Jim’s going to try to get them to change their minds tomorrow, but it isn’t looking good!”

That case was my brother’s shot at junior partner, a launching point for his career. No, I told myself, this was perfect and Mark would get another chance, he was too good not too.

“Well, hey, look at the bright side!” I said, spreading my arms open. “Now you’ll have plenty of time to spend with me!”

“Megan, you are the last person I want to fucking spend time with right now!” he yelled at me.

“Awww,” I gave him the pout. “You don’t mean that, little brother.” I walked up to him and, batting my eyelashes, said. “Come on, baby, let me make it up to you! Let your nasty big sister show you what she does best.”

“What’s that, sis, fuck shit up?”He asked, stepping away again. “I can’t fucking believe you did that to me!” he yelled. “I’m good to you, Megan, for a long time I was the only one that was, and you do this to me?”

“All about you huh, Mark?” I asked, shaking my head. “Your job, your reputation, oh, poor you!” I put my hand on my chest. “Your poor sister doesn’t even have a place to live, and it’s all about you!”

“You don’t have a place to live because you’re a drunken whore!” Mark snarled at me. “And damn straight my job matters! I’ve worked my ass off to prove I’m better than all those rich little pricks that have had their jobs handed to them!”

“Yeah, ‘better than’ is exactly what you are these days, isn’t it, Mark?” I asked him. “Better than your sister who made you what you are, now you call me a whore!”

“You didn’t make me, I…”

“You were sitting in a corner of a group home when we found you,” I reminded him. “Staring at walls and talking to your little friend in your head. The only person you talked to until you met me. But, hey, you don’t owe me for anything, right? You would have done just fine for yourself!”

“You,” He stopped and seemed to notice the bottle on the table for the first time. “You’re fucking drunk again.” He shook his head. “There’s no point in yelling at you, you’re not even going to remember it.”

“You know, little brother, you’re right.” I approached him again and this time he let my hand drift up to his face. “We shouldn’t be fighting, especially because,” I held up my left hand, “I’m a free woman again! We can play now.”

“Megan, I don’t even want to see you, never mind fuck you. Go to bed.”

Mark turned back to me. “You’re not my sister.” He said quietly. “My sister wouldn’t hurt me like that.”

As Mark spoke I saw to my dismay that the angry look had left his face and he looked upset. He was giving in to his hurt rather than getting mad like he always did. Well, one way to fix that.

“That’s not true, Mark, see this” I pointed at myself, “is your sister.”

Reaching down, I picked up the glass and took a huge swallow.

“So I like to party, who cares? Better learn to deal with it, Mark, because I’m tired of playing good girl!”

“Megan, you’re drunk.” He said simply. “Just go to bed and….”

As he spoke I put the glass down on the table next to the coke, banging it loudly. Mark’s eyes followed the noise, and he stopped in mid-sentence as his eyes found the white powder. I watched in sick anticipation as I saw his eyes darken.

“You…” he stopped as if he couldn’t get the words out. “You… brought coke into my house.” He finished, his voice trembling.

“Well, yeah, where else was I…”

“Are you out of your fucking mind?!?” he screamed at me. “I’m working for the fucking state! I have people fucking watching my every move, and you bring coke into my fucking house?”

“Mark I…”

“What the fuck is the matter with you?” he demanded. “Jesus fucking Christ, Megan, how dare you do this to me!”

“Well it’s not like I bought it here or…”

“I don’t care where you bought it!” Mark shouted. “I…I knew you were drinking, but fucking coke again, Meg? Do you like being a fucking loser? You want to be called ‘easy bake’ again?”

“What if I do?” I asked, letting out a deliberate giggle. “Megan’s boring, ‘easy bake’ is fun!”

As Mark stared angrily at me, I laughed.

“Speaking of fun!”

Stepping away from him I went over to the table and, grabbing the twenty, went to do the last line.

“No!!” Mark cried out.

“Oh I… oh shit!” I exclaimed.

Mark had stepped forward and kicked the coffee table. The glass shattered and the bottle of Southern went into the air to break against the wall, showering his expensive couch with its contents.

“Don’t you ever do that shit in front of me!” Mark screamed in my face.

“You asshole!” I snapped, recovering from my shock. “That was expensive stuff!” Then I smiled and started to undo my robe. “Now you have to make it up to me by fucking me nice and hard!”

“You’re fucking sick!” Mark said. He was breathing heard, and as I watched he put his hand to his temple and winced. “I don’t want you, Megan.”

“Oh, going to play hard to get, are you?” I asked as I stepped up to him. “Okay, please, Mark?”

I reached out to touch his face and cried out in surprise and pain as, with a backhanded swing, he slapped my hand away from him.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” he yelled at me. “I don’t want you, you fucking skank! You want to get laid, go back to selling yourself on the fucking corner, but stay the hell away from me!”

I looked at my hand, shocked. When I looked back up at Mark, he was also looking at my hand, and then turning quickly, he began to walk towards his bedroom.

“Hey!” I yelled. “Don’t you dare walk away from me!”

I began to follow him down the hallway.

“Who the hell do you think you are, treating me like that?” I demanded.

“Stay away from me,” Mark yelled over his shoulder as he reached his bedroom.

I jumped back as, entering his room; Mark slammed the door in my face. I heard a click as he locked it.

“Get your ass out here,” I yelled through the door. “Face me like a man, you little bitch!”

I found I was really mad. I, of course, had wanted to piss Mark off, but I wanted him to at least want to take it out on me, take his sister one more time before I made him truly hate me. I was also angry that Mark kept getting mad, but then seemed to keep calming himself down, as if he didn’t really want to fight. I banged on the door again.

“What’s the matter, Mark? Can’t handle me anymore? Used to those little girls you fuck with?”

“At least I know where they’ve been!” he yelled through the door. “Now either go to sleep, or go get wasted somewhere, but stay the fuck away from me!”

Mark had screamed this so loud, I stepped back away from the door. I shook my head. This was not going to work. If I let it go here, Mark would go to bed, and by tomorrow morning he would try to reason with me. Looking down at the doorknob, I remembered that I still had the keys Mark gave me at his office. Walking back out into the parlor, I grabbed the keys and, making my way back to his bedroom, inserted the key and, turning it, quickly shoved the door open and entered the room.

Mark had lit the candelabras and was standing in front of his bureau. He had removed his shirt and was starting to undo his belt when he turned to look at me.

“Get the fuck out of my room!” he snarled.

“No!” I said, walking right up to him. “You do not tell me what to do you little shit, you got that?” I asked him. “You remember your place!”

I pointed down at my feet.

“Get on your knees and…”

“I told you I don’t want you!” Mark snapped.

I forced myself to hold my ground as Mark stood directly in front of me, his bulging eyes looking into mine.

“This isn’t the game, Megan, I am not touching you, I will not lower myself to touch, a fucking crack whore, even if it’s you! Now get out!”

“I…” I was speechless at the amount of sheer venom in my brother’s voice.

“You’re a disgrace!” he continued. “A failure! All you do is hurt the people who help you, and I’m fucking sick of it!

He gave me another shove towards the door.

“Tell you what? Think you’re so funny? Go see Mom like that!” Mark yelled. “Go show Denise what her little girl has been up to! I…”

Mark stopped, as hearing my mother mentioned sent me over the edge. I swung my right hand up and caught my brother hard across the face. Mark’s eyes widened and I swear they began to get even darker.

“You… hit me.” he whispered.

“Don’t you talk about my mother!” I yelled in his face. “She doesn’t deserve…”

“An addict for a daughter!” Mark finished. “That’s what she doesn’t deserve you fucking…”

I hit him again, this time with my left hand and even harder, hard enough that I felt the impact all the way up my arm. Mark’s head snapped to the side, and when he whipped it around, I was already swinging with my right again. I cried out as he caught my wrist, and, as I tried to pull it away, he squeezed hard enough to make me cry out in pain. Still holding my wrist, Mark yanked me into him;

“For the last time get away from me you… Oww!”

With a rage driven by the cocaine, I reached up and, hooking my fingers into a claw, raked them across Mark’s neck, drawing blood. Taking advantage of his surprise, I yanked my hand free and swung up and around, slapping him in the mouth with the back of my hand.

“Take that back!” I screamed as I hit him. “Take… huh!”

I gasped as moving faster than my eyes could follow, Mark’s left hand came up and grabbed my throat. My rage was replaced by a stab of fear as I looked into my brother’s face. His eyes were not only black, but were bulging. The veins in his neck were standing out, and his lip was curled into a snarl. Worse, I could feel his hand trembling around my neck, as his powerful fingers dug into my soft skin.

“Oh, you fucking bitch.” Mark hissed, blood dripping from his mouth.

“M…Mark…you’re hurting me,” I choked out.

“You wanted the game.” He whispered.

“N..no I…”

I cried out again as Mark’s hand left my throat to grab a fist full of my hair. He grabbed it close to the back of my head, pulling it hard and forcing me to bend my head back.

“Oh, yes, whore, it’s time you were shown your place once and for all.”

The thought of Mark fucking me in his present state frightened me, and, despite my plan, I found myself trying to stop him.

“I…I’m sorry Mark,” I whispered as my eyes filled up with tears from the pain in my scalp.

“Sorry? Damn straight you’re sorry, sorriest fucking whore I’ve ever seen.” He smiled through the blood in his mouth. “But not sorry enough. Now get on your knees!” he snapped.