Monday, 24 January 2011

I love this cheery jelly that Daisy and Fred made a couple of weeks ago.

It's how I'd like to be feeling.

I'm definitely feeling better than I was but I'm still a long way off normal and I find weekends and my days off work the hardest of all - because there's no structure or routine. And I'm just not good on my own. It's too easy to find myself sitting and crying, unable to do anything to pull myself out of despair - no matter how many times I remind myself how lucky I am to have a lovely family, home, friends, job, life etc. I've found I don't cry if I'm knitting but I find it hard to motivate myself to start knitting in the first place.

Hopefully a new ball of gorgeous pink sock wool bought this morning will inspire me.

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Thank you all so much for your support - I have been overwhelmed! I have tried to reply to everyone but some of your comments had "no-reply" so if I haven't thanked you personally THANK YOU!

A late Christmas present arrived this weekend

One that I had ordered for myself ;o)

And it is absolutely lovely.

I read it on Sunday afternoon and was delighted to realise that I was getting itchy fingers again so on Monday morning Dot dragged me outside to help tidy up the sewing room and I got busy cutting out the fabrics for this fabulous winter quilt.

The only problem now is that I can't find the sewing machine leads anywhere! I had my machine in the house in November when we were having lots of renovations done and I think the leads have been tidied away somewhere.

Monday, 3 January 2011

Well that was quite a long and unexpected bloggy break - sorry about that and thank you for the kind emails you have sent asking if things were ok.

Unfortunately things haven't been ok for quite a few months.

I've had problems with severe anxiety for over 15 years and have pretty much learnt how to live with it with the help of good old prozac but earlier this year, in my wisdom, I decided that I was "better" and didn't need the medicine anymore.

Oh how wrong I was.

And although I came off the tablets gradually the dramatic crash when I hit rock bottom wasn't gradual at all.

I quickly got myself back on my medicine and things started to improve but then I became severely depressed as well.

I'm used to dealing with anxiety and keeping busy to distract myself but the total nothingness of depression was something new and I haven't known how to deal with it.

From knitting 6 different projects at once I found myself unable to craft or read or do anything at all and that was hard.

I think I'm beginning to get better - although each day is difficult - and I have decided to try to "blog myself better". I've always found blogging to be the perfect way to celebrate the little things that make life lovely and now more than ever I need to notice and appreciate those little things.