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Hello homos n' allies! At last season's glorious end, I announced my intention to write the first episode of Season Five on this blog. This's clearly for our [our=me, you, and everyone we know] own entertainment and humility, as I suspect I.C.'s not about to call me and offer to buy it, though if she did, I think it'd change everything and possibly make up for the swift untimely death of D.Fairbanks and 65% of the other sins she's committed, including the wrong kind of Pride. Not the "GO LESBIANS!" kind, but the kind that might prevent her from hiring a writer who habitually hates on her.

Dear Ilene,

They say you only hurt the ones you love.

Love,Riese

However, since I'm very busy doing things like writing free columns for OurChart [seriously, I'm getting to it, I love you OurChart!] and posts for my other blog, I've decided to present this script in segments, otherwise I'll never do it, 'cause it'll take forever to finish the whole thing and I like smaller projects, obvs. I tend to ramble, anyhow. E.g., right now.

This isn't in correct screenplay format. Sorz. Today I present the scene that happens before the credits, which I wrote a few months ago, but it's still fresh.

SHANE'S BED: AMShane's wakes up with a pretty girl who's staring lustfully into her eyes. Shane shoots the girl a brief dismissive smile as the girl wakes up, kisses her on the forehead swiftly. The girl reaches for her but is rebuffed as Shane exits the room.

SHANE AND JENNY'S KITCHEN: AMSHANE walks into the kitchen in her underwear and wifebeater, starts making coffee.

GIRL[From other room]:Where's your computer?

SHANE[Can't hear]:

What?

The girl enters, wearing Shane's Hugo Boss briefs.

GIRL:Mind if I keep these?

SHANE:Yeah, sure, whatever--uh--do you need a ride home or something?

GIRL:Where's your computer?

SHANE:Oh! Computer. No. Don't have one. I just use Jenny's, but I wouldn't uh--I wouldn't go in there if I were you.

ALICE:[Normal volume:]So I thought, what the hell, you know? Early bird gets the worm. I mean, we can always have these later, whatever, I'm not in a hurry.[To herself, mostly:]Traffic was a bitch.

SHANE:Al--I uh--what are you---

ALICE:I just, Shane, I don't want you turning to cocaine or to you know, a car crash of some sort, let's not get all high drama here--because Shane, I'm your friend, and I'm here for you, and we're going to work this through the healthy way. We all get broken hearts sometimes--I've been there too, as you know, that whole Dana shrine--

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comments:

I think the I.C. conglomerate should employ you - not only for your script writing abilities and stance re: the theme song - but also because of your stellar flair for cross-marketing and cross-promotion.

edlima, yay for catching the reference! thought jenny'd be the kind of girl to [obvs] create events for the purpose of her book, but also the type to name-drop something she's got no right to name-drop, cuz she's not a good writer.