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Gamers and Relationships

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to balance the two. I've been dating a non-gamer girl for 5 years; and after Dragon Age Origins, I'm not sure if she can handle another 200+ hour game. Yes; I probably spent that ammount of time playing it... deluxe addition with all the add-ons for PS3; I`m a trophy {word meaning one who engages in sexual acts for financial compensation has been redacted} for that sort of thing.

Just curious on others thoughts on it; mainly if it`s possible to have the games and the girl. Alas; my copy of Dark Souls shall remain in the cellophane for quite sometime

Re: Gamers and Relationships

No worries, I'm a non-gamer girl (well... 85% of the time, I play if I ask my fiancé). I've been with him for 3 years now and I've grown to love him being a gamer. <3 I find it so cute when he plays and concentrate. Haha, all I can say is tht she's good when she accepts who you are and what you do. I really accept my fiancé being a gamer, and well I love them. My brother is a gamer and I grew up being exposed to many guys who are like that and I end up loving them. lol

But that's not good you spend time more with games than your partner you're with. No balance at all and you have priorities, if you put it this way: would you like it if she does that to you and you're no gamer or anything else like that.

Is it amazing to say whenever he's leveling up his paladin he's able to pay attention to me whenever I talk and repeat things I said? If a guy can do that I'll make him a sandwich ONLY in an apron. (;

Re: Gamers and Relationships

Yeah, my bf is a gamer. He used to be borderline professional at the earlier COD. And played Starcraft nonstop.

While now he doesn't game as much. I still rarely see him because he works from 6AM-2PM and from 4PM-2AM.

With any relationship you have to spend some time together willingly.... And your a dbag of a boyfriend if all you do is sit on your butt all day and play video games. When you start dating it isn't just about you anymore it's about the BOTH of you. This applies to every couple and not just video game couples.

So yeah it's possible to date a non-gamer. Unless you yourself suck and put yourself before your partner and the sake of your relationship. Then your just a self centered gamer who deserves to be alone in your mothers basement. The end :]

Re: Gamers and Relationships

As long as you both spend enough time together doing things you both like it should be fine. She should understand that it's what you like to do and she should have something she enjoys just as much to spend that time doing, or just cuddle up next to you and watch you play for a bit. Perhaps you could get a few 2 player games and ask if she wants to play with you. As for me, me and my bf are both hard core gamers, most of the time we decide to play video games over anything else and we're quite happy to just watch each other play for a while. I am a lucky girl. =]
You can make it work you just need to not play for too long, perhaps every now and then have a full night of gaming to yourself but then accept that you can't do it all the time. Most of all just make sure you are able to both stay happy, that's the important thing. Don't ignore her, she needs as much attention as the console haha, but don't change yourself completely for her.
P.S. I'm watching my brother play Dark Souls at the moment haha Brilliant game but seriously annoying. That's probably a hard one to play around the gf because you can't pause.

Re: Gamers and Relationships

Well, I'm not really good at this sorta thing, mainly because I'm not good enough for relationships, but you realistically are going to have to give up some time. So, instead of 200 + you are looking at 100 - hours.

heres my idea of balance

In my car, i keep an emergency kit. You know whats in it? A gameboy and a case of natty so i have something to do while my girl walks to the nearest gas station.
MLIB

But sereously. If you cant balance the two, then make a choice. Because its not gonna work. my girl and i both like games but we like each other much more. so it works out nicely. We'll use vidoe games to make bets. Loser has to do something for the winner *wink with evil smirk* and luckily, i'm a better gamer than her. Giggity giggity goo bahahahaha

Re: heres my idea of balance

I am a gamer - mostly the Call of Duty series and the Medal of Honor series, while my girlfriend has played nearly all of the Final Fantasy games at least once; and I agree with DerGerman, even though me and Julie love games, we love one another a hell of a lot more, so there's perfect balance for us.

Re: Gamers and Relationships

There is no reason why you cannot have both "gaming" and a relationship. However, if you're so much of a "Gamer" that you do not have an adequate amount of time or attention to put into a relationship, perhaps you are not ready for one yet. No one likes being ignored.

I mean ... you could always marry Princess Zelda or ... another video game character. Pixels are low-maintenance, and they don't sass!

Re: Gamers and Relationships

Originally Posted by Miss Moonlight

There is no reason why you cannot have both "gaming" and a relationship. However, if you're so much of a "Gamer" that you do not have an adequate amount of time or attention to put into a relationship, perhaps you are not ready for one yet. No one likes being ignored.

I mean ... you could always marry Princess Zelda or ... another video game character. Pixels are low-maintenance, and they don't sass!

Originally Posted by DerGerman

In my car, i keep an emergency kit. You know whats in it? A gameboy and a case of natty so i have something to do while my girl walks to the nearest gas station.
MLIB

But sereously. If you cant balance the two, then make a choice. Because its not gonna work. my girl and i both like games but we like each other much more. so it works out nicely. We'll use vidoe games to make bets. Loser has to do something for the winner *wink with evil smirk* and luckily, i'm a better gamer than her. Giggity giggity goo bahahahaha

I..... i think i love you both.... is there any way that we could have a 3 way relationship deal going on here?

And yeh, on topic. You are gonna have to choose between the two. less video game time or a more time and no girlfriend. If you choose the latter..... than i hate you with a burning passion lol.

"“Loneliness is a disease that can lead to death. They might as well be the same thing.”---spice and wolf

“When you're surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you're by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you're really alone.” -- Fiona Apple

Re: Gamers and Relationships

If the girl doesn't get in the way of your gaming, then there's no problem. Otherwise just dump her.

Or, you can be smarter and assess yourself before you get into a relationship;

Don't date someone unless you know for sure that you can devote time and energy into a relationship. Dumping someone because he or she wants the obvious time and respect that she or he deserves in a relationship because you can't get up off the couch from playing WoW doesn't make much sense. At least, that's what a mature and responsible adult would do; the former would suggest otherwise.

Re: Gamers and Relationships

Can anyone give me dating advice? (this does sound pathetic but I have very limited social skills as i was always a loner)
I believe such vital information that can be given to me will open a new chapter in my life, a road to happiness

Re: Gamers and Relationships

Originally Posted by Miss Moonlight

Or, you can be smarter and assess yourself before you get into a relationship;

Don't date someone unless you know for sure that you can devote time and energy into a relationship. Dumping someone because he or she wants the obvious time and respect that she or he deserves in a relationship because you can't get up off the couch from playing WoW doesn't make much sense. At least, that's what a mature and responsible adult would do; the former would suggest otherwise.

It makes sense to me. If the mature thing to do is to compromise on hobbies and passions for a relationship, then immature is better.

Re: Gamers and Relationships

Originally Posted by Wio

It makes sense to me. If the mature thing to do is to compromise on hobbies and passions for a relationship, then immature is better.

The mature thing to do would be not to engage in a relationship until you've gotten you priorities in check. In my common-sense way of thinking, i'd put someone I cared about over my "hobbies", or find a way to make them both work. Plus it's cleaner; it just doesn't make sense to get into a relationship and have to dump someone because you didn't bother to get yourself in order beforehand. If you know gaming is your top priority beforehand, why get into a relationship? it's not fair nor considerate to your partner.

If the relationship absolutely doesn't work out due to personal differences, then yes, obviously a breakup is in order. But it sounds extraordinarily stupid to dump someone because your partner ("got in the way of") your gaming.

If your partner "gets in the way" of your gaming and not the other way around, the the choice is obvious; you don't belong with a person, you belong with your gaming. Unless until you find a way to make it work.

I mean plus, I would think this would also make you look better, don't you think? unless you would rather be painted as "guy who had to dump someone because there was not enough time to level up my warrior to level 4943".

Re: Gamers and Relationships

Agreed. If you don't want to spend time together and label time spent together as "them getting in the way of ____. I could be doing ____ instead of hanging out with said bf/gf. I'm sorry but you shouldn't think of the person you are dating as something like extra weight or a chore or something. You shouldn't think "omgggg I HAVE to hang out with my gf/bf today... I want to continue playing this game I've been playing for the past 6 days." It should be like "AWHHH I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU! I've been sooo busy playing this game, I miss youuuu!"

Also you shouldn't force them to play games with you. If you don't like gaming, well you two are together so there as got to be SOMETHING else you both enjoy that you can do together besides you forcing them to play games. Though them willing is always a bonus! =D

Re: Gamers and Relationships

Originally Posted by blueangel06661

Agreed. If you don't want to spend time together and label time spent together as "them getting in the way of ____. I could be doing ____ instead of hanging out with said bf/gf. I'm sorry but you shouldn't think of the person you are dating as something like extra weight or a chore or something. You shouldn't think "omgggg I HAVE to hang out with my gf/bf today... I want to continue playing this game I've been playing for the past 6 days." It should be like "AWHHH I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU! I've been sooo busy playing this game, I miss youuuu!"

Also you shouldn't force them to play games with you. If you don't like gaming, well you two are together so there as got to be SOMETHING else you both enjoy that you can do together besides you forcing them to play games. Though them willing is always a bonus! =D

"Yea, man. I dumped my girl because she was all "hey, you never spend time with me, you're always glued to the screen! you haven't moved from your position in a week! plus, you smell!" then I was all, "mom, get me some cheesy poofs."

... I would think in that case, you'd probably be doing a favor to the person by dumping them.

Re: Gamers and Relationships

I'm not an expert with dating advice, but i pretty much agree with what everybody else is saying: "You gotta balance time with your hobby and your relationship if you want it to work." (Although my reason for not having a gf has nothing to do with gaming.) If you can't balance them, then your gonna have to choose one or the other.

Re: Gamers and Relationships

Originally Posted by Miss Moonlight

Don't date someone unless you know for sure that you can devote time and energy into a relationship. Dumping someone because he or she wants the obvious time and respect that she or he deserves in a relationship because you can't get up off the couch from playing WoW doesn't make much sense. At least, that's what a mature and responsible adult would do; the former would suggest otherwise.

Actually, let's flip it around for a moment, because so far, everything has been falling into the lap of the gamer, when in actuality, both partners are responsible for assessing each other before they get into a relationship.

Sure, a gamer shouldn't devote all of their time to playing video games if they are in a relationship with someone. Even two gamers who are involved with each other have to put down the controller at some point; otherwise they are no more involved with each other than gaming buddies (nothing wrong with that, but its not a committed relationship). Ignoring your partner is a sure fire way to piss them off, especially if the source of your inattention is some hobby.

However, the fact that someone is a gamer is not something that just pops out of nowhere; there is no way in hell that someone didn't know that the person that they liked spent most of their free time playing video games. If they are devoting a bunch of time to gaming before you engage in a relationship, there is a really good chance that it is going to stay that way for a good chunk of the relationship (if not the entire relationship). They could change a little bit, sure, but one shouldn't engage in a relationship with this expectation because there is a lot of crap that one has to go through before anything changes (I believe we criticize Disney movies and romantic comedies for this sort of thing). Getting pissed at them for paying more attention to video games is understandable, but only to a point, since one should have realized that they were a gamer to begin with.

Gamer: "Can I give this person the time and attention that they deserve?"

Partner: "Can I expect to receive the time and attention that I deserve?"

Re: Gamers and Relationships

Originally Posted by Miss Moonlight

The mature thing to do would be not to engage in a relationship until you've gotten you priorities in check. In my common-sense way of thinking, i'd put someone I cared about over my "hobbies", or find a way to make them both work. Plus it's cleaner; it just doesn't make sense to get into a relationship and have to dump someone because you didn't bother to get yourself in order beforehand. If you know gaming is your top priority beforehand, why get into a relationship? it's not fair nor considerate to your partner.

If the relationship absolutely doesn't work out due to personal differences, then yes, obviously a breakup is in order. But it sounds extraordinarily stupid to dump someone because your partner ("got in the way of") your gaming.

If your partner "gets in the way" of your gaming and not the other way around, the the choice is obvious; you don't belong with a person, you belong with your gaming. Unless until you find a way to make it work.

I mean plus, I would think this would also make you look better, don't you think? unless you would rather be painted as "guy who had to dump someone because there was not enough time to level up my warrior to level 4943".

I agree with this.
Kinda like bluu and you in your last sentence said. If your partner feels like a burden in you becoming #1 on the COD Leaderboards then a relationship wasn't meant for you to begin with.

You can't have both, it's either have a good and stable relationship or the former.