The TOP 5 Heated Topics Couples Fight About

The TOP 5 Heated Topics Couples Fight About

Over the years I’ve discovered there are five common topics that cause tension between couples. Miscommunication over these areas in life can lead to break ups and/or divorce. Most people wait until after they are joined in matrimony to have these discussions which can cause unnecessary strife.

If you’re considering walking down the aisle, it would be a good idea to go over them. And if you’re already married, there might be a few that could use some ironing out. It’s never too late to open up a discussion and try to restore harmony.

You don’t necessarily have to have the same view point on these topics, but you’ll have to find common ground. Honesty, understanding and communication play a vital role in these discussions.

If you agree to a compromise that truly doesn’t sit well in your heart, the truth will eventually rise causing resentment to build.

As you go through each of the five heated topics, make notes about your concerns, needs and wants. Schedule time with your partner, so you can each share your thoughts and feelings. If you find it next to impossible to have a conversation about one or more of these topics, without it turning into World War III, it could be time to bring in a love coach.

Sex/Intimacy

Sex is a big component to maintaining a healthy lifelong connection with your partner. Both of you have to be willing to nurture the intimacy in order to keep the flame burning. Its main intended purpose is for connecting, healing and pleasure all of which are very beneficial to our mind, body and soul.

As long as we have able bodies we should be making the time to partake in this sacred practice with our partners, no matter how many years we’ve been together. Studies show that couples who are sexually active reap a variety of health benefits.

The best way to keep the fire burning is to always be as honest as possible about your sexual needs and wants.

Agreeing to keep an open line of communication without judgment throughout the partnership will help maintain a strong intimate connection. We can’t expect our partners to read our minds, so it’s important we become comfortable early on discussing sex.

It’s also wise for couples to understand the difference between masculine and feminine sexual energy because they play a role in dominant and submissive preferences in the bedroom.

Sadly, many couples don’t feel safe having these talks because they’re worried they’ll be shamed, or they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings. A few pertinent sex topics that most couples don’t discuss are things like how often they need it, personal fantasies, their stance on masturbation and pornography.

Regardless of the topic you’re discussing, do your best to keep an open mind, be respectful of their feelings and DON’T pass judgments. The last thing you want is for your partner to not feel SAFE when having these talks. You must be able to trust that you can safely talk about these things otherwise it will create cracks in the foundation of your relationship. This leads to bigger problems down the road.

Finances

Finances are important to discuss considering it’s one of the top reasons couples get divorced. Although money can be uncomfortable to talk about, it’s necessary. Every individual has their own relationship with money and it’s important for your partner to know what that looks like.

Some people have a hard time managing their finances and everything about it stresses them out. While others find it comes very easy to them. Some like to spend it as soon as they get it, others like to save, save, save. If you blow money like crazy and you’re marrying someone who is more of a saver it will eventually cause problems, so be proactive.

The point is to be as transparent and honest as possible from the get go. If you aren’t married, we suggest you cover the sample questions below. The healthiest, most mature way to handle this discussion is for each of you to break down your current financial standings.

For example:how much debt do you have, how much do you have saved, what is your monthly income and what are your expenditures, what are your spending habits, saving habits, etc.

When you come together as one it’s important that you‘re both willing to make certain sacrifices in order to reach a happy middle ground.

These days it’s common for both parties to contribute financially, however one typically handles “doing” the bills. What creates a problem is when one is left in the dark about what’s really going on monetarily. This causes trust issues.

The financial status of a household can change depending on circumstances, so it’s important that you both keep an open line of communication. When you get married you need to discuss how the bills will be handled, and how your money will be managed.

You have to make agreements with each other that you’re both comfortable with. The worst thing a couple can do is hide important money problems from one another. Thinking it’s better to leave them in the dark, so they don’t worry, will only cause bigger trust issues in the long run.

Religion/Spirituality

When it comes to religion and spirituality it isn’t necessary for you to have the same beliefs and practices, but it’s important that your partner respect whatever that may be. I know several couples that have different beliefs and they manage to make it work. You can’t go into the relationship expecting for the other person to change for you especially when it comes to something as personal as this.

It’s always easier when you are completely on the same page and have the same beliefs. But if that’s not the case, and you decide to share a life together you need to make an agreement that you won’t expect the other person to change once you marry.

For example, you may like going to church every Sunday, but your partner doesn’t have the same desire….don’t drag them there, otherwise they’ll start to resent you for it. Maybe you’re Jewish and don’t celebrate Christmas, but your partner is Catholic and they do.

These are the kinds of things you need to talk about so neither feels like they are forced to give anything up, or take anything on that they don’t want to.

Again, it’s all about compromise and agreeing on what you both are comfortable with. You also need to leave room for change. As people grow so can their beliefs which includes spiritual/religious practices. This is about respecting one another’s individuality.

Kids

Most couples discuss the basics when it comes to kids, like when they will start a family, how many kids they will have and what they will name them.

What they don’t always talk about is: how they plan on disciplining them, are they for or against day care, what type of schooling they will be a part of (home school, private school, public school), will they be vaccinated, will they be responsible for doing chores, will they get an allowance, will they be allowed and/or expected to work when they come of age.

Granted much of this isn’t of any concern when they are babies, but babies grow up. You never want to let your kids see you divided, so when you guys are not on the same page about something, discuss it behind closed doors.

When it comes to parenting being a united force and supporting each other in your decisions will be crucial.

Although I don’t have children, I’m a big fan of Jo Frost, best known for her TV shows, Supernanny and Family SOS. She is incredibly gifted when it comes to helping children and families.

I have clients who come to me with these types of issues and thanks to my personal experiences with little ones in my extended family and hours upon hours of watching Jo Frost I understand the importance of these discussions. If you don’t have a game plan in place that you both agree on expect battles ahead.

Family

Most couples rarely come from exactly the same type of family dynamic. You might come from a big, tight knit family that gets together once a week and for all of the holidays. Your partner on the other hand, might be an only child, who talks to their parents once in a blue moon and rarely experienced extended family functions.

The kind of relationship you have with your parents and/or siblings may be different than that of your partners. Each of you should understand, accept and respect whatever that relationship might be prior to getting hitched. If you don’t you better discuss it.

Family can be a very touchy subject especially if you don’t get along with one or more family members.

This is where things can get sticky. If you marry someone with an overbearing mother who is constantly meddling in your affairs it’s up to your partner to set healthy boundaries. Don’t expect anything to change just because you get married.

I was once engaged to a man that most would call a “mama’s boy”. His mom had an opinion about everything he, or we would do. No matter how nice I was to her she was rude and condescending towards me. Even though I expressed my concerns and feelings about it, he never felt comfortable saying anything to her. I knew in my heart of hearts that wasn’t going to change, and over the long term it wasn’t going to work so we broke it off.

It’s all about respecting each other’s wishes. If you’re already married, and family has been a sore topic for a long time, it’s best to bring in a coach. I can help you heal old wounds over family issues and come up with new solutions so you both find peaceful ground.

Side note:Friends can also be an issue for couples. If you aren’t fond of one, or more of your partner’s friends it can create tension. You can share your concerns and make requests, just as you would with family, but at the end of the day if they were in the picture before you entered their life it could be difficult to “force” them to end a friendship (even if they are a negative influence).

KUDOS…

I commend you for wanting to improve your relationship. If you and your partner review these heated topics and feel you need some support I can coach you through them. I offer a complimentary consultation for those who are interested in inquiring about my services. Click here to contact me!

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