A Writer’s Life

What’s it like to be a writer of Jewish humor? Marnie Macauley tells all.

Picture it. I’m at a large party in New York at Sid’s, an acquaintance, and a stranger approaches. After the “how amazing it is we both know Sid,” and another 3,000 words on this “awesome coincidence” we come around to “so, what do you do?”

“I’m a writer,” I say.

“Oh? Have you written anything I might know?” he asks.

“Different things …” then reel off a few, including Jewish humor, and a TV soap.

“Frankly, there’s no such thing as ‘Jewish’ humor,” he retorts.

“Frankly, there’s no such thing as ‘Jewish’ humor.”

Whether he’s a terrorist or a professor of PC, I’m thinking “Please God … let there be a flood right now in Sid’s living room.” I say, however: “Well, that’s a matter of opinion. I must try those mini meatballs, enjoy!” and take off like the Roadrunner.

Picture it. Similar scene with new machatanim and their friends.

“So, what show did you write?” ask some friends of a new in-law’s brother.

“A daytime drama; As the World Turns.”

HIS FRIEND ONE: “You know, my daughter just wrote a Freshman paper … a retrospective on ‘Behind The Three Stooges’ at N.Y.U. She’d be great at that!”

HIS FRIEND TWO: “Omigod! Omigod! Omigod! My grandmother LOVED that show! Can I have your autograph?!”

HIS FRIEND THREE: “I know all about it. I did insurance for a soap once.”

And here, the food was chaloshes. Food or “them?” I vote for the slightly off chopped liver, which hopefully will cause such an internal uproar, I’ll get food poisoning and can run (literally) out of there.

Picture it. I’m speaking with a former IRS agent at a networking event.

“So, you write humor,” he says, deadpan. “People think I’m so hysterical I should write,” he adds,” expressionless. I’m dying to ask this man who sounds more like Karl Marx than Groucho to “say something funny” (which is a death knell to a humorist, comic and should never be said unless you’re both on death row). Instead I say, “I see you more as … a stand-up” (Hey I deserve a little fun).

I then meet a “hip” mom of three who’s been keeping a journal of “Good Things”--and wants me to partner her on making it into a best-seller. “Good what things?” I ask this woman whose experience consists of rhyming shopping lists. “You know, just…good things. Where can I send you the journal? It’s 2,000 pages. “And,” she adds, as if she’s just offered me the head writer job on Mad Men, “I will split the royalties! But, hey, you and I need a contract. You could steal this idea!” I wanted to say, “Honey, you could put it on Facebook, and not only won’t anyone ‘steal’ it, they’ll Unfriend you.”

For some reason, when you tell people you’re a writer one third need to assure you it’s no big deal. After all, virtually everybody can write – something – so anyone with a computer, an opinion, who’s ever told a joke, thinks he’s Seinfeld.

One third think you’re a genius, a celebrity who’s gone where mortal fingers rarely go, and you become their go-to person when they want to impress their friends.

The final third are the Hemingways-on-becoming, who believe we’d be thrilled to edit and partner on their tomes. Yesterday on a bank line, some guy told me he wrote a book on hypnosis. I asked if it had been published. No. I ventured forth. “So, you’re a trained hypnotist.” No. “I learned it from the school of life.” Then he walked off in a huff.

The truth is, we writers are neither Superman nor “everyman.”

Mostly, we’re hungry with a strong affinity for doggie bags. We’re also odd enough to observe the doughnut holes of life – and have worked hard to hone the skill and passion to share them with our readers.

So to set the writers’ record straight …

We Writers Often …

*See life’s quirks. I recently saw a sign in the supermarket at the express line that read: “ABOUT 10 ITEMS.” I thought that was a riot and could turn it into 6 paragraphs. Not one other person around me thought it was funny. (Believe me I pointed it out.)

*Dress in Salvation Army chic. Who can write wearing a power suit? High heels? Clothes that aren’t two sizes too big? God forbid a belt should strangle the blood flow to our brain.

“Am I dying … from anything?”

*Have internalized “Costanza” (Seinfeld). I’m turning him into a condition. “Is this good? Am I good? Is it too long, too short? Will an editor like me, really like me? (A nod to Sally Field). Am I blocked? Will I ever get unblocked? Maybe I’ll never find work again? Am I dying from that mosquito bite and miss my shot at the Emmys?” And finally, “Am I dying … from anything?”

*Are mired in criticism and rejection, and only need three egg creams to emotionally survive to write another day. Unless you’re JK Rowling, every writer gets tossed, turned, traumatized, and worse, ignored. To survive, we’re more determined than a dog in a Hebrew National factory, staying pessimistically optimistic. Despite all, we cling to hope, as we’re in more denial than Lindsay Lohan. “My next project could make millions! (OK … maybe it will pay the rent).”

* We’re in passion with the trying, the feel of the keyboard, the promise of a blank page. Yes, we’re different, but there’s nothing easy or exalted about writing. It’s not like loving a mate, or God forbid losing a loved one. It’s … just writing. As my late husband, a former Senior New York Times editor used to define it in his matter-of-fact way: “You’re a writer if somebody pays you.”

The next time someone asks me what I do, I might go with “actuary.” Making buttons is nice too. Then again, I could just show them this article.

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Quirky, no-nonsense, funny, Marnie – writer, editor, author, lecturer, clinician, and administrator -- is a straight-shooter, who has a distinctive voice and takes on the world in her columns, features, and books. Her advice column was syndicated through Tribune Media Services, and it currently appears in Singular magazine as Singular Solutions. Marnie has written over 20 books/calendars, including the series “A Little Joy, A Little Oy." Her books include Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother and A Little Joy, A Little Oy (pub. AndrewsMcMeel). She is also an award-winning “calendar queen” having written over 20. She has been nominated for both an Emmy and Writers Guild award.Thefullwiki.org has listed Marnie Macauley on their list of top Jewish_American writers, dead or living. (She’s still deciding which.) She was also chosen as a Distinguished Woman in Las Vegas in March of 2014.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 7

(4)
George Austin,
August 7, 2013 6:17 PM

I understand, believe me, I do.

As a direct response sales writer I appreciate your shared insights. "Oh, you're a writer!" they exclaim...until they find out I write for business. Then it's ho-hum. "Why I should I pay you? Everybody here knows how to write," is what I hear from business owners who believe anyone who passed 7th grade possesses the power to be another Hemmingway. But...at home it's different. "Dad's not doing anything, get him to fix it." I haven't yet figured out how to cook, cut grass, or otherwise keep busy when I'm writing. I know it looks like all I do is surf Facebook all day. But, honest, I'm really working. Sheesh, the guilt is killing me.

marnie, "the writer",
August 8, 2013 6:39 PM

LOL

Hi George. You DO get it! :) And as for the other stuff, one could get ebola from my apartment, as I haven't cleaned or fixed since the Clinton administration!
Shalom with love, Marnie

(3)
Nettie,
August 6, 2013 12:58 PM

What an Analysis!

Marnie never ceases to amaze me. The examples, the analysis,the in depth understanding of humanity all amaze me. She hits it squarely on the nail. I am always impressed by her. She calls it like it is. So few of us do.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!