Tareq blames everything on Journey, then nuzzles a whoremonger and poses sexily in bed. Naomi Campbell blames her bad personality on abandonment issues. Kate Middleton spends four hours doing her hair. A male TV actor comes out of the closet. Tuesday gossip stopped believin' years ago.

Tareq Salahi posed for America's trashiest magazineSteppin' Out: "My advice to other married men is to stay away from Journey." To be fair, all humans with eardrums should stay away from Journey. Tareq says he went through Michaele's email (is that legal?) and discovered her affair with Neal Schon goes back at least two years. "I was in denial when I first found out about her leaving me. I thought it was an old picture with Neal. I didn't realize she was in Tennessee until the FBI confirmed it. I couldn't believe it. As soon as I realized it was true, my antenna went up. They told me not only is she there, but she's not coming back. She left just with the clothes on her back. All her personal things were left behind. It didn't make sense. Especially a woman." Oh my god, what if Journey hypnotized Michaele with their terrible music, then led her away, the Pied Piper of Don't Stop Believin'? At left, Tareq partying with "Manhattan madam" Kristin Davis. Top right, with Michaele. Bottom right, posing with feet for Steppin' Out. [Steppin' Out, images via Getty, AP, SO]

Playboy Club actor Sean Maher came out of the closet. He has been with his partner for nine years, and they have two children, so it's not like he was really in the closet before, just sort of standing in its vicinity, like when you're taking too long choosing your outfit in the morning, and the closet door is open, and your sort of leaning against it, one foot in and one foot out, stalling for time. "I've never discussed it publicly. I've never been asked about it publicly, but I would be lying if I said I didn't paint a different picture," mostly by omission. "This is my coming out ball. I've been dying to do this." [EW]

Are Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler "working it out"? Or are they just having self-hating ex sex? [People]

January Jones let the "father" spot blank on her baby's birth certificate. Her womb full of secrets will remain secret forever, or until the kid turns 18 and goes on Maury to find out. Smart money's on IVF with the zombie sperm of Warren G. Harding. [E!, P6]

Kim Kardashian doesn't wear her diamonds to the gym. The heft of the 20.5 carats would probably mess up her balance during yoga. [WWD]

Kate Middleton spent four hours at the hair salon getting "a series of services" for her impossibly glossy princess hair, including treatment with "organic vegetable-based hair dye." (Is that not her natural color? Is Kate going gray?!) For trims the hairdresser comes to her, but "she doesn't want to stop visiting the salon for her longer appointments. She loves her time there… it's really relaxing for her." [Us]

Speaking of Kate Middleton, no matter how hard Nuclear Wintourbegs, she will never do Vogue. Eat her organic vegetable-based dust, Nukes. [People]

Why did Kat Von D and Jesse James break up? Maybe because he cheated. I mean, duh. [Radar]

Why is Naomi Campbell a violent rage machine? Music producer Quincy Jones, whom Naomi calls Poppy, described a conversation where Naomi revealed it's all about her father: "For a long time I was trying to get to the bottom of what was bothering her. Just recently I said, ‘What is really wrong?' She said, ‘Poppy, abandonment'… a girl has to have that relationship with her father." In Naomi's words: "The challenge was to go back and face things I hadn't dealt with, [it's] scary for anyone to go and look at themselves in the mirror and deal with them, leave that baggage there and move forward." Funny choice of words, given that one of her violent brawls was with a Heathrow cop, when she was mad about losing literal baggage. [Daily Mail, Celebitchy]

Dr. Conrad Murray's trial for the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson begins today. Dr. Murray "has lost weight, and is extremely concerned about his right to a fair trial." [Radar]

Hugh Jackman says Real Steel is the first movie he's made that his kids like. Who can blame them? Kate and Leopold was a real stinker. [Access Hollywood]

Spencer Pratt owes his agent "hundreds of thousands of dollars in commissions," and until he pays they won't take his phone calls. Apparently he calls "30 times a day," and "they just laugh at him or pick up and hang up." This is how Speidi ends: Not with a bang, but an endlessly ringing phone and laughter. [Us]

Two people you always forget even existed, Jason Derulo and Jordin Sparks, are dating. As soon as you finish reading this item, you will forget it. [TooFab]