Lol. Can't really see the difference. The line "The sound of thunder, twisting architecture and seven billion fated souls coalesce as the sky disassembles, revealing a swirling maelstrom that leads only to a perpetual abyss" is either the best thing about the paragraph, or the worst.

Addendum: Wait, now I remember. That line really does flow better now, especially the seven billion fated souls bit. I remember thinking it was odd that you said that the seven billion souls coalesce but then weren't clear about what happened to them. Now it's a little clearer that you meant the SOUND of seven billion fated souls.