Baby girls hands and feet

Little Bruiser is growing!

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Would you believe...

that Bruiser still has not deemed it appropriate to grace us with his presence? You betcha! I am starting to feel like this is never going to happen!! Really, really anxious now as I keep thinking that every extra day only increases the possibility of something going wrong...

Off to monitoring at the hospital clinic tomorrow... You don't want to know what happened on Monday after I cracked it and called the midwife in tears saying that I can't deal with the pressure anymore (emotional, not physical) - but I'm going to tell you anyway. We went for a monitoring then, the result of which was 'baby is doing fine, your cervix is progressing beautifully, no space for you now so come back on Wednesday and we'll talk then'. That made me feel even more stressed than I already was and I burst into tears in front of the midwife, the registrar, Kylie and Adrian and both of my kids (who were thankfully fully immersed in the joys of iPad games and didn't pay any attention to my display of theatrics) - feel very bad for K & A though witnessing that, as I'm sure it's only made them feel guilty. But that, folks, wasn't the worst part. About a minute after everyone left the room to give me space to get myself together (and about two minutes after I acknowledged the registrar's statement that the baby is doing fine by saying that I am aware of that fact, just as well as I'm aware of the fact that this can change in a matter of minutes), some poor woman in the room next door started wailing desperately and crying 'my baby, my baby'... Kylie and Adrian, who were by then in the waiting room, of course heard it as well, and there were apparently midwives crying and doctors bustling into the room... Obviously, this is someone else's tragedy. But for me, and I imagine particularly for K & A, it was the absolutely worst possible end to our little outing. Depressing day followed. Today I had another really crappy, and rather painful, day. While I would love to entertain the notion that the full-on crampiness could be a sign of impending labour, I am not overly optimistic...

About Me

My name is Veronika. I am a wife of one, a mother of two. I am also a gestational surrogate. The arrangement is altruistic, which means that I don't get paid for carrying the bub. Some people say that I am giving an amazing gift, others that I am crazy :) Neither opinion, in my view, is right - I am merely doing my bit for the greater good. This doesn't make me an angel, and it doesn't make me a basket case either. It is just something that I can do.