How To Become A Pickup Artist

19Nov

If you wanna become a PUA, let me congratulate you. Excellent choice.

Personally, it’s helped me to become more confident around women (and people in general), self-aware, and socially savvy. Not to mention I’ve met new people, and have some FANTASTIC adventures. Which is an education in itself.

In that sense, pickup isn’t just about learning to attract or “get” women. Yes, you’ll learn how to attract women. But the real destination turns out to be about knowing yourself and becoming a more excellent man for real.

So, in case you wanted to become a PUA, I wanted to share how I became one. I don’t know if it’s THE way to become a PUA. But it worked for me. Hopefully it’ll work for you, too.

Oh and by the way, if you’re curious about the haters who poo-poo on pickup, I wrote a nine-part series defending pickup called “The Myths of Pickup” (four myths, Myth #1 has 6 chapters).

You could say this article’s the conclusion of that series. Anyway, if you have any interest, feel free to check out the other parts. Just type “myths” into this blog’s search box.

Onward. Here was my path and pitfalls along the way to becoming a PUA:

Step One: Learn pickup theory… for 1-2 months MAX

But here was a mistake I made at this step.

I spent MONTHS learning theory before I hit the field. If I were to do this journey again, I’d start sooner. ‘Cause the sooner you hit the field, the sooner you’ll get this skill down.

So, that’s why I’d recommend spending maybe only one or two months TOPS of learning the theory.

2. Neil Strauss, The Game. Neil’s story of how he became a PUA. Gives you a sense of what’s possible. Super well-written too and a fun read.

3. Mystery and Lovedrop, The Mystery of Method. Overview of pickup theory. Good read after The Game ‘cause The Game refers to Mystery Method a lot. But it’s very theoretical.

4. Neil Strauss, The Rules of the Game. Great way to get you out into the field practicing. Only downfall: the book takes you as far as the number exchange, then stops. But no fear. I’m gonna give you some other great resources for that under step two.

5. Renaissan, How to Pick up Chicks in Five Simple Steps. My own ebook takes you to the kiss close. But I emphasize practice throughout: I give you scripts, pictures, and a practice plan.

After one or two months of getting the theory down, hit the field. Here’s how…

Step Two: Practice AND study theory for 8 – 10 months.

Mystery’s famous “newbie drill” is useful here. Here’s a variation of it I had used:

1) Pick three nights of the week to go out.

Do ten approaches each night. First three are warm-ups. “Hey” counts as an approach.

2) Make a commitment which days to go out:

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are excellent choices. Go out those days no matter what for the next 8-10 months.

If you do that, you’ll rack up 30 approaches per week, and 120 approaches per month. Within 8 months you’ll have 1,000 approaches. 500 approaches will get you good. 1,000 approaches will get you towards mastery.

But the approaches have to be quality approaches. That’s where the next part of this step comes in.

3) Reflect on your approaches.

Self-reflection will ensure you’re actually improving and make you aware of what to continue doing and what to improve on next time.

Trackers come in handy here. After each night, track your ten approaches and checkmark which fundamentals you missed and which you hit.

I can’t tell you valuable this is. It’s KEY to getting better. Here’s something else that helps with the quality of your approaches…

4) Practice in the mirror.

Oh my lordy rehearsing before hitting the field helps. It’s like a comedian rehearsing before going on stage, or a musician practicing his guitar before performing.

Like Louis Pasteur says: “success favors the prepared mind.”

If you rehearse first, you’ll go into the field with your eyes open (rather than closed). Learn from the best pickup artists like Mystery and Style. They’d rehearse before hitting the field, too.

5) On your off-days, read pickup. And banter with cashiers, baristas.

Studying theory on my off-days had helped me see what I was doing well in field, and what I needed to improve on. Then when it came time for my infield days, I’d test out what I had learned while on my days off.

I recommend you doing the same thing.

But what are some good resources to study on your off-days? Here are some of my favorites:

Pickup Resources:

Again, these are resources you can study on your off-days to SUPPLEMENT your practice. Theory can never take the place of real-world practice.

2. Brad P, 30/30 Club. Yearlong course. You do 30 approaches every month. Each month you get an audio that focuses on a step, like approaching, or sex skills. They have a $30/month plan if you don’t have a lot of cash.

Inner-Game Resources:

3. Timothy Miller, How To Want What You Have. Psychologist argues that three practices—compassion, attention, and gratitude—are the keys to inner-strength and psychological health. Fantastic book. Highly recommended.

4. Anthony deMello, Awareness/Way to Love. Another highly recommended book by a Jesuit priest. Easy to read, and potentially life-changing.

Sex Skills:

5. Alex Allman, Revolutionary Sex. Excellent ebook on sex skills. His basic premise: “listening” is key to being a great lover. Kinda like listening is key to being a great conversationalist. Lots of practical tips too.

Hi Ren, I got your book I do all of these things and I’m not getting any where at all. I don’t blame you or the material but my execution of it,since it works for others but should I post my stack and how I execute to find the sticking point.

Open ( I use either 2 part kiss opener works well , if ina bookstore I get a copy of the game and I say should I give this book to a friend or would he find offensive I am trying to help with ladies,it works well …if its a seated set i go with sorry I was late traffic was nasty so whats up ..I tend to go indirect ,for there are guys in the sets sometimes….

Negs ..include my eyes are up here no freebies ( i dont start with that one ina mixed set or if the girl is more standoff ish …can I finish my sentence first (for frost queens and mixed sets) or hold I am asking (the obstacle) wait a sec..I really appreciate if you would stop staring at me like I am a piece of meat and occasionally . wait you are a republican arent you (all playful negs) I do use shows over here if it looks like they are trying to look around or what not …I like that one lol.

my transistion observation ..are you guys best friends or brother and sister ..you make the same exact facial expressions…this is why I dont do lone wolves can’t segue to this routine

I usually ask who is the older one (it helps set up my next piece)

they answer

then I segue to whos the crazy one and joke lets see who answers that

then segue to psycho test (with ftc)

i run the psycho test while locking in and before i finish i segue to hollywood story (helps to live close to hollywood so i talk about it more in detail and say me and my lady friend almost got caught and whether or not you touch the sign the view from the top is amazing etc)

but before i say the last part to that story i multi thread again to you guys look like (hip hop girls hollywood girls or then usually round here I get a good chat going and IOis and i try to go qualify

but things like beauty is common to big of a hoop , passion in life stufff girl says I dont know..what do you wanna be in life havent decided .. .or I will get wait what was the answer to the psycho test and as soon as they get the answer bye bye ………

I speak slow through out and when I speed up I know i lose the set …..and i kino a lot ….and lock in i try to do that ,I have gotten 2 sets to move around but it feels like friendly not enough sexual tension ,ya know they are complying cuz I am entertaining .

I am thinking of adding push pull kino at some point in my stack like maybe thumbwrestle to hand toss half way through it ..saying wait a minute I dont know you well enough yet….but It is not something reccomended , I wanna test but I don’t know if it will work, and lastly how would I transition to an IVD (Ring one no bueno lotta girls aint wearin em) ona lone wolf!!! Thanks ,Ren.

I gotta add too, because I want to be very specific ..I don’t ignore target as I should and Dhv the obstacle…..I figured I can cocky funny the target specifically and dhv both of them , can that be a part of the issue as well?

nevermind ren, I have no doubt that this stuff while works for you and mystery and others , this stuff does not work for me ..way too many things that work for other people (getting social proof,getting open ,isolating girls,.etc just don’t do anything for me…I am going to figure out what works for me and my look or personality or what not cuz this stuff is not doing it for me at all!!!

Wait hold on there! Don’t give up yet. This stuff works for anyone. I can see what the issue may be. But first, let me congratulate you on all the things you’re doing well.

First, you’re getting out there and implementing. That’s nothing to sneeze at. Many might simply read the ebook without applying its principles. But you’re getting out there and implementing what you’ve learned. You’re already on the road to success.

Second, you’re showing you’ve got the balls to approach. This in itself can attract girls. ‘Cause it shows confidence. Keep this up, too. You’ll learn so much from the field just by approaching.

Third, you’re going into sets prepared and it sounds like you’re flirting with girls within the second sentence out of your mouth. AWESOME! Most guys don’t flirt. The fact you’re flirting (and creating sexual tension) as the first thing you do sets you apart. KEEP THIS UP as well!

But here’s where the issue may be.

You may be “DHVing” too much. Doing too much of the talking. Hitting ’em with too many bits. This may be the reason why they’re outta there as soon as you give them the answer to the psycho test.

If you do too much work, girls may feel like they’re getting cornered, so they’ll almost wanna “escape.”

The solution’s simple. Give the girls a chance to work, and talk. Give them the gift of chasing you. All you’ve gotta do is qualify sooner. You probably don’t need so many DHV routines.

Here’s the funny thing. I have a feeling you’re already attracting girls. You’ve got the balls to approach, you’re approaching with positive energy, and you’re making them laugh with flirtation. Sounds like you’re multi-threading, too, which is also great. Just get the girls talking about themselves sooner. Get curious about them. Learn about them. Let them work and DHV to you.

So, here’s what I recommend:

1st sentence: open. (You’re doing this already)
2nd sentence: flirt. (You’re doing this already)
3rd sentence: self-disclose yourself by maybe telling them what your passion in life is. (You’re doing this, but this needs to be way shorter.)
4th sentence: qualify by asking what her passion in life is. (Do immediately after your DHV–or as one of your multi-threads)
5th sentence: state interest in your target based on her answer to your question. This naturally leads to a number close or insta-date.

Again, qualify IMMEDIATELY after you DHV. Don’t wait to qualify. It’s the most natural conversation skill in the world. You make a statement about yourself, then follow it with a (qualifying) question about her. Now she’s investing in the conversation. Even better, you build rapport, a connection!

Now, I know you said you’ve tried to qualify and ask girls about their passion, and they say things like “I don’t know.” I get the same response, too. Here’s how I’ve gotten around that problem… and this may also answer your question about IVDs, too.

Have you heard of Style’s fantastic comfort-building IVD called “Eliciting Values”? Asking about their passion naturally segues into this routine. I’ve done this with great success. Here’s the routine in case you’re not familiar (feel free to skip if you’re already familiar):

::: STYLE’S EV :::
1. You know what? Let’s do something interesting. Someone just did this with me recently. It’s a great, quick way to get to know someone. In fact, a lot of people don’t even know this about themselves.
(She: What’s that?)

2. It’s just three questions. It’s easy, and it’ll tell you what really drives and motivates you in life.
(She: That would be cool. What’s the first question?)

3. The first one is: If you had to choose one thing you need to have in your life in order to feel like life is worthwhile, what would it be? [OR name something you really enjoy doing.]
(She: answers)

4. Okay, if you have {worthwhile thing} in your life, what kinds of things does that allow you to do or experience? [OR Describe your perfect experience of {worthwhile thing}. Either the best time you had doing it or your ideal scenario of {worthwhile thing}].
(She: answers)

5. Okay, imagine a time in the future or even now hen you have {worthwhile thing} in your life. And this enables you to do {use her words to paint a picture of worthwhile thing}. How would that make you feel inside? (I don’t know) You smiled as you were imagining it. What was that feeling you got inside?
(She: names feeling)

6. Yes, that’s it. {Feeling} is your core value. In other words, it’s what really motivates you. Some people say they want to be an actor, and they think it’s because they want to be famous. But the truth is, what they really want is to feel {feeling}. And it’s funny, because when we were talking about imagining it earlier, you actually felt it for a second. It was really cool.
(She: Yeah, I did)

7. Awesome. We fulfilled you life goal in five minutes. You can die now. (She laughs). But seriously–and this is the real lesson–whenever you have to make an important life decision, whether it’s about a job or a guy or a friend, just ask yourself if it brings you closer to that feeling. If it does, then you should pursue it. If it doesn’t, then you should move away from it.
(She: Wow, that’s really interesting)

8. That’ll be fifty dollars. I don’t do this shit for free you know.

If you don’t want to do the E.V. you can always ask clarifying questions like, “what’s something you enjoyed doing when you were 4?” OR: “What’s something you could do for hours, you lose track of time, and you wouldn’t need to get paid for it?”

She still may not come up with her passion in life, but you’ll still find some cool things about her you can connect with.

Okay, let me sum up here.

You’re probably already creating attraction. Even if you aren’t, assume attraction and qualify IMMEDIATELY anyway. Avoid hammering the DHV stuff too much. People’s favorite topics to talk about is themselves. Take the spotlight off yourself and put it on them. She probably won’t want to leave you then.

Listen. And if your target reveals something cool about herself, you can now genuinely express appreciation and it’ll be specific. From there, state your interest by asking, “are you single?” This seamlessly leads to a solid close.

I know I’ve written a lot here, but I really want to make sure you get this. It’s so simple and easy once you get it. The theory can seem like a lot, but this process really is simple and organic and anyone can do it.

Please let me know if this helps, and don’t hesitate if you have any other questions. I really appreciate you reaching out. Keep implementing this stuff. I can tell you’ve got what it takes.

thank you ren sooo much i meant it sincerely I was on a facebook forum and got the dont give up advice from MR ERIK VON MARKOVIC himself and seeing that post you wrote , i really appreciate I hope I can learn this and pass this on to someone free of charge !…Ok I will do what you said ..I did another good approach today per se..and again I kinda felt (before reading this post) I should have had her talk ..I am doing too much talking like ya said i feel it!……I will try this stuff out and post back results!

and that blow up was over a goofy situation not from a late response or anything like that…I had a slip up and the friend gotta one night stand from the same girl but that was just the way the cookie crumbles!

Excellent! Please do post results. That’s pretty cool that you got that encouragement from Mystery himself! The stuff definitely does work. Like you implied, everyone’s favorite subject to talk about is themselves…

Ok, so ren here is my current stack so far .. I open with whatever (direct or indirect )and my banter line is …you have very interesting eyes.or smile…you never stabbed an ex in his sleep or burn a house down before(they at times do the fake shocked expression) often times a girl will just say I am shy or resting bitch face or something else. and i usually follow with sigh its always the cute ones .where do I go from there …would it be wierd to go into c vs u (another facial expression read ) or rings thing???? thanks REN!!!!!

ok so its still not working I am following the above advice..and it is turning into 20 to 30 minute chats that end with no thanks to numbers or any of that …I know dhv stories are not discussed in your book ..at this point i feel like they are very necessary ..I am great at blasting thru the hook point and chatting as a buddy but as far as romance/sexual nope ..unless its a look issue!

But are you qualifying? I didn’t hear you say anything about asking the girl a question, and allowing her to talk, invest, even “chase.”

Also, after she answers your question, do you have a good “statement of interest”? If not, there’s a chance you’re stuck in A2.

Remember this principle of conversation: make a statement, ask a question. When a person answers your question, make a statement on their answer, and ask a question. This avoids you doing all the talking, or asking all the questions. A2 is the statement, A3 is the question.

The lovely thing is, after she answers your question you can give her some appreciation. This is an often overlooked but hugely important part of the approach.

Quick review might be relevant here. The three things people need to fall in love: a) sexual tension (you got that with banter), b) mutual self-disclosure (you get that with BOTH A2 and A3), and c) feeling liked or appreciated (you can give her some of this after you qualify).

See if you can add more A3 into your approach, i.e. qualifying/statement of interest. I included some killer S.O.I.’s (as well as qualifiers) in my ebook, but let me know if you’d like others. I’d be happy to give you more.

Keep at this. I’m impressed you’re out in the field applying this stuff. It’s the best way to learn. Keep up the banter, keep up with trying the A2 material. Just add the A3 component. I think you’ll find a delicious shift in your interactions when you qualify. You’re doing great.

thanks bro believe it or not I qualify and its still a lets be friends type of thing ..like I literally had them comply with compliance tests etc ..only to not be attracted to me ..it has to be a look issue or I have extremely bad luck!!!!! it does work in getting me friends but as far as getting girls not so much ..but I can not ditch it …since direct is worse…I am making friends so its not all bad ..but I do not land the girls with this method ….!!!!!

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