Bear-Shaped Pig

Imagine an alien race comes along that adores the taste of human fl3sh so much that they create huge farms and factories to crank out tons of the stuff in all shapes and sizes. Alien kids are fickle and not especially psyched to eat human m3at that looks like what it is. They prefer their human sorted by color, pulverized and then molded into something more inspiring–kind of a shaken, not stirred type of thing. Their meat sculpture values: eyes, smiles, cuddliness. Trouble is, aliens don’t find humans nearly so cuddly as they do say, baby fruit bats. And so is born, LilFruitBatHumannaise.

Spreadable Bear Shaped Pig Meat

Here on earth we are blessed not only with Bärchenwurst, but also its spreadable companion, Bärchen-Streich.

Blank baloney is disarming; mystery meat paste can be downright alarming. Luckily, there’s a name and a face you can trust.