8/18/97 - A Philanthropic and
Entropic Something.
My sweetie's back in school. She's so
brilliant, so ambitious, so eager to
learn and to keep the discipline for it.
I'm so proud of her.
When I get older and more independently
wealthy, granted the freedom to invest
my money in others and in things I
believe in, for other people, and not
so much for myself, I know exactly what
I'd like to do.
I'd like to find someone who's been out
of luck his or her whole life, or in
the recent past. You know, the people
whose hopes do not consist of anything
optimistic, like retiring early or
owning a yacht, but instead, of finding
that better house, or tickets to take
the family on vacation to Florida.
I know it's kind of strange of me to
have this desire to be philanthropic.
"What's the angle?" you may ask. No
angle at all. I give someone what they
deserve, in the form of a treat they'd
be unable to get otherwise, expecting
nothing in return, probably not even
allowing a way to contact me for thanks
(or to scream at me, for screwing with
their lives).
Hope is so rare and much diminished
these days. We've all had moments
where we wanted something so badly, but
for whatever reason, we couldn't have
it. Like me. I sure as Hell would
like to have a plane ticket to Stockholm
and no obligation to my classes. I
think about it and keep it in the back
of my mind, but I don't live my life
expecting it.
Wouldn't it be nice to have one wish
granted in life? These are the dreams
which create djinnis and talking mice.
One wish. One reminder that the world
still cares. That hope is rewarded,
that people aren't selfish.
I suppose I'd like to see someone be
pristinely happy after I'd fulfilled a
wish for them, but that's as much as I
would need. They would be skeptical
at first, so I'd have to see that too.
The comedy of distrust in people. But
then reality would hit and that's when
I could start the car and drive off.
Or shake hands and walk away.
This is not the same as giving gifts
at Christmas. This is the restoration
of hope. There is the possibility that
it could hurt some more than help them,
but only if they choose not to believe.
Think I'm trying to fulfill some thirst
for divine power? Go ahead, if you
want. I just want to show people how
good the world can be. No personal
benefit. No saving my soul for Heaven.
Just something genuinely nice.
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and
despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the
decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless
and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch
far away."
-From "Ozymandias," by Percy Bysshe
Shelley
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