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love yourself

Some people love to work out. Most people think that involves a gym, weights, treadmill, or running outside. There are a lot workouts that come to mind, but we sometimes forget about sex and me time being in that category. Those are the most fun type of workouts too! How could we forget about those?!

I was up late one night drinking. My best friend had left my house around 3:00 am. I was drunk and not ready to go to bed. I somehow end up messaging an ol friend from back home. Our conversation went from friendly catch up to“Oh Hellooo.” I forgot how much I enjoyed a good dick pic and video. Needless to say, Miss Lucy was not ready for bed either. I went to bed and spent two hours going to town on myself. I hit that “O” three times. I was so impressed until I saw that it was now 5:00 am. Lawd Child, Go to Bed!

I got up later that day and indulged myself a couple more times. I legit wore out three of my toys batteries. Thank god that I had them all charged and ready for the marathon.

Side bar–the rechargeable toys are where it is at! I used to go through double A batteries like no ones business. They save you money.

My friends came over later that night and I noticed how sore I was in certain spots. My abs and upper thighs felt like I spent days in the gym. I’m oblivious as to why I was sore. I told my girl that I was sore and she asked what I did recently. ::light bulb:: I played with myself for so long that I gave my core a hard workout!

The lesson of the day was that not all workouts have to be outside of your bedroom. You can hit that core while you are still laying in your bed sheets.

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Several years ago, I thought I would have learned to put my toys away. The one time that I left Platinum Pete out in my shower was the day that the cleaning ladies came to the house. Platinum Pete was moved from one shelf to the other. Embarrassing. Most parents have been teaching their children to put their toys away since they were little ones.

I was busy at work the other day. I had a spreadsheet full of data clouding my head when my mother called to tell me that the pest company was at my house to spray. She called back to say he was going to go spray in my bathroom for sugar ants. I was enthralled with work and let it go in one ear and out the other.

Two hours later, I was leaving work and sat in my car.Shit!I left my bullet out on my sink.Oops, I did it again! Sommabitch. I was a little embarrassed, but I remembered that it would give the guy a good story to tell for a laugh. Shit does happen. We’re all sexual human beings.

I decided to share my embarrassing moment by calling and telling my dad about it. He had a good laugh and called me an idiot. Most of you are probably wondering how I could have a conversation like that with my dad. We are all adults here. Everyone masturbates or at least they should. I was lucky enough to grow up in an open household full of inappropriate comments and jokes with a side of sarcastic asshole. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The moral of the story is… pick up your toys and put them away or have the red-faced embarrassment and own that shit in the mirror.

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Love inspires many feelings, emotions, actions, regrets, and so on. Love inspires me to throw up in my mouth. However, love can turn into obsession and desperation. This is when it turns into an addictive relationship. There are both men and women who suffer from it. I am willing to bet there are many of you thinking of a friend or even yourself that has or had this type of unhealthy addiction to someone.What makes someone so desperate for another person? It far surpasses being in love with them. It loses the loving portion of the relationship. It has more to do with the psychological need for keeping that other person at any cost to them. The person is their drug. You will do anything for the fix.

There have been quite a few of my friends that were in toxic or addictive relationships. However, you cannot help these types of people break the cycle or get out of the relationship until they see the problem in their own mirror. You try to support your friends through any choice they make because it is their life and not yours in the end. It is hard to watch from the stands though. How many times can you have the same pep talk with a certain friend? How many times does it take for one couple to break up and get back together to realize that their relationship is like a bad movie on a loop?It reminds me of Albert Einstein’s quote about insanity. He said, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

There was one couple I knew where the broad was addicted to the guy. Lets call them Brad and Angelina. They dated for several years. The last few months of their relationship the sex life was non-existent. Red flag. Brad broke it off between them. A normal reaction was to be upset about losing your partner especially after investing years with them. Angelina had a bad habit of crying in public though. That was not ideal for anyone. People crying make others feel awkward. One movie quote always came to mind, “Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There’s no crying! THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!”It continued for several months. Brad was off doing him while she was drowning in tears to everyone around her. He ended up feeling bad and tried to give it another go around with Angelina. The friends noticed Brad was not himself when he was out with her. She was a bit of a ‘Debbie Downer.’ That ride on the merry-go-round blew up pretty quick. Everyone knew that was going to happen. Angelina started the water works all over again. She did that for a couple years. Brad had fooled around, dated, and had another girlfriend while she probably never even slipped onto a different penis. A year after their last crash and burn, Brad decided to give Angelina another spin around the track.

They were out to dinner with a big group of friends. She literally had to be touching him through the entire dinner. His hand. His leg. His arm. It was as if she thought he would disappear into thin air if she let go of him. Angelina was glued to his hip, petting his arm with her eyes fixated on him. It reminded me of the crazy, redhead in ‘Wedding Crashers.’ It was pretty clear that she was addicted to Brad. She never healed her wounds or dependency issues. She only saw her glass as half empty without him instead of half full. She only knew how to be a “we” instead of just a “me.” There was no self-esteem in those thoughts. If it didn’t work out after several years and a failed first reconciliation, why would it work now? Can you evolve if you are still stuck on a person? Are you that desperate for the fix of one human that you are willing to torture yourself all over again? How many years can you cry over one person? How much punishment is worth it?As a friend, you have to sit back and enjoy your bowl of popcorn while it all plays out on the screen again. Some people need more than a double feature.

An addiction to someone is not healthy which tips the scale and leaves balance behind. The majority of people want a partner who can mingle and adapt in a social environment. The opposite would be the types of people who need a babysitter or act as if they are on a leash. They cannot go too far from you. Everyone needs time to themselves or time with their own friends. When you are married with kids, you need time for you, your husband, and your kids. You cannot be a mom all of the time and neglect yourself and your husband. People that have this addiction do not understand the rules of balance to healthy relationships. There has to be balance in a relationship, friendship, marriage, eating, working out, and anything you do in life. Moderation and balance are the keys to living stress free.

It is hard for me to understand those types of people’s way of thinking in relationships. I learned a valuable lesson a long time ago that you need to be happy and content with yourself before you can add someone else to your picture frame. You do not need someone to make you feel complete. The only person who can truly make you feel whole is yourself. I feel it goes hand in hand with“me time.” Indulging in an orgasm with yourself is the most intimate you can be with your Miss Lucy. That is truly loving yourself. Once you are happy and love yourself then you are ready for someone to compliment you in your picture and in your vagina.

A relationship is also give and take between two people which includes the bedroom. I understand that not everyone is confident or dominant in the bedroom. If you know your counterpart always initiates sex, you should surprise them and take charge now and then. Take the reins. Crack the whip (figuratively or literally). I am sure the results would be more than arousing. It could be some of the best sex you had as a couple. Why? Because someone broke out of their mold and spiced it up. It is normal to fall into a routine. It happens to the best of us. When you realize it, you need to do something to counteract it. Never be afraid to color outside of the lines with your partner. Let your mind be open just like your legs.

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What is the average age kids start to indulge in masturbation? A child starts to notice they have special parts between the ages of two and three. They play with themselves because it gives them a happy feeling inside. The kids do not know what they are actually doing though. The question is when do they realize what that sensation is to them.

My parents used to have parties all the time in Greene County. The adults would bring the kids over. The adults would be in the garage and the kids would be inside or on the play set. There was always a long line for the bathroom. I was not very good at peeing outside when I was young. I was six or seven years old at the time. One of the other girls told me I could get rid of having to pee if I laid on my fist. She told me to put my fist on my crotch and to lay there until I did not have to pee anymore. I told her that it gave me a tingling sensation. She said it worked then. That was the start of being a cookie monster.

I would lay on my fist every time that I had to pee. I started doing it when I did not have to pee. The sensation it gave me was addicting. I remember in first or second grade that I laid down behind one of the book shelves in the library. My girlfriends and I would always get a shower together to save time. I would lay down on my fist before getting in the shower. I was putting my knuckles up on my Miss Lucy every chance I got. My mom caught me in our house doing it behind the spare bed. The cookie monster was out of control. My mom sat me down and told me that the sensation was actually an orgasm. I still did not completely understand what that meant or why it was so addicting.

I want to say this is what triggered my openness to sexuality. I have been getting myself off ever since that first moment. I am no longer laying down behind bookshelves in schools. Ha. I do not want to get arrested for that. I have graduated to just my bed and shower. I also take advantage of toys instead of my knuckles. If I am feeling a little hung over, I indulge in ‘me time’ to get the happy feelings flowing to pick me up. I love seeing how many times I can get myself off in one sitting. The record is currently holding at four times. My one girlfriend recently tied me. I was so happy for her, but I want to try for five now. There are few things greater than being open and free with yourself, so you can round those bases into home plate. Batter, I mean, knuckles up ladies!

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A BIG“Hello“ to all of you that follow or take the time to read my blog! It has been just a little over a year since I started blogging. I have a little under 50 followers. There are 82 posts up on my site and 60 comments. I do not write all the time. I would like to start being more consistent. It is a slight roller coaster ride. I developed such a passion for writing while obtaining my bachelors degree at Duquesne University that I wanted to find an outlet for it. The majority of you, who know me well, know why I chose the blog topic. There is humor, honesty, and real feelings in my writings on here. This blog is not for everyone. There are people who like to keep what goes on in their bedroom behind closed doors. There has never been any shame in my game.

This hobby of mine helped me figure out what career I could see myself flourishing in the very near future. I am currently studying for the GRE that I am set to take in November. I will hopefully be starting grad school next fall in ‘Rehabilitation and Mental Health Counseling’ program with a concentration in ‘Marriage, Family and Sex Therapy.’ I have been in the healthcare industry since 2007. I learned that I am not built to be a corporate person. I do not like being put in a box because corporate people hate not being able to categorize you in life. I have never been able to fit in a box. My personality colors outside the lines. A therapist would be the perfect fit for me. I would be able to help people. That is what I want to do. It feels great to be able to be there for someone and help them. Those are all reasons that flow into coaching volleyball. I love being a coach. You get to be a role model for young kids. You teach them skills in the sport and in life. It is hard work growing up as a girl. There are mean girls, emotions, and life that get in the way.

I used to think that after high school people were adults and grew up. I quickly realized that not everyone grows up. There are women in their 50’s and 60’s that still act like children.Do you get upset over these types of people? No. You cannot live your life for other people. You cannot please everyone. You would kill yourself trying to do it. Not everyone is going to be a fan of yours. There will always be a small section of people waiting to see you fail in life. Your job is to focus on yourself and the huge crowd of people rooting for you. See the positive. Ignore the negative.

This year alone..

I had one person using another one’s identity to message me on Facebook. I told the real person that they had been catfished. I blocked the fake account and went on with my life. A month later, this person then found their way to my blog and tried to write a nasty gram on here. I spammed their comment and moved on.

I had another person leave a comment on my blog about being a bigger girl. I took that opportunity and posted their message on my social media to show how sad and unfortunate some people are in their lives.

I recently heard their was a group of ladies bad mouthing me in Pittsburgh. I left that city over three years ago. Why would my name come up? What is there to even say about me? Do they not have anything else to talk about? I have not thought about those people let alone the time or care to talk about them. I had someone there to stick up for me and shame them for their child like antics. They lived to tell about it since I am now writing about it.Ha.

I may have let those types of people have control over my feelings when I was younger. Now, I am in control of how I feel. Those ladies talking bad about me did not make me look bad. They made themselves look bad. It is humorous and sad that they are lacking that much substance in their life. If you have that much extra time on your hands, you should go get another job, hobby, or help with a charity. The negative, hateful Trump’s in the world are holding us down as a society. Imagine if these people took that time and turned it into something positive for their everyday life. I try to live the mantra of PLUR. The world would be a better place if everyone tried to see the light in others and took each day as an opportunity to make a positive impact on it.

I am a compassionate and honest person. I am the type to send out birthday, anniversary, and thank you cards. A letter in snail mail has a big impact. It is nice to receive something other than the every day bills in the mail. Someone gets married, has a kid, or loses a family member and I am the person to send them a card or a gift. My one good guy friend in college lost his sister. I sent him flowers. My other good guy friend lost his grandmother in college. We sat around passing a bottle of Bacardi 151.Did I want to drink that?No, but I did it anyway. Another good guy friend was in the city for the holidays while everyone else was with their families. I took him a couple of plates of food from my family dinner. There was a group of girls that bullied me in Pittsburgh. One night, one of those girls was hammered and left by herself at a bar. I knew she lived somewhere on my route home.I had someone help me carry her to my car. She passed out in my car, so I had to call a mutual guy friend to help me find her house. I woke her up and helped her into her house. Did I have to do that?No.Would she have done the same for me? Probably not.Did I expect a thank you?No. Why did I do that? Because that is the type of person I am at heart.

I have done some things in life that I would have done differently today. I cannot go backwards in life. I can only go forward. We all sin differently. Those mistakes, falls, bumps, sins and so on help make us who we are today. I am human. I am not and will never be perfect. I can only hope to learn and grow as the days, months and years pass. I have one full-time job. I also have one and sometimes two part-time jobs. I own my own home. I have lived in different cities. I have made lots of friends that turned into family along the way. Some of those people left such lasting impressions on my heart and soul.

I have and always will be bluntly honest. That is why this blog is fun to write. It is pure honesty with some fun humor and serious undertones. It is a way to connect to people. There are other people out there that have had the same experiences or are going through them. So thank you to all of my followers, friends and family that have been supporting me on this fun journey. I would also like to thank the negative people who try to throw bad energy my way. It truly tests people’s characters on how to deal with those types of negative vibes. It helps me sit back and reflect on how far I have come in life. I appreciate all of you! And here’s to another year of writing. Stay tuned!

With Love, Britney Leigh 😉

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I have had five serious relationships. Out of those five guys, three of them told me they loved me. I said I loved them too. The problem was I did not know what love was in life. I thought you were supposed to say it back. In those three relationships, it was not love.

Gary said he loved me. Love does not mean you lie to a person. Love does not mean you lie to others about your significant other. Love does not mean you leave bruises on your girlfriend. None of those scream “I love you.” Those actually say the complete opposite. He never listened to me. A great example of that was when I told him I wanted a kitten. I told him I wanted a fluffy tailed, fancy feast kitten. He brought home a one year old, short-haired Manx with a nub as a tail. It was the complete opposite of what I wanted as a pet. My best girl friends and I still laugh about that to this day. I look back at that relationship and think why on God’s green earth did I stay with him for two years. He did not love me and the sex was bad. I was young and dumb.

Barry said he loved me. He cheated on me multiple times and lied to me so many times I lost count. The worst part is I caught him cheating three times. I still stayed with him. I had put on weight for the first time in my life. I weighed 112 pounds since I graduated high school until 2010 when we were dating. I was depressed. I needed someone who actually loved me. Instead, this point me deeper in the hole. The fourth time I caught him cheating and lying to me was different. I broke up with him. I was sick of feeling worthless. I was better than that. I deserved better than him. I had one glory story to take away from that relationship. We were at our local water hole one evening. He was telling a “N” word joke to his friends in front of me. He knew how much I hated that word. I asked him if he would still tell that joke if any one of my black friends were standing there with us. His answer was no. I said that is what makes it wrong. He had us go outside to finish our argument. He called me a cunt and told me to shut the fuck up. I upper cut punched him in the lower stomach. He turned to run and threw up. The movie ‘Semi Pro’ was right. If you get punched in the lower jejunum, it does cause you to throw up. He then ran home like Forest Gump.

The third guy was Jerry. I will talk about him another time. That relationship was its own bowl of Trix cereal.

Men and women should not stay in toxic relationships. They should run when someone says they love them, but their actions say otherwise. If you get physical with your significant other, that is not love. The police getting involved in your relationship is not love. Love is not hitting your girlfriend/boyfriend with your car not once but twice. Love should not physically hurt you. Sex is just sex. Sex does not mean you love someone. When the negatives out weigh the positives, that is not love. You should be smiling more than you are crying. You should be hugging more than fighting. No relationship will ever be perfect because no human being is perfect. Relationships do require some work, but it should not be fighting an uphill battle all the time. Love is trust. Love is being able to openly communicate with someone. Love should make you feel like you are floating in the clouds.

My past relationships have made me jaded towards men. I know I should not let that hold me back from meeting new men, but I love me more. I do not want to be beat down by some guy who does not deserve the time of day from me. There are many reasons why I am not dying to be married. There are plenty of reasons why I do not want to be in a relationship at all. My heart is under lock and key. It is hidden by very high concrete walls. Maybe one day, a man worthy of my heart will break down those walls. He could find the key to unlock my heart. Until that day, I am happy with myself. It is a wonderful feeling. You do not need a significant other to be happy in life. You only need to love yourself and be happy with who you are as a person. The rest is out of your hands.