September 12, 2015

It was brought to my attention that it's Suicide Awareness Week. I shared the link I saw in my Facebook feed along with telling my personal story on the topic. To my surprise the post was received with much appreciation. It got a bunch of likes and positive comments overnight. A few friends and family members thanked me for sharing and complimented the depth to my words. In turn, that gave me a desire to share my thoughts on the blog and elaborate. If only to inspire one person to choose life.

So here it goes... When I was seventeen, I attempted susicide. However, I was blessed and surrounded by guardian angels, so the attempt was unsuccessful. Thank Goodness!

I can still remember the looks on my parents broken hearted faces. My dad was speechless and my mom was confused and tripping over her words. I totally threw them for a loop! I hurt their baby girl. And I'm truly sorry for that.

During my three week stay at the hospital many friends and family came to visit me. What they all said in common was that I scared them. And they begged me to never do that again. I am sorry for causing them such worry.

Nowadays, when I get overwhelmed I recall those concerns of others. And I remind myself... You're never really alone. Someone cares about you and depends on you to be in their life. Everything is okay.

Recently, it dawned on me that I almost missed out on the last nineteen years of my awesome existence. Its' been wonderful and challenging and messy- because life is. But l get to SHARE it with my amazing network of loved ones. And lean on them when I'm not strong enough to take it all on my own.

The real deal here on earth is that our lives, no matter how isolated or selfish we may feel, are not only ours. We belong to our community... You have so many fans it's ridiculous that you could even fathom a world without YOU! Seriously. So many people count on you just to be there. So please, if you ever feel the urge to take your own life, consider the domino effect you might create. Think of the people you'd be leaving behind and the pain that would cause them. Picture their sad faces over you.

If you feel sorry for yourself. If you're disappointed or angry when you look in the mirror. Even if you think no one will forgive you or love you again, because in your heart you don't deserve it. You can change those thoughts. You can move on and find a sense of worth.. You can become your best self one day. You should look forward to meeting that person! Take the first step and get help now! Talk to a friend. Talk to a family member. Seek professional guidance. You can even talk to your cat (it works for me! lol)... My point is, don't keep it to yourself. It is your right to express! It helps to think out loud. Your burdens can be lifted simply by sharing with others.

Always remember that you are naturally beautiful and perfectly normal exactly the way you are. You're just navigating through a difficult time that your'e not equipped to handle alone. You're human. Mental illness is real. Just like the body, our psyches required TLC and time to heal. The mind is a mysterious thing.

Living in a fast paced society that bombards us with pressure from dozens of sources to be everything except who we really are, is messing with our creative instinct. We push ourselves beyond human capacity. We forget to love ourselves because the media tells us we are not complete. But we are born whole. We come into this world pure and abundant. So what's missing? Don't be swayed by manipulated propaganda. You fill a space in others hearts and minds that can never be replaced. You come from love. So, love yourself from the inside out.

Be strong. Be you! Love your quirks & imperfections. Don't be ashamed to admit you're in a funk if you've had a bad day that lasts for weeks. Life isn't always happy. If you're depressed, not everyone can understand you. But I guarantee someone will listen.

You deserve the future that is yet to come. It's yours to design. You are an important part in others lives. It's true! Be thankful for the opportunity to make memories every day. You can learn to live with anxiety, depression, pain or stress and manage it well enough to enjoy life. I promise... I am living proof. I am here and now. I absolutely love the life I've created for myself! And, though I may still struggle most days, I know that I am lucky to be alive. I've had two decades of the greatest "do-over" one could ever imagine. I am thriving. And, I am so very grateful for that.