John Mason: Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes. Stanley Goodspeed: "I fear the Greeks even when they bring gifts." John Mason: Ah, an educated man. That, of course, rules out the possibility of you being a field agent.

John Mason: What exactly does this stuff do? Stanley Goodspeed: If the rocket renders it aerosol, it could take out the entire city of people. John Mason: Really? And what happens if you drop one? Stanley Goodspeed: Happily, it'd just wipe out you and me. John Mason: How? Stanley Goodspeed: It's a cholinesterase inhibitor. Stops the brain from sending nerve messages down the spinal cord within thirty seconds. Any epidermal exposure or inhalation and you'll know. A twinge at the small of your back as the poison seizes your nervous system...

Captain Frye: You changed the coordinates, didn't you, General? General Hummel: That's affirmative, Captain. Sergeant Crisp: So now they think we're gutless, the feds? They think we won't actually do it? Captain Frye: They're going to come at us with everything they got. Air and sea. They're going to bomb our ass back to the Stone Age. Major Tom Baxter: They don't know we missed on purpose. Captain Frye: Great. We're not gutless, we're incompetent.

FBI Director Womack: Just clippers, no scissors. Paul the Hotel Barber: No scissors, you've got to be kidding me, no scissors. I mean, did they tell Picasso "no brush"? FBI Director Womack: With scissors, this man could kill you. John Mason: I can't cut off anyone's balls with a trimmer, now can I? Why don't we do this outside? Get some sun.

John Mason: I want a suite, a shower, a shave, the feel of a suit. Stanley Goodspeed: May I also suggest a haircut? John Mason: Am I out of style? Stanley Goodspeed: Unless you're a 20 year old guitarist from Seattle. It's a grunge thing.

Captain Darrow: Excuse me, general... but what about the fucking money? General Hummel: There is no fucking money. The mission's over. Captain Frye: Bull shit it's over. Major Tom Baxter: You're talking to a General, soldier. Maintain discipline. Captain Darrow: I'm not a soldier, Major. The day we took hostages, we became... mercenaries. And mercenaries get paid. I want my fucking money.

Look, I'm just a biochemist. Most of the time, I work in a little glass jar and lead a very uneventful life. I drive a Volvo, a beige one. But what I'm dealing with here is one of the most deadly substances the earth has ever known, so what say you cut me some FRIGGIN' SLACK?

John Mason: Your mother, she was very special. Jade Angelou: Yeah, she was. But I don't think that we should romanticize what happened between you and her. Two people meet in a bar after a Led Zeppelin concert, head out, and I was the result. John Mason: Well, I'd like to think it would have led somewhere if... Jade Angelou: If what? Six federal marshals hadn't kicked down her door and dragged you back to prison?

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Commander Anderson: Have you ever been in a combat situation? Stanley Goodspeed: Define combat, sir. Commander Anderson: Shep.Lt. Shephard: An incursion underwater to retake an impregnable fortress held by an elite team of U.S. Marines in possession of 81 hostages and 15 guided rockets armed with VX poison gas. Stanley Goodspeed: Oh. In that case, no, sir. Excuse me. [runs, vomits]