Sunday, July 05, 2009

My weight or body image has always been an issue for me, I would say since about third grade. My weight naturally fluctuates. I have unnaturally made my weight fluctuate with the atkins diet, weight watchers, some soup diet courtesy of my sister, writing down every morsel that enters my body, I tried diet pills for one day (thought I might die from the jitters), not eating, etc. ect. John is one of the most complimentary people I know and I know his compliments are sincere. I was complaining one (of multiple times) about my body and he said, "I love your body." Thats what he is suppose to say and I didn't think much about it. Later, when analyzing the conversation (because that is what I do, I'm an analyser) I thought, I wish I saw my body the way John sees it. Then in deeper thought, I wondered how God saw my body. In my evening prayers I began praying for God to show me the way He sees me. This is what God has shown me. I am a good mother who spends much more time on my child than on myself. My stretch marks are a sacrifice I made to have Ben. I would have stretch marks on my face if I had to to have a child. I am soft for my child to lay on. God made me a nurturer. I would much rather people see me as kind, someone who takes time for other people, someone who sacrifices for the ones I love, a Christian, a good mother, a good wife, someone who is compassionate, than the girl with the good body. I do not want my legacy to be my appearance.My prayer for all the women in my life is that they start seeing themselves as God sees them.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

We married July 1, 2006. It was HOT! The wedding went without a hitch as did the reception. Surprisingly, we didn't lose anyone to a heat stroke. Our big wedding night was spent at home eating Taco Bueno and opening presents. It could not have been more perfect or more fitting for our relationship. We do not need bells and whistles, we are the bells and whistles. I never thought I could love you more than what I did on our wedding day, but I do. I love you.

Our first baby arrived February 12, 2008. I am still sorry for telling you I was pregnant over the phone. Maybe with the next I will tell you in a blog. Not today though. Take a deep breath. Having you as my birthing coach was hilarious. I don't know if I had every seen you so serious before. I wonder if any other woman in labor has ever stopped mid push to start laughing. That day my love for you changed, it matured. I had this little miracle that you and I had made that would connect us for the rest of our lives. I love you.

Three years. It seems like yesterday you proposed to me after my famous pre-proposal words, "I think this is the worst diarrhea I have ever had." Those words set our whole marriage. You are so kind to everyone, a wonderful father, a bigger than words husband to me, a great provider, a phenomenal friend. I love you...even more than mayonnaise. Thank you for choosing ME to be your wife.