Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Since my last exposé, I'm I'm sorry to say LEGO has only escalated their viscious war against indigenous sentients.

New on the block is LEGO's "Atlantis" and "Alien Conquest" series. Atlantis: fairly straight forward. We try to rediscover the sunken city and thieve back our treasures from the deep. Unfortunately, there are giant sharks and octopuses, squid- and shark-people, and all manner of things in the abyss. And, if we remember, they belong there.

Why is that little white [yellow] guy so afraid? Because he thought he could fuck around a shark-man's backyard and get back his lost toys without asking permission. That wet suit he's wearing? It means man does not belong in the water. The shark's gills? He's fine. I'm sure no one would be fighting and using that trident if we had bothered to look around with a robot first and broach the subject of reclaiming lost property with all the delicate and cognitively strenuous diplomacy of a lad dropping a letter in his neighbor's mailbox seeking a lost ball. But no, we can't have that.

And it's never just our own planet's species we ignore and then battle, and then subjugate. If you remember from the last story, linked above, LEGO mankind has breached both the sea and vacuum of space. My first thought of the "Alien Conquest" series was, "Wow, so we're not even pretending like we're not a colonial empire anymore."

There's the "evil" aliens, inhuman, non-mammalian, and suitably slimy-looking and bug-eyed with massive underbite reminiscent of the stupider dog breeds.

And then of course there is the "evil" alien leader, a suitably militaristic and fascist opponent.

Of course, he appears to be the legally, duly appointed leader of his people. Who are we to judge their society? Regardless of whether or not he leads a martial culture, he's a legal monarch. Or president. Hell, we know nothing about him. He could have been elected consul when war was declared between our races.

Oh, yes, I doubt the official story. The notion that such an advanced species would invade our planet, seat of a mighty Space Police Force, just to abduct the occasional yuppie seems quite odd, indeed.

Planet X2-1/2? Sounds like we're refusing to call their home planet by their own name for it.

Racist caricatures? That's a "patriotic war effort." Next they'll be asking us to buy little nubby, plastic war bonds to support our goldenrod brigades.

If I had to guess, I'd surmise this "invasion" was a retaliatory strike for humanity's policy of colonization, subjugation and xenophobic "humanity first" racism during it's extra-Terran expansion.

But, hey, what do I know? I've only spent my life playing with LEGOs and watching/reading/writing sci-fi.