Sunday, August 2, 2009

Sunday sanity!

OK here's the haps:My E2 went to 1250 (yay! a nice rise, but nothing too dramatic), my P4 is fine at 0.4 BUT my damned LH went to 2.5.

Do I freak out? What to do, what to do? Dr. M swore that the amount of LH in Menopur isn't even enough to raise the blood levels of LH, plus she's lowered my doses the last two days and I'm only taking one little bitty ampule of Menopur a morning....but I'm a little bit frightened. True, most of the stuff I've read talks about not adding if LH starts off high and also that things are bad if LH is high and then FALLS, and that's not me, but you know me, it's not an IVF cycle if there aren't a few freakouts.

Today we went to Rocky Mountain National Park and hiked nearly six miles. The first three were uphill...literally the whole way. We were sucking wind. The altitude plus the climb was tough! But the reward was breathtaking. Gorgeous waterfalls, a beautiful lake, all surrounded by glorious mountains. And of course, the return three miles were a nice coast downhill so we survived.

After a delish dinner where I had black beans and grilled chicken for protein plus a ton of veggies we felt disgustingly full so we had to go swimming at the hotel when we got back. A few laps is all I could handle. And now, we're sufficiently pooped!

Tomorrow we'll meet with Dr. M again to discuss adding microdose Hcg to help mature my eggs, to discuss how my E2 is doing, to discuss our plans for the embryology lab, and just to touch base. At this point, I'm betting the ER will not be until Saturday. The follicles had all grown quite a bit in one day, and they're a nice cohort. Today's tech estimated 14-15 on the right and 6 on the left. I'll take them all as long as they're decent looking :)

It's weird guys. You know I said this is just a vacation with a chance of some embryos. Yes siree, I did say that. And I'm trying so hard to keep my hopes tempered with reality. But I keep feeling it...that little bit of hope creeping in. That little voice that keeps saying "You never know...this might finally be our chance...to be parents." Sigh.

Last night we went to do laundry (our hotel is fabulous but lacks a laundry room so we went to their sister-hotel) and there was a tiny baby sock (single) on the floor. It literally looked like a shrunken one of Lee's white socks. I picked it up (it was clean!) and marveled at it's tiny-ness. Imagining those little teeny tiny toes and feet, with their sweet baby smell, and feeling my heart swell up with the idea of possibility.

You can still feel hope tempered by reality, especially after all you've been through. I think it's great that the Dr is meeting with you so often to go over the cycle and what has happened to date. I think this is the closest monitoring that you've ever had right? Also, I know you keep comparing your cycles to the ones back at home that were straight FSH only but that cycle didn't work for you either though right? You still need to focus on how things are going differently this time and that is a good thing. You never know until you've tried and I think that this approach is different and may, just maybe, get you the results you are looking for. I'm pulling for ya!

I did the same thing with my last cycle. I could barely hope. I did the vacation mode thingy too...but then started to hope too. It seems we can't help it...that is why we keep doing this over and over and over again...until it works. Its okay to hope...if we really didn't have any, we wouldn't keep working towards our dreams..

About the LH...I can't really help you there. I wish I could say that mine went up a lot and we still got good eggs or something...but I never once asked for my LH numbers and they never gave them to me. I was blissfully ignorant of all that LH indicates. But, I never went about one ampule of menopur and, on occasion, they took me off it entirely so I'm guessing it got high at times...and we had success. Sometimes it is inexplicable.

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About Me

What's there to say that isn't kind of obvious in the blog title?
We've been through four failed IVFs (straight up BFNs). Lots of surgeries, prodding, testing, etc. etc. All out of pocket by the way. We recently embarked to a famous clinic (for the second time) for our fifth and final IVF which ended in the cruelest joke yet: the dreaded chemical pregnancy.
We have now ventured into international adoption--and are cautiously excited!