Have you ever stayed in a hotel and been kept awake all night by someone snoring in another room? Well, I certainly haven't, but it seems to be a big enough problem that the owners of the Crowne Plaza hotels are now employing snore monitors to make sure no one is sawing logs in the "quiet zones" of their establishments.

Apparently light sleepers can ask to stay in a "quiet zone" so that they don't have to deal with noisy nights, and the monitors patrol these areas to make sure no one is snoring. If they are, they knock on the door and ask them to stop. Stop what? Breathing? Sleeping? It's not like people can change the way they sleep. It's like running a baked bean restaurant and telling people they can't fart. If someone asshole in a uniform woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me I was being too loud, I'd probably punch him in the balls. Or the lady balls, if it's a lady.

The hotel chain is also researching soundproofed "snore absorption rooms" to give their customers a better night's sleep. That's very sweet of them, but why don't they just start dosing the chocolates on the pillow with Ambien? I think that will make everyone a little bit happier.