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Sunday, September 30, 2007

I was speaking with my literary agent to inform her that I'd be flying to New York and would be on live TV. She gave me a couple helpful suggestions regarding my interview. One thing she said was to wear an interesting piece of jewelry.

At this point, I realized that my wardrobe was sadly lacking in the "non" - jeans and t-shirts arena. I figured it was time I did a little clothes shopping. Now, I don't particularly care for clothes shopping. I look forward to shopping for clothing as much as I look forward to my kids coming home from school in the afternoon - it's fun for the first few minutes. I actually enjoy perusing the racks of clothing. I don't mind searching for my size from among the possibilities. Taking the clothes into the dreaded dressing room is the part I could live without.

The store I went to this weekend had this really great feature in the dressing rooms. Perhaps you've witnessed this feature yourself. It's a doorbell. A very. loud. doorbell. You walk into the room and "ding dong" sounds loudly enough for people in the next state to hear. Why is this? Why do they need a doorbell? I've never once, in my entire life, seen a dressing room attendant run to the entrance and say, "Oh hello! I heard the doorbell and thought I'd come welcome you to the dressing rooms!" In fact, come to think of it, I don't believe I've ever seen a dressing room attendant period, let alone one who would run to greet you.

So, after causing permanent damage to my hearing from the doorbell, I took the clothing that I thought looked very nice on the hangers into an open room. I pushed aside the mountain of clothes left behind by a person who apparently thought it was just too much trouble to remove the clothes from the room and hang them on the return rack. I mean, trying on clothing can be exhausting. Clearly the patron before me didn't have the strength to gather up her items and walk the four whole feet out of the room to the return rack. Perfectly understandable. Actually, other people's laziness has come in handy for me at times. Have you ever been in a dressing room and seen a top, left in the room by the previous occupant, and thought, "Wow! I love that shirt! It's my size! I must have it!"?

Anyway, amid the piles of clothing, in front of the wonderful three-paneled mirrors, in the glorious lighting that's always present in dressing rooms, I began the depressing ritual of trying to convince myself that I don't look quite as bad as the mirrors are telling me I look, and the outfit that looked cute on the hanger looks just as cute on me.

Am I the only one who takes back three identical pairs of pants in three different sizes? Seriously, I don't think there's an industry standard for women's pants. I could wear three different sizes in three different brands and I never know which will fit, so I generally bring three pairs in to try on. It's much better than walking in and out of the room looking for a different size and hearing the doorbell again and again.

Of course, I start with the largest size. (It's always a little boost to the ego to bring in a pair that you know is going to be bit big on you.) Try on the largest pair first and then exclaim, loudly enough for everyone else to hear, "Oh these pants are HUGE on me! I need a smaller size." After you've gotten that out of the way, it somehow doesn't seem so bad when you try on something so small that you require medical attention after attempting to button it.

So after pulling on pair after pair of pants and shirt after shirt, turning this way and that, examining myself in the mirror, sucking in my stomach until I felt light-headed, standing on my tip-toes to fool the mirror into thinking I'm taller, and realizing that my gray roots really need to be touched up again, I call it a day. I came home with a few items, which were on sale, by the way. I judge my shopping spree, not by what I bought, but by how much I saved on what I bought. I have a friend, Melissa, who is the Queen of the Bargain. Seriously, she should teach classes. I don't know anyone else who can come home from shopping with 2 pairs of jeans, a sweater, 3 tops, 4 new throw pillows, a necklace and bracelet set, a handbag, and 2 pairs of shoes for $10.99 plus tax.

So, my clothing finds are hanging here from the knob on my dresser. I keep looking at them, disliking them more every time I pass by. I'll probably end up returning all of it and starting over again. Oh well, at least I was able to go by myself this weekend. You thought grocery shopping with the kids was bad. Try tugging on some jeans with one hand while holding onto your toddler, so he can't crawl under the dressing room door, with the other. All the while keeping the door shut with your foot because the lock is broken and the baby keeps trying to open the door from her seat in the stroller. Now that's fun.

My hubby took me clothes shopping today! He said he wanted to do something nice for me so he got a friend to watch the kids and took me shopping. I haven't been on a *real* 'shopping for me' trip in three babies... so this something-nice-for-me trip was a bit depressing since it seems I've some how jumped sizes from the 'upper teens' to the 'lower to *mid* 20s'.

Gaining a size is disheartening... this was a much bigger blow... particularly when accompanied by full views of myself as I changed. I do not own mirrors that tell such tales. There are reasons I do not have such mirrors. Its just depressing. :Sigh: ... Oh well... I now have a few clothes without holes that fit! I'll just pretend they are 10s.

I start with the largest size. (It's always a little boost to the ego to bring in a pair that you know is going to be bit big on you.)

I do the exact same thing!! It really does make me feel better about trying on the clothes, even though I KNOW I am "fooling myself." :-)

BTW...my nephew used to HATE that bell. After the first couple of times we could never get him into a dressing room unless we went first to prove it wasn't going to make a noise, and then he would run through the entryway. :-)

Don't worry- you're defninitely not the only one bringing in 3 pairs of pants in 3 different sizes. I'm just glad to know I'm not alone either! At least you have a system (the largest to smallest sizes). I've been doing it the depressing way and trying on the smallest first. I'll know better next time! Thanks for an honest and fun look at motherhood.

I hate shopping when I'm actually looking for something that I need. I'll find a gazillion outfits that fit great and I just must have the minute my bank account is empty. But to set out on a planned "I-need-new-jeans-a-blouse-and-a-bra-that-doesn't-make-me -look-terrible" trip is almost always a waste of time and money. Hope you find something that you love before your tv appearance : )

UGH I hate clothes shopping too. I do my best to avoid it. I guess thats why I am one of the only people who will be wearing shorts when I get the two younger ones of the bus in the middle of winter when there is snow on the ground, LOL.

I wanted to say - have you noticed that somehow black pants/jeans are cut smaller than the blue ones made by the same BRAND in the same SIZE? I have found that with EVERY single pair of black jeans I own, and I don't know why that is.

(oh yeah, and I wanted to say thank you for the laughs that you give me every day. You give me a different look into my life. I swear you and I live parralel lives - I have 6 with number 7 coming in 31 days - and I can pair up each one of my children with yours by your descriptions, LOL. So thank you.)

Boy oh Boy do I hear you girlfriend. I for one hate going shopping for clothes for myself these days. I have put on weight since becoming married to the perfect man who loves me the way I am ( which doesnt help ). I feel like I should be shopping at "Tents are us!" at least that way I will find some thing to fit me. I could shop all day for the kids and I generally do end up with clothes for the kids rather than myself, or if I cant find clothes for me I end up with shoes lol. I have too many pairs of shoes. You would think that with 6 kids to chase around after I would be stick thin hey!!! But NO. Oh well I will get there again one of these days hopefully now summer is closer.......

or when you have all the kids and each one has to stand in front of the bell sensors so that it continually buzzes?!? #4 thinking the "stop it!" you sceamed for each of the first 3 does not apply to him.Enjoy your writing! :)Marywww.storklady.com

When will store owners realize that they'll do a lot better in sales if they install soft lighting and flattering mirrors in their dressing rooms? I hate, hate, hate looking at myself in one of those mirrors!

And whoever invented size zero should be shot. Anyone that skinny isn't healthy enough to leave the house, anyway.

What is up with the blog?? Used to be every morning while awaiting my grandchildrens arrival I could log on and read here to get a great start to a long day. Now I keep getting some nonsense about a TOS violation. Please have this looked into! My grandchildren will thank you if gramma is back to her good moods before they get here!

I have a pile in my bedroom right now of things I bought which I will try on for my husband and ask the best question, "Do these make me look sexy?" It achieves the same end as, "Does this make me look fat?" but without all the squirming by dear hubby.

Best wishes! No matter what you wear, you more than likely will kick yourself for years and say, "What was I thinking?" Still, what does it matter? You are you, macaroni necklace or not.

If you have trouble finding an "interesting" piece of jewelry, check out lia sophia. They have some really cute stuff and the prices are good. They don't have a full catalogue online, but if you have an idea of what colors you would be wearing, I would be happy to send you a catalogue, or if there is a time crunch, scan photos and e-mail them to you! Just e-mail me if I can help!

I am headed jeans shopping today as the only jeans that fit me after kid #2 are my maternity jeans... and I like them! AAAHHHHH

I will have 2 kids in tow. Wish me luck... I hope to come out of the store alive. I will however, remember to try the largest size on first... maybe that will make me feel better about the whole situation.

"How to Make the Most Out of Every Media Appearance" is a wonderful book to prepare you for interviews. I'm a publicist and many of my clients swear by it. ALSO, take advantage of the Early Show's makeup room. The pros will touch you up and make you look flawless. Don't be afraid to ask. Have fun!

Ahhhh shopping for clothes. I, too, hate this. I wear my clothes till they are thread bare and holes start appearing. Ok I keep wearing them even in that state. My son tells me I am a CHEAP A**. Once I bought him a pair of pants at a yard sale that were in fact too long for him. Why you ask. Well he is totally rough on clothes and I refuse to spend large amopunts of $ on something he's going to wear once and end up with a huge hole in the knee. Anyway the first time he wore them he stuck his hand in the pocket and found $15.00. These pants the dreaded cheap pants are now his favorite jeans. I also love Goodwill. I went in one time and found a computer monitor and I called my oldest whose monitor was shot and asked if all monitors hooked up the same and his reply was Yes so I bought it. I came home and he hooled it up and ta da it worked. Then he asked the dreaded question. How much was it mom. My reply 10 cents. He laughed. That was 6 months ago and it still works like a charm. I also bought a coffee maker, and iron, and a DVD player all for 10 cents a piece. All I can say id you do what ya gotta do when you have 5 kids.

Back to the clothes thing. I hate those mirrors and the lighting. It always makes me realize how bif my buttt is. I wish they had signs posted like Things in mirror may appear larger than they really are!!! Tho if I were you I would sneak in a book and sit and read or take some relaxing music in on MP3 player and savor those minutes alone. LOL Take care. Elisabeth

There is no bell at Walmart. That is where I shop, and can get groceries in the same cart too. Convenience is the key. My children are barred from shopping with me. Clothes shopping, school shopping, and every other kind of shopping. It's cheaper that way. I dream to be the queen of bargain, but I always wake up to my same old life, not being as thrifty as I want.

Can't wait to see you on tv. YOu know we will critique your outfit like the red carpet divas do. But we'll be nice.

That's why I shop online anymore. I hate trying to figure out what size I am for that designer/manufacturer/whatever and then trying to figure out if their idea of "style" looks good on me. When you order from the same place online and you know what your size is there, it's only a matter of what color and is the style flattering. After awhile I've learned a few things like I don't like pockets on the back of pants. They make my butt look too big, so I get dress pants that have the pockets inside. I've learned a few tricks of rules like that for style of clothes that look good on me.

Or when your kids all seperate and find different clothing racks to hide in, so you pick up the baby and give her a hanger to play with, and she hits you so hard you get a black eye, and have to yell around the store to find the other missing kids.

I hate those damn freaking doorbells!!! (But I go begrudgingly because I can always find something there... next time, wear earplugs!! That's what I do!)

My 'ahem' 20th high school reunion is THIS SATURDAY and I've been doing the shopping dance lately too--I know it well--try on stuff, buy stuff, return stuff, repeat. Tell hubby all those credit card charges aren't real because I'll be returning 90% of what i bought!)

However, I'd much rather be going to NYC to discuss my book deal with a top TV affiliate instead of mingling (scratch that--getting completely obliberated --I know that's misspelled) with people I haven't seen in TWENTY years.

Hey Dawn,I'm with you - a closet full of t-shirts/turtle necks & jeans. I wasn't aware of door bells in dressing rooms - I don't even go to the stores - I love online (llbean.com) so it just shows up at the door step! I don't know where I would get time to actually drive to a store to buy clothes!

I did have to buy something new earlier this year (my mom's memorial service - sniff sniff) and I needed something nice - that looked nice on my body... curves & all!

I recalled back when I got married, that a certain store that begins with "N" and ends with "ordstroms" had personal shoppers. They might seem more expensive, but very worth it for the perfect outfit. The people who work there know the store, and can pull together a nice looking outfit that works with my body type. I found the perfect black suit with the help of the personal shopper, the right shoes - I didn't think my REI boots would look good with the suit... I looked nice - and felt good at my mom's service.

So if you want a pampered experience - which you deserve, try that service - and no - I didn't hear any door bells!!!! I am not made of money, but I did spend that day, and I am proud to wear this suit and look nice also! Sometime we do need to spend money on ourselves...

The nice thing - I know where I spent that money. So much goes out of the checkbook, and I don't know where it goes, but one nice outfit in my closet - I deserve!!!! Go spend!!!! But make sure it is something that you can dress up or down!!!

I can't wait to see you on TV!!! You'll look great whatever you decide!

Oh, wait until your hubby goes to school with the Navy and you put on 15 pounds due to stress while he's away. Then you realize that you have NOTHING to wear to pick him up at the airport. So you take the kids with you to the store to try on clothing and your seven year old keeps up a running commentary on what you look like in all the new clothes.I went home and cried.l.p.s. My wonderful husband didn't care how much I weighed or what I was wearing when he got off the plane. He was just happy that I was there like I always am waiting for him.

If you are comfortable in your jeans then wear them. You could opt for your favorite jeans and a New blouse with some cute shoes (not tennis shoes) and that one piece of interesting jewelry. I am very excited for you and can't wait to see what you wear!

I hattttteeee shopping, the fact is I am badly overweight and never find anything and then you get hot and your clothes wont go on and then the people who look wonderful in everything, I always buy anything that fits and then hate it, and to add kids to the mix you are so brave.karaxx

You forgot to mention how your older kids run in and out of the dressing area just to make the doorbell ring!"Ding-Dong!! Ding-Dong!! Ding- Dong!!" What are you going to do- go out there in your bra and panties to pummel them?

ROFL about the macaroni necklace (I think every mom has one of those somewhere), and the doorbell in the dressing room! As for taking kids with you...BTDT too. Not pretty. (Thankfully you got to go solo!)

Just be yourself, Dawn...though if you'd feel more confident, maybe kick it up a notch or two from everyday FrumpMama (Jeans/t-shirt)to Casual dress ;0). Your viewing public will worry if you look TOO good, lol.

See, this is why I don´t go clothes shopping! After my first son was born, I headed to my favorite shop to buy a new pair of jeans and discovered that they didn´t carry "new mom" sizes . . . nothing in the entire store could get over my expanded hips! Of course, it didn´t help that I was actually pregnant again and just didn´t know it yet. :D

My new shopping technique is to get my MIL to grab something for me at the thrift tables. Then, if it´s too small, I´m actually flattered that she thought my stomach was so flat!

I have a brother who can walk in the front door of the store and scan quickly and say "Sales rack to the right!!" I hate clothes shopping, being short cuts down on the clothes you find. I am not a teenager anymore and I'm not 80 so I have a hard time finding anything in my size and short legged that is anything besides jeans and tshirts.

LOL I love shopping for clothes when I am not LOOKING for something SPECIFIC. It took me weeks to find a sundress for a party once because I was looking for it. I have since seen probably 10 sundresses that would have looked adorable on me! LOL

And ya, I hear ya on the kids in the dressing room thing. My son thinks it's funny to play peek a boo with people under the door and opening the door right as I take my shirt off!

Working in retail part-time (and health insurance the rest -- go figure that combination), I will say as a sales associate we do try to clean out dressing rooms, but people are really lazy and messy I've found.

I also have a suggestion for you -- Talbots is a national chain with everything from casual to professional to even some evening clothes. We are having a Fall sale at present and the associates (I'm one in PA) are very happy to help you find something that will work for you and are comfortable in. I suggest you check to find a store in your area and stop by -- you can even call first and explain what you need and they will put some things aside for you to try (no charge) and that way you won't waste time.

Count me in as one who brings multiple sizes of pants and blouses into the dressing room. I nursed four kids. I have boobs. Apparently these are unknown in the parts of the world where women's blouses are made! The blouse that fits across my bosom has sleeves that cover my hands. TG for 3/4 length sleeves!

Now that my children are older, it can actually be a pleasant experience shopping with them. However, either they don't find anything and I find a lot or they find a lot and I don't find anything. They are really good at searching the Clearance rack and the local thrift stores--I've trained them well! :)

My kids are all older now, but the worst to me was the dressing rooms with a curtain. Toddlers love swinging those babies open. And since you can't see me, I have no trouble trying on my size 0s. Bwahahahaha!

I am just like you..I have nothing to wear but jeans and tops..lol The other night we were getting ready to go out to dinner with family and I come out in a black top, jeans and black boots and my husband said WOW you usually don't dress like that..I said Well tonight I guess I do..It was so nice that he noticed, when you were talking about the loud doorbells on the dressing rooms..my almost 16 yr old Step daughter loves to mess with those things when we going shopping UHH teenagers! LOL I love reading your blog

How to avoid shopping with the kids: find the one place they hate to go. For me, that was the fabric store. My son wanted to go with me everywhere I went, thinking he'd get something when I went shopping. So I told him I was going to the fabric store. He'd stay home every time. My daughter, six years older, knew that the fabric store was just boring enough that she didn't want to go, so I just told them both that I was headed there nearly every time I went out. At first I felt guilty, but then I realized that I hardly ever got to go shopping alone and if this was the way to do it, then so be it. It kind of became the family joke. My son, now 31, still rolls his eyes at me if I say I'm headed to a fabric store!!

And for your TV interview? Get something in your BEST color!! If you're not sure what that is, write to me and I'll do a quick color analysis on you and let you know!!

Dawn,Sometimes I leave my clothes in a dressing room because i'm so ticked off that I couldn't find anything, and I take it out on the attendant that has to put the clothes away. I know, it's mean, but what can I say? Sometimes I get a little irate.

There's a reason why I have no decent clothes. Something to do with tiring of shopping online, and never being able to get away by myself to take care of that rather important job of making sure I'm covered in something other than nearly 10-year old sweaters and worn-out jeans. I'm not even going to start in on real "grown-up" clothes. ;o)

I don't have kids yet but I can only wonder what they will be like. Thinking of how I was when I was a kid. Wow I am scared. LOL! I read your e-bay post and laughed so hard. I added you to my blog so that others will check it out. Hope you don't mind. Have a bless day.

I made the mistake of taking my 4 year old and my one year old with me to try on BATHING SUITS....because I am an idiot. The dressing room was one of those with a curtain instead of a door. Imagine my horror when the 4 year old RIPPED THE CURTAIN DOWN while I was half in and half out of an extremely unflatering bathing suit. I don't think I've moved that fast in YEARS!! I wrapped the curtain around me, grabbed my clothes and my kids and went to find another dressing room (and a rock to crawl under) and because God has a sense of humor.....they were all full and I had to WAIT!!

Excellent! I love your writing. I just thought I drop in to tell you it's reached Northwest England LOL...you're a real celeb now...(sorry, that was my British sarcasm). But seriously, I passed you on (not literally speaking) to a couple of friends, and they loved it.

I was wondering if you'd shopped alone. The last paragraph is a scene that plays out for everyone who has children. Nothing is more embarrasing than being stripped down to your stretch marks and bulges and having your toddler fling the door open and run FAST down the hallway. What does one do? Pretend the kid isn't theirs? Streak after him? It's a lose-lose.

I HATE clothes shopping with a purple passion. I did have a brief period where it was fun--but that was when I actually COULD wear a size 0. (Okay, usually a 3, but I DID have some size 0 things!) I'm short, and I have little birdy bones, so I actually looked perfect when I was that small.

Unfortunately, there ISN'T an industry standard in the US. Most companies just take a smallish model, measure, and then add or subtract to get the other sizes. Some do it better than others, so once you find a brand that fits stick with it.

As scary as it may seem, you need to go to a store and ask a sales assoc. to help you. You will spend less time and have better success. Just make sure the person looks "with it" fashion-wise. That's why they are there - to assist you. Tell them it's for a TV interview and you want to look GREAT. And as hard as it is, I think this is one time you may want to look somewhere other than the sale rack.

I agree with everything you said, the taking 3 sizes thing especially. And I highly recommend that you talk to Susan http://fridaystyle.blogspot.comfor help with the interview, she rocks at stuff like that.And Manic Mom: my son totally thought it was blood too, and I told him it was chocolate and read him the caption, now everytime he sees it he says "baby: mmmm chocolate!"

Along with everyone else I agree with you on the shopping. I thoguth of Penny's also when you mentioned the loud doorbell. I hat that thing I only go in there if it is something I just "have" to try on otherwise I steer clear. ever since I took mu Boys shopping with me. as you can probally guess they liked the doorball way to many times for me to handle.

Your blog is so funny that I generally don't read the plethora of comments people leave for you, but for some reason I decided to scan them tonight. I'm so glad I did - I LOL at syd's post to the point that it almost hurt, then again laughed at deanne's post about the child who wants to know what is permissable to lick! --sounds like one of my kids! LOL Ahhh... Thanks!

Oh, I'm feeling a little deprived because I haven't been able to come read your blog for almost a whole week! I went into preterm labor a few hours after the last time I checked out your blog, a few other mom's blogs, and had updated mine (the "turd" word entry). Now I'm doing the marathon runs between the hospital to feed my 6th little princess and home to tend to my 5 other princesses...no more luxurious bed rest and blog surfing!!! :) Good luck to you on your interview! It will be fun to hear how it goes!

You're right. There is no industry standard for women's sizes. I actually read an article on this a couple of years ago. How did they manage to get men's sizes super-specific to the point where they don't even really have to try on clothes, but we women are trying on 3 pairs of pants to find the right size???

I hate shopping for clothes for me! I too always bring in a pair of jeans that I know will be too big just so I can say "Oh wow would you look at that! I have lost so much weight I need a smaller size!!!! At the top of my lungs! I hate the mirrors in the dressing rooms. They tell a diffrent tale from the one that my hubby and my friends tell me. Its so hard to find clothes that I like anymore. After 2 c sections nothing fits me right anymore.Even though I can't see the stuff you bought i am sure that it all looks very good on you!

Being as I just went back to work after 10 yrs of being a stay at home mom, I needed clothes too. I suggest you by a black skirt and some pretty top or sweater to go with it. I have made several outfits out of one blk skirt, one brw skirt and a navy skirt. I di throw a few other bottoms into the mix but those 3 skirts are wonderful. I have seen tons of beautiful skirts with matching jackets all over the place. I would of course DIE if I knew I had to dress to be on TV. You know next time one of them call you or when Oprah calls tell them you need a wardrobe as part of the deal.

You know I think the world would expect you to wear the macaroni necklace!! I once wore a foam bead necklace my daughter made me to the store and everyone was OHHH your a mom!! :) I sure am and proud of it.

I like to bring the baby with me, in the stroller, far from the door, so I have someone to tell that "nobody would look nice in this" or "who would design pants that don't close like this?" or "these pants have the wrong size on the tag".

Been there done that! I so can relate... I only have one child to worry about, but the whole keeping the door closed with one foot while the toddler screams "I have to go potty" while you are half naked... just isn't fun! I had a wedding last weekend that I shopped for a week for... and finally took the chance to shop online! WOW! Fantastic... Target.com! They have different clothes than in the store and dressier too for so little money. I think I paid as much in shipping as the outfit itself, but no wrestling with dressing rooms or toddlers! Worth it!

One word when it comes to jeans wear: Stretch. Gotta have it, or else I feel like I'm in a vise! How did we do those jeans in the 80's...you know the ones...lie hanging off your bed upside down and zip them up with a pair of pliers jeans. And we still were able to concieve??? Huh, go figure.Luck!On the tv show!

You forgot to mention the older children yelling various things like, "You have a big butt mommy!" or "Why does your underwear look like that?!" Other personal favorites of mine are: "Why are you jumping up and down with your pants mommy?" and "Why does your tummy stick out so much?"

My husband works at JCPenney and he said the doorbell is a loss prevention thing. He wouldn't elaborate, he is asleep, lol. I'm lucky I got that much from him.

And I am pretty sure that the reason men don't have to try on clothes is that they are all basically the same shape. Women have so many different shapes, not just sizes.

I also think the reason sizes aren't consistant is for a variety of reasons. I am one of those blessed people that didn't put on that much weight after kids. I did put on some, but not that much. Yet somehow I keep going DOWN in sizes. Because I am CONVINCED clothing companies adjust the sizes every so often so that women who actually have NOT lost weight will go in and suddenly be an 8 instead of a 10 and in total euphoria will go out and buy 5 new pairs of pants when they were only going to buy 1! In reality the pants are still the same size, just the number on the tag is different. They are playing with that same tactic you use when you take in the intentionally too large pair!

Someone also pointed out to me that often the more expensive the clothing store, the smaller number you can wear. When I go to a place that costs a little more I can usually go down two whole sizes!

But given that my husband works at JCP and has all the inside scoops (not to mention the discount) and I can sometimes get clothing for under $1, I tend to shop there most of the time! (Once he came home with 2 pairs of jeans and shirt for 27 cents; 8 cents each, 9 with tax! Don't you just hate that?!)

I have just discovered the only thing worse than shopping for clothes is shopping for formal wear. I have an awards ceremony to attend and I need a formal dress. Why is it that all dresses of a long formal nature look like either something that your Grandmother would wear to a wedding, screams "REUSED BRIDESMAID", make you feel like you should be a "West Side Story" chorus member, or like a "Dancing With The Stars" cast off. Who are these women that can wear no bra and show their backs from their necks to an inch above their behinds?

You should really go get fitted for a bra. Most "upscale" department stores will do it for free (like Macy's or Catherine's, that's a plus size store, but they will fit anyone for free). It's not nearly as invasive as everyone thinks, you can keep your clothes on, and you would not believe how it changes your look. As Patricia Heaton said of her boob job, "I lost 10 pounds when I didn't have to tuck my breasts into the waist band of my pants anymore." Also try Old Navy online. They have a "shop by outfit" category that has everything from top to bottom and you can print out the list and take it to the store and try it on. Kinda like giranimals, but for adults. And they have work type clothes, too.

Ack! Clothes shopping! I'm so right there with you. Well, not literally. Who needs actual witnesses to the multiple sizes, sucking in, stretching, "Oh-my-I-wonder-what-is-wrong-with-these-mirrors?" thing??? And the worst?? The absolute worst?? Swimsuits! Which is why I only own a suit from nearly 9 years ago which no longer has elasticized leg holes. Of course, it's a really good excuse, errrr, reason not to have to appear in it publically! :-) Seriously, the world should thank me. ;-)

If you are looking for great inexpensive jewelry with a lifetime warranty, try lia sophia. I would LOVE for you to order through me, but don't want to plug my site without your permission, so if you are interested you can let me know.

I just love your blog. Sorry about the postponing of your TV appearance. But, I have my Tivo set to record the World News tonight!

Ugh, I totally feel you on buying clothes, getting them home, and then not liking them nearly as well. My closet is full of clothes like that. I used to wear some of them, but then I decided I didn't like the way they look so I quit wearing them, and quit wearing them, and quit wearing them... until I get down to a tiny amount of clothes. It's awful.

They do use mirrors that make you look skinnier, too, which doesn't help when you get home and realize that your butt actually IS as big as you were remembering, and not as small as it looked in the mirror...

I was at Sears recently and they had the ding-dong thingy but it was so piercing I about had a heart attack when it went off. I am not exaggerating. And then, because they were having a sale and there were a lot of shoppers, it went off again about every five seconds. I think it's to alert the saleperson that there's someone in the dressing room to help them keep an eye out for possible shoplifting. Whatever. I am never shopping in Sears again. On principle. If they're going to make my shopping experience so miserable, I don't need to give them my money. Bastards.

Love your writing -- I see I'm not alone. Found you through the Ebay thing that seems to be circulating among several blogs. My favorite part was the regurgitated coffee cake. I laughed out loud. And it's so true.

I just wanted to let you know that you are hilarious. My aunt sent me your link a couple weeks ago but i was too busy to actually sit down and take a look until today......i spent the whole day reading your blog from the very beginning (Shhhh don't tell my boss!) I myself am not a mom, BUT i did spend a fairly high percentage of my younger days (around 80%) raising my younger sister and autistic brother. Both of my parents had to work full-time jobs to make ends meet- you know the usual stuff that just about everyone goes through. i've been through the changing diapers, never ending laundry , what in the world to make for supper, no you make not eat that fly, stop jumping on the furniture, and i told you that you would get hurt if you jumped on the furniture, kind of days. Needless to say, such an experience has been a VERY effective birthcontrol for my husband and I. you are appreciated, not only for giving voice to the underappreciated overworked moms, but for showing that life is what it is, you might as well find the humor in it. Thanks!!! i don't have a google account and i am not very computer savvy, but i want to know all about your book!!! Meganmeggsmcnair@yahoo.com