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HOME OF SATIRE

If you have to live in the 21st century, then you might as well examine that disgusted feeling deep in your gut, because we're all going to die and that's the only fact. (Time and matter actually might be illusions, smartass.) All Ebooks and POD paperbacks, because I don't have any money. And look, you don't need to buy a special Kindle device. You can read ebooks on any computer. So if you can read this, you can read that. AND WE NOW HAVE PAPERBACKS. Have fun, worm food!

Submissions

So you wrote a book, huh? And you can't get it published, eh? If you're nonetheless certain that it's brilliantly written (THOSE BASTARDS!) and you're willing to settle for the companionship of a wacky, rag-tag, suicidally reckless crew that can't even afford goddamned paper, you may well find a home for it here. (asterzingerzATgmail)

Hopeless Books is mainly interested in publishing fiction (by which I DO NOT mean your thinly veiled trust-fund baby autobiography where there's a funeral and some schoolboyish attempts to show how good you are at describing things, you fucks), but if you've written something nonfictional that's well-written AND hilarious, interesting, or controversial, please send it my way.

Genre fiction is welcome, including (I sup-pose) litfic. Who knows, someone might eventually write a good litfic novel. Monkeys, in a room, typewriters, etc.

WHY OUR BUSINESS MODEL IS FUCKING GENIUS

The owner and executive executioner of this publishing company takes no financial risks; the risks are only to my reputation as a reader, writer, editor, and selector of texts. This allows this imprint to publish only great shit, artistically speaking, marketability be damned, and if you philistines don't buy it the joke's on you, because we ain't out of pocket. Ha ha!

The only bit of sand in the petroleum jelly here is the publishing platform's cut. They should get something, after all, for providing the platform, but I find their cut to be a bit unreasonable considering the relatively small space text files take up. Oh well, we'll just board and loot them eventually.