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That meme about the self and doing good

I came across a meme that read, “I try to do good in the world not out of fear of hell or the promise of heaven, but because it feels good not to be an asshole.”

and I thought…

It SHOULD feel better to not be an asshole, but some of us have our brain wires crossed from years of being on the defense from unsafe home environments, mothers with mood disorders, bullying, and other forms of abuse, so it does feel good to be an asshole. If we’ve turned into asshole co-dependants or bullies or abusers ourselves, then it WILL feel “good” to treat others with malice, whether consciously or unconsciously, because we’ll always be trying to “even the score” due to our own inner pain. That’s the problem with this meme and other memes about being “true” to ourselves. We shouldn’t be true to our selves if our selves have been distorted into bitter, manipulative, resentful, co-dependent, disordered messes. We need to be self-aware enough to recognize when being asshole-y feels good so we can heal and make better choices.

We can heal and make our self a better self, one that feels good about being and doing good.