If you judge a man solely by his Twitter account, then Alabama QB AJ McCarron comes across as a pretty big douchebag. That’s not to say that I think he is a big ol’ bag of oil and vinegar to the billionth degree, but if I were a non-sports fan with no clue who he was and I came across his Twitter profile, I’d probably be like, “Gee, this guy is a total uber-douche, white sunglasses and all.” Of course, the same can be said for plenty of people, myself included.

Now, do I blame McCarron for rocking the whole “SWAGGY BRO” vibe now that he’s a national champion college guy whose girlfriend rocketed to fame after she was made out to be the second coming of Helen of Troy on national TV? Hell no. He’s behaving exactly how I’d expect any 22-year old guy to behave. In fact, I’m a little shocked that he doesn’t have his own replica WWE Championship belt to wear everywhere. It’s a white belt, naturally.

Okay fine, that’s a motivational acronym in the same way the same way that “Heroin” is. What? It stands for Helping Everyone Rise Over Injustice Now. And “Cocaine” is Caring for Others Could Allow Independence from Negative Energy”. And “Crystal Meth”, which stands for Charitable Responses Yield Substantial Triumph Allowing Legions of Millionaires to Empty Their Hearts.

I hope that we’ve opened some eyes today about the dangers of passing judgment. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to smoke some peyote.

I cut McCarron some slack because he was competing with Jethro and Cletus for his girl’s affection, and now he’s competing with Derek Jeter, all because an old man perved out on national television during what was supposed to be McCarron’s moment.

On the other hand, he’s taking pictures with Wacka Flocka Flame, so fuck him. It would be different if it was Gucci Mane.