You’re still too young to understand the news, and for that a part of me is grateful. After all, there’s seldom anything on there that I even want to see. It’s all bad news, followed by more bad news, and for now I want to shelter you from all the calamity. School shootings, political unrest, racism and violence. You’re so innocently unaware of it all, and for now you’re not negatively affected by all the anger, injustice, and evil. I wish I could keep you from it forever. Just keep you my sweet, loving girl. But I can’t.

One day you’ll see, and one day you’ll know. I watch you become more aware of the world around you every day, and you’re asking questions, and more importantly contemplating my answers. You’re beginning to form your own opinions, and that’s a good thing, but you still face harsh realities ahead. While a part of me may want to keep you sheltered and protected forever, I know that’s not the way. You need to be a part of this world at large, but you don’t need to let it steal your shine. That’s the challenge.

My advice to you as you begin to notice more the trouble of this world is to abide in hope. To abide is defined as “to continue without fading,” and that’s going to be very important as you go. The fact is that there are cruel people in this world who harm others without thought. Sometimes you will see so much hate, so many heinous acts that make you break into tired tears, and you’ll wonder where all the kindness went.

I can still remember when I served Active Duty and our world was attacked by terror on 9/11. As I watched helpless people jump from a burning building to their death it was as if hope plummeted with them. My heart hurt at the evil that rose against humanity, but then the true grit of humanity rose back in resistance. Despite the atrocious events, hope prevailed. Mankind remained in hope. They abided in hope. It threatened to fade, but in the end it did not. That is what you must always do. Never let the evil of this world win and steal your hope. In this world you will have trouble, but our hope is in something greater than this world. Keep that in mind always.

Here’s the part that kinda worries your Momma, though. You are so sweet, and so kind. Never let that be taken from you! We currently live in a world that feeds on sarcasm and breathes on cynicism. Harsh words are thoughtlessly hurled, opinions are strong, and concessions are few. Sympathy is dulled and charity for the sake of doing it without recognition is rare. You definitely will experience unfair treatment, judgement, and snide comments concerning your life choices. Let them roll off your back, for sure, but don’t let them make you unfeeling. It’s a tough balance to remain sensitive in a “mean” world, yet not let callousness or cruelty change you. They say “if you can’t beat them, join them,” but my advice is to always stay true to you. Don’t allow a hard world to harden you. It’s okay to be “weak” if that means loving your fellow man. A lot of the time when you are weak by the worldly standard, you are truly strong. I think you know what I’m talking about.

But here’s the most important part, kiddo. You are the future. Some folks say “this world has gone to hell in a hand basket,” but you know I never give up hope. I don’t want you to either. Be a world-changer. In a harsh world where confused, hurting people pull out a gun in school, yeah, you need to be on guard, but never do you need to become unloving. When you do that then it really will be the end.

I need you to be the light. I need you to help the hurting. Be the one who reaches out to the quiet, rejected people. Be the one who does no harm, doesn’t judge, and gives a smile always. Watch for those hurting, those who have fallen, and reach out a helping hand. I’m not saying this will be easy, or that it will even be accepted always, but I want you to never stop trying to be a light in this darkened world. Your highest calling in life is to serve others, love others, and perhaps even change this troubled world one life at a time.

You’ve got your work cut out for you, and honestly, I’m glad that right now all you can see is the kindness and love our home offers you. I wish every child had that. Perhaps then we wouldn’t be in the boat we are. For now you’re just learning to love, but my hope is that it will be so ingrained that you’ll have no choice but for you to overflow it into others as you step out further into this troubled world on your own one day.

I’m not going to write this from a research perspective, quoting percentages based off recent studies. I’ve discovered that nowadays you can find causative information to suit your opinion, whatever that may be, based on a plethora of info readily available to anyone well-versed at Google. So instead I’m just going to speak my thoughts from experience. My personal experience as a Registered Nurse in the ICU setting.

So recently I looked over at a physician I have worked closely with for over half a decade and asked, “do you think as a whole the patients are getting sicker?”

It didn’t take him long to agree emphatically, “they sure are!”

I’ve been in the healthcare field for roughly 21 years, and I’ve been a critical care nurse for the last 14 or so. As long as I’ve been a nurse there’s been plenty of “business” to keep us busy, but I’ve seen a big shift in just the last one to two years. It seems like our patient population is becoming more and more critical. The patients are getting sicker. Where you used to have “slow” days occasionally, now that never happens. I can recall getting a high number of people in the ICU who perhaps didn’t require close monitoring, or maybe they weren’t as ill as they initially presented in the ER. They were easily stabilized, and not much blew my skirt up. That’s changing.

Over the last year it’s become abundantly clear. I can pretty much bet that when I come in I’m going to run my legs off, my adrenaline is going to be pumping the entire shift, and we’ll probably code someone at some point. I’m seeing sicker and sicker people, of all races and ages, and the older I get the younger my patients are getting. It’s not uncommon for me to see multiple patients in their thirties in a week’s time, and these are hospitalizations not brought on by simply trauma like you may think.

So what’s causing the shift? My first thought was the baby boomers. They’re getting older, and now the largest portion of the population is getting sick and hospitalized. They were warning of this back when I was in nursing school, and it’s certainly come to pass. So, yeah, I think that’s a large contributor, but I don’t believe it ends there.

I feel like we’ve certainly gotten better at what we do in the healthcare field, and people that would have died 25 years ago are now living longer to be a patient another day. Our technology and knowledgeable skills are definitely keeping people alive much longer, leading to a higher acuity population as years go by, but also the rising cost of healthcare and health insurance keeps many people from utilizing preventative care. This means many people’s first experience with healthcare is when they end up emergently in my unit. Sad, but true.

But then there’s this little nugget. We are paying for our own pleasures. We exist in a fast paced world. It’s one where answers are at our fingertips, but we’re usually too impatient to even wait that long. We’re a generation that has plenty, but desires more. Enough is never enough. We’re a people who have a calendar, alarm, and reminder notifications on our handheld cell phone, but it doesn’t save us an ounce of time. We rush to and fro, we over-schedule, over-commit, and overdo everything. We are stressed to the max, more-so than any generation before us, in my opinion, and though we know more easily how to care for ourselves, we do not. There’s no time for that. I wonder if we’re getting sicker in part because we so desire to be invincible?

We overeat, eat the wrong things, and skip out on annual checkups. We pay too much attention to what others think of us in this world, and not enough on taking care of ourselves. We are a people who cannot be still, and more than anything we’re lacking rest. Both physically and emotionally. Anxiety and depression levels are through the roof! We can find the local Starbucks, yet we can’t find peace.

There is so much in this world that we cannot control, so many stressors, and we have become a generation that desires control of all the things. It’s crippling. And while we cannot control the world, there are many aspects of our life that we can reel in. These aspects can have a positive impact on our health, I believe. We can slow down. We can stop thinking everything is a must. We can stop putting too high of expectations on ourselves and our loved ones. We can stop trying to be the best at all the things, and just be still.

We can pay attention to our health and our bodies more. I can’t control the rising cost of healthcare, but I can try and eat better, exercise, and get my cholesterol checked. If you don’t like your job you can find something different. You can take a pay cut if you have to. I’d rather downsize my house on my own accord than have to later after a major illness and hospital course forces me to do so. You don’t have to keep up with The Joneses. You just have to keep up with yourself.

In short, we are getting sicker. I can see it. And while there are many factors at play in this, there are only so many aspects that we can even do anything about. But we gotta do something about the things we can manage to alter. We can pay less attention to our mounting to-do list of seemingly important issues, and pay more attention to our personal health. We can eat better, visit the doctor’s office, keep risk factors in check, and listen to the advice of healthcare providers. We can seek help with stress relief and mental well-being. We can make a point to rest more, emotionally and physically.

I sat with my five year old in a doctor’s office waiting room, and as she handed me her pink, VTech camera to go play with a plastic, farm house I smiled. I looked across from me and saw a young boy around her age happily enthralled with an electronic tablet, his mother with head bent focusing on her phone. The pull to grab mine out of my purse was there. I looked back to my daughter as she returned to me, already bored with the barn, and she reached quickly for her camera. It didn’t just take pictures. It had filters, voice modulators, and tons of games too.

Just as quickly I suggested, “how about I read you a book?” Then I pointed at the books along the wall.

I smiled victoriously as she picked out one of my favorites by Dr. Seuss, but that seemed short-lived as we later left the doctor’s office. I grimaced as I watched my child blindly go forward in the parking lot, her eyes glued to an “educational” game on her kiddy device.

This. This was a struggle unique to our generation, and one that would probably only grow more difficult for future ones. I was a mom maneuvering my way through a technological age. On one hand I was blessed to have the opportunities to teach my children easier, but on the other I struggled with finding the balance for them, a balance that even adults struggled with.

A couple of months ago I had given my seven and five year olds our old cell phones. They didn’t have cell service on them, nor social media. So basically they were snazzy cameras and a way to watch videos or play games on WiFi, but still. But still, I watched them become absorbed into the devices. Even though we limited their time on them, they seemed to always be asking for them. We ended up making the phones conveniently disappear, and as I watched my daughter try and record YouTube videos with her VTech, walking unaware into traffic, I figured the same needed to happen with the pink camera. They just weren’t at a maturity level to deal with the pull technology took on their little brains. Even as a forty year old woman I had to tell myself to shut off my Facebook and put mine down at times. Just being honest.

My parents didn’t have to worry with this sort of thing! When I was five I remember being quite taken with a cassette recorder, but when given the opportunity I would have rather been in the pool. When I was around eleven or twelve I was indeed obsessed with my Nintendo, Friday the 13th game, but I also would spend sunup to sundown running through the woods. I loved me some Saturday morning cartoons, but otherwise I was mending frogs, riding the tires off my bike, and having sleepovers with my buddies where we actually talked verbally to one another instead of Snapping photos back and forth. I experienced cliques and bullying in high school, for sure, but there’s many a day I thank the Lord that social media didn’t exist when I was a teen. The level of cruelty and malevolence that can take place behind the safety of a screen is unparalleled. My parents didn’t have to deal with this, and many days I wish I didn’t either.

As a mom today you’re torn between utilizing the positive attributes of technology, or wanting to bury every single cell phone, iPad, and laptop, and go off the grid. I mean, you have to admit that a DVD player in the minivan is handy on a seven hour road trip, and for supermarket meltdowns nothing saves your sanity like a Surprise Egg video, but then you have to admit too that it’s a slippery slope not letting technology be your babysitter. Sometimes it’s easier to let your teen get on social media and socialize with her friends rather than deal with the moody brooding, but the zombie look in her eyes as her fingers swiftly move across the screen makes you wonder, can this be a good thing?!!

So here I am trying my best. I’m trying to figure out when to tell my teenage stepdaughter to put the phone away even though “all her friends are doing it,” and when to keep it out of my young daughters’ hands as much as possible. I’m fighting to not let the convenience of technology steal my parenting from me. I’m trying to be a better example by letting go of the things that keep me distracted and on my phone when they need me.

It’s not always easy to see the lines. I remember when I was a kid my friend’s mom worried we would catch AIDS from mosquitoes (an unnecessary concern). Today you have to worry about your twelve year old running off with a sexual predator she met online (a legitimate concern, even if you don’t want to admit it). My folks worried about me sneaking out my window, and I remember my dad nailing it shut. Today we search our kids’ browser history, but just like I figured out a way to get outside unknown, so do kids today. Nowadays, though, it just so happens they can get into plenty of trouble right in their own room, from their unsupervised screen time.

We are in a new realm of parenting. It’s foreign, uncharted territory, and it’s scary. Now, more than ever, we need to be praying for guidance as we lead our children through a technological world that tries to harm them. Now, more than ever, we need to be listening to the Lord’s leading for our families, and listening to our children’s silent cries for help in a world where real social interaction and active play elude them. We need to be the advocates for our children in a confusing, distracting world. We need to be the anchor that keeps them balanced in a social media world that tries to carry them away in a fictional cloud of what’s important. We need to be the compass that guides them to what really matters, like face-to-face relationships, and teaches them that kindness can still prevail in a trolling, keyboard-warrior world.

We have our work cut out for us, parents, but I believe we can do it. So sure, if you want to share this with your friends, do, but then put your phone down! Pick up a book, pull your kid into your lap, before it’s too late, and dive back in time to a world before cells phones and social media guided our existence.

I can remember roughly six years ago reading the Old Testament and I paused at one verse in particular. Well, actually, if you’ve sat down and read the Old Testament through I’m sure you’ll agree that you do a lot of stopping and pondering, but the specific verse I’m referring to was in Exodus.

Exodus 9:12

But the LORD hardened Pharaoh’s heart and he would not listen to Moses and Aaron, just as the LORD had said to Moses.

Upon first reading I naturally couldn’t understand. Why would God turn the heart of a man against those who He found favor in, like Moses and the Israelites? I mean, He wanted His people to go. Later, God would show me why.

But at the time I thought about it throughout the day off and on as I cleaned house, and somewhere between the bathroom sink and tub I felt the Lord speak to me. Have you ever had situations where God speaks to your spirit and it’s so powerful and certain that you have no doubt it’s His voice? Well, I’ve had this happen several times over the years, and this was one of those times. The thing was, in my human mind it made no sense what He said. It didn’t seem to coincide with things I had learned so far in my Christian walk, yet for some reason it just resonated with my spirit as true. I’ll try to explain.

As I stood scrubbing my bathroom I felt the Lord impress strongly upon me, “I hardened his heart. I changed it.”

I knew immediately what He was referring to. Although, at the time, it was about four years since my divorce, I had recently begun having trouble with it. I hated that it bothered me! After all, I had gotten remarried to a wonderful man, and we had started a beautiful family. I was incredibly happy; I had no doubt, yet some strange part of me felt bad about my divorce. I did believe divorce to be a sin, but I had confessed to the Lord my fault in that relationship. I suppose a large part of my pain from my divorce resided in the fact that I felt rejected and unworthy. My ex-husband had come home one day and proclaimed he did not love me anymore.

Anytime you become one flesh with someone you make soul ties that are not easily broken. I had spent years working through the release of this relationship, but what remained was a broken piece of myself that felt I was the kind of woman worth leaving. It had wounded me deeply, following in the heart-steps of my biological father’s abandonment of me, and while I need you to understand that I’m not trying to play the victim card here, I am laying out honestly how my human heart felt after these broken relationships.

So when I felt the Lord tell me that He had hardened my ex-husband’s heart it was like a weight lifted from my shoulders. In that moment I felt a peace about the divorce I had never experienced before, and I have never experienced any sadness or regret about the relationship since. At that moment I gave it completely to Jesus, and I’ve never tried to take the pain back.

You might have a raised eyebrow right now and be asking, “but why would God tell your husband to divorce you?! That’s not Biblical!” And I agree with you. It’s not. The Lord didn’t tell my ex to ask me for a divorce. He made that decision all on his own. But I am of the belief that the Lord did intervene for my life similar to how He worked with pharaoh.

Back to the Old Testament. The thing is, Pharaoh was never gonna let God’s people go. He hardened his own heart towards them multiple times. God knew what Pharaoh was going to do before Pharaoh did. God simply hastened along what the man had in his heart already, for the purposes of His will.

Now, I’m not saying my ex is like Pharaoh, but I am saying this. I do not believe I entered into the marriage seeking God’s will, and I certainly had turned my back to Him at the time. I was living outside of God’s will for my life, and while I don’t believe God would tear apart my marriage (since He is against divorce), I do believe that when he saw my ex-husband’s heart was headed that way, He worked the disaster that was ensuing to His kingdom purposes. My ex was unhappy. He had told me so a year prior to our divorce. He had refused counseling, and rather than us floundering through the unhealthy and damaging, eventual destruction, I believe God hardened that man’s heart to me the rest of the way.

In the midst of the pain of my broken marriage I turned back to God, as human hearts often do in times of trial. I’m slightly ashamed it took such a thing to make me cry out to Him, but I’m grateful He used it to begin bringing me back to the plans He had for my life all along.

So what’s the purpose of this post? Am I preaching? Certainly not. No theologian here, for sure. Am I sharing brokenness, and how I believe that God worked what the devil meant for my harm to His good? Absolutely. You might not agree, and you don’t have to. It’s between the Lord and me what He fulfills in my life. But if you find yourself in a tough spot right now, under condemnation rather than conviction, or under self-loathing rather than seeing yourself worthy in His sight, then I hope this might help you in some small way. Because even in the midst of your worst struggles, biggest failures, and most trying times, God is there. He directs paths, heals hurts, and brings beauty from the ashes for those who turn to His mercy, grace, and forgiveness.

Opinions will differ. Some women will be flabbergasted at the thought, but many others are more accepting. The majority see it as an innocent substitution for when they cannot please their spouse, or perhaps even a great way to spice up their sex life. Some couples watch it together, while other women just see it as something men will do regardless. As if men are animals without control over their own sexual restraint. I recently saw this overwhelming acceptance of porn played out on a social media discussion and it saddened me so much. I realized it broke my heart because I once used to feel the same way.

I said as much to my spouse when he couldn’t understand why women didn’t see a problem with porn. I had in front of me a rare man, a lover of Jesus, who understood that pornography was demeaning to men and women alike, so I had to explain the way I used to think to him.

I used to not see a problem with porn. In fact, in all honesty, I enjoyed it. I used to watch it with my ex husband, and porn was just a normal part of our relationship. As a wife I wanted to keep my man happy, and if that meant being cool with strip clubs and nudie flicks then that was what I did. I thought that was normal. I thought it was healthy. I thought it was good for my marriage. But I was wrong.

The eyes are windows to the soul, so when you allow images to enter your heart that shouldn’t be there you will be negatively affected. You might not realize it at first, but eventually it wreaks havoc on your relationship. It’s poison. It’s a fantasy that you can never emulate, not that I’m sure why any of us would want to.

Pornography gives you a false sense of sex. It takes out the love and makes it all about physical pleasure, and that’s not what marriage is at all. Porn doesn’t allow real people with real problems that must be worked out. It doesn’t deal with body image issues postpartum, but instead creates an unrealistic body ideal. Porn wrecks self esteem of the watcher.

Pornography makes sex a game. It often depicts women being used and abused for the pleasure of a man like they are less than human. It’s animalistic in nature, makes it appear like women enjoy being weak and violated, and it’s no wonder it creates a false opinion of what women want and how they should be treated. Porn destroys healthy sexual relationships in marriage by trying to twist them into something they were never meant to be.

Pornography is an outlet for sexual pleasure. It’s an easy way for men and women alike to self satisfy without the messy (to mean, it requires) work of a real sexual encounter with their mate. I’ll be blatantly honest at this point for the purposes of this post. Neither myself nor my husband masturbate. When we want sexual satisfaction we find it with each other. Even when we’re tired or we’re not in the mood individually we will get there for the other. There’s no time or need for another sexual outlet in our relationship. We’ve got that base covered just fine. Porn takes the place of healthy, frequent sex in marriage.

Pornography is real. I think the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that porn isn’t cheating because it’s not real people who are a real threat. It’s just a movie, or just a magazine, but what we forget is behind that camera there’s real people having real sex. They’re getting paid to have sex on screen to give you sexual pleasure. So how is that much different than prostitution? How can a wife get mad at their husband for messaging a woman on Facebook, but not bat an eye when he ejaculates over the image of a real woman being sodomized on the TV screen? Don’t for a minute think that he’s not picturing her face when he later has sex with you. Just being honest.

Because here’s the truth about porn. It seeps inside your mind and changes how you view intimacy. It changes how you are sexually excited, and it creates a wedge between a husband and wife even if they aren’t immediately aware. It’s a gateway drug to infidelity, and it’s a substitution for intimacy in your own home. It’s a lie that twists the perception of the viewer and tries to diminish its participation in the destruction of so many lives.

Have you ever wondered about the people on the screen? Or is it easier to imagine they aren’t real? Sadly they are real people with real hurts that cause them to make the choices they do. Some are victims of child abuse, sex trafficking, or other atrocities you don’t even want to fathom. They are real people being violated and humiliated for your viewing pleasure. Imagine if that was your daughter on that screen? Or your son? If you wouldn’t want to watch your own child in a porn then why do you not have a problem watching someone else’s child on the TV?

I don’t say any of this from a pedestal, but rather from a regrettable place. I’ve been there, done that, and told myself there was really no harm. I told myself it was fun, and I told myself it was helping my marriage rather than admitting the truth that it was killing it. One factor (among many) in the dissolution of my first marriage was an acceptance of pornography in our lives. I never want my words to be received as condemning, but rather me trying to pass along the things I’ve learned along the way.

Last night I explained to my current husband that women were different than men. Sex for men is more physical, while sex for women is more emotional. Often times women will accept pornography into their marriage because they think it’s a nice additive to the sexual relationship. They like the fantasy, and their husbands like it all. Many women think porn is just something you do in your relationship, like buying lingerie to spice things up. What we don’t see is that porn is a sneaky mistress we let inside our marriages that steals our husbands’ hearts.

Laugh all you want, and say that I’m taking it too seriously, but perhaps consider this. You are worthy. While I share from experience, mostly I share from a place of love. Because you are worthwhile, and you are special and precious. And you are all your husband needs. Or you should be! When God saw Adam was lonely He created Eve. He didn’t create Eve and a good DVD. Eve was enough, and so are you. There shouldn’t be room in your marriage bed for any other woman, even the one you think is “fake” on the television. Women should be demanding complete monogamy and faithfulness in their marriages because we deserve it. We tell ourselves porn isn’t competing with us or taking away from our marriages, but that is the biggest lie out there. Porn is destroying marriages, the lives of the people on the screen, and the minds and ideals of anyone who views it. It’s the most accepted form of spiritual death out there, and sadly most wives are okay with it. It’s the sneaky mistress we open the door for and invite inside on a regular basis, and until we lock the door to it, our marriages will continue to suffer.

It’s amazing to me how quickly God can begin to change a heart, and in that vein I’m reminded of a situation that happened to me about five months ago. In the summer my personal Facebook account was hacked, and by hacked I don’t mean someone took my photo and tried to impersonate me. I mean someone used an old email attached to my Facebook account to take control of it and make it their own. I was briefly able to get in and see where he changed my profile picture, added his friends, and posted on my timeline in another language. Then I got kicked out as he changed the primary email and phone number associated with my account. I reported it, Facebook shut it down immediately, and I never got it or my author page back again.

Y’all, I won’t lie; I was devastated. Ten years I held that personal account, and the author page held followers of my blog from across the globe. I ran a lucrative home-based business from social media and a world-recognized blog, and when I lost it all I was downright depressed. God went along to show me I could make money with my business despite the loss of customers, and He went on to give me another viral blog post within a month’s time. After all, God will work out what He wants worked out despite what the world does. It’s my job to remember that.

But back to priorities. It bothered me that losing my Facebook bothered me. You know what I mean? I didn’t want to admit that I had more invested in social media than I really needed, and from that point forward God began to change my way of thinking. I wondered just how much importance I placed on a platform that couldn’t even see my heart but just a tiny little bit. It began an introspection into why what anyone thought even mattered.

It seems we’ve transformed ourselves into a society that is always ready to pose, always ready to document our lives, and eager to see who all approves. I mean, not a single one of us wants to admit it, but how many of us dress our kids for the day with the idea in mind of taking a photo and posting it to Instagram? In our desire to share the highlight reel of every day we’re creating children who place value on how they look, our own identity on how much attention our efforts are garnering, and a mindset that sees life as a stage. We’re all walking around like we have our own personal paparazzi, and we’re equipping our kiddos to assume the same.

What are our priorities?

When I was a kid I got to be a kid. I got to get dirty in my mismatched, ill-fitting play clothes while my disheveled hair, with nary an enormous, matching bow, half-covered my smiling face. It was a face that smiled because it was having fun, not because my mom was telling me to say cheese. My clothes came from thrift stores, and namebrands were not even a consideration. There wasn’t that much of a concern over what all the other girls were wearing, certainly not like it is today. And I am quite certain my mother didn’t give two toots what the other mothers thought about the way she dressed me.

What are our priorities?

So why do we as mothers today place sooooo much importance on the brand our children are wearing, what’s the latest trend, and if they are measuring up to the other kids in class?

Why are we worried about how many extra-curricular activities they’re involved in, and if we’re hitting the mark with our overloaded volunteer activities as a participating parent? Little Susie has to be in dance, gymnastics, and cheer because little Jan’s mom is handling it all just fine, and doesn’t her hair look fantastic?

What are our priorities?

We’re overly concerned with the opinion of our peers, but most of us are not in high school anymore. I think we’ve forgotten that. We think we need the shiny SUV and the big house. Why? Because that’s what everyone else has. Just look at their photos on Facebook.

Easter Sunday becomes about obligatory photos of perfect, smiling faces in beautiful dresses and shiny suits. And don’t forgot about the baskets. My goodness, the baskets! A plethora of photos of Easter baskets that have exploded out of the basket, across the table, and draped itself over the sofa. Easter has basically become Christmas Morning Part 2. But it’s cool because we go to church for like an hour and remind ourselves about that whole resurrection business. Now on to the egg hunt and ceiling-high, chocolate bunnies!

Listen, I’m not saying I don’t dye eggs and give my daughters candy. I do. And that’s fine and dandy. I love tradition. But I wonder how much merit we misplace on these things? When did birthdays become so big that we stress ourselves for the Pinterest-perfect theme, or break the bank on that very photogenic cake? When did we start thinking we have to buy a billion presents for our kids on Christmas? I love giving my children gifts too, but can’t we all be honest that they don’t even play with half the stuff?

So here we are taking pictures of ourselves for social media packing a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child. We’re so proud of that $1 doll we bought for a needy child overseas! Now hurry up and take off work early so you can go put over $500 of plastic parts in layaway for your own little one. Hey, I’m guilty; I get it.

But what are our priorities?

None of us want to downsize from our two story home to a trailer, after all. What would people think? We’ll keep working hours away from our family to pay that big mortgage, and give our spouse our emotional crumbs at the end of the day. We’ll place value on things like a big screen TV and a vacation that pulls out all the stops. I mean, we need that week at Disney together to make up for the fact that we barely see one another the other 358 days a year.

What are our priorities?

Why are we working all the time to buy all the things, and why do we spend such an elaborate amount of time sharing that with basically strangers? I’ve been asking myself the same kinds of questions. We’re living a life where a slow internet connection ticks us off, but we can ignore the homeless guy on the corner, the abused woman in our ladies’ group, or the hundreds or thousands of hungry kids within our own school district.

Recently when we put our house on the market I began to have a lot of people ask me why. They wanted to know our plans.

“Didn’t you just buy that home a couple of years ago?”

“You have a beautiful home! Why would you want to move?!”

I found myself stammering. I wasn’t sure what to say. How did I say, “we’re selling 90 percent of our possessions and going out on the road to spread the love of Jesus to everyone we meet.” It certainly sounded unconventional to me, and last night I realized I might even be a little worried people would think we were crazy. I asked myself what my priorities were. Were they concerns over what others thought of me? Or were they doing the will of God?

Was it stuff that mattered to me, or time with my family?

Was my priority to fit in with the status quo, American dream? I mean, for some people that’s their medium, that’s where they are called to serve the Lord. But what I’m learning as my husband and I seek the Lord about our priorities is it’s not for us. We are being called to something different, and it feels good!

What are our priorities?

I think whether you live in a mansion or a box it’s a good idea to ask yourself what causes you joy in life. Is it others opinions, or actions that are directed towards gaining their approval? Or is it living for Kingdom purposes? Are we teaching our children what society nowadays totes as important, or are we showing them how loving mankind is what truly matters? Are we living in a worldly mindset, or are we looking at life with an eternal view? This life, the one we stress out so much over, it’s just a flash in the pan! So why are we placing so much value on the things that don’t matter? Much of what we’re counting as important is here today, but gone tomorrow. So my question is, are we investing our time and energies in the things we can take to Heaven with us?

What are our priorities?

It’s a good question. It’s one I’m still asking myself every day. As always, I’m a work in progress with many missteps along the way. So while I’m not in any way saying you have to sell all your possessions, give the money to the poor, and move your entire family to a far corner of the planet to serve God, I am saying that we all can be blinded by the things of this world. They’re bright and shiny, and they’re really good at distracting us and taking our eyes off Jesus. So here’s what I want.

I want to live tomorrow seeing with eyes like the Lord much more than I do today. I want to be so in tune with what God wants for my life that I don’t even feel the need to be bothered by anything that He doesn’t want for me. I want to love like He does, give like He directs me to, and keep my focus on what’s important. And when I say give I’m not just talking about money. We are called to give our hearts and time for His kingdom, and I’m wondering when exactly we forgot this part?

So maybe all this sounds crazy to you, and perhaps you’re even laughing. That’s okay. I’m growing more and more towards a place where the approval of man means less and less. I want the light of God to shine out of my life, to love those around me, and to lead others to His face. The rest of it is just busy work. It’s how we spend time until He calls us home. So I figure if I have the time to spend, I might better spend it well, and when I stand before God on judgement day I hope I’ll see an account of my life that will bring more joy than sadness. It’s good to see that for now I can very well apply editing to images of my day, but I’m wise to realize that one day everything will absolutely be #nofilter.

I have been pleasantly pleased over the years to see the issue of Bullying acknowledged as a problem in society. In fact, as I type my phone autocorrects Bullying to make it capitalized. That’s great, right? That must mean that it’s well on its way to becoming a non-issue! But then I see the comments. You know the ones I’m talking about. Those thoughtless, or perhaps misguided comments that try and downplay an issue that actually causes people to take their own life. I just don’t think you can put a pretty bow on something like suicide. I don’t think you can be optimistic about an issue like that. You can’t ignore it or pretend it’s not there.

Let’s debunk some common conclusions people come to about Bullying. Just maybe it can open some stubbornly squinted eyes around here. For example, I see this one a lot.

Kids will be kids.

It just makes my blood boil to even write that down. Kids will be kids, huh? I’m thinking the people who nonchalantly make this kind of comment have never truly been bullied or had their child be a victim. They haven’t taken their daughter to the police department like my parents did when I was a teen. After finding a bloodied stuffed animal with its throat cut in my driveway they realized it wasn’t just kids being kids anymore.

Kids are kids, and in being kids they will say thoughtless words without thinking. They’ll even be mean. I get that. My kid told me a year after the last baby that my belly “was still fat.” I didn’t think she was bullying me; I knew she was just being a kid. But you see, Bullying is beyond a thoughtless comment or someone not wanting to play with you. Bullying is cruelty. It’s inhuman behavior directed at another human being. It’s making someone hurt because you hurt. It’s inflicting pain to try and lessen your own. It’s sad, really.

Bullying isn’t a kid being a kid. Bullying is making someone’s life unbearable. For me as a teen it was things like 30 prank calls an hour, spray painting whore on the road signs pointing to my driveway, or turning an entire school against me. That’s a lot to deal with when you’re a teen. When you’d rather sleep than eat, hide in a teacher’s room than face the high school hell that’s the lunch room, or crawl inside yourself to avoid the laughter and whispers then you might just begin to scratch the surface of what Bullying is like. It’s absolutely nothing like kids being kids. That actually would have been nice.

What about this gem?

It will make them stronger.

I get it. I understand trying to make a positive out of something negative. I’m a huge optimist, so I can almost get along with that kind of thinking. Except I can’t. No, just no. That’s like saying if someone is mugged in a dark alley, “well, they’ll know next time not to venture out in an area like that after dark.” Nobody would say that. So here’s the similarities of the victim of robbery and a victim of Bullying: they’re both victims, neither one asked to be a victim, and the incident will haunt them both for the rest of their lives. Think I’m being over dramatic? Then consider yourself lucky. You’ve never been the victim of Bullying.

You know what, I’ll try and meet you half way. I’ll agree that perhaps Bullying makes someone stronger in the future, if by stronger you mean less likely to trust people, build friendships, or be comfortable in social situations. I suppose it makes them stronger in that they build a hard shell around themselves to prevent harm, and that they are more on the guard for their own children to be mistreated. Guilty as charged. I’m stronger, alright, but if I could go back in time and take away that period of my life I’d do it in a second. I’d love to embrace the weakness of a woman who could trust and love more readily. Think about that next time you want to toughen up your kids. Which brings me to this one.

It prepares them for the real world.

Sigh. This actually makes me want to cry. I want to weep that we live in a world where we feel we must toughen up our children to fight back at the harshness around them. We do live in a cruel world, sadly, but being an adult is different than being a child, or even a teenager. I am able to deal with mean women a lot better at forty than I was able to deal with mean girls at fifteen. And it’s not because I was bullied. It’s because I’m an adult who has matured mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to handle such situations. We shouldn’t expect our teenagers to be able to handle the turmoil of that yet. We’re not doing them any favors by letting them transverse these situations alone. I can totally see why young girls kill themselves. I’m surprised I didn’t at that age. If social media would have been around, I might have been a statistic myself. As adults we must help be the change. I love this quote.

It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.

– L.R. Knost

Thought provoking, right? What if we as adults stopped raising bullies? What if we could mold kind, compassionate, and loving behavior for our children? What if we could instill in them a high self-worth so they don’t have the need to make themselves feel better by making someone else feel worse?

Smiling for a photo, 1993

When I was a teenager it wasn’t just one girl I considered being my bully. Sure there’s always a ring leader, but it’s also each follower that compounds the issue ten-fold. Every other kid who went along with the taunting, every teacher who turned a blind eye, and every parent who didn’t teach their children to stand up for the weak, stand against the cruel, or to offer a compassionate hand to those who need it; they were all a contributor to my experience with Bullying.

So what can we do? What if we could start by acknowledging the fact that Bullying is real? It’s not just kids being kids, and it’s not something they have to go through so they’ll be a better functioning adult. Those are just excuses we feed ourselves so we can continue to be adult bullies who raise little bullies. Just saying.

Perhaps consider this. If you don’t think Bullying is a problem then you’re part of the problem.

Addendum: I needed to add this. I did a lot of praying before I published this. You see, I didn’t want one of my former bullies to be hurt by my words above. That’s right! She’s no longer my foe, but my friend. Only God, right?! I forgave her (along with anyone else), and anything I share about bullying isn’t with anger in anyone’s general direction. God knows the people I hurt in this life before He showed me His face and changed my life! We are all works in progress. I felt the content needed to be shared so here it is.

We are called to love. It’s our number one commandment and top calling as children of God. I mean, when asked what was the greatest commandment Jesus put it out there pretty straightforward and plain. We’re to love the Lord our God with all our heart, and then we’re to love our neighbor like ourselves. I take this pretty seriously so when I contemplate loving someone as much as I love myself I want to take it even deeper. What if I loved people more than I love myself? What if I loved them kinda like how I love my children?

Although it doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface I like to think that our Heavenly Father loves us in a manner similar to how I love my children. It’s this deep, unconditional love. It’s that love that perseveres through hurt, betrayal, or even indifference. It’s the kind of love that loves you even if you don’t love back. It’s what I like to call a “no matter what” kind of love, and it’s perfect.

So when you begin to envision love in a parent to child manner aside from the deep commitment it entails you’ll also see that it comes with discipline. It comes with correction. It comes with a guidance born of the desire for the child’s best interest at heart. For example, if my four year old tried to pick up a poisonous snake I would yell harshly and quickly, “stop!” I wouldn’t allow my seven year old to cross the street without looking both ways, and I wouldn’t give my toddler free reign of the content locked beneath the kitchen sink.

I betcha no logical human being would question why I parent this way. It just makes sense that because I love them so deeply I want to protect them from harm, teach them what is correct, and prevent them from making a deadly mistake that could cost them their life. That’s true love.

True love is based in truth, so when you love someone you approach them in love and truth. You don’t hold back the knowledge you have anymore than you hold back your feelings, and by pouring out live-giving truth on that person you extend their life. It makes you wonder, though, why it isn’t logically accepted or expected to freely give the truth to our brothers and sisters in Christ. Especially when it’s a truth that can give eternal life. Now that’s true love!

There seems to have slowly evolved over time a belief that to love is to tolerate sin. This commonly held belief in society today says that if you love someone you will show tolerance for decisions that go against the truth as it is instructed in God’s word. Even many churches have fallen for the lie that to love is to show tolerance, but in doing so have shown their brothers and sisters an injustice. They’re withholding truth and knowledge that leads to an abundant life on earth and also a wonderful eternity in the presence of the Lord. By withholding truth in the name of “love” we aren’t really loving at all. We are hampering love. We are excusing sin that in essence creates a divide between God and His children. So you see, tolerance isn’t love.

You could almost say tolerance is a love that hurts you. It’s that abusive spouse who emotionally and physically harms you. They say it’s because they love you, but true love doesn’t do anything that causes pain. And that goes for visible pain, or even the pain that’s not so easy to see. Sin is like the bruises in your psyche from years of demeaning words. This comparison isn’t to downplay domestic violence of any kind, but rather to point out that a separation from the Lord is as painful, and even more so in my personal opinion, to the deep pain that is caused by man at times. It’s certainly not true love.

So if true love speaks the truth as given in God’s word, and as believers we are commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves, then isn’t it a given that to love is to share what we have been given openly and honesty? Wouldn’t holding that back be the opposite of love?

If I let my child steal from a store then I am also guilty. And if I allow a friend to live a sinful life according to scripture, never sharing my knowledge with them, or pretending that I didn’t believe their decisions to be wrong according to God’s word, am I not also guilty? Gosh, that’s something to think about.

So, is love a harsh condemnation of a stranger on the street, or perhaps a sermon directed coldly and condescendingly in a Facebook comment? Not at all. Love is relationship. Love is friendship. Love is caring. Love is built upon mutual trust and acceptance of the fact that we all carry flaws. Humans sin. That’s humanity. To love someone isn’t to call out their sin like you don’t have a bagful of your own. Love is to share the knowledge of God’s truth as He directs you, and in a manner that shows His heart, not just the desire to be correct. You share the truth out of love, but you also remember to share the truth in a loving way. This is one of the most difficult aspects of showing love; to do so in truth, but gentleness, meekness, and with a servant heart. That’s a spoonful, right?

We gotta work on this, guys. Myself included. We must stand in truth to show love, but we also have to remember to show love when we share the truth. I pray that we all may hear the Lord’s voice on how to do this best, and I am reminded that by diving into the scriptures we can get the best example of all on how this is done well; Jesus.

Today I decided to take my children to a local Civil War Museum. We live in Mississippi, and although the museum is just down the street from my house I had never been. I grew up taking frequent trips to Shiloh Battlefied so I suppose I figured I had seen all the historical facts there were to see, but it occurred to me today that my children had not. They’re still young. I figured the almost two and almost five year old might have trouble understanding it all, but my bright, seven year old would gain some great pearls of history from the excursion. So we went.

My seven year old knew about the Civil War from previous lessons, but I reiterated key points as we did our tour. In all honesty it probably wasn’t the best educational experience with the younger two running around, but I still tried to make sure she understood the seriousness of this particular piece of our history. As she sat on a bench next to a statue of an African American girl I asked her if she had any questions. I assumed she would, but I really didn’t expect what she said next.

She asked hesitantly, “are we bad people, Momma? Are we bad cause we kept them as slaves?”

I was caught off guard by her question and also saddened that it was something that even needed to be pondered, but I was also proud of her empathy, conviction, and introspection at such a young age. I answered the best I could.

In a way yes, and in a way, no. As humans ruled by sin we can do despicable things. Our ancestors did a very bad thing by treating people like property rather than living beings with a soul. We can be sad by what they did, we can learn from their mistakes, we can understand that black people today still hurt a whole bunch because of what happened, but we cannot change what happened. We can’t undo the bad things, but we can move forward in good.

We can make a point to live today and each day being kind, treating people equally and with love, and showing them the good in us. God in us. That’s the most important thing to know. We did bad, but we can still do good. We’re not bad, because of Jesus, and we’re only good by His grace.

When I finished I looked at her solemnly and asked, “do you understand?”

“Yes, Momma.” She smiled. “I love you.”

Then I thought, I love you too, baby. I wish I could take all the bad away so it never touched you, but then I also know that there’s many bad things, such as this, that you absolutely must see so that you’ll be better able to understand God’s goodness at work in our lives, how much we absolutely need Him, and how you can be His hands and feet in a bad world.

Are white people bad? We’re all bad; white, black, brown, yellow, and green. God is the only thing good in any of us.

I adore having little girls. Many times I get lost in their beauty, am amazed at their innocence and trust, and revel at their childlike faith. I am captivated by the precious gifts before me, and I take their future and safety very seriously. I realize a few things.

For one, I am solely responsible for their virtue.

I cannot place the task on their friend’s mom or even my own family, and while I have a few trusted family members who help me with their care, I am aware that in the end it is my responsibility to raise my girls right, protect them from any and all harm, and lead them towards a bright and fulfilling future. While there are so many factors that could arise that are out of my control, there are still many issues that I can have a huge hand in to ensure the outcome is more likely a positive one for them.

For one, I don’t surround my daughters with music that teaches them to objectify their bodies. I can’t understand why pop culture persists with half-naked women shaking their rumps to eager eyes. With the surge of feminine rights it just doesn’t seem to coincide, yet strangely it does. Society teaches our daughters to show all parts of their body freely, to get what they want by using their sexual prowess, but demand that we aren’t judged by our pant’s or cup size. Not sure how that works.

So we dress our tiny tots in shorts that cut into their rear and post on social media funny videos of them dancing like an adult pop star. We laugh and laugh as they twerk, but it’s not cute. Not to me.

Little girls dancing like grown women.

It’s not cute.

Makeup and adult clothing on toddlers.

It’s not cute.

And then there’s this little fact.

The world is cruel, and it is full of bad people.

People who don’t have the best intentions. People who wish to harm others, take advantage of the weak, and other unspeakable atrocities. Remember when I said it was our responsibility to protect their virtue? It is! And we are in a battle against the world. It’s a world that wishes to teach them to use their bodies to get what they want. It’s a world that teaches them to base their self-worth on their outward appearance, the attention they can garner, and how many likes or followers they can get to prove they’re good enough. Everyone wants to go viral, but what about being unique? What about loving yourself for being true to you? And what about parents teaching healthy self-worth right from the start?

What if we teach our children that they’re worth more than brand names or the perfect filter? How about teaching them that their body is a temple, made by God, and perfect in His design? What if we then showed them how to respect their temple, respect themselves, and respect those around them? What if we gave them positive role models, praise without props and pictures, and protection from the world that would try to harm them?

It’s definitely outside of today’s norm, but maybe it’s okay to be different. Maybe it’s just fine and dandy. Perhaps kids can be kids, wear clothing that doesn’t look like they’re headed to a magazine, photo shoot, and we can think as parents before we act. We can ask ourselves things like, “what am I teaching my child when I put them in booty shorts and tell them to drop it like it’s hot.”

And forgive me if my slang is off. I really have no idea. My point is, I think our children are the future, and I think we owe our children the best future possible. They don’t know what faces them out there. It’s our job to train them up the way they should go, equip them properly, build their esteem, but also maintain self-worth. It’s our responsibility to not only teach them that they’re precious, but also model for them how they can walk confidently in that high standard. They’re so much more than the bodies they haven’t even grown into yet, but they count on us to teach them that. The world will try its best to go in opposition to maintaining their virtue, so our job as loving parents is to keep it and their sweet spirits intact.

Meet Brie

Brie is a thirty-something (sliding ever closer to forty-something) wife and mother. When she's not loving on her hubby, bouncing a happy toddler on her hip, chasing her preschooler, or teaching her six year old at the kitchen table, she enjoys cooking, reading, and writing down her thoughts to share with others. But honestly she loves nothing more than watching a great movie, or a hot bath, alone if the children allow. Which never happens.Read More…

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