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20-foot owl, cheese crackers and virgins? Yay, for Bohemian Grove!

Published: January 28, 2011

When you hear that there’s a place in California where they have homosexual orgies and sacrifice infants to a giant owl deity, it’s difficult not to jack in your job, bid adieu to the wife and kids and run screaming toward the lodge, shouting “yes, yes, YES!”It was back down to Bohemian Grove on the History Channel last night as investigative journalist Brad Meltzer headed to the 2700-acre encampment near Monte Rio in California, in an attempt to verify some of the sinister rumours that have been eddying around the place for decades.

George W. Bush gaining incredible powers after a few weeks at Bohemian Grove

In Brad Meltzer’s Decoded, the television sleuth attempted to reveal amoral activities during the annual symposium of the sickeningly rich and absurdly influential from the worlds of politics, business and industry etc, who descend upon the massive wooded encampment in the middle of the countryside for wine, cheese, and to genuflect at the feet of a 20-foot high owl, whilst enjoying homosexual liaisons – apparently.Attendees of the Bohemian Grove summit have been consistently accused of dark practises and bizarre devil-worshipping rituals by many enthusiastic conspiracy theorists, with this event being theevent guaranteed to bring them limping and drooling like a bunch of evangelical zombies out of the woodwork of their trailer parks and into the real world. If there was a conspiracy theorists calendar (available at Walmart?), this would be the main annual event.The problem with all the conspiracy theorists that are presented to us, is that they come across as slightly crazy, socially inept, fatuous evangelists that provide us with tenuous and often risible evidence to back up their inane theories – and oft delivered with the kind of unparalleled wet-lipped enthusiasm that would ruin their chances of success during an interview at McDonalds to insert ‘apple pies’ into little cardboard tubes.Ritual fomenter and professional anti-New World Order crusader Alex Jones was the conspiracy theorist of choice on Decoded – a man so convinced that 9/11 was an inside job that he recommends keeping an arsenal of weapons cocked and loaded, should a crack team of marines, controlled by an evil group of the world governments’ elite arrive in a big black shiny helicopter, steal you and put you in secret prison. Compelling advice generally delivered via a handheld megaphone on street corners. Credible then.Oh and did you know that George W Bush carries out rituals in a tomb as part of a satanic group called Skull and Bones? Yeah, a tomb!If our rich folk want to get together and kick off their expensive but sensible leather slip-ons once in a while and a couple of virgins go missing as a result, what’s the big deal? They must have very stressful jobs. If someone sent me an invite that read “Bloody cabaret, owl deity (20 feet +), cheese and crackers,” I’d say yes in a heartbeat.

It’s not that I think secret government plans to cull and control the world population are unfeasible, I don’t trust the world leaders and industry giants and their Bohemian Grove antics anymore than I trust the word of Alex Jones, but if conspiracy theorists really want to convince us – of anything – they need to work on their delivery. They need to separate the possible truths from the obvious bullshit. They need to deliver their messages calmly and without the wet-lipped hysteria and bullhorns. It’s just not professional and it’s not convincing. Less rhetoric and more compelling evidence please, because I want to believe; really I do. Please share your thoughts on the rise of conspiracy theorism, Bohemian Grove, cheese crackers and virgins, or anything else related to this article by leaving a comment.