Trump’s Executive Time Twitter Was Extra Loony This Morning!

Lordy, President Executive Time is livetweeting Fox again! Why must the country be subjected to so much bullshit before 10 in the morning? Can’t we all just eat our damn breakfast without being bombarded by lunatic ranting from everyone’s least favorite demented orange uncle?

Okay, let’s round ’em up in one lightning edition of What Is The Old Fool Saying Now? Ready?

President Trump, flummoxed by DACA, Wall, and basic math

Dok already gave you the deets on the one million crazy DACA tweets from the asshole who canceled the program by Executive Order and then held a metaphorical gun to the head of the 1.3 million people who were brought here as children. He threatened to non-metaphorically deport them if the Democrats wouldn’t fund his stupid Fuck You Mexico wall. And when the Democrats said, Oh, fine. Here’s $ 25 billion for your damn wall if you’ll let the kids stay, Trump himself refused to sign the deal.

Whatever, those are just, like facts.

It’s this here tweet that we’re stuck on.

What the fuck is he even talking about? The White House’s plan only got 39 votes, so even if they deployed the “Nuclear Option” and got rid of the filibuster they’d still be 11 votes short. GOP Senators Rounds, Collins, Murkowski, Flake, Graham, Gardner, Alexander, and Isakson voted against it. And Trump himself lobbied against the DACA plan that got the approval of 54 Senators.

MATH, HOW DOES IT WORK?

Trump is so mad that people are being mean to Sinclair Broadcasting!

As Robyn mentioned this morning, George Soros Sinclair Broadcasting is under fire for forcing all its affiliates to air identical “editorials” trashing the media for broadcasting fake news. But Donald Trump knows that Sinclair, which routinely runs pro-Trump propaganda, is better than those other fake stations that actually label their opinion content as NOT FACT.

For a washed up teevee star, Donald Trump is surprisingly ignorant about how media works. You love Sinclair and hate NBC? Sinclair owns 33 ABC affiliates, 27 CBS outlets, 43 Fox stations, AND 22 NBC AFFILIATES. But please, tell us more about how the media is BIASSSSS against Trump.

Trump is tanking Amazon’s stock to punish WaPo for writing about his finances — TOTALLY NORMAL!

On Friday, the Washington Post wrote about the many investigations into Trump’s shady finances. And by sheer coincidence, Trump spent the weekend shit-tweeting that the Post should register as a lobbyist. He also went after Amazon, which was founded by Jeff Bezos, the owner of the Washington Post, causing Amazon’s stock value to decline 10% over the past week.

Simmer down, Poppy! Not everyone who writes mean shit about you is a lobbyist. And federal law mandates that the Postal Service’s package division be profitable. Just because Amazon gets a discounted rate for dropping off thousands of pre-sorted packages every day for “last mile” delivery by the mailman doesn’t mean that Amazon gets a subsidy. That’s like saying the grocery store is subsidizing me 35 cents a roll for buying a 24-pack of toilet paper instead of single rolls.

Please ignore those IRL accountants who have evaluated Amazon’s deal with the USPS and found it to be profitable. Or as Axios put it,

“The whole post office thing, that’s very much a perception he has,” another source said. “It’s been explained to him in multiple meetings that his perception is inaccurate and that the post office actually makes a ton of money from Amazon.”

Riiiiight. Remember, this is the same Stable Genius who just knows — no matter what his own administration keeps telling him — that the US trade surplus with Canada is actually a trade deficit. Probably because of the Postal Service giving Amazon a break on all those hardwood imports.

Childers: The U.S. Postal service is actually making money as a result of delivering [Amazon packages]

Payne: No one knows… Many think they’re losing money. pic.twitter.com/ts04u8b3xU

— Matthew Gertz (@MattGertz) April 2, 2018

You mean this shit is coming from Rupert Murdoch’s Propaganda Network For Rape and Pillage Capitalists Who Are Definitely Not Lobbyists? Well, color us shocked!

There is ALWAYS a tweet!

Trump finished off the morning complaining that the FBI has only assigned four dozen agents to deal with Devin Nunes’s bullshit document requests. We’re not screenshotting that shit because, frankly, we are already bored with that loon and his nonsense. But those of you who are familiar with the Twitter website know the rules.

Yep, according to Donald Trump, the Parkland shooting happened because too many FBI agents were wasting their time trying to figure out how he ratfucked the election. The world would be a much safer place if those agents were doing something useful, like diving down the fucking Uranium One rabbit hole.