Archive for December, 2010|Monthly archive page

Too often, sex toys are associated primarily with women. However, there are toys that can spice up sex for guys too. While a variety of different toys are created for men, one of the male sex toy staples is the cock ring. Not all men respond to cock rings the same way, but some bonuses of wearing one on the penis during masturbation, oral sex, or intercourse can be larger and harder erections, heightened orgasms and sensitivity, and delayed ejaculation. A fun variation on the basic cock ring, especially when having sex with a woman, is the vibrating rock ring. The vibrations both offer an enjoyable buzz on the penis and stimulate the girl’s clitoris during intercourse. There is a wide variety in price and quality, from disposables that offer less intense vibrations for less than ten dollars to rechargeable cock rings with 6 vibration settings for over $100. Pictured here is Babeland’s Iconic Ring, which is somewhere in between. Priced at $35, it is rechargeable, water resistant and backed by a one-year warranty. So guys, if you’re tired of girls having all the vibrating fun, one of these may be the way to go!

After all of the backlash that this newsletter, as well as the Sexperts program, has received, it is time we inform Dartmouth about the importance of talking about sex through the straight- forward Sex Song of the Month: Salt-N-Pepa’s “Let’s Talk About Sex.” A controversial hit song released in 1991 off of their Blacks’ Magic album, Salt-N-Pepa spread awareness about the positives and negatives of sex, practicing safe sex, and the censorship of sexuality at a time when AIDS was a huge deal. “Let’s Talk About Sex” samples the Staple Singers’ “I’ll Take You There,” and its chorus is simple, yet extremely catchy: “Let’s talk about sex, baby/Let’s talk about you and me/ Let’s talk about all the good things/ And the bad things that may be.” The original music video basically features couples hooking up, Salt rapping over the radio, and the well-known Salt- N-Pepa dance moves and style that defined the early 90s era. The song was also re-made into “Let’s Talk About AIDS” as a radio promotional single and it focused on AIDS awareness. Just when you initially thought a song entitled “Let’s Talk About Sex” was a raunchy, sexy, romp anthem, it ends up being a great way to spread the word on topics that seem to be swept under the rug in the media. Although there has been improvement over the years in addressing sex, there are still people uninformed or uncomfortable with talking about it, and that is where sources like the Humpday Gazette and the Sexperts program come in to help.

SAY IT’S FOR STUDYING ANATOMY: The first drive through “one stop romance shop”, called Pleasures and selling sex toys, lubes, and other sexual stimulants, has been founded in Huntsville, Alabama. However, due to the ban on the sale of sex toys in the state, all buyers have to fill out paperwork to prove “bona fide medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial or law enforcement purpose.” [Al.com]

CHEATING CAN BREAK YOUR HEART: An Italian study revealed that men who were faithful to their partners and had active sex lives had fewer heart problems and lived longer. Possible explanations include decreased stress from infidelity and positive effects of increased testosterone. [The Telegraph]

STILL BETTER THAN SADDLEBACKING: Research may indicate that HPV is responsible for a rising number of head and neck cancer in men. This type of cancer has formerly been attributed to heavy drinking and smoking, but the rise may be due to changing sexual norms, especially increased unprotected oral sex. The Gardasil vaccine protects against four strains of HPV and is available at Dick’s House for both men and women. [ABC News]

A recent study comparing sexual health in Europe (specifically the Netherlands) and the United States has shown that we Sexperts may be taking steps in the right direction by frankly discussing sex and sexual health. The study compared the tone of condom ads and parental views on premarital sex and how they affect the sexual health of teens on both sides of the Atlantic. The United States has a teen pregnancy rate three to six times higher than that of any Western European country. The American view that teen sexuality is “reckless and dangerous” causes many parents to use scare tactics to “control” it. On the other hand, Dutch parents spend more time teaching teens how to be ready and responsible when they do decide to become sexually active, instead of preaching abstinence. This difference in opinions seems to come from opposing views on teen love. In the United States, many parents don’t believe that teenagers experience “real” love, while the Dutch view love as common amongst teenagers and expect sex to only occur within a committed relationship. In response to the question, “Would you permit your child to spend the night with a girlfriend or boyfriend in his or her room at home,” 9 out 10 American parents responded no. Comparatively, 9 out of 10 Dutch parents said yes, if the child was over 16 and in a committed relationship. Rather than hiding their sexuality like in the U.S., Dutch teens often sit down with parents, talk about why they are ready to have sex and seek permission. This healthy approach to teen sexuality may explain why only 12% of girls and 5% of boys in the Netherlands wish they have waited longer to have sex, as opposed to 69% of girls and 63% of boys in the U.S. Even condom ads demonstrate and reinforce this difference in opinion. American condom ads almost always have a negative slant; one compares sex without a condom to fighting an industrial fire naked (which still compares sex with a condom to the oh-so-fun activity of fighting an industrial fire clothed). Europe- condom ads focus on linking sex and love (one ad says “Give the gift of love” above a condom) and using humor to promote condom use. Overall, the healthy and open approach to sexuality in Europe seems to lead to greater teen sexual and mental health.

As strange as this may seem coming from a Sexpert, when I was younger I despised talking about sex or anything related to it. I was that kid who clapped her hands over her ears and sang as loudly as possible at the first hint of “the birds and the bees” talk from my mother. Soon after, I told my fifth grade teacher I had a migraine in a failed attempt to avoid a similar health talk at school. As I got older I began to emerge from the anti-sex bubble where I had previously resided. By middle school I could tell a dirty joke with only the slightest feeling of discomfort and enjoyed playing the “penis” game where you replace a word in a movie title with the word penis (my 7th grade favorite: Alice in Penis-land). Still, even talking with my friends about making out with a boy made my insides squirm—not in a good way.

As I progressed through high school, I became involved in a serious relationship that lasted for four years. With this relationship came experience, and while my experiences never made me feel personally guilty, I was too nervous or ashamed to ever discuss them with my close friends. I never thought there was an issue with this silence until I realized there was so much I didn’t know about sex; sure there was always the risk of babies and some really nasty virus called HIV, but I truly wasn’t nearly as informed about the decisions I was making as I should have been. Then came college.

Remember when you told me that if parents these days think their kids aren’t having sex, they’re burying their heads in the sand?I laughed then, but now I’m saying thanks. And I’m not saying thanks for your understanding about my sex life because, after all, we both know it does not exist. I’m not saying thank you for understanding my friends’ sex life either, because frankly, they do not really care whether or not you applaud their decision to throw their virginity to the wind. And I’m not saying thank you for telling me that straight-laced adults are stupid, because the truth is that it is not all that important to me what they think about when my underwear stays on and when it hits the floor.

While the only way to fully protect yourself from STIs is to use protection every single time (and even then, there is still a risk of some viral infections), it is imperative to be able to recognize the symptoms in the case that an accident occurs. An extremely common STI in the US is gonorrhea, a bacterial infection that grows readily within the reproductive tract of both men and women. The CDC estimates that 700,000 Americans are infected with gonorrhea every single year, although only half of this number is reported. Gonorrhea can be spread through any sexual contact (mouth, penis, anus, vagina), but can also be spread from a mother to child during delivery. Because the bacteria can be found anywhere within the reproductive tract (including the entrance of the urethra), ejaculation does not have to occur for the infection to spread. Symptoms can differ between men and women. While some men do not experience any symptoms, those that do may experience burning while urinating, odd-colored penile discharge, and swollen, painful testicles. In women, symptoms are often confused with a bladder or other vaginal infection. Symptoms include burning sensation while peeing, increased vaginal discharge and bleeding between periods. While gonorrhea is curable, untreated gonorrhea can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease in women and permanent reproductive damage. Once diagnosed, gonorrhea can be treated with several different types of antibiotics.

I hate the fact that sex is so predominant in our culture. Wait, that’s a lie. I hate the version of sex that is so present in modern American society. Advertisements, television, music, porn- every day, we are exposed to sex or sexuality in some way. The problem is the vast majority of these mediums portray sex and sexuality a certain way, creating overwhelming social norms regarding sex that are harmful for everyone. We primarily see young, straight, toned, and nondisabled people having sex or being portrayed as sexually appealing. Sex is awesome and always results in orgasms (unless something is wrong with the relationship), something that men should always want and try to get from women, and something that is earned or deserved. Sexual health and consent are rarely mentioned, except in clear-cut cases of pregnancy, STD’s, or rape. When issues with consent are actually addressed by the media, sexual assault usually revolves around a female who is a “good girl,” who doesn’t deserve it (as if someone else would deserve to be raped?) or put herself at risk in someway, placing some of the responsibility on the victim. All of this is, of course, only a sliver of how sex and sexuality truly exist in the real world. However, because these norms and stereotypes have become part of our culture, those with different experiences are alienated, with dangerous results.

One of the most important aspects of awareness of one’s own sexuality is keeping you and your partner healthy. One way to do this is through awareness of the risk of STD’s and the possibility of personal exposure. STD screening at Dick’s House is typically quick and easy. You can schedule an appointment with a provider by calling the Dick’s House appointment office at 603-646-9401. If you are not having any symptoms, STD screening typically involves obtaining a urine sample to check for Chlamydia and doing an oral swab for HIV testing. Please do not urinate one hour prior to the appointment. We recommend this screening annually or with any new partners. Getting yourself screened for STD’s and asking your partner to get screened should not be seen as a sign of promiscuity or lack of trust. Instead, see it as part of a routine to keep yourself and your current and future sexual partners healthy. You can expect to have accurate Chlamydia results 3 weeks after exposure and accurate HIV results 3 months after exposure.

If you are having any concerning symptoms it is important that you come in for screening as soon as you can. Symptoms that you should be seen for are any genital lesions or sores, unusual vaginal or urethral discharge, burning with urination, pelvic or testicular discomfort or any other symptoms you are concerned about.

I sat facing her on her living room couch. She looked worried and wanted to know what was going on. So did I. I had been home from vacation for two weeks, and had been nervous, withdrawn, and uncommunicative almost the whole time. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so uncomfortable around her. Whatever it was, we both knew it wasn’t good.

This was antithetical to how we began our relationship. The day we officially decided to start dating, a few days after we first kissed in the snow, she said to me on the train, “I want us to be completely open and honest with each other.” I practically jumped out of my seat with elation: that’s exactly the kind of communication I had been looking for in a relationship, and I told her this. In the first few months of our relationship, I learned to trust her completely. She told me what needed to be said, even if it was hard to say or if she thought it would be hard for me to hear. Following her lead, I began to do the same, knowing that with her, I would always be met with an engaged ear, a reasonable mind, and patience – a safe space in which to speak honestly and openly. I never feared ridicule.