Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Finally after nearly a year (really! holy cow!) of physcial therapy I mentioned to my GP that I still didn't feel like I was fixed. That there are days with a lot of pain and what I refer to as 'the weakness'. She is a sports med doc but said that there is another bloke in her office who is even more of a sports med geek than she, so she thought it would behoove me to have a visit with him.

I did, last week, and now have an appointment with a NEW physical therapist for 6:45am on Friday (yes, that reads A.M. - what I won't do to be fixed, I tell ya). This particular PT is a myofascial dude who is, in a sense, going to deep tissue massage the heck out of three particular trouble areas that seem to be holding me back. Something isn't allowing me to stay 'balanced' or in alignment for longer than an hour or so. The new doc thinks this may be the answer.

This is going to be painful. When people hear massage they think relaxing and yoga music and all that great stuff. Now, I love massages like that but I know all too well how this one is going to work. My lovely masseuse has done one or two of these for me in the past and I walk out of there feeling like she beat the crap out of me.

But someone has to break this connection that my muscle's have to the tissue. According to my new doc this guys is a miracle worker. We'll see.

Friday, September 10, 2010

*ALERT* Another poop post. Seriously, if you can't deal with reading about poop. Skip this post.

I need help, universe. I need help managing my frustration and anger. I need help controlling my reactions and responses. I need help. And I need prayers for my little one.

Little Miss C is on day five. Day five of not pooping. This is typically when we have broken down and given her a suppository. But we've decided to not go that route this time. We've come to that twice in the last month or so and she does not do well. Sure, the desired effect of removing the blockage happens, but she gets pale, shaky and overall just looks like hell. It clearly has side affects that are less than desirable. Less desirable than what she is dealing with now? We'll see.

So, here we sit on day five with a little girl who had a hard time sleeping last night because her tummy was cramping. I had to put her in the diaper over night - which we've been out of for over a month - because she is seeping. When she woke this morning I had to give her a quick bath to clean her up.

And she still wouldn't poop.

So we got dressed and she ate her waffle, squirming and clenching the whole time, crying. She finally went and sat on the potty but wouldn't poop. Or even pee for that matter.

Can you imagine the pain she is in?

And I'm not helping. I see how she is hurting herself and all I can think of is how much damage she could be doing to herself. And I just don't get it. I don't. I can't get her to change her mind that it would be better if she just pooped.

People tell me that it may be because she is afraid of losing part of herself. But I don't know if I buy that. When she is pooping, we don't get a sense of that at all - in fact she is proud that she has pooped.

Other ideas are that she is scared that is will hurt. That I get. You bet it will, because we are on day five. It hurts when we're on day three. This girl needs to poop every day or we have a problem. Not kidding you.

Fiber the issue, don't think so. My girl eats her veggies and fruits all day every day. Back her off milk, already doing that. Cheese. Out. Bananas. No more.

I can't focus. I walked halfway into work this morning before realizing that I left my laptop in the car. I have no patience with anyone else. Especially if people won't listen to me. I have to figure out how to let this go.

Please send prayers her way. I know it sounds trite, but we need all the help we can get. This vicious cycle needs to stop.

Friday, August 27, 2010

I should be happy that I ran 2.1 miles last night and appear to be mostly pain free today. However, all I can think about it my pace. Average of nearly 12 minute miles. I've lost a lot of speed.

I know in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. The fact that I am running, and as the Hubby pointed out last night, should make me happy.

But I'm struggling with the fact that I've lost my speed. I look at my cottage cheese thighs and get angry. Come back muscle! Come back speed! Come back strength so I can feel the ground under me fly by at my normal 9-10 minute mile pace.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

For most of my adult life I have played softball. In the summer I play in a women's league for women 25+. This league is run by our local Catholic Athletic Association.

For the last three years I have played co-ed ball in the fall with members of our church. I've also played some co-ed ball with friends in years past. And let me just say this. I don't like playing with the men. Outside of the Hubby, who is a competitive person but not in this sport, and a handful of other men, it's very frustrating. I've been playing ball for what.... nearly 30 years now. I manage a team with a winning record in the summer league. I coached girls softball for several years. I think I know what the hell I am doing. This doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, but I don't need to be told when to cover home (as I am now relegated to catcher - which I don't actually mind) and when I need to make a tag versus having a force. Yeah. Kinda know that thanks. And if I see another man call off a woman who clearly has a bead on the ball - I'm apt to go out and kick his ass.

Last night was the first night the Hubby and I played with our team in the fall league. I was hesitant to return this year because it was somewhat trying last year. Last night put the icing on the cake for me. It was an especially intense game as we were playing our sister team, More. We, Even More, were down one female player so we played short in the field. As an aside, we were also playing on AstroTurf - quite a different playing field! Regardless, those two things had little impact on the reason I have decided I no longer want to play next year.

Each team had female players essentially mowed down by male players who are, what, I don't know, trying to make some point about how good of athletes they are? It turned into a near fight with one player on each team yelling at each other and in a nutshell, threatening to fight one another. No kidding people. There was talk about smashing someones face and all that male bull that gets thrown out when things get out of hand.

Um... did I mention we go to church with the vast majority of these people? The Hubby, being the sane male he is, stayed out of all of it. I, being the shortest player on both teams, stayed out of it. But it made my blood boil.

I deal with egos all freaking day at work. ALL day. I want to go to the field to play a fun game and enjoy myself. The reaction of these two males ruined the rest of the game for me. I wanted to speak to no one. When the More player came to the plate I wanted very much to hit him upside the head and ask him who the hell he thinks he is making this uncomfortable for the rest of us. Mind you, I wanted to do the same to the player on our team but I didn't have to - his mom was there so she took care of that matter on our behalf.

Needless to say, I'm done with co-ed ball. Unless I can find a team of guys who refuse to let their hormones (and you talk about women - yeesh! no wonder we have to many freaking wars) dictate how they will react to one another.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

I went to meet a nutritionist yesterday. I've been off the wagon for quite some time and my continued hip issues haven't helped much. I find excuses to not exercise. Which all leads to weight gain, which furrther exacerbates the hip issue.

So I took the first step and decided that I needed some guidance on how to eat better. Really, I know what I should and shouldn't eat. What I need is accountability. I'm blessed that my company contracts with a nutritionist and my visit to her was at no cost. I return to her in two weeks and in the meantime I am logging everything I eat.

We spent 30 minutes chatting about my eating habits and where I need to make adjustments. Overall, she wasn't disappointed in me, but I need to make some pretty definite changes - like upping the fiber intake by another 5-10 grams a day. You'd think that would be easy... but I've also been put on a 1400/day calorie goal. So I've obviously got to cut a bunch of other non-helpful stuff out of my diet. In addition, I need to change my snacking from a single carb or single protein to a combo. And I have to drop a snack unless I am working out that day.

Yesterday didn't go as well as I would have liked - I ended up over 1400 but hopefully not by too much. My dear hubby already went grocery shopping and stocked me up with dried fruits, nuts, string cheese and fresh veggies from the farmer's market. I packed myself some snacks for the week and hope that having them readily available will stop me from choosing less healthy alternatives.

Typically, it takes my body roughly a week to adjust. And I get a bit hangry (hungry+angry). The next several days are going to be tough as I am giving blood tomorrow (need more than 1400 calories so I don't faint when I get off the chair), I am getting together with some pals on Saturday and have a graduation party on Friday. I just need to stay focused and not go overboard.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I suppose I should count my blessings that thus far in life the only true 'trial' we're experiencing with Little Miss C is her unwillingness to use the potty. Where she gets this stubborn streak from, I have no idea... (what? Do I hear my parents laughing hysterically in the background? And saying, "payback is a bitch?")

One day she will go well - tell us every time she has to go and go fairly quickly. Other days it is a trial to get her to go into the bathroom and she takes forever - or doesn't go. It wouldn't be a big issue if she didn't go but we're still in that stage where we will be out somewhere and we fear she will have an issue. Like last night at my department picnic. We made three trips to the bathroom (where I had to hold onto her b/c her tiny hiney would have fallen in) with no success. Talk about stage fright.

And pooping. She hasn't done if for three whole days. She WON'T poop in the potty. Simply won't do it. So we've been the bad parents that allow her to still poop in her diaper. I fear she will be like a friend's daughter who has been going #1 in the potty for nearly a year but still won't poop on the potty. But what else are we to do?

It's seriously stressing me out. Which I know she picks up on. She is so close... but she is scared. I don't know what else to do. I've upped the bribe (she gets M&Ms if she goes) to six M&Ms and still nothing. I even gave her the chance to go in her diaper Sunday night but she said she didn't want to, because she was three. Now I'm afraid she is impacted.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Did you know rhubarb is a vegetable. I did not. You learn something new every day.

Our strawberry patch has been kicking out berries to the tune of 1 cup a day. We've been keeping up so far with eating them. But we're going to burn out soon. I grabbed one cup this week (or so) and made some delicious strawberry banana muffins (which had what we thought would be a bit too much vanilla due to some inadvertent help from Little Miss C - but they turned out delish!).

I'm debating about strawberry rhubarb concoctions. My step-grandmother makes some great pies... but I'm jonsing for some crisp or cobbler. Dear husband is voting for cobbler. And since I am asking him to stop at the farmer's market tomorrow to buy me some more rhubarb, I guess I will go with his preference.

Friday, May 28, 2010

OK. Not sure if anyone has heard of this show. Yes, the premise does seem a bit...boring. But when your neighbor is one of the people on the show - you watch. Just so you can see him. It's a hoot. Pete & I plopped ourselves down on the couch and tuned into a show we might have skipped over otherwise. (We did spend a fair amount of time watching the Twins beat the Yankees, btw.)

And in case you didn't watch - our neighbor is the dude standing second in line if you start from the right of this picture. He had to deal with a drunk old man and a couple other 'issues' in the episode focused on the Vikings players event.

Having worked at the MoA for a couple of years I probably have more respect for these people than the average rube. Having dealt with shoplifters, kids who have parents who clearly do not give a crap about where they are and what they are up to and enough rudeness and inappropriate behavior from 'patrons' to last me a LONG time - I appreciate that these cats take it off my hands and deal with it so I don't have to. Get it out of my store and/or make sure it doesn't make it to my store. That's all I cared about.

Thanks to Benny and all his colleagues!!!

Oh... and thanks for the times you walked me to my car when I left a floor set at an ungodly hour.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Ahh... Mother's Day. Pretty mellow at our house. This is how I like to spend my mother's day. And I'm being 100% serious.

Got up - gave Claire a bath before church as we initiated our new fire pit on Saturday night.

Had pancakes made by my hubby.

Went to church where Claire did a good job staying composed. Bought some treats from the bake sale.

Mowed the lawn after church. I NEVER get to do this anymore and I LOVE mowing the lawn.

Went to Menards by myself to get mulch. Went to another Menards b/c the first was out. Came home. Chatted with my hubby and went back to Menards to buy a different kind of mulch afer talking to my neighbor. Ended up buying cedar chips instead anyway. Oh well.

Went to Boca Chica for dinner and had a fantastic chicken chimi. And we were lucky to have a live trio walking around the restaurant playing music. Very cool!!

Was allowed to fall asleep on the chair for a few minutes after dinner.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

This has been rolling around in my head for a couple of days. Ever since I went shopping two weeks ago. It was reinforced on Saturday.

I dread shopping. This has gotten progressively worse as I get bigger and bigger. And not taller people. I'm still under 5 feet. I despise shopping because I am not shaped like a normal woman. This is really my incentive for losing weight. It has nothing to do with feeling better about myself or living a healthy lifestyle. It has to do with taking the pain out of shopping.

Let me list my top 10 reasons I hate shopping.

10. Short legs.

9. Which are not in proportion to my big ass.

8. Or my wide hips.

7. And my muffin top. All that leads to hell when buying pants. Let's not even discuss the jeans. And swimsuits. Sweet Jesus.

6. Girls that seem to change size dependent upon the moon. Seriously.

5. Small shoulders that are not in proportion to the girls.

4. Did I mention the muffin top?

3. No good boutiques nearby for small women that don't make me look like a hoochie-mama.

2. Spending a boat-load of money on clothing.

1. Size 5 shoes.

Apparently, all shoe manufacturers and retailers must think that if you wear a size 5 women's shoe you are a child. So you must prefer to wear shoes covered in Bratz dollz or bright-freaking-pink flowers. When I do find shoes that could pass as an adults, the support in them are crap. I think my physical therapist is going to ban me from stepping into the kids section.

So. My shopping excursion for my friend's wedding in NYC is costing me a pretty penny. My dress is more than I would have liked (but it seems to fit and makes me look normal) and I was able to find a pair of silver shoes after hunting for TWO days. Urgh.

Now I am on a quest to buy some Spanx to help me look even better in said dress (and all others I own). I tried one today that I am wearing to work that is not gonna make the cut. I need a full-body girdle. But where the hell is all that extra crap going to go? This sucks.

I want to go home and crawl into my sweatpants, t-shirt and running shoes.

Friday, March 05, 2010

Got this from my friend Carrie. Very interesting... At least I am doing a couple of things that match this descriptor. My work environment, not so much. I bolded and colored the words that resonated with me.

You're a CREATORKeywordsNonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and EmotionalThese original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR WORKPLACESConsider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Have you ever worked for a place that should provide you tons of resources but because of the red tape and hierarchy it's nearly impossible to get anything done?

That is where I live. Add to that I am the only person fulfilling my role for what should be two jobs serving 70000+ employees worldwide. Job security right....

OK, so here's the deal. We're launching some pretty cool stuff, finally catching up with the technologies that are out there, such as internal social media channels, blogging inside the firewall and now our own personal youtube inside the company. As a trainer I should be super-duper psyched. But I'm not. Because, I will be asked to create these wonderful things without any support.

Oh, and the use of my own personal video camera.

Which I do not own. (At least not one that doesn't physically involve an actual TAPE, people.)

(How can I not own one when I am the mother of a toddler, you ask? Because I am married to my husband, that's why. He is the antithesis of an early adopter of any sort of technology. He's more like a non-adopter.)

So instead of my company laying out a few hundred bucks for something that will pay for itself in the end, I am researching options for my own personal use. I might as well bite the bullet and buy one for home, which will be used for Little Ms. C's upcoming life events but which can also be used for work.

Suggestions from my small band of loyal readers will be most appreciated. Special hint hint to my friend in the FILM INDUSTRY. Tee hee.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

I'm not very consistent in my cleaning activities. If you came to our house you would see a nice layer of dust (or whatever damn organisms they really are) living on one of the three dressers in our bedroom. I fully embraced the philosophy that spending time with your child is more important than cleaning long before Little Miss C was even born.

But when the snow begins to melt, I get a fever. Yesterday, I took a half day off work to stay home with Little Miss C and while she was napping (a rarity these days, I might add) I took on the stove's exhaust hood.

Which had not been cleaned since we move in. Seriously. Nearly 5 years people. Yuck.

I had to go to Target (who needs a reason?) and pick up rubber gloves. Yuckity-yuck.

I have been researching using vinegar as a cleaning solution to replace the chemicals in the current products so thought I would test it out on the range.

Hmmm, me thinks that the recipes I saw online failed to take into consideration nearly 5 years of build up. Let's just say that even with a fully soaked (for multiple hours) sponge of white vinegar I had to pull out the SOS pad to even get through the first layer of crap.

(Anyone interested in coming over for dinner?)

I also attempted this recipe for the microwave. Not as much of a success as they tout on the site. However, the fully-loaded-vinegar-sponge did the trick.

I'm going to try to be more diligent on cleaning the range hood and hope to find more success with vinegar. If anyone has any other ideas, please feel free to share. I am thinking I will test out the paste version with baking soda on something this weekend.

And then summer will come and I won't clean again for several months because I will have moved onto the garden.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Bath has been a battle at our house. I am the bath-giver to Little Ms. C as nights are my thing. And I dread them. All is well up until we get to the hair washing. Who knew this activity would spark such anger and fear in my child? I'm beginning to wonder if she was a witch in her past life...

Last night, I may have found the fix. For a few weeks anyway. We're in desperate need of some new bath toys and while at our nearly daily visit to Target we picked up two Circo watering cans. The intention was for her to be able to help water the flowers in the spring and veggies in the summer, but Little Ms. C confiscated them as new bath toys in the interim. She enjoys seeing the water come through the spout and during last eve's water fun I encouraged her to use them with her bath baby Daisy.

And then I used them on her. And she laughed. And giggled as I washed the soap out of her hair. And when I asked her if she wanted me to do it again.... she said YES!!! Whoo-hoo!!! Our first tear-free, non-mommy-singing-to-distract-her bath in months. I am so relieved. I might even look forward to her next bath.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Headed out on my annual SAD vacation last week. This year my sister attended. I think it's quite funny that at the age of 37 I vacation with my family (mom, dad & sister). 20 years ago I couldn't wait to escape from the house and now I go visit my parents. Wish I could explain that to my 16 yo stepdaughter...

So what did we do? Experienced a Winter Storm Warning in GA. It's fun to be a northerner when the folks south of the Mason Dixon get snow. They are all atwitter with anticipation. The island we stay on didn't get snow, just rain, but we were close enough to hear about the .9 inches that fell in Savannah and the 3-5 that fell in Atlanta. Schools closed for the whole day, warning messages to not leave the house and drive 'unless you have absolutely no choice'. I dared my dad to take his car out and show the folks how to whip shitty's in the parking lot but he declined. (FYI, drove to work this fine morn after 3 inches of snow were scrapped off the driveway and found out that my company is apparently tired of plowing the parking lots as they didn't even show up today. Hmph. Where is my 2 hour delay? Just kidding!!)

Despite the weather (I go there to get some sorely needed vitamin D and this year it was a bit lacking), it was nice to get away. My parents rent a condo on the Atlantic ocean for a month. This year, while walking along the coast in a light drizzle we saw a dolphin. It's pretty cool. Otherwise, we chilled out, did some shopping, ate lots of seafood and read lots of books. It's a quick trip, and by the time we realized it we were back on the plane.

The plane. Oh how much I like flying (insert sarcastic snort here). Relative to last year, it was a breeze, even with all the crazy weather patterns. Last year I didn't get home until nearly 1am. This year, like every other soul flying, my sister and I attempted to not check luggage.

Really. Everyone.

What did the airlines expect folks to do when they began charging? Both there and back we ended up having to check out luggage at the door. And all we had were our roller cases and our purses. We weren't even the overstuffers. But we were flying one ticket with frequent flier miles so we were in the last class to board. We're expecting to get charged for it but we will see what happens.

I was missing Little Ms. C like crazy on the way back. Just enough time apart to make me want to run home and see her. It was super great to hear her say, "I was missing you!" when I got into the car. Makes my heart melt. We cuddled last night while watching the men's singles in luge. She was trying very hard to wrap her head around these men sliding down the hill.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Some days, most days really, I feel mediocre. I have big dreams of making an impact in this world and when I get to work, whatever work I'm in, I don't seem to have the magic to make it happen. Call it a lack of attention to detail, failure to delegate, inability to see the huge big picture and put it all together in a heartbeat, whatever... I just can't make it happen. I'm middle of the road. No superstar. Someone who people just don't think of when it comes to a new role or opportunity. I know I should be happy with where I am, I make pretty good dough, I can go home and not take my work with me, and my bosses essentially like me. But I'm not sure I'm done. I'm not sure this is where I want to cap out on my career.

I feel stuck. I feel stupid. I feel inadequate. And at the same time I feel underutilized. It's like... there is something out there I could do that would be effective, fun and motivating. But I can't find it. Or I am kidding myself that 'that' something exists. Today is a day when I feel like it doesn't. That I am just kidding myself. That I am anything but a drain on society and I'd be better of sitting in my cube and not raising my head. Because I don't really bring anything to the game anyway.

What am I good at? I have no idea. Connecting people to other people? Matchmaking in the corporate world, to some degree. I wish there was a way to make a living off connecting people. Only becuase I love learning about people and helping them find other people who can help them and grow. But alas, there isn't. So I try to put out product that inevitably gets ripped to shreads and all I am is a glorified admin for a couple of blokes who apparently think I have no effing brain.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

I've debated taking Little Ms. C somewhere warm the last two winters. My SAD gets me this time of year and I need an escape. Based on the new TSA regulations I will drive before I put her on a plane. I understand that the TSA regulations are there for our safety. Really I do. But not allowing movement for the last hour? Get real. And then I read that if you are flying out of Canada to the US you cannot bring on a carry on. Do these people want parents to fly? 'Cuz it ain't happening if I can't bring several books, a DVD player and food for my child. Kinda sad, but I'm not fighting that battle. I've been on flights with lovely children who go crazy-mad when cooped up for several hours. Hell, I can understand. I get that way myself on long flights.

So if we go anywhere, we will road trip. This is what we did when I was a kid and for the most part I enjoyed it. Not sure if my parents did, but we saw more of the country, were able to get out and stretch when we needed to and could eat and read whenever we wanted.

Looks like the oil/gas companies will be getting my $$$ over the next several years. The only flying I'm doing is if it is just me.