So You Didn’t Bring Your Own Bags!

I think it’s wonderful that someone has invented the Bag for Life. They’re stronger than carrier bags, re-usable and the store automatically replaces them when they meet their grisly end. Buy one bag and you have a bag for life – yes? No!

These bags are a great idea but what the world really needs is someone to invent a device that simply does not allow us to leave the house or car without the bloody things in our hands. Otherwise all that happens is that a person buys several Bags for Life but repeatedly leaves them at home. As for the ‘for life’ bit – have any of you ever taken a worn out bag back to a supermarket and asked for a replacement Bag for Life? No, of course you haven’t.

The thing I find so annoying about checking out at the supermarket these days is the way the cashier looks at me, sees that I have no bags and a conveyor belt full of shopping and still asks me, “Do you want some bags?” No, I’m planning on stuffing this bloody chicken down my pants and the asparagus in my socks, thanks.

Then there’s the cashier who asks, “Did you bring your own bags?” As I deliver the crushing blow that, “No, sorry I left them at home,” she looks me up and down and tuts. I suspect she couldn’t be more annoyed with me if I’d murdered her husband in cold blood or shagged him!

At this juncture can I just point out that every single carrier bag that I bring home is re-used for packed lunches, rubbish bags or the like. I very rarely put them in the ‘recycle your bags here’ box. Yes, I will admit that under my kitchen sink the cleaning products cannot be reached due to the huge number of carrier bags I’ve shoved under there. These bags are slowly squeezing the life out of everything, but I promise they’ll all get used eventually, just give me time.

To surmise – I’m sorry I have a head like a sieve. I’m sorry I frequently leave my ‘Bags for Life’ in the car or at home. But, cashiers, when making your mind up about me, please bear in mind that I’m really not on a par with your average axe murderer!