Thursday, May 5, 2011

Dogs, dogs, dogs......

I LOVE animals. Anyone that knows me at all can tell you this. I have more animals than I should, but I can’t help it…it’s a sickness. (Not really, I can and HAVE stopped, it’s just that I can’t get rid of the ones I have. I worry about what type of home they would have if they weren’t with me…would they have their own bed, would they have toys…or would they be tossed outside on a chain and ignored??)

I have several dogs, each with it’s own personality and place within the household. They get along well and I very rarely have to break up any type of physical fighting. My Jack Russell Terror, errr…Terrier, is the Queen of the Pack and she knows it, even if there are times when the others do Not know it. The other dogs indulge her in her fantasies of being a Pitt Bull and they go out of their way to encourage her to be extraordinarily brave. She eats it up! But she is NOT the topic of the day.

You see, I have this other dog…she’s a sweet dog, but….well, she’s, shall we say, socially handicapped. It’s not that she doesn’t play well with others, because she does…she even plays well with herself, it’s just that she isn’t the brightest crayon in the box. But she’s sweet! LOL

She learns tricks really easily, she can sit, sort of stay, shake, high-five, sit pretty, jump, speak and when you point at her and say BANG, she falls over dead! And you can sit a treat on her nose and she will toss it in the air, only to miss it 8 times out of 10! LOL She’s actually smart when it come to learning those time of things.

It’s the other stuff, every day stuff that she can’t seem to get a handle on. You see, this poor dog forgets to duck when she goes under the coffee table, and believe me she HAS to duck or she almost knocks herself out. She’ll come bounding through the living room, drop her head just a little bit and then “THUNK” everything sitting on the table rattles, the table moves a foot or so and the dog stops quickly, looks at you with blurry eyes then shakes her head and tries it again. Usually she “forgets” to duck the first two or three times and then she remembers. USUALLY.

She’ll go running into the kitchen and, just as she reaches the doorway, she’ll turn around really quickly, cracking her head on the door frame with a resounding BANG. Then she’ll sit down, look back at you with a look of confusion that is almost pitiable, turn back to the door frame and GROWL AT IT!! She acts as though the entire structure of the house is out to get her.

Sometimes she’ll be playing with one of the cats and the cat will go under the kitchen table. Emmy, THE DOG, with go running into the kitchen and crash into the table leg as though it had mutinously jumped out in front of her. Once again she’ll look at me with those blurry, confused eyes and turn around and growl at the table leg!!

I’ll ask her if she wants to go outside and she’ll head toward the door at a rapid gallop, usually forgetting to stop before actually slamming into the closed door!! She just shakes her head and sits down, calmly waiting for me to open the door, get her tie-out and hook it to her collar and allow her to go outside with her pride only slightly bruised.She also gets distracted really easily, so easily that if she’s eating and someone or something walks into the kitchen she will bite her own tongue and then get mad at whomever walked in to distract her.

If she’s outside and a bee flies by, she will trip over her own feet and then start barking at the bee like it planned the whole horrible situation.

She will run into the wall when she’s chasing the laser light then turn around and look at you like it’s all your fault.

Today she caught sight of herself in the mirror. I had the bedroom door open and she sauntered by the door, turned slightly and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She stopped, turned and peeked around the corner. She was so shocked that the “other dog” was peeking around the corner at her that she tinkled just a little bit, ran to her box and hid. After a few moments she poked her head out of her door, looked both ways, you know, just in the case the “other dog” was lurking around somewhere close, and then belly crawled out of the box, across the living room floor and directly to the bedroom door. And what do you think she saw? Well, of course she saw the “other dog” belly crawling toward her!! It scared her shitless!! She stood up, every hair on her body bristling and began to growl and bark at the “other dog” doing her best to frighten it away before it could harm her or anything that “belongs” to her.

She’s a loyal dog! Really she is. But the dog is brain damaged. That’s all there is to it!

For example, Emmy will chase her own tail. No big deal right, lots of dogs chase their tails. Well, do lots of other dogs chase their tail only to catch it, bite it, yelp and then begin barking at the “big mean pain inducing” tail?

Will other dogs toss their rawhide chews in the air, have it come down resoundingly on top of their head only to pick it up again and repeat the process?

Will other dogs pick up a “tugger” that has large knots on each end, shake them so hard that they crack first on one side and then on the other until they are slightly woozy from the hard knocks to the head?

Will other dogs pick up rocks and toss them into the air while standing in the exact spot to be knocked on the head by said stones?

My poor Emily Rose is brain damaged. She will forever be the dog that runs into door frames, cracks her head on coffee tables and throws things into the air only to be knocked silly by them.