Frank commentary from an unretired call girl

Favor

I’ve been seeing the same sex worker for almost three years now, and I’m in love with her. She wants us to continue as client and escort, yet she has extended me more trust than seems usual; she told me her real name, has seen me in her own house, and has stopped using protection when we’re together (her idea, not mine). To me, all this seems to suggest something beyond the client-escort relationship, but I have never seen any other sex workers beside her. I absolutely respect her decision not to pursue anything more right now, but is it foolish of me to keep hoping? She is an amazing person and very dear to me.

Before anything else, you ought to read last Thursday’s column, which covers some of the same ground; if you treasure your relationship with this lady, please refrain from indulging yourself in the urge to try to make it something “more” (which in most cases actually means “less”) than it is. The fact of the matter is that most romantic relationships are of short duration, and only survive by turning into something else. Relationships in which both people know exactly what to expect from each other, on the other hand, can go on for years. In your case, it’s pretty clear that you’re a very favored client; it’s not unusual for escorts to see clients in their homes (I do, as do several of my friends), and it’s unusual but by no means unique for favored clients to know a sex worker’s real name (a few of mine do). However, her eschewing protection with you is highly unusual, and frankly I find it rather alarming; I can’t even imagine what she might be thinking, and she’s putting at least one of you in danger (possibly both). Beside the danger of STIs (it’s obvious her preventative procedures are less than scrupulous, since she has no idea where you’re sticking your cock when you aren’t with her), there’s the very real danger of pregnancy; how are you going to feel if she tells you that she’s pregnant, doesn’t believe in abortion and you’re on the hook for 18 years or more? As I said, I can’t imagine what she’s thinking; even if she is “amazing” as you say and harbors no intentional ill-will toward you, that doesn’t mean her judgment isn’t total crap. To put it in D&D terms, a high charisma is no guarantee of a high wisdom. Just because she doesn’t mean to harm you or herself, doesn’t mean one or both of you aren’t going to get hurt. And if you plan to keep barebacking her (which you probably will because you’re male and y’all just can’t seem to grasp how dangerous an activity that is), I’d invest in a vasectomy and at least quarterly STI testing if I were you.

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5 Responses

I don’t understand the bareback obsession, either. I suspect it’s more an American thing than a male thing (or maybe it’s because I haven’t tried it yet). I would be quite alarmed if a professional suggested not using a condom, and I’d probably try to make an excuse (along the lines of “I’m afraid of going off too fast”) before flat-out refusing and leaving if she insists. I’d think her unprofessional for even suggesting it (condoms are tools of the trade, after all).

“Most romantic relationships are of short duration, and only survive by turning them into something else.”

That’s such an important point.

I’ve been paying one particular sex-worker for sex for thirteen years and (as is the case with the question-asker and his escort) our relationship seems to transcend, in many ways, the typical regular-client-and-sex-worker-relationship. While I have loving, romantic feelings for this woman, I’ve never been tempted to try to turn our relationship into a romantic one. I think our connection has lasted as long as it has precisely because it is a sex-for-money relationship and not a “free sex” romantic relationship.

Based on my experience, I would say that SOME long-term client/sex-worker relationships are more satisfying than SOME long-term romantic ones.

I would caution a client who has a wonderful relationship with a particular sex-worker against assuming that changing that relationship into a romantic one would make things even more wonderful. It might, but it might not. Wanting “more” sometimes results in getting less.

As for the condom issue, I’ve never suggested to my sex-worker that we stop using them, and I’d be disconcerted if she ever made that suggestion. That said, presumably this guy’s escort is telling him that she’s on the pill and that she’s using condoms with everyone else she’s having sex with, and maybe she’s telling the truth. And maybe he’s telling her that he’s not having sex with anyone else, and maybe he’s telling the truth. Sometimes sex-workers and clients actually are honest with each other, and sometimes trusting someone is warranted. It’s common for sexually involved people who trust each other make the decision to go bareback, and the fact that this is a sex-for-pay involvement doesn’t necessarily mean that disaster is looming.

escorts real name-learned a few. Meet in their home-has happened. BBFS-I would turn around and run fast. If she is offering unprotected sex to you, what makes you so sure you’re the only getting that service?

She feels tender enough toward you to risk/ensure-your-support-by having your child.
Have the snip or marry the wench, keeping in mind that marriage does *not* entitle you to ask her to cease plying her trade.
Listen to Maggie. Wise she is.

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