Friday, October 2, 2009

Even though I made this decision almost a year ago, I couldn't help but feel a pang of regret/sadness as I handed in my decision to NOT re-contract with JET for next year.

In spite of all my worries about being so far away during my father's health crisis and my fear that I'm hitting a plateau in terms of work motivation/initiative, I think that if I went by feelings alone right now, there would be a 50% chance that I would actually change my mind and re-contract.

Which is why I handed in my decision today.

(I wonder if I've been telling everyone--my supervisor, co-workers, teachers, students, friends, etc.--this past year that I would be leaving Japan in 2010 because I subconsciously knew that I might waver in my decision when the time came? Like I was trying to make my leaving a "fait accompli"--i.e. since I'd already told everyone I was going, I would have no choice but to follow through...)

It's a very 物の哀れ mono no aware type of feeling I have now. I am keenly aware that my remaining time in Japan is very short and I have bittersweet feelings about the upcoming departure. As much as I am looking forward to being reunited with my family, friends, and church community, I am equally sad to think about leaving my students, friends and co-workers here in Japan.

At the same time, I've known this day was coming for a while, so I feel a renewed desire to cherish and make the most of the remainder of my time here. Of course, the problem is that there is still so much that I need/want to do before I leave that I wonder how I'm going to find time for it all... (Especially with my laziness and tendency to spend hours doing nothing...)

Anyway, here's a list of local/nearby things that I'd like to attend/see before going back to Canada for good:

- 十和田駒フェスタ (Towada Koma Festa) - Towada Horse Festa: Oct 17-18, 2009 Unfortunately coinciding with the 切中祭 (Kirita School Festival). If I want to go, I'll have to skip out on the 切中祭 preparation day on the Saturday (Oct. 17)... =(

- 奥入瀬渓流紅葉 (Oirase Keiryuu Kouyou) - Oirase Gorge Autumn Foliage: Extremely difficult to catch due to the craziness of my schedule in October and the unpredictability of leaves changing colour...

- 十和田湖冬物語 (Towadako Fuyu Monogatari) - Lake Towada Winter Story: Shouldn't be hard to find a day to go, it's just that I don't like driving in general, so going through the gorge in the winter is something I've been avoiding...

-十和田市郷土館 (Towada Kyoudokan) - Towada Culture Museum: Right above the Towada Library! Just need to pick a day and get myself over there! I actually stopped by today (and checked out the library at the same time)! It's small, but I remember seeing some of the pottery pieces while they were being fitted together on the third floor of our office during my first year in Towada, so it made me feel slightly nostalgic...

-十和田市立新渡戸記念館 (Towada Nitobe Kinenkan) - Towada Nitobe Memorial Museum: I really should've gone while I was living behind the place, but even now it's still really close to my apartment! Again, just a matter of picking a day and heading over.

-十和田市称徳館 (Towada Shoutokukan) - Towada Horse Culture Museum: Not all that far away. Just need to make the time.

-七戸ＮｏｎｏＵｅ人形の館 (Shichinohe NonoUe Ningyou no Kan) - Shichinohe NonoUe Doll Museum: Not a big fan of dolls--particularly when I think about the Child's Play movies and the various Japanese manga/drama scenes with possessed dolls I've seen--but every time I see the sign for it when passing through Shichinohe I can't help but wonder what it's like inside...

...
And these are places in Japan I'd like to visit before leaving (although I plan on coming back in March 2011, so I guess I could hit the places up then with my train pass! =P)

- Osaka: I love takoyaki and okonomiyaki, so it's a must-visit place for me! I'm supposed to go with Tomabechi-sensei sometime, but it all depends on her (and my) school schedule(s), so...

- Okinawa: Unless something goes horribly wrong, I should be going with Tomabechi-sensei during spring break!! I can't wait to start planning the trip!

- Kariya City (Aichi Prefecture): It is twinned with my hometown, Mississauga, so I feel like I should visit if only so I can tell people honestly where I'm from (instead of saying Toronto) and have a chance of them actually recognizing the name! =P

- Hiroshima: For a second time!! I LOVE Hiroshima. I especially want to go back to eat okonomiyaki at Sankanou

...

As for the things I want to/need to get done for school/work...

- Graduation monkeys for the sannensei: there are 17 students this year, so I need to start working on them now or February will be hellish

- Graduation video: I don't know why I volunteered to make the sannensei's graduation video since I've never made one before in my life, but I did, and now I just hope I can do a decent job of it!

- Farewell speeches/messages: Yes, I'm thinking WAY ahead, but since I want to write meaningful messages in Japanese on my own--to friends, to schools, to the office, etc.--the earlier I start working on them, the better

- Write a year's worth of JHS English newsletters: Since one will most likely be the only one from our office re-contracting, it'd be difficult for him to have to do both the ES and JHS newsletters (and I don't really expect newbies to get used to things fast enough to be able to create newsletters right away). If I can't do a year's worth, I'd like to do at least half a year's worth... I was hoping to get one newsletter done this afternoon at the office, but I started losing focus around 2pm and wasn't able to finish it. *sigh*

So yeah, it's a little depressing to think that I only have 10 months left, and I wish I had more time here. But with my family situation and things being the way they are, the only way I could justify staying longer would be if I was planning on living (more or less permanently) in Japan. Ironically, now that my departure is set, for the first time, I can actually kind of envision making a (permanent) life here.

Consequently, I've got a bunch of "what if's" running through my head right now:

- What if I hadn't come to Japan with the idea that my time here would only be temporary... - What if I had been able to find a satisfactory Christian community nearby...- What if I had been a more disciplined, mission-minded Christian (i.e. less dependent on having a strong church community around me)...- What if I had thought about living in Japan permanently before my father's health problems came up...- What if I had worked a bit less and made more friends early on in second year...

...Might I have decided to go the full five-years with JET and gone for longer in Japan afterwards?

About Me

Canadian and former JET Programme ALT* who taught English in elementary and junior high schools in Towada from 2007-2012. A certified junior and senior high school English and history teacher in her home province in Canada. (*Japan Exchange and Teaching Programme, Assistant Language Teacher*)