25 Reasons to Celebrate December 19th

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It’s the last Wednesday before the world ends, but you should still be happy for the following reasons.

1. The world is not going to end. I bet you $40 that it won’t end. No, $50!

2. To those who are alone this Christmas, remember that your body is covered in trillions of bacteria, so you’re never truly alone.

3. A long-lost Hans Christian Andersen story has been found! Will it be as great as The Little Mermaid? Here’s the Wikipedia synopsis: “A tallow candle, whose parents are a sheep and a melting pot, becomes more and more disheartened as it cannot find a purpose in life.” Um...maybe a talking crab and a few songs about life under the ocean could liven this up.

10. Cheer up and always remember that no matter how rough things get, someone still loves you. His name is Herman and he told us not to write this but we did anyway. He’s shy and loves Nutella.

11. Are your finals finally final? If so, yay! If not, study more. If you need a dinosaur tutor, just ask.

12. It’s been said before but needs reiterating: Penguins do not live in the North Pole. They do not hang out with Santa. They do not help make toys. They live in the South Pole, and if they hang out with anyone, it’s Anti-Santa, so they’re probably evil.

13. Dating Advice of the Day: Never date someone who compliments your socks before complimenting anything else. Sock compliments are the lowest form of flattery. It’s like telling a chef that the napkins were great. This rule does not apply if your socks are very fantastic and/or in puppet-form.

14. Macaroni and cheese tastes so much better in December!

15. Kissing under the mistletoe is a silly tradition. Butt grabbing above a nickel is much more fun. (Tradition starts today!)

16. Ricky Gervais might be in the next Muppet movie! Add a Werewolf-Muppet and Batman and this will be the greatest movie of them all.

17. The song “Last Christmas” is played every year. So which Christmas does it refer to? Is the singer so unlucky in love that every Christmas he/she falls in love only to break up the next day? Maybe stop being frivolous with your heart in December? Try falling in love on St. Patrick’s Day.