Top 10 things You Won't Hear in Tonite's State of the Union Address

10. Darn it, what’s with the weather, its f…. cold these days!09. Hey, what’s the lady doin’ behind me?08. You might not like my Iraq policy, but don’t tell me you like Hillary!07. I hereby announce that Jeb has just formed a Presidential exploratory committee.06. Jenna wants a book contract, Anybody?05. Born in Hawaii to a Kenyan father and a Caucasian woman from Kansas, a man who has dedicated his life for American working families, please join me in recognizing, on my far left, America’s first black President, Barack Obama.04. I have a new Iraq policy. It is called, “No troops left behind”. I am sending all our troops to Iraq.03. Sorry folks, you are not the first ones to hear my speech. A short while back, one of my body guards uploaded a camera phone recording of my speech on Youtube.02. My fellow Americans, I screwed up in Iraq. Big time. Yes, BIG BIG time.01. Goodnight & Good Luck, God bless my Iraq policy.