I
love fairy tales. I do not love listening to people gush about
"fairy-tale love." You want fairy-tale love, people? Here
you go. Help yourselves. Watch out for the violent
transformations and the psychopathic behaviour of hedgehog people.

Recording

Lyrics

Fairy-Tale Love

I met you beside the fountainIn the woods. You were a frog. And thenYou taught me how to fillMy sieve with water. I was grateful. WhenYou trailed me home that night,I was less grateful, but was still okayTill you forced me to behead you.Anyway,The frog corpse in my bedWas probably a symbol ofOur perfect and romanticFairy-tale love.

I had these enchanted horsesThat I got pretending to be dumb;I rode them up a mountain,And you threw three apples at me. SomeMight say we didn’t knowEach other very well, but you had breasts,And I had golden armour:The prosecution rests.When I unmasked and showedMy homely face, that roomful ofGreat kings and nobles shouted,“Fairy-tale love!”

You were a hedgehog.You terrifiedYour first wife;You maimed her. She died.You threatened me.I married you too.Everyone knowsThat’s what you’re supposed to do.Doesn’t matter what I see.I’ve heard this is destiny.

I tricked a whole bunch of giantsInto dying at each other’s hands.The king then gave you to me,Plus a quite enormous stretch of lands.You tried to have me killedBecause I wasn’t good enough for you,But I was really clever,And I tricked you too.You still resent me, asYou feel you are too far aboveMy station. All will envyOur fairy-tale love.

I kidnapped you from a tower.You’re escaping from my mountain lair.I’m dressed in rotting leather.You spend all day as a talking bear.I’m longing for your shoes.I ran away because I thought you lied.I got you pregnantAfter you died.It’s satisfying thatWe’re called a great example ofA destined and idyllicFairy-tale love.