Posted on 29 April 2011

As you may have heard, because he’s said it a bunch of times, were Donald Trump to be elected President of the United States, his first order of business would be to “deal” with this China situation. Specifically, Trump has said he’d tell the Chinese that “If you don’t stop manipulating your currency, we’re going to put a 25 percent tax on your products that come into the US.” The Don has made the case that he’s uniquely qualified to run this country because unlike our pussy diplomats (who “went to school to learn how to be nice”), he’d “deliver to the message” to to China in away that would get them to take the threat seriously. Today during a town hall, Trump workshopped some lines and so far here’s what he’s got: “Listen you motherfuckers, we’re going to tax you 25 percent.”

And when it comes to gas prices, he’d take a similar tack with a simple “You’re not going to raise that fucking price.”

Posted on 27 April 2011

“I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully, getting rid of this issue,” Trump told reporters, his helicopter sitting behind him. He said he still wants to see the birth certificate, released while he was en route to New Hampshire, but now wants to talk about weightier issues such as oil prices. [ABC]

Posted on 25 April 2011

$$$ “Cohan wrote of a partner who summoned a group of i-banking greenhorns to a conference room at 5 p.m. on the Friday before Memorial Day weekend. The partner showed up at 10 p.m. and told the group that the waiting had been an exercise in patience and having ‘the right attitude.’ The three rookies who had left early — all armed with MBAs from top schools — were fired on Tuesday.” [FINS]

“Jamie Dimon had dinner last night with Francis Ford Coppola, Sophia Coppola, Mario Batalli, and Mikhail Baryshnikov at 21. Saw them while they were having cocktails, seemed like a good time, then they went down to the private dining room. Coincidentally they had to pass Donald Trump on their way down to the private room who just happened to be there eating with his family; Dimon shook his hand.”

Posted on 20 April 2011

Unlike the current administration, Busey says, Donald Trump cares about the deficit and will turn our reckless spending around. Not only did The Buse endorse The Don, but he’s announced he’ll campaign for him as well, having already come up with a acronym/slogan/Buseyism: T(aking) R(edirection), U(nderstanding) M(assive) P(ower).

Posted on 19 April 2011

As Donald Trump has stated previously, were he to run for President (and he says he doesn’t want to but might have to because “the world laughs at us and they won’t be laughing at us if I’m president”), the first issued he’d tackle is “this business” with China. The Don says he’s uniquely to do so because 1) he “buys a lot of products from China” and 2) he knows how to “knows how to say things,” unlike our diplomats. Trump has said he’d put a 25 percent tax on China’s products that come into the United States and this morning on the Today show, he laid out the vicious rhetoric he’d use to make sure everyone knew to take him seriously.

“I would tell China very nicely, ‘Fellows, you’re my friend, I like you very much — and I have made a lot of money with China.’ I would say ‘We are going to put a 25% tax on all your products coming in’ and that’s going to do a number of things. Number one, as soon as they believe it will happen they will behave so nicely because it would destroy their economy.”

As for anyone who doesn’t think Donald is deadly serious about maybe running, he’d like you to know that 1) “This is very serious- I always take things seriously but never like this” and 2) You can go fuck yourself, just like Bill Cosby.

Posted on 23 March 2011

$$$ In testimony in the Galleon insider-trading trial, Goldman Chief Executive Lloyd Blankfein said he had “awareness—I want to say, some inkling“—that the activities of the director, Rajat Gupta, were under scrutiny by prosecutors in March 2010, when Goldman announced he wouldn’t stand for re-election. Mr. Gupta stepped down as a Goldman director in May 2010. [WSJ]

Posted on 21 March 2011

As you may have heard, Donald Trump has been mulling a run for president, which he says he’ll make a final decision on by June. In the meantime, he’s been putting his credentials out there, in case anyone thinks he’s not the right guy for the job. In terms of dealing with foreign leaders and dignitaries, The Don says his experience cannot be beat (and should he turn down the president gig, feel free to offer him Secretary of State, a position for which he’s also eminently qualified). “I sell them real estate for tremendous amounts of money,” he said. “I mean, I’ve dealt with everybody.” To that end, a quick story to illustrate why you should vote Trump.

As he tells it, not too long ago, Trump brokered a deal with a guy who’s been getting a lot of press lately.

“I rented [Gadhafi] a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn’t let him use the land,” Trump boasted. “That’s what we should be doing. I don’t want to use the word ‘screwed’, but I screwed him.”

The land in question was some space in Bedford, NY, where Gadhafi wanted to pitch a tent for one night while he was in town giving a speech at the UN. Of course, at the time, Trump apparently didn’t even know Gadhafi was the guy renting the space, but those are just details and of little import. Mr. President!

Posted on 11 February 2011

Former Commodities Exchange chairman Martin Greenberg is suing former NBA star Alonzo Mourning’s charity after he won $1 million for hitting a hole-in-one at its golf tournament — then was denied the prize after it was claimed the course had been improperly shortened. Greenberg hit the hole-in-one at the Alonzo Mourning Charities tournament at Donald Trump’s National Golf Club in Briarcliff Manor, NY, last August. But the insurer backing the event refused to pay up, claiming Greenberg’s required 150-yard shot had actually traveled only 139 yards. [NYP]