Monday, September 16, 10:28 CDT

Another Shakespeare Journal

Interior of a large van; Jack, in
passenger's seat, reading Titus Andronicus;
Kenshi, driving; Flynn, leaning forward
between passenger and drivers seats, listening to the radio.

Flynn: This is just bad doctrine.

Jack(still reading TA): Flynn, you're an
atheist.

Flynn(ignoring him): "I never sinned",
look, I don't care how catchy it is, it's just not right. The whole point is
everybody sins. This is like some kind of goofy-ass works-righteousness meets
influence peddling plan of salvation for morons.

Kenshi: Oh, come on. Must be millions of people whose basic
concept of Christianity isn't any more complicated than that.

Flynn: Doesn't make 'em right. Name me one body of
serious doctrine in a Christian church that argues people are even capable of
avoiding sin.

Kenshi: I'm changing the station.

Jack(singing softly): Gonna set me up with the spirit in
the sky...

Flynn(glaring at Jack): I can't believe
you're still reading that.

Jack: I finished Atlas Shrugged, and we're
five-hundred miles from the nearest bookstore. I already read the owner's
manual. You got any better ideas?

Kenshi: 358.

Flynn and Jack(together):
What?

Kenshi: It's more like 358 to the nearest bookstore.

The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" is suddenly audible
on the radio. All stare briefly at the tuner, and conversation resumes.

Flynn: Right. So stare at the road or something. I mean,
it's got to be the worst play the man ever wrote. In fact, it might be the
worst play I've ever read.

Kenshi: You weren't in highschool one-acts, were you?

Flynn: I didn't say it was the worst play I'd ever
seen. It comes close, but that thing with everyone in OR scrubs and
the weird crucifixion scene was worse. Barely.

Kenshi: There's a difference though. At least
Titus is entertainingly bad. All those pretentious pseudo-arty
one-acts were just boring. I mean, look at...

Flynn: At what? The rape scene? That's entertaining? That
is some sick shit, is what that is.

Kenshi: You have a point there. Something about that whole
thing just felt totally... Off.

Flynn: What, something besides the only halfway innocent
major character, who happens to be one of like two significant chicks in the
whole thing, being gleefully gang-raped and brutally maimed for the sheer fun
of it, then offed by her own nutjob of an uptight father to salve his wounded
look-at-me-I'm-the-pride-of-fucking-Rome sense of honor?

Kenshi: Ok, yeah, that's bad enough. But that's not what I
mean. That shit happens. You can write a play about it and say something
honest, even if it is disturbing. Right?

Kenshi: So it's not that. It's how everyone else responds
to it. That's what was off. It's like you've got this act of unspeakable
brutality, and all anyone can do is make nice long speeches while Lavidia
stands there bleeding.

Jack: Lavinia.

Kenshi: Right. Lavinia.

Flynn: And the bastards stand around talking about how it
makes them feel. Oh, woe is me, my sorrows multiply greatly. I never really
thought about it before, but now I'm even more convinced Titus
sucks.

Kenshi: Yeah... If it wasn't for that, I'd think of it as
Shakespeare's Plan 9 from Outer Space or something and just take it at
face value. MST3K the hell out of it.

Kenshi: Ignoring the assertion that Hamlet's his
best work, I'll buy that. But anyway. Titus. That's what's wrong with
Titus. There are some things you can only respond to with...

Jack(still looking out window): Silence.

Several minutes pass. Oncoming headlights flash past, briefly illuminating
the faces in the van. Jack has clearly given up on reading,
although it's impossible to tell if this is due to the diminished light or a
growing lack of interest in the much-abused paperback, which he now tosses onto
the dash.