United offered trolley-dash through QPR dressing room in exchange for Rooney

18-07-13

QPR MANAGER Harry Redknapp has offered Manchester United a three-minute trolley-dash to take as many players as they want for Wayne Rooney.

‘It’s on, it’s massive and it’s only while stocks last’

Redknapp also signalled there could be further inducements on the deal including a gas-fired barbecue, tickets to see Diversity on tour, and a loyalty card so that every nine players bought gives a tenth player free.

Redknapp, who asked reporters to call him Crazy Harry and the club his Wacky World of Soccer Savings, said: “Clint Hill, Adel Taarabt, Yun Suk-Young, if you can get them in the trolley you’re taking them with you. And it’s a big trolley.

“We’ve got defenders, we’ve got attackers, we’ve got those blokes in the middle who honestly I can’t remember what they do, we’ve got foreign lads from every country you’ve heard of and a few you haven’t.

“Come on David, fill your trolley and fill your boots.”

Wayne Rooney responded to the offer by letting his big, soulful blue eyes slowly fill with tears before blinking and asking the cameraman if he got that or if he should go again.

The striker said: “If only people knew how sensitive I am. I mean, I’ve got a Stereophonics tattoo and I only sleep with prostitutes if Colleen’s not around or not up for it.

“By implying I am a mortal man David Moyes has insulted me, and I am angry and confused and confused and angry and hungry and aroused.”