Charlie Sheen Vs. Warner Bros: $100 Million Dollar Lawsuit Settled

Getting fired from Two and a Half Men is the best career move Charlie Sheen’s made since Platoon.

We all scoffed when Charlie sued Warner Bros. for a crazy $100 million. As it turns out, it wasn’t that crazy. The suit has now been settled out of court, and while it’s terms remain confidential, the fact that this didn’t get laughed out of court is surprising enough.

A statement from Warner Bros. read:

"Warner Bros. Television, executive producer Chuck Lorre and Charlie Sheen have resolved their dispute to the parties' mutual satisfaction. The pending lawsuit and arbitration will be dismissed as to all parties."

In the lawsuit, Sheen accused co-creator Chuck Lorre for “harassing and disparaging” him. The amount was calculated based on lost earnings for both Sheen and the Two and a Half Men crew. Is he going to sue on behalf of the crew after the show inevitably plummets with Kelso doing his thing?

When he was fired, Sheen was the highest paid actor in television at the time. He was raking in $1.2 million per episode. Not per year, per season, whatever. $1.2 million strictly for a day’s work. I don’t care how disparaging your boss is, for $1 million a day, you roll your eyes behind his back and try your best to sober up while you play a character who is based on exactly who you are.

So the details might be confidential, but rumor has it that Charlie received about $25 million.

And just when you thought Charlie Sheen couldn’t say anything crazier, he now claims he’s sober. And he’s also acting normal, which is making all of us really, really uncomfortable.

First, he apologized to the cast and crew for acting like a freak, and then during the Primetime Emmy Awards, he said:

"I want to take a moment to get something off my chest and say a few words to everybody here from 'Two and a Half Men'….”

And then there was a pregnant pause that left us all waiting for a mercury surfboard joke, or a slight at Ashton Kutcher, or some reference to how Sheen is an insane, drunk playboy.

Here’s what he said instead:

“From the bottom of my heart I wish you nothing but the best for this upcoming season. We spent eight wonderful years together ... and I know you will continue to make great television."

Come on! It was like having to sneeze and then the sneeze goes away. We were all waiting for that historic meltdown to end with a huge bang. Turns out, it’s ended with a lame whimper.