But What Do You Want to be Thanked For?

Gratitude is important. Gratitude causes us to no longer desire a different life. Instead, it invites us to make the most of the one life we already have.

It calls us to recognize and celebrate the good. And in a society that works so hard to distract us from our blessings, the importance of gratitude cannot be overstated.

This is an important week as we set aside an entire day specifically for thanksgiving. May each of us make the most of it as we celebrate our blessings and thank those who have made it possible.

But this year, I have been challenged by a new question. What if, rather than just asking, “What do I have to be thankful for?” we also began asking, “What do I want to be thanked for?”

I first heard the question posed by a good friend of mine during a conversation we were having about important life decisions. He phrased it this way, “I just keep asking, ‘At the end of my life, what do I want to be thanked for?’” He then began listing some of the things he wishes his family would be able to say to him and about him.

I immediately found his question to be highly profound and uniquely clarifying. It is worth taking the time to arrive at an answer:

At the end of your life, what do you want to be thanked for?

The question calls us to make specific decisions about legacy and values—and it challenges our assumptions that our lives will unintentionally arrive at them. It causes us to align our practice with our principles. And that is what makes it so important.

Also, since our conversation weeks ago, I have discovered the question has almost limitless potential.

What if I changed the question just slightly? What if, rather than “At the end of my life, what do I want to be thanked for?” I asked myself, “At the end of this week, what do I want to be thanked for?” Or even more specific, “By the end of the day, what do I want my co-workers/spouse/children to thank me for?”

This question could influence my life on an almost hour-by-hour basis.

For example, I have a friend who is a local highway patrolman in the Phoenix area. He once told me that his goal with every traffic stop is to receive a thank-you from the driver of the vehicle by the end of the conversation. “Look,” he said, “nobody is ever happy about being pulled over. But I’ve found that most people, if you treat them with respect and kindness, will take notice. And you’d be surprised how many end our interaction by saying, ‘Thank you officer’. That’s always my goal.”

What if that became our desire as well? What if we entered every interaction with another human being asking ourselves, “At the end of this conversation, what do I want them to thank me for?”

Almost always, I think, we would arrive at the answers of:

I want to be thanked for being loving and attentive.

I want to be thanked for being encouraging and a positive influence in their day.

I want to be thanked for making a small difference in their life.

How might those motivations go on to affect the expression on our face, the words that we choose, or the attention that we give? It would be profound.

Again, there are countless opportunities to apply this thinking. I’d like to offer one more:

At the end of Thanksgiving day, what do you want your family to thank you for?

Then, ask yourself: What atmosphere do I need to create for that happen? What conversation do I need to have? Or what good can I offer that somebody closest to me needs the most this Thanksgiving weekend? The question could prove to be impactful, regardless of your family dynamic.

This Thursday, express as much gratitude as possible. But take some time in the midst of your thanksgiving to ask yourself more than, “What do I have to be thankful for?” Ask yourself, also, “What do I want to be thanked for?”

And then, go make it a reality.

About Joshua Becker

Writer. Inspiring others to live more by owning less.WSJ Bestselling author of The More of Less.

Comments

I work with 55 seniors and 26 fellow workers of which I will make contact with this week. I have a new zip in my step as I set out to see who else comes into my week. What a great reminder to set my focus on giving to them.
I have smiles and hugs and compliments and many acts of service to give away starting today! Thank you for another awesome article. Joshua your quest is helping me!

Thank you, Joshua, for demonstrating once again how profound a simple idea can be. I am reminded of a favorite quote: “I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” ~ Rabindranath Tagore. Happy Thanksgiving.

Such wise words. This article reminds me of the day that I had to return nearly a cart full of items to Wal-Mart purchased for my daughter’s wedding – which had been called off… and I was heart-broken. Because of the quantity of returns, I apologized to the woman at the Customer Service desk. Her response was so very kind. It still makes me cry when I think about the kindness, patience, and grace that she extended that day. She made all the difference that day.

I really appreciate this view of Thanksgiving. It’s such a small change that can yield huge results. I work in a service field and this is always my goal. I was reading and thinking, yeah yeah I’ve heard this before but I won’t gain anything from this because I already do it. Then it hit me right in the middle of my forehead when you talked about what we want our families to thank us for. I tend to treat my family less than optimally because I trust them, they’re safe, etc. etc. But when I think about it, in previous years, they have probably been more stressed after interactions with me. This year, I want my family to thank me for my gentleness and my love and compassion. Thank you for this. I absolutely needed this change of thinking.

Thank you, Joshua, for the beautiful way you turned the perspective of thankfulness around to lead to action in my life – it can be passive, and you have made it active. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

My takeaway from the above article: “Then, ask yourself: What atmosphere do I need to create for that happen?” Or as Dick and Jane would say: “Stop, look, and listen!” We always have a choice to make change.

Wow, what a thought-provoking post, Joshua! It really makes a person think to put it into this perspective. I often think of how deeply I desire to hear God’s words, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant”, and as I read your post today, the thought came to me…what would I want God to be grateful I did? I guess that sounds crazy, and I know we certainly deserve no thanks from HIM for anything, because even when we have done all we are supposed to, it is just our reasonable service to Him. But, IF He were to thank us or feel grateful that we did something, what would that look like for each of us, individually? Definitely walking away from the reading of this with some needful food for thought…so, thank you, and may you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day!! :)

A great reminder I think of being conscious of the legacy we want to leave behind us.

I think living our life with the things we value at the forefront of our daily activities and our lives are so important. So easy it is to say – ‘we value family and friends.” But then when it comes to the way we live our lives our family and friends may not be getting the best of our days or lives. All too often they get whats left as we get caught up in the business of daily life, work and so forth.

I do think though, whilst it is SO very important to make sure we are actually living the life we value and outwards working those, that we remember not to be those things in the AIM of being thanked. That we live that kind, generous life and being thanked is a nice surprise, but not the reason as to why we do it in the first place.

If we live our lives waiting to be validated by others as the soul drive then its going to be an empty existence I think, dictated by those around us, rather then actively living out what is in hearts hearts and the appreciation of that simply being a symptom, if you will, of living our true lives.

You know that special person that lights up a room? I would like to be remembered for that. I would want people to say, “Yay! Judy’s here!” Rather than, “Oh no. She’s here.” lol

On a personal note—my store is open on Thanksgiving ;(

I lucked-out and don’t have to be there…but of course I work Black Friday. As a minimalist, I always come home shell-shocked. On a positive note—it re-affirms my commitment to the movement.

I had a woman yesterday going on and on—shopping the store literally for 4 hours over a coat! She complained the entire time. Then she said to me…”Well, are YOU going to buy one too? They ARE a good price!” I told her no…I have been wearing the same winter coat for a few years now and it is perfectly fine. “I have more than I need.” :) :) :)

I wanted SO bad to say, “Lady, some people don’t even HAVE a coat!!!” But it’s my job…so I have to be kind and gracious…

I loved this, raised lots of thoughts and intentions, until I got to this:

” At the end of Thanksgiving day, what do you want your family to thank you for? ”

I’m 74 and have no living family. We are a minority but there are many of us w/o family members. And ever post/message is saying Thanksgivings is all about family…bombarded by that message. I have no illusions of changing Hallmark et al, but I so expected better, more sensitivity and inclusivity from you.

This was a refreshing blog with a unique perspective on the thank you. The very first 3 sentences were so powerful for me – I sunk right into the present moment! Thank you and you inspired me to write a blog referencing yours. In gratitude, Heidi

I just would like to share another opinion about the question “What do I want to be thanked for?”. Although this is a good way to reflect your life and to rearrange your priorities to what is important and meaningful to you. But I think that we should not be attached to this question much. It’s good to figure out what you should do for a good reason. But I believe that you can act freely without the need of appreciation from other people. I witness so many people do something because they “expect” that people will thank for them or to recognize them as a special person. But the life is not always this way. How about if you do a good job but no one appreciates it?

It’s up to us for choosing the way we live. I have experienced “doing the good things and people will be thankful for my actions” and now I am living a new journey of letting go the need for recognition. It’s not what is the best way but I have more freedom and peace when I live on my current choice.