Benjamin Franklin is misquoted as saying "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." By contrast, Commander Pixman is proof that developer One Minute Games hates humanity and wishes for them to be miserable. Commander Pixman is just that difficult. This is a trial-based platformer, similar to Super Meat Boy or League of Evil on iOS. Players have to try to get to the goal, and separating them are spikes and enemies that will kill their character, Pixman Blaskowicz. He crash-landed on an alien base, and has only a jetpack and blaster to survive.

Commander Pixman is a neo-retro fan's delight. The graphics look astounding on the Retina Display, even with their simplicity. The soundtrack is inspired by classic games, but doesn't confine itself to just chiptunes. This game will last a while just because of how hard it is throughout its 65 main levels and 15 extra levels. The extra stands for "extra freaking tough." Thankfully, the game makes restarting within a fraction of a second a possibility.

The jumping mechanics take some time to get used to, as Pixman starts off jumping slowly before accelerating upward. Getting acclimated to this mechanic is key to success - and it never really quite feels right because of how different it is. The virtual controls are competent but inferior to real controls; tactility would make the game a bit easier to tolerate at times. The difficulty can become rather repetitive after a short while, especially since the game doesn't have much of a difficulty curve. It starts out being pretty hard, then starts to become absurdly difficult. The game doesn't ever feel much more difficult, just because each level is only ever mildly more difficult than the last; going back to the early levels makes them seem pithy in difficulty by comparison.

iOS gamers looking for a challenge from their games will be satisfied by Commander Pixman, as it is extremely difficult. In fact, the game teases the number of deaths that players will suffer not only through per-level and global death counts, but by showing a replay of the last 40 attempts a player has taken on a level. Most of them end up in failure. Be prepared.

iPhone Screenshots

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iPad Screenshots

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