"The Brady Bunch" had one thing right: We need an Alice!

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About 15 years ago I read a book of Tom Bodette’s short stories. The story I remember to this day was titled “Sequences.” In a nutshell, Tom wanted to go fishing. He realized his friend had borrowed his fishing rod. In order to get his rod back, he would need to return the chainsaw that he borrowed from that friend a year ago. First, he had to find it. After hours of sorting through his garage he found it, but the chain was broken. Tom had to go to the hardware store to buy a replacement chain. It was the wrong size. After another trip to the hardware store and a good deal of time repairing the chainsaw, Tom went to his friend’s house to get his fishing rod. By the time his friend found his rod, it was too late to go fishing. Maybe another day.

SEQUENCES will be the death of me.

I can’t help but think that, with an Alice, we would be living in a clean, organized home while selling my old house. I dream of how Alice would ease us all through this family-blending time of transitions…we would hold family meetings over homemade cookies and discuss our challenges calmly…no one would forget to let the dog out to potty…the children wouldn’t hide their dirty laundry under their beds…the big green trashcan would always make it to the curb in time for the garbage truck…sequences would not be able to thwart Alice.

My old house has been empty of humans for over 6 months now. We weren’t able to move all of my stuff over to our new house due to the fact that it is filled with stuff. So, in order to sell my house we have had to sort/give/sell/organize years of THINGS to make room for my kids and me. We are a good team, and we have made progress, but we still aren’t finished. My house had to get listed, so now boxes of my Gaga’s china, photos, paperwork and kid art are packed in among us. The house is now listed.

But…SEQUENCES.

There are two light fixtures in the old house’s kitchen. One of the covers cracked as I was changing the lightbulb. I took the cover to the hardware store to buy a replacement. Of course, you cannot buy a replacement cover. So, I bought two new light fixtures because they have to match, right? I also bought the required bulbs because I am on top of it. After the hubby and I get to installing these we find out in the instructions that “APPROPRIATE MOUNTING HARDWARE IS NOT INCLUDED.” Yes, this wisdom was imparted to us only after opening the can of worms. And no, the instructions did not offer any opinion on what hardware would be “appropriate.” SO. Four additional trips to a different hardware store (because, clearly, Lowe’s sucks) and tonight one out of two fixtures was successfully installed by SuperHubby.

I know in my heart that God lives within the sequences. I realize that good things happen when life is unruly. I also know without a doubt that we shall foil the sequences and find a calmer peace. For now, I will take it.