Archive for the ‘mendez’ Tag

All things must come to an end, even love. Even…moombahluv. In this chapter our heroes are confronted with a Valentine’s Day riddle: is Moombahluv possible after the death of Whitney Houston? The answer my surprise you, but one thing is for sure there’ll be a lot of crazy tunes along the way. That fucker Dj UMBS of Generation’s Bass put all of your favourites and a lot of our favourites are on this bitch. King Kong, Jon Kwest, Noms, Feral Is Kinky, Mango Troops, El Nomada, STLKRFOXXX, Saur and much, much more. Make a fucking baby to this shit. If both of you are from the same sex then pretend you are making a baby to this shit. Sky is the limit. Make as many babys as you can. Go for the record. There are two sides to this so you have the time. Still best to get started as early as possible so why don’t we stop talking and start fucking. GO GRAB THE COMP AFTER THE JUMP FUCKNUTS!

Who is this now repping Walmer? It’s motherfucking Jake Twell. Heard of him? He makes fucking great bass music in jolly old England using crumpets and driving a lorry whatever other weird words they use over there. Check out his soundcloud. Everyone should heve Walmer stickers on their computers, vaginas, asses, basically all the best places. Have Walmer stickers on their babies. It’s a no-brainer. Big things coming up too. A little bird might be telling people that we are gonna be a SXSW. Maybe a party is being organized. Maybe it will be a moombahton party. Maybe with Moomba+. Who knows? Anyway why don’t we get in the fucking mood with some fucking moombahton right now? LET’S DO THAT ASSHOLES AFTER THE JUMP!

With this new onslaught of moombah, there is no other option except to pick up the pieces, gather up your belongings and make a new fucking life for yourself on the other side of the world. The worst part is, that you could never escape the pain. Moombahton started being played in that new place that you moved to. Your friends would be like “Let’s fucking go out and get drunk and do blow and shit.” You went out and they started playing fucking moombahton at the club. Instead of doing the blow the right way you would breath it out because you were all scared and shit. Your friends got fucking pissed. They punched your face. You lost teeth. Your dental bills increased. You became homeless. That was your life. You got raped. WHY DON’T WE GO LISTEN TO A SHITLOAD OF MOOMBAHTON AFTER THE JUMP!

What if we just did a fucking moombahton mega post? Is that what you dream of other than wealth and sex? Well we can’t give you fucking money and we sure as hell ain’t gonna fuck you but we got a SHITLOAD of moombah for you! So what do you want from us? More funny shit? No. We gonna go right in like these bitches with guns probably go right in. They don’t make jokes. GO GRAB SO MUCH MOOMBAHTON AFTER THE JUMP YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!

Chris Tucker woke up in his apartment in the not great part of town. It was 1pm. That’s the time he woke up everyday. He hadn’t worked for 2 years so he never had to get up early unless it was to get his welfare cheque. Chris Tucker collected welfare now. Even though he always got more than enough sleep because of the fact that nothing was going on in his life, he still enjoyed having a cup of coffee as a pick me up to start his day. It just made it feel complete. It made him feel complete if only for a few minutes. As the coffee brewed he looked at the fading picture of him and Jackie Chan that he had stuck on his old refrigerator.

Those had been better times. He remembered all the bitches he had fucked as a tag team with Jackie. They had done it to build up their partnership so that audiences would love their chemistry. He remembered all the blow that they had done together in the trailer off of breasts in between takes. Jackie liked to do lines of blow between girl’s assholes and pussies. He called it “Getting from Point A to Point P” except when he said it it was in Chinese and shit. Chris Tucker stood there for 10 more minutes looking at the picture, revisiting all the highs and lows he had had in his former career as an actor. The coffee maker made a beep and brought Chris Tucker back to reality. He poured the warm liquid into his favourite mug and took a quick gulp. As the coffee hit his taste buds it was all wrong, it had a very sharp taste almost like vinegar but salty and it stung his tongue. He pulled the mug away from his face and looked inside and made a startling discovery. It was not coffee at all in his mug. It was pee. Chris Tucker had just drank pee. Floating in the pee were soundclouds. GO GRAB THOSE SOUNDCLOUDS AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP TO KNOW WHAT CHRIS TUCKER EXPERIENCED!:

I am Snoop fucking Dogg. I am so fucking old. I just discovered about moombahtons yesterday. My son told me about the moombahtons music. He’s 30 years old. That’s how fucking old I am. I smoke old people formula weed with viagra supplemented. I fuck these bitches and then I still got a hard on for 3 hours more. Sometimes I just get a bitch to sit on my dick for the rest of the time I have a hard on like that’s her fucking chair. That’s what I call Dogging it. Snoop Dogging it. But enough about me, what about the moombahtons. I only really like them to be honest because it make me feel relevant and like I’m still into shit that young people like. I also like the jukes music for that reason. I have to turn up the music really loud because my hearing is bad. I’m old. LET’S LISTEN TO A BUNCH OF MOOMBAHTON AND DOWNLOAD IT AFTER THE FUCKING JUMP!

Do you fucking like moombahcore? WHAT ABOUT ULTRACORE YOU FUCKS? YEAH WE FUCKING YELLING BITCHES! THAT’S HOW YOU FUCKING BLOG! YOU YELL THE WORDS! IN WRITING! THE REAL REASON THAT THIS IS CALLED ULTRACORE IS THAT IT IS MADE UP OF FUCKING MOOMBAHCORE REMIXES OF ULTRAGORE RECORDINGS TRACKS! GET IT? ULTRAGORE + MOOMBAHCORE = ULTRACORE! IT’S CALLED MATH ASSHOLES! WITH FUCKERS LIKE BARE, SLUGGO, BRO SAFARI, BORGORE AND NERD RAGE ON THAT LABEL YOU KNOW THAT SHIT IS GONNA HIT HARDER THEN YOUR ESTRANGED FATHER HIT YOU AS A CHILD! BIG UPS EL CUCO RECORDINGS FOR BRINGING MORE FIRE! BASICALLY THIS SHIT IS AMAZING SO GO FUCKING BUY IT AND SAMPLE SOME OF IT AND GET A FREE FUCKING TRACK AFTER THE JUMP!

Mission:

The Walmer Convenience Blog is not out there to promote copyright infringement and presents the music posted here in order to encourage readers to go out and purchase music from of the featured artists. We recommend http://www.apple.com/itunes/ and http://www.amazon.com/ as good places to purchase music. If you have any questions or comments please contact us: walmer.convenience @ gmail.com