What "Community Service" Will Paris Hilton Do?

Now that Paris Hilton has agreed to community service over that cocaine arrest, tell me where I can see her in an orange jumpsuit picking up trash. —Patrice, via the inbox

If you simply must see underfed narcissists in neonwear, you should know that Naomi Campbell pioneered that look in 2007. Campbell looked ferocious in her community service getup, which she donned as part of a sentence for an assault case.

Can Paris top that? No. I think not. In fact, don't be shocked if...

Miss Hilton avoids any and all tacky garb when she finally starts her community service. For it seems that Hilton will probably get a very cushy 200 hours of work.

According to judge Joe Bonaventure, who agreed to Hilton's cocaine plea deal, the celebutante can do her work with "any non-profit"—and it doesn't even have to be in Las Vegas, where Hilton was busted in the first place.

What "non-profit" might that be?

Hilton's attorney, David Chesnoff, has said Hilton will "continue the charity work" she is already doing, though it isn't clear whether he meant in addition to Hilton's community service; he didn't return a call seeking clarification. (In the recent past, Hilton has volunteered with sick kids via the Starlight Foundation and launched an initiative for the USO—you know, support the troops and all this.)

Whatever happens, don't expect Hilton to suffer overmuch.

"The chances are zero that she's going to be in a jumpsuit or even a vest," defense attorney Peter Berlin tells me. "We're talking maybe a food bank, a homeless shelter, something like that."