Author: seasonsofgrace

Sunday night at church I was just stirred by the thought of time as I heard people processing 2018 and anticipating 2019. Generally I love planning and strategizing. I am often trying to find ways to make our life and our family run better. But I just felt a breeze of caution blow through the room.

It’s all too easy to worship time. I’ve done it time and time again. Chuck often asks me “are we really in that big of a hurry.” There is the reality of parenting two toddlers and the potential of meltdowns ALL AROUND if we drift too far from their schedule.

A mentor once told me “Anna you need to see time as your servant. You are not a slave to time.” And these words echo so true this New Years Day. We’ve all had wins and losses in 2018. Technically I’ve got a enough reason to label it “hard.” Yet equally enough blessings to say it was beautiful and amazing, full of joy and full of life. In so many ways I am living in the fruit of years of prayers. I am dwelling in some not yets and a lot of trees of life.

So today I caution you not to worship time or a year, but to look up to God of all hope! He was full of hope yesterday, today, and He will be tomorrow too! And are we not the place where this God has chosen to dwell if we so desire? What does that make us? We are dwelling places of hope! This is not a hope based on our circumstances but a hope based on a goodness we can barely grasp. We will forever be learning of His shocking goodness and mercy that knows no end. I’ve walked with Him for 30 years now and here’s the thing. His timing rarely lines up with mine BUT it is always perfect and right on time.

If we spend too much time focusing on time our tender hearts fall into disappointment and lose sight of the Hope which dwells within us.

As you look forward to 2019 and reflect on 2018, don’t forgot He’s the God who created time! He is bigger than the year. His promises are yes and amen. He is faithful. You’re going to be okay. He hasn’t forgotten you. He is good.

“And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:5‬ ‭TPT‬‬

I was recently listening to a podcast about marriage and relationships and a phrase they mentioned stuck with me. They said, “a lot of young couples are living without a lot of margin in their lives.” Their point was that the lack of margin eventually causes anxiety and can break down the relationship. Yikes, that sounds scary.

I’ve been thinking about all the areas we can and need to make edits in our life. One such area is the girls toys! We’ve been super blessed and haven’t really bought the girls very much. Thank you church grandma! So their toys aren’t really a budget issue but a clutter issue. Sometimes they find a toy they haven’t seen in a while because it’s at the bottom of the big wicker toy basket and it’s like Christmas over here. I’ve pulled a purple bin in from the garage to pack away some and plan to switch them out periodically. It will be like Christmas once a month! The point is sometimes excess actually causes more stress.

We live in a culture that is all about MORE. We’ve bought the lie that there is never enough. While the Bible clearly states that “those who fear Him lack no good thing.” And I think what happens is before we know it, life has gotten cluttered and the things we thought were a blessing are actually causing stress.

Have you ever gotten that “storage is almost full” notification on your iPhone? It usually pops up right about the time that the girls do something adorable and I want to capture the moment. And you know what, for me it’s not a storage issue. It’s an editing issue. I need to EDIT and I need to DELETE. I don’t really need to save a picture of last nights dinner or this mornings latte. I don’t really need thousands of old text messages. My top storage snatcher is text messages.

I remember when I had 30 text messages a month on my phone plan. I am pretty sure now my texts exceed 30 a day, sometimes an hour now! I read an article recently about a girl who went back to a flip phone and the freedom she felt. I am not sure if I can go to this extreme because of my job and group texts, but I am without a doubt about to start editing my life. It feels both scary and liberating.

I want to live with intention and not reaction. I want to spend my days looking into my family’s eyes not scrolling through pictures of someone elses’.

I am making a list of some of my edits today, so that tomorrow is a little less cluttered. I know the areas the Holy Spirit is putting His finger on in my life and I am going to capitalize on the grace He has for me to make those cuts. We are given a limited amount of resources (time, money, energy etc) each day, so sometimes that means removing one thing so we can add another. Some practical examples for me are –

More vegetables less sugar…

More saving less spending…

More writing less scrolling…

More reading less watching tv…

I want to live with simplicity and purpose.

Are there any areas in your life that are causing anxiety that couple be remedied by some editing?

It was Mother’s Day and the “gift” was chapstick. The year before it was a pen. Let’s be honest, a pen is not the gift that every woman longs for. But chapstick, I mean most of us could use another chapstick rolling around the bottom of our purses, right?

They passed the gift down the row, and there was one extra once it got to me at the end of the row. I wasn’t a mother yet. But oh how my heart ached to be. We were walking the difficult unchartered waters of infertility. I thought perhaps that extra chapstick was some kind of sign. A sign that God saw me. And then the lady behind me loudly blurted the above statement and crashed my hopes. (Relax I know He saw me… I’ll get there.)

This morning I laid the girls down and slipped out the front door in my sweatpants. Chuck was about to get ready for work so I decided to capitalize on him still being home and sneak in a little alone time.

This morning Chuck said, “I have an Autumn hangover.” I think she’s breaking in some new teeth and has been crying “mamamamama” in a deep and loud voice in the middle of the night. Poor Charlie just rolls over and tries to get back to sleep to get in her tight 12-13 hours. She’s not quite herself these days either. The unusual nights have made way for unusual days. It makes getting up early challenging and thus starting the days already feeling behind.

Sometimes in the midst of days and nights like this the brain starts to feel like mashed potatoes and it’s easy to loose perspective of the bigger picture at play. Chuck had community night last night so I crawled into bed early and had a little quiet time before he got home. The Father faithfully reminded me of the story He is writing with our seemingly small lives.

As I sit in Starbucks and spend time in the Psalms, I am reflecting a bit on the beautiful story He has and is writing. There has been bliss, pain, and redemption. There has been mystery, confusion, and many times where I have had to tell my soul what’s true when my emotions screamed a different story.

He’s taken me to places beyond what I could ask or imagine. I’ve lived on both coasts, something this Texas girl certainly didn’t see coming. I’ve traipsed about on 5 of the 7 continents. I met a Canadian in California and married him in Texas. I’ve endured and overcome the heartache of infertility. I’ve miraculously conceived and carried twins to term after going into labor at 27 weeks. I’ve found time and time again that the things I think I am running behind on seem to happen right on time. Can you relate?

I am just somewhere in the middle of this story. There is much more to come. There is bliss and beauty and brokenness that awaits me.

And I bet you are too. I bet you are living in the mixture of fulfilled dreams and mystery.

I encourage you to grab a warm drink (is it cold where you are too?) and maybe lite a candle and reflect a bit on your story thus far. It’s easy to get caught up in the challenges of today and forget how far you’ve come and how beautiful your story truly is.

Let’s not miss the beauty of the story He’s writing in the mush and mundane of today. He’s in the business of making beautiful things and I would confidently bet He’s making beautiful things in and through you. Look how far you’ve come!

The Psalms have been a lifeline to me lately, and I stumbled across this one today.

“You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭139:5

Well I am back home now and there is laundry to be folded so I’ll leave you here with this song by Housefires that so aptly applies to our topic.

I can often fall into that trap. Sometimes the day to day fills up the time with vacuum like speed and there’s little time to check in with my soul.

I feel we are for the most part past the crazy days of having newborn twins. I remember in those days when it got really, really hard, I’d tell myself, “grace is coming.” And every time, it would. The girls would sleep an extra hour, or someone would come by and clean my kitchen, or bounce my girls so I could get away for an hour or so. One time Chuck walked in the door, and I handed him the girls, a couple ounces of milk and basically ran to the apartment gym! He said, “don’t you think they will get mad when it’s gone and they are still hungry?” I think I mumbled, “I don’t know” and
“I’ll be back in half an hour.”

Anyway, the chaos of those moments has subsided, and most days the girls nap really well at basically the same time. (PRAISE THE LORD!) A friend recently said, “I think your girls are good sleepers for you.” Yep, she’s right. That’s my dose of grace most days. But, obviously life is still busy and full.

This morning I am pondering rest and reminded of Hebrews’ take on the subject.

So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief.Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. Hebrews 3:19-4:1

Biblical rest is a state of the heart. Biblical rest isn’t about marshmallow soft pillows and hours of lounging.

God wants to give you rest today.

He wants to give you rest amidst your current chaos. He wants to give you rest in the midst of your unknowns. His rest isn’t dependent on 8 hours of sleep. His rest is based on believing His goodness is bigger than any challenges you are currently facing. He is good. He is working all things together for your good. He is fighting for you. You can BE STILL and KNOW THAT HE IS GOD today in this very moment.

But I have calmed and quieted myself,I am like a weaned child with its mother;like a weaned child I am content.

Psalm 131:2

I am praying for you today. May your sweet heart be filled with rest today. May He calm the storms that rage against your soul.

I’ll leave you with Psalm 23:2 from the Passion Translation –

He provides a resting place for me in His luxury-love. His tracks take me to the quiet brooks of bliss, the oasis of peace. That’s where He restores and revives my life.

May you find His Presence today. He is there. He is here. He is in the midst of our mess and our lives. He is near and He longs to hold you and carry you throughout this day.

I wouldn’t say the new year has had the best start for me. For the first 8 days, I was fighting a sinus infection. We came home from Christmas with colds, the girls and Chuck shook them off pretty quick, but my sinus infection was a bit more stubborn.

This led to a lot of nights with less than ideal sleep. This is not a good for me. I know some people can survive on slivers of sleep, but none of those people live in my house.

I sat down so weary and cranky last night and decided to journal a bit before bed. And to my shock, the Lord started to speak to me about a clean house. He told me that I need to rest more and that a clean house doesn’t represent a happy healthy home. And He brought up the word He’s been bringing up for over a decade – abide.

I come from a family of get it doners. And I really love feeling like my life is ordered and organized (and okay maybe in control). If you want to get cured from that disease, I highly recommend having twins. Because control is no longer an option. It’s been 11 months of letting go… Well really 13 months, because bed rest really limits the ability to keep the house clean and organized. If the house keeper missed a spot vacuuming, I would stare at it day after day until she came the next week. A trip to the bathroom caused contractions, therefore vacuuming would have sent me straight to L&D.

The Lord has been teaching me once again about abiding. It doesn’t mean I don’t clean or cook or do my chores, it means I include Him in every aspect of my life. It doesn’t mean a clean house isn’t nice or even important, it means a clean house is not in anyway a sign of success.

Success looks like abiding.

Success looks like really connecting with my babies.

Success looks like being nice to my husband.

Success looks like a house that’s a refuge from this world.

Success is a house filled to the brim with joy and peace.

I often want a black and white rule book for life. I want it cut and dry, no mystery or challenges. But the problem with that is it cuts Him out of the equation. Abiding in His rest isn’t about everything being perfect, it’s about allowing the Prince of Peace into every mess.

Life is messy and unclear and that’s why we need Him. If it’s too cut and dry, I often begin to function on my own strength. And when I do that, without fail, I end up utterly exhausted because I wasn’t designed to do this life on my own.

I just googled the loneliest city in America, because I recall hearing it was New York and discovered that you can rent a cuddle in Tokyo. What?! I’ll admit my source was google, but has our modern world really come to this desperate place? Renting a cuddle people, how sad is that?

In some ways, I find it surprising and in others, not at all. Most of us live with so much fake connection. We spend more time scrolling than looking into the eyes of those we encounter. It’s a quick hit that doesn’t require giving of ourselves at all.

Real people have real needs.

And sometimes we are just so tired from all the scrolling that we don’t have time to consider meeting those needs.

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2

Real people require things like humility, gentleness, and patience.

And sometimes we are just so tired from all the scrolling that we don’t have the energy to be humble, gentle, or patient.

The result is a very lonely generation. We’ve bought the lie that it’s better to receive than to give and created a vacuum of unmet needs.

I heard an older lady talk about what her days where like as a young mom. She said they often went to each others houses and ironed while the kids played. Y’all I don’t even iron my own clothes (or my sweet husbands) let alone my friends! But it was such a picture to me of community and living life WITH people.

Honestly, I’ve had some really good examples of living in community. I spent 9 weeks on bed rest with the twins and I had community bring us meals. Friends brought over a months worth of diapers (for two babies!). Friends brought me coffee, watched shows with me, switched over laundry, and even cleaned our apartment. Not gonna lie, it was way harder for me to be on that side of community. I’ve spent years helping and working for families and having someone clean our toilets, do our dishes, or make our bed felt super vulnerable at times. I think the Lord was preparing me to be able to receive help, because with twins sometimes you can’t survive without it!

Real community requires vulnerability. Often vulnerability is the thing we fear the most. The thing about the online world is that we can choose what to share! No one has to see our dirty laundry, messy bed, food caked dishes, or the state of our toilets. We don’t have to let them into our world. We just crack the door and show the world our best sliver.

But if that’s all we do, deep down there’s an emptiness. Deep inside there is a longing to be really known. Beyond the fear, there’s an innate desire to throw open the door and welcome someone in despite the laundry baskets that need to be folded.

Y’all cuddles should never have to be rented!

The world around us is LOUD. So many voices. So many opinions. So much hiding behind screens while inwardly dying to be known.

So today put down the phone. Look into your loved ones eyes. Memorize the moments that really matter. Because today holds tomorrows “remember whens”. Someday you will refer to today as “the good ole days”.

If you are feeling lonely, may I suggest you find a way to meet anothers needs. Take a new mom a meal. Give a mom a break and get some free cuddles. Ask your spouse questions like you would have when you were dating. Make a meal to savor tonight with friends or family. Take a friend to coffee and pursue their heart.