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A blog for poetry, prose, and pop culture.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Introspection

Hey all,

Well... I failed. I really tried to keep the posts going but I honestly had such an awful couple of days that I lost motivation to do pretty much everything. A combination of work, personal, and auto troubles really just bummed me the fuck out. A very heavy set of apathy just set in and even looking at the keyboard filled me with dread and loathing. I'm pretty sure that there is a poem in here somewhere now, dying to express the anger and resentment that I have been feeling the past few days, but I don't think I'm ready to mine that particular gemstone just yet.

I finally started to shake the doldrums of my apathy last night when I was hanging out with my friend Jason. We headed out to Mesa to check out The Pixies in concert (which I will cover in a column later this week) and it finally got me to a level where at least I didn't quite feel so angry, or bad about myself. I don't know, it just feels like more and more these past few weeks I feel really isolated and alone, as more people around me fulfill different parts of their lives, personally, professionally, I feel like I am failing at my own. I know a lot of my problems are ones I have created for myself, yet sometimes it feels like even though I am the key to solving the problems, I can't find the lock the key fits in.

If I really turn the magnifying glass on myself, I know what the real problem is. It's the isolation. I feel absolutely surrounded by people everyday, and not one of them has a damn idea. That no one really knows me. I feel like my brother has this whole other life that I only get to look in on, that the girl I like has no feeling for me. That my best friend is a world away. Maybe I am over analyzing my life, I don't know. I'm certainly over exaggerating it at least.

Everyday ends with the setting sun, and the only illumination is darkness.