Sunday, January 31, 2016

In our top story, YouTube talentless assholes celebrities "The Fine Bros" have gained the ire of the Internet for attempting to copyright any kind of "reaction" video. "It's all about community" they said, while punching a baby square in the jaw.

In a related story, The Fine Bros announced a lawsuit attempting to collect a sum of fifty million US dollars from the estate of the late Sir Isaac Newton for his third law, which states "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." This will be the first time, if successful, anyone has won a lawsuit against physics. "It's all about community" said The Fine Bros, while kicking a puppy.

In a poll, most voters agreed that Donald Trump won the last Republican debate, in which he didn't attend. In other news, I won the Olympics. All of them. I'm also Miss America BECAUSE FUCK YOU I'M BEAUTIFUL!

Donald Trump lashed out at his Republican rival Ted Cruz for insinuating that he supports universal healthcare. "A vote for Donald Trump is a vote for Obamacare" said Ted Cruz. "Ted Cruz is a butt and has a butt for a face" Donald Trump said in a press release.

This just in, The Fine Bros have announced that being "triggered" is a form of reaction and that they have plans to sue tumblr for eleventy-billion dollars.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

I've not done a tremendous amount with my YouTube channel, although I plan to in the future. Most of it has been gaming stuff, although there have been a few how-to videos. I think they're actually semi-useful so I'm going to post the three I've done so far right here. Check 'em out.

How To make a gnat trap.

How To prevent cats from chewing your wires.

How To cut zip ties with cat clippers.

Find anything useful? Head over to my YouTube channel and subscribe. I have some other stuff there, and there's a small chance you might like some of it. If you have any suggestions for anything else I might make a video of, let me know in the comments section.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Welcome to the Real Fake News. We'll start with a letter from the editor:

"If you're reading this, I've been locked in a warehouse and am being forced to help edit shitty fake news stories. Please tell my wife, Samantha, that she was always a bitch."

Real funny, Tom. Now, for our stories...

Gas prices continue to plummet forcing oil rich nations to get creative. They're now offering a buy one get one free barrel deal along with a toy. The king of Saudi Arabia was quoted to say "We have Mario Karts, all. Peach kart, Luigi Kart, all."

A vicious snow storm continues to wrack the east coast. Donald Trump promised to "deport all snow back to Hoth" if elected president.

A 7.1 magnitude earthquake struck near Anchorage Alaska early Sunday morning. A massive amount of snow was ejected into the air and is expected to land on all the other snow on the east coast.

Four of Twitter's top executives recently left the company. They were in charge of the company's current money making strategy. They announced a new plan to "Sell snow cones on the east coast. It's a brilliant idea, they'll love it!"

Local fake news man gets reprimand over terrible running gag about snow on the east coast. Wait a second, GOD DAMNIT TOM! I'M DONE. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Recently, the Democratic party held its final debate. Miraculously, Bernie Sanders survived until the end in what experts suspect is black magic. O'Malley was given a total of 30 seconds to speak, setting a new record for him in debates. It's estimated that as many as a dozen people now know where he stands on the issues.

A bill banning child marriage was struck down in Pakistan. It was deemed "un-Islamic" as was the previous anti-goat marriage bill. Law makers cited Sharia law and stated that they should be able to marry kids of either species.

In the world of finance, Twitter is almost out of finance. "Our finance is almost gone." the CEO of Twitter as its' stock fell another 50 points. "What we need," he said "is a lot more. Finance."

The US government announced a plan to attach the world's largest drill bit to the remaining Twitter stock in hopes of drilling deeper than anyone ever has into the earth's crust. "We hope to discover crab people." Obama said. Trump put out a press release in response promising to "deport any discovered crab-like people back to Mexico." if elected.

That's all for this edition of The Real Fake News. Have a good week everybody.

Monday, January 11, 2016

Welcome to another edition of The Real Fake News with DavidGX. Today is Monday, January 11th 2016.

Our top story, the ForeverSpin was found to not, in fact, spin forever. Although it looks pretty damn cool.

In the world of Video Games, Bowser issued a statement saying that the massive influx of Italians into the Koopa Kingdom has has less than desirable results. Italians, not understanding the cultural values and laws of Koopa Kingdom have taken to kidnapping princesses from castles. Goomba squads have been dispatched to subdue the attackers but are not having much success so far.

From the Internet, people have issued a petition to Barack Obama requesting that Nero be verified on Twitter. Apparently this is a thing that he needs to look at. In related news, I've sent pictures of my dog to NASA with a note attached, asking them to verify that she's a good girl.

In politics, Sean Wever of BroTeamPill announced today that he'll be running for president of the United States. He promised to "make America not too bad again." When informed that only natural born citizens can be president in the USA, he responded "gay?" and went to play video games.

In Fashion news, L'Oreal today announced a line of beard shampoos targeted at male feminists. It promises to add volume, bounce and reduce split ends. The slogan "Maybe he's born with it? Maybe it's male privilege." was seen in the first TV ad.

And finally, in celebrity news, sadly David Bowie has passed away after recently launching his latest album. In related news, the latest Tupac album is about to drop, with one of the songs dedicated to the passing of David Bowie. No one knows how.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

This year has some good stuff, unfortunately I'm not very good at waiting. Here's a list of 5 things I'm hyped for in 2016.

1. Nintendo NX Reveal

Nintendo has said on at least a couple of occasions that we'll be hearing about the NX this year. That means, most likely, at E3 2016 in June. While the Wii U has a library of excellent exclusives, it hasn't exactly been a smash hit. It's BECAUSE of the overall failure of the Wii U that I'm even more excited for the NX, however. I think the lessons they've learned will make their future endeavors even better. Let's hope they've learned those lessons.

2. New AMD Hardware

I used mostly AMD hardware until the launch of the "Bulldozer" FX 8150 CPU. That CPU, as you might know, was fairly garbage compared to whatever Intel was offering at the time. I overclocked the hell out of mine but the performance just wasn't there. When I got my Intel Core I7 3770k, it was around 30% at stock than my 8150 was overclocked. Pathetic. I'm still using AMD graphics cards, two 7970s in Crossfire, but those are due for an upgrade. Considering Intel's "we're going to give money to liars and scam artists" policy as of late (at least partially funding Feminist Frequency) I'm ready to be done with Intel and go back to AMD.

Sometime this year, AMD is supposed to launch new graphics cards and CPUs that are actually good. I plan on upgrading and getting something like 32GB or more of DDR4 to go with it. Should be nice.

3. Zelda Wii U

A brand new Zelda game for Wii U is supposed to launch sometime this year and I hyped as fuck. I'm a huge Zelda fan and the new one is looking amazing so far. I hope we see a lot more of this one very soon.

4. Shantae 1/2 Genie Hero

I'm a huge fan of the Shantae series so of course I'm excited for Shantae 1/2 Genie Hero. I got in on the Kickstarter for it and thus already have my copy (PC version) paid for. Supposedly launching sometime this year.

5. Yooka-Laylee

Most people didn't seem to enjoy Banjo Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts nearly as much as I did. I loved that game, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to a spiritual successor to Banjo Kazooie that's in the original style. Yooka-Laylee looks and sounds amazing so far. It's being handled by some of the original people from Rare who worked on Banjo Kazooie so I have high hopes for this game.

That's my list. What are you looking forward to in 2016? Let me know in the comments section below.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Feminist and alleged game developer Brianna Wu put out an "open letter to Gamergate" today asking to be left alone. She then went to a GamerGate meet up wearing her "I HATE GAMERGATE" t-shirt and read this letter aloud while punching a Vivian James cosplayer in the face.

Politics

In an interview with Fox News Donald Trump said the N word twice. He's now polling 2 points higher. Bernie Sanders went on CNN to remind everyone that he's still alive.

Opinion

Cats are pretty cool. Cheese is delicious. "Ohio" is a weird name for a state. Who came up with that?

Osama Bin Laden was spotted today, apparently having risen from the dead... wait, no, sorry. I'm being told this is footage from another unreleased Tarantino film.

Technology

Scientists in London today announced that they've figured out how to get the spray cheese back in the can. Their method involves the LHC (Large Hadron Collider) and has been deemed "impractical, dangerous and just plain silly" by experts.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Now that it's CURRENT YEAR 2016, I thought I would talk briefly about my choice for favorite game of 2015. If you had asked me a week ago what my GOTY for 2015 was, I'd have told you it was Bloodborne. That would have been 100% true. I just completed the game for the second time. It's not true anymore.

Undertale is a game that lots of people like to discuss to the point of obsession. It seems like one of those quirky, overhyped games that doesn't turn out to be nearly as impressive as you've heard from the rabid fan base. It's not technically impressive, it's not even artistically great. Of course, art is subjective but that's just my opinion. It doesn't have online play or a 80+ hour run time or a budget of 100 buttzillion dollars. After having played through the game twice, I think the praise is well earned.

What Undertale does have is great characters and a hell of a lot of heart. I'm not usually the kind of person to care about that kind of thing. I like Bloodborne. I like Fallout 4. I like Cities Skylines. I don't usually play games for "feels" but I definitely got it from Undertale. I'm sitting here at almost 2 am with dried tears on my face. I just finished Undertale for the second time in order to get the true pacifist ending. After this I had originally planned on going through the game again to do a "genocide run" where you kill everyone. I definitely won't be doing that anymore. I can't.

I genuinely care about Undertale. I care about the characters and am happy to have had the opportunity to play through such a charming, unique game that gave me feelings that video games rarely are able to do. I'll never forget Undertale and I hope you decide give it a chance. I think you might love it as much as I do.