Comments on: Pleasing Someone Else or Pleasing Yourselfhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/
Financial talk for the rest of usTue, 14 Oct 2014 16:18:02 +0000hourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0By: Melodyhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-939121
Thu, 17 Feb 2011 20:04:17 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-939121I am a proud mom of a social worker working with mentally ill people. It is often a heartbreaking job and she doesn’t make much money. But she loves it and I would never tell her to do anything else just to make more money. As long as she is happy with her choice and can support herself doing that, then, that is her decision. I would rather have her happy with less money than making a million dollars but so stressed and miserable that she has health problems or dies before me because of it. What good is money if you kill yourself doing something that you hate for years? Julie’s parents really need to back off and realize what a treasure they have. Many parents aren’t so lucky!
]]>By: Gailhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938762
Mon, 14 Feb 2011 16:50:29 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938762As long as Julie is self-supporting, she should be allowed to follow her dreams. But if she is still at home, living off her parents, then she should do as her parents say or get out.
]]>By: Kaihttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938485
Fri, 11 Feb 2011 23:27:14 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938485You say it will never make you rich. That’s probably true. but does it make you enough to support yourself? IF you can live independently from your parents, support whatever you choose to do, and are enjoying the work, then don’t let anyone else tell you it’s not good enough.
If you live with your parents or get monetary assistance from them, or have no money to be able to save for the future or insure yourself against possible issues, then you are probably right about it not being enough, and you will need another job – and possibly a degree to enable it.
But you don’t need to make 80 thousand a year to live. ‘A living’ is defined as whatever you want your life to be. So if you can make enough at the work you do to live a life with which you are satisfied, then let it be, and if your parents tell you it’s not good enough, they haven’t the ground to stand on.
For parents nagging without justification, I suggest simply refusing to engage. Answer “I make enough to live in a way that doesn’t depend on anyone else, and provides for the life I’m happy to live”. If they insist on berating your choices, tell them you’re not interested in hearing it. If they continue, leave. Eventually they’ll get the point that if they want a relationship with you, they’ll have to accept you as you are. Or they won’t have a relationship with you.
Some parents never learn, and it’s unfortunate. But you don’t have to take it.
]]>By: Mayahttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938457
Fri, 11 Feb 2011 20:01:30 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938457Julie,

I’m so sorry that you’re parents are treating you this way. Even if they are lending you money, it does not buy them the right to disrespect their own daughter.

I agree with most of the previous comments that you should actively pursue graphic design since you seem to have such passion for it. I know it’s so much easier to say than do, but you can NOT sacrifice your desire to create just to please your parents.

Sometimes we make a decision out of fear of making someone angry. However, it’s that same fear that clouds our judgement and usually causes us to make at least another big mistake. And it results in the other person still being unhappy with you and you feeling even worse than before.

This result happened to me when I also placed my family members’ opinions over my own values.

The lesson I learned is that if you have to suffer from someone’s disapproval, it’s better to suffer while being true to yourself rather than suffer while living a lie.

And to Jon, perhaps you should take your own advice.

Because a true, mature grown-up knows that no two persons are exactly alike. Therefore, we all have to try different things and make different choices (and even mistakes) while learning what works best for each of us.

I’m praying for you Julie. Good luck!

]]>By: Billhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938382
Fri, 11 Feb 2011 03:48:37 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938382I’m a computer programmer and I have worked with graphic designers who make a living wage for 15 years. I have worked with extremely talented people and most do art also as a hobby, I have never met a artistic person who’s hobby art even remotely resembled their work for pay.
]]>By: tall billhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938374
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 23:22:12 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938374Go with your heart & learn all you can & the paycheck will follow. Good Luck.
]]>By: Katiehttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938371
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 22:44:00 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938371Hi Julie,
I went to school for graphic design, and one of my favorite teachers told us that you don’t start out making much money as a graphic designer, but if you’re good, you can double your salary in 5 years. Even though I switched to web design after graduation, my teacher was absolutely right. 5 years later, I am making almost double what I made in my first job out of school. And if you’re a talented painter, I think that shows that you ARE a good designer and you have a lot of potential to make great money with that career choice. Illustrators make WAY more many than graphic or web designers do! Keep at it and good luck!
]]>By: jimhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938348
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 19:39:18 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938348You’re doing what you like and making a living at it. If your parents can’t be happy that you’re happy then that is their problem.

I’m assuming Julie is paying her own bills. If she is getting financial help from the parents then thats a different situation really. Julie is employed and has a side job, so I assume thats paying her way. Her parents say she should be ‘earning a living’ but I think thats likely just their dismissive attitude towards her job like saying its ‘not a real job’.

]]>By: Squirrelershttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938340
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 17:51:54 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938340For each of us, our life is our OWN. It’s not good to live to make others happy, or to live up to others’ expectations. To that end, do what it is you want to do.

I do think that focusing on what you truly enjoy is a solid approach to take. It also needs to be balanced with your practical day-to-day needs of paying bills as well as saving for the future. So I see a balance here in this specfic case. But the overriding theme to me is that one should do what he or she wants to without living based on others’ expectations.

It really depends on where you live and what industry you work in, or if you work for yourself. For example, in my area designers who work for tech companies generally get paid more than ones who in manufacturing or publishing. As with any job, demand is higher in certain places than others. To say graphic designers in one’s area don’t do well doesn’t mean the situation is universal.

]]>By: Earth MaMa Johttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938333
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 16:44:28 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938333I agree with Trent’s advice. Do what makes YOU happy. You are 26 and entitled to live your own life, and live it the way you want.

I wish someone had pounded that into my head when I was younger. I’ve been independent since I turned 18, but that didn’t stop my parent’s interference with MY life until it came to a head when I was 33. I am estranged from them now, and my life is actually much better. Sure, I miss having parents, but the stress of trying to live up to their demands became too much when I realized that I would have to put THEIR needs and wants above my own, my husband’s, and my children’s. Mind you, I’ve never asked for a dime from them or lived in their home since I turned 18. At 33, I was finally free to pursue career and personal interests that they “disapproved of” vehemently. I can’t even imagine how my life would be now if I’d continued to let them control it – which is what they were doing, but I didn’t really know it because my whole life had been that way.

But, I also agree with the overall sense of others when they ask if Julie has a life independent of her parents – it’s a key component here.

]]>By: Peterhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938313
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 15:05:37 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938313I speak with a little experience on this since I found myself in Julies ‘exact’ position, and oddly enough with exactly the same career. Julie, this is one of the toughest life choices you will ever make, there is no right or wrong answer either!

On the one hand lets not kid ourselves, we work to eat first, and enjoyment of ones work is important but nevertheless a blessing not everyone can have. But Julie you have both, if money is really an issue, you can do many things to supplement your steady income, especially in your line of work, freelancing for example can be lucrative.

Also consider the following:
1. Studying will require further sacrifices, and income loss, so if you went this route would you be able to recoup that money? And be better off for it in future?

2. If you choose to study something else, will you attain the job satisfaction you have now?

3. Do you have other goals that will be affected? getting married and having kids for instance? how will these goals be impacted?

The one major difference btw my situation and Julies is that I could only get an internship in my field, and never managed to find a decent paying position, so I chose to study again, I then spent the next 7 years studying whilst working, so I did get a decent paying job in the end, but it came at quite a cost.

Comparing you with a sibling is not fair on you, as we are all unique, with our own personality and talents… I know of two sisters, the one with a PHD (worked her butt off since forever) the other does nails (took a short course), and the sister who does nails is the more successful, (financially, family wise and socially). Nothing is fixed in stone, you also won’t find a silver-bullet solution to your situation, the big secret is simply finding the right balance in your life.

]]>By: Jonhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938309
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 14:34:43 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938309Julie, it’s probably time to be an adult and get a real job. Do the design and art on the side if you love it. I know several people with graphic arts/design degrees who can’t find any work in that field.

To the lady who had to run off to Europe to find herself and escape the pressure.. GROW UP!!

]]>By: Carolehttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938303
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 14:20:45 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938303Sorry my previous post doesn’t make sense after rereading the post. I was thinking there were several questions.
]]>By: Carolehttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938301
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 14:18:14 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938301There were other questions besides Julie’s. Doesn’t anyone have any thoughts on them? It’s just an observation. I don’t have anything to add either.
]]>By: Kevinhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938299
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 14:07:47 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938299Maybe I’m just cynical, but whenever I see someone advise others to just “do what you love” and not worry about the money, I can’t help but wonder if they’d still espouse such a philosophy if what the person “loved” was sitting on the couch, collecting unemployment insurance, playing video games.

Bills? Maybe he’s living with his girlfriend, and she takes care of the bills. Retirement? Psssh… that’s not for like, 30 years. Things will work out. After all, everyone keeps telling him to “do what he loves,” and he’ll have a happy, fulfilling life, so I’m sure he’s not too worried about retirement. He’ll find a way to make it work.

]]>By: Katiahttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938298
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 13:49:05 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938298Really makes me appreciate my parents! I am one of 5 children and while we all make different amounts of money, we are all happy. Why? Because our advice was ‘find something you love to do, then find a way to get paid to do it.’

I have a degree in elementary education/teaching the hearing impaired. I did teach nine years, but ‘retired’ to raise my children. My husband’s brother kept after me to get a ‘factory job’ because I could earn more money than I did teaching. But I am totally satisfied with how things turned out. Now that my children are older, I am secretary at my church, not earning what I could if I went back into teaching or even substituting, but I am enjoying what I am doing.

One only needs to look at celebrities to see that money can’t buy happiness. It’s personal fulfillment that matters most, whether you make big bucks or not. If you are happy doing what you are doing; and you are making ends meet; then stick with what you are doing. Trying to please others will only end with you being unhappy.

Best wishes to you, Julie!

]]>By: getagriphttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938296
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 13:41:07 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938296Parents do push, often even if you are doing better than okay. They interfere even when you’ve tried to make other arrangements. I’ve caught grief about where I moved to, the kind of house I bought, when I had children, how I raise them, etc. My favorite response is when my mother asked me “Why don’t you ever take my advice?” and I simply said, “You don’t give advice, you dictate orders.” She has never learned, never changed, at best she now bites her tongue more often.

However I do understand her, more so now as my children are gaining independance than ever. A parent has a broader sense of experience than their child in most cases simply by having lived longer. You see your child heading for the bad relationship. You see them heading for the dead end career of subsitance living. You see the manipulation others use on them and how they are making choices that will lead to a lot of pain. You see these future happenings because you’ve seen them before, often many times, played out among relatives, friends, children of friends, and in your own life. So I understand where the drive to “fix”, even if well intentioned, can come from.

So my advice to Julie does mirror much of what others have said with the caveat that she isn’t likely to change her parents comments, only modify them a bit. But if you understand where it comes from, you can alter your response some and hopefully take some of the sting out. If you are getting economic support from you parents, I’d recommend keep working to get off it so they can’t hold that over you as proof you need to do something else. If you aren’t then maybe you can smile, change the conversation or flat out let them know you heard them, that you’ve heard them the last twenty times, that you love them but this is what you’re doing and you’re doing fine, then change the subject.

If you want to go for the more exasperated response or are willing to have some fun at their expense to put home the point, you could pull out a little notebook, make a check and then say something like, “wow, new record, only took you thirty seconds into our chat before you told me I’m worth less to you than my brother and I’m a loser for not working at a job that would likely make me blow my brains out after six months of being shackled to it. So how about this weather?”

But we both know they won’t get that, yet sometimes you have to imagine having a bit of fun so it isn’t such a stressor when the situation does arise again.

It seems you’ve made the mistake of misreading my comments twice. I never suggested Julie should change her career to please someone else.

]]>By: Victoriahttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/pleasing-someone-else-or-pleasing-yourself/#comment-938291
Thu, 10 Feb 2011 12:36:49 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=6642#comment-938291I just wanted to offer Julie a little bit of advice a friend gave to me. I have a very solid relationship with my parents, but sometimes do get nagged about my choices and whether I am doing the right thing, etc. Part of this is because I have a good relationship and tend to tell my parents things that others might not share with their parents — including the times I feel more negative. But the thing is, parents tend to latch on to that because they worry naturally, and if there’s also the successful other sibling in the picture, they have an obvious point of comparison to make. The advice my friend gave was to consciously ONLY mention the good things when speaking to your parents. Don’t complain, even jokingly. Simply say: “It’s so exciting, I’m doing X job,” or “This is going so well,” or “I have a great opportunity coming up” etc. If they bring up the negatives, counteract with positives. Show them that you ARE happy and they will hopefully come to accept that.
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