BREAKING: People who only visit Benidorm f*ck up middle class travel plans

People who only ever go on holiday to Benidorm have made it harder for you to go there, even though you’d rather kill yourself, it has emerged.

The love for all day breakfasts with chips served by Spanish English pubs, has won out in a vote to remain or leave the European Union. The “no foreign muck” campaign declared a marginal vote which has frightened half the country.

Non-racist British people now must negotiate with their families to travel to Benidorm or stay confined to their homes.

Student, Nathan Dobson, who voted to remain and maybe have the opportunity to work in Europe one day, exclaimed: “Hang on, Benidorm’s an actual place? I thought it was a TV show set in a dystopian future of travelling council estate pub? I mean that’s the whole premise, right? That it’d never, ever exist?”

“Oh my God, what have we done?!”

Brexiteer, Wayne Punter, lamented the victory’s loss on everyone else, commenting: “We’ve had too many foreigners here. It’s not right. If going abroad costs a bit more, then what’s the harm in that? You stick to yours and we’ll stick to ours.”

“Besides, what’s wrong with Beindorm? It’s just like here but you know, hot and that? I think the vote is good thing because you don’t see many University types there, so they probably won’t want to go.”

“Why would you want to visit the Amalfi coast anyway, with wines you’ve never seen in Spar and their not-Carling lager? Even the wafer thin ham is different there, although I’ve heard they even call that something foreign.”