You are defined by your thoughts. Your thoughts in turn are influenced by your attitude. Each of us has a different set of upbringing, education and experiences. The environment in which we grew up could have instilled in us the values we hold dear, the fears and hopes we carry within and helps us visualize opportunities and widens our horizons. All these factors contribute to the type of attitude we embrace which in turn fortifies us to meet the challenges of life and grasp the opportunities that come our way. We can take credit for the successes we attain and by the same yardstick take responsibility for not realizing our full potential. Far too often, we limit ourselves because we limit our thinking. Either we fear the worst or we doubt our own abilities.

To explore our potential and to leverage it one needs to focus on the following:

Clean up the cobwebs in the mind – Our mind is cluttered with thoughts that largely center around self preservation, safety, risk avoidance and following the set path. Occasionally we indulge in the luxury of visualizing something different, more outlandish, something that seems to be closer to our heart. Those who dare to explore that whole heartedly often do succeed because they have clarity and focus on what to do rather than what to avoid. Do not let the mind be filled with confusion, anxiety and be overwhelmed. Instead separate and segregate our numerous thoughts and arrange them in an orderly manner so that one begins to get clarity.

Rearrange the muddled up plans in the mind – Many of us suffer from wanting to do too many things. As a result we set ourselves multiple goals but lack the personal bandwidth to manage all the goals. We need to prioritize our goals and map out the specific action to be taken for each goal. This will help one focus better and avoid negative inputs like fear, depression and worry sabotaging our efforts.

Stop thinking and begin to act on our thoughts – Perhaps the one thing almost all of us are guilty of, is thinking too much and not taking enough decisive action. If we let our mind imagine the worst case scenario and blow it out of proportion then we will spend more time trying to ring fence the imaginary problems. Consequentially we delay taking action thereby derailing the original plans. While planning is essential one must put the plans in action if one has to make tangible progress. So keep at bay the self doubt, the feeling of inadequacy and the anxiousness and apprehensions and replace it with confidence, hope and faith in your abilities.

Review and caliber our action as required – Even the best laid plans may not factor in circumstances beyond our control or imagination. Reviewing the progress of plans and recalibrating the action required is critical to getting the project implemented. If we do not pause to review there is every possibility that you continue to progress in the wrong direction or that we take a circuitous route that is time consuming and costly. Never hesitate to admit you made a mistake or that you need to be realistic and cut your losses. Do not become dogmatic or egoistic lest they cloud your judgment. Try and be open to feedback, be open to correction and be ready to change.

Try these

List out some goals that you have set for yourself but which have not yet taken off. Identify the reasons for the lack of progress on your part.

Identify two initiatives that you started off earnestly but which failed/ disappointed you. Can you put your finger on the specific mistakes you made which you did not correct on time and led to the failure/ disappointment?

Write down the 3 negative emotions you are guilty of harboring in your mind far too often. Now ask a few family members, friends and colleagues to share the one negative quality you display the most. Their responses could be an eye opener for you.

If you get irritated by the fact that despite your best efforts, all you get is criticism for what could have been done better, then ask yourself if you are guilty of the same mistake. Each of us guilty, albeit in varying degrees of being critical, unappreciative and finger pointing, especially when things do not happen as we plan or hope for. Occasionally some of us even berate ourselves for our lack of success and / or our failures because we find it hard to accept that we could not achieve what we set out to do. The point is that we are pained when others do not appreciate our toil, sweat and tears and unfortunately we too succumb to the same when we undervalue ourselves and others.

Obviously no one can avoid mistakes. However we need to look at mistakes, failures, lack of success from a more holistic view. This will enable one to be less critical, more appreciative and value the efforts, the sacrifices and the struggle without overvaluing momentarily success. The former gives us work ethics; success is an important milestone and motivator but cannot substitute for the discipline, the hard work and the rigor that is the corner stone of every successful person.

So how must one react to mistakes?

Acknowledge – Mistakes happen but it is the way we acknowledge the mistake that ensures it does not cascade into a disaster. If we have made a mistake, be honest about it and acknowledge it. If others have made mistakes, acknowledge the mistake without passing judgment and / or getting emotional about it. Mistakes happen for a variety of reasons and it is patently unfair to judge the mistake without grasping all the facts.

Appreciate – Mistakes happen because someone decided to do something. Even not doing something is a decision. In most cases there is honest effort, clear goals and possibly deep thinking that preceded the action. One needs to appreciate all these, for often mistakes are not an outcome of these but a result of calculations gone wrong. By appreciating something, the signal is that one values everything done to get success and that not achieving it, is painful for all concerned.

Motivate – Criticism is the easiest thing to do; the challenge is to find something to motivate those who failed, to try again and hopefully succeed. Motivation is essential to keep up morale, kindle hope and most of all to express confidence in the person/s. Motivation pushes people to overcome the past, focus on the future and succeed beyond their capabilities.

Suggest – In the chaos that often follows failure, critics would give opinions, point out mistakes and berate the failure. Instead, an objective feedback in the form of suggestions would be more acceptable to those who are already dejected. In calmer moments they would review the performance and ponder over the suggestions and possibly come out with a better game plan to succeed.

Exude optimism – Every individual requires reassurance; if you are successful you need to be reassured that you can have a repeat performance but it is when you fail that you need to feel that still have it in you to try again and succeed. You exude optimism by being willing to lay your bets on success the next time around, by willing to join the journey the next time around and by proclaiming aloud that you have full faith and confidence. Optimism opens up numerous possibilities, gives greater confidence, you prepared to correct your previous mistakes and most of all you are ready to begin again.

Make it a point to notice the tears, the sadness and the pain first; acknowledge that and only then focus on the mistake.

Try these

So list your top 3 failures and what where the reactions of people close to you then. How did you cope with those failures?

What did you try differently and did not succeed in the first attempt? What did you learn from that experience?

Do you recollect a time when you criticized someone for a failure and on hindsight realize that either you were wrong or too harsh?

What are the things / activities that you are keen to start experiment with but fear of failure is holding you back? How about giving some of those desires a try?

Some of us get frustrated waiting for the right moment, there are others who lament and rue those moments they missed taking advantage of and then there are plenty of us who wonder what the right moment ever is. Each breathe we take, is a moment that is all ours to utilize. Yes even the sleeping hours can be profitably used to dream up new effective plans, provided of course we go to bed with such an objective in mind. In reality, the fact that we go to bed with thoughts of attaining something worthwhile, gives us a clue as to what to do in our waking hours, to pursue that worthwhile goal. However unlike our every breathe that is automatic, capturing the right moment is actually possible only with effort. We need to first work on creating the right moment, and then be aware of the perfect time to make our move and grasp those moments and make it memorable. So now ask yourself what was the most memorable moment of today?

Picture / visualize what you want. You create moments only when you have a purpose and goal to attain. Without it, we would never be an evolved animal but merely a specie like the rest of the animal kingdom who live merely from meal to meal with evolutionary diversions being a bonus moment in the humdrum of everyday living. Man/ woman (human race in general) alone is blessed with the privilege to create wonderful moments to experience, share and reminiscence. In daily life, these moments will never be as dramatic as winning a contest or getting an award or breaking some records etc. Yet, we can create and cherish those moments daily by focusing on how we can contribute in our own little way to making the world around us a wee bit better each day.

Here are some things we can do daily to create those magic moments

Spread positivity– Yes there is a lot wrong with the world around. Yet the world has survived many doomsayers prophesies. So seek out the good around, be optimistic, focus on what is going on right. Go around spreading cheer, giving hope, sharing your enthusiasm, injecting a spirit of pride in those we come in contact with daily.

Stand up for your beliefs/ values – Standing up for what we perceive as right or for the values we hold dear is challenging, for there would be many others holding a different and possibly conflicting point of view. It is essential therefore that we are heard aloud, our point of view articulated clearly, our arguments unbiased and rationale and that we are willing to listen to others who may not share our views. We may not come to a definitive conclusion but we certainly won’t be steamrolled or let a brute majoritarian viewpoint be imposed de facto. That would be the moment that you create for the world to see your individuality.

Be there for others – At some stage in life each of us requires help from others. Seek out those who need such support and reach out to them. It could be someone struggling to take a decision, someone who is lonely and scared, it could be someone wanting to share a thought or fear or it could be someone wanting acceptance. Simply being polite, well mannered, being a good listener is all it takes to make those magic moments for others and yourself.

Act decisively to bring change – All of us have complaints. Can we start doing something about our grievances? Start working on finding solutions to our grievances and soon we would be getting others to join us in the quest of a solution not merely lamenting about our problems. You would create that moment by acting decisively to bring about change rather than joining the chorus of complainants.

Appreciate and encourage – At a more simple and personal level, you can create moments by appreciating others who have achieved something and encouraging those who are yet to fulfill their potential. Appreciation and encouragement are very fulfilling when one does it spontaneously, means it genuinely and gives of it freely. Look out for opportunities to spread such cheer and optimism daily.

Pardon and forgive– If we feel wronged we find it hard to pardon and forgive those who we see as perpetrators of the injustice. As a result, long after the event has passed, we still nurture a grievance, secretly hope to avenge it and want to plot the others downfall or atleast get a vicarious pleasure in their suffering. Yet it is that moment when we can forgive and pardon that will set us at peace, free us from a mental bondage and create a moment of personal exhilaration.

Accept and let go– Some events will overwhelm us. We cannot turn the clock back and yet we either live in denial or we seek comfort in lamenting ‘if only’. The moment we let go of the crutch of denial or lament, we would make dramatic progress in leading a happier, fulfilling and meaningful life. Accept the mistakes of the past, let it remain in the past, focus on the opportunities ahead and the enormous potential you have to make life even more wonderful. It is that moment you create that will transform you into the person that you really are meant to be.

Try these:

Go to a vantage point like a street level café in a crowded market place or a bustling railway station or bus terminus and simply observe the people passing by. Pay attention to those walking slowly, those lingering, those looking lost and confused, those on the verge of tears. Be grateful for your more well off life and attempt to mitigate the misery of one such person you notice.

Go and visit an elderly friend or relative who is seeking company or visit the sick in the hospital nearby. Perhaps you can visit a home for the physically/ mentally challenged and create some magic moments for them too.

Maybe you would like to write or speak to someone who you could not pardon or someone who you would like to appreciate. Maybe you can volunteer for a movement about which you are passionate but have not yet committed. Is there a regret that you want to let go off and walk away from. Write it down and then tear it up and trash it.

Learn to create those moments that you will cherish henceforth! Go forth and be blessed with magic moments and timeless memories.

If you are frequently troubled by or experience being restless, despondent, worried, anxious, fearful, irritated, dejected then this post is a must read for you. The fury, heat and carnage of hell is already being experienced by you now; can hell get any worse? Therefore you need to ask yourself the question how can I make my present life more joyful, liberating and fulfilling. The answer lies in eliminating many of the toxic feelings and thoughts that we are prone to get addicted to as a result of challenges, failures, rejections that we may have been subject to or visualize as being part of our fate.

Get rid of the following and you will never be carrying your personal hell in mind or spirit.

Anger –Anger is a self destructive bomb we carry around. It can explode leaving behind not just a mass of debris but that debris would include you too. Walking around with anger inside, shuts of our ability to be discerning, appreciative or forgiving. This is akin to being a pressure cooker without a release outlet. Our rage within imbalances our physiology as well as our psychology. We are consumed from within.

Jealousy – A jealous person is always comparing. The comparisons are invariably futile for the other person will still have what he/ she has but we will be still wanting for more. Jealousy can also trigger one to take irrational decisions, take away our attention from our abilities and instead waste our energies on plotting against others and most of all it makes us restless.

Greed – Greed is the trigger for jealousy. Our greed makes us crave for more. It makes us pine for what we do not have. It makes is feel inferior to others who have what we too would covet. Greed embroils us in a confusion between desires we cannot afford and the temptation to take dubious means to fulfil our desires. Greed adds to our pain of us feel inadequate as compared to others.

Revenge – Getting even with someone who has wronged us is a boiling cauldron within us that is called revenge. Revenge blinds us to the consequences of our action. More dangerous is the fact that when obsessed with the thoughts of revenge we forget that we are wilfully endangering ourselves. Revenge enslaves us by binding us with a frenzy and fury of our own making.

Deceit – Making a quick buck or gain is never easy. Yet we are tempted to attempt that. Except when one gets lucky like winning a lottery or getting an inheritance making wealth is the result of hard work. However many a time we are tempted to indulge in a little deceit to make some gains. It could be cheating the tax man or betraying the trust of another or deliberately conning another. Deceit will disturb our peace of mind in more ways than one. From feeling guilty to being fearful of getting caught or having to suffer the retribution of those cheated, we are always on tenterhooks.

Telling lies – This is the most common and frequently indulged trap we fall in. Lying to others may occasionally help save our skin but it is fraught with the risk of being exposed. A lie is heavy burden on our conscience and pricks us often. The worst lie is the one we tell ourselves. By refusing to accept our faults, by failing to acknowledge our weakness and by ignoring the fair and honest criticism given to us by our elders and well wishers we are only lying to our self. These lies compound and act as sores in our conscience that are always festering.

Try this:

You are approached by a very good friend for a major contribution to a charity. You already have many commitments over the next few months and you do not want contribute anything. What will you tell the friend?

Your colleague at work has suddenly been given a plush car and a huge increment. You have no idea what the reason for such largesse by the management is. At the same time in the appraisals you have been given accolades by the management. How will you react to this situation?

Your bachelor uncle who lived with you died after a prolonged illness. Your family has spent a lot time and money and sacrificed a lot to take care of him. In his will he has bequeathed his massive property to you and your family. However verbally he has told you a number of times that 5 % of the share in the property must be given to charity and 20 % to a cousin. Neither the charity concerned is aware of it and your cousin has never cared to inquire about the uncle. Would you happily abide by your uncles instructions or prefer to go by the will.

Looking back wistfully may not be a waste but looking back with regret is disastrous for the life ahead of you. When wistful, our thoughts go back to the pleasant memories of days gone by, the growing up years, the warmth and affection of loved ones, the lessons learned some perhaps in painful ways but each memory triggers a nostalgia tinged with sadness but filled with love. On the other hand, looking back with regret evokes a host of unpleasant, loathsome and burdensome thoughts each sending a stab of pain and anguish. We never seem to get over the ‘if only’ syndrome and add a garnishing of bad luck, stupid decision making and other peoples faults to make a pungent potion of an indigestible concoction which we refuse to spit out.

While the past cannot be changed we can certainly change our view of the past. Begin by taking stock of what you are blessed with today. It may be frugal, it may not be anywhere close to what we hoped to have but the fact is you still have it. Now focus on what you want to get. You can dream big no matter what your circumstances, for you are limited only by your dreams. So now you have a dream and a reality which outline for you your present and the future. The missing link is the past which has played a crucial role in helping you reach where you are. Now see the past as a bridge that allowed you to cross a chasm. You didn’t have much of a choice at that point unless you changed tracks to explore alternate routes. Having crossed the chasm the bridge is no longer there for you to reverse your steps so all that you can do is walk on.

Starting today, as you journey ahead, be aware that many of those unpleasant events of the past have actually nudged you in the right direction and enabled you to attain far more than you would ever have otherwise. Perhaps it was a failure that nudged you to pursue a different profession than what you had planned. In many cases we never had any plans and life was kind enough to lead you to where you are today. Starting today remember also that you have numerous choices ahead. Choose wisely for your choices today, will tomorrow become, the bridges you crossed yesterday. If you have a plan, a dream a goal you are better placed to make wiser choices. Youngsters reading this post be more aware that what you post on social networking sites could mar your career tomorrow for they reflect your personality, beliefs and attitude far more astutely than what you portray in an interview. If you have big dreams then think more clearly today about your values, your character and your convictions and let them come through in your choices.

Try this:

Outline 3 decisions of the past that you would have taken differently. How would each of that decision impact your present?

Can you think of 3 incidents from the past which you hated/ regretted/ wished didn’t happen but latter realized that they actually benefited you in the long run. How did it benefit you?

What will you do when faced with the following circumstances?

You find a wallet with Rs.10,000 in it but no other papers or details of the owner of the wallet.

You are driving out of a parking lot and you were distracted by a call on your mobile. Unfortunately you rammed into a parked Mercedes car. The damage to the other car is significant but fortunately for you there are no attendants around and you can drive away without being noticed.

Your roommate is out of town and you borrowed his /her camera when going for a picnic. The camera slipped from your hands and has stopped functioning. There is no external damage marks on the camera.

Your best friend at work has requested you to tell a lie to cover up for her /his unauthorized absence from work.

Wallowing in self pity is a common ailment suffered by many. We rue the missed opportunities, regret the poor decisions we took, find fault with others who we feel have betrayed or let us down and / or simply curse our fate. While some or most of our reasons for our inability to realise our full potential may have some merit, the bitter truth is that we have to accept the reality that we haven’t optimized our potential and focus on finding ways to move ahead in life. This is best done by letting bygones be bygones and appreciating the riches we still posses and using that more productively.

To do this we need to systematically work on the following 4 aspects

Leave the past behind – Longfellow, the poet, said it beautifully in his poem ‘ The Psalm of Life’ ‘ Let the dead past bury its dead’ While we do tend to lapse into brooding about the days gone by, it is essential that we do not live in the past world. The past cannot be changed nor rewritten. However we can learn from the past experiences, mistakes and follies that we committed. However it is essential that we use the past as only a reference point to be alert and avoid the mistakes we made. It should never be used as crutch to lean on to justify the missed opportunities or rue the chances we did not take or lament about our lack of daring when we could have crossed the chasm in one giant leap.

Utilize the present – Making a clean break with the past is tough but tougher still is utilizing the fresh opportunities that come our way everyday. Many opportunities come disguised as hard work, some come in the form of risks to be taken while most come in the guise of boring, repetitive and mundane work. The challenge then is to be conscientious, bold, efficient and proactive. It is not enough to do a task but one must do it with a smile, bring verve and panache to it and most of all ensure that we can add some more value to our efforts. The difference you create in the task you do will be the difference that will be noticed and rewarded.

Experiment with change – We are conditioned to be logical, methodical and go by the book in most things we do. What distinguishes the winner from the loser is the winners ability to confront problems, failures, disappointments, discouragement and bouts of self doubt with innovative techniques, experimentation and leaving one’s unique imprint behind. None of this is fail safe for there is very real risk of things getting botched up, but the rewards of success far outweigh the risks of failure. Every new idea that succeeds is a tribute to the grit, determination and confidence of those who dared to think differently, dream big and create something unique.

Redesign your future – Behind every success there will invariably be an undercurrent of mistakes, failures and disappointments. However, those who succeed planned to succeed by outlining their future goals, visualizing the path to those goals and as Robert Frost put in verse traveling ‘ miles to go before I sleep’. Designing the future is not limited to entrepreneurs but is the prerogative of every human being. The trick in redesigning the future lies in making a realistic assessment of one’s own self, figuring out one’s strengths, being aware of one’s weakness and using this paradigm as a base telescope the mind to figure out areas of our passion/ interest and exploring the innumerable opportunities that exist in this canvas before us.

So have you finished lamenting? There is no time like the present moment to change your attitude, your beliefs, your goals and yourself.

Try this:

Do something outlandish – here are some suggestions to choose from but you can come up with your own dares for yourself

Spend a day at a prison interacting with prisoners

Attend a religious service of a different faith

Make a kite and get a neighboring kid to help you too

Watch a regional language movie (of a language you don’t understand and which has no subtitles)

If you had to give a donation of a substantial sum to a cause what cause would you donate it to? Instead of donating money to the cause can you spend 1 hour a week for 6 months working on that cause?

If our life were a movie, how interesting it would be to see the trailer of it and feel the thrill and excitement that is yet to come. No doubt there would be moments of pain and anguish, disappointments and frustrations, but like most movies, the end would always be a happy, idealistic and hopefully enjoyable one. Unfortunately, the movie of our life is scripted daily and so we continue to be a hero/ heroine on the stage of our life, little knowing what is scripted for us. Fortunately, we are also blessed with the gift of imagination, which enables us to take charge of our life, script and direct it the way we want to and succeed in large measure to have the most idyllic ending. So get set to telescope your imagination into your future and script your own success. Doing this is a simple matter of being imaginative ; begin by stating your life goals, anticipate the success you will achieve, roll up your sleeves and participate in the process, creating something tangible that you imagined and celebrating your achievements.

State – We often have wild fantasies, crazy ideas, some passionate beliefs, some out of the box thoughts etc but rarely do we ink it out and mull over it. As long as you can transcribe your imagination into words/ pictures/ doodles you will be able to attempt some work on it. Imagination should begin in the head but must be stated and spelled out clearly. Right now the best way to utilize the learning from the post is to jot down at least 3 ideas that came to your mind as you read this post.

Anticipate – If you have written down at least one idea, you would notice that your mind is already thinking about it even as you read the post. There is a sense of anticipation that the idea is workable. You are already evaluating alternatives to make the idea work. If you haven’t got an idea, you are reading further in the hope that you will get an ideas you read the post or at least at some point get some idea sometime later. Notice that it is this anticipation of getting a benefit that is motivating you to read. So stating your goal or vision or idea or dream helps you anticipate the next possibilities to attain your stated objective.

Participate – If you want things to happen, you have to start moving things. This essentially means you have to participate in the process. You give wings to your imagination and soar towards your goal by building the wings through effort, team work, rework, network and hard work. Even when you play a game, the key is your participation; if you don’t participate you can neither enjoy the game and for sure you cannot expect to succeed in the game. Participation must as far as possible be voluntary, self driven and pleasurable.

Create – As you sow so shall you reap; your intent, purpose, extent and passion in participation will determine what and how you create and achieve your goals/ dreams/ wish list. The process of translating your imagination into something tangible could be frustrating, backbreaking and dodgy. Yet, the experience would be invaluable, the rewards exhilarating and self fulfillment complete. There are times we won’t achieve perfection, some outcomes would be disappointing and criticism can be a constant companion but as long as you are progressing towards your goal and creating your dreams into reality, your life will be fulfilling.

Celebrate– The best part of imagination is not in day dreaming but in realizing that dream; in being a part of the achievement; in sharing the joy of the success and in relishing the fruits of success. Achievement is not merely a statistic but a vibrant creation and you are the heartbeat that pumps life into that creation.

Give your imagination wings and then use them to soar up high and enjoy the view.

Try this

How would you creatively / imaginatively dispose of your old clothes, books, footwear, odds and ends that are unnecessarily occupying space?

If you were to organize a party what unique games will you incorporate to make the party more entertaining and participative.

Considering your academics and interest, think up 3 unique career opportunities that you can possibly explore.

PS: Transcribe your answers into tangible achievements in the next 6 month.