A new journey can be so frightening and intimidating. As I step into being a homeschool mom while still balancing my work and Pastor’s wife, I look back to how I put off this commitment and journey for a year because of fear.

What if we lived our lives afraid of what might be? Or in my case, a fear of failing my children and loss of time to complete things I want and need to do. Being led by fear or insecurity will just lead to a life of regret and what if’s. For me, that is not something I am willing to live with in the least. PUSH!MOVE ON! COMMIT! LOOK FOR THE GOOD TO COME!

How do we do this in our lives? There are times we need to pull back and just get rid of the noise. Oh, how I love the tv off and total silence. Take some time to reflect, pray and the key to it all…listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. How do you know the voice of the Lord? Spend time with him and cut out a few things that keep your mind & heart full of noise. This alone will change things drastically in your life, and you will be able to hear the direction for your life.

Having a willing heart that wants to want to please the Lord and walk the walk he has prepared for you will drastially change things in our lives. I had to be wiling to listen, lay down my own ways & pursue what HE has for me. With this comes a grace to be able to do what you would not be able to in your own strength.

As we come upon the end of the week I am so surprised about the ease of stepping into being a homeschool mom. I still have to learn how to balance a bit, but the peace and joy as I teach the girl has been something I wasn’t prepared for while teaching. I thought it would be an ok God, I will do this because you said so. HA! That wouldn’t be God’s best now would it? Nope. He says if you listen to my voice I will direct your steps. He promises to not put anything on us that we can’t walk through, and that we will be graced to do along with His super on our natural.

So whatever it is that you are delaying,decided today to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. Take time in your quite place to hear from Him then take the step. He will direct your path!

I have walked through one of the most difficult times to date in my life. In short I had foot/ankle surgery 7 weeks ago. I just knew I would be back to it, the daily routine and being my ever so busy bee self within 2 weeks. Here we are 7 weeks later and I am still not walking and haven’t driven in months. I am literally learning to walk all over again and this process is so painful at times. Can you hear the screams on the inside? What? Are you kidding me? I am not going according to “my” pace? Not to mention I have to receive help, key word receive not resent the fact I must have help.

One of the key factors of the above paragraph is pride. I had no idea that was in my heart, I know I don’t ever feel I exalt myself above another. I without a doubt just know I have it together and that has been rooted out years ago. Clearly this isn’t the case.

The first few weeks I was totally 100% relying on my husband to do everything. Our church kindly provided meals for the first few weeks, thank the Lord for this or we would have starved. This is important to know because in the past I wouldn’t do that on any level. You know the “I can handle it,” “someone else needs that above me,” and the all to common “I just don’t want to bother anyone.” P-R-I-D-E!

In no way does our Heavenly Father do something to harm us, it would go against His nature (everything good, perfect, noble, kind and so on). However, I have learned he will allow a hardship, trial and test to show us what is in our heart. To root it out and grow us, which is for our benefit because He loves us so much.

Being in the 7th week of this process (which in retrospect of the rest of my life isn’t that much) I have learned to just trust my Father that He will protect me. Also, that everything will be completed and taken care of if I am not always involved. After all I am a Pastors wife and isn’t it my job to make sure all the t’s are crossed and i’s are dotted? NO!!! I have learned that my girls will be ok and they actually LOVE to help if I will give them the opportunity. Also, do not worry how others see you, I have in the past felt I needed to “look together” and be able to handle anything thrown my way always with grace. Well news flash, I have found I don’t and that is what makes this so perfect, it gives God the ability to show Himself strong on my behalf. Lastly, Josh, my ever so kind husband, I didn’t realize I have felt I didn’t want to let him down and look “weak”. Wow, what a mistake that was, because I was not giving him the opportunity to be strong for me and stand in the gap. I could go on and on but you get the point.

Pride will keep us from the blessing of letting others close into our lives. We will lose the ability to receive love by letting others in and be a blessing. Meekness isn’t weakness, but power under control.

I found is so interesting when my mom-in-law drove from Oklahoma this week to cook us dinner, I just set there. She mentioned to me that 3 months ago I wouldn’t even let her in my kitchen. WOW!!! That is years of behavior wiped out in this 7 week difficulty. To my amazement I could not believe how much change had happened in my heart.

It is important to mention during this time I have continued to seek Him through, loads and loads of teaching, reading my word and many great books and of course prayer. I knew if I just kept my heart open to what God wants to show me then I would overcome this very hard season in mine & my family’s life. Making the choice of getting into a place of why me, why can’t it be someone else or just giving up and letting “life” just do what it will (which is chance not faith in Jesus) will not help you to overcome. Just keep your Spirit open to all God has for you and let him transform you.

In conclusion, I have learned that often times God will use people to show us love. If we are to busy (prideful) to not receive the help, care & support, we keep people/God our Father at the same arms length. I never knew this was part of my nature I had developed I believe as a child; with the loss of my father & abandonment of my mother. It is so important to just let those things go, they can help shape you into all God has called you to be. I am no where close to where I want to be, but I am not where I once was in my heart. God can use every situation to totally transform your life. Our job is to keep walking, don’t give up, walk in the love of God and his grace & forgiveness. Don’t Give Up!

As I drove home from the gym this morning, I began to think about scars. How they look. How they heal. How did it get there in the first place. The Lord began to show me how scars relate to how He transforms our life.

Over 20 years ago I had a surgery that changed my life forever. A doctor made a mistake, which in turn caused me to have a total hysterectomy at age 19. I have a scar from one side to the other on my lower abdomen (along with others in the same area). These aren’t noticeable to others, however they are to me. They are reminder of a deep wound not only physically but emotionally. I don’t dwell on this, I have accepted it as part of my past.

I have experienced great disappointment of never physically being able to have children, and hurt from the trauma caused by the hand of someone I trusted (my doctor). What was an attempt to destroy life, turned into something that forever filled my life with great joy. Had I not had the hysterectomy, I may have never adopted my 2 daughters. What the enemy meant for bad, God turned into good. The scars of the past, are erased when I see them. They are my absolute joy.

This is how Jesus is when we accept Him into our hearts. The wounds and things of the past are healed. We may have the memories and thoughts which are the scars but we have a future in Him, which heals the broken hearted. I want to encourage you today that the scars of the past do not determine your future. They may take you in a different direction, BUT God will turn whatever was meant for bad into good.

The scars Jesus has in his side and hands, are the scars that reveal our future. Jesus took the most brutal beating that left him with scars of His past, but oh my goodness the promise of the future. Jesus knew that the wounds He took for us were to give us our destiny, a great future in Him. His scars from the nails in His hands, to the spear in His side are a reminder of Him being raised from the dead and the redemption for His people. Thank you Father that you heal the wounds of our past and have given us the promise of a great future through your only Son.

Recently I heard a pastor say, “be the best you, the person God created you to be.” If you think about that, it’s all He asks from us. Why is this such a hard task? Is it the media? A standard we place in our mind that we want to reach? Or is it ideological points of view that sets us up to fail before we even get started? What if we each just sought the Lord on how to be the very best we can be, and love who He created us to be.

We are all created with a unique purpose, with unique talents and abilities. No two of us are alike; even twins have their very own set of finger prints. As a pastor’s wife, I have learned this the hard way. I really look up to and watch those who really impact so many in ministry, I have quickly realized the trail I am called to blaze isn’t like my predecessors. They have their unique call and I have mine to forge, with the talents & abilities given to me by the Lord.

Growing up I never seemed to fit in the family I was raised in; I always felt I stuck out like a sore thumb. I grew up on a farm, a rather large farm at that, with every kind of animal you can think of running around our house. My grandmother had an enormous garden where we grew our veggies and canned to last through the winter. I have to say, I believe my work ethic came from this but nothing else. I never enjoyed one second of it, however my brother has carried on some of what he learned about canning. I always had a dream in my heart greater than I could see. I really struggled trying to “fit in”, from time to time being called, “the city girl” with zero idea of what that meant. I always had an ability to create and draw just about anything, but felt I was the odd one. The confusion of celebrating and growing in my strengths, ended up in an identity struggle and low self-esteem.

Over the years I have had many positions, different jobs & changed my major countless times in college. I have ALWAYS been drawn to the Lord, even in the middle of my mess I always had Him pulling at my heart. I always knew I wanted to help people, and have tried to do that throughout my life. Still, who am I called to be? What am I good at? How achieve the vision in my heart? How can I get there with the tools I have?

It starts with knowing before God created you, he decided what role he wanted you to play on earth. He planned exactly how he wanted you to serve him, and then he shaped you for those tasks. You are the way you are because you were made for a specific ministry and a specific purpose. No accidents here, all divine purpose and destiny.

The Bible says, “We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works” (Ephesians 2:10 NIV). Our English word “poem” comes from this Greek word translated “workmanship.” You’re God’s handcrafted work of art. You’re not an assembly line product, mass-produced without thought. You’re a custom designed, one-of-a-kind, original masterpiece.

God deliberately shaped and formed you to serve him in a way that makes your ministry unique. He carefully mixed the DNA recipe that created you. David praised God for this incredible personal attention to detail God gave in designing each of us: “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous” (Psalm 139:13-14 NLT).

This means nothing that happens in your life is insignificant. God uses all of it to mold you for your ministry to others and shape you for your service to him. God never wastes anything. He would not give you abilities, interests, talents, gifts, personality, and life experiences unless he intended to use them for his glory. God does want our very best. And He actually put some eternal thought into us before He made us. In Romans 12, Paul writes that God has graciously given each of us gifts. He has given us skills and abilities that are unique to us. I don’t know about you, but this is great news to me!

We should humbly seek to be great at what He’s made us for. Romans 12 4-5 says that we are all part of one body in Christ. The body doesn’t need the heart to be a mediocre heart. It needs the best heart it can have. Nor does it need bad hands or weak feet that can’t do what they’re intended to do. God can, and does, use us in our weakness, but we should also seek to be great stewards of the us God has made.

I found this on a website on how to be all God has created us to be, I believe it bares repeating:

Speak good things about yourself. Declare what God’s Word says about you. For example, say to yourself, “I am the righteousness of God in Christ. I am made acceptable in the Beloved. God formed me with His own hand, He loves me, and God doesn’t make mistakes.” Speaking who God said I am over my life has radically changed me, I share this with folks daily.

Avoid comparing yourself to others. God must love variety, or all of us wouldn’t look so different. He has created each of us differently right down to our fingertips. We can look to certain people as good examples to follow, but even then, good traits if duplicated will manifest differently through our individual personalities.

Focus on your potential instead of your limitations. Refuse to concentrate on your weaknesses except in an effort to turn them into strengths. Keep your flaws in perspective. People with a high level of confidence have just as many weaknesses as those without confidence, but they focus on their strengths instead of their weaknesses.

Learn to cope with criticism. If you dare to be different, you’ll have to expect some criticism. Going along with the crowd when you know in your heart that God is leading you in a different direction is one of the reasons many don’t succeed at being themselves. You won’t be comfortable in your own skin if you go against your own convictions. This has been one of the greatest challenges I have faced, overcoming criticism. However, like Jesus encountering many critics we will as well if we oppose the things in the world.

Remember this: God will never anoint you to be anyone other than yourself. Let now be your time to go forward and be set free from the torments of comparing yourself with others and trying to be someone you’re not. God is proud of who He made you to be!Start today by being the best you He created you to be.

Scriptures to Encourage You

Psalm 119:73Your hands have made me, cunningly fashioned and established me; give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments.

Psalm 139:13-18For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery].

Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them. How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When I awoke, [could I count to the end] I would still be with You.

Romans 5:5Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.

Philippians 4:6-7Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.

And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, Who loved us and gave us everlasting consolation and encouragement and well-founded hope through [His] grace (unmerited favor), comfort and encourage your hearts and strengthen them [make them steadfast and keep them unswerving] in every good work and word.