i currently weigh 131 lbs. (and this is primarily what lifting weights is good for - getting over bad binges....see below...) maybe my goal for September should be to weigh below 130. it would be the first time in a long time, over a year. so, let me try, let me try just by exercise and refraining from a few more binges, to get into the 120s. I know that once I am there, I will be ecstatic and that i will try hard to get to an even lower weight, 125.

(reposted from an entry in July: I BELIEVE, although i could have skipped through my entries too fast, but I BELIEVE the last time i was in the 120s was SEPTEMBER 2008. that's approximately THREE YEARS AGO! )

lately, i don't even regret overeating. i just feel a little sick, little tired, and that's it. so weird. then i try to maintain some level of exercise and move on. i don't wanna binge often, but i still lack control when i'm home for many hours of the day, like today and yesterday.

so i will have to exercise, but if i do, i will be able to maintain my weight and not worry. but, this is not how to lose weight, obviously. this is why i cannot lose weight! hmmmm. something to consider, huh!?

dinner: (yeah, i will probably eat again later tonight) -

Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Em17 on 08/28/2011:
Haha love the story =) Have a great week coming up =)

hollybelle on 08/28/2011:
Well, about binging - I am not exactly binging, but I am eating more than ususal for like 2 weeks = almost every day. I am exercising and I am trying to go with the flow and let it go in anticipation of it evening out soon - but I can't seem to get in touch with my feelings that are making me eat like this. I KNOW I'm not always HUNGRY when I am eating, but I do it anyway. I am not bored, and I am not all that stressed (at least no more than usual-work, my dad, home duties, etc.).....I seem to know what I am not, but I'm not sure what I AM that is making me over eat. Not exactly binge, but over eat......any ideas for me on this?

KayBee on 08/29/2011:
I feel the same, the lack of control when I'm home for hours. Last year I had an insane exercise timetable partly because I wanted to avoid being home & eating out of boredom ...

If you want some good bathroom reading material, read my previous entry!!! while in the grass last night having sex the darn mosquitos attached me like crazy!!! i guess that's my consequence for having random sex (but always with a condom!!! it is very important to me to always use protection.)

random sex...i have now slept with: guy from Xray class back in the spring of 2010, sporty guy #1 from long island at the bar, guy #2 from Astoria who i met at the same bar as guy #1, guy i dated a few times 3 years ago that i reunited with recently twice, and guy from gym. everyone except Xray guy I have slept with from maybe March till now. Xray guy was earlier on. whoa. so crazy. at almost 29, i don't have a problem with carefully/safely, as safely as i can that is, sleeping around a little bit. after all, if i'm not in a relationship, i have needs too. it's not only guys that enjoy sex.

KayBee on 08/27/2011:
LOL, I completely agree. :))) I don't think anyone would have the right to judge you on this one. On the contrary - I'm pretty much jealous, I'd like to enjoy sex for once. I'm in a 5-yr relationship, living with a guy, and I haven't had sex for more than 6 months, but who's counting?? :-S

mysterywoman100 on 08/27/2011:
Girls wait until you are 55 every woman my age either complains they arent getting enough sex or their husbands want it and they dont. And being single is hard because the 2nd thing out of old farts mouths is something sexual and it turns me off. So I sit at home alone alot.

Umpqua on 08/27/2011:
I don't think anyone would call you out or judge you for your choices, you're being safe and you're doing what makes you happy, right? Right? You don't share much about your life on here and so there's not a lot of context for these encounters so I just hope that you are happy because that is all that matters at the end of the day.

V on 08/27/2011:
LOL!!! Hey as a single girl myself I have to say there is NOTHING wrong with fulfilling your needs, we all have them and for those who chose to deny they do??? Sucks for them!!! Hahaha!!! Do you girl!! nothing wrong with that, but you have to invest in some "skin so soft" for the outdoor encounters...LOL ;)

KayBee on 08/27/2011:
I came back to see the comments! I thought so, see? No judging, only applauding, clap-clap for safe sex, enjoy! ;-)

missdetermined on 08/27/2011:
Hey, as long as you're having fun and being safe, no harm done, plus it burns calories, especially if you're on top, LOL! :)

hollybelle on 08/27/2011:
Yeah, I am clap=clap=clapping along with Kat on this one. Just glad you are caution about protection. One good thing about sex after your older and have had kids.....no worries about birth control and if monogamous (which at this point in time I CERTAINLY am - butSURE was NOT) no worries in the health related issues, either. Sex is big part of life and not to be missed out on. i a also laughing about the misquito bites - too bad...

fantastic end to a so-so day. wow. ok, some of you may really be disgusted. I had sex with someone i met at the gym a few months ago. we see each other there, not often though because i usually go to a gym that's closer to home. Only occasionally do I go to this other gym, that i like better, but like i said it's out of the way for me on a regular basis. yep, we flirted there, worked out a little together, and had sex outside...and now i have mosquito bites as punishment. what a night!

Today I did nothing for me. skipping the gym, the one thing i do enjoy pisses me off to no end. but tomorrow i need to get up and be at work by 7am. i am tired of being exhausted when the weekend begins and that is why i am not exercising tonight. i don't want to have no sleep again on a friday, it doesn't feel good going into the weekend. I wanted to do weights at the gym. whatever.

I had a horrible day.

I worked from 8-7:30 and got home around 9pm.

I do work I do not like.

I lie that I like it.

and didn't do any cardio or weightlifting.

I am upset going to bed right now, bad day, sucks.

goodnight.

calories: around 1800 or so.

Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

liza36 on 08/26/2011:
I'm sorry you didn't have a good day. I hope the weekend is better for you!

I guess i didn't have enough protein at dinner, either. up in the middle of the night, 3am, hungry and my head was itchy! so i took a shower and drank a ton of water with a little chocolate stevia flavoring that i added. :-)wish i wasn't up now, but i guess serves me right!?

good day but really hungry all morning, not a good feeling. i had breakfast, but not enough protein. felt horrible!

healthy foods overall.

around 1900-2000 cal.

40 min walk. and abs exercise.

goodnight.

Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

liza36 on 08/25/2011:
It's great you are eating healthy overall, and also recognize the need for protein. That's an important component.

I got a 96% on the written part of the Police Academy test yesterday. It was a computerized test where the score is calculated automatically afterwards. wahoo! Now on to take the other parts, the whole process, if I do even get in to the academy, may take a full year...wow, this is exciting though!

i just cooked lots of chinese vegetables and low calorie (shirataki) noodles to bring with my lunch this week to work. i'm gonna be prepared and healthier this week. yay.

snack: pria bar 110

breakfast: bran 60, milk 100, fiber one 140: 300.

snack: 300 plum, protein shake

snack: 200 banana, milk

920 so far.

dinner: some of a sicilian slice of pizza during dinner with a guy before we went to see "The Help" movie - great movie!

maybe not even 1500 cals today. perfect.

exercise: hour cardio, 1.5 hours weights.

Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 08/21/2011:
I think I missed my calling in Law Enforcement! You go and do it for me, 'k? Very cool.

thinkpositive on 08/22/2011:
Congratulations on your score! A year is a long time for the whole process.