Forgiveness

Forgiveness empowers us – it opens us up to love – it fills voids with love – and let’s go of unresolved anguish that lies dormant in our cells – when we resolve to forgive we lighten ourselves to higher vibrations- opening valves to align ourselves to our higher purpose.

This weekend I was on spontaneously asked if I wanted to go see James Van Praugh, the world renowned Psychic Medium for free – no hesitation- yes I replied. Full of gratitude, I knew the Universe gave me this gift to be there. Excited because I thought well maybe I will receive a message from one of my two fathers that have passed in 2015 or my beloved mother in law, Arlene, who passed suddenly on her way to work in 2014. Yes, this was a sign.

The whole day Saturday I meditated on connecting with them – asked my husband & mother to speak to them so they may bring their energy forward. I prepared myself completely with set & open intentions.
The evening began – a few 100 people gathered at the Celebrity Theater to have a moment to connect with their loved ones that have passed. James came out & danced & used great humor for us to laugh. He explained how his technique worked & how they come through for him. He also explained the process of death from his perspective of how the soul must go through its life review. How they feel with great intensity every single encounter they have touched with another soul & how that soul felt whether it was of positive or of a negative vibration. I had known about this through many books I have read to include his. He also went to mention that whenever the soul hurt someone in their physical life, the soul can be saddened for not receiving the forgiveness they wanted from life hurts that they may have placed onto others. He also told us he has no control for who steps forward for a person.

The show begins, he immediately calls out the name Catherine or Kathy he hears & a gentleman stands, it’s his mother. The messages are magnificent that are being conveyed. And all the while, I am in my seat eagerly awaiting for the Donald, Tom, Arlene. A few more go by then there is a William or Billy – no one stands & a Mary – someone stands and the message seems a little off & then he moves on to the next. About 15 minutes later within myself, I hear it is me, William, Baby Grandpa & Mary, Baby Grandma. I realize the connection within myself and yet the moment to connect through James had passed.

You see, Baby Grandpa hurt me when I was a little girl. He sexually molested me from the age of 5 to 7 years old. After a very significant encounter with him, I finally told my mother & I was forbidden to see him ever again. In those times, these sort of things weren’t talked about or was it even looked at as to what capacity how the child was impacted by this trauma. So it was buried within in me – never talked about. It really became a matter of something that happened to me.

Now, I’m not going to go into the details of the abuse nor the impact it has on me on my adult life for this story is about forgiveness.

Shortly before he passed, I was on my mid-twenties & the phone rang before I was on my way to leave for work. We didn’t have caller ID at this time & I answered the phone & it was him – he wanted me to know that he had been working with his priest at church about what he had done to me as a child & wanted to know if I could ever see it in my heart to forgive him. I was stunned at the call, the question for like I said, stuffed it down & just took it as something that happened to me. I did later learn through my self-discovery the impact it had on me, my self-worth & esteem but again, that’s another blog. I told yeah sure / I forgive you. I ended the call quickly- I was running late for work & was definitely not something I wanted to look at in that moment nor as I reflect on this was even in a space in my life to look at it.

Now, back to my satellite evening at the James Van Praugh event – I am an intuitive- always have been aware of this gift since I was a little girl and one of my greatest intuitive gifts is the ability to see connections. I heard within me it was him – and the connection of his love for forgiveness.

On our way home, I talked about this awareness with my girlfriend Debbie while we driving. She even asked what specifically did he do, I shared with her & she asked me – “well do you really want to forgive him for that?” – I told her I don’t know if I wanted to forgive him in physical form but I definitely want to forgive him in the non-physical. And the very next day I sat down and wrote a letter to him & here is how it went:

Dear Billy Orrach, baby grandpa I forgive you for the times you made me feel scared – gross and violated. I forgive you for your desires for my little girl body & for the invasion of my innocence and the lifetime of insecurity that it caused for me. I forgive your soul for I know your soul is pure like mine. I forgive the actions you acted upon from a place of fear while alive on earth. I forgive your light so it may shine bright in heaven. I wish your soul no burdens or lingering anguish. I pray that from this moment from your space you are free. I forgive all that your physical form did. I now know that is not your true essence. It is done and I send your soul love and we are clear. I fill myself up for the love. I fill myself up with unconditional love and we are complete – we are free. I free myself from this burden and clear this out of my life. aI am free from this I forgive it all and let it completely go. I now live in the love that has been voided out for so long where there was once her hurt and pain; it is now filled with love and joy. I take back my innocence and give you your freedom and this is no longer a string of hurt, it is a string of love. It is clear and so it is.