How to Get Rich Quickly: Part 2

Some of you may remember my previous post about How To Get Rich Quickly. Hopefully you read through it and took notes. By now you should be nearly done reevaluating your lives and beginning to put the plans in motion.

Well, the economy isn’t doing any better. The price of stock in the company I work for, NACCO, is worth about half what it was in 1999 when they announced the closing of the plant in Danville, IL. Everyone is trying to save what money they have or find ways to make more.

Here are some more tips for getting rich quickly. Remember that this follows in the same vein as the first post: take any decision I have made since the age of 15 and do the opposite. That’s it. It is just that simple.

Kids – I love my children. They have enriched my life in ways I never thought possible. They have taught me whole new levels of love and wonder. When it comes right down to it they are NOT the path to getting rich. Listen, kids need stuff. All the freakin’ time! Stuff costs money. Let me break that down for you: Kids need stuff…stuff costs money…therefore kids cost money. You are never going to get rich having children. I guess that’s true unless you are somehow able to use your children to make money, a la Jon & Kate Plus 8 or the much hated Octo-Mom. Maybe I need to start looking into whoring (metaphorically speaking, of course) my kids out in some sort of money making ploy. I’ll get back to you on that one.

Education – It’s overrated. I went to college. Two of them, in fact. EIU and UIUC. I ended up with a BS in Mechanical Engineering. Has this degree gotten me rich? No. Do I have a good job? Yeah, I guess. Do I enjoy what I do for a living? Sure, for the most part. But it has not gotten me rich!! Look at Bill Gates. He is easily one of the wealthiest people on the planet. You know what? He dropped out of college!!! That’s right! I saw it on a made-for-tv movie called Pirates Of Silicon Valley. If it’s on tv it must be true.

Housing – I live in a house. I like my house. It’s nice to live in a place that you will someday own. I’ve been told that owning a house is an investment. I don’t buy it. Buying a house has not gotten me rich. Do the opposite. Live with your parents. Do this until you or they can no longer stand the sight of them or you…they or I? Whatever. You get the picture. If you live with your parents the odds are that even if you have to pay rent it will be much cheaper than rent or a house payment elsewhere. Also, where else can you live that someone will pick up your crap, cook you meals and do your laundry? I’ll tell you where: the mansion you will be living in when you are RICH!!!

Jail – I have never been in jail. Nor have I ever been arrested. Some will tell you that having a criminal record can haunt you for the rest of your life. I’m skeptical. Never having been in jail has not gotten me rich. Maybe you should try it. Think it through, though. If you are going to commit a crime do it intelligently. Rob a bank. It’s the perfect fit for the Get Rich Quick situation because it is a no-lose crime. Look at both possible outcomes.

You rob the bank and get away with it. BINGO!! You are rich. Man, that happened fast!! It doesn’t get much quicker than 30 seconds of furious, gun-toting mahem, does it?

You rob the bank and go to jail. Okay, so you don’t have the money from the bank. That’s alright because you ended up in the pokey. Getting thrown in the hooscow was your goal anyway. Congratulations. Now that you are in The Big House just wait for the quick riches to come crashing down upon you. Like I said before: going to jail has got to be one of the ways to get rich quickly because I never did it and I am not rich. Let me know how that works out for you.

That’s about it for now. At the moment I can’t think of any other choices I have made where I foolishly left the path to getting rich. I really hope this advice works for you. If it does, or even if it doesn’t, please remember to donate to my charity, the Save the Cordy Fund. As I mentioned previously, contact me for payment details. If you can’t send cash please feel free to send gifts that can be returned to a local store or sold on Craigslist for cash.