Since this touches on a number of topics I may cover as we go, I decided to address this right up front. So what is “normal” when it comes to sexual fantasies?

Anything. Seriously, anything. I said everything was okay as long as you were comfortable with it, right? Well, in fantasy you can go even further and play with things you may well not be comfortable with in real life. Which is the important thing to focus on in this study, no matter how poorly worded it is. If you think the things that get you aroused are odd or weird or perverse, you just need to remember you’re not the only one who likes them; just because you like to watch things or read things that seem out of the ordinary, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.

Fantasy is a safe zone. It can take you away to a different place where you feel safer and bolder than you are in real life. It can let you investigate things that intrigue you but that you would find too intimidating to try. Fantasies of dominance, submission, bondage and discipline are far more common than you think. It may mean this is something that speaks to a deeper part of you, but that part may be well served by reading a hot erotic novel or some fanfic and then letting your partner reap the benefits of your fantasies without ever having to indulge them.

It may also be a way to dip your toe in the water of something that secretly excites you but scares the living hell out of you too. A way of pushing your own boundaries safely, without external pressures. If there is one thing I keep coming back to it’s that your sexuality should always be under your control, even if you’re relinquishing it by choice.

So if sex is how adults play, fantasy is the indoor playground you visit on rainy days. A place to try something different on for size. You may find you like it or you may find you hate it, but because it’s all within the realm of your own mind, there is never any harm done.