This site is about my own coming to grips with gender identity, things that interest me, and plots of cetaceans such as porpoises to take over the world.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

A bad peace

And another rainy, cool October day passes for me. It's been like this for the last week or so and I've been finding it harder to get out of bed as the days progress. Cloudy, drizzly days make you want to sleep longer. Nothing new here, it's simply basic biology as far as I know.

If you know anything about me personally, which I can only assume most of you don't, you'll know that one of my interests apart from what I mention here is in fact Roman History. It was my favorite Roman historian, Tacitus, who said “A bad peace is not better than war.”

As quotes go, this one does not require a lot of interpretation or deep thought It's obvious. How do we apply it to our own lives, though? For someone serving in the military it's fairly obvious. I'd rather have freedom than succumb to certain other cultures in the globe, but I want to talk about it on a more personal level.

I could have accepted a bad peace and never started this blog or even admit to myself what existed inside of me. It was my spirit crying out about the pain it felt being in this body. I could have and still can have accepted it quietly and lived out the rest of my life as a fairly unhappy and somewhat miserable person. I'd have peace, but not a good peace.

Instead, I am choosing to confront in for the first time in my life. I've accepted what amounts to a sort of internal war hoping that it leads to a better, more comfortable peace for myself. In another way, I guess you could say it's merely facing down a personal demon.

Either way, whether it's a personal war we fight or facing down a demon, we're accepting something other than the bad peace we've lived with. Why accept a bad peace when you do not have to?