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A blog about my battle with OCD and depression

I’m worried about my Mum

I’m really worried about my Mum. She’s an amazing person. Her and my Dad were made for each other. She’s also the greatest Mum in the world and my best friend. There isn’t a person on this planet who has been more supportive with my OCD, anxiety and depression and without her, I’d probably be in a much darker place.

Which is why I’m really concerned about her. No two bones about it, this year has been especially tough on her. Hell, it has been pretty bad for all of us. This year, I lost a very dear Uncle to cancer. He had a long fight with it and some major ups and downs. Then last November, he told us there was nothing they could do. In January he passed away. The two of them were very close. We spoke every day. She pretty much helped bring him up and their birthdays are literally next to each other. Losing my Uncle was just the biggest shock to my family and one that I doubt we will ever truly recover from. She also has to deal with a lot. She’s the engine of the family. And you know, if it wasn’t for her, I’m not sure how much would get done. My brother being autistic can be hard work, especially since he’s non-communicative. And me, well, with my OCD being what it is and my other health issues that I’m having, I have not been easy on her either. I feel pretty guilty about that and hate that I’m adding extra pressure on her. Believe me, I would love nothing more than to snap out of it and I’m always trying new things to help but it’s a tough process.

Anyway, Christmas is on the way and all of us can’t get into the Christmas spirit, my Mum especially. She is very down and it’s so sad to see. She’s usually very excited about Christmas but it’s so understandable. She lost her Mum this time of year and now with memories of my Uncle too, it’s just too much. Yet she struggles on. And she looks unwell. She looks washed out and ends every day tired. She’s also losing weight because she’s not eating much, which worries me too. I want to do more to help her but my OCD gets in the way so much that it frustrates me terribly and I hate seeing her like this. I would love to wake up tomorrow obviously and my OCD to be gone. It would be the best thing in the world for everyone. Being freaked out by contamination is horrible and every day is a struggle. But I need to help my Mum.

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10 thoughts on “I’m worried about my Mum”

I’m very sorry, David. I can just imagine all that your family has had to go through.

But as I read this post I was actually touched by the deep love and care you have for your mother. I know you feel like some things about you are a ‘burden’ to her, but believe me…you are not. Whether you know it or not, in your own way you are taking care of her.

Thanks Phoebe, that’s very kind of you to say. My parents and all my family mean so much to me and I hate seeing any of them suffer. I just really wish I could make things easier. Tonight, I just tried my best to do as much as I could to help her so she could go rest. I wish there was more I could do but I’ll continue to try.

You know something? The majority of my childhood memories consist of worrying over my mother and wishing she wouldn’t be sad (she also went through a lot when I was growing up). I remember spending all my time and effort thinking of little things to do for her that I hoped would make her happy. Of course I’m not going to presume I know how you feel, but I can imagine how difficult and heartbreaking it is to witness someone you love not doing well and wishing you could do more for them.

Shelia’s thoughts..hmm don’t label yourself with these words people use about the things that make us different. No two people are the same, do you know that most people have anxiety about something, and that like nearly all of Americans suffer from depression. you are not alone my friend. And all you can do for your mum is be there for her, if she needs a shoulder give her one, if she needs space give her that too. We all have our own ways of dealing with sadness and loss. Stop being so hard on yourself- you are not your “diagnosis” you are a unique person like everyone else. Hugs- your new friend- Shelia