preparing for whatever life throws at me… All through my wild days, my mad existence

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Monthly Archives: August 2014

Why do we only have 1 life? Why can’t we have several lives?
You know.. in case of something terrible happen and you can’t get yourself out of it. In case you kinda lost yourself somewhere and you just can’t pull yourself together. In case you forgot how to be a human. In case you don’t understand what you’re feeling.

I was so distant with everyone I used to cry myself to sleep
It felt good.. Crying myself to sleep is one of my favorite things to do
I did that a lot.. to the point of being sick of crying.
I wrote somewhere in my old blog that crying doesn’t make you stronger, it makes you weaker.
I was right, right?

I grew up with no concern of being hurt or anything
I grew up forgetting and avoiding painful memories
I grew up struggling with my anxiety which nobody knows
I grew up worrying if I would ever be good enough
I grew up trying to bury my past and present
I grew up building my walls

It was all good
I was safe from everyone..
No one could hurt me anymore
No one could make feel left out anymore

so I learned how to push people
I learned how to blame people
I learned how to accept things without asking anything
I learned how to shut my mouth
I learned how to break inside without telling anyone
I learned how to struggle quietly
I learned how to be strong on the outside so no one will mess with me
I learned how to disguise feelings
I learned how to fake smiles
I learned how to make up stories
I learned how to sugar-coat my worries
I learned how to forget things
I learned how to ignore things
I learned how to numb myself
I learned that no one will always be there for me
I learned that nothing in this world is easy
I learned how to be alone
I learned how to survive alone