The “Big Brother” houseguests were all smiles three weeks ago at the beginning of the season. That was before Aaryn Gries and other contestants created controversy outside the house because of their use of racial and anti-gay slurs. less

The “Big Brother” houseguests were all smiles three weeks ago at the beginning of the season. That was before Aaryn Gries and other contestants created controversy outside the house because of their use of ... more

Controversial “Big Brother” contestant Aaryn Gries, back home in San Marcos a month after the CBS show ended, said Friday that she was shocked when she realized how seriously her trash talk inside the house had been taken by the world outside.

“It's probably the worst moment of my entire life so far,” Gries said by phone.

When she exited the Big Brother house to boos from the studio audience and was grilled by Julie Chen about comments she made toward fellow contestants that were interpreted as racist and homophobic, “it really opened up my eyes and shocked me,” Gries said.

“I didn't realize how serious the things that I said had been taken up until that point,” she said. “It was really hard for me because I don't have any hate in my heart for any specific race or sexuality. It's really difficult to defend yourself — especially when you said things that were horrible.”

Among other remarks, Gries, 23, used a slur on an openly gay contestant and stereotyped an Asian American contestant.

The offenses committed by her and other members of the “Big Brother” household made national headlines.

The excuse she initially gave to Chen, that “in Texas, we say things and sometimes we joke and we don't mean it,” was wrong, as well, Gries added.

“I was raised on a ranch by a very old-fashioned family,” she said. “But what happened around me doesn't represent everything around Texas.”

Friends and family — including her mom in Colorado and her dad, who lives near Del Rio in the small town of Pandale — have been very supportive.

“My dad said (the experience) changed me. He feels I'm 10 years older since I got out of the house,” Gries said.

Still, she said, “I've been in and out of depression since the whole thing happened. ... I'm not a racist in any way, but I know I said things that were insensitive and mean.”

Gries' remarks not only sparked outrage during “Big Brother's” run, they led to real-life consequences. She was dropped by a Texas modeling agency, and a student group at Texas State University wanted her punished.

She said she wasn't too concerned about the loss of her modeling contract.

“I'm just a college student,” she noted. “Modeling was just something I did on the side.”

Gries has traveled since the show ended, to Las Vegas, New Mexico and Virginia — where she met her current beau, a Marine. People she's encountered who recognized her from “Big Brother” treated her well.

“Some have asked for pictures,” she said. “No one said anything negative. People may talk bad about you online, but when they come up to you and meet you in person, they're nice.”

She's not sure what she'll do next: return to Texas State University in January or finish her fourth year of college via courses online.

On the professional front, she said her representatives at Integrated PR in Los Angeles are putting together a hosting reel for possible TV jobs. She also mentioned two interviews lined up for November: for a role in a miniseries and a small part in a feature film.

“I don't know the details yet,” she said.

What she really wants is “to travel around the world, experience different cultures,” she said, “become more well-rounded. ... I've clearly been living in a bubble, and I need to change that.”

One thing that's definite, she said; “I'm doing everything I can to change my actions and those of people around me. When I hear anyone talking like that, I correct them immediately.”

When she's attacked on Twitter with “so much hate,” it can get “really overwhelming,” she added. But she's determined to be strong and face the world head-on.

“I'm not scared of going to Texas State. I'm not scared of showing my face anywhere. I'm doing what I can and owning up to my mistakes, and I'm not going to hide from them.”