Adjusting her tiara, Her Royal Highness explained that it had taken her “years” to get rid of King Donald’s current Queen, Melania of Slovenia — herself a third-rate porn princess with a mere Baron for a son — having successfully driven her away from the White House.

Ivanka’s own mother, Ivana, and “that little usurper Marla,” she noted, were also finally “gone, gone, gone!” HRH added that she damn well wasn’t giving up now.

“Bimbo Blondi is just his bloody type,” she fumed, displaying her famous father’s flair for alliteration and insulting adjectives. “Blonde, young, and bitchin bazookas! She’s a Trump Ten, alright.”

Princess Ivanka went on: “The bubble-butt bitch even loves having her pussy grabbed, or at least you’d think so from the giggles in his office when they’re alone.”

However, the Princess predicted, “Pussy Pammy” won’t be around for very long.

“They never are,” she smirked, drying her tears. “All I have to do is lift his rug and whisper: ‘Imagine me in Playboy, Daddy,’ and he cums immediately.