CLAIM: George Clooney Says He’s “Dying” In Order To Avoid Marrying Stacy Keibler

“George Clooney would rather be fitted for a noose than a wedding band — so he’s come up with an incredible new way to weasel out of marriage,” says the National Enquirer.

Oh?

The tabloid says Clooney is now “telling girlfriend Stacy Keibler he doesn’t have long to live” and that “he’s dying!”

Wait. What?!

According to sources for the Enquirer, Clooney “insists he’s falling apart from a variety of ailments, including recurring bouts of malaria.”

“George says his body has been so beat up by a host of accidents and maladies over the years that he’d make a terrible husband and dad,” a so-called “insider” tells the magazine.

The Enquirer source reports, “But Stacy’s not buying it. She thinks he’s just playing the sympathy card so she’ll feel sorry for him and won’t press him to tie the knot.”

As evidence of Clooney’s alleged health issues, the magazine brings up his on-set injury from Syriana (eight years ago) and the malaria he contracted while doing humanitarian work in the Sudan nearly two years ago.

“Even though Stacy’s not happy about it, she understands that George’s biggest problem is a terminal case of wedding bell phobia,” says the Enquirer.

What a bizarre, completely manufactured rumor, seemingly written just to get “Clooney” and “dying” in the same headline.