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Everyone is different with regard to how things will go for them following gastric bypass surgery. And today’s post op lesson is all about how you should do what you’re told with regard to your body and the nutrition you require.

I struggled with what to eat, and as an option to conquer the fear of new foods and what they might do to me, I decided to eat only chicken noodle soup. Yep, that was it. I got up each morning, had coffee, then for lunch and dinner, I ate a bowl of chicken noodle soup.

If you do the math, the calories amount to something like “Did you live in Ethiopia?” or “You know anorexia is dangerous, right?” I don’t think I ever had a day where I went over about 400 calories – until I started putting crackers in my soup.

So here’s basically what happens when you don’t do what you’re told.

Your hair is going to fall out. In big clumps. It will feel like something is running down your back when you stand in the shower, and your plumber will become your new best friend, as he shows off the new Mercedes your clogged drain has allowed him to buy.

I didn't color my hair for fear I'd be bald afterwards.

Your nails will become brittle. And by brittle, I mean Sally Hansen will call you and tell you to stop using her Hard As Nails because you are bad advertising for her product. On the other hand, your nail salon owner will become your new best friend, as she shows off the new Mercedes your frequent trips to the salon have allowed her to buy.

Your skin will become dry and lack color. People will call you Elvira (for those of you too young to remember her, it’s what vampires looked like before they were all sparkly), and they will tell you to get your pasty white arse to the tanning salon.

Why Yes, Those Are Painfully Small Wrists

You will lack energy. Monday Night Football will become a distant memory, and the Late Night Movie for you will now be the one that starts at 4 PM.

Eventually, in my case, when my hair was so dry and crunchy you could use it to jump start the fire in your fireplace, my friends held an intervention and made me eat a banana. At some point in this series, I will tell you where that led to, but at the time, just eating a bite of a banana was horrifying to me. And the sugar in it made my face hot and flush. And it was an awful feeling. But I did it.

So, let’s recap. Protein – remember that ugly little word? Yeah, instead of making your plumber and nail salon owner your best friend, make it protein. Vitamins – you need them. Remember when I mentioned how little of what your body needs is going to come from your food? Yeah, that means you need to take vitamins. And I don’t mean a Flintstone chewable. Quality food. Eat good proteins first, veggies second, and skip the slider foods. We’ll talk more about that next week.