Nicki got a Bitch Coach

Last fall, when the Mimi vs Nicki Minaj drama first blew up during American Idol auditions, I wrote that Mimi was outplaying Nicki and that Nicki needed a proper Bitch Coach. Click here for a refresher. You can’t lose your sh-t on Twitter and win against the Mimi. Mimi is a veteran bitch. Mimi’s dealt with Jennifer Lopez and Whitney Houston and Eminem and she deals with herself every single day. Nicki was coming at it the right way.

But now...something’s changed.

First of all, on appearance, as my friend Lorella recently noted, Nicki looks like she’s either cleansed or cardioed herself lean. To be healthier, sure, of course, of course. But also, you know Mimi. Mimi expected to be the lone woman on the panel. And Mimi has her sides and angles. How do you think Mimi will deal having to sit on a panel with not only another woman, but another woman who is THINNER?

Please. How happy are you right now? You cannot wait for the best show in the history in television, right?

There’s more.

Nicki was on Ellen this week. It’s a very, very good interview. She’s hired a very good Bitch Coach. And it’s instant improvement. She doesn’t seem like she’s forcing it. She’s natural. She’s funny. She isn’t trying to be perfect. She acknowledges that she was impulsive and confrontational. She candidly asks the audience to give her a chance, to not write her off as crazy. And then...on the subject of Mimi...

“I love Mariah. She’s a legend. My mother and I used to watch Mariah when I was growing up.”

She dropped that line last week at TCA and Mimi VISIBLY bristled. Her savvy Bitch Coach would have noticed and told her to keep going there. Smart. Show respect outwardly in a way that you can’t be criticised, even though how you really mean it is to tell Mimi she’s OLD. And at the same time own your own mistakes and shortcomings. And be fun. And funny...

Not bad, Nicki Minaj. Not bad.

But this is wonderful, isn’t it?

Because if Nicki keeps this up, by the time we get to the live show, Mimi will be practically deranged. She’s already so busy trying to only be shot on one side -- see the INCREDIBLE video below -- and sucking in her stomach and convincing people she’s a nice princess, I don’t know how she’ll manage if Nicki comes at her with a much more sophisticated game. Get ready for the greatest happiness you might ever experience.