Friday, January 14, 2011

Grand Mystery

And really, it’s probably a much deeper quote than this post really calls for.But I’m still sticking with it, just cause I like it and it works as my opening line.

After taking my holiday “blog” break, something I refuse to give up because, since my oldest son has been back in my life, I really need to enjoy that time without the ups and downs of adoption, I was all prepared to jump back in with a piece I’ve worked on for the last couple days in response to a comment left on my last entry, We Bleed Too.

But my writing was interrupted by my youngest son . . . who recently had his amazing wedding reception back in September . . . who, with his new wife, dared the slippery, snowy streets to come by and share his news . . .

My daughter-in-law is pregnant.I’m going to be a Grandma!

(And for those of you who know me on Facebook, please keep this news quiet there for the time being since my son wants to be the one to let the family know and since there is an onslaught of our family on Facebook, I have to keep mum about the news until he’s shared it or it will spread like a virus.Especially since I have a wonderful, over-protective uncle who goes into a frenzy and shoots off emails to every other family member anytime something remotely interesting is posted on Facebook.)

But . . . back to the whole life and mysterious ways . . .

The post I was working on, and completely discarded after learning the news, made me think of how very much my son and his new wife could be seen, by others in different circles, as new “prey” for the adoption industry.

To them, they would have all the strikes against them.

They’re still young and just barely married.They live in a modest home they are renting.My son works part time and is in college.His wife has just enrolled for her first semester of college that is set to start next week.

They don’t have a lot of money.They don’t have successful careers or the means to provide the very best of material goods for their expectant child.At this point in their lives, they can’t offer the fancy vacations or designer clothes for their little one.No fancy gates around their house.No high-class SUV to get them around.

They are, in the eyes of the adoption world, unfit and undeserving of the new life they have created.

But in my eyes, I see it all so much different.

I see a wonderful couple who will be amazing parents, not by the size of their checking accounts, or status of their careers, or style of their house, but by who they are as people.By the love they have for each other and the love their family has for them.

See, my boy, is going to be a great father.I know that, without doubt.I don’t care if my grandchild has little baby shoes with the Nike emblem on the side.It won’t bother me if he/shewon’t be able to celebrate their First Birthday at Disney World or be given the most high-tech baby products being pawned all over television.

Yes, my son and daughter-in-law will have to juggle work and school and raising a baby.But I did it.My son’s father (my husband) did it.Their grandparents did it.We did it and we made it work.Just like I know they will make it work.

And my husband and I, as the proud grandparents, will be there to help and support them.My son’s siblings, his two older brothers and younger sister, will be there too.Just as a family should be.One unit, working together, because we love each other and will never give up on any single member of our family.

I’ve never been known for a violent temper, but let just one person even suggest that my son or daughter-in-law aren’t good enough for their own child, that they are selfish for keeping their baby, that there are so many couples out there would could offer a better life, and there will be more violence in my temper than anyone has ever seen.

Let just one person pull what this person pulled, Predators and Prey and hand my daughter-in-law a card because she’s young and pregnant and they are desperately hoping to adopt.Let just one nurse or doctor even attempt to suggest they know “a couple” and there will be an anger unlike any I have ever known.

Because I’m going to be a Grandma and I’m going to cherish and love my grandchild with everything I have.And I don’t care that society views my son and daughter-in-law as too young, poor, or unsuccessful to be good parents.I don’t care if the adoption industry rhetoric has convinced the majority that my son and his wife are somehow “less loving” because they are going to keep and raise their child.

I care about that tiny life that will bless our lives in eight short months.I care about my son and my daughter-in-law.And I care about my family.Intact and whole and never again a victim to the terrible loss adoption causes so many.

And for the record, though I will keep dying my hair to keep away the gray and curse the wrinkles that multiply every morning when I look in the mirror, being a Grandmother is one of the greatest blessings I have ever known and I am going to be the best darn “Granny” I can possibly be.

Von, many adoptive parents are encouraged to hand out "hoping to adopt" cards to market themselves. A few years ago, such a thing made the news because a couple left such a card with their tip for their young, pregnant waitress, and it, rightfully so, pissed her off.

Congrats Cassi, WONDERFUL and exciting news.I was a very young mother with nothing much to my name. My son didn't need designer clothes. He needed the love and nurturing from us, his parents!I actually went to a free clinic that counseled young women trying to discourage them from aborting unwanted babies (b/c I couldn't afford a pregnancy test and theyoffered them free) and though I was then 19, young, newly married and poor, they NEVER once suggested that I consider giving up my baby for adoption. Never once.Surprising maybe? This was 16 years ago, no, almost 17 I guess as my son just turned 16.Anyway,while nothing will erase the pain inflicted on you in your lifetime, becoming a grandmother will bring such joy and blessings and I am so very genuinely happy for you!Blessings,Holly

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I was sixteen and pregnant. Frightened and so confused. I remember the pamphlet my school nurse handed me. Pregnant? Confused? We understand. We can help you decide which option is best for you and your baby. I needed that. An adult who would comfort me, help me and not judge. Blindly I walked into the adoption agency, seeking help, information, and my life was never the same. They used my age and my emotions for their own gain. Their offered comfort came with one agenda in mind - to make sure I chose adoption for my unborn baby. I walked in their doors as an unknowing, trusting child. I walked out as a battered mother who lost more than she could ever imagine.

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In order to drive a car you must be of a certain age, to drink you must be a certain age, to have your own credit card or even your own bank account without parent signatures you must be a certain age - yet government allows very young vulnerable single mothers to sign a legally-binding document handing over their own flesh-and-blood, another human life, to complete strangers.- Claudia Ganzon -