03 September 2016

In the last couple months, I have been making it a point to write everyday, or at least every couple days. Writing has been a consistent resistance I've experienced throughout my process, and well frankly it was causing consequences within myself, and so in my life. How you ask? Well with writing, it's a point of reflecting on who I am within my day to day living - introspecting and asking questions about why I do what I do, or where the thoughts I think come from - better understanding myself and how I function, and ultimately it's about taking self-responsibility for who I am.

I wasn't doing that. I was projecting a lot of blame, victimizing myself in relation to others and life circumstances, and essentially wallowing in self-pity. To me this was a consequence I was creating through not taking self-responsibility for myself through writing.

So I decided to start, and like I said, it's something I've been consistently working on the past couple of months. I noticed changes almost immediately. Much more stability within myself/my mind, and more clarity in seeing myself, my life, and those within it. Writing has a grounding effect, and I experienced myself back on my two feet - directly walking my process of self-change rather than allowing consequences to direct me.

One point that I noticed just the other day, that shows striking the effect writing can have on one's life is in relation to back chats.

What is back chats?

A back chat is basically the statements we make within our minds about someone, or about a situation - it's like the narrator within our mind making assumptions, accusations, and in my case, lot's and lot's of blame.

So this is what I noticed.... before I made the decision to start writing more consistently, I was experiencing a lot of back chat in relation to my partner, and how he exists within our environment. I would react to him not doing the dishes, or not putting them away... or for leaving a shirt on the couch. I was almost daily having back chats about the negligence of 'his behavior'. Though - since I started writing again, specifically within the starting point of taking SELF-responsibility... the back chats in relation to that particular point have completely vanished. I actually had forgot I was having those consistent back chats, until I remembered just the other day - noticing again what writing can do.

From my perspective - because I was busy taking responsibility for myself, which we have MORE than enough within our own minds to work with, I no longer had the time, or space to worry about what he was doing... because ultimately it's not my responsibility. My projected blame of him being neglectful and lazy in the house was simply me showing me that due to me not writing, or actively taking responsibility for myself as thoughts, words, and deeds, I was neglecting me, and really just being lazy about it. Writing doesn't take a lot of effort... only a decision to sit down and face yourself. And in doing so, the blame stopped, and self-understanding (which leads to understanding others) emerged.

So just wanted to share a little gem one can find in taking a step of self-support. With writing - in taking self-responsibility, the focus is removed from others, blame no longer exists, and self's responsibility stands as what actually matters. And so a reference for ourselves.... if we are constantly thinking about others, and what they are doing wrong, and how they are this, and that, and don't do this right, or questioning who they are and the decisions they make, it is CLEARLY indicating we are not taking self-responsibility.

So want to stop worrying and focusing so much about others? Start worrying and focusing on yourself... making sure that YOU are living to your utmost potential before you start blaming others for not living up to theirs.

01 September 2016

I recently had an incident with another at work wherein it triggered some fears, and reactions within me towards the idea that she was 'talking bad' about me to the other co-workers. Basically imagining her explaining a situation she had with me to others, and painting me in a bad light - or 'making me look bad' essentially.

What I realized within this was that my fear of her talking bad about me to others may in fact actually happen... after-all I do see the tendency of human behavior is to gossip, or talk about others behind their back. Especially if we have a moment with another where we have our own reactions towards them... we are very quick to go and tell others our story.

Though to react to this is useless because I have no control over others. I only have control over who I am, and through time, the impression of me that is real will stand and so it's not up to me to try and get others to like me, or to see me in a certain way, and prevent them from talking bad about me. I must show who I am through a living example... as my actions, behavior, and words give the impression, the actual reality of who I am.

So yes... people will probably gossip and talk negatively about me... that is a very real possibility, as I've seen it within myself, and in others. But that cannot phase me... that cannot define who I am. To care about that is to separate me from my own self-power which is within who I am and how I live.

So let them talk. I have no control over what 'they' do. My point of responsibility and focus is making sure I am not the one participating in the gossip... showing the example that there is another way to be that doesn't define someone based on one moment with them, and carry that past moment through our words of re-living our own discontent toward them as the behavior of gossip does. Gossip is an act of abdication - wherein we place responsibility onto another person, and essentially make them less than who we are within our own minds. It is no way to act, or treat another.

People will talk. That doesn't matter. Who I am in thought, word, and deed? That is what defines each individual.. that is what defines me. That is what matters.

So a little lesson in reflecting on my own fears of someone gossiping about me. I've participated in gossip in my life (hence the fear of another doing it to me). I still see others who participate in gossip - gossip currently is an accepted part of human behavior, and interaction. Though - I do not have to accept it within/as myself. And so that is where I stand - understanding that people may talk, but that does not define who I am; I do not have to fear it. And just as I would have done unto myself, I do not allow myself to define/belittle/bad mouth/judge others through gossip.

Stand in the face of this reality - and never allow it to move you from who you really are and from what is in fact best for all.