Friday, June 17, 2011

I always remind myself that I still love him no matter what his mistakes are....

If u think im patient, yes 75% of our time…but the rest??? Im sorry…

Im sure u knows how much it hurts when u’ve been cheated countless times and yet u still love him…

Why???

I always wondered why I did that???

But lastly I came up with my own conclusion…

“I did that bcoz I believe that the negative actions and bad decisions he made, were just the minor him…but the major him is angel…I love him…n I can accept both his major and his minor…n im hoping that he will change for good…”

Yeah…sigh….

13 months after his graduation…after countless lies came up…after countless chances I gave him…after millions of “I Love U” wishes we exchanged…n after tons of gallons of tears…

I called it QUIT…

Why???

I can’t handle it anymore…im tired of being the superwoman saving our relationship while he keeps on lying…

Real love doesn’t hurt at all…love has its own languages but pain, hurt aren’t one of them…

If only he changed, maybe im still with him…but nobody wants to be changed…except his / her free will…

He texted me, he said to me, that he will changed for good, changed for me…laugh is all I can do…he lost

my trust…n trust should be gained not given…but he blew all of his chances…

Ever since we broke up, I sometimes think that his next gf would be sooo damn lucky bcoz he’s already changed…n im just his experiment...hehe it’s good right…at least the experiment succeed…

If love = pain, I would not dare to fall in love again…

Consider to fall in love? – Maybe…

Letting go? – Yes…

People sometimes refer those who heartbroken as “people who close their heart’s door, locked it up, n threw away the key…so that someone will find the key n open the door for them someday…”

#Love is a friendship on fire…every couple should be able to balance friendship and romance and thus their relationship will last..my x n I still friends…we sometimes texted each other…but we r not on fire…we’re just on friendship…love supposed to end well…but mostly love ends with matrimony…but this particular love of mine is also ended up well eventhough not in a matrimony but in friendship…cheers…

# for those who read my post from part 1 till part 5, thank u so much…J….next week another episodes bout me coming up…

N days later, he finally gave me, after I convinced him that I will not hurt her…

I am a girl…I will not hurting another girl…bcoz for me, hurting another girl is as equal as hurting myself…so I won’t let myself hurt…

Thus, I text the girl, asking for her permission to call…

She said yes…n I called…

We were on the phone for almost an hour…

We knew the truth…

It hurts so bad…so damn bad…

She said she wanna let him go for me…n I said “don’t be la…im the bf-snatcher here…so u stay…”

N she replied “i will let him go for u…u r a bf-snatcher…plz don’t do like this again…u never know that one

day your husband will be like him…”

I can accept if it’s my bf…but my husband??? I don’t think I can…

I start n end the conversation without hurting anyone…I even apologized to the other girl…it wasn’t my intention to take her bf away…

I let my bf decide again…I let him talked to the other girl…im not pushing him to choose me…

I did say to him that if he chooses me, I will not be like afen-ur-gf before…I lost my trust to him…he was totally losing it…

But 1 thing that isn’t lost is - I still love him…which I didn’t told him that time…

N once again – he chose me…

# the truth is out there n yet to be found…n once again our relationship is being tested…c u all on part 5…

# when ur relationship being tested like this, do stay calm…I know that it’s hurt…but always stay calm…u never know what ur calm can do to you…people always says “peace no war…”…so if u wanna confront the other girl, pls do it peacefully…it is easier for u two to talk…besides, u do this for your love…not for yourself…bcoz love consists of two person, not you alone…if u r called a bf-snatcher, don’t give a damn about that…don’t get mad…just admit…n if u r wrong, just say sorry…

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

N most important is – I don’t want my relationship to be blossom from someone else’s happiness…

Since I wanted to be with him – do I have a choice??

I talked to him n asked him what do he want??...

I am sure that the other girl also fights for her love…but it’s nothing compare to what he might decide…

So im not thinking more on the other girl…bcoz I let him to choose…

Hours later…

I am really, really, really sorry to the other girl…

Coz he chose me…

U knows how happy I am when he finally chose me??? It feels just like heaven…

But 7 months later…I can’t dry up my tears…

# What comes next??? I’ll continue it on my next post…

# when u love someone, all u can think of is he/she, right??...when u sleep u’ll think of him/her…when u wakes up, u’ll think of him/her…u went to class with him/her…u went to cinema with him/her…u wanna eat with him…all u do is to be with him/her 24/7…when there is an obstacle, u’ll automatically find a solution and fight…u let ur love decide...if u face with this kind of situation, then don’t confront the other girl…why?? bcoz it shows ur weakness n u let yourself lose while the other girl wins…all u have to do is stay calm and don’t give too much pressure on ur man while he’s doing his work – his decision making part is more important than to know who is the other girl…so do remember y’all, stay calm, don’t be pushy n respect your other half…

At that time, im not sure what im gonna do…I feel like crying but have no tears…

I regretted the moment I said I will be his friend…coz he’s not a friend I wish I have…

I regretted the moment we arrange the first meeting…coz it makes me hates the place…

I regretted the moment I said I like him…coz it’s so damn embarrassed…

I regretted the moment I texted or said I love him…coz he don’t deserve that…

But…I am not and will not regret the time I spent with him…

Bcoz I like the way I feel whenever im with him…

So what did I do next???

I fight….I fight for my love….I fight for me…and I fight for us…

This is so damn hard for me to handle…but I have to…he’s my boyfriend n I love him…

N I wondered if I ever succeed….

# To be continued…

# When u encounter with this kind of situation in your relationship, u have to ask yourself…what do you want???...what do you want???...what do you want???...if u want to be with him, then u have to fight…fight until u have him…fight until u succeed…if u want to be with him but u didn’t have the guts to fight, then u have to question yourself if u love him or not???...

Less than two years ago, a man texted me….”will u b my friend?”….n I replied “yeah, sure, no prob…”…

He texted me…I texted him back…he called me…I called him back…one day, we arranged a meeting….n we met…

He’s handsome…a murut + Chinese guy…taller than me…n also a student…

Then, 1 day, I told him that I like him… (n I forgot what else did I said to him that night…huhu)…

Im not really a type of girl who will be the first to say “I like you” to a man…but I did…bcoz i like him…at first I was shy…I was afraid that he might not have the same feeling with mine…n I was way too scared of rejection…

He took a few minutes to give me his response…

I thought that his silence means denial…

But then, he said he likes me too…

N from that day onwards…we r officially a couple…

# for those who’s still aching by liking someone and not doing anything about it…go tell them, forget your fear, n go fall in love…u have to push yourself…worst thing can happen when u tell but an amazing thing will also happen when you tell…if he or she doesn’t feel the same way then don’t be worry…at least u feel damn awesome about telling he or she how special they are to you…n it will be amazing if everything goes well…n one thing to remember though, everybody hurts someday, the feeling by the thought of losing he or she is as awful as not having he or she at all…so, go tell them!!!!! Im crossing my fingers for you…

# my story n advice will be continue on my coming post….so see y’all later….