Friday, December 23, 2011

Learning From Moments

"Feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we're holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we'd rather collapse and back away. they're like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we're stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it's with us wherever we are." - Pema Chödrön

Being the vulnerable and sensitive person that I am, I don't assume it comes as any surprise that I like this quote. This quote spins a new perception on 'feelings' (for want of a better word - I understand many people don't like showing and/or talking about it) that I have not yet come across before.

I suppose I wear my heart on my sleeve; even though I've inherited the selfish and hypocritical quality that says I am not a fan of people who do in public. (Apologies if you fall into this category). I try to keep the majority of "bad" feelings to myself and leave the "good" feelings out in the open. And if one feels happy and joyous, one should be able to walk around feeling like they are on top of the world. The cheeriness spreads like a disease everyone should catch, and no one is likely to be harmed if doing so.

But as always feelings and the moments they spawn out of are two-fold. Those terrible feelings like disappointment, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear are all indicative of our insecurities. I, for one, keep these emotions bottled up inside until it manifests itself into some grotesque creature within me. I suppose it is due to the perception of being vulnerable. And when one is vulnerable there's the awful possibility of being a failure. But instead of feeling like a failure, why don't I choose to learn from the moment? I know I do not handle bad situations well; I expect everything to go according to plan (well, the plan in my head) and when it doesn't, I react badly. With no surprise, it is one of the traits of my personality that I need to work on a fair bit. Perk up and listen to the feelings - learn, reflect and utilise these emotions for positive reasons instead of playing the victim.