I love to read. Since elementary school books have taken me to amazing places. So when I became a mom I was certain I’d pass this love of books onto my kids. My late-husband was the same way. He even went to so far as to think through whether our firstborn son’s name would sound good as an author, “J.S. Buell? Yeah, I can see that on a dust cover.”

I have four amazing kids. Each one is unique and gifted in his or her own way. When it comes to reading, only one of them seemed to excel at it on his own. My first born took to reading like a pro. But three of them, for one reason or another, struggled with it. My youngest didn’t mind it but hated that it didn’t come easy. So this week when I awoke to find her up on a summer morning, without the TV on, curled up with a new book, my heart soared.

This wasn’t something I could force on her. I could push her and schedule reading time, but until it clicked, it just wasn’t something she wanted to do. It was a battle and I didn’t want to make reading a battleground. I could provide space and tools but as much as I wanted, I couldn’t magically fix her struggle with reading.

None of us knows for certain what the future holds for our child. But trusting God with your child’s future bumps up a whole ‘nother level when you have a child with special needs.

It’s been over a decade since we attended the autism family camp here. It was an interesting experience. There were other families with kids at various points on the autism spectrum. Though there were some similarities, some common things we experienced, each kid on the autism spectrum is unique.

This camp was really just an overnight experience for families in the community, put on by the local chapter of the Autism Society. There was some socializing to help us connect and then some sessions or mini-seminars on a variety of topics. The speakers were from local organizations that offered resources to families. There was a lot of useful, helpful stuff gleaned from them.

One seminar, however, knocked the wind right out of me. I don’t even remember what the whole thing was about. I only remember the moment when the speaker started talking about the need to get legal guardianship for your child before they turned 18.

How do you trust God with your children when you get news that is unimaginable? Does he love us? Does he work all things for our good? If those things are true, then God can be trusted even when something is wrong with our child.

Walking into the building brought back so many feelings. The smells, the colors, the smiles from friendly staff, it all washed over me with a wave of memories. A smile crept onto my face. This was a place where miracles happened for me.

My kids and I had gone with Lucy for her first stress test. Her pediatric cardiologists had asked for her to do one around the time she turned 9 so they could see how her repaired heart functions under stress. They’ll know what “normal” looks like for her.

Lucy is my miracle baby. That’s her above, days before she had open-heart surgery at only 5-days-old. They lost her twice on the operating table when they tried to get the repaired heart going. And yet on this summer day she marched into this hospital full of life and energy, ready to take on the challenge of a stress test like she takes on most new things in life. There’s a reason we call her “Fearless Lucy.”