Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White
House from a trip to Arkansas with a pig
under each arm. A secret serviceman greeted him.
"Nice pigs, sir!"
"Thank you. Though these are no ordinary pigs
--they're Arkansas Razorbacks! I got one
for Hillary and one for Chelsea."
"Nice trade, sir!"

A parrot was in a pet shop with a string
attached to each leg when a man walked in
looking to buy a pet. A shopkeeper came
over and started to try and sell him a
dog when the man noticed the parrot.
He asked what the strings were for and
the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you
pull the right string the parrot says,
'Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the
left string it says, 'my name's Sam'".
The man being of the inquisitive nature
tried both and thought it was really neat,
but was still curious. So he asked what
would happen if he pulled both strings,
the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the
perch you idiot!!!"