My best advice to the single and married, alike

Every week for the past ten years, I’ve received at least one or two emails asking me for marriage or relationship advice.

And while there are thousands of books out there on the topic — and a thousand more reasons why women struggle in their relationships — I’ve found that what has most helped my marriage of 28 years — and thousands of other marriages and relationships as well — is best summarized in my book, When a Woman Inspires Her Husband:

“The quickest way to run your marriage into the ground is to expect your husband to be God in your life — to fill your every need, to know what you’re thinking and feeling and be able to respond accordingly, to be your joy, to be your all-in-all. He is a man. He is not able to be all of that for you. He is human, and that means he has weaknesses and will let you down at times. Finally, he is a sinner (as all of us are), and that means he will disappoint you, anger you, and even hurt you more times than he or you would like. So don’t look to your husband to be God in your life, or to fulfill your every need. Instead, look to God as your spiritual husband(Isaiah 54:5-6).

“God’s Word frequently uses the marriage relationship to illustrate God as our husband. God desires to be a husband to us and have us respond, in return, as we would respond to a husband — to forsake all other gods and love only Him, to respect Him, to dwell intimately with Him, to look to Him for our provision, and so on. There is nothing that will free up your husband to love you more than taking your emotional expectations off of him and leaving them with God. Your husband can then love you in the best way he is able, without feeling he has an impossible task in front of him. (For an in-depth look at this subject, see my book, Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs.)”

Whether we are married or not, as we look to God first to fill our emotional tank, we will find we are more able and stable to deal with whatever comes our way. And that makes us more appealing women to be around.

It’s been said that a woman should be so deeply immersed in God that a man has to seek Him in order to find her.

Immerse yourself in Him this week. And watch the benefits of it in your relationships.

Cindi McMenamin is an award-winning author and national speaker who helps women find strength for the soul. She has nearly 30 years experience ministering to women and inspiring them to let God meet their emotional needs, grow stronger through their alone times, and pursue their dreams with boldness.

9 Comments

I give thanks to God for your advice, it is a blessing for me to be able to read and grasp this , because I really struggle a lot in my marriage but this advice gives me hope once again . God bless you

Thank you, Lydia, for calling me out on something that sounds rather vague, so I can make sure my readers understand it. We immerse ourselves in the Lord just like we would when we want to get to know another person more intimately. First, spend time in God’s Word. Start in the Psalms, which are songs of praise, desperation, confession, bewilderment. The Psalms in Scripture speak to our emotions and I’ve found that pouring over them brings us into a love relationship with God where He is foremost on our minds. Secondly, spend time talking with God throughout your day. But don’t just talk get quiet enough to listen as He begins to speak to your heart. (For more on this see my books “Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs” and “God’s Whispers to a Woman’s Heart.” I also have some free downloadable articles on my website about discerning God’s voice. (See “Articles of Encouragement” page and skim through the topics.) Finally, incorporate worship into your day. As you begin thanking and praising God for Who He is (which you discover in the Psalms of Scripture) He will become more and more the delight of your heart (Psalm 37:4) and you will find yourself “immersed” in Him. Thank you for asking such a great question. 🙂

I can’t believe your advices are the perfect advices I needed to hear. I have been struggling with my partner for years. I tried every it works for a few days. Today, I decide to let God takes control of things. I start to doing research on how to get more closer to God again and I link to your site. Thank so much!