Millennial Asks for Raise Like She Some Kind of Goddamn Valued Employee

Noting that she had been putting in long hours at the company for years without so much as a promotion or medical benefits, a local millennial asked her boss for a raise as if she were “some kind of goddamn valued employee.”

“Really, I’d be happy with the bare minimum salary needed to cover my cost of living, and maybe some basic insurance coverage,” said April Howard. “I still don’t have any dental coverage, and I really don’t want one of my six roommates to do my next root canal again.”

Her supervisor, however, says he is not buying it.

“Who does she think she is that she can just come in here and have an honest conversation about how her compensation should reflect her performance?” asked manager Gary Adkins. “The gall on her!”

Adkins went on to question what the state of the job market would become if employees were allowed to have candid discussions with their employers about providing the basic essentials for sustaining life in exchange for their labor.

“As if I couldn’t just fire her on the spot and replace her with one of the thousand other miserable twenty-somethings lining up to be underpaid and treated like feudal serfs,” said Adkins. “Heck, I might even do that just for fun!”