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Funny the way life works. During the first few weeks of class, seeing Chad became the highlight of my day. When he sat near me, my heart came close to leaping from my chest and when he spoke to me, my stomach did somersaults. In the four weeks following our private study session, however, my feelings had done a complete 180. Sure, I was still attracted to him, but I had begun to doubt anything would develop between the two of us. I dreaded having to see him in class and having him sit next to me because I just knew he'd begin putting all the clues together-my almost constant stammering in his presence, the way my hands would "accidentally" brush against his, the way I would sweat and redden with him so near-and that would be the end of our relationship (if you could even call it a relationship). I took extra care not to let any of my body parts brush against any of his, and I apologized quickly if any of them ever did. I also tried to talk to him as little as possible without seeming rude and kept my head slightly lowered.

I'm pretty sure he thought something was up, but he didn't say anything about it.

About three weeks after our first test, the time came to cover the chapter on child birth. This, of course, meant watching one of those "The Miracle of Life" videos. The really, really graphic ones. While my classmates squealed in disgust of seeing a vaginal delivery (shot from the front, mind you), I slowly moved to scratch my thigh. Guess whose thigh got in the way.

God! What is wrong with me? I asked myself. Shifting in my seat, my elbow brushed against his arm. Again, I winced inwardly hoping he hadn't noticed. Next to me, Tony was snickering softly at the entire ordeal. "Glad to know you get such pleasure from my pain," I muttered to him as quietly as I could."

"Well you have to admit it's humourous."

"What is?" I demanded in a hushed voice. "That fact that I can't even move without worrying he may think I'm molesting him?"

"No," he said smirking, "the fact that you're worrying over something so idiotic. If he didn't notice you're constant groping before, what makes you think he will now?"

I chose not to respond and instead turned my attention to the video, only to instantly turn away again. Vagina. Ew.

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"Well, that was thoroughly disgusting," Tony proclaimed to me after class. Jade, who was pushing past him rolled her eyes.

"It's the miracle of life! That's how you entered this world."

He grabbed her arm and stopped her. "We're still study partners for the next test, right?"He asked with a grin. The second test was scheduled for the following Friday, the day before we got out for spring break.

She slung her bookbag harshly over her shoulder knocking Tony slightly off balance. "Dream on, jackass," she muttered shoving through the crowd quickly.

"Yeah, she wants me," he affirmed. Pushing students in front of us to the side, he followed after her shouting for her to wait up.

"No offense, but he's weird." Chad had appeared next to me. I pushed down the blush that was slowing creeping over my face. "I mean, can't he take a hint?" He flashed me a grin. A sexy grin. I felt a "major swoon" moment coming on, but looked away and repressed it.

"Nah, he can. He just enjoys annoying people. It's his soul purpose in life."

"Oh." An uncomfortable silence settled between us and I assumed we would soon part ways. "Uh, so you excited about spring break?" Guess not.

Keeping my eye glued to my feet I replied, "Sure. You?"

"Yeah. Are you going somewhere?"

"Nope."

"Yeah, me neither. People seem to forget it's called spring break. I mean, it's like you're supposed to just rest, not run around partying and stuff," he pointed out with a small laugh.

"Mm-hm." Yet another lapse of silence. Awk-ward...

"Well," he began finally, "I wanted to talk to you about the next test. I was hoping we could study together again."

Another date with Mr. Goodbody? Ok, so technically it's a study date, but the word "date" is still in there. Only an ignoramus would refuse that.

"I don't know..."

Hello. My name is Brent and I am an ignoramus.

"The thing is," I tried to explain, "I kind of have this big project for another class and I have a partner I'm doing it with...I mean, I don't know when I'll have any free time and I don't want you to do badly on account of me."

"I can work around your project. I can get together whenever you're free."

I wrung my hands nervously. "No, I think it's better that we not do that. Maybe next time." I finally looked up at him. His eyes were so sullen, I almost gave in.

He bit his lip in thought. "Well, what if-"

I cut him off before I changed my mind. "I have to meet someone right now. See you on Friday?"

He opened his mouth to protest, but closed it and sighed disdainfully. "Yeah. Friday."

I swiftly took off to the University Center and I didn't look back.

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As I entered the UC, I could feel my body temperature lowering substantially. I'm not sure if that was due to the Arctic-level air conditioning or because Chad was no longer around me. Whatever the reason, I appreciatively wiped the last bit of sweat from my forehead as I scanned the cafeteria. I spotted Tony and Jade sharing a table near the Subway. Actually, from the looks Jade was giving him, I assumed Tony was merely intruding.

"Hey," I greeted as I slid into an empty chair.

"Hey, Brent," Tony acknowledge as he batted one of Jade's pigtails playfully. Her arm snapped up and slapped his hand away.

"Quit that!" she hissed. With her nostrils flaring, she continued scribbling furiously in a notebook. At that point Tony chose to focus his attention on me

"So what happened to you and Mr. Wonderful?"

I groaned folding my arms on the table. "Don't ask."

"That bad?"

I rested my chin atop my arms and stared at the table's patterns. "He asked me to study with him again."

There was a pause. "Wow, don't you hate it when your crush wants to spend more time with you?"

Raising my eye to meet his, I scowled slightly. "I declined."

I studied me the way one studies a paradox. "Brent, I don't think playing 'hard to get' really works for you."

"Oh shut up already."

Jade raised her hand in agreement. "I second that!"

Tony scooted closer to her. "Now for you it works."

"Too bad I'm not playing," she muttered rolling her eyes.

"You know I've heard that if you roll your eyes too many times they fall out of your head," he retorted

She started to roll her eyes again, but stopped mid-roll. Without a comeback, she simply dove back into her work. "Could you please just shut up so I can concentrate?"

"Aw, I'm just trying to helping you study."

I sat back and observed their bickering, momentarily forgetting about my own problems. "You two are a strange couple."

Jade's muffled screech was a clear indication that it wasn't the best thing to say. "We are not a couple," she murmured letting her head fall onto her folded arms. Tony patted the top of her head.

"It's ok. You don't have to admit it just yet," he replied.

"Well, you're closer to being a couple than Chad and I are," I mused bitterly.

Jade's hazel eyes peeked out at me and her brow furrowed. "Chad? Are you talking about Chad Meyers?"

My heart began beating more quickly. "You know him?"

"Sort of. My friend's friend is-"

"The brother of the cousin," Tony interjected, "of the roommate of the third aunt of-Ow!" He rubbed his shin where Jade had kicked him.

"As I was saying," she continued more or less unfazed, "one of my friends is friends with someone who knows him. I ran into him at a party once at the beginning of the semester."

By this point my heart was racing. She'd been right under my nose the entire time, yet she quite possibly held the key to my future. Could I be one step closer to finding out which side he plays for?

"So you're a party girl, eh?" Tony wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.

"Tony, could you stop harassing her for one fucking second?" I snapped. What good was she if my so-called friend scared her off? "Jade, I know we don't know each other really and there's no reason why you should do me any favors, but..." I took a deep breath and closed my eye, "doyoupossiblythinkyoucouldtellmeifhe'sgayornotifyoucouldthatwouldbeawesomeandI'dloveyouforever."

She blinked as her brain attempted to decipher what I had just said. I was having a little trouble doing so myself.. "Uh, could you repeat that?"

"Doyoupossiblythinkyoucould..."

She raised her hand to stop me. "A bit slower, please."

Another breath. "Do you possibly think you could tell me if he's gay or not? If you could that would be awesome and I'd love you forever." Phew. That wasn't so hard, was it?

"Well, I'd love to help you out," she said. Score! "But I really don't know myself." Swing and a miss! "When we were at the party, he didn't dance with anyone of either sex and I don't know that he was actually there with anyone. In fact, he looked downright uncomfortable being there at all. I think he was dragged there by a friend."

Seeing the disappoint in my expression she pointed out, "Well, he doesn't seem to mind you practically groping him all the time..."

"That was an accident!" I protested. "Ok, the first few weeks it wasn't...but after that it was all accidental!"

She held her hands up in defense. "Ok, ok! Jeez." She smacked away Tony's hand which had once again found its way to her pigtail. "If you're interested in knowing, why don't you just ask him?"

I shook my head in disarray. Oh the naivete! "I can't ask a guy if he's gay or not."

"Why?" she inquired, eyebrow raised.

"Because if he's straight he'll be insulted. Straight guys don't want people to wonder whether or not they're gay."

"That makes no sense. If he'd not gay anyway, why does it matter? Would it insult you for people to think you're straight?"

"That's what I said!" Tony proclaimed. "You know what that means? It means we've actually agreed with each other for once!"

"Oh. Wow. I'll check for the coming of the Apocalypse," she replied monotonously.

"Hey, I know you two want some flirting time, but can we focus on my situation for a second please?"

She stared at me coldly. "A: We are not flirting. B: If you keep that attitude I won't help you at all. You seem to forget, I know some of his friends. Maybe not well, but better than you do."

I cringed slightly. She did have a point. "Ok, I'm sorry. I'm just desperate right now. Any help would be appreciated." I clasped my hand together pleadingly and gave her my best puppy dog face.

She tapped her pen against the table and chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully. "There is someone who might know. I've only met him a couple of times, but he seems nice enough."

I took her hand gently in both of mine and kneeled before her. "If you do this for me, I will be forever in your debt."

"I said I'd do it, didn't I?"

I let my forehead fall against the hand I still held. "Oh, I knew girls had to be good for something."

"Well, I think they're great for all kinds of things," I heard Tony reply smugly.

She leaned down to me "You say you're forever in my debt?" I nodded. "Will you get him away from me for a while?" She asked pleadingly with a nod in Tony's direction.

"Anything," I proclaimed. I hurriedly grabbed Tony's arm and yanked him from his seat. After making it three feet from the table, I turned back to Jade. "One more thing: Please do not use my name. You know, just in case."

She shrugged. "Whatever you want. But I'm not making any promises about anything!"

I jubilantly dragged Tony out of the cafeteria and in the direction of Bienville Hall. "You can let go of me," he insisted. "I'm not a child."

"Not a chance," I refused.

Just when all hope had seemed lost for me, when I thought I'd spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been between Chad and I, God had beamed upon me. He hadn't smiled or grinned; he had beamed! He really did love me!

My mind continued to race, even after reaching the dormitory. Was this a sign? Did this mean Chad was truly my soul mate? Did this mean we'd eventually get married (which of course would be legal everywhere by then, because apparently God loves me) and begin a family? I asked Tony what he thought.

"Don't you think you should plan the wedding after you find out if he's gay?" Damn him and his logic. "Peaking of which, what are you going to do if it turns out he's straight?"

I sighed. I didn't want to think about that possibility. After all, God wouldn't tease me this way. Would he? "It's best that I know, even if he's not gay. At least then I can start getting over him...eventually."

I wasn't going to think about the downside, though.

It would all work out.

I mean God fucking loves me!

Right?

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Only two days later Jade approached me before class. She didn't nod or shake her head. She simply instructed me to meet her at the front of the UC right after class. I would've asked her to elaborate, but you-know-who showed up before I got a chance. Now I had to wait almost an hour to find out whether or not the perfect specimen sitting next to my left was meant to be with me.

Great...

It's a good thing this wasn't really a class in which taking notes was imperative, because that day I had other things to think about besides communicating with one's sexual partner. I needed to actually have a partner before I could worry about that. Knowing when it was appropriate to teach children about sex and their genitals also did little to appease me, though it did get me thinking about the children Chad and I would adopt. If we got together, that is. Christ, we had to get together!

I watched mesmerized as the minute hand on the clock slowly edged its way to the ten.

"...and I will see you all on Monday. Have a great weekend."

The sweetest words I've ever heard! I gathered my things quickly to beat the rush of people. A hand shot out as I reached the aisle and took hold of my shoulder. "Brent? Can I talk to you?"

Must resist! Must resist! My mind screamed as my heart overlapped with Stay!Stay!Stay! "I'm really sorry, but I have to meet someone right now."

"Again?"

"Yes. Can this wait until Monday?"

He released my shoulder reluctantly. "Sure. It can wait." He pushed past me into the oncoming crowd.

For a single moment, getting to the UC didn't matter. For a single moment, I wondered if I had just made on of the biggest mistakes of my life. After a single moment, I shook my head nad muttered to myself, "Nah."

I've never been much of an athlete, but I'm almost positive my dash to the UC had to have broken some kind of record. Jade was leaning patiently against one of the windows and smiled when she saw me coming. "For a second I thought you'd chickened out."

"Got a bit held-up," I explained as I tried to catch my breath. After my heart rate returned to its normal speed I felt ready to hear the consensus, be it good or bad. "So?"

"So..." she trailed off. Shit. She wasn't looking me in the eye. "There's kind of a problem. Well, it actually isn't a "problem" it's more like...a change of plans. The guy-"

"Brent! What the fuck was that? You just left without me," Tony grumbled as he walked toward us. "So what's the verdict?"

"Don't know yet," she answered. "See, the guy I talked to said he'd only help if he knew who was asking. I told him I wasn't at liberty to say, but that I'd let you know that. " She jerked her head in the direction of the cafeteria. "He's waiting in there. It's up to you."

I shifted my weight back and forth from foot to foot. "What do you think?" I asked her.

"I'd go for it, but that's just me."

What's worse? Having someone who doesn't like you back finding out you like them only to ruin what could be a great friendship, or living the rest of your life not knowing what could have been? I guess Lord Tennyson was right in saying, "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."

"Where is he?"

Tony grinned proudly as he nudged my shoulder. "'Atta boy!"

Jade lead us into the UC cafeteria. "Now," she began, "he can be a bit hyper, but all in all-"

"BRENT!" I soon found myself in a suffocating embrace by non-other than Ian.

Jade seemed thoroughly amused. "I see you two know each other already."

Ian was babbling on. "I knew it had to be you. I mean, I saw the way you had been looking at him that night. I was thinking to myself, 'Wow! Wouldn't they make the cutest couple?'"

My eye darted back and forth between Ian and Jade. "This is your friend of a friend of a friend?" Ooo. Did that make your brain hurt? Yeah, mine too.

"Oh yeah," Ian interjected, "my friend, Alex, is a Music major and his friend, Steven, is a Communications major and his friend is Jade who is a Drama major and hold on because I need to breath now." He paused taking a deep breath. "Ok, so where was I?"

"Playing six degrees of Chad Meyers," Tony replied.

I gripped Ian's shoulders and looked him in the eye. "Ian, this is probably the most important question I will ever ask you: Is Chad gay or am I barking up the wrong tree?"

"To be honest, I don't know..."

Fuck! Does anyone know anything about this guy?

"He's a man of mystery. He keeps to himself a lot and I've never seen him go on a date with anyone. Well, except for you," Ian added with a mischievous gleam in his eye. "I guess that doesn't really count, though."

"Why'd you insist on meeting me if you couldn't help me anyway?"

He shrugged. "Curiosity? Besides," he continued, "just because I know as much as you do about his sexuality doesn't mean I can't help you find out more. We do live in the same apartment, you know."

Tony and Jade had been standing to the side watching the exchange. His arm slid around her shoulder. "It's a great thing you did."

"Thank you," she replied. After a beat she added, "Take it off or I'll break it off."

He obliged, but didn't quit. "Come on, I'll buy you a snowball. We should probably leave them alone anyway."

"Fine," she agreed with a sigh.

Hm. Hell must have been freezing over. Maybe that meant the Saints would win the Superbowl...

Nah.

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An hour and two boats of cheese fries later, Ian and I had gotten nowhere. Apparently Chad didn't talk much about any of his friends from high school or really anything that happened to him before college. All Ian knew for sure was that Chad's family lived in Alexandria (located Northeast of new Orleans) and, with the exception of Christmas break, Chad hadn't once gone home to visit his family. Although, that could've been attributed to distance.

"I swear," Ian spoke while lifting a cheese drenched fry from the boat, "his room is incredibly bare. He has a bed and a small desk. No pictures, no posters, no gay porn magazines. Nothing. Nada." He bit into the fry as I sat back and evaluated my current situation.

Yes, I was no closer than I had been before to knowing what I needed to know, but I had to have made progress somehow.

"What do you suggest I do then?" If anyone could give me advice, it was Ian.

"Well, for starters don't turn down anymore offers to study with him."

"What good will that do?"

He shook his head in amazement. "Brent, don't you understand? Chad has spent more time with you than he has with anyone else. Well, except for me, Josh, and David, but that's only because we live together. After you left he couldn't stop talking about you. It was all 'Oh and Brent did this' and 'Brent said the funniest thing.' Even if he doesn't like you romantically, he really values your friendship. You may the one person who can help him become more comfortable around other people."

"And if he gets more comfortable with people..."I trailed off, now fully comprehending what Ian was getting at.

He finished my thought. "Maybe then he'll start letting people know more about him, especially you." He began picking at the cheese which was stuck to the bottom of the boat. "See, Chad is like a flower. He's completely closed up right now. If you try to pry him open, he'll only fall apart. However, with a little nurturing, he'll open up on his own."

I stared at him for a good few seconds before replying, "Wow, that was fucking corny." I had to admit to myself it was also somewhat poetic.

"Just keep it in mind," he insisted. He looked as though planned to continue, but stopped to look at something behind me. I turned to see Chad entering the cafeteria, though he hadn't noticed Ian and me yet. "Perhaps I should leave you two alone," Ian decided getting up from the table. "Go get him!"

My level of confidence had risen and my talk with Ian had been helpful, even if it hadn't been overly productive. I strode to where Chad was standing in line at Starbucks and braced myself. "Chad?"

He looked at me, but didn't smile. He usually smiled.

"So, um, that project I was telling you about? Well, I don't have to do it after all. So if you wanted to study-"

"I don't think so," he interrupted. "I'm going to be pretty busy with some other stuff."

"Oh." I tried, but I couldn't keep the disappointment out of my voice. "Well what were you trying to tell me before?"