Contradiction

I really hope you don’t have someone like this in your life, and if you do, I really hope they aren’t someone close to you.

Yeah, today’s comic is a take on a relationship I have in real life. Unfortunately, it’s a relative, so walking away isn’t really an option. The worst part is that no matter how hard I try to remain perfectly neutral to everything, they are always looking for that one little thing… anything… to draw me into having to defend a statement I just made. Next thing I know, I’m angry and frustrated from a conversation that seemed almost purposely derailed.

That shit is getting really old. Loved one or not, the relationship has turned toxic, and I need my space. What a happy fucking birthday this turned out to be.

Flush Twice proudly presents:

Sunday’s Rant

It was round about late Tuesday morning when I felt that nagging little irritating spot in my sinus cavity. Like when a piece of dandelion fluff goes up your nose, and you can't get it out. Not even sixteen hours later, my entire throat was on fire, and I would be staying home from work that day.

A day an a half later, it was clear that the shit had settled into my bronchioles. Every breath would crackle and wheeze with the sound of mucous. I coughed so much, I thought my throat might tear open, leaving me to drown in my own blood. Somehow I survived.

Do you want to know the most amazing thing about this rapid onset of bronchitis? It's the fact that I haven't had bronchitis in over nine years! I used to get this stuff once or twice a year, but back in 2010, I started vaping, and a year and a half later I had smoked my last cigarette.

Over time, I had stopped coughing up lung butter every morning in the shower. Of course I had a few colds here and there, but it never settled into my chest like this one just did.

Now these days I know how fashionable it is to shit all over vaping and criticize how it's getting young kids hooked on nicotine with fruity flavors, but the harsh reality is they would have been smoking "Black and Milds" or "Kool" cigarettes otherwise.

I hardly vape anymore. I fill my tank maybe once every two weeks... Maybe. I charge the battery about as often. I keep it around more as a security blanket than as an actual daily habit. Whether I'm using it or not, I'd like to continue to hang onto it if it's all the same, thank you.

But this past week my new found superpower had failed me, and my throat is a raw, soar snot coated tube of flesh that reminds me just how delicate the balance is for health and wellness.

Stay healthy.

Kudos

George and darkmare continue their generous roles in providing jokes for our enjoyment. Of course anyone can contribute by using our submission page, or sending an e-mail to flush2x@gmail.com. Thank you for your support.

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What is Flush Twice?

Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic in the sidebar that updates every Saturday. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.

Jokes are generously provided by visitors like yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail flush2x@gmail.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!

So what makes a joke funny? Well, it boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.

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