Emotional roller-coaster of love and lust

Monthly Archives: February 2017

Sometimes…sometimes…sometimes when you can’t say it. When words escape and you need to let it out, somehow music comes to help. Lyrics that speak so true, you can almost remember writing them yourself in your dreams. Tonight I have no words, but I have this song. This song is me. The piano so beautiful, soulful, sad. The words…so true..so applicable so beautiful and innocent. A song about my soul with sound that no words can express. I have become something I can’t express anymore

You are what they call the human season

You are all the alphabet in one
You are every colour of confusion
You are all the silence I’ve become

Love me for
Stupid reasons
I like those most

Wide-eyed but
Worth believing
God knows

Damn the angry voice that keeps us quiet
The editor whose work is never done
Keeping pretty words between my teeth and
Sweet confessions underneath my tongue

Drowsy contemplation
Do I let you in
This is my invitation
But how do I begin?

She has such an awful lot of soldiers
Quite a lovely army all her own
Night and day they stand before the fortress
Very safe but very all alone

It’s been a strange week. A family member of mine was brutally murdered this week. Such a brutal act of hate. I have been struggling to come to terms with it. I feel so numb. I am on strong medication and even crying seems impossible at the moment. My parents have cried every day this week when I spoke to them. And I, I don’t know what to say, how to deal with it.

I have often wished for the ability not to feel and experience emotions this last year of my life and now that it seems my wish has been granted, I am horrified by my ability to continue as normal when the rest of my family is in mourning.

Yet another funeral I will be missing because I’m too far away from home and air travel is too expensive.

I can’t help but wonder when it will be my parents. When will the violent country that I originate from, claim them as victims too.

For the first time, in a long time, I wish I could cry. Cry for a mother torn from her family in a violent way. Scarred and hurt beyond recognition by two men with nothing but hate in their hearts.