Waking up in the morning, knowing
or thinking that they know
that in all the hours between waking up
and going to sleep
there is no chance to get the love
they really need and want

and there will be no chance tomorrow
no chance the day after that
no chance the day after that
no chance

How do they do it?
They do it because hope springs eternal,
because deep inside, they know that they really don’t know
and maybe
just maybe
today’s the day to get love

Wounded Healer

I am the wounded healer

I can do wonderful things, but you don’t know it, because
you are wounded too
we’re both wounded people living in a wounded world

because I am wounded
on the outside I sometimes appear weak and needy
on the inside I sometimes feel weak and needy

because you are wounded
you lack the depth of vision
to see my inner divinity
as you do not see your own inner divinity

I can help you, you can help me, and
somewhere there’s a key to unlock the armor
we both encase ourselves in

until then, we go along,
doing the dance of the wounds

it’s a pity

The FailureThanksgiving Day 2004
dedicated to Jonathan Quinn

The third string backup quarterback waited his whole life for his big chance
to show his stuff
and then it came

on a cold day in November
on a terrible team
no offensive line
no time to think
and he failed
he didn’t get it done
and the chance may
never
come
again

This day may go down as the highlight of his career
a career that may not last much longer
one chance, one opportunity, with the odds against him
and then it’s over
and at least he could walk off the field without major injury

America loves its’ winners
looks down on its’ losers
even though in many ways
America is a nation of losers
people living paycheck to paycheck
working two or even three jobs
paying rent to buy the house for the landlord
never getting ahead
and still
we love the winners
look down on the losers
don’t question the rules

in games theory, the rules of the game determine the outcome
and too often, the rules we set ourselves mean
we lose

rules like:
I won’t love myself unless I lose 50 pounds
I won’t feel successful unless I earn 100k
and the like

Maybe the sense of self we get from losing is just so strong,
maybe even stronger
than the me-ness we get from winning
so that must mean we want to lose
isn’t that strange?

Maybe the reason for all the suffering we create
is to reinforce our sense of separation
our isolation

Maybe it all makes sense
Maybe there’s nobody to blame

I Went Looking For God

I Went Looking For God

I shaved my head
meditated
fasted
said prayers
did exercises
kept away, apart, above the world
and I found
some glimpses of god
in the silence
i knew myself more

I’m human
I want to live in the world
to enjoy the pleasures of life
I’ll be dead soon enough
in 50 or 100 or 200 years
an eye blink in eternity

one day I was eating
and the food in my bowl looked up at me
and said
I’m god, eat me

I was drinking
and the wine in my glass said
I’m god, drink me

my lover’s breasts said
I’m god, enjoy me

I went for a walk
and the ground said
I’m god, I support you
the sky said
I’m god, I cover you
the air said
I’m god, I inspire you

and every passing stranger
was not a stranger
was god

I looked in my bathroom mirror
god looked back at me
I took a shit
god said, me too
The whole world was god
and there was nothing that was not god

there was nothing that was not god
mostly playing the game of not being god
wearing masks of love, hate, kindness, cruelty
birth, death, killing, rape, torture
salvation, sacrifice, sainthood
not fooling anyone, not really

so
what i was looking for was right here in front of me
in front of you
so obvious I could not see it
still I have great difficulty seeing it
and it’s all OK
it’s all OK
it really is
all OK

As I Get Older

As I get older
one thing becomes more and more amazing to me
it is that
every morning the light comes up
and every night it gets dark
every morning I shave
and by the next morning i have to shave again
well, I guess i don’t have to, but

I know that the buddhists teach
no lasting happiness can come from impermanent phenomena, still
I hope that I may be forgiven for taking some in the moment joy
from these everyday phenomena
which seem to be everyday miracles

maybe, when I’m 80, my greatest entertainment will be
to sit every morning and watch the sun rise
every evening to watch it set
feeling my blood pump
noticing the sensations of the air or the cloth on my skin
in short
to become a healthy animal
to attain cat consciousness
without the desire to torture mice

and even if I’m not rich, or famous, or successful
in whatever ways society judges me
as long as I’ve learned how to be content, maybe even happy
then I have a lot to look forward to
and hey
I have my blood, my skin and the air already
but it’s not time to rest yet

So Much Activity

So much activity
nothing is accomplished
and how would we measure accomplishment, anyway

Clever Words

Clever words, clear words, high words, pithy sayings, spiritual poems
contain no transmission, no benefit
if the speaker has not realized their truth

No point

Stuffing my ears with sounds
My eyes and brain with words on paper
my mouth with food
my days with activities
my being with becoming

no point, no point, no point

Hear Myself Talk

Some people say I have my head up my ass
I don’t agree with them
because if I did
I couldn’t hear myself talk
because my ears would be sealed shut

that’s obvious, isn’t it?

Lover’s Point

Making love on the beach at Lover’s Point
we were very careful to put a towel down
so you wouldn’t get sand in
your beautiful, sweet pussy

we walked around the curve of the beach to the secluded spot
where the rocks sheltered us from sight
no amount of rock could cover up our love sounds

the sun felt good on my ass and back
as we flexed back and forth
two bodies as one
wave undulating
back and forth

I want to touch, caress, kiss, penetrate
every inch of you
every atom, every electron, and especially
your heart

I want your body because, in this world
your body is the home of your soul
and what I really want
is to connect with your soul

I want our souls to know each other
as different faces of the same soul
which is god/dess
because there is nothing but god/dess
I want god/dess
who lives in your body

So yes, I want your body
because through your body I connect to the spirit within
within me, within you
dear beautiful woman

Some Things are broken and can’t be fixed

Some Things are broken and can’t be fixed
a shattered glass, a melted electronic device
an old card table, a heart that’s broken

some people are so wounded they may never heal
oh, of course given enough reincarnations they’ll be fine
and of course to the soul a lifetime passes in the blink of an eye, but
here on earth the suffering seems eternal

I know all about good attitudes and right now
I’m bitter

I try so hard to be a good person
so hard to stay in integrity
so hard to be useful to people
and I can’t pay my rent
and I have no girlfriend
and no community to support me

so I don’t care about all the platitudes
and good advice in the spiritual books
if god is love, let love manifest in form of money,
gigs, a girlfriend, community
because I don’t have the nurturing I need to be able to give
and if my well is dry there are going to be a lot of thirsty people
and it hurts too much
and maybe I’m not strong enough to keep a good attitude

I mope around all day, doing little
no one calls (that’s not true)
my life is empty
empty in the morning
empty at night
no friends, no love
simply put, I don’t seem to be able to take care of myself
to provide for myself either emotionally or financially

maybe I’m too wounded from my childhood
or a past life
maybe I’m broken
and can’t be fixed

Step out

Step out of time, out of the tight narrow box, out of the prison of problems
everybody needs to step out of time

Some get drunk, some meditate, some watch soap operas
however you do it, do it, forget yourself, forget time

It’s been a while, but I still remember the feeling
unnumbered timeless days
bottles of wine
my lover’s body
no fears, no worries

sooner or later, it ends
the money runs out, the food runs out
the world must be reentered

we look down on all the drunks and dreamers
we look up to all the achievers and stars
even though most of us are neither achievers nor stars
who is more in touch with the deepest core of themselves
who feels more, more joy, more pain
who experiences a richer life?

if we thought we could get away with it, wouldn’t we all
stay drunk, stay high, sleep late in bed, dream big dreams,
surrender to the moment
not worry about tomorrow

I know I would

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