Internet Tough Guy

This was that ex-marine special forces private military contractor, on his third tour of duty of Afghanistan, that accused you of cheating while playing Halo last night over Xbox Live. You should really prepare for the worst.

Standard issue.

An average Internet Tough Guy documented in the cesspool known as deviantSHART.

Behold, the Internet Tough Guy. Also known as a Keyboard Warrior or Armchair Warrior or "Donga", he talks nothing but big shit online and doesn't afraid of anything. Usually male (for there are no girls on the internet). As he will thoroughly explain to you, he is respected and feared by ALL; no way he's skittish to casually throw around ep1c insultz and one-lieners like "go fuck yourself," or "u aint done sucking my dick." He swears a lot just to show how hardcore he is. God help you if you even dare defy him by delivering some sort of retort when he says something to you, or practicing fuzzy logic on his userpage, or even reading whatever he posted and writing replies of disagreement (or even agreeing responses, in some cases) relating exactly to what you just read ... No, you can't do that. No. No. You don't even know him or what he's about. Internet Tough Guy isn't someone you should mess with, ever. That's right bitch, you cross the line and he will come to your house and fuck you up so bad and rape you so hard and kill you so god damn dead OH SHIT. You must have pissed yourself by now from these horrific threats of bodily harm. Because if someone threatens you online, that's it. Game over man. Game over! Do not fuck with da man! You are d-e-a-d, DEAD! Nothing can save you. Not even that new dog you just bought. You might as well kill yourself now... Actually, IRL, Internet Tough Guy, there? He's a total fag or a basement-dweller, with a high chance of being a redneck and/or skinhead. Sometimes, the Internet Tough Guy will actually be somewhat "tough." However, this makes him about four times more of a total fag. The sad reality is that these people are a concentrated form of noob, not one of whom can grasp the concept that they obviously are never actually going to be able to make good on their intimidating remarks, or that their low-IQ ramblings do not impress the Internet nor physically affect people on it in any way. More simply put, when nobodies such as themselves make empty threats and loudmouthed, prick statements to unknown persons whom they have never met and do not know the locations of, it does not equal being a badass, becoming dominant to the other users, nor actually going full ass-rape/ass-kick on someone.

ITGs will often claim to be current or former members of the military (particularly marines or special forces) or other such manly occupations like firemen, security guards or police officers (particularly the ones in SWAT teams) and will try to use acronyms, military sounding terminology and other shit nobody cares about in conversations when in reality it's pretty much certain they are simply regurgitating the latest horse shit they heard playing Call of Duty and watching films like the Rambo trilogy and Black Hawk Down while touching themselves.

ITGs are really into computer programming, or, at the bare minimum, love videogaming, heavy metal, and perhaps working for RBS, the investment bank that hires a lot of fake tough guy cunts. The typical Internet Tough Guy can be found in nearly every community on LJ but often resides in his parent's basement for at least 7 days a week. (And not because he's trying to make it into an imaginary apartment, either). Usually, his parents banished him to the unfinished, wet, moldy, cold and dark basement because they couldn't stand either his smell or the fact that he is a disgrace to the family name. 99.9999% chance he is also subject to frequent pwning. By everyone. (He won't admit it, though. He "won" because he swore a lot. And disabled replies.) From furry communities, to fandom communities, to political communities, the Internet Tough Guy is one of the many stock users that make up a community.

Many furries who are furries are Internet Tough Guys as well. Fed up with fursecution at the hands of trolls, they often resort to threats of physical violence and will start talking about how much they can bench press. Mentioning muscle mass, level of physical fitness, etc. are all a part of being an Internet Tough Guy. By mentioning this they feel they are intimidating their opponents, but in are reality making them LOLREPEATEDLY. Trolls being everywhere and trolls they are, this induces them. Sometimes they might say to a man who commented on a hot girl that "If she was my daughter, you'd be singing Soprano", when the truth is, this guy DOES sing Soprano, he couldn't find a wife or have kids if he wanted to, and if he really saw you, he'd shit his pants in fear. His disagreement over a hot girl confirms that he's a fag, but most people forget to remind him of that, and take the tough guy bait and end up in an e-war.

Other behavior that ITGs take part in is harassment. An ITG like Nickolaus might harass you via AIM or ICQ or leave you voicemail and call you a big fag. This just increases the lulz. Sometimes, the Internet Tough Guy will threaten legal action or try to dig up dirt on their opponent. The Kadaitcha Dancers attempted to do this to Finestdrops in 2004, but failed miserably.

This ITG is not to be confused with someone who says what they actually think online and says it frankly, such as a so-called online stalker flaming back after an attention whore has flamed first to begin with (and then complains about said user).

You can also find this species of Internet Tough Guy on lol sites, like Facebook.

These guys love to flame you for the lulz.
It is interesting to note that the Internet Tough Guy's arch-nemesis is the Internet asshole, despite the fact that they share many of the same characteristics. Because this Internet Tough Guy is so much more mature than you and everyone you'll ever meet, he will frequently call the victim a "child," "young one" and "shotacon," as well as other kinds of almost not so insulting names, implying youth and frailty. They might even call them "boy" because, as you already know, there no girls on the Internet. They will also get extremely butthurt if the things they say are called threats. They prefer to call everything they say "facts," because they are so much moar smarter than you, and so much more maturerer than you are.

This Internet tough guy may take on the guise of a White Knight, which basically involves all the nerdrage with half the CAPS. Alternatively, he might try and stick up for IRL people, knowing his hollow boasts will never need to be followed through.

If none of these work, it shouldn't be too hard to get a mod to use the banhammer.

“

kerrect my grammer much more yelping dogs and i kerrect ur life and make it ded.

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—Qaopan, instilling fear throughout Forumfall.

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yes, i could kill you. very easily. i am in no way saying i shall, or that i wish to, just that i could. with great ease.

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—esteigs, who can do this because of his assassin learnings.

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Any more heat based on my flames, and I'll dip into my savings to fly to whichever basement you reside in, pass your over protecting parents, and beat the shit out of you and kill your family.

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—Phantom, who apparently can afford to fly on the wages of an obese unemployed WoW addict.

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Foolish child. Revealing that much about yourself on the internet. I think you owe my sister, abaikgirl, an apology. She has had the same experiences as you and has three books in the making. But at least she doesn't brag about it. Try not to be so inflammatory on the internet here. Especially since you don't know who we might be. You're liable to get yourself into a lot of trouble. This is NOT a threat. Merely some friendly advice. I would greatly appreciate it if you wouldn't be so abrasive here. We have enough younglings here on gaia that have that mentality without us older and wiser folks contributing to the fray. I offer this as a courtesy because a number of my friends who are also gaians will not be so kind. Again NOT a threat. Simply a fact. Thank you for your time. Best wishes.

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—Doctor Tarr, in response to hurting e-sister's feelings. Is also under the delusion that good grammar is VRY SKRY

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i laugh at ppl like u. i send comments for a reason. u dont know who the fukyou r tlkin to because first of all im not blk. ur brain is jus as tiny if my comments got to u. u cant call anyone a nigger but ur damn self and ur worthless parents for teachin u such ignorance. they deserve to b just as dead as u. u have the nuts to send me a comment like that but i guarantee u wouldn't have enough of them to bring ur ass to 220 lobdell hwy in port allen Louisiana 70767. i just gave u my address so im about wuteva anytime anywhere. i will beat the fuk out of u. girl or guy. u can tlk about how poor blks r but oprah, obama, and all blk celebrities have more than u r ur trashy family or friends have. u will not get far in life thinking the way you think. and thats comin from someone with auburn hair and blue eyes. take a bite out of that one and stay the fuk out of my business and wut the fuck i comment on. if your name wasnt mentioned then it hasnt shit to do with u. wut i eat dont make u shit so get a life. i only do this shit cuz im bored at wrk. i have not a hint of racism in me but fuk wit me and you will hate ur own kind when me and my crew finish with u. now determine wut color i am bitch.

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—Kscottreal responding to "stfu nigger", proving with violent threats that he is indeed a nigger.

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"-U wanna play with the big boys u gonna get ripped on; i.e. I'm not holding back on u. Fuck off, kid."

—dsoibel from YouTube, who took time out from his daily routine of fapping to dog porn to type out an incoherent threat.

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Lol I could kick your ass easily.Look at you kid.You're like 130 pounds and about 5 ft 6.Thats﻿ just an assumption im making just by watching your video.Anyone could easily compare me and you and determine the victor in the fight bro.I'd come up top.But if you wish to prove me wrong we could settle this in person. I'd gladly give you my address if you want.And btw I could care less about subscribers.Im on youtube to watch videos and sub others if they got content that I like.

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—auron2214 from Youtube, admitting he cums first when he's topping kids.

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Oh of course, it's time to move out of your mother's house and WORK HARD.

Get plastic surgery.and a life, or I'd jump on your fat stomach.

ManifestContent owns my sperm, to swallow, but he has to get them out of your mouth first for you swallowed quite a lot.

yea making fun of me is so funny, so funny i forgot to laugh. If you wanna talk like that to me why don't you come here and say it to me face so i can answer your insults with a swift fist to the nose. yea you have a lot to say from hundreds of miles away but i bet if my fists were in reach of your face you would be like a tv on mute with no volume button So do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut unless you want to die. Next time you think about saying something like that to me I want you to remember one thing. I know the guy that created google maps and I can locate you in the time it took me to type this.Don't want anymore problems....didn't think so faggots. You have any idea what gorilla warfare is? I do, I was in the US MarineCorp. and I perfected it. I'm fully capable of using it on you motherfuckers. Do you know the dander you're in if I find you? I am 100$serious. Bunch of god damn newfaf loser here and I will not have it. At least I've had sex, had girlfriends, and gotten laid, and blowjobbed unlike you virgin pieces of unpatriotic SHIT!

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— US Marines apparently can't spell "guerrilla warfare".

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oh I'm soooooooooo scared goatfucker. Yeah that's right I called you a goatfucker, GOATFUCKER! what the fuck are you gonna do about it, you pussy-ass piece of shit? if you find out where I live and come to my house just know this you fat piece of shit: I'll be ready for you, with a baseball bat in one hand and a big fuckin' knife in the other. I'm going to shove the bat up your ass and as for the knife, well, you'll have to come here and find out where I put that, fucker.

So come get me you fucking faggot-ass cuntnugget. I could kick your fucking ass so fucking hard you'll shit my Size 14 Doc Martens for a month. I'll fucking curbstomp your little monkey ass, you horsefucker. If you so much as get within fifteen miles of me I'll fucking know it, buddy. I'm waiting, and if you FUCK WITH ME one more goddamn time, they won't be able to ID your corpse.

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— Reply to the previous; trolls trolling trolls.

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you wanna fucking fight kid well guess what I just hacked your IP address. yea thats right you can't do shit you fucking pussy... if you try to start ANY MORE shit with me, I'll hack the shit out of your computer so be warned you terrorist piece of shit. and if you try to come to my house just be warned that I know Kung Fu and have a GUN so if you wanna start some shit I'll fuckin be ready to kick the shit out of you. You've been warned, motherfucker. don't FUCK WITH ME again.

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—
Reply to previous, who apparently can't do anything if someone else knows his IP address.

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Oooooooh I'm so scared, you think you're tough pussy? I'm behind 7 proxies and use ZoneAlarm, Sygate and Comodo Internetnet Securtiy!1111!!1 which I all keep up-to-date. THAT'S THREE FIREWALLS AT THE SAME TIME motherfucker. You can't hack me you little piece of shit. You're peeshooter and kung fu won't make a difference when my friend woh's a B-51 pilot in the Air Force can turn your entire house and backyard into a fuckhuge bomb crater. You are pathetic, while you're sitting there writing insults like the sad little nerd you are i'm having sex with my hot girlfriends. Yeah you read that right, i have not one but FIVE girlfriends. Top that motherfucker, I dont think you've ever even held hands with a girl.

I'm done here, i'm gonna have sex with my bitches and leave you writing angry comments all day and night like the piece of filth nerd you are.

[15:58] XXXX: with my testicles dangerling too
[16:02] XXXX: What I ment is I'll stomp your bullshit and sooner or later other people take offense and join yourside and I'll stomp them too.
[16:02] XXXX: Good luck banning me Im proxy expert
[16:02] XXXX: and I can wipe my index.dat no problem..

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—IRC is serious business for 13 year olds.

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i'll slit you neck and watch you bleed to death you pathetic waste of fucking life i hope you god is as powerful as they portray his fucking shit because when i am finished with you he'll need to rearrange yo shit and scene damn cant you spell it at all seeing on how your the expert of this when the bands you like are third world wanna be's and to add i live in america but i am brit dumb shit shows what you learn from stalking my shit lurking little bitch and fuck your shit scene is a label nice to see the immature little bitches from other country's who act as if they are in middle school or is it that you didn't get that far in life you think your pathetic little insults work that they make me depressed or emo or what ever you dumb fucks call it when i could swear that you live in a conformist country full of the same damn wanna be's when i am here as who i am chris not scene.scene kids are pussies who change with the time emo's bitch about how sad they are fuck that dumb shit fuck they don't even drink German beer or liq. what the fuck is that stop acting like a prick who has no dick from my point of view you are a virgin in the world of women who want nothing to do with you so grow the fuck up you sad waste of life.

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—CHRISCRISISONLINE - VF user, THERE IS A SHORTAGE OF FULL STOPS, EVERYONE DO YOUR PART

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wtf tough guy wow what the hell is that this isn't the 50's fuck face wow and its sad because some dumb ass started talking shit wait that was you fucking retard-o good job because in my eyes you are trying to be bad ass with you fuck america and fuck this and that blah blah scene emo scene emo fuck you damn retard i think you are hiding something were you ass raped isn't that how it goes in other countries fuck face you must be emo or scene to know so much about it

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—Again, CHRISCRISISONLINE who has a bad allergy to commas.

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Remember when nerds were into Star Trek? Now they've found the computer key board to be tough on. Especially when they address women. Or anybody anonymously. And before you nerds with vaseline on your hands start hurling nasty words at me, I AM a modern day samurai for real. Level four prison is my playground. I couldn't care less about you and your kids. I'll see them or you soon enough.lol

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—"Samurai" who apparently is plotting to rape kids.

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i cant really find a place to write this due to the lack of ablity to make a good fuckin site easy for the customer input i can alrdy tell this game is givein into hackers an helping them ..let me make this very fckin clear fix ur mother ufcking game our i swear to fuckin god u made the worst enemy u ever made u wanna fu kin make a game bu not fuckin fix the hacking problem get real and i swear to god fix ur fuckin problem our ill figure out where ur servers our an blow them the fuck up.

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—13 year old who thinks "fuck" is a conjunction.

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don't worry cracked.com! if i ever meet any son of a bitch writer for encyclopedia dramatica i will kill him in the name of the all mighty cracked! they've filled the internet with sooo many god damn cat pictures with sayings such as "i haz furz" that i can't even begin to count.

Shut The Fuck upBitch before i go out of my way to find out who you are, then u will be meeting face to face with my hachet

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—Dumbass 13-year-old, who threatens us all with the terror of badly spelled weaponry.

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Whores devour their own shit! Just after slurping up milk from man meat I make fresh daily. These slutty McBitches do it for me after they see me beat fuckers senseless. I can freeze you with fire and thaw you with ice, all gotdamn day if I please. You are a walking dead man and I am your ticket to Lucci-fur you ignoramous!

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—Someone who loves slurping man milk, apparently.

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FUCK YOU. If I knew who you were, I would punch you in the temporal lobe. Thanks for giving me a headache and damaging my high-frequency hearing, you fucking asshole.

You are viewing this message because ED is currently under siege by editors of Wikipedia. What we try to offer is free knowledge to the world. Instead, you got people like Grawp, and people who take them for granted. It's called insecurity, people! So, anyway, you guys suck You guys are people Who have nothing better to do than to pick on innocent TOW editors, like Sceptre. This is why you never fuck with Wikipedia Because this is what will happen Please do cease and desist immediately And find something else to do!

Thats the point dumbfuck, i said i could and want to kill you, but their not death threats

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—Of course not.

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Ok motherfucker here is what im goig to do in 3 days, im going to backtrace your gay cat loving ass with your i.p address then i going to breake into your house with my pistol and cat hating friends and kill your cat in front of you,then kill your family the slowest and painfullest way possibal, then kill you the most painful and slowest way possibal... you know what? thank you, now that i know your tourchering dogs, im going to tourcer and kill cats too YEAH! so you can blame me

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—Be careful, for bitchkisser9000 has 1337 h4x0r skills and will trace you.

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Ok first off, back the fuck up. And yes I can find your IP address, Duuuh. Think before you say Miss High-And-Mighty shit. KThanks ;)

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—Missbeautyqueen101, another dangerous h4xor wandering around the interwebz.

DID YOU WRITE THIS? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE WORRYING ABOUT YOUR FUTURE,HOUSING AND EDUCATION! AT LEAST YOU HAVE A FUCKING NORMAL FUNCTIONING BRAIN? OR DON'T YOU????? MY SON IS AUTISTIC AND I WOULD SPEND MY LAST DOLLAR TO MAKE HIM HAVE A LEAST HALF A NORMAL LIFE!! MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING CUNT!! IF I KNEW WHO YOU WERE YOU GUTLESS FUCKING FREAK I'D KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS YOU HORRIBLE PEICE OF SHIT YOUR GOING TO HELL!!!!!!!!

This woman has contacted me and said some very offensive and inflammatory. Here is what was said, be aware of her and ignore her.

Alexandra Kayukov

Today at 11:00am

Report Message

It costs six million dollars to take care of one Autistic person. How many houses can be built for the same price? Sandra Gallagher
This is my message to her and her subsequent response.

Today at 12:46pm
Me:
I am sorry but I am confused as to why you have sent me this message and exactly where you get your facts. All, I would say is that if that was your child, what would you think they were worth?

Alexandra Kayukov:

Today at 10:57pm

I saw you in one of the Autism groups. I've seen many sources on the internet, both videos and articles, that tell the price of Autistic people. I definitly value giving between four and 60 people homes, depending on what else they recive, to be better than my personal pleasure. For half the six million dollars, I could have been given a good home and be able to attend college to get a good job and contribute back every penny of the money. I'd also be able to work to progress technology.

Me:

I am confused as how you can make the connection between the cost of helping people with autism and housing. Helping people with autism doesn't take anything away from you or anyone else, as well I question your numbers. Certainly, there is a cost but even if no money was spent on helping autistic people that would not mean there would be more housing or that you could go to college. Autism affects 1 in 150 kids, are you saying that noone should help these kids?What do you propose be done? I think that you have a very distorted view on this matter and some misguided views. I would be far more upset about the billions of dollars that are spent on war and other irresponsible, wasteful projects. Helping children reach their full potential is not taking anything away from you and I suggest you get your facts straight before you approach a parent of an autistic child again and accuse them of taking away something from you. If you do not have a house or a college education that is not because of the help that autistic people receive, your blame is misplaced and hurtful. Millions of parents around the world are brought to the point of bankruptcy helping their children because insurance won't help them. What is next will you be confronting parents of other disabled children, people living with cancer or some other disease and blaming them for your personal failings?

I have reported her and subsequently blocked her, she is obviously misguided and mistaken and feels entitled to harrass people.

People these days seem to think we are some sort of Internet vigilante group, That couldn't be further from the truth. We are the little voice in the back of your head that wants to fuck your hot sixteen year old daughter. We are the father who beats his six year old child simply because he spilled his beer. We are every chef that's ever spit in some random person's food for the hell of it. We are the pyromaniac who burns down the homeless shelter for shits and giggles. We are the person who rapes the same girl twice. We are that feeling you get when you beat your pets; and enjoy it. We see some guy hang himself live, we laugh. A wrestler kills his family, we laugh. Some maladjusted Asian shoots up his university, we laugh. Fifty-thousand die in North Korea, we laugh. AIDS ravages a continent, we laugh. An Austrian man locks his daughter in his basement for 24 years and fathers 8 children with her, we laugh. A religion invented by a psychotic writer swindles countless gullible fucktards out of their cash, we laugh, and then go kick his religion's ass just for the hell of it. We aren't some vigilante group righting wrongs. We aren't your friends, your buddies or your saviors. Your feelings mean nothing to us. We are human nature unencumbered by pointless ethics, foolish moralities or arbitrary laws and restrictions. We are every dark impulse you have; unrestrained and fully realized. We are what deep down, you wish you were. We exist as a means for instant gratification, purely at our own whim. We have no culture, we have no laws, written or otherwise. We are an autonomous collective, each an insignificant part of a whole. You cannot assimilate us, we do not change. You cannot defeat us, we do not exist. You cannot infiltrate us, we know our own. We do not sleep, we do not eat and we do not feel remorse. We will tear you apart from outside and in, we have all the time in the world. You operate under the delusion that we will someday be outdated, that we might even see the light. You are irrevocably wrong. You are not special, you are not unique and you aren't crusaders for justice. You're a blend of college age faggots who think that they can do some sort of good, and who are desperate to belong, to have attention. You have accomplished nothing, and you will fall. Enjoy your AIDS, faggots.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

The top Navy Seal sniper with over 250 kills in Al-Quaeda was murdered by the same butthurt 25-year-old *chan user he was threatening.

What in Davy Jones' locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I'll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I've led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o' swag. I'll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o' pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o' monsoon that'll wipe ye off the map. You're sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o'er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o' the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I'll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o' the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, and now ye'll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I'll shit fury all over ye and ye'll drown in the depths o' it. You're fish food now

Hey hows it going? I am contacting you through my associates son's profile, for i tend to keep my Identity confidential. Soooo my girl Ronny has been telling me that you've been harassing her through numerous messages. Now i'm not some pussy like you that would call the cops or any shit like that. I take matters into my own hands. So if you continue to mess with her, I will find where you live with my IP tracker, which tracks down the computer or any device in which the message is sent. I have countless sources and options in means of making your life a place worse than hell. I don't bother to track down people like you myself, all i do is contact one of my many associates at my disposal. Now i don't care if you're some fucking minor, if you mess with me, my friends, or loved ones, You will end up fucking paranoid in the corner of your closet.If you're over 18, that's even better. For I do not have to be merciful. So i am giving you a choice, from now on, just simply forget you ever knew she existed, and you don't have to look forward to anything.....unpleasant. Or, you can continue to message her, and have her give me a call, find where you are, and contact someone, and depending on where you are, should definitely take less than a month and a half, for i have associates in many states and cities. I should not have to give any more detail. Your location is but a few calibrations and buttons away. I trust you will do what is best for your future, Because you would have to be a complete fool to deny this chance for forgiveness. Plus, it would save me some time, money, and debts. So please, be smart about this, after all, i know you can feel pain. -Sincerely, The Outlook