Manly Fuckin' Santa calls on his own transportation. Rudolf and the Yule... uh, Skateboard?.. whoa, rad! (Does Manly Santa have shades on?.. I think it's all gone to his head and I blame you lot for it too.)

Calling out the ancient ritual saying at times like these...

"On Rudolf!.. or I'll stick this fuckin' Chainsaw up yar arsehole!"

...our Manly Fuckin' Hero sets off.

As he glides over the X-Wing he calls out to all a Yuletide greeting...

"Whoa! Whoa! Slow down yah stupid bastard! AAAaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

Rudolf takes to the air, shimmering, sparkling magic trails behind his wake. All mankind who looks upon the sight is filled with joy, wonder and kindness for his fellow man when they hear...

Yeah, he's the new Zombie Lincoln-type hype. Unbelievable that he spent a turn without killing anything though, really!

You know I lol'd when he handed the Pevensies some weaponry. That guy's known for playing brutal roles, they couldn't have chosen a better one, so that's one more on our list of actors when (I forgot who it was) manages to persuade Sam Raimi to make this into a movie.

Giving weapons to children and telling them to run along and kill the shit out of things is what Christmass is all about. Or is that just something that I do. Sometimes I get confused and forget what's normal and what's not to be spoken of in public.