Tuesday, June 16, 2009

As reported in a blog there, "The Rogers Park Bench," Catiana McKay, the lefty divorcee pastor of the lefty United Church of Rogers Park (that crumbling eyesore on the corner of Ashland and Morse) has come out with a sure-fire plan to combat the tsunami of violent crime that infests and infects that hellhole of a neighborhood.

She wants to erect "Peace Poles" all over East Rogers Park.

Speaking during an appearance at her "church" by the racial spoils racketeer and polygamist, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, this odd woman, an ostensible Methodist who strangely lists among her affiliations a membership in the Turkish Muslim Chicago Network, made the peculiar utterance:

"We would like to see Peace Poles all over this community to claim that there is no space for violence here."That noble sentiment was echoed by one of her board members, Michael Harrington, the inveterate black, gay East Rogers Park goofball, perennial, losing office seeker who's now following in the messiah's footsteps as a self-proclaimed, "community organizer."

Harrington hints that had Ms. McKay's magical Peace Poles been present, they might have warded off the murder of a 16 year old youth (no doubt a CPS honor student) at the Jarvis El stop last December.

The denizens of this rather eccentric Rogers Park church, truly are a mystical lot. More steeped in supernatural romanticism than the religious snake handlers, I think.

Back in the 80s and 90s they sported a huge banner, proclaiming their crumbling edifice and its surroundings a "Nuclear Free Zone."

It must have worked since Gorbachev did not nuke them, so they progressed to a new banner proclaiming that "This Congregation Rejects War."

Kim Jong II and Al Qaeda, take note.

So now they want Peace Poles to ward off the almost weekly gangland shootings in their midst.

I was curious about these Peace Poles and the magical powers that they must contain. I've only ever seen two. One is at the Southern field at Northeastern Illinois University, off of St. Louis Ave, near Foster. In its shadow, at that goofy, leftist, high school with ashtrays, neo-druids seem to conduct various earth-worshipping rituals.

The other was erected across from the Skokie Village Library. It was put up by the left-wing Democrat machine candidate slate there during their last contested election to show their lefty voters how radical chic they are. They won their patronage plums and the Peace Pole remains.

But my crack research staff informs me that this Peace Pole business is quite a racket.

The Peace Pole was invented in 1955 by an alleged Japanese poet, Masahisa Goi, who was bummed out by the destruction of his country as a consequence of the war they started. It is a simple 4-sided pole with the words "May Peace Prevail on Earth," inscribed on each side in a different language.

Too bad Masahisa didn't come up with this little talisman 15 years earlier. We could have erected one at Pearl Harbor to ward off Admiral Hamamoto's bombs. The Chinese, Koreans, Philipinos and the 17 million other Asian victims of the Japanese Holocaust could have used them to ward off Tojo's tanks and Gen. Yamashita's death squads.

But hindsight is 20/20.

So now, under the auspices of an outfit in Wassaic, New York called, The World Peace Prayer Society, 200,000 of these peace poles have supposedly been erected in 180 countries.

As further proof of the essential vacuity of that body, the United Nations has recognized this peace pole prayer outfit at an official Non-Governmental Organization (NGO) under its auspices.

The Prayer Society has also trademarked the phrase, "May Peace Prevail on Earth," and in addition to selling a mind-boggling array of peace poles (all, they say, must be made of ecologically friendly materials, yet they offer a plastic one) they hawk a vast array of peace pole paraphanalia.

At the World Peace Prayer Society's website, one is admonished to "Shop Peace to Spread Peace." Their site takes Visa, MC and American Express.There one can simply go hog wild on a peace pole shopping binge. (Many of the items make great stocking stuffers.)

I will admit, that I was somewhat sceptical about the efficacy of Ms. McKay's and Mr. Harrington's Peace Pole project. But now I see its possibilities. It can be a great crime fighting tool for East Rogers Park -- we just have to contour the message to the audience,

Consequently, these hard economic times being what they are (I am still waiting for the shovel ready job that Obama promised me) I am announcing my own Chicago Lampoon Line of Peace Pole products.It is designed to appeal to thevery constituency who we most need to embrace the Peace Pole concept and make our claim that there is no space for violence here. These are things the chillun would actually want and use. I mean, really, the boys in the hood aren't going to be caught dead (no pun intended) in a Peace Pole Sri Lankan shawl.

This is only my preliminary product offering. More products that are bound to be highly popular with the youts of the East Rogers Park area will surely occur to me in the coming days and I will be sure to keep you posted as they become available.

They are sure to go a long way toward moving the wayward youts of our area to embrace in their hearts the time honored maxim, "May Peace Prevail on Earth." (A trademark of the World Peace Prayer Society -- not to be used without express written permission of the owners, WPPS Inc., Wassaic, New York.)

1 comment:

Excellent post! In fairness, I'll point out that Mr. Harrington is nice guy; I count him as a personal friend even though we disagree on 99 of things political. That said, I too have ranted against what I call "Liberal magical chanting." Crazy crap like candle light vigils, walks for peace, petunias for peace, and so on are no different than the now legendary attempt to levitate the Pentagon during the Vietnam War. It's almost a tacit admission by the Left that they don't have real answers to real problems, are a bunch of superstitious nutjubs (in spite of their often-antireligious posturing), and have little or no understanding of the basics of human nature. To believe that "peace poles" or "take back the night" walks will make criminals magically and spontaneously change their evil ways is akin to believing that sacrificing a lamb will pacify an angry rain god.

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About The Chicago Lampoon

Chicago is a very funny city.

In fact, it is a windswept glacial burg that is the source of a never-ending supply of knee-slappers and outright horselaughs.

From the neophyte community organizer that it foisted on an unsuspecting American electorate to the mop-topped sociopathic boy-Governor that it sent to the Letterman show, to its storied depression era, tommy-gun toting philanthropists, it has produced some truly amusing and amazing characters.

It has a Mayor who is a former ballet dancer, who served in a foreign army and who threatens political enemies by sending them dead fish in the mail. It has 50 sleepy Alderman and 5, usually somnolent professional sports franchises

It has two Jesse Jacksons!

It has more potholes per capita than Nairobi, a creaky 1940s-era elevated train system and cops who get caught on videotape punching out bar maids and businessmen.

As we have since 2009, we are only going to report and comment on what actually happens in Chicago. To make up stuff this weird would tax our inventive capabilities to the limit (or at least as high as the, highest-in-the-nation, Cook County sales taxes.)

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