Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Better buzz than die with an axe in your head

TV spectators of the World Cup have been alarmed by disturbing noises emitted by South Africa. Is the TV broken? Is there some strange transmission interference at the level of the TV signal? Is South Africa maybe inhabited by noisy wasps or cicadas? No, the answer is simple. South Africa is inhabited by South Africans who get a kick out of making a hell of a lot of audio pollution, when they're watching soccer matches, by blowing non-stop into a crude "musical" instrument known as a vuvuzela… which creates an ugly buzz.

I don't have statistics on hand, but I'm led to believe that South African soccer spectators, physically preoccupied by blowing into these contraptions, simply don't have enough determination and energy left to envisage taking out axes and knives with the intention of eliminating supporters of the opposite team. So, the vuvuzela is undoubtedly a life-saving instrument, whose presence and role in the stadiums must be respected, indeed encouraged. One might say that the noise is less obnoxious than blood and guts. Fair enough…

Meanwhile, my ears won't let me watch that shit for any length of time. The audio pollution drives me mad. I feel like assassinating a South African vuvuzela blower, or maybe even a whole fucking grandstand of such noisy vermin. Let me return calmly to my quiet computer...

6 comments:

William, Maybe you should attack the problem from its source. It appears that it is a Frenchman, Jose Pecci who sells these bloody irritating things to the soccer fans in the first place. Refer attached link.http://bigpondnews.com/articles/OddSpot/2010/06/19/Man_selling_thousands_of_vuvzelas_475100.htmlBruce

Jeez, if ever that crazy axe-wielding American residing in Bavaria turned out to be a reader of Antipodes, inspired by certain words in my article, the German police might be turning up here to ask me questions. I would attempt to assure them that I was never suggesting seriously that vuvuzela players should be assassinated with axes or any other weapons. On the other hand, I wouldn't go so far as to exclude the idea of snatching a vuvuzela from the hands of a supporter (of the opposite team, it goes without saying) and breaking it over his/her silly head. In any case, it's obvious that anti-vuvuzela strategies will need to be imagined and adopted as a consequence of the current buzz. Personally, keen on doing my bit, I'm working on the design of a phony vuvuzela that would explode like a firecracker (colorfully, with a bang, but harmlessly, of course) as soon as you blew into it. Now, if I were to hear in the press, over the coming weeks, that the Taliban have started to leave explosive vuvuzelas on Afghan roadsides, then this comment is likely to get me into real trouble...

About Me

After working in various computing jobs, I retired to an old farm property in the Vercors mountain range, on the edge of the French Alps, where I spend my time writing, playing with the Internet and wandering around on the slopes with my dog Fitzroy, admiring wonders created by the Big Bang and Evolution.