Let me again apologize for the lack of posting. I haven’t felt like doing much of anything but sleeping and laying down, watching TV for the past week and a half. Even right now I’m not feeling too much like talking but I feel that you guys who aren’t in daily contact with me (which would be all of you but my mom and husband) would like to know what’s going on.

I had the surgery (duh?). It took about an hour and I was crazy-groggy but that didn’t stop me from getting on the phone and ringing my friend, June. I’m not sure what I said but I’m sure it gave her a good giggle. But she was able to pass the message on to several of my online pals that I had made it through to chat another day. The hospital stay was bumpy to say the least – I hope I never run into any of those nurses in the “real world” or I’ll be 30 shades of scarlet. And I may never be able to look Dr. Driskill in the eye again after he was the doc on call in the middle of my first post-op night and I, in a 2 AM morphine-haze, demanded he be called AT ONCE to get me some Xanax or send me home. I’m so ashamed. I can’t believe I’m still married.

Anyway – we got home Saturday (the 6th) and I slept until Tuesday when I got out of bed for the first time, I think. We had a list of WONDERFUL friends who brought us dinner that whole week up until tonight (THANK YOU!) and checked in with us to make sure we had everything we needed. It was so nice to feel the love!

Yesterday I finally started to feel a little better, lowering my pain meds and moving around. I’ve gotten to where I can get up earlier in the morning (an early-EARLY-for-me-8-AM this morning) and not have to take a nap, although I get a sinker mid-day. I’ve weaned completely off sodas and haven’t had anything but water or milk (with a 2 soda slip from which I quickly learned my lesson) since getting home. I feel good. I might even try a more-than-2-minute-shower tomorrow! But I don’t want to push it…

We only had one issue since we got home with a little infection-ish thing (nothing too ewey) but the doc said it wasn’t a big deal and sent me home with a bandaid so I think we’re doing good! I see the doc on Thursday for my 2 week visit to see about lifting some of my restrictions (esp. the “can’t drive” one). Hopefully we won’t have anymore set backs and we’ll only see good things from this. Chris (Dr. D) did say that it could take up to 3 months for my iron to fully “recover” so I’m hoping that’s not the case here but even so, it’s better than never, right?

So that’s that. If you have a question, ask. I’ll be back soon – I have all kinds of things to talk about (like, did I mention my brother and Hollie are HAVING ANOTHER BABY!?!?!? WHOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!). Just hang with us a little bit longer…I’m trying to do more with the kids and that takes priority, of course, but it might also lead to more pictures for you guys 😉

A lot of thought has gone into this surgery that I’m having (the date is Oct 4 for those who didn’t know). At first, I was at odds with it: I knew I needed it for health reasons but I wasn’t ready to face the fact that I wouldn’t have anymore children. I mean, Gary’s been fixed and I was fine with that but there has always been that tiny (1 in a million – but that’s still a chance, right?) possibility that we could have another one.

But here’s what I know: I know I hate (vehemently) being pregnant. I’m not, in general, a happy-go-lucky kinda gal. I am actually quite the bitch (Dolores Claiborne said it best: Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman’s got to hold on to). So add hormones and being constantly hungry to that and you have a me that NO ONE wants to be around. And I mean NO ONE. Even my doctor hated me. I also know that having Cordi took me out of remission and it took 3 years to get my health back under control and I am certain the hormones resulting from that pregnancy shaved years and years off my life (but she is SO worth it). I know I have 3 beautiful children and there are so many women who would give everything they have for just one. I know I’m blessed. I know I’m loved and I know my life is full.

But it is more than that. What I’m going to say now shouldn’t offend anyone – I don’t mean it as a judgement on those who have huge families or more than 3 kids. This is simply how I feel about MY situation.

I feel like if Gary and I were to make another child it would be selfish. There are WAY too many children out there without homes. Without loving parents. Without anything. I wouldn’t feel right putting another child out there when we could take one of these kids into our hearts and home. And that child would be just as much mine and just as loved as my birth-given children. Having another child myself would both take away that potential child’s would-be future and could very well end up taking my life. And who am I to let my own desires take me away from my children and husband? How guilty would Gary feel for getting me pregnant when we both knew the risks? I simply cannot do that.

And that’s why this surgery is a good thing. It’s a happy thing. And it will be 2 less things I ever have to worry about again 🙂