22 February 2007

How long is long enough to realise that your fabulous new job is in fact a job and therefore unlikely to actually be fabulous?I'm plumping for six weeks. This is because I am in week six and it officially sucks. Sure, I am doing what I want to do and the people are genuinely nice, but nice just isn't enough anymore. The office is distinctly male and it ain't the flavour of man I prefer. This morning by 10am, I had already been stuck in the middle of two sporty converstions; one about football (bad enough) and the other about snooker players from the 80s (if you can believe that). Add to that the fact that my manager is constantly telling me to do utterly ridiculous things. In my first week, every time my phone rang, I answered it. All the calls I took were for other people and all I had to do was put them through to the correct bod. At the end of the week, my manager said that my phone only rings if everyone else's was busy, so there was no need for me to keep answering it. So this morning when it rang, I ignored it. "Who's phone was that?" she asked. "Mine. It was a number I didn't know so I didn't answer it." "Well, when your phone rings, you ought to answer it in case it's someone important." "OK," I replied, when I wanted to say, "Yes, I do know how to use a poxy phone; I did work in call centres for 4 hellish years of my life, you ridiculous bitch."Instead I went into the loo and plotted her downfall. These things are all enough to make a boy wish he was at home in bed instead of sharing air space with a bunch of bastards, but the thing that really gets on my nerves is the fact that everyone keeps going on about the woman I replaced. Apparently, turnover at this company is quite low and I was the first new person to join them in about two years. That's fine, I feel a little bit special. So stop telling me how great Vanessa, my predecessor, was and let me get on with making my own mark on you all. "Oh, Vanessa was so efficient.""Oh, you would've loved Vanessa - she was so funny."I do miss Vanessa and her ways."Fuck off. I get it. She was brilliant and you made a mistake taking me on. Now let me sit here quietly for six months so that I have the relevant experience on my CV to start applying for the jobs I really want. And tell Vanessa from me she is a whore.

Ha ha, very funny!! Take control mate, steer the conversation round to important topics like was Anna Nicole's son the father of her baby. You cannot be expected to answer phones and discuss 80s snooker players every day without eventually going off your rocker and firing bullets around the office.