Ahh good times, that picture brings back memories. Excuse me as I pass on thru memory lane, hard to believe its been 20 seasons since my Upstate swan song. Surprised to see so many chicago players still on the all time record list for the school, especially Benjamin Coomer, my favorite player ever in this game and the best 6 game run I can recall in the tournament in season 20.

Coach Duke: Good afternoon. It is with great anticipation and excitement that I begin my tenure here at St. Lawrence. I must admit, it took me a bit to find campus as the signs around town are a bit outdated and I was looking for St. Lawrence, Liberty Conference but all the signs were for St. Lawrence, Upstate. Well, anyway, I managed to find the campus and find the team.
After taking a few minutes with the assistant coaches, I immediately questioned whether I should have found the team at all. Man, what a collection of misfits. I can definitively say, there was a reason the Saints were 1-15 in conference last year (hmm, the St. Lawrence Saints, a school so nice they named it twice).
The current roster has some decent low post players who should be able to contribute this year. For better or worse, however, they are all seniors.

The goal for the team this year is to re-install a winning attitude. The coaches and I want to the team play hard and with heart every game. The Saints have a nice history of success, but have fallen off a bit in recent years. It's high time that the Saints to reclaim their glory.

We expect the first few years to be difficult in the win-loss department. That said, we can promise that you will see a team that plays basketball hard and the right way and will be enjoyable to watch, win or lose. #Weallwegot (in the words of Glen "Big Baby" Davis)

As a parting word on the team, I recommend you get your season tickets now and don't let go because in a few short seasons, we will be the hottest ticket in town.

Dean Wormer: Thanks coach. We here at St. Lawrence are excited to start a new era under Coach Duke. We hope it will be a long and successful tenure. Although Duke is new to the Wooden world, he has a proven track record of success at the D3 level at various times in Crum, Knight, and Phelan, winning 2 NT titles along the way. His most recent efforts have been in turning around CNU in USA South in Phelan.

CANTON, NY - Today should have been a joyous day in the small town of Canton, NY. The 12,000 residents there have been eagerly anticipating the announcement of a new head basketball coach for their beloved St Lawrence Saints.

The once storied program has been in a downward spiral since the departure of Coach J Trost. In the last five seasons they've amassed a paltry 16-64 conference record. Athletic director Mike Robinson had the daunting task of replacing the legendary coach in season 61. He quickly found a replacement in Sim Ai (short for Simonevski Aikolovich). Sim was found coaching a C-league team in the small Serbian village of Budva. He was a standout player for the Serbian national team. And as a coach, he had a stellar reputation of bring the very best out of every player. But his broken English, habit of smoking cigarettes during games, and constantly having relations with cheerleaders half his age had the community calling for his head. After just two season, Coach Ai was axed and Robinson found himself in a deeper hole. He disregarded the death threats and ignored the student rallies where he was burned in effigy. He stuck to his guns and reeled in his biggest catch of his career.

The new coach at St Larry would be none other than Duke "the Nuke" Nil. Born just outside Austin, TX, Duke was named after his uncle, John Wayne. He spent his youth on the family farm where countless stories have surface about his toughness and grit. One of the most memorable was when he single-handedly wrestled down a 1300lb longhorn to save a family of ducks crossing the road. As a basketball coach, he's flat out intimidating. His linebacker stature is a looming presence on the hardwood. There's been rumors that the mere sight of his silhouette coming out of the tunnel before that game has caused women to faint and opposing players to lose control of their bladder. As for his nickname, it is a standard misconception that it has to do with war. Or terrorizing other teams. It actually came to be early in his career when he was navigating the high school ranks. Supposedly it was started by what Coach Nil did to the toilet in the boys locker room. Players would avoid the bathroom for hours. Occasionally they would put up caution tape or draw a radioactive symbol on the stall. It was typical to hear students yelling out "Coach Nil nuked the bathroom again", thus originating his nickname: Duke "the Nuke".

That brings us back to present day. No sooner than Coach Nil was donning the Saints cap for the first time behind the press podium, were there rumors flying around the room. Reporter Pea Pingtom found out that there's unconfirmed reports of someone putting out bounties for beating the Saints. Early reports say that Coach Polo from NYU might be connected to all this. We attempted to contact Coach P, but his assistant said that he had consumed large quantities of hookers and blow and would not have a formal response to these wild accusations till the morning.

This is a DIII school and normally wouldn't merit the national attention, but apparently the talk shows and message boards are abuzz with the chance that another "Saints" team is involved in a bounty scandal. Stay tuned as any breaking news, you'll hear first right here. . .

Recruiting report: Before even playing one meaningful game, the admin. has reported that Coach Nilnil is already on the hotseat. The poor showing by SL in recruiting has really set the program back another year in its turnaround bid. With 5 openings, SL was only able to talk 3 players into coming to campus. The staff will have another shot at 5 openings next season and expect much better success.
Rating: C-
The coaching staff identified 2 obvious weakness in the roster - defense and athleticism. With mild
T. Coles: Coles final rating will depend largely on where his Per (h/h) ends up. Showing great potential in that area but with poor starting results, the coaching staff is unable to predict accurately where his Per will finish. In the past, the staff has been able to turn low Pers into 60+ gains, but that cannot be counted on. In any event, Coles will provide some much needed ath/speed and better defense on the perimenter. Ultimately, he projects as a backup if the staff can bring in better recruits.

S. Lobo: He is another player with unknown limits to his per (h/h). He should help with some b/h and passing though from the 3 position and also provides some much needed improved ath/sp and defense down the road.

Eggleston: The staff ventured across the border to lure this Canadian recruit. He is the "star" recruit of this class. Thankfully, the absolute horrificness of SL was not well known in the land of snow and Moose and the staff was able to sucker Eggleston into coming to town. As soon as he walked on campus, he was the best player on the SL team. He projects to have a very nice combination of speed (h/h) and ath (maybe 60), with great rebounding (hh), great (for SL) defense and is already a solid scorer. The staff will look into r/s him because, let's be honest, his talents are wasted on this team.

Well, that puts a bow on this season's recruiting. Hopefully there will be more to be excited about next season.

I'm going to update this after non-conference ends. My spreadsheet doesn't take into account potential. It's just my rough estimate for performance. Apologies to Hamilton for the harshness of my formula.