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How to Repair Your Marriage (#3 of 5 Installments)

Giving is the Key

Kim Giles, KSL-AM radio’s “Coach Kim” offers a five-part series on “Repairing Your Marriage” at KSL.com. In Part 3, Coach Kim fields the following question from a listener:

“My marriage is not turning out anything like what I wanted. I am doing everything I can to support and love her, but I never get back what I need. I am at the end of her list of priorities and she doesn’t change this, no matter how often I point this out. Then, she points out every mistake I make but won’t see her own. How can I change this?”

Coach Kim offers what may be a rather surprising response, suggesting that if this listener is supporting his spouse and expecting her to reciprocate, both spouses are acting as “getters” as opposed to “givers.” If the writer is being kind only to receive kindness is return, then the kindness is not freely given.

Her response harkens back to what Coach Kim said in Part 1 about neediness:

“Remember, you are only capable of giving real love to your spouse (that [your spouse] will feel and reciprocate) if you don’t need anything. When you give without strings attached, your spouse will feel that as real love and [he or she] will usually respond with real love and appreciation back.”

Coach Kim submits that if married couples want to create and maintain a healthy relationship, they should actively work on three key points every day:

Trust that you are OK, no matter what you get from your spouse.

Forgive your spouse for disappointing you.

Choose to be a giver and give 100 percent all the time.

Attorney Graham Norris and his associates at the Norris Law Group serve the residents of Utah County and throughout Utah in the area of divorce. Contact them today at 801-932-1238 or online for a free consultation. In the next installment, Coach Kim discusses how encouragement can make a big difference in your marriage.

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