Ask Ken: You can get out of debt

It was an interesting week. I have two questions and answers to share with you this week.

Dear Ken: My wife and I have been married for 20 years and we both are spenders. We owe about $124,000 on our mortgage, $45,000 on our second mortgage, $12,000 on our car and $8,000 in credit card debt. We are now feeling the debt is controlling us and would like to start working our way out of the debt. I would like to know your suggestions.

A: Congratulations, it appears you have taken the first steps in dealing with your financial situation. First, you both have come to the realization that your real problem isn't the debt but the attitudes and practices that got you where you are today. Now the challenge is can you make the changes necessary? The keys to success are positive change and discipline.

Both of you will have to do your part in helping and supporting each other to accomplish your goal of getting out of debt. You will both have to learn how to check your spending.

You need to focus on two things:

? The first step to get out of debt is to stop creating debt. So put away the charge cards and start living on cash.

? Change is required. That means small changes in spending habits and lifestyle. You might have to give up going out to eat two or three times a month. Use that savings to pay down your debt.

? Then keep score so you know how well you are doing. That will provide you the reinforcement you need to accomplish your goal.

Dear Ken: My girlfriend is a spender and I'm the saver. Any suggestions on how I can change her?

A: They say opposites attract and that seems to be true in your case. Change is difficult and you can't change a person; they have to want to change themselves. I would suggest sitting down and discussing your financial spending habits and the impact they are having on your relationship. Include your feelings but also try to understand hers. If you are considering marriage, you need to have this discussion now, rather than later. What financial goals do each of you have and what plans to you have accomplish them.

I have had similar discussions with couples over my counseling career and attitude of change is mandatory. The fact is that financial issues are the number one cause of stress and divorce in the country. Our attitudes toward money affect our relationships at home and at work, our decisions on spending for vacations or paying off debt and our lifestyles. Just about every other decision we make is related to money and therefore can affects our stress levels.

The bottom line is: Money issues easily affects the whole family.

The reality is that couples and families that address the money issues in their relationships have a much better chance of staying together and their children have a better chance for financial well-being as well.

Family Service Association is a United Way agency that helps people improve their financial stability and quality of life by providing education, counseling, advocacy and financial management programs.

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Ask Ken: You can get out of debt

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