Tag: Nick Diaz fails drug test

To say that it has been a disturbing week in the world almost does too much justice for the term “disturbing.” It has been an abhorring week. There have been twocases of zombie-like acts of cannibalism reported in the past few days alone. Two. If you can stomach it, see for yourself what the human race is still capable of. Being a bit of a paranoid, Burt Gummer-esque survivalist at heart, upon hearing this news, I immediately took to the stocked gun cabinet that rests in the dining room of my countryside abode, stepped outside, and began target practicing on squirrels, chipmunks, and whatever else happened to cross my path. Because this is how it begins, people. You know, the stuff those guys in face paint and textiles told us would happen so many years ago. And I hate to be a dick, but I warned you fuckers. Many, many times. And you just didn’t want to listen.

(I may not know how to buy a house, but if you give me fifteen minutes I WILL make a four percolator bong out of this.)

Man, the UFC marketing department intern in charge of Lorenzo Fertitta’s Twitter account must be working overtime these past few days. Aside from announcing the Mir/Velasquez, Griffin/Ortiz, and Overeem/JDS fights last night, “Lorenzo” recently held a Twitter Q & A session to set the record straight on this whole Nick Diaz/Puff the Magic Dragon thing. And even if Diaz is planning to retire, his contract with the UFC will remain. You know, just in case he gets the sudden desire to fight B.J. Penn, Karo Parisyan, or Joe Riggs again in some small promotion somewhere.

When asked about Diaz’s Zuffa future, Fertitta was quick to respond, “[I] really like the kid [he] just needs to get it together. I’m a sap for real fighters.” We know, Lorenzo.

We don’t want you to argue about whether or not marijuana should be considered a banned substance, or illegal for that matter, because we already have. Needless to say, if anyone out there actually thinks weed enhances anything but zombie mode on Call of Duty and the enjoyment of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, then they are clearly unfamiliar with the term “enhance.” What we are interested in is what kind of punishment you think Diaz should receive for violating a rule, as silly as it may be. Three months? Six months? A year? Well, barring a successful appeal, which, come on, it’s looking like it will be a year or more before we see Diaz in the octagon, if at all.

Perhaps even more hilarious than the predicament Diaz has put himself in was how the MMA community responded to his failed drug test. Check out some of the best tweets, compiled by MMAFighting.com, after the jump.