In support of the second viewpoint, a recent Pew Research Center study suggests that if divorced parents remarry, the kids’ own marriages may benefit from the example of a parent’s second, happier union. Indeed, some 60% of children who grow up in stepfamilies say their marriages are closer than those of their own biological parents, says the Pew survey of 2,691 adults, conducted last October. Also, some 70% of people with step-relatives say they are very satisfied with their family lives, the Pew study shows. The study indicates that stepkids may be benefiting from a parent’s positive bond with a stepparent.

Still, blood is thicker than water. The 42% of Americans who have at least one step-relative typically feel a stronger sense of obligation to their biological parent, child or sibling than to their step-relatives, the Pew survey says. Significantly higher percentages of respondents said they would feel obligated to provide financial help or care to a biological relative who was in trouble, compared with those who would help a step-relative who was in trouble.

Readers, have you seen children benefit from time spent in stepfamilies? Do you think a parent’s second marriage can serve as a positive example for kids? Have you seen this happen? Or have you more often seen examples of unhappy stepfamilies?

Comments (5 of 18)

Its hard to imagine divorce helping kids. Its like saying a broken leg makes you walk better later. As a veteran of 5 divorces I can say I overcame a lot in my life but none of the divorces made me happy, healthy, or played a positive role in my life. Nobody was seriously hurt in the many divorces but my parents never found happiness later in life either - they both kept going through relationships like a slow motion train wreck. Some lasted 10 years but in the end the result was the same - divorce/separation. I think the kids that are in a marriage that is happy and healthy are probably going to have less stress in their lives with step parents, step siblings, step grandparents, etc.

I agree that kids benefit from growing up in an atmosphere of stability, love, and respect. I don't think that the "traditional" Leave It to Beaver family structure is the only way to achieve that, nor is it a guarantee of anything. I do think that it helps to have an idea of what a happy family looks like in order to have one yourself. Both DH and I are children of divorced parents. Mine divorced when I was very young, so I don't remember the bad times leading up to it and it felt like the norm. Both my parents were involved in my life in a positive way, but until I was a young adult, I never really new any married couples well enough to get insight into what a happy marriage looked like (my grandparents died when I was pretty young). DH's parents divorced when he was a young teen, so he remembers more of the split and it affected him more. His dad remarried to a nice lady and they have a good marriage, so he saw both sides of the coin. So I guess having a step parent may have helped in that respect.

Neither of my parents ever remarried. I wish they had, mainly so that they wouldn't be facing old age on their own now, but I guess that is a slightly different topic.

9:24 am July 6, 2011

Felicitas wrote :

I think kids benefit from being raised in an atmosphere of love. Not only love for them, which of course is the basic and most vital need, but also love among their parents or a parent and the person he/she chooses to be with. I strongly believe that seeing their parents in a strong and healthy love relationship is mentally and psychologically very important for the kid's development. If that happens between biological parents all the better, but if biological parents stick together without that bond, i think it ends up being harmful for everyone.

1:20 am July 6, 2011

Lebo.com wrote :

Our children get panished for what we did. Live the child whith the mom

About The Juggle

The Juggle examines the choices and tradeoffs people make as they juggle work and family. The site provides readers with news, insight and tips on parenting, workplace issues, commuting, caregiving and other issues busy readers with families face. It is also a place for readers to share and compare their own work-and-family experiences and to seek advice and recommendations. The Juggle is includes regular contributions from other staffers at the Journal. Contact the Juggle with ideas or suggestions at thejuggle@wsj.com