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Time To Judge! (Celebrity Kitchens Part 1)

Hey Appliance Fans,

You can’t make this stuff up….I mean, you can.

Today’s post allows me to showcase just how cool my job is: we’re going to look at pictures of celebrity kitchens and comment on them. What fun, right?!? I mean, celebrities are constantly being judged in the tabloids and since this blog has the journalistic integrity of The Weekly World News, I figure I have the right to judge these kitchens. Nothing captures the holiday season more than bitterly judging famous people. And without further ado….

Iron Chef Michael Symon

Am I more iron? Or more chef?

Why WOULDN’T we want to see what these celebrity chefs have in their kitchen? We all know Michael Symon from Food Network’s Iron Chef. He’s the guy that brought back Cleveland’s restaurant scene (have you ever been to Cleveland? I didn’t know it had a restaurant scene to lose). He has described his cooking as “meat-centric”. You had me at “meat-centric”.

Michael is CLEARLY all about Viking. He’s got the double wall ovens, what looks like a 48” range top, and of course the built-in refrigerator on the right side of the picture. Note the toaster oven on the counter top and the counter top coffee maker. How much you wanna bet he uses that toaster oven more than his wall ovens? I’m thinking this is the classic case of “the shoe maker’s children have no shoes”. I bet he makes peanut butter and jelly more times than he makes rack of lamb in this kitchen. Obviously this has an ULTRA modern look, which isn’t my cup of tea, but a lot of people seem to like this look.

Justin Timberlake

I found a picture that makes Justin look uglier than I am!!

Let’s put some things into perspective here: Justin is a 31 year old mega –singer and sex symbol. Oh yeah, he’s now starting to make more and more movies. So how much time do you think he spends cooking? The bigger question is: how much time does the Kieffer Guy spend wishing he was Justin Timberlake? I will not answer that. Anyway, let’s pop the hood and see what he’s got in his I’m-cooler-than-you’ll-ever-be kitchen:

The dude LOVES Sub-Zero and Wolf. He’s got the `L` series double ovens, what looks like a 36” rangetop with black knobs, and a built-in microwave. Not sure what the wine unit is, but he clearly has the Sub-Zero Pro 48 without the glass door as his refrigerator. I don’t want to speculate on what his ventilation is, but I’d imagine it’s Wolf considering the other cooking appliances are Wolf.

Tracy Morgan

Maybe you know who he is, maybe you don’t. And that pretty much sums up his career: sometimes he’s funny, most of the time he isn’t. You may have seen him on Saturday Night Live (see any of his skits when he plays Star Jones from “The View”) and he currently stars on the NBC show 30 Rock.

Clearly this guy likes stainless steel and Viking (and the color red). So far, this is my favorite kitchen. Check out the 48” range and matching hood. I can’t really tell if all of his under counter cabinetry is actual cabinetry or if there are some refrigeration units in there. It looks as if his dishwasher is on the right side of the picture, and it’s too hard to tell what brand he has washing his dishes. The wine unit he has LOOKS like a Sub-Zero, but I can’t say for certain.

Angelina Jolie

Do I even need to explain who she is? Tomb Raider, Girl Interrupted, and Mr. & Mrs. Smith are just some of her movies, but she’s most famous for marrying Billy Bob Thorton; carrying a vial of his blood around her neck; and generally being a crazy whackadoo. Oh yeah, she’s also a Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations.

Not much to go off of in this picture. The refrigerator looks like a Thermador, but the handles are different from what I’m used to from Thermador. The dishwasher is just too difficult to identify – it could be a Miele.

Lindsay Lohan

Her complexion lends itself to “Prison Orange”

She used to be famous for doing movies, now she’s famous for doing drugs and being an overall mess. I like to think of her as the female Charlie Sheen. We’re all waiting for her to go down in flames, but in the meantime, let’s look at her kitchen:

I can’t see a darn appliance in this whole picture, which is REALLY strange, right? I mean who doesn’t put any appliances in their kitchen? And then it hit me: you don’t need to cook alcohol and cocaine. Yes, I went there.

Lance Armstrong

Update Post Oprah Interview: Probably not as much of a winner as we originally thought…

This is my FAVORITE kitchen so far. Just look how warm and inviting it is. Once again Viking is a winner here. From this angle it looks like a 48” or a 60” range with a griddle. There looks like some kind of awesome coffee system on the right, but I can’t tell what brand. Below the coffee system is some more stainless steel goodness, but I can’t tell what it is (maybe a microwave?) or who makes it.

Will Smith

Being located in the Philly area, I HAD to find a Philadelphia celebrity to feature. Enter, Will Smith. In West Philadelphia, born and raised, on a playground is where he spent most of his days. Now…….not so much. Instead, he’s chilling in his ULTRA ULTRA ULTRA modern kitchen:

One word describes this kitchen: MIELE. Miele cooktop, ventilation, wine, in wall coffee system, double ovens, and either a speed or steam oven (next to the coffee system). The only thing I don’t know anything about is the refrigerator. Look closely at the handles. There is no vertical handle to open the refrigerator portion of the unit. It looks like there are two horizontal handles. One for the freezer and one for the refrigerator. My best guess is that someone made a custom door front to a Miele refrigerator (when you have Will Smith money you can do stuff like that). I don’t know for sure if it’s Miele refrigeration, but it’s a good guess considering everything else in the kitchen is.

Jennifer Aniston

How could I mention Brad Pitt’s current main squeeze and NOT mention his former main squeeze? She doesn’t know it yet, but we’ll be together someday. And when that day comes, I will serve her the best Ramen Noodles she’s ever had using her Viking 36” range with six burners.

Lady Gaga

The hat keeps the government’s brain scans away.

Born on the planet Zantar, Ms. Gaga decided to leave that boring world and crash land in America – where she can be accepted for her dresses made of meat and whatever else she finds in a dumpster behind her local Arby’s. You’d think that a person dressed like this would have a kitchen that looks like this:

The word of the day is “Gaga”

Turns out as crazy as she seems, she’s got a normal kitchen. Too hard to decipher what she is cooking on, but I had to share this anyway: