"He thinks that liberals are hiding in his closet, in his stove, and peeping out of his wife's blouse," said the doctor. "This attack of paranoid schizophrenia," the doctor said, "was brought on by the unusual amount of drugs found in his system. He just can't seem to quit his "doctor shopping" and OxyContin addiction. They also found evidence of marijuana, LSD, STP, opium, heroine, cocaine, and alcohol in his blood.

"It's amazing that he hasn't died of an overdose by now," said the doctor. "It's amazing how many drugs that man takes! He needs to join Alcoholics Anonymous, and QUICK!"

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