Monday, January 08, 2007

The child within us…

As we surge through our hectic days, many of us are so busy being "adults" by addressing our responsibilities and obligations that we forget there is still a part of us that is essential to our well-being and happiness....the child within us.

The other day my parents had been to one of our relative’s house and the kid there was celebrating her third birthday. Since they hadn’t taken any presents, my dad gave her two 100 rupee notes to buy something for herself… To their surprise she returned one of the notes saying she was happy with only one…After she was cajoled to take both of them, she gave one each to her dad and mom…It was a simple innocent gesture from her, but tells a lot about how the mind of a child works…I kept wondering when was the last time I had done something like that. When I couldn’t recollect any such incident I realized that I had truly grown up!!! (And for the first time I wasn’t really happy being a grown-up and the responsible guy, as the society sees it :))

As we grow older the child within us diminishes…The innocence and spontaneity is lost. Our perceptions change. The way we judge people change…We start using different scales for classifying people…Its something that happens over a period of time…Every experience will teach us to be much harder so that we can survive in this society full of “adults”!!! I remember an incident during my childhood, I was profusely crying for something and when no consolation from my parents worked they told me that I was crying like a girl…That single statement made such an impact that it made me determined not to cry unless I cant handle it any further…I try as hard as I can to avoid crying in the company of others…It is manifested even while watching movies…Unless I am alone I don’t cry irrespective of how emotional the movie is…

As “adults”, every time we do something we think hundred times whether it’s an appropriate thing to do both in our opinion and most importantly in the opinion of others…The perception and the way of thinking are so much different. From having no expectations, to having minimal, we graduate with having expectations from everything. From self expectations to expectations from parents, relatives and friends. Even God is not spared!!! The degree of expectation is something which gets constantly revised based on how much or how far the other person meets it…

Why do we have expectation in the first place which we know ultimately lead to more harm than good? Wouldn’t it be simpler if we carry on with our chores and continue doing whatever seems best for us without expecting anything in return? Why do we feel betrayed when certain things doesn’t turn out the way we want / when someone doesn’t live upto “our” expectations?Why cant we just maintain some kind of minimum watermark, anything beyond which is a bonus…As usual it’s a theoretical solution, with practical limitations…:). But what is life without expectations and rewards? All it has done is raise the stakes a little higher…Maybe its better to tackle them head on instead of running away from them…

When you cease to dream, you cease to live. And when you dream there are always expectations. As long as there are expectations there will be shortfalls, which in turn might cause misery. A vicious cycle that cannot be avoided and maybe must not be avoided, but instead use it to our advantage.Defeat is not when you fall down, but when you refuse to get up!!!

I should add that in all this hangama you forget that there is a “child within us” who could be very happy with the smallest of things or should I say with almost anything…

3 comments:

Another one I could relate to.... Only difference being, I'm not getting tougher, no control over my tongue and hardly think before I speak :( and I continue to repeat my mistakes (though I realize it is a mistake only after seeing the results which otherwise would be a "good" thing to do) :'(

@Divya: There are aspects that we dont understand.. There are thresholds that we need to cross before we can make that 'change' permanent. Until then we will continue to be within that learning curve.. If you think you havent changed much, maybe you are yet to cross that threshold and in the mean time if you feel sad for whatever is happening, you shouldnt.. Certain things take longer to change than others but believe those are the things that will stay with us longer too..

Also, one unwarranted advice..Maybe its high time you start believing that you are improving, you are taking the right calls which are making you better and you need to be happy for whats happening as you are improving daily.. Confidence is everything.. and the only person that can give you that is U..:) The more you believe the more others will also believe in it.. It actually works..:)

May be yes.... I am probably being too pessimistic.... Though I feel no guilt of doing anything wrong, still, things go bad... Donno why... And thanks for the unwarranted advice.. It really did make me a lot better!