Friday, March 29, 2013

Rated: RStars: Halle Berry, Abigail Breslin, Michael Eklund, Morris Chestnut Director: Brad AndersonGenre: ThrillerIn most films where some crazed psychopath is on the loose, those who encounter him always do something really stupid that puts their lives in jeopardy. Otherwise, the plot won't work. In The Call, EVERYBODY, including the bad guy, does stupid things--which, needless to say, makes the whole plot pretty... uh... stupid. But director Brad Anderson, who gave us the excellent Transsiberian , has crafted a fairly decent (though totally formulaic) thriller here, aided by deft editing and a music score that effectively ratchets up the tension and suspense throughout.

And by now, most sophisticated film fans--such as you and me--are pretty forgiving of implausible plot elements, as long as the movie takes us on a wild enough ride. Jordan (Halle Berry) is a 911 dispatcher in L.A., where the phones never stop ringing. Sometimes it's just a lovable drunk the operators are familiar with, but sometimes it's a teenage girl who's about to be abducted by the aforementioned psycho (portrayed convincingly with just the right amount of creepiness by Michael Eklund). Jordan does her best to handle the situation and steer it toward a good end, but it all goes awry when the girl's body is discovered. This haunts Jordan, because she did something STUPID while on the phone with the girl. Now her nerves are frayed, and she opts for the job of teaching new operator recruits, rather than manning the phones. And as The Call follows the formula for these kinds of movies to the hilt, you know that another teen girl (Abigail Breslin) is going to end up in the clutches of the perp, who then does the STUPIDEST thing himself. Everybody knows that every teenage girl carries a cell phone, but this guy fails to check to see if she's got one on her when he stuffs her into the trunk of his car and peels out! So the abductee, named Casey, calls 911 from inside her claustrophobic confines.

The operator who takes the call becomes frazzled and turns to Jordan, saying she doesn't know what to do. (This film does not inspire confidence in the ability of 911 dispatchers to remain calm and cool under pressure--or for that matter, the effectiveness of police response time!) After some momentary soul searching, Jordan takes over. She is in her element again, and she gives Casey some creative instructions on how to try to save herself.When police units are unsuccessful in honing in on the maniac's whereabouts, (and as you will see, he is one twisted dude) Jordan does the CLASSIC stupid thing and gets personally involved, tracking him down and placing herself in harm's way. Be forewarned there are a couple of scenes of some real nasty gore in The Call. There is also some eyebrow-raising titillation involving Abigail Breslin, (whom you may remember as the precocious kid from Sunshine Cleaning) age 16 at the time of filming, stripped down to her skimpy bra. With all of its flaws, such as the bare bones of a subplot involving Jordan's cop boyfriend (Morris Chestnut) that is never developed, this movie does keep you glued to your seat right up to its twisted surprise twist at the end.You make the call.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Rated: RStars: Rooney Mara, Jude Law, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Channing TatumDirector: Steven SoderberghGenre: Psychological ThrillerNot since we all bought into the idea that Lois Lane couldn't figure out that Clark Kent and Superman were the same dude--just because Clark wore glasses and Superman didn't-- has our willing suspension of disbelief been stretched to the point of losing its elasticity like a five year-old pair of boxer shorts. But besides the highly implausible and convoluted plot, it's a pretty engrossing yarn of deception and intrigue that's being spun in Side Effects.Rooney Mara is Emily Taylor, an unstable woman who deliberately crashes her car inside a parking garage and ends up taking anti-depressants under the care of shrink Jonathan Banks (Jude Law). One of the side-effects of the drug she is taking is sleepwalking, and in one of those episodes she stabs her husband,(Channing Tatum) to death. Which was adding insult to injury because he just got out of the pokey after doing a four year stint for insider trading, and now look... he's dead. (Damn, didn't you read the label on this stuff? It says quite clearly that it may cause drowsiness, headache, AND A SUDDEN AND OVERWHELMING DESIRE TO MURDER YOUR SPOUSE!) Emily goes on trial, pleads insanity, and is confined to a mental institution. In a sense, this is where Side Effects begins, as the roller coaster plot unfolds from here. And much like The Sixth Sense, nothing is what it appears to be. Catherine Zeta-Jones has a very interesting turn as Emily's former therapist, complete with lesbo scenes. She's one of the last I would expect to go that route, but you know, DAHLING, no one can be considered a serious actress TODAY without it on your resume.Side Effects will have you shaking your head due to its sheer bravado in asking you to say, "Uh...it could happen." And while you can figure out who's the good guy and who's the bad guy in most films, there is no one here who turns out lily white at the end.

Also from Tim Schaefer...

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This site is a labor of love. My real job is: ASSISTANT TO THE ASSISTANT TO THE ASSISTANT SPITTOON CLEANER. It's an honest living, and I have a lot of time to think and write while waiting for the head spittoon cleaner, and the assistant spittoon cleaner, and the assistant to the assistant spittoon cleaner to call in drunk, which gives me my chance to really SHINE!

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WELCOME TO TIMMY'S NOODLE !

When I was a little kid my family would take me to the movies, but I don't remember ever arriving on time to see the beginning of the film. That was okay because, in those days, theatres would let you pay your admission and watch the picture more than once, if you so desired. (These were single screen theatres, so you didn't have people viewing one film and then trying to sneak into another--a not uncommon occurrence at today's multiplexes.) The theatre was a convenient place for vagrants to snooze the day away. (Now it's the public library!)

We'd watch the movie from whatever point it had progressed to when we arrived, then catch the first fifteen minutes or so during the next showing, finally grasping--in a somewhat anti-climactic way--what we hadn't understood about the characters and the plot because we'd missed certain critical information at the beginning.

And that's how the phrase "THIS IS WHERE WE CAME IN" was born.

It seemed lots of people were accustomed to viewing films in this casual manner because, after all, it was only "entertainment." But somewhere along the way, the theatre owners realized they could put more butts in the seats (and thus reap more profits) by booting everyone out after each showing and making them pay twice if they wanted to see the flick again. The unintended consequence of the policy was that it generated a newfound respect for the medium of film, if only from the standpoint that everyone started showing up on time to see the production in its entirety.

We've come a long way from those Doris Day movies of the fifties where the film censors dictated that if a man and woman were reclining upon a bed, they'd have to have at least one foot touching the floor! Today, every issue and situation that affects our lives is portrayed frankly--and graphically--in film. And that makes the medium more relevant to our lives than ever before. With that in mind, come take a look at what's inside Timmy's Noodle.

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Lenny Bruce died for our speech

TIMOTEO ON ACTING: We cannot pretend in our minds to NOT be doing something we are ACTUALLY doing, and then dismiss it as just "acting." Acting is living out one's fantasies without having to take responsibility for it.

BARF!

Because we want you to have a HEALTHY movie going experience, Timmy's Noodle will not knowingly review films that have a promotional tie-in (little action figures to lure kids into the burger joint, etc.) with a fast food restaurant chain!