It is not down in any map; true places never are.

Month: April 2009

Family has been on my mind a lot lately. Actually, probably since my grandfather passed away in December and it stirred up a bunch of underlying issues about family for me. Secrets, lies, deceit, what’s real, what isn’t, what family is supposed to be as opposed to what it is. I don’t know.

Parts of me wonder if its this way for everyone, if every family has its undertones of something not good. Other parts of me wonder if sweeping it under the rug is what caused this disdain between members of clan. Perhaps its even just a matter of us all being human. Maybe when we are related to people we expect that they will treat us better, lovingly, perfectly. It just doesn’t happen that way though. There’s always something.

Sometimes its baffling to me what people in your family will hold against one another for years, but then forgive people who treat them badly outside of the family….like friends. Or that they will reach out to people they don’t even know more than they do to those who are related by blood. It’s amazing to me how people will focus soley on what you do or say and hurt you, all the while brushing their own selfishness and careless mistakes aside. It just gets old and then at some point I guess you just stop trying. It’s not that I don’t care, but I think people just have to find their own way.

Maybe thats it. Family is just what you make of it and everybody in the family will have a different perception and contribution that is their own truth.

You just have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you did what you could, with what you had and the rest is on the other party.