Pendennis

As the 25th anniversary of the Falklands War approaches, prepare for something of a U-turn from the government. Some months ago, it was reported that the Ministry of Defence would not be sending a minister to the Falklands to commemorate the event. This was seen in some quarters as a snub to the memory of the soldiers who fought Margaret Thatcher's campaign, but still our leaders seemed unlikely to change their minds. Now I learn that Veterans Minister Derek Twigg has after all hatched a plan to travel to the islands, which are about 300 miles off the Argentina coast.

'The original worry was that we didn't want to be seen dancing on the graves of the dead or too wholeheartedly embracing a Conservative war and a Conservative victory,' says a government source. 'We always planned celebrations in London, but the idea of going all that way seemed unnecessary. Now, we realise that it would be a sensible thing to do and Derek plans to accompany a group of soldiers who fought there, later in the year when the weather is better.'

The reason for this change of heart appears to lie in Labour's complex relationship with military matters. Afghanistan, Iraq and Northern Ireland look likely to play key roles in any consideration of the party's decade in power and the government's interaction with the military has become the subject of serious spinning at the top as the Conservative threat ramps up. Now they have a chance to fly the flag and don't want to miss it. Margaret Thatcher, meanwhile, is felt to be 'too old' to travel to the islands, but talks are continuing with the MoD to secure her a role in celebrations here.

Surely Labour wouldn't be a sinking ship if Gordon Brown took over?

Will there, as George Osborne hopes, be defections from the Labour party to the Conservatives if Gordon Brown becomes Prime Minister?

I am told that at least four ultra-loyalist Blairites are having discussions with the Tory party about jumping ship if Brown takes over.

'There are seats on offer,' says a Tory source, 'for anyone who has such a fear of Gordon Brown that they would rather see David Cameron in Number 10. Among those considering it are a junior minister, an MP, a lord and a Downing Street official. There may be others.'

'Whereas most of the party wants to unite and fight,' says my Labour mole, 'there are definitely those who have spent 10 years hating Gordon and won't stop now.'

Losing even one senior party figure would obviously be profoundly damaging for the government as well as a huge boost to Camp Cameron.

Pass the duke the smelling salts

Web-based shopping guide Daily Candy suggests buying sexy lingerie decorated with rosaries: 'Bras, knickers and cheeky chastity belts adorned with rosary necklaces in Heavenly [white] or Devilish [black].' The mail-out is written by Kinvara Balfour. I wonder what her uncle makes of it. He is the Duke of Norfolk, officially Britain's leading Catholic layman.

Norman wisdom

Silver badger Lord Lamont was at the launch party for James Hanning and Francis Elliott's biography of Dave Cameron, The Rise of the New Conservative, to hear the authors recount how, while he was still Lamont's lackey, the Tory leader responded to a phone call with the words: 'If that's Norman Lamont, tell him to fuck off.' It must have been the wine talking when diminutive Tory MP Alan Duncan muttered: 'We've all been there.'

Ooh, er matron

Naughty nurse turned TV presenter Abi Titmuss, is putting her name to a new book. She promises details of encounters with 'a footballer, a singer and an actor'. Sadly, she declines to elaborate until her co-writer, Lucie Cave of Heat magazine, has finished it.

Please let us see Chris Tarrant doing it his way

Paging Michael Grade. There are some programmes in your vaults that we'd like to see. Before they split acrimoniously, Chris Tarrant and his wife, Ingrid, drove around England in a classic car for a series, My Way, filmed by ITV following a successful pilot show.

It is ready for broadcast but, before it was scheduled, Tarrant's affair became public knowledge, the couple started divorce proceedings and Grade's predecessors decided it was unsuitable television. Both Tarrants have agreed that the broadcaster can use it, however.

'Of all the people in the world, I'd be most keen to see it,' says Ingrid. 'There was a camera in the car and all that time we were together, he was also having an affair. Knowing that, I'd love to watch his body language.' As, I'd imagine, would a good many other viewers.

Kinnock turns his back on greatness

Following last week's item on Lords Kinnock and Stoddart, both have been in touch. Kinnock breaks his silence on whether he is being lined up as Gordon Brown's Leader of the House of Lords. 'I do not want any government post at any time,' he tells me, doubtless to the disappointment of the Chancellor. Meanwhile, Stoddart wishes to make it clear that he did not leave Labour because of a dispute over Europe: he was expelled because he objected to the imposition of the Tory defector Shaun Woodward on the Labour seat of St Helens South and he even sent £50 to an independent rival. How very principled.

Whoops - that's a bit of a cock-up

Red-faced staff at Cancer Research UK have written to inform supporters that an internet address they've been circulating for information instead provides a selection of gay pornography. 'This bit of code has been redirecting people to a gay porn site with pictures of big willies on it,' reads their note. 'We really don't want to be sending our supporters to pictures of willies. Our vision statement [Together we will beat cancer] is not "Together we will look at willies".' Was it really necessary to repeat the word three times?