Thursday 15 December 2011 17.26 EST
First published on Thursday 15 December 2011 17.26 EST

Vladimir Putin painted a colourful picture of Russia's protesters on Thursday, describing them as agents of the west, attending useless demonstrations with condoms pinned to their chests as they sought the downfall of the motherland.

In his first comments on the unrest which broke out in Russia following the disputed parliamentary election, the prime minister made sure to mock, dismiss and hint at the treason of the tens of thousands who have turned out to protest against his rule.

During his annual television call-in show, that ran more than four and a half hours, he first attempted to take credit for the spontaneous expression of discontent: "If this is the result of the Putin regime, then I'm truly pleased that we have such people in our country now."

He then changed tack to say the protesters were students who had been paid to attend, before settling on a favoured tactic of blaming all problems on the west.

"This is a developed scheme to destabilise society that did not rise up on its own," Putin said, before turning his attention to the symbol that has been adopted by protesters to show their discontent – a white ribbon, according to protesters; a condom, according to the powerful prime minister.

"Frankly, when I looked at the television screen and saw something hanging from someone's chest, honestly, it's indecent, but I decided that it was propaganda to fight Aids – that they had hung, pardon, a condom up," Putin said.

Russia's internet-savvy protesters promptly responded by mocking up a picture of Putin wearing a condom on his chest, which became a big web hit within minutes.

Putin made no mention of Hillary Clinton, the US secretary of state, who he has previously accused of masterminding the protests. Instead, he directed his wrath at John McCain, the US senator who tweeted that the Arab spring had come to Moscow as the protests first took hold last week.

"It's well known that Mr McCain was taken prisoner in Vietnam and was sent not to just serve time in jail, but in a pit," Putin said. "Anybody would lose their head. McCain fought in Vietnam – I think that he has enough civilian blood on his hands. He probably can't live without these horrific, disgusting scenes with Gaddafi, when TV screens around the world showed how he was killed, all in blood. Is that democracy?" Putin went on to accuse a US drone attack of killing the former Libyan leader.

In response, McCain tweeted: "Dear Vlad, is it something I said?"

It wasn't all wrath and fury – although Putin made sure to point out that the US feared Russia's geographical size and its nuclear arsenal and "didn't want allies, but vassals".

The presidential candidate also waxed lyrical on boosting pensions and delivering housing to the military, populist moves designed to boost his popularity ahead of the 4 March vote.

When asked whether it was "time to stop feeding the Caucasus," an increasingly popular nationalist slogan calling for Moscow to cut off the region because of the gilded lifestyles of people such as Ramzan Kadyrov, the thuggish leader of Chechnya, who is known for collecting luxury cars. Putin replied: "I'm sure corruption in Chechnya is minimal."

Critical Russians highlighted further apparent lapses of connection to reality when Putin addressed the subject of the booing he received at a sporting event last month, the moment that exposed the myth of his all-reaching popularity.

"When I started to talk, really, some kind of noise started from one of the sections [in the stadium]," Putin said. "I didn't hear any boos … and, by the way, the speech ended with applause."

As for those who ensured that a video of the incident went viral on the internet, Putin said: "That's their job, they get paid for it." The video's popularity was boosted after it was posted on the blog of jailed protest leader Alexey Navalny.

Not even oligarchs got away easily, with Putin apparently admitting that even close allies such as Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich had a sordid past.

He said he wished the current trial between Abramovich and exiled oligarch Boris Berezovsky had been held in Russia and not at London's high court. "That would be more honest – for them and for our country," Putin said. "The money was made and stolen here – let them divvy it up here, too."

The only man who appeared safe from Putin's grasp was Dmitry Medvedev, Russia's president. Putin only mentioned him once during the nearly 300-minute long spectacle, prompting many observers to question whether the outgoing president would be allowed to follow through with his planned job swap with Putin.

When not bashing Russia's protesters, warning the west against interfering in the country's internal affairs and rattling off endless statistics on wages, GDP and inflation, Putin appeared calm.

When an emailed question was read, asking whether it was true the Kremlin held emergency night-time meetings after Moscow's protests began on 5 December, Putin replied, with his customary flair: "I'll say it openly, I didn't notice any confusion out there. Frankly, at that time, I was trying – and am still trying – to learn how to play hockey."

• This article was amended on 19 December 2011. The original said that Putin replied, with his customary flare. This has been corrected.