It’s not hard to fall in love with an inanimate object; I’ve fallen in love with books, with a breeze on a hot day, with sandwiches. But I never got any attention for it! This moose, however, is garnering tons of attention for its infatuation with an inanimate object: a statue of a moose.

A moose in Grand Lake, Colorado has fallen for a literally statuesque doppelganger and observers are amused. The statue, erected (lol) less than a week ago, has become the subject of the admiration of a local bull moose. The local bull moose has been seen repeatedly and frequently “mounting” the statue in question. And he doesn’t just jump right in: being the gentle lover that moose are known as, the moose provides foreplay, “nuzzling, and kiss[ing] as he walks around” before “he gets on top,” said a local.

Other locals have provided incredible insight into this phenomena: “The strange thing is he’s trying to mate with a statue,” said one observer, who claims his name is Bob Balink but is obviously Sherlock Holmes.

No efforts have been made to stop the moose from mounting his one true love, even though this can hardly be good for the statue’s paint job.

Both statue and living moose are males, (or the statue is OF a male, rather.) Unfortunately, despite acceptance of civil unions, gay marriage is still illegal in Colorado, adding another barrier to the love between these two moose (the other barriers being ‘moose aren’t allowed to get married,’ and ‘you can’t say “I do,” if you’re a statue,’ and ‘I’m pretty sure even living moose can’t talk.’) Does this story lend credence to all those nutjobs who say gay marriage is a slippery slope to people marrying chairs and stuff? Whelp, my mind’s made up, I’m a bigot now I guess.

Sean Morrow thinks stuff. He has won some awards for plays he wrote, even though they
were 90% boner jokes. He has written for Nerve, The Huffington Post, and apparently
HelloGiggles. He loved his dog, but it's dead. Sean is honored to be among the elite
few to have a Twitter- @snmrrw.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=721394645 Paula Boardman

The plural is Moosen. Much many moosen.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1452726578 Joy Bohlin

Haha, erected. This article totally cracked me up! And obviously Turtle Boy is a giant boy riding on the back of an extremely happy turtle; through time and space and oceans blue.

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