Subject:Story Written Half By A Man, Half By A Woman

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here'sa prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the tandemstory. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the personsitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write thefirst paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the firstparagraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first personwill then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep thestory coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wishto say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree aconclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

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STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. Thecamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, nowreminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that heliked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind offCarl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him toomuch her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of thequestion.

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(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron nowin orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than theneuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he hadspent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," hesaid into his transgalactic communicator "Polar orbit established. No signof resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particlebeam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargobay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat andacross the cockpit.

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(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt onelast pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had everhad feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointlesshostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes LawPermanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaperone morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She staredout the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passedunhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television todistract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful thingsaround her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" shepondered wistfully.

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(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousandsof miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first ofits lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed theUnilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had leftEarth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who weredetermined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passageof the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carryingenough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missileentered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobilesubmarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt theinconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on theconference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

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(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. Mywriting partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

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(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts atwriting are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomiletea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm an airheaded bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

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(Rebecca)

*******.

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(Gary)

*****.

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(Rebecca)

Wanker.

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(Gary)

Slut.

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(Rebecca)

Get f****d.

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(Gary)

Eat s**t.

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(Rebecca)

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

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(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

************************************************** ***********

(Teacher) A+ - I really liked this one.

Subject:Re: Story Written Half By A Man, Half By A Woman

Written By:deadrockstaron05/26/06 at 9:41 am

I gotta agree with Gary here. Rebecca's writing is a bit tidious.

Subject:Re: Story Written Half By A Man, Half By A Woman

Written By:Bobbyon05/26/06 at 9:48 am

Heh heh. Pretty funny expose of pretentiousness by Gary. ;D

Subject:Re: Story Written Half By A Man, Half By A Woman

Written By:La Rocheon05/26/06 at 10:41 am

Gary is obviously a tortured soul.

I can sense an urgency in his writing, he must express how he feels before it escapes him.

Rebbeca is dull.

Subject:Re: Story Written Half By A Man, Half By A Woman

Written By:deadrockstaron05/26/06 at 10:54 am

Gary is obviously a tortured soul.

I can sense an urgency in his writing, he must express how he feels before it escapes him.

Rebbeca is dull.

;D

Subject:Re: Story Written Half By A Man, Half By A Woman

Written By:Bobbyon05/26/06 at 12:53 pm

Gary is obviously a tortured soul.

I can sense an urgency in his writing, he must express how he feels before it escapes him.

Rebbeca is dull.

There is definitely an interesting contrast.

Subject:Re: Story Written Half By A Man, Half By A Woman

Written By:La Rocheon05/26/06 at 12:54 pm

There is definitely an interesting contrast.

Of course sir.

I believe that when Gary say's "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

He is referring to his past. His relationship with his Father and the inter-marital affairs that gary knew about but never informed his mother of before her death.

Oh to be an English teacher.

Subject:Re: Story Written Half By A Man, Half By A Woman

Written By:Bobbyon05/26/06 at 12:56 pm

Of course sir.

I believe that when Gary say's "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

He is referring to his past. His relationship with his Father and the inter-marital affairs that gary knew about but never informed his mother of before her death.

Oh to be an English teacher.

Ha ha! You certainly should be an English literature teacher. What do you make of Rebecca's indecisive tea-drinking antics?

Subject:Re: Story Written Half By A Man, Half By A Woman

Written By:La Rocheon05/26/06 at 12:56 pm

Ha ha! You certainly should be an English literature teacher. What do you make of Rebecca's indecisive tea-drinking antics?

It's clear that she's in denial about her blatent lesbianism.

Subject:Re: Story Written Half By A Man, Half By A Woman

Written By:Bobbyon05/26/06 at 12:57 pm

It's clear that she's in denial about her blatent lesbianism.

Interesting observation, she is certainly interested in drinking from the cup . . .

Subject:Re: Story Written Half By A Man, Half By A Woman

Written By:La Rocheon05/26/06 at 12:59 pm

Interesting observation, she is certainly interested in drinking from the cup . . .