Like this:

Patience is a virtue I do not seem to possess…. Whether that’s a part of having BPD or just being me, I don’t know. What I do know is that it’s frustrating when the ball is in the other person’s court and you have no control over the outcome….

Like this:

You are responsible for only your happiness… You can make only yourself happy… The onus of your own happiness lies in your hands… It is impossible to make anyone else happy. So, don’t even try. Try that in which you can succeed… Making yourself truly happy. You will see that the happier you become, the happier will people around you will get…. Automatically…. All on their own… Because you distribute only that which you have…. If you are miserable, you distribute misery among others…. If you are angry, you make the people around you angry…. Thus, if you are happy, you will pass on that happiness to others… So, the only effort you can really make to see your near and dear ones happy is by being happy and at peace with yourself. One cannot occur without the other. They are a twin occurrence. Only a mind at peace can be truly happy. Be happy….

Drawing a blank each time I think of writing something…. If I lose this then there are only a few things left with me which are worth living for…. The bad dark is coming closer and closer today….is clinging too close to the surface….I wish to shoo it away but I am just too tired…wish someone could do it for me…take away the bad darkness and leave me in peace with the good, soothing darkness so that I could just draw it deep inside me, hide in it and relax and rejuvenate a little bit…sink deep in it….take a little break from the world around me…I need some “me” time…not going to get it any time soon…waiting for next week to come as soon as possible…going for a Vipassana retreat….it will be 10 days of total fun for me…lots of peace, silence and “me” time…. Patience, dear heart, patience…next week is not that far…