Inside you will find the ramblings of a highly opinionated, sometimes bat-shit crazy woman who can often be defined as somewhere between the modern-day supermom wannabe and a tree-hugging hippie weirdo. If you don't get me...that's ok. Neither do my friends or family most of the time, but they still love me:o)

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Let's get some things straight first. I don't believe in abortion. I do believe life begins at conception.

But to say I'd never get one means that I never predict that I'll ever be raped and get pregnant. Means that I never expect myself in a life or death situation in which I might have to choose between the fetus or myself. Means my doctors will never tell me that something has gone wrong in my pregnancy in which termination of the pregnancy might be the safest, only, or logical option. Means I never expect to be told that my child has abnormalities or defects that would make life horribly cruel. Means that, despite birth control methods I ended up pregnant at a very wrong time in my life and bringing a child into this world just seems impossible. And many more possibilities...

Never say NEVER. Even with my strong beliefs, I cannot say NEVER because I have not been presented with the some of the experiences mentioned. And I cannot say for sure, given any of those circumstances what I would do. I like to think I know the choices I would make, but none of us really know until the choice is presented to us.

I believe in life. I believe conception means a child, a human being. I believe abortion is killing a child. But I also believe that God and only God has the right to judge us and our decisions. I believe in forgiveness. And you can bet your ass that I believe this is a PERSONAL and PRIVATE choice.

Unfortunately, unless you have the education and the financial resources, it's still personal, but not private.

In an age of technology and information we'd like to believe that everyone has access to knowledge about birth control, sex, stds, etc. It's called SEX EDUCATION. But people think it's not proper to have in schools. Let it be taught at home. Seriously...HOW MANY OF YOU TALKED WITH YOUR PARENTS ABOUT SEX?! If you had parents like that, consider yourself lucky. I didn't. It was a taboo subject. And school was the only place I got this information. For those who don't have school or parents, there's peers. And as sex seems to become a topic for younger and younger children, one can only imagine the twisted and incorrect information that gets passed around. Luckily there are people who in the community who try to reach and educate others about these things, one of them being Planned Parenthood. Besides education, community organizations like this also provide pregnancy tests, screening, checkups, and sometimes...yes, abortions. For who? Usually people who don't have the financial resources to get information or help from private physicians.

If you're a judgmental person (and we're all guilty of it), check your bias and stereotyping at the door and step into someone else's shoes. Are there people who take advantage of the situation? Yes. They're called people who can afford certain rights in life, but call them privileges and think they ought to be taken away from those who don't have the same opportunities to education and resources. There are also people who take advantage of help provided for them and fuel the fire for bias argument. But these people are NOT a majority. And even if they were, if the help provided were to only reach ONE person, is he/she not worth it? Now, that's extreme, because programs like Planned Parenthood help so many people who REALLY need the help, and aren't they ALL worth it? Just because we don't agree with someone decision does that mean they don't deserve our help?! Do we have to judge? Haven't we all done something we're not proud of?

Now...where did this all come from? My lovely and random rant...check here (or the news). Budget cutting and such...I don't have an answer. I will admit I don't know a lot. But I know this, that at some point Planned Parenthood funding came up and some people decided to make it into an abortion discussion. First off, Planned Parenthood is NOT just about abortion. Think about it...wait for it...PLANNED PARENTHOOD. Planning + parenthood = responsible decisions about when/when not to have a family and all the education that comes along with it. Maybe? A good thing? Yes?! Anywho...certain individuals (men) thought it was best to bring out their judgmental attitudes and turn it into a pro-life outweighs all pro-choice reasons, good or bad. And then a woman steps up. And puts herself out there and tells her story and says, "I'm one of those people...I'm one of those who had to have this procedure..." and while she may have been one of the lucky ones to have it done privately, she understands what many women go through and why it's important for those who can't afford to have it done privately.

I don't give a hoot who is Republic or Democrat. I am most certainly not a man-hater. And I respect other people's opinions. But I don't respect people who think that taking money away from less fortunate just because they don't like their decisions. I don't like how budget-cutting can get turned into an abortion debate. Abortion was declared a RIGHT for women. It is NOT a privilege to be taking away from those who can't afford it. How many congressmen/women's wives have had abortions with/without public knowledge? More importantly, with or without their spouse's knowledge? Let's get that poll and see who changes their story. PRIVACY goes a long way when you have money to hide behind.

Children have always been my passion. Parenthood is now my privilege. And the rights protecting women, children and families may have just become my cause.

Friday, February 18, 2011

I didn't really care for the pedi that we saw. I might have to look for a new pedi office that is willing to do an alternative vaccine schedule. We'll see...I'm not stressing over it right now.

What can Autumn do? It's actually a lot easier to figure out what she's NOT doing. She's NOT walking. That's about it. She pulls up on everything, she can put big bead necaklaces on herself, she can put balls down this "slide" toy we got, she can sign "more" and "milk." She says "Du" for dog and "Da" for Daddy and "Maaaa" for me. She presses buttons to make her toys make noise. Overall, she's just doing A LOT! The pedi was impressed with her large and small motor skills.

She had a lot of fun at her birthday party. She loved playing with everyone - kids and adults alike. She also tore into her cake!!!! I can't wait to get the pics uploaded:o)

Yep...my baby is ONE now! Holy macaroni! I apologize for the delay with birthday updates and pictures. When I last left you it was the week BEFORE her birthday and we were planning a party ofr the 5th. Didn't happen. Daddy fell ill with fever and some sort of stomach bug and we couldn't go on having a party without him (not to mention exposing people to germs). It was a yucky day out anyway. Autumn's cousin was also ill and wouldn't have been able to make it. Generally, it worked out for the best.

Come Wednesday, the 9th!, her birthday! I planned on hanging out with Aunt Becky & Caleb in the morning, but due to one of the kids falling ill I had to go into work early. (Do you notice a pattern? It gets better.) We celebrated Autumn's actual birthday by going to Ruby Tuesdays for dinner and letting her come home to smash some cake. Very laid back, but fun.

This past Saturday, the 12th, we held her birthday party. It was sunny and a much nicer day to hold a party, minus the wind. Most of the time we spent inside. We had a bunch of people over, had a great time seeing some friends we haven't seen in awhile, Autumn enjoyed food & yes...MORE CAKE...and opening gifts.

The rest of the weekend was spent cleaning up the party. Come early during the week and it turns out my brother and sister-in-law fall ill. Also, the other kiddo I nanny for falls ill. Things are not looking good, are they? Yea, you guessed it, I fell ill by Thursday night. Now, Autumn's been acting weird since Tuesday - very cuddly, sleepy, whiny. I am blaming teeth and a growth spurt. Although I'm sure her tummy is a little out of whack with all the germs flying around, she hasn't shown any signs of flu/stomach bug. I, on the other hand, woke up Thursday with a flip flopping stomach, pushed through a work day, only to come home and have it hit full force. Blah. Shawn took good care of his girls who weren't feeling 100%. I slept a few hours at a time, interrupted by trips to the bathroom. This morning the "sick" part was done, but the tummy is still not up to par. Most of the day I felt weak and crummy, but managed to pick up both kids from school and drop them off with their grandmom (I've never been so happy for an easy workday) and I spent the rest of the day relaxing. This evening I've been able to eat a good amount of food and do some housework. My energy is coming back and tomorrow I'm sure I'll be 90% back to my normal self.

So...that's what it's been like for the past week. I apologize for the delay in fun updates. Birthday pics to come soon:o)

Thursday, February 3, 2011

I'm thankful for a few quiet hours of just easy listening while the teacher shows powerpoint slides. I'm thankful for easy tests. (Getting first test back tonight and I feel confident in my grade).

I'm thankful for a baby girl who is currently sleeping 12+ hours a night (growth spurt!).

I'm thankful for a husband who is becoming more and more flexible to accomodate the crazy schedule that classes and work bring...and the rest of our future, I'm sure!

I'm thankful that it's only Thursday and I still have an entire tomorrow morning and evening to clean before the party on Sat....because I've done NOTHING thus far except buy a few things from the dollar store.

Oh, and I'm super thankful I got to spend some time with my bff & Caleb at Tot Time this morning. I love watch Autumn crawl around a gym floor looking at all the big kids;o)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I apologize. I have not blogged in over a month. I never provided an 11 month update and now we're about 8 days away from the big 1...YEAR that is!!! I've had no Wordless Wednesdays. No Thankful Thursdays. Nada.

EPIC FAIL:o(

And there really is no good reason. There are two really bad reasons. 1) I'm lazy. I've updated my 101 blog several times since then because it's so much easier to just jump on, make a few notes and move on. I also like crossing things off of my [internet] list, so blogging over there makes me feel more accomplished. 2) I have been in absolute denial that my child is about to turn 1 years old:o/

I'm not talking "Oh, my baby has gotten so big, she CANT be one yet!" I mean...I literally put off planning a birthday party for her until Sunday night when I FINALLY hashed things out with the hubby and then [insert tackiness here!] sent a text to our family and few friends who we want to come hang out. Flame away! A text invite...as my bff said "klassy!" But even with that, a part of me is saying "It's not really a party. Autumn won't even understand what's going on. It's more like a get together, a hang out, which we usually do with the family and we're just adding a few others for the day." But the realiziation is that this is a party - it's to celebrate my baby being a whole year and the fact that Shawn and I survived this whole year! She will have a cake. And, though I've told people that she really needs NOTHING, there will be gifts. We will sing "Happy Birthday" and the monkey will smash her cake.

I'm.throwing.my.child's.first.birthday.party.

I must come to accept this and yet I hate it. I HATE IT.

We all wonder Where does the time go? And I wonder How did people ever remember a thing before photography and videography? I cannot for the life of me remember pregnancy or my big belly. However, I remember EACH and EVERY detail of her birth. It's disturbing. But after that...I'm clueless. Thank God for pictures and videos because I look and say Oh yea! This year did have a lot happen - our first trip to the beach as a family, ditto with the mountains of NC and TN, all the fun swimming she did in the summer, her first Halloween, meeting Grandpa, our first Christmas, our first visit to NJ to see all our family and celebrate New Year's, etc etc. But I can't remember her being my baby. And then I see videos or pictures and I miss my baby. And then I look at this little ball of energy who likes to crawl and pull up and snuggle and play chase and I ADORE her.

I.am.torn. I want my baby to stay a baby, but I can't wait for her to grow up and see all the wonderful things she's going to figure out and do. Oh the dilemmas of parenthood. Mom...Dad...I get it. I absolutely 100000% get it now. And it's the coolest, yet most heart breaking thing to deal with.

And so that's the truth people. I've been in absolute denial and have refused to come to this blog because I have not wanted to even think about my little girl turning a year so soon.

And now that my sad and pathetic story is done....I'll put up some WW pictures tomorrow so you can see how she's grown. And then this Saturday is her party so I'm sure there will be some fun pictures from that, too.