Thursday, October 18, 2012

How I Came to Fall In Love... Again (part2)

Thank You to all the wonderful comments on yesterday's post. It overjoys me that I have the most awesome readers. So I last left off on where I started feeling there was something more there between Cody and I after a VERY long and slow start. What began as growing feelings soon evolved into the most beautiful intimacy. I believe that many of us shy away from the word intimacy because most people refer to is as just physical intimacy and sex. But it is so so so much more than that. Today I am referring only to the emotional intimacy that began to take place.
For so long, I had a wall up. I was afraid to show who I really was, I was afraid to tell him and let him see the worst and darkest parts about myself. To let him know things that I swore to myself I would never tell anyone. I began to show him who I really was, bring up those topics about myself and things I was ashamed of, and to show and tell him of all my faults and shortcomings that I was aware of. When you begin to give yourself to someone, you cant just give them the good parts. You have to give them the good and the bad. I love Cody because of all his wonderful strengths AND his weaknesses as a person. Now please don't confuse this with me thinking of him as weak in any nature, areas where I am weak, he is strong, and visa versa.
When we begin to fully live, think, and speak freely with another individual while they do the same - the most wonderful things can happen. And when the combined of those two connect, something beautiful and rare is sparked. I began to feel the like the only thing I wanted to do was to make him happy. I wanted to give him the world and began to literally freak out and worry about him all the time. What was happening to me? Then I knew.. that just the thought of a life without him was unbearable to think of. I was happy before him, but he made my life so much happier. I had loved before him, but he showed me how to love on incredibly more levels than I ever thought possible... and before I knew it, I was in love. Completely, hopelessly, and crazy in love with him.
I knew - and know - that this is the man I want to start a life with. He is the one I want to come home to every day, he is the one I want to be a wife to. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he will be the most incredible father. And I can not wait to spend the rest of my life with this man.

So how did I fully fall in love... again? I began to love myself and make myself happy, I built a solid foundation of friendship that had all the things that were most important to me - Respect, communication, laughter, service, and understanding. I allowed myself time to heal and time to freely let feelings come, and not force anything. I let him into my heart, and see the best and worst parts of me. I let him open up freely - and embraced the best and worst sides of him. I acknowledge that there is truly nothing I would want to change about who he is (Aside from always leaving every drawer open and the toilet seat up) - and with that, love just came. So easily. This how I came to fall in love again. And it is has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

This makes my heart happy! I know people say this often, but believe me when I say I know exactly what you are talking about. I was in a 10 year relationship that ended when I was 24. It was the hardest I ever had to do and honestly, I always had some part of me that thought we might get back together.

Exactly when I was NOT planning on meeting someone and was in the midst of my "holy crap if that didn't work out I'm going to be single until 35" phase I met Dave. If you had told me I would strike gold right after that relationship I would have said you were ca-razy.

Dave is everything I never even knew I needed. I now understand what being truly comfortable and being complete self feels like. I am super happy for you and like so many people said to me before... sometimes when you know, you just know!