Sunday, November 7, 2010

Last year at this time, I was about to turn forty. It's kind of felt that forty should be a "big year" but for me, it was kind of a hard one. On my birthday, we spent a whole weekend at funeral events for one of Andrew's relatives-- a man I liked, and was sorry to see go, but three days on my birthday weekend felt a bit much. It was rainy, wet, and cold in the Hill Country cemetery. I spent a whole lot of time sitting in the car with the kiddos. Not really all that much fun.

I was working at a job that felt increasingly like the wrong place for me to be. My mother was still alive, but it would be very soon that I would lose her. A few minor illnesses for me, as well, filled some of the year. Those are under control, but it took a lot out of me during.

Good things happened, too. I finally gave up on the idea that somehow I could somehow change people who just didn't like me or respect me. (I saw one of these people the other day out in town and felt so happy that I didn't have to do the obligatory greeting...just ignored said person and moved on with my day). I quit feeling guilty about some of the professional things I just don't have the energy or inclination to do anymore. I worked a bit on my novel-- got some great ideas which, hopefully, I will have time to work into it very very soon. I've found a real and true love for fixing up/restoring the historic homes we've been buying, and made an almost 100 year old home that was falling into a sad state back into a true jewel, that we will offer as someone's dream home very soon. Found a real talent, there, which I enjoy. My kids have grown and changed and I love them more every day; it doesn't seem possible but it is true. Hubby and I have found more time to spend just "us" now that the kids are a little less work and that's been truly a blessing, also.

I have wishes and resolutions for the year ahead. I need to spend more "Me" time-- go to the gym, lose the weight that is unhealthy, get strong and fit again. Forty One years of life on the planet is only a trickle of what I want to have ahead of me, and I am going to consider this a bit of a "do-over" year. I want less sorrow, please, and more joy ahead. That is my biggest wish for the year. So next year (and it may be that I don't write a formal blog until then with the way this thing has gone lately!) I want to have a year filled with my own choices. We will see what time & tide do to that wish.