'Chinese and International Studies' Why are you considering The Ohio State University

I am applying to the Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio. Any tips to improve my essay would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Prompt: Why are you considering The Ohio State University? (Response must be limited to 300 words or less.)

Essay:

There are many reasons why I believe The Ohio State University is the right match for me. I am a highly motivated, self-driven individual who achieves well beyond the minimum requirements for any given assignment. I believe OSU, being a highly competitive university, will provide me with an academic and social environment to continue to achieve even greater success through college and in the working world.

It is my personal aspiration to learn Chinese and become a translator or foreign correspondent for the United States Government in China. Previously, I have shown strong ability in the area of foreign language both in high school and college courses taken through The Ohio State University Academy. Taking Chinese courses at OSU as an undergraduate will enable me to achieve my dream, and also help Americans relate to people of a very different culture.

I like to work with other people, and learning to communicate with another culture is one way of bringing people of different backgrounds closer together.

I know that OSU offers very rigorous courses in Chinese and International Studies. Being a highly motivated person, I know that these courses will give me a chance to test my skills in an academic area I enjoy.

Hi,I think your essay is good but a little disjointed. For instance, when you say "There are many reasons why I believe The Ohio State University is the right match for me" you only go on to give one reason right away, it's a highly competitive university. Then at the end you give another reason, they offer rigorous courses. I would put the two reasons together, and maybe come up with another one to qualify the use of the word "many".Also, when you say "achieves well beyond the minimum requirements for any given assignment", maybe you could give a specific example?Hope that helps, good luck!Kelly

Ummm...I think you focus too little on the OSU. See, you only talk about it in the last paragraph. In the first paragraph you did mention OSU,but it's too general that it can be used to describe another school. Your last paragraph is great, because it demonstrates the convincing reason for you to choose OSU—to get wonderful education in Chinese. In comparison, the first paragraph is really useless and cannot reveal any real figure of OSU. So just delete it and find some specific reasons instead.

You will do well if you give examples of the resources, professors, and programs that interest you at the school. I would like to see this essay include some specific examples of what you hope to accomplish in college and beyond.