Ode to the Cup

The man who invented the athletic cup is my hero.

I did get my second green stripe last night, but then I spent a good ten minutes as an attacker while one of our purple belts demonstrated his self defenses. Several of these involve snap kicks, hammer fists, or rear thrust kicks to the groin.

If I hadn’t been wearing a cup, I wouldn’t need to talk to the doctor about that vasectomy anymore.

Our sensei often reminds us the single most important thing about self defenses is that they work. I don’t care who you are, you whack someone in the nads like that, they’re going to stop whatever they’re doing.

So here’s to you, Mr. Athletic Cup Inventor. Thank you, O Guardian of the Family Jewels, for molding that perfect piece of plastic that lets a man explore total testicular destruction in complete scrotal comfort. Without you, I’m sure the world would be a less populous place.

About Mike Oliveri

Mike Oliveri is a writer, martial artist, cigar aficionado, motorcyclist, and family man, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently hard at work on the werewolf noir series The Pack for Evileye Books.