Daughter’s Point of View

by Anonymous

I love but resent my mom. I am an old grandma now, and she is elderly. But our relationship was complicated. My mother has no "edit" button. Any thought in her head turns into words from her mouth. I was constantly picked on and berated for ANY choice I tried to make: My own hair as a 45 year old, my own purse, my spouse, my vacation, my employment, my gift selection, you name it....she had an earful for me every time.

And, yes, she would pout that I was ungrateful to hear her waterfall of wonderful wise advice. I would nod "yes" while my silent brain was screaming "SHUT UP!" because it was the fastest way to get her to move on. Why would a grown woman (past 30) need mommy’s advice?

All she could see was a dumb moron who must have needed lots of insults to snap into shape. Mothers all SAY that they want their kids to be independent capable adults, but mine really wanted a perpetual seven year old to boss around.

I resent that I didn’t get the proper opportunity to begin adulthood when my friends were transitioning from teen to young adult. I had to FORCE the issue.

I had to keep quiet about my personal details or mom would butt in and involve herself where she was unwelcome. I couldn’t allow it. Not because I was selfish and needy and money hungry, but because my healthy development depended upon a greater degree of autonomy...and I would have to be the one to create it.

Yes, resentful. Of course, mom felt she was doing and saying all these unproductive, insulting, mean, controlling things out of "love". That’’s some weird-ass love.