Today’s devotion is more directed to our men reading this than the women. The reason is that women tend to have more true friendships than men do. I see this in church. On any given Sunday, there are typically more women in church than there are men. This is true in most any church in America. The women come, and they interact with one another. They talk about life and all the other things that women talk about.

But for many of these women, their husbands are sitting at home, alone. Many of these men are not interested in the potentially awkward social interactions of a Sunday morning. They isolate themselves from others.

Beyond the church setting, there are many men in America who do not have any friends. They tend to be loners. They may interact with people all day long at work, but at the end of the day they come home and have no one to talk with about the important things in life. If their marriage is struggling or they have problems at work, they will internalize it all.

There is a difference between the way men and women typically interact. When you observe women interacting, they will typically do so face-to-face. But when men interact, they will do so shoulder-to-shoulder. Men will bond through sharing a common purpose and moving together in the same direction for greater things. It is not connection that men seek as much as it is belonging to something bigger than themselves.

You think about the bond of men who went to war together. They are a band of brothers. Think about men on the athletic field of competition. These men are striving together for a common purpose that creates an alliance. These are the men in life that we, as men, are drawn towards.

As men, we are looking to go somewhere, fix something, or fight someone. We want to be part of and share in doing something great. This is a big reason we often see more women in church than men. In church, we talk about love and connection with God in our worship. We sing songs about how much we love Jesus. That is good, but as men, we want to do something. We want to make something happen.

Don’t miss out on the warrior Jesus, who was a kingdom of darkness conqueror, and who invites us to join him on the adventure. The invitation is to join with him for a wild ride, living a purpose that is bigger than anyone of us. The life of faith is not about sitting in a pew but living as more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ. It is fighting for all that is good and right. Let’s live the adventure together.

Reflection

Why do you think there are more women in church than men?

What are the differences between the way men bond and women bond?

How can you join Jesus in an adventure of a lifetime and partner with others to live a purpose bigger than yourself for God’s kingdom?

The Cost of Forgiveness

Forgiveness does not come easy. Jesus died for our forgiveness. There was a price paid. When we go back the Old Testament, a sacrifice was offered for sin. You would take an innocent lamb. The lamb had not done anything, but your sin would cost that lamb his life.

When you entered into the temple, you would sense death. You would hear the lambs being slaughtered. You would smell the flesh being burned. You would see the blood draining off the altar. It was rather grotesque. It was a powerful visual reminder of the consequence of sin.

It is different for us today. The religious ritual of forgiveness is much cleaner. We confess our sins in the presence of God. The pastor announces words of absolution. You might make the sign of the cross from your head to your heart and shoulder to should. There is no fire or blood.

Then we approach the altar. We receive in the bread and wine, the very body and blood of Jesus. But it does not look like flesh or blood. It looks like bread and wine. It tastes like bread and wine. When we receive these, the pastor says, “take eat and take drink for the forgiveness of your sins.” Again, everything is neat and clean!

But remember what is behind these acts. It is the sacrifice of Jesus. He was the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. His sacrifice on the cross was hideous. If you ever watched the movie the Passion of Christ, you start to get a sense of the horror. Lutheran pastor and theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “Grace is free, but it is not cheap.” Indeed the free gift of forgiveness came at a tremendous cost. It came because of the innocent, bitter suffering and death of Jesus.

We Forgive as God has Forgiven Us

When we read Ephesians 4:32, we read that we are to forgive one another. It is not easy to forgive. There is sacrifice involved. Anyone who says forgiveness is easy has never truly forgiven. It is easier to hold on to bitterness and grudges than it is to forgive. But it is through forgiveness that we experience freedom. It is freedom from sin that enslaves and freedom to experience fulfillment in our relationships.

Forgiveness is critical for relationships. I am a sinner, and you are a sinner. We have that in common. If we spend enough time with each other, there will come a time when I will sin against you, and you will sin against me. We are human. It is part of our nature, and there is no getting around that. If we are going stay in relationship, we must learn to forgive one another. Otherwise, there will be a wedge that is driven among us. A divide will hinder true intimacy. We will go our separate ways and move on to one superficial relationship after another.

Forgiveness is a bridge. It is sin that divides, but forgiveness that unites. The forgiveness that Jesus won on the cross was so that we could live in relationship with God. It was so that we could know God. It was so we could approach his throne of grace in prayer. It was so that we could stand before him in eternity.

The forgiveness of Jesus also empowers our forgiveness. When we recognize the tremendous debt we have been forgiven, we see how insignificant the things we are unwilling to forgive. Our sacrifice to forgive may be difficult, but our sacrifice pales in comparison to the great sacrifice Jesus made to forgive us.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Colossians 3:12–13, ESV)

One thing I have learned is I’m not perfect. I’ve made my share of mistakes. I need grace. I need others to be patient and understanding with me. We are all like that. We could all use a little more grace extended our way.

As I recognize my need for grace, I understand that others need grace as well. Be patient with others and give them the benefit of the doubt. As the Scripture tells us, be slow to take offense (James 1:19-20).

But we are often quick to take offense. I sometimes wonder if we go out of our way to look for ways to be offended by the words and actions of others. When it comes to being offended, there are two types of people who offend us. There are those who don’t intend and those who do intend to offend us.

Unintentional Offense

In Colossians, the Apostle Paul tells us with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patients to bear with one another. It’s easy to get upset and angry with people for their shortcomings even when they never intend to give offense.

I know there are many times in my life where the message received by another person, was not the message I intended. This is especially true in electronic communications such as email. A general rule I will follow is to try never to be offended by something someone shares in an email. There is too much room for misinterpretation when the person is not face-to-face with you.

Even when you are with a person face-to-face, be patient. Before you get offended make sure that you seek to understand and truly have received the message they wanted to share with you rather than the message you thought they wanted to share.

Intentional Offense

While I believe that we are often more guilty of taking offense than we at giving offense, there are plenty of times when people do indeed intend to offend us.

One thing that has helped me to be more patient and grace filled with people who offend me is to recognize that many of them do not have Jesus in their life. They are missing out on the peace, joy, and hope he has to offer. Their lives are filled with sorrow and frustration. They are not living with any higher purpose other than to make it through the day.

Hurting people hurt other people. The hurt that they are attempting to pile on to you is often a cry for help. They just don’t know how to ask for help.

They need grace, not your offense. Offer words of kindness or an act of grace. They need it in a big way! It may be something as simple as offering a smile or a complement. Maybe you have heard it said, “kill them with kindness.” It’s not the other person to kill, but the hurt inside them.

Walk Away

Finally, sometimes it is better just to walk away. There are times when love and kindness with only be met with resistance. A person’s heart may be so hardened that they will refuse any help that is given. I am reminded of Jesus words:

“And wherever they do not receive you, when you leave that town shake off the dust from your feet as a testimony against them.”” (Luke 9:5, ESV)

You can pray for the person. You can feel sorrow for the other person. But sometimes it is best just to let go of the offense and to move on.

Reflection

Is there a time when others were offended by something you said when you never intended to give offense?

How can you better seek understanding before taking offense?

How do you know when it is time to walk away from a situation or person?

“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26, ESV)

Promises in the Plural

Many of the promises in the Bible are written in the plural. Because we live in a culture that values individualism, we miss that many of the promises are not given to me alone, but us together. In our English language, the word “you” can be plural or singular. “You” can be a group of people or it can be one person. It is not the same with the Biblical languages. “You” is designated as either singular or plural. So when we read the Bible in these original languages, it is clear whether it is a community or individual that is being addressed. We don’t get the same benefit with our English translation.

Consider the verses below where I added “all” to designate the plural “you.” Consider how it changes the way we read these texts.

“But (you all) seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (all).” (Matthew 6:33, ESV)

“For I know the plans I have for you (all), declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you (all) a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11, ESV)

“(You all) go therefore and make disciples of all nations.” (Matthew 28:19, ESV)

Maybe the reason that we don’t see the promises of God fulfilled in a greater measure is that we have been going at it alone.

Are you going it alone?

More than half of Americans admit they have no one with whom they can talk about their personal troubles or successes outside of their closest family members. We are living in increasing isolation, and it is not good for us. Where do you fit into this picture?

Do you have a close and personal friend? Do you have someone that you can talk about stresses and anxieties in your life?

The men reading this are more likely to say no to this question. Men tend to be more isolated. Most American men have no friends. They have acquaintances and interact with people all day long. But they rarely have true friends. With increased workloads and business, we often find ourselves spread thin and don’t make the commitment and time for friendships. I wonder if this is one of the reasons men tend to die sooner than women.

Be a friend

One of the most popular descriptions people have of their church is that their church is a friendly church. But it doesn’t mean much to be friendly. The checkout lady at the supermarket is friendly. But I don’t go to the supermarket to meet the friendly lady at the checkout. People don’t care if you have a friendly church. What they care about is if we will be there friend. What they wonder about is if they can I find connection and community.

We have a lot of chit chat in our churches. We talk about the sports team, the weather, or the headlines in the news. And there is nothing wrong with talking about these things. But it is important to go beyond these things.

I need people to ask me the hard questions. I need people who are going to make me a better pastor, a better husband, a better Christian, a better father. The Bible tells us iron sharpens iron. We need to be that iron for each other. That does not happen by accident. It takes intentionality. It takes discipline. It takes valuing people and the importance of relationships.

One thing I have learned over the years is that to make a friend you need to be a friend. When you genuinely care for other people, they will tend to care for you. The more you give, the more you get. You will reap what you sow. So start sowing the seeds of friendship. Make a friend! Be a friend!

Reflection

Why are relationships important? What are the consequences of isolation?

Theme for the Week: Relationships

The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one… (John 17:22, ESV)

This week we will be exploring relationships. You may be familiar with Maslov’s Hierarchy of Needs. The List includes:

Physiological needs

Safety needs

Love and belonging

Esteem

Self-actualization

Self-transcendence

The first two things on that list are a matter of life and death. They are of first importance. But you will notice that the third thing on the list is “love and belonging.” It would be easy to dismiss this need as a matter of life and death, but if we understand the true importance of this need, we will recognize it just may be a matter of life and death.

Consider this statement from the US Surgeon General:

“The greatest public health crisis in America is not cancer or heart disease. It’s social isolation. Loneliness.” – Dr. Vivek Murthy, the Surgeon General of the United States

Isolation from others will lead to a whole host of problems:

“Social isolation is as potent a cause of early death as smoking 15 cigarettes a day; loneliness, research suggests, is twice as deadly as obesity. Dementia, high blood pressure, alcoholism and accidents – all these, like depression, paranoia, anxiety and suicide, become more prevalent when connections are cut. We cannot cope alone.” – George Monbiot (Journalist)

Maybe you saw the movie Castaway. Tom Hanks plays, Chuck Noland, a FedEx employee who is stranded on a deserted island after a plane crash. Without anyone around, he finds companionship in a volleyball he names Wilson. The extreme isolation leads him to put his life at risk on the open sea for the slim chance he might find civilization.

When we see a person who commits a violent crime, we will often find that the person was isolated from others. The people interviewed on the news will describe him as a social outcast, living on the fringe, and who kept to himself. In other words, a loner!

Love and belonging are more important than we realize. This is because:

God created us as relational beings

When God created humankind, this is what he said:

“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”” (Genesis 2:18, ESV)

Notice he said that it is not good that man should be alone. It is part of creating humankind in his image because God himself exists in relationship.

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. (Genesis 1:26, ESV)

There is the Trinity Godhead. God is one God in three persons. There is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Hebrew word for God is Elohim. The construction of the word itself is plural. There is plurality in this single God. As God himself lives relationally, he creates us to live relationally.

When Jesus came to this earth, he ministered to thousands of people. But he still kept close at hand 12 close companions to do life together. God wired us for connection. And when we are disconnected, we will short-circuit. There are great dangers when we don’t live as God created us to live.

With all this in mind, we will turn our attention this week to discovering deeper and more intimate relationships.