Friday, June 10, 2011

IGN'S Previews Duke Nukem Forever Review

...No. Never again. I'm through point out how stupid this crap is.

(Edit: After actually, y'know, reading this half-finished review, I was really surprised. I was expecting them to go all Alan Wake on my ass and squeeze out a golden pile of bullshit, but they really aren't sugarcoating things just because it's a popular franchise or because it's famous (for a terrible reason, but still, people keep proving they really are that stupid). Go, IGN. Sorta.)

On a related note, my God, Duke Nukem Forever looks amazingly boring. How do you cock up Duke Nukem? You make it like every other modern FPS, fill it with lines that were badass and edgy in the 1990s, and force the player to stand there while professional voice actors read your dumbass Duke Nukem fanfic.

...And then there's that asshole on throne...whose picture you gotta take to move on...at the beginning of the game, and...and...JESUS FUCKING-

My hands are shaking. I need my Pony fix, man! Just some Fluttershy to mellow me out! I NEED TO FUCKING MELLOW OUT SO GODDAMN MUCH RIGHT NOW!

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