I have no fear of console and my old routers is awful (DSL-500T for bridging ADSL to LAN and then DSL-524 for distributing LAN across network and provide Wi-Fi). So I've decided to replace it with some newer stuff. The features I need:

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I'm not sure that's possible to have all these features on a combined modem/router... So I will recommend that you keep your DSL-500T as a ADSL modem only (or buy a not too expensive one) and add it a DD-WRT compatible router (You could also check this list to have more hardware infos). It's an open source firmware with a linux kernel so you could have professional features like VPN, QoS and many others on your home router. (OpenWRT and Tomato are popular choice too)

The Linksys WRT610N (v2) would be my choice (compared to the 320N more for the processor & memory spec than the usb port...)

After reading the first 4 words of your question I have decided that since you're "not dummy" you should buy a "Fisher-Price My First ADSL2+ Modem/Router"

On a more serious note, these are all fantastic modem/routers that don't quite meet your specifications, but you may want to look sidewise in the product line to see if there is that perfect router you are searching for:

Dynalink RTA-1025W (10/100, no VPN, no 802.11n)

Cisco 877W (Gigabit, no 802.11n)

Zyxel P-662HW-D (10/100, no 802.11n)

EDIT: You obviously didn't search Cisco very hard, I typed "cisco wireless n router" into Google and look what came up!

802.11n and Gigabit ports is a must. The speed of 802.11g/100 Mbit just isn't enough to work with video wirelessly (across the local network, of course). I have found that Cisco and this Linksys (linksysbycisco.com/US/en/products/WRT610N) and even AirPort Extreme suits my needs fully, except the ADSL part. It's not hard to buy ADSL-modem, but it would be much better if it was built-in.
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SharkFeb 20 '10 at 9:19