Jon Hamm Not ‘Fabulous’ Enough To Win This ’90s Dating Show: Watch

He may be the subject of roughly 99.5% of the world’s most fevered fantasies, but when it came to impressing Mary Carter, a 25-year-old computer animation student, ’90s Jon Hamm struck out. Don Draper would not be proud.

If you’re wondering how I caught wind of Hamm’s past romantic foibles, it’s because a very interesting video has just surfaced on the Web — an episode of a short-lived dating show titled “The Big Date.”

In the show, a floppy-haired Hamm — then a 25-year-old waiter — competes against a bunch of men in khakis for Carter’s affection, explaining his ideal first date thusly: “I’d start off with some fabulous food, little fabulous conversation, end it with a fabulous foot massage for an evening of total fabulosity.”

Carter’s ensuing surprised face hovers just on the border between “scared” and “delighted.” Fabulous.

Despite Hamm’s charms — and abundant locks — silly old Mary Carter goes for a dude named Marc, a 28-year-old stuntman who, according to his IMDB, went on to stunt it up in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies.

Don’t cry for Jon, though — he has someone else to heap all of his fabulousness on: actress and screenwriter Jennifer Westfeldt.