Saturday, December 20, 2008

Professor Mole

Professor Mole is He Hog's arch enemy. He is a genius. Moles grow on him all the time, in front of our very eyes.Old ones drop off him from time to time. They follow him everywhere he goes and help him commit unspeakable horrors upon humanity.Professor Mole is actually a pretty nice guy for someone who causes suffering on such a monumental scale.He's so ugly that people run from him without even knowing anything about him. They make hasty generalizations about him, which is the worst crime any human can commit. They call him a "hard working blue collar white man", "articulate" "nappy headed" and say he's "lost his bearings". This forces him to retaliate in the most horrific ways, all in the name of protecting our God-Given rights to be offended by words that newscasters waste days of TV time reporting on.Professor Mole creates a doomsday machine with the intent of destroying all categorizations everywhere. Anyone who says "mammals give milk" is a dead man. It's up to He Hog to stop him and restore humanity and observation to the world.If He Hog wins, that'll be the end of 24 hour news channels.

HOLY MOLE-Y!- Is this the same nefarious Dr.Wakoa Mole, who Stole Blowhole?(the famous waterspewing wonder of the Isle of Oahu!) In 1970, Kurt Russell and Caesar Romero starred in Disney's "The Mole That Stole Blowhole" With TV's Batman's Joker as the incidious Dr. Mole, and Kurt Russell as a Groovy Teen-Age John K.!

Hmmm.....y'know, these days it seems like the stuff that the media makes this biggest fuss over -like all those descriptives- aren't really OFFENSIVE, but they sure as hell can be ANNOYING. You know how you're always talking about things being SPECIFIC, right? Well, that's my issue with generalizations - in other words, for a pretty open-minded guy like myself, the problem isn't with political correctness but with aesthetics. Come on now, "Nappy-headed ho"? she's a goddamn FERN-FOLLICLED FLOOZIE!!!! A MISTRESS WITH A MOSSY MANE!!!!! (And let's be serious for a second: there IS something wrong with calling a woman you don't know a slut. At least hair texture is sort of objective...)