Opinions, enthusiasms, staircase wit.

April 11, 2008

matt taibbi, having batting practice

The Matt Taibbi love continues, as he
defends himself against allegations from Erica Jong that he has some kind of Freudian mom-touching issues, as evidenced by the fact that he described the muscle tone of the arms of Sen. Hillary Clinton. Her charge:

"And love is the problem, of course," Jong-Freud writes. "You [Taibbi] cannot fuck your mother so you must revile her."

Taibbi's defense is that he's mean to all kinds of people who could not possible stand in as his mom. I take issue with the assumption behind Jong's claim -- more accurately, replace "cannot" with "would not" and then replace "must revile her" with "zzzzzzzzzz".

As for [writing for] Slate? "I wrote for Slate for the money," Siegel sniffed. "I couldn't wait to stop writing for Slate. Everything was quick, and everything was cute... there was hardly any time for reflection."

Some would call that a reasonable sentiment. Perhaps, if spoken to a friend, over a meal. But when spoken on a stage, in front of a crowd, it's pompous! And pompous is bad!

Though the writer of the post, Sheila McClear, becomes the first person not named Lee Siegel (or something Lee Siegel made up to hide the fact that he is Lee Siegel) to stick up for him:

Siegel believes we are all isolated and disconnected, and the internet gives the false illusion of community. It's the first medium to serve the "isolated asocial elevated individual," as Siegel says in his book.

And he's right in that assertion. It is depressing being online all day. Anonymity can and does bring out the worst in people. Snide emails calling you a "white trash cunt and the worst writer in the history of this website" (for example!) will most definitely leave you rattled, wondering what the hell you're doing and why. In all these things, Siegel is right.

Yes, in the slave pits of professional blogging, there is respect for the thoughts of Lee Siegel, who remains pompous.

scotus is a fun acronym

“You want the right to abortion? Create it the way most rights are created in a democracy. Persuade your fellow citizens it’s a good idea — and pass a law,” Scalia said. “You don’t like the death penalty? Persuade your fellow citizens it’s a bad idea and repeal it.”

So, there's the executive branch, check, and then the legislative branch, check... What's that other branch? The one whose sole job it is to give backrubs to the other two branches...?

Well, I forget. But there is also the Supreme Court, which is the "I am not a nut" branch, the branch that believes that rights, like civil rights, are created by laws and not inherent. The branch that is racking up the appearance fees.

Justice Scalia may not actually believe this -- I think he's still cranky because he got paused over for Chief Justice for that male model guy.

April 9, 2008

actually bacon is much more sui generis than sausage gravy and biscuits

Further to , and then this, below please find some suggested slogans for bacon:

Bacon: Duh.

The whiskey of breakfast.

If you were to be raised as livestock, killed quickly and brutally and then prepared as a meal, you damn well would want to taste like bacon, but hopefully a poison bacon that would kill your erstwhile captors.

more creepy girl

So, when your boss sends out a blanket email alerting the company to
something you wrote about last week, is it fair to bust his chops? I mean, come on, the creepy Internet girl is so last week, it's now just another thing white people like. You wanna stay on top, you gotta take big heaping bites of now, at all times! Um, sir.

Or maybe my boss should just start his own blog?

Oop!&nbps; That's the sound of the work clock ticking. Good thing I type fast.

IYI 4.9.08

Posts are slowing down a bit, or have slowed down. I can't tell if it's because I'm busy or because I'm having a super slo-mo nervous breakdown. Hey, maybe both! Maybe they'll pick up!

In the meantimes, read this interview with Mike Doughty, and then
buy his new album, "Golden Delicious", which is indeed too much bacon for the pan to handle. Don't know who Mike Doughty is? Wikis are your friends, my friends, and we now live in a world where no one with bandwidth ever has to not know something again.

And do be nice to Mrs. Titivil today, as she has now been married to this jerk for three years -- which is a long time, in marriage years.

April 8, 2008

hello starbucks insane people

I'm not currently in need of a publicist, but when that publicity boat comes in, I'd like to use whoever Starbucks is using. Between the full page ad in the morning newspaper I read and the endless mentions by other news organizations, Starbucks new initiative to increase shareholder value ("I got it! Let's sell... coffee!") is such common knowledge that it might as well be taught in school, alongside history and earth sciences.

I would offer up links to evidence this ubiquity, but then I would be one more voice adding to the chorus of reporters/bloggers/escaped lunatics who are deciding that the public attention would be best spent publicizing Starbucks daring new "Operation: Sell Coffee".

Sadly, there is so much competition to round out a daily diet of news with funny little stories! that there are not enough funny little stories! to go around. This is life during the Great Novelty Drought of the Aughts.

April 7, 2008

charlton is a funny name, if you think about it

I was a little surprised that the passing of Charlton Heston was not met with a vast array of "stinking paw" this and "cold dead hands" that. Maybe I wasn't looking in the right place -- but it seems like a lost opportunity for those of you so cavalier that no tragedy is so tragic as not to be snarked upon.

Or maybe it was the fact that it happened on the weekend.

But do not remember Heston as an amiably insane oldster manipulated by the NRA; instead, remember him as the bad-ass actor with
some of the greatest lines ever. And then have some delicious Soylent Green for lunch.

April 6, 2008

wherein we treat hurricanes lightly

More doom and gloom from the Yahoo! Whatever Headline Whatever Whatever:

• Study suggests single hurricane could cost $500M by 2020

I don't mind tellin' ya, but when I was your age, why, hurricanes were three for the dollar! And those wasn't your lowquality hurricanes like you kids have today!

On a more serious note, look at the bright side -- a hurricane may cause $500M in damage by then, but private contractors will be able to make twice that cleaning up.

[MINUTES LATER] There was a good reason that the hed stuck out to me -- the "$500M" was a typo and should have read "$500B", as the now-corrected Yahoo! headline reads. Soon, we will run out of zeros for use in connection with our currency.