Spoof news stories from Saturday 19 May 2012

At the age of 33, Kathy Hanson of New York City was still single, and for the life of her, she couldn't understand why.
"Actually, that's not quite true," Kathy admits now with an embarrassed smile, catching herself in her own lie. "I'd let myself go. My eating was out of control, soy lattes two, sometimes even three, times a week! And I was still running every day but I totally stopped doing y...

NEW YORK, NY - In a new Fox News poll, 78 percent of respondents think that Barack Obama is not the President of the United States.
64% believe in tooth-fairies, 56% believe in Santa Clause and 63% believe in the Easter Bunny.
Nearly 8 in 10 Fo...

Traditional Inuit people, it turns out, have a bigger sense of fun than anybody realised, with the discovery that they often flavour their igloos.
"The most common flavour is strawberry," said Oliver Olive, who has been acting as an interpreter be...

Ed Sheeran may be the gingerist acoustic guitar player on the planet, but he likes to stay grounded in reality. He admitted earlier in the week that he frequently goes back to his busking roots and stands outside shops in town centres singing a varie...

The American Petroleum Institute issued a statement this morning announcing the intent of its members to, "Frack you America!"
While the statement seemed bold and aggressive, the API went on to state it had the backing of one hundred percent of i...

VENICE BEACH - Noted California attorney Ginger Allred, cousin of famed attorney Gloria Allred, has just stated that three more men have stepped forward and are alleging that actor-pilot John Travolta groped them.
Ginger Allred, spoke with Fajita...

What follows is an actual transcript of a telephone conversation that took place during a normal working day in an office in the UK.
It is a snap shot of the levels of customer services that can be expected from a typical British company.
Names and specific product have been changed to protect the guilty, and to further explain the frustration encountered by the person making the enquiry.

Kenny Dalglish, the man sacked from the Liverpool manager's position last week, could be set to gain a quick return into football after having been invited for talks with Championship side Hull City, it has been claimed.
I claimed it, so I should...

In old fashioned Freudian terms, the Boston Celtics are a bunch of masochists. They love to inflict pain on themselves-and the collateral target: their fans are incidental victims.
Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who reminded us that every man kills the thi...

London - Ufologists fighting for a share of the lucrative Gemini Solar Eclipse prediction market centered on Sunday night's occultation are having none of it, of course.
They're siding with Mexican cereologist Jamie Maussan's claims that the 2004...

Case No. 90823903
Jonathan Obegabi (19)
Unemployed computer hacker
Found guilty of eating more than one McDonald's burger in a week.
Fined £5000, and had his fast food eating licence suspended for two months.
Case No. 90823904
Sayed Maqsood Hashemi (54)
Taxi Driver
Found Guilty of eating a kebab without a mask on.
Fined £55, and received two point on his fast food eating licence.
Ca...

HOLLYWOOD - After two years of being a judge on American Idol, Jennifer Lopez has decided to hang up her yellow judge's notepad after the current season.
J.Lo recently spoke with LaLaland Limelight reporter Huckleberry Citrus and revealed her reas...

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today quite uncharacteristically reminisced about this very day - except five years ago in the year of Our Lord, 2007.
"United lost the FA Cup Final to Chelsea," Shuttlecock grumbled. "Gutted I was. Oh yeah, and I got married after fifteen years of dithering. I knew there was something..."
Uncertain whether Shuttlecock was being serious or not, Skoob News check...

Donna Summer's debut smash hit record 'Love To Love You Baby' went viral on the internet yesterday, as the dearly departed diva's fans searched for the song that was initially banned by radio stations around the world - including the BBC, back in 197...

Southampton UK: RMS Titanic II sailed for New York City (NYC) today on her maiden voyage following the same course her namesake traversed 104 years ago. The passenger list consisted of international politicians, potentates, Hollywood stars, TV person...

David Letterman has stated that the greatest late night talk show host of all time was Johnny Carson. He pointed out that Johnny is without a doubt the best even though Jay "The Chinmaster" Leno thinks that he is.
David has gone on record as saying that Leno and him both learned 90 percent of what they know about being late night TV talk show hosts from the great Johnny Carson.
He then adde...