Jun 13 Trump Fixer Cohen: 100% Guilty Of Not Loving Myself

New York, NY -- President Donald Trump's personal lawyer and fixer Michael Cohen appears to be cooperating with authorities after coming to the startling realization that he was absolutely guilty of not loving himself.

"I am 100% guilty. Shockingly, I'm guilty of not loving myself. For too long, I have been used, abused, and mistreated by those who will remain unnamed," the ashamed Cohen told us this afternoon.

"I may be a cooperative witness now, but I was never a cooperative witness to the self-destruction I brought upon myself. I'm working on that now."

Jordan Friedberg is a writer and humorist based in New York City. Currently the editor of Flake News, he has previously written professionally for Sony and YAI in Manhattan. He voices the character Moe Flake and all the other characters featured in videos throughout the Flake News site. Follow on Twitter @theflakenews.

Jordan Friedberg is a writer and humorist based in New York City. Currently the editor of Flake News, he has previously written professionally for Sony and YAI in Manhattan. He voices the character Moe Flake and all the other characters featured in videos throughout the Flake News site. Follow on Twitter @theflakenews.