What I learned today: a “launch window” is a six-month period after a console launches. What I learned today: the Nintendo NX is getting both Mario and Pokemon titles within its launch window. What I learned today: shit maybe I’ll be getting a Nintendo NX.

Nintendo is partnering with DeNA to develop mobile games. The fuck: it ain’t going to be porting nothing, just creating new content. They also teased new hardware, codenamed “NX.” The fuck: I just bought a fucking Wii U!

Fuck yeah! The new Butcher Billy jam is here, and this time he is taking his talents to anarchy. The pop-cultural remixing maestro has exorcised the glimmer of the Mushroom Kingdom from Mario’s soul, replacing the sheen with a gritty Sid & Nancy vibe. The winners? All of us.

Need that perfect Valentine’s Day gift? How about matching Bowser and Peach tattoos. Fellas, nothing says I love you like ghosts, fireballs, and castles. Ladies, there’s nothing that gets out fires lit like old 8-bit nostalgia.

Nintendo are keen on poking the bear this week. For the purposes of this metaphor I shall be playing the bear and the poking stick is represented by the recent glut of Wii U announcements. They’re poking me into a fevered state where I suddenly find myself compelled to pre-order a brand new console and then feel dirty about it afterwards. I have some genuine soul-searching to do.