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Tim Agne is a stay-at-home dad, trophy husband, writer and sometimes teacher in Phoenix, Arzona. He used to be an online producer for daily newspapers, where he played videogame critic, movie podcaster, energy-drink reviewer, social-media expert. Currently he is clean-shaven. Read more »

Category: Parenting

A word of advice for new dads: NEVER blog about how well your babyperson is sleeping. It’s the oldest and harshest jinx. Last week, the Champ got a surly cold, and not even the formidable Nap Nanny® Chill™ could keep him asleep more than a few hours.

Today’s post is about bottles. I long considered myself an expert on the subject because I’m a master of the adult ones. If a container has booze in it, I will get us to the booze.

More coffee? No thanks, I’m good. TURNS TO CAMERA. Oh hi there. I’m Tim Agne. You may remember me from such defunct blogs as Week Fiction and The Big Yellow Nasty. But I’ll bet what you’re really wondering is how the father of a feisty four-month-old can be so gosh-darn chipper this early in the morning.

Trust me, it’s not just because my wife handles the night feedings and I don’t have to wake up early and get ready for work. The real secret is an incredible new baby product that we’re rating as a “definite buy” for new-baby owners and a “registry must” for prospective baby buyers. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Nap Nanny® Chill™. Everybody sleeps!

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t have any cash right now.” My go-to line for dismissing a panhandler. Usually works.

“I don’t NEED money.”

“What do you need?”

“Diapers.”

Right then in my neighborhood grocery-store parking lot, at dusk on a Monday, a little switch flipped in my new-dad brain. And there was nothing my practical, logical, jaded superego could do to stop what was about to happen.

In order to help you understand what it felt like, here’s an obnoxiously cute baby photo: