OK, former crab. 1977 - RAF Binbrook guarding some god-forsaken fuel dump on the perimeter of the airfield on a four day exercise at about 01.30.
Me and a mate. Two 'orrible scruffy erks. One walking about, the other (me) hiding in the shadows (I know - typical crab I hear you say )
My mate gets held up by a dark shape with a pointy gun and was spreading on the floor when I does the old "Halt, hands up!" business on the dark shape. I made him lay down his weapon and spread on the floor. Then I made my fatal move... I came out of the shadows whereupon I got 'shot' by his oppo lying in yet another shadow. There were lots of shadows you see, well it was dark out and actually we should have been tucked up in bed not guarding some freezing fcuking fuel dump in the freezing cold on windy Binbrook Hill.

After we'd both got 'shot' and put out of action and the fuel dump was 'blown up' with a couple of thunderflashes, one of the dark shapes spoke to me and said:"Are you RAF Regiment"?
"No, I'm an Airframes Fitter".
"Oh, that was not a bad attempt (I think he meant 'for a crab'), We couldn't see you at all until you moved out of the shadows. Nice try".

Then the two dark shapes disappeared across the fields and we kind of stood there not knowing whether to stay there or slope off back to the guardroom. We decided to pretend we were still guarding something worthwhile and waited for another 3/4 of an hour until we were relieved by a Sgt who asked us if we were dead and if the fuel dump had been attacked and destroyed. My mate got clever and said that reports of our demise had been grossly over-exaggerated - which made the Sgt laugh. Oh how we laughed.

So, was it you who shot me? And If I had said "Yes" to the RAF Regiment question, would you have taken me away for questioning with a blindfold and a sharp thing?
I wouldn't like to think I'd missed out on something exciting