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5. jul. 2012

Specialness...

I have come to realize that every thing that happens to me, I ask for, and receive as I have asked. And everything that happens to me is for a reason and is a lesson I can choose to learn.
So far so good.
I also know now that this journey is taken in steps... one at a time.
So here I am in Larissa, thinking I am here to learn iconpainting, by a great teacher who paints wonderful icons. And I am here to learn that - but I am being given anothert lesson - on top of that. I am so lucky!
I have been teaching iconpainting for maybe 4 or 5 years now. I often hear from the students that I am good. Good at painting straight lines, good at painting lovely eyes, and goodlooking hair etc. And I observe how much my ego rejoices in all this!
And I do not attack myself for that, I observe it - and leave it, without judging myself. So far so good.
Today I had another great lesson presented to me. On working with a particularly difficult part of one of Theodore's own icons, I just lost it. Could not see the lines, misunderstood what he said, and all went totally wrong.
And then, my teacher told me that I must practice, try to teach my eyes to see, see different shades, darkness and light, remember I am a beginner, paint straight lines, not too blurred, blurred on one side, not the other...
Of my God, I was just about to walk out of the whole thing. Why? Someone tried to push me from my comfort zone, and my throne of specialness!! I knew I wanted to be special, but that it was this big?
It really pissed me off.
So what to do here? I am so glad I was able to observe this. But observation is not enough. I have to show the whole thing to the Holy Spirit, look at it with forgiving eyes, and not judging it. Just see that this is how I am, this is the way I react. And slowly it lost its grip in me, and I could laugh at the whole thing, and I could also tell Theodore and Violeta about my observations.
I am so grateful that they would listen to me, it is of great help to get it out in the open so to speak...

So - besides being taught Theodore's way to paint an icon - there are also other great lessons involved here!
And there is great help for me to read in A Course in Miracles.
When I came home I read the following lesson :