Intersex women – Being a woman: by MeerderWörter

To celebrate International Women´s day we are sharing this piece about intersex women written at our community event in Copenhagen by one of our participant´s, an intersex woman herself.

Being a woman: by MeerderWörter

No matter whether you have XX or not – you are a woman
No matter whether you are tiny or tall – you are a woman

No matter whether you like men or not – you are a woman
No matter whether you are cis or trans – you are a woman
No matter whether you have children or not – you are a woman

The thing about being a woman is – we come in all shapes and sizes – we are not a one-size-fits-all model. We have big and small families, we have siblings or are only-children. There is diversity in womanhood, and this is beautiful and needs to be celebrated. We need to be respected for who we are.

We need to be treated by our actions, and not our gender, or our sex. Being a woman is something beautiful. There are intersex women: we are BEAUTIFUL! We are not disordered, we are who we are – women who are intersex! We show the true diversity of biology, and this diversity is beautiful. We need no fixing, we need our basic human rights respected! Because think about it – if you don’t respect the Human Rights of a human being – aren’t you denying then that they are human? I think you do – and that is wrong!

We are human beings – no matter our sex characteristics or gender identity. And it is our right that these are respected. We are no monsters. No “less-than” human beings, no “life unworthy of life”.

We are perfect human beings, who happen to have variations in our sex characteristics, and some of us identify as women. And there’s nothing special about us: hey, all people have variations in body features – we all have different hair colours and skin colours… and that is okay and beautiful and is something to be celebrated.

There is no need to handle it the way it is handled now-now we are subjected to rules that other people make for us. Without asking us whether we want to follow those rules or not. The rules of heteronormativity, of allowing a woman to be only a woman when she ticks 10 out of 10 boxes… whatever these boxes say. Womanhood is diverse, and it only harms us in the end when we oppress any kind of being a woman but this one type that society has in mind for us.

Being a woman is so much more than ticking boxes – it is how we feel inside. And our feelings, however complicated they are – they are true. Even if we can’t name them, if we are confused by them – they are still our feelings and they won’t go away when we ignore them – we need to understand why we have them.

And to understand what we can do to process them so that they can change – if they can. Because for many of us, we are on a long journey of finding ourselves again – ourselves and our family, our story and where we are standing in life. It is not easy, and it can be very hard – to understand why things have happened the way they happened. Not being told the truth, the truth being hidden from oneself – that hurts a lot.

We can only change this when we relate our stories, when we find friends who can help us in the process of figuring everything out, of finding ourselves again. This is not easy – especially when something happened that is irreversible.

So, if there can’t be done anything anymore for us – at least let’s try our best to ensure that the next generation grows up without having to face what we had to face. Having their human rights respected, having the ability to give fully informed, free consent. Being able to grow up without shame and stigma. Growing up into the wonderful persons they have the opportunity to grow into.
Change is on its way – and there is hope too that!