McDonald’s dumps Heinz over recent hire

The fast food chain is kicking Heinz to the curb after a 40-year partnership, because the H.J. Heinz Co. hired Bernardo Hees as its new CEO. Hees is the former head of McDonald’s rival Burger King.

Oh no they di-int!

The decision will actually only impact foreign McDonald’s restaurants and the Pittsburgh and Minneapolis markets, which are the only ones that still serve Heinz in the United States.

McDonald’s issued the following statement:

We value the relationship we’ve maintained with Heinz for more than 40 years. As a result of recent management changes at Heinz, we have decided to transition our business to other suppliers over time. We have spoken to Heinz and plan to work together to ensure a smooth and orderly transition of the McDonald’s restaurant business, and are confident that there will be no impact to our business, our customers and our great tasting food at McDonald’s.

I don’t know if the weight of this has truly hit home: You will no longer be able to dip your McDonald’s French fries in Heinz ketchup, people of Pittsburgh, Minneapolis and anywhere else outside the United States. That is, unless you get them to go and use whatever ketchup you please at home.

Heinz could be the greatest tasting ketchup every produced by mankind. Doesn’t matter—Heinz totally hired someone that McDonald’s doesn’t like, so they’re totally going to use a different ketchup. Nothing is sacred, friends.