Solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short

473615

Friday, 17 November, 2006

To those of you who have sent supportive e-mails: Thank you. Even the most modest human gesture is appreciated. Currently my stress and panic or whatever the hell it is manifests as some kind of physical symptoms. Light headed, accelerated heartbeat, I know my mind isn’t even working as well as it usually does. Weeks like this I should have counted my money a dozen times just to be sure, but I can’t seem to count anymore. I’m not really eating. Headache. When I stop eating, something is wrong.

I seem to remember being like this when I was fifteen or so, which is when I could not play the high school game anymore. I have more resources now, but that doesn’t seem to add up to anything. It is as if 70% of whatever it is I am has been removed, and the remnants are trying to run some overly complicated machine. While I am curious to as what any of you would actually do if your primary antagonist wanted to resume a presumed friendly relationship, I don’t think I can handle any sitcom-like scenarios.

but I’m listening.

I want to apologize for my broken English. It comes from my general inability to concentrate and overcompensating by editing everything a thousand times. Sometimes I lose touch with the context.