Speak Up to Get What You Want

Learn the art of scoring results without complaining

Frustration can drive you up the wall, and in the worst situations we tend to nag, throw childish fits and even lash out at those around us. But there are more mature––and effective––ways to approach these sticky situations. Guy Winch, PhD, author of The Squeaky Wheel, offers the best ways to complain without, well, complaining.

You're tempted to: Blow up and blurt, "You never help me." But criticizing him will put him on the defensive and he'll resist addressing your needs, says Dr. Winch.

Instead: Use a complaint sandwich—buffer your gripe with two positive thoughts. Say, "You're so good at making repairs, and since I'm not as handy, I need you to fix that door. I know you'll do a great job."Flattery will motivate him to get the job done. Photo: Thinkstock

Instead: Act kindly. Research shows it's the number-one thing that inspires people to help others, says Dr. Winch. Also, be clear about the resolution you want (say, a replacement phone). It's easier for someone to respond when she knows what's expected, says Dr. Winch. Photo: Shutterstock