I’ve been married for nine years and my husband and I have been actively trying for a baby, unfortunately without success.

I’ve been to see the doctor, who has requested my husband get checked out for fertility problems before they send me for more invasive tests, but he refuses to go. All he needs to do is provide a sperm sample.

I just feel so heartbroken because he knows how much I want a baby and he has always said he wants children, too.

I really feel like walking away from my marriage. I love my husband so much and I would do anything for him but he obviously doesn’t feel the same way.

He also refuses to see a marriage counsellor or even talk about how this is affecting both of us.

The bottom line is that I have always longed to be a mother and can’t face a life without kids.

I feel my only option is to leave my husband and start over on my own. I feel so lonely and depressed. I'm 36 now so time isn’t on my side. What should I do?

Coleen says..

It’s likely that the reason he’s refusing to provide a sperm sample is that he is terrified the results will show that the problem lies with him.

Maybe his ego couldn’t cope with it or maybe he is afraid you would leave him because he knows how desperate you are for a baby.

I don’t think he’s reacting this way because he doesn’t love you but I’m sure he’s feeling under a lot of pressure at the same time.

Maybe you need to reassure him that if the test shows he has a low sperm count or poor quality sperm, you’re not going to find someone else.

Explain that you are willing to have these invasive tests if need be but there’s no point in doing so until he gets tested.

I think you also need to have a longer conversation about what each of you wants if you can’t have a baby naturally.

Is there any other route you would be willing to go down? Have you considered IVF, egg or sperm donation or adoption?

Your hubby probably feels as though your lives revolve around you having a baby, which is taking the love and passion out of your marriage.

Even though what you’re going through is stressful, it’s very important not to lose yourselves as a couple.