Horrifying figurines of foetuses, now available to buy

EVER looked at the world and become suddenly depressed? You realise that everything ugly you see, is man-made. So, your attentions turn to nature, where everything is beautiful. And vicious. And cruel. And bloody.

In a bid to couple the two worlds, some weirdos have decided to make models – which you can buy – of unborn babies. That’s right. You can now pay money for something that still lives inside a woman you know.

What happens is this – the nutters at 3d-babies.com – get an ultrasound scan of your child while it is still floating around in amniotic bag and makes a model of the little parasite, so you can creep all visitors out, by bringing an unborn baby on them.

The model will copy the position it is sat in, its face and skin tone and the whole thing will set you back £365 with the site saying: “The pregnancy with your child is a once in a lifetime experience. Recall those feelings over again with your own 3D Baby.”

Anyone buying these should have spent that money on condoms or the taxi fare to a vasectomy.

The company say that all they want to do is to “bring a smile to the faces of parents, grandparents, and other family members as they recall the day that they met their little one.”

That said, when you meet a pregnant woman with a human growing inside her that has no fingernails, sits in a pouch of it’s own faeces and has a stomach trunk which it feeds through, it doesn’t really count as ‘the first time you met someone’s baby’. It’s like assuming you can meet a fish. They’ve no idea. Unborn babies and fish alike, are about as sentient as a Furby in a skip of emulsion.

It gets weirder. The company are also invading the privacy of celebrity wombs. You can buy a foetus of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s baby. If you’re even considering that purchase, you should be hung and left in the street as an example to everyone, you gruesome womb-botherer.

As “art” the fetus models are a bit tacky, in a big-eyed-children-on-black-velvet paintings way. But writer Mof Gimmers is actually horrified by them. He is so “depressed” by these models of little humans that….

Wait! Of course! Gimmers is revolted by unborn human beings. It’s not the models that bothers him, really, its what they represent. The unborn are just clumps of cells to him, or “little parasites,” as he calls them. They’re like fish, he says. I’m not sure how he sees a fish when he looks at the 3D fetus models, but his hatred and disdain of unborn children is obvious.

Gimmers wrote that seeing the fetus models make him “realise that everything ugly you see, is man-made.” The models are man-made, and are, according to him, “ugly.” (I wonder if Gimmer thinks the Eiffel Tower or the Egyptian pyramids are ugly.) When Gimmers sees the fetus model, which is an accurate depiction of an unborn human baby, he sees viciousness, cruelty and bloodiness. Is that a Freudian expression of guilt feelings over abortion, with which he obviously has no problem?

In Mondo Gimmer, a mother’s unborn child is just a parasite sitting in a sack of its own shit, not worthy of being born – especially if its parents had a 3D model made of it. “Anyone buying these should have spent that money on condoms or the taxi fare to a vasectomy.” In other words, the child should not have been conceived because Gimmers’ artistic taste differs from that of the parents. Let’s hope Mof Gimmer never gets that appointment to be Minister of Eugenics. If he did, he might also include parents who have their baby’s shoes bronzed forcefully sterilized.

When Gimmer and creeps like him see a pregnant woman, they must recoil in fear. A psychologically healthy person would see the beauty of mother-to-be. Gimmer’s crowd sees a woman victimized by an ugly fish-like parasite lurking inside of her. What must they think of a newborn child, out of the womb, still dependent on its parents for food and safety? One might consult Aldous Huxley for the answer to that.