Today has been a rough day with my local Occupy. It started with a long, heated conversation about using violent and/or eliminationist language, a conversation that lasted nearly all day even though I was at work, (see below for a transcript if you dare) and now, browsing through the photos from the Eco March last weekend, I found this:

Mentally I'm exhausted. I'm saddened and disappointed to be fighting with supposed progressives about whether or not saying they want to scalp someone is actually racist, or if it's just me being offended. It doesn't matter how articulate, reasonable or accurate I am, I get shot down.

I'm tired of letting things slide that I know I shouldn't, but am letting them slide because I knew this kind of day would happen; I'm too sensitive, I'm censoring people, there's freedom of speech in this country you know! So I should just say nothing when someone says "The thing that pisses me off is that we didn't scalp Gordon Campbell as he waddled his useless ass off to Europe." or use the terms 'crazy' or 'nuts' to talk about people they don't like or don't agree with. I should say nothing in the face of this particular sign because of course she doesn't mean ME or any of the other fat folks who are a part of Occupy, she means those OTHER fat people, the bad ones who eat bad food and ruin the planet with their over-consumption.(Of course, I did leave a comment on it saying "Nice to know us fat people are to blame for the world's ills. Makes me feel really welcome!" Just waiting for the backlash on that.) Edited to add: Comments now include "Truth hurts, life goes on" and, as I knew there would be "oh, she didn't mean it/mean it that way." And now, well, the sign is only aimed at the fat 1%. So I guess it's ok to attack rich fat people, but not rich middle class or poor people.

The thing that's REALLY REALLY bugging me is that, although I have repeatedly said that I think Occupy can be better than it is, and that's why I'm bringing this stuff up, it comes back to me being unreasonable, a censor, an enemy to free speech. I let the thread where the argument originally happened die because derailing the entire page for it because of 2 people arguing with me wasn't worth it. So we took it to the internet specific group where one of the guys wanted to talk about moderator's personal opinions having too much sway, and that we should just stick to our basic guidelines. These are my responses to various posts by various people, with thier comments paraphrased as I don't actually have permission to repost them whole. I'm plunking it here to help me get it off my chest and also to show what I'm up against in a supposedly progressive space like Occupy.

Me: I'd just like to say that I've actually let a lot of stuff slide
that, if I thought for a second anyone would back me up on it, I would've
said something about it. I've been, IMO, lenient and let a lot of things
go that in a more truly progressive space, would
be called out. Asking people not to use racist, homophobic, abelist, or
sexist language, or violent rhetoric, isn't censorship or limiting their
right to freedom of expression. It's asking them to have some basic
compassion and thought for what they actually post on our wall. It's
challenging their privilege, thier supposed right to use language that's
oppressive, and ya, people get defensive (because noone likes to get
called on this stuff) but that's how we grow (hopefully). Is it REALLY
that hard to think of a better word or different phrase than 'scalping'? Is it REALLY so difficult to not use language that is steeped deeply in
racial oppression? I don't think so, because if it IS, Occupy Nanaimo
isn't nearly as progressive and open minded as I thought it was.
P.s I'm not offended by the term 'scalping', I'm contemptuous. I dont'
give a flying fuck if someone is offended by what I write, anywhere, but
I AM concerned with harm. Using racially loaded terms like scalping
hurts us as a movement and alienates our First Nation allies. It was a
real thing done to real people. It's not an abstract concept from the
distant past. Scalping took place well into the 20th century, and there
are STILL places in the world where simply being First Nations will get
you attacked, especially if you live somewhere that a big company wants
to mine or deforest."

In return I got "But scalping was done in Europe by white people to other white people!" and that how you use a word is more important than what the word actually means. "Meaning is use specific".

Me: Sorry **** but words mean things. It's not 'just' language, or
are you going to argue that someone who uses the word 'nigger' on our
page can go ahead and do that? I mean, it's 'just' language, right?

After THAT I got "well how YOU see the word doesn't actually make it wrong" and "scalping was just 1 of many bad things that happened. Are we never allowed to mention those?" And then he got pissy with me for using the N-word to make my point about language, and told to 'grow the fuck up'. Charming!

Me: Whether it's scalping or lynching, another historically racist
act, my broader point that people are missing is that this violent
eliminationist language is not acceptable for a progressive space.
That's the kind of language the violent and ignorant use. Are we stupid or ignorant? No, because I've clearly
explained things. At this point the only arguement that can be made for
continuing to use/allow that kind of language is privilege. "Well I can
say this stuff because it doesn't affect ME. I'M not racist! I'm not
REALLY advocating violence!" It's just so much easier to keep using this
language than to THINK, isnt' it?

More about freedom of speech, as long as it's not hate speech, and how wrong I am, how ignorant, defensive and close minded I am, and how dare I use the n-word just to 'win' at a debate!

Me: Ok, let's pretend for a moment that I'm coming from an advanced,
progressive and feminist space and actually know what I'm talking about.
Let's pretend I've spent years studying and debating and talking about
this, living it and writing about it. Now that we're all on the same
page, please try to understand; this isn't about winning a debate, it's
about working with our group to get rid of its defensiveness, ignorance
and close-mindedness surrounding certain language. The wonderful thing
about freedom of speech is it allows you to really see where a person's
coming from. What we say and how we say it matters. Words mean things,
and it's not just my opinion that scalping, or lynching, is an oppressive,
racially loaded word, it's fact. The really troubling thing for ME, as
a progressive, as a First Nations ally, as a feminist and as a
moderator of this space, is that anyone is actually DEFENDING their ability to use
this language. To me, it's reprehensible and tells me a lot more about
you (general you/them) than it does about me. I cannot condone the use
of violent, eliminationist language on our page, for any reason. Aren't
we better than that?

Apparently not, because immediately following that I'm told that I'm 'parading around like one of our trolls' and that the page is a free and open space where people can say whatever they please. Again I'm being told I'm 'offended' by the original scalping comment, and that words only have value/meaning if you give it to them. This guy's not going to go all 1984 on our pages by censoring people, oh no he's not! It's just me who's got the problem.

Me: Parading around? Really? Making a strong
argument that none of you have actually been able to refute is
'parading'? Should I get myself a trombone and a shiny hat? Maybe some
nice boots to go with it? It's a free and open space that can be better
than it is. Thats' all I'm asking for really, is that people THINK
before they post. I expect more, I expect better, from a supposedly
progessive and open-minded space like Occupy. My standards, they are
high, but like I've said, I've also let other language slide in the past
because I didn't want to rock the boat. Why? I KNEW that this
discussion we're having, this dog-piling on me about language, would
happen. But I can't swallow that shit anymore, so here we are.

A while later Parading came back with "We're doing what?" and basically that policing language in this way is outside admin/mod duties, and that hey, I shouldn't allow words to have negative meanings. Seriously? *sigh*

Me: Again, you're missing my
entire point. It's not my personal opinion that saying "I wish I'd
scapled so and so" is racist and oppressive and violent. That's reality.
Its' a fact. I'm saying that there's no place for that kind of language
in Occupy. It is incredibly close
minded to continue to want to use that kind of language in the face of
the arguements I've presented. It's not just my personal preference
here, it's years of experience in actual progressive spaces, with actual
progressives. It's distrubing to me that you and everyone else who's
responded to this thread has sidestepped my point of "But don't you
think Occupy should be BETTER THAN THAT?" with "But free speech!" Or
"Just don't take it so personally, Jen" or "words don't really have
meanings!", with that last one taking the absolute verbal cake. Words
have meanings. Just because those meanings don't make YOU personally
uncomfortable doesnt' indicate that the words themselves are empty
syllables. If we're actually serious about making Occupy a safe and open
space for everyone, we need to be serious about what kind of language
we present.

And now more 'but scalping isn't a racist term!' and 'it's just an expressive comment, not a threat!'

Me:
Words aren't racist? Really? What about cracker? Kike? Chink? Gook?
Wagon-burner? Sand-nigger? Towel head? Those are all racist terms.
They're racist no matter who says them, though context is important. As
with swearing, there's a difference
between calling someone an obvious racial epithet and using it as an
example, as I have done. According to M I should be allowed to use
this language on the page because hey, words don't really mean things!
If someone gets mad, I'll just tell them not to let my words affect them
negatively, right? I should also be allowed to say "God, I wish someone
could just go shoot Harper in the face." or "Man, I wish someone would
bomb Parliament and wipe out all those politicians who are messing
things up for this country." Or how about "Geeze, I wish someone would
beat the crap out of Bill Gates. That guy's such a jerk for having all
that money." I'm not *directly* saying that *I* want to go do these
things, so it's OK! I'm only wishing harm on people, it's not a big
deal, and it's not like noone's ever heard violent rhetoric before and
then decided to follow through! That's NEVER HAPPENED. (That was
sarcasm, btw).

Fine, we disagree. You don't think it's a
big deal, and I really do. I think Occupy Nanaimo should grow and become
better, you and others don't. As admins part of our job is to create
safe space for dialogue. We agree that racism, sexism, homophobia and
other things in the guidelines are NOT ok, why not violent language? Why
the double standard?

Apparently no, words are never racist. They're just empty syllables until you put some feeling or intent or something behind them. It's like magic! It's too bad Canada's hate speech laws and our Charter disagree with him (and by it's too bad I actually mean I'm so glad!) After that there was an attempt by me to point out that no, intent isn't everything because if you say to me "Hey baby, nice ass" and meant it as a compliment, and I charge you with sexual harassment, the law is on my side.

Edited on Friday evening to add that now the argument has devolved into accusing me of abusing my modly powers and 'pushing' Occupy in a personal direction instead of a group one. Also, in reference to parading, I was offered shiny hat, trombone and sheet music by one of the guys. I offered to continue to push for better language, but make it clear that it's coming from me personally and not from the mod team. Personally I think that just makes the rest of the mod team look bad, but if they dont' want to be associated with making Occupy a more progressive space, I can't make them. If this comes up at a GA, as has been threatened, to take away my modly powers, I'm more than ready to argue my point for a better Occupy Nanaimo and I'm pretty sure most of those assembled would agree with me. Oh yes, there was also a pointed question about why I even get to BE a mod, seeing as how I'm not at the GAs very much and don't DO enough for Occupy. Seriously? If me busting my brain the last 36 hours isn't work for Occupy, I don't know what is.

More as it develops, or not. Tomorrow is Friday, so thank Goddess for that.

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