Strange Snacks of the (Dog) World–A FITR Special Investigative Report

May 27, 2009

The doggie cannoli, a treat your dog won’t want to miss (click to enhance the revoltingness)

Fork in the Road strolled into a pet store in Forest Hills recently, intent on watching some puppies cavort in their cages. What we found, in addition to the usual rawhide bones and Scooby snacks, were a strange assortment of canine treats which mimic things that humans eat. Not content to make our animals worship us and hang on our every word, must we also insist on humiliating them by making them eat things that look like what we eat, but taste totally inferior? Shame on us humans! We were suddenly seized by a perverse curiosity, and, raising the doggie cannoli to our lips…

jump for more strange snacks of the (dog) world

and we took a gingerly bite. Hmmm. It didn’t taste awful, but it didn’t taste good, either. Kind of chalky and bland, with no salt whatsoever. At $1.95 each, the doggie cannoli was more expensive than a human cannoli. Worst of all, it wasn’t sweet in the least. Funny how we labor to protect an animal’s teeth, while indulging our own desire to eat sugar regardless of our teeth. Hey, maybe the dog wants something that tastes sweet, too.

Right beside it was a snack that catapulted this unreality into another dimension. A bin of “cookies,” three for a dollar, called carob drops. Oh, so now we don’t want our animals to have real chocolate, either? Instead we ply them with treats made of carob. What if your dog doesn’t consider herself a carob-eating hippie? What if the other dogs make fun of her for eating carob instead of chocolate? Doesn’t your dog deserve the goodness of real chocolate?

And so it went, as we worked our way down the treat aisle, and discovered many snacks that flattered the master, but few that truly appealed to the slave.

Another dubious snack was made with rawhide that had been infused with an artifical peanut butter flavor. Now, what self-respecting dog would prefer the flavored rawhide to the peanut butter sandwich you now hold in your hand? Our suspicion is that what the dog really wants is a piece of rawhide that tastes like rawhide. Or maybe she’d rather have that steak you pulled out of the freezer for dinner. Try this: for one day: Wolf down the flavored doggie treats and let your beloved pet eat what you were going to eat!

At the very least, the salmonella peanut scare should keep you from purchasing this dubious snack for your pet!