Life is a beautiful string tied into various knots that you must untangle

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Joy & Sorrow

When I was a little girl I was the most cheerful little girl in the world. Rain and shine I would have a brilliant smile plastered across my place. I was a daddy's girl, which made certain things difficult. Like when I was 18 months old I was diagnosed and my dad gave up on God. I always thought about that through the rough patches in my life. Also my dad worked a lot. He still does. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes what it puts me through. When I was little it was no father figure around much. I missed him. Now I find it hard to call him. He always seems busy. I even wonder if cares more about work than about me. When my parents split my dad lived in an apartment. I was 4. I looked forward to his visits on the weekends. Then my mom met and fell in love with my stepdad. I never disliked him and when they were getting married I was excited to be part of the wedding. I was in tears during the wedding photos but not because I disagreed with the ceremony because I was upset I couldn't TAKE the photos. I was a goofy little girl. The only reason I didn't like my mom getting married was because I didn't want her changing her last name. Like I said.... goofy. There was a time when I lived across the country from my dad. I saw him once a year when HE visited me. Now I live one state away. We only see each other one more time a year and we are so much (geographically) closer. Now the blame lay on both of us. He doesn't call me that often and I don't call him. But I love him so much I'm so happy when I do get to see and talk to him. Now this doesn't have to do with the title directly. The Joy comes from what someone said to me yesterday. The Sorrow is from the death of Avery. The little girl from my last post. She passed away the 30th of April and will be dearly missed. She also seemed to be quite the daddy's girl. Her dad wrote her blog and both of her parents had such hope in her. It was and is quite amazing and inspirational.