July 17, 2013

An honest weigh-in

All day today, I was trying to come up with reasons not to post my weigh-in today. I had a terrible week (I probably only stayed on plan for two days total), and I watched my weight climb all week long. Even when I opened this blank post to start writing, I was planning to say something like, "I'm going to take a pass for my Wednesday Weigh-in today..."

Is it okay to take a break from the scale once in a while? Of course. But I know me ;) I know that it would be the start of skipping many more weigh-ins just because I gained a lot, and didn't want to show the internet. When I got to my goal weight in December, I said I was going to weigh in every single week, no matter how badly I didn't want to.

So today, I really really really didn't want to. But I'm going to, because I don't like breaking promises to myself.

Two weeks ago, I was at my goal weight of 133. Today, I was eight pounds heavier. Am I surprised? No. I ate very poorly this week. Am I totally devastated? No, because I know that if I get right back on track, it will only be a short setback. I actually think seeing that number on the scale was sobering enough to make me realize that every day really does matter. I have to log my food every day, even if I eat way too much (there were a couple of days where I didn't this week).

I've been doing this long enough now to know that I can take the gain off just as quickly as I put it on if I get right back on track. I also know that if I don't get right back on track, by next week, I could be up another five pounds. So even though I am going out to La Pita for dinner tonight (!), I am back to measuring and counting.

Jerry kind of fell off the wagon this week, too; we both got in that "But it's summer!" mindset that I've talked about before. I'm not putting any blame on him in any way, but when he's off track, it's easier for me to fall off, too (and vice versa, I'm sure). We had a long talk about it yesterday, and we are both totally committed to not letting this one week turn into two or more.

Anyway, it was hard to post the gain, but I'm glad I did. Did anyone happen to watch Extreme Weight Loss last night? The man on the show started manipulating the scale to make it look like he'd lost weight when he really was gaining. He was lying to Chris Powell for weeks (maybe months) about it. When he finally told Chris about what he was doing, he said that he felt so much pressure to lose the weight, he lied about it, and then planned on actually losing it so nobody would know. But instead of losing it, he kept gaining, until it was obvious that he had been lying.

So I think, in a way, "taking a pass" for my weigh in would feel dishonest in that way. For anyone who wants to know what life is like in maintenance, this is a reality. It's happened to me lots of times over the past few years, and I'm sure it'll happen again! The key is just getting right back on track and taking care of it right away, instead of continuing to eat poorly and say, "Just one more day".

Considering all of this, it was perfect timing, then, when I got this bracelet in the mail yesterday:

Brandi, one of my readers, had this bracelet made for me--it says "determination always trumps motivation". That is something I said over and over in my head the whole time I was losing weight and feeling unmotivated. Motivation is very temporary, and can help get through a tough moment or day. But determination is for the long haul, and that helped me to chug along through the whole weight loss/maintenance process, good and bad. (I wrote a post a while ago about the difference between motivation and determination).

Now, about La Pita... I'm very excited about going tonight. Stephanie and I are going to meet up with Kelly from Sublurban Mama! I only know her through her blog, and since Steph "knows" her too, we thought it would be fun to meet up for dinner. And what better place than La Pita? ;)

47 comments:

Thank you for your honest posts. I will be in maintenance mode in just a couple weeks and am worried about how hard it will be. I know I've learned a lot during my weight loss journey but still worry about keeping the weight off. So thank you. That's why I love your blog so much.

Your post was extremely timely for me as well!! I have been watching my weight climb slowly (then NOT so slowly) since February. Such a struggle. I have been avoiding the scale and I know that once I do that I am on my way to even larger gains. Sadly I was not at my goal weight but was at a nice weight for me, 23 pounds later I am getting myself together AGAIN and want to feel the control that once made me feel amazing.

Thank you so much for being honest with us AND yourself! It's refreshing - it can be a little discouraging to read some other healthy living/running blogs that make things out to always be perfect. The fact to you seem to share reality with us is just one great great reason to read your blog :)

Whenever I fall off the wagon, I never want to weigh myself. I don't want to know what reality is. But I know, that if I don't look at those numbers, I will continue in the downward spiral. Like you said, the numbers keep you honest. Good for you for getting back on that wagon!

On a side note, a question for you. When you do your long runs, how/what do you hydrate and re-energize with? Ie: Gu, shockblocs, jelly beans.

Thanks Kim! When I do my long runs, I usually just have water until I get up to about a 14-miler. In the past, I've always used Gu for those runs, but during my marathon in October, the Gu made me really nauseous. So I started using Shot Bloks (I love the margarita flavored ones) instead. I like them because you don't have to have a full serving at once (3 Shot Bloks is the equivalent of 1 Gu). So I might eat one every couple of miles. But the big key is finding out what works for YOU--try lots of different fuel, and see what you like best!

My weight is up at the moment too, and I really need to get back on track. It's been one thing after another lately, and I know it's not an excuse to gain weight, but I have. Most people that get sick don't want to eat, but when I have a cold type illness, all I want to do is eat. In the past week I think I've eaten enough popsicles, ice cream, spoonfuls of peanut butter and other random crap to feed a 3rd world country. :/ I did much better today though, so I am slowly getting back on track. Not being able to exercise has sucked, and made me depressed, so then I want to eat even more. Today at the store I got some of that peanut butter stuff you posted because I just had to try it. I thought it was ok, not bad, not great. It's probably good I don't love it though, or else half the jar would be gone in a couple days. It's weird, I can keep Nutella in the house now, and I don't want it that much, but not biscoff spread. Anyway, I think summer is just hard for a lot of people. I bet you'll get back on track and your weight will be back down in no time. I was proud I got a pint of Ben and Jerry's and didn't eat the whole thing in one sitting. lol I can't wait for fall! Like you, I think the stress of my kids bickering makes me want to eat non stop. Plus, they ask for snacks all day long, so I feel like I am always in the kitchen around THE FOOD. argh

Katie, thank you for being so honest with us all the time. I look forward to your posts every day and I know that whatever you say is the total truth. It helps keep me accountable to myself when I can see you being accountable with all of us! You are truly an inspiration (even when you don't feel like you are!)

I commend you for posting your weigh-in results. Honestly, that's what keeps me away from WW weigh-ins. I get so ashamed of falling off the wagon that I just don't do, and then I find myself in a worse spot than I was beforehand.

Keep on doing what you're doing. You're an amazing inspiration to us all!--Mave

Thank you for posting daily. Your blog is something I look forward to daily. I appreciate that you are a real person, and that you have ups and downs - in weight and motivation. Your description of motivation vs. determination is something that echos in my head when I think about things.Posting when things are not ideal is hard for you, but it is something that those of us who read your blog treasure about reading it - we are watching you, and being inspired by you and your journey. We want to see you do well, but we know you are human because you admit when things are not going well. Something I have been pondering lately is how much there is not a destination with weight loss or fitness. You never really finish either - there is always more work that could be done, or some reason you find you are not quite 'there' yet. Even when you meet your goals, you then come up with new ones, or life throws you a curve and you have to return to the original goals.Anyway, thank you for being you - and sharing who you are with us!-NNMSunshine (sparkpeople)

that is a lot of weight to gain in a week!! It just goes to show how quickly it can happen. Thanks for sharing that. I have just started my weight loss journey and needed to see this! There are already weeks when I refuse to weigh because if theres not a loss Im afraid I will freak. What do you think? Should I weigh once a week no matter what??

I know that feeling. I gained about eleven pounds back over the last month, and even though I knew it was temporary, it was SO HARD to see that scale hit 300 again. I've lost five pounds of it already, but it's still irritating.

I get you on "determination vs motivation". Motivation was great at the beginning and is good for anyone with 5-10 pounds to lose, but when you have 100-200 to lose, motivation can only do so much. It's a long process (I've been losing since April 2012), and posters and Pinterest can only do so much. :)

Good for you for being honest! I know you struggle with your weight (and, I know you've mentioned, body issues) but your honesty is a quality that you will retain regardless of what the scale says - kudos for that! Do you weigh yourself just once a week? Just curious. I'm a daily weigh-er - it helps me to know the damage/success immediately so that I can rectify what needs to be rectified and celebrate what needs to be celebrated. I'm in maintenance mode, too, although my weight loss was a bit less (post-baby I had to lose between 30 and 50 pounds, depending on the pregnancy).

Now for a running question: I recently ran a 5K that I had trained hard to PR in...and didn't. I'm mad at my body and my iphone (my tunes didn't start and I didn't want to lose time fiddling with the stupid thing). My question is, when you're not training specifically for a race, what does your running schedule look like? Or are you always planning your next race? ;)

This post could not have come at a better time! I took a break from my weight loss routines because of summer...I know, I know. I gained about 5 pounds back and yesterday I was really feeling like a failure. I know that at some point in my life I will be at maintenance and it is humbling to know that I may need to think about this now so that I know how to fix it then. Just get back on track. And I LOVE that bracelet. Determination...we all have to have it in order to get where we want to be. Thanks for writing so honestly. I read your blog every day and it has helped me through some of my rough patches. Take care Katie!

Isn't it crazy that no matter how long you do this, you know you HAVE to track? There are days I'd like to avoid it but I know that one leads to two and so on. I try to remind myself I changed my lifestyle and that's a part of it! I'm like you - I have to watch or bad things happen. :)

Be happy that you recognize it and you know what to do to get back on track and lose it again!!

Also, I LOVE that bracelet! Brandi, if you're reading do you have an etsy store or anything??

Thank you for being so honest and transparent, and not giving up on yourself! We don't give up on you, either! But I just wanted to say, purely from the perspective of a third party, that its not very surprising to see how you struggle time and again. Time and again we read how you make unhealthy choices, so really its no wonder that you struggle in maintenance mode. As a former obese person, too, I understand where you are coming from, really I do. But maintenance is SO MUCH EASIER if you made healthy choices,and quit with the cookies and frosting and just plain junk. So many times I read your determination, but then you are very quick to excuse away the reasons why you made unhealthy choices. If I may say so, that's not inspiring to read.

You said: "maintenance is SO MUCH EASIER if you made healthy choices".

Well, it may be true that eating healthy 100% of the time is pretty much a sure way to keep weight off. However, I don't think totally giving up sweets and so-called "unhealthy" choices like cookies is neither completely possible nor wise because deprivation inevitably leads to bingeing for a lot of people. Stuff like that is really only unhealthy because/if you overeat it or eat it in place of healthy things.

Maybe you can do entirely without "unhealthy" stuff, but that's your choice. I would guess that most people cannot or wouldn't choose to give up enjoying those types of food from time to time and many of them are still healthy and happy, so don't judge on that basis.

Its not about "eating healthy 100% of the time"....its about NOT gaining 10 pounds of weight at a time. Its about eating healthy ENOUGH of the time that you aren't yo-yoing all the time. Its also about finding healthy choices that satisfy so that you aren't deprived. And midwest mom, i didn't start my comment off with that phrase...i started my comment off by thanking Katie for being honest and transparent. Katie, I apologize if I have offended you...that was never my intention!!!

In regards to weight loss and maintaining a big loss. A friend told me you need to recognize sometimes you are going to fail, but when you do fail small. Try to keep those moments when you aren't meeting your own expectations small and then move on from them. Don't get discouraged and move on. If you dwell on it that only gives you an opportunity to get bummed out and repeat the pattern. Sounds like that is what you are doing :)

As a relatively new reader, I am just getting to "know you", but I already appreciate your honesty. I just jumped back on the wagon of tracking myself after thinking I could do it in my head. The scale and I had a difference of opinion on that matter. Your running success has also been a great source of inspiration to me. Good luck!

Katie I would love it if you would use your sparkpeople account or My Fitness Pal. I use MFP and I would love to be able to have you to keep me honest about my food and vice versa. Maybe if you started using one of those sites again so you werent just accountable to yourself and maybe Jerry that would help? Maybe that is just me being selfish because I feel like I do the same exact things you do when it comes to summer and letting go :)

I have followed your blog for awhile now, and I can completely relate to your struggles. I have dealt with binge eating since I was a teenager (I recently turned 50). A couple of months ago I found a book that has really helped me move forward in a positive way. The book is called Whole: Rethinking the Science of Nutrition. I have gone completely plant based, whole foods, little or no oil. I have learned to make all kinds of great meals (including desserts).I feel great, and have lost about 5 pounds without counting points, calories, etc. My cravings have disappeared. I know it seems extreme, but I wish I'd made the switch much earlier. It would have saved me a lot of grief. Something you might consider...

Thanks for posting. I started WW about a month ago (mostly due to your success - I've done it several times in the past, but the last few times just didn't work for me. This is my first time trying it with the PP system) and had been doing great, but then I went out of town, and I fell off the wagon for a couple of days and gained 3 lbs and blah blah blah. But I'm back on the wagon this week, and even though the weight isn't coming off as fast as I'd hoped, I'm still sticking to the plan.

Thanks for talking about it and sharing your weight! One of the many reasons I read your blog each day is because your real! We all go up and down on the scale for many different reasons and we all know the feeling of just avoiding the subject of it! Thanks for being real Katie! This is what life is all about, the up's and down's!! (Hopefully more down's in this case!) :)

When I stepped on the scale today I was up 5 lbs (my "lowest" was 134 and the scale has said a solid 139 for 5 days in a row - after losing 61 lbs to get down to that number initially) and it is so discouraging...but not surprising. The past couple of weeks I haven't been eating well. I haven't been tracking my food well. I haven't been exercising as much. What you said about just accepting it for what it is and moving forward to get it back together (lose it again!) NOW instead of hiding in the corner and pretending it didn't happen (and essentially making it worse!) is exactly what I needed to hear.

THANK YOU!

Here's to a great week of tracking and being accountable and getting that number back down STAT! :)

I love you for being honest. I love you for being real. I love your blog and read everyday and when I don't want to go for a run I think of you and I do it anyway. Thank you for sharing your ups and downs. I love your new bracelet, where can I order one? Thanks again--you rock!

I really appreciate you sharing the downs with the ups. It's only fair because that is how a true weight loss journey works. I also didn't want to weigh in this week because it was TOM, I ate out three times this past week and I had three glasses of wine the night before my weigh-in. But I did it and I was thrilled to see a one pound loss. Even though I indulged the three times I ate out, the rest of the day I ate really well so I think that helped balance out my indulgences.

Count me as a member of the "yes, the scale is up club" ! For me, it's an even 10 pounds. I'm super proud... as always, for your honesty. But even prouder, that you refuse to hit the panic button over it!We'll regroup .... stay focused and watch the numbers drop together !

LOVE the braclet .... and want one ! If you ever determine where your reader got it, let us know please.

Go you being so honest. It's not easy to face yourself when you know that you've slipped. I've just started my weight loss journey after giving three months ago. I've lost 6lbs, but I know that I have a very, very long way to go. Another 144lbs. I know I will have slip-ups, and knowing that you can face it and still move forward and hold yourself accountable, makes me feel that just maybe I will be able to do that too. I hope! Anyway, go you!

I think that the real slippery slope is when you don't acknowledge bad weeks or gains. That is when people start skipping meetings or stop blogging with the thought of "Well I will do really hard this week and go next week so it won't show a gain" Then before you know it, it's a serious regain. We have all been there. Being honest about it is very important as a step to turn it around.

Katie, thanks for your honest post!I have been off plan...well way over my WW points for the last 3-4 weeks and i can't seem to get back on track. I start out the day well then it all falls apart. I really appreciate your honesty because it's nice to know i'm not alone in my struggles. My friends don't get it but its nice that you do and as well as many of your readers. This post has made me really face my struggles and am happy to say that today i have logged all my points and stayed in range. I was losing motivation and determination...all of it. But i'm not done my journey, i'm 70ish pounds down in to my 100 pound journey and i am not done...this is just a setback. Without struggle there is no progress!

Hi Katie! Hang in there! I haven't weighed myself in over a month because I'm too afraid... I'm studying for the bar exam right now, so emotional eating is in high-gear. I generally try not to cave in to excuses about stuff going on in my life because there's always something I can blame my overeating on. For example, "I did well on something so I should treat myself" or "today was a bad day, so I shouldn't feel bad about indulging a little bit" or "it's the weekend, so I should just relax and enjoy myself", etc. I'm in maintenance (lost 30 lbs 3 1/2 years ago) and I'm really afraid of rebounding, but I know I'm OK otherwise - I just have to get through the next 2 1/2 weeks!

I'm an emotional eater and if I were to lie to myself about my weight it would make me eat. So I know even if the truth is bad I know where I stand and know what I have to do. Thanks so much for posting and showing us your gritty and determined self, it makes me work that bit harder.

Ok, I know I've fallen off my own calorie tracking wagon when I am almost a month behind reading your blog. I had to start with Noah's birthday and work forward and got to this post today and omg, did I need to read this. I had fallen off the wagon back around the 4th of July, then just let myself "stay" off the wagon since vacation was July 13-20, then hadn't even jumped back on. I finally got on the scale on Tuesday and was up freaking 12 pounds in that time, from 141.5 to 153.5. I'm so disappointed in myself. And like you, the crappy eating was making the runs harder (training for my first marathon, Chicago! speaking of which, are you thinking of doing a reader meet-up?). I was determined to be at goal of 132 by the time of the marathon, and realistically at this point, I'd just love the scale to say 139.9 to be in the 130's when I leave for Chicago. I can't believe I let myself slip so far. In the 2 days back on track, I'm down 3.3lbs to 150.2, so I know I can get back there again, but it seems like 141 is the # I've hit 4x's since my 2nd kid was born 4 years ago and then I gain 10-20 pounds again. Determined not to let this 12 pounds gain turn into 20, but to get it back in check, and then get to goal. I really, really appreciate you being honest about your gain, as it helps me see it's not just me that struggles with it, and a reminder to not keep saying "tomorrow I'll start, or two more days, or just get through the weekend", it's time now. Seriously, thank you. You help so many of us, I only wish I could return the favor.

I'd love to hear from you! I read all of my comments, and if you have a question, I do my best to respond; sometimes, however, I get busy and forget to go back to reply, so if it's important, just email me! :)

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