Archie Sharp, who’s serving a 30- to 110-year term, sent a letter to his warden, Kurt Jones. Sharp’s missive, styled as a “Private Agreement,” demanded $1 million for every day that he was being kept in the pen.

By its terms, the document was “self-executing” and would become effective if [Jones] allowed a five-day period to expire without responding.

To no one’s surprise, Jones didn’t answer Sharp. So, Sharp sued in the Court of Claims, alleging that Jones was liable “to him under the terms of the ‘Private Agreement,’ as either an express contract or an account stated.”

A claim like Sharp’s can be fertile ground for clever appellate judicial zingers.

But Judges Fitzgerald, Cavanagh and Davis resisted the temptation placed before them. Instead, they patiently explained that the “agreement” lacked mutuality, did not fall under the UCC and did not present a claim for account stated.