Sunday, 15 April 2012

Teri Marx Ki: Didi sees Red at every Left Turn.

The politics of West Bengal (or is it officially Poschim Bangla now?) have
always intrigued political commentators in particular, and the nation as a
whole. The last decade however was rather boring, because the Left front
resorted to cheap publicity stunts, like withdrawing support to the UPA, only
to lose the State Elections later on. Now, it seems, the politics of WB (PB)
have become interesting once again. Thanks to Mamata Banerjee—the defender of
the Bengali people, the bane of the UPA, and conspiracy-terminator par
excellence. She, it seems, is never short of controversies and is an incredibly
perceptive, and woman of substance (in this case, a healthy diet ofmachcher jholand rice; or is she vegetarian
now? Then again, name me one Bong worth his/her salt, who is one? And Didi, as
we know, is worth quite a bit if, erm, salt—well, enough to spoil the best laid
recipes of the UPA, at least).

There is no challenge big enough that Mamata Didi cannot
handle (andnotmake them into trending topics on
Twitter). After a shocking revelation that the Left was to blame for the number
of crib deaths which plagued state-run hospitals, and that rape victims were in
fact a part of a conspiracy to malign her state (those immoral, loose s****!),
Mamata Didi has left no stone unturned to take the blinkers off the eyes of the
rest of the nation. This woman is one the country’s most tenacious, albeit
amiable chief ministers, whoseseemingly“paranoia” driven, and “knee-jerk”
reactions onlyappearso, because they are portrayed by a
media bribed by the Left & the UPA.

And this time, history itself is on her agenda of
reformation. Her target, the person after whom a Facebook group, ‘Why the
fuck is Karl Marx in every freaking subject?’ is named: the German
philosopher, Karl Marx and his partner, Fredrick Engels (the connotations of
the term go beyond the academic nature of their, erm,partnership.Hey, the group says so, not me).

Now history, we know, is always constructed in an authorial
voice, or the perspective of the “winner”, as many have labelled it. Therefore,
claims Derek O’brien, Trinamool MP (and the once host of the best quiz show on
TV; see, Mamata has intellectuals in her company; how can shepossiblybe anti-intellectual?) the
decision to remove references to Marx (which is, about two paragraphs spread
across three chapters, and roughly worth 10 marks in the state board exams) was
an attempt to “balance history”. And that is indeed an amiable move,
considering they now wish to burden children with the tales of Mahatma and
Mandela (and Steve Jobs, too, if rumours on Twitter are to be believed).
However, considering the whole issue, why Marx should be at the receiving end
of this ‘balancing act’, still perplexes most people, as clearly the Soviets
lost the Cold War, and China has embraced capitalism (so, if anything, Marx—or
more so: the losing sidealwayshad him on their side. Even the
Left-front was defeated). Such unprecedented political victory, that too by a
woman (who doesnothave a wardrobe full of pinksalwar-kameezes and expensivekanjivarams) has led a class of
sceptical commentators (who have made the hash-tag: #arrestmenow as a trending
topic in India) to question both, Didi’s motives and methods, the former they
allege is paranoia, and the latter, fascism.

These sceptics could not be any more further from the
truth. And the truth is: Mamataisone of the last remaining
practitioners of Marx’s teachings. Yes, you heardthatright. Recall the Singur fiasco: she
ousted TATA Motors, a capitalistic enterprise, benefitting from the arbitrary
and exploitative policies of a neo-liberal economy, and gave away the land to
poor farmers. Of course, the fact that 9,000 people were deprived of a
guaranteed job is but a minor divot in the credibility of her intentions. But
as I always say, it’s the thought—or in this case, the ideological
engagement—that matters. And this was actually a critique of the Left’s
corruption of core Marxian values.Shameon them!

Now that she got a professor arrested for circulating
cartoons of her online, she’s in the public cross-hair. Again (sigh).
What she actually meant to do was, to chastise the man (erm, well, by beating
him up, and arresting him; nobody’sperfect,
you know) fornotdrawing a realcartoon and using Photoshop
instead. She was also miffed at thewrongreference he made to Satyajit Ray’s
story. After all, she has great respect of Bengal’s artistic and intellectual
tradition. Why, she’s contemplating playing Rabindra-sangeetat traffic junctions even! What
did the Left do for the intellectual and artistic tradition of Bengal?Nothing! (Note: this category
does not include Jyoti Basu). This leaves us with a question, a hypothetical
one, of course: would her…passion for Marx be any different had he been born in
Bengal, and not Germany? Like I said, one can only speculate on this matter.

And tomorrow, if she decides to ban left-lane driving, it’s
only because the new rule may perhapsimprovelane-driving in Calcutta
altogether; a long-shot, but a valid hope nevertheless. Even her decision to
paint Calcutta in Trinamool colours, is based on the scientific notion that
these colours happen to have a pleasing effect on the eyes. Nothing ideological
in there, now, right?

[This is a work of satire. And I do
hope the Trinamool doesn’t understand what the word means and decides to hire
me in their propaganda wing. Please don’t arrest me; I merely used the hash-tag
to conform to Twitter trends, that’s all! Any resemblance/reference to people
living or dead was, of course, intended—for the sake of credibility. And yes,
you may think it’s unnecessary to write this little ‘note’, but you’d be
surprised at the number of idiots who take satire seriously]