Student Discovers How to Fix All of Nation’s Problems After One Semester of Microeconomics

Freshman Ben Alkire revealed this week that after taking just one introductory level economics course last semester, he now knows exactly what it will take to fix the economy. “I don’t know what all these politicians keep arguing about.” Ben says, “Everything just boils down to simple supply and demand.”

Before taking Introduction to Microeconomics, Ben was never really interested in politics. “When I was in high school I didn’t watch the news or know the difference between republicans and democrats. But now, I’m a new person. I watch The Daily Show every night and even understand some of the jokes.”

When asked if it is possible to know everything about the economy in just one semester, Ben says “Listen, I know what the phrase ‘opportunity cost’ means so, yeah, I’m pretty sure I know what I’m talking about.”

Ben doesn’t identify with either political party. In fact, he thinks they are both pretty stupid. “Neither party knows anything of how the real world works. So that’s why I became a libertarian, because I believe poor people did that to themselves but I still want to smoke weed.”

Ben was so inspired by his own knowledge of politics and the economy that he decided to add a Political Science minor. As Ben says, “If there’s one place in this country where knowledgeable and civilized discussion happens, it’s in undergraduate Political Science classes.”

“Everything is so simple, I don’t know why politicians make everything so difficult.” When asked if maybe the cause of the nation’s problems weren’t high school level economic theories but instead decades of deeply entrenched social problems that are intrinsically tied to the foundation of the country, Ben responded “No, it’s just supply and demand.”