Friday, September 21, 2012

This will be the very first giveaway this blog has ever hosted.
Because I never think of you, my readers. I turn down doing reviews for things like e-cigarettes and cookbooks and wine openers, and I know guys, that's just selfish.
It's like I somehow believe not selling out to promotions gives me more artistic integrity, which is crap, because my last post was puppies arranged in a message that included the words menstrual and shit.
The ironic part of this giveaway is that most of the clothes on this site that I covet I can't buy because they don't come in my size. Also because I have no money.
But look at me not being selfish! I want YOU to be able to buy them. I am thinking OF YOU.
(I am thinking of me. I look better when my friends are dressed better, and by better I mean, the way I would dress if I were you. Arbiter of Taste)

Anyway, here's the deal. Shabby Apple, purveyor of womens clothing that looks thrifted but is brand new and therefore won't have pit stains, is letting me give away a 75 dollar gift card.

Okay, here's what you do. You can have a maximum of 4 entries in this contest, and it's only open to people with US shipping addresses, so that one lady in France and that guy from Oxford, sorry.
The first entry, and the one you HAVE to do, is to go to the Shabby Apple website, and then leave a comment on this blog post telling me what your favorite thing on there is.
I will be judging you, so choose well.

For additional entries you can
- like Shabby Apple on Facebook
- send a tweet out about this giveaway with the hashtag #gimmeadressBridget
- link to this post on your own blog.

I will be checking, but also I will be eating cupcakes and going to the beach, so probably you should put that in your comment, that you're doing any of those things (tweeting, blogging, liking), to make sure you get credit.

I'll pick a winner and announce it next Friday.

Okay, now that we're done with the boring rules part, let me show you the clothes I would buy. Hey listen, it can't be all weird sex stuff and melodramatic fiction all the time, guys.

True story: if I was in Cleveland right now, I would be on the Prince's boat like at least three days a week. This is actually the thing I most miss about Cleveland right now. Sorry, not my family or my friends or even a favorite place, nope. I miss the lake, and specifically I miss a thing an opportunity I never had when I was actually there, being able to go to Edgewater and go sailing whenever. See, you think sailor dresses are all cutesy and sweet, but there's real pain there.

Yes, I know this is a tshirt dress. But it is a tshirt dress in Rome, in my favorite color, and I would rock the shit out of this with some red lipstick. I don't know, I just really WANT this. I think I just want to BE this. Maybe I just want to be in Rome. I can tell you what though, I would NEVER wear those shoes when walking over cobblestones.

This is the dress that Jo would wear when helping Nancy and Bess solve mysteries.

I don't know why they have this girl in this pose exactly. Like, I get that it's supposed to be like she's the statue in a fountain, but she sort of looks like a funny bird. I love that color though. This dress would look amazing if you had Bridgette Bardot hair. There used to be this convenience store on Lorain that every time I went in there, the old Lebanese guy that worked there would ID me for cigarettes and then say "Ohhhh, Bridgette Bardot!" People make that reference way more times than you think they would, given that I look absolutely nothing like Bridgette Bardot.

I couldn't get a better photo of this one, because it is "coming soon" in the Highclere collection. Honestly, I would really just buy this entire collection if I could and never wear anything else again, it's exactly my perfect clothing. But this dress in particular, isn't it pretty much just the best thing that's ever existed? IT HAS A HOOD. I don't know if it has pockets, cause there's no description available yet, but if it had a hood and pockets and with those sleeves and the waist tie? That's pretty much every single thing I could like in a dress ever. I want this in 17 different colors, and I'll just wear it every day, and it will be like my weird post modern monk/cult member costume. It will become my motif.

The 'Truman,' because it is just like your marvelous hooded choice but with a cowl instead of a hood. Because my hair, tragically, does not play nice with hoods (and, as I'm being informed by a vaguely interested party sitting to my left, it is apparently a goddamn crime to cover up my hair). Or maybe it is basically the same dress and the neck can be either a hood or a cowl? In that case we should be in the same cult.

I'd get that red one at the top or the Elizabeth Island, which is a long grey wrap-y type thing, even though I don't know that I have enough tall-ness to qualify to wear a maxi dress, I would probably just end up looking like a half girl/ half melting elephant thing. Also, is the Shabby Apple run by Mormons? Because all the Mormon house lady blogs always have their giveaways, and there's just something kindof inherently wholesome about their clothes. Like they have a flirty dresses category but not a sexy dresses category.

Yeah, it totally is. I find this fact hilarious because of all my swearing and what not, but I love these clothes. This is what Mad Men has done to us, we all want to dress like nice decent Church ladies.

Why did you have to introduce me to this site? I like more than half the dresses a lot, and could see myself in at least 1/3 really easily. If I wore dresses to work, and had money to buy them all that is... I think my favorite (this second anyway) is the Bernini. Blue Eyes is a close second.

I am a big Shabby Apple fan, even though I've only ever drooled over things and never bought any from them. But still, drool counts for a lot. The Animalia is my favorite thing there right now -- that green is the perfect green. But the sailor dress you like is my favorite that will also fit over my enormous chest, so that would be the winner. I also kind of like the black & white gingham/plaid-y one (I didn't look closely enough at the name). I never win anything, but still.

This is my favorite because she looks like Dorothy. Maybe if I wear this dress and click some red heels three times I can go home to Cleveland. Plus the dress has polka dots and a peter pan collar which automatically make it adorable.

I dig the bad bitch tutu, i.e. Shabby Apple's Music Hall skirt: http://www.shabbyapple.com/p-1814-music-hall-skirt.aspx. Since I began working in a shop for children, I've started to covet tutus in a mischevious/whimsical/non-regressive way. I'll wear it when I want to leave hand-drawn portraits of imaginary friends on parked cars. I just need some day-glo envelopes to make them look like parking tickets.

"What I like best is a book that's at least funny once in a while...What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though." - J. D. Salinger