Young and beautiful Mrs. Helen Ryan is shopping for groceries, when a sordid episode from her past slams into her. As college juniors seven years previous, she and three friends took their spring break in Las Vegas, working two weeks as high paid call girls. Her working name had been April Showers. Now, some unknown person is calling her April and Helen’s plush life will never be the same.

Picking up where April Showers leaves off, Randy weaves his spell of dominance and protection over beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed Angel Love as he had over equally beautiful April. Reintroducing her to the alluring, exciting, glamorous life of a high priced call girl, she had all but given up, she is anxious to please Randy and herself. Therefore, she resumes the life she, April and two other friends left behind seven years earlier, when as college juniors, the four had spent a debauched two week spring vacation as in Las Vegas .
Last Thing I Do!
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Sally and her brother Hermie are strange people. Every weekend they venture forth from Piggott Arkansas to small towns in one of the three adjacent states. When they arrive, they rent a motel room from which they fan out to the local saloons. The purpose? So Sally a gorgeous blonde haired blue eyed Barbie Doll type can pick up men to fuck for money—and that ain’t the strange part.

Have Boyd and Walter been searching for dears instead of deer on their so-called hunting expeditions. With visits to places like Las Vegas, running up huge bills for ‘special services’ while they were supposedly hunting and fishing, Robin and Carly sure think so. Divorce? Maybe, no Probably, but first Robin and Carly take a Caribbean hunting trip of their own.

If you were told that eating a fortune cookie could bring you lust, sex, love, and the man of your dreams, would you go for it? Find out what four professional women decide in this hilarious erotic romance. (25% special for a short time)

Wildly attracted to each other, can a beautiful, shy sister and a devilishly handsome atheist fall in love and find happiness despite their differences?

It was love at first sight. That’s what the lovely, shy Sister in Waiting Laurel, and the devilishly, handsome Julian Peters both agree. But is their overpowering love and attraction enough to allow this unlikely couple to overcome the obvious societal obstacles plus the differences between their own core beliefs to make a life together?
Sister Laurel & the Atheist is a cute, humorous and oh, so, romantic story.

Dee Dawning Erotic romance for the naughty streak in all of us
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Secret Things, French name – Choses Secretes, is the kind of movie one either loves or hates. I happened to be a lover. Even the fact that the movie was French with English sub titles did not dampen my enjoyment.

THE PLOT
Roommates Nathalie (Coralie Revel) and Sandrine (Sabrina Seyvecou) compose a strategy to dispense sex strategically to manipulate men into submission for financial gain and advancement. They commence their plan at a large prestigious Paris brokerage house. After initial successes and rapid advancement, they meet their match in the company CEO, Christophe (Fabrice Deville) the handsome amoral son of the company’s founder.

THE STORY
A shapely woman reclines on a day bed. She is restless and she is NAKED. A spotlight seems to highlight her gyrations and machinations. She sits up and slips into high-heeled sandals. She leans back and puffs out her chest. She places one hand upon her breast and kneads her nipple. The hand moves down across her midriff to her sex and she massages it. Suddenly she stands up and deliberately struts across the hardwood floor. After a dozen or so purposeful steps, facing the camera, she lowers herself to her knees and bends back once again. The spotlight is still on her as she masturbates and as she masturbates, the camera pans right. After panning about ninety degrees, you start to see people sitting at tables and the more it pans, you realize you are in a nightclub and the woman is an exotic performer. The woman is Nathalie.

Nathalie and Sandrine a recently hired bartender were fired that night because Nathalie would not allow the owner to force Sandrine to sleep with a customer. Tossed out on the street with nowhere to go, Sandrine accepted Nathalie’s offer to spend the night. At her apartment, Nathalie urges Sandrine to loosen up after she admitted to admiring Nathalie’s nerve and lack of inhibitions.

Nathalie, with her dry humor and strong will, made Sandrine laugh and eventually coerced her to do in front of her what Nathalie had done in front of an audience. With that, the bond was sealed and plans were laid, based on Nathalie’s distorted view of love and sex, to manipulate all men and make a place in society for themselves. After the women’s initial successes and having compromised their boss Delacroix, (Roger Mirmont), their plan begins to devolve into a whirlpool of ruthlessness, unrequited love, group sex, lesbian sex, three-way sex, and masturbation, in which the only way out appears to be suicide or murder.

CONCLUSION

The highly charged erotic opening scene set the theme for the movie so well, that I was mesmerized for the rest of the movie. True nothing that came after, with the possible exception of an “Eyes Wide Shut” style orgy scene late in the movie, was quite as electric but I still enjoyed the movie immensely. You see Secret Things had a story. It had a plot. A good story, a good plot, and the overall acting was very good. Secret Things is the closest I have viewed to a commercially viable, mainstream, erotic movie.

The movie Secret Things is appropriately named. The storyline is structured on secrets, deception and the duplicitous side of human nature. It is a reflection of a murky, lascivious side of life, which rarely is truly, captured on film. In fact the movie seemed to touch on one form or another, at one point or another, on all of ‘The Seven Deadly Sins’ – pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth, obviously a perfect sinister erotic movie.

This movie is only for the open minded. Expect nudity aplenty along with some explicit sex, bestiality, even simulated snuff film footage.

I have probably watched, under duress I might add, about a dozen Emmanuelle/Emanuelle movies, out the approximately two dozen or so available movies, (talk about sequels) so for those of you not familiar, a little background is in order. After seeing so many of these movies, I have come to the conclusion that name Emmanuelle means beautiful nymph in French. It is obvious because, in each of these movies, the only common denominator is a gorgeous woman of the world, who sleeps around, a lot.

Ok, I was kidding. The movies have a couple other common denominators, lousy plots and plenty T & A, so it is obvious that these movies were made for one reason and one reason only (other than to make money), to turn people, including me, on, so if you’re looking for brainfood you have mistakenly pushed the eye candy button.

Now, I know you are all dying to know why I said Emmanuelle/Emanuelle. Can you guess? I’ll give you a hint. Franco/Italio. Get it? What have I got to do? Draw you a picture. The first Emmanuelle movies were made in France and it took two years to get over the Alps to Italy and when it did they said ‘mama mia buenvideo’ or something like, that and started making Emanuelle movies, which means in Italian – beautiful fallen angel. As you have now, probably figured out, Emanuelle in America is of the Italio, fallen angel persuasion.

Emanuelle in America

As I said, I have probably viewed a dozen or so of these movies but Emanuelle in America was truly a surprise for me. There were parts in this film that made even me, blush. I didn’t say I closed my eyes or turned my head. I blushed. In fact, I grabbed the remote and went over the parts that made me blush so I could blush a few more times.

####WARNING####

If you are the kind of person who doesn’t like to read about SEX and are easily embarassed or offended and wish you hadn‘t started reading this crazy review about this crazy movie, I understand, I’m the same way, sort of, so go with my blessing. Just give me a Most Helpful before you do and I’ll say a prayer for you and review a Disney movie in the future.

Back to the diehards. Emanuelle in America is one kinky, MF (morbid flick) which is not surprising since it was directed by Joe D’Amato, who is notorious for sex and gore.

PLOT

In this movie, Emanuelle (Laura Gemser), is a “fashion photographer” (of nude women), photo journalist, investigative reporter (both undercover and above cover) and any other thing you can think of. After a preliminary scene where Emanuelle goes down on some guy with a gun that wants to kill her, she goes off to join some millionaire’s zodiac conceived concubine (Emanuelle‘s a Virgo). After bedding his right hand man, an interlude with two other naked girls in the pool and a lesbian scene in a sauna we are treated to a scene where a naked lady masturbates a horse. No really, I’m not kidding. While this is going on, Emanuelle is ostensibly taking voyeuristic photos with a miniature camera, embedded in a bracelet.

After she makes her getaway from the millionaires California compound, Emanuelle hooks up with a Duke? From Venice (Italy) who invites her the annual wingding he and his wife throw. After a manage a trios with the Duke and Duchess we have the shindig, which turns into a big orgy and of course our heroine is walking around the naked bodies, again taking pictures with the little camera, this time mounted in a tasteless costume jewelry necklace with an extra long chain, which is so obvious she may as well blurt out, “Hey, You mind if I take some fu*king pictures”. Here we get our first glimpse of hardcore as a woman performs fellatio.

Next our liberated mostly undercover trollop is off to a Caribbean island she heard about at the orgy, where the services of well endowed men (studs) are available (for sale) to wealthy women. The movie continues with her viewing and photographing more graphic sex, with her poorly hidden camera and even an investigation into the source of some snuff film footage, of which I will not go into.

What’s good

~ As usual Laura Gemser was lovely, though when she was fully dressed, her clothes seemed overly large on her. She must be tiny.

~ I must admit that I was intrigued rather than turned, off by the hardcore scenes. I was caught totally off guard, having never seen them in previous Emmanuelle/Emanuelle movies.

~ There was lots of nudity but except for Emanuelle with her Barbie Doll figure and the anatomically pleasing Duchess, few were exceptionally attractive.

What‘s not

~ Although Miss Gemser is shown entering into numerous intimate scenes, they all cut away before anything beside preliminaries are shown, (exception, the lesbian scenes).

~ For a professional undercover investigative photographer, Emanuelle was certainly obvious with her supposedly surreptitious photography, nor was her camera well hidden.

~ I may be wrong but some of the explicit sexual scenes in the movie looked, to me, like they were borrowed from other films. Oh well, who cares?

~ The story was weak and the ending was terrible but I’d watch it again!

~ In the scene where the kid had a gun to Emanuelle’s head, she didn’t appear to be the least bit nervous, let alone scared. Well, it was a bit laughable.

~ In fact, I guess you would have to say that overall the acting was weak but then who watches these movies for the acting.

~ Some of the cinematography and editing seemed weak as well. That means it looked like your home movies. (The quality not the subject matter {I hope})

CONCLUSION

When it comes to this version of Emanuelle, all you have to remember is Laura Gemser. For one hundred minutes we see Laura Gemser traipsing around the world mostly in profile. Now Gemser is a Eurasian beauty, no doubt, but not in profile. She, like another beauty, Heather Locklear do not photograph that well in profile. They kind of look like somebody stole the tip of their nose.

I must admit to some ambivalence regarding this film. On the one hand the film was fascinating, wondering what new kinky perversion D’Amato was going to throw at you next, as he pushed the envelope of decency, by tackling subjects that were taboo in polite society. Overall I enjoyed the film despite numerous flaws, so I’m not sure how I should rate it. I guess I’ll play it safe and rate it in the middle, 3 stars.

PS. This film is not recommended for children under the age of thirty-five!

Author’s Note

I usually try to provide a list of the cast but other than Laura Gemser, I was unable to find any credits for the other participants. Perhaps the supporting cast thought their performances were so bad, they wished remain anonymous.

I’m sure that many if not most of you are not familiar with the lyrics I used from am old 1950’s Everly Brothers song for my title, but it sure came to my mind when I read this article on wet dreams. I find the article interesting so I’m going to share it with my readers.

Question: have you ever experienced an orgasm from a dream?

My answer: No. Unfortunately not in years, but I have in the past. Now days some kind of sub-conscious censor has implanted himself in my psyche. I can start a sexy dream but just before I get to the really good part a curtain falls as if someone said you’re not allowed to go there. At this point I wake up frustrated and disappointed.

The following is a an article from the AOL Love and Dating pages.

****
The Latest in Love & Dating News:
Fun Facts About Sex Dreams

Posted: 2007-08-23 14:02:57

Chances are, you had a sex dream this week. Fully eight percent of
our dreams involve sexual situations, according to a new study from
psychologists at the University of Montreal in Canada.

Interestingly, women have just as many sex dreams as men, with one
important difference: Men are far more likely to have fantasies about
sex with imaginary people, while women dream about current or past
sexual partners, as well as celebrities, reports HealthDay News.

“Men used to report many more sex dreams, twice as many as women, and
we don’t find that difference anymore,” study author Antonio Zadra,
an associate professor of psychology at the University of Montreal,
explained to HealthDay News. “Either women are having them more, or
they’re more likely to report them. Either way, it’s interesting. ”

Even though sex dreams are very common, psychologists haven’t paid
much attention to them. For this study, the team asked 109 women and
64 men ages 20 to 89, all of whom responded to an ad about the
research project, to keep a diary of their dreams for as long as one
month. The total number of dreams exceeded 3,500.

What do we dream about?

— The most common sex dream involved sexual intercourse, followed by
flirting, kissing, fantasies and masturbation.

— Four percent of sex dreams among men and women resulted in an
orgasm.

— Nine percent of sex dreams among women and five percent among men
involved fantasies about celebrities.

— Men were far more likely to dream about having sex with more than
one person.

— Four percent of women’s dreams featured a partner having an
orgasm. None of the men reported this dream.

Zadra explained that if you dream about something, it probably
occupies your waking thoughts as well. “If the sex dreams tend to
involve unknown or fantasy characters, it is probably a reflection of
your waking state, that your desires and fantasies are with
strangers,” he told HealthDay News.

The study findings were reported at the annual meeting of the
Associated Professional Sleep Societies in Minneapolis, Minn.

Eighty percent of us have a wet dream once a week. Do you? If you’re one of the lucky ones, is it always the same or is it different each time? Would you like to tell us about it?

WARNING: This is an informative and irreverent review about an explicit unrated movie. If you are easily offended, please don’t read it. If you do, please don’t complain about it.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the initial edition of A Movie Review 4 U. Today we will be reviewing the British movie billed as an explicit mainstream movie, 9 Songs, written, produced and directed by Michael Winterbottom”

“With us, this fine Saturday morning, our regular panel members, the lovely, Bo Derek, who as movie stars go, has probably been filmed in the nude more than any other Hollywood actress. Hello Bo, I see we’re wearing clothes today.”

“And the gentleman to her left is of course, Mr. Macho, Bruce Willis, who also has an erotic scene or two to his credit. Bruce.”

“Good to be here, Jerry.”

“Bruce. What are you doing?”

“I’m just seeing if Bo will show me her tattoo. I’m a big fan of tattoos, especially private ones.”

“What are you doing Bo?”

“Bruce wants to see my tattoo. I’ve got a piercing too, but I can’t show you that, Brucie.”

“Really? Can you please show me? After the show, of course.”

“I don’t think so Jerry”

“Shucks! Last but not least are our two guest panel members, head of the Moral Majority, Rev. Jerry Falwell and Penthouse Magazine Publisher, Bob Guccione. Gentlemen, thanks for being with us this Saturday morning.”

“Good to be here, said Rev. Falwell.”

“Same here Jerry, but I’d like to say one thing to Ms Derek. I could provide a format for you to show the world your body art,” offered Mr. Guccione.

“I, of course, am you host, moderator and referee all rolled into one, Jerry Springer.”

“Our show will follow the system of our sister show, A Book Review 4 U. We’ll start with a comment from our resident Epinionator, Mr. D and then we’ll open things up for discussion by our panel.

“We now have Mr. D on the phone to get his analysis. Good morning Mr. D. I hope it‘s not too early for you back in Arizona, after all it is six o’clock there isn‘t it?”

“Not an issue. I do most of my writing early in the morning.”

“I’m sorry. If I may get right to the point, what did you think of this movie, 9 Songs.

“I’ve read a few reviews on 9 songs and one thing they all seem to agree upon is that the movie has no story. I can’t disagree with them. There isn’t much of a story, but if you pay attention you do arrive at some interesting conclusions.”

“The plot of the movie can be boiled down to this, boy and girl meet at a, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, rock concert and go to his apt and f*ck. Another concert and another roll in the hay. With some small exceptions this is the modus operandi for nine concerts.”

“Matt is a scientist, a glaciologist and Lisa is a visiting American college student. Matt tried to keep up with Lisa, but I got the impression that he was overmatched, with Lisa, whom I thought was an excitement junkie. She was also more into experimentation. At one point, Matt went home by himself as she stayed with a woman.”

“I couldn’t figure out why the sex scenes seemed so well done – almost real. Then, as the movie progressed it became obvious. The bathtub scene with Matt and Lisa, the only actors in the movie, gave me the first clue. With Matt (Kieran O’Brien) leaning back on one side of the tub and Lisa (Margo Stilley) on the other, she uses her feet to massage his erect penis in full view of the viewers. That was about halfway through the movie and was only the beginning. Each sex scene thereafter, became increasing more explicit.”

“After about three months of steady rock concerts and sex, Lisa told Matt that she will soon be going back to America. Matt was crushed, so that afternoon Lisa cheered him up by … how can I say this? Blowing him! The viewer gets to see the whole shebang, just like a porn movie. She sucks on him for about thirty seconds and then the camera cuts away to a long view of Matt, ejaculating upon his abdomen.”

“On the day she is scheduled to leave, the spectator is presented a vision of the couple having intercourse including clear view of phallic penetration.”

“Speaking of the rock concerts, rock music fans, especially fans of British bands may be interested in the bands of the various concerts. I managed to dig seven of them out – they are:”

“What one might get out of this movie depends upon what one’s expectations are. No, it doesn’t have much of a story, but I thought the overall product was entertaining and very watchable. The movie was realistic in everyway (not just the sex) and earthy. The acting by the two actors was really something to behold and so was the cinematography.”

“It should be pointed out that the writer, producer, director of 9 Songs, felt there was a double standard regarding reading material vs film. He thought, since many erotic and even mainstream books are extremely graphic, why can’t mainstream movies also depict graphic sex. In comparison to the present day trend of filthy degrading pornographic films, 9 songs must seem extremely tame. Still, it is a big leap forward in sexuality from the average boring, poorly done soft-core movie. Therefore, I’m going against the grain, Jerry, and giving the movie 5 stars.”

“Thank you for your insight Mr. Daumco. Now it’s time to get our panels opinion.”

“Let’s start with you Bruce, but before you start, I want you to consider a couple questions? Do you think it is proper to ask an actor to have sex on the screen and as an actor, would you have considered, such a part?”

“Bruce.”

“That’s a hell of a question, Jerry. I didn’t think you were that thoughtful. Let me talk about the film then I’ll go back to your question.”

“I thought, the film pioneered new ground. I don’t know if we’ll see more movies like that in the future but it certainly set the groundwork for them. I give the movie 4 stars.”

“As for your question. I’m sure, when you are first getting started you may be required to do parts that you could reject once you are established.”

“Fine, but what about you and is it appropriate?”

“I didn’t mention it but I interposed myself into your hypothetical equation. As for appropriate? If it’s in the script, it’s appropriate.”

“Very good. Bo. Bo! What are you doing?”

“I’m showing Reverend Falwell my body art.”

“I thought you said you couldn’t show anyone your piercing?”

“The Reverend said it’s okay to show him because he’s a holy man. Right Reverend?”

“Well, oomph. I didn’t quite say it that way. I said people think I’m a dweeb but their wrong. I’m wholly a man.”

“Okay, Sweetheart hurry up and put your clothes back on, before we get fined.”

“That’s alright Jerry, If you get fined. Penthouse will be glad to pay it. Ms Derek, I still want to talk about appearing in my mag –”

“That’s all right. I need to get Bo’s opinion of 9 songs. Bo did you hear my question to Bruce.”

“I think so.”

“And”

“Well, I liked the movie. It’s realistic. F*cking is what people do. I’d like to see more movies like that and I wouldn’t mind appearing in one myself. It would be my crowning achievement. I give the movie 5 stars.”

“Alright, Moving on. Reverend?”

“As you should know. There is no place in our society for dreck like this misbegotten movie and I certainly wouldn’t perform in a movie like that! 1 star.”

“I don’t think Jerry was asking you if you would screw on film reverend. Fat people don’t film too well naked.”

“I’ll thank you to keep your opinions to yourself, Mr. Smut peddler.”

“That’s okay Mr. Shyster. I’ll bet if I got Bo here to show her body art in Penthouse, you’d be the first in line for a co –”

“Bob, please. We may disagree but let’s do it with civility. Now what did you think of 9 Songs?”

“I loved it. It brought back memories of my randy movie Caligula.”

“Randy is right. That was pure pornograp –”

“Aw, so you’ve seen it. What other sex movies have you seen Reverend? How big a collection do you have. Huh?”

“Gentlemen please. We’re almost out of time. What is your rating, Bob?”

“5 stars”

“Thank you, Bob. That averages out to 4 stars.”

“So there you have it, 9 songs by Michael Winterbottom. Buy it!”

“That’s it for now. Join us next week when our guest reviewers will be Paris Hilton and General Tommie Franks.”

“Yes, Bob?”

“I just wanted to mention to Ms Derek that I may have the vehicle to her crowning achievement, since I would make a sequel to Caligula if she would star in it.”

“Now that’s an interesting proposition.”

“I’ll bet you get all kinds of propositions. Talk about it after the show. What are you doing?”

“Showing Bob my body art.”

“Until next week this is Jerry Springer slugging … I mean signing off. Have a great day!”

Author’s note: As you probably suspected this reviiew was written before the unfortunate and untimely death of the Reverend Falwell. No offense was intended and I hope none was taken.