Turd of the Week (TotW) was a soccer blog I edited, and mostly wrote, from 1999-2002. It was one of the first sports blogs on the internet, years before the word “blog” was even coined. TotW was on Sepp Blatter’s case long before anyone else: He not only was the second ever Turd, but voted the biggest Turd in TotW’s first 100 issues.

TotW Oath

Benefits of Membership: Actually there isn’t a membership, not even a secret decoder ring or “foreign allocation”, but if you take the oath you too may write for Turd of the Week. All your submission has to do is be funny and/or agree with the editor’s own personal views. What do you get out of it, a book deal like Paul Gardner? No, just the self-satisfaction of knowing you’ve skewered some wanker who desperately needs impalement.

Turd of the Week Oath: “I, <name>, TotW <editor/loyal reader/other TotW staff position>, do hereby swear upon my soul, my mother’s grave, a sweaty old boot the dog chewed up, and most importantly my team scarf, to spare no effort, to shirk no sacrifice, in pursuing to ends of the Earth the cretins, jerks, morons, bozos, and buffoons who persist in ruining the Beautiful Game. I will not rest until every knob who works for MLS has been found a TotW dishonoree.”

Take the TotW Oath by clipping the above, filling in the blanks, and emailing it to Preston McMurry. Your name will be included below.