A butterfly from the Black Country has angrily denied being the cause of Hurricane Gonzalo, the tail end of which battered much of the UK this week. This all came after meteorologists, using cutting edge computer modelling, traced the origins of the hurricane back to the single flap of a butterfly’s wings three weeks last Tuesday in a field outside Walsall.

The BBC announced on the news today that it will be launching a new 24 hour news channel devoted entirely to itself. The channel will be called BBC BBC News and the strapline for the new project, due to launch in January 2015, is ‘the news where we are’, an adaptation of the link used to introduce existing regional news programmes.

Beloved pastry matriarch and national baking supremo Mary Berry is gearing up to swap her apron and eggs for a gas mask and concentrated methylamine this winter, after the BBC commissioned a gritty new primetime cookery spinoff competition to be titled ‘Baking Bad’.