I made a promise earlier this month (Trigger possibly)

I said that if things don't lookup by the end of September, that i would take my life. Well, it's the last day of the month and I feel like my life is no better, and I don't want to live because there is so much pain, but I'm afraid to take my life. I know that means I'm a coward for not having the courage to do so, but I'm stuck fearing what happens once you do take your life, and living a life that has no meaning or purpose. The past two years have been so painful and I am afraid the scars will never heal. i'm sorry, for saying all of this, but i'm just stuck and hurt.

You are not a coward for not doing it, you are that much stronger for resisting the urge. Whatever your personal beliefs about what happens after you die, it's not worth it. I pray to see you post tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. No matter how bleak things may seem, there is always something to hold onto, even if that something is the search for something. Please keep searching, this is one promise I really hope you break.

Thanks to both of you for understanding. I'm trying to be a little optimistic about Friday. I go on craigslist most of the day looking for a job even if it's just a simple job like helping some move or cleanup. It helps a little I guess. Hopefully, i can find something to have a little money for the weekend.

You are NOT a coward for not taking your life. It may feel that way, because you think doing something decisive would be preferable to staying in limbo, but as others have mentioned, it's not just that. There's a part of you that values your own life, and that still believes you can find meaning and purpose in it, if you keep giving it a chance. I hope you'll continue to believe in that chance, and keep making choices like you are now (searching Craigslist) that could help you start down a more positive path.

yeah thanks for that zmonkey. I forgot to mention this before but this kid in the area I live in, a high schooler, shot himself. I don't know exactly what was going on in his life, and as hypocritical as this will sound, I wish I could have reached out to him in some way. there weren't that many people I felt that I could turn to in high school, and from what little I did hear about what led to it was he just felt too much pressure and stress in his life.

yeah thanks for that zmonkey. I forgot to mention this before but this kid in the area I live in, a high schooler, shot himself. I don't know exactly what was going on in his life, and as hypocritical as this will sound, I wish I could have reached out to him in some way. there weren't that many people I felt that I could turn to in high school, and from what little I did hear about what led to it was he just felt too much pressure and stress in his life.

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How sweet of you to say that you wished that you could of reached out to him. That right there proves that you have a purpose to be here in this world and make a difference. You are a good, caring person. We need more people like you.

You are not a coward, and someone near where I live killed themselves too. I didn't know him, so There was nothing I could do, but I wish I had known him. Like Autumn01 said, you can find meaning in your life by trying to help people with the same problems you do. I know I want to do that someday. I don't want anyone to suffer like I have. It's just horrible.