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Sunday, October 05, 2014

Things Men Do That Piss Women Off

If you live/have ever lived with a man, you will have most likely experienced at least one of these. After almost 8 years of living with mine, I can happily say he's getting a little bit better when it comes to some of these...which I'm so grateful for (there is a god!). This is just some light-hearted fun, so please don't take any of it to heart.

Okay, maybe some women do these things too, but for me, it's just my man.

1. Leaving the toilet seat up! It takes, what, a nanosecond to put the seat down? Do it, you'll be surprised at how easy it is.

2. On the subject of bathrooms, I have to throw in the fact that leaving the EMPTY toilet roll tube on the floor RIGHT BESIDE THE BIN just isn't acceptable. Seriously, it's like two inches away, stretch that little bit more, you can do it!

3. Right, so you've just made cornflakes/toast/whatever. I love the trail you leave behind you to make sure I know you've fed yourself. Well done! Random cornflakes, crumbs, butter (or worse, sticky honey or jam!), sugar and drops of milk left on the lovely clean counter are just what I love to see when I walk into my clean kitchen.

4. Hogging the TV remote. I think all men do this, but mine should win an award for his hogging skills. When I mention the fact that we appear to be watching the 500th football match of the week and ask if there's anything good on, I'm met with the lovely "well what do YOU want to watch?" question. No, I don't want the remote control, that is beside the point. I want us to watch something GOOD, not football. NOTE: As I'm typing this, our satellite signal is gone so himself is having to resort to streaming football matches on the laptop. Talk about moody. Sorry for your loss, babe.

5. On the topic of television, when you finally get to watch a show you like, you have a beautiful running commentary from your man. Oh please, keep going. Please tell me how much you dislike Denny from Eastenders and how almost every X-Factor contestant is annoying and can't sing for shit. Just kidding, shut up and let me watch my show in peace.

6. Stepping out of dirty clothes and leaving them in the middle of the floor. We have a laundry basket upstairs and a washing machine downstairs. Need I say more?

7. Putting the milk carton back in the fridge with a DROP of milk. Then I go to make cereal, see the milk carton in the fridge and think 'yay, we have milk'. Only when I pour the cereal into my bowl, I realise we only have a drop of milk and then I sit and wonder why bad things happen to good people.

8. When the PS3 comes becomes bae. Like hello, I'm your fiancée, remember me? We got together 8 years ago, nice to see you again.

9. You know I've emptied the dishwasher. Hell, you probably even watched me. Why bring in your dirty dishes and put them up on the counter/in the sink? I mean seriously. The empty dishwasher is begging for your dirty dishes. Give it what it wants, please, and give me a break.

10. Telling me to calm down when I'm fine makes me NOT fine. It just PUTS me in a bad mood.

11. Getting ready to go out

When he puts on aftershave -

Me: mmmm, you smell divine.

When I put on perfume -

Him: omg babe what the fuck is that, how much did you spray, I'm choking.

12. Hogging the duvet. I mean, we probably all do this, but when you wake up at 4am freezing your boobs off, the last thing you want to do is reach for the duvet to find your man has pretty much turned himself into a burrito.

13. Rearranging their nuts in front of you...please don't make me vomit.

14. Putting something away, then suddenly, you're the last person who touched it because they can't find it. Let me just have a better look at where you say you left it. OH LOOK, there it is. Right where you left it.

As I said, this is all just some light-hearted fun and has actually made me feel a bit better. I'm sure there are things I do that annoy the crap out of my fiancé, and if he wants to blog about it, by all means, go ahead ;)