I absolutely hate going out, and shit like this is why. It sucks, because I really love dancing to loud music, but then I have to put up with some dude coming to chat up my friend and deploying his wingman to occupy me.

In theory, I understand this is part of being a good friend - helping your fellow or ladyfellow get laid. But as someone who almost never gets approached or hit on in bars or clubs - except for creepy guys who try to suck my face off within minutes of interacting, or the lovely gentleman who thought it would be nice to choke me while we were dancing - the schtick just gets old. Every time some overly chatty dude sidles up to me and I see his friend stealthily making his way over to my friend, I immediately know I'm being uglyfriend-sat and it is humiliating and demoralizing.

So yeah, next time someone's all, "You'll never meet anyone if you don't go out," I'm just gonna tell 'em to shove it. I already met Jack and Coke, and we're doing just fine, thank you.