You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

NF Flaws and Advice

I felt it might be better for us to share our own flaws and advice to others how to deal with our dark side. It'll definitely help us to understand how to deal with conflicts in crucial moments, hopefully.

Being an INFJ, I constantly need alone time to recharge. Though most people often interpreted it as we have some sort of personal issues against someone. I honestly swear when I need to shut down for a while, there could be other private issues which I need to sort it out alone. Though when it comes to desperate situation, I do often let people know and reveal a part of it.

Sometimes when I stopped having contact with others, they often felt misinterpreted it as it has to do with some issues against them--which is usually not the case.

However, I do admit that I have a bad habit of returning phone calls or text messages when I crawled up in my own sanctuary. It has often cost much unwanted troubles and misunderstanding. It's just the way I'm cored to react in resolving some personal issues, or just a melancholy state of mind.

So the best way is to just give me a little break and space, and eventually I'll start looking for you as most of the time, it's really difficult to endure lonliness. Yet, we still need those silent moments.

When I am in a bad mood I tend to get angry at people who try to cheer me up and distract me from what I'm feeling. I know that they mean well and they want me not to get too sad or scared. I know that it would work for them. That's why it looks as if I didn't appriciate their honest attempt to help.

But for me the best way is to talk my feelings through or let me process them in silence. I can't leave them unaddressed. They are very strong and they are one of the most real things for me. Getting disconnected from them is like getting disconnected from reality. That's why the best way is to let me talk about them and listen .

When I am in a bad mood I tend to get angry at people who try to cheer me up and distract me from what I'm feeling. I know that they mean well and they want me not to get too sad or scared. I know that it would work for them. That's why it looks as if I didn't appriciate their honest attempt to help.

But for me the best way is to talk my feelings through or let me process them in silence. I can't leave them unaddressed. They are very strong and they are one of the most real things for me. Getting disconnected from them is like getting disconnected from reality. That's why the best way is to let me talk about them and listen .

I recently went through this with my Esfj older sister. She got so angry with me because I refused her advice. I had to stop her from talking to tell her "Listen! I just want to be heard not to be silenced when I'm upset OK!?" And her reply was "I know but I have given you so much advice and you never take it"

She doesn't understand that I don't want her crappy advice, I just want her to listen and nod or whatever, just listen to me. I need to cry it out and not have someone interrupt me. It takes away from expressing myself, expelling the negativity that I need to. Seeing me that way means she sees me as depressed and that I should go out more. Also, she wants me off the internet LOL because the internets is a baaaad place. Isn't it so difficult to express how you're feeling when there are so many out there who will judge you for it? As if being sad and having natural human emotions is wrong. No way.

I recently went through this with my Esfj older sister. She got so angry with me because I refused her advice. I had to stop her from talking to tell her "Listen! I just want to be heard not to be silenced when I'm upset OK!?" And her reply was "I know but I have given you so much advice and you never take it"

She doesn't understand that I don't want her crappy advice, I just want her to listen and nod or whatever, just listen to me. I need to cry it out and not have someone interrupt me. It takes away from expressing myself, expelling the negativity that I need to. Seeing me that way means she sees me as depressed and that I should go out more. Also, she wants me off the internet LOL because the internets is a baaaad place. Isn't it so difficult to express how you're feeling when there are so many out there who will judge you for it? As if being sad and having natural human emotions is wrong. No way.

When I am bummed out about life I tend to withdraw as well, but I make sure to let people know why I haven't been around so they don't take it personal. I just don't want to bring my Debbie Downer negative energy around others when I am in a weird mood like that. I am kinda feeling this way right now....I just want to be cozy at home and be left alone. If my friends REALLY need me, I can muster up some energy to get my ass out of the house .

I appreciate the advice that my caring friends give me. Certainly, regardless of how I feel about the advice itself I always try to look at the caring behind it and the fact that they want what is best for me (I have a number of friends who I genuinely feel this about.)

Trouble is, even with those who care and know me fairly well - sometimes they totally misunderstand me. I've run up against this lately. And then I just want to withdraw. It makes me want to not talk about my problems - even though an INFJ feels better when they can do so. Partly when I feel like that I'd rather not talk about my problems because a) feeling misunderstand just makes me feel horribly worse, and b) it can make me angry with the friend I feel has misunderstood - and I would rather not be unnecessarily angry with those I care about.

I'm finding this to be a bit of a catch-22. Lately, this type of situation and the whole dilemma it presents has made me quite unhappy.

I'm not sure if this has to do with INFJs traits, but once we suddenly started to share lots of personal infos to you, that's an immediate sign that we're suffering from certain issues.

Flaws:

We're independent in many ways, as that's what most people see in us. Though it's quite difficult for others to believe that emotionally we can be extremely fragile. The idea of "reassurance" of any stable relationship is very important to maintain our well-being. That's why we often ask questions to double-check if there's anything wrong from you. Sadly, most people consider this as a exhausting behavior, while didn't realize we only do that when we're having many doubts in our minds (mostly illusional ones).

Advice:

No matter how pointless and energy-draining this can be, you have to compromise it if you really cherish our relationships. I think most INFJs have fears of being alone as our social circle is relatively small compared to other types, so we'll do anything to make sure everything is alright.

Flaw: I hate being too attached to people. I start to wonder if I'm being "authentic" with my decisions. I start wondering if every choice I make is more me and my values or for the people around me. Then I get paranoid, then I try to break free, then I hurt people. Its a really horrible cycle.

Advice: I've really just let myself be ok with completely being dependent on someone. I'm not there yet but I'm learning that its ok for someone to help me with my burdens or help me through life. I'm learning that I am always "myself" as long as I'm making decisions true to my heart, whether they are for others or for me.