Party tactics seemed as tangled as the snakes Medusa's hair

With Baldrick ruses and clever- clever stratagems, points of order
here, subclauses there, our political estate obfuscated and anguished
about how big a dollop of gravy it should receive in its rations.

The Commons held a fractious debate on MPs' allowances. A few
admitted the position was critical. The rest danced round the vulgar
matter of public opinion, reluctant to acknowledge the public's hatred.

Hon Members were permitted votes on various amendments. These
were drafted in twirly language, devised to save the Prime Minister's
face.

Gordon Brown did appear at the end of the afternoon.
He minced around with his head waiter gait. I did not see anyone talk
to him, though.

Few seemed to know what was going on. Behind the Speaker's
Chair, Anne Widdecombe (Con, Maidstone) argued with a Tory Whip,
holding wide her arms in quizzical manner. Frank Field (Lab,
Birkenhead) was escorted to a far corner by one of Mr Brown's hit men,
Tommy McAvoy.

The afternoon was baffling, complex, not necessarily what it
seemed. Mr Speaker was absent for much of the debate (watching with
mother in his grace and favour pad, perhaps).

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Earlier he had read a
complex explanation from a pre-typed script, designed to answer a query
from a Tory who thought the agenda had been fixed. As of course it had.

Backbenchers were paged by their central commands. The Tories
were at one point told they could go home. On the Labour side written
messages were being passed this way and that.

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Non-frontbenchers went down and crouched beside ministers to seek guidance. Ministers equivocated, not quite knowing what to say. Puzzlement. Uncertainty. How odd that principle should be so complicated.

There was a lingering suspicion that the parties were up to something. But what? Their tactics were as tangled as the snakes in Medusa's hair.

The most telling sight of the afternoon, just as the voting started, was of a Labour Whip, a round- shouldered, deeply unlovely lurk called Watts (St Helens N), having the most enormous yawn. You could have driven a BMW 7 series through that yawn. Mr Watts must have had a long week.

The debate's best contributors were the likes of Gordon Prentice (Lab, Pendle), John Mann (Lab, Bassetlaw) and the shadow Leader of the House, Alan Duncan.

These men used a variety of tones to tell the House that the system was well and truly kernackered. Mr Duncan ironed all partisanship from his voice. He spoke seriously and slowly. Good decision.

HIS his part, Mr Prentice attacked that video the PM did on 10 Downing Street's TV channel last week. 'It was just too horrible to watch,' said Mr Prentice. 'I was just flinching.' Another one Gordon can cross off his Christmas card list.

The day's worst moments included a speech of rancorous self-pity from Derek Conway (Ind, Old Bexley & Sidcup), whose misdeeds helped bring the House to this sorry pass.

Mr Conway, in his speech, compared himself to the 18th century Admiral Byng, controversially executed as an example to others. The lack of selfknowledge in these people really is astonishing sometimes.

One of two, among them Tony Wright (Lab, Cannock Chase), attacked the Press. Mr Wright seems dead to the idea that journalism is a legitimate check on political impropriety. In a man who is sometimes thoughtful, it is a strange failing.

Angela Watkinson (Con, Upminster) was appalled that she should have to commute from a constituency which is on the London Tube map.

Barry Sheerman (Lab, Huddersfield) waxed indignant about the standards of housing an MP should be given. John Bercow (Con, Buckingham) was a portrait in glutinous posturing.

There was also an unconvincing speech from Harriet Harman, Leader of the House. She failed to explain why - with the Speaker's co-operation - she stitched together a bizarre procedure which said 'right, let's allow Sir Christopher Kelly to set our allowances' - and then went ahead and told Sir Christopher what to do, anyway. Rum.