Jonathan Stolow D'var Torah -- Parshat Vayera (November 8, 2014)

Shabbat shalom!

You know you’re grown up when jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

The portion I read from today is Vayera. In the portion Abraham is visited by three strangers which I’ll explain in depth in a couple minutes. He invites them inside and serves them food and water. He then sees them on their way. A short time later G-d tells Abraham that he plans to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham pleads with G-d not to destroy the city if there are 50 innocents in the city. He then bargains all the way down to the point where G-d promises not to destroy the city for the sake of 10 innocents.

Shabbat shalom!

You know you’re grown up when jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

The portion I read from today is Vayera. In the portion Abraham is visited by three strangers which I’ll explain in depth in a couple minutes. He invites them inside and serves them food and water. He then sees them on their way. A short time later G-d tells Abraham that he plans to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham pleads with G-d not to destroy the city if there are 50 innocents in the city. He then bargains all the way down to the point where G-d promises not to destroy the city for the sake of 10 innocents.

Meanwhile, the messengers reach the city of Sodom, where Abraham's’ nephew Lot lives. Lot lets them stay in his house, even though he is not very gracious about it. During the night, men from the city try to abuse the strangers. Lot offers them his daughters instead, but the men insist on the strangers. The messengers tell Lot that G-d is about to destroy the city. Lot and his family flee the city as it is being destroyed. In the process Lots’ wife is turned into a pillar of salt.

Maybe Lot’s wife wouldn’t have died this way if only she and Lot had been more hospitable. So the question is: What does the Torah teach us about hospitality? In the portion, Abraham is an example of an extremely high level of hospitality. At the beginning, he is sitting in the hot sun, so that he could see any travelers coming. Abraham was also praying to God. But when he sees the strangers coming, he RUNS out to meet them, momentarily ignoring G-d. He takes them to the shade, washes their feet (which was a big service back in the day), and then offers a small amount of food. Though the strangers accept that offer Abraham still makes a huge feast. He gives them PERSONALLY a CHOICE calf, CHOICE bread and some milk. He also HURRIES to make it so that his guests don’t need to wait. He then walks with them to the gate. In comparison, Lot fed the strangers little, and refused them the service of washing their feet. Lot also treated to the strangers grudgingly, unlike Abraham, who did it cheerfully.

Several commentators point out that Abraham was still recovering from his circumcision he had during the previous portion, Lech Lecha. He thought more of his guests’ needs than his own. Rambam, a rabbi who lived from 1135-1204 in Egypt and Morocco, also points out that he walks with them, not JUST to the gate, but until he saw that the strangers were safely on their way.

Rashi, one of the greatest commentators of all, who lived in France just 30 years before Rambam, said: Abraham’s treatment of the strangers who visited him is viewed ...as an outstanding model of hospitality. By contrast, Lot’s reception of his guests raises troubling questions. Lot only brought guests to his house at night. He also never led them straight to his house. When they arrived, he said “do not wash your feet.”

Why isn’t Lot more hospitable? It could be that Lot just wasn’t a hospitable person. But multiple rabbis think it was because there was a strict penalty in Sodom for helping the needy. One Midrash even states that Lot’s own daughter was put to death for giving bread to a stranger. This would definitely make you think twice about giving food away- not to mention a place to stay! So although Lots’ wife was not hospitable, she was probably not killed for said lack of hospitality.

I think of hospitality as a ladder, sort of like Rambam’s ladder of tzedakah. You can be hospitable on different levels, depending on how you act. The lowest level, of course, is not being hospitable at all. The next level is doing it grudgingly. If you are hospitable only because it’s expected of you, then you aren’t being very hospitable at all. An example would be giving a new kid a tour of the school, only because the principal told you to.

The second level is be hospitable cheerfully. Even if you don’t have much to offer, doing it cheerfully is important. The third level is being hospitable after being asked. It is not as welcoming if the person who is the guest must ask to be let in. You should try for the next level, instead. That level is being hospitable before being asked. If you send out an invitation, it is much better. Abraham does this when he runs out to greet the strangers and asks them to come inside, instead of waiting for them to come to him.

Fifth comes Lot’s rung on the ladder. Although he doesn’t do much, he sticks his neck out for these strangers. You can do this if someone else would get in too much trouble. You can share the burden, and by doing so it will make the burden lighter for both of you.

Rung number 6, the second rung from the top, is the one we should try to accomplish. This isn’t where an overachiever would try for, but it is not too far down on the ladder. To achieve this, you must do more than expected, and you must see it through to the end. This is the level I was planning to achieve with my mitzvah project (which I’ll explain shortly).

The top rung, rung number 7, is a goal that is very hard to reach. It is the level of Abraham. He runs out to meet the strangers, and invites them inside. He then makes a huge meal, after he had already told them he wouldn’t make that much. When they’re done, Abraham walks the strangers past the gate, and until they are on their way. In addition he never thinks of his own needs, only his guests.This is the level that will get you an A plus on any test.

I think that this ladder could also be compared to trying to exceed expectations. While a 4 or 5 meets expectations, we strive for 6s and 7s. These are the levels of exceeding expectations. When I do things like school work, I sometimes will settle for a 5. I need to work on pushing myself further- and so can you! Although there are times you can’t reach that 7, you can always can try. You can even try to bump yourself up a level PAST Abraham. Now THAT would be exceeding expectations!

Although I often try for a 6 or 7 on the ladder, there are still times when I fall short. One example is my mitzvah project. I worked in the Teen Volunteer program at Cradles to Crayons. They are an organization that helps make sure kids living in homeless or low-income situation have all the necessities, not just to live but to thrive. Mainly, they collect clothes, although Cradles also takes toys as well. I helped organize the donated clothes. I also ran, or tried to run, a clothing drive. My goal was to collect 20 bags of clothes, even though you were only expected to collect 15. Although we tried to collect more, we only collected 6. Other people who donate achieve a level 2 by donating cheerfully. Others get a 4 by donating before being asked to donate. I tried to get a 6, by going over the top and helping extra. While this might not be Abrahamic, it is still a very satisfying level of accomplishment. The big thing I think I learned is that you should always give your best effort.

Of course, I couldn’t have exceeded many, if any, goals, if it weren’t for many of the people I see in the congregation here today.

I want to thank my Mom and Dad, without whom I couldn’t be here today-literally! I don’t think I could run 6 miles from my house to the synagogue in these clothes! I want to thank my Dad for helping me- or at least trying to help me practice my torah reading, and also driving me every Monday to my tutoring.I want to thank my Mom for always trying to work a way around a problem- especially when there wasn’t a way around it. But in all seriousness, thank you for having my back every step of the way.

Daniel, thank you for letting me use the computer to type this very speech, especially because I know that every time I started to use the computer you’d want to, too. But you’d let it slide.

You, Rabbi for all the time and attention you put into teaching me about how to be a bar mitzvah (and also for all the Hershey kisses along the way).

My grandparents, Nonna, you inspired my love of travel and your support as a baseball fan. Grampa, thank you for inspiring my love of music, and for all the places you’ve driven me to.

I want to thank my teachers and helpers (Rochel, Missie, Tess, etc.) who coached me through all the steps of becoming a Bar Mitzvah.

Finally, thank you to my relatives and friends for taking the time to come and be here with me on this special day, especially anyone who came from out of state or who had other difficulties in coming to this.