Asking Out Problem

Asked by lilomilo on 2018-05-8 with 1 answer:

I want to ask out the girl I like. We know each other for 10 years now. We are aquaintances not friends. I developed crush on her.I think she also likes me ( I’m pretty sure). I want to ask her out(coffee) in person but I rarely see her although she lives near me.

We are friends on facebook. Sometimes I send her funny jokes or pictures to make her laugh and to stay in contact. I think she is very traditional girl. I don’t want to ask her out over facebook because it is like I’m hiding behind computer. I don?t have her phone number. Also facebook is very informal with much information and my message can look like one more information.

When you ask out someone in person you can see reactions, other person can hear your voice, appreciates your courage and you have best shot. I asked one girl over facebook, and it didn’t go well.

I had chance 2 or 3 times when I saw her and she was alone but I didn’t take it so it would be stupid that i ask her over instant message now.

We are not in the same social circles ( we were before )although we have common acquaintances. I know that on facebook you can see where person is going like to some events ( one time I came but she didn’t show up )but I don’t want to stalk someone. It should be spontaneous. If I wait till I see her again she could find a boyfriend. (From Slovakia)

I understand the dilemma and think it would be good to send her a private message on Facebook that only she will see. Give her your email or phone number, and tell her you would like her to connect with you so you can talk. This way you are not asking her for information and she can reply to your request if she wants.

You could also just explain in a private message that you are going to be at a particular coffee shop at a particular time and if she is around you would like to see her. This gives her a chance to respond — and you don’t have to put yourself in the position of asking for a date. You are going to the coffee shop anyway and you are asking her to join you.

But, either way, let her know you are interested in connecting with her.

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Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.