What Should I Do When I Am Angry For Being Treated Un-fairly?

by Ashley
(CA, USA)

I usually only get mad at my mom and sister. My sister is 15, and I am 13. I also have 3 other siblings between the ages of 6-10.

Those three and I are basically held into a group. Amber, the 14 year old, is in her own pre-adult group, where she acts just like my mom. I have been trying for over a year to get into that group but she always says "Stop trying to act older than you are, Ashley" and I hate it!

When she does something, like say, over a shirt for school, I try to wear it, she yells at me, I get frustrated, I get so frustrated I bump into her on my way out, she slaps me, I tell mom.

And yet, I am getting yelled at and sent to my room, and mom tells Amber in a sweeter voice to get her something, and she is all fine and dandy while I am in my room steaming. I know she is favored by most adults, and I think I try harder to please them. What do I do to help myself get healthier anger?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Ashley, and thanks for telling your story here. You are a very bright girl, I can tell by the story you've written here. I know it is hard feeling left out, and not in the favored group. This is something you will deal with all of your life, in some shape or form. So, why not figure it out now?

Here's the deal, as far as I can tell. The only group you really need to be in is a group of one--that's you. When you want to be older, or favored, or in a group that excludes you, you're not really looking at how awesome you are right now. Thirteen is an awesome age, and I suggest you enjoy it as much as you can.

You're a good writer, so I suggest you do some journaling, using the exercises on this page. The first one helps you get your anger out, and the second one helps you focus on the good things about you and the world around you.

Make up your mind you're going to be a happy person, use these journaling exercises, and focus on your own great qualities.

You can do this, Ashley. Believe in you.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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