Saturday, October 3, 2009

As you can see, the Crabmom just hasn't been able to crab at you properly the past months, and when I have it's been a little too serious and a lot unfunny. No doubt I have worn out the patience of my regulars who can see I'm just not the old Crabmommy they know and love (or love to hate). So I am taking myself on sabbatical. I will return; I don't know when exactly or for how long, but I will be back...This isn't goodbye forever, just a gathering of self away from blog, an attempt to attend fully to pressing matters in the so-called real world. I do have more to say (absurdly enough) on the subject of motherhood, but it will have to wait.

If you're feeling unspeakably blue about my imminent absence from the web, vivify yourselves by turning to other lifestyle gurus: may I recommend reading the latest installment of GOOP, whereby Gwyneth P. conscripts her money people—including a "wealth management" adviser, whatever that is—to offer financial advice to the "layman" (her word, not mine)... [No, I'm not sick of reading GOOP yet.]

Hoping you are all finding yourselves full of the bounty of fall's goodness...or at least, hanging in and on, by a thread, a rope, a satin ribbon. I don't either know what any of that means but it comes with all my

Very best wishesCrabmomp.s. I do hope to see you here again. Check back in a month...or two.

Awww Crabmommy,your latest posts, while not terribly funny, were valuable. I love when you get your dander up about issues like vaccines and helicopter parenting. Enjoy your time away from blogging. In the meantime, I'm hanging in there -- with a loose noose, mind you -- and await your crabbiness.

Beloved anonymous,You're the one I'm going to miss most of all! I live to blog for people like you--unfortunately my new gig is too time-consuming: okay, I didn't want you to know but...I'm involved in a covert project to mist the children of non-vaxers with the H1N1 vaccine. You know how the media keeps telling you there isn't enough vax? Pish posh! It's just a conspiracy against non-vaxers. In reality there is plenty of the stuff, only the feds have decided to dispense it unwittingly via the likes of me. So watch out: cuz Crabmommy and her batch of flumist vax may well be coming to a playground near you! Have a super-fantastic day!!

For example, I could, today, pen a lengthy diatribe about how I am ready to sell this freaking dog that can't seem to learn to stay out of the toddler's way when she's dashing through the house with a toy cart that she's very purposefully aiming at dog hindquarters? I've given the dog a special Get On The Couch dispensation, and even put a soft fleece blanket up there for her. She's a German Shepherd--supposedly very educable--so why won't she learn this one thing that would improve her quality of life by about 2000%? Why??

I've got more . . . and I'll bet many of your loyal readers do, too. Maybe serving as editor will help you get your mojo back.

I started blogging a few months ago about my boy and our "adventures", and a friend highly recommended your blog. I am a bit sad that there won't be new posts for a while, but in the meantime I'll read your previous posts!

Hi,My name is Wendy Wax, and I'm a children's book author (www.wendywax.com). I was reading your blog and wonder if you might be interested in reviewing or posting a link to a unique potty book my sister Naomi and I wrote, that was published by Little Simon, Simon & Schuster Books for Children. I have MANY testimonials about how it has helped toddlers get potty-trained because they sit on the potty reading the book that is all about how their heroes--firefighter, astronaut, construction worker, train conductor, etc. go to the bathroom. And the best thing is that they can open lift-a-flap doors and see (humorous) illustrations of their heroes sitting on the potty!

I've been interviewed on several National Public Radio stations about the book, and it's selling well. You can see the book at:

www.evenfirefightersgotothepotty.com or on Amazon.

You can reach me at 631-325-0867 or wendyawax@yahoo.com. Feel free to visit my website where more of my books are displayed: www.wendywax.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

Crabmommy Manifesto

On this website I will never:*speak of the enchanting constant joy and transformative wonderment of motherhood*dispense little nuggets about what my child has taught me*tell any mom to stop and smell the diapers "because it all goes by in the blink of an eye"*make jokes about bowel movements and baby body fluids (because it's not my thing and it can be found abundantly elsewhere)*use the word "miracle"*count my blessings*chart my child's developmental milestones*seem to be in a good or grateful mood*be mean about my friends or family because they'll get me back

On this website I will:*laugh at myself*laugh at others*laugh at rural momming*laugh at urban momming*mock the Stokke highchair*covet the Stokke highchair

Disclaimer:Let me say once for the record: like any mother I adore my own tot, think she is more brilliant, beautiful and gifted than yours, but this goes without saying. So I'm not going to say it (again). Rather, I vow to use my precious bloody-little time to talk about the more wretched and tricky aspects of momhood, pausing often to drown myself in a vat of self-pity and whining. Welcome!

About Me

Originally South African, then was an urban mommy (NYC), then hubby and I decided NYC sucks unless one is awash in cash...so we decamped to the smalltown cowboy west, to a town of many hyperfit, cheery "Look On the Bright Side" moms. Too much cheeriness forced us north and west and urban and rainy. I am happier in gloom. Crabmommy is mom to one child and one only, and by God it's going to stay that way. Recent musings in a variety of fancy literary magazines that nobody reads SO THEN I GOT A REAL WRITING JOB with Cookie magazine online, where I have a bloglet about momming. (Like I don't plug that one enough. Sheesh.)
email: crabmommy [then u make the at sign] gmail [dot] com