Ten Things He Thinks When He Finds Out They're Fake

You guys are gonna get mad at some of these thoughts (in fact, some will get mad about all the thoughts, and all will get mad about some of them), but I'm really going for the unvarnished truth. (By the way, those oranges are plastic. Get it?) With, of course, the caveat that every man is different and some men won't have a single one of the thoughts listed below...

I just want to feel them once. I've lied about having felt them for years and this is my chance.

Where's the scar? Will she notice if I look intently for the scar?

OK, try to imagine her with small breasts. Picture it. Does it change how I feel?

Wow, she's more self-image-conscious than I thought she was.

Does that mean she wants me to pay more or less attention to them?

Can she feel anything? Is she pretending to feel something?

I think that means she likes sex more.

I haven't seen anything like this since my friend's bachelor party in Vegas!

I wonder if my mom is going to notice.

I thought it would make a huge difference, and for about three minutes it did, but now I basically feel the same way about her as I would if they were real, or smaller, or bigger. Ultimately people turn out to look like who they are, inside, as dorky and corny as that sounds.

What do you think? Agree or disagree? Would you ever get fake ones? Do you already have fake ones?