Cry Me Some Bitters: Make a Bottle of Bitters from Your Own Tears

Bitters are not the sexiest cocktail ingredients out there—they don’t produce the cult-like followings of an elite whiskey or a rare amaro. But they are certainly important. They can give added complexity to drinks made by even the clumsiest of home bartenders (check out our ode to Angostura here). And while bitters are typically made from herbs, roots and fruit, the ingredient list of the potent flavoring agent is getting an odd twist: your own salty tears. Bompas and Parr, the organizers of events like the anatomical whiskey tasting and a bar where you breath in the drinks, are putting on a class that will teach students how to make cocktail bitters with pasteurized tears.

Fortunately, no one needs to do a deep dive into their abandonment issues to participate. While crying tears are acceptable, teachers will give participants a hand with tear extraction methods like massage or bursts of menthol. “Throughout our history tears have been the greatest declaration and symbol of love and respect,” a B&P representative told us. And they want us all to be able to share that love and respect with loved ones in the form of an alcoholic beverage this holiday season. It’s the best use of bodily fluids since Angelina Jolie wore a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck.

The class will be taught by candlelight at the Alcoholic Architecture installation (the aforementioned bar where you can get tipsy by simply breathing). Also included, for those who don’t find tear-infused bitters personal (and possibly creepy enough), is a workshop on making jewelry from your own hair. You can grab tickets for the London-based class here.