. . they’re getting more deflected, denatured and disintegrated by the multi-thousand BTU Chinese forge of Republican politics. There are barely months to settle on a wingnut, but who will conquer tomorrow? Everybody has to know. Hail heavy metal Freedonia.

Newton’s latest strategy has been to eliminate anyone in sight still breathing. So he’s been taking it to the dead-white and blue capitalist, Chet Bainbot. He’s been taking it to the black children, destined to do no work. He’s been taking it to the gritty streets of South Carolina, where folks still (sshhh) prefer ‘others’ step off the sidewalk as they approach.

Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich’s relentless attacks against rival candidate Mitt Romney appear to be working, as a Rasmussen Reports poll released Wednesday indicates he is just three percentage points behind Mr. Romney nationwide. The poll finished with Mr. Romney garnering 30 percent of the votes, while Mr. Gingrich finished at 27 percent.

Now, that’s a Rasmussen poll. Meaning the numbers look spectacular and are surely wrong. But Newthor is definitely closing the gap. His campaign got so excited after Monday’s debate they put together this clip:

For context, let’s add . . uh, context. The get-up-and-stomp-your-jackboots ovation for Newtran (dubbed “The Moment” by his humble campaign) came as a result of moderator Juan Williams pressing Gingrich on his “black people” rhetoric. As in, “black people drive like this,” and “black people yell at movies,” and “I hate black people too.” Right-wing Newsmax reported the reverse-lynching this way:

. . “Can’t you see this is viewed, at a minimum, as insulting to all Americans, but as particularly to black Americans?” Williams said.

“No, I don’t see that,” Gingrich answered, prompting cheers and applause from the audience. He also recalled the fact that his own daughter Jackie did janitorial work for her first job.

“Only the elites despise earning money,” he said.

DUDE! That’s what you get for being racist, Juaaan. Or Hwaaaan. Maybe I putee fyou bettah unnastann: chingchong linglong, bitch. Winning.

Meanwhile, demonstrating a steely capacity for institutional-thuggery, someone in the Romney campaign directed ABC to talk to Marianne Gingrich, Newtrul’s second wife. This is the only thing anyone in the solar system is talking about tonight. It’s the end of everything, politics-wise, forever. Plus it has consequences. Given Newchan’s self-centered approach to affection (he loves his prostate, where he lives in a Spanish Mediterranean jizzball), the interview tomorrow will be devastating. If there’s an audience or a god, he will be dead by Friday.

Not to be outdone: someone else. Next: Rick Santorum. He’s piggybacking the anti-Gingrich campaign. He’d like to point out the difference between himself and the in flagrante davenportia Georgian:

Former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum told a Spartanburg crowd Wednesday that the only woman he’s ever sat on a couch with is his wife, a not-so-subtle dig at former House speaker Newt Gingrich, who appeared seated next to Democrat Nancy Pelosi in a 2008 ad urging action on climate change.

Newt Gingrich running for President is like some black, bottomless birthday gift. His gums keep flapping, so we explode with giddy cynicism and laughter and then collapse in derision. We pick our jaws and chiclets off the ground, and we wonder who votes for NOOTZO the KLOWN.

Yes, while he thinks people think he’s important enough to wonder what he thinks, life is good. So, life is good:

Past Adultery “Partially Driven By How Passionately I Felt About This Country”
Eric Kleefeld | March 9, 2011 | TPMDC

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who is in the early stages of a presidential campaign, spoke in an interview with David Brody of the Christian Broadcasting Network about his history of adultery and divorces. And as Gingrich told it, he sought God’s forgiveness — and as for the events themselves, they were driven by how hard he was working and his great passion for America.

I’m already feeling giddy — you? Because, here it comes . .

“There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.”

Yachtzee. That’s Newt Gingrich, smooth and smart like a porcupine. Or a slimy, insulting asshole barrier reef. Yes, you caught the man, but in flagrante patrioto. He only ducked out his bedroom window to drive America off to a Motel 6, where a grateful country spread its legs. America was begging for it.

Just how does one become a cheater-patriot? And how do you go about reminding the country of the adultery you committed for their benefit? I’d be interested to know how ‘Grich Charming managed that. Women, I’m sure, delight in hearing a narcissist wangle himself into self-sacrifice and heroism:

–“I worked far too hard. Then a blonde congressional aide fell out of the sky and landed on my cat. The liberal media called it ‘the truth.’ My wife, at the time, called it ‘Sportfuck Skylab.’”

–“I was working far too hard, hiding bimbos. So a brand new wedding killed my marriage. That was not appropriate.”

–“I have a passion for this country. It is a passion to toss her fat ass aside every 15 years, when her tits begin to sag.”

–“I slave over a hot intern all day, and things ‘happen.’ I happened to scream ‘MARRY ME!’ while I was pulling her hair. And we will get married, I swear, after I get a divorce from my ‘unhappy’ wife, ‘dying’ in a ‘cancer’ ward.”

–“When I left my first wife for my second, I was driven by a passion for this country. When I left my second wife for my third, I was driven by a passion for this country. I happen to live in Fresh Poontangistan. How do you do?”

He is irresistible. I myself am SO grateful for the work Newt has done for this country, this America who’s wanted nothing to do with him since 1998, that I’m willing to return his towering generosity.

In the world, there is no more demanding job, sparing nothing of its employees, than that of U.S. President. I am therefore willing never to vote for him in order to preserve his marriage. It’s a Gingrich-patriot style sacrifice that I’m willing to make.