GOOD MORNING: Son's prank featured some (literal) toilet humor

EVANSVILLE - There are two things I will make clear before we wander any farther into this column.

1. These 550-plus words are not to be read at the same time you're eating or drinking.

2. I love both my children more than I love anything else in this world, and one incident doesn't change that.

Now, the story.

My son Alex is 8 years old. He is an intelligent child, a whiz with both math and spelling at school, where he has yet to receive anything other than an A or its early-education equivalent, a checkmark.

He is tenderhearted and fun-loving. His best friends are two other 8-year-olds in our neighborhood and our 3-year-old Boston terrier, who Alex likes because they can sit on the couch together and trade farts.

Alex's sense of humor is still developing, and like many youngsters, sometimes falls victim to doing what is not in his best interest because of an older sibling.

The older sibling in our house is Eric, 11.

April Fools' Day fell on a Monday this year, and Monday was designated for baseball practice for the team of 6-, 7- and 8-year-old boys I coach on the West Side. We worked on baserunning drills extensively that night. There was much chatter and giggling on the field that night, as is the case on many evenings. I dismissed it as ordinary.

When we got home, I talked with my wife Amanda about how practice had gone. I was tired and filthy from two hours spent in the dust and dirt of a baseball diamond. Alex walked into the room and sweetly asked if I would like a glass of water. He held a red tumbler in one hand, an angelic smile on his face.

"That's very nice of you, Alex," I told him. "Could you put some ice in it for me?"

He did, then brought it back. I sipped the glass halfway to empty and sat down to read. My wife went to tuck the boys into bed.

A few minutes later, she scurried into our bedroom, grabbed my drink from atop its coaster and scrambled back into the kitchen. All she said was, "Don't ask."

I later found out that our oldest son had shared grand stories of April Fools' Day with his younger brother. One of them: Give someone a glass of cold water to drink, then tell them it came from the toilet bowl.

Eric forgot to tell Alex one very important piece of the gag: Don't actually get the water from the toilet bowl.

It's a psychological joke, kiddo, not an attempt at low-grade biological warfare.

And so it came to pass that my 8-year-old boy served me toilet water, and that I managed to keep my temper in check.

A quick chat with the nurse at the doctor's office the next day was met with the response that, "You're probably OK. But if you have any intestinal issues pop up, let us know."

It turns out that the prank had been discussed at baseball practice that night. Predictions were made among team members. An assistant coach didn't bother to mention it to me.

To his credit, Alex confessed to his mother, which prompted her sprint to retrieve the cup. He has promised never to do it again, and I believe him.

But all the same, I've spent the past three weeks getting my own drinks.