Teabaggers Boycotting Lefty Socialist Fox News Until It Stops Covering Up Unheard Story Of Place Called ‘Benghazi’

Oh, fair-and-balanced-and-not-in-any-way-propagandist Fox News, why hast thou forsaken the tea party, aka the most powerful and important movement IN THE WORLD, by going soft and not covering BENGHAZIIIIII!!!!!! 27 hours a day?

That is what a number of Tea Party activists are saying and they are organizing a boycott to protest the conservative station’s coverage, especially what they view as the network’s relative silence in investigating the attacks on a diplomatic mission in Benghazi, Libya.

Hell hath no fury like a pretend movement (which is really just a bunch of Republicans who like to play dress-up) scorned.

It’s as if Fox News has completely abandoned its mission of pimping every gathering of three dudes waving misspelled signs inspired by the conspiracy theories hatched from Donald Trump’s hair. You done gone soft, Fox, and the teabaggers are as mad as hell and they’re not going to take it no more and they even made a website called BENGHAZIIIIII!!!!!! Truth, which has lots of quotes from Alice in Wonderland so you KNOW they mean business. Take THAT, Fox News — if that even is your real name, which it might not be, we don’t know, we need to see the long-form incorporation forms!

“I am having withdrawal. I do like Fox News,” said Kevin Avard, a former state lawmaker in New Hampshire who is participating in the boycott. “I have been going to CNN, and to Headline News just to get some kind of fix. I usually probably only watch them once or twice a year.”

[Stan] Hjerlied said that “If I want news, I go to Breitbart News and Drudge and I can find all the news I need, very quickly,” and after the first boycott, says he may have “kicked the habit” for good.

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“I used to have it on all day long, and I probably watched maybe six hours last week,” he said. “The more I looked at it, I have come to the conclusion that Fox is not as fair and balanced as I thought. They shade the truth also.”

Poor Kevin and Stan. Let us have a moment of silence for them. Where oh where is a tinfoil hat-adorned-with-teabags-wearing wingnut supposed to get truthed at now, since Fox News has become like all those other lamestream media places that never VETTED THE PREZ because they’re all in on the conspiracy with the Kenyan Government of Hawaii about Obama bin Lyin’.

Teabagger Donnie Farner also feels his pain — but not in a lame Democrat Party Bill Clinton kind of way, duh — as he has discovered that not going to Fox News is harder than it looks too, but he’s keeping himself up-to-date by going to Glenn Beck’s website instead, which almost makes us feel sorry for him actually.

But these Patriot-Americans know the mission is bigger than themselves because someone has to shriek truth to power before they are forced onto hybrid trains driven by Joe Biden off to the FEMA camps.

“We need Fox to turn right,” said Hjerlied. “We think this is a coverup and Fox is aiding and abetting it. This is the way Hitler started taking over Germany, by managing and manipulating the news media.”

Yeah. First they came for the teabaggers, but we said nothing because we were too busy laughing our asses off. And anyway, STAN, you are forgetting your history because everyone knows Hitler started by seizing all the guns and making everyone gay-marry each other and use socialized health care. But nice try.

The boycott is definitely going to work any day now, and Fox News is DEFINITELY going to negotiate with the terrorists (or are they freedom fighters?) and give in to their demands:

[T]hat Fox News “be the right-wing CBS News: to break stories, to break information, and to do what news organizations have always done with such stories: break politicians,” that the network have at least one segment on Benghazi every night on two of its prime-time shows; that Fox similarly devote investigative resources to discovering the truth of Obama’s birth certificate; and that the network cease striving to be “fair and balanced.”

In fact, the boycott is already working:

The three-day boycott lasted Thursday morning through Sunday morning, and is the second time this group of activists have gone Fox-free in an effort to steer the coverage. Organizers say a two-day boycott earlier this month knocked 20 percent off of the network’s regular viewership. (A Daily Beast analysis of the same data showed that the boycott had little effect.)

Major effect, little effect — whatever. The arc of the conspiracy universe is long ‘n stuff.