Not A Fan Of Your Friend's Boyfriend?

If this headline inspires an image of your friend’s Anthony Weiner-like boyfriend, you’re in the right place.

While many of us may look at Huma Abedin and think: How is she putting up with this!?!?, chances are we’ve all seen a loved one date someone sketchy. “But it’s even worse when someone we care about is in a relationship we see as unhealthy,” says Holly Parker, PhD, and psychology professor at Harvard University. Here’s how to address the situation.

Don’t bash the boyfriend…directly
Sure, he’s rude, disrespectful, and you trust him less than the ingredients in a fast-food burger. But saying this upfront will only make her defensive. “It will come off as judgmental, and she’ll automatically point out positive qualities in order to protect herself,” says Dr. Parker.

Focus on how she feels
Keep the lines of communication open and encourage her to open up about her doubts. (If you don’t like him, chances are it’s because she’s expressed some unhappiness herself.) Say something like, “I noticed you don’t seem to trust him. Do you think that will change?” This puts the ball in her court, and makes her evaluate the relationship on her own terms.

Be patient
Think about it: There might have been a time when you were that friend. And you probably didn’t pull the plug the second your friend told you to. “Be understanding,” says Dr. Parker. “Even if she isn’t ready to completely end it, she might be ready to start really thinking about it.”

Know when to back off
If you’re at the receiving end of endless complaints with no breakup in sight, there’s no problem changing the subject. Say, “Look, I agree with you, but I agree so much that it’s painful for me to hear about all of these terrible things while you still try to work it out. Can we talk about something else for now?” It’s better to let her come around when she’s ready to talk breakup strategy, than to isolate her by snapping.