I joined the citadel in December of 2003. I was 17 years old. I had never played a table-top game in my life (I've STILL only played one or two to this date, actually). I was everything you all hate: I was into vampires and dragonball Z style superpowered beings and other such inanity. My only exposure to roleplaying was video games and online chatrooms filled with other edgy teens trying to outdo each other.

My first submission on the citadel was essentially a Raistlin clone and I thought it was super cool how dark and powerful this guy was. It wasn't received particularly well and the early generation of the citadel - Ria Hawk, Siren, CaptainPenguin, EphemerealStability, Manfred, Moonhunter, and others soon called me up on my antics. I could easily have left then. Or I could easily have refused their advice and stagnated as another Kalabar.

Instead, I learned. I ate my humble pie and I adapted. I asked for tips and read other submissions for inspiration. And I got better!

Others joined the citadel around the same time as me. Mourngrym, Echomirage, Scrasamax, Chaosmark, Ancient Gamer, Valadaar and more; all were older than me and had far more experience. All brought with them their own nuances and styles. They built worlds and shared ideas. Because of all of these people I learned enough to begin being proud of my submissions, flawed as they perhaps still were. I contributed enough to and was active enough in the citadel to be allowed to moderate the boards - this was eventually upgraded to an Admin status; A promotion which to this day I don't think I deserved but am still grateful for.

In the years to follow others came along. Wulfhere Kassy, Dozus, and Murometz to name a few. Without equal the time I enjoyed the most on this site was when Scrasamax and Murometz created the Adventurers Upon Return moderated freeform game and I played as my own tragic sandwalker, Moruz. That, and select other games, are some of the highlights of my time here.

In the years on, I made more friends, lost a few as people come and go from the citadel (myself included), and made more yet again. Laughter and ideas were had, worlds were forged from thought alone.

Of course, Strolen has always been here. Turning the cogs, fixing the leaks and greasing the ball bearings. Without his commitment to this site I would never have evolved to how I am now. Cudos to you, Strolen, wherever you may be and however active you are! There are so many others I can name, all of which i've shared experiences with.

For the last several years my inspiration has slipped. I made less posts than I used to, and I found it harder to write. I've found my days have been too long and hard to be able to just sit down and bash out a sub like I used to and it has been feeling more like a chore than a hobby. I've not made a sub in over 2 years and I've not posted in the forums in nearly as long. I've been through a lot lately and life has done what it is wont to do and beaten me with its club, even to the point where i've ended up seeking out professional help. Through all of that, I've never truly forgotten Strolen's Citadel. It's a place I'll always return to, even if it's just for a catch up post once in a while.

This year will have been the 15th year of my membership here. In 2 more years i'll have been a member of this site for longer than I have NOT been a member of this site. In 15 years I started and finished a course to become a chef. I spent 9 years in the industry, bought a house, got married, had a child, had a divorce, moved 1500km from my home town, sold my house, and started a science degree. I currently have a new partner and am doing my third year subjects for a bachelor of Physics and Maths. My daughter is nearly 5 years old and starts primary school in a week.And I still keep coming back here.

The reason I came back to the Citadel this time is because i'm thinking about trying my hand at a fantasy novel set in my world of Asydia which I'd been working on here. A high fantasy tale of a Hyparican girl and a strange figure who always seems to be present in her dreams.The novel may more may not fall flat depending on life, but I came back to harvest all of my submissions for their content and inspiration, and remembered how much I love this place, even as quiet as it is at the moment.

But I just wanted to make a post to say thank you. Thank you all who are here now. Thank you to the old blood who stuck around. Thank you newcomers who i've never met. Thank you those who are long gone and we will never see again. Thank you, Strolen. Thank you late night, drunken chatroom sessions. Thank you, Barbarian horde.Strolen's Citadel is the people. The prolific posters, the lurkers, the jokers, the critics, the dramatics. Without you I wouldn't be who I am. I would still be in those s**tty chatrooms pretending to be an edgy vampire sitting in the corner of the room waiting for someone to see how cool I was.

Even though I may fall to the shadows again until another time, I will never forget this place and the people in it.

PoisonAlchemist: Man Muro, you boost my confidence and then you just go crush it with a heartbreaking work of staggering genius.Pariah: Don't tell him things like that, if his head gets any bigger he'll float off like a weather ballon :p

Awesome post Shadoweagle! I recently bumped back to the site myself, though only to pick Strolenite brains about books.

Writing a novella is an awesome idea for you! Even reading your post in this thread is pure joy. You have that literary talent, now all that remains is work. Putting in the hours. (Do it!)

I arrived here a year later than you, in 2004, though I had been a lurker since 2002. I found Strolens through an aggregator portal that has since died, but basically it was a bookmark site, describing various roleplaying sites on the web. I visited all of them, and Strolen's stood out in all its glory.

We all owe Strolen a large thank you. He is the pillar of our community and an awesome guy. When you talk to him the next time, whether online or in real life, ask him about his journey into the Norwegian fjords and his trek over the ice-capped mountains to the rune stones of the Swedish forests. It is a legendary tale - and would never had happened had it not been for Strolen's Citadel. Also ask Murometz about AG's walkabout on Manhattan - another epic tale - full of blisters. I miss eating Korean food and going to the movies with Murometz. He always provides popcorn!

When I first arrived I was a troubled man in his late twenties, working on a bachelors degree and on fantasy worlds and in search for someone else - kindred spirits, wherever they may have be. Seems like they were to be found here.

I have changed much, and much of the positive changes has been because of this site, and the people I met here.

Wow, really took me back to the beginning when we were all just trying to figure it out. I am too scared to look at my first submissions now that you bring it up. Egads. Over time, and all my moves, the people here have been a constant that have kept me motivated and moving with the hobby. Kept me sane in many cases. Moving around so much is hard, but I always had the comfort of the Citadel and the Strolenati to relax and center myself with. If we didn't have the Strolenite bond that you described, I have no idea what I would have done with myself over the years. But you, and the others you have mentioned, and many many more you haven't, continue to make this a place that I will always come back to and always be part of.

Words cannot relay how much the words above mean to me.

And you also reinforce why it is still worth driving forward with Citadel version 167.44b alpha beta nonner. It may take a year to make but, by golly, this site will return like a phoenix reborn...one way or another!

Glad you found your way back! Thank you for taking the time to share your memories. Hope we can help in your latest writing passions!

I joined the Citadel in 2004, a year after getting married. I was 23, and I'm 38 now.

I have really learned how to write here, and have made some friends, and I do wish we wcould recapture the magic that was here in the 2000s, when the play by post games might have 4-5 games going at a time, and there might be 3-4 submissions in a day.

We were really jamming!

We were also younger, and less involved in real life, and I think, in many ways, creatively more free.