MIL- Long post!

I've read lots of posts on here about over excited Mil's with the birth of a new LO.
We have the complete opposite!

I always had an okay relationship with MIL (mother-in-law) would call and text and act like friends. This lasted a few years, right up until my OH (other half) proposed! We got engaged and instantly began to plan our wedding, that's when it all stopped! She had no contact with me what so ever unless a family gathering. She didn't get involved in any wedding plans and didn't acknowledge it was happening. We got married in Feb this year the fell pregnant shortly afterwards.

We went to tell both MIL (mother-in-law) & FIL (father-in-law) we were expecting. To which FIL (father-in-law) was over joyed and MIL (mother-in-law) passed the scan picture back to us saying she knew and it was midwife intuition ( she's a midwife). To which we didn't hear anything else about the baby until my 12 week scan she called me to ask if I changed my name on my maternity records (as it was still in my maiden name, as we fell pregnant so quickly) I hadn't and said I would do this at my 16 week appointment a couple of nights later she text me asking my consent to change my name for me, I said no because I felt it wasn't urgent as it's only my name and the baby would still have my married surname. She then changed it anyway and we didn't ever acknowledge the fact she had done it when I said no, I was upset that she had accessed my notes when I had asked her not to however didn't want to upset my OH (other half) as it's still his mum.
Since then we have had very little contact with MIL (mother-in-law) & FIL (father-in-law) no texts to see how me or baby are doing and not asking OH (other half) to help with any decorating of their house and this is his trade so we found this strange. My sister got married in August and MIL (mother-in-law) & FIL (father-in-law) were both invited, they attended however didn't speak to me or OH (other half) at all during they day. They were speaking to my mum and dad we walked over and they walked away, to which we again decided to ignore.

Yesterday was my baby shower, and the night before MIL (mother-in-law) took it upon herself to delete members of my family off Facebook for unknown reasons, I text her to ask why to which I got no reply. She came to my baby shower yesterday and didn't speak to anyone other than when my mum continued to speak to her until she answered. This made me and everyone there feel very uncomfortable and put a shadow over the whole day. Then left without saying bye to anyone and walked out of the house.

There isn't really a point to this post I just feel like Its getting to the last straw and just needed some clarification I'm not over reacting!

Hang on.... she accessed your medical records and edited them WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT!!!

That is completely unethical and illegal!?!?! Are you comfortable for her to read all your medical information as I would consider challenging her on this, and if she gave you shit I’d point out your only other option is to inform you midwife who would be duty bound to report it. If she was reported it would lead to an investigation by the NMC! (uk).

I’m in no way suggesting you want to cause this level of trouble for your mother in law but I think you and your OH (other half) need to have a serious chat with her about her behaviour and what her issue is as I would be scared of her ‘checking up on’ my medical notes post birth and also any postnatal issues or the babies health checks etc!

As to everything else it sounds like she has a serious issue be it jealousy or something else. But the fact she doesn’t even respect your own medical privacy throws up other issues- do you trust her to follow any guidelines on how you wish to raise your child if she had them alone if you can’t trust her to respect those boundaries???

Donno how I missed the medical part just re read, I would 100% report her if she has done it already she’ll do it again if there’s no consequences please tell your midwife this is a serious breech if trust I genuinely wouldn’t care what your oh says please report this

I also feel she is jealous as I’ve said and wants your oh as her emotional spouse it’s gross

You need to speak to your hospital and tell them! Also make sure you lock down your information with a password and notify the hospital that you do not want her around during labour or recovery.

I don’t think someone who accessed your records like that is going to go away so easily.

I'm sorry OP (original poster) but i totally agree with this. She has gone above and beyond to violate her position as a midwife.

She needs to be dealt with officially for this. If I were you I would tell your own midwife and ask for her to report it officially.

MIL (mother-in-law) or not what she did was illegal. What if she goes into change other important bits of information on your medical notes simply because she can and wants to.

You could be jeapordising your own care and even worse the care that you want for your baby during and or after labour.

As for the rest of the stuff, she wouldn't have been at my baby shower given her previous behaviour. Cheeky cow behaving the way she is, but it's only you and your OH (other half) that can sort it, by telling her that the way she is behaving is bang out of order and that she either bucks up her ideas or buggers off. I wouldn't be having anyone treat me, my OH (other half) or my family with such disrespect (the ignoring at a family function thing not the Facebook thing).

Or you just accept everything and get on with it until one day you finally explode at her and it goes terribly wrong.

Bloody hell. Yes report her because her acceding your records and then making changes without your consent is illegal. Plus she's being a major bitch. Cut her off if she can't treat you with decency. Hope she doesn't think she's getting in the room when you give birth....

Hang on.... she accessed your medical records and edited them WITHOUT YOUR CO...

Posted
01/10/2018

Hang on.... she accessed your medical records and edited them WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT!!!

That is completely unethical and illegal!?!?! Are you comfortable for her to read all your medical information as I would consider challenging her on this, and if she gave you shit I’d point out your only other option is to inform you midwife who would be duty bound to report it. If she was reported it would lead to an investigation by the NMC! (uk).

I’m in no way suggesting you want to cause this level of trouble for your mother in law but I think you and your OH need to have a serious chat with her about her behaviour and what her issue is as I would be scared of her ‘checking up on’ my medical notes post birth and also any postnatal issues or the babies health checks etc!

As a nurse I feel this is awful!! And she could get struck off for doing this!! Wow!

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