Written Off by Family, Black Sheep Suzie is Officially a Free Agent. Adopt Her Today!

Is family life a bore? Do you dread going home to your perfect brood? It sounds like your family needs a Black Sheep – why not Suzie? She excels at disrupting harmonious family dynamics. A week with Suzie is guaranteed to infuse your home with the misery you crave and you’ll have an excuse to start drinking again!

Is Junior struggling in school? Was Sister caught “out with the boys?” Adopt Suzie and she’ll make your troublesome teens look like pious angels and budding brainiacs in comparison. Trust us, we don’t call her a Black Sheep for nothing – she’s terrible!

Her compact size and flexible, liquor-limber limbs makes her ideal for travel. Take her to the In-Law’s for the holidays and she’ll really #@&$ it up! Guaranteed to “ruin Christmas” for years to come! Her nightly weeping is “whisper-quiet.” You won’t hear a thing! Best of all, Suzie will cost you NOTHING in school tuition because she was expelled from community college AND ceramics class at the Recreation Center AND tumbling class at the gym. She doesn’t even try anymore! Suzie has had all her shots and is toilet-trained (unless you make her really, really mad). She’ll have sex with Slow Uncle Dan! She has a chronic case of “the sharts” and loves to tell people about it! This girl’s terrible!

Don’t let your family go another day without the benefits of a Black Sheep child. Every family needs one – why not Suzie? She’s the best – at being the worst!

Here’s how to order:

Suzie is available for long term or short term adoption. Drop her a note in Dumpster E24 in the alley behind the Hooters on Bascom Avenue. Or send her an email at blacksheepsuz@hotmail.com and she’ll get back to you in July 2025 when they reinstate her computer privileges at the library.