Ask the Dude: Real Men Like Curves

I just bought my first bikini ever about two days ago for this summer and I’m 20 years old but, the problem is that I’m a curvy girl. My friends say I shouldn’t care what people think and I should be comfortable in my own skin especially in clothes. I’ve let body images in society get the best of me to the point where I won’t even let myself have fun at the pool or beach because I’m too scared of what people think. I keep hearing two sides to the story that it’s fine if a curvy girl wears a bikini and then I’ve heard other wise. So what would you say to curvy girls in bikinis?

Sincerely,

Insecure BikiniDear Insecure Bikini,

REAL MEN LIKE CURVES!

Hey, when bikini season starts most people are hit with a self-image s*it storm. Why do you think gym memberships seem to be on the rise every May? Everyone wants to look better naked and/or near naked, especially in environments where your body can be constantly compared to others.

One thing men really don’t find attractive: stick figures. If we can’t tell if you’re a girl or just a cross-dresser, that’s less attractive than an hourglass figure. And let me tell you something, there’s a ton of stick figures on the beach who think they look great while a lot of guys are thinking: “Eat something!” “If I picked her up, would she break?” “I can see her intestines!”

Yes, there’s such a thing as TOO SKINNY! But on the other hand, there’s a guy out there for every body type, curvy, flat, and all points in between. I’ve got my preferences and they’re different from every other guy’s.

On the sand, wear something that accentuates what you love about yourself. Where you’re especially lucky is it sounds like you’ve got friends who support and accept you for who you are, regardless of how you look. That’s a lot more than some have. While their advice about “not worrying about what others think” and “just be happy” is lovely in sentiment, let’s get realistic. Being happy’s not a switch you can flip and learning to accept who you are is a LIFELONG task. But, if you’re not happy, then make some changes!

If you’re super self-conscious then do some crunches every day when you wake up or before you go to bed and do a calorie count so that the amount you’re putting in your body is reasonable. Getting overweight has as much to do with portion size as with meal content. The good thing that can come out of all this neuroses (self and society induced) is the potential for making healthy changes to your routine.

What I always hate about this dilemma is that a lot of people are rejecting themselves. It’s an issue about shame. If you’re proud of your body, that’s going to come across in how you wear your suit, any kind of suit, including bathing and birthday suits. And if you’re not satisfied, again, make some healthy changes to get satisfied. Don’t become paralyzed by the fear and the guilt. Becoming completely inactive with the crisis will only prolong and worsen it.

I’m right there with you. A lot of guys are just as insecure about how they look in trunks, too. We’re terrified our boobs’ll be bigger than yours and our belly buttons will be leaking salt water long after we’ve dried off. I know I wish I was in better swimsuit shape.

The bottom line is: curves can be super-sexy. I mean, Christina Hendricks *Homer Simpson doughnut-face* Sorry, back. What matters isn’t whether you think guys will like curves, but whether you’re happy with your curves. There will be a guy out there who’ll love to imagine you without your bikini on. Right now, it sounds like you’ve got to take steps to be happy with what he’s imagining.