The Museum of Unworkable Devices

The strange place where broken is beautiful

fined
insanity as “doing the
same thing over and over
again, expecting a different
result.”My favorite variation (Anon)
on those words of wisdom is “someone
who hits one’s self in the head with a
hammer until it stops hurting.”

This museum, quite simply (quoting
from its Website) — “is a celebration of
fascinating devices that don’t work.”
Continuing, in downright humorous, if
snarky, fashion — it “houses” “diverse
examples of the perverse genius of inventors
who (I love this part) refused to
let their thinking become intimidated
by the laws of nature — remaining optimistic
in the face of repeated failures.”

While PTE is indeed a magazine
devoted to power transmission, we’re
thrilled to report that there is nevertheless
no shortage of ill-fated, once-andno-
future gizmos “on display” (it’s virtual,
people) at the “museum” whose
creator (more later) seriously intended
to help move earth if not heaven as
well — if only they had worked. (And
somewhere, Rube Goldberg must be
grinning his ass off.) Popular at this
repository are “intricate perpetual
motion machines that have remained
steadfastly unmoving (my ital) since
their inception.” It is also good to know
that, like all museums, the Museum of
Unworkable Devices considers itself a
“work in progress” — signaling a recognition
that Man’s talent for the stupid
continues to evolve, unchecked.

Let us read, for example, the museum
listing for this water wheel/pump
“system”, cited from a 1927 tome by engineer/
inventor of some note Gardner
D. Hiscox — Mechanical Appliances
and Novelties of Construction:

“Water wheel and pump — a principle
so often employed for the production
of self-moving machines that
it ranks next to that of perpetual eccentric
weights in its delusive power upon
the minds of inventors. The attempt to
compel a water wheel to raise the water
that drives it is in one form or other
perpetually recurring in devices upon
which our counsel and opinion are
sought.

“The worst of the matter is that in
most cases our advice to drop such absurd
projects is received as evidence of
want of sagacity and knowledge, and
our would-be client becomes the dupe
of some not over-conscientious patent
agent, who pockets his fees and laughs
in his sleeve at the greenness of the applicant.

“The device illustrated is one submitted
by one of those enthusiastic individuals,
who, without understanding the
first principles of mechanics, believes he
is about to revolutionize the industry of
the world by his grand discovery; and
as honor, and not pecuniary reward, is
his object, he seeks to make public his
invention through the wide circulation
of some journal. He is quite willing we
should adversely criticize the device,
because its merits are so great that no
amount of skepticism resulting from our
blind prejudice can, he thinks, influence
candid minds against a principle so obviously
sound and sublimely simple.

“Even if you could completely eliminate
friction and viscosity in the pump
and gears, this device requires the
pump to lift water above the open reservoir,
that is, higher than the pressure
head of the reservoir, requiring more
work than one can gain from the falling
water. Even if that minor (!) flaw were
fixed, the work done in carrying the
water around a closed loop is zero. Exercise
for the student: If viscosity and
friction were zero, and this device were
primed and started running, how and
when would it come to a stop?”

“The device illustrated is one submitted by one
of those enthusiastic individuals, who, without
understanding the first principles of mechanics,
believes he is about to revolutionize the industry of
the world by his grand discovery.” (Text, illustration
from Mechanical Appliances and Novelties of
Construction, Gardner D. Hiscox, M.E., 1927,
Norman W. Henley Publ. Co.)- Click image to enlarge

Okay then! In closing, let me mention
the list (below; go to the site for
the links) of various “galleries” available
for viewing — don’t touch! — at
the museum. Just the titles for some of
these tell you all you need to know as to
what they’re all about, such as: “Whatever
Were They Thinking?” — (deep4
thoughts, obviously); “The Gallery
of Ingenious, but Impractical Devices”
— (just what our economy needs);
“The Basement Mechanic’s Guide
to Building Perpetual Motion Machines”
— (there is no way I’m hanging
out with some “basement mechanic”
who is building “perpetual motion machines,
no way, no how; “The Basement
Mechanic’s Guide to Testing Perpetual
Motion Machines” — (see above!!)

So take a day trip in your PJs or BVDs.
Pack a lunch. Chill some beverage. Pull
up a chair to your favorite desktop or
laptop, and prepare to immerse your
brain in a totally useless but decidedly
diverting pastime. (Note: The Museum
of Unworkable Devices is the 1994
brainchild of Dr. Donald E. Simanek,
Professor Emeritus, Lock Haven University
of Pennsylvania. Space did not permit
a fair telling of his story. We hope to
address that with the next Power Play in
the October issue of PTE.)

About Author

Jack McGuinn, Senior Editor, has a diverse, 20-year history in manufacturing, including management-level positions in quality assurance and testing; product development; marketing and promotion; and industrial journalism. He has been with Gear Technology since 2005. [10 years in the gear industry]

The article "The Museum of Unworkable Devices" appeared in the September 2015 issue of Power Transmission Engineering.