So I disengaged. I changed my number. I stopped communicating with bm, for the most part, so they would coparent. They avoided talking to each other, went through me, and I always ended up being the bad guy in sd10 eyes.

Dh and bm had a big blow up at our home about things that go on here and there and how bm let's her parents be "the parent." Things changed for like a couple weeks. Fast forward to now, which is months later, they rarely communicate. He is fed up with talking to her about the same stuff, she doesn't change anything. SD behaved great at our house for a couple weeks. Then bm calls Dh to complain about how her behavior there has been so bad that week. She took a cell phone to school and got caught, isn't writing homework down, talking back etc. She wants to up her meds which is her answer to everything. Psychiatrist said no already. SD behavior gets worse here. Like way worse than it was before the two weeks she behaved.

Then he calls her last weekend to say she is almost out of risperdal and focal in. Bm says OK. She doesn't meet me at the school so o drive to her house on Friday after picking up SD. Bm car is there. SD goes in. Bm not there. BMS dad calls her. No answer. SD comes out with focalin and no risperdal. Says bm says we can't have any because she has five pills left and that's it. I'm mad because I had to drive here, am told I can't take her meds with me that she needs.

Get home. Bm calls Dh and says sorry was sleeping in car. Doesn't bring meds. SD throws fit because she didn't tell bm she had homework Thursday night and has to do it Friday night. SD is being a complete brat. Dh says I'm tired of dealing with bm. She knows SD has to have this medicine. I don't know what else to do.

I am tired of them. I told him I understand his frustration with bm but if he isn't going to hold her accountable andthey aaren't going to coparent, why the hell do I have to go through hell every weekend?!

They are on completely different pages and as much as its frustrating to watch OP,I'd try to stay out of it. It sounds confusing and dad and BM need to work this out. It seems simple also. I think that's what would drive me crazy!

Quoting momof2ex1:

That is not at all what parallel parenting is. Your frustrated bc they are actually not parallel parenting. They are doing something else and whatever it is doesn't have a name that I am aware of.

The fact that they talk so much back and forth suggests to me that they are not parallel parenting. PP is parenting beside each other not with each other the way co-parenting works. PP is when you communicate ONLY in an emergency and I'm talking blood transfusion or a broken arm. Any other form of communication is written in email or a journal, and it's once maybe twice a month. Schedules are consistent with little to no changes. No communication regarding the other household whatsoever. This is a failed attempt at co-parenting and nothing like parallel parenting. In order for PP to be truly successful the parents step back and do not speak at all and only communicate regarding education and the welfare of the child and that is done in writing.

I was shocked that they believe they are parallel parenting and wonder if they know at all what it entails.

Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

This.

They are on completely different pages and as much as its frustrating to watch OP,I'd try to stay out of it. It sounds confusing and dad and BM need to work this out. It seems simple also. I think that's what would drive me crazy!

Quoting momof2ex1:

That is not at all what parallel parenting is. Your frustrated bc they are actually not parallel parenting. They are doing something else and whatever it is doesn't have a name that I am aware of.

As far as the medicine, is there any way that the doctor can allow it to be filled by mom and by dad? Sure insurance will only pay for one but I would be willing to pay the full amount if that meant not having to rely on the other parent to send the medicine. That way it is in both homes and doesn't need to go back and forth. I know people that have done this with regular medications not so much with something like an antibiotic that is temporary but something that is taken daily for a long period of time.

One more thing. Dh needs to stop talking with mom about what happens at mom's. he needs to focus only on his home and how things are going at his home. I have no clue what happens at dad's and vice versa. Except what my dd tells me. And I rarely mention it to dad unless it really is a major issue. I don't even talk to him regarding homework. She doesn't do it at his house? It's her grade. She knew what her responsibility was. If he didn't allow her to do the work, she knows she needs to communicate with her teacher to get it done after school. This seems to work for us.

Maybe I was confused as to what parallel parenting is. Either way it seems she only communicates when things get out of control there and doesn't inform him of anything any other time. IMO, he needs to take more of an initiative and find out what is going on regarding school and the welfare of their child. He tends to wait til things are out of control then throw the custody agreement in her face that she doesn't follow. Either way, regardless of their parenting style, I am holding them both responsible. They are her parent, not me. I will help and support. I am just tired of SD coming to me with this and that and then acting like everything is my fault.

The homework was an example of this. She came to me and said she didnt do it, not them. It wasn't written down in her agenda, she hasn't told bm, I have no idea what she is doing in school. I only knew it was due on monday, she didn't tell bm about it Thursday, then she throws a fit and blows up at me because she doesn't have what she needs to do it. I tell her to just chill and get it done, dad says get it done so you don't have to worry about it. Then there is a hundred manipulations and lies and her whole story changes again. I gave up. I assume she got it done.

I thought parallel parenting was when they parented in their own homes and didn't involve the other. I called it that. They don't call it anything and avoid each other until the child is out of control. I don't know what you call this other than slack. They need to get a grip and parent their child.

Thanks for the advice!

Quoting momof2ex1:

The fact that they talk so much back and forth suggests to me that they are not parallel parenting. PP is parenting beside each other not with each other the way co-parenting works. PP is when you communicate ONLY in an emergency and I'm talking blood transfusion or a broken arm. Any other form of communication is written in email or a journal, and it's once maybe twice a month. Schedules are consistent with little to no changes. No communication regarding the other household whatsoever. This is a failed attempt at co-parenting and nothing like parallel parenting. In order for PP to be truly successful the parents step back and do not speak at all and only communicate regarding education and the welfare of the child and that is done in writing.

I was shocked that they believe they are parallel parenting and wonder if they know at all what it entails.

Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

This.

They are on completely different pages and as much as its frustrating to watch OP,I'd try to stay out of it. It sounds confusing and dad and BM need to work this out. It seems simple also. I think that's what would drive me crazy!

Quoting momof2ex1:

That is not at all what parallel parenting is. Your frustrated bc they are actually not parallel parenting. They are doing something else and whatever it is doesn't have a name that I am aware of.