It probably shocks no Cardinal fan that after sweeping the Reds IN CINCINNATI (in a year where the Cards have been pretty bad on the road and extremely good at home) they turn around and embark on their first four-game losing streak of the season that saw Carpenter and Wainwright both get beaten - at HOME.

On the bright side, they certainly didn't get shelled like has happened on occasion. The dark side? Once again a feckless offense is to blame. As stated in this space recently, the Cardinals have decided to be a team with a handful of super-salaried stars fortified with a whole bunch of cheap fill-ins.

Can the Cards AFFORD to have a shortstop and second baseman that can actually hit? Nope.

Are Jon Jay and Allen Craig legitimate major-leaguers? They haven't been the past four years but suddenly, this year they are? That seems fishy.

One of the biggest concerns many experts had with the Cards when the season began was a lack of depth and a lack of veteran experience and the team has been exposed in both categories. The only veterans they can afford to pick up are only those that have literally been thrown out with the trash. Guys like Randy Winn, Aaron Miles and Jeff Suppan. Super-sub Felipe Lopez could have been very effective as a part time guy, but has been overwhelmed as a starter.

The number of guys on this team that are borderline major leaguers is staggering. Those I'd put in that category? Tell you what. It's easier to state those NOT in that category and we're talking position players (pitchers are a different animal). Strictly limited to position players, Albert Pujols, Matt Holliday, Yadier Molina, Colby Rasmus, and...that's about it.

The Cards have literally only four everyday major league quality position players. That's barring injury, the Cards' lineup is only comprised of 50% quality bats (not counting the pitcher, of course). That's four legit bats out of eight in the lineup for those who are bad at math like me. And you can almost not count Molina as he is not in for his bat, but his defense. Certainly, that's been the case this year.

I mean, who is afraid of (deep breath)...Skip Schumaker or Brendan Ryan or Felipe Lopez or Jon Jay or Randy Winn or Nick Stavinoha or Aaron Miles or Allen Craig? Right. No one.

At our best, our offensive lineup is going to be 50% effective. That's an "F" in my book - and probably any book. And as I said before, this is the path John Mozeliak and the Cards have committed to for the next five+ years, assuming the contract Pujols will get this off-season.

For comparison sake, in 2004 the Cards had one automatic out in the lineup in Mike Matheny. This year, we have four or five every night.

Here's to hoping Jay and Craig morph in players they've never been before. Here's to hoping David Freese can stay healthy next year.

Here's to a LOT of hoping for next year.

And now, with a bitter taste in my mouth after a Brewers two-game sweep...

The Hard Nine

1. When Quality Starts Become "Quality" Losses - I hope our top three pitchers don't lose their sanity this year. According to Baseball-Reference.com's team neutral pitching stats this year Chris Carpenter should have 15 wins, Jaime Garcia 13, and (drum roll) Adam Wainwright 19 (instead of the 13, 10 and 17 they currently have). Each of their last starts were quality starts - and they all took the loss. Jake Westbrook is fast joining them. He is only 1-0 in three starts even though he's been plenty good in all of them.

2. Worst Contract in Club History - I was feeling nostalgic about the "good old days" when Kyle Lohse was actually a decent pitcher and something occurred to me: he has never been a decent pitcher. Ever.

In his best season in 2008 he was 15-6 but his team neutral pitching record that year says he should have been just 11-10. That means he got lucky (everyone is entitled once a decade, right?). But even without sabermetrics, he had absolutely no track record of success in his career. Really, 11-10 IS a good year for Lohse, which is sad, of course and a record of 15-6 was a mirage.

He's never - NEVER - allowed fewer hits than innings pitched in a season. His career batting average allowed against is .283 (and was a slightly better .272 in 2008). A pitcher that allows a .280 batting average doesn't seem like he would be worth $10 million a year.

And of course, Lohse is not worth it. Which is why he has the distinction of being the beneficiary of the worst contact in Cardinals history and Mozeliak has the distinction of giving it to him. Congrats to both. How fun it will be to see the Cards throw games away by giving the ball to Lohse every fifth day through 2012. Wait, I forgot - he'll probably be hurt half the time.

Whew. I was worried.

3. Get Out Of Jail Free, Derek - I am happy for Derek Lee who has finally been granted his release from Cubs-Purgatory (though he could have left earlier for the Angels). He was traded to the Braves today and he should probably send the Cards a thank you gift for allowing him to hit four homers in three days off of us, which probably sealed the deal. But seriously, DLee has always been a real classy guy and I hope he can give the Bravos a jolt and help them hold the NL East lead over the Phillies. And maybe old friend Troy Glaus will feel more like a real ballplayer moving back over to 3rd base, which might wake up his long-dormant bat. 4. Year of the Pitcher? Try Year of the Wierd Injury -Kendry Morales of the Angels broke his leg running out a walk-off home run. Super Sophomore Mat Latos of the Padres landed on the DL holding back a sneeze. 2009 Rookie of the Year Chris Coghlan of the Marlins tore up his knee giving a celebratory shaving cream pie in the face to teammate Wes Helms during his post-game interview. He's out for the year. And this week, the weirdest and saddest: Francisco Rodriquez (K-Rod) of the Mets injured his finger punching his girlfriend's father in front of other players' family and kids and had season-ending surgery.

5. What If The Reds Were Even Better? - The Reds showed their commitment to build a quality pitching staff three years ago which led them to trade Josh Hamilton to the Rangers for talented starter Edison Volquez. Volquez had a stellar year in 2008 going 17-6 and was an All-Star. But this year he was suspended 50 games for testing positive for PEDs. But even beyond him, suddenly, the Reds seem to have plenty of pitching. Bronson Arroyo, we've talked about before. He's solid. Mike Leake is a great young talent with lots of upside. Jonny Cueto is a tough pitcher (and a pretty good kicker, too). Homer Bailey just came back from the minors and pitched a great game on Sunday tossing six shutout innings allowing just three hits and no walks.

Meanwhile, Hamilton has emerged as an AL MVP candidate this year. He's having an Albert Pujols-type year (.359 average, 26 homers, 80 RBIs). Drew Stubbs, Jonny Gomes, and Jay Bruce may all develop into everyday outfielders but for now they are all very inconsistent which has stunted Cincy's attack. If the Reds still had Hamilton, I'd wager they'd be the best team in the NL, period.

6. The Cards' Last Hope This Year - The Cardinals are about to embark on an epic road trip and their only hope is to continue the success they found in Cincinnati and since they apparently have lost their mojo at home maybe this is the best scenario. Can they somehow summon a grinding offense in San Francisco this week? Can they return the favor in Houston sweep the Astros? They do have a ton of games left with the Pirates at PNC Park where Pujols is a monster so that bodes well too. But, if they can't get it done on the road the rest of this season, they will finish second - or worse. 7. God Bless Us, Everyone - Christmas has come early for NL batters this year. Tiny Tim Lincecum of the Giants has been a lot less like Scrooge and been more generous with opponents. Hopefully that also means the door is finally open for Adam Wainwright to win a Cy Young Award. His ERA has ballooned to 3.62 and he's almost given up as many hits this year as all of last year (in 80 less innings). Adam should send him a fruit basket or something.

8. We're Having Twins - For the postseason! The Twins are proving me wrong in fending off the Chicago White Sox. They are first in the AL with a team batting average of .282 and fourth in ERA (3.88). The only thing that disturbs me about them is Carl Pavano. He's tied for the league lead in wins (15) and has been sharp all year, but especially recently. His ERA of 3.27 is fantastic (especially for the AL) and a full run lower than his career ERA of 4.31. That dude sure gets motivated for his next contact don't he? At least the Twins are the beneficiaries and his next team will be the chumps who sign him.

9. Going to Confession - Jonathan Sanchez of the Giants (along with every other baseball "expert" that dissed the Pads) needs to finally confess that the Padres are legit and headed to the postseason. Sanchez, if you didn't know, said the Giants would sweep the Padres in their most recent series. But a funny thing happened: the Padres swept THEM and the Giants are now 5 1/2 games out of first place. The Pads (now with one of my favorites, Ryan Ludwick) will be one of the "underdogs" I'll be rooting for. But anyone will tell you they are anything but.

Let me make this clear: I am a Brandon Phillips fan. Watching him play my Cardinals the last five years with the Reds in the NL Central, how can you not appreciate his talent?

He's going to bat about .280 with 20+ homers and 20+ steals virtually every year which is tremendous production from a second baseman. He's not a big guy, but he takes entertaining, vicious hacks a-la Prince Fielder which means he hits some real bombs from time to time. Yet he doesn't strike out a whole lot - he's only reached the 100 K mark once and that in a year he hit 30 home runs. He's a tough out, he plays Gold Glove-caliber defense, and you have a to love a guy with no shortage of confidence. Phillips will be the first to tell you he feels he should be an All-Star every year.

All that said, his proclaimed hatred of the Cardinals prior to the Cards-Reds series this week shows the young man has a lot learn about respect.

Phillips told the Dayton Daily News' Hal McCoy, "I'd play against these guys with one leg. We have to beat these guys. ... All they do is b---- and moan about everything, all of them, they're little b----es all of 'em. I really hate the Cardinals. Compared to the Cardinals, I love the Chicago Cubs. Let me make this clear: I hate the Cardinals."

Mmmkay. Message received.

I assume Phillips was referring to the Cardinals' complaints about slick baseballs at Great America Ballpark last year (from John Smoltz and Chris Carpenter) and this year in the Cards' first series in Cincy in April again from Carpenter. In response, Reds' starter Aaron Harang has noted that no other teams have complained.

It's not a huge deal. So apparently, the Reds' clubhouse staff doesn't rub the baseballs as well as the Cardinals like. Call it home field advantage or something. Big deal.

What IS disturbing is while Tony La Russa can play head-games with the best of them, two Cy Young Award winners like Smoltz and Carpenter? These guys have always been all-business. They don't play games, period. I think it's fair to say that 99.9% of all major-leaguers that have played with or against these two pitchers hold them both in the highest regard as competitors and how they respect the game.

Which is everyone except for Brandon Phillips, I guess.

Now, Phillips has never played for a winning Reds team in his life so we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe all this Reds postseason talk is making him forget what's going on with his own team. That the architect is former Cardinal GM Walt Jocketty. That guys like Scott Rolen and (now Jim Edmonds) bring a wealth of experience that he doesn't have.

Was Phillips insulting former Cardinals on his team now? Of course not. Was he even really insulting the current Cards? Doubtful. Most other teams feel the same way he does about La Russa and Duncan. The problem is he's too dense to realize that his Reds are winning because they are playing baseball the "right way" this year - and more consistently than any time in recent memory. Sorry to say, Brandon: your Reds are learning to play "the Cardinal Way".

Guess you'll have to hate yourself now.

Time for...

The Hard Nine

1. Worst Everyday Player in the Majors - One of my favorite writers, Joe Posnanski, recently examined ten candidates for "Worst Everyday Player" in the majors and justifiably, Skip Schumaker was on the list. Skip is a below average defender at second base with no power and no speed and if he doesn't hit .300, he really brings no benefit to a baseball team, except for his positive attitude and team-first approach. He's only batting .260 this year after three straight .300 campaigns so he has been a disappointment to say the least.

So it was thrilling to see him drill the first pitch he saw from Mike Leake with the bases loaded last night in Cincinnati for a Grand Slam to deep center field. He was looking for a pitch to hit at least a sacrifice fly off of and hit a big fly instead. Bravo, Skip. Now, try to get that average and defense back up to par, okay? 2. Houston, We Have Liftoff - The Astros are still dead last in runs scored in the Nation League, but they are sure doing what they can to make up ground in that department. After pulverizing the Cardinals bullpen last week, they continued last night with a 10-4 thrashing of Atlanta, who like St. Louis, has one of the best pitching staffs in the league.

Michael Bourn continues to be a pest on the base paths, Jeff Keppinger is one of the best offensive second baseman around, and Hunter Pence and Carlos Lee are still steady producers. But the real excitement is coming from new blood in Brett Wallace (yes, the former Cardinals first-round draft pick) and third baseman Chris Johnson who is simply raking (and I'm quite thankful seeing as I grabbed him in my fantasy league!). Wallace's call up to Houston was rather remarkable. The Astros sent Lance Berkman to the Yankees, traded for Wallace from Toronto and then immediately called him from AAA Round Rock to install him as their everyday first baseman. After bouncing around, "Thunder Thighs" Wallace has a home and in our division no less.

3. Trading For a Royal Is Probably A Bad Sign - Now, trading for TWO of them? Royals GM Dayton Moore must have some interesting dirt on Braves GM Frank Wren. Yes ,the Braves big trade deadline acquisitions included not one, but TWO Kansas City Royals and neither player is anywhere near as talented as Carlos Beltran. If I was a Braves fan, I'd feel queezy about what that says about my team. Naturally, in the 10-4 loss to the Astros, ex-Royals Kyle Farnsworth and Rick Ankiel performed to their typical standards. Ankiel was 0 for 4 with 2 strikeouts and Farnsworth got just one out while yielding four earned runs while taking the loss.

4. Worth the Price of Admission - The Tampa Bay Rays' David Price won his 15th game last night to set a Rays' team record and take the lead in the AL in pitcher wins. The Rays are just a game and a half behind the Yankees and solidly in the driver's seat for the Wild Card. It doesn't get any sweeter than seeing the Rays playing in October and the Red Sox not.

5. And Down the Stretch They Come - In five of the six divisions the first and second-place teams are separated by just 1 1/2 games or less. It seems baseball has more parity now than even the NFL. What a great month this is going to be.

The Reds-Cardinals race will be a showdown in the NL Central but I expect the Cardinals' veteran experience will carry them to yet another division title.

The Twins and White Sox are tied in the AL Central. Those two teams are so evenly matched, it's a coin-toss. But while I'm a bit of Twins fan, I feel the ChiSox deeper rotation is going to win them the division.

The Phillies and Braves can't seem to decide who should win the division. The Phillies have been decimated by injuries all year, but the Braves (like the Cards) are a very flawed "good" team. If the Braves don't put some real distance between them and the Phillies, they may lose their lead if the Phils get hot when Ryan Howard and (later this month) Chase Utley return. Still, I think the Phils will come up short.

The truly scary NL teams, for me, are fighting in the NL West - the Padres and Giants. Both teams have elite pitching. Both teams have managed to maintain enough offense to keep the wins coming (the Giants, in fact, have the same run-differential as the Cards). The Wild Card team could definitely be one of these teams and I think they both make the playoffs.

The AL East is also far from determined. The Rays have a less consistent offense than the Yankees, but thier pitching has more upside. But as is the case in the NL West, it doesn't matter - both will be playing in October.

6. Rockies Have Some Valuable "CarGo" - Usually the Oakland A's are known for trading away pending free-agents for high-quality prospects, but, the Rockies appeared to have gotten the best of the A's in the Matt Holliday trade two years ago. In that deal, the Rox got Carlos Gonzalez, who at 24 years of age is on pace for 38 homers and 117 RBI while leading the league with a .327 average - MVP numbers to be sure in this so-called Year of the Pitcher. His splits greatly favor him at home (as always with Rockies players) but the scary thing about CarGo is as a lefty batter, he actually hits left-handed pitchers better than righties - .329 to .326 and 11 of his 25 homers have been off lefties in nearly half the at bats he's had against righties. I hope La Russa remembers that the next time he brings in Trever Miller to face this dude.

7. St. Louis Rams Finally On The Rebound - The heretofore St. Louis "Lambs" are making progress which is nice for borderline NFL fans like myself. After watching Sam Bradford destroy the Mizzou Tigers for years, it's nice to be able to root FOR the guy, and nicer still to hear that he's been very good in team scrimmages this week. Hopefully, he will stay upright long enough to earn some of that $50 million guaranteed money he got in his first contract.

8. Going For A Perfect Ten - As my wife will tell you, I have been waiting and praying for Jaime Garcia to get his 10th win for a while now. He's had some recent inconsistency. The offense has often let him down as well as the spotty bullpen. But tonight wouldn't been any more perfect a time for that to happen as a win will give the Cards a win over the Reds and a tie in the standings atop the NL Central.

9. When a Cardinal No-No is a Good Thing - Finally, I've been thinking recently: the Cards had two pitchers in the CY Young vote last year. We will have another this year in Adam Wainwright, barring injury or meltdown. But with all this dominant Cardinals starting pitching, we've not had a no hitter thrown by a veteran in as long as I can remember. Why do I say veteran?

The last two no-nos have been thrown by Cardinal rookies (Bud Smith in 2001 and Jose Jimenez in 1999) both would hardly qualify as being expected. And prior to that, you have to go all the way back to 1983 to see a veteran (Bob Forsch) throw a Cardinals no-hitter. It's all fun and interesting when a rookie does it, but it's not the same. They don't know what is going on - they can't fully enjoy it. Heck, Bud Smith won SEVEN GAMES in his career, one of them was the no-no, of course. Those are freaks of nature. Those kids got lucky, in a way. When a veteran does it, there may be some luck involved, but for the most part it is a pitching performance that is meticulously crafted from start to finish like a chess match.

So for me, it's far more exciting when a veteran does it. They know how difficult it is and how rare. It's time for Waino or Carp to make some history.

The MLB All-Caveman Team

Since Adam Wainwright got shelled up in Toronto, I don't get to blog about the Cardinals strong pitching and how they swept the Blue Jays. And incidentally, the league needs to send Tony Randazzo a little memo reminding him that home plate is only 17 inches wide - not 3 feet as he appeared to give Brandon Morrow. But I understand his incompetence - he's from Chicago so he grew up watching poorly played baseball. Also, Randazzo looks like a meathead, which must mean something. As an ex-baseball player himself, had he made the majors he might have made the MLB All-Caveman Team!

This is a list of some of THN's favorite Neanderthals, both past and present. Pitchers who screamed battle cries from the mound, hitters who would have looked more comfortable swinging tree trunks at the plate, all with plenty of gnarly hair over their face and chest (and we presume, their back).

RHP - Pete Vuckovich - Any pitcher that can play a terrifying Yankee slugger in a movie is nothing if not imposing. He was much scarier as a Brewer than a Cardinal. That's probably why the Redbirds traded him - not cuddly enough.

LHP - Randy Johnson - After he killed a poor bird in spring training with a 95-mph heater, rumor is he ate it for lunch.

Relief - Rod Beck - One of the most colorful personalities to grace the diamond. Stories of his exploits in the minor leagues after his major league career was over are legendary with local fans.

OF - John Kruk - It's doubtful there has ever been a worse physical specimen squeezed into tight baseball polyester. Also makes sense he couldn't stick in San Diego, but was adored in Philadelphia.

OF - Colby Rasmus - A young knuckle-dragger in training, he's a mouth-breather through and through, but some of the deadliest warriors are like that. They look innocent, you lower your defense and them BOOM - they strike.

OF - Jay Buhner - Bald-headed and crushing 40 homers a year using the most intimidating batting stance in baseball history: he held the bat directly in front of himself as if about to enter a gang fight. He dared the pitcher to throw a fastball, and then pulling the bat BACK and THEN swinging, would connect, sending the ball into orbit. Awesome.

SS - Gary Gaetti - For some reason, the vast majority of shortstops throughout history have been excellent athletes, good-looking, more or less stars on their teams. So it was hard to find a true caveman, but luckily Gaetti logged some time at short, and for a guy that played into the 90s, none were more "old school" than him.

3B - Dave Kingman - One of the most feared sluggers of the 70s and 80s both on and off the field. The only thing that could make the guy smile was seeing sports writers tortured, but fortunately for them, it was the 20th Century - not the 5th.

2B - Jeff Kent - Few players combined such extremely high talent with amazing ambivalence to what they did for a living, and that kind of attitude toward something 99.9% of the population would consider a dream come true, is quite scary. Plus he was a jerk.

1B - Adam Dunn - Dunn is the ultimate barbarian the clan sends to the plate with the game on the line. The pitcher is too busy watching the way his 6'7" frame is blocking out the sun to focus on throwing the ball properly.

C - Darrell Porter - The MVP of the Cardinals' 1982 World Series victory, he literally looked like Quasimodo at the plate, hunched over, almost crippled - until he unleashed his wicked swing. The man was nails, cold-blooded when it counted, like any good warrior.

Well that was cathartic. So let's savagely sink our teeth into...

The Hard Nine

1. Towers of Power - For the first time in a while the Cardinals have three regular outfielders who are a threat to go deep. With Matt Holliday's recent power surge, each member of our current trio is on pace for 25+ home runs: Colby Rasmus (34), Ryan Ludwick (25) and Holliday (26). Holliday, until very recently, was on pace for just 15 dingers. The last time the Cardinals had three outfielders all finish with 25+ homers was 1998 when Ron Gant (26), Ray Lankford (31) and Brian Jordan (25) brought the thunder, which, with just a little help from Mark McGwire's 70 homers, led the NL in big flies. Too bad our pitching was as bad as our slugging was good that year. CBSsports.com currently shows the Cards' outfield rated 2nd in the majors to the Texas Rangers' thumpers.

In fact, since 1985 the Cardinals have had just five seasons where even TWO outfielders hit 25+ homers in the same season with Jim Edmonds factoring in three of those five seasons. With Holliday locked up for a very...long...time and Colby Rasmus still pre-arbitration, if we can sign Ludwick to a reasonable multi-year deal, we could be set for a long time, which is fairly critical since we don't have any impact outfielders in the minors at the moment. 2. Not So Lone Ranger - Speaking of the Rangers, Josh Hamilton was one of the most inspiring stories of the 2008 season. After a long journey back from substance abuse and finding peace as a born-again Christian, Hamilton had a successful comeback season with the Reds in 2007. He was then traded to Texas for promising pitcher Edison Volquez. Hamilton promptly became an All-Star with Texas in 2008 with a season that was highlighted by an incredible power display in the All-Star Game Home Run Derby that left everyone in awe. But 2009 was not so kind and while battling injuries and some off-field regression, Hamilton hit only 10 home runs.

Happily, (excluding the Rangers' opponents in the AL West, of course) Hamilton has rebounded with his best season yet, hitting .339 with 17 home runs so far. But more importantly, he's serious about his new life. Josh doesn't go out alone. He stays at home with the family during home game stretches and hangs out with his mentor, Johnny Narron, on the road at all times. He never has more than $10 on him. That's humility. It's a joy to cheer about things greater than baseball - like a changed life. 3. Yadi! Yadi! Ya...Oh Nevermind - Um yeah, so I've stopped with the Yadi 100-RBI pace updates, if you haven't noticed. Yadier Molina hasn't simply hit the wall - the wall seems to have snuck up on him and knocked the snot out of him upside the head with a two-by-four. Get this man a medic!

His average is down to .242, his lowest since 2006 when he batted .216. And what is really discouraging is how completely disinterested he looks at the plate. Chris Carpenter is giving a better effort at the dish and that's not saying much. After giving us batting averages of .275, .304, and .293 the last three seasons, it certainly seemed like Yadi had "figured it out". I don't think he's regressing, technically. I just think he's beat up - I've seen him take some nasty pitches off the body this year and those things add up. I really hope he doesn't make the All-Star team. He needs a break.

4. He Must REALLY Like Football - I do not come to bury Steve Smith, but to praise him. We've heard plenty of freak injury stories that have befallen professional athletes over the years. A lot of the times the accident leads to lies, a cover-up, and finally the embarrassing truth. The St. Louis Blues' own star defenseman Erik Johnson lost his entire sophomore season to a golf cart knee injury. Players ride motorcycles without helmets. They cut themselves with hunting knife birthday presents (yeah, Mike Matheny wasn't an All-Star, but that one STILL hurts us Card fans).

But at least Steve Smith hurt himself actually playing flag football. He was apologetic, but defiant: "I wish I could take it back," Smith said. "But I am a regular guy outside of football. I mow my grass, too. I can get my finger chopped off fixing my lawnmower. I could roll my ankle playing tag or slip-n-slide with my kids. In hindsight, yeah, I won't do it again. But I was just having fun, playing with some guys."

And yeah, that's a huge loss for Smith, personally, and for the Carolina Panthers organization and the fans, but for a while, how cool was it for those "other guys" to get to play football with a Pro Bowler? Forget the autograph, wanna play catch, Albert? Uh, was that your elbow that just popped??

5. Protecting the World's Jewels Since 1930 - Dear World: we get it. You dislike us evil, greedy, lazy, overweight, spoiled Americans. That's fine. But there are still things we really suck at and soccer is one of them. So if we score a legitimate goal, can you at least feign impartiality and allow the goal to count? I promise, we are sure not going to win the "World's Cup"...whatever that is. I'm not sure we even want to win it. Hygiene and all...

6. Stephen Strasburg's Debut Revisited - I finally took an hour this week to watch most of Stephen Strasburg's debut against the Pirates a couple weeks ago. Simply put, he has video-game-set-on-cheat-mode stuff. His high-90s fastball starts right down the middle and then runs to the corner causing lefties to flail and righties to get sawed off, assuming they even make contact. And this is what's really sick: his change up is 90-mph. Ninety-miles per hour change up. What a laugh. His change up smokes probably 50% of the veteran fastballs in the majors right now. But the difference between 90 and 99 is lethal. You swing to hit 99, you won't hit a ball coming in at 90 and vice versa. And the icing on the cake is his circus breaking ball that drops down an in to lefties - he can throw it for strikes or down out of the zone like a splitter. Curt Schilling knows a few things about stuff and he says he's never seen anything like what Strasburg can do. Like I said, I'm really looking forward to this young man setting the single-game strikeout record against us and whadayaknow - the Cards are in D.C. for a four-game set starting August 26th. 7. My Slumping AL Teams - I don't think any baseball fan over the age of six thought the Tampa Bay Rays were going to lead the AL East wire-to-wire and they can officially be re-classified as underdogs again. They are just a half game out of third place and both the Yankees and Red Sox are streaking by. The Twins were solid favorites in the AL Central but the resurgent Tigers are not laying down as they are just 1 1/2 games back and are 7-3 over their last 10 while Minnesota is 4-6. The Twins main problems? Like most teams, inconsistent offence is to blame. But the back end of the rotation has been mediocre, further complicating things - Kevin Slowey (4.58), Scott Baker (4.61) and Nick Blackburn (5.80)? Eeesh. Cliff Lee, anyone?

8. Step Right Up and Wreck Your Season! - Something has to be done about the All-Star Home Run Derby - namely, dropping it, forevermore. PLEASE, MLB: NO ONE CARES. A great majority of ballplayers who have participated in the derby have had bad second halves of the season and/or a down year entirely the next season. Many articles have been written about it already. The players are wising up. Albert seemed terribly gassed the second half of 2009 and had a big power outage. Jim Edmonds removed all guesswork by getting injured DURING the derby in 2005. More and more sluggers are bowing out. I'd rather see Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, Jim Thome and Barry Bonds have a "Bring Back the Juice!" home run derby promotion. Now THAT would create some interest.

9. Vogon Poetry or Watching the Cardinals Hit - I told my wife that it was a very, VERY good thing that I didn't watch the Cardinals' 1-0 win over the Blue Jays last night. Only after the game was over did I realize that Chris Carpenter got the well-earned win when the Cards scored in the top of the NINTH. Nothing like waiting to the last minute, boys! I'm sure I would have had to go to drastic measures to keep from spontaneously combusting had I watched the game live - the Cards left 11 men on base. Last night, at least, the culprits were Colby Rasmus and David Freese (two guys who have been positive contributors for the most part) instead of the usual suspects, Pujols and Holliday. Of course, the Cards got shutout completely tonight. Time to gnaw off a leg to maintain my sanity.

Willie's Bodacious Bonus Blog

Reorganizing the Divisions by Team Salary

Every so often I like to think about the aspects of baseball not tied specifically to how teams are playing or how players are doing (especially when the Cards are stinking it up or my favorite players are going 0 for 20).

Today I pondered: everyone wants parity in baseball, but parity is not based on talent (at least not in this league) - it's based on the almighty dollar. So if you want true parity, we need to divide the teams by salary. I have set up the divisions according to team salary and it jumps out pretty quickly how much more interesting baseball would be this way. Team salary had slightly more weight than geographic location and the cutoff between the "Haves" and "Havenots" is about $90 million.

Honestly, how have die-hard (if they exist) Blue Jay and Oriole fans not killed themselves yet? You wake up on Opening Day and your team's forums and blogs hot topic is "Will we finish 4th or 5th?". "You kidding? We're gonna be awesome this year - I'm saying FOURTH!!"

So many casual fans stay away because of such scenarios. They know the playing surface isn't level and they are correct. This remedies that problem. In a more fair division their team's record will be more representative of their team's actual talent. The Blue Jays could very well win the "Havenots" Central every year. Their biggest competition is the Reds and Brewers. That sounds familiar. Who did they essentially replace in that division?

Oh yes - my Cardinals. Not to pick on them, but how can you not: they are a big fish in a little pond, relatively. Put them in the "Haves" Central Division with the Twins, Tigers, White Sox and Astros and they would finish 3rd every year - maybe.

And lets be honest: a "Haves" East Division with the Yankees, Phillies, Mets, Red Sox, and Cubs would be a media circus all unto its own. The Cubs would continue to stink which is always fun. The Phillies would get some actual competition. And we'd at least get some national baseball coverage variety as opposed to seeing Red Sox/Yankees 24/7.

And if the biggest argument is that a weak "Nots" team would meet a powerful "Haves" team in the World Series every year, fine - seed all eight teams against each other and guarantee the best two teams meet for the title. And put the DH in across the board for all teams and put that argument to rest - finally.

Let's take a look at the new divisions and how the standings would look (keeping everyone's existing records) and who I predict would make the playoffs.

Haves East - Imagine the TV revenue! Are youse kiddin' me? Tell Guido: dis division is weh its at! Tawk about braggin' rights - Fuggeddaboudit! Seriously, let the rich kids beat up on each other. How is that not ultimately fair for all? There would be so much drama, even folks that live west of the Mississippi or south of D.C. would pay attention. The games will average four and half hours, though. The Yankees will still outspend their rivals here and the Phillies will muscle their way to the wildcard. Average team payroll in the division: a wallet-busting $158 million.

Haves Central - A fine division here. All have made World Series appearances recently except for the Twins and they could certainly make an appearance at any time now, considering their talent. The Cards would battle the Tigers all year long and relieve the glorious 2006 World Series (or gory-est, depending on your tastes). If the Rangers jacked up their payroll, we could put them here and give the Astros a geographic rival. The Twins are the class of the this division now and for the foreseeable future. Average team payroll in the division: a healthy "middle class" $103 million.

Haves West - Why does a West division always get to have just four teams in it? Historically, the NL West division title is up for grabs (while the Angles typically dominate the AL West) but the Angels have slid so this title is again, a toss-up. The Giants pitching will probably carry them to a title. Boy are the team salaries evenly matched here. Average team payroll in the division: a cool $99 million.

Nots East - Can you hear the fans from this division just cheering all over the eastern time zone? The spending "bullies" are the thrifty Braves, followed closely by the Orioles. The Rays, though, would probably have 30 wins already if they played in this division so everyone else will have to fight for the wildcard. The surprising Nationals could be up to the task as the Marlins and Braves, while usually competive, have struggled. The Orioles' record won't be as bad here, but - yeah - they'll still be bad. Average team payroll in the division: a modest $69.3 million.

Nots Central - Boy, does Toronto feel good about their chances in this division? Perhaps, but the Reds are on the right track and may give the Jays a run for their money. The Royals and Pirates can fight head-to-head to see who is the worst in baseball. See? Rivalries EVERYWHERE! Average team payroll in the division: a bargain at $64.6 million.

Nots West - Quite the low-rent district here, but some compelling baseball would be played. These teams for the most part all have very similar philosophies about building a baseball team - heavy emphasis on drafting and player development. The Rockies are the big spenders and more able to keep their talent longer, but this year the low-budget Padres are playing the best. Average team payroll in the division: a Blue Light Special of $58 million.