Solo Sexuality

When most people think of the term "Solo Sexuality", it probably has a negative connotation to them. I, on the other hand, have always found it fun, interesting, and often an exciting alternative to engaging in sex with someone else. Masturbation has always been one of my favorite pastimes.

"They say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." The same should be true when it comes to sex."

— Trysexual

As far back as I can remember, I was masturbating or thinking about sexually related things. I can vividly remember my first orgasm, as well as the other solo adventures that I've explored as an adolescent and adult.

Sex, quite honestly, is always on my mind, in one way or another. Whether it is being horny, thinking of my partner, noticing a girl's pantylines in public, or remembering a past interlude; it is just hard to escape the thoughts. Besides just me being highly-sexual, we are all bombarded with sexual images in TV and print advertising on a daily (if not hourly) basis, so it's hard to tune it out, whether we want to or not. These are just a few things that enter into the realm of solo sexuality in daily life.

Definitions for Solo SexualitySolo sexuality can mean different things to different people, I suppose. For me, I think of masturbation, being single, or being in a long-distance relationship, perhaps. For others, it could be a lifestyle choice, or a last resort to not having a partner. It could even be a safer sex alternative to those who deeply fear catching an STD. For that matter, it could be the result of having contracted an incurable STD and not wanting to spread it, or deal with having "the talk" with a prospective partner. These are some, but not all, valid conditions that fall under the "Solo Sexuality" definition in my book, and that doesn't make any of them necessarily a bad thing. It just is what it is.

I am, Therefore I masturbateThey say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." The same should be true when it comes to sex. If you are like me and have a healthy mind, body, and spirit, there is no reason not to enjoy sex just because you are alone. Masturbation and orgasm, besides being fun, offer many health benefits, reduce stress, and release endorphins, as well. It's my personal belief that regular masturbation can prevent health problems like prostate enlargement/cancer, impotency, insomnia, vaginal dryness, incontinence, depression, and the like. In addition, I feel it helps your mental well-being and concentration. Being horny, while fun, can be a distraction at work, or at other times when you need to focus on the task-at-hand. A masturbatory release can help relax and refocus your mind (and body). I also find that having a release before going on a date, as a male anyway, helps you relax and not worry about hooking up at the end of the night; it just helps you focus on other qualities that matter in a partner. She will thank you for noticing, too!

I often masturbate to help myself fall asleep or get things off my mind, but it is also a better alternative to cheating on your spouse if you are in a relationship with different sexual needs.

I am currently partnered, but I do still masturbate a few times a week. Sex is not always possible, and my girlfriend and I have different needs. An orgasm (or more sometimes) a day is something I try to make happen, one way or another. When I was single for many years, on and off between relationships, I often found new and exciting ways to masturbate or to add to the pleasure. I left few stones unturned in my hedonistic desires.

Creative Solo SexBefore there were Fleshlights and fake pussies, I was creating fake vaginas from everyday items around the house; it worked quite well, and gave me practice for my first time with a woman. I even incorporated condoms, so I could get used to the sensation. I also used vibrating massagers, electric shiatsu neck-massagers, various lubes, and whatever else I could find, to get myself off in a new and creative way. It brings a whole new meaning to DIY!

Although a shy person and introvert, I always sort of had an exhibitionist streak inside me too, for some reason. As I came of sexual age, I hid my changing body from family members, but when I got the chance, I enjoyed being naked around strangers. I enjoyed undressing in a public locker room, showering in public, wearing skimpy bathing suits, sexy underwear, and I even went to a few nudist resorts in my late teens and early 20s. I still go, when I get the opportunity. I would later masturbate, while recalling the events of the day. Before having access to porn, I was scoping out the panty and lingerie sections of my mothers Sears catalogs, and sneaking into department store dressing rooms to try on the sexiest underwear I could find. I still derive pleasure from buying and wearing sexy underwear. All of these things were arousing and energizing. I read every book and magazines on sex that I could get my hands on. Even reading fantasies in Penthouse Forums, that never entered my mind before, opened up new ideas and fantasies of my own. I always loved learning and wanted to learn everything I could about sex, but it also made for great foreplay and erotica, as a bonus.

Technology and Solo sexAs technology evolved, I explored the erotic digital-world. Before I could afford a digital camera, I was using a flatbed scanner to take images of my private parts to send to cyber friends and potential playmates, as well as to scan photos I had taken by professional photographers on film. Later on, digital cameras became affordable for average people, and I quickly was using them to take erotic photos and then stripping and masturbating on webcam for an online audience. I found it to be a total thrill; it gave me a rush of adrenaline and endorphins. I was hooked. That first day with a webcam, I came no less than 8 times! I was sore, too. I loved hearing compliments about my body, or being watched while masturbating by total strangers, while being totally uninhibited and having no fear of judgment or rejection. It was liberating. I loved knowing what I was doing was arousing others. I could safely live out some of my fantasies, within my own home, without fear of negative consequences. To this day, I still enjoy erotic photography and playing on webcams occasionally.

I have a vivid imagination and always have had many fantasies in my head. I often play them out, while masturbating. I will use multiple toys at once, while imagining I am having an erotic threesome, or that I am being watched. I explore taboo fantasies and fetishes alone, which might not be everyone's cup of tea. This might sound weird to some of you, but when you think about it, it is a safer alternative to being promiscuous for many reasons. I've also enjoyed masturbating in public (adult stores, outdoors, dressing rooms, bathrooms, pools, lakes, etc). I also found I really enjoyed masturbating with other people; this is another exciting "solo" activity, if you will, that is safe and exciting, and it does not have to lead to more.

Some of my early solo activities might have been the effect of being single and introverted, rather than just the innate choice to act them out. Out of necessity and circumstances, I found ways to live out my own taboo fantasies, however I could. I have always been very curious minded though, and sex was no exception.

Now, as an adult and since my early 20's, I've had fake pussies or Fleshlights, which are now my toy of choice, for masturbating during longer sessions. The quality of sex toys has really improved since I started using them. Since joining Edenfantays last year, I have rediscovered the joy of anal toys and, more specifically, prostate stimulation, which really adds to the pleasure of an ordinary orgasm. I usually use multiple toys at once now. Sometimes, when you are away from home or just need a quick orgasm, a hand will suffice. I incorporate these and other toys/lingerie in my cam shows, too, which always gets interesting reactions on sites like Omegle.com.

For the sake of time, I didn't really touch on pornography here. It goes without saying, though, that porn has become exponentially more accessible over the past 20-30 years too and certainly can enhance and encourage solo sexuality. Like all good things, in excess it can have it's negative impact as well, but that's another topic altogether.

SummarySolo Sexuality can sometimes have a bad connotation, if for instance, someone is married and their partner never wants sex, they masturbate in lieu of sex, someone masturbates compulsively, celibacy as a lifestyle choice, they have a bad body image that prevents them from being with others, or are unable to find a partner to have sex with, to name a few. It may be necessary, in some cases, to be solo. People may want to be solo voluntarily for many reasons not listed here, as well. I think, more often than not though, Solo Sexuality is something that can be celebrated and thoroughly enjoyed by most. It's a shame that some people's religious beliefs or upbringing, prevent them from enjoying guilt-free masturbation, or that their schools/parents don't want to discuss it. The world would be a better place if more people masturbated more often, in my opinion. Like all things, though, it should be in moderation.

Thankfully, there are places like EdenFantasys to help people maximize their solo sexual pleasure or explore using sex toys for the first time; not just for the selection of toys, but the supportive and informative community that it hosts, as well. I hope some people can view Solo Sexuality in some new and positive light after reading this article, too.

Comments

Great article, thanks! It seems we both couldn't get enough learning about sex, even before we were old enough to have it with someone else. I think your article was really well written & wish more were of this quality, especially when I read stuff that sounds like it was copied from Cosmo! However, I have read some really good stuff lately & hope this is a sign of the work they put into cleaning the place up.

I agree, masturbation is very healthy for body & mind! Even though I had a religious, strict upbringing, I somehow avoided any of the shaming & misinformation about masturbating. Although, it did take me a while to figure out what to do; boy, was I horny until then! If I don't masturbate now for a day or two, my body takes care of it while I sleep - I will awaken in the middle or end of an orgasm while dreaming. I think my body is used to the regular release & I have trained my subconscious or something!

With all the access people have these days to sites like this & online in general, I think it's even more important that positive ideas about solo sex are out there for them to find! So, good for you for having written this & leaving it where someone can read it & maybe change their attitude about such a basic human need.

You're welcome! Let me add that I think anyone who has made such a concerted effort to masturbate in new & varied ways, knows their body really well & is probably a better lover for it. So, here's to starting a rumor that self gratification isn't selfish, it's good practice & makes you a better lover! Maybe that would change the mass consensus?