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Friday, December 26, 2014

2014 has been quite the ride, and I feel like I've done a lot of treading water and barely keeping my head on the surface trying to keep up with it all. I've grown and learned a lot- emotionally, spiritually, physically, and as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. I'm thankful for all the crazy and everything I can (and still am) learning from it. If I had to categorize this year's lessons into a word, I think it would be serenity. Learning to come to peace with what life brings and enjoy it along the way is one of the most difficult, important things to master, and I'm just scratching the surface. Thankfully a new year doesn't mean I'm done- just a good time to refocus.

With serenity in the front of my mind, next year my theme will be living life simply, moderately, and on purpose. Of course the obstacles will always be there- that's life. But I want to learn to navigate them with equipped with a little more clarity and direction. Too often, I think about my time, resources, energy, health, priorities, and spirit and feel like I'm missing something or not using them wisely. So here's what I want to practice:

Time: I only have so many minutes in a day. Instead of trying to cram as many things into them as possible, I want to make sure to fill each minute with quality. I want to serve others. When I have spare time, I can use it to help people who don't (one of the greatest luxuries of being a stay at home mom). If I'm playing with Milo, I want all of my attention right there with him and really play. When I have a few minutes to myself, I want them to be used productively (let it be known that power naps are productive :)). When Trevor and I have time together, I want us to talk and use that time, because sometimes those moments get few and far between with all the craziness. I can use my time to beautify my home, or develop some wifely skills that still seem to have escaped me (cooking).

Resources: We don't have a lot of money, but I'm young and energetic and capable. I do not want a cluttered home or mind or anything else. Living in a small apartment, it's easy for it to feel crammed. I want to work on saving money, being more frugal, and decluttering my home. I want to use my resources (energy, time) to help people who need it.

Intellectual: Read more! I miss reading and I love to do it, but haven't in a long time. I want to keep learning new things and growing and developing as a person. I love to learn and I want to nurture that.

Emotional: I've been working on focusing on what I have and what's perfect and wonderful about my life instead of what's hard and painful, and I still have a ways to go. Along with this, I can't compare myself to every perfectly talented and beautiful wife and mother I ever run across (who just so happens to have 4 kids under 4). Everyone's life is hard in some way or another. Everyone has challenges that aren't mine. The best thing I can do for my own emotions is to count my blessings and not dwell on the hard things.

Health: My health has improved leaps and bounds from where I was last year. Overcoming an eating disorder is hard work, and that has taken a lot of my energy this year. Now that I'm in a more stable place, I know I need to keep that at the front of my mind while continuing to improve. More fruits and veggies and real foods from the earth. Less processed carbs and junk. More cooking and developing a repertoire of healthy meals. And continue having a good routine of exercise while working on inspiring my family to reach for healthy things first and exercise regularly. Go to bed early. Get up early.

Spiritual: Read scriptures with a purpose. Pray. Keep my mind clear of clutter and fill it with purpose. Meditate. Discuss spiritual things with Trevor. Remember always that God loves me and I'm his daughter. Keep the faith. Have inner peace.

Moderation: in all things, always. See also: serenity.

I feel good about this year. I have a lot to do and so many things to work on, but I think I'm starting from a good, sturdy place. I know that the more I work on myself, the more my family will benefit. And I'm always thankful for a fresh start. I'm ready for you, 2015!

Thursday, December 11, 2014

1. Please bless that Milo will be happy today. I can hear him talking in his crib. He's not yelling. This is a good sign. Also, it's 8:45 which is fantastic because he slept in for a full hour. Is it normal to be a little bit afraid of your toddler sometimes?

Yesterday was soo fun.

2. Trevor has a super intense final today. I may not be the student in this relationship, but we all feel the stress and pressure of school. If all goes well, we're staring at 5 weeks of having Trevor all to ourselves, and I can hardly wait.

I'm such a good study buddy.

3. Yesterday I drove through a herd (pack? Fleet?) of wild turkeys and deer. And I'm also almost positive I saw an alpaca. Who knew West Texas was so exotic?

4. Oh, and for funsies, let's throw in surgery next Thursday. Eeek. But if being put to sleep this time is anything like when I had my wisdom teeth out... that was kind of fun. Silver lining!

So much anxiety happening this morning! Milo and I should probably go shopping. Trevor: just kidding don't worry. I don't even like shopping.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Do you ever have those weeks where you feel like you're just worn out all day, every day? Last week was one of those for me. Waking up was torture, focusing was near impossible, and naps were inevitable. I blame the fact that I've been staying up way too late trying to be a supportive wife for my husband in the midst of finals (I can't sleep without him there. I guess this is what 5 years of marriage has done to us ;)). Needless to say, my to-do list has been growing, my apartment needed cleaning (thank goodness for the weekend- and side note- somehow on Saturday night I got all the laundry folded while Milo was awake. I mean what?? I promise it was a fluke). This week I'm bound and determined to get back on top of my game.

When I'm having low motivation, high demand days, I've found a few things that work for me.

1- Get back into my routine. Staying up late does not work out when you're up before the sun!

2- Don't eat within 2-3 hours of bed. This is a new one I'm working on, because I'm a notorious late night snacker. But I sleep so much better when I go to bed a few hours after dinner and don't have a pre-bed blood sugar spike.

3- Get in a good workout. You all know I'm a big believer in some endorphins, and I stand by it.

4- Pay attention to what I'm eating. When I eat too many carbs, I get a headache. When I don't eat enough protein, I get tired and hungry.

5- Keep the apartment tidy. Nothing makes me less focused than clutter, and last week was bad. Now I'm not saying that my apartment is pristine by any means, but Trevor fixed the vacuum and I organized some cluttered corners, so I'm feeling much more put together now.

6- Y'all know I'm a believer of naps. I would say probably 70% of the time, I take at least a short power nap while Milo sleeps. It makes all the difference in the world and is just the pick me up I need midday.

7- Make lists. I'm an avid list keeper. I have 3 separate lists in my phone that I can check off as I finish things, and a bunch of other lists saved as notes with things like groceries, wish lists, showings, invoices, and a myriad of ideas. I also almost always add a thing or two at night before bed, because we all know that as soon as my head hits the pillow, it's time for my brain to wake up and think about all my ideas and everything I need to remember!

8- Take time out. Milo does not do well when I'm trying to get too much done in a day. We play, a lot. He has spurts of playing well on his own where I can sneak in a few emails, but he's my number one, and since I have to drag him along on all my errands, it's important for him to know I care about what he wants to do too. And let's be real. I'd rather be playing at the park than preparing presentations or cleaning the apartment any day!

Take care of yourself this busy season! Stay healthy and alert and it will be so much better! XO

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

I'm so glad I keep this journal of me and my boy conquering the world. Sometimes I think back to months of Milo's life and the details of what we did every day are fuzzy, but I remember with complete clarity how it felt. This time last year, I remember that he was starting to try taking his first steps, but barely. He was climbing on everything and I put him in his Christmas jams every chance I got. He liked to crawl under the Christmas tree and get stuck behind the treadmill. I was still nursing him and clinging on to every second of the time I had with him in my arms. He still wasn't sleeping through the night. He loved (still loves) to laugh, especially at his daddy. There's something perfect about the goofy relationship between those two.

And now we have this year. And I don't want to forget any of it.Every morning when I get Milo out of bed, he says "uh-oh" until we reach back in and grab his lion and his blanket. He always wants to cuddle for a few minutes right out of bed (and I always want to cuddle for longer). He gets out his cars, then his blocks, then his train track, then his ABC puzzle. His favorite book is the one with cars and trains and airplanes. He loves having his milk in the morning, and he will stand at the fridge and say "mama" until I get it for him. He says please and thank you. He always wants to go outside, even when it's freezing. He grabs his shoes ("gshhhh") and has me put them on (I can always get free kisses when I'm putting his shoes on, because that's when he likes me most), and then stands at the door and says "ou-ide?". He loves to help me take out the trash and get the mail. He's the worst at eating, still. He likes cheese, wheat thins, chicken, cottage cheese, and bananas the best, but above all, milk.

He finally will hold my hand, but spends more time trying to get away than walking with me happily. He loves doing butt busters on solid ground. It's the funniest thing. He squeals when he's excited. He says "see ya" and "bye bye" to all the cars, and to anyone who's leaving. He says "daddy?" whenever he hears a car pull up. He gives good kisses, unless I've reached my kiss quota for the day. Then he smacks me in the head when I try. He loves when I stand behind him and sneak attack pull him in to me. Then he gets up, stands in front of me (facing away), and waits for me to do it again. He loves being thrown in the air. He will stand in front of me and say "one? two?" until I pick him up and throw him (repeat, repeat, repeat). I love the way he says, "there he is!" (which sounds like "ee-eesh") regardless of whether we are playing peek a boo or he finds a cracker in his carseat. He loves the bath. He helps pick up his toys at the end of the day. We start with the roads, then the legos, then the blocks, then the dinosaurs. He's such a good helper!

He finally loves reading stories. He will go grab one and stand at my legs until we read it. I am always game for story time! He is so silly. He likes to giggle at people. When he's praying, he peeks and laughs at everyone. He just can't hold it all in, and I love it. He makes loud car noises all through church. Nursery is hit and miss, but he does ok. I don't love leaving him, but I know it's good for him. I love how he gets shy in front of strangers. He has this sly little smile that he does when he's trying not to. When he dances, he does the Charlie Brown dance. You know the one. I didn't teach him that. It's all him. He loves carrying around his lion everywhere he goes. He throws things, and spins, and laughs, and jumps. He says, "oh wow!" like it's his job about anything exciting. He laughs when he pees in the bathtub. So do I. Can't help it.

He loves looking out the window, exploring, and playing. He's curious about the world and has to climb everything, push every button, check everything out. He likes me close and I like him close. He's cheerful and we can read each other like books thanks to the countless hours we spend together. He brings me more joy than I ever thought life could give. This boy of mine is just that- ALL boy. I wouldn't have it any other way. And then there's nights like last night (more often than not) that I look at him sleeping and I get overwhelmed by how much I love my munch. Watching him so perfect and cute and unique and special in his little santa jams. My heart just explodes, all the time. Being a boy mom is all it's cracked up to be. There's so much love here.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Yup- still working on this one. No- no good news. This month (after 7 months of hardcore treatment and 2 of clomid, following a year of just trying the normal way) we took a break from the drug part of the whole thing and just went au natural (and, not pregnant, as per usual). It's getting expensive and emotionally/physically taxing, and a break was the right thing while we reevaluate and figure out the next steps.

I went in to the doctor last week and he said that it's time for IVF, which is so not an option right now. My insurance doesn't cover it at all, and the whole process rings up to about $15,000-20,000 according to my research. Next best thing is surgery to look for endometriosis. Even though I don't have the symptoms, my doctor said that in cases of unexplained infertility like mine- where there are no definitive problems besides the fact that we still aren't pregnant- it's common to find endometriosis. When they do the surgery, if they do see scar tissue, they will be able to get it out of there and give us a better chance for the next month. He said after surgery, we can either try naturally because I'll (hopefully) be at my most fertile ever, or we could do the whole shebang again. And I said I want to hit it with all we've got, so it will be back to the medication and lots and lots of hoping and prayers.

Taking a break is... meh. I feel like I'm wasting time, even though we are still trying like "normal" people. Some days are a relief. It's nice to step back, have my hormones more in check, and be able to be rational about the whole thing while we make decisions. And the other half of the time, my heart is anxious and racing because time is passing so quickly. Milo's second birthday is basically staring me in the face, and I was going to be pregnant by Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and my birthday in June, and for that matter, Milo's birthday in March and Christmas of last year. But that kind of thinking never gets me anywhere good, and I have to just put it away. The hardest thing for me about this whole thing is trying to put that piece of my heart in the back, because when I think and hope and love as hard as I do, it hurts more than I can really explain. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe, I'm longing for another baby so badly.

Being a mom is everything to me. I want these days to last forever. And there's nothing I want more than to give my favorite little person a baby brother or sister (or 5 of each, please). But in the meantime, being the mom to one doesn't make me any less of a mother. And if I only get one, Milo is exactly the one I want, and I'm going to be the best mother to this sweet boy that I possibly can. I squeeze my little munch so, so tight and am completely in awe of the miracle baby that he is. The silver lining to all of this is really, really soaking up every second as a little family of 3. Milo gets all of my attention and our days together are heaven. These memories will mean everything to me forever. He's my whole world, if you didn't already know :). Now if only I could figure out a way to stop time and rewind sometimes so I could relive it all over and over.

So, that's the scoop. Still trying, and I'll be trying indefinitely until it happens again- and deep in there somewhere, I really think it will.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I don't think I have it in me to write any eloquent paragraphs (who am I kidding, I'm not eloquent). So here are some bullet points about the last few days, eh?

- Suddenly getting up at 6 a.m. was SO hard the last 3 days. May have something to do with the fact that I keep staying up way too late. Maybe this morning's rude awakening will be enough to help me get it under control tonight?

- Our car broke down. Again. It likes to do that as soon as the cold weather hits. But thank goodness, $500 and 2 days of fun ride coordinating later, we are back in business!

- My apartment is looking at me right now... with that clean me face on. That's the other reason this post is short and sweet. Or maybe it will turn out long because I'm procrastinating?

- Milo learned how to give kisses. Finally. We have been working on that for maybe... forever.

- Friday night Milo was wheezing, so I took him to urgent care. Strep. Antibiotics. Nebulizer. Much better now!

- It's almost Thanksgiving and Christmas and I am dying with joy. My whole family (minus brother in Brazil) for Thanksgiving. My other whole family aka Trevor's family for Christmas. YAY YAY YAY!!!!

- This morning I went to Target and they were unloading boxes on every aisle I needed to go down. Most irritating trip to Target ever and also Milo was SO not having it.

- I confess that I fed him pieces of a Hershey's bar to keep him content. Yes. I do feel guilty about it.

- It's cold.

- I decorated for Christmas on November 11th this year. This is a record for me.

- Trevor is 27! I feel like we are approaching to the ages of shame. Well he's there. I'm basically there. But 24 is still pretty much 20 right?

- I'm going through a phase of sweet potatoes and brussels sprouts. Could be worse, know what I mean?

- I opened an Etsy shop for my weavings. I only have one posted so far, but get ready cause this is exciting stuff. More on that later.XOXOXO and HAPPY Wednesday!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

If you're wondering why 80% of my posts are about toddler things, it's because I do toddlery things all the day long. Who knew one tiny little person would storm in and rule the Hansen home! I've said it before, but every time I feel like we've got a good groove down, he up and grows on me and learns 5000 new things while I try to keep up. Favorite little person mannerisms as of lately:

Everything is SO exciting when you're one. I will never get sick of hearing him say, "Oh wow!"

When I'm holding his hand and he goes limp so I drag him

The fact that he wants me to sit on the floor with him and play anytime we are home

Every wall, piece of furniture, window sill, leg, etc. is a road for his cars

When he knows the appropriate answers for things (and when he says "yeeeah" after I ask him if he wants to go night night and I know he means it)

The way he shakes and nods his head at the right time

He says thank you!

I'm learning very quickly that if I don't want something broken, I have to keep it out of reach. Destructo boy is fast and strong!

Christmas tree ornaments = toys. But I can't blame him. Most of mine are inherited from my parents and are cars.

We seriously need to work on volume control. How the heck do you teach a 1 year old what yelling is?

Grocery carts are getting difficult. He wants to run. Problem is that he won't stay by me!

He loves going bye bye

He loves puzzles, building things, and cars.

He gets shy around people he doesn't know and he tries so hard not to smile. His bashful face could kill me!

He is all boy. Sticks and dirt could keep him content for a lifetime. Another testament as to why toys are often unnecessary. Except for cars. Cars are necessary.

I'm seriously amazed at how many things he understands. I can basically ask him to get anything (Milo, can you get your shoes? Milo, can you climb in your carseat?) and he knows! And he does it! I know it sounds really elementary, but it's a big change from him not being able to do or understand any of those things. I think sometimes we don't give kids enough credit for how sharp they are!

Monday, November 3, 2014

Happy Monday! I'm slowly starting to recover from the sugar rush that was this weekend. As a stay at home mom, administrative Realtor, marketing specialist, and personal assistant, my weekends are often more busy than the week days because some of the hours Trevor is home (which are few and far between- we are seriously like 2 ships passing in the night sometimes) I'm able to be out and about playing catch up.

This weekend, that meant lots... And lots... And lots of showings. Cue driving, gps, appointments, and rescheduling those appointments while you wait for clients who forgot to calculate for a time change and you've got yourself a full day. Usually Milo goes with me, but now and then I'll get a marathon of showings on a day that Trevor is home, which was the case this weekend.

Ever since I started being a licensed assistant rather than an agent on my own, I love my job. It keeps Milo and me busy and together. And seriously, can you think of many jobs as fun as driving around helping people find their dream home and taking pictures of houses? I feel SO blessed that this has all worked out the way it has. I know I'll miss it when we leave here, and I'll look back on these days conquering the real estate world with milo and have really great memories.

Our other gig is helping out an extremely busy friend of mine with some personal errands. A few times a week, we go drop off and pick up dry cleaning, pick up prescriptions, go grocery shopping, make target runs... Whatever she needs. It's kind of perfect because it gets Milo and me out of the house and we can go do something we get paid for. Plus I love this friend and I'm glad we can do something to help her out! I'm all about mutually beneficial business arrangements!

Even though I had to show an abandoned slaughterhouse this weekend (ew ew ew I am officially still a vegetarian and will remain so forever), I'm feeling so lucky and blessed to have the work I do. It's kind of a miracle the way it's all worked out and doesn't take me away from Milo. After the summer of trying the agent thing and being sick to my stomach about it, I'm totally seeing now that it was worth it to go through school, I know I'm much better at admin/marketing than sales, and that this is how it was meant to work out. God knows what he's doing you know?

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Oh dear... it's happening. My sweet, happy, perfect baby-turned-toddler has feelings that are just too big for him to know what to do with. Apparently, the natural response is to a) squat and yell with hands in fists, b) hit/throw something/someone, or c) flail all appendages. And I'm all sitting here like, what do I do with that? Clearly this isn't an OK way to act, but I get it. I do. Sometimes when I'm frustrated I want to do all of those things too, and he hasn't learned a better way to deal with it yet (aka screaming into pillows- er- patience). Milo is still too little to grasp time out quite yet, and my gentle reminders of "Milo, ask nice! Milo, say please!" are taking about as gradually as molasses.

So what's a momma to do? What's the best way to help your toddler learn some discipline and not turn out entitled while still making sure they know that you're sensitive to their feelings and needs? How do you start teaching this to someone who's vocabulary doesn't stretch beyond an arsenal of about 15 discernible words? Tell me all your secrets!

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

My absence last week can be described by one thing: the beach (aka Heaven). We went to Galveston and stayed in a beach condo with some friends last week and it was perfect. Despite what I've heard about Galveston (that the beaches aren't so great and it's nasty/dirty etc), we loved it. I was so pleasantly surprised. Mid October is officially the best time to do Galveston (not that I've ever been at a different time :)) and it was a really perfect place for little ones because:- It was still warm enough to swim in the water (which is warm!)- The beach was shallow and there was tons of soft sand for Milo to dig in all day long- Low tourist season= super cheap condo rentals!- It wasn't crowded at all. We got to do everything we wanted to without having to deal with any traffic, which is definitely my idea of a good vacation.- We got basically the entire beach to ourselves.

We hit up the beach, aquarium, and a ferry ride, and I ran along the beach every morning and watched the sunrise. So cliche, but you really can't beat a sunrise beach run, can you?!

My brother and his wife came for a day from Houston and brought their new baby Zoey! I love her.

Sunrise... I could handle this view every day!

He fell asleep during the fairy ride. Equal to heaven.

Loved having a family vacation finally. And then yesterday it was back to work/school/life. And today I clean. Yahoo! :)

Monday, October 13, 2014

I've been waiting for the perfect occasion to take family pictures. And then on Saturday, I was all, this is dumb. Let's put on some clothes and snap a few shots by the lake. So we grabbed our tripod and camera and headed out. It took all of 20 minutes and it has me fully convinced that we need to do this way more often. We don't coordinate, we're not in any special family pose, our hair isn't perfect, and we're not in the best shape of our lives and therefore ready for the perfect picture day, but gosh, I love my family and I'm glad we can document our life.

This one doesn't count. I just love Milo. And he loves this book. And he doesn't love pictures.

This is what happens when Trevor doesn't know how the self timer works.

This is my whole heart.

And my sweet, sweetest boy.

Moral of this story: Take. More. Family. Pictures. It does not have to be a photoshoot. Just take some pictures!

Friday, October 10, 2014

... you get the crazy stomach flu. And a head cold. And your period. All back to back. All the same week as your sister. This is twilight zone stuff. And I don't mess around when it comes to the flu, either. I'm down and out for at least a full 24 hours, puking every 45 minutes, passing out intermittently. It's bad. Thankfully Trevor was able to come home early and Milo slept in late on the worst day- whew! Don't know what I would have done otherwise. Needless to say, I'm just about back to normal and feeling amazing (pounding head, sore everything, and churny stomach are 3 symptoms I can easily handle after all the crazy). Now let's all keep our fingers crossed that this lovely disease passes over my boys.

So I have 3 things.1) I think Milo knew I needed extra love and an extra good day when I was the sickest. He slept in, played by himself pretty well (I was helpless- it was all I could do to hand him a tortilla and banana for breakfast). He also took a super long nap (this boy is a champ. 3.5 hours no problem on the regular). And he gave me extra loving. Love him.

2. I'm officially in love with my loom. I'm an old spinster lady and I'm not afraid to say it. I get to weave whatever the heck I want into this blank canvas and after way too many failed attempts at sewing, knitting, painting, and a ton of other things, it's the perfect art medium for me.

3. Ninja turtle slippers. I have no self control when it comes to ninja turtle slippers for tiny feet apparently (and let's talk about how whenever I want stuff for Milo- such as the dump truck pictured below- they have to call the back. Um, yes, I'm looking for some ninja turtle slippers please? Size small? Yes, we will have those right out to you, ma'am).

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Dear poor neglected blog, I'm back for you. Apologies- things got a little busy last week when we gained 5 children overnight.

Dear Milo, you are a dream. Also please do not put pens in your ears.

Dear Texas, please get the memo. It is October, not summertime on the face of the sun.

Dear Halloween, whoever invented you was a genius. A holiday centered around dressing up and candy is totally my thing.

Dear Trevor, thanks for promising to help make my/our life dreams happen, and for cleaning my car last week. You totally speak my love languages.

Dear medication, you have been making me have basically one long hot flash for like 3 days straight. This is getting absurd.

Dear Pretzel Chips, you are taking pretzels to a whole new level, and I like it.

Dear Shellac manicure, I'm really excited about the fact that I had my nails done on Saturday and I have not one chip to speak of. This is unreal!

Dear HEB, thank you for having a $10 off sale on your diapers today. That was awesome.

Dear hair, I've spent the last 3 months trying to bring your back to life after a summer of bleach abuse. Minimal washing, maximum conditioning, very little heat styling, the works. This week, you are getting a dye touch up and a fresh cut and I am so. Excited. To wear my hair in different ways than a ponytail again.

Dear Milo, I'm sorry we waited for so long to get you a new carseat. It's just that you're so little. And you still fit in the infant carrier and were within the size limits. But now you have a new car throne and your little feet don't rub against the backseat anymore.

Monday, September 29, 2014

This weekend I ran a 5k and I LOVED it. I don't run many races because 1. I'm not that competitive, 2. They make me anxious, 3. I'm poor, and 4. I don't train specifically for them, I just shoot for a comfortable paced distance every day. But this one was free, and it's been a while, so I couldn't say no!

Most of the time I run, I'm on my treadmill before the sun comes up watching Netflix on my phone. It's kind of wonderful, but sometimes I'm kind of over it. My playlist that kept me fast this race (and this morning because it was just so good on Saturday- sometimes I'm totally in the mood for a music only, stare at the wall kind of run!):

1. Dog Days are Over- Florence + the Machine

2. Bang Bang- Jessie J

3. Promises- Nero

4. Sail- AWOL Nation

5. Octahate- Ryn Weaver

6. When I Grow Up- PCD

7. Salt Shaker- Ying Yang Twins

8. Shake- Ying Yang Twins

9. Thinkin About You- Mario

10. Kill- Jimmy Eat World

11. Work- Jimmy Eat World

12. Girls Chase Boys- Ingrid Michaelson

13. Still Into You- Paramore

14. Knock You Down- Keri Hilson

15. Hollaback Girl- Gwen Stefani

16. I'll Never Let You Go- Third Eye Blind

17. Oil and Water- Incubus

18. Get Low- Lil John

-----

I may not be competitive with others, I am competitive with myself, and I wanted to prove that my 6 miles a day are worth it and my hard work has paid off. I went into the race hoping to run it in under 25 minutes, and was really surprised when I finished in 20:55! I know this isn't fast compared to tons of people, but for me, it was awesome.

Is it crazy that running makes me a little emotional sometimes? I started tearing up a few times during the race. I know. Mostly I was thinking about how hard I've worked to get to this point, and how thankful I am to have my health and strength back after too long of being in the pit of an eating disorder. I always ran then too, but now I feel strong and able and honest. I've worked hard for every muscle, every bead of sweat, and every heartbeat. My lungs were on fire, but in a good way. I was breathing deep and felt good the whole time. Running can get a little surreal at times when I'm in the zone, and I think that's what keeps me lacing up day after day, year after year. I love running, it's a huge part of my life, and it's (finally) for the right reasons.

Also is there anything quite like seeing your 2 main men waiting for you as you cross the finish line? Oh, my heart.

You do know this means I'll be looking to beat my record at the Turkey Trot now, right? I've officially rekindled my racing bug (read: occasional racing bug. It felt so good but also so bad if you know what I'm saying! My legs!).

What are your must-haves on your running playlist?Mine could change daily depending on my mood! I run to the most random stuff sometimes. See randomness exhibit A above :)

Friday, September 26, 2014

I love this happy, sweet boy who looks exactly like his daddy.I love that he is needy enough to make me feel needed.I love that in the morning when he wakes up, he yells out "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?" in that sweetest little voice until I come get him.I love that he wants to play with me all day long.I love how clever he thinks I am for putting a cup on my head or covering my eyes with blocks.I love how transparently happy he is when I open the door to play outside.I love how he says "night night" when we put him to bed (and keeps saying it after we walk out).I love his concentration face- scrunched nose and furrowed eyebrows. It's so good.And I love, love my best friend and hot hot husband that I get to do life and forever with.I love that we not only do life together, but we laugh together and love being together. I chose my love and I am (still) so, so in love with my choice.This is the good stuff. This is what it's all about. I never could have known what I was missing before these two boys came along and filled my heart until it overflowed over and over again.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Milo had his first puddle jumping experience the other day. This little boy was in Heaven!

Yesterday Milo had a little runny nose, so we stayed close to home for the morning. We ventured over to the park across the street before it got too hot like we usually do. Milo ate lots of rocks like he usually does.

Those blue eyes could kill me!

My happy little jungle boy in his element.

Naptime lasted almost a whopping 4 hours, followed by filming a house, picking a birthday present for Aunt Sarah, picking up his sippy cup we left at a friend's house on Sunday, snuggling, and more playing. He's so much less stuffy already this morning. It always makes me happy when he's under the weather and can get a good nap. Those things are miracle workers!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Short version in case you missed it: Last spring, we carefully weighed the options, prayed a lot, and made the decision that I would get my real estate license and hopefully be able to make more income while still being full time mommy. Over the beginning of summer, I studied and did all my classes online during nap time and at night. Got my license in the very beginning of July, and then have had nothing but rustling leaves ever since. Showings here and there, but otherwise, radio silence.

It was starting to make me a little sick, knowing that we had invested all this time and money into something that felt like the right decision at the time but just wasn't happening. I (naively) hoped that the full time Realtor thing would kind of fall into place, and all the stars would align and I would magically have clients. Not the case (as everyone warned- go figure). It started to become evident that if I really wanted this to work out, I was going to have to give up time with Milo to attend trainings 4-5 times a week, call complete strangers and beg for business all the time, invest even more money into my business, and hope that eventually something would come of it. After some not-so-difficult soul searching, I knew this wasn't what I wanted. At all.

So this week, my partner/mentor/teacher proposed that I be his licensed assistant. I've been doing administrative work for him for over a year, and I love it. It's clear cut, creative, flexible, and there is virtually nothing I can't do with Milo, in the evenings when Trevor is home, or when Milo is sleeping. Now that I have my license, I'm able to do even more tasks than I could before, thus yielding me more hours and him more business. As soon as he explained this option to me, I literally felt the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe again! The pit in my stomach disappeared in a second and I knew so easily that this was the right move. This is what an answer to prayer feels like. I'm so glad to be working with someone who supports my decision to be with my family and doesn't make me feel like I have to defend it constantly, because I just don't feel like I should need to.

Yesterday we made it official, and I slept better the last 2 nights than I have in a couple of months. Being first and foremost a stay-at-home mom is a decision that I have never once questioned. The thought of considering another option makes my heart start breaking. I brought my baby into this world very much by choice, and I worked hard to get him here! He is my world. I would so much rather look back on these student years and know that we were just barely scraping by but we were attached at the hip, than to remember them as the days I gave up my sweet time with my one little Milo. Being a stay at home mom may not be the popular decision for families, but it is without a doubt the right decision for mine. I don't feel undervalued, and I don't feel like I'm giving anything up, quitting, or failing. If anything, I feel like I'm gaining my life and my peace back. I feel so incredibly blessed to have found work that allows me to do that, because the other side of this coin is that me not bringing in any income isn't an option for us right now either. I've worked really hard to make this happen, and I'm so, so thankful that after all the wondering and hoping and trying to figure things out that I'm seeing that becoming licensed was worth it, and that it is all working out.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

It may look familiar to you because I put it on him first thing every time it gets out of the wash. It is my favorite. He is so soft and snuggly and cute in it and the day he outgrows it will be a sad day indeed.

I never do this with my own clothes. I'm an avid cycler and rarely wear the same thing within 2 weeks of each other. With Milo it's a different story!

I have a thing for one piece rompers, as you well know. The other day, my brother said, does Milo have like a million of those one piece things? To which I replied, yes. Yes he does.

You can't blame a momma for wanting to soak up every day with her kid looking as cute and snuggly as possible, right? My baby may not be dressed like a baby gap model, but he is always warm/cool enough, comfy, and just the softest little cuddle bug.

Side note. Anyone ever get your baby dressed and then change them because you want to see them run around in something cuter all day? I do it more than I'd like to admit! I can't waste a day on an outfit I don't love holding/seeing/playing with him in.

That's all for today's installation of kind-of-crazy-mom-stuff. Tell me I'm not the only one?!