REAL Marriage Tips

Pay attention! When you “pay attention” to your spouse you invest in him/her for what he/she means to you and does for you. You are investing in the one person, other than yourself, who most wants you to succeed. Investment in your spouse, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually leads to a better life for both of you.

Manners matter! Use your manners with your spouse. Often we treat co-workers, customers, and even strangers better than we treat our spouses. Remember to use your manners and treat your spouse better than co-workers, customers, or strangers.

Hug and kiss your spouse every day. Most of us have heard that a person needs X number of hugs per day. What X is depends on the research you read. They all agree that hugs are good for you.

Here is my recommendation: Hug your spouse at least 10 times per day for at least 10 seconds each. It may seem like a long time to hug but it is a big investment in your marriage. Kiss your spouse at least 10 times per day. Some can be quick, some medium, and there needs to be one or two long kisses each day. Click here for a description of types of hugs and kisses.

Assume the benefit of the doubt with your spouse. Believe that he/she means well.

Clarify what you hear and what you see. There may very well be good intent in what you hear or what he/she is doing. Your spouse may also be dealing with something that could use a loving response from you.

Explain your expectations. Let your spouse know what you can do to help or what you think and feel about what is going on. Keep it focused on reaching mutual goals. One of those goals, stated or not, is likely “we want to love each other and enjoy being with each other.”

The “R” is Romantic, which is a “we” mindset. You are in it together. The “E” is Encouraging which is a manner of speaking to each other. Say or do something that will encourage your spouse, from his/her point of view, each day. The “A” is Adaptable which is a way of working together. Sometimes we have to adapt what we are doing to be most effective. Be adaptable. Finally, the “L” is Loving which is a habit of doing for the other. Do something for your spouse each day that he/she will think is nice or helpful.