I’m 23 and I’ve just heard from a family member that my dad isn’t my biological father. I was conceived through sperm donation. I confronted my parents about this and it’s true.

I’m having a hard time coming to terms with it. The thought that I may have brothers and sisters out there, as well as nieces and nephews that I will never meet, is so heartbreaking, as is the thought of never knowing my biological father. I have so many unanswered questions, and it’s as if I feel half complete. I don’t know who I am any more. I know nothing about my biological father’s family or medical history.

I have been considering trying to find out more through a charity that helps donor children find out their history but I’m very scared that I won’t be able to find anything.

My dad can be quite insensitive at times and often upsets family and friends with his comments, but I love him very much.

No one would ever take his place but I just cannot help wanting to find out.

Coleen says..

First of all, remember that it must have been heartbreaking for your parents to learn they couldn’t conceive and for your dad to go down the donor route must have been hard.

There will be a lot of men out there who wouldn’t consider it because the child wouldn’t be biologically his. But your dad wanted you very much and loves you very much. It’s irrelevant to him that you don’t have his genes.

You also have to come to terms with the fact that you may not find out anything. When you were conceived, donors could remain anonymous. It’s only been since 2005 that sperm and egg donors must be prepared to be fully identified and traced when the child reaches 18.

As a first step, get in touch with the Donor Conception Network (www.dcnetwork.org), which has lots of good information online for donor conceived adults, as well as a young person’s support group.

As far as your dad goes, you really need to let him know that you love him but are also confused. He perhaps doesn’t sound like the easiest of people to talk to as you say he can be insensitive, but persevere. Once you get over the initial embarrassment or awkwardness, it’ll be easier.

This is a big thing to deal with, so don’t keep it inside. Talk to your friends and family about it and seek counselling.

But hang on to the thought that your parents wanted you so much, they went through treatment to have you. And your dad has been a great dad.