Monday, August 17, 2009

Australian Humor

A friend sent me a forward with the note that these questions were posted on an Australian Tourism website, and that the responses are answers by the officials. Here are some of them!

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK )

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.__________________________________________________

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.__________________________________________________

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.________________________________________________

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.__________________________________________________

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not....oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.__________________________________________________

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)A: Yes, gay night clubs.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Oh my, that is so awesomely funny! I love people with such a sarcastic wit! I have always wanted to go to Australia...this cinches it! Of course, just imagine how many times they've answered those questions that they are now at the point of being silly!

@Anonymous, thanks for the additional laughs. Great way to start a Monday at work!

I have been asked about Kangaroo's hopping down the street by a yankee

When I told a Pommie that I lived in the countryside he said, "oh! but i thought most of Australia had no electricity" - I politely said that was true 100 yrs ago and my computer doenst run on petrol (he logged off the game we were playing suddenly - dont ask me why)

and the cruelest thing I've ever done is tell a tourist that Vegemite was sweet.

Una and Aymless-- I've come across those misconceptions too! I stayed in Kansas (gah) for awhile and discovered that everyone believes Californians are all Vegan. Now I'm in New England, missing sunny California.

Hello you. Here this is my favorite joke:) There I come from Germany, and had to translate this joke first of all, I hope, nevertheless, that he is still as amusing.

After every flight pilots fill a form on which they inform the mechanics about problems which have appeared during the flight, and which require a repair or a correction. The mechanics inform as a countermove on the lower part of the form the pilots about the fact which measures they have taken in each case, before the airplane starts again. Here some discomfort and problems which were submitted really thus by pilots of the airline QANTAS. In addition the respective answer comment of the mechanics. By the way, Quantas is the only big Airline with which there never was a fall.

P: Tyre must be almost renewed inside on the left.S: Tyre almost renews inside on the left.

P: Test flight OK, landing with autopilot very hard.S: Landing with autopilot does not instal with this airplane type.P: In the cockpit something is loose.S: We have fixed something in the cockpit again.

P: Dead beetles on the disc.S: Living beetles in the remains of delivery.

P: The autopilot leads in spite of setting on "height keep" to a descent of 200 fpm.S: Unfortunately, we cannot understand this problem on the ground.

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