Husband not pulling his weight

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ktmfern wrote:

Ok, so my husband and I both work full time. I usually take care of EVERYTHING in the house. Literally all he is asked to do is take the trash out and cut the grass. Meanwhile, I cook, clean wash dishes, wash, fold and put away clothes, go grocery shopping, take care of the dog, etc. Today I asked my husband if he could cut the grass Bc it’s going to rain tomorrow and he won’t be able to. He’s acted like such a baby about me asking him to do that and got pissed Bc I wouldn’t come off of it. But literally he has to do that like once every 2-3 weeks. Meanwhile I’m exhausted and have kept our house pretty clean.

I’m just getting really worried now Bc we will be having our first baby in oct and I’m just thinking “great, just more for me to do and one more person to clean up after.” And I’m going to have to work after the baby too, so I just feel so overwhelmed. I don’t know if it’s just the hormones or what but I want to cry every time I ask him to do something now Bc it’s going to be a fight.

He was an only child and his parents baby’d him and never had to lift a finger growing up. And tonight he will get on the phone with them and complain that I made him cut grass and they will all just act like I’m the meanest person ever... 🙄

my husband was pretty babied by his mama and I do everything around the house as well! So I was nervous but it was recommended to me take a prenatal class more for the man, it seems more real for them! And in the class they focused on women’s mental health and baby blues! As soon as our baby was born my husband was an absolute rockstar he did everything he could to help! I def credit the class to bring to his mind how many different things a women goes through and how much the partner needs to have their back to help get them through!

Long winded story!! Guess what I’m trying to say is husbands don’t always listen to us but they will listen to someone else!

I feel ya. pregnant with my 2nd, our 1st is 16 months. I do almost everything for our son, plus all the laundry, shopping, cleaning etc. I told him he has to at least take care of HIS dogs, but nope, somehow that ends up my job too. and then he leaves his garbage and food wrappers; dirty dishes strewn about the house for me to pick up. I'm completely fed up and don't know what to do about it either. wasn't sure if crying every night was that or the pregnancy hormones either haha

I’m sorry 😔 I know, if I have to pick up any more trash or clothes of his I’m going to go nuts I think. It’s a busy time for him at work right now and I know he’s working hard at work, but it’s not like his “chores” are an every day occurrence. We will see how it goes once the baby gets here. He swears he wants 3, but somethings will def need to change before I agree to that. Haha

My hubby tries to get away with it. He can whine and complain and get mad all he wants, he’s doing the damn dishes. I work way more than him and do way more than him around the house, if he can’t do the simple things I ask for him to do.. he can move out. I didn’t get married to have a sloppy roommate and I made the clear from the very beginning.

I’m also a no bullshit low tolerance person. He’s usually good about doing what I ask after a few complaints.

When we first moved into our home he was so excited about having a huge backyard and grass... but that didn’t last very long, because I found myself mowing the lawn when he won’t do it. So I put my foot down and told him to hire a landscaper and turn our grass into turf! I couldn’t be happier with that decision lol

My husband is the worst about laundry so i started separating all our laundry and basically went on strike with his. He couldn’t fight it anymore when he ran out of socks 😂 and he’s the type that gets annoyed and sighs at the slightest request so i just went silent and let him deal with it 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 he got the hint real quick. it sucks having to go that route but it can be effective. i saw another poster about how her partner always left empty cans everywhere so she lined them up in front of the tv so he had to throw them all away in order to see lmao!!!

Well it makes me feel better than I’m not the only one I guess... he’s going to have to step his game up on some of this stuff. Or I told him he can get another job to pay for a landscaper and a maid Bc if he doesn’t have to cut grass then I’m not cleaning

Sounds like you need a chore chart. Add his one chore to the chart and both take turns doing everything including you do the mowing.

Frankly either that or tell him you are going on the 3 weekly mow and he can do everything else!!! He just doesn’t realise what you do ans wont loft a finger until you put your foot down.

My hubby used to get so confused as to why i gor cross with him and night and he once said “why are you angry we are getting ready for work/School tomorrow”. I said “no YOU are getting YOU ready for work then you sit down and do nothing where I have to get me ready plus our children ready for school, then cook tea then bath the kods and put them in pajamas ehilst you sit on your backside complaining that im not spending time with you.” After that i NEVER had another issue again he is hands on getting everyone ready and doesn’t sit down till i do.

I should have known my husband was going to be bad when his mom sent me a chore pad. Maybe you should get one and put who does what so he sees the disparity between chores? It really isn't fair and you shouldn't let him do it to you. If he doesn't change after doing this, I'd tell him "I'm disappointed in your taking on household chores with me. I feel like I'm being worked too hard at home and with the baby coming, it really scares me how much extra I'll have to do. I will be only taking care of my messes, laundry, and other household chores." https://knockknockstuff.com/product/do-your-chores-pad-2/

I kept doing it after our first but I shouldn't have. After our second I lost it. Trust me have this conversation now before it gets worse. Give him a couple things to do on the reg. Like being in charge of the dog and maybe dishes. My hubs does half the laundry now, and most of the dishes. He even cleaned the bathrooms the other day when I asked (13 years and that's a first!) you need to change the expectations, it's better than a meltdown later

I got pretty upset yesterday and yelled and yelled and yelled so much that I'm still tired and feeling physically awful from the exertion. Because he doesn't do his part around the house. And he thinks of he does one thing, he's done me the gift of a lifetime and expects gratitude and praise.My mom says I should suck it up and just accept it as being a wife. Ugh.

That was me after our first baby. 6 years later he's the one that cooks dinner for the family on work nights and cleans up (I get home an hour or more later). He's in charge of groceries (he mostly orders online but who cares). There definitely was a few year struggle for us to get to this point and it the wake up call happened after our second was born. We do have an au pair so she does the kids laundry and unloads the dishwasher which is a huge help. It takes time (maybe years and lots of struggle) to get to a point where life feels more balanced but its possible!

are we twins?! LoL I’m the same way! My husband doesn’t complain anymore. He was VERY sheltered until he met me and then right away I started “teaching him” to be a grown up. He lived with mommy and daddy waaay too long, where as I had to learn how to take care of things at a very young age. I think that’s where the low tolerance stems from. But, you go girl! They are our partners, not our children.

You wash his dishes? His clothes? Pick up his messes? Uhhhh... why? If you’re both working full time, wouldn’t it make sense for both of you to clean up after yourselves to make it much easier? You’re babying him, that’s why he’s acting this way. Stop doing everything for him and let him figure out how much he took you for granted

I stopped doing my husbands laundry, and my step daughters, and only do mine and my sons. I stopped making the bed, seems small but it drives him crazy and I stopped doing the dishes. If Ive had a long day I order take out for supper. And Ive stopped bringing his daughter to gymnastics. Sounds petty but I literally was doing EVERYTHING at home, with the two kids and working full time. And to top it off he was critcizing everything I did. I also took my son and left for 10 days out of province and said I wasnt sure if I was cominv back. Its seemed to have worked, because he is much more attentive and helps around the house more. We own a buisness, Hes very busy and is on call 24 hrs 7 days a week so I get that he sometimes doesnt have time or motivation to help, but Im not his maid/nanny/errand girl and thats how I was feeling. If he cant at least appreviate everything you are doing then its not worth it. I love my husband and step daughter but I didnt get married for this. I wanted a partner, I ha e no probkem picking up the slack when I need to but slso need to be confident that he will do the same for me when this baby is born.