Government loves to be involved with everything. And the intellectually honest can sometimes even make a good argument for this. However, I believe that even the best academic may have trouble justifying the need of 18 new twitter accounts that fall under the TSA.

As part of what looks to be a massive information campaign by the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), TSA on Thursday announced the launch of 18 new Twitter accounts. If that seems like a lot for one organization, that’s because it is.

The author, Carlton Purvis, goes on to ask 8 questions in regards to this waste of taxpayer’s money. Purvis keeps the questions bland, because, well, how much life can you pump into such a lame topic? The TSA’s overall justification is that people want and need region specific information. Which is fine. But the TSA has turned into an association that produces facepalms more than anything else.

If the TSA had the ability to be honest within their ranks, as well as the rest of the country, they should be focused on posting their own screw-ups region by region. When a TSA employee takes a sex toy out of someones luggage and tapes it to the outside of the suitcase I want to know where that happened. And so do others. That way if we are travelling with a similar device we either know what to expect or may decide to change the packing location to an orifice.

Perhaps you are travelling with a bratty child and want them to experience the wonders of what Mark Levin calls a “soft tyranny”. A regional update from the TSA may provide you with the exact location where child harassment is being conducted. Hopefully you get their before the offending agent takes his union mandated break. But what if your 18 month old child is already well established in the ranks of Al-Qaeda? Obviously she doesn’t have a website that th3j35t3r can take out. Only the TSA can put a stop to that trained militant.

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The Final Solution

Obviously 18 twitter accounts for the TSA will not be enough. No matter what the agency does or how unpopular it becomes the likelyhood of them adding more twitter accounts (or social media accounts for that matter) is eminent. In Carlton Purvis’s article above the TSA says that people are “understandably interested in the airports that they travel through“. No shit. Air travel can be nerve-racking. Everything from parking to take-off can be pure hell. Since we all know that, and there are more than 18 regions in the country, the TSA will expand its online presence.

The final solution to the growing TSA problem is simple. Compulsory participation with the TSA’s social media accounts and a mandatory minimum activity for each adult in the United States. All cell phones will come preloaded with a TSA app that automatically links to all of your social media accounts. Since the forwarding of messages and updates can be automated, and your cell phone is sort of a gps device anyways, you will automatically broadcast the TSA’s updates on your social media accounts. This way they can reach everyone in the US with minimal effort.

You don’t have a decision in the matter but you wont need to have one. The decision will already be made for you. Because you’re a dumb-ass. Didn’t you know that people are “understandably interested in the airports that they travel through”? Of course you did. So compliance won’t be an issue. If it becomes an issue then we have room for you in the federal prison. Health Care block may be full of people awaiting trial for non-compliance but TSB (Travel Security Block) still has a few vacant cells. And if they fill up too fast they will just put two to a cell and you can share one with the guy who dared to wear an Anti-TSA shirt.

We saw this coming during the 08 election. And I think the defining moment that showed that government was truly confident in taking over the people was when a local government used what was called by residents “full military operation” to shutdown a bonfire on the 4th of July. Hummers, helicopters, bomb squad, and even a command post set up nearby. A local government only gets this type of confidence when their big brother has already gotten away with bullying other kids in the neighborhood.

I wish I could check out the republic and offer a clean bill of health. Instead my recommendation is to find a priest. Fast.