Saturday, November 30, 2013

Ground Control to Major Tom

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, of all places, about miscommunication and its affect on, well, EVERYTHING. Family get-togethers that include my husband AND mema usually have something along this line happen: mema says something (anything), husband says “oh, but that's not actually correct, it's this...”, mema doesn't understand the correction only that she's being corrected and she considers the gauntlet thrown and she will not be defeated, husband didn't intend this reaction (debatable, if you ask me), but he will not be defeated either, so they continue back and forth. Really, you guys? Husband – she has no idea what you're talking about & you're fully aware of that, doesn't that mean, on some level, you already won? Just shut up & celebrate in silence. Mema – you have no idea what he's talking about, so why are you arguing an argument for which you have no basis to argue? Just ignore him entirely, go poke the baby & enjoy at least ONE moment in life.

Mema is never wrong and Yobo knows everything LOL Communication barriers be damned - if you want to argue with someone, you will find a way to communicate just enough to misunderstand each other so you can argue. It's been suggested several times that maybe I should bust out some alcohol to smooth over the problem, but, yeah, no.
This is one of many scenarios that encourage me to keep the two separated. It's kind of hard though when mema INSISTS he show up everywhere. I understand that she wants everyone to be together to “celebrate” milestones, holidays, etc., but is it really “celebrating” when your guests don't actually want to be there? In my birth family, absolutely. My husbands family, on the other hand, is very much the opposite. The only requisite events were harvest, Thanksgiving, & Christmas (farmers). The other events were kind of fluff, make if it you could, but no one was butt hurt if you couldn't attend. I never knew anything other than mema's way, so I just always went, usually begrudgingly, to everything she wanted. Sometimes, yes, you'll have a good time if you just go & let yourself; but, believe me, sometimes, you really should have been allowed to just stay home. I know, some people think we're weird – I never “make” Yobo attend events other than Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's (New Year's is big in my family).
The bigger problem with the requisite holidays is actually the fact that they come with time minimums, e.g. you must stay for at least 4 hours. Her preference is 6, but you could easily make a reasonable argument to leave after 4 hours. Holidays with Yobo's family are more like come over, do what needs to be done, and BAM! you're out in like 2 hours. It's been strange trying find balance between the two different families. So far, what I've found is, on the holidays Yobo does attend, bring him, eat, be merry for about an hour, take him home, and come back. This seems to fulfill requirements without being too overbearing. Yobo is not a fan of crazy loud family time (and my family is definitely crazy loud), so this gives him a dose of it, but allows him to go home & find silent solace before the Moose & I return. How do you find balance amongst different family types & traditions? Do any of you have a similar situation? Do you drag your spouses along anyway? Or did you marry someone who willing goes to all your family events with you?

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Ground Control to Major Tom

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, of all places, about miscommunication and its affect on, well, EVERYTHING. Family get-togethers that include my husband AND mema usually have something along this line happen: mema says something (anything), husband says “oh, but that's not actually correct, it's this...”, mema doesn't understand the correction only that she's being corrected and she considers the gauntlet thrown and she will not be defeated, husband didn't intend this reaction (debatable, if you ask me), but he will not be defeated either, so they continue back and forth. Really, you guys? Husband – she has no idea what you're talking about & you're fully aware of that, doesn't that mean, on some level, you already won? Just shut up & celebrate in silence. Mema – you have no idea what he's talking about, so why are you arguing an argument for which you have no basis to argue? Just ignore him entirely, go poke the baby & enjoy at least ONE moment in life.

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