Wednesday, November 24, 2010

(In 16 years, this poor child is going to make his parents' lives a living hell, and/or become a minimalist.)

With the Thanksgiving holiday now upon us like an oversexed turkey upon the back of a nonplussed Dachshund, it is incumbent (or, at the very least, recumbent) on me to announce that I will be taking a short leave in order to tend to various matters, including but not limited to spiritual exploration, non-blogular work projects, routine life maintenance, and of course amateur food stylization. I may even buy an artisanal axe and amortize the considerable cost by going door-to-door and asking my neighbors if they have any wood in need of hewing.

This leave will commence as of the end of this post and it will continue through next week, after which I will return on Monday, December 6th with regular updates.

Speaking of reminders, I'd also like to remind you that Bicycling magazine, the periodical for which I pen a column ("pen" is pretentious for "scribble in crayon") is having a contest to find the best amateur bicycle mechanic in New York City, which you can read more about and enter here:

Moreover, I've somehow been wrangled into giving the "play-by-play on all the action" at the actual contest on December 8th, so if you like "play-by-play" and "action" I hope you will attend the contest. I'll also do my best to bring along some items to give away, like maybe some of my coffee, or even a half-empty package of cotton swabs.

By the way, I was amused to note that, like a typical SUNY school, Bicycling require a half-assed essay from all applicants:

In your essay, tell us in 250 words or less "Why should you be picked to compete in the Bicycling Magazine Bike Repair Challenge?"

250 words on why you should be allowed to help Bicycling promote their book may seem like a lot of work, but if you're as lazy as I am you'll note the key here is the "or less" part, and if I were entering the contest I'd probably go with something simple like this:

Because Nostradamus foresaw it.

The fact is, people don't invoke the prophesies of Nostradamus as much as they used to, which is a shame because they're just as relevant, profound, and persuasive as they were back in the 1500s. Also, that's pretty much exactly what I wrote in my SUNY application, and while I'm not saying they actually let me into the school I will say that at least I have a column in Bicycling magazine, so there you go.

Having gotten all that out of the way, I'm now pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, consult the prophesies of Nostradamus, and click on your answer. If you're right (and if you consult Nostradamus you will be right, since he predicted everything) you'll see confirmation, and if you're wrong you'll see another offroad recumbent "edit."

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and have a great holiday (even if you're not of the American nationalityway).

Silly FixieHook people. The bike is obviously mounted the wrong way. "For all to see and envy" you need the drive side facing your guests, so they can rub against it and grease their clothes. Plus they love it when you show the cog.Happy Thanksgiving, all! (this greeting also being sent back in time to Canadian friends)Enjoy the Snobbatical, BSNY -- I know my boss will cause he'll get more work out of me...

My dearest and most cherished Snob (may your fixie remain fixated for decades to come), since Ms. Mooney became a shill for Floyd Landis, Specialized, and the other companies that sell overpriced stuff most of us don't need, and since your column was the only thing worth reading in the whole mag (unless they do a nude centerfold of the Fit Chick, which technically would involve less reading and more . . . well, you know), I don't subscribe to her mag. But I would offer this advice: a contest for the WORST mechanic who nevertheless manages to keep upright and rolling would be much more interesting. Just how many miles can you ride on a worn-out chain? How many more times can you patch a tube whose surface area already has a ratio of tube-to-patch that has definitely shifted toward the patch end of the scale? Does duct tape have any useful application in the repair of brakes for fixies or other inherently unsafe two-wheeled conveyances? The answers to all these questions would be much more interesting than awarding a prize to someone who's figured out that WD40 and lemon Pledge do wonders for a bicycle chain, or at least give it that fresh citrus scent that all the girls just love.

Just as soon as "they" start paying you those big bucks for this Blog, you start going all "Hollywood" on us. Next thing, you'll be telling us that you're going to take off six weeks to do "Dancing with da stars"This sort of "crap" has to stop. The last time that I had a day off was back in 1977, If I remember correctly. (and that was only half a day, to sell one of my kidneys)

Listen up, Bub-I have this voice in my head that says some funny shit from time to time but mostly it says something about my being better than you because you've never owned a custom bike. I would love to make this online image of myself as an oracle of style and substance but I don’t have the fucking chops toback it up.

Sincerely,Some fat 40 + year old wannabe witha Serotta and an iPad to post online, who unfortunately doesn't have the right to call himself a snob. Maybe I’ll go write a feel good book about something stupid. Oh wait, I don’t have the talent.

and wtf snobbatical?, it's a freakin' bike blog for lobssake, just preload a few days in one of those hoopty phones and dump them each day and violin! folks think you're "workin'" and get to doze off into triptophan coma/slobberville with snobbish thoughts still rebounding in the general space 'twixt their ears.

Judging by the global mountainbent craze which has thoroughly infused pop culture in recent years, it seems that people find deep appeal in misappropriating cycling equipment. I have even heard stories recently of a few groundbreaking individuals that have taken to commuting and touring on brakeless track bikes! These examples demonstrate that there is a strong demand for bikes that make riding more difficult than it needs to be. Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to redesign the personal pedal powered vehicle from the ground up, drawing inspiration from the track bike and the mountain recumbent in particular. Please now cast your eyes upon the future of cycling: The Recalcitrant. Or, 'trant for short. ce

Hey snob I just visited NYC with my bike. parked in jersey and rode across gw bridge and down central manhatten and into Brooklyn to visit a friend. The roads where filled with salmon and cars parked in the bike lanes and pedestrians standing in the middle of the bike lane stairing as I swerved into traffic to avoid them. All in all it was a blast I crossed Brooklyn and wburg bridges and road a total of about 40 miles in a 24 hour period. Riding in traffic was fun as shit and I found myself filtering through long lines of autos like a smooth ass mother turkey . Thanx for the inspiration and street smarts. I followed most traffic laws and was amazed that I was the only one practically. But if I lived in NYC I would be riding 30 miles a day enjoying that crazy ny ambience and of coarse the million hot chicks from around the world half of whom are wearing those tight black pants that are so in style. I'm jealous of u natives but enjoy it ride hour bikes

I guess i dont get trying them off smooth straight trails/roads, instead of your arms and legs taking some shock your whole body is taking the hits...odd indeed...however getting more curious to try a bent...ie cheesrolling :)

I hear through the grapevine that Snob has amassed a large fortune. Snob's blog and his shameless intellectual whoring over at Bicycling Magizine along with shrewd investments in far eastern pre-school labor pool market has rendered Snob wealthy. Wealthy enough in fact to set up a trust fund of which he is sole benificiary. Right at this moment Snob, now known at Articus is riding a fixie in Brooklyn and sneering at the full carbon soy milk dupes who enabled Articus to become a PBR swilling Camel smoking Meatatarian.

Thank you for letting me to be viewing your verynicely curated blogosphere, I am having many things to be thanking you for. I will be now starting to be reading your blog on a curent basis as I am laboring on my thesis. I am having a question though, what does AYHSMB have a meaning for?

I think we will all agree life goes on without BSNY. Sure at first I was worried, but it's been a few days and I haven't heard about cycle cross, axes, knuckle tattoos. I'm starting to feel a lot better about myself and my outlook on life has improved.

Here is a funny mtbr thread to help pass the time. It's nowhere near as good as we are used to getting here, but it does feature a broken bike, lots of finger pointing, an insufferable web site, some cocky hipsters learning a hard business lesson, and a lot of bad jokes. There is even a long winded (but smart) lawyer in there. Nothing that approaches Frilly mentioning Reddiwhip, but then this place is unique in so many ways...

i know not why guys grab their junkiness as i'm not one of those who does such in public for no apparent reason. the staid norms of utility or pleasure are mine own reasons for self-crotchal invasion...that and speedo adjustment.

exactly bgw, that's why we're going nuts with the overcommentariat just now. it's training (not junk mileage) for the multicultural timeout upcoming--where we develop a rhythm/cadence/pace with which to overload this wretched corner of the interweb.

just stinkin' the place up yo.

like the sheepherding dogs do when left alone in the apartment all day (somebuddy fetch a video).

when the cat is away...

(looking like an easy double century now--congratulations and accolades to recumbent conspiracy yo.)

The last week most likely had you facing the reality of 'having a life!' Sucks doesn't it? Hopefully on the morrow you will be able to sit at your pc or blackberry, etc., and pounce. Your podium posting victory meaningless to the rest of the planet, though a crowning moment of glorified greatness enabling you to live another day of tortured schitzoid dementia. PEACE

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!