I might not make many friends with my beliefs but here are my thoughts

I am an adopted child. I had a hard upbringing, had a lot of pain brought about by my adoptive family. I even tried to commit suicide several times as a teenager. And with all that never had I ever had the thought that maybe I would have been better off never being born. I was willing to die but not at the expence of never having lived.My teenage mother had that "choice" and chose to live with God in her heart and held me to term and then gave me away to a family they felt would be good for me. My mother made a wise decision in something she should not have had to decide. The option should have never been there. Had there been no way to get an abortion she would not have had to sit up at night wondering which decision she would make. My cousin wouldn't be sitting 17 years old, pregnant, and wondering if she had made the correct decision in keeping the baby growing in her stomach. These thoughts wouldn't even occur to her if the option wasn't there. My mother, what if she had done that? I wouldn't exist, I wouldn't have brought the love, friendship, and helping hand to all those I care dearly about. The love of my life would still be wondering aimlessly for his soul mate never knowing that person had been destroyed before existance. My heart breaks thinking of all the murdered children who will never bring joy to the lives of others, who will never see all of God's miricles, never play, never have a favorite food, or favorite activity. What if that person was meant to be a great leader or a great friend?

We create the urge to murder and destroy innocence. If we were all more open to unfortunate circumstances, more tolerable towards our own childrens misdisgressions that could turn into beautiful and wonderful mistakes that open up families and turn even the sternest grandfathers into piles of mush at the sight of their newest family member. A child not only has the ability to complete your own family but if the timing is not right or the money isn't there you can make someone elses life complete through adoption. People who say, "oh but how can you as a mother, carry a child and then give them up, what a terrible person you are." or "I don't think I could give my child up for adoption, so Ill just abort it" yes, yes, encourage murder over abandonment. LISTEN TO YOURSELVES!!! Listen to how much you sicken the poor maternal figures out there who long to have children and can't, and you sit there and take your gifts and abilities for granted. Or the ever present belief that "There are too many kids in the world without homes." Which is true....of older children shoved into foster care. In the United States there are lists miles long of families that want children and not enough babies given up for adoption. I know because my adoptive parents were on those lists, waiting years and years until a baby was available. Better birth control options, family planning solutions, education. All these things can help lower the need and want for abortions.As for rape. I saw someone say when they were raped they had an abortion. Its a disgusting notion that you, a victim of a terrible crime, would create another victim of the situation. You went from someone who had been victimized of rape to a culprit of premeditated murder to the most innocent of beings. Get off your high and mighty horse thinking that people are going to sit and feel bad for you, like being raped constitues losing your morality. Two wrongs do not make a right. That child didn't rape you, that child didn't hurt you, that child is not the reasons for your nightmares or the reason you look behind yourself in the dark....if anything that child would hold your hand and say "Don't be scared mommy."

So don't give people a "choice" to murder at their own disgression. If the "option" wasn't there, yes some people would go about trying to purge their body of the life regardless....but a majority would either give the child to deserving parents or suck it up and raise the baby. Ive seen many many young monthers come in and out of my life, and often, those who didn't want the baby or wanted an abortion but decided too late happen to be some of the best mothers I have met and can not imagine thier lives without the one person who will love them unconditionally. In fact I have some children in my life that I can talk to in 10 years and tell them, your parents are great people because of you. Ive seen drug addicts never want to touch a drug again because of their children, people who used to have crime in their life refrain from unlawful activitiy because of their fear that their child would have to grow up with them behind bars. Not everyone is going to make a wonderful turn around with their lives but you should have faith in the human spirit and heart and in Gods guidance that everyone has the ability to do good.

with all that being said I do find in necessary to add that there is one cirumstance where I do believe abortion can be considered as an option....if the mothers life is in danger.

Everything seems fantastic right now. I know it won't always be like this but Im just going to bask in it while I can.

First of all, my excitement and happiness for Barak Obama becoming the next president, amazing. The night he was elected I had some very personal heart to hearts with two of my black friends that touched me so deeply I was in tears especially when my friend told me, "Ya know, my whole life my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be....and everyone else told me yea, thats kind of true, I could TRY to be anything but realistically there would be doors in front of me that can never be opened. President of the United States? The most un-obtainable goal" then he broke down and tears were comming out of his eyes, for the first time he since Ive known him he was shaken by his emotions, "Now I can tell my kids, my mom was right we can be ANYTHING and everything. There are no closed doors in our lives."

Then in my own personal life, I have my upcomming engagement (the ring is being sized) to announce to everyone...Its like my dream come true, a person I love more than anyone on earth loves me just as much back and we are going to plan out the rest of our lives together. Its like waiting everyday for the next step. First the actual engagement, then an engagement party in a few months, then planning the wedding, then in a year actually having the wedding.....and then the next step, God willing have kids.

Both of us can't wait to be parents and its really important to us to do this the "right way". Getting married and then having children, and raising them in the Church. Which now days seems so odd, his parents weren't married when they concieved his oldest brother, my birth parents were still teenagers, his cousin who lives with us was just 16 when she found out she was pregnant for the second time (she had a miscarriage the first time), one of his brothers has a child with a girl he dated very briefly and now hates, and our friends seem to be having kids left and right with no regard to family stucture. And while it works for all of them I am looking forward to stability and organization within my future family.

As for my comming wedding. Im scared to death, not for the party or the ceremony or the fact that I am going to spend the rest of my life with someone. Im scared of how my parents really have the potential to step up to the plate and be the parents I need them to be or the ability to abandon me once again when I need them. Chances are, the latter. I really do want them at my wedding, I want my father to give me away, I want them to be proud of me and happy for me. I want them to come see the life I made for myself and have faith in me that I can make this work. But chances are they won't come, because the service will be in a Church...a place they won't step foot in. And because the man I will spend the rest of my life with is Catholic, and even worse I had converted to be Catholic as well (I have never spoke to them about my religion after I left home). But a little part of me shamefully wants them not to come. Its true, I do want all of what I said but on the other hand, seeing me getting married will be the ultimate disappointment because they will think Ive turned my back on my upbringing instead of thinking that I have advanced myself, have more faith than I ever had before, and have truely found happiness. Instead they will see me in a Church, taking Catholic vows, a large cross tattooed on my back and probably make a scene.

Just to enhance my post before I wanted to add this pertaining to my own Pro life view and my support of the Obama-Biden campaign. This is what he stated, and I think its the best response a pro choice candidate can give regarding abortion rights, even if I don't agree there should be a "choice"

From the debate last night

Obama: Yes, let me respond to this. If it sounds incredible that I would vote to withhold lifesaving treatment from an infant, that's because it's not true. The -- here are the facts.

There was a bill that was put forward before the Illinois Senate that said you have to provide lifesaving treatment and that would have helped to undermine Roe v. Wade. The fact is that there was already a law on the books in Illinois that required providing lifesaving treatment, which is why not only myself but pro-choice Republicans and Democrats voted against it.

And the Illinois Medical Society, the organization of doctors in Illinois, voted against it. Their Hippocratic Oath would have required them to provide care, and there was already a law in the books.

With respect to partial-birth abortion, I am completely supportive of a ban on late-term abortions, partial-birth or otherwise, as long as there's an exception for the mother's health and life, and this did not contain that exception.

And I attempted, as many have in the past, of including that so that it is constitutional. And that was rejected, and that's why I voted present, because I'm willing to support a ban on late-term abortions as long as we have that exception.

The last point I want to make on the issue of abortion. This is an issue that -- look, it divides us. And in some ways, it may be difficult to -- to reconcile the two views.

But there surely is some common ground when both those who believe in choice and those who are opposed to abortion can come together and say, "We should try to prevent unintended pregnancies by providing appropriate education to our youth, communicating that sexuality is sacred and that they should not be engaged in cavalier activity, and providing options for adoption, and helping single mothers if they want to choose to keep the baby."

Those are all things that we put in the Democratic platform for the first time this year, and I think that's where we can find some common ground, because nobody's pro-abortion. I think it's always a tragic situation.

Most of you would think....hmmm white, pro-life, Catholic....this must be a Mccain supporter!

No no my friends, the republican party will not be getting my vote this year. Yes I actually voted for Bush in the last election, I couldn't vote in the one before that but in the last election it was what I thought was the lesser of two evils and we had already endured 4 years of Bush so what was 4 more?

Now Im a little older, a little wiser, and a little more critical of the kind of person I would like to envision running this country.

I look at McCain with De Ja Vu....ok as he pointed out last night "I am not President Bush" Yes sir you are right, your older, even more out of touch, and you actually believe the Bush was right about his foreign, domestic, economic policies....At this point even Bush can see how much of an idiot he is but you? you think that no child left behind works, that vouchers for school are ok when it still leaves out the majority of the students.

The only thing I can even relate to him on is the fact that he is pro life. But if any of you listened to the debate last night Obama is right on target, regardless of our beliefs toward life I think everyone can agree that we need education for birth control (not the pills, but actual birth control) We need to educate women and men and show them that if one finds themselves in an "unwanted" pregnancy that there are options other than abortion. There is financial help, school programs, or adoption.

Senetor Obama gives me hope and a renewed pride in this country. He lifts people up as he speaks, I believe in him, in what he says. Maybe he will raise taxes, wouldn't you rather have higher taxes and a better life or pay minimal taxes resulting in deteriorating schools, lack of funding for the programs that we rely on including public assistance, public transportation, money to fix our roads, our parks, fix this darn economy.

McCain wants to help big companies and corporations and falsly think that the money with trickle down to me, listen up people Im just above the lowest of the low, Im poor as dirt. Im college educated, straight A student, a hard worker, responsible, reliable and still can't afford an apartment, still can't afford to feed myself, I have to sleep at my job so that I won't have to pay to travel. No one in my family owns a car, and we don't live in a city where we can walk everywhere, we live in the burbs. Maybe next door to you, struggling without anyone noticing that 6 months ago we (13 members of my family) didn't have a home at all and not one of us has health insurance. What jobs give out insurance anymore anyways? McCain wants to help those who are like .2% of our population. Yay! Tax breaks for big gas companies! Give me a friggen break.

I just need to vent, because yesterday I was watching some clips on people actually telling McCain that they don't "trust" Obama and were "scared" of him comming to presidental power. Why is that exactly? Wasn't he trustworthy enough to be in the Senate? Like do people think Obama fell out of the sky one day and decided to be president? Hes a politician, thats his job. He isn't trying to take over the world, hes trying to be president for a few years and change our lives for the better...Just like McCain thinks hes doing.

And Sarah Palin, she happens to be the most unintelligent out of them all. Honestly, if I was going to say I distrust a politician and feared of their power shes the one Im scared of. Shes already abused her governing power for personal gain and she has no control over her family how could she possibly control a country?? And while you may think thats a low blow and thinking that comment stems from anti feminism you are quite wrong, because if Barak Obama's daughter was 17, pregnant, and the baby's daddy just dropped out of high school to support them I would be questioning his ability to run a country also. And as someone who has grown up with mentally disabled family members and friends with similar family situations I can't see how you can give birth to a down syndrom child only months ago and abandon 4-8 years of that childs life to persue some spotlight is disgusting. Again I would say this of a man also, down syndrom children need constant care and attention from their parents to help them flourish....not to be handed off to older siblings and the secret service. I think she comes across as rude, sassy, and spiteful. Her sarcasim is a complete turn off, it doesn't make her seem witty, it makes her facetious (facetious def- lacking serious intent, can not be taken seriously). I don't care if your a hockey mom, what does that mean anyways? That you go to games and cheer on your children, does being a hockey mom give you some super power that enables you to run a country? I guess its one of those comments that derive from the logic that your state is kinda sorta near Russia, in a really stupid far off way and that warrents being well versed in foreign affairs. By the way with that Russia comment that she came out with, does she realize that the part of her state that comes 2.5 miles away from Russia is frozen tundra and almost uninhabited...think of it this way, Eastern Russia, which is Siberia to the pacific ocean, is an area half the size of our country in which the population there is equal to half the population of the tiny state of NJ? What are they gonna do....send nukes from a frozen abandoned wasteland to another frozen abandoned wasteland?? I thought to be a politician you had to have common sense, tact, and a clue about what your talking about. Leave it to Sarah Palin to completely destroy that idea (even more so than Bush had done)

So vote for Obama, because we need someone with a brain and a clue running this country.

In those darn Forums again, just trying to read some opinions on random things and I see one about Christians thinking they are morally superior. Which once again I came across 30 + pages of arguement after stupid agument of basically 3 people going back and forth trying to knock the other off their superioristic pedestal so that themselves could climb up on it.....and here is my response

Really? I just tried to read almost 30 pages of rediculous arguements....which is quite annoying

especially the Jew Christian arguement.....because last I checked the earliest Christians were Jews so if your blaming the Jewish people for things that happened hundreds of years ago you better check your own liniage.

So now I will offer my own opinion.Every religion thinks that their own religion is morally superior to others. I personally was raised Orthodox Jewish by family that adopted me and am in the process of converting to Catholosism....not because I think its superior but because it falls more in tune with my own beliefs and I am drawn to it in a way, maybe because I was born to a religious Catholic family even though they couldn't care for me.

So I have seen a lot of how people act in both religions and have heard what they teach and I will tell you that both religions have moral fanatics, moral slackers, and people who feel extremely superior to everyone else.No religion can be superior morally, there are too many hipocrits in this world like Jews that speak out about proper modesty and then go out to a night club in a mini skirt because they know they won't run into anyone who "counts".....the same with the Christian that preaches abstinance but has pre marital sex "because they are in love".

Making a blanket statement over a religion is why a large part of the American people blame all Muslims for 9/11, for the radicals that come into the media spotlight and skew our vision from what is really going on in the heart of that religion which is actually peaceful instead of war crazed.

So instead of pointing fingers at other relgions, and essentially blaming the moral woes of the world on another religious fraction whos customs fall away from your own you should be taking into account a persons core beliefs no matter what their religious background. Eacher person should be held responsible for their moral actions, your religion is just a base of where it should come from. No one should feel superior or think that their life or religion is above anyone else. In actuallity Moral Superiority should be an oxymoron, for to be a moral person you should be humble and modest in your ways not screaming from the rooftops how great you are and tooting your own religious horn.

I saw one of the discussions on a board of what people think Gods gender is.....

I hated trying to read it because eveyone thinks that they are RIGHT and start an aguement about it, which to me seems fruitless to try to change someones opinion. But here is what I wrote on the board, Ive had many discussions with Orthodox Rabbis on this matter seeing how I went to Yashiva for many years growing up and this conversation always popped its head in, Ive also discussed it with Catholic religious figures that I have been meeting on my Catholic spiritual journy.

God was given a gender in the old testimate bible to humanize "him" (her, it, whatever)Males were considered, and still are by many (mostly males) to be the stronger, more dominant sex, and when wanting to portray God people didn't want to associate "him" with a lesser, more compassinate, seemingly weaker entity that encompasses a general view of females especailly of the Judean society that both the new and old testimate draw from. And as Jesus says "Our Father" he means our chief parent, our bread winner, our disciplinarian, our protector....all jobs that had chiefly fallen on the male.

With that being said I was also taught....this is all of people's doing. That God is not male or female or hemaphrodite, because God is not a sexual being. People and animals were given sexuality for the sake of procreation, of which God needs no organs of a sexual nature to fulfill. God is above sex and gender and encompasses all of it within "himself" but still can not be considered a hermaphrodite because again your trying to sexualize a sexless being. God didn't need to have sex with the Virgin Mary to have Jesus, he needed a vessel not a mate to obtain his perfect son Jesus.

At the end of it, I believe all of that but when trying to picture God I do picture a male entity....I was raised Jewish and in my parents house growing up we had a painting of an old rabbi probably supposed to being Akiva, with a long beared bent over a torah scroll, sort of looking like a religious version of father time.....and thats what I always pictured God as, that old man on my living room wall. And now in my Catholic faith I sill think of that picture especially when speaking of God as being our father.

Yesterday took a lot out of me. I went to my RCIA class for the first time. It was actually scarier than I had even imagined. Living with Social Anxiety is a lot but usually my fears are unfounded and I laugh at them later....last night was frightening, and intimidating, and made me want to cry. Everyone else was scared also, I could see it in their faces and heard some of them whispering. The couple sitting next to me are engaged to be married and I heard them whispering, "Im going to kill my brother, he should have warned us about this." the girl giggled nervously and said, "maybe it will get better."

I have no doubt that it will indeed get better, that after two or three weeks I may even be comfortable enough to add to the discussion. I just sort of wish there had been an ice breaker, we did end 45 minuets early so we could have had time in the begining or end for one. The girl sitting next to me seemed nice, but my anxiety stopped me from speaking to her. And the girl across the circle reminded me of myself, petite, young, blonde, just as intimidated and frightened as I was, but she warmed up a bit by the end....and coincidently she is the only other person than me in our class that is being baptised. Two previous members of the group from past years were there, very talkative, trying to make things a little smoother but I think they frightened me the most.

I kept trying to tell myself, let your guard down, these people aren't judging you, they just want the same thing you do, to better themselves or to teach me how to better myself but my heart kept pounding wildly. I kept saying in my head God, just let me get through tonight so that I can get through next week, and every week after.

Today Im spent, I got back to work around 2am, woke up about a million times until 7am and Im still at work now...exhausted. I did have some time today to reflect on what we spoke about last night in class, thought about it a lot today actually. I also wrote an e mail to the Deacon to tell him of my anxiety and worries so that he doesn't take my silence in class as bordom or disinterest. And...Ive been thinking of who I want my sponser to be.

I asked Christopher if he would be my sponser and he said yes, but he thinks everything is a joke and Im afraid that if I bring him to the classes he would judge everyone and make smart ass remarks like he does to anyone older and wiser than himself. Like I told him I wanted to buy him some nice sweaters so that when we go to class or church he can look proper and he got angry....yelling that he doesn't have to change himself for anyone. I didn't intend to make him change himself. I just wanted him to look extra nice to do something as important as this is for me. I don't know. I rather have someone who is more in tune with the religion, who actually believes and cares....especially caring about how special this is supposed to be.

Im very very nervous!!! Today I start the RCIA program. Im actually more like terrified but in a really excited way. Only scared because ya know, new place, new people, new experiences.....but excited that I can further my learning of the religion and Jesus. So wish me luck for tonight, Ill write about it tomorrow371d36d75e05eda735858f8e467be99c

Even though he has been a bit of a jerk the past few days about giving me a hard time over my fears of going by myself to religion class I know I can always count on him <3

He came up with the suggestion last night that I'll take the bus home from work but instead of getting off at my normal stop he is going to get on at that stop and take the ride with me and walk me into the building and help me find the class... That made me feel so so so much better, like a huge weight was removed from my shoulders. While Im at class he is going to take a walk over to Erics house for a while and come back after to walk the mile home with me (the busses stop running before that).

Im just so thankful that he is in my life. I love him so much. I definately think it was in Gods plan that we met that night at Melissa's birthday party....

We met two years ago at my best friend's birthday party. She was turning 21 and didn't want a club or bar party because then she wouldn't be able to celebrate with her younger friends of which we had many. So we went to a local area called the Sand Pits to have a bon fire, music, talking, and some alcohol so we could make smore shots. I didn't want to go to the party, my ex boyfriend and I were fighting non stop on the phone that night, I had nothing to wear other than some unflattering jeans a few sizes too big so I had to tie a scarf around my waist and since it was cold I was in a black zip up sweatshirt with the ugliest shirt on underneath....but my friends were not going to let me miss the party, my best friend would be miserable if I didn't show up. Well word had gotten out to a very random group of boys from a near by town who didn't know my friend at all, never even heard of her. In that group was one boy, barely 18 and heartbroken. He had spent months never leaving his house, his friends were worried about him because ever since they had met him years before he had always been the life of the party, friendly, outgoing, a little wild and after that girl left him he wasn't the same. So they were determined to get him out of the house, with a little trickery they convinced him to come out to hang out with some friends......which was actually a plan to go to a party of a girl they never met to be with people they had never seen before.

When they had gotten to the party, my friends briefly glanced at them a bit annoyed that we had not invited them but it was a public area so we couldn't tell them to leave. I was bored with the people there and I am quite outgoing myself so I went over to the one standing closest to me....ironic that the heartbroken girl would go over to the heartbroken boy and not any of the others. We talked for a few moments and he went over to his other friends saying "Ok, you guys can talk to any of the girls but the little blond one, thats mine". We spent the whole night by eachother, he was charming, and good looking, and so so sweet. The first thing that really got me about him was that he kept telling me how beautiful I looked, but you could tell by his voice and his face that he wasn't just throwing out lines....he really thought I was beautiful in my baggy jeans and my oversized zip up. By the end of the night he had kissed me and whispered in my ear, "your going to be my girlfriend one day".

I thought, wow, this guy is so sure of himself. So I gave him my cell number, expecting him to lose it or just never to call. He called me the next morning, "I want to see you tonight" and he did. Within a few days he asked me one night, "So you just want to make this official? Because I don't want anyone scooping you up before me." He took me home to meet his parents within days, eventually I moved in with his family.

I can honestly say I knew I would love him from that first night, and two years later that love has multiplied by a million. I can't go a day without his love. God gave me my soulmate at the right moment in both of our lives, we saved eachother from months of depression, misery, and the idea that neither of us would be happy again. But something made his friends randomly find out about that party, made him come out of the house with them, made me speak to him and not the others, made him call me the next day, made us fall in love with eachother. I can't be thankful enough for that.