5. The Only Sensibleand Safe Hair Oil.—The following is considered a mostvaluable preparation: Take of extract of yellow Peruvian bark, fifteen grains; extract of rhatany root, eight grains; extract of burdoch root and oil of nutmegs (fixed), of each two drachms; camphor (dissolve with spirits of wine), fifteen grains; beef marrow, two ounces; best olive oil, one ounce; citron juice, half a drachm; aromatic essential oil, as much as sufficient to render it fragrant; mix and make into an ointment. Two drachms of bergamot, and a few drops of attar of roses would suffice.

I think it would take more than a couple of drachms of bergamot to counteract the camphor and beef marrow so I’ll give that sensible and safe hair oil a miss.

because we have enough trouble with the various odours that leak from our patients as it is.

there’s so much in this book that I hardly know where to begin. nursemyra found the section on table manners particularly relevant to the gimcrack because food is a major preoccupation for most of our patients

15. Should you find a worm or insect in your food, say nothing about it.

well luckily most of our patients have pretty poor eyesight, so they probably wouldn’t notice if we garnished our meals with little critters. of course our kitchen staff adhere to the Food Safety Act so worms and insects generally don’t make an appearance on the menu. sadly the same cannot be said for food that patients keep in their rooms. or things that patients keep in their rooms as food.

Lionel has been with us for a couple of years now. he’s fairly normal except for his habit of eating lizards. it’s a habit that nursemyra tries to discourage but we can’t keep him under surveillance all day long and now that the warmer weather is here Lionel’s been hovering around the garden at frequent intervals. he mostly eats them as he catches them but yesterday we found a couple hidden in a biscuit tin, awaiting their fate as a midnight snack

we released them back into the garden and tried to console Lionel with some snake lollies instead though I don’t think they provide the wriggly effect he so enjoys.

A syphilitic person in always dangerous although apparent well. He often has a sore mouth and his spit is as dangerous as that of a mad dog. The bite of such a man will develop a chancre and any pipe, cup, or tooth pick which he uses, or his kiss, will give syphilis.

The clap plant likes to grow in the linings of the openings of the body where it is dark and warm and moist where it causes a catarrhal discharge called Clap, which is easily smeared on hands, towels, handkerchiefs or by actual contact.

It grows well in the eyelids, causing great damage and often blindness. Many babies get the clap plant into the eyes during birth, from the mother, and unless treated within a few minutes after birth, have sore eyes and go blind, a terrible calamity to the child

The clap plant also grows well in the cavities of the joints, causing rheumatism and crippling; it grows in the heart, sassing valvular heart disease, which is incurable, and also in the generative organs of men and women, causing self made eunuchs and childless wives.

When a young man is “sowing his wild oats” he is really planting in his own body thesyphilis and clap plants, and the harm will be greater than any other crop. He will reap it in days of bed ridden misery, and possible sudden death. Ho will reap it in bitter hours by the bedside through the illness and death of his wife or in her long years of ill health. He will reap it in little white coffins, idiot babies. blind, deaf and dumb, sickly and stunted children.

The best way to avoid venereal diseases is to keep away from lewd women, and live a clean moral life. It is said by medical authorities that sexual intercourse is not necessary to preserve health and manly vigor, and that the natural sexual impulse can be kept under control by avoiding associations, conversations, and thoughts of a lewd character.

Seek good companions like your mother and sister. Keep away from John Barleycorn. He always wants to turn you over to a harlot.

I’m still getting lots of foot fetishists stumbling into the gimcrack. recently I had my best day ever, yet it’s only the loyal few who leave a comment. why is that? sure, nursemyra has lots of scary appliances, but most of them are just for show and some of them are just for the eeewwwww factor

The feature that makes the Pussy Foot even better than an actual foot is the pussy located on the sole of the foot. You can passionately fuck the foot in a way you’ve never been able to before.

I dunno. I’m really trying to keep this blogging thing together. I get up in the morning and I go to work and I look at all the crazy patients and I help them keep their shit together (and there’s a lot of shit in a hospital like ours) and I’m mostly managing but then the weekend comes around and I have a hole in my heart that’s a fucking mile wide.

casual friday is all about the fun side of geriatric care, notable because nursemyra wears a different corset under her uniform on fridays. if the patients have been bad it’s likely to be black latex and a whip or two could make its way out of the special cupboard. if they’ve been good, I might wear white or even resort to spring colours.

well today I wore the corset and I went to work. I drank red wine (maybe that was a mistake) and ate dinner with a friend, came home and took the usual friday photograph.

nursemyra’s never ending quest for ways to improve her patients’ sex lives led to……..

This pump is the best invention ever created better than the wheel. I have noticed 100 percent clitoris growth from 2 inches to 4 inches. I can even use my clitoris for anal sexwith my husband. I have the creamiest orgasms ever. One big downfall is that sometimes I passout from the massive amounts of blood that flow to my clitoris. But all of the injuries I have obtained from passing are worth every bone tinging orgasm

nursemyra has a new fascination with russian advice. I mean, those guys really know their stuff and tell it like it is

Urine therapy: Drinking urine requires great skills and caution

“It is possible to cure any disease by drawing the urine through the nostrils every morning. Digestion will improve and the whole body will grow stronger.”

“A person will live a long life if he massages his entire body with his own urine three times in daytime and three times at night.”

People are advised to use urine as eye and ear drops.

really? nursemyra understands the whole golden shower thing…. but snorting the stuff? and urine eye drops? Lizza won’t be the only one with pink eye if this takes off.

we do a lot of urine collecting at the gimcrack. every time one of our geriatric crazies starts exhibiting even crazier behaviour we suspect they’ve come down with a urinary tract infection. getting a sample can be a bit tricky at times but through painstaking research I have uncovered the Tru-Catch

what I like most about the Tru-Catch is “you can even handcuff an individual and still obtain a true sample. Simply place the handcuffs on the individual behind their back and tell them to sit down and pee”

nurses, handcuffs and golden showers…… do you think there’s a market for this stuff?