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Thursday, March 27, 2014

WHAT REALLY IS THE REWARD?????

So I was bright and early to see my doctor this morning.. he put me on the scale ( still makes me cringe) ... he said to you know there is an Alfred Hitchcock movie called THE LADY VANISHES.. and that is you! .. .. went into exam room.. and he said I have dropped WEIGHT more since our last visit... I told him how i had been feeling... resentful towards myself... ( silly I know) ... and how I kept wondering what all this hard work was for... what was my reward... and rather firmly he looked at me and said.. something very simple yet something I needed to really hear... YOUR REWARD HONI, IS NOT BEING MORBIDLY OBESE OR OBESES ANY LONGER and THAT IS IT! .. Now do you want to be OBESE?? ( I said no.. of course) ... .....I.... guess I kept looking for more... and not looking at the most important thing... which is exactly what he said... He He also said if I stayed right where I am now and just maintained that would be great.. and if I wanted to go ahead and lose 19-20 more pounds like I want to do.. that that is great too.. and he thoroughly believes I can ... but I need to remember what I have accomplished and that there are changes... wether I chose to see them or not.. He also said... I need to have the EMG ... anad he explained why... and he also explained long before OBAMACARE that getting diagnostic tests for patients who really need more studying has become increasingly difficult ... and that it is a battle with the insurance companies.. he said it had been over 5 years since my last MRI of my neck and we need to see if more nerve impingement has occured.. in fact some of this flare from my Fibro could actually be my neck... so I am going to go ahead and have the EMG... take the new meds from the Rhuematologist and then even if I am denied a MRI again my doctor said he will make it happen... and deal with the insurance himself... He explained .. we are following protocol.. and they will have sufficent evidence that more diagnostics are needed to properly find out what is happening... So that is where I am at ... Today I finally get the Reward.. the Reward is very simply just what the doctor said.... So much like the weight loss.. no grand epiphany... there is no grand epithany .. as I get smaller ... aside from the usual.. fitting into nicer clothes... shopping is easier.... moving is easier.... the biggest reward.. is that I am NOT a MORBIDLY OBESE- OBESE person.... that I am pretty much an average size woman now... and I need to take some time and be proud of this journey... My job now is to maintain and lose more if I choose...

I think what a lot of people never learn .. are the simple truths about the journey... the whole journey.... When one loses a lot of weight.... those desires to go back to old eating patterns do not just go away... they are always there and will always be there.... and that in my thought process just has to be accepted... I feel like accepting that notion gives you strength .. becauase then all it becomes is a choice... for example.... I can eat a pizza ... but it really won't make me feel better... I can eat french fries.. but its not going to do anything for me... Or I can make healthier choices... and benifit my body with good nutrition... and give myself what I need... I have also learned to always stop and ask myself am I hungry or really just thirsty... so before I eat anything I drink.. and then I have my answer.. sometimes I am just thirsty and not hungry... that has helped me too...HAVE A GREAT DAY ! KEEP ON KEEPING ON!!