Saturday, September 10, 2011

This isn't Metropolis but Superman has an interest in the barns here apparantly!

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Difficult to get a good picture but there were acres of butterflies.

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Did you ever have a day when you felt out of sorts without really knowing why? When you get up on the wrong side of the bed and just can't seem to make things go your way, or feel good even if they do go your way, not matter how much you desire to feel better.

It started out as that kind of day for me. Everything was fine. The kids were happily at school, the packing was coming along, the move is underway, everybody is healthy including me, I've been sleeping well and yet...something is not quite right.

Perhaps I was picking up on the energy of someone else in my life who is having a difficult time. Perhaps the coming full moon is unsettling me in that way. I'm not sure it does much good to seek a cause because likely this is just a glitch in life, a speed bump.

A friend of mine was telling me of some difficult people in her life and wondering why, if she is such a positive, happy person and as such, would expect to attract only other positive people,,why does she still attract the occasional very negative person in her life.

I told her that my theory is that those people are for practice. That to be kind and compassionate to a person who is kind and compassionate to you is easy. And for those who have become a higher vibration, happier person through compassion and empathy and living a joyful life, it does not do them any service to remain complacent, or to never be challenged in that place of good feeling.

But...this isn't that kind of thing. Nobody is causing me problems. I have no difficult people in my life. No obvious reason for my discontent. But it was there today, just under the surface, waiting to breech like a whale who must rise to breathe.

I finally gave up and I dropped all the work I was to do and put on my ipod and sneakers and headed out for a walk. I thought perhaps it would clear the cobwebs and at the very least help me drop the homemade bread and snowball cookies that stuck to my arse in Newfoundland.(They put a moratorium on cod fishing..how about a moratorium on baked goods..holy geez..date squares for breakfast..they have oatmeal..why not? And I'm not known for my willpower!)

So off I went..listening to some pod casts..walk walk walk. It was a sunny day, dotted by a piece of fluff here and there, infant clouds, playful and new. I walked past the golf course with my timer set to walk 30 minutes out and 30 minutes back. I noted the sign on the pole that said "Superior Barn Painting" and it made me smile. If I had a barn, I'd want superior paint on it! Who would want a substandard barn? Aim high in all things including barn paint! Yes, the wandering person with a wandering mind is easily amused.

But the discontent had started to fade. Perhaps because I forgot about it. Perhaps because a smile from the heart fixes most things. May it's that I am so enamoured of nature that I touch tree branches simply because they seem to reach out to me, perhaps because birds seem to fly closer than they need to when I'm walking alone on that particular road. Likely though, it's just that I am, as we all are, a natural being and being in nature is where we are most at home.

And so, the 30 minutes ended and I turned back. Enjoying the other side of the road as much as the first. It was about half way back that I saw them. There they were, fluttering and flitting with light and abandon over a field of wild flowers, hundreds and hundreds of white and yellow butterflies!

The field stretched for many acres and as far as the eye could see they bounced in their prettily-dressed wings. All ranging in hue from whitest white to brightest yellow...and I stood and marveled..and took photos and the discontent disappeared like a water droplet in the sun...evaporated, forever gone.

I walked into the field then, and some of them alighted on me as though I were one of the wildflowers they found so fascinating. Some of them stayed a while on my wrist or my shoulder, not disappointed that I wasn't what they seeked, that I wasn't as beautiful or sweet tasting as one of those pretty blooms.

Then I saw her. In that field, amidst all of those butterflies, all different in their own way but some standard shade of light. was one large monarch butterfly in all her orange and black regal glory!

She was, in that field, not a queen although she was larger than the rest, vibrant, unique, one of a kind, sui generis! No, instead she seemed out of her element. She had, accidentally or otherwise, drifted from her own people...er...butterflies... to live in a field of similar, yet different ones. In spite of that though, she was just as fluttery and happy as the others and did not seem to mind her differences..and those surrounding her seemed unaware and unconcerned as well.

I stayed for a while, attempted to get some pictures, then left them all behind..undisturbed and free.

What does it all mean? Nothing really. It was an amazing experience but to assign meaning to it might just be a bit presumptous for this regular girl.

For I am, most of the time, one of the white and yellow butterflies. And I like it that way for they are truly magnificent and it is good to be one of them. It is comforting and feels good to be among your own kind, to be cared for and be one of the crowd and to be loved.

But perhaps what I long to be, more often than I care to admit, is the monarch...certainly not better or more beautiful or lighter in the air than the others, just different, settling among those who are unlike me, who know different and wondrous things that I can learn from them. Perhaps because, I don't ever find it important to impart what I know on others...but rather take my greatest joy in learning what I can from those who are different and have so much to teach me, I can relate to her content there in that field. Either way, nature gave me a gift to unwrap yet again.

Perhaps that is what sets me apart many times, like the monarch in the field. I strive to be me, no matter how unusual it appears I am from the rest of the crowd and I prefer it and I'm happier that way. That while others concern themselves about what others think of them I want to be the one who doesn't give a flying fig or a rats ass or two bits(insert cliche' of choice here) about what others think. Perhaps because I embrace that I automatically flutter, not bigger and better and brighter, just differently, from those that are around me.

And while this may seem like a kind of disjointed rambling sort of post, for me it's simply a recounting of the gift nature gave me today. I am no longer feeling the discontent. I am, in fact, joyously happy and feel like the world is mine and all its treasures are out there in a basket and I can pick that which I most desire. And from that basket I pick happiness. And if I do encounter the occasional speed bump I'll just back up and then ride forward over it as fast as I can! Generally when I do this I end up airborne....quite like the monarch butterfly!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Note: I wrote this just before I left to return to Ontario. I thought I would post it since it's complete but didn't get posted due to limited internet. So time warp to two weeks ago...when I was still home.

Bell Island, NL

Bell Island...sea kayaking through here would be fun uh???

It is time. It is finally time I sat down and updated you all on my busy, crazy, wonderful summer! I have not had time to sit down and write...though my notebooks are full of ideas and notes for future work. It has been the most wonderful time. I have been here, in Newfoundland for most of the summer.

I also have my car. This is the first time I've ever had my own vehicle on the island and I have put it to great use. I've driven all over, even the intimidating Streets of downtown St. John's. Toronto downtown, a piece of cake. St. John's? You need a good sense of humour and a bucket of patience in the passenger seat to make it. But I have. I've been to the far east at Cape Spear twice and I've been to Change Islands on the north east coast twice. I am going to Bell Island tomorrow and then back to Change Islands on Monday.

I love this place. Have I mentioned that? It's just nicer. I love the provincial pastimes of complaining about the ferry system and the weather...the lilt of the dialects, the laughter in the voices, the unabashed flirtation of..well just about anybody..the sense of humour, all of it. It's just different here. A good different. It's home.

The Ontario house hasn't sold yet. No new house but the plan is still the same. Find a house. Find a nice way to supplement my writing and then..write.

I have had a tough time not writing. Writing for me is like alcohol, well, for me. I can do without it but I really prefer not to! I miss late night writing jags and the thrill of working out a plot hole and just creating my characters lives. I can only imagine how things will go once I have my quiet writing spot back. I may disappear completely!

I have outlined another story and I'm considering a collection of short stories plus a book about Change Islands. So lots to work on when I settle in. There will be a book in the spring and of course I do have the poetry book coming out in October! Watch for it!

Meanwhile watch for my next post...what I did on my summer vacation...it'll give you some more details on what I did, from Witless Bay to Bell Island, from idyllic starlit Change Islands nights to the Stanley cup parade. I'll be back soon!

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Breeze Daze.

Welcome to my blog. This is a place where I can stretch my writing wings and share my thoughts. I believe that truths can be found in all sacred scriptures but are generally not found behind church doors. I believe we are all on a journey to enlightenment and that all roads lead home. I was asked to state my six word motto. I came up with "Easy come, easy go, walk on".Thank you for reading my writings. I welcome you to comment at the bottom. I love to know who is reading.