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I don’t know if you realise but in Oxford May Day is a big deal. I mean really big. We temporarily shed our old school – 14th century – eccentric reputation and go more old school 9th century pagan bat shit crazy. I’m talking brass bands in the streets, madrigals from Magdalen tower at 6am, Morris dancing in fancy dress and of course in the time honoured British tradition; drinking from dawn (although does it count if you never really stopped)…. I’m almost disappointed I didn’t join in this year. Then again being an old lady who survives on the minimum amount of sleep during the week, getting up at my usual time (6am) seemed a little unnecessary. Besides apparently in the modern age you don’t even need to be there to join in the festivities, the madrigals from magdalen college were live streamed on Facebook. I could enjoy them from my cosy bed a couple of hours later. However considering I was awoken by my father at 6.15am and informed we were going to breakfast to at least pretend we’d been joining the throngs in the streets, against my better judgement I was thrust into the bizarre dream world that is May Day morning. It’s like still that feeling after a crazy party which went on till dawn. Even if you weren’t drinking the night before. It feels like everyone is either still drunk, or on the cusp of a hangover. You can drink before 8am, calories don’t matter and the more you look like you haven’t slept, the better. What a beautiful may morning it was. The sun was out, the brass band was playing, everyone was smiling and I was heading to an free, albeit early, breakfast. What a disappointment. I didn’t mention the down side to this glorious Oxford only holiday. The restaurants know everyone will want breakfast. They know everyone will pay a bomb and seemingly not care what they’re eating. But I’m afraid I’m not everyone. Maybe it’s just me, but when I order smoked salmon and scrambled eggs in a restaurant I usually expect toast or something with it, especially at £8.50. Even worse when I asked for toast they said they weren’t doing bread today. I couldn’t tell whether it was a veiled attempt to encourage me onto a low carb diet or just a cheapskate restaurant trying to conceal the fact they’d run out of a staple of the breakfast menu on one of there busiest breakfast services in the year. Either way Quod was in my bad books. Especially because I don’t get treated to breakfast out often. Heck during the week most meals are a mixture of tasting as I cook and apples, munched sporadically through the day.This rant is mostly culminating in an explanation of why I felt a craving for such a ridiculously hipster lunch. I’m mostly ironically disparaging to the Instagram gurus obsessed with avocado and kale and cashew nut cheese. But secretly, I’m one of them. I’m probably the only person who genuinely really likes kale but it’s really tasty and it feels like your eating your way to the elixir of youth, which can’t be a bad thing. Maybe I’m just hanging out with students too much but feeling world weary and old at 23 can’t be a good thing. So here’s my recipe for avocado, marmite and smoked salmon toast with kale and purple sprouting broccoli salad, walnut and maple dressing. #notnigella #iknownigelladidarecipeforthisandgotridiculedmaybeimjustasbad #healthguru #deliciouslymeta #ironic #dontjudgemebecauseimgreen #marmitegoeswitheverything

1 avocado

1 slice toast (preferably sourdough)

Marmite

Chilli flakes

Smoked salmon

Kale

Walnut oil

Rice wine vinegar

Sea salt

Maple syrup

Purple sprouting broccoli

It’s simple to be honest, but oh so delicious. Just toast the bread. Blanch the broccoli in boiling and refresh in cold water. Combine 3 parts walnut oil to 1 part rice wine vinegar and season to taste with sea salt and maple. Pour over kale and microwave for 1 min. Add broccoli. Top bread with a thin layer of marmite, avocado and smoked salmon. Eat.

I know you don’t really need a recipe but you’ll get over it. Some people like to follow instructions and if you follow these you get a damn good meal. I’d call it brunch, but I already had breakfast…

I very rarely wake up in the morning feeling like I want to be healthy but I woke up this morning wanting to go for a run. Maybe it was the yoga I’ve started doing or the fact I’ve started using hashtags on Instagram but I’m becoming dangerously close to a healthy lifestyle. At least Pret appears to be on a one shop mission to corrupt this attitude with its dark chocolate and sea salt bars. Following my run I decided to continue the theme with a banana and peanut butter omelette. Unfortunately the box of 12 eggs I bought less than a week ago has fallen prey to Mark-Francis/Violetta’s insatiable poached egg habit, there was 1 left. So I fiddled around a but. I present to you the (in keeping with the theme of recent posts) gluten and dairy free, protein rich breakfast pancake, eatable in lent without fear of guilt.

It’s Mark Francis’ birthday so what else to do in the most pretentious graduate house there ever was but have a champagne breakfast. (Well sparkling wine) Despite the sore heads from celebrating MF’s birthday the night before we struggled through with hair of the dog. Cue the most unproductive day ever. Breakfast was swiftly followed by birthday cake then a nap, and finally a game of articulate to wind up the day early afternoon. Most importantly I wanted to make Eggs Royale because a) MF has a poached egg for breakfast everyday and b) I am obsessed with the combination of salmon and eggs for breakfast. The problem was the hollandaise sauce. Normally made with an enormous quantity of butter and taking around 20mins of attentive whisking, I wanted to make a version that was healthier and took half the time. Of course we did then cancel out the bid to be healthy with a slice of double chocolate cake but every little helps.

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My parents have always been obsessed with croissants, so much so that when my father couldn’t work out where the cereal was kept on his house and left alone for breakfast, there was no question of sending his secretary out to the corner shop to buy him none other than a croissant. What’s not to love? A buttery, flaky pastry that melts in the mouth, a crisp exterior best served warm with lashings of jam. Even the famous ‘French Women Don’t Get Fat Diet’ recommends a small croissant for breakfast as the only way to start the day. Marie-Antoinette is said to have brought these delicate pastries over from Vienna to Paris. Virtually the only thing she would eat, they are even said to have inspired the notorious ‘Let them eat cake’ quotation. Definitely not an everyday bake, rather time consuming, they are nonetheless exceptionally satisfying to make, and make the house smell amazing, making my parents’ only 24 hours in the house in my 2 weeks at home, special.

Makes 13 small croissants

250g plain flour

70g water

70g whole milk

25g sugar

20g unsalted butter

7g yeast

large pinch salt

drop vanilla essence

To Laminate

140g cold butter

1 egg, beaten to wash

1. Mix all the ingredients together ( I used a dough hook on my kitchen aid). When combined knead for 3mins so there is moderate gluten development, too much will cause too much fight back from the dough while ‘laminating’ (adding the butter). The best way to tell is when the dough has turned shiny and doesn’t leave any traces on the side of the bowl. Shape the dough like a disc (so it can be easily shaped into a square later) and leave in the fridge overnight.

2. To Laminate, start by slicing the butter and filling a 7.5cm square on a larger piece of baking parchment. Place another baking parchment piece on top and roll out to 9.5cm square. Trim the uneven edges to 8.5cm square and place the trimmings on top, gently even out the thickness. Then refrigerate. To get an even thickness, roll from the middle to each side, rotating

3. Take out the dough. Roll out to 20x30cm rectangle using the same method as above. BUT this time sprinkle both pieces of paper with flour. Take your butter out of the fridge and place in the centre so that a corner is facing an edge. fold each corner of the dough into the centre like an envelope. Roll out using the method above to a 20x30cm square. Fold the edges in like an envelope again and refrigerate for 30mins. Repeat this process 4 times. On the last time roll the dough out to 20x70cm, dust with flour, carefully fold and refrigerate overnight. Alternatively you can leave in the freezer for a couple of hours then the fridge for another couple of hours.

4. Take the dough out and trim any curved edges. Using a pizza cutter/knife and a tape measure, mark 10cm intervals along the top. Mark 5cm along the bottom then continue in 10cm intervals. Using a ruler, cut diagonally towards the firs 5cm notch from the top left corner and then diagonally up to the first 10cm notch on the top, this will form a triangle. Continue. You should have 13 triangles and a few extra pieces for make into pain au chocolate’s (by filling with a square of good quality dark chocolate) or just odd shaped croissants.

5. Take a triangle, make a cut in the middle of the bottom and roll up to the point. Continue with the remaining triangles. Place on a lined baking sheet and brush with egg wash. Leave for 2 hours at room temperature to prove. .

6. Bake at 180oC fan for 6mins. Then turn the oven down to 150oC and bake for a further 8-9mins. They can be reheated, not as good as freshly baked, but almost.

So the day of the final exam looms, I am craving warm comfort food as I head into the final countdown. As a self confessed peanut butter lover, what better than a porridge that I can pretend is healthy. I like the fact that the peanut butter adds a richness and is subtly an aftertaste so the porridge isn’t too sweet, but feel free to add sugar if you like a sugar rush in the morning. Or if you are feeling really decadent add a spoonful of nutella as well. Oh and this is ridiculously simple, perfect while your trying to read your notes at the same time.

50g oats

300ml boiling water

1tsp cinnamon

1 banana

3tsp peanut butter

1. Add the oats to the water and boil for 3-4mins, until gloopy. Stir in the peanut butter and cinnamon. Serve with chopped banana.

I might be going slightly mental during finals. Not only have I used it as an excuse to blow the student budget on nutritionally balanced exam fuel, but I’m also believing any bullshit I read on the internet. For example, because I read that salmon boosts omega 3 I started exam day with smoked salmon and cream cheese on a toasted onion bagel and home pickled dill, juniper and peppercorn cucumber. (my new favourite quick and simple tasty recipe)

I have been eating ship loads of bananas (apparently potassium boosts your brain), peppermint tea (an obscure website says it reduces stress and panic) and broccoli is becoming a staple of every meal since I became convinced by the rather obviously named super foods.com, that it is a superfood. (Although I’m not sure its skills at fighting birth defects will be that helpful right now). I’m addicted to Pret sea salt dark chocolate, it apparently reduces stress, using pistachios in several of my meals, protein brain boost, and eating mountains of cherries, they help you sleep? 3 down, 1 to go…

So here are a few brain boosting, superfood filled, fuller for longer meals…. when I finish I’m eating cheesecake.

1. Take the salmon fillet out of the fridge. Put 50g basmati rice in a pan over a medium heat. Add 1tsp Garam Masala, leave for 1min. Add boiling water and 1 vegetable stock cube and whisk till dissolved. Leave for 10 mins or until a lot of liquid has evaporated but there is still a little left. Stir in 10-12 pistachio nuts, unsalted. Cover and set aside.

3. Meanwhile heat a frying pan over a medium heat NB DO NOT LET IT GET TOO HOT. When hot, add the salmon skin side down, unseasoned. Leave untouched for 5-7 mins till the skin is crispy. (NB mine was quite thick) Turn and cook for a further 2-3mins. The salmon should be a really vivid pink inside and tender, if it is too pale you have over cooked it, if it is still fleshy it is rare, better for a different recipe. Luckily mine was perfect 🙂 Finally steam the broccoli, serve.

I’m not claiming this will get me a first but it certainly sent me into my exam smiling.

Usually I am a great advocate of butter, try as I might to be healthy – even I have to admit butter makes everything taste better. In the light of healthy exam fuel I made my eggs with half fat creme fraiche. I am a convert, the creamiest, fluffiest scrambled eggs ever.

1. Chop 1 pepper into strips. Scatter with a pinch of salt. Microwave on high for 5-8mins (I did this the night before).

2. Whisk 3 eggs, pinch of salt, pepper and 1 tbsp light creme fraiche. Microwave for 30secs at a time, whisking between each spurt. BE CAREFUL NOT TO OVERCOOK, the eggs will keep cooking, so set them aside when they are still a bit runny.

3. Toast a bagel, top with the eggs (no butter), strips of smoked salmon, the pepper and a sprigs of dill.

Soy milk porridge, berry compote, salted pistachios

1. Put 50g oats, 250ml unsweetened soy milk and a pinch of salt in a pan. Simmer for 5-6mins, stirring. Pour into a bowl.

2. Put 1 snack pack of blueberries in a pan with 2tsp sugar and 3tbsp water. Simmer for 5mins. Place on porridge with a small handful of salted pistachio nuts.

1. Chop 1 small sweet potato into thin strips. Scatter with sea salt and paprika. Roast on high in the microwave for 8-10mins.

2. Meanwhile heat a frying pan seasoned with a little salt and pepper. Trim the 200g steak of all visible fat. Chop 2 garlic cloves into thin slices and put in the bottom of a saucepan. Top with an in saucepan steamer and fill with chopped broccoli. Steam for 5mins.

3. Fry the steak for 3-4mins on each side for rare – medium rare. Set aside. Add 2 chopped cloves garlic into the steak pan. Fry for a minute. Add a good glug of cooking brandy (I know I’m off booze for exams but this is medicinal, and the alcohol is burnt off). Sprinkle in 1 crushed stock cube, 1tsp slightly crushed peppercorns and 150ml water.

4. Meanwhile drain the broccoli and garlic. Return to the saucepan with a good dose of lemon juice. Cover off the heat, shake and leave aside. Add 1-2tbsp light creme fraiche to the sauce and stir. Return the steak to the pan with any juices that have seeped out. Leave for a minute. Serve. The steak should be on the cusp of turning pink.

1. Heat a frying pan. Meanwhile pour the contents of a small can of chickpeas in water into a pan (including the water). Add 1/2 small chopped red chilli, seeds removed, 2 cloves garlic, chopped,1/2 a stock cube and 1tsp chopped ginger.

2. Place 1 fillet of salmon skin side down in the heated pan. Cook for 2-4 mins until the skin is crispy, remove from the pan and set aside. Add 1 large garlic clove, 1/2 small chopped chilli, seeds removed and fry for 2-3mins. Add 4tbsp soy sauce, 1tbsp rice vinegar, and 2tbsp sugar. Leave to bubble.

3. Take the chickpeas of the heat and mash with a fork. Place 1 chopped garlic clove and 1 small chopped chilli, seeds removed and some broccoli to a pan, fry for 1-2 mins. Add a small amount of boiling water and leave to steam.

4. When the teriyaki sauce has reduced by a third, add the salmon flesh side down. Leave for 1-2mins (for medium cook for a further 2mins – I like my salmon rare in the middle in this dish but not raw. The colour of raw salmon but not the texture).

5. The broccoli water should have totally evaporated and the broccoli should be soft. Serve the salmon on top of the chickpea mash, scattered with coriander.

In some sort of crazy plan to try and actually stay healthy this year, I have decided to start juicing for breakfast. Well that and also wanting to constantly use my shiny new blender which works so fast the bigger stress about making this juice is washing up and it works out a lot cheaper than the pret a manger version. Having tried and failed a almost totally veg juice ( U7 as my faithful taste tester informed me it was a little lacking in flavour…)
The great thing about this juice is that it is tasty but also makes you glow.

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Ultimate Brunch 2 – Sweet TreatI’m not going to claim that I will ever be able to recreate the likes of coco pops or frosted shreddies so I’m not going to even attempt cereals (a big shout out to the amazing american cereal Reese’s Pieces, how you can even call that cereal when they are basically peanut butter cups is brilliant). However my idea of brunch includes the sweet course. The Healthy – fruit salad, yoghurt with compote and berries and porridge with raisins. The Ugly – Waffles, pancakes, croissants, muffins, I’ve heard some places even do doughnuts (or cronuts for those that like a trend). The Hair of the Dog – mimosa, bellini. bloody mary and just plain champagne (I admit college doesn’t offer this but maybe they’ll take the hint…. Here is my pick of the best.

The HealthyPimped up Fruit Salad If you will insist upon having a fruit salad for brunch, try mixing fruits such as blueberries, bananas, strawberries, oranges, pineapple, melon, raspberries, pomegranate segments and then make a basil syrup by melting equal parts sugar and water in a pan with basil leaves and boiling for 2-3mins till thickened and then cooling and pouring over.Yoghurt and compote I’m not really going to tell you how to make this but just get good natural yoghurt and top with thick compote, honey and assorted dried fruit, grated chocolate and nuts.

The UglyWaffles So these are almost impossible to make without a waffle iron (or at a stretch a toast maker) but of you have either of these it is worth it. Serve with any of the following combinations – chocolate, banana and cream, strawberries and basil syrup, blueberries and maple syrup or crispy bacon for an interesting taste.1. Mix 250g plain flour, 1tbsp baking powder, 2tbsp caster sugar, 450ml milk, 1tsp salt, 2 eggs and 2tbsp oil in a bowl. At this point you could also add cinnamon, vanilla extract or cocoa for flavour.2. Wipe oil all over the waffle iron, cook until golden brown (shouldn’t take too long)Pancakes I am either of the opinion that pancakes should be incredibly thin and smothered in lemon and sugar (heat on the sugar)or studded with chocolate chips or blueberries and drizzled with maple syrup. For brunch’s sake, this is a recipe for thick american pancakes.1. Take 135g plain flour. 1tbsp baking powder and 1tsp salt, 1tsp cinnamon, 2tbsp caster sugar, make a hole in the centre and crack 1 egg into the middle. Whisk together, gradually adding 2tbsp melted butter and 1tsp vanilla extract. Fold in either fresh blueberries or chocolate chips2. Melt a knob of butter in a pan. When melted add a dollop of mixture into the pan and cook on each side for 1-2mins until golden on each side.Muffins Muffins are something I only ever have at christmas or on birthdays so therefore these are raspberry and white chocolate (muffins definitely aren’t healthy)1. Combine 375g plain flour, 4tsp baking powder, 1tsp salt, 1tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp nutmeg.2. Whisk 2 eggs with 200g light brown sugar till fluffy. Add 240ml milk, 120ml oil and 2tsp vanilla extract. Fold dry ingredients into the wet ingredients, then add 120g white chocolate chopped and 200g fresh raspberries. (Fold gently to try and keep raspberries whole)3. Line muffin moulds with circles of baking parchment. Fill each of the moulds 3/4 full. Bake for 25mins at 180oC until the tops are golden. Serve right away.CroissantsThere are two ways to make croissants, the easy and the hard way, wither way I’m afraid they won’t be as good as ones from any French boulangerie/patisserie. In both cases I’ve filled mine, but they can both be made plain.The Easy1 egg1 tbsp water1 sheet puff pastry150g dark chocolate chips

1. Cut the puff pastry sheet in half vertically. Then in half horizontally and in half again. Cut each of these 8 pieces diagonally in half and sprinkle each piece with chocolate chips.2. Roll up from the bottom of the triangle upwards to create a crescent shape. Paint each with 1 egg beaten with water.3. Bake at 180oC till golden brown (about 20-25mins)

The Tricky but TraditionalThese are in homage for my dad, who will eat custard in anything for breakfast (but only on holiday)I can’t take credit for the recipe for croissant because I’ve only made this once and haven’t tweaked anything so here is the one I used.http://www.weekendbakery.com/posts/classic-french-croissant-recipe/For the filling (creme patisserie, also useful for eclairs and profiteroles)1. Whisk together 4 egg yolks, 4 tbsp caster sugar and vanilla extract in a bowl, until fluffy. Add 2tbsp flour and 1tbsp cornflour.2. Heat about 250ml milk in a pan till just warm.3. Pour milk over the eggs and whisk.4. Return the whole lot to the pan, stirring until thickened. Leave to cool. The mixture should be quite thick at this point.5. Fill a piping bag and squirt into the base of the just cooked croissant.

The Hair of the DogMimosaA brunch favourite. but also very easy (not to be confused with bucks fizz, it is more alcoholic)1 part orange juice, 3 parts champagne (or in the students case prosecco/cava). If you are feeling fancy you could garnish the glass with a spiral of orangeBelliniThis can be made in a lot of varieties (raspberries, passion fruit) but the traditional is peach.Peel two peaches and blitz in a food processor. Add 4 tbsp peach liqueur. Spoon 2tsp of the mixture into a champagne glass and top with champagne. Garnish the glass with a raspberryBloody MaryI had a really good bloody mary which had PORT in it, now I don’t think that port is necessarily a good idea in the morning (it gives you the worst hangover after you have it in the evening, god knows what happens in the morning) but I think a bloody mary should be a little bit more than vodka, tomato juice and Worcester sauce.Mix 1 part vodka with 3 parts tomato juice with a squeeze of lemon juice, 1tsp Worcester sauce, 2tsp (celery) salt, 1tsp fresh grated horseradish, 1 tsp black pepper. Garnish with a strip of celery. If you want to go all out, I rather like the idea of making ice cubes using celery juice, but that might require a bit more effort.ChampagneI would never turn down champagne

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The weekend approaches and all I can think about is the prospect of Saturday morning brunch. Not the party which inevitable leads to you craving a carb laden proper fry up, but the brunch itself! I usually go for the university offering which while perfectly adequate is lacking in the way that mass produced food always does, overcooked and under seasoned, at least ours are better than some…. To their credit they do provide several things which elevate brunch to a better level; smoked salmon (so expensive but sometimes worth it), yoghurt bar with toppings (including banana chips which in case you don’t know are delicious fried banana pieces posing as health food) and waffles (brunch should always be a three course meal, well if you’re insisting on it being breakfast and lunch…..) While it’s all very nice, here are some recipes for when you want to recreate the experience (and pimp it up) at home

EggsBoiled I Hope I don’t have to tell anyone how to boil an egg (it’s one of the things I really can’t do), look it up elsewhere but serve with marmite slathered hot buttered toast soldier stripsFried Again not my favourite but if you’re going to eat them you might as well cook them properly. You could be boring and just fry it, or you could take the Roald Dahl approach and fry it in the centre if a piece of fried bread.1. Simply cut a hole with a glass or cutter out of the middle of your piece of bread,2. Put a teaspoon of oil and a teaspoon of salted butter and heat, fry the bread until golden on both sides flipping halfway (couple of mins on each side should do it3. Add a little more oil to the pan and crack your egg into the centre, season with salt and pepper. 4. Cook for a minute on each side and serve

Scrambled Now we’re talking! I’ve tried many methods of cooking eggs over the years and this is by far my favourite. I’ve used fill here as my herb of choice because I like mine with smoked salmon but with bacon you might want to try thyme or rosemary and for veggie maybe serve with layer of wilted spinach?1. Crack 6 eggs into a bowl and whisk together with a splash of milk, pinch of salt and pepper and a tbsp of finely chopped dill, whisk till thick and creamy2. Heat a deep frying pan to medium heat, melting a large knob of butter3. Pour in the eggs and reduce the heat4. Cook whilst stirring till the mixture resembles scrambled eggs, ideally on the runny side because they will continue cooking when you take them off the heat.

Eggs Benedict I’ll cover another time

Meat Bacon I know that everyone likes their bacon differently, but this is a personal favourite of mine with a possible nod to American diner big breakfast.1. Get some thin streaky bacon (I like mine unsmoked and crispy ) line the grill pan (saves cleaning loads of grease from it) with foil.2. Paint the bacon with maple syrup and grill turning till thin and crispy on both sidesSausages Should always be fat and preferably grilledBlack Pudding I’ve been rather put off black pudding by the dry offering at college but I did once use it to stuff a pork tenderloin and that was delicious. I’d advise getting the good stuff from butchers and cooking it inside the sausage meat for an unusual spin ( I’ll get back to you when I’ve tried this)Smoked salmonIf there’s some going please !

Veg (in the loosest sense of the word)Baked beansAlwaysFried breadsee aboveTomatoes these are always hard to make exciting, particularly of barely cooked…. The best way I’ve ate them for breakfast is cherry ones, roasted, scattered with salt, pepper for about 8-10mins at 200oCMushrooms Fried with garlic, there is no other way. Sometimes I like to add onions as well1. Take 250g button mushrooms, melt butter in a pan then add 2cloves garlic, chopped finely2. Add the mushrooms, salt and pepper3. Gently fry till the mushrooms begin to brown a little (salt is very important here, makes the mushrooms sweat helping them cook 😉

Hash browns Trickier, but making them yourself is very self satisfying! The English equivalent is of course bubble and squeak but I like to think of that as solely christmassy. I’m assuming you don’t have any roasted potatoes you failed to eat for Sunday lunch or jacket potatoes lying around, but if you do, all the better to use up leftovers.1. Boil potatoes adding salt and sage leaves to the water and a knob of butter, skins and all till soft. Drain and leave to cool and dry out.2. When dry, chop into pieces, add salt and pepper.3. Heat a large knob of butter in a pan and add a finely sliced onion, cook over a low heat until soft. Leave to cool then mix into the potato.4. Heat either more butter or for extra goodness bacon fat, and bring to a medium heat. Add the potato and onion mix pushing down to make a cake.4. Cook for 10-15mins till brown on the bottom, remove from the pan, add more butter (well this was never going to be a healthy recipe) and cook on the other side for a further 10mins, cut into wedges and serve .

Waffles, muffins, pancakes, cinnamon buns and other sweet stuff to follow in part 2