Wednesday, January 06, 2016

Everyone seems to be wondering why MuslimTerrorists are so quick to commit suicide.

Let’s have a look at the evidence:

- No Christmas- No television-No nude women- No football- No pork chops- No hot dogs- No burgers- No beer- No bacon- Rags for clothes- Towels for hats- Constant wailing from a tower- More than one wife- More than one mother in law- You can't shave- Your wife can't shave- You can't wash off the smell of donkey- You cook over burning camel shit- Your wife is picked by someone else for you- and your wife smells worse than your donkeyThen they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"??Well helloooooo, Sherlock!....

A man was driving when he saw theflash of a trafficcamera.He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though heknew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result.. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

You can't fix stupid.

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,when we overheard an admin girl talking about thesunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.She drove down in a convertible, but saidshe 'didn't think she'd get sunburnedbecause the car was moving'.

They Walk Among Us!------------------------------------

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her carwhich is designed to cut through a seat beltif she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.

They Walk Among Us!-------------------------------------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.The woman there smiled and told me not to worrybecause she was a trained professional andsaid I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,'Has your plane arrived yet?'...(I work with professionals like this.)

They Walk Among Us!------------------------------------------------

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a manordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cutinto 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some timethen said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungryenough to eat 6 pieces.

They Walk Among Us!

Dumb as a box of Rocks

TRUE STORY:

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask , 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'