We first met Seattle’s “real-life superhero” Phoenix Jones last October when he tried towho’s also known as amateur MMA fighter Ben Fodor, had a story that paralleled HBO’s documentary, Superheroes, about similar, self-appointed superheroes. Well now, in a move that’s either genius, obvious, inevitable, or most likely a combination of all three, a self-appointed supervillain, Rex Velvet, has emerged to challenge Phoenix Jones, whom he calls “a hobo snitch in a mask.”

At first, I was super pumped about this. Then I found it’s just another YouTube guy doing a video, and then I felt less excited about it. I really wanted Rex Velvet to be the moniker of an actual person with no/lesser known background revealing himself to call out Phoenix Jones.

Hey now, I live in Seattle, and we DO have real problems. Sometimes, my coffee comes at 108 degrees and with foam, even though I specifically asked for 110 degrees and no foam. I SAID NO FOAM, DAMMIT !

*hurls crumpled-up napkin at barista, knocks over straw dispenser on way out*

I hope this inspires todays generation of criminals to get back into supervillainy. Gone are the days of people holding the city hostage with fear. The killdozer guy, the guy who shot people with darts in NYC, the zodiac killer. Those were the days.

Whoo boy. I think this is very clever, but Phoenix Jones seems more like the delusional type, not the tongue-in-cheek type. The guy who plays Rex Velvet will think it’s funny then one day when he’s walking home from the bar BAM mace in yo face.

The final showdown between a meathead weirdo and an internet dork in some dark alley somewhere would truly be a epic display of how little we as a people care about things like foreign conflicts, environmental issues and failing economies. I say God bless them. They make the internet go ’round.

Oh, my dear Rexy. If I have to go through you to get to that bumbling idiot Jones, so be it.

You see my dear readers, Mr. Velvet is a sham. Would you like to know who he is? You would? Delicious!
You see, Mr Velvet is none other than Ryan Robert Cory, a do-nothing talentless fool who makes failed attempts at viral videos for a living. Would you like to see his personal pages? Yes? Well then, dear reader…

And that’s not even the most shocking part! you want to know the real secret? He works for that masked hooligan Jones. Oh, yes, he is nothing more than viral advertising, his ineffective and pathetic attempts tp discredit a man that puts the residents of Seattle at risk are nothing more than a national advertising campaign. Think of all the attention Jones is getting around the country.

That’s right Mr. Cory, the cat is out of the bag. And once I finish your miserable career off, it’s on to Jones and his band of superzeroes. If the people of Seattle are so eager for a villain, let a real one take the reigns.