We’ve all heard it before: we need to put our own needs first before we care for those around us. Easier said than done! For many of us, putting our own needs first seems implausible. There are children to be fed, a house to clean, work assignments to finish. All of these things need to be done and they all need to be done now. We know that our personal care has to fit in there somewhere, but where?

According to Kirsten Roberts, when you “sacrifice yourself, you’re never going to be the best person you can be for the ones you love.” Perhaps if we change our perception about our personal needs then we will begin to put ourselves first. Although this is a roundabout way of thinking about self-care, for some women this may be the best way to get them to actually begin prioritizing themselves.

As a former do-all-er, Kirsten understands that sometimes it’s a perspective shift that gets a woman to change her behavior and discover the joy she’s been missing. In today’s episode I speak with Kirsten Roberts, founder of Radical Life, a program that helps women “build their wildly fulfilling business, learn the art of crazy self-love and live with uproarious laughter every day.” Kirsten was named one of Smart Company’s Top 50 Female Entrepreneurs in Australia, was CEO and co-owner of the franchised food group Spudbar and built a consulting arm for the accounting firm Crowe Horwarth where she signed $7m worth of contracts in the first two years of operation. Today I talk with Kirsten about self-love, finding laughter everyday, and breaking free from the anxiety cycle.

Kirsten comes from a history of business success. She’s always been the type to succeed in whatever she put her mind to, but after reaching her professional goals she found herself in a tough spot. She wasn’t happy, she was constantly comparing herself to others, and she didn’t know what to do next.

After a series of particularly difficult events, Kirsten sought help from a life coach. She would be the first to tell you that even those who seem to have everything together can benefit from some guidance and mentorship. She realized that she was living in a constant state of anxiety, “living life braced” for the next failure or meltdown and never simply appreciating day-to-day joys. Kirsten decided to adjust her perception of life, beginning with small steps such as daily affirmations, to bigger ones such as health and diet changes.

While Kirsten seeks to each day create “uproarious laughter” in her life, she also acknowledges the importance of accepting the dark periods in our lives. If you think of joy as a candle, “we can’t see the gorgeous flicker and the warmth of the candle unless there’s a dark contrast.” Rather than drown out our emotions with distractions; TV, alcohol, food; she recommends we welcome the dark times, take the lessons they give us, and move on when the time is right. After you are out of the darkness, it will be hard not to be teeming with wild fulfillment!

Describe one personal habit that contributes to your well-being:

Getting up early and meditating every morning.

What super power did you discover you had only to realize it was there all the time?

That I can inspire women.

What advice would you give to your 25 or 30 year old self?

The journey creates who you are, so don’t beat yourself up on the journey.