Case Number 14449: Small Claims Court

Lagerfeld Confidential

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All Rise...

Judge Brett Cullum is growing a ponytail, dressing like a priest, and popping people with his fan.

The Charge

"Fashion is ephemeral, dangerous, and unfair." - Karl
Lagerfeld

The Case

This movie confirms what we already know about a 75-year-old man who designs
dresses for Chanel: He's crazy, rich, and a total bitch with gangster style. If
you say this to his face, he'll hit you with his rings or pop you with a
handheld fan. "I'm a complete improvisation…" fashion designer
Karl Lagerfeld states in one of Lagerfeld Confidential's many pithy
sessions with the legend. It's a hypocritical remark because the line sounds
rehearsed as much as everything else swirling around this rock star of the
needle and thread industry. Lagerfeld is like a studied actor on his own stage
from the moment he wakes up to when he hits the pillow after runway shows, photo
shoots, and loud discos cranking out Eurotrash music. The movie attempts to be a
candid look at an icon, but rather it becomes exactly what "Mr.
Chanel" wants us to see. It's all shiny surface things that are beautiful
but ultimately shallow. The final product seems to be no more than a state
portrait where the subject has a hand in making himself look as good and
mysterious as he prefers. Karl is never seen without glasses, signature white
ponytail, at least 500 rings on his fingers, and an almost all black wardrobe a
priest would feel dowdy in.

Lagerfeld Confidential is a film that will interest all the
Project Runway fans who want to see what a real fashion designer does
when he is successful beyond anybody's wildest dreams. Lagerfeld is the creative
mind behind his own line, and is also known for resurrecting Chanel, Fendi, and
Chloe. He is such a sought after figure that his somewhat affordable collection
for New York City's H&M sold out in three days other than a handful of
T-shirts with his face emblazoned on them in size XXL. Let's face it, the man is
fabulous in his own kinky vision of how he sees himself and the world. Any
society woman worth her Prada handbag would kill to get him to help her
dress.

This documentary simply follows Karl as he jet sets around the world in his
private plane, and never bothers to tell us where we are going or where he has
been. Rodolphe Marconi seems tentative to even film Lagerfeld, and during the
opening moments of the film he shyly asks if he can start filming as he
cautiously lingers in the designer's well appointed yet chaotically cluttered
Parisian apartment. We see the camera guy get doors shut in his face and
sometimes scolded when he does capture his subject with his guard or sunglasses
down. It's amazing to see how Karl Lagerfeld can make a room grow hush as we see
servants skitter about and models suddenly grow quiet and childlike in his
presence. Even Nicole Kidman seems to clam up once he strolls in to do a photo
shoot with the actress. Certainly this is not the world's easiest documentary
subject, but Lagerfeld does share some random thoughts about fashion, sex, and
religion during the ninety minutes we spend with him. During the course of
Lagerfeld Confidential we hear Karl muse that he's for prostitution but
against gay marriage. The former he finds admirable, and the later too bourgeois
to ever consider. What is missing is any real revelation. The filmmaker lingers
on a portrait of Karl's lover (a man long gone), but never explains or asks who
he is. We never hear about his rise in the industry, or even a description of
what he does today. Instead we have to settle for a glimpse of Lagerfeld's world
only as far as he wants us to see it. This consists of fabulous parties,
celebrity visits, sessions with impossibly beautiful nude models, and an endless
procession of large private cars, planes, and apartments with soft lighting. Oh
yeah, and bowls and bowls filled with rings waiting to be picked out for the
day's arsenal of jewelry.

In terms of this DVD from Koch Lorber, we are given a straightforward simple
presentation. The widescreen transfer looks good, but certainly has that
documentary feel with varying degrees of clarity thanks to the unplanned
lighting and handheld nature of everything. Soundtrack comes across as a clear
unimpressive stereo mostly in French except when an English speaking model or
actor is present. Extras include a dozen scenes that were snipped from the final
film. They are simply more of the same, but for some reason in full screen
rather than the wide of the feature.

Lagerfeld Confidential shows off plenty of exquisite style without
offering any substance. There are fun cameos by Nicole Kidman, Anna Wintour, and
Princess Caroline of Monaco, but even they have little to say when around this
ponytailed tyrant who seems to intimidate the hell out of the entire world. He's
"King Bitch" of the fashionistas, and the fun of this documentary is
seeing him in his "unnatural" element. It's an eccentric world he has
created for himself, not unlike the one I imagine Michael Jackson has
constructed. But at least Karl seems to have a good sense of humor, and the
humility to admit he is just a lucky guy who got to do all the things he wanted
to do. Amazing to think that anyone could have as long of a career as this guy
has had, and shows no signs of slowing down well in to his seventies. Lagerfeld
is fashion, and is his own words both the man and the industry are
"ephemeral, dangerous, and unfair." As a subject he is hard to catch
so he is ephemeral, he has a dangerous temper, and it is unfair this film does
not delve deeper in to his world.