Pages

Sunday, January 19, 2014

hello hello

it's been a while

well now, where do I start...

I feel really bad about dropping off the face of the earth. I really do. I feel like I have no excuse, because I feel like people don't really accept depression as an excuse for screwing up. But there you go. I have depression, and it's to blame for most of my screwups I think...

It's just one of those things, you know?

I'll hide from a small problem for a little while, and then when I realize that I should probably do something to explain myself, I get anxious about it and I cope by hiding even more. It's like when I forgot my dad's birthday and I kept putting off calling him, but the more I put it off the worse I felt, and the more I felt like I couldn't call him because of how long it had been since I should have called him in the first place!

I know I do it, and I know I do it to myself. It's just not easy to fix a neurotic pattern of thinking I guess.

I am trying though. A little bit. I could be trying harder... I could be in therapy, and I could be taking better care of myself, but I am doing some things. I'm medicated. Hang on actually I should take my pill before I forget...

Right. So, I'm medicated... I'm going to work almost every day. I'm going to go back to school soon too! So that's really great. I'll be going to cosmetology school this time. I feel like I'm finally ready for it. I realized a short while ago that I need to stop putting off doing the things I really want to do. With cosmetology school, I'll be able to have a career that will hopefully be something I love doing... Something that will leave me with the time and energy to blog again. I would love that so much.

Until then I need to let y'all know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for disappearing... I know compared to some blogs I don't have a lot of followers or anything like that, but to the few of you out there wondering what happened to me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone, or let anyone down. The last thing I would ever want would be to hurt someone else... And I'm really sorry if I did.

I still have nail polish that was sent to me and I owe it to those who sent it to do something with it. I'm thinking I should give it away. I don't know when/if I will ever get around to reviewing anything. I know I would like to. I just don't know if I can.

I'm still a work in progress. I need to make myself better before I can come back to all this. I miss it. I miss interacting with people online and collectively going gaga over nail polish... It seems so silly. It's just nail polish right? It's more than that I think. I will let you know when I figure out exactly what it is.

I will try to post more updates semi-regularly, so I can hopefully start to get back into the swing of things. I start school in six weeks and I would love to be able to share that experience with y'all...

12 comments:

I have depression too and I disappear from time to time as well. It's always been hard for me to maintain most friendships due to that. People think I don't care or whatever, but that's simply not true. I have too much chaos going on in my head and my emotions and I simply have to step away every now and then and deal with it on my own. I totally get it. Don't worry about us. Take care of yourself and we'll be here when you're ready. *hugs* =)

It is so good to see new post from you and it is great that you are dealing with your issues and that you are trying to take better care of yourself. We'll be there to welcome you back whenever you're ready to return to blogging. Until then, take good care of yourself and know that there are people who are looking forward to your posts, not only polish related.

I'm glad to see you post again, but I don't think you need to apologise. After all, it's YOUR blog, and you're not obliged to entertain us (though we certainly enjoy it). Your well being is more important than giving us a minute of amusement.

I'm just glad to know you're ok! So, maybe not as ok as you'd like to be, but you're alive & you're doing the best you can. Depression sucks. It's sucks joy, it sucks energy & it sucks dreams. I know, I was born with it & my son died because he had it too. (that & he married a succubus) I know that most times it's easier to hide under your rock, where its warm, dark & uncomfortably comfy. But there comes a time when you just have to come out & deal with the world. The rock may feel safer, but its boing...life's too short to be dull & boring! Fitzy, Dahling, you are a fabulous person & the world needs you! <3

Fitzy, I have been looking for you and wondering if you were okay. Don't apologize for feeling down. We all know about that. I want to tell you how much I have enjoyed your posts. Don't be too hard on yourself. When I read your posts and see your work, I feel uplifted and happy, and YOU DID THAT for me.Best wishes, prayers, and I'll keep looking for you. Be true to yourself, dear. You don't have to work at impressing anyone. Your friends will care for you anyway, and yes, there are mean people out there.Hugs.

You should always put yourself first! No matter what. We'll be here when you feel better and we understand. Atleast I do. And you know, a person who is unhappy will probably not have a fun blog, and we like fun blogs.

What I'm trying to say is; take your time, don't rush things. Depression is hard to get out of, and you CAN blame depression. It is a real excuse. You are sick, and you need time to get better. And I know you don't know me, but I've been thinking about you, wondering where you went, and I just want you to know that I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

Depression is a real thing, no matter what anyone else thinks. I can look back and remember periods of my life where depression ruled me. Hang in there (I know, easy for me to say) and don't give in to the pain. People care about you, I hope knowing that will help.

I totally know what you're going through. I had a really big falling out with my life this summer that cost me part of my education. Going through that whirled me all kinds of places and landed me in places that I would never dare step foot into again. I was put on meds that made things worse and I slowly worked through it by about this past october. Now things are better, I'm in school, blogging, making polish videos, and living a better life.

I just found your blog, have only read a few posts so far, and I just wanted you to know that somebody out there understands at least some of what you are going through. I have depression and know that thought pattern. You described it well. I get stuck in my imaginary swamp of sadness and stop talking to people too. My depression is seasonal, so every winter I have to do battle with the beast. Keep fighting.

And no, it's not just nail polish. Those shiny bottles contain a way to add color, beauty and joy to your life.