Mowvember causes spate of sick leave due to testosterone deficiency.

A group known as the Mowvember Nazis are thought to be responsible for normally conscientious male employees calling in sick due to feelings of inadequacy. Amid pressure to go unshaven during November and grow a thick moustache to raise money for charity the less hirsute are struggling to keep up with their more Neanderthal brothers.

The Mowvember Nazis are thought to be related to the female equivalent Race-for-life Nazis known for their familiar cry 'Oh you aren't running, so you don't care about cancer then. This is my fifth.' A lot of men would be happy to just write a cheque for cancer research and not have to endure all the competition.

A Mowvember victim who didn’t wish to be named said ‘I’ll just lay low on the sick until the end of the month. It’s not my fault some of us are more evolved than others.