Local dad blossoming into old reactionary conservative

Family and friends of local man James Harding report that the 58-year-old father of three’s political views have become increasingly right-wing and reactionary as he confronts his own mortality.

Alex Brault · CBC Comedy · September 12, 2017

OTTAWA, ON—Family and friends of local man James Harding report that the 58-year-old father of three's political views have become increasingly right-wing and reactionary as he confronts his own mortality.

Harding's wife Ramona was the first to notice his gradual intolerance for people who don't look like him. Ramona claims it began when his hair started thinning and his waistline expanded. "Being angrily fixated on an influx of young immigrant men is a perfectly natural response to the complicated changes going on in his own body," she shared.

Harding disagrees with his wife's assessment, insisting that men only become better looking as they physically decay, and that this is yet another in a long line of biological realities that liberals embarrass themselves by not understanding.

Harding was quickly able to find entire communities of people online who are going through the same transition. "I was just glad to see him making friends," Ramona said, referring to her husband's new hobby of typing up vicious screeds against college kids for upvotes. "He was always shy as a middle-aged man so it was nice to see him finally come out of his shell and express himself. I'll admit I was concerned at first that some of his internet buddies are still in high school, but you know, at the stage of life he's at, there's a strong desire to fit in."

A frequent subject of Harding's ire is that "they" don't share our values and are to blame for the ills of society. Sources close to him have indicated that the word "they" has previously referred to: cultural Marxists, Muslims, immigrants, social justice warriors, college freshmen, regular Marxists, the globalists, and an entity known only as "Soros."

Ramona had this to say about her husband's ideological opponents: "We can hardly keep track of the latest gossip from week to week of who's now responsible for the death of western civilization. I keep telling James that those people who upset him are probably more afraid of him then he is of them, he just slams the door in my face and starts blaring Stefan Molyneux until I leave him alone."

One person who's proud of his father's newfound interests is Harding's son, Elliot.

"He's always going on about what InfoWars had to say about this or that. He called me a cuck the other day and it was the first time in our relationship that I had to go and look something up! It's good to see that even at his age he's engaging with all these new concepts and ideas."

While the family has tried to get Harding to consume other, more mainstream news outlets, he will only roll his eyes and decry them all as totally phony and fake.

"I had to drive dad home from the eye doctor last week and he told me I should shut off the news and red-pill myself with some Alex Jones," said Elliot. "If that's what the conservatives are into these days, then I just don't get it – it sounded like noise to me. I try to remember that dad is culturally very anxious and these people speak to him."

Harding's daughter Catherine concedes that while she is also glad to see her father find a renewed sense of purpose in the face of his growing irrelevance, the transition has been trying: "He gets very emotional, and likes to yell at the TV. We know now to give him his space when that happens."

For his part, Harding remains unapologetic about his newfound self, asserting that the left ended things with him first, and that people just don't understand him because he is an old-fashioned classical liberal.

"I matter," Harding said when reached for comment. "People like me are the last line of defense for traditional values. Values that are still important and will never, ever become embarrassing as they fade into obscurity."