Alec and Miley: Time for a 12-step Twitter program?

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, shes the only authoress at funny freelance. When shes not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as S...

Step 1: Admit you have a problem

What is it about lashing out on Twitter that seems reminiscent of those kindergarten arguments that always ended in, “Oh yeah, well my daddy can beat the tar out of your daddy”? Some celebrities seem to be particularly fond of airing their grievances in this very public way. For a few, it might be time to step away from the Twitter account. You know who you are…

Alec Baldwin

Our darling of the Twitter theater, Alec Baldwin, has once again taken to this social media outlet to lash out at Hank Williams Jr. In response to Williams’ derogatory comments about President Obama, Baldwin tweeted: “If Hank Williams Jr. wasn’t such a pathetic, wheezing fossil, I’d have a talk with him.” Regardless of your opinion about Williams and his comments, one has to exercise a certain amount of self-awareness when it comes to talking smack in such a public forum. How does Alec Baldwin define pathetic? Because one may define it as someone who repeatedly generates headlines by getting into physical altercations with photographers. One might also think it’s pathetic when a 54-year-old actor marries a 28-year-old yoga instructor. If we’re going to play the age card, is Baldwin really in a place to be throwing out the word “fossil” at someone who is nine years older than he is? Baldwin has deleted his Twitter account a couple of times, suggesting he realizes (or his PR staff realizes) he has a problem. Just set down Twitter and walk away. Walk… away. #thoseinglasshouses.

Image courtesy of Andrea Raffin/WENN.com

Miley Cyrus

Miley, Miley, Miley. So many oddities to tweet, so little time. Ah, such is the curse of a Twitter addict. Oh look, there’s a tweeted picture of Miley wearing a see-through skirt. Oh, there she is again in baggy jeans that stirred up a “Is Miley too skinny” controversy. Here she is with a haircut that looks like her hairdresser had a seizure. Don’t look now, but Miley tweeted a Lawrence Krauss quote that included the words “So forget Jesus.” Why, just a few hours ago, Miley deemed it appropriate to brag about how wealthy she is through, are you sitting down? Twitter. In just this brief summary, Miley has managed to offend people who like to eat, Christians, poor people and the organization People Against Super Bad Haircuts. For someone who has been on stage from such a young age, you think she’d be better at gauging her audience. #willdoanythingtogetattention

Image courtesy of WENN.com

Courtney Love

The aforementioned are wannabes in the Twitter abuse category when stacked up against Ms. Love. Courtney loves to use Twitter to broadcast to the world her profane, vulgar, barely coherent rants. One of Love’s more memorable bouts with Twitter vomit went a little something like this: She accused Dave Grohl (Kurt Cobain’s former bandmate) of hitting on Courtney’s daughter, Frances Bean Cobain. Frances and Dave summarily denied the accusation, and Frances said her mother should be banned from Twitter. Love responded by apologizing… on Twitter. #keepingprivatemattersprivateisforsquares

Image courtesy of Michael Carpenter/WENN.com

Lindsay Lohan

Kim Kardashian

If you are one of the 16 million followers of Kim’s tweets, you already know she is on the bikini-pic-a-day program. But Kim has also used Twitter to address haters such as Jon Hamm and Daniel Craig who are baffled and critical of the Kardashian’s success (aren’t we all). Twitter has also served as Kim’s place to engage in digs against exes like Ray J and Kris Humphries. We suspect that like some narcissistic celebrities, Kim uses Twitter to feed her inner, ever-starving attention beast. Tweet away, Kim. At least on Twitter we are spared the sound of your whiny voice that makes us want to pitch ourselves into traffic. #UnlikehervoiceKimstweetsdontmakemyearsbleed