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Pop Goes the Week for Sept. 25

•Paris Hilton was supposed to do 200 hours of community service as a result of her pleading guilty to cocaine possession, but ended up doing 228 hours For some unknown reason she felt excitable and jittery and agitated and sleepless and frantic, so she thought she might as well go pick up some highway garbage.

•John Travolta's 1970 Mercedes-Benz got stolen while he was visiting a Jaguar dealer The fairy godmother of vintage German luxury cars is a strict and jealous mistress.

•Andy Murray says that the top tennis players may strike if the tough tournament calendar doesn't change Says Paris Hilton: “No worries. I'll play all the matches. Against myself. And I'll fetch my own balls. And man the concessions stands.”

•Pippa Middleton went to a wedding wearing “unlucky” green and strappy shoes, which is “absolutely unacceptable for a country wedding” Fortunately for her, it's 2011 so she will merely be ridiculed and not burned at the stake.

•Daniel Radcliffe admits he's never watched Star Wars Fortunately for him, it's 2011 so he will merely be abjured and not burned at the stake.

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•Nick Cannon says that his wife Mariah Carey is working very hard to get her 20-year-old body back Right now she's busy recalibrating the glitter on the time machine.

•Inhabitants of Jennifer Aniston's new neighbourhood are upset photographers are swarming the place Don't they understand that Jennifer needs to have photos taken so as to show Angelina Jolie that she's no longer lonely? Why are some people such selfish haters?

•Marc Anthony cried onstage after his fans sang “Happy Birthday” to him during a concert It's amazing. After 297 years it still gets to him.

•Naomi Campbell's millionaire boyfriend builds her a house shaped like the Eye of Horus Do you hear that, Jennifer Aniston's neighbours: Things could always be worse.

•Barry Manilow and Vince Vaughn both support would-be U.S. presidential candidate Ron Paul No truth to the vicious rumour that they're both just hoping for some choice human wig hair once Paul makes sure all the poor people die.

•Tom Sizemore, arrested on an outstanding warrant this week, claims it was all due to a clerical error and that he already did his community service “And if not,” says Paris Hilton, “I'll do it! I'll do it!”

•David Hasselhoff's girlfriend rejects two marriage proposals Stacy Keibler, Michaele Salahi and Buzz Aldrin's new girlfriend immediately voted to have her ejected from the Gold Digger's Club for dereliction of duty.

•Cast member Taylor Lautner says he was overcome with emotion and cried while watching the upcoming Twilight: Breaking Dawn That's too bad. We hoped it would be at least a bit better than Eclipse.

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