Prime Time Wrestling, shown on the USA Network 21.12.92
The "Panel of Experts" includes Hillbilly Jim (Santa hat), Sergeant
Slaughter, Vince McMahon, Bobby "the Brain" Heenan, and Jerry "the King"
Lawler. Slaughter has a gift for Heenan: A complimentary copy of Mr.
Perfect's WWF Magazine column.
Yokozuna v. Kevin Kruger (Commentary Gorilla Monsoon, Lord Alfred Hayes)
Man, was this match *old*. Monsoon quickly lists off the first six Rumble
Royale participants: Berzerker, DiBiase, Tatanka, Backlund, Undertaker, and
this large man right here.
Slick gives it to ya.
Big Boss Man v. Barry Hardy (Vince McMahon, King Jerry Lawler, Bobby Heenan)
Look, there's a Clown! Wait! What's he doing with that rope? Oh yeah,
Boss Man wins. Wait! He's tripped up! BWAH HA HA HA HA! Enjoy yer trip,
Boss Man? HA HA HA HA HA! Oh, gee, I *hope* he isn't seriously injured.
The Clown, meanwhile, has a seizure.
Sean Mooney, in the Event Center, promises that Santa has a special gift for
Heenan. Heenan responds by making fun of Sean's hair.
Kamala v. Bill Koby (McMahon, Lawler, Heenan) The Fink gets one word in
before Harvey Wippleman grabs the mike. Kamala, of course, gets more
roughing up from Kim Chee than from Koby. Gosh, I really feel for the big,
huggable fella. It's too bad we don't get to hear Lawler tell us how he
*really* feels about his USWA chum.
Rick Martel (sailor suit) v. Brian Costello (Monsoon, Hayes) Hmmm...that
guy looks just like the Dublin Destroyer. I wonder how old THIS match is.
Costello with 1 count, Costello with 2 count, Martel with no count at all,
but that Boston Crab really does wonders.
Mean Gene Okerlund with Update. Rerun of Bret, Bobby, Ric, Razor, Curt,
Gene, Vince, Jerry, Skippy, Happy, Dopey and Doc. Mean Gene: "While I'm not
a big fan of Mr. Perfect..." RIIIIIIGHT...but you will be! Quick Ric/Razor
interview.
Jamison comes out in a God-awful outfit. Turns out that the Santa boxers
he's wearing over his pants are his Christmas present for Heenan.
The Nice Guys v. Chris Allen and Gus Kantarakis (Monsoon, Heenan) Why do
they ask the marks if it's ok to do the pitstop? Why do the marks cheer?
And hey, what's that Clown doing? The gifts for the Nasties turn out to be
foam belts (buy 'em at concessions--cheap!) and a portrait of Money, Inc.
Hmm, I guess the Clown is BAD. The Clown isn't beaten up.
Damien DeFreshMaker v. Kerry Davis (Monsoon, Hayes) De Mentos looks up and
talks to the sky. Davis: "Hey, what're ya lookin' at?" and looks up.
BOOM. Stupid, stoopid ham'n'egger. Inset interview is mighty cryptic.
Hey, he's already got a patent on the Rude Awakening!
Bam Bam Bigelow v. Mike Collins (Monsoon, Heenan) Why yes, this IS a record number
of squashes in a row. I suppose the Titan gang had a Christmas party to go to right
after they made this show, and they made it in a hurry. Bam Bam does the worst half
hour suplex attempt I've seen in a long while.
Panel discusses Bam Bam's tattoo.
Mooney gives us a canned Undertaker interview. Threats for Nailz..."Be on your
guard, Nailz, because you never know when you might be fired ooohh yessss!"
"Mrs. Claus" comes out. Man, I've never seen a Mrs. Claus like THAT before. We
learn that Heenan is on the "naughty" list, and although Mooney is on the "nice"
list, he just hasn't been working hard enough to earn that yacht.
*EL* Matador v. The Stamina Jobber (Monsoon, Hayes) See: Anybody/Spiccoli.
Okerlund with the Rumble Royale Report, sponsored by ICOPRO. Recap of main event,
six names.
Promos: GI Joe, Electronic Talking Battleship ("Yeah!"), Out of Gas Game Boy
cartridge. Conspicuous by it's absence is ICOPRO.
Vince announces that the WWF has signed up the Steiners. Heenan looks puzzled.
"Direct" from WJBK in Detroit are Rick and Scott, wearing Michigan jackets and
ICOPRO T shirts. Quick introduction of a Beverly/Steiner feud. The angle is that
there are two teams of "brothers" in the WWF...
Papa Shango v. Martyr Jannetty (Monsoon, Hayes) I guess this is the feature
matchup, 'cause it isn't a syndie squash. And it only took an hour to get to it.
Shango with choke, punch, headbutt, munch on the skull, change of corners, punch,
Irish whip, and a missed move and run into the post. Jannetty with arm wringer,
reversal into backdrop. Shango drops elbows, lots of other stuff. As Jannetty's
predictable resurgence starts up, we see Shawn Michaels come sauntering down the
aisle with the intercontinental belt. Jannetty, determined not to be distracted,
keeps working on Shango but finally looks away. Sure enough, Shango gets the double
axehandle, more work. But Jannetty dropkicks back into the match, and clotheslines
Shango out of the ring. Michaels, convinced of Janetty's loss, is almost back to
the dressing room when Marty catches up to him and...um...hits him a lot. Needless
to say, Shango wins by countout. I'm just happy we didn't see that voodoo Roman
candle again. It takes awhile for the WWF officials to separate Michaels and
Jannetty.
Rrazor Rramon v. The Pope (Monsoon, Heenan) Heenan knows the words to the "Candid
Camera" theme. Guy in the audience has toothpick.
Mrs. Claus walks into the PrimeTime studio. She has a Jamison mug for Heenan (buy
'em at concessions--cheap!) and WWF mugs for everyone else (see previous
parenthetcial) Heenan offers to take Mrs. Claus on a tour of the studio, and just
as they go offstage, we hear the slap sound effect.
Joe ? interviews Santa's Helpers, who do an amazing Bushwhacker impersonation. For
any of you who missed it, I predicted it last week. Pin a rose on me. Joe gets
licked. Foam urns for all.
Skinner v. Bob Backlund (Monsoon, Hayes) Skinner, amazingly, does not shake hands.
Boy, this match...hm...you know, the wrestling ability...nod...mmph...full nelson...
zzzzzzzzzz...Test of strength: See Backlund/Repo from 2 weeks ago. Backlund with
bridge.
Money, Incorporated v. Lavern McGill and Chris Hawn (McMahon, Lawler, Heenan) Inset
interview has Nasty Boys wanting the belts, Jimmy Hart's head, and Money, Inc. But
can they possibly get the titles before the Steiners take over? Maybe.
Crush v. Dark Destiny (Monsoon, Hayes) "Dark Destiny" looks a lot like "Pain" from
the jobber Executioners, at least he's wearing his suit. The mask is different,
I'll grant you that. "Agony" does NOT make a run in, so Destiny's head pops.
"I saw Bobby Kissing Mrs. Claus" is NOT sung.
Mooney wishes us a Happy Chanakuah (sp?) and oh yeah, Merry Christmas too.
The Undertaker v. Dwayne Gill (Monsoon, Heenan) God, I can't take another squash.
The Headshrinkers v. Dave Morgan and Matthew Williams (Monsoon, Heenan) NO! NO!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Promos: WWF Cartridges, Slim Jim (Macho Man), George Foreman KO Cartridges.
Conspicucous by their absence are WWF Figures and Electronic Hot Shot Basketball.
Could it be that after almost three months they've finally lined up some new (old)
sponsors?
Vince announces a format change. Starting 11 January 1993, the Monday Night WWF USA
shows will be live shows from MSG. Cool! Heenan wonders what he's going to do
since apparently he'll be out of a job.
Bret Hart and Santa. Ho ho ho.
Squashes: 14. (includes Skinner match)
Non-squashes: 1.
Mention of Slam Jam: 0.
I suppose that Vince could be putting on possibly the worst PrimeTimes ever so that
we'll think this new show is gee-whiz great by comparison. Hope not. Next week: a
year end show, and a retrospect (history?) of some great PrimeTime moments.
Christopher Zimmerman =I have my Royal Rumble ticket=
/ kzim@watserv.ucr.edu / kzim@ucrmath.ucr.edu / zimmerma@ucrengr.ucr.edu /