5 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Mum

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My mum died many years ago now when my youngest child was around 12 years old. He is now 22 and somehow even with our move to the city, being immersed in a new job, kids growing up and graduating from school and university, weddings and the arrival of much loved grandchildren, it just doesn't seem that long ago.

Some days I've wanted to talk to mum and tell her about my day, and ask her about hers, and talk about the things of importance in the family and things that are not so important. I've wanted to tell her about her sweet great grandchildren and all the funny little things they get up to and who they are like, and throw around ideas with her of who they will grow up to be. I've wanted to ask her to show me how to bake her meat pies and mouth watering plum tarts as only she could; how to preserve fruit and bake a sponge cake that won't sink in the middle; how to crochet so I can make my daughter a baby blanket for her baby girl.

And I've wanted to ask her how she did it!! How did she take care of us all and wash clothes by hand, and chop wood for the fire, and keep chickens, and darn all our socks and keep the veggie patch tended so well; and do dishes before dishwashers were built into every kitchen and when cleaning meant scrubbing and waxing and polishing, even floors.

How did you do it mum??

And some days I've wanted to touch the soft creases of her face and stroke the silvery grey of her hair and sit and have a cup of tea together and to tell her how much I love her and long for her to come back.

But I'm not as sad any more and I was relieved when she died. She'd suffered enough pain and didn't deserve to go through it any more. Then, I was sad and her passing left a wide gaping hole where my heart used to be. Now, the hole has closed and occasionally the memories wash over me again and my chest clenches tight and I feel the sad pull again.

And it is times such as these that I sit in the stillness and silence of faded memories and I know I should have said - wished I'd said - wanted to say,

Mum I want to tell you;

1 I am thankful for your warm compassionate understanding heart. Mum you parented in a difficult era. A time when kids were 'seen and not heard' where we didn't, couldn't, weren't allowed to express our emotions publicly and boys didn't cry and needed to be tough. But somehow in your own quite way you were sympathetic and compassionate if one of us kids were upset. We could see it in your eyes. If we were hurt at school we just knew that you would understand, would take our side. It wasn't what you said and I didn't tell you how I felt but your calm quiet presence was reassuring. Coming home to you was safe.

2 I am so grateful that you always appeared calm even when annoyed or frustrated with me. You never yelled at me and I can't ever remember a time when you smacked me. I do remember times when a long thin stick would appear from behind the closet when I was trying to test your patience, but it never once swatted me. Just lurked in the background in its own menacing way and did the job it was intended to do.

3 I so appreciate that you worked hard for us and we kids always had home cooked meals on the table; fresh fruit and vegies from your well tended garden to enjoy year round; clean ironed clothes to wear; books to read; a warm house when the weather turned cold and fans in every room to try and help with the heat of summer. And that you loved your garden and grew some of the most beautiful roses I have ever seen.

4 That you had a strong faith and would spend time encouraging us to see God everywhere, In a smile or the gentle touch of a hand; in a small gift of thanks; in a vase of sweet smelling flowers; in the wonder of a full moon and the blue of the sky. And mostly in your philosophy in life that put your family first in everything you did with strength and courage and kindness.

5 That you were a great cookand loved cooking for your family. Your influence gave me my love an appreciation for uncomplicated, healthy fresh food, the courage to create new recipes, and the initiative to cook without one.

My mum has long been gone and there are still many moments in my life when I would love her around; love to sit and chat over tea with her; love her to teach me the things again that I didn't learn too well the first time.

Life goes on and new mum's everywhere are loving and nurturing and teaching their families just like my mum did.

If your mum is still with you, don't wait to tell her how much you love and appreciate her. Today is the best day to love her, now, appreciate her, now, and enjoy her every minute.

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Comments

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Author

Mary 3 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Awww! no wonder this broke your heart Kathleen it's still so fresh in your mind..sorry you lost your mum..and I guess that's why I wrote this one because I am so grateful to her..still..take care

Kathleen Cochran 3 years agofrom Atlanta, Georgia

I just lost my Mom last January. She was 88 and I realize I was lucky to have her in my life for so much of my life. This hub broke my heart and made me see how much more I will miss her as time goes by. It also makes me grateful for the time I was given.

I have to say I don't get to you as often as I'd like, but am thinking to begin a natural beauty board on pinterest and pin some of your excellent hubs..they are fantastic btw..will let you no when they are up..cheers

Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years agofrom Dublin, Ireland

Hi Carter,

What a most wonderful tribute to pay your late mum. My eyes filled with tears as I too lost my mum, now 15 years ago and it left such a void in my life. We were extremely close and she was one person who instilled much of my passions, interests and creative flair by teaching me so much. We all miss her and there is not a day that goes by she is not in my thoughts and it is sometimes overwhelming when times are tough and I just want to be able to talk to her. Thanks so much for a gorgeously written article that truly touched me more than you know.

Voted up, awesome, beautiful and shared!

Author

Mary 4 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Hi Gypsy, thank you for your kind comments and votes..it's never easy to loose your mum but you are so right they stay with us until we meet again..much appreciate the follow..have a great day..cheers

Author

Mary 4 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Thanks so much for dropping by Sue, appreciate your votes etc..I can look back now after years of being a mum myself and honestly appreciate all she did for us..

beingamumishardworkright? :) Cheers

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years agofrom Riga, Latvia

Voted up and beautiful. A wonderful and loving write about your mom. I too have lost my mom but was lucky to have her a great deal of my adult life. I miss her so much but you know moms stay with us and watch over us until we meet again. Passing this on.

Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Carter,

This is a beautiful and very moving tribute to your Mom, a true angel.

Voted up and away and sharing

Have a lovely day. :)

Author

Mary 4 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Thanks Susan..yep just one more conversation, hug,

gentle touch..just one more!!

Thanks for dropping by..take care my friend..cheers

Author

Mary 4 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Oh thank you so much Deb for your comments and link - appreciate it..

Loved that bit about you hearing your mums voice..hope I never forget my mums voice..keep those messages..have a lovely day..

Susan Zutautas 4 years agofrom Ontario, Canada

Beautiful tribute to your mom! I wish I could talk to my mom too.

Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years agofrom Brownsville,TX

OHHH this is precious.. this is how I feel my friend.. I go to pick up the phone to call mom.. I have her voiced saved on my phone.. three different ones.. some days she was weak some she sounded real good.. I ant delete those messages

God bless you

Oh I have linked this hub to my mothers day hub

Debbie

Author

Mary 4 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Oh thanks Nell for dropping by & for your kind comments - Sometimes writing out how you feel is good therapy right?

Cheers

Nell Rose 4 years agofrom England

This was a lovely tribute to your mother, I am sure she would have been very proud of you and what you and your family have achieved. I do know what you feel like, I lost my mum over ten years ago, and still feel like I want to sit and talk to her, my dad too, wonderful hub, nell

Author

Mary 4 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Thanks for your comment Bill..she was a great mum!! I was one of the lucky ones and sometimes stillwishshewashere:) cheers

Bill De Giulio 4 years agofrom Massachusetts

Carter, what a great tribute to your mother. I'm certain she was a wonderful mother and person. We only get one mother in life, we should cherish every moment we get to spend with them. Thank you.

Author

Mary 4 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Oh gosh mours that would have been a terrible time to loose your mum, you poor thing..when you start your family that's the time you need them the most..life is never quite the same again when they go for sure..thanks for dropping by..take care

mours sshields 4 years agofrom Elwood, Indiana

Such a great tribute to your mother! I can really relate to this article. I lost my mother about 15 years ago, when my first son was 2 1/2. One of the hardest things I ever went through. When one's parents die, life changes, for sure. God bless you.

Author

Mary 4 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Thanks Europewalker for your comments & vote..sorry about your mum..this time of the year is def sad for some for sure..take care

Author

Mary 4 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Thank you Mhatter, very kind of you to say..she sure was..cheers

europewalker 4 years ago

Beautiful hub. I share your thoughts. I lost my mom three years ago. Her birthday was May 7, so this time of year makes me miss her even more. Voted up.

Martin Kloess 4 years agofrom San Francisco

What a mum! Thank you for sharing your reflections.

Author

Mary 4 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Oh Mar thank you so much for dropping by & for your sweet comments.. It really was only a minute ago for you yeah? we know it gets easier right?? Just @ times like this the memories wash back over & we so long for another conversation, the smile in her eyes or the warmth of her touch..take care lovely friend..X M

Maria Jordan 4 years agofrom Jeffersonville PA

Oh Dear Mary,

I can so strongly relate to you and the love you will always have for your dear Momma...

I lost my Mom three years ago yesterday, just two days before Mother's Day. Like you, I would be so grateful for one more conversation.

This is as beautiful as you. Love and peace, Maria

Dexi 4 years agofrom New England

Beautiful! Your story brings your Mum to life for all to know.

Author

Mary 4 years agofrom Cronulla NSW

Oh thanks so much Billy for your kind comment & your time..it's a bittersweet time of the year for some of us..stillmissher..cheers

Bill Holland 4 years agofrom Olympia, WA

That was very lovely, Carter. Great tribute to your mother and written with beautiful emotion. Well done!