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Sunday, March 7, 2010

The sEXtacy

Last night, for the first time in a month, I slept the sleep of Joy. Unfettered Joy.

I went to sleep happy. I woke up happy.

I stayed happy all day long. I was beginning to think this would never happen again. If I needed further validation this was my lucky weekend, I woke up to a documentary about doughnuts.

It just goes to show what livin' right will get you. As if giving up swearing for Lent wasn't virtuous enough, I don't like to brag, but well, I'd mitzvah'd my ass off: feeding the hungry; sheltering the cold; tending to the ill and infirm -- all of it. I delivered everything from donuts to laundry.

And last night, well, it all paid off... When one of my favorite couples got back together -- finally enjoying a little Reunion ... Ring-Toss (which everybody knows is second only to Revenge Ring-Toss.... or maybe Vacation Ring-Toss.... although, well, Hotel Ring-Toss is pretty high on the list too; so is MakeUp Ring-Toss). If these two crazy kids can work it out, well, the balance of the universe is now restored a little.

This Reunion Ring-Toss is sweeter than most because, well, I (modestly) take full credit for it. Because this s-Ex-tastic reunion kinda happened on my watch (not literally) -- after my gal had crashed at my place last week for some impromptu dog-sitting I unexpectedly needed. I therefore insist that the entirety of this relationship and any future offspring or happiness they might enjoy is owing entirely to the good ju-ju my bed bestowed on them. We now call it The Magic Mattress (just as I was thinking of burning it). She said, "if the neighbors complain, I'm telling them to ju-ju-You." They want to christen me the "F" Faerie, but it's no fun as long as the Lenten swearing prohibition is in place.

It's a good thing this happened because I had a lot of unintentional karmic damage to undo from this past Winter when I somehow became the typhoid-Mary of relationships. While I was blissfully oblivious and happily involved, couples all around me were dropping like flies. All I had to do was walk through a party or double-date at a movie and lifelong partnerships suddenly crumbled and dissolved in my wake as I left a trail of devastation.... eight miles wide like Sherman through Georgia. My own relationship stayed intact throughout all that, but I somehow became a little Carrier Monkey of Discontent.

And now, I feel redeemed. Confused. But redeemed.

Definitely this was the most joyous I ever felt about any Sex-with-An-Ex I wasn't directly involved in.

Heck, I think it might be the most joyous I've felt about even sex I have been involved in.