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As a Los Angeles native, I’ve grown up around the rich, the famous and the drug-addled mentally ill that make up Hollywood. My therapist believes that the majority of celebrities have a personality disorder of some kind, most likely narcissism. And yes, those of us who perform for a living have some degree of insanity (myself included…did I mention I’m in therapy?). But what the hell is happening with Charlie Sheen? I’ve been watching him for a while now wondering how long it takes for a huge star to asshole his way out of show business. Turns out, it takes beating up a few hookers in a hotel room (allegedly), going in and out of rehab a baker’s dozen times and trashing talking execs. At one point, he had a sober living coach. Too bad he doesn’t have a “stop being a fucktard coach”. Finally, this guy got fired. If Sheen was Charlie the cab driver, he’d have been unemployed ages ago.

On a human level, what is going on here? It always amazes me how someone with all the money and fame in the world can be such a colossal waste of human garbage. There are people in this country struggling to pay mortgages and put food on the table and this spoiled actor can’t pull it together to say a few lines of dialogue once a week and MAKE MILLIONS doing it? It makes me angry enough to beat the shit out of Denise Richards – allegedly. My favorite TV doctor, Drew Pinsky has some insight into all of this mess. Finally someone has the balls to come and say that a huge star is likely mentally ill. He said that Sheen is possibly Manic Depressive and “it’s getting scary guys, so hold on tight.” I love it. That clip can be seen here:

There’s no shame in being mentally ill. Hell, I’ve got a few family members that are certifiable. But Hollywood is terrified of admitting that a major star may be chemically imbalanced. The whole juggernaut functions on the premise that celebrities are above us and worthy of admiration. I often think of Marilyn Monroe, the hugest icon of Hollywood. Did you know it’s rumored that she had approximately 13 abortions? Abandoned by her mentally ill mother at the age of 2, Marilyn was raised in various orphanages and foster homes. She inherited her mother’s mental illness and eventually cultivated a nasty pill habit. I know that’s a major boner killer, but it’s interesting to think about. Whenever I get angry about douchebag actors ruining what seems to me to be a perfectly good life, I remember they’re likely batshit crazy. And no amount of money can help you if you refuse to stop the craziness. I wish Charlie Sheen the best and hope he welcomes the help he apparently needs. In the meantime, I will buckle up and enjoy the crazy train ride! WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”

I’m sorry Indy but I have to vent. I just woke up an hour before my flight to the Hoosier State lands. After 15 years of flying to gigs, you’d think I could figure out how to be passed out the entire flight.

I’ve tried reading the magazines in the pouch in front of me but all they have is Sky Mall. I think that’s one of my goals in life: To be wealthy enough to shop out of Sky Mall magazine. So to kill time and land with a good attitude, I thought I would dump this shi_ on you’re plate.

I have the computer on my lap because the seat in front of me is reclined back so far my computer won’t fit on the tray table. My ass is numb from trying to find a position to sleep. And somebody in close proximity is passing gas that would make a pig’s knees buckle. I know it’s not something she ate on the plane because THEY DON’T GIVE YOU ANY DAMN FOOD! They didn’t even give us those awesome “Biscoff” cookies.

Anyway, something strange happened. There were three people in my row when I went to sleep. I woke and there were two. Either I was snoring or she couldn’t take intermittent stank. Unfortunately, I think I know the real reason. She had the middle seat and the person to her left was a bit of a biggins. That brings me to this. When are the airlines gonna have a big people section? I can deal with the kids. I have noise canceling headphones thanks to Dr. Dre. Now all he has to do is come up with headphones that make big people smaller. Not permanently, just for the flight. Because we need big people in every day life. For things like…

you know what? Lets move on to something else.

Hell I don’t even remember where I was going with all this crap. Sorry about that, I didn’t take my A.D.D. meds before I left this morning. I guess what I wanna say is dealing with all this crap getting to Indy is worth it. You may not know it, but I am from Wisconsin. HOW”> ‘BOUT THOSE PACKERS!!!!! Sorry ‘bout that outburst. I have a great appreciation for people in the Midwest in general. We’re tough! We hunt, we wear only a sweater in sub-zero temps, and we have outdoor football stadiums. OOPS… sorry Indy. But I don’t hold that against you. I know you’re tough. Indiana has a small private school that almost took down Duke in the NCAA tourney, you are one of the top states to represent our military per capita, and you refuse to change you’re clocks. THAT IS BAD ASS!

Well Indianians, my flight is about to land. Thanks for letting me vent. I can only pay you back by making you laugh. So come out to the show this week and I will do my part. This club has a special place in my heart. Cracker’s Downtown is the first club that I ever headlined some 12 years ago.

As you know, the infamous Etta May is performing in Broad Ripple this week! Take this opportunity being stuck indoors today to create an Etta May -inspired outfit, take a picture, and post it to our facebook page! Then, wear your new outfit out this week as Etta May performs Wednesday through Saturday at Crackers Comedy Club in Broad Ripple! Remember, Wednesday night is ladies night, and Thursday night is College ID night! Get your tickets online now!

Etta May will pick the BEST-DRESSED picture and the winner will get a pair of tix to see Etta May on Friday night!

Yes, we know that one awful, horrible Christmas/Thanksgiving/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa has been haunting you. It’s time to vent. And instead of paying US for this therapy session, we’ll pay YOU – in the form of free tickets to see Paul Mecurio this week at Crackers Comedy Club in Broad Ripple!

Just tell us/show us your worst Xmas/Holiday ever! Got a video? Great! Snapped a pic? Excellent! Just want to tell us the story? OK. Just post here below, and make sure to include your:
1. Name
2. Phone #
3. email address
4. Story/Picture/Video of the worst Holiday you’ve had!

Paul himself will revel in laughing at you, but then he’ll pick the winner(s)!

Greg Warren is one of my dearest friends and during a recent convo with him I realized he’s looking forward to his NYE here as much as I am!

Now living in St. Louis, Greg will be performing in Broad Ripple this week, alongside one his comedy “besties” Jeremy Essig! I know Greg has a lot of fans here in Indy, so here’s the scoop on Greg:

Where can you stalk him?

It’s only guaranteed that Greg will go 2 places (besides Crackers, of course), and that’s the Cheesecake Factory, and Starbucks. We’ve all tried to convert Greg to a “locavore”, but when he’s in town he just can’t get enough of the Cheesecake Factory.

What’s he working on?

New material, of course! He’ll be trying out some at this week’s shows!

What can YOU expect?

You can expect the unexpected. Every Greg Warren show is a surpise – one of his (and mine!) favorite show memories is ending the show with a round of Karaoke…

So come out and add your hyjinx to the mix this New Year’s Eve! Call us now for a reservation at 317-255-4211

We know you don’t have plans for tonight (really, you’re watching the Colts game?…) so come enjoy some hilarity for free!

If you bring in 2 boxes of dry pasta tonight, you’re in for FREE! We’re collecting donations for Second Helpings for the Holidays – so please help us by donating at least 2 boxes of pasta – fusilli, spaghetti, linguini, penne, bowtie, rainbow macaroni – anything goes!

Tonight in Broad Ripple you can see John Evans! John is a regular on the syndicated Bob and Tom radio show, and headlines comedy clubs all over the country. John has opened for such comedy legends as George Carlin, Mitch Hedberg, Lewis Black, Dave Chapelle, and Gary Shandling.

And, performing downtown tonight, is Jon Roy! Jon has appeared in the prestigious 2004 US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, as a square on “Hollywood Squares,” and on HBO, and on Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend” and CBS’s “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”.

Two great comics – choose either location! Just bring in the pasta, and get in free!

(2-drink minimum still applies in the showroom. Don’t forget to tip your waitstaff!)

We’re definitely aware of the side-splittingly funny local comics we have right here in Indianapolis. They reside in our little communities, like Broad Ripple, Fountain Square, and the notorious West Side, and more and every week they get up on stage and represent. But we got to thinking, maybe YOU don’t know that!

You can catch great local comics like Jeff every week at Crackers! Starting with Open Mic Night on Tuesday nights! You’ll see veterans like Marques Bunn and Matt Holt, as well as rookies; plus some great regional talent, and often a big name surprise or two!

The best part? You can see Open Mic night FREE – just CLICK HERE for a super coupon! And while you may be Black Friday’d out and recovering from Cyber Monday, you’re not done shopping YET! Don’t forget to SHOP LOCAL – and the best way to do that? Give the gift of comedy! That’s right, purchase Crackers Comedy Club gift certificates for your friends, family, and co-workers this Christmas! They’ll laugh WITH you, not AT you. Visit one of our clubs or call 317-255-4211.