Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I would like to extend an invitation to any of you (the victims) to come together and meet each other. There will be total privacy, total safety, and only victims will be present. We will keep the time, date and location private. I will explain more to you directly when you contact me via email.

The purpose will obviously be to have an outlet, a safe one, among people who have walked in your shoes. Only victims of this can truly understand the feelings you have, can relate to you, can cry with you, can encourage you, and finally can strengthen you. We can minister to each other and pray together and for divine restoration. The Lord surely wants us all to heal, and help each other constructively. He has great things for each of us.

All ages of girls or women affected by this man are welcome. Even if you are an adult woman who found yourself in a relationship with him and feel great shame, that was his plan. He hoped you would remain ashamed. Don’t let that keep you away. For those of you who are minors, your parents are welcome to be there with you. Obviously the parents of minors are victims as well as they place their innocent children in the hands of a trusted leader. However, I would like this to remain for victims only (for privacy reasons and to allow openness). Any concerns or questions you may have I will be glad to answer. Any suggestions as well.

My goal with this blog and with speaking out has always been two sided: One side is to put an end to this man’s abuse of women and girls, or atleast his ability to prey within the church from a position of power. Then, secondly to help any of his victims to find healing and put the shame behind them. To create a supportive network of survivors that can help each other heal and find strength to move beyond this.

Mainly, I would like to know how many of you are interested. Please send me an email and we will see where we go from there. Again, your information will be completely confidential. I will not use your name or email in any way even between other victims.

Can we make this happen?? Do you think it is something you would like to do??

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

This has been written by a very courageous woman who is an abuse survivor. She and her husband are working to not only inform people of this vast problem but also give a ray of hope to those attempting to heal from an abuse situation by a trusted Pastor. As a victim, you are sure to see yourself mirrored in the words below, I hope it helps to break the chains of shame and fear surrounding you. For those of you who may be family members of an abused person, or just someone interested in all of this, I hope that you find understanding and gain more compassion for those who suffer at the hands of a trusted spiritual leader.You can write to the author and also read more at the blog link below:http://www.sharonsrose.org/

How does CSA happen?

Clergy Sexual Abuse (CSA) happens when a member of the clergy abuses his power and authority to prey upon a congregant to harm the congregant for self-gratification. In most cases, the victim is a child or an adult woman. There is usually more than one victim. Sex is used as a weapon in this act of violence. Regardless of the degree of physical violence, CSA is always a violent act.

CSA can involve a sudden sexual assault on an unsuspecting victim, but in most cases, CSA doesn’t happen “over night.” Usually, CSA happens over a long period of time “under the noses” of most or all in the congregation.

What does CSA look like?

Every case of CSA is different. However, there are similarities to many cases.

Child CSA: The perpetrator falls into one of several psych categories: (1) Underlying severe psychiatric disorder; (2) Sociopathic/severe narcissistic per-sonality disorders; (3) Sexual impulse disorders; (4) Chronic neurotic and Isolated; (5) Situational offenders; and (6) Naive.1 The victim is a child or teenager under the age of 18. The victim is vulnerable simply because he or she is a child.

Adult CSA: The perpetrator falls into one of several categories as stated above. The victim is an adult (usually a woman), age 18 or older. The victim is not responsible for the sexual acts with the per-petrator. The victim is not an adulteress. It is not an affair. The victim is vulnerable for many reasons, including just being present in the congregation.

Most CSA cases go through phases. Each phase can last days, weeks, months, or even years._________1Gary Richard Schoener. “Not As a Stranger: Evaluating Offenders.” Safe Church Advanced Training for Episcopalians: Lake Morey Resort, VT. Feb. 11, 2003. pp. 9,10.What are the Phases of CSA?

While the particulars are different in each case, perpetrators usually go through two main phases in committing the act of clergy sexual abuse. After the act is committed, there are yet three more phases in store for the victim.

The Perpetrator establishes and develops a relationship with the Victim.

Part Two, Grooming Phase:

The Perpetrator establishes and develops nonphysical Trust, Intimacy, andSecrecy with the Victim.

Phase 2: THE PHYSICAL PHASE

Part One, Physical Phase:

The Perpetrator “innocently” touches the Victim in ways that seem appropriate (i.e., hugs, pats on shoulder, etc.). Trust, Intimacy and Secrecy are intensified. The Perpetrator is waiting for the right moment to attack.The Victim has no idea the relationshipwill become sexual.

Part Two, Physical Phase:

The Perpetrator sexually touches the Victim in ways that are NOT appropriate. The Victim is brainwashed to believe it is “okay.” The Victim experiences shock and trauma. Secrecy is maintained. This is the part of CSA that iscriminal sexual assault.

Phase 3: THE DISCOVERY PHASE

The Victim realizes the relationship with the Perpetrator is really sexual abuse, and may or may not find the courage to tell someone. The Victim may or may not seek counseling in this phase. The Victim may feel relief or other emotions as he/she finally understands.

Phase 4: THE TELLING PHASE

The Authorities (usually church leaders, e.g., elders, bishops) are informed of the abuse. The Authorities should seek to address the issue, and hold the Perpetrator accountable for his actions. Many churches/denominations have a procedure for handling CSA cases. If handled properly, there will be a stronger outcome for a more rapid recovery of the Victim, as well as the church community. If Authorities collude, healing for the church is obstructed. If the Victim is not believed, blamed, or no longer welcomed, the Victim will experience further shock and trauma.

Phase 5: THE RECOVERY PHASE

Part One, Recovery Phase:

The Victim will experience depression and will need professional help for what happened. As the Victim begins the process of healing, the Victim will need support from family, the church and the community.The Victim is a “Survivor.”

Part Two, Recovery Phase:

The Survivor gets healing for the wounds, regains wholeness, and is able to “move on” after CSA. The Survivor becomes a “Thriver.”

Scripture

Psalm 17:8-13 says, "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings from the wicked who assail me, from my mortal enemies who surround me. They close up their callous hearts, and their mouths speak with arrogance. (vs.13) Rise up oh Lord, confront them, bring them down; rescue me from the wicked with your sword."