Wednesday, June 02, 2010

The Gores At the Tippering Point

I've hated Tipper Gore ever since she started her anti-music crusade when I was a teenager; if that pious freedom-hating prude had had her way, it would have been illegal for me to buy most of my favorite albums. I've hated Al Gore ever since I heard him give a speech saying that for save-the-earth reasons, nobody should have more than two kids (what bothered me wasn't the sentiment itself so much as knowing it came from a hypocrite who already had four children at the time). And now the Gores are separating, after being married longer than I've been alive.

Too bad. If they're separating that presumably means they'll no longer be having sexual relations, which means I'll never live out my personal fantasy of learning the two of them died after choking on each other in flagrante soixante-neuf. Dang.

2 Comments:

I used to work with a nurse who had this fantasy execution method for patients she really hated: give him a spinal block from the neck down, tie him naked to a table with a mirror overhead, cut off his penis and stick it in his mouth, and then let him watch himself choke to death on his own dick as he goes unconscious from blood loss.

In her defense, I have to say that this was the VA, and between watching a third of our patients at any given time to head off the DTs, and all the junkies up at the desk demanding pain meds, she wasn't much more hostile than the rest of us.

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About Me

Jennifer Abel is an American writer who began her career in print media three minutes before the Internet killed the industry. After starting at a small Connecticut daily she moved to the Hartford Advocate, an alt-weekly where her journalistic coups included infiltrating a Furries convention and working on a phone sex line (which fired her six hours later). Since then she’s written for, or been reprinted in, dozens of print and web outlets, including Playboy, the Guardian, Salon, AlterNet, Mashable, the Daily Dot and pretty much every website with the words "cannabis" or "legalize it" in the title. Once, when she was young and naïve and needed the money, she unwittingly edited SEO copy for a spammer. However, in light of the spambot comments she’s deleted from her own blogs since then, she figures she’s more than repaid that particular karmic debt. Jennifer is currently looking for professional, non-spam writing jobs; interested editors are enthusiastically invited to e-mail her.