Current Situation

Sitting on my bed, listening to the many noises my stomach is making after eating a spaghetti carbonara ready meal. I should stress, I have IBS.

Welcome! That’s a great way to start a first entry in a journal. Seriously though, you’d think Zeus was kicking up a storm inside of me and I’m actually worrying – already considering to tell my mum to phone an ambulance.

Okay getting back to the point (was I even on the point to begin with?), I basically have a very busy mind. Not in the way that I would call myself an intellectual, but more, a lunatic. So I decided, why not start a journal and write all my thoughts down for everyone to read and judge me over. I’ll also add, I’ve started about 8 journals before this one, and they are currently forlorn somewhere on the World Wide Web, so right now the future success of this one is not looking promising.

I’m realising that I’m making it sound as if this journal will be a laugh, I really hadn’t intended that. I am in fact very deep in thought at the present moment, and pretty much torn up inside, and guess why… (I’m a 20 year old single female so I’ll give you one guess), oh yeah, a 20 year old single guy! Who’d have thought?

Again, I should stop making this sound like a romcom, because I can tell you, there’s a 99.9% chance that it’s not going to end the way those things normally do.

So I’ll quickly explain the current situation. He works at my local gym, and we met when I started taking one of his classes. He became my personal trainer, and I’m now in love with him. Ok, that does sound like a romcom *sigh*. So since I’m well aware that it’s extremely unlikely that a personal trainer would ever ask out a client, I’ve (kind of) decided that I should probably be the one to make a move and ask him out instead. Only problem is, rejection city is the last place I ever want to visit, but not knowing is making me go bat shit crazy! (Oh, first swear..) And also, I don’t think he likes me in that way, mainly due to the fact that I don’t see myself as very attractive, and I’m about 2 stone heavier than I’d like to be – usual, am I right?

Anyway that’s the jist. Again, great way to end a first entry. My thought process is going at the speed of lightning (another shoutout to Zeus), and the whole situation is making me feel sick. Legit, being lovesick is a real thing people. Now I shall finish this entry by leaving you with some wise words: “Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game”. Damn I was kind of joking about the wise words, I was going to quote some stupid song lyric but then I remembered this from A Cinderella Story and I’ve basically just solved my own dilemma. How about that.