Monday, November 21, 2011

This year I am hitting my stride. I was hit hard with the mid-life 'where should I be in my life right now' and what I want to do with my life. The past year I had the honor of being involved in a variety of wonderful events and make great memories.

What I know now is that I have healed and learned a lot more than I think. I am not where I want to be but I am surely not where I used to be. My friends are going through some rough times and talking with them about their issues made me realize just how far I have come and how much chaos people are willing to put up with in their lives. It also made me question the amount of chaos I once lived with daily.

I am in a place where life is good. I am thankful for the distance I have traveled. As I continue on this journey it is alright with me to stand in my current place on this journey and thank my Creator for bringing me this far. It is alright for me to share the wisdom from a higher power with my friends (because I know it is not me talking sometimes). It is alright to be cautious and take my time when getting to know people.

It is alright to trust myself and say 'no' to allow time for me. It is alright to stand in my place, stand in my skin...

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Twitter will give you news first. It may not always be accurate or have many details but you will stay up to date on a lot of things if you are on Twitter.

Yesterday Twitter lit up with the news of Heavy D's death. I have always been a fan of Heavy D, going back to when it was Heavy D and the Boyz. Back in the 90s every good party had a few Heavy D hits mixed in the playlist. I remember dancing in the car as I drove to and from college and the parties that were sure to make you tired and late for work the next day. Not only was his music great but the videos always featured great dancers and Heavy could move!!!

I usually do not post tributes to entertainers but with Heavy D it is different. Death is surrounding me this month and it brings me back to my reflection. People had an outpouring for Heavy D that was different than others. The reoccurring theme about him is he was always positive. He always wanted to be the best at what he did. As I jammed in my car on the way home during the tributes I realized every song was uplifting, every song made you want to move and not one disrespected women or himself. Not only did he have that approach as a rapper but also as an actor. Going after acting with the same gusto as he did with music.

That is a unique legacy within itself. As I reflect on that and how difficult it is to successfully execute such a positive light in today's society I remember his last Tweet....

"Be Inspired"

I leave you with some great music from the Overweight Lover. I know it will make you dance and smile. I enjoyed all of his music, even the latest album, so I would be remiss to tell you these are my favorites. They are just a sampling of my favorite Heavy D songs, as that list is HUGE!

From the first Album Living Large, 1987Mr. Big Stuff

From the second Album Big Tyme, 1989We Got Our Own Thang

From the third Album Peaceful Journey, 1991Now That We've Found Love

From the fourth Album Blue Funk, 1993Blue Funk

From the eighth Album Vibes, 2008Long Distance Girlfriend

Rest in peace Heav, you did a remarkable job here on earth with the gifts you were given.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

November is my birth month and each year I take the time to reflect on my life and the past 12 months before I add another year onto my age. A friend asked if I read this book and said she was buying it. My cheapness immediately made me google it and see if it is my local library. I plan to read it during my annual birthday retreat, the time I take off work around my birthday and Thanksgiving to spend with friends and reflect before the hustle and bustle of Christmas.

I do not travel much for Thanksgiving and no matter how much my mother lays on the guilt trip I stick to my reasonings and stay my butt at home. I know my budget and I know what I can/can not do and my family will be here at Christmas. I will see everyone then.

But...

This letter to my younger self thing...it had me thinking. What would I tell my younger self? So with that in mind, I write:

Dear Younger Self,

You are a beautiful woman with a warm spirit. It is okay to be yourself at any cost. You will be tested and at times you will feel as if life is beating you up but you know what? You will survive. Do not allow other people to tell you who you are and what you can and can not do.

Your mother is trying her best but sometimes she will not get it right. She will make mistakes and it is okay for you to have your opinion. Learn from her mistakes. She will repeat them but you do not have to. Oh, and that goes for your father as well.

Oh honey, it is okay to walk away from that relationship even if you think you will be embarrassed. Always trust your gut, it very rarely steers you in the wrong direction. That relationship with him will not get better. He will show you who he is and your only job is to listen. Better yet, when you have that "I don't know" feeling about dating him, follow it. Actually, follow that instinct every time you feel it and you will be just fine.

Enjoy your Granny. Enjoy each day, holiday and talk you have with her. She will be taken away much too soon and you will miss that time with her almost every day. It gets easier but you will miss her. Oh, and write down that biscuit recipe and place it in a safe place because your mother loses it and no one else has it.

Take the leap of faith. There are plenty of FANTASTIC career paths out there that you have no idea about. Look into them, research them, ask around. You are so much more than anyone gives you credit for.

Not everyone will reciprocate the love you give but do not force yourself to ration it. If they can not return it then simply move on. That goes for all types of relationships. You can not fix anyone so do not waste time trying to do so. Also, you can not love someone past their pain. What you can do is love someone after they have dealt with their pain. THAT is the truth. Point. Blank. Period!

When the time comes, embrace your sexuality. Find your comfort level and do not allow anyone to take that from you or alter it in any way. You will find a balance and it does not include dressing provocatively. You are one of the few women who are not "girly" and still exude great sensuality. Trust me, men will see it and it will separate the men from the boys!

Life is so precious and short. Live each day and find something that makes you smile each day. You will grow into a fantastic woman.

I am a creative mind. One who is truly in love with the process of making a beautiful finished product. I love the comfort of old friends. The feeling of just being myself - from the person who says whatever is on her mind to the one who retreats from the world because she has had enough.