Hidy-ho there, neighbors! This is an update of last year’s Attend the PASS Summit from Home blog. I’ll be updating this over the next few days, so keep your eyes out…

You there, sitting in your cube and fuming at all the PASS Summit talk: you couldn’t talk your company into sending you to PASS this year, could you? Or, you got on the bandwagon too late. Whatever the reason, you’re stuck working next week, and you’re mad. We feel your pain, and we’re here to help.

Presenting…

The MidnightDBA Virtual PASS Summit*!

*Not actually endorsed by PASS

We want to make you as much a part of the Summit as you possibly can be – again! - so we’re going to do everything we can to bring the event to you. We have put together an schedule of PASS and PASS-related events and sessions that you can take part in through the week of October 10-14. Keep an eye on this page (and my blog!) throughout the Summit – I will add more events as they become available…including perhaps live speaker and attendee interviews!

Some of these items are live streamed, and some are recorded.

NOTE: All times listed are Eastern!

ALSO NOTE: If you follow this schedule to the letter, you’ll get in several hours of training, 3 full keynotes, a luncheon, a Birds of a Feather session, several social events, 5 new pounds, approximately 30 miles of walking, a day of kilt-wearing, and a lot of exposure to groups, resources, vendors, attendees, authors, and speakers. That’s really not bad for not paying a dime! And, it’ll teach you to get on the ball sooner next year, to get all this and more in person.

Sunday

Simulate the irritation of traveling to the Summit by packing everything you’ll need this week into 2 suitcases, one of which may or may not be checkable. Before you get into your car, wait in an imaginary line just inside your front door for half an hour with shoes, belt, cell and laptop held in small boxes. Lose the “checked” piece of luggage in your trunk and do without it for the week. Arrive and settle in.

Monday

Go ahead and feel jealous of the people currently attending pre-cons – many of us at the Summit didn’t register for one, so we do, too. Prepare the Twitter client of your choice (I like TweetDeck), being sure to follow the #sqlpass hashtag. Follow @sqlpass and @MidnightDBA and tell us how totally #awesomesauce we are.

9:00am: Have yourself a local Photowalk just like the one in Seattle – walk around downtown YourTownsVille and take pictures of awesome stuff. Tweet about it, and post the pictures to impress your friends. And/or…

6:00pm – Get together after work with some local SQL cohorts who also couldn’t make it to PASS.

Bedtime: Sleep the wrong way round on your bed, to make it seem as if you’re sleeping in an unfamiliar room. Make sure the bedclothes are tucked far, far underneath the mattress, for that “hotel bed” feel.

Tuesday

Day: To get that “I just drank from an intellecual firehose for 8 hours” feel of a precon, do nothing today except read something advanced by Joe Celko, Kalen Delaney, or Itzik Ben-Gan. For 8 hours. Then take some aspirin.

Wednesday

From here on out, you should walk around your building twice between every segment of every day, to get the experience of walking around the Seattle conference center between sessions. But you can do it while snacking on too much fruit, nuts, cookies, candy, and coffee-flavored tea (or tea-flavored coffee).

8:15am LIVE - Watch the live streamed Wednesday Keynote with Ted Kumert (I will get you this link as soon as I find it). Live blog it.

Day - Pick two to four sessions from the recorded 24HOP session on SQLPass.org (login required). Spend the rest of the time you would be in sessions talking to your coworkers about how awesome/flawed SQL Server is.

Also be sure to take advantage of the heightened Twitter presence by asking all your most pressing SQL questions using the #sqlhelp hashtag. It’s your very own personal Ask the Experts session!

7:00pm Virtual - Order in something yummy and keep track of the highly vulgar, entertaining, and exclusive P.U.S.S. Inappropriate Sessions event via the hashtag #PUSS2011 on Twitter. Come up with your own Inappropriate session and blog/tweet/present it to your cat / local bar crowd. Remember to swear a lot, and assign someone the job of randomly shouting “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID”. Give yourself something random as an award.

Bonus points for finding a karaoke bar afterward, and shutting it down.

Thursday

Morning: Dress in your spiffiest kilt for #SQLKilt Thursday; throughout the day, treat anyone who is NOT wearing a kilt as silly and out of the loop. Grab coffee out, and eat yogurt, cantaloupe, and cold pastries for breakfast. Grumble about this to whoever is standing near.

8:15am LIVE - Watch the live streamed Wednesday Keynote with Ted Kumert (I will get you this link as soon as I find it). Live blog it.

11:30 am LIVE - Pick up lunch from the same buffet-style restaurant as yesterday, and watch the live streamed Women in Technology luncheon (link when I get it). See if it doesn’t surprise you, and blog about it. (Here is the recording of last year’s WIT luncheon.)

3-5:00pm Virtual - Tweet us questions while Sean is manning the Ask the Experts table as a Powershell guru. (I may have the time wrong on this, but hey, tweet us anyway.)

Evening: Go out to your local Gameworks with some friends. Challenge them to that dance game, and use your kilt to your best advantage.

Friday

Morning: Grab coffee out, and eat cantaloupe and cold pastries for breakfast (PASS is now out of yogurt). Grumble emphatically about this to whoever is standing near.