Vail Daily column: Nose firmly stuck in air

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Oh, boy. There they go again. Aspen folk trashing Vail and patting themselves furiously on the back that they are not like us.

They are so, so much better, brighter, more ethical, more cultured — not to mention cooler and richer.

Got it. Y’er the greatest. Whatever.

One of my favorites was a couple of years ago reading a columnist in one of Aspen’s papers who was outraged at our paid parking, which in Vail I’m not crazy about either during the winter. Only he was writing about Beaver Creek, which of course has large lots of free parking year-round.

This from a place that charges all year for the privilege. Even Vail doesn’t do that. The writer somehow forgot that little fact about his own sainted town while calling the kettle black.

Most recently, it was our sister paper’s ex-editor pooh-poohing Vail’s cheap and big hotels and “endless” lift lines while railing on about a report that Aspen was charging big bucks for comparatively crappy rooms that have, well, kind of gotten old and worn out.

Only in Aspen can Vail be clipped for being cheap and built for the masses. Love it. It’s kind of a nice relief with everyone else banging on Vail for being too new, too luxurious, too pricey and generally too all fancy pants. Never mind Beaver Creek, which — gasp — is so hoity toity that they provide escalators and warm cookies to the highest demographic in the land.

Aspen holds itself above all this, of course, and especially all of our alleged “fast-buck,” slap-up-and-dash developers. Vail’s just a midway at the migrant carnival to Aspen’s Buckingham.

Uh, huh.

We definitely lack movie stars acting out, retail pot shops, traffic, Prada. Gucci and this simmering little jealousy or whatever it is that drives the endlessly smug putdowns that so animate the Aspenites.

They are like the aging socialite catting about a younger, prettier gal who is less affected to boot.

I’m not sure an Aspen person can get through a day without heh-hehing “at least we’re not Vail” snarky asides with similar-thinking friends when they can’t find something else more interesting to talk about.

Vail folks seldom think about Aspen at all, unless some star or starlet has gotten themselves thrown in jail or to go see a headliner at the Aspen Jazz Festival, which honestly doesn’t seem to be much about jazz when we’re talking about musicians such as Bob Dylan, the Black-Eyed Peas or Neil Young.

I mean, I don’t mind them taking on airs as the smartest, coolest person in the room and everyone has to know it. Just means less of that nonsense in my town, ya know?

So now they’ve been called out on their crappy hotel room stock and somehow that’s Vail’s fault. Apparently, guests should eschew the reality of higher quality in our bourgeoisie claptrap that renovated with the times in favor of ratty ’70s carpeting, worn sheets, fading paint, chipped tables and so on because Aspen, well, Aspen obviously is a cut above.