If you're not decorating the streets of the world's most romantic city with vomit and bile (and being subsequently hospitalized), you simply aren't doing Paris right: This is the Amy Schumer precedent.

Schumer, who's in the running for Best Actress in a Comedy Series at the Emmy Awards on September 18, was feeling less than award-worthy yesterday (September 12) after a seemingly powerful bout of food poisoning. Schumer first shared a photo of herself and boyfriend Ben Hanisch suffering in bed post-puke.

"Thanks for everything Paris! Except the food poisoning," she captioned the shot. Then things seemed to get worse.

Schumer proceeded to offer followers a bird's-eye view into her consequent hospital stay, jokingly noting "No red flags with this girl" on an image of her in a gurney. In an apparent state of delirium, Schumer also took the opportunity to record an old-school dating ad, and marketed her love of "music and food" as romantic sells to prospective partners.

"Hi! This is my first time making one of these videos, but, you know, it's a new time. My name is Amy. I'm 35. I love just grabbing life by its horns and experiencing everything...I really just want someone to share all of that with. So, I'm taking a chance," she said.

At some point during the ordeal (the timeline is a little hazy), Schumer tried to heal her aches and pains by eating chicken broth with a ladle, because spoons are convention and who needs it.

A speedy recovery to Amy! We'll hopefully see her at the Emmys, this Sunday night at 7 PM EST on ABC.