“Everything happens for a reason”

by Xenia Makridou

The first time I deleted my Facebook was two Christmases ago. Everyone was so incredibly surprised, they’d ask why I did all the time! I’d just say something like: “I was too bored”, or “I hate Facebook”, or “I want to start fresh”. Whatever my response, they seemed satisfied. The reason why I deleted my Facebook the first time was because I wanted to start a new one, a Facebook which I’d take much care to make look pretty, and mature. And this was because of James. I had this secret hope I’d meet him that summer, when I’d travel to states. I wanted my Facebook to be suitable (haha).

Anyway, the second time I deleted it was because I felt like I was spending my life on there! I can last forever without it – this is not a problem for me. I felt relieved and happy without it, yet as time passed, I became more and more miserable. Indeed, I didn’t have to worry about what was going on on Facebook, but I did feel the need to express myself. I think this is why I wanted it back. I could write a status on my feelings, or visit a page with funny pictures to make me feel better, I don’t know exactly what it was. (Even when I didn’t have Facebook, I could still visit James’ profile.)

I have now deactivated my Facebook. The only reason why I ever had Facebook the past two years was because of James. Everything that I posted – every single thing – was meant for him. I wanted to show him who I was through the social media, as I couldn’t in person. This is a topic for another post, but to sum it up, I didn’t care what anybody else thought, I just posted whatever I thought relevant for him. And when he ‘liked’ something, I was happy.

But now it’s different. I don’t know if I’m over him, but I’m too tired and sad these days to care about my Facebook posts. He just turned 22, two days ago. After that, I deactivated.