and loves every second of it

In a world gripped by nuclear fear after the Fukushima disaster, tightened regulations have discovered leaks in thousands of power plants around the world. Shockingly, these unregulated breaches were discovered to be the result of cash-saving measures. The stations were purposely designed to let poisons escape into the environment to save money.

“The disasters are literally breath-taking” said project lead Dr Slake. “We visited thousands of power plants, and every single one had at least one huge leak openly pouring waste products into the surrounding area.”

The leaks include sulphur dioxide, clouds of respirable particulate matter, and are the major source of methylmercury poisoning of the food chain. Coal power plants are major contributors to the air pollution causing millions of premature deaths every year.

“No-one seemed to have noticed!” continued Dr Slake. “When we pointed to the vast plume of burning poison emanating from the middle of the plant, workers looked at us like we were mad and assured us it was entirely normal. Maybe the plume contains some psychologically-damaging toxin, but they seemed to think that a plant pumping poison into the sky day and night was working properly.”

In the wake of Fukushima several countries have pledged to cease using nuclear power, which only leaks when something goes badly wrong, and instead use systems designed to leak absolutely all the time so that people get used to it and it doesn’t’ look scary after a while. The move was applauded by groups who think wind farms ruin the view.