Forgive and Forget: 5 Things You Need To Forgive Yourself For

I once went out and randomly interviewed 15 strangers on the street and asked them “Is it easier to forgive yourself or someone else?” 14 people immediately responded with some variation of it’s easier to forgive others.

Only ONE person, after pausing a few seconds, said he found it easier to forgive himself. While it was by no means an exhaustive research study, my work has allowed me to hear hundreds of people report it is harder to forgive themselves than it is to forgive others.

Yet, it is forgiving yourself that can truly set YOU free. Think about it: the relationship we have with ourselves is our primary relationship. Wherever we go, no matter who we are with, WE are our own constant companions.

Doesn’t it make sense to cut that person some slack and forgive them?

Here are 5 common things for forgiving yourself for:

1) The opportunities in life you did not take.

If there is one area of life that gets the most revisionist history, it is looking back at ourselves and believing that we should have known better. If you knew then what you know now, of course, you would have taken advantage of every opportunity.

2) How you treated your parents when you were a young “know-it-all.”

Whether that was when you were a teenager, in your 20s, or just yesterday. Chances are, your parents love you and accept the good with the bad. If they don’t demonstrate that to be true, this one point is especially for you.

The relationship you have with your parents is one of the most intimate ones you will ever have in your life. There is a level of security, as well as lots of opportunity for mistakes. When you are young and finding your way in the world and deciding who you want to be, rebelling against your parents and seeing them as “stupid” can be part of the process.

You are a grown up when you can recognize that you are sorry for the pain you have caused. It’s never too late to say “I’m sorry.” If you are someone who has a lot to be sorry for, think about ways to make amends.

For example: a letter or a face-to-face meeting where you take full responsibility and don’t try to place any of the blame on them. Ask for their forgiveness. If you do these things in a heartfelt way and they don’t forgive you, you then know everything you need to know about them.

Also, you know that you have done your best. No one can change the past. Eventually, everyone has to make their own choices. Please make the choice of forgiving yourself.

3) Forgive yourself for all the ways you perceive yourself as not enough.

As you shift your focus to all the things that are great about you, you will begin to see greater things. So do it now!

4) The ways in which you negatively compensated to cope with your life.

Maybe it was self-medicating with drugs and alcohol because the pain was overwhelming. Maybe it was being angry and nasty, lashing out at others because you were feeling bad about yourself due to the choices you made out of fear.

Just the fact that you recognize this now demonstrates how far you have come. Make amends by forgiving yourself.

5) Having someone in your life you just weren’t able to love the way they deserved to be loved.

He or she might have been a romantic partner, a child, or a family member growing up. We can’t give what we don’t have. Recognize at least part of the problem was YOU didn’t love yourself enough.

Remember: self-love should NEVER be confused with arrogance or self-absorption. Sometimes, we truly don’t understand how important someone is to us until we have some distance, or lose them. While this is never easy, forgiving yourself is important. This is so that you can do better with them now, or the next time.

Coach Monique is an internationally trained and certified Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Life and Executive Coach. She is one of only 4 Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) Hypnotherapist in the United States. She trained at the Imperial College in London. In addition, she is the author of “Most People Don’t Need A Therapist, They Just Need A Change…An Easy To Use Guide Positive Sustainable Change”. Using her 14+ years of experience in the fields of coaching, training, mindfulness and hypnotherapy, she helps her clients achieve the changes they desire. She regularly works with clients throughout the United States and internationally.