Tag Archives: fishing

Have you ever begun reading what appeared from the cover and description to be a really good book, only to be disappointed by dialogue that was stiff, stilted, and unrealistic. Such is often the case in self-published fiction. Too many authors spend hours and hours on plot and scene description, while failing to comprehend the importance of good dialogue.

Here is an example of what I am talking about

The house stood like a wooden sentinel, perched on the top of the hill, with its oversized windows watching for the approach of strangers. When Tom pulled his car up the long driveway, he felt as though his every move was being observed. He turned off the ignition, stepped down on the parking brake, and exited the vehicle. A short, brick encrusted walkway led him to the front door. With no button in evidence for a bell, Tom used the heavy metal door knocker to announce his arrival.

(So far, so good, right?)

After a few moments, the door opened slowly with a creak, and a man in formal butler’s attire greeted him with a smile.

“May I be of some help to you, sir?” said the man. “I do not recognize your automobile, so I must assume that you are attempting to sell some merchandise. I am sorry to say that we have no interest in any products that you might be selling.”

(Ugh! It gets worse)

Tom stifled a laugh, then replied, “No, no. I am not trying to sell any products. I am an old acquaintance of the man who formerly lived in this house. I am trying to determine his present location. Can you possibly assist me?

Okay, had enough? (Well, by now, so have your readers)

Now, here’s the same dialogue, but written in a more authentic and interesting manner:

“Can I help you, sir?” said the man. “I’ve never seen your car before, so I’m guessing you’re a salesman. I’m sorry, but we’re just not interested.”

Tom stifled a laugh, then replied, “No, no, I’m not a salesman. Actually, I’m an old friend of the previous owner. We’ve lost touch with one another, and I’m trying to track him down. Would you have any idea where I can find him?”

See the difference?

When you write dialogue, try to get inside the skin of the character. Think of his age, his station in life, his demeanor. Where is he from? Does he have an accent? Is it an accent that is easy to replicate? Always read your dialogue out loud to see if it sounds natural, the way people really speak.

Another mistake that many writers make is trying to have a character speak with an accent. Most of the time it fails miserably. Instead, why not say something like this:

Gino spoke with a heavy Italian accent. Then, have the character speak in normal, everyday English, leaving the accent to the imagination of the reader.

Another problem is attribution

You know—who said what. It’s always imperative that a reader know who is speaking. That does NOT mean that you must always use “said Bob,” or “Bob said.”

Once you have established who is speaking in a two-person scene, it is often possible to maintain the conversation without any attribution at all. Try this: Write a piece of dialogue between two people, using what you would consider “normal” attribution. Now, remove the attribution (he said, she said, etc.) and see if you can still tell who is talking. If not, put back the attribution, one bit at a time. Each time, read it aloud and see if you can determine who is speaking. Here is an example:

“Fred, do you think Shirley will let you go to the movies with me tonight?” asked Harry.

“I’m not sure,” replied Fred. “She always likes for me to be home on Monday nights.”

“Well,” said Harry, “why don’t you just tell her you’re going?”

Fred replied, “You know what, Harry, I think I will! I’m sick to death of her telling me what to do.”

“Now you’re talking,” said Harry. “Tell her to stick it where the sun…”

Now, here the same piece of dialogue without all the attribution

“Fred, do you think Shirley will let you go to the movies with me tonight?” asked Harry.

“I’m not sure. She’s always likes for me to be home on Monday nights”

“Well, why don’t you just tell her you’re going?”

“You know what? I think I will! I’m sick to death of her telling me what to do.”

“Now you’re talking. Tell her to stick it where the sun…”

All that was necessary to know who was speaking was the initial attribution in the first sentence. This example might be a bit extreme, but you get the point.

So, what have we learned? Here are four basic rules to writing effective dialogue:

1. Think about who is speaking. Have a clear picture of their age, gender, ethnicity, social standing, etc. Girls should speak as girls, boys as boys. College graduates should not speak the same way as an inner city person, etc.

2. Read the dialogue you’ve written aloud to be sure it sounds natural, the way “real” people speak in every day life.

3. Keep attribution to a minimum, only using it when absolutely necessary to avoid confusion.