This blog is devoted to stuff that white people like

#4 Assists

When you say the word “assist,” first thing you think about is Steve Nash and Wayne Gretzky. White people love to pass, it’s no secret.

In basketball, it’s kind of a must so that white guys can carve out a niche and guarantee acceptance on a team. Trying to be a white guy who dunks and stuff is like trying to be a white rapper – yeah, there are a few, but you have to work twice as hard for half the results.

One explanation is that white people still feel guilty over slavery, colonialism, and the crusades so passing is a way to make up for it. But more importantly, it makes them feel good to help others.

674 Responses

Actually, I think white people just don’t like passing. They just like doing things in basketball that they are good at or can be good at. Passing seems to be one of these things that short and not incredibly atheletic white people can be good at. The feeling that you helped someone is kind of a bonus.

You – Nash can assist and score: Here’s his stats this year – 50.8 percent from the floor, 46.7 percent from three-point territory, 89.9 percent from the foul line – yup, that’s why he was MVP for 2 years

Quick, name another Asian in team professional sports, say basketball or football, other than Yao Ming…..time’s up. Several in baseball, that’s about it. I would say Asians are creeping up on whites for being irrelevant among professional athletes….If you don’t have the high ratio of fast-twitch muscle fibers might as well stick to Ultimate Frisbee, marathons or triathlons….

Priceless example: got major cred the other day pulling Dave Twardzik’s name out of the back of my brain (point guard for the Portland Trailblazers c. 1977) (I didn’t identify with him because he was white, but because, like me, he was short (by basketball standards) and smart, as point guards are in general. I eventually realized I’m always attracted to the point guard: I favor the underdog, the nerd, the guy who has to live by his wits. Twardzik hit the trifecta on that one.

Favorite NCAA team was defined by a point guard, Bobby Hurley (not exactly an underdog, but certainly made his mark by playing by his wits). Did not like Christian Laettner, aside from that one shot at the tournament, and didn’t really realize how good Grant Hill was until he hit the NBA, but those 3 were clearly the core of that Duke team. And if Grant Hill isn’t the model for white person’s would-be black friend, who is? Ok, Tiger Woods, Barack Obama.

But I have to say, I got a little pissed off when Hillary Clinton’s team tried to drive a wedge between white and black supporters of Obama by suggesting that those of us who aren’t for her are people who don’t need anything and just want a cool black friend. (Hard to talk to each other the day after that missive.) But: sorry, not looking for any friends, not expecting any reciprocation, just think the guy is better than you. On the merits. And by the way, my economic situation is not good, and I don’t think there’s much that either of them – that anyone – can do about it. So I’m going for the candidate who analyzes things better and has a better foreign policy and grasp of, and commitment to, constitutional law.

You can all laugh at me later, but meanwhile I’ve been persuading white Wisconsin Republicans that they should vote for Obama. Just to prove I fit your stereotype: I’ve also gotten black folks from Louisiana and Arab-Americans from Texas pretty fired up, and I can up your sushi by talking about street food from Cairo (where I lived for a year) (yes, sorry, sushi in Japan is to sushi at a street fair in LA (raw scallops!) is to sushi in a good American sushi place is to sushi from a mall: the fresher the better. Still don’t like sea urchin roe, but maybe I’ve just never had good sea urchin roe, but I think I’m done trying that theory out). Meanwhile: Koshari rocks, dude! (Basically: Lentils, macaroni, fried onions, hot sauce, and some spices – $.10. No backpack required. The unexpected lunar eclipse noted on my birthday in Cairo while going to, yes, an Indian restaurant by the Pyramids (cheap) with great jasmine tea, I won’t forget, no matter how much you might ridicule the experience.

So I have just proved many of your points. But I hope I have done so in an endearing way. (Yes, we just want to be liked . . . at least those of us who don’t want to bomb your parents’ home country into submission.)

Maybe, maybe, in a dating situation, I might try sea urchin gonads with a quail egg . . . (have never added the quail egg) but probably not. But I like to keep an open mind.

Not a real big fan of lambs’ brains, either (courtesy, Syria). But I was 14 at the time, and Kreutzfeld-Jakob (sp?) never seemed to break out despite early fears in the UK, so I’d probably try it again if called upon. I like sweetbreads and foie gras, so I’d probably actually like brains if not presented with an actual entire oiled brain (did in fact enjoy some brains presented in a less recognizable fashion earlier in the trip). Would probably eat ortolans (the little birds the French aren’t legally allowed to eat whole) if given the opportunity.

This is a weak entry because Wayne Gretzky has the most goals of all time among NHL players and Nash is a flat out baller who can score and assist (but not play defense or rebound, those are Negro activities).

[…] he is ready, willing and able to run the court now that he has someone to pass him the ball, ala assist-master Steve Nash. Apparently FanYard users believe the hype, as the Yardstick for this game favors the Suns to win […]

this is stupid. white people don’t know what an assist is. Ask any white person about the NBA and they’ll talk about how they “don’t like the characters that are making up the league now” and how they “cant relate to todays players”

Whites don’t love helping or giving. Quite the opposite, actually. As detailed by virtually the entire rest of this site.

The reason whites love the assist in B-ball is because whites can’t really compete in the other areas. And two, because there is the idea in the public imagination that it takes more brains to be a good assist guy and less to just score prolifically. So assists obviously needs to be white territory. Also, there is the notion that the person pulling off the assists is the leader of the team (think Bobby Hurley, Steve Nash, John Stockton). White athletes always need to be the leader.

The B-ball assist dynamic explanation has cross-compatibility for the pre-1995 NFL quarterback as well. After that, QBs actually were expected to be athletic, take hits, run for touchdowns, etc.

The most vivid example of this is the Ultimate frisbee ‘handler’. In a sport built by non-athletes, for nerdy non-athletes who didn’t want to deal with difficult soccer, tennis, or track practices, handlers are the kids who are too fat and slow to play defense, and too unimaginative to move further than 10 feet on offense. Not only is there non-athleticism rewarded in this position, but they also get the added benefit of quarterbacking the team and behaving like a leader. Furthermore, they have more liberty to accessorize, since they aren’t actually running and don’t need to be dressed in a way that allows for any kind of motion. Some even wear gloves or sunglasses.

Stupid entry for many reasons. White people don’t like Stockton nearly as much as you think. Nobody cares about Scott Skiles. White people love Michael Jordan and Kobe more than anyone else.

I can think of two white guys in the NBA right now who get a lot of assists. Steve Nash and Kirk Heinrich. That’s it. Two of them (both happen to score a lot too). I guess you could add Luke Walton. Okay, so there’s three.

This entry is right, but not as well worded as it could be. If we, white people, can’t do the work, we want to help those who can, so we can look cool with minimal effort. And we make more of a show over our assists, no matter what the area of endeavor, than they really warrant.

It was a bunch of white guys who came up with tax deductions for giving money to charities. ~grin~

It’s also possible the reason Nash and Gretzky passed so much is that they’re Canadian. Granted, you could argue that Canadian is just a more advanced strain of white. Either way, Canadians have a hard-wired need to be helpful and not hog the spotlight.

these are team sports after all, passing is just as important as scoring, its the assists that help the big guys dunk. So they are just as important, its also a good way to get rid of the ball before you fumble it with your pasty butter fingers. jason williams

Amusing site, but mostly it should be “Stuff White Liberals Like”. As for assists, if you play a lot of basketball there’s nothing worse than being on a team where your best player would rather take a terrible shot than pass to the open guy. I like making a great pass, but if there’s no chance that a certain player will pass it back to me if I’m open, he’s not likely to see the ball come his way very often.

The best scorer in the history of college basketball (and one of the best in professional basketball) was Pete Maravich, who averaged 44 points a game without a three point line. Magic Johnson, Michael Jordon, Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, none of them came anywhere close

Idiots, Gretzky is the greatest scorer of all time but was a better assist man. That why he’s the GREAT ONE. Career Goals 894. Career Assists 1963. That is unfathomable. He had 163 assists in 80 games in ’87-’88. It would be like Kobe became John Stockton but kept scoring.

First off, there’s no such thing as a “white person” or “race” because all the political ‘isms’ are just things the communists made up the destabilize western society when they finally realized nobody gives a shit about socialism and would rather make money.

I’m metis, and I can tell you that American Indians also love the coffee. Usually with enough sugar to sink a battleship lol.

Secondly, all liberals will die as soon as the Superlibs [read:Bolsheviks] get their hooks into the power. Throughout history, this cycle repeats itself. Feminists and liberals are useful idiots [for a while]. Power is power and as soon as anyone gets ultimate power, the first thing they do is whack all their possible enemies and consolidate their power.

“Enlightenment” is bullshit. Human nature remains what it has been from the beginning, and it is the height of dumfuckery to think that a little psychology is going to undo a hundred million years of evolution.

Finally, the “white people hating themselves” thing is a natural result of 50 years of “blame whitey for everything”.

Be warned: those foolish “whites” who buy into this are going to go crazy from all this social engineering Matrix bullshit, are going to snap and there is going to be the biggest re-emergence of ofay power we have ever seen.

Well, Sam he was…until John Stockton ( one of the dirtiest ever) passed him.

There are black people that pass (LeBron regularly gets a good amount of assists even as the Cavs’ #1 scorer) and white guys that can shoot the lights out (Larry Bird anyone?)

About Larry Bird, I hated the Celtics but you have to give that cat props. I heard that he used to get really mad when teams put lame white guys on him just because he was white. He took it as an insult thinking ” they put this lame on me because they don’t respect my game. Don’t they know what I can do.” and proceed to abuse his competition. Not surpass, abuse. Tom Gugliotta was good for that too.

A ballplayer is a ballplayer. Skills are skills.

The only way we can end racism is to be able to laugh at it, not with it. I think this site encourages that.

Gretzky? assists? The guy was one of the best ever goal scorers! Sure the guy scored a bunch of assists but most hockey players score more assists than goals anyways… even the black players (yes, there are some)!

John Stockton is number one all time in NBA assists. There is not another white person on the list until the person occupying #12, Bob Cousy. So, 1 out of 11, white people must love assists. White people love to make assists, black guys love to shoot, even if they can’t. Scorers get more glory. Boils down to the movie White Men Can’t Jump- “A white man wants to win first, look good second. A black man wants to look good first, win second”. So as opposed to “nice pass to the man wide open under the basket who got an easy layup/dunk”, you get, “why the fuck did you shoot that with 3 guys on you, you didn’t even hit the fucking basket”.

Hillarious. Anyone whos taking this site personally needs to take a step away from the computer and re-examine their lives. Save your personal crusades against what you perceive as racism for more serious issues. Its a joke white people, we know there are a lot of white people in the NBA who don’t just assist. They are called GM’s.

nash and gretzky are amazing scorers as well (gretzky best ever nash one of the greats)
i think u missed something here
they could play the complete game, great site just a big hole here
seriously gretzky alll time scoring leader and nash shooting % is around 50 40 90
bb fans know what that means

Larry Bird was a huge points threat, a very dynamic all-around player. The number one thing he did was have eyes in the back of his head. He knew everything that happened on the court, where every single fucking shoe lay, the left-right weight and momentum distribution of every player, what the refs saw (second only to Ainge and perhaps Lambier for dirty play), of course where the ball was at all times, and to within a millimeter where the hoops were. I am convinced he could learn to play just as effectively blindfolded. You know what he really kicked ass at where scoring was concerned? Passing, assists, the blind dish off to McHale, Ainge, good ole DJ (make sure EVERYONE is double covered is an old quote of an opposing coach, can’t remember who).

By the way you can’t count Gretzky or any other hockey player. Everyone knows only white people play hockey, so hockey players are out as a prospective example of passers vs non-passers. Hockey can only be brought up where living by the water or threatening to move to Canada. Moderator, please move all references to hockey.

Now wait a minute, damnit. I’m black and I like assists because of Magic Johnson, not because of Steve Nash and Wayne Grtezky and I think John Stockton is a jackass. Although… I do love Nash and Gretzky. I god… am I self-hating?

I don’t feel guilty about slavery. I never enslaved anyone. How about stuff black people like: being racists. This kind of garbage is akin to watermelon jokes. How about what white people like: jobs, legitimate children and not being in gangs?

I don’t feel guilty about slavery. I never enslaved anyone. How about stuff black people like: being racists. This kind of garbage is akin to watermelon jokes. How about what white people like: jobs, legitimate children and not being in gangs?

I think its ironic that you explain that feeling guilty over slavery is a probably reason for white people passing a lot and then give examples of Gretzky and Nash. They are both Canadian, and have no reason to feel guilty about slavery.

Assists are about not being self-absorbed. Most of the truely great players got lots of assists. Because they knew a good basketball TEAM can beat a great basketball PLAYER.
Hockey is just no rules boxing on ice.
(And roller derby is no rules boxing on wheels)

David Lee PF New York Knicks is a victim of Isiah Thomas’ reverse racism. He’s better than Eddie Curry and Zach Randolph. Isiah’s still bitter because he never thought Bird was deserving of the place he had.

Gretz, was the greatest passer in the history of hockey. One only needs to look at a clip of him setting up shop in his “office” behind the back of the net and toying with the opposing defence and goaltender. Gretz was also the greatest passer in the history of hockey. One needs only look at his 50 goals in 39 games. Unbelievable.

His is simply put the greatest hockey player. Ever. His is the Great One. When he retired, they retired his number. Not his team. but the entire league. To the best of my knowledge, this is without precedence in the history of professional sports (although I could be mistaken).

One other little interesting thing about this entry. Both sports were invented by [white] Canadians.

White people love assists, unless their name is Kevin McHale. Although Kevin basically gave away Garnett to the Celtics, so I guess that could be considered an assist.

But it’s true about the great white guards when it came to passing… they were also capable scorers. Bob Cousy, Pete Maravich, John Stockton, Steve Nash, etc. But other than the Cous (who was teamed with Bill Russell), none of them won the championship. However, if you look at the black counterparts of scoring-passing guards (Magic Johnson, Oscar Robertson, Isaiah Thomas, Nate Archibald [although past his prime]), their efforts actually made a difference during the Finals.

Larry Bird and Bill Walton were integral passers during the Finals, but they were also big men who could do everything (albeit at a slower, more injury-ridden pace) all the other dudes could do.

marcg and baller51 and other contributors with such short-sighted opinions obviously don’t get what the site is about and there is a reason for this: no appreciation for self-deprecating humour (!). Being defensive and taking things at face value when there are obviously more subtle factors like irony and sarcasm at work only expose these kind of mental midgets for what they lack in comprehension and understanding. Sad…
Also, yeah, Gretzky was a great goal-scorer too, but he saw the ice better than anyone else ever has (Crosby’s almost there too), leading to his all-time supremacy in the topic of question.

As a 28 year old “Black” man I have to say that this is more about class. I wear my hat to the back and in passing you may think me to be.. I know what you guys think sometimes but you look scared.. anyway these things are basically east or west coast progressive affinities . I love public radio (KPFK), snowboarding, Mos def, the prius (though I thought it was cheap),vintage t shirts,Obama,the wire, shit by little caramel complexioned babies are “gonna learn them some french too” I dropped out of graduate school (a brotha had to work), my ex is Korean, I need to posses a white friend to prove my commitment to the diversity I so preach about..I found this very funny…ha ha Ive been to Spain and lived in Peru for two months.I think this has more to do with me being from Los Angeles than “whiteness”, I think “the darjeeling limited” sucked as a film although aesthetically pleasing.. I was eating sushi at the age of 13 w my Black friends family.. I love smoking weed especially in amsterdam (so quiet)my brother lives in Japan and Ihave a cousin that lives in Vancouver and his brother in london. The list goes on ..soo all that’s to say that no I don’t desire to be “white” but the more I travel I realize how AMERICAN I am and I think we also have to know how truly similar we are.. we ain’t that different brethren and I think it’s insulting to whites to say that they only like Obama because of… I think you like him because he’s would make a great president and he supercedes the prejudices that we are accustomed to acting out. White ppl aren’t that myopic. and “dood 110” of course you can be proud to be white.. I just think being proud of the right things are the key! Very funny and entertaining.. Cheers folks

#1, I think you invented this “stereotype”
#2, The white yuppie/hipster set you’re targeting has a disdain for professional team sports, especially basketball, where the players are perceived to be thugs who bring guns into strip clubs
#3, Still, this was pretty funny.

“Quick, name another Asian in team professional sports, say basketball or football, other than Yao Ming…..time’s up. Several in baseball, that’s about it. I would say Asians are creeping up on whites for being irrelevant among professional athletes….If you don’t have the high ratio of fast-twitch muscle fibers might as well stick to Ultimate Frisbee, marathons or triathlons….”

First of all, how is that relevant to this post about Assists?

Secondly, there are few Asian-Americans in AMERICAN professional sports because in general they value academics more than athletics. You’re more likely to see an Asian surgeon or investment banker than an Asian baseball player. There’s no reason why an Asian can’t become a point guard in the NBA like Nash; it’s just that most of them don’t pursue this path.

#25:
church.
you are on point with that. perhaps it would have
been boring to elucidate the details to go into the seemingly infinite calculations required to score. it’s called BASKETBALL not ASSISTBALL. you get points
for the ball going into the basket, not going into
another player’s hand. sure it’s transitive, but we know
how to share as well.

#112:
you need an education on class AND race.
they are seperate, but equal.
your ignorance is due to your class, and this is the case anywhere where the prosperity of few clouds and colors the truth of the many. in your world, everything is just. yours is one similar to white culture, but one via one road paved in green. but take away your bank account, and the differences will be revealed. you are
shielded financially from seeing just how black you are.

and as long as you have a few bucks in your pocket, it ain’t necessary to know. i, for one, wish you not to discover this. it is a hard truth to know.

Well, if you mention Mike Bibby, John Stockton, Steve Nash and the Heat’s Jason Williams (who I never really liked prior to him joining my Heat), they areal point guards, and point guards generally have a high number of assists. Most are between 6’0 and 6’3 and have a harder time scoring than a 6’8 forward or 7’0 center.

On a related note, here’s something to listen for during the NCAA Tournament:
White people hate Georgetown’s basketball team,almost universally. I’m not just talking about rednecks, I’m talking about liberals, PhD’s, Master’s Degree’d, whites(with the exception of Georgetown’s mostly white graduates, of course). And it’s not because they usually have an all black roster. It’s because “they’re a bunch of thugs” or “criminals” or they “play dirty”.

I grew up when Patrick Ewing was there, so they’re one of my favorites.
Same goes for the Baltimore Ravens (outside of Ballmer).
So I’ll be cheering quietly around my family & co-workers during the tournament.

Another potential addition to this list:
White people hate Duke because they play for an elitist school but cheer for Penn & Princeton because they’re underdogs.

I’m white and I don’t hate Duke because it’s an elitist school, I hate Duke because they always seem to have a bunch of faggots on their team (e.g. Reddick, Laetner). Also, you must face facts that John Thompson was a total racist….the melanin count on his Georgetown teams was higher than the melanin count in Cellblock D in Joliet State Prison. Did Thompson ever have a cracker on his team?

This is kind of interesting. When I read Gretzky and Nash I was thinking of Rick Nash and I couldn’t figure out how anyone could get 20 assists in a hockey game. I don’t care much for hoops. Gordie Howe is still the best player ever. He didn’t need a goon to protect him.

On a related March Madness note. Post-racial theme. The big lugs (one exception) are white, the small dudes in charge (one exception), black. Big on team defense, distributing the ball. Built consciously on unremarkable, yet disciplined play. A “system” team. Ah, the parallels…

I nominate the Wisconsin Badgers for “whitest team” left in the NCAA tourney as of this AM.

Um, I am white and didn’t know what this was when I clicked on it. I thought maybe “assists” was a misspelling of “assets” because I didn’t think that assisting other people would be a top white person thing. It looks like this word actually has something to do with sports. I guess I’m to into the Dinner Party, Graduate School, Public Radio part of the white world to be in touch with the Assits, St. Pat’s Day, T-shirt part of the white world.

#128: Larry Bird was the best passing forward of all time. But when it was fourth quarter, yeah, he would focus solely on scoring. Same thing with Oscar Robertson… he’d get double digit assists and rebounds for the first three quarters, and then kill opponents with scoring on the fourth.

I don’t know why I bother writing serious basketball comments on this when everyone knows what this website is about. But I guess it doesn’t make sense for me to write about Vashti Bunyan on NBA forums either. I’m the only one of my friends who even likes basketball. Sports and (this) white culture just can’t seem to integrate.

Very narrow-minded entry. Who cares what white guys do in NBA basketball, now that the US national team (consisting mostly of blacks) gets regularly beaten in Olympics and World competitions by predominantly white teams? Who do you think scores in those teams?

Also, where did Wayne Gretzky reference come from? Hockey IS pretty much a white sport, and somebody has to do scoring.

“What bell hooks describes as the fantastic white ability to imagine ‘that black people cannot see them’ constitutes a white illusion at once durable, powerful, and fragile. It exists alongside a profound fear of actually being seen by people of color. As Baldwin argued, ‘…a vast amount of the energy that goes into what we call the Negro problem is produced by the white man’s desire not to be judged by those who are not white.'” -David R. Roediger, Black on White

and

“High in the tower, where I sit above the loud complaining of the human sea, I know many souls that toss and whirl and pass, but none there are that intrigue me more than the Souls of White Folk.
“Of them I am singularly clairvoyant. I see in and through them. I view them from unusual points of vantage. Not as a foreigner do I come, for I am native, not foreign, bone of their thought and flesh of their language. Mine is not the knowledge of the traveler or the colonial composite of dear memories, words and wonder. Nor yet is my knowledge that which servants have of masters, or mass of class, or capitalist of artisan. Rather I see these souls undressed and from the back and side. I see the working of their entrails. I know their thoughts and they know that I know. This knowledge makes them now embarrassed, now furious.” W.E.B. Du Bois

hey shhhh, calm it down. This site isnt hatred, its just poking a little fun at ourselves, which we’re allowed to do so don’t freak out because you don’t have a race card in your back pocket. seriously its fine.

also i find among white athletes that assists are very popular.

no worries.
(well i dunno if you’re racists, but you seem kinda tweaked out, some of those attempted “stereotypes” are just… poorly executed)

“Trying to be a white guy who dunks and stuff is like trying to be a white rapper – yeah, there are a few, but you have to work twice as hard for half the results.”

Eminem is a great rapper yes, but he was able to sell more because of the way he looks and because his experience translates with, the massed. There are better rappers that are not selling as much and are not getting the same support from there labels. In conclusion, Eminem did not work twice as hard to get to where he is now and he has admitted to that in interviews.

Thank You….

P.S I do love this site. Just wish there were less defensive/ borderline racist comments.

This site is the funniest thing ever! It has been floating around my office for a few days & we gather around (black & white alike) to laugh about it. I am black & I do a lot of this stuff too so my white co-workers enjoy laughing about that! Love my dogs & my coffee!

I think you’re taking it too seriously. Part of avoiding racism is being able to make jokes like this without getting so offended. I personally find jokes like this really funny, and any one of my friends would agree that I’m not racist. This just gets into the whole political correctness bullshit. It’s a matter of respect, making a stereotypical joke or poking fun at a race isn’t racist if you are respectful and CLEARLY joking. Hell, I’m a musician, and I sometimes make jokes about how I wish I could be as groovy as a black man. Is it wrong for me to say that? Granted, I think its pretty much a fact that all black people are soulful and groovy, at least my track record of black musician encounters has proven it.

Don’t you dare tell me what to do. You are a racist…if you weren’t you’d put you name,email address, etc. behind those comments. But like the other reply said, we are here poking fun and opening up lines of communication. Go back to your cave Neanderthal. 🙂

Black people don’t freaking sniff glue!!!! I have never even heard of that…. I am offended and I’m not even black… Ok no I’m not I lied… I think this entire thing is HILARIOUS!! They do love spending their money on senseless things like “Bling Bling”, grills for their mouth and Rims for their bucket… But Mexicans fall into the whole rims thing too except they buy spinner hubcaps.. Sad times…
!~Word~!
Klassik Green

You’re wrong, playing defense well is a title owned by a white guy. Just so happens that the white guy who holds the records for steals…also holds it for assists. Either defense is for white guys too, or John Stockton had some kind of amazing powers stored away in those tiny shorts and goofy, calf-high socks.

how stereotypical can you get? where I live, there were just as many white girls pregnant in high school as any other ethnic group. We didn’t have gangs, not in small town suburbia, but the guys did stick together and fight one another from different sides of town.

My parents both worked and raised 10 kids and bought and paid for 2 homes. None of us has EVER been on welfare, we all have good jobs, own our homes and our kids and grandkids are going to college.

No you don’t feel guilty, but you sure directly benefitted from it, even if you won’t admit it.

White people love American football because the quarterback throwing to a wide received or tight end is the same as a glorified assist. Who are the majority of these people? Definitely not white people. We’re too slow.

i have to admit, this ones pretty weak and grasping at nothing to be funny.

a) a point guard is suppose to distribute the ball. larry bird worked over most of the black dudes of his era and even talked shit to their face before games. larry bird’s dad committed suicide to get his family insurance money.

b) hockey is the most selfless sport there is because if you dont pass the puck you get fucking destroyed by a body check or turnover the puck for an easy goal. then your team smashes your ass later for being a puck hog.

you forget to figure out that “sharing” is a pretty strong trait of hunter-gatherers anyhow.. and most of them arent “white”

I believe white people like to pass because it’s for the better good. It’s communal. Being awesomely modest is better than being awesome. Black people are awesome. Glittering. White people are reclaimed barn wood. And the pinnacle of a white person is reading this website. It’s awesome and will be promptly emailed to every person in my blackberry. I hope there is more to come

THIS was the funniest “thingwhitepeoplelike” yet. Seriously, i was laughing/coughing/crying before i even clicked on the link because i instantly knew what the reference was. It’s the best thing we white men can do, since we can’t reach the rim.

on point with this one, but white guys can always nail the 3 c’mon larry legend?

steve kerr one of my favs of all time, this dude would stick out like a sore thumb riding the pine nearly the entire game with two other one trick white guys. (luke longley n that other dude) then theyd toss him in with like eight mins to go and he would just drain 3 after 3.he was pure little white guy thunder raining down on motherfuckers from beyond the arch

You guys see that stupid behind the back wrist flick assist Kobe had a week or so back? I won’t link it but it was all over youtube. Just search for kobe assist, i’m sure it’ll be the first one to come up since that prick hardly passes.

remember all those white guys on the first us olympic basketball team? assist heaven!

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! I LOve this blog. This stuff is so funny. and so amazingly true. but you americans are annoying. you argue about everything. you should make more fun of yourselves. in africa, we like to do that.check out stuff educated black people like. that’s just hilarious, because it matches with my aunt who lives in america and is one of those “independent female exec” types.

Actually, not too terribly athletic white guys can carve out a niche on a basketball team by being the designated shooter. Remember John Paxson on those Jordan Bulls teams, or Steve Kerr with the Bulls and Spurs and to a lesser extent, Jeff Hornacek with the Jazz ? Remember a couple of the great NBA teams of the eighties, the 76ers and the Lakers ? They each had their designated “dirty work” white guy in Kurt Rambis with the Lakers and Marc Iavaroni with the Sixers. What happenened there was the was the Lakers won the NBA championship with Rambis as their nominal starting forward, the Sixers then rushed out and got their very own undertalented bruiser in Iavaroni, and voila’!, the Sixers won the championship the very next year.
Another thing I’ve noticed about white basketball players is that they must never be described as ” athletic.” They can, however, be described as the following : “gritty,” “heady,” “hard-working” or a “coach on the floor.”

[…] it’s gotten two honorable mentions on stuff white people like. (see #65: Co-Ed Sports and #4: Assists). how are people supposed to respond when we show up wearing three-piece suits talking about how […]

Or maybe the difference is that blacks are greedy? Look what happens when all of our ‘Elite’ black players play the rest of the world. They get beaten by ‘unathletic’ white guys who ‘cant compete’. Ironic how those who are ‘unable to compete’ at the same level as black athletes are the ones beating those black athletes every year.

Take Randy Newman’s song ‘Short People’ and sing it saying ‘White’ instead of ‘Short’. You remember Randy Newman, he was the ship’s surgeon on ‘Love Boat’. He was much taller than the Negro bartender, but he still found time in his busy schedule to assist him on numerous occasions. Take episode 748, for example. Please.

[…] So far, the most famous and well-liked entry in the list of stuff white people like is probably assists, incomplete and poorly presented though it is. (See the name John Stockton anywhere in his post? It […]

I’m sorry to debunk your theory, but white people don’t feel guilty for slavery, colonialism, or the crusades because the white people that are currently alive were NEVER involved in slavery, colonialism or the crusades. I am not responsible for what my long time ago ancestors did, nor will I be held liable. Get over it–you were never a slave and neither was your mom.

Also, there are tens of thousands of professional athletes in Asia, and you can’t assume that all of the good ones would prefer to play in North America. Japan did pretty good in the World Baseball Classic…

OK, this is coming from a 5’9″ white guy – as white as you can get. The absolute worst pickup games are all-white games. That, my friends, is the pickup gospel. I’ve learned this over about 15 years of pickup games all over the U.S. and Canada. Yes, when you’re the only white guy playing with a bunch of black guys, you may not get many passes to start out. But jesus, when you’re playing with a bunch of white guys, it’s all elbows and shoves and hacking. I’ve played pickup in urban areas with 6’3″ black dudes with arms as big around as my chest, but it was fine because they played athletically. But, I’ve played in games with a bunch of 5’8″ white wanna-be power forwards and ended up with broken noses and more black eyes than I can remember – and it’s because, since they cannot play properly, they have to rely on grabbing and holding. It ruins the game for those of us who can actually shoot a real jump shot, or who can actually take a guy off the dribble.

The thing that cracks me up/pisses me off is to hear the un-athletic white guys declare themselves the keeprs of basketball fundamentals. As if set-shots are a higher form of basketball than a jumper, or being able to take your guy to the bucket and score is low-class. The fact is, those guys simply can’t do those things, so they make up their own mythology to explain why they don’t. I always feel like asking, Oh, so it was your personal choice to not jump high enough to grab that board? It’s a personal choice to have to run around 5 picks to shake me instead of shooting a jumper over me, as I do to you? (And amen to whoever brought that up, about white guys needing picks). The worst, though, is defense – most white guys are pretty sure that they’re great at defense. What they’re great at, in fact, is grabbing and holding and shoving – defense is played mostly with the feet, but these dudes just aren’t fast enough to do it – so they do whatever they can to bring their more-athletic opponent down to their level, mostly by fouling constantly and calling it “defense”. That, my friends, is not fundamental whatsoever.

And, finally, the bottom line is that the average white person, even if they’re good at basketball, simply does not have that feel for the game. I’m not saying that every black guy does, either – not at all. Kwame Brown? Nuh-uh. But even decent white players seem to lack that tiny little difference. I mean, a dude like Mke Dunleavy might score a bunch, but have you ever watched him? It’s like he’s an accountant working on a spreadsheet. No joy in it at all. Some dudes – Ginobli, Nash, Maravich obviously – they have it. But it just does seem to be on a gene that must be recessive for white guys. For me, it wasn’t nature, it was nurture – I grew up loving the Pistons and Isiah Thomas, and hating Boston and Bird. So, I worked on emulating a short dude who played the right way (fast, driving to the hole, passing and scoring) instead of practicing my flat-footed driveway set-shot.

So, if you add it all up, what you get is that a large percentage of the white dudes who play pickup just tend to gum the game up by being overly-physical and by not understanding the flow of the game. I wish it wasn’t like this, because I’d really like to have more fun playing ball with white dudes – because where I live, that’s mostly what it is. So, I’m not being racist – I’m white, after all – and I’m not saying that all white guys are like this, at all – there are plenty of average-looking white guys who are great pickup players. But, when you get a bunch together and roll the ball out, it tends to be the overweight, out-of-shape, unatheltic ones who drag everyone down. There. I’ve spoken my piece.

One more thing – I abhor three-pointers. I abhor the sight of white guys launching three after three – it’s kind of like that racial pixie thing that Dave Chappelle did. He should have had the white pixie lining up a tippie-toe three with a wide-open path the basket in front of him. I myself refuse to shoot threes. Three pointers are, after all, basketball affirmative action for white guys.

But – I do pass a lot. And I do resemble every other stereotype on this awesome blog.

White people like to keep secrets also. I found this out by accident.
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You guys have got to do a stuff white people like on Steve Nash alone. He has so many elements going for him:

Canada
Prius
Soccer
Lots of Black Friends
Shaggy hair
The environment
Probably rides a bike
Has shoes made out of recycled shoes
Is “scrappy”
Lots of assists
Gives “110%”
Wins MVP awards when more qualified black players should because he is “such a team player”.

I dunno about that…I’m a white middle-class Republican and this blog cracks me up since “it’s funny because it’s true”. Not all the time (The Empire Strikes Back is better than every foreign and indie film combined), but often enough (I was a pass-first point guard in high school basketball) that it makes me laugh.

stuff educated blacks like is such a self-congratulatory blog. And why does it have to be “educated?” This blog says simply Stuff White People Like not “educated white ppl.” Is it a way to tell the “good” blacks from the “bad (read: hood/ghetto)” types? C’mon now, I went thru that and I couldn’t believe how UNfunny it was. UNoriginal, even. A copycat version of the real thing, if you will. For the record, Africans don’t make fun of themselves; not nearly as much as Americans do. I know this for a fact.

And yes, I am black.
And yes I’m African (Nigerian-born parents)
And no, I’m not bashing my own kind. Just stating the obvious, I guess.

CanILive,
You have a really good point about the sickening, very separate stereotypes of “good” and “bad” blacks that some people actually believe in.

However, this blog actually should also have the word “educated” in its title. Looking at the list, I don’t think that poor, rural, and/or uneducated whites will be too much into fair trade coffee or study abroad or gentrification. I think that the general stereotype of the white American is a wealthy, educated, yuppie who is into trying to “keep it real” and deny his/her privilege. I think there are obvious reasons that this is the general stereotype instead of a poor, uneducated white person, which is why this blog isn’t actually entitled “Stuff Educated White People Like,” as it should be.

drp – I think you’re wrong about what the “general stereotype of the white American” is, at least outside of the USA. The average European stereotype of a white American is of an uneducated, fat, suburban, conservative Christian (AKA lower middle class redneck). This site is by, (mostly) for and about the upper middle class, liberal “coastal elite” variety of white. And, in fact those very same “coastal elites” would probably generalize in much the same way as Europeans when asked to describe a “white” American. That’s part of the reason this site is so funny…it’s all about that “coastal elite” hipocracy.

And you truly do sound like a hater of all – probably the kind of person who rapes children or old people or causes people some type of suffering for no reason at all.

Sports are a microcosm of life! A metaphor for what it takes to succeed in life: dedication, hard work, respect, teamwork, skill, desire to win.

its not too late for you – quit the D&D club & stop playing video games and jacking off to transexual porn and pick up some self help books, learn to list what are your true core values, and diligently pursue something that benefits the world and looks ahead past the next 10 minutes!

Why are all the really good white basketball players from Europe? Is it something to do with getting a chance to play? They say most pro baseball players were born in August. This is because it makes them the oldest and, therefore, generally the biggest and best – more chances to play. Maybe certain groups mature earlier and therefore dominate at an earlier age causing the late developers to just give up.

The reality is that blacks are no better or worse at basketball than other skin colors. For instance, look at the last (2006) FIBA World Basketball Championship; it was won by Spain and the USA (only two whites on the 12 man roster) finished third… being beating by Greece. All black Senegal finished 22 out of 24 – where was that black skin color advantage when they needed it? Slovenia finished higher than Nigera, despite having an all-white lineup and being a much poorer country.

I don’t feel guilty about the damn Crusades. Arab pirates were the terrors of the Mediterranean until the rise of the Italian city states navies in the late Renaissance, look it up. They were famous for enslaving Europeans.
I didn’t have anything to do with slavery, and neither did my ancestors. In fact, my ancestors likely fought to end it.
Colonialism- what the heckwas Japan trying to do? What has any powerful nation throughout history done? Colonialism, especially the Brits, helped these nations industrialize, and now India is buying up Britain.

you are an idiot. there were no arabs involved in the crusades. the italian city states were trying to recapture constantinople from the seljic turks (who you probably just assumed were arab just like i am assuming u are a typical, uneducated, honkey). The crusades were about religion and only about religion. They did not want there to be a gap between catholicism and the orthodox christians.

Oh so it’s our fault then? Oh yes how evil we must be…how could we evolve while the rest of the world remained primal. We all sould have forced our women to wear headgear and beat them unmercelessly and forced female circumcisions on them.

Oh on the India question… the answer you clown, is Gandhi and his isolationism policies ensured that India’s evolution and modernization was completely stifled, leading to poor economies and quality of living.

And one point on Colonialism vis-a-vis the Brits. Check me if I’m wrong on this but almost (almost, not Zimbabwe of course) every country that Britain controlled came out a hell of a lot better than most of the countries that Spain controlled. The Spanish raped and pillaged their colonies. At least Britain attempted to introduce some modicum of civilization (usually only for the wealthiest of the colonized).

wish this one was longer. because it’s true. i’m not very good at basketball, but sometimes when i play and im on teams with black people, they will claim im good at basketball because i pass. passing somehow means i have a great knowledge of the game because i know the 6’5” black guy has a better chance at getting the point than i do. When i’d play basketball with the guys i worked with who were mostly black guys, i’d always get picked because everyone thought that i knew the game better than the other guys on the court, and it’s all because i passed a lot.

This website is actually very useful for recent immigrants or children of recent immigrants who wish to interact effectively with the dominant culture. This book sums up what it means to be a liberal American or Canadian!

[…] Assists. Ben simply loves assists. John Stockton is, was, and always will be the greatest point guard of all time. When Ben still had hair, people often remarked how much it looked like John Stockton’s haircut. When you’re white and you can’t dunk, you do the next best thing: pass! […]

Wow, Mike. You obviously do not get the point of this website. The fact that you are using it as a forum to promote racism against African-American people is pretty pathetic considering that the website is designed to MAKE FUN OF WHITE PEOPLE! Maybe we should add “being too dense to get an obvious joke and trying to be funny with stupidity and bigotry instead” to the #1 spot on the list of things Mike like.

Is that why most QBs are white?? And most WRs are black?? And the black QBs tend to run the ball more often, because they don’t have as much guilt?

I need to know, because I have a fantasy football draft coming up, which has to be high up there on the list of things white people like. I guarantee this: when I tell my white friends that Vince Young throws less often than Tom Brady because Brady feels guilty about slavery, I will be the funniest/coolest guy in the room. High fives, for sure.

“Correcting Other White People”… BUT not for the sake of. Because white people enjoy feeling like they’ve defeated someone; winning. Something that amounts to 5 minutes of rereading our post whilst smiling and wishing others would read it if only to recognize our greatness.

And the irony (another thing white people like) is that I am now correcting you!!!

Time for my coffee break at the food co-op that’s only a short bike ride away.

Ummm white people don’t like assists. They like moving to other places in search of adventure. For example, my friend recently moved to Vietnam with little money and no job and has been blogging about his experiences there. His blog is hilarious and he just added a new post today. Check it out:

I think it’s important to add that white people love assists because they like gaining a black person’s approval. Giving someone a sweet assist will raise your reputation in their eyes, so white people like having black people like them

Yeah, how the hell is this #4. John Paxson was a 3 machine. Notice I mentioned the white guy on an all wannabe white-black team. Listen to Jordan and tell me he isn’t white. Exactly. Since when did Negroes know how to speak correctly?

Ooo, a little sensitive scarlofs, someone upset you. A little ‘rosey’ in the cheeks, perhaps. I can only guess by referring to #99 and #101. And next time you think that Jordan, or anyone else for that matter, comes across as an oreo, do us all a favour and pick up some fanon.

I love this site. I can admit that I like asian girls and shit like that. This site is true, but also coincidental. If you put enough shit together of course a white guy will say “hey I do like that.” The site should be “stuffsuburbanpeoplelike”
I’m white and can’t say I like Barack Obama, nor Pea Coats. But I’ve lived under a bridge and hate everything (besides asian girls).

This site is so awesome-it’s never as funny if you’re not laughing at yourself, because you can’t act all skeptical at what you know is true. And we DO love assists!

But you’re actually wrong about feeling bad about slavery and crusades and everything. Whta do I have to feel guilty about? I didn’t do anything! That was people in the freakin’ sixteenth century–I’m not, nor have I ever been an opressive slave-trader. And it’s RACIST to be mad at me for something people with my skin-color did!

I actually don’t go around commenting that stuff, and you’re subject didn’t bother me at all. But I love to argue a point. 🙂

That was a neat somersault of logic. Nobody suggested being mad at you for something people did centuries ago – who are you calling “racist,” in all caps to boot?

What was actually suggested is that lots of white people feel guilty over our history of kicking non-whites around. That’s actually true. Whether or not you personally feel it, white guilt is a real thing. It stems from sitting in classrooms and in front of TV shows where you’re told over and over again that your ancestors brutalized here, and colonized there, and generally peed in everyone’s cornflakes. It doesn’t afflict all whites, or even all rich liberal American whites, but it is real.

Something doesn’t have to make much sense for people to feel it. On the other hand, making sense is something you might want to look into, especially if you “love to argue a point”.

I agree with most of the stuff especially, Marathon’s, Rock Climbing, Active Wear, Near Water etc., but as a white liberal arts student studying Philosophy, I(and Freud) would say these serve to quell people’s desire to be “one with nature”(or they ultimately feel put off by the kind of giant civilization they are encompassed by,or repressed by) Most of the other stuff is a product of our consumer culture. Americans like to exercise their ultimate “freedom” through the material possession’s they choose to own, ultimately. Going to the co-op, thrift stores, or building a bike (sporting campy, vintage schwinn, shimano, import components of any kind), eventually helps to ultimately “commodify”(or popularize, make it cool, turn something mainstream) something to prep it for marketing.

Forgot about media fads, McSweeney, Pitchfork, whatever media you choose. If you really like it, don’t tell anyone about it. Eventually the idea or style or original item will be at Wal-Mart and you can talk about how cool it was to like it back in the day.

Your so-called comparison of the “assist” to white guilt and the white rapper who has to work “twice as hard for half the results” represents your most moronic conclusion yet. I understand that you’re trying (desperately) to be funny, and with a racial edge that supposedly gives you relevance in this age of ours, but what you fail to realize is that your fallacy laden ideas smack of little more than ignorance…not comedy, not satire, or whatever the hell it is you’re going for.

We pass…because 9.9999 times out of 10…we can’t dunk if we are under 6’1 and we fear any shot that doesn’t require backboard inside the three point line. hahahaha. this shit is hilarious! OH. chewing tobacco should be on the list if it isn’t yet. White folks LOVE some chewing tobacco

Passing is a faster and more effective way to keep a ball away from the other team. The more passes, the more elements the enemy team must contend with. If a person on team A hogs the ball, then it’s the entire team B after them, if team A passes it to each member, it creates a situation in which a multitude cannot focus on a single person. Therefore, understanding the superiority of passing shows a higher level of complex reasoning skills. *Swoosh*

Additionally, whites were enslaved by blacks far before the reverse, so if whites have any guild about enslaving a couple blacks way back in the day, then you can add that “whites like being stupid” to the list as well. But that would contradict the above conclusions, so we’d have ourselves a paradox.

Also, Eminem is still considered to be the best “rapper” out there. Not my words… just ask your local rapper. Although I guess it’s safe to say he just looks white. In that case, your argument still holds.

Black people are only good at basketball because that and stealing is all they do. They grow up as minorities. Us White people have other things to worry about like education, and most black people have very low IQs and end up in jail. Believe me, most white people dont feel “guilty” but want to put blacks back into slaver.

Damn, you find a fun read and then racism rears it’s ugly head. And you certainly need to worry about your education. I’m just afraid I have only half of yours. At least I’ve got (a minimum of) thirty-six percent more intelligence.

Are you sure your ancestors never bought anything that was made from slave labor or supported the slave labor industry in some way? Because, by your logic, we should all live guilt free even though a significant amount of the goods that come into this country are made in part by 7-year-old kids working their fingers bloody for 6 cents an hour. You might as well say, “I don’t feel guilty that there is child labor/slavery in this world because I can’t afford to buy a little kid to make my Nike’s for me.”

This one really speaks to me. Everyone likes a pass first point guard.

I was a point guard in high school and took great pleasure out of picking up assists. I maybe scored 3 points a game in three years as a starter, but I was #1 in my league in assists over those same three seasons. My father didn’t get it, my coach told me to shot once in a while, but I was absolute content just passing the ball to everyone else.

Before ladling the guilt on white folks buddy why not offer to pay more for all the crap you buy or haul your white buttocks to Malaysia or whatever for a “year off” and help them learn how to surf the net, for whatevr good THAT will do them.

What the hell is an assist?! I’ve dated hockey players before and I don’t even understand the sport… AND I’M CANADIAN!!! Sorry if I should know but I don’t… I’d rather watch South Park than a Canucks game… *yaawwwnn*

Guess I may need to surrender my white person card. I have no guilt over slavery nor the crusades nor the fact that many not white people live on my welfare dime….
I will give charity when needed but not for any particular reason. I favorite charity is for abused and abandoned animals…… humans of all colors are guilty of that one.

LMAO!! Forget the sports analogy. White people have assists in everything they do. Pass more work to the little guy, pass blame to someone else; they are not helping they just don’t want to be responsible when they shoot a brick. Like the huge brick that has been shot on WallStreet. But then again that is being passed as well, out of bounds. Turnover to the taxpayers!

This one is just stupid. The funny isn’t there. Where is the damn funny?!

Being a really really white dude myself I think the more accurate thing to say is that every white person wants to be the leader but inevitably more that most end up HAVING to be the assist. But in the end there is always a white dude at the top right? I mean isn’t that why they call him “The MAN”?

“One explanation is that white people still feel guilty over slavery, colonialism, and the crusades so passing is a way to make up for it. But more importantly, it makes them feel good to help others.”

Nope, sorry…don’t feel one iota of guilt for any of this.
Didn’t happen on my watch.

Here is a question for anyone of african heritage:

If you had the means to make a time machine and go back in time…would you prevent the slavery trade if you could, knowing that you would not be born in the USA?

I agree with R_U_Serious, had black and white people started on the same playing field I dont think your successes would be anymore than ours. I’m sure you would say we are now equal, however reading these comments and listening to white people in general talk about black people we obviously are not. Don’t complain about a system you and your ancestors help to create.
It will take years for this shit to be corrected. Lets just hope your offspring won’t carry on their ancestral ignorance. Hopefully they will help become part of a solution for equality.

I don’t think any black person asked to come over here to be enslaved but since your ancestors brought us over here from Africa….deal with it! Just go right now and slap your grandfather in the face for being part of your unhappiness.

I usually attempt to avoid these types of conversations. Most times all parties already have a firm’unmoving’ grasp on what they are willing to believe. ‘

To the ignorant ones who believe that most black folks are on welfare or are the hightest numbers of folks in the system ( I say check the FACTS)…To those who believe that blacks would be so much worse off if we hadn’t been ‘blessed by slavery’ I say…perhaps africa would be thriving without colonialism and perhaps without black folk America would never have become a superpower…

What is real is that slavery was effed UP! More than any type of slavery on the face of this earth..PERIOD. When it officially ended..inequity was THE LAW. So even IF you had a come up and owned land, created inventions or gained wealth…you couldn’t pass it on to your children. Unlike others who were able to create a legacy of wealth. So not only was the field not level..certain groups kept moving the goal post.

Most whites did and do benefit from living in a white dominated society..which is where white guilt and black victimization come in. Both are valid until it becomes stiffling and or self destructive. THe greatest thing of all is that black folk keep on excelling inspite of the past and our generation of all races are working hard to get past this…REALLY get past it and not pretend it never happened. So that in and of itself makes us winners…

Most white boys pass because they are intimidated and are afraid to make the shot…. Some white boys however do take shots like the Professor from And 1! Yes he’s a white boy and he’s got game and the balls to take the shots.

Look, most white people under the age of 30 never had anything to do with racism, it was before our time. To hold white people accountable for things that occurred when they weren’t even alive for is absurd. I think most people today agree that people should be judged on their character regardless of skin color. Enough with using racism as a crutch. BTW – as of January 21, 2009, black people no longer have an excuse.

Since you responded to me…I’ll address you specifically…this statement from my above post already said what u r saying…so I guess you missed it…”THe greatest thing of all is that black folk keep on excelling inspite of the past and our generation of all races are working hard to get past this…REALLY get past it and not pretend it never happened. So that in and of itself makes us winners…” And even though Barack in office represents a MEGA EPIC STEP in the right direction, it doesn’t end racism…he’s not the one actually hiring people or policing communities, etc etc…

Thank you for posting a well-thought-out reply instead of a knee-jerk reaction! Doesn’t happen very often on these sites…
I also agree with you, Obama’s election was a step in the right direction, but it doesn’t end the story. Racism and discrimination still exist in the US.

also, historically, it was often more efficient for african tribes to capture enemy tribes and trade them to the europeans in exchange for weapons.

with that said, its not fair to judge all afro-americans based on the statistical suggestions about their race because obviously, not all members of the demographic fit the sterotypes. its really silly that any racial humor always breeds these kinds of arguements

Get over it honey its a joke. We have a million jokes about ourselves and we don’t get bent out of shape. And I would love for you to say your little statistics to some black people to their face. Blacks commit seven times more crimes than whites. I think thats listed on here. Yall love your statistics. Its all in good fun. Stop being so sinsative and racist at the same time! Laugh a little geez!

Nope not me… I never owned slaves no one I know has ever owned them. Must be some kind of reverse Descrimination goin on here. Maybe we should realize as we look over at each other we are all Americans… No race.. just 1.. Im an american what are you? Anyone go any beer and Chili dogs with onions and cheese?

You know, I’m astounded that people even care about race when they talk about crime.

I’ll tell ya…if someone has a gun in my face and they want to take my wallet, I don’t give a stinking shit what race they are.

Also, the statistics DO NOT MEAN that any specific black person is born with a switch that will flip and make them steal your car. That’s really not how statistics work.

And that bunch of shit about black people selling other black people as slaves is probably true. But it wouldn’t be true at all if there hadn’t been white people lined up to buy them.

Rodney King asked that we all just get along. All I ask is that we at least ignore each other and stop blaming each other for all of our problems. It is not a black thing that our country is violent. It’s not a white thing that our country is oppressive. It just is, and it needs to stop.

this started to make sense then you lost me with the slavery thing. sorry not the case here bud.i just dont see the correlation. white people still like to take things. the basketball analogy was pretty good.

You’re a sad fool and an incompetent one at that. The number next to this post is #4, which means it was the fourth post, which means it wasn’t written because material was “running out.”

And seriously the site is meant to poke fun. Everything written here is tongue-in-cheek and yet you come here what? with the intent of getting offended so you can cry about reverse racism? It’s meant for fun, friend. No need to trot out the same tired statistics and then try to give example after example “proving” the post wrong. What does that even accomplish?

Is this why John Stockton passed the ball to Karl Malone on fastbreak opportunities and became the all-time assist leader in the black dominated NBA? Did he feel guilty as a white guy? What’s the corelation?

Why can’t you just take a joke? We spend hundreds of years accepting your horribly racist comments and someone tries to make light of a (very true) correlation between unathleticism and anglo saxon origins and then you fly up in arms about US being racist? Give me a break. Until you’re told that “your kind aren’t wanted here” in the year 2009, I think you need to quiet your shit down and wait your turn for equality because its ours right now.

You’ve heard how “people become who they are told they are”, correct? That’s what I believe is happening with the African American race – they’re seven times more likely to commit homicide due to the stereotypes that has been made for them, like how somebody who is overweight sees being fat as automatically being ugly because of media and such.

Besides, don’t take all of this too seriously. Have you read the other posts? This is meant to be taken lightly and something to amuse the masses…

How true – a crime is a crime, regardless of race, gender, orientation, etc. etc.

The thing I find amusing about people accusing others of being racist is that they usually cut other races slack. Want to truly avoid being discriminative? Be just as cruel as you are to your own race.
Racism isn’t always bringing someone down outright… sometimes it’s just by giving them too much of a “handicap”. Despite what someone may say about this being a peace offering for past transgressions, it doesn’t help. It makes a person weaker.

Yeah — they like ASSISTS… until they actually have to ASSIST somebody with something. they hate the octuplet mom; so they take it out on her babies no ASSIST with diapers or milk from baby companies for THEM… LOLOLOL

Ok…lets’ be realistic…white people commit murderous crimes also.. it’s called SERIAL KILLING….furthermore you people love killing your children and spouses for the most dumbest reasons. No race is without sin so get over yourselves.

White people also get a kick out of molesting young children while posing as priests…..and as far as being theives…there are many people out there who have lost their retirement funds because some white dude stole their cash. I’m just throwing somethings out there because you people get a kick out of naming the faults of other races as if you all don’t do s**t…..as far as I’m concerned white people do the same stupid crimes as black people you all just do it in different ways.

Black wife, black kids and he identifies himself as a black man. What more do you want?…when did white people start claiming the white half of mixed people?…..So quickly they forget about that one drop rule.

This should be 3 pointers, not assists. Who are the top, white assists getting bball players right now? I mean, you take Stockton out of the mix, and the all-time list is a bunch of brothers. I guess you can argue Jason Kidd, but he gets his bball skills from his black side.

I know! How funny is that! Now that we have a president thats not white or sorry white people not ALL white. All of a sudden people wanna remind us that he’s half white. Im half white and I don’t ever remember any white people letting me know that Im half white.

gotta love that race card eh?i just came across this site doing research for a paper and the only thing funnier than this blog is how quick people will jump to calling each other racist or implying it. that comment about the priests totally untrue of all white people, just the religous white people(jj).Do you really think that no white person in the world has ever lost their retrement funds. this whole thing is a satire anyway because white people do have several strange habits just like every other race in the world. people should learn to take things lightly rather than run around making it seem as if we’re all racists.looking at other races faults is fine and it DOES NOT make you a racist just as long as you’re willing to look at your race as well.and You seem to be defending black crime from white crime maybe you should be looking down on all crime. just a thought.

not defending black crime from white crime….just pointing out that white people have crime issues as well…some of the post on here only seem to want to point out the stats of black crime….the bottom line here is that white people do just as much stupid shit as black people so stop acting as if you all are with out sin.

The octuplet mom is getting enough ASSISTS from the government as it is, she doesn’t need any more from diaper companies. In fact, the only thing she’s living on are ASSISTS, I’d say she’s covered. We should all be so lucky to get as many ASSISTS as she does for making bad choices…

This is also why Team USA, far superior to all other teams, still almost loses or actually loses to countries that can’t ball for shit. Team sports are meant to be played as a team, you can have one player score 40 or 4 score 20 through teamwork. Do the math. Hockey also can’t count because all hockey players are white, not to mention Gretzky is the all time goal leader so he did plenty of non passing too.

I find it so funny that people actually get offended and take this site seriously. Don’t you guys see he’s joking? Who cares who actually has the most assists? It’s a joke! He’s making fun of stereotypes.

Making fun of stereotypes is funny i agree. My favorite comedian is Dave Chappelle but he is funny cause its material that applies. Sadly stereotyping whites is pretty much impossible, its just to vast which is why we break it down. Jews, Micks, Degos… ect. Also we can break whites down by types. Trailer park trash, rednecks, Bikers, Blue collar workers, punks… ect, or rich yuppies which i think this is what this site is tring to hit but everyone hates rich yuppie whites as it is. Even other whites so instead of stereotyping rich whites we just call them cocksuckers and leave it at that cause nothing is funny about them. So if you find this funny then that must mean you can relate to it which makes you a cocksucker. If this describes you and offends you then to you i say im only joking so relax you big deepthroating, ass fuck loving, can’t smell your own shit dirty cocksucker. Now have at it make fun of my grammar and typos cause i typed this fast and dont give shit so i wont be re-reading or correcting it. Only Cocksuckers would care anyways.

We’re all with sin, the difference is do we know it and look for the way out of the crap and the way to be for each other, or try to stir up hate and arguments. I’ve done my fare share of sinning and it’s got me no where. there’s gotta be something better than just talking. Skin color is just that, skin color. And the difference between races is a difference of culture, not color. It all comes together to make a sweet image of God in humanity. …… And religion is messed up, it doesn’t change anyone, it just causes genocide, the crusades, the inquisition and racism. It’s faith in a savior that changes. Truth that works that makes a difference.

This blog is awesome, but it’s strange how SERIOUS some people are taking this. Calm down and take a laugh, that’s what life is about no? I don’t even understand how you can take such a funny blog and make it so drearily serious. Why watch comedy if you can’t take it?

Actually no. Sure, it sounds like it may be the case, but it isn’t. I play a lot of bball. Both white and black players LOVE the assist. Giving an assist in Bball is a universal thing unless you’re only a three point shooter. And we know how white people love to take the three. And I’m surprised its #4?!

btw, Hiking should be #4. Doesn’t get more white than Hiking.
I don’t even see it on the list.

This is fucking stupid. The only reason I would even wanna play in the NBA is so I could marry a white girl with blonde hair and fake tits. Because, afterall, that is what comes after the contract is signed. I’ll put my nuts on Kobes forehead and tell him to eat a dick while I dunk on his punk ass.

Other things white people DON’T LIKE:
Paying for tickets to a basketball game and getting sucker punched by Ron Artest.

Hey King Size you DUMB FUCK. Maybe talk about something you know about, like sucking cock. Gretzky has more assists than anyone else in the league has POINTS.

Just to make sure you understand, as you’re obviously quite stupid: He has over 1,900 career assists. Mark Messier has the second highest points, with 694 goals and 1,193 assists and therefore…wait for it…1,887 points.

You SO obviously aren’t white, else you would know this. Be stupid somewhere else.

yeah the only reason i laugh during a nba game is when the 6’7 thugenomics major from Brooklyn gets his head band knocked off or is slightly elbowed in the tummy, he freaks out like the guy tried to stab him..
stop acting pathetic like a college freshman girl jogging through an airport & toughen up after u get fouled, isnt that why they have all those tattoos?

Yeah, when I think of Steve Nash or Wayne Gretzky dishing off, I can’t help but be reminded of colonialism. I feel the same sense of catharsis when I pass the rock myself: “Here you go, black friend. Here’s two points, and sorry about what “my people” did to “your people.” Friggin’ moron.

This is what happens when a white blogger is obsessed with his own whiteness. He probably has a postgraduate degree in English (African American and/or Postcolonial literature, maybe? Maybe a thesis on visions of empire in Victorian English novels?) and therefore only has the ability of applying the IDEA of race to actual sociological and political-economy problems.

Hello everybody, I told you I would not change my name, and damn it, here I am. I am the REAL Enigma and don’t you forget it, you stupid red neck emposter. Suck a dick. I know I pissed you off, and I plan to do it for a very long time. To those who believed that asshole was me, suck a dick and get fucked, for those who knew it wasnt me and said nothing, kiss my ass too. I’m back, actually, I never left so get use to it. hahaha. Dumb Ass Luke, Buttaroo, Nobraina, and the rest of you dumbass redneck losers who conspire to get my goat, mission NOT accomplished. I told your bitch asses that you would give up YOUR name before I give up mine!!! hahaha

So, as a show of my appreciation to the piss poor emposter(’s) attempt to make me retire my name, I give you………

I’m back ya’ll and I figue I will start another lil story. I see I have enough players to make a decent little drama. After reading the post on this site, I decided to name this lil story,

“No country for dumb men”
enjoy

Let me tell you a story about a time when I almost got away with identity theft. Oh, who am I. I go by many names, but due to the fact I watched one too many tough guy movies, I call myself, Hot Foot Luke. I know, it’s a silly name, but due to the fact that I am not considered cool, hot seemed like a more logical choice. Anyways, I live in a city suburb in the mid west. I can’t disclose the actual location because,….. well, if I did, it would get more people one step closer to finding out who I am. I always had trouble in school, but I am finally about to graduate. My mommy pulled a few strings for me and convinced the principal to allow me to graduate this year. Yessss, I was starting to feel the pressure of being 23yo and in still in high school. I started to feel like, well, it just was’nt cool anymore. Anyways, my story begins, the way so many do, on a clear blue monday morning.

As my alarm clock rang and broke my slumber, I had a feeling this was going to be one of those days. I hate going to school, I hate having to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to catch the school bus. My only biggest regret though was staying up late last night watching dirty cable movies. But since I can’t get a girl friend, a nerds got to do what a nerds got to do. I get from under my sheets and I shove my teddy bear, Daisy, under the bed where no one will find her. Dear ol Daisy, she has gotten me through some really lonely nights. She used to be my lil sisters teddy, she had her all dressed up. When she went away to college last year, I took advantage of the oportunity and snatched her and hid her in my room. Her fur placed against my skin feels so natural to me, not to mention, with the lil outfit lil sis put on her, I can hide my glory hole around her private areas pretty well. The hole is nice and small, easy to miss, but nice and roomy for me to do what need to do. Daisy is a very good lover, but I have no time to day dream about it now, I have to rince the residue of me and Daisys hot late night cable porn adventure off my hands. Then again, on second thought, it will take only a minute. hehe, come here daisy.

Hot foot luke reaches underneith the bed to retrieve his beloved lover Daisy, the teddy bear. He unzips the long pajama zipper on his on peice footie pajamas and rest his love on his chest, rubbing the nose against his nipples.
“oooooh, you feel sooo good baby” he says in a slow dliberate voice.
He slowly slides the lil cheerleader bear outfit off of daisy and pulls down his underwear exposing his teddy bear pleaser tool. He slides daisy’s exposed privates down towards his lil wee wee. With a blank teddy bear look on her face, she slowly mounts mt. Luke. Hot foot shutters with pleasure. His breathing is getting deeper and more intense. Beads of sweat is starting to form along his body. Daisy continues to stare blankly forward as Luke does what he do. The pleasure is building up in Luke and he starts to thrust Daisys love hole even harder.
Now usually when Hot foot Luke has his lil make out session with his baby daisy, he is careful to lock the door to his room. The reason I brought that up is because HFL realized he did’nt lock the door as his mommy turned the door knob to enter to make sure he was up for school. She swings open the door and says……………….

to be continued

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enigma da director #2 on August 30, 2009 at 12:07 am
When we left off, Hot Foot Luke was in the middle of a hot steamy make out session with this little sisters teddy bear Daisy when his mommy came to check on him. She opens the door and says….

“you up my lil swee…………………OH GOOD!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU LIL PERV!!!!!!!” she yells.
“MOM, IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. I,I,I, I, WAS……..” he stutters.
“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, OH GOOD, AND IN THE PAJAMAS GRANDMA GAVE YOU…….HOW COULD, OH GOD.”
she closes her eyes and slams the door. Luke lost his mood that morning. He throws his teddy on the floor mad and embarrassed, not to mention ashamed. But to ad to his indignity, his bedroom door opens again and his mom storms in with rubber gloves on her hands and grabs poor Daisy.
“MOM, NOOOOO!!!!” luke yells
“DEMON, this, this, this, THING, is of the devil. To hell with it” she yells as she heads to the trashcan outside. Luke can’t protest but so much. He was always a mommas boy and did’nt have very much heart. Mom ran his life. As he watched her fussing as she threw his lover into the trash, everything seemed to move in slow motion.
“How dare that lil freak embarrass me like this” she rants outloud, ” and I know this bear, We won this bear….at the amusment park (sniff), what have you done, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE…..!!!!!!” she says getting louder and louder.
” YOU NEED JESUS, you… you…. you ….bear raping FREAK!!!, it’s your sisters bear, wait til I tell her what you have been doing to all her stuffed animals. You should be shame of yourselfff.” she rants.

Fearing his neighbors may be looking, Hot Foot Luke decide not to look around out the window for fear he may see one of them listening. He sheepishly gets dressed and sneaks past his angry mother who has just came back into the house. Luke creeps out the door, to ashamed to say his usual good byes to his mother. As he closes the door behind himself, he can still here her calling him a ‘bear fucking freak’.

He walks to the bus stop up the street from his home and he feels like the whole neighborhood is watching him. The bus can’t get here fast enough he thinks to himself as he takes his walk of shame. He thought the worst was behind him til he looked up at the bus stop and saw who was standing there. He looked up with pure dread in his eyes. His mouth became dry, a lump formed in his throat and his heart just sank. Standing at the bus stop was his bully UH HUH. Uh Huh was a senior in high school, and he always got pleasure in kicking Lukes ass so when Luke saw him there, he wanted to turn around and run but his feet wouldnt let him. He just sinks his chin onto his chest deeper and takes the last few steps to the bus stop.

“hey dumbass” Uh Huh says
“yes?” Luke answers as he looks up from the ground.
That was not a very good idea, as he looked up, he was greeted by a five fingers balled up into a big fist that landed in the middle of Hot Foot Lukes face. As Uh Huh stands there laughing, Luke realizes, it’s barely 6:15 am and his day is already THIS bad, it will only get worse. The bus pulls up and everybody gets on board. Uh huh, Greg214, will talk about him later, and our zero hotfootluke.

“I’m not as happy as I should be” Luke thinks as the bus doors close behind him. I don’t want to go to school he thinks to himself, but his fate is sealed, and he still has to face the biggest threat of all once he gets on campus. But first he has to survive the bus ride to school, and with everyone, including the bus driver who is screwing his mom picking on him, it may not be as easy as it sounds.

The bus finally arrives at the school and Luke scans the area to make sure the coast is clear of other bullies. Uh huh is not paying him any attention at the moment, so he grabs the opportunity flee. As he bolts off the bus, he beelines to his home room, grabs the desk closest to the teachers desk and he waits, waiting on who else will be arriving. Waiting to see who will be using him as a punching bag next. As he stares out the door, he sees the shadows of students going back and forth. Then a shadow stops and heads into the room. Luke looks aniously at the door to see who walks in, his eyes get big and palms get sweaty as he sees……………………………

to be continues

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enigma da director #3 on August 30, 2009 at 6:58 pm
When we left off last time, hot foot luke was cowarding in his class room waiting to see who his class mates would be. Then a shadow stops and heads into the room…………

Luke looks aniously at the door to see who walks in, his eyes get big and palms get sweaty as he sees a female student walk in. He felt sense of releaf seeing her. He let his gaurd down somewhat sensing she was no threat. To make a long story short, he experieced a drama free first half of class. Special education class was very good to him this year but every nerd knows, there is one place where they are not safe. 12:00 high, lunch time. The time of milk carton showers, lunch tray ducking, and giving up your lunch and lunch money judgement. Luke is dreading this time. No protection from the teacher, he has to fend for himself, but after 23 years, he has learned a trick or two to survive this horrible hour. He would set at the far end of the losers table with his head down, blending in with the rest of the more cooler and respected nerds. This technique did not work this time. Even the freshmen gave him hell, but thats another story. He survived his first day of school, but after his bus ride home, his life would suddenly change forever.

Luke got off the school bus and headed home, he breathed a sigh of relief knowing that his nimesis Uh Huh did not ride the bus home today. He was able to walk alil more confident than usual. As he was walking home this day, thinking how he will be the man once he graduates in June, something caught his eye. He looked down and saw a opened letter for the players ball. It was addressed to Big dick louie, For you L.7 (squares) folks out there, the players ball is for the coolest of the cool. The ball was tonight at 9pm, the letter said. Use the letter as proof for entry.
“I guess the mailman dropped the letter” luke thought to himself.
“If I put on my most spiffy clothes, I could remake myself into something cool. Look the part, be the part as the saying goes” he rationalized. ” I will just pretend to be Louie, They won’t know. There will be lots of people there, who will know?”

Luke rushes home, opens the door and heads to his room. Laying on his bed was a not written by his mother that says
” My son, my lil pervert. I never thought in a million years that you would break my heart the way you did. I want you out of my house. I made arrangements for you to live with your biological dad and his boyfriend. I will not have a freak living under my roof. Start packing you things, I will take you there this weekend.”
Lukes heart sank, he then remembered his beloved Daisy. He runs outside and opens the trash can. There, laying next to the burnt out vibrator and used condoms was Daisy the bear. He grabs his bear and runs back into his room. He closes his door and immediately opens his closet looking for something to wear tonight.

As he thumbs thru his old sunday suits, he tries to figure out what would a pimp wear to the ball. He grabs his 1984 Miami Vice pink shirt with white slacks. Yeah, this is nice. He needs a crown, he looks at his old hats but can’t find anything so he heads to his mothers room. He raids her closet and finds he has hit the mother load. She has a pink and white extra wide rim hat with chicken feathers on the side.
“yeah, I can work this” he says as he trys it on.
He then heads to her jewelry box and grabs several fake gold rings and gold necklaces.

“I am rocking this baby, now for the main attraction.” he thinks.
He reaches for the heavy duty wooden hanger with the long plastic on it that drags to the floor. He grabs that hanger and removes the plastic. Under the plastic is the killer, a grey and brown muskrat fur coat. He puts on the coat and profiles infront of the long mirror.

” I am da shit!!!!” he thinks to himself.
In his eyes, he thinks he is the man. But in reality, he is a royal hot mess.

It is now 8:00, he puts on his last minute touches. His mom wont be home til late tonight, she is out working the block. The keys to the second car is hanging on the wall, he is set. He grabs the keys to the car and heads out on his lil adventure assuming the name of big dick louie. Will it work, we will soon find out…….

1 day a cuple yeers ago i suked a big juicy dick and it was good reel good. last nite my dad stuk his tung in myz asshole and i liked it i’s like it alot mm mmm. this mornin i was wachin saved by da bell on da tv end i’s got real horny when i’s saw zak morris so i started jerking off wit a cheeze grater it bes da best tug i’s ever had than i had myz dog (whos i namd al sharpton) like my cumy dick cleen!

Hey, I love having gay sex with my servants, and burning down orphanages! I write for http://StuffRichPeopleLove.com it’s a very unoriginal/unclever site. My penis is less than two inces long, and I have trouble getting it up!

When we left hot foot luke, he was getting ready to go to the players ball as big dick louie. All dressed up and looking like a halloween throw back pimp, he dashes to the car to take it to the function. He attempts to start the car but to his dismay, it will not start.

” I don’t get it, I got the key in the ignition…. what’s the matter?” he thinks to himself as he gaze blankly at the ignition switch.
“Mom never had a problem starting it before, let me try this again”.
He pulls out the keys and re-inserts it back in the ignition. He pauses and waits.
Nothing.
“What now?” he thinks to himself as he gets out the car.” Am I suppose to do something else?”
Our pathetic lil Luke never realized he has to turn the ignition key to start the car.
He puts the keys up and decides to catch a cab to the ball, He walks to the corner and looks for a cab but there is none to be hailed, so he decides to try his hand at hitch hiking. He raises his thumb and a old rusty pick up truck stops to give him a ride.
” Hi, my name is Kenny, but people just say killkenny for fun, yucka yucka, yucka.” the driver says.
“I’m Luke, hot foot luke, can you give me a ride to this address?” he says as he hands kenny the flyer.
“Well, yep, I sure can. Get on in.”
Luke gets in the truck and they head to the function.

“1 day a cuple yeers ago i suked a big juicy dick and it was good reel good. last nite my dad stuk his tung in myz asshole and i liked it i’s like it alot mm mmm. this mornin i was wachin saved by da bell on da tv end i’s got real horny when i’s saw zak morris so i started jerking off wit a cheeze grater it bes da best tug i’s ever had than i had myz dog (whos i namd al sharpton) like my cumy dick cleen!” Kenny says to Luke.
“Me too, that Zack is soo ho….., hey wait a minute. I’m not gay dude.”
Luke caught himself. I only jerk off to the black girl on that show, I never thought about having Slater in my mouth while Skreetch pumped me in my asshole. That never crossed my mind.” Luke says.
“Oh, I apologize, with your purty lil outfit on, I just thought……”
“don’t worry bout it Kenny,” Luke says with a slight smile. that is the first positive comment someone has said to him in a while.
“So…ummm…Kenny, when your dad… er.. stuck his tongue in your bootie, did it feel good?” Luke ask nervously.
“Well yes it did. It felt alil something like……” Kenny pulls over the truck and puts it in park. He puts his hands on Lukes shoulders and gently turns him to the truck door. Luke is soo obedient. He does as instructed. He starts to breath a little heavier as Kenny undos his pants. He has’nt felt this good since his lil love session with his teddy bear. Kenny leans over and sticks out his tongue and he……….

to be continued.

Will Hot Foot Luke accidently fart on KillKenny’s tongue?
Will the police creep up from behind and shine the spotlight on the two love birds in a compremising position?
Will the aroma of man lust musk attract a rabid raccoon that will bite Kenny on the ass while he is fucking Luke in the butthole?
Stay tuned boys and girls, for the next episode of

1 day a cuple yeers ago i suked a big juicy dick and it was good reel good. last nite my dad stuk his tung in myz asshole and i liked it i’s like it alot mm mmm. this mornin i was wachin saved by da bell on da tv end i’s got real horny when i’s saw zak morris so i started jerking off wit a cheeze grater it bes da best tug i’s ever had than i had myz dog (whos i namd al sharpton) like my cumy dick cleen!

1 day a cuple yeers ago i suked a big juicy dick and it was good reel good. last nite my dad stuk his tung in myz asshole and i liked it i’s like it alot mm mmm. this mornin i was wachin saved by da bell on da tv end i’s got real horny when i’s saw zak morris so i started jerking off wit a cheeze grater it bes da best tug i’s ever had than i had myz dog (whos i namd al sharpton) like my cumy dick cleen!

Michael on August 16, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Sorry, that’s how I get through life. At work, in school and with other people. More of a Californian thing, if I wasn’t in the state of Cal. I wouldn’t be required to, then I’m one of those autistic nerds or something tries to get by in life. I’m a product of my own environment, middle-class people get down on their luck and have to face reality. I share this guy’s sarcastic sense of humor on how he perceives the world through a “white man’s” comical point of view. +

See autism boy, I can dig up alot more on your dumb ass if you continue with this race shit that you started.

“One explanation is that white people still feel guilty over slavery, colonialism, and the crusades so passing is a way to make up for it. But more importantly, it makes them feel good to help others.”

This comment is a load of shit. I am proud of slavery, proud of colonialism, and proud of the crusades and all of the arabs our race killed during them. My favorite song is Dixie. I was born in the capital of the great confederacy, and as far as I’m concerned, we do not have a president until 2012. Fuck you, and this fucking stupid article.

“…like trying to be a white rapper – yeah, there are a few, but you have to work twice as hard for half the results…”

I despise rap and those few white rappers should be ashamed of themselves.

This country should be ashamed of itself for allowing racism against whites to occur.

I understand why people would be offended by the comments of this specimen, but just remember that he refers to himself as “sleeveless.” I have a feeling sleeveless is sitting in his mom’s trailer right now wishing he knew what “sushi” meant instead of out fighting a war anyway.

Pretty sure certified non-white guys Karl Malone, Amare Stoudamire, Shawn Marion, etc like assists as much as the little white guys that set them up.

Oh, and does anybody remember Greece vs USA, 2004 Olympics (or maybe 2006 World Championships, can’t remember)? Where ye old pick-n-roll, a play which when run effectively results in an assist or an open jump shot (another thing white people like only because they can’t dunk), killed the vastly more talented US team?

Lots of things on this list are like “White people like food, clothing and shelter. Silly white people.” Assists is exhibit A. Assists are part of playing the game at its highest level. They are unambiguously good. People that don’t like them don’t understand the game.

Are you kidding me? Why should I feel guilty about what my ancestors did? It’s one thing to look at history and make judgments about it, but to feel guilty implies that we (as people who are alive today) are somehow responsible. I feel absolutely no guilt about our history. Now, if I have a tendency to support concepts such as slavery, then guilty would be an appropriate way to feel.

Uh, no. It’s not a good thing. I didn’t participate in any of those institutions. Neither did you. Or your parents. Or their parents, more than likely. Guilty of being white? No. I’m a boy. You’re a girl. Make your own life. That’s it.

No, rather it gives birth to programs like welfare, affirmative action, and the NAACP. White people in this country have been taught that we are bad for being the color that we are- guilty by association for actions against others. if a murder killed your wife, and then committed suicide, would you go after his son or his grandson?

I have a feeling that if you tried to “cut” Steve’s ass, you would be shot with a double barrelled shotgun for trespassing on his property. Don’t fuck with white people if you know what’s good for you. They don’t hold guns like the rest of the dumb black ghetto people who shoot sideways with gold plated barettas.

Look, I don’t agree with what “Sleeveless” said (though I think he was probably parodying anyway) but I’m tired of comments like this! I’m from the South and I am not inbred, uneducated or racist. There’s a whole mythology that has been built up in the North that they were completely blameless in the slave trade (which WAS a complete travesty). The North was one of the greatest producers of slave ships and, last time I checked, there is still racial tension and racial inequality in the North. The reason slavery was bigger in the South was because states like North and South Carolina, Georgia, and Virginia have climates that supported big cash crops that were fueled by slave labor (ex. rice, tobacco, cotton, etc.). I’m not saying that that was a good thing AT ALL. Slavery is a blight on our history, the history of our ENTIRE COUNTRY. There were Northerners who owned slave too by the way. If the North had had a semi-tropical climate that supported these cash crops, it would have seen just as much slavery and, because of a resulted greatly increased African American population, more persistent racial tensions and inequality. Blaming the South and characterizing them in the way you have done does nothing to solve the problem of racism still in our country! Okay, I’m done rambling!

Guilt over that which is done with and not by our own hands is about as useful as sticking your hand in a paper shredder– nothing really comes of it, but some people like to try it anyway. We’re white– I’m white. And I know my ancestors helped pervert the notion of slavery, but you can’t change the past. Moreover, even if I could, I wouldn’t. Slavery made us what we are today, and we’ve all gotta get over such racist notions of guilt for it. And how many white people really feel guilt about the Crusades these days?

Feel guilty about slavery, colonialism, and the crusades isn’t a good thing. That stuff is history. Should the average German feel bad about Nazism? Should all Muslims feel bad about 9/11? Personally, I’m tired of people telling me I should feel guilty about something I had nothing to do with.

By the way, this site is hilarious and was probably written by a white person.

It’s true, you do seem like a whiney bastard. By the way, why are black people still called “African Americans” when most of them have never even been to Africa, care about whats happening there, and I know a few that can’t even locate it on a map? African Americans are people that Immigrated into America from Africa. I feel that if we are going to generalize groups of people, they should be colour coded. “Asian Americans” are Yellow, Native Americans/Indians are Red, Black is black and White is white. Im sick of people saying thats racist, because if anyone really believes in equality, it doesnt matter. Ive never been called a “Brittish American” or an “Irish American”, its always been White, so why does anyone who looks like prople of other nationalities or of foreign decent take offense by it? We Whities learned to laugh at ourselves a long time ago, because, HELL, we’re all funny in our own way.

And another thing…. Why do some decendents of slaves feel like the decendents of slave owners owe them something? they werent slaves, and the slave owners decendents never had slaves. For that matter, if you think I owe you something because someone of my race “owned” someone of your race, I’d be DAMN happy to buy you a ticket back to Africa(or whatever), so dont complain, because you got it pretty flipping good here, because of the struggles of your ancestors, who never gave up, and tried to make a better life for themselves and others to come, only to have whiney bastards as decendents.

Further to my point, I am reminded of a television interview I saw many years ago. A reporter from one of the major US television networks (I forget which one) was interviewing black British athlete Kriss Akabusi after being a member of the 400 meters relay team that took the gold medal at the 1991 Athletics World Championships. The interviewer started off with:

“So, Kriss, what does this mean to you as an African-American?”

“I’m not American, I’m British”

“Yes, but as a British African-American …”

“I’m not African. I’m not American. I’m British.”

This went on for some time before the reporter got so flustered that she gave up and went to interview someone else.

enough with calling blacks whiny bastards. No one fucking cares if you feel guilty or not. You have no reason to be. My wife is black and works hard everyday to get where she is at in her life and has never ever whined about racism or any such thing. I don’t feel guilty about slavery and it never comes up. Those who dwell on it, are guilty, if you didn’t feel some modicum of guilt you wouldn’t be so angry about it.

but the effects of what our ancestors did can still be seen today, so while maybe we shouldn’t feel ‘guilty’ we still should not fail to recognize what happened/happening and take some social responsibility…

How did I miss this idiot. The south has risen son, on the mighty cender blocks that support the trailer you live in. Now tell your second cousin wife to take her feet out the stew she is cooking for dinner. Contrary to popular redneck belief, literally putting your feet into possume stew is not going to make it taste better. No go brush your tooth, you are dismissed boy.

ok so maybe it’s because i’m aussie, but when i read ‘assist’ i didn’t think basketball, i thought online gaming… assist means someone helped you or you helped someone kill a specific target (think halo, or gears of war), so you don’t get that kill added to your record. sux hey? 🙂

Shan…that is a VERY recent term in regards to video games. Get out in the real world a bit, “assist” has always been a word used in sports. If you are around 14 years old, I can understand why you thought it started in video games

Yes, Stockton was white and had more assists than any one ever. But his scoring-machine teammate, Karl Malone was a huge a gun nut, drove pick up trucks, and participated in pro wrestling. He was perhaps the whitest guy in NBA history outside of George Mikan.

also that is why white guys are predominately quarter backs because they pass and hand the ball off but are a small percentage of those who actually score besides kickers which is another white athletic tendency ie soccer lol though the greatest soccer player of all time was a man of african descent hmmm and brazil has won the most world cups and has the highest population of people of african descent in the western hemisphere…nmmm never mind the last part lol

so true man lmao high school soccer players u gt us the mexicans who feel white ppl suck bt see them play and da teamwork they do( which is passing) is excellent they pretty much slaughtered us every game haha by the way my four years in college white teams took state haha

White people, well all people, also enjoy http://www.NakedHipster.com. Mainly because the girls are hot and don’t have clothes on. Usually those two things go well together. You know, the hotness and the nakedness.
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The Phoenix Suns are LOL in the annual outdoor NBA game in the Tennis Garden of Indian Wells, Cal. We are Laker fans in Sou. Cal. so the next time they ought to have the Lakers play. The Suns market base is toast.

Personally, as a white person I do not get offended by almost any stereotype mainly because that is just my personality. What people say has never really bothered me. However, this stereotype sounds completely bizarre. Saying that great white athletes only care about assists in sports because they feel guilty over slavery is one of the most unpractical arguments I have ever heard. There is absolutely no validity to this claim.

If you have a black friend who’s really into motion pictures, 9 times out of 10 before the day is out he/she’s going to quote a famous phrase from one of his/her favorite movies. It could come randomly appearing out of nowhere or where saying that quote perfectly fits the current situation.

eg: “I had a blast at the club last night!”

“Yeah it was off the chain!”

“Did you get old girl’s number?”

“And you know this mannnnnnnnn!” (from friday)

Honestly I don’t know why we do this. But it feels gratifying to us using a quote from a movie to get our point across. If you are planning on indulging in this form of activity a little word of advice, DON’T MESS UP THE MOVIE QUOTE! A black person will have no qualms with blatently correcting you on your mistake.

I’m not offended by what’s on the list: I’m offended by what’s NOT on the list. I’m white, and I love fried chicken and watermelon. Every white person I know LOVES fried chicken and watermelon. I don’t see either of those on the list. By the way, what is an Assist (#4)? Someone has called me anal. That doesn’t make sense though. Who likes anal people?

Your right we can’t jump BUT What about all those whites who are kicking a@# in the mixed martial arts arena (MMA)? Or those whites that always seem to win those crazy strongest man in the world contests? Ah yes that white guy who recently bench pressed 1,000 lbs. Or those whites who throw passes on professional football teams (you know that silly little thing called the NFL) while taking a beating from the defensive line yet they keep getting back up despite concussions to pass for another few downs? Or maybe those whites who get checked into the thick glass in a professional hockey game ,nearly having their skulls crushed in the process, only to get back up and keep playing? Oh yeah! and we can’t forget those whites who play rugby and Australian rules football now can we? Of course we also have those whites who would work 3 jobs a day before even considering the idea of collecting welfare …

i’m white, 6’1 and 31 yrs old, and I can actually still dunk, pretty mind boggling huh? This list should be called stuff liberal college educated progressives like. Or, stuff I feel culturally excluded from. Hey if we turn the tables though this book gets burned right? How about I skip my next healthfood store sandwich and throw down on a value meal for the same damn price. Or how about I buy an $80,000 car when I make twenty grand a year. then i’d be keeping it real. p.s. I grew up attending head start and living on public assistance. The white people are to blame for everything era has lasted my whole life, and I am well aware of how much to blame white people are historically, I’m a history teacher. I am also aware of how powerful white folks are still to blame.. learned that shit from noam chomsky!

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