How Can Men and Boys Work To Prevent and Address Gender-Based Violence?

In her remarks for the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, Ambassador-at-Large for Global Women's IssuesMelanne Verveer said, "Gender-based violence is not solely a women's issue -- it is a development, humanitarian, and security issue that affects us all."How can men and boys work to prevent and address gender-based violence?

Comments

Comments

Oystercracker

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United States

December 10, 2010

O.C. in the U.S.A. writes:

@ John P,

What you consider American kindness in the world is really just opportunity and influence. Although it's wired in the American psyche to want to help others. What has all these years of American foreign policy really gotten us? All the manipulation was unecessary when they could've partnered with others to build dynamic systems of governance and infrastructure. America could have been a beacon that others governments would have wanted to exemplify but instead it's become the laughing stock of the world. There is a saying something like it's easier to influence bees with honey than with something bitter. America has lost its opportunity because they were too busy focusing on the "micro" pay-offs and corporate manipulation when they should have kept their focus on the big prize, an entire nation of friendly, grateful citizens. Greed and corruption are nation killers. Capitalism is dead.

Oystercracker

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United States

December 10, 2010

O.C. in the U.S.A. writes:

@ Eric,

I don't know. How much information can a flash drive hold these days?

When I think of Eric from New Mexico, a big question mark appears in my brain.

John P.

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Greece

December 10, 2010

John P. in Greece writes:

@ O.C. in the U.S.A.

I think we should stop this dialogue for now. I see the sky as blue, but you think it’s yellow.

If you think that capitalism is dead, we are a thousand miles away.

I can’t help you with this, but I believe that â€œfutureâ€ will make it for me.

But, that’s Ok, you have every right to express your opinion.

Concerning â€œhow much information can a flash drive holdâ€ these days, I think that the answer is that no matter the number of stolen pages, it certainly cannot â€œholdâ€ the know-how to become successful. You see, this amazing â€œtoolâ€ is kept secure inside American-Western high intelligent brains.

And until now, there is no technology to break into our thinking talent. It’s physical.

Eric

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New Mexico, USA

December 10, 2010

Eric in New Mexico writes:

Not extremist yet OC, but you do get a tad carried away perhaps,... hey anyway it's good advice for them too.

Oystercracker

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United States

December 11, 2010

O.C. in the U.S.A. writes:

@John P.,
Yeah, the once greatest nation on planet earth is being held hostage by 16 year old hackers.

Oystercracker

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United States

December 11, 2010

O.C. in the U.S.A. writes:

The difference between you and I, Eric is that I know that Mafia criminals run our country. You think their actions are benevolent, I think they are criminal. Who's the extremist now?

Eric

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New Mexico, USA

December 12, 2010

Eric in New Mexico writes:

I think that was an extreme mischaracterization but you can keep on wishing it was run like that if you like, that's your problem OC.

I don't know why I be a ? in you mind but...

I'm obviously not buying what your selling.

John P.

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Greece

December 12, 2010

John P. in Greece writes:

@ O.C. in U.S.A.

I don’t know if you are an extremist, but certainly you act and think like an anarchist.

You cannot call American politicians as criminals. This is too extremist. You have every right to agree or disagree with their decisions, either they come from the Republican or the Democratic side, but you don’t have the right to call them â€œcriminalsâ€. After all you should respect millions of People who vote for them, believe in them and recognize their service. Do you think that you are more clever than millions of American people? If you believe so, I think you should also check your deification symptoms along with your political views.

Anyway, I am trying to protect you. Nobody will take you seriously if you keep on concluding, especially without offering arguments, that politicians are criminals and mafia. It becomes too childish.
----------------------------------------------

Returning back to the starting line, I feel like saying that through our comments (I mean the healthy ones) we can focus on a serious parameter that came up from our discussion: safe internet.
Maybe the right use of internet can help a lot on â€œHow Can Men and Boys Work To Prevent and Address Gender-Based Violenceâ€.

Especially if we secure the source and identification of â€œwho is whoâ€ over the web.

Recent â€œweb-terroristâ€ events (wikileaks) underlined a new millennium threat: How do we use internet and what governments can do to secure and keep healthy this sensitive platform which is full of dangers.

Everybody knows that people who abuse children, people who are engaged in human trafficking, even terrorists who offer their know-how on how to â€œbuild your ownâ€ little bomb, use internet in order to reach their â€œvictimsâ€. And they act in a web environment that covers them up with anonymous and anarchistic characteristics.

If you think it seriously, we are unprotected!

So, today, although web is one of the best and most useful inventions in the history of human kind, we have to faceâ€¦ some problems.

Governments â€“in a Global scale, because web is Global- must ASAP collaborate, discuss and create a security platform that will protect us from web-anarchism and web-terrorism.

Anonymous may sound Free, but it’s also Extremely Dangerous.

@Eric in New Mexico

As you wisely thought of the â€œnuclear chessâ€, I think it’s about time to start thinking of another similar concept. Something like â€œWeb nuclear sitesâ€. (CHUCKLE)

ERic

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New Mexico, USA

December 12, 2010

Eric in New Mexico writes:

@John in Greece,

The web is like a mirror, what you put into the looking glass is generally what you get out of it.

if what yopu put into it is a reflection of self, then a reflection of your self is what you get in return.

Thus the phrase "instant karma" becomes manifest in the digital age on various levels.

For some it is like a train wreck in the making, while the rest of us just watch and wonder...

'Lil Julian is like 'lil Kim, without the nukes...same mindset that thinks the world ows them a living.

Eventually they simply self-destruct..or force action upon them that has that same effect.

We don't need to invent "nuclear chess" when they are creating their own glow in the dark solution and seem so virtually willing to nuke themselves virtually or otherwise.

Like the taliban blowing themselves up and pissing off a lot of people doing it...it doesn't work for them as a sustainable strategy...it's just another twisted form of hari-kiri.

This too shall pass into the dustbin of history.

Oystercracker

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United States

December 12, 2010

O.C. in the U.S.A. writes:

@Eric,
If that's a gross mischaracterization then why do you accuse one of it? You throw up abuse on others but in the end you can't take it. What kind of Buddhist are you?

@JohnP,
Calling Russia a Mafia state is like calling the kettle black. There are no degrees of criminality. Criminality is criminality. Americans haven't had much of a choice so they've voted in the least bad option. Now they see that the Republicans are useless too so they'll be forming a third option. I appreciate you trying to protect me but corruption is how this government has operated for far too long and the American people are finally starting to wake up to it.
Americans don't need bipartisanship. They need patriots who love their country and will move the country forward. And I don't mean dysfunctional love based on usury and tyranny. I'm beginning to doubt that men can have a positive impact on the world because they have a conquer mentality not a share mentality as most women do. Women who enter politics have to have a really thick skin. Even Hillary Clinton seems to be throwing her hands up in disgust.
As far as internet safety goes, that's a trade off between security and free speech, a so called American right. If America spent more time going after their own big criminals, we wouldn't be in this mess.

John P.

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Greece

December 12, 2010

John P. in Greece writes:

@O.C. in Russia

"Calling Russia a Mafia state is like calling the kettle black."

Dear O.C. can I call you ex KGB? who cannot accept... it died! ?

Eric

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New Mexico, USA

December 12, 2010

Eric in New Mexico writes:

No one is abusing you OC, but maybe you'd like to think so to claim "victim" status?

When you have something substative to contribute to this discussion without getting all personal about it, then maybe you'll have grasped that my remarks arn't about you at all, with the exception that I'm not buying your extreme make-over on reality and told you so.

The reason for that is that it is only your subjective opinion at work here in print, not fact based content that drives it..

If you wish to be insulted that I don't believe a thing you say anymore...so be it, that too is your problem, not mine.

My religious faith is not up for your interpretation , as I'm just this person.

Your holier than thou attitude is getting tiresome I must say...you hold no corner on the truth dear. Nor do I.

But you just might corner the market on conspiracy theory posted on Dipnote if you try a little harder...(chuckle).

Apparently you can't handle a conversation with a couple reasonable gentlemen without getting angry at every man in general in the entire world.

John's right, it's time to end this conversation.

It's becoming way too predictable.

patrice

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New Jersey, USA

December 13, 2010

Patrice in New Jersey writes:

Our laws have to change.

As part of my studies for my Psychology of Women class, I conducted some research recently and discovered that in the US, domestic violence was transferred from criminal courts to family court in the 1960’s and 70’s-- just as the civil rights movement was moving forward. So how did this happen? Taking domestic violence out of criminal court jurisdiction has turned back the hands of time, condoning abuse of women and children, and violating women’s civil rights. How can we change this jurisdiction back, making domestic violence a criminal matter?

Non-abusive protective mothers want their children to be healthy, happy and safe, and want to give their children the tools to live an abuse free life. But our family court system is teaching our children that abuse, aggression, harassment, violence, and dishonesty is acceptable conduct against women and childrenâ€”for it victoriously prevails. Our family court system is leaving women and children in crisis broken and bankrupt.

As a divorced mother with two precious boys, ages 10 & 13, and a survivor of domestic violence, I am the founder and co-facilitator of a support group called The Nurtured Parent. We hold weekly meetings to support individuals healing from the devastating effects of abuse. These beautiful women of different ethnic, religious, and socioeconomic classes tell chillingly similar stories. All of them have been strong enough to leave their verbal, emotional, and physical abusers, and all of them are overcome with despair when they become further victimized by the family court System. In essence, â€œthe systemâ€ has become an additional abuser. We have reached out to local legislators and our Governor to no avail. The women who have attempted to receive justice by contacting their presiding Judge’s superior were sanctioned financially by their presiding Judge, receiving further abuse, humiliation, and injustice. I am one of thousands who believe that the civil rights of women are violated in family court, due process has been denied us, and judicial misconduct has taken place. Family Courts in this country encourage abuse and violate the civil rights of women:

1. By making domestic violence a family court matter and not a CRIMINAL COURT CASE
2. By failing to acknowledge and rule on abuse and violence towards mothers and their children, yet if such an act was carried out against a stranger, it would be considered a criminal act
3. By failing to take action and protect mothers and children in desperate need of domestic violence intervention
4. By handling domestic violence matters with apathy, and proceeding as if protective and abused women are villains
5. By failing to hold accountable documented acts and actions of abuse and fraudulence by abusers
6. By making abusive and criminal behaviors â€œacceptableâ€ when Judges intentionally ignore or discard pertinent facts and criminal history (such as ignoring police reports, therapist reports, school teachers testimony, children's personal testimony, evidence of abuse and threats in e-mails, text messages, voice recordings, etc.), which in essence gives abusers permission to continue with their abusive and criminal conduct
7. By not holding fathers accountable when failing to financially support their children, which forces women to be bankrupted and become a burden to taxpayers when they must go on public assistance
8. By indefinitely prolonging court decisions, causing financial and emotional devastation and compromising the safety, health, and wellbeing of women and their children
9. By ignoring their responsibility for performing due diligence
10. By not understanding or considering the â€œbest interestâ€ of the child (ren)
11. By not mandating abuse and child development training for ALL Family Court personnel directly involved with the daunting task of impacting a child’s life

We need our laws to change, we need justice and we need peace.

Suggestions?

Oystercracker

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United States

December 14, 2010

O.C. in the U.S.A. writes:

@Eric,
Your patronizing attitude is over the top and I'm wondering who died and crowned you Dipnote police? People must question tyranny whether its from the government or a Dipnote blogger. It's important for women to speak up against these injustices. Fortunately, God blessed women with a mental advantage.
When you have something substantive to contribute here, please feel free to open your mouth as you so often do.

@John P from Greece,
Can you please elaborate on your last thought about the KGB? I like spy stories.

@Patrice,
You raise excellent points. Something that happens to women after she has several children is that she becomes very dependent on the man for support. One of the ideas that I had was to bring all government resources down to the child. If children were treated like state crown jewels, their interests could be better protected. In England, when abuse occurs, whichever parent is responsible must leave the home for a month or so until social services can sort it out. This is a good idea because it's less disruptive to the child and mother or vice versa. Also sending in a live-in nanny 911 could help assess a dysfunctional family dynamic and give a family some coping skills. If money and services followed the child and the child's home and school life was preserved above all else it would really protect the child.
Another idea they're establishing is a residential hall for homeless students. This allows a high schooler to finish his/her education without being embroiled in the turmoil of their parent's lives. I like the idea of divorcing children from their parent's drama since they are just the innocent victims. Let the children carry on with or without their parents but above all in a professional, calm environment. This level of support would be very expensive but might save some lives.
One idea I had was to take a hotel and turn it into a a really fun, child sleepover center. Where parents could drop their children off to find some quality time to work on their marriage. All parents want and need a break. If the kids loved going to the center, their parents could have a mini vacation and so could the kids. It could help a marriage. Elitists would say that's what babysitter's are for but they forget that avg. babysitting is prohibitive for most middle income people at $10-15/ hour. There are so many things that could be done to improve our society. I think you can judge a nation by how happy and well adjusted and intelligent their children are. It's a good measure whether society is working or not.

Eric

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New Mexico, USA

December 14, 2010

Eric in New Mexico writes:

OC you want me so desparately to agree with you, but that's not possible ...so how is this being patronizing of your angst? You don't like my observations?...OK fine.

The only thing "over the top" is your suggesting someone appointed me the "Dipnote Police".

Name calling is a sure sign of your mental inability to cope with a viewpoint that is different from your's, so I would not feel so blessed being of small mindedness if I were you. It's hardly a "mental advantage" when you show such bias.

Patrice should know that judges can be recused by a party if motion is made in court to do so.
As well there's a flip side to all of it in that abuse in not gender specific in relationships, and frequently a father's parental rights are abused by family court just as much as she percieves a woman's to be.

Especially where it concerns custody and visitation rights.

All kids really want is for mommy and daddy to be together and happy, so they can be.

And it's always hard for them to cope when reconciliation is not possible among parents.

The only winners in divorce are the lawyers.

Mediation should be attempted before a court decides anything in my opinion.

John P.

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Greece

December 14, 2010

John P. in Greece writes:

@O.C. in the U.S.A.

I don’t have anything to elaborate on and I am not writing fiction. Simply: you don’t sound like American!

In other words, according to my opinion, I think that you do not love U.S.A. But this is just my personal view. If we had a research table of young students in a College, analyzing your political thoughts and thesis, they would probably reach the dissertation status that you may be an ex-KGB who hates capitalism and cannot accept the fact that he lost the game and he/she can’t live with that.
So simple!

But, probably you are not!
However, to be honest with you, you remind me of an exact female copy of Z in U.S.A.

Is it fashion?

JP, DipNote Deputy Sheriff. (Eric: LOL)

@ Eric in New Mexico
I am sure you already know, but O.C. is attempting to engage readers in a fight between men and women, because she could not follow the dialogue otherwise. You know this debate tactic; before you abandon â€œaircraftâ€, you attempt to make a last hit, either by using guns, or the â€œcraftâ€ itself.
â€œThat's not flying, that's just falling with style.â€!

You are absolutely right! I really loved your view: â€œAll kids really want is for mommy and daddy to be together and happy, so they can be.â€.

O.C. is the last one who can accuse you of being DipNote police. She has called you Top Dog. She has called me a spy and now she calls you a DipNote policeman.
What’s next?

Have a blue-sky day captain! (CHUCKLE)

Oystercracker

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United States

December 15, 2010

O.C. in the U.S.A. writes:

@John P.

Who is Z?
The KGB all left Moscow and work for the Federal government now. They let everyone enter the country (like Eric) unscrutinized. Your analysis is wrong dear comrade, they would say that this is a true patriot unlike the numerous criminals sent to Washington.
Oh Comrade,The seagull flies East to drop its payload on the prickly cactus. (chuckle)

I love you, Eric! (LOL)

Eric

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New Mexico, USA

December 15, 2010

Eric in New Mexico writes:

@John P...are you suggesting Z is presently "in drag" posting here?

Well wonders never cease to be I guess, now that OC has apointed me "top dog" and "Dipnote police chief"...if she wasn't dying to appoint me to all these high falutin' titles...I'm about to from laughing so hard thinking about the tickets I'll give out for reckless opinions and/or trying to drive points home through the neighborhood dictator's living room wall. She should probably buy a cash for clunker 4x4 if she wants to do that effectively...(chuckle), I did. Been thanked by more than a few Iranian dissidents for the effort in supporting woman's rights.

Why would anyone want to jump from a perfectly good airplane anyway?...thrills and spills? Or just intellectual suicide?

"falling with style" =

Ooopus grandmaximus...or a perfect face-plant into reality... while screaming at the world all the way down at the unfairness of it all that one forgot their moral parachute?

I suppose we could ask 'lil Julian how he feels at this moment. Some will justify stupidity until the last second I suppose...

'Lil Kim and Ama-limp-dinna-jacket wannabes can attest to this as well...in their isolation and ill repute.

Aye, but I doubt if it's worth wondering about...my view on divorce comes from personal experience being both child and parent at various points in time. I too will not elaborate further, being a tad too personal for blog fodder.

I have discovereds recently that going to the dentist for a new hole in one's head isn't all that bad...but the trouble with Lidocaine is that you can't tell if you're drooling or not afterwards.

Spin that politicaly anyway you care to...(chuckle).

Oystercracker

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United States

December 15, 2010

O.C. in the U.S.A. writes:

@Eric,
You're so cute when you're mad.(LOL) Okay, I'd like to call a diplomatic truce, a reset button since you and I are nearly the only Dipnote bloggers and never the twain shall meet. We've had our fun. Let's get back to the more serious business at hand, saving the world, one Dipnote blogger at a time. Are you game?

Eric

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New Mexico, USA

December 15, 2010

Eric in New Mexico writes:

OC, Our "conversations" remind me of a 50th year wedding aniv. invitation my mom got from some old friends which read thusly..."50 years happily married. We've had only one argument in all that time, and it is still going on."