Feel free to laugh with me

Who decided that when you turn 18 you’re an “adult”? they are wrong.

Was there a meeting where someone was like, “Uh, yeah, I mean 18 is a pretty solid age to be on your own. Don’t let them drink legally, but everything else is cool.”

Then everyone else just agreed and that was that?

No one spoke up and said, “Ya know, I really think there should be more qualifications. Shouldn’t they be able to know how to do their taxes or start a 401k?”

Actual picture of what an adult is not.

Maybe there should be a test to become an adult instead of an age requirement. Like you have to know how to properly load a dishwasher, fold towels, shovel snow, change a tire, write a check, make dinner without calling your mom, do your own taxes, make your own doctors appointment, and like at least 10 other qualifications.

I’m pretty sure I would have failed it and then I wouldn’t be so stressed all the time because I would know that I’m not cut out to do adult things. I know many people who would approve of this method of determining adultness.

Do not tell me we were supposed to learn these things in school because I absolutely never even heard of these things in school unless I was eaves dropping on a real adult.

My true feelings about adulthood.

For Christmas my mom got me a shirt that says “Adult-ish”, and I feel like that really describes every aspect of my life at this point.

Things that I’m not good at as an adult:

Taxes – You can attempt to explain taxes to me all day, and at the end of that day I will proceed to thank The Good Lord Above that he blessed me with an accountant as a mom. Then I will send her all the information I think could be relevant to taxes and breath easier.

Insurance – I understand none of it. On the phone getting car insurance when they give me options I say, “Well what do you think is best?” I don’t think that’s the right thing to do, but I literally have no idea. I just give all the power to this random person on the phone.

Checking my mail – I constantly forget that something important could be in my mailbox. Sometimes the mailperson passive aggressively leaves my mailbox open or squishes everything in there. I like to think of it more as a friendly gesture that they cannot possibly fit anything else in there.

Looking at my mail – To follow that, even once I check my mail it often just sits on the couch table until I have to look for something important that was supposedly sent to me a month ago. Then I aggressively open each piece of mail in search of this very important bill that was due. Side story: The first month our mortgage was due I completely forgot. I set up automatic payments for literally everything, so I just assumed the mortgage would come out. We happened to be traveling to Florida when I remembered that’s not how that works. I hurriedly called my roommate who was thankfully home and asked him to search the mail for our mortgage statement. Thankfully he found it and we were able to pay within the grace period, but goodness. What if we didn’t have a roommate? I didn’t even know who our mortgage was through to call or anything.

Checking the weather/watching the news – This is a thing adults do, right? There could be a killer on the loose in my neighborhood, and unless my mom called me to tell me (which she would because she’s a real adult) I would happily sit on my deck while Leia plays in the yard and never be the wiser. Additionally, I am never dressed correctly for the weather. Yes, I know I can easily check that on my phone. That’s not the point. I never do. I literally look outside and then get dressed in hopes that it’s at least somewhat appropriate.

Household chores – I touched on this in my other post, however, I am seriously terrible at it. I have a chores list on my refrigerator that I have never once followed, but I refuse to throw it away because I’m sure one day I will follow it (just laughed out loud at myself). I actually pay someone to clean my house, no shame. I started a load of laundry on Sunday and I just put it in the dryer. It smelled fine. Don’t you worry. I did do dishes like four times this week though, which is terribly impressive of me.

Dealing with jerks – Girl, lemme tell you, I was not blessed with being able to keep my mouth shut. Random people on the street, okay, fine, but anyone I have any kind of relationship with is a no go. So last week I got fired for being a smart mouth. It’s true. I’m not proud, but I’m also not the least bit upset about it because my mama taught me to stick up for myself. This was a necessary part of my life, but no one prepared me for the emotion of loss it comes with. (Thankfully I have a therapist for that.)

Saving money – Dad, do not lecture me when you see this! I’m serious. I still love you tho. We have savings; we really do. We do not have the savings account that we should have. We are the king and queen of buying things we think we need and eating out. It’s terrible. I know it’s terrible. I also have a nicely thought out budget hanging on my refrigerator that was followed for exactly one month. I need someone to come slap my hand every time I say I need something.

Going to bed at a decent hour – Last night I stayed up until 2am watching videos on YouTube. I started with Miranda Sings and ended up watching videos about how transgender people came out to their significant others. It was super interesting, but not what I should be doing at 2am. Mostly because of this next thing, but also because I’m supposed to be on some kind of “sleep schedule”. Pssh.

Waking up at a decent hour – I can’t with this one. I swear I’ve tried everything, but if you want me out of bed before noon you better be dragging me by the hair and yelling at me that the British are coming. I got one of those spiffy apps that “makes” you get up and take a picture of something, so I turned my phone off. I’ve tried putting my phone across the room, so I get up, turn it off, and go back to bed. I can’t do it, and you can’t make me.

See? DO YOU SEE THIS? I am such a bad adult y’all. I would never have passed an adult test. I call my mom for literally everything. If mom doesn’t know then the call carries over to dad, grandma, and my father-in-law. If none of them know then we are all screwed and there is no answer.

Every single aspect of laundry is so daunting. Yes, I realize we have come a long way in this world by not having to wash by hand, however, the process of separating your clothes, loading them into the washer, waiting patiently while completing another task, moving your clothes to the dryer, waiting even more patiently, (or completely forgetting about them until you cannot seem to find your favorite shirt anywhere), then, the ever so dreaded, folding of the clothes, followed by the even more dreaded, putting away the clothes. I just can’t get on board with this process.

Bathing

Yes, I know I have to bathe. I realize this can be a very enjoyable thing, however, there are times where I just don’t want to take the 10-30 minutes out of my day to do this simple task. Particularly at night when I have to shower because I can’t go to bed with makeup on. I always do it (definitely don’t always shave), but I do always shower and wash my bod.

Dishes

Weirdly enough, I do not mind doing the dishes. I don’t really mind hand washing them, and I certainly don’t mind loading the dishwasher. I hate, double, hate, LOATHE unloading the dishwasher or putting away the clean dishes. It is just such a waste of time in my mind. I love how clean my kitchen looks when they are put away, but it is generally a task I put off on someone else.

Cleaning

Another task that I just don’t enjoy in the slightest. I will wipe down my counters, I will organize the mess that accumulates on the table right by the door, I will clean up after our zoo, and I will even sweep on occasion. Do not expect to find me dancing around with a duster at any point in the day, or putting away laundry before I have three clean loads on the floor and I don’t have anything to wear. These are not enjoyable things to me, and frankly, I consider them a waste of time. Necessary, but still a waste of time.

Getting gas

If you have been in my life for a while then you are aware that I very often wait until my choices are break down or get gas. If you happen to be in the car with me while I have to ponder this decision then I will offer up everything I own in order to convince you to pump my gas. Part of this stems from my slight fear of other people’s germs on public objects. I just can’t even think about the things that have touched that gas pump. Plus my mom scared me at a young age about how someone could jump in your car and steal it or steal your things or hide and kill you. There are just so many things that could go wrong when pumping gas, because of that it takes a lot of courage for me to pump my gas instead of being stranded. #createjobs #gaspumpersneeded

Cooking dinner

I should cook dinner way more often than I do. I should do a lot of things way more often than I do, but that’s not the point. Cooking dinner sends me into a spiral of what comes next. Generally I start to cook, then I start to smell what I’m cooking. I call, “Dinner is ready!” just like my mom does. I make plates for everyone (even though I live with two grown men), and then we all sit down to eat. The food is almost never as good as I want it to be. After dinner comes dirty dishes, refer to number 3. I don’t necessarily mind this chore, but once the dishes are done they have to be put away. If I cook dinner the next night then the SAME exact thing has to happen. It’s all so repetitive. I generally opt for eating out, but since I’m trying to be healthy that’s really not the best decision usually.

Organizing

I actually enjoy organizing, most of the time. This doesn’t mean that I don’t think it’s a waste of time. Almost everything in my house has a specific place it could go. Do these things get put in their place? Absolutely not. Anything that is in my hand when I walk in the door gets placed directly on the couch table until there is a pile so high that it is falling over. At some point in my life I decide this is ridiculous and I begin to sort through this pile. I generally find all kinds of fun things.

Making the bed

Let’s be honest, I don’t actually ever do this. I see no sense in going through the trouble of pulling the covers up, placing the pillows in their correct spot, and adding the adorable throw pillows I own. Instead the bed often looks like I sat in the middle and turned in circles until the blankets were completely twisted up and the throw pillows reside on the floor somewhere that I often trip over.

It is very possible that you disagree with me on a number of these things. I am okay with that.

I also do not intend this post to be ungrateful for the fact that I live such a life of luxury to have the opportunity to even hate these things.

It’s 2017! The start of a new year, the start of a new beginning for some, or just another year for others.

For me personally, I want to make this year great! I have big plans for my mental and physical health, I have big plans for my blog, and I have big plans for my future.

Starting next week I am going to be posting at least once a week.

Say what??

Yeah, I plan to kick this blog off this year.

I also plan to start eating healthy and making healthy choices. I am doing this for me. I want to love myself so much; I want to treat my body with more respect that I have been.

Recently I’ve been thinking so much about my future littles. I still have a few more years until I want to raise a child; however, when that time comes I want to be the best house for that little blessing. This makes me want to start now!

Let me be honest though, my intention was to start this January 2nd (the first I was making the drive from Florida to Maryland). I bought myself a planner, wrote my day in my planner, set my alarm for 8am, and I promptly turned this alarm off at 8am. I did not work out that day. I did not eat healthy that day. I don’t even know that I did anything productive that day.

I tried again the next day, and the next day, and the next day. Here we are on January 9th and I have yet to work out. I’ve eaten out every single day, and I have not done one thing that I wanted to accomplish.

I’m not going to let this stop me this time. I will continue to convince myself this is going to happen until it does.

One thing that has helped me so far is the fact that I got a planner and have really been writing down what I want to do with my days. Another thing that has helped me is watching vlogs by people who are committed to a healthy lifestyle and committed to loving their bodies.

I know I won’t accomplish all of these things in a day, but I am going to keep working towards this. I will continue to write about my progress in hopes that I will remember I am also accountable to you this year.

One more thing,

For Christmas my dad got me a Cricut, so I am also going to make time to be creative. I will be showing off my creations in different blog posts as well as offering some of them for sale.

We all know that great Sex and the City quote, “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.”

Well I certainly found my soulmate in a classmate at eight years old.

This girl has been my rock and my hard place. She has been through absolutely everything with me, and I couldn’t be more grateful for such a wonderful friendship. She also sometimes smells really funny and says really weird things, but I forgive her for that.

Our story started around third grade. I don’t remember a lot of the details, mostly because I don’t remember life before I was blessed with the most wonderful friend in the world. I can tell you that from the beginning we were pretty inseparable. Our friendship hasn’t changed much since those elementary school days. We still stay up way too late, come up with bizarre ideas (that we usually follow through with), and laugh until our stomachs hurt and we are crying or peeing our pants.

I can’t explain our friendship. I couldn’t tell you what we laugh about every second that we’re together. I can’t tell you why I know when something is wrong with her no matter how far away we are. We get weird looks and accused of being drunk pretty often, but really we’re just enjoying every second we get to spend together.

Life has taken us through so many different things, from crazy adventures in high school, to me moving to California, and there have certainly been a few bumps in our road. Somehow, we always come right back to each other no matter what happens.

There is no other person that I think of when I see something hilarious on the Internet, and you best believe if you’ve posted something weird on Facebook we have screenshot it, sent it, and made fun of you.

She’s my best friend. She’s my person. She gets me on a level that I didn’t know existed. We’re weird and fun and crazy.

Happiest of birthdays to my lifelong friend. My life wouldn’t be the same without you.

Don’t expect me to say anything nice about you for at least another year.

I do not do bugs. Not little ones, big ones, hairy ones, bald ones, none of them. Sitting on the couch I see a large long bug in the corner of my living room. Immediately I announce that someone must do something about this. Asa: Nope. I don’t think I can deal with this situation at all. Cory: (From the bathroom) I’M BUSY! I get as close as I dare and see that this is no normal bug. This bug has an ungodly amount of legs. Asa: *talking to Google* What bug has too many legs to be a real bug? Google: A centipede, a house centipede Asa: *shows me house centipede* It’s this one, isn’t it? Me: Yup. It looks worse up close. OMG. It’s moving. Nope. Get that thing. Cory: *emerges from the bathroom* Oh yeah, one of those crawled up the drain the other day. I tried to kill it, but I just injured it. Asa: It’s back for revenge dude! Practically a lifetime passes as we contemplate what we are going to do about this monstrosity in our house. Cory: We’re probably just going to have to burn down the house. Me: I mean, that’s the only solution I can think of. Asa: If I squish it on the wall it will leave a mark. Cory: Get a cup and a piece of paper and trap it! *proceeds with said plan*Cory traps the angry ten thousand legged creature in a cup and proceeds to CARRY IT AROUND THE HOUSE AND LOOK AT IT! Me: GET RID OF THAT THING! Asa: What’s it going to do? Crawl out of the cup? Me: YES. OMG DO SOMETHING WITH IT. Either Cory or Asa (sometimes I can’t tell who’s smart mouth is whose): It’s probably going to fire up its jetpack and fly out.

At this point I’m just trying to get anywhere that is not close to this thing until they decide that the rational thing to do is get rid of it by any means necessary.

Finally Asa flushed it down the toilet. Not before both of them had their chance to taunt me and pretend this terrifying creature was going to attack me and take away the short life that I’ve lived.

The most exciting of these things is that we bought a house! We decided to stay put for the next few years, so it seemed reasonable to pay monthly towards our mortgage instead of monthly rent.

House buying is quite the event in itself. Every time a new house was on the market that looked remotely like what we wanted we would drop our plans and go look at it.

The amount of homes we viewed was crazy, and the amount of homes we hated was equally as crazy.

We finally found our dream home and I knew that the moment I stepped foot inside of it.

Our new home certainly has its flaws, but as a whole I am madly in love with our cute house on a hill.

Let’s go back to where we left off.

Obviously I was homesick (that’s why I wrote about home), so I decided to go home and visit my favorite people in the world. The visit was lovely, as always. I visited everyone that I could, I ate too much, laughed enough to count as an ab workout, and cried quietly in the airport when I left.

So I came back to my bittersweet homecoming with snuggles from my cute husband and my small farm, barely unpacked, got a decent night sleep, worked the next day, and ended up in the hospital that night.

Lucky me, I got a kidney infection! Yay!

Those things are the bane of my existence.

Spent the weekend being catered to with heparin shots to the belly, loud alarms when fluids ran out, 2am blood pressure checks, and three meals a day brought to me in bed. It was glorious.

I prayed that I would be out by Tuesday so that we could sign for our house a day early since my co-star had an eye surgery planned for Wednesday!

My prayers were answered, and as exhausted and still slightly in pain as I was the hospital agreed to release me Monday night.

Tuesday was the day we got our home!! We did a final walk through, we signed the papers, we dotted our I’s and crossed our T’s and became home owners.

Wednesday I drove my sweet man to make his eyes new and able to see.

Thursday and Friday were filled with packing and stressing.

Saturday some of our closest family members came to lend a helping hand and break in our new home.

Sunday was officially moving day! We set off that morning with the U-haul, packed up everything large (I take no credit for this), and then unpacked everything large (Also taking no credit for this). With only minor set backs we had a pretty successful moving day.

We’ve been in our house for about 3 weeks and some things are still in boxes, we have made friends with all of our woodland creatures, I’ve almost found everything that my grandma put away, and we have Wi-Fi.

I strategically planned a housewarming party so that I have no choice but to have my house in order soon.

I was blessed enough to receive a born-in sidekick. At four years old I did not count it as a blessing at all.

I wanted a little sister. I wanted someone I could dress up and play dolls with, but mostly someone to boss around.

I got this, but in the form of a 10 pound little brother.

This is was not what I had planned.

Before he was born I got to use his bookshelf as a two-story Barbie house, I didn’t have a lot of rules about when I had to be quiet, and I got all of the attention all of the time before this little creature came along.

That year for Christmas my Papa built me an awesome two-story Barbie house complete with furniture, so that sort of made up for the whole bookshelf thing.

I’m not even sure we know what’s going on here.

Through the years I really learned to appreciate this kid though. Sure we fought, I often made him scream on purpose, I really enjoyed pulling his hair, and it drove me insane when he made weird noises, but at some point all of this grew on me.

Now this kid is one of my very best friends.

If you’ve been around me for any time at all you have heard me brag on him about what and amazing young man God has made him.

Notice that everyone else seems very confused.

He makes straight A’s, he accomplishes anything he puts his mind to, he is a friend to everyone, he is quite handsome, he’s a hard worker, he’s very honest about everything, he’s absolutely hilarious, and he has a super cool sister.

He continues to astonish me with his kind heart and wisdom that can’t have come from anywhere but the blessing of God.

We know how to have the most amount of fun, we know how to laugh the hardest (usually no one else even knows why we’re laughing, including mom), and we know to be there for each other through everything.

This wonderful blessing turns 17 today. I almost can’t believe it.

I love you kid. Keep your head up and continue standing up for what you believe in.

If you didn’t go to elementary school or middle school together then you met in high school.

Either my mom did your taxes or you knew my dad somehow.

My sophomore year someone got maced in the hallway causing us to stay extra time in first period so the smell could clear.

My junior year someone called in several bomb threats because they forgot to do their homework

My senior year I decided to only go to college classes

A few memorable things happened to me in my hometown.

I will start with the time someone escaped from jail while I was in elementary school. Turns out he had actually tricked my great aunt into thinking he was a trustee.

Then there was the time I fell in love for the first time. This is a long and complicated story that I don’t wish to relive, but at the time I knew that was my forever. I was terribly wrong. I let myself suffer through almost two years of a very unhealthy relationship at a very young age. That relationship shaped most of my teenage years. I allowed someone to consume me at the young age of twelve. I allowed someone to be my entire life when I barely knew what life was.

This is what happened in my hometown though. This was not abnormal. I wasn’t the only one madly in love at my age. I wasn’t the only one who was sure that my entire life would revolve around this person forever.

I also experienced my very first real heartbreak in my hometown. At the time I was sure it was the hardest thing I would ever experience. I was wrong. There are things in life much harder, but this is honestly one that still sticks with me.

I fell in love twice more in this same hometown.

I got my heart broken a few more times in this small town.

I got in my first, second, and third fight, in my hometown. A real throw down fight. My mom was so angry.

I received the most love, criticism, and hate in my hometown.

I learned so much and so little about life in my hometown.

My family, friends, and childhood still live in my hometown.

This is the place that made me, and I would not change that for the world.

I made my very first best friend in my hometown. She is an absolutely amazing human being who supports me through every adventure life throws at me. She has been by my side since third grade. I intend to write an entire post about her soon.

I made my first completely fake friend in my hometown. She taught me that there are people in the world who only want to use you. It’s hard to find out that not every person you meet wants to be your friend.

I had my first pet in my hometown. He was a beautiful german shepard who was stolen by a heartless lady who assumed since he jumped the fence (because he was scared) that we didn’t take good care of him.

I had my favorite job in my hometown. I worked with some of the best, most dramatic, and rude people I’ve ever worked with. We were a family. I have never felt that at another job.

I find humor in missing all this.

I grew up dreaming of leaving this place. Dreaming of doing something bigger and better, but I find myself missing every single one of these things regularly.

This is the lady who blessed this world with yours truly. This is the lady who put up with every shenanigan I got into as a child and teenager. This is the lady I talk to every single day for at least an hour, and I could never explain to you what we talk about.

The cool thing about my mom is that as an adult she is now my very best friend. Any time anything happens, from buying a pair of pants at the thrift store for $2 to making huge life decisions, this lady is my first call.

There is never a dull moment when the two of us are around. We very often laugh until we cry. We share a wonderful sense of humor and bond that I believe only mother and child can share.

Remember when I had to learn how to laugh? This lady was a huge help in that. Whenever I felt down she would crank up the Coyote Ugly soundtrack, Kelly Clarkson, or SheDaisy and we would sing at the top of our lungs until I forgot what was wrong.

This beautiful human being also taught me about faith, love, and understanding. She showed me how to be strong by tackling life’s obstacles head on.

I’m really glad she’s gotten smarter, because when I was younger she truly knew nothing. She was always trying to give me advice, that I never listened to, or share her experiences, that I think she probably made up. As I’ve gotten older she’s gotten a million times smarter. I think she finally knows what’s she’s talk about nowadays.

I love you mommybear. ❤❤

To all the wonderful mom’s out there, keep it up. One day I will know how hard it is.

Why in the world are cultural norms a thing? I seriously do not understand at all. If I don’t feel like shaving my legs I should still feel comfortable wearing shorts. If my toes aren’t painted then I should still feel comfortable wearing flip-flops.

It is appropriate to wear capri’s without shaving, right?

I don’t, and I hate it. Probably more than I hate shaving my legs and painting my nails combined.

Oh my gosh, does that mean I’m not a girl?!

No, not at all. If someone says they enjoy shaving then they have never actually shaved.

Hair is natural. I don’t care if you shave, so stop caring if I do.

I do love to wear makeup. I absolutely love sculpting my face to how I want it to look. I think males should be able to do that without judgment too though. If you want your highlight on fleek then ROCK IT.

I don’t think I’ll ever understand cultural norms…

Who decided I had to shave my legs, but my co-star has to shave his face?

Who decided I get to put on makeup and look fancy, but my brother can’t fix his face up?

Why can I not have a friend who is a male without someone somewhere assuming I am doing something terribly wrong?

Honestly if anyone can give me a good solid reason for all of these things I promise to shave my legs every other day, to keep my toenails painted, and to never have a male friend again.

I guess what I’m really getting at is just do what makes you happy. Seriously. If wearing a dress makes you happy then you go out and find that perfect dress and flaunt it!

All natural, except for the clothes.

Guess what makes me happy? Having to do the least amount of work possible unless I want to.