Puppies are great, aren’t they? They’re like dogs but smaller and further away from death. They’re little bundles of wet-nosed optimism that are an absolute joy to be around.

That is until they slobber all over your newspaper. And chew your beloved slippers to pieces. And why – dear lord, why – must they bring us a dead rabbit every time we take them for a walk? “Ruff, ruff, here it is, dad, I’ve brought you a lovely present. Yeah, sorry his head’s hanging off, that just kinda happened. Ruff, ruff.”