Thanks Twitter But I Don’t Want To Be Followed By Lydia Lancaster (ditzybabe83454)

My daughter and I attended the matinee of “Trust” at the Lookingglass Theatre yesterday. This imaginatively-presented new play centers around an internet sexual predator and a freshman at New Trier High School. We found it well-acted and decidedly well-intentioned, although that led to a few ham-fisted moments in the writing. Still, this tale of the real dangers inherent to easy iPhone and laptop access is enough to make any parent yearn for more Luddite times.

So the topic of inappropriate web contact was already fresh in my mind when I received not just one but two consecutive notices from women I don’t know who nonetheless feel comfortable introducing themselves while topless. Apparently these aggressively body-confident gals feel compelled to follow both my agency and personal Twitter feeds.

While it would feed my ego to pretend our Tweets provide the kind of entertaining and rewarding commentary that works like a bug light on nymphomaniacs, the truth is I fit a profile: middle aged professional male. And so my inbox gets bombarded with pitches for every baldness, weight control and erectile dysfunction remedy imaginable. These are the methods taken by some of the less savory corners of my chosen profession.

Spam goes everywhere–I get that. And yes, I’m painfully aware of Internet Rule 34 (“If it exists, there is porn of it”). It just bums me out that everything, everywhere merits a Parental Advisory sticker. We were just looking to play in the social network, not ‘play’ wink-wink, nudge-nudge.