Belated Pregnancy Beats None At All

February 19, 1991|By Ann Landers.

Dear Ann Landers: This is for ``Nearly 48 and Loving It,`` who wasn`t thrilled with recent scientific efforts to help menopausal women get pregnant. She was obviously able to conceive and carry to term a baby while in her 20s or 30s. Many of us aren`t so lucky.

After two years of infertility tests, painful procedures and a lot of anxiety, my husband and I finally conceived. We were thrilled. Halfway through the pregnancy I ended up in the hospital, lying on my left side, trying desperately to keep the baby inside me until she could survive on her own. I stayed on my side for 13 stress-filled weeks.

Twelve days before the due date, the umbilical cord tore. Our daughter was born soon after-dead. I cannot describe the disappointment and heartache. These terrible losses happen more often than we know. One out of every 100 babies is stillborn, often to women like me, in apparent good health, who do not drink, smoke or take drugs. Scientists who are working to expand the possibilities for couples who suffer infertility problems should be encouraged and applauded. I urge ``Nearly 48`` and everyone else to be sensitive to those of us who are not so lucky. Sincerely . . .

Nancy H., Philadelphia

Dear Nancy: I received hundreds of letters that echoed your sentiments. How sad that so many women who don`t want babies get pregnant and an equal number who would give anything to have a child are unable to conceive. Another example that life is unfair.

Dear Ann Landers: I would appreciate your opinion on a situation that is causing some trouble in our family.

Our son lives with us and is now 26. He has, for the last two or three years, been bringing his current girlfriends home to spend the night with him. My husband and I always have been of the mind that Chuck is an adult and we should not get into his personal life. We have noticed, however, that he has no interest in marrying any of these young women.

A few weeks ago, after he brought home a girl who appeared to be about 18, I mentioned to Chuck that this girl looked awfully young and I wondered what her mother thought about her spending the night away from home. He appeared offended and told me to ``clean up my mind.`` What followed was a 10- minute recitation that made it clear there was no sex involved, they were just talking over the problems she was having at work.

In all fairness, I should tell you that Chuck pays room and board and we could not make it without his help. What should be done?

Wondering in Fresno

Dear Fresno: Chuck does not show the proper respect for you and your husband when he brings females home for the night. Furthermore, I cannot imagine a decent woman agreeing to such an arrangement.

As for his most recent bedmate, I hope you will tell him to do his counseling over lunch or supper, or in her home, and not in his bedroom.

Gem of the Day (Credit Fred Babcock, Pittsburgh): If you are bent on succeeding, you must be a risk-taker. Don`t be afraid to go out on a limb, because that`s where the fruit is.

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