Recognition

HOORAY, YOU CAME!

Monday, September 28, 2009

I came into work on Saturday feeling like I was preeeettttty much ready to die. I was working for the 6th day in a row and it was my 60th hour of work that week. I felt like I needed a real rest.I phoned this place asking desperately if I could be seen that day and they amazingly fit me in for BOTH a massage and a facial. As if I even had the money available for that but I might have been a little bit delirious at that point. Either way. Maybe it was the fact that I was beyond stressed. Maybe it was the instant zen-like space they provided. Maybe the staff have magic hands. I don't know. Whatever the reason - it was the best massage and facial I have EVER had x 100. It wasn't just the quality of the services either - it was the details too. Relaxing in the jacuzzi tub beforehand. The massage room lighting and sensory explosion of smell and sound. They put a towel over my eyes just to make things extra comfortable. The fact that after my massage was done, the masseuse let me know that I could just relax there until the lady came to provide me with the facial which meant uninterrupted bliss for 2 entire hours. Anyway, I am obviously still feeling pretty excellent and this all happened 2 days ago. How can such a simple thing make me feel so good? There are several random things I just want to declare as being important to me (and good for my overall well-being). 1. Taking time for mental relaxation (ie. yoga, massage, bike ride on nice day, walking by water, etc.)2. Health and fitness3. Constant learning (in a classroom setting and of a specific topic)

Possibly the most random post ever...?? On the note of constant learning - I am continuing my Portuguese classes this week and I am pumped about it. So happy that I am preparing myself and trying to take on my biggest worry with moving. I have this dream in my head of the relationships I'm going to develop with Ro's family... I don't know if they might be a little bit wishful but whenever I fantasize (yes, I often make up fantasy situations in my head that can get pretty specific and lengthy) I come up with some pretty clear images of how I hope things are.

Please prepare yourself for a total stream of consciousness here: I have images of me feeling 100% comfortable in the house, getting ready to go somewhere(??), calling his mom "mae" (literally calling for her through the house), also, calling for his sister through the house (for some reason I feel like this calling for people through the house denotes a level of total comfortability?), working out with his sister, trading music with her, I picture her listening to my ipod and hearing the music I have on there and she likes it. Somehow I have more expectations of connecting with De than his mom. Maybe this is normal but I've never been in a relationship where my partner has a sister (aside from last one but I only met her twice). It's an area that I feel like I need to be strong - to have a sister close to me. I will really really miss my sister when I am away and somehow, really badly, hope that I can have that sisterly relationship with her to ease the pain of missing my own sister.Now I'm a little teary so I'm going to stop writing...

Monday, September 21, 2009

Well, Monday... it's you and me again. I can't say I really like you all that much as you take away my two favourite days, Saturday and Sunday. But it is what it is...

I feel like I was able to tap in a little closer to my husband this weekend (not that it's difficult - he's incredibly easy to talk to).

Sometimes alcohol helps you open up and express those nagging feelings... for me especially because I tend to overanalyze things to the most granular detail. Alcohol just helps these thoughts flow a little free-er....

I am learning that marriage brings about this completely different level of communication and understanding and acceptance. I learned this weekend that he has a clear cut impression of what our communication style should be like - totally honest, totally open, and able to talk about everything, even the awkward stuff (or maybe especially the awkward stuff??) ;) Everybody wants that - but can everybody put aside their own self awareness to actually implement this? Especially when it means you need to be able to accept this level of brute honesty, which I know could easily be misinterpreted as criticsm.I think it's beautiful. What an amazing concept - that you can be your complete true self with your partner and not feel judged. That you have these insecure, seemingly idiotic feelings and tendencies, and it's ok. Your partner tells you you're allowed to have them and even better, tells you they want to hear about them (and actually means that). This is a totally rare form of existence in my experience. It sure does help me get my fears off my chest though... and I truly appreciate and need that in my partner!

On another note, why is the paperwork for Brazilians to become landed immigrants to Canada SO UNBELIEVELY IMPOSSIBLE?? Wow... it's like, another level of impossible. We are expected to provide pretty intimate details of our wedding, who attended, what it was like, where it was... we even need to talk about who proposed, how they did it, where, why, what etc. It's like they want to see pictures of us consumating just to prove that we're legit. Haha, I think we should actually do that - throw in a couple of X-rated photographs JUST IN CASE... just to cover all angles. haha...

Anyway, feeling pretty happy right now! Lots of things to do before we go but we are also pretty booked up for the next couple months which will make the time go by so fast I'm sure... so many mixed emotions! Ahh!!!

One more thing I feel happy about - that amongst all of this madness, in my head and otherwise, I feel completely totally safe, like nothing bad is going to happen. :)

Friday, September 18, 2009

Inspired by her I am writing myself an optimist post. I think I really need it right now considering I am feeling pretty bothered by a particular ex girlfriend who just doesn't seem to ever go away.

SO. Things I am thankful for (in no particular order):

1. The amazing trip I am about to embark on2. A totally amazing, supportive, NICE man who I can luckily call my husband!3. Being able to save a lot of money now so we can have a (hopefully) nice life over the next year4. My health and fitness level5. I can now wear a bikini and not feel disgusting!6. My brain7. Chocolate milk in all its variations8. My all loving family9. My grown ability to make decisions10. The speed at which I spell, haha**EDIT**11. My beloved bicycle! It gets me around this entire city and does so much good for my body and the environment... I will miss my bicycle A LOT!

Now it's just getting ridiculous... I still can't quite get my mind off this dumbness! Any way... I am going to try to find a way to put a countdown on this page to countdown until I leave... Will report back when said countdown-er is found!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Yup... today was the official day... what it actually means is that in no more than 3 months, I will be in Brazil. It's difficult to determine exactly when we can go... at the consolate they explained that if they were to take a guess (yes, please come on and just GUESS) they would say it takes around 2 months for a permanent visa to arrive. The date we're aiming for is December 4 but who knows what will happen.

I wish I could fast forward one year and be looking back on all of this laughing at my unneccessary fears of language barrier, sharing a house, not making friends etc. I should stop worrying about all of these unknowns... it's just difficult to rid myself of expectations.

Up until the go point I suppose there isn't much to report other than my constant fluxuations of anxiety. Today is good day, I'm feeling eager, excited, hopeful.

Other days are stressful.

The fears I have really revolve around what will be my new lack of control over my life. Not to say I will lose control, but it's hard to maintain your power when you can barely communicate.

Anyway, for now I'm to ignore these nagging 'preocupas' and remain happy and excited!!