The newly-opened Bottoms Up Brewery unveiled its inaugural craft beer Thursday afternoon with a public tasting in the brewery courtyard. (photo courtesy of Poppy Bottoms)

“Island visitors want local products, and this is about as local as it gets,” Bottoms Up Brewery brew master Poppy Bottoms said. “It’s Granddaddy’s recipe, the stuff he cooked up back when you couldn’t get beer here. We’re calling it Slap Ya Bottom Ale.

Bottoms Up Brewery staff were tight-lipped about the ale’s brewing process.

“All I can say is it’s a bottom-fermented spring ale made from coconut meat. And husks,” Bottoms Brewery president Peachy Bottoms said. “There’s no grain to speak of on Blacktip, so we didn’t have much choice there. As for the hops . . . Sure, let’s call them hops.”

“It has a peaty, almost fishy nose, and there’s a real wang to that first sip,” Eagle Ray Cove guest Jenny Porgy said. “There’s a salty aftertaste, too, that’s perfect after a morning of diving. Or a night of drinking.”

Locals were positive as well.

“It tastes like being a kid,” James Conlee said. “The grown ups’d drink coconut hooch. Us little uns would drink this. Healthier than island water, you know. Got to get used to the taste, but once you’re hooked, you can’t get enough.”

Public health officials remained skeptical.

“We asked Peachy and them to hold off on releasing this stuff to the public until we could make sure it’s safe,” public health chief Herring Frye said. “We have no idea what’s in it or what, exactly, the production process is. All we know is its alcohol content’s up in the double digits. When we can get a steady reading.”

Island business leaders downplayed those concerns.

“Poppy and Peachy’re bringing jobs and income and tourists to Blacktip. Where’s the down side to that?” island chamber of commerce president Whitey Bottoms said. “And there’s no proof those three cases of temporary blindness are related to their beer.”

Brewery executives hope to expand their offerings in the near future.

“If Slap Ya Bottom proves popular, we’ll branch out with a Black Bottom stout and a Booby Pond hefeweizen. Well, sort of a hefeweizen,” Poppy Bottoms said. “They’ll all be available in bottles, cans and old pickle jar growlers. Tourists love that.”

The Blacktip Island Community Players will stage their annual spring play this Saturday and Sunday underwater near the Sand Spit bar to raise money for island charities.

“Reef of Dreams is a tropical re-imagining of Field of Dreams,” director Doris Blenny said. “Lee Helm got a wild hair up his butt and rewrote the screenplay at the bar one night. We were dubious at first, but Lee was adamant.

“‘When the primal forces of nature tell you to do something, you do it,’ is how he put it,” Blenny said. “Lee’s take is a dive resort owner hears a voice and builds an underwater dive shop, hoping Émile Gagnan will pay him a visit.”

Actors will perform offshore at Sand Spit Reef using full-face masks and hydrophones.

“It’s set on a reef, and we had to have some way to speak our lines,” BICP member Alison Diesel said. “We schmoozed the manufacturer to donate the masks. They really add to the dramatic feel. ‘Ever hold a wet wetsuit to your face?’ just doesn’t have the same punch on the surface.

“The underwater speakers give a way-eerier feel to The Voice, too,” Diesel said. “The first time Elena whispered ‘Oui, he will come,’ it totally freaked us out.”

The play’s cast includes:

Lee Helm as Ray Kinsella

Alison Diesel as Annie Kinsella

Hugh Calloway as Jacques Cousteau

Finn Kiick as Émile Gagnan

Gage Hoase as Sir John Haldane

Elena Havens as The Voice

Helm stressed the BICP have gone to great lengths to keep the performance from seeming derivative.

“It captures the film’s spirit without copying its trappings,” he said. “It’s set on a reef, not in a cornfield. There’s no crops of any kind. Or ball-related sports. And in the end, it turns out the voice was talking about Sir John Haldane all along.

“There’s minimal props, so a lot of it’s open to interpretation,” Helm said. “All the acting’s in mid-water, too, so the stage doesn’t get all silted. And we recruited about 40 resort guests as extras to make a long line of dive lights at the end, all coming to the underwatershop.”

The performance will be transmitted to the Sand Spit and the Heritage House, where non-scuba divers can view the show for an additional fee.

“We’ll have five different camera angles, so no one misses any of the action,” Blenny said. “You can really see the tension build on all the actors’ faces when it looks like Ray will lose his resort.

“The show stopper’s when Gage asks, ‘is this heaven?’ and Lee says, ‘no, it’s Blacktip Island,’” she said. “In rehearsals, it brought the house down. Several performers nearly drowned.”

Proceeds from the performances will go to Blacktip Island Habitat for Humanity.

Utility workers quickly restored a key Blacktip Island power pole damaged by Dermott Bottoms, who rammed into the pole less than a minute after having his drivers license re-instated. (photo courtesy of W. Carter)

Blacktip Island resident Dermott Bottoms Wednesday set a new record for shortest-held drivers license after losing his driving privileges less than a minute after having them re-instated, island officials said.

“Dermott walked out of the government office with his new license, got in his car and backed straight into a power pole,” public works director Stoney MacAdam said. “We didn’t have a timer going or anything, but judging by the time stamp on the computer, it was right at 37 seconds between getting the license and hitting the pole. The plastic license was still warm.

“Technically it took 42 minutes for Rafe Marquette to get there and officially seize the license,” MacAdam said. “Dermott beat James Conlee, the former record holder, by a good 31 hours. Either way, it’s not a record that’ll be broken anytime soon.”

Witnesses described a chaotic scene.

“Dermott was so excited not to have to bum rides anymore,” Catalina Luxfer said. “He jumped in the car, stomped on the gas and BLAM into the power pole. We all saw the look in his eyes and scattered to get out of his way. I think he was a surprised as anyone.”

Officials say the incident might have been overlooked if not for complicating factors.

“If Dermott had hit any other pole, then gone about his business, no one would have noticed,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Problem was, that particular pole was key to power to at store. And the bank. And the airfield. And internet island-wide. There were power and fiber optic lines everywhere.

“There’s the driving under the influence issue as well,” Marquette said. “Normally we could overlook that, but not this time. Dermott also became the first person on island to have his license revoked four times. He pulled off a traffic double-double.”

Bottoms contested the charges.

“I lost my touch, not driving for a year,” he said. “Needs to be a grace period to ease back into things. Not my fault my skills slipped. And folks can do without food and money and email for a little bit. Blacktippers, we’re resilient, you know.

“And I wasn’t under any influence,” he said. “Only had two shots of rum, to calm my nerves, before I got the license. Damage could’ve been worse.”

“Celebrating Dermott’s dubious achievement would only make things worse,” Marquette said. “Next thing you know people would be out trying to break the record. Hell, Dermott would try to break his own record. And would probably succeed.”

“Big rubber bands keep the regulator in your mouth, and big weight belts keep you stuck to the sand,” Havens said. “There’s such a stigma attached to napping. Dive-N-Nap lets you say ‘I’m going diving’ and spares you the embarrassment of saying you’re napping.”

Participants say the sessions are more restful than regular napping.

“You feel like you’re really part of the ocean,” Dusty Blenny said. “Turtles wedge themselves under ledges to sleep all the time, so this is kind of the same thing. Instead of swimming around the reef for 45 minutes, you can lie down and have a bit of sleep.

“You get in whatever sleep position is comfortable, then they weight you down,” Blenny said. “There’s soothing music the whole time – yesterday was Miles Davis, today it was Enya – then bang a gong at the end of the session.”

Organizers countered worries the classes are unsafe or harm the environment.

“We’ve always got two dive staff in the water,” Blacktip Haven divemaster Booger Bottoms said. “Anything goes wrong, they’re there to help, Johnny on the spot. Usually to fetch pillows.

“And it’s in the sand off Diddley’s Landing, where the barge comes in,” Bottoms said. “Nothing lives there. We learned to schedule sessions for when the barge isn’t coming in after that first incident.”

Some on the island questioned the need for the activity.

“Why pay to sleep underwater when you can just nap at home or at work?” bartender Cori Anders said. “Or on your favorite dive site? It’s something different, and I’m gld Elena’s making money with it, but I don’t see it lasting.”

Havens brushed such concerns aside.

“Dive-N-Nap has a strong social draw,” Havens said. “Most participate to be part of something bigger than themselves. And our staff monitors everyone’s air use to make sure there are no nasty surprises.”

“It’s so much more relaxing than terrestrial napping,” Havens said. “That’s desperately needed on this island. People here are far too stressed.”

Dive-N-Nap staff cautioned the activity is not without its drawbacks.

“Most people need a thicker wetsuit, since you lose body heat more quickly when you’re just laying there,” Bottoms said. “The up side’s the shivering burns calories, so it’s great for weight loss.

“Divers are welcome to just chill without falling asleep, too,” Bottoms said. “The only complaint we’ve had is Dive-N-Nap doesn’t help with a hangover. Even on nitrox.”

A burgeoning rooster population on Blacktip Island has caused community leaders to sponsor a coq au vin cooking contest this weekend as part of an effort to reduce island wild chicken numbers. (photo courtesy of Alan Schmierer)

“Our goal’s to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak,” Cobia said. “Contestants have to make coq au vin with island roosters. It’ll reduce the number of roosters and give tourists a reason to come back to Blacktip. We’re calling it the Coq Au Vin Cock Off.”

Event organizers say the event is a natural for Blacktip.

“We got the idea from the lionfish culls, where we kill the bad guys, then eat them,” Cock Off chair Clete Horn said. “It’s also a shout out to the French pirates who were some of Blacktip’s earliest settlers. Every household here has it’s own take on coq au vin.

“The only rules are you have to use a local rooster, and it has to be cooked on site the day of the contest,” Horn said. “Some are doing a classic rooster stew, some are doing a jerk chicken, and there’s one contestant going with mango and scotch bonnet peppers.”

Island residents have embraced the contest.

“I’m behind anything that gets rid of these damn roosters,” resident Ginger Bass said. “I can’t sleep with them crowing non stop, and they’re crapping on everything. Being able to eat them is karma in action. And cooking at the Heritage House, where the roosters are thickest, hopefully some of them will take the hint.”

Others were uneasy with the idea.

“Roosters are a problem, sure, but butchering, braising and consuming them is a barbaric fix, no matter how yummy,” Blacktip People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals president Harry Pickett said. “We presented a plan for corralling them in a free-range habitat at the south end of the island, complete with games and fitness trails, but the island council shut us out.”

Others were concerned about the event’s long-term impact.

“Removing that many chickens so quickly will cause the island insect population to skyrocket,” Department of Environmental Health head Rosie Blenny said. “People may may get more sleep tomorrow night, but we’ll be overrun with roaches and ants down the road. It’s a delicate balance we’re toying with here.

“There’s also the concern that the roosters being culled will be the slow, stupid ones,” Blenny said. “Long term, we’re strengthening the species. Frankly, we’re worried that may be the chickens’ long game.”

Most locals, however, are eager to taste the results.

“People’ve been testing out recipes all week, and the island smells great,” divemaster Lee Helm said. “I hope the stuff at the cook off is better, though. None of the cocoa van recipes I’ve tried so far tasted anything like chocolate.”

The winner will receive a cast-iron Dutch oven and the coveted Coq d’Or trophy.