I sat with my five year old in a doctor’s office waiting room, and as she handed me her pink, VTech camera to go play with a plastic, farm house I smiled. I looked across from me and saw a young boy around her age happily enthralled with an electronic tablet, his mother with head bent focusing on her phone. The pull to grab mine out of my purse was there. I looked back to my daughter as she returned to me, already bored with the barn, and she reached quickly for her camera. It didn’t just take pictures. It had filters, voice modulators, and tons of games too.

Just as quickly I suggested, “how about I read you a book?” Then I pointed at the books along the wall.

I smiled victoriously as she picked out one of my favorites by Dr. Seuss, but that seemed short-lived as we later left the doctor’s office. I grimaced as I watched my child blindly go forward in the parking lot, her eyes glued to an “educational” game on her kiddy device.

This. This was a struggle unique to our generation, and one that would probably only grow more difficult for future ones. I was a mom maneuvering my way through a technological age. On one hand I was blessed to have the opportunities to teach my children easier, but on the other I struggled with finding the balance for them, a balance that even adults struggled with.

A couple of months ago I had given my seven and five year olds our old cell phones. They didn’t have cell service on them, nor social media. So basically they were snazzy cameras and a way to watch videos or play games on WiFi, but still. But still, I watched them become absorbed into the devices. Even though we limited their time on them, they seemed to always be asking for them. We ended up making the phones conveniently disappear, and as I watched my daughter try and record YouTube videos with her VTech, walking unaware into traffic, I figured the same needed to happen with the pink camera. They just weren’t at a maturity level to deal with the pull technology took on their little brains. Even as a forty year old woman I had to tell myself to shut off my Facebook and put mine down at times. Just being honest.

My parents didn’t have to worry with this sort of thing! When I was five I remember being quite taken with a cassette recorder, but when given the opportunity I would have rather been in the pool. When I was around eleven or twelve I was indeed obsessed with my Nintendo, Friday the 13th game, but I also would spend sunup to sundown running through the woods. I loved me some Saturday morning cartoons, but otherwise I was mending frogs, riding the tires off my bike, and having sleepovers with my buddies where we actually talked verbally to one another instead of Snapping photos back and forth. I experienced cliques and bullying in high school, for sure, but there’s many a day I thank the Lord that social media didn’t exist when I was a teen. The level of cruelty and malevolence that can take place behind the safety of a screen is unparalleled. My parents didn’t have to deal with this, and many days I wish I didn’t either.

As a mom today you’re torn between utilizing the positive attributes of technology, or wanting to bury every single cell phone, iPad, and laptop, and go off the grid. I mean, you have to admit that a DVD player in the minivan is handy on a seven hour road trip, and for supermarket meltdowns nothing saves your sanity like a Surprise Egg video, but then you have to admit too that it’s a slippery slope not letting technology be your babysitter. Sometimes it’s easier to let your teen get on social media and socialize with her friends rather than deal with the moody brooding, but the zombie look in her eyes as her fingers swiftly move across the screen makes you wonder, can this be a good thing?!!

So here I am trying my best. I’m trying to figure out when to tell my teenage stepdaughter to put the phone away even though “all her friends are doing it,” and when to keep it out of my young daughters’ hands as much as possible. I’m fighting to not let the convenience of technology steal my parenting from me. I’m trying to be a better example by letting go of the things that keep me distracted and on my phone when they need me.

It’s not always easy to see the lines. I remember when I was a kid my friend’s mom worried we would catch AIDS from mosquitoes (an unnecessary concern). Today you have to worry about your twelve year old running off with a sexual predator she met online (a legitimate concern, even if you don’t want to admit it). My folks worried about me sneaking out my window, and I remember my dad nailing it shut. Today we search our kids’ browser history, but just like I figured out a way to get outside unknown, so do kids today. Nowadays, though, it just so happens they can get into plenty of trouble right in their own room, from their unsupervised screen time.

We are in a new realm of parenting. It’s foreign, uncharted territory, and it’s scary. Now, more than ever, we need to be praying for guidance as we lead our children through a technological world that tries to harm them. Now, more than ever, we need to be listening to the Lord’s leading for our families, and listening to our children’s silent cries for help in a world where real social interaction and active play elude them. We need to be the advocates for our children in a confusing, distracting world. We need to be the anchor that keeps them balanced in a social media world that tries to carry them away in a fictional cloud of what’s important. We need to be the compass that guides them to what really matters, like face-to-face relationships, and teaches them that kindness can still prevail in a trolling, keyboard-warrior world.

We have our work cut out for us, parents, but I believe we can do it. So sure, if you want to share this with your friends, do, but then put your phone down! Pick up a book, pull your kid into your lap, before it’s too late, and dive back in time to a world before cells phones and social media guided our existence.

Social media is a great place to connect with friends, keep up to date on community news, and meet new people. Some folks enjoy sharing pictures of their children while other people use the platform to share selfies. Lots of people gain recipes, style tips, and information about real developing news stories (if you can wade past the fake ones). Facebook in particular can be a place of inspiration and prayer networking, but it can also be an outlet for ugly emotional outbursts and too much drama.

We’re all probably guilty of speaking too quickly when posting an update, and it’s hard not to with the loaded question of “what’s on your mind,” but perhaps some forethought could benefit everyone.

1. Why? Seriously. It’s a simple question. So simple that it’s the most easily ignored.

Why am I posting this? I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’ve been pushed, so now I want to push back. Well, what purpose does that truly serve?

Will hurting someone else make me feel better? Will pointing out the faults of another suddenly make my own issues disappear?

It’s easy to react in anger and lash out vehemently, but when it comes down to it, what purpose does it serve? Ugly people are going to be ugly no matter what. Seeing that they’ve hurt you is not suddenly going to bring them to repentance. If they’re just plain mean it will probably only fuel their cruel nature to see that their actions bother you enough to tell all of your friends’ list about it.

Would I have the nerve to say this in person? It’s easy to hide behind a computer screen. If your words wouldn’t feel comfortable coming out of your mouth at a table with friends then it shouldn’t come out on a status update either.

But when it comes down to it, why is all you have to ask. Why? Is speaking hurtful things going to make your own hurt vanish? If the answer is no then perhaps it’s not worth your time.

2. Will I regret this later? I can’t count the number of times I have decided to speak out of my emotions and within moments regretted it. I’ve probably deleted a dozen Facebook posts over the past year. It’s easy to rant out of frustration, but don’t let your emotions rule you.

Do I really want to say something so vile about another person?

If you’re speaking about your child’s other parent, ask yourself if you’d want your kid to see your words. If not then it’s a safe bet that you shouldn’t post it.

Do I really mean that?

My children are a perfect example. Some days they drive me crazy, and I think some awful words in my head, but I keep them there in my mind. Why? Because I don’t mean it, and I don’t want to hurt them.

Words are more powerful than anything, and they can cut like a knife. Ask yourself if you seriously wish to forever wound someone with your words. And if the answer is yes then I would ask you to revert back to question #1, why. Why do you wish to hurt someone when it serves no purpose other than to drag yourself further down?

3. Does this truly represent me? It’s so easy to share your personal business on Facebook when you’re angry and you wish to speak loudly your frustrations over other’s mistakes. If you have been wrongfully accused it’s even easier to want to feel vindicated from the blame, but take a moment to consider how your words look to others.

Most people will immediately bristle at that last sentence, and state strongly, “I don’t care what people think!” Well, that’s good. I mean, overall you shouldn’t care, but we all know life isn’t that simple. In a way you do have to care. If you’re a Christian then you especially need to be concerned.

I can’t speak for everyone, I can only speak for me. Personally, as a Christian I realize my witness is important. My words and actions represent my position as a member of God’s family. They need to be seasoned with patience, love, and the light of Jesus.

Ouch! I miss the mark frequently on that one, but I strive for consistent improvement.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a representative of God’s kingdom, you still stand for something. Your actions reflect on your family, your job, and even your reputation as a kind, dependable human being.

Always ask yourself if the words you speak would serve as a good example of who you are overall. If not then keep them to yourself. Cool down. Spend some time in thoughtful consideration before you share every single emotional outburst that crosses your mind.

After some time you may see that your words would really serve no useful purpose. They might hurt your enemies, but in the long run they would hurt you more.

The biggest person in the room is the one who can hold their tongue. The most respected, strong individual is the one who can remain silent in the face of unjust treatment, and trust in the fact that what goes around always comes around. That’s the truth.

So don’t let the devil use your mouth for his handiwork, but instead let Jesus shine through your life. And if none of that makes any sense to you then just consider that perhaps it’s inappropriate and many people may not want to read your dirty laundry in the first place.

I’m not going to write a post and pretend like this has nothing to do with me. It does. This is just as much a reminder to myself as it is to anyone who reads these words. The thing is I think when something is important it’s worth repeating because it’s typically the blatantly obvious stuff that seeps into our subconscious, and somewhere along the line we accidentally fall victim to bold-faced lies about who we are and the world around us.

No arena today does this better than social media. Almost everyone is involved in some part, and it’s quite easy to get sucked into a false world where acquaintances are friends, and even enemies appear to be friends. Faulty perceptions persist, and folks speak a little more freely behind the comfort of their computer screen. Myself included.

Personally, I enjoy social media platforms. I think they’re fun, and I think they’re a great way to reconnect with old friends, or stay connected to long-distance friends. It serves as a wonderful area to spread prayer requests or other important news. Sometimes we’re probably all guilty of over-sharing, but isn’t it wonderful also to know you’re not alone in certain problems you may encounter. For these reasons I love Facebook, and Instagram is really fun too.

So when is social media not the greatest thing since sliced bread? Well, apart from consuming more of our time than is healthy for personal relationships, it also tends to arrive on our newsfeeds absolutely shrouded in falsehoods. There are certain lies social media tells us that can have a detrimental effect on our person.

Here’s just three.

1. Everyone’s life is perfect. So when do you take a picture of your kid? When they’re throwing a fit? How many shots do you take looking for that perfect pose where everyone is smiling angelically? Do you hesitate to post a picture that shows a dirty living room in the background?

Deep down we have to admit that most of us post the highlights of our life. We share the moments of celebration, the job promotions, and the understandable bragging posts of our kid’s accomplishments. Not many folks share, “well, Billy got an ‘F’ on his report card,” or other honest things that disappoint. We share how good God is when things are going right, but not many people say, “I’m so bloated and pissed off today I want to shoot my spouse.”

We share exciting news, but frequently keep to ourselves how we over-drafted our checking account or screamed at our kid for simply doing something very kid-like.

Everyone has bad days, but most social media posts show only the good stuff, the picture-worthy stuff, and the stuff that makes us look better. And since all we see come across our newsfeeds are vacation photos and yummy meals we assume everyone else is always going to the beach, and they cook like a gourmet chef to boot.

We know better, but somehow forget in the avalanche of perfection before us. After all, no one shares a photo with the caption, “hey, I gained thirty pounds over the holidays,” or a picture of the dinner they just burned. Nope. Everyone is losing weight and making the perfect roast while Timmy brings home all ‘A’s’ and the husband buys flowers for no reason at all.

You inadvertently wonder, “why doesn’t my husband buy me flowers?” You feel jealous over that woman’s perfectly dressed children who are always smiling, and you wish you could afford a vacation some time this year. On social media couples are always smiling, gardens are without weeds, and birthday cakes get better and better each year.

You’re left thinking, “man, I wish my life was that good.” You don’t mean to think that way, but seeing so much greatness becomes a competition unaware.

2. People are perfect. Did you see that selfie? Her make-up is flawless! Does she ever have a problem with her roots showing? She must have a live-in slylist. Why do my pictures never come out so complimentary?! I wish I was more photogenic. Or worse, I wish my body looked like that! Yet instead of being inspired to do something for ourselves, to make ourselves feel better, we’re left deflated and disheartened.

We see an onslaught of perfect, pouty lips, and hair that is just right. Does anyone take a bad picture anymore?!

Now you know darn well that every selfie you see is just like one you’d take yourself. In other words, that perfect picture before you is take number twenty-seven of a series, and it’s been edited out the wazoo. It has a very complimentary filter applied, and it could have been altered using apps that reduce wrinkles and dark circles too.

So why do we alter our photos? We do it so they’ll look better. Like everyone else’s does. Again, we know the reality, but we get so caught up in what society says is normal and beautiful that we strive to share a better version of ourselves rather than an honest one.

We use wraps to make our waists smaller, filters or apps to enhance, and discard photos that seem too real. “My nose looks crooked, my teeth are yellow, and I have a double-chin.”

The truth is no one looks good all the time. Everyone wakes up looking like death, and some angles are simply unflattering. You just don’t see those. They get deleted.

3. I am less perfect than those around me. Follow with me now. I’m trying to follow this false perfection theme that social media secretly instills. The truth is that no one is perfect, but it’s easy to forget that looking through Instagram. You can easily get tangled up in the lie that obtaining pretty close to perfect is possible just by watching the other guy.

Before you realize it you’re basing a portion of your self-worth on what social media says, and you will always fall short by this comparison. You’ll post a photo and check back frequently waiting to see who gives it a thumbs-up. You know you’re more than how many likes your post receives yet you may feel downtrodden when not that many come your way.

So-and-so always gets like 200 likes on a picture, and I just got 40. What does that mean? Rather than accepting it for what it is (aka, pointless) you may actually think it has something to do with you. “I knew I should have used Valencia instead of Sierra!”

Am I funny? Am I pretty? Am I well-liked by my peers? The last place to receive these answers is social media, yet that is where we often look.

Everyone’s life seems so happy and blessed. Their marriages are filled with love, their kids are brilliant, and their house is so much bigger than mine. Facebook has become the new way to keep up with Joneses, and for too many young people without a true sense of who they are, it’s a way to measure their worth. It’s a place to worry about what others think, and a yardstick by which to compare your own happiness. It’s not reality; it’s a false reality. It’s a big fat lie that refreshes every few minutes placing the most popular version of perfection at the very top.

When it comes down to it we can use social media, or we can allow it to use us. We can keep it real, or we can try in vain to keep up. We can be happy with our life, or we can wish for someone else’s. We can make our own rules, or let it rule us. At the end of the day social media is what you make it. It can be a blessing, or it can be a curse. Really, it’s all up to how you see it as it comes across your newsfeed.

Meet Brie

Brie is a thirty-something (sliding ever closer to forty-something) wife and mother. When she's not loving on her hubby, bouncing a happy toddler on her hip, chasing her preschooler, or teaching her six year old at the kitchen table, she enjoys cooking, reading, and writing down her thoughts to share with others. But honestly she loves nothing more than watching a great movie, or a hot bath, alone if the children allow. Which never happens.Read More…

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