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Perfectionism? Excellence is more effective

Perfectionism can hold us back from what we want. We want to be successful, to have good working relationships, to accomplish our goals, and to feel good about ourselves. It may seem paradoxical, but it is often the case that when we are perfectionistic, we get less done. Alternately, we might get a lot of tasks completed, but we suffer a lot while doing them. How can we step back from perfectionism, while becoming more effective and more peaceful at the same time?Let's look at seven conditions of perfectionism. Say for example that you're scheduled to present a report of your recent work to your immediate supervisor. The Perfectionistic Way of Being looks like this:

1. The goal of perfectionism is… absolute perfection! The report must be one hundred percent accurate and complete. Right? Wait a minute; that might not be good enough. If you are striving for perfection, the report might also need to be wonderful or astounding. Your presentation might need to knock their socks off. Usually with perfectionism, one hundred percent is not enough.2. Perfectionism requires people to work in a compulsive way. The report has to be perfect and it needs to look perfect. The paper it's printed on; shouldn't that be whiter? What about the font? Do you spend half an hour trying all the different fonts to find the "right" one? And what are you going to wear for the presentation? All the details that must be perfect require a certain anxious attention. In addition, trying to have a presentation be perfect for someone else assumes that we can his or her mind, thus adding another level of worry.3. The work can never be complete. There is always another detail or another angle that can be improved. The work can never be good enough, never perfect. This leads to a sense that the task is not complete or that you are presenting an incomplete presentation. I've known perfectionists who work long into the night on details that will never be noticed, because they weren't quite good enough.4. Those who strive for perfection often feel frustrated, depleted, or disappointed. Because it can never be good enough, because it can never be complete, the goal can never be fully met. Holding an unattainable goal like perfection automatically leads to feelings of frustration or letdown. Working compulsively can lead to exhaustion.

5. Perfectionism makes other people feel judged or wrong. Have you ever noticed that other people sometimes have their own opinions about what will look good or be "right"? The goal of perfection leaves little room for differences of opinion or experience. There is only one "right" way (the "perfect" way). Perfectionism is not very good for relationships.6. Striving for perfection leads to a mood of resentment. Over time, those who have perfection as a goal tend to be chronically anxious and disappointed, frustrated with others, and frustrated with themselves.

7. Low self-esteem and a sense of failure go hand-in-hand with the goal of perfection. Those who strive for perfection tend to assess past experiences as failures ("yes, I passed the exam, but I could have done better"). These self-evaluations of failure can develop into an overall belief of yourself as "a failure," even when other people might see you as a success.

If you've been stuck in a perfectionistic way of being, what can you do? Let's see what might happen if you chose a different goal. Rather than perfection, try choosing the goal of "excellence."

The Excellence Way of Being looks like this:

1. The goal of excellence requires that the results of your work meet the conditions of satisfaction for this specific task. What is necessary to complete the report, to satisfy the requirements of the job? 2. Excellence requires working in a committed way. In this way of thinking, your commitment is to completing the report, presentation, or other task, to fulfill the need of your organization for this information. You are committed to your organization and its functioning, rather than to perfection of some specific report.3. Once you have fulfilled the requirements of the task, you can declare it complete. It will not be necessary to make it the best report known to man. It is more effective to finish the job on time, with a minimum of suffering, than to make it a much bigger project than it truly needs to be.4. Those who strive for excellence often feel satisfied, energized, and fulfilled. It feels great to accomplish your goals. When your goals are reasonable, measurable, and attainable, you get to accomplish more of them.5. When you're striving for excellence, you value honest feedback. You want to keep the commitment you made; that's your goal. Feedback can help you get there, and you can be appreciative of the input of others.6. Striving for excellence leads to a mood of energetic innovation. Since the goal is to "make it work," those who go after excellence tend to succeed. They know that if the task is not working, they can make adjustments or renegotiate. They develop creativity and flexibility.7. Dignity and self-respect go hand-in-hand with excellence. When you're striving for excellence, you get to collect successful experiences, assess yourself as someone who gets things done, and enjoy mutually fulfilling relationships with colleagues.Shift your thinking from a goal of perfection to a goal of excellence, and you will find life getting a lot easier and more effective.

Suffer less and enjoy your life a lot more!

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Janet Shepherd, Ph.D.

Janet is a licensed psychologist who specializes in life design coaching and positive psychology. She has a background in neuropsychology and psycholinguistics, with more recent training in ontological coaching. A member of Jean Houston's Mystery School community, she has an abiding interest in metaphors, mythology, storying, and the power of language in creating the world around us. She teaches numerous seminars & workshops and works with groups & individuals.