“ Oh God, there have been so many. The most obnoxious complaint came from a woman who was angry that I made fun of her terrible drawing of Edward and Bella from Twilight. She likened her bruised ego to “how gay teenagers must feel when they’re bullied into suicide.” That made me really angry. She was the poster child for the generation of self-important idiots Etsy has birthed from its polymer vagina.

“There was also the guy who surfaced after I did a round-up of horrible 9/11 crafts, and used a crying eagle in the post. He claimed that he owned all images of the World Trade Centre and eagles, so putting them together in any way was an infringement of his copyright. He was pretty entertaining. He told me that the FBI would come to my house and “remove any images of crying eagles” and prevent me from “ever using Hotmail again.”

“Are you going to do anything with these complaints?

“ I’ve had so many fantastic emails from angry crafters that I’ve been assembling them into a theatre piece. You know “Love Letters?” That play where two people sit on opposite sides of the stage and read some dopey correspondence? Every community theatre in the world does it. Well, I’m going to do “Hate Mail” with Rob Paulsen (Pinky and the Brain, Animaniacs, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), and we’ll read all my favourite complaints and baseless legal threats in cartoon voices….”