Author Stacey Rourke

Friday, March 28, 2014

Looking at the cover of Ascension, Celeste Garrett appears the very definition of the noble warrior. And in many situations, she is! She's slayed a dragon, defeated countless number of demons, taken on a dozen Titans with just a mace and broad sword, and has always done so with masterful technique and a quippy one liner. Normal life, on the other hand, is where our hero shows the awkward side that makes her so endearing to readers! Without further ado, here is a count down of experts that display some of Celeste's biggest EPIC FAILS;

5.) Taken from Sacrifice- “Didn’t realize the attire for your
battles had become so lax.”

“We were having a bachelorette party
for Alaina, then the entertainment turned out to be—” I pushed off his chest, looked
side-to-side to see for eavesdroppers, then cupped my hands around my lips and mouthed
the word, “—evil.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I am not!”

He raised one eyebrow and folded his
arms over his chest.

“Okay, maybe a little,” I tittered. A burp
quickly turned that laugh to a grimace.

Disapproval oozed from every pore of
him as he shook his head. “Fate of the world depends on your safety and you’re
standing out here in the middle of the night completely shnockered. Ya really
don’t have a lick of sense, do ya?”

“I have plenty of sense. You’re,” I poked my finger into his pec,
“just a big grouch. You better start being nicer to me, or I won’t ask you and
your adorable chin dimple to go to my brother’s wedding with me.”

His stern exterior shattered and for
reasons I didn’t understand in the least he visibly struggled not to laugh. “You
want me to be your date for the wedding? Even though—Heaven forbid—others might
see?”

“Others-smothers!” I waved a
dismissive hand in the air. “Just you, me, and this adorable little butt-chin.
What do you say?” I punctuated my question by sticking my finger into his chin
dimple and adding a, “Boop!”

4.) Taken from Ascension- Eddie jerked to a
stop. Whatever idea suddenly brightened his face filled me with nothing but
dread. “You know what you need?”

“To make today’s
lesson Face Punching 101?”

“A makeover!”

“I like my idea
better.”

“Yes!” The twins
chorused and clapped their enthusiastic response. “We’ll take a page from the
book of Timberlake and bring her sexy back!”

My arms folded
over my chest. “A world of no.”

“Seriously, think
about it.” I flinched away as Eddie clasped a lock of my hair and turned it
over to inspect my split ends. “Right now they see you as the chick that single-handedly
launched the war of good versus evil. Maybe it’s time you reminded them that
under your hard warrior exterior is a moderately attractive girl that happens
to suffer from violent tendencies.”

“I’d like to
revisit the face punching option.” I scowled and slapped his hand away.

Red stepped in
front of me and blatantly stared at my chest. “I know an incantation that can
give her curves like Monroe. There’s not even a hint of boob here.”

I dropped my
hands to my sides and glared daggers at the fire demon.

“Not that your
boobie nubbins aren’t lovely.” He gulped.

“Okay, we’re done
here!” I shouted, pushing my way out of their smothering huddle.

3.) Taken from Embrace-

The glowing
sphere circled around and moved in for a body shot. I didn’t know if my
telepathy was a hands-free power, but I had to try. I squinted and tried to
give it a mind shove. No luck. Time was running out. I focused in again, but
this time roughly rotated my shoulder to fling my dead arm up. It worked—kind
of. I managed to steer it off its original path, but set it on a direct
collision course with the left side of my face. Electricity rocked through my
brain. I fell to the ground twitching.

“We will call
that time up,” Alaina called, and the orbs retreated.

My body gave one
last spastic shudder as I lay sprawled in the dirt. I stared up at the treetops.
The tiki torches Grams brought to line the perimeter and light the clearing
illuminated them. Her head was the first to pop into my line of vision.

“Geez Celeste, you look like you had a stroke.
You really shouldn’t have let that thing hit you.”

Kendall’s head
poked in next. “Aww! Her face is all droopy like a Bassett Hound.”

I groaned in response.

Gabe leaned over
me as he struggled to pull his shirt on with one working arm. “That’s what you
get for wussing out and using your mind power.”

“Ewwwww
suuuuuuuuuuuk.”

Last but not
least came a very sympathetic looking Alaina. “My, that didn’t end well. Did
it?”

They shook their
heads as they stared down at me. Finally, Gabe and Kendall grabbed my limp arms
and yanked me to my feet.

Grams wiped at my
mouth with her flag. “Guess I’ll have to call into work for you. I’ll just say
you need an emergency root canal. That’ll give you an excuse if the drooling lasts
a while.”

I tried to scowl,
but my face hung slack. The life of a superhero. Glamorous, no?

2.) Taken from Sacrifice- Kendall and I stood in silence and surveyed
the destroyed bridal shop. Black slime dripped from every surface and streaked
down the walls. All the beautiful formal wear Vicki displayed in her showroom was
a total loss. My guilt got the best of me and I tried to rectify the situation
a little by righting one of the display racks. It bumped the wall and caused a
giant glop of spider sludge to drip from the ceiling and plop down right on my
head. Black ooze slowly seeped through my hair and trickled down my face.

And the #1 biggest Epic Fail moment is ... drum roll, please ... the following scene from Embrace-

“A warm drink
would be bliss. I’ve heard great things about cappuccinos, but ne’er actually had
one. One of those’d be great.”

“Sorry, our cappuccino
machine is broken,” I apologized. “Dead actually. Won’t even turn on. We have a
great assortment of teas or coffees, if you would like one of those instead.”

Confusion creased
his brow, creating the only lines in his otherwise unblemished porcelain skin. With
narrowed eyes, he peered past me to the counter. “Ya sure it’s broken? Sounds
like it’s on now.”

I turned my head in
the direction of the counter. He was right, something was whirring. I could
hear it, too. But it wasn’t coming from the counter, or the DOA cappuccino
machine. It was closer than that. Close enough that I could feel the vibration
in my chest.

Oh, sweet- mother-of- all-that’s-good-and-pure, IT’S ME!! I’m
purring!! I know I have the essence of the Gryphon in me. And part of that is,
in fact, feline. But, seriously?! Purring?! Someone kill me now!

Turning Pages voted Best Teen Fiction for Sacrifice

Full Moon Bites Reviewer Favorite for Sacrifice

Indie Reader Approved!

Followers

Bex n' Books

Willow Cross

2012 Author of the Year

2012 Best Laugh Out Loud Series

About Me

There is nothing worse than being put on the spot and asked to talk about yourself. For me it brings back that inevitable moment in a new school when the teacher would ask me to stand up, introduce myself and tell the class something about myself. I was always worried I would blurt out something stupid that I would get teased for. Something like, "My name's Stacey and I like pickles!" Then for the rest of the school year I'd be known as the Pickle Girl and let's be honest, no one wants that.
So to avoid such a faux pas I will simply say that I love to write. It allows me to get my crazy out just enough that I can function as a normal member of society.