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We’re Clever Girls

News Appetizers: A Mid-Week Soliloquy

Welcome back you lovely peaches, you kindly kids with faces I could kiss and cheeks I could ravish. It’s all about the news, and well, the news can be what the French refer to as quelle horreur.

Good afternoon, folks, I’m your news editor,and I’ll be drunk on media power for the next few minutes. Image courtesy of eyeonspringfield.tumblr

Nonetheless, we triumphantly return, perhaps out of bravery, perhaps out of Stockholm Syndrome, reading up on the semi-uncontrollable events that define the world we burn so brightly in. Over-poetic much? Nay, verily (something like that), it is poetry that keeps it all together and if I have learned anything from Shakespeare and Kanye West, it is not what you say, but how you say it. So strap on your scuba masks and turn up the volume, let’s get this news party started and head into the current events unknown.

The space shuttle Discovery is taking its very last flight today. The shuttle, which has been retired, will be flown over several historical landmarks, including the nation’s capital. Um, all right. I love me some NASA, but I feel like there is some missing link here. D.C readers, feel free to weigh in on how you would feel to see a space ship up in your lawn. (NPR)

The Secret Service sex scandal is the hot new thing. MSNBC reports that “Army Gen. Martin Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has admitted, ‘We let the boss down’ over allegations of misconduct involving prostitutes against at least 10 U.S. military members at a Colombia hotel on the eve of President Barack Obama’s visit over the weekend.” “Sex scandal” is one of those funny phrases that describes something and nothing at all. (MSNBC)

So kittens, are you feeling the same feeling I have in my tender regions? Not those tender regions, the other ones. Or whichever ones you are most comfortable with. As we say each week, the news may be horrifying, a magnification of how truly messed up this world is and how powerless we may feel. But kittens, we’ve got power. Sure not enough power to launch Breivik to the Island of Assholes, where all crappy people must go (currently looking for a sponsor), but we have the power to remember that our actions can be controlled and that we can be kind and gentle in our everyday life. Sure, the soapbox can get lonely, but we can do a lot of good with our hope for a better place once it’s put into action. So remember kids, when the world looks extra awful, reach out and tell someone you love them. Give a hug. And for goodness sake, turn off the damn news, that stuff gives you nightmares.

So sick of the Breivik coverage already. I mean, yes, I understand why it’s being covered, but I really do not need to encounter any of that man’s poisonous, dreadful bullshit. And it’ll probably go on for weeks.

Ooh, I was just coming here to say that I would give anything to read his testimonial. Â Because I am fascinated by the way the mind works. Â But that’s really callous of me, because I am so removed from the situation – so thanks for reminding me.

Yes, I’m sickened by it all, too, and I’m sure I’m only hearing half the coverage the story is receiving in Europe.

I actually turned down the BBC in my kitchen yesterday because I couldn’t bear to hear any more words from or about this man. The BBC! I would have thought I could listen to anything indefinitely if it was carried on a British accent, but apparently, I was mistaken.