my 7 year old is out of control

I am a single mom of two kids. My 7 year old daughter has not had the easiest life before two years ago. her bio father was abusive in multiple ways. she was recently diagnosed with adhd and put on adderall 5mg twice a day and 10mg more after that. she does have a bit of attention issues but the medications havent seemed to help any. She will go on a complete rampage over just a smile towards her. she is becoming more and more abusive and will not talk, she has to scream at the top of her lungs. Her newest sayings are that "I dont even love her," and "i just wanna see her die." It kills me to see her in these moods and they are getting worse. I have tried to talk to her, I have also tried to talk to her doctor. I get no answers besides that i wanna see my kids on medications so i dont have to deal with them. In all honesty I would love to see her off of everything, and be able to enjoy my time with her. Instead i am battling behaviors, behaviors that I dont even understand how to deal with sometimes. I am trying to take her off of all her medications to see if i can get her in to a different doctor and get another opinion.

Welcome Jenn! One word of caution to protect your anonymity you should probably change your user name (instead of using actual name).

I would definitely be seeking a second opinion, and as SWOT stated a neruopsych exam may be a good place to start. I would also make sure she sees a child psychiatrist and a therapist. Does the doctor know everything she has been through with her bio dad? You definitely don't need a doctor saying you just want your daughter medicated so I like the idea of switching doctors!

In the meantime you might want to read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene; it can be very helpful in dealing with kiddos like ours. Sending gentle hugs your way.

My 7 year old daughter has not had the easiest life before two years ago. her bio father was abusive in multiple ways.

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Not sure if the abuse was toward you, or toward her, or both. But if the first five years of her live were "not the easiest", there may be psychological damage. Kids need to form safe, trusting relationships in the first three years of their lives. Neglect and abuse can destroy their ability to form normal attachments.

I agree with the other posters. Abuse and difficult beginnings can set our young children on a rough path. Who diagnosed your daughter with ADHD and prescribed the medication? Therapy sounds like it might be needed, not just for your daughter, but for the three of you as a family. Depression is also something that might be present. Children tend to manifest depression with anger.

Whatever the issues, your love and willingness to do whatever she needs will go a long way. A complete psychological work up is in order and follow your gut on this one. If you believe the adhd medications are doing more harm than good, take her off. They are one medication that can be stopped with minimal side effects because they are an "in and out" medication. Do some online research through your local health department website or local school district website for referrals to pediatric neuropsychologists in your area.

In addition to the neuropsychologist testing, please have her evaluated for sensory issues. Sometimes a child's body (or adult's) does not handle input from the senses in the best way. This can cause them to seek or avoid certain types of sensory stimulation. Her only speaking in a yell, for example, may be because her brain is telling her she needs the loud noise.

There are a LOT of things that can help sensory issues but it all starts with a thorough evaluation by an Occupational Therapist. Schools have them, but I STRONGLY recommend that you have a private evaluation done also. Why? School OTs look for what is impacting her at school, while a private Occupational Therapist (OT) looks at her entire life, not just her time at school.

As an adult with sensory issues, who can remember having them from my earliest memories, I beg you to get help for her. It can be nearly impossible to ignore something that is major to you but seems so incredibly minor to others. If I have a scratchy tag in a shirt, I literally cannot function. If my clothes itch, the day is over until I am out of them. I literally am UNABLE to think and I can cope with exactly NOTHING, not even things that I would normally not even notice. My brain is incapable of overlooking or ignoring the sensations. The longer I try, the harder it becomes to cope. This is what it is like for me, an over-40 yo mother of 3. Imagine how much harder it is for a child who has no idea why she feels like this or what to do about it?

You can learn more about sensory issues in "The Out of Sync Child" by Kranowitz.

sensory issues CAN be helped. One way is to provide a sensory diet of the types of sensations her brain and body crave, and this is important as it gives her a way to cope. Another method is called brushing. it uses a super soft brush to go over the body a certain way in order to retrain how the brain gets sensory input. I thought it was hocus pocus until I saw it work. It truly is astounding and it is medication free and very safe. You must be trained by an Occupational Therapist (OT) and then you do this with your child at home. This has the added benefit of making it inexpensive too (always a plus, in my opinion! esp given the cost of so many things to help our kids). By watching my youngest son for signs of sensory overload, using the right sensory diet for him, and brushing, my son went from missing most of the school week due to being totally overloaded to missing 1-2 days an entire year in just a couple of years. He was an extreme case and would go into a state of sensory overload that most kids don't.

I hoep this helps and that the various books we have suggested help. I also strongly suggest "What your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You" and "Parenting Your Child with Love & Logic"