Recently, the Thread tackled the important intersection of religion and relationships via ThreadRadio, which got me thinking about other issues in dating someone who doesn’t adhere to your beliefs/loves/interests. And then, walking into my bathroom, I saw this:

The Worst Part of Waking Up- the Anti-Folgers

Yet another reminder of the sports inadequacies of my boyfriend. Sharing only one of my teams, there are few sports conversations we share that don’t involve hating each other’s teams, bringing up painful memories (our combined teams have quite a few of them) and laughing every time an athlete from the other’s team tweets something ignorant.

I figured there may be other couples out there that can relate to this, so I thought I would share some of the strategies that have kept my boyfriend and I sane. Then, I realized that our situation is not only more complicated than most, but also a bit more ridiculous, so I thought a laugh at our expense wouldn’t hurt, either. I enlisted the help of my significant other, more often referenced around these parts as MichaelYoungHistory. Please reference his posts for all Rockets/Yankees/Bills/Giants/Duke slander.

1. Always “favorite” or screen grab their predictions for their team. Guaranteed fails every time.

I think this one pretty much explains itself. I know we all have high hopes for our teams every year (unless you’re a Browns or Bobcats fan right now) making the championship. We hoist the trophy in our heads at the start of the season, but putting it in print is pure ammo to your significant other. It’ll bring you closer!

2. Be supportive. Even when you have jokes and slander for days.

MYH: “I gotta be nice because my losses are coming.”

Not as much fun as #1, but trust, this one’s important. It’s all fun and games until the next game or week where your team gets clobbered and you have to taste all the hatred you were spewing before. When MichaelYoungHistory’s Ginas Giants won the Super Bowl, I was all about the high-five and big hug, because I knew if my team couldn’t win, I’d rather the Patriots lose his team win. When the Mavs lost on that clutch KD shot at the end of the game Saturday (still hurts), my boo didn’t laugh at my pain (externally). He understood losing close games because he’s been there before with his teams. MYH: “You have deal with the fact that the person that you love is down about it.” These are all lessons in love taught through sports. Slander with love.

3. Keep things interesting. Make a friendly wager when your teams play each other.

MYH:”The bets are crucial. As if we needed more on the line.”

Watching the NFL schedule released this month, the only cool part of sitting next to a Bills/Giants fan (besides the obvious Eli Face and Bills “always the bridesmaid” jokes) is figuring out if there are any games where our teams play each other, which of course, could either trigger the end of our relationship, or bring us closer. Depending on how well the winner handles the victory and stays out of the loser’s way. One of the ways to attempt to “lighten the mood” is to make a small wager- a home-cooked meal, a foot massage, a day of awful rom-coms or something equally painful,etc.- that both parties agree to if their team loses.

I unfortunately found myself in the loser’s corner this past NFL season, as the Giants beat America’s Team and broke my heart (and pride) not once, but TWICE. Both times, I had to prepare myself for the trash talking, seeing him wear that awful NYG t-shirt he claims is lucky and wishing nothing but pick 6’s on Eli Manning. We bet a favorite home-cooked meal prepared by the loser, which only made me more anxious each game. First loss, I played it cool. Handshake, head nod, whole nine. We also watched that game together (not always a good choice).

The second matchup, I decided it would be prudent for us to watch the game in different locations. Taking that “L” was the worst, but I will say this: having someone who cares about you enough to drive to you, not to rub their win in your face, but to listen to your monologue on everything that’s wrong with Jerry Jones, is love personified. I will never forget that. Ever.

4. Embrace the fact that you have a shared interest: an unhealthy obsession with sports (and the fact you hate some of the same teams).

MYH: “You care, and I care. And neither one of us are going to stop caring.”

We all have limits and deal breakers in relationships. In the sports department, there are some fans that I refuse to date, mainly because I know that I couldn’t possibly marry someone and have my kids root for those teams or go to their school. MYH: “I never thought I could date someone who was a serious Cowboys fan.” Fortunately, MichaelYoungHistory isn’t an Aggie, Sooner, Heat, Patriots, Redskins or Eagles fan. But he’s pretty much the next worse thing. I struggle every day with the Yankees and Giants fandom, but I know at the end of the day, we’re both Longhorns and can at least root for them together. We can also hate the Lakers together and it’s all good.

Being a sports fan connects you to all of the other passionate people around the world that care about players they may never meet and teams that shouldn’t matter as much as they do. We know we’re a little crazy, and being with someone who “gets” that makes life a whole lot easier. When it came time for the important “toothbrush at my place” moment, yeah, he tainted it a little with that disgusting Yankees toothbrush. On the flip side, when he gave me a key to his apartment, an already big step was made bigger by the fact that he had the key made with the Texas Rangers logo and colors. It’s a pretty cool exchange, and I’m sure there will be moments where we struggle to find a balance between being a good partner and a passionate sports fan, but I look forward to the challenge. Especially when he says stuff like this, smack dab in the middle of a serious conversation about committment:

MYH: “Oh, by the way, babe, we can’t get married during football season. We’d miss a whole weekend of good sports. You think we’re really more important to our friends than college and NFL football? I don’t wanna be that presumptuous…”

Like this:

I don’t really like to talk about it, but I get a bit of a thrill buying and selling things on craigslist, looking for cool apartments and homes in every part of the country, and the haiku hotel. I read the “best of craigslist” postings for a laugh and of course, on the seedier side of the website, there’s the “personals”. Casual Encounters is pretty self-explanatory, Missed Connections brings out my deep-seated romantic at times, and then there’s the seeking part of the program. The most confusing thing I have run across on the interwebz has to be the “strictly platonic” area. No one seems to know what this section means. With people looking for everything from a “texting friend” to a “NAKED PRAYER BUDDY” (more about this later), everyone’s definition of platonic seems to vary.

Whether on the internet or in real life, what is a platonic relationship and is it possible for a m4w/w4m (as well as a situation with a m4m/m4m or w4w/w4w) to work long-term?

I was really confused by a few of the posts I found. Who answers these?

this guy is so sexually confused. what does he want?

I don't even know where to start here...

What's the gift card thing about?

gold digging for friendship...smh...

Mixed in with these are random lunch, movie and texting invites. Everyone wants some kind of human interaction, but what are the conditions?

Here are my rules for the platonic relationship I am currently looking for:

1. We can’t have ever dated, hooked up, almost hooked up, talked about how we would have hooked up in different circumstances, liked each other “like that”, confessed a crush (even on a drunken night), “talked” or any variation of the above.

2. We must find each other good looking enough to hang around constantly (I like to look at a handsome guy while I’m watching poorly written action movies, sue me) but not be so physically attractive to ruin the platonic potential.

3. We must have similar social interests, but vary in opinion (related to politics, sports, music, etc.) and career paths. I like to argue and need someone to learn cool stuff from. I hope you majored in art history, engineering or accounting. I don’t know anything about any of those.

4. You can’t have a dumb broad for a girlfriend that doesn’t like our relationship. I don’t do jealousy, ignorance, or jealous, ignant hussies. I promise to return the favor.

5. Our friendship has no gimmicks, no power trips, no ulterior motives. We never keep tabs on who won the last fight, who owes who $5 from the last time out, and we don’t keep secrets. Our loyalty and longevity are what defines us. Nothing else matters.

“I guess I’m married to Lil Wayne because he tweeted that I was his wife. I didn’t know we were married, but, I guess we are. He’s a huge artist, one of the top artists in the country. My teammates and I listen to him a lot. That was tight, him tweeting at us and wishing us luck. He was watching the game and gave us a shout. I think that says a lot about how big women’s basketball is becoming and it appeals to all audiences.”

-Skylar Diggins in an interview with South Bend Tribune

At a viewing party for last night’s NCAA Men’s Championship game, during a particularly frustrating second half, a group of friends (all male) began discussing the women’s national championship game to be played Tuesday night. It was the first time in recent memory that 1) a group of men were anticipating a women’s basketball game and 2) They actually knew the names of players from Texas A&M and Notre Dame.

Like this:

As a sports fan of the XX chromosome variety, I couldn’t help but notice that last night’s Heat-Cavs game felt a lot like the hangover (and eventual rejuvenation) that accompanies breakups. From the female perspective, breakups are not only painful at the initial dissolution of the relationship, but a dull, constant ache that lingers like a sprained ankle in the days, weeks and months that follow. Lebron broke the city of Cleveland’s heart last summer, and after the dramatics that ensued last night, the Cavs and its fans can finally move on. I hope. So here’s my letter to the city of Cleveland. I understand how you felt, and I’m sure you love how you feel right now. Soak it up, because there’s nothing else to look forward to until the draft.

Congratulations! You have achieved what so many women around the world hope to accomplish after a particularly rough breakup. You finally got the upper hand and embarrassed your ex in a way he will never forget while looking like the bigger person. No easy feat. Trust me, I’ve tried. Your resiliency despite losing a ridiculous lead made for a great Tuesday night, and one that Bron Bron will never forget.

You see, I know how breakups are. He breaks up with you via Facebook (or in your case, ESPN. Sorry about that…) and changes his relationship status without even the customary breakup dinner.