I messed up. I have been tracking WH truck, and saw he drove by OW house. Instead of waiting a day to see if he told me, I asked him right away. He told me yes and why he did, but cover is blown on my source (he suspects any way) which makes me think its kind of useless now. Should I admit the tracking, or just take it off and cool it for awhile?

DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013

UpInTheAirNow♂ 37777Member # 37777

Posted: 10:15 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

Leave it be. If he's concerned tell him it's a condition for R.

ME 45
WW 50
DDay 6/13/12
Married 17 years, together 27 yrs.

Posts: 252 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NY

UpInTheAirNow♂ 37777Member # 37777

Posted: 10:17 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

Oh one more thing. If he does it again there needs to be consequences.

ME 45
WW 50
DDay 6/13/12
Married 17 years, together 27 yrs.

Posts: 252 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NY

karmahappens♀ 35846Member # 35846

Posted: 10:17 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

play dumb and don't reveal anything....maybe he will think it was coincidence??

If something is going on and you are in-tune you will see it.

Lies have a way of bubbling to the surface.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3988 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts

roarlouder♀ 40921Member # 40921

Posted: 10:27 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

He knows... He said its no coincidence I asked those questions. I didn't say no, and i didn't deny it. He's fine with it, and said it works in his favour because it proves he is where he is supposed to be. Problem is, if he knows about it and wants to do something he shouldn't he knows how to not get caught-remove it, take a cab, park somewhere else, etc.

If he drives by again we have a problem. I see this instance as part of the fog lifting, realizing it was fantasy and she was deceitful -just like he was...(car not home, likely with another man is his summary which is helping to realize how fake it was I think).

I feel like I am living in a really bad dream.

DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013

Dreamboat♀ 10506Member # 10506

Posted: 10:36 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

So...put a GPS on his phone. But leave the tracker on his car.

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)

heartache101♀ 26465Member # 26465

Posted: 10:42 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

roarlouder
He should not be doing drive bys period...
I am sorry..
I hope he gets his head out of his backside quick.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3222 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana

roarlouder♀ 40921Member # 40921

Posted: 10:57 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

I've been looking into something for his phone, but technology challenges make it not possible (I do have access)...
I know he shouldn't be driving by...it is a significant concern that he did... That he needed to see she wasn't home, which means she's moved on.
That doesn't count as NC in my mind.

DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013

niaveone♀ 40317Member # 40317

Posted: 11:01 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

If he has an iPhone, you can turn on Find My iPhone and he would never see you trying to find him.

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays
Reconciling

Posts: 419 | Registered: Aug 2013

roarlouder♀ 40921Member # 40921

Posted: 11:05 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

Do I need his apple ID for that? I can ask and he'll give it ( I have passwords for everything else) but I want to do it without raising suspicion.

DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013

stuckforever♀ 39908Member # 39908

Posted: 11:47 AM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

Beware, if he has updated his iPhone to ios7, there is a setting he can choose to make a small icon show up at the top when his phone is being tracked.

I secretly turned it off on my WH's iPhone after he updated to ios7.

Settings>Privacy>Location Services>System Services> and go to the bottom and make sure the "Status Bar Icon" is turned off!

And to use Find My iPhone you will need his Apple ID and Password.

You could also use iCloud.com on a computer and enter his Apple ID and password that way to access Find My iPhone.

Honey, we all wonder how our lives became like this sad movie plot. (((roar))) Stay on here - you'll get good advice from people who have been through it all.
tbh

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2884 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side

Holly-Isis♀ 13447Member # 13447

Posted: 12:01 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

I always found it helpful to insinuate I had as PI giving me info. Never could outright say as I'm crap at lying. :/ MrH should have wondered where the funds would come from since I'm a SAHM but he never did.

If he says it works in his favor, then he should have no problem with having you activate Find my iPhone. Then lock down location services under restrictions with a pass code only you know. If he truly doesn't care then he should have no problem with that. Meanwhile, keep the GPS for added peace of mind.

When it comes down to it though, if they're going to cheat, they'll cheat. But verification and the WS's attitude towards it (rather than calling it snooping or an invasion of privacy) can go a long way towards building trust.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11644 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo

roarlouder♀ 40921Member # 40921

Posted: 1:35 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

That's what is so scary. Where there's a will, there's a way. I know that. I don't want to play detective forever, I am already growing tired if it. But I also don't think I'll ever really trust him again.

DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013

Kierst13♀ 39197Member # 39197

Posted: 1:38 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013

That's what is so scary. Where there's a will, there's a way. I know that. I don't want to play detective forever, I am already growing tired if it. But I also don't think I'll ever really trust him again.

It is so very true. I never found a way of tracking my WS that he was not able to find a way around it; that includes the key logger.

I have more zen in my life now that I kicked him out and I do not have to worry about his *activities*.

Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!