Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

I have a friend in college who recently came out as a lesbian. I'm happy for her, especially since she has a hot girlfriend. However, she dumped a long term boyfriend before coming out last year. I feel kinda bad for that guy - I wonder if he blames himself for her going the gay way.

velvet_fog:I have a friend in college who recently came out as a lesbian. I'm happy for her, especially since she has a hot girlfriend. However, she dumped a long term boyfriend before coming out last year. I feel kinda bad for that guy - I wonder if he blames himself for her going the gay way.

He's probably just pissed that he didn't get any MFF threesomes with her as she was discovering her sexuality.

Igor Jakovsky:Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

Because his decision to reveal portions of his private life is all about a woman he was engaged to back in the double-barrels a presidential term ago. While it's possible he just up and said "Peace, woman" without another word, more likely is that he wasn't fully comfortable admitting he's gay (or hadn't realized it beyond "I don't want to be with you"), which makes sense with a 4-year delay in between calling off the engagement and the big announcement. It's not as easy as finding out you're pregnant and announcing that to the world.

Or they had a few heart-to-hearts and she still can't understand his "decision" to be gay. TFA doesn't mention her age (weird, right?), but if she's north of 40 and/or from a conservative background, it's entirely possible she believes some prayer (or an "old-fashioned") would "cure" him.

velvet_fog:I have a friend in college who recently came out as a lesbian. I'm happy for her, especially since she has a hot girlfriend. However, she dumped a long term boyfriend before coming out last year. I feel kinda bad for that guy - I wonder if he blames himself for her going the gay way.

A few years ago I had a girlfriend--well, somewhere between a fling and a girlfriend--who a couple years later decided to start living as a man. I knew from the start she was bi trending towards lesbian so when I saw a messageboard post by her called "I'm coming out" I thought I knew what I was going to read, but needless to say I wasn't expecting that. Most of the rest of the post consisted of various iterations of "The Third Man made me do this" and "if The Third Man hadn't dumped me (note: I dumped her because she was beyond crazy and at various points I was concerned for my safety) I'd still be happy to be a woman but now I feel tainted and I can't even look at myself in the mirror and and and...."

So, yeah, I kind of know how that guy feels. I mean if she wanted to be F-to-M transgender, that's fine, but to claim that I was somehow at fault for it, I don't know man.

velvet_fog:I have a friend in college who recently came out as a lesbian. I'm happy for her, especially since she has a hot girlfriend. However, she dumped a long term boyfriend before coming out last year. I feel kinda bad for that guy - I wonder if he blames himself for her going the gay way.

Dr Dreidel:Igor Jakovsky: Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

Because his decision to reveal portions of his private life is all about a woman he was engaged to back in the double-barrels a presidential term ago. While it's possible he just up and said "Peace, woman" without another word, more likely is that he wasn't fully comfortable admitting he's gay (or hadn't realized it beyond "I don't want to be with you"), which makes sense with a 4-year delay in between calling off the engagement and the big announcement. It's not as easy as finding out you're pregnant and announcing that to the world.

Or they had a few heart-to-hearts and she still can't understand his "decision" to be gay. TFA doesn't mention her age (weird, right?), but if she's north of 40 and/or from a conservative background, it's entirely possible she believes some prayer (or an "old-fashioned") would "cure" him.

Wow. I'm surprised you didn't pop a hamstring jumping to all those conclusions.

While it's possible he just up and said "Peace, woman" without another word, more likely is that he wasn't fully comfortable admitting he's gay (or hadn't realized it beyond "I don't want to be with you"), which makes sense with a 4-year delay in between calling off the engagement and the big announcement.

"When I was younger I dated women. I even got engaged. I thought I had to live a certain way. I thought I needed to marry a woman and raise kids with her. I kept telling myself the sky was red, but I always knew it was blue." - Jason Collins

Maybe he wasn't comfortable admitting it to her, but he knew he was gay and came out to his family members a couple of years before the SI article was released.

I can certainly understand why she'd be upset, she'd have to be after spending 8 years with a person then having all of their plans called off one day with apparently very little explanation, only to find out the truth FOUR YEARS LATER.

Dr Dreidel:Igor Jakovsky: Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

Because his decision to reveal portions of his private life is all about a woman he was engaged to back in the double-barrels a presidential term ago. While it's possible he just up and said "Peace, woman" without another word, more likely is that he wasn't fully comfortable admitting he's gay (or hadn't realized it beyond "I don't want to be with you"), which makes sense with a 4-year delay in between calling off the engagement and the big announcement. It's not as easy as finding out you're pregnant and announcing that to the world.

Or they had a few heart-to-hearts and she still can't understand his "decision" to be gay. TFA doesn't mention her age (weird, right?), but if she's north of 40 and/or from a conservative background, it's entirely possible she believes some prayer (or an "old-fashioned") would "cure" him.

Actually the article says that she didn't find out about teh ghey until after his coming out party and he still has not attempted to contact her.

I think the 4 year delay was because even in 2009 things were still not exactly progressive with regards to homosexuality. Now you have multiple states endorsing gay marriage, DOMA is overturned and while there is far from equality the pendulum has definitely swung away from the conservatives.

She is 35 now so this whole thing started when she was 23 and ended when she was 31. That's a lot of time to invest on what turned out to be a sham.

Carousel Beast:Wow. I'm surprised you didn't pop a hamstring jumping to all those conclusions.

There's no more reason to assume she's absolutely right than there is for OP's supposition or any of the explanations I offered. Some require a bit more assumption (or "reaching") than others, but TFA also suggests she and J-Coll haven't been besties since then. It's entirely possible that something other than "Jason's a big meanie who just stopped talking to me one day and then he broke our engagement and only 4 years later did I find out it's cause he's gay" is the truth.

There has to be more to this story, and it would not surprise me in the least to learn that both of them omitted some of their own faults in the demise of their relationship. Unless he really is that big a shiatbag to just up and leave without explanation one day, there is very obviously some detail missing.

// also, conclusions usually don't contain hedge words like "if" and "maybe" and "assuming"// also, I don't really NEED to know the truth, it just rubbed me the wrong way that OP made his decisions all about her feelings and ignored his

I like my morning radio show hosts take on this after watching clips of Collins on youtube. "I'm not phased by the fact that he's gay, to be honest, I'm more surprised that there's a guy in the NBA who plays defense"

Dr Dreidel:There's no more reason to assume she's absolutely right than there is for OP's supposition or any of the explanations I offered. Some require a bit more assumption (or "reaching") than others, but TFA also suggests she and J-Coll haven't been besties since then. It's entirely possible that something other than "Jason's a big meanie who just stopped talking to me one day and then he broke our engagement and only 4 years later did I find out it's cause he's gay" is the truth.

Certainly, but to her credit it sounds like she just wants to open dialogue for the sake of bringing closure. Whether there were actions on her part that led to Collins bringing the relationship to such an abrupt end or not, I'm not going to fault someone at least wanting to hear a direct explanation.

I'm not going to haul off and call Collins an asshole, either. Society didn't exactly make it easy on Collins to be who he is comfortably.

I know everyone is calling the guy heartless because he dumped her but isn't it much better than go ahead with the marriage? Plenty of gay people hide who they are by having straight relationships, it happens but at least he had the forethought of not getting married or having children with her. Did he know that he was gay when he started the relationship? Did he hang on in hopes that he was straight? There are a lot of variables before we go off branding the guy a monster

Yanks_RSJ:Igor Jakovsky: She is 35 now so this whole thing started when she was 23 and ended when she was 31. That's a lot of time to invest on what turned out to be a sham.

Exactly. Collins doesn't get a pass on being intentionally deceptive for 8 years just because he happened to be dealing with an internal struggle with his own sexuality.

Intentionally deceptive? Unless Collins was banging guys on the side and only staying in the relationship with the female so that he would have a good cover story, there's no evidence that he was being intentionally deceptive. He clearly struggled with his sexuality, but I put the blame for that on our society. Their 8 year relationship was no more of a sham than if it had ended simply because they had grown apart, one of them had changed significantly over that period, or any of the myriad of other reasons why relationships end. He called off the wedding, just like thousands of other spouses to be do every year. Big deal. If you are having second thoughts at all, don't get married. He did the right thing. 8 years is probably when most relationships should be over anyways. I should know - I've been married for 11.

ModernPrimitive01:I know everyone is calling the guy heartless because he dumped her but isn't it much better than go ahead with the marriage? Plenty of gay people hide who they are by having straight relationships, it happens but at least he had the forethought of not getting married or having children with her. Did he know that he was gay when he started the relationship? Did he hang on in hopes that he was straight? There are a lot of variables before we go off branding the guy a monster

I'm not saying he's a monster, but I am saying that this woman is justified in being a little pissed off and upset about being lied to for a large portion of her adult life, then finding out the truth only when the rest of America was about to find out.

Yes, it was better that the marriage never happened, but it's still a shiatty deal for her.

velvet_fog:I have a friend in college who recently came out as a lesbian. I'm happy for her, especially since she has a hot girlfriend. However, she dumped a long term boyfriend before coming out last year. I feel kinda bad for that guy - I wonder if he blames himself for her going the gay way.

I've always wondered why people do that. I dated a guy ages ago who came out a few years after we broke up. No one "made" him gay. He just finally came to terms with it. It wasn't a serious relationship and I don't think I felt one way or another when he told me. Just "Okay, whatever makes ya happy."

dark brew:Unless Collins was banging guys on the side and only staying in the relationship with the female so that he would have a good cover story, there's no evidence that he was being intentionally deceptive

He knew he was gay, and kept the relationship going for 8 years under false pretenses, including a marriage proposal and engagement. Regardless of the extenuating circumstances of his personal struggle, he did intentionally deceive her, and waited until a month before their planned wedding to break it off without any explanation, then waited another four years to actually reveal the truth, and only then because he was about to reveal it to the world in a magazine.

Killer Cars:Dr Dreidel: There's no more reason to assume she's absolutely right than there is for OP's supposition or any of the explanations I offered. Some require a bit more assumption (or "reaching") than others, but TFA also suggests she and J-Coll haven't been besties since then. It's entirely possible that something other than "Jason's a big meanie who just stopped talking to me one day and then he broke our engagement and only 4 years later did I find out it's cause he's gay" is the truth.

Certainly, but to her credit it sounds like she just wants to open dialogue for the sake of bringing closure. Whether there were actions on her part that led to Collins bringing the relationship to such an abrupt end or not, I'm not going to fault someone at least wanting to hear a direct explanation.

I'm not going to haul off and call Collins an asshole, either. Society didn't exactly make it easy on Collins to be who he is comfortably.

fark THAT. Plenty of guys and girls have felt pressure to be not gay. Not all of them strung along another person for 8 yearsto make their life more convenient.and He's not a hero because he is doing it at the tail-end of his career when popular opinion is swining in his favor.The figure skater Johnny Weir is more of a hero for being as flaming as he wanted to be even though he knew it cost him.

Igor Jakovsky:Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

It's many years too late to change any of that. At least now, by coming out, he's taken on a risk no other active gay athlete in a major North American league has, and helped pave the way to a more accepting climate that won't make future athletes feel they have to put on the charades that he did.

He can't undo what he did to his ex-fiancee or others in his past, but he's doing good now by voluntarily becoming the figurehead no other gay athlete is willing to be. I can't judge if it's just penance or not, but it's a lot better than staying silent.

Igor Jakovsky:Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

Hey look, someone that knows absolutely, positively jack shiat about the pressures of male athletes who are in the closet.

Igor Jakovsky:Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

I'm sure our culture of discrimination and prejudice had nothing at all to do with that.

Rwa2play:Igor Jakovsky: Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

Hey look, someone that knows absolutely, positively jack shiat about the pressures of male athletes who are in the closet.

That may be, but can we at least acknowledge that carrying on a relationship for 8 years then waiting until a month before the wedding to call it off without an explanation is a pretty shiatty thing to do to someone you allegedly care about?

Being a closeted gay athlete doesn't give you the right to ruin other people's lives.

Rwa2play:Igor Jakovsky: Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

Hey look, someone that knows absolutely, positively jack shiat about the pressures of male athletes who are in the closet.

bopis:Killer Cars: Dr Dreidel: There's no more reason to assume she's absolutely right than there is for OP's supposition or any of the explanations I offered. Some require a bit more assumption (or "reaching") than others, but TFA also suggests she and J-Coll haven't been besties since then. It's entirely possible that something other than "Jason's a big meanie who just stopped talking to me one day and then he broke our engagement and only 4 years later did I find out it's cause he's gay" is the truth.

Certainly, but to her credit it sounds like she just wants to open dialogue for the sake of bringing closure. Whether there were actions on her part that led to Collins bringing the relationship to such an abrupt end or not, I'm not going to fault someone at least wanting to hear a direct explanation.

I'm not going to haul off and call Collins an asshole, either. Society didn't exactly make it easy on Collins to be who he is comfortably.

fark THAT. Plenty of guys and girls have felt pressure to be not gay. Not all of them strung along another person for 8 yearsto make their life more convenient.and He's not a hero because he is doing it at the tail-end of his career when popular opinion is swining in his favor.The figure skater Johnny Weir is more of a hero for being as flaming as he wanted to be even though he knew it cost him.

Freak:bopis: Killer Cars: Dr Dreidel: There's no more reason to assume she's absolutely right than there is for OP's supposition or any of the explanations I offered. Some require a bit more assumption (or "reaching") than others, but TFA also suggests she and J-Coll haven't been besties since then. It's entirely possible that something other than "Jason's a big meanie who just stopped talking to me one day and then he broke our engagement and only 4 years later did I find out it's cause he's gay" is the truth.

Certainly, but to her credit it sounds like she just wants to open dialogue for the sake of bringing closure. Whether there were actions on her part that led to Collins bringing the relationship to such an abrupt end or not, I'm not going to fault someone at least wanting to hear a direct explanation.

I'm not going to haul off and call Collins an asshole, either. Society didn't exactly make it easy on Collins to be who he is comfortably.

fark THAT. Plenty of guys and girls have felt pressure to be not gay. Not all of them strung along another person for 8 yearsto make their life more convenient.and He's not a hero because he is doing it at the tail-end of his career when popular opinion is swining in his favor.The figure skater Johnny Weir is more of a hero for being as flaming as he wanted to be even though he knew it cost him.

Because it's so incredibly hard to be a gay figure skater.

Not as easy as being an internet loudmouth but harder than you apparently think.

velvet_fog:I have a friend in college who recently came out as a lesbian. I'm happy for her, especially since she has a hot girlfriend. However, she dumped a long term boyfriend before coming out last year. I feel kinda bad for that guy - I wonder if he blames himself for her going the gay way.

I knew four girls in college who did the same thing. Then they realized women were crazy, and eventually all went back to men.