by Brad Warner

I saw the Michael Richards racist tirade at the Laugh Factory and the subsequent apology on Letterman on YouTube this morning. I canít stay up that late anymore. Though Iíve been meaning to go see something at the Laugh Factory for a while now and had I noticed Michael Richards was doing a show, I might well have gone that night. If you havenít seen it, just log on YouTube and search for Michael Richards. Itíll come up. Itís some pretty strong stuff and a pretty sad display. But in a lot of ways itís just more typical Hollywood shenanigans. Tom Cruise on the couch, Mel Gibsonís arrest and now this.

What was interesting to me, though, was something Michael Richards said on Letterman. He said, ďWhatís strange is that Iím not a racist and that just came out.Ē Now Iím sure most of the audience, and most of you reading this right now, saw that and thought, yeah, right, not a racist my ass! Actually, though, I believe him. And the reason I do is because some of my own experiences in Zazen practice.

In a way I think Zazen may be a little like stand-up comedy, at least certain kinds of stand-up. I havenít seen Richardsí act. But, from the video it looks like he does the kind of on-the-edge stream-of-consciousness style thatís pretty trendy these days. Unfortunately, it doesnít seem like heís very good at it and maybe he should stick to more scripted material. Be that as it may, I find some things in common between that style of stand-up and what happens in Zazen sometimes.

In order to do the kind of stand-up Richards was attempting to do, you have to let down a lot of psychological barriers. Itís a bit like free association in psychotherapy, I imagine, though Iíve never done that either. You never know whatís gonna come out when you start letting all the barriers down and just saying whatever happens to pop into your head. Or, in fact, saying things before youíve even had time to process them mentally. Doing it one-on-one with a psychologist whose job it is not to judge you is relatively safe. But doing it in front of an audience is dangerous. As Michael Richards proved. Doing it silently on a cushion facing a wall that never heckles you or charges you by the hour may be the best way.

We all carry loads and loads and loads or repressed stuff with us everywhere we go. There is a lot of stuff in your head right now that you do not even know about. Some of it is very good and some of it is intensely bad. When you do Zazen this kind of stuff starts to bubble up to the surface.

You may not be a racist. But youíve grown up in a society where racist attitudes are very strong. Youíve been exposed to them since the moment you were born in ways overt and subtle. Though youíve probably consciously denied these things and may never have spoken them, they exist in your psychological make-up. Not just racism, but all kinds of dark and evil things. You think these things are not part of you, that they are out there, somewhere else, in those other people, those bad people. Not in you.

But the only reason you can recognize whatís ďevilĒ is because it is part of you. If youíre healthy you recognize it as part of you that must be repressed. But even this knowledge is mainly on a subconscious level. Consciously you believe you do not even possess these attitudes at all.

There is a very strong, intimate connection between you and all other human beings. In fact, you and everyone and everything you meet are expressions of the very same ineffable something that creates this universe. Spiritual type people love to say this kind of thing as if itís all boundless beauty and wonderfulness. But look again. Youíre not just one with the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees. You think Michael Richards is a racist? You can only recognize what he is because itís part of you. Youíre one with every hateful sneering madman who ever burned another human being alive just because he didnít like the color of his skin and just because it gave him a false sense of power. You hate those guys who torture poor innocent Arab-Americans falsely accused of terrorism? Youíre them, too. Think George W. Bush is a fascist? Look in the mirror, buddy. Thereís George W. Bush. You are much, much closer to all of these people than you are to the sunshine and lotus blossoms you dream about in your fantasies of Enlightenment.

People who are into doe eyed, dolphin hugging, incense and peppermints spirituality will never, ever get to the most profound and important truths because they turn their heads away from reality and try to escape into misty dreams of fantastic far-off worlds.

But, hereís the thing. If you can face down the worst part of your self, if you can look it right in the eye and stare it down, you can come to terms with what it really is. What it really is, is nothing at all. But if you want to discover this you have to be prepared to give up everything. To really give up everything, I mean, not just make a show of giving up everything. You have to give up you. And if you think thatís easy, if you think you can do that in an afternoon, if you think someone else can do that for you, if you think you can do that by taking a pill or eating some Ďshrooms, well, youíve come to the wrong blog.

This is one of the reasons, in fact, that taking drugs or doing any of the supposed quickíníeasy methods of reaching Enlightenment are some dangerous mojo and not recommended by anyone who has any sense at all. You cannot dive into this stuff fast and hope to come out of it sane. You must move very, very slowly.

If you do move slowly into it and take it all the way to the very end of the process, youíll come to see that the real core of your being is something infinite. What youíve called your ďselfĒ for your whole life is just a thin, fragile skin on the very surface. Like a bubble floating on top of a deep, deep ocean.

When youíre ready to shake hands with Satan and call him your friend, you might be ready to meet God.

“If youíre healthy you recognize it as part of you that must be repressed. But even this knowledge is mainly on a subconscious level. Consciously you believe you do not even possess these attitudes at all.”

Repressed but recognized.. Michael Richards meltdown was almost identical to Mel Gibsonís. both men had suppressed some really nasty stuff to the point of not even knowing it was there. (both claim no racist tendencies) A little booze or stress was all that was needed to pop the boil. that repressed shit can surface when you least expect it.

A hundred years ago we wouldn’t have believed that other races were of the same species as us, so I believe that civilization has come a long way in a short amount of time.

Some of us notice that we habour racist thoughts (I sometimes do), and some of us seem oblivious to them, but really these thoughts are like Jellyfish in the ocean of our mind. They are nowhere near as vicious as the sharks of our psyche.

Zazen is the practice of seeing ourselves as we trully are without any attachment or rejection.

meeting your demons…meet and greet your demons, call them friend, take them to dinner and then cast the evil bastards to the corner of the room for god to watch over…in the upper left hand corner of every ‘room’ you enter god is there…whatever the hell god is.

In myself I sometimes noticewhat I imagine to be a sortof sublingual Tourette’s Syndrome: outlandishly socially inappropriatethoughts popping into my head outof nowhere, usually involvingthemes from the more intense sideof human experience, such as sexand violence. I used to think therewas something wrong with me, andthe more I worried about it, themore often the crazy-thought-ticswould bubble up in a reflexive andmultiplying spasming — sort of likeMickey Mouse and the brooms in theSorcerer’s Apprentice.

Then, one day I decided“oh, they’re just thoughts”,and they slowly subsided.

“Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.” –H. L. Mencken

Sounds likeS-L-O-W is indeedthe way to go…

I guess I’ll keep on plugging away at daily zazen, even thoughI have a hard time believing thatan idiot and an asshole likemyself could ever becomewise and compassionatejust by staring at a wall.But then there doesn’t seem to beany other game in town.

PSPartially in defense of MelGibson’s ranting…

When people fail to distinguishbetween “races” and cultures –between what people ARE and whatpeople DO — they get into allkinds of trouble. For example, Ihave many Jewish friends who aredisgusted by the fascist culturalmindset of those currently incharge of Israel. Just becauseyou disagree with the policy ofthe Israeli State does not meanyou are anti-semitic.

Anyone can bea goose-stepping Nazi –me, you, even a Jew –it all depends what you DO!

This kinda reminds me of a psychological test I took for a job a couple of years back. The question was something like “Have you ever thought about killing your boss?” I of course answered yes…..(I don’t think this was the right answer for the test by the way) I’ve even thought about how I would get rid of his body…..this of course was a completely different question than “have you ever considered killing your boss” which I had never done.

“I’m not really racist…”One time I said this to Brad. He didn’t say anything about it. But, ever since I said it, I know it’s not the truth.

Whenever I walked around neigborhoods in L.A. and Long Beach and there were large crowds of black dudes, brothers, hanging around shooting the shit, I always felt pretty uncomfortable walking by. I mostly kept to myself and only spoke if spoken to.

Now, I can’t say that I could never be cool with guys like them. But it does seem as though years of conditioning have trained a kind of wedge between us. It seems as though a special effort has to be made on both our parts in order knock out that wedge.

I’ve seen some other pretty extreme examples of this that have absolutely nothing to do with race. Like this guy I saw lying face-down on a sidewalk at Long Beach Blvd. and P.C.H. who everyone was walking around. To us he was just some sort of obstacle and a very uncomfortable one at that.

A lot questions came up as I kept walking away. Could I help him? Is there anything I could have done at all? As I pondered (or convinced myself of) my inability to deal with that situation, I just kept walking away.

Had it been my girlfriend lying there, I would have helped her. No matter how complicated, no matter how long it took. Nothing would have pulled me away were it her.

We live in a strange country. The basic white guy is constantly on the defense on race issues. While anyone else can be openly racist and generally blame it on us white guys.

In Asia they generally look down their noses at their neighbors. Never ask a Chinese guy if he is Japanese or Korean, or vice versa, talk about butthurt! Do I need to mention the Middle East or Africa? Culture or race while involved sometimes has little to do with it. Sometimes they donít like each other because they go to a different church.

We are naturally protective and anything we see as different than us could be perceived as a threat. Parts of my own family didnít get here until the 1900ís and they were white and caught a ration of shit just because they had a Mac in front of their names. They were different! It is an ancient reflex for survival. All we can do is acknowledge that and love ourselves enough to enable us to love all sentient beings.

Great post Brad. But I think that for anyone to truly understand it, one has to actually go through it. I imagine that if I had read this post before I confronted my own demons, it wouldn’t have meant nearly as much. It is easy to think that we have confronted our demons. But actually doing so can feel like the end of the world. It is an incredibly “alone in the universe” feeling. Not something that most people would willingly do. Yet, it is the only way to deal with life honestly and sincerely. Maybe this is why so many people enjoy horror movies? Maybe this is why 90% of popular books and films have a murder involved in the story? Maybe people know inside that they need to confront their fears and demons? Maybe people feel that confronting demons vicariously through an actor’s role is a safe way to experience the reality that they fear? I have a feeling that horror movies only exascerbate the problem. Otherwise, people wouldn’t keep going to them agaion and again. My feeling is that we need to actually confront our own deeply buried thoughts… not those of somebody else’s. When we confront our own demons, we don’t know if we will actually survive. Yet we know that we have to do it in order to be honest with ourselves.

Sure, I’ll shake hands with Satan,but only after becoming Satan myselfand administering “an eye for an eye”in all its righteous glory!If Satan is unwilling to walk a milein his victim’s shoes, then I willforce him to:

I didn’t think I was racist. I’m liberal – I’m above all that. But I frequently surprize myself with my racism. Some comment comes out of me and I have to own up to it. And then I don’t always know when I’m racist, which further confuses the whole mess. The Sunday before the election, the minister at my church gave a wonderful talk on not being separate from others. Which reminds me I need to thank her for that – I could relate to it more than I can to many of the dharma talks at my zen center, which center around kong-ans and late great zen masters who hold up one finger.

I heard one of the dumbest things regarding racism that I’ve ever heard the yesterday whilst grocery shopping at Walmart.

A black employee was going on and on with a customer about how wrong it was that ‘just because most black people buy their Christmas gifts the day after Thanksgiving, they call it ‘Black Friday’. That’s just racist bullshit.’

I just quietly butted in and said, ‘The phrase Black Friday’ has nothing to do with black people.’

You know what it showed me?? After watching his explanation i begain to see that although i despise racisism and argue against it constantly and am uber-liberal that deep down (and not that deep)i have a huge dose of racists feelings. And i get the feeling that if everyone looked close enough they would see the same.

I see myself respond inwardly to any number of images etc that build a case for my deeper feelings which of course i would never share, and did not realize i had until this incident. Of course brought into the light of day and asked to provide “proof” for there feelings, of course i have none. In other word i have never been in a position to witness in person 99% of the stuff i respond to. Hummmm. Maybe if were honest we can see the shit that fills our heads. Them maybe we could move into that space we are all chasing regardless of weather you admit it or not…