After a painstaking process of pulling random names out of our ass (ASS DON’T LIE) and briefly scanning stats to make sure players weren’t better than we remember, we here at KSK have produced the definitive list of the most average NFL players ever. Never mind that entire generations of players aren’t represented. THEY WERE JUST TOO GOOD BACK THEN. Anyway, feel free to argue and complain, as we’re likely wrong about most of these. It’s not like anyone is going to prove us wrong, unless Football Outsiders runs the numbers and calculates which players hewed most closely to replacement level for the longest, in which case someone will actually have proved us wrong. Until at that time, this will have to do.

Also worth nothing: we’re aware some of these players were named to a Pro Bowl. We’re confident that that Pro Bowl season is surrounded by enough mediocrity or meager production for their career to be considered quintessentially average on the whole. We’re not disqualifying a cornerback from the list just because of a statistical aberration that caused them to make the Pro Bowl for having eight picks one year just because the ball bounced their way or quarterbacks repeatedly threw on them. So there! And now, the list!

100. Mike Rumph

99. Todd Pinkston

98. Marvcus Patton

97. Damione Lewis

96. Chris Dishman

95. Lee Evans

94. Maurice Morris

93. Deshea Townsend

92. Leslie Shepherd

91. Josh Miller

90. Darnay Scott

89. Dre’ Bly

88. Alvin Harper

87. Kailee Wong

86. Al Del Greco

85. Dixon Edwards

84. Aaron Brooks

83. Marty Booker

82. Cadillac Williams

81. Ethan Albright

80. Chris Chandler

79. Jerricho Cotchery

78. Amp Lee

77. Gerald Dixon

76. Joe Namath (Hall of Fame liver, average ability)

75. Deon Grant

74. Tony Banks

73. Jeff Reed

72. Justin Hartwig

71. Phillippi Sparks

70. Todd Collins

69. Marcus Pollard

68. Brentson Buckner

67. Torrance Small

66. Neil O’Donnell

65. Jose Cortez

64. Ike Reese

63. Nate Washington

62. Antowain Smith

61. Pisa Tinoisamoa

60. Josh Reed

59. Scott Shanle

58. Jim Harbaugh

57. Dewayne Washington

56. Anthony Becht

55. Corey Fuller

54. LaMont Jordan

53. Earl Dotson

52. Cedric Benson

51. Chris Zorich

50. Craig Morton

49. Chris Claiborne

48. Ike Hilliard

47. Otis Smith

46. Nick Barnett

45. Jason Campbell

44. Jason Sehorn

43. Ed West

42. Terry Kirby

41. Will Allen

40. Brian Griese

39. Gus Frerotte

38. Kevin Curtis

37. Jabar Gaffney

36. Shawn Jefferson

35. Knowshon Moreno

34. Dave Brown

33. Edgar Bennett

32. Kyle Orton

31. Roy Williams (WR)

30. Tim Biakabutuka

29. Carlos Emmons

28. Rick Tuten

27. Tyrone Poole

26. Merril Hoge

25. Leroy Hoard

24. Don Beebe

23. Clark Haggans

22. Steve DeBerg

21. Robert Gallery

20. Errict Rhett

19. Chris Calloway

18. Eric Barton

17. A.J. Hawk

16. Bernie Parmalee

15. Rodney Peete

14. Joe Jurevicius

13. Vonnie Holliday

12. Dhani Jones

11. James Jett

10. Roman Phifer

9. Bubby Brister

8. Trent Dilfer

7. J.J. Stokes

6. Adam Archuleta

5. Kyle Brady

4. Ricky Proehl

3. Vencie Glenn

2. Steve Walsh

1. James Thrash

There you have it. According to our complex metric of bullshit and gut feeling, James Thrash is the most average player in the history of the NFL. Henceforth, the threshold separating the shitty from the pretty good will be referred to as the Thrash Line Thrashhold.

Fred-X? Reggie Brown? I would say Hank Baskett but I think he’s out of the league since he failed to recover that onside kick in the Colts/Saints Super Bowl.

Oh, and Joe Jurevicius is a perfect pick for this list, so average, I couldn’t even think of his name . “You know, that tall guy, played wide receiver for the Browns I want to say? Fuck, thisis gonna bother me all night.”

Please tell me you guys just got together on Gchat, thought of 100 random players, put them into Excel and randomized them. Because that would be awesome, and I’m also pretty sure that’s exactly what you did.

Wow random vivid memory: being a in a hotel room on a family vacation and watching the steelers beat the oilers in houston (i think playoffs) and Bubby being interviewed after the game. Mid-interview you hear, “HEY BUBBY!” and half-full drink slams into the back of his thread. 10 year-old me absolutely lost my shit laughing.

“Hey Bubby!” became my families go-to warning anytime anyone was thrown anything for the next 20 years.

Bubby Brister deserves some credit for an interview he gave in which he was asked about a particularly bad stretch of games. He said he was so disappointed in himself that he tried to commit suicide, but the bullet was intercepted.
Because he’s making fun of suicidal despair, you see.

Not only was DeBerg beaten out by Joe Montana in two different decades; he was beaten out in two different non-consecutive decades (his last year starting full-time for the 49ers was 1979). He’s the Grover Cleveland of shitty QBs.

If it counts for anything, DeBerg was #98 on “The NFL’s 100 Toughest Players” video back in 1996, and I remember watching him as a Dolphin come back into a game with a busted-up face against the Giants when I was ten. That was pretty badass. Average, but badass.

My only issues are Namath and Dilfer they are two below average QB’s who won Super Bowls. Best thing Namath ever did was get drunk and give birth to the name of this website. I don’t want to go on a rant here but Stabler has not only a hall of fame liver but also hall of fame numbers why isn’t he in the hall of fame? If only he had tried to kiss Suzy

Because he openly bet on games and consorted with gamblers. He knows it; the NFL knows it; EVERYONE knows it. SI, in the pre-PK days when it’s reporters actaully did reporting, Paul Ximmerman did several articles about this.

. It might have flown if he got it in at the end of his career, but nobody including Stabler wants to open that can of worms now. Some of his games with the Oilers and Saints had some… unusual endings.

I still argue that Julius Jones is exceedingly average….looking at his stats, he only topped 1,000 yards rushing once (and just barely), he never had a season where he averaged less than 3.6 yards per carry. I’m not sure what the official average of rushing yards or YPC, but Jones finished his career with barely more than 5,000 yards and EXACTLY 4.0 yards per carry.

Can we see this as an annual feature? Feklahr and I debated over whether Andy Dalton or Alex Smith was the “Steast” of the week every week last season, so it’s certainly an idea with legs, I would think.

I swear that reading through that list brought back many great memories of plugging these guys in for a random week on my fantasy team and remembering when they actually scored a rare touchdown for me (and their career). Hell, Steve DeBerg allowed me to win my second fantasy Superbowl in 1990.

Most of your team has to be average, with back-ups below average. How many “stars” does it take to make a good team? Can you be successful with a team of all average players in the right system? How many times have we seen an average player in one system or technique be changed to a good player by changing places?

We’ve had the Namath “debate” before, so I won’t rehash it, but I find it interesting that the under 30 year old fantasy player crowd (no all, most aint care) can’t stop from saying how much he sucked.

Brown and O’Donnell are now living together on the Australia Island fragment of the artificial World Island community off Dubai, bought with the winnings from O’Donnell throwing Super Bowl XXX right to Brown.

I will exempt Tommy Kramer and Ahmad Rashad (to address your previous post, Gino) strictly on the Hail Mary alone. For those of you who may not have been football fans in 1980, the Hail Mary was the last second catch that Kramer made to Rashad over the Cleveland Browns that sent us to the playoffs. Only to get our asses unceremoniously beat by the Eagles.
I won’t forgive Ahmad (real name Bobby Moore) for his knob-slobbering interviews with Michael Jordan, though. That shit was…extemporaneous!

I’m sorry, but before his season ending injury in 2008 Nick Barnett was a SPECTACULAR linebacker. He’s second on the all-time list for tackles in Packer’s history for fuck’s sake. He’s definitely average now, but pre-injuries he was amazing

Ok, that’s some reporters opinion. Bear Bryant called Joe the ‘best athlete’ he ever coached … I don’t guess anybody would think much of what Joe did nowadays, including myself, but he was supposed to be a leader, so he had to live by the rules. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and it was to the greatest athlete I ever coached.â€ Bear speaking about Joe Namath, the star quarterback, being benched for an infraction before the 1963 final regular-season game against Miami and the Sugar Bowl. RTR

You could always replace Phillippi Sparks with Luke Petitgout so that the Thrashold team has an offensive tackle who was crappy enough for me to scream at the TV but not crappy enough to ride the pine.

As a bonus, thirteen-year-old me would stop writing emo poems about Sparks being on this list.

Aaron Brooks is terrible. He’s definitely my most-hated Saints player of all time.

Back when he was the QB for the Saints, I went to Wal-Mart and bought an Aaron Brooks jersey. The people in the store were like, “Hey, he’s cool, he’s a Saints fan,” “Who Dat!” and “I like Aaron Brooks.” What they didn’t know is that I took the jersey into my backyard, nailed it to the fence and proceeded to pee on it. I’d invite people over to watch the game on Sunday, and we’d all take turns peeing on the jersey when AB2 would throw a pick or fumble the ball and head to the sideline laughing.

Eventually, things devolved into throwing rotten oranges at the jersey, telling the jersey that Jake Delhomme should be the starting QB, or spitting out skunky beer at the jersey. Once, we found a dead lizard and put the lizard inside of the jersey with just his head sticking out. Even though that lizard was dead, we could tell that he developed a frown that day. When I left that place, I left the jersey hanging from the fence. I wonder if it’s still there…

Are you serious- you have Jim Harbaugh, Tony Banks and Jason Campbell in the same category as Joe Namath and Craig Morton. That’s asinine. Joe Willie was one of the best ever in college and pro’s until he got beat up. Craig Morton would have been in two super bowls if not for Vince Lombardi’s Packers (best ever)

Seriously, you put a punter and a kicker on this list? If you’re a punter/kicker, by definition, you’re average. And, anybody drafted in the first round, who ends up being thought of as average, qualifies as a bust.

Joe Namath had one of the best arms in NFL history and, before he tore his knees up, was an outstanding runner! A very talented athlete and quarterback! He was also the first quarterback to throw for 4000 yards in a season (in only 14 games and before the rules were changed to make it easier to throw for big yardage). By the way, this is an idiotic idea for a list. Most NFL players could be classified as “average”.