Game of Thrones Recap Episode 9, Season 4: Wildlings On The Wall

Not a whole lot happened this week. We spent the night up North with the Night’s Watch and the Wildings, watching them fight until dawn. By the morning, the game hadn’t exactly changed. Yet, at least.

After you-know-what, Sunday’s "The Watchers on the Wall" felt a bit anticlimactic. Usually, the penultimate episode of the season changes everything. (See: The Battle of the Blackwater and the Red Wedding.) Last night’s episode did deliver on the insane fight scene we’ve come to expect, but still something was missing. We lost a few favorite secondary characters, saw some giants, and watched a giant scythe swing across The Wall, but nothing in the, well, Game of Thrones has changed in such a jaw-dropping way like it has in the past, or even just in the episode before it.

This week there aren’t any winners or losers. Except for whoever created those giants. Give them all the Emmys.

The episode begins with Jon Snow and Samwell Tarly stuck doing stand-in-the-freezing-cold-wind duty. The two guys are talking about, what else, girls.

Samwell: "What was she like?"

Jon: "She, she had red hair."

Samwell: "Oh? How big were her feet?

Jon: "What do you want me to say?"

Samwell: "I want you to tell me what it was like to have someone, to be with someone, to love someone and have them love you back. We’re all going to die a lot sooner than I’d planned—you’re the closest I’ll ever get to knowing."

Poor Sam—we love you. We can’t protect you from the Wildlings though. Sam admits he never broke his vows by sleeping with Gilly. Plus, she never offered. So, what’s it like?

Jon: "It’s this person, this whole other person, you’re wrapped up in them. They’re wrapped up in you. For a little while, you’re more than just you...well, I don’t know! I’m not a bleeding poet!"

Thanks a lot, Shakespeare.

Somewhere further north, the Wildlings are having a campfire and doing campfire things: sharpening arrows, warg-ing an owl, talking about Tormund having sex with a bear named Sheila. Unfortunately, we don’t get to hear the rest of what must be an amazing story because Ygritte interrupts to remind us why the Wildlings hate the Night’s Watch so damn much—

Ygritte: "When they came up here, to our land, and put up a big wall and said it was theirs, and then they started hunting us down. This time we’re the ones doing the hunting."

Then she threatens anyone who tries to kill her ex-boyfriend...because she wants to be the one to kill him.

Hi, Mysterious Cloaked Figure! (Seriously, did anyone else see that? Or was that some George R.R. Martin-themed fever dream? Who/what was that watching the Wildlings??)

Back inside Castle Black, Samwell is in the library, reading about all of the terrible things the Wildlings do. All the terrible things he worries they did to Gilly. Maester Aemon catches him in the act and tells him, "Love is the death of duty." So get back to work, Samwell.

Outside, someone is begging to be let through the Night’s Watch gate. Guess who??

It’s Gilly!

She’s alive!

Yay!

Samwell apologizes for sending her away and promises not to do it again, to keep her safe.

Samwell: "From now on, wherever you go, I go too."

So romantic! For a second. And then it’s go-time. A horn blasts a warning call. The owl makes a weird sound. And there it is, as promised by Mance Rayder last season: "The biggest fire the North has ever seen."

The Night’s Watch go into a panic and begin defense prepping, which is probably something they should’ve already done. Better late than never, right? Probably not!

At the top of The Wall, Ser Alliser Thorne gives Jon the chance to say "I told you so," but, as usual, Jon’s too nice.

Alliser: "You can say it if you’d like—we should’ve sealed the tunnel while we had the chance. Like you suggested."

Jon: "It was a difficult decision either way, sir."

He explains his decision for ignoring Jon’s advice: you risk losing everything if you give in to the influences of others when you’re in control. This is true anytime except for RIGHT NOW BECAUSE LOOK AT THE FIRE.

Downstairs, Samwell hides Gilly and her baby in a meat locker? a room where she’ll be safe. She begs him to stay but his loyalty to the Night’s Watch refuses, "Because that’s what men do." Men also kiss, so Samwell kisses Gilly.

The Night’s Watch gets to a great start by messing up some orders and dropping a barrel. Sigh. Somehow they manage to stop a few on their way to The Wall with their fiery arrows. Even more yelling.

Tormund and a couple of those Thenn guys are climbing their way onto one of Castle Black’s bridges. Alliser, meanwhile, heads down from the top of the wall to rally the men below.

Alliser: "Brothers! A hundred generations have defended this castle. She’s never fallen before; she will not fall tonight. Those are Thenns at our walls—they eat the flesh of the men they kill. Do you want to fill the belly of a Thenn tonight? Tonight we fight. And when the sun rises, I promise you, Castle Black will stand! The Night’s Watch will stand! With me now! Now with me!

Lot of fighting. Swords. Punches. Blood. You know the deal.

Tormund makes it onto the bridge just as Samwell and Pyp haul ass outta there. Some other guys aren’t so lucky.

At the top of The Wall, Janos Slynt is having a nervous breakdown. You can’t deny that giants exist when there are two knocking at your door, Janos. Grenn, thinking quickly, tells him that Alliser needs him below and gets him out of the way.

Jon is in charge now. He orders more flaming arrows; more Wildlings go down. But that doesn’t stop them: the Wildlings begin climbing the wall, one ice pick at a time. A giant proves that giants are very good at arrows and knocks some shit down.

At Castle Black, Ground Floor, there’s more fighting. It’s bloody. I don’t have to tell you this. In the kitchen, someone gets a pot of boiling water to the face and then his skull bashed in by that same pot. Multi-purpose kitchenware.

Janos makes it down from The Wall and quickly joins his brothers runs away like a coward. Janos sneaks into Gilly’s hiding place. Janos is the worst.

Poor Pyp takes an arrow through the throat, courtesy of Ygritte. We hardly knew ye, Pyp. But at least you made it onto the GoT wiki. That’s something.

On Jon’s orders, the Night’s Watch-ers at the top of The Wall drop some heavy-looking, body-crushing barrels onto the Wildlings below. That, however, isn’t enough to stop the two badass giants below. The two badass giants are working together with their badass giant woolly mammoth to ripe off the outer gate. Giant things working together! Jon orders Grenn to gather five men, go downstairs, and protect the inner gate. But Grenn isn’t a giant, so good luck. Every show needs more giants.

Downstairs, it’s Alliser v. Tormund. The winner: Tormund, I guess. Alliser is bleeding and falls off a ledge, but he’s still alive when he’s dragged away by his own men. Or at least, I think those were his men.

Samwell kills a Thenn. Hurray!

Jon & Co. drop some barrels o’ fire on the giants below and the woolly mammoth gets the hell out of there. Giant A chases the animal down but gets taken out by an arrow. Giant B lets out a really sad growl-y sound like a momma bear whose cub is hurt. Then Giant B goes apeshit—he starts lifting the gate by hand like it’s just your bedroom window that got a little stuck because it’s really humid outside even though it’s not even summer yet WTF.

Jon leaves Eddison Tollett, who is very logical, in charge.

Eddison: "Might as well enjoy our last night, right boys? Light the fuckers up!"

More flame-tipped arrows.

Down at the inner gate, Grenn and some HBO extras bravely face Giant B who breaks through. See ya later never again, guys.

Jon and Samwell head back down to the Caste Black battleground. The theme song plays. More fighting, etc. etc. Samwell frees Jon’s direwolf Ghost who gets straight to work biting people’s faces off.

Jon fights Styr and that’s when she sees him. Ygritte! Before Jon can celebrate his victory by hammer in the Styr’s skull, he sees her too. She’s pointing at arrow at him. He can’t help but smile. She can’t help it either, but she tries to hide it. Her lips trembling.

Oh, what’s that? You thought George R.R. Martin would grant you a sweet little reunion here? Maybe even a kiss? YOU KNOW NOTHING, JON SNOW.

She gets an arrow through her back, courtesy of a well-meaning Olly. They’re both stunned. Jon rushes to Ygritte’s side. He holds up her limp body.

Ygritte: "Jon Snow."

Jon: "Don’t talk."

Ygritte: "Do you remember that cave? We should’ve stayed in that cave."

Jon: "We’ll go back there."

Ygritte: "You know nothing, Jon Snow."

I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE CAVE. Jon cradles her dead body in his arms. It’s heartbreaking; an eight on a scale of one to The Fault In Our Stars. Jon really did love her. He would’ve stayed with her forever if he could, but he’s half-Stark, which means he has to do the right thing no matter how much the right thing sucks. Even though she tried to kill him, even though she was trying to kill him again just now, he’s happy to see her. And he’s devastated to see her go. All the feels!

Up at the top of The Wall, Eddison drops the giant scythe, which slices off any climbing Wildlings. Finally, the Wildling Army retreats.

Eddison: "They’ve had enough for one night."

Everyone else: "Yay!"

Eddison: "Don’t cheer too loud. They still outnumber us, one thousand to one."

Downstairs, Tormund is the only Wildling standing. A brokenhearted Jon orders he be taken prisoner and questioned.

Tormund: "I should’ve thrown you from the top of the wall, boy!"

Jon: "Ay. You should’ve."

The next morning, Samwell is excited about their "great victory," but Jon knows better. This was just a test. Mance was testing their defenses. Plus, there are a lot more men, a lot more mammoths, a lot more giants where that came from. The Night’s Watch could only last another day or two.

And that’s why Jon is leaving. He’s going to find Mance and kill him no matter the cost. Mance is the only thing that holds the Wildling army together. Without him, they’re just a bunch of warring tribes who can’t work together.

Samwell tries to talk him out of it and lists the terrible ways they’d kill him before he even got to Mance. Jon doesn’t change his mind. The two friends walk to the inner gate where they find the slain bodies of the giant, Grenn, and the five other Night’s Watchmen. RIP, Grenn. He was always our favorite.

Jon hands Samwell his sword Longclaw—the sword he promised Jeor Mormont he’d never lose—in case he doesn’t make it back. The outer gate rises and off Jon goes into Wildling World.

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