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Peace. Tranquility. Insanity.

50 Startling Epitaphs in the Bonnywood Manor Graveyard

Note: I’ve already shared this one a few times before, but after the heaviness of yesterday’s post, I though a bit of levity and frivolity was in order. So, naturally, my mind turned to thoughts of death, because my mind doesn’t quite work right. Enjoy.

1. “The wi-fi really sucks in here.”

2. “I didn’t realize you were THAT invested in getting my Adele tickets.”

3. “Guess I didn’t need to save those vacation days after all.”

4. “Well, at least I won’t have to put up with any more psycho-drama at Thanksgiving family reunions.”

5. “Anybody up for a beer run?”

6. “About that eating raw fish thing…”

7. “Um, I’m not sure who you need to tell, but that guy two plots over isn’t there anymore.”

8. “When they said ‘no parking on the dance floor’, I guess they really meant it.”

9. “Mama said there’d be days like this.”

10. “I am away from my computer right now.”

11. “Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.”

12. “BRB. LOL.”

13. “Can I bum a cigarette?”

14. “Red really does mean stop.”

15. “It hurts when you stick the flowers in the ground.”

16. “Who in the world thought I wanted pink satin in here?”

17. “I think I left the iron on. Could you check on that?”

18. “Don’t pick door number three. Trust me.”

19. “Anne Rice got a few things wrong.”

20. “Vodka and a game of Twister. Enough said.”

21. “Should have gone with the cash option on that lottery ticket.”

22. “My son stepped on a crack…”

23. “Most accidents really do occur in the home.”

24. “Damn waterbed.”

25. “Oh, what a relief it is.”

26. “I told you I didn’t need the extended warranty.”

27. “Gas bubble, my ass.”

28. “Disappointed in my will, were you? Good.”

29. “Does my butt look big in this?”

30. “Searching for signal.”

31. “Flew like an eagle. To the sea.”

32. “I guess you found out that I lied about working late that night.”

33. “Pop Rocks kill. (Hey, Mikey.)”

34. “The number you have reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

35. “I knew you’d show up sooner or later.”

36. “Why did you put all that crap in my casket? This is not a piñata.”

38. “Did you really think that was an appropriate outfit to wear at my funeral? Girl, please.”

39. “But I still have crops to harvest in Farmville!”

40. “Does this come with fries?”

41. “Looks like that one child can start to carry on, carry on.”

42. “Douglas Adams was right. It’s 42.”

43. “Cuidado! Piso mojado.”

44. “Where are my pants?”

45. “One million two hundred seventy thousand beers on the wall…”

46. “Room for rent. Inquire within.”

47. “And yet they let Rush Limbaugh keep living.”

48. “Yes, I ordered the pizza. There’s some money in the flower pot on the right.”

49. “Hey! What’s down THAT road?”

50. “Better luck next time.”

Previously published in “The Sound and the Fury” and “Bonnywood Manor”.

Story behind the story: Many moons ago, my bestie Tiffany and I ingested a few Reese’s dark-chocolate peanut butter cups whilst sitting in the workplace and waiting for some type of validation in our lives. Sugar-levels elevated, loopiness ensued, and we envisioned interesting headstones one might encounter in a cemetery. The list has changed over the years (humor definitely has a shelf life), and the above is the latest incarnation.

Second story behind the story: I didn’t change anything this time. We spent the entire day shopping and therefore dealing with too many aspects of humanity. Plus, if you’ve been following the latest posts, I have temporary crowns on both sides of my mouth and cannot chew anything with a consistency stronger than air. So, I’m just going to shove this one out, sans editing, and call it good.

Story behind the photo: This is yet another shot from our excursion to the Alcazaba de Malaga. I like how it appears to be religious, but isn’t necessarily so, and therefore encompasses all forms of beliefs of those who rest peacefully (hopefully) in our digital cemetery at Bonnywood.

Personally, I don’t want anything permanently engraved on my headstone. I want a video monitor instead, one that I can manipulate from the After World based on current events. Twitter from the Tomb, if you will…

Yes, this piece is a bit morbid, but it was still fun, as evidenced by your delightful contribution with No 51. Death is not a happy or pleasant thing, but we shouldn’t be afraid of it, and I personally hope that I’m still scribbling my absurd what-nots up to the point of my transition…

These did make me chuckle Brian and I think you should go with: ” “I think I left the iron on. Could you check on that?”
For me the best one of these was from Spike Milligan who had “I told you I was ill” as his epitaph xx

I’be been thinking of doing a follow up post on this, as I’ve received quite a few excellent suggestions from the various times I’ve shared this one. Of course, this would require me to track down those other posts and gather the quotes and, yeah, that’s probably why I’ve only been thinking and not doing… 😉