But, I adore the night. I always have. However, my sleep patterns are CAH-RAY-ZEEE this month.

To the point, where even I'm starting to wonder. Last night, I started feeling unusually sleepy around ten. So, I did what most normal people would do, and went right to bed. Only, I woke up after midnight feeling full of energy and unable to fall back asleep.

And here I am...

Awake.

Many people ask me what I do at such hours.

I read. I listen to music. I pray. I watch movies. I hang out with the fluffies. I write. I take bubble baths. I do crazy things like - decide to try out that spray tanner I've had for months, and spray down my left leg - only to wake up with a scary, speckled, orange thigh that will last me 5 days.

It all brings me peace (okay, minus the orange thigh). And it's the best time for me to sort things out.

Reflect and process.

Indulge.

Like tonight, with a cup of dark hot chocolate and a way-too-good-to-not-eat-the-whole-bar-Utah truffle.

See, I know I can't be a super cool vampire every single night of the week. I also know it felt super awesome to fall asleep with Steve this weekend and sleep through the night. I know with some of the happenings of this month and the loss of my Nani - things have been a little out of sorts.

And it's okay. That's life. We roll with the punches. We take that time to deal and heal. It's so important.

But just as important, soon - it's time to start focusing in on things.

This past month has been a whirlwind of emotions. That - I am used to.

But I miss my husband this month. I know we're lucky to see each other every day. And spend time together. Heck, I can't even remember a fight or bickering session we've had recently. (Except the other night, when the last words I said to him were, "You're a turd!" before he went to bed.)

Still...

We need to relax together.

We need to be us together.

We deserve to be.

And to take that time.

Then, comes more baby steps.

<3

"I wanna be stronger than we've ever been."

***

I never did mention any of my resolutions for the new year. I think because I don't really have any.

That sounds kinda wimpy, huh?!

You know though, last night as I was finishing up cleaning...one of the office's pictures caught my eye.

Balance - to bring into harmony the things that matter most in life.

And I realized - that despite my recent blahh days, and all the times I'm too hard on myself...

I'm doing just fine.

And if there's one thing you can never spend too much time on -

It's working on keeping all the good love in your life right where it should be...

Close to you.

(Wonderful dinner and times with Kelly and Kurt this weekend!)

***

* work on sleep - check

* balancing love is key - check

* concentrate extra love on the Mr and I - almost check

Let's be completely honest here...

This zombie needs some major sexy vibes sent her way.

It's hard to feel sexy when you haven't shaved your legs in a week. When you go to bed with toothpaste on your zits to dry em' out. And when the month has tried its best to kick your booty...

it can leave you feelin' a bit yucky.

So, when I picked up the sushi last night, I made sure to pick up the newest addition of Cosmo.

Um, Can you believe that's Dakota Fanning?! The little girl from I Am Sam?! (Go Dakota!)

(Gotta love the cover story titles!! My favorite-the one covering her bent arm.)

27 comments:

Balance. Yes. I could use some of that myself! I love that you shave at least once a week! Now the sleep thing... You could look at it two ways... you could try to change it now or just go with it and when you have a newborn baby you can adjust it then. Being able to be up late might come in handy! Then you and baby can flip your days and nights back together!

This post had me cracking up since it's all over the place. ;) I hope you get a normal sleep schedule soon...it's the worst when you're back and forth like that. Glad you're able to entertain yourself ;)I love that song, btw!

I soooo needed a "Maria" post today. That last picture of Twinkie has me HYSTERICAL!!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! Seriously so funny! I know this month has been so hard on your entire family. It's sad how one's passing can cause so many emotions to come out. I know what u mean, my sexay meter has been stuck at zero alll week. And I'm pretty sure after my husband sees my scary post yesterday, that ain't gonna help! Hahahahahahahaha! I almost posted my 2012 resolutions yesterday. How crazy is that? Lol! I know things are all over the place right now, but I can see your focus coming and know you are going to have a great February, full of love and great things. I'm thinking ab u!!!

Your and your family have truly been through the ringer this month, and I am wishing, hoping and praying that 2012 gets better! I mean, it has to, what with the Patriots (ahem, Giants, wink wink) being in the Superbowl, and a little trip to a little city known as BOSTON =) =) =) By the way, your hair IS amazing, I knew it! Case in point: your picture with Steve...

And OOOOOH girl, do I know about those unshaved legs and toothpaste-faced nights! Good for you on picking up that Cosmo to bring your sexy back! :) I have to laugh as I write this as 1:19 in the afternoon while wearing Adidias pants and a REALLY oversized sweatshirt. You'll have to share your secrets! (And... Dakota Fanning makes me feel extremely old at 26...)

I hope your vampire-ness allows you to get the rest you need. Enjoy your lovey time with Steve! :)

LOVE it girl!!! You take the next few weeks to focus on you and the hubby or how ever long you need. And then move to the next step. I have to say that you did a good job of making your beautiful self look CRAZY in the 2nd pic. Love the last pic of the kitty. Cracks me up. Love the blog post as usual.

i could do without the sushi, but excellent vibes over the cosmo. Do work on the sleep thing, how can you be my date night babysitter if your vampiring it up. vampires+babies= not goodtell steve i said hello, maybe next time we see each other i wont be leaving since thats been the trend our last 2 sightings. :)

I hope you get back to a regular sleep schedule soon! I hear ya on the shaving the legs. It's such a rare occurrence that Brandon always notices and makes a big deal. Haha! I haven't read a cosmo in forever but the headlines always crack me up on the cover.

Aren't those UTAH Truffles THE BEST!!! I adored the orange flavour so much I kept the wrapper hahahaOh Maria, let's be zombies together,I too am somewhat nocturnal. I love the nightime serenity but dislike the daytime tiredness!!Shaving your legs is such a chore, is it not? I hope that February brings you so much happiness!!! (and sleep).X's & O's

You had me cracking up. Zombie Maria- lol! I hope you get some sleep soon hun. I am personally going on a few hours this week because both kids were sick. Shaving my legs- um, when was that? I am in trouble-lol! Wishing you nothing but love this month!

This morning I shaved my knees... literally. I had hopes to wear a skirt and boots. So why didn't I just shave my entire leg? Who the hecks knows. One doesn't need shaved legs for sexy time. I hope you have any amazing time weekend. Shave your whole leg though ... it's less itchy.

I just love reading your post! Sounds like you are in an okay place now and ready to mOve on. You are incredibly strong. I don't know how you do it. And yes I am there with you on the not having freshly shaved legs. Kinda hard when I have 2 toddlers in there with me almost every day (the only way I can shower). Take care and get some sleep girl;)

My favorite line of your post today?? "I'm doing just fine."That is music to my ears!! I'm sorry that you're still having the crazy sleep whackyness. Just last night I went to bed at 11, and woke up at 2am. Vampire sisters for life.Ohhh do I understand what you mean about feeling non sexy. I wear sweat pants almost daily, rarely do my hair/makeup, rarely shave, and FORGET the pregnancy glow... I have zits and strange red patches on my face. Let's not forget this new tummy fuzz! I wish I could come fix myself up with you. I need it.

I notice your comments and posts time stamped at some crazy and think you must never sleep! Balance is a good resolution. Wishin' you a wonderful weekend with the hubs. And don't worry, I haven't shaved in a bit either. I am wearing pants so why bother? :)

I found your blog on Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope. I am very sorry for your loss. I too lost my baby, Lily Katherine, who was stillborn at fullterm on March 16, 2010. Although I wish nobody else had to know this pain, it's good to know I'm not alone and there are people who "get it." I'd love to have you follow along on my blog as well: www.roseandherlily.blogspot.com

Um....I AM THE 25th COMMENTOR!?!! Hot damn, I've got to step up my game! Gosh, I really hate being a gorilla--I'm so hairy everywhere! My poor hubby!! I'd like to have my body lasered! I just shaved for the first time in weeks today...just trying to find my sexy. Not sure I ever had it...a goofy girl like me should be on Sesame Street. Which is NOT sexy at all!! Thanks for the "holla"! The pic of the truffle and cocoa warmed my heart and made my day. Thinking of you and your cat censoring, Taco VampireHead! Love ya and XOXO.

Hi All! My name is Maria. I'm 33 years old and live in Pennsylvania with my husband and daughter, Piper. I've found throughout the years that life is truly unpredictable...you've got to roll with the punches, live your life and love your life no matter what tries to stand in your way. I'm learning new lessons every day and am thankful for all I have been given.
Email @ www.muffinmarino918@gmail.com