Wednesday, August 18, 2010

There's a park on the waterfront appropriately named Adventure Playground. It's a place where kids can pound nails, build forts and let their imaginations run wild. This playground is a challenge for my inner helicopter parent. In my less generous moments, I call it "Tetanus Park". Really, let the boys play with tools and nails?! Climb structures only God knows will stand?! But it is an adventure ... and a glorious adventure at that!

Posing with Fab Four painted on the side of a boat

An old piano sits outside for play

So many things to climb...

... and play

Projects to build

Walls to paint

Little hands learning (with mama close by!)

Letting the Wild Things out!

It's a happy place for my busy boys

“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.”

Sunday, August 15, 2010

As I move forward in time and emotion... away from the place I was in, I've taken to looking for the abundance in life and the bounty that is found in the simple things that bring me joy...

Tomatoes from my fathers garden

During a recent visit to my favorite thrift store, I found a few Pyrex bowls in the happy Friendship pattern that I just adore (really, this just made me squeal!)

At the thrift store, I also discovered my favorite books from childhood for less than $2 for the entire set! I'm looking forward to sharing them with my own little farmer boys :).

Ivan had some time off before he started his new job and it was just so incredibly wonderful beyond words to have him home and relaxed. We stayed close to home and did a few day trips around the Bay Area, but mostly a lot of time was spent horsing around with the boys

One day with the kids in good hands, we went for a long hike in beautiful Marin with our matching gorilla feet that make me giggle

... and of course, I can't forget the abundance that are you... my friends. Thank you for all of your kind comments and emails during the rocky time that we went through. I wept as you shared your experiences and I felt loved and cared for by your thoughts. I am truly rich in friends and love. I heard this song recently and it made me think how blessed I am for your friendships

Had a friend once upon a time who had a hunger to learnGood and bad was all she had and all she was concernedShe found out they were one and the sameThe truth don't need to have a name

She loved to share with the moon soon she shared with meThe adventure this life could beIf we just let ourselves be free

She gave me peace of mindLike a butterfly song to a rainbow shrineAnd today feels good, soul sister

We never answered too much we asked all the timeWhy it was always looking and what there was to findWe threw it all into the wind laughter sharingMe and my best friend

Her voice was fine and it eased my soulHer face was young but her eyes were oldAnd magic would unfold

She gave me peace of mindLike a butterfly song to a rainbow shrineAnd today feels good, soul sister

We worship the goddess of the EarthDaughter of life, mother of birthWe belong where the mystic is strongHumming a butterfly song

Monday, August 2, 2010

A new month always brings about fresh energy for me.... and August is no exception, for it's signaling a new time of hope.

Last month I had another surprise pregnancy and a not so surprising miscarriage. It's hard to know what to say about it all. I was blessed to see the smallest of heartbeats and then a day later, it passed. I felt knocked to the ground and I didn't know how to get up. It just didn't seem fair after all the drama with the ectopic pregnancy last year... I know that there's a reason for all of this, I just don't know what it is.

I've been spending my days running. I disappear for hours on the trails, by the water, on the streets trying to process it all, but the hurt, sadness and confusion that I am running from are never completely gone. Before the pregnancy, I honestly thought I could say that I was done having children, but then that heartbeat changed it all. At dinner one night, my lovely 3 year old Nico pointed to the 6th chair at the table and asked whose seat that was and I didn't know what to say.

I'm feeling ready to move on now. I have my three beautiful boys and a loving husband who fill me with such joy, I feel shameful for wallowing in sadness. Things have fallen off kilter in our home and I want to get back on the journey that I had envisioned for our family. My wonderful husband has had his challenges with his work and gratefully in a week, he'll be starting a new job.

So this week, this new month is a time of renewal. With Ivan home, we are setting the groundwork to get back where we want to be- as fully mindful parents. My family is so precious to me, I can't keep dwelling on the half empty glass... for it's not even half empty... it's filled with love.

Thanks for allowing me to share this with you. You are all such lovely, dear, treasured friends who assist and support me through so much of this journey of motherhood and I've truly missed you.