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This is horribly annoying: I’m compelled by three stories at the same time.

1.) Satan has apparently showed up at Fred Phelp’s private residence in Kansas and has burned down his garage. That’s just crazy! The Phelp’s are all screaming that it was arson, and I’m not too sure one could technically call Satan an Arsonist! The King of Flame, the Grand Poo-Bah of Charbroil, perhaps! But calling him an Arsonist?! Technically, that’s just wrong!

Face it: Jesus doesn’t like Red States. God the Father has not been kind to any of those Bible Thumpers in Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana or Texas. Even the Republicans in Iowa have been timid after the flooding they’ve had down there! But when you’ve coerced your family to show up at funerals for those who’ve died in Iraq and distributed signs that are screaming “GOD HATES FAGS!!” I just can’t help believe the Phelps’ unintentional “marshmallow roast” was inspired by Divine Intervention. Only in this case, Satan was simply the “Divine Tool” who carried it out!

2.) The latest rumor out there is from Bil Browning of the Bilerico Project who’s claiming that the proverbial cat is out of the bag: “Obama will announce Wednesday – Evan Bayh (R-IN) is my Veep“. This is also a nightmare for me because I happen to think Evan Bayh is really hot and I need time to Image Google Senator Bayh!

A little personal secret here: I have a very eclectic collection of personal “porn”. It doesn’t contain nude photos of anorexic chicky-chicky 20 year old boys where one could find more hair off a half a grape than on their paper-white chests. No, I’m a gay man – and I love men! Whether they’re wearing a nice pair of Chinos at a beach party or their standing next to the the future President Barack Obama… I’m there and I think that’s very sexy.

In the ninties – it was Bill and Al, and they were pretty hot. Al is still pretty hot! Bill? Hrmm… Maybe not so much. But Evan Bayh?!?! va va voom Baby..!! Who can turn down that dimple and that baby-face?!?!

Now close your eyes and think: “You’re laying back and he’s opened the door. He smiles and begins unlacing that neck-tie….he grins at you while his eyes crinkle and he slowly pops open that top collar button. He asks; “How are you?” while he sheds that dark jacket. And you get the first scent of his masculine hygene…Yes, he’s an aftershave man… You smile back at him and your hand reaches up to greet him as he sits on the sofa you’re laying on. You fingers touch the crisp, slightly starched feel of his shirt – he grins again and pops open another button…”

You see what I mean? “Fruit Fly Porn 101″!!

I’m still an “Al Gore Man”. Even though I’m not bitter, Tipper can just kiss my ass.

And finally,
3.) The screaming from the GOP as Congress wraps up and the lack of attention from that Liberal Media on who’s saying what!

Now that’s a dilemma! I need some sexy photos for my private porn collection to include Evan Bayh. There’s all that juicy-fun to talk about Fred Phelp’s charred hand-held Toro garden-tiller. Meanwhile, there’s also the fun that Michele Bachmann getting scorched (again) with Keith Olbermann’s Countdown winning Second Place on tonight’s episode of “Worst Person in the World”!

“A smattering of House Republicans are engaging in stunts on the House floor in a transparent political effort to manufacture headlines. Meanwhile, most of their Republican colleagues returned home burdened with trying to explain why they blocked efforts to combat high gas prices. ‡Republicans voted against expanding drilling in Alaska, ‡against promoting renewable energy, ‡against establishing the first new vehicle efficiency standards in 32 years, ‡against repealing taxpayer subsidies for major oil companies that are making record profits, ‡against cracking down on price gouging, and ‡against curbing excessive speculation in energy markets.

“For six years, Republicans controlled every branch of government and did nothing while America became more dependent on foreign sources of oil. House Republicans now want to dust off old proposals, rejected by Congress on a bipartisan basis as bad ideas, and claim they have put forward ‘solutions’.

“Democrats today are pro-actively offering short-term solutions to high costs at the pump, as well as a long-term strategy to break our dependence on foreign oil. It’s a shame Republicans are more interested in playing games than enacting real solutions.”

Now, at first blush – this statement looks like he’s telling more tall tales than John McCain while secretly meeting at a Klu Klux Klan rally! While the emphasis’ are all mine, including those really cool double-cross symbols that I found. Does the GOP pay attention to anything but themselves?! Talk about narcissism in politics! But, the more the GOP bitches at the Democratic Leadership in Congress, the more they’re getting their teeth kicked by by the facts!

Michele Bachmann
Minnesota has been embarrassed a lot in the past ten years or so. We elected that idiot Jesse Ventura…Then there was that really weird fluke when Norm Coleman’s dump-truck of a campaign ends up winning his election all because some airplane pilot was weirdly too sleepy to fly our beloved Paul Wellstone on up to Eveleth…

GASP!!: Does anybody remember when Norm Coleman, immediately after the Paul Wellstone funeral services promised to…be a 99% improvement over Paul Wellstone?! Norm Coleman’s promise to Wellstone’s KOA was obviously offered in exchange for a job. After seven years, the only job he accomplished was performing routine hand-jobs for the current President of the United States.

Embarrassing to believe the hype back then, I know. But then, there was Patty Whetterling who couldn’t hire a decent campaign manager to save her soul and we ended up with a boat load of political losers – with Michele Bachmann as the pathetic rotted-cherry on the top of our Political Shit Sundae:

Nice. The “Lobotomized One” gets only 2nd place tonight. (Mental note: Find a website on who’s been listed on Worst Person in the World more than Michele Bachmann, exempting Bill O’Reilly, Roger Ailes, Laura Ingraham, Rush Limbaugh and Karl Rove.) She blabs away that the Dems are so tight, that they block tax breaks for wind and solar power and here she’s caught (again) lying not only about the fact, but the omission that she herself voted to block tax breaks….for wind and solar power.

I’m fustrated at two Democrats in Minnesota right now: Al Franken and Elwyn Tinklenburg! Both of whom are proving that they can’t run a campaign any better than Patty Whetterling could. But I digress. It’s embarrassing enough that the New York Observer is saying that “Franken is looking like the Olllie North of 2008“.

The GOP is running out of Congress hoping nobody is paying attention to their record. It’ll probably work, but only because genetically — I’m a pessimist.

Boehner strong-armed his own conservative members to ensure a bill didn’t pass because he wanted to engage in today’s political theatrics. After killing a bill that would have addressed gas prices, House conservatives have decided they want to blow hot air in the dark.

Rep. Adam Putnam (R-FL) said, “This band of brothers here is staying late to make a point to the American people: We want to work.” His colleagues then chanted: “Work, work, work.” Putnam has quickly forgotten the conservatives’ record of leading the Do Nothing Congress in 2006. The 109th Congress met for fewer days than the infamous 80th Congress that Harry Truman reviled as “do nothing” in 1948:

“The 109th Congress vies for the title of the all-time worst Congress,” said Thomas Mann, a political analyst at the Brookings Institution and co-author of “The Broken Branch” with Ornstein. Mann’s indictment of the 109th includes these charges: “It spent little time in session, it failed to pass budget resolutions and appropriations bills, there was no serious oversight of the disaster in Iraq, there were no major substantive policy achievements, and corrupt members were forced from Congress.”

Rep. Tom Price (R-GA) finally brought the six-hour talk-a-thon to a conclusion today by leading the group in an a capella rendition of “God Bless America.”

Bachmann isn’t finished. In an unedited video she’s rushed on to YouTube that looks like it was shot with her gay husband Marcus holding the camera in one hand and masturbating with the other.

Bachmann looks like that busty woman with the bright red satin top that’s four sizes too small selling the language learning “Rosetta Stone” software. Bachmann acts like a drunk chick at a frat party while she goes giddy for the Mega-Beer Bust Night at Stub n Herbs. “Barack Obama is apparently a crazy man talking about deflated Bridgestones behind a cage-full of radials..!” How can you possibly be so giddy and laughing while spewing so many lies?!

All of this is just plain wrong. Bachmann can bitch about Obama’s ideas, can’t someone bitch at her about her own boss, Steny Hoyer’s memo on his website?

This money goes to Big Oil – flat out. Nobody bitches about it…Even Michele Bachmann doesn’t care about any of it. Those billions are my dollars and your dollars. Bachmann jiggles and giggles at Barack Obama while she proudly insists that we remain slaves to Big Oil.

Note: Not one single penny of the money in that list includes what you’re paying at the pump.

…And here’s Bachmann and her gay husband shooting a video of her laughing at Barack Obama…

Here’s Barack Obama’s reply to “The Lobotomized” in Minnesota’s 6th:

They know they’re lying …about my energy policy

They’re making fun of a step that every expert says…would absolutely reduce our oil consumption by 3 and 4 percent!

It’s like these guys take pride in being ignorant!!

Ya know?!

They think it’s funny…that they’re making fun of something … that is actually true!

They need to do their homework! ..Because this is serious business!

Instead of running ads about Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, they should go talk to some energy experts and actually make a difference!!

Fruit Fly’s Sticky Notes

If gay people were in charge of FEMA; all of those people in New Orleans would not only have bottled water, but they'd also have sun-screen and ponchos in three different colors!
-The Agenda with Joe Solmonese on XM Radio