Katy Perry Keeps Locks Of Other Celebs’ Hair In Her Purse Because Hi I’m Sorry, What?

Considering that Katy Perry is so weirdly obsessed with John Mayer‘s brain, have we ever thought about the fact that he might be obsessed with hers, too? And that he might have been removing little pieces of it to make it easier for him to study? Because that’s the only explanation I can really offer for why Katy would be collecting locks of hair from her famous peers and carrying them around with her.

At her iHeartRadio album release party yesterday, Katy was asked the very innocuous question of what she keeps in her purse. Probably the interviewer was just scrolling through cliche questions to ask celebrities, and at first it seemed like she was gonna get a normal response, because Katy was like, ‘Omg that’s so funny that normal people keep stuff in there, but I am very famous so I keep things I need in my handlers’ pockets. Kisses!’ I mean she didn’t really say that, but she did say that it’s normally empty. Buttttt before you get too bored, just know that it didn’t used to be. There used to be famous hair in it.

“The first time I was at the Grammys, I shared a dressing room with Miley Cyrusand Taylor Swift. I asked for a lock of hair from each.”

Pause. Whom did you ask? Them? Their management teams? And why did you want them? You were sharing a dressing room, so isn’t it fair to assume that you all three were the same level of famous? Who what where when why?

“I put little bows around them and put them in my empty purse and carried it around with me.”

WAIT SO YOU GOT THEM? You asked for the hair of two underage pop stars and you got it? WHAT? What if you’d been skilled in the art of voodoo? What if you are skilled in the arts of voodoo, and you have tiny little hair dolls of Taylor and Miley hanging in your witchcraft room? And you’re the reason that Miley lost control at the VMAs and twerked around like that? I blame you, Perry, and your celebrity hair collection.

“That was really creepy, but awesome. And that’s my secret. And I’m a freak.”

That sound you heard just now? I don’t know what it was, but it was not me disagreeing with you, Katy.