Let's try to stretch those editing skills

By ERNIE MAZZATENTAColumnist

Published: Friday, September 27, 2013 at 4:30 a.m.

Last Modified: Thursday, September 26, 2013 at 5:28 p.m.

In your early drafts of a lengthy piece of writing, edit to remove the most obvious flaws: misspellings; typographical errors; unnecessarily long introduction sections; rambling, off-the-subject paragraphs, etc.

In later drafts, including the “final” one, attend to the less obvious imperfections by putting into play more advanced editing techniques.

This column will acquaint you with four that can enhance brevity, build continuity and generate emphasis.

Delete dilute verbs

A dilute verb — as the term suggests — is a weak, watered-down form that consists of both an all-purpose verb and a noun. Because of its bulk, it will slow and may even frustrate some readers.

Example: “This new program provides (verb) a motivation (noun) for students to understand difficult mathematical problems.” In this example, the dilute verb form consists of three words: “provides a motivation.” A corrected version would begin: “This new program motivates ... .”

You may wonder if weeding out dilute verbs will save many words in the long run. It likely will — because a person who uses one dilute verb form probably uses such forms routinely. But replacing dilute verbs not only achieves brevity. The cumulative effect yields a fluid, easy-to-follow finished product.

Repeat key words

To inject continuity in a medium-length or long paragraph, don’t hesitate to repeat key words or phrases. Grammarians term this organizational aid “word echo.” Careful repetition strengthens sentence-to-sentence continuity and reminds the reader of the main theme of a paragraph, thus heading off possible ambiguity.

Language authority Richard Nordquist explains: “Repeating key words in a paragraph is an important technique for achieving cohesion. Used skillfully and selectively ... this technique can hold sentences together ... .”

In “The Brief Holt Handbook,” Kirszner and Mandell offer this example: “Mercury poisoning is a problem that has long been recognized. ‘Mad as a hatter’ refers to the condition prevalent among nineteenth-century workers who were exposed to mercury during the manufacturing of felt hats. ... In the 1950s and 1960s there were cases of mercury poisoning in Minamata, Japan.”

H.J. Tichy, a language professor and writing consultant to industry, warns, “Using an inexact synonym (in place of key words) may mislead readers. Even a more general or more specific term is undesirable when, as often happens, it confuses.”

For additional guidance, visit Google and enter “repetition of key words or phrases.”

Relocate for emphasis

This next guideline concerns a related aspect of using key words: location. Readability studies reveal that readers best remember words located at the beginning and end of a sentence. Those locations inherently provide emphasis. Since words at these two locations are recalled most often, determine if some of your sentences can’t be restructured to take advantage of this finding.

Poor placement of key words: “Third-shift employees must meet the 4 a.m. deadline for the daily production quota if they seek longer lunch breaks.” Improved version: “If third-shift employees seek longer lunch breaks, they must meet the daily production quota by the 4 a.m. deadline.”

Observe how the two new endings deliver impact beyond that of the original endings.

Link parallel elements

Parallel construction is still another method for achieving brevity and enhancing continuity within a sentence. It involves editing to cluster a series of related ideas or actions in consistent, grammatical order.

These items in a series could be parts of speech, phrases or clauses. Examples: “The physical exam involved sitting, standing and bending.” “Going to church, singing hymns and praying were part of the family’s Sunday routine.” “Louise’s outfit was colorful, trendy and completely inappropriate for the occasion.”

Now please take a pencil or go to your computer. Referring to the preceding information and examples, see if you can inject some form of parallelism in the statement below. Do not resume reading until you have finished.

Ineffective construction: “John finally hit a home run after watching two strikes go by; he tightened his belt and switched to a light bat.”

After editing, compare your rewritten version to this one. Parallel order: “After watching two strikes go by, tightening his belt and switching to a light bat, John finally hit a home run.”

Notice that this version contains three “ing” endings in quick, symmetrical order. Note, too, that relocating “home run” to the end of the sentence emphasizes this final, decisive action.

Did you make similar editing changes — or other changes to cluster parallel thoughts? If so, you now have a new organizational tool at your disposal. In view of the benefits, look for ways to edit for parallel development in a final draft.

For examples of parallelism in lists, headings and subheadings, see “Business Communication — Building Critical Skills” by Locker and Kaczmarek.

<p>In your early drafts of a lengthy piece of writing, edit to remove the most obvious flaws: misspellings; typographical errors; unnecessarily long introduction sections; rambling, off-the-subject paragraphs, etc.</p><p>In later drafts, including the “final” one, attend to the less obvious imperfections by putting into play more advanced editing techniques.</p><p>This column will acquaint you with four that can enhance brevity, build continuity and generate emphasis.</p><h3>Delete dilute verbs</h3>
<p>A dilute verb — as the term suggests — is a weak, watered-down form that consists of both an all-purpose verb and a noun. Because of its bulk, it will slow and may even frustrate some readers.</p><p>Example: “This new program provides (verb) a motivation (noun) for students to understand difficult mathematical problems.” In this example, the dilute verb form consists of three words: “provides a motivation.” A corrected version would begin: “This new program motivates ... .”</p><p>Here are other dilute verb forms that lengthen sentences: “Make a study” — change to “study.” “Gives a summary” — change to “summarizes.” “Brought to a conclusion” — change to “concluded.” The following sentences illustrate briefer, stronger conversions: “Adult learners study grammar and then composition.” “This analytical report summarizes earlier ones.” “The candidate concluded with a ringing endorsement of tax reform.”</p><p>You may wonder if weeding out dilute verbs will save many words in the long run. It likely will — because a person who uses one dilute verb form probably uses such forms routinely. But replacing dilute verbs not only achieves brevity. The cumulative effect yields a fluid, easy-to-follow finished product.</p><h3>Repeat key words</h3>
<p>To inject continuity in a medium-length or long paragraph, don't hesitate to repeat key words or phrases. Grammarians term this organizational aid “word echo.” Careful repetition strengthens sentence-to-sentence continuity and reminds the reader of the main theme of a paragraph, thus heading off possible ambiguity.</p><p>Language authority Richard Nordquist explains: “Repeating key words in a paragraph is an important technique for achieving cohesion. Used skillfully and selectively ... this technique can hold sentences together ... .”</p><p>In “The Brief Holt Handbook,” Kirszner and Mandell offer this example: “Mercury poisoning is a problem that has long been recognized. 'Mad as a hatter' refers to the condition prevalent among nineteenth-century workers who were exposed to mercury during the manufacturing of felt hats. ... In the 1950s and 1960s there were cases of mercury poisoning in Minamata, Japan.”</p><p>H.J. Tichy, a language professor and writing consultant to industry, warns, “Using an inexact synonym (in place of key words) may mislead readers. Even a more general or more specific term is undesirable when, as often happens, it confuses.”</p><p>For additional guidance, visit Google and enter “repetition of key words or phrases.”</p><h3>Relocate for emphasis</h3>
<p>This next guideline concerns a related aspect of using key words: location. Readability studies reveal that readers best remember words located at the beginning and end of a sentence. Those locations inherently provide emphasis. Since words at these two locations are recalled most often, determine if some of your sentences can't be restructured to take advantage of this finding.</p><p>Poor placement of key words: “All-star Johnnie Jergens finished dead last in the swim competition this month.” Improved version: “All-star Johnnie Jergens, competing in the swim competition this month, finished dead last.”</p><p>Poor placement of key words: “Third-shift employees must meet the 4 a.m. deadline for the daily production quota if they seek longer lunch breaks.” Improved version: “If third-shift employees seek longer lunch breaks, they must meet the daily production quota by the 4 a.m. deadline.”</p><p>Observe how the two new endings deliver impact beyond that of the original endings.</p><h3>Link parallel elements</h3>
<p>Parallel construction is still another method for achieving brevity and enhancing continuity within a sentence. It involves editing to cluster a series of related ideas or actions in consistent, grammatical order.</p><p>These items in a series could be parts of speech, phrases or clauses. Examples: “The physical exam involved sitting, standing and bending.” “Going to church, singing hymns and praying were part of the family's Sunday routine.” “Louise's outfit was colorful, trendy and completely inappropriate for the occasion.”</p><p>Now please take a pencil or go to your computer. Referring to the preceding information and examples, see if you can inject some form of parallelism in the statement below. Do not resume reading until you have finished.</p><p>Ineffective construction: “John finally hit a home run after watching two strikes go by; he tightened his belt and switched to a light bat.”</p><p>After editing, compare your rewritten version to this one. Parallel order: “After watching two strikes go by, tightening his belt and switching to a light bat, John finally hit a home run.”</p><p>Notice that this version contains three “ing” endings in quick, symmetrical order. Note, too, that relocating “home run” to the end of the sentence emphasizes this final, decisive action.</p><p>Did you make similar editing changes — or other changes to cluster parallel thoughts? If so, you now have a new organizational tool at your disposal. In view of the benefits, look for ways to edit for parallel development in a final draft.</p><p>For examples of parallelism in lists, headings and subheadings, see “Business Communication — Building Critical Skills” by Locker and Kaczmarek.</p>