What Am I Doing Wrong?

Today’s question comes from a follower who says, “I’ve tried all of your methods – I’m clear on what I want, I try to keep my vibration up and high, I’m visualizing my ideal partner, I’ve done my Shadow work. Yet my last two dates were the complete opposite of everything I want in a partner! I give up. What am I doing wrong?!”

First of all, I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time – I really hear and feel your frustration.

And I have to say it’s good for you to give up when you’re frustrated – that helps to put you more into a state of surrender – and hopefully acceptance, which leads to openness and allowing more love in.

Without knowing the details of your circumstances, there are a few things I’m hearing in the way you describe your problem that might be the source of your dissatisfaction.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Am I trying too hard? If you’re entire focus is on trying to do everything right to “make it happen”, that isn’t the vibration that will attract or allow your perfect love to materialize in your life.

Love is not a goal-oriented, succeed-or-fail kind of game. Love asks that you be receptive, allowing, vulnerable, open, and giving. If you have been trying to “get” a partner or “get something” from a partner, it will definitely backfire on you. Focus instead on how filled up you are with love that you want to find someone to share it with.

2. Am I doing my inner work from the level of my mind? Or am I connecting to the depth of my heart and soul? We can think that we are doing a good job at keeping our vibration lifted or visualizing our ideal partner, and yet we could be doing that with our conscious mind rather than coming from our deeper Essence.

Our conscious mind controls only about 10% of our experience – the rest is determined by our unconscious mind. In order to go deeper with your inner work, allow yourself to completely relax your conscious mind so that it slows down to the level of the unconscious. Engage your feelings and your body – this is the language your unconscious mind understands.

3. Do I feel complete with my Shadow work? Again, ask this question of your unconscious mind rather than your conscious, surface mind. You may have “understood” a lot about the origin of the Shadow beliefs that are running you, but you may not yet have cleared them out of your emotional or physical body.

Truth be told, we are never truly done with our Shadow work. There are always deeper and deeper levels to get to with it, and it naturally unfolds as we move through life – provided we are aware of our inner processes.

4. Am I demanding instantaneous gratification? The fact that you’ve been on two dates lately is great! Celebrate that you are putting yourself out there and taking risks, and attracting in some prospects – that means your attraction is working.

When you put energy out to attract a mate, your energy might pull in all kinds of people out there who are feeling drawn in by the energy. Then you use your discernment, your gut instinct, and your intuition to determine if the prospect is worth investigating further or not. This is usually a process and can take some time for most people, so allow yourself the time to attract the person that’s right for you.

Bear in mind that first dates seldom go well. Both people are nervous and don’t always come across as their best self, so see if you are making snap judgments. If you are, you may ask yourself what fear is behind those snap judgments? Get in touch with it and clear it out as best as you can. Allow yourself time, relax, and enjoy the process.

5. Am I demanding too much of myself? The bottom line is there is NEVER anything “wrong” with you or with what you’re doing. Life is a great experiment that we’re all trying to figure out, so give yourself a break. Have compassion for yourself and know that you are doing the best you can – and so is everyone else.

When we were little, it was our parents’ job to teach us the “rules”. These rules were important for our survival since there was so much we didn’t understand as little helpless children. And some rules were put in place to help our parents’ lives be a little easier too.

As we mature, it’s important to create our own rules for ourselves – the ones we truly want to live by and not because someone else demands something of us. So go ahead and experiment! That’s the only way you learn what’s right for you and what’s not. I bet as a result of those last two dates, you now have greater clarity on what you want or don’t want, so – bravo! You’re doing great!

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2 thoughts on “What Am I Doing Wrong?”

This is right on Nijole! It is at a deeper level and not at a conscious level. And the other thing too is we can’t see our own stuff. We are blind to it. That’s why it’s important to have someone else to work with. You are amazing with this work!
In my experience, the deeper I go, the better things attract in all areas of my life! It’s so amazing how this works!