Have you guys noticed all the young men with boobs these days? Some of those kids should do a little serious reading about how THC can mess with your hormones.

Nice thing about pot is that you don't worry about any of that unimportant stuff like work and health. At least as long as somebody else is footing the bill.

Both my kids went that route and it wasn't until they were in their twenties that we tightened the purse strings.

Did they howl and whine! Then, to show us what a horrible thing we'd done to them, they went and lived in drug houses for a while.

After they got tired of getting ripped off by their friends and not having anything worthwhile in their lives they straightened out and have done well for nearly ten years now. One owns a couple of acres out by the river and the other has made so much money that he took the summer off!

When they started to look serious about their lives then we started to help them again. But not until we'd seen some major progress.

We learned how to handle it in Alanon and Tough Love, did what they suggested and it worked.

The hard part is fearing that they'll go down the tubes when you don't prop them up. Some of them do.

Was going to lose them anyway to their bad attitudes and unpleasantness. Always in trouble. Always asking for a handout.

So the choice finally looked like having bums for kids, losing them to the drug world, or maybe they'd straighten out.

Very grateful mom who loves my kids. And they finally love me back. Took a while and some courage. . .

You need to love your son UNCONDITIONALLY. For God sakes, he's YOUR SON.

Kids will be kids. He's not that bad. Maybe he is doing things you don't want him to do. But, he will grow up. Even though he's in his early 20's he will start to be more mature in his mid to late 20's. I know. I raised three sons.

And, here's the hard part. My eldest son passed away this year on May 8. I miss him more than words can say. He was a good person, but he died from taking prescription drugs. He didn't overdose. He was taking the drugs the way they were prescribed to him. I found him dead at 6 a.m. on May 8. He was staying over my house because he wasn't feeling well. I checked on him at 3 a.m. and he was OK.

When I found him he wasn't breathing and appeared to have had a seizure. We gave him CPR and got his heart started again. The paramedics came and took him to the emergency room. He was put on life support. He never regained consciousness. He was pronounced brain dead at 5:45 p.m. and we took him off of life support.

My point is WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU UPSET ABOUT. You still have your son. Try to guide him and love him. He'll grow up. And, hopefully you two will have a long and happy life together. Stop being such an ass and start thanking God every day for sending your wonderful son to be here on this Earth with you. Remember....it's about UNCONDITIONAL love.

I've (DH was against it) let 2 of our daughter's friends (male) 21 and 22 stay as they had no where to go. They have made no effort to DO anything. I've asked one of them since July to take down a small 12 x 12 deck. There's only 13 boards. Just take them nails out and stack them. Still sitting there, 3 boards only done. Take the kudzu off the fence, mow the grass... nuttin... There isn't a nano bit of GUMPTION in either one of them. One of them had a job but lost it due to dating the boss's niece. But he hasn't tried to get anything else. He let the insurance lapse on his truck and has the excuse of not going far as he will get the car impounded for no insurance.

Our daughter is in college, going to school, working and having a life. So is her friend, (who we took in due to her parents chucking her out; and no good reason for that, good girl, honors, works her job) both girls are ex's of the guys.

Told them both last week, after finding out one of them missed the deadline for school, that they are on notice to either a) enroll in school or find a job. One kid's folks are done with him as he stole a bunch of $$$ from them for, get this, freaking video games; and the other's folks are kinda unable to help emotionally or financially. We have not asked them to contribute to the household $$ and we feed them. But I've never seen such unwillingness or inability to figure out how to feed themselves.

I grew up in the 50's and 60's. We mowed grass, shoveled snow, babysat; whatever it took to make some $$. My folks didn't give us an allowance. My DH grew up hungry and poor with an alky dad who didn't really keep jobs for a long time. Year here, 2 there etc. At 16 he left home and join MM and then went to Nam in 67-68 in Army. Got out, learned welding, hvac, cars, whatever. He can fix anything; doesn't matter what it is. Good with his hands, lol.

Kids these days don't know the business end of a hammer. Some are gear heads but most are puter geeks and are addicted to these games. Why? CUZ THEY FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES IN THE GAMES.. an alter ego; they can be ANYBODY... real life is too scary...

OP, perhaps you son could open a bmx repair/custom business or he could go to school to make his own evercrack game or whatever. Lead to him with that. These are his joys. If you can make your joy your job, life is sweet... I feel for you OP. But you've not done anything wrong. It is true society has a lot to do with it. Kids lean more toward their "tribe" than their family at this age. Sry rant is so long... ;-)

Quoting: Anonymous Coward 168100

from what i have seen over the last 10years is that once you get a job, any job, and they put down on what ever file the company uses that other comanys pay them for the info on said person, and if it shows you just work and arn't working to going to collage or are saving up for collage, or going to collage partime and working to cover the cost,[ i have met no one who can aford collage wile working unless they have a big grant or some one gave them cash],that you become just a "worker",over the last 10 years it mean nothing, if you are not able to show to the companys that you are goping to "become more",then you arn't wanted and most people are told your a loser slacker and it dose not matter how many jobs or work your rez shows, if you are not part of what the "corp world" thinks is right you fucked.worse thing that can happen to young people in todays wolrd is tp get the label of worker, the country only want colage grads and people in collage, even though there have never been enuff jobs, and now there are no jobs.the only thing worse then being a "worker", is joining the army.though at this point you'd get more out of joining the army,and if you look any of the middle class and lower class kids can normal only become workers and or join the army , so this has become a new class, never let your self be labeled a worker, you'll never go any where, this is the reasone these kids do nothing, why should they, the country dose not want them,you go to jail ,the army, mc'ds and that it.the country an't what it once was people.

Your son has a job and is getting educated, albeit slowly. He doesn't want to join the military because that would involve giving up weed, and a bunch of other things. He needs to take up public transportation. And you need to stop loaning him your and your wife's cars.No savings at 20, and no rent to pay either. Gee, could it be the weed taking all his cash?Biking and Everquest. You forgot that he is a 20 year old man. He wants to have sex with women too, so biking and Everquest aren't all he wants. It must be really difficult to bring a girl home to your hard-ass home.He can't read signs that say "no bicycles" at the skate park. Add that to the car accidents, and I think he needs a visit to the optometrist.Imagine that, a pot user getting caught with pot.

He was an overachiever, but now he's not. By the way, those Olympic heights aren't lifetime careers for some people. Deal with it and let it go.

I think he is leaving the intense education and performance stuff because you are so woven into those activities, and your behavior that you adore him only when he is achieving is sending messages that maybe he is not worth anything when he is not doing those things. Soo, that means that you have to love him just as much when he is a "loser" as when he was a hyper-achiever. And stop setting that bar so high that it paralyzes him to look at it because he is so far behind your expectations now.

He has to want to get into a rehab program for his weed habit.

He is also a separate human being, not your clone.

You have used painkillers before. Those are drugs. Legal, but still drugs. You probably drink your fair share of caffeine too. Don't ever say you are so perfect as to never use any substances to modify your life's experiences.You did what you wanted to do, going into the Army even. Once in, you got into Army work.You did what you wanted to do, going into college. You are still doing what you want to do, buying a house and making 6 figures at a job where you want to work.Never missed a day of work. That's sick. Still, you did what you wanted to do.

Now you have a son and you want him to do what you what you want. You probably have a vision of what he should be doing right about now, and probably aren't telling him about your ideas for his life. So you hate his life because he isn't doing what you fantasize he should be doing.

The problem here is that you need to wake up to reality and that his problems can't be solved by you snapping your fingers or manipulating him with expressions of disappointment. He needs to be inspired by a mentor. It is obvious that you are not his mentor. So introduce him to some high achievers you might know, but don't make an introduction like "this is my pot smoking son I was telling you about earlier". It could be your gossip about his problems is the thing destroying him.

My son:20 years oldPizza delivery/pizza cook job, he makes 8/hrEverquest(crack) addictionContinues to smoke weedRefuses to join militaryAttends Community College has 1 (ONE) class (they were "all full"..)wrecked every car he's driven (including 2 of mine & my wife's)No savings (even though he pays no room and board)All he wants to do is BMX bike at the skate park and play everquest.Multiple run ins with 5.0 over riding BIKE in SKATE park..also posession of 420 chargesHe WAS an Olympic class/candidate swimmer (multiple national reportable times, some USA records in 15-18 boys class)He started out high school with a 3.9 GPA as a freshman and had real possibility of scholarship in Ivy league or Academy school -threw that away of course.

Me:Totally squared away (NEVER used drugs- ever.)Left home at 18 joined ArmyServed 5 years Panama, El Salvador)as non-comBS University of California (I paid for it myself) 6 figures in bank, home will be paid for in 5 more yearsWorking same job for 16 years NEVER MIssed a DAY not one.

WTF would YOU do?

Quoting: 18E 802891

well you did not give him another option with such example of yourself.

Enki was the real engineer of the human race. He was the Sumerian god of science, engineering, magic, strategy, music, and lovemaking

My son:20 years oldPizza delivery/pizza cook job, he makes 8/hrEverquest(crack) addictionContinues to smoke weedRefuses to join militaryAttends Community College has 1 (ONE) class (they were "all full"..)wrecked every car he's driven (including 2 of mine & my wife's)No savings (even though he pays no room and board)All he wants to do is BMX bike at the skate park and play everquest.Multiple run ins with 5.0 over riding BIKE in SKATE park..also posession of 420 chargesHe WAS an Olympic class/candidate swimmer (multiple national reportable times, some USA records in 15-18 boys class)He started out high school with a 3.9 GPA as a freshman and had real possibility of scholarship in Ivy league or Academy school -threw that away of course.

Me:Totally squared away (NEVER used drugs- ever.)Left home at 18 joined ArmyServed 5 years Panama, El Salvador)as non-comBS University of California (I paid for it myself) 6 figures in bank, home will be paid for in 5 more yearsWorking same job for 16 years NEVER MIssed a DAY not one.

WTF would YOU do?

well you did not give him another option with such example of yourself.

Quoting: fërú.

na even if the op is reall, he dose not understand that all the older people who came after WWII lived the good life in america and it's over, been over sence the aleast the 90's, and maybe the late 80's in some places.jail, army or lower lvl workers are the only thing most normal americans have to look for and only then if you are better the most.most people will become homeless and go to jail for crimes because they are trying to live what ever life they have left, i have seen this all my life, alot of people lie about the truth and alot of rich people point at the poor classes and blaim them for everyhting wrong with america, and blah blah blah,but it has changed and i hope the older people who may be like th OP wake up cause there is no where for the normal people to go or nothing for them to do now.really i fail to see much hope at all for america unless your rich.

My son:20 years oldPizza delivery/pizza cook job, he makes 8/hrEverquest(crack) addictionContinues to smoke weedRefuses to join militaryAttends Community College has 1 (ONE) class (they were "all full"..)wrecked every car he's driven (including 2 of mine & my wife's)No savings (even though he pays no room and board)All he wants to do is BMX bike at the skate park and play everquest.Multiple run ins with 5.0 over riding BIKE in SKATE park..also posession of 420 chargesHe WAS an Olympic class/candidate swimmer (multiple national reportable times, some USA records in 15-18 boys class)He started out high school with a 3.9 GPA as a freshman and had real possibility of scholarship in Ivy league or Academy school -threw that away of course.

Me:Totally squared away (NEVER used drugs- ever.)Left home at 18 joined ArmyServed 5 years Panama, El Salvador)as non-comBS University of California (I paid for it myself) 6 figures in bank, home will be paid for in 5 more yearsWorking same job for 16 years NEVER MIssed a DAY not one.

WTF would YOU do?

Quoting: 18E 802891

Is he cute? If so, I'll take him. I'm rich. I can support him. I promise to send him home on holidays.

My son:20 years oldPizza delivery/pizza cook job, he makes 8/hrEverquest(crack) addictionContinues to smoke weedRefuses to join militaryAttends Community College has 1 (ONE) class (they were "all full"..)wrecked every car he's driven (including 2 of mine & my wife's)No savings (even though he pays no room and board)All he wants to do is BMX bike at the skate park and play everquest.Multiple run ins with 5.0 over riding BIKE in SKATE park..also posession of 420 chargesHe WAS an Olympic class/candidate swimmer (multiple national reportable times, some USA records in 15-18 boys class)He started out high school with a 3.9 GPA as a freshman and had real possibility of scholarship in Ivy league or Academy school -threw that away of course.

Me:Totally squared away (NEVER used drugs- ever.)Left home at 18 joined ArmyServed 5 years Panama, El Salvador)as non-comBS University of California (I paid for it myself) 6 figures in bank, home will be paid for in 5 more yearsWorking same job for 16 years NEVER MIssed a DAY not one.

WTF would YOU do?

Quoting: 18E 802891

he should slap you silly for talking about him in this way.

you wont even allow him to actually enjoy life huh?

must be nice to have a parents that would rather putt you into the system then have you enjoy life

but then again you joint the army at 18 lolyou probably dont even know what fun/life is.

some people would rather have friends and a fun life then a history in the army and 6 figures in the bank ;)

dont think the way you live is so awesome everyone should d it

love your son!

lol @ being proud of having had the same job for 16 years without missing a day. who is that good for other than your boss??

My son:20 years oldPizza delivery/pizza cook job, he makes 8/hrEverquest(crack) addictionContinues to smoke weedRefuses to join militaryAttends Community College has 1 (ONE) class (they were "all full"..)wrecked every car he's driven (including 2 of mine & my wife's)No savings (even though he pays no room and board)All he wants to do is BMX bike at the skate park and play everquest.Multiple run ins with 5.0 over riding BIKE in SKATE park..also posession of 420 chargesHe WAS an Olympic class/candidate swimmer (multiple national reportable times, some USA records in 15-18 boys class)He started out high school with a 3.9 GPA as a freshman and had real possibility of scholarship in Ivy league or Academy school -threw that away of course.

Me:Totally squared away (NEVER used drugs- ever.)Left home at 18 joined ArmyServed 5 years Panama, El Salvador)as non-comBS University of California (I paid for it myself) 6 figures in bank, home will be paid for in 5 more yearsWorking same job for 16 years NEVER MIssed a DAY not one.

WTF would YOU do?

well you did not give him another option with such example of yourself.

:tete:The best THINGS in life , Arnt things....."Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us." "Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." "One cannot make a slave of a free person, for a free person is free even in a prison."

You need to love your son UNCONDITIONALLY. For God sakes, he's YOUR SON.

Kids will be kids. He's not that bad. Maybe he is doing things you don't want him to do. But, he will grow up. Even though he's in his early 20's he will start to be more mature in his mid to late 20's. I know. I raised three sons.

Quoting: Anonymous Coward 810687

They are 20-something. They aren't kids anymore. It's this kind of attitude that has produced an entire generation of Mommy's boys.

must be nice to have a parents that would rather putt you into the system then have you enjoy life

some people would rather have friends and a fun life then a history in the army and 6 figures in the bank ;)

Quoting: Tommy

You and others like you here are such f'ing losers. You do realize you can have friends AND make an honest living without drugs? It's not one or the other. Enjoy blowing your life away in a puff of THC-induced smoke.

1 send your wife on a 2 week trip with her friends.2 buy 4 times two hours for the best looking hooker in the area.3. let him go crazy for 4 nights.4. tell him on the 5th night, that he has to pay all his other wife's or hookers he goes to for himself now.5 wish him good times.

My grandson is nearly identical to this young man. We set him up in community college, but he can't focus. Set him up with a plumber as apprentice, got fired for texting on the job. Then, got fired from every single job he ever had (8) for texting and slacking.

Finally, at age 20 I sent him to live wherever he can afford. Now he lives on the floor of a friend's house - no job, car repossessed, no money for drugs, credit shot, suspended license,rejected by all armed forces except the Army but he's too much of a chickenshit to join.

When we stopped the coddling, he started to grow up and not any sooner. He'll eventually find his path, but it's not gonna be sucking the teat of the folks who didn't slack.

Dad,I'm 20 years old. I have a job. Do you know how many don't have jobs? I have one. Does that mean anything? It doesn't pay what you think I should make, but I perform an important service, cooking for others, delivering their food.

It gives me money to do what I want. Do you know what I want, Dad? Do you care what I want?

I don't want to join the military. I think it's wrong to kill people because someone tells me to.

So I smoke a little, snort a little. I want to enjoy life and not think about all the problems, the wrongs, the injustice, the hypocrisy.

Sure I've been busted for drugs. I don't think the laws are fair, necessary, or even legal. Should I set out to change that? Would that embarrass a military man?

Do you see what the world is like? How long will it go on? Wouldn't you like to enjoy it while it lasts?

I don't save. Why should I give the bank my money, knowing they may steal it like they've stolen everything else they can get their hands on.

I took a class for you, Dad. Did you know it was for you? I don't want to go to college, don't want to join the military, don't want to have 6 figures in the bank. But I took the class. It was saying, I love you, in a way I can't verbalize.

I don't know yet what I want, but know clearly what I don't want. I'm 20 Dad. Only 20. Maybe some day I'll be as wise as you. Maybe I'll even make some of the choices you made, but until then, help me find myself.

I'm sorry about your cars. You know I'm sorry. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. But know this, Dad. I love you. And would love nothing more than having the love returned. Love,Your Son

Quoting: Anonymous Coward 791743

Stop whining, pay for your keep, respect the car, respect life. That is love, not sponging of your parents till you are ready to die of drugs.