How Do You Know His Feelings Are Real? Guys Reveal What They Do When They REALLY Like Someone

One of the nicest things about seeing family at Thanksgiving is that the people closest to you tend to hold nothing back. You never need to guess what they're really thinking. It’s not the same with guys. We’re tricky (or manipulative, if you want to get real about things). When you’re seeing a guy, or “talking” to a guy, as some of us say, how do you know if what you have is for real or not? I asked my friends what signs they give when their intentions are more than just casual.

“It involves lots of calling and texting, despite my best efforts not to. When I am so-so about a girl, I will let her take the initiative. When I’m into someone, I’m proposing dates, trying to pin her down for plans, confirming dates, etc. I can actually be a little intense about it, which has worked against me.”—Jacques, graphic designer, 28

“It takes time. I dunno. We’re talking grey areas here. Define for me what you mean by ‘really’. Really liking someone isn’t a stage; it’s not a position on a chessboard. It’s a process. How insane would it be if I was like, “I like her X amount, so on the 5th date I took her to this spot so I could tell her A, B and C.” I’ve really liked people who I’ve refused to have go to bed with until we were calling each other ‘girlfriend’ and ‘boyfriend’. I’ve really liked people I’ve gone to bed with almost immediately. I’ve really liked people I have refused to introduce to my parents. I’ve really liked people who I’ve brought out with mom and dad right away. There aren’t rules for this stuff, unless you’re boring or thoughtless or a robot.”—Terrence, 25, bartender/guitarist

“I get meek. I start asking her to make all the choices. It’s such a bad thing, but I can’t help it. I know I like someone when I say things like ‘Where do you want to eat? What movie would you like to see’? Normally, I just decide.”—Jonathan, 30, advertising exec

“I won’t be able to get her out of my mind. I know that’s not helpful for your article, but that’s the truth. Let me think how that manifests itself I guess I look for tons of excuses to run into her. Sounds borderline stalker. But if she hangs out with certain people, I’ll make an effort to run into them at a party or whatever.”—Michael, 21, student

“My wife knew I really liked her when I asked her to marry me, but before that I think it had to do with how I looked at dating. Before I met my wife it was all about me and what I could get. When I met her, it became about her wants and needs. She almost immediately caused me to be far less selfish.”—Arjun, 30, insurance

“For me it’s little things. I have such an insane schedule [he works in the emergency room] that there are just so few ways I can be a ‘good boyfriend’. I can’t plan trips. Dinners are iffy at best. So I find ways to show that I am thinking of a woman. Notes. Calls or texts when I have a free moment. It sounds self-involved, but I’m so busy that if I’m paying you attention at all, it means I like you. For example, now, this call took away a precious minutes from my day. I must really like you, John.”—Mark, 29, doctor

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