* Today, almost everyone stumbled through the door looking like they’d been hit by a truck. Seriously, people looked wrecked. I seemed the most bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and that’s usually a dangerous sign. Turns out last night was former NBC5 Traffic Wizard Nicole Trotter’s wedding. I’m guessing several of my coworkers were battling post-dance-floor fatigue. I assume my invitation got lost in the mail.

* Today we ran a story about the “Fat and Beautiful” pageant in Israel, where plus-sized women competed for a crown. Want to know who won? The thinnest girl. I’m serious. I find this distinctly hilarous. (Imagine the judges – “You’re beautiful, no matter your size! And now, the winner… the least obese of you!”)

* Did you hear Sarah Palin got punked on the phone? Some guy pretending to be French President Nicolas Sarkozy called her and invited her hunting. I’ve heard some of the tape. Palin’s brand of diplomacy appears to involve a lot of giggling. I’m sure she’d be much more serious with a real foreign leader.

* How would you react if you were taking your kid trick-or-treating to find a sign that said, “No handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters or kids of supporters”? Psychotic Detroit suburbanite Shirley Nagel played the Grinch on Halloween. When asked about children who were turned away empty-handed and crying, she said, “Oh well. Everybody has a choice.”

I hope some of those kids exercised their choice to egg her house. Don’t punish a kid because his parents don’t subscribe to your political worldview. Just make with the candy or go shove your head in an oven.

* Speaking of ovens, last night, some friends and I ventured to the Indian restaurant Klay Oven, near Merchandise Mart. I don’t understand Indian food. It’s an endless parade of boiled boot leather soaked in the most insane spices on Planet Earth. You may read my full review (and those of other Chicago restaurants) here.

* Also last night, I had a monster show at the iO Theater. Thanks for not coming, jerks. Now you have to wait 18 days until I perform again.

Because of my performance, I rolled in to work wearing a tie. Zoraida declared that I looked “sexy.” That is officially the first time that adjective has been applied to me. I will print this blog and put it in a time capsule so that I may remember it 25 years from now. I’m sure it will stand out as the high point in my conversations with women.

* Print this story to remind yourself how great your mom is, come next Mother’s day: 24-year-old Aurelia Gallardo beat her 4-year-old daughter, called her a “slut,” then threw her in front of a bus. Enjoy your special place in hell, Aurelia.

We ran a package with the boy’s grieving parents this morning. Totally heartbreaking. As the story ran, Zoraida started welling up. She fanned herself with her scripts to try to assuage the pain. As she regained her composure, I wondered if the audience would accept an emotional anchor. I thought of Walter Cronkite when Kennedy died. But I wonder in today’s cynical world if there is a place for an emotional news anchor… or if such a display would be mocked as weakness. Frankly, I’d be more disturbed if someone weren’t moved by a story like this. You just can’t fathom it.

* While you enjoy today’s incredible weather, I will be enjoying a consultation to have my wisdom teeth ripped from my skull. It’s something I’m looking forward to about as much as a trip to the dentist. (Appropriate, that.)

I enjoyed the 4:30 a.m newscast and anyone who didn’t obvioiusly doesn’t enjoy Halloween! There are so many bad things that go on in the world it’s nice to have a news day with some fun! Good Job!

As for people coming out to the IO Theatre – I did last year and even posted in one of your blogs that everyone should come out because it was a good show. I didn’t get even as much as a thank you from you! Maybe if you thanked those that came more would show up. (LOL)