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Ram Dass

A few years ago I watched the documentary “Fierce Grace,” about the legendary spiritual teacher Ram Dass. The documentary is an inspirational account of his life’s work centered on his recovery from a debilitating stroke. I have to be honest, that while I had known of Ram Dass, his work hadn’t really impacted me deeply in the way it had the generation prior. In many ways, I lived in a different world and his message hadn’t traveled there. But the documentary changed that.

For the next 12 months Ram Dass remained in my space. A quote here and there, a book given to me by a friend, a video on YouTube — it seemed that everywhere I looked I saw Ram Dass’ loving eyes staring back at me.

Soon it wasn’t just me, but also my wife, the kids and our friend and Shaolin monk, Wang Bo. Slowly one by one, we were all touched by his message of deep love and service toward others. And so we did what we do, and we sought him out. The next thing we knew we were on a plane to Maui to attend a week-long retreat and classes with the man who had spent the year attracting us.

We spent a beautiful week learning with Ram Dass. While his health has limited his speech and mobility, it hasn’t impacted his love, which literally glows around him. In many ways, he is more love than physical body. On the last day of the retreat Ram Dass held a mala ceremony in which he invited each of us to stand or kneel before him and a picture of his guru and receive a set of prayer beads and a blessing.

I knew from the emotion in the air that this would be a deeply moving experience. Having spent a childhood embarrassed by my sobbing mother, I didn’t want to cry as I watched my wife and children receive their mala, so I elected to go first. I slowly walked toward Ram Dass; we made a long connection through our eyes and I felt my heart warm with his love. I bent down, received my beads, and smiled at my new teacher. As I walked back to my seat I saw Wang Bo, who had elected to wait until the end, sitting in his chair crying, deeply touched by the love he shares with my children and the pride of seeing them share this moment with Ram Dass. I tried to hold back my own tears until we made eye contact, and then we sat there crying together.

I had come to Maui to experience the deep love of “the guru” I had heard Ram Dass talk about so many times. And now I had. But it wasn’t Ram Dass’ guru or any person or figure for that matter. This guru — my guru — was love. The love Ram Dass transmitted in his eyes, the love Wang Bo feels for my family, the love that united us and brought us together across the Pacific Ocean for this experience.

So many years ago, Ram Dass traveled around the world to find his guru and the answers he had been seeking. His account of those travels touched us all and laid the foundation for the new spirituality that swept through the West. Through his grace and beauty, he taught me that I don’t have to go anywhere — that the guru is in me, always, everywhere, and is available with a simple connection with my heart and the hearts of those I love.

“From the moment you came into the world of being , A ladder was placed before you that you might escape.” – Divani Shamsi Tabriz

Initially most people choose to meditate out of curiosity or to relieve psychological pain, increase pleasure, or enhance power. The goal of all these motives is to strengthen the ego. For as the ego gets more comfortable, happy, and powerful, its prison walls thicken. The ego’s motives do not allow examination of the ego itself, nor allow insight that the ego is your prison. These motives paradoxically contain the seeds of freedom, because they lead you to meditate more. Meditation makes you more calm and quiet, and in this new stillness other motives, deeper motives, arise for going further into meditation. As your meditation develops beyond the level of ego payoffs, the prison walls begin to crack.

You might think of these deeper motives in many ways:

to answer the question, “Who am I?”
to awaken cosmic consciousness
to see things just as they are
to rend the veils of illusion
to know God
to tune to the harmony of the universe
to gain more compassion
to reach a higher consciousness
to become liberated
to be born again
to know the truth which lies beyond dualism
to transcend the wheel of birth and death
to abandon desire
to be free

These motives all describe the same peak from different points at its base. They all express a single desire: to escape the prison of ego.

In the process of pursuing my own deeper motives, the ego neuroses that once preoccupied me, my obsessions with sexuality, achievement, love, and dependency, haven’t all gone away. What has gone is my preoccupation and my identification with them. Now they are merely quaint and fascinating, an interesting room or passing show rather than the huge mountains and crevasses and devastating potential disasters which once seemed to surround me on every side. Though I may get angry, I let go of the anger more quickly. And more important, I let go of the guilt connected with the anger. These feelings now simply arise and pass away, without my resisting or clinging to them. More and more I am just awareness.

The explanation is involvement without clinging. Not grabbing at anything. You may be attached to your lover: you say “my woman” or “my man.” There’s the clinging. It can be part of the flow of the moment to be with a man or woman, but if he or she disappears tomorrow, that’s a new moment. No clinging. Your life just lives itself.

You’re not sitting around saying, “How am I doing? Am I a failure in life? Am I a success?” You’re not judging. Your life is just a process unfolding.

I’m a Ram Dass. I do whatever it is I do. I see people, teach, and write my books. I eat, sleep, and travel, get tired and irritable, go to the bathroom, touch, and taste, and think. A continuous stream of events. A flow. I am involved with it all, yet I cling to none of it. It is what it is. No big deal.

The man in whom Tao
Acts without impediment
Does not bother with his own interests
And does not despise
Others who do.
He does not struggle to make money
And does not make a virtue of poverty.
He goes his way
Without relying on others
And does not pride himself
On walking alone
While he does not follow the crowd
He won’t complain of those who do.
Rank and reward
Make no appeal to him;
Disgrace and shame
Do not deter him.
He is not always looking
For right and wrong
Always deciding “Yes” or “No.”

Are you thinking or being THUNK? Silly question or eternal truth? According to Sandy Newbigging, my guest on It’s All About Relationships, it is our relationship with our minds that can be healthy or toxic.

Sandy Newbigging is the creator of the Mind Detox Method, a meditation teacher and author of several books including THUNK! How To Think Less For Serenity and Success, New Beginnings, and Heal The Cause. Yoga Magazine recently described him as being “one of the best meditation teachers around”. He runs courses and residential retreats internationally and trains Mind Detox Practitioners via his Academy. In 2012 he received the Federation of Holistic Therapists Tutor of the Year Award.

He declares: “The age of the guru is over.” Finding the inner guru (teacher) is preferable.” Movement in the body brings movement in the mind. Focus less on getting rid of the thoughts and learn how to befriend mind, self and emotions. Paradoxically it brings stillness. Meditation is dynamic and ever changing. It is helpful to tap into our conscious awareness in the here and now as taught by spiritual teachers such as Ram Dass and Eckhart Tolle. Sandy expresses that putting our moment to moment perception on whatever we are doing, whether it is household tasks or career activities can bring our desired peace. I discover that when I mindfully do the dishes for example, feeling the soapy water and see them become squeaky clean, I am less likely to feel as if my mind is like a sink overflowing with dirty pots, pans and utensils with stuck on food coating them.

Meditation is not what you think. You need not be sitting cross legged on a zafu in a serene monastery in order to be ‘doing it right’. In fact, my take on it is that if you are not able to meditate in the midst of a crowd then it really isn’t working.

“Meditation is a state of being that we already are. Learning how to rest back into what you are, when you are not trying to be something else. It is a must if someone wants to know themselves in this lifetime.”

One of the myths Sandy shared is that if you try to do so without guidance, you feel you are doing it wrong. He is “wanting to make it more mainstream, fun and enjoyable.”

He spoke about Harvard research, that indicates that people can spend up to 47% of their day lost in thought. He differentiates between thought and thinking. When we are ‘thinking’ we can get lost. At one point in his life he spent 16 hours a day immersed in meditation. Sandy observes that the present moment is ‘the holy grail’ of spiritual development. The reason we have a mind and thoughts and emotions is because we are aware of them. This part of the conversation felt as if it looped around and seemed like a zen koan. Even when we are thinking about the past or the future, we are doing it in the present moment.

Sandy deals with the human emotions that naturally arise within him by moving his attention away from thoughts and emotions and “rest back into that permanent part of yourself that is changeless.” Where I put my attention, matters massively,” Attention on inner presence of stillness is a key.

He began meditating in his 20’s after having the worldly success that nearly anyone could desire, including career, relationship, money and material goods. He based his sense of success on achievement and it began to ring hollow. “There must be more than this.” He was introduced to meditation, avoided it for a while since he had bought into the myths and then the bottom fell out and he dove into it with his whole heart and soul and as he added “I haven’t stopped since.”

His is a less rigorous form that allows for the possibility that sleep could occur. That was a relief for me. Laughing, he shared “You eventually wake up.” Let whatever happens, happen and suspend judgment.” We can observe it all until the Commentator engages in what he calls The Judgment Game in which the mind compartmentalizes things. We put our experiences into good-bad boxes. It is that resistance that hornswoggles us.

He uses the silly sounding term GAAWO- Gently Alert Attention Wide Open to describe a technique with which you gaze at an object, opening attention open up left, right, up and down; with the benefit that the mind becomes quiet. I noticed immediately a change occurring in my ever chattering mind that ‘thunks me’ far too often.

In his book. Heal The Cause, he expresses that “The body can self heal when it is given the chance to do so. Although it may feel like the body is against you, it is not true. The body is adapting in order to survive.” The mind and body are not distinct entities, but our thoughts impact the body. If this physical condition was an emotion what would it be? What was happening prior to the onset of the condition?” are questions that are asked.

All that we are and all that we need is within us. “We run around looking for a diamond necklace that is already hanging around our necks.”-Rumi

“It is only through an open heart that we will get to the heart of the matter.”

What if we are all, every one of us, joined by an “amazing web of consciousness?’ Would there be an ‘other’ or would we all simply be ‘us’? And if that is the case, what would happen to things like war, abuse, addiction, global chaos? Perhaps they would become obsolete. Unrealistic? Not in my mind, nor in the mind of Ramananda John Welshons who was my guest on It’s All About Relationships on Thursday May 30th. In our powerful from start to finish, conversation, we explored topics ranging from forgiveness, to empathy, from karma to parenting, from seeing the light in all creation to world events. I think of him as a ‘grounded mystic.’

RAMANANDA JOHN E. WELSHONS is a highly respected contemporary spiritual teacher who lectures and leads meditation courses throughout North America. He has practiced meditation and various forms of yoga since 1969, and is the author of three critically acclaimed books: One Soul, One Love, One Heart; Awakening from Grief; and When Prayers Aren’t Answered. He has traveled extensively in India and is a gifted counselor and teacher who – in addition to working closely with Ram Dass for more than forty years – has worked closely with Stephen and Ondrea Levine, and trained with Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

He sees relationships as powerful tools and declares “Finding our way into Oneness draws us back into relationships.” and affirms that “We all want to go back home.” He evidences this in one of my favorite stories about the experience he had in a contentious relationship with his father that he presented to his dear friend and mentor hoping for confirmation that he was right and his father was wrong.

In true to form fashion, Ram Dass reminded him that “All anger is anger at God,” and he went on to say “If I were God, I would have made the Universe better than this. Your father is the way God made him. If you get angry with him, that’s your problem.”

He suggested that indeed, his father was his guru. That became a pivotal point in John’s life and relationship with his father. He discovered that when dealing with difficult people in our lives, we have the choice to view that person as our spiritual teacher. They are there to show us the stuff in ourselves that is keeping us from living in love.

He laughed as he shared what Stephen Levine reminded him: “Our parents are really good at pushing our buttons, since they installed them.” That was a lesson John learned and at the end of his father’s life, in the midst of a barrage of verbal haranguing, he was able to step back and express love. His father’s reaction was to smile and offer love in return. He passed the next day. According to John, “He was the greatest teacher in this lifetime about what unconditional love could look like.”

He finds that forgiveness is “one of the great stumbling blocks” of human existence that has massive ramifications on all of our relationships. “Our tender emotional hearts get hardened.” He related that at age 12, in the midst of his parents’ alcoholism, as he prayed and wept he was aware that “If I was going to survive this, I would have to stop feeling.” Survive it he did and blessedly began to feel again and glean both meaning and healing from his experiences. “You can’t turn off the sadness without turning off the joy.” All feelings are needed. Our heart (or ‘heart cave’, as he framed it) is often blocked by the boulders of anger, pain and resentment. Once we move the boulders, we can access that love and joy and indeed the light that we are.

I was delighted to discover that the title of John’s book, One Soul, One Love, One Heart, was inspired by one of my favorite musicians Bob Marley and his song One Love. http://youtu.be/4xjPODksI08. I found myself singing along in my head at that point in the interview. He describes it as “The spiritual path and how it manifests in our relationships with ourselves and others.”

What it all comes to down to is this: “In the long run, the light always wins.”

This signature piece made famous by Etta James, was penned in 1941 by Mack Gordon and Harry Warren and could easily be the theme song for Rick Denzien and Debra Lee who collectively are Lyra Project. They will be my guests on It’s All About Relationships on February 21st, 2013. Being in their presence, one can feel the sometimes crackling with electricity, often playful and silly, alternating with ahhhh-serene flow energy. Such is the nature of their music as well. It seems as if the relationship itself is The Muse that follows them around throughout the day, whispering and, I imagine, often roaring in their individual and shared consciousness. Their home studio is a welcoming place, and it is where I recorded the intro and outro for the show and from where the theme song: Only You, was created. When I was considering the concept for the weekly show, Rick’s eyes lit up and he indicated that they had the perfect piece. I get goosebumps (which I call my ‘truth barometer’) each time I hear it.

They describe themselves as a couple who are “full-time musicians, songwriters and recording artists. Together they form a collaborative songwritig duo, Lyra Project, and have a new CD they call simply LP-1, with songs that create a sonic painting of romantic relationship at various stages.

LP-1 CD is a creative collaboration of songs that draw on the universal feelings all couples experience with each other in various stages of relationship. LP 1 songs result from an “energetic synergy” that express a wide range of emotions – from lust to heartbreak – the effect on listeners being uplifting, healing and empowering.

Rick and Debra draw on the personal experience of their many faceted and sometimes complicated relationship to create music.”

Complicated relationship. Hmmmm…I can relate to that concept, since I had one and still do, with my husband who ‘left the building’ a bit more that 14 years ago; as a result of Hepatitis C that ended his life in an ICU bed in Philadelphia. Michael and I created and published a magazine called Visions (1988-1998) which focused on holistic health, spirituality, transformation, as well as peace and social justice issues. It was where I forged my journalistic sensibilities and had the opportunity to interview movers and shakers in various fields and, truth be told, the experience planted the seeds that all these years later, have me on this side of the microphone, bringing the listening audience on Vivid Life Radio the folks who will be sharing their ideas and expertise about relationships. We met in 1986 in a series of cosmically coincidental events, during which I scheduled and then canceled a trip to Russia with other spiritual teachers and healers on a “Citizens’ Diplomacy Mission”, planned from October 12-25, so that Americans and Russians recognized our common heart instead of seeing ourselves as enemies. It was then that ‘the Voice’ came into my consciousness and clearly stated “You are not supposed to go to Russia, you are supposed to be in Philadelphia.” Huh? “But this is the trip of a lifetime. I will be spending my 26th birthday in the home-land of some of my ancestors.” and the Voice repeated. “But I don’t live in Philadelphia.” and the Voice repeated…and on it went, until I finally surrendered to the inevitability that it wasn’t about to let me go, so I let the trip go. On October 24 (the day before the trip was to end), I went to Philadelphia with friends to hear Ram Dass speak on the subject of Seva (Sanskrit for Selfless Service) and during the intermission, my artist/healer friend Ute Arnold approached me with a curly red haired and bearded man and said in her soft German accented voice “This is Michael Moser.” He held out his hand to shake mine. “He’s taking the workshop you’re giving in 2 weeks. It was called The Love Yourself Playshop and it was on the subject of self worth (the topic 14 years later of the debut show!) Had I gone to Russia, the workshop would have been about the trip and as such, Michael would not have attended, since it was off his radar. I greeted him, engaged in pleasantries and then trotted off to chat with other friends. When he told the story, he would say that his heart was pitter pattering and when I told the story, I said that it took two weeks for my heart to catch up. I was in a rather dysfunctional relationship at the time, that I was contemplating leaving, but not quite ready to take the leap.

Fast forward to the workshop setting in which we were sitting in a circle and I was talking about the importance of eye contact in communication and Michael, being a good student was perched in a chair, opposite me, leaning forward, blue eyes lasering in to mine. “Oh my,” I thought, sliding down in my own chair. Over the subsequent months, we spent more time together, deepening our relationship and on May 2, 1987 we were married, in a ceremony in Peace Valley Park in Doylestown, PA. The ritual was interfaith, hippie-esque with rainbow streamers on trees and on the pavillion where we had the reception. An interfaith minister friend officiated, friends serenaded us and unfortunately, the weather was a portent of things to come. It was chilly, damp, overcast, with gusty winds. Our guests wore winter coats over Spring clothes. My short sleeved, filmy gown and Michael’s white linen suit flapped in the breeze. Perusing the photo album, we and our family and friends laughed at the memories. What comes to me, from a distant perspective, is that just as we accomodated, adjusted and made the best of the conditions on that day, so too did we throughout our marriage that was filled with love and fraught with challenges; Michael’s health only one aspect. Since relationships are not 50/50, but rather, 100/100, with each person bringing all of themselves to the table, each is responsible for the creation or deterioration of the third entity of the relationship itself. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not talking about allowing for or excusing addictive or abusive behavior between the members of the couple. What I am saying is that in our interactions, Michael and I unpacked our history, attitudes, beliefs and actions; all that we knew how to do at the time. Sometimes it was healing, sometimes hurtful. I would often say that being in business together was the best and worst thing that happened to our marriage. I can look back at the younger people that we were back then who so wanted to love with all our hearts, who sometimes didn’t know how. It was that proverbial “If I knew then what I know now….” All these years later, I look at them with compassionate eyes. I know that is one of the reasons I am fascinated with how other couples make it work. It is also why I am eager to do this interview with Rick and Debra; partners in love and lyrics.

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My VividLife: South Africa

Shayne Traviss

Sometime's growth involves digging up the dirt and planting anew...
After over 20 years of marketing, promoting and producing others I've decided to open a new chapter in my life.
If you long to go higher, live a life 'all in' join me as I dive in deep sharing my life experiences, travels and inspirations for living a VividLife.

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About VividLife.me

Founded by Shayne Traviss formerly VividLife.me was an online resource for personal growth through over 10,000 blogs, audio conversations and videos, from thought leaders, best-selling authors and wellness experts from around the globe. VividLife.me provided engaging conversations on consciousness and human potential with Arianna Huffington, Jane Fonda and Alanis Morrissette, wisdom packed blogs from spiritual Icons Iyanla Vanzant and Ram Dass, Green Tips from David Suzuki’s Queen of Green, Advice from Award Winning Parenting and Relationships Experts, Recipes from Vegetarian, Vegan, Raw Chef’s and more… and reached and inspired over 3 million people around the globe.
However sometime's growth involves digging up the dirt and planting anew...
And after over 20 years of marketing, promoting and producing others Shayne Traviss decided to open a new chapter in his life.
If you long to go higher, live a life 'all in' join him as he dives in deep sharing his life experiences, travels and inspirations for living a VividLife.