Last Valentine’s Day I didn’t have a date and I had heard about this thing called intimacy workshops.

My curiousity was first aroused by a google pop up claiming that “hug therapists” in NYC made 80 dollars an hour hugging their clients. I thought that would be easy money for me.

I had a date with a man a week before and he suggested I go. I figured I must be seriously effed up if a date was recommending I do work on my intimacy skills, but I’m always up for improving my interpersonal skills.

So I happened upon the Snuggle Sanctuary and their special Valentine’s Day Hugfest!

There are very strict rules about snuggling. We were e-mailed beforehand not to wear strong fragrances and wear comfy clothing, like cuddly pajamas. I actually had to go out and buy some….but in truth my asexual comfy pj’s could not hide my big bounteous breasts. And I had to wear a bra under….because my nipples, my headlights, were showing through even before I began hugging anyone. We were told not to come drunk or high (lol). And we were informed there was a pre-workshop to get the rules and regs.

I got my pillow and blanket and I drove to a private house address via my google maps . I was actually having a hard time finding the address, I felt like a jerk walking up and down the street in my pajamas carrying my pillow and blankie with a down parka on top.

An older man saw me and told me he was going too. So he guided me to the proper place. I opened the door to pillows everywhere, lit candles, incense. Happy smiley people. Nice spread of snacks. No martinis there for me to loosen up. A couple owned this house and of course they were all cuddly on a pile of pillows as everyone arrived. Her hubby was hot, and she really didn’t seem open to share her man.

The strict rules were a turn off for me. May I touch your elbow? May I stroke you hair? May I rub your thigh? May I rub your back? May I spoon with you? At any time if a person said no, we had to stop.

I thought snuggling and cuddling was a natural kind of thing? I became increasingly frustrated as the night went on. I didn’t seem high up on the list of others wanting to cuddle me. I was the isle of lost toys reject. The older man I met outside and I wound up together and I basically held him like a child.

I was glad I did not have a penis because I think if being the big spoon, I might have gotten a big boner.

The things I DID like were, I definitely learned I was in control of my boundaries. I also liked there was no homophobia there, that everyone could cuddle equally if they wished.

I’m trying to think if this was the weirdest thing I ever did in my life. It might have been.

It also made me think a lot about the intermingling of sexuality and intimacy. I found that even in this situation I still had attraction to two men there.

Then I began to wonder about the opposite experience: an orgy. How would that be with intimacy stripped and only having my sexuality to work with? Would I do better in that setting?

And I still need work on asking for what I want or need. Why can’t some man just mind meld with me and know? I hate asking for help!

I think I bought a pint of ice cream on the way home...I guess I didn’t feel totally fulfilled but it gave me food for thought, if nothing else.

I like the word “snugglefuck” because it encompasses both worlds. I think it’s about integrating both inside me? But, I never experienced just the raw sex part. Cyberly yes, irl no.