A way too depressing and long blog about the future of America, feeling isolated, friendship strains, and Thanksgiving Drama to come *groan* ='(

OK. I've never blogged on ADISC before. I don't think this is going to get very far or that many people are interested in what I have to say, but damn it. I just have to vent and rant somewhere. So if you don't want to see or hear ranting, feel free to not read. I wouldn't blame you if you don't want to hear ranting, doom, gloom, and depression.

I will admit that I wasn't exactly in the best place for the past couple weeks. Felt very isolated, didn't really have anyone. Being a freelance writer/video editor/graphic designer is lonely, especially when everyone else out, busy, and moving away.

I felt it get a little better over the last weekend. Finally, didn't feel isolated for a couple days after getting out and hanging with a couple ABDL friends. I don't feel so down and isolated for approximately 48 hours.

And then Tuesday nights bombshell happened.

I don't want to talk about the ramifications about fascism rising in America, or my views on Führer Trump. If you've seen my political posts, you know damn well where I stand and what I think. This blog isn't about that.

But amongst all the stuff I feared and complained about that you can read in political posts I've written on ADISC, the whole thing made me feel even more isolated and has strained the few friendships I have.

Two good friends of mine got into a feud about the results of this (Both hate Trump and are devastated about this. Don't think this is about a feud between people happy Trump won and those devastated and against him). Both are really good friends of mine and I can list several times of the three of us hanging out and having a good time. Well, they got into a heated and ugly feud about what to do in the next 4 years (One is not political, didn't see it coming, and is protesting and fighting Trump tooth and nail, the other is advocating for brain drain and believes that Americans deserve the fascism to come and that they should've been political all along, and that it's too late to protest). Their friendship is over, and both are yelling at me to disavow and unfriend the other one. *Sigh* I was not expecting this. I do agree with both partially since both are half-right. So I'm still in good-standing with them. Just wish I didn't have to nod my head and go along with them badmouthing the other. We're supposed to be on the same team!! We're all supposed to be on Team "Fuck Donald Trump". I don't want this. Really hope this is temporary and they get over this, forgive one another and this can be over. =(

And yeah. I will admit that I had people unfriend me on Facebook after I posted "FUCK AMERICA!", "I'm ashamed to be American", and most of all, some Facebook friends got livid over me saying "Someone hand me an American Flag and a fucking lighter!". Most of those are just acquaintances, old co-workers, and "friends" I made while traveling across the country, where we were good friends for a night, Facebook friended each other, and then lost contact. But I really don't care about them yelling at me and calling me unpatriotic swine for advocating flag burning and being ashamed to be American. Fuck em and good riddance. (Sorry, if you're wondering why I'm moderating comments, it's just in case someone on ADISC tries playing the "Unpatriotic Swine" card. Not going to tolerate that). And yeah. I'm ashamed to be American. And not just saying that in the heat of the moment. The way I feel about being an American right now is extremely similar to how I felt about being an ABDL 8 years ago. I've always had issues with self-esteem, and especially when it comes to "A Words". Well, it's official. "American" is the new A-Word. I've never been a patriotic person, but my disdain for America now could rival that of your average Iranian.

So yeah. It's one thing to have former Facebook friends and acquaintances now hating you due to your Anti-American posts. But when that person is family who you're going to see at Thanksgiving, you're in trouble. My cousin, whom I haven't seen in 3 years, we have essentially nothing in common, and is part of the Army, also joined in on that rage of everything I posted. We may not have anything in common, but we've always gotten along before. We were always on good terms. But those terms pretty much ended once the Anti-American rhetoric came out on Facebook. I was always worried that outing myself as LGBT or an atheist would be what caused drama between the extended family since I'm not sure if they reformed, they might've, but in the past at least, they pulled the "Fuck Fags. They're cancer" card, and telling LGBT folks to burn in hell, and they pretty much believe that atheists have no morals and worship the devil. But put all that aside. I'm not out as either to them, though if they expect me to pray, they'll quickly discover the atheist in me. But even if they don't care and have reformed (Totally possible), the Anti-American comments have pretty much sewn the seeds for a scene from Malcolm in the Middle this Thanksgiving with my family and my cousins family feuding with one another since my whole family is Team "Fuck Donald Trump" and theirs is not. It's a good thing we just legalized marijuana here in CA (happy I voted for that) because I'm going to need it. ='(

So yeah. Sick of people asking what the big deal is with all of this. We've had about 24 hours of this and just look at the damage it's already done. Just 24 hours in and this has all happened. We have another 4 years, 2 months, 8 days, 20 hours, and 35 minutes until we're safe again if we survive. Before, I was feeling alone and isolated mainly due to everyone just drifting away. Now it's all nothing but drama, blame, and people yelling at you and getting angry that you have the audacity to complain about the rise of fascism, and the possibility of losing actual friends because of it. I'm not sure what else to say or do. I pretty much have no game or plan at this point other than don't lose what I already have. I'd laugh at the idea that anything about the election would bring us together except I don't think I have the energy to laugh right now.

I know that this was a big long depressing rant. This probably isn't something you want to read, so sorry. If you made it through, Congratulations on dealing with all of my shit. I just had to post this somewhere, anywhere, and posting this on Facebook would just lose me actual friends and cause even more drama and bad news than is already there. Don't know what else to say or do. Just....just....ugh. Fucking ugh.

Comments

Yeah. The friendship dispute was mainly distressing due to them demanding I take a side and disavow and unfriend the other one. Luckily, they seemed to have cooled off and I don't have to worry about that, though it's still a bummer that they still aren't getting along. Especially since it's not even a matter of some being Pro-Trump and others Anti-Trump. We all agree that we hate Trump, but rather yelling and fighting about how it happened. But at least the "DISAVOW THE OTHER FRIEND" part is over.

I will admit that Wednesday night was by far the lowest and worst I felt about the election, where the feeling overwhelmed me. Luckily, it's cooled off and while I wouldn't say I'm in the best place, I certainly wouldn't say I feel depressed. It may not be that good now, but it's not nearly as bad as when I felt overwhelmed for months and had to go see a doctor. Luckily, I don't think I need that.

And yes, that is the Canada Maple Leaf in the avatar. It's the same avatar, same dog. Only I turned him Canadian. ADISC is not the only place where I made my avatar something related to Canada lol.