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i will become what I deserve.

I once was not my own. In fact, I belonged to a gruesome addiction. Constantly feeling as though I had to carve out parts of my own skin to feel something. Typing that felt weird and silly and embarrassing. But I’m admitting it.

Tonight I felt empty due to a multitude of things. I felt like a huge void was suddenly gaping in my soul. A familiar feeling welled in my chest, and I looked around for any sort of sharp thing. It was my first impulse. But I stopped myself. I took a deep breath. I haven’t come this far to fall back again. I’ve relapsed many times in the past, but this time I wasn’t going to let myself. I firmly believe that relapse happens and it’s a natural process in recovery. However, I knew I was stronger than that this time. And I was.

This post is very raw and real. I had to spew out these feelings and these confessions. Tomorrow I know I will be better.