I believe NONSENSE wakes up the brain cells. If I ever had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. YOU SEE?

I swear I had at least one point when I started this entry. A little bit hard to put it into words as it's buried so deep inside. My own vocabulary can't even find it. Maybe it has been there the whole time. Hiding, lost and killed. But to be random, I just want to say that I was a girl who keeps running away from everything. And still am. I might have ran thousands of miles now. And for that, I really really really by all mean, hate myself.

I love my life, nevertheless. I can't help to ask for more and for better, but I still am grateful for what I have today. I don't starve, in fact sometimes I eat like beast. I still have time for jokes and good laughter. I have my friends who will always be there for me even when they are miles away (million thanks girls!), a husband who will never let go off my hands, and both families I have that would always understand me. Alhamdulillah.. The odds are actually in my favor.

Ada seorang wanita bijak aku kenal, pernah berkata :

9.49 pagi 20 November 2013

The reason why I don't make new different entry, is because I am still in the mood. And my sudden goodbye yesterday was so unprepared. I still want to write more.

This is it.

Aku masih ingat jelas dan terang lagi. Di sini, waktu awal 20an, aku pernah melaungkan kata-kata bahawa biar hidup ini tidak pernah menyesal *geleng kepala* Wish I could go back and tell myself what I know now. Tell myself that that's just bullshit. As I grow older, there's so much reason that pathetic people like me want to build the time machine. I even have those time when, everytime after I turn back the pages of my diaries and blog entries, I curled and take my sweet time doing all the crying and weeping and crying and weeping and break.... Never ending tears. For YEARS.

Sometimes I ask myself, what use of it? It's true that I made a few moves without being certain in the past. It's true that now, I might regret the way it ended, but it also true that I will never regret what I had back then. It's past days, called memories. I hold them too dearly and caused myself to go through this painful, long and confusing process of figuring out who I am and what I want to do with my life. And now, despite it all, I chose what kind of life I want to live. I chose where I wish to spend all my life, what I want to do / achieve before I die. I learn life the hardest way, and still am.

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