Oh, GUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH. Chuck Lorre has announced that Two and a Half Men's heterosexual main characters, played by Ashton Kutcher and John Cryer, will wed each other in a "hilarious" sham marriage so that Kutcher's stupid character can finally adopt the baby he's always wanted.

"You're going to see two men who are not gay but are going to raise a child with a great deal of love and attention," Lorre told The Hollywood Reporter at the Television Critics Association's summer press tour. "Their sexuality is irrelevant to loving and caring for a child, which maybe that's the big story that we wind up telling: taking a kid out of the system and giving him a home. What's better than that?"

What's better than that? I don't know, maybe not making a mockery of same-sex couples' struggle for equal rights via a hack premise that was ALREADY DONE IN A SHITTY ADAM SANDLER MOVIE SEVEN YEARS AGO WITH A TITLE WEIRDLY SIMILAR TO YOUR OWN NAME? [ContactMusic]

Tia and Tamera Mowry are answering "burning questions about the '90s." Hey, I have one! There's this episode of Sister Sister where somebody throws a cheeseburger at Roger's face and it just sticks there in a hilarious way that is completely counter to all known cheeseburger physics. Could somebody figure out which episode that's in and then make me a gif of it? I literally think about it every single day. [E!]