I just got back from a visit to my doctor. All went well. We even managed to say the right things to each other.

Now I’m very wary of doctors, and I wonder…what if my doctor or surgeon had said the wrong things? So I’ve compiled a short list (I like my lists to be short) of things nobody wants to hear their doctor or surgeon say. And here they are:

Oops!

Whoaaa! Would you look at the size of that!

That thing’s big enough to eat Detroit!

Damn thing keeps wiggling…

Did I do that?

I’ve never seen one like that before…

She’ll never know the difference…

Check her id bracelet? What for?

Let’s see…was it on the right or the left side?

The robot malfunctioned…

You don’t have one of those anymore

You’re gonna need a lot more work…

Well, at least you’re alive…

You’ve lived long enough…doesn’t matter anymore

You’re 42 years old now. Your life is over. (Honest, I did have a doctor say that to me. He’s been dead for a few years now….)

Now I know doctors are only human, but for the life of me, I wish they would watch what they say.