Twitter @ImNabeelah

Friday, April 16, 2010

It Friday night and thank god I'm still alive and breathing. I'm done being upset but I'm starting to feel disappointed and mad at myself.Why?Because I'm so irresponsible,so careless and oblivious. I had gotten an award for being the top student for some particular subject but I had no fucking idea about it,until one of my teachers questioned me(AFTER THE AWARD CEREMONY TODAY!) as to why I didn't went up on stage to receive the certificate from the principal.Days before this whole ceremony took place,the teacher-in-charge of this event made it clear to us that "those who top their class,those who were top for a particular subject" were to check the list that was pasted outside the teacher's staffroom if their names were there.The thing is,I didn't expect to win this award. I honestly didn't. Because I knew that last year my test results were terrible. So having to think that I didn't check if my name was on there.So when all the award winners were coming on stage one after another,I was sitting in the crowd,all blur and not knowing that I was suppose to be up there getting my prize.And when the whole event had ended,then,people started coming up to me,telling me, "Hey why didn't you go up there?" "Why didn't you collect your prize?"WTF? Why didn't you people tell me?! I was informed my anyone that I won anything.But I wouldn't put the blame on anyone this time because it was clearly MY FAULT for not checking the list. Now,I don't have the chance the come up on stage AND I have to wait till next week to get that prize.See how careless and stupid this sounds? I'm even oblivious about my own achievements,talents and shit. This is probably the main reason why I'm invisible to almost everyone. They don't recognise me for something good,they can't. How can they,when I don't? And I'm ME,MYSELF!I'm not even sure whether i deserve this talent and stuffs. I don't even have the right attitude to fit to them.Ah,fuck!

8 comments:

Even thought you didn't check the list, I don't know why they wouldnt have told you ahead of time. And why didn't they call up your name at the ceremony? It doesnt really make sense...how are you supposed to know when to go up to get your prize if they dont brief you on it first? It sounds disorganized. Don't be so hard on yourself. HUGS!

It does sound disorganised... they should let you know that you were on the list. I'm sorry you didn't get to collect your prize. You obviously do deserve your award and are talented, and it isn't your fault at all.

I think they made a big deal out of it for no reason. it's not collecting the prize that's most important. it's the prize what's important.

(anyway, this reminded me of sth that WILL cheer you up: on the last year of my primary school, my friend, Christina had the best grades in whole school. and she was honoured with the prize at the end of the year. and the DID go to collect this prize...BUT: the prize was exactly this: "An Encyclopedia of Fishing" and two pair of white socks. This is true. That's exactly what she was 'awarded' with. haha, can you believe it? :)))

Well, you're definitely not invisible if people took the time out to ask you why you didn't go up there to receive the prize. They recognized that you weren't there. I mean, that says something right?? Idk, you're your own worst critic, you know? People, although some can be complete assholes, aren't that bad. Most people have just as many insecurities as you do, although it may not seem that way. Seems to me, when people look at you, they don't see the flaws you see in yourself. I don't know you well at all, but you seem sweet.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... don't be so hard on yourself. Look at the positive in the situation... you didn't "win" the prize... you EARNED it.