This artist is surprisingly adept at painting with his tongue, but AT WHAT COST. Also, ew. (Neatorama)

As recently as three months ago, I called Paula Deen a goddamn national treasure (what? I'm Southern. Shut up). But that was before the whole diabetes scandal, and now the lawsuit that's been lodged against her proclaiming that she's a racist. There's not enough butter in the world to make that OK. (Videogum)

I peeked over at this list of the 7 Greatest Stephen King adaptations just to make sure they got number one right. They did. (Screenjunkies)

Likewise, I checked this list of the 7 Most Traumatizing Documentaries to see if they got number one right, and it's not even on the list. They should probably make some room for it. (Unreality)

Speaking of traumatizing, I realize that none of you give a rat's ass, but Peyton Manning is my favorite NFL player of all time, and goddamnit, him leaving the Colts is probably the lowest moment in my personal history of sports fandom. I'm listening to the press conference as I write this, and Manning is choking back sobs. My condolences to all the other Colts fans out there today. It's a sad goddamn day. (Deadspin)

From one link to another, here's some fun juxtaposition: "Your Period is a Time for Deep Lady-Bonding." (Jezebel)

I know that there are many lawyers and soon-to-be lawyers out in Pajiba-land, and as one myself (technically, though not practicing, obvs.) the one piece of advice I always try to impart to anyone considering law school is this: Don't. That's especially true now if you can't get into a Top 25 School, as tuition rates are about the same across the board, but your job prospects are not. (Dave Chen)

Speaking of lawyers, one has taken on a case against AMC theaters for overcharging on concessions. It is, in lawyerspeak, a loser. (Slashfilm)

Now Kirk Cameron is complaining because he feels he's being slandered after calling homosexuality unnatural. Oh, fuck you, dude. (Celebitchy)

On the subject of assholes, if you're counting at home, the advertiser pull-out count on "The Rush Limbaugh" radio show has now reached 40. Could this actually be enough to push him off the air? (THR)

You should know that, the more movies involving drinking that kids are exposed to, the more likely they will drink. Nothing wrong with that. It numbs the pain of watching all the other movies. (Movieline)

I don't know what Captain Marvel is, but it doesn't matter because Captain Marvel is now Shazam because of copyright issues. Apparently, Shaquille O'Neal had no such copyright concerns. (GammaSquad)

Look! Baby clothes for the Lord of the Rings baby in your family (email me for TK's address). (Buzzfeed)