A woman is standing on the edge of a precipice preparing to end it all by jumping, when a homeless man walks up and inquires, "Whatcha doing lady?"
"I'm going to end it all," she replies.
"Well, before you do, ya wanna fuck?"
"Ewww, with you... no way."
"That's okay," he replied, "I'll see ya at the bottom."_________________The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.
George Orwell

Recently in Washington , D.C., an aide to Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in D.C.

He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's views."

Pelosi's aide then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your cathedral, if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the Church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."

As Pelosi's aide promised, Nancy Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle.

As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Ms. Pelosi was present.

The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Ms. Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip- flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self -absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington and in California. The woman is simply not to be trusted."

The Cardinal concluded, "But, when compared with President Obama, Ms. Pelosi is a saint."_________________People Of Love

Creating people who are smart enough to accurately repeat what they are told and follow orders & dumb enough to think that makes them smarter than anyone else._________________"History began on July 4,1776. Everything before that was a mistake." -Ron Swanson

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest said, "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"

First she said, "Take off my shoes". So I took off her shoes.
Then she said, "Take off my shirt". So I took off her shirt.
The she said, "Take off my skirt". So I took off her skirt.
Then she said, "Now take off my bra, panties and hose". So I took off her bra, panties and hose.
Then she said, "I never want to see you wearing my stuff again"._________________People Of Love

First he said, "Take off my heels". So I took off his heels.
Then he said, "Take off my blouse". So I took off his blouse.
The he said, "Take off my skirt". So I took off his skirt.
Then he said, "Now take off my bra, panties and hose". So I took off his bra, panties and hose.
Then he said, "I never want to see you wearing my stuff again".

A day in the life of Butts McCracken?_________________"History began on July 4,1776. Everything before that was a mistake." -Ron Swanson

First she said, "Take off my shoes". So I took off her shoes.
Then she said, "Take off my shirt". So I took off her shirt.
The she said, "Take off my skirt". So I took off her skirt.
Then she said, "Now take off my bra, panties and hose". So I took off her bra, panties and hose.
Then she said, "I never want to see you wearing my stuff again".

Nice. Reminiscent of Emo Philips._________________It takes a little while to get the facts. You still don't know the facts.

First he said, "Take off my heels". So I took off his heels.
Then he said, "Take off my blouse". So I took off his blouse.
The he said, "Take off my skirt". So I took off his skirt.
Then he said, "Now take off my bra, panties and hose". So I took off his bra, panties and hose.
Then he said, "I never want to see you wearing my stuff again".

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them.
She asked John what he had done over the weekend?
'I went to visit my Nana'.
No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!'
She then asked Mitchell what he had done
'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.
She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.
She then asked little Alex what he had done?
'I read a book' he replied.
'That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said.
'What book did you read?'
Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest
with great pride, and said, 'Winnie the SHIT!'_________________People Of Love

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am just serious by nature."

The young lad y looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean no sex since 1955!"

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major glanced at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ”Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?”
When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ”God Almighty !” shouted Mary and the teacher said, ”Very good” and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ”Who is our Lord and Savior?” But Mary didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ”Jesus Christ!” shouted Mary and the teacher said, ”Very good,” and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ”What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ”If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”_________________The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter
Great Britain is a republic, with a hereditary president, while the United States is a monarchy with an elective king