Family
inheritance fights can easily happen to anyone. And things
can get nasty, warns a Toronto-based wills lawyer, who specializes
in helping families avoid inheritance battles.

"It's
something that we all think can't happen to our family.
We think it can only happen to the wealthiest of people.
But that's not true," says Les Kotzer, who has seen
plenty of families ripped apart over inheritances.

"The
family that we know and love can be destroyed by something
that our parents do or don't do," he cautioned, adding
that one or two words in a will can tear apart a close family.

Often
problems boil down to a lack of communication between parents
and offspring, Kotzer pointed out. Making sure everyone
understands who is getting what and why is crucial, he emphasized.
To help avoid battles over possessions, he recommends that
parents ask their children if there are any special items
they might want.

"While
that (parent) 'referee' is still alive, there are things
that can be done to avoid the family fight," Kotzer
said, adding that "planning to avoid it is the important
part."

To
help people do just that, Kotzer and his partner, Barry
Fish, have published The Family Fight: Planning to avoid
it, an easy-to-understand, how-to book on wills and estate
planning. The 140-page paperback provides plenty of real
life family fight stories, plus strategies and suggestions
to avoid inheritance disputes and help keep families united.
It explains complex legal terms in plain language. And it
offers suggestions to help you organize your family affairs
so you don't leave a mess for your family.

"The
book -- like my practice -- is about saving families, not
saving taxes," Kotzer said.

He
cites a litany of errors made by parents, which can end
up turning siblings against one another and cause deep rifts
among family members.

For
example, there's the assumption by parents that equality
is always fair.

"That's
not necessarily true," Kotzer said. "Sometimes
the most equal wills cause the most problems," he pointed
out.

For
example, a child who serves as a parent's caregiver could
become resentful if a sibling with next-to-no involvement
receives an equal share of the inheritance when the parent
is no longer around.

"You
have to know your own family. Try to look deeper, through
a microscope, to see what could cause problems," Kotzer
advised. "Never assume good will between your kids.
Don't assume your kids will work things out," he added.

Squabbling
over inheritance isn't always about money, Kotzer is quick
to point out. "The fighting is also about memories
-- personal items, like the painting on the wall or table
in the hallway -- things that can't be divided."

Even
if one sibling relents and allows another to have the sought-after
item, their relationship may be irreparably damaged.

"These
are the kinds of things that can create bitterness -- something
that burns in your heart." Kotzer said.

"Another
reason for fighting is the issue of being slighted by parents,"
he pointed out.

Often,
parents appoint their oldest child executor of their estate.
But by making one child solely responsible for looking after
the estate, it can create friction among the executor and
his/her siblings. And in the case of a dictatorial executor,
the siblings may become angry and resentful if decisions
are made that they don't agree with.

Parents
should also avoid inadvertent inequality, Kotzer cautioned.

For
example, at the time a will is made, the estimated value
of a hockey card collection being left to one child might
be $2,000. And in an effort to equalize things, the parent
may leave the other child $2,000 in his/her will. But, if
the value of the collection increases to $15,000 by the
time the will is read, but the will isn't updated to reflect
this increase in value, the other child will not receive
equal value. Instead, he/she will receive the $2,000 specified
in the will.

It's
also important to understand what it really means to own
something in joint ownership, Kotzer stressed. In a nutshell,
it means the surviving owner gets it all. You can't leave
your joint bank account to someone in your will. Nor can
you leave property to them.

"Joint
ownership overrides what a will says," Kotzer explained.

The
Family Fight features a handy record keeping checklist,
designed to help your loved ones in the event of your incapacity
or death. It includes listing everything from the location(s)
of all the financial institutions you're dealing with, to
computer and access codes, and a record of personal items
you've loaned to other people, such as power tools or an
expensive lawn mower.

"It's
important to keep a record, so your kids have that kind
of information," Kotzer said. "It will help make
a smooth transition from loss of a parent to handling inheritance."

Kotzer,
who is also a professional songwriter, has also released
a CD of songs and music dedicated to helping families communicate
before it's too late.

"Little
things can destroy a family," Kotzer cautioned. "I'm
afraid we are destroying our support group -- our families.
This is a tragedy.

"My
mother always told me that her greatest gems were not in
her bank account; they were her family ... I'm trying to
focus on saving the family unit," he said.