Badassery Magazine June 2018 Issue 25 - Page 15

S
hortly before I turned 40, I
had a “good job.” After expe-
riencing a series of layoffs, I
was working above and beyond in
this new position, hoping my ded-
ication would be noticed.
But in my heart, I knew I didn’t re-
ally LOVE what I was doing. It was
demanding, but I made good mon-
ey. That’s what mattered, right?
You can’t not have a job, I thought.
I was determined to see it through.
was I hoping someone else would
validate my worth? Finally, I real-
ized that “job security” was just an
illusion.
As I faced my unknown future,
I already had a beach vacation
planned for my upcoming birth-
day and was determined to enjoy
it. There, I looked at the water and
contemplated what the hell I was
going to do with my life.
After a particularly grueling, long
week (including working nights
and Sunday), I was burning out.
I asked for earned time off that I
never allowed myself to take. An-
ticipating a long overdue break, I
was surprised the day before with
an unexpected meeting. Suddenly,
I was unemployed. AGAIN. Before I could get my answer --
and shortly after turning 40 -- I felt
a small lump in my breast. Con-
vincing myself it was “just a cyst,”
I scheduled my first-ever mam-
mogram and more tests. Over the
phone (yes, really), my doctor con-
firmed my worst fears: I had Stage
IIB triple-negative breast cancer. I
was devastated.
What just happened? What did I
just work my ass off for? Why had
I given so much to something that
didn’t mean anything to me? Why Ironically, on the first day of Breast
Cancer Awareness Month, I met
my new oncologist. Before I could
process any of it, I was on the
Cancer Train. And once it starts, it
starts fast.
Suddenly, a new job was the last
thing on my mind. My life was now
divided into two parts: B.C. (Before
Cancer) and A.C. (After Cancer).
Now A.C., I could not think past
today. Would I even make it to my
next birthday?
After a long year (and then some)
of treatment including 15 rounds
of chemotherapy, three surgeries,
32 radiation treatments, I’m thank-
ful to officially be declared can-
cer-free!
But now what?
Getting rid of my cancer had been
my “job” for the past year, and
now, it was finally over. Everyone
expected me to “get back to nor-
mal.” What does that even mean?
Although I have a degree in fashion
design, B.C., I constantly felt I
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