for 9 January 2001. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Good column, as always. I work for a large ISP, and a lot of what you said
resonates with me. When I started here two years ago, I thought that I was
getting into the sweetest gig ever. This was my first "New Economy" job -- I
had never worked for a company whose primary focus didn't seem to be making
huge profits. When this ISP opened up a call center in my home town, a lot
of semi-skilled workers thought that this alone would deliver us from a
lifetime of food service jobs.

Two years, and one merger later, I've seen a lot of "Old Economy" style
re-orgs, which has flattened the structure of the company. It's now harder
than ever to get a promotion, and annual raises are rarely higher than 2%.
Many of my co-workers feel like they are trapped in a situation where they
aren't making any progress in their careers. They resent being left to
stagnate within the company.

Consequently, many of us (at least in Tech Support) are grumpy. It wouldn't
surprise me in the slightest if our customers looked at us as being at least
has helpful as PacBell when it comes to getting any assistance. When you are
the equivalent of the McDonald's counter worker of the internet economy, it
can be difficult to muster any enthusiasm for your work. And if the economy
goes south you'll see a lot of us down at the EDD collecting checks to
support addiction to expensive coffee and cheap weed.

I'm not sure whether or not most people who work for utility companies are
affected by economic downturns, but I think it's pretty safe to say that
they are not floating on an economic "bubble" that's threatening to burst.
At least they have a union.

Thanks for your time

--Brent Sullivan
<brents@flashmail.com>

Actually, the employees we contact during First World
Communications' now-almost-weekly service outages are
generally a pretty polite and sympathetic bunch  a
strong indication that no union is involved 
but they are unable to provide any information or
actual help, and this happens often enough that it is
pretty clear this stingy policy comes from above.

We did think it worth noting that a major ISP in the
heart of the internet provides service worthy of the
Peruvian postal service: These outages, if continued
unchecked, will eventually have a deleterious effect
on Suck itself. More generally, it makes you wonder how
the government ever thought the internet was going to
survive a nuclear attack by the Russians.

yr pal,

Magua

The problem with "deregulation" is that it was the form, not the fact,
of regulation that was modified. "Deregulation" in this case appears to
me to be one of

a) a well-intentioned idea badly implemented, as the majority of
California legislators are not acquainted with how markets actually
work.
b) a sneaky attempt to get rich quick on the part of certain legislators
(rumors abound that some of our solons have equity positions in the
power generation companies, where there are no limits on price/kW).
c) an attempt by state Democrats to discredit the label "deregulation".
d) an attempt by Greens to force energy conservation by bollixing power
generation and making it impossible to create new capacity.

My bet is on (a), personally. One thing I've discovered is that
stupidity is more common than malice. The other reason (a) is most
likely is that no legislator wants to be associated with price increases
for ANYTHING. It strikes me that California's politicians wanted to
ensure they came out looking good, so they passed a law saying that
prices could only go one way -- down. Unfortunately, this was not what
happened.

Rob McMillin
<rlm@pricegrabber.com>

You're probably on the right track, Robert. But the
question remains. How can a service like electricity
ever not fall into the hands of a monopoly? It's
not control of the means of production that matters
here (though the fact that PG&E offloaded actual
generation is apparently the main reason raw prices are
high). It's control of the means of delivery: Is Magua
Power and Light really going to build all new pipes and
wires to Walnut Creek and Hollister in order to compete
with the big boys? This is not the way of Magua. Magua
will put them all under the knife.

yr pal,

Magua

Hi there!

Enjoyed your article.

Interesting tidbit about the TVA...It was supposed to create
more electric power and save on coalas well, right? Well,
electricity not only got really cheap (hence the financial
problems of the TVA), but the rising rivers duie to the dams
allowed coal barges to travel to the old coal-fired power
stations, continuing our reliance on that form of energy!

Thanks, Tom. In fairness to the TVA, these kinds of
unintended are practically inevitable  a good example of
why this sort of centralized planning tends to end in
tears. Not that we're sure, given the alternatives,
that the TVA is such a unique failure in the first place.

Magua knows the utilities are dogs and slaves.

yr pal,

Magua

You wrote, "customers have been brutalized by authentication failures
and router outages, most recently in a denial of service that lasted
from December 18 until a few days after Christmas. Customers calling to
bellyache were assigned a number and nothing else  no estimated time
for repairs, no offer of a rebate on the ol' monthly bill, nothing but
the High Hat we thought only the government was allowed to give us.
Everywhere else in the country, of course, ISP options are even more
limited."

And in Canada, too! Here we have Great White North's version of First
World Communications  Rogers Communications, which provides internet
service "The Wave" while it also delivers Cable TV and, lately, cell
phone service.

I have been a long-time user of Rogers and I must say that the horror
stories you describe in California sound eerily reminiscent of my
ongoing trauma at the hands of Rogers  the system is frequently down,
the helpline prone to being unreachable, and the inflexibility of Rogers
(until recently you HAD to have cable in order to get the internet
connection even though it was a separate line) vexing.

Canada's federal watchdog on communications is the Canadian Radio and
Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) and it is as spineless a regulator
as you could ever find.

So a government-coddled monopoly can screw people with virtual (pun
intended) impunity. And Rogers is buying sports teams and other media
interests, so who knows how powerful and pervasive it will become.

Glenn Easton
<easton67@wave.home.com>

Thanks Glenn. Magua has no illusions about Canadian
companies and their imperial tendencies, having watched
almost all the people he knew in his trade paper days
become employees of the Thompson Corporation. Magua himself
worked for Thompson at one point. Apparently Thompson is
owned by a "Lord Thompson." Magua hoped Lord Thompson would
visit his holding someday, letting his employees line the
streets and cheer as Lord Thompson in his periwig rode in
on his coach and six. But apparently he's not that
kind of a lord.

yr pal,

Magua

The environmentalists are to blame for our current energy
cost-crisis. Across the US, coal plants are being shut
down because of strict air quality standards while dams are
being closed in the western states in favor of salmon stock.
The Sierra Club, Earth First, the Pembina Institute and
many others are responsible for putting a heavier demand
on fossil fuels, thereby increasing cost.

Further more, the days of the Beverly hillbilly is over.
Rather than "shootin' up a bubblin' crude", farmers now
fight tooth & nail with energy companies in an effort to
protect the health of their families and livestock.
Some  Wiebo Ludwig for example  have resorted to terrorist
bombing, Kuwait style, while some governments  such as BC
Canada  are not allowing drilling contractors touch known
fossil fuel formations off shore in an effort to protect
the coast line.

Contrary to belief, fossil fuel producers are just as
worried us. If prices exceed wind and solar energy  which
is getting closer than you may think  it will be the
beginning of the end for fossil fuel. I believe the real
culprits are on the demand side rather than the supply.
Nature is simply lashing out at the wasteful consumer.

Driving myself, alone to and from work, everyday in a big
truck.

"Scott"
<mcott@planet.eon.net>

Oh sure, go ahead and blame the tree huggers, "Scott."
Everybody knows the oil industry and the Big Three
auto manufacturers have conspired for years against
alternative resources like the manure-burning car and
electric plants fueled by the power of laughter.

yr pal,

Magua

Magua—

Simply sagacious screed on the power/monopoly situation. But the weird thing
is that, here in the Northeast, giant powercorps have been for years
mothballing some of their operations because of "lack of demand." Or, more a
propos, because they can't run them efficiently enuf. Vaguely reminiscient
(tho not exactly a perfect metaphor, granted) of the govmint paying farmers
not to grow even tho there are, as our mothers always said, people starving
in Asia.

Deregulation has been as frenetic as a monkey on cappuchino, but it beats
the heck out of the 800-pound gorillas known as monopolies beating us
senseless until we don't notice the difference any more.

Again, very enjoyable piece.

Simon
<simonfr@dreamscape.com>

Thanks, Simon. Remember the good old days, when all
our household appliances were powered by little
dinosaurs who would turn gears and make wisecracks,
and you had to run your feet along the ground real
fast to get your car running? And then when we all
lived on that desert island, where you rode a bicycle
to work a big fan and make The Professor's radio run?
You didn't hear any bellyaching about lack of demand then!

yr pal,

Magua

Lovely article, as usual, and I'll check out that film, but w/r/t your quote:

"Power utilities, let's face it, are not the first word in glamour: To be a TVA hawk is to be immersed perpetually in back issues of Modern Power System and Public Utilities Fortnightly."

I'm confused ...

It's like you're saying the utilities are unglamourous, then, halfway through it, make reference to the full-frontal, sex-charged micro-press trade pub industry. Niche mags are moist-pantied, throbbing-bishop, spanish-flied Viagra juice. What says "glamour!" like "Beef" magazine, or the "Rock Products  Cement Edition?" My company's been acquired by the biggest niche-mag micro-market trade paper publisher in the known universe, everyone's yelling how "Wall Street's gonna lap this up like Sunday marmalade off the houseboy," and I'm couting the days to vestation ...

So if you're working to paint an unflattering picture, you ought to stick with that gonad-shrivling mass-market drivel the Time-Warners regurgitate upon us; my peops at the Electric Co. and I'll hold onto our stock options AND our kleenex, thank you.

Best Regards 

Steve McNally
<SMcNally@about-inc.com>

Don't worry, Steve. Magua spent enough time in the
trade paper universe that he can barely stand to
mention America's vast range of specialty publications,
even as a joke. The most memorable title Magua remembers
is the medical journal Pain. Magua would have
loved to write for that one, but you had to be a real
MD, and Magua is only the Doctor of Fun.

So true. At least you Sucksters can't complain, living as you are now, deep
in your underground bunker. Do you eat just canned food, or do you have
greenhouses and animals being bred and slaughtered? Dymertk massacred the
provisional government's forces at the Bay Bridge, so I think he's your new
warlord now. 2001 hasn't been that bad. The only moment when I got worried
was when it looked like the rapture was taking place. But it turns out
Jupiter was the one true God, and nobody got lifted up to bliss. We all had
a good laugh after that. The sky's not dark anymore, but the hordes of
cloned sheep and the climate change weren't forgiving. Everything looks
like the Australian outback now. I'd go visit your territory, but I don't
have enough 80's hair gel to bribe the roving biker gangs that control the
highways. I'll stay here for a while. One of the SUV's you customarily
mocked turned out to be an amazingly good shelter. Human sacrifices aside,
I'm sure things will get back to normal soon. America's innocence will
stick its cold, zombie hand out of the ground and climb triumphantly out of
its grave.

Happy New Year!

Humberto Moreira
<hmoreira@subidea.com>

Let's face it: America lost its innocence back when
Johnny Hart
outed himself as a four-panel Jack Van Impe, intent on
clouding our minds with pseudo-creationist notions that
dinosaurs and humans co-existed in prehistoric times. After
that, we never again knew what to believe.

Sucksters

Sir or Madam,

Beck,dot com millionaires and SUVs do not a nation
make.Let them slip into the anal abyss of our modern culture and let us
eagerly await their equally appealing offsprings.

Face it,things will suck
for a long time to come.

Betton2@cs.com

You saw right through us! We were making the
whole thing up. But you see, things were never
the same for us after Four Non-Blondes did that
dance remix of "What's Goin' On?" How could you
trust anybody after that?

Sucksters

This week has been more than a little disappointing. But at least you're
not just recycling old material like most media outlets. Thank you for
making some sort of gesture at effort. And kiss Polly for me when the ball
drops, or whatever happens at midnight over on that coast.

ciao

Ben Schwabe
<bschwabe@MIT.EDU>

But didn't the real disappointment come years ago,
when you realized that House Party 3 really
was Kid 'n' Play's last work together? Once they
made House Party 4: Down to the Last Minute without
the legendary twosome, it was pretty clear some unwritten
contract had been forever broken.