Defining Myself One Day at a Time

Friday, May 16, 2014

As I write today I’m a little less scatterbrained than I was on
Wednesday, but a little more disheartened. After impatiently waiting for what
seemed like forever, I received a call from my physical therapist in Detroit,
Diane.

Before I get into details of the call, let’s talk about bone density a
little bit. Bone density is measured by what they call T-scores. Your T-score
is your bone density compared with what is normally expected in a healthy young
adult of your gender and it shows you if you are above or below the average.

If you have a T-score of -1 and above, your bone density is considered
normal. If your scores are between -1 and -2.5, you have osteopenia, a
condition which your bone density is below normal and could lead to osteoporosis.
Anything below -2.5 is considered as osteoporosis.

My T-score in my hips is -4.2.

Despite my extremely low T-score, I hoped that Diane would have good
news for me – that I would still be able to come up in June for therapy.
Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. The medical director for CSCIR sets bone
density parameters in which patients must adhere to and still be considered safe and
not subject to a possible fracture. The lowest T-score they allow in the
program is -3.5 which means I am .7 units away from qualifying.

Being .7 units off doesn’t sound like much and you would think I’d be
able to acquire that in no time, right? Not necessarily the case. I am going to
start on a medication that will hopefully help me regenerate some bone, as well as begin a
calcium regiment. Between those things and continuing my workouts of peddling
10+ miles on my e-stim bike and standing in my standing frame, I hope by next
summer I will be at -3.5 or better.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t bummed about not being able to go.
I love Detroit, but I can’t tell you how glad I am to find out about my
osteoporosis through a bone scan instead of the hard way…fracturing a hip. I’m
confident in our plan to curb the degeneration and I know that as fast as time
passes, next summer will be upon us soon and hopefully I’ll be packing my bags
to head up to the D.

It’s just a little bump in the road, but God has a plan, right? He must
have know I’m a first-year head volleyball coach and that it would be in my
best interest to stay home and put all my energy into prepping for the season!!
Those girls better be ready because I sure will be! =)

Side note:

After Wednesday’s post, I have to thank you all for your support
and your prayers. It means more to me than you’ll ever know!

Yep, you read that right, bones. You see I had a bone density scan
yesterday because it is now a prerequisite for the intense physical therapy in
Detroit. (I’m hoping to make another trip up there this summer.) Going into the
scan, I knew my bones wouldn’t be like an able-bodied person…that they might be
a little softer than normal, but I didn’t think it was going to be anything
serious.

Wrong - turns out I have a pretty good case of osteoporosis in my hips.
This was devastating news to me and after I read the report yesterday evening,
I had a million thoughts running through my mind about it.

What about Detroit? Will they let me still do therapy? Can you
regenerate bone? What medication do I need to take? Am I going to break a hip? You
name it, I thought about it. After going through every scenario, I could think
about...I prayed. I went to bed thinking what will be, will be and that I’ll
soon know my fate.

Fast forward 8+ hours to today and I’m calmer, a little less emotional,
but still scatterbrained. I’ve put in two calls to my doctor and three emails
into Detroit and now I wait, impatiently.

Why is it when you really want/need to know something, you have to
wait? The seconds feel like minutes, which in turn feel like hours, and the
hours feel like days. Come on people, don’t you know how badly I need to know
these results!!

God is testing me, no doubt, and while I would like to say I’m accepting
His challenge with open arms, I’m not too keen on it.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

I am a creature of habit and unlike my younger years full of spontaneity
and flying by the seat of my pants, I have a routine and I stick to it pretty
regularly. Every morning when I arrive at work, I login to all of my programs,
get a cup of coffee, and open my email.

Before I begin looking at anything work-related, I find the email that
holds my daily devotional and read it in its entirety. It’s the boost I need and
it starts my day off right. Today’s devotional held the verse of Proverbs 17:22
“A happy heart is like good medicine, but a broken spirit drains your strength.”

At every speaking engagement I have had the chance to participate in, I
talk about attitude. I tell the story of how I consciously made the choice to put
a smile on my face, be positive, not dwell on my accident, and put every ounce of energy
into my recovery. I knew at that time if I was to fall into the ‘woe is me’
trap, I wouldn’t get out of it nor would I get any better…and that wasn’t an
option.

Easier said than done, right? Trust me I know, but even Aeschylus said,
“Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times.”

There is so much hurt in our world right now that we can’t even turn on
the TV without hearing something bad - about another shooting/stabbing, the
crisis in Ukraine, the kidnapping of nearly 300 Nigerian schoolgirls, the
sinking boat, the missing plane. Every day, something new…it’s exhausting to
hear and unfortunately we can’t change it.

We can’t control other people’s actions nor can we control every
situation we may face in life, but if there’s anything I know it’s that we can’t
dwell on the hurt for forever.

The hurt will suffocate us if we’re not careful – it will drain every
ounce of strength that we may possess and therefore we must hope. We must hope
and pray for the good…make the choice to smile…maintain the good attitude….make
the heart happy.

Seeing that verse today not only made me realize how important it was to make that small little decision almost eight years ago, but how those words still resonate with me today. I'm blessed to have the life that I do and for that I will smile as much as possible and always look at the glass half full.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

I don’t know about you, but I have a love/hate relationship with all
things social media (except Pinterest, it’s all love there). It is a great tool
to keep in touch, connect with people from your past, and see what’s going on
in everyone’s lives….especially with pictures, I love pictures! However, I hate
Facebook – I hate some of the stupid statuses I see (don’t worry it’s not
yours), I hate seeing gorgeous beach photos when I’m stuck in wind-blown,
dust-covered Kansas, and I hate to admit how much time I spend scrolling
through my newsfeed just to make sure I don’t miss anything.

It was that reason right there that when Lent came around this year, I
decided to give up Facebook for 40 days. I wanted to start conversations with
something other than “Did you see this on Facebook”…I wanted to spend my
evenings with my family or my nose in a book, instead of being in front of my
laptop…I wanted to be more productive. I’m not going to lie – it was a great 40
days and only once did I get an itch to login. Is it funny to say that life was
simpler for that timeframe because that’s exactly how I felt.

During the Lenten season, my cell phone shot craps and I had to get a
new phone, so I splurged and got myself a fruit phone (much to my own chagrin,
saying that I would never own an iPhone). Yep, that’s right, I was a hypocrite –
but no longer, I am proud to say I love my iPhone, although I have no idea how
to do even a fourth of what it is capable of doing. It took me almost a month
to figure out how to make the fancy smiley faces and just 2 days ago, I
downloaded the Facebook app.

Worst decision ever! The clarity I possessed after my Lenten Facebook
hiatus is done and gone and I feel myself creeping back to needing to be “in
the know” at all times. I literally checked my account twenty-some times yesterday.
Just thinking about that makes me cringe!

The easy thing would be to just delete the app and go on with life, checking
my account once a day, or even better, once a week on my trusty laptop…but I’m
going to keep it on my little phone and use it as a reminder to work on my self-discipline.
If I find myself clicking on the little blue icon more and more – it’s in the
trash immediately, but until then, like on.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

From September through the first of November, all of my extra time is focused on volleyball, but with another successful season under our belts – my downtime can be filled with friends, family, and one of my favorite pastimes…reading.

We just celebrated Thanksgiving and like always, it was a fun and entertaining afternoon at Grandma Bea’s, but after we got home – I didn’t know what to do…I was a bit bored. I “pinned” a few things on Pinterest, I came up short while looking for bargain Christmas gift, and finally I gave in and went to bed. Before I shut my light off and closed my eyes for the night, I looked to my bookshelf to find my Friday’s entertainment.

My book of choice was Bill Snyder’s They Said It Couldn’t Be Done. If you haven’t read it, you need to. It was published after he retired the first go around and tells the story how he took charge of the greatest turnaround in college football history.

I have always been a K-State fan and knew they had a phenomenal coach, but I was ignorant to how great of a man and how caring Snyder was…that was until I first read this book back in ’06 when I received it during my initial rehabilitation in Houston along with a letter that gave me so much hope. Don’t believe me, read Letters from Home.

In addition to hope, Snyder’s letter and book left me with some great life lessons…famously know as The 16 Wildcat Commandments. If you’re not aware of them, google them…they are some of the most basic, yet most important life lessons one could receive – and impressed me right off the bat.

Fast forward to 2012, I got to meet Bill Snyder thanks to my dear friend Tamren – see Hot Date in Manhattan. It solidified what I had thought about the man since 2006. He was so genuine, down-to-earth, and one of the nicest men I have ever met. I remember telling him that if I could be even ¼ of the coach he was, I would be a happy lady.

This afternoon, I finished his book for the second time and once again I was amazed and inspired. Ideas are running rampant through my head and it makes me think and dream of if/when I get the chance to head a program of my own.

It has been a pretty great Thanksgiving weekend and I have enjoyed both my time spent with family and my time spent with my nose in a book. Monday will come all too soon, but once again Bill Snyder has left me with hope and dreaming of what might lie ahead.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

“Write a blog post” has been on my To Do List for little over a month. Obviously I have not gotten that done since my last covered my last week in Detroit which is pretty darn pathetic on my part. I wish I had some grand reason as to why I haven’t been writing, but I don’t, and I can’t use the excuse of being too busy and not having the time because that’s not true either.

Sure, I’m back to work at BTI and volleyball season is underway (Side note – we’re really on a roll right now, 8-0 baby, undefeated!), but by no means am I swamped beyond my control.

Nonetheless, when I began writing this blog I didn’t want to be something I forced myself to do. I wanted to write about things I was curious and passionate about and let you into my life a little bit – I never meant for this to be something that ends up on my To Do List for the day and I think that right there is the reason I haven’t wrote since I have been home.

I feel as if I was trying to force myself into doing something that I first intended to be an effortless, yet fun thing to do and we all know how much fun things are when you feel forced into doing them! We all encounter these situations, but I am beginning to see the importance of taking a step back and taking that break – whether it be for a few days, a few months, or even a few years – to regain that interest and spark that passion once again.

I really enjoy writing this blog and sharing my thoughts and adventures to whoever is interested in reading it. I can’t guarantee you anything, but I am going to try to write more often…I have taken my break and refueled, but if you don’t hear from me for awhile know that either I have absolutely nothing going on in my life or I needed another little break!

About Me

Hey everyone! My name is Emily and I originally began blogging when I was crowned Ms. Wheelchair Kansas 2012. Those days are behind me now, but I decided to keep the blog and continue to share the day in and day out details of this little life of mine. Hope you enjoy!!