"Hazy Shade of Winter", the Bangles cover version is even better than the original Simon & Garfunkel one. Just right for Canberra in June.

"The Night Santa Went Crazy", by Weird Al Jankovic. As you do. Just in case I start taking life too seriously.

"I am a Rock", the original Simon & Garfunkel version, to help me uncover painful memories long buried, but which I now need to retrieve to provide clues to long forgotten medical problems of relevance today. At one time in my life, it was my theme tune, and I derived great comfort from it. I wish I could go back in time, and tell the me that was that I was actually going to live happily ever after, after all. Miracles sometimes happen, and of three impossible dreams I had, one has come true, one came true enough, and the most improbable of all may yet be coming true.

Maybe it's because of the hormonal mood swings I'm having that I'm reminded of puberty. And what I had was a helluva lot worse than the usual Teenage Angst.... brrrr. (Time to start counting my lucky stars once more).

"Wouldn't it be Nice", by the Beach Boys. As an antidote to the heartwrenching loneliness of the previous song, this was my theme song after meeting my wife-to-be. Though for the first few weeks of that period, I thought with good reason that I only had a short time to live, and it was wistful, rather than expectant. But I got better. So did my life.

"Heaven Can Wait", by Meatloaf. That's my theme song now, and has been since the day we got married, almost 25 years ago.

And as a bonus:

"Rocket Man", not the Elton John version, nor the Kate Bush one, but a trance version by a female vocalist who I haven't been able to trace.

When I hear it, I automatically substitute a few changes:

"And all the Science, yes I understandNot just a job, five days a week..."

And yet I am reminded of that kid back in 1972, rocking back and forth in his bedroom and whispering "And an Island never cries" with tears silently streaming down her face. (No, not a misprint, try googling "Intersex" : 1.5% of the population, by some estimates)

Puberty Sucks for everyone, but for some it's worse than others. I have got good medical reasons to believe that mine was probably worse than most. 98.5% in fact. The Chromosome test results are still pending, but a number of ultrasound exams of my pelvic region in the next few days should show the extent of the problem. Like the psychic wounds, probably just scar tissue by now, but you never know.

About Me

Actually, I am a Rocket Scientist.
Also hormonally odd (my blood has 46xy chromosomes anyway) and for most of my life, I looked male, and lived as one, trying to be the best Man a Gal could be. Anyway, in May 2005 that started changing naturally for reasons still unclear, and I'm now Zoe, not Alan : happier and more relaxed not to have to pretend any more.
UPDATE - reason now identified as the 3BHSD form of CAH.

Reviews

This blog, written by a rocket scientist, is a fascinating collection of information, both personal and scientific, regarding intersex, transsexualism and related psychosocial and psychosexual issues....It is erudite and heartfelt. Just read the posts about the passport issue. You won't know whether to laugh, weep or crawl into a ball and rock gently in a corner - an amazing person.- David---The reason I so appreciate bright, perceptive people - as opposed to ideologues whose intelligence does little to illuminate - is that they manage to both instruct and learn with a certain grace. Among such rarities in the transblogosphere is Zoe, whose direct speech and clear humanity always make her worth reading, even if one doesn’t always agree with her every conclusion.- Val---The following is a request for permission to archive your A.E.Brain blog site which we have wanted to do for several years...The Library has traditionally collected items in print, but it is also committed to preserving electronic publications of lasting cultural value....Since (1996) we have been identifying online publications and archiving those that we consider have national significance....We would like to include A.E.Brain blog site in the PANDORA Archive...-Australian National Library