Author
Topic: the OC corner (Read 13789 times)

This is a place for the presentation and discussion of original characters in the nasuverse. Satoshi is one of mine but I know there are others out there.

I want to be clear that this thread is to be a safe place, be polite, respectful and accept that the answers you receive are not always going to be the one you want, accept them gracefully and do not cause a scene because you disagree with interpretations.

I will present my characters later but for the moment I am somewhat out of touch on pain killers.

I suppose the only one that applies would be my Nameless Enforcer from Clockworking, a magus who in a (Rather heretical and dehumanizing fashion) removed his own limbs to replace them with steampunkish contraptions that could take punishment better and apply more force. He's also a specialist in blood magic.

I really don't have much more on him than that aside from the fact that he's pretty much on the fast track to being a self induced sociopath.

Well tells us about mu mord. As for your character arch is that really it? He sounds like he's conceptually a character who deserves more details. I mean he is intriguing but more is better when it comes to enforcer characters.

Well tells us about mu mord. As for your character arch is that really it? He sounds like he's conceptually a character who deserves more details. I mean he is intriguing but more is better when it comes to enforcer characters.

That's really it. He was made for a one shot action sequence so yeah, not much more than "Basic character Info Here" was required for him.

In terms of actually having a story to them, the only OC that really qualifies is my freelancer who lives in Montreal. He currently only has one story to him(Another Day, Another Job), but back during the contest he was in, I had like five story ideas and he was protagonist to them all. So maybe he might pop up again.

His name's William Templar, but it started out as William Lebreaux. Used to be he was heir to the Lebreaux magus family, who are a bunch of france frenchies who have a home in London to stay close to the clocktower. They remain very close to their ancestry however, and drill their children with the french language from a young age.

A stoic man of few words, many grunts and a temper he has to restrain every now and then, William is still at his core a magus and spends many hours studying and researching to improve his craft. His element is fire, and he fights by using his familial crest and an old family staff he took before leaving home, which pretty much acts as a voice-activated revolver with a ''Fire Everything'' command, instead that it shoots firebolts instead of lead.

BACKSTORY: The Lebreaux family had two sons, and both were trained as magi by demand of the patriarch. In standard fashion, however, the first son was born with more and better circuitry than his brother. The first son was William, and his brother, forced to live in his shadow in both status, magic ability and size, was a meek boy called Pascal. These two brothers were very close.

After their mother died and only a week later their father had decided to remarry, William flew into a rage and beat his dad (Who didn't fight back, what if something happened to the familial crest when he did?) within an inch of his life and ran away from home, finding himself lost and alone. He wandered the streets of London with no one to turn to, until his brother finally caught up to him while accompanied by an old man.

Unknown to William, the old man was his grandfather on his mother's side. He introduced himself as Jean-François Dubois, and told him he had somewhere for him to live, if he were to take on a job. It was simple: Protect Jean-François's spiritual land in his many absences, as one of the lead researchers of the Clocktower's archaeology department. His spiritual land, a place which drew inhabitants long before the colonists came running, was in a place considered a backwater by the modern magus society: Canada.

Figuring he needed someplace to live, someplace preferably as far as possible from his jerk father, William accepted. He said his goodbyes to his brother, and promised that he'd find a way to stay in contact. At the tender age of 18, William left home and London for the first time of his life, and would only return ten years later, in a story not yet told. He changed his name as well, to make sure he had no ties to the father he despised.

He settled into a small apartment, and started working odd jobs for whoever could pay to add to his influx of money from Jean-François. After a particular case where a return client asked him to spy on her husband whom she thought was having an affair, when it turned out he'd become a criminal, William entertained the possibility of becoming a private detective. Oddly enough, private detectives looked no different from freelancers to his average Magus Client, something he never really particularly minded.

Young and easily influenced, he used his pay from that time to buy himself a longcoat, which he later learned was called a Duster, just to look like all the other detectives from the books he'd read. He spent time and effort into turning the duster into a mystic code, one that provided defense and masked his presence by catching his residual od.

Only later did he realize the coat made him look like a fool and he regretted ever buying it. By then it was already completely a mystic code, however, and he did not really have the time to redo the process on something else. And it did provide good coverage, being so long. So when he worries for his health before leaving to handle a job, he begrudgingly takes it with him. He also dropped the title of private detective, and simply advertises himself as a freelancer, one who can take care of whatever you need. The ambiguous title lessened his normal-people clientele and got him looks from the police, but the latter he was getting anyway and the former he didn't really mind, seeing as Magus clientele paid in ridiculous amounts.

It was after his little tryst as a private detective that he started refusing Jean-François's money, because he figured he shouldn't get paid twice for doing one job.

On one of his many jobs did he encounter the mysterious figure Anne, who had decided that she liked William and would help him keep the peace in the city. She would only help him when something supernatural was involved, however. Her aid has proven invaluable, but her attitude has also proven grating and a test to William's patience as well. Somehow, Anne has found a way to monitor the entirety of Montreal, even areas thought inn inaccessible. William has no idea how this works, but it has proven useful to him on many occasions. And asking another Magus how their stuff works, mostly when they are an ally, is incredibly rude and terrible form because of the way mystery functions in the nasuverse.

In the story Another Day, Another Job, William gets a wolf puppy, one of Fenrir's descendants, a fact hardly even noticeable because the blood is so diluted. This particular puppy he was allowed to have only because of two things: 1) The puppy was already looked over and know to have no mystic potential whatsoever, and doubled with that had a nasty infection in one of its eyes made it both half-blind and unpresentable and 2) the man who gave him the job, Johnathan McKagan, was not a magus, was winging it at this point because the happenings were all unexpected, and he was told to dispose of the puppy anyway.

William later called the puppy Wodan(Another way of saying Odin) to make fun of it's single working eye. The puppy itself never developed any mystic talent, but grew to be massive and has an abnormal amount of magic resistance. Wodan never really forgot what William did to its mother, but at the same time does not take its revenge because William feeds him. He does go out of his way to make William's life difficult though, whenever he has the occasion.

So yeah, there's my OC and his orchestra.

Honestly, I had another story planned for William. I'm not sure if I'll ever get to it, though, because I've in such a rut right now it's not even funny.

And no, William still doesn't know that Jean-François is his grandpa.

AND NO HE'S NOT DRESDEN LITE HE HATES HIS COAT HIS DOG HATES HIM HIS STAFF IS A REVOLVER INSTEAD OF A SWISS ARMY KNIFE AND HE DOESN'T MAKE REFERENCES EVERY TWO LINES LIKE A GIGANTIC NERD

See that's just neat. OC's are requirement I think to keep fan fiction from becoming too similar. It's the little guys that make the story.

I have a big OC though so he's more prominent.

the story starts like this, Aoko Zelretch and Merlin enter origin and find that Crimson Moon is fused with Angra Manyu and the moon. Why? Because the multiverse theory states everything is possible and that the bad guy only needs to win once to collapse all of reality. They surmise that they could summon every hero in very universe and stop the end of everything.

the problem is three fold however. One Zelretch can no longer use the second magic. Two Merlin cannot link origin to the normal world with his own energies. Three Aoko can't find a hero to defeat crim because history says Crimson Moon won.

Knowing this they choose a timeline to shatter to solve these issues and force a paradox. This paradox is Satoshi. Ok, well the editor is getting slow so I'll post more later but I hope everyone understands so far.

continuing.

The three sever the time line and begin to modify the paradox to suit their ends. First they cause Gilgamesh to kill Satoshi as a child. Shattering his soul and leaving the majority of it to be protected by the lady of the lake. Saber then gave him Avalon desperate to save her child. His body a receptor for Avalon (the isle) and the fairies magic connected through the noble phantasm caused his growth to continue and with the other pieces of his soul spread to other worlds his Origin became Unification and Restoration causing him to have a psychological desire to fix broken objects, relationships etcetera.

after Gilgamesh nearly killed him Saber finally relented and began to train her son. She reached out to other heroes from the grail war to do so.

Hercules and Medea taught him Wrestling, Endurance and survival in Hercules case and Magic theory in Medea's. Later the Latter position would be taken by Merlin. Aoko came to be an association teacher as a result of past events leaving Rin Tohsaka in charge of the association. Aoko would become Satoshi's sponsor of sorts and train and befriend the boy.

Satoshi would later be the test subject for the later named Rider Arm, a belt device created by Rin Tohsaka as a reverse engineering of Zelretch's kaldo Ruby. The prototype attuned to the user (Satoshi) and drew his soul rather than just energy to him from the other worlds. This means that as the later dubbed Rider Crimson is Satoshi fighting at 1500 Times his final power (this assumes Ruby Causes a girl to assume 1000 times their normal ability) this also gave Rin false data on the project leading to a side project later on.

Satoshi learned how to use firearms secretly from his grandfather, although disliking the practice and not having mastery of the craft he knows more than enough to use them.

Satoshi for years expressed a hatred of animals caused by the lost of a familiar created by Medea at Saber's request. This familiar was Satoshi's first friend, a stuffed lion named Gao who could grow as big as a van and appear as a real lion with all the ferocity of the real thing. The pair were reunited sometime after Satoshi's revival after his first death.

Mu is the last heir to an old eastern magus clan, the Munashi to be specific. In terms of relevance the Munashi were practically the japanese version of the Irish Fraga Clan, like the Fraga the Munashi could trace their lineage back to the Age of Gods and to a priest-turned-sellsword who had recovered a weapon, a Naginata which the clan would safeguard. The naginata was in fact the Amenonuhoko, the heavenly jewelled spear used by the shinto genesis gods Izanami and Izanagi to create the islands of Japan. Mu's family would watch over the weapon and safeguard it existence, keeping it out of the grasp of the more power hungry individuals. Mu's clan had two strongholds, one located at Hiroshima which hosted the majority of his clan's numbers in which all of whom were wiped out in 1945 and the other being in Tokyo which functioned as the Clan's storage facility for achieves, treasures, and weapons. After the second world war came to an end, Mu's clan which numbered in the hundreds before the war was reduced to just over fifty survivors with less than a quarter of them being capable of reproducing.

Due to that and time itself, Mu was the only child of his generation to be born. Upon reaching his mid-teens, very few elder members remained in the clan and many of them were on their last legs. Before he reached his 18th birthday the very last elder died in his sleep, Mu taking the initiative began to pack away all of the artifacts, achieves, and treasures acquired by the Munashi clan over the years as well as the arsenal of weapons used and enhanced by his clan members. Rather than remain in a decrepit old compound, alone and to himself he chose to set the last stronghold of the Munashi clan alight before leaving the scene. With his own custom arsenal of weapons and those of his predecessors, Mu made a name for himself as an assassin and mercenary for hire. Now Mu was not poor, his clan had made a great deal of arrangements over the years prior to and after the war that had resulted in a great deal of money in the Munashi accounts. For example Mu's great grandfather made a deal with the Fraga clan of Ireland by offering a pair of artifacts to the Fraga in exchange for the price of just one artifact and lessons in the workings and crafting of Irish Runes, one of those artifacts would later be used for the fifth war by Bazett Fraga McRemittz to summon the Hound of Ulster with the second being a piece of rune-inscribed cloth belonging to Scathach. Or in another case where his clan sold an artifact later used by Kayneth Archibald the late El-Melloi, to summon Lancer in the fourth holy grail war.

Prior to arriving in Nexus city, he was expected to go off on a job to a hostile region, a region where he was not aware of the recent arrival of a magus-turned-dead apostle that had only just begun operating there. Mu didn't know this and neither did his employer, had Mu not been plucked and deposited in Nexus City he would have had to face a dead apostle or worse encounter Lady Barthomelloi's hunting party that was set to go after the former magus.

Logged

If you must address me as something, it is not MG! Please address me as Mord if you need to shorten my name

See that's just neat. OC's are requirement I think to keep fan fiction from becoming too similar. It's the little guys that make the story.

I have a big OC though so he's more prominent.

the story starts like this, Aoko Zelretch and Merlin enter origin and find that Crimson Moon is fused with Angra Manyu and the moon. Why? Because the multiverse theory states everything is possible and that the bad guy only needs to win once to collapse all of reality. They surmise that they could summon every hero in very universe and stop the end of everything.

the problem is three fold however. One Zelretch can no longer use the second magic. Two Merlin cannot link origin to the normal world with his own energies. Three Aoko can't find a hero to defeat crim because history says Crimson Moon won.

I... what? Multiverse theory doesn't state that you moron. Multiverse means that there's one universe that he wins in. That's it. Not all of them, just ONE. And how the fuck is Zel no longer the second sorcerer. How. Just. How.

Quote

Knowing this they choose a timeline to shatter to solve these issues and force a paradox. This paradox is Satoshi. Ok, well the editor is getting slow so I'll post more later but I hope everyone understands so far.

continuing.

The three sever the time line and begin to modify the paradox to suit their ends. First they cause Gilgamesh to kill Satoshi as a child. Shattering his soul and leaving the majority of it to be protected by the lady of the lake. Saber then gave him Avalon desperate to save her child. His body a receptor for Avalon (the isle) and the fairies magic connected through the noble phantasm caused his growth to continue and with the other pieces of his soul spread to other worlds his Origin became Unification and Restoration causing him to have a psychological desire to fix broken objects, relationships etcetera.

after Gilgamesh nearly killed him Saber finally relented and began to train her son. She reached out to other heroes from the grail war to do so.

...I have no words for how stupid this is. This is... just... fucking idiotic. Fucking idiotic. It doesn't even make any sense. At all. It's like, you... I can't. It's so bad that criticizing it is futile.

Quote

Hercules and Medea taught him Wrestling, Endurance and survival in Hercules case and Magic theory in Medea's. Later the Latter position would be taken by Merlin. Aoko came to be an association teacher as a result of past events leaving Rin Tohsaka in charge of the association. Aoko would become Satoshi's sponsor of sorts and train and befriend the boy.

LANTZ THIS IS THE FUCKING REASON WE CRY SUE - IT MAKES NO SENSE, IS CONTRIVED AS FUCK, MAKES YOUR OC THE CHOSEN ONE FOR NO FUCKING DECENTLY PLAUSIBLE REASON WHAT SO EVER, OVERPOWERS HIM INTO THE STRATOSPHERE, MAKES ME WANT TO BEAT HIS HEAD IN WITH A CROWBAR, AND SCREAM LIKE A MADMAN.

I... what? Multiverse theory doesn't state that you moron. Multiverse means that there's one universe that he wins in. That's it. Not all of them, just ONE. And how the fuck is Zel no longer the second sorcerer. How. Just. How.

Not if his plan is to destroy Akasha or corrupt itself, which is outside any individual universe.

I don't know the exact detail of what Lantz is doing here, but I have had a similar plot idea before. Whether it's actually possible I'm not sure, Nasu is not overly clear on these things....

LANTZ THIS IS THE FUCKING REASON WE CRY SUE - IT MAKES NO SENSE, IS CONTRIVED AS FUCK, MAKES YOUR OC THE CHOSEN ONE FOR NO FUCKING DECENTLY PLAUSIBLE REASON WHAT SO EVER, OVERPOWERS HIM INTO THE STRATOSPHERE, MAKES ME WANT TO BEAT HIS HEAD IN WITH A CROWBAR, AND SCREAM LIKE A MADMAN.

Magos, cut it out. We don't want you attacking Lantz in every thread you can find, and we certainly don't want you flipping out every time Satoshi is mentioned. If you can't keep calm and refrain from attacking Lantz, then don't bother commenting.