What To Do When Life Doesn’t Go As Planned

Little did I know that the drive that should have taken seven or eight hours to get home, and ended up closer to thirteen, was a foreshadowing of the long and exaggerated hours that would punctuate the next week. Other events not originally on our calendar became emergent and non-negotiable, and left us trying to figure out how to cope—each of us individually, but also collectively as a family.

We had stopped part-way through our drive home on a holiday weekend to have lunch at one of our favorite restaurants with friends in a city I previously called home. Conversation flowed easily and it warmed our hearts to catch up. We ended our time together with each family asking the other, “How can we pray for you?” We parted company eager to make the last leg of our drive home but looking forward to seeing them again whenever God opened a way.

Within moments of getting back on the interstate, and stuck in traffic (apparently everyone else was driving home after the holiday weekend too!), my husband mentioned chest discomfort. But he is NOT a complainer, so any mention of discomfort or pain is something I know to take seriously with him.

“It’s probably just heartburn,” he said, trying to allay my concerns.

In our 29 years of marriage, I’ve never known him to have heartburn. I messaged my three closest friends and asked them to pray for our travel safety and for his well-being. When we finally pulled into the driveway at home, exhausted, he went straight to bed, still not well.

When he changed the description from “discomfort” to “pain” the next morning, we called his oncologist who had been treating him for cancer over the last several months. She wisely advised him to go straight to the emergency room. By then he had chest pain that radiated up and over his shoulder and down into his back, and he couldn’t get a full breath of air without discomfort.

Blood work was immediately taken, and scans and imaging were run. Staff ran in and out of his room, checking, double checking, and conferring, before he was ultimately diagnosed with multiple bilateral pulmonary embolisms, probably due to the chemotherapy thickening his blood. He didn’t care for the treatment but acquiesced: more medication and a multiple day stay in the hospital.

He looked discouraged as he relayed, “I’m sorry Honey.”

Tears formed in my eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You are right where you need to be. I’m thanking God right now that you are here. This could have happened while we were out of town and landed you in a hospital out of state. Your doctor could have listened to you, assumed it was heartburn, and not sent you to the emergency room to be assessed in time. You could have thrown a clot to your heart or your brain. Don’t be sorry. Be thankful. God has taken care of us and we will trust that He will continue to do so.”

What do we do when the diagnosis isn’t what we wanted?
What do we do when the month is longer than the paycheck?
What do we do when the pain and heartache seem too painful to bear?
What do we do when we have more questions than answers?
What do we do when people let us down?

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17 Comments

Today I need to give my worries about my husband’s dementia (and hearing issues) over to God…I need to trust He has it already taken care of, and I don’t need to worry; yet, I do worry! What should I do? Can he – should he – still be driving? How will he react when the doctor tells him he probably should not? What will his actions be to me? I must trust God, and seek his refuge and strength…

BUT IT IS HARD!

So thankful I saved this to read today! Your words have helped; though I know there is a LONG road ahead of us!

continually startles me that the deepest growth in trust comes from deepest trials. our human penchant for self-reliance must make it so. blessings on you and how God is allowing such stretches for your family. may today you find rest in your soul and body! sue

My dad who was once full of laughter and life is… well, not the man he used to be. I never imagined that an unknown and diagnosed malady would steal his voice and vitality. I’ve had my last conversation with him. There are no answers as to “why” but only that God is in control and He sustains us even when the answers never come. Thanks for your honest and encouraging post.

I am so glad your hubby is OK and I hope he will continue to recover–even have a miraculous healing from cancer. I often think of the quote (attributed to multiple people) that “life is what happens when we’re making other plans.” And it’s true–all we can do is trust God, believing He will do what’s best for us in His timing.

Such truth here, Dr. Michelle. I’m in the midst of a wait right now and I’m daily reminding myself that God is big enough and He is so very trustworthy. Thank you for more confirmation today. Glad to have visited you from #thoughtprovokingthursday. I’m tweeting and pinning too!

So much did NOT go as planned in 2016. Too many losses, too much uncertainty, too many instances that took my breath away. It was excruciating. Painful. Heartbreaking. Losing my mom was one of them….and your husband’s episode was much like one we had earlier in 2016 with my mom, so I was reliving it as I was reading your words. But the one constant…the one thing that has never changed…is Jesus. He is still there, ruling over all, knowing the answers before the questions are asked, and I have to remember that every moment of every day. It’s the only thing that gets me through….believing and trusting and having faith that He has a purpose for all things. Thank you for sharing your story/your husband’s story. Even in the bad, God is still so very good….