Thanks, Russia: Anti-gay policies make hating you cool again (Column)

In this photo taken Tuesday, May 21, 2013 police officers check documents while patrolling in the Black Sea resort of Sochi, southern Russia. Police, security and medical personnel in Sochi have conducted dozens of drills to train for potential threats. Drones hovering overhead, robotic vehicles roaming Olympic venues to search for explosives, high-speed patrol boats sweeping the Black Sea coast _ Russian officials say they will be using cutting-edge technology to make sure the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi will be â œthe safest Olympics in history."
(Artur Lebedev, Associated Press/Associated Press)

The Cold War ended when I was just reaching adulthood, so I haven't had the opportunity to actively hate the Ruskies. I was so primed for it, you know? I mean, I grew up with “The Day After' and the Star Wars missile defense program and “Spies LIke Us.'

Well, as you might imagine, I just couldn't get excited about hating the Iraqis, and so for all this time, I've had nowhere to put my jingoistic-inspired anger.

Until now. Now I have reason to feel great upset at the Red Menace.

Why? Because they're idiots, that's why, by making homosexuals — and anyone who talks about homosexuality — criminals.

A recently passed law is as straightforward as it's scary. In a nutshell: You're not allowed to engage in any propaganda for the LGBT community. Can't talk to children about gay issues. Can't hold gay events, can't defend gay rights, can't attempt to equate homosexuals to heterosexuals. Can't, quite simply, be gay. The law applies to Russians. It applies to foreigners. It applies to everyone.

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It also will apply to the 2014 Winter Olympic games taking place in Sochi, Russia. Basically, if you're gay or talk about being gay or say that being gay is anything but disgusting and immoral, you could be arrested and prosecuted.

In the face of some heavy international pressure, the Russian government is claiming they're going to back off the laws when the Olympics roll into to town. They don't want gay athletes and fans from other countries to feel ill at ease.

That's a bunch of gay baloney right there. Mother Russia will hold off on destroying the civil rights of gays for a few weeks while the entire world is watching? Nonsense. It's shameful.

In fact, the parallels to the 1936 Summer Olympics in Berlin are striking. Adolf Hitler and the Nazi Party did not want blacks or Jews participating, and only relented when international pressure grew. So everyone came, participated in the Olympics and then left. The international press was laudatory of the Nazis and their hospitality. A headline (or some of a headline) from the New York Times, August 16, 1936 read: “Visitors to Olympics Carrying Away Highly Favorable Impression of Reich; GERMANY REALIZED HOPES IN OLYMPICS Propaganda Aimed at Creating Pleasing Impression of Reich Successful. CITIZENS AIDED WILLINGLY Courtesy and Hospitality Met Visitors — Cleanliness of Berlin Keen Memory.'

See that? The Nazis put their best foot forward despite themselves and were congratulated for it.

We all know how that story ended.

The bottom line is simple: The world cannot sit back and allow the Russian government to ban homosexuality. Pressure needs to put on them to reconsider their stance. It's high time we, as humans, stop caring about what two (or more, cha-cha-cha) consenting adults do in the privacy of their own homes. It's ridiculous we're still dealing with this as a species.

And if you do care deeply about this, and think being anti-gay is a good and proper stance to take, just ask yourself: How would you feel if other people thought something you did, something that came as naturally to you as taking a breath and that didn't hurt another soul, was a criminal act? (And if you think being gay is a choice, I have a YouTube video for you to see. It's a guy asking people if being gay is a choice. People say yes. He then asks these same people when they “chose' to be straight.)

Right now, as we speak, there's talk from some about boycotting the Olympics, talk from others saying that only hurts the athletes, talk that cuts it down the middle.

I've got an idea: We go to the Olympics, and when two (or three) same-sex Americans share a medal ceremony together, they start making out.

An even better idea would be for every single country to band together and boycott as one, and then just hold a pared-down Olympics somewhere else. Lake Placid is nice that time of year.

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