I'm not exactly in an interfaith
relationship myself - it's more of an intra-faith situation. My
boyfriend and I were both raised in Orthodox Jewish homes, but
he's an atheist and I'm still observant.

He hosts a Christmas party every
year, a tradition that began when he and a non-religious Muslim
friend decided to celebrate the holiday in the corniest way
possible, complete with holiday-themed charades and ugly
sweaters. As per a long-held Jewish tradition, he also procures
Chinese food for the occasion (from a kosher takeout place, for
my sake).

He's supportive of my observance
on a regular basis, joining me for Shabbat and reserving a
"kosher korner" in his kitchen. So it's nice to return the favor
by enjoying the secular Christmas shenanigans he's brought into
my life.

I wanted to talk to other couples
and families who bridge religious and cultural differences to
make Christmas, Hanukkah, and other festive occasions their
own.

Here's how six interfaith couples
and families celebrate the holidays. Their responses have been
condensed and edited for clarity.

Anya's father's family is Jewish. Her mother's family is Armenian
Orthodox.

caption

Anya, her mother, and brother lighting Hanukkah candles.

source

Courtesy

My immediate family is Jewish, as is my dad's side. My mom
never converted as she's not personally religious, although she's
very involved in our synagogue and we have a Jewish home. Her
family is Armenian Orthodox, and her mother (my grandma) was
Catholic.

The winter holidays are the only ones we split. Otherwise, we
celebrate only Jewish holidays in my immediate family, but the
Christmas family traditions are important to my mom, so my
brother, my dad, and I celebrate with her.

Apparently as a little kid I told strangers that "We
don't celebrate Christmas, except I have to go to my grandma's
for Christmas because it's not really Christmas for her unless
I'm there."

Christmas Eve is a big party with all the extended family from my
mom's side - cousins, second cousins, aunts, uncles, a bunch of
assorted people I can't quite place - with potluck appetizers and
carols around the piano. It's all very Norman Rockwell. I look
forward to it every year.

caption

Anya's uncle wearing an "Oy Vey" sweater in front of a Christmas tree.

source

Courtesy

Hanukkah, since it's a relatively
minor holiday in the Jewish calendar, isn't always one we can
spend together. Since we usually spend Christmas with my mom's
family, and we've often just traveled home for the High Holy Days
in the fall, we usually don't all come together for Hanukkah as
well. My mother (still, even though we're all grown up) will mail
us one big box, wherever we may be. Inside are eight beautifully
wrapped gifts, one for every night of the holiday. Usually, my
brother and I will FaceTime home so that we can light candles and
say the prayers together.

We don't have a lot of particular "interfaith" traditions
for the winter holidays, since Christmas is sort of its own
separate thing, though sometimes my brother and I will convince
Mom to make her latkes (the best in the world!) for Christmas
dinner.

However, one of my favorite holiday traditions all year long is
in the spring. During Passover, we always pass out hard-boiled
eggs, a traditional symbol of the festival. Then, in a break with
Jewish tradition, we play the Armenian Easter game of egg wars,
where you tap your egg against someone else's. Whoever's doesn't
break is the winner. I'm pretty sure my mom cheats.

Sam was raised Jewish with a Presbyterian mother and Jewish
father.

caption

Sam's family celebrating Christmas in matching pajamas.

source

Courtesy

My mom is Presbyterian and my dad is Jewish (Conservative). My
dad's father was a Holocaust survivor and it was important that
my brothers and I were raised Jewish. We were converted to
Judaism at birth and practiced as Conservative Jews.

Growing up, both sets of holidays had a strong presence
in our house.

When it was developmentally appropriate, it was explained to us
that "we help mom to celebrate her holidays in the same way that
she helps us to celebrate our holidays."

When I went to college, I started to become more observant. My
practices most align with Modern Orthodoxy, but I don't identify
that way unless I'm required to check off a box. My husband was
raised in an Orthodox Jewish Persian home. He grew up observing
all Jewish laws and practicing both Chabad and Sephardic customs.

At some point, my brothers and I become very resistant to
doing Christmas things.

Picking out a tree, decorating the tree, listening to Christmas
music 24/7 ... We have a clock in the kitchen that plays a
Christmas song every hour on the hour. We hate that clock but it
brings my mom so much joy. We've learned to be less resistant.

Christmas is predominantly considered a family day in our house.
We order Chinese food for our Christmas Eve dinner (my mom would
never give up her Christmas dinner) and then head to my mom's
church for a service. Afterwards, we head to my grandma's house
to help her decorate her tree. All of the grandkids (and now
grandadults) change into matching pajamas and take endless photos
together. We then head outside with a special mix of reindeer
food (oatmeal to eat and glitter to see from the sky) and
sprinkle it all over the lawn.

caption

Christmas gets complicated when it coincides with Shabbat.

source

Courtesy

Every year we have a huge Hanukkah party for all of our friends
and family. My mom cooks up a ton of food and now also has a
"kosher counter" for me and my husband. Everyone enjoys eating
while looking at the huge Christmas village that my mom builds
every year. Once it's dark, everyone sets up their menorahs by
the window and we light candles and sing together.

It's really difficult when Christmas falls on
Shabbat.

Finding a balance between observing the laws of Shabbat and
celebrating the day in our traditional ways can get very
complicated. It was also tough when I broached the topic with my
husband about joining my family for Christmas. As someone who had
never been exposed to anything Christmas-related, it was
uncomfortable for him (and continues to be so) to sit by a
Christmas tree and receive Christmas presents. Family is a big
value to both of us, so we're constantly talking about the
discomfort and figuring out ways to approach these differences.

Yael grew up in an Orthodox Jewish home. She's been with Philip,
who was raised Catholic, for three and a half years.

caption

Yael wearing a Santa hat and a Hanukkah sweater.

source

Courtesy

I grew up Orthodox [Jewish] but I haven't been practicing for the
last decade. I am very traditional in that I celebrate most
holidays in some way or another, and I am part of a couple Jewish
organizations (mostly Chabad). Philip technically was Catholic as
a child. I'd say he is agnostic, but to him Christmas is a time
for family and has nothing to do with religion.

I honestly try to stay holiday neutral with decorations (other
than the tree and menorahs). For Christmas we decorate the tree
together. Every year I get a new ornament with the year on it so
that one day we will have tons of them to show all the years
we've spent together.

The important thing for both of us during the holiday season is
family and being together.

It's actually nice that we come from different
backgrounds because there is never the conversation of whose
family we are going to that year - we get to see both of our
families every year.

caption

Yael and Philip light Hanukkah candles together.

source

Courtesy

We always go to my mom's house for one night of Hanukkah to eat
latkes and open presents and the rest of the time we light
candles together. I really like
that we always light Hanukkah candles together every night.
We usually sit there quietly for a few minutes after we
light them and just watch them flicker. It's very peaceful.

His family does every other year as a big Christmas up north at
his uncle's lodge. It honestly is something out of the movies
with 25 to 30 people up there. We go into the woods and cut down
a tree and drag it back. Everybody makes ornaments together and
bakes cookies. There's cocoa, snowball fights, snowmobiles and
lots of card games.

caption

They spend every other Christmas with Philip's family in a lodge.

source

Courtesy

It's not all sunshine and daisies with an interfaith
relationship. There is a lot of compromise that goes into finding
what works.

When we first met I told him that I would never have a tree in my
house and that really upset him because it's a huge part of him
and his childhood. He comes to all the Jewish holidays, and I
realized that I wasn't being fair saying we couldn't honor his
culture. I am someone that if I'm in it's 100%, so I have fully
embraced Christmas and I'm probably more into it now than he is.

Caroline's mother is Episcopalian and her father is Jewish.

My mom was raised in a practicing Catholic family. She is
now Episcopalian. My dad was raised Jewish and my parents were
married in an interfaith marriage. My mom was the first person to
marry outside the faith, but my grandparents were wonderful about
it. My middle sister and I spent six years going to Hebrew school
once a week, and currently identify as Jewish, though certain
portions of our own faith don't recognize us as my mom never
converted.

We have always been very close with my mother's family, so I have
celebrated Christmas my entire life, though not really in a
religious sense. However, Christmas Eve is one time a year my
dad, middle sister, and I attend church, though we don't take
communion. We do have a tree, but it is covered in ornaments that
we've made at school over the years, a couple dreidels, and
ornaments from wherever we have traveled that year. My dad also
puts out his Hannukah lights (they have eight different settings)
and changes some of our lightbulbs to be blue (which is very
annoying, but we get it).

After opening our gifts on Christmas, we eat French toast
and watch "Fiddler on the Roof."

For Hanukkah, we'd light the candles every night and have a party
over our school break. When I was little this would often happen
on New Year's Eve. My dad would make latkes, jelly donuts, noodle
kugel, and brisket, and our guests would help out with the rest.
We normally also made a cake in the shape of a dreidel and my dad
had these plastic dreidel cups that you could fill with ice
cream.

I both enjoy and am slightly unsettled by the fact that I
celebrate Christmas.

Growing up interfaith was hard because I never quite felt like I
belonged and thought of myself as an impostor. During the
Christmas church service, I would often wonder if I "passed" as
Christian and if I wanted to. I continue to be hurt by the Jewish
reaction to my interfaith status because I often feel that I am
not Jewish enough for Jews. I am often the most secure when I'm
the only Jew in a room because then I have the power to define my
faith.

Gal grew up in a Conservative Jewish home. She and Justin, who
was raised Christian, have been together for 11 years and married
for one.

caption

Gal and Justin celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas.

source

Courtesy

I was raised in a Conservative Jewish home and community, with
emphasis on spirituality and Israeli cultural traditions. Justin
was raised in a Christian household, but is currently not
actively practicing, as he finds meaning and spirituality in
nature and through his work in music.

Christmastime for us is all about family and family
traditions.

For the last 10 years of our relationship, we have created a
tradition of traveling to Justin's hometown, Michigan City,
Indiana, to spend time with his family.

Justin and I generally celebrate Hanukkah in our home together,
singing songs, lighting candles, and eating traditional foods
like latkes and sfinge (Moroccan style fried donuts). When
Hanukkah falls around the same time as Christmas, and we are in
Michigan City for the holiday, I always makes latkes and light
the Hanukkah candles, as Justin's family is eager to get involved
and be part of my Jewish traditions.

caption

For Gal and Justin, the holidays are a time for family.

source

Courtesy

I came from a family that values their holiday traditions,
as we acknowledge the relationship to our ancestors and the
importance of remaining connected to them and to the Jewish
consciousness that is present in each holiday. Hanukkah is the
major holiday during the winter time, and although this is not a
"high holiday," it generally falls close to Christmas and has
become a very festive and joyous time in America. This has
allowed our family traditions to develop further than those
traditions in Israel.

Additionally, winter time showed us early on in our
relationship that even though we grew up with different religions
and traditions, our core values are the same.

This is exactly why we are able to build an interfaith home
together with general ease, love, and openness. Since our values
and ideas of "home," love, caring, and family are aligned, we are
able to appreciate each other's traditions and build new
traditions in our own household to elevate each holiday and
create an atmosphere of love.

Julia comes from an interfaith home and has been in an interfaith
relationship for three years.

My father was raised in a religious Catholic home in Puerto
Rico. He considers himself more spiritual than any kind of
religion. My mother was raised in a kosher home. I grew up in a
home that wasn't kosher and only went to shul on the high
holidays and special occasions. I became more religious on my own
when I was a teenager.

My boyfriend grew up in a Catholic home. He was baptized,
had a communion, and had a confirmation. His mother made them go
to church every week for a while but gave up eventually. He talks
about going back to church every once in a while. For now, his
religion is just something he thinks about, not something he
really follows.

My holiday celebrations have changed some over the
years, but there are two things that have never changed, one for
Christmas and one for Hanukkah.

The first is my Irish Christmas. My mother's best friend
Joan Marie is Irish Catholic. My mother has been going to Joan
Marie's family for Christmas Eve for over three decades. Her very
large family (she is one of 10 children) celebrates Christmas Eve
all together. The only times that I have missed Christmas Eve
with my Irish family is the year I was in Israel, and one winter
when I was away at USY International Convention. We all open
presents and stockings. There's a whole lot of children. They all
make food and bring in Chinese food, and there are desserts with
no end, and lots of drinking. No one minds that I bring my own
food to eat.

The second holiday celebration that has not changed is
Hanukkah with my mother's family. My mother's sister and her
daughters, and my zayde and bubbe (until her passing, then his)
would gather at one of their houses for bagels, latkes, and
presents. My Irish grandmother had crocheted my
family "Hanukkah Stockings" that we put up, they were just
regular stockings but blue and white instead of red and white. We
lit candles together every night as a family, and my father
always helped, and even learned to say the blessings in Hebrew
with us. My parents would give us little presents on the first
seven days, and one big present on the last day.

I have been with my boyfriend for three years now and we
have lived together for five months. Since this is the first year
living with my boyfriend for the holidays, I will probably light
candles with him. We usually each get each other two presents, or
a two-part present, so we can give one on Hanukkah and one on
Christmas.

As for holiday traditions as a couple? I am not
sure yet.

I am trying to think of ways to make the holiday season
special for us both, but I am still working on it.