Friday, September 7, 2012

BSNYC Friday Spondee!

And you'll no doubt be pleased to know that cycling has made the top five:

TOP 2011 SUMMONSES

1 OPEN CONTAINER/CONSUMING ALCOHOL IN PUBLIC 123,8242 DISORDERLY CONDUCT 78,829

3 RIDING A BICYCLE ON A SIDEWALK 27,979

4 PUBLIC URINATION 14,281

5 TRESPASSING 13,456

As a New York City cyclist, I'm honored to be represented among all the drunks and public urinators. Plus, sidewalk riding and public peeing go together like steel tubing and exquisitely carved lugs. I mean, when you're riding home from the bar and you stop to relieve yourself in a phone booth it's not like you're going to bother to get off the bike and walk it, right? Nevertheless, not everybody's happy:

Still, some New Yorkers think cops could make better use of their time.

"They're not focusing on the right things," said Adam Green, 21, of Borough Park. Green said he got two summonses for disorderly conduct and reckless driving after police saw him drive the wrong way on a one-way street for what he estimated to be the length of one house.

"You can call and call and call and they never come for real emergencies, but you do something small and stupid like this and they're right there," Green said.

I happen to think ticketing car salmon is a perfectly excellent use of police time and resources. Plus, he actually admits he did something stupid, which is why summonses were invented. They're prizes for being stupid. And when did the length of a domicile become an acceptable unit of measurement anyway? There are houses in that part of Brooklyn that are the size of Vancouver, WA. Maybe next time I get ticketed for a sidewalk ride-and-pee I'll use the defense that I only did it for a third of a yurt and only issued forth enough urine to fill half a Barbie Mailibu Dreamhouse.

By the way, the capital of New York City sidewalk riding is apparently Williamsburg, Brooklyn:

BICYCLE ON SIDEWALK -- Williamsburg 1,745

I'm sure at least a thousand of those riders were merely working on their trackstands.

And now I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the idem, thinque, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see a cyclist becoming unhinged.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and always look over your shoulder when urinating publicly.

Leroy,thanks for the warning yesterday about the tickets blitz in LES. Today I saw a cop on foot grab the handlebars of a lady-hilpster and stop her, as i was passing i heard him say, "i hope you have strong enough legs"

i can only assume that he was referring to the lack of brakes on her fixie, but i could not confirm. perhaps he wants a swift kick to the pants-yabbies?

Robba is currently in court on charges of conflict of interest. Seems butterboy solicited funds for a kids football team using City stationary, then refused to pay back the $3000. When this was brought to city council, he not only participated in debate, the dumbass actually voted, as Mayor.

99% chance he will get kicked out of office on this. The best Lawyer in Canada is going after him like a dog on a soup bone.

The Top Five Summonses list differs in the screenshot and the quoted excerpt: pot possession is replaced by riding on the sidewalk.

There seems to be an opening for humor there, but I haven't been the same since I found out the hard way that a cardboard helmet only meets European safety standards until you urinate on it (which realistically should render the certification meaningless in much of Europe).

The snob is just upset that he can't rip on his idol. I get that it's like when a child who's met Santa Claus is told Santa Claus is just a drunk they pay to tell kids he's real, at first you feel sorry. I guess when they grow up and are an adult but still believe, well that's just sad at that point.

My dog advises that just becuase you didn't get that penis enlargement kit you wanted doesn't mean that Santa isn't real.

As for me, if Santa isn't real, then who's been drinking the milk, eating the cookies and taking the fifth of bourbon my dog insists we put out for Santa each weekend to ensure we get those Nashbar discount coupons year round?

So HunnyBunny(TM) and I are easing through the court square of our little hick burg (Paris not the France one) and 2 women walk out in front of us and I jokingly say "Remember to look both ways" and she says "Yeah but you are riding a bike in the street and you need to be on the sidewalk." True Story.

Once the Robs Fords case is resolved (odds are 99-1 acquittal) Shelly Silver will need the services of his lawyer. I've seen vacant lots that have gates open but are maked "No Tresspassing", so it's possible to do all five at once.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!