It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005!
Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between.
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"Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri
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(pester me at:itsmetsforme@gmail.com or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Caption contest!!

With thanks to a poster on Metsblog, where I stole the link for this picture, I present as a public service, the "Br*ves-hating-Caption Contest." Here, three Br*ves rookies are hazed. As you can see, two of them dressed up as John Smoltz's sister, which, I have heard, is a BIG turn-on for the prince of darkness starter-turned-closer-turned-starter.

Winners will be announced. If you are reading this, there is a good chance that you will win, if you post your caption to the comments section. So, how 'bout it?--a chance to finally be a winner! Don't miss it!

Wash your hands Chipper!

Braves fans wash hands of cleanliness in studyAssociated PressWASHINGTON -- Men are dirtier than women. So scientists confirmed by spying in public restrooms, watching as one-quarter of men left without washing their hands.The worst offenders were at an Atlanta Braves game.In contrast, 90 percent of the women did wash up.Wednesday's results mark the American Society of Microbiology's latest look at how many people take what is considered the single easiest step to staying healthy: spending 20 seconds rubbing with soap under the faucet.It also explains why these infection experts tend to use paper towels to open bathroom doors. There is no telling what germs the person before you left on the knob."It's a gamble," said microbiologist Judy Daly of Primary Children's Medical Center in Salt Lake City, the society's secretary.Back in 1996, the society first studied how often people follow mom's advice to always wash up after using the toilet. Researchers lingered in public restrooms, putting on makeup or combing their hair, while surreptitiously counting. They concluded about one-third of people did not wash.The group sponsored an education campaign about how hand-washing can stop the spread of flu, diarrhea and other infectious diseases. Every few years, researchers repeat the spying.This time, 83 percent of people washed, reported Harris Interactive, a research company that last month monitored more than 6,300 public restroom users for the society.That is a little better overall. But take a closer look:• The worst hygiene was at Atlanta's Turner Field baseball stadium, where 37 percent of men left the bathroom without washing, and 16 percent of the women did.• New York's Penn Station had the biggest gender disparity, where 64 percent of men washed their hands compared with 92 percent of women. Grand Central Station was almost as bad.• The best hygiene was at San Francisco's Ferry Terminal Farmers Market and Chicago's Museum of Science and Industry and Shedd Aquarium, where only about 12 percent of people left without washing.People exaggerate about hygiene. A Harris telephone survey of 1,000 more adults found 91 percent insisted they wash in public restrooms. Additionally, 77 percent claimed to always wash before handling or eating food, and 32 percent after coughing or sneezing.It is hard to double-check the latter claims. But the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says poor hand-washing contributes to almost half of all foodborne disease outbreaks.With influenza season approaching, microbiologists warn that it is easy to catch a cold or the flu by shaking hands with someone who just used that hand to cover a sneeze. The viruses can stay alive for two hours on hands, and for 20 minutes on hard, dry surfaces those germy hands touch.So sneeze into your elbow instead and wash frequently. There is no need for special anti-bacterial cleansers, Daly said, although alcohol-based hand gels can substitute when soap's not available.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Turning Points in a lost Season

Every loosing team needs a scapegoat, and I nominate the man who has blown more for Pedro Martinez than...you finish the line.The Mets haven't had anyone this well versed in dissappointment, so consistently able to let the team down, so perfectly ready to fail in key situations since that big doofus Benitez made us cringe in the Valentine years. One man stands head and shoulders among the rest in terms of responsibility for the wheels coming off. Seemingly sent by Satan to undermine the season, Braden Looper's resume is really quite impressive, in a depressing way:

the LOOPERFILES, 2005:

"¶April 4 at Cincinnati: On opening day, Looper allowed three runs in the ninth, including the winning home run to Joe Randa.¶April 16 versus Florida: In front of a full house at Shea Stadium, Looper denied Pedro Martínez a victory in his home debut by allowing the tying run in the ninth. The Mets won in the bottom half of the inning.¶June 26 at the Yankees: With the Mets three outs away from a sweep of the series , Looper allowed a two-run single to Jason Giambi, and the Yankees won, 5-4.¶Aug. 20 versus Washington: Looper punctuated an awful performance by the bullpen, which allowed eight runs after the seventh inning, by giving up a two-out, two-run double in the ninth. The Mets won in the 10th.And then, of course, came Wednesday."

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

IMFM's Season-ending Open Letters

Dear Willie,Looper is not Mariano. The way you can tell is that Looper sucks and Mariano doesn't. There are many other mets who are not Yankees, but I dont have time to explain that to you. Instead, I'll be sending you my instructional videotape "How to run a bullpen and shake up a batting order." Well it's not so much instructional as me screaming the title into a camera for 1 hr and 30 minutes. But you'll get the idea.

Dear Pedro,Sorry buddy, but who knew that throwing big $$ to add the top two available free agents would result in LAST place again. Commiserate with Tommy Toothless and kiss your winning % goodbye, cause yer a met now. When we're done with you, the Hall of Fame will be a longshot.

Dear Omar,Word around the league is that you don't really know what you're doing. I have suspected this from the start, but I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. I hope you have the good sense to hire someone who does, and soon. Firing Randolph if Pinnella becomes available would be a good start.

Dear Bud Selig,Want to distract people from the Roids scandal and your mismanagement of the all-star game a few years back? Then move the Atlanta franchise back out of the NL East. I know just the place: the AL East. I mean really, whats the point of revenue sharing with this kind of competitive imbalance? 13 freakin years and counting in first place, man--wake up.

Dear Fred Wilpon,What would it take for you to sell me the team? Sure I aint got much but debt, but you got plenty of money, and I'm good for it. You say you're a metsfan, well prove it and sell to me so I can run it correctly. Plus, it would allow you to stop having to pay Mo Vaughn. Think about it.

Petey's coconut

sigh...

"Giles actually put something else in my coconut to learn from," Martinez said. "He ran like somebody was chasing him."That heads-up play put the Braves in front, 3-1, and Martinez, after 102 pitches, waved the white flag in the top of the seventh when he was replaced by a pinch hitter. Coming off a poor start last Wednesday at Shea, when he matched a career high by surrendering four home runs to the Phillies, Martinez was definitely better last night. It's just that he and the Mets weren't good enough to beat the Braves."I was as big as I could be," Martinez said. "I did whatever possible. I can't really predict when a guy's going to bounce the ball in front of the plate, then kill you with the speed like Giles did."

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

On the white flag, and waving it

Ok, ok.So I went out of town for a week, after being glued to my TV set, mets blogs, news sites, etc., all season, and the shmets started loosing. It felt good to be free of their hold on my brain. They lost without my support. Is it my fault?

Ok, ok, so I watched yesterday's game. Turner Field. Dipshit broadcasters. Hubristic, smirking snap catches in center. John Thompson, for cripesake. And I wasn't in the least bit suprised at what happened. But this latest indignity barely registered on my face. Sure, my temperature rose slightly when the camera panned to the Tomahawk Chopping morons of Atlanta, but who wouldn't get a little flush at the site of a redneck mob of fairweather fans--that's just scary. Otherwise, I handled it calmly, didn't snap at anyone, or take out my sour mood on passersby. Maybe I growled into an imaginary lapel microphone, "the Jones boys must be deesstrooyed," but other than that, nothing. No angry outbursts. No sweat. No swearing. No punching. No biting. Nothing.

Have I lost my edge? Or is the event of the Mets loosing to the Br*ves late in the season on Chippit J*nes homeruns so spectacularly expected, so routine, so predestined, that even my physiological systems are unaffected by the defeat? Why didn't I cringe as a tired Trash-hell groved that pitch right into Larry's wheelhouse? The Br*ves stars deliver, the shmets "stars" crumble, as sure as day follows night, I thought, and made a mental note to try setting my watch to it. Willie is an idiot I thought, and tried to feel emotion.

This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.