This is a piece I wrote for my creative non-fiction class. It's a character study about my wife's sister's husband (nephew's brother's sister's cousin's uncle's former roommate), so I've changed his name and those of his family members. Please give me any feedback you can offer or any thoughts you have on the subject. Thanks!

Video games have come a long way since the gaming industry collapse in the early 1980s. What was once a hobby for the socially alienated and awkward has permeated the mainstream and become both socially acceptable for the player and very profitable for the producer. Even those who do not own consoles can be considered a gamer; just ask your average smart phone owner.

But what kind of effect are video games having on our culture? Does the violent content of many video games adversely affect those who play them? As the millennial generation of gamers are growing up and becoming parents, what kinds of decisions are they making about the games their kids play? Can one become addicted to video games and, if so, what kind of impact would this have on that person's life?

Kyle Jacobs is a typical gamer in today's current cultural climate. He is a working father of four and married to my wife's sister, Courtney. He works a factory job. While he doesn't represent a wide swath of the gaming community (being only one person), his story is both sad and illuminating. The story of his struggle with video games is a powerful of example of both the destructive power and the self-empowerment of the technology.

***

Kyle seems exhausted as he greets me; he’s just gotten out of work, he says. Kyle works at K-Max, a factory making bolts used in the production of automobiles. It’s not exactly glamorous, but he makes good money, especially when he’s been pulling overtime like he has this week.

He hasn't been having a good day, he says. Courtney called. They are separated at the moment. Courtney recently served him with divorce papers. When they were separated last year Kyle would have the kids from Thursday night to Monday afternoon. Now, he complains, she's telling him that he can only keep them from Friday night to Sunday night; except, on this particular Sunday, she just called and asked him to keep them overnight. She's just going to go home and take a shower and go to bed? Yeah right. Jill (the youngest) was crying for Courtney to take her home with her but she wouldn't. She's probably going out to a bar somewhere.

The resentment in his voice is palpable. He needs to vent about it and so I let him, but after a few moments I realize that he's concocting pity fantasies in his head that will only get him more frustrated with the situation. I can tell that he needs to talk about something he likes, so I ask him my first question: what kinds of games do you like to play?

He begins to talk about his favorite genre of games: first person shooters. In an FPS, the player controls the movements of a character on screen from the character's perspective: you see out of the characters eyes. This gameplay perspective is used for the purpose of putting the player in the position of the guy with the big gun. It’s a power thing for a lot of players, especially the good ones. He’s been playing Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 the most recently, he says, because all of his friends are playing it. When he says friends, he seems to imply people he has real relationships with.

There are a few people he knows in real life that he plays online with but, other than those few, the people on his friends list were once complete strangers. Over the course of the years that he's been playing Call of Duty, he has met people and interacted with them online. He says that these are not just casual relationships: he feels connected to these guys. They don't keep it strictly tactics and strategy during the in-game chat; sometimes, he says, they'll talk about personal stuff. Shit in their lives. Problems at work and at home. That sort of thing. Most of the time, according to Kyle, he plays video games because of the social connection he feels. He would be lying, he says, if he didn’t also admit to their being an escape from the problems in his life.

***

Kyle also plays Call of Duty because he’s good at it. He’s good at it because he’s played so much of it. Call of Duty is unique in its multiplayer in that, while the developers have added new perks and abilities as they have released new games, the skill set has not changed. Therefore, a person who played the first Call of Duty online and his been playing since then has essentially been honing their ability to the play the game for the past seven years. Kyle hasn’t been playing for quite that long, but he’s been playing Call of Duty for quite a while now.

His motivations for playing the game seem to be those of many gamers: his friends play and because he’s good at it. He told me that when he plays he is relaxed. It's a way to blow off steam, he says. I find this comment telling: when I've spent time with him playing games, frustration and expletives frequently enter into the communicator of his headset as he plays. He also feels a strong sense of elation when he achieves victory, be it a single kill or a round win.

In her book, “Reality is Broken: Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World” Jane McGonigal refers to this sensation as “fiero.” When we accomplish a goal or achieve something, our brain releases a chemical cocktail which reinforces that feeling of success as something to be repeated. It is this feeling that game designers strive to portion out throughout their games. Unfortunately, fiero is experienced much more frequently when playing video games than it is in real life because those moments of success are both engineered and clustered much closer together than they ever could be in reality. When the term “video game addiction” is used, it is in reference to a methodological addiction to experiencing those fiero moments.

The fiero concept is exactly what gives video games their addictive potential, especially if the individual is experiencing depression or other difficult issues. A strong social support structure goes great lengths to deterring addictive behavior, but Kyle’s support structure exists within the context of playing video games. Fiero is a means of delivering regular and consistent positive reinforcement for playing video games; couple that with the fact that Kyle utilizes video games as both his coping mechanism for problems at work and at home as well as his social support structure and he has a recipe for addiction.

***

An average night for Kyle goes as follows: he gets out of work around 11 or 12 at night, depending on the day. He drives the 30 minute commute to return home. When he was still living with Courtney and the kids, he would get home after everyone had gone to bed. At this point, he has two choices: go to bed immediately or stay up for a while. Like most people, Kyle prefers to relax after work, which can be especially problematic for people who both work second or third shift and have families.

Late night gaming binges like the ones Kyle would periodically indulge in (the longest he's ever played continuously, only stopping for food and potty breaks, was 14 hours) have vast potential for causing marital problems. When I ask him about it, Kyle tells me that he is courteous in that he makes use of a gaming headset. This has several advantages: it allows him to nullify all sound coming from the television, and it allows him to hear the sounds being generated from the first person game from a first person perspective (e.g. if a gunshot echoes behind him physically in the game world, he will hear the sound literally behind him via the headset). Other than his voiced frustrations and assurances that whatever just happened in the game was bullshit, there is no sound to disrupt the sleep of his family members. Courtney has gotten up to tell him to quiet down, but nothing more serious than that. At least, not in Kyle's mind. His fixation with gaming has caused marital stress to build up like a cancerous tumor and its finally coming to a head. It's been a long time coming but Kyle is still blind to that fact.

Kyle tells me that his video game habits have not caused any big problems in his marriage. Unfortunately for him, as brother-in-law to his soon-to-be ex-wife, I have a different perspective. Courtney has shared many a frustrated and angry anecdote with my wife, her sister, Bethany concerning Kyle’s gaming. On one occasion, Courtney had to leave for work early in the morning. It was thus Kyle’s responsibility to take care of the children until the kids’ great-grandmother arrived to care for them during the afternoon. When Grandma Shirley arrived at their house around noon, she discovered that Kyle was still sound asleep and the youngest two children were still in their highchairs… and had been since Courtney left for work that morning. Kyle’s inability to perceive the big picture of the effects his gaming habits have had on his family and his marriage has led him to the point of divorce.

***

Kyle has made some poor choices in his marriage and in his video gaming routines. Of his four children, two are old enough to play video games. The younger of the pair, Eric (7), is entirely and exclusively into car games, Kyle says. He doesn't even need to race. He'll just drive around and crash into things. It's an interest that expands into reality: he has a huge collection of toy cars, he recognizes makes by their emblems and models by their shape, and he will talk about them nonstop if allowed. Kyle thinks he'll be an engineer or a mechanic when he's older.

The elder, Frank (10), is much broader in his gaming interests. Frank prefers strategy games, Kyle tells me, or games with a story. While Kyle is aggressive and domineering at times, Frank is passive and timid. Though they are disparate in the area of personality, their motivations for playing games could not be more similar: it’s an escape. I recall my own childhood as Kyle recounts to me Frank's difficulty in school, his lack of friends, and his distance at home. Kyle plays video games to escape the mundane day-to-day of his mind-numbing job. It is very likely that Frank plays games (as I did) to escape bullies at school and the tumultuous existence of a kid whose parents are in the middle of a divorce.

There are certain video games that function as an escape better than others; thankfully, Frank is not at an age where he is playing those kinds of games. Author Tom Bissell describes his experience playing one such game, “The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion” in his book “Extra Lives”:

…Two hundred hours playing Oblivion? How is that even possible? I am not actually sure. Completeing the game’s narrative missions took a fraction of that time, but in the world of Oblivion you can also pick flowers, explore caves, dive for treasure, buy houses, bet on gladiatorial arena fights, hunt bear, and read books. Oblivion is less a game than a world that best rewards full citizenship, and for a while I lived there and claimed it. At the time I was residing in Rome on a highly coveted literary fellowship, surrounded by interesting and brilliant people, and quite naturally mired in a lagoon of depression more dreadfully lush than any before or since. I would be lying if I said Oblivion did not, in some ways, aggravate my depression, but it also gave me something with which to fill my days other than piranhic self-hatred. It was an extra life; I am grateful to have had it.

Like Tom, Kyle has become mired in the other worlds of video games. Unlike Tom, however, Kyle’s world is one of pure, abject violence. My brother Greg refers to Call of Duty as “gun porn.” There is no exploration, no citizenship. There is only competition, the shooting of rifles, and an endless cycle of death and respawning.

***

Kyle encourages his children to play video games because, according to him, it’s good for the imagination. I reel at this comment; how can it be good for the imagination if nothing is left to the imagination? Everything is presented on the screen for them to see without the task of internal visualization. I propose that there might be alternatives to video games that would stimulate the kids’ imaginations even more, like reading. He agrees, but stipulates that “some people don’t like to read.” In a world of visual media and the intense stimulation of fiero in video games, why would anyone want to read? There are very few books in Courtney’s house (formerly Kyle’s as well), save for the children’s books for the toddlers. When they see that their parents’ don’t read and they’re not encouraged to, why would Frank and Eric choose to read over playing video games? They would not.

I posed a hypothetical scenario to Kyle: considering his own gaming binges, how would Kyle feel and react if he were to find Frank wide awake at 4:30 in the morning playing video games? Like a hypocrite, that's how. He would by angry because they set limits on the amount of time their kids can play video games. "We make them do their homework first and we try and only let them play for about an hour, hour and a half," Kyle says. "If he were to do that, I would be mad but also feel like a hypocrite. I mean, who am I to get mad at that? Look how late I've stayed up playing games." So he's aware of the double standard.

While video game binging has adverse effects on the player, video games themselves are not all bad. For example, when children like Frank play violent games, there can be positive results. Violent video games allow children to vent feelings of anger and frustration stemming from real life problems in a safe way. Successfully solving a puzzle or scenario can be a source of pride for the child to express to their peers. Video gaming has also permeated our culture so much that it can be a fantastic way for kids to break the ice when meeting other kids for the first time; it helps overcome social awkwardness.

Video game playing can also be described as a form of learning. In his book “What Video Games Have to Teach Us About Learning and Literacy,” James Paul Gee presents five learning principles that are built into good video games, principles which may also be applied to learning in the classroom:

1) Active, Critical Learning Principle

All aspects of the learning environment (including the ways in which the semiotic domain is designed and presented) are set up to encourage active and critical, not passive, learning.

2) Design Principle

Learning about and coming to appreciate design and design principles is core to the learning process.

3) Semiotic Principle

Learning about and coming to appreciate interrelations within and across multiple sign systems (images, words, actions, symbols, artifacts, etc.) as a complex system is core to the learning experience.

4) Semiotic Domains Principle

Learning involves mastering, at some level, semiotic domains, and being able to participate, at some level, in the affinity group or groups connected to them.

5) Metalevel Thinking about Semiotic Domains Principle

Learning involves active and critical thinking about relationships of the semiotic domain being learned to other semiotic domains.

By forming connections and interacting with the systems implemented in well-designed video games, the player is better able to perceive similar connections in the real world. Additionally, the problem-solving inherent to good game design provides comparable skills in reality. It’s therefore fair to say that video games are neither inherently bad or a waste of time.

***

One of the most salient points to make about video gaming is that it requires investment like any other hobby. The current console generation has a shelf price of about, on average, $300. That covers the base unit, a controller, appropriate cables, and maybe a game. New games nowadays cost $60, new controllers cost between $30 and $50, while a subscription to the XBOX Live service (allowing you to play games online) can cost as much as $10 a month. If you are a serious gamer you have to have the means to pay for all of the accoutrements. Money is no problem for a guy like Kyle... usually. But when you and your wife have separate accounts and lack communication in your marriage, financial strain is a likely result.

Upon reflection, Kyle estimates that he has spent at least $2500 on video games, systems, and peripherals. He has purchased several systems and games multiple times and, in the past, has participated in the GameStop trade-in system. The video game store GameStop sells new games as well as used games. A glorified pawn shop, GameStop offers in-store credit for those who bring in games to trade in. The amount offered in store credit is negligible compared to the price at which GameStop will resell the game, however; they are preying on immediate gratification. Rather than pursuing other avenues of selling their games that would fetch them more money, gamers bring their games to GameStop for the immediate in-store credit they receive. Kyle has traded in brand-new games costing $60 to GameStop. In so doing, he has cycled out games that he no longer plays only to buy them again later on down the road.

While his spending on video games never put them in a place where they could not pay bills, according to Kyle, there have been occasions where the money he had spent on video games would have been much better spent elsewhere (e.g. the gas station or supermarket). He seems sobered as he reflects on the amount of money he has spent on video games over the years, nonetheless so for the negative impact the product of those expenditures had on his relationship with his wife.

***

When Kyle looks back at his experience with video games, he values most strongly the camaraderie he experienced with his fellow players. The social aspect was the most valuable facet of his gameplay experience, more so than the success he felt for a round well-played. The flip side, however, is that his marriage suffered. His only regret about his experience with video games is the adverse effect it had on his relationship with Courtney. While he never saw his gaming habits as an issue, Courtney perceived deeper problems which had, as their root cause, Kyle’s video gaming. I explain to Kyle that men naturally compartmentalize, whereas women see connections and relationships between things that men do not. Video games used to be something they could do together but, because of his addiction, served to drive a wedge between them.

He has been getting much better about his video gaming and no longer binges like he used to. He tells me that before last night, he hadn’t been on Xbox Live in a month. He described to me his plans for this summer: he wants to start running with his cousin. He intends to go skydiving on his birthday. He wants to take up an outdoor hobby like backpacking or canoeing. He is moving away from video games as his primary interest and, like myself, is looking to expand his horizons to other pursuits. Sadly, his active effort to enrich his life unplugged from the TV comes too little, too late. The papers are filed and only await signatures. The ensuing litigation will be painful and hard. The temptation to deal with the stress resulting from such a difficult process by losing himself in a virtual world will be strong.

Kyle’s story is a sobering wake-up call to the dangers of video game addiction and the destructive power of their immersive worlds. There are, too, glimmers of light in the darkness: stress relief, social bonding, and the fostering of critical thinking skills. Further research must absolutely be done to discover the long-term effects which video games can have on those suffering from depression. For now, though, gamers like Kyle and me must learn to pursue other avenues of stress relief and community interaction. The fiero of video games, after all, is not worth the price of a family.