Category Archives: Thoughts

Like I said yesterday, I signed up to participate in the Summer of Zombie Blog Tour (2014 version) in order to promote my latest zombie book (Waste Not), but I find myself really enjoying the company of other zombie writers. Right along with that, I was pleased, though not surprised, to see so many other women writing zombie fiction. One of those ladies is Christine Verstraete and I’m super excited to host her guest blog here today. Christine has chosen to write about why you might not want to invite a zombie to your party. I think this one will make you smile 🙂

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10 Reasons NOT to Include Zombies at Your Birthday or Other Party

I know after writing my book, GIRL Z: My Life as a Teenage Zombie, I haven’t yet tired of the zombie genre. I’m still working on writing new adventures for my part-Z girl character and I’m also working on other more adult-oriented projects, as well.

So, this brings up the question of holidays and special events (no, don’t even bother trying to figure out how a writer’s mind works or makes such connections)—The Question: do zombies and other creatures belong? Do they even celebrate, or should they?

Well . . . consider this if you want to have a zombie at your birthday or other party:

Zombies stink.

There’s nothing like the smell of all that rot and decay to ruin the party. Don’t expect everyone to wait around for the cake and presents.

Ugh, the dog puked after eating all that stuff the kids fed him, somebody else puked from drinking too much, and now . . .Yikes! Is that a toe or something somebody left behind? And what is that? No, don’t look too close! Oh, ick!

Zombies don’t have a clue.

Zombies really are clueless. They don’t understand that your moving away doesn’t mean you’re playing hard to get. Or that the grimace on your face isn’t an uninfected person’s version of a zombie smile.

Zombies don’t play nice.

They can get pretty mean and nasty when you say no or push them away. Hmm, remind you of anyone?

Zombies are… just zombies. Read the previous entries.

And the biggest reason for NOT including a zombie at your birthday or other party:

Consider the odds on celebrating next year’s birthday or having any other kind of party. Chances are pretty big there won’t be one.

The stench of rotting flesh is in the air! Welcome to the Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2014, with 33 of the best zombie authors spreading the disease in the month of June.

Stop by the event page on Facebook so you don’t miss an interview, guest post or teaser… and pick up some great swag as well! Giveaways galore from most of the authors as well as interaction with them! #SummerZombie

This month I’m participating in The Summer of Zombie Blog Tour (2014). Originally I signed up to help promote my zombie collection (Waste Not), but I very quickly came to enjoy spending time hanging out in virtual space with all the other fantastic people participating. Wonderful dudes (which is a term I used to describe both men and women :-p) who just happen to write about zombies 🙂

One of those people is Kirk Allmond, and I’m super stoked to be hosting his guest post today — The Ultimate Zombie Survival Tool!

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The Ultimate Zombie Survival Tool

By Kirk Allmond

When you visit the thousands of zombie prepper websites out there on the internet, you will find thousands of posts claiming various things are “The Ultimate Zombie Survival Tool.” I think they all get it wrong.

When surviving in a post-apocalyptic world, weight is of serious consideration. There is no room in my pack to carry a strawberry slicer. A tool that does one job, a unitasker, has no place in my bug out bag. Everything must be able to serve multiple functions. Therefore, a unitask item like a gun is not The Ultimate Zombie Survival Tool. No matter how useful a gun is, there are other things that can do the job of killing the intended target, be it zombie, unfriendly target, or that 8 point buck that will feed you for three days.

The Ultimate Zombie Survival Tool must be readily available, preferably something that almost everyone already has. Purpose made items, like that shovel that does 97 other things are cool, but expensive. Not everyone has the resources to have the top-of-the-line multitool, or a crowbar that also cooks bacon. Please note: The Apocalypse is not worth surviving if there is no bacon.

There are two distinct styles of zombie survivor. The “Bug Out” group, who at the first sign of zombies loads up the truck and heads to some remote destination they have pre-prepared, and the “Bunk In” group, who roll down the hurricane shutters and break into the stash of canned bread when they spot the first rotten, festering corpse shambling mindlessly down the street. In order to be considered “The Ultimate Zombie Survival Tool,” the item must be useful to both groups.

The lone-wolf bug out guy, for all his brooding, unshaven, my skills against the world attitude, has no use for a generator. The “I have a family to protect and we are defending our home until our dying breath guy,” on the other hand could make great use of a propane powered generator. They are efficient and easy to refuel. A pair of bolt cutters will get you twenty propane tanks from that cage sitting outside every single convenience store, drug store, hardware store, and grocery store in the United States. But, as useful as it would be to the Bunk In, a generator is not The Ultimate Zombie Survival Tool.

Both types of survivor will have to have water. After oxygen, it is the most important resource to the survivalist, whether Bug Out, Bunk In, country, city, suburban, desert, tundra, or prarie. Without water, you’re dead in three days, and if you’ve ever gone two days without something to drink, you pretty much feel like death. I can’t imagine what that third day feels like, or what kind of stupid mistakes you might make.

Standing water is home to bazillions of microscopic contaminants, pathogens, and pollutants. Even though I drink from every river and stream I came across, and have never had any issue, I can’t think of much worse than ingesting giardia infested water while on the run from a horde of slobbering brain eaters. “I’d really like to defend myself from those nine zombies surrounding me, but first let me go projectile vomit from both ends for the next ten minutes.”

Water filtration is of crucial importance. But there are thousands of ways to perform this task, and a water filter is a unitasker. It does its job extremely well, and makes life much easier, but it is not “The Ultimate Zombie Survival Tool.”

The number one asset Humankind has against the onset of the shambling horde is our speed. They are slow. Inexorable, unstoppable, unwavering, but slow. If the survivor finds themselves face to face with four zombies, she could choose to fight. Sweep the outstretched hands away, follow up with a machete blow to the temple, cleaving the head to expose the rotten gray matter contained within. But no matter how sharp your skills, no matter how practiced you are in combat, you cannot account for all variables.

The smart solution is to run. Gain distance, which buys you time to employ other tools to do the job in a safe manner. Therefore, in my humble opinion, your feet are “The Ultimate Zombie Survival Tool.” They are the ultimate free resource. They can be silent, they can be fast, they can push zombies away, and they have a better reach than your hands. They can carry you safely away from an encounter that was too close for comfort. They take you to the food. They take you to the water.

Consider post-apocalyptic life without your feet. It would be nearly impossible to survive. Take care of your them. Keep a good pair of boots. Keep moleskin. Keep clean socks. Because without your feet you’re in serious trouble.

If you’d like to talk about zombies, prepping, writing or my books “What Zombies Fear” you can find me in all the places.

Kirk is currently promoting his zombie novel, What Zombies Fear 1: A Father’s Quest. I haven’t read this book yet, but I find the title super intriguing (what DO zombies fear?) and I really like the cover. You can check out the first few chapters for free by clicking on the cover image below 🙂

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The stench of rotting flesh is in the air! Welcome to the Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2014, with 33 of the best zombie authors spreading the disease in the month of June.

Stop by the event page on Facebook so you don’t miss an interview, guest post or teaser… and pick up some great swag as well! Giveaways galore from most of the authors as well as interaction with them! #SummerZombie

A Note: Though this post is scheduled to go live on May 6th I’m actually writing it in the end of April. I’d share it today but I’m in the midst of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge and I don’t want to interrupt that. I’d share it earlier in the month but I have the post for The Hedge Witch launch party and a sales announcement both scheduled… so May 6th it is LOL

I’m struggling with my novel (currently entitled Hollow). I began this book in November as a NaNoWriMo novel, then my productivity quickly fell off as soon as November was over. I really had a tough time getting myself to work on it, and even once I finished the first draft I kept thinking of things to add or change before I began revising it with sincerity. I’ve had a good long look at myself, and the book, and why it’s not getting finished and I’m pretty sure that the truth is… I’m afraid to finish it.

Because it’s good. It’s the best thing I’ve written. And while it’s unfinished it is still full of limitless potential but as soon as I finish it that all ends. It will be written, done, and flawed (because let’s face it, no novel is perfect… except perhaps The Last Unicorn ;)). I think I’m afraid to reach that stage. To face reality rather than fantasy.

But I need to get over that. I know in reality the book will be imperfect, but I believe it will also be awesome, and the only way to find out if I’m right is to suck it up and get it done.

So that’s what I’m doing this month.

For May my goal is to keep my butt in the chair and revise this novel. I can’t put everything else on the back burner (we have a cover reveal for A is for Apocalypse next week, for example) but everything that can be put on hold has been. By June 1st, when we release the next issue of Niteblade, I want to have a revised version of Hollow in the hands of my beta readers. I expect that will mean I’ll be spending less time on social media or watching television in the evenings, but that’s a trade I’m willing to make.

Wish me luck. And come June if I don’t blog to announce the book is being read by beta readers, please feel free to pelt me with virtual tomatoes and hold my feet to the fire. And don’t accept any lame-ass excuses from me either 😉

My to do list has a mind of its own. Seriously. It’s kinda crazy. Jo (my husband, who has a pretty big to do list of his own) saw it today and he swore. It’s pretty epic. I used to use the EpicWin app on my iPod to try and make it fun (and not go through reams of paper) but my iPod is old enough now that none of my apps will update and it can barely bring itself to turn on most days, so I thought my time of getting experience points for real life tasks was over. I was wrong.

I’ve recently begun using HabitRPG.com which is rather a bit like Epic Win on steroids. With HabitRPG you can not only get experience and level up by doing the things from your to-do list, you also get drops, and gold which you can use to upgrade your gear. I’m told once you reach level ten you can choose a class and do quests with the people in your party (there are parties!! And guilds!). I’m only level 7 so far, but I’m looking forward to the whole questy part 😉

Also? I’ve noticed that not only does HabitRPG help me keep track of my to do list (and the habits I want to develop), it actually encourages me to do things. Because I want the experience, the gold, or the chance at a drop. The other day I was about to walk away from the computer and rot my brain in front of the tv, but I glanced at my character and noticed I just needed to do one more thing and she’d level. So I put my butt in the chair and did the top item on my to do list before I called it a day.

Anywho… if this sounds like something you’d be into, the website is at http://www.habitrpg.com – check it out. Oh, and did I mention it’s free? It’s free. They accept donations and there is a subscription option, but it’s totally functional at the free level as well.

Things are progressing very well behind the scenes of A is for Apocalypse. I’m aiming for an autumn release so be sure nothing gets rushed and it’s all as awesome as it possibly can be (and trust me guys, these stories are awesome). The thing is, A is for Apocalypse is meant to be the first of a series of anthologies… and I really need to sort out what the theme of the second anthology is going to be so the contributors will have lots of time to write their stories.

I can’t decide what B is for.

It’s driving me a bit bonkers and it’s threatening to take over my life. Truly. Jo, Dani and I will be going about our day and just randomly go, “B is for balloon?”. I really need to pick and idea and go with it, but I’d like your help.

What do you think B should be for?

It has to be a theme you’d actually want to read stories from that is wide enough to accommodate 26 stories from very different writers, all tackling it with a different letter in mind. It also has to be just one word.

My current short list (which changes daily hourly) is:

Bounty

Balance

Broken

Braaains

What do you think about those words/themes? Any great suggestions I’m missing? What would you prefer B stand for as a writer? What about as a reader?

I will add my favourite suggestions to that list, so check back to see how it evolves and offer more feedback. I really want to know what you’re thinking about this, it will help me make a decision.

A word about bestiary: So… B is for Bestiary seems like a match made in heaven right? I love it. The problem is… just between you and I, I’m 99.9% sure that C is for Chimera. It seems to me like the potential for overlap/too much similarity between bestiary and chimera is high enough that it’s not a good idea for two books who will be back to back in the series. So that’s why bestiary isn’t really an option. I know, it seems like such a great choice, but I’ve thought about this one pretty hard.

Update: ‘Broken’ is getting a lot of love right now. Some of my favourite suggestions I’ve received include ‘Ballet’, ‘Battle’, ‘Bugs’, ‘Blood’, ‘Burning’, ‘Bell’, ‘Blasphemy’, ‘Beginnings’ and ‘Biohazard’.

When I’m working with other people’s writing I run into some of the weirdest formatting you’ve ever seen. Everyone has their own way of doing things and sometimes, even though a dozen stories may look the same on the page as you’re reading them, as soon as it’s time to start formatting and I click the little ‘Show/Hide Paragraph Marks and other Hidden Formatting Symbols’ button (which looks like this for those of you who’ve never heard of it – ) things get crazy.

I’ve seen a lot of weird things. A lot of stories which look elegantly formatted, until you look under the hood by pressing that ‘Show/Hide’ button and find just a mess of weird mark-up.

But whatever, it’s all stuff that I can work with or around, this isn’t meant to be a rant. I have an honest to goodness question for those of you who also do this sort of thing. What do the little circles in between words stand for? Where do they come from? How are they different from spaces?

Here is an example I created by changing the text in a submission I received without changing the formatting:

What’s with the circles? Anyone know? LOL

ETA: I’ve been told (on Facebook, LJ and my blog) “A degree symbol ° represents a non-breaking space (Ctrl+Shift+Spacebar), which you can use to prevent words from being separated at the end of a line.” (I’m quoting Steven S. from my Facebook there). Thanks guys!

Last week I asked Sara Cleto and Brittany Warman if they would consider writing the introduction to Fae. Because they are awesome (and I am lucky), they agreed so I sent them a copy of the manuscript to read. I should say, I nervously sent them a copy of the manuscript to read…

I love Fae. I learn more with each project I work on and truly feel that I improve with each one* which, obviously, translates to me thinking whatever I’ve finished most recently is the best thing I’ve done so far. But… something about Fae has been different. Magical, even. The quality of this anthology surpasses everything I’ve edited before by a huge margin.

Now, don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean I don’t still love Niteblade and Metastasis and everything else I do… but I’ve really grown as an editor while I worked on Fae. That can only benefit everything else I do from here on in, but it’s also fantastic for this project in particular.

BUT that doesn’t mean I wasn’t totally nervous sending the manuscript to Sara and Brittany. They would be the first people aside from World Weaver Press Editor-in-Chief Eileen Wiedbrauk and myself to read the anthology in its entirety.

It was a nerve-wracking few days while I waited to hear what they thought. Would they like the collection as much as I did?

The answer is yes! I got an email from Brittany yesterday which said (quoted with permission):

“It is seriously FANTASTIC, we loved it!! Some of the stories were so SO good that we were yelling up and down the stairs to each other after finishing them, saying things like “OMG!” :).”

So it looks like it’s not just me then 😉

And maybe this is a little bit of a braggy blog, but I can’t help it. I’m so proud and excited about this anthology. You’re gonna love it. You really, really are!

*This is true regardless of what role I’m playing in each project: writer, editor, poet, human being.

It’s become a tradition on my blog that each year I write a letter to Santa about what I want for Giftmas. Not because I want any of my blog readers to buy me those things, but just because sometimes it’s fun to put together wishlists. If you make a Giftmas (or any other winter holiday) wishlist please leave a link in the comments so I can stop by and take a look 🙂

Dear Santa,

This year has been pretty good, especially compared to last year, and if we don’t count diet I’ve been pretty good. So with that in mind I don’t feel bad writing and asking you for a few things…

I started watching wrestling again this year, Santa, and though I have a few items from the WWEShop I don’t feel like my wardrobe has been sufficiently wrestling-ified. I like most of the wrestlers (except the Wyatt Family and The Real Americans) so I’m not super particular about what you get me. Though, if I had to choose I’d really like CM Punk’s retro hoodie, The Shield’s sweatpants and The Usos T-shirt

I’m always looking for more books, Santa. You could check my Amazon wishlist or my Goodreads ‘Want to Read’ list, but both of those are incomplete. I really love short stories so best of anthologies are a pretty safe bet, and I could use a new vegetarian cookbook as well (bonus points for slow cooker recipes because finding meatless ones that aren’t spaghetti sauce is a freaking challenge). Also, I know I have Code Name Verity on my kobo, but I think I also need a physical copy of it. Because reasons.

I haven’t had any new jewelry in quite a long time, so maybe it’s time to change that. I am big on silver and sort of simple designs, and when I did a quick google to find some examples for you, Santa, I found this lovely ring which comes in silver but also in this metal I’ve never seen before. It’s lovely. I’m including a picture below for you. Pretty, no?

Finally Santa, you know how for the past two years I’ve asked you for “some baseboards and riser thingers for my bathroom and kitchen. If we don’t finish them up soon they are just going to blend into the background and we’ll never get them done.” Well, you’ll never guess what I still need this year. Yeah. Those. If you have room in your sleigh that would be super awesome, thank you.

Thank you Santa.

Love,

Rhonda

I’ll leave you with two movies today. The first is White Wine in the Sun by Tim Minchin. Last year I described this as ‘One of my favourite performers performing one of my favourite Christmas songs’. It’s still that, and it still makes me cry.

The second movie is a montage that totally reminds me of Tre (our dog) and Eowyn (our grumpiest cat). Maybe it will make you laugh 🙂

A friend of mine, Michelle (who is the brains and the body behind Busy Weekends) asked people on her twitter feed if they wanted to do a fun project where they would create super heroes. I said I’d participate if I was allowed to recruit my family into the process. She was okay with that, and so we began.

Meet Perish:

We decided to create a super villain instead of a hero. Partly just to be contrary, but also partly because we wanted to do a play on our last name, and Perish works far better as a villain’s name, don’t you think?

Both of these images are linked to larger versions of themselves so, as Kyle Cassidy would say, Clickenzee to Embiggen!

As a family we settled on a concept for her, discussed the details of her back story and abilities and talked about her costume. Then Danica drew the picture of Perish and I coloured it (because colouring is cool!)

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Name: Perish

Alter Ego: Cher Nobyl

Super Powers/Abilities:

Can generate focused beams of electromagnetic radiation.

Can see outside normal visible ranges (x-ray, ultraviolet, etc.)

Special Weapons: There is a gem in the center of her hood which she can use to super concentrate her radiation beams, effectively making it a ‘death ray’.

Costume: In addition to what you can see, Perish is always armed with irradiated throwing knives which she keeps in her boots.

Enemies:

Tundra, the Canadian Super hero

Pirot Guy, the Ukrainian hero of comfort

Background: Perish was born at Chernobyl during the core meltdown. Her mother was far enough from ground zero that Perish, though irradiated, was not killed. Her mother, however, was.

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We had a lot of fun creating our super villain and I’ve already got a story in mind that she figures in. Even if I never get around to writing that one though, this was still time well spent doing something creative as a family. Thank you Michelle!

One of my goals for this year was to take a social media retreat for one week a month. Today is my first day back from my first retreat and I have to say, it was fabulous. I missed my friends on social media, Twitter especially, but holy crap you would not believe the difference it made in my productivity and, more importantly, my focus.

I thought that I would see an increase in my productivity because I wouldn’t be spending time reading, posting and surfing social media, and I was right. What I hadn’t counted on was how much more focused that time would be. Since none of my attention or thought process was going into thinking about social media or the news from social media or anything like that, I was so focused. I’ve tried to multitask less over the past few years because I feel like I’m working harder and longer and getting less done. I’ve read the studies, I am passingly familiar with the debates about whether multitasking is good or bad for us. I don’t have any big answers but I do know that, for me, single-tasking is better. I can do more, faster and better if I focus on one thing at a time than if I have to keep shifting my attention from thing to thing. I hadn’t realised how many of my resources (emotional, creative and just straight-up attentive) were being used by social media even when I wasn’t actively on those websites. It was astounding.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love Twitter and I’m not leaving it, but I expect to spend less time there than I have been. In fact, I’m thinking of expanding my social media retreat to two weeks a month. That’s right. I’d be off social media for 50% of the time. We’ll see. I’m not making any changes just yet, but it’s something I’m thinking of, for sure. If you were intrigued by my social media retreat and considered trying it for yourself I definitely recommend it.

On a pseudo-related note I am participating in A Month of Letters again this year. A Month of Letters, or LetterMo, is the brain child of Mary Robinette Kowal. In 2010 she took a month off the internet (not just social media) and invited people to write her via snail mail if they wanted. She was surprised by the number of people who did, and that inspired LetterMo. The challenge at the heart of LetterMo is this:

In the month of February, mail at least one item through the post every day it runs. Write a postcard, a letter, send a picture, or a cutting from a newspaper, or a fabric swatch.

Write back to everyone who writes to you. This can count as one of your mailed items.

I participated in A Month of Letters last year and I found it to be extremely rewarding (blog entry about it here: A Month of Letters). In part it’s about the same thing as my social media retreats — slowing down and focusing on one thing (or person) at a time. Plus it gives me an excuse to buy pretty new paper from my favourite stationary store.

If you are doing A Month of Letters I go by the shockingly creative handle of Rhonda over there and I would welcome your friend request (though I won’t actually use the website a whole lot). Also, whether you are participating or not, if you would like for me to write you during the month of February I would be very happy to do that 🙂 Send me your snail mail address whatever way you feel comfortable with (reply here, message on the Month of Letters site or via email at rhonda@jofigure.com) and I will send you something in February. It may be as small as a postcard or as long as a multi-page letter, depending on how many addresses I receive and how talkative I’m feeling when I sit down to write, but I will mail you something. Also, while I’d like to think it goes without saying, just for the record, I will never give away or sell your address.

I’d meant to spend some time this afternoon working on a blog post that was looking back at the year, at what I’d accomplished, what goals I had achieved and which I hadn’t, that sort of thing. But then, life got in the way. Again.

We had to take our cat, Indiana to the kitty emergency room. Again. I think today’s trip was the fifth we’ve made to the EVEC with him. Five. Five exhausting, stressful, traumatic and expensive trips to the animal hospital in about as many weeks. It is unfun and complicated by the fact we don’t own a car so all these trips are made via cab or bus. It’s been frustrating and, did I mention stressful? And I have begun to feel pretty sorry for, not just Indy, but us, too. When I think about it, though, we are pretty lucky, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

It was four hours tonight between the time we left our home with Indiana and the time we arrived back home again. Four hours. Three of which were spent in the waiting room at the Edmonton Veterinarian’s Emergency Clinic. During those three hours I watched three families leave with tear-streaked cheeks and empty animal carriers. Three families who were going to be missing a furry member. And that is not counting the people who were leaving living animals behind for treatment or observation.

Sadly we have been spending a fair amount of time at the Veterinarian’s Emergency Clinic so I know that this was an especially busy and sad period for them, but still, we’re lucky. We still have Indy with us. What’s more, we’re lucky that the Edmonton Veterinarian’s Emergency Clinic exists, and that there are people who are willing to work there. I would not be. I couldn’t do it. They are not like an ordinary veterinarian who sees our pets for check-ups and shots from 9-5. The people who work at this clinic only see animals when they are in crisis. When there is an emergency. And they are open 24/7 365 days a year. That is awesome. They are awesome.

So, I’m not writing a blog today looking back on a year of writing and life, but about a clinic staffed by awesome people. They have saved Indy’s life a couple times already and while I would very much like to never have to see them again, I feel a whole lot better knowing that they are there just in case we need them. Again. I couldn’t do what they do, but I’m so very glad that they can.