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The Father (And Last) Connection - by Ultimoo

The Father (And Last) Connection

Just can't stop with those connections. The only other debate more intense these days than the now dying Giygas-Giegue debate is the true identity of Ness's father. These two debates were linked by the Mother Connection making a twice as controversial double-debate-of-doom. It seems though that the number of articles regarding Ness's father has become enumerous (meaning a lot, not meaning big, let's all learn some impressive vocabulary from Ultimoo today). Of course this means I hardly remember a single one of them. However, I was in #earthbound, and Squirtle had a pretty good idea in mind that might surprise you. By normal standards of the game, this character could really be anybody, judging on the groundwork of my last article. This character could be a stalker, a stranger, a mental patient, someone who's just too interested in young adolescent boys, or Ness's father.

Before I go any further let me assure you that this will be my last article concerning Ness's father. I don't feel like dealing with flames anymore. It's having a negative effect on my writing. Flames make me feel like quitting my job here. Some of you have sent some bubbles (the opposite of flames) that have secured my desire to work here for at least the next two years in bounds of my control. Of course that's taking into account the great time I've been having working with the other wonderful members of the staff who have made this such an interesting experience. Oh that's right that title bar up there says "The Father Connection". I should get back to talking about Ness's father rather than taking up 1/3 of the article babbling on about my career at EarthBound.net. I'll save that for my farewell address.

I started writing this article on Sunday. It's now Wednesday, so if it seems my train of thought in this article seems a little erratic forgive me, it won't happen again. Now, back to the shady character way back when in paragraph one. He hangs out in the Onett Police Station near the jail cells. He is dressed in a back business suit with a tie and a formal derby type black hat. Now, why would he be Ness's father? The massive interrogation of course! He must have read "The 100 Most Personal Possible Questions to ask Strangers" the night before he started hanging out in that jail cell. "Are you doing your homework? Do you still wet your bed??" are just a few to name. Now how would this guy know that Ness *used to* wet his bed? Well, he's an adult, and he obviously knows enough about Ness to have been in his house. The only other options are an uncle, a doctor, or a guidance counselor. On a final note, *please*, enough with the "connections." Thank you for reading my article.