August must be the month when DISGRASIANS go on vacasian. Perhaps they can’t stand the heat. Earlier today, Diana and I discussed at length who our DOTW should be, and we were left scratching our heads.

My dad, who is a physics professor, always stressed the importance of math to one’s critical thinking. It was a bummer as a third-grader, when I was doing geometry workbooks and giving book reports on what I read in Scientific American over what seemed like an awfully short summer vacasian. But, in life, it’s come in pretty handy. So Diana and I decided to get out our No. 2 pencils and use deductive reasoning to find our DOTW.

Q: What is the most disgraceful thing happening on the planet?

A: Darfur. Iraq.

Q: Who is responsible for the most disgraceful thing happening on the planet?

A: The Sudanese government. President Bush.

Okay, let’s focus on what’s happening in our own backyard.

Q: Who is responsible for President Bush?

A: Turd Blossom.

And that’s how we “problematized” our DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK. Like everyone else, we’re not buying the “I want to spend more time with my family” horseshit, and we’re sure we haven’t seen the last of Karl Rove’s White Man’s Puff. So let’s enjoy this little summer vacasian while it lasts.