Thursday, December 31, 2015

I’ve been attacked by a man with a gun. It was bought legally. He had a concealed weapons license. He had U.S. infantry training. He also was deemed “unfit” to join both the Houston Police Department and the US Border Patrol. He was allowed to own a gun, but no longer fit to use it for work. One night he got angry, pinned me to the ground and put his gun to my head and screamed he’d kill me. Later, he threatened to come to my office and start shooting. He still holds his concealed weapons permit and can now carry in the open. Hope you don’t run across him. And you think because someone holds a concealed weapons license they must be mentally stable enough to handle a gun? Think again.

I have some new years resolutions I won’t bore you with. But my biggest hope for the new year is to learn from the mistakes of last year. I’ve been battling depression for fifteen years now. The medications are less and less effective, but I’m determined to find a better way. Like Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Last year, PHD student Bethany Rose Lamont started looking for an outlet through which she could convey her experiences with suicidal thoughts beyond “depressing, unsettling” tweets and personal essays. So she posted a question on Twitter asking whether there would be any interest in a zine focused on mental health issues, examined through a feminist-queer intersectional lens.

Brain scans reflecting the emphatic importance of a mothers love on a child’s development.(Both are Brain scans of two three-year-old children). Brain of neglected child is much smaller than that of a normal three-year-old.

The child on the left will be probably be more intelligent and will more likely be able to empathise with others whilst the child on the right has a higher chance of being involved in drugs and violent crime - The child on the right is also more likely to develop mental and other serious health problems.

“There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, ‘There now, hang on, you’ll get over it.’ Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.”

I HATE hearing stuff like this when I’m going through something incredibly difficult, but its true. My pain today will allow me to help someone in the future. It has before, it will again. My friends that have also lost a baby have helped me tremendously over the past few weeks. And even though I’m not ready yet to face the world, maybe I will be tomorrow.

I skipped Christmas. My husband and I checked into a hotel, treated ourselves to a nice dinner, and forgot the rest of the world. It was just what I needed. Just what we needed.

The holidays were particularly awful this year because I had a miscarriage a week before Christmas Day. I couldn’t bring myself to fake happiness at Christmas parties or spend hours cooking or even be around family at all. I needed space to grieve.

Gaslighting is the attempt of one person to overwrite another person’s reality. There’s a good chance that you now know more about gaslighting than most therapists. And that is really unfortunate, because if you have experienced gaslighting, it’s going to be really hard to untangle it yourself. Unfortunately, you may have to, and I want to tell you that you are not alone. Let me share my experience. Here are 10 things I wish I’d known at the beginning

Really trying hard to look on the bright side today. Got up early to get my hair done, it was an hour round trip, and the stylist didn’t bother to show up. Still grieving. Not sleeping well. Everything kinda sucks.

Seperating the Major Depressive Disorder from the grief is difficult. I find myself trying to snap out of this haze, but then I remember I lost a baby and grief is normal and a process that I should allow to run its course.

So I will stay in bed today and binge on Netflix. I won’t allow myself to feel guilty about it. This time, its ok to give in to the sadness.

I suppose the silver lining is that when I’m ready to start trying to conceive again I’ll be better at being healthy. Not that I wasn’t taking care of myself before, because I was being very health conscious. But I can be better at it. I have a goal and I can achieve it.

Monday, December 21, 2015

When dealing with my own problems today, a friend called in a frenzy, crying, and upset. Helping her with her problem made mine go away for a bit, made me feel useful, and ultimately a little better about my own problems.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Most adult children of toxic parents grow up feeling tremendous confusion about what love means and how it’s supposed to feel. Their parents did extremely unloving things to them in the name of love. They came to understand love as something chaotic, dramatic, confusing, and often painful—something they had to give up their own dreams and desires for. Obviously, that’s not what love is all about.

There’s nothing as restorative as a full night’s sleep, so when you’re not getting that, it can be the most aggravating problem to solve. To help figure it out, get a journal and keep a sleep diary. via Pocket

A lot of people don’t realize Insomnia is a mental health disorder. In fact, the only doctors that treat sleep problems are psychiatrists and cardiologists. My insomnia comes and goes but has been pretty brutal in the past. I went six days once without sleep, maybe a few short naps but couldn’t stay asleep, and I started having auditory hallucinations. I had to go to the ER and get an injection of diazepam to stop the insomnia cycle. If your lack of sleep is affecting your day to day life you should talk to a doctor.
from Tumblr http://ift.tt/1RS9bhn
via IFTTT

Being bullied in childhood has been associated with increased risk for anxiety, depression and even eating disorders. But according to new research, it’s not only the victims who could be at risk psychologically, but also the bullies themselves. via Pocket

Hey! I just thought it’s a nice idea to mention that there’s an app called “Vent.” People are able to vent and the community is really supporting there. Some of your followers might like using the app. 💕 😊

Hey love,

Thank you so much for sending this in. It means a lot that our followers are willing to send stuff like this in. You can find it for free on iTunes here and free on the Google Play store here. Feel free to message us any time. Best of wishes!!!!!!

· Daydream – Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a dream location. Breathe slowly and deeply. Whether it’s a beach, a mountaintop, a hushed forest or a favourite room from your past, let the comforting environment wrap you in a sensation of peace and tranquility.

· “Collect” positive emotional moments – Make it a point to recall times when you have experienced pleasure, comfort, tenderness, confidence, or other positive emotions.

· Learn ways to cope with negative thoughts – Negative thoughts can be insistent and loud. Learn to interrupt them. Don’t try to block them (that never works), but don’t let them take over. Try distracting yourself or comforting yourself, if you can’t solve the problem right away.

· Do one thing at a time – For example, when you are out for a walk or spending time with friends, turn off your cell phone and stop making that mental “to do” list. Take in all the sights, sounds and smells you encounter.

· Exercise – Regular physical activity improves psychological well-being and can reduce depression and anxiety. Joining an exercise group or a gym can also reduce loneliness, since it connects you with a new set of people sharing a common goal.

· Enjoy hobbies – Taking up a hobby brings balance to your life by allowing you to do something you enjoy because you want to do it, free of the pressure of everyday tasks. It also keeps your brain active.

· Set personal goals – Goals don’t have to be ambitious. You might decide to finish that book you started three years ago; to take a walk around the block every day; to learn to knit or play bridge; to call your friends instead of waiting for the phone to ring. Whatever goal you set, reaching it will build confidence and a sense of satisfaction.

· Keep a journal (or even talk to the wall!) – Expressing yourself after a stressful day can help you gain perspective, release tension and even boost your body’s resistance to illness.

· Share humour – Life often gets too serious, so when you hear or see something that makes you smile or laugh, share it with someone you know. A little humour can go a long way to keeping us mentally fit!

· Volunteer – Volunteering is called the “win-win” activity because helping others makes us feel good about ourselves. At the same time, it widens our social network, provides us with new learning experiences and can bring balance to our lives.

· Treat yourself well – Cook yourself a good meal. Have a bubble bath. See a movie. Call a friend or relative you haven’t talked to in ages. Sit on a park bench and breathe in the fragrance of flowers and grass. Whatever it is, do it just for you.

Don’t know what my problem is today, but my motivation is zero. Woke up at a decent time, but went back to sleep until noon. I’ve been laying in bed reading the news on reddit. Nothing is particularly bothering me. So why can’t I get it together? Wish I knew.

Lately, I’ve been using Cognitive Behavior Therapy to overcome my anxiety and mood. But you have to be aware of what’s affecting you to be successful at changing your thinking towards it. I just feel blasé about everything in general. I’m not sure how to fix my frame of mind today. I’m open to suggestions.

Being able to detect insecurity in the people around you can help you shake off the self-doubts that some people seem to enjoy fostering in you. Taking the high road, and not giving in to these self-doubts, may also help you foster feelings of fulfillment both in yourself, and in the insecure people you know and care about.

Doing your best to stay up with current events can often feel like drowning in a torrent of never ending bad news. With information coming at you in every direction, it’s easy to get burned out. via Pocket

Mental Health Apps

1. ACT Coach

ACT Coach teaches users how to tolerate negative thoughts and feelings by virtually guiding them through awareness exercises and giving tips on how to ditch self-doubt. With an extra focus on mindfulness, this app also provides a log to track your progress. (Free; iOS)

2. AETAS

Designed by therapist Rosemary Sword, this app uses Time Perspective Therapy, a method developed to unglue us from unhelpful or obsessive thoughts.

Chockfull of visual aids to encourage relaxation and self-soothing, AETAS also arms users with a time perspective inventory that helps them understand how they view the past, present and future will either help or hinder their happiness. ($4.99; iOS)

Created by the National Center for Telehealth and Technology, this app teaches users how to do diaphragmatic breathing. Features include educational videos on the stress response, logs to record stress levels and customizable guided breathing sessions. (Free; iOS and Android)

4. DBT Diary Card and Skills Coach

This app works as a daily mood and thought diary. But it also has a coaching module that gives tips on sticky emotional situations, like how to ask for what you need without drama or how to successfully resolve conflict.

And users get positive reinforcement when they’re consistent with their entries. The app also includes a super helpful DBT reference section for more info on coping skills — all backed by research. ($4.99; iOS)

The end result is more calm in your everyday life and more awareness of your actions and emotions. ($0.99; iOS)

7. Happify

Want to kick negative thoughts, nix worry and dial down stress? The array of engaging games, activity suggestions and gratitude prompts makes Happify a useful shortcut to a good mood.

Designed with input from 18 health and happiness experts, Happify’s positive mood-training program is psychologist approved. Even cooler? Its website links to bonus videos that are sure to make you smile. (Free; iOS)

But, as a bonus, it also allows you to compare your mood with worldwide averages, see which emotions you feel the most and export your mood tracking data so you can share it with a mental health professional or trusted friend. ($9.99-$12.99; iOS and Android)

If you suffer from PTSD symptoms, this 24-hour tool that’s linked directly with support services is a valuable thing to download.

Available as an app or on the Web, PTSD Coach lets users select the specific issue they want to deal with (from anxiety and anger to insomnia and alienation), and then gives them guidance on how to lift their mood, shift their mindset and reduce stress. (Free; iOS and Android)

12. Quit It

If you’re a smoker, you probably already know all about the nasty health consequences. But that probably doesn’t stop you from lighting up.

This app’s approach is different. It shows you the hit your wallet takes every time you get another pack. Even better: Quit It calculates how much money you save each time you don’t smoke.

Think of it as extra financial incentive to kick nicotine and tobacco (and save for something far better!). ($1.99; iOS)

13. Quit Pro

Think of this as a fitness tracker for your smoking habit. By monitoring your cravings over time, the places you puff the most, the triggers that lead you to light up and the money you save by resisting a cigarette, this comprehensive app is a much better thing to have in your back pocket than a pack of smokes. (Free; iOS and Android)

14. SAM

How do you know what’s pushing you over the edge and reel yourself back in? SAM’s approach is to monitor anxious thoughts, track behavior over time and use guided self-help exercises to discourage stress.

Relying on the powers of relaxation, visualization and positive suggestions, this pro-sobriety app has the goal of calming your mind and getting it to a less stressed place — where you’ll be less likely to crave a drink.

Take advantage of the reminder feature that gives periodic chimes to prompt you to breathe and focus on the good throughout the day. ($2.99; iOS and Android)

18. Stress and Anxiety Companion

Sure, we know that releasing negative thoughts, practicing relaxation techniques and engaging in mindful awareness is good for our wellbeing. But that doesn’t mean we actually do it.

Additional features allow you to identify anxiety triggers to make sure they don’t catch you off-guard. ($4.99; iOS)

19. Talkspace

Bet you didn’t think you could chat with a therapist for just $25 a week. Well, Talkspace makes that possible.

For that low fee, you can text message with a trained professional every day of the week, as many times as you want. They also offer services for individuals and couples. Oh, and the best part? You can do it from your couch. ($25/month; iOS and Android)

20. Worry Watch

We all get anxious only to realize later our anxieties were overblown or irrational. The idea behind Worry Watch is to nip these moments in the bud.

This app enables users to track what kickstarts their anxiety, note trends in their feelings, observe when the outcomes were harmless and keep tabs on insights to stop future freakouts.

To lower your anxiety even further, Worry Watch is password protected, so whatever you divulge in the diary feature is safe and sound. ($1.99; iOS)

Websites, Online Support and Forums

21. Body Dysmorphic Disorder Foundation

People with Body Dysmorphic Disorder have a damaging preoccupation with their appearance and an obsessive focus on their physical flaws. If that sounds familiar, you might find some relief on the BDD Foundation’s website.

Resources for better understanding the problem, seeking treatment and spreading the word about the disorder are all laid out here.

22. Center for Complicated Grief

Hosted by the Center for Complicated Grief, this long list of resources gives people a ton of alternative outlets, social support groups and organizations to connect with when healing from the loss of a loved one.

One of the center’s best resources is its online volunteer-run chat room. All chats are confidential (read: no transcripts or recordings are saved). Chats are open 1 pm to 9 pm PST during the week and between 9 am and 2 pm PST on weekends.

From education about mental illness to updates on insurance coverage, NAMI offers a slew of resources. People who want to get informed about the workings of the mind and our government’s recognition of mood and behavioral disorders will get the full scoop here.

But arguably the most helpful resource is the heart-wrenching and hopeful personal stories from individuals across the country sharing their accounts of living with mental illness.

It serves as a hub on a variety of topics: the latest news on a range of disorders, updates on new treatments and reports on insurance coverage. And, yes, you can also search for support via NIMH’s site as well.

33. OK2Talk

Designed for teens and young adults with mental illness, this site offers an online outlet for people to come forward with their own stories, find support and discuss the diagnoses they may have received.

OK2Talk comes with plenty of motivational posts and mantras as well. One quick look at the site will tip you off that, whatever you’re struggling with, you’re most certainly not alone.

34. Stalking Resource Center

You probably already know stalking is an extremely serious issue. But you may not know what type of help to seek if you or someone you know is a victim. Here’s where the Stalking Resource Center can help.

They present a number of options for anyone struggling with endless unwanted attention or obsessive behavior. From a brochure explaining what stalking is (and how to tell if you’re being followed) to tips on developing a safety plan, this site should be the first stop for anyone in need of assistance.

35. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

This government-sponsored resource is chockfull of data, research insights, grants and educational tools about substance dependencies and mood or behavioral issues. SAMHSA also offers many resources for people suffering from these issues.

36. Trevor Space

Are you a young person seeking support for an identity that falls along the LGBTQ spectrum? This site, an endeavor sponsored by the Trevor Project, is an excellent safe haven to connect to other young gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans* or queer people.

You’ll also pick up news about LGBTQ issues and get tips for joining in the community, wherever you live.

Hotlines and Call Centers

37. Borderline Personality Disorder Resource Center: 1-888-694-2273

If you’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder — or you have a hunch you or a loved one may be displaying symptoms of BPD — the social workers staffing the Borderline Personality Disorder Resource Center’s hotline can arm you with all the information you need about local resources and provide immediate over-the-phone counseling.

Pour your heart out to a skilled staffer without fear of being judged, and if you’d like referrals to local mental health care services after your call, hotline representatives can set you up.

39. Disaster Distress Hotline: 1-800-985-5990

If you’ve recently been the victim of a disaster (whether caused by nature or man), this is your go-to contact for all things related to counseling and relief. The trained counselors staffing the Disaster Distress Hotline provide help to those suffering in the wake of hurricanes, floods, wildfires, droughts and earthquakes as well as incidences of mass violence or health epidemics (like the Ebola crisis).

The call center is also open to friends and family members of victims. An alternative way to connect is to text “TalkWithUs” to 66746.

40. GLBT National Help Line: 1-888-843-4564

Need to talk to someone who gets it when it comes to coming out, being bullied for your sexual orientation, or navigating same-sex relationships? Look no further than the GLBT National Help Line, run by peers and allies of the LGBTQ community.

This hotline is ready to hear your concerns and can connect you to the GLBT National Help Center’s massive list of resources for LGBTQ-friendly services and organizations near you.

41. GLBT National Help Center for Youth: 1-800-246-7743

If you’re under 21 and looking to speak with a peer counselor who really understands issues related to gender or sexual identity, this is the number to call. Similar to the national help line, this version for youth lets young LGBTQ-identified individuals dial in to talk about hardships faced in their day-to-day lives.

Callers can also access a ton of resources to help bolster them well into their 20s and beyond.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

I intended this blog to be about dealing with my depression and PTSD. But there is SO much talk about guns right now and they are the reason I have PTSD to begin with.

HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE **PERSONALLY** BEEN ATTACKED AND HAD SOMEONE PUT A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND THREATEN TO PULL THE TRIGGER?

HOW MANY OF YOU?

I have.

The gun was purchased legally. My attacker was ex-army. He was judged to be mentally unfit to join the Houston Police Department and the US Border Patrol but deemed fit to own a firearm. When informed there would be a restraining order against him he threatened to come to my office and start shooting. Thankfully, that was the one promise he didn’t keep. I had to quit a job I loved and move 300 miles to get away from him.

This “man” is still out there. In Texas. I hope you never come across him.

PLEASE, tell me again why open carry in Texas is a good idea. Tell me again why better screening processes and longer waiting periods for purchasing firearms isn’t a good idea.

Eight years later, I still have panic attacks related to this event. I’m lucky to be alive. I fear that as a result of this pro-gun agenda, many will not be so lucky. And no, had I been armed I would not have been able to keep him from doing what he did. Had I been armed he wouldn’t have hesitated to pull the trigger.

“Success is going from one failure to another without loss of enthusiasm.”

-

Winston Churchill

I had a conversation with my aunt recently about what I was dealing with in therapy. I have one brother and two cousins and we are all very close in age although, I am the oldest. My brother is a successful chef, one cousin is a very impressive landscape architect, and the other cousin is a music prodigy and teaches piano.

I’m very proud of them, but I find myself comparing their success to my lack thereof and I get depressed and frustrated about it. I know I shouldn’t. I know we all have different paths and different obstacles to overcome.

My aunt told me that I was a success. Not all success is measured by how great your paycheck is, or how many awards you win, or how quick success is achieved. She told me that I had a successful marriage, that I was successful at taking care of my family, that I genuinely cared about others and I had a great gift of passion. I had failed to look at the bigger picture and had a very narrow view of what success really meant.

Keeping this new perception of success in mind, I continue to chip away at having my ultimate career. Slowly, perhaps, but I make an effort everyday. Especially after I fail. With creativity I can solve any problem. With enthusiasm I will not quit.

Its getting cold out there. This is the second news story I’ve read about distributing care packages for the homeless. A couple of protein bars, and travel size toiletries like deodorant, hand sanitizer, talcum powder, tissues and shampoo can really help. Also, clean socks and underwear and gloves. You can get all these items at the dollar store!

Defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological strategies that help us to cope with reality whilst also preserving our self esteem. Normal, healthy people use them regularly. However, some unhealthy defenses include:

1. Acting out: This is directly expressing an unconscious impulse without realising what is driving the behaviour.
2. Fantasy: This is retreating to a fantasy world to escape, or resolve, conflicts we are battling with.
3. Idealization: This is unconsciously choosing to see another person as being more ideal or perfect than they really are.
4. Passive aggression: This is expressing our anger indirectly, for example, through being late or doing something that “inadvertently” destroys another’s plans.
5. Projection: This is attributing our own unacknowledged, and unacceptable, thoughts and emotions onto someone else.
6. Somatization: This is translating negative thoughts and feelings into physical symptoms. For example, suffering from migraines when you’re dealing with a difficult relationship.
7. Denial: This is refusing to accept reality because it is too painful or threatening.
8. Regression: This is temporarily reverting to an earlier stage of development to avoid handling problems and concerns in a more appropriate and adult way.
9. Distortion: This is totally reshaping your picture of reality so it’s now consistent with your internal needs.
10. Splitting: This is a primitive defence where the negative and positive aspects are split off – and there’s no integration of these parts at all. For example, the person may view others as being either completely good or completely evil, rather than a mixture of good and bad traits.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

I agree that the stigma around mental illness needs to be erased but honestly I think that a bigger priority should be actually expanding access to mental health services.

Because oftentimes even when people are strong enough to ask for help, they are not able to get it. This is especially true for low income folks.

Even if we didn’t have stigma around mental illness and everyone was comfortable openly identifying as having depression, PTSD, etc., what good is it if there is no help out there for them?

I’m sick of seeing all of these organizations and people making feel good posts about “suicide hotlines” and shit, like yes those are really good and helpful, but we also need long term solutions like funding and access to long term therapy for people, solutions that don’t just focus on the moment of crisis but actually comprehensively help people.