Eliminating Mealtime Stress

Helping to create happy, relaxed family meals

May 23, 2016
by Pam Larouche and Elisa Costanza-Reyes

Have mealtimes become a dreaded power struggle of pleading and arguing with your child to eat something, anything, just one bite? The challenge is real and although it can cause anxiety for us as parents, it is beneficial for us to take a step back and allow our children to be in control of what they eat.

With our years of experience with many, many children, we have discovered that most little ones will only eat one big meal a day. Most of the children in our care have always eaten a big breakfast or lunch and hardly any dinner. It is very common for them to have one big meal and 2 smaller ones throughout the day.

Preparing the plate

Set them up for success by filling their plates appropriately. Filling them too much can be overwhelming for them causing them to shut down and not even want to eat any of it. Instead, start with a small portion of food so that their stomach’s are able to handle it.

Tip #1 - Think about how you feel when someone makes a plate for you and puts way too much on it expecting you to finish it all.

Allow them to listen to their internal voice

Our little one’s have the same internal voice as we do and teaching them to listen to that voice is far more important than the 2 or 3 bites you may sneak into them. Forcing them to finish the whole plate when they may not be hungry can lead to them ignoring their internal voice to finish those last two bites when they are already full or to eat when they aren’t hungry. Children will not starve themselves. Their appetites and their taste in food can change from day to day and from week to week. Try not to focus on them finishing their whole plates. Rather, focus on the fact that they have at least tried a few bites of each food.

Tip #2 - Children’s stomachs are a lot smaller than we think. You would be surprised at how much food they actually need to sustain themselves.

Power struggle

Mealtime battles can quickly become an hour long battle of wills. Children have very little control of their day, but deciding what they will and will not eat is something they have full control of. Making a big deal out of a skipped meal or smaller than usual meal can actually perpetuate the struggle. It may take practice but making the amount of food consumed a non-issue will keep it a non-issue and will eliminate the mealtime stress!

Tip #3 - You are not a restaurant. Although you may be concerned that your child is not eating, you also want to be mindful that making a second, third or fourth meal for them will not guarantee they will eat. This will also definitely continue the cycle of picking eating!

Make mealtime fun

Encouraging your child to eat healthy foods can be somewhat of a challenge! Try jazzing up some of their meals by making them fun. You can fill an empty ice cube tray with small portions of different options of food so that they are presented with a variety of foods and they can choose what they would like to taste.

*Think of how exciting it is to get a variety of hors d'oeuvres at a restaurant!

Tip #4 Try and impress them at least twice a week by making a scene with their food. A butterfly sandwich, a stick person out of carrots and dip, a caterpillar out of bananas and pretzels, ants on a log with celery etc.

Trying new foods

A great way to encourage your child to taste and eventually like a new food is to do the 10 times challenge. Create a chart that lists all of the foods your child refuses to eat with enough space for 10 squares beside it. Each time your child tastes, takes a bite of or eats that specific food, they can check off a box. The more toddlers see food, the more likely they are to try it so if you are introducing a new fruit, offer that fruit at breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a few days. No pressure, just there so that he gets comfortable seeing it over and over again.

Tip #5 - It can take children 10 times of trying something before they can definitively say they do not like it.

Schedules and routines

In order for your children to be hungry at meal times, it is important to try and schedule snacks and meals at approximately the same times every day. This will allow your child’s stomach to feel hungry and ready to eat. Avoid having your child snack all day long as this can cause them to never be hungry enough to eat a full meal. It is best if water is served in between meals to avoid having them fill up on milk or juice causing them to be full during mealtimes.

Tip #6 - Be mindful of what time they are having their afternoon snack. If the snack is too big or too close to dinner, your child may genuinely not be hungry.

Practice what you preach

Your children are watching you. If you refuse to eat certain foods or voice your opinion on them, your children will be a lot less likely to try them and like them. Even if you are not fond of the foods, make the effort to try them while your children are around.

Tip# 7- Keep the scrunched up and grossed out faces internal so that your children cannot see!

If you feel that your child is not getting enough nutrition, is losing weight, or is complaining of stomach pain, please consult your doctor or health care professional. They will be able to ensure that your child is given the proper care and attention needed.

Elisa and Pam are the founders of Restful Parenting — Holistic Infant and Child Sleep Consultants and offer classes and workshops across Ontario as well as private consultations across Canada. They are both early childhood educators and certified Infant and Child Sleep Consultants and have extensive experience in early childhood development as well as a natural ability to understand children and sleep. Between the two of them, they have 6 healthy, rambunctious children ranging in age from 4 months to 10 years. Follow them on Facebook.

EcoParent is a quarterly magazine for families that want to make healthier, greener lifestyle choices. Fun and inspirational in tone – and never judgmental – we appeal to the already eco-savvy, but remain accessible to the newly eco-curious. Food, fashion, books, travel, health & beauty, home & garden, and so much more!