Kate Middleton Pregnancy Watch: her pregnancy hair

HATS off to the Daily Mail’s legion of female hacks who knew Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, was pregnant and never told a living soul. In a piece called “WHEN THEY SAW THAT NEW HAIRDO, EVERY WOMAN KNEW” Rebecca English notes:

We knew already, you know. The cannier observers among us had already guessed a royal baby was on the way. How? It was all thanks to Kate’s hair: her great symbol, the vehicle through which she speaks to her public. The instant many of us caught sight of last week’s new fringe we just knew…

When we spotted the young Duchess hiding bashfully behind her new bangs, it was evident that a fresh era for Kate, her marriage, and her dynastic ambitions was being heralded.

So. There you have it. If your wife or lover get new bangs, she’s pregnant and those dynastic ambitions have won the day. Either that or else she’s having an affair..?

On November 29, the Mail’s India Sturgis told readers “Five steps to Kate’s new cut: How you can copy the Duchess’ new style”. Amid the tips for snipping and dying, we saw not hint of “get impregnated by Prince William”.

The Gloss tells us “What Your Hairstyle Says About You”. Kate has a middle parting:

You’re low maintenance. Not one of those girls who thinks she’s low maintenance but is actually unbelievable high maintenance. You are really, seriously, very cool. You enjoy baseball games and do not obsess over not eating carbs. You eat carbs, You don’t understand why this is a thing you’d even think about.