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Thursday, March 29, 2012

defending the cause.

Defend the cause of the fatherless. That was the verse I chose for the top of our blog. I loved the sentiment of it. There are many good verses about adoption in the bible, but I loved that one, in part because it includes the word "defend". I love to defend things. It's why I study social work. I despise injustice and unfairness. Although I cannot change the world, I can change some things; I can be a voice for those without one. It is what I endeavor to do with my bachelor's (and eventually my master's) degree. It is what I endeavor to do for our future son and what I pray we can do for The Bad Place where he lives.

Thankfully, I am not the only voice in that discussion. And the more voices, the louder the voices become. I can shout loudly, but I am still only one. It is the multitude of voices that creates a stir that cannot be ignored. Although God happily uses only one person to accomplish mighty things, a few extra voices don't hurt the cause.

I believe it's the sheer number of voices that shout for the fatherless that draws the ire of some who inhabit blogs and leave spineless, silly, unsubstantiated, poorly researched, cowardly comments. In spite of their weak, meager voices, people continue to adopt. The numbers may be smaller, but these misguided, critical voices cannot drown out those who believe children deserve a chance to be valued. Even the (very) few parents who ultimately travel the road of adoption and fail, (some in ways that are frightful) cannot drown out the voices of those who succeed; the voices of those who are ultimately victorious and endure through every challenge to bring a precious life from darkness into love.

We have already paid thousands (literally, thousands) of dollars to adopt our Little Dude already. This money didn't come from thin air; it came from our pockets. It depleted some of our savings and came from tax returns and bonuses; things we could have used for other things and did not. Our yearly trip to our condo in Florida was rented out for a profit instead of traveling there. Our other yearly vacations have become shortened trips to local destinations. Our desire to replace one of our cars has been put on hold. We still pay almost $300 per month for our daughter's hippotherapy, something we hope that our Little Dude can enjoy and benefit from when he comes home. Naturally, when we are not paying thousands of dollars for adoption expenses, the money we would normally have use of will return to us.

I am grateful and blessed that, as I wrote out every expense that we incur on a monthly basis, there was a surplus. Right now, that surplus goes to increasing our adoption savings. This is why, for those less educated cowards, extra money to pay for even more extra things is not easy and in some cases, not even possible. If we expend the resources we have for those things, then we will not be able to meet our goals for the adoption expenses. This is why fundraising is important, but we state unequivocally that we are blessed not to need the entire sum. We have put great thought and effort into our ability to adopt and although we don't know where every dollar is going to come from, we know that it will come. That's why we are hopeful to raise funds for additional nutrition for our future son, and that is why we will reach out to others to help cover the expenses of a Baba; something that we shouldn't even need to pay for, but in The Bad Place is nearly a necessity. Of course we have ample funds to pay for these things - and if we weren't attempting to save close to $30,000 in total to include travel expenses and everything else, we'd have it. We are certainly a family who has enough, but not one that has an extra $30,000 laying around. For reference, we didn't have an extra $20,000 laying around when we did IVF. We got the money slowly, through savings, through help from family, and through a small loan. No one criticized our desires when we wanted to go to the fertility clinic, but there are some spineless, cowardly fools who somehow feed on those who ask for help adopting. I do believe they treat adoption blogs as car accidents; and like most of weak mind, they are unable to look away.

I stand firmly and boldly on our choices, prepared to defend the fatherless not only because it is God's call, but because it is the calling for us. I am not in a position, as some are, to adopt several children at once. I can adopt one. I can bring a child who has no family to live with to live with ours. I spend my precious free time researching the pediatric opthalmologist we will try to bring him to, or learning what I can of his birth culture, or finding resources for children who are vision impaired and developmentally delayed. I do this on top of caring for our daughter, taking three classes in college, and being a decent wife.

Stand firmly and boldly on whatever choices you make. Don't hide in the corner, afraid to show your face. If you believe what you believe, tell others. Be genuine and clear. There is no ambiguity here. There are no fake names and hidden agendas. We are adopting a special needs child from the most horrific orphanage I know of. We do this without shame. It is not a shameful act, because this child is not a shameful child, and our preparation is not inadequate and hidden. We are anxious to bring him home, we are nervous to bring him home, and we are realistic in our ideals. But we stand, firmly and boldly, to proclaim the causes of the fatherless. Whether you adopt, help us adopt, or help others adopt, stand firmly and boldly. Thank you for your prayers, for your thoughts, for sharing our story and for standing without shame instead of hiding in the shadows.

1 comment:

You are doing a wonderful thing! I just donated to your family fund and you guys are in my thoughts. Whenever I hear about people criticizing those who are adopting I think of the poem by Mother Teresa that ends with, "You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;It was never between you and them anyway."