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Hitler Was a Cheater

There's a parallel between athletics and videogames: cheating. Biochemists are locked in an escalating battle between drug tests and masking agents, as programmers and hackers play a perpetual game of oneupsmanship. But whereas athletes stand to gain tremendous financial windfalls, these hackers toil tirelessly for hours upon end for no discernible reward other than the "satisfaction" of ruining other players' fun.

Instead of indiscriminately criminalizing all videogamers, I say Congress should go after hackers and cheaters. These are the morally-deficient ego-driven antisocial personality disorder-ridden malfeasants who at best, will contribute nothing beneficial to society and at worst, will become terrorists without a cause.

Oh, and screw you George Lucas (original version of Star Wars out on DVD, after suckering people into buying his shitty revisions).