The end of last year was fraught and more than a little tense, I dodged The Reaper by an inch but still sustained some serious injuries to myself.

I had never broken anything before, so to start with a C1 fracture and a fractured skull kind of gave me a bit of a jump, months have now passed but I have to admit most days are still marred by pain and discomfort, I am not however dead, so I will take the pain until I cannot take it anymore and then I will take the painkillers.

I like codeine, I like codeine a lot, I like it on its own and I like it diluted with paracetamol, I also like it with ibuprofen and when I can get it I really like tramadol.

I suppose I am now a little bit like Sherlock Holmes, a tormented genius with a reliance upon opiates….

I broached this similarity to my daughter…

she wasn’t impressed, she doesn’t think that I am a tormented genius at all, she thinks I am for the most part a “knobhead”.

When I was back up on my feet I went back to collect a trophy piece from the tree that nearly killed me

One thing that I thought I would get around to if ever I was away from work long enough would be finishing my book, I have been writing a book about a seven foot tall, blue haired dwarf called Kai Ang V’Shoor for around a decade, I really should get it finished before I am finished and as dead as the dead silver birch that fell on my head because if the dead silver birch proves one thing, it proves, you never know when you will be finished.

The reality of the situation however is different, I found that a drugged haze was not at all conducive to writing anything more complex than a few Christmas cards and the odd shopping list.

I was back at work after six weeks and in doing so probably did as much damage to myself again as the tree did initially, in short, I am now a short shift show pony, my back and neck are for want of a better word fucked and the headaches are a daily bind…BUT…As I have already said I am more than happy I dodged the scythe.

Many good people did not dodge the scythe and so it would be ungrateful of me to whine on about a bit of pain, instead I salute the fallen and remember them when I catch.

So have I actually caught anything?

Yes, I have, I haven’t been doing too badly actually, I have mostly been fishing for chub but I have also had a few trout and a few grayling from the Don as well, the first session I had after my accident lasted all of an hour and consisted of a few dozen casts and one bite, the bite came on my fist cast and resulted in a chub of just over 4lb if I remember correctly, the whole thing is a bit of a blur if truth be told, I just remember a modicum of fist pumping and a whole load of cheering.

The Trent machine was back out and running!

And not only running, running so smooth that he had an audience in no time at all!

Ok, the audience consisted of a single Robin hell bent on fattening up on whatever scraps I wasn’t going to feed the fish but it was an audience nonetheless and when a person is so egocentric a “The Machine”, all audiences are good audiences!

I also find that since my accident I am referring to myself in the third person a whole lot more than I used to, I am almost upto the level of “The Trump”

The Trump has taken third person referencing to a whole new level, I really do like the man, he is utterly barking mad and completely sure of what he is going to do, I like that in people, I do not want horse trading politicians making watered down compromises all the time I want hard nosed decisions that piss people off, decisions that piss people off are generally on the right track especially if the people that are pissed off have never done a days work in thier lives, are not economically viable migrants or people of a non binary sexuality, not that I am knocking people of a non binary persuasion, I do not care if a person is gay or straight, I do not care one iota how they get thier jollies, it is all just friction and chemistry at the end of the day and just so long as it does not include children, animals or excessive pain, people can do what they like for me but I do have a problem when the agenda goes further.

I do have some boundaries so when I get the whole LGBT thing thrust at me at every turn it does begin to grate a little and that when I get obstinate hence may fall back position, I accept that people are not all XX or XY there are XXYY Klinefelter syndrome sufferer or 48 XXXX tetrasomy sufferers ….

However in my world “non binary” doesn’t cover people called Gerald that like to stick hamsters up their arse or ladies called Xander “XXX” Cockslayer that inject so much testosterone thier “foofoonar” turns into a “mini-wijjy” , these people are just plain fucking freaks.

Sorry but not sorry if that sounds a bit harsh.

Gay or Straight I don’t care just don’t point it at me and expect me to suck on it.

The world is full of freaks that think that everything and everyone owes them a living and needs to respect thier views, no it fucking doesn’t.

I do not have to respect the feelings, views or belief system of anyone on this planet especially when what they have to say is utter bollocks and they happen to be absolute patent fucking fruitloops.

“Oooh you bastard, you fascist, you nazi, you knuckle dragging piece of entitled white heterosexual garbage….How dare you oppress the people” I hear the whiny fuckwits scream in the distance…I can almost feel the rattle of libtard keyboards in response.

Lets take religion for instance, people use religion in all manner of ways to excuse all manner of fuckwittery and social abnormalities it is the weapon of choice used by 99.99% of all cunts that have ever drawn breath.

Religion should be a comfort ( my religion is) it should not be a means to oppress the intellect of the masses as the Abrahamic stuff does….Simple fact….The world is not 6.000 years old and Moses did not walk with dinosaurs, the world is roundish and it travels around the sun every 365.25 days, we are not the center of the universe ( Can somebody tell Beyonce and the Kardashians) , our world is a fantastic accident of chemistry and physics it is billions of years old and we evolved.

Now…Here is the kicker… We may have had some help with evolution, we as a species on ape may well have been tweaked a bit along the way by a number of species so far in advance of our own we would think of them as Gods but a bloke in a white floaty gown did not make the world in six days and he did not do it all six thousand years ago…that is just plain gibberish, utter drivel.

And as for him being a beneficent and merciful God, I would personally spit in his face and kick him in the bollocks for his major fuck up that is childhood cancer, just for that alone he would get a good old size 9 at full swing into his hairy sack of Genesis globes.

Twat.

I also find that I drift off on a tangent more often and at a slight more racial angle than before…I no longer have a “train of thought”, it is more a “rolling boulder of consciousness” and at times I have no idea where the fuck it is going to go…

So…Let me get back to the fishing….

Most of my fishing has been for chub, I have used bread and steak mostly, it is a simple affair with chub and my rigs are minimalist using just enough weight to get what I want where I want to put itr with just a little bit of something to tempt the taste buds.

I am adamant that chub respond to a trickle of freebies in a way that will generally get them feeding just so long as the conditions are favourable and by favourable I mean in a river where the water temperature that is somewhere above freezing , is not full of snow melt and the local council have not just dropped a few hundred ton of salt on the highways and byways

I personally do not like big floods for chub although a little extra and some colour will bring good results.

When there is some colour in the river that is when I get the cheese paste out of the freezer. I find cheese paste out fishes both bread and steak in coloured water conditions.

One thing I do use when targeting chub on a static basis is a keepnet…

….DO NOT EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO SHAME ME…

I use a keepnet so that the fish I catch cannot drift straight back to the group and take them on a merry little trip to Isengard ..,And they will…

The only thing I like to see going to Isengard are Hobbits!

The one thing that I have found with keepnets though is they are a magnet to pike, they love to settle by the side of them and wait so when it comes to emptying the net, have a little splash around with a landing net to spook them off giving the chub time to bugger of unhindered .

I have done a bit of trout fishing as well….

And it was bloody cold, very bloody cold, the annual trip to Ernie’s was as always a great day but this year the fishing was a little slow as the weather was brutally cold

.

Most people caught one or two Richard Ward did the best with either 10 or 11, it just goes to show that in the harder conditions the better anglers will always outfish the lesser anglers, it is only when conditions are easy that peoples angling abilities can flatter to deceive.

I had two fish and lost one , I was more than happy with that, my brother Jamie could not get his to stick, he had seven fish on and popped them all off.

A trip to Ernie’s would not be the same without a mention of chef Blinston , a man so good at his job he can feed a dozen men with nothing but a calor gas stove and a pile of assorted pork products, Spiders I salute you!

Down on the Field

Down on the field it is cold, everything is in slow motion, the Goldfinches made short work of the teasels although they are happy that there are now enough to keep them occupied a few days rather than a few hours.

I will be putting in some fruit trees very soon, I have a plan to make a circle of fruit trees not unlike a stone circle, it will have to be a little larger than most but will when finished be rather cool.

Anyway that is enough from me for now…take care…happy fishing and just for the record Donald Trump won because people like what he has to say…that does not make them bad people it just means that somewhere down the line politics failed them.

Think on it.

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