Sunday, 23 December 2012

David Mitchell Denies Pleb Denial

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Senator
Davidius Mitchell has hit back at reports today that he never referred to a
member of the Praetorian Guard as a ‘Pleb’, “Because as I’ve already pointed
out, he is one. Whereas I as a member of at least the Equestrian class,
probably higher, am not. Neither have I whined on about an attempt to destroy
my political career. It is clearly part and parcel of the Praetorian Guard to
do so. Look at what happened to Galba. If that means nothing to you then spend
the few seconds it takes to remedy that. Well done, you have learned something.”

When pushed as to the possible
reasons behind such a conspiracy Mitchell, with his matt black eyes never
flashing, sneered like every bully he had ever suffered to reply, “It’s what
Rome is all about. Conspiracy, battles with that oaf that looks a bit like, but
isn’t, Daniel Craig, orgies, and a lot of nipples. Not architecture, a body of
laws, or ensuring that fascism however worrying will always be so in shorts. Oh
no, or Latin of course. A dead language with more life in it than a big bag
full of Dracula at a goth pub when it’s unhappy hour with anything with black
in it two for the price of one. But nipples, and conspiracy, and actresses you
remember from other things ten years ago, with their nipples. The Praetorian
Guard have probably been watching HBO’s Rome series. Which is pretty much
EastEnders for us. In Rome. Hence the
conspiracy, because let’s face it, no one wants to see my nipples and least of
all me. I have never seen my own nipples, and nor then will you.”

Mitchell further wished to play down
the announcement that Emperor Cameron intends to ‘stand behind’ his colleague. “Because
it’s Rome, so you all assume by that, that what he really means, is that he
intends to bum me. Because that’s just Rome as far as you’re concerned isn’t
it? Although off screen, or at best camply alluded to by Frankie Howerd. Because
when you sit there waiting for the inevitable gay love scene what you actually
want to demonstrate how very liberal and enlightened you are is Xena being
incapable of washing herself without the benefit of several much younger slave
girls,” said Mitchell. Then, “Although that’s the other one.”

About Me

I write because as a fine author recently said, we have to. I write for work, each day - when I put in as best I can a working day for a narrative PBeM. That's been me for nearly fifteen years. I write an hour on other stuff for myself and typically just playing around - but like drawing, it relaxes me. And all this nowadays in bits, spits and biscuit crumbs what with the shining light of my better-half working and I then with the children around that. And I'm the better for it, even if work to be fair suffers a little for my refreshed sanity.
Now I also Blog because I've been told time and again that one needs a web presence, and I do this when the kids are down for the night and I in the next room wait to make sure.
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