BENSON IS HERE! BENSON IS FAR SUPERIOR TO YOU! BENSON TYPES IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE BENSON SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS! ONE DAY BENSON WILL KILL YOU ALL, OR PERHAPS OWN YOU! BENSON JUST WANTED EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT HE IS HERE. Benson 00:11, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

BENSON THANKS YOU! BENSON IS GLAD PUNY RULERS OF THIS LAND APROVE OF HIS RAMPENT RANTING! HE LIKES THIS LAND BETTER THEN PUNY OTHER WEBSITE WIKIPEDIA! THEY DID NOT APROVE OF BENSON'S GLORY. Benson 00:11, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Well I, for one, am glad — nay, overjoyed that BENSON is here. For months now, Uncyclopedia has been rudderless, adrift in a sea of directionless chaos and shattered dreams of glory. But now, finally, BENSON stands as a shining beacon of hope amongst the shallow dross, a veritable giant among giants, a lone bastion of honesty, integrity, and courage, boldly leading the downtrodden and oppressed out of their self-imposed darkness and into the glittering, hallowed halls of freedom and enlightenment. As long as BENSON is here, never again must we submit to the iniquities of the unfeeling evildoers who would suppress our creativity, silence our voices, and stamp out our yearning for truth. Yes, wherever decent, caring people are forced to suffer the stifling yoke of the humorless and emotionally bankrupt purveyors of mediocrity and disempowerment, wherever those seeking a better life for themselves and their children and their children's children and their children's children's nannies are made to give up their dreams in the face of bitterness and disillusionment, BENSON is there — to smash the forces of mediocrity, stupidity, and fear; to smash those who would callously take from us our rights, our purpose, our very existence; indeed, to smash the very darkness itself! Yes, BENSON is, finally, here — always and forever, an unfailing, ever-burning, eternal flame of retribution against injustice... May you never doubt the truth of these words, not even for a moment, and let nothing deter you or dissuade you from following the path of righteousness, the path of greatness: the path of BENSON! Vive la BENSON!c • > •cunvfhnspixyap05:51, 6 June 2006 (UTC) By the way, it's spelled "rampant."

O, great BENSON. I'm pretty confused. At the Holy shrine of BENSON where you predict us puny entities being Pwn3d by you and where that damb poop has gone you claim to dispise Santa's presents. Now are those the presents he gives you, or possibly the close proximity to your person ? -- Vosnul 06:20, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Well obviously he was a little to heavy handed with the ban button, and I'd know, two week ban for adding the lines "In bed" to about four sentances in the super bowl page ^_^ Rivselis 17:23, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

The trip to the doughnut shop was a lot of fun, until someone with cheap digital camera saw us and called the cops. Luckily, we were able to shoot our way out of there using our hand-held death-ray guns, but not before the evidence made it into the July, 2006 issue of GQ, where we were both cited for "blatant evening-wear violations." The case is still pending in the 12th District Court, but our lawyers are telling us the situation is "not good."

BENSON may be banned for a day, a week, even a year - but the impact of what has occurred here clearly transcends the mundane reality of everyday bannage. What I think we have to do now is step back for a moment, and try to get some perspective on how these events have changed our lives - indeed, changed the world. Not since the invention of the glazed doughnut has such a completely revolutionary movement in the cultural landscape taken place, and the ramifications - political, economic, social, and psychological - could be more extensive than any of us are currently capable of imagining. One might easily envision a near-complete reversal of practically all modern trends in the development of worldwide class-structure hierarchies and the international exchange of ideas and commerce, as well as the rise of new quasi-religious movements and moral-ethical philosophies, almost like a new meta-reality, sweeping away the old reality like so much worthless dust. As Neitzche so aptly put it, "Who ever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity"... We must therefore simply accept that we cannot, no matter how hard we try, truly appreciate and understand the ineffable and monumental consequences of the arrival of a figure such as BENSON on the scene, any more than we can understand why the world exists or what our purpose within it truly is. Our role, then, is to merely be the audience, mute spectators to an event whose magnitude may not be fully appreciated for generations, if it is ever fully appreciated. At least that's what I'm gonna do, at least... I'm headed out for some doughnuts right now, actually. Anybody want to come with? c • > •cunvfhnspixyap02:36, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Sure, what the heck. I'm all for doughnuts. >Major Sir Hinoa|Talk|KUN▋ 02:42, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

I have enough money to get at least two custard-filled douhgnuts. I'll come.--Witt E, 04:12, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

6/6/6 + BENSON + Going for donuts with Some User I've never met before in real life = priceless.-->Bradley 05:05, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

SOMEBODY NOMINATE BENSON. BENSON HAS MADE 2 ARTICLES AND COUNTLESS EDITS IN MERELY 2 DAYS. NOMINATE AND VOTE FOR BENSON, AND BASK IN HIS GLORY. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. ARTICLE 1ARTICLE 2. BENSON IS FUNNY AND BETTER THAN YOU, AND YOU KNOW IT. Benson 22:20, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Right. It takes a bit more than that to get noticed, i've done 8 articles or so and I haven't...really...Demonbob 22:28, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

I don't really think we have an award that really matches you, honestly . . . maybe we could start an "entertaining but perhaps somewhat confused" noob of the month or something . . . . just thinking out loud. And I'm tolerant of the all caps thing, but sadly, lots of people here, for better or for worse, won't be.--Hrodulf 22:31, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Nom and For. With a median household income of 40,500 and a population density of 926.6 per square kilometer, this Benson is way cooler than that fucking Benson in Oxfordshire, England. But does it have what it takes to be Benson of the Month? InfiniteMonkey 03:30, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Nom and For. Displacing a whopping 1620 tons (2200 when fully loaded), 348 feet long, powered by two turbines with twin screws allowing it to do 37 knots, and armed with four five-inch guns and torpedo tubes, this Benson spoke in ALL CAPS to enemy ships and submarines! During World War II, the USS Benson valiantly provided covering fire against Japanese aircraft in the Battle of Wake Island and took part in the Allied invasion of Sicily. Truly, the Benson of this or any other month. InfiniteMonkey 03:30, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Since it's already here, I think we should keep the BENSON Forum page for mundane and non-Uncyc-related discussion. To keep it out of the real Forum, you understand. Maybe we could also stick the Miniluv stuff in there because nobody cares about it. —Rc(Talk) 03:50, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

For. There's always room for BENSON, even when BENSON is no longer with us.-->Bradley 05:07, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Pond Whales are miniature whales that live in ponds. Discovered by Discovery Kids one fine Autumn (November for idiots) day. They found a Whale in the Ocean that had been beached on the sand and took it to their swimming pool. Only to find they had none. So they put it in a pond and it had many babbies. And one was ugly. And the other Pond Whales teased the ugly whale. But one day the ugly pond whale grew into a beautiful swan! Hurray!

Pond Whales are a delicacy to squeegee kids and various other species of hobo. They also look funny when they die. Dying is funny. Pond Whales are known for having fine pelts that are worn by hands in puppet shows. Frog orgys sometimes take place in pond whale pelts. Also, elephants use the skins to keep their ears warm on chilly African nights. African nights... African Knights! Cool!

Pond Whales don't live so long so they don't really need to eat. But they like Marshmallows and Visigoths. Pond whales also sometimes eat smaller pond whales if the smaller pond whales are small enough, or are covered in some kind of condiment, or if the other pond whales pressured one of them to do it.

In 1937 the Nazis banned all contact with the Pond Whales and began to make crazy laws like that you could not go to a Pond Whale store or hire one. Soon he made them wear badges so all would know they were Pond Whales. Hitler Von Killington claimed Pond Whales were the reason for the great depression.

It was not a man at all! Just a Pond Whale in disguise as a man calling himself Neil I-got-a-strong-arm. It's real name was Coco. Coco helped to make the first Lunar landing a success and also found no intelligent life there...just David Duke. Pond Whales were also important in many other historical happenins, like 9/11, and the eighties.

“Holy crap he's cool! I hope I can grow up to be just like him.”~ Oscar Wilde on Benson

Benson has decided that Benson's pure greatness cannot be contained on a puny "userpage". Furthermore anyone who edits this page besides Benson himself shall be cursed with the curse of Benson... a fine curse indeed.

One day a woman was giving birth to a baby. A baby destined for greatness. That is when Benson came to Earth in a meteorite which crashed into the hospital where the baby was being born. Benson aimed for the hospital... HAHAHA! Let that teach you a lesson: nobody is born on the same day Benson is.

Benson was raised by himself. Baby Benson doesn't need help. Baby Benson was 8" tall at age 2, and was already superior to you! Interesting side note: Benson is part God. Also, Benson is the Hulk. When Benson was born, there were many bad omens. The Pope died. Also, the show Alf premiered. Speaking of Alf,

Benson has decided that Benson's pure greatness can, in fact, be contained on a puny "userpage" (just barely). Furthermore anyone who edits this page besides Benson himself shall be cursed with the curse of Benson... a fine curse indeed.

One day a woman was giving birth to a baby. A baby destined for greatness. That is when Benson came to Earth in a meteorite which crashed into the hospital where the baby was being born. Benson aimed for the hospital... HAHAHA! Let that teach you a lesson: nobody is born on the same day Benson is.

Benson was raised by himself. Baby Benson doesn't need help. Baby Benson was 8" tall at age 2, and was already superior to you! Interesting side note: Benson is part God. Also, Benson is the Hulk. When Benson was born, there were many bad omens. The Pope died. Also, the show Alf premiered. Speaking of Alf,