Monopoly To Lose Battleship Piece In Cost-Cutting Exercise

Parker Brothers confirmed today that after their recent spending review they felt they could no longer support the battleship piece and it will be decommissioned earlier than had been expected.

This will leave Monopoly without any nautical pieces until about 2019 when a kayak will be introduced. The cannon managed to survive the cuts but questions were raised about the iron, which is only used by ladies, and whether having only one shoe was relevant in today's multi-limbed society.

You can no longer collect £200 pounds for just passing GO, but must prove you are actively seeking employment.
The bank will not be paying any more dividends for the foreseeable future, but will be expecting more handouts. They will no longer be paying compensation for errors after an independent review found the value of the shares was zero when the government took over.
Taxes will be rising, especially inheritance tax.
The jail will be privatised and run by a security firm who will also take over Parking, which will no longer be free. You will be clamped if you don’t display a valid ticket. Get out of jail free cards are to be abolished, except for serving politicians and members of the House of Lords.

In the French version you get 2 million Euros for starting the game and another for still being there one minute later. The one who completely burns down his opponents properties is the winner and can retire at 43, sorry 42, no another update is coming through, 41.

School Fees, Street Repairs Insurance Premiums, Speeding Fines and "Drunk in Charge" fines will all rise by 5% above inflation. Prizes for Crossword Competitions and interest on preference shares will be abolished. Anyone picking the Go Back to Old Kent road card will actually have to go back to Old Kent Road, and undertake 25 hours of community service.