WTF: What the Friday, Part 7 | Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

I don’t think that Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives is really that good, but I enjoy it anyway. I like the way that Megan seems to take a ridiculous, instantaneous liking to potential murdered Tommy. I like that director Tom McLoughlin decided that it wasn’t really necessary to explain away any of A New Beginning‘s plot twists at the end of the film. I like that this film has an added dose of comedy on purpose that almost mocks Jason – standing outside the window, over the bed of a little girl, or chained to the bottom of a lake with a rock with his bloodlust intact. Jason Lives is, again, more intentionally comedic than anything else, but there’s a lot to tackle here in appreciation of the form.

This is clearly not the same Tommy. McLoughlin doesn’t even care that Thom Mathews doesn’t even remotely look like Tommy Jarvis from A New Beginning. Instead, he rolls with it, even forcing Tommy to adopt a new persona – lovable, charming, and intense, a total 180 from his days at the camp for mentally ill.

Jason gets a better grave. In Part V, Jason’s grave was just a broken stone with his name scrawled in chalk. Here, at least, he gets a headstone with his name engraved. It’s a nice way to remember the monster of Crystal Lake.

There’s this guy, who refuses to hand Tommy a crowbar. I love his little movement where he hugs himself. He’s so terrified of opening the coffin that he reverts to a kid being told he can’t have another candy bar.

Tommy loses his shit. Since he’s now fought Jason twice, Tommy should know that stabbing Jason with a fence post will do him no good. In fact, it’ll actually mess things up even more. And sure enough:

Jason is struck by lightning even though this isn’t the only metal pole in a 5 foot radius. It seems God really likes Jason’s work – why else would lightning strike only him in a cemetery full of lightning rods?

This guy buries himself. He saves the caretaker of the cemetery time, energy, and bottles of whiskey by taking the onus on himself – missing a heart, he falls into Jason’s maggot-filled coffin, adopting his final resting place.

Jason Bond. I bet it’s hard to come up with an inventive credits sequence, but I’m not sure this is the right thing for Jason Lives. Still, the slow zoom into Jason’s eye is pretty fun.

This cop is super trigger happy. He very nearly blows Tommy’s head off when he walks in the door, and he’s even expecting takeout because his partner brings it in seconds later. What if someone actually had a crime to report?

It’s best to not play Chicken with Jason. He’ll always win, because he doesn’t care.

American Express is soooooo ’80s. Who uses an AmEx card anymore when you can get cash back on Amazon cards, or Capital One cards, or any number of other credit cards that aren’t your trusty AmEx card? I know 0 people who have one now.

This guy is basically your alcoholic dad. Jason Lives is actually a pretty meta film with all of its references to other horror films, but this cemetery caretaker is definitely the one who explicitly states the obvious. “Some folks have a strange idea of entertainment,” he says, while taking a guzzle of his liquor. Is he talking to me?!

Jason doesn’t like misogyny. There’s this guy playing paintball, and he’s a real douche. And Jason doesn’t care for douches, especially ones that think the women shouldn’t be in the work force. Jason had a mom, and he loved her goddammit! Moms are people too. The best part, though, is Jason’s gift – he peers down to find an arm still attached to the machete.

Not only is this caretaker in on the joke, he’s also got some mean name-calling skills. “Does he think I’m a farthead?” If you look in the original script, the line should have been “butthole.” Apparently, that’s just too gross.

There’s a new fad, and it’s called sex dancing. You’re supposed to go to the beat of the music until you can’t anymore, but Cort isn’t really great at holding it. I’m not sure why this fad didn’t catch on.

The most learned person at camp is this young girl. She’s reading Jean-Paul Sartre’s No Exit, and apparently, it’s a good bedtime story.

Little Nancy had a bad dream about a monster. It probably wasn’t Jason she was dreaming of, but Freddy! Here’s one of the first moments that presages the Freddy vs. Jason crossover.

But seriously, what is this outfit? Pajamas with suspenders? Suspenders holding up sweatpants? Suspenders on bare skin? I just don’t get it, and it sure as hell doesn’t look comfortable to sleep in.

What if exorcisms were this easy? Just head to the library, take out your trusty Manual of Occultism, and exorcise that damn demon! I’m thinking that he got the idea for dumping Jason in the place he died from this book, but it’s never specified. Who knew reading could be helpful?

I’m not sure how to read this sign. There’s a few ways you could take this. Is it asking you if you are speeding, hoping you’ll realize and slow down? Is it encouraging you to speed, because no cops patrol this part? Or did someone from a foreign country misinterpret American road signs and mess up a caution sign and a speed limit sign?

Crotch shot! There is no nudity in Jason Lives, but there is not one but two crotch shots of Jennifer Cooke, and they are mighty fine crotch shots indeed. Leave it to a Friday the 13th movie to keep it classy.

There’s also this awkward makeout scene between Jennifer Cooke and Thom Mathews. First, she’s taken aback. Then, she likes it. Then she calls him hotlips, and you know he’s got it made.

Watch this guy check himself out in the car window. I’ve actually seen a doctor do this. It’s as funny in person as it is in this GIF.

Cute little Nancy has a bloody machete. She’s probably hoping to use it against Freddy, but she can also whack Jason if he ever comes around. But Jason isn’t really interested in little kids. Their judgment isn’t clouded by sex, yet.

This cop is leaking Ecto-Cooler. He got his head crushed in by Jason, but I’m not sure what that green stuff is. Maybe it’s supposed to be liquid from his optic nerve, or maybe he had a wicked sinus infection.

Jason is basically a dog. Whoever calls him, he goes to. That’s why there’s this scene where he nearly gets whiplash bouncing between going after Megan or Tommy.

That about ends our time with Tommy Jarvis. Tomorrow, we’ll tackle Part VII: The New Blood, which I have covered more than once here, but not with GIFs! Stay tuned for tomorrow, and please, if you like, let me know and share this shit around. I realize my GIFs aren’t amazing or professional, but they do take a lot of time and work. I’M NOT A PRO GIFFER!