Steve: If you're going to have sexy nuns, put them in vinyl. Why waste them in cotton?

Zack: The whole book has this vibe to it like demons do year round sexy Halloween costume shopping. Or maybe are slightly into fetish scenes.

Steve: I buy costumes year round for my dog and for me, but those costumes are not really sexy unless you consider a hotdog costume for a mini-pin sexy.

Zack: If it's made out of vinyl and has barely-covered breasts, then I think the editors of Exalted would say it qualifies.

Steve: I like that the sexy nuns are tough too. You don't want your sexy nuns to be wusses.

Zack: We all know what happens when vinyl sex nuns can't defend themselves.

Steve: It looks like this one killed Yoshi.

Zack: And the last of the Airbenders.

Steve: Come on, admit it. This picture is sort of awesome.

Zack: A lot of the artwork and themes in Exalted have that jacked up on Mountain Dew, extreme sports, go wild vibe, where a bunch of yelling bros tried to pack as much awesome into a single picture or page as they could.

Steve: What's wrong with that?

Zack: What's wrong is that as you zig-zag back and forth between steampunk and Chinese mythology and Lovecraft and Hindu mythology you begin to devolve into Rifts sameness. That feeling that you're just throwing everything you can think of into the mix to try to make it awesome.

Zack: Only Exalted is the totally mature version of that.

Steve: If it means more sexy vinyl nuns then I am okay with that.

Zack: Yeah, that's pretty much exactly what it means. That and lots of pretentious names of everything, which is a staple of White Wolf products in general. Like every magic missile is the fucking title of a Murakami novel.

About This Column

Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.