Oops!... iPhone Did it Again: Introducing Britney Spears' New Application

iPhone users everywhere, rejoice. Your mobile app pipeline to the kooky world of Miss Britney Jean Spears has arrived. "It's Britney!," the pop icon's official application, has launched on the iTunes App Store for $1.99—why that's almost less than the cost of a Red Bull and a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

The app offers "exclusive messages" and breaking news from Britney, but more exciting to us are features like "Be Britney's Dancer" function that allows you to paste your face on the body of one of Britney's back up performers (a pursuit that has used to require scissors, an Entertainment Weekly, and a lonely Saturday evening) and "Shake, Shake, Shake," in which Ms. Spears purrs "It's Britney, bitch" each time you shake your phone.

The app is bound to draw in the hardcore fan, but here are some added functions that would make it just a little more awesome for the rest of us:

- A personalized "Shake, Shake, Shake" function. Yes, it's cool that a quick joggle of your phone can conjure the voice of Brit-Brit, but why can't this be personalized as a helpful ringtone? Who wouldn't spring to answer a call that announced itself, "It's grandma, bitch!" or "It's your orthodontist, bitch!"?

- The Britney Spears Twitter Hacker Tracker. Because sometimes it's hard to separate the crazy shit she says from the crazy shit she totally didn't say.

- A currency converter. Say your Australian fans paid up to 800 pounds for a ticket to your concert and then walked out because you were lip syncing, and now tickets for future dates are showing up on eBay for as little as 55p... how much is all of this in real money, y'all?

- A calorie counter. Not for Britney. She looks great. It's for the ex. Feel the burn, Kevin!