Mixed Pool of Emotions

Hearing the impending arrival of a loved one and basked in the surreal feeling of it- ‘surreal’ for reasons private that cannot be divulged, also aided in breeding doubt – ‘will it or will it not happen’ or ‘it can’t be’ yet hope ‘it has to happen’………..

The preparations for the arrival and anticipation with which you look forward for the date………. The warmth and joy of seeing, and greeting the person at the airport normally separated by the vast ocean…….loving hugs and kisses later you drive them home.

You take leave from work to spend the two precious days with them and most you do is…. incessant conversing to put light on events hitherto in the dark to each other……. revisit happenings from decades ago and roll over laughing………. recall incidents from way back when we were kids and point finger at other as the culprit…… doing this from morning till wee hours of the next morning and while driving and taking them sightseeing. There is intense need to catch up for the lost times…………

You raise your head from what you do to look at them and you see a bit of you in their looks, mannerisms…… you notice their irritable habits and behaviours only to come to the shock realisation that you do the same……………

The rest of the world seems so far away. My blog? What is that? My work? What is that?

Countdown to departure looms…… knowing that seeing each other again is simply in the distant horizon, is saddening……. Getting ready, baggage packed……… take them to the airport………… hugs and kisses later- different to the warm welcoming ones- you walk to the car and drive back home with a lump in the throat and surge of throbbing emotions.

The reality sets in with the taking-off of the plane dampening your euphoric state of mind……….

Homeward bound with a melancholic and heavy heart, questioning the choices you’ve made to live away from everyone bar strangers in a strange country…. Sigh and regret for the lost times…irreplaceable missed times ….. wondering the meaning of life ……..more importantly the decisions we make when young without evaluating the long term consequences…..know nothing can compensate the lost times and have the presence of mind to know the futility of such ponderings yet unable to control them…………you yearn for yearning sake……. lots of water has flowed under the bridge since you were at the all defining crossroads, eager to walk down the road that led you away, from everyone and everything familiar………….you have no one to blame but your self.

You reach home and go on autopilot organising dinner and for the next day. You wish things were different.

You go back to work after two days disoriented and unable to concentrate to do productive work…… you spend the day bludging. I know life will get back to the mundane but today was still too soon.

That is life I guess.

Full of mistakes.

Wrong decisions and lost times.

In a few weeks and at a saner time, these same decisions might look the correct ones when weighed against the current situation in the mother country but not at the moment.