PHILPOT: Thank you Your Honor. Let me begin by saying to both you and the jurors that I apologize, quite frankly for wasting your time. This suit is really kind of silly isn’t it? Is trying a man for his innocent and benevolent passion a basis for this court? Would we put a stamp collector on trial? Would we put a Good Samaritan on trial for helping others?

And because of that, I am going to shed conventional legalese and speak from my own magical heart.

Here’s a guy whose “hobby” is Walt Disney World. Shame on him!

Here’s a guy who soaked up all that it could offer. Shame on him!

Here’s a guy who wanted to Maximize the Magic not only for himself but for anyone who made either their first or their thousandth trip to Walt Disney World. Shame on him!

OK. Here’s a guy who may have gotten carried away now and then. I guess it’s safe to say that only the most “committed” Walt Disney World fan would know which bathrooms are best to use at any given time. Although I’m also sure that at one time or another we’d all like to know where the nearest restroom rests! Shame on him!

You know. I just realized that both the plaintiff’s attorney and I have made tactical errors.

We should have asked our witnesses questions like ” As a result of Fred’s hobby;

Did you save money”?

“Did you get more out of your time?”

“Did you get a chance to soak in the majesty of what Walt Disney World offers people all the way from a child’s eyes to a grizzled veteran’s eyes?”

Is it possible that each of us did not ask the most important question? And that would be,

“Did you have a better or a worse time at Walt Disney World as a result of Fred’s concerns for detail and for planning?”

“Did he help you Maximize the Magic”?

If we started this trial all over again I’d dare plaintiff to have asked those questions and yes I would have have asked them more clearly too. Because in the end, the Farkle Family and all the witness – guests we could have called would have overwhelmingly said yes!

So it its really hard isn’t it? To come in with any sort of a verdict other than “innocent” for Fred Farkle.

Thank you Your Honor.

JUDGE JULIA: Thank you Mr. Philpot. I am going to turn this case over to the jurors. In this case the jurors will be those who have followed this case in this blog and who will vote by posting to this blog below. We will give a reasonable time for readers to consider testimony and evidence and are charged with deciding whether Fred Farkle is guilty or not guilty of

Over the top / excessive obsession with planning for Walt Disney World trips.

Readers may respond by voting on the poll below. When the results are computed I will weigh in myself and impose a sentence if he is found guilty.

PHILPOT: OK Mr. Mouse we won’t belittle the court by asserting that you are actually Mickey Mouse.

MICKEY MOUSE: No, I am not but in the eyes of my bosses I am the Cast Member who plays him, personifies him.

PHILPOT: And as such I am trusting that the court accepts your testimony.

(He looks to Judge Julia for approval)

JUDGE JULIA: We will accept the Cast Member’s testimony as valid as long as you limit your questioning to this individual’s experiences with Disney World guests.

PHILPOT: Thank you your Honor, of course!

PHILPOT: How long have you been the go-to Mickey Mouse in Walt Disney World.

MICKEY MOUSE: Well, heh, heh. Other Cast Members also play me at other times. I do have a life you know beyond this character and costume. But I am glad to say that I have played Mickey Mouse for several years now in the Magic Kingdom.

PHILPOT: And some of the activities that you perform?

MICKEY MOUSE: Oh I might dance with Minnie. I might stroll the streets and attractions to greet Park guests. I pose for lots of pictures and sign lots of autographs! I even had carpal tunnel syndrome once … you know … from signing autographs. Heh heh. I give lots of hugs.

PHILPOT: Have you ever met the defendant?

MICKEY MOUSE: Can’t say that I have.

PHILPOT: Have you met or seen people who may “behave” like the defendant?

MICKEY MOUSE: If you mean the uber-planners, yes, yes, of course. Just about every day.

PHILPOT: Those that you have seen, can you generalize their behavior and actions?

MICKEY MOUSE: In my opinion? I am grateful for those who plan and have been proactive about maximizing the most of Walt Disney World.

PHILPOT: Grateful? Why?

MICKEY MOUSE: For several reasons! They help to keep things running smoothly in all the theme parks. They don’t clog wait lines, moan and groan about queuing up for a long line. They know where they are going and know that the best plan is a plan to plan for all of what you may want to do.

However many of them there are in a given day and adding in their families and friends they may lead is seven-dwarfed, heh, heh, by those who wander and wonder and wander and wonder some more. Those folks sometimes minimize the magic by their confusion and lack of planning.

PHILPOT: Well Mickey, that is the longest speech I have ever heard from you! Thank you. No more questions.

FRANCIS: So Mr. Tello, it looks like you have a bit of a following judging from the courtroom’s response.

TELLO: Well yes, sure, I have worked hard to meet the needs and interests of people like Fred. And I guess they appreciate that. I appreciate that they appreciate!

FRANCIS: You do this as public service? “Pro bono” as we attorneys would call it?

TELLO: I used to but no longer, it has become my career now. Although I do a lot of charity work connected to Walt Disney.

FRANCIS: Soooo, it might be in your own commercial interest to encourage a person like Fred?

TELLO: Maybe you could say that. But that isn’t the point at all.

FRANCIS: What is the point.

TELLO: Fred is the point and how you are trying to portray him is the point. He’s no raving fanatic willing to risk life, limb, and his family for his passion. Fred should be admired for his appreciation of Disney World and for his zeal in trying to make it the best possible experience for his family.

FRANCIS: So you approve of his SWAT team approach to visiting Disney World.

PHILPOT: Your Honor I object. The word SWAT …

JUDGE JULIA: Yes Mr. Philpot, objection sustained. Jurors will disregard the word SWAT as it is meant to imply a negative, all-out fanatic, no victims taken alive mindset. It will be up to jurors to decide to what extent if any, Mr. Farkle’s actions are any of those things.

FRANCIS: Your Honor, I object. Mr. Philpot is making a travesty of this proceeding.

PHILPOT: Your Honor, to the contrary, who better to comment to Mr. Farkle’s actions and motives than the Mouse? Now don’t get me wrong. I do not pretend to say that Mickey here is the actual Mouse himself. He is a Cast Member who has played this part for many years and is now entrusted by the Walt Disney Company to be one of the new talking characters. This individual is well qualified to offer testimony about the accusations against Fred.

JUDGE JULIA: I will rule on the admissibility of this individual in our next session.

JUDGE JULIA (pounds gavel): Oh we’ll have none of that in my courtroom.

Les Tello takes the stand

JUDGE JULIA: Mr. Philpot please proceed.

PHILPOT: Mr. Tello, clearly some of the individuals in the courtroom know you. But suppose you tell the rest of us what your credentials may be insofar as this case is concerned.

TELLO: Well I am an author of several books about Walt Disney World. I do a weekly podcast about Disney World. I answer questions about vacationing there . I sometimes offer touring advice and am myself an avid and unashamed devotee of the traditions and themes of anything that has to do with Walt Disney.

PHILPOT: Do you know my client?

TELLO: I have never met him but he has sent me an occasional email question.

PHILPOT: Based on your interactions with your fan base and on what you know about Mr. Farkle and this case would you characterize him as an outlandish, excessive Disney-nut.

MONGELLO: Well I am an attorney too, and before Ms. Francis objects to your question I will say quickly that I am no psychologist and don’t know Fred first hand. But look, I get emails, questions, meet with, and have lots of other interactions with many, many, folks like Fred. In my view Fred is just a good guy who happens to enjoy all that there is offered by Walt Disney World. And folks not like Fred, who may have a different world view from what he has really shouldn’t judge him for that.

PHILPOT: Can you add anything else?

TELLO: Many people don’t realize that Walt Disney World is more than Cinderella’s Castle. It is a huge and complex place that can intimidate and overwhelm a visitor unless they do their homework. They can also shortchange themselves by not learning about packages, tours, special offers, and events, let alone using some sort of haphazard touring strategy that leaves out more than leaves in. Fellows like Fred actually serve a very positive function for those he helps.

FRANCIS: With your permission Your Honor, first I am going to ask the two individuals in the rear of the courtroom to rise.

JUDGE JULIA: I will allow it for now.

FRANCIS: Thank you. (She points to the a man and a woman. They rise.) Mr. Farkle, do you know the two individuals who are standing?

FARKLE: I am afraid not.

FRANCIS: They are members of DWD. Do you know the group?

FARKLE: Actually I have heard of them. Disney World De-Programmers. They are hired to take in individuals who may be too preoccupied with Walt Disney and Walt Disney World and help them stay clear of their so-called addiction.

FRANCIS: Mr. Farkle, do you consider yourself a candidate for DWD?

FARKLE: Of course not.

FRANCIS: I wonder Mr. Farkle, can you tell me the capacity of the Men’s Room in the American Adventure Pavilion?

Fred Farkle rises from his seat, smiles amiably at his family who return the smile and he proceeds to the witness stand.

PHILPOT: Well Mr. Farkle, at last.

FARKLE: Excuse me?

PHILPOT: Yes, at last, at last you can explain yourself.

FARKLE: Well I guess that is true.

PHILPOT: I think it is fair to say that Walt Disney and Walt Disney World are your passion?

FARKLE: Not exactly, my family is my first passion. But yes you could say that Walt Disney and Walt Disney World are my hobby although hobby may be too weak a word.

PHILPOT: Meaning?

FARKLE: Stamp Collectors, gardeners, fitness, scrapbooking, are what most people call hobby. I’d guess that their enthusiasts might be accused of spending too much time indulging their interests.

PHILPOT: You have certainly been accused of that.

FARKLE: Ah, but here’s the difference, maybe the number one reason I get so invested in Disney World is that I do this FOR my loved ones.

PHILPOT: You invest all this energy because of your family? You plan, some say over-plan, reserve, save, plot touring plans because you love your family so much?

FARKLE (hesitates): Well I don’t want to cast myself as some sort of self-less saint. I DO love and admire so much about Walt Disney World on so many levels. What I’ve been lucky enough to do is to transform my passion to maximize the magic for my family.

PHILPOT: Mr. Farkle before we come back to your family let’s understand the “on many levels” phrase.

FARKLE: OK, I am 44 years old. I am not some sort of man-boy who wants to get Winnie the Pooh’s autograph at a Character Meet. I am 44 years old. I don’t thrill to the Dumbo ride. I am 44 years old, I don’t try to find every Hidden Mickey on property.

But I did get a tremendous kick when I managed to help my young son get an autograph from Pooh. I thought it was terrific when the touring plan we used from the Unofficial Guide helped us get on the Dumbo ride almost without a wait. I do enjoy pointing out a Hidden Mickey to my kids or to others.

I am an MBA with a specialty in organizational management. I enjoy seeing and being part of the Disney Magic on that level too. It’s wonderful to see how the Cast Members are trained to and willing go out of their way as routine, to make every visitor feel that magic. It’s wonderful from a systems standpoint to marvel at how Disney plans for attractions to be created by Imagineers and put in place so well. It’s a kick to see how their planning and their creativity come together to create magical experiences for children, youngsters, and for adults too.

Not many businesses can claim the kind of success the Walt Disney Company has had, you know, to maintain its vision, to carry it out, to make it fit together so well.

PHILPOT: Come on Fred, you also like to wave to Mickey too. Don’t cast yourself as this MBA theoretician.

FARKLE (Smiles): Well, yeah, sure. I didn’t know that was criminal.

PHILPOT: Now let’s get back to family.

FARKLE: Many people who go to Walt Disney World, especially for the first time are easily overwhelmed. There is so much to see and do. On top of that coming here with a family can cost a pretty penny. To me, I like to game the system so to speak, by making sure I know so much about the packages, the plans, the costs, the discounts that I can maximize the magic by getting the most for the hard earned money we spend here.

PHILPOT: So the 180 day out reservations, the to – dining – plan – or – not – to – do – dining- plan, the kind of tickets to buy, the best discounts on hotels, the zig-zag and zag and zig attraction plans they all …?