,Conservative Comedian Wins BBC Commission

It's just been confirmed that Conservative stand up comedian, Tarquin Twonk has been commissioned by the BBC to produce a six part television series showcasing his unique brand of right wing comedy.

Twonk, 24, a graduate from Burnley College of Arts and Technology wowed the crowds at this year's Edinburgh fringe festival with remarkable lines such as:

"Don't talk to me about poverty. As a child, my bed was only the size of Albania."

Twonk's agent maintains that the artiste remains philosophical about the BBC commission.

"In fairness," said the agent. "Tarquin is going to have to forego a life of luxury in Mayfair, and make do with life in Salford for six weeks. On a crap salary. To be honest, he's dreading it. Living in fear he is. And who can blame him? The poor sod might have the misfortune to bump into the likes of Peter Kay, John Bishop and Wayne Rooney. Not to mention psychopathic Ordsall gunmen and Mario Balotelli. But at least it's a clear statement that the BBC is an equal opportunities employer."

Twonk, as inspirational a comedian as the nation has ever seen cites Margaret Thatcher as his inspiration.

"She was utterly brilliant!" he enthused in a recent interview. "Not only did she single handedly build Canary Wharf and destroy the trade unions - she also taught us that it's totally acceptable to break batons on striking miners heads for no apparent reason, that it's the done thing to needlessly harass black people, and to allow Rupert Murdoch to effectively run the country. And still, without mercy, down the Falklands kill 1,300 Argies as they were doing a runner. And I'm not even mentioning the fact that she inspired the IRA to ever greater outrages because she flatly refused to take part in dialogue. She was a card was Maggie. Destroyed our manufacturing industry with the stroke of a pen, and focussed on banking. Sheer genius. Those were the days when her and Ronnie 'The Genius' Reagan ruled the world. They didn't mess about. Divide and rule! That's the way to do it! These left wingers say that Mags took her inspiration from Peter The Great, and they say that's ironic. They're having a laugh aren't they? Have they ever watched Jeremy Kyle?"

Tarquin Twonk will record his shows before a live audience in Media City, Salford, living off pot noodles and Alaskan scrumpy cider in a squat in Lower Broughton.