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Thursday, September 25, 2014

My Not so Peaceful Morning

This
morning started out peacefully enough. I woke up, checked emails,
then went back to sleep for a little while. I felt pretty well rested
when I finally did get up around 9:30. I know. That's pretty late,
but I've had some late nights recently and really needed the extra
rest.

I
warmed up some pancakes for breakfast, fixed some coffee and sat down
to peruse Facebook while I ate my breakfast. Then I ordered some
birthday presents and decided it was time to get out to the goats to
feed them and give them their last dose of penicillin.

That's
when things went sour.

Usually
I have no trouble because the two goats are pretty cooperative. I
don't milk them any more, but bring them into the milking room, get
them on the stand, and lock them in to give them their shots. This
time Rayna did not want to get up there and did her best to stay off.
I convinced her by showing her the food, and she jumped up.

(Ava and Rayna)

She
had put her head so far forward in the stand that I couldn't get a
good hold on the place to give the shot. I ended up squirting
it on her rather than in her. Then
she wouldn't get off the stand or go back into the barn. I had to
grab her collar and make her go back in.

After
that I didn't even try to get Ava on the stand. I just put their food
in the feeder and got ready to give Ava her shot while she was
eating. Arben, the very large dog, kept getting in the way bumping me
and sniffing the syringe.

I
was just getting more frustrated so I yelled out, “I'm getting mad
in here!” Finally I was able to give her the shot without any more
trouble from her or Arben. I'm sure the whole thing would have been
quite comical for anyone looking on.

Frustration Sets InI
was glad that was over but I was still pretty frustrated and not very
calm. As I was putting the plastic cap back on the needle before
throwing it away I pricked my thumb. It didn't really hurt and didn't
even bleed much, but that was just the proverbial straw to break the
camel's back.

I
burst into the house and let everyone know that I was just tired of
all this. I wanted the goats gone. I was not going to even try to
give Rayna another shot to make up for the one that missed. I
kept complaining as I washed my thumb and hoped there was not a trace
of bacteria that would infect me.

I
knew I was over-reacting and I just felt tense and shaky. I had plans
of things I wanted to do today and that episode just squashed my
enthusiasm.

So
I had some choices.

I
could just keep being mad and feeling sorry for myself and make
everybody around me miserable or I could try to change my attitude
and not let that one thing destroy my whole day. My husband and one
of my sons were the only ones around atthe
time and I apologized for my display of anger. Of course they were
generous and kind to me and very understanding.

I
went to my room, sat at the computer and lit my lavender candle,
hoping it would help me relax and get a better perspective on things.
Noticing that one of my daughters was online I began telling her
about the episode and how frustrated I was.

She
joked about how those goats really were like having kids, and I
agreed, but kids are much more lovable and can put their little arms
around your neck and are so forgiving with all our mothering
mistakes.

We
All Get Frustrated At Times

I
am sharing all this with you to let you know that we all have our
moments when things frustrate us enough to make us lose our tempers,
put us in bad moods, make us want to go crawl into a hole or run
away. I am not immune to these kinds of responses, but I do know that
when they happen I don't have to dwell on them. I don't have to beat
myself up because of my bad responses or reactions.

One
of the hardest things I think is to forgive ourselves. We'd prefer
sometimes to keep harping on how we messed up and how our day is
ruined. We say that we believe God forgives us, but we continue to
feel guilt or to feel sorry for ourselves and wonder what's the use
of trying. It doesn't have to be that way.

We
can offer ourselves grace, admit when we mess up, and start afresh
right where we are.

That's
what I want to do today. After spending time here writing and
thinking and chatting with my daughter I feel much better. I am ready
to tackle my plans, the first of which is to make some apple pies!
What are your plans for the day?