A few days ago, I heard a hilarious new version of Bohemian Rhapsody, after 3 weeks of lockdown we all hope to see changes, and statistically we do, not enough but some.

How can it be so traumatic to stay in our nice and cozy homes? We were not prepared for this, the world was not prepared, healthcare systems were not prepared… politicians were certainly not prepared. Understanding my own unpreparedness, I realized a few things, but my self-analysis only goes so far:

The frustration

Nothing is ever right! It is so complicated, canceling flights, plans, putting my life on hold. I was so busy before … and now? What is left of me?

The notions of the Super Ego – You are ungrateful!

Feeling restless and annoyed? No way … you can’t be! There are Syrian refugees sleeping in the mud, getting sick, homeless people living on parking lots, people losing their jobs, what about the victims of domestic violence locked up with their abusive spouses! There is no way I can suffer; I shouldn’t suffer if my personal comfort is provided. I am not even sick, and my relatives are safe. How dare I feel annoyed of small inconveniences… heartless bitch!

My imagination – I am under attack and everybody is the enemy!

There is a war out there and the enemy is everyone else. Ok, it is hard to see who the enemy is, per se, but anyone can be infected. What is worse – they see me as potentially infected. Can anybody trust anyone? Of course, things aren’t so dramatic, it is just extraordinary precautions attempting to hold an extraordinary situation, but imagination goes 5 steps ahead into a dystopian future where we will never trust each other again.

The anguish

Living in agony because there is no way out, there is not elsewhere, no place to be but in my own cell. Gosh, even the prisoners are given a sentence and an exact day when their life will be back to what one naively believes to constitute normality. When is a dangerous word!

The impotent authority

This thing is new, there is no symbolic order that operates effectively with it. It is clear that nobody knows what to do about it. It requires hard work and it is outside of my expertise. I haven’t really trusted authority figures, and it is no surprise for me that politicians are just as incompetent to deal with the situation as anyone else, but at the same time I am a person who always finds a way… and this time the only way out is oriented towards the inner feeling of freedom. Unfortunately, there is not much more I can possibly do. Can anyone even comprehend the absurdity of the situation in which my whole generation scolds at its parents not to go out?

I guess the only possible path is to embrace absurdity in times when the world is surreal anyway.

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