Friday, March 25, 2011

Amazingly enough at 47 I am just figuring out who I am, what I like, what I want, who I want to be. What mark do I want to leave here? What is my legacy?

After raising 4 kids and being a grandmother to 2, soon to be 3, I sincerely hope I haven't done too much damage to them not knowing who I really am...... And if I am to be truly honest, I hope I have done a good job despite my limitations.

I am done looking back: I choose to go forward and do the best I can now.

Where to start? What a daunting task at 47. But better 47 than 87!

I have some physical limitations, old injuries rearing their ugly heads, but all this does is create a more challenging environment. Instead of being able to escape into some physical realm of doing too much, it is forcing me to slow down and look at all the possibilities that lay before me. For that I am grateful. For me it has always been too easy to follow along on the next great adventure. This is forcing me to find my own way at a different pace.

So I am a "grandma". That is too old of a connotation for me. I am not ready for that. So instead my beautiful grandchildren call me Lola. Which is Tagalog means a very old grandma, but grandma none the less. And I think it is really cool!

I also let my dark brown hair go gray or I should say white. My first gray hairs showed up before graduating from High School. Well the white hair, the grandma status, the injuries, the weight gain, I am really starting aging quickly. And with a freakishly fit husband, I was really starting to feel old and over the hill.

Freaked out by all that, I had my wonderful hairdresser start adding a little color back in. Nothing that required more than a touch up every 8 weeks. She added a little blonde, a little light brown and over night I felt a little younger.

Besides my job where I am on my feet all day, I am SLOWLY working my way back to some physical activity. It's such a slow process and exercise in patience. It's 1 step forward 2 steps back every single time.

So where to start? With all the options out there for me it was a daunting task. I am questioning my sanity on this one but I am doing it anyway. I signed up a knitting class! Yes I know that's what old grandma's do! I am struggling to accept that it is ok to learn how to knit. This will not make me even older than my time. Lots of young, hip people knit! Right?

So far that's all I got. But I am excited and ready to find my way! Between a great local community college and a fantastic parks department, I have tons of options ahead of me. And I am open to suggestions!