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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Wait, What?

I logged in last night, jumped into a Condor, which I had to refit a little, and then undocked determined that I wouldn’t be back until it was dead.

There seemed to be quite a few wartargets around, and many unfamiliar faces. I did the normal circuit, poking my head into Kamela, and Lamaa, and Auga, and etc., and finally found a small group of wartargets sitting on the Kourm gate in Lamaa, in a variety of mostly small ships. (And one battlecruiser.)

They were an Amarr corporation I had never heard of, but even their name sounded a bit role-play heavy. There was a sigh of anticipation across coms when I reported them, including their name and corp description in my intel giving.

“Role-players…let’s kill them!”

“Apparently, they mine with Orca support!?!”

“We should find out where they mine with Orca support…and kill their Orca…” (Maybe another day.)
The battle kicked off pretty quickly when Sumdumgi jumped into them and was immediately red-boxed by their entire gang. Or, do they call it red-circled now?

I haven’t done a whole lot of kiting lately, so I’ll have to practice that. I constantly found myself getting a little too far away from the targets--getting out of range, or losing lock. I also haven’t decided whether to use dampeners or target disruption on that thing. I have equally good pvpers that have advised me to go either way with the Condor. Bahamut seems to swear by using the Damps, and I think it was Braitai, or someone else that said the Tracking disruptors are better. I guess I will have to experiment and decide what I like best. Dampeners might be good against logi, but I’m not sure I would take out a Condor to fight a gang that had logi. I don’t know.

Anyway, in a short period of time, KPP will officially be back in Late Night. Our standings were threatening to kick the entire alliance out of militia, so Gritz1 (the dude with the button-pushing power) pushed the button and we were kicked. (I put a bounty on his head as a necessary consequences for his actions.) The Dec Shield fiasco prevented us from rejoining once we got our standings back in order. (The standings issue was due to some high standings characters accidentally getting unsubbed, and their standings not being counted toward the corporate average.)

We were involved with Dec Shield pretty early on, and I would estimate we had over a hundred wars going on. At one point I had over three hundred war mails in my alliance inbox –and that was after deleting a bunch week, after week, after week. It was getting super ridiculous and I’m glad they fixed it!

In other totally random news, a FW pilot brought to my attention that according to the numbers thousands of FW pilots have left FW, seemingly overnight. We tracked down the discrepancy, and found out that CCP has changed the way they are reporting FW numbers –only counting actively enrolled FW pilots. Pilots enrolled on unsubbed accounts no longer get counted in those numbers. I will probably investigate this more later, as it sounds pretty interesting.

The Amarr currently have 28 systems. Or was it 33? I forget. I wish they would hurry up and take over the entire warzone. At that point, I will belligerently declare that I’m a pvper and care nothing for sovereignty, and that sovereignty doesn’t matter, and that I’m just here for the pew.

I will also declare that in Retribution, CCP obviously set the mechanics decidedly against the Minmatar, and cry about how there’s nothing that we, as Minmatar, can do against the extraordinary odds that are against us. I will then spam CCP with petitions saying the Amarr are exploiting in some way, and perhaps even directly threaten to get several Amarr banned for abusing obvious bugs in the game.

At that point, members of my alliance will all start ridiculous blogs that say nothing of any value except to whine about Shalee Lianne. Everything she says will be a lie, every idea she offers will be the ramblings of a biased wannabe journalist, who cannot possibly understand what we, as Minmatar underdogs are truly going through. And Poetic Stanziel, who will probably have announced his candidacy for CSM at that time, will be ridiculed, threatened, and constantly badgered about being mind-controlled by Shalee, and the Amarrian populace. He will be badgered so thoroughly and his every action and word will be so closely analyzed and taken out of context that he will find it difficult to focus on the job he was intending to do - improving the game for all pilots.

My alliance mates and I will develop a syndrome, whereby when any Amarrian writes, or says anything we do not like we will immediately shout “troll!” or "propoganda!"

Then, I will start an alt corp and name it Late Fwight, whereby I will recruit the most obnoxious new players, and hand them tons of tech 1, poorly fit thrashers in the hopes that they could become a real power in the future and turn the tide for the Minmatar Faction. I will proceed for several weeks to brainwash them so that nothing any Amarrians say will be valid or true, and our entire corporate culture will be based around a bird –specifically the turkey, due to one of our directors being named ‘Space Tirky.’ We will then proceed to spam local channels with our “gobble, gobbles”.

I will then recruit the most loud, obnoxious, ridiculously juvenile FC I can find who will obviously have real-life mental issues, and goes by some sort of absurd name like “Herp DerpDerpHerpHerp”. I will proudly follow him into battle whilst he shouts on about various body parts and randomly makes wild accusations and speculations against people he knows nothing about.

When this entire endeavor fails, I will move my alt corp in a huff to Caldari space, after spreading around a ridiculous rumor that Pandemic Legion has hired us to come help them in null-sec and train them how to PVP. We will be back in the Amarrian/Minmatar warzone within a month.

And, when the Amarr finally take Huola, I will move to Egghelende with much fanfare, and proudly proclaim cultural victory.

--

And with that all out of my system, I’m going to go find a cup of tea. That’s not exactly the direction I was planning to go in this post, but oh well. Heck, I probably won’t even have to write a ‘year in review’ post as everything I just rambled on about, with a very few name changes, and a few adjustments to the timeline, would probably suffice as an accurate depiction of Faction War since spring of 2012.

The End.

PS. In case you wondered, I failed in getting my Condor blown up last night. The Amarr fleet we fought died to the last man,and we incurred zero losses of our own. Perhaps I will find better luck in getting it destroyed tonight. I will keep you informed.

Literally have done nothing but be a mere sideshow attraction to the scheme of things. Ive also sat on your comms quite a few times. its sure nice of you folk to be kind to that retard fc of yours ddd.

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