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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Depression: feeling law

and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;we all shrivel up like a leaf,and like the wind our sins sweep us away.Isaiah 64:5-6

As Christians, we know this. At least on an intellectual level.

In the pit of depression, I feel this. Filthy rags, sin, everywhere. And I can’t get it OFF.

I can’t run from it, I can’t think myself out of it

Sin is inflamed. I am nearly consumed. Help seems not to come.

In the pit, I feel the law.

I feel the sin in my own heart. I am presented with needs, with opportunities to love, and I fail. And fail. And fail.

It is here in this horrid place that I learn a new kind of faith: a faith that stops trying to do, and learns to simply receive. To receive with my ears, to hear objective truth, and to remember that it is true even when I do not feel it.

For by grace you have been saved, through faith.

And this is not of your own doing; it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8

For more thoughts on the distinctions between faith, words, virtue, and grace, see this post.