Sunday, October 24, 2010

My boyfriend's family is very well off; the dad make nearly 1/4 of a million every year, the mom works too, and they can afford virtually anything their hearts could desire, yet they are still unhappy. Why you ask? I have been told that their marriage is next to perfect: the flame is still there, they love each other to the ends of the earth, the romance is present no matter where they are....but they fight. Over MONEY. Having a net worth of at least a couple million with their private golf-course, gated community neighborhood, I have never heard of a bigger waste of life. Especially when it begins to damage their son's self-esteem, self worth, and overall outlook on life. I want to just scream.

Recently, I have found a few sayings to keep in mind when it comes to stressing out over money. I wanted so badly to send them to his miser of a father, but I did not want to be ousted from the family, because I know if you plan on marrying someone, you automatically marry their family too. I have to pick my battles, and trying to talk sense into this power-monger would be pointless and impossible. Not only because the money skews his perspective and priorities in life, but because he would automatically disregard anything I had to say because I'm only 19 and have a vagina: pretty sad. But yea, enough of my venting about parents who do more damage than good, here is the list of sayings to prevent miser-ism from creeping up on you when you are in a pinch or when you are allowing the joy to be sucked out of your life by green paper with faces of the presidents on them:

For Epicurus, happiness is the absence of either physical pain or mental suffering. He is not interested in an ostentatious display of either wealth or joy, but rather the inner tranquility that comes from leading a good life.

Epicuruson Wealth and Happiness: Money is Not the Key to Living a Good Life

An upright man can never be a downright failure.

It is not by purse, but by character that you are rich or poor.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Going along with relationship troubles, a significant contributor to the problems and frustrations many experience in their love life occurs when the instigator of a relationship encounters another individual who withholds their feelings out of fear of something new and different; or simply the fear and paranoia of another emotional letdown caused by allowing a new intimate relationship into their lives.

I personally have had many experiences in which, even when I have approached another individual expressing my interest and intrigue with them, many seem to shy away and be more reserved than they initially seemed to come across. I have concluded that the explanation for this odd and inconvenient change in behavioral and social patterns is that many people are intimidated by me. Apparently in this world brains, an independent disposition, a strong personality, and a striking appearance can be both a blessing and a curse. Many men are afraid to approach me out of fear of rejection and thus personal humiliation: they automatically assume that tall, thin, blonde means instantly taken, which to their disadvantage, robs them of an opportunity to make a new friend or get to know someone who could change their lives for the better. I am not being egotistical, but merely providing an example from my own personal experiences to give advice to others who may not see it from these alternative angles.

Many women I know automatically assume there is something wrong with themselves that makes them unapproachable; they begin to get down on themselves because they fear their loneliness is simply the result of their outer appearance, their age, their social standing, etc. When in fact, it is because most men are easily intimidated, and those who are not are simply using a massive ego to conceal some underlying insecurity which is also easily provoked. It is very simple: especially with those who have recently been dubbed as "single" or has left a long term, on and off relationship to find something new and different and better.

People are scared of trying new things, having adventure, and living in the moment...and with relationships this fear can cause hesitation which can prove to be very disadvantageous in ones pursuit of companionship and even life in general.

Never Be Afraid to Try New Things & Live in the Moment...

...or you will deprive yourself of all life's little adventures and joys that makes it worth living

keeps you feeling ALIVE...

It seems that no matter how I present myself or try to seem as neutral/harmless as possible,

I still intimidate those whom I approach, even in the friendliest of manners and mindsets...but it

took me a few years to figure out that it was not because I was unattractive or overbearing...but

because of others' fears of something new and different that I was getting little to no response from

those with whom I attempted to kindle a friendship or even relationship...

My point being, from past experience through present, no matter what, do NOT allow yourself

to become discouraged or put down by these little bumps in the road. Just continue with your

efforts to make yourself happy and find your niche in this world...and most importantly...

DoNOTbe afraid to allow yourself to have fun

Adventure

Joy

and live life to the FULLEST....

...you owe it to yourself to be willing to try new things and stop constantly worrying about what

it is that tomorrow will bring...Be reasonable and responsible, of course...but I urge you more than anything

to learn to

Live for the moment

Live in the moment

...if you cannot allow yourself to do what makes you happy and live for what you crave... for what you

LOVE...what you YEARN for ...then what would life be worth living for?

The meaning of life? Adventure

"In the time it takes to say the word ‘now’, that moment has already slipped from our grasp. And while we can’t hang onto the present, it’s the most real thing we have. We alone decide how to make the best use of the here and now."

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I have been through some rough times in my life. Very rough. Which many cannot even begin to fathom. And at age 18, I seem to know more about the world and how easily emotions and morale can be manipulated by both the evils and the happiness within it...

I have taught myself to build walls around my core, so anyone who approaches me cannot hear the beating behind which indicates that I do indeed have a heart with the tendency to bleed for those whom I let in. Permission to access anything beyond this concrete mask of protection is exclusive and granted about as often as there is a blue moon in the sky.

Though there is a barrier, with enough hard work, dedication, and determination, one can possibly penetrate them and gain access to the thrills and chills they may only experience in their wildest dreams and fantasies...why do I write this here? Because it needs to be written. I cannot speak it. I cannot physically portray it through my art. Only my words on paper. In this case, the electronic substitution for such media will suffice.

I know many people post about love and emotional complications which they experience in the hope thatsomeone has an answer out there for them; even some words of comfort or consolidation. This posting is more or less to shed upon you the advice and insight which I personally consider to be very helpful and useful, though I cannot take it or live by it myself.

Oh sweet sweet spiteful irony!

We all naturally feel that each one of us has their own perfect companion, waiting out there....just waiting to meet their own counterpart and experience a sense of completion: fulfillment. It is human nature to be socially driven...but many of us tend to stir around in our own thoughts and ruminate on the feeling of loneliness , making it a much more prominent and overpowering fact of life than it was initially programmed in our minds to be. Media boasts that those who are lonely are those who are forever feeling incomplete, lost, and isolated. It seems everywhere you go, there are happy couples holding hands and enjoying a deeply entwined relationship which you yourself see and long for: believing you will feel complete once you can finally obtain said coveted partnership.

Quit fooling yourself. Give yourself more credit. Live your life. Have FUN with yourself, by yourself: learn how to be your own best friend.

Though it is very very true (as many of us all know the feeling), there is nothing that can compare with the soft kiss of affection or caress of the neck from a significant other...but life has many other physical sensations that can easily surpass those experienced with the thrill of new love/being loved. I have learned long ago that dependance on affection will only act as a crutch and hinder me in my efforts to feel fulfilled...like I have a purpose. I still seem to lose my self-esteem when I deem my only value or sense of worth as being my emotional investment and contribution to another to whom I am committed. When I am without a "purpose" or a person upon whom I can please and make happy...

I feel like I have no value to the world: I feel I have

lost

the meaning of my life...my existence....

I'm trying to work on it. Desperately trying to reprogram myself to value me for me and all positive aspects of who I am and what else I can do apart from making someone else happy.

A relationship is a cheap & easy, tangible solution for those of us who feel as though there is a void in our souls which we must fill to feel complete. This "I will feel whole again with the right man/woman in my life" theory is a plastic excuse-of-a-fix to this void...this gaping hole. Even after finding "the one", you still are two separate people: two beings who, as much as you may WANT to merge into one, still must find satisfaction and happiness within yourself...through yourself...for yourself. The emotional understanding and connection with another human being definitely has its value and contribution to the soothing of the open wounds of bleeding hearts...but in the end, it is not what will resolve the unsettling sense of being lost and lacking direction in your life.

Do not let the media and social pressures make you starved for the need of a here-and-now lover/relationship to feel valuable. The most important thing you can do is love yourselfand stop looking for another human being to be your solution. The only solution that is real, satisfying, and permanent lies not in the need for purpose through the eyes of another, but the ability to be happy with yourself....be happy with being by yourself. I find the best way to do so is to become one with nature.

Go out and feel the cool, calming kiss of the rain on

your skin or the warm caress of the sun on your face.

After all, it is in nature that man truly belongs, be it in the arms of a fellow human or completely solitary. We are all looking for happiness. Rarely does another who is busy looking for their own version of the sensation assist you in the pursuit of your own. Just be satisfied knowing you exist in a world of others looking for the same sense of purpose and fulfillment, and know you can be the band-aid to your own bleeding heart when you can finally take a look in the mirror and see the image of someone whom you know is content and living their lives to the fullest on their own accord: because...

it is not until we are content and okay withourselvesthat we can really pursue ourdreams and achievethe monumental feeling of utmost vivacity and pleasure.

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About Me

I am very into music. Being an artist I have a very different perception of the world...colors, shapes, nature...all has deeper meaning to me than it to most others. I love getting into the moment and doing things to make myself feel alive or give me an adrenaline rush. My world is based on sensory stimulation and exploring looking for adventure at every chance I get. I have special talents others could never even dream of, and it is all contained within a very fit, petite blonde exterior. With me one can always expect spontaneity and surprises: life is never boring when you are around me. I keep people on their toes and enthralled by my complicated personality, enigmatic mystery, and sensuality.