Senior Savvy: Daughter worries about Mom

Monday

Feb 25, 2008 at 12:01 AMFeb 25, 2008 at 12:35 AM

Q: My mother has osteoarthritis and is bent over forward. I am very worried that if she falls she will break her hip. My mother will not let me help with the groceries and she still insists on cleaning the house. Is there anything I can do to reduce her risk of a fall?

Debbie Gitner and Linda Sullivan

Q: My mother has osteoarthritis and is bent over forward. I am very worried that if she falls she will break her hip. My mother will not let me help with the groceries and she still insists on cleaning the house. Is there anything I can do to reduce her risk of a fall?

A: You are a very good daughter to be worried about what could happen and to try to plan ahead. Your mother wants to stay independent and not be a burden on her daughter. However she does not see that she is putting herself at risk for a fall. All you can do is remind your mother again and again that you are available.

Ask your mother if the day comes that she should have a fall would she want surgery? Under what situations would she not have surgery? Understand what your mother's feelings are, respect her wishes, honor her wishes, and be her voice if/when she can not speak. There is nothing more you can do to change the situation. Your mother is still competent, which means she is able to make her own decisions.

Risk factors for falls:

- Scatter rugs on the floor

- Clutter on the floor near where they sit

- Animals in the home

- No night lights on when they go to the bathroom at night

Q: My mother does not have the financial means to live in an assisted living facility. Is there something available for people who need care but not to the level of nursing home care? We cannot afford private pay care for my mother.

A: Depending upon your mother's income, she may qualify for some free services. Contact either the local Council on Aging or the local Aging Service Access Points for more information on resources within the local community.

Aging Service Access Points are funded by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to provide homecare services for seniors. Some communities have supportive housing that has many of the services of the assisted living facilities but without the high cost. It is generally for someone who needs some care but not nursing home quality care.

Q: My father is commenting that he is having "weird thoughts." He will not tell me what that means. I ask him if he's thinking about dying and he vehemently denies having those thoughts. In addition, he is staying more in the home and not eating as much as he once did. I am worried but I do not know what to do. Any suggestions?

A: From what you have described we believe your father could be depressed. Contact his primary care physician for a medical work up to rule out something medical going on. If all tests show nothing medically, then your father could be suffering from depression.

Depression is very prevalent among elders. There are many losses in their lives over which they have no control. Friends and family die and their own mortality is in the forefront. Talk with your father about depression and see if he will allow you to talk with his physician about this topic. If yes, great; if the answer is no then contact his physician, letting the physician know that you are concerned and your father has not given permission but you want him/her updated and request that the physician bring up the subject. There are many antidepressants that can be beneficial to seniors.

ElderCare Resource Services is a partnership of geriatric nurses and social workers that helps families to investigate, assess and recommend medical and non-medical care and resources for seniors.