Review: Self-proclaimed 'the white Chief Keef', Brewski's 'Chauffeur'

Here's a video from a guy named Brewski. (Yup, Brewski.) In the promo e-mail I got earlier containing this video, he was dubbed "The white Chief Keef." After reading that, I made this face:

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to address young Brewski and his team:

Look, I get it. I get it! You've invested time and money in a rap career bolstered by your bros and well-intended yet misled black guys named Chris whom you played rec league basketball with, and hey, good on you for that. You went for it and you made a wack song and you feel like it's worth getting out there. You're going to encounter people who are so worried they might miss out on the next big thing that they're going to support this.

Not me. Fam, it's not that you're spitting the type of sound you assume will appeal to fans of Keef/drill music. It's not that you come off as a hack attempting to jump on a trend that started two years ago. It's not even that you knew EXACTLY what kind of response calling yourself "the white Chief Keef" would get. It's that you're doing all of that deplorable behavior wearing a DUKE jersey in the video. DUKE! You picked the one school everyone associates with Grade A douchebaggery to rep in your first big look? What, were there no Notre Dame throwbacks in your closet to grab? You couldn't squander a goddamn Bulls jersey even? I seriously watched this whole video thinking, "Damn, it's like JJ Redick made a rap song." Know what? I WOULD WATCH THAT BEFORE I WATCHED THIS.

This is the equivalent of that one guy in college who plays shitty 311-lite music in college and gets tons of ass despite being the personification of what your house would smell like after you had a wild-ass party. This is a guy in a Wu-Tang hoodie and boot-cut jeans trying to talk to you about "that real hip-hop" at every single goddamn rap show. This is bullshit. Absolute 100% USDA Grade A bullshit.