Wednesday, May 14, 2014

They Weren't Always Right

As I grow older I start to realize that the household I grew up in as a child is not the same one I want for my child. Yeah, there was love and caring and all of that, but there are certain aspects I've realized that I shouldn't transfer over to me being a parent.

For one, I vow to grow up listening to my child, reasoning with what he says, and if I truly feel like I'm in the wrong, I wouldn't hesitate to apologize. I certainly wouldn't ask him, angrily and with raised voice "who the f*ck do you think you are?" And then request for him not to come over with his child anymore. In front of his child. And he's an adult himself.

And I sure as hell would respect the way he feeds and raises his child, unless it was outrageously unhealthy for the child.

I know I can't shelter him from all the unpleasanties of the world and that this is one of those moments he grows and realizes that the world can be fucked up sometimes, but it still sucks when he considers himself the reason for his Lolo and Daddy arguing.

I'm grateful for the life I've lived, sure, but to be real there are always going to be resentments that I'll hold. Easier said than done, of course.

I'm also going to remember this line ArJ said: "you don't demand respect; you earn respect"

Any day now they will no longer be here. I'm not wishing for it to happen, but I just know it and a sad part of me thinks of how relieved I'd be. I'm sure I'll regret the last part of what I just said there, but the angst I feel right now numbs me to any thought or idea of that.

My job is to put Eamon in the best position in life that he can be. I owe that much to him. It is not wrong of me to think the things I am right now...