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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Cop-Out #5: Buttons & Collars

Let me tell you about my morning. I woke up in the middle of the worst dream I have ever had. It wasn't just bad. It was awful.

In my dream, I had plans to go to the beach with my friend Bryn. Unfortunately, a girl that I used to be friends with during part of high school was keeping me from going to the beach, forcing me to run errands with her. At one point, we left her apartment, drove around for a while, drove back to what looked like her apartment complex building, and she left me in the car while she ran upstairs to grab something. It was dark and the parking lot looked really shady, so I decided to stay in the car. For some reason, this girl (Abby), had left some of the windows cracked a bit. A creepy black guy came up to my window. I told him to back off or else I'd be forced to use pepper spray on him. He didn't, so I warned him again, and then sprayed him in the face. Another guy tried to come up to the driver's side backseat window, which was actually opened almost 1/4 of the way, and before he had a chance to do anything, I sprayed him, too. They left me alone, but it was enough to make me upset that I was forced to resort to using the pepper spray. I thought that Jared would be proud of me for having it, though.

Well, then Abby comes back and decides to take me to a mutual friend's house (Emily - who in real life was only really a classmate). There were a bunch of other girls there, but I didn't care to be with them. They were up to some antics, and I was just really upset that I was missing out on being at the beach with Bryn. I almost lost it, so I decided to get up and leave so I could call Bryn. As I was heading towards the door, my cousin and Emily stopped me. All of a sudden I was in my bedroom with them. My cousin said to me, "Kate, there's something we have to tell you." She walked to my closet door, where my purse was hanging, and grabbed Jared's Bible from it. "This is for you." I looked at her puzzled, and told her I needed to call Bryn so I could go to the beach with her. "Kate, Jared died this morning."

All of a sudden, I started wailing. "What!?!?!" My cousin said, "His heart just stopped." I heard Emily's voice, "He was in a car accident. He was on his way to New York to..." I kept wailing, and tried to ask what he was doing going to New York, but all I could think of was that at least I had his Bible. I wondered why no one told me sooner. I found momentary comfort in knowing that I had Jared's mom to go to. But then I started freaking out, thinking that I was a widow at 24, and that I would be alone, and have to find love again. I wailed more. (By wail, I mean a mix of a cry, a scream, and a panic.)

I was woken up to Jared shaking me and saying, "Kate, wake up. Kate, wake up. Kate wake up." I opened my eyes but kept wailing. Wailing subsided to crying, but I couldn't stop crying.

Eventually I calmed down. The scene has been pasted in my mind, and I can't get it out. Hearing the words "Jared died" are probably the two worst words I have ever heard (even if it was just a dream) in my entire life. Never have I ever had a dream as terrible as this (and yes, I have had dreams where I woke myself up out of them crying-- but never wailing). The worst part was that the entire day felt so surreal, and I found myself almost bursting into tears periodically throughout the course of it.

So I hope you understand the lack of enthusiasm in this outfit. I was tempted to go to class in my sweats, but I knew that would call attention to myself. Instead, I put on a button-up, a statement necklace, and a big belt. I think it worked.

The shirt is a soft pink/lavendar. The look of the picture admittedly has a Karate Kid feel to it... I probably should have worn black leggings/pants or skinny jeans instead. Whatever. I really didn't care.

Tell me, have you ever had such an awful dream? How do you bounce back from these things? It's ridiculous that I've let it affect me this much, it's a dream after all. Jared is fine, he's still here, so what's the big deal? Yeah.

Feigning Fashion Tip of the Day: Wear a button up and/or a collared shirt. For some reason, a shirt with buttons and/or a collar takes sophistication up a notch. It doesn't even matter how you wear it, what you wear with it, but there's just something about it buttons and collars. And if you wear a shirt that has both-- you are set.