This was a nice story, though it could definitely use editing. There are a lot of spelling mistakes and a few missing words that really detract from the story because they are quite jarring. You should edit it, fix those things and upload the chapter again because it's great otherwise.
Thanks for your contribution to the archive.
xx-Wolfgirl

Hey there,
I loved the way that you opened this, it really got me thinking and very much interested. This is something very different and I like that Marlene was with James. I feel like there was that very nice and real message here about not having to change of others, staying true to yourself. The end line just sums it all up. It written really well. Good Job.

Author's Response: Aww thank you! ^^ I really had fun writing it... I was thinking of how sometimes people have the "pretty blonde" cliche and wanted to show that sometimes, it's not all as it seems. I know many girls who have that complex, and I went through a period of time where I was pretending to be someone else as well... I'm glad you thought I wrote it well, and thanks for the lovely review!! :)

I love James/OC's so much but they always make me so sad as I want the OC to win instead of Lily but Lily always wins! :(
But I loved this one-shot and I just love James/OC's I have like 3 of them myself XD
I feel so sorry for Marlene but so proud of her for being her true self and not being fake in the end.
Hopefully she found someone new who made her happy even though it pained her to see James with Lily.
I would love more on this! I want to know what happened to make her fall for James! =D

~BlameItOnTheNargles

Author's Response: He took her ouside in the winter and made her notice how the stars reflected on the ice from the black lake. That was what started to get her to open, and eventually made her fall. :( It's all in my head but I have so many WIPs I don't have time to write it... so I write One Shots like this one... :D

So you're the only one who knows :P You can steal my plunnie and make it your own if you want as I'm never gonna write it (It would break my heart to write more than a one-shot, knowing the end...) Oh and Marlene is Marlene McKinnon, a member of the Order of Phoenix that died during the first war. She never had time to find someone else :( it's really sad... :(

This was wonderful, terribly sad, but wonderful. You captured all the emotions perfectly. I felt as if my heart were breaking right along with Marlene's. I've felt a lot like her before, and I think many other girls have to. I just wanted to comfort her the entire time. She was being so awful to herself :( but I did love her ending revelation. It was perfect.

I also loved how you described James. He acted just as I thought he would. Slightly oblivious to other people's feelings.

This was perfect

Author's Response: Wow thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed it, I worked hard on it to try and make it seem realistic, I'm glad it worked! :D Thank's for your great review!! :D

This was very very well written, you should be very proud of this.
In all the James/Lily fics I've read, I've never really stopped and considered the 'other girl's' opinion. It hurts, and the way you wrote it, was very... god I can't think of the right word. relatable? no. How about beautiful?
I'll argue with the thesearus later. Anyway.
Brilliant job, I liked this a lot. You wrote the emotion very well, I loved her character. The ripping off the mask, cleaning off the makeup thing, was very powerful.

Great job :)

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you for such a wonderful review!! I'm so happy you liked it. This review is making me smile ear to ear! haha! :)