Disciplining kids as a single father

Discipling kids is a challenge even in the best of relationships when there is a mom and a dad together trying to do this to take care of the kids. When you become a single father, it escalates the entire difficulty to a stratospheric level. It just becomes practically impossible. One of the things that makes it impossible is that for most fathers they go from seeing their kids every day to every other weekend and Wednesday afternoon, which is not nearly enough time to maintain a relationship with anybody. So a lot of single dads will spend the first part of the time they have together with their kids kind of making up for lost time, finding out what was going on. And then they will spend the rest of the time trying to help the kids with whatever they are helping them but a lot of guys will settle on like what you hear about the Disneyland dad syndrome of taking out the kids for dinner, no limits, just let them do whatever they want because they are worried that the kids won´t love them as much. And so, the natural thing if you think kids are not going to love you, you want to give them as much freedom as you can. Not true. If you want to show your kids that you love them, you need to set down some rules and stick with them. If you have a good relationship with your ex, terrific thing to call her up or however you can be in contact and find out what rules are going on over there so that you can come up with a plan so that the rules are pretty similiar in both places. It doesn´t always work out. That´s fine. Kids are adaptable. They can deal with rules at mom´s house and rules at dad´s house. But whatever the rules are, stick with them. You come home from school. You do your homework. You don´t just get on the computer. You don´t go out to play with your friends. You have to have the rules and stick with them. And that´s the most important thing.

Armin Brott

Dad, Author & Radio Host

A former Marine, Armin Brott has devoted the last 15 years to providing men with the tools, support, and knowledge to help them become the fathers they want to be—and their families need them to be. His seven critically acclaimed books for fathers have sold well over a million copies. Titles include The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be and The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year. He has written on fatherhood for hundreds of newspapers and magazines and is a frequent guest on such television programs as the Today Show. He also writes a nationally syndicated newspaper column (Ask Mr. Dad), and hosts a syndicated radio show (Positive Parenting). He lives with his family in Oakland, California.

Discipling kids is a challenge even in the best of relationships when there is a mom and a dad together trying to do this to take care of the kids. When you become a single father, it escalates the entire difficulty to a stratospheric level. It just becomes practically impossible. One of the things that makes it impossible is that for most fathers they go from seeing their kids every day to every other weekend and Wednesday afternoon, which is not nearly enough time to maintain a relationship with anybody. So a lot of single dads will spend the first part of the time they have together with their kids kind of making up for lost time, finding out what was going on. And then they will spend the rest of the time trying to help the kids with whatever they are helping them but a lot of guys will settle on like what you hear about the Disneyland dad syndrome of taking out the kids for dinner, no limits, just let them do whatever they want because they are worried that the kids won´t love them as much. And so, the natural thing if you think kids are not going to love you, you want to give them as much freedom as you can. Not true. If you want to show your kids that you love them, you need to set down some rules and stick with them. If you have a good relationship with your ex, terrific thing to call her up or however you can be in contact and find out what rules are going on over there so that you can come up with a plan so that the rules are pretty similiar in both places. It doesn´t always work out. That´s fine. Kids are adaptable. They can deal with rules at mom´s house and rules at dad´s house. But whatever the rules are, stick with them. You come home from school. You do your homework. You don´t just get on the computer. You don´t go out to play with your friends. You have to have the rules and stick with them. And that´s the most important thing.