Saturday, August 30, 2008

As of now these are the people that I look up to, and hope to become more like.

Kimya Dawson

Margaret Cho

Micheal Ian Black

Jeff Hardy

Patrick Stumph

And well, I guess that's it.

If I showed this list to my mom, she would probably have no idea who these people are, which I guess is a good thing because if she did she'd probably rant on about how they are all going to hell, and how I'm a bad kid for looking up to them.

But hey, how am I supposed to look up to my own mom when she does crappy things like telling my 11 year old sister that she's fat, when in all truth she really isn't.

And yes, that is a picture of the awe inspiring Kimya Dawson. And no mom, she is not a heathen.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Ok, gawd I have been so busy the past week it's been almost grueling trying to fit all of my regular daily activities in.

However, I have found a couple of alternatives to help myself out, like instead of taking my shower at night, I take it when I first wake up which is like 5:30am. It saves like 40 minutes of primping at night, which means more time to blog, and read other people's blog.

Also, I do half of my homework one day, and the other half the night before it's due. That way I won't be too overloaded and I'll have extra time to do stuff like laundry, and watching the news.

So even though it may be tight, I have managed to squeeze everything in.... if just barely.

As of right now, this is what I'm planning to work on over the weekend:

AP English poem project.

AP Biology Scientist Paper

Savannah's commissioned art piece (wooo! $5!!)

Algebra problems. boooo :[

So yes, it's going to be a pretty busy Labor Day Weekend, but at least I won't have to complain about being bored.

UPDATE ON L.

Dude, Bekka, I have no idea what you did to L but I think you had a major breakthrough with him because today when I passed him in the hallway at school he SMILED at ME. HOLY COW.

It's like he's had 150% improvement. Plus your blog post yesterday made him seem like a total different person! And I said a joke while talking to Celery and he LAUGHED.

I don't know, maybe I shouldn't be so shocked seeing as we have been working with him for almost a year (or at least I have). However, even if he is making progress we still have a lot to work on with him. Like, how he doesn't know what his favourite food is, or what he does in his spare time, or if he likes unicorns or pandas.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Ok, so in all the excitement of school, and my brand spanking new baby brother I have forgotten all about my social experiment on L.

And for those of you who are just joining in, L is a very anti-social friend of mine. I would like to say that he is a close friend, but in all truth I barely know anything about him. Why, you ask? Well L is the type of person you see in the back of the classroom, who barely ever talks, participates, or even has any interests (that I know of).

With that being said, I've tried observing L, and I think he's gotten better. He actually talks more, even if it's only 5 word sentences, I count that as an improvement. Haha it used to be barely one word!

Still, I notice this stand offish feeling around him, like he feels like he's not wanted so he just automatically just goes away before he even approaches a group of people. I don't know. I guess I feel kind of guilty when he's just standing there, and I end up talking to someone else because he doesn't volunteer anything to the conversation.

I don't know..... Grrrrr..... L is still a total mystery, and it's frustrating me that I still don't know simple things about him, like what he does in his spare time. L is like a very interesting book, that has no information on the outside, but still your intrigued to read it and the only thing holding you back is the fact that there is a big glass wall restricting you from reaching over and opening the book.

I don't think that last sentence made any sense.... Oh well. On an emotional scale of 1 - 10 I think I've seen him express 0.5 --- yeah. That's considered extreme for L.

(PS if you want more info on L just search him on my blog with the search engine thingy on the left column)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I've finally found my middle ground. I'm at the point in my life where I don't really want to argue with my parents. In fact I keep all of my comments marked under the "Talking Back" category inside of my head.

It just makes me mad when my parents don't acknowledge the fact that I do think about other people and not just myself.

Like when I needed to get shoes for pre drill they were kinda mad I guess that I was picky.... But I wanted to get shoes that I could wear outside of dance at the same time. Like multipurpose shoes, and... well we had a disagreement.... which will probably lead to a butt chewing out.

My parents are right in the long run, but I want to be able to make my own decisions, even if I do screw up. That's what life is all about. Screwing up and learning from our mistakes.

HOWEVER. I have decided not to talk back... or at least not a lot. It's just way easier to sit there and nod my head and agree because I really don't feel like arguing, or telling my parents off. Also, in the back of my mind I don't want to be disrespectful to the point of being just a horrible kid.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Ok, so even though I absolutely love most of my classes, I did something really stupid today.

I brought three textbooks with me to school that weigh about fifteen pounds collectively and carried them all day in my backpack. IT SUCKED. However, I recently found out that I will probably never ever have to do that again.... the teachers could have told me that sooner. But hey, better safe than sorry. Although I don't think it was physically safe because my shoulder blades are ACHING.

Also, I seem to have developed a crush on an upperclassman..... a senior to be exact. It sucks, and I knew it was going to happen eventually, but I didn't think it would happen the second day of school.... <

It's a good thing I already prepared myself for this and I've made up a list of things that should help keep me focused on my studies, and help me get over him. The only thing I find weird is that he's the exact opposite of all the other guys I have ever liked. SO DIFFERENT.

Ah, well I guess this is where my hormones start to kick in, and my subconscious starts playing tricks on me by implanting him in my future dreams. This is most likely going to suck..... until I get over him. And believe me. I will, somehow get over him.

Oh yes, and I forgot to mention that after school I saw Jonny and Asstin at Walmart. Jonny bought gum and rice krispies and green tea... which was weird, and Asstin just got coke. They both also got to see my baby brother, and have declared him a future skater.

Also, Melissa thought Asstin was cute and I was just like: UM NO. Not that cute, especially when he doesn't take his meds. And she also thought Jonny looked weird, but I explained to her that he was one of those types of guys that doesn't look nice, but deeeeeeep down under that long unkempt hair really is at heart.

Also, to wrap things up-- I feel like I'm blogging on borrowed time. I have so little time to do anything, and I barely have any homework! Imagine what it will be like when I get my full load of work!

Monday, August 25, 2008

OH WOW. I did not think I was going to have this much fun during school. SERIOUSLY. No one ever told me the first day was going to be so great!

Sure yeah, there were some negatives, but they were severely outweighed by the positives. Some of the negatives were:

MANY people in the halls, which inevitably means bumping into people every 5 inches.

Some unpleasant people in my classes

TONS of information to retain. HTF am I supposed to remember to buy a friggin homecoming shirt-- And when to pick up stuff from the office?

All the scary gangster girls-- they will devour your soul.

No lockers.

Other than that it's pretty good. I mean, even if I did get homework on the first day it's only like one page, and plus my Spanish teacher just totally made my year by saying that she only gave out homework once a week. Before I give out too much let me highlight the good!!

I have C lunch with Celery, Brooke, Miranda, and Kat.

I HAVE THE MOST AWESOME SPANISH TEACHER EVERRR--- she's from Peru :]

I have at least one friend in all my A-Day classes

Friends that happen to be upperclassmen :]

I hang out with Miranda's clan in the morning :] And I talked to Juno girl this morning who is by far, the coolest Juno looking girl I have ever met.

In Pre AP art we found out about all our field trips, and competitions. Finally, something out-of-school!

I can hang with Taylor, Cory, and other friends after school-- just like last year!

Mixed grade classes!! I have classes with Juniors and Seniors!!

I can't guarantee that tomorrow will be as good, but if all my A Days are like this I'll be content to have a horrible B Day in exchange for an awesome A Day.

Also, since Debate and Spanish are every day I'll be able to hang with Miranda and Aria more!! Oh yes, I just read over my Debate team packet and I think it would be best if I didn't type in detail about the class or rounds. Let's just say what happens in Debate class stays in Debate class...... unless Miranda gets a puppy, and sneaks it into the class and he poops all over peoples desk. Then I HAVE to tell you what happens. I'd be depriving the world if I didn't.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

So I was just thinking about all the things I signed up for during the school year and started wondering about my blog. I'm going to be loaded down with homework everyday, and I guess the A day B day schedule will help a little, but still. I've got potential debate meets, UIL, AP art commitments, and tons of other stuff.

It makes me wonder if I'll have time to update, and spend time on here, whereas last year I had it pretty easy.

I don't know. I guess I won't know until things start moving on Monday, and I actually taste what the upcoming school year is going to be like. Oh well, either way, I'll find a way to work things out.

Friday, August 22, 2008

I went with Hannah to the local water park in Canton with her dad, little brother, Ms. C, and these other two kids Jessi, and Quiet Girl. It was pretty fun, I mean we got there at like 11:00 when they opened, and stayed there till 5PM.

So now, since I've got that island blood in me I am thoroughly darker. So much darker in fact I think I could pass myself off as a full blooded, working class Filipino. Yup. No upper class for me.

Anyways, I actually went on the BIG slides for once, but I didn't think I was ready for "The Royal Flush" which is just a really nice name for a giant Toilet bowl. No thank you, I'd rather not pretend I'm a turd.

I Thoroughly enjoyed the wave pool, lazy river, and kiddie area. I like the kiddie area the most though, but in order to go I had to take Hannah's little brother because they were discriminative towards tall people. Also, the guy Jessi accompanied me, which would have been ok.... but he asked a lot of questions and kind of hinted about liking me and Hannah, so I just played it smooth and cool

Jessi: So do you have a boyfriend?Me: *walks under water fall* WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU?? DREWW DON'T RUN OFF!! *runs after drew*

or when we were in the wave pool he'd attempt to save me every time my head went underwater. And I would just be like: I'M NOT HOPELESS I PROMISE MY FEET CAN TOUCH THE BOTTOM SO PLEASE LET GO OF ME.

So my day kind of went like that. I dodged a lot of questions, and gave very vague answers. He also asked for Hannah's number, but she said that she already liked someone (which is sorta true) and I just gave the usual, I don't have time, and I'm pretty horrible.

And believe it or not, I'm not lying. I honestly don't have time with 4 advance courses, debate team, and possibly art club. All my time will be stretched out to the max. Also, I hate talking on the phone for over a minute. No really, I HATE phone conversations, unless it's with certain people. I think I may be the only teenager in the US that doesn't want a cell phone.

Overall I had a good time.... Although I do feel a little guilty for eating that funnel cake... Only in Texas will they mix Carnival food cooked by teenagers in a water park with Religious messages in the wave pool.

And yes, those are pictures of the actual kiddie area from the official web site. Pretty nifty right?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Why? Why is it that everytime I have to go somewhere important, or start something new I also start my period?

Seriously! Ok, I'll make a list in which I shall share all the important times Aunt Flo has reared her ugly face in my life.

My week trip to Grandma Pat's

That one time I went to Hannah's

The last day of camp

When I went to New Orleans

Last Christmas while at my mom's

The day I spent with B

So those were probably the worst. I think New Orleans was just bad timing because it was a little after the hurricane back when people were starting to get back on their feet. I just got really teary around the ghetto neighborhoods, seeing all those hobo looking people walk around.

But yeah. Now the curse has decided to ruin my trip to Splash Kingdom by making me look bloated. Thank Bhudda for tampons though. Without them swimming would be a big fat NO.

And I'll still be on it when I start my first week of school. GREAT. I'll start my High School year out looking like a bloated Filipino lock ness monster. Plus I'll be in a pretty foul mood. So foul little children will shout, "Ahhh mommy it's an Aswang!" and also cry very very loudly.

*EDIT* I cleaned out my closet to sort through my butt-load of jeans and out of 10 Pairs of just plain ole full legged jeans only 3 didn't fit.

And the sad thing is they fit my calves and thighs perfectly, it was just trying to get them over my butt that sealed the deal. My butt was too big for them :[

Melissa wants me to throw them away, but they're in good condition and I hate wasting stuff. So if anyone in the East Texas area wants size 7, 8, or 9 jeans then feel free to message me. They're basically the same size really, just in different brands. Also, the size nine one has a mismatched button on the back lol.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Ok, so in my little sisters Pre-K class there is a little boy with a mohawk. No lie, he is by far the coolest four year old I have ever seen. I tried talking to her about him, and it went a little like this.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Ok, so today I accompanied my family to the doctors office for Steven's two week check up. I swear, if I ever have kids I want a doctor to come by the house. The kids in the hospital were horrible. Kicking, screaming, and running away from parents and into me.

I'm sorry, but if you have 4 kids which are all under the age of six, hire a babysitter or stick them with family. Just because you have two arms and one mouth doesn't mean you're capable of taking care of multiple toddlers and a newborn.

There was one plus side of going to the hospital tho. This dude was going in to get his back to school check up, or it might have been a physical I don't know (he looked like he was athletic), and he was really really cute. I only found two things odd.

He walked like a gazell--

He shaved his legs--

Does anyone else find that a bit weird, or do guys shave their legs now? I would ask my friend Celery (he shaves his arm pits), but I don' t think he'd take to kindly to me asking him questions like that.

But seriously... Is it that common for guys to shave?....not that I have anything against that...

Also, tommorrow is meet the teacher day and supply list pickup. Fun Fun.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

"A storm is coming,"Frank says,"A storm that will swallow the children."And I will deliver them from the kingdom of pain.I will deliver the children back to their doorsteps.(I'll) send the monsters back to the underground.I'll send them back to a place whereno one else can see them.Except for me.Because I am Donnie Darko.

Ok, so I'm not the jealous type, but I sure am the type that gets really mopey, and tries to play it off as PMS.

From the information that I just found out, my nonexistent heart (along with what little coping emotions I have) has plunged into my stomach.

Not cool. But I'll deal with it. I don't really feel like sharing my problem with the world just yet. (or ever)

So for now I'm going to go into HEAL mode and watch America's Next Top Model (which is very calming for me) and watch old Gaspard Ulliel films, accompanied a zombie marathon. Also, I'm going to eat a very unorthodox version of beans on toast. (also very calming)

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Well today I picked up my schedule, showed off my new baby brother to every person I knew-- and a handful of strangers, and saw a bunch of my friends. OH yeah, DID I MENTION THE BRICK LOAD OF BOOKS I PICKED UP??

Anyways, for the friends of mine that go to my school, this post is specifically for you, so I don't have to re-type my schedule online 50 billion times. If you don't go to my school, that's ok. You can feel free to oogle my workload. haha....

Debate 1 - 410

Biology Pre AP - 905

World Geo. Pre AP - 802

Art 2 Pre AP - 214

English 1 Pre AP - 811

Precision Prep - GYM

Algebra 1 - 805

Spanish 1 - 204

I was invited by Hannah to go to a waterpark with her on the 22nd!! Yay! I hope I can go...

Also I was a bit disturbed to see Celery had longer hair than mine...... weeeeiiirrrrdddd...... lmao When he and his mom (who is totally NICE) walked away, Melissa was like "And which one is this?" and I was just like "Er, Celery.... I mean Caleb."

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Ok, I have to confess how confused I am. Of course yesterday I mentioned how above-average guys probably wouldn't be virgins for long, and guess what? I was right!

Coincidentally, right after I typed up that post I started talking with a guy friend of mine. It was just a mundane conversation which involved me asking how his summer went and what he did. Believe me, I was not prepared for his answer.

Now let's get some back story. This guy is one of the most nicest, sincere, and caring friends you could ever have, but he's also a bit desperate in the relationship department. He's asked out every girl he's ever come in contact with (or close to it) and if you ever go out with him he's very clingy and emotional. I dunno, maybe there is a reason for the way he is, I mean he's got a pretty screwed up family with his sister being a milf and all that..... or maybe that's not the reason.

BUT ANYWAYS moving on, I was asking him about what he did, and he mentioned that he tried pot (not surprising, just disappointing) and that he had also lost his virginity in the same week. At first I was kind of in shock, but I get over stuff quickly and I asked him who it was.

In his exact words--- " a girl from big sandy---we did it in the lake---it was a learning experience"

I copied and pasted from our IMs, and of course cut names and whatnot. It just goes to prove my point that very few guys are willing to wait, but girls are a dime a dozen when it comes to abstinence..... not that it's a bad thing, I'm just trying to stress the statistics.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Ok, so while I was out shopping for clothes with my grandma when I saw some billboards.

Now of course you're probably thinking how normal and mundane that is, but have you ever truly paid attention to them? Today, I did.

It was some advertisement about Abstinence. Yes, I know nothing special there, but here me out. The people they chose for the picture were smiling, slightly pudgy and average looking.

Ok, yeah I totally know how shallow I'm sounding right now, but look! Me, being the type that likes to analyze instantly thought, "Why didn't they use pretty models?"

Is the message they're trying to send out doing the opposite of what it should do? I mean, it looks like their trying to say, "Hey kids, be Abstinent. Look at these teens, they're total virgins, but I guess you can see why. See John there? Yeah he's never had a girlfriend. EVER. And see Mary? Yeah, she's 261 pounds, and her favourite hobby is eating pound cake."

The only thing that crosses my mind after that thought is, "Hey, maybe only pretty people have sex. Maybe the only reason why those kids on the billboard are Abstinent is because no one would even think of them in that type of manner." *children please look away, naked overweight person straight ahead.*

So this is where the more reasonable part of my brain steps in........ and steps right back out to watch some really violent movies.

Is Accurate advertising really all that good? In the case of the Abstinence campaign, I think no. Gawd, would it have killed them to put one hot guy on there?

Wait. I already know the answer. YES. Because no above-average-looking guy would be able to control his hormones long enough to remain a virgin before marriage. You want to prove me wrong? Present me with one case, JUST one, with reliable information. Oh, and a case from this century too please.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

The lock in last night at the Library was crazy. Although most of us were teenagers 14 and above, that still didn't stop us from running around like little banshees playing tag and hide and go seek.

Pizza, along with other forms of food were provided, along with sugary carbonated beverages.

Carbs + Teens = One pretty screwed up library.

Personally, I was quite amused by the fact that the library was slightly trashed. I just hope no one found that gross wet paper towel that me and Lain placed in the western section..... anyways no one except old dudes read westerns right?

Also, I revisited my childhood fantasy by playing Duck Duck Goose. If you haven't played that game at least once in your lifetime, you've missed out on a very important stage in your life. Right now as I'm typing this I'm still a bit drowsy and incoherent. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be nice and alert.

My brain is like a giant fog. A giant gross fog that spreads across every crevice of my mind.

Friday, August 8, 2008

So I was just thinking, why are parents the way they are? Is it how they were raised that affects their judgement, or is it something that manifests as we grow older?

Honestly, if or when I have kids I think I would treat them with as much respect they give me. Haha, but then again, that's if I ever want kids. Still a maybe with me. Don't worry though, I've got my whole life ahead of me and I am in no hurry to want anything long term.

Anyways, back onto the subject at hand. Why do some parents worry when their kids like dark colors to dominate their wardrobe? Is it some type of dark omen? Does it mean that we're destined to become delinquents?

Honestly, why can't they see that black is merely a color, and not a proclamation to the world that we are indeed the scum of the earth.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Today was the birth of my third sibling, and only brother. I must say, even though my opinion is biased, he has to be the sweetest little stinker on earth!

He was surprisingly 8lbs and 9oz.... I think.... and 21in long.

I won't be able to post any pictures of him till at least tomorrow, but he's got a cute little none existent chin! Poor baby though, he's as pink as a spring piggy. I tried to do a sketch of him, but as you see, he looks a little mutilated. I promise, he really honestly doesn't look that bad, it's just my pencil was under the influence of MSI and Dr.Pepper. Also, the resolution on the scanner is prettysucky, so you can't see much of the shading, and it looks all gross and pixle-y...

Right now it's disgusting how infatuated I am with the little doll. Gosh. Ok, Before I spew anything totally sugary, I'm going to sign out.

OMG HE HAS THE BEST NEW BABY SMELL!!! WAY BETTER THAN THAT NEW CAR SMELL!!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

I'm hoping that maybe 12 or 13 years from now, if my blog archives are still up, my brother will be horribly embarrased by the fact that I actually blogged about him on the interweb. Also, that I used the phrase interweb, because we all know that saying that phrase is uncool.

Did I mention that also tomorrow is the season premire of New York Goes to Hollywood? No? Well now I did. I have it set to record on my DVR! Woo! Go DVRs.

I wonder if we'll still have those 12- 13 years from now...... I wonder if Steven will actually find this before he reaches 12..... hmmmmm either way, if Blogger and the universe permits, it'll be up here for the little stinker to read.

-------------------------------------------

In other news, I added a new picture to my forum signature. Don't hate on it, appreciate the fact that I'm honest enough to flaunt my opinion.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

OK IS ANYONE ELSE DISAPPOINTED IN THE FACT THAT BREAKING DAWN WAS LIKE A HORRIBLY WRITTEN FANFICTION??

COME ON!! I EXPECTED MORE OUT OF THIS BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or maybe it was just me? I have to be honest, I haven't read the ENTIRE book, but the little bits and pieces I have read are pretty...... weird.

Was it just me, or did Stephanie Meyer just totally contradict herself?

No offense to anyone who actually did like the book, but right now I'm trying to get over the name Renesmee, and the fact that Jacob actually imprinted on someone that wasn't a human, let alone anyone that had to do with Edward.

WTF Bella? Why not name your kid MAYNERD?!

*Bekka, sorry, I know it sounds perverse, but I had waaaaayyyy to much fun typing this. hahahahaaaa, again sorry, and please don't be mad.....!

OK, so I went to the Breaking Dawn release party, and let me tell ya. IT SUCKED. They didn't do the costume party, or the door prizes, or the trivia stuff.

Compared to Harry Potter, it was a ginourmous flop :[

But oh well, it was fun hanging out with Bekka and L, even if we did make L feel entirely uncomfortable...... Seriously though, for half of the night it looked like we were inflicting physical torture upon him! (hehe I might have kicked him a couple of times due to his uncooperativeness)

Bekka was kind enough to buy me a frappuchino, but it ended up tasting like crap because the people working there decided that it would be a good night to throw in the towel and be all like, "Hey, I work hard every other night, I think I'm going to be half assed today."

Not to mention the fuzzy lint stuff that was in our drink. We should have gone back up there and been all like, "Hey douche bags, do your job right or don't show up! I'm not contributing to your salary for nothing!"

When we got to Bekka's house we probably stayed up till like 4am or something! Almost at the butt crack of dawn!

But yeah, I'm still not tired. I'm waiting for my crash to kick in because I probably only got 4 or 5 hours of sleep, plus I did two loads of laundry once I got home, painted, cleaned the kitchen, photoshopped, and spent a bunch of time on Twitter.

Anyways, for those who are currently reading the book, ENJOY, and don't forget to bathe daily, and eat!!

Friday, August 1, 2008

B: In case I never see you again, I want to tell you that you are most likely the most generous person on earth.

Me: Well that just ruined the mood.

B: Huh? What the hell type of mood were you talking about?

Me: You know, the whole friend moving away mood that is so utterly depressing it would make even Stone Cold Steve Austin cry. You ruined it by saying I was nice or generous or whatever the crap you said.

B: Oh sorry. Hey, then why aren't you crying?

Me: I'm saving up all my bodily fluids. The news is predicting a drought in the next five years. But know that deep down, if it weren't for that drought I would be shedding some major tears.

B: Uhuh. Yea.

Me: No seriously! I would be like blubbering-- unable to put together sentences-- I would be a puffy eyed mess!

B: Imagining you crying is hideous.

Me: See my point? Now you see my predicament.

B: Thank you for not crying. I don't think I could handle you looking like a complete and puffy mess. I think you look better asleep and incoherent.

Me: Can you say Utter Crap?

B: Utter Crap.

Me: Niiiiiicceee one. But hey, email me k?

B: Alright. I'll look forward to reading more of our PRIVATE conversations online. Also, when you type this up for your blog, make sure you caps the word private.

Me: Will do mon capitan! I'll make sure to blog about you at least once a month, if not more.

B: And I'll make sure to think of you every time I see a teenager drink beer in the Philippines.

Me: Aww that's so sweet! Don't forget to think of me every time you eat a mango, or puke from looking at balut.

B: I promise. I think I should hang up now, you know, so it'll be even worse next time we happen to talk to each other.

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If you know me outside the vast and nebulous realm of the internet please acknowledge that: I complain, rant, whine, and share a lot more on this tiny little blog than I do in real life. This blog was meant as a cast off of various things that people would rather not listen to in person. Ergo, it goes here. On the internet. Don't comment if you don't like, and don't read if you find it annoying. Also, I'm apologizing in advance for all grammar mistakes. Feel free to correct me if the mistakes bother you too much.

I believe that: Commonsense is the realized sense of proportion.(Gandhi)And that, Spirituality is never a status you attain or a possession you acquire. It is, at rock bottom, simply a capacity for awareness.(Robert Ellwood)