Sexual Energy – What is it?

I read an article recently where the writer spoke about how as teens, he and his mates viewed and judged women; either as a possible sexual conquest, or, on the other hand, as not being attractive enough to warrant their sexual attention, and so looked upon these women as not good enough and someone to tease. Therefore, in my experience, for many people, both men and women, sexual energy is being used as a way of connecting to a person – or a way of putting a person down.

From what he wrote I know that this writer no longer looks at women in this way. I can feel in his writing that he now sees us women for the beautiful and powerful people we truly are. He is now simply seeing us as people, not someone to look down upon, or think that we are in any way less than men. This is truly inspiring. Reading what he exposed about how this sexual energy was for him, has opened a wound of my own.

Sexual Tension: My Relationship with Men

You see, as a teenager I enjoyed male company, but I always felt that there was an element of sexual tension in any interaction and relationship with men; therefore I felt that I could not actually deepen any friendships with men, as to me that meant that you had to ‘go there’ (sexually) with them.

Now it would be easy to say that the sexual energy and tension was all coming from the males in my life, but it wasn’t. I can remember actively encouraging this attention from the males that I was interested in. And I can also remember ‘feeling good’ if they showed a sexual interest in me. However, I always ran a mile straight after feeling this. But what about in my relationships with men when I felt this attention from a male that I wasn’t interested in? Then it felt dirty, sleazy, imposing and made me feel in some way inferior. To be honest, I also felt this way even when I felt this sexual energy coming from a man I was interested in.

So I sat with this for a while and asked the question: why did I actively seek this attention? What is it about me that actually let this sexual energy into my body?

Sexual Imposition: Not Feeling Good Enough

The awareness that has come to me is that I didn’t feel I was good enough. I was looking for some sort of marker that I was good enough and yet the kicker… every time that I felt this type of attention for a split second I felt “yeah, I am good enough”, only to then have that energy inside of me making me feel dirty, sleazy and slutty, to then have myself believe that this is what I was (dirty, sleazy, slutty). It dropped me to a further depth in the belief that I was not good enough.

Wow!… as I write this I am beginning to realise just how much this has affected me in the way I have lived my life.

I can feel now that every time I found myself in a male’s company – whether it be friend, relative, acquaintance, essentially any male company – my body hardened into a protective, ‘ready to defend’ stance, and this is then how I interacted with the male. It hurts to say, but as a result of not feeling good enough I never actually saw any man as another human being, someone to simply love, but as someone who was going to in some way sexually impose on me.

I now take full responsibility for the sexual imposition that I placed on the men as well… because it was an imposition to actively seek sexual attention from them. I can now also see where this energy has played out with my female friends; how it has fostered competition and comparison in my interaction with women.

Taking Full Responsibility and Choosing Love

It is very humbling to watch this sexual energy play out in everyday life and to take full responsibility for having played into it. It is also very empowering to now be able to feel it, nominate it, and to choose to not be a part of it.

Now, as I reclaim the beautiful, vibrant, sexy woman that I am, I can feel that my relationships with men and my interaction with men and women is changing; it is becoming simple, accepting and honouring for both them and myself. I can now feel an equality and I no longer feel inferior to men. As I expose the ‘not good enough’ energy and now walk in my tenderness and love and deepen this tenderness and love in my life every day, I can now truly enjoy the company of people, both males and females.

If I feel any sexual energy, I take full responsibility, and simply nominate that I have felt it and choose to stay with my love. If I do fall into it, I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.

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As a recently new resident to Goonellabah NSW, this finds me enjoying the simple things in life - a warm shower, the joy of cooking, walking in the open air, an open fire, meeting people in the street, catching a falling leaf, finding an exquisite feather. I especially love the joy I feel when I am going to meet friends or family. In general I love my life and being in it.

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852 Comments

Angela Perin says:September 17, 2014 at 5:14 am

Leigh, what you expose about ‘not feeling good enough’ I realised is not limited to sexual energy and the interactions we have with others, nor with any one gender or age. ‘Not feeling good enough’ is endemic throughout society – young and old, male and female, and regardless of race, culture, religion or profession – and I feel underlies many behaviours in respect of how we feel about ourselves and then what we do to ‘make’ up for this, which then of course affects how we are with others – sexual tension and energy being just one of those behaviours that is played out. I feel you nailed it on the head when you shared about taking responsibility, and nominating how you had been feeling and why, with the awareness that this not feeling good enough and the subsequent behaviours is not in fact the natural you. In returning to the love we naturally are inside, and re-developing our connection to this, it becomes more and more obvious what does not belong, and as you express, allows us to truly begin to see people for who they are, not for what we think they need from us, or vice versa. A great sharing which is a sound platform from which to consider many aspects of our life, and how we live.

And how if we choose ‘not being good enough’, that self critic sabotages our ability to share ourselves truly and openly with others, leaving us at the mercy of what is going on around us (other people’s comments, looks, agendas etc). Taking responsibility for this is such a turning point, as Leigh has so clearly and sweetly written.

Great exposure of what plays out here. “I’m not good enough” thoughts most definitely lead into ‘not full of me’ actions, and so of course you’re going to look back to see and feel something that is not ‘good enough’, you can feel its empty of the completeness and fullness of you. A self fulfilling prophesy! And the cycle continues…

‘Not feeling good enough’ feels like a self made curse that effects every relationship in our lives. It has a very empty feeling that has sucked me down into it, but, there is a counter – seeing it for what it is, taking full responsibility for it and as you so beautifully described, we can choose to return to the real love that we are. The ‘not good enough’ feeling has nothing feeding it anymore, so it can slowly melt away.

Sandra Henden says:March 17, 2015 at 5:52 am

For me the cycle continued until I realised that I had the power to stop listening to the voice telling me that I wasn’t good enough. After all, if we are all equal, I am no different to anyone else, we are ALL good enough and therefore I am good enough, just for being me, now all I have to do is work on accepting my Grandness!

Well said Amita- that feeling “not good enough” is a self fulfilling prophecy, so as to not accept our true greatness- who we truly are when connected to our inner heart.

vanessamchardy says:July 7, 2015 at 5:24 am

That is part of the key isn’t it Amita to be willing to accept our grandness.

Jade Jamieson says:February 15, 2016 at 6:42 am

Really powerful to read how much we give away ourselves when we buy into the belief that we are not good enough. As you have shared Amita it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that cycles around until we call a stop to it. Leigh’s article is a beautiful reminder to come back to who we are, to call out what we are not and begin to reclaim the amazingness we all are.

Sandra Henden says:May 8, 2015 at 11:00 am

Yes Jenny, and we can spend lifetimes going round and round in circles, or cycles, until we realise that there is a way out and begin to cut the ‘I’m not good enough’ syndrome, and start to re-connect to our fullness and not accepting less of ourselves anymore, because this is just a dishonouring of who we truly are.

I’ve found for me, that learning to love and care for myself and to begin to build true self worth from this platform, is the only thing that has enabled me to break free of the ‘not good enough’ never ending circle game that so many of us find ourselves in and feel trapped by.

Lorraine Wellman says:September 21, 2014 at 4:40 am

Definitely Matilda, and yes Angela not feeling good enough is endemic in our society and great that Leigh as you said, “nailed it on the head when you shared about taking responsibility and nominating how you had been feeling and why, with the awareness that this not feeling good enough and the subsequent behaviours is not in fact the natural you.” Fantastic that you went on to choose love… who you truly are.

I agree Shevon. Choose love and not be at the mercy of sexual energy or any other energy we feel around us, such simple but profound truth. Great blog Leigh.

Shevon Simon says:October 30, 2014 at 4:41 pm

I am open to and would like to learn this. as sometimes those energies around us can feel overpowering.

Leigh Strack says:November 2, 2014 at 4:57 am

Dear Shevon, I too know very well how the everything else seems to be so powerful. In fact I have just lived a day where I completely gave in to this. Today however is a new beginning if I choose it to be. With great tenderness and honor, without judgement I choose my love and I now go forward and live my day.

Sandra Henden says:March 17, 2015 at 5:58 am

So simple Shevon, to choose love over sexual energy. But first we have to recognise the difference, once we have the awareness to feel what is going on, we can make the choice. I feel that many people are under the illusion that sexual energy IS love.

Naren Duffy says:August 12, 2015 at 5:29 am

Yes, it is a simple choice that is made not so simple when we make being liked or needing to be seen more important than loving ourselves. Sexual energy is very thick and very imposing. I have used it in the past, and I have seen others use it both men and women. And it is all around us. But if we put it in its place and recognise it for what it is, that is, a need for attention to make up for a feeling of a lack of worth. It loses its power, and then we can approach another with true tenderness, compassion and love. Which is much sexier!

Alexander Gensler says:August 16, 2015 at 10:32 pm

I agree with you Naren, true tenderness and love are so much sexier. Only love and stillness allow us to really connect.

karin barea says:September 26, 2014 at 6:06 am

I love what you’ve said Matilda. I know well the damage that the self critic of ‘not being good enough’ can do with how open or not I am with my self and with others. And how when I take responsibility for that I am no longer at the ‘mercy’ of what’s around me.

It’s a great thought provoking blog, thanks for sharing Leigh. I can relate to the taking responsibility for the thoughts of not being ‘good enough’ Karin. I have been steadily building a foundation of appreciating myself and it feels good in my body, I have come to a point where the ‘not good enough’ has less room to play out in my mind.

A lovely blog Leigh one which has certainly given me a nudge to feel into. I can certainly relate to the ‘not being good enough’ so many times in relationships be they with men or friends/family etc I used to go into comparison – I now know this was holding me back in so many ways. Your words Mary about “steadily building a foundation of appreciating yourself and it feels good in your body” that’s where I am at. It has certainly changed the responses that I get now when connecting to those that I meet in my everyday.

Jade Jamieson says:February 15, 2016 at 6:47 am

This feels great Mary, building a true foundation of love of self through appreciation and confirmation and not allowing the space for the ‘not good enough’ belief to play makes so much sense. It is something I feel I need to incorporate big time in my life.

Catherine Jones says:October 5, 2014 at 10:48 pm

Great point Matilda. It seems that we learn to put our selves down, be self critical, modest etc, because this is what we think is the ‘nice’ way to be, as if this in some way serves others, or is most considerate of them, and yet, as you point out, the exact opposite is true. I for one once believed this great big lie. I love how you say that the ‘self critic sabotages our ability to share ourselves truly and openly with others’.

Thank you Leigh for you blog.
Yes Mary I have spent many years trying to be better and better so I could fit in and be accepted. What I ended up with was exhaustion an empty life and empty self. I’ve found appreciating myself, those around me and my life have made a big difference and led me off the ‘hamster on the wheel’ life of never being good enough.

This is a great blog and the many comments. As you say, Alison, appreciation is such a powerful tool to get off “the ‘hamster on the wheel’ life of never being good enough”. Trying to be something just does not work, while acknowledging and appreciating what is already there steadily builds a true, solid foundation that develops self-confidence and love.

Sandra Henden says:May 8, 2015 at 11:04 am

“Trying to be something just does not work, while acknowledging and appreciating what is already there steadily builds a true, solid foundation that develops self-confidence and love”, this is so spot on Jonathan, I shall make it my mantra of the day!

Kelly Zarb says:May 24, 2015 at 4:05 pm

I agree wholeheartedly with what you have expressed Alison. I have found appreciating myself and my life to be a fundamental key to kicking the ” I’m not good enough,” monster to the curb.

Oliver Hallock says:June 17, 2015 at 6:38 am

So true Alison; feeling as though I’m never being good enough, apologising excessively and generally trying to be or do continuously is the most exhausting way to live. I’ve done this and as it’s pulling-up, I’m gaining greater energy levels back. it’s a matter of accepting ourselves to the bone and appreciating ourselves.

Leigh Strack says:June 17, 2015 at 6:16 pm

Oliver, I love how you say here ‘Accepting ourselves to the bone’. I am beginning to feel just how powerful it is in living this way. I had many moments at work today where things that normally take me of on the not good enough hamster wheel (Alison :-)) yet each time I continued to allow my love to be present in my body. The way I responded was tender and in full support for myself and others. I can truly say love is the key here, love for myself and equally so for others. I felt so joyful and light.

Amina Tumi says:October 8, 2014 at 4:23 pm

This is true Matilda and shows the depth that this article holds, many discussions I feel can be had here.

The self saboteur can run riot if we give it permission and stamp our card with ‘not good enough’ – the constant degradation of our worth and the resulting emptiness seeks to fill itself with any thing but the agony and the roundabout ride begins. We are amazing we just need to remind ourselves of that fact always.

Dear Lee, it is one thing to remind ourselves that we are amazing (this is something that I had been doing for some time) however I have discovered for myself to truly defeat the not good enough takes a commitment to continually surrender to my inner heart, my soul, as when I am connected to the truth of who I am, there is not the slightest bit of not good enough present in my body.

Thank you Leigh. Yes indeed we can tell ourselves that we are amazing in the way of a daily affirmation but this can only truly be lived when we connect within as you say to our inner-heart and feel the absolute truth of this.

Sarah Flenley says:October 10, 2015 at 7:10 pm

Surrender is the key indeed Leigh. Love your blog – second one i have read in 10 minutes – I am having a Leigh-blog-love-fest!

Anne-Marie O Donnell says:August 10, 2015 at 5:28 am

So true Matilda. Allowing the energy of not good enough leaves us at the mercy of every insecurity and self bashing critique. As you say we then go out into the world feeling so much less and this is what the world gets. A protected, held back version of ourselves. Realising that this is a choice is a huge and empowering learning.

Insightful comment Matilda, buying into the not feeling good enough number does leave us at the mercy of others also by the way we can then need/want the reassurance from the outside, yet which never fulfils because all the while we are undermining ourselves. So even if someone told you that you were the most amazing creature in the universe and meant it, it wouldn’t really assuage the emptiness, for that, as has been said we have to learn to fill ourselves.

Angela what you share about the not being good enough being endemic in society across all genders and ages is so true. I myself am just beginning to realise the insidiousness of this energy and how if we let it, it completely clouds the love that we are. A very deep learning that I am experiencing now is that letting the not good enough be the platform for my life has led to me only wanting to better myself, not actually truly wanting to be love, even though I thought that I was doing this. I can now truly say that it is only through connecting to my love I am beginning to expose this energy, and might I say I am shocked at how deep and far reaching the tentacles of it are, how much of my life that it has affected.
Thank you for taking my blog to the next level of understanding for all of us.

Leigh I am deeply touched by the openness of your article and love your last line ” ….. I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.” – there is no ‘ not good enough in that! I feel you have spoken for myself too in your comment here about how this energy completely clouds who we really are which I too have experienced and am beginning to discard the wanting to be better, just allowing all that I am. Thank you for starting this conversation for us all.

I agree Leigh, not only does believing we are not good enough cloud the love that we are, it also blinds us from seeing or accepting our own love. Would this not therefore impact our ability to appreciate our loveliness (in all the many ways others can clearly see it!)? I know that I have also fallen for the ‘not good enough’ myself and I can feel how it reduces ones way of experiencing life and relationships.

Yes, so true what you all say about ‘not being good enough’. For me I have realised the irony that I, myself, have created this belief from attempting to fulfil expectations that I do not achieve which I again have created.

Yes it’s so true Leigh. I am pondering your article again and remembered that I was very extremely critical of myself and lacking in confidence in my late teens and twenties. I would use sexual energy as a means to bolster my confidence, creating a yo yo effect. If I found someone I could flirt with I would feel great about myself for a short while but the doldrums were never very far away and something I would always slip back into when the flirting stopped.

Taking responsibility for my self has changed all of that. No highs or lows any more just a consistent sense of being and the self critic although still there is getting much, much weaker. Consequently flirting is no longer necessary, phew no more imposing myself, as I feel complete just being me.

Yes I totally get the no highs or lows but just being myself around men. Such an ease rather than a mess. I do sometimes feel myself getting caught up in a does he find me attractive but it is so rare now that when it does happen it’s a great point for me to remind myself of my beauty and not look for recognition. I also have a little chuckle to myself as, at the moment, I am so working on building a loving relationship with myself and that’s an interesting challenge at times.

I can definitely relate to this. This article was awesome to read as it nominated several things I have felt throughout my life but had not put words to.
That feeling of the ‘yo yo’ effect is all too familiar – seeking acceptance or recognition outside of myself as I did not feel full being me, and then feeling gross afterwards but not really knowing why. My understanding now allows me to see that if I am indeed seeking anything outside of myself for confirmation, then there is something not right. The next step is taking responsibility and making sure whatever action I do take confirms the awesomeness I am right back to me, instead of the unfulfilling cycle I have previously lived. Knowing the power to change this is in my hands has been life changing.

I totally get that Rowena, the sexual energy can be addictive as it attracts others to you but once you feel that back from them you realise its not what you want. But we don’t learn we try it again in case something better comes along, its a cycle that consumes you until you start to truly self love and express that love, then the sexual energy has no part in your life.

This is all so well observed and shared Andrew. Great points how you highlight the “addictive” aspect of sexual energy, how it never feeds back what one is actually after when engaging with such energy ( I.e self-love/love, whether this is conscious or not, which one can only unfold for themselves, others and in their lives from within), and how sexual energy can ” consume” us until we break the cycle. I can personally share too that once you start building up the love from within, nourish this love by the way you live for it to grow, the hook offered by sexual energy is absolutely tasteless (no interest whatsoever) and from there it becomes gradually easier to be aware and cut this energy altogether as soon as it may arise.

mary sanford says:October 18, 2014 at 4:52 pm

So well said Leigh, “I myself am just beginning to realise the insidiousness of this energy and how if we let it, it completely clouds the love that we are”.
I feel it’s just like that and how the ‘not good enough’ is a poison that rots everything, nothing can grow. I’m discovering that only by taking care of myself can I replace the rot within me, it feels like a long process but there’s a lot of rot to get rid of.

Dear Mary, I am beginning to feel that by simply living, being present with my body and being myself, that when an aspect of the not good enough appears I can feel it. I feel to say that it doesn’t need to be a long process. As I feel that we tend to give ourselves over to it and continue to believe this insidious lie, believing it will be long. EVERYTIME I choose to stop and connect to myself I don’t feel a spec of not good enough, so where am I when this energy has a hold of me? The choice is absolutely ours, keep believing it or simply feel it nominate it and hold strong to our love.

Mary, what a great analogy. I’m realising that not living up to what I know is potentially there for me, that’s what lets the ‘poison’ in, and the rot begins. I’ve found that loving myself – even if only a little bit – is the world’s greatest medicine.

Beautifully put, Leigh. I too am just beginning to be aware of how deep and far reaching the tentacles of ‘not good enough’ have been. It has created a false reality that I have played out rather than choosing nothing but love for myself and in my relationships. Thank you for sharing the truth with us, that if we keep connecting back to love we will expose this insidious energy.

I really enjoy reading this blog and as Amina has shared there are many discussions that can be had from it. Leigh is not writing as someone condemning sexual energy but from the openness to see what’s behind it and why we choose it. It is only through connecting to the real Love within ourselves that we can cleary see what is not from that love. The ongoing conversation on this blog from the comments show that there are many who have experienced this lack of self-worth in the form of ‘not being good enough’, me included.

When I don’t let others in, guards in my body go up like a fortress and I am hard to connect with and to understand. But this is a two way street. So important to let everyone in because then we get to see and to live the love and joy we truly are.

“Wanting to better myself” rather than being love because I never felt good enough, is the story of my life. But I am learning to trust myself and it is very liberating to live a simple and truthful life. Thank you Leigh.

There have been many great points raised, but you are so correct Leigh, what Angela shared about the ‘not being good enough’ being endemic in society is so very true. How ‘not being good enough’ manifests for us all in many different ways, I can honestly say it has filtered into my experiences with men, what I would accept or not. The tentacles do reach far and wide, it is only beginning to be more aware of myself, the quality I live in and the relationship with myself that I deepen each and every day, that helps to shift that consciousness of ‘not good enough’!!

Well said Angela – not being good enough is the seed that fuels so many behaviours that are just not true… such a shame, however, beautiful that we are beginning to come around and become wise to it. So we can call it out as not being the real us and focus on what is true and nurture it and as such, feel more than good enough!

Yes, great Angela. I love how you point out that the outplay of sexual tension is but one symptom of lack of self worth and that the key is developing self love and self awareness so that anything which does not stem from this, stands out and can be addressed.

One thing I am learning through the support of esoteric healing sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners is that the more I connect to me and express Love naturally, a Love that I know and that feels true to me, there is less allegiance with what is not loving.

Yes and not feeling good enough can also tip over into being too good. It is really an issue of comparison – with expectations, with others, any excuse to keep ourselves living a life with little highs and lows and not with the enormous potential joy and harmony we can otherwise choose.

You are absolutely right Simon, we then find ourselves on a never ending Merry-go-round. Constantly oscillating between the not good enough and the better than. Yet all of this is such a trick as it keeps us in constant comparison and doesn’t allow for us to feel how beautiful we are in our stillness. It also constantly undermines our ability to feel the quiet firm confidence that comes with allowing ourselves to be still with who we really are.

I love how you write, ‘I can feel that my relationships with men and my interaction with men and women is changing; it is becoming simple, accepting and honouring for both them and myself.’ This is very inspiring to me, the acceptance and honouring of others supports us to be more of who we are too.

So true, as we drop the need for sexual approval, our whole interaction with both genders alters. I know for myself that dropping the need for sexual attention has taken the competition out of my relationships with other women. I can now truly celebrate another woman’s beauty because I have connected to and cherish my own, without the need for outer recognition.

So true Rowena. I really love appreciating other women. When I wanted to be the most beautiful of them all I hated seeing another woman’s beauty and being reminded of my own lack of self-worth. Such comparison and competition felt awful. Appreciation of myself and other women however, feels really fun and celebratory.

Beautiful Rowena – I feel quite a lot of the competition and comparison women feel with other women can stem from a basic need to have a man and a man’s love and attention to feel okay or complete in some way. From this place of lack then another woman’s beauty, sexiness, overall attractiveness becomes a threat. Of course when we connect to and love ourselves, most if not all of this drops away.

Yes, when we no longer need a man to confirm us in some way, our relationship with both sexes becomes entirely different. How lovely to relate to men without needing them to find us sexually attractive or recognise us in some way.

I agree, my relationships with both men and women have and still are changing a lot since I have been inspired by the presentations by Serge Benhayon and then articles like these. There is always more to learn.

Wow Leigh this what you have exposed here with such clarity about a very confusing senario between men and women, you are so spot on “feeling the sexual energy and that taking ‘full responsibility’ and nominating that I felt it and choosing to stay with love. If I do fall into it, I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.” Thank you again for your clarity.

This is such a process of learning and it still is for me, every day I am confronted with scenarios where I have a choice and to be honest I don’t always choose love, however I am committed now to my love and I know that every day I do choose love more and more.

Thank you so much for writing this Leigh, I feel that you speak my language! I love what you have written here: “I can feel now that every time I found myself in a male’s company – whether it be friend, relative, acquaintance, essentially any male company – my body hardened into a protective, ‘ready to defend’ stance, and this is then how I interacted with the male. It hurts to say, but as a result of not feeling good enough I never actually saw any man as another human being, someone to simply love, but as someone who was going to in some way sexually impose on me.” I have only just started to realise that I too am different around men, and how I can have quite close relationships with women friends, but somehow keep the men at a distance, in my own protective ways. This is not only hurting myself but would affect them too.

Me too Rosie, I also have noticed a pattern of keeping men/boys at a ‘safe’ distance to protect myself from the potential of being ‘hurt’, even though by not letting them in I am hurting me, as I am not allowing myself to express absolute love no matter who I am with.

This is a great insight you share Rosie. I recognise this in myself also and have only recently become aware of the harm this causes me and the impact it has on the men I interact with too. There’s so much for me to consider here about how and why I developed this way of being.

Rosie this is something I’ve realised too – I’ve always thought about how bad it is for me to get all this unwanted attention – not once did I think about how damaging it is to the unsuspecting men…. Very irresponsible!

What you have highlighted really hit me too Rosie. There are still elements of that behaviour in my interactions with some men today, a feeling that they will expose a truth in me that I don’t want to see. I have a couple of male friends that I am completely open with, so why not all men? I definitely need to work on this one

Well ladies I guarantee we do it to. I know for a fact that I get really flustered sometimes in communicating with a girl, sometimes even with another guy…do I flirt? Am I flirting and don’t realise it? Are they flirting? Judgment, judge,met, judgement, instant close down and let my mind take over…it’s crazy. The truth is all I want to do is have a lovely conversation and move on about my day/life…why does all the nonsense come pouring in. I do know it is my judgement that takes over, judgement of them and myself. I know judgement is something I don’t want to do in my life so why then do I choose to do it? Protection? Most likely, well I know it’s actively hurting me and them so what is it protecting? Gosh we are a funny bunch hey…

Thank you Leigh for this great blog. You bring up such an important topic. I have always felt how limiting relationships were between men and women because as you describe there is always this sexual energy involved in terms of whether someone is sexually attractive or not. Always some kind of ulterior motive. How wonderful to let go and see each other simply as equal brothers and sisters and enjoy each other’s company with no expectation. This is something I am building in the relationships with both men and women in my life. It allows me to be myself and others to simply be themselves. How lovely.

I love this – “… see each other simply as equal brothers and sisters and enjoy each other’s company with no expectation.” So true and so freeing, what lighthearted and wonderful relationships and meetings then can take place. Thank you Anne-Marie, and Leigh for a great blog.

Yes, I can relate to this as well. However I realize I tried to become a neuter at some point to avoid all this tension. But that does not work either as we cannot cut of an essential part of us, it is a holding back of who we truly are and what I miss then is the intimacy with people as I keep them at a distance, men and women alike.

Wow, thank you for sharing Leigh – it is so revealing to hear that ‘it is an imposition to actively seek sexual attention from men’. I can relate to this, and in my experience I have become quite manipulative in the past when I have tried to get this type of attention.

Me too JW and I am sure that we are not alone in this behaviour. My learning through this is to not hold my actions against me, something that I have done in the past, but to simply reveal them for what they are and lovingly know that it is no longer my way of being.

Hi JW and Leigh, I feel inspired that I’m not alone in how I used to behave with men. I too used to want that type of sexual attention and then recoil when I used to get it, deeming myself as ‘not sexy enough for that kind of attention’ – which in itself sounds ridiculous! I either want it or I don’t some may say. I suppose as you started with, all I’ve really been after is a connection to other people, or perhaps just even a connection to myself…

Dear Cheryl,
I have come across your comment again today and I can feel that in reading it in the past I have skipped over it, because it was inviting me to look at the depth of connection that I have with myself and was inviting me to take this connection deeper. Thank you, I can feel in myself a new level of surrender to connecting deeper to me from re reading your comment today.

Yes JW, I have done this as well, seek sexual attention to fill the emptiness of not feeling good enough. When I realized what I am doing I started to withdraw trying to avoid to feel any kind of sexual tension – but that does not work either as I am cutting of a part of me that naturally wants to express itself – it just needs to be explored and all that is not true let go of.

I too have actively sought sexual attention from men, and I actually thought I enjoyed it, because it made me feel like I was worthy, attractive, sexy, and many other things that I didn’t feel for myself. I thought it was all about getting other people to like me. It feels really yucky looking back at the way I behaved, and even manipulated men to get attention. Sometimes, I can still feel a difference in the way that I am around men compared to women and I have to watch out to see if I’m flirting in the way I communicate. But, I am beginning to appreciate myself much more and there is less of a need for attention from others to make me feel good as I am naturally feeling beautiful, sexy and confident in myself. This appreciation for myself has been inspired and supported by Sara Williams, Natalie Benhayon and many other esoteric practitioners and students I have met through Universal Medicine.

Dear Laura, It is so lovely that you are appreciating you. Having the awareness of our patterns and choosing to love ourselves as we adjust our way of living is to be celebrated. I know for me that before I found Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, that I didn’t even know that there was a way to live that honored and respected myself and others equally. It truly is an amazing experience to now live this truth more and more each day.

I also love that you are appreciating you Laura. Great blog Leigh. Instead of playing games, all we need to be is ourselves, respecting others equally. Wish I had known this a long time ago but now I do, my life has changed, lightened up and is much more real, thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

Such a beautifully articulated blog Leigh. I really appreciate every word you have written as it explains what is really going on and our responsibility in the whole awful game we play with each other that actually separates us from each other and the truly intimate and loving relationships we know we can deeply have with each other. Thank you.

This is so true Suzanne, I spent some time last week connecting to and feeling the fact that I had not ever truly allowed myself to connect deeply to anyone. I thought that I was, but I now know that I was always holding back in some way. Feeling this certainly humbled me deeply and has allowed for me to begin to have this connection in my life. What surprised me as I felt the truth of this is how lonely I felt, and how much I had told my self that that was not true.

I like how you have used the word “game” here Suzanne. It certainly is a trick and definitely a sneaky way we can keep ourselves isolated from other people by jeopardising our relationships in this way and, as you say, prevent ourselves from the deeply loving and truly intimate relationships that we can have. It is certainly powerful to know that these are games of choice – and once we become aware of them, we no longer have to keep playing.

This is an awesome article and a great expose on how insidious this sexual energy is both in the giver and the receiver. It certainly removes love from the situation and brings connection down to a very base level. I was fortunate to go through my teenage years with a great group of fellows. I never dated any of them and they always treated me with respect and would calm their antics down whenever I came near them. In fact, even though we only meet up occasionally, they feel like family to me. I realise how blessed I’ve been having this type of relationships with most males throughout my whole life. I see them as true friends and that’s the way they see me as well.
On the other hand, I felt a bit left out when my girlfriends started dating at an earlier age than me. This was the time in my life when I noticed other groups of girls at school became a bit boy crazy and, as a group, would be flirting and doing anything to get the boys’ attention. Some boys were never part of this either and I much preferred their company. Now I know why and understand the energy that was behind it all. It’s not harmless or people just having fun and it doesn’t need to be a part of growing up either, as many people describe it. These antics didn’t interest me and I must admit I did wonder if there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want to join in, however, several years later, after a few false starts, I met a very tender and gentle man who treated me lovingly from the start and we married a few years later.
Recently I have seen the beautiful and caring relationships that young people enjoy develop into a deep and abiding love (without indulging in the behaviours the sexual energy described in this article) at Universal Medicine gatherings and seen how the joy that shines out is there for everyone they come in contact with to share. There definitely is a true way of relating with the opposite sex, both in friendship and in a life partnership, that is loving and has none of these overtones of the sexual energy this article exposes.

There is a lot said in this article and so much I can relate to, especially “It hurts to say, but as a result of not feeling good enough I never actually saw any man as another human being, someone to simply love, but as someone who was going to in some way sexually impose on me.” I think for me it was always a longing just to be met, that was what I was craving, now I have a deeper understanding of this and in the process a deeper understanding and relationship with myself and no longer look on the outside for that love or to fill an emptiness. Sexual energy in a healthy relationship can be great, but I really like what you have done here and exposed the ill sexual energy that can pervade in our lives.

I agree Vicky, there is a lot to this article, and it is very relatable. I know I have only seen men, not as human beings but as someone to fill my longing to be met. And I know that has allowed me to put up with sexual energy, I know a lot of women do, because we feel it is the only way to get attention. But what is amazingly presented hear is another way – a way I am starting to discover, that we don’t have to put up with anything we don’t feel comfortable with to get attention, if we love ourselves first. Thank you for an awesome article.

In that past I also have only seen men, not as human beings but as someone to fill my longing to be met, but as I wasn’t prepared to put up with the sexual energy I shut down from being around men altogether. It is crazy the game both sides play and yet we just want to be met for who we are with an equality. When we let our protective guards down and do truly meet the opposite gender with an open heart there is a beauty in our communication.

Hi Rachel, yes there is absolute beauty when we truly connect with people. This is such a natural way to live. In nature the connection of a bee and a flower comes to mind. Neither can complete unless the other is fully being itself. the flower needs the bee to pollinate it and the bee needs the flower to make honey. So when we be ourselves in communication with others we feel the connection and completeness in our interaction.

Ah thank you Leigh and Rachel, through this blog I can really feel how I have wanted the men in my life to fulfil my longing to be met, and how this stops me from being me and equally relating with men and women. I can feel how when I am not feeling good enough that there is that energy waiting to enter. Thank you Leigh, your blog really does highlight how not feeling good enough allows energy that doesn’t belong to enter, that then clouds the real person and their expression of their beautiful essence.

Vicky and Rebecca it really is so clear to me now how I used men in a desperate attempt to feel good about myself. I had an inkling at the time that I was using men for this reason, I can even remember saying to one guy ‘does it matter that it’s me or would anyone do?’. Of course he replied that I was important and I ignored the nagging feeling that I had and accepted his answer, knowing deep down that we were both using each other.

Using another for our own gains is unfortunately what we are taught to do from a young age, it is quite revealing when we begin to feel the true harm of living this way. It takes a very true deep commitment to living from our own love to heal the many ways that we do this in our lives. Thank you for your comment, I have a day ahead where I have done this much with the people I will be spending the day with. To be able to step into today with the absolute commitment to live my love instead of the wanting to please to fit in is truly a gift of gigantic proportions.

I feel to add here that yesterday I was simply myself and tender and loving in the way I was with my body and I had a magnificent day. None of the old needs, wants, desires, control issues were present with my interactions with the people I was with. Yesterday has highlighted to me that to truly live love, loving self must be real and present first.

Hi Leigh, what a great article! So open and honest. Everyone can learn a lot from your words. It is a subject that should be more out in the open and the energy behind sexual energy exposed. The scenarios that you talk about are so common place in our lives and they would be a lot easier to deal with if more people had the opportunity to read this blog. Thanks for this.

I agree Kevin, by Leigh writing so openly and honestly about sexual energy, it is exposing how we can fall for it if we feel we are not good enough, and then use it as a form of recognition that we are some how good enough. Sexual energy is everywhere, in magazines on billboards on TV ads, Films, giving the impression that sexual tension or even so called innocent flirting is ok and an acceptable form of behaviour. If we openly talk about how sexual energy really makes us feel, then we will see how imposing it really is and that it is not part of a true and loving relationship.

So true Alison and Kevin, it would really serve us all if this energy and its impact on us was more openly discussed, so we would all know its insedious nature and could choose whether we played the game or not, rather than it being just the expected ‘norm’ without anyone even questioning it. This blog and these comments and discussions are a great start.

Gosh… what you have shared is right Alison… Sexual energy is everywhere, in magazines, on billboards, on TV ads and films; giving the impression that sexual tension or even so called innocent flirting is ok and an acceptable form of behaviour. In my teens and in my twenties I thought that there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want to flirt or feel comfortable flirting and I thought that must make me inadequate in some way. Actually I can now appreciate that I could feel the falseness in this way of communicating and didn’t want to share in it. We look at the greater portion of society and the way they behave as the given norm. It never occurred to me to question the behaviour of the majority, only that I didn’t fit in. But what if the majority haven’t quite got it right? This blog is great in exposing the games we all play.

Hi Kevin, thats a great point, Leigh is doing a great service in bringing this topic out into the open. My experience of relationships has always been as if two people are wearing masks and not revealing too much about themselves. It can feel more like a game than a true connection. I see my responsibility is to be more open and allow the other person to feel that openness. The more honesty I can bring, the less the possibility that harming sexual energy will be at play.

I agree Kevin, it is great that Leigh has opened up this debate. Her blog has certainly given me a lot to ponder on. It made me realise I haven’t really thought about this stuff before which makes me think that perhaps this topic is so closed that we don’t even ‘talk’ about it to ourselves.

Yes Kevin, I feel strongly that topic of sexual energy needs to become part of everyday conversation. I have already learned much about myself and felt my issues with this change just by reading different articles on it… and being able to say “I have felt that too” and “I have fallen into those choices also” and then feeling more clear to make a different choice going forward.

Hi Kevin, Writing this blog has certainly been a very healing experience for me and now as I see and feel the responses from others it is also very humbling. I am realising just how much I and all others have to share with the world and how much I have let the ‘not good enough’ energy hold me back from doing this more.

I agree Kevin, I don’t think there are many women that have not at some stage been aware of sexual energy even if not overtly displayed. It would be great to have more discussions openly talking about this.

Great words of your journey to be yourself. On my morning commute on the train there is not a day that goes by that there is not a woman painting her face. When she is finished it looks nice but she has just covered up the beautiful person she started with. At times it feels like the flame and the moth.

Hi Steve,
How different it could feel if the woman putting make-up on her face actually loved who she was before she began, if the reason for putting on make up was not to cover up, but to support the love she feels inside. Then maybe it would feel like the flame and the butterfly.

Very beautiful. How awesome it would be if all of us did things, put on make up, put on our clothes, how we act, what we say, everything we engaged in was done “in love and celebration” of ourself and our relationship with one another, instead of it being part of the games we play.

Amazing Leigh. I recognise every word. This has been my experience too. I used to think it was just men objectifying me, but I now realise I used to objectify them too. Awful! And yes it feels totally amazing to begin to experience relationships with men without this sexual energy present, relating as equals without all the pressure or expectation, and a wonderful sense of equality.

It certainly does feel wonderful Rebecca, something else that I am noticing that I am feeling when I am relating with my love is that I feel safe. I feel safe to express and this in itself is a miracle.

Thank you, Leigh, your article has helped me to reflect on my own life and attitudes to men: I gave my power away to men, always feeling ‘not good enough’ and when a man found me sexually attractive, and I liked him, I would have no hesitation in allowing the relationship to move into a sexual one, and would enjoy those moment of power when I felt I was the one in charge. Conversely, if I didn’t like him, I would back away because it felt sleazy, but would blame myself for attracting that behaviour in the first place. Now, as I meet more and more truly gentle men, who appreciate me simply for being who I am, I am beginning, albeit slowly, to change my attitudes towards men and about myself, to accept that we are all equal, and that there is no need to judge, impose or try anything.

Hi Carmel,
I hear you, boy how much I have judged, simply because I felt uncomfortable or unsure. I know that I judged to stop myself from feeling these feelings and to make it out to be the other person with the problem, instead of simply feeling why I was feeling unsure. I am exploring this more and more and it is constantly surprising me as to how much I have given over to this, and now how much more I am able to lovingly express if I simply stay present.

The point you make that you get the attention you want and then only to feel dirty etc because of the energy inside is really important. There are so many ways we are not supported as children to be in our glory and express from and in it but to cheapen or denigrate what is beautiful about us. What you express, Leigh, we can apply to all areas where we put ourselves down.

Hi Jonathan, that is a really valid point that this can be said in many different areas and aspects of our lives – how we are not clear with what is going on or even do not express if we dont like something or it does not feel right to another.

Hi Jonathan, thank you and yes we most definitely can apply this to all areas. It is truly surprising me, as I have said before just how insidious the not good enough energy is and it is most important to hold strong to our love as we go through the process of healing this energy,

The openness and honesty of this article is very refreshing. It encourages me to look at an aspect of myself, the not being good enough, and consider whether the sexual tension with men may have been a factor. I am aware that in my late teens and 20s it certainly was a factor, but in accepting myself as the woman I am now, I enjoy loving friendships with men and women. Life is much richer.

I am glad that what I have written has given you an opportunity to look at a part of your life. I myself am only just beginning to understand how important it is to love everything that I have lived, as it is only through love that I have been able to release what I had been using to hold myself back. If I let it I can use a multitude of experiences tell me that I am not good enough and continue to live believing this and so the whole insidious circle begins again. However If I feel something and am able not to react, but simply observe what I am feeling and hold strong to my love the feeling soon dissipates. If I react and think about it and allow my past way of living to be the gauge for the current experience I straight away feel myself judging myself as not being good enough. I am beginning to way prefer living with love and acceptance.

Its very thought provoking Leigh. I remember as a teenager doing exactly what you describe – the judgement of women based on their attractiveness coupled with a deep insecurity about how I was being judged at the same time – which all meant that no one was really meeting anyone for real.
My defence mechanism for all of this was to establish long term relationships with women early on regardless of whether there was love there or not. It was effective as it took me out of the game and I found there was then less mistrust on both sides. However it did not truly resolve things as once the relationship ended the whole scenario would play out again.

Dear Simon, how wonderful that you can see your pattern so clearly. I am sure that simply seeing this has allowed you to create relationships now that are more loving and supportive for both you and the other people in your life.

Thanks Leigh, I can relate to everything you have written and it is great to shed some light on this often hidden topic. I remember for years having those same feelings but I was too ashamed to talk about it. I also had a mistrust of men and I feel this is due to spending a lot of time around my fathers drinking buddies when I was young; I remember feeling that sexual energy, comments and leering.

I can also relate to the being not worthy and using sexual energy to get what I want, but these days I am feeling more equal and enjoy a different relationship with men.

Dear Julie, What you have shared here has actually opened an old wound of mine and I didn’t realise until now, reading your comment how much of my experience has affected me. Especially the fact that it has been a trigger to put myself down, to believe that I am not good enough. I thank you deeply for sharing your experiences. Reading your comment has allowed a much deeper healing for me. Thank you.

You’re right Julie; consumption of alcohol or being ‘drunk’ can often go hand in hand with sexual energy, assault and leering. Studies show that in 1 in 3 sexual assault cases the perpetrator was intoxicated. ONE IN THREE. This is shocking.

Thank you for shining a light on the sexual nature of so many of the interactions between men and women. I can feel how in the past I have gone into many interactions with women bringing an undercurrent of sexual energy. I can recall having a bit of an ‘ah-ha!’ moment with a girlfriend when I realised that nearly every time I even touched her there was a sexual intent or expectation behind it, instead of a connection with someone I loved. We have at this point in time got some serious societal issues around the objectification of both men and women, and it would be easy to point the finger at television and advertising as being the culprits behind the over sexualisation of our interactions today. While they definitely do play a large part in how people see one another, it is too easy to just say that it is all the media’s fault or all pornography’s fault. These are just things, and as things can’t really take the blame or hold responsibility for the ways we choose to treat one another. The responsibility lies with us and how we choose to treat one another, whether we decide to see another as a person who is deserving of being treated with respect, care and love, or do we see them as something there for our own personal gratification, to own or ogle? What you have exposed here, Leigh, is huge. Awesome!

Dear Naren, You have just taken my blog to another level, thank you, when you say that the responsibility lies with us and how we choose to live with love and respect for all (including ourselves) or not. This is so completely true, thank you for taking this conversation deeper and for outing again that we are all responsible for what we choose.

Great comments Naren, like most things in life its very easy to pass the blame, in this case TV, media, pornography etc, but it is still our choice how we treat another. As always it comes down to whether we are prepared to take full responsibility or making it someone else’s issue.

It’s true Naren, we know when we are manipulating someone for what ever reason and that we can choose to or not. There is also a point when the other person senses they are being used and decides to go along with it for their own reasons. The games we play!

This is an amazing article Leigh thank you – and I love what you have added Naren. This is a huge topic, and I feel that underneath almost all interactions between men and women is a sexual undertone, it is inspiring how clearly you have seen this and chosen something different for yourself. I agree that we have a responsibility to treat both ourselves and everyone else with love, respect, and care, rather than use them for personal gratification or to cover and fill holes in ourselves, because we have not first taken the responsibility to deeply care and honour ourselves and to take responsibility in our actions.

So true Naran, we have chosen it for ourselves and it is not something that is forced upon us. It is everywhere around because we choose to not stop it. When we are able to become honest about the fact that we allow for it from our own emptiness, we can start to stop it by building on the fullness of ourselves.

Amazing Leigh, its so true, so many of our relationships are established on sexual energy and I know for one that throughout my 20’s and 30’s it formed a strong barometer in my friendships with men. I used it to give myself value and more disappointingly, to measure myself against other women. How amazing now to be seeing and recognising it for what it truly is, an imposing energy that turns people into objects and how with this awareness, we can alter the basis of our relationships. What a relief to no longer measure self worth, friendships and the value of another person through this insidious veil.

Thank you for sharing Leigh. People often shy away from talking about this yet it is soo prevalent in society. The games men and women play with each other are abusive, even though many shrug them off as being ‘normal’ and ‘ok’, they should not be accepted.

Hi James,
Yes we do play an insidious game and yes it is an abuse. What I find inspiring is that there are now hundreds if not thousands of people that no longer say yes to this abuse, but are actively choosing a more loving way to interact and connect with people, you being one of these people.

Great blog Leigh, I agree with Kevin that the energies you mention are very prevalent in our society and on the most part quite insidious. Having articles like this one will bring this subject to the fore and present an opportunity for men and women to look at how they interact with each other.

Leigh, great blog and you have really exposed how we allow ill sexual energy to colour relationships with each other as men and women. I relate to what you say about putting on a protective shell around men, I’ve done that and of course in doing so I’ve cut myself off and shut them out. I had not been seeing them as fellow human beings and allowing myself to feel and share the loveliness that could exist between us, and it’s (that protective shell) not needed as you shared. I can feel how I want to look more deeply at how I relate to men and the ideas I’ve allowed which can hamper this – more to explore.

Dear Monica, You are so spot on when you talk about the protective shell that we carry around with us. However, as I am finding more and more, this shell does not actually protect at all. It first and foremost doesn’t allow me to be me. When I am feeling withdrawn and sensitive to the world around me I have been prone to put up my protective shell. When I do this, I find that I am always ahead of myself; planning on how I will be in what is coming. How can this in any way support me living my love? When I simply stop, connect and then go on I feel that I have everything that I will ever need, always. I don’t need to be ahead of me wanting to control situations, but know deeply that whatever is presented, that I can deal with it.

Hi Leigh, I love this response. Very true. The protective shell is also something I have used many, many times…and it is really painful, as it hurts me deeply to feel that something is holding me back from expressing naturally, from flowing joyfully as I know myself to be. On the other hand if I push down how this truly hurts, then I would get trapped in a more superficial level of it, where my arrogance, need for recognition and egocentrism lie…and here everything becomes very messy, as I would come up with solutions and quick fixes on how to become more outgoing, create situations where I can test myself and my ability to connect to others successfully, attract attention, sometimes sexual attention, all of which would confirm my charm and give some meaning to my presence. Oh! So empty! however I can now see the hurt and mostly feel it, and I know it is something I have the power to heal with the deepness of my wisdom, the purity of my heart and my amazing willingness to honour my deep beauty and delicateness. And what happens with the shell? Well….. it is still there on many occasion, but I am now much more gentle with how I relate to this automatic mechanism, there isn´t a quick fix for it, and for getting rid of it (really bad news for the spirit)….it is in some cases (like mine) a slow process of dissolving….. but a definite one and quite powerful. Thanks Leigh and Monica for expanding a bit on this thing of the protective shell!

Dear Luz,
Thank you for sharing your experience with your protective shell. ALL of it resonates with me. But how so true, it is a process “a definite one and quite powerful”. This is expressed so beautifully. As it so resonates the commitment that we have in healing this part of ourselves.

Such an honest article and it brings back a lot of what I felt as a man when I was a teenager. The debasing energy that you reveal is an issue that needs to be discussed more openly so that both males and females can understand what can lie in their relationships with others and “move to choose not to be part of it” as you so beautifully say.

Hi Michael, The more open we are with ourselves the more issues like this one will be revealed and talked about. It is up to us all to reveal them and discuss them when they arise. When we do this we offer an opportunity of healing for all.

What a great article to share Leigh – so honest and much needed. I know this sexual energy so well. When I was young and became aware that guys where interested in me sexually it made me feel needed and wanted. It gave me a feeling of power albeit briefly. Of course the sad undercurrent of this was that I never felt good enough and this was a desperate way to gain some attention to fill the huge void I felt. When I realised I had something that guys wanted then I made full use of it. It saddens me still to feel the depth of my self loathing that I would treat myself and others in this way. In recent years I have felt my true Self-worth and am re-claiming the Love that I am which has brought awareness and healing. I know that this was/is a very manipulative energy that I let and I too take responsibility for that. For me, nominating this behaviour and how it’s affected me and others has been the way forward. I now choose appreciation which is totally awesome!

Dear Heather, It is a huge step going from what you experienced in your teens to living the beautiful woman you are now. Something that I know I don’t do enough for me, but I am today… is truly appreciating where I have come from and where I am today…. this is to be celebrated.

Heather this is what I did too. I made full use of this power to get what I needed. Recently I have allowed myself to nominate, feel and admit the extent of the manipulation. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted to admit this and it has opened the way for deeper levels of healing. It has been very freeing.

Hello Leigh, Thank you for bringing light to the subject of sexual energy , an area which some of us may be hesitant to go to. Also thank you for highlighting the connection between sexual energy and the feeling of not being good enough. There is much here to ponder on.

Hi Elizabeth,
Each day I am discovering yet another aspect of my life that the not good enough has infiltrated.. Sneaky Vegemite it is. But as I live and reveal it more, I can truly feel that my love is far grander.

Thank you Leigh for the honesty with which you share and I can so relate to not feeling good enough and how that governed my behaviour. I have just come back from a singing and expression retreat run by Chris James from Sounds Wonderful where the equality between the male and female participants was so palpable and lovely to feel. The beauty of being with a group of men and women without comparison was so healing and supportive for me and has changed my outlook on all relationships.

Hi Helen, feeling the equality you describe certainly does reveal much about how many live today and don’t choose it. Having felt it and lived it, you can now bring it into your life. For me, the more I bring equality the more open I am and the more comfortable others are with me.

Thank you Leigh for a great article on this subject that is still so taboo in some cultures. It exposes the way the sexual energy has affected us in our relationships with men and I can certainly relate to this in my life. I am only just learning how to be around men, seeing them for the gorgeous tender people they are, without any sexual energy, behaviour, or attachment of any kind.

Hi Gill, I cannot begin to imagine how in many cultures sexual energy has been used to control and harm women; and how this must feel for the women living with this level of abuse around them. I can simply know that by all of us having the conversation that has been inspired by my blog that we are creating a footprint for all to feel.

Lovely blog Leigh and it’s very cool (by reading the comments) you have almost written a response to the other writers call…very beautiful. What stands out for me is how open you are and through your commitment have been able to achieve this level of awareness. It’s truly inspirational.

I agree Phil. It’s so stunning. And it’s amazing as a man to read this. The space and clarity and grace that this brings is very special. And what I can really feel is that by you (Leigh) taking full responsibility for your part it actually inspires the other to do the same. Because, in truth, we all want to, we all know the game we are playing and we are all desperate to take off these masks and reveal the true tenderness and gorgeousness that is innate in all of us. I know I am! And what I love about what you are doing is that I can actually feel the pull, I can feel the invitation, I can feel the open door and the ultra accepting “Welcome” mat on the threshold. So you are not just healing your own path, you are actively and very powerfully inviting others to do the same. Pretty cool.

Very true. An awesome beautiful and deep response Otto to Leigh’s truly amazing honest and open blog, on a topic which is so much needed to heal and be cleared so we can relate again in true and pure innocence like we did as little children. Where there was no notion of separation between boys and girls – just beautiFul beings meeting each other truly, playing together and enjoying each others company.

Hear hear Sarah and Otto, very cool and beautifully expressed. Only yesterday I saw two little 3 year olds, a boy and girl naturally reaching for each other and holding hands as they played and the innocence, joy and connection they were emanating was gorgeous. By letting down any guard I’ve had or wanting anything from another and just being me in full and meeting another there, I have been experiencing natural and joyful connections with men for the first time and it’s beautiful. An inspiring read Leigh thank you.

What a blog, seriously. I have been waiting for one like this for a long time and you have really nailed it with this one. What a healing, I almost felt a sense of joy in reading this because it made me think well yeah you can be friends with males and not let it go any less than just love. You’ve really aced it with this one.

This blog is a great eye opener – and heart opener too! because I have just realised that I always chose to surround myself with women most of my life. I thought I just preferred women to men, I could relate better etc, but I now realise what was underneath was a constant feeling of ‘not good enough’ and I held men at a distance because of this….in case I got hurt. ouch. The truth is I kept everyone out including myself because of this lack of self worth. I now live with two boys who are growing into loving and tender young men. What a gift that I can start to see and appreciate them for who they are and not choose to come from this place of hurt.

I can relate to what you have said Susan…. “I always chose to surround myself with women most of my life. I thought I just preferred women to men, I could relate better etc. but I now realise what was underneath was a constant feeling of ‘not good enough’ and I held men at a distance because of this….in case I got hurt. ouch.”
Gosh.. could this be in myself, with what I was really avoiding and why I didn’t want to play the game? In my earlier comments I mentioned that I avoided men because I hated the sexual energy and the whole flirting thing… it felt so horrible. This is true, but underneath that, from your words, I can also feel myself not warning to get involved to protect myself, so that I wouldn’t get hurt… it is a good realisation to have.

What inspires me about this blog is the level of responsibility that you are taking (irrespective of whether it is to do with sexual energy or the zillion other things at play in our lives). The dedication and commitment to take your responsibility for your part in this is amazing. That is such a beacon for the whole of humanity.

What a great blog about something we have all encountered in our lives both men and women. I agree with the other comments that this topic should be discussed more often and more widely. I love the way you described how sexual energy works both ways. Basically it feels like a battle for control and a game that we all play to pretend we are having relationships but really there is little true connection or equality. I also appreciated the simple way you have developed a way to end this game, by taking responsibility just to be yourself in all of your relationships.

Thank you Andrew, yes this subject should be discussed more. I guess that is up to all of us to not shy away when the moment is presented in our lives this will bring more love to all of our relationships. Not just our close intimate ones.

Taking responsibility and just being ourselves in all that we do is a great way to end any games we can be tempted to play. It also presents the opportunity for any one else around you to make the same choice.

Wow Leigh, amazing article, thank you for writing this. I have felt this sexual energy with male friends too and it’s great that you write about this because it makes me aware that I thought that would always be there and that it wasn’t possible to have friendships with men without it. It’s great for me to take responsibility for my part in this, it feels very inspiring that ‘you now feel an equality’ and that you can now enjoy ‘the company of people, both males and females.’

Leigh, so great to expose, examine and discuss what has been going on between men and women, probably for ever. When you open the lid of the box, you can feel immediately how ugly it all is and needlessly ugly at that. The false faces we wear, the sexual energy we put out or play ball with, the control and manipulation both sexes use, it all ensures that true love and equality can not be present.

It does Doug if we give in to this energy. But when we truly respect and love ourselves and others true love does present. It honestly is amazing me how when I be loving that my conversations are becoming more real and open. This is such a miracle.

Your blog has been a real expose for me and the way I have interacted with men and like others have commented I can feel that my interactions were all coming from a place of ‘not being good enough’ and not a place where I was expressing truly and allowing others to see and feel that.
I can remember being aware that I found it difficult to build a true friendship with a man and then accepted that as the way it was without feeling into whether I may be able to change that by my approach – I became a powerless victim of how I felt the world was set up to be – and yet, there was also a little glimmer within, that would tell me that it would be so simple to change all of this. It is so awesome to have now found a way to build on this little glimmer and to make it into something that is becoming grand and glorious.

Wow, what clarity. Mad how we seek something and then when we actually get it we run a mile. I feel this holds true for many situations, but this one’s a biggy and one which runs prevalent through so many of us until we really feel that we need not look for anything outside of ourselves.

Leigh, I absolutely felt all that same stuff only instead of running from men I tended to give up… give myself up to them, which perpetuated the feeling ‘not good enough’ cycle big time! I find it very healing to read your article because every time something helps me look deeper into my patterns with men I have been able to let go of more that kept that old way going. I am finding it much easier to feel that I am enough and I don’t need anyone to “prove” it to me.

How beautiful Jo. Something I felt recently for myself is how powerless I feel when I am constantly looking for confirmation outside of myself. A great awareness for me and very profound to feel. A very humbling experience, as it revealed to me how truly powerful I am. Something that I am beginning to tenderly and lovingly claim.

Leigh, I had the exact same realisation recently, when I discovered I was still looking outside of myself (needing approval/attention) and that it was crippling me and my relationship. Like you said, it was very humbling AND showed me the other choice I can make to be in my power and feel/claim the love I am. Just seeing my neediness with honesty, has lifted an all encompassing weight off that I have carried for 30 years!

Such truth in your blog about what lies behind sexual undertones. Not feeling good enough sure has a lot to answer for in the way we establish relationships – with both males and females. So it’s great to read how you now have more equality and true tenderness with people just from a position of accepting and honouring all you truly are. So powerful.

Leigh, as men we have all looked at women in sexual ways. Your article is a real eye opener on how we used to perceive the opposite sex. How would we as men feel if other men looked at our daughters in the ways we have done in the past.

Hi Mike, it is not only men who have done this. Have you ever sat in on an all girls conversation and heard how much some women objectify men? I feel it is important to understand that both genders are equally responsible for how we have “seen” the opposite sex and therefore equally responsible for bringing love into all of our relationships. I know as a mother that when I have felt a man look at my daughters in a sexual or degrading way that it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Thank you Leigh for these insights into the games we play with each other in relationships and all to cover up our feelings of lack. I can relate to what has been shared and what is concerning to see, at times, is how early in children these ways of manipulation are displayed.

Hi Julie, Yes we do learn these behaviors early. However any children that are around us will get to feel that there is another way and then they have the most loving gift – they have a real choice. Thank you goes to Serge Benhayon for giving us this same gift; and most importantly thanks goes to US for the choices we have made to live our lives with our love.

This is a blog I am going to read again and again and the comments. Angela’s comment took it to a whole other level with the pidemic of ‘not feeling good enough’. It is as you say insidious and the tendrils are far and wide reaching, once we allow ourselves to surrender more to being the love we are the more we see how we have lived less than this open loving simplicity.

Such a great Blog bringing up the games we all play in relationships and just meetings with others and the underlying issue of us not feeling good enough under it all. Important to see as it explains so much and opens up a new way of being from honesty, simplicity and loving with ourselves first and hence then with others. Bring ourselves back to the love we are and cherishing and appreciating that. Thank you Leigh

That is an eye-opener for me about my own life and my unconscious motivations, but now in my post menopausal years, and having gone through a period of no sexual energy at all, as something inside me starts to stir and rise again I am becoming aware of the difference between the sexual energy that arises when we choose to feel not good enough and seek for affirmation of ourselves, and the sexual energy that grows from within, when we open up to another from a place of deep shared intimacy and is expressed truly from Love. And it doesn’t feel the same at all, in fact, at first I didn’t recognise it!

What a great blog! This is an amazing expression, and one that resonates with me very much as something I too have felt into and realised the games being played on both sides, taking responsibility for all my actions. And yes, it extends into many other expressions and games as well. Very well said Leigh.

Thank you Shirley-Ann,
I must say that I am being humbled constantly by the insidiousness of the ‘not good enough’ energy, it is soo sneaky, and sometimes I don’t discern it straight away. Now though, having made the commitment to my love and being present in my body helps me to discern this energy more clearly. This also enables me to call it out and continue to choose my love, not fall into it like I used to.

Thank you Oliver, and for Men, I am sure that both genders lose themselves because of others. Sometimes I have done exactly this before I have realised it, what I am beginning to appreciate though is that when I do realise what I have done, my love is still inside, no matter what, and it is such a simple choice to choose it again.

I love your article Leigh, because it calls to the fore a behaviour that almost everyone experiences and has at times perhaps put out themselves, but isn’t often talked about. I had an experience the other day where a guy that was at least 30 years older than me, kept asking me out and not taking no for an answer, making me feel very uncomfortable. A part of me wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be flattered for the attention, even when the energy he was talking to me in made my skin crawl and I felt unsafe? I was trying to be polite instead of standing my ground and saying no, but reading your blog has helped me to expose the energy I was feeling and know its okay to put a stop to it.

Rebecca I find it so beautiful that you felt this, and knew it for what it was. I myself am at the very beginning of unravelling the needing to be nice/polite energy. So I fully understand where you were at. Having felt so clearly though what was coming towards you is such an awesome understanding.

Leigh you have so succinctly expressed how I have interacted with men most of my life – and comparing myself to women as in who’s the most attractive! I used to ‘court’ sexual energy from others as a way of saying I’m good enough and then find myself feeling dirty from not just letting that energy in but also knowing this isn’t the way!

I’d then go into self-hatred or blame the men – both so completely dishonouring of all parties. Because I was so disconnected I thought of a solution – avoid sexual energy by trying to make myself as masculine as possible by wearing huge clothes and being very male. And all the time wanting my natural beauty to be seen.

Now I’m discovering I’m lovely naturally, I no longer feel to court such energy or be intimidated by it. It is an old habit so I am aware of how I am around it but it seems to just not be so present in my life anymore. If I do find myself going there though, even for a second I’ll pull myself back and choose to come back to me. It is a barrier to real intimacy with both my connection to self and others. Thank you so much for such an honest blog about what often goes on between men and women and gets in the way of true relationships.

Hi Karin, I know exactly what you mean when you talk about dressing like a man, I too did this especially in my teen years – seeking my Dads attention, wanting to be one of the boys. I then married and had children, then for many years I dressed as a Mum, tidy but in no way to show that I was a beautiful woman. The message in my way of dress was more to prove that I was a good Mum. There is much to ponder on in how we dress and why. Thank you for opening up this conversation, I can feel that there is much here for me to explore. It really is very exposing how we use the way we dress to express, instead of simply talking about how we are feeling.

I was just remembering as I read these last two comments how I used to wear tshirts when I was breastfeeding as it was much easier and I couldn’t understand why some other women would wear clothes that were not functional for breast feeding. This makes me smile now as I can see how I was caught in a role and was viewing the world from its coloured lenses. I look back at photos of my early 30s when I had just had my daughter, and am amazed at how masculine many of my photos are. The lack of care and attention that I gave myself is part of the “not good enough” issue. I poured all of my hope of feeling good about myself into my baby girl. How imposing to want to gain it through another. Luckily with the support of Universal Medicine I have found that pouring lots of love my way, builds such a beautiful foundation of love for me, that shines out to embrace everyone.

Dear Rachel,
You have reminded of an experience that I had shortly after giving birth to my eldest daughter. At that time I was very slim, the slimmest I had been, ever and I decided to wear a short skirt and lovely pink top when I took my daughter to her first weigh in at the clinic, about a month after she was born. Admittedly I did want to show of how good I looked.. However, that day I felt so judged by everyone, that for many many years I wore clothes that hid my body. It is only now, as I develop my and deepen my relationship with me, that I dress how I feel to. As a beautiful woman. Wow, what an impact 1 experience can have on us.

This is a truly amazing article Leigh, it really exposes how simple and necessary it is to take responsibility of how we are in the world both Men & Women and how unnecessary it is to allow the act of sexual energy in the first place. Working on self-worth as a women is by far a fundamental part of our foundation.

Hi Amina, as we expose our many and varied patterns, we really simply can and do halt them in their tracks, not by working towards or on anything ( this is an awareness that is new to me, so I am still exploring it) but what I am discovering is to really put a stop to something that is no longer working for me, it is about being gentle and tenderly loving myself, accepting myself in full and living my day.

I can really relate to what you’ve shared in this blog. In many of my relationships with men (close, work, friends, neighbors etc) I would feel on edge and very cagey, if I showed any positive or even friendly emotions that may snowball into an unwanted situation. Completely closing myself down to them and to myself in the process, heavily judging them as only wanting to interact with me in that way – ignoring of how they actually thought or felt about me sexually or not. I feel that this has been a way I have allowed myself to remain like a little girl as well rather than the woman I am. Women are strong and power-full and equal to men on a level of being love.

Dear Leigh, As I read your comment just now I got this feeling of how horrible it must feel for a man, especially if they are genuinely being themselves and feeling to connect with us, when we shut down and pull away. In a sense we then completely reject a true man. Wow. I had never before felt this nor had I even thought it. Thank you deeply for your sharing.

Dear Leigh and Leigh. Yes, I am realising how there may have been many times I have rejected men when they are being their true selves – but I wouldn’t have even known about it as I was so caught up in projecting my versions of what their motivations were onto them or trying to entice them into a game they wanted no part of. And if they did play the game I would then lambast them for doing so. Crazy, crazy!

It is crazy to believe that our own personal little picture of what another’s intentions may be is the truth and nothing but the truth without actually questioning or feeling it. From experience, meeting some truly Gentle-men the belief that ‘every.single.man is only interested in one part of me’ is utter rubbish so why hold onto that belief when I have a real, lived experience of the complete opposite?

How so true Rachel, a lesson to all of us to be present in every situation and to feel truthfully what is there to feel. I have often wondered how much I may have missed feeling true love from others when I have been trapped in the not good enough, with my thoughts constantly focused in me and the trying. Ewee.. Much I feel I missed. Ah well not now. I too have met some beautiful men and women and in meeting them have felt true love. This is not ever to be missed again, it feels too yummy.

Janet says:September 21, 2014 at 4:21 am

Wow Leigh, thank you for bringing this out in the open. I can relate so much to playing games with men and using sexual energy as the ‘currency’ that social activity was based on. It is important to admit that it is something that men and women both do, and to take responsibility for it in ourselves.

It certainly is important to take responsibility Janet, I feel though it is equally important to do this gently, honoring that we were not fully with ourselves when we did play the game, and equally honoring that we can now see it for what it is and that it is a game that we no longer choose to play. In so doing we take the pressure of ourselves for what we have done and enjoy where we are now. This I am beginning to know as the absolute truth.

A great blog Leigh, and a topic so needed to be brought out into the open and discussed with the truth, as is happening here in the follow on comments. Also Leigh, I really liked your follow on comment where you say, “feeling ‘not good enough’ kept me,’only wanting to better myself, not actually truly wanting to be love, even though I thought that I was doing this. I can now truly say that it is only through connecting to my love I am beginning to expose this energy, and might I say I am shocked at how deep and far reaching the tentacles of it are, how much of my life that it has affected.” This is spot on with how this energy affects us, it is really horrible, I can definitely relate to having been trapped by it in the past. It is essential to take responsibility and to stay being love as you are.

I agree with you Lorraine, that is a powerful comment by Leigh. The truth of it can be seen by the responses this blog has generated. The simple answer is ‘Taking Full Responsibility and Choosing Love’

Hi Lorraine, it so is. I had an experience yesterday where I did not fully claim my amazingness and I realised it and since have pondered on doing this. What I have come to realise is that when I don’t claim this, that the other person that was in that exchange with me can not in full claim theirs and that even though the moment was amazing, if I don’t hold it then the fullness that may expand from that moment cannot happen.

Thanks Leigh, as someone who used “sexual energy” as a part of everyday life to get what I wanted and to be liked by women its not very nice to see how it really comes across. I also get from your blog that in some cases it may appear better than no attention and so its accepted even though its not truly wanted. As a man I have also had this on the receiving end and accepted it as better than nothing at all.

I feel David that understanding why we have done these things is so important, for each of us. For with the understanding and love we then begin to truly let go of an old way of being and naturally begin to live in a much more tender graceful way. I am right now beginning to understand much about a pattern that has been doggedly persistent in my life, and while I hold myself back with what I have done in this pattern, invariably I repeatedly do the same thing.. Mm. But the moment I choose to be in my love, I understand this and feel my strength and I know that my next step is different to the old way of being.

Wow I have never ever thought about this but feel you just described me perfectly! How revealing! I’m a bit shell-shocked to realise this about myself…. It does however explain a lot… Thanks Leigh I shall ponder on this!

Hi Rachel, yes it is a bit shocking when we see something that reveals to us how we have been living, and in a way that hurts us and others. I know this, however in my experience it is not until I fully claim that what I am doing is hurtful, that I can begin to adust how I live.

Like many I have had first hand experience in feeling the detrimental effects of sexual energy. In the past when another has presented sexual energy to me I have had differing emotions from disgust to feelings of being flattered and wanting more.
I realise now that when I am not feeling enough I crave any attention good or bad. Sexual energy can be quite raw and animalistic it is always needy and never satisfied. On the other hand making love is a confirmation of who I am, it never leaves me in a desperation of wanting more it just confirms who I am, leaving me to express in a way that is truth full rather than a way that is laced with a need to get something back.

Beautifully expressed Samantha, I love the way you have described the two states — the not feeling enough that leads to raw, animalistic ultimately unsatisfying sex, and the feeling complete that unfolds naturally into making love. Once we have experienced making love it is so much easier to recognise the “just sex” and to feel what is going on and so be able to make a choice to say no to it. So it is possible we can build our new foundation of making love from loving ourselves.

Thank you, Samantha. It is quite incredible that as women we can and have craved that raw animalistic energy just because it is some sort of attention. ‘Not feeling enough’ is an important topic to bring out in the open and start discussing more to bring further awareness about our behaviours, as this blog has done.

Very true Janet, it is such an important subject in a world that glorifies sex, and where women are craving so much for attention they will put up with anything and invite anything. I know this because I have done it. It’s important to bring it out into the open so that people know there is another way.

Well said Samantha. On the topic of sex vs making love, I used to wonder why so many women, myself included, would cry after sex? It is such a common thing that there is a phrase for it in french – they call it “poste animal triste”…it’s interesting. Now it is so clear to me that even with “tender sex” the true connection and Love is missing, it is animal, physical based without honoring the so-much-more that we are. I could NEVER go back.

Hi Leigh, I could really relate to your words, how I have used sexual energy in the past and yes ‘not being good enough’ would have played a large part in that and the ‘some attention is better than no attention’. Wow – how revealing that probably most of us are using or have used this behaviour pattern. A complete contrast to being the love you truly are and sharing/making love from that feeling which never leaves you or others feeling anything other than beauty-full.

Thank you for sharing this Leigh. I can really relate to what you are saying here. For me, I knew how to manipulate men and get attention based on what I looked like, it left me totally empty and questioning my self worth because I relied on that to make me feel good about myself. I’m very aware of the games now, and for the first time, what my responsibility is – rather than just blaming it on men. It made me realise that putting my own self worth in the hands of other people is not the way to increase it and this is something I know I am always working on and deepening so I take more responsibility for my actions, and self worth.

Leigh thank-you. How fully I can relate to what you say. For years I have held back/controlled my relationships with men for fear of being too flirtatious, slutty – there was a deep set guilt in this – the word sinful comes to mind. No doubt exacerbated by the confines of an all girls catholic boarding school. Here boys became sexual objects and conquests, leading to issues like jealousy, comparison and competition. I chose to shrink away from these situations and protect myself by becoming androgynous. Indeed, I never thought it was possible to look a man or a woman in the eyes as fully as I do today.

Thank you Lucinda, I have come to know that the beliefs around ‘sin’ trapped me in a belief system that was just nonsense! My heart is pure and untouched just like everyone else’s and never has it not been. It has been so liberating to feel the true me and be able to express myself without all that pointless self-loathing.

I remember, on reading your blog Leigh, that I was brought up to believe that all men were sexual predators and not to trust them, and this developed into my own prejudice against men which obviously set up a barrier. It is easy to see how this viewing of the opposite sex can quickly become a conflict between the sexes as they react out of beliefs, and mostly, because on both sides, there are feelings of lack of confidence and self worth. But there is another way that you describe so well, and if children are brought up loving and accepting themselves then all that hard, arrogant and aggressive behaviour does not have to happen.

The last week or so I have been more aware of my pelvis and walking in tenderness at a level that feels new. It comes and goes and at times I witnessed it unwind from hardness to tenderness as I observed my walk. During the times that I walked with that feeling in my pelvis, I felt more feminine than before, fragile and more powerful – there was a deep knowing and honouring of myself as a woman and a confidence in my relationship with the men and women in my path. Returning to this article, it occurred to me that there is a link between this feeling in my pelvis and sexual energy. The moments when I am not connecting to that feeling, I feel a loss, a void and an insecurity. It is very possible to play those sexual games. I remember that at times in the past I have actually been grateful for the sexual attention – I had been considering myself asexual and the sexual attention seemed a confirmation of me being a woman, a fact that I did not feel within myself. But I can see that if I build the true feeling from within me, there is just no way the sexual energy can feature in any shape or form in my life.

Dear Golnaz, I am re reading your comment tonight and it is highlighting for me how when as women we connect to our sacredness that is held deep within our pelvis how tender, fragile, loving, supporting and encompassing of all that is felt there. For me the realisation is that THIS is ME. I feel so beautiful and delicate and have such a tender love for all.

Leigh, a great sharing that I can really relate to. And Golnaz, what you share here, “The moments when I am not connecting to that feeling, I feel a loss, a void and an insecurity.” This is so how it feels when we are not connected to that sacredness within us, and as you say Leigh, this is us and you cannot help but feel tender love for all, feeling that divine connection.

Great article Leigh. I can so relate to what you say. Growing up watching the women in my family interact was enough to keep my guard up with men for many many years. Back then, I saw them as only wanting one thing. Fast forward to today and I see myself as equal, and there is a mutual respect with whoever I am in contact with. Lovely article.

Wow Leigh, you definitely opened the proverbial can of worms on this subject. With so many people recognising the importance and depth of this subject. Yes there is sexual energy we have all felt, but we no longer have to be ruled by it or afraid of it. We no longer have to let it get in the way of beautiful friendships forming. Take it one step further and have it taught at school in the future, it would make life so much less confusing as a teenager.

I agree Kevin. Being a teenager would be so much more simple if the kids were trusting of themselves and therefore did not have to be second guessing all the time and if they were then truly liked by the opposite sex for being themselves or felt no ‘agenda’ running as an undercurrent. It can certainly get in the way of natural relationships forming, and this goes for girls as well as boys.

Thank you Leigh, your article is very inspiring. I particularly liked the way you described this sexual energy as creating a tension in you and how this would affect your relationships with the men in your life. I can definitely relate to this.

For a long time I carried a sense of guilt for being a man, precisely for this imposing sexual energy that seemed rampant and out of control, always looking for the next potential conquest. We all know the stereotype of a male on the prowl. But this is a two way street. As you say, Leigh, women also have played their part in this and are equally responsible as men. Sexuality is used in so many ways in the dynamics between men and women. I feel the simplicity of what you have described as being the way forward – being aware of it and nominating it.

Thank you, I have always felt that sexual energy was in the way of my relationship with women, but I did not know what to ‘do’ with the energy. This part is a great support for how easy it can be, by just seeing it and speaking up about it – “I feel the simplicity of what you have described as being the way forward – being aware of it and nominating it.”

Yes Ken And Jinya, there is a great simplicity to this, I am noticing when I feel sexual energy that the moment I nominate what I feel, I stop going hard to “hold it out”. This is great for me as I now know that the same goes for any thing that I feel. The moment that I recognise what I am feeling and nominate it, I am in that moment stating that the energy I am feeling is not me. This for me has been and continues to be an amazing confirmation of who I really am.

I can really relate to what you have shared in this article about how sexual energy played out in my youth too. I know it altered my relationships with male friends and can relate to not feeling equal. There are now such lovely different role models to see what true loving energy is, for all equally.

Very interesting blog Leigh and it has definitely made me stop and consider where I have been in the past and present in my relationships with men and the sexual energy that you so clearly described. I can sense that the deeper I honestly look at this I can see the more advanced I have been playing this game than I care to admit. Thank you for sharing really cool.

This is a topic that is much needed and to be exposed for us all to be honest about. I personally feel that I have only started scratching the surface of this insidious game that is played. No matter how big or small I have played, I have been a part of it – what it is confirming is that I have always looked outside of myself for recognition and acceptance. As I turn the tables and start accepting myself, the true openness that is needed in relationships will be possible.

Dear Natalie, I too am discovering just how insidiously that I too have used sexual energy in the past, just last week I discovered another aspect of it that I had not considered before. A most revealing and deeply humbling experience. Also a very freeing one for me. I am beginning to see just how “normal” this energy has become in our lives, and even though it Feels horrible, we have accepted it as the way to behave. It is this seeing it or parts of it as ok that was hiding inside of me a very sneaky aspect of it.

Thank you Leigh, I am re-reading your blog, because its like I could have written this blog, or you are talking directly to me. I am starting to see how this sexual energy plays out in my male relationships, and realising that this behaviour is driven by the fact that I don’t think I am enough. It is great to read your blog and get inspiration from the way you have turned it around.

I too have just finished re-reading this blog, and feel I have experienced similar energy in my relationships with women. Isn’t it awesome to be so aware of that and watch as this changes when you approach the relationship with complete openness? from a place where you are dedicated to yourself first and all that “sexual” stuff falls away…allowing you to have even closer relationships that feel even more yummy than if you kept trying to manipulate that tense, sexual energy…I can definitely think of a few people I have met recently, where I have been able to have just awesome conversations or relationships with and felt more open than ever before.

Thank you Rebecca,
Writting this blog has been a massive experience for me, each reply has opened yet another aspect for healing and as such, I have greatly deepened my relationship with myself since I first put pen to paper, the depth of understanding that I am gaining is breath taking. This is such a work in progress. Feeling in the moment and choosing love. Being ok with being myself is helping me to be able to make this choice.

One of the first times in my adult life that I experienced actually feeling energy was years ago when I was in Amsterdam. One of the things you do as a tourist is to go to the Sex museum. So I wander in unsuspectingly into the place which was just heaving with tourists. Before I had even really seen anything I started to feel. And man it wasn’t nice, my skin started to crawl, the place was so heavy and nasty and just dripped with this horrible sexual energy, I had to scarper immediately. I experienced the same feeling a few years later at a night club in Brixton. Not nice! What I’m trying to say is, we all know and feel that its there, whether its in your face or subtly disguised, so it cannot be ignored or swept under the rug.

Kevin, I so agree, we know that sexual energy is around us if we allow our selves to feel. I have always known and felt this energy as I grew up. I could feel it from how the men would look at me and talk to me. It used to scare the hell out of me when I was young and I would often dress down and hide myself so I would not be seen. It makes sense now why I have never liked going to night clubs, but when I use to go the only way I survived in the clubs was by drinking alcohol, so I could not feel what was around me. How crazy is this.

Spot on Kevin. It can always be felt whether you are in Amsterdam, Brixton, with friends or your own home. I could always feel it as a child, whilst not being able to name it or understand it at the time. As part of my role as a European Tour Director, we used to have to take people through the Red Light District of Amsterdam and I always disliked it. (I would always make it very quick!) In retrospect so did most of the passengers but it seems we have all taken on these beliefs in society about being liberal and open minded that we negate our true feelings.

Re-reading this blog and the comments on ‘not being good enough’ make me realise how insidious that belief is and how it affects all our communications, both outward to others and internally to ourselves – avoiding speaking out and constantly self-criticising for not matching the ideal image of ourselves or how we think others would like us to be. The responsibility to remove that barrier is ours, and one way we can do that is by appreciating all that we are, both men and women, not as sexual objects of attraction or non-attraction but as equal human beings.

Hi Carmel,
Thank you dearly, Appreciation and surrender the choice to do this for ourselves is definitely the antidote to the not good enough. Initially we choose it for ourselves, but the beauty is that it is then how we communicate with others. With complete appreciation and understanding, this then allows for an honest loving way of living.

Hi Leigh your article has highlighted for me how we can put pressure on others when we are looking for their approval. That expectation gets in the way of simple honest open communications. I know it is something I used to do, but of course then it meant I was always at the mercy of what others thought of me. It wasn’t a great way to live. Since I have been looking at my relationship with myself, the focus has come back to me. I can appreciated myself for what I do and how I live without waiting for external approval. It is very liberating.

Yes Debra when we are expecting something from another so that we feel okay, it is a burden we are putting on them, and then we blame them when we are still not feeling okay at the end of it. I too have found now that I am living in a more appreciating, caring and honouring of self, I am more naturally content and I am more aware that my own choices that have the greatest impact on how I experience life. So there is less tendency to try to make someone else responsible for my experience.

Dear Debrah,
What you have talked about is so powerful and healing, thank you. The looking for approval is such a horrible way to live, I know this personally. And for me it is a work in progress, finding the strength to return to me when ever I find myself doing it for me is the key.

hi Leigh, this is a great article. As I got to the end I thought to myself, this is a game we are constantly playing – the ‘not good enough’ game. Imagine if we had to play this out as a role play and wouldn’t it look and seem a bit ridiculous – then we could really see this behaviour for what it is and I’m sure there would be many who would think again before playing it!

This is so true Susan, ‘ Imagine if we had to play this out as a role play and wouldn’t it look and seem a bit ridiculous’. It is crazy when we stop and consider this, I observe how this ‘not good enough’ game is played by so many, including myself and how damaging it is.

Thank you Leigh for showing the damage we all cause ourselves from not feeling that we are enough. Your last line says it all; “I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.”

Thank you Leigh for a thought provoking blog.
I too in the past have sought attention from men. I had a strong need to be loved because of my lack of self-esteem, self-love and self-worth. Now the picture is very different as I love men for what they are deep down, their fragility, their tenderness, their loveliness. I like being in their company and I have many male friends with no sexual attraction between us – just human beings who like each other.

Dear Leigh, thank you for writing this. I feel inspired to look at and heal this area of my life, so that true respect love and integrity can be brought into my relationships with men too. Your blog and Universal Medicine are letting us know that there is another way to interact that has nothing to do with sexual pleasure and goes way beyond ‘chemistry’, but is all about the innocence of loving and respecting each other.

Dear Shevon,
I read through you comment yesterday and it triggered a healing for me. As I read it I felt deeply how we are unable to treat others with innocence, loving and respecting them in full unless we have done this for ourselves. I then felt the utter devastation that was in my body for having lived in a way that was not this. I thank you deeply, as this feeling is the next step in my own unravelling of the not good enough for me. As I was feeling this, I could also feel my love underneath it holding and supporting me as I felt the devastation. How beautiful, and so confirming that our love is greater.

Beautifully written Shevon, ‘ there is another way to interact that has nothing to do with sexual pleasure and goes way beyond ‘chemistry’, but is all about the innocence of loving and respecting each other.’

An amazing blog. The first time I read it, I tried to comment but found it a challenge and had to go away to ponder what it meant for me. So I am back about a month or so later! Why did it challenge me so much? Because I had attempted to ignore and close down to the ‘sexual energy’ around me, that I had colluded in, and that was directed at me, and to be honest it has really provoked me.
I was shocked by how often ‘sexual energy’ would be underlying in communication I had, particularly with men and how if I felt it, I would reject it and them and become smaller and so collude and in a sense submit. I realised that I found it really difficult to stay with myself, expressive, vibrant and shining. This description is how I have been in recent times with a confidence and knowing of myself that I have built up over the last 10 or so years and yet it was so insidious and part of my life that I had closed down to seeing it for what it really was. I am not talking about Page 3 etc, but the subtle power struggles that happen everyday. I was seeing most men as the enemy and when I saw a man approach me I would become hard and protective in my body as a precaution.
I really appreciated this clarity in the blog and becoming truly aware of the part I have played in this interplay and I have chosen to say no very clearly to being a part of it and it feels very loving and supportive to myself but also deeply supportive and loving of the people/men I interact with. I am able to see the behaviour for what it is and appreciate men for who they really are.

Hi Mike,
Yes love is when you find that special someone and you enjoy them to the fullest degree. Cherish them, have fun with them, deal with the hard stuff with them, all of this with the deepest honor and love you of them and them of you.

I can relate to a lot of what you have written – for years I had the belief that men were only after one thing from me and that one thing was sex, unless they were gay and then they wouldn’t want to know me. So in effect I never went out of my way to build any relationships, outside of my marriage with any men. I just did not trust them and I would put up a protective shield. I can actually say that I did not see men for who they truly are and had an idea of what I thought men were and I had no intention of finding out either way.
I can honestly say that has changed and I have met some gorgeous men who I can trust and I no longer hold them as an object to be avoided at all costs. I know there is a lot more to discover about them and my relationship is changing with them as I build my self acceptance.

Hi Julie,
When you say your relationship with men is changing as you build self acceptance. I felt my self ponder on the feeling of building self acceptance. What if though we don’t have to build our self acceptance, what if innately inside we already fully accept ourselves, warts and all? What if instead of working to build this we instead surrender to feel that is already there.

Great to read how you have nominated the part you played in calling in sexual energy Leigh.
I certainly knew how to manipulate men – when to call it in and when to push it away. It felt very much like a game.
You make an interesting point here when you talk about how all this game paying made you harden around other men, and then it made you go into comparison with other women.
I can feel how I was exactly like that too – and certainly let in comparison related to male interest.
It feels so much easier to see that for what it is/ was – and now be much more open with men, building relationships with them from who they are not how they treat me. If I have a guard up because a man ‘might get the wrong idea’ – then they usually do. If everything is energy – then they can certainly feel what I’m calling in when I’ve built a great wall of China, vs when I am open, myself and not playing any games. Their walls come down too and we see each other as equal – no boy vs girl game.
It is amazing to build relationships in that way!

Hi Hannah,
It so is much more beautiful when we be ourselves, open and fully accepting. Something I am beginning to feel within my self is that my communication and connection with others flows much more freely when I hold myself with all the love I have. When I love myself deeply, I feel so strong and supported that I find that I communicate with such tenderness as this is how I actually feel, I feel to be super tender with my body and so am super tender with others as well.

What has stopped me to reflect in your article is when you talk about the imposition it is on someone else to “actively seek sexual attention from them”, it is definitely imposing and can ruin relationships if both people are not listening and respecting each other rhythms, listening and feeling when there is something to be expressed, allowing the love and not demanding or expecting. Coming back to love is the only way, I know now, I wish I had followed that and not pushed people away with my need. Reconnecting to the purity and strength of my love is the way forward, for sure.

Dear Julia,
I too pushed people away with my needs, then I found my self feeling guilty for having done this. The living guilty almost destroyed me as in that, the moment any one that I had pushed a need on to had a comment about my behavior I dropped into being a bad person for having done this. What I am now connecting to is that I am not what I have done in the past, I am a beautiful tender deeply loving sexy woman. Living from this truth completely cuts the many lies I have believed that kept me feeling guilty, many of these lies were ones that I told myself… There is no place for them, I know deeply that I am a beautiful loving person. How do I know this, because I can feel it inside me. And what I feel inside cannot be affected by the lies, unless I believe a lie to be true, to do this though I have to leave the beauty I am inside. Believe you me I have pondered on the mechanics of this a lot. I can only think I am bad when I step away from my beauty and strength within. This has empowered me to be much more responsible with what I choose to connect with. EVERYTIME I choose to stay with my beauty and love inside I feel so still and supported that this then encourages me to continue to do this.

I love your open sharing where you take responsibility for your part in using sexual energy to get attention. I can relate to this and have done this as well. In honouring myself and building a strong relationship with myself, I have slowly started to change my relationship with men. It is a process in which I step by step let go of protecting myself , and it feels like unwrapping a gift to actually meet the true and tender man that is inside.

This is great to re-read Leigh, ‘If I feel any sexual energy, I take full responsibility, and simply nominate that I have felt it and choose to stay with my love. If I do fall into it, I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.’ Much to ponder on, thank you.

I have felt so much more myself and free and also more loving with all others since I have nailed this subtle but dominant issue of sexual energy in my life. The under tones of sexual energy are everywhere in society and breaking through this has allowed me to become so much more expressive and open.

Thank you for exposing how easy it is to put the responsibility on the other, but in fact we have our own agenda, from which judge and relate but if we accept the our responsibility, things change. Thank you for sharing for honestly.

Even though I have been complicit in judging women in the past for how sexually attractive they were to me, there were many times when I just wanted to be close to many women as friends growing up in school and afterwards, but found this difficult because there was this worry I felt from the women that all I was interested in was sex. This was predominantly not the case for me, but I took what I felt from them as a rejection of me and it greatly affected the level of my self-worth. I can feel now how it may have contributed later to my use of pornography as a false form of intimacy without the possibility for rejection, and how once I had used porn for this, I then carried around with me a ‘charge’ or icky sexually abusive energy that I then brought to the women I was trying to be close to growing up and as an adult. I now have let go of all that, and enjoy just being me and seeing women as the beautifully sensitive and tender people that they are without that awkwardness I had brought to relationships based on me trying to prove my worth to them in the past, and my relationships have evolved to be more equal and open as well.

Dear Michael, what stands out for me in your comment is that you felt how women in your teens were worried that you would want more from them than what they were ready for. How simple would it be to speak up and say what was felt and that this was not your intention. What I have felt growing up is that sex was not to be talked about, that it was a tabo subject so when something like what you shared happened for me, my way of coping was to shut down and become defensive and essentially push the man away, instead of simply saying that sex is not what I wanted, but their friendship and being in my life was what I would like. For me this simplicity was impossible, because of how I believed that the subject of sex was too awkward to broach. How insidious is that, the energy itself carries with it a hiding, secretiveness that keeps it hidden, this is so evident in cases of sexual abuse. Having the conversations that we are having is taking the lid off this secretiveness, making it easier for everyone, myself included to talk openly about sexual energy and how it really feels.

Beautiful blog Leigh, it is sad to read that sexual energy withhold us from making deeper connections with each other, and that this energy is placing one another not on the same level but makes one dominant and the other subordinate. How can this be true if we as human beings are innately all equal and the same in our inner most? It is great that you give us the key to why we allow this energy in: because we are lacking self confidence and by doing so we choose to let this energy in so it can give us a feeling of worthiness in return. Wow, what a revelation! Thank you for showing us the way out of this ugly way of relating between women and men, human beings.

That is very empowering Leigh: “Now, as I reclaim the beautiful, vibrant, sexy woman that I am, I can feel that my relationships with men and my interaction with men and women is changing”. It shows that we don’t have to place blame on anyone else, we have the power to change our relationships and experiences in life

We do do have this power within Jessica, however we have a lot of work to do so that what we now know and live, becomes the accepted way of living in society. Totally embracing our true loving essence and letting it be seen is the beginning of bringing this way of living to everyone.

I can so relate to what you share Leigh. For most of my life, the interaction with men was always surrounded with sexual energy and tension. Will he like me, will he find me attractive, were my main questions. This all came from a huge lack of worth, lack of self love and not feeling good enough, I needed the confirmation from men to feel good about myself. I have had a phase where i slept around and needed the men and the one night stands for recognition and to be liked and loved. I had to learn to see men as human beings, and to actually feel comfortable around them, without the sexual tension. It all came down to ME, building a relationship with myself. When i look outside of myself to see if a man ‘sees’ me, wanting another man to find me attractive, i have to come back to me, knowing that i have to absolutely adore myself to the max, knowing i don’t need any confirmation from anybody.

Dear Mariette,
Re learning how to love myself again has been and continues to be the most beautiful experience of my life. At times it is a little overwhelming as I expose just how hard and critical I have actually allowed myself to be with myself. Each time I expose the harshness of the way I lived, I find myself actually wanting to tenderly love and support my body to the nth degree, I am coming to realise that my body absolutely melts as I lovinlyg support it. I am now doing this through gentle exercise, connective tissue exercises and regular esoteric yoga and connecting deeper and deeper to my body every day. In this connection I can feel my divineness within.

Your blog has crystallised for me the relationship between not feeling good enough, looking to men for validation, recognition and approval and then finding the attention either scary when it’s someone I’ve targeted, or sleazy when it’s unwanted. A real revelation that I let sexual energy in and a real gift from you on how to manage it – ‘ If I do fall into it, I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.’ A true pearl of wisdom, for which thanks.

Wow this is very timely for me to read, I have been feeling lately that my interactions with men come loaded, that it not simply a true, loving connection, I can feel that there is usually an undertone, with thoughts of, ‘I can’t get on too well with this man’ or ‘I can’t be friends with men incase they get the wrong idea or incase my partner gets jealous’, it feels like there is so much complication around friendships with the men I know that I kind of avoid having male friends, so it is inspiring to read, ‘If I feel any sexual energy, I take full responsibility, and simply nominate that I have felt it and choose to stay with my love. If I do fall into it, I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.’

I can relate to all that you have shared here Leigh. I too have been exploring what is the sexual energy that is felt with men and how I too have used sexual energy as a means of gaining attention because I don’t feel good about myself. It is deeply exposing. What I have found that as I have explored and exposed this energy within myself and kept calling it out every time I feel the pattern that I go into, my relationships with men have and continues to change. I can now enjoy friendships with men that are not based on needing to get something from them to fulfil the lack of self worth that may be there in me. The relationships are built on true love, that is not wanting anything or needing anything. Just enjoying the beauty of that person for who they truly are.
In the past when a man put out sexual energy towards me, as you mentioned in your blog Leigh, if I liked them I gave myself a little pat on the back, if I didn’t like them I thought it was gross. When I saw this was what I was doing, I could see what I was playing with and the absurdity of it which has helped me cut the outward seeking of this energy from men.
I also have spent my life being afraid of if I just be me, if I shine in all of my beauty that I will attract unwanted attention from men. So I have spent a lot of my life being shut down to men, only coming out when it has felt safe such as its OK to be friends with them if they have a partner or are unavailable. Only then feeling it to be safe to open up, because they won’t have a motive behind wanting to connect. Only then did I allow myself to trust men.
However, what I have found of more recent and since attending the courses at Universal Medicine and understanding energy, is that if I just stay connected with me, it doesn’t matter how the other person reacts or is. If I can hold myself, not buy into any energies that may be at play they soon dissipate and I can enjoy the company of a man, just for the beauty of who he is. After all men are beautiful tender people and it would be a shame not to enjoy the amazingness of who they are.

I agree with you Leigh that things change when you start to identify the movement of sexual energy in others and in yourself. I really ‘got it’ from a personal experience where I was able to feel sexual energy in a touch on my arm during a group dinner. It highlighted that any part of the body can pick this up even in an apparently non-sexual context. I have learned, with the help of Universal Medicine, to just let such feelings be there without acting upon them, and look within to find out what my contribution might be to how the sexual energy got in and why. Much self-awareness comes from this, and much freedom to be the ‘master of one’s own life!

Yes Leigh it was a degree of being master of my own life that enabled me to perceive the movement of sexual energy in myself and others. How it began was, I was at a camp-out festival one year and met a man from the USA. There was no sexual energy passing between us, we enjoyed each other’s company and conversation and we became friends. I was two years into a relationship at the time. One day we were talking about sex and sexual energy, and how difficult it was to be a woman. He suggested, from his own experience, that I try being celibate for 3 years. What?! Me, celibate!? I laughed, but then something about his presence and confidence made me wonder…. As it turned out, that year my relationship broke up. I was very ‘heart-broken’ and did not want to be with anyone else. After a while, I realized that here was my opportunity to choose to be celibate for a while, and enjoy getting to know myself again after having been in relationships continuously for many years. So I went into this man-free period with that awareness and intention. It gave me the space to ‘master desire’, that is one component of what I meant by ‘mastery of one’s life’. During that time was when I had the experience of feeling sexual energy in a touch on my arm. I noticed that I was becoming increasingly aware of sexual energy whenever it was coming toward me in another person (male) but before it got to me. This was great! It meant I could feel truth before my body became embroiled in an interaction of sexual energies that made it difficult to think clearly. It increased my discernment about my energy, how I behaved and how true I was to my own feelings. I could observe sexual energy without being pulled to act upon it. How freeing!

Dear Diane, I am so glad you expanded on being a master of your own life. What you have shared here shows me just how supported we always are, yet even though the support is there that it is up to us to make the choice to accept it, as you did.

Awesome sharing Dianne, very inspiring. I know I can feel the sexual energy but I am still fooling myself that I don’t. I have used it myself big time to get attention and recognition due to a lack of self-worth. Now that I am single, I can relate to what you say, and I start to allow myself to actually feel what is at play here and where I choose sexual energy and when it comes towards me. It’s a work in progress but a beautiful progress.

From this man’s perspective I can share that this sexual energy you have felt, for which you take responsibility for your part in – is a deeply insidious manipulator of both sexes.

Having re-connected to the truth of who I am, I am still surprised that there are moments in my life where the presence of a woman may result in an unsolicited thought popping into my head. But at least I am able to discern this thought for the underlying energy that it represents by how this feels in my body and therefore call it out and not have it manifest any further.

I have pondered what possible opening might still allow this to play through me and as I type, wonder whether there is a possibility that we exist as differing genders for the purpose of fostering a degree of separation that goes farther back than we care to consider. Yet, this is no True reason to play the game, knowing full well that we are equal Sons of God, gender regardless.

Thankyou Leigh for exposing the fact that relationships are always a two way street. As men, we certainly need to look at the way we look at women more deeply, and the deeper we go, the more subtle the layers we see. I am always amazed how engrained it is in us as men to see women purely from a sexual viewpoint.

Society is very good at exposing misogyny, yet always when it does there is blame to be attributed solely at the man’s feet. But this stops us from looking at the fact that more often than not there is a game that is being played equally between the sexes. Society’s condemnation of men for all things sexist certainly stopped me for a long time from understanding what was really going on.

There has been many a time when I find myself suddenly sexually attracted to a woman, and thinking that it was all me. It took me a while to realise that there were certain women who were in truth “putting out” a sexual energy as a way of garnering my attention. It was very liberating when I finally was able to own the truth of what I was feeling here – that women equally play the game of seeking attention with what you have referred to as “sexual energy”. How different our relationships would be if we were complete within ourselves before we looked into the eyes of another. Thank you for confirming this for me.

There is a game being played Adam. Both sexes are playing it, but mostly because they do not know that there is another way.
That is the power in Leigh’s blog. She brings the game out of the shadows, exposing the absurdity, and showing everyone that it does not have to be this way.

Beautiful Blog Leigh, it’s so simple and feels so freeing to not accepting sexual energy to be what we are ‘seeking’ to prove we are good enough, or to be noticed. I’ve have felt the difference. It is a big difference. I feel once you experience a true connection with no sexual energy lingering, you and the other person/people involved also feel the true connection which is simply allowing hem to just be them.

“And I can also remember ‘feeling good’ if they showed a sexual interest in me. However, I always ran a mile straight after feeling this. But what about in my relationships with men when I felt this attention from a male that I wasn’t interested in? Then it felt dirty, sleazy, imposing and made me feel in some way inferior.”

This is a really honest and revealing paragraph, for it highlights how we can, at the whim of someone showing that sexual quality of interest or not, gauge our own self worth. I feel these days, just how imposing and repulsive it is, to present, or be presented with such sexual energy, as I choose also, to be intimate with myself first and foremost.

Thank you Leigh for exposing an energetic set up trap that I feel a lot of us fall into and because it is so covert and sneaky, it can often go unnoticed and remain unexpressed. You sharing your journey has helped me feel into mine when it comes to how I too have played with this type of sexual energy most of my life and it has affected the way I treat others, most especially men. I have been a prolific dater at times, treating it as almost as a sport with the sole goal of filling up my self esteem bank with little to no regard of how that sort of energy would affect the people I was using. It absolutely works both ways with men and women often using each other to fill their emptiness and not truly being willing to see the preciousness of the person they are using, instead using them as a tool or pawn in their own game of self gratification. I want to call this out and nominate for myself that it is not OK to treat people as less than human for your own gain and using sexual energy as a tool to broker this is so damaging. I too will continue to call this out for myself as it arises and also work on the underlying reason why I have needed to do this in the first place. Thank you very much for sharing your story. Unless people are willing to talk about this sort of stuff, we will never uncover what is truly playing out in our relationships and what is holding us back from being the connected beings we all are.

‘Not willing to see the preciousness of the person we are using’. Such a prescious sharing Megan, when we are feeling hurt or preasured, this very need ability is pushed to the side to either protect ourselves or to preasure another to do what we want. In re reading your comment tonight I have a very solid basis on which to base my communications with others, thank you.

Thank you Leigh for so simply expressing what sexual energy is. I always felt that I was in some way, ‘a deviant’ or I felt very guilty for having such sexual desires. I was not able to see that these thoughts are not me and it was ‘something’ that I let in because I was feeling ‘not good enough’ about myself and that it highlighted an emptiness within that somehow need filling.
I have noticed with self-care, self-nurturing and living in a self-loving way has increased my awareness to what feels right for me and what does not.

Dear Andrew, I only too personally know what you mean when you say you felt like a deviant for having sexual thoughts and desires, I too carried the guilt of these hidden thoughts for years. The insidiousness of this is that while I kept them hidden, they had great power over me. Feeling what I felt and writting this blog have changed this for me. What a gift true expression is.

Awesome blog Leigh, I can really relate to your experience as a young woman – I would run a mile , and maybe a little further when feeling that sexualised energy and imposition – yet at the same time there was some form of seeking it too… lots for me to ponder on here, thank you!

Yes Janene, I too relate to this experience of running a mile when feeling the sexual imposition of men as a young woman and then gradually settling for those crumbs just because I did not feel good enough about myself. It is much a different feeling now to appreciate myself as a woman and feel the fullness of true love reflected back to me.

Leigh, thank you for sharing as I can relate to what you have shared. I too have now found that by learning to love, accept and embrace the beautiful, amazing and wondrous Woman I am that the previous sexual energy that I had allowed to control & manipulate me no longer has that power, control or manipulation of me. Love does.

Wow Leigh, your blog gives me a lot to ponder on more deeply ‘It hurts to say, but as a result of not feeling good enough I never actually saw any man as another human being, someone to simply love, but as someone who was going to in some way sexually impose on me.” This is how I have been looking at men and I have done my share in sleeping around to feel I was good enough, to get the recognition and to compete with other women. Just to be part of the group so they would like me and see me. I did not see myself and anyone else in their true nature. This looking outside myself has changed and with loving myself I build more loving relationships based on who we truly are and it is gold to have true love in my life

Such a blessing to expose how sexual energy truly is, so there is clarity that when we do not feel worthy or enough, we actually can never truly love another. We have in general believed that sexual energy is what love is about, and we wonder why this has brought about so much hurt and complications, concluding that love is difficult and hard to understand. Thank you Leigh, this blog has brought us back to a true understanding of how sexual energy really works, as so many are looking for a way to simply love.

Dear Adele, thank you, you have gently prised another aspect of sexual energy out for me to ponder on, I had not fully connected the dots where we use this energy as a way to find love. (Naive, I know :-)) This begs for us to ponder on just how many relationships are built on such a false energy. And brings so much understanding to the many and varied relationship issues that abound in our society.

Thank-you Leigh for sharing this topic so beautifully and exposing some truths around sexual energy and how we can use it as a filler for our own lack of self worth. From my experience in the past, choosing to have sex in that way, gave me the intimacy I craved but at the end, is still the emptiness there to be felt from my own lack of self love. Now, if I feel that energy try to come up, it’s a great marker I have stepped away at that moment from my own loving essence that I have come to enjoy being in the company of, so then reflect on what was it that I was thinking at that moment and lovingly bring myself back to me and my own beautiful, deep and rich essence. There is absolutely nothing like our own gorgeous divine emanation, and sharing that with another with nothing needed, just a true sharing of ourselves, now that has to be divine.

Dear Leigh, thank you for having the courage to share such a personal story. I read your article this morning and today I had the opportunity to share it with another woman. We had such a great, honest and frank conversation about it and she said she too would share with others. This is so needed women supporting women, conversations like these are so inspiring and are so healing to confirm and know we are not alone in our feelings. Thank you again for sharing.

Thank you Caroline, how true, women supporting women, something that I am truly beginning to experience. For way too long as women we have fought tooth and nail to be better than another. To now be able to sit in the company of another woman with no hidden agenda, simply the ability to enjoy them and enjoy me is truly beautiful.

You have given such a clear breakdown of this pattern; the longing for the sexual attention and the awful feeling it brings when you get it. This has been my experience, the yearning to be seen as beautiful (sexy) and then not knowing what to do with that sort of attention when it comes. It makes me weary recalling it.
To be honest I have ‘dealt’ with this by shutting off the sexy woman, running away from any potential interaction that will bring up the dilemma.In other words I have not dealt with it at all! Your blog Leigh has shown me that hiding is not the way. It is possible to be sexy without falling for the sexual energy and all of the angst and discomfort it brings.
Time to let the sexy woman out again, and enjoy her to the fullest.

Me too Rachel, I am discovering just how much I dull down the sexiness that I now feel coming from deep within. Each day my confidence in my self is building and I am more able to let it out, what an sbsolute relief this is for my body. In this simple reconnection to me I have discovered that it truly hurts to hold in my absolute, adoring sexiness.

Hit the nail on the head here Leigh. I can feel the teenager inside me squirming at the thought of how I too played with this energy. Searching for recognition from everything outside of myself, yet being left feeling horrible once that energy got in. I love re-learning what true sexiness is and that I do not need to try, it’s all in me and in my gorgeous eyes.

Hi Rachel, just today I had a squirm moment, from a flash back to my teen years too.
The squirm for me was feeling the truth of the energy that was around me, that I allowed to be my way too. It felt so cold and calculating. It makes my body shiver in memory.

Thank you Leigh for sharing your personal story with humanity. I for one can relate to the feeling of not been good enough as I always looked as myself as been to skinny and not good looking enough when around females. This made me feel less about myself and I could never find the courage to even approach the opposite sex in my earlier years as a teenager.
Now a days I feel more confidence and feel better in my body to know we are all equal to be the love that we are and to not judge one self as been lesser then another.

As a woman Matt I can recall the young men whose company I enjoyed most at school were the ones who were not arrogant and full of the belief that every woman should fall at their feet.
The problem for those “not arrogant” men is that they were far too self effacing, and did not understand how lovely they were to be around. Perhaps they were too caught up in not filling the bill of the “ideal man”. And we women were responsible for our part in that unspoken bargain, for as much as we were suffering from not living up to the female ideal, we imposed that on men too – judging them as “sexy” or not, according to the current image, hence worthy of our attention or not.
Crazy.
We have a world full of people, all beautiful, and unique in their essence. We have an ideal that about 5% comply with…so 95% of the true beauty gets overlooked, dismissed ignored. And the sensitive people imagine that they are not good enough.
It is so beautiful to heal this. But how much more beautiful to have these conversations with our children so they do not get caught up in the same trap, and live in full appreciation of their beauty from the get-go.
What would happen to the way sexual energy is expressed if we were to live knowing we are beautiful form the start?

Thank you Leigh, reading your article brings awareness to me that this is what I used to do ‘I was looking for some sort of marker that I was good enough’, more and more Im feeling in my body that I am good enough and that I do not need these markers from outside for my own self worth.

I have read each and every one of the comments that have been posted here. Yes I was the one to open this conversation, but boy have each of you in you comments expanded and built on my initial expression. This has been a most healing experience for me as your comments have allowed me to deepen my own feelings around sexual energy and have also allowed me to open much more to the love that is mine within, supporting me as I give myself permission to allow my love to be present in my body. So much love, so much beauty, that is ever expanding, thank you all.

Thank you Leigh for sharing you experience with sexual energy with us. Through the way you describe it, it reveals to me that both genders use this energy from their issues with self-worth. Since in our society many people have issues with self-worth it feels that we have mutually accepted to use sexual energy as means to gain relief from the tension the unresolved self-worth issues brings with and that how this way of living perpetuates the same pattern in itself over and over again, until we stop it. When we become more loving with ourselves, which in turn will also address our issues with self-wort by the way, we ar able to connect with what is actually going on and are able to connect with the fact that it is our own responsibility of choosing for the sexual energy to play with or not.

Leigh what you have expressed here is extremely powerful – and a perspective I had not duly considered. As a young man the ‘abuse’ of sexual energy to feel empowered or dismiss was ever present – but what I feel after reading your blog is that the use of this energy in this way was simply down to wanting to protect oneself and defend – ‘I don’t want to get hurt so I will act like this’ – the tough guy act then harms all those that it comes in to contact with.

It certainly does Lee, something though that I am coming to understand is that under that tough exterior that many men put out is an absolute Teddy Bear of a man, with so much tenderness just waiting to feel safe to let it out. This is so beautiful to feel, however it brings up a deep sadness in me that as a society we do not foster this innate tenderness that all men and boys alike have within them, instead as we bring them up we toughen them to be “real men”. Mm much to ponder on here for me, I am guilty of wanting the men in my life to be tough when needed, but to also let their tender side out. A bit of a contradiction, huh. Something for me to look deeper into here, why have I wanted my men to be tough? Could it be that I have had so little trust in myself to care for myself that I have wanted my man to take on caring for me? Thank you Lee, your comment had exposed another lie that I have lived with for too long.

It’s really interesting how we as women choose tough men and I agree with you Leigh I certainly have not felt that I could fully take care of myself and needed a man to protect and look after me! This is changing as I begin to take care of myself, this neediness is becoming much less. As I allow myself to feel my hurts and let them go this is certainly having an impact on my relationships. I feel we choose tough men because it’s comforting for us because then we don’t have to deal with our lack of self worth. Choosing a tender man would have been way too much for me a while ago because it would have brought so much up for me, asking me to be more and put simply I would not have been ready for that level of love.

Yes, Leigh isn’t it amazing the lengths we will go to in order to feel ‘good enough’, or ‘feel better’ about ourselves through the eyes of another. You have exposed what we will then accept into our lives, and our bodies in playing this ‘sexual dance’.

I too played the game, and played with this energy when it suited me – and when it didn’t, I would run away! It was all dependant on my need at the time… and how I looked outwardly to others as my measure of worth.

The crazy thing is that no one really wants to play this game at all! It is just the bi-product of our needs, and the thing that many men and women have ‘settled for’ because they experience momentary relief or satisfaction at the time. However, the real love and intimacy we all truly crave will not ever come from this dance; and it is not until we actively choose to say no to it that the game will be over.

Dear Kylie, yes you are spot on, it is not until we say no that this game will stop. It is so sad to feel just how much yuck is accepted in society, simply because we are looking, searching for true intimacy. Constantly looking outside of ourselves, yet true intimacy comes from deep within, and expands out. Feeling this is so very yummy and is so wonderful to share with others.

Thanks for your sharing Angela I can relate to what you have said and for many years my relationships with women were clouded by my need for recognition and approval in the sexual sense. I also felt at times that I could not deepen my connection to a woman because I thought she might mistake this for my wanting a sexual relationship. Crazy that I didn’t feel I could just express how I was feeling.

Thank you for this profound sharing Leigh! I can so relate to this. It is terrible how we can get stuck in this vicious cycle of actually seeking the very thing that puts us down whilst we really believe it lifts us up. I have done this for my whole life until I met Serge Benhayon and another way to be with men was reflected to and inspired in me.

It’s great to have an article exposing sexual energy and that we are actually also responsible for it affecting us. It makes complete sense this game; of wanting another to prove that we are good enough, or otherwise confirm the fact that we feel we are not good enough- the root ill. This game actually makes us reject men, as we want ‘the look’, and then react to feeling it, and then reject the man.

Leigh what you expose here is huge. As I was reading your blog I realised how prevalent this is between men and women, and how harming it is to our relationships with each other. At the root of it as you say, is this notion that we’re not good enough, and therefore we play ball, often from an early age, with an energy that does’t actually feel right to us. We know the sexual energy that goes with objectifying women, even in its subtlest forms sometimes feels creepy — and yet how often do men and women play right into it? I know that when I have done this is because I wanted a validation back that I was enough, good enough, desirable enough etc. In taking responsibility for this and choosing to heal those pockets of not being good enough, that sexual energy no longer can take a hold of me — and what is really lovely is to start let men in as people first — and not as someone I’ve tarnished with the label that they may hurt me, impose on me, want something from me etc.

I have learnt from your story that over coming these patterns we have held onto for so long can be changed – asking the question “why do I …” trusting the awareness will come to you and taking responsibility for the choices I have made to keep this pattern going. This is something I am struggling with in certain areas of my life, but with your inspirational story I know it is possibly. Thank you Leigh.

Dear Christine,
I too have struggled with the responsibility of my choices, so much so that it is only a week ago that I finally have taken full responsibility for the life I have now. For so long there have been areas where I didn’t want to be responsible for, I wanted others to blame or to take responsibility, where it was actually mine to hold. This moment of recognition has been tremendous. The most healing realisation so far is to realise that while I didn’t want to be responsible for my life fully, that I was unable to fully support even one of the most loving choices I have made, this being to love myself deeply every day in every way. This I can and do now fully support and in so doing already I am seeing a difference in my life, a true loving difference.

What a great sharing! Our responsibility as women in seeking attention from men is something that is not presented often unless it’s about flaunting our bodies in skimpy clothes and you don’t need skimpy clothes to seek this sort of attention, just a lack of self worth. The depth of lack of self worth in our society is so big. Because this energy makes me feel dirty then I avoid building close relationships with men, to dodge it instead of looking at what I was seeking through my own lack of self worth. Thank you Leigh.

“It is also very empowering to now be able to feel it, nominate it, and to choose to not be a part of it.” This very much resonated with me Leigh, especially the choosing not to be part of it. I’m slowly learning to detach myself from beliefs and ideals that were dearly held thanks to Universal Medicine and the blogs and comments so generously shared.

It is powerful and empowering that you stopped to ask yourself this question “So I sat with this for a while and asked the question: why did I actively seek this attention? What is it about me that actually let this sexual energy into my body?”

Leigh, what an eye opener of a blog.. ‘Not Feeling Good Enough’, that creeps into so many areas in our lives and it really plays us and bring us down. As you expressed ‘Taking Full Responsibility and Choosing Love’ for our behaviour or patters we can nominate what it is for us that bring us down and make shifts.
I’ve had many times the thought of not feeling good enough creep in many aspects of my life (in all the different roles that I express myself in at work, home and socially). Once we start to feel each time what ideal is making us feel that thought at that particular time, we can then choose to nominate, let go of it, heal from it and not have it as part of our life. This is an ever ongoing and deepening journey. Thank you.

Dear Pinkylight,
Yes this is an on going journey one that is so very rewarding to walk. I read a blog the other night that ended with a sentence something along the lines of “Loving ourselves Truly, Deeply, Fully. For me this said everything. This is the key to being able to feel the times that the not good enough creeps in and is also the support to nominate each time and heal from it.

‘Unfortunately’ I relate well with your blog Leigh. Not feeling good enough and not having enough self worth capped my relationships with boys and men, when I was keeping them limited to the possibility of a sexual relationship. I have had many friendships with men but because I made having a deeper relationship with them contingent on being sexual with them, my friendships with them were kept superficial – I couldnt be sexual with them all! – missing out on a beautiful deeper friendship. I have since realised I do not need to keep men at bay for fear of ‘leading them on’ because I don’t subscribe now to needing that sexual energy to feel special anymore. This opens up the opportunity for more male friends. Yay!

This is a very exposing blog, Leigh and has challenged us all to feel into how we are expressing to others especially those of the opposite sex. Expressing from our truth rather than from our needs or insecurities is extremely freeing. I still feel at times a tension when talking to some men, even though there is no sexual connotations in the connection- but maybe there are old fears and issues coming up for me that I need to nominate and discard.

This is a great blog Leigh. It made me ponder what sexual energy has done with me and how much I have felt it as a manipulative and imposing energy. On the other hand I see how I have used it as a way to create an artificial intimacy and also, how much I have used it as a form of control. I realize since I started to be intimate with myself, I am more aware of the sexual imposition in some men I have come into contact with, and don’t need to react, but allow a true connection with them as equal partners.

Upon reflection, your blog highlights to me just how separative and abusive the sexual energy is when we give our power away to it, and how it contributes to the inner desperation for love and connection with others, which is really what we have always been so wanting of. On the flip side, how beautiful is it when we call all that out and let it go, to re-claim the Grand Love that we truly are, and hold this with others so opportunity opens up for exactly what we all have always wanted, priceless.

Thanks for sharing Leigh, Men can also feel this feeling of not being good enough especially after being rejected a few times.. This sexual tension has been around as long as we have so its great to see and feel that a few people in this world are finally getting to grips with it so men and women can move forward in a truly equal way.

This truly feels to be a ground breaking blog, it challenges the root of ‘sexual energy’ in life and brings another way of approaching relationships – it is powerful. I relate to this quote “… every time that I felt this type of attention for a split second I felt “yeah, I am good enough”, only to then have that energy inside of me making me feel dirty, sleazy and slutty, to then have myself believe that this is what I was (dirty, sleazy, slutty). It dropped me to a further depth in the belief that I was not good enough.” I also feel that I choose to go numb to what I felt on a daily basis and it has been a revelation for me to be honest about how I feel ‘sexual energy’ has impacted on my life, concerning how I have been treated and how I have treated others. Thank you.

I love how you shared that you did not see men as a another human being. The games that are played out through our protection and contraction create such a gap between not only gender but people everywhere, so that we can no longer see another for who they are or understand where they are coming from.
Today as I see myself as the tender beautiful woman that I am I can see the men for the tender beautiful man that they are, and so I am simply meeting another wonderful person.

I used to hold my male friends at a distance because I too felt that they were different to me and found it difficult to relate to them. But I realised that it was me that was keeping them at a distance and once I open up and allow our friendship to develop it is beautiful. Male and female look different but we are all the same inside, we all crave to be loved, to be met and to be treated equally.

Thanks Leigh for your insightful blog. it takes two to tango and this insidious game holds us back from true relationship and connection. I have always felt this energy but gone along with it for the relief of tension of not feeling I was enough, full well knowing the eventual outcome was not going to be pretty as it is short lived and always needs more. Reclaiming my body and filling that emptiness with love and remaining tender to feel sexual energy, I don’t see it as personal invitation but as something in the way of love and truly meeting someone.

Yes, it is a form of protection and a way capping relationships to remain at a certain level. Sexual energy is really a way of controlling each other to fill our needs, whilst preventing the vulnerable, pure and deeper intimacy from being felt.

Thanks Leigh. You’ve really given me something to think about. I have felt the sexual imposition of Men from a young age, and as a result I have a tendency to contract when in the presence of Men, generally older Men.
Amongst a lot of ridiculous things you are taught in life, one is that Men are after only one thing, and this has had an impounding effect on me and I would go so far as to say most Women.
What if I took responsibility for the fact, that Men are not actually just after one thing and that they too are just looking to connect with people all the time, both Men and Women? Perhaps, if I too saw Men as people, then the reflection I would get back would be a whole lot different… Something for me to consider.

‘ Men are after only one thing, and this has had an impounding effect on me and I would go so far as to say most Women.” I was brought up with that belief too, Elodie. Interestingly, it was men who advised me otherwise, as just about every man I ever met would claim, ” I am not like other men.” I pointed out to them that all men claim that, so, therefore, it appeared no man was like other men. Which then begs the question of where we source that idea from.

Hilarious observation Coleen, and equally so poignant and true. The notion of “what men are like” is a millstone around their necks. …all of our necks in fact.
Where did it originate?
Can be innate if so many men are trying to not be like that, or at least claiming not be be like that….as though it is something disgraceful, and awful to be denied?
How did we all arrive at a point that being like “other men” is so awful that it is a selling point to be not that?
This is a great starting point for a conversation between men and women.

Agree Rachel; it is a great starting point. I often hear men apologizing on behalf of other men about their fellow brothers’ behaviour. They feel ashamed and want to distance themselves from it. We are each, men and women alike responsible for the world we have created and our conversations have to start from there.

Thank you for sharing Leigh, a very clear look at how we can use sexual energy as a way to manipulate or impose on others. I know that I have also played this game, and how awful it feels to have imposed on another when I too have felt unwelcome advances and the effect it has had on me. I no longer entertain this way of being and have found my relationships with men to be very different and more open than ever before.

Constantly scanning my environment to see if there were any men that were noticing me was extremely exhausting. My radar was well honed to detecting any small sign of attention which I needed to affirm myself as a woman, to plump up my feeling of worthiness which was totally derived from others and from outside of myself. And as you point out Leigh, the harm that we inflict upon ourselves with this behavior / thought pattern is one thing, let alone the harm and disrespect I was subjecting men to by imposing my sexual energy on them in an effort to ease the dis-ease of the emptiness I felt on the inside.

How different my life is today as I am rediscovering the fullness and richness of the beautiful woman I know myself to be from within, and taking responsibility for the quality of energy I choose to live and express my life from. And my relationship with men… as I open up more and more to the depths of my own tenderness, I can feel, see and appreciate the tenderness and gentleness that naturally resides within men too. It is a precious quality that deserves nothing less than love and respect.

Hi Leigh, there is so much that you have shared in this blog about the unspoken of sexual energy that we all feel and that plays out in day to day life. The great thing here is you have shared how both men and women fall into this and the not good enough feeling behind it. It’s wonderful to know that as we come to love and accept ourselves and let go of need in our relationships, that we can feel any interplay of sexual energy, watch it and chose to stay with the love we feel within, as in the end that is what we really want.

Wow Leigh, I appreciate the intimate way you described how the sexual energy affected you. The game that occurs between men and women seems like a lure but completely obscures us from actually appreciating and connecting to each other. We are the ones being played. I found it very inspiring to read about the equality you experience today as this issue has been a theme for me. I agree, it seems to begin and end with us accepting and loving ourselves, completely.

Amazing blog thank you. Growing up, many of my closest friends were male and I can clearly remember that changing as I felt outside pressures that my relationship with male friends could not be innocent, as I was frequently told by people around me that either I ‘must’ like (fancy) my friend or the other way around. I heard this so often I started to believe it and after going to a girls school, I went to college and picked a safe male friend (someone I was not attracted to). Your blog exposes my behavior big time! If I am attracted to someone I act in one way (trying to seek their attention) and if I don’t find them attractive I act in another way (seeing them as less than they truly are). Maybe it’s time I saw everyone as equal (which deep down, I know we are).

I can relate to what you are saying here Michelle and I can remember growing up craving and prepared to do almost anything (including sacrifice any self respect I did have) for that nod of approval or indication that a girl fancied me and feeling either elated when a girl did fancy me or feeling crushed when a girl just wanted to be ‘friends’. This shows how crazy this game is. Both outcomes were not great for my self-esteem. Why was it such a downer to be friends? After all the connection should be the same whether there is sex involved or not? The connection should be the same if we saw everyone as equal.

Andrew, you have reminded me of the same feelings and insecurities. How, I now wonder, could anyone feel disappointed with being friends, prefaced as it is with the word “just”.
If we felt the absolute beauty of true intimacy, and understood it didn’t just happen between the sheets, there would be no “just” about being friends, no disappointed need and no offence to our sense of self worth.

So true, Michelle. I remember that cruel game too: one set of behaviours and feelings for the attractive ones and another set for those lesser beings deemed “just friends.” Giving “love” a ranking order, or a pecking order, like that clearly shows how these behaviours are most certainly NOT love. Is it time to call them for what they are? i.e. mean, cruel. demeaning and separative ‘games,’ that completely thwart true affection and intimacy between people.

It is such a game that is played out between the sexes. The one I know well and always disappointed me was how men, once they found out I wasn’t interested in being sexual with them, would cut me off…it was like they didn’t know how to be friends…it was either on or not at all. I could never understand this with men as it always made sense to me to be friends first. But as I type this I do wonder if this was what I was attracting as a result of what I was casting out with such a strong focus on my body!

Hi Leigh, I can definitely relate to how you were when in the company of men, with the whole body hardening and contracting, almost in the ‘ready to go’ defence mode. I experience this a lot and can link it to the not feeling enough as well. Your whole blog made sense to me.

I can remember going in to night clubs and discos years ago and feeling my body hardening and tightening up because the intensity of the sexual energy in those places was almost clawing at me, not to mention the energy coming from women being in competition with women. The music didn’t help either as it was upping the sexual tension in the room. I don;t think I ever walked out those places feeling any love in my body but really a feeling of “thank God I survived that”. It was like being in a battle field.

Thanks Leigh, you highlight something that has me really having a double take is “responsibility for the sexual imposition that I placed on the men as well”, recognising the games we play in the socialised (usually intoxicated) world. Many thanks, it has me pondering not only my part in this but all the other players too. Love that we can come back to ourselves via Universal Medicine to the path of true loving connection and celebration – yummy!

Leigh Thank you so much for the blog as I to have also battled with the sexual energy and to see it as the energy that it is – the not good enough energy, instead of the big bad sexual energy that freaks me out! It then takes the sting out of it and the shame, guilt that I had also associated with that energy. Such a healing for me reading this.

Dear Simone,
I know exactly what you mean, for years I thought that there was something wrong with me for having so many sexual feelings at inappropriate times. 🙂 I now know deeply that like all energy it simply passes through us, if we let it. For me personally, relearning that I am a son of God and loving myself deeply makes it much easier to recognize this energy when I feel it and to loving let it be. The biggest trick for me has been in no longer judging it when I feel it. For judgement was the open door that let it flood in to my body.

” I have also battled with the sexual energy”. This energy is so assaulting on the body it actually does feel like you are in a battle with it and the defence or protection we feel is required can be sending the same energy back or contracting and reducing ourselves in believing we are not good enough. Instead it is lovely and empowering to read, Leigh about you claiming back your true and natural sexiness and I’m privileged to say I have seen you walking in this power these days more and more

This is a beautifully honest expose of how both genders use sexual energy to engage with each other in a way that, frankly, belittles both parties. I love how you were able to trace that the belief of “not being good enough” basically kept you addicted to sexual energy in your relationships with men. Leigh. This is a pattern I was well familiar with in the past and it was awesome to enjoy the clarity with which you describe it. Thank you.

Not feeling good enough. That is certainly what did it for me in the teen years. So different from when I was a pre teen girl where I spent little time wondering about if I was good enough but just was… It’s a slow road back to that feeling but as your story shows it is possible to step out of the clutches of imposing sexual energy and just be yourself again. Thank you for sharing a topic that is an important part of our lives.

As I read your comment just now Ruth, a memory popped into my head from when I was about 10. And I felt in this memory a moment of me being me, however I was criticized for what I was doing and I can remember the deep hurt I felt and as I felt that I could feel that this was one if the moments in my life where I shut down a little more. Allowing the not good enough energy to have its way. Wow, the power of throw away comments is huge. As this is simply what it was that came at me. The person never meant any harm or hurt to me, but because they were not connected to their heart, they simply spoke, without true care and responsibility. My goodness this is highlighting for me the responsibility that I now hold. Thank you deeply Ruth.

Well where do I start on this topic…in my 20’s & most of my 30’s I used my body to get attention from men. My version of sexy was how I looked on the outside and so much of my attention was in cultivating a certain image and dressing in a way that would show off my best assets…my voluptuous breasts being the body part most on show. Everywhere I looked this was the norm…women competing with other women with how sexy they could ‘look’.

In recent years I have been inspired by some women whom I would call true role models. I have come to realise that true sexy is not about how I look or the size of my breasts, but an inner presence that when connected to oozes confidence and is super sexy. When I feel the sexual energy from men coming my way that I used to crave for in the past, it feels awful and is such a turn off…funny how things change once we change our own perception and awareness.

Marika, it is so super beautiful that things do change as our perception on life grows with understanding that is promoted from the love we hold ourselves with. It never ceases to amaze me that I was not aware of just how much of what I accepted as being normal and ok, is actually imposing and demoralising. I am forever grateful that I have chosen to hold myself with love.

Thank you Leigh for your honest and courageous article. And de-mystify the dynamics of what can play out between men and women. As a man I find it very uncomfortable when I feel sexual energy from women. Part of me enjoys the attention because it make me feel good about myself, but another part of me feels unseen and rejected because of feeling objectified and not truly met as the tender and powerful man I am discovering myself to be.

Wow, there is a whole conference-worth of discussion to be had on this topic and deeper pondering on it for me, thank you Leigh. I have played these games too and appreciate the responsibility you bring to the fore here.

Jen I have read your comment a few times and every time I do I smile. Yes there is much that can be discussed on this topic, and I hope that through us having the conversation that it makes this topic more easily talked about in the wider world.

Yes Jen it is a huge subject worth talking more about, and it also feels like women have been confused about themselves because of how this energy plays out in our lives. I reduced the natural sensuality and sexiness I felt as a woman because I confused it with sleaziness and coming on to men. I like Leigh then didn’t feel I was good enough. There is much to understand around this subject.

Thank you for your honesty and fragility – I have seen how I too have used hooks and lures to get sexual attention from men to temporarily fill my own emptiness – of course if a man was to show any interest in me, genuine or otherwise, I would run a mile – it was a game I played because I was yet to feel my own inner-beauty and worthiness of love. Healing the hurts behind this has been an unfolding process, and thanks to Natalie Benhayon and the Women in Livingness presentations I have come a long way back to being my whole and beauty-full self.

Dear Gemma, yes there are many hurts for me that through the support of Esoteric Practitioners that I too have been able to heal and let go of. For me the joy I now feel in living my days is a miracle, one I never dreamed could be my way of being, but it now is.

I can relate Leigh and Gemma. Sexually alluring a man used to be a common and easy ploy — ultimately i would use my body as bait. In that there was no space for the true me. what i was offering was body parts and a personality that would please. No wonder I would walk away from each such relationship feeling deeply disillusioned and sad in myself. That behaviour would take me further and further away from my inner beauty, which now is so dear and precious to me and it is this true essence of me that is just gorgeous to present in all my relationships.

Dear Katerina,
I love how you say that your true essence is so prescious to you and how this true essence of you is gorgeous to present in all relationships. As I read this I can feel the joy and playfulness, the lightness and absolute acceptance of self. My heart felt a little warmer for reading this.

Katerina I loved your words here – “my inner beauty, which now is so dear and precious to me and it is this true essence of me that is just gorgeous to present in all my relationships.” Now when we present this in our relationships girls, what everyone gets is our true sexiness as it is part of our natural womanly essence. Today this is an energy I love within myself.

I know so well what you are talking about Leigh. I have used sexual interest from men as well to feel good or even, what I thought was, to feel loved. Now as I have deepened my relationship with myself and really honour myself I am so much less likely to accept any less than true love for me as a woman. For me true love is never laced with any form a sexual energy. I sometimes catch myself in feeling good when a man whistles at me or something but I can now feel that it might be his way to show he finds me beautiful but just has not learned any other way to express that and that it is indeed my own responsibility to not let it affect me. Thank you Leigh, beautiful blog.

What a nugget of wisdom to share, “‘ready to defend’ stance, and this is then how I interacted with the male.” I know now I did this and very rarely still do this, but had not really ben aware of it. It has taken a while to unearth that this happens before I even think about it…it says victim, it says rejection, it says so much, I am feeling much more gentle and warm towards men in general and it is lovely to feel an equality that was not there previously in my interactions.

‘It has taken a while to unearth that this happens before I even think about it.’ Yes, I can relate to this Samantha, it happens faster than we even know it happens. So it helps to observe, be aware and step by step uncover all the hidden hurts that hold me in this stream of behaviour.

Dear Lieke,
What you have shared here is beautiful. When we can feel that a wolf whistle is not coming with any sexual energy, but with true appreciation of our beauty shows us that we are truly letting go of judgement and allowing ourselves to simply feel what is there to be felt in any moment. Much appreciation from me for your comment.

What an accurate description of what plays out between people so often and why. The lack of worth we hold in ourself opens to a vicious cycle you describe so well. Love that you discover the depths and workings of it as you write with such openness. This is a conversation that needs to be had the world over.

Yep, a conversation absolutely needed Kate, as there is so much misunderstanding and lack of awareness around sexuality and our relationship with it. Understanding our own relationship with our own sexuality as women might surprise a few of us out there. Men too.

Excellent blog. I too can recall this sort of very discreet sexual energy that kicks in when we hit high school and for some of us during the later stages of primary school. It’s where we stop seeing everyone as our ‘friends’ but rather a girl or boy we could potentially be interested in. Becoming friends is still not a problem however we endeavour not to be caught in the ‘friend zone’ as we leave room to possibly ‘go there’.
When the sexual energy angle comes first a real and deep friendship can’t be grown.

This is so true Luke, when sexual energy is present we are constantly holding back with this wondering, what if it happens with this person. This is so yucky I know. And definitely no true love or true connection is possible when sexual energy of any kind is dominating our interaction with a potential partner.

This is a big topic which is well worth exploring. I loved the way you exposed that women are just as guilty of using sexual energy as men. Women know sexual energy can be used to manipulate, feel powerful or in control. I must admit I didn’t really see (or want to see) how I used it until I became more aware of energy. Then I could clearly feel the quality of the energy and how imposing it was. Yuk! When there is no sexual energy playing out, and men and women come together in equalness, then there is potential for loving relationships to develop.

This blogs shows the importance of asking the question why we do things and what is our role in it. That is taking responsibility. Lack of self-worth issues are there for so many issues and play out in many different forms where seeking (sexual) attention or recognition and appreciation from men can be one of them. Great to realize love is our foundation. Love for ourself and love with others. Love is all we are and all we long for all the time.

Dear Monika,
Yes the lack of self worth plays out in every part of our lives. And as I am discovering it is very sneaky how at times it affects me. I am much more across this energy, but am being constantly surprised as to how and when I find myself dropping back into the pattern of it. It happens so quickly and with such refinement that I can now see how I had made it my way of being. The most beautiful thing now is that I am becoming much more aware of the tricks that my spirit uses. Sometimes I don’t feel it as it happens, but most often now I become aware that it has at some stage through the day. I know deeply that this awareness is becoming more acute for me, because I know deeply that I am Love and that I come from Love.

Thanks Leigh for raising such a common issue in your blog. I definitely find relationships with both men and women far more genuine and enjoyable when I catch myself getting caught on the ‘not being good enough’ hook.

Sexual energy has kept me distant from so many people. If a women is attractive I have either gone into not good enough especially if she hasn’t shown me any interest or I have gone into imposing a sexual energy onto her. Either one is not connecting with who is there. As I write and can feel how dirty this feels and how freely I have given my power away. I would say that in my teenage years that almost every interaction was laced with sexual energy.

Dear Daniel,
You are not alone here, I too can freely say the same. However for me it was not just my teen years, but most of my Adult life. For me there has been a deep knowing that men and women can be deep caring loving friends, yet I was totally unable to live this innate truth. Every interaction for me with men was laced with the tension of sexual energy. It was horrible. My body was in constant held tension the moment I found myself alone with a man, or sometimes even when in the company of others. This tension for me made it impossible for me to communicate how uncomfortable this actually felt. So in my silence this energy continued to be present in my interactions with men. Now though, slowly, gently with much honour for myself I am letting go of this and connecting with men and finding that as I do there is an instant ease of communication, a feeling of trust. A stillness and trust in myself that is so very humbling.

It is so true what you write Leigh, if we don’t feel complete within ourselves we fall into the traps of any of those society games we play between the sexes. It is really wonderful to read your realisation about your part in this destructive game we play and it has helped me to ponder my own part and the responsibility I have, to be all of me before communicating with anyone, man or woman.

I found reading this blog very interesting. What I could feel as I was reading was how we grow up not really knowing how to relate to others, because we have lost the ability to relate to ourselves, so we take on all these different ways of getting attention and some type of connection. I too have used sexual energy to make myself feel better, to validate my existence in the world, all because I could not feel my own worth as a person and as a woman. It is a vicious cycle and a very harming one, as it keeps all parties going around and around, until we come back to connecting to ourselves. By connecting back to myself I have gradually been able to feel my value and worth and so now no longer need to get this through sexual energy. I now have relationships with men that are intimate and close with no sexual energy in sight, just two people enjoying each others company, and this feels amazing.

I am discovering this too Robyn, that I can have close relationships with men that do not have any sexual energy present – part of this has been discovering how truly tender and sensitive men are. It has been lovely to start to open to men in this way because previously there had definitely been a wariness to opening to a man in case he thought I was making myself sexually available.

Thanks Leigh for an inspired blog. It has taken me a very long time to accept my part in feeling what sexual energy was actually about. Blaming men was the usual gambit for feeling dirty, and unlovable. Even then I could feel the difference between just accepting men as equal to myself and the posturing that went on when there was a hint of sexual energy. A lot of ‘how’, ‘what’ and ‘why’ questions were asked of myself to feel then truly honour and accept men as equals.

Thank you Leigh for writing this article. I can relate to so much of what you share. Feeling lesser was dominant in my life and I saw men almost as a different species to women. Now as I feel the equalness in everyone and feel the tenderness in men, I have beautiful friendships with men and appreciate their company as an equal human being.

I also saw men as different species as well, almost forgotten that they are just like us human beings. I still do this but I am learning and exploring to let this go and to just be myself with men. This is new territory for me and it is true, when I am not feeling good enough or there is an insecurity, I want the attention from men. It is like checking ‘hey, are you looking at me’, and when they are, it gives me a sense of relief. Great sharing this blog and something I am going to take with me in my exploration.

Leigh I really appreciated the opportunity to read this blog. It is an ouch to realise that I have encouraged so much sexual energy from men when it always left me feeling repulsed. Like you I can now see that whenever I look to approval from a man to feel ‘sexy’ it comes from a feeling that I am not good enough and is very imposing.

When I allow myself to feel how naturally lovely I am with no desire to hook another I get to feel what it is like to truly be sexy and this is an absolute joy. True sexy allows you to connect to yourself and others and it has a playful, natural and lovely feel.

Hi Leonne,
Oh so yes, true sexy is so beautiful and freeing for my body, as it is who I am, I have been exploring a little over the past weeks as to where and when I dull this amazing feeling of true sexy. This has been a very revealing experiment, and one that has revealed many aspects of my life where for whatever reason, never a loving reason, I might add, that I hold this back. And in connecting to what I am doing, this is offering me the choice to allow my true sexy out in these situations. Loving it I am.

Thank you for writing a blog about this important topic. I can relate to feeling not good enough, and falling for the belief that the sexual energy from men was actually Love that I thought I needed to feel good enough and complete. I used to believe that getting that attention and that sexual energy would fill up the emptiness I felt inside. It turned out to be sort of an addiction. A drug. However, now, I take FULL responsibility for myself and am in the process of reclaiming myself in FULL and chose love for me first.

Taking responsibility for any of our thoughts and words and deeds is a great step, taking responsibility for dragging ourselves out of the sexual morass that pervades the world is a big step indeed. Sexual messages pervade music videos, renown TV shows are soft porn and get away with it, and bringing our kids up with an awareness of balance and harmony in their male female interactions is now something that has to be actively undertaken by all parents to give our children the chance of having a relationship that is anywhere near true love.

Dear Chris, what you say here about the use of sexual energy in music, video clips, tv shows etc as being soft porn is so true. The message that comes with this of seeking sex, portraying that that is where you will find love, is so very misleading for everyone, but especially for our children. Yes each of us is responsible for showing that this way of relating does not have to be the way. Having conversations like this in our wider communities is much needed.

I so agree with you Leigh and Chris, it is a big step to drag ourselves out of the sexual morass but honest conversations like these between women and men, men and women are a great start for us to explore this whole area and open it up. And of course this is so needed as a counter reflection for our young people to understand that there is something different to what is commonly on offer – the usual sexual fare.

I can relate to what you say here Leigh, I too have experienced using sexual energy as a game and realize how truly hurtful this is in any relationship. Not feeling good enough had its reigns on me; but now taking responsibility for me is making a huge difference. Thank you this has been a very inspiring and healing blog.

Leigh, your honesty is a gift for everyone, certainly giving me the opportunity to revisit how I relate to men and whether I hold my own love, which I certainly have not in the past. I am much more aware of this now that I have a greater understanding of what ‘holding my own love’ truly means. If we feel the equality and essence of who we are, then not to hold this is to sabotage our opportunities to feel and see that in another. Sexual energy takes a back seat to truly meeting another for who they/we are and connecting with them from this place.

Leigh you have captured sexual energy so perfectly in this blog. I can relate so much to attracting it (from all the wrong places!) to feel good about myself and cringing when it presented itself when I didn’t want it. Thank you for the opportunity to reflect deeper on this.

Your words Leigh, -‘ I could not actually deepen any friendships with men, as to me that meant that you had to ‘go there’ (sexually) with them.’ are awesome. I loved having friendships with men but they could never go anywhere unless one or both of us agreed that the relationship was going to be sexual. If I wasn’t interested in that as a goal, then I wasn’t really that interested. The sex part was the carrot, even though the friendship offered me much more. And so, yes, then it was only natural to modify behaviour in order to be sexy and then to use sex as a hook and then on and on it goes…..I never truly considered just being me and developing a friendship first – that just didn’t seem to enter my head ! But all the while, I was only ever wanting to be all of me and to meet someone who was super comfortable being all of himself and so we could hang out together and play and talk – just being tender and gorgeous together. Thank heavens I can do that now and that I can really experience the loveliness of men and women together.

Thank you dearly Deb, your sharing is a great support for me just now. In a moment in an interaction today I felt myself go into old patterns of wanting to be liked, wanting to fit in. I felt it and observed it and very quickly realised how it made me begin to act in a false manner. How super powerful is it to see this and feel this, and then choose to be me again.

Leigh, you really bring up a topic here that makes me ponder. It definitely provides me with more awareness about the effect of sexual energy on relationships.
In my teens I couldn’t handle the sexual energy at all, now I realise why I naturally backed away from it, but back then for me not getting this sexual attention felt like rejection. As you say Leigh, not feeling good enough.
But I have to nominate that I felt myself a victim in this playing field that I didn’t master and that affected my relationships for a long time. So I didn’t show the whole of me to protect myself from getting hurt……Wow, so far I didn’t look at it this way. Time to take responsibility for that and claim me for the woman I am.

I have enjoyed re reading your blog Leigh. The ‘not feeling good enough’ is a sneaky energy that has its tendrils and pops up in all sorts of places. I can very much relate to what you have expressed in wanting sexual attention from males and enjoying the little moment of high that it gives me, confirming that yes, I am ‘good enough’. It is kind of like a hit of sugar. Just for a moment, but at the end of the day, I am left once the sugar hit wears off with just me. So the way I have been working on healing this so that I am not looking for this attention outside of myself is to develop my own inner connection and through this connection I feel I am enough.

A powerful article Leigh exposing the imposing sexual energy. I too played with this energy but often was left feeling played with and feeling down on myself for giving myself over to it. Sexual energy is such an imposing, manipulative and hooking energy which does not allow any true expression or a loving connection to be shared and is not honouring in any way for ourselves or another. I love how you have taken responsibility and reclaimed ‘the beautiful, vibrant, sexy woman that I am, I can feel that my relationships with men and my interaction with men and women is changing; it is becoming simple, accepting and honouring for both them and myself. I can now feel an equality and I no longer feel inferior to men. As I expose the ‘not good enough’ energy and now walk in my tenderness and love and deepen this tenderness and love in my life every day, I can now truly enjoy the company of people, both males and females.’ Super inspiring – thank you.

Dear Carola, in reading your comment, I can feel again the simple ness that is created in our lives when we make our interactions with people about connection, all of the other ‘things’ become very insignificant. Thank you.

Leigh that is the golden key to getting ourselves off the hook! Make relationships about connecting, about love, and nothing else. Learn to connect with ourselves first, to love ourselves first and from that foundation what is true will naturally, harmoniously and unfold with all others. I just let out an enormous sigh. This is a divine revelation.

I can totally relate Leigh. I have felt sexual energy from men and felt grossed by it and yet I also know that I have incited it to gain recognition and acceptance. It seems messed up when you point it out like that. How can for one instance it be okay and for the next instance it not be okay. Seems to be that because we are getting what we want in that instance we think it’s better.

Dear Emily,
You have exposed the biggest problem that we have in our world today. Thinking something is ok, because we get what we want. Using sexual energy or any energy to get something is never ok. And we know this because on some level we feel this truth. Always. It is only through our commitment to living from our love can we begin to see the truth of this very erroneous way of living.

Thank you dearly Leigh, this is the perfect blog for me today. I love how you have exposed sexual energy and find it very inspiring that you are taking responsibility for this when you feel it. I could relate to so much of what you have written Leigh. In the past the emptiness within me would have welcomed the sexual energy because it was a distraction from how disconnected I felt inside but then once I felt the energy I would feel the yuck it came with and be very harsh on my self that I had wanted attention in that way. I have been allowing myself to be more understanding of my past choices and to realise that in the past I did not have the level of love that I have now in my body and this lack of love lead to making unloving choices. I have been building self-love in my body by deeply caring and nurturing me and this now supports me to make truer choices and to have relationships based on love and true connection. I love how you expressed “I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in”.

Thanks Leigh for sharing an interesting blog which got me contemplating. I see this craving for attention a lot in teenagers and young adults. I certainly wanted any sort of attention from a man when I was a teenager, partly because I didn’t get it from my father. I often mistook attention of any type as some kind of love which I was looking for and of course it absolutely was not – almost always quite the opposite. I feel free of this now partly because I have been married for 22 years to a super gorgeous man who is totally there with me and also because of the healing and reconnecting to myself that I have done with the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Ultimately all the love, attention and sexiness that I could ever want I already have within.

Thank you Leigh for a powerful and exposing blog. What a strong and mis-understood energy sexually energy is. How it all gets mixed up and confused with all sorts of of other self-judgments, interpretations and social pressures which, if only we were supported and nurtured to value and and appreciate ourselves from young, would not occur.

How so very true Jonathon. What an opportunity we have now to support the young to know themselves in full. So that they will know succinctly when ever there is energy at play that does not equal the love that comes from within them.

Leigh this is an awesome blog. Women learn that their value is measured by their sexual attraction towards men and this replaces then their self-worth. It’s totally contradictory as you describe it so clearly and it keeps us in a cycle of self abuse that we can only cut by taking responsibility and stopping the sexual energy we are contributing to this game. Thank you for sharing your experience and opening a conversation on it.

Rachel, what you have shared about women learning that there value is measured by their sexual attraction to men certainly hits home. As growing up this seemed to be the way it is for girls and women. I am so pleased that I have learnt that there is great falseness behind this oh so present reality and that by us having conversations around this, that we are breaking this belief and cutting its falseness. Offering to all women the gift of there very own self worth.

Leigh, your blog exposes what goes on in many relationships – so true that women are often just as much responsible as men for ‘sexual imposition’.
The more we can discern sex from love the more we can allow ourselves to be truly sexy and simply enjoy being in a female body connecting to men as fellow human beings.

I have also found when I was younger, constantly seeking male attention incites jealousy and comparison in other women – it’s like a double edged sword – imposing on to men and inciting competition, jealousy and comparison in women. That in itself loads up our relationships to the max. It affects everyone.

It so does Susan, such a horrible merry go round, yet one that is played out every where every day. As I have become much more aware of discerning sexual energy it is forever shocking me as to where and why it is used. I felt in a man yesterday that it was proof to him that he is a man. Oh how sad I felt when I felt this, why is there such a need in our men to prove they are what they already are. Love expressed, and shown is the only thing that will support each of us to fully accept who we are, men, or women.

I love your honesty and your ability to take responsibility Leigh.
I felt your wisdom and courage as I reread your blog.
Like many others I can totally relate to your experiences and the imposing sexual energy.

I can very well relate to what you are sharing Lee.
Feeling sexual interest – and in fact encouraging it – from other men, be it my partner or strangers, has been one of my markers to feel worthy at all.
Isn’t it strange how much we abuse ourselves and others so that we do not have to look at our own issues and hurts?

Michael, yes it is truly horrible how we harm ourselves and others by using sexual energy in any way. The absolute harm in this is how it is accepted as ok for most people. There are so many jokes, innuendos and suggestions around this energy that while feeling horrible have become the “norm” in our conversations and interactions with others. It is up to us to call it when we feel it and no longer play along with it.

Growing up I had issues with lack of self worth and not being good enough. I married young to my first boyfriend so never really had much experience with men, and didn’t really know what it felt like to flirt or get chatted up. Well, after my divorce at the age of 51 I certainly made up for that! Flirting at every opportunity, especially after the odd glass or two! Did it make me feel happy, no. Now I realise I was just looking for love and attention, but it left me feeling even more empty and lonely. After finding Universal Medicine I realised that the only place I was going to find true love was inside me, then I would naturally feel to share that love with others. It dawned on me that why do we allow this sexual energy get in the way? Are we then limiting ourselves in making that true loving connection with the opposite sex, by allowing the sexual energy to come in and detract us from building a true relationship based on true love and mutual respect.

I can remember and I am not proud of it at all but I was counting at some point the men I had sex with, thinking that this was a cool thing to do. I was very much into getting men’s attention and a very easy catch. For me having sex and sending out sexual energy was my way to feel good about myself and get recognition. when a man was interested I felt good about myself. This has been a huge pattern. I had such a lack of self love and self worth and I was numbing myself with sex and different partners.

Leigh so much of what you have written I relate too. And its awesome to now not feel that anymore with men, in fact its sort of miraculous! I hadn’t really thought about it before reading this but in the interactions I have with men I see them as people not something to be attracted to or by, the object has been replaced by a connection and love for others that is not gender based. This is totally down to the inspiration I have found in the interactions with Serge and other men at the Universal Medicine courses and this now is how I experience most men. Awesome!

Wow this was a big, unexpected ouch in my body to read “that I actually let this sexual energy into my body?” . I have been and am very aware of sexual energy and the imposition and yucky feeling it has, but I had not realised just how much I had let in my body. More than probably because I react to it. I too know I needed attention from men, coming from a not feeling beautiful enough within myself. This is something I am now able to see, call out and observe. And know at these time if it creeps back in then this is in fact an opportunity for me to deepen my love and appreciation of myself. But I also agree that I have had and do have a responsibility here, from this need of not feeling good enough I have imposed on beautiful and tender men. And not allowed them to be all that they are, but instead put a belief or stereo type, conditioning on them, and boy that hurts big time for both, as I am not allowing us both to simply just be and meet each other for who we really are.

What your blog reveals to me Leigh Strack, is the fact that we use sexual energy to cover our lack of self worth and that we tend to impose all our female/male relations with this sexual energy. By doing so we are not able to truly connect to the other person but have the interdependent sexual energy in between which in turn keeps us all imprisoned in this way of relating to each other. Therefore it is great that you expose here what sexual energy actually does to our relationships and it feels time for me to let go of the need for this sexual energy to be in my life and within all my relationships.

Leigh this is a super post, thank you for writing it. As you expose the unease or inferiority many women, and i include my former self here, face when being with men and feeling the sexual energy, or as i use to feel it whenever walking into a room full of men or past guys, reading the energy as if I’m – ‘being up for sale or purchase’, ‘something lovely to take’, or ‘be snared’, in other words – that the woman was always for the taking by the ‘upper-handed’ man, and that’s the order of how life is in our gendered roles. Totally false of course. Yet it is what we so often buy into when there is no self-worth. And that when you feel this, your body, communication and even verbal speech can alter and become less, or hold yourself smaller in position, and therefore increase the sense of being worth less – to feed the read energy (!). Crazy.
Self-love leads to self-worth or a holding one’s value and just being comfortable in one’s own skin or feeling totally together and with-oneself…. which leads to equal-ness with another to adjust the scale back to its true state of equilibrium. Harmony.

Leigh I love the honesty and openness you write with here. This is a conversation that is so important to have. Interactions between men and women have always been laced with sexual energy and both parties are affected and left feeling less from this. As each person begins their honest and non judgemental reflection on this topic and begins to change how they are in these interactions, they then offer an opportunity for another to do the same. Through this we have the ability to create change in all our relationships as you have begun to do.

Thank you Leigh this great blog shows how we as women play our part in the game of domination and sexual objectification. Every force has an equal and opposite force and one side can only be played when the other side plays its part too. It is time that the world understands that there is no game, but that it is all about connection and love.

So true Libby, a very big ouch, another layer of this is presenting for me right now. I am beginning to feel how harming it is to pat my self on the back, so to speak. As in doing this in the way I have been is such a tell. Living from my centre the deep knowing in my body just is. To see this as being something special though straight away means that I have allowed the belief that I am not simply naturally so. Has allowed the not good enough to sneakily appear and so very sneakily take me away from my innate inner self.

Leigh, it’s a great topic that you have raised. I recognize that I too used a sexual energy in my interactions with men. Not just men that I was actually attracted to but to men in general. I had a kind of sexual energy running that I knew would hook most men in. It feels pretty awful to say but I also saw men who had partners as targets for my sexual manipulation as well. I think that I saw them as greater conquests. I feel that I behaved this way out of lack of self worth. ‘Getting attention’ was a small ‘up’ for me to feel but of course it had no roots at all.

Great to bring up the topic of sexual tension between men and women. It has felt to me also to be about not feeling enough and seeking connection with another, when not truly honouring the connection with myself. When making the choice to simply reconnect, I can see so clearly how that tension is really mental and emotional (based on imagination and not reality) and is truly a waste of time and energy.

This is such a refreshingly honest read, Leigh.
So often, it seems that ‘blame’ is placed upon ‘men only’ for the tensions and ‘play of energy’ that can go on between men and women sexually. That you have taken complete responsibility for your own part in this as a woman, offers understanding and empowerment to everyone, both men and women alike.
What we can ‘project’ as women can be felt as quite an assault to men, just as such projection from men can be to us. It is fabulous to open up these conversations in the public sphere. Thank-you.

I love this expose of sexual energy Leigh – powerful stuff indeed. As Victoria has nailed, society often lays the blame on men but women most definitely have a part – and I had not allowed myself to feel it fully until reading this. I can feel how I too have played this role and did not allow myself to have any tender relationships with men, feeling threatened, feeling cynical and believing it was the only way I could relate to men. But to take it deeper as you have that it was an insidious way to feel ‘not good enough’ to then allow the encounter or interaction to throw me into even deeper depths of not feeling ‘good enough’ is profound. I sabotaged so many relationships and denied the opportunity to share in a loving relationship by degrading it to sexual energy. It was a choice I always chose. OUCH.

But the not feeling good enough is so harming – by viewing ourselves in this way we assume others view ourselves this way too – whether it is the sexual energy from men, or any interaction with anyone in any context – and it puts us immediately in defence, reaction but also does not give others any choice. How incredibly imposing.

Thank you for opening this discussion, which I shall continue to reflect on and go deeper and deeper with. An awesome article Leigh.

Gina,
The not feeling good enough is so harming, by viewing ourselves this way we asume others view us this way too. This is such a powerful sentence, it highlights the never ending circle we can find ourselves in as it constantly supports the insidious lie that we are not good enough. Every time another raises their voice in our presence, or challenges us or in any way says something that is hurtful we have taught ourselves to take every thing personally, simply be giving our power to the belief we are not good enough. To now have learnt to read the truth of situations, there are many times now where I can feel the truth of where a person is coming from, and take things much less personally. Allowing my love to hold my body, this has allowed me to respond to situations with out defense, with instead the simplicity of honesty and truth. This is definitely a work in progress for me and not yet fully mastered, yet I know innately that one day it will be.

Brilliant the way you unpick this Leigh, how any challenge from the outside, can immediately trigger us into the not good enough belief. As you say staying with our own loving connection, allows a reading of what is really going on and a much more true response is possible. Something I am learning and becoming more aware of myself.

Dear Leigh, your honesty calls me to take a very honest look at where in my life I have imposed upon another. There are many many examples to reflect upon and that period in my life represents a time when I struggled with self-worth and definitely had no real sense of self-love. My inability to be comfortably with myself was projected to members of the opposite sex, with neither left feeling very good as a consequence. This is a huge topic, one I will take with me through the rest of the day. With thanks to you for raising these issues.

Dear Jennifer,
Today I found myself feeling uncomfortable during conversation with other people. What I found so profound about this is that I felt it, silently nominated it to myself and continued to hold my love inside my body. Without saying anything the energy that was present dissipated and the feeling of discomfort left as quick as it came on. An experience that I now hold very dear, the power of us being ourselves is never to be underestimated. We all know that at times we have to speak up, but today I felt no inclination to do so, so didn’t. The next most powerful understanding, is that at times, we need do nothing, our love is all that is needed.

Powerful stuff Leigh, I had not considered things in this way before. I too felt have felt this sexual energy from males and did as you say go into protecting myself or shutting down to it. I hadn’t considered my own role in imposing this upon others, but wow what a lightbulb moment as of course this would have been occurring! Of course it is about self-acceptance and self love (or lack there of). I love how you write that you now view all others with love and if you feel the sexual energy rise up, see it for what it is, take responsibility and come back to the love you are. Thanks for your honesty it has made me look more honestly at myself.

“I can feel now that every time I found myself in a male’s company – whether it be friend, relative, acquaintance, essentially any male company – my body hardened into a protective, ‘ready to defend’ stance, and this is then how I interacted with the male.” I can relate to this very much. I even started to harden towards my own son when I felt him growing older and toughening up. But meeting hardness with hardness definitively does not help instead it builds a wall in between where we stop feeling our natural tender, warm, caring love. Realising this and opening up again, allowing myself to be fragile is truly wonderous and all the toughness melts in this true power. Now I see men as the tender, sensitive, caring beings they too are and this is very beautiful.

‘Now I see men as the tender, sensitive, caring beings they too are and this is very beautiful.’ This statement is beautiful, and I feel it in men too. It is so different to how they used to look to me, how could I have missed it? It begs the question of what was running my sense of perception? The needy, hurt and defensive spirit.

This was very inspiring and healing for me to read. Thank you, Leigh. I can so relate to your feeling dirty and sleazy, or accepted/recognised/validated when exposed a sexual energy, as the one who receives or the one who imposes. I didn’t realise how “I am not good enough” was playing out in this – although it now feels so obvious. Just another great example of how we can disconnect from the love we are within, and look for a substitute outside and indulge in complications. Genius.

Leigh I read the same article as you and had a really similar response. Looking back I think that I cast a sexual energy towards all men, I think it was literally just how I was around men. I know that I used to have very low self esteem and I think that I got a small ‘lift’ from the attention I got from men, even if I didn’t fancy them. It was the attention that I sought, I think it made me feel liked/attractive. I also remember having to keep men interested constantly otherwise I would feel very unseen.

Dear Fumiyo,
It does get very complicated when we look for love outside ourselves, what I now feel from deep with in is the more I let my love simply be in my body, the more I love all others, I am more able now to lovingly care for others than ever before. The deep knowing that I can only do this now because I love myself is deeply humbling. What is so humbling for me is just how much our world is set up for us to not remember who we are and that the only way to love another is to love ourselves first. It is truly up to each of us to see the setup for what it is and to consistantly choose our love as our way to be in the world.

It is beautiful what you say, “if we chose to see that the world is set up for us to not be who we are and consistently chose our own self love no matter what, we can love another”. I can feel in your words that you practice this, and I feel the urgency for everybody to know and realise, although, as you say, “it is a choice to see the set up for what it is”.

I love how you have gone there with this subject Leigh. This divisive way of being is the complete opposite of connection and true appreciation. It is something I have grown up with and let be my way, so I deeply appreciate how you have highlighted our responsibility, to love and honour ourselves – always. It’s brilliant to read how you can now enjoy the beautiful, vibrant, sexy woman that you are, free from this ugly way of being.

You are so right Felix. I am stunned when I allow myself to feel how much I allowed sexual energy within my intimate relationships with men. I was absolutely under the illusion that sexual energy within a relationship was a good thing but now I can feel that sexual energy is a horrible imposition on all parties and allowing it within any relationship feels abusive.

What you have exposed here Leigh is something I think many men and women will relate to. I know I certainly acted in similar ways and felt the tension of sexual energy, and didn’t really know what to do with it. Sometimes wanting it and encouraging it, sometimes being repulsed by it. Now I can feel it and not buy into it either way, and yet share a much deeper love with male friends and can even connect with men who I don’t know, as two people, who love. It is so different and so beautiful.

As I contemplate your blog Leigh I realise I have used sexual energy as a barometer to judge men. If I don’t feel any tension then my level of attention is different. This has been obvious for a while now, I just didn’t get ‘ it is an energy’ that I allow in.

I really enjoy such comments as yours Merrilee about energy and how absence of tension affects level of attention. Very simply put. I feel it could work both ways, where a degree of tension helps me to come to myself and be attentive to what I am feeling. On the other hand, I perceive a degree of tension as so uncomfortable that I want to be attentive to anything else on the planet other than what is going on inside me! For me it was this discomfort that makes me ‘not get it’ as you say, even though it is obvious. What makes it more uncomfortable is that at some point I did make a choice to let that energy in, so it seems to be a discomfort around accepting responsibility.

I know exactly what you mean Merrilee. If I feel no sexual energy from a man I judge him as ‘safe’ and become a little more willing to connect but my body always feels like it is on high alert detecting any hint of sexual energy and if I feel it I am out of there. This blog allows me to really connect with the fact that sexual energy is a 2 way street. I can feel that I have craved attention from and connection to men. Sexual energy is the easiest way to receive the ‘attention hit’ but this is not what i really want at all. I can feel I need to let men in in full in order to begin to heal this.

I can relate to what you share here Merrilee, using sexual energy as a barometer to judge men. I too in the past have used that one. There are so many things that we can bring into a relationship, like categorizing, as in, a potential partner, and if not, don’t meet them with the same enthusiasm or commitment, to then constantly seeing their faults and then telling yourself, he is not for me and so on.
It seems as soon as we bring in anything other than our true love, presence and commitment to just meeting the other in full as an equal, we have already tainted the relationship.

Until the reckoning with actually seeing what sexual energy is, the thickness of it’s hold can be so alienating and controlling. Once seen, felt and renounced, it’s one of the most freeing things a man or woman can do, in order to make way for greater truth in relationships.

Very well said Oliver, the hold sexual energy can have on us is imprisoning. It gives us the rush and high of the pleasure and then drops us down again, like yo-yos on a merry-go-round that we think we have control of — we don’t.

I agree, it’s a really gripping energy and easy to identify with but since the feeling of emptiness is pretty much unavoidable it is telling that it’s not natural. Love and true intimacy is everlasting though.

Great point Annelies, I have also alway been pointing my finger at the men. as they were the ones with the sexual energy but this is not true at all. Ough indeed. It has been me, wanting attention and trying this by using sexual energy and being ‘the sexual tempting flirting woman’.

We have gone through, or heard of, situations with plenty of sexual tension, desire etc. These situations may ‘resolve’ and the tension relieved. Or they may not. Independently of outcomes in this regard, the important question to ask is whether this kind of situations open the door to love and a deep feeling of meeting someone or whether the emptiness and the deep feeling of not having been met reemerges afterwards.

Awesome Leigh,
It became apparent how much I harden into a protective ‘ready to defend’ way as well around men. This is a great blog, as for women we don’t like feeling the sexual energy and can spot it from a mile away.. We talk about ‘that creepy guy’ yet we don’t talk about or acknowledge our responsibility and part in it all.

I really enjoyed how you brought in the importance of responsibility here Leigh. Actually looking at the part we have to play in situations we find uncomfortable or yucky is a great way of unraveling what is really going on and engaging in true healing so we can understand ourselves and each other. Thank you.

To relate to another person with sexual energy or often actually emotional need expressed with sexual energy, was very familiar to me or even the only way I knew to seek intimacy and it took some effort to stop it and relate not to an sexual object that potentially would give me the desired attention and recognition but to see and feel the other for the whole person they are. From there the person is being seen, respected and can also be appreciated and enjoyed for the beautiful woman or man that they are without a need or imposition.

“To see and feel the other for the whole person ther are.” This simple profound statement is one we all need to give much more awareness to. For in doing this there can be nothing but love inside us. Thank you Alex

Having nothing but love inside us and expressing from there is the most beautiful feeling. To have this more consistently is my aim and thank goodness for Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Esoteric Women’s Health for supporting me to build more consistently loving ways.

I learn from reading your comment, cause i definitely have used sexual energy to express my emotional need, and realized afterwards that i wasn´t actually respecting the person, but separated from them. There is such a difference when one is driven by sexual energy. The fullness, connection and warmth is gone. I am still learning as in the past I have been very identified with that energy, falsely believing it was a way to Love or a way to God.

This is such an awesome blog Leigh. I feel I can relate to all of what you have shared here and I have definitely got some ways to go with this. What I find is that I can meet a man being open and innocent, just being myself, but then pull back when I feel him open up in response just in case he gets the wrong idea. There is more here too if I’m completely honest and that is a fear of being rejected, so in order to maintain my position and not lose face, I shut down again and pull away. Sadly this is then most likely going to trigger rejection in the man and so the game continues. I am becoming more and more aware of when this happens and so thankfully it is no longer my default behaviour. Your blog has Leigh, has inspired me to make this my focus. Thank You.

Thank you Lucy for expressing this. I can so relate with this pattern of being open and innocently just me and then when there is respons closing down again to avoid the intimacy that is there in that moment to feel. It just shows how we allow complications to come in from holding onto old experiences, hurts, fears… instead of allowing us to take the next step in the same openess and then just deal with whatever comes up next. I also realised that whenever I feel hurt by rejection it is because I first rejected me in my fullness and this is a big ouch.

I love all you have shared Lucy, where you talk about opening up only to shut down again when you feel another beginning to open to you is a way that I have lived, and most definitely they and I react to my shutting down. Making the choice to live the beauty full woman I am is helping me to remain open, all be it a work in progress, a work that I find delight in each and every day.

‘If I feel any sexual energy, I take full responsibility, and simply nominate that I have felt it and choose to stay with my love. If I do fall into it, I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.’ This is definitely the best advice you could give anyone on the subject. This way we can deal with our unresolved issue without sending out any harmful energy to another human being.

One time I had a beautiful experience, through meeting a man (the first time), and I stayed open and with love, without tapping into playing the game with the sexual energy attention (I often played in my life!) We experienced further on to be a reflection of the same love inside ourselves. So it became an encounter of two people connected with their love in equality – the former felt sexual energy disappeared, what was a beautiful deepening. I guess using sexualized energy it is a learned behavior, lived as long as we don’t know any alternative in true encounter and relationship. Beautiful how you have developed an awareness with this energy and practice to stay open and loving and don’t allow the sexualized energy to neither grade up or devaluate what you truly are! It is so much more to ponder on with this theme, thank you for opening up the space to do so.

A revealing article Leigh. Society has so conditioned us to use and feel sexual energy that we have lost our connection to feeling the energy of love. When we re-connect to the powerful love that glows within us we can share this love with every person we meet, man, woman or child. With this love there is no space left for ‘not feeling enough’.

Dear Leigh great honest and truthful sharing. Taking this subject of sexual energy and following the deep root to what it means to you with complete honesty and responsibility. Inspiring to read your depth and clarity. It took me to ponder there too and I can so relate. Thank you.

This blog is a godsend Leigh. “If I feel any sexual energy, I take full responsibility, and simply nominate that I have felt it and choose to stay with my love.” I have felt such sadness as a result of holding back with men. When I think of letting them in a it brings up anxiety for me, I stay protected because I can’t move past the worry of attracting sexual energy and every time I do experience sexual energy I use it to confirm that I should shut men out. Your blog reminds me exactly what to do to enable me to connect to men and deal with any sexual energy I may feel. Thank you.

We are all, men and women, in a momentous pattern of manipulating each other with sexual energy. It has been going on for many 1,000s of years and it is not going to stop in a flash. What can change is the way we use it and react to it coming towards us. I love that you started this conversation Leigh and the wisdom of your experience that you offer is so valuable. If we stop hardening and rejecting each other, if we stop contracting and pulling away we may just be able to help each other arrest the way we all wield and react to sexual energy and replace ‘love’ as our new norm.

Very honest comment Leonne. To take responsibility when we can feel the sexual energy either coming from us or the other person, to understanding and realise where it is coming from and choosing to not allow it to create a barrier or stunt our connection with another person is a healing process. From connecting to our awareness, understanding and allowing ourselves to feel what is truly going on, it deeply supports us to then drop our protective shield.

Thank you for sharing Leonne, I to feel anxiety with some men. Connecting to this and owning it is allowing me to stay more with my love each time that I feel it, and especially not giving myself a hard time over it. Truly feeling and staying with the strength of the woman that I know myself to be is refreshing and enjoyable. Even as it reveals the many aspects of my life where this has not been chosen in full.

I agree Leigh. I too have noticed how I get more anxiousness with some men more than others but I am learning to stay with whatever it is I am feeling even though it may feel very uncomfortable; I have hardened my body so many times to not feel. I am also learning to make eye contact in moments like this which is something I could not do at one point as making eye contact helps me to stay connected with the man.

Thanks for sharing Leigh I found myself reflecting on how I have had a protection up with men also and have felt intimidated and that if I show any weakness or friendliness it will be an “invitation”. With the distraction of what I might be causing and the feelings it’s bringing up I am no longer bringing my openness and love. I feel now I can be allowing of what else is there for me and reflect on your blog when I feel any sexual energy at play.

I too know this way of being with men, and it affected the way I related to them for years. Never fully realising that I too had a part to play in this. I always knew it felt yuck, but thought that being crass and using sexual innuendos was the way I had to relate with men. No wonder sexual energy came back at me. I no longer do this. But instead find myself at ease with myself, something that is growing every day, and for the most part at ease with men. I then find that our conversations are not sexually charged, but more a simpleness of meeting and talking with a friend.

It is great that you nominate to deal with the energy that you let in and not judge yourself or assume that you have to be perfect. We all have things that can challenge us at times in sometimes the least surprising moments. I like that you are keeping it simple and stating it as it is. This is healing and stepping in the direction of claiming you back fully.

Today I was being what I though as pretty playful texting with a friend. His response was laced with sexual energy and it actually felt surprisingly dark and yuk. It made me think about what I had said and if it laced with a hooking sexual energy without me consciously intending to. The answer – yes – totally shocked me. The patterns of using our sexuality are so ingrained and as I become more aware of how I relate with men the more subtle layers surface to be revealed and renounced. This is a very important subject Leigh, thanks for starting the conversation.

I can relate to what you say Jeanette, sometimes in sexual energy can kick in in conversations between men and women. This can happen with friends, at work, meeting someone in the street. It seems that that men and women are so much used to relate to each other with this energy – that we protect ourselves and so misplay the possibility of a real and deep connection. So yes, it is true that we have to reveal and renounce this kind of relating to each other.

This is so true Jeannette,
There are many subtle layers, but being open to feeling them is what is important. Each one we let go of allows for more of our true playful joyful selves to be felt and lived.

Since I have read your blog I have recognised that I actually can feel sexual energy from people. Quite often I have felt it but doubted it when others have not also felt it. I trust what I feel is correct and since reading this I have confirmed that.

Always trust when you feel it Heidi. Just recently there is something happening in my life and I have found myself feeling sexual energy again in my body. I am so super grateful that I can feel it and identify it now as I was able to halt it in its tracks. But it was not so much that I had chosen it that was there for me to observe, but how I had again lessened myself as a woman, that I let it in in the first place. Because it is in no way from me.

Leigh I can agree with you that to blame others for putting out this energy is not necessarily true, for instance blaming the male and not looking at what we as females may have put out to attract attention too. I noticed the difference in my friends and myself at times in my teens when we were in the company of the opposite sex. What you reveal in your sharing sheds light on what this is all about and comes back to treating each other with respect and seeing all as equal, the sooner we all understand that, the more friends in both sexes we will have as we grow up and into adulthood without the divide that appears in the world today between the sexes.

Thank you Leigh for sharing your blog, to evolve to a place of acceptance of genders as people and not seeing them as a sexually identity, is shedding a great burden that both genders carry from an early age and it dictates how we live and our relationships.

Dear Paul,
“acceptance of genders as people”. So spot on, sexual energy so doesn’t allow us to see either gender as simply people. With me there has been the barrier of “do they want more” with men and with women there has been comparison. To be making very deep inroads to letting this go in full is really special. For as you say it opens up the feeling, coming from deep inside, the equalness (that we are all the same) that is present in all of us. Allowing for an ease of being self when in the company of others.

Leigh, this isn’t something that is often spoken about or acknowledged. Sexual energy and the way it plays out in every day life has such effects on people! It needs to be cut – by each of us taking absolute responsibility in our interactions – so that we can return to having a natural way of being with each other that does not impose. This may seem far-fetched from how we are living now, but there are living & breathing examples that is not only possible, but an amazing way to live.

It is an amazing way to live Amelia. That being the crux of this, that it is a way to live. For me each day offers many experiences where I can choose to stay present with my body and my love, or to go into reaction and defend myself against what is presented in front of me. This is where the way to live holds such a strong momentum as we, each day, each moment, make the choices that support our being present with our bodies and with our love.

“If I feel any sexual energy, I take full responsibility, and simply nominate that I have felt it and choose to stay with my love. If I do fall into it, I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.”

Thank you Leigh for giving us clarity when we feel sexual energy coming from outside of us and we as women have to take responsibility for this energy. It’s all too easy to play victim here but taking responsibility empowers us, in seeing clearly what is going on. I have taken on sexual energy being imposed on me from a man many, many times and have always known it was because of the attention I was getting. I loved the attention from a man and once I got it I would run a mile! These days because of allowing myself to feel this energy in my body and what it feels like which is not good to say the least, I do something about it. I nominate it and I confirm to myself that it is not me. Reading this blog takes it deeper for me giving me more clarity as to why I let this energy in; the bottom line is, I am given an opportunity to bring love into my body by addressing more lack of self worth issues. Thank you Leigh for sharing.

Thank you Leigh for giving us clarity when we feel sexual energy coming from outside of us and we as women have to take responsibility for this energy. It’s all too easy to play victim here but taking responsibility empowers us, in seeing clearly what is going on. I have taken on sexual energy being imposed upon me from a man many, many times and have always known it was because of the attention I was getting. I loved the attention from a man and once I got it I would run a mile! These days because I make a choice to feel this energy in my body and what it feels like which is not good to say the least, I do something about it. I nominate it and I confirm to myself that it is not me. Reading this blog takes it deeper for me giving me more clarity as to why I let this energy in; the bottom line is, I am given an opportunity to bring more love into my body by addressing lack of self worth issues. Thank you Leigh for sharing.

“I nominate it and confirm to myself that it is not me.” Powerful words and a great understanding for all of us. When we can feel a way if living that we have chosen is not actually impulsed from who we really are, and make the choice to stop living this way, we are empowered, no longer living as a victim of our lives. Your words this morning have truly helped me with something that has been going down in my life for some time, that I have had great difficulty in letting go of. I can feel now that my way of living, essentially believing that I am subordinate to the person that this issue has played out with, is not and never has been me. Thank you Caroline

Its a very strange pattern to seek love and attention in the form of sexual energy, let it in and then “run a mile”. I have played this game too and why I ran is because sexual energy never felt in even the remotest way like the love and connection I was actually seeking. It was not until I discovered that what I was searching for started with me getting intimate, loving and deepening a connection with myself that I could stop the ‘sexualisation’ games I pursued with men. And like you say Leigh, at those times I feel sexual energy coming towards me, or likewise me imposing it on another, I now have a foundation of self-love to not follow it into action, to stay with me, know I am worthy of love and nothing less will suffice.

Great to have had the opportunity to read a blog that discusses and exposes the game of sexual energy and what feeds this interaction. A woman not feeling she is enough and therefore having to rely on or engage in the advances of sexual energy is something most women would relate to experiencing throughout life. Its really powerful to start to see and understand what is feeding this pattern more clearly.

Thank you Leigh for your words are very useful to me. ‘If I feel any sexual energy, I take full responsibility, and simply nominate that I have felt it and choose to stay with my love. If I do fall into it, I no longer give in to the belief that I am not good enough – I choose to hold strong the love that I have inside and with this love I seek to heal the part of me that let it in.’ And ‘It is very humbling to watch this sexual energy play out in everyday life and to take full responsibility for having played into it. It is also very empowering to now be able to feel it, nominate it, and to choose to not be a part of it.’

Thank you for your honest,amazing blog Leigh, I used to objectify women and its been amazing to let go of this sexualization and meet women as equals. As a man I felt that I needed to play this sexualised role with women, which felt like a burden to play, rather than simply be the tender sensitive man that I am.

Its very heart warming to read your words Thomas. You make me think that if neither men nor women truly enjoy sexualising each other or being so, then how did this start and why do we perpetuate it. Thank God some people are getting honest and have stopped playing the game as this paves the way for others to do so too.

It is lovely Thomas, you sharing that as a man, it feels like a burden to play the game of sexual energy. For it shows simply that neither gender actually enjoys this game, and poses the question that if this is so, just how much have we forgotten who we really are and have given in to living from our emotional needs and insecurities? Understandings like this are so beautiful to share with the world. Thank you

This is such a great blog Leigh, as it is an expose of how we as women do use sexual energy when we are with men. I can feel how I have used sexual energy to get my way, to feel empowered or have control, but it is all smoke and mirrors. Because underneath I know it truly wasn’t about love, so would always feel sad. But now I allow myself to feel what is true and what I want from a relationship, which does not want sexual energy playing out as it has in the past.

Dear Raegan,
I too have come to a place where I know clearly what I want in a relationship. Feeling deeply that sex is something that comes naturally when two people are living their love, being themselves and honouring each other. Where there is no need insight, simply the feeling of wanting to share all of you with another.

Thank you Leigh, this is such a delicate and exposing issue that does need to be spoken about. Your article is so very honest and it has been awesome to read it. The sexual energy that instigates behaviour most definitely has the potential to complicate relationships, when in truth, we all just simply want to be met by another.

Very exposing and confronting blog, Leigh, thank you. We lost out on deepening the relationship between men and women in the past for all the reasons you described. This awkwardness around men is something I kept hidden as something I disapproved about myself as though there was something wrong with me. Your blog is very clear in what is really going on here.

‘Now, as I reclaim the beautiful, vibrant, sexy woman that I am, I can feel that my relationships with men and my interaction with men and women is changing; it is becoming simple, accepting and honouring for both them and myself. I can now feel an equality and I no longer feel inferior to men. As I expose the ‘not good enough’ energy and now walk in my tenderness and love and deepen this tenderness and love in my life every day, I can now truly enjoy the company of people, both males and females.’

It is very lovely to interact with others without sending out hooks or being hooked in any way what so ever, whether it be sexual or fishing for recognition etc. Full confidence in who we are is the ‘true sexy’.

I love it when I feel confident, powerful, sexy and as such have no openings for any energy of any kind that is imposing. I have described previously to my husband that I have felt imposed upon by a mans sexual energy and I learnt that it is known as going hunting. Whether conscious or not when sexual energy comes from a man that is exactly what they are doing hunting for someone, anyone really who will say yes to the energy they are putting out.

Dear Ilja, I too hid this inside for many years, I felt very ashamed that I felt sexual energy and I too thought there was something wrong with me. The moment I put pen to paper and wrote this blog, the power sexual energy had over me was immediately cut. It was so freeing. It has allowed for so much healing for me personally. And still is. I do at times feel it and being able to discern it and nominate continues the healing, for once it is seen, it immediately dissipates.

Thank you for bringing up this important subject Leigh as the horrible attitude described at the start of your blog is so prevalent. In this blog Leigh you describe a distinct difference between sexual energy that is denigrating, and the “holding your head up high” feeling gorgeous.
If you feel that a man looks at you in a sleazy way with sexual energy it can play into your low self-esteem, you take it personally and you feel like you are dirty. But if you have dealt with low self-esteem you can feel the imposition for what it is and you don’t play ball with it, so it does not affect you. Have I got this right?

Dear Bernard,
Even when I didn’t feel so good about myself I could still feel sexual energy and I always felt sleazy and yucky. I guess in those times though I would not be able to voice what I was feeling. In the way my life has been, it was the normal, so even though it felt horrible, I accepted it, because it is how it is. So as I hit my teens and beyond, I too played the game and begun to use it for myself, again, I never felt comfortable in doing this, but again, it seemed to be the normal way of doing things, so again I played the game. Since my choice to become a Student of Universal Medicine, I have connected to my essence and can now feel for absolute truth that sexual energy used in any way is horrible. So your question “But if you have dealt with low self-esteem you can feel the imposition for what it is and you don’t play ball with it, so it does not affect you. Have I got this right?” I would not say that I have completely cleared low self esteem from my body, but I have dealt with a lot of this energy and the many beliefs that come with it and yes, in so doing it is much easier to simply feel any sexual energy and not play ball with it. Instead be able to feel it and understand why it is there and let it be so mostly it doesn’t affect me. However there are still times where it does get in and as I have written above, I choose my love, know it for what it it is and seek to heal whatever it is in me that let it in.

This is so True Abby, and it is how I have lived much of my life. To now feel the very real difference is to beautiful for words. To know that intimacy actually begins with my deepest connection with myself was truly revolutionary to understand and is even more profound to live. For it is in the intimacy that I hold with myself that I am beginning to see is the only true foundation for all of my relationships with others.

Yes Leigh, and to be able to build this intimacy with self and therefore with others requires us to let go of the hurts we hold around sexual attention and the energy it comes with – as you so honestly share in your blog.

Yes Abby, it is very sad. We actually crave intimacy so much so that we end up settling for a lesser form of what we think is intimacy, we also then try to seek it in any shape or form possible just to get a glimpse of it. It’s all about connecting to ourselves, connecting to our own intimacy and loving ourselves first, from here, we are then not afraid to express intimacy to others. True intimacy is not about sex, it’s about connecting to ourselves, to people, through expressing our love and to be completely open, attentive and appreciative in every way. It is allowing ourselves to express our joy and love to another person with nothing attached, just pure divine love.

Sexual energy has possibly always been the thing that has disturbed me the most in life. What I am coming to understand about sexual energy is that it only exists outside of the love we are. In the love we are, it doesn’t exist and can’t touch us which is why it truly pays to live in the responsibility to hold and nurture our own loving connection to support us in the world.

So true Shannon, living with this responsibility and nurturing our love is the very foundation for not only ourselves, but for everyone we have contact with. For holding ourselves with this loving responsibility, as it supports us it expands and supports and holds all others. The magic of this is beginning to unfold in my life and each moment that it is revealed in, is a moment of truly feeling the impact I have and deepens my own commitment to my love.

Leigh – you so clearly and simply expose sexual energy, how it works, how it can keep us trapped in this ” I am not good enough” cycle, how to take full responsibility around it and how to seal any openings in ourselves that allows it to come in, which is all so very valuable in our society. When pondering and feeling into sexual energy, I had not yet got to that depth of clarity around it, so thank you very much for making it so clear for us all. Your blog would be such a great publication/addition in all the women and teenager girls magazines. It is certainly life changing to have this awareness.

Thank you Alexandra. To have discussions like this in our woman and teen magazines would so definitely pose a moment for thought for many and give to others options that I never had. Do we begin the conversation with such magazines as Women’s Day, Women’s Weekly and the such and offer articles like this one to them for publishing? For I have read many articles on this blog thread alone that could and should be shared with the world at large.

Great re-read this blog and reconnect to the truth shared about how sexual energy plays out both ways between males and females, from a need to be recognised. I appreciated reading even if the sexual advance was welcome, it still felt sleazy. Isn’t this so true, as such attention does not honour who we truly are and is not coming from the love we can connect with in ourselves and in another.

Simon,
It is so beautiful to feel that there are so many people that can now clearly distinguish the difference between sexual energy and the true connection that comes from our essence within and our choice to connect with it and live from it. Living in this fullness naturally exposes stuff like sexual energy and supports us to acknowledge it and to choose differently. To me this is true choice.

Most relationships that people have nowadays are loaded, friends partners, future partners, ex partners , work colleagues,… Until we actually start to know ourselves, we are quite simply loaded down with a lot of emotional baggage makes it very hard for true relations to be there… then this is one of the great blessings of starting to know ourselves, we can actually relate from who we truly are, to the hearts of those around us.

Your honesty is really inspiring. I too have fallen for this not being good enough game that plays out in many forms especially in the seeking and receiving of sexual energy. The power of appreciating ourselves and choosing love in these moments is enormous and deeply healing, and provides a space for a true and beautiful relationship between men and women that is free of this game.

Dear Jamie,
Just this past weekend I have experienced finding myself in an old pattern in a relationship. The moment that I realised what I was doing I was immediately able to drop deeply and firmly into my love. The difference in my body and relationship was profound. Showing me yet again the truth of how healing our love is.

You know that feeling when it seems as if someone is undressing you but your fully clothed and it feels horrid? There is great responsibility in calling it out and saying no to this type of energy. I know I’ve been on either side of the coin and it feels just as sleazy and dirty, I know I’m usually left there saying to myself where the hell did that come from thats not me…

On re-reading this I am again inspired by your absolute honesty and commitment to love and building truly loving relationship. For as soon as we separate from our connection to the beautiful, vibrant, and natural sexiness that we all are, we allow energies in that we are not, to compensate for the hurt we feel from leaving the absolute love that we are. This is such a brilliant article, thank you again Leigh.

Dear Carola,
I have had many experiences over the past couple of weeks where I have felt the sexiness, womanlyness, tenderness that I now feel is so real. It is no longer something that I feel now and then, but who I am. That I now find myself in the midst of claiming me, in a greater level of accepting that I am a tender, sexy woman. As I do this I am seeing old long held issues around being with people simply drop away and finding a far greater desire to be with people, fully and joyfully.

Its so lovely breaking through the old beliefs around what a sexy woman is and start to really allow out my own true sexy and feel what that feels like in my body. I know what it feels like when I have been needy and wanted intimacy and now when I choose to allow myself to just be my naturally sexy self, the difference is huge. Moving in my natural true sexy is truly divine and healing.

I agree with you, Julie, it is so freeing and super joyful, to explore what true sexiness feels like in my body. It allows a different flow of energy and movements that is effortless, healing and divine. It offers the light, love and divinity we come from to be reflected, to remind everyone this is who we truly are.

I could really relate to this blog as I have experienced pretty much all that you have shared Leigh. Thankfully, I can now feel the imposition of sexual energy and I do not take it on and I do not put it out either.