Monday, 22 June 2009

Pearl? Who's Pearl?

Above, the Chinese character for love consisting of a heart (middle) inside 'accept,' 'feel,' or 'perceive,' which shows a graceful emotion.Courtesy Wikipedia

Tueday 23rd June is my 30th Wedding Anniversary. I can just think of all the music hall jokes coming out, "I remember it like it was yesterday, and that was a bad day too!" "If I'd done her in thirty years ago, I'd have been out ten years ago," "I take my wife everywhere but she keeps finding her way back," "My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday!"and so on and so forth.

"I am," is said to be the shortest sentence in the English language. "I do" is the longest.

Our Pearl Anniversary (I don't feel old enough for Pearl - a vision of old dears with pearl necklaces springs to mind) brings around thoughts of our thirty years together: wondering where the next penny was coming from; how do we pay for the petrol to get us to work; can't afford to mend the leaky ceiling; new house, not enough cash to decorate and live! What I've described is mainly finance and making ends meet. There was also not talking to each other, arguing, (we've never fought) and annoying habits. There are of course positives like it's all been worth it, three great kids, decent house, reasonable car, still working hard and our good health. Can't complain really.

But what about our relationship?It's been hard work but we're still very much together despite having different interests and differing beliefs. I can't define love - I've tried, even debated it among friends and I have no idea what it is. Try looking for 'love' in Wikipedia - full of gobbledegook. There is no chemical formula, no text book which gives chapter and verse how one should feel and what you should be doing to maintain it. My guess is that it's an enigma. We're not supposed to know what it is save to say that it's about feeling different I suppose about one person. Something more 'special,' getting to know someone very well and learning to laugh and cry together. Sharing, learning, using experience to get you through bad times and knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel to bring you both through. Sounds like a text book explanation? A working living partnership, a close team perhaps; I give up.

There's no formula for success (or failure for that matter) to marriage - 75% of it is luck, 20% of it is good judgement and the last five percent is down to the unknown factors such as intuition and turning left instead of right, making the call instead of prevarication and having that little bit of courage when needed to face your fears together. It's also about individual partners being tough enough to make bold decisions when needed for both of you and the other accepting in good grace and often, I suspect with great relief.

That's not scientific at all - just gut feeling - that word 'feeling' again and perhaps that's the answer. Love is a personal feeling that the individual gets that affects us all very differently, and where does that come from? Goodness knows, but thank God for it - quite a creation.

So, here's to the next thirty years (at least). Cheers!

Today's story has a marital theme. A young couple who were having a rocky time went to see a counsellor. The male counsellor listened to the wife first who was complaining about her husband neglecting her. She moaned, "We've only been married two years, but he never takes me anywhere, he never shows affection or shows any interest in me, it's as if he was bored with me already."

The husband simply shrugged his shoulders and said nothing. The counsellor went over to the wife and kissed her passionately. As the wife slumped back into her chair amazed and in shock the counsellor said to the husband, "Your wife needs that at least twice a week."

The husband replied, "Well, I can get her here Tuesdays and Thursdays."