Let’s start with the one that actually involves music: a new Selena Gomez song called “Love Will Remember” has hit the web, and it features a voicemail message that may or may not be from the one and only Biebs. “Hey, babe it’s me,” the voicemail begins. “I just wanted to call to tell you that I love you so, so, so, so much. Just wanted to let you know that you are my princess.” And so forth.

Bieber’s reps told Gossip Cop that the voice heard on the track isn’t actually his, but either way, Gomez says that the song is definitely about him. ”That’s the most personal track on the record, for sure,” she recently told InStyle. “I think it’s a sweet way of releasing it. It’s not an aggressive approach to what people are probably expecting. I’m sure he’ll love it too.”

Maybe he will. But do you? Give the leaked track a listen below and find out:

“You’re not gonna remember him pissing in a restroom,” the friend muses aloud as he contemplates Bieber’s legacy. “Everybody does that.”

The “Boyfriend” singer then finishes relieving himself and runs off, releasing more fluids: while passing a photograph of Bill Clinton, the Canadian-born singer, perhaps an opponent of NAFTA, shouts “F— Bill Clinton” while spraying the ex-president’s image with a bottle of blue liquid.