"As we enjoy great advantages from the inventions of others, we should be glad of the opportunity provided to serve self-interest when Al Gore created the internet; and we should also thank Mark Zuckerburg and Jack Dorsey for creating Facebook and Twitter out of the kindness of their big hearts and not the thinness of their small wallets."

-Ben Franklin, Autobiography (1742)

Friday, June 3, 2011

Abe Lincoln Day 5: Beyond the Veil

April 16, 1865 - the nation was mourning the loss of our 16th President Abraham Lincoln after the cowardly actions of a two-bit actor who thought he was taking a stand. It was truly one of our darkest days. But before you begin shedding tears in 2011, we'd like to close out Lincoln Week here at Lost and Founders with one of the most well-guarded secrets in American History that might just bring a smile to a few faces - Abraham Lincoln did not die in 1865. In fact, we're pretty sure he's still kicking now.

April 14th, Ford's theater - Lincoln attends the play "Our American Cousin," knowing full well what will take place that fateful night thanks to a visit to the Oracle six months prior. Still, he calmly sits in the president's booth and enjoys the show, waiting patiently for the man sneaking up the stairs behind him who with a single shot will ignite the nation to finally put down their own arms after years of bitter Civil War.

April 15th, Petersen House - across the street from Ford's Theater, doctor's cared for a mortally wounded Lincoln. At 7:54AM, an enormous eagle was spotted flying over the house. At 7:55AM, the elves arrived to take Lincoln beyond the veil.

It was true that Lincoln was fatally shot as the Oracle predicted. It had to happen in order for the nation to recover from the Civil War. Lincoln knew this, and also knew that if he stayed in America he would no doubt have to die. Though he was prepared for this, very few members of his cabinet knew that he had been visited weeks earlier by a contingent of the elven people who watch the movements of the human race from the other side of an invisible boundary that keeps the magic of their world from spilling into our own. According to the only account that remains from the encounter, the elves admired Lincoln's efforts to abolish slavery during the Civil War and granted him passage to their world where he would be able to live an unnaturally long life outside of time. This gift would be given on Lincoln's deathbed, as was the custom in the days of olde.

So at 7:55AM, as doctors pronounced the president dead to world, they also swore themselves to secrecy about the truth as the elves carried the injured hero through an alley behind Petersen House and down to the Potomac River, where a ship awaited to take the party across the Veil.

It is said that as the horizon began to shift and the Veil opened for the ship to pass, Lincoln awoke, smiled at the sparse handful of onlookers, and said his most comforting words "I'll be back when you need me." Then he was gone.

So there you have it. The true story of one of our country's greatest heroes. Numerous historical accounts have place Lincoln at the scene of several events after 1865, which lends itself to the obvious conclusion that Lincoln not only survived the assassination attempt, but in fact made a full recovery and used the magic of the elves to return and help the American people when needed. So be vigilant readers! And take heart that the next time you see an absurdly tall cone-headed man in a stove-pipe hat doing a good deed, it just might be the real deal.

We hope you have enjoyed Lincoln Week and maybe even learned a little something. Thanks for reading!