Student Mental Health Advice

Two Students Reveal How They Overcame Mental Health Struggles

Note: This article was shared by our friends across the pond at AskMen UK. Please forgive their adorable Britishisms.

Think about the most stressful situation you've been in. Chances are, it will involve school. From managing housing, the stress of academic study, the busy student lifestyle, financial pressures, loneliness, lack of sleep, and a pressure to make new meaningful relationships, university life is a minefield for mental health.

Estimates of the prevalence of mental health difficulties among students run at approximately 1 in 3, according to a paper published in the Journal of Psychiatry titled "Designing youth mental health services for the 21st century." What's more, 75% of mental health difficulties develop before the age of 25. This places students at a uniquely high risk.

With suicide being the leading cause of death for men between the ages of 20–34 in England and Wales – rates three times higher than women – it's more important than ever to treat mental health early on.

For University Mental Health Day we spoke to two students who've overcome mental health struggles and asked them for their coping mechanisms – and how they think friends can help. Because chances are, even if you're not struggling with mental health issues yourself, you're supporting someone who is. And that, sometimes, can be just as tough.

I didn't have a name for what was going on with me, and like many guys I thought I should "pull my socks up" or "man up" and crack on with life, but I couldn't – I felt a failure.

Name Karl Knights

Age 21

Studies American Lit

When did you first realise you started feeling down? What were the warning signals?

Well, in hindsight, like far too many men, I'd been suffering from depression for years before I sought any kind of help. Looking back, I had a minor depressive episode at 14, and another far more major one at 17/18. Andrew Solomon has a great line in his book, about depression being not a loss of happiness but a loss of vitality, and I'd have to agree. Suddenly, very suddenly, I couldn't wake up and get going anymore, it was like I'd been winded by Mike Tyson. Usually I'm a very energetic guy and a voracious reader, but suddenly these things meant nothing to me. I stopped sleeping or when I did sleep, I slept far too much.

During my most recent depression which occurred in my first year at university, a new warning signal emerged in the form of excessive drinking. I didn't have a name for what was going on with me, and like many guys I thought I should "pull my socks up" or "man up" and crack on with life, but I couldn't – I felt a failure. It seems absurd looking back on it, but I bought into a traditional idea of masculinity as though it was an almost religious dogma.

Were there any activities you took up at university that helped improve your headspace?

What's been extremely helpful for me is a combination of things; physical activity has been massively helpful for me if I'm feeling down or stressed. The gym, etc, doesn't cure depression of course, but it's a way of coping and managing my moods for me. After I returned to university after being sectioned I became much more social, I attended more society events and got myself out there. Silence and isolation are oxygen to mental health issues – and I entertained neither. I also was adamant about talking about my experiences among friends, and to my surprise many of my peers had the same issues too. At every lecture or social I go to these days there's at least ten people with mental health issues there.

What kind of student lifestyle choices would you recommend?

I'd recommend not drinking to the best of your ability. University has an immensely alcoholic culture so it's not easy, but if you're suffering you'll feel the better for it (alcohol is a depressant after all). If you can, try the gym or some kind of physical activity, even if it's just walking around campus. Try and talk to people as much as you can (though keep some alone time, too).

I ask for help pretty directly and bluntly, so I can't be misinterpreted. I am immensely lucky in that my university has counselling services, and crisis hours that're great if you're having a bad mental health day. I often find that just being open about struggling alleviates the struggles a little bit. I try to make asking for help as quotidian as possible, akin to asking for help if you're on a crutch.

What are you top tips for coping with exam and essay / money stress?

My top tip comes from a book I read recently, called Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. She writes, "Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he'd had three months to write. [It] was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilised by the hugeness of the task ahead.

Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother's shoulder, and said, 'Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.'"

It's a mantra I keep for myself, when an essay or my dissertation seems too huge a task to ever complete. Bird by bird, section by section, sentence by sentence. Break it down so it's manageable. Books aren't written in a day – and the same is true of your project. Break it down and try to keep a loose schedule, and before you know it, you at least have a first draft to work from.

What are your top tips for coping with loneliness?

This is an interesting one, as many university students I know say they feel alone despite being the life of the party and surrounded by people 24/7. In this sense social media is both a blessing and a curse; on the one hand many (myself included, at times) see their friends having fun and can't help but compare themselves to that and feel terrible. However, you can also use social media to reach out to friends and have a chat if need be. The thing to keep in mind is that social media, etc, is the highlights reel of someone's life, not the whole movie.

What are some red flags or signs to look for in friends who may be struggling?

I look for if someone has suddenly become absent in seminars, or from social gatherings. Don't presume it's laziness, check on your friend and see what they're up to. It can be as simple as sending a text or a Facebook message. Also I look out for physical markers of depression that I exhibited in my worst times; does your friend look like they're showering, or eating? Do they look tired, or complain about drinking too much? Do they talk about death, or even, suicide? All of these things are warning signs. There's resources on Student Minds, and I believe the website Students Against Depression or Papyrus on signs of depression or risk factors of suicide.

What can friends say that would be the most helpful?

For me friends don't have to say anything to be helpful – simply being there and present is enough. There's an image out there culturally that friends feel they have to fix all of the sufferers problems overnight, but mental health or any illness for that matter doesn't work that way. Simply being present and truly listening is enough. I've had various encounters with friends were they've said the 'wrong' thing or said something insensitive, but it was clear they were trying and they remained present.

I'd recommend not drinking to the best of your ability.

Name Alex Taplin

Age Unknown

Studies Motorsport Engineering

When did you first realise you were getting down? What were the warning signs?

What started out as struggling with under and (mostly) oversleeping developed into missing lectures. A lack of focus in the lectures I actually made it to, combined with a lack of regular eating habits made the ‘normal’ stresses of university life challenging. The biggest warning sign in my own experience was not the fact that these challenges were happening, but the frequency and impact they had on the rest of my university experience.

Were there any activities you took up at university that helped improve your headspace?

Routines became my saviour. Waking up at a regular time was controlled with a regular sleeping pattern. This change was aided by the use of an automatic wake-up light recommended to me by a friend I came into contact with at my university Student Minds group, a peer-led support system set up to help students overcome both future and present mental health challenges. The evening routine consisted of meeting friends at the library for coursework, relaxation (normally going to the gym and then mindfulness meditation/music), then working with some university club projects that interested me.

What kind of student lifestyle choices would you recommend?

Of course we have all heard about the troubles of too much drinking, too few fruit/vegetables, and being isolated in your room. But I would [also stress investing in] family time, especially when it’s so easy to pick up the phone. Getting into habits such as preparing food in advance can save time during the day, keeping track of coursework on a calendar, and making time to meet with friends. Also when you have to do some boring monotonous task, you can always ask a friend to come along too. Chances are there will be at least one of your friends who has clothes to wash at the launderette, or dirty pots in the kitchen, or revision to go over. Keeping your space clean will stop distractions, and when studying, remember to switch up locations every now and then. Coffee shops or study pods can be a welcome variation from the library or your room; just don’t forget headphones if it’s a public area. Oh and really – eating fruit and vegetables and hitting the gym every now and then isn’t a bad idea.

How do you ask for help when struggling?

Sometimes it is as simple as picking up the phone and saying “Hey, want to hang out?” Other times it is more direct, and I say “I’m really struggling with… Are you feeling the same?” To bring it up as a question can get you on topic and give you and your friend a chance to open up and be honest. Also it is important to remember that there are so many services available; GPs/lecturers/academic advisors/student services are all available to talk and can signpost students to more specialised support.

Join some clubs and remember you may never go to any, but just keep them handy in case you need to be with people.

What are your top tips for coping with exam/essay and money stress?

The first part is to know that this may happen, and if it doesn’t – awesome! Getting together with friends to revise helps. Starting well in advance is good, too. Sleep regularly and stick to routines that work for you. Remember that your lecturers are there for you outside of the classroom, make sure to note down their email addresses. Many of my friends made a point to meet with lecturers to discuss coursework. If you’re uncomfortable meeting one to one, ask questions at the end of your lecture; chances are you won’t be the only one stood there at the end. With regards to money, plan ahead when you will get loans/grants and make sure to budget, budget, budget. Try to cook for yourself at least once a day, and save leftovers for the next day if you can! There are so many resources available online about money saving, and most universities have subsidised shops. All this saving and planning is great, just make sure to know when to treat yourself too.

What are your top tips for coping with loneliness?

Fresher’s fairs run before term officially starts. Join some clubs and remember you may never go to any, but just keep them handy in case you need to be with people. If you live in halls make sure to chat to your housemates often and, same again, call your family! When I was lonely it helped to go to the gym. It’s surprising how many people will come over to you when you stick to certain days/times, and some university gyms are subsidised too. Failing that, I would change loneliness into me-time. Taking a long shower, going for a walk around campus/town, or listening to your favourite music can provide a fast U-turn.

What are some red flags or signs to look out for in friends who may be struggling?

When friends distance themselves from normal activities, skip deadlines, don’t eat properly, stop seeming to enjoy things you know they like, drink too much alcohol, or other sudden changes, it might be a sign [they're struggling]. These were a few common ones that I noticed. It’s important to remember that people can have bad days/weeks and that everybody is different, but if you do notice a few of these and they seem out of character then maybe it’s time to have a chat.

What can friends say that would be most helpful?

Direct routes can sometimes be intimidating, so you have to really understand the person and decide how to proceed. I have friends who I would ask “how are you doing?” and that would be enough to help. I also would say “I noticed you haven’t been yourself recently, just wondering if there is anything on your mind?” Remembering that listening and appreciating what is said is more important than saying the ‘right thing’, and going into the conversation with both empathy and an open mind are key. If they say no, that’s also fine. Just give them the opportunity to talk again next time you see them. It’s also possible that your friend may not even know that they are struggling! Being pleasant and present with them often can be all they need, and also hopefully makes you feel good too!