Friday, January 15, 2016

Yesterday, outposts across the Yankiverse declared a moment of silence to recall the Original Mariano, a portly Cuban screwballer named Luis "Yo-Yo" Arroyo, who died of cancer at age 88. In 1961, Luis Arroyo showed boomer NY fans what it was like to have a pitcher who could literally reduce the number of innings in a game. Arroyo was the First Coming of Mariano; he arrived before Sparky, before Rags, before Goose, before Wetteland - even before Dooley and Lee (Guetterman, that is, 21 career saves, baby!) - and he was the Yankee closer back when closers were called stoppers, and a blown save was something a wayward priest might achieve on Bleeker Street.

Rest in peace, Luis.

One of the all-time greats.

Which brings us to 2016, the year of Trump and Food Stamps Hal, a time when the Yankees hope to reduce every game to six innings. (Keep in mind that Boston, with Craig Kimbrel and Koji Uehara, plan to cut games to seven, so sixth-inning leads might be precious this year.) The last three-headed NY bullpen behemoth was "QuanGoMo" - a Michael Kay-created mash-up of Paul Quantril, Flash Gordon and Marinano - back in 2004, a year that will live forever in infamy. QuanGoMo lasted about three months, before collapsing into a pile of Tanyon Sturtzes. Its last days are too painful to recall, not on a day dedicated to the great Arroyo.

Still, life goes on.

Lately, Yankee fans have pondered Dellin Betances, Andrew Miller and Aroldis Chapman - three all-star closers, who could form the most potent three-headed emergency response team in the franchise's history. Forget the batting lineup; right now, our bullpen is, by far and away, the pride of the Yankees.

But this collection of pitchers needs a name. They cannot be The Three Amigos or The Three Musketeers. This is New York, people. No Three Little Pigs. In the spirit of QuanGoMo, this trio needs something hip and bizarre.

Doesn't matter as long as they play Wagner's "Ride of the Vallkyries" before each bad-ass enters the game. (For non-opera buffs, see music played by Colonel Kilgore when he comes across the waves to waste a town in "Apocalypse Now").

I'm sorry but this is crap. With these three guys and perhaps some solid contributions from three or four other guys, we should be able to shut down rallies at any point in the game, and we could have a great closer available for just about every game. But Girardi locks himself into this 7,8,9 pattern even before pitchers and catchers report -- and before the commissioner rules on Chapman's punishment. Our braintrust has no imagination, no stomach for a gamble. Torre and now Girardi are expert at winning the first four months of the season.