Wednesday, December 25, 2013

For use determining reactions when PCs encounter isolated or little known beings in the abyssal depths of the Underworld

d12
1. You can trust a surface man's word, but gee are they powerful delicious/nutritious
2. All surface dwellers hated in descending order by height, the tall produce the staunchest fear and loathing, wee ones might be alright
3. Surface humans certainly reek to high heaven, but otherwise its anyone's guess, judge them on an individual basis
4. The creatures from above are so evil they think they're good! Destroy them before they can pollute your mind with their insane philosophies
5. Only a metal hat of some kind can save you from the surface people's mind control powers, shoot them from a distance and keep moving
6. Humans are blind, stupid, cruel, and greedy, but you can bamboozle them into extremely lopsided deals to minimize unpleasantness
7. Those from the outer crust have many admirable qualities but living under the open sky allows unfathomable entities from the void to warp their minds
8. They only come for one reason: our wealth, and they will do anything, absolutely anything no matter how terrible, to get it
9. The surface folk are fools, patsies of the gods, to be pitied but exterminated swiftly
10. Every time you kill a human an angel gets its wings
11. While unarguably hideous to view, with the appropriate training regimen, humans can make perfectly serviceable slaves, bait them with treasure and try to take them alive
12. Adventurers happen to match descriptions of prophesied harbingers of death god's imminence: fear, supplication

Saturday, December 14, 2013

d12
1. At dungeon entrance, inspecting crate of ancient/forbidden tomes, checking order carefully for any deviation from promised contents/conditions, delivery ogre magically frozen in position by door should order fail to satisfy
2. Taking leisurely stroll through dungeon environment, chatting w/invisible ghost consultant, intelligent monsters in area notably deferential, obedient, flee at the first opportunity
3. In guard area, digesting reports of incursions into dungeon, stroking chin, brushing up on the most horrible spells of death and mayhem from travel grimoire, former captain of the guard a smoking ruin, replacement captain's face drained of color, drenched in flop sweat
4. Conducting tour of dungeon vacancies w/striking, exceedingly well-dressed vampire and hideous half-ape coffin-mule, fondling dark gem of evil, a gift from vampire
5. In lair, but in midst of prolonged astral sojourn, body hovers in lotus position guarded by pack of huge hounds made of molten lead
6. Currently in unknown dimension on initial survey, cosmic gate open in lair, swirling nightmare environment beyond instantly lethal to living beings, highly intelligent, bioluminescent, demi-material bats streaming in, find earthly conditions preferable to their own
7. On trip to nearby metropolis to check in w/real estate agency on bid to purchase private tower w/several subterranean levels in good part of town near marketplace, theater district, carries substantial down payment in gems
8. Romantic tryst in Hell with particularly seductive devil, fated to go terribly wrong, lich will have much spleen to vent upon return
9. Presenting radical breakthrough in depopulation science to conference of evil in nearby abandoned shrine, papers scattered about lair contain just enough hints for adventurers to realize potential threat to every living creature on the planet
10. Scaring the hell out of the humanoids on adjacent dungeon level whose repeated offenses/unnecessary disturbances demonstrate highly deficient sense of boundaries
11. Performing field evaluations of new and improved fireball spells (giant fireball, smart fireball, fireball w/self-extinguishing flourish, etc) on elf-infested forest nearest to dungeon
12. Appointment w/world's most attractive wizard at mountaintop spa for intensive de-shriveling treatment

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

d12
1. Driven by insatiable worldly passions, amasses treasure to fund construction of monumental pleasure-pyramid, collects artifacts/relics, hoards gems/jewelry/doo-dads/trinkets, surrounds self w/nubile young servants, throws lavish parties of evil, no display of wealth too ostentatious
2. This lich has a revenge list a mile long and cannot rest until visiting a uniquely tasty catastrophe upon every entrant, often including next of kin, entire family trees
3. General disgust with the gods, devils, demons, pretty much everyone fuels perpetual research towards a means of escaping Gygaxian cosmological schema forever
4. Despite decisive victory over death itself, the lich's mind has gone all dark and hopeless, sets plans in motion to render all the world into colossal mausoleum, brews plagues, chemical weapons, broods of murder monsters, abides alone in elaborate tomb complex loaded w/specially commissioned self-aggrandizing artworks
5. Just wants to finish sweeping series of novels set millions of years in the past, era of hegemony of the extinct intelligent beetles, editing thirtieth draft of manuscript, instantly destroys any who would break his concentration
6. Only world-wide recognition and the approbation of evil peers can make up for a childhood of neglect, psychologically compelled to become a household name by any means necessary and to the exclusion of any other agenda, given to random acts of public terror, also takes credit for unattributed mayhem, frequent press releases delivered by demonic courier service
7. Time spent concocting, applying to self, mastering every conceivable super-power duplicable by wizardry, before embarking upon career as trans-cosmic hero
8. Seeks to acquire political power via behind-the-scenes machinations, unholy alliances, espionage, assassinations, blackmail, intimidation, and use said power to plunge region into perpetual state of senseless conflict just for the sheer entertainment value
9. Sickened by the lameness of the human species, labors ceaselessly to restore an extinct nonhuman race to its rightful place of world supremacy
10. Compiling knowledge from across gulfs of time into single comprehensive resource, encoded into crystalline matrix and accessible only by psychic powers, travels frequently, squad of high level magic user lackeys keep watch over subterranean research facility
11. Nearly complete space rocket will soon carry the lich, vampire entourage to planet in the Black Galaxy perfectly suited to eternal unlife
12. Must complete trans-cosmic power beam caster to cut heavenly realm of the gods from moorings w/the material world, setting the menaces adrift in the void, never again to trouble humankind

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

To combat player indecision/lassitude, the local monarch has a mandatory dungeon mission.

d12
1. Find the dungeon's deepest well, extract and return with one bucket-full of the primordial goo at well bottom
2. Princeling telepathically calls out for aid, stuck in a covered pit in a hallway filled with same on third level
3. Deliver ransom to Dungeon Overlord and retrieve hostage (royal chef of surpassing talent), time is of the essence!
4. Discover entrances and map entirety of level three in preparation for mass assault by Royal Commandos, remain undetected, no witnesses
5. Give the quasi-lich his powerful ancient relic back stat so he'll cool it with the plagues and curses
6. Capture and return with previously unknown species of ooze for important arcane research project
7. Assassinate turncoat court vizier currently in the employ of Dungeon Overlord
8. Deliver flowers and chocolate to medusa for love-sick bachelor monarch, she will be the one who wears her snakes in elaborate braided updo
9. Steal single tooth from venerable dragon on level eight without awakening the menace, good news: magical anesthetic, teeth falling out anyway, not-so-good: dragon worshipped by humanoid cult famous for vigilance, dedication to duty
10. Negotiate contract with mercenary band of bloodthirsty humanoids on level two, do not alert rival humanoids on level one
11. Sow seeds of insurrection by revealing captured plans of Dungeon Overlord to various factions noted as "entirely expendable", limit looting, slay only as necessary
12. Deposit arcane explosive device on deepest dungeon level then get the hell out

Bite
d12
1. Single fang through the brain, if victim survives: personality, mental capacities permanently changed
2. Dragon gets a good grinding chew in before letting go, double damage
3. Bites off the hand/arm holding the weapon/magic item of greatest use against the dragon, swallows hard, grins
4. Limb seized, victim flung into ceiling (if outdoors, smashed into the ground) for extra bonus impact damage
5. Bitten around torso, victim must somehow escape the next round or be chomped in half
6. Snips off random limb and down the hatch quick as you like
7. Victim impaled on fang and stuck fast, dragon gets automatic claw, claw attack to shed the attachment
8. The old bite and shake: no one ever survives that but PCs are special so you get a saving throw, success indicates double damage
9. Takes a huge chunk out of neck and shoulder, bleed out in three rounds
10. Face raked with rasped tongue, flesh sheered off leaving only skull and goggling eyes
11. Swallowed whole, straight down the gullet, could possibly trigger involuntary eruption of breath weapon, otherwise it's off to the gizzard for a sound thrashing
12. Head bitten off, chewed, spat out at comrades' feet

Saturday, November 23, 2013

d12
1. Vulnok the Vain: mirrored shades, luxurious blond hair swept up into shape of conical wizard's hat, rides in majestic pose atop the shoulders of his powerful dwarf bearer in fashionable armor, spell book loaded w/arcane beauty aids
2. Hyrantides the Tremulous: wears living cloak of protection fashioned of self-repairing fungi, anticipates incoming blows and bunches up to reduce damage to host, hat and shoulders covered with growth of miniature shriekers triggered by penetration of personal space
3. Eeyika-ah, the Master of Levitation: legs shrivelled from disuse, train of gear follows along behind in mid-air, in constant deep meditative state, speaks from mystic second mouth in forehead
4. Proposus the Pliable: extensible rubber-like arms can conduct business up to 20' away, snake around in the air to form mystic signs and sigils of power
5. Frokulon of Frand: animate beard, provides gestural component to spell casting, unfurls scrolls, makes notations in spell book, hands free to get stabby with twin ebon demon-daggers
6. K'lolos the Cursed: jaw and mouth resemble that of shark, must eat unbelievable quantities of human flesh to sustain sorcerous might, travels with personal chef liberated from Cannibal Isle and pressed into service, must collect and consume large number of perfectly pure hearts and brains unsullied by wickedness for cure, logbook shows good progress but still long way to go
7. Veletrix the Green: half-man, half-vegetable as a result of successful bid to extend natural life, if human half killed by violence constantly regenerating veg half takes over gleefully to exact vengeance on all meat-devils
8. Gorofrond Oozefriend: guarded by faithful gelatinous sphere that self-inflates into escape dirigible upon command, may vomit up rainbow choice of variety of oozes for every occasion thrice daily
9. Eendros the Calamity-weaver: handsome, youthful head transplanted onto towering mummy body, speaks in garbled mishmash of tongues, knows all the death spells, can throw blocks of masonry as hill giant
10. Thruun Boltrider: obsessed with lightning spells, entire spell-book loaded with variations on the theme, thick rubber gloves/boots, eyes crackle with electricity, nervous around water
11. Mad Murthrin: involuntarily projects demi-material hallucinations, surrounded by swirling cloud of tiny demonic advisers issuing put-downs, seems friendly but lashes out without warning
12. Tundolu Two-heads: first head wears wizard hat, second head gagged and blindfolded, if blindfold removed issues bolts of reality-tearing energy that rapidly tunnel through to adjacent dimensions, if un-gagged hollers obscenity-laden revelations re: the true nature of the universe

Thursday, November 21, 2013

d12
1. Mounted messenger, half-crazed, at full gallop bearing entirely false report of zombie apocalypse
2. Wagon train full of circus performers led by the World's Tallest Halfling, bearer of enchanted monster-repelling amulet
3. Broken mercenary war band, barely enough men on their feet to bear the fallen upon their shields, unconscious wizard employer in critical condition, returning to HQ to extract payment from next of kin
4. Royal archaeologist and swarm of grad students excavate section of road where, if their wild extrapolations from scanty physical evidence are correct, the bones and legendary war-kit of an ancient hero remain undisturbed
5. Battle-nurse in gleaming mail w/enchanted bludgeon of purification travels w/squad of armed aides to site of duel to save the life of stricken noble
6. Stampeding war-horses with only the smoldering hips and legs of their riders remaining
7. Creaking wooden wagon-tower drawn by huge cat, self-luminous green witch in black leather peers out from battlement, gleefully accosts passersby, hands out boons or banes at whim
8. Culinary wizard in mystic robes, extra-tall chef hat, sets out for famine-struck province to proliferate hardy edible fungus, current generation produces semi-disturbing side-effects
9. Public health official returning from investigation of plague outbreak in the grain-producing provinces, doesn't feel so hot himself
10. Wicked sorcerer wearing aviators goggles and scarf test pilots all-terrain necro-mobile propelled by scads of disembodied human legs, performance exceeds expectations, emits howls of self-satisfied laughter
11. Famous demigod seething with rage after learning of human mother's horrible fate: devoured by divine father, en route to holy mountain to destroy the terrifying old man, welcomes any brave enough to come along
12. Disgraced former Dungeon Overlord w/ragtag band of various monsters, slithers off after disastrous raid by super-powerful adventurers, seeks cozy little cave complex in the country in need of strong leadership

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

d12
1. Sweaty, brutish lout fresh from the wilderness in owlbear-skin suit, giant moustache, smells like beef jerky, utters continuous hate speech against demihumans/savages/foreigners
2. Tall, slender but w/ sinews like steel bands, mismatched bits of gear and armor from defeated foes, despises holy men and paladins because who do they think they are?
3. Scarred escapee from generations of servitude would gleefully hack member of gentry at any opportunity, froths at any obsequious displays, counsels hirelings/henchmen to abandon their masters, collection of teeth knocked out of noble heads
4. Old warrior, too broke to retire, shrivelled but w/ highly refined murder skills, wracking cough, likes to pick on the weak, issues stream of insult comic jabs until target provoked, hides behind lout in entry 1
5. Bloated creep, trickle of saliva from slack lip, incredibly strong but only good for about a minute of combat before wheezing, challenges big guys to feats of strength w/heavy wagering, trash talk, won't pay out if defeated because victor must have cheated
6. Paranoid fighter w/one giant hand won't stop talking about the red reptilians who actually control everything, takes challenges to world view as personal affront
7. Charred fireball survivor can smell a magic-user a stone's throw away and unwilling to take any chances
8. Barrel-bellied gentleman, plate armor straining to contain ever expanding girth, feels all disputes should be resolved via competitive drinking
9. Constable relieved of duties after questionable handling of arrest would love to vent spleen in violent outburst, but to do so lawfully must be struck first
10. Well-spoken cretin espouses half-baked barroom Social Darwinism, goes on at length about how the poor get what they deserve
11. Famous local outlaw fresh from the tailor in fashionable togs, drops silver indiscriminately, gleefully buys round after round, involuntarily hinting at big score he's not supposed to talk about
12. Beloved hero of the previous decade, once-resplendent martial gear now stained and rusty, a bit weird after the dragon bit his head, staggers into people at random w/jostling force, demands apology, saloon patrons very protective

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

d12
1. Semi-deranged senior citizen had lengthy conversation with some devil or other through her hovel's only door, many disturbing revelations, next visit promised for midnight
2. Philosopher-mage hostile to all religion about to get removed/killed by temple security, hollers out half-crazed/half-sensible diatribe for the abolition of the gods, claims to have concocted new magical argument that will dispel deities if only it can be delivered on their home turf
3. Gaggle of children of high station under tutelage of supremely dangerous monk get first hand lesson on manipulating the masses, tailed by shadowy bat-winged thralls of powerful witch w/ambitious kidnapping scheme
4. Extremely ancient vampire, seen it all, done it all, now looking to end it all
5. Semi-repentant libertine, still at least partially stupefied by recent binge gets the hard sell from clergy, veteran of expedition to local dungeon, knows location of pain in ass treasure
6. Forest ape of above average intellect trying to get a grip on the concept, convinced religiosity is the key by which human nature will at last become comprehensible, but if not, his fellows are correct, humanity must be destroyed
7. Seasoned assassin fresh from gig, immune from prosecution while on temple grounds, performs ritual cleanse followed by fortnight of fasting/meditation, then its off to whack some corrupt official, could maybe use a hand with house guards for cut of astonishing fee
8. Local nobles making customary obeisances and nominal tithes while looking down noses at common rabble, purses fat with filthy lucre, take one look at the PCs and hop back in their palanquins
9. Human trafficker, heavily armed crew of cutthroats w/covered wagon-load of candidates for human sacrifice must have taken a wrong turn somewhere
10. Enshrouded victim of terrible dungeon plague short on time, short on cash for required healing, survivor of ill-fated expedition to nearby dungeon, will trade underworld secrets/rumors for gold
11. Celebrity guest preacher actually magically disguised agent of chaos ready to unleash powers of mind-control on congregation, then begin killing temple clergy one-by-one
12. Sorcerer, beady eyes streaming bitter tears, seeks absolution for crimes against nature, swears off pursuit of the dark arts, renounces worldly possessions including fully stocked tower loaded with magic items (does not mention host of terrifying abominations at liberty within), tears raiment, self-flagellates before shrivelling like a punctured balloon in a black cloud of foulness

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

d12
1. Impostor noble from distant kingdom imposing on hospitality of court: trickster looking to ingratiate, befriend, romance then bilk, borrow, steal, slither off into the night, always looks sharp: ancient magical toga transmutes into any desired raiment once daily
2. League of Evil Physicians chief prepares operating theater for demonstration of novel surgical techniques featuring judicious use of lab-developed slimes, puddings, and jellies
3. Small time arms dealer trying to make the big time, recent alliance w/shady dwarf clan using slave labor to triple output of cheap knockoffs of legendary dwarf war products, samples look terrific
4. Assassin disguised as greatest pastry chef in the land, works in seclusion to prepare colossal cake for prince's birthday, actually frosting covered nail bomb
5. High priest of burgeoning Underworld cult and motley entourage inflict their beastly company upon court, petitioning for mutual non-aggression pact w/the realm, believed to have scads of bejewelled gifts/bribe monies standing by in chambers
6. Traitorous yet super-competent major domo, belittled by the royals for the final time, dying to inject disruptive mayhem into courtly life, PCs look like just the patsies to get things going
7. Eligible young noble, exceedingly well connected and in line for wealth/power, interested in pursuing brief romance with random PC in a ploy to draw out idle suitors of a more desirous variety, once attention garnered instantly discards PC w/public accusations of unsavory conduct
8. Powerful witch in guise of faith healer/spiritual guru to the young nobles, sows the seeds of subtle mind control for the day when the children will destroy their parents and she will harness the potency of this bloodshed to call down her dark masters from the stars
9. Friend of a friend of a hanger-on to the staff of a major noble, also expert duellist, looking for opportunity to make a big splash to kick off campaign of status elevation
10. Thousand year old demigod, somewhat diminished by age but still tremendously scary, showed up drunk and took a wing of the palace for personal use, the royals would love to be rid of the menace
11. Venerable ex-court vizier, forced into retirement by ambitious apprentice, doddering, forgetting spells, now secretly hiring swords to exact his terrible vengeance
12. Mighty hero of the realm, returned from mind-bending sojourn into some Hell or other, armor crafted of green leviathan chitin, wicked radiant war-cleaver sidearm, refuses to remove helmet or speak, takes nourishment through mouth slit, squire cautions everyone against sudden moves

Monday, November 11, 2013

d12
1. Human obstacle: this hulking fellow, once-great warrior dinged in the helmet by a giant, affable at first, simply will not get out of the way, throngs of city folk sympathetic to his plight give wide berth
2. Artificial sheriff: crude handmade badge of station, tattered raiment in imitation of city constabulary, speech like movie Frankenstein, attempts to place random party member under arrest for crimes indecipherable
3. Lady who SCREEEEAAAMMMSS everything she says, generally gets all the way up in grill before letting loose paranoid diatribe describing current city officials as patsies for vampire cabal
4. Peculiar, slightly smelly fellow with no discernible skills or profession who really wants to be friends very badly, persistent, ingratiating, offers self up as retainer happy to perform the lowliest of tasks
5. Genius street urchin who learned charm person from senile magic user
6. Charming old lady who used to be a badass fighter must eat gold to live, metabolism permanently changed by encounter with the legendary Gold River of the Underworld, she's full of stories but expensive tastes must be indulged
7. Suspiciously pale performer actually controlled by vampire monkey sidekick
8. Ol' Snakepockets: reputable breeder specialising in deadly vipers, literally squirming at all times w/ 2d12 living snakes around neck, up sleeves, in pants, hair, headgear, etc.
9. Mighty-looking beggar warrior w/compulsive gambling issue saving up coppers to get sword out of hock, would appreciate help in exchange for services
10. Street surgeon: expelled from academy for outlandish (frequently correct) theories, highly successful secret practice responsible for refurbishing criminal element, provides healing, cures diseases non-magically, barter system, sewer-level offices stuffed with stolen trinkets/magic items
11. World's smallest halfling:almost a foot tall, massive sideburns, bloated, appears ungainly but scampers like anything, catches rats with teeth, looking for work, voice like James Earl Jones
12. Man under witch's curse: skin perpetually bursts into flames, lives in water filled-barrel, street folk bring him victuals, warm themselves

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

d12
1. Miniature scale model of recent dungeon construction in extraordinary detail, placement of some death traps subsequently revised
2. Bag full of feathers from angel wings, razor sharp, stronger than steel, exude palpable aura of goodness repellent to soulless/undead, make for awesome magic arrows
3. Cursed fifty foot rope of treachery: to all appearances of the finest quality, ties/unties self at worst possible moment
4. Smart putty, ensorcelled to adhere to face and alter features to desired arrangement at whim, if attempted more than once/day user must make saving throw or face becomes writhing oozing out-of-control mask of unpleasantness
5. Dust and cobweb obscured solid gold trophy for competitive eating championship awarded to Dungeon Overlord earlier in career
6. Severed head of a fellow with terrible hairdo of chaos and ornate earrings of evil, partial dental appliance contains authentic demon fangs, soul-freezing bite attack paralyzes as ghoul, extractions required for use in most healthy PCs
7. Glass globe w/sentient gas being on elegant pedestal, telepathic, bitter, hateful, eats oxygen, famished, if released will instantly suck the air out of the room
8. Former enemies of the Dungeon Overlord, bodies preserved by dip in liquid gold, removed from public display years ago
9. Still-warm crock of giant centipede gumbo, quite nourishing, diabolically spicy, save vs. gastro-intestinal distress 1d4 hours after consumption
10. Shaman's medicine bag, straps hacked through, spattered with gore, contents interesting (tiny skulls of unknown origin, ancient coins no one collects anymore, new and unusual fungi, a shrunken human foot, stinky resins, assorted dried berries, etc.), seem like they should have some kind of mystic function but add up to a hill of beans
11. Gleaming helm w/large frilly moth-like antennae that sense movement/subtlest shifts in air current to a range of 120 feet
12. Palm size diamond, sentient, telepathic, awakened when cut by forgotten god at the dawn of time, has seen it all, knows it all, starving for attention after long isolation, exceedingly clingy and needy but good with numbers, volunteers to become financial advisor to adventurers

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

d12
1. Stoppered vial contains balm that causes thick, lustrous hair to sprout abundantly from skin wherever applied
2. Leather bag held down by heap of stones conceals levitating ingot of extra-dimensional metal of astonishing tensile strength and malleability, will ascend into the heavens if left untethered
3. Life size mannequin magically animates upon command and replicates several popular fighting styles for martial training, armed with array of kendo-style weaponry
4. Scroll of Instantaneous Mass Transport, designed for use when things get extremely bad, teleports any within fifteen feet of caster to distant star/campaign world of the game master's choosing
5. Single lens that allows remote viewing of extremely grim and brutal alternate reality wherein, perhaps unbelievably, the PCs are even more horrible people
6. Skull w/enchanted stone spike driven through, if embedded into skull of living subject at precisely the same angle it stimulates and augments latent telekinetic abilities
7. Crate contains carefully packed three foot long scale model of dirigible, fully functional, w/circlet of remote control included, designer's notes indicate payload capacity of up to ten pounds
8. Hand truck loaded w/unmarked barrels
9. Nearly depleted spool of semi-unbreakable magic thread w/needle tucked in, enchanted small scissors of snipping stuck in the top
10. Lock box containing receipts for massive deposits issued by royal bank of nearest metropolis, ledger, signet ring, enough personal information to pull off identity theft of quasi-lich
11. Scroll scribbled in haste after research breakthrough seems to contain a variant of the disintegrate spell but is actually the arcane equivalent of a cyanide tablet
12. Golden idol of vulgar deity screams obscenities if touched or moved, carries on until dispel magic or equivalent applied

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

d12
1. Gibbering warrior w/crazy eyes carries on about "the mouth in the shadows" while wandering aimlessly dragging 50' rope tied into hangman's noose
2. Powerful sorcerer, stripped of goods, nude but for sigil-inscribed underpants, huge bruised knot on forehead, still groggy after suffering recent KO at the hands of fellow adventurers
3. Ghost of former cleric just wants to talk for a minute about the good news, new revelation: the gods can (and must) be killed
4. Deeply evil but entirely reasonable witch wrapping up spell component gathering mission to nether corners of level, loaded w/various psychoactive fungi, willing to trade for interesting eldritchery
5. Radical cave giant in open revolt against dungeon powers-that-be issues rousing semi-intelligible political speech to any within earshot, will not be exploited again by dungeon autocracy, will hurl boulders only for the betterment of fellow underworld terrors
6. Unintentionally summoned demon chews necromancer haunch while taking leisurely walking tour of interesting dungeon locales
7. Paladin in semi-gleaming mail staggers a bit but looks fine until he raises his visor and its plain to see he's a walking dungeon plague vector
8. Noble surface-aristocrat-turned-expert-assassin on mission to destroy the radical cave giant (entry 5), but may actually agree w/rudimentary populism
9. Slight human form seems to be wearing shaggy sweater, no wait, its made of zillions of living chaos mosquitoes but don't worry, the being assures, they only eat a little
10. Radiant angelic form nailed to floor by iron spike through foot, bats eyelashes, politely asks for assistance
11. Wizard w/perhaps the tallest conical hat on record tries to bamboozle last healing potion from pair of wary fighters with carefully worded rationales, the lot of them multiply punctured by tiny bites of some kind
12. Warrior w/prehensile mustache, sole survivor of total party kill, willing to share location of museum loaded w/bejewelled statuary, doesn't mention that its also a breeding ground for weird chimera

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

d12
1. Tall fellow in high-collared black cloak looks like he wants to parley but then frog-like extensible tongue studded with razor-sharp obsidian starts darting about
2. Experimental horse-man (man-head grafted sloppily onto pony-body): escaped from lab, in search of man-horse last seen on level four and good sorcerer/surgeon
3. Noted sorcerer/surgeon, recently trampled (by entry 2), in state of general discombobulation, levitating at top speed on iron disk, every death spell available on the tip of tongue
4. General of recognizable surface force, practically aglow with enchanted arms/armor, en route to level ten under protection of brother-sister bodyguard team, each sibling master of complimentary martial art
5. World bodybuilding champion of the cave giants sporting truly staggering physique, in repose on litter borne by a platoon of ogres, eating elf-heads like grapes, separate platoon hauls portable workout rig, pretty sure everyone he sees is a big fan
6. Humanoid in hazmat suit w/insignia of sorcerer (see entry 3) runs about in a panic opening doors and screaming about "imminent core melt-down in the humanimal amalgamator"
7. Expert burglar suffering from magical amnesia can't recall where he got the face-melting wand, but doesn't feel at all comfortable about holding on to it
8. Smug warlock major domo leads crew of headless kung-fu zombies bearing broken body of escaped former paramour of celebrity witch, moving towards level four
9. Sword master from famous surface duelling school, identity shrouded by magic, hell bent on proposing marriage to medusa in nearby lair, ritual suicide blade oiled and ready in the event of rejection
10. Lone barbarian, unarmed after losing battle with pack of sphinx-dogs, lurks in shadows waiting for someone to amble by w/a huge axe or something
11. Gill-man Homeland Security Chief in dapper jellyfish leather parade dress, surrounded by personal guard, nervously makes way toward level ten anticipating assassination attempt at any moment
12. Pre-human king of antediluvian provenance, accidentally freed from stony imprisonment by interlopers from surface, flexes restored muscles by kicking the ass of anyone who happens by while mental faculties slowly come back on-line

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

d12
1. High level wizard in full regalia, torn, blood-spattered, black-feathered arrows in back, out of spells, dazed and desperate, clutches still-smoking wand of fireballs with single charge remaining
2. Mystic levitating in lotus position, zooms through dungeon in search of (presumed dead) acolyte charmed into joining band of upstart scoundrels, issues brief but trenchant verbal dressing-down to any adventurers
3. Furious pirate captain w/squad of the vilest sea-dogs conducts brutal search for pick-pocket who slithered below with enchanted sextant, cutlasses drip with vital fluids of the last one to refuse questioning
4. Ogre with new found culinary passion has no interest in dispatching surface dwellers despite extremely ferocious appearance, will trade notched war axe for wine/spices/cooking equipment, found dead body of acolyte (see entry 2) and wants to do something really special with it
5. Impaled warrior still on feet despite near-total blood loss thinks he remembers where he dropped a sack of huge gems
6. Junior thieves hide in shadows while moving silently having stolen the kobold czar's silver circlet as part of an initiation ritual, unfortunately for them the relic glows powerfully through any wrapping
7. Mayor of nearby town in false mustache and cloak w/giant bodyguard (hairless and mute but just rippling with bone-cracking muscles), dismissed from latest mandatory secret meeting with dungeon overlord, human sacrifice demands doubled
8. Barbarian w/gore-smeared bastard sword goes to great lengths to get adventurers to indicate direction of exit while concealing total bewilderment, suggestions that he might be lost illicit foaming over-reaction
9. Quite powerful witch from across the way (accompanied by pair of towering headless kung-fu zombies) awaits arrival of local celebrity witch, irritation increases with each passing minute
10. Knight with crumpled helm and caved-in cuirass crawls toward the exit muttering about the "fist from below"
11. Thief concealing enchanted sextant (see entry 3) rushes to lower levels to meet underworld connections, knows secret way through the Corridor of Twenty Traps
12. Swarm of dark elf children tethered together by neck-harnesses scamper about snake-like having escaped their keeper, a ghastly troll hag now desperate enough to ask surface folk for assistance

Monday, September 30, 2013

d12
1. Gyrnos of Antedeluvia, vampire sage: so ancient/hideous he stays enshrouded by ebon wrappings, dedicated to accumulation of knowledge but also very very thirsty, allows adventurers to bargain for lives by telling him something he doesn't already know, zero sense of humor remaining
2. Trio of blood sucking dolts: hapless goofballs in mortal life, still mentally negligible in undeath, sleep crammed into single coffin they carry around with them, duped by even the most ludicrous ruse
3. Sister Zrinlava: former high priestess of lawful cult now cruising around the underworld in full-blown spiritual crisis, begs any adventurer-clergy for purification while weeping pitifully, inevitable failure followed by explosive rage
4. Yolo Tensalian, once a thief: skills honed by centuries of aimless pick-pocketry, carries random assortment of recently harvested treasures w/special emphasis on key-rings, not averse to parley for own amusement, devastating back-of-the-neck attack
5. Bat-face Boros: unable to fully master shape change ability, attempts to compensate by maintaining impeccably fashion forward image, collection of baroque masks, feeds only upon the stunningly beautiful
6. Dr. Satirion: in guise of benevolent wandering phlebotomist, exchanges valuable dungeon tips for pints, 50% chance of feeding frenzy if anyone actually agrees to terms
7. Gaggle of recently created vampires, bored aristocrats from nearest metropolis, search in vain for master who regrets this particular binge deeply, dodges them and will pay adventurers to see to their destruction
8. The Vampire Connoisseur: may choose to feed upon party member in exquisite physical condition but most filthy murderhoboes beneath consideration, eager to make finger-wagging presentation complete with diet and exercise recommendations to improve health and render blood suitable for consumption
9. Mujisto, vampire politician: silver-tongued devil travels from domain to domain, outlining semi-visionary plans for uniting factions into unstoppable coalition, burgeoning fan-base, assassinating him wins favor with evil princelings and petty bosses
10. Prala the former scullery maid: just wants to follow the party around meekly until such time as one of them perishes, then savage feeding, thorough tidying
11. Strax, art vampire: locked into obsessive behavioral cycle where he roams the underworld fiefdoms, indulges tyrants and top-dogs with self-aggrandizing portraiture, then eats them, lately word has gotten around, perhaps the party would like a group shot to commemorate their delve?
12. Blargon the Vampire Barbarian: naked but for fur action shorts, iron thews visible through semi-translucent skin crisscrossed with scars, gore-soaked battle axe, easily offended

Friday, September 27, 2013

d12
1. Sir Blagdor the Irrepressible: hyper-alert for anything remotely resembling a challenge, likes to strip off armor for bare-knuckle brawling, Greco-Roman wrestling, wears bejewelled championship girdle of ogre power
2. The Knight of Green Malaise, cursed to constantly exude verdant mist of somnolence, emerges from preternatural lassitude whenever PC warriors begin to come into their strength and need knocking down a peg or two, returns to mystic lair for a good fortnight's slumber
3. Sir Chandox, clandestine relationship with shipping guild and several other commercial enterprises, pursues quests as suggested by board of trustees to maximize war profiteering opportunities
4. Sir Orostu, the elephant-riding knight: serves the Lords of the Savannah and honors them by challenging all comers to exceedingly lopsided jousts, Guanto the elephant wields massive flail w/trunk
5. Ignossus of the Waxing Moon: very tall, slender, hairless and gray w/pale yellow armor, claims to act on behalf of lunar monarchy to defeat and demoralize earth men, spouts off about coming invasion and makes elegant arguments for humankind to just throw in the towel
6. Sir Farsifal the Lecherous: clumsy practitioner of courtly love, instantly smitten by undying devotion again and again, ruthlessly terminates perceived rivals, enemies everywhere
7. Sir Nosar the hill giant knight: created by highly irresponsible monarch just to increase regional mayhem, clad in fabulously huge custom plate, jousts unmounted, notches in ebon club indicate unmatched duelling record
8. The Knight Impostor: unknown champion of chaos w/illusionist ally, huge collection of helmets, shows up in guise of famous knights (or PC warriors) to sow confusion and sully reputations
9. Sir Hedrick the Clueless: incredible self-confidence matched only by intellectual limitations, seldom comprehends current situation but always pretends to, famously gullible, hapless patsy in many outrages engineered by the wicked, speech consists entirely of catchphrases picked up over the years
10. Sir Throndos, Champion of the Accused: misguided sense of justice, demands trial by arms to prove innocence of even the demonstrably evil, really quite good at most types of fighting
11. Sir Haknoth the Insufferable: humility snuffed out by unbroken string of victories, you know he's boasting wildly if his lips are moving, trolling for duels 24/7, colossal mace, bad breath
12. The Dead Knight: seemingly animated by pure devotion to duty, continues to serve crown and country despite having fallen in battle long, long ago, martial skill unaffected by advanced state of decomposition

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

d12
1. Must drain chalice of hot poison for magical entry, saving throw required
2. Via the Queen's magic mirror which leads to the dragon's magic mirror, wherever he's keeping it these days
3. Teleported in by anointing head with the blood of the Ogre Czar
4. Pass through permanent dimension door at the top of a 1000 meter tree
5. Locate dungeon door only in dream state induced by exceedingly rare cave fungus that grows on hell hound droppings
6. Leap through the top floor window in the Spider-lich's spire
7. Mega-swarm of moon moths provide lift to cloud door if first charmed by series of elaborate rituals w/plenty of dancing and blood sacrifice
8. Navigate reeking sewer-maze beneath the city of extinct titans
9. Only known entrance at the base of inverted pyramid on the moon
10. An arch-devil must agree to show you the way
11. Unlocked door in the wall of cavern thousands of feet beneath the ocean surface, ancestral burial ground of the intelligent cephalopods
12. Monumental excavation effort requiring huge labor force toiling night and day for months, all the while terror-mummies claw their way up from the deep sands

Saturday, September 21, 2013

d12
1. Yarth Creedle, famous bounty hunter with 100% success record: lost, starving, delusional, seeking elusive pixie war criminal for a faerie tribunal, grill full of gold teeth, rod of fugitive detection out of charges
2. The Levitating Hermit: singular power of geas to compel tough-looking strangers to seek his wayward hermit-bride on the far side of the forest, homebrewed potion to cure her current state of murderous insanity
3. Ungbelly the panacea purveyor: half-pixie snake oil salesman with cart full of random potions, cure-alls, balms, salves, unguents, got high on own supply, abandoned by hirelings, hiding from vicious goblin creditors
4. Blang the intelligent T-rex: distended skull with Frankensteinian scars/bolts/staples, network of paths beaten into hunting grounds surrounding fancy bower bird-like nest, attempts communication using chewed log as stylus for drawing in dirt, only requires one party member or beast of burden in exchange for safe passage
5. Epimentus the All-Wise: clad only in his own expansive beard, charismatic guru to gaggle of tree house dwelling hunter-gatherers (city folk swept up in back to nature movement), recently fallen on hard times, needs cutthroats to assist in maintaining communal harmony by silencing doubters
6. Aquedayn Slowneedle: lives in petrified tree trunk, able to divine future through automatic tattooing on knowledge seekers, the more information desired, the greater percentage of the body must be inked, 100% chance of infection
7. Vivishek: toga clad philosopher ape, leaps onto scene spoiling for a good debate, has variety of spells ready to augment his arguments
8. Buzhwa Tightpurse: merchant prince abducted by bugbears, chewed through bonds to escape, tattered finery corroborates claims of opulence, offers hefty reward for escort to nearby metropolis where he will assassinate his father for failure to pay ransom in a timely fashion
9. Juku: man born with prehensile tail, left society in disgust following lifelong persecution by tail-haters, taken in by forest apes but recently left them in disgust as well, seeks thrills, deadly accuracy with blowgun
10. Halulla, high priestess to gaggle of peace-loving nudist vegetarians in thrall to petty forest deity, subsist by gathering herbs from supernaturally fertile zone protected by giant ring of anti-monster brambles, deity requires single human sacrifice monthly to become one with the loam via transubstantiation ritual
11. Jumwal the forest imp: three feet tall, six feet w/conical wizard hat, travelling salesman of stuff taken from lost caravans, rides/protected by charmed giant python loaded with crates, yodels out musical price list while cruising along fearlessly
12. Okham the Razor: super-competent assassin drummed out of guild and marked for death following violation of needlessly complex regulations, sent by Hofnor Tightpurse to preemptively rub out his missing son (see entry 8)