Yevhen Polishchuk (Fedutinov) instagram: @ evgeniyafedutinovavk.com / janeshomebaking– It all started with baking for relatives and friends. Gradually, she began uploading photos of her baking to Instagram, and orders began to come in. I made my first cake to order on October 13, 2014, and a little earlier I started making macarons and cupcakes. We can say that the business "found me myself", I am very [...]

The Problem of Love and Marriage

In the 21st century, more and morethe problem of love and marriage, as an infantile husband. And if the unadapted woman does not cause a special irritation (she perfectly finds herself in the role of a housewife), a dependent man usually deserves public reprimand. Moreover, husbands go much further than women in their infantilism. Unadapted wife still leads the household, prepares dinner. From a male child, such help does not have to wait. They motivate their refusal to help the household by saying that it is "not a man's business". Their duty is to hammer a nail into the wall once a year and nothing else. So the woman pulls the whole family on herself. By the way, nails also become her responsibility, because the infantile is so not used to doing something, that the shelf suspended by it threatens to fall down in a couple of days. Where do modern problems of marriage, such as infantile husbands, come from? How to recognize them? And how to deal with male self-dependence? Psychologists believe that the emergence of infantilists is directly related to feminism and the women's pulling the blanket of primacy over themselves. However, you can argue here. Perhaps feminism is not the cause, but the consequence? Modern problems of family and marriage began when men stopped earning, being leaders, supporting the family. But someone should do this? That's tucking 50% of women's sleeves to take on the burden of family life. Do you think she wants that much? Work hard at work for 10 hours instead of going to fitness, in the Beauty Salon? Apparently, she likes to run riotously from work to cook dinner, wash, clean and dust off the eternally lying on the couch (sitting at the computer) her husband? What keeps a woman next to such a man? The reasons can be several:

Children (By the way, babies love children, and in such families, replenishment appears quickly enough);

Nowhere to go (a fairly common problem);

Pity (Unadapted men emotionally attach themselves to their victims, making them co-addicted., Simply put, "I would leave a man, sorry, will be lost without me").

Who needs a divorced woman with a child (infantile enough often "fuels" this version, developing a woman's self-doubt)

Love. (This is the strongest binding.) Unadapted husbands are usually tender and romantic).

Portrait of a hero

So who is such an infantile man? This is not a matured boy. Such people are usually not adapted to make money, it is difficult for them to hammer a nail, to warm up the soup pot. Infantile husbands can afford to forget about the assignment. And if you approach them with a complaint, just make puzzled round eyes. Like children. In fact, they do not forget anything. It's just that they are lazy. Why do something if you can safely play computer games. And the problem itself will resolve. Checked. No money to pay for water or light? Well, "there is no trial, no." He will not go, in fact, to earn them! Infantil calmly waits for the problem to grow to global proportions, and outsiders will connect to its solution. Mom, Dad, wife, friends, relatives - everyone runs around the authorities with a request not to file an unreasonable lodger in court, while he serenely plays computer games. And why rush? He said that everything will be decided. And they gave me the money, and the receipts were put in order. Beauty! Infantil rather stretches in his chair and starts another round of computer games. The word "depression" is the first in the list of words used. Wife called a slacker? Infantilny husband fell into universal sorrow. He was offended. Has your legs wet? In advance preparing for a large cold, while cursing her husband for sending him to the rain for bread. To the problem of love and marriage add to the constant depression of a gentle husband. And in the end, the wife stops to pick on him, believing that "more expensive." All the same, he will not do anything, but he will pout for a week. And this is exactly what our cunning did. If the husband is infantile, do not expect confessions and strong feelings. Such a person loves only himself. No, he will say how wonderful you are, but all his words can be translated like this: "You are so wonderful that you care about me." Treason is also part of the way of life infantile. He does not suffer from remorse. It's so nice. Why not do it.

Childhood infantile

Such a man is usually born to a strong andstrong-willed mother. The father, as a rule, either does not (divorced when the child was very small), or he is completely dependent on the opinion of his wife. Since childhood, the child has been fully cared for (it is not uncommon when infantilals are the only children in the family). Any wish was fulfilled even before it was announced. In the end, people got used to the fact that everything is for him. That everything is there. And do not strain. When the infantile grew up, he was continued to be wrapped in children's pants, buying an apartment, arranging for work, helping with money. Problems of family and marriage are prudently solved by parents, buying everything necessary, acquainting the son with the right people, finding him a resigned bride. And if the real life began to show its true face, the immature boy was simply frightened. The chief shouted? I wrote a letter of resignation. Misunderstandings with a friend? He struck him out of his life so as not to bother with the analysis of the situation and apologies. Infantil always follows the path of least resistance. Or rather, it just sits in place, and life goes by.

Marriage

Guess who the infantile takes in wives? That's right, a woman who will look like his mother. After all, the main task of such a man (albeit unconsciously) is to replace the wet nurse-mother with a wet nurse. That is, it is necessary to find a woman who resignedly resigns herself to all the duties of the house and his, incomparable. To do this, the infantile chooses the one that:

is able to provide for the family (it is the woman who is to work);

will be dependent on him for some reason (age, past, lack of an apartment, the availability of children),

will be lower in social status (infantile is very important to feel superiority),

will love him.

Wives of infantils are always not sure of themselves. They believe that they are already so lucky with this husband. And the fact that he is lazy and not dependent, so this is a feature of the nature of this. The philosophy of such a woman: "Look, Zinka's husband at all drinks and raises his hand on her. But my quiet, calm, does not drink, does not walk. What else does? Money? It is not important. Especially since I earn good money. And my husband does not need much. Cigarettes, cookies (he has a sweet tooth) and tea. But he loves me and the children "The fact that a healthy man simply uses it, a woman does not come to mind. For the time being.

How to recognize an infantile man

Without special skills, this is difficult to do. Such people are initially very well disguised. At first, a woman will feel that this man gives her a lot. So a divorced woman with a child can "peck" at the fact that the infantile is getting along very well with her child (as he himself is in the child's soul), not against the stamp in the passport and is ready to give her everything that she currently owns. While the rest of the men looked with caution at the child and offered a civil marriage (and suddenly we could not get along). Plus, his family will be very well treated both by the woman and the child. This is a kind of "honey trap". They have already recognized the nature of their infantile and will only be happy to shove him on other people's shoulders. By the way, if the infantile begins to offer your favorite golden mountains, and give the last shirt, do not believe it. This is a lie. Such men very carefully guard everything they own, because they understand that they themselves can not earn money on this thing. Therefore, the original promises will remain words.

Types of infantiles

There are two types of similar men:

The former is well aware that hehas not yet matured and will build relationships like "adult-child." That is, the wife will be required to be not a woman, but a mother. Protect, feed, provide. In everyday life it is very similar to a child. Cheerful and affectionate when mom smiles. And capricious, when they expect responsibility from him. This type expects constant control from his wife and silently hates her for what she constantly tells him what to do.

The second type is never recognized in the world forthat he is infantile. He will scream that this world is imperfect. And here it is - exactly what you need. The best. In order to emphasize their superiority, such a man marries a plain-looking, near-by girl, compared to which the man himself will look like a real hero.

At the hour when a young wife will fall pink glasses(and they'll fall by all means, too infantile is not dependent, it's hard not to notice). And the young look will no longer shine with adoration, her husband will find her temporary replacement in the form of a mistress. The one who will say that he is a real man. And those who do not think so, just envy him. And they will live until someone gets tired of this farce.

What if the husband is infantile?

Many women, having fallen for the bait of an immature person, begin to suffer the question: what to do? Psychologists have outlined several solutions to this problem:

Force the burden of responsibility onmale shoulders. To do this, you must fall ill, lose your job, get into trouble. However, you have to disappoint. If this method works, then not for long. Of course, the infantile is capable of a temporary manifestation of masculinity. But in order that he constantly earns and cared for the family at the level of the other men, you need all the time to get sick, sit without work or live with troubles. But that will not help either. Infantil will take care of the month, the other, the third, until he realizes that it is more profitable for him to change his wife than to exert such efforts.

Put the question squarely. Say, dear, if you do not find a job for a month (you can fix it by yourself), you will have to look for a new wife. This method works only if you are fully happy enough that the husband began to bring into the house at least some money. That is, it will remain unsuitable, but stop asking you for money for cigarettes.

Continue to work, but to create in the family suchThe situation with which you alone can not cope. For example, a large debt has grown for a rent. At the same time, you have to make a confused face and always ask for support from your husband: "Darling, what should we do?" This method works when infantileism is not very developed in the husband, and he is still capable of acting. If you live with a double egoist, in response to the problem he will make the same bewildered and round eyes: "I have no idea, my dear."

Divorce. If a man really loves you, then for a relatively short period he will fulfill all the long-term assignments that you gave him. He'll take a job, make repairs in the kitchen, fix the roof at the cottage. After that, he solemnly demonstrates to you all the changes and asks you to return. But do not flatter yourself. All these feats he committed in a state of shock. As soon as the waves settle, and the man sees that you are there again and all in the old way, he will turn into a former sloth, who clogs the nail from the fiftieth reminder and instead of throwing out the garbage, carefully compacts the bucket. There is, of course, another development of events: hubby will safely move to another warm wings (new wife, mother). But in any case, why do you need such an unadapted capricious boy instead of a husband?

To suffer and further. The most common way out. The woman begins to lie to herself and others. Get rid of girlfriends who are trying to open her eyes to the fact that she is simply used for their own purposes. Empower the infantile husband with non-existent abilities. Buy gifts on his behalf. Simply put, the wife adapts to such a life. However, nothing good in the end does not work. (Only if a woman does not have good health). From moral and physical overloads, the wife sooner or later falls ill. A husband who is not used to worry about someone, or is not able to help her and let the disease into its own right, or simply escapes from problems. It often happens that husbands, suffering from infantilism, abandon their feeble wives in old age. They lived in hothouse conditions and remained well. Then, as a wife from a hard life, she grew old and does not attract him as a woman.

Positive aspects of life with infantile

Let's finish the article with positive points? After all, life with an infantile is not only a double load and, in fact, the adoption of an unadapted husband. There are also positive aspects of such a marriage. What kind? Let's look. The woman becomes more independent. She learns to rely only on herself. Such wives always have a way out, they do not lose heart. By the way, they are also more responsible in terms of money. Having an idle husband, you should always have a stash in case you are unable to work for some reason. Wives of infantilists have an active personal growth. They start to develop faster, to master new professions. All because they now have to work for two, so the woman is looking for a job more prestigious, more highly paid. Such a husband will never tell a woman what to do. He simply does not have his own opinion, which is very convenient for authoritarian wives. Girlfriends for months prove the second half about the need to buy a new TV, while husbands persistently argue that this television is enough for their grandchildren. And infantile in response only obediently nods his head: "As you say, darling" In any case, at what stage of the relationship you would not be with the infantil, let me give you advice: Love yourself. Do not put your life on the altar of someone else's unfitness, laziness and unwillingness to do something. You deserve better, believe me! We advise you to read: