Connecting The Dots

Discussing the threads of my own passions which have culminated in my work as coach, mentor, presenter in my own business.

Walls vs Doorways

Mary Johnson - Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Last evening marked the first workshop in a 4 part workshop series on 'Life's Third Act' or life after 60 and our fourth offering of this program. Gathered was a group of 11 women transitioning, for the most part, away from traditional work and looking for 'what's next?'. Many expressed the frustration of feeling stuck. Most of our lives we look at life as a series of obstacles to be tackled, dominated, worked around, climbed over. Goals are set. We march out to accomplish them.

As we find ourselves contemplating our Third Act, the whole goal thing becomes blurry. We don't know what we want to achieve, do, contribute. We can't see beyond the walls, barriers we erect around our not knowing. Not knowing is darn uncomfortable! So we rail and fight against the wall in front of us. 'I want to know!' 'I hate being stuck.' 'Tell me what I am supposed to so.' The more we argue with the walls the more we feel stymied.

What if those walls in front of you aren't walls but doorways? That going over, under, around them is not what you are to do. You need to go through them. This means making friends or at least a truce with 'not knowing', 'feeling stuck', 'no goals', 'no clue'. A most uncomfortable place to be!! Perhaps THIS is what this time is about. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Not having all the answers. Allowing what's next to arrive without man handling the whole situation personally. Trusting 'Life' a little more. Oh this is not easy. Especially for high achieving, capable, competent women (and men).

So consider befriending 'the wall' so that the doorway through appears. This quote showed up for me today. Bingo I say! It from one of my favourite human beings and coach extraordinaire Doug Silsbee.

"Presence requires us to stay with even what is uncomfortable, so that it becomes tolerable and so that we can organize ourselves towards what matters, rather than away from discomfort."