LAST night, Australians had a chance to show compassion for a victim of family violence. Instead we’ve responded with vicious and vitriolic blame.

Yesterday Australian actress Melissa George appeared on Channel 7’s Sunday Night program. In an extended interview she spoke about her former partner (French entrepreneur Jean-David Blanc), the custody battle over their children and a night of physical violence that saw them both convicted of assault.

The reaction online to George’s interview was malicious and immediate. It exposed a dark and disturbing undercurrent in Australian society. An ingrained culture that continues to hold women responsible for violence perpetrated against them.

Here’s just a taste of what’s being said about George in the online world:

“People say Men should treat women better ... I say a Lady should be more careful who she spends her time with ...”. “maybe he just had enough of your rot too ... he's human. we all have a snapping point..” “Who was taking ice? Him or her[?]” “You can’t believe a word she says … Why didn’t they interview her ex?”

George, who has previously made some publicly snobby remarks about her home country, was apologetic during the interview. “I know I did not-nice things ... I take full responsibility for it,” the former Home and Away actress told Channel 7.

But internet commenters aren’t just unsympathetic — they’re almost relishing in George’s situation.

“If you bag out Australia then you are not entitled to any empathy ever again in your entire life.” “Oh now she is sorry, how convenient.” “She was too good for Australia when all was going well with her … just deal with this yourself sweetheart. The rest of us are not interested” “Silly girl ...”

As the comments online continue to flow and grow, we’re seeing that these aren’t a few rogue trolls either. There are huge numbers of comments that are being liked by dozens and dozens of people enjoying the downfall of a woman who dissed her Aussie roots.

The community reaction to George’s comments is revealing. It’s a reminder that the prevailing narrative around family violence in Australia remains some version of “she asked for it”.

Whether it’s because a woman dressed a certain way, stayed in a relationship too long, took drugs, drank alcohol, “provoked” her partner — or heaven forbid made a slight about her home country — our society’s default position is that a woman contributes to her own abuse.

Despite Rosie Batty being made Australian of the Year and celebrated for the strength and heart and dedication she displays. Despite the weekly and public counting of women killed at the hands of their partner. Despite the increased television and print news coverage of family violence.

Despite the national plan and the hotline and the law reforms and the white ribbons and the breakfasts and public oath taking by our male celebrities … Despite it all we still find some way or another to blame women for violence committed against them. We make women responsible.

The fact that Melissa George has been kind of (okay, a lot) snooty about Australia in the past does not make the abuse she suffered any more acceptable. She doesn’t become inherently less deserving of protection because she prefers Paris to Sydney or because she was annoying on Grey’s Anatomy or because you think she isn’t a very good actress.

Everyone deserves to feel and be safe, regardless of how ‘nice’ we deem them to be.

Similarly, the violence committed against George isn’t somehow nullified because of the violence committed by her. The heartbreaking reality is that violence destroys families and when children are part of the equation its results can be even more devastating.

On television last night we saw the truth of that up close.

By responding with blame instead of compassion for George, our community sends a powerful and damaging message to those who suffer at the hands of abusive partners. We send a message to the victims who live in fear each and every day, the victims who are watching on from the other side of a computer screen.

The message is this: Don’t forget that this is All. Your. Fault.

Jamila Rizvi is a writer, presenter and news.com.au columnist. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter.