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HELLO GORGEOUS!

Happy Monday. I trust you all had a wonderful weekend and many of you will be off of work today to celebrate Veteran’s Day. God Bless all the heroes and sheroes who have so courageously served our country.

Over the past few weeks, the following topic has been on my heart and I wanted to share it here with you. If you are tuned into Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday’s or have your nose in the latest self-development books, you know the topic of Ego is everywhere. Allowing the ego to rule is an epidemic that, we as a society, try to protect ourselves with it. Is is really protection? No, it’s not. The Ego robs you of the beauty, love, grace, joy and connection we all long for. We can view the EGO as Edging God Out. When we edge God out, we are edging LOVE out. I wore so many masks for years and would throw a wall up in a New York minute if my Ego felt threatened. This was misery! Life is lackluster and in black & white, it’s cold and unfulfilling when you allow the Ego to run things.

When we shift from Ego to Love, our world changes. It becomes joy-filled, vibrant, exciting, colorful and whole.

Look beyond…open your eyes. This week see beyond a person’s mask, walls, hard heart and the superficial facade they guard themselves with. Allow your HEART to see their HEART.. instead of your Ego greeting their Ego. Beyond everyone’s Ego is a Child of God longing to BE SEEN for who they really are.

Do you protect yourself with a mask?

Are you afraid to let others SEE you, but you secretly long for them to?

Do you judge others for their superficial exterior or can you see their authenticity beyond the “act”?

Can you see someone’s heart even though it may be covered with scars, a lock & chain and layers of pain?

I challenge us all to really SEE the purity and greatness in others and in turn, others will be free to see the greatness in us. Lose the term “take it for face value” and look deeper. You will be blessed for it!

We have all made poor choices which can leave a trail of emotional destruction…within us. I know I sure have! Can you recall making a choice like this? The type of choice that leaves that trail along with wounds of shame, self-loathing, anger and disappointment. When you add all of those things together.. whew, talk about a recipe for destruction! Yesterday, I realized that this week-the week after Labor Day- 15 years ago I made this type of choice. A choice based solely out of fear. I had an abortion. There I said it. The Positive Polly, Style Coach and Spiritual Mentor you all know made one of the poorest choices EVER and is admitting it. I do so freely because I know many of you reading this right now have also made this choice. Often, I share this story with my on-on-one coaching clients and in workshops, but today- I feel it may help many of you here on this community.

At that time in my life, I had turned my back on God, buried the trauma from my past and was on a path of self-destruction with any type of substance, toxic relationship or emotion numbing activity I could find. The last thing I could do was be a good mother. I had always said, “I will not be a screwed up girl raising a screwed up child.” On my birthday that year, I stood in my bathroom alone and looked down at 2 positive pregnancy tests. Happy Freakin’ Birthday Tiff. Honestly, I did not even contemplate ANY other option than abortion. I was not in a serious, healthy relationship with the father and I had already planned to move to LA the following January. This was NOT in my plans. The internal butt-kicking began. “How could I be so stupid to have unprotected sex? You idiot! Mama will be so disappointed in you. No, I can’t tell her. I can’t tell anyone! Not even my best friend!” I decided I would carry this choice all alone. I wouldn’t want to shatter their “Miss Perfect” image of me.

The day came to have the procedure and it was like a bad nightmare. I was dropped off at the front door alone with not a soul to escort me in and hold my hand. This was my choice. Although it was 15 years ago, it feels like yesterday as I recall the whole thing. When I woke up, there were several other girls of all ages in one recovery room. Every head hung low and eyes filled with shame. No one would look at each other directly in the eye. The shame I carried from my past was intensified to a whole new level which was out of this stratosphere. I will bury it. I will add a new mask to my collection. FEAR FEAR FEAR.. the worst F-word there is was officially the leader of the pack now. There was no room for self-love, acceptance, Faith, hope or happiness. They were all shoved to the back of the line for a very long time.

THEN THERE WAS GOD!

As I write this today, I can honestly admit that I am free….yes, one of the greatest F-words…FREE! When I slowly began turning my life back to God, which was just a glance over my shoulder for a while, I began understanding the Power of Forgiveness. “Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.” [via http://greatergood.berkeley.edu]

I asked God to forgive me of this poor choice, this sin- but it was imperative that in order to have true freedom, I had to also forgive myself. I had to…yes, HAD TO release the toxic feelings of resentment and hatred towards myself. A deliberate decision, not half-heartedly, but completely and without restraint- the decision to give myself the gift…the freedom of forgiveness. In order to heal and move on with life we MUST give ourselves this gift. God forgives us so let’s take His example and do the same for ourselves. Unforgiveness keeps you stuck like your feet, your heart and soul are in hardened concrete. When I forgave myself, the concrete shattered. HELLO FREEDOM! I have moved on! That deserves repeating.. I HAVE MOVED ON!

OUR POOR CHOICES DO NOT DEFINE US!

Many of us allow our past and poor choices to define us. It’s time to redefine YOU! Is there a choice you’ve made that you are holding unforgiveness toward yourself for today? Are you allowing it to destroy you, your life and your happiness? Do you feel stuck? Give yourself Grace today. Give yourself the Gift of Forgiveness. Give yourself Love. Do not allow the unforgiveness to rob you of one more day. You are more courageous than you realize. Take a sledge hammer to the concrete and…..

Honoring all of you beautiful Mother’s today!

As you look at your children smile and laugh today, revel in your amazing accomplishment. Enjoy the day because YOU ROCK! I am where I am today because of my Mama’s consistent prayers, love, example, belief and support. She always told my sister and I we could do and be whatever we dreamed of! I’m so grateful for her. They say your mom is your very first friend then my baby sister came along 4 1/2 years later. No matter what girlfriends come in and out of your life– family is the foundation of our lives.

She is WOMAN.She is Mother. Daughter. Wife. Sister.She is a Person.She is Strong, Smart, Crafty.She is Passionate, Courageous, Generous.Cooking barefoot is only one of several superpowers.She is Action, Emotion, Devotion.She has Hope, Beauty, Power.She has a Brain and she knows how to use it.She Gives You LIFE.She gives you RESPECT, LOVE, GRATITUDE.She believes in you.She will nurture you, fight for you.She deserves nothing less from you.

{anonymous}

{Southern girls loving quality time in the kitchen! With my mom, Rocki- and sister, Natalie}

Hello LOVElies,

Yes, we all know it is the month for love and I’m fully aware that we have Valentine’s messages coming at us from all directions. Does it make you want to puke already? Well, be relieved– I am not going to talk about chocolates, lingerie or roses. Usually my posts are colorful and whimsical. Sorry, there’s no red or pink in today’s post. I’m giving it to you straight and would rather share the simple but PROFOUND truth about love. By now, if you have been following my blog for a while you know I have a strong faith in God and because of all the obstacles I’ve faced in life, I have had to work HARD on my “love walk”. I admit I had become cynical toward love and it’s taken a while for my heart to soften. Now it’s like puddy.

I have had a long journey to trusting and loving others. This is where I have to give mad props to my hubby for being an example of love and humility every single day. We just celebrated our 9 year wedding anniversary on the 11th and I’m not sure if I would fully understand the purity of love if it wasn’t for him. That man has put up with my walls, my anger and my issues. He just kept loving me through it all. See, I allowed the wrong men in my life for years and with all the baggage I carried including ‘daddy issues’– I don’t think I truly understood real love until I found God. Then, God brought my hubby and I was officially on the Love Train.. woo hoo! So– if you have a problem with the Bible, go ahead and log off this blog post now. BUT, I would hope you would open your heart because I believe the Bible to be the very best ‘self-help’ book on the planet. 1 Corinthians 13 is known as the “Love Chapter” and it’s the greatest reminder of how we should all live our lives…….and not just on Valentine’s Day.

Do you love others easily?

What about the very difficult, high maintenance people?

Do you allow your ego to take over and judge others instead of showing love?

When we focus on coming from a place of love- AT ALL TIMES- instead of allowing our ego to take over, we remain in peace and peace is a place of power! Many issues, squabbles and stupid altercations come from allowing our ego to rule over us. I have to read 1 Corinthians 13 on weekly basis to keep myself in-check.

LOVE NEVER FAILS!

Try it and you’ll see. The next time your ego takes over… STOP. Picture yourself in the other persons shoes and approach the sitch from a place of love… NOT EGO!

Hey Beautiful,

Drawn by Julie, Age 17

How was your first full week of 2013? I am fueled by all the excitement and energy that’s buzzing around. I’ve had a wonderful yet challenging week. My heart is so full of hope for the girls I’ve been mentoring and I thank you all for your prayers. I know it’s making a difference! Some day, I will share more details with you, but for now I wish to protect them. I have become a surrogate mama and I’m grateful to have the opportunity to speak life into a child who needs it. I have learned many valuable lessons from this experience, but one of the most important is that the power of our words can alter everything for a person, especially a child. The words we speak over others can create a flourishing life or total destruction. The same goes for how we speak over our own lives as well. I have had to reprogram my messed up thinking from childhood. It’s been a loooong process, but I finally made it to the other side….well, it’s really not the ‘other side’. It’s the course I should have been on all along. My authentic course. Not the one a parent, teacher, grandparent, coach or mentor created for me.

When you were a child, were you told you were smart? beautiful? talented? My dad never said these things to me, in fact he made me feel down right stupid, but thank God my mom reinforced my strengths and made up for my dad’s lack of encouragement and affection. For the record, my dad only did what his own father did to him. I love my dad and we have a much healthier relationship now.

Yep, I’m a late bloomer, but better late than never, right. Now, I am passionate to help others get back on course as well. I hope it encourages you to know– at any given moment– we have the choice to change our course. Be diligent in how you speak to yourself and to others. Choose to speak life not death.

THIS WEEK I WILL…..

Think before I speak.

Shower others with compliments. Even strangers.

Be encouraging instead of critical.

Stay on my authentic course. (No matter what)

Tell myself every single day, “Girl, you are beautiful!”

Forgive those who criticize me. It’s only a projection of their own insecurities.

Not complain. It puts me in a weak position instead of a powerful one!

Silence my Negative Nellie. Even if I have to use the duct tape!

Take a beat and a breath before I let something stupid fly out of my mouth. (We can’t take words back)

Live with integrity 24/7.

Embrace my own pace! My personal growth path is an ‘at my own pace’ plan. I will not judge it… no matter how slow it seems compared to others!

Did any of this resonate with you? I would love to hear your comments + thoughts. Tweet it and share this post with your friends too. I appreciate it!

A big pat on the back to all of you who joined in the “Complaint- Free Weekend Challenge” on theFacebook Community. I trust it was an eye-opening experience and raised your awareness in how you speak on a daily basis. By focusing on the blessings in our lives, we unlock the power for even more blessings to flow. Complaining does the opposite and blocks the blessings.

Hello Beautiful Butterflies,

HONOR: to regard or treat with esteem or RESPECT.

On my powerwalk this morning, I asked God to give me some inspiration for today’s blog post. He answered. Creative and inspired thoughts come to me on my walks and today was extra special because it had to do with my taking time to honor my body with a long walk.It’s been raining for the last few days here in LA so I’ve missed my hikes and walks. The rain stopped long enough for me to throw on my tennis shoes and go on a 45 minute walk around the neighborhood. It felt wonderful– mentally + physically– to honor my body and spirit. I gave to me. I was generous to me. I showed respect to me. I showed love to me. Are you honoring YOU? Are you loving YOU? Are you generous to YOU? Women are so giving + generous to everyone around them and often neglect themselves! If this is you, please understand that you are DISHONORING yourself. For example, you are dishonoring your body if you skip meals, grab junk on the go and never make time to exercise. You are dishonoring yourself by allowing others to manipulate you with toxic behavior. You are dishonoring yourself by ignoring your dreams, plans and desires. In the week ahead, let’s focus on honoring ourselves on every level– mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, in our relationships, in our jobs, etc.

THIS WEEK I WILL….

Move my body even if it’s just taking a few minutes to stretch daily.

Realize I am deserving of first class treatment especially from myself.

Buy myself a bouquet of my favorite flowers.

Vocalize that my needs are important.

Release any dishonoring beliefs I have about myself.

Feed my body with plenty of fresh organic fruits + veggies.

Take a good look at myself in the mirror and say, I adore you!

Meditate on those dreams + personal plans I’ve been ignoring.

Set a hard boundary with that person who’s been manipulating + draining me.

Get “gussied up” and take myself on a playdate.

Write a personal mission statement for my life.

Many of us have written mission statements for our businesses, but how about one for you life? This week, grab your journal and write a short + sweet mission statement for YOU. It could go something like this:

I am a wonderful, talented and beautiful person. I have many gifts to share with the world. The world needs my light and I will awaken daily with the intention of shining it. I will make honoring myself a priority so that I have the time, energy and emotional capacity to share my gifts and light. I have healthy boundaries and surround myself with healthy people. I will live with an open heart which gives and receives love freely. I deserve a happy, healthy and successful life. I rock!

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A big congrats to our sista Shanel Wilson for winning the first stocking stuffer giveaway last week. We have another fabulous stocking packed with goodies so make sure to check in on theFACEBOOK PAGEduring the week! Winner will be announced on Friday.

Hey Soul Sister!

“Motivation” sets the tone for this week’s affirmations because I’m not feeling super motivated today. Just keepin’ it real. We all have those days when we want to curl up on the couch, turn the phone off and neglect our obligations. That’s when my fave terms come to mind and I turn to my tool box for help….”Buck up Tiff” + “Mind over matter, girl”! It’s just one of those days and maybe it’s that adjustment period to the time change and wanting to go to bed at 6pm this past week. Who feels me?

Join me in getting more motivated this week! We have the power!

This week I will….

Be integrity driven, not emotionally driven.

Believe in myself more than ever.

Choose the side salad instead of the fries.

Put a muzzle on the Negative Nellie in my head. She sucks and has nothing good to say anyway!

Rock some sparkle + bling because I’m worth it!

Listen to my gut + stop ignoring it.

Start each day with a prayer of gratitude.

Have more fun + wear a flirty dress.

Walk in L-O-V-E not fear.

Surrender, take a deep breath and then exhale.

NEVER GIVE UP!

God bless all of our service men and women who have sacrificed so much to keep us safe!