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in which there is anxiety (and release)

I really should be working on some eco-prints right now, but it’s raining out today, and I need leaves and flowers to do that work. The idea of going harvesting this afternoon just doesn’t appeal, so here we are. I’ve been working on building the curriculum and materials for a new gig: I’ll be teaching art to a Montessori homeschool collective when the school year starts, and obviously, dyeing is a part of our first semester. Kiddo attended a Waldorf school- similar, but different- and I’m really looking forward to this work.

Teaching adults is great, but children tend to come without a lot of the artistic inhibitions we pick up as we grow up. If you ask a kid to draw a tree, a person, or a bowl of fruit, they don’t tell you that they don’t know how to draw, or that they aren’t any good at it; they just do the damn thing- especially kids in alternative education, where “No, draw the fruit bowl this way” art education is discouraged. And being around large groups of kids who haven’t been taught submission- who are polite and forthright, look adults in the eye, use their manners but aren’t afraid to challenge opinions- I’ve missed that, too. It was very striking and sealed the deal for us about Waldorf education, and it’s something we’ve noted in Montessori and Friends kids, too.

So there’s that going on, which is fun, and a little stressful, and also funny (I’m going to be an art teacher: my work will fit my uniform, this amuses me). Today, though, I’m doing computer work, running out to the pharmacy, and stressing out just the tiniest amount about my upcoming Craftsy class release. Which- I know! It’s going to be fine. It’s going to be better than fine: it’s going to be GREAT. I learned a lot this time around, which was so much different than the last time- a lot less hand-holding, which was sort of nice, as it left me more time to just make things. And I worked with a really great team, too. I’ve just got pre-release jitters: people are going to see my face (that happens literally every day), what if I said something goofy (of course I said something goofy, that’s what I do), what if someone doesn’t like it (not everybody is going to like everything, obvs, get over it), etc, etc.

Look, it’s my face. AND I SURVIVED. (On set at Craftsy.)

Another thing I’ve learned from this entire experience: none of this anxiety really matters, and it’s pretty useless to give it my attention, beyond some basic acknowledgment. I mean feelings are real and deserve space and respect, but these particular feelings are also pretty useless; they aren’t telling me anything important or taking me anywhere I need to go, just cycling around feelings of self-doubt that we all experience, and focusing on them and giving them energy & supply isn’t going to do anything but help them grow. It’s been an interesting exercise as release day approaches. I’m using a technique similar to one used in meditation: my anxiety will pop up, and I’ll acknowledge it: Hey there, I see you. And then I move on to other things, letting it be. It’s still there, tapping away at the back of my head with annoying questions to try to make me doubt myself, but if I just let it know that I see it and I have other things to do, it tends to fade.

I’ll still be hiding from the internet on the actual day of release (it won’t look that way because glob bless Hootsuite) and that day is sooner than I expected because Craftsy is just blasting through edits. Aaaaaah! That is really exciting. I wish I could show you anything from or about the class until then but for now, my lips are sealed. I’ll let you know what I can let you know as soon as I know that I can let you know it. (I’ve read that three times now and it does, in fact, appear to be a structurally sound sentence. Hot damn.)

There are two silk scarves that have spent 24 hours in an alum pre-mordant, and it sounds like the rain has just stopped, so I’m about to head out to the pharmacy, secure myself some Gilenya, and see if there are any wildflowers out there to be had. What are your thrilling Friday plans?

PPS: Tour de Fleece continues and goes well, btw, although I’m going to need to mix some art yarn spinning into this in order to keep my hands supple. My secret motivation for doing all of this spinning is to get deeply warmed up in order to take on the Hog Island top bumps I picked up from Ross Farms. I want my spin on that to be 100% perfect.

*Coupon Details: Get 50% off the full retail price of select Craftsy classes taught by Sarah Eyre. Cannot be combined with any other coupons. Expires September 7, 2017.

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