Friday, September 26, 2008

One year ago today...

I started to write this paragraph about 100 different ways, and about 100 different times, but the way that feels the best is by just saying that I deeply miss Megan. Words really can’t describe the feeling. I miss her smile, her smell, her soft youthful skin, her freckles, her stunning eyes, her beautiful hair. I miss her kind heart, her spirit, her spunk, her laugh. I miss the relationship that we had shared. I miss my daughter and my friend.

I have learned over the past year that there is absolutely nothing that will fill the hole in my heart, because she is not here to see, touch, smell or hear. I can still talk to her, and laugh with her, and tell her about what is going on here with Matt and Madison, but it is not the same. I feel close to her when I feel the breeze, or see God’s beauty here on Earth, because I know that she is a part of it.

We have met some wonderful people over the past year that has helped give us tools to cope with such a loss. We have such incredible support from friends and family, new and old. Megan touched so many lives and our community has come together to mourn for her and support each other.

Megan died one year ago today, at the age of 14, from a condition known as Myocarditis, which weakens the heart resulting in a Sudden Cardiac Arrest. The most common cause of Myocarditis is viral. She did not have any symptoms. She just died during a cross country race for Dana Hills High. Luckily, I was there with her, she passed away in a beautiful place, doing what she loved; just being part of a team. Megan played AYSO soccer since she was 5, became part of an incredible soccer team named Pride, then branched out and started cross country in her freshman year.

When I look at Megan’s life, I can seriously say that I have no regrets and I know that she wouldn’t either. I picture myself holding a gold box in my hands, which holds her time here on earth, and it is a beautiful box, it is just too small. Unfortunately, I don’t have more memories with her to fill it. But I am so grateful for the time we had with her, and given a choice would have taken the 14 years we had, over not having her at all.

If you are reading this, then I would imagine that you have been touched in some way by Megan’s life and Megan’s death. I hope that you have looked at your own life and determined what is important to you for your own happiness and fulfillment. Our time here is so short and unpredictable. I have become so much more appreciative of the good things in life, not material things by any means, but the beauty of the Earth, my beautiful family, the friendships that we have, our good health, and just the day to day experiences that we call “life”.

19 comments:

Gail--We are with you today. We are thankful for the gift of Megan and your family in our lives. Today" cross country workout for Capo is "on your own." Jeanette is doing her run at the Park. I know she'll say "HI!" to Megan there.Lov, Kathy

The past year has felt like a lifetime, and at the same time it feels like just yesterday that your/our sorrow began. Your courage to face each day with hope and brightness is an example we can all learn from. I am so proud of you and all that you give to everyone and especially what you gave and continue to give to Megan. She had a wonderful life, and you were the architect of it, you gave her the tools, the opportunity and the structure to flourish, and did she ever. You see how much she flourished by not only the time she had with us, but by how many people she touches and how many love her.

Your beautiful gold box is too small, but how fortunate you are to be the one who holds the beautiful box and how lucky we are that you have shared her and the beautiful box with all of us!

Thank you so much for all the memories you share with us about our beautiful MEGAN! I am very thankfull that she was able to share some of her valuable time with my daughter Jacqueline. Jacqueline did not have the opportunity to have had spend more time with her, but the time they did, Jacqueline truly appreciates it. There is not a day that my daughter Jacqueline has not stopped thinking about her. She always tells me how she remembers her smile and MEGANS good kind heart! I want to let you know that if you ever need someone to talk to or share all those beautiful memories with, please call us, especially Jacqueline. She would love to hear more about that kind, loveable, friendly and smily friend MEGAN! Our hearts are with you now and always. May God bless all of you and especially MEGAN!

From Ana OtoupalikThe Otoupalik FamilyP.S. We love going to the park and hang out with MEGAN at her GROVE!

This past year has been an eternity, yet it feels like just yesterday that your/our sorrow began. I am so proud of you and in aw of how much courage and strength you have shown and given over the past year. You seek the good and brightness in each day, which is, at times, unbearable, but somehow you find your strength to push through. Your dedication to your kids shines through them. Megan is a beautiful bright light that will never dim, she is with you in so many ways. You are her architect, you gave her the tools, the oportunity and the structure to flourish, and did she ever, she flourishes to this day through the lives she has touched.

You are right, the beautiful gold box is too small, but what a beautiful box it is and how fortunate we are that you & Jeff brought us beautiful Megan and have shared so much of her with us. I feel honored to have known and loved her.

Gail, I wish to comfort you on this day, and yet I find myself reading your words and feeling comforted by you. I feel honored to know your family, and blessed to gain a better perspective on life because of Megan. You are in my thoughts and prayers today and everyday. Love, Tami

Gail,You and your family are in our hearts and prayers today. I think of you often and can't begin to comprehend what this year has been like for you. Your beautiful website is such a tribute to Megan-it is also a comfort to those who miss her and cherish you, Jeff, Matt and Madison. Megan would be so proud of all of you. I hope and pray that God continues to give you peace and that Megan's spirit of love will continue to comfort you too. She touched so many lives...and continues to do so each day with her memories.Love, The Murray family

Our hearts were with you the day we lost Megan and everyday we have been reminded of how precious life truly is. This blog has been a wonderful place to remind all of us about how special Megan is and will always be. Thank you for the time you have taken to give us a little part of your daughter to hold and share.

Our hearts were with you the day we lost Megan and everyday we have been reminded of how precious life truly is. This blog has been a wonderful place to remind all of us about how special Megan is and will always be. Thank you for the time you have taken to give us a little part of your daughter to hold and share.

Thank you so much for sharing such wonderful memories of Megan with us on this site. This day is one in which we can be reminded of how beautiful Megan was inside and out. This day helps to also remind us once again to hold close what you love and never miss an opportunity to tell the people around you how much you appreciate and love them. Megan knew how much she was loved and how special she was. You could see it in her smile and her playful spirit.

Gail,My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family on this very sad anniversary. Not many people can feel that kind of hole in your heart - but it sounds like you have a great support of friends and family down there to help ease the sting, no matter how slight. I enjoy seeing your photos, and you have a great looking family! And despite your pain, YOU LOOK GREAT!Blessings to you...Debbie Hood(Rosenthal/Thorn)

I was never blessed to meet Megan but yesterday my daughter who is a freshman at capo ran for her. She was incredibly touched and proud to run for her --I am sure that Megan was there running with them all. Your courage and strenth is amazing, I salute you. Megan continues to touch many and she will for a long time to come.My cousin died after completing the Chicago Marathon http://www.boston.com/sports/specials/marathon/articles/2004/04/16/completing_her_mission/ I know they are in heaven doing what they love, looking out at the ones they love. Our prayers are with you all, thanks for sharing so much of your beautiful daugher with us.The Gordon family.

I have been wanting to contact you for the past year to tell you that I think of your family often although we don't know each other. I was there at the park the day that Megan passed away because my daughter was on the Capo Cross Country Team. It affected her deeply and she to this day has a picture of Megan in her room. That day was also my daughters birthday and I know that every year for the rest of my life on her birthday, I will also think of Megan. I went to her memorial service and it was incredibly beautiful. I hope that you and your family are doing o.k. on this day.Cindy

Gail-What courage you have shown through this trial. When our son Jake put on his blue shirt today for Megan, it just struck me. One whole year. Every yearly milestone has passed one time, that is really strange to imagine. As I read your post, my heart squeezed so tightly it made the tears came easily.Because I know Megan is so safe and so happy, the tears fall for you, for your loss, your sadness. Your advice has reminded me of how to love life and my family, however imperfect.I hope that God has granted you a degree of peace although it may always be tinged with the longing that will be filled when you are reunited with Megan in heaven. Until then, be reminded that our God holds you closely to him, as closely as he holds your precious Megan. There is comfort waiting there for you.Hugs from your sister-in-Him-Anne Berryhill

Megan's passing deeply affected Pablo and me, and in the last year all of you have offered an inspiring example of strength and grace. In this manner, you have honored Megan's life and memory. In the last year, I have often thought that if my child grows up to have even a little bit of Megan's inner beauty and giving spirit, I will be so grateful. I aspire to be the kind of parent who raises wonderful young people like Megan, Matt and Madison. You have done a beautiful job.

You also have reinforced the lesson of breathing each beautiful moment to the fullest, to love freely and deeply, and to be grateful for every blessing, no matter how small or fleeting.

I am so sad - I cannot ever imagine how you must feel. I would just like to tell you how very sorry I am for the loss of Megan and how unfair it is. This has affected me very, very much and I wish you the best. xoxo

Thank your for sharing these memories with everyone. I have two nieces in high school and I can't imagine what it would be like with them not around. Although she is no longer among the living her spirit is still around, I believe. She continues to touch many lives through her family and friends, even those who have never met her.

About Megan

Megan was a beautiful, vibrant, healthy, 14 year old girl who passed away unexpectedly from Sudden Cardiac Arrest, caused my Myocarditis on 9/26/2007. Megan was a lifelong soccer player and began running Cross Country during her Freshman year at Dana Hills. She was a wonderful daughter, sister, and friend, whose sweet personality and sunny disposition is missed by all.

The Megster, Meggie, Megs, Meggers, Megan, Meggie Mae

" I noticed how beautiful the sky was the other day, and realized it's because you're up there."

Sisters

A poem from Meg's Memorial Service

Understanding

“I’ll lend you for a little timea child of mine,” He said.“For you to love the while she livesand mourn for when she’s dead.It may be six or seven years,or even twenty-two or three,But will you, till I call her back,take care of her for me?She’ll bring her charms to gladden you,and shall her stay be brief,you’ll have her lovely memoriesas solace for your grief.”“I cannot promise she will stay,since all from earth return,but there are lessons taught down thereI want this child to learn.I’ve looked the wide world overin my search for teachers true,And from the throngs that crowd life’s lovesI have selected you.Now will you give her all your love,not think the labor vain;Not hate me when I come to callto take her back again?”I fancied that I heard them say,“Dear Lord, Thy will be done,”For all the joy Thy child shall bring,the risk of grief we’ll run.We’ll shelter her with tenderness,we’ll love her while we may,and for the happiness we’ve knownforever grateful stay.But shall the angels call hermuch sooner than we’ve planned,we’ll brave the bitter grief that comesand try to understand

Remember Megan

Always smiling!!

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take your breath away

Memorial Poem

Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there, I do not sleepI am a thousand winds that blowI am a diamond's gilt on snowI am the sunlight on ripened grainI am the gentle autumn's rainWhen you awaken in the morning's hushI am the swift uplifting rushOf quiet birds in circled flightI am the soft stars that shine at nightDo not stand at my grave and cryI am not there, I did not die.(Thank you Jenny for sending this to me)

A Thought for the Day

"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand" Randy Pausch from The Last Lecture