If I don’t come out of the bathroom tomorrow, at least you’ll know why.

So tonight we had Kid4’s annual softball banquet. At the $9 buffet.

Um, Softball Peeps… The $9 buffet? REALLY?? I thought you liked us!

Buffets are like community feeding troughs, incubators for all things salmonella & e coli tainted. Do I need to describe to you the petri dish creepy crawlies found in buffet food? It’s displayed at optimum temperature for bacterial growth! Now I’m no scientist, but even I can tell you that creamy salad dressing needs a little refrigeration. The chicken my husband ate? Yeah, it needed a little can of Sterno underneath it. (I’ll let him deal with this particular gastrointestinal nightmare. I won’t touch that stuff. There’s skin & bones on it! What do I look like, a SAVAGE?!)

Also, the thought of some fat bastard breathing on the food I’m about to eat? Disturbing! The idea that some snot-nosed, self-touching little fucker fingered up the biscuits before putting them back?

(Go ahead & re-read that last sentence. I’m thinking you might have mixed up the fucker & the fingered. I’ll wait…)

Anyway… HORRIFYING!

Also, they don’t serve alcohol. WHAT THE HELL, BUFFET PEOPLE??

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LOL! Yuck! Well, I am a microbiologist and I identify pathogens in stool cultures eg. salmonella…and I hate buffets for the very reasons you just mentioned. You may not be a scientist but you hit the nail on the head in your usually hilarious fashion 🙂

Well, I thought about consulting you before posting this… Seeing as how you’re the only expert I know. Then my thought process went somewhere like “ooh, shiny!” and I moved on to something else. Glad I got it right, though. Otherwise, the hordes of people that read this blog (ha! Yeah, I crack me up.) would be taking bad scientific knowledge out into the world & spreading it. That never ends well.

About

Also known as The Suminski Mom, Bonesy is an emotionally unstable, politically incorrect, semi-sane, married mother of four. She resides somewhere in the midwest, but it doesn’t matter where, since she spends most of her time lost anyway.