Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern was allowed
to enter the White House today after finally bringing President Bush what
was deemed an
acceptable shrubbery. Bush said that he was quite delighted with the bush,
declaring it a "good and noble shrubbery, one worthy of the rose garden
itself".

Ahem had been trying to get into the White
House for a number of weeks, and was pleased to gain entry on Saint
Patrick's day, which is a high holy day for the Irish, commemorating the
deeds of Patrick McGeehin, who is said to have driven all bagpipes out of
the land, and back to Scotland where they rightly belonged.

On his first attempt, the prime minister had
brought a large Azalea, which the presidential doorkeeper had sneered at,
refusing to even call Bush down 'to take a look'. Afterwards, Ahem drove to
Home Depot where he found a lovely Royal Purple Hydrangea in full bloom.
Bush did come downstairs to greet him, but declared the plant 'too flowery',
and expressed his doubts that the hydrangea even qualified as a shrubbery.

The third time proved a
charm, with Ahem finding just the thing at 'Roger the Shrubber's' - a plain
green bush that looked nice, but was not too expensive. Ahem was greeted
warmly, and invited into the presidential quarters, where he was given a
traditional glass of rich, chocolaty Ovaltine. Ahem expressed a desire to
discuss the plight of Sinn Fein, but President Bush told him that this would be impossible
unless he obtained another shrubbery and cut down the mightiest tree in the
forest with a herring.