Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Was your Monday night as empty and lonely as mine was, without the likes of Womack and his gaggle of young girls to fill your heart with love and desire??!?!?!

Well, I have another topic I have been meaning to get off my chest: Prince William and Kate Middleton.

So when I first heard about the Royal engagement, I was back home in Charlotte, NC with my parents as my Dad was having knee surgery. My Mom AND I were sitting in the hospital waiting room and it was ALL OVER the news. My first reaction was: "OMG, who CARES!!!?!?!?!!" I was just kind of over the Royals in general. I mean, it IS 2011.

Anyway, when I got back to work, I was of course forced to see and hear more about those two crazy kids in deeper detail.After learning more about them --- and I know this will really mean A LOT to the royal couple --- I give Prince William and Kate Middleton my blessings for their marriage.

I just think that they both seem like nice young people. They have been together for like nine years or something?? So I really support that, because I think it's important to know each other well before you get married... as opposed to, oh I don't know.... meeting someone for a few weeks on reality TV. Especially in the case of marrying a Prince where you will basically have to sign over your life to the public, I think it is EXTRA important to know what you are getting into. I guess he is considered a "catch" or whatever, but I seriously would NOT want to hand over my life and freedom like that, so I think she is nice to marry him.Apparently, Diana was only 19 when she married Charles, who was 32 (approximately? if my math is right). So THAT was doomed from the start if you want my opinion. It is my belief that getting married so young is NOT a good plan. And getting sucked into the royal family like that would be difficult at any age.

Kate is a much more respectable age of 29. I think that is a much more appropriate time to get married. In fact, she is even somewhat of a cougar, being about six months older than William.

So, I saw the two of them giving some interview or something, and they both just seemed very nice and poised and polite. When Kate was asked how she felt about being compared to Diana, etc, William said that there was no pressure for her to be like anyone else, she would be her own princess. And also Kate seemed very nice and composed when talking about their relationship, and the time when they broke up.

So I really support them and wish them the best. They seem like two nice people and I wish them a lifetime of Royal Happiness!!Their wedding will be on April 29 if anyone wants to start a countdown.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Ok, so another day has dawned and I have had a chance to sober up calm down after watching "The Bachelor" finale. Yes, I will be quite honest, it took me a LOT of Bailey's to get through that pointless episode. After Womack proposed, I was just so drunk OVER it, that I went to bed.

The Take Home Message from last night: Don't Drink and Blog!

Anyway, now that it's the next day, I'm seeing some clips, etc, on TV of the After The Final Rose. So I am now watching that little "special," which seems like it actually IS interesting.

So obviously first out comes Chantal, to meet up with Brad. Womack walks out and is like "OHhhhhhhh it's awkward!!! It's SO AWKWARD!!" Uhmm, yeah NOW it is. So arrogant! And he's all "Oh, are you all right??!!" Please!! Yes, she is fine, she dodged a bullet by getting dumped by you. I don't know.... I found their conversation to be OK.When I was thinking all along that Brad was going to choose Chantal, I was thinking that I could really see them together, and that she really felt something special for him. But now that he did NOT choose her, I feel more like she is just that kind of annoying-ish, very pushy girl who kind of just gets whatever she wants. Which is good for her... but not so much my style. Another thing that really struck me about Chantal is that I really feel like she is just VERY open and has a VERY open heart. Like I just find it interesting that she can sit up there and fully cry and be emotional and sad over what happened with Brad, while at the same time having moved on and found another guy. Pretty interesting and I guess something to be admired... like it's the opposite of what Emily keeps saying about "not wanting to be hurt again."

So now to the main course --- Brad and Emily reunited on the stage together for the first time as a couple for the world to see. Wow. I don't really know what to make of all this. So BRAD says that he loves Emily so much, that he would marry her right now. He has been looking for her all his life and he is NOT going to let her go. He is even so paranoid about losing her, that he asks Chris is she is going to come out and break up with him.... definitely a valid concern and something that this show is NOT above!Emily comes out and we find out that she's really not so much into it. She claims they are "together" or whatever, and even "engaged," but that she is NOT going to marry him now, NOR is she even going to move to Austin right now.

So, wow, I don't know. What is everyone else's opinion?!?!?!?!!! I mean, I think she is obviously very SMART not to just jump into this ridiculously and pretend like it's all easy, breezy and beautiful. But also.... I really don't know if she really is even all that into him?? I mean, she could LITERALLY marry probably just about ANYONE she wanted to. So, I REALLY do not know if I see this working out. I mean, they ARE being honest, but uh.... I guess sometimes the truth hurts!

I was also kind of surprised to hear Emily talk about how jealous she was of watching Brad with all the other women. I don't think anyone has really admitted that before. Or if they did, they were like "Oh it sux, but I totally understand!!!" Like they have been so beaten down and just are so glad to be picked, that they will accept any treatment. But Emily is NOT like that. I think she KNOWS that she does not need to put up with that kind of shiz. I was also glad to hear her admit how boring she came off on the show.

When she was like "Well one of the issues we need to work out is his temper," I was like DAMN!!! That is pretty bad, in my opinion!!! If one of your flaws is having a bad temper, then uhmm... yikes!! I just don't know. I guess for me personally, that would be a deal-breaker!! But I guess there are some people out there who enjoy a bit of drama and spice in their relationships. ALSO, I did NOT really guess that about Brad actually!! I sensed that he had a darker, like drunker side, which his whole Texas Gentleman act is meant to cover, but I actually did NOT guess that he had anger management issues. Someone who I DID peg as an Angry Man was Mr. Jake Pavelka... but yeah, Brad hid it well from me!

Next up, they trot out the ONLY three successful couples in the history of the show. Right?? No one else made it, did they? Yet Harrison was like "Some of the favorite couples!" Hahahaha!! No, more like the ONLY couples that are still together.

I felt like this part was pretty funny, as they all tried to "relate" to Emily and give the "happy" couple advice. Not to be rude, but NONE of those girls comes close to being as beautiful as Emily, who I thought looked extra pretty last night. Her hair was SLIGHTLY darker blonde, and straighter... so she looked REALLY pretty... like the fake blonde Dolly Parton (who I love) look was toned down a little. Am I the only person who thinks Emily is like SOOOOOOO pretty, or does everyone feel that way? I mean, I know I'm in good company with Brad, but does everyone else think she is the prettiest girl ever made?

When Fedotowsky started giving Emily advice, I seriously was like laughing. Ali is ok, she is cute enough, I guess.... but comparing her to Emily is just funny. I mean, I know the point of all this wasn't to compare looks and all that, but I kind of felt like none of the girls could REALLY relate to Emily, because she is just SO pretty and sweet, that I think what she's really thinking is -- Uhmm... yeah is this REALLY worth it, when she could go have her pick from ANY man she wanted and not have to deal with all this. I just don't think people who aren't that beautiful can really understand what that is like.So good old Molly of Molly and Jason fame got a nice slam in to all the bloggers out there!! She made fun of us for sitting behind a computer and just writing stuff!!!

Anyway, then they replayed the engagement that we had seen a mere hour earlier for Brad and Emily to watch and behold. So obviously I had been watching the whole episode, thinking I was so clever for noticing that Emily didn't have her ring on... but then they just HAD to pull one final trick out of the bag... it was being RE-SIZED!! Awwww... how sweet! I needn't have worried.

That's all she wrote. Brad and Emily are not doing press today, and issued this statement:

"At long last, Emily and I can be open to the world and each other about our relationship. Though we are madly in love, it has been a bumpy couple of months for us and our priority right now is to focus on our relationship. We hope that you can respect our privacy as we return to normalcy and begin our off-screen lives together."

Monday, March 14, 2011

Ok, I will be honest and admit that I came up with that headline two weeks ago. I really tried to avoid the spoilers, so that I could watch the season "fresh," but unfortunately I was eye-raped as I trolled around other sites trying to promote my blog and saw that Chantal was the winner. That is what Reality Steve promoted from the beginning... Chantal wins!! Then recently, like a week or so ago, he changed his tune and said that no, EMILY is the winner.

So anyway, that's when I came up with the headline... because seriously... I can't relate to EITHER of them. When the "winner" was Chantal, I could kind of see it and get behind it, but with Emily "winning" I am so lost, I have no words.

So anyway, that's when I came up with that profound headline -- sometimes there IS no take home message!!! Because it also correlated with things in my own life. You guys, sometimes things really just are NOT fair!!! There is no lesson to be learned, no good comes from certain things. There's nothing you can do but just live through it!!

Well then unfortunately the EQ hit Japan on Friday, and it actually fits my title even more. Like so much to the point that it's really not even funny. It's just plain TRUE. Living in Southern California, I too live with the constant knowledge that "The Big One" could hit us anytime. And it's so scary to think what that would even look like. And honestly, as much as it sucked when the EQ hit Haiti, I can personally relate/emphasize with the one that hit Japan even more, because that is an industrialized country with stricter building codes. So if some EQ came and rocked LA, it would be somewhat similar to what happened in Japan. And it's really unimaginable. Just soooooo much destruction!!!!!! It's so sad and crazy. I mean, I guess I would just try to hop on the first plane I could catch back to the East coast, where I am really from. And pray to GOD that my two cats (MK and Ash) were safe and could fly back with me. I don't know. It's just really sad. Sooooooooooooooooooooo sad what happened over there, and I mean this NOT in a funny way--- what IS the THM???? If there is one, I personally don't see it yet.

Ok, then also..... I am NOT trying to be like crazy and doomsday saying... BUT... you know how the world is supposed to end in 2012??? Well, all I am saying is that A LOT of bad and/or crazy things sure DO seem to be happening lately. We have all the people uprising in the Middle East trying to take back the night from their insane, oppressive dictators. Then we have flocks of birds and fish washing up DEAD on the land.... Hmm..... I don't know. I'm really not trying to minimize any of these events... but seriously a LOT of crazy things ARE happening lately!

So sometimes, I reflect and think what my Grandparents must have thought back in their day. It was World War 2 or something, and the threat of what---- nuclear attacks??? I really don't know my history.... but there were these World Wars breaking out... THAT must have been VERY hard to live with. And here I am living in a time with no wars... yet I feel this fear that the economy is going to full-on collapse, and with all these bizarre things happening, I feel like we could be on the brink of World War 3.

ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the INTENSE divergence from Bachelor-related material. But honestly, I found this finale to be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO depressing that it offered me absolutely NO relief from all the bad things that are happening in the world.

So... you know, in college I studied popular culture, and media (and Economics, whooo!!!). And there was this insight that showed that the worse things are in the world, the more fluffy and corny/ridiculous the popular entertainment of the day. I forget the exact examples, but I guess they were pointing out the extremely corny, ridiculous entertainment of like what --- the 50s or something?? This ridiculous and cheesy entertainment prevails while there are all these heavy and serious things going on in the world.

And I have to tell you that I kind of feel like that's what's happening now. I mean -- Dancing With the Stars?????????? THAT is some cheezy SHIZ right there!!! The Bachelor --- CHEESE!!! There is a LOT of cheesy and hokey entertainment that is en vogue right now.... Glee!! When I think back to the 90s... grunge rock was cool -- like Kurt Cobain and flannel and ANGST! Angst was IN! Now, I feel like these TOTALLY cheese-tastic shows are in... or Jersey Shore... SOOOOO ridiculous! And I feel like it corresponds with how BAD things are in the world.

So anyways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the philosophical divergence. And that's right --- I don't have any funny captions this week either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But seriously --- I just have NO interest in Brad Womack picking Emily Maynard. I am sorry, but I just can't relate to that on ANY level... not even on a level that I could make fun of them!

I'm sorry, but I really don't find it funny or interesting or entertaining. I find it nothing but DEPRESSING at this point. Brad is THIRTY EIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Emily is what -- I can't remember even from my own chart, 24, or 25 or something??? I dunno.

Obviously I have nothing particularly bad to say about Emily. Who would??? What's bad to say? She is beautiful and sweet. And if anyone of my naysayers want to say "Oh Julie, you are just jealous." Well YEAH!!!!!!!!! Of COURSE I am jealous!!!!!!!! What's not to be jealous of!!?!?!? She is this beautiful, sweet, "poised" little, BLONDE Southern Belle with a cute(-ish) daughter and she basically just has everyone give her stuff.

So, I think that Lisa called it!! She said -- Emily is just used to having everyone do stuff for her, because she is beautiful and sweet. Well, I totally agree and think she hit the nail on the head. That IS is. I think Emily IS a very nice, sweet girl, but I really DO get the vibe that she is used to having people do things for her, because she is so sweet and beautiful... like for example, I don't know... buy her a HOUSE.

Well, I am sorry, but I can NOT relate to that on ANY level whatsoever!!!!!!!!!!! For better or worse (mostly worse, maybe??!??!?!!) I am an independent woman!!!!!!!!!!! I have NEVER had a man in my life just so that he can provide things for me, such as food and shelter. I am really, seriously sorry, but there is just no part of me whatsoever that can relate to Emily, other than to be jealous of her!!!!!!

Chantal I could relate to a little bit more, because at least she had some spunk in her. I really can't relate to growing up in that kind of ridiculous mansion, but at least she seemed more like she had her OWN free spirit.

And Mr. Bradly Womack.... I mean, I just don't even know what to say. Good for him???? I guess???? I mean, if you want to own a bar for 39 years, and then one day go marry a hot 24 year old with a cute, blonde daughter.... then good for you?????????? I mean, do whatever in the hell works for you, but I sure as sh!z can't relate to that.

SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just really don't see anything romantic, cute or relatable in ANY of this disaster.

What in the HELLLLLLLLL am I supposed to find cute or sweet about some old man bar owner marrying some cute, hot little 24 year old blonde girl?!?!??!

Whatever. I just don't even know what to say. So, sorry to be a big old DOWNER this week, but yeah, that's about all I have.

So, it is official, 100% of the votes came back for me to dye my hair back to brown, and by 100%, I mean, all TWO of them!! Lisa and Grace! I am very excited to go back to my natural roots, which is why it's even more depressing to watch Emily "win" the final rose. Chantal is very pretty, you guys!

I am going back to brown hair. And I am 32 and single and do NOT have a kid or a house that someone bought me. That is all I have.

So, if anyone else has any comments, thoughts or feelings that you need to get off your chest, feel free to do it here!!!!

Also, I would really like to thank everyone who left me positive and encouraging comments all season!!!!!!!!! I kind of feel like Clay Aiken, when he came out of the closet! He was worried that people might not accept him, but instead, everyone was like "You go, girl!!" I feel the same way!! So thanks everyone!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Well we have been waiting for this all season!! One of the best episodes can be when the (Wo)men Tell All. Luckily this was a pretty good one. Sometimes the Tell Alls are super boring. Now the challenge for me is -- what am I possibly going to put in the thought bubbles this week?!?!?!!?!!! Hmm.... well I'll see if I can come up with anything!So first up, we are treated to Womack's version of the season. He made several erroneous and/or offensive claims. First off, I was deeply when offended when he "admitted" that Shawntel's funeral home date was "awkward.... yeah, it was a little awkward... I'm not ready to think about death, YET." RUDE!!!!!!!!!! Listen Brad, it's not ABOUT death, it's how she makes her LIVING. I don't know... I just think it's really immature not to be able to take an innocent tour of a funeral home. As I have mentioned numerous times, my family on my Mom's side were funeral directors and I just think it's time that we all get over it and deal with it. There are worse ways to make a living.Moving along, Brad then said that he is happier to be at this Tell All than he was to be at the other one, because "even the goodbyes were gracious." HA!!! Were they??? Because I thought they were all pretty harsh.

OK - now we got to go to the casting couch call for "Bachelor Pad." Let's see... what of note happened here? Well, Vienna debuted her shorter hair. That DEFINITELY looks better on her, she should keep it... like when Grace made me cut my hair: good move! Grace's favorite, most beautiful woman of all time, Rozlyn was there... but she didn't look QUITE as pretty, if you want my opinion.So remember how everyone hated Vienna, but Gia defended her? Well, Gia went on to date Wes, who then went on to sleep with Vienna. Gia and Vienna had a Twitter war over it! So Gia told us that the rule of Women is to not sleep with or talk to your friend's exes. But the rule of Skank is to go for it. She is right. But this just goes to prove that women are shady. I used to be a card-carrying member of The Sisterhood, but then enough times girls who are friends of friends, etc, acted shady that I had to turn in my membership and now I am no longer a member. So I have to be friends with a girl for a long time or be her sister to believe she is a member of the sisterhood. Gia is so innocent!!!So we'll see who gets to be on "Pad" I guess. The whole affair made me want to get into a Time Machine, travel back to when I was eighteen, then instead of going to college, just move to Los Angeles, lose 50 pounds, get super drunk and be part of the "Bachelor" family where I would do nothing but drink and hang out in mansions sunning by the pool all day (because also in my fantasy I would have lovely olive skin instead of being basically allergic to the sun). I would hang out with all the hot men and all the hot ladies and life would be perfect. Then I would marry one of the Bachelors and we would move into our own mansion and have little Bachelor babies, and the whole thing would be funded by ABC. Yikes.So anyway, we cut back to Chris Hare, who goes "Yes, it's one big, bizarre, dysfunctional family." Did you notice how the word "happy" was notably lacking from his description??? He didn't say they were a HAPPY dysfunctional family, just that they were bizarre. Which he is right. So, I also think that Harrison is kind of over this gig.

This is the vibe I get from him: when he started out, he had big dreams of being a serious journalist, much like Anderson Cooper. He took a couple hosting gigs along the way, to help pay the bills. When a little show came along called "The Bachelor," he had a little credit card debt he figured he could pay off with the money. He never expected it to last 20 thousand seasons and be such a big hit. Now, he is Chris Harrison, host of The Bachelor, and that IS how he will be earning his living. It's a good living, so he can't really complain... but his soul hurts a little bit on the inside.

Anyway, back in the studio, it's time for the Women to Tell All and get catty with it. They all kind of go at it at first, then we get into specific victims. First to go sit in the hot seat is Melissa, of Raichel vs. Melissa fame. I don't exactly remember what I thought of this drama at the time that it played out, but last night, Raichel DEFINITELY came off looking like the insane one. Melissa seems like she is not very bright and has several screws loose upstairs. But Raichel seems like she is just MEAN and vicious.My feelings about Jackie got a little mixed up last night. It really bummed me out to see her, because she is such a dork and I am NOT a fan of her or her prissiness. However, she did start calling out some truths that I kind of did have to agree with... so it was a very emotionally confusing time for me. For example, she said that Melissa didn't ruin Raichel's chances with"The Bachelor" (as Rach claimed) but that Rach ruined her own chances by acting like a fool. Truth!!!

Next up to the hot seat is Michelle, of "Psycho-Michelle" drama and fame. Her main antagonizer was Stacey, though many of the other girls also were not into her. So, I don't know. I kind of just didn't find the Michelle drama that interesting anymore. Michelle's defense is that she has an extremely dry sense of humor. I get that.... I mean, I do have friends with very dry humor that is sometimes lost even on me. But at the same time, Michelle really doesn't strike me as especially funny or witty. Sooo.... eh, I don't know. I guess I just don't really have much of an opinion on her. It was at this point that I lost so much interest in the show that I got up and started doing dishes and generally straightening up around my house. That is pretty bad, as I basically never do dishes or straighten up. The Michelle crap dragged on through two commercial segments and was so boring that I managed to wash all my dishes, put away all my clean clothes, pick up everything off my floor and pack a gym bag for the next morning.

FINALLY when that was over and I came back to my senses, it was Ashley S's turn in the hot seat. I always liked Ashley S. and was sympathetic to her cause. I felt really bad for her when she got dumped by Brad with a punny little saying. It devastated her and she couldn't stop crying. She didn't especially seem like she was really over it last night either, but I guess she seemed ok. I know exactly how she feels though... when she was saying "I feel like I am finally doing everything right and learning from all my past mistakes and I really thought it was going to work out this time." And I also especially relate to her saying all her past relationships were bad, since that is basically how I also feel and I too "can't take it anymore." Oh wait... those might be my words, not hers. But whatever, I know how she feels. But it IS kind of interesting, bc why DOES she feel like that? She is cute, funny and nice, so I really wouldn't think she would have relationship issues. Just like everyone thinks about Jennifer Aniston!Anyway, she also completely validated what I was saying all along, which was how much it hurt when Brad said that crap about "You will make a good wife, you will NOT make a good wife for me." What a jerk!!!!!!!! She said she wanted "closure" or more of a explanation, or whatever.... but she didn't get it. I mean, Brad DID say she WOULD be a good wife... but she missed that part and only heard the part about her not being a good wife for HIM. So whatever, Brad is a jerk and she can do better.

The only advice I would really have for her is: the truth is over-rated. She should definitely start lying to herself, instead of focusing on all the negative ways in which men treat her. For example, remember that one chick who got thrown off and was all "F Brad, I could be dating a million men tomorrow if I wanted." Yeah, that attitude might help Ashley S with her depression over men. She should just start thinking that way, she would feel better then.

Next, along comes Ashley H. to the hot seat. The biggest news here is that she now has brown hair. As with the other Ashely, this too stirred up many emotions for me. I actually do think that she looks good with the brownish reddish hair. It makes her look more mature and sophisticated. However, I'm not sure that I've really known her long enough to be able to process such a drastic hair change. I also thought that she looked good blonde, which made her look younger, cuter and more fun.She claims that this is her "natural color," which I don't believe. Check out her roots. It looks like she has that dark ashy blonde hair that isn't really any color. It kind of sucks on its own, but then the good news is that you can easily dye it to any color you want. So this really hit a personal note for me, because I too am thinking about dyeing my hair back to brown. Right now it is fake, bright blonde. And my hair unfortunately is a few shades darker than hers naturally, so it doesn't dye blonde easily, even though I look pale and like I could easily be blonde. It's really expensive and roots are a pain in my ass. Please vote below if you think I should go back to brown or stay blonde, thanks!!Ok. So back to Ashley's feelings for B-dub. I found myself liking Ashley more at this WTA. I don't know how, when, where, why, etc, but Ashley really seems like she is totally over Brad. I really did feel all season that she is NOT a jealous, nervous and neurotic person, but that Brad made her FEEL that way. I think she must have realized that at some point along the way too, because she seems pretty chill and NOT upset over Brad AT ALL. Brad himself even admitted it at one point that he "wasn't that guy" that could just make her feel calm and assured.

Also -- according to Reality Steve, he has reported that Ashley H. will be The Next Bachelorette. I am ok with that... HOWEVER, if they start seriously pulling this whole pile of "I focused too much on my career, when I should have been gallivanting around, sleeping with all the other dental students to find my husband, but now I'm changed and ready to put some random guy I met a few weeks ago on a reality TV show first," crap, then I will be ANNOYED.Finally, out comes the Womack himself. He proceeds to creep me out right off the bat by saying, "I don't want to get in trouble here, because I promised my significant other I wouldn't be that excited to see all you women. But sorry BABE, it is SO GREAT to see y'all!!!"

EW!!!!!! That really makes me think he is going to pick Emily. She seems like the kind of wife/woman you would say that about. "Oh, I don't want to upset my beautiful, precious wifey!!! Sorry Babe!!" Again this really hit a personal nerve for me... as you can tell, this was a very emotional episode for me. So is this what it takes to get a man??? We have to find someone and break them in and train them like they are some kind of dog?

"Bad, Braddie, don't look at the other women!"

"Good, Braddie, tell me ALLLL your inner feelings."

"What did I say about having more than 2.5 beers in one night, and then driving home, Braddie?"UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! G-d d@mn it!!!! I guess I will be single forever, as I have NO desire to modify someone else's behavior!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................. GROSS!!

I'm so upset right now, I'm not sure if I can finish this blog.... Sigh.

Ok. Anyway, I don't think Brad really said or did anything else noteworthy during his interview. Did he?? That I forgot about? Who knows...So I have been meaning to say this all season. Is anyone else a fan of the author, Sandra Brown??? She used to write trashy romance novels, and then kind of veered into mystery. Most of her manly heroes are tall, dark, handsome and from Texas.... and I kind of picture them looking exactly like one Bradly Womack. The only difference would be that if Brad was one of her men, he would be sharp and witty and very hard to understand, yet have a softer, gentler side that was looking for the right woman to break through his rugged exterior.Anyway, next up, ABC makes us all feel like a bunch of jerks for worrying about our petty first world problems, when there are small children who can barely get an education and don't even have hot water.

And finally, we get both a refresher course on Brad's relationship w/ Chantal and Emily as well as a preview of what's coming up in his relationship. They make it look like he storms out on Emily, although I SEVERELY doubt that happens.I have to say, I think he should pick Chantal, he looks more comfortable around her. Everyone is saying he is in love with Emily, which I also did finally get, when they re-showed her walking out of the limo last night. I don't know. I'm just not sure Emily would really be that into Brad.

All in all, I feel pretty emotionally UN-vested in whomever he chooses. I can't relate to Brad, Emily OR Chantal on ANY level.

Oh yeah, and I also didn't find the out-takes that great or hilarious.

Yours in the Single Life,Julie Julie

PS --- Does anyone remember the time when Chantal told Brad that her Dad cheated on her Mom and got some other girl pregnant and that she has some random half sister or brother or something running around out there?? Awkward!!!

PPS --- This chick was really pretty. He should never have sent her home!!!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Ok y'all, so NO, this is NOT Bachelor related, but I think we all really need a safe space to vent about Charlie Sheen. For this week's (Monday, Feb. 28 - Final 3 dates in South Africa) re-cap, click HERE or scroll down below!!! That re-cap is up!! But I have more pressing matters trying to get out of my brain right now.Ok -- so Charlie Sheen is a stark, raving mad lunatic!!! And I have thoughts and feelings about Charlie that go WAY BACK.

Once upon a time, when I was just a young lass, fresh out to Los Angeles, circa 2003, a new little sitcom started up, called "2.5 Men." I was there from the beginning... not ON the show or set or anything, but covering it. I remember when it first came on the air, and that cute little kid actor, Angus. Sidenote: why in the HELL would you name your child Angus?!?!?!?! Anyway, I didn't think much of it, because let's face it: most sitcoms FAIL. But I do remember interviews with Jon Cryer and Angus, and that kid was cute.

So some time wore on and apparently the sitcom was doing well. Personally, I don't really get it, because I don't personally see the humor in womanizers. But I can honestly say I've NEVER seen even one episode of that show, so I guess I can't talk. I have seen a few scenes here and there, but usually after a few minutes get so offended or disgusted that I have to change the station.Well one day, Denise Richards did a guest-starring role in the show and we were behind the scenes. I was GREEN with envy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because I felt like she had EVERYTHING I wanted!!!

Back in those days, I still had dreams of being a famous actress. So I was jealous of all the actresses. But furthermore, she was all cute and I can't remember if she was pregnant, or just had their one cute little daughter. And she was married and was on a sitcom. So my OTHER dream in life is to work on a sitcom and THAT dream really has NOT faded, unlike my aspirations to be a famous actress. Plus she was all married and happy-(seeming) and her husband was a sitcom star.

So basically she had like EVERYTHING I could ever have dreamed of wanting, as far as I was concerned. She was cute, famous, pretty, married, rich, had a cute baby and was guest-starring on a sitcom. I think the only thing that would have made me more jealous is if she was like 21 and had a twin sister... bc I also get jealous of YOUNG successful people all the time and I always wanted a TWIN!! (Example: I am SUPER jealous of the Olsen twins!!!!... or I used to be... but still kind of am, actually... but then kind of not, bc now that I am older, I really would NOT want to be famous!!! But I WOULD like to have billions in the bank and be 21!!!)Anyway... Sarah was like "Dude, don't worry about them, SERIOUSLY. They have problems too. NO ONE's life is perfect, not even sitcom stars, not even rich people, not even successful 21 year old millionaires." So I was like "Yeah, you are right," and tried to console myself that maybe it WOULD actually suck to be rich and famous. Ha!!

Well, I am sure that I would have forgotten all about that set visit if the saga had not continued.

But little did I know that the drama was just getting started!

So, soon enough, Denise is pregnant with their second baby and filing for divorce. Now, I think that really says something BAD when a PREGNANT lady is filing for divorce!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, really now!!!!!!! You have to do something pretty bad for your wife to leave you when she is PREGNANT.So obviously I was interested in this story, since I had been SO jealous of them just a short time ago!!!

SIDE NOTE: I think that Charlie Sheen might have been known as a bad boy or something in the 80s, but I'm not really sure. You see, I wasn't really allowed to watch much television in my youth (ironic career path I've chosen???). So I spent most of the 80s listening to Burl Ives, dancing around in my living room, coloring and playing make-believe with my sisters. Yes, I was approximately 13. There are some drawbacks to being the oldest :( So anyway, maybe if I had known that Charlie was bad news, I wouldn't have been so jealous in the first place.

ANYWAY... being interested in this divorce story between Charlie and Denise, I paid extra special attention to it. Not very noble of me obviously, but I definitely REVELED in their fall, as I thought to myself: "WOW, now THAT sucks!!!! I am GLAD that I am not you!!!!!!! One day I will marry a GREAT guy and live happily ever after and NOT get divorced!!!" Ha!!! We'll see.

So, Denise wrote this long complaint to the court, spelling out all the erratic and crazy stuff that Charlie did. I read the whole thing one day at work!!!!!!!!! And seriously, just seeing a snippet or quote from it would NOT do it any justice. You had to read ALLL the pages to get the full effect. It was clearly something that SHE actually wrote FROM THE HEART. It wasn't a fine piece of literature or anything, all perfect and structured. No, it was clearly something that a distressed woman took the time to write out and think through as she tried to take back the night.

You can read it HERE. It's 17 pages long and I read the whole thing back in the day.

I don't remember everything it said, but I remember a few things... he was like talking smack about her Mom who had cancer, like HIDEOUS things. He was paranoid about his daughters and didn't want to vaccinate them or take them to the doctor or give them vitamins, like weird paranoid stuff... even if you are skeptical of vaccinations, he was like crazy. Yeah, I really don't remember all the specific allegations, just that I really believed them and everything she wrote. Kind of like this whole post. It's not that well written and it's pretty specific, and also implicates myself, so I'm obviously not LYING about my jealousy, etc. That is what her letter was like.So at that point, I was like -- hot damn!!! Charlie IS a crazy bastard!!! And that is the point when I became anti-Charlie. I was totally on Team Denise. And actually that wasn't really the popular opinion back then. I think most people thought that SHE was crazy. They thought he was the big rich sitcom star, and she was a psycho, hysterical, bitter ex-wife.

But I KNEW Charlie was a MEAN bastard. And this is not just from Denise's letter to the court either. He has "mean mouth." This is a term I made up, where his lips are always pressed together in this hugely angry scowl. And he was also like going on this press tour, talking tons of S about Denise. Like he was just so INNOCENTLY trying to live his life, and this hysterical woman wouldn't just let him be in peace. Well, that is just obviously not true, in the sense that... if you were really so grandiose and SUCH the bigger and better person, then you really wouldn't be talking to the press AT ALL about your "psycho ex."

So it was around this time that he joined forces with Brooke Mueller.... his new girlfriend. So they were like on a press tour, promoting how insane Denise was, and Brooke would all chime in to his defense like "Yeah, she is SOOOOOOO jealous of us!!! It's crazy, we are just trying to live and let live!!!!"

And I was like "Broooke... what in the HELL are you thinking??? How can you NOT realize that your ass is going to be the one he knocks around next!?!?!?!?!" I mean, take some serious heed yo, if he's doing a press tour slandering his ex. As Dr. Phil says -- past behavior is the best predictor of FUTURE behavior. SERIOUSLY! Wow.

Beware y'all of your flame's relations to their ex's bc good chance that will be YOU one day!!! Oopps..... hmmm maybe I should watch my mouth since I pretty much either don't remember or HATE my exes!! Actually I don't hate any of them... only ONE. I would mention his name, but then I would have to spit, and I'm in my office! Uhmm... I mean, I'm at home blogging in my spare time. I have ONE nice ex, who I really like, and his name is Jeremy. Anyway, I am seriously digressing.

So. As I was saying... yeah, seriously watch out for how people treat their ex's. Now, let's say for example that someone really DID have a psycho ex. Now, that really does suck. Especially if you have kids together, and yes, I am sure that would be incredibly frustrating and difficult to deal with. However, you can still tell a lot about the person by how they DO deal with it.

So somehow Brooke TOTALLY missed all the warning signs and went ahead and married Charlie like a DUMB ASS.Now, this was not that long ago, and by this point, my jealousy has QUITE faded for pretty much ALL famous people, as I have now realized that being famous is NOT cool and that I DEFINITELY do not want that in my life. Also, after my stint doing improv, I also realized that I have no big desire to perform, as I don't really like being on stage, bc it makes me feel fat. However, I WAS funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always feel the need to mention that, bc I feel like when I tell people that I did improv, but quit, I can see them internally cringing at the thought of this tall, quiet, shy girl on stage trying to be funny... but I WASS!!!! People laffed, yo!!! (With me?? At me??? I dunno).

BTW - I WOULD still like to work on a sitcom, I would perform for that, or write or whatever... just not be a PA and get ppl coffee... and I would also still gladly accept millions into my bank account and the chance to be 23 again!

Anyway, so yeah, Brooke marries Charlie like some kind of FOOL!!!! And the press was all covering it like it was so cute and happy and they had some sort of inappropriately elaborate wedding, etc. And everyone in the world acts like this is all normal, and happy and that Charlie is this great guy who's the big star of a great sitcom.

And the whole time, I was sitting in my little hidey hole nay-saying the whole thing!! Going "WTF WTF WTF WTF. This is NOT going to end well!!!"

So, NOT SURPRISINGLY at all to me, Thanksgiving or whatever, Christmas?? I don't know, I can't remember the timeline... but out in Colorado, the police get a call and Brooke M. is like "My husband, Charlie Sheen is holding a knife to my throat!!" NICE!!!!!!!!!! You can even listen to the call HERE. I remember being at home during the time, so it was definitely over some holiday and I was all kinds of "I KNEW IT!!!!" And reading the news. And everyone was like "Uhmm wow Julie, do you have a life?" (Apparently, I did not!)

So that relationship devolved into a steaming pile of abuse and BS, just like his other one! Oh wait, but not before she had his twins --- Bob and Max... because he was backlashing against the trend of giving your babies abstruse names that no one has ever heard of, nor can pronounce.Anyway, so now they're divorced (or divorcing?? I think it's been finalized). And I've felt for a long time that he is a TOTAL JERK and complete woman-abuser.

So, I guess that's the thing for me. The reason that I really strongly can't get down with him is because he is seriously a total woman-beater and abuser. So for awhile now, I've been offended on behalf of all women everywhere for all his ravings and living with porn stars or "Goddesses."

I am not really sure what started this recent unraveling in the media, actually. What happened, like he missed work on 2.5 Men for a minute or something?? Then did a radio interview insulting Chuck Lorre, the creator of 2.5 Men? I really don't know, but he has just started making all these totally CRAZY remarks to like EVERY MEDIA OUTLET that will listen. I bet I could get an interview with him for my blog!!!!!!!!!!!

So then they finally cancel the show for the rest of the season due to the "totality of his actions and statements." And now he has just given out so many golden quotes that I can't even keep up.

The New York Times brought up an interesting point --- abusing women and doing piles of cocaine didn't get Charlie fired, but insulting the producer did. Check it!! (I didn't read the whole thing).

Now my emotions go three ways for Charlie.

1 - On the one hand I am DEFINITELY laughing at his quotes. I mean, they are hilarious and bizarre. And he just keeps coming up with more and MORE of them!!! Today, when his twins got taken away, he said "Tiger blood now drips from my fangs." HAHAHAHA!!! To allegations that he is bi-polar, he says "I'm not bi-polar, I'm bi-winning." Really, there's no end to the string of bizarre and hilarious comments he's making lately.

2 - On the other hand, I kind of feel like we are all laughing at and making fun of a mentally ill person, which I kind of feel bad about.

3 - And finally on the THIRD hand, I don't feel bad at all, because he's a misogynistic woman abuser who has left behind FOUR children under the age of seven and two beaten ex-wives in the wake of his destruction.

So that basically sums up my feelings. His general point now is that he is a ROCK STAR who is WINNING and the rest of us are LOSERS. The reason he is WINNING is because he is now shacking up with not one, but TWO women... or "Goddesses" he flies all over the world in a jet and drives a fancy car, does tons of drugs and generally does whatever he wants.

Now, I think that most people can see that he is pretty mad. BUT... I feel like some people are going "Well, he DOES sort of have a point... I mean, he CAN do whatever he wants, and who WOULDN'T want porn stars and expensive cars?!!!?" So whenever I hear that, I get re-offended on behalf of womankind!!!!!!!So now I would just like to give MY opinion on his lifestyle. First off -- do whatever you want, I really don't care. BUT, I am definitely not IMPRESSED with it. I mean, it's just hedonistic and selfish, which sure we all have a right to be... but it's not really anything special or noteworthy to just put yourself first. The fact that he has all these little kids though makes it really BAD. If you want to just party with porn stars and get high all the time, at least have the common courtesy NOT to hurt other people, such as wives and children while doing so -- aka STAY SINGLE, dumb ass.

Now, I even have a nice example of someone who seems to be living the playboy lifestyle POLITELY. Leonardo DiCaprio!!! That's right!!! Isn't he always running around with some 19 year old model??? Just recycling one after the other??? And Leo really isn't that young anymore (36).... so yeah, it's a little skeezy to just keep dating young model after young model as you yourself get older and older and older. HOWEVER, Leonardo is NOT a jerk or creepster about it!! I mean, most people probably don't even think of him as a perv!!! He is always extremely NICE to the media, VERY polite and sweet and humble and unassuming and just very NICE!!!!!!!!! He has never once offended me with his antics, and I am pretty easy to offend when it comes to women's issues. But hey -- what can I say?? If that is Leo's interest, more power to him!! At least he is not hurting anyone!!!! Go date baby models, what the hell do I care?!?!

Charlie on the other hand is just a big JERK, running around acting like every guy wishes he was banging two porn stars in a private jet. And this pisses me off, bc I just feel like it isn't impressive and not good for gender relations.

Honestly, it really is a LOT more impressive men who bother to commit and have a family. Not that I'm saying everyone should do that, just that it's a lot HARDER thing to accomplish than to just running around reaping destruction.

So I guess that I just feel lucky and happy that my Dad and Mom decided to raise a nice little family of our siblings instead of just partying like rock stars while we sat at home drinking coke out of our sippy cups past 8pm or something.

In the end, I guess go do whatever you want... but I feel bad for little kids with irresponsible parents.I think that pretty much sums up not only my feelings for Charlie Sheen, but also my life story. Wow.