Brewery Hostage Crisis

Disgruntled workers at a brewery took senior managers hostage following news of redundancies. The workers downed several pints of wife beater before locking management in.

Management were released in a hostage swap as one brave UK man stepped in to help. Mr Skoob, wearing one sock and a rather ill-fitting black leather outfit, volunteered to be locked in to the brewery. "I promise not to try to escape". Mr Skoob's bravery brought recognition from the PM. "In these hard times this man shines out like a stream of piss in the snow" said Gordon Brown. On seeing Mr Skoob's outfit Lord Mandelson remarked "Can I have his phone number?"

Meanwhile, workers at the brewery have issued a demand that all redundancies be cancelled. Speaking on their behalf Mr Jag Gedone said "The manufacture of beer should be protected and those who make it should be cannonised. We urge all governments to come together and form a rescue package."

The brewer, whose top seller is known affectionately as "wife beater", is no stranger to violence. This is thought to be the first time violence has spilled over into the brewery. However, Mr Skoob's condition was said to be comatose and content.

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