Two of the Teen Stars From #Horror Share Their Bullying Stories

Onscreen and off, cyberbullying has never been so destructive.

#Horror is a horror movie tailor-made for the teen generation, not just because the name itself couldn't be more #relevant, but also because the topic — cyberbullying — has never been more prevalent.

The indie film marks the directorial debut of Tara Subkoff, a '90s It girl, longtime actress, and legendary indie designer who decided it was time to get behind the camera after she heard that her close pal's daughter attempted suicide. The culprit? Cyberbullying, of course. The traumatic event, which fortunately has a happy ending, inspired Tara to pen a screenplay.

Because age 12 is the worst time to be a teen girl, according to child psychologists and every single female who's lived through it, Tara cast six 12-year-olds from Connecticut, where her story takes place. ("The meanest girls in the world come from Connecticut," Tara told us. And she grew up there, so she knows what she's talking about.) The industry vet visited Teen Vogue with her whole junior high-age cast in tow, and though none of the girls had professionally acted before — or maybe because of that — they talked candidly about what it was like to star in a movie so brutally similar to their real lives.

Every single one of the teens had been witness to — and, in some cases, victims of — cyberbullying. Two of the stars, newcomers Emma Adler and Mina Sundwall, were brave enough to share their experiences, which they more or less relived on screen (minus the whole masked-murderer-on-the-loose bit), here.

Read their stories ahead, and then go see the movie. True to its name, it is technically horror — but what's even scarier is how realistic the bullying is. Because Tara hopes to make a difference long after the film leaves big screens, she joined forces with a school-bullying app called Bridg-it that helps teens safely get help when they're being harassed. It works a lot like Snapchat, albeit with a much more meaningful ephemeral message.

Most kids my age basically live on social media and that’s where, statistically speaking, most bullying happens, so I think it’s safe to say it’s almost impossible to get through our teen years without experiencing bullying. Even if you’re one of the lucky ones and you survive mostly undamaged, we all know someone who has been bullied — sometimes badly. I’m one of those people.

One of the earliest times I remember being bullied was in elementary school. My mom and brother and I had just moved and I was the new second grader in a school where it seemed everyone had known their friends forever, or at least since nursery school. I liked a boy but apparently he didn’t like me because one day at recess he pushed me down backwards into a pile of goose poop. It seems funny now, but back then it was crazy bad. He and his friends just stood and laughed. It took everything I had not to cry in front of them. I got in trouble too, because the only thing I could think to do afterwards was punch him. I guess that was my first experience with trying to feel empowered.

Hitting him was my way of trying to show courage, but when bullying gets to be too much for too long, you lose courage, and you lose your sense of self. At least that’s what happened to me.

I was very fortunate that my mom pays close attention and was smart enough to give me a creative outlet — acting — as a way to make friends who would accept me for who I was and where I would be welcome to act out (literally) anything I needed to in a healthy setting. She used to say “save the drama for drama.” She was right. In middle school especially, it felt like there was nothing but drama.

Most of the time I was bullied, I tried to deflect it. That’s what most kids do — act like we aren’t being affected by the ugly comments, back-stabbing, or manipulative behaviors of our so-called friends. I tried to act like I didn’t care for self-protection. I even tried to immerse myself into the “mean girls” circle. I thought if I could hide within their ranks I wouldn’t be the target anymore.

I’m also more than a size zero, which meant I was easy prey for the kind of girls who treated me like I was a threat to their very existence. Bigger is not beautiful in their eyes. But spend enough time around sick people and you become sick yourself. It’s about fitting in. It’s how we survive. But this “survival” actually can kill you, and it almost did for me. There came a time when I just couldn’t handle the bullying. At my lowest point, I felt totally alone but I didn’t want to tell anyone. That’s the other problem with bullying. Kids don’t want to report it because they think there won’t be anyone who can really step up and make a difference.

I went through all the big and scary sounding words that too many kids experience when bullied: anxiety, depression, eating disorder…you name it. I felt like I was slipping into a dark hole and couldn’t climb out. I know from other kids that this is a pretty common feeling. I’m one of lucky ones. I’m alive.

Being in #Horror was such an amazing opportunity. I got to use my experience and share a fictional story that was part of my own real life one. Talk about a creative outlet. I still can’t believe I acted in a movie with Timothy Hutton, Chloe Sevigny, and one of my favorite actresses from Orange is the New Black, Taryn Manning. So is life perfect now? No. But I’m a teenager, so I don’t expect it to be. The bullying didn’t stop after the movie. It actually got much worse for a while. Life imitated art. A social media scandal broke out at my school, and because I was away to shoot the movie for a few weeks, everyone made me the scapegoat and said I started it. In reality I didn’t know anything about it.

Sometimes I still hate the way I look, the way I feel, or the way my life is going in general. But that’s life, especially at this age. Fortunately, I can handle it now. I have outlets. I have music and acting. I have things that make me happy; some amazing friends — including the cast of #Horror. Most importantly, I have ways I know I can make a difference. No one needs to feel like they’re alone in the world or that no one understands their personal pain. Bullying is going to happen. Pain is going to happen. But it’s up to me to decide what I want to do with my life and how I want to handle things that are tough. I’m still figuring that out. Even though I’m still young, I feel more clear on that whole “empowerment” thing. I know now that although we can't control what life throws at us, we can respond to it with courage, awareness, dignity, and respect. I think some people call it grace.

People call me outgoing. I guess, superficially, it means I can socialize easily. And that's true. But socializing is not friendship. Now I have a few “real” friends — not too many. They make me feel cared for and give me confidence, and I trust them. I wish I could spend all my time with my friends but at the same time, I don’t like it when someone wants to own me.

Unfortunately a few years ago my best friend was the "needy" kind. She wanted me next to her all the time and she didn’t really like anyone else, so we always had to hang out — just the two of us. She was special and interesting, so for a while, I just let her run my schedule. But it became draining… pretty much an emotional ball and chain. One day I decided not to play her game and I told her to give me some space. She didn’t seem to listen and nothing changed, so eventually I made myself less available to her requests. I cancelled our get-togethers and I took my time.

She was relentless, sending me texts in the middle of the night that said, “Why don’t you like me any more? What did I do to you?” She was scared that I didn’t like her and wanted to make me feel bad — and she was successful. Or maybe she wanted a confrontation that I didn’t want. Seventh grade was a difficult year overall and the last thing I was interested in was to pile on more drama. I liked her, but I also didn’t want to limit myself to her being my only friend.

So I did what she wasn’t expecting. I introduced her to my new close friend. She disappeared for a few days and when I saw her again, she looked at me with devil eyes. I didn’t want her to suffer but also didn’t dare start a conversation and risk getting trapped again. A few hours later, right in front of all my friends, she screamed at me and said she wished I would "die under a bus!"

Then the real horror of cyberbullying began. She would text horrible comments about me and my friends. That was just the beginning. It was drama times 100. Her plan was to have everyone turn on me. Even though she didn’t have a lot of other friends, she was pretty successful at it. I became the target first with the so-called popular people, then the boys, and then it expanded. I found out which friends were real or not very quickly. My former friend was smart (she’ll definitely be a lawyer one day), pretty, and always knew the right things to say. I was pushed out to the fringes and became an outcast at my school.

Eventually parents and teachers figured it out and she was reprimanded. But even then, she managed to come through with barely a scratch. There were no real repercussions for what she did to me.

Most bullying stories seem to have an aggressor and a victim. But the worst part of this situation was that we both became someone we are not. I didn’t like her but I also didn’t like myself. I am no easy victim and she forced me to react. I had no qualms snapping my fingers, calling her a bitch, and standing up for myself. But the weight on my shoulders was bigger than what I could carry. It was impossible to get through a normal day of school without someone looking at me weird, and for me pretending to be tough all the time was a huge burden.

All I wished for was that she would disappear...which fortunately happened. Seventh grade finally ended and her mom moved her to another school for the next school year. The summer saved me and after losing a lot of sleep, I learned that my outgoing personality is often just a shield. I worry, I often over-think things, and I am more comfortable with boys than girls. I know myself well enough to understand that this is for self defense and a way to protect myself. But I also love to connect with people, I love to hear their stories, and I am glad I have a few friends to share my world with. That’s all I really need. Authentic and real friendships where I know that no matter what happens. These real friends will be there for me no matter what. And I will be there for them. Nothing can change that. The rest is just, well, fluff .