Evil Villain shuns underground lair for London skyscraper

After a series of strange events in Central London, Security Services are reported to be investigating claims that an Evil Villain has taken up residence in the new "Walkie Talkie" skyscraper ahead of its completion.

Attention was first drawn when a Jaguar car was recently melted by what appeared to be some kind of focussed beam weapon. The owner of a nearby hair salon also reported the targetting of his welcome mat by the same weapon.

A resident of a neigbouring appartment block who wished to remain anonymous said "our suspicions were first aroused a few days ago when delivery lorries arrived carrying parts for what appeared to be an underground monorail.

Whilst on the scene our intrepid reporter spoke to one potential witness, a bald man in a grey suit who was pinning "LOST" notices with pictures of a fluffy white cat to lamp posts nearby, who said that the events had already been exagerated enough by the media and were nothing to do with his recent move into the area or the "Laser" he was testing, and it most definitely was not a prelude to attempt to extort a "gizzilion dollars" from the UK government.