Monday, October 20, 2008

I Think I'm Finally Hydrogenated

Well, I'm a solid. We've eaten so richly and naughtily over the last week, that surely we must be hydrogenated by now. We feel as if we should store ourselves as drippings under the sink in a used, rusty can - and just toss ourselves away with the rest of the rubbish.

We tried to make up for it by going for a hike/run on Sunday, yet we were sweating vegetable oil and butter and felt as if our legs were filled with Crisco; it was not at ALL joyous like last week's run. We were yelling the f-word for completely different reasons this week. Oh yes.

The cause of our solidification? Well, some bad-ass chocolate peanut butter bars which I'll never forgive myself for discovering - more on that in a bit. The other offender was a fantastic dinner on Saturday night - bread with fresh pesto (I wanted to drink it!), lobster bisque that was so buttery we almost lost our minds right there, 1 lb. of mussels (practically ate the shells), and main courses of fish and lobster. INSANITY. We were so full when we left, but by the time we got home? SOLIDS. Could not move. Miserable.

And of course - this divine, perfect, and miserable meal was hot on the heels of these godforsaken artery-clogging, cardiologist-funding, drool-inducing, loaves of chocolate-sugar-fat...

Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars

I shouldn't even post these. Listen, if you make these naughties, don't make a full batch because they will HAUNT YOU EVERY MOMENT UNTIL GONE! They're worse than The Blair Witch Project, I swear - haunting little shits. I have a love-hate relationship with some desserts, and this one is definitely on that list. Even worse (or better) is that there is NO baking involved - they are the easiest things EVER - how irritating is that? Totally, if you've spent any fair amount of time baking complicated things that turn out so-so. Hello, Me. So anyhow, if you make these - have plans for them immediately unless you are on a weight-gain diet, then go hog wild.

Line a 13x9 inch pan with aluminum foil. In a food processor, combine butter, peanut butter, sugar, and crumbs until a ball forms. Press mixture into the pan using a spatula.

Over a double-boiler, melt the chocolate chips. Stir, then spread over peanut butter mixture. Chill in refridgerator for about an hour. Allow to come to room temperature before cutting into squares. Store in refridgerator. Adapted from Paula Deen, who else uses that much butter? ENJOY!

That meal sounds glorious. But you know, you've demonstrated wonderfully just how flexible the "f-word" really is and how one can apply it to so many different situations. Hence, it's my favorite cusser.

Well, in regard to Morton's comment above, I guess that makes me the bridesmaid (never the bride)! Damn! I actually think I may have commented first one time, come to think of it.

But, Ann, on to you! you! you! Yes, you probably shouldn't have posted those luscious looking bars to tempt us all, but I think you're onto the misery loves company thing. Don't you find that when it comes to naughty eating that your spouse is worse than no help at all? As in you actually encourage each other. It's almost like an unspoken agreement that no one will say anything, until it's too late, all the food is eaten, and you can't eat anymore. Then it's moan and groan, we shouldn't have done that, but you do all over again the next time. That's how my hubby and I do it, anyway. We're looking a little rounder these days.

Holy peanut butter! I mean seriously, how many more miles do I have to add to my running? Another 30? I feel like these bars might be totally worth the pain of running an insane amount miles. Am I right?

Ohhhh I know that feeling so well. TOO well :) But you gotta do it occasionally. That slice sounds like a Nigella one - hers didn't have biscuit crumbs in it though. It also sounds like the sort of thing I could eat the whole of...

I actually did happen upon the post when the comment field was pristine, new. I, too, could have claimed "first!", but I abstained, because... I never do that. I thought it was because it seemed silly and kind of presposterous. Now I know it's because I was making way for your superior first-comment skills. Things always work out as they should.

Plus, having read your blog, I realize your need and hunger to be first in anything, having lacked that distinction elsewhere; I'm happy to concede the way.

@Ann - I came late to mussel knowledge. There's an Irish pub here - a real Irish pub, they moved beams, bars and beer all the way from the Emerald Isle - that has *incredible* mussels; I'm so glad I discovered them there! Should you ever make it to Charlotte, you and I will dive into a pot and simmer away with those lovely bivalves. Beer's on me.

Oh yum. Oh bliss. Oh yes.... bring on that fat!The very words "chocolate and peanut butter" send me into fits of ecstasy and I generally always let out a girly squeal -- the likes of which Sarah Jessica Parker could only dream of doing.

I want to know how it feels to be hydrogenated! I'm sure I'll remember the feeling from my fat days after having two babies back to back and a broken leg... but what the heck... these little yummies look too good to be afraid of. Plus, I hike/run every other day. Tbat should sweat the Crisco out sooner rather than later.

These were SO freakin delicious. And I don't even like peanut butter and chocolate together. I.Could.Not.Stop.Eating.Them.My mouth thanks you - my hips, well, they can keep their opinion to themselves :)