“Supermodel and actress Karolina Kurkova and her fiancé, film producer Archie Drury have announced that they are expecting their first child,” the statement reads. “The couple have been together for a little over a year.”

Remember the good ol’ days when models did so much heroin they were practically barren? What happened with that? Did we lose a war or something? Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve been harvesting heroin in my love dungeon non-sexual sun room for the past five years. Here model, model…

The fact that I’m not fat tarnishes your insult. And here I was thinking that ugly and grotesque looking people never get hurt…ya know, because they’ve become immune to the stares and taunts. Guess I was wrong.