Every time I turn, I feel like she’s just out of my sight. I think I see her out of the corner of my eye, but the mind plays tricks.

As I pack up the only home she knew, I wonder what she’d think of this new home, where we will continue life. Which room would she have picked? Would she want to share with her sister? Would she have picked out a purple color for her walls, or something new and different? I’ll never know.

I want to know!

The spots where she should be are empty.

I told myself it wouldn’t be hard. I told myself I was ready.

I lied.

Thanks to everyone who has voted for me (by clicking like) for the Babble “Moms Who Are Chaning The World” contest. The winner in each category gets $5000 for their charity, so voting for me is voting for Friends of Maddie. It means so much to us, so thank you again.

Sue says:

Linda Campbell says:

I’s so sorry Heather. The house I brought my son home from the hospital to, the house where his “Pop” came hundreds of times to see his boy belongs to someone else now. Leaving it was hard, it was like my Dad leaving all over again. I went back there recently, everything had changed, and that made it worse.

It’s a very difficult transition, I feel for you Heather, hugs to you!

I’ve been thinking of your family and how hard this change must be. No one should have to outlive their children. I imagine you’ll always be looking for her. I hope you’ll have sweet dreams of your Moo in the new house.

The line “I want to know!” gave me chills. You have a world of readers who wish fervently that you could know all these things, and so many more. She is with you, and I know that you know this… she will be there with each of you in your new home, because you will make it so. Sending much love.

Tracey says:

Even though I have not lost a child, I can somewhat relate to this post. We will be moving in December. I bought my parents house 15 years ago and have made it mine. But this is the last house where the 5 of us lived as a family. My twin brothers have both since passed on.

My parents have moved and now I will be moving. Both of us in houses that Jason and Craig never knew. There will be no more memories lurking around the corners.

I’m excited about my new house but at the same time I am having a hard time with leaving this one.

Amy Simmons says:

lisaj says:

I was expecting this post at some point, but my heart breaks seeing it. I have not ever experienced a loss anywhere near the same magnitude, but I cried like heck every time I have moved, because it just brings out so many memories and emotions. I cannot wrap my mind around how this must be for you…

You have been in my thoughts all week, Heather. The biggest, squeeziest hugs ever.

MelissaG says:

Thinking of you today….I so wish she were there with you. I know she’s always “with” you but, you know. BTW, I have to give you major kudos for always having a new post (M-F I think right?). Even if some of them may be pre-written (I’m assuming most bloggers do that), it’s so nice always having a new post to read. I know bloggers don’t “owe” us anything at all, if they don’t post I totally get it. But, just wanted to say it’s noticed and appreciated!

Jenn says:

OHH Sweetie,
I was wondering how you were feeling about this move in regards to Madeline. I’m so sorry Heather!!! There is NOTHING more I wish than that Maddie be with you today…..every day! She is such a BEAUTIFUL Soul!! To know even just about her, to look at her pictures, hear her little voice, watch her on the video’s is to simply… LOVE her….and to Love and Adore as much as we do…… is to miss her and hurt for you and Mike more than words could possibly say!!! She is loved, just as much as yourself, Mike and Annie are and Mama….that’s a lot of love!

I have been thinking of how hard this may be on your ever since you had first mentioned buying a new home. I have no words of advice, just know that I am thinking of you and praying for the well being of you heart.

Megan says:

It’s ALWAYS hard to leave behind a place you lived with your children, so it’s beyond understandable that this move would be, while exciting, extremely difficult and emotional. I desperately wish I could make it 100% sweet and no bitter for you all. Be kind and gentle with yourself right now.

Sometimes, I drive past Sy & mine’s old house and just think about him and miss him. I have often wanted to knock on that front door just to see what the new owners have done. But even so, I still can sense his presence in our new house from time to time. I still dream of him and think about him.

Just because you move, it doesn’t mean she still isn’t with you. Picking out her new room that would surely be purple.