Phil Bowhay: Spare the child, ditch the rod

I wouldn't bother you with this, but it bothers me and I'd like to get it off my plate. Once upon a time George Bernard Shaw said, "Never strike a child except in anger." This was supposed to be funny, or at least witty, and years ago I thought it was. Up to a point. Today, with anti-abuse recognition I shouldn't even print it. But we saw an incident recently that brought it back. The kid wasn't physically hit, but almost worse.

Susie and I had just walked down 18th to the Good Old Days celebration on Lighthouse, and wasn't that a grand parade up on Pine! There on the sidewalk, a kid, maybe 6 years old, and a touch big for his age, crying his eyes out, in the middle of what looked like a tantrum. If you've had kids, you know tantrums and lots of ways to handle them. This kid was screaming, "Where's my mother!" Taking care of him, and I use the term loosely, was a woman bigger than him, maybe in her late 20s, repeating

"Your mother doesn't want to be with you because you don't behave!" Louder cry from kid. "Where's my mother!" Then, the killer, "You are a bad boy!" Louder scream from the kid, "No I'm not!" "Yes you are! A bad boy!"

Now friends, this may not be fair, and I don't know the full story. Maybe the kid really is a bad boy. Well, if he isn't now, odds are he will be. Let's hope that Mother, possibly at the end of her rope for any number of reasons, will scoop up little Charley in her arms, wipe his tears, hold him close, tell him she loves him, and that he really is a Good Boy. OK, then a remark or two about behaving. You can fill in the blanks, drawing on your wide experience.

This may be a little self serving, but the old "Spare the rod, spoil the child" was and is baloney. I do remember a swat on my butt when I was little kid, but only once, and I can remember lots of time when I was praised by my folks for any number of reasons. There were times, I'm sure, when I really was a little s--t, but slowly observing disapproval, I learned that being a good boy resulted in better treatment. You'll have to ask my kids about their early treatment, but in any case, they all turned out very well!

Sure, we don't want to spoil our kids, but spoilage comes in different shapes. You may not like this, but spoil is better than ruin.

Pity now, and praise teachers who must handle the kids we send to them, spoiled, damaged, good or bad. We can all remember mean teachers, but even more, the wonderful ones, who not only taught us the 3 Rs, but also bolstered our self esteem and social propriety.

Miss Long, 5th grade, Horace Mann, Bakersfield, could have pitched for the Giants. You may remember the blue spelling books, with a poppy on the cover. Miss Long, in fits of disapproval, could hurl one across the room, right at the intended misbehaved. As

she went into her wind-up, up went every desk lid in the class. Anger now expressed, it was, in a soft voice, "You may all put your heads on your desk for a rest."

Good, until the bell rang. We learned from her caution, and the sense to not piss off a teacher, especially Miss Long

OK, friends. It's not a perfect world, and anger, properly placed, can be a gift from God. But for Heaven's sake, literally, be nice to your kids. It will pay off.