Without My Consent - 1974

A personal note: I have always found forced sexual contact, to be a grievous violation of a woman's privacy and a horrible and traumatic act, and in no way am I condoning such things or attempting to glamorize what happened to me. The following is a true accounting of an event that occurred early in my marriage and my honest appraisal of my response and feelings at the time.

Dan and I had been married for a little over a year when the following event occurred. I should mention that I was a virgin when I met Dan, he was the only man with whom I had been intimate, and to say that I was a bit naive is an understatement. We enjoyed a great marriage doing as we wished when we wished and had just moved into a four-bedroom house with a pool. Both of us working made this possible; he as a material handler with an aircraft engine manufacturing company and me as a keypunch operator with a credit card company.

When we were first married, we both worked second shift and Dan would take me to work in the late afternoon on his way to work and pick me up after midnight on his way home. These were great times. When we would arrive home Dan would go for a swim and I would make us breakfast after which we would sleep until late morning and then make love and do as we pleased until it was time to get ready for work.

After a year, I had an opportunity to become a computer operator (a promotion) but it would require that I work the day shift. Dan and I discussed it and decided that I should go for the position, as it was possible that Dan could get his shift changed in the next several months (as it turned out it took a year). It was difficult being a newly married couple and not seeing each other during the week with me gone when he woke up and sound asleep when he came home. While we made to most of our weekends, I had become accustomed to making love on a daily basis and that was no longer possible which left both of us extremely horny by the time the weekend arrived.

Dan took the car to work and I had arranged to carpool with two girls I worked with, Jackie and Sharon, and we shared the cost of gas. Jackie had a VW beetle with no air conditioning and while it was not very expensive to operate, it could be uncomfortable when it was hot. Although Jackie and Sharon were older than I was, I enjoyed this arrangement and their company. We would talk about our lives, share experiences, laugh, and occasionally smoke some pot on our trips home. It was during one of the rides home that the event I am about to describe occurred.

One Thursday we decided to stop at a restaurant and bar on the way home called Carlos O'Brien's and shared a cheese crisp, some chips, and a pitcher of margaritas. As I was 19 at the time, it was illegal for me to be drinking but our waiter never questioned us. By the time we left, we all had quite a buzz going and on the way home, we shared a joint of some pot that Dan had just purchased and laughed our asses off about one thing then another. When I got home, I went into the bedroom to change and, as it was summer in Phoenix, decided to take a quick shower. I noticed that Dan had left me a note on our dresser telling me that a friend of ours Chris would be stopping by to pick up an ounce of pot he had purchased from Dan and that the ounce was in the top drawer.

After I had undressed down to my panties I lost my balance and had to sit on the edge of the bed for a while realizing that I was both drunk and stoned and had quite a high going. I was sitting on the bed when I heard the doorbell ring and I quickly put on my robe and went to the front door to see who was there. I peered through the peephole and recognized Chris standing there. I opened the door and Chris stated that he was there to pick up his pot and I informed him that Dan had mentioned it to me and told him to come in while I went to get his ounce.

At this point, I should tell you a little something about Chris. He had been a friend of Dan's for several years and we had spent considerable time with him and his wife Wanda. Before we were married, Dan and I had used their guest room several times for lovemaking sessions. Most evenings we would go over to their house, get stoned and listen to music or watch TV and became quite close friends. So much so, that Wanda served as my maid of honor at our wedding.

Chris was a big and burly man and although he was no more than 5'10" seemed very imposing at what I am guessing was a solid 250+ pounds. Chris and Wanda had been married for a year when we met them and had just had a baby. Unfortunately, their marriage did not last more than a few years and by the time Dan and I had our first anniversary, Wanda had left Chris and filed for divorce taking their daughter with her. We only saw Chris occasionally after the split and when we did, he seemed adrift and somewhat confused about his new situation and not handling it very well.

Having left Chris standing at the entranceway, I went into the bedroom to get the pot he had purchased and noticed him looking strangely at me as I moved down the hallway back into the living room. I knew that the alcohol and pot had left me unsteady and was a little alarmed by his strange gaze. Chris asked me if it was okay for him to roll a joint to take with him and I somewhat reluctantly agreed. He sat on the couch and proceeded to roll the joint on the coffee table after which he lit it and took a couple of puffs. He asked me if I would like some and I politely refused his offer when he stood and brought the lit joint over to me and offered it to me again. I again refused and he took another hit then turned and put the joint down.

"It looks as though you've already been partying," he said as his eyes examined my body.

Before I knew what was happening he turned around and grabbed me by my waist and pulled me against him and attempted to kiss me. I pulled back speechless and tried to slap him when he grabbed my arms roughly and turned me around and shoved me down over the large overstuffed arm of the couch with my face resting on one of the cushions and my ass in the air.

My head was swimming as it all happened so fast and I was trying to make sense of what was going on when I felt one of his hands pulling up the hem of my robe. I immediately tried to get to my feet but was still dazed and having trouble with my balance. In response to my struggling, Chris placed his other hand on my back between my shoulder blades as his strength and girth pinned me in this very awkward position. Once he succeeded in pushing my robe up over my hips, he moved his hand to my panties and began pulling them down with such force that he eventually ripped the crotch out leaving me completely exposed.

"You have to stop. This can't happen!" I screamed.

"Oh, it's going to happen," he said smugly.

To say I was angry at what he was doing is an understatement and angry with myself for letting Chris into the house. I fought as hard as I could, trying to move my hips to the side to slide off the arm of the couch when he moved his leg to hold me in place. I was screaming at him to let me up when I suddenly felt his finger push deep into my vagina and I began pleading with him to stop as he started to manipulate it inside of me. As I was not well lubricated at the time, the invasion of his finger hurt at first until, to my horror, my juices started to flow. Another soon joined his thick finger and, although I continued to fight and protest, my body betrayed me as I was becoming very wet.

He persisted in working both fingers in me occasionally removing them to rub my clitoris. At the time, clitoral stimulation was not a part of my martial foreplay and it was sending waves of pleasure through my lower body creating a heightened state of sexual excitement. The effectiveness of his manipulation was evident as the sound being made by his meaty fingers and the ever-increasing flow of my lubricant was clearly audible. The combination of the alcohol and pot added to my confused state and I could not keep up as events spiraled quickly out of control with my body reacting like an animal in heat. While continuing to protest, I found myself moaning uncontrollably as his fingers continued their work at an increasing pace. As the fight began to leave my body, I unconsciously began moving my hips and screamed in a combination of indignation and physical satisfaction as the first wave of an orgasm overtook me.

Chris could not help but be aware of my condition and he removed his fingers leaving me feeling empty as I lay there trying to recover. I could feel him move back a little and actually started to feel relieved when I heard the sound of a zipper leaving no doubt what was to happen next. I was conflicted by feelings of wanting it to be over and Chris to leave and the lustful sensations my body was experiencing. In either event, my body was out of control and I had little left to resist him, as my orgasm seemed to have drained both my strength and resolve.

I felt him move closer and then the head of his penis pressing against the entrance of my vagina as his weight shifted onto me. Chris' manhood continued its invasion until I could feel the base of his pelvis against my ass and I felt as though I were a piece of meat impaled on the end of a skewer. He felt thick and hot and, to my complete humiliation, my womb seemed very willing to accommodate him. After he had buried his entire length in me, he pulled back and began plunging it in and out starting slowly then increasing in pace to a steady and hard rhythmic thrusting.

As he pounded away, I found myself groaning loudly and uncontrollably shifting my hips; only this time it was not to escape but to allow him greater access and penetration. I also realized that his hands had moved to my hips and were now pulling me toward him each time he pushed into me as my body responded with a will of its own.

"I knew you were going to enjoying this. Damn, I've wanted to fuck you for a long time." Chris said in a deep husky voice.

Although I had lost all track of time, he continued to take me in this position for quite some time. I had another orgasm and came to a shattering climax leaving me completely limp. Suddenly he pulled me tightly against him and let out a loud grunt as I felt his cock spasm deep inside me, then the warm rush of his cum flooding me. This went on for some time and I could tell he deposited a huge load in me and remember being thankful that I was on the pill! When he finished cumming, Chris pulled out of me and I felt him clean his penis on my robe then heard him zipping up his pants. He then grabbed his pot and left without saying a word.

I was still lying in the same position with my ass in the air, my mind confused and my body completely spent when I heard his car pulling out of our driveway. Somehow, I found the strength to collect myself and roll off the arm of the couch and onto the floor. As I sat there dazed, the first real thought I had was to take a shower as quickly as possible and wash him off and out of me. When I was finally able to stand, I could feel the mixture of my lubricant and his cum running down my leg and I used my robe to clean it. I went to the bedroom, threw my robe onto the floor, and disposed of my ripped panties in the garbage. I then took a long hot shower and douched well then went into the laundry room and put the robe into the washer. While the washer ran, I went back to the bedroom, sat on the bed, and decided if I should report Chris for what he had done.

After some thought I decided that, I did not want this to wind up in a courtroom. How could I explain that Chris had come over to pick up some pot my husband had sold him? How could I explain my condition when he arrived and how I responded? As angry as I was with Chris, I was also disappointed and confused about how my body had reacted to his assault. I decided that the best thing to do was to forget it had ever happened and tell no one.

After what he had done, I was sure that we would not see Chris again and I was sure he would not say anything as he had a great deal to lose. I started to clean up taking upholstery cleaner to the arm of the couch and the carpet as the flow of combined juices had left a huge damp spot on both. While cleaning I became concerned that so much of it came from Chris and I was again thankful that Dan and I decided not to start a family for a few years and I was safely on the pill!

We never did see or hear from Chris again and it was years until I was able to share what had happened with Dan. When I finally did, he was most concerned I had productively reconciled with what had happened. I assured him that I had dealt with it okay and was shocked when Dan told me that before we were married, he had been intimate with Wanda one night when Chris was on a sales trip. Dan swears he was only with her once but admitted that it was intense with them spending hours servicing each other orally and copulating in several positions. Although he did not believe Chris knew about it, I began thinking that perhaps she had told him (maybe just to hurt him) and that this was his way of evening the score.

For the next several days, I went from a state of shock to feelings of guilt and then anger until I realized that I was only hurting myself and needed to move on with my life. Over the next few weeks, I had plenty of time to think about what had happened and came to the realization that Chris' violation had cost me my innocence. I became suspicious of men and avoided situations in which I was not in complete control, which eventually subsided as time went on and I came to accepted what had happened.

The experience did revealed something about my sexuality, and, while I would never recommend learning this way, there was no denying that I had experienced a powerful reaction to being dominated. I had to accept the fact that I had achieved multiple orgasms with a man other than my husband and derived a great deal of physical pleasure in being dominated by a man.