Things My Husband Shouldn’t Say to Me

Sunday was a beautiful day – the perfect day for my husband to take a well-deserved rest by the pool. (We live in Florida.) I was happy watching him soak up the sun while reading a book. Well, I was happy until he came in. Let me recount our conversation for you.

Bob looking in the mirror at his chest after spending two hours by the pool – “Oh, I guess I did get a little sun out there today.”

Me, realizing I have to go to the dermatologist on Tuesday for my semi-annual humiliation, I mean skin check – “You are a little red. You need to be careful.”

Me throwing my hands up in frustration – “Brag, brag, brag! Do you know how long it would take me to go from red to brown? Hum? Or to get anything that resembles a tan? No, of course you don’t. Nobody knows! It’s like the mystery of how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie roll center of a Tootsie pop.”

End scene.

Say, “bees!”

Just so you know, today I did go to the dermatologist and it was a very good day for this pasty-white girl. A good day means 21 freezes of pre-skin-cancer areas and 1 small biopsy. Boom!

This is what I looked like afterwards. Warning, no make-up. Now you, Bob, and my dermatologist are the only ones who get to see me like this. Feel privileged and always use a good sunscreen of 50 SPF or above. If they had that when I was a kid maybe I wouldn’t come out of the dermatologist’s office every six months looking like I was attacked by a swarm of bees.

Leslie

Leslie

After reading all the other comments, this looks rather nasty. I hope you know it was not meant that way at all — just a painful memory of a long ride home doused with glycerin. The stupid thing things we do as kids that we pay for years later.

Thank you so much. I’ve had several basal cell carcinomas removed over the years – the price for being very fair-skinned and not understanding the harmful effects of the sun when I was young. Plus the only thing available then was Coppertone suntan lotion. We’ve come a long way. My doctor is super careful with me and thinks the one biopsy is going to be negative. Now I don’t go out without SPF 50 or above. Living in Florida – it truly is the Sunshine State.