Sex Questions of the Week With Dr. Hutcherson

Sex Questions of the Week With Dr. Hutcherson

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All month long, Glamour contributor Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., is here to field your daily questions about how to transform your sex life. Click here to e-mail her, and check back regularly! (You can also read her column every month in Glamour.)

March 6, 2009

I ejaculate quickly during sex and my girlfriend isn’t pleased. What do I do?

A:It’s great that you are concerned with your girlfriend’s satisfaction—that is very important in a relationship. But if you’re putting too much pressure on yourself to perform, you could be making the situation worse. My first piece of advice would be to try to relax. Then, try woman-on-top, a position that reduces friction so you’re able to last longer. You could also try wearing a condom, which will decrease your sensitivity. The truth is, intercourse alone is not a very effective way for most women to experience orgasm. So you should try manual and oral stimulation to bring your girlfriend closer to an orgasm before you have intercourse.

March 5, 2009

I just lost my virginity, but I didn’t bleed. Did we just not have sex for long enough or is my hymen still intact?

A: Women don’t always bleed when they lose their virginity. The hymen, the delicate tissue that rims the vaginal opening, may be torn or stretched during intercourse. When it tears, some women will bleed. For some, it may be only a drop or two of blood; in other women it may be more and even include several days of spotting after. However, you don’t necessarily have to bleed when you lose your virginity. And you may not notice bleeding if the hymen has already torn: Some women tear their hymen prior to having sex for the first time from a physical activity such as gymnastics or cycling. As for how long sex should last, sometimes intercourse lasts for a minute and sometimes it can last for more than an hour. Every experience is different.

March 4, 2009

I am married but haven’t had any children and am currently using a copper IUD, but I’m having problems with it. My IUD was expelled out of my uterus, and my gynecologist managed to push it back to the right place. They later discovered that it was all the way into my uterus, and they couldn’t feel the string anymore. Should I replace the IUD with the new one or is there a way to pull it out to the right position again? Could the copper IUD not be the right method of birth control for me? I don’t want to have children and would rather not use any kind of hormone birth control either.

A: You need to have an ultrasonogram to determine whether the IUD is in its proper place in the uterus. If it is, and if you’re not having any problems like abnormal bleeding or pain, then you don’t need to do anything. If at some point you decide you want to have it removed, it can be, even without seeing a string. (Your gynecologist can remove it using an IUD extractor.) However, if you are experiencing pain or bleeding, then you should see your doctor to either remove it and replace it with another one or switch to another method of birth control.

March 3, 2009

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for eight months and I’ve been away from him for two. We met when I traveled abroad for a year, and I fell deeply in love. We talked about our futures, moving in together, getting married, etc. Then, much like in a soap opera, a friend of mine whom I liked very much before I left confessed that he has feelings for me. My boyfriend has often told me that he needs me to survive and that life doesn’t exist without me and that he would kill himself if I ever broke up with him. I had never thought of breaking up with him before he said those things, and it is clear that he loves me very much, but sometimes I feel like he’s more afraid of being alone than he is of being without me. It sounds like a terrible thing to say especially after he has made so many sacrifices for me, including taking the tests to get his green card. I just can’t help but think about my friend and what it would be like to be with him instead of my loving, caring boyfriend. What should I do?

A: I think you’ve answered your own question. You obviously have stronger feelings for your friend than you do for your boyfriend. As for your boyfriend’s feelings toward you, you should ask yourself if it’s love or obsession. It’s never healthy for someone to say they would kill themselves without their partner. This kind of dependency raises a red flag for me. You cannot make decisions about your life based on somebody else’s needs, and you cannot stay in a relationship out of guilt. And if you need help, be sure to see a counselor.

March 2, 2009

Is it weird that whenever I’m dry-humping with my clothes on it just irritates me?

A: If you’re rubbing dry clothing against the delicate tissue of your vulva, you may be causing irritation or abrasions. You could even be scraping off cells if you’re rubbing very hard. Next time, guide your partner to try a more delicate touch and perhaps just gently glide his fingers over your clothing—that is often enough to transfer heat and energy to your genitals and can be very pleasurable.