Executive coach, change consultant, author

Post navigation

Luck matters

Let’s start with DNA. Your genes are responsible for 50 percent of your happiness. It’s called the “genetic set point.” Don’t buy this? Talk with twins who’ve been apart for forty years. Or take a look at the research. The conclusion is clear: half of your happiness is determined at your birth. You can pick your jeans but not your genes.

Now consider demographics. How much wealth you are born into. The color of your skin. The place where you grow up. You don’t control these either.

Luck matters.

Yet we convince ourselves it does not.

Get the latest podcast interviews

Sign up today for my free weekly update

No spam. I promise.

If life’s been hard and success elusive, many people want to blame you. You don’t work hard enough. You’ve made bad choices. You’re not taking responsibility. And, guess what. There may be something to these charges. You do have flaws. You do screw up. Yet tell that to the college professor who has the same degrees, title, and income as his close colleague yet can’t provide as well for his kids and has less financial cushion. The big difference? Whereas his colleague’s parents gained wealth on their home by buying low and selling high, his parents missed out because banks redlined their neighborhood. (Too many Black residents.) So now he sends a much higher portion of his income to his parents to cover their medical bills.

Let’s say you’ve made it big. Impressive job. Growing business. Nice house. Or perhaps, instead, you’re solopreneuring and live in a mini house, because you decided to simplify. You made the choices that got you here, right? You seized opportunities and took smart risks. Or you simply put in longer hours than others. Luck had nothing to do with this.

Except that it did. Your parents are white, so they got the loan that helped them buy the house that is responsible for half of their wealth appreciation. And you got healthy genes, so you spent your childhood playing sports or going to dance camp rather than getting surgeries to correct for chromosomal abnormalities. It’s like that famous quip about one of our recent Presidents: “He was born on third base but thinks he hit a triple.”

Luck matters.

But, wait, you didn’t grow up wealthy. And, you were sick a lot as a kid. But now you’re a success. Clearly, this is a case of overcoming obstacles and making the most of your talents, not luck, right?

Maybe. But it’s one thing to work hard and make smart choices and another to attribute all of your success to these actions. In reality, you got breaks others didn’t—the mentor who took an interest in you, getting into the right company at the right time, or the siblings who sacrificed so you could move ahead. You seized these opportunities, but you didn’t create them.

Luck matters.

It’s time for us all to come clean about this. Not just to call BS on our fables of success and happiness, but for three powerful reasons:

Gratitude. Acknowledging the role of luck is an act of gratitude. People who are grateful are happier than those who are not. So if you want to be happy, fess up to the primacy of luck.

Humility. People who know they’re not the sole architects of their lives tend to be more open to their own fallibility. They admit mistakes, seek opportunities to learn, and spend less time being arrogant know-it-alls.

Focus. When you realize the power of luck, you pay more attention to it. You see positive breaks that others miss. And when bad things happen, you don’t obsess about what went wrong, but focus on your creative response.

Connect on Facebook?

"One of my top guys got an outside offer and was ready to leave the team. I've lost several people like this over the years. But he chose to stay. He now sees me as a manager of choice, an outcome enabled by Amiel's coaching."

“When you work with Amiel, you get someone who knows when to challenge you and when to provide support, and who creates a program that is unmistakably for you rather than generic executive X. We worked together during a pivotal time in my organization’s history, when a crisis hit and our people needed a clear sense of direction and a compelling story to grab onto. Amiel helped me create both. Perhaps best of all, his support helped me renew my commitment to bringing my full energy to work each day and ensuring the rest of our people could do the same."

"Amiel, I have deeply appreciated your friendship, coaching, and guidance over the last few years. Our work together has changed me in the way that pervades everything that I do in my life. You have had a way of letting me learn for myself, which is very important when dealing with someone as strong-headed as me. I thank you for understanding the complexity of life and for listening deeply, something that very few people do."

"My favorite moment in sailing occurs when the sails are up, my course is set, and I lift my hand from the helm to find the boat is balanced. In that moment, I have achieved a zen-like balance where the heavens, wind, and water are in perfect harmony while I leverage them to get where I am going. Amiel revealed the secret that enabled me to create a similar harmony at work for myself and the people I work with. Just as I leveraged the environment in sailing, I now leverage my strengths in a bigger way and speak about the innovations we are creating with passion and authenticity. Now I am making large strides in preserving the environment I sail in, not just for me now but the future."

"The year I worked with Amiel was one of the most transformational in my adult life. With Amiel’s support, I learned to do three things that I (and my staff) didn’t at first think possible: slow down enough to truly listen to others’ ideas, empower my staff to succeed, and smile—a lot! The regular live shadowing and Amiel’s forthright feedback made a particularly big difference for me and for my team. I couldn’t recommend Amiel more highly."

CONNECT WITH ME

Featured Testimonials

“When you work with Amiel, you get someone who knows when to challenge you and when to provide support, and who creates a program that is unmistakably for you rather than generic executive X. We worked together during a pivotal time in my organi...

Rick C.Senior Fellow and General Manager, Fortune 100 company

“Amiel, I have deeply appreciated your friendship, coaching, and guidance over the last few years. Our work together has changed me in the way that pervades everything that I do in my life. You have had a way of letting me learn for myself, whic...