Whet your appetite for tomorrow evening with our Oscars predictions, guaranteed* to net you a win at the bookie’s, brought to you by seasoned Oscars host Laura Morgan, ably assisted by this year’s Best Supporting liveblog team of Ricky Young, Victor Field, Clio and new kid on the block Blake Backlash.

Preamble: Hello! You’re looking smashing. And we are popping in between appointments with the hair stylist and the jeweller to let you know that from (approximately) 10.30 this evening, UK time, we will be bringing you our fifth annual Oscars liveblog coverage, kicking off with incisive and knowledgeable (YMMV) commentary on the red carpet and powering through with the aid of tequila and Wotsits until 5am when The Revenant wins Best Picture and we can all go home.

Join us for the second-best essentially fake industry piss-up after the Meat & Poultry Processing Awards (organised by Meat Trades Journal), this year to be held at Radisson Blu Edwardian in Manchester on Thursday March the 3rd.

This year’s live! Exclusive! realtime! (where realtime = seconds or minutes behind the official broadcast!) Oscars commentary is brought to you by seasoned regulars Laura Morgan and Victor Field, plus a mysterious cabal of shadowy individuals known as MarvMarsh, Clio and veal. Join us here from 11ish tonight for insightful, incisive (and other “i” words) observations from the red carpet, the ceremony and the internet at large. In the meantime, meet your hosts…

This year’s live! Exclusive! realtime! (where realtime = seconds or minutes behind the official broadcast!) Oscars commentary is brought to you by seasoned regulars Laura Morgan and Victor Field, plus a mysterious cabal of shadowy individuals known as MarvMarsh, Clio and veal. Join us here from 11ish tonight for insightful, incisive (and other “i” words) observations from the red carpet, the ceremony and the internet at large. In the meantime, meet your hosts…

Laura Morgan is gainfully unemployed, has made her own set of Oscar predictions over at gladallover.net, and may become diverted from Oscars coverage because she is currently in charge of a two-year-old and a large dog. Victor Field is 44, unattached and unlooking, has about 2000 soundtrack albums and wishes Quentin Tarantino would bother to commission his own film music instead of using other people’s, the lazy little fucker.

MarvMarsh is a fan of all Brad Pitt’s different hair cuts and won’t have it that he (Brad, not Marv) is botching being the most beautiful man in the world. Clio is a longtime connoisseur of Oscar subtleties and absurdities, who still thinks that Judy Garland was
robbed of Best Actress in 1955. Veal is so mysterious that we don’t even know enough about her to give her a bio.

As is MostlyFilm tradition (well, we’ve done it twice, and we’re only three years old) we are playing Oscars bingo. This year we will be awarding points for each of the following:

After the ROARING SUCCESS that was last year’s Mostly Film Oscars liveblog, we’re back in a revised and updated incarnation, consisting of last year’s bloggers Concetta Sidoti and Laura Morgan, with bonus Y chromosomes provided by Victor Field and MF regular Niall Anderson. We’ll be providing incisive and penetrating commentary on the red carpet, the candidates, the ceremony and everything in between, always assuming we manage to stay awake. We have popcorn, beer, jelly beans and chocolate-covered raisins and right now we’re raring to go, so join us back here from 11pm for all the Oscars coverage you could possibly need, as long as all the Oscars coverage you could possibly need consists of commentary from four people watching on a slight delay.

Your hosts for tonight:

Concetta Sidoti is a journalist who tweets as @concettasidoti. Victor Field is 43 years old, not looking forward to seeing Adele’s mug all over the tabloids if she wins, and tangling with a bizarre attraction to Jessica Chastain. Laura Morgan tweets as @elsie_em and blogs at gladallover.net, where she has recently made her own Oscars predictions. She rather likes Adele’s mug and is looking forward to seeing it later. Niall Anderson is a drinker, a good fellow, a story-teller, somebody’s secretary, something in a distillery, a tax-gatherer, a bankrupt and at present a praiser of his own past.

Once again we’ll be playing Oscars Bingo, and this year we want one of each of the following:

A woman in trousers

A man in anything other than a black tux

A crazily awkward red carpet moment

A cutesy shot of Emmanuelle Riva and Quvenzhané Wallis together

A winner crying on stage

A losing nominee smiling unconvincingly

The Samuel L Jackson award for the first clearly pissed off losing nominee

The most clearly unwelcome long acceptance speech from a winner in a technical category

Laura: Good evening. I’ve installed myself on the sofa with the laptop, the iPad, a bottle of cola flavoured branded soft drink and a mountain of snacks. I’m playing red carpet bingo and I’m looking out for one of each of the following:

A dress that makes the wearer look naked from a distance
A flashed nipple (male or female)
A gravitationally improbable hairstyle
A nominee being effortlessly outshone on the red carpet by their other half (Brad Pitt is the obvious candidate here, but I’m always open to surprises)
A dress that in any other context would be a wedding dress

Please shout in the comments if you spot one or more of these before I do.

Red carpet news so far is that Berenice Bejo and Milla Jovovich will both be wearing Elie Saab, I’ve seen Jovovich, a fishtail one (exaggerated) shoulder number, with a subtle white/metallic sequin sparkle.

Penelope Ann Miller is in halter neck pastel pink with subtle sparkle too. So far bang on trend, with metallic shimmer and pastels.

Tonight Mostly Film goes live-action, and our all-women team will be commenting on the red carpet action and the Oscars ceremony.

The red carpet coverage will start from 11.30pm GMT and the Oscars ceremony from 1.30am GMT.

The MostlyFilm Oscars livebloggers are Laura Morgan, Concetta Sidoti and Tindara Sidoti-McNary. Editing, updating, and making virtual cups of tea (or, since the ceremony starts at one-thirty London time, maybe something stronger) is Josephine Grahl.