Battling with BPD, A toddler and life. Feel free to follow my not so private online journal !

Looks like I’m having surgery!

I don’t know if I have previously done a post on this or not but I will explain a little about why I am having to have surgery.

I am going to be having surgery on my nose as I have a deviated septum which means instead of the cartilage in my nose being straight like it should be mine is bent and no before you start judging me although it is generally caused by snorting cocaine mine isn’t!mine is caused by trauma to my nose and it cannot be fixed without having surgery.

The reason I am having this surgery is because I can’t breathe through my left nostril at all which isn’t ideal but unfortunately I don’t get a nose job lol it will just be surgery to fix the nose inside not the look of it on the outside I just hope they don’t fuck up and mess my nose up but according to the doctor I shouldn’t get black eyes as my nose is technically already broken they are mending it not breaking it but I will believe that when I see it!

The thing is I’m not scared about the surgery it’s the needle that they will use to put me to sleep I am worried about as I have to be totally under for them to preform the surgery also I’m scared about being in the hospital alone that is a big trigger for me.

I think the reason I’m not scared of having surgery is because I’m not afraid to die and after years of self harming I’m not afraid of pain either so I’m not worried about that side of things… well not at the moment until the actual surgery date comes through but even then unless my little brain twists it all and makes me petrified of the surgery I’m not concerned at all I just want it over and done with to be honest. The sooner the better in my eyes.

I will be limited in what I can do after the surgery for two weeks and I can’t be around groups of people for two weeks either to avoid infection (which is such a shame as you know me I love being around groups of people 🤣🤣)

So thats all the information I have right now on this situation but I will update you when I have more information! I’m sure you can’t wait for that post 🤣🤣