verba morientes - dying words.

Title: Citylights (Yesung's Nu Abo - Spin-Off)Length: Oneshot (Spin-Off)Rating: NC-17Pairing: Yesung x Siwon; former!Yesung x Donghae & former!Siwon x Girlfriend (both hinted); Yesung x Heechul (mentioned?)Genre: Angst, Smut, RomanceWords: 2.871Summary: Siwon had been a cowardly person. But when he finally decides to confess, it's almost as if he's too late. And he decides he needs to make Yesung his. So that himself can finally be Yesung's, also.A/N: This can be seen as the Spin-Off from my story "Yesung's Nu Abo", but it's just fine to read it without knowing the story, too.

It was so damn hard to understand … or no, rather bear with this situation.Siwon gulped. The night view from the rooftop of his house was gorgeous; the lights of Seoul probably making the city a light bulb, when seen from the outer space.

His feet dangled in the air, while the tall man stared down at the city lights. If only he'd try to understand. Or notice. The 'he' Siwon was referring to: Jongwoon. His band member Yesung. The man who had the power to make people come, just with his voice. And the one whom he, Siwon, loved since years. Not ever since they met, no.

_________

When they first met, Jongwoon was probably the most popular boy in whole Cheonan. Siwon lived with his friend Jay Kim; they knew each other from the holiday Siwon was in California. So when Jay came to South Korea a few months later and invited Siwon, of course he came.

It must have been just a couple of days he was in the city until he saw Jongwoon for the first time, quite a bunch of people around him – some talking and accompanying while he strutted down the pavement, some just trailing behind. They all obviously came from school, although Siwon saw some different uniforms under the few. »This is apparently the guy with everything all people adore. He seems to be famous as an Uljjang, and as a great singer on top of that. Kim Jongwoon, if I'm not mistaken.«, Jay had told him, amused.

Siwon was a bit suspicious in the beginning. But he soon learned this guy was mad friendly, as well as his family. They happened to meet at the school gate. Jongwoon introduced himself – oddly calm and not one spark of arrogance – and welcomed him, asked him why he was in Cheonan.

A few days after, they met again, at a café. They learned that they both were trainees in SM Entertainment, even if Siwon intended to be a priest and Jongwoon wanted to be a designer. They grew closer, came to be friends, met quite often.

Until Siwon vanished from Cheonan without saying anything.

_________

He knows that Jongwoon was hurt after he left without a word. He knows Jongwoon had chosen him as a really good friend; he treated the younger just as if he was his brother besides Jongjin. Jongwoon once told him that he really had been hurt. Siwon won't ever forget how his band member looked at the ground, suppressing something and refraining himself from saying anything.

Siwon's eyes had adjusted to the bright city lights. Maybe to the time of their first encounter, Jongwoon had thought of him as something more. Maybe it was just his illusion – but it was possible. It's not as if that would mean anything.

When they were put into Super Junior 05 together, they first still disliked each other – maybe it was even added that Yesung was furious everybody got more attention than him. But they got closer again; over the time, Yesung developed to be the calm, but active, caring and sexy person he was. Siwon built muscles and his reputation as not only the body, but christian of Super Junior.

Yesung was a good christian too. He didn't show it as much as Siwon, but still, he was. For some time while the second album, they had bible lessons with each other. For that, they were considered friends again. Leeteuk was extremely relieved they were on good terms again. Their fan service was rare, whatsoever. The fans liked Siwon better with Hangeng and Heechul, and Yesung with Ryeowook.

They were fine with that. Well, until 2008.

__________

Siwon didn't know when he realized how he felt for Jongwoon. Maybe it was after Donghae and Yesung announced they were together. Seeing them, sleeping peacefully with Yesung's head almost rolling off Donghae's shoulder and the latter's nose nuzzled in the elder's hair… it made him realize he wanted to be the one on Yesung's side.

But that was a sin, man-man relationships. Siwon never considered himself as a sinner, and he wanted to stay that way. If his band members chose to think they were in love with each other … because that couldn't be. They probably just felt lonely and read too much fanfiction. Just like himself.

He looked out of the hotel's window; it rained, heavily. With a grunt, Siwon stood up and left the room he shared with Hangeng. When he entered the corridor, he saw Donghae and Yesung there, kissing. He didn't like it one bit. There was anger boiling in his stomach, and he stomped over to them. »What if any fan finds us here, despite all the security and so on? Better do these things in your room, I don't want to be called gay just because they two men of the band kissing like mad.«

And away he stomped; he could feel their uncertainty. They didn't know what happened to him, because usually, he wasn't that fierce, rather soft begging people to do something instead of commanding them. But they obeyed anyway since Siwon had been right.

When the tall man entered the dining room of their floor in the hotel, he saw Hangeng there, with Heechul. Quickly, he exited again, before they could notice him.

Siwon sighed, slipping down the wall in a lonely corner, ruffling his own hair. It was like the biggest dilemma.

___________

The breeze threaded through his black hair like lover's fingers; sometimes Siwon wished this never happened. This all. Maybe his life. It was hard, doing all the things the people wanted him to do. But it was his life, if he wanted it to change he'd need to change it by himself – that was what his brother told him. Of course. But easier said than done.

This time, he had a girlfriend. He didn't love her, but she didn't care about that – being with him seemed enough. And for him, it was enough to have an alibi. When Yesung and Donghae split up, Siwon was strangely relieved, he dumped his girlfriend, too. Although it kind of annoyed him the two still behaved like best friends or such. But he didn't say anything; instead, he enjoyed the time Yesung spent with him again.

It must have been during "Sorry Sorry" period when it happened for the first time. They had sex – the idea animated by Yesung. Siwon still knew everything that happened as if it was yesterday. It had not been an act of love, but rather satisfying physical needs. Just like friends with benefits.

Ever since then, they regularly met for this. Yesung mostly was careless, Siwon the caretaker. And: Yesung didn't appear to love Siwon back, or know that Siwon loved him. He thought the best way to keep Yesung was to just keep quiet over this love. If the elder would turn him down and leave him, he wouldn't know what to do – he thought.

Maybe it was time to change. To change his life. A bit shaking, Siwon stood up and balanced on the edge of the rooftop, spreading his arms wide and looking into the stars peppered sky. He imagined jumping. Would it help?

The answer was: no. Siwon had to fight. Finally.

___________

As soon as he unlocked the door of the eleventh floor, Siwon heard strange noises. Skin clashing, deep breathing, slight moans and occasional bumps. Quite obvious what was happening right now. He wasn't a voyeurist, but he had to find out where that noises came from.

And the worst case happened: Yesung was involved. Like a bad drama. Siwon thought humourlessly while watching him and Heechul kissing like mad, both in the progress of undressing. The tall man stood frozen to the spot, staring at them making out like ravishing each other. He didn't know this. He didn't know these two had something going on.

That was when he snapped. He waited for years, waited for Yesung – and Heechul was just someone who tried to find another solution since Hangeng was gone. That's too much. He saw red.

Yesung just watched them; Heechul frowned at Siwon. »Why should I? It's not as if he's yours.« The brown haired man attempted to wriggle free from Siwon's grip and failed. On the contrary, the latter just pinned Heechul on the wall, his hand around the other's neck. »He. Is. Mine.«, he then breathed, threatingly glaring at the elder. Only when Yesung gripped his arm and pulled him away from Heechul, he let him go.

Instead, Siwon now grabbed Yesung and stole a kiss from him – rough, teeth, tongue, branding Yesung as his. He only stopped when the elder pushed him away and panted for air. »Siwon, are you drunk? What's with you?«, he asked concerned. He's so cute… Siwon stroked the cheek of Yesung. »No. I just finally realized. You're mine.«

Nobody of the two realized how Heechul left, slightly grinning in delight – they were too focused on attacking and defending. Siwon attacked Yesung with more kisses, the latter had enough to do with trying to keep his mind and not be raped. Or so. He was Siwon's? Since when? He tried finding an answer in Siwon's eyes, attempted to ask him.

But he was distracted when the younger just lifted him off the ground and only stopped when they stood just before Yesung's bed. He dropped the lead singer and made quick work of the other's pants and underwear, exposing him. Siwon really wasn't in the mood to take his time, so he just ripped his own clothed off, too.

»Siwon! Why?« Yesung still seemed not convinced, maybe even a bit scared, but certainly surprised. Usually, Siwon was all gentle. What happened to him? For a short moment, Siwon stood there and admired the view of Yesung, splayed out on the bed. Then, he crawled on top of the elder and proceeded to mark him – give him love bites all over.

»Mine, mine, mine.«, he murmured in between like a mantra and Yesung actually wondered if Siwon had gone mad. But when the black haired man nibbled on the sensitive skin of the birthmark on his stomach, his breath ragged. If you want to have something, take it. Make it yours… Right, right. Mine.., thought Siwon, smirking when he felt the irregular breathing of his crush.

Briskly, the bigger man got up and came back with a black tube – he knew where Yesung stacked his toys. Pouring out a generous amount, Siwon messed a bit with painting the inner thighs of his victim with the red-coloured lube, enjoying the sweet little noises the petite man beneath him let out.

He leaned in and once again ravished Yesung's already red lips while inserting one lube-coated finger, pushing through the tight ring of muscles. Instinctively, he slowed down a bit and gulped the other man's whimper when another finger joined, massaging and preparing. »I don't like getting no answers!«, Yesung finally snapped when he pushed Siwon away slightly.

Siwon froze for one moment, giving his lover a pensive look. »I know. Yet, you're mine, I won't accept if there's anyone beside me for you. I waited for too long.« Yesung was too confused to realize how the stretching ended and he suddenly was brought into position by the stronger man.

The puzzlement was clearly displayed in the elder's face, but it quickly disappeared when Siwon was there, inside him, filling him out and making him gasp. »Waited… for too long?«, the man beneath then stuttered, his voice suddenly slipping one octave down.

»Yes.«, Siwon confirmed and threw his head back when the other's hips bucked up hard in search for friction, movement. »Fuck! You can't do that!«, he growled, holding the writhing hips down and leaning down again, biting Yesung's upper lip. When he was sure the man wouldn't try to 'betray' this game again, he wasn't that rough anymore, instead, he let his hands roam over the soft skin of his lover, heading to the south.

Yesung began to like this unordinary Siwon. He lifted his arms and hooked his hands in the back of the other's neck, pulling him down a bit and demanded a kiss. The younger man slowly pulled out until only the tip of his dick remained in the tight hole, arching his back in a fascinating curve – Yesung felt the muscles of the man contract under his fingers when he ran his hand over Siwon's back.

Smooth, the tall man thrusted back in wholly and simultaneously gave the lead singer's half limp member a few thrusts, succeeding in arousing it completely and making Yesung gasp. »Go … on.«, the latter hissed through clenched teeth, putting his ridiculously short fingers onto Siwon's stomach and chest to feel his muscles, his heartbeat – faster than normal.

They both liked the feeling of all this so much. Although Siwon may have felt more – he wanted to take Yesung, make love to him.And the elder was completely focused on the damn maddening feeling of his lover's lithe thrusts, as well as the occasional tug on his hard member that already leaked a bit precum. When Siwon noticed that, he grinned wickedly, running one finger through the little trail of liquid and then put it in his mouth, sucking on the finger with half-lidded eyes.

For Yesung, it was too much sensation, combined with the feeling of Siwon constantly hitting on this particular sensitive bundle of nerves inside of him – the moan that escaped his lips was so deep, vocal and husky, that he almost drove Siwon over the edge, too. When the lead singer now bucked his hips up, Siwon didn't fight it, instead enjoyed it and picked up a faster pace, throwing his head back and pounding deeper into the man beneath him.

It was like he was on a countdown – when Yesung pulled his head down again and pushed the tongue through his lips, suddenly taking the control and contracting his muscles around Siwon's dick like a fist. That was too much for Siwon – he released himself into Yesung with one big, long moan that challenged Yesung's.

He pulled out and slipped onto the end of the bed, facing the still standing dick of his lover. »Jongwoon?«, Siwon asked softly and was answered with an indefinable nghhhhh from the other. »I love you. I want you to be mine, and I shall be yours.« Then, he engulfed the throbbing member before him with his mouth, gagging slightly when Jongwoon once again thrusted up, searching for the friction in this hot cavern.

Meanwhile, his brain was busy trying to sort out what Siwon had said. I love you. Was this a joke or for serious? In consideration of the fact how mad he reacted to Heechul earlier, this maybe was really serious.The train of Jongwoon's thoughts came to a halt, when a skilled tongue lapped out and encircled his dick, outlining the vein on the side with the tip of this particular tongue, then mocking the slit that leaked more precum now.

Jongwoon felt the blood in his body rush – he couldn't help but grab the slightly sweaty mass of hair down there, holding Siwon in place while he literally fucked his mouth sore. »Coming.«, he managed to hiss between grit teeth to warn Siwon. But the latter only stayed where he was, his desire to satisfy Jongwoon completely was huge. So he suppressed the gag when Jongwoon's member hit once again the back of his throat and bobbed his head up and down, adding slightly his teeth.

»OhmygoshI'mcomingsohardIfeellikefainting.« The words tumbled out of Jongwoon's mouth, broken by a particular long moan, and then a scream: »SHIT! ILOVEYOUTOO!« As he came, Siwon neatly swallowed all of the love juice and then lapped at the now shriveled dick. Jongwoon's head met the pillow and his breath came in ragged pants.

Siwon chuckled, looking at his lover and ran one finger over his sweaty thigh, but without saying anything. He crawled back right on the bed, lying beside Jongwoon and staring at him. He didn't know what to say. Was Jongwoon for real? Or was this just because of the sex? Lost in thought he jumped slightly when suddenly there was a weight on him, but he smiled.

Jongwoon nuzzled his head on the chest of Siwon and put one leg over the other's legs, successfully spooning him. »You could've told me earlier, you prick.« Siwon grinned brightly, hearing the obvious smile in his lover's voice. »I'm sorry.«, he then told him and chuckled slightly, now looking at the ceiling.

The smaller man lifted his head up and frowned at him, his eyes challenging and glittering with…lust? Again? »Show me you're sorry.« And within a second, the lead singer had nailed Siwon beneath him, straddling him. »I'm all willing to give you anything.«, Siwon then replied honestly, but smiling. This was going to last, he felt it.

____________________ end

A/N: I guess I have to explain a few things. For all people who didn't know: Jongwoon was born in Cheonan, a South Korean city. On his radio, "Miracle for you", he once said Siwon and him kinda met there? And Siwon lived with Jay Kim, also known as Typhoon, he's the lead singer of SME's band "The TRAX". Jay Kim lived in California, USA. I kind of guess that if Yesung wasn't telling "lies", Siwon and Jay knew each other either because of California or because they both speak good English.I chose to say Siwon and Jay knew each other from the time Siwon made holidays in California, and a few months later lived for some time with Jay, when the latter came to Cheonan.But of course I don't say anything of this might be right.I think I must thank YesungCenter for the translation of this particular episode of MFY. ^^

Basically: Jongwoon sort of really liked Siwon back in Cheonan. Then, years later, Yesung got together with Donghae (sorry, I like the idea of them very much.) and Siwon fell in love with him. Of course he wouldn't consider confessing, so he tried a relationship with a girl – there, he still thinks being gay could be a sin.When Yesung and Donghae split up, Siwon was relieved and dumped his gf also. But he still didn't consider confessing to Yesung. Although somehow, while "Sorry Sorry" period, they began to fuck. Yesung seems oblivious to Siwon's feelings, but Siwon might be a good actor.The night I'm writing of, Siwon realizes he can't go on like that. ♥

Thanks to yesungholic for the support and help ♥*stupid A/N is stupid*

ThanKyuuuuu~ for reading and commenting ♥I can't get over his fingers, too. I wonderedif his fingers were about as "long" as mine.It's hard to guess that X'D He should put thelength of his fingers in his profile X'DAnd he said it! ... XDThanKyu again ♥ Why are you thanking me?/confused XDWell. /hugs

omg! this had great smut AND was a great story plot!! I like the way they met and how their relationship progressed. I actually do believe they were closer before debut, I think Yesung's uncle said Yesung was closer to Siwon, but that was in 2005 i think and then there was that pre-debut yewon pic with the hearts and all xDalso omg yehae&heearts; i also like them too <3

Omg, thankyu~ ^^I'm glad I don't seem to have failed that much - I don't like writing plotless stories XDYeah ... I guess they were already pretty close predebut. XDBut it's not interesting if my story was all like happy-ever-since-whenever XDIt's so sad nobody seems to really ship them XD~/ships Yesung with everybody XD

SO GREAT!! I know Siwon appeared as the guest in MFY and during the hosting he was like kept smiling,(or trying to contain his laughs) when Yesung speaking... He's like so shy or something, maybe it was just me... Siwon is just always in super denial denial denial.

Yeah, they were really funny throughout the whole thing, and Yesung was all serious, while Siwon was all like Wut-am-I-supposed-to-do! XDI guess he is. XD But there are times he doesn't even try to XDThankyu~

i've watched it tooand I'm dying to knowwhat game Yehsung and Shiwonhad played back then.just as I'm dying withenvy on Shiwon here.lucky guy. hot sex.(and have you noticehow Shiwon and Yehsung werestaring at each other fora mo in the vid?and how Shiwon seems to bejealous with the mentionof Jejung and Yunho.)

wow it's so damn good *___* the smut and angst was so strong i really like this. definitely one of the greatest smut ever :Dand by accident, this is somehow connected with one of my stories. i think we're inspired by the same program: Yesung's MFY with Siwon.. i just wrote my fic in december 2011 and posted it in January. today i dug deep in miracle and found this... and i'm really surprised how we both used high sexual tension in both fic. perhaps that radio program was far too inspiring :)

this could be the BEST oneshot/angsty sort of/smut of Yewon i have ever read.. Yewon is destined.. maybe we were distracted by Hanchul/Kangteuk/Eunhae to realize how REAL they are.. i read somewhere that the REAL things sometimes need a very good observing eyes.. this makes ZERO sense i know lol anyhow this is EPIC really.. plz write more yewon :') thank u author *hugs*