It may sound funny, but really is an existential question that we all face. Where do we go when our bodies die?

As for me, I believe that who I really am, returns to my maker once my body dies. My stay here really is temporary.

Unfortunately, we live in a world that is full of darkness. A mountain of madness and a plethora of ugliness happens daily. All-over-the-world.

I am thankful though, that I have big shoulders to rest between. That place of rest is a place of provision and security. My maker remembers that I am but dust, and He is perfect in every way. He provides me with pockets of silence and peace amid all the chaos.

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You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless, until they can find rest in you. ~Augustine

I am very affected by climate changes. When it’s sunny and warm, I am happy and full of life. When it is cold and grey, I am lethargic and down. Actually, I get very depressed.

I love the quote above by Augustine. It reminds me that my deepest needs can not be met in the material, nor by me. It reminds me that I need to run to one that is greater than me.

This poem was birthed out of deep depression and great need. It reminds me of what King David wrote in the Psalms; “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?”

He spoke to his own soul; so I did the same. I went to the one that is higher than I and poured out my heart. And you know what? I found rest, comfort and reassurance. My mind was no longer playing tricks on me. I decided I was not going to be a prisoner to the screams in my mind and the tightness in my heart. That doesn’t mean that negative feelings never come back, but they can’t control me.

How do you deal with negative feelings?

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I find it amazing how we are all very individual and unique, yet at the same time we’re all the same. All of humanity searches for answers to the bigger questions of life. Questions with answers that oftentimes seem beyond our reach.

We also have the same needs and inner longings. One of them being the need to belong. Not just the need to belong to a community, or to be a part of something; but a need to belong to someone/thing. We ask, “Who am I?” and rarely, “Whose am I?”

I love this quote by St. Augustine:

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

A fellow blogger friend, ‘Rusty Foerger‘ posted something recently that made me think about this universal ‘sameness’. In his post he writes about a well-known Urdu poet, ‘Bulleh Shah‘, from the 16/1700s, and includes a music video by a popular Indian musician (Rabbi Shergill) that was based on his poetry.

We live in a fallen, fractured world of broken people and fragmented value systems. Some are fortunate enough to have a happy and healthy upbringing, but I would dare to say that they are in the minority.

I lived in fear of my dad, and don’t know what it means to have or feel affection towards him. I’m not one to lick past wounds and wallow in sorrow; however, I do recognize that our upbringing shapes us and makes us into who we eventually become as adults. For example, my mom used to make my brothers and me watch documentaries on what drugs can do to someone. I’m so glad she did, because although I dabbled in a little experimentation in my youth, drugs always frightened the heck out of me.

Another personal example, and as stated above, is that I grew up in fear of my dad. He was a broken alcoholic and had many unhealthy issues that were never dealt with. Because of that, my childhood was robbed from me. Because of that, my idea of family was distorted and messed up.

I have worked on finding healing in this area. When I was a fairly new Christian, I would leave for work in the morning at peace, after spending some quiet time with God. By the time I got home, I was full of anxiety. When I felt anxious, I always thought I was doing something that God didn’t approve of. One day He showed me that I feared him the way I feared my dad, and that was revelatory for me.

How about you? Do you believe that we live in a broken world? Do you think that our upbringing makes a huge difference on our emotional and mental well-being?

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One of the definitions of security is “feeling safe, stable, and free from fear or anxiety.”

How secure are you in who you are? I used to be very insecure. A lot of that came out of my childhood, and living with an alcoholic father that I feared constantly.

Today though, I am secure. I have a great husband and two beautiful children that are healthy and happy. I live in a warm sunny place that does wonders for the serotonin levels in my brain. I have a roof over my head, friends and faith. I also have purpose and peace in my heart.

Even though I am no longer a spring chicken, and the days of my youth have passed, I’m ok with that. No problem at all. My security and contentment do not rest in what others make of me. My importance isn’t in how I look or what I can do. It lies in something far deeper than passing things. It lies in something eternal.

Do you struggle with insecurity? Are you content with who you are? Where does your worth and security lie?

Have you ever seen a crimson rose? I have only seen them in photos, but never in real life. They are beautiful and have a deep, rich color. So deep that sometimes they can even resemble the color of blood.

It’s meaning is two-way, signifying loss, death and mourning, as well as rebirth and love. It makes me think of a love that is committed and passionate. One that is willing to sacrifice for the good of another. One that is even willing to die for another. This type of love is a rare and beautiful thing.