Category Archives: woman

She’d spent the better part of almost 2 years mourning. Like the old dog in China who hadn’t left his deceased Masters grave in over a period of about 6 years, she mourned. It was quite pitiful, but even more so, because she couldn’t even claim the protective instinct of a simple, faithful, old dog. She was a human being Dammit, and if she didn’t do something about the things in which she was (or was not) currently doing, she would soon forget it, and so would everyone else.

There were still a few folks that hadn’t YET, completely forgotten about her, in fact, from time to time, she preferably thought of these individuals as friends. However, there were some that could now, simply be marked off as former acquaintances as during her mourning, they had fallen off by the wayside, and could no longer be called upon. This, though, was not the time to let one’s mind linger upon them.

THIS, was a time of decision, and the decision to make would be simple. Was she going to continue to live her life mourning over what was, OR was she going to now live and rejoice in what would be sure to come???

“While it is possible to live vainly in the memories of the past, one must also realize that the currents of life do constantly move forward with or without the consent of those who choose to acknowledge and live in it…

Though understandably basking in the familiarity of what is already known and experienced can be soothing, it should also be understood that what is missed by not experiencing the things that could have (and very well should have) been experienced can be damaging. In life, there are some things that we are very well meant to be exposed to, but having that thing called ‘free will’ at times hinders us, and that, my friend, (although a great option to have) is not always a good thing.

Free will however, does also enable us to make the choice to continue to lie in yesterday and soak up the misery or memories, or make the choice to finally “Wake Up And Get Down!” “

Isn’t it funny how we as individuals,can come up with prejudices about whole groups of people or things in which we ‘unknowingly’ don’t understand?

As it was just yesterday, that I was sitting here, on the PC as I am doing now, laughing my ass off with tears rolling down my eyes at the post that was being written about my very good friend (we’ll call him “Aluta”), who I’ll mention, is from Ghana, West Africa, one of the main ports in which African slaves were kidnapped from and brought here to the America’s. The people that live there now could very likely be distant relatives to the African Americans that I am descended from, associate with, and live among.

You see, “Aluta” and I belong to a “Special Interest Group” and they actually thought that he might be a homosexual!!! Not saying anything against the LGBT Community but plainly and specifically speaking against the presupposition’s that people make.

Here’s the thing, “Aluta’s” “American English” and understanding of it is a bit different. In the area which he was raised, he was taught to speak “British English” (also commonly known as “The Queens English”). As one should know, there are certain words, terminologies, analogies, and metaphors, that mean completely different things when spoken by a North American to a British Citizen, and vice-verse.

When I told him about the things that were being said about him (albeit, funny as hell simply because his words were misconstrued and misunderstood), he was appalled! As in Ghana, there is (for real) no such thing as being professedly, “GAY” and living a long life to tell about it. As in truth, your family, might be one of the first to String you from a tree!

GHANA is obviously NOT AMERICA & is profoundly different with the acceptance of the things in which the United States ‘outwardly’ pride themselves on not condemning.

It is an embarrassment for an entire family to have even one member be perceived as being “gay”. It speaks volumes that resonate throughout the entire Ghanaian Community. Also, It is not thought of as being “funny”, “freaky” or being on the “DL (Down Low)” to see two Men or Women stand in very close proximity to one another, nor is the draping of someone with their arm around the neck of someone else as a conversation is being had. People shower AND Breastfeed their babies, without feeling inhibited, and in some areas it is even acceptable to walk around without clothing to cover parts in which the American culture dare not publicly expose.

I know, that other misconceptions have been made about other people concerning things from sexuality, religion, political affiliation, race, gender, and a wide array of other things, amongst people in which the majority of us share our recent culture and history, simply based on a misunderstanding.

It is the reason that I feel the need to write this post. Prejudice’s to me, are very real and prevalent but are more often than not~ petty, simple minded and just plain wrong. We, each and every one of us, are ALL INDIVIDUALS. and do things that are unlike anyone else. Does that make either you or I inferior to another? I think, No, I KNOW, that it does not!

Stupid prejudice’s cause a wide array of unnecessary dysfunction, whereas if we took just an extra moment or two to ask questions, and attempt to understand another’s frame of mind, then we possibly answer the Late Rodney Kings question: “Can’t We All Just Get Along?”, with an Affirmative. “YES”!

I implore you all to please open one eyes, mind, heart and ears before opening our mouths (or in some cases typing with our fingers out into cyberspace) words, that can NEVER be taken back.

As it is, “When we make attempts to ill- perceive that we often make an ASS out of U and ME. (ASSUME)

BEING A WOMAN… has to be one of God’s most challenging roles. From the moment Eve took the first bite from that apple, we have truly carried the weight of the world on our shoulders.

Men look at us and say that they are the ones, cursed by God, with hard labor. I say, though the words are true, how many men truly follow through with the action???

From the moment we recognized our nakedness, we were damned! Do you think that Eve looked at her body and said… “Wow! I am perfect”? I think not! At the time that she exchanged her first words to Satan and followed his advice, she began to fail to see the exquisiteness of God’s creation. After this, her body became less and less the classic example of perfection and has diminished to what we have today.

Now, we attempt to beautify, our bodies with makeup that ruin our skin, fake hair that pulls out our own, acrylic that weaken our nails, and eyelashes that when loosened will irritate the hell out of you. We color our eyes with contacts, and many times end up with an eye infection and we attempt to painfully contort our bodies to fit “THE IMAGE!” What image? (you may ask) And I’ll answer, “I honestly don’t know! I don’t think any of us really do!”

Contrary to what this sounds like, this is not a rant meant to influence women to change their ways or their attempts at perfection. It is however, something much more…. Please read on.

To talk about how hard it is to be a woman, to speak of raising kids, to comment on how it is to be a wife or to be single, to speak about the trials of working and maintaining a home, or to speak about how men don’t understand us would be redundant. Therefore, it is not my goal to waste your time or mine with repetitive words that we’ve all spoken amongst ourselves, and will undoubtedly hear again.

Instead, my goal is to remind you, how wonderfully amazing, the girl, the female, the woman, the double X chromosome, really is!

Do me a favor… Take a moment for yourself, go somewhere where there is a mirror, and you can be alone. (For the guys, when the female you are with is ready take a look at her and follow these same steps~ when/if she allows you to) Free yourself from all that binds you (yes, that means take off your clothes!) Look yourself directly in the eye, and slowly inhale, then exhale. Inadvertently, your eyes will drop down to the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest. Inside beats the heart of courage, and strength, and within those depths exists life itself, this is your essence! Because, of this heart you have been given absolute power. You have the ability to create life, sustain life, connect the past to the present, and connect the present to the future. With this heart you have the ability to power your mind.

Your mind gives you the ability to conspire and inspire, and with your mind your mouth and your hands have the ability to move. You can and will impart knowledge, speak of peace and love, initiate happiness, or cause great pain. You can be vivacious and full of sass, or you can be quiet and seductive.

Your hands have the ability to heal a sick child or friend, to impart meaning with words unspoken. You can cause your significant other to feel a great deal of pleasure OR by applying the right pressure to the right parts, you can incense them with your wrath (lol) causing a sensation of complete distress unlike any other. (not recommended) You, WOMAN hold the capability to make others feel great love for you or be the cause of your own dismissal. You can be admired or abhorred.

Now put your hand over or under your left chest (depending on how far your boobs sag) and feel the strength, the intensity, of all of your virtue, beating just underneath. THIS is your source, your essence.

Now, (for those who aren’t prudish) take a look at that triangle between your thighs, (now I know some of y’all out there thighs kind of cover up the place that I’m talking about, and some of you others have stomachs that overlap.., lol but you know what’s there) Realize this, there is no woman on this earth who was born absent of this part. What it can do, has been, can, and will be done again, by all of the women before you and all that come after. Contrary to what you may have heard, this place is NOT what defines you. This place is just a detail in your anatomy, it holds no real resource, it holds no real meaning, because without your heart, it just becomes a cold, barren, orifice. ( & Unless you have the misfortune of meeting a Necrophiliac, It becomes meaningless.)

Understand this, contrary to what you have been told. You with all your imperfections, your stretch marks, your rolls, your dents, your moles or beauty marks, your dimples, your coloration, your size, your height, all combined, make ONE PERFECT YOU! Realize your power, own it, be it. Remember girl, that you are one Hell of an individual. Although everyday may not be a sweet sample of faultlessness, remember nevertheless, that you are.

Your power is in your heart girl! Do with it what you must, but take it all in Stride.

I have a very good friend. He’s been married once, and has had his heart-broken several times. Never, could I understand what the problem was when his seemingly “good” relationships all too suddenly, failed. I mean, here was a man who truly loved intently. A man who loved with every fiber of his being. A man who loved with all of his heart. I mean, when this man entered a relationship with a woman he gave of himself wholly. I used to be envious of this type of love, often wishing that someone would love ME like that.

My experiences with love were quite different. I seemed to be the type that always attracted the real Jack@$$#$, A$$#@!E$, and other, stronger, expletives. The type of guys who were interested in themselves, consumed by unimportant thrills, had no potential, and worth absolutely nothing. The worst thing about these situations, though, was that I LOVED THEM!!!

I used to cry to my friend, (the one previously mentioned) with all too real, tears streaming down my face.
I’d ask him to please explain to me what it was that I lacked? What was I doing wrong? & Why, oh why, could I not find true love? (I know, I know, me going to him for the answers seems akin to me talking to myself cause he couldn’t figure out the reasons behind the challenges in his own love life) It turns out though, that sometimes out of unexpected situations and conversations, real revelations can, and often do, arise.

During one of our many conversations about a broken heart I’d recently acquired from a guy who I felt (at that time) was the love of my life. My friend, (whom I have sworn since the beginning of our friendship is destined to be a powerful minister) read to me these words from the scripture Psalm 27:2“When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell.” ~This is a day in which I will never forget, because even though I do not know if there was a specific road he was going to lead me down with his quotation of these holy words I do know that it was the paramount moment in which I received a major epiphany about myself.

I realized that I kept giving myself to those who were seriously questionable in deserving my affection, and because of this I constantly stumbled. I opened my heart and gave it wholly, even to the point that I put my desires for reciprocated affection before God himself. This is the moment in which I fell (emotionally, spiritually, physically). I…. was… my own…. enemy.

Whoa! Hold up! How can that be??? You may be asking yourself these very questions, therefore I will be more than happy to elaborate.

Have you ever heard the saying, “When you lie down with dogs, you can’t help but to catch fleas?” Well, that should explain to you what happened to me and where I was coming from. I’d spent so much time wanting a “dog” to lick my face and tell me that “he” was so happy that I was in their life that I allowed myself to become infested with fleas of unhappiness. For it is when you force yourself upon something that is truly not meant to be yours, you face repercussions.

There are things that reveal themselves to you in simple moments…. such as a phone call from you to the one you desire, sent straight to voice mail. A holiday in which you’ve spent hours shopping for the perfect gift only to receive nothing in return. The ignored attempts at affection,compiled with tears flowing down your face from a heart so heavy that it pulls at your eyes, or the complete loss of respect for yourself.

Then, there are the Epic moments in which your foolish ways are brought to light… Such as the day you find the love of your life loving another the way you wanted them to love you, the disrespectful manner in which they speak to you, the giving of attention from them to you for their own physical satisfaction, obvious emotional abuses, and possibly even (God forbid) physical abuse.

Still, at times, you long for this person who has treated you in such a manner and as sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west you eventually have to look yourself in the mirror and DECIDE FOR YOURSELF…. WHAT DO YOU DESERVE?…. WHO DESERVES YOU?

It may take a while, but hopefully, eventually, one realizes that pinning after a specific person who does not feel the same way about you is a route in which one must not allow themselves to travel. In fact, if you are receiving the love in which you deserve, you won’t ever have to ‘pine’ after him or her. For that person would do anything for you to innately know that their heart desires you and only you.

The other day, I just happened to be in the presence of a couple who were joking with each other about who was going to pay for a meal at a restaurant in which they were attending with one another. The guy (again jokingly) told the girl that she “better start to look under the seats for lost change because he had enough to pay for his own but he wasn’t quite so sure about her”.~ Upon hearing this, I interjected an “Oooh, you know you aren’t right!” He laughed with a twinkle in his eye, looked at his love and said to me, “She knows I am just kidding, I would give my baby my last nickel, you hear me? I’d give her my last!” I smiled and told him how very sweet his words were, and just being in such close proximity to the two of them I felt that the words he had just spoken were nothing less than the absolute truth.

After witnessing something like that, one can’t help but to wonder about their own lives and the relationships that one is in. Am I the love of my life’s, love of his life? Would he give me his last, would I give him mine? If he (God forbid) was rendered incapable of doing all the things in which he can currently do, would I still be in love with him? Would my heart and mind want nothing less than the best for him? Would I want to provide for him financially, physically, mentally? Would he do the same for me?

Those are questions in which it seems any mature person would learn to ask of themselves. The time in which one should spend being happy in this life, is unfortunately overshadowed with much unhappiness. It seems true, that in order to appreciate the sunshine, you have to tread through a couple of storms. However, eventually, there comes a time in which one MUST learn. We all want to live long, healthy, happy, comfortable lives, but we also need to realize that life is far too short to spend in misery. “When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man (or woman) I put away childish things.“(1 Corinthians 13:11)

We grow in more ways than one, and there comes a moment that if you’ve been sick and tired of being sick and tired, you get up and do something about it.

As an amazing individual, you deserve someone who is equally amazing. If, at this point of time in your life, you are with someone who does not truly fulfill all the requirements AND reciprocates them towards you, then… it may be time, to let it go, and start all over. In order for someone to appreciate, recognize, and respect, your worth, you must appreciate, recognize, and respect it in yourself first!

What do you deserve?… Who deserves you? There’s only one person that can truly answer these questions and that person is…….

P.S~ Oh, and about that friend of mine. He finally found a lovely woman who gives him everything that he gives her, I can feel it when witnessing the two of them together. I can see it even in pictures, and I just know in my heart, without a shadow of a doubt, that this time, he has the woman that he has long searched for and who he is so obviously deserving of. … His SOUL MATE, in fact, they are due to be married this upcoming summer. ~ Congratulations R & A! Your relationship serves as inspiration for many.