This blog is my look at movies, pop culture and entertainment. It’s a blog by the people that speaks for the people who love entertainment. I love to write and to share my opinion. Hope you enjoy what I have to say.

Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate..

10 Worst Movies

Every movie lover has list “worst movies”. They bring those movies up anytime someone mentions a bad movie – “Have you seen (fill in the crappy movie)? It SUCKS! Don’t waste your time.” As terrible as they are, they hold a special place in our hearts. Maybe it’s all the anger they bring out of us.

I will admit that these movies aren’t equally as bad. Some stink more than others. I have them broken down into three categories.

Category 1: If I watch Zombie Ninja Cheerleaders Fight Back or BET Cinema Classic Hood Ratz, I can assume it’s going to suck. You tell your friends it’s so bad, but they have to watch it. Any B movie belongs in this group.

Category 2: I’ll use Angel Eyes as an example. Two well known actors/actresses, seems like an ok movie, they both talk up the movie at the press junkets, but secretly the movie sucks. Anyone involved in the movie would like to have it stricken from their IMDB page. I think they should treat these people like felons. You should be obligated to mention your stink bombs while promoting your next movie.

Category 3: This is by far the most heinous of all. We saw a taste of Category 3 this summer with X-Men Origins: Wolverine. It may not actually be the worst movie you’ve ever seen. The reason it feels like the worst movie is because of all the hype attached to it. All the magazine articles, blogs, 7-11 promotions means nothing when you drop your $11 at a midnight show (yes I’m still bitter). It feels like you were robbed at box office you know what I mean.

Here is a list in no particular order…………………..

10. Awake (Terrance Howard, Jessica Alba) – This movie about a guy who undergoes a delicate heart surgery. After receiving the wrong dosage of medication, he feel the pain of having his chest cut open AND he hears the doctors devilish plot to let him die in surgery. Seem farfetched? What’s even more farfetched is believing Jessica Alba is an actress after watching this movie.

Somehow we are supposed to believe the main character is trapped in a nightmare. The only nightmarish thing about this movie is the acting. I’m still mad at Terrance Howard for even being part of this movie.

The end is so over the top it killed me. Those almost dead moments with his mom are classically bad. – Category 2

9. Beverly Hills Cop 3 (Eddie Murphy). What makes this movie bad is that Beverly Hills Cop 1 & 2 are good. I don’t even want to go into the details of this movie because it sucked so bad. Let’s just say Axel Foley spent way too much time at an amusement park. You can see Eddie isn’t even engaged in the movie. I need to find out how much he got paid for this movie. I think this bomb is what’s stopping Eddie from doing Beverly Hills Cop 4. – Category 3

8. Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End (Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom) If I ever meet Johnny Depp I will give the dap/half hug for making Public Enemies and then knee him directly in the jewels for making this movie (yes all in one motion). One of my good friends E loves these movies. We decided to go see At Worlds End. Not only did I almost fall asleep twice, I had no idea what the movie was about. It seemed to be headed in every direction. E tried to convince me the movie was good so I asked him to explain the plot. He needed to explain to me why I shouldn’t storm up there and get my money back. I would need a flow chart to explain everything that happened. I remember thinking “this is stupid” when it first started and the movie never got any better.

People who like this movie are in denial. They only like it because they liked the first two. It’s like that cute girl in high school who everybody liked. Only now it’s six years later and she has four kids and five chins. Somehow you talk yourself into her being cute because you stare at her old yearbook picture. – Category 3

7. Hitman – (Timothy Olyphant) WOW did this movie stink. I got a text from a friend that read “Just saw Hitman. The worst movie ever.” I thought that was pretty harsh until I actually watched it myself. This film is based on a video game with the same name. The movie surrounds a “family” of hitmen who live by a code and blah blah blah. Of course the main character decides to go against the code and now we have a two hour movie. It’s not a good sign if I’m watching a movie and thinking “I wonder what’s on the Food Network.” Someone had to know this movie was nauseating while they were making it. If you haven’t seen it, I’m sure you can find it in your $1 bin at your local video store. – Category 2

6. Freddy Got Fingered (Tom Green) The lesson here: If you have a popular show on MTV they will let you make a movie now matter how dumb it is. This movie makes absolutely no sense. There are two this-is-so-stupid-I-have-to-laugh moments. Sorry Tom Green, not nearly enough to make up for the other 116 minutes of garbage. This may have killed Tom Green’s career. He went from having a top rated show on MTV to having a cameo on For the Love of Ray J. He needs a True Hollywood Story to explain to me what happened to Tom Green. The sad thing is one of my friends actually owns this movie. He spent his hard earned government dollars on the DVD. This is the same friend who said he could go 3 rounds with Manny Pacquoai. I’m concerned about his mental state. – Category 1 & 2

5. Troll 2 (Michael Stephenson) Why was there a need to make a 2nd movie? The first Troll was borderline ridiculous. If you google “worst movies” you’ll see Troll 2 on most list. This is clearly a B movie. I added it to the list because so many people mentioned it. I would love to see a DVD commentary the writer pitching this movie to the studio. He must have had a convincing argument or some convincing blackmail photos. – Category 1

4. Gigli – (Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck) – This movie was doomed from the beginning. Three things made this movie the perfect Barf Burger :

1) This was when 70% of America was getting tired of J-Lo. Her approval rating was somewhere in the mid to low teens when this movie was made.

2) The term “bad plot” gets thrown around a lot. In this instance it was really warranted. My nephew could write a better script and he’s 2.

3) None of the characters in this movie were believable. Not a single one. Gigli was a train wreck from the start. – Category 2 & 3

3. Ballistic: Ecks v. Sever (Lucy Liu, Antonio Banderas) I hated this movie. I’m not sure why it made me so angry but it did. stupid name, stupid plot, not nearly enough action. It sounds more like an old Sega Genesis video game than a movie. – Category 2

2. Showgirls (Elizabeth Berkley, Gina Gershon) – Most people have this movie on their list. This is not a coincidence………….Showgirls is a rotten piece of film. Just overall bad. Not like Michael Jackson Bad. I’m talking Jermaine Jackson bad. If you make a movie and not even gratuitous nudity can save it, you know it’s bad. I’m not sure what Elizabeth thought her post Save By the Bell career was going to be. Mr. Belding could not have been happy with her performance. I’m sure she never thought it would start and end with Showgirls. I got this e-mail from one of my readers named Matt :

Showgirls. I’m not saying it’s the worst movie ever. The nudity saves it from that distinction. But it is the only movie I’ve ever walked out on twice. My buddy and I went to see it (for the nudity) at a mall/cinema but it was so unwatchable, we walked out. We strolled around the mall for a bit, but that was so boring and pathetic we decided to give the movie another try. 15 minutes later we walked out again.

– Category 2

1. From Justin to Kelly (Justin, Kelly Clarkson) I remember when this movie came out. Nobody seemed to want to see it. It was a musical with people we just saw on American Idol. Why am I watching this again? Justin looked like Sideshow Bob and Jamie Lee Curtis had a kid. I honestly think that is the last time anyone has seen Justin. He’s the first American Idol winner and nobody remembers him. Part of me thinks they made him do this movie at gunpoint. Or at least offered some Rick Pitino style threat of putting him and his family “in concrete”.

Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate..