Season 3 of “LHHATL” started off kinda slow and I wasn’t quite sure how it would pick up momentum to exceed last season’s drama. I mean, there’s the whole Mimi sex tape thing but like the steamy home vid, the storyline is kinda boring but Chile, did you catch last night’s episode? Ratchetness was at an all time high. Between Kirk bringing home a “random” to Karlie Redd molly-whopping Yung Joc’s side chick with her purse and Stevie J’s business being aired out, I don’t even know where to begin this recap. Oh, I know…let’s start here…

Remember when Scrappy revealed that Bambi was pregnant? He was happy and oddly, so was Momma Dee. Sadly, Bambi lost the baby and told Scrappy last night after paging him “911.” They shared a vulnerable moment and VH1 milked it (the way they’re going to milk Benzino’s shooting incident). Anyhoo, Momma Dee paid Bambi an unprompted visit to show her remorse for the situation. She even cried as she revealed that she too had suffered a miscarriage. I don’t know what’s gotten into Momma Dee this season. She’s like all cool calm and collected and stuff. She hasn’t even knighted one person this time around. Must be that medicine Scrappy mentioned…

Moving on…

Stevie J had to clean up Joseline’s messy boots last night. Why? Because Jos failed to actually “fire” her booking agent Dawn, who made it known that she knows the secrets (down to every bank statement). Joseline just didn’t answer Dawn’s calls and thought she’d get the hint eventually. Dawn got the hint alright and decided she wanted to “stoop to their level” to even the score. She met up with Stevie and for the first time, he had to witty lines, cool comebacks, or funny jokes… Dawn shut that a** right up when she started going thought he and Joseline’s finances. Let’s just say, the Jordans don’t own any of their property that includes cars and a mansion. She claimed Stevie and Jos have no marriage certificate and that Jos sent her a text telling her that their marriage was fake, though they put it on the cover of Benzino’s magazine Hip Hop Weekly. Dawn ended their convo by making it rain bank receipts over Stevie’s head. Pretty embarrassing. This was very sloppy on Joseline’s behalf. She needs a business lesson or two.

If swabbing his baby for a paternity test last episode wasn’t enough, Kirk, his three earrings, and scene-stealing Adam’s apple decided to offer that boney chick, Jasmine, from the bar a job as Karter’s nanny. I just can’t. He is captain of my men who ain’t ish team. Rasheeda comes home to the frail waitress holding her baby on the couch. Nope, she didn’t go Solange on Kirk (as she should have), she handled the situation with a poise I surely don’t have. In the end Rasheeda kindly told Kirk and waitress shawty to bounce. Ba-bye!

Finally, we reached the climax of the episode (yeah all that happened and we didn’t even get to the best part). If you didn’t catch last weeks episode, you missed Karlie and Joc’s dramatic breakup. As we know, Karlie doesn’t like to be single for long so she went to get her man back. Joc agreed to meet her for dinner where she preceded to “make it up to him.” Let me tell you how we know Karlie is well-seasoned. She pulled out the old tricks and started sucking Joc’s finger at the table. The first thing that ran through my mind was, ew, what if his fingernails were dirty? The overt sexual gesture won him over. Now that they were back on track, Joc took Karlie to see the house he saw potential in. Karlie noticed that the gorgeous realtor showing the property was also Joc’s driver, tax consultant and stylist. Ding. Anyone else hear bells going off? When Karlie got the chance to speak to Khadiyah alone. She cut right to the chase and asked Khadiyah, “Are you f*cking my man?” Khadiyah’s response? “Every night.” Boop. Karlie hit Khadiyah with her over-sized purse. The girls attempted to fight but didn’t get far with VH1 security not far away. Damn Joc, you didn’t have to do Karlie like that.

Next week’s episode picks up where this one left off. Can’t wait to see what Joc has to say for himself.