Tommy Wiseau planning The Room 3-D

One-dimensional actor/director Tommy Wiseau is “obsessed about 3-D right now, if you ask me” (which Entertainment Weekly did) and is planning on converting his cult disasterpiece The Room into 3-D for a theatrical re-release in late 2011 or early 2012—a process that Wiseau acknowledges is “very detail-oriented,” because clearly Wiseau knows that if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right. Along with footballs coming right at you and many, many shots that will make you feel like you’re right there on the Golden Gate Bridge, clearly the most tangible enhancements will come during the film’s endless, rose-draped sex scenes: “My bottom will have to be in 3-D because I’m not changing anything,” Wiseau says. “So you’ll be very close.” Is there a finer visual rejoinder to James Cameron’s self-satisfied proclamations about 3-D than spelunking the cavernous pores of Tommy Wiseau’s thrusting ass cheeks? Is it late 2011 yet?

Fortunately fans of The Room won’t have to wait until then to get that closer look, as Wiseau is also planning an expanded Blu-ray release of the film “before Christmas 2011,” with all the high-definition shots of soft-focus candles and behind-the-scenes footage that implies. In the meantime, Wiseau is still prepping his long-in-the-making sitcom The Neighbors, as well as a new feature film about the economy, about which Wiseau says, “It relates to homes and foreclosures. You’ll be shocked!” And he also has plans to launch his own “Designed By Tommy Wiseau” clothing line of underwear, jackets, and sportswear—some of which will feature Wiseau’s face, all of which will presumably have plenty of pockets to store your comments.