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Friday, November 11, 2011

The Wedding - Part I

I know I promised some stories of my busy October, but in order to do that, I have to first start in July. On July 22, 2011 Mr. Official Taster and I got married (yay!) on the beach in Southern California. It was an intimate affair- only immediate family attended (if you don't count the strangers on the beach!) -and it certainly fit the definition of "short and sweet."

The ceremony was really, really short. But I loved it. We wrote the whole thing ourselves, and a good friend officiated. What I remember is that he basically said "welcome" and "you may now kiss the bride." He said some other stuff, too, but I couldn't tell you what. Although I can tell you that I vetoed the whole "does anyone object?" part, not because I thought someone would, but because I just don't like it.

We promised, of course, to love each other, but also to fill our shelves with books, buy flowers, hold hands and be nice to each other. We also promised to have and to hold each other much the same way people have been doing for hundreds of years all over the globe. Having that feeling of continuity within our unique ceremony was really important to me. We laughed, he cried, but I didn't, much to my surprise.

It was wonderful to catch up with friends we hadn't seen since we moved, and, frankly, to celebrate us. Dinner was a relaxed, couple-hour-long affair. We tried to talk with all of our guests, but, inevitably, felt like we didn't have enough time with any one individual. I'm pretty certain that's normal.

Finally, after the ceremony, photos, dinner, and drinks at a couple of bars, a friend drove us back to our B&B. After a wonderful, joyful, important day, we were able to relax and just be alone with each other. We talked about who we chatted with and how things went, and generally reveled in the beautiful day. I felt so lucky to have family (immediate and extended) who put up with our non-traditional wedding day and friends who came to dinner to celebrate with us.

You may be wondering why I titled this post "the" instead of "our." In the past year or so, I've become a devoted reader of A Practical Wedding (and I think you should be too, even if you're not planning a wedding), and one of its (many good) messages is that your wedding is not just about you. Not only do I think that's true, I think it's not talked about enough on most traditional wedding blogs.

Anyway, all weddings, and, I think, especially weddings that don't follow a "traditional" or the "Wedding Industrial Complex's"idea of normal, require a little extra give from those we love. I know that we hurt some people with our choices, but we tried our best to balance what we wanted, what we needed, and what others wanted or expected. So while it was technically OT+my wedding, it was also our parents' and siblings' and friends' etc. etc. etc. "Our" just seems like too little of a word to encompass the community that it refers to here.

Several of my (unmarried) friends have asked me if it felt any different to be married. At first, I didn't think so. But their queries made me think about it, and my answer changed to "yes." It seems like a little thing: I like having a respectable title for this other person in my life. I've never liked the term "boyfriend,"and "fiance" never really grew on me. I'm not comfortable yet with "husband," but it's a handy term. It sounds right to plead out of a social event because you need to spend time with your husband, or leave early from work to pick up your husband from the airport/doctor/county fair. Saying those same things about your boyfriend just doesn't sound as legitimate. In the general public eye, a "boyfriend" is just not as important or worth scheduling around as a husband.

That may seem like a silly benefit at first. But consider all the other people who don't get to have that official spousal term to use. I've always been pro-marriage equality or gay marriage or however you phrase it. But getting married actually made me feel more strongly about it because I got to get married. I'm glad to see the tide seems to be turning, but there's still miles to go before we sleep.

What did this day in July have to do with a busy October? Here's a hint: lots of flights were involved. and more friends, family, love, and mimosas.

For those of you who care about these things:

I put the flowers together at the local farmers' market a few days before the wedding. That's where the henna came from too.