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Friday May 19 2017

A break in marriage, spare me please!

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By Christine Nakalungi

Last week, famous radio presenter Robina a.k.a Bina Baibe invited me for a show on Dembe FM, a sister station to KFM. A listener had called in for advice. “We have been married for 14 years but my wife and mother of my four children is now asking me for a break. Maybe I would not mind giving her the break but she wants a five-year break. We are legally married and want this marriage but with this request, what should I do?” he asked.Let us be honest here. Who even asks for a break in marriage? As this woman walked down the aisle and splashed the gold ring in the face of all the guests, did she even know what she was getting herself into? I mean, marriage is not a market that you enter, buy whatever you want and walk out after exhausting your needs and budget. No. It is a contract. It may not work out the way we expect but marriage issues should be handled with sincerity and not selfish interests. Let us assume this couple goes ahead and takes five years off, what will happen?

What if the five years elapse but the feelings have not changed or the situation worsened? If they cannot move on with the marriage, shouldn’t they be settling for divorce? The whole idea of break is wrong but again, I am just thinking out loud. Here is what some listeners shared.Noeline Kironde said it seems the wife has got herself another man and is trying to get time to cheat without guilt.Ssonko Olive said: “I have never heard of a marriage where couples take breaks from one another. He should just let her go. She will ask to return after discovering she cannot live without him.” Anne Irabba: “In a nutshell she wants a divorce. Crazy world!”

Madina Kaitesi: “Five year break, when I grow up I want to be like her. Maybe it is a contract marriage and she does not want to renew it now.”Paula Pausha: “I hope she remembered to include that clause in her marriage vows/contract.”

A caller from Lungujja said there are times in marriage when you can feel suffocated and just want to take a break from the routine but five years is a long time, maybe three. But with all these things of people asking for a break from work, studies and now marriage, won’t parents claim that they are also tired of taking care of children; should they also ask for a break? No parent can say that even if at some point they are really exhausted. Why then do we want to introduce breaks in a marriage? I think asking for a break is an excuse but the real thing could be a divorce. Over to you, on what grounds can one take a break from marriage?