Notes / Commercial Description:
A demonic Russian-Style Imperial Stout brewed with coffee, Mexican vanilla, and Indian sugar, this beer defies description. Available one day a year, in April at the brewery: Dark Lord Day.

Reviews by cfrances33:

More User Reviews:

Cut to a street corner. Early morning. Two children waiting for a school bus. This could be your street corner. These could be your children.

Little Billy wears a pair of denim shorts cut off just below the knee, a white T-shirt announcing his membership in Little League, and a ball cap. His pal, Little Andy, is a bit rough around the edges&#8212;his shirt is worn, and he has decided to wait for the bus without the benefit of a hat. Andy is a "cool cat," as the kids say, the worst kind of ruffian&#8212;the kind that makes horseplay and delinquency seem like the "hip" thing to do.

A strange question to you or I, but Billy knows that Andy's leading somewhere, Billy can tell that he should answer honestly.

"Once, when my dad took me fishin'."

"Ahh, no. None of that. I mean a *real man*. You ever felt like one of those?"

"I&#8212;I guess not."

There's a sound, a familiar sneeipt that Billy's heard several times before. It's an adult sound, a sound he knows he shouldn't ever hear, but he wants so bad to impress Andy he doesn't seem afraid.

Andy takes a slurp of a can of Budweiser's "Light" brand beer and, making a face, hands the can over to Billy. Billy doesn't think. The can's in his hand and it's nothing but a silver and blue flash up to his mouth, the taste of stale bread and his grandfather's breath. He coughs, but sucks some down, and then hands the can back to Andy. Yes, now he is a real "home dog," he's ready to start skate boarding and listening to R and B music.

But wait&#8230;Andy's looking in the other direction, his mouth open like a hungry dog. Billy turns his head to see what Andy's looking at and&#8212;oh no, it can't be! But yes it is. First it's a dot, and then it's a blob, and then, oh god and then marching towards them big as life and sure and hell it's none other than "Mean" Joe Green, and he is one bad dude.

Andy falls over and starts crying. Billy keeps looking at the ground. He can't move. Mean Joe's getting closer and closer and he can't move, he can't run, he can't do anything but shake. All he wanted was to be cool, and now look at him. Mean Joe gets so close his shadow blocks out all the sunlight. Billy starts to tremble, to squeak out a plea.

"P-p-please Mean Joe. Please don't murder me!"

Mean Joe laughs.

"Murder you? On the football field, maybe. What I want to know is, why do you childrens think that drinking Bud Light's gonna make you real men?"

"I just did what Andy did. He's radical."

"Well, he don't look radical to me."

Billy looked down. Andy was covered in vomit, was passed out mumbling like a drowned nun.

Billy didn't go to school that day, nor did he try and wake up Andy. Instead, he went behind a shed to look at his new bottle. I found him there, and I hit him over the head with a pipe to steal his bottle of Dark Lord. Seriously, a kid isn't gonna like this.

It's too dark, for one. The head is little and brown which is pretty remarkable considering the massive amount of alcohol in this&#8212;but what's really on display here is the darkness. Think about the time before you were born and that's Dark Lord.

We're raised to appreciate two kinds of goodness in the worlds of taste and of smell. There's the natural and the artificial. Cherry Jolly Ranchers taste good, and so do real cherries, even if they don't taste anything alike. This is a combination of the best natural, earthen, fruity, and grainy smells you've ever come across, along with the best unnatural, chemical smells.

Kids don't know the smells of unprocessed molasses, burnt grain, or wood smoke. This would seem like a medicine chest mixed with a cookie jar mixed with a walk in a field&#8212;one whiff could scar a kid for life.

Too much complexity. On the very tip of the tongue it tastes like a dark wine, then it gets bittersweet, like fire roasted grain, browning apples, and molasses, then it gets regular sweet, like half-dark chocolate and a café mocha, and then it gets a little zippy, like Belgian alcohol and yeast. That's&#8212;that's like you're falling down a hill of flavor and then you climb it back up again, from the valley of the alcohol, into the sweet, and then into the bittersweet, and then into the wine. Giving this to a child would be like giving them a bar of acid and taking them to Disneyland. Nothing would ever make them feel happy again, ever.

The lights flicker as we knife the last bits of red wax (the year of his coming, 2012) off of the bottle, and as we pop the top, the hills rumble. The Dark Lord has arrived. It pours heavily and syrupy from the bottle, settling down the color of murky, oily motor fluid. A ring of fine butterscotch bubbles crowns the unholy beast, leaving axonal cords of lacing as you swirl the liquid. No haze or sediment is appreciable, and carbonation is fierce at its edges. His stench drips off him in waves of massive buttery diacetyls, forgotten mustiness, wasabi vegetals, cloying sugars of plum, dried figs, and orange marmalade fruitiness, hot peppery booze, powdered cocoa and milk chocolate sweetness, honeysuckle florals, molasses, light sunscreen chemical creaminess, sugary whole milkiness, golden raisins, heavy caramel, chocolate, and black coffee maltiness, charred barley, and the faintest green resinous hoppiness. We bow to him, thanking him for his audience, and he graciously allows us a taste. This comes as a mix of one of the sweetest nectars to have ever crossed our lips. Sweet, as in cloyingly puckering. Notes include heavy molasses, mulled chicory, syrupy prunes, red cherries, and dates, canned brown bread drip, Graham crackers, wet potpourri, sweet port and cognac alcohol airs, hairspray, liquid milk chocolate, chocolate milkshake lactics, apple cider vinegar, arugula, fusel phenolic plastics, chalky Milk Duds, soy sauce and salty seaweed, coffee liqueur, raw chocolate chip cookie dough, candied almonds, oily pig fat, and cola syrup. As it warms, the aftertaste breathes hotter and hotter of booze and chalked dark chocolate cloy. His body is more oily than chewy, but full nonetheless. Carbonation is lightly moderate, but you have to work for it. Slurp, smack, cream, and froth are supreme, aided along by the heavy residual sugariness. Glug is immutable. The mouth’s mucosa is brushed with this same dripping thickness, and eventually curls into a soft dusty dryness. The abv is hearty, but we don’t dare dictate to the Dark Lord. He demands to remain, so you obey, sipping away at a slow, slow pace.

Overall, what an experience!! To be in his presence at last is such a lovely thing. You hear the rumors, but even after assessing his aroma, you aren’t satisfied that they may be true. The nose is sweet, yes, but not overly cloyingly so. It has the fruit, the coffee, and sugariness, but they blend to a harmonious end. Then, you sip. The sugars hit your teeth, and you reel backwards. At first, it is admittedly shocking, but the more you give into it, the more it warms you, drawing you in. You begin to appreciate the cloy for what it is, and by the end of the glass you are stuporously happy. Still, you find yourself yearning, reaching for balance in the world through the foggy darkness. You beg for each and every one of those fifteen perfect to dive in and pull you from the sugary muck. They only come as rumbles from the depths of the gullet; they do not ride across the top, where you wish them to be found. We are sad to see him depart, and as our only vintage we have no basis of comparison, but perhaps a younger beast would help quell some of his uncharacteristic sweetness. Rest easy Dark Lord, and thank you.

2014.....
Soy Sauce. Flat as fuck.
Burnt Molasses, soy sauce. I need to get my blood sugar checked. My first "true" drain pour......Glad to say I tried it, but I will certainly warn others of the dangers of Dark Lord

Stood in line at DLD 2009 to pick this up. I let it sit for a little while but I got some good news and felt like it was a good celebration drink.

A: Cut off the white wax and poured aggressively. It's black and viscous with a hint of red. Tiny bit of ruby red showing through on the edge against the light. Fizzy small dark coffee copper head that dissipates quickly. No head to provide lace but it leaves an oily coating on the glass.

T: Lovely. Dark chocolate, burned acidic coffee. Hint of tart dark fruit. A little burn from the alcohol but barely noticeable. Really dry woody aftertaste that makes you want to go in for another sip. As the drink warmed more, the tartness become more prominent and the sweetness became more intense - really nice.

M: Amazingly thick and smooth stuff. Hint of carbonation gives it a wee bit of life but who cares, it's like an awesome beer milkshake!

D: Very excited about having it. No regrets. Met the hype. Serving it warmer than recommended definitely was the way to go. Dangerous stuff - very potent but the alcohol is pretty well masked and it's so tasty, you find yourself drinking it quicker than you intended. Really great brew.

I had high expectations for this beer. 2012 version, which I aged for two years. This beer is a thick, cloying, disaster of a beer. Soy sauce and molasses dominate the taste of this 15% monster. This beer nears drain pouring status, the simple fact that it is a single day release beer made me finish my glass. It looked great when poured, from then on....it sucked! really just a big let down. There was one person that liked it, good for him...have another glass.

Appearance  This one is interesting even before you pour it. Hold a flashlight up to the cool-looking artisan bottle and you will see mounds of sediment. It looks like theres more sediment in there than beer.

Watch it again as you pour it from the bottle. It really does ooze instead of flow. I have to go back through my other reviews and delete any reference to motor oil after seeing this stuff come out of the bottle.

This 13.00% ABV monster actually brought along a great head. The head is so darkly browned its almost black itself. This truly is the Dark Lord.

Smell  I cant even think of any way to describe this without sounding like Im exaggerating. The malts are burnt, there are about eight different scents of coffee and espresso styles in there, and the fruits are enormous. Every dark fruit Ive ever had is in this nose. The alcohol is there but in a really good sort of way. Think Kettle One.

Taste  The flavors are like a crowd of people at a pub each one calling for the bartenders attention. I can hear some screaming, Coffee, espresso, and others calling out for, Dark, heavily roasted and burnt malts. The fruit table in the back room is really getting rowdy.

If I had to focus on one group of flavors it would have to be the fruits. They are giant, hybrid fruits that have genetically mutated into unnatural monsters. The cherries and apricots are like giant boulders avalanching down a mountainside. The dates are bigger than a Boeing 747. All of these giant fruits are covered in a chocolate mudslide of historic proportions (think, cheesy 1970s The Blob movies).

Mouthfeel  This really does cause one to pause and reassess ones definition of a full-bodied beer. Do I have to go back and change all the other big beers Ive had to medium? Its almost as if they made a thick stout then reduced it down in a saucepan.

This redefines smooth. It just oozes along your teeth and gums. Its like a really good, sexy, juicy French kiss. Think, Making out with Pamela Anderson after she just ate a box of Belgian chocolates. If this beer had a finger sticking out the side of the bottle Id put a wedding ring on it.

Drinkability  I dont think it would be accurate to say that it, masks the alcohol, because theres no question when drinking this that its got a high ABV. The alcohol is just so good, like really good, high-quality vodka. You know its booze, but it goes down like water.

I can sincerely say, without sounding too over-the-top, that this is smoother than water. It is just that good. This is so far above any other Stout that Ive had its a shame that I cant give it anything higher than all 5s.

Comments  The most unbelievable part of this story is that the bottle wasnt even mine. Skyhand was incredible enough to split it with me. Now THAT has to be the ultimate BA sharing experience. Id push my mama down a flight of stairs if she tried to take a sip of my Dark Lord.

Update  Yes, skyhand was kind enough to share with me a 2005 just after release. It gave us an opportunity to evaluate this amazing beer at a young age.

At this stage, the bitterness was much stronger and the flavors a little less blended together. I think for 2005 they also changed the filtering process because this bottle lacked sediment of any kind.

Overall, is it still a perfect 5.0? Yes, indeedee, it certainly is. This is the pinnacle of the ADS style and stands apart from the crowd like Tiger Woods at a childs Putt-Putt golf park.

A - Looks like an imperial stout should. Pitch black, thick and viscous. Minimal head that dissipates quickly.
S - Some booze for sure and then an overwhelming teriaki/soy smell.
T - Teriaki and soy....no joking. Tastes nothing like what I hoped it would. Very disappointed.
M - Viscous...sticks around for a few but also leaves that teriaki flavor behind.
O - I don't get the hype and as most have said, this beer really has teriaki/soy aroma and flavor to it.

I have 3 bottles left and will NOT be drinking another one! All will be traded!!

Let me tell you about my dark lord day. I sat in the cold, rainy weather drinking beer with strangers. I sampled beer from all over the world. I had homemade coffee moonshine! I won the golden ticket to get the BVDL. I had my extra bag of beer stolen from me. Woke up the next day with jeans covered in mud, but somehow had drunkedly bartered all the beer in my backpack for more bottles of dark lord.

So my rating for Dark Lord is as follows: 4.5 when drank at dark lord day. 4.25 when drank else where. So let's go in the middle.

This has been always been one of those "I'll get around to it one day" beers. Feels like it was legendary when I first got into craft beer, and since then it's become a more divisive brew. This whole preamble is to say, I came to this bottle of 2014 DL with a fair amount of baggage, but i did my damnedest to approach it objectively.

It's monolithic black with a meager mocha head. Appropriately dense and intimidating. The nose is just BOOM espresso and bakers chocolate, licorice and, yes, a fair amount of soy sauce. Also fruitier notes of black cherry, raisin and cabarnet. Impressive melange, but sort of a sledgehammer. What's shocking is the taste reveals a less varied chocolate sweetness, full of cordial and caramel. Blackberry, too, along with hints of cinnamon and brown sugar. In a word: saccharine. Not unpleasant, just bludgeoningly sugary. It's a heavy brew, but I actually found it oddly watery in light of its purported density of ingredients. Also, the ethanol burn is not too apparent. Which is pretty impressive.

All told, I can see why this has a following but also why some consider it a sweet malty mess. It's palatable but undisciplined, and I can imagine how an additional adjunct or time spent in a barrel (any barrel) would help it. Dark Lord is a fun ride, but I'm not sure I'd take it again.

Feel free to send me any spare BA Dark Lords so I can test this hypothesis.

2014 bottle: poured thick with virtually no head. Nose was very sweet with apparent soy sauce aroma. First taste was very disappointing; very sweet with strong taste of soy. Soy presence seemed to lessen as I kept drinking, still overwhelmingly sweet. In the end, drain poured about half the bottle because I couldn't drink any more.

Had this with a couple of really good friends and beer connoisseurs and we were all delightfully surprised! Lots of chocolate, burnt sugar and roasted malts. Thick syrup like mouthfeel. Very enjoyable. Not sure why people give this beer such a bad rap.

2009 vintage: Big malty body, liquorice, molasses, coffee and dark chocolate. held up well, not the sugar bomb per se that others have alluded to.
2010 vintage: Appears to be sweeter than 2009. Belly-warming, complex and ballsy for sure.

Opaque, ebony, inky body that produces a creamy dark tan head, some lace remains. The nose is predominantly black cherry, followed by milk chocolate, intense sweetness, and a breath of soy sauce. Is this infected, or?... The taste is like cherry liqueur- bitter, spiced, and boozy. Reminds me of Fernet Branca. Flavor also produces more milk chocolate, cinnamon, dryer sheets, chalky dryness, some warming vanilla notes, more sweetness, and, 100% to its credit, only a tiny hint of that 15% booze. I give a lot of preference to the smell and taste for their potency and unabashed nature, and yet after I cut through that bravado I realize the great is only good and the good is mediocre, even distasteful and counterproductive. The body is full, a bit syrupy, thick, and a bit oily, with a surprising amount and delicacy of carbonation.
The flavor here was fine. I didn't wince at it like I do some, especially the high ABV beers. But as reasonable as my expectations were, and trust me, I more than adjust my expectations for hyped beers, this did not meet them. I could easily have justly, truly, and honestly lowered my smell and taste scores (possibly overall...) by .25 each, but in the interest of safeguarding against bias I was generous. Call it the celebrity treatment. I'm at a loss for words. Given the hype (which FFF does not temper, but why would they), the ABV, the lead-on label, and the price point, I think we deserve more.

A) Everything in this review is genuine and as devoid of bias as a human can be. B) This is NOT A RUSSIAN IMPERIAL STOUT, so F FFF for employing a specific, craft designation. C) It just is not that good. It does not match the description on the bottle (see point B), and while it is decidedly enjoyable to imbibe, it falls far, FAR FAR short of the hype, and also of my basic expectations of what a beer, any beer, should be.

T: A pile of sugar with some soy dropped in with a drop of chocolate. Lacking complexity and extremely unusual. Definitely tastes like more of an Imperial Stout (gone awry) than an RIS. Alcohol is completely hidden.

F: Very thick with low carbonation. Heavy mouth coating. This is typically good in a stout, but in this case it just serves to augment the sickening sweet soy flavor.

O: I love sweet stouts (Southern Tier stouts are among my favorite). I am a shameless 3Floyds fanboy. However, this was horrific. Given my anticipation, the relative difficulty getting a DL, my love for 3Floyds, my love for sweet stouts, and the fantastic marketing/bottle art, this beer seemed to be made for me to love it. Instead it is the most disappointing beer I have ever had. It pains me to say this, but this is probably the worst stout I have ever had and the first beer that I truly cannot understand the love for. Many times I am disappointed by a beer but recognize it is likely just due to differences in my personal preference, being "off" that day, etc. But this stout should have been made just for my tastes and was simply terrible. Perhaps if the flavor profile was more complex I could give it some credit, but it is a completely simplistic beer that hits very few notes (70% sugar, 25% soy, 5% chocolate). Warmth did not help it. Stepping away from it and coming back to it did not help it. I don't think the Lord himself (dark or otherwise) could have helped it.

2012 vintage drunk on 1/25/16. My god, it's a wonderful experience. Overall act of drinking better than the sum of its parts. I didn't find it particularly attractive, and I wasn't a huge fan of the mouthfeel, but the complexity of flavors was absolutely unbelievable. Chocolate covered cherries and molasses were the most dominant, and I didn't find it overly sweet. Opened it up after having a really bad day and it changed my whole perspective.

Poured dark mahogany with a thin tan head. Aroma is dark fruit and booze. Flavor is surprisingly sweet with dark fruit and chocolate. Some roasted caramel and anise on the finish. Body is full - almost syrupy. Coats your mouth with delicious flavor. Hard to believe it 15% ABV, it hides it well. Overall, I really enjoyed this.

2006 Gold Wax Dark Lord Drank 8/15/2015
Wasn't too sure how this beer would hold up after all those years, but good ol' Scott assured us it would
Pour - Deep darkness with basically no head
Smell - chocolate, sweet, soy saucy
Taste - incredibly smooth, not too sweet due to aging I suppose, multiple chocolatey tastes
Overall - I don't think I could hold on to something that long, but if I do it would be classified as a good life decision