Show those motherf*ckers you're serious!™

July 18, 2005

A Sneak Peek at the 2008 Democratic Party Platform!

ReverseVoteSwap.org's legendary pragmatism and deep connection with the American proletarian masses has won it many friends in the world of political consulting. We have learned much by way of these shady, anonymous sources--but our recent acquisition of the 2008 Democratic Party Draft Platform is surely the pièce de résistance!

Many people feel that the platforms of the mainstream parties are meaningless documents; President Bush once bragged that he hadn't even read the Republican platform (although, surely, he could have said that about anything). Nonetheless, we at ReverseVoteSwap.org believe that a party's platform plays an important role, signifying the essential modalities of the party's unique approach to mushifying the issues. Thus we are both proud and duty-bound to present to you this important document.

2008 Draft Platform of the Democratic Party

MOTTO: "Take that, Osama!"

SUMMARY OF KEY ISSUES

CHILDENThe future

WORKERSAn important natural resource

WOMENOur mothers & wives
Must be kept secure
Also an important natural resource

ENVIRONMENTCorporations must pledge to work IN the environment!

VALUESStrongness
Strength
Muscularity
Toughness
No Osamas!

SECURITYPriceless
America's gift to the world
Better to fight Islamic rule in Baghdad than Boston!

CHOICEHelp women choose not to have abortions through laws and commands
Faith-based programs
Safe, legal, and unheard-of