What is Movie News After Dark? It’s a movie news column that wonders: “does your daddy know that it sneaks into your room every night?” In a slightly less creepy description, it’s a column that, as of tonight, is of two minds: one that thinks about movie news and is seemingly on vacation, and another that is all about television. Like The Adventures of Pete and Pete. No, seriously.

Tonight’s top story is an imperfect first look at Colin Farrell in the Len Wiseman directed reboot of Total Recall. Some sites are dedicating primo space to such an image, so I thought I’d throw it up there because it’s a decent sized fish on a day where news has been flowing into our nets plentifully. In other non-fishing references, the Total Recall character looks a lot like plain old Colin Farrell. Nothing to see here, I suppose.

Earlier today, the latest round of Emmy nominations were announced. There was jubilation in TV land, I’m sure. Then there was the not so happy reactions. Like Amy Poehler, who defended fellow Parks and Recreation star Nick “Ron Fucking Swanson” Offerman by tell HitFix that his snub was “a hot load of bullshit.” Such a dirty mouth on that gal. Not quite as dirty, however, as the mouth on Sons of Anarchy executive producer Kurt Sutter. On the subject of not getting an Emmy nom, Sutter was glad, now he doesn’t have to “pretend i [sic] give a shit about the profiteering douchebag academy” and he can “stay true to myself and just be a dick.” I don’t care if he’s a dick, have you seen that show? It’s excellent.

Can fan response on Twitter accurately predict the box office? The folks at USC are trying to prove that yes, it can. Their secondary goal: to see how much money a major university can waste studying the correlation between people’s interest in a Kevin James movie and the mentions they give it in between Tweeting pictures of the coffee they trained their cats to make every morning. It’s all outlined in this hilarious pie chart diagram thingy:

I was made aware in my usual browsings of their site that The AV Club is currently working their way through The Adventures of Pete and Pete. And somehow on this day they’ve struck a chord by writing up one of my favorite episodes, “Day of the Dot.” It’s worth a read, if you’re a human who loves.

Everyone stand up and give Glee creator Ryan Murphy a hand. Instead of cashing in on the pretty faces and booming voices that have made his show such a success, he’s sticking with realism and letting them graduate. For those with a low pain tolerance, this means that Lea Michele will not be returning for season four, along with Chris Colfer and Cory Monteith. Why is this significant? Because unlike other traditional high school shows, some of which ran for years without ever seeing the kids actually graduate, Glee is doing it. It’s also possibly a show that I’ve watched and enjoyed. Possibly.

Earlier this week, we gave (and are still in the process of giving) readers in Austin a chance to see Friends with Benefits early, for a cost of absolutely nothing. You shouldn’t really need more reason than free to see said film, but just in case, here’s a red band clip montage with some of the dirty stuff from the Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis-led comedy. It’s fairly naughty.

Next up, the latest project from Sin Nombre and Jane Eyre director Cary Fukunaga is coming into focus. According to The Playlist, Fukunaga is eying Spaceless, a high-concept inter-stellar assassin story about a man chasing another man, all while questioning the meaning of life, the nature of the universe and his place in the whole ball of wax. Sounds like just the think-piece we’d like to see out of Fukunaga. Also, it’s in space.

Movies.com dame Monika Bartyzel has another entry in her Girls on Film column, this time taking on the role of female scene stealers in the Harry Potter series. In short, they’ve made the entire thing interesting. Because a gawky little nerd wizard messing about with his wand is nothing, especially once the Quiddich match is through.

We close tonight with a video that is sure to get you all misty-eyed. If it fails to do so, please leave and never come back… Alright, fine. Don’t leave, but you should have long, deep thoughts about the kind of person you are and the kind of person you’d like to be if this doesn’t get to you. That said, here’s The Sean Bean Death Reel (complete with some major spoilers, so beware):

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