Tuesday, June 24, 2014

[Crosses line in first place, raises hands triumphantly, crashes spectacularly.]

In case you haven't noticed, road bikes with disc brakes have arrived. At this point, even an old fusspot like me realizes the change is inevitable, and I can live with it just as long as it makes life more difficult for pro tour teams and their mechanics. However, I'm only getting older and slower, so I have no interest whatsoever in the technology myself--if anything, as male osteoporosis slowly renders my bones brittle and hollow, by the time I'm in the market for a new road bike even rim brakes will be overkill and I'll probably be pricing subterranean recumbents.

Firstly, Freds love lurid prose that makes riding sound like a sex act, so you've got to have plenty of that:

As we've experienced in the past, there's fantastic power on tap with minimal hand effort along with a positive initial bite that's far from grabby or overly abrupt.

Done. In this case, Huang has successfully made braking sound like the best handjob ever.

Secondly, Freds love comparisons to obsolete technology in other vehicles that are nothing like bicycles:

Quite tellingly, at one point during testing we climbed back aboard another test bike with broken-in Mavic Exalith 2-treated wheels – arguably the benchmark for rim brake performance – and the difference was akin to driving a car with disc brakes versus drums.

Cunningly, James Huang knows that the average Fred knows absolutely nothing about automotive braking beyond "disc=good" and "drum=bad." He also knows there's virtually no way for even the most curious Fred to perform a meaningful comparison between a car with disc brakes versus one with drum brakes, because a car with four (4) drum brakes on it is likely to be much older (or at least much different) than one with four (4) disc brakes and therefore shittier in any number of ways, including but by no means limited to braking. So unless a Fred has recently done a full disc brake conversion on a 1964 Corvair and has some solid back-to-back driving experience, it's impossible to call the reviewer on this incredibly audacious bluff.

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, Freds need to be frightened:

Given the company's global market and various national safety guidelines, Trek officially can only officially approve the Domane Disc worldwide for use with tyres no wider than the included 25mm Bontrager treads

This is simply brilliant on Trek's part. Clearly one of the unintended side-effects of putting disc brakes on road bikes is that it makes them more versatile. Therefore, by voiding Fred's warranty if he fits tires wider than 25mm, Trek can make sure he's forced to buy some kind of completely new Wide Tire Certified® bicycle should he ever be tempted to ride on gravel. (Note in particular the double use of "officially" to underscore the point.)

Anyway, expect bike companies and reviewers to build on the "frightening" aspect in the coming months. I predict that, by 2016, operating a rim brake-equipped road bike will be considered so grossly irresponsible among the Fred community ("No way I'd descend behind someone with rim brakes!") that anyone attempting to do so will be shouted off the Sunday group ride.

Awww, isn't that cute? As a parent, my reply would have been "Because dogs are fucking morons," but I'm not a compulsive Kickstarter inventor like this guy, and you can already see the wheels turning in his head:

("Hmmm, that gives me another idea...")

I give it a month before he launches his latest creation:

I like how the guy filming says "That's cool," because there is absolutely nothing cool about anything going on in this video. This is as dorky as it's possible to get on an upright bike, and if he added one more goofy element (a helment mirror or a pair of sunglasses on the dog, for example) the bicycle would instantaneously transform into a recumbent.

And if you do "portage" a child on your bicycle's top tube, make sure you don't do so in conjunction with this thing, unless you want to hear it constantly:

Like most Kickstarter inventions, this one is born of a stupid question:

"Why should we be limited to traditional bells and lights?"

Probably the same reason we limit ourselves to two wheels and human power: because we ride fucking bicycles.

Nevertheless, that's not going to stop him from creating a pointless noisemaker that's grossly disproportionate to the vehicle for which it's intended:

"MyBell is the world's first customizable digital bike horn."

Here's a tip for all would-be bicycle entrepreneurs: forget about the goddamn horns already. Need to make sounds? Get a bell. Just because cars have something doesn't mean bikes need them too. Car horns don't do shit even on cars, and the ones that really don't do shit are the idiotic novelty ones that blow the theme from the "Godfather," which is basically what this is.

Also, this dramatization is really convincing:

Punishing people you already see with a blast of sound for no reason is a great way to reduce yourself to the moronic level of the typical motorist. Just go around him, numbskull! You're on a silent machine and you're two feet away--and if your insufferable smugness still compels you to communicate additional information to the hapless pedestrian, at least have some "pants yabbies" and use your voice.

Telling someone to watch where they're going is being smug; sounding your high-decibel plastic noisemaker at them is just plain Being A Dick.

Though I admit I kind of want a horn that says this:

Ideally I'd have a button for each phrase so I could play "Ride your little bah-sickle!" repeatedly as I "Cat 6" across the Manhattan Bridge.

With 10 euro’s, you will not only support THE Dutch cycling team, but you will also become a part of our TEAM. Help us remain the TEAM and to maintain the history, so we can give you many years of excellent achievements in return. We will use the money we have raised as follows: 1) It will be used to keep THE Dutch cycling TEAM on the road. 2) It will be used for a special project for the fans who have supported us. 3) If the TEAM does stop, all the money raised will go to a good cause.

Yeah, right. Donating money to a pro cycling team seems only marginally less wrong that donating it to General Motors.

I had a dream last night that Babble was leading the sprinters in a wild & woolly blow out to the finish of a stage of the Tour du Vancouver, but she was riding handless because both her arms were in slings, and she beat the Manx Bullet, Cannonball, Rabbit or whatever he is. But when she crossed the line she couldn't raise her arms in triumph, so the judges DQ'd her.

Early post Sir Snob-a-lot. I like it. I hope that means you will be on your little bah-sickle getting some good footage for a picture laden post. Why do people have such bad grammar and/or spelling? You didn't call out MyBell guys for using "your" instead of "you're" when they freak out Mr. Pedestrian, so I have to do it. No way I am donating money to someone who cannot put together grammatically correct graphics. If you don't know the difference between your and you're I do not trust you will be making a product that is worth my time.

I gots some of them there drum breaks on the camry that I might own. A couple years ago sold my Z convertible car that I used to own with dik breaks.

I never noticed much difference except the dik breaks dried out faster when running through the flood waters.

That Z had aunti-lick breaks too. Now those aunti-lick systems make a diff. They take all the fun out of emergency breaking. Just like that front wheel drive takes all the fun out of trying to do snow donuts.

My dog wishes to advise you in the strongest possible terms that he was profoundly offended by the irresponsible reply to the child's inquiry as to why dogs do not have bikes.

They are not as your so-called author opines "morons," non-chaste or otherwise.

Many dogs do have bikes. Some have bike stables of Huangian scope.

Others have sponsorship deals and do not need to purchase bikes.

Still others commandeer their human companions bikes as extended loaners so they do not have to adjust saddle height and swap out pedals each ride.

My dog demands that if this blog's so-called "author" wishes to walk his so-called "wit" at the expense of man's BFF, that the post be clearly marked with a NSFCS warning. ("Not Safe For Canine Sensibilities.")

Otherwise, my dog will mark the territory himself and then cancel my subscription.

He asks me to close with "Harrumph and good day to you sir."

Of course, I kind of enjoyed the post, but my dog doesn't think much of my sense of humor.

How in the world can the Mac Ride promote independence? It's exactly the opposite of independent - it's use is 100% dependent on the adult bike. In the video it somehow indicates that the adult carrying a strider bike on their back is linked to the use of their product.

I know it's been talked to death. But I still can't wrap my head around disc brakes. When you already have the biggest "disk" of all, the tire rim. Put hydraulics and pistons up against that rim and lookout for the endo's and all the Gatorskins you can grind off doing phat skidz. Ok, rant over, back to finite regression scranalytics

Yeah, that would be the typical fred response: concern yourself with the guy with rim brakes "theoretically" (in the marketing sense of the term) braking early and messing up your "rhythm" rather than being behind you and "theoretically" plowing into your Trek and your full Team Liquigas Cannondale kit.

I will sign up for the Kickstarter for the horn that says "Ride your little bah-sickle!" though. Naturally you'll promote it here since I only experience Kickstarter vicariously through this blog.

So here is a bike if you are tired of getting "saddle sore" and either didn't know that recumbents exist or aren't quite ready to resign yourself to being one of those people yet, though I suspect being the guy on this thing is even worse.

Bama Phred - it is not the role of the BSNYC commentariat to convince you how or what to ride; only to mock your choice. Even though 3/4 of my bikes have rim brakes, and even my dick breaks are cable actuated, I'm not above mocking you. But I got nuthin.

I have a bike with a tire driven bell. Sounds like an angry old analog phone (if there can be such a thing) ringing. They have them in Amazon and eBay - Ventura Tire Bell. Pretty cheap considering all the mechanicals involved. Best with a chrome fork so as not to scratch off the paint.

I had a 1962 Chevrolet Impala. 4 Wheel manual drum brakes. Not much on the 'modulation' brake pedal was basically an on/off switch. It was a 6cylinder so it did not go too fast anyway. But it was awesome.

Thought those early 60s were bad style years. Not my favorite, but at least the 59/60 had personality. My take for that era would be a '65. Nice lines. Classic impala rear lights. Plus by 65 they had spin off oil filters. Positive a '62 8 had a messy cartridge filter and I think the 6s still did too.

should be a clear day so I should not be shown saogy riding to the bank today.

I purchased a Frek road bikecycyle with disk brakes several years ago - marketed as a commuter bike - little fenderettes, triple crank - eyelets for racks, etc. (Now the name disgusts me - the Portland - should have gone full out and named it Portlandia).

Anyway - it had silly Bontrager radial spoked wheels (which failed on me pretty quickly). Researching some, I realized the spoke count was too low for dick brakes - they designed and marketed a bah-cyclce that violated the component specs. (I suppose the braking force on the hub somehow stresses the spokes more? Engineers?)

The cable dicks are pretty good, but tough to dial in for the rear brake - the cable makes so many turns to get to that rear location. Hopeful they have improved the designs for the latest Fred dick braked chariots.

Can someone please attempt to explain the no tires wider than 25mm with dick breaks thing? That doesn't even make very much sense from a marketing standpoint. I.e., when the shitty Bont Rager tires wear out after 25 or so miles, self-respecting freds (I know it's a contradiction in terms, so sue me) will go out and buy some other brand of 25 mm tire.

Babble, after hearing the sling comments I checked out your blog, wholly crap another accident? Looks like a bad one as well. Sounds like you're mending and in good spirits. Be careful out there (this from a guy who rides daily sans-helmet on the mean streets of NYC - but you're making me rethink that). "puttem in tha ditch" always makes me giggle, 100% of the time.

Freddy Murcks I can only speculate that the increased contact patch of a wider tire combined with the greater stopping power of the disc brake would exceed the design limits of the Domane fork, frame, or both. Something I don't want to be on in any shape, form, or fashion.

Just caught up on most of the linkways. $90k for that bell? To cover things like injection moulding? Seriously? Elly Blue endorsed it? Gawwwwd, I hayt biek advocado peeples! Run 'em inna deeeeeeeetch! Oh wait, I'll just put on this hair shirt now.

supposes eputsen - now McFly's running the capcha generator? (lame comments like this is why it usually gives me numbers)

Yeah JLRB I see for 2011 they grudgingly went to what looks like maybe a 2-cross lacing pattern? Can't really see. And still not enough spokes. That ought to help it eventually still fail a bit less soonly.

The Portland - perfect name for a bike that's young, fresh, good-looking, dangerously ignorant of technical limits, and ends up wasting your time!

oh and on the subject of rim job breaks, i ride an old 1986 Raleigh team pro with some old campy record braykes that have what i'm pretty sure are the original pads (like i'm gonna pay $50 to replace old campy pads - if i could even find them) and guess what? i've never once run into anything.

hey man. I've been riding dick brakes since 2008 on my road bike. Is cyclocross road? Besides, I really wanna see a regular bike transformed into a recumbant. Be sure to wear your helment. Is it Wednesday yet?

Yes, another one. And yep, it sucks this one. It's keeping me away from my happy place, and a trainer is a sad, sorry subsitute. The mum in me keeps scolding the whiner inside, reminding her that nobody ever actually ever died of boredom.

But it doesn't bode well when you start having conversations with yourself, does it?

I stopped yelling at the helmentless years ago. I figure that if the need to protect the contents of your skull is not self evident, then there may be nothing in your head worth protecting. Likewise, I don't yell at my refrigerator when I want it to be colder.

8311 (By the way, does the new (boring) Robot Captcha represent the fate of all of those house addresses that Google photographs for StreetView?)

I'm running a front drum brake on my ride. It's not great at scrubbing off speed but it stops me the same in the wet as in the dry and I barely ever have to adjust it. I guess I'm just a low-tech-lazy sort of guy.

I figure that if the need to protect the contents of your skull is not self evident..."

http://www.cdc.gov/traumaticbraininjury/get_the_facts.html

http://www.cdc.gov/traumaticbraininjury/data/index.html

The vast majority of head injuries in the US do not involve bicycles. Slipping and falling in the bathroom in the number one cause of head injuries. Many more head injuries occur from motor vehicle accidents then bicycle accidents.

So why is the need to protect the contents of you skull only self-evident when on a bicycle?

1904 Cadardi, I think you could sell them for three times the price and still put RCT out of business trying to sell his non bedazzled version. Would you consider a business partner? I've already made a logo, the most important facet of any business (see right). Actually, the funny thing is, I ordered anew axe for work about two weeks ago and I am eagerly awaiting it's delivery. One of the first things I will be doing upon its arrival is bedazzling the end of the handle with some orange paint.

"The name X Marks the Pedwalk comes from a satirical story by sciencefiction author Fritz Leiber that describes the beginnings of a war betweenpedestrians and motorists. The story is glancingly referenced in StephenKing's book Danse Macabre."

This only give it two stars but says:One of the greatest industrial/EBM music groups and such a great concept to tAKE from :Maybe the next book from you Mister Self Snobby Self Destruction nyC~~

"X Marks the Pedwalk by Fritz Leiber [1963 ss]

Bizarre tale of a war between the Peds (pedestrians) and the Wheels(people who drive cars due to their underdeveloped legs).

Weird. And interesting idea. But weird."oh I am getting so turn on while listening to "Rez Dog" by Aphasia http://laferraille.bandcamp.com/

factbot9000 -- Everyone uses the bathroom (one hopes) and almost everyone drives around, but relatively few people ride bicycles, as any fule no.

So the fact that bathroom falls and motor vehicle accidents cause a larger absolute number of head injuries than bike crashes do is not particularly surprising, and says nothing meaningful about the risk.

I hereby solemnly swear to accidentally ram the first adult moron to use an electronic noisemaker to warn me out of their way. If they have a carbon frame, I'll ram them twice. If it's a woman, I'll apologize after ramming her and help her up. Kids are safe.

JLRB:Luckily the game was blacked out by MLBtv in my area and it wasn't broadcast on cable so I could go to bed at a reasonable hour. It was great checking the score this am to find out Zimmerman homered and LaRoche nearly had to pitch. Nats!

"So the fact that bathroom falls and motor vehicle accidents cause a larger absolute number of head injuries than bike crashes do is not particularly surprising, and says nothing meaningful about the risk."

The only real advantage of dic breaks is when you crash real hard and bend your radial spoke wheels with massively oversized 28mm tires, you can still ride home with a your busted plastic bike because the breaks don't rub and you don't happen to have your team mechanic hanging out of a car window to fix it while you ride.

I don't know, and it may not be justifiable. It may be because Americans are terrified of all kinds of risks that are, in fact, relatively trivial. Or maybe not. All I was saying was that you have to consider the size of the pool when considering risk.

Me? I wear one. And I use a mirror. And I have a beard.

But no, I don't ride a recumbent. I still have a shred of dignity left.

Marge, I have always carried myself with a certain quiet dignity.Tonight, you robbed me of it.I'm going now, and I don't know when you'll see me again.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!