2014-01-21

Interview In The Insane Asylum

You may or may not have seen the interview I was a part of last week with Michael Mele, in his What Women Want post. Like the nickel-silver fasteners on a jet plane, it was riveting. Since 'turnabout is fairplay,' the women involved decided to counter-attac interview, because Knowledge is Power. At least I remember seeing that on Saturday morning cartoons as a child, where all my higher learning comes from.Here are some questions and answers, in case you were wondering what goes on under all the cross-dressing at The Insane Asylum. Speaking of that post, I also was able to obtain some photos of that period in Michael's life.

He pretended they were all destroyed, but I have some photos myself, of a higher-up at the NSA, who was suddenly able to find some of these photos.
No idea why you didn't share these, MJ, they're stunning. Color me stunned.
You're welcome, Internet, and/or I'm sorry (that I'm not sorry.)

Here are the interviewees and their questions, followed by his answers. Check out everyone's blog and social media channels, they are all hysterical and will answer any of these type questions 24 hours a day. Probably. Maybe. Nothing ventured...

Questions from the gorgeous Beth Teliho

Beth Teliho

Blog: Writer B is Me

http://bethteliho.wordpress.com

Facebook: https://facebook.com/elizabeth.teliho

Twitter:

@beth_teliho

1. Are you master of your domain?MJM: Absolutely not, my domain is master of me. I can’t help it, when the urges call I must answer, I mean I am a man for gosh darn sakes. 2. TP, over or under?MJM: Neither, I prefer it free and loose, that way I can two finger the roll and wrap up my free hand like as if I was mummifying myself, and take care of business as I feel fit.3. Do you manscape?MJM: Not on a regular basis, but when I do, I shave it to next to nothing, that way there is plenty of time in-between where I don’t have to worry about it. I would love to shave the bat symbol in my junk, but I am not skilled enough, the one time I tried it came out looking like a whale on crack. 4. Naughty school girl or sexy librarian? MJM: I wouldn’t waste your time, because shortly after things get heated up I’m throwing in the towel…sure it’s the nasty cleanup towel, but nevertheless it’s still a towel. Not only that, a hot chick could come in dressed like Barney the purple dinosaur and I’d be ready to hit it like a Caveman.5. P test: playgirl, porno, pole (male dancing) or prude? MJM: I couldn’t do Playgirl unless they were doing the extra-large edition, I couldn’t do porno unless the running time was about the length of a commercial and I couldn’t do the pole unless people were satisfied seeing me flop around like as if I was a fish out of water. So I guess in this case to save me, and anyone one watching, the embarrassment I will just choose prude. 6. Are you a jeep guy or a Lexus guy? MJM: Neither, I’m a Mustang kind of guy…or the Batmobile, but that’s only on the weekend.7. Bondage. Hot or not?MJM: Not, I would freak out if I was tied up and/or treated like a bitch in the bedroom, I would probably start crying and ruin the whole thing.

Questions from the beautiful Kristi Campbell

Kristi Campbell

Blog: Finding Ninee

http://www.findingninee.com/

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/FindingNinee

Twitter:

@FindingNinee

1. Sleeping: Snuggles and cuddles or "move over to your own side, jerk?"

MJM: Totally "move over to your own side, jerk”, we didn’t buy a big bed so we could sleep right on top of each other, not only that, it’s way too hot you sweaty ass mofo.2. What's the worst date you've ever been on?MJM: There are way too many to list, not trying to sound sexiest, but you women are freaking nuts. Also, if you know you’re not going to give it up at the end of the date, you shouldn’t have us pay for everything while we’re out, you leave our wallets empty and our balls blue…now that’s cold.

3. Marriage: a partnership based on love or something to endure for the kids?

MJM: Marriage, something only the gays should be allowed to do, because us straight people are totally ruining the sanctity of it.

4. You're taking your date to an upscale restaurant and she's showing a lot of skin. Do you flaunt her proudly or tell her to get a sweater because only you can look?

MJM: If she’s hot I flaunt her proudly, if she’s fugly I make her put on a sweater…one with a turtleneck…that can be pulled up over her head…I wouldn’t want to disgust the other diners.

5. Which of your habits most annoys the women in your life?

MJM: Waking up! They all say I’m great when I’m sleeping, but otherwise, I’m a total dick.

6. Which of your woman's habits most annoys you?

MJM: That’s easy, bitching. I could so do without all bitching.

Questions from the.....funny (usually) Joy Christi

1. Who hurt you? Oh, just kidding. No one cares about that.

MJM: I love women with mommy/daddy issues, they are a lot of fun (huh huh), but only to date not to bring home to my mommy/daddy.

2. Since YOU asked US: Gas, deal-breaker or giggle-inducing?

MJM: Who doesn’t love gas, burps and farts, the joys of life.

3. If you woke up tomorrow and were a woman, what is the first---- no, wait, don't go there. What kind of person(s) guys/girls/Sister Wives/LARPers would you date if you were a woman?

MJM: If I woke up as a women I would never leave the bed, as John Mayer said, my body would be a wonderland…oh wait sorry, you said not to go there. If I was a chick I would be a lesbian, lipstick not butch, and I would only date other hot chicks, because if I wanted a manly women I would just date a metrosexual.

4. If you were a stripper/porn star, what would your stage name be?

MJM: I would either go with Sugar Nuts or Dick Hardwood.

5. What would your hook/special talent be?

MJM: Tying knots in a cherry stem with my winky.__________________________Thank you, everyone. We look forward to Dick Hardwood'scherry-stem-tying YouTube softporn channel, with dream-sequence visits from Barney and flashes of the Batsignal. Be sure to tune in and ask early and often if the curtains match the rug, just so he can flash and say "It's all hardwood!"Thank you Beth and Kristi for your answers, and thank you Michael! These answers were a lot less Larry Dallas than I expected. In fact, they were pretty darn Jack Tripper. Look at the pictures below, it's clear what needs to happen next. No, Michael, not that.Look for our sitcom, a Three's Company spin-off next fall on Blogger.

Starring Kristi as Nurse Terri

Right? WHO would NOT watch this show??Terri's picture found on Pinterest.com

Beth as Chrissy

Come and KNOCK ON OUR DOOR!from episodeguide.com

Joy as the brunette that worked in the flower shop.

My photo NOT taken in the 70's, in 2013. Janet from aoltv.com
Yes, I had to GOOGLE the name "Janet" and I'm a brunette.

and Michael as Jack Tripper.

Jack's picture from thegallantguy.blogspot.com

Is it just me?We just need someone to be Larry, and actually Janet, because let's face it, I'm more Mrs. Roper with those perm rods.

from merciblahblah.com

Do we have a volunteer for Mr. Roper? Thanks again for playing along, totally of your own free will, Michael.

125 comments:

OMG Joy you outdid yourself! This is AWESOME!! And hysterical. And holy shit the photos....*giggling*Thank you for putting this together! Thank you, Mike! Your answers are sweeeeet! Batman in your junk? Nice touch. Okay I'll probably have more to say after coffee....

For any youngins, non-Americans and/or non-TV people, Three's Company was a hilarious sitcom from the 70's (early 80's?) and here is the first episode, you can watch it free online here:http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xvnkg_threes-company-episode-1_fun

This was all Joy's idea. It was her baby and she did awesome!! Thanks for hooking us up for this hilarious project! I'm still dying over the photos...including our Three's Company ones! hahaha priceless!

Mike - you killed it with your answers! Great job. My favorite line of the whole post: "would love to shave the bat symbol in my junk, but I am not skilled enough, the one time I tried it came out looking like a whale on crack" hahahaha!

HAHAAHH DUDE JOY!!!!! OMG this is perfect and amazing and brilliant and your photos and the layout are just simply awesome. Also MJM, you're NOT awesome (only said because I see above me the Zoe comment and felt peer pressure to say so but actually you are totally awesome). I love this. Great answers, great photos, Joy and great US DUDES. Our questions rocked!!! HAHAHAH :D

Also I was going to post to this but got all ugh with school cancelled and a woman giving me a slap down the other night about me being dumb. So there's that. She was right. LOVE LOVE this tho so much!

First of all LOFREAKINGL!!!! Second of all I am writing a post about Three's Company!!! Great minds...maybe I need to borrow your cast of character. Meanwhile I think knowing these depraved things about MJ is not good for me. So I'm going to go have my memory erased and I'll see you tomorrow.

Thank you guys. I'm not as much of an open freak like most of you. lol I'mma lady on the streets! ;) This was highly entertaining and I'll never look at MJM the same again. I will only see him in tight women's clothing. Thanks for that! ;)

Michael, you knocked this out of the park as did the ladies questions! I could read this stuff all day long but it would probably require a Viagra prescription. I debate the naughty girl vs the sexy librarian every day! I work around A LOT of really good looking females. You rock buddy, chest bump from Reno! :)

Now this is some funny shit! Girls, way to go, turning the tables and all! Mike aka Dick, freakin' hysterical! I started laughing when you started crying about being tied up and haven't stopped yet. Post perfection!

Michael, first and foremost, you look awesome in sexy lingerie leaning against a pole. Second of all - women? Yes! We're all freaking nuts, and you say. And I am 100% with you on marriage. I think you're right. Only gay people should be allowed to do it. This was LOL from start to finish.

Three's Company was the one show my mom wouldn't let me watch. Which meant, of course, I watched it whenever she wasn't looking. Brilliantly done, Joy and company. A little TMI about Michael and his manscaping, but I knew what I was getting into.

We found this post via our friend Beth Teliho and we are loving your blog, Joy. Mathair and I love that it took three women with balls to interview a man about his manscaping preferences, porn habits, and gassy women. And we love that Mike was unbridled with his answers, especially love what he said about marriage. Sharing now.