Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Nocellphonus Rex

Sometimes I get the curious feeling that I resemble a dinosaur. Not in the sense of the scales and razor teeth (although I have been known to be extremely cranky), but in the sense of being extinct. Or at least, coming really close.
This is because I don’t have one of those things called cell phones. The other day one of my new friends ( he is 19, and thus surgically attached to most electronic gizmos) nearly became the only teenager in history to have a cardiac arrest when he found this out. His eyebrows shot up. He nearly shrieked: “you don’t have a cell phone?” Then, seeing my shamelessly calm response, once again in the negative, he manfully recovered by going back to scratching the dog’s ears.
Other people, even those who are well, well over the teenage mark, probably have the same reaction though they disguise it with pleasant nods. Actually, I had resolved a while ago to get me one of the things. Ok, so maybe resolved is too strong a word. But I did think about it. I even looked obediently at the dozens of manuals and brochures (Cell Phones for Dummies?) that were thrust at me in a subtle display of concern for my unwired, unconnected, uncool state of being.
Two months later, I am still phone-less. I smile beatifically when asked The Question: When Are You Getting One? I tell them I don’t really like talking that much. I don’t like talking when I wake up in the morning. Or before I go to bed. In between, I’m at work so I can’t really talk anyway. Weekends I like to chill out with a book or movie. So when would I call? This argument makes some people look at me strangely, but for those who know me well enough, it is a very feasible reason. They also know that I just don’t like cell phones, in the same way that some people don’t like olives on their pizza toppings.
Possibly the only way I would buy one is to be connected with my family (dysfunctional but in a sort of goofy and entirely predictable way), who live in different parts of the country. Of course I would expect them to call me more often than I called them, but that is understood, since I am in the Non-Returners of Calls Hall of Fame.
And so it goes. I am a testament to the peace and quiet that comes with life minus a cell phone. (Please, I have enough stress anyway. I get stressed if I have to comb my hair more than once a day.) I would probably break my new phone, drop it, lose it, dismember it, or somehow ruin it within a week of possessing it.
No thank you, I say. Even if it makes me feel like a dinosaur.

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4 comments:

darren
said...

A Dinosaur eh? But you did not name which one you are or are close to be. Perhaps the bird thing, teradactile (close enough), but cranky so maybe the T-Rex. I'll have to ponder the idea of 'Devika the Dinosaur'.

As for the telephone, lack thereof, you are not the only friend I have without one. Be sure to know, I make fun of him about it incessantly. Would expect less?