10 Types of People Who Don’t Need to Buy Air Yeezy Sneakers

Kanye West and Nike have conspired to play with the minds of young people in urban areas by selling $275 sneakers. They’ve done a good job of convincing people to get in line for a week and I’m sure there will be stories about people getting into fights and killing one another to get access to the shoes. But since when did hardcore capitalists like Nike and Kanye ever believe human life to be more valuable than corporate profits?

So, as a public service announcement, I thought I’d make a short list of 10 types of people who DO NOT need to own a pair of Air Yeezy sneakers:

1) Anybody who’s got a lick of damn sense. Who pays that much for ugly shoes anyway?

2) If you would not be equally willing to spend $275 on books, tutoring or an educational program for your child. Your shoes should not be worth more than your child’s educational future.

3) If the amount of child support you pay is less than $275 per month, or if you are behind in your payments on any level.

4) If you receive a substantial part of your income from the federal government, a minimum wage job or your mama.

5) If you have to leave your baby in the car, at home alone or at their grandmother’s house so you can go stand in line all day.

6) If you are reading this article telling you that it’s a waste of damn money. Anyone who takes the time to read an article with this title is probably smart enough to realize that buying Air Yeezys for anything more than $50 is just silly. So, as adamant as I am about making my point, I am probably just preaching to the choir.

7) If you also think that Kanye West is the arrogant, selfish, jackass that President Obama and numerous experts have proclaimed him to be. Standing in line for a week to buy his overpriced shoe will only make him that much more arrogant. At some point, Kanye’s head is going to explode.

8) If you are smart enough to realize that “Watch the Throne” was a brilliant artistic display of vomit-producing coon-like materialism. I’m sure somewhere on the label it says, “Air Yeezys are designed specifically so that N*ggas can wear them on their trips to Paris”

9) If you are tired of giving your hard-earned money to rappers who, financed by big white corporations, mass produce messages designed to teach black men to kill one another, have sex with every woman within a 100 mile radius and hit the weed/liquor every single day until they are dead

10) If you are smart enough to know when a major corporation has bamboozled you into believing that a $10 product is miraculously worth $275. Yes, these products cost roughly $10 to make in China and most people in China are smart enough to not buy them. Instead, they just send them to Americans who are dumb enough to pay the full price.