Fight Civilly

Fighting is a normal and natural part of any relationship, but the truth is that the faster a fight is over with, the better it is for everyone. There are some ways to keep arguments short — if not sweet — while still dealing with the issue at hand. If you tend to get into fights that drag on and on, making your life miserable all the while, read on to find out how to patch things up and get on with your life.

Get to the bottom of it

It’s important to find out what’s really wrong instead of dancing around the issue. Chances are good that if an issue isn’t dealt with, it will come up again. The sooner you focus on one issue and resolve it, the nicer the fight will be and the sooner it will be over.

Focusing isn’t always the easiest task, because in order to recognize the starting point of an argument, it is necessary to ignore the sideways insults that are thrown your way and to contain your own anger. This may be the hardest part of patching up a fight (aside from apologizing) because when insults start flying, it can sometimes feel as though there’s no turning back.

The easiest way to get around this is to concentrate on getting your relationship back to normal. Remember that the person you’re fighting with is someone you care about and would like to spend more time with. This will humble you and help you focus on the issue at hand. After all, a fight seems like a huge deal at the time, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s only a hiccup.

Don’t blame unnecessarily

No matter what your conflict is about, it is easy to justify your part in it so that you feel entirely innocent. This is dangerous because a high-and-mighty mindset can cause you to be more insulting than you should be. Just remember that, regardless of how a fight started, it usually takes more than one person to keep it going. This means that you’re not entirely innocent. Some things are nobody’s fault, and some things are your fault. Either way, assigning or accepting blame usually won’t get you any closer to a resolution. In fact, it generally only makes people more defensive and angry. Instead, talk about what’s wrong and what can be done to fix it.

Use “I” phrases

Instead of assuming that you know what’s going on in somebody else’s head, just say honestly what’s happening in yours. For instance, saying, “I feel stressed out because I have to work really hard to pay the bills,” will help to patch things up a lot more than, “If you didn’t have such expensive tastes, I wouldn’t have to work so damn hard.” The latter will obviously put her on the defensive and bring on more nastiness, whereas the former says the same thing, but in a less confrontational way.