Anna Zubkova

I have already mentioned that from a certain point the current of my life clearly divided into two streams. And the one that flowed in the physical world, — was sharply slowing, stopping an unnecessary race for the illusory, transient values. And there was the other one, carrying me to the fullness of cognition of the Creator, — which was incredibly intense and accelerating. From a certain point the habitual course of events ceased to exist. Only the stages on the Path remained, which were determining changes in my life on the material plane.

A monk — is one who is completely devoting himself to God only: learning to cognize Him, loving Him and serving Him, through spiritual help to others.

I fully understood this formulation, outlined by Vladimir. But it is one thing — to understand the theory, but another and difficult task — to implement it in a real life situation.

So God created a situation where I had to make a definitive choice.

… I was combining the work that I loved in a movie studio with spiritual studies for quite a long time. But at one time, I was offered a job on a film which consisted in an expedition to Egypt (a free trip, wages in hard currency, excellent film director and actors). But on the other hand, there was — the Divine Teachers Ptahhotep and Elisabeth Haich Who were beginning to reveal to us ancient time esoteric mysteries from Egypt.

I understood that if I was to go on the expedition — these doors could never open themselves for me again, the ones that God was opening.

I did not even ask Vladimir about this situation: I knew that if I had, he would have said: “Of course, go, if it’s what you want!”… I had to make this decision myself. And it then became clear for me: I decided not to go and transferred all my currant affairs to a good person and then… I left the keys inside the wardrobe, and slammed the door which had two locks… The door of the world of illusions was closed forever for me…

Other ways of life, other than a life, completely dedicated to the service of God and consisting in moving on the Path to the fullness and realization of the meaning of one’s existence, was already unthinkable for me. God no longer needed to ask me about this, there was already no way back!

* * *

Being a monk — is a state of the soul, one on one with God. This is exactly what true monasticism is. It does not consist at all in things like removing ourselves from “the world”, or adopting new names, wearing special clothes, etc.

Vladimir always taught us to interact with God directly.

In particular, he sometimes suggested to each one of us to stay alone with God in the woods, drift apart to some distance, — to feel that there was only Him and each one of us.

Once, each of us even got to live in a complete forest “retreat” for a whole week. At that time, we got to look for places of power ourselves for the first time, and learned to feel the direct guidance of God.

It always has been an invaluable experience that allowed us to learn to have a more complete and intimate interaction with Him — the Loving Father, Strict Teacher, Only Beloved, Infinite Ocean of Love…

God Himself was unfolding situations in our lives so, that understanding came to us: in fact we should rely only on Him and no one else, not even incarnate Masters, not even on the most dear and closest companions on our Path.

* * *

At first, God was only telling me encouraging words on the early stages of the Path, dictating verses of love and talking to me about the bliss of Mergence with Him, but then, the more profound and mature my relationship became with Him, the more strict He became.

The closer you approach Him — bigger are the efforts He requires from His disciples.

I will give now some examples from my conversations with Him to illustrate this:

“There can be no meditation without love!

“Why is it that love sometimes disappears in us? — The reason is that some part of us-soul has not yet been cleansed from the vices and is not crystal clear, only that can merge with Me! The soul must be absolutely pure, fearless in its aspirations, gentle and transparent!

“This is — what you have to do for Me, you have to clean yourself from vices and rebuild yourself as a soul, filled with love, and offer yourself to Me.

“The things, that you do out of imitation and that are not coming from your own inner convictions, — are short-lived and fly off like a husk.

“’The ones who are led to Me by a leash’ cannot enter into Me!

“You must learn to rely only on Me — and be fearless! The heart, filled with My Love, cannot be afraid, neither for oneself nor for others!

“Understand that My concerns are not in the creation of comfort and peace for you or My other students. My concerns right now — are about you overcoming your “self”, throwing off “the human form” (See “The Teachings of Juan Matus” in [7].).

“Study, — for this sake — see My blessings in every situation. I created them for you and for all the living beings. Rain, cold, a train cancellation — everything can be turned into blessings! Learn to use every situation — to become better!

“Do not be afraid of failures! In defeats, the will to win becomes tempered! Those searching for an easy way cannot reach the end!

“Also understand: That I do not expect that you become perfect instantly. Accept calmly the fact that mistakes are inevitable for those who have the courage to act! Just remember that the wise do not repeat these mistakes twice.

“And remember: that I am — near you, I am — always ready to come to your aid!

“I teach you COOPERATION with Me! This is the only way you will learn to live and act in Mergence!

“Remember firmly and forever:

“The state of ‘nothing turns out’ — is a challenge! It is — a challenge to become better, to change — and to take the next step! Life of a spiritual warrior consists of challenges that he/she accepts as a great gift, — and comes out the winner in the battle against one’s own imperfection!

“Learn to act in Unity with Me! I do not accept your service as ‘a shudra’ any more, when one only acts as told. I expect from you a sense of initiative and creativity! And accept — only love as gifts!

“But do not deny the right of the ego to “self-determination”! Offer your gifts to Me, your ideas, your proposals. Then we will be able to work together you and I on the things that I have accepted. This joint work will teach you to Unite yourself with Me!

“You must not be like a chip of wood without any propulsion, helplessly floating on the waves of the ocean, and neither should you be like a ship, going against the waves and the wind, directing your course, — be like a wave, consubstantial with Me the Primordial Ocean! The waves go up and down — but still they never cease to be the Ocean, and when the calm comes — there are no waves anymore, only the Ocean remains!

“Correct yourself! Do not force Me to teach you through pain!

“Understand that when I have to teach you through pain, I always suffer more than you do! So please stop hurting Me!

“There are events that come into your life caused by the inertia and passivity of your life. If a person, embarked on the spiritual Path, for a very long time, and has not yet changed his/her way of life, then the consequences of such mismatch concerning the growth of the soul in opposition to the old shackles of the material plan, cause events that break down those old shackles and old foundations through cataclysms.

“It is required to always have a more intensive and deeper life in Me, with Me! Fearlessness in letting go of all obstacles is required! The process of the dissolution of negative karma can be done slowly. But we can live in such a way, that the manifestation of that bad karma can be diminished in the material plan — through the right actions and Mergence with Me in Love! This applies to everyone who has spiritual aspirations and wants to achieve more than just a ‘life of righteousness’. This is — for those who follow the Straight Path!

“It all depends on the size of your vessel (Size of the developing individual consciousness.): how much you are able to contain. I am willing to offer you the whole Ocean of Me, the whole Ocean of My Love, Wisdom and Power! I am willing to give Myself — to you, and everyone… but you cannot contain the Ocean. Only the Ocean can contain Itself — you, and all that exists. And at the moment, when your vessel will become identical to My Depths and large enough in size for the preservation of your awareness in Me, then I will be able to remove this vessel, to break out the illusion of your separate existence. You will then make the experience that there is only Me, only I exist, that you are Me!

“For now, since you cannot always be in Me, try to surrender yourself to Me, and the best way to do that — is to offer selfless service to Me! This is — the best way of living, allowing one to acquire missing qualities such as: energy, self-discipline, calm, non-attachment to earthly things, broad-mindedness, ability to think quickly etc. And all actions should be done on the background of bhakti, love-devotion to God. This in return allows us to erase vices from the soul and help in the dissolution of the remaining negative karma from the past. This allows us to grow properly. Those who serve Me and forget about themselves, will be brought closer to Me. I surround them with the love and care of a Father and Mother. I stay with them always.

“Total Reciprocity* should become the background state. Always feel yourself dissolved in the Ocean of Me! Being able to perceive Me fully, My Will — can only be done on the background of peace and dissolution. If you master this — you will become One with Me.

“Only love can be dissolved in Love! Only in mutual love can Peace be possible, Gentleness, Mergence of consciousnesses! Everything else — the garbage, let it emerge to the surface and be carried away by the current!

“You — are in the Ocean of Me: in the Ocean of Pure Love! Become this Ocean!

“… Contentment with oneself, over one’s own successes — prevents the subtle and pure perception of Me. It is possible to immerse into Me up to infinity, and then come back into a comfortable ‘human form’, without discomfort, or contradiction between these states. But the immobility of the ‘I’ in the absence of efforts to immerse it into the Depths of Me — over time becomes “shackles on one’s feet”.

“You cannot sit on your achievements, when the level of your previous achievements forms a marshy lake with stable banks, — instead of the mighty river flowing into the Ocean of Me!

“The Mergence with Me, that does not bring one to go deeper and to expand in constant search of new opportunities to give love to Me and Me to others, — after some time ceases to be in Mergence with Me, for I do not let you stagnate.

“One, who thinks, that the Goal is now reached and that it is now possible to “rest on his laurels”, — enters into the path of degradation.

“The Mergence which does not become deeper — diminishes!

“Love that does not increase, — dims!

“The task — is to become Me in its entirety! And you will not get your way through “pleasing” Me with small things! The stage of ‘shudra’ has ended for you a long time ago! You have the option to take a new direction in life — if you do not, your present incarnation may end!

“And I do not expect at all that you will be able to take this new direction the first time you try. I never condemn those, who fall, rise and start all over again!