Todd Martin's Raw is Bore report for Monday night

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Date: 05/16/11 from San Antonio, TX.

The Big News: The superstars and divas will be engaging in sports entertainment for the WWE Universe on Sunday.

Show Analysis:

John Cena came out to begin the show, but before he could start talking he was interrupted by Alex Riley. Riley said that Cena was just going to say the same things he always does. Riley introduced Miz and said that Miz has always been underestimated and will prove the people wrong again on Sunday.

Cena replied that Riley is as stupid as he is useless. Cena then whipped out a My Little Pony joke. Oh yes. Cena said that he chose an I quit match because he can see fear in Miz’s eyes and Miz is wondering how badly he will be hurt. The GM then announced that since Cena got to pick the stipulation for the PPV, Miz gets to pick Cena’s opponent and a stipulation for Raw. Miz said he would think about it. It really sunk in during this segment how dumb it is to be doing a two week build for an I quit match.

CM Punk beat Kofi Kingston. Punk told Nexus to stay on the ramp for this match rather than coming down to help, and the story of the match was whether Nexus had faith that Punk could get the job done on his own. Kingston used a dropkick and baseball slide but then Punk took over and beat up Kingston. Kingston came back with a frog crossbody and boom drop but missed trouble in paradise. Punk went for the GTS but Kingston escaped. Punk then went for it again and hit it this time for the win. After the match, Punk said that was leadership by example and he won’t stop until Nexus is the most dominant force in WWE history.

Miz throughout the show was shown conversing with other wrestlers. The story was of course that he was recruiting and trying to figure out the best choice for Cena’s match. Miz first chatted with Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler. He later spoke with Big Show, Mason Ryan, CM Punk, Kane and R. Truth.

Kelly Kelly beat Brie Bella. Kelly hit a Thesz press, spanked Brie, used a whirly bird, then a handspring elbow and bulldog. She finally rolled up Brie for the win. The pin itself looked bad but much of the match was better than usual. The Bellas jumped Kelly after the match until Kharma came out. Kharma went after Kelly but then one of the Bellas jumped Kharma from behind. Kharma shoved one Bella down and then gave the other the implant buster. She helped Kelly up and then flicked Kelly in the forehead with her finger. Watching Kharma destroy the other women is easily the most entertaining the women’s division has been in many years.

Rey Mysterio beat Alberto Del Rio via DQ. This began with Mysterio calling out R. Truth. Del Rio came out instead and blamed Mysterio for preventing him from facing Cena for the title. Del Rio ran down Mysterio and Mexican-Americans as compared to pure Mexicans. Mysterio replied that he is proud to be a Chicano and this led into a match.

Del Rio went after Mysterio’s arm for much of the match. As Mysterio was starting his comeback, Truth appeared with a microphone in the luxury boxes. Truth called Mysterio a thief for stealing his spot in the number one contender match. Mysterio continued his comeback with a springboard crossbody and spinning head scissors on Del Rio. He went for the 619 but Ricardo Rodriguez blocked it for the DQ. Del Rio gave Mysterio an elbow off the top rope after the match. Truth then gave him the leaping downward spiral and said he will take out Mysterio on Sunday.

Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole had a contract signing for their match Sunday. The signing of the contracts got no reaction whatsoever. Cole then said the contract was for a kiss my foot match. Yay, more stips. Cole brought up Lawler losing a kiss my foot match to Bret Hart. Cole showed off this completely fake looking made up foot.

Lawler said that Cole is no Bret Hart. Lawler said he at least respects Jack Swagger as a former world champion but Cole has turned Swagger from world champion into sidekick. Cole replied that nobody remembers Swagger was world champion and being a sidekick has helped Swagger’s career. Swagger wouldn’t have even been at Mania without Cole. Swagger got angry and left. Without Swagger, Cole tried to make up with Lawler. Lawler grabbed Cole by the tie and said he would stuff Cole’s foot in his mouth and close it.

This entire segment got strikingly non-existent reactions. This feud is completely dead and they need to get Cole out of his current role. Of course, they’ve kept the anonymous GM gimmick around for a great many months after it should have been dumped.

David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty beat Kane and Big Show. Nexus worked over Show with punches and kicks. They went after Show’s leg. Kane got the tag and hit a side slam and top rope clothesline on McGillicutty. Kane went for the choke slam but Punk kicked him in the back of the head and McGillicutty hit a swinging neck breaker on Kane for the win. This sets up a tag title match for the PPV. Otunga and McGillicutty vs. Kane and Show? Why, no. Ryan and Punk vs. Kane and Show. That’s a novel approach. Have Ryan and Punk ever even teamed together?

Backstage, Big Show said they are not giving up the tag team titles. Kane said Sunday will be the annihilation of Punk and Nexus. Elsewhere, Zack Ryder presented John Cena with a Ryder t-shirt.

John Cena beat Jack Swagger in a no holds barred match. Swagger dominated the match. He hit a suplex, Vader bomb, posted Cena and used a Vader bomb on a chair. Cena went for a shoulder block but was caught and slammed down by Swagger. Swagger then applied the ankle lock. Cena got out and made his comeback. He just hit the shoulder blocks, Cena slam, five knuckle, FU and applied the STF for the tap.

Miz after the match said he has thought of all sorts of horrible, novel ways to hurt Cena and force Cena to quit. Miz doesn’t excel at being threatening. Miz attacked Cena with a pipe but Cena got the pipe and hit Miz and Riley with it. Miz fled and Cena got on the microphone and intensely said he will put a hurting on Miz and make him quit. Cena was really good with that.

Final Thoughts:

WWE really needs to do what it can to freshen up the feel of Raw. The current direction isn’t terrible but it’s completely uninspiring.