This is the story I left out, from Part 1 and Part 2. This is the door God opened that took away my anxiety, and my parents’ stress. This is what happened to my sister.

Coming Home

After my dad moved back home, post-stroke, the stress really set in. Until that point, Mom and I had been trading off my sister’s care, on a daily basis. Our days went like this: I would get to the nursing home to keep my dad company, until Mom could get there. When she arrived, I left, picked up the kids from school, then headed home to cook. Because of the fabulous ramp some of Daddy’s friends built onto my house, my sister was able to get off the bus, from her day program, at my house, and I would keep her until Mom got home. At that point, I would hand off my sister and their dinner, and send those two on their way. This went on for months.

Then Daddy was released. Let me first say, this man had no business coming home, at least physically. But there wasn’t a rehab facility that we found on this side of the United States that was willing to take a pontine stroke patient. Door closed. But emotionally, being home was so good for him, and God knew that was what he needed. After all, he hadn’t been home in five months.

We were so unprepared for his care and it was so, so stressful. He was still on a feeding tube, which we now had to use manually, as insurance would not approve the automatic feeding pump. He could not control a single part of his body. Not one limb. And did I mention my mom, his only caregiver, is under five feet tall? Yeah, it was a disaster. We had manual lifts allllll over the house, to move him in and out of the bed and the wheelchair, as needed.

I stayed there for hours each day, for both physical and emotional support, and to work with my dad on some Occupational and Physical Therapy. The home therapy that was covered by insurance was paltry, barely enough to maintain what ability he had recovered. We had his therapists show me what to work on, and each day I would do his exercises with him.

After I finished with his therapy, I went home and cooked for them and for us, and brought it back. I was so blessed during this time that I didn’t have to work at all, and I was still receiving a sizable paycheck (thank you, Young Living!). As my mom got used to the situation, I started coming for fewer hours. You can only imagine how far behind my house and laundry fell. I had put my husband and children on the back-burner for MONTHS, and they needed me, too.

A New Plan

Unbeknownst to my parents, I had been talking with my BFF about the future of my sister. What I’ve not told you yet is the toll all of this took on her. To remind you, my sister is profoundly mentally retarded, with Cerebral Palsy and seizure disorder. The good thing is, we had her seizures under complete control, as we had been working to get her off most of her meds and supplementing with some natural remedies. The success was enormous. But once my dad moved home, her seizures began spiraling out of control. They were so bad, her day program was bringing her home before lunch most days. We knew, KNEW it had to be stress-related, at least in part. Without reading her mind, we could tell she was scared, worried, and bored.

Finally, my friend and I went to tour a particular residential facility for people like my sister. To say I was impressed was an understatement. The facility has two parts – day program and home – and the family has no out-of-pocket expenses. I have been in lots of these types of facilities during my life, and I can honestly say I’ve never been in one like this. The love that the employees we met and saw had for the people in their care was overwhelming. They didn’t see them as clients. They didn’t see them as special needs. Instead, they saw them as people. Their personalities, their wants, their desires, were all taken into account in everything the employees did. It was truly amazing!

We asked when, WHEN could my sister get in??? And when they said the waiting list was approximately two years long, we were pleasantly surprised. Clients don’t leave this facility because they’re tired of it and want to go home. Many of them no longer have a home to go back to, as they have outlived their parents. The only way they leave is when they pass away. And let me tell you, this place does everything they can to keep them well. Where do the mentally retarded go when they are elderly? They don’t have the same needs as a typical nursing home patient. I was impressed to learn that the clients at this facility don’t have to go anywhere. They get to stay at their “home.” Everything is taken care of for them.

I Dropped the Bomb

Thanksgiving weekend, I told my parents what I had been up to. They were in a bit of denial, as expected. This is their baby, after all, whom they have cared for all of her 45 years. They never considered the fact that they were in their late 60s and would not be able to care for her much longer, even if my dad was in perfect health. It was too hard for them to think about. But it was consuming my every thought and causing me a significant amount of anxiety. I had to do something. During our Thanksgiving chat (nice timing, huh?), I reminded them that all that had to happen for their care for her to falter was for my mom to get sick or injured for one day. And if that wasn’t convincing enough, God decided to show them what I meant.

A day later, ONE DAY LATER, my mom threw out her back so badly that I had to cancel travel plans with my own family, and take her to the hospital, where we spent all day in the ER. I think we had a caregiver for my sister that day. I honestly don’t remember, because it was that stressful. My family was on the road to Nashville, and I was stuck taking care of my parents and sister. My nightmare was coming to fruition. All I know is whoever came to take care of my sister, watched over my dad, too. And praise the Lord for that!

That weekend was all the proof my parents needed. And whether they agreed or not, I was putting my sister on the waiting list the next day. But if you thought I was running like crazy before, it was about to get a lot worse. My days were spent getting our house cleaned out and market-ready. But my evenings were suddenly not my own.

At 3 p.m., I picked up my children and hurried them home to start homework. By 4:30 p.m., I had to be at my parents’ house to get my sister off the bus (assuming she made it all day at school), potty her, and go ahead and change her into pajamas. Any later in the day, and her body was too tired to cooperate. I then headed back home to cook dinner for eight people. Once it was done, I would start my kids eating, pack up my parents’ food, and run it back to their house, so they could all eat by 6 p.m. Then back home to check on the kids, make sure homework was done and showers were started. My husband was usually rolling in around the time I had to head back to my parents’ house to get my sister in bed. By the time I got home, it was my own children’s bedtime, and I had spent no time with them.

Plans were going forward for us to move, and our house sold beyond quickly. We were moving across town, in four weeks, and I was worried sick about my parents and my sister. Things had eased up, at this point. My mom’s back was much better, but for how long? Was I going to spend every day driving across town to help them? And then God stepped in with an open door. That two-year waiting list for my sister to move into the residential facility? Yeah, not so much. Try less than six months. They had an opening and she was moving in two weeks. In other words, she was moving before I was!

An Open Door

Mom and Dad were in shock with the news of my sister’s move. They were not ready. As unrealistic as it seems, they had never really planned on her leaving. Ever. I really think they assumed they would die and I would just take over. But my greatest fear, for years, has been that they would die, she would have to leave her home and she would feel abandoned. I would have to forgo my life with my children and husband to take care of her. My fear was I would resent her (and them) for that, and we would grow old and miserable together.

Getting my sister placed in her new living situation meant that when my parents do pass, it will have less of an effect on my sister. She will not be ripped from her home, in the throes of grief. She will already be living her new life, with her new friends. She will be sad, but she will not be broken.

Too much excitement to eat!

And then the day came – moving day. I will never forget the look on my sister’s face when we took her to stay her first night, at her new home. Pure joy. She was absolutely ecstatic! I mean, we knew she was bored with her day program, and at home, but no one expected this. I have truly never seen her smile so big in my life! She kept looking around, taking it all in, as if to say, “Is this really happening?”

The staff called a few times those first few weeks, concerned she wasn’t eating enough. They said all she would do during meal times was smile and look around at everyone, hardly taking a bite. We reassured them it wasn’t that anything was wrong. On the contrary, everything was finally right in her world. She was with her new friends. Like her baby sister, she finally got to move out and have her own life. She was happy.

My sister has been at her new home for five months now, and gets to come home nearly every weekend, for a night or two. My parents are still adjusting, emotionally, especially since no one, not even a great place like this one, takes care of your baby like you do. But I can see the weight lifted from my mom’s shoulders. She will never say it out loud, but the stress has definitely lessened with one fewer person to take care of, on a daily basis. They don’t have to worry about getting home in time to meet the school bus. They don’t have to worry that they will receive a call that my sister is having a seizure and needs to come home right away.

As for me, I don’t have to worry that I am letting down my family. God put us in the right place, at the right time, to receive the right care for my sister. Isn’t His timing amazing?

To recap from Part 1, our house sold quickly. We purchased land easily. And we secured a place to live, in the meantime. All signs were pointing to BUILD THAT DANG HOUSE! And so, we began drawing the house plans to take to our draftsman. When you’re dealing with wheelchairs, you need a whole lot of custom. We had our guy begin work drawing our home, with guest house. And it took FOR-EV-ER. What was supposed to take about six weeks (Ah-hahahaha!!!!), instead took about twice that long. Okay, not forever, in the grand scheme of things. But we sold and moved out of our house at the beginning of the drafting process, so it seemed a lot longer, at the time.

We finally got our plans, and sent them to our favorite builders to bid. These are friends of ours that we trust completely. And while we waited on the bid, we spoke to several other friends who were also in the building process, who gave us a big warning, with a touch of anxiety. By the time we made it to the bidding process, construction costs in our area had hit a record high. Nashville, a mere three hours away, was booming with new construction. And Gatlinburg, just a few towns over, was being rebuilt, after wildfires nearly destroyed it.

What does all of that mean? The near 10-year famine for residential builders was officially over. Sub-contractors could demand a higher price, because they were in higher demand. Then you throw in two huge hurricanes, and the cost of building materials began to rise, as well. We cut, and cut, and cut, until the plans for our future home no longer looked like the house we wanted to take the money and effort to build, and it was still significantly over budget. Door. Closed.

Obedience Is More Important Than Outcome

Through all this time, the waiting for plans, the waiting for pricing, the warnings, the UNKNOWNS, all I could do was pray. I had control over nothing, and I knew it, so I just handed it over to God. We thought His plan was for us to move my parents in with us, to help take care of them. But that wasn’t panning out. So maybe we were wrong. And knowing that, I still felt peace. If there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few years of medical tragedy, on all sides of our family, is that God knows waaaaaaayyyy more than I do about what my future holds.

When He closed the door on this build, He didn’t lock it. He didn’t remove the doorknob. And he didn’t chain it shut. If we wanted to walk through it, though it was so clearly shut, we could probably find a way. We could pull our kids out of Christian school. We could stop tithing. I could go back to a full-time professional career. We could leverage all we have, all because a few months ago, building this house seemed like God’s plan, and because we really WANT it. But I know that door He just closed, was closed to protect me. From what? I have no idea. And if I’m being honest, I don’t want to know. I may know in time. Or I won’t. But either way, I have peace because I know I am being obedient and I know He will bless me for it. My obedience to God is more important than whatever the outcome may be.

What Now?

So for the past few weeks, our family has been preparing for this outcome by going to Open Houses, hoping beyond hope that we wouldn’t need any of those houses. We found one we loved on the very first day. It seemed perfect for us in so many ways. It still does. But is it God’s plan for us to make it our home? I just don’t know yet. Maybe I’ll tell you in a few weeks. In the meantime, I’m going to continue to pray, and trust, and listen, and obey. I don’t know what the future holds, especially as far as my parents are concerned. But I do know that God knows every detail, and that He has our and their best interests in His plans.

It’s not over yet…stay tuned for Part Three! And if you’ve not read Part One, you can find it

For the past 9 months, my family has had one thing on our minds (no, not that). Building a house. My darling husband chose the perfect time to decide on this new venture. I had just employed the fabulous Brooke Phillips Designs to help me style our home of 12.5 years and make it more us. I am not even kidding when I say I was hanging the last picture on the wall when he looks at me and says, “Babe, we’re going to have to build.” Are. You. Kidding. Me? But wait! It gets worse…

The reason my amazing husband suggested we take our nearly perfect house and put it on the market was so selfless that it will make you want to nominate him for Husband of the Year. See, since my dad’s brain hemorrhage in 2015, my mom has been struggling to meet his every physical, mental and emotional need, as well as taking care of my sister, who is profoundly mentally retarded, with Cerebral Palsy and seizure disorder.

Basically, she’s been using her 4’11” body to sling two wheelchairs, and their inhabitants, all day. Every day. The time has been rapidly approaching that she could no longer manage. And I was worn out from traveling the five short miles to help her, with the physical moving and changing of them four times a day, in addition to cooking for them, and taking care of my own family of five. It was taking a toll on us, as family. That’s when that man of mine suggested we build a new house, and move my parents, and my special needs sister, in with us. As in live with us. I hate him.

I had a much better solution of moving to New Zealand and leaving no forwarding address, but he nixed that fairly quickly. Pretty sure it has something to do with watching SEC football live, but I digress.

We prayed about it. We talked to my parents. We prayed some more. We looked for land. We prayed over that. And we decided where we wanted to be. And perhaps the most important of the decisions; we decided we needed to add a pimped-out guest house for my parents, because TBI or not, my father and I need to NEVER share a roof line. Simply put, we are too much alike and there’s just not room enough in one house for both of us.

Doors Began to Open

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a big believer in prayer, even in the details of real estate. I’ve learned to appreciate the value of closed doors, when God is the one closing them. In fact, I pray for God to close doors for me, on a regular basis. It usually means He’s protecting me from something, even if I can’t even fathom what it could be. But with this whole building thing, and all the necessities leading up to it, we had nothing but open doors. And I know those are from God, too.

In preparing to sell our house, it was doors wide open. Want to update all of your bathrooms? Here’s a bunch of free granite and tile. Live in a remote area, where people don’t usually buy houses in your price range? Here is a couple who wants to buy your house, who has had their eyes on it for years. Did I mention we hadn’t even listed it, AND they came to us? (I thought those things only happened to other people). A place to live in the mean time? No problem! The in-laws have plenty of room, and they’re generously offering it as long as we need, and for free.

And Then They Closed

But I was talking about closed doors, right? So when we went to put in an offer on the land we wanted, the land that had been on the market for MORE THAN A YEAR, it sold that week. Are you letting that sink in? It sold the very week we went to make an offer. Door closed. No worries. We had a back-up lot. Ummmm….it sold that week, too. Door closed. Maybe it was time to regroup?

We prayed through it and still felt we were supposed to be in that area. So we found another lot. It wasn’t anywhere near our first choice, in the beginning. But it was actually a pretty fabulous lot, and offered this country girl the most privacy of any (affordable) lot in the neighborhood! Since it was a foreclosure, our realtor warned us that our offer of 20% below asking could take several weeks to receive a response. You guys, do you know long it took for the bank to respond to that foreclosure offer?

Guess.

No, really. You won’t believe it.

They accepted our offer THE. SAME. DAY.

What? Um, can you say, “door open?” Because I sure can! Pardon me, while I walk through said door.

We were finally ready to start the building process and everything was falling into place. Or was it? Read more in my next post, When God Closes Doors – Part Two.

Two-step detox? Yeah, that got your attention, didn’t it? Well, that may not include your ENTIRE home, as it is still filled with personal care products. But, for cleaning your actual house, you only need a two things. The third is just a bonus.

Step One: General Cleaning

Enter Thieves Household Cleaner. Now before you dash away, I will warn you: yes, I use a lot of Young Living products. They truly have some of the best products I have used. HOWEVER, I still use some products that are not from Young Living. And while Young Living has allowed me to build a wonderful business by sharing about their products, I am still budget conscious. And quite frankly, not all of their products fit everyone’s budget. I’m trying to help you to avoid breaking the bank here.

So back to Thieves Household Cleaner. This stuff really gives you the bang for your buck. It comes in a concentrate liquid, that simply mixes with water to dilute. I like to pour two caps-full in a 30 oz. spray bottle, and done. That alone replaces my glass cleaner, degreaser, and general cleaner for everything from toilets to hardwood floors. You won’t believe how many of those 30 oz. bottles you’ll be able to make from that one, little bottle of concentrate. Try nearly 15 bottles of cleaner! Most people only do one cap-full, which would give you 29 bottles of healthy, non-toxic cleaner, that works BETTER than the dangerous chemicals, for about $1.32/bottle. Let me says that again…IT. WORKS. BETTER. A better product for less money. That’s a no-brainer.

Step Two: Laundry

Ohmygosh! This is perhaps my favorite switch, as far as products go. I don’t know about you, but laundry is the bane of my existence. It is Never. Ever. Done. So anything that will make it simpler? Bring it.

Detergent

I used to make my own laundry detergent. No. I’m done with that. And then there is the fabulous Thieves Laundry Soap, which I will talk about later. I love, love, LOVE it! But with a family of five, it is currently above my budget. So what did I find instead? Soap Nuts. I don’t know if you’ve heard of these little nuggets of organic goodness, but they are so green and so simple. We’re talking actual nuts off an actual tree that clean your clothes – and clean them well!

All you do is throw about six nuts in a little, muslin bag, which is included, and throw them in the wash. You get about six washes out of that set of nuts. I make up about 10 bags at once. That’s 60 loads ready to go – no measuring or mess. You can get a bag for 972 loads, for less than $45. WHAT?!?! I mean, why would you not?

I will tell you though, if you don’t mind spending a little more, you can’t beat Thieves Laundry Soap*. This plant-based formula is infused with essential oils and contains natural enzymes. The cleaning power is phenomenal, and you simply can’t find a safer detergent on the market. So depending on your budget and your desire of ease, you now have a few healthy, simple options.

Fabric Softener

But what about fabric softener? If you have ever read the label of dryer sheets, you will be disgusted. Or at least you should. Dryer sheets and liquid fabric softener contain some of the worst toxins you will find in your home. We’re talking ingredients that lead to leukemia and other blood cancers (benzene), nasal and throat cancers (acetaldehyde) and central nervous system disorders (ethanol), some that are known carcinogens (limonene) and neurotoxins (chloroform), and the list goes on. That stuff is sitting on your skin – you know, your largest organ – all day! Guys, I can’t stress enough how important it is to get the crap out of your laundry.

So what’s a girl to do? For fabric softener, you can really score, as both options are inexpensive AND simple. Option Number One is to put a ½ cup of white vinegar in your wash. It does not interfere with the cleaning power of the Soap Nuts or Thieves Laundry Soap, but it does freshen the smell of especially stinky clothes, as well as soften them. Vinegar is cheap, but then you have a big jug to store. Currently, we’re living in an apartment while we build. I have a small laundry closet, not suitable for storing big jugs of vinegar. That brings me to our next option.

Option Number Two is even easier – wool dryer balls. Throw them in your dryer, leave them in, done. Never take them out. Done. Seriously, that’s it. If you want your clothes to be scented, add a few essential oil drops (a plethora of choices on scent) to each ball. Use about six balls per load to help your clothes dry quickly, and to make them soft and static-free. You can make your own, but it’s actually less expensive to buy them here.

That’s it!

If you simply change to one cleaning product, and some very simple laundry items, you have created a healthier home environment. I bet you didn’t think it could be that easily, did you? Of course, there are more changes to come (dishes, personal care products, etc.), but this is a really good start. Just think of all that space you will have under your kitchen sink now, not to mention all the moola you’ve saved! I don’t know about you, but I feel better already.

*If you would like to purchase any of the Young Living products at a wholesale price (24% off retail), please click here to sign up as a wholesale member.

In the midst of striving for wellness, wouldn’t you love for the multitude of decisions you have to make each day to be simple? The discovery of a better option for your family often requires research, followed by second and third guessing yourself – it’s exhausting! Let’s face it, ladies, we are usually the ones who make the decisions to steer our families down certain paths. Whether it is which foods to eat, what products to use, participation in church and community activities, or even involvement in extra-curricular activities – we get it done. We are the ones trying to achieve whole-life wellness. And we are So. Tired.

Should I be using this laundry detergent? There’s five hours of research on 42 ingredients.

What is the best cleaner I can use in my home, that won’t hurt my family? Months of trial and error.

Is corn a vegetable or a grain? A new day, a new answer.

What essential oil will help this condition? Here’s a big, thick book you have zero time to read.

What makeup/skin care can I use that won’t jack up my hormones? Sort through 1,000s of options.

What if I told you that you don’t have to do it all? What if I told you I can help? There are some of us who thrive on that research! (Yes, I know I am a weirdo. But I have found fellow weirdos to work with. It’s a charmed life.) I have spent the hours reading, done the trial and error, taken the classes, and paid the big bucks for the appointments with the experts. I have cultivated the knowledge, and I love sharing it with people just like you. And even better than that, all of those other weirdos I’ve found? They want to share with you, too! We want to empower you to be your best you. We want to empower you, by giving you simple steps to begin a journey of wellness with your family.

Where do we start? First, let’s get rid of the mentality that “something’s gotta kill me.” I hear it all the time. “I know this lotion is has harmful chemicals, but it feels so good, and something’s gotta kill me!” Or how about, “Yeah, I know I shouldn’t be on all these meds, with all of these side effect, but something’s got to kill me.” But what if it doesn’t kill you? Because the truth is, death isn’t the part that scares me. Using products that cause me to have long-term health problems – that’s what scares me. Watching my child suffer from some unknown allergen – that’s what scares me. Thinking about breaking the budget with healthy products that don’t seem as good as the yucky ones – yep, that scares me, too.

Watching my dad, who looks and feels pretty healthy, allow his inner-health to get so out of control, it causes a stroke that leaves him completely disabled – that used to terrify me. I saw it coming. I begged him to change his ways, but you know, Powdered Butt Syndrome. And now, I’m living that horrid reality that I feared so much. In short, his choices in products and food made him sick. And now he neither looks, nor feels, nor IS healthy. There is no danger of him dying anytime soon. Instead, he gets to live out his remaining years in misery. That something didn’t kill him.

My dad’s case is not unusual. See, that something doesn’t usually kill you, at least not right away. That something leaves you sick, and miserable, and wishing you had taken the time to invest in your health, or wishing it did, in fact, kill you.

May I make a recommendation? Allow me to empower you with knowledge, while keeping it simple…and affordable, and beautiful, and of a higher quality than you ever imagined. Now is the time to shift your family’s mentality from “something’s gotta kill me” to “I want to live my best life, in the time I have left.” Now is the time to follow me and my Crazy Wholesome Life.