2 Ways To Never Make A Bad First Impression Again

Whitney Johnson is co-founder of Clay Christensen’s Rose Park Advisors, the author of "Dare, Dream, Do: Remarkable Things Happen When you Dare to Dream", and one of Business Insider’s Smart Thinkers You Should Follow on Twitter (@johnsonwhitney)

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Networking is a transaction. Much like a computer network is a collection of computers that facilitate communications and allow users to share data, we network to gain access to broader resources. The difficulty lies in the nature of the transaction: when we reach out to someone it's because they have something we want. So the question is, what's the trade? What do we have to offer? And as a corollary, if someone reaches out to us who doesn't necessarily have anything that we want or need, can we find a way to make it an exchange anyway?

Going back to my experience at SXSW: I may want to talk to Dave McClure, but why would he want to talk to me? My "rockstar" comment certainly did not lead him to believe I had anything to offer him. But here is another SXSW example. After one of the sessions, I saw Gretchen Rubin, the author of the NY Times bestseller The Happiness Project. I said, "I know you. I follow you on Twitter, and you just started following me," and introduced myself. As we chatted, it occurred to me I could introduce her to someone she wanted to know. She accepted graciously. On my side of the trade was a conversation with someone I admire. Our debut interaction may evolve into an instrumental tie, perhaps not. Having put in place a quid pro quo early on raises the odds.

The give-and-take of networking with people with whom you have multiple ties is a bit more complicated because the relationships are more complex. This makes it all the more important that we know beforehand what the trade will be; asking someone to do something for you just-to-be-nice can deplete your social capital quickly. One suggestion: when you ask for help and receive it, always ask what you might do for the giver, no matter how asymmetrical things may seem in your relationship. You may be surprised by what a person of "higher status" might need and you might provide.

What if you are the one helping someone, doing the favor, and the person doesn't ask what they can do in return for you? Find a way to ask a favor from them within the next few weeks. It will likely be simple, not approaching the monetary value of what you have provided to them, but it propels into motion reciprocity, the idea of sharing and exchange. For example, when recent grads seek me out for advice, I almost always provide it and I don't charge. But I do give them a chance to return the favor by asking them to leave a comment on this blog, or to retweet one of my tweets: a simple, very concrete request that is easy to deliver on immediately. Unlike The Godfather, very few of us can bank favors.

To get things done and be as effective as possible within our sphere, we need to network. While joining forces with people whom we know in multiple contexts can be complicated, the research suggests we are more likely to achieve our goals when we do. We may be loath to consider transactions or trades in the context of a relationship, but we will be far more effective when we remember the give-and-get rule. Networking is, in fact, a lot of work, but if we do it well, we can actually get something done.