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My old friend came to visit for a few days. Wow! You know how awesome that is? We haven't even been in close touch over the last 20 years. But when you're friends, you're friends, right? Her husband thought she was crazy to even suggest coming to visit. Very confusing to both of us, we thought nothing of it. Making close friends and keeping them is hard in our busy and often far apart lives. I kinda forgot how awesome it was to have someone that just gets you, that you have a ton of shared memories with, that you have similar interests, values, and outlooks with. Hard to do today, right? It was curious to see my 20-year younger self through the lens of seeing her again. To remember things about myself and what I love and who I am and how much of that person is still there. And then to reflect on that as I plan and create what's next for me is super empowering and strong. Remembering who you are assists you in rising to what's next for you. I loved hearing about how her life has unfolded and become blessed. It renewed me and my endeavors. Looking back always has me feeling vulnerable. Who you were. Your choices. Your mistakes. Your heartbreaks and old flames. All of this is in your face with old friends, but you know what all those things are: lessons, joys, embarrassment, and beauty. We all have them. The good and the bad. This is the great thing about true friends who get you and love you no matter what crazy shiz you're up to. It's harder to find these close friends who you know this well as we get older. I found this great article on 9 ways to catch [...]

I've been thinking about prayer a bunch lately. Who does it? Why? How? Should I be doing it? Do I actually do it and not recognize it as such? Is it only for 'religious' people? Do you only pray to God with a capital "G"? What's the purpose? So many questions, right? I do know there are different types of prayer. There's what I would call 'ritual' prayer. Those memorized prayers that everyone does for a specific need or purpose. There's the just-before-bed-on-your-knees prayer. There's the blessing of the food before dinner prayer. There are a litany of these everyday and special occasion prayers. Mass, Hail Mary's, baptism, last rites, Passover, sacrament, etc. BUT the kinda prayer that I've been curious about is the one that comes from my inner essence (my inner drop) and is directed at--what?? Where is it going? Why do it? It's the kinda prayer that solidifies and puts to order the challenges, wishes, needs, and requests that just kinda need a space to go. I'm hashing this out in my spirit right now. Not because I'm fighting it, but because I want to discover more about it and how we frail little humans use it and need it. I'm coming across many podcasts, books, and speakers that weave their prayers into all they do and they speak about it so wonderfully. It really hits me when they share their prayers. I feel the truth of it...of their belief and knowing of it to be powerful and necessary. I am in total L O V E with Anne Lamott. Saint Anne, as I recently heard her called. I know it is true. Such wisdom and so witty with words. Her book of the only 3 prayers you ever need: Help, Thanks, and Wow. Says it all, [...]

I'm certainly feeling the overwhelm and constant ups and downs of my emotions over the past few weeks with the change of 'leadership' in the United States. There are holes breaking open in my spirit and heart. Thankfully, moments later they fill up with all the love I DO see. Only to be spilled out again with the next barrage of hate and greed. This back and forth is exhausting. Are you feeling it? So, what to do, Dear Ones? I start with where I am and what I can control. That starts with me and my home and loved ones. I'm really feeling the need to anchor myself to my daily practices, my home, eating and cooking delicious and nourishing foods, beauty, inspiration, nurturing relationships, nature, and physical movement. I need things I can turn to to fill myself back up. To create a strong world within. To build my courage and convictions so I'm to able stretch myself when the time comes. You have to take care of yourself first. You can't keep up the good work or your BIG work, if you are in a puddle of despair and disorganization. As Boss Ladies [and Warrior Goddesses], we are and will be called to inspire and help others now more than ever. Everyone's work just got BIGGER. And it is OH SO EXCITING! There is a call being sent out that we must answer with our hearts. This call is to stand for how and what and who we are. We are not the hate, fear, and divisiveness that is being vomited from some people. WE ARE NOT THAT. Let's find ways to be, do, and create that shout this far and wide. Worldwide, as is being done by so many right now. The TRUTH is the truth [...]

{originally published in Sibyl Magazine- for the spirit and soul of a woman October 2016} My stomach starts turning back flips. My mind starts playing that old familiar track. It’s on a loop. Sometimes even get that bitter burst of adrenaline in my mouth and the racing heart. I get lost in the story. I drop right down into that dark chasm of chaos, defeat, and despair. Where nothing works out and there’s only one solution and it ends in horror. What’s the cause of all this? Fear. And why, exactly, am I in the Fear Fan Club?!? Am I crazy? Let me tell you why FEAR is one of our greatest teachers. It’s a signal to me that I’m out of my comfort zone or out of balance. Being able to know that I am in either one of these places is good information for me to consider and take inspired action on. If I’m out of my comfort zone, am I heading to where I want to go? Or am I going in the wrong direction? The signs of fear that are coming up are telling me to pay attention-- I’m heading into unfamiliar territory. Good to know. But maybe it is a place I want to go to—I just never been there before. If fear is coming up because I’m out of balance, then I can realign myself with what is really true. Somehow I’ve gone off track. I’ve lost trust, love, and my inner knowing somewhere and I need to reconnect. Fear is information from your Being that some sort of action needs to be taken. It might be to run away from that charging bear or to take direct steps to release you from the stranglehold that fear can have on you. Fear is a [...]

[originally written for Sibyl Magazine June 2016] I say some pretty horrendous things, some totally untrue things and some downright nasty things to myself. I’m sure I see some heads nodding in understanding out there. Why do we say these hurtful things to our beautiful hearts? Very often I’m not consciously aware of them. They are so far in the background, like a tape just running on loop, I don’t even hear them. I AM developing more awareness, so I am beginning to hear them more and more. The awesome thing is that then I can unpack the story I’m telling myself and then, and only then can I begin heal and grow beyond that limiting belief that was lurking in the background. I totally shocked myself the other day. I was planning and setting goals--big goals and plans—and I heard myself say, “It won’t work.” WHAT?! How dare I sabotage myself even before getting it off the ground. What did I do? I used my tools. I practice affirmations, manifesting intentions and goals and I work with the cycles of the moon to support these. I say clearly what I want. When I hear a negative thought I say, “NO” and reinforce that which I DO want. I also work with my tarot cards to get support and insight into what is behind the negative thought or a different way of seeing how to proceed. This gives me a deeper understanding and guidance. I have also started using “I AM” statements. Powerful combatants to that negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. “I AM a healer.” “I AM in control of my time.” I AM healthy and strong.” “I AM manifesting platforms for abundance.” I have a morning practice as well listing what I am grateful for and [...]

{previously published in Sibyl Magazine (for the Spirit & Soul of Women) May 2016} Sometimes in the act of creating our lives it looks like a big chaotic mess. Other times we feel that our actions on what we add and what we take out are very deliberate. And then there are those times where you feel like nothing is happening. I read tarot cards for others and for myself for personal development and insight. It’s super interesting for me to look at what yearly cycle I’m in (according to the numerology of the Major Arcana). It can be helpful in learning how to navigate and plan as I go through the year. Last year was a Chariot year and this year is an Adjustment year for me. Chariot years are all about movement while keeping your calm center. That was definitely true for me. I took lots of actions to expand my growth and potential both personally and in my business. This year is an Adjustment year-it’s about bringing in all that you activated the previous year in practical real ways in your daily life. All while coming back to balance and integrating the new skills and ways of being. This can come down to the subtle, as in how I think about things, how I communicate or in concrete ways as in what habits to release and which ones to nourish. The Adjustment year is one of fine tuning. A pinch of this- a bit more of that or just take that out. The sometimes overwhelming chaos of the Chariot year is coming into wholeness and form. I can see what it is all distilling down to and what actions to take to fully realize the new insights, actions and learning. This mix (creation) of your [...]

Cranky. Snappy. Mean. Depressed. Angry. Emotions I was choosing to let run the show. Did I have 'good' reasons for choosing these emotions? Possibly. Did I feel I had choice back then? Absolutely NOT! I was the boss lady of a busy restaurant. With all the staff issues, long hours, long weeks, instant drama & over-indulgent habits & patterns that typically go hand in hand with this biz. I managed to pull out more appropriate emotions & behaviors most of the time. I found the energy I needed from somewhere deep down to show up & get the job done. But even that source began to get harder & harder to tap. It was running dry from the constant use & no replenishment. So the 'bad' stuff crept up more often...and I used more excuses & indulgences to cope with it. Sounds a bit manic, doesn't it? Looking back it was. I was. BUT I've so much compassion & love for that person. She did her best at the time, she taught me a ton & she was 'good' at the job. But as you can see...I didn't FEEL good. I was tired, stressed, achy beyond my years, no energy & no way to refill my well- to dig out- to get back on top of it. To be me. One of my big A-Ha's around this issue of choosing to act on emotions like this is that I began to hear myself tell myself excuses for the bad behavior towards others or myself. For example, if I was cranky with someone I would hear myself say, 'You did that because you're not feeling well.' Or 'I haven't eaten yet, so I have a right to act like that." Or 'I haven't had a day off in 10 days, so [...]

Hello dear ones! On this blustery Samhain (pronounced sau-win) I thought I'd share a wee couple of poems I recently scribbled. ------------- a shout from the wind and all the leaves jump from the tree and run across the lawn to safe harbor at every nook they can put themselves. --------------- the trees celebrate the close of the season with a burst of confetti before retiring for the long winter's rest. -------------- Now I'm off to sit in the front of the fire & enjoy All Hallows' Eve. Hope you do too!

We all have those little gremlins lurking in our heads, telling us all that we didn't do or that we screwed up or that we left that out or we just generally suck. What can we do to stop that gremlin?! What can we do to change the wiring in our heads that leads to that tape of negative self-talk playing over and over and over? It is a hard thing to change, especially if it is a regular way of thinking for you. I fell into it in certain situations and places--UNTIL I decided that I was going to CHANGE! I decided I didn't always want be judging, complaining and whining in my head. I wanted to have better thoughts. I wanted to have joy in my life. I wanted to feel as much as joy as I could. So I practiced. At first it was really hard and I sucked at it. The gremlins still got me. Ran me through the ringer. I kept on that treadmill---playing that same old tape about how bad this is, how that guy is so lazy, how she doesn't do what she is supposed to do, how they keep showing up with the same questions and on and on. I was complaining about everyone and then about myself. UGH! Painful. All of this in my head. Hurting me. I kept trying, kept practicing and I wrangled up some new ways to trap those gremlins and send them off to Pluto. I changed the tape through silly games. Guess what? Silly games, work. You might laugh. I might seem shallow. I might seem focused on the petty, but you know what my games keep me positive and have trained me out of the negative self-talk and complaining habit. So my games, if that [...]

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