Preview — Hurt
by Varian Krylov

Hurt

Willful Vanka thinks she is dying. Galen, a famous actor, feels his life has become a superficial mirage. And beautiful Khalid can only love people who hurt him. When these three find themselves caught up in each others' lives, will their risky games of domination and submission destroy them? Or will they find solace from a lifetime of hurt?

Let's not beat around the bush because the reader should know that this book deals with breast cancer. I don't consider this information a real spoiler. Every reader has to make up her/his mind if she/he is willing to deal with this aspect5+++ painful and emotional stars.*****Review completed March 11, 2013

Let's not beat around the bush because the reader should know that this book deals with breast cancer. I don't consider this information a real spoiler. Every reader has to make up her/his mind if she/he is willing to deal with this aspect of the story. I was never personally affected by breast cancer and reading this story wrecked me. Hence, I cannot imagine how breast cancer patients must feel while reading Hurt. As far as I can judge it must be beyond painful, beyond finding any appropriate words to describe their feelings.

"You don't have to pretend to be okay all of the time, you know. It's all right to be afraid. To be weak. It's okay to freak out."

Even her wound. The incision, with its coarse, hair-like sutures. It was raw. An opening in the fragile mortal barrier to death. A mark of vulnerability. Of frail human flesh. It belied all the artifice, the grotesque masks she, he, everyone put forth for others to look at and touch.(…)

I'm not sure if I can find the right words to convey my feelings for this book, let alone form a coherent sentence at the moment. In fact, I feel drained, sad and happy all at the same time. If you decide to read Hurt then you profess yourself to a tough ride that provides many ups and downs--more downs as a matter of fact. The author is cutting mercilessly yet powerfully through a vast landscape of pain more pain, insecurities, denial, fear, passion and a deep love.

"I trust Galen, Vanka. That…deeply. Perhaps you cannot trust his judgment. But you can trust his…his intent. He would never deliberately harm you. Except to please you. Or, rather, to give you what you need." He paused for a while, then added, "I'm sure you've noticed. He's very intuitive. Are you getting what you need?"

Hurt seized my mind, my emotions and my heart. It choked me up. It made me cry. From the very beginning the beauty of the rain set the pace and the ethereal atmosphere of the multilayered plot. It was masterfully done. Granted, there is plenty--and I mean plenty--of highly erotic and arousing sex, and I was honestly astonished to see that the sex never overwhelmed the story itself. If anything, it was a means to an end to reveal the main protagonists' subtle web of shortcomings as well as to fully develop the plot.

The head games…trying to escape the reality, pain and fear. Also, exploring and pushing boundaries…

"It excites me, the way your fear arouses you."

I feel almost bad for admitting it but I never thought that I would actually enjoy a love triangle. But it somehow felt…right and something that feels right can’t be wrong. Having said this, it wouldn't work for me in real life but who am I to judge? Love is love. Love comes in different colors, shapes and forms at different times and places. And the love between Galen, Khalid and Vanka is all-encompassing, deep and profound. Hurt is a story of three complex, flawed and hurt people who embark upon a journey to cope with their issues, to find their true self and to recognize and accept love eventually. I craved to see the unraveling of their state of mind. Also, I think the author did an outstanding job at depicting this journey in a way that made me devour the book. And even more so she let me, as the reader, draw my own conclusions. Besides, she evoked the MCs mutual pain and need hauntingly beautiful and through their reciprocal suffering she let them heal each other. Each saw what the other needed and they cared for each other's well-being.

"(…)I'd been physically transplanted into an alien world. It was amazing. That's what I loved about acting, for so long. Getting to live different lives, like a fantasy. But after a while, it feels kind of pathetic. Empty. I've started to wonder who I actually am. I've spent so much time pretending, developing all these personas that have nothing to do with my real life. Creating facsimiles of lives, of relationships. I'm a little sick of pretending."

Here are some more of my thoughts. I'm sorry but I had to spoiler tag them.

At 54 % it hit me with full force. I felt that Vanka being so gangly, boyish and androgynous had to be perfect for Galen. And even more so when Vanka's brother told Galen that Vanka is a boy's name. It just fit. Well, I can't be sure if the author did it intentionally but to me it would seem that she transformed Vanka into someone who corresponds better to Galen's tastes on a physical level. He was never extremely fixed on her breasts anyway. Having said that I wouldn't want to do him wrong, and even though Galen is bisexual I just think he is more gay than straight. I'm sorry if this sounds stupid but I can't say it any better.

Galen was talking about being tired of pretending, and I always thought that he was pretending when it came to his feelings for Khalid. Boy, was I ever wrong though. Truth be told, it came as a real surprise and I didn't expect this specific revelation at all when he told Vanka that he loved Khalid for a long time already and that he was afraid of losing him.

I'm still surprised how easy and hard I fell for Khalid because I was not happy how he treated Galen. In a way he seemed to "force" Galen to have sex with him but as the story progressed I got to know him better and everything made sense in a matter of speaking.

Also, I was wondering if Vanka would have been willing to have 'kinky' sex if she hadn't been ill. I really think her illness helped to soften her boundaries, to relinquish control and to put herself into Galen's hands. On the other hand, Galen made her feel alive and he knew what she needed. It was a means to an end to cope with her fear of an imminent death and in a way to escape or to control her anguishes. (hide spoiler)]

"(…)Or if me being here hurts you," he said in a tender voice, "I'll understand."She finally managed to whisper, "I don't want you to go."

There. There was the look of hurt. Sadness.

She worked at letting him. This was part of it. Letting him look. Letting him touch.

His body against hers, inside hers, strong and warm. In every breath she smelled him, tasted him. He was all she heard, all she felt. There was nothing but them.

She sank against him, sank down, and he sank down with her, her hurt swallowing him, his sobs rising and spilling over. He held her tight to him, their tears wetting each others' faces. "I'm sorry, Vanka. I'm sorry."

"(…)Here, you might have to let go of the wheel, for once. She's making her way back to you, her own way, in her own time. Trust her to come back to you, Galen."

"I want to come home."

After her treatment Khalid was the first man to show her that she will always be beautiful no matter what, but Galen was the first who made love to her.

Hurt is an amazing book and as I mentioned already it is so much more than sublime erotica. Hurt depicts a thought-provoking journey of three wounded souls and you will experience that so much beauty and love can grow out of this almost unbearable pain. Hence, the author conveyed a powerful message through her work. This book has it all: plenty of well-written and erotic sex scenes, emotion, multilayered characters, a well thought out plot and last but not least beautiful prose. I'd like to encourage you to explore the hidden depth behind those sad eyes of Galen, Khalid and Vanka. Although it's a painful and at times even dark journey, it is incredibly intriguing and in the end also very rewarding. Fair warning though, this soulful trip might shred you to pieces. Be brave!

This is such a hard book to rate. I thought I had read this story line before, but not like this. Never like this. Not with this kind of gray somber, melancholy atmosphere that seeps through the pages to envelope the reader.

The emotional game play is disturbing, frustrating, angsty and totally evocative. The authors writing is powerful and beautiful, probably the only reason I stayed with this book.

Three characters who are all hurt and damaged, facing fears, hiding behind walls, giving hope andThis is such a hard book to rate. I thought I had read this story line before, but not like this. Never like this. Not with this kind of gray somber, melancholy atmosphere that seeps through the pages to envelope the reader.

The emotional game play is disturbing, frustrating, angsty and totally evocative. The authors writing is powerful and beautiful, probably the only reason I stayed with this book.

Three characters who are all hurt and damaged, facing fears, hiding behind walls, giving hope and snatching it back. The games they play is a push and pull contradiction of hurt, need, hope and sometimes beauty.

I didn't give two shits for Vanka or Galen, there was no connection with them. Khalid is the shining star here. I ache for Kahlid.

I was quite shocked that the blurb does not state the fact that this book deals with cancer. This is a very intimate heartbreaking look at dealing with Breast cancer; which if I had known, I would have avoided. For me, it hits too close to home. Too much to deal with when all you want to do is escape in fiction.I would usually hide this fact behind a spoiler, but a lot of people have been affected by this disease and should know that there is nothing hidden here, it's all flayed open, compounded with the authors powerful and compelling writing.

This is superb writing, an emotional journey with much drama, maybe too much drama for me. There is a LOT of sex, some of it is beautiful sensuality, some is painful and hurtful, but always highly erotic.

This would have been 5 stars if this book had been my *thing* but it's not. I can't say I enjoyed it. I appreciate the authors immense talent but this was not for me.

What did I receive from this book?Three beings roughly manhandled by life, damaged in their sense of self and self value, in their identity.Three hurting, scared souls among milliards, falling apart. Three complex, flawed and caring persons, trying to master pain and fear, playing mind games, sex games, imprisoning themselves and the other behind protective walls and struggling to be, to love and be loved.

Krylov’s powerfully evocative wriGR is asking me what I think : will I ever find the words?

What did I receive from this book?Three beings roughly manhandled by life, damaged in their sense of self and self value, in their identity.Three hurting, scared souls among milliards, falling apart. Three complex, flawed and caring persons, trying to master pain and fear, playing mind games, sex games, imprisoning themselves and the other behind protective walls and struggling to be, to love and be loved.

Krylov’s powerfully evocative writing kept me captivated in this journey among human condition, she never gave me the easy route to be a step ahead of the characters and it was an amazing, often unsettling and hurtful, always profound and finally beautiful journey.

I can only touch upon the intensity of this book, the best is to discover it by yourself, I believe. And embark in your own journey.

Note : I add a much needed warning that the story deals with breast cancer and I want to stress how difficult and possibly hurtful for the reader this book can be.

This is really hard for me to review. I really have mixed emotions when it comes to it. This book is hard and it literally hurts all the time you read it, because there's nothing but hurt in it. In the beginning I liked it, I liked Galen a lot. Then I hated him and my heart ached for Khalid! And even though you feel Vanka's hurt all the time, I just couldn't connect so much to her as a character. Her pain hit close to home and it was really hard to read it, but I was prep

I just can't decide.....

This is really hard for me to review. I really have mixed emotions when it comes to it. This book is hard and it literally hurts all the time you read it, because there's nothing but hurt in it. In the beginning I liked it, I liked Galen a lot. Then I hated him and my heart ached for Khalid! And even though you feel Vanka's hurt all the time, I just couldn't connect so much to her as a character. Her pain hit close to home and it was really hard to read it, but I was prepared for it. And even though I sympathized with her I just couldn't love her. And even though she brought Galen and Khalid more together than ever, I just felt all the time like she is ripping them apart, even though that wasn't the case at all. And in one moment I couldn't care less for Vanka and Galen because I loved Khalid more than anything. But then I couldn't love Khalid and Vanka because I didn't want Galen to hurt. As a trio they never hurt, but as mixed couples I just couldn't pick sides. And they aren't mixed as couples, they are one unity, but I felt all the time like they are never as one all together. I needed time to bring my thoughts together, but I have a feeling they are more all over the place than before.

And the writing style is beautiful. I had a feeling like they are whispering all the time, like every conversation is soft for your ears. And I loved how they say each others names ALL THE TIME. I would usually hate that, but here it was like some whispering comfort.

The one thing I didn't like was that it had too much sex... Like, all the time sex... A lot of sex... Constantly having sex... It was just too much of it. Just too much. And yes, it was beautifully written, but I was simply overloaded with it.

And I still don't know how to rate it, and I won't ever know because I love it and don't love it. I loved Galen and Khalid the most, them as a couple, them as one, even though they have a pretty effed up relationship. But I loved them and found them perfect together. And sometimes I felt like Vanka is sticking her nose in their business, and telling them how they should act, like she is with them for years and not weeks.

I don't know...

I just don't know...

Just because I won't rate it, it doesn't mean I didn't like it at all.I just can't decide. I feel like if I give it 4 or 5 stars it is like loving Vanka and her story, when that wasn't so much of a case. I felt more love for Galen and Khalid than for Vanka. More of everything.

"Do you think a person can love, be in love with more than one person?"

If your answer to that question is anything less than the affirmative, then this book is definitely not going to make sense. Personally, I'd answer that question with a yes but with many qualifiers, which I guess explains a lot about how I feel towards this book.

Menage stories thus far is still very foreign to me, particularly those that strive to work the characters involved into an actual relationship. I have3.5 STARS

"Do you think a person can love, be in love with more than one person?"

If your answer to that question is anything less than the affirmative, then this book is definitely not going to make sense. Personally, I'd answer that question with a yes but with many qualifiers, which I guess explains a lot about how I feel towards this book.

Menage stories thus far is still very foreign to me, particularly those that strive to work the characters involved into an actual relationship. I have a great deal of difficulty reconciling the intense psychological and physical concepts I'm bound to be confronted with. I've only read one of Varian Krylov's works and she writes pretty intensely and graphically that stamping her name in a menage plot has overkill written all over it.

This actually reads like a 5-star book but Hurt just felt a little too intense. We always complain about the lack of character depth in some of the erotica books out there but this one had me lost and confounded in each of the characters' dimensions. So much that I sometimes couldn't reconcile Galen's character when he's with Vanka and when he's with Khalid and vice versa…and er, vice again.

This is a book about needs and people finding ways to satisfy it and be satisfied of it. All that in the messy context of love.

It felt like reading an extended dream sequence where certain lengths made sense then it shifts gears and have that hazy and fuzzy logic: logical actions taken on urges that a person with a pedestrian lifestyle will probably never have.

It did get a little too heavy on the sex. I'm the kind of reader who enjoys the raunchy in my erotic reads but it did get too mechanical/technical in stretches, especially between Vanka and Khalid, I think this is my first read involving (view spoiler)[a modified strap-on action (hide spoiler)] and believe me that's intentional. So much so that my favorite bits were (view spoiler)[Galen and Vanka's moments after her mastectomy when he'd care for her (hide spoiler)] because I get to see them beyond beings with holes getting pumped and filled.

Galen and Khalid's relationship was an entire psych dissertation on its own. I'm relatively new in reading M/M relationships in books and honestly I prefer it when (view spoiler)[both parties know what they want and have both feet in the pool. Galen's uncertainty is one of the things about slash fiction that makes me queasy. Don't ask me why, but reading about a straight man struggle and come to terms with new, homosexual urges (hide spoiler)] makes me fidget a bit. His love and his fears when it comes to Khalid feel too enormous that I have a hard time rationalizing him as the same man who is also (view spoiler)[suffering in his love for Vanka (hide spoiler)].

After reading Lost I was wondering what treasures Krylov has in her arsenal of the perverse and while I can't claim to understand the entirety of this deep introspection on love, trust and need, I can't say I'm not impressed. Her strength certainly lies in the poetry of her narrative. She painted an excruciatingly vivid narrative picture in this novel that earned more awe from me than any exuberant depiction of oral sex could ever do. Vanka's hospital scenes, the raw despair in the narration, stands out to me more than anything.

"I feel like the rest of me just caught up. I want you with everything in me. I want you so badly, there's not room for anything else."

I'm just a sucker for simple words strung together in beautiful, artless honesty....more

ETA 5/2014: With talk of a June release of Dangerously Happy, thought it was time for a reread of this favorite book to see if my feelings for it are still warranted. I've read many books since my original reading in July 2011 and several rereads since and I'm happy to say, this still stands head and shoulders above many of the books I've read since then.

~~~Original Review - Edited a bit~~~Vanka met Galen Ross in an unusual way 5 hours after she had broken up with boyfriend of two years.★★★★★

ETA 5/2014: With talk of a June release of Dangerously Happy, thought it was time for a reread of this favorite book to see if my feelings for it are still warranted. I've read many books since my original reading in July 2011 and several rereads since and I'm happy to say, this still stands head and shoulders above many of the books I've read since then.

~~~Original Review - Edited a bit~~~Vanka met Galen Ross in an unusual way 5 hours after she had broken up with boyfriend of two years. Vanka and Galen both had big secrets - Vanka was 27 years old and had just had a lumpectomy - her mother dead at 29 (Vanka was 6) and her aunt dead at 31 of breast cancer and she's strongly considering a preemptive double mastectomy and Galen had a longtime male lover, Khalid (who had his own dark secret to deal with) whom he had met in France when he was shooting a movie. The relationship between the three stumbled and grew. Trust was a strong issue for all three.

However, what I think is really important about this book is how the two men resolved their differences and Galen can accept his feelings for Khalid and Vanka was able to heal from her double mastectomy and how each man in his own way accepted her warts and all and made her believe again and and made this a strong permanent menage, each contributing their own strengths to the others' weaknesses.

This is one of the best mmf menage books I've read and it's definitely a reread for me.

~~~A ReRead - Don't know when thoughETA - this is one of those that will stay with me. I just reread - this author doesn't sugarcoat things. I understand the feelings and motivations of the characters. Since I have not had cancer, I don't know if the story is realistic but it rings true to me....more

"He held her huddled against his body as her grief tore her apart. It was a betrayal. Theatened. Hurt. To have her power,her control-or the illusion of it-ripped away."

This story is so very powerful--so beautifully written--I hope others can read this as a story of three damaged people coming together and finding peace and love--I know first hand the grief and agony felt when you hear the words "breast cancer"--to have your control over your body taken away--the author has written an accurate ac"He held her huddled against his body as her grief tore her apart. It was a betrayal. Theatened. Hurt. To have her power,her control-or the illusion of it-ripped away."

This story is so very powerful--so beautifully written--I hope others can read this as a story of three damaged people coming together and finding peace and love--I know first hand the grief and agony felt when you hear the words "breast cancer"--to have your control over your body taken away--the author has written an accurate account of the journey--please read it...more

This book blew my mind, it was that damn good. I'll definitely have to read it a second time; on the first go-round, I read it so quickly my fingers were getting wobbly! Everyone should read this book. Wait, that's probably not right. In fact, there are two main issues that could put off potential readers: the breast cancer and a strain of dubious consent. I'll talk about the breast cancer now and the dubious consent under the cut.

This is not just a book about a three-way relationship (althoughThis book blew my mind, it was that damn good. I'll definitely have to read it a second time; on the first go-round, I read it so quickly my fingers were getting wobbly! Everyone should read this book. Wait, that's probably not right. In fact, there are two main issues that could put off potential readers: the breast cancer and a strain of dubious consent. I'll talk about the breast cancer now and the dubious consent under the cut.

This is not just a book about a three-way relationship (although it is, I think, the best MMF book I have ever read). It's also about the relationship of a woman to her own body, pre- and post-mastectomy, and about her relationship with death. I have a light history of breast cancer in my family, although no one has died of it, and I still found the book very hard to read at certain points. Vanka has to construct a new sexuality for herself that is not defined by her operation but still incorporates it. The descriptions of this process are raw in physical terms and even rawer in emotional terms.

I'll also admit right here in this review: I almost always hate hurt/comfort narratives in romance or erotica. I understand their appeal on a logical basis in terms of exciting extremes of emotion and power play. But I just don't find them sexy. The only thing less sexy to me than caregiving is the idea of someone taking care of me. So the why the hell did I love this book called "Hurt"? Maybe because the sex didn't really rise from comforting, but developed in an antagonistic relationship with it. Vanka handles her diagnosis with a complicated mixture of laudable stoicism and stupid denialism which ends up harming some innocent people in her life. It's a flawed but totally understandable reaction. And her lovers are also flawed and understandable as we gradually come to understand the issues that are messing them up.

Let me count some of the ways that this stands up above the glut of unreadable menage. There's a vibrant atmosphere to this book. The characters have distinctive voices. No, they don't exactly talk like real people, but they talk with a compelling fluidity, so that the long passages of dialogue that occasionally pop up are breathlessly gorgeous. Especially Khalid. I just want him to keep talking and talking. The descriptive language is so sensuous (there's one part where Vanka is just staring at a grapefruit that stunned me with its prose style) that it creates a kind of suspended reality or lucid dream effect upon reading. There's real suspense. I truly did not know what was going to happen next at many points, and parts of the revealed backstories shocked the hell out of me. This is a multicultural/interracial relationship where people's cultural backgrounds are an integral part of their identity. So was their sexuality and gender identity. One of the men has serious issues with internalized homophobia, for example. And the menage relationship was incredibly complicated, more than the sum of its parts… parts which were themselves complicated. Finally, if you get turned on by intellectual history, this book will thrill your pretentious soul like it did mine. I've never read a more charming combination of ass-f*cking and French existentialist name-dropping.

I will now go on to talk about the dubious consent under the cut. But if you're not put off already, I suggest you just buy the damn book and let it be a surprise because you will almost certainly love it. This was 100k words and I would have enjoyed it at twice the length.

(view spoiler)[OK, the sex. This book starts off with the roughest sex, and from there it really goes all over the map, including strap-on and fem-dom. The first chapters have some raw male-dom/female submissive stuff that does not strike me at all as SSC BDSM. But it's done in a way that seems very real and appropriate to the characters. Where they are in their life, they're not good at communicating limits, and they want to be pushed over their limits. Several times in the book in both het and gay sex you have passages where one character says no and another keeps going because they could tell the other person really didn't mean it (and there weren't safe words established). But I don't get a sense that the narrative itself approves of this, or get a vibe of "if someone liked it, it wasn't rape". In fact, there are multiple times when a character freaks out because they realize that what they did could, indeed, be rape. Personally, I love reading about rough sex and fighting sex and being pushed over limits but there's a line I hate to cross and this book sort of hovered on the edge of that. There's even a flashback to gunplay between the two men and damn it was hot. But some of the things that happen in this book could cross over reader limits, although there's no heavy S&M at all. Still, I found the stuff more affecting than many books I've read thatdo have heavy S&M.

There is not a single classic sandwich in this book that I remember. I didn't miss it, though, because the sex was so imaginative and fitting to the characters' emotional states. The ass-f*cking during chemotherapy was surprisingly hot. Does that sound wrong? It was wrong. But still hot. (hide spoiler)]

Lastly, the flaws. This book could have used better editing and formatting. There were multiple instances of dropped quote marks in the first half of the book. Chapters weren't demarcated well and seemed to cut off at almost random points. Several transitions were problematic. Some adjectives (e.g. "umber") and adjective-noun pairs suffered from unnecessary repetition. I think the French language portions lacked accent marks. But really, that's all that stuck out for me.

I loved the book, loved the emotional journey, and I'm already on the lookout for more books by the author. ...more

I loved this book as much as my black heart could love. Seriously. At the beginning I was like - what the fuck, I've read this storyline a thousand times before - but I was oh so sweetly deluded. I loved Khalid here. I didn't give a single fuck about Vanka and Galen (but Vanka's father kinda stole my heart in a different way). I just loved this sad, heartbroken Algerian. Sue me.Highly recommended.

A fantastic emotional journey, this book was incredibly difficult to read.

Vanka, a woman diagnosed with breast cancer meets Galen a jaded movie star. Things are going well between them as a pair and the relationship soon evolves to include Galen’s part time lover Khalid. The book is an exploration of how events and emotions can affect the dynamic of a relationship and the growth the characters experience as a result.

A fantastic emotional journey, this book was incredibly difficult to read.

Vanka, a woman diagnosed with breast cancer meets Galen a jaded movie star. Things are going well between them as a pair and the relationship soon evolves to include Galen’s part time lover Khalid. The book is an exploration of how events and emotions can affect the dynamic of a relationship and the growth the characters experience as a result.

It is a very intimate snapshot and as a reader you are aware that life is continuing on around the three but we are purely focused on this relationship. The more I write reviews the more I don’t like talking about plot, the enjoyment in books such as this lies in going on the journey as blind as our characters.

This is probably Krylov’s most accessible work even so it won’t reach a wide audience which is a shame as many people would fall in love with this book. The sex is used not primarily for sexual gratification but as a tool for the characters to deal with other issues within their lives. It’s a physical manifestation of hidden emotions like guilt or fear.

I don’t think you can simply read this book. It is not light reading- you kind of have to give yourself emotionally. There is not much action at all if I'm honest this book is complete and utter raw emotion. Unless you are willing to immerse yourself in the characters and go with them and their thought processes you can get lost.

Watching Vanka struggle with her femininity and self-worth was heart-breaking, Watching Galen’s journey was stunning- the Galen from the beginning of the book is almost unrecognizable at the end. Poor Khalid, I don’t even know what to say about him other than I loved him and felt for him. I would like more Khalid, he is an enigma and I would like to find out everything about him.

The whole book is relentlessly emotional. By far the most tender, raw thing I have ever read. If you are in the mood for something beautiful, difficult, tragic and sweet this is that book....more

I truly believe that love, and I mean deep, profound and enduring love comes in many forms. That our antiquated belief that it can only be found between one man and one woman is flawed. This story proves that love can exist between two men and a woman. That the type of love we all yearn for can be found in places we perhaps least expect it.

This novel left me breathless.

The writing waThe older I get the more convinced of somethings I become.

Reading this story only reinforces this belief.

I truly believe that love, and I mean deep, profound and enduring love comes in many forms. That our antiquated belief that it can only be found between one man and one woman is flawed. This story proves that love can exist between two men and a woman. That the type of love we all yearn for can be found in places we perhaps least expect it.

This novel left me breathless.

The writing was achingly beautiful, the writing gentle yet arousing.

It made me a believer that the broken and hurt can find peace and love within themselves and through each other.

Galen, Vanka and Khalid are all broken in different ways, searching for something that is just a finger tip away yet remains elusive. The story is about finding strength, finding love and finding peace, about lifting the veil of fear surrendering to the pull of love and contentment. It is about the battle weary finding a reprieve. The story is neither fluffy nor dark but, is a gentle portrayal of raw and painful emotions that tug on any sympathetic bone you might have.

It is a HEA type story but the ending felt fluid and open-ended as if it could be picked up at any given moment in time and continued. I liked this. My mind has gone wild thinking about and plotting out how their lives continued, how they made a life together, how they found their 'fit'.

This is easily a 5 star read and I can't wait to read it again once I catch my breath!...more

4.25 StarsThat's the first polyamory history with two men and a women that I've read, and I've found it very interesting, even if the topic of the book is a hard issue that maybe some people will try to avoid, because it could be very painful, even if I think it is well treated, I know there are readers who do not like reading about it, so read the blurb before regret it.Galen and Khalib are two men with an established, but with issues relationship, who meet Vanka, a woman who gets into their li4.25 StarsThat's the first polyamory history with two men and a women that I've read, and I've found it very interesting, even if the topic of the book is a hard issue that maybe some people will try to avoid, because it could be very painful, even if I think it is well treated, I know there are readers who do not like reading about it, so read the blurb before regret it.Galen and Khalib are two men with an established, but with issues relationship, who meet Vanka, a woman who gets into their lives in fortuite circumstances after having a big health issue that made her reconsider how to face this new stage in his life, taking a big but hurtful decision. It begins then an extraordinary relationship where Vanka seems to cover the lost pieces in Galen and Khalib relationship, and they both love her in differents ways, making her whole again.They learn to trust and love the other, as none had done before.

The book is very well written and I loved the characters, above all Khalib. There is a lot of sex in a lot of forms and combinations, and maybe what I missed more was a little of introspection of the characters, I couldn't get into their minds, I missed a little of inner dialogue, but it really is a great book....more

Hurt is a story encompassing three lives that were injured, one due to breast cancer, and the way they needed each other to move on from the hurt. There are painful moments that, as I woman, I think a lot of us fear. There were moments that remind you how much love can heal the pain of being hurt. Above all, it reminds you how much trust is needed.

There Is a sensuality that leaves you breathing a little quicker; every sexual moment pushing each character further towards what each person needed.Hurt is a story encompassing three lives that were injured, one due to breast cancer, and the way they needed each other to move on from the hurt. There are painful moments that, as I woman, I think a lot of us fear. There were moments that remind you how much love can heal the pain of being hurt. Above all, it reminds you how much trust is needed.

There Is a sensuality that leaves you breathing a little quicker; every sexual moment pushing each character further towards what each person needed. It's a tender, sensual read that made me relate to all of the MCs. It's not an overly gushy book full of poems - but a solid building of love and trust between three people. ...more

I have read many books and I have been aroused, emotionally drained, but nothing has affected me like Hurt by Varian Krylov. It is a beautiful, emotional read that will stay with me for a long time.

This book deserves wide recognition. Intrigued by this writer I have looked up her other books and was shocked to find out that she has not written in a long time. Hurt is her most recent but Varian Krylov don’t stop with this book. You need to start writing again…………………….please?

This book is a must rI have read many books and I have been aroused, emotionally drained, but nothing has affected me like Hurt by Varian Krylov. It is a beautiful, emotional read that will stay with me for a long time.

This book deserves wide recognition. Intrigued by this writer I have looked up her other books and was shocked to find out that she has not written in a long time. Hurt is her most recent but Varian Krylov don’t stop with this book. You need to start writing again…………………….please?

This book is a must read. It deals with sensitive issues (breast cancer) and to a degree consent issues. It is not just a story about a three way relationship but I have to say this is one of the best MMF books I have ever read.

Varian Krylov also brings into the story the relationship of a woman with her own body, pre- and post-mastectomy, and about her relationship with death. Vanka has to reconstruct a different kind of sexuality for herself that is not defined by her mastectomy but incorporates it. The way the writing that describe this process is raw in physical terms and even rawer in emotional terms.

This is my kind of book. The characters have voices, distinct and fluid. The descriptive language is sensuous. The writing just draws you in.

There is also the unravelling of the stories of Galen and Khalid. The author brings into the story multicultural/interracial relationship where their cultural backgrounds sexuality and gender are an integral part of their identity. Galen has issues with homophobia, which leads to the ménage relationship being complicated.

The dubious consent – well was it really dubious? I will leave that with you to decide. It did not make me cringe or squirm because it was a surprise and I loved the way it was written.

The sex is blazing hot and starts off with rough sex and from there it really goes across the map but again don’t let it put you off because it was done in a way that was real and appropriate to the characters. The characters are not good at communicating their limits but you do know they want to be pushed over those limits. The line is not crossed here with the rough sex.

I simply loved this book and Varian Kyrov’s writing, the whole package. I did not want it to end and I cannot recommend it enough.

Hurt is an m/m/f story that would be best described as beautifully tragic.

I called this erotica, because while it has the plot of a romance and the characters declare their love for each other...the relationship feel incredibly fragile, like one wrong word could make it shatter.

The story feels almost dream like, with the reader feeling only the first layer of emotions, the rest being hidden behind a veil. I feel like this was a good thing. I think if that veil was reWow...where do I even start?

Hurt is an m/m/f story that would be best described as beautifully tragic.

I called this erotica, because while it has the plot of a romance and the characters declare their love for each other...the relationship feel incredibly fragile, like one wrong word could make it shatter.

The story feels almost dream like, with the reader feeling only the first layer of emotions, the rest being hidden behind a veil. I feel like this was a good thing. I think if that veil was removed, it would be too much.

The characters all have distict personalities. One reason why I normally don't read menage is because the characters seem to be interchangealbe but here each person has their own past, their own story to tell...their own reason to be in this relationship.

What I loved about this book was that the characters discussed jelousy between partners. I loved that--in other menages I've read (mainly short stories) the characters just seem to be okay with sharing no matter what. Here everyone had real emotions--jelousy did happen, and it was talked about.

Without all three members, this relationship wouldn't have worked. Each person is vital to make it whole. It felt like one relationship...and even though it was dark (and in some places it was disturbing) it was beautiful.

Hurt is much more than a love story, much more than erotica. It's about loss, love, grief, learning how to deal with tragedy...but in the end it's about hope....more

The beginning of the book was very detailed. Too detailed, down to the bush he had in his back yard. Then it got kinda normal in the middle. Then days would pass with a couple of pages so it seemed rushed at the end.

The sex scenes in the very beginning was again... very detailed but it seemed like the sex scenes I wanted detail on, they kinda faded to black.

I wanted to like it more than I did but this is the first book I read by Varian Krylov so... maybe it's her style.

Gitte: I am sat here Jenny and I actually have no idea how or where to start this review, it was just so different to anything I have read in a long while. It was a hard read, and it hurt. It hurt so much that at times I wanted to put it down, but I just couldn’t.

To be honest, this book is certainly not for everyone. It will definitely push boundaries for some readers. In particular; readers who are or have been personally affected by breast c4.5 stars. Reviewed for http://totallybookedblog.com/

Gitte: I am sat here Jenny and I actually have no idea how or where to start this review, it was just so different to anything I have read in a long while. It was a hard read, and it hurt. It hurt so much that at times I wanted to put it down, but I just couldn’t.

To be honest, this book is certainly not for everyone. It will definitely push boundaries for some readers. In particular; readers who are or have been personally affected by breast cancer.

This story, I can imagine, would be very painful and tough in respect to the main themes, which are control and fear. Control of our lives, our bodies and our minds. Control of others. Fear of what is to come or what will be and of what we have left behind and can be no more. Fear of others.

I cried so many times reading this book that I lost count. But I remember exactly why I cried, how I felt, how at times I had to catch my breath and no doubt about it this story will stay with me for a long long time.

Now, because of the emotions it drew out of me, because I felt a lump in my throat through every page turn, because of these three broken, vulnerable yet somehow strong and inspirational characters; Galen, Vanka & Khalid…….I have to give it 5 stars, I can’t not.

It is so very dark, so very heart breaking, so very intense….so very REAL.

It is also extremely erotic yet not always ‘comfortable to read erotica’. Sometimes it made for uncomfortable reading when control and fear was brought into the equation of three.

The writing of this Author is brilliant; no doubt about it, her heart is stamped on every single page. Leaving behind a journey that is so raw and ‘ugly’ yet so beautiful; so very devastating yet hopeful and inspiring.

Jenny: I agree Gitte. Because of the sheer scale of feelings I encountered reading this book and the fact that it evoked such strong emotions in me, how can I not rate it highly. I too have sat here wondering how I can best convey my thoughts about this book and it is difficult. Unlike you, I actually did put this book down at 40% and thought I couldn’t continue. It was killing me. I was just so……unbearably sad reading it.

Breast Cancer is very raw for me and this was written from a place which felt so incredibly real, a little too uncomfortably real for me at times, but I sat myself down and I didn’t move until I finished. This book was so much more than what I originally expected it to be, so very much more.

I ached and cried, and whilst I can’t say I “enjoyed” this read, I can say I am so grateful I pushed through because I was afforded such an amazing reading experience, one that will stay with me for a long time to come , you don’t forget a book like this in a hurry and even now I can’t stop thinking about it.

This ménage book took me way out of my comfort zone at times that’s for sure. Some scenes were hard to read, be it based on the theme or the sex partially based at times on fear, dominance and control did force me to push through my levels of comfort but it was absolutely worth every minute.

The characters moved me to the ninth degree. The determined, pragmatic Vanka who is convinced she is dying. Galen, the movie star who appears to have it all, yet feel s his life is a shallow illusion. Khalid, beautiful Khalid who has known so much tragedy in life and can only know love through hurt.

These characters broke my heart, they seared my soul. Theirs is not always a happy journey, in fact at times it is downright sad as you experience their desolation, but it is one that will crush your heart as it did mine, but there are also glimpses of light and times of tenderness that will steal your breath away.

Gitte: We all want to find the power of the three’s; peace, love and happiness. It’s a cliché but we do, however life’s randomly thrown obstacles do not make this an easy journey. The path and the obstacles unique to the individual, not presented exactly as we perhaps may have expected or believed.

A chance meeting between three people whose lives become interwoven, who each seek in each other something different; to heal them, to give them strength to show them trust and teach them how. To embrace fear and to understand that life and love is fragile. The thread that holds lives together and ties one to the other can easily be frayed, broken and torn by the all-encompassing HURT.

Vanka, Galen & Khalid broke my heart. Each for their own individual reasons. Their personal journeys in this story so different, yet all three entwined.

This is not a pretty soft story wrapped up in shiny layers and a sparkling bow. Well on the surface it is not. Rather, it is a raw and gritty, sharp and multi sharp angled story wrapped up in barbed wire. Once you unravel the layers that hurt and cut you deep, you are amazed by the vulnerability, the love, the compassion and the

If you willingly relinquish control or if control is taken away from you…..

What are you left with?

If you live in perpetual fear or force it upon yourself…..

Where do you go from there and how far are you willing to go?

Jenny: This story about chance meeting, fate, destiny, pain and heartache was so profoundly moving, touching and at times disturbing in its themes and uncomfortable in the erotic sexual MMF content, but it was also brilliantly written and so compelling from start to finish that I found this wasn’t just a read, but more like an experience.

Galen, so intuitively in sync with Vanka rendered me breathless in some scenes. This man could show such tenderness, compassion, and sensitivity and could care for Vanka and her needs with an unyielding kindness, yet in other ways could be somewhat cruel, so closed off.

“You look……….” Galen came up short. Speechless. Possibly a first.“Stunning?” She prompted. “Fabulous?”“Ethereal.” He finally said, his voice a little choked.

Vanka, so guarded and closed, stoic, selfless and suffering through an unimaginable experience, trying to make sense of life and thinking of the ones she will leave behind.

“I can take care of myself. I have to be able to take care of myself.”“Not all the time. Not now”

The relationship between Khalid and Galen was the one I found the saddest and hardest to read. Theirs was such a complicated story and the beautiful Khalid…so patient, so loving, yet so hurt who only wanted to feel and know love.

It is the coming together of all three, the hurt and the pain they all share and the comfort they bring one another, how they could all serves one another’s needs.

“Most people are in love with more than one person during their lifetime.”“Or they don’t admit it when it happens”

This book will not appeal to everyone and as I’ve said I did find it hard going at times, but I would implore you to pick up a copy of Hurt and give it a go, because this an experience like no other....more

This book is about Vanka the breast cancer patient, Galen the movie star and Khalid the former prostitute.

There were some good scenes in this book and it brought up some unconventional subjects, but the book focused to much on the romance and not how the reality of having cancer or how these peoples actions impacted their loved ones and fans.

Two other things that annoyed me was the fast forward speed that the book held when they weren't together and they had a tendency to hold French2.25 stars

This book is about Vanka the breast cancer patient, Galen the movie star and Khalid the former prostitute.

There were some good scenes in this book and it brought up some unconventional subjects, but the book focused to much on the romance and not how the reality of having cancer or how these peoples actions impacted their loved ones and fans.

Two other things that annoyed me was the fast forward speed that the book held when they weren't together and they had a tendency to hold French dialogue without a translation....more

This was a sad sad book, both emotional and tackling what some may see as a taboo subject in Breast Cancer..but the way that the book was written and the storyline handled only made this book so much more..this book is about a M/M/F threesome so some may find this a bit difficult to handle but all 3 love each other and it is such a beautiful story told magnificently.

"Willful Vanka thinks she is dying. Galen, a famous actor, feels his life has become a superficial mirage. And beautiful Khalid canThis was a sad sad book, both emotional and tackling what some may see as a taboo subject in Breast Cancer..but the way that the book was written and the storyline handled only made this book so much more..this book is about a M/M/F threesome so some may find this a bit difficult to handle but all 3 love each other and it is such a beautiful story told magnificently.

"Willful Vanka thinks she is dying. Galen, a famous actor, feels his life has become a superficial mirage. And beautiful Khalid can only love people who hurt him. When these three find themselves caught up in each others' lives, will their risky games of domination and submission destroy them? Or will they find solace from a lifetime of hurt?"

Vanka meets Galen on a wet road when he comes off his motorbike, despite just having had a lumpectomy she takes him home, goes back for his bike and walks it back to his house, she has no idea who he is but just seems drawn to him. All female relations in her family have died from breast cancer so she automatically assumes that she is next and by doing so cuts of all her relationships and family so that she can deal with this on her own..Galen does not let that happen..neither does Khalid..the way these two men look after her during her double mastectomy and subsequent chemotherapy is mindblowingly beautiful..with Vanka taking what she needs from each man..she loves Galen but also wants Galen to love her..she loves Khalid but not in the same way and she knows that Khalid needs to be loved as he does not get that back from Galen. Vanka helps Galen see what Khalid needs as Khalid is getting to breaking point with regards to his relationship with Galen.. this is an amazing rollercoaster of a journey, one that had me sobbing in parts but despite the harsh subject it pulled me in, ripped me apart and spat me out..but what an amazing book!!...more

A very well written book. Not originally one I'd thought I'd like but it was a suggested read and I'm very glad I read it. Please don't be put off by the fact that a character has breast cancer. I was, which is why I delayed reading it, but it is worth the read. The three MCs are interwoven in a fascinating way. I love the way the author reveals their secrets. The sex is spectacularly written. You might wonder why not 5 stars but it's partly because I like a different balance in my erotic romancA very well written book. Not originally one I'd thought I'd like but it was a suggested read and I'm very glad I read it. Please don't be put off by the fact that a character has breast cancer. I was, which is why I delayed reading it, but it is worth the read. The three MCs are interwoven in a fascinating way. I love the way the author reveals their secrets. The sex is spectacularly written. You might wonder why not 5 stars but it's partly because I like a different balance in my erotic romances. I'd have liked more outside the bedroom than the large amount of interaction IN the bedroom. But that's just my preference and if you like sexy scenes and menages - this is hard to beat. ...more

A rare gem, this story outclasses its M/F/M ilk in robustness, sensuality and dimension. Three grievous, unhealthly lives weave together through the devastation of cancer, sexual discovery, and belonging. This bond wouldn't be complete without all three characters, each one needing the others for reasons Krylov demonstrates with profound credibility. They have diverse identities, their backstories adding to the complexity of their relationship, resulting in a heartrending, satisfying menage.

Gitte: I am sat here Jenny and I actually have no idea how or where to start this review, it was just so different to anything I have read in a long while. It was a hard read, and it hurt. It hurt so much that at times I wanted to put it down, but I just couldn’t.

To be honest, this book is certainly not for everyone. It will definitely push boundaries for some readers. In particular; readersReviewed jointly on TotallyBooked: http://totallybookedblog.com/2013/03/...

Gitte: 5 starsJenny: 4.5 Stars

Gitte: I am sat here Jenny and I actually have no idea how or where to start this review, it was just so different to anything I have read in a long while. It was a hard read, and it hurt. It hurt so much that at times I wanted to put it down, but I just couldn’t.

To be honest, this book is certainly not for everyone. It will definitely push boundaries for some readers. In particular; readers who are or have been personally affected by breast cancer.

This story, I can imagine, would be very painful and tough in respect to the main themes, which are control and fear. Control of our lives, our bodies and our minds. Control of others. Fear of what is to come or what will be and of what we have left behind and can be no more. Fear of others.

I cried so many times reading this book that I lost count. But I remember exactly why I cried, how I felt, how at times I had to catch my breath and no doubt about it this story will stay with me for a long long time.

Now, because of the emotions it drew out of me, because I felt a lump in my throat through every page turn, because of these three broken, vulnerable yet somehow strong and inspirational characters; Galen, Vanka & Khalid…….I have to give it 5 stars, I can’t not.

It is so very dark, so very heart breaking, so very intense….so very REAL.

It is also extremely erotic yet not always ‘comfortable to read erotica’. Sometimes it made for uncomfortable reading when control and fear was brought into the equation of three.

The writing of this Author is brilliant; no doubt about it, her heart is stamped on every single page. Leaving behind a journey that is so raw and ‘ugly’ yet so beautiful; so very devastating yet hopeful and inspiring.

Jenny: I agree Gitte. Because of the sheer scale of feelings I encountered reading this book and the fact that it evoked such strong emotions in me, how can I not rate it highly. I too have sat here wondering how I can best convey my thoughts about this book and it is difficult. Unlike you, I actually did put this book down at 40% and thought I couldn’t continue. It was killing me. I was just so……unbearably sad reading it.

Breast Cancer is very raw for me and this was written from a place which felt so incredibly real, a little too uncomfortably real for me at times, but I sat myself down and I didn’t move until I finished. This book was so much more than what I originally expected it to be, so very much more.

I ached and cried, and whilst I can’t say I “enjoyed” this read, I can say I am so grateful I pushed through because I was afforded such an amazing reading experience, one that will stay with me for a long time to come , you don’t forget a book like this in a hurry and even now I can’t stop thinking about it.

This ménage book took me way out of my comfort zone at times that’s for sure. Some scenes were hard to read, be it based on the theme or the sex partially based at times on fear, dominance and control did force me to push through my levels of comfort but it was absolutely worth every minute.

The characters moved me to the ninth degree. The determined, pragmatic Vanka who is convinced she is dying. Galen, the movie star who appears to have it all, yet feel s his life is a shallow illusion. Khalid, beautiful Khalid who has known so much tragedy in life and can only know love through hurt.

These characters broke my heart, they seared my soul. Theirs is not always a happy journey, in fact at times it is downright sad as you experience their desolation, but it is one that will crush your heart as it did mine, but there are also glimpses of light and times of tenderness that will steal your breath away.

Gitte: We all want to find the power of the three’s; peace, love and happiness. It’s a cliché but we do, however life’s randomly thrown obstacles do not make this an easy journey. The path and the obstacles unique to the individual, not presented exactly as we perhaps may have expected or believed.

A chance meeting between three people whose lives become interwoven, who each seek in each other something different; to heal them, to give them strength to show them trust and teach them how. To embrace fear and to understand that life and love is fragile. The thread that holds lives together and ties one to the other can easily be frayed, broken and torn by the all-encompassing HURT.

Vanka, Galen & Khalid broke my heart. Each for their own individual reasons. Their personal journeys in this story so different, yet all three entwined.

This is not a pretty soft story wrapped up in shiny layers and a sparkling bow. Well on the surface it is not. Rather, it is a raw and gritty, sharp and multi sharp angled story wrapped up in barbed wire. Once you unravel the layers that hurt and cut you deep, you are amazed by the vulnerability, the love, the compassion and the

If you willingly relinquish control or if control is taken away from you…

What are you left with?

If you live in perpetual fear or force it upon yourself…..

Where do you go from there and how far are you willing to go?

Jenny: This story about chance meeting, fate, destiny, pain and heartache was so profoundly moving, touching and at times disturbing in its themes and uncomfortable in the erotic sexual MMF content, but it was also brilliantly written and so compelling from start to finish that I found this wasn’t just a read, but more like an experience.

Galen, so intuitively in sync with Vanka rendered me breathless in some scenes. This man could show such tenderness, compassion, and sensitivity and could care for Vanka and her needs with an unyielding kindness, yet in other ways could be somewhat cruel, so closed off.

“You look……….” Galen came up short. Speechless. Possibly a first.“Stunning?” She prompted. “Fabulous?”“Ethereal.” He finally said, his voice a little choked.

Vanka, so guarded and closed, stoic, selfless and suffering through an unimaginable experience, trying to make sense of life and thinking of the ones she will leave behind.

“I can take care of myself. I have to be able to take care of myself.”“Not all the time. Not now”

The relationship between Khalid and Galen was the one I found the saddest and hardest to read. Theirs was such a complicated story and the beautiful Khalid…so patient, so loving, yet so hurt who only wanted to feel and know love.

It is the coming together of all three, the hurt and the pain they all share and the comfort they bring one another, how they could all serves one another’s needs.

“Most people are in love with more than one person during their lifetime."

“Or they don’t admit it when it happens”

This book will not appeal to everyone and as I’ve said I did find it hard going at times, but I would implore you to pick up a copy of Hurt and give it a go, because this an experience like no other....more

I read this forever ago and I still remember it as clearly as if I read it yesterday. That's the sign of a great book, right? This has it all: deep warm human emotion, and a rather different take on relationships. Really, try this. You won't regret it.

Varian Krylov does it again with Hurt. This is one powerful love story. Definitely not your traditional love story. There is a love triangle here and I tend to hate those, but Varian has such a way with connecting the reader to the characters that it was all so beautiful.

Vanka has been diagnosed with breast cancer. This books takes us through that painful period with Vanka and with Galen by her side. Galen has a lover, Khalid. Khalid brings unconditional love to the relationship. He loves VankaVarian Krylov does it again with Hurt. This is one powerful love story. Definitely not your traditional love story. There is a love triangle here and I tend to hate those, but Varian has such a way with connecting the reader to the characters that it was all so beautiful.

Vanka has been diagnosed with breast cancer. This books takes us through that painful period with Vanka and with Galen by her side. Galen has a lover, Khalid. Khalid brings unconditional love to the relationship. He loves Vanka as much as he loves Galen. Khalid seems so open and vulnerable to me. He makes me sad. My feelings for him were more extreme than they were for Vanka. I didn't want Khalid in the relationship. I wanted him to find love with someone who knew how to love him - not Galen. I struggled with Galen and Khalid's relationship because Khalid is an extraordinary person in my opinion, and he deserved so much more. My heart hurt for Khalid.

This books takes us on the journey with Vanka. Her struggle with thinking she was going to die to feeling like she wasn't the person she used to be.

It took me a long tome to read Hurt - several days. I had to stop and take a breather from the emotional journey that I was taking with these three. Now, I am emotionally exhausted.

If you want to read something that will take you out of your comfort zone. This is it. Actually, all of Varian's books will do that. I highly recommend this book. Keep in mind the heroine has breast cancer and if that is an issue for you, you many want to avoid Hurt. ...more

4.25 starsThis was my first time reading a book by Varian Krylov and definitely will not the last. HURT is a powerful, unique, thought-provoking book! It's hard to describe how very different this book is from anything else out there. There is romance, there is erotica but it is not dark; at least not the kind of dark I was expecting. There are many deep, emotional issues, feelings and activities between these characters yet nothing about this book is sad or tragic. This is not a tearjerker in a4.25 starsThis was my first time reading a book by Varian Krylov and definitely will not the last. HURT is a powerful, unique, thought-provoking book! It's hard to describe how very different this book is from anything else out there. There is romance, there is erotica but it is not dark; at least not the kind of dark I was expecting. There are many deep, emotional issues, feelings and activities between these characters yet nothing about this book is sad or tragic. This is not a tearjerker in anyway. Basically, this is a story about the deep meaningful relationships that develop between 3 people. There is one female (Vanka) who develops a relationship with a man named Galen. Unbeknownst to Vanka, Galen already has an extremely unique, unusual relationship with a man named Kahlid. Blanca is not a whiny, dramatic woman though so what happens between these 3 people is very interesting. There is one scene that is sort of m/f/m and one m/m/f with plenty of intense m/f and m/m scenes. I can't say more without posting spoilers but strongly recommend this book to anyone who likes books that are, "different". There is no drama, gossiping, ridiculous arguments or anything like that. This is a very special book....more

In my writing, sex is the medium, the expression, and the tool of discovery for my characters' insecurities, the needs that drive them, the comfort they can't live without, the joy and relish of life that makes each of them intense, strange, and alluring.

This is a quote from Author's page and perfectly explains why this book is so different from all those other mms, eroticas, etc. etc..

Oh god, this book hurts so good. The perfect dose of melancholy, fragility of the characters.. Delicate wordin

In my writing, sex is the medium, the expression, and the tool of discovery for my characters' insecurities, the needs that drive them, the comfort they can't live without, the joy and relish of life that makes each of them intense, strange, and alluring.

This is a quote from Author's page and perfectly explains why this book is so different from all those other mms, eroticas, etc. etc..

Oh god, this book hurts so good. The perfect dose of melancholy, fragility of the characters.. Delicate wording. Fucking beautiful, and it hurts so damn good while reading. There is no sugarcoating here in this book (view spoiler)[well except for the dad's willingness to accept (hide spoiler)].

Growing up near Los Angeles, I spent much of my time frolicking in the Pacific Ocean and penning angst-twisted poetry. Now I'm living in sunny Spain writing pathos-riddled fiction. Ironically, two of my favorite things are traveling, and swimming in the ocean, despite increasingly intense phobias of sharks and flying.

I've always loved the music and substance of words, always loved writing in well-Growing up near Los Angeles, I spent much of my time frolicking in the Pacific Ocean and penning angst-twisted poetry. Now I'm living in sunny Spain writing pathos-riddled fiction. Ironically, two of my favorite things are traveling, and swimming in the ocean, despite increasingly intense phobias of sharks and flying.

I've always loved the music and substance of words, always loved writing in well-worn notebooks by hand, tapping at the keys of the computer, and, of course, conjuring up stories.

And from my earliest memories, I've always been fascinated—maybe obsessed?—with sex and sexuality.

In my writing, sex is the medium, the expression, and the tool of discovery for my characters' insecurities, the needs that drive them, the comfort they can't live without, the joy and relish of life that makes each of them intense, strange, and alluring....more

“Which side is yours?”“They're both mine,” he answered mirthfully, having gotten a good bit of teasing over the years for his indiscriminate sprawling. “Take whichever side you like, and be prepared to defend it.”
—
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“But looking at you was nothing like looking at those pictures. When I first saw,” he said, looking down at her chest, then up again to meet her eyes, “it hurt, almost a physical pain. Since you finished chemo, you've gotten so strong again. Sometimes I almost forget what you've been through. But seeing your scars, they reminded me of your hurt. How you've been cut apart. What you gave up.”

It was important, not keeping herself back from him, putting parts of herself off limits. But it stung when he sank down to brush his lips over the two biggest scars.

“But your scars are beautiful. I mean, I look at them, and I want to kiss, I want to touch, I feel this tenderness for them. You know how when you love someone, when you've been with them a long time and you know all the little lines and curves and planes of their body, how you look at little parts of them—the corner of their mouth, the back of their hand, the little crease where their earlobe meets their jaw—and you can feel like you're in love with that little piece of them? Maybe soon, I'll look at your scars like that. But right now, it's this feeling I've never had for a part of someone's body, before, because they promise me you're well. That you get to live. That we get to have a long life together.”

Her love for him was swelling up in her chest, the way it did sometimes, an ache she wanted to hold on to.”
—
3 likes