Sunday, 14 June 2015

Being a Carer and Mental Health

- Sophie Dishman

I am a carer. I’ve cared for individuals in my family with mental health problems. I also have mental health problems myself. I understand both sides of the coin. I have been a carer from the age of 11. I am 21 now, so I’ve been caring for half my life. I believe that I’ve had mental health problems from a young age. I also think that my caring responsibilities have had an impact on my mental health unfortunately.

I care for and have cared for people in my family that have mental health problems - ranging from dementia to depression. It isn’t easy at all, especially when you are trying to care for yourself, look after a sibling and go to school. I got used to it in the end, because being a carer is normal for me. It’s something that I do naturally. It’s been that way for 10 years now, so it’s really all I’ve known. My grandma and granddad used to care for my great-grandfather who had dementia and had one of his legs amputated, among many other health problems.

My mental health problems started to come to a head last year when I hit a point where I was struggling too much. Something triggered them off and it spiralled. My caring responsibilities were heightened during that point too, which made things more difficult. I was at college too which made things harder as I had a lot of coursework to complete.

It isn’t easy having mental health problems and being a carer yourself, but unfortunately many carers these days have mental health problems too as well as caring for others. It’s a reality for us, as grim as it may sound. We have responsibilities that we shouldn’t have at our age. Even though I’m an adult now, I didn’t have much of a childhood from the age of 11. I had no friends and became isolated, keeping myself in the house. I’m living my adult life but I’m experiencing things that people experience as teenagers. It’s surreal.

I should probably go into why I think my mental health problems stem or have something to do with my caring responsibilities. Caring for 5 people is difficult, as they all have varying needs, some more severe than others. Your time is spend caring. You get little time for yourself. There is a physical and emotional toll on your body and your feelings. You get tired a lot, stressed out and there is little time for yourself. That’s the hardest part.

I developed low-self esteem from around the age of 12. I didn’t have a lot of confidence, despite what people said to me. I became worried a lot too. I worried about my family, my health, myself…everything. I managed to keep things together though. I just preferred to be on my own. Something I still prefer these days. I then started having obsessive thoughts at around the age of 14, but I won’t go into this. For a few years, I kept this to myself. No-one knew, because I was the ‘strong person’. Then it all changed last year.

Being a carer is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my life, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love my family. There are a lot of benefits that I have gained from being a carer - from skills and qualities to opportunities like being on national TV. I also get to spend time with my family - a lot more time, which is always a good thing. It is a ‘pitiful’ role to play within a family, but it’s also very rewarding.

The Student Minds blog is the UK's biggest blog on student wellbeing and mental health. We believe students should have a place to speak up about their experiences of living with mental health difficulties and show others that they are not alone. If you're a student, or recent student, with an experience you want to share, or tips on how to deal with the different challenges that uni life brings, get in touch.

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Student Minds is the UK’s student mental health charity. We empower students and members of the university community to look after their own mental health, support others and create change. Find out more here.