Saturday, April 12, 2014

Is it weird to wear an outfit to a store that you bought at said store? When someone pulls out in front of you, are they morally obligated to travel at the same rate of speed as you? Why do people from England sound American when they sing but British when they speak? On a scale of 1-10, how rude is it to put your groceries on the conveyor belt and not put a plastic divider down for the next person?

Do any of these things bother you, too? Or am I getting in the weeds so I can avoid some larger questions looming over my head?

Like, is there really (please say yes) a college scholarship for red heads? If a parent from an opposing flag football team starts screaming about my kid, can I "love" them away from the dark side? Why does PMS surprise me every month? How long til my soul gets it right?

OK, I stole that last one from the Indigo Girls. But they make an excellent point.

I thought that by the age of 41.5, I would have this all figured out. I would be secure in my relationships, excel as a parent, expertly conquer the literary world and have the courage to know difference between things I can and cannot change.

But here I am, drinking wine on my back deck, with nose dripping and pollen clinging to my too-tight Old Navy t-shirt, taking a roll call of my flaws.

And the thing that I can't get over is this - my sweet, small-but-sturdy, circle of friends have not given up on me. My spouse still showers me with compliments. My kids still cuddle with me and call me Mama. My family still phones me when they need help. So I guess my secret is still safe.

When I was in college, I studied abroad at Oxford University. One night, I had had too much to drink and got lost walking back to campus. A taxi driver pulled over to offer me a ride. I protested and refused, telling him I had no money. He said, "That's OK. It looks like you have had a rough night." And he got me safely home.

Human kindness. I will never feel like I deserve it, and never be able to express my gratitude enough for it. If only I could forgive people more quickly when it doesn't happen as expected ..... Namely, myself.

Until next time, keep crowin'. And be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. (Gandhi)