All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Today’s Unitasker Wednesday post is a post you won’t want to miss. In this very special episode, or, uh, very special post, we’ll explore the serious issue of fingernail polish smudges.

This post diverges from our regular unitaskery tone, and parental discretion is advised.

Do you sometimes smudge your nail polish after you paint your fingernails? When you smudge your polish, do you experience physical pain or significant financial burden? Even though you just painted your nails, are you somehow rendered incapable of touching up the smudge because of a phobia or a deal you made with your grandmother on her deathbed where you promised to never touch up smudged nails? Do you have a compulsion with smudging up your nail polish when it’s wet and feel you are out of control? Do you long to look completely ridiculous after you paint your fingernails?

If you or someone you love answered yes to any of these questions, it might be time for you to have a confidential talk to your manicurist about Nail Protection Clamps:

These clamps, which look suspiciously like hair clamps with giant plastic fingernails attached to them, are intended to protect your nails from smudges. In all seriousness, no, really, I’m being serious. Very serious. Amazon reviewer Lainey points out the exact problem I imagined these would have when in use: “they’re 2-3 times the size of your nails so you’re 2-3 times as likely to hit them on something.” Right?! So instead of a ding, you then would have a giant smudge on your nails where the Nail Protection Clamp ruined your polish. Which means, you need a device to protect you from the Protection Clamps! Protection Clamps from your Protection Clamps! Ooooooh, I can already see another very special post in the works …

So, the moral of this very special post (all very special posts have moral lessons) is to stop inhaling nail polish fumes or something equally important and very valuable. Whatever the lesson, you should talk it over with your parents or call a hotline or learn more from your local library. Oh yes, you should definitely go to your local library to learn more about the serious issue of nail polish smudges.

Thanks to reader Magic for submitting this very special unitasker to us. It was very special.