Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really "dirty" jokes

Did you know that geologists are athletic?
Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.

Geology One Liners
Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
OMg!

My Sediments exactly!

Geologists are down to "earth" people

Geology Rocks, I really dig it.

Have a gneiss day

My rocks are gneiss, don't take them for granite.

Did you hear of the METAMORPHOSIS PROFESSOR who gave up because he felt like a change?

"May the Quartz be with you"

Geologists probe crevaces

Kiss a geologist and feel the earthquake.

"Geologists have their faults"

"It's a hard rock life"

Rock On

"Geologists can be very sedimental"

Geologists never lose their luster!

Geologists Dig Mother Earth

Geologists get their Rocks Off

Geologists do it on the rocks.

Geologists make the bed rock

Geologists don't wrinkle, they show lineation!

Old geologists never die, they just recrystallize.

Some jokes just fluorite over my head

Geologists will date anything.

I had breakfast with a geologist because It rocks.

Prostitute
Teacher: Describe hydrogen
Student: It is a prostitute element
Teacher: Who taught you that?
Student: You said it does not belong to a particular group and it reacts with almost all the elements in the periodic table.

Gin
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water.

Symbols
A-u; Get away from my Gold!
C-u later copper!
HeHe I made you talk like a little boy
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Don't forget to P-b 4 you go to lead!

Doing It

Biologists do it with clones.

Botanists do it in the bushes.

Zoologists do it with animals.

Geologists do it in the dirt

Heated Arguement

During a heated discussion Opal screamed at Amber, telling her that not
only was she not a jewel but she wasn't even a mineral.

"Is that so," Amber snorted, stating flatly that Opal had no cleavage.

School Paper
John wrote an article in the school paper about how this chemical, dihydrogenoxide, has killed over 100,000 people world wide, usually through inhalation.
The story also went on that even if you wash your food you can never get this chemical off.
No matter what you do you will be exposed to this very dangerous chemical every day of your life until you die.
The story finished by claiming that there needs to be a government research group founded to find a solution. yada yada yada
Anyway, the local newspaper reporter read this story in his daughters school paper and decided to do a follow up.
If you haven't figured it out di-hydrogen-oxide is the correct name for H2O or water.
The deaths that he was quoting were from drownings.
Anyhow, this reporter ran the article in a paper and started a local push for a government study before they realized what the story was about.

Geology Pick Up Lines:

"Hi, you can call me a geologist, cause I can make your bedrock!"

"Girl, is your dad a geologist, because you just gave me a volcanic eruptions!"

So many beds, so little time

"How about we go behind that rock and become a little boulder."

"I'm a geologist and I'm hung like a horst"

You must be calcium bicarbonate, because if you let me get you wet, then the reaction will be explosive.

If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put Uranium and Iodine together.