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I dont know what to do, His ex is driving me crazy!!!

I am a mother of 2(6&4 y/o) with a baby due in April, my BF also has a DD from a previous relationship... She'll be 3 in April. His ex and him DO NOT get along. He is a very rational person and tries his hardest to be the best dad he can be. He only gets to see his DD every other weekend due to their custody agreement and It kills him when he has to take her home. Well since they have split up 2 years ago they have had issues like crazy. He tries not to let her escalate things for the sake of their DD but ever since she found out that we were expecting our son she has gone beyond her usual hatefulness... Shes constantly bashing him on Facebook for not making/having time to see their DD and when he does its only on court appointed days, the thing about that is that every time he tries to get her any day that isnt one that falls during his weekends she always refuses and has even told him "You cant see her on any day that isnt yours as is stated in the custody agreement" He has gone behind her back to see DD while she stays with his ex's mom. When she found out that he'd been by to see her she stopped letting her mother watch DD. Now his ex's mom only gets to see her when his weekends roll around.

My BF always gives DD a bath 30 mins or so before she goes home, has been like that since Ive met him its their routine. Well Sunday was a very nice day we spent a while outside letting the kids enjoy the weather and play (like children do) Well my BFs mom ended up coming over to spend some time with DD before she went home (@6pm) while we were fixing them an early dinner. Well she doesnt like to listen when her Meemom is around so it took her 3x as long to finish eating, by the time she was done it was already a little past 6 and he was about to giver her a bath when his ex called asking wher the F he was, he told her he was running late and that he was about to give her a bath and she said "I dont have time to wait for you to get your shit together how irresponsible can you be? and told him to just bring DD to her cause she had plans. Well he wiped her down and put her in the clothes that she came in (His ex made a big deal about how she doesnt buy clothes for her to keep at his house so as soon as she gets to our house she changes and those clothes are kept for her to wear home) and he took off to take her back. Shortly after he left her house I got a FB message saying "I dont understand why my DD always comes home smelling like a damn puppy dog, she always comes back so filthy, this is getting ridiculous..." Well later she starts bashing him on FB saying that their DD always comes home with such a bad rash from being so filthy and never takes a bath and how my BF is such an irresponsible and neglegent parent and how he never even changes her clothes or panties thats why she gets such a bad rash and that its a yeast infection and BLah Blah blah... Well a friend of his told him (cuz she blocked us) all this and sent pics of the posts and comments and everyone is agreeing that she should report him and all kinds of stuff. Well he hit her up and told her "You know damn well that this is the first time Ive ever not given her a bath on sunday, she took one saturday and if you remember correctly you told me you didnt have time for me to bathe her to just bring her and if she has a rash especially a yeast infection why on earth are you blasting it on FB instead of making an appointment for her to see the doctor." She said she was going to make an appointment on monday and shed tell him what the doctor said and just tried to drop it there... I told him NO, you have her have the Dr. print up a paper saying that she was diagnosed with, the cause was and the treatment plan all signed and everything so he did. Well he texted her yesterday to ask if she got the appt. and got no reply. Finally got ahold of her this morning, turns out she didnt make the appointment and shes decided its not a yeast infection that its just a minor rash but my BF told her 'fine, but Ill let you know what time her appointment is tomorrow and we can meet up there and take her and get this whole thing sorted out..." Her response was "well Im sure by the time she goes to see the Dr. the rash will be gone."

How convienient right?? I dont understand why she would do things like that. What can we do to keep her from doing this?? What else is she going to come up with... Ughh

If I were you ,I would have your boyfriend make the appt. and tell the mother to bring her ...then I would show the doctor all the print-outs of what she said and explain that He wants his daughter checked because he cannot ever get the truth from the mother and he wants it documented ..Legally ......then He should go back to the court and ask for an amended visitation schedule and show the judge the paper work from the doctor and what she puts online to make problems.She will not stop unless you all do something to make her be held accountable for her childish actions....

He needs to contact a lawyer and find out what he can do about all of this unfortunately for you as much as you would love to be able to handle all of this with him, in terms of finding him a lawyer and all, you have to be very careful in doing any of this, You can continue to offer him all the support and love and being there for him when he needs to talk about all of this, the bottom line is this, this is out of your hands. This between him and the child's mother. There is absolutely nothing you can do about her postings on Facebook, those are going to continue whether he is with you or not. it sounds like his child's mother is very immature and is just trying to stir up what I call Mess,she's probably jealous of the fact the he is with you and this is her reason for doing all the stuff she is doing. You are going to have to develop a thick skin and let it roll off your back. and just ignore it, I know that may be hard for you to do because you love your BF so very much, but this something he has to handle in terms of going to court if need be, getting a lawyer and everything associated with that. Just continue to give him your love and support which it seems that you are already doing, be civil with her when you do see her and maybe in time she will change and stop doing all of the childish immature things she is doing .

Download an app that backs up all your texts. If you have an android phone I would recommend SMS Backup +. Download an app that records all phone calls and back them up to your email. We use Call Recorder. Both apps are free in the PlayStore. Document everything you think would be helpful in court.

You can't control what she does or what happens at her house, but you can control your reactions and how it effects you. Do the best you can at your house.

A friend of mine is going through a similar situation. She saves the text messages and voice mails to document everything. He can file petitions in family court for more visitation with the daughter, and for the mother of his child to stop making false accusations. Also, he can make it so she has to tell him about appointments so he can be there if possible, and he is entitled to daughters medical/school (when she goes) records. Once he starts documenting everything, and they go to court, the judge will see what each party is doing or not doing. Best of luck.

That is our thinking too, We dont have the money to get caught up in a useless court battle just to have a judge dismiss the claims. I had a friend whos dd's dad would get her for his weekends and take her to parties where he'd get wasted, use her to scam on chicks then drive home drunk with her passed out in her carseat. Someone saw it and decided maybe that wasnt such a good Idea so they called my friend and sent pics of him holding the little girl in one arm and a shot of whiskey in the other, even his grandparents testified on her behalf and the judge didnt do anything so she went to a lawyer to push it further and spent a ton of money just for them to dismiss the claims... I dont have to deal with her ever. She doesnt bother me, that FB msg was the first time shes said anything to me, I ignore it but my BF isnt as tough skinned as I am I guess but then again its because its his flesh and blood... I just want her to grow up and be an adult the way mothers are supposed to be for their children.

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

Document everything.

Has anyone actually taken someone like this to court and gotten a good result though? I contacted my lawyer about things that my ex was doing or refusing to do, like refusing to give the baby antibiotics when she had an ear infection for instance and every lawyer said a judge won't do anything. They said taking him to court would be a waste of time and money, plus the judge might get angry at me.

So before you go to court you might want to see what, if anything might be doable.

I recommend the book divorce poison for anyone going through these sorts of issues.

Finally, ignore her as much as possible. She is an angry nut case. You can't fix her. Don't let her have one more minute of control over you.

Thats what he did, he made the appointment for tomorrow and when he told her she asked who the appointment was with, He had called the doctor she usually saw and learned that they were no longer there so he made it with the replacement and he told her that and shes trying to say she cant see that dr that she has to see someone else and he refused... told her either you quit fighting me on this or Ill report you... She shut up... Guess we will see how it goes tomorrow.

Quoting mamakin616:

If I were you ,I would have your boyfriend make the appt. and tell the mother to bring her ...then I would show the doctor all the print-outs of what she said and explain that He wants his daughter checked because he cannot ever get the truth from the mother and he wants it documented ..Legally ......then He should go back to the court and ask for an amended visitation schedule and show the judge the paper work from the doctor and what she puts online to make problems.She will not stop unless you all do something to make her be held accountable for her childish actions....

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