Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Is It Really Your Soulmate?

Throughout my many many years of dating and also listening to my friends and their dating experiences I discovered that the term “soulmate” was misinterpreted. Then after the relationship had ended we would be very confused because it looked and felt like such a great connection.

What was this about? Were our feelings that we had a connection with someone so off base? And how could you tell the difference between having a connection with someone and whether it was right to pursue a romantic relationship?

After looking at this for myself over and over again and processing with my friends I discovered that not all “connections” or relationships that felt like my “soulmate” were meant to be.

Too often we confuse a “connection” with someone as being in “love.” Having a connection with someone is just that, a connection. I personally believe in past lives and reincarnation and definitely feel that along my path I have met several people from other lifetimes. However, just because I have been with someone in a past life and feel that soul connection, this does not mean that we should be together in a relationship in this lifetime. Sometimes how they behave in this lifetime is not in line with how they were in another lifetime.

I remember being in my 30′s and dating a man named Patrick. The first time we met we spent over eight hours just talking. It felt like I had met a very old friend. It was comfortable, easy — we had so much in common on all levels and I felt like I had met my soulmate. We spent three months together in a whirlwind of a relationship discovering all these synchronistic things about one another. I had never felt this way about anyone nor had he. There was a palpable energy that moved through us both when we were together.

At about three months, he pulled away, sharing with me that he was feeling that things were moving too quickly — something I know that many of us have heard. We pulled things back a little but did stay together. I moved away to pursue another endeavor and we stayed very connected, even until this day, however we did end our romantic relationship. Along with other challenges we had, I realized something very important in this relationship. Even if I had stayed in the same city, we would not have ended up together. Patrick is definitely one of my soulmates or soul family, however, this did not mean that I needed to remain in a romantic relationship with him in this lifetime.

Confusing past life connection with love is common. Figuring out if it truly is love can be tricky, but not impossible. Giving the relationship some time to unfold is prudent and watch to see if the other person’s behavior is congruent with what you desire in a life partner. For instance, acknowledging that you have a past life connection with someone is wonderful, but if they do things that are not in line with who you are or what you want in your life then no matter how deeply you might feel connected to them on a soul and past life level use your discernment skills to think twice about staying. This is where Emotional Discipline, as I like to call it, comes into play. Emotional discipline is when you have to use your conscious thinking processes to make a better decision for yourself and keep your emotions disciplined to be able to listen to reason. I understand all too well how difficult it is, however, it will save you much heartache.

Remember, just because you feel that past life connection it does not mean it’s love! Who knows — the person who you feel this connection to could have been your enemy in that past life.