Saturday, December 11, 2010

My Time In The Army Was Ruined By Your Beer Gut

Ok, I have had it with people in the military thinking that I want to fuckin' check them out in the shower.

For instance, in the following op-ed in the Navy Times, the author, while realistic about the need to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell, still operates on the principle that I want his nasty ass and am going to eye-rape him in the shower-- thus necessitating shower curtains.

I have a few things to say about this:

a) If I'm checking you out in the shower, you ain't gonna know it. You think you're going to catch me checkin' you out? Like, I'm going to stand there with my mouth agape, ogling your nalgas? I'm a smooth operator, sonny, and you would never know.

b) You are probably too fugly for me. While soldiers are the salt of the earth, the backbone of our democracy, and the finest people I've ever had the privilege to meet-- well, let's just say none of them were in any beauty pageants (except for Vivian, but she's crazy). I mean, seriously, NONE of them seemed to know proper grooming, and bacne? I can't even talk about it.

c) In addition-- this fear that I'm going to grope you in a foxhole? If we're in a hole in the ground we are most likely in a combat zone-- in the fucking wilderness. You probably haven't showered in weeks. NO THANK YOU.

You know, actually, yes, install shower curtains. That would be an improvement! That way I DON'T HAVE to see your naked flabby ass squishing around the showers...