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Sunday, May 29, 2011

What's Wrong With This Picture?

I was surfing the Twins website and I came across the picture above. Now, I ask you, do you see anything wrong with it? If you don't, well, here are some numbers for you that may make the picture's issues more obvious:

2 - Number of home runs Justin Morneau has hit so far this season.

30 - Number of first basemen who have hit more home runs than Justin Morneau.

.235 - Justin Morneau's batting average.

21 - Number of first basemen with a higher batting average than Justin Morneau.

57 - Number of times I've mentioned that Justin Morneau (post super-virus) now has the physique of Emperor Palpatine.

-0.9 - Justin Morneau's "Wins Above Replacement Player." Which basically means, statistically speaking, the Twins would be better off if Morneau hadn't played for them so far this season.

0 - The difference between the number of home runs Joe Mauer and I have hit in Major League Baseball this year.

0 - The number of home runs I have hit in Major League Baseball this year....you can do the rest of the math.

50 - Number of games the Twins have played this year.

9 - Number of games Joe Mauer has played in this year.

18% - A percentage of games played that no All Star should have.

2 - Number of apparently non-functional legs Joe Mauer has.

X - A variable designating the number of Twins fans that exist in the world.

X - The number of Twins fans that are sick of the fact that Joe Mauer isn't playing and nobody really knows why.

0 - The number of 2011 MLB All Stars whose names should be either Justin Morneau or Joe Mauer.

1,000,000,000 - The approximate number of reasons other players pictured in the image above shouldn't be All Stars.

0 - The number of Twins players who should be All Stars this year.

1 - The number of Twins players that HAVE to be an All Star this year.

? - The jersey number of the Twins player who will be an All Star this year because, honestly, I have no idea who it could be.

Hey thanks for fixing it and yes, I'm on Firefox. I switched one day from Explorer because for whatever reason Explorer decided to shrink all the words so I couldn't read them and I flew into a rage at my ignorance and their impudence and I haven't spoken to them since. I *always* like a rant :)

Emperor Palpatine! I do enjoy a good list and this was great. I have no idea who any of these people are but man, do those Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer seem like a couple of Big Fat Useless Slobs or BFUS ="Beefus".

@Joan: Your post came out all weird and I can't see any of your numbers or words on the very far left.

Whew. I'm glad I wasn't the only one.

Which basically means, statistically speaking, the Twins would be better off if Morneau hadn't played for them so far this season.

I think that might be the most depressing stat of them all, especially considering how many players are currently committing crimes against their positions elsewhere on the team.

The jersey number of the Twins player who will be an All Star this year because, honestly, I have no idea who it could be.

Seriously. Kubel's probably been the best player on the team so far this season, but he's not exactly a standout compared to the other players throughout the league who could play outfield or DH (and now he's crippled too). And it isn't like anyone in our bullpen is worth getting picked by the manager...

And look, I'm all about the Twins promoting their players and whatnot, but who can honestly make a case for Morneau and Mauer at this point? At least Morneau has been "playing"...even if Mauer's nine games were the best games of his career, is that enough to warrant an All Star berth?

Cripes, at this point, is Mauer even going to be healthy for the All Star game? And if he is, shouldn't the Twins want him to conserve his few precious hours of health for them?