Justin Bieber to Fulfill Your Dreams by Firing Himself Into Space

For years, arguments have raged over whether or not there actually is intelligent life out there in the cosmos, and if so, what message we should send to our extra-terrestrial brethren. Now, at least, we have an answer to that latter question. We should tell them that we’re very, very sorry about Justin Bieber.

Earlier this week, none other than Richard Branson revealed that teen pop sensation Bieber and comically named manager Scooter Braun had signed up for a flight on Branson’s private space airline (spaceline?) Virgin Galactic, to which Justin Bieber enthusiastically responded, “let’s shoot a music video in SPACE!! #nextLEVEL”

While it’s undoubtedly true that many pop snobs have already dreamed of shooting Bieber off into space — preferably on a one-way trip, with the vague hope that he’d crash-land on an alien planet where he could lead a popular uprising against a barbaric regime, although that last part may just be my extemporizing — it has to be said that Bieber’s #nextLEVEL is worryingly banal. After all, Canadian astronaut and international heartthrob Chris Hadfield did the music video in space thing last month, with the added bonus of actually recording the song in space, as well.

Bieber isn’t even breaking new ground in booking himself a flight on Virgin Galactic; he’s just one of many celebrities who have paid the $250,000 deposit for a seat on a future flight, following in the footsteps of Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks — there’s a man whose presence guarantees safetravel — and even Ashton Kutcher. When you’re trailing a man whose career comeback consisted of replacing Charlie Sheen as Jon Cryer’s buffoonish sidekick, that may be the point at which you start reconsidering the direction of your career.