Lesson from a Transparent Mommy

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Mommy Lesson 598: Oh, Expletive

You can ban television, monitor the radio, even place ear muffs on your little mini me in hopes of shielding them from naughty words. However, despite all your best efforts, your child will, at some point encounter a word that is unsavory. It could be words of the four letter variety, their slang terms, or even “not nice words”, like stupid. Whatever the word may be, they will at some point, hear it and repeat it, often at the most inopportune of moments. How you react to hearing your little sweetie say such an ugly word, can either encourage or deter your child from repeating such words. Abi and Gabe were “chatting” to one another during the drive to church on Sunday morning. With them content, I decided to take some time to call my mother. After some casual conversation, I asked how my stepdad was feeling. He had recently had surgery to remove several large kidney stones and was still having some issues. I listened to her concerns and offered my encouragement and opinion, all the while keeping one ear on the children. What was coming out of my daughters mouth made me almost drive off the road. Before I could stop myself I yelled out, “Oh my gosh, Abigail, where did you hear those words?!” My mom began questioning me as to exactly what words she was saying and I questioned her if she had been cursing around my children. I quickly explained that my sweet little three year old was PROUDLY dropping “F” bombs and immediately following it with a swear word describing dung. Incredibly concerned, and only five minutes away from church, I hung up the phone and turned my attention to the cowering potty mouth in the backseat. Determined to find out who had filled my daughter vocabulary bucket with filth, I changed tactics. “Okay, peanut, let’s play a fun game! Mommy is going to ask you questions and you can say yes or no until mommy gets it right.” She excitedly sat up in her seat. I thought I’d begin with the most unlikely suspects first. A quick nope from Abi ruled out daddy, both sets of grandparents, Mickey Mouse and the dog. Still trending on the easy and, somewhat silly side, I asked, “Does mommy say those words?” “Yes!” She shouted from her car seat, I almost drove off the road again. Confused and horrified I glanced at my daughter . Those of you who know my family would also know that those words are not used or accepted in our house. The fact that my three year old was blaming ME for the filth was downright alarming and had me almost in hysterics. I turned to look at her, “Um, okay, little one, why don’t you tell mommy when I used those words. Please say them slowly”. She wrinkled her eyebrows, “You said it today, talking to Nina”. Now I knew this wasn’t right at all, and now being in the church parking lot I needed to sort this out ASAP. She continued “You were talking about Papa and his ‘killie f-bomb-poop expletive”. Aha! I was off the hook! I was still on track to being mother of the year. I had not produced a child who would need to gnaw on a bar of soap. My smart little bug had indeed been eavesdropping, however, she didn’t quite have the pronunciation down correctly. I waved hello to the other mom who had parked next to us and unstrapped Abi. Before I took her out of the car I looked her right in the eye and said “I’m very glad that you learned a new word today, but we are not going to be talking about Papas kidney function in church.”