In 2006, when he announced his retirement from the sport, we were devastated. We wondered who on the Aussie team would take the place of our favorite Australian swimmer. Granted, this was before we were introduced to the wonder of Eamon Sullivan’s Torso:

Oh, you glorious, glorious torso.

2006 quickly turned into 2008, and the Beijing Olympics were upon us. There were so many new faces to root for (including the aforementioned Torso) and we apprehensively accepted that the Thopedo packed his knives and went. The games were incredible despite his absence, and life went on.

“Just because I’ve had extraordinary results in the past doesn’t mean I’m about to have them again,” he said. Mr. Thorpe said his biggest competition would be himself, but said that having worked hard in training, his confidence for achieving success was growing.

Oh, Ian Thorpe, you modest devil. Gold, silver, or bronze, we will love you any way. We’re excited for your return, and this inspires new motivation for Kim and myself to be the Official Condom Distributors of the Olympic Games.

This is the move I made when Kim told me the good news. Yeah.

UPDATE: Less than an hour after I published this, I found out that Aaron Peirsol, American Backstroke King and perpetual wearer of Jammers, announced his retirement today. OlyVil’s love for the Thorpedo, I must admit, is entirely eclipsed by our obsession of the awesome, AWESOME, Aaron Peirsol.

Now all of my excitement has trickled away. Is there any other swimming news that’s going to destroy me today?