Patten Shang-tied in China trip

On his recent trip to Beijing and Shanghai at the invitation of the Chinese government, Chris Patten (the commissioner for foreign affairs, formerly known as the Colonial Oppressor, Tango Dancer, Triple Violator and Sinner for a Thousand Generations), was tucking into Sunday lunch in Tongli, a village of canals outside Shanghai, known locally as ‘the Venice of the Orient’.

European Voice

4/24/02, 5:00 PM CET

Updated 4/12/14, 7:53 AM CET

As he speared a dim sum with his fork, it detonated hot oil all over his green and gold, red dotted silk tie, purveyors T.M. Lewin of Jermyn Street.

Lissom waitresses swarmed around dabbing at his chest with warm water in an attempt to remedy this diplomatic disaster for the honoured guest.

Sadly, it was all to no avail – and a tieless afternoon followed by a trip to the Chinese laundry looked inevitable.

Until, that is, a local party cadre in a nearby room demonstrated the sort of initiative now being taught at Beijing’s Central Party School [where CP was later to give a keynote speech].

He whipped off his Golden Lion tie and offered it to Patten, in return for the oil-stained item – which, with further foresight, he invited the commissioner to sign in memory of this poignant EU-China cultural exchange.