Thursday, December 12, 2013

Post the 2013 Delhi Assembly elections,the Congress party headquarters on 24 Akbar Road in the capital is abuzz with an army of spring cleaners. The con-men (read congress men for short) were literally swept away by a trendy new broom. All old school cleaners donning 'mango people' brooms have been evicted from the visual bubble of the party office. The new mantra for victory is 'to clean up by connecting to the grass root.'

It is precisely for this obnoxious reason, that palm shaped vacuum cleaners are replacing wiry, noisy old brooms. At least, the cord connects someplace, lest the grass root. To state the obvious, one was witness to wired cleaners of different colours,textures and sizes making their way into the cosy comfort cushion laden chambers of their leaders. After all, leaders who profess about the escape velocity of planet Jupiter for the common man, do need extra terrestrial spring cleaning to connect to the grass root. Blessed we are,how earthly are our leaders ? When in dire straits, dial R...to be routed.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

"And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other;

and him that taketh away thy cloak forbid not to take thy coat also"

Yesterday, when the chief minister of Kerala was struck by an unholy Marxist projectile above his left eyebrow,the media went blazing on all available decipherable audio,watchable video and barely readable print. True to belief in the above prophesy,the minister chose to offer the neglected 'other brow' too. After all, this is election year and such benevolent gestures do not come in harms way when enduring a little pain in rhetoric. More so, when an array of cameras are rolling spools of sympathy to be played all over national television...... Absolutely no harm !! In fact during such an act this season the word harm is considered taboo of a higher order.

The honorable minister however, missed one significant point. The stone in our country is an unchallenged solution to many a problem. It has the potential to rewrite military doctrines. Consider how simple the economics,logistics and mathematics of this well researched projectile theory is :

See a dog, hurl a stone.

A bird perched, hurl two

A train passing by, swing a dozen

Do not like your neighbor, pelt as many

Want a separate country, bring in a truck load

Upset a politician, book a train with each wagon filled to the brim

These prophesies on stone have many takers in our land. The Kannur wing of the LDF was no different. The CPI state secretary, a loving and caring angel in red named Panniyan Raveendran solemnly declared that the dove and olive branch sporting LDF workers would never resort to such a course. How blessed we are Oh angel in red, we have only seen you shower floral petals and deodorized water on your adversaries to date. Chandy sporting a bleeding brow was hit by a flower in gentle hyperbolic motion.

Not to be let down by the display of such exemplary and divine behaviour, Chandy was quick to add “I take all problems in a positive manner.” and having said so, the other cheek brow was thrust out to bring to bear ' the misery for sympathy'.After all, actions are known to speak louder than words.

But the seasoned politician forgets, one simple law of conflict : The enemy's arrow follows no determined line. While he grappled with his brow, a well toned stone from the red quarry knocked hard on his head and a bump was quick to mushroom.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

When a politician catches a cold,an array of bureaucrats around him sneeze. For the 'unchosen' few, it is a Hobsons choice. But for a gratifying majority, the bout of sneezing could start in anticipation......of a chocked nose.

A strong analogy could be drawn in the animal
kingdom.The 'wag order' in mice residing in a bureau is stratified into three
distinct categories.

The 'A' rat of
the bureau is the ever nodding, butter spreading, share seeking
variety for who, a politicians wish is his command .They are also the likely
variety to savour plum appointments and stay ahead in the rodent race.