I got a gift certificate to Williams Sonoma for Christmas, and finally put it to use a few weeks ago (I have issues with spending money on myself, in that I don't. I don't know what's wrong with me, either), I got a high-end panini press after dithering over whether it would be a one-note sort of thing (like a tortilla press or a banana slicer. WHY DO PEOPLE NEED THOSE THINGS? Hint: they don't.)

SO I LOVE THE PANINI PRESS. LIKE, A LOT. It's also a grill, it's cast iron on the inside, so it heats up to almost 500F, it has a floating hinge so you don't pulverize your sandwiches or steaks or whatever you're grilling. I've not put it away in over a week. The kids find it super easy to use, it cleans up well, boom, I love it.

LAST NIGHT I MADE THE MOST DELICIOUS SANDWICH IN THE WORLD.

STEP ONE: cut a hole in the box In a medium hot skillet, a drizzle of olive oil and a sliced onion (I used a yellow). Slowly caramelize those bad boys until they make you weep with wanting.ALTERNATE STEP TWO: Add sliced fresh figs (I didn't have these, you'll see what I did in a minute)STEP TWO: put your junk in that box Drizzle some fabulous balsamic vinegar over those onions and stir it up (little darlin', stir it up). The vinegar and left over oil (if any) should get a little syrupy. This can be called the food of the gods.STEP THREE: you thought I'd say make her open the box, didn't you? Well, I didn't. Turn off the heat and set this aside, plug in your panini maker (or get another skillet going)

SANDWICH: ASSEMBLE!on some good rustic bread slices layer: goat cheese, fig jam (if you're super fond of figs and want to double up then you should, other wise pick the alternate up there or this), caramelized onion mix, prosciutto slices (or thick bacon would be stellar), and cover that sumbitch up with another slice of bread

SANDWICH: GRILL!Yeah, do that. A few minutes, or until the bread's all toasty and the cheese is all melty and your mouth is all watery. Pull it off, slip in some fresh arugula, slice that mother trucker in half, and CONSUME.

I sang this to my sandwich, you may pick the song of your choosing but you must sing to it. "I wanna li-li-li-lick you from your figs to your Os, and I wanna move from the plate down to-down-to-the-to-the floor and I wanna AH! AH! You taste so good I don't wanna eat, but you gotta le-le-le-let me cook-cook on this pa-ni-ni-NI!"

So that happened. I feel not one ounce of shame or regret. LIVING LIFE IN A CORRECT MANNER.

(Tomorrow I am making challa bread, brie, blueberries, strawberries, balsamic and basil leaves. GOOD LORD I LOVE THIS THING.)

YAY, you're alive! I saw the front page of the newspaper this morning and I went 'Laura' and ran in slow motion up to my office, high octane music playing from hidden speakers, as I dramatically sat my coffee down, took of my coat and turned on my computer. The music has shifted now to a more mellow violin piece, it's probably my queue to sigh dramatically and pensively stare out the window. Damn you Mother Nature and your life and death powers. Damn you.

STRAWBERRY HULLERS WHAT ON EARTH. That's another tool that tells me everything about the "cook."

And you DO cook like a MoFo, I can bear witness to that! (And that shit bugs me, too.)

FIGS. I mean... I freaking LOVE THEM. The only reason I don't have my own fig tree is because I don't have a place FOR a fig tree. Ooooh, a big giant pot on my back patio by the pool, OH MY GOD EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT NOW. O_O

Dammit, now I want a panini press. I had a damn good sandwich for lunch (homemade ciabatta, fresh goat cheese, sundried tomato tapenade, basil, caramelized shallots and broiled portobello mushrooms, slightly seared spinach), but I'm pretty sure a panini press would have made it even better. I've refrained from getting one for the same reason you did, but this is a VERY PERSUASIVE POST. (Also: fig jam with prosciutto! Note to self!)

Apparently I need to get a pot rack so I can stash more kitchen toys in the cabinet where the pots currently live. Hmm.

THAT SANDWICH SOUNDS FREAKING DELISH. And yep, a panini press would have kicked that to 11! (One of my favorite party apps to make is whole figs wrapped in prosciutto. Or! Or! Whole figs, split open into fourths like a flower, stuffed with goat cheese, walnuts, and a drizzle of balsamic, flashed under the broiler to get the cheese running. OMG.)

I have a nice space right on top of my microwave for my press, but it's not been there in a bit. :) (Theoretically you could do all of this with a Foreman Grill. I just like the solid, all metal aspect of the one at Williams Sonoma. The cheaper model is still pretty bad ass. And you can use it like a regular grill, which I'm finding I'm using almost nightly.

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.