A spiritual wedding begins with spiritual preparation.

...where the couple used the phrase "as long as love shall last" instead of "'til death do us part." How about "Tell I am tired of listening to your nagging" or "Until something better comes along?" or "While its convenient for me"? People what is the point? If you love that person, you want them to feel secure in your love, right? You want them to believe in you? You want them to feel good about themselves and their future? I've got news for you... there will come a day when your "love" that is not based on the overflowing bounty of God's love for you doesn't "last". You will be hurt. You will be bored. You will think you could have done better. You will think that your spouse's sole purpose in life is to drag you down and make you cry. If you're not prepared for this, you're not being real with yourself OR your partner. Because if you can't mutually say your love can only be broken by death, your love is nothing but need, fantasy, and fear.

I am divorced and engaged. The first time I said my wedding vows, I meant them. I didn't consider a divorce for a long time, even though I was miserable in my relationship with my husband and did everything I knew to do to improve it. The phrase, "Until death do us part" was a major problem to me. I was so desperate, suicide and homicide seemed to be the only way out, and I was thinking about both. When death begins to look pretty attractive, something is not working about the way we are living. I finally concluded that divorce was a better alternative than death. Now that I have a new love in my life, I want to marry him, but don't want to say the phrase, "Until death do us part." Any suggestions?

I believe that one should be content no matter what the circumstances are. I believe I'm grateful for a fiance that knows that he is not the primary focus in my life, love is. I believe if I weren't content no matter what my circumstances were, I would not be blessed or a blessing to others, a child of a promise and I would choose death.

One of the reasons I require three sessions with the couples to be wed/united in holy union is that we explore the meaning of the ritual to them and how to most beautifully reflect their spirituality in the liturgy we are crafting TOGETHER. It is an intimate process that unites the three of us so that when we actually celebrate the wedding/commitment ceremony we are truly one in heart and spirit. YourChaplain.com is dedicated to honoring each couple's unique spirituality and love!

BTW, can someone be ‘illegitimate’ if they were conceived because of love? What did we ever do before marriage? We did what we have always done: conceive out of love. You don’t need a piece of paper to be married in the eyes of the gods, once you have expressed your desire to spend the rest of your life with each other and make a commitment (whether or not legal), that’s when god considers you married. Example: my fiancée and I live together, we have expressed our desire to live together forever, this life and the next. The only reason why we need a legal wedding is because of the legal benefits. Otherwise I would just assume go to a beach and do a handfasting and consider ourselves married.

fromoz: Correction: Jesus spoke in parables to make US figure out and find our own path. To follow someone else’s path is meaningless and an insult to the gods (or god). Also I highly doubt that god came down and put Jesus up on the stake, however technically he does kill off his sons, and daughters since we are all sons and daughters of god, and dieing is a part of nature. The gods can be many different things, and they can be one, they can be love, they can be nature, they can be in side of us, they can even be in this laptop that I type this on, but its all the same god, but yet different. Also I believe that many of the myths (Joseph Campbell def) from the bible need to be dropped because they are out dated.

soaring_lotus: very good point. I am studdying diffrent religions and have found that christianity is probably the only religion where you have to invite god, pretty much in all other religions god(s) are present in everything and everyone, so to invite god(s) would probably serve no purpose, expecially if its a pagan wedding held outside.

I think this article has an inmportant message for those within the wedding industry and for those who find themselves sucked into the "me, me, mine" mentality of wedding planning. The cake, the flowers, the dress, the guest list--all the details inevitably take over from what should be the focus of the day--the union of two people committed to spending their lives together. If I hear one more bride say "It's my day, I can do whatever I want" I will scream! A change in focus to the spiritual would certainly make for a smoother planning process.

I found the tone of this article a little annoying; I don't like it when people characterize the Ultimate Mystery in such trite terms as "God is a gentleman". But that aside,I would agree that when 2 people find their mutual higher purpose, or higher power, and commit to that purpose or power as well as to each other, you have a much more solid foundation for a deep, lasting partnership. I find it strange that many people firmly entrenched in the secular mainstream will still choose to get married in a church, even though the religious ceremony is meaningless or even vaguely repellent to them. I would much prefer to see couples coming to terms with the spiritual beliefs that move them, and celebrate that in whatever kind of ceremony and location seems appropriate. Without that acknowledgement of somehow being part of a bigger picture, if it's all about "me, me me", I think a marriage will find it harder to endure when things get tough - and they pretty much always do.

Alexi Jesus spoke in parables to intentionally deceive - and it seems to me that in presenting your god solely as a god of love that you are a deceiver as well? Isn't your god a god that murdered its own son - and isn't it a god that possibly murdered millions in the flood? Didn't your god murder David's son for the sin of his father and through no fault of their own doesn't your god reject people on the grounds of their race, birth status and physical impairment? Surely you are dishonest to only represent one aspect of your god - and by not acknowledging all aspects of your god you are acknowledging that the god of the Bible has no place in modern society?

How could God be absent from any human activity, including/especially a wedding. "Vocatus atque non vocatus Deus aderit." Carl Jung had that inscribed over the entrance to one of his homes. It means "Bidden or unbidden, God is present." That means even when God is not mentioned by name. If God is love and those who abide in love abide in God and God in them, then how can God be absent when love is present. Maybe God is the one who sent the invitation to two people to get married in the first place. Let God be God.

I think that we shouldn't just focus on Christian weddings and inviting God to one's wedding? How might a Buddhist wedding go? How would Hindus welcome Shiva to their wedding? Etc.? I think the Beliefnet columnists should gather a collection of how weddings differ in different cultures and religions.

Dear fromoz...I can assure you that god has not rejected you for anything. I'm not sure who coined the phrase "illegitimate" as a label for those concieved by two individuals, who happen not to be married at the time...this is a horrible thing to call someone. You were certainly concieved for great purpose...breathed into life by god. I am sure you have touched many people in your life in many positive ways. This whole "illegitamate" thing...well it's just a word...words are irrelevant when it comes to love...and you my dear fromoz are love incarnate.

Ndvmpslayr I've also been attacked by some Christians at this site. However the Bible calls for the murder of non-believers and in the past in Western countries non-Christians would be tortured and killed for their beliefs. At this very moment in Indonesia we see Christians murdering non-Christians in a holy war. As someone rejected by god because of my illegitimacy I have also been abused in various ways by Christians - the latest attack was only a few months ago when Christians who came to my door verbally abused me and tried to damage my car as they left. Non-Christians at this site are only attacked with writing - doesn't it provide some sense of security that they can't get their hands on us this time?

Your comment about no one caring if they offend Christians is simply not true. There are some Christians who are the prime offenders when it comes to making statements that demean other faith traditions. The inferrence behind these comments seems to be that Christians have somehow found the "only true way to God," and therefore, are the only ones entitled to the rewards of heaven. I was a Christian before I converted to Reform Judaism and I can say with 100% certaintity that I've been "attacked" more as a Jew than I ever was as a Christian.

ronniev93: If I've read too much into your posts, I apologize. Perhaps it's not so much what you said, but they way you said it. This is the second time you've made the statement about Christians not being bound by Jewish "law." Jewish "law" as it was interpreted at the time the bible was written may not be interpreted the same way today by all Jews. Not all Jews would begin "sacrificing again if they could." (cont)

harvest99, You are correct. God should be invited to be a part of the planning process as well. As a matter of fact, before I even met my fiancee, I was praying for him. I prayed before entering a relationship with him (i.e., while we were just friends). And I prayed throughout the dating process - "Lord, is he the one?". And we prayed before getting engaged and God has truly been part of the planning. Our budget (and our sensibilities) would be quite strained had God not been a part of this whole thing. God is AWESOME!

Ndvmpslayr, My post was not at all meant to put Jews or Jewish practices down. I think you maybe read a little bit too much into my statements. The *ONLY* point I was trying to make is that sacrifices are a part of JEWISH LAW and if CHRISTIANS were bound to Jewish Law (as the other posted implied), then we would do it, too. If Jews could, they would begin sacrificing again but there is no appropriate temple established to do this. If someone takes offence, I cannot help that. These days, everyone gets offended by everything. BTW, most people in today's times don't care if they offend Christians, including many Jews (or atheists, or Muslims, or whomever). It's like "Attack Christians but leave everyone else alone." Hypocritical times we live in.

What is marriage? A legal contract promising to love another person for the rest of your life. How can anybody promise so? Marriage is a sentence not a word. The longest sentence in the world? 'I do'. Seriously, too many marriages are made in haste. Folks should only get married if & when they don't actually care about any contract.

My husband and I had a very spiritual wedding. We got married in a wildflower preserve between two pine trees with all of our family and friends there to witness. We constructed our own gorgeous vowels to eachother which displayed our love for eachother much more personally than any religous ceremony. The man who lead the ceremony was a universalist, and allowed our input with every line read. God was most certainly there when we met, and was present in the trees and wildflowers, and the hearts of our family and freinds at our wedding. God is love, and love is #1 in our marriage...and now we share that love with our baby girl. You don't have to belong to a belief system and worship according to rules of conduct in order to have a strong bond in and before marriage. As John Lennon so eloquently wrote for a beatles song..."All you need is love".

Although my partnership isn't legally considered a "marriage" because my partner and I are the same gender, when we had our committment ceremony, we incorporated God in many ways. We borrowed from Jewish, Christian, Hindu, and Buddhist traditions and had a wonderful ceremony! I feel God was present and we both feel our relationship has been blessed (and continues to be blessed) by God. I can't imagine having not had a spiritual aspect to our ceremony.

After reading this story, another thought hit me, don't just ask GOD to be at the wedding. Let HIM guide you in planning every details. If you are both christians, you been praying that God will show you in the beginning who to marriage. As a mom, I prayed for the mates of my kids way before it was time for them to either think about marriage. I got the idea from Dr. Dobson. I am even praying at times for the spouces of my grandchildren for they are being raised by someone just like my grandkids are being raised.

I believe in a marriage the order it should be is (1) God, (2) then each other, (3) children when God gives them to you. by following this pattern it will help to make a stronger bond in marriage, and you are admiting that YOU need God to help you in building this realationship and all that goes on inside of that relationship. I think you should have God not only at the wedding, but before you even think about getting married. yet many couples doesn't know God when they get married and come to know Him later. When this happens just put God 1st at that given time. Then from there on in allow HIM to be number #1 in your marraige.

fromoz, If you were conceive out of marriage, then it is Your parents that will have to answer for thier sins, not you. You cannot be held responsible for your parents sin, as you are a individual and God will judge you on that. He is there waiting for you to turn it over to HIM, and to come to HIM. He is there with outreach arms waiting for you. Do not allow this to block your relationship with the LORD. The ones that rejects you for your parents sins, will be judge by the Father for rejecting you. Just because they say they are a christian doesn't mean they are.

fromoz: You are not illegitimate. You are valued and loved by God as much as any other human on this planet. You have repeated this stuff in other posts. I would like to try and help you understand how you are NOT illegitimate if you are open to it. ie, I want to help if I can as I can see pain and anger. If you are open to actually trying to figure this stuff out, then let me know, and I'll give you my email address. If not, then I will just continue to pray for God to heal your heart and let you know how much He really does love AND accept you. I will never push so its up to you. God bless.

ronniev93: Just for the records, most Jews don't "sacrifice lambs and goats" either. And most Jews also believe in and follow the "law of love." As for being "bound" to the "laws" as perscribed in the Hebrew Scriptures, do you mean that as a Christian you don't recognize the Hebrew Scriptures as having any meaning other than "great stories?" You say that there are writings from the Books of Wisdom and Psalms and Proverbs that are "applicable for all time." For centures, rabbis have studied and commented on the Torah (First Five Books of Moses) and the Hebrew Scriptures as a whole to help us understand how ALL the writings are "applicable for all time." I guess my point is this - when you talk about the Hebrew Scriptures as though they're somehow outdated, some Jews may take offense.

In my faith, marriage is a "sacrament", but is one ministered by the couple upon one another. God has a special love for a man and woman who consecrate themselves to one another. And it is a great gift for the married person to know that there is a third party to the marriage - one who always forgives, is always patient and kind, never jealous, always rejoices in the truth. We believe that by being present to a couple in such a selfish fashion, God gives a great gift to those who allow Him to be present to a couple.

fromoz, When you refer to the Old Testament LAWS, you are speaking about laws that were given SPECIFICALLY to the children of Israel. No one is bound to them UNLESS they decide to follow the Jewish faith. There are great stories in the OT - we get to see how God worked mightily through Israel. There are also many wonderful writings from the Books of Wisdom like Psalms and Proverbs that are applicable for all time. But you don't see Christians going to a temple or synagogue, or sacrificing lambs and goats. That is because we have one Law - that of love. So, reference to LAWS from the Old Testament and claiming that Christianity somehow faults you for someone else's mistakes is not entirely accurate. You will see all throughout the Bible that God can use ANYONE. I'm reading Joshua right now and God brought victory to Israel in one instance through a town prostitute. Now, if God can use her, certainly He will not reject you.

What a perfectly, "on-time" message for me. This is so true. God has really been blessing my fiancee and I and He gets center-stage on our wedding day. I know for a fact that the Lord formed us and shaped us specifically for one another and on that day God shall be glorified. What a great article.

Deuteronomy 23:2 "A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the Lord" I can not express how much guilt and shame I feel for my illegitimacy. And perhaps the cruelest part is that some Christians say it doesn't matter - but others reject me for the sins of my parents - and after all isn't illegitimacy still condemned in the Old Testament - to which many Christians still refer. Marriage must be according to the laws of god - so that bastards like myself are not conceived?

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