So, erm, Hi everyone. This is my first time doing a debate like this,But thankfully I’m up against the easiest person I can think of for me to Diss.It’s so bad, I’m in two minds whether to mock him harder;Like punching a dude in a coma - it’s easy but I’d feel bad after.Pfft who am I kidding: let’s lay down a beat with the sound track of his life: laughter.

So where to start - shit, how long is the list?It’s hard to be original against the guy that everyone’s dissed.He’s gunna trying to make this into a dick waving contest. Sorry bro, waving? you’ll just be jiggling at best.At least that’s what I think, when I squint at what I think could be your wood.To be frank that shit is tiny: and my eyesight ain’t that good. It all makes sense, it’s not news: when you read any of the shit he spews; you know something is wrong, because literally no one is that angry for that long unless somethings all fucked up with their dong.

I feel bad for the guy, his love life cant be easy,His girl be like “Is that a thumb tack in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?”Let’s face it, this guys dick gotta be broker than DDO right now Hence all the rage and bullshit spewing from his mouth.To be honest, I’d yell at people here if one day I was tapping something hotAnd then ask “how was it for you” and she answered “how was what?”

Despite having a package that girls can’t barely even feel, Like Ron Burgandy, RM thinks he’s kinda of a big deal,Mmm, Really? Is there some hidden talent that you feel you had to conceal and need to reveal?No, at best you’re just a retarded, incoherent clone of MagicAintRealOh no! Here come the slew of angry PMs. Better break out that jumbo Costco pack of depends.Cuz he’s gonna shit his pants in rage so bad, it be coming out both ends.Then finishes it off with “hey, here’s this debate, vote for me, let’s be friends!”

Forget mental heavyweights chumps like Einstein, newton or even Forrest fucking Gump.If I wanted to find his equal, I’d pull my pants down and take a dump. I’d produce two pounds of shit with more debate skill than you do.If I ate a vanilla ice CD first, it’ll probably rap better too.

I’m not saying that RMs dumb but - well yes - actually I am saying he’s dumb.To be fair, insulting him is getting to the point it’s not even fun.I’m holding back nearly as much as I canBut still it’s like a battle of wits with unarmed man.If that unarmed man was also concussed and dazed, and if his brain had been puréed.Oh, and was high on crack and was plain just “having a bad day”

RMs debates and posts are special, in every single thing he say.But of course I mean special in a “Ralph Wiggum” type of way.Best be sure mother fucker, I’m the DebateArt Walker Texas Ranger.You should be sitting at the back of the very short bus right now saying “haha, I’m in danger.”

It’s clear to a peer of that fear-filled sneering cunning cuckold why he wanted first, here, in this battle,

It was so he could hit me with the dunce-brained, mundane Simple-Simon views of this sheer monstrocity and get me rattled,

The notion that he could even be near enough to hear a bitch I fucked tell him my cock was less than a wild horse and more a pony with a saddle is as likely as him ever being touched by females that love him other than his mother with a paddle!

The thing about me and why I’m undeniably the type to gloat is that I get shit done and what I write is dope,

So before you abhor me for sucking up and adoring how a mediocre debater like yourself’ll use your mod-given right to vote,

Is that your ambition is just fiction, you’re not on a mission but addiction and just might devote your whole life into being a bystander while your ass is handed to ya’ when you try penetrate my defences; drown in your own juice, pussy, how you like my Viking moat?

Suck my blood? Dumbfuck, I appear to be a vampire, come and buy some rope, you didn’t suck your own kind, even the disguise you failed to fall for’s a lie but you’ll die as I’m a Lycanthrope.

“RM’s dumb” come and swallow my cum,

I am done with the playing you wanna spanking from the Rottweiler you PM’d for fun, oh so flirtatiously with and the fun-niest part of you saying I’d send you angry messages you’d be blessed with, bitch, is that you were the one begging me for the unblock, son,

Ramshutu’s bout as bright as the midnight sun, needs a really attentive moon to convey what he means for everyone, full moon out and this werewolf’s recycling puns, rip your fucking spine out of your throat, I’m done.

Round 2

Published:
02.24.19 11:00PM

Erm. Excuse me Ralph, but what the actual fuck was that? Was that supposed to be a rap?Here, take twenty dollars, buy yourself “an idiots guide to battles” - you don’t even have to pay me back.It may let you work out how to get from where you are to where you need to be,which is about 5000 times better, and less shitty to read.Seriously, Did the MS office paper clip pop up during your task as you were typing and ask,“Hey it looks like you’re trying to fit your whole head up into your ass!”

Well, we’re both happy to help you out on that with no extra cost, get some lube, apply some some force and of course, Consult with all the guys who’s salad you’ve tossed.

I’m not judging, I don’t care whether it was because you were young, or starting from the bottom rung.But it’s the only way to explain all that shit seems to be coating your tongue.

Why is it so bad? Well while I’m mocking you, you just sound plain whiney, your

best defense against me is “oh yeah, well my dick ain’t tiny”.

And also “you couldn’t got close to a girl I’ve fucked,” well surprise!I don’t want to go near a fleshlight with lipstick and googly eyes.You hunker down the only girl you’ve ever fucked in your bunker,

probably for safety to prevent her from getting a puncture.

Yeah yeah, I’m sure you been seen having sex with all your “silicone” queens.With pussys that detach right out, so they’re easier to clean. Even though she’s plastic, she probably still leave if you let her, one look at that prick, and she’d be like “I’m good, I can do better”

What next, oh yeah: “dunce brained, mundane”: who knew!

Did you google that one too, I hate to break it to you,

but dunce hasn’t been used by a real person since 1962.It shouldn’t be that hard to pull up something to quote,

or to understand the fucking basics like the Vikings didn’t build moats,

They were literally famous for building boats, and keeping them afloat,

and occasionally visiting Scotland and cutting a few people’s throats.

This is my temple, and I’m your personal fucking devil, you should ignore me at your peril,Because I’d need three brain injuries and a lobotomy just to think down to your idiotic level.

I mean look at this, ignore the obvious stuff I can bring,

what makes me better, and why I have you dancing on a shoestring

is that I can actually convince you that me calling you a dog in private was a good thing!

I don’t know how that dog reference hits you,

I’ll be more obvious next time, and point out you’re really a shitzu,

yappy as shit, and barks at anyone at all,

but spends his day in some bitches purse with no balls.

Your bark is worse than your bite, and even your bark is pretty slight,

but hey, there’s always the comments where you can correct all the other regards horseshit you didn’t get quite right,

These folks deserve better, you should apologize for bringing your limp noodle to this gunfight.

Quite frankly you should just quit now and give all your ELO to me,

I’ve done this for, like all of 2 hours, and I’m already better than you’ll ever be.

I’m master of the universe and I’m working to the top each time I win it, catching up on your shitty digitsI’m Isaac fucking Newton here and you have to admit it,

You’re being fucking destroyed while standing on the shoulders of midgets.

Sorry, Ram, famalam, did you not like my refutal? Why you mad? You seem sad, come here and boo-hoo as I school you, pupil,

Madman bam-bams, to your head, 'Shutu I shoot you;

Rural village that I pillage so futile in retaliation that frustration led telling me I Google what you sure did as the inutile fool you'll always be pulls two words that rhyme together by stuffing in the middle the epitome of an inexperienced rapper's bank of scrupulous, consertatively-structured lines; written frugal

Rap for the clueless, inspector Ramshutu be the Blues Clues; this is Sherlock, Watson, Mycroft, Eurus and Moriarty in one mind; you Molly Hooper-ass, poor fool,

Vikings did usually not build moats, they liked that natural water sailing over with mighty ships kept afloat,

Your tears are natural but Mister addict to debate-votes, better educate yourself on the matter before you tote and gloat,

Oh and while we're at it, things get problematic for a force-of-habit automatic vote-vending machine, when you take this 'tiny dick' approach,

'Cause how the fuck have you seen my dick? Shit's twisted, if you've been in my room with the dolls where I ride the ass of pussyholes like you pretty goat,

Or is it ram? You weren't that horny when I took you and and left you crying on the floor, cockroach.

You may remember it small but my member is tall, with piety, and I might be the best fuck you ever did deepthroat,

You begged me to unblock you public forums after all, what a joke,

So whatever you think is clever, very simply never will compare with the greatness of this ageless GOAT.

"Hand all your Elo to me" said the grasshopper to the tree,

But this Kung Fu Guru's outmaneuvrin' your ABC-rap-style with a smile and the Mathers-like swagger of an OGMC,

Can't stop me, you can't can even slow me, you don't really know me, stop tryna be all forceful with the rap you are no Kenobi,

You flow is so beneath the pure liquidity; lacks this agility, oh did you think you weren't infinitely inferior to this god-tier ability, ex-Homie?

Sad truth is the tiny-dick lines remind me that if were green beasts, you'd be Shrek the Ogre, and I'd be the mighty Master Yoda, you phony.

Round 3

Published:
02.26.19 06:34PM

Dafuq did I just read?Did you look at that bucket of piss and think this is what you need

to post for you to succeed?

Did you really just go with Ram, and famalam?

Did you think that you think that one was going to be a grand slam?

You know it’s bad when you have to define the rhymes in your lines. Shoulda gone with Ram Night Shamylam. The twist could have been you’ve been retarded this whole time.

Shit, I can’t get over how bad that was. Hot damn.It’s Like Dr Suess had a stroke after snorting more than a few grams. I do not like your shit raps and spam. I do not like them Ram-I am.

This humiliation could all have been avoided, and your shit didn’t have to be so disjointed.And to be sure, I’m not sad, or mad, I’m like your dad: not angry, just really disappointed.

You’re the GOAT? Erm no, we’ve all read the last few sessions.I reckon, that with some lessons and directions, and if I’m not present you could maybe work up to the be the greatest of all the last 3 seconds.

Your like one of those dudes who can’t even sing in key, but is so fucking deluded they go on X factoronin TV, the judges disagree, and he yells and screams and is escorted out by security into obscurityWell In this case I’m Simon Cowel, see, and it’s a big ass no from me.

You’d better bend over, your done,

because right here you’re the taker I’m the giver,

I’m quicker, a killer and the shit I spit’s slickerYou’re like nun with big tits and no wits,looks like you have promise but just won’t deliver.

I’ve haven’t seen your dick, no matter what you assume.

Even if I was watching you naked in your room, with your three wrinkly pubes groomed:

why haven’t I seen it? because my eyesight don’t got that kinda zoom.You’re like a ken doll, there ain’t nothing there at all: fuck, even Trump and Mike Pence would give you a free pass right into the girls stall.

But when you ready, maybe one day you’ll be able to hold that tiny member steady,and get ready to pop your Cherry.But right now even drag queens look down and be like “pick a fuckin side already.

Your dick is “Tall with piety”, are you kidding me? You shouldn’t be let out in society.I thought it weren’t possible but my respect for you got shot down and ceased, and just decreased, this sounds like a phrase you got from your Catholic Priest.But I don’t want to bring back any of your depression or repression, I guess “what happens in confession stays in confession” at least.

I see you googled the Vikings. Well done. You’re terrible at history and at least you being here will help you learn some.You see who built York? William one, he was a Norman.

From France. That’s not where the fucking Vikings came from.

You’re also confused between a moat and A Mott. Water filled trench it is not. A motts a big ass hill with the castle up on top And the only thing worse than you rapping about history is how badly you just fucked it up.

Sorry all for the history session,

just RM so wrong I had to correct him,

there won’t be a test at the end of the lesson.

You’re Yoda? Don’t make me laughunless you mean that you sit around all day enjoying Frank Oz arm up your ass.Maybe it’s all that up to the elbow stretchin perfection,

that explains all the smack down that you’re not fetching.

This battle’s like I’m Picasso painting,while you’re sitting there just etch-a-sketching.

Or maybe you are Yoda - remember how his last battle went?

He ran away into exile after losing to the emp?

Sounds a pretty relevant extent of this event.

Yeah, you’re done. You’d leave now if you had any wisdom. You can’t beat me in your condition. Let me give you a new mission, fuck off somewhere distant, Then wait twenty years for someone better to save you from me in the Dagobah system.

What you know about the struggle of a powerless muggle fighting his way to top, non-stop, through troublesome circumstances and the chances doubled in stats against him no one defends him and yet he stands here fuckin' up the site, burstin' foe's bubbles,

Truth is he's ruthless and the rubble that he leaves behind each victory's and defeat's so huge that the whole site's perplex at this complex puzzle,

Bitch you say I'm loud yappy dog, etch-a-sketh, and you a wild wolf Picasso? Na, as I just said, you're a bitch and this elo-rich monop'ly 'bout to make it clear why he barks loud and proud and you shut the fuck up; how's that muzzle?

Sideline-sitter, you're like nine times shitter than me on my worst day when you try be a legitimately ill lyrically-gifted spitter,

I'm the thick-dick pillar; type with a wrist-flick; addictive as I hit that liver,

Watch how I make you shiver, get your sister that your parents never let you in on having existed and indulge in every quiver of her pristine figure,

I'm so slick as I slither in her as she shivers and the inquisitive part of it all's how she took all the good genes and left your DNA-strings right in the shitter.

I bend her over and hit her, not abusive but it's like a I'm a magician 'cause whenever my wand's her keen visitor she goes from a sadist bitch to a masochist who seeks the cynism of a bad, madman that's more than a tad sinister,

Fuck you must be bitter but just trust me, in a few weeks you'll get over the sheer awe at the clinical means with which I beat your ass here as the pristine winner.

Round 4

Published:
02.27.19 06:22PM

I threw down as I thought this would be an intense overall word brawl,

but this guy hasn’t managed anything at all,

fuck - he spent more time complaining about how his dick ain’t really that small

than any insult that any of us can even recall.

I better call Saul, at the Albuquerque strip mall, to sue y’all, Cuz I asked for Tupac and I got White Goodman from The film Dodge Ball.

“Let me hit you with some knowledge”You know, the character Ben Stiller Played?Who didn’t get irony, sarcasm or laid?That’s you, bit like Kanye, but with even less talent of any kind I’m afraid,Oh and never relevant, or popular, with the shit you say lower grade,

RMs like the Black Knight from the tale of the holy grail, but this tisn’t but a flesh wound.He don’t got any arms or legs left after my rap, can’t even flail, he’s fucking doomed.Hear that whistling sound? That’s his self respect trying to leave the room.I would say his dignity too, But I assumed it died so long ago it would have to be exhumed.If I had my ass kicked through and through by an almost middle age white dude,

the letters are jumping of the page and are like “umm? we’re not with this guy.”

Maybe he has a reason to justify why, he has a comedy undersupply.Maybe as a kid, they found a tumour, and they had to surgically removed his sense of humour so he didn’t die.

Maybe he was in the marine corps before,

and while deployed he awoke for a smoke,

and got his ability to make a decent joke shot off in the war.

That’s the story you can tell your adopted granddaughters,

in between them asking “why are you a massive fucking bore,” and

“why does Grandma spend so much time fucking the old guys living next door”.

So you’re fired.

Take a fucking bow to your new king, you must be tired.

I’d let you kiss my ring if I had any idea at where that tongue has been,

so just understand your position at the top has been retired.

You’re rap is bad, and you should feel bad.

The amount you brag about it all should make everyone feel sad, it’s a sin,

Because none of the shit you said had anything interesting in, You tried putting on your big boy pants, and after 3 tries only got one arm in,Don’t worry, let me play my tiny violin for you slim,You just got pwned by the RamSo let that sink in

I think Rationals done this enough that I’m sure I have no chance of beating him on those sorts of technical points - like I said I have almost 0 rap experience or even that much exposure - I was going for trying to be purely entertaining, smart and funny. I’m personally judging myself on how smart my insults were, as long as people appreciated them, and whether I entertained people who read them, that’s all I can really expect out of this.

Plus - having voted on 156 debates thus far - there is literally not a single person on this site I haven’t alienated, which doesn’t help my cause :)

I didn't actually notice that. That's another reason why you should try to keep it a little more concise, there are 44 words between "might devote" and "buy some rope" which makes the rhyme quite imperceptible

I judge this without bias at all to any side. I think RM wins this by a good amount. I don't think it was RM just destroying him. I think Ramshutu dug himself a big hole to start, even though his disses were better than RM's

ROUND 1
Ramshutu: The rhymes are very good and the disses are well critiqued. For example

"It’s hard to be original against the guy that everyone’s dissed.
He’s gunna trying to make this into a dick waving contest.
Sorry bro, waving? you’ll just be jiggling at best."

I think it is a great diss and there are many others. But the flow is so choppy and have breaks of fast to short, it makes it read like poetry than a rap. This isn't bad, but RM is good, so he will write in poetry and rap verses.
RM: His disses were actually decent in this, I think his flow is superb, so I will give him the win here

RM 1-0

ROUND 2
This is one of the best round from an overall view of things. I think Ram and RM both have expectional flow and wordplay here and I think it is a tie for here. I do think that the disses come down to a marrow coin flip in this scenario. I do like RM analogies a bit more in this debate, so my vote has to go to RM here. This was RM's best round overall

RM 2-0

ROUND 3
Ramshutu digs a hole for himself in here. Long to short, short short, long, the flow is literally all over the place for him. His disses are pretty good. But RM just shits himself here. The wordplay is hard to flow, it is going all over the place, and is structured pretty, ehh. It isn't great and his disses never really stand out at all. It is, average. But RM wins this

RM 3-0

ROUND 4

RM sweeps. The flow is pretty good here and the disses are very well thought out. Ramshutu doesn't come close

RM 4-0

FEEDBACK
Ram: Fix your flow. I thought it was choppy and didn't make a whole lot of sense. It was very hard to rap too, but if you improved that, you would've beaten RM by a mile
RM: There were many times you would have lost this debate if Ram did not save you. If that was your effort vs an improve Ram or even me, it would lose. Improve your wordplay

I judged this on a scale from 0-4 using four categories, Flow, Wordplay, Diss and Rhyme. The maximum number of points for each category is four, and the maximum points per opponent all together is 16. Keep in mind these are not my usual standards given that this is a relatively amateur battle, and I would be using a different scale if this was meant to deal with the full spectrum of rapping skills.
RATIONALMADMAN
Rhyme: 3/4
Diss: 2/4
Wordplay: 2/4
Flow 2/4

Total score: 9/16

RAMSHUTU
Rhyme: 2/4
Diss: 3/4
Wordplay: 2/4
Flow: 1/4

Total score: 8/16

EXPLANATION
Rhyme:
RM rhymed quite well in this battle, carrying the same rhyme scheme across multiple paragraphs in some cases, and also making use of intermediate rhymes between main rhymes. For example " I fucked a fat bitch with a cactus and did crack hits on the mattress, I'm wasted/ I practiced gymnastic backflips while she gobbled my fat dick, and catfish is how that bitch told me it tasted/"
Ramshutu's rhyming was far less intricate, although he did make use of that technique on a smaller scale. Most of his rhyme schemes however were short and straightforward, with some lines not even rhyming at all.
Diss:
Ramshutu did better with disses in this battle. He seemed more on the offensive whereas RM was more on the defensive for most of the battle, and he also did well to correct him on the technicalities of historical terminology and references.
Wordplay:
They both used a little wordplay but nothing too impressive.
Flow:
RM has a decent flow although someone who is not as learned in the ways of rap as I am wouldn't be able to tell just by reading it. Ramshutu has a very straightforward and basic flow that only seldom-connects at times.