My girlfriend has an admirer who sends her Facebook messages — nothing sexual — but when she tells me about them, instead of getting jealous, I become excited and fantasize about her having sex with him. Is this normal ?

— Eric, Manhattan

I can see how knowing that your partner is desired elsewhere could be attractive; complimentary, even. It’s nice knowing that she “belongs” to you — and only you. (And vice versa, of course.) Acting upon these fantasies, though, is another story. So my question to you is, have you ever thought about actually bringing someone else into the bedroom? Or, is this strictly a fantasy? Either way, normal is a relative term. Everyone has different fantasies and gets turned on in unusual ways. Who is anyone else to challenge your own feelings or thoughts? I say just roll with it. Whatever gets your juices flowing, right? (So long as your girlfriend doesn’t mind providing the thirst-quenching scenarios.) Just make sure that you’re staying true to what you want — just a fantasy or actually acting it out — as well as what your girlfriend can handle. Continue to be open and honest with each other about where it’s all coming from — and, most importantly, where you want to take it.

After the loss of my kids’ father, I married a man who was a complete con (financially, emotionally, verbally, and most sadly, physically abusive). I happily divorced him two years ago and I am now in a great place. I am tall, pretty, fit, intelligent and have a great career. One of my kids is in college and the other is in high school. I would love to share the company of a real gentleman, however due to time constraints, responsibilities and emotional investment limitations, I’m not looking for a heavy commitment.

I love the city, being active, dining, going to Yankee games etc. and I am not interested in dating sites. Do you think it’s possible to find a gent with the same mindset? If so, how?

— Claire, 53

You’re in luck, Claire! A man wrote in just a few weeks ago expressing similar beliefs, so your wants and desires are attainable. In fact, if you’re so inclined, maybe I can put you two in touch. He sounds like a total gentleman and shares the exact ideals. He wrote in anonymously, so I don’t know his age or where he lives, but on paper this may just be the guy you’re looking for, and vice versa! If you’re up for it, e-mail me and I’ll collect some info and report back.

Now, putting that aside, being honest and upfront in the beginning is what needs to be done when you’re dating someone new — especially at an older age when you’re more sure of what you want and need from a partner. This way, you’re not leading him on. That said, you’ve gone through a lot, including abuse, which is heavy stuff, so don’t let your entire emotional guard down as soon as you shake the guy’s hand on your first date. Not only is it unsafe, but it puts way too much pressure on you and might scare him away too soon!

As for how to do it, just continue living your life! After all, you want to meet someone with similar interests, right? Keep going to Yankee games, but leave your pals back at the seats by offering to get food for the group. This way, you can put yourself out there without being attached at the hip to someone else. (Women are more approachable when they’re alone!) Maybe you’ll catch sight of a good-looking man on line for Brother Jimmy’s BBQ. If you do, come up with an excuse to talk to him. Ask him if he’s ever tried the “frickles” (those are deep-fried pickles) — that’s sure to get him talking! Hey, what do you have to lose? Be confident. Confident women are sexy!