My Weekend Diary: Rated 18! SNLV

“Samm-” I was going to shout. She stamped an index finger that has a long painted nail on my lips. She came in through the kitchen door. Someone I’ve not seen in months…or maybe a year, and the least of anyone I could be expecting. She has changed. An experience from the NYSC she just finished may have polished her. No, it can’t be the NYSC. I can only imagine what hell of a place she was posted to for the national youth service. Maybe she has a new boyfriend now; one that is obviously taking good care of her and paying the bills. Maybe she got a job. No. Well, she’s not my business. I was just surprised (and a little bit excited) someone I wasn’t expecting turned up in my face. I won’t even be further surprised if she had come with a car but there was no trace of a car key on her. “You look amazing!” I said. Truly she does. Her vintage accessories and hairstyle was trendy enough to catch my fancy. “Na God o,” she smiled. “Wow look at you,” I said while I let my eyes scan her all over.

“You didn’t bother to ask of me,” she started.

“Awww, I’ve been quite busy these days. Not been around,” I was going to start explaining myself as if I owed her any reasons for not asking after her. She paced into the hallway and stopped at a life-size painting on a wall.

“Wow! Who did this? The whole house has changed o”

“The boy you met at the stairs did. He’s a genius”

“Indeed. People get talent o. That small boy?” She asked and furthered into the game lounge that used to be a bedroom the last time she visited. “Ah ah, he did the paintings here as well?” She asked again and I was getting tired of answering. I tried to distract myself by rolling up the blinds to look downstairs. ‘Are you expecting someone?’ And there we go again. I didn’t respond. She was yet to sit when she began to switch the channels on the DStv. I was sure where she’ll stop—Africa Magic. Mscheeww. I made to leave the lounge when she grabbed my arm…

“Is he around?”

“Of course I want to let him know you’re around”

“No o. I didn’t come to see him”

“Huh?’ I raised an eyebrow in question. “Ayo!” I called out, at the person who should be hosting her. He was far from reach but somewhere around the living room. He couldn’t have heard. “I didn’t come to see him,” she insisted. “Ok, make yourself feel at home. He’ll still know you’re around afterall,” I told her, smiled. “I’ll be leaving soon. He won’t know I came,” she concluded. I left the lounge. She followed back, into the kitchen.

“See ehn, I didn’t come here to see him. I just know I’ll meet you so I can tell you it’s over between the two of us,” she said while closing the distance between myself and her. Her left arm landed on my shoulder and she was now close enough I could feel her breath on my face. Her words became mixed with the vanilla scent of her lipstick.

“You and him?” I asked as if I didn’t know who she was referring to. I let her hand stay for a minute before I moved away, towards the freezer that towered behind me. She closed in. I wasn’t surprised she’s breaking up. I was surprised she’s just doing it. “After all these years?” I asked, knowing she’ll be confused what I meant by the “years”. After all these years you’re just quitting a relationship you always complain about? After all these years you just decided to move on?

“See, Victor. Don’t pretend as if you don’t know everything I went through all these years with Ayo. Everything I tolerated. Still the idiot won’t change!” she continued. Oh you just realized he’s an idiot? I thought to myself. “Well, have you told him you’re quitting the relationship?” I asked, again. “I don’t have to tell him. He’s not a kid. He should know when it’s over. But the main thing I want to tell you is…” she lost it. Words trailed off. I sighed. Ayo walked in.

Before this turns out to be another long narrative as my previous article, let me cut it down to where it got even more interesting…

She has been in the sitting room with him and had started yelling anything that wouldn’t make much sense to me. I joined them and she asked me to sit. She clutched a pillow from the couch to her chest. I wasn’t concerned what mood the both of them were and what more she had wanted to tell me this time. I laughed at whatever could have seemed funny around—Ayo’s face that was squeezed with confusion especially. She asked him to leave while I filled the space beside her. Funny how I was typing this article away on my BlackBerry while I tried to give my attention to her. “Shio. yeh yeh,” he teased at her and left. He may be sure I’ll resolve things between them. I’ll talk to her. Yes, I’ll talk to her but not to resolve anything between them. They’re not my business.

“Shey you see. What is he feeling like? You see that goat. Ewu”

“What’s ewu?” I laughed.

“Goat. that’s what he is. A pig!” She was boiling now.

“Yeh yeh!” Ayo called from inside the bedroom. I was still laughing. She seemed more angry when he appeared again to interrupt the conversation we were both yet to start.

“Sammy, just ignore him and say what’s in your mind,” I tried to comfort her. Then she unleashed…words that trailed off in the kitchen returned and erupted at once.

“I no longer want this idiot, this fool! All I want from him now is to pay me off! I’ve wasted four good years in this relationship and all I get is him fucking me! All he does is fuck me!” She yelled. Her rouge blush reddened even more with the anger on her face. I looked on, at her. “You can see am better now than I used to be when I was serious with this idiot.” She stood up and ruffled towards him. She pressed a finger on his nose and rolled a fist—the start of a fight. “You idiot. Fool!” She raged at him.

“You want to scratch my face ni…with those claws of your fingers. You’re telling me you’re no longer interested when I’ve left you long before now,” He yelled back. “Victor, please ask her when was the last time I called her before she called me this morning to tell me that she’s in Lagos,” he was laughing again. “Look, nothing is funny here now, you’ve messed with her feelings long enough and she came to make it clear that she’s leaving you, so why not be reasonable and listen to her?” I said to Ayo.

“And leaving you is not my problem at all. The issue is, you must pay me 50k,” she demanded, ‘before I can leave you!”

Wow! Fifty thousand naira? For getting fucked for four years? I thought to myself again. All she had said earlier just reached home. “I no longer want this idiot. All I want from him now is to pay me off! I’ve wasted four good years in this relationship and all I get is him fucking me! All he does is fuck and fuck me!” I couldn’t do anything at that moment but think of how they used to have sex. How they used to fuck: how often, and how well. I remember walking in to the room once. One of those times when she’ll come and spend a week or two with him. Those times when she was enjoying the relationship and it wasn’t anyone’s business. Those times when all they do is sleep, fuck, eat, fuck, shower together and fuck again!

I walked into the room after they’ve left the air steaming with all their sexual energy. Both had slept off. Naked. Her breasts that has seen some good measure of squeezing sagged slightly down her chest. A leg was raised close to the wall on a pile of pillows while the other folded under her thigh. No little was left to the imagination. Not even the space between her thighs which she opened out enough to take in the cool from the AC. I could only imagine the position they just finished before running out of energy and slept off. Her ruffled hair splayed around her neck. His d**k was throbbing against his thigh and I could tell these two just had a marathon. I didn’t bother if anyone of them was going to wake up that moment. I searched a wardrobe for a book I needed before leaving the room.

Fifty thousand naira for all that sex that was going on for four years?? This time, Ayo made to leave the living room and she stormed after him into the game lounge. I joined them. The first attempt at breaking things was made at the 3D TV. She grabbed a game pad and threw it at the screen which didn’t break. “Are you guys insane!?” I yelled. “This is not his fucking house! If you should be breaking anything, break his head!”

I was done typing this by the time she had chased Ayo out of the house. SHHHHHH….Now look, this is a little secret between you and I o, don’t tell anyone you read this. It might be another round of fight if my friend and his ex finds out I wrote this!!! LOL!

A telepath sitting in a corner of your mind. I'm one you can't hide your feelings from but taking care of what you feel is none of my business. A privacy freak! Victor-Ola is a passionate dude with a perfectionist mentality and always driven by creativity and creating new ideas.

12 comments

Lmfao!!!!!!!! Nice one! I love this. Dropped all I was doing so I could concentrate. I don’t regret doing that though. Even had to quickly scroll down to see if I could drop a comment and give kudos, and POW!, that I’ve done. Keep it bruv!

Wow, I don’t even know if I should laugh at this but Victor obviosly didn’t meant for this to be funny. poor Sammy, but she was enjoying the relationship at one point so why demand for money to break up, and 50k for that matter?

I forgot this article is rated 18! lol and I was reading it with my younger sister. she is 17 though and she probably know these things actually happen in relationships and I commend victor’s writing, gave me a really good laugh this afternoon!

She’s asking for alimony for dating? Or for getting f**ked for four years as victor said. I like the vivid description of events in this article, especially the after sex. Victor, did ayo paid her the 50k?