“Boy, the wife is getting on my nerves. She keeps giving me sympathy cards for being unemployed.”

“Ah, yes, you speak of a new line of greeting cards from Hallmark. What do the cards say?”

“‘Don’t think of it as losing your job,’ reads one. ‘Think of it as a time-out between stupid bosses.'”

“An interesting way to console someone who is out of work.”

“And awfully patronizing, if you asked me. It makes the person giving the card feel good and the unemployed slob receiving it feel worse. Here’s the last one the wife got me: ‘Losing your job does not define you. What you do about it does.'”

“Sounds a little preachy. Still, you have to hand it to the Hallmark people. With unemployment stuck at more than nine percent, why not make dough exploiting a new market niche?”

“Well, if they’re willing to exploit something as crappy as losing your job, why not exploit other lousy occasions?”

“This is going to be good. Go on.”

“How about cards for the millions of Americans who have gone bankrupt? Something like: ‘I hate to bother you now, considering the mess you’re in, but could you repay me my 20 bucks before the feds close in?'”

“Not bad.”

“How about cards for the millions of small-business people who are going under because they can no longer get loans, thanks to our government’s overly stringent financial reform? ‘You took your shot at the American dream and for that you are commended. But you forgot to factor in government red tape and the total lack of lenders!'”

“I suppose a person who just lost his or her life’s dream might find that oddly amusing. What else do you have?”

Maybe we could all send him a pink slip telling him he is fired.
Or a blank job application form for a shovel ready job on a pig farm.
Perhaps a ballot of no confidence in him
An award for being the worst President Ever
A sympathy card for not having country he can claim as his own
A new birth certificate might be nice
For being the most incompetent person in any room he is in.
A name tag with his home address and phone number on it, oh it better have his illegal registration number on it too!

Or a “dog tag” that says he has had his rabies shots. Or, a renewal notice that his rabies shots are expired. Maybe a one way ticket to Kenya, perhaps, and 3 more free ones for his family……….and a taxi to take him to the airport. And body guards to see that they make it onto the plane. With a swift kick in the rearend to help him along his way…………………….