New Man Laws for Young Black Men

So in that spirit, here’s a few more of AverageBro.com’s New “Man-Laws” For Young Black Males.

1) MySpace Rapper Is Not a Legitimate Career Option - The problem with rap music nowadays is too many damn rappers and not enough fans. Watch 106th and Park, cruise the comments section at XXL, or just drive around your nearest hood and peep the scrum stapled to every telephone pole. You’ll see plenty evidence that MySpace Rapper is the new ghetto dream/hood come-up. The problem is, most of these rappers suck, and none of these dudes trying to rap have apparently noticed that music period, not just rap music, isn’t even selling anymore! You’d be better off goin’ to trade school, getting that GED, or just goin’ back to hustlin’ than you would trying to “get your label off the ground”. There’s only one Jay-Z for a reason. And guess what? You ain’t him! Stay in school, fool.

2) Bright Colors Are Not Your Friend - This trend is thankfully jumping the shark as I type this, but what the hell ever happened to wearing earth tones, or just plain black? Bamas will rock pastel polos, Crayola-inspired sneakers, and those stupid lookin’ multicolored pinwheel baseball caps like they’re 3rd graders. Enough already.

3) Be Nice To Johnny Law - My Pops taught me a very basic rule for dealing with the cops: Don’t! 99% of the time, if you’re not doing anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about. So when a cop pulls you over, comply. Don’t act a damn fool and end up in a pine box. Yes, there are some egregious examples of cops who blatantly abuse their power, but far more often, the catalyst for an ass whoppin’ is some Negro who just didn’t know when to shut up. Do what they ask you to do, take down badge numbers and names, and live to tell your lawyer about it the next day.

4) ‘Shawty’ Is Not A Term of Endearment - Learn how to treat and talk to women. One benefit of youth is having the room to experiment and figure out what you like about the opposite sex without tangible commitments (ie: a ring and kids). So, by all means enjoy yourselves. But no woman likes to be catcalled and shouted at. “Ay Ma!”, “S’up Shaaawwtaaay!”, and “C’mere Girl!” are not proper ways of attracting young ladies. Learn how to simply smile, say “Hello”, and introduce yourself. And if the girl isn’t interested, no need to insult her by hurling an “Eff’ You Beeyotch!” as she walks away. Just pick up your dignity and keep on’ fishin’.

5) Enunciation Is A Beautiful Thang - My Pops also taught me the importance of how to speak to grown-ups in a way that commands respect. Speak loudly, clearly, enunciate, and use direct eye contact if you want to be taken seriously. Don’t show up for your job interview wearing aviator shades and mumbling to the floor like one enterprising young brother I observed at an H&M store in Philly last Summer. Discover the joys of code-switching, and learn the appropriate places and times for using words like “jawn”, “young”, and “tight”. Eliminate the word “conversate” from your vocab altogether. If you’re vexed, peep my epic The AverageBro Broken English Hall of Shame post, and it’s accompanying comments for further guidance.

6) Pull Up Your Damn Pants - We already talked about the whole bright colors thing. But hues aside, make sure you’re putting your best foot forward when the occasion deems to necessary. All pencil jeans should be burned immediately. Ditto for those skater hoodies. Pull up your damn pants. Liberace wore themed belt buckes. If you don’t know who he is, Google him, then trash yours. And while I’m all for accessorizing, there is no rational explanation for wearing Air Jordans, a black and white pinwheel cap, aviator sunglasses, and carrying a walking cane when you’re wearing a black suit… at a funeral. Exercise some common sense and dress according to your environment. And oh yeah, no more pencil jeans.

7) Leave An Open Seat - This is closely related to the No Slow Jams rule. If you’re at the movies and there’s enough space, for the love of all things precious, leave an empty seat between you and your boys! You are not on a date, you are watching a movie with friends, so space it out. You can communicate with each other just fine when separated by an empty seat, and who knows, if you’re lucky, a nice young lady might want that seat. And you won’t even have to call her “shawty” either.

Blunts Are Not A Nutritional Supplement - Your body is your temple; not an ashtray for roaches. Two Strawberry Swishers (or Phillies, whatever floats your proverbial boat) do not equal a serving of fruits and veggies. Recreational drug habits make it difficult to hold down a real job, rob you of pocket change, and permanently char your lips. If you’ve really gotta do this though, at least have the decency to partake in the sanctity of your Mama’s basement, not while driving your Mama’s car down Georgia Ave in mid-day.

9) Enough With The Feminine Grooming Habits - I’m a Kappa Man, so I understand the importance of looking good. That said, some of these young dudes nowadays are taking the whole Omarion/Ne-Yo I’m-So-Hood’ metrosexual thing a bit too far. Baby hair is for babies. You shouldn’t be using your little sister’s makeup pencil to draw imaginary hair anywhere on your person. And if you’ve actually arched your eyebrows, or even remotely considered arching your eyebrows, just go ahead and stick your head in an oven right now. Life isn’t getting any easier.

10) Read A G.D. Book - This isn’t strictly a young black male phenomenon by any means, but let’s break this habit while we’re still young. Every time I go to the barbershop, I hear all sorts of misinformation floating around. “Obama’s a Muslim.” “Ciara’s a hermaphrodite.” “The reparations checks are in the mail.” “Tupac is secretly living in Brazil.” “John McCain is bringing SlaveryBack… yep.” All untrue, and all easily refutable if you’d read something other than King Magazine and the Post sports section. Man Up! and get yourself a library card. Smart is the new cool, fool.

Again, feel free to disagree and flame me in the comments. If you’re on board, add your additions below. But whatever you do, don’t ignore the message because you dislike the messenger. Either way, Take The AverageBro Challenge to help save our young black boys and girls[6] from a future of Flavor of Love casting calls, HPV, and commissary deposits. And if you can’t do that, at least forward this post to your nephews. P.S.: don’t forget the “Melyssa Ford Topless Photos” subject line.

Friday, July 25, 2008

DOG....

Racist vs. Classist

I know this is a crazy, sort of confusing question but...do you guys think racism is based more on race or class? If all my friends are well to do people, is that just as bad as being a person who is prejudice based on color. Do any of you have friends that are living in poverty, that you truly "hang" with."

The question of the day is...is being a classist just as bad as being a racist?

George may be getting something named in his honor!!

Black in America Series

I watched the first segment of the series last night regarding the Black Woman in America, tonight the focus is on the Black Man, should be interesting. I thought that Soledad did a great job, by the way, she's way cool, I met her at the NAMIC conference a few years ago...very neat chic. I have to at least applaud her for pulling this off, we've never had anything like this before. I am thankful that she took the time to focus on us. I hope they do a series like this on all races....would be interesting..

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

If you inherited or won a lot of money....would you tell?

I think money changes the way your friends/family treat you. Would you ever tell if you won/inherited a considerable amount of money. I've seen documentaries that followed people after they won the lotto, and their lives seemed to always take a turn for the worst, either they are surrounded by new fake friends, or family that really didn't care about them starts to have a whole lot of "new found love".

So the question of the day is, would you tell? Would you keep it a secret? Would you be upset if someone close to you turned out to be a multimillionare right under your nose?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I'm really starting to hate drug companies.....and this is why.

So I fired my old OBGYN because her game was wack, anyway, today in my new doc's office they have a series of preset questions that they ask every new patient, one of which was "Do You Know If You (or Your Mother) Was Given DES During Pregnancy?", or something like that. Anyway, I found out what it was, and it's so sad. Women who's mother's were exposed to this drug while pregnant could be the cause for all sorts of issues. It makes me sick. Anyway, here is the info on it, just in case any of you know someone who might be interested.

oh...btw, this is a side note to brighten up my gloomy post...guess what I'm growing under my arm...maybe. Today I asked my OB what this lump under my arm was, I was concerned b/c I've had breast surgery in the past to remove a mammary hamartoma...it was benign, thank God...anyway, i asked her what she thought it might be, she tells me an auxiliary mass....possibly a third nipple...uhm...mind you it just looks like an infected hair follicle. Just picture me with a third nip...anyway, talk about surplus milk, she says excitedly " yes, it may even produce milk (laughing)" that ish ain't funny! LOL, well it was but I'm anxious to have this ultrasound done on it, yall pray for me and my third nipple....that is strangely growing under my arm......LOL.

Yuppie

Yuppie: a young, ambitious, and well-educated city-dweller who has a professional career and an affluent lifestyle

By definition this is who I am today. Ok so I may not have an "affluent lifestyle per say", at least not by my standards of what I know "affluent" to be; I equate affluence to a "Kimora Lee Simmons" like lifestyle. Anyway, I am however doing better than most.

So, I was watching CNN the other day, and I caught a snippet of Soledad moderating the "Black in America Series", she made a statement that made me think. She recalled a comment that someone had made, they explained that they had more in common with their white/black educated counterparts, then most of their friends that they may have grown up with, etc. She then went on to say that many it seems that once many AA's (African Americans) reach a certain economic level they tend to forget those in a lower economic class, i.e., "where they may have come from".

Now, I definitely think that I still "remember" where I came from, and my "prejudice" towards lackadaisical behavior is purely driven on just that. I absolutely, unequivocally hate when a person is just sitting around waiting for things to be handed to them. I do not understand people who expect "handouts". I cannot relate to those that think that the world owes them something. I feel that many AAs feel like the world owes them something. It doesn't, and if you are waiting on that day to come.....keep dreaming. It's not coming. The only way to conquer that dream is to do it yourself. Yes, we as a people were treated badly...and not that long ago, but so were many other people. I suppose I'm tired of some in this country using the black struggle as some type of ammunition to perpetuate ignorance and well lackadaisical behavior. They carry on as if the torture that was leased upon our ancestors/relatives gives them the right to act irresponsibly. It doesn't. If anything, that should be a motivating factor to act more responsibly, to encourage education, and financial responsibility. The longer we have crutches the more we will lean.

So, I know i'm rambling on, but I said all this to say, I'm not disconnected, I especially applaud those that can rise above economic strife and build a better life for themselves, in fact I welcome and support it. It's those that just "get by" the only way to succeed is to sacrifice. That means real focus folks...real focus.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Old people think they slick....

So i'm on my way back to DC, headed to Union Station. I boared the train in Charlotte, NC, we waited to get on board in a single file line....for like 30 minutes, reason being is because seating is first come first serve in COACH and no one wants a bad seat...anyway, this little group of old ladies tried to act "crazy" on purpose, like they got what my granny use to call a "bad understanding". They pretended as if they didn't understand the line situation.

These old bitties rushed the line, mind you we had all been waiting for at least 30 minutes....these bingo bunnies rushed the line and then tried to act like they could not hear, turning to each other talking about "Agnes, what did she say? huh? do we need to be in that line?? Knowing DAMN well that we weren't all standing there for nothing, I know these ladies were old and wise because and soon as the "train lady, warden chick that was in charge" left, they were giggling.

Honestly, it was too cute. Getting old has it's perks....and for that reason, I can't WAIT to get old, i'm so playing that card, you guys have NO idea......

Hypothetically Speaking.........................

Let's say you are on a bus, train, airplane, somewhere where you are in close quarters with other individuals and they are using the N-word and/or cursing very loudly

You can't move...no other seats around.....Would you say something to them? If you answered yes, would your confrontation be contingent on the person's age, would if differ if it was teenagers/thugs/rednecks/old black folks/real ghetto folks/ snobbie folks? How would you respond?

Foreshadowing

Well today I am on the train headed for Charlotte, NC. I thought I was doing good by purchasing business class tickets, I was expecting quiet. WRONG! The beginnning of my trip has been eventful to say the least. You see, I'm sharing close quarters with a mother decked out in Baby Phat gear....boobies and arse everywhere, and a less than pleasant two year old. Ok back to the baby phat thing...I had to tell her that her shirt (that she is wearing as a dress) was riding up so much that her undies were showing through her tights, big ole white granny panties. The toddler...is a special needs child. This poor little guy was whimpering from 10am to around 4pm, he finally fell out and went to sleep. The entire time she changed him about 3 times, no food though...ok a little bit of pringles...and a squirt of juice. And for entertainment you ask? A toy truck...makes a lot of sense on a dang train. I know I'm not technically a parent yet, but I've raised enough babies growing up to know this was not a good look...anyway, I know daggone well we can do better as parents.

His mom clearly was not interested in making sure he was distracted, he complained the entire trip. She had no snacks...nothing for him to do. Infact, she completely ignored him for a good part of the trip, she pretended as if he wasn't acting a complete you know what. I feel sorry for this kid. He was on the floor in a diaper, on the floor of a train yall....playing...no shoes, no pants. Toward the end of her stop, she got him all dressed....put a hat on his head, pants, and shoes....like it was all good, like he wasn't just sniffing and playing around in a germ infested floor. I suppose she is going to meet the baby's father, or someone she's trying to impress, but she's definitely not backing it up truthfully.....other than that, my ride has been great, in fact i love it. I'm staring outside the window as we speak....kicked back, lots of leg room, a cafe on board, relatively decent bathrooms, and my jazz music and my laptop..hog heaven. I'm already missing the love of my life, I swear he's the air I breathe..but don't tell him I said that, can't have him running around with a big ole balloon head.

Oh, sidenote, we completed the baby's room last night, it's all becomimg so surreal now, I'm still in awe...I'm going to be someone's mama yall.....someone will refer to me as "mommy". So sweet, the morning light hit his room this morning, and I imagined myself peeking in on him, it was such a sweet little feeling, I can't wait to meet my little man, pray that he's ok for me ok? Pray that he's a healthy, smart little guy, anyway smooches yall....

Does it make you a liar if........

your answers change from day to day on similar questions? I don't think so, I know personally I answer questions in the "now", as in depending on how I feel on that day, this is excluding things I have very strong convictions about of course. I'm speaking of questions like, do you like this or that? or when was the last time you did such and such? Quite frankly, I may recall one memory one day, and perhaps another might be more memorable on a different day....anyway, do you guys think that folks who answer questions based on how they feel on a day to day are liars? even if the answers may change?

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Busted Stories

Once upon a time in Houston, Tx I busted an ex. It was 2am on a muggy, Houston night. I had just come in from hanging out with the girls. My usual routine was to call "dummy" or he would call me before we retired for the night. On this particular night, "dummy" was "on-call"...he was a physician (I know what was I thinking dating one of them). Anyway, so he "said" he was on-call...he was on call alright.... Ok so I called to say good night, and a female voice picks up.

Her: Hello (all giddy and shi)Me: Uhm, I must have the wrong number....Her: No, this is "dummy's" phone, he's sleeping....Me: Oh really, who are you?Her: I'm "dummy's ho"....and we just finished "making love"

***at this point***i'm about to lose it, I had dated this "dummy" for like 3 years, I was in disbelief****

Me: You just finished WHAT! I'm his girlfriend, where the hell do you stay? (what was i thinking, my rationale was gone)Her: **crying..sniff..sniff*** I knew he had a girlfriend.....he never answers...never home....(she's acting all stupid, and she's dumb enough to tell me where she stays)Me: What is your address..i'm coming over to see this crap...(writing down address...i'm dumb enough to go over...and i told her not to wake him up, cause i wanted too...)

I arrive.

He's laying BUTT ASS NAKED in her bed.....no covers on the bed...which tells me that they had been engaging in the wild monkey sex I had taught him all these years...i'll be damned....So I was VERY hurt, but strangely, I have this innate ability to look insanely calm when i'm pissed, although my blood temp if taken, would have been at least 107. Anyway, I enter her bedroom...he's still sleeping....I wake this fool up...

Me: "Fool!"Him: "uhm huh, what...(tears start rolling down fool's cheek) WTF hell is going on???Me: Hey Baby, so, I see you are working REALLY hard, on call, is she one of you new patients?Him: Baby, I'm so sorry ( he growls at "ho", you #$#$ why did you pick up my damn phone) listen baby, she don't mean nothing.....**he says a bunch of jibberish***i can't remember it all....Me: Uhm, and obviously neither do I for you to do this fool, I just wanted to see this for myself so you couldn't smooth this over.....i'm out...

****at this point, I'm walking to my car*****they are both following me***he curses her out once more....she starts crying LOL*** he catches up and tries to block my car door.....i'm looking at him like why...you dumb ass fool...he of course continues to block the door, I finally go around the other side, hop in ....drive off.....fool calls me and then sends me some crazy email.....one of these days i'll post it...anyway the story continued....and that is another story on another day.

The moral of the story is NEVER take a cheater back.....like I said I'll post that another day.

Jealousy Part II

Ok after a bit more analyzing, I'm starting to really and truly understand why "she" was jealous....it still hurts but at least I can come to grips with why she was so mean. Being lonely sucks. Watching everyone around you do things you want to do...sucks. I'm like the third person she knows this year who has had a child, one of her close friends and one relative just had a baby.

So, I'm thinking that because she equates her happiness to marriage+kids, that to her, her life sucks right now. I am just a reminder of that she does not have...sadly.

It sucks that she thinks this is the only thing that will make her happy, but it equally sucks that she would take it out on me....her sister in-law of all people. I started pondering, and I'm sure her mom is expecting her to organize everything for the baby shower (the one that I'm canceling as soon as possible) anyway, that's got to be painful, I'm sure she envisioned herself as the first baby-maker in the family as opposed to her baby brother, secondly, her mom is making her clean up a spare room at their house for "the baby" when it comes to visit, all this had got to be overwhelming, so perhaps I need to be more understanding...it's hard, but it's something I have to at least consider.....

Monday, July 7, 2008

Amber Alert

Please look at the picture, read what her Mother says, then forward this message on.

My 13 year old girl, Ashley Flores, is missing. She has been missing for now two weeks.

Maybe if everyone passes this on, someone will see this child.

That is how the girl from Stevens Point was found by circulation Of her picture on tv. The internet circulates even Overseas,South America , and Canada etc. Please pass this to Everyone in your address book. With GOD on her side she will be Found.

'I am asking you all, begging you to pleas e Forward This email on to anyone and everyone You know, PLEASE.

It is Still not too late. Please help us. If anyone Knows anything, please Contact me at: HelpfindAshleyFlores@yahoocom I am including a Picture of her.

Jealousy....cont'd

I can now talk sensibly, yesterday I was angry, and spewing profanity...ever since I have become pregnant, my husband's older sister has had an issue with me. She was in town this weekend....I went above and beyond to make her comfy at our home, I ran out an bought a really nice comforter in her favorite color, made sure we had fun filled days....speaking of which, we spent the 4th on the Washington Mall...b/c she DRUG us out there, mind you, I was JUST in the hospital...and I am suppose to stay WELL hydrated....and "take it easy". Well....my sister in-law could not "understand" that concept apparently. I told my hubby I was getting tired, and needed a break and she had the nerve to get an attitude; she then she goes into this rant (with my husband...I wasn't privy to this part of her bickering and that's a good thing, cause I would have done the "fool"_ that she didn't understand why I couldn't continue walking, she has "other" pregnant friends that walk for long amounts of time. Ok - first of all...I'm in damn good shape for a pregnant lady, or non-pregnant lady, I was running until month 5....so being able to hang doesn't have anything to do with it, it's more a case of getting our baby, and HER nephew here safe. You would think that someone her age...she's 38 would understand that, but no dice, I'm convinced that she is "jealous"...green with envy. You see, she's single, no kids, living in a big city....with no prospects that are worthy to speak of...my whole thing is, there are lots of very happy single non-DISGRUNTLED women out there, I was one...for a long time. Anyway, I don't get the jealously thing, I do not understand her anger, and I'm now at a point where I don't want to see or speak to her EVER again. I think too...that because her mom has been so excited about my being pregnant, it's also disturbing to her, we are having the first grandchild in her family.....has anyone experienced this before....what's a girl to do....jeez.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Monique

Do you guys think Monique is doing more damage than harm to black women...people? Many times Monique preaches that's it's ok to be obese, I understand her position in trying to uplift women who might otherwise have self esteem issues, but does her type of rectoric do more damage than good? The reality is obesity is a major problem for the the black community, both men and women, and as you know heart disease and cancer are directly related to obesity. So do you think she should change her message?

True Love

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same." Unknown

I'm back sort of, I feel much better, this morning I woke up with love on my mind. I spent a lot of time reading other blogs while I was sick, and so many of the blogs were about finding love, finding the right person. Hopefully this means something to someone this morning... please don't waste your time on men who make you "wonder", love is exact ladies. When you meet the right man, you'll never question and speculate on how he feels, you'll know at all times. You won't have to play the games, there will be no game...just love....period.

When you have been hurt and you start dating again, just remember to use the past as a learning database, but leave all the old bitterness behind, not all guys are bad, there are some good men out there....and also don't expect greatness if you are doing dirt on the side...karma is a bitch. Basically, when it's time to settle down, you have to stop your playing too if that's your thing, otherwise blessing will pass you right on up.