'He who has laughter on his side has no need of proof.' - Theodor Adorno.

Ye Olde Linoleum Shoppe

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Ms. CATHY MOORE'S HIGH FIBRE SODA BREAD

Ms. Cathy Moore often arrived into site lugging a soiled wool sock crammed with some unorthodox confection she had 'thrun together' the previous night. All the grand boys and girls on site got to try out her baking (whether they wanted to or not.) If you liked broken teeth and you couldn't get enough of humiliating bowel issues then you needed to look no further than Cathy's sock.
When first offered this recipe by the fair Cathy I demurred from publishing it but a broken bottle shoved up my snot soon sorted that one out.
Fine girl you are Cathy!

INGREDIENTS:

flour 5oz.

water 500ml

a box of caustic soda

a packet of Serutan (look that one up)

sawdust
one postman

mace (the spice)

mace (the mugger repellant)

mace (the weapon)

one shovel

gravel
a bottle of vodka

sugar hearts

a soupcon of vanilla

a hint of love

a bag of lime (optional)

METHOD:

Mix all the ingredients (reserving the mace weapon) in your bathtub. Allow to marinade for three years before beating into submission with the mace. Drink the bottle of vodka and have a fight with the postman. Place batter in a trough and transfer to a furnace (gas mark six.) Using shovel dig a hole to deal with all the bodies, use optional bag of lime to speed up process of decay.

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Hello

I am a descended from a long line of conga dancers. I occasionally wear shoes. I gave up going to the toilet twenty years ago - it's a filthy habit. I have a pet bunny called Mucky - he's a filthy rabbit.