Too much, too soon, too fast?

Writing an online dating profile – Too much information is a big turnoff

Sally Rand was the most famous fan dancer in the world.

She was the epitome of artful seduction and enticement. The provocative dancer appeared – briefly – on stage and deftly, slowly, swayed to classical music, hinting and flirting. She got big attention with strategic placement.

Sally Rand – her body of work – a parable

Rand was famous for her six-minute act. While bathed in blue light, the temptress stood on the stage, naked, seductively moving two seven-foot-long ostrich feathers in front of her body to the music of Debussy and Chopin. And the crowd went wild – needless to say. Leaving much to the imagination, she was irresistible and exciting. She said, “If you love living, you try to take care of the equipment.” She might have said, “Less is more,” which is the best advice for writing an online dating profile.

Rule #1. Your dating profile – keep it simple

Whether you are on your virgin voyage – writing your first online dating profile – or re-writing it for the tenth time, remember: Don’t tell all. Leave something up to the reader’s imagination. Coy and cute is far superior to cold, hard facts linked together like a shopping list. You may be very proud of your car, career, cats, kids, kayaking prowess, stamp collecting or church choir debut. Merely listing these attributes or accomplishments is dull times three.

And, yes, it’s great your kid just graduated from an Ivy League school – however, all that bragging about your offspring (a la Pimp My Kid) might just as well be mentioned later. Every day, there is a new parade of hopeful romantics who sign up for Match, JDate, and Perfect Match and Plenty of Fish – your goal: grab attention, quietly.

Rule #2. Don’t try this at home

Remember: Quirky isn’t cute; it’s been done and it’s a bore.The 2001 photograph of you dressed as a French maid or peeking over a fan may garner the wrong kind of attention. And, writing your profile – from your dog’s point of view – may have been funny for a sixth-grade assignment, but not at this juncture.

Valentine’s Day is a sugar rush for See’s Candy

and for Hallmark cards.

Florists are in seventh heaven with dozens of acres of red roses bought and sold this week.

What about the rest of us, sweetheart?

Remember: Valentine’s Day is about happy hearts, hugs, flirting, wearing all shades of red, pink and crimson. February 14th is the one day of the year we can “Blame it on Cupid” while we gather up courage to flirt early and flirt often.

Top 10 Ways to Get your mojo moving and in the mood for Valentine’s Day

Say ‘hi’ to that cutie you see every day

Smile at strangers

Send Valentines wishes (roses are red, violets are blue, meet me at…)

Invite a ‘hearty’ acquaintance to join you for a walk through the Presidio – and a drink at Presidio Social Club

Feeling like a Donder or a Blitzen?

Kick that habit – it’s time to have yourself a merry little Christmas and kick up your heels, Cupid.

PageLarkin’s Top 10 Ways to Get a Kick Out of the Christmas Holiday

1. Say ‘Merry Christmas’ to everyone. Bah, humbug to the PC ‘happy holiday’ malarkey. Go ahead, say Merry Christmas to the people on the bus, the doorman, the waitress, barista, the taxi driver the clerk, the MUNI driver, the people in the elevator and everyone! What goes around…

2. Wear red. It’s fun, it’s festive and red-quired. Come on, don your red apparel. Everyone should wear at least one red article of clothing. No Santa hats unless you are under 18. Donate the old 75% off, Christmas sweater you got at Mervyns, to the less fortunate. Go, Red!

3. MemorizeA Visit from St Nicholas by Clement C Moore and recite it at the drop of a hat. (Bring a hat wherever you go.)

4. Wear mistletoe. No kidding. Buy a sprig of mistletoe and pin it to your lapel or put it on your hat. Be kissed off and on. Yes, Virginia, you can download a picture of mistletoe. There are no rules. See Google images of the kissing tree.

7. Laugh and love the funniest, most engaging capella choir,Straight No Chaser . The hilariously talented group sings every Christmas favorite with a twist and a shout. For fun and free music see Pandora.

8. Surround Sound: FM stations are playing non-stop Christmas melodies and standards. Bring out the Bing and dream of a White Christmas.

Do not rest ye merry gentle people; sing, stroll, dance, prance, dream. Call the Scrooges the Grinches, the Donders, and the Blitzens and wish Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com. Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column- click the Subscribe button at the top of the

What really happens in Book Clubs?

Do you really think we talk about irony and plot?

Legions of women across America gather monthly, supposedly to discuss the finer points of irony, character development, and plot vs. protagonist. Fortified by gallons of Green tea and petite cookies, they tackle the Classics, bestsellers and the selections from the New York Times Review of Books. From the outside, it appears to be an intellectual diversion.

However, here is a dirty little secret: many book clubs are really a covert way to analyze, dissect, and discuss men. Very few clubs will admit to this nefarious charge. Many groups, thinly veiled as passionate about reading, are really all about an underlying desire to talk about men, husbands, boyfriends, lovers, dating, sex, and books on the same subject.

Revelations – Not Just a Book in the Bible

A well-known book group in the Marina district, formed 15 years ago, were devotees of Balzac, Joyce, Goethe, Keats, Flaubert, Yeats and Ibsen. In 2005 they stumbled upon, and raced through the Da Vinci Code – who didn’t? That was the beginning of the end. Once they tasted the sweet ambrosia of run-away bestsellers, all lofty goals to read great literature and share erudite observations were fini compleat.

En masse, they began to crave and seek out books of a lesser plot. Instant hedonists, they began to dabble in uncharted waters: and did a canon ball into the wide, wacky world of “Chick Lit.” In no time, the three very prolific and real queens of Chick Lit, Marian Keyes, Sophie Kinsella and Helen Fielding of Bridget Jones fame were elevated to the group’s Literary Royalty and Beach reading books became de rigueur. The once stuffy book group became literary libertines.

Tryst – Like We Did Last Summer

After a steady, frothy diet of light and airy books, the happy hedonists evolved. They began to research and write about steamy, sexy, destinations and the best places to conduct romantic interludes. They quickly nailed San Francisco, Maui, London, Paris, and New York City. San Francisco was nominated their Most Romantic City. The so-called book group’s next foray is a joint effort of co-authoring a risqué ‘bodice ripper’ They are not your mother’s book club or the Jane Austen book club. However, they are currently looking for a publisher. Stay tuned.

Here’s to the ladies who lunch

and bravo to the broads who tap out steamy fantasy for your secret reading enjoyment.

“Reading is a means of thinking with another person’s mind; it forces you to stretch your own.” Charles Scribner

The Top 10 Romantic Places

in San Francisco

Everyone knows the San Francisco is the consummate romantic Mecca and there are dozens of romantic places to buss/smooch/osculate and kiss

The Top 10? After much research ~ I can heartily attest:

1. The Top of the Stairs at Broadway and Lyon – the view, alone, will take your breath away. It’s a secret place, off the beaten track and and it inspires romance.

2. Under the Clock of the Ferry Building

The Golden Ghetto ~ on Saturday mornings ~ the sight of the famous Farmer’s Market. See the aubergine and tangerine, enjoy quaffing champagne, or sample at the Caviar Bar, select divine picnic items, revel in the sweet smells of butter, sugar and cinnamon wafting from the numerous bakeries, indulge in a Blue Bottle coffee…enjoy the towers of stunningly beautiful fresh flowers, and gaze at the Cowgirl Creamery cheeses…walk along the water …Everything is pretty darn seductive and suggestive. Can you say: An Affair to Remember?

3. The corner booth at The Grand Café (Geary and Taylor) It’s all about location, location, location. Sexy, seductive, alluring and private. Ambiance. Fabulous hors d’ oeuvres and great mixologists.images

4. The Make Out Room named appropriately, you don’t need another clue. Stimulating venues.

5. The Tonga Room At the Fairmont ~Nob Hill. Yum~ Drinks with tiny umbrellas – tropical atmosphere and It’s like the Tiki Room without the birds~ Nowhere else in San Francisco can you kiss in the rain forest.

6. Sweet – As you leave divine and sublime XOX truffles in North Beach- with a small box of San Francisco’s real “treat” ~The quality and richness of the 27 unforgettable tiny chocolate kisses – and yummy flavors are sure to entice~

7. Palace of Fine Arts San Francisco’s most majestic and remarkable shrine…originally created for the 1915 World’s Fair by the incredible visionary Bernard Maybeck …near the columns, under the statues of weeping women, at the lagoon or undulating grassy area.

8. Golden Gate Bridge, anytime of the day ~ must be midspan…even with the infamous summer fog and wind whipping about – The GGB is one of the City’s most romantic and frantic destinations.

10. The Conservatory of Flowers in Golden Gate Park the spun sugar palace, replica of Kew Gardens, is all good things: sultry- sexy and steamy. Bonus ~Beautiful flowers in abundance. A Must: Buss behind the begonias…

So, get on the buss~ Everyday is Valentine’s day in Romantic San Francisco~~~

“The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge, but imagination.” Albert Einstein

It’s a fact: women tend to be more glib and voluble.

Girls just want to have dialogue

For the time it takes to push your cart through the checkout at the grocery store, two women can share a succinct, lifetime of information.

A simple, “Love those shoes,” can launch a conversation covering shopping, kids, schools, sales, babysitters, therapists, recipes, divorce attorneys, events, and books. All this before checkout.

Dr Tom Lewis, the darling of San Francisco’s famed Fromm Institute, lecturer and co-author of the book, A General Theory of Love, said findings indicate women say 1000 more words, every day, than their male counterparts. We can talk about this, if you like.

The San Francisco 3-D Club

It started with three newly divorced women who were 50-ish, avid movie buffs who had coffee and dialogue once a week. Over the next few years, their numbers increased and a monthly dinner meeting replaced the coffee date. When the group hit 20 members – the membership doors closed. Though many knocked, wanted to join and would “pay anything to join” the eclectic, energetic group said, “No more girls allowed.”

Each quasi-clandestine meeting has an emcee, a film reviewer and a “Top 3-D List” compiled by the host. The “Top 3-D List” is made up of three things that are divine, decadent or benevolent. In addition to being film junkies, the group has altruistic bent and has quietly supported St. Anthony’s, OneBrick, Community Thrift and the Casa de las Madres, the Pachamama Alliance, and the Avon Breast Cancer walk.

While there are no dues and no don’ts, the group has a philosophy steering clear of the negative and emphasizing the positive. They are positively social and the Club has an unspoken, “Girlfriend, have I got a guy for you” component where sometimes members introduce their male friends and colleagues to other members.

“Fashions fade, style is eternal.”

Yves Saint Laurent

In a Wall Street Journal article she commented that San Franciscans all look that they are ready ‘to go camping.’ She said that City Girls were simply too casual – tromping about in hiking boots and shorts. Is there truth in all jest?

Take that off: it’s not Halloween and you’re not 15

Okay, so the Steve Urkel nerdy-look (fake, over-sized, glasses with plastic black frames, tight flood pants, plaid shirts and striped T-shirts, Beatle boots) is de rigueur for the teens and 20’s in San Francisco. Even GQ has a new stable of hipster wannabe teen models – wearing yellow shoes, “pegged” plaid plants and hats half-cocked.

Kids! You’ve got to love them- not dress like them.

Dress Your Own Age

Tiffany, 20-something, complains that her mother (49 and holding) dips into her closet and borrows her clothes- including her Uggs, Crocs, hoodies, and Jeggings. In an effort to stave off Father Time and Mother Nature, Mom tries to dress down a decade. Or two.

Not a Good Look-At your Age

Miniskirts, T-shirts and belly-button displays –those days are over, Binkie. Skin-tight tops, hip-hugging-for-life jeans, which don’t fit – sorry, Sally. That ship has sailed. The cold hard truth: a plus-sized body – or a mother pushing 50: back away from your daughter’s closet. Ms. Steel would agree.
If Nobody Will Tell You

Never ask a sales clerk, “Do these $200 jeans and this $300 top make me look young?” No salesclerk, on commission, is going to say, “Ma’am this is the Junior’s department, you should really be in the Mature or the Big Mama’s department, I’m just saying.”

When you’re 18, and a boy asks you to go to the beach, you grab your parent’s Pendleton blanket, dash out the door, and go to the beach. You are probably wearing jeans and a hooded sweatshirt.

In college, when a guy asks you to go to the beach, you pull the blanket off the bed in your dorm room and locate 2 cans of Budweiser beer. You’re probably wearing a sweatshirt with your school logo and jeans.

In your 20s, when a man asks you to the beach, you grab a tattered quilt from a roommate’s closet, you grab a bottle of Mountain Red, a wedge of brie, a loaf of French bread, two glasses, paper napkins, and your Swiss Army knife. You’re probably wearing an embroidered peasant blouse, your sweatshirt from college and jeans.

In your 30s, when a friend asks you to the beach, you get your Pendleton blanket, your Swiss Army knife, a decent bottle of Pinot Noir, a small, inspired meal including: a green salad, French lentils, two kinds of cheese, grapes, both crackers and a baguette, cloth napkins, truffle brownies, and you place everything in a well appointed picnic hamper. You are most likely wearing a pair of designer jeans, a T-shirt, a hoodie and a leather jacket.

In your 50s,when a man asks you to the beach, you get your Pendleton blanket, you find the sunscreen, your hat, your sunglasses, get a cashmere wrap to go over your cashmere hoodie, pull a great bottle of Copain Pinot Noir from your wine stash, throw together a picnic including an impressive triple cream, imported fig jam, a loaf of that great Acme bread, some of the fabulous Swiss chard with garlic and potatoes and the balsamic vinegar reduction you threw together, melon slices and grapes, two lemon tarts and your Swiss Army knife.

You easily locate the small serving platters, cloth napkins, a tablecloth, two Reidel glasses.

You pluck a rose from your garden and locate that little vase to put it in. Everything fits in the lovely, antique picnic hamper you have had forever. You put the cat out, turn the answering machine on, find that old, worn and comfy sweatshirt from college, slip into your faded pair of jeans and drive over to pick him up.