Who should pay the bill?

Every week Cosmopolitan.co.uk's very own Venus & Mars give their take on the most talked about love, sex and relationships stories. See where the his 'n' hers views clash, collide and occasionally complement each other

Steve Jones and Hayden Panettiere were seen good naturedly tussling over who should pick up the cheque. But who should pay?

MARS

For one beautiful moment I actually thought Steve Jones was telling Hayden Panettiere to cough up. He's one of the few guys who could probably get away with it. "Go on, love, you're in that Heroes off the telly. See what you've got in your purse."

Back in the real world, you've got to be incredibly tight, incredibly thick skinned or incredibly poor to let her pay. It somehow sullies the whole experience.

There was a time when it happened to me quite a lot as my ex was 'in food'. The first time she picked up the bill was ok. That came under the heading of 'treat.' I gratefully accepted it, felt all warm and cosy and resisted ordering the most expensive pud. But the next time and the time after that - though still lovely - became more and more discombobulating.

It's the uneasy situation of being in their hands. Letting her pay the bill is the dining equivalent of losing control of the TV remotes. It's like suddenly you're not captain of the ship. The menus go straight to her, the waiter goes straight to her. You're just an observer, a stooge. A very well fed stooge, I'll grant you, but a stooge all the same.

Knowing from the off that you're going to pay the bill yourself gives you a feeling of security. You're at the wheel and you know how this journey's going to end. Better still, it's a get out of jail free card. You choose a rubbish wine or recommend a lousy starter - it's a shame but she's hardly going to bitch about it. You're paying.

The only thing that's a cause for concern after that is the tip. You may have shown yourself to be an all round good guy laying out for the food and wine but bad tipping is where you can really show your arse. Tip too big and you appear foolishly flash (what are you, a city banker?) tip too small and she may start wondering what else you like to skimp on.

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Of course reports that it was Hayden who eventually picked up the bill after their little love tussle - "no, I'll pay!" "no, I'll pay!" - don't in any way reflect poorly on the Jones. They're just confirmation once again that he lives on a whole different planet to us. And that clearly Hayden knew what she wanted for afters.

VENUS

Given that money is one of the biggest catalysts for rows and break-ups, the bill splitting dilemma can be a useful little test in the early stages of your relationship.

Technically speaking, if he was the one who asked you out in the first place and he chose the venue, the bill is in his court. But we're not talking about a business transaction here, we're talking about a date. So, it hardly seems fair that he should be financially penalised for being man enough to make the first move.

Of course the fairest solution is to offer to go Dutch. If he insists on paying - or he's insisted on ordering the most expensive things on the menu despite your protestations - even Dutch might be too much. In that case you can always offer to pay for the wine or the dessert, or take him for a post-dinner cocktail.

If he still insists on paying for everything, this probably means one of two things:

a) He is absolutely loaded, in which case make sure you don't let him out of your grasp until a second date has been secured (but only after you've dropped a few hints about that new Gordon Ramsay place that you've heard is simply divine).

b) He is trying to get you into bed, in which case you should either tell him to take a hike or drag out the evening for as long as you can ("Oh, look they've got Crystal. There's something about Crystal that makes me so excitable. Must be all those bubbles."), then tell him to take a hike... or not, as the case may be.

Then, of course, there's "I seem to have forgotten my wallet/don't get paid until tomorrow/will shout you next time, I promise" man.

"It can't get worse than that can it?" I said to my best mate, Lucy, last night while we were splitting the dinner bill. "He's even worse than Flashing It Around Man and Buying Your Affection Man."

"Oh yes, it can," she said. "You clearly haven't met Calculator Man." Lucy had thought her first date with Sam* was going swimmingly until the bill arrived and he whipped out his calculator to work out exactly how much each person owed (apparently, Lucy owed 47p more). You don't need a calculator to do the maths on that one: Lucy, of course, never saw him again.

So Mars, if you want to score a second date, it would seem going Dutch is the answer. Just not that Dutch.

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