My very own food journal. I guess this will be a food and drink consumption journal rather. I am not sure if this will a traditional one, however. It will most likely also contain views on diet, exercise, and weight.

Monday, October 27, 2014

My biggest fears

I have a confession to make: I fear failure. Every time I consume healthy food I wonder if that would be healthy. In short, did I consume enough fruits or enough vegetables or whole grains? The truth is, I don't eat enough fruits during the day. I don't add vegetables to every meal. Whole grains are just hard to come by because I buy them, yet I don't eat them. I have learned a valuable lesson about my food intake. I struggle with the same thing over and over and over again. The truth is, I have made little to no progress. That is where the poor choices come in. I consume preserves, turkey bacon, and honey wheat toast. Sure, it was good, but was it healthy? That is the real question. I have another issue and that is portion control. I don't eat in moderation and everyday is a lesson learned.

I am just struggling with losing weight period so not only am I struggling with my food intake, I am also struggling with diet and exercise. This was because I lack motivation and wisdom. I am not wise when it comes to the problems that I have. I am overweight and diabetic. I also have low self-esteem, which could either work for me or against me. What I really need is guidance and a sense of self-worth. I also need a sense of direction, which is the root of my food issues. I love food too much and now, I realize that food no longer loves me.

It is as if I am losing weight for the wrong reasons. I have all of the reasons in the world to lose weight and get healthy. Sadly I had no motivation. Saturday was a wake up call. I cannot live life the way that I have been living. I will not give myself a pep talk, nor will I whine about my issues and end up procrastinating. Sadly, that is all I do. What I want is a change in mindset. What I don't want is to live in a continuous cycle of poor eating habits, no exercise, and low self-esteem. Those are the issues that I have to deal with for I have made little progress. All I want is to make progress, but I don't know where to begin.