Tag Archives: murasaki shikibu

I like weekends, I get to slack off and procrastinate. During the week I have to do a lot, I have to work, I don’t have any time to watch interviews of Tavi Gevinson or Lauren Graham. My life consists of homework, eating, reading, studying, and talking. On the weekends I forget about my slipping grades and the rest of the troubles in the world. The weekends are my void in which lie cupcakes, David Bowie, notebooks, my macbook pro, the Lizzie Bennet Diaries, Gilmore Girls, my kindle, and the Tale of Genji. Though I have weekend homework, and studying hanging over my head I still feel the need to unwind. I do so much and I rarely have a spare moment monday through friday. I know that if I just write randomly into my notebook, the rest of the week will be a clean slate that I can fill up with school, my education, and my goals.

That was exactly what I did this weekend when I simply wrote. It started last night at about ten thirty after coming home from seeing Enough Said, a new movie in the theaters. I had Video Games by Lana Del Rey stuck in my head. I wrote down the lyrics in my notebook and started just writing. I wrote what I felt at the time and though most of it doesn’t make sense feelings don’t make sense.

Here It Is : My Weekend Unwind

Whatever I can do, I’ll do for you. This fictional character that’s you. Make me a dream and keep it locked up in your heart. People think I’m kind of odd. They are so odd too. But they don’t know me. You are just a dream. Tell my heart, you are the thing that fills the void. You are what I yearn to have. -Real and True- Because sometimes goals are not enough. Sometimes I need people too. You can’t see me anymore, till that’s through. But I need dreams, dreams are the life that rule my head. -They’re my path- I have a hunger worse than you to achieve what I need to. I need to try, try, try till it’s true. But what’ll I do next? There are no instructions form my life. I need to figure it all out. I don’t know, I don’t know. The world is there, second hand, but what is it? What is the whole, real world? What, why, who? Do we know? Why, who, what? I don’t know. What does it make? What is the so-called world? Cause it’s not about science, it’s a social thing. What is the so-called world? What is the so-called world? I know that this is perfect… I know what we have is good. Even the cruel things and actions make art and teach lessons. Which is good. We learn, we know… It’s magic, it’s strange, this mystery world. What will happen in the future? What is this? But no more questions, just simple, simple magic and a go with the flow feel. Why, why, why, why, why. We should just feel not question. Nothing makes sense. We should just work with what we have. Everything is uncertain, but we all must do this… We all must go on a strange questioning journey. Why do we lie, we should just feel ourselves. But we have things we need to do ON OUR OWN. Not controlling the world, but being me. Being in my own body, not being anyone else. I can’t just walk into somebody else’s life. I’m here, I have to be here. No more looking up on google “How to be Rory Gilmore” I’m not Rory Gilmore, neither am I Tavi Gevinson. I’m Helen. Me… Whatever I do is me, not a sitcom and this is me.