50 SHADES OF BLUE

Selflessness - Where you at?

I cannot say that I was taught to be selfless, but it is all I have ever known. I grew up watching my mother and father break their backs for their family. They loved my brother and I, stimulated us mentally and were affectionate every chance they had…even when we thought they were being annoying. It is only natural for me to be the way I am. This weekend I was fortunate enough to have my aura read. “Your aura, Mel - It’s bright blue.” I took the time to do some research about auras and the colors they exude and I was dumbfounded at my findings.

“Blues, the anchor color in the emotion group, are nurturing, loving, compassionate, giving, and expressive.”

“They want to love and take care of others, and if they are not careful people may take advantage of their loving nature.”

“They will put the needs of others ahead of their own and measure success by the number of people they can please in public settings.”

After having had a million conversations about life with my gal friends over endless glasses of Malbec, I picked my jaw up from the floor as I came to some conclusions. One of them being: SHIT. BLUE AURA? THAT’S REALLY ME. And because I embody every facet of selfless love, people are going to take advantage of me. I can try to filter the people in my life and edit my behaviors, but this is always going to be me. I’m always going to give all of myself, and sometimes I won’t be received by people who value what I am offering.

Us blue auras are plagued by The Selfish. I capitalize it as if it is a proper noun because I see them as a species of people - or my favorite term coined by a close friend, shit human beings. The Selfish are special in that they deem it proper to take without giving. Whether they hoard material items or the love and souls of others, they take and take and never are fulfilled. In my observations, The Selfish are bred out of deprivation. I grew up in a home where I wasn’t limited in love. The Selfish unfortunately don’t know any better. In many failed attempts to try and “fix” a few of them, I learned that you can’t teach someone how to love. A person that doesn’t love themselves won’t know how to love another. Having to let go of people I care about because they didn’t know how to love has been extremely trying on me. Tough pills to swallow.

I’d be lying if I said I will no longer care for the people who have no regard for me. I will always care. There are no past tenses in my heart. If I loved you, I will always love you. I’m learning to accept it while finding a healthy balance. Loving shouldn’t mean contorting myself into shapes that don’t fit with certain people. It shouldn’t mean having to accept misery or disrespect in any relationship. Love should shine bright. As bright as my blue light.

This is an ode to my aura. As I continue to radiate what I hope to be beautiful shades of cobalt and indigo, another lesson learned, another lesson shared. Glow on.