(Closed) Going cray cray and trying so hard not to!! UGH.

I’ve posted before and if you want the background you can read my previous post here. As a reminder, this post is about my girlfriend and I so please be nice 🙂

Over Christmas, my GF and I went to her parent’s houses for my second Christmas with them. She is older and more traditional so she hasn’t bothered to come out to her parents. She’s never seen the point of hurting them, they’re from a different generation, blah blah.

But. This Christmas her parents and step parents seemed to go out of their way to welcome me. They also said things that subtly let her and I know that they understood we were together and approved – even though nothing was ever said.

The entire trip and even the day after we got back, all I keep hearing about is how maybe next year we should go up to her parents early so that we can spend Christmas as a family. She keeps refering to me and our dog as her family – how she has to protect us and spoil us, provide for us, etc.

And. everytime she refers to our relationship situation, like calling me her girlfriend, or that we’re dating she always follows with some sort of qualifier, like “maybe someday you’ll be something more” or “for now.”

SHE’S GONNA MAKE ME POOP! I’m trying so hard to just keep my mouth shut and be a good waiting bee, but how can I not go crazy when she’s constantly bringing up the possiblility of us getting engaged, future plans, etc.?

Sorry. I guess I just need an outlet to squeel/ vent like the little girl inside of me. Anybody else feeling tortured like me!?!?

@sellison27: Good luck with everything! I couldn’t tell from your post whether her not being officially out to her family is a hindrance to you two becoming engaged… If so, then hopefully with your support she’ll be able to work up the courage to have an open conversation with them! It sounds like they already suspect, but I know sometimes having everything out in the open can still change family dynamics.

Whether or not that’s an issue, it sounds like marriage is on her mind! Have you two had a “timeline” conversation? Even if it’s not as official as a timeline conversation, I’m a huge advocate of having an open conversation to make sure that you guys want the same things within roughly the same timeframe. That might also make you feel better about waiting, if you know that she knows what your expectations are! In the meantime, don’t think about it too much and don’t let yourself go crazy! It will happen in time, it sounds like she’s thinking along the same lines, and just enjoy this time and embrace the anticipation! Good luck 🙂

We have sort of had a timeline conversation – I’ve basically told her that if we’re not engaged by 2.5 years, we’re going to need to sit down and have a conversation. I don’t believe in ultimatums, or losing something so special over something mostly trivial, so she knows it will only be a discussion about how serious she is, where she thinks it’s going, etc. . .

And, her coming out to her parents isn’t a huge hindrance. Neither of us had terribly wonderful parents, so our relationships with our parents are mostly so that we won’t feel guilty once they pass. Whether or not they know everything about us isn’t terribly important, but it is nice. And she’s mentioned maybe having to sit her mom down and have a conversation with her eventually. Which is another thing that makes me want to squeel. It’s a big step for her to even say that.

So, I know that I’m less than a year away from either a ring or a conversation. And most of me expected it toward the tail end of my timeline. But she keeps acting stranger and stranger and I can’t help but get stupid excited that it may be coming sooner. . . . For example, New Years seems to be brought up several times a day, and yet we have no definite plans. It’s strange.

@sellison27: Could be soon, then! Welcome to waiting… I am going nuts right now, too, my SO and I spoke about a timeline and it could happen anytime now… So probably not for at least another six or nine months, but possibly sooner. It’s that possibility that is keeping me on pins and needles, I’m over-analyzing everything! I love having these boards as an outlet, people in real life don’t understand this type of distraction! Hopefully you’ll get the support you need on here as well! I guess my only advice is not to stop enjoying things even if they don’t lead to a proposal! It’s easy to be disappointed when fun dates and big events go by without a proposal and completely miss out on those experiences in the meantime.

@wrkbrk: She has not. She has taken me home the past two Christmas’ and we’ve slept in the same bed and her family acts like they know. She is going to tell them, but she is still terrified that if she actually says it out loud she will upset her parents. Her nephew’s wedding is in June, so her plan is probably going to be to tell them soon – like no later than mid may – or to wait until the wedding is over. She doesn’t want there to be any conflict taking away from her nephew’s big day.

@wrkbrk: Yeah. As soon as I knew I told my mom. She wasn’t too thrilled at first, but it’s actually brought us closer. I think FI envies it a little, and has always wanted that for herself (like so many other things) but never thought it was a possibility for her. It’s sad to hear stories from people in her generation about what it used to be like. Like, once it was winter and her girlfriend at the time tried to grab her arm because she was cold and my FI actually physically pushed her arm away and said. “what do you think you’re doing?” I can’t believe it used to be that cold and scary. Holding hands with me in public was very new territory for her when we started dating. . .

@sellison27: Hopefully it goes over well with her parents. Before SO and I got together, I had only dated women. My mom was initially shocked, but she adjusted well to it. My first gf never told her Mom ever though I’m pretty sure she knew. I found it tough with her denying it to her, but we weren’t very serious.

Coming out can be tough, especially if she’s older and never brought it up. Sounds like her parents already know and welcome you, so it should be good.