Breaking up is a part of most relationships. High school is a time when people grow and change, and break ups are often a fact of life. Breaking up with your high school girlfriend can be difficult and sad, but there are ways to make it easier.

Steps

Part 1

Planning Your Approach

1

Think about why you are breaking up with her. Do you feel like you two have nothing in common anymore? Does she do things that make you angry? Are you going off to college and want to stop before the relationship becomes a long-distance one? This should not be a decision you make quickly or in anger. Think carefully about your reasons for wanting to break up with your girlfriend. Explore your feelings and ask yourself if you have good reasons, or if they are issues that you could resolve by talking to her.[1]

If you’re angry after a fight, take time to think about whether you want to break up or if you’re just angry in the moment.

If you are jealous of her relationship with her friends, talk to her about that rather than just breaking up over it.

If she is abusive, end the relationship. Verbal and physical abuse is a dealbreaker.

2

Practice what you are going to say. When you break up with a person, they want to know why. Be ready with answers for her. Be honest but kind.
[2]

"I’m sorry, I’m heading off for the army and I need to focus on that and not on our relationship. I am going to be so busy there won’t be any time for a relationship”

"I’ve had a great time with you, but I think we’ve both changed and aren’t the same people we were when we got together. We don’t seem to have anything in common anymore.”

"I’ve really tried to give this a go, but I don’t want to go out with you anymore. I feel like you’re not interested in me. That makes me sad. I’ve tried to talk to you about it, but it seems like you don’t want to resolve it.”

3

Figure out how to respond to her. Think about her responses -- sad, angry, silent -- and how you are going to deal with them. Do you want to comfort her, or just deliver the message and leave? Keep in mind that these interactions often don’t go as planned, so be ready to improvise. They are always challenging and difficult, but try to be kind and sympathetic to her feelings.
[3]

"I’m sorry you’re so sad. I just don’t think this is right for either of us. I know you’ll find someone much better than I am for you.”

"Look, I understand that you’re angry, but I don’t want to fight. I am going to walk away and we can talk about this later.”

"I know I’ve made you really upset. I’m sorry. If you want to talk about it sometime later, please let me know.”

Part 2

Breaking Up

1

Find a private time and place to do it. Don't break up with her in the hallway with everybody around. Choose a time that isn’t during the school day. Think about doing it outside, maybe taking a walk. That way you don’t have to look at each other -- sometimes that helps with a really emotional conversation.[4]

2

Do it in person. Don't do it through Facebook, texts, over the phone, etc. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Even if you’re worried about how it’s going to go, you need to be brave and do it face-to-face. Doing it through texts or Facebook may feel a lot better to you, but it certainly won’t to her. If you want to have any kind of friendship with her in the future, do the right thing and do it in person.[5]

3

Talk about the positives with the negatives. For this difficult conversation, you might want to start by letting her know that you have something important you need to say. She will probably have some idea that it’s about breaking up.
[6]

Start by saying something nice about her. “I need to talk to you, but I wanted to let you know I’ve always thought you’re such a kind person.” Or “Whatever happens between the two of us, I wanted to tell you that you are a great singer and I hope you continue with music.”

Tell her why the relationship is not working for you. “I don’t think we share interests any more” or “I’m having a lot of trouble with my parents’ divorce right now, and I need to focus on dealing with my anger, not being in a relationship.”

Explain that you want to break up. You need to say this explicitly so she knows that this isn’t a conversation about trying to make your relationship better. “I am breaking up with you -- I’m sorry.” You could also tell her -- “I need to break this relationship off. I’m not ready to be so serious with you.”

Be comforting and say something nice about her. “You are such a beautiful person, you are going to find someone who can give you the kind of relationship you want.” You could also say, “You deserve someone smart and ready to be in the kind of committed relationship you deserve.”

4

Listen to her. It might be that she is feeling the same way you are. Chances are, however, that she has different ideas about the relationship. She might want to try and continue it, and then it will be up to you to decide if you want to try and work on it or go through with the breakup as planned.

5

Be ready to feel emotional. Even if it goes as you planned, you’re probably going to feel emotionally fragile when it’s over. Breaking up is difficult in any situation, because you’re typically going to be making the other person feel bad. Take some time to yourself to think things over after you have talked to your ex-girlfriend.

Part 3

Working Through the Break Up

1

Don’t jump right back into dating. Even though it might seem like a good idea to get back out there and find someone new, it’s usually a poor idea. You’re not at your emotional best, and you should take a few weeks to think through what you want to do going forward.
[7]

2

Reach out to your friends. Sometimes hanging out with your friends is the best way to move forward. They were with you through the relationship and will be there to support you now. Plan fun activities to keep you occupied and less likely to dwell on your romantic situation. If you want to discuss the break up with your friends, that’s fine, but don’t keep bringing it up -- you need to move on and your friends probably aren’t excited to hear about it over and over.

3

Don’t contact your ex-girlfriend. Even if she wants to be in touch, you need a period where you two are not communicating so that the relationship can end and you can both adjust to the new reality. You might be able to communicate as friends in a few months, but don’t seek her out. If she contacts you, explain that you need time and don’t want to be in contact just yet.
[8]

4

Be nice to your ex-girlfriend. When you see her around, be friendly. Even if she ignores you or yells, it’s better for you to be mature and treat her respectfully.