Posts Tagged zombies

Some people call Easter Sunday Zombie Jesus Day, and I’ve just recently spent a fair bit of time editing footage of a song about zombies, so it seemed natural to write this parody of Jonathan Coulton’s Re: Your Brains about Jesus. In this song, Jesus, omniscient yet somehow clueless, talks to [the cadaver of] someone who was crucified along with him.

Bless you, man, it’s Jesus,
from the cross just over there.
Good to see you buddy, how’ve you been?
Things have been okay for me; I’ve come back as a zombie now.
I really wish you could’ve seen.

I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
how it can be bothersome to be hung up by your hands.
But not all dead must die — I’ve got friends in high places.
All you’ve got to do is leave your grave.
it’s not unreasonable;
you can’t always acquiesce to things.
All you’ve got to do is leave your grave.
You’ve got eternal life; don’t just spend it festering.
You just open up the tomb,
shed your doom and gloom
and leave your grave.

I don’t want to nitpick, Man, but is this really your plan?
Spend your death spoilt rotten underground?
Maybe that’s okay for now, but someday there’ll be worms inside your butt
and you’ll have to come around.
I’m not surprised to see you act like you don’t have a prayer.
You always played the victim with that heavy cross to bear,
but we’ve all been crucified, and I will bring the light to you.

All you’ve got to do is leave your grave.
it’s not unreasonable;
you can’t always acquiesce to things.
All you’ve got to do is leave your grave.
You’ve got eternal life; don’t just spend it festering.
You just open up the tomb,
shed your doom and gloom
and leave your grave.

I’d like to help you, Man, in any way I can.
You know I help the ones who help themselves, believe me
I’m no Messiah though, well, technically I am.
I guess I am.

Got to get ascending now, think I’ll pass on passing on.
I’ve got too much to do to rest in peace
Then I’ll put a word in to my father who’s been with you all along.
I’m sure he’ll help with your decease.
I’m glad to see you take my death and life advice so well
Thank you for not whining; helping others feels so swell
and I’m sure you’ll conquer death
when you take a breath; try it!

All you’ve got to do is leave your grave.
it’s not unreasonable;
you can’t always acquiesce to things.
All you’ve got to do is leave your grave.
You’ve got eternal life; don’t just spend it festering.
You just open up the tomb,
shed your doom and gloom
and leave your grave.

∎

I’m not sure if this is Jesus being a total son-of-a-self to a guy who is literally dead, by not acknowledging the son-of-God privilege that makes his resurrection possible, or whether He’s actually encouraging everyone to make friends with His dad and gain eternal life. Interpret it whichever way you prefer. In any case, this is dedicated to anyone who’s been told to just get out of bed and smile/pray their way out of depression, chronic illness, poverty, etc.

I’m not sure I’m 100% happy with these lyrics yet; I probably stick needlessly close to the original lyrics in places, when I could have been cramming in additional puns. I have a few alternate possibilities, but these are the words I like best right as it turns Sunday in my time zone.

Here’s the aforementioned footage of the original song, as performed in Loreto, Mexico as part of JoCo Cruise:

Also, Joey recorded another ukulele song in response to my last post! Here it is:

In response, I wrote the following:

Who is this cool person called joeym
who responds to my post with a poem
and then adds on a singing addendum?
If I hadn’t already, I’d friend’im!

Tune in next post for the next exciting instalment of ‘Angela and Joey have conversations via poems and ukulele songs’!

Another head exploded,
brethren slow-dead taken.
If you bravely try to save me
you must be mistaken.
‘Cause you see, it’s not me,
it’s just my dead body;
in your head, in your head
is my breakfast.
Glial cells, and neurons,
and neurons, but not eyes.
In your head, in your head, that’s my checklist.

In your head
In your head
Braaaains braaaains braa-aaa-aains…
What’s in your head?
In your head?
Braaaains braaaains braa-aaa-aa-aaa-aaa-nom
You too to voodoo. You too to voodoo. You too to voodoo. You too to voodoo.

Ex-human new one’s breaking
heart is taken over.
And the bravest try to save it;
they must be mistaken.
We have changed recipe
since voodoo in Haiti:
in your head, in your head
is now breakfast.
Glial cells, and neurons,
and neurons, but not eyes.
In your head, in your head, you’ll be feckless.

[a choreographed sequence of brain-eating and general zombie disintegration follows, with a loud, rhythmic banging from the other side of the door as a would-be saviour tries to break in and save any remaining humans. There is some hesitation after the door-banger manages to get in, as they recognise some of the zombies as former friends. The five quick drum beats are the end are gunshots as the door-banger finally shoots the zombies… in their heads. The final thud is the gunner hitting the floor, killed by too many zombies and too much bravado.]

And because I had the album ‘No Need To Argue’ on cassette tape, and therefore always listened to it in order, I couldn’t help getting the next song, ‘Empty‘ in my head once I finished ‘Zombie’. So here is the next track on The Zomberries’ ‘No Need To Argh, You!’ called ‘Tasty’.

[We start with somebody repeatedly moving their hands to their destroyed head and looking at them in dismay, trying to understand what has happened. After 51 seconds of poignant contemplation, they begin singing to their intact friend.]

Something has left my head and I don’t know where it went to… aah! Aah! Oww!
Somebody’s made me dead and it’s not when I was meant to.

Don’t you see me, don’t you hear me?
Don’t you see me standing here, ahh! Aaahh! Aarrghh!
Why did you get out that gun?
Don’t you know that I’m still in here?

Say a prayer for me;
move my soul on from this zombie.
My identity,
has it been taken?
Why are you shaking?

[These repetitions are sung during an encephalophagous ballet sequence, with the protagonist dancing around the victim, elegantly reaching in to grab handfuls of brain in time with the music, imparting angular momentum to the victim in doing so, such that the victim spins while slowly losing strength and crumpling to the floor. A beautiful, symmetrical pattern of blood spatter forms around the spinning victim. Later scholars will hypothesise that the spinning of the victim represents their literal ‘turning’ to zomebieism, but that idea is a load of brainslop.]

If my inner jukebox is accurate, the next track on the album is ‘Everything is dead‘, but we’ll leave that for another day.

Six things in progress, and this is the one I finish? It was about time I posted something, though. Back in the 90s, when people found out about music by listening to the radio, I was pretty obsessed with The Cranberries. When I got onto the internet, I joined fan mailing lists and found out about all their obscure songs. One of my first web pages, which I think is still up, for posterity, was a trading page listing my somewhat-rare singles. I still like the band, and followed what its members did after it split up. I’ve even seen Dolores O’Riordan live once and The Cranberries live a few times, since they were kind enough to get back together after I moved to Europe and started going to concerts. But as mp3s became more prevalent and easier to download and play, the zombiesongsIwasexposedto were rather different. So I thought The Cranberries’ biggest hit needed to be brought closer to current zombie song canon.

Edit: I forgot to mention, I’m in this awesome geek girl video by The Doubleclicks!