Personally, I would hold off on the colour. I think that could be seen as petty towards your sister.

As for the cut, I might go a little less drastic than I was planning (maybe halfway between existing and what you are aiming for?) and then go the whole way when I went back for the colour after the wedding.

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After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice: If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.

I would wait until after the wedding. If this was a style you already had, and she was asking/telling you to change it, then I'd say she can suck it up. However, she's only asking you to hold off on getting your hair cut/colored that way.

The thing with unusual hair colors is that they can turn out rather more vivid than you anticipated. My hair has been every color under the sun over the years. I had black hair with purple streaks for a while in my early 20s. Depending on the color I was wearing, and how the light in a room (or outdoors) was, it would turn into an almost purple halo around my head from the light reflecting off that color. Unnatural shades of red will do the same thing. I dyed my hair recently to what was supposed to be a subtle, natural auburn. It is flaming cranberry red in the sun, and a slightly more subtle brilliant red indoors. If I wear green or blue, the color is even more obvious.

Another thing to keep in mind is that colors like that can and will bleed. If you dye your hair a few days before the wedding, and you get sweaty during the wedding, and have on a light colored dress, you could end up with purple stains on your dress. Purple is also a very difficult color to keep. It fades fast, so you do have to dye it more frequently, so chances are your dye will still be fresh during the wedding.

Good point.

If the wedding is soon, I'd wait. If it's next year, I say go for it.

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If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,Five things observe with care,To whom you speak,Of whom you speak,And how, and when, and where.Caroline Lake Ingalls

I would get the cut and if the wedding is fairly close to my birthday, I'd probably wait to color it. But I'd also talk to my sister and discuss with her the negative aspects of what she said to you.

1) She doesn't get to dictate what you do with your hair just because it is her wedding. She can either take you for a bridesmaid as you are or leave you out. You holding off on the color is a courtesy you are extending to her, and in no way something she is entitled to.

2) It was hurtful for her to imply that your appearance is more important to her in having you stand up for her than the relationship the two of you share.

The reasons why I'm thinking you should extend the courtesy - well it seems like you've already had tension over other aspects of the wedding planning. Even if it isn't true, it would be bad if people got the impression that you were being difficult, something this particular instance is likely to encourage because people can be really dismissive about conflicts over hair and appearance "Oh it's just hair! Let her have her day!" or "Purple? You want wear purple hair to your sister's wedding?" or "Why are you trying to steal attention away from your sister?"

Basically, this is one of those situations where you may very well be right in the abstract, but you'll likely be the one to take a hit in reality. In this situation, I'd rather know I'm right in my head, but let it go and have others see me as gracious, rather than dig in my heels and have others think I'm just causing trouble.

If you are one of those people who always has out-there hair in funky colors, then its simply who you are, and your sister shoudl have anticipated it or spoken to you in advance (something like "hey sis I know you generally have crazy hair colors, but would you mind for the wedding having something more natural please?"). But if this is the first time you have gone 'wild' with your hair, and its a totally out of the ordinary thing for you to decide to do, I think your sister has a point. I mean what "milestone" are you reaching - 30? 40? To me that's only even a mini-milestone. To suddenly decide 1 month before your sister's wedding to dye your hair purple for the first time in your life comes across as you wanting to steal the spotlight, not as all as a birthday thing for yourself.

If you are one of those people who always has out-there hair in funky colors, then its simply who you are, and your sister shoudl have anticipated it or spoken to you in advance (something like "hey sis I know you generally have crazy hair colors, but would you mind for the wedding having something more natural please?"). But if this is the first time you have gone 'wild' with your hair, and its a totally out of the ordinary thing for you to decide to do, I think your sister has a point. I mean what "milestone" are you reaching - 30? 40? To me that's only even a mini-milestone. To suddenly decide 1 month before your sister's wedding to dye your hair purple for the first time in your life comes across as you wanting to steal the spotlight, not as all as a birthday thing for yourself.

I agree with this.

I have to say, I would be a little irritated if one of my bridesmaids, who has always had nice, conservative hair, suddenly got a funky purple hairstyle right before my wedding. It's not that I don't love her or value her for who she is - but it comes across as strange and attention seeking.

And if my bridesmaid regularly had funky hair, I would have already taken that into account and planned for it by making sure her dress color and cut wouldn't clash with the hairstyle.

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"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

I really can't see how purple hair would steal the attention away from a bride at her own wedding. It's really just...not that outlandish? Family and friends are there to see the bride and groom get married, and it will be fairly obvious whose day it is no matter the colour of the OP's hair. Maybe if she planned some crazy, huge beehive style in 12 different colours with crystal hairpins sticking out everywhere, I could see it, but just purple? Nah.

I really can't see how purple hair would steal the attention away from a bride at her own wedding. It's really just...not that outlandish? Family and friends are there to see the bride and groom get married, and it will be fairly obvious whose day it is no matter the colour of the OP's hair. Maybe if she planned some crazy, huge beehive style in 12 different colours with crystal hairpins sticking out everywhere, I could see it, but just purple? Nah.

I think it depend on the family/social group. It also depends on how big a change it is from the previous look.

I really can't see how purple hair would steal the attention away from a bride at her own wedding. It's really just...not that outlandish? Family and friends are there to see the bride and groom get married, and it will be fairly obvious whose day it is no matter the colour of the OP's hair. Maybe if she planned some crazy, huge beehive style in 12 different colours with crystal hairpins sticking out everywhere, I could see it, but just purple? Nah.

I think it depend on the family/social group. It also depends on how big a change it is from the previous look.

Exactly. After all the purple hair is not happening in a vacuum. Its on a particular person.If the person with the purple hair often has colorful hair, or funky hair styles, or even just funky clothing or make-up styles, no biggie, that's what the person looks like; everyone is used to them being colorful and/or funky. But if the purple hair is a sudden change after 30 previous years of modest, conservative hair in a natural color its not just purple hair, its a radical change. And any radical change is going to be noticed. Something like being in an accident and having a full leg cast - ok the person cant help that radical change, so while it might garner much attention its not going to be seen as 'attention stealing' behavior. But a radical change by choice is a different story.

I really can't see how purple hair would steal the attention away from a bride at her own wedding. It's really just...not that outlandish? Family and friends are there to see the bride and groom get married, and it will be fairly obvious whose day it is no matter the colour of the OP's hair. Maybe if she planned some crazy, huge beehive style in 12 different colours with crystal hairpins sticking out everywhere, I could see it, but just purple? Nah.

My DD has beautiful, almost waist-length, chocolate colored hair. When she was in middle school she wanted to dye the bottom six inches of her hair blue. So, we spent an afternoon bleaching and dying her hair and it turned out pretty cool looking. Oh my goodness, the reaction from the rest of the family was over the top. You'd have thought I'd taken my twelve-year-old to the tattoo parlor for a whole body tattoo. It was pretty funny. But unnaturally colored hair just doesn't happen in my family much. The last person in my family before DD to color her hair an unnatural color was me when I was in collage. I still hear about it.

If you are one of those people who always has out-there hair in funky colors, then its simply who you are, and your sister shoudl have anticipated it or spoken to you in advance (something like "hey sis I know you generally have crazy hair colors, but would you mind for the wedding having something more natural please?"). But if this is the first time you have gone 'wild' with your hair, and its a totally out of the ordinary thing for you to decide to do, I think your sister has a point. I mean what "milestone" are you reaching - 30? 40? To me that's only even a mini-milestone. To suddenly decide 1 month before your sister's wedding to dye your hair purple for the first time in your life comes across as you wanting to steal the spotlight, not as all as a birthday thing for yourself.

I agree with this. Especially in light of the past thread, where my impression was that OP was getting unreasonably annoyed with her sister for normal bride stuff (plus justifiably annoyed with some other demands), suddenly doing something wild and dramatic with her hair comes across as a petty dig against the bride even if OP doesn't intend it that way. Unless the wedding is a long time off, I would hold off on this until after the wedding. Or use one of the PP's compromise to cut it now and hold off on the color until after the wedding.