And learning to see the glass half full has its perks: It can improve the quality of your life and may even increase lifespan, she says. When Harvard researchers studied 70,000 women over an eight-year period, the most optimistic quartile had an almost 30% lower risk of dying from several major causes of death compared with women in the least optimistic quartile.

If you’re looking to reap the benefits of a happier, healthier and more positive life, here’s what experts recommend you do.

Reframing the situation involves looking for opportunity instead of ruminating on the loss. “When you’re going through something problematic, ask yourself, ‘What potential things could I gain from this?’” Lightman recommends. For example, people going through difficult breakups may find that they’ll gain the time to understand themselves. A rejection from graduate school may lead to a beneficial year of work experience in order to better prepare for higher education down the line, says Lightman.

Priming yourself to notice opportunities in the future instantly lifts you from a downward spiral of negative thoughts, Lightman explains.

Sometimes, raw, overly emotional negatives can’t be reframed immediately, she says, and in those cases, it’s best to divert your attention elsewhere. “Shift your focus to something else,” Lightman says. That could be something as simple as watching a funny video, calling a friend or taking a walk.

Savor the Good

We’re really good at dwelling on the not-so-great, Davis says. But when we experience something positive — like a compliment from a friend or a beautiful day outside — we tend to let it pass without even noticing. Savoring or holding onto those pleasant moments and thinking, Wow, this is really great can actually strengthen positive emotions, she explains.

Be as descriptive as you can about the good things you notice, Davis recommends, even if you’re talking to yourself. The more you build your vocabulary of positive words, the more easily your brain will be able to access them, which will help boost your overall mood and outlook, she says.

Lightman suggests taking it a step further by writing down your positive experiences. Keep these notes in a jar, box or container. When you start to feel down, you’ll have a flow of positive thoughts and memories to read, she says.

Set Reminders

You wouldn’t expect yourself to remember important tasks without writing them down on your to-do list, would you? Well, the same is true about positivity, says Davis. Write yourself a message on a sticky note and attach it to your computer screen at work, Lightman says. You might write down an inspirational quote you like, a reminder to smile or something you have to be thankful for. Small reminders help keep positivity front and center in your life, she says.

Do Something Nice for Someone Else

One of the fastest, most effective ways to feel happier is to show someone kindness, according to Davis. “In America, we’re so individualistic, that we think, ‘Oh I have this problem, I should focus on me and fix me,’” says Davis. “But really, the more we focus on other people, the more effective we are in terms of positivity.” In a 2017 study by Oxford University, researchers found that performing acts of kindness for just seven days had a measurable, positive effect on well-being and positive social emotion.

Phone a friend

Most optimists have strong, supportive relationships, according to Reivich. “You don’t have to have a lot of them,” she says. “But you have to have people in your life where you feel like they’re there for you and you’re there for them.”

Optimists are also more likely than pessimists to use their support networks. “An optimistic thinker is more likely to say, ‘This is hard. Who do I need to call? What help do I need?’” Reivich explains. Negative thinkers tend to isolate themselves in tough situations, she says, which can breed more negative thoughts.

The comfort of knowing your own strengths and knowing you don’t have to do everything by yourself contributes to long-term happiness, according to Reivich.

Say Thanks

Thinking about what you’re grateful for can instantly improve your mood, and as you begin to make gratitude a habit, you’ll see lasting benefits, Davis says.

It works because our interpretation of events influences our emotions more than the events themselves, Lightman explains. In negative experiences, gratitude is one of the most effective tools, as it can change the emotions you feel, she says.

Consider writing down three good things that happen to you every day — research has linked this act to increased happiness and fewer symptoms of depression.

Being grateful for the lessons learned in a negative situation, in spite of what led you to the lessons, will help you walk away from negative experiences with something gained. “If you don’t fall, you can’t learn to get back up,” Lightman says.

I was nonchalantly looking through Instagram and saw Jake Nicolella’s random photograph of a seemingly ordinary subway ride in New York City with the follow captioned thoughts:

“This world. Right now. There are trees turning orange with the fall, and trees that will remain lush year around. There are old men biding time in the mall food court reminiscing about what was, and teenagers infinitely scrolling, dreaming about what’s next. Right now. Existing in this moment. There are grandmothers, friends, hopes and lessons to be learned. There are people you will never know, or even think to know, made up of all the same flesh, time, and wonder that brought you to this moment. Right now. There are small, enraged men with weapons of war and fear in their hearts. Compelled to take lives that were never worth that fear and never theirs to take. Again and again and again. The ripple of their actions will cascade pain for generations Right now. Fear disguised as patriotism. Fear sold as justice. Fear burnt ass red hot fuel to beget more fear. But right now. There is also the last car on the M train at 6:58 pm. There are two men. There is a mother. Her seven-month-old baby. A group of high school students. There is a shared moment that lets me know that fear has no chance. That fear has no place here in this moment. There are eight lives intersecting from different points of origin, heading toward unknown and likely different terminuses, and everything is going to be okay. Here. Right now. Everything has got to be okay.”

The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation, was founded in Denver, Colorado, in response to the city’s “Summer of Violence” in 1993, when dozens of people were killed in gang-related shootings, including several children. One victim of stray gunfire was just 10 months old.

The organisation borrowed the writer Ann Herbert’s call for people to “practice random acts of kindness, and senseless acts of beauty”.

The phrase has since been popularised on doormats and bumper stickers across the US and encourages Americans to surprise one another with good deeds.

Kelsey Gryniewicz, a director at the foundation, advocates activities such as anonymously leaving hampers of food on neighbours’ doorsteps and paying for the person queuing behind you at a coffee shop.

“It’s not just about single acts, though,” she says. “It’s about changing your mentality from day to day.”

The World Kindness Movement represents the work of organisations from 23 different countries. “It has gone way past the level of community endeavour,” says its secretary general Michael Lloyd-White.

Would you buy a “suspended coffee” for someone in need?

But measuring the impact of these groups is not easy.

Each year, the Charities Aid Foundation (CAF) publishes a World Giving Index, which attempts to track certain types of giving behaviour in 146 countries across the globe.

The data is extracted from an annual poll conducted by research firm Gallup and ranks countries according to the proportion of people who have volunteered, helped strangers at random, or donated money to charity in a typical month.

In first position last year was Australia, where a third of the population volunteers each month and two-thirds claim to have helped a stranger and donated money to charity.

Lisa Grinham, from CAF’s Australian branch, says that the rise is due to the flooding that hit Queensland and Victoria the year before, pointing out that figures tend to rise in times of national hardship.

In the US, which dropped from first to fifth place in the global index last year, a team of academics is working on a programme of compassion education in schools to try to reverse the decline.

Richard J Davidson from the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin-Madison thinks that the level of kindness in society can be improved if children are taught to be more empathetic from an early age.

“Compassion should be regarded as a skill that can be cultivated through training,” he says.

The kindness curriculum is currently being taught in 10 schools across Wisconsin. The project is still at the research stage, but “the early signs are promising”, he says.

Not everybody is convinced that focussing on compassion in this way is helpful, however.

“We have made altruism a sacred object, so we’ve been blinded to its deleterious effects,” says Barbara Oakley from the University of Oakland, Michigan.

In a new book called Pathological Altruism, she argues against what she sees as a cultural obsession with the notion of kindness.

“There’s a misguided view that empathy is a universal solvent. Helping others is often about your own narcissism. What you think people need is often not actually what they need.”

Kelsey Gryniewicz doesn’t think that the American kindness movement is guilty of that charge, arguing that there are tangible, practical benefits to the activities they recommend.

“It doesn’t have to be about cradling people in a bubble of kindness,” she says.

In Singapore, William Wan takes a more reflective view. “We must be realistic. We mustn’t be naive. Kindness movements can’t solve all our problems, but if they can solve some of our problems, why not use them?”

If you hate being hugged, the world can be a challenging place. You never know when someone you’re meeting for a quick coffee will approach you, arms open wide, coming in for an embrace.

Your options are limited: you can awkwardly dodge the gesture, stick out your hand for a handshake, or submit to the unwanted bear hug.

Regardless of whether you are pro or anti-embrace, here’s everything to know about the human behavior of hugging:

Why people love or loathe hugging

So why is it that some people love a good hug, while others abhor them? According to experts, it may have something to do with how you were raised.

“Our tendency to engage in physical touch—whether hugging, a pat on the back, or linking arms with a friend—is often a product of our early childhood experiences,” says Suzanne Degges-White, a professor of Counseling and Counselor Education at Northern Illinois University. A 2012 study published in Comprehensive Psychology found that people who were raised by parents who were frequent huggers were more likely to be huggers in adulthood. The study concluded that, “hugging is an important element in a child’s emotional upbringing.”

Conversely, Degges-White says, for people raised by devout non-huggers, the very thought of hugging might make them uncomfortable. “In a family that was not typically physically demonstrative, children may grow up and follow that same pattern with their own kids,” she says.

Still, she notes instances when growing up without physical touchcan actually have the opposite effect. “Some children grow up and feel ‘starved’ for touch and become social huggers that can’t greet a friend without an embrace or a touch on the shoulder,” Degges-White says.

Whether you grew up in a family that was always hugging or was brought up in an environment that lacked touch—these factors can leave a lasting physiological impact.

Darcia Narvaez, a professor of psychology at University of Notre Dame, says that there are two main ways that not being touched can affect a growing body: it can lead to an underdeveloped vagus nerve, a bundle of nerves that runs from the spinal cord to the abdomen, which research shows can decrease people’s ability to be intimate or compassionate, and can lead to an underdeveloped oxytocin system, the glands which release the oxytocin hormone that can help humans form bonds with other people.

As proof, Narvaez points to a group of Romanian orphans, who were at the center of a 2014 study on the lasting impact of neglect on developing minds. Romanian orphans who were adopted had malfunctioning oxytocin systems, according to the study. “They were hardly touched in the orphanage and so did not display the rise in oxytocin— ‘the cuddle hormone’—well-cared-for children have when sitting on their parent’s lap,” Narvaez says.

Without this hormone, it can be harder to pick up on social cuesand even be more sociable. So hugging and touch are incredibly important for youngsters—even if you don’t particularly like them as an adult.

Self-esteem and body issues may also play a role in someone’s hugging predilections. “People who are more open to physical touch with others typically have higher levels of self-confidence,” says Degges-White. “People who have higher levels of social anxiety, in general, may be hesitant to engage in affectionate touches with others, including friends.” And the fear of someone ‘reaching out’—literally and figuratively—can make that discomfort even worse, she warns.

There’s also a cultural component to being hug avoidant. People in the U.S. and England hug and touch way less often than people in France or Puerto Rico, according to a 2010 study by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.

How huggers should interact with people who are hug avoidant

The Emily Post Institute, which carries on the work of the eponymous doyenne of etiquette, suggests skipping the hug altogether unless you are closely acquainted with someone. The reason is simple: while you might be comfortable with it, “not everyone else—even those who might go along with it quietly—are,” the institute wrote in a blog post.

The manners maven also encouraged huggers to take note of body language: when someone proffers their hand instead of going in for a bear hug for example, recognize the signal, and then shake on it. The body language of non-huggers is hard to miss, too: If you’re going in for a hug and notice a grimace or a look of horror in the person’s eyes, you might consider aborting the mission.

Samantha Hess—a “professional cuddler” and founder of a Portland, Oregon-based service that teaches people how to enjoy platonic touch—says it’s important to be mindful of other people’s cues. “Everyone has the right to control what happens to their body,” she says. “Many of our clients aren’t comfortable with even a handshake when they first arrive.”

Hess adds that it can take weeks or even months for her clients to feel comfortable enough to enjoy a good old-fashioned embrace—if they ever get there at all.

The scientific benefits of hugging

There is a very real reason to try hugging: it may make you less likely to get sick.

In a 2015 study, researchers from Carnegie Mellon University looked at the effects that hugs and other forms of affection can have on the immune system. Specifically, researchers wanted to know if the people who felt loved were less susceptible to the common cold—and they were: 32% of that immune boost came from the stress-alleviating effects of hugging.

“Those who receive more hugs are somewhat more protected from infection,” the study concluded.

But if anti-huggers are still unconvinced, they may want to make note of a 2014 study published in the American Journal of Infection Control that found that fist bumping is the most hygienic form of greeting—an alternative that requires minimal contact.

How to overcome your aversion to hugs

While no one should ever feel obligated to hug someone, if you want to overcome your hug aversion, Hess’s company has a carefully laid out plan for helping people overcome their distaste for the embrace. “We go over consent and boundaries prior to any touch and reassure them they are always welcome to change their mind,” she explains. “We have 78 cuddle poses we can guide people through so we can find something for just about any comfort level.”

And for those who don’t mind physical touch, but still aren’t sold on hugging, Degges-White suggests pushing through the temporary unease and go for the embrace. “You may very well find yourself overcome with relief, gratitude, surprise, acceptance and even regret for having closed yourself off from your own self for so long,” she says.

unaware
unintentional
but more real
than the ever-changing Seasons. . .

Eugene Peterson gave me one this past week. . .

He died

He was the author of many books but his masterpiece was his rewriting of the Bible entitled, THE MESSAGE. . .

I remember reading this when it came out in 2011;

it was his Mini-Manifesto. . .

When I heard of his death on October 22, I re-read it again

and underlined new passages. . .

did I not read them before. . .

did they not spark a little ember in me that they now have. . .

the take-aways

this time

settled into a deeper place

where roots will soon follow:

TWO QUOTES:

“I think that the dying pray at the last not “Please” but “thank-you.”–Annie Dillard

“Only where graves are is there resurrection.”
–Karl Barth

and this story:

“while visiting a Benedictine monastery, Christ in the Desert, in New Mexico, one of the Brothers was leading us on a path from prayers in the chapel in the refectory where we would have lunch. The path led through the cemetery. We passed an open grave. Jen, my wife asked, “Oh, did one of the Brothers just die?” and the reply was powerfully, impactfully short,“No, this is for the next one.”

My Mini-Manifesto has me celebrating 24 years of doing hospice work as of October 31–Halloween. . .

part of THATmanifesto

is not being taught how to die

BUT HOW TO LIVE
. . .again and again and again and again and again and again and again

When I met her, she asked me to bring her real communionand I ask her what is real communion, and she said, “you know the one with wine not with grape juice.”

It started off an explosion of ideas and memories in me:

a little girl who asked me during a Junior Sermon one Sunday, “When can I have some of that ‘Jesus Juice’

a Deacon offering me the Cup during a recent Mass at an inpatient Hospice unit

a Eucharistic Minister who knew I wasn’t Catholic offering me Communion on a Maundy Thursday during Holy Week

catching a kid taking a hand full of Communion wafers and eating them like tic-tacs

But mostly:

what is r e a l c o m m u n i o n ?

is it actually symbolic of a piece of bread or broken bread or a way for symbolizes the broken body of Christ. . .

is a great juice is it real wind it symbolizes the shed blood of Christ. . .

Is it something less religious maybe even more spiritual. . .

is it the first time my father looked into the eyes of his newborn child. . .

is it the first time a new mom successfully Breast feeds her baby

Is it a couple on their wedding day sharing a Ritz cracker and a sip of Ginger ale because that’s what they shared on their first date in the park

is it a grandmother, literally tearing a loaf of bread in half and passing a piece each of their grandchildren on a picnic and explaining it doesn’t matter how big the piece is as long as it’s a shared piece. . .

is it the unspoken language between a husband and a wife of 50+ years sharing thatone last look before one of them dies. . .

What. . .

What is Real Communion?

And who. . .

Who can have it. . .

Who can share or distribute it?

Probably safe to say, huh,

there are many different meanings

there are many different definitions

of what exactly is REAL COMMUNION

is the definition that you give to it

and maybe even greater still

the Priest you are WHO Share it. . .

Whatever Real Communion is to you

~~define it~~

share it~~

live it~~

be it…

because whatever real communion is,

it’s not a solitary confinement

or singular act

it ultimately is a shared experience

between you and another person

or a group of likeminded OTHERS

and if it’s not SHARED

then it’s not REAL COMMUNION

~~ it’s THEN whatever it is you define as it’s exact snd complete opposite

Everything You Know About the Fate

of Lottery Winners Is Probably Wrong,

According to Science

ARE YOU. . .

Are you more

R I C H E R

This morning

than you were yesterday morning?

Y E S T E R D A Y ‘ S

Mega Millions jackpot has gone up to a record-breaking $1.60 BILLION and TONIGHT’S Powerball will have a drawing of a mere $620 million jackpot. A winning ticket for either lottery will be life-changing, but some of the popular theories about the fate of lottery winners aren’t necessarily accurate, according to a study published in May.

The study, published by the National Bureau of Economic Research, examined 3,362 Swedish lottery winners who scored at least $100,000, and surveyed them about their well-being five to 22 years after they hit the jackpot.

The study was conducted in Sweden and the lottery prizes were not in the high millions, but New York University economics professor Dr. Daniel Cesarini – a co-author of the study – says he does not believe the results would differ significantly if he were to study Americans who won multi-million dollar prizes.

“The prizes for the Mega Millions are way bigger that anything we studied. We looked at people who won up to $2 million,” he said. “I’m sure that people who win much larger prizes wrestle with certain challenges that you wouldn’t wrestle with if you win a $1 million.”

Cesarini also believes his work with Swedish lottery winners is likely to be broadly applicable. He says a different study of American lottery winners showed similar reactions to his findings.

“It’s hard to say if the results would be different if we conducted the study in America,” he said “My guess would be that the results would not be radically different. There are some ways in which money might help in the United States compared to Sweden, for example heath care, but I would not be shocked if someone did a similar study in the U.S. and reached broadly similar conclusions, but there are some reasons to expect in certain ways results could differ.”

Here are some misconceptions about the fate of lottery winners that Cesarini’s study appears to debunk.

People who win big lottery jackpots blow their money in a few years

Cesarini tells TIME MAGAZINE that a common misconception is that the more a person wins in the lottery, the more likely he or she is to spend it all.

An often-cited — but incorrect — anecdote about lottery winners falsely attributed to the National Endowment for Financial Education claims that about 70% of people who suddenly receive a windfall of cash will lose it within a few years. In January 2018, the National Endowment for Financial Education set the record straight and said that statistic was not backed up by any of their research.

Examples of the “curse of the lottery” abound – from the West Virginia man whose daughter and granddaughter died of overdoses after he won $315 million in 2002, to the Kentucky man who claimed a $21 million prize in 2001 and lost it all by 2006.

Cesarini says he and his fellow researchers found that lottery winners who won larger sums of up to $2 million actually retained their wealth well over a decade after the jackpot.

“We saw that people who won large sums of money were still wealthier 10 years after the fact, compared to people who won small sums of money,” he says. “Also, if you look at things like labor supply – the people who win large sums of money do cut down on work but it’s quite rare for them to quit altogether. They cut down mostly in the form of taking longer vacations.”

Cesarini says people expect that a lot of winners immediately squander their wealth, but that is rare.

He adds: “What we see consistently is that they work a little bit less, but they spend the money quite intelligently. But that’s not to say that nobody has wrestled with self-control problems and using the money in ways that are not conducive to their best interest. But, I think that their behavior is a lot more governed than you might believe if you’re reading popular accounts of what happens.”

All that money makes people miserable later in life

Researchers found happiness and mental health for people who won at least $100,00 in the lottery did not change significantly, but contrary to popular belief there was no proof it made any of the participants less happy.

Overall, the money won led to positive long-term satisfaction, and researchers found that there was a connection between a financial life satisfaction and long-term overall life satisfaction.

“Large-prize winners experience sustained increases in overall life satisfaction that persist for over a decade and show no evidence of dissipating with time,” the study said.

People who win the lottery are happier every day

Researchers in this study measured life satisfaction by asking about participants’ feelings of their overall life quality. Happiness was measured by asking about day-to-day feelings.

Where it did make a difference was life satisfaction. Researchers got at that by asking things like, “How happy are you with family and friends?” or “How happy are you with your finances?”

“We asked people about life satisfaction overall, an evaluative measure, and that’s where we saw the strongest effects of lottery wealth,” Cesarini says. “We also asked about their happiness, and for happiness we found there’s no strong evidence that lottery winners are happier in the long run, but there is strong evidence that they are more satisfied with their lives in the long run.”

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