Followers

Saturday, October 03, 2009

The Football Association has ruled that Londoners supporting Arsenal Football Club do not have to behave themselves, especially when confronted by a man of African origin, possibly wearing a blue shirt. The ruling came as part of their suspended match ban of Manchester City’s Emmanuel Adebayor for opening his arms in front of a Londoner.

“The FA has ruled that in no way is it reasonable to expect a Londoner, possibly wearing a red shirt, to control their natural desire to riot when provoked by a black man in a blue shirt,” said a statement. “The normal behavioural expectation when encountering Londoners should to assume they are aggressive beasts and the African gentlemen should have known not to kneel in front of them. We have to make allowances for Londoners being unable to sit down and shut the fuck up.”

The FA said it was clear that the Londoners had suffered unduly from extreme provocation. According to a report they had endured sitting on a train that did not go underground and may only have been drinking since six in the morning, as opposed to their normal workday start.

“It is quite clear that most of these Londoners suffer from learning difficulties,” continued the FA statement. “You only have to listen to them and their limited speech capability. They have an impenetrable language based upon a very restricted alphabet.”

It is believed that your average Londoner has yet to make sense of concepts the rest of us take for granted such as “enjoying a football match” and “not ripping up the seats”.

The judgement is a sad indictment of the state of the modern Londoner, but comes only a few months after a large number of the beasts were sanctioned following a Carling Cup match at Upton Park when thousands of Londoners decided to shit on their own doorstep.

“We are introducing a new, simple, ‘Dictionary for Londoners’ with plenty of pictures,” said the FA. “To help them understand some of the concepts of the modern world that are alien to them.”

Entries include:-

AllegianceKissing a badge on a football shirt is not legally binding.

LoyaltyWhen a foreign gentlemen travel thousands of miles to play football for huge sums of money, it is very likely he may travel a few hundred miles for even more. He didn’t come to your city for the jellied eels and that lovable way you call everyone a cunt.