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When I left home at 19 I was emotionally stunted and pretty much devoid of social skills. Luckily I fell in with a loving and kind group of gay people who helped me grow up. They were all so quick-witted, and I wasn’t, that they called me their “straight man.” I learned many important and useful things. I share them freely. Don’t carry a wallet in your back pocket because it spoils the line of your jeans. Don’t put a sweater in the dryer. Swimmers have the best bodies. You must hang Christmas tree ornaments so they dangle freely and do not get caught up on other branches; similarly, you must hang the tinsel strand by strand rather than glopping it on. Continue reading →

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