A Jew gets to heaven after passing on and finally meets the one true, holy God; Jehovah; YHWH. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, one he has been molding with care, shining and retooling until it was perfect for this exact audience. Even his delivery is perfect. But God is not moved, he does not laugh. The Jew, for all the work that he has put into the joke, does not seem surprised or even disappointed. Instead he shrugs and says with a wink and a sad smile, "I guess you had to be there to understand".

Catbox Catastrophe

mat_catastrophe
I don't know anything outside of what is inside me
and that, too, is dim and confused.
I imagine a cloud somewhere
and that's where the answers lie.
They always lie, answers.

DejaMorgana: Oh, crap. I've just discovered an unforgiveable plot hole in Episode IX of the Land Before Time. Now it's going to annoy me every time I see or hear it (which is about three times a week).Eco: Yes, well, this world is a vale of tears for anyone who demands strict accuracy in movies about talking dinosaurs.

dannye : Put on the DVD of Bad Santa. Turn the sound down. Put Beck's "Lost Cause" on the CD player and hit "repeat". Sit there for 103 minutes with a 9 mm on the table. See if you can make it.

Simulacron3 : I gave up on drugs when I discovered pain. Pain is the thing for those sufficiently advanced.

bipolarbear God life would be so much easier if we all spelt anaemia the same way *sigh*Glowing Fish Yes, I've always thought, that is my definition of an easy life.

artman2003 At the top of my scratchpad is probably my first attempt here, maybe anywhere, at a sad story. I normally do humour. I want to make sure that it's not over the top, that people actually will think it's funny. Like just about the saddest story ever.artman2003 I worry that people reading it familiar with my usual shit will sit there waiting for a punchline.TheDeadGuy You mean, your fans?TheDeadGuy Do you feel you've been typecast here by an unforgiving readership addicted to familiarity and opposed to fresh voices?

Jet-Poop I'll have you know slapping people like a bitch is a perfectly legitimate way to handle disputes. ;)

Simulacron3 I sat up and pushed my butt back against the headboard and looked at it for a moment. It was quiet so I asked, "Are you a ghost?"BIII I thought I could see ghosts when I was sixSimulacron3 Turned out to be my dad in a white t-shirt.mcd ewww, headboard-dad!BIII I also thought I could store psychic energy in crystals and use them to contact spirits from the underworld.Simulacron3 My dad wasn't the headboard; he was the ghost.mcd oh but you can BIII, you can. (this msg brought to you by the underworld)Spifficus Rex My grandpa insists that the ghost of my grandma's sister pokes him at night sometimes while he's trying to sleep, but I have never seen anything to suggest that there is a ghost in this house.Spifficus Rex One of my aunts has a ghost hunting group. She insists that they have seen ghost activity. I don't believe in ghosts, so I really want to go with her on one of her things, but she doesn't take me. :'(mcd She's looking out for you - do you really want to run into your grandad's hot sister-in-law out there?Spifficus Rex My Aunt Agnes wasn't very hot in the time I knew her. Apparently she was pretty cool back in her day though and owned a bar or something.BIII Why were you noticing how hot your aunt was?mcd bashes head repeatedly against catbox wallSpifficus Rex I'm comfortable mentioning that my older relatives aren't hot.mcd tell us more about your hot relativesBIII So you acknowledge the possibility that they could be hot and you would notice?mcd hot like a scytheSpifficus Rex That's awesome. I wish my grandma would teach me how to use a scythe.Spifficus Rex My dad got remarried a couple years back. I met one of my stepsisters and thought she was quite attractive, but she is married. :Vmcd Yeah, but how are her skills with a scythe?bluerabie careful, spifferoo - not illegal, but frowned upon...

a poet's gun. it should be serious as lead.
a piece heavy to lift, but irresponsible, and black,
black as the syphilis on lucifer's cock.

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Holy shit! More lists!! WOOHOO!!

(List generated Tue Mar 5 01:52:17 2013 GMT by the Homenode List Generator.
Goodness is the percentage of votes that are upvotes. (At least I hope it is, program that I had to rewrite to get to work at all. Not the programmer's fault necessarily, but some curl problems on the system I was running it from. Could be that the E2 server isn't accepting the same remote curl call as the program was using before.)).