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I'm feeling overwhelmed and slowly coming out of a major depression/anxiety since diagnosis. So I seem to be sensitive to meds (Is it cuz I weigh like 118lbs?) cuz I had gnarly side effects from the antidepressants I've tried. I'm trying another one called "Tofranil"? soon. Blah blah. So yes I'm starting HIV and mental meds soon and ready to take control of my health. I do feel a little vulnerable today after hearing my doctor wanting to talk to me tomorrow in person. I'm scared thinking I WILL GET PCP TOMORROW. I laugh at how ridiculous the anxious thoughts are sometimes.

I feel like I haven't really adjusted yet but getting there. But god! I've never experienced depression like this before and for so long. I just can't wait to feel normal again. So I'm thinking Sustiva will be a bad idea, but I'm really open to anything I guess. I avoided the med lessons on here. I have a bad habit of doing too much online research and scaring myself...but I'm going to talk to my doctor first and figure out the first combo before I go ape s#$% online.

I just can't help but think the worst will happen when school starts up again in 2 weeks and I have to dance ALL DAY. I imagine myself cracked out from the anti-d or shitting my pants at the ballet barré from the HIV meds! Ha!

Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else was intimidated at first or felt vulnerable when they figured out their immune system was tanking/started meds?

I do feel very fatigued a few days a week (can't tell if it's the stress or depression) and had a very very very mild case of shingles a month ago.Those are all clues I guess. This is HIV showing itself to me and becoming more real.

Hi Michael, welcome. I can't remember how I felt when I started meds, it was so long ago. Maybe someone who has started them within the last year could help more. But, like you said, you are taking charge of your health, and that's a big step. Hang in there.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Well, I have to admit I've been more depressed this last week than ever in my life. Damn near suicidal to be honest. I also started meds (Atripla) 3 weeks ago. Honestly, ,though, I am not sure if the depression is coming from the meds or other factors. I have had no other side effects from the meds and thought I was dealing well.

I'm also trying to navigate a new relationship with a guy that I really like. I assume he's negative. We haven't had any sex and lately I've been getting some mixed messages from him. One day everything seems awesome and the next, it seems he's pulling away. My mood fluxuates with each interaction we have. If I get good vibes from him, I'm on a high. Bad vibes, I can barely function and have no desire to eat, work or even get out of bed.

I suspect that the anxiety over the eventual "disclosure discussion" is the major contributor to the depression and mood swings. Tonight looks like the night I will just put it out there and see how it goes. As I look at it, even if he runs, I can't feel any worse than I have the last few days. Basically, I just need to get out of this limbo-land and tell him and then move my life forward from there.

I can't completely discount the Atripla (esp. the Sustiva component in Atripla) as a contributing factor to my depression. I visited my doc yesterday and he feels that it's most likely not the drug as I haven't had any other side effects however, I've never felt worse in my life.

I am almost always up and positive with a generally great outlook on life. If you've seen any of my previous posts you'll understand that I've been grabbing life by the balls and living despite my diagnosis.

Today is a really, really bad day. I didn't necessarily want to die but I was willing to do almost anything to stop the pain and anxiety. I was reminded by a close friend (who is also a therapist) that I WILL get through this - he promised. I believe him but I can't stand feeling this way.

I guess my only advice is to hang in there. While I'm so sorry you're feeling the way you are, it makes me feel better that there are others out there who are experiencing some of what I am. Hope you take comfort in the fact that you are not alone as I am doing.

Let's promise to keep up the fight, win the battle and LIVE, GODDAMMIT!!!!

Mpls, the Sustiva in the Atripla could be contributing to your depression, maybe even magnifying an underlying depressive condition. If you feel like you're losing control, please seek help. Hang in there you guys.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Feeling a bit better today. Decided to start to reduce as much stress and anxiety in my life as possible. I backed out of the relationship thing last night - the emotional ups and downs are just too much for me right now. I'm going to stay focused on me and taking care of myself.

Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else was intimidated at first or felt vulnerable when they figured out their immune system was tanking/started meds?

Sugar Bear, I do believe you and I have had this discussion, eh? One of the most important things for you to remember about yourself right now is that, no matter how whacked out you might be thinking you are about all this, you're really about par for the course.

Send me a PM anytime you need. Good to see you at least steering out of Mental Health for change. We'll know you're truly hitting stride once we actually see some Living With or (gasp!) Off Topic posts sprinkled in.

we have identical numbers, almost, and I saw my doc yesterday and we decided it was time to go on meds. I'm freaking excited! A bit anxious about side effects, yes, but freaking excited to get this VL undetectable and take over that damn virus.

So I see it the other way. You say the virus is taking over and you're depressed about that, I say "fuck it, now it's MY turn to kill you, bastard". And that gives me joy and want to dance

I have the same opinion as Milker. Meds are a good thing for me, too! I started on AZT "back in the day" c.1995 and have been on meds ever since.

Sure, I was nervous when I switched from PIs to Sustiva in 2002, but ever since then, I have had an undetectable VL. It can work in as fast as three weeks, from what I've read, in bringing a VL down to undetectable. Side effects for me are minimal and certainly manageable. The drunk feeling I sometimes get at bedtime is a nice way to fall asleep!

You aren't going to get sick tomorrow, you aren't going to have to worry about your dancing. You'll be fine, really. If you're anxious, try a little Xanax as an appetizer, thats what I've been doing lately! Best of luck, shadow. I'm curious to see how well you're going to be doing by April.

Hi Michael, welcome. I can't remember how I felt when I started meds, it was so long ago. Maybe someone who has started them within the last year could help more. But, like you said, you are taking charge of your health, and that's a big step. Hang in there.

I have the same opinion as Milker. Meds are a good thing for me, too! I started on AZT "back in the day" c.1995 and have been on meds ever since.

Sure, I was nervous when I switched from PIs to Sustiva in 2002, but ever since then, I have had an undetectable VL. It can work in as fast as three weeks, from what I've read, in bringing a VL down to undetectable. Side effects for me are minimal and certainly manageable. The drunk feeling I sometimes get at bedtime is a nice way to fall asleep!

You aren't going to get sick tomorrow, you aren't going to have to worry about your dancing. You'll be fine, really. If you're anxious, try a little Xanax as an appetizer, thats what I've been doing lately! Best of luck, shadow. I'm curious to see how well you're going to be doing by April.

~ Cindy

Thanks for your kind words! I'm hoping I'm back to normal by March! I saw the doc today and it seems the weight loss and fatigue is not something we can pinpoint to either HIV or depression...so yeah hopefully I'll lessen both of those things soon. Going to wait a few weeks to start Truvada and Viramune (that's the combo he recommended)....gotta get my brain fixed first! oh and P.S. Xanax is my wonder drug. Seriously.

we have identical numbers, almost, and I saw my doc yesterday and we decided it was time to go on meds. I'm freaking excited! A bit anxious about side effects, yes, but freaking excited to get this VL undetectable and take over that damn virus.

So I see it the other way. You say the virus is taking over and you're depressed about that, I say "fuck it, now it's MY turn to kill you, bastard". And that gives me joy and want to dance

Milker.

Hey! So I'm going on Truvada + Viramune. Gonna start in a few weeks. What are you starting on? Some of my gheys are gonna sleepover the first night just in case anything happens.

Sugar Bear, I do believe you and I have had this discussion, eh? One of the most important things for you to remember about yourself right now is that, no matter how whacked out you might be thinking you are about all this, you're really about par for the course.

Send me a PM anytime you need. Good to see you at least steering out of Mental Health for change. We'll know you're truly hitting stride once we actually see some Living With or (gasp!) Off Topic posts sprinkled in.

Cheers to ya.

Hey you,Did you start the Wellbutrin? How are you feeling? Crying at O.B. commercials still? Ya know...this shit is hard. Fear can be a valuable feeling sometimes.But I do know I have plenty of irrational fears since diagnosis but I don't feel weird about his fear. I do feel empowered in a way.I'm choosing to live....even though my life totally sucks as of late. (No income...etc). But it was nice to gain insight into this....the will to live.

Well, I have to admit I've been more depressed this last week than ever in my life. Damn near suicidal to be honest. I also started meds (Atripla) 3 weeks ago. Honestly, ,though, I am not sure if the depression is coming from the meds or other factors. I have had no other side effects from the meds and thought I was dealing well.

I'm also trying to navigate a new relationship with a guy that I really like. I assume he's negative. We haven't had any sex and lately I've been getting some mixed messages from him. One day everything seems awesome and the next, it seems he's pulling away. My mood fluxuates with each interaction we have. If I get good vibes from him, I'm on a high. Bad vibes, I can barely function and have no desire to eat, work or even get out of bed.

I suspect that the anxiety over the eventual "disclosure discussion" is the major contributor to the depression and mood swings. Tonight looks like the night I will just put it out there and see how it goes. As I look at it, even if he runs, I can't feel any worse than I have the last few days. Basically, I just need to get out of this limbo-land and tell him and then move my life forward from there.

I can't completely discount the Atripla (esp. the Sustiva component in Atripla) as a contributing factor to my depression. I visited my doc yesterday and he feels that it's most likely not the drug as I haven't had any other side effects however, I've never felt worse in my life.

I am almost always up and positive with a generally great outlook on life. If you've seen any of my previous posts you'll understand that I've been grabbing life by the balls and living despite my diagnosis.

Today is a really, really bad day. I didn't necessarily want to die but I was willing to do almost anything to stop the pain and anxiety. I was reminded by a close friend (who is also a therapist) that I WILL get through this - he promised. I believe him but I can't stand feeling this way.

I guess my only advice is to hang in there. While I'm so sorry you're feeling the way you are, it makes me feel better that there are others out there who are experiencing some of what I am. Hope you take comfort in the fact that you are not alone as I am doing.

Let's promise to keep up the fight, win the battle and LIVE, GODDAMMIT!!!!

Um I'd go see your doctor. As soon as I said "major depression" he replied "Okay no Sustiva!"....so i'm starting truv+viramune. Hang in there!Good for you for dating already. I'm not ready for that shit.

I am at the same stage as you are right now. My VL is 28000 and CD4 276. My doc is putting me on Truvada and checked my resistance to Sustiva, Which it turns out is no good for me and so I have an appointment next week with my doc to get something else.

When will you start?

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Cruise on down the High Way

"When people who are not ready jump in, things can go horribly wrong. For most of us, there is always time to take a deep breath, consider one's options and make a careful, sound decision based on clinical fact, not emotion."MtD

I am at the same stage as you are right now. My VL is 28000 and CD4 276. My doc is putting me on Truvada and checked my resistance to Sustiva, Which it turns out is no good for me and so I have an appointment next week with my doc to get something else.

When will you start?

Hey!Yeah AHF took my genotype on the very first day blood test. I had no idea. Looks like I have no mutations. woot!I'm going to start in 1-2 weeks. I'm waiting to see if I'll get any side effects from the anti-d I just started. The doc says it would be better to not start both those things at the same time. I agree! Thanks for the kind words.

Hey you,Did you start the Wellbutrin? How are you feeling? Crying at O.B. commercials still? Ya know...this shit is hard. Fear can be a valuable feeling sometimes.But I do know I have plenty of irrational fears since diagnosis but I don't feel weird about his fear. I do feel empowered in a way.I'm choosing to live....even though my life totally sucks as of late. (No income...etc). But it was nice to gain insight into this....the will to live.

Yep. Sure did. Feeling much better now. Can ya tell?

I either missed it or am just having brain fog, but I have to know what anti-d you are finally taking. This has been many moons in the making. And what is this? Did I see a post in OT?? Are there breaks starting to come through the clouds? Just a little, maybe?

I either missed it or am just having brain fog, but I have to know what anti-d you are finally taking. This has been many moons in the making. And what is this? Did I see a post in OT?? Are there breaks starting to come through the clouds? Just a little, maybe?

I'm on the old-school "gold standard" one...tofranil. I'm on the lowest dose possible (10mg) and i'm still experiencing minor GI side effects (ahem: constipation=not cute I know). I guess they put me on that cuz I'm "too sensitive". I'm hoping to increase my dosage from the geriatric one to the adolescent one. ha.

"When people who are not ready jump in, things can go horribly wrong. For most of us, there is always time to take a deep breath, consider one's options and make a careful, sound decision based on clinical fact, not emotion."MtD

Hmm I'm looking into that. Pot gives me anxiety but my doc wouldn't even prescribe Marinol for me.I'm uninsured and covered with ADAP and Ryan White so I'm not sure if I can see a "specialty" doctor to prescribe me that.I thought you just needed records stating you have HIV or a "mood disorder". I don't know how it all works and it's hard to obtain info online.

Not all strains cause anxiety. I am not sure as to where or how you "sore" but try different strains. There are many that are uplifting, relaxing, and definitely non anxiety. If you score the medicinal quality kind and not swag/majut rubbish then anxiety and any bad effect that bad weed causes will be elliminated.

Question is where to score the quality weed? I hope that you manage to do so.

Logged

Cruise on down the High Way

"When people who are not ready jump in, things can go horribly wrong. For most of us, there is always time to take a deep breath, consider one's options and make a careful, sound decision based on clinical fact, not emotion."MtD

Ding ding!Starting Viramune + Truvada in a week. Wonder if I'll be able to drink again.Now I also wonder if I can start Lamisil for my NASTY NASTY toenail fungus I've had for years. I know that stuff is hard on the liver.

Anyway, wish I didn't have to start it during school...this sucks. Wah wah.

Hmm I'm looking into that. Pot gives me anxiety but my doc wouldn't even prescribe Marinol for me.I'm uninsured and covered with ADAP and Ryan White so I'm not sure if I can see a "specialty" doctor to prescribe me that.I thought you just needed records stating you have HIV or a "mood disorder". I don't know how it all works and it's hard to obtain info online.

I am on Ryan White/ADAP as well..my doc has sent me to Neurologist and specialty docs that have been covered....I have also been sent to Pain Management which was covered as well...I dont know if each state is different or what all is exactly covered though.

Just soz you know I've brushed up here about your combo and the state of things.

PS: You should be able to still take the Lamisil, so go get some. Toe fungus = eeew.

-Me

What?! How is that possible? Lamisil and Sporanox have the same liver warning as Viramune. Or so I thought?P.S. Had half an unusually thick ingrown nail taken out today. Shots in the big toe=not fun.Thanks for the pm.

an advice to you ,i was in a very big depressed when i started ;sustiva,tenofovir ,lamivudine,but i asure you all this will move within a space of time ,but for me take sustiva in a couple of a month bad dreams and others will disappear ok.another thing is pls try to pray to GOD every day you be surely heal in Jesus name.

an advice to you ,i was in a very big depressed when i started ;sustiva,tenofovir ,lamivudine,but i asure you all this will move within a space of time ,but for me take sustiva in a couple of a month bad dreams and others will disappear ok.another thing is pls try to pray to GOD every day you be surely heal in Jesus name.