Philadelphia MFT

Taking the high road is never easy. Learning how to positively respond when someone has been rude, hurtful, or just downright evil is a challenge in itself. But time and time again we hear that we should strive to take the high road in situations that test us in more ways than one. So if taking the high road is so challenging and doesn't bring us the instant gratification of snapping back in the moment; why bother? This topic of the week will focus on the three things that you acquire when you take the high road that will last longer than the satisfaction of any witty quip that you could provide in a moment of fury.

DisciplineIt takes a tremendous amount of patience and discipline to not respond in kind to something or someone that has caused you pain. But the discipline you acquire every time you willfully choose to be peaceful and respectful will benefit you in the future when faced with a similar situation. Discipline will help you to critically think about your conflict and emotions surrounding the conflict.

"Why am I so upset by this?" "Why did this person treat me this way?" "What is the best possible way to handle this?"

The above are just some of the questions you'll teach yourself how to ask and you will be a better person because of it.

PowerYou regain so much power over a situation when you take the high road. It may sound contradicting but responding with respect instead of vitriol takes power away from the attacking person and shows them that they need to rethink the way they treat others. Sure they may continue to attack you in some way shape or form (which is NOT ok by any means) but you can take solace in knowing that you have power and control over yourself & your peace of mind knowing how you reacted. Which in turn will probably drive the other person nuts knowing that you're unbothered and refuse to stoop to their level.

PeaceThe most important aspect in all of this has to be peace. When you take the high road, you really are at peace. You can move peacefully throughout your day because you don't have to worry about retaliation or karma coming to get you because of a negative response. Your peace of mind allows you to see that the other person is human and that their unpleasant responses are because they are hurt or fearful. Your peace of mind frees you from anger and helps you to process how to handle whatever negativity is thrown at you with a clear mind; free from the grips of rash and damaging decisions clouded by anger.

With all that said, the only way to achieve the results of taking the high road is to make a conscious effort to do so every time the opportunity presents itself. You must be deliberate and consistent; choosing to take the high road every time. When you do so you increase your discipline, power, and peace over yourself and the situation. It may be challenging but it's sure as hell worth it.

Affirmations are positive things that you say to encourage and empower yourself. We all have that nagging little voice in the back of our head filling us with doubt and anxiety. But how often do we let the positive voice override it? Affirmations can help make the positive voice grow stronger and louder until the negative one becomes overtaken by the good. Saying positive messages to yourself on a regular basis can help you begin to change your personal outlook and behaviors.

Here are a few affirmations to get you started:

I am an intelligent, creative, successful person.

I am confident in my abilities.

Today I am happy. Tomorrow I will be happy. I will continue to choose happiness every day.

I trust myself and know that my instinct is reliable.

I am grateful for this and every moment that I am given.

Using positive affirmations every day has been shown to make people happier. For more examples of positive affirmations, follow us on Instagram where we send out positive affirmations and quotes every day: @PhiladelphiaMFT

Paula Abdul made “opposites attract” a ubiquitous phrase in the 1980s, and it's probably in some of the earliest science books we use in school. But aside from pop culture and magnets and charges, it something seen in relationships – in and out of the therapy office – every day.

The introvert and the extrovert. The liberal and the conservative. The numbers person and the artistic one. The attraction is there, but the attraction isn't the only holding these relationships together.And on a more serious note, mixed race/culture/religion relationships may have attraction between the partners going for them, but that doesn't mean the resistance from friends and family isn't sometimes stronger.The idea of losing your support group for a relationship can make it seem even more daunting of a challenge. Ultimately the decision is up to partners, how you want your relationship to be. Are the families going to be this involved all the time? How comfortable are each of you with family involvement currently? Is there agreement on what it should look like?A mixed anything relationship isn't always easy – what relationship is? - but you can make it a little less stressful:Find exceptions: Family and friends who have similar experiences, or are supportive of your decision.

Be appreciative: You shouldn't be getting into the relationship to change someone. Make it a point to show your appreciation of the things that make your partner the person you love.Be understanding: You can't accept everything your partner does, but by taking those things away, you are changing the person you are in love with. Be understanding of differences and difficulties.Communicate: It goes without saying that this is important in any relationship, but in a relationship where emotional/family support has been cut off, the ability to feel safe to be open and honest about what is going on can make the relationship that much stronger while other supports develop.Remember, family members sometimes come around, what is happening now may not be forever, but when you bank on other people changing, you can find yourself even more disappointed in the end.If you are having difficulties in your relationship that straddles 2 or more worlds, the therapists at PhiladelphiaMFT are trained in culturally sensitive therapy. Reach out to us.This Topic of the Week was written by Brian Swope, MFT