Another pause. I can feel her mind wondering
what the “catch” might be.

“Oh, anything,” she says. “Let’s pick up some
groceries before we eat, though. The cupboard is way bare.”

“Okay,” I say. “I’ll meet you at Aldi’s at
6:00pm!”

Visions of an impeccable French restaurant swim
in my mind. But, wait, there are no such restaurants within a 30 mile
radius. “We’ll find a place,” I think as I drive the big van to Aldi’s.
“Maybe we could also see a good movie!” I think. I don’t have a clue what is
worth seeing, bit I figure we can stop at the local six-plex movie house
where something might look interesting.

We meet at Aldi’s. Yvonne looks exhausted after
her eight hour stint working at the chiropractor’s office. We enter Aldi’s
Food Store. This store was created with the large family in mind. It has,
hands down, the lowest priced groceries in the known universe.

To keep the prices low, you need to put a
quarter in a slot to get a shopping basket. Never fear, you get it back when
you return the basked to its allotted place. You also need to bring your own
shopping bags or you must buy more at the checkout lane. We are always
prepared for a quick visit and keep our old plastic bags in the trunk of the
car, just in case. And, of course, there is no employee to put the groceries
in those bags. Do-it-yourself, that’s the store motto.

Have you ever seen one of those Shopping Spree
games on TV? If you shop with Yvonne at Aldi’s you need not wait for the
next TV show. A strange gleam emanates from Yvonne’s eyes as she scans the
grocery aisles. She is transformed. One moment a loving wife - the next a
relentless shopping demon. I’m here to tell you that Yvonne really knows her
shopping stuff. No time for chitchat. This is heavy duty business.

I learned that one never buys just one of
anything here. We’re talking staple-shopping, folks. At these incredible
prices you figure you will always need that third jar of mayonnaise, the
fifth jar of peanut butter, the fourth bag of chocolate chips for baking.
And Corn Flakes at $1.25 per big box? Give me a half dozen! Jars, bags and
boxes are flying off the shelves into our basket until it is filled to the
brim. The eight bags of flour sit above the rollers on the bottom. We can
barely push the basket down the last aisle.

It is really bad form to try to bag your
groceries at the checkout counter. Experienced Aldi shoppers know that the
lone checkout person’s time is precious. Woe be to the person who slows her
up. We toss all items quickly back into the basket as they come through the
scanner, then we take them to a designated area to fill up the saved bags. .

In the parking lot, I recommend Arby’s for
dinner. I see a funny look on Yvonne’s face.

“You don’t like Arby’s,” I ask incredulously?
She shakes her head.

“Let’s just get a movie at Blockbuster’s and
make something good at home!” she says. Yvonne’s excitement is contagious.

Blockbuster’s is just a block away but its
parking lot is jammed. Once inside we learn that “Spiderman” was released on
video that very day. Woe is us. Thirty people are waiting patiently in line
to rent that video.

Yvonne says, “Do you really want to wait a
half-hour in line for a movie?” I do not.

I worry, though, that the big exit scanner
device will shrill a siren just to get even with us for not spending any
money. Thankfully, it remains quiet as we exit Blockbuster without a movie.

At home we unpack the groceries, all 14 bags of
them. This takes up the better part of an hour. After that, Yvonne pours
herself a glass of red wine from out of a box and sighs. I grab a beer. We
turn on the tube, sit on our favorite sofa, and watch an episode of 20/20
about yet another wrongful conviction and then an absolutely hilarious show
called ElimiDATE in which the girl dumps all of her four suitors.

Here is my confession. I really did have good
intentions when I called Yvonne for our special date. I wanted to make an
impression on her, to rekindle the romanticism in our lives which often
seems diminished by time. I wanted her to know that she is still the most
beautiful woman in the world, despite the signs of grey hair and the hard
earned laugh (and frown) lines.

Our life together for the last 30 years has had
its ups and downs and it certainly has been interesting. Together we’ve
visited most of the major cities in the U.S. including Las Vegas, San
Francisco, Phoenix and New York where we stayed at a hotel in the Twin
Towers (yes, those towers) in 1993. We’ve seen rock concerts, theater
plays, many art galleries and museums, at least three Chinatowns, camped in
a massive State Park in Missouri, attended many professional sporting
events, talked to state senators and representatives, and seen our children
grow to be responsible adults. We even once dined at a French restaurant
where the food was good but certainly not worth the price.