Archive for the ‘politics’ Category

My plasma began to boil. Wafts of vile hatred simmered and smoked throughout the room. The putrid odor of unadulterated anger, hypocrisy and bigotry stole the oxygen from the air making life an impossible illusion. I had to get out before my head exploded. Or, easier yet, I had to switch the channel. MSNBC and their mob of maniacs had gone over the top months ago. They have infected the media’s sewer system and my plasma TV with such outrageous lies that I have no choice but to sack my humorous banter for a few minutes to tell the truth. So help me God.

“President Trump to be impeached!” was being reported as fact after an ABC reporter declared that Michael Flynn was going to flip to confirm Trump’s collusion with Russia. Only after Joy Behar, Rachael Maddow and their corrupt cronies danced with delight over the news did ABC finally admit it was all a lie. ALTBTL. Another Lie Told By The Left.

Facts by fantasy has so impugned honest journalism that I must do my part to deliver reality to those that haven’t the ability to decipher fact from fiction or apply common sense to every day situations.

“The tax cuts will cut off spending on cancer treatment”. Believe it or not, there are people that actually believe that to be true. They believe it because their manipulators tell them so but, of course, that is as far from the truth as earth is from Pluto. Nobody elected to congress whether DNC or GOP is going to cut the throats of their most active constitutions, the over 50 club.

“Donald Trump hates Jews, Women and immigrants”. Really? His daughter, son-in-law and their children, Donald’s grandchildren, are, news flash, Jewish! Do the Mika Brzezinski’s of the world think he hates them or the faith they follow? Really? And immigrants. His wife, our First Lady, is an immigrant! The controversy is over those that cross the border illegally. The vast majority, Trump agrees, are good, hard working people. It’s the criminals that come over that are at issue. If you were the parent of a child that was killed by a drunk driver that had prior victims south of the border, you might have second thoughts. Letting people in with open arms without checking their records is insane! How can anyone with any humanitarian values disagree with that? Safety, I would hope, would be at the forefront of everyone’s mind when deciding the immigration issue.

“Donald Trump and Judge Roy Moore are sexual deviants”. Words are dangerous to be sure but they are words, not physical objects. What Trump said in a locker room is disgusting but if every man that bragged to another man what he’s done with a woman was a criminal offense, there would be more jails than houses in the USA. Male braggadocio is as old as Neanderthal’s painting their imagined conquests on the walls of caves. Ain’t pretty but it’s totally harmless.

The allegations against Judge Moore are just that, allegations with no proof. In forty years not one woman complained about Moore’s behavior. Only a couple months before an election the Democrat’s deem to be on the hinge of the party’s existence did these women come crawling out of nowhere. That, per any iota of common sense, should be cause for great suspicion.

What is most upsetting to any human being who has even a hint of compassion is the total disregard for the confirmed sexual predators from the left side of the aisle. Bill Clinton had sex with a barely legal girl in the Oval Office and was caught lying about it over and over but the so-called “champions or women;s rights” in the Democrat party go silent as a rock. Senator Al Franken’s deviant behavior is well documented with photographs yet only now is the left calling for his removal. Polling is what drives the liberals, not morality. The majority of Americans that were polled by the DNC showed an inconsequential attitude. They didn’t care that Clinton had sex with a young girl in the oval office so the media and the Democrat party let the pervert flag fly. Today, however, there is anger over the sexual misconduct of John Conyers and Al Franken et al, so they follow the polls and demand them to resign. The hypocrisy couldn’t be more evident within the liberals of this great country but the sheep either don’t care or are too enamored by their esteemed leaders to know their own hearts.

“Trump colluded with Russia!”. That lie began with Hillary Clinton’s refusal to accept reality and has festered to every branch of the Democrat’s army of manipulators. There is hardly an hour on CNN, NBC or MSNBC that their hosts don’t follow the puppet masters that give them talking points to insist Trump and Putin fixed the election. Their damning rhetoric is costing Americans millions of dollars via special councils that we have now learned have liberal biased investigators who have skewed reports and leaks to show collusion. The actual fact is that there was and is collusion in DC but it is in between the FBI and Obama’s Department of Justice. They are the ones that did not investigate Hillary Clinton’s emails that violated federal laws nor the possibility of a private Uranium One deal that put millions into the coffers of the Clinton Foundation that keeps ninety six cents of every dollar “donated” to cover “overhead” costs.

The list of lies and deliberate bias in the media and even in the FBI, for God’s sake, is nearly endless. But, all this talk without one single laugh line is exhausting! I, your devoted Boo Feeder, will be back soon with a Much lighter take on the events that shape our lives.

Our fearless reporter, Boo Feeder, found himself in the belly of the beast this morning on a hunch that The Washington Post was at it again. Boo knows the smell of a rat and that stench was about to knock him over when the door opened to the men’s room. It wasn’t lingering gas from the bowels of the newspaper that violated Feeder’s olfactory, it was the presence of the company itself squeezing its way into the tiled and teak rest room then ran into stall number thirteen. Boo took advantage of the situation to ask The Post some questions about its’ most recent slanderous goings on.

” Post? Can you tell me the source of your claims again Judge Roy Moore? How did you confirm those four decades old allegations?”

“Times? That you?” Came the bellowing voice of Post from the stall reserved for the handicapped. “Times, you SOB! Come in here asking stupid-ass questions like that. Confirm schmofirm! You’re just pissed that we got the scoop. Go back to southeast where you come from, loser!” With that a loud RiiiiiiiiP! belched out followed by a funk from the pits of hell.

Holding my nostrils tight together, I replied “No. This is not The Washington Times. I am Boo Feeder and I was just wondering how you were able to verify the stories you printed alleging Judge Roy Moore had relations with underage girls nearly forty years ago. You certainly double and triple checked facts. I’m wondering how you were able to do that when there were no police reports found to back up the stories.”

“Rachel? That you girl? Oh, sheeee-it no! You that Boo Feeder freefrickinlancer with the cat? Yeah! I know you. Dang, I thought you was a guy! Hey! That thing you wrote on Donna Brazile was damn good. Funny shit that!” This was followed by another Riiiiiiiippppppppp!

Oh good Lord, what am I doing here? To exit the sewage pit, I got right to the point. ” I am most definitely a guy, Post. Holding my nose shut makes me sound like Rachel Mad…” Why waste time with that? I continued with “you claimed that Judge Moore had inappropriate relations with four girls thirty eight years ago. I personally checked on those accusers and, to no surprise, one was a former employee of Hillary Clinton and the others have an unquestioned loyalty to the Democrat party. To further muddy their reputations, all four of their finances have improved drastically in the past couple months. New cars, new homes, vacations to Hawaii. It’s as if they all hit the lottery! And in a way, they did, didn’t they Post? Before you answer, I remember a story by your own Bob Woodward that laid claim that local contractors were all colluding to raise bids and to keep outsiders away. When it was learned that the Post was basing the story on one very incompetent man who was mad because he felt entitled to get the work without bidding, the Post never retracted. Nope. The Post led a grand jury on a fairy dust trail until time took away the public’s interest and millions of their dollars. That’s just one example of how the Post has printed fake news to fit their agenda. There are plenty more, dear Post!”

“Big freaking deal! So what? You know how many papers we sell when we make up the news? And advertising! General Electric, Starbucks, Democrat candidates and the list goes on! When a blockbuster headline comes knocking on the door, why lose time verifying it? You just don’t get it do you Feeler? That’s why you’ll never be a” then a roll of toilet paper came unraveling under the stall’s door. ” Hey Rachel! Kick that back in here, will ya? Come on girl! I got to clean up this mess on me! Damn! GET WITH IT BITCH! The paper, the paper. NOW!”

“Post, why don’t you use your newspaper? There’s no difference between used toilet paper and The Post. Besides, think of all the ads you can print on your filthy ass? I’m sure Northam, Schumer, Pelosi, Clintons and Soros will be happy to cover you with dollar bills to clean up with!” I said with a sarcasm not to be proud of.

Post came storming out of stall bare assed and stinking to low hells. Grabbing for the toilet paper that I “accidentally” kicked out into the hallway, Post fell down and rolled into a throng of onlookers. They gasped in horror as their beloved media giant laid naked in its own waste. One gray haired man said “Oh boy. The old SOB might be down for the count.”

Donna Brazile, a long time Democratic strategist and mouthpiece for everything liberal, has stepped all over her former hero, Hillary Clinton. In her book, Hacks, the 57 year old woman who has been described as “openly lesbian”, laid the equivalent of tar and feathers over the former Secretary of State for rigging the 2016 presidential election. In her book, Ms. Brazile exposed the failures in the DNC that made Donald Trump the 45th president of the United States. To a point, Brazile outed Clinton as the one who rigged the nomination in a way that she, and only she, would be the Democrat Party nominee then go on to a certain victory in November 2016.

We all know how that went.

Lucky for his fans and followers, Boo Feeder was walking past a Starbucks when he saw Donna Brazile at a table. She was there for a book signing with stacks of Hacks but no customers so Boo bolted in to seize the opportunity.

” Miss Brazile! Hope you don’t mind if I ask a couple questions this morning. ” I screeched one of those noisy metal chairs over to her table and sat down before she could say no.

” Who the hell you? Where is my book you want signed? What you want to ask me boy? ” She said while spitting her latte in my eye.

” My name is Boo Feeder. I am a freelance reporter with tens of thous.., er, tens of followers and we all want to know how Hillary Clinton managed to fix the primaries “.

” Lookit here Feeder, I never said Hillary rigged or fixed the damn election! It was the Russians! You take that down real easy boy and you take it down right. I did not get it on with Hillary! She met me before the debate and I talked to her, that’s mighty damn right. Sure, I handed her the question list. So what, white boy? That is my freaking job! Then that damn Wackoff Leaks got my emails. Now that ain’t right! All I got out of all my work for the Democrat Party was fired and a kiss on the cheek from Hillary Damn Clinton! A peck on the cheek! Like I was expecting a little more, right? Maybe a hug? A kiss on the lips? Maybe cop a feel of my big, ample breasts? A peck on the cheek? Damn! I said right there that That’s It! I’m going to put Joe Boy Biden in her place. That dirty bee-atch! Biden says No! Not in this lifetime! He’s afraid of the Clinton’s, especially that Hillary. He says Donna? You know what happens to people that go against her? They have sudden heart attacks! Weird ass accidents! They die Donna! Shit, he’s right. I know for sure! So I write this book you want signed. I got bank for that from you know who! I take it all back though, right? Hillary didn’t “

The woman sitting across from me has lodged so much mocha latte into my eyes by now that I couldn’t bear to hear any more of her slabbering. ” Miss Brazile. Excuse me ma’am. All that is in your book. What I want to know is this, are you going to support Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders in 2020? “

” Is you out your ever racist mind Feeder? I got my own pick for 2020 and it is Not none of them two losers! No! What we need here is hope and change! What we need here is somebody who has Never been in politics in her whole life. Someone to take on that gold-ass bigot and toss his fat ass out on the sidewalks of New York where he Nevah! shoulda left. No sir! We, I mean I, am going to make us a new president! One who knows blacks have been sitting in the back of the bus too damn long. And women! We need representing! Boy, we, I mean I, am going to make her the next president of the United States! “

With that she pointed to a laminated card on her key ring. In the middle of the lamination, surrounded by hearts and roses was the image of a woman that was further smudged with lipstick kisses. I had an idea who her idol was but had to ask.

” Why that is the next POTUS you poor white man! That there is MO! Oh my word, is she she going to straighten you and every other white-ass honky cracker out like chickens on a string! ” At that she pulled a picture of Hillary Clinton out of her bra, threw it on the floor, jumped out of her chair stepping all over Hillary and spinning around the coffee shop chanting ” GO TO HELL HILLARY! WE, I MEAN I, WANT EM-OH, EM-OH, MO TWO OH!”

The Starbuck’s baristas joined the merriment singing ” MO, MO, Mocha Ole! Mocha Ole! We love our mocha ol”. That’s when Donna Brazile threw her chair at the unfortunate singing duo. She screamed ” What the hell you white people know about mocha brown anything? I don’t care about your stupid coffee. Shit, I got better coffee at the Piggly Damn Wiggly! Mocha Ole, what kind of crazy cracker shit it that? I was talking about the one and only EM OH! And she is going to run this whole damn world like it should be done! M-O, MO, MO TWO OH! “

The chanting and throwing of chairs continued until every table, every window, every person in the little store went crashing to the sidewalk outside. I knew at that instant just who her leader was, who Brazile planned on propping up for the 2020 election and I began to shiver. The only hope for all of us is that there will be full exposure on the rigging investigation and the real Russian story. That the Clinton’s and Obama’s will be exposed and MO will never be president of the United States.

While on vacation in Key Largo, Boo Feeder had an impromptu meeting with Florida congresswoman Frederica Wilson. Both were waiting for a table at Snapper’s when Feeder took advantage of the situation. What follows is his account of the bizarre happenstance.

October 20, 2017: While taking in the spectacular oceanfront views, my eyes were quickly averted to a flashing ten gallon cowboy hat bobbing in my peripheral vision. Oh my God! Is that Frederica Wilson under that hat? Yes! I jumped off the bar stool then accidentally on purpose bumped into her.

” Mrs. Wilson? How honored it is to meet with you! Can I ask you a couple quick questions while we wait for our tables?”

” Who is you? You know my name but I don’t know yours. What you want to axed? Hurry boy! Us rock stars don’t get much time between gigs. Quickly! ” she said while readjusting her rhinestone and lights encrusted hat. Above the rim ‘Rock Star Baby!’ was blinking at the pace of 1970’s disco light.

Finding it difficult to keep from laughing, I bit my lip and got right to the point. “My name is Boo Feeder, ma’am. You say you were with Mrs. Johnson when President Trump called. How long have you been friends with her and did you know her son, La David Johnson who made the ultimate sacrifice while on a mission in Niger?”

“Listen up Bob. I been friends with La Meesha Johnstown since I was principal at Skyward School. Her son was a pupil of mine. I know him like that! Me, Mishu and Davey was close, you know?” She touched the brim of her hat and like that! the message changed to ‘RESIST!’ then continued ” Donald Trumpet, he calls her, right? I’m sitting in the car minding my own business when I heard that cracker say “Mrs. Jackson, I’m calling for your boy who got hisself kilt. You knows that, right? Yep. Down there in Africa he went and got put out of action. Forever! I’m just call…”.

That’s when I had to interrupt her lying at the expense of a fallen hero. “Frederica Wilson, you know none of that is true. The Gold Star mother’s name is Myeshia Johnson, not any of the names you gave her. And, her son was never a pupil in your school that you also, strangely misnamed. It was Skyway Elementary and La David Johnson wasn’t even born when you left to work on the school board. By the way, my name is Boo, not Bob.” I wanted to excoriate her for politicizing the death of a soldier but held my breath. It was clear this woman has a loose grip on reality at best.

Wilson’s hat was now not only flashing ‘Wilson For President 2020!’ but it also had Isaac Hayes’ song ‘Theme From Shaft’ vibrating the hidden speakers in the brim of her over sized, over the top, Stetson.

“Okay Bucky. So what? You happy with yourself picking on a poor black woman? I’m 74, soon to be 75 years old and look at me! My husband can’t even keep his hands off me. And Mashika? She got nothing to do with how that Trumper bossman talks about us poor, black people. Why, I ain’t even got two million dollars yet! You feel me? You’d like to I bet! Maybe I wasn’t Exactly WITH Mrs. Johnston when that white bigot bastard called her but I could have been! Just the day before I handed her that envelope from the greatest, number one president of all time, Barack Obama. He was the first black man child president and in 2020 I’m going to be the first black woman president! Even sooner if everything goes as planned! Imagine that Booker! ME! President Rock Star!”

With that Frederica Wilson wiggled and danced her way to table number one. ‘Shaft’ was blasting, her hat was sparkling and her entourage surrounded her with arms folded. One was giving me the evil eye but I paid no attention. It was going on eight p.m. and I was starvingly awaiting a table that would never come.

A server slipped me a note telling me that due to unmentionable circumstances, I was not going to be getting a table. Ever! Seems that when I reminded Rep. Wilson that her husband passed away nearly thirty years ago thus catching her in yet another fabrication, she passed a message on to the owner just ten seconds after we parted. It read “don’t you seat that white racist pig over there with wire rimmed glasses and a blue shirt made by slaves in Mozambique. Sonofabitches name is Big Fubar and if in I ever see him in here again I tell ALL my peeps not to pay you no never mind. And you knows I got a LOT of people!”

So I’m sitting here eating a chili dog from Tom Thumb thinking about what just occurred. As a clown in a Barnum and Bailey tent, Wilson would have been a star act, maybe even a Rock Star. But, as a member of congress that has the power to alter our lives forever, she is one scary cowgirl!

In an exclusive interview with our Boo Feeder, Nancy Pelosi made some interesting observations that we are still trying to unravel. Read the question and answer session to form you own opinion. She was about to enter the Washington National’s stadium to watch the 108th annual Congressional Baseball Game when Feeder caught her in the elevator.

“Mrs. Pelosi, my name is Boo Feeder. Can I ask you a few questions before the game begins?”

“Feeder? Oh why yes of course! Your name ends in a vowel right? I always feel a special connection to our Italian – American heritage! ” She said while flailing her hands inside the tight space of an elevator.

Amazed that Mrs. Pelosi thinks an “r” is a vowel, Boo Feeder smiled then took advantage of the opportunity and continued the interview with ” Mrs. Pelosi, you called for Donald Trump to be impeached on Monday then one day later after the shooting of Steve Scalise said that you pray for Trump to have a successful presidency. Which one is it ma’am?”

“Young man! Why are we not moving? I pushed that button thingy for the penthouse suite and we haven’t left the first freaking floor!” She swung her arms so hard that her right hand hit Boo Feeder in the nose causing his delicate olfactory to spill blood all over his shirt. ” Hey pie-san you’re going to get blood on my Prada purse! You dumb wop! Get me out of here!” This time it was her left hand that she slung into his eye. “And hey pretty boy. What’s your name? Guido? Guido push that god damned button again. The one that has ML on it. Mi Lacasa! My home! Get me there goom-bah!”

Seeing no point to tell her ML was for the Mezzanine Level not whatever this crazy woman who’s now given him a black eye to match his broken nose, Boo went on ” Do you agree that the hateful, violent actions on the left such as mock beheadings and assassinations have ginned up the more mentally unstable citizens like the man who set out to massacre republicans?”

The elevator stopped then Pelosi stormed out screaming ” Where’s my people? Where the hell is my goddamned aide? Antonio, where are you sweetheart?” she kept yelling to crowds of people who kept clear of a woman who would have been best served with a straight-jacket than a Prada handbag.

Feeder, running after her with one hand squeezing his nose and covering his eye with the other looked just as insane as his prey. Then, lucky for him, someone on Pelosi’s staff swept her into a corporate box where he continued the conversation.

“Mrs. Pelosi, please can you tell me whether you blame the pundits, politicians and media for dividing the USA with acts of violence and what can you do to stop the madness?”

“Here boy, use this napkin on your nose. It’s disgusting!” She handed Feeder a Kotex she’d kept in her purse in remembrance of happier days then said “Blame? Oh no, I don’t blame my dear friends Ratchet Madcowe, Dan Crathers or Katy Griffing or anybody. We have to get it on! You know what I’m saying pie-sang? How dare they be so sanctimonkeyous! C’mon Boosh, we got’s business to take care of!” She slurred out then rolled her head backwards demanding someone walking by the opened door “Boy! Get me a damned drink! Vodka on the rocks but not the Russian kind. Leave that for Donald Trump. He drinks Russian vodka you know. I think he should..” Pelosi stopped mid sentence to stand up and run out on to the walkway screaming ” Did you hear that? Some guy on the loudspeaker said ” Sherman shot a bullet down first base line!” then screamed “GET OUTA THIS GOD FORSAKING PLACE! The freaking ass tanks are coming for us with weaponage! ”

Boo Feeder let he go, trying to interview a sober Nancy Pelosi was hard enough. Making sense of Pelosi after she’s had one or seven too many was a task only MSNBC would partake in. He went to the nearest Quick Care to have his injuries patched up then drove home breathing through his mouth and negotiating 495 with one eye, a task almost as dangerous as an interview with Nancy Pelosi.

Boofeeder recently applied to MSNBC for the host position vacated by Corrine Brown ( D-Fla) who was to be filling in for Rev. Al Sharpton while he goes on leave for a sex reassignment operation. Whether his or not is not known at this writing. Nevertheless, ex-congresswoman Brown will be away serving time, er … visiting her constituents at Allenwood Federal Prison for the next dozen or so years. The job opportunity comes at a time when Boofeeder would welcome the extra income to support his ailing cat, Boo.

Which syllable in “impeachment” is emfasized? : Emphasized? That would be on IM-peach-ment

How many eye rolls can you do when the name “Trump” is menshunnned? Mentioned? As many as it takes to get the job

Are you able to shout “Trump Loves Putin!” without spitting? Yes, maybe.

Trump is in Israel now. Give a brief example of how you would begin your report if you were there: Here we are with Trump in Israel which is only 1600 miles from Moscow. That’s less than three hours away from Russia, plenty of time to collude with Putin on how to fix more elections. Russia, Russia, Russia! IMpeach Trump! Russia, Russia. Too damn close to Russia!

Does Miladia Trump speak Russian? Melania? Of course! ALL Trumps speak Russian. They are Russia’s best friends!

How Much Do You Hate Trump? RUSSSSSSSSIA!!!!!!!

May 22, 2017 Update:

Boofeeder was turned down for the following reasons per an email received this morning that reads in part:

Mr. Ms. or Wz. Boofeeder, We are happy to inform you that you will not be working for us. You are clearly too enamored with Trump to fill the chair in our esteemed studio. For one, spelling is Not to be korrected. Words cannot be put in a box, they must be free to be themselves whatever that is. Also, 179 times is all you can manage to say Russia in one minute? Our hosts and guests top our minimum requirement of 225 Russias/Minute. Also, we know you are a liar! 2 polar bears times 12 moons? Really? Everyone knows there will be no more polar bears in 12 moons! Study up on Global Warming and speeding up your Russia spewing skills then get back to us. But! Be quick be cause imPEACHment will be sooner than you thing.

So much for that! Looks like Boofeeder will be selling his watch collection to pay the veterinarian.

The GOP’s elite establishment were so afraid of Donlad Trump going off the rails that they pushed him to sign the equal of a Do Not Compete clause. If Trump wasn’t nominated as the GOP’s candidate for president he promised not to run as a third party candidate. He signed it, no problem. There it is in black and white, the Grand Old Party has bushwhacked The Donald! Not even in a bizzaro world would a circus barker be elected to anything other than maybe mayor of East Haven, Vermont. He’d been had by the best in the business of politics. Put that in your pipe and choke on it Mr. Trumpster!

Ahhh, the best laid plans….and all other pertinent cliché’s have made writing this blog oh too easy. It is Trump who has the last laugh…and all other perti….you get it. He beat them all.

What the GOP establishment didn’t get and likely never will due to a collective ego as expansive as the Milky Way, is that Donald Trump had them hoodwinked. He signed that promissory note to not run as a third party because he IS the third party! He has never been a Republican or a Democrat, he has been and always will be the DMP ( Deal Makers Party ). Trump is possibly the best marketer and self promoter of all time. Strike that. He IS the best!

What we need to question is not whether Trump is a Republican but can he lead the country as a big business rather than as a bureaucracy. It would certainly be nice to have efficiency in big government. One person doing the job as one person rather than twenty people half doing the job of one would be fabulous. A president that knows the value of picking the right person to run a department would be so welcome after the past seven years of accumulating incompetency.

Is Trump the one to build a wall in one half of the country while tearing them down in the other half? Can one person do that will the exigency needed? We’ll soon find out because I, for one, believe that Trump is inevitably the one and only person to compete against Hillary Clinton. This country could not endure another four years of lies, deceit and incompetency.