As promised, and with sheer delight, I am taking up the gauntlet thrown by Jumpingjack. Let us make this puzzle slightly different - in fact, a cross between an adventure and a lateral puzzle.

I expect you to place yourself into Inspector Millet's shoes, and interrogate the three people present in your office (you may ask your subordinate Constable Spike as well) about the case. I am afraid your clever minds would solve the puzzle in no time if you were allowed a classical interrogation with questions like "What did you do yesterday afternoon“, so please ask Yes/No questions as you are used to. Sometimes, however, the interrogated people can be more talkative than that.

In this particular case, I can promise none of the persons involved will be outright lying, but please bear in mind that each of them has his/her own point of view, which may be biased and/or exaggerated, and that they do not necessarily know all the circumstances of the case.

Ready? So off we go:

A sobbing woman with a black eye bursts into your office. She is very upset, and the only thing you are able to make out among her sobs is that her name is Mrs Smith, she lives in a nearby village, and she was coming to report a rape.

As you are trying to calm her down, the telephone on your desk rings. You pick it up, and hear Jimmy Spike's voice: "I’ve just been called to a fight of two men. A certain Mr Smith and Mr Brown. None of them is severely injured, but especially Mr Smith is very violent and needs to be calmed down."

"Bring them over to my office, Constable", you sigh resignedly. "Seems this is going to be another long day," you say to yourself as you are putting down the receiver.

Mrs. Smith: you're the wife or Mr. Smith right? Were you raped? Do you know who did it? Was it Mr. Brown? Did the rapist give you the black eye? Have you told what happened to anyone else? To Mr. Smith? Mr. Smith: Did you attack Mr. Brown? Or did he attack you? Do you know Mr. Brown? If so, are you: colleagues? Friends? Neighbors? Acquaintances? Relatives? Mr. Brown: Do you know Mr. Smith? Mrs. Smith? Did he start the fight? Did you? Do you know what the fight was about? Constable Spike: were they fighting: in Mr. Smith's home? In Mr. Brown's home? On the street? Somewhere else? Do we have any witnesses with relevant information? Did either party say anything significant during the fight or arrest?

Mrs. Smith: you're the wife or Mr. Smith right? Yes, I am Were you raped? Yes...In fact... I thought....The truth is, I don't know Do you know who did it? No Was it Mr. Brown? I told you I don't know Did the rapist give you the black eye? No Have you told what happened to anyone else? Yes, but... To Mr. Smith? Yes, but... /uncontrollable sobbing/Mr. Smith: Did you attack Mr. Brown? Yes, and well he deserved it, the dirty bastard! Or did he attack you? No Do you know Mr. Brown? Of course I do If so, are you: colleagues? Friends? Not anymore, I swear! Neighbors? Yes Acquaintances? Relatives? Mr. Brown: Do you know Mr. Smith? Yes, I do Mrs. Smith? Yes Did he start the fight? Yes, he did Did you? No, God forbid! Do you know what the fight was about? I am afraid I doConstable Spike: were they fighting: in Mr. Smith's home? In Mr. Brown's home? On the street? This Somewhere else? Do we have any witnesses with relevant information? Possibly, I would have to go and ask around the village Did either party say anything significant during the fight or arrest? Mr. Smith was ranting and raving, and he was shouting: "You bloody bastard, I am going to kill you!"

Mrs Smith: You don't know whether or not you were raped? But were you aware of there being a struggle between yourself and another man? Did the person you think may have raped you say anything to you? Is the reason why you don't know who he is because you couldn't see him? Were your eyes covered in some way? Were you unconscious? This possible rape that took place--did it happen today? just before the fight between your husband and Mr Brown? or yesterday? a few days ago? more? Do you get on well with your husband? Did he give you the black eye? Did someone hit you deliberately? or was the black eye the result of an accident? Do you know why Mr Brown and Mr Smith were fighting? Were you present when they were fighting?

Mr Smith: Did you attack Mr Brown because you think he's done something to your wife? Do you know how your wife got her black eye? Did you hit her? Did Mr Brown? someone else?

Mrs Smith: You don't know whether or not you were raped? In fact... I don't... it's so difficult sobs again But were you aware of there being a struggle between yourself and another man? No... Did the person you think may have raped you say anything to you? No Is the reason why you don't know who he is because you couldn't see him? Yes, I couldn't see him properly... Were your eyes covered in some way? No Were you unconscious? No This possible rape that took place--did it happen today Possibly, I am not sure? just before the fight between your husband and Mr Brown? Definitely. or yesterday Possibly, I am not sure? a few days ago? No more? Noooo Do you get on well with your husband? Yes, I love him very much. Did he give you the black eye? Yes, it was him Did someone hit you deliberately? He did do it deliberately, yes or was the black eye the result of an accident? No Do you know why Mr Brown and Mr Smith were fighting? I think I do Were you present when they were fighting? No, I went right here to the police station

Mr Smith: Did you attack Mr Brown because you think he's done something to your wife? You bet! Do you know how your wife got her black eye? Yes Did you hit her? Yes, I did. Did Mr Brown? No someone else? No

Mr. Smith: did you mean to hit your wife? Did you want to hurt her? Do you love your wife? Did you fight Mr. Brown because of something: you saw? Your wife said? Mr. Brown said? Did you see Mr. Brown do something that caused you to attack him?

Mr. Brown: were you attacked because of: something you said? Something you did? Something Mr. Smith only thinks you said or did? Would you have done the same in his place? Were you good friends with Mr. Smith before this? With Mrs. Smith? Did you know Mr. Smith gave Mrs. Smith a black eye? Did you see it happen?

Mr. Smith: did you mean to hit your wife? Yes, I did mean it Did you want to hurt her? You bet! Do you love your wife?Yes, I do love her very much. Did you fight Mr. Brown because of something: you saw? No Your wife said? Yes Mr. Brown said? No Did you see Mr. Brown do something that caused you to attack him? No

Mr. Brown: were you attacked because of: something you said? No Something you did? This Something Mr. Smith only thinks you said or did? No, I really did do it Would you have done the same in his place? Very probably, yes Were you good friends with Mr. Smith before this? Quite so, yes With Mrs. Smith? I do not meet her very often, but we were almost neighbours and we got on quite well Did you know Mr. Smith gave Mrs. Smith a black eye? No, I didn't Did you see it happen? No

Mr. Smith: did you hit your wife because: something she said? Something you saw her do? Something you think she did? Something she did to you? Did she hit you? Hurt you physically? Hurt you in some other way? Do you know she came here to report a rape? Do you know who did it? Do you really want to kill Mr. Brown? Has he committed a crime (the fighting itself notwithstanding)? Against you? Your wife? Is anyone else involved in this besides you, your wife, and Mr. Brown?

Mr. Brown: Did you do something to Mr. Smith? To his wife? His property? Did you mean to do it? Were you pressured to do it? Did you meet Mrs. Smith any time the last couple of days? How about Mr. Smith, not counting the time when you started to fight?

Mr. Smith: did you hit your wife because: something she said? Yes (starts sobbing) Something you saw her do? No Something you think she did? Think? I am sure she did it!!! Something she did to you? Yes (sobs again) Did she hit you? No Hurt you physically? No Hurt you in some other way? Yes - she broke my heart! Do you know she came here to report a rape? No, I did not know it before I saw her here Do you know who did it? Definitely. There's absolutely no doubt.Do you really want to kill Mr. Brown? I reckon so, at the moment. I was mad with rage. Has he committed a crime (the fighting itself notwithstanding)? Of course! Of course it was a crime, wasnt'it? He should be hanged, his bowels should be ripped off... Against you? Yes! Your wife? No (voice choking in sobs)Is anyone else involved in this besides you, your wife, and Mr. Brown? No

Mr. Brown: Did you do something to Mr. Smith? Afraid so To his wife? Um, er... Do I have to answer this? His property? Nothing harmful, I swear. Did you mean to do it? Er... if I knew what it would end up in, I would probably not have done it Were you pressured to do it? No Did you meet Mrs. Smith any time the last couple of days? Yesish, I did How about Mr. Smith, not counting the time when you started to fight? Yes

Mr Smith: Does your wife suffer from any illness or disability that we should be aware of? Not that I know of Do you think there have been sexual relations between your wife and Mr Brown? I am absolutely certain there were (clenches fists)

Mr Brown: Have you had sexual relations with Mrs Smith? I am ashamed to say so, Inspector... but yes, I have.

Mr Brown: were the sexual relations you had with Mrs Smith consensual?

Mr Smith: of what nature were Mr Brown's crimes against you...was it simply adultery with your wife? or something else? If something else, was it theft? physical violence? kidnapping? something else not mentioned here?

Mr Smith: You say you know who raped your wife--was it Mr Brown? Did you know your wife had been raped before you saw her here reporting it? If you did, did she tell you? Did you see it for yourself? Did someone else tell you? Did you hit your wife because she had cheated on you? Did she break your heart by sleeping with Mr Brown, or did she do something else?

Mr Smith: You say you know who raped your wife--was it Mr Brown? I do not think Brown raped my wife Did you know your wife had been raped before you saw her here reporting it? No If you did, did she tell you? Did you see it for yourself? Did someone else tell you? Did you hit your wife because she had cheated on you? Yes - the bitch! And the worst thing is that I still love her! Did she break your heart by sleeping with Mr Brown Yes, or did she do something else? Yes, she said something which really hurt my feelings!

Mr Smith: Hmm...you've told us that you know for sure who raped your wife, that it's not Mr Brown, and that only yourself, Mr Brown and your wife are involved in this puzz--I mean, investigation. [ =) ] Are you suggesting that it was you who raped your wife? Or is there someone else? Your wife seems to be unsure of the time of the rape, the identity of the rapist, and even whether or not she has indeed been raped. Do you have any idea why this might be so? What do you think--do you think she has been the victim of rape? Also, did your wife confess to you verbally that she had been sleeping with Mr Brown? Is this when you gave her the black eye?

Mr Brown: Did you know that Mrs Smith was raped? So far, what we know about you is that you are the lover of Mrs Smith, and when Mr Smith found out, he attacked you. Both of you were then brought here by Constable Spike. Is all this correct? Is there anything more concerning you that we should know about?

Mr Smith: Hmm...you've told us that you know for sure who raped your wife, that it's not Mr Brown, and that only yourself, Mr Brown and your wife are involved in this puzz--I mean, investigation. [ =) ] You do not understand, Inspector - I said I did not think Brown RAPED my wife Are you suggesting that it was you who raped your wife? Of course not! Or is there someone else? No Your wife seems to be unsure of the time of the rape, the identity of the rapist, and even whether or not she has indeed been raped. Do you have any idea why this might be so? Yes - I am pretty certain she was not raped. And as for the time I can tell you this - it was around midnight What do you think--do you think she has been the victim of rape? I've already told you - I am convinced she wasn't Also, did your wife confess to you verbally that she had been sleeping with Mr Brown? No, not explicitly. Is this when you gave her the black eye? I punched her immediately after it dawned on me that she slept with Brown

Mr Brown: Did you know that Mrs Smith was raped? She was not! So far, what we know about you is that you are the lover of Mrs Smith, and when Mr Smith found out, he attacked you. Both of you were then brought here by Constable Spike. Is all this correct? Most of it is, but it would not be just to say I am the lover of Mrs Smith Is there anything more concerning you that we should know about? I do not know what you consider relevant - but feel free to ask any questions you like

Mr Smith: Do you mean midnight last night? Do you think that your wife was sleeping with Mr Brown at this time? You say you are convinced that your wife was not raped--is this because you believe no sex took place, or because you believe it to have been consensual?

Mr Brown: How many times did you sleep with Mrs Smith--just once? twice? more than this? frequently? Did you sleep with her at midnight last night?

Mr Smith: Do you mean midnight last night? Yes Do you think that your wife was sleeping with Mr Brown at this time? Not just think - I am positive about it You say you are convinced that your wife was not raped--is this because you believe no sex took place, or because you believe it to have been consensual? This

Mr Brown: How many times did you sleep with Mrs Smith--just once? Only once, yes twice? more than this? frequently? Did you sleep with her at midnight last night? Yes, I did.

Mr Smith: Do you think your wife is lying, then? Mmm... I have already calmed down a bit, and I must admit she probably isn't. You must think I am an irrational freak, don't you. But I know for certain she slept with Brown.

Mrs Smith: When you were with Mr Brown at midnight, were you awake? Why don't you know if you were raped or not -- is it because you don't remember what happened? Or don't remember whether you consented or not? Did you know you were with Mr Brown? Or did you think he was someone else?

Mrs Smith: When you were with Mr Brown at midnight, were you awake? Only half-awake, I'd say Why don't you know if you were raped or not -- is it because you don't remember what happened? No - I remember it pretty well Or don't remember whether you consented or not? No - I did consent Did you know you were with Mr Brown? No! Or did you think he was someone else? Yes I did indeed

Mr Brown: Were you aware that Mrs Smith thought you were her husband at the time? Yes (hangs head in shame) Did you mean for her to make this mistake? Yes, I am afraid I did Did you sleep with her at her house? Yes in her room? Yes - actually, in their bedroom at yours? No

Mr Smith: Did your wife tell you she had been raped? Did you know that she thought he was you? If you didn't know then, but have just discovered it, would you still say that she had broken your heart? Is it relevant that you were not in your bed at midnight last night?

Mr Brown: Tsk tsk! How did you trick her into thinking you were Mr Smith? Did you cover your face? Dress like him? Talk like him? Did you break into the house?

Mr Smith: Did your wife tell you she had been raped? No Did you know that she thought he was you? Yes, I understood very quickly that she did If you didn't know then, but have just discovered it, would you still say that she had broken your heart? Yes, I am in despair Is it relevant that you were not in your bed at midnight last night? Yes, it is (or can you imagine them doing it in our bed in my presence?)

Mr Brown: Tsk tsk! How did you trick her into thinking you were Mr Smith? Did you cover your face? Not really Dress like him? No Talk like him? No Did you break into the house? No, I did not

Mr Brown: Did you know that Mr Smith would not be in? I was absolutely positive about it Did you draw him away somehow so that he would not come home / come home late that night? No - perhaps I am mean but not as mean as you think Do you know that you are a very bad man? Yes, I do, and I am deeply ashamed - but on the other hand, I must confess I had really a great time

Mrs Smith: Do you know why your husband is in despair, despite knowing that you did not intend to cheat on him? Unfortunately, I suspect it He said that you said something that hurt his feelings--did you mean to hurt him? No - if I knew what I know now, I'd rather bite my tongue off

Mrs Smith: When you first spoke to your husband about this incident, were you already aware that it was not he who slept with you last night? Was it only after he got angry that you realised you had slept with someone else?

Mr Smith: Did anything your wife say suggest that Mr Brown was better in the bedroom than you were? Was more well-endowed?

Mr. Smith: I neglected to wear my glasses today. Is there something physically different between you and Mr. Brown that Mrs. Smith should have easily noticed? Not that I know of. We are about the same stature...

I also have a temporal lobe defect that makes it difficult for me to discriminate between voices. Should Mrs. Smith have been able to tell the two of you apart based on your voice? How should I know... I think she should, I am her husband after all, ain't I? But for sure I can't tell. Why don't you ask the bastard, or my wife?

Mr. Brown: did Mrs. Smith mistake you for her husband, and you decided to play along? Did you go to their home and meet her there? Or did you first meet somewhere else? Did you know Mr. Smith was not at home because of: something Mrs. Smith said? Something Mr. Smith said before leaving? Something he did before leaving? Did you go to meet Mrs. Smith? Or did she come to you? Or did you go to meet Mr. Smith, but found that only Mrs. Smith was home?

Mr. Smith: you were away when this thing happened, were you out of town? At work? Was this absence something you do routinely, or only once/rarely? Did Mr. Brown know you'd be away?

Mrs Smith: When you first spoke to your husband about this incident, were you already aware that it was not he who slept with you last night? No, I thought it was him; otherwise I'd rather bite my tongue off, as I've told you Was it only after he got angry that you realised you had slept with someone else? Exactly so.

Mr Smith: Did anything your wife say suggest that Mr Brown was better in the bedroom than you were? Oh yes indeed! In fact, she woke very happy and told me that I was fantastic and that she had had the best sex in her life. Was more well-endowed? She did not mention that; what she said was quite enough for a man to hear, don't you think, Inspector?

Mr Smith: About the thing your wife said that hurt your feelings...did she say it directly to you? Yes Or did you overhear her saying it to Mr Brown? No

Mrs Smith: When you said the thing that hurt your husband's feelings, did you think you were saying it to your husband? Yes Or to Mr Brown? Of course not!

Mr. Brown: did Mrs. Smith mistake you for her husband, and you decided to play along? Yesish... in fact, to be honest, I initiated it, but then just played along, exactly as you said Did you go to their home and meet her there? Yes Or did you first meet somewhere else? No Did you know Mr. Smith was not at home because of: something Mrs. Smith said? No Something Mr. Smith said before leaving? No Something he did before leaving? No Did you go to meet Mrs. Smith? No Or did she come to you? No Or did you go to meet Mr. Smith, but found that only Mrs. Smith was home? No

Mr. Smith: you were away when this thing happened, were you out of town? No At work? No Was this absence something you do routinely, or only once/rarely? Quite routinely Did Mr. Brown know you'd be away? Of course he did, the bloody bastard!

Please answer Noel and JJ as well. Right away. The problem is, that it sometimes happens that when I answer one post, the ones posted immediately after it take a while to appear on my screen. I thought I was the last one to post, and did not see any reason to re-open the thread.

Mr. Brown: so you went to their home, with the intention of deceiving Mrs. Smith into thinking you were Mr. Smith? Did you intend to sleep with her at that point? Or was it at first intended as a prank? If so, was Mr. Smith in on it?

Mr. Brown: so you went to their home Yes, with the intention of deceiving Mrs. Smith into thinking you were Mr. Smith? No Did you intend to sleep with her at that point? No Or was it at first intended as a prank? No, not really If so, was Mr. Smith in on it? Although he had something in common with it, yes.

Mr. Brown: Did you go to their home at the request or invitation of Mr. Smith? You said you initiated it: do you mean that you initiated the deception that you were Mr. Smith? Intentionally? Did you not intend for Mrs. Smith to discover you in the house? Did you break in? Go in the front door? Go in somewhere else? Mr. Smith: Did you know Mr. Brown was going to your house that night? Had you asked him to do so? Mrs. Smith: Did you have very good reason to believe it was your husband returning home?

Mr. Brown: Did you go to their home at the request or invitation of Mr. Smith? He asked me to go there, yes You said you initiated it: do you mean that you initiated the deception that you were Mr. Smith? Well, sort of, yes Intentionally? Only half-intentionally, to be honest Did you not intend for Mrs. Smith to discover you in the house? At first, no Did you break in? No Go in the front door? This Go in somewhere else? NoMr. Smith: Did you know Mr. Brown was going to your house that night? Yes, I did Had you asked him to do so? Unfortunately, yes - I would kick myself for that nowMrs. Smith: Did you have very good reason to believe it was your husband returning home? Yes - I had no reason to think anything else.

Constable Spike, will you please restrain Mr. Smith so that he refrains from kicking himself? Thanks. Now then...

Mr. Smith: So you asked Mr. Brown to go to your house? And you intended for your wife to be asleep and not discover him? Did you give him a key? Or leave the front door unlocked? Is some sort of fraud or scam involved here? Did you ask him to remove something from your home? Put something there? Was this deception meant to convince someone that your home had been broken into? Or was he helping you with something you couldn't do yourself, because you had to be away? Something you were hiding from your wife? Have you asked Mr. Brown to do this sort of thing before? If so, has he done so?

Constable Spike, will you please restrain Mr. Smith so that he refrains from kicking himself? Of course, Sorr. Right away, Sorr. Thanks. Now then...

Mr. Smith: So you asked Mr. Brown to go to your house? Yes, I did And you intended for your wife to be asleep and not discover him? Exactly so Did you give him a key? Yes. Looks desperate. Attempts to kick himself again, fails to do so. Attempts to kick Constable Spike. Or leave the front door unlocked? NoIs some sort of fraud or scam involved here? No Did you ask him to remove something from your home? Yes Put something there? No Was this deception meant to convince someone that your home had been broken into? No - I might be a stupid cuckold, but am not a criminal, mind ye! Or was he helping you with something you couldn't do yourself Yes, because you had to be away but not exactly because of this? Something you were hiding from your wife? Not exactly hiding, I just thought there was no need for her to know about it. She would nag me over it for weeks. You know women...Have you asked Mr. Brown to do this sort of thing before? No If so, has he done so? And so, no

Mr Smith: Do you own an item that you didn't really want your wife to know about? eg a motorbike? Would she nag you about it because she considers whatever you're doing dangerous? because she thinks it expensive? she thinks it's bad for your health? for hers? You say you had to be away routinely--always for the same reason? Does your wife know that you are frequently away? Does she know the reason for it? Is the item you asked Mr Brown to remove from your house the item that you don't want your wife to see? Had you left it behind in the house by accident? Would you normally take it with you?

Mr Smith: Do you own an item that you didn't really want your wife to know about? No, I can see what you mean but this was not the case eg a motorbike? No... but you bet I'd love to! Would she nag you about it because she considers whatever you're doing dangerous? No, it's not dangerous at all. because she thinks it expensive? The activity itself is for free; however, there are some spendings related to it. She might think I could use the money more reasonably but I think it's not costly and that I have every right in the world to do it. she thinks it's bad for your health? Again, the activity itself is absolutely innocuous, it's what I do besides that can be considered by a wife to be bad for a husband's health. I think, however, she's greatly exaggerating. for hers? No You say you had to be away routinely I said I was away routinely, not that I had to be.--always for the same reason? Yes Does your wife know that you are frequently away? Yes Does she know the reason for it? Yes Is the item you asked Mr Brown to remove from your house the item that you don't want your wife to see? Yes; to be more precise, my wife knows I own the object; I just did not want her to know I needed it. Had you left it behind in the house by accident? No Would you normally take it with you? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't; this time I didn't.

Constable Spike, see if Mr. Smith has cooled down any. Be sure to grab him if he starts kicking again. Now then...Mrs. Smith: Do you know what your husband is talking about? Mr. Smith: You said you needed the object. Were you going to do an activity for which you had to use this object? Is the object: a tool? An instrument? Sports equipment? Is it electric? Is it handheld? Smaller than: a marble? Cellphone? Cat? Suitcase? Backpack? Microwave? Washing machine? Did you have good reason not to bring it with you this time? Was it because you didn't want your wife to know this time? Did she know you needed it other times? Is the thing that's bad for your health: bad in its own right (such as smoking)? Or just risky (like skydiving)? Is it in any way related to your desire to own a motorcycle?

Constable Spike, see if Mr. Smith has cooled down any. Yessorr! Be sure to grab him if he starts kicking again. With pleasure, Sorr! Now then... Mrs. Smith: Do you know what your husband is talking about? I think I do.Mr. Smith: You said you needed the object. Were you going to do an activity for which you had to use this object? Exactly.Is the object: a tool? An instrument? This is closest Sports equipment? Is it electric? No Is it handheld? Yes Smaller than: a marble? Cellphone? Cat? Suitcase? Backpack? Microwave? About this size. Washing machine? Did you have good reason not to bring it with you this time? Not really; I just did not know I would feel like using it? Was it because you didn't want your wife to know this time? No Did she know you needed it other times? YesIs the thing that's bad for your health: bad in its own right (such as smoking)? My wife would say that. Or just risky (like skydiving)No, not even my wife would think it is THAT risky. ? Is it in any way related to your desire to own a motorcycle? No, and I just said the thing about the motorbike because you mentioned it. It is not related to what happened last night whatsoever.

Mr. Brown: Is the object a musical instrument? If not, does it create: sound? Light? Movement? Is it operated by hand? By lung power?

Mr. Smith: Do you use this equipment: alone? Int he presence of a few people? A crowd? Do more then one person use it at a time? Do other people also use the same sort of object together with you? Is the dangerous activity bad for your: lungs? Ears? Eyes? Skin? Bones? Muscles? Stomach? Kidneys? Liver? Is alcohol involved? Smoke? Is it something you do: inside? Outside? In a specific location? Is it physically demanding? Mentally? Animals involved? You didn't know if you might need it, but you left a key with Mr. Brown just in case?

Constable Spike, it seems to me that we have pieced together most of this: Mr. Smith leaves home. He realizes he wants this object, and asks Mr. Brown to retrieve it for him. Mr. Brown locks himself into the Smiths' home, intending to retrieve the object without alerting Mrs. Smith. Presumably he doesn't turn on the lights. However he is discovered by Mrs. Smith, who thinks he is Mr. Smith. Mr. Brown plays along and goes on to sleep with Mrs. Smith. Mr. Brown leaves after Mrs. Smith falls asleep, but before Mr. Smith returns home. Mrs. Smith wakes up happy besides her husband and drops the fateful compliment, he puts two and two together, and in his rage punches her in the face before going out to start beating up Mr. Brown. Does this sound about right to you? Or have I missed something? What do you think Mr. Smith, is this an accurate description of what happened? Contable Spike, do you think there are additional areas of questioning we should pursue now, in addition to the nature of Mr. Smith's equipment and his activity using this equipment?

Mr. Brown: Is the object a musical instrument? Yes If not, does it create: sound? Light? Movement? Is it operated by hand? Yes By lung power? No

Mr. Smith: Do you use this equipment: alone? I can use it alone but it's not half the fun Int he presence of a few people? Yes A crowd? No problem Do more then one person use it at a time? No Do other people also use the same sort of object together with you? Usually not exactly the same object, but they can use different objects made for the same purposeIs the dangerous activity bad for your: lungs? Definitely Ears? Eyes? Skin? Bones? Muscles? Stomach? Possibly Kidneys? Possibly Liver? Definitely Is alcohol involved? Yes Smoke? YesIs it something you do: inside? This Outside? In a specific location? This Is it physically demanding? No; what is sometimes very physically demanding are the mornings after. Mentally? No Animals involved? NoYou didn't know if you might need it, but you left a key with Mr. Brown just in case? No, I just realized I wanted it, and asked Brown to bring it.

Constable Spike, it seems to me that we have pieced together most of this: Mr. Smith leaves home. He realizes he wants this object, and asks Mr. Brown to retrieve it for him. Mr. Brown locks himself into the Smiths' home, intending to retrieve the object without alerting Mrs. Smith. Presumably he doesn't turn on the lights. However he is discovered by Mrs. Smith, who thinks he is Mr. Smith. Mr. Brown plays along and goes on to sleep with Mrs. Smith. Mr. Brown leaves after Mrs. Smith falls asleep, but before Mr. Smith returns home. Mrs. Smith wakes up happy besides her husband and drops the fateful compliment, he puts two and two together, and in his rage punches her in the face before going out to start beating up Mr. Brown. Does this sound about right to you? Yes, Sir, absolutely right. Or have I missed something? I don't think so, Sir. What do you think Mr. Smith, is this an accurate description of what happened? As far as I am concerned, it's spot on.Contable Spike, do you think there are additional areas of questioning we should pursue now, in addition to the nature of Mr. Smith's equipment and his activity using this equipment? No, Sir. I just wonder why Mr. Smith did not bring whatever it was himself. Would you permit me to be admiringly insolent, Sir?

Go ahead, Spike. Mr. Smith: Is the instrument: a guitar? An accordion? Were you out at the pub that night? Or some other place where smoking and drinking is typically enjoyed? Was Mr. Brown with you? Was the reason you asked him to go get you instrument that he: was sober? Didn't smell of smoke? That he had a vehicle? Or that he was at home and so didn't have to travel that far? Mrs. Smith: if your husband had come home at that time of the night, drunk and smelling of smoke, would you have started nagging him about it?

Go ahead, Spike. Thank you, Sir. You are a brilliant old bastard, Sir.Mr. Smith: Is the instrument: a guitar? An accordion? This Were you out at the pub that night? Yes, I was. Or some other place where smoking and drinking is typically enjoyed? Was Mr. Brown with you? That's correct. Was the reason you asked him to go get you instrument that he: was sober? Yes; in fact, I was so smashed at the moment that I couldn't walk. Didn't smell of smoke? No That he had a vehicle? No Or that he was at home and so didn't have to travel that far? NoMrs. Smith: if your husband had come home at that time of the night, drunk and smelling of smoke, would you have started nagging him about it? He does go to the pub from time to time. I am not very happy about it, as you can imagine, but as far as he returns till midnight, I do not make a lot of fuss even if I have to contain myself.

Thank you Spike, I do my best. Seems to me that we have solved our little mystery. Mr. Brown, you and Mr. Smith went to the pub last night. While Mr. Smith got wasted, you stayed away from the alcohol. Are you a teetotaler, or did you just not want to get drunk that night? Not that it really matters. The muse came over Mr. Smith, and since he was in no condition to do so himself, he gave you his home keys and asked you to go retrieve his accordion - stealthily as to not wake his wife. Mrs. Smith - you were not asleep when Mr. Brown entered your house, and thinking that it was your husband returning home both early and sober, you were caught by great feelings of adoration and lust for your man, and took him to bed and made love to him without looking very closely. I imagine it all happened quickly and all in the dark. Mr. Brown: When you realized that you had been discovered, and that Mrs. Smith was all over you thinking you were Mr. Brown, you decided to go along with it and give both her and yourself the night of your life. After Mrs. Smith fell asleep satisfied, you snuck out of the house. Did you go back to the pub with Mr. Smith's accordion? If so, did he ask why you were late, or was he too drunk to notice? Not that it is of much consequence, maybe he had even forgotten that he asked you to get the accordion in the first place. Either way, you Mr. Smith returned home later that night, locked yourself in - with the key you got back from Mr. Brown, or with a spare, found your wife asleep, and fell asleep beside her. What happened the morning after, we already know. Now you three, have I missed anything? If not, I suggest we lock up Mr. Smith on charges of assault, Mr. Brown on charges of rape, and Mrs. Smith on charges of adultery. Constable Spike, will you see to it that the prisoners don't attempt to kill each other, or me for that matter?

Thank you Spike, I do my best. Seems to me that we have solved our little mystery. Mr. Brown, you and Mr. Smith went to the pub last night. While Mr. Smith got wasted, you stayed away from the alcohol. Are you a teetotaler, or did you just not want to get drunk that night? Not that it really matters. The muse came over Mr. Smith, and since he was in no condition to do so himself, he gave you his home keys and asked you to go retrieve his accordion - stealthily as to not wake his wife. Mrs. Smith - you were not asleep when Mr. Brown entered your house, and thinking that it was your husband returning home both early and sober, you were caught by great feelings of adoration and lust for your man, and took him to bed and made love to him without looking very closely. I imagine it all happened quickly and all in the dark. Mr. Brown: When you realized that you had been discovered, and that Mrs. Smith was all over you thinking you were Mr. Brown, you decided to go along with it and give both her and yourself the night of your life. After Mrs. Smith fell asleep satisfied, you snuck out of the house. Did you go back to the pub with Mr. Smith's accordion? If so, did he ask why you were late, or was he too drunk to notice? Not that it is of much consequence, maybe he had even forgotten that he asked you to get the accordion in the first place. Either way, you Mr. Smith returned home later that night, locked yourself in - with the key you got back from Mr. Brown, or with a spare, found your wife asleep, and fell asleep beside her. What happened the morning after, we already know. Now you three, have I missed anything?

Nothing substantial, and there is time for the

***************SPOILER***************

Mr. Smith: That night, I was drinking in the local pub where I use to go now and then. My wife is not quite happy with it but she tolerates it as long as it’s not too often and I do not stay there too long. But this time, there was a very good company, including my pal – actually, my ex-pal – George Brown. I was enjoying myself and did not like the idea of having to go home so early. Around midnight, we felt like singing, and as I am quite a good accordion player, I was asked to bring my accordion and play a few songs. I was aware, however, that I had promised my wife to return before midnight, but on the other hand, I knew she usually goes to bed early and would probably already be fast asleep. I thought that if I am able to sneak in silently enough not to wake her there would be no harm done and I would be able to tell her in the morning that I returned in time. However, as I’ve said, I was so intoxicated that I was not able to walk properly, let alone to act with sufficient stealth not to wake her. I therefore asked George Brown, who was a bit soberer than me, to go to my house and bring me the accordion. I gave him the key and detailed instructions where to find it.

It took him quite a lot of time to return, but he explained that it was very difficult to go around in my house in complete darkness and that he moreover had to act with extreme caution not to wake my wife. I came home about four o’clock. My wife was sleeping, so I went happily to bed and fell asleep almost immediately . In the morning, my wife was very affectionate, kissed me and told me how much great I was when I returned from the pub, and that she had the time of her life. I immediately realized what had happened, I punched her in the eye, and ran out of the house to find Brown and tear him into pieces.

Mr. Brown: As John... that is, Mr.Smith... told you, we were drinking in the pub in a pleasant company. When he sent me to bring him his accordion, he described me how to get it – actually, it was in their bedroom under the bed - and besought me not to wake his wife. I unlocked the door with the key he gave me, and I went to the bedroom. Mrs. Smith was already sound asleep, and while I was trying to dig out the accordion from under the bed, I did not resist the temptation and caressed her bare skin. I was quite drunk myself, y‘know. She was so warm and soft... and when I touched her, she half-awoke and said: “John, darling, you’re already home?“ and embraced me. I must confess that I’ve lost my head. I did not say anything, but I..... well....I profited from the chance.

When all was over, Mrs. Smith fell asleep again, I took my pants and the accordion, and went back to the pub. I sobered a little bit and started to be afraid, but managed to find an excuse for John.

The next morning, John came to find me and nearly killed me.

Mrs. Smith: Yesterday night, John told me that he was going to go to the local pub, but that he would not drink much and would return before midnight. As he went there for the last time almost three weeks ago, I did not say anything, a wife has to be tolerant, hasn’t she, even if she does not approve. I then went to sleep around 10:30 pm, as I usually do. When I woke up, somebody was touching me. Naturally, I thought it was John returning from the pub. We usually sleep with drawn curtains, so there was pitch dark. I was still half-asleep but felt happy that John had kept his promise and returned soon. I had no reason to think the man was not John, although when I look back, there were some inconsistencies .... We then... well, we made love, and I can’t deny I liked it (Sorry, Johnny, darling.) In the morning, I told John how much I loved it, but he, instead of kissing me or something along the line, he punched me right in the eye and ran away. I realized that something was wrong, then remembered the odd details from the previous night, and, as confused as I was, I ran to the police station to report a rape.

If not, I suggest we lock up Mr. Smith on charges of assault, Mr. Brown on charges of rape, and Mrs. Smith on charges of adultery. Constable Spike, will you see to it that the prisoners don't attempt to kill each other, or me for that matter? Of course, Sir.

However, and with your permission, Sir: I think perhaps it would be worth reassessing the adultery charge (as Mrs. Smith was acting in good faith and was not aware she was not having an intercourse with her husband. Moreover, adultery is - unfortunately - not a crime). I dare to suggest we let her go, or she might sue us.

And in relation to Mr Brown, I am not sure whether we can charge him with rape, as the sex was consensual. I would rather suggest, with your permission, to charge him with fraud.

And I am willingly going to lock up Mr. Smith.

Sir, may I express my deep admiration of your skills and intuition. You are a genius! I am very happy to have the opportunity to work with you and to learn from you!