Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Day 690 - All eyes on me

When I speak and no others are speaking and everyone’s eyes are on me, listening, watching. I’m still working on this point. Even generally. Not in a particular scenario or situation, just generally. Self-forgiveness I spoke to myself related to the practical stuff in yes, this is happening, with the attention/eyes being on me whilst this happens, but that is all it is, and I said that it is for connection purposes. Like, we connect through looking, through listening - that’s how we learn and understand.
But I want to go into more detail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is a deeper meaning to eyes being on me/people listening to me, when in reality it’s just a form of connection, of understanding, of learning, as I do with others.

I see, realise and understand that people watching me and having attention directed at me does not alter me in how I speak, how I act, there’s no need for any alterations from myself, the only difference is attention and the forms of eyes on me/ears listening and me speaking, moving, directing. So when and as I see myself in this position when I have attention directed at me in the form of eyes, ears and then I feel hesistant, nervous, scared, worried, I stop and breathe. I see, realise and understand that these emotions come up within me because the situation is different from what I am used to in not being in this situation of attention being directed at me.

I see, realise and understand also it is my own self-judgment of myself in who/what I am as a person, where I believe I am a person that is generally quiet/reserved/not a leader/not a director and more of a backseat person, not one that takes initiative. I see, realise and understand that I’ve allowed these labels of who I believe myself to be, to define me even now, BUT, these labels are not me. I’ve just created them as me, they are but patterns and programs, but because they are patterns and programs, I can change them, I can remove them to be my utmost potential as life.

I commit myself to NOT be quiet, reserved, not a leader, not a director, because I see, realise and understand that being direct, a leader, vocal is very pronounced, people understand best this way, I understand best this way, I get my message across best this way, I take control this way, I take matters into my own hands this way, so I commit myself to work on this in these situations, where I will keep a consistent voice/vocal tone, I will not stutter, I will not ponder, I will not hold back within speaking/moving or generally when I want to speak, I will not shake as per being nervous/anxious.

I commit myself to strengthen myself as life and as my utmost potential through removing these patterns/programs of LIMITATION.

I commit myself to be a director of myself in each and every moment, where I don’t hold back, I don’t refrain, I don’t hesitate - I push forward, I speak up, I deliver strongly, a deliver with a resounding tone/delivery and I step up to the plate/podium and go for it.