Archive for the ‘Social Issues’ Category

This feature is part one of a two-part series centered on the two major political parties in the United States. For The 8 Dumbest Things about the Democratic Party, click here.

Is the Republican party going to be ok?

8. Republicans believe that The War on Drugs can be solved if we throw everyone into prison.

Republicans get to take credit for the first recorded usage of the term “War on Drugs.” It was used by Richard Nixon in 1969 as a way to fire up the base of the party against the counter-culture hippies that despised the Vietnam War.

Thanks to the War on Drugs, our prisons are overfilled. The cost is so high to run some of these prisons that they have to be sold to private companies. The legislature of California actually considered selling San Quentin prison this year because of the terrible financial shape that the state is in.

And drug cartels love the illegality of drugs more than Republicans do. Drug demand in the United States will continue and the cartels increasingly find clever ways of evading the DEA. In fact, cartels are now building semi-submergable vessels that can avoid RADAR and infra-red in Costa Rica. They pack these boats with up to seven tons of cocaine and park it on a deserted beach in the United States. If they can get seven tons of cocaine to the coast of the United States without being detected, they can get seven tons of anything into our country.

Legalize drugs. Pull the rug out from under the black market. Levy taxes on the drugs and use that money to educate kids and help addicts get help. This is exactly what happened during prohibition. Legalizing drugs will help to stop the violence and the kidnappings in Mexico and in the southwest.

7. Republicans demonize higher education.

From discounting professors in their “ivory towers” to laughing in the face of modern economic theory, Republicans love to rally their base on the premise of their shared mediocrity. Ann Coulter believes that American teachers are “inculcating students in the precepts of the Socialist Party of America—as understood by retarded people.” (link)

There are intellectuals in the party, but you’ll find few conservatives that know them by name. For every David Brooks, there is a Carrie Prejean. For every George Will, there is a Joe the Plumber.

This isn’t to say that there are plenty of idiots in the Democratic Party as well. The difference is that Janeane Garafalo doesn’t get microphone time at the Democratic Convention, while Joe the Plumber, a moron, is viewed as some everyman harbinger of truth in the Republican Party. The problem with this outlook is that it eventually permeates into the politicians themselves. The Palin phenomenon. A folksy former sportscaster that bounced around from college to college without any sense of history or moder political theory is voted into the governorship of Alaska. Same thing happened with Michelle Bachmann.

The hard right tarnishes the image of the Republican Party just like the Taliban tarnishes the image of Islam.

6. Republicans believe that corporations are more trustworthy than the government.

Let’s get this out of the way quickly. The government has done some shittythings. Buttheyhavealsodoneplentyofgoodthings. Let’s look at the current financial crisis as a microcosm for the shittyness of government versus the shittyness of corporations.

The government allowed for corporations to create the derivatives market as well as offer subprime mortgages to people that couldn’t afford them. That’s shitty.

The corporations took these allowances and had a field day. Not only did they offer subprimes to the people that couldn’t pay them, but they bundled the mortgages into a security and bet on the outcome of the security.

Johnny thinks Group A of subprime mortgage holders will only pay back 40% of the loan while Philp believes that Group A will pay back 80%. Johnny decides to bet $32,000 on the outcome even though he only has $1,000 in the bank. Philip bets $28,000 even though he only has $900. Group A only pays back 40%. Johnny wins. Now how the fuck is Philip supposed to pay him?

5. Republicans believe that the government doesn’t belong in your pocketbook, but it does belong in your ovaries and in your bedroom.

It seems that every time the Republican party is asked about fiscal policy, the only two words on their lips are “tax cuts.” We’re in a war? We Need Tax Relief. We’re in an economic booming period? More tax cuts. We’re in a recession? Tax cuts, tax cuts, tax cuts.

People used to be offended if one was yellow and one was dark brown.

Republicans believe that the best judge for whether you should carry your child is the federal government. In fact, they believe that your Church should have no say in the matter. They believe that a marriage between gay people somehow infringe on their rights. There are going to be gay people that your children are going to be exposed to whether they are allowed to marry or not. What difference does a certificate matter to you?

4. Republicans believe that the Second Amendment of the Constitution is the only important one.

Not a peep came from the Republican party when George W. Bush all but suspended the Fourth Amendment with the warrantless wiretapping program. Hell, even after he left office and we discovered that John Yoo had readied an additional memo that would have limited the First Amendment, there was no significant backlash at the Drudge Report and Red State.

But when anyone says that you probably shouldn’t be able to carry an assault weapon capable of shooting 30 times in 10 seconds, Republicans go apeshit.

Here is my compromise. You can buy any gun you want. However, that gun is only allowed to fire three bullets before you reload. Gun manufacturers must make it so that a reload takes more than thirty seconds. Military and police guns do not have to follow these regulations.

Many Republicans will say that that inhibits their ability to protect their family in case the government comes to get them. But that’s idiotic. The government has nuclear weapons, genius. If they want a police state, then they’re going to get one. Until then, three shots is all you get.

3. Republicans say they reject big government when they are out of power, but balloon government when they are in power.

I don’t know how much longer Republicans will fall for this nonsense. During the reigns of Reagan, Bush, and W. Bush, government grew on a massive scale. Hell, George W. Bush added the entire Department of Homeland Security. Government spending went through the roof with all three GOP presidents. None of them ever balanced a budget or saw a surplus.

It wasn’t until Bill Clinton balanced the budget late in his second term that many Americans finally realized that “fiscal responsiblity” did not belong on the Republican party platform. Of course, the minute W took office, he squandared the surplus by adding significant tax cuts for the wealthy. Most republicans don’t realize that the government has to PAY for tax cuts. It is a signficant loss in revenue. I’ll allow you to argue supply-side economic theory when a Republican balances the budget. Until then, Bill Clinton’s “socialistic” 3% tax hike for wealthy people balanced it just fine.

2. Republicans have shitty sources.

I don’t give a damn what some politician “believes” about global warming or Evolution. If I want to hear about global warming, I’ll talk to chemists, geologists, and climatologists. If I want to hear about Evolution, I’ll talk to a biological anthropologist or primatologist. There is no “big science” lobby. These people do not get paid anywhere close to the bullshit experts from the oil lobbying firms. They are scientists whose reputation is contingent upon their adherence to the scientific method.

Many, many scientists would like nothing more than to disprove global warming or Evolution. They would be instant celebrities in the scientific world and they would be written about in textbooks for centuries. But that doesn’t happen.

1. The people that vote for Republicans

On April 15, 2009 an estimated 189,000 people across the United States participated in Tax Day Tea Parties. While simultaneously calling for an increase in defense spending, tea partiers were enraged at the 3% increase in taxes for people who make over a quarter of a million dollars a year. Only 5% of working families in the United States will see a tax hike.

But don’t tell that to the teabaggers.

Sure, you get freedom of speech. You just don't get to dictate policy when your guys lost.

If you asked them, taxes were through the roof on everything. Even though the protests were sponsored by Fox News as well as two of the biggest lobbying firms in Washington, the majority of tea-party goers swallowed the kool-aid that this was a grassroots movement.

To be fair, the most vocal people on Fox and CPAC do not represent Republican voters collectively. After all, the most moderate candidate in the Republican primaries John McCain won the 2008 Presidential nomination. I suppose the proof of where the party is headed won’t be known until 2012. If a Jindal, Palin, Romney, or Gingrich is selected, then they’re going in the wrong direction. But if Jon Huntsman Jr. is able to secure the nod, we may see a more reasonable, more intelligent Republican party.

All that and I didn’t even mention getting us into crazy wars, justifying torture, and the annual gay sex scandals.

I can’t even tell you what the fuck North Carolinian congresswoman Virginia Foxx is talking about. If you shut your eyes, you may think that the hate spewed from Foxx’s mouth could only be attributed to someone as dumb as Michelle Bachmann. Here is the video:

The Matthew Shepard bill is named after a very unfortunate incident that happened where a young man was killed. But we know that that young man was killed in the commitment of a robbery, it wasn’t because he was gay. The Hate Crimes bill was named for him, but it’s really a hoax.

Where are the facts to back up your claim? Who is we? You and Fred Phelps? Every major newspaper and the local police department agreed that Matthew Shepard was lured from the bar by two men and then beaten to death. He was not committing a crime.

Foxx’s statement was made while the House was debating a new Hate Crimes bill. Apparently, Matthew Shepard’s mother was in attendance.

I’d like to see a source outside of godhatesfags.com that will corroborate Foxx’s foolish story.

In a 13-10 vote today, the New Hampshire Senate passed legislation that would allow same sex marriage in the state. An amendment was added to the bill that allows clergy members to refuse to marry gay couples.

The storm is coming.

Civil marriages will now be for both opposite sex and same sex couples. Before the bill passed clergy could refuse to marry couples for any variety of reasons. Let’s say I want to get married to a Catholic girl, in a Catholic Church, but refuse to raise my children Catholic. The priest would refuse to marry us. In other words, the additional amendment is just to appease religious types. Clergy have always had that right.

Democratic governor John Lynch still needs to sign the bill, but he’ll get enormous pressure from fellow Democrats to do just that, even if he claims that he “personally believes marriage should be between a man and a woman.”

Congrats to the people of New Hampshire. Now more gay-tolerant than the entire west coast.

A “hacker” allegedly managed to get into city council candidate Nidia Lopez’s Facebook account and sent porn to many of her friends. Lopez immediately apologized to her supporters and blamed her opponent for the incident.

Only 10 supporters so far. Ouch.

Lopez wrote the following on her Facebook wall:

Please be advised that Ms. Lopez’s facebook page was hacked and the videos that you might have received from her facebook page were not sent out by Nidia R. Lopez nor her campaign. … We apologize for these unfortunate circumstances and we are confident that this matter will be corrected very soon. It has become obvious that Nidia’s opposition for the City Council has become desperately worried that Nidia’s message for change and her candidacy has become a serious threat to their efforts. Unfortunately they will stop at nothing to deter her. … Ms. Lopez’s opponents unfortunately want to resort to immature pranks and a smear campaign because they do not possess a platform nor solutions to address the issues facing the Journal Square residents. … please call your family and friends to let them know that our opponents have become desperate and that our commitment to delivering change we can see is strengthened with these types of attacks.

My bet? These “hackers” just guessed her password. It’s like the Sarah Palin email incident last year. If you have an easy password, then you leave yourself at risk.

Don Larsen, a Republican delegate from Springville, Utah, pushed a resolution to the Utah County Republicans titled, “Resolution opposing the Hate America anti-Christian Open Borders cabal.” In the resolution Larsen says that an “invisible government” is feeding money to the Democratic Party so that Christianity will erode and our borders will open. The head of this invisible government is no mere man, but Satan himself.

Barack Obama listens to this guy.

The bill is rife with quotes from the Bible, something that clearly belongs in our government. Larsen stresses the importance of knowing good (Republicans) and evil (Democrats) and that the rift between the two parties fulfills biblical prophecy. Larsen says that “Satan’s ultimate goal is to destroy the family and these people are playing a leading part in it.”

Sane Republicans in Utah narrowly rejected the resolution. Led by David Rodeback, a demon in disguise, Republicans decided that aligning themselves with fundamental Christianity may alienate some voters.

Democratic Representative Lon Burnam of Texas will call for an impeachment vote for Court of Criminal Appeal Chief Justice Sharon Keller. Keller ordered that the court be closed while a death penalty appeal was being prepared.

Michael Richard, in better times.

Burnam said Keller’s “gross neglect of duty and willing disregard for human life” should be grounds for her immediate dismissal from the court. During a September 2007 appeal, the legal team for death row inmate Michael Richard experienced computer problems and asked that the court stay open past the 5pm deadline. Keller refused and Richard was executed at midnight.

This is exactly the kind of excuse you give to a professor when your paper is late. Computer difficulties. But why the hell don’t they just have a 24-hour section of the courthouse? Richard deserves every moment leading up to his execution to prove his innocence. Keller would have been immediately removed from the bench in any other state except Texas.

Many conservatives polled after watching “The Colbert Report” don’t realize that Colbert is making fun of them. I suppose when you hear the same thing spewed from Fox News on a regular basis, it’s hard to tell the difference between real commentary and satire.

The gay storm is coming and Third District Magistrate Francis Honrath says that he will no longer perform marriages in the state of Iowa. Honrath said, “The Supreme Court ruling had something to do with it, but the truth is it’s not just same-sex marriage I had problems with.”

My go-to jpeg for gay storm related stories.

Honrath is a Catholic. The Catholic Church rejects gay marriage and will not soon approve of it, despite priest buggery. But do you know what else the Catholic Church is opposed to? Getting married by a judge rather than a priest. Yes, if Honrath were to marry any couple, and that couple were to have sex, then according to the Catholic Church they have committed adultery because they are not truly married.

A bill that would allow medical marijuana use in the state of New Hampshire has received the green light from the Senate Health and Human Services Committee. The bill will arrive at the full Senate floor next week.

Legalize it.

If it passes, New Hampshire will be the 14th state to legalize medical marijuana. Patients will be able to legally smoke on January 1, 2010. Seems a bit late, eh?

Now we just need to stop federal prosecutors from busting up perfectly legal medical marijuana dispensaries.