Saturday, February 25, 2006

Just warmin' up...

Well, I'm starting to get my energy back, I think....

I still have that "kind of scared to get back up because of the whappage" thing goin' on. But I decided that since I'm not hauling a lot of paint cans and ladders around lately, that walking Gracie is just not enough exercise to keep excess tonnage from creeping onto my bod. Doc said nothing severely strenuous, so I went out and got a "Beginning Mat Work Pilates" DVD.I looked at the picture...it didn't look strenuous. After all, I have done Tai Bo in the past with good success. Good success meaning, like, no heart attack, stroke, or broken bones or anything...

So I get this DVD and decide to start it last night. The minute I hit the floor to do this apparently life-changing exercise, the dog is in my face...sticking her nose in my eye, standing on my hair, then lying down RIGHT behind me as I'm trying to do this rocker thing they're trying desperately to teach me. Okay...dog outta the room....

Then this sugary sweet virtual teacher is talking about the next thing we'll do that defies gravity in this realm, and all I hear is, "blah blah blah....and then YOU can have perky buns like ME!"

I get video exercise tapes and such so I'm not tempted to smack the instructor.

I did not realize that parts of me were supposed to move in grotesquely unnatural ways, and that this would be called exercise. I really don't think that, while on your right side, your left leg is supposed to be bent and placed with flat foot in front of your belly. And this is the beginning tape. At this point in the torture, I couldn't even MOVE my legs and was grateful that I have a yellow lab because they are supposed to be great helper dogs...only I had locked her in another room and I was stranded on the floor, all alone in the house except for Miss Perky Buns.

Apparently this Pilates thing has been around for quite some time. I thought it was new. Maybe that's because no one really talks about it...with good reason. There is also some huge ball you're supposed to use as you progress onto later levels. What do you do, strap yourself onto the ball and roll around because you're paralyzed from muscle strain?? I don't think so. And this Mr. Pilates guy. I think he's dead. That's probably best.

17 comments:

Like it or not it must be time for you to get a Med-Alert. Just press the button with the best hand you have and scream "I've fallen down and I can't get up". The firemen will be there in a matter of minutes to rescue you off the Pilates mat.

This was one of the funniest things I've read in a while. My wife is always doing one of those videos, but fortunately she turns the volume off and listens to CDs. Those leaders are just too damn perky!

And Joe is not a kind person. If I get one more mailing from AARP, I'm going to scream. WE ARE NOT OLD!

Bruce...why didn't I think of that? Listen to CD's instead of those pesky, perky, chicklets?Thanks for the tip!No, we're not old! I haven't received any AARP stuff yet. When I do, is that the time to "hang it all up?":-O

Don't get me wrong...my wife is in good shape. But the ball is like a lot of other exercise stuff we have around here. I'm impressed that she does the DVD at all. But then I'm basically lazy and any exercise impresses me.

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