Open Vs. Closed Relationships: Part II

Closed relationships are more sinister. I lived one for over forty years, finding sex in all the wrong places because my partner was no longer interested in sex but was unwilling to talk about it. Sure, in many instances holding back in the bedroom can spell the end of a relationship, but just as often you are both comfortable with your mutual lifestyles, are already financially intertwined – if you co-own property you’re married – or if you’re the sub in a sugar daddy relationship, ain’t goin’ anywhere.

Unfortunately not setting parameters as in a open relationship can lead to unfounded guilt and justfiable frustration (“He doesn’t want me anymore but won’t talk about an open relationship so what the fuck am l supposed to do? Lead his life? Fuck that!), endless jabby incriminations “How many dicks did you suck in the locker room today?” “Only five, it was a slow day.”), developing a set of white lies to fit the occasion, and sooner or later, knock down battles. That’s the kind of “don’t ask, don’t tell” existence l lived with my ex too long. My single biggest regret is that we did not openly discuss it but went deluding one another. Breaking up, if that was in the cards, might have led me to finding someone more on my wave length.

Take it from me. If you have a partner who is unwilling to talk about sexual matters, maybe it’s time to call it a day. Open relationships are, at the very least, diplomatic.