Dear Jonny, The Craziest Woman?

Some years ago I was in a screaming match with my girlfriend at the time. Our relationship was perpetually volatile, so the fight was nothing new. That is, until she palmed her cell phone, then smiled diabolically while making sure that I could see she was dialing 911.

“What are you doing?,” I asked.

“Putting you in jail for beating me up,” she replied. The statement gave me pause.

“But I haven’t touched you,” I said.

“That’s not what the police will think,” she countered. “You’re big. You have a shaved head and tattoos. And we both know that I’m a damn good liar.” Her psychotic eyes were chunky blue ice. Then she began punching herself, HARD, in the face (Fight Club, anyone?), all the while cackling through her teeth, “YOU did this to me!!!”……

That said, her evil little plan didn’t pan out in the end. Luckily, the walls of our apartment were cheap particle board, and our next-door neighbor overheard her threats and informed the arriving officers of the true nature of the situation. But it very well could have ended much differently. I’ve since moved on to slightly saner women.

“Tall piece of work with a kid” – You just described half the women who stumbled into Wild On (the other 50% were SHORT baby mamas). Lol. And no, the poor girl you’re referring to (a Saint by comparison) wasn’t quick enough for that degree of impromptu insanity. In truth, Aus10, I like to entertain the notion that every relationship I was in and out of between 2003-2009 were all parts of some backward Matrix that doesn’t exist.