I never realized how often I used the words “just” and “only.”
–Mary Pat K.

Adult children [of alcoholics] often live within a framework of shame. One symptom of this is we minimize our achievements, feelings, needs, or opinions. Behind that is our feeling that we aren’t and can’t do anything special. So it figures we would find a way to discount whatever we do.

Two words we use frequently are “just” and “only.” We say things like, “Our house has only two bedrooms” or “I only got a red ribbon at the state fair, and my tomatoes didn’t place” or “I’ll just eat these leftovers for dinner, and you can have the steak.” These are ways of saying, “I don’t count.”

But, of course, we do count. How freeing it is to grow to the place where we say, “I’ve only entered the state fair once and I won a ribbon. I’m proud of myself.” Or, “No, I don’t want the leftovers either. Let’s share the steak.”

We give strength to minimizing attitudes when we use minimizing words. We deserve better.

Today, I will not minimize my achievements or needs. I will give someone an honest opinion about an issue that matters to me.

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty. Copyright 1987, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the Hazelden.