Casey Seiler: President or G-funk rapper?

CASEY SEILER

Published 3:22 pm, Saturday, July 12, 2014

It has been said that the American presidency has never been the same since Arkansas Gov. Bill Clinton gave a saxophone rendition of "Heartbreak Hotel" on Arsenio Hall's talk show in 1992, a performance that prompted much pearl-clutching among that class of pundits who think presidents or executive aspirants ought to walk around as if posing for omnipresent portrait artists.

For a fun reminder that presidents are made of the same stuff of mere mortals, I would direct you to the love letters written by Warren G. Harding to his longtime mistress Carrie Fulton Phillips during their decade-long and thoroughly adulterous relationship.

As reported last week by The New York Times, the letters — written before Harding became president — will be made available to the public at the end of July by the Library of Congress, which received them from Harding's family in 1972 with the stipulation that they wouldn't see the light of day until 2014. (Future generations, raised on the instant gratification-mortification cycle of the digital realm, will never again feel this sort of sweet, paper-based document-dump expectation.)

If Harding's descendents made the deal with the hope that the intervening generations would be kinky enough to make the former president's woo-pitching seem tame, they were only half-right.

Based on the excerpts obtained by a scholar before the letters went under seal, Harding's writing displays an erotic zeal one wouldn't expect from a man who would go on to become one of our least acclaimed presidents. While surely not as technically descriptive as "50 Shades of Grey," the letters offer the spiciest prose ever committed to official U.S. Senate stationery.

But here's something Harding's family couldn't have forseen: The 29th president's relatively low profile in popular memory and the long wait for this material runs the risk that he could be mistaken by a younger generation for another word-slinger who didn't shrink from controversial or even salacious material — the acclaimed Los Angeles hip-hop artist Warren G.

As part of this paper's ongoing efforts to provide facts and education for our community's future leaders, I've prepared a helpful guide to distinguishing the two men from each other on a number of attributes — call it "Know Your Warren Gs":

Harding: During 1920 campaign, was the subject of rumors planted by Democratic opponents that his great-great-grandfather was a West Indian black man. In response to a reporter's question on the matter, Harding said with admirable equanimity, "How do I know? ... One of my ancestors may have jumped the fence."

Warren G: Definitely has African-American ancestors.

Private parts

Harding: In letters to his mistress, he frequently refers to his penis as "Jerry." ("Wish I could take you to Mount Jerry. Wonderful spot.")

Warren G: Served as spokesman for the male enhancement product AffirmXL.