Crossroads

I know there are a handful of people who like what I do. I’m happy to have those people. But the simple fact is almost no one plays my games. The one I’m working on is vastly different from anything else I’ve done… but Raziel was vastly different from the ones that came before it, and it basically got no attention since it couldn’t be readily linked to an issue or cause. (Though a friend did do a Let’s play of it. Thanks, Friend. :)) What I’m working on is even more “just for fun” than Raziel was (and probably less unique in gameplay terms), but it’s going to be an action-y game instead of RPG Maker. The latter might give it a boost; the former might doom it to even greater obscurity, especially without the media connections that would bring people to it. I also hate this feeling I get that I have to make games about IMPORTANT SOCIAL ISSUES for people to think they’re worth mentioning or playing. And I do know it’s possible that what I do just isn’t that special.

Basically, I’m trying to figure out what I want from all this and how much effort is worth it. I have other projects going, too, namely writing–and writing is my first love, something I’d do anyway whether or not anyone sees it. In fact, for some time now, “or not” is mainly what I’ve done. :p Maybe it helps that the results and rewards of writing seem more instant while game development (especially the kind that takes a lot of pre-planning) takes more patience before you get anything useful, especially when you have to learn a new dev tool to get going.

I’m pretty sure I’ll finish the game just to prove to myself that I can. And besides, it’s the kind of game I’d like to play. I just don’t see what difference it makes if it’s next month, next year, or next decade. So I probably won’t be posting much about it for a while.