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Saturday, June 26, 2004

My Amends To My Country

It is good to have a Higher Power in your life because those days are going to come where life is overwhelming. September 11, 2001 was one of those days and I was not sure how I to stay sober through a horror like that—I felt completely numb. I prayed a lot and went to meetings. Obviously I had it easy, I lost no one, had not special attachment to New York. But I am a citizen of the United States. I am a patriot.

After 9/11 though, I screwed up. I thought that after that horror others would share my sense of outrage, particularly our leaders. I knew that that terror attack must have inspired in others the same feeling that was in me: a feeling of shared loss, and shared responsibility to get those who did this, to rebuild, to mourn, to heal. Part of healing is forgiving, not the terrorists, but those fellow US citizens who I disagreed with. I was stupid and naïve.

See, I got on Lisa (my wife’s) case about it. I told her that we had to support our president at this time (really, I did). I told her that George W. Bush could not have foreseen this, that even though he was not the president we would have chosen (and in fact is not an elected president—he lost the election) he was the president we had and we must support him. Right now, I told her (fool that I was), we must be united.

Even up to the war in Iraq I was defending the president. They must know things we don’t know about weapons of mass destruction, I mused. Probably they know about ties to Al-Qaeda that I do not know about. With great reluctance, I went on the record with friends and family as a war supporter. I was unhappy we did not have a real international coalition, frightened that we were not going to listen to our allies or our domestic leaders who warned it would be harder than we thought.

I got taken. I was duped.

Let me get Al-Qaeda out of the way first: they are fanatics and murderers. They must be hunted down one by one. They must be put on public trial and convicted. They must be imprisoned. Because we are only human, we lack the ability to fix them and thus they can never be freed. They must die in prison and then they will meet the Great Creator, whom I call Goddess, and She will be able to heal and fix what is wrong or missing with them. I do not wish them to burn in Hell; I do not see that will do any good at all. I simply want them to have to face our Loving Creatress because I do not know what to do with them. Other humans obviously don’t know what to do with them. But She will.

Now, to discuss the appointed President of the United States: George W. Bush and his cronies. This administration has destroyed the reputation of my country in the eyes of the international community. With a relentlessness that borders on obsession they have pursued the destruction of our civil liberties and our freedoms. Under the direction of George W. Bush they have lied again and again, to the American people, to the United States armed forces, to the international community and as a direct result of those lies our soldiers are dying.

In short, our President, the Vice-President and members of this administration are clearly thieves, liars, murderers, torturers and as a result of these actions, criminals. They should be treated as such.

I have to take responsibility for my actions and I feel deeply that because of my irresponsibility in supporting the Iraq war and an unelected President, I owe my nation an amends. My amends will be to work as hard as I possibly can to get this administration out of office and annihilate the programs and initiatives they have enacted.

This is my amends.

The temptation is to fight this administration using the tactics of this administration. I get so angry, so frustrated, I feel so taken that I am tempted to give in and act like the criminals in office have. It would be easy to lie, to cheat, to steal, to act vindictively and hatefully to achieve my ends, but it would be wrong. To act out of anger, to act out of hate, would be to become one of them.

Got to start with prayer. I must learn to act out of love. I must learn to love even to those I do not like. To those I detest.

I must also be assertive about my beliefs without being rude or confrontational. Lead by example; draw upon all of the skills I have learned to do this.

Good Morning Goddess Brigit, my name is Andy and I am an alcoholic who needs a meeting. I have been kept sober one day at a time since Imbolc 2001. This is by Your grace and Your grace alone. I’d like to take this moment to thank You, my Higher Power, for this my Daily Reprieve. Today is a good day to be SOBER.

Please, Goddess Brigit, be with me today all through the day and help me to stay sober all day long. Show me Your will for me and grant me the power to carry that out. Thy will, not mine be done. Inspire me to act and create in Your name. Be welcome in me and to me, body, heart, mind and soul.