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life in the eyes of an empress .

tornado .

I am tired . being an adult is draining man, bring me back to middle school where my biggest worry was my unibrow and my two gapped teeth.. yes I had a unibrow . I don’t know which parent of mine placed this curse upon my life but I’m glad I learned about threading and waxing *praise breaks*

so I seem to currently be stuck . I’m in a comfortable place in certain aspects of my life and I don’t know if I’m ready to step out of my comfort zone and take a chance . The main reason for that is all the changes that has been going on in my life, like those 0 to 100 type changes … real quick . God is really testing my faith and patience and I’m slipping as of lately , in my opinion . Spending time away from home really gave me time to think, evaluate things and get motivated to change what I didn’t like in my life ; a week or so later and the flame is there but nothing has changed . As my mom always tells me, things will happen is God’s time but this is hard . Living in a generation of go-getters that believe they’re “self made” and that everything they have and have achieved is solely because they worked for it . Now don’t get me wrong, God will bless you but you have to do some of the work but I mean there are people that totally discredit Him . So when I see people just waking up and taking matters into their own hands AND it works out for them it makes me feel like crap because I haven’t been able to do that myself . A lot of the time I’ll catch myself getting upset and flustered and ready to take matters into my own hands and then God just put me right back in my place smh .

ugh this post is so sappy. long story short ITS HARD OUT HERE IN THESE SKREETS .

ohhhh p.s. my job is becoming a major cockblock to my life right now . There have been so many opportunities for me to network that I’ve had to skip out on because I have work . I’m eternally grateful for my job but my gosh I am becoming my job . I can’t wait to be this invested into my career that I love and have been hoping for. I didn’t go to school and study to just stop here .

Speaking of career, PR hmmmm where am I going with this ? Where do I start ? Where am I going ?! *smushes face into pillow* . Every week I begin questioning my future or what stream of PR to get into, what industry… merp ah derp derp . I know I love Public Relations but there’s a lot I need to learn and my problem is I spend my time comparing my lack of experience to some people who work or are trying to start a career in media and how much they’ve done . I need to stop doing it but it’s hard for me . Everyone works at their own pace is easy to say to someone else but to actually accept the fact is difficult .

my mind is all over the place right now. wow . please is excuse me lol . oh btw, I have been consistently trying to stop using “lol” unless I actually mean it and … I guess its helping but it makes me nervous about how people perceive my messages . Ugh thats so annoying about texting . I miss face to face interactions, phone calls or even FaceTime conversations . You can’t misinterpret body language, tone of voice, our volume but you can misinterpret a mood just because someone doesn’t have a “aha” or “lol” to signify that it’s not that serious . *sigh*

Okay enough, let me talk about some good things happening in my life before I wrap this up . Let’s see … I’m currently learning Spanish/brushing up on my French (*pelvic thrust*). I got a huge water bottle that hold 8 glasses of water and have been drinking JUST water since I got back from Texas (*pelvic thrust* I will have an occasional hot chocolate or juice but water is slowly becoming my BFF), and I’ve been reading scripture more often than usual and actually understanding and relating it/applying it to my life (*pelvic thrust*) so yeah, this are great . I’m alive and well, my family is as well and I have a great group of people around me so I know with their support and God’s grace I will get through anything .