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LOVE CAN’T BE PART OF THE EQUATION….

(when your in a toxic relationship).

Please don’t worry. I’m not asking you not to love him. I’m not suggesting for even a moment that you shouldn’t. I know that you do.

I’m only asking that you temporarily set the fact that you love him to the side, so you can explore what’s currently happening in your relationship.

“But I love him,” are the infamous four words that get smart women into a lot of trouble. They’re the words scrolling through your brain anytime you’ve thought about changing; thought about leaving; thought about doing something brave.

Because you know. Secretly, you know…

You know something is wrong.

You’re walking on eggshells, afraid of saying the wrong thing. Constantly worrying about everything you say and do. And self doubt? you wonder who you’ve become?

You’ve always been so strong, so smart, so confident, and yet, in this one area—this one crazy making area—here you are, questioning yourself and your relationship and every decision you ever made.

When he tells you you’re being too sensitive, you wonder: is he right? Are you the crazy one?

You know something is wrong.

The way you find yourself preoccupied by his actions; questioning and second guessing yourself; wondering what he’ll do or say next; feeling like you’ve got to be on high-alert, all the time.

You know something is wrong.

The way you’ve ignored your own instincts; either convinced yourself that its too hard to let him go; or that it would be easier to just take him back; dismissed your own pain and agony and torment; told yourself that “you don’t care” and “you’re over it.” (Oooh, I recognize that hurt—don’t think I don’t.) You might love him, but here’s the thing:

JUST FOR NOW, LOVE DOESN’T GET TO BE PART OF THE EQUATION.

And just like the alcoholic loves her booze, the addict loves her high, and the emotional eater loves her chocolate or fries, we’ve all loved things that aren’t good for us — but that doesn’t mean they’re serving us well.

That isn’t to say you need to act on it, right this second. That isn’t to say you need to leave him, right now (or ever); or make any firm decisions, just yet, or turn your world upside down, right this instant.

But you do have to make a commitment to trust your gut.

And if you can’t do that yet, that’s okay—you can borrow mine for a while. Because you may love him, but that’s not what this is about anymore. Because loving someone that is no longer good for you isn’t saving you: it’s drowning you.

Hi, I’m Meg. I run expert advocate workshops, in person and online group classes, and private 1:1 sessions exclusively for women who suspect they might be in a toxic relationship—and need a safe sounding board.

Whether you’re in a relationship now (and spinning), or you’ve recently separated (and you’re still spinning), I’ve got something I want you to read. Choose the option below that best describes you: