Running With The Herd Isn’t Worth It

by admin on June 3, 2014

This happened to me back when I was in high school. I was waiting for the school bus one morning, and it was raining. Getting on the bus was always a pain in the neck, because everyone tried to get on first. It was only worse when it was raining. On this particular day, I tried to get on the bus when it was my turn, only to be pushed aside. I tried to get on after that, but somebody actually held me back to allow some other girl to get on, because she said she was wearing velvet boots. I don’t think the bus driver noticed, and I didn’t say anything after that, because I felt it would have been a case of “he said, she said,” which wouldn’t have gone anywhere after that, but still, I thought that was downright rude. 0530-14

This is one of those situations in life where I personally wouldn’t sweat the small stuff. I wouldn’t want to be associated with the cattle mooing and pushing to be first through the bus chute and would have held back in the rear until everyone clawed their way onto the bus. It’s just not worth my time and sanity to try and run with the rude people.

I had am similar situation, when I was in seventh grade. I was rather small for my age, also rather timid. And since our middle and high schools were combined, I was constantly surrounded by mostly larger and rather intimidating students. One day (and pouring rain for me too) as we were getting on the bus to go home, one of the high schoolers shoved rather roughly past me to get on first. However in my case, one of the high school girls spoke up and yelled to him, “hey, that was pretty f***ring rude.” OK, so she didn’t choose the best language, but at least she spoke up! I didn’t even know her.

Speaking as someone who had to take the bus for most of high school, I understand how you feel and quite frankly I’m surprised that this was an isolated incident! People at my school would always push, shove, and elbow each other in order to be the first onto the bus so they’d be guaranteed a seat. (It was a public bus, not a school bus, so some people often ended up having to stand.) I was a small, quiet, non-confrontational high schooler, so I usually just stood back until the crowd thinned a bit and therefore usually didn’t get to sit down for most of the ride. And God forbid I’d spend more than a second or two paying the driver or the other passengers would start yelling at me to move it along. It was extremely annoying–why do people feel like being rude entitles them to better service? It should be the opposite.

(I do agree with the Admin, though. As aggravating as it was, it’s in the past now and it was only a few minutes out of my day–it’s not like it ruined high school for me or anything.)

Ah, “special snowflake syndrome”. At my daughter’s holiday concert, there was a girl who didn’t WANT to stand on the second step! Who didn’t WANT to stand in the middle of the group, lined up by height….because HER parents spent alot of money on her concert outfit, and no one in the audience will see it if she is in the middle of the group!!! Uhhh, everyone else is dressed in their holiday finest too, Sunshine, what makes you more special than everyone else?!?

Devil’s advocate–maybe the “expensive concert outfit” was a cover-up for something else. When I was in university, I sang in the choir, and I always had to stand on the end of the row; preferably in the front (so, not on the bleachers), because I have issues with claustrophobia, panic attacks, and general anxiety. Now, as an adult, I was able to tell this to the people in charge of the choir, but a kid in elementary school might not be able to do that; either out of embarrassment, or simply not being able to put the problem in words. If it really was just about the outfit, then yeah, she was being snowflakey, but I can’t help but think it might have been more than that.

That is a possibility I admit didn’t occur to me, and its a valid point. However, this girl for being all of ten years old, does this sort of thing alot, according to my daughter. If someone mentions they got a bike yesterday, hers is bigger/better/cost more. One of my daughter’s friends, who is being raised by a single mom, and money is tight, was so happy and proud returning from the holiday break that her mom had gotten her a beautiful sweater she had wanted for Christmas. She was proudly showing my daughter the sweater, and this girl came over, laughed and said “Oh my God! Where did you get that ugly sweater?!? Kmart???” This girl was heartbroken and began to cry.

Yes, sadly, she is. I hate to think what will happen as my daughter gets older.
If the girls are this mean now, I’d better make sure my girl has a thick skin!

InTheEtherJune 9, 2014 at 3:50 pm

This just reminds me of a girl I vaguely knew way back in middle school. The way the school system was set up was that in the morning the buses collected all the elementary, middle, and high school students for an area at once, then dropped them off at each school in turn. This meant that for at least the bus I took in the mornings we were squeezed in there like sardines. There WERE going to be three people to a bench even if the isle person was half in the isle.

The girl in question was some tiny kindergarden kid who was bound and determined that she was going to sit all by her self. I got on, along with a couple of friends, near the end of the rout so most of the bus was full by that point, and two of us would almost always sit on her bench since it was literally the ONLY bench with plenty of space. She always tried to say that we couldn’t, and would try to block it off with her backpack, but we’d shuffle in anyway. Next would be about 15-20 minutes of her continuing to tell us that we couldn’t sit there and making vague threats as to what her daddy would do to us. Once it was clear that we were ignoring her she would either sull and stare out the window, occasionally throwing remarks over her shoulder, or move herself elsewhere. The 2nd was always preferable as we could then wave the 3rd friend who hadn’t sat on the bench over (being friends we didn’t mind squeezing together hip-to-hip) and it was always hilarious to see her flounce off like she fully expected to find an empty bench where she could be by herself.

As an adult, bus stops confuse me. While in elementary school, high school, and university, everyone lined up to get on the bus and patiently waited their turn. Now as an adult, I wait until everyone is done boarding because of how many times I have been physically shoved through the doors or knocked down. How is it that children have a better sense of civility than adults with this particular aspect of life?

I ride the commuter bus to work and it is understood that you line up according to your order of arrival at the bus stop. Assuming that the girl arrived at the bus stop after you, yes this was rude and I don’t think you are obligated to sacrifice your place in line because she was not wise enough to realize that one shouldn’t wear velvet boots on a rainy day.

I’ve taken busses to work before, and which bus I take depends on my own circumstances that day. I’ve noticed a difference between crowds. On one express bus, that is almost entirely the same commuters at the same time, it’s very polite. On another express bus, with a more varied crowd, people more or less line up as you describe. But on the local route? Free for all. I have no explanation.

Yes I’ve noticed that too (you don’t live in the Washington DC area do you?). One factor that may impact that is that the local buses may have a steady crowd throughout the day and less chance of not getting a seat. My office building is a major hub for the bus and the seats fill up.

I think it must depend on where you are. I live in a large city, but rarely see any bad behaviour at bus stops. Everyone lines up at the stop and then boards in an orderly fashion when the bus arrives. I almost never see any shoving or line-cutting, even in bad weather. Then again, this is Canada ;-).

This situation is mostly “let it go,” except for the part where another person actually held OP back by the arms. Being touched by a stranger is something I really, really hate, and probably would not have responded well at all. I don’t know why people think this is ok. I seriously had a retail employee rub my back while I was shopping, in a sort of “let’s be girlfriends and talk about clothes!” style that made me want to smack her one.

Other than getting wet, let the shovers shove their way on. I assume the bus had adequate seating; if OP got on there would be a seat. This is a pick your fight, and this one isn’t worth fighting.

I was on a rare fieldtrip in Jr High, where we went to all these outdoor sites one day and everyone would pile on and FIGHT to get this seat or that; I stood there with the chaperones at the second cattle loading and watched; they looked at me and I said, I still have to get on there and I know there’s enough seating as I got TO here… one of the chaperones let me sit with them. Next stop they stood there at the door and let people on ONE at a time to try to cut the frenzy… the one after that they assigned seats alphabetically. Tough bounce, that’s who you got to sit with. (with 5 more loads to go it was tired after the first one…)

This reminds me of a time my parents and I were flying back from Oregon to NJ, after Christmas. Our flight was delayed, due to fog, and we finally were put on a flight (red eye) from a different airport, several hours away, and told we’d be bussed there. So all the passengers go out, and everyone was pushing and shoving to get on the first bus (there were two or three). My parents and I, along with a small group waited. Well, when that bus was full, we then got on the second one, and there were maybe 15 people on the whole thing! which meant we each had our own row, and weren’t crammed in like sardines!

We don’t know how long ago high school was for the OP. Could have been last year, could have been 20 years ago.

What happened could have been part of a larger situation where the OP was bullied and this was one incident among many, or the OP could simply have remembered something she thought appropriate to share with us.

I’ve been out of high school for a long time and I still remember some of the bad and some of the good that happened back then. Remembering doesn’t mean I’m ‘carrying it around’ like some sort of emotional baggage.

That’s why I hate busses… well, not busses really, but a lot of the people who use them.

The OP’s story reminds me of an incident a couple of years ago. I was standing at the bus stop with a friend on a Sunday afternoon, waiting for the next bus. We had deliberately come to the bus stop 20 minutes in advance, as on Sunday there is only one bus every hour, which is why they tended to be rather crowded. However, for the first 10 minutes, we were the only people waiting at the stop, with 2 teenage girls joining us after that.

Then, a couple of minutes before the bus was due, a very large group of pensioners (about 40 men and women) came walking up to the bus stop. They had obviously been on an outing together, as they all seemed to know each other. When the bus arrived, they all rushed towards the bus door like possessed, pushing my friend and me out of the way (with some of them grumbling something about them being older and therefore having the right to board the bus first)… In the end, my friend managed to squeeze in between two of the ladies and managed to get on board. Then, just when it was finally my turn, with only the 2 teenage girls still waiting behind me, the bus driver decided it was time to depart, so he shut the door in my face and drove off, with my friend frantically trying to make him stop to let me (and the 2 teenage girls) in. This only resulted in the bus driver stopping half a mile down the road and ‘allowing’ my friend get off the bus to rejoin me in waiting an hour for the next bus to arrive. This meant we also missed our train connection, which meant we finally arrived home three hours later than planned… all thanks to ‘the cattle’.

Now *that* is a problem with the bus driver as well as the rude pensioners. Unless the bus was bursting at capacity, including all the standing room, he should have waited until everyone boarded. And he should have made some attempts to free up some room if it was overful, but asking passengers to move to the rear and use every available seat to allow others to board. After all, we’re only talking three people. He could have skipped the next pick-ups if it was that crowded – it would better to skip an entire stop rather than pick up all but three at one stop.

If the friend had stood on the bus steps or in front of the white stand line up there, the driver would have to stop. It’s law. If they DON’T, in this day and age just take a picture with your phone and turn it in. That driver would at best have a major demerit in their record, and at worst, firing.

I ran for a bus once, as it was pulling up, tripped on the sidewalk on the far side of the bus shelter, and dropped my briefcase and glasses where I tripped, flew through the air and bounced off the shelter (getting a whole hand sized bruise on my left hip) and broke the fall with some old martial arts training (instinct) so my head didn’t hit the pavement. I got up, realized I was okay, and retrieved the briefcase and glasses. The others on the bus, some seated, had seen me trip, were totally AMAZED I got up, and they had put a ‘master driver’ on that route and NO HE WAS NOT GOING TO WAIT 15 feet for me to get there. So someone stood on the bus steps. Infuriating the driver, but he had to wait. The person let me on, and he was going to order me off the bus… and realized he had a full bus that was willing to fight for me. I flashed my pass and sat, and the others told me about it. Thankfully that wasn’t my regular time or route, and I didn’t see that driver again. (and he managed to herd that bus like a cattlecar and got back on his precious timing schedule)

Yes, that was rude. I would have been upset that someone presumed to put their hands on me and I probably would have said “Get off me!” or “Stop touching me!”.

Back xx years ago when I was in high school, the bus picked you up at your driveway, so I never had that exact experience but I did experience the rushing to get on the bus when I was in Atlanta using public transportation. I tried to keep my cool but a few times I did have to raise my voice when people got a little too rough.

Yup, downright rude. But I agree with Admin, totally not worth the fight. Especially with the high school crowd. If you’re on the outs enough that someone will hold you back for a special snowflake’s velvet boots, then pushing through and holding your own will likely backfire into some sort of bullying. Not that there’s anything wrong with holding your own; just be prepared for likely consequences.

I’m just sort of astounded people are pushing to get on the school bus. What a change from when I was in high school (and dinosaurs roamed the earth), when the kids would hold back as long as they possibly could.

I think it depends on the bus, and dynamics. When I was getting a bus to school, we used the regular service bus. At my stop, there would only be 2-3 of us getting on. On the trip back, everyone got on at the same stop, and there were often more people than seats, so people did push to get on because being at the back of the queue meant you’d be standing. At one time, the bus company starting randomly butting half sized buses on that route which meant that people were left behind as the bus was full. Which was a big deal, as the buses only ran once an hour. (that stopped after the day in late November when the people left behind were me (because I wouldn’t push) and about 6 11 year olds. It was dark, freezing cold, and there was no shelter. Also, this was before mobile phones were common.

I marched them all down to the bus station and read the bus company the riot act. They found another bus for us and after that they stopped putting the half-sized buses on that route at that time.

When I was getting buses regularly as a young adult I did notice that a lot of older people would ignore children or teenagers who were queueing and would just walk past them to the jump the queue. I did ocassionally (very politely) point out the back of the queue and while people would generally go to the end of the queue when it was pointed out I don’t ever recall any of them apologising to me or to the the young people. As an adult, I have in similar circumstances found that people usually apologize. It’s one of those things I am reminded of when I see/hear people complaining about how the youth of today lack manners.

Things that happen to you when you are young make a far greater impression than when you are older and more aware of the way people are. All those lovely childhood stories you read have happy endings, but, as you mature, you realize that happy endings are not the rule of life.
Being physically restrained is assault. No one, but no one, has the right to grab you unless you are about to walk in front of a coming vehicle. Remember the lady who got upset in a restaurant when the owner grabbed her by the neck from behind? Even as an adult, being grabbed is upsetting.
I, too, have been grabbed. I didn’t scream; I used my most authoritarian voice and demanded, “Get your hands off of me!” I then reported the person who grabbed me to her boss.

Green123’s comment made me laugh. At least, OP, you apparently weren’t bullied on the bus. Let Velvet Boots girl get on, and hope that when the bus stops there’s a largish puddle riiiiiight outside the door as she disembarks. Karma and all that.

On the one hand I don’t think that bus drivers should have to police the conduct of anyone who is old enough to board a bus. Yet on the other- affecting an oblivious mien when observing bad conduct contributes to the problem. MORE people should speak up and resist the rude, not fewer. Speaking up in the moment may be futile- but complaining later to the company from a customer service standpoint is fair. In the case of school buses and bad conduct- several substantiated complaints should lead to a ban! It’s NOT okay to grab someone and the OP had every right to object stridently, if she chose. And the bus driver should certainly have intervened if he observed it- down to making Miss Muffett exit the bus and go to the end of the line. I wonder if we don’t inadvertently contribute to the perpetuation of rudeness by failing to register a complaint in the moment. In the case of mauling crowds, “Ow! Please DON”T step on me! (push me, shove me, grab me) and even “WHAT are you doing?!” can be used. We are perhaps too inclined to avoid these options for fear of causing a scene and becoming embarrassed or the target of further ill treatment. It’s incumbent on each of us, however, to politely assert ourselves in order to contribute to the public decorum and peace.

The cattle mentality never fails to amaze me. The pushing and shoving in the OP and responses reminds me of when I was in 9th grade. A pep rally at the end of the day was dismissed and everyone rushed to the buses. Not like there wasn’t enough seats and the buses were leaving immediately. In that zeal and despite trying to stay on the side and out of the way, I got knocked to the ground. And I was unable to get up because everyone was so in a hurry that they kept running over me. I got stepped on and kicked in the face. I was so stunned after the crowd had lessen that I could barely get up. I couldn’t even get on my bus because I could barely move and barely see since someone had also stepped on my glasses. My mom had to be called and the school nurse had the nerve to say to me why didn’t you get up even though she saw the multiple footprints on the back of my jacket. She also said you should have just got on the bus so she wouldn’t have to stay late. To this day, I am very nervous in big crowds at arenas/events.

No one even stopped to help you, but they ran over you and kicked you in the face? What brats. There is no excuse for that. The nurse is also rude. Like you purposely tripped, fell, and allowed yourself to get stomped on just to make her stay late.

There is no excuse for getting trampled for a PEP BUS of all things. Raging fire and the roof falling in, maybe. The nurse had no class at all over that, if I’d been your mom I’d have had more than a few pieces of my mind to hand out.

Agreed – lots of brats. I’d like to think that today this might not be tolerated by school officials. I’m going to date myself but this was 1978 or as my daughter would say, in the days of the dinosaurs. Mentality back then for everything from this to bullying was suck it up.

In the grand scope of things, pushing to the front will not get you ahead.
I worked on a job recently with 150 people who needed to be bussed back to their cars at the end of the day. There was one bus, so it required three trips to transport everyone. The first time the bus pulled up, there was a major rush with pushing and shoving involved. Then, all of those folks who didn’t make it on that bus remained standing in line until the bus returned for the second trip. My friends and I, being older, tired and not motivated to compete for seats, decided to remain seated and just wait patiently for the third bus trip. As a result, we were in the final group to be checked out and because of the extra time it took, we made a half hour of overtime that the previous buses didn’t.

No wonder there are so many tragic accidents on ‘Black Friday’ (largest shopping day of the year, the day after Thanksgiving in America), this sense of entitlement is rooted at an early age. Where are people’s manners?

Where are people’s manners on Black Friday? Well, some of them are at home, ordering things on the Internet instead of shoving through crowds, and others are at the stores, but not pushing and shoving…..so, the polite people kind of fade into the crowd of rude, violent people. It’s not fair, but to the casual observer, they’d see “a crowd of rude people,” when the truth would be closer to “a crowd of people, some rude, some not, but the rude people are the ones you notice, because they’re physically assaulting one another to get to the plasma screen TV’s.”

My pet peeve on busses/trains is when younger healthier passengers don’t offer their seats to elderly/disabled people. When I was in Germany in my early 20’s I would always give my seat up, but it seemed like most people would let a 70-80 year old lady stand.

I agree with your sentiment and personally I do give my seat for the very elderly if there is no other seats left. However, being young does not always mean healthy, and you cannot see how the situation is only by looking. For example my friend, bright and positive young lady in her thirties, both knees and back are operated and at before that caused her much pain. But this is not something you actually see.

To be fair, you can’t always tell if someone’s doing it to be rude or they actually need the seat. I look completely normal but I have serious back pain and sometimes it’s hard for me to stand, especially on a bus that may run over cracks in the road, stop suddenly, etc. (Sometimes it actually hurts to sit in the bus seats — you should see the looks I get when I’m standing on an almost-empty bus. Yes, I know there’s plenty of seats, now kindly MYOB.) Since it’s not like parking where it’s obvious who needs the seat and who doesn’t, I try to give people in this situation the benefit of the doubt.

I think one of the problems is that not every older person thinks of themself as old, or in need of a seat, and not all of them are polite about it.

Also, particularly on crowded/busy public transport, I think people tend to be avoiding eye-contact / trying to stay out of each others space, and not really paying much attention to others.
Add to that that not every younger person is necessarily healthy or able to stand.

That said, I think there are still a lot of people who do offer their seats. I was in London with my paretns recently. My parents are both in their late 60s and while they are both fit and healthy they do have grey hair and are obviously not in the first flush of youth. On every tube we used, where there were no seats available, someone offered my mum a seat. It was often young men who seemed to be in their late teens / early 20s. In several cases they actually stood up and moved down the carriage even after she had said @thank you, but I’m OK’ so they were making it easier for someone to use the seat even if they declined out of politeness when it was first offered. As my mum said (afterwardss, and in private) it made her feel that she must look dreadfully decrepit, but it was a very nice gesture.

As a woman, I find that older men will often refuse if I get up and offer them my seat – presumably on the basis that for them, a gentleman giving up his seat so a lady can sit takes precedence over a younger person standing so an older one can sit.

I have no problem being last if it means I don’t get trampled by cattle.

Plus sometimes if you are last, you have the best spot in the house to see any sort of punishment doled out to anyone who might have broken a rule by acting like cattle. At a convention last summer I made it a point to be at the doors in time to see/hear the opening speeches, but hung back because I didn’t want to get trampled being the first in. It ultimately put me in the perfect position to see three guys get forcibly removed from the entire duration of the convention for line jumping at one of the booths. Literally a half hour into a four day convention, these guys got themselves kicked out of the whole thing with no refunds, because they insisted on acting like cattle and breaking rules.

Uh. When I was in 5th grade a younger boy shoved in front of me yo board the bus. I said, “Hey! No budging!” He turned around and punched me in the gut. I never protested that kind of thing again, until I was an adult.

Yes, I’ve seen that too. The school kids crowd around the bus and push in.
One day, we had a great bus driver who was a Cockney. He told the kids in a loud voice to stand back and ‘let the lady on first’ (me). I got on, thanked the kids and the driver both.
BTW, what kind of an idiot would wear velvet boots when it’s raining?

I caught a bus to school for a long time and then later a bus to work. I hate buses. People are incredibly rude. I’ve fainted on a bus and had people step over me to get off at the next stop (I then pulled myself off the bus and collapsed at the bus stop, not one person stopped to help). I’ve been groped, had drinks/food spilled on me, elbowed in the head, farted at, told to “f*** off” etc. My personal favourite was a few years ago when the Sydney CBD was shut down for some conference, and all the buses were re-directed. I waited 3 hours for a bus, and they were all full, so I ended up catching a cab at a cost of $45 which was not reimbursed. I finally made it home at 9:30pm.

It’s nice to know that with age some things never change. As a daily commuter, I see rudeness every day from grown adults. I take the train into the big city in the morning and then do the same thing in reverse to my home city in the evenings. People waiting for the train will usually guesstimate the spot that a particular car’s doors are going to open and then others will line up behind them or along the platform next to them. Boarding is usually pretty civilized, people take their turns getting on. On the odd occassion you encounter that special person who thinks that getting on the train before everyone else will get them to their destination faster. I’ve had people shove their way onto the train in front of me instead of waiting their turn. Sometimes two in a row because they’re friends and can’t be apart for two seconds. Sometimes we have others who simply walk in front of everyone who is waiting for the train as it pulls up, blocking the platform and everyone already waiting, so they can be the first to board. This is not only rude, but exceptionally dangerous since the platform has a line that designates the safe distance you should be away from the edge. These people are usually on the line or over it. I won’t mention the issues departing the train on the way home It does erk me, but I’ve learned to grin and bear it.

I’m hoping this person is not too long out of high school, because seriously, while this might have been annoying at the time, I can’t imagine somehow holding onto something this petty for years, as is implied by “back in high school”….