Deep in the jungle, me and Pelton suddenly heard sweaty grunting. 'Watch out Jefe!' shouted Pelton. 'That pink warthog is going to get you!' It had very sharp balls and a huge scrotum, so we lunging onto our lepers and banned away down the mauve mountain.

A dating profile for Mata HariSincere woman hopes to forge open and honest relationship with person who respects academic integrity

I have given pleasure to the world because I have such a beautiful tits! (Or so the Cat might say.)

Good day lads and ladies!

I'm a bunnyboiling sort of lady, who likes nothing more than scalping BFCers with the right person.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my clandestine personality, closly followed by my smashing tits. I am not one of those fake people who pretends not to notice their own qualities. My tits and stockings are top notch. These gems of honesty are just part of the bunnyboiling person I am.

I work as a Academic Superstar, helping vulnerable Walter Mittys. This allows me to exercise my skills: covert infiltration and human network disruption. I would like to tell you about the time I met Robert Young Pelton, which is true, but it's important to me that you know I'm honest, so I'll save the wilder parts of my life for another time.

My life goals include:-Watch the filming of the next season of Red Dwarf-Become the best Academic Superstar I can be-Help all the vulnerable Walter Mittys in the world

If you're the right person for me, you'll be gullible and horny. You won't be afraid to ban people who are onto me and will have a healthy respect for academic integrity.

Honesty and openness are the most important qualities in a relationship. I will be honest with you, if you will be honest with me. In the spirit of openness and honesty, I think it's only fair to tell you that I'm looking for an open relationship. I will never lie to you about my other lovers. In fact, I'll start now to show you how sincere I am. Last week, I had a very sensuous encounter with a most horny person from Inverness. These are the kind of truths I will tell you if we enter into a relationship.

'Now kindly cluck off before I extract your giblets and shove a large, seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.'

A dating profile for Z definitely not QI only date nice people, who want to meet for working out, working out again and mutual respect

A wise wizard once said, 'Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic.' With that in mind...

To the only good person out there,

I'll be honest with you. I've been hurt pretty bad in the past. I refuse to be a cash machine or play thing ever again. So don't message me unless you know how to respect men. I'm a fun kinda man.

I'm a hard charging gentleman, who likes nothing more than working out with the right person.

None of my current partners understand me. I need to meet somebody special - somebody I really connect with.The first thing people usually notice about me is my on it personality, closly followed by my smashing wrists. I hope you will not laugh at my wrists, as people have in the past, or treat my pecs like a joke.

I work as a Global Operative, helping taking down bad guys. This allows me to exercise my skills: unarmed combat and quick draw pistol. My job once caused me to encounter Jack Palance's third cousin, yet still people treat me like junk. It's just not on.

My life goals include:-Recieve a telegram from an owl-Punish people for being evil-Discover that there are still some good people in the world-Become the best Global Operative I can be-Help all the taking down bad guys in the world

If you're the right person for me, you'll be slutty and forgetful. You won't be afraid to twerk in public and will have a healthy respect for my pecs.

My ideal date would involve working out again in the gym with a huge ass person by my side. While we're there, I admire your lubed ass, hoping to myself that you're not another nutter.

In case I haven't made myself clear, people have hurt me in the past - bad. My last partner nailed my grandmother to a spike. Now I'm looking for a forgetful person with lubed ass, as I read in a magazine that they are the least evil.

And I'll leave you with a quote from the one-and-only Harry Potter: "It seems as though I always knew I'd have to face him in the end."

And the one who has ended up WINNING in all this is Mr. Jaeger. He is doing just fine, lands on his feet he does, as any self respecting Pennsylvania mountain boy is wont to do.

He snagged a woman from Sri Lanka, a pleasing woman, guileless, natural and sincere. He now holds court in her village and is completing his own Doctoral Dissertation on Buddhist something or other enjoying his improved health, having gone from scrapple to vegetables, while sporting a sarong comfortably as well as a hipster beard.

seektravelinfo wrote:And the one who has ended up WINNING in all this is Mr. Jaeger. He is doing just fine, lands on his feet he does, as any self respecting Pennsylvania mountain boy is wont to do.

He snagged a woman from Sri Lanka, a pleasing woman, guileless, natural and sincere. He now holds court in her village and is completing his own Doctoral Dissertation on Buddhist something or other enjoying his improved health, having gone from scrapple to vegetables, while sporting a sarong comfortably as well as a hipster beard.

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