The BrikWars Forums

The Magic SOB forum is for posts of story sequences that are frequently vignette-based. Put those here while actual battle reports can go in Reports From the Field.You must talk like James T. Kirk in this forum at all times. Leonard Nimoy is fine too.

Ooooo, this hallucination is getting interesting! Now it has visuals! *Grabs more LSD*

The LSD must really be getting into my head now, a lot of the stuff is wrong. Everybody with a respectable security clearance here in the Administration knows that the presidential bunker is not there, although that’s the jail where we keep pedonuker, who suspiciously looks a lot like me, Chief of Nyphilis President Austin. No one in their right minds would stay there, that pedo might groom you and convert you to his cause. Second, I am offended by you calling me the same person as the pedo, I am a completely separate entity, although still a sigfig of his actual person. The pedo always wears a blue suit in the same style as mine, without a lightsaber belt or epaulettes, but seeing his outfit here I see the warden has been lax and let him violate this term of his imprisonment. And why is the lab all grey? It’s white, with lots of iPhone flatscreens all over the place.

Sad to see the chief of the army go, he must have been visiting his girlfriend over there cause he knows he’s going to die, although the lack of the gem in his lightsaber is hinting that he is merely an impersonator and not the real one. Oh, and he’s not my general, my highest ranking officer is General Yadlin. Numerous attempts at his assassination have been done, including the nuking of the office building he was visiting, but yet he has always survived.

Nice job for creating a visual though, even if it is completely inaccurate. It was getting kind of boring just hearing the hallucination.

Edit: Never in the history of Nyphilis has a president been captured, they always keep a beamsaber for a reason you know. When capture is imminent, the president takes it out, and orders the highest ranking nearby official to stab him with it and kill him. A new president is not declared until either absolutely necessary or until the president is secure again, this is to prevent a mass depletion of Nyphilian leadership. Also, I’m assuming the guys with the black helmets are your attempt at representing my secret service agents. They are patriotized so much, they will never surrender for anybody and will give their lives to protect the president.

Edit: If for some anal reason relating to the fact that I'm over 123948548278x the legal limit of LSD in Nyphilis, President Austin actually visited the Ashenburgh Biological and Peach Vivisection Laboratories in my hallucination, I give you full permission to kill him. What a twat, if that dude was actually Austin, he deserves death for not following the Executive Honorable Suicide Protocol. When things calm down in this depressing vision, vice president Nungy Lubuan shall be declared Head of State.

Last edited by beluga on Thu Feb 03, 2011 11:41 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Bring him to the Epic Arena of Carnage and Despair on one of the immortal planets and make him fight rounds of enemies, with increasing difficulty. If he manages to survive all of the rounds he will be let free, but of course this is extremely difficult.

Make this into a forum battle and humiliate him for not surviving the first round and this would be even a greater show of might of the Immortal Empire.

Threat, nah, she's just projecting from her own views or whatever she couldn't give a fuck about PedoBelugaNuker.

@Forum: Threat? Aye, so fuck. I even punched my own Sig-Fig out my own game so what the fuck do I care. Go ahead, anyone can do what they want, I can't stop them. Just don't get all pissy like a little bitch when I'm mean enough to make you cry. Come a'fuckin'head yah bawbags!.. as they say in my native tongue.

beluga wrote:Ooooo, this hallucination is getting interesting! Now it has visuals! *Grabs more LSD*

The LSD must really be getting into my head now, a lot of the stuff is wrong. Everybody with a respectable security clearance here in the Administration knows that the presidential bunker is not there, although that’s the jail where we keep pedonuker, who suspiciously looks a lot like me, Chief of Nyphilis President Austin. No one in their right minds would stay there, that pedo might groom you and convert you to his cause. Second, I am offended by you calling me the same person as the pedo, I am a completely separate entity, although still a sigfig of his actual person. The pedo always wears a blue suit in the same style as mine, without a lightsaber belt or epaulettes, but seeing his outfit here I see the warden has been lax and let him violate this term of his imprisonment. And why is the lab all grey? It’s white, with lots of iPhone flatscreens all over the place.

Sad to see the chief of the army go, he must have been visiting his girlfriend over there cause he knows he’s going to die, although the lack of the gem in his lightsaber is hinting that he is merely an impersonator and not the real one. Oh, and he’s not my general, my highest ranking officer is General Yadlin. Numerous attempts at his assassination have been done, including the nuking of the office building he was visiting, but yet he has always survived.

Nice job for creating a visual though, even if it is completely inaccurate. It was getting kind of boring just hearing the hallucination.

Edit: Never in the history of Nyphilis has a president been captured, they always keep a beamsaber for a reason you know. When capture is imminent, the president takes it out, and orders the highest ranking nearby official to stab him with it and kill him. A new president is not declared until either absolutely necessary or until the president is secure again, this is to prevent a mass depletion of Nyphilian leadership. Also, I’m assuming the guys with the black helmets are your attempt at representing my secret service agents. They are patriotized so much, they will never surrender for anybody and will give their lives to protect the president.

Edit: If for some anal reason relating to the fact that I'm over 123948548278x the legal limit of LSD in Nyphilis, President Austin actually visited the Ashenburgh Biological and Peach Vivisection Laboratories in my hallucination, I give you full permission to kill him. What a twat, if that dude was actually Austin, he deserves death for not following the Executive Honorable Suicide Protocol. When things calm down in this depressing vision, vice president Nungy Lubuan shall be declared Head of State.

Oh, it was all real. It was an Immortal bunker, in YOUR system, hidden. Second, that was President Austin. He is not dead, just being imprisoned, and a forum battle will decide his fate. Construction of battleground and plot is proceeding as we speak.

Nat, you can try to kill Ross, but you really don't have a reason to. I haven't constructed insanely retarded tl;dr comebacks for being kicked off of the hill, comebacks that actively protest that said kick off never happened. This guy has EARNED it.

WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE CAPTURE, RECORDED ON THE SHUTTLE’S ONBOARD VIDEO SYSTEM

Admiral: Slight stealth is enabled, don’t set it too invisibility or else we won’t have enough fuel to make it. Shuttle preparing for interstellar, engineers, bang up the miniature neutrina reactor so we can get away as fast as we can.
Radar Operator: Sir, hundreds, maybe thousands of enemy contacts. They really mean business, I guess despite all security measures they still know about our cargo. Warn them!
Admiral: Gunners! Fire all weapons and take evasive action! Order the fleet to attack and hold off the attackers!
Radar Operator: Incoming! Fighter contacts and missiles, brace for impact and prepare counterattack!
*Immortals and Tyronians warp in and an epic space battle with tons of laser bangs and explosions starts*

President Austin: So now, the Athenia dreadnought will have enough weapons to destroy the...
General: *rushes in* Mr. President, we are being attacked, all fighters have been launched and guns blazing! We must evacuate you now!
President Austin: I'm assuming the smaller shuttle inside the shuttle's docking bay is prepped to go? It’s simply a matter of evacuating all of us and slipping through, I suppose.
General: The shuttle has already been launched, it’s destroyed about 7 Immortal warships currently but it’s on a suicide mission, we can’t call it back at this point!
President Austin: Damn, this’ll be trickier than I thought. General Yadlin, broadcast an encrypted transmission, initiate Operation Regresar, Operation Hellmutt, and Operation Downfall. If you other people don’t know what I’m talking about, then too bad, it’s classified. Can’t this damn shuttle just fly out of this mess? It cost a lot of money to build, the least it could do is save our lives.
General: The Immortals and Tyronians have us completely surrounded, except for a huge hole in their sensors and defenses. It’s rapidly closing, already it’s too small for any of our larger spaceships to fly through. We have launched everything we have, the only vehicle left is an advanced, spaceworthy Pegasus helicopter. But, unfortunately, it can only fit three people. So far sensors indicate that the Tyronians are already launching boarding pods, we don’t have much time.
President Austin: Well then, get us to the damn hangar!

General: I’m sorry, but we must transport only the three most important people, General Yadlin, Vice President Nungy, and President Austin. I apologize, but the copta’ can’t hold any more.
Speaker of the House: Dickhead, you promised we’d be safe!
Secretary of Defense: Nyphilian dickheads! I’ll spill all I know to the immortals to aid them against you, I might not know about those classified operations but I know much else!
National Security Advisor: In this darkest time, we should not be treasonous. Regardless, I agree Austin is a dickhead for all of his plainly false promises. He promised Nyphilis shall never fall, and now it is destroyed. He promised to execute pedonuker, yet the pedo is still alive. He promised to fend off all immortal shitbags from entering this empire, yet they are pouring in by the thousands. True, we have cost the immortals much, temporarily successfully captured an immortal core and researched it, and damaging them so that they are forced to rebuild, thereby buying much, much time for the anti-immortals to amass armies. We have become the first to fall in the Immortal’s breakout, which is a bittersweet honor. But at least for now, we must stand together and fight!
President Austin: I will not go. I instead want to Secretary of State Aletta to go for me.
General: You can’t let your crushes and romance get in this! This is a national security, no wait, national SURVIVAL issue! As president, you must go!
President: I must delete all encrypted and classified data relating to the aforementioned classified operations everywhere in the Nyphilian Empire. However, this requires lots of passcodes, and I don’t have the time to tell them all to someone if I want to evacuate. I’ll stay behind.
General: By law, you must leave now, Mr. President. Get into the damn helicopter.

President Austin: I declare Aletta the president of the Nyphilian Empire then.
General: You’re violating the 22nd amendment to the Nyphilian constitution! You learned presidential succession in 5th grade, the presidency would automatically pass on to your vice president upon your death or incapacitation!
President Austin: Screw the constitution. I picked her for a reason, and that has nothing to do with what the tabloids are talking about. She handles diplomatic relations with other nations, I’ve seen her wince in those cabinet meetings at my foreign policies, many of which I regret now. She suggested many ideas and resolutions, which I promptly ignored. For instance, she stated that since Nyphilians are banned from the hill due to that dickhead pedonuker’s actions, I should ignore it and ban access to it. I ignored her, to our detriment. Every time, she always suggested an option, a better one than mines retrospectively. I’ll leave her in charge, and hopefully this enables Nyphilis to learn from its mistakes. I will die so that the empire may live, that’s the point. We shall never again make such rash, stupid decisions. The hole is closing fast, godspeed! Make it through while there’s time. *Watches helicopter zoom away past the stars, undetected and unattacked, to its destination*

President Austin: There easy to kill, but they’re coming in the thousands! Our security forces and our other crew and officials are way outnumbered, may I assume we’re going to die?
General: Pretty accurate, I suppose.

*End of my report, beginning of Krus’s*

5 hours later...

/begin transmission/

President Aletta: Apologies to any remaining survivors of the Nyphilian empire, I regret to announce the LSD vision was a cover-up for the real world. I have decided to inform you against the former president wishes, Nyphilis has actually been destroyed, everything that is destroyed is truly destroyed. Everybody dead is dead. Former President Austin chose to hide this disaster in order to maintain order, but as everyone knows he's a complete moron who knows nothing of public or foreign policy. The Nyphilian empire will continue to exist, but acknowledging Ogel96's point, I take this apocalypse as a chance to rebuild, a chance to redeem, as the great flood of Noah destroyed all antediluvian objects and people but purified the Earth. To all the enslaved, to all in hiding, please hold on, we will return soon