Thursday, March 29, 2007

200ps: The Two Queens of the Chess Board: Part 6 (Erifia)

Both I and Aayla laughed, long and hard we laughed. We didn’t know that’s what it meant, and I am sure neither did Grevious when Jabba dropped him into the Rancor pit.

I didn’t see what was going on, but of boy did I hear it. Grevious was coughing up a storm and there were saber noises, and Rancor roars, etc. etc. The fight lasted a long time. Eventually, Grevious crawled back up out of the pit.

“I broke your Rancor, you need another one. *Cough*.” He stood up and extended both sabers, and I have to say, for once, I was impressed by Grevious. That was the coolest line he ever had.

Jabba seemed impressed by this. He began to speak in huttese again. I recorded it all. He agreed to assist the CIS in funding, if he was made ruler of Tatooine, and he was paid back double what he gave out.

Aayla and I scooted close to each other and we began to speak using our lekkus.

“We need to get out of here now…Dumbface.”

“Duh… Stupid…”

“Do you have a plan?”

“No.”

“I do. But…”

“But?”

“We only have once chance to do it, if we fail we are toast.”

Oola spoke using her lekkus and we both heard it loud and clear, “I can tell him, and you’ll both be stuck here forever, or, you can work with me and never look at my Jabba again.”

If you’ll excuse me, next post I have a very, very funny response to that,

Monday, March 26, 2007

200ps: The Two Queens of the Chess Board: Part 5 (Erifia)

Okay. Aayla and I hate each other. This is common knowledge. We hate each other so much that when we look at each other, actual daggers come from our eyes and stab each other.

But I have never seen someone hate both of us. Usually what one of us lacks, the other makes up for, and everyone can like either of us. You follow?

This Oola… First of all she is puke green. That is disgusting. She wears these gothic type outfits (Which are kind of cool) but I digress! She is a disgusting filth of twi’lek. She actually enjoys spending time with Jabba, and she lays on him.

Aayla and I are all like trying to break our chains, and she is trying to enter his flesh through his mouth or something. Two Words…. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I guess that’s more like one really long word. It had been twelve hours since Aayla and I were strapped to Jabba. We had to change into this atrocious little metal number, and we’ve sat here. Both of us more than capable of getting out and killing him… But waiting.

When the worst thing ever walked through the door… General Grevious.

Both Aayla and I turned our faces away. I cleverly hid my face with my one hand. He walked down in front of the huge blubbery mass, and he knelt.

“Prince Jabba *Cough*. I am here to discuss that one thing *Cough* that we were to discuss *Cough*.”

“Messoonaabbababaaaaa Joaoendapabbaa-“ I spaced out again… My mind wandered back to Deadweight for a moment, and when I came back I think he was still on his second word, “andmdaaaannnaaabbaa…”

“Because, we will see *cough cough* that you are the ruler of *Cough cough hack up a lung on the floor* Tatooine.”

Jabba laughed, “Hooo Hooo Hooo. Me so no wabba stupid droids!”

Was that three words of English in the same sentence? I just realized, as handy as this was to have the bad-guys talking right in front of me, we needed proof.

I moved towards Oola, as Sagacious Crumb began to point and laugh at Grevious. I wanted to kill that little thing… Oh so bad. I grabbed something from my pile of clothing. I activated it and stuck it on my metallic clothing, it blended right it… I sat down by Jabba with my hands covering my face like I was crying.

Grevious coughed again, “What do I have to do to prove to you we are *Cough Cough* worthy of your funding?”

“Shooontabla.”

I couldn’t help but bust out laughing, and Aayla laughed too… He just said ‘Shooontabla’ say it out loud. Say it! Ahahahaa…

Friday, March 23, 2007

200ps: The Two Queens of the Chess-Board: Part 4 (Erifia Apoc)

The music began. We had choreographed the whole show in that half hour. The song playing for me was “Girls just want to have fun.” By that earth Human Cyndi Lauper. I dropped my cloak, and all eyes fell on me.

It was a plaid red skirt, and a white blouse. I began to dance on my runway. All of them began to throw credits onto the runway.

The light went off me, and then Aayla dropped her cloak. She was wearing black leather. I scowled as she cracked a whip she had in her hand. The music now made sense, Something about touch and one’s own body, by some earth band. What’s up with this earth music?

Men turned to face her, She cracked her whip, and walked with confidence down the runway.

My music came on, and I used my three lekkus to do a spin, and they danced of their own accord, and I did a small jump in the air. The men started hooting and hollering. Aayla used the whips attached to her lekkus and she cracked them.

This stupidity went back and fourth until the men were out of money, and Jabba spoke up, “Mesonaba Herojoanoma Hesaasaaa…” About this time, I spaced out and didn’t pay attention to what he was saying, when I went back into focus he said, “Domnaaa Sombada Errrraaaaaaaaa*Burp*.” I rolled my eyes, as both Aayla and I were shackled and chained to Jabba.

Oola didn’t seem to happy about this. Trust me… Oola had no idea about being happy about a situation…

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

1 Year Today! 200sp: The Two Queens of the Chess-Board: Part 3 (Erifia Apoc)

Dumbface and I were told that we had to work together and find some information from Jabba’s palace.

Given the information from Shaak Ti, Aayla and I were to dress in red and white, and decorate our bodies in henna. We sat across from each other, staring.

“I can’t apply it to myself,” I said, “And you can’t apply it to yourself. I will be nice, if you be nice.” I reached my hand out, and she took it, and we shook. Then I withdrew my hand, found hand sanitizer to sterilize my hand. She was using a lighter.

I dipped the brush in the super-henna, It dried after only five minutes and filled in a color in the same time. She laid down, and I started the design with a vortex circle and then I ran it until I made it seem like vines crawling up and around her body. The vines all had thorns, it took me a bit to do, but it looked good afterwards.

“Wow, that was an improvement on your body,” I said, “It gave it some features, some class.”

She retorted, “You’re a stupid tri’lek.”

I laid down on the bed, and waited in dread fear. She stood, and scraped off the dry henna, and then she looked in the mirror.

“Okay,” she said, “I’ll be nice.”

She began to stroke the brush over my body. It seemed to me to be chaos. She was going to pay. I waited for her to finish and the henna to dry. I jumped off after ten minutes and I ran to the mirror. She had made my designs very tribal, and they actually looked good.

“We need to coordinate outfits,” I said with my hands on my hip.

“I know… You dress like a slave-girl, and I dress like a peasant.”

“You…It takes the fun out of it if you insult yourself.”

“I know,” she smiled and winked.

“What if we use your lekkus wrapping style, and use my clothes, we attach chains and other things to both pieces.”

“That could work. But…”

It hit me, “Would it not be more beneficial to try and out dance each other? That could be our shtick. We both wear outfits that coordinate but don’t match. We try to out dance each other.”

“Okay. Okay. I’m okay with that. Remember, lets keep with the colors red, blue, indigo and white. I trust you to not dance like a peasant.”

She clenched her fist, “Look, we hate each other, lets just get this done.”

“Whatever,” I said.

We both packed and met on her ship. I was wearing a black cloak, and I had pulled tightly around me. She had a white cloak and had it pulled tightly around herself, “In my ship it will take us awhile to get to Tatooine. We all can’t have foreign technology.”

I laid back and waited. I fell asleep, and when we arrived there she kicked me to wake me up. I jumped awake and I swung my fist at her and she ducked under it. I sighed heavily, and I looked at her. Angry.

I left the ship, and once outside I saw Jabba’s palace. I pulled my cloak tightly to myself. She did the same, and we walked to the Palace’s door. It was answered by a twi’lek man, “You have some business with Jabba?”

“We are the entertainment,” he raised his eyebrow and Aayla and I both moved our hands in front of his face, we spoke together, “We are the entertainment.”

He opened the door, and led us downward. He took us into a back hallway, and led us to a room, “You will go on in thirty minutes. Be sure to wish Jabba happy-birthday. Also, keep in mind if you need special music you need to use the com-link to tell the band what you need and the lightning or whatever.”

He left the room, “I am so going to make more money then you,” I said to Aayla.

Aayla looked at me and laughed, “If they like fat ugly twi’leks.”

“Then you’ll do fine, won’t you?”

“Nerfherder!” She yelled at me.

“Sithspit!”

“Clone!”

“Padawan!”

“Idiot!”

“Know-it-all!”

“Dumbface!”

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to beat this dumb-face in a Yo Momma competition,

Cloaks and Kisses,Erifia Apoc

(I have survived a year of blogger, I heard that was the hard part and once you get a year, you are good to go. I am so happy to have made it this far, and I plan on making it another year. I am so excited. I want to thank everyone who comments, and especially William. If it weren't for him, reading from the beginning, I don't know what I'd have done.

So, *Holds a gladd of klingon blood wine* Here's to good freinds, and another year at blogger!

Monday, March 19, 2007

200ps: The Two Queens of the Chess-Board: Part 2 (Erifia Apoc)

I had been called to the council’s chambers. I waited outside impatiently walking back and fourth. The call was a mental message sent by Master Yoda. I guess they knew anyone else who sent one I would not respond to.

I had arrived as quickly as I could. Now I was waiting. Whatever was so urgent, they sure were keeping me a long time. The doors swung open. I walked in, and I looked around. There was another door opening.

I narrowed my eyes. Aayla Secura. We smiled at each other. Both smiles, mine and hers were masks. We both knew how we felt about each other. We met before the council, and stood several feet away from each other.

“We called you both here,” Luminara spoke, “Because of all the Jedi, only you two are both experienced enough, and qualified enough for this mission.” Aayla looked over at me, and I looked back at her.

“Master Apoc, I would think better than this, of you.” Shaak ti said. I turned to her, “You obviously don’t know the woman who you decided to partner me with. Not only is she incompetent, she is rash and causes the death of those around her.”

“At least I’m not a know-it-all rebel!” She shot, “I’m not daddy’s little girl, the golden child, I’m an adult.”

“Adult? With how weak that argument was, it sounded as if a child had made it.”

“You would know how children think Tri’lek.”

“That was so weak that I won’t even respond to it directly!” I yelled.

Aayla leapt forward and then a cane flying through the air struck her in the forhead and sent her plummeting to the ground.

It swung back around at my head and I ducked, it boomeranged, and I ducked again. I smiled at Master Yoda. It struck me in the back of the head, and I fell forward, my face hitting the ground.

“Work together you will, listen to us you must. Ignore us, and more then cane it will be.”

Dumb-Face and I spoke in unison, “Yes Master.”

Obi-Wan began, “You two are the best equipped for the job. You will be infiltrating Jabba the Hutt’s Palace on Tatooine. Posed as dancers.”

I looked at Aayla and she looked at me, “But she is ugly!” We said it at the same time. Obi-Wan laughed, “We have reason to believe that the CIS is looking for him to help in funding. We do not need you to kill everyone in the place, Aayla. Nor do we need you to rob the place blind, Erifia. We just need evidence that it is happening.”

Aayla began, “And I am a general. I do not even begin to know the first thing about espionage.”

We yelled at the same time, “And you can’t pair me with her!”

Master Yoda lit up his lightsaber, “Unless she changes her outfit!” We yelled in a finish.

He sheathed it, “Due to Tatooine you are, immediately.”

Shaak Ti spoke, “Get dressed, we have you signed up as a dancing pair, famous from the Coruscant understreets. Your colors are reds and whites. You’ll need to use Henna, to disguise your bodies from anyone who would recognize you as who you are, this goes double for you Erifia. The people at Jabba’s Palace are people who you may have associated with.”

Saturday, March 17, 2007

200ps: Two Queens of the Chessboard: Part 1 (Padawan Erifia)

The infirmary felt cold, sterile, and without any life in it at all. It made me shrink in on myself. When I did I had forgotten about the broken rib, and I groaned. It caused me to flinch at the pain.

I broke open my lip again. I felt the blood trickle down my cheek. I held the cloth to it again. I was a mess. My eyes were much darker then normal, I had been struck in both of them. My lekkus writhed in pain of their own accord.

Normal little girls grab hair to inflict pain. Twi’lek little girls squeeze lekkus. The result of my lekkus being squeezed I had a massive headache. I didn’t fight back this time. I didn’t want to do kitchen duty again.

It is wrong of me to hate, I know, but I want to shoot her. If I had my gun she would be so far away, and I could make her lekkus hurt like this. I bit down, and then the muscles in my jaw told me I had been hit there too.

Luminara Unduli walked in and Barriss was behind her. Luminara grabbed my shoulder and shoved me down onto the table. Pain shot through my ribs. I didn’t wince, and I didn’t cry, that’s what she wanted me to do.

“Now Barriss, when you have a case of someone getting beaten in hand-to-hand combat, you need to decide whether they asked for it or whether they were being noble.” I closed my eyes. She wasn’t going to heal me.

“In this case, someone who is here weekly, and usually leaves someone else bloodier then her, it makes you wonder if she was ambushed this time.” Luminara held my lekkus, they were all bruised. She speaks, “Look Barriss notice how the most damage was sustained from behind.” She threw my lekkus around and then they struck the table I hissed with pain.

“Let’s look at her face, the two black eyes could be inflicted when she turned to defend herself. Even the cut on the lip, and the bruise on her jaw. Notice it all, it was almost like she couldn’t defend herself. I’m sure you noticed the patient when she came in was favoring her ribs.” Luminara placed her hands on my ribs, at least she was going to heal them, “We need to check for stability.” She pushed down.

Tears streaked from my eyes, and I screamed. I don’t understand. What had I done to her? Luminara leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Maybe you’ll think next time before you send people to my infirmary.”

She turned and left the room. Barriss held my hand, “Erifia…I…” I heard Luminara call, “Come along Barriss.” Barriss looked down and followed out of the room. I rolled onto my side. Tears rolled down my eyes.

Luminara re-entered. Her head was tipped downwards. She walked over to me, and laid her hands on me, I flinched. I was scared she was going to hurt me again. I felt the warmth from her hands as my wounds repaired themselves.

She left her head bent down. I didn’t understand the change of heart. Then I saw a small wooden cane’s end strike the bed near me, “Down here, I am.” I shook in fear, “Master Yoda… I… I…”

“Speak you can’t,” he laughed softly. I didn’t understand. I stopped shaking, I sat up, and climbed down off the bed, and I sat on my knees on the floor. I cast my eyes down from him, “Scared of me, you are? Why?”

“I’m not a good person,” I spoke softly. He hit me in the side of the head with his cane, “Good person you are, Good person Aayla is, Good people who do not like each other, you are.”

“She starts the-“ He hit me on the side of the head with his cane, “Matter not who starts fights, matters only that fights not continue. Today fight you did not, know this I did. Unscathed is Aayla.”

I nodded gently. “Luminara to hurt you, wrong it was, Yes,” He said, “Her job is not to punish. You are a bully to Aayla too, yes…”

I shook my head no quickly, and he hit me in the side of the head with his cane, “Yes, bully Aayla you do. Smarter then her you are, yes. Stronger then you she is. Together good team you could make, yes.”

I didn’t respond, he struck me in the side of the head with his cane, “Speak now.” I opened my mouth, “I don’t think so Master, but your knowledge exceeds my own.” He laughed, “Knowledge yes I have, humbleness, No, have that I do not.” He laughed again, “Joking I am, funny you think?” I nodded. He hit me in the head with the cane again, “Things do not to appease me.” I giggled softly. He spoke again, “Scared not be of me.”

“Yes Master,” I responded. He hit me with the cane upon the side of the head again, “Say not that you will do, do and in your actions, speak it will of your true marks.”

What? Double What?

I reached to hug him and he chuckled softly. I squeezed him gently. He walked by me, and left the room. Would Aayla and I ever make a good team? Could we ever get along long enough to team up?

If you’ll excuse me, I… I…

X’s and O’s,Erifia

(From the desk of The Author: This is the beginning of the posts leading up to my 200th. They won't quite make it, I don't think, but I know in four days will be my one year anniversary. I want to apologize, time and time again, life has been so busy for me, and college comes before anything else. Also: You guys voted for it, so no complaints when you realize it is a terrible series of posts. *Hideous-Diabolic-Laughter*)

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Late Night Tea

I rubbed my eyes, and I rolled out of bed. I stumbled out of my room, and I arrived in the kitchen at the temple. My eyes were heavy, I didn’t want to get up, but I couldn’t go back to sleep. I felt a presence in the room, but I didn’t take notice to whom it was. I poured hot water, and grabbed a tea bag to steep.

I sat down across the table, and when I saw the platinum blonde hair, I knew whom it was. I smiled, “You’re up late.” I rubbed my dark and heavy eyes, hoping the dark circles wouldn’t alarm her.

“I often can’t sleep, and when meditation does not help I come here. It is quiet and peacerful,” she smiled as she looked at me, “I am here if you need to talk.”

I looked for honey, and when I found it, I poured most of it into the tea. I looked up to her and released a sad sigh, “I had twisted dreams tonight.”

“What sort of dreams?” She asked.

“Mistress Adana,” I said softly, “Have you ever heard of the Sith known as Darth Inferna?”

“I heave hard my former Master mention the name, but I do not have much knowledge about this sith.” She stood and walked over to get more tea.

I sipped on mine, “I dreamt about her last night.” I was prepared to leave, if she was anything like Obi. I would be scorned.

She turned to me, “Dreams can often haunt us in ways unimaginable. And often we cannot let go of the images.”

“She was speaking to me. I thought she was dead,” I said to her, trying to be strong, “I mean… We killed her…” I sighed. Even if I was a master, if they found out about Inferna, I would be as good as dead.

“Are you sure she died?” She asked, I looked at my hands, They were indigo, and I felt my heartbeat, “It could be her ghost as well.”

I didn’t feel ghostly. She was infinitely me, and I was infinitely her, “I think you’re right about her being alive. Her and I are a lot alike, we are both tough and we both don’t die easily.”

“It seems like she is trying to bring out the other side in you, create a new bond, a connection,” she said. Lady you have no idea.

I am sure my laugh had to sound silver, it escaped my lips and filled the room. I don’t know, but I am sure it became colder.

I focused my eyes on her, “Forgive me… You’ve always been so sweet. That was uncalled for. Its just… Yeah…”

“No, no, don’t apologize, you have netither offended me nor have you been rude in any way,” she moved her hand towards me, “I wish I could ease your pain and help you.”

I mumbled almost silently. She wanted to help, we’ll see how much, “I am Darth Inferna.” I quickly grabbed my tea and began to drink so I couldn’t speak again.

“Are you really she?” she asked.

“Not always,” I admitted, “Only sometimes, when I am at my weakest. It isn’t a second spirit. She is like a second me inside my body. She takes over, and then I wake up somewhere else… Or I wake up with my Tauntaun impaling me… Or… Its not my fault… I hate her!”

She watched me, “How often does she take over?”

Whenever my author wants a new plotline “I don’t know… Once every few months… Sometimes less then that.” I looked up to her, to read her features to see if she was going to run and tell. I could deal with any pain they would put me through.

“You can trust me. I won’t tell anyone.” She looked me deeply in the eyes, and I blinked in response, “There are things the council need not know.”

I nodded, and I thanked her with my eyes, “I- I usually find some way to beat her at the last moment. But She’s been getting stronger.”

“Aren’t we all?” she laughed gently, “But we have to be able to control what is trying to control us.”

“I understand, but it’s not always that easy.”

“I understand, But do tell me how I can possible help you?”

I stood and I sat down next to her. I hugged her tightly around the shoulders, “Kill me if she gets out of my control.” I banished a tear from my cheek.

“I shall do no such thing,” she said as she hugged me, “But I will do everything in my power to tame her,” she wiped the tear away, “She might see a side in me not many have knowledge of?”

I raised my eyebrow and asked her without speaking.

“A secret only Masters Yoda and Windu know. Unfourtiantely when I was a padawan poor Obi-Wan was on the receiving end,” She took a deep breath, “I have the ability to access the dark side of the force. In rare instances this had happened.”

I gasped, I took her hands in mine quickly… I laid my head on her shoulder and I began to cry. There was hope… Somewhere, there was hope.

“Don’t give up, there is hope yet,” she said softly, while stroking my head.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Hello Darkness My Old Friend (Inferna)

Hello Erifia.

Its been awhile. You and I are inevitably tied in fate, and we will always be one. We are night and day, Erifia. But Only one of us can exist at a time, and right now, the light has banished the darkness.

I am your absence. When your happy mind wonders, I slowly walk forward. You must be very happy right now, because I feel so strong. You know, The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes.

I am your shadow Erifia. I am what makes you dark, I’m your edge. I happen to think this beau of yours is cute. He’s a little bit older, but in our line of work, we can’t be picky now can we?

But that’s inevitably what it boils down to Erifia. You think you are comfortable, you think you are living on top of the world. I am still here.

Erifia, sweetie, you’re sleeping now, but I know you can hear me. I know it is killing you inside to know that I am here.

Star Wars and all related characters are trademarks of Lucasfilm Ltd. This site is intended as a parody. As such, use of copyrighted and trademarked images is allowed under Fair Use. Erifia Apoc, Becca the Magnificant and Tatooine the Tauntaun, are all characters made by the author, using some Lucasfilm Ltd. Ideas.