Sunday, 3 August 2014

Big Easy - Big Sloppy

7 years ago we went to Big Easy on
Kings Road and absolutely hated it. The lobsters were frozen, the fries were
soggy, most of the food turned up lukewarm and the place was a trashy dump. For
some obscure reason, 7 years later when Big Easy decided to open shop in Covent
Garden, I got excited enough to accept the table for 10:30pm on a Friday night.

The only positive thing of this dinner
was that my date wasn’t late this time. From that point on, the series of
wreckage began: first we were shown to the table next to the live band, or more
accurately, next to the drums. There was no hope of conversation, not without
someone getting stabbed anyway. After 15mins of waving at the sparse number of
staff, we were finally moved to a table nearer the bar, next to Mr Homer
Simpson that wouldn’t stop wolf-whistling at any tune that the band put together. Grrrr.

After more waving, I asked for a Calle
23 100% agave white Tequila with Watermelon juice. Apparently the juice was
freshly pressed at the bar – ah yea, maybe freshly pressed a couple of weeks
ago, and it should have said the ‘juice’ was mixed with lots of water. In
short, it was gross. The chocolate milkshake was easier to stomach, but nothing
worth writing home about.

Crispy
Calamari with Tartar
sauce

At this point, it was way past 11pm and we were starving. The calamari was good, a well-seasoned batter with pieces of squid that was full of bounce. Could have been better though; the batter had fallen off to leave large lumps of deep-fried dough; some pieces had more batter than squid, but overall good.

Chilled
Atlantic Crab Claws
with Honey Mustard Dipping Sauce

These were downright awful. The 5
claws arrived clinging onto the edge of an ice bucket, uncracked on the shells
and frozen to absolute lifelessness. We had to ask for the tools to break into
the meat, which became shreds of defrosted mass with as much flavour as a
melting ice cube. The sickly sweet dip was pure honey no mustard, which would
have made no sense with any seafood. But given the claws had no taste to them,
it didn’t matter. Simply not worth the effort. Deep fried Voodoo Shrimp with Blue Cheese
Dipping Sauce

We decided to add this to our order
after our waitress said this was her favourite. And damn right this was
possibly the best of the worst, well, at the time anyway (first thing the
following morning, I was told even this shrimp basket wasn’t that great). The large (frozen) prawns
were deep fried in a thin batter, remarkably fleshy and crunchy, brought about
great satisfaction. Personally I liked the blue cheese dip, but the tartar
sauce from the calamari worked too.

This was an epic failure. It looked so
good, too deceivingly good. I started with the jumbo shrimp, coated with
generous seasoning and fragrant white wine sauce on the shell, only to find the
flesh mushy to the core. I think they left the prawns in water for too long
before cooking. The lobster was rubbery and sinewy, all the sweet shellfish
juice had been drained from the overcooking, leaving the muscles curled up and
shrunken. Mussels were no better, the once-plump morsel shrivelled in the shell
and parched from the excessive baking, chewy and unpleasant. We decided not to
battle with the crab claws after the starters.

The dish was largely left untouched.
We pointed out the flaws to the manager. He was apologetic and took 50% off the
dish. While the gesture was appreciated, this kind of standard for a restaurant
that calls itself “crabshack” is still unacceptable.

Dry-Rubbed
St Louis Pork Ribs (6hrs)

No, it wasn’t just the seafood, the
bbq meat was no better. I can only assumed the barbeque ribs were smoked for 6
hours, and it surely looked that way. The slab of meat arrived looking dry as a
rock and black as charcoal. The actual ribs weren’t terrible, the meat was
easily torn from the bone, though I have had much juicier ones elsewhere. The
rub was too salty and that goddamn bbq sauce on the side was an unnecessary
overkill. My tastebuds were numbed by the heat and the combination of
over-seasoned meat and chilli attack just wasn’t doing it for me. The ribs were
also left largely untouched.

Service was dire from start to finish;
we were ignored by the receptionists because they were too busy gossiping; given onlyempty glasses because they forgot our water; constantly signalling for
attention as the staff ran pass our table. The manager apologetically explained
4 waiting staff called in sick. I could only be sympathetic to an extent;
customers shouldn’t suffer as a result – if you can’t handle a full house, then
don’t open up the whole restaurant. Judging from the food, I could only assume half
the kitchen didn’t turn up for work either. The meal was a car crash – quality
of seafood was poor, recipe was crude and cooking was slack. I was right 7
years ago; Big Easy is still sloppy.