All abroad when the country went up in smoke and queues outside looted shops were longer than the January sales.

The ConDem Cabinet is a collective winner for this award.

THE SILVER DAGGER FOR MOST POINTED QUESTION

Bassetlaw’s John Mann is his own man, an MP who doesn’t waste words on the undeserving.

The plain-speaking Labour trade unionist’s the type who, when approaching the Pearly Gates, would tell Saint Peter to open. Pronto. He used just seven words to leave the puffed-up Deputy Prime Minister a burst balloon: “What is the point of Nick Clegg?”

We still don’t know the answer and nor, I suspect, does Clegg.

So answers on a postcard, please, to the Leader of the Liberal Demorats, House of Commons, London.

BEST CAT FIGHT

Fur flew spectacularly when Cabinet ministers Ken Clarke and Theresa May clashed over her ludicrous ­assertion a shoplifter escaped ­deportation because he had a cat.

His timing, straight after the Home Secretary’s rant at the Tory ­conference, was purr-fect.

The Cabinet furball has since had her claws out for the In-Justice Secretary.

Perhaps we should learn to expect that from a chap who joined the men-only Buller then snooty White’s club.

STAND-UP FOR PARLIAMENT MACE

Now Snow White pantos use children instead of dwarves, John Bercow’s enjoying a Christmas break.

Yet, in his day job, the matchbox-sized Speaker is good at what really counts: defending the rights of MPs and holding ministers to account. And Bercow’s Amazonian missus, un-reality TV’s feisty Big Sal, keeps his little feet on the ground by pricking the Speaker’s pomposity.