Here’s what I want from a haunted house: I want to scream and jump and have fun. I used to think that was the point, but based on the ones I’ve visited lately, it’s becoming a lost art. I’ve gone into haunted houses where I’ve had to tap on ghoul’s shoulders so I could pass them by. I’ve been in haunted houses that smell like potpourri (not scary). I’ve been in haunted houses with dudes banging soggy stuffed animals. Okay, that last one is kind of cool and creepy, but not actually scary.

When I heard that filmmaker/artist/monster maniac Mike Etoll built a haunted house in a garage, I got really excited, not only because Mike’s stuff is always awesome and insane (search his name and “Sewer Baby” on youtube), but because of this statement: “Raw meat and organs provided by Husnick Meats.” Yes!

I gathered some friends and attended on opening night. I’d love to tell you all about how awesome it was, but I don’t want to give away the surprises. I can tell you that I screamed and/or jumped about thirteen times. The typical haunted house gets one out of me if they’re lucky. I will also say this: go slowly. This is a work of art. Not in an artsy fartsy kind of way, but in a “holy shit, these people are really passionate about making monsters and scaring people and doing a haunted house the way it’s supposed to be done” kind of way.

The Butcher Shop runs from 5 to 11 every evening until Halloween. 1444 Reaney Ave, St. Paul 55106.