Show those motherf*ckers you're serious!™

November 10, 2004

Which Way Backward for the Democratic Party?

Election 2004 has produced a shattering defeat for the Democratic Party. This comes as no great surprise to us here at ReverseVoteSwap.org. Not only did we predict as much, but most of our staff, being firmly in the flower of youth, can't really a remember a time when the Democrats weren't subject to shattering defeats.

Still, the 2004 debacle, combining the presidential sucker-punch of 2000 with the Congressional ass-kick of 2002, has lead to some Democratic Party soul-searching, whatever that means when applied to soulless organisms. Our courageous infiltrators have informed us that the Democrats are planning a series of major advertisements to put forward a new political message. While we at ReverseVoteSwap.org rather doubt that anyone could still be convinced to support such a shabby party, if this election proved anything it's that there are many stupid, gullible Americans--just think, John Kerry received over 56 million votes! We are releasing this material with the hope that an informed public is a vigilant one.

The Democrats have, apparently, decided to retain Chairman Terry McAuliffe until his planned retirement next year, thereby proving that the world's oldest political party is a less serious organization than most professional sports teams, civic associations, or booster clubs, in which the leadership is considered responsible for at least the major cock-ups. Nevertheless, we must admit that the Party has developed a clever way of apologizing for itself in the following ad, suggesting that the Party's failures are the very fruits of McAuliffe's success!

The big paradigm-shifter in Election 2004 was the question of moral values. The notion that a candidate should have moral values apparently came as a complete shock to the Democratic leadership, and they are now scrambling to integrate moral considerations into their politicians' neuro-psychological profiles. You can imagine the difficulties an East Coast yuppie would have trying to compute the ethical calculus of an ordinary proletarian, but the Democrats have saved themselves the trouble by simply aping Republican rhetoric. The following revised DNC logo showcases the New Democrat values of unity, tradition, crypto-Christianity, etc.

Finally, as stories of vote fraud, voter harrassment, and polling irregularities surface nationwide--and especially in the key swing states--all eyes are on Senator Kerry. Will he abandon these issues just like Al Gore did four years ago? Yes, obviously, but some people never learn. The billboard shown below is designed to help the rank-and-file liberal get over it.