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His name starts with a…

Patience is a virtue.

So I’ve heard.

Everyone is in a rush to get their lives started that they often forget to live in the moment. We rush to grow up that we forget to have a childhood. We rush to jump start a career and forget to live our lives. We jump through hoops, take shortcuts, all for this impatience to see what the future holds for us. I know how that goes all too well. I find myself fixated with this idea of who I am going to be 5 years from now, that I forget to focus on this person in my present. I am looking toward the future instead of focusing on my present. Looking ahead and not seeing whats in front of me. I am guilty, I am aware of that. Every once in a while I like to poke fun at myself and my impatience. I start looking toward the universe to give me a sign of whats to come. I look into superstitions. I look into signs. I basically look into every aspect of the supernatural to get a tiny glimpse of what is coming toward me in the near future. Deja vu is real people! Coincidences don’t just happen! There’s a meaning and explanation behind everything. Because of my impatience toward the future, I tend to put my amusement and sometimes trust into things I normally shouldn’t. Whats the harm that can happen right?

I have always been fascinated by people’s ability to sense emotions. This unseen way to read people. I know it sounds crazy but stories have to come from some aspect of truth. Which is what drew me to the allure of seeing a Psychic. That and Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (even though she was bogus). Sure a lot of what they say is just things you want to hear. Personal growth, moving from the past, and finding the trigger that makes you feel something. I am not saying that all of it is bogus. If you go into it all in good fun, you leave just with what you needed. Psychics/Spiritual Advisors/Readers/Prophets, whatever they are calling themselves these days, I’ve seen them all. The first psychic I saw was in a fair the summer of 2000. No big deal, $5 dollars for a palm reading. Whats the worst that can happen? I went into it all in good fun. To humor myself, it can’t be that bad. The reading produced a lot of the same generic answers: “You will move to a big city”, “you will make lots of money”, “you will meet the man of your dreams”, etc. Of course at 17, I was extremely gullible. I was moving to a big city. I wanted to make lots of money and of course I wanted to meet the man of my dreams! After paying $5 dollars for a palm reading and another $20 dollars for a crystal (that would attract the man of my dreams), I was hooked. It’s all in good fun right? Just an entertainment to cure my nerves of the upcoming future. Months passed and I was hooked. I started believing in signs. Believing things were coming to me, I just had to be patient. The future showed all the great things to come, I just have to wait for it.

For the next 15 years, I’ve had my palm, cards, shells, and aura read. Always going into the situation with a grain of salt. I shouldn’t believe these things. I shouldn’t put any power behind what I am looking into. Then a crazy coincidence would happen, that I would count as a sign. A silver lining development into what I have heard. Maybe it was the positivity they give you after a reading. This rush you feel, that you could do anything. Every reading comes with a disclaimer good or bad, its what the stars have in-store for you. How does someone not feel suckered into that? Its what I took away from the readings, good or bad. For better or worse. Whether it was something that I needed to hear or something that I needed clarification on. Sometimes we need a little push to get our gears in motion. Sometimes we need a little clarification on things that are troubling in our heart. So I went against my better judgement and looked to signs, the universe, and waiting for things to happen. I knew what I was getting into. I knew with every reading a piece of myself stayed there. That I would move to bigger cities. Live by elements of water. Find everything I was looking for once I started looking for it. Then in 6 months life would change once I started living it. That a few years from now, my situation would change and I would ease into my new transitions. Truth is I loved hearing about the future. I loved it so much that I dragged my feet in my present because I knew my future was gonna be amazing. 15 years later, I am 30 and broke, still waiting on these signs that the future its going to be swell. I wanted this reassurance of the future. This pat on the back that everything was going to be okay. I needed a complete stranger that I paid to tell me things about myself that I already knew. I needed someone to save me from this feeling of failure and tell me that good things were just around the corner.

Truth of the matter is life changes in 6 months. Good or bad. People have the capacity of change from days to weeks from where we started. While I loved humoring myself with this supernatural hocus pocus, none of it was really real. The signs are everywhere, you just have to give everything a shot and do things yourself. You’re not the same person you were 6 months ago and 5 years from today who knows where you’ll be. I was so fixated on the idea that I needed to know who I am going to be, instead of preparing myself for who I wanted to be. It’s all in good fun and what I have learned from seeing all these different types of people is to remain positive about the future, good or bad. Go into life like you go into the psychic, all in good fun and with an open mind. Life isn’t suppose to be perfect, it isn’t suppose to be easy. While I don’t know where I’ll be 5 years from now, I just have to focus on the person I can be tomorrow. The last psychic I saw told me that 3 months from now my life was going to change. She was right. 3 months from now, my life will change. And like all the others I won’t be the same person I was yesterday or 3 months from now. But I don’t need a psychic to tell me things I already know about myself.

In the event any psychic are wondering, his name doesn’t start with a “J”.