Hares: Tits of Steel and Gay Matthews LambPack: Shop N Fuck, Roller Daddy, Just Ashley (NOSE H3), Knights of the Pound Table, Down Down on the Brown Brown (Reno H3), Cuff Me the Vampire Player, Sphincter Grease, AssAssInNation, Slothy Seconds, Not in My Hair, Cause For Blindness, Strawberry Shartcake, Rear Ender, Condom Fuck Sister, Me Shrub You Long Time, Just Gabrielle, Jewels of Duh Nile, Blew Men in Groups, Just Jordan (Virgin), 60K9, Dancing Fool, and Semen on the Poop DeckDo you love the holidays? Do you leave your decorations up until the spring? Well, if you can’t let go of the joy and celebration then read on for the holiday trash that didn’t come until after Groundhog Day (much like those who don’t come until after Groundhog Lay).The pack assembled at McCasker’s Tavern regaled in their holiday fare. There were ugly sweaters, festive onesies and illuminated accoutrements. There was conversation about holiday plans and the length of last year’s holiday trail which almost nobody finished true. We all met Blew Men’s virgin, Just Jordan, and explained the marks expected on trail. ON-ON.Trail was as shitty as any other and gave the pack many opportunities to enjoy holiday decorations, sing hashy carols, and enjoy the moist weather. Dancing Fool provided an impromptu BN at his parked car much to the delight of the thirsty hounds. Memorable moments were when Down Down tried to return Slothy to a store in the child’s seat of a grocery cart, when inflatable reindeer stables prompted a discussion of possible reindeer stripper names (On Harmony! On Ginger! On Cinnamon! On Krystal!), and when the hares led us down a back alley where we all got wet. Eventually we found SN at a delightful park with even more delightful pudding shots in little plastic cups. They are notable because it gave all the pack ample opportunity for cunnilingus references as the hungry hounds delved tongues into the boozy sweetness. ON-IN.Circle was as spirited as the pack in their holiday cheer with notable accusations to the puddle splashers for excessive moisture, to Knights of the Pound Table for the ugliest sweater, to the numerous BFM’ers it took to make Just Gabrielle come, and to Just Gabrielle in turn for the longest accusation since Cause For Blindness.

On a chilly December night, the BFM gathered at Fishtown-favorite Starboard Side Tavern to bid a fond farewell to Uncle Fister. A few points about our favorite druncle:

First of all, let’s acknowledge the missed opportunity of not calling this event “The Irish Goodbye.”

Second, let’s consider that Uncle Fister might be the worst Irish Goodbyer in the history of the BFM. How many times have we said farewell to this man? The rumor going around on trail was that he got named at his first alleged send-off event. We just can’t get rid of this guy. He has yet another goodbye hash planned with another kennel next weekend.

Third, let’s note that trail was almost as hareless as the hare was hairless, because Uncle Fister didn’t even show up (with co-hare Fort Dixalot in tow) until ten past 8. He made up for it by not having a beer near, and by not marking his false trails.

Fithster, if you are really leaving this time, know that your departure will leave a big bald hole in the BFM. We can’t usually understand what you are saying, but we know you are usually saying something kind. Sure, you’ve gotten kicked out of a bunch of bars and been more of a drunk train-wreck than most people in this group (a high standard!), but in less-intoxicated moments, you’ve also shown the kind of compassion, warmth, and good-heartedness that makes it an honor to know you. May the road rise up to meet you!

Sixth, acknowledge that there were other people at trail, but no one did anything interesting and Shop and Fuck had to make up a bunch of accusations to justify having a circle. For posterity: 3 Balls, Blackout or Backout, Fort Dixalot, Just Max, Knights of the Pound Table, Not in My Hair, Pantyphile, Rear Ended, Rear Engineer, Roadside ASSistance, Shop and Fuck, Slothy Seconds, Uncle Fister, Where’s my D?