I stopped praying big prayers. I did not want to pay the price because when you pray big prayers, God delivers big…and big comes at a cost. After 2017, I decided I would settle for good enough because I could not afford big.

In 2017, God removed things that meant the world to me – people that meant the world to me. In 2017, God walked me through so that I could get out. I prayed a lifetime of big prayers in less than 365 days.

While God per usual overdelivered on His promises, I was not prepared for the casualties. I was not ready for the war wounds. I did not understand the true meaning of cleaning house, and He definitely cleaned the house.

He cleaned corners and closets. He left skeletons to rot in the curb until the trash men could dispose of them properly. He ushered out people who were not meant to be a part of my future. He personally tore down infested areas that did me more harm than good. He pulled the weeds. He drove the loads away for proper disposal.

I loved those people and areas. I thought the weeds made for pretty backdrops, and He got rid of all of it. So I gave up big prayers.

I did not notice I had made the shift at first. I felt like I was still available. I felt like I was still ready to slay giants – tired but ready. Then one day, something woke me up in the middle of the night. I prayed in that moment about any and every thought that came to my mind. I woke up the next day, and I began to list all of the requests that came to my mind the night before. As I was wrapping up, I began to petition for big breakthroughs, for major blessings, and happily ever after. Yet, I tagged a stipulation on the end. I told Him not to do it if the breakthroughs and blessings would cost too much. I reminded God that I did not have the capacity for another 2017.

I intentionally put a limit on what God could do. I downsized my prayer in one simple statement, and I beat myself up over it for days.

I read all these devotions, books, and blogs. I repeated scripture. I researched scripture, and I still could not bring myself to change my prayer.

The limits were still there. Those were still my true thoughts. All the scriptures in the world did not flush out the fear. I became discouraged, and I did not want to talk about it here or anywhere else.

It was right there that God met me – in the middle of my fear and discouragement, in the middle of my unchanged prayer.

He whispered, “It’s ok Brittany.”

I looked up in disbelief. I thought, “how in the world could my half-hearted prayer be ok?”

Then He continued, “Life also allows for big prayers accompanied by small faith.”

Then He smiled.

I thought of my Facebook post stolen from my best friend’s brother-in-law on Instagram.

Source Unknown

I thought of my favorite verse.

“”Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew17:20

It was my turn to smile.

***

For anyone who feels doubt and discouragement,

For anyone at capacity,

For anyone who has ever put a stipulation on a prayer,

Remember that a prayer is simply an exercise of faith the size of a mustard seed. God is bigger than your doubts and discouragement. God can certainly manipulate past your stipulations.

Big faith is not necessary for big prayers. Mustard seed faith, ordinary faith, or even less than ordinary faith can get the job done. Wherever you are, God will meet you there.

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Published by ordinarilyextraordinarymom

My name is Brittany Bonnaffons, and I feel like I should have life figured out by now. I also feel like the world judges us by unrealistic standards. I have dedicated this blog to challenging standards and instead embracing yourself for who you are - ordinarily extraordinary.
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Yes! The audacity of mountain-moving faith. Those BIG prayers (and sometimes the small ones) cost too much sometimes, but oh, “the glory that shall be revealed in us!” Hugs, Brit. (Side note 1: place your blog title and address at the bottom of your printables. Side note 2: I received your card. I blogged about it Monday. Don’t know if you saw it. Thanks, again!)

No problem at all. It’s funny when I started writing, I didn’t actually have that verse in mind, but God began revealing the why as I began to write about my internal struggle. He always knows just how to remind us.

Prayer is my hardest spiritual discipline, and I have complicated it by forgetting Who it is that I’m talking to. My faith is small and intermittent, but God is always on duty, and He’s big. I have lots of questions about His ways, but I won’t make progress toward Him if I let my doubts keep me from coming to Him. Thanks for thinking all this through from your own perspective and experience!

Coming to Him is all He needs Michele. I know I carry around doubt also and enough questions for you, me, and anyone else combined. Yet, He keeps answering. And He keeps communicating because I keep the communication lines open. I almost did not write this post because all I had was a small, doubting prayer with no solution. Yet, as I kept communicating to Him in writing, He began to reveal promises I had tucked away for times just like this one.

This was fantastic, Brittany. Your journey makes so much sense to me. I have played hide and seek with God over big prayers. I have seen God move big in my life with the littlest prayer: “Lord, help me to want what you want.“

This is beautiful, Brittany! I noticed you told Michele (above) that you almost didn’t write this; I’m glad you did! Sometimes we don’t understand what He is trying to tell us till we start writing it down.
Mustard seed faith is all that we need! That’s good, because everyone has their moments of small faith. I remember Elijah, who had just had his great-faith-Mt.-Carmel victory and how fast he slipped into small faith and deep depression. But God let him get the rest he needed and sent an angel to feed him.
Fortunately, it was never about us reaching out to God but always about Him reaching out to us. And, He comes to us in our weakness and picks us up and holds us close. He takes the time to speak to us gently and to give us the healing we need before giving us the next set of instructions.
Love and prayers, sister. ❤

Thanks so much Ruth. Yes, I felt like I should have answers and I didn’t have any answers when I started…just a lot of doubt and fear. Still do. Life is crazy, but you are correct. God is running things and He will continue coming to us as long as we will have Him. Thanks so much!

I love that we can simply pray small words, not flashy look-at-me-words like the Pharisees did, and God shows up to Help with HUGE answers and in BIG ways even when we feel too incompetent to make our request. He perfectly knows.

I remember someone once saying to me, sometimes at the end of the day (usually the ones that gobsmack you), all you need to do is say thank you. And that’s enough. There is always some lesson, even in the worst of days. Thank you for sharing. 😘