Friday, September 6, 2013

I
have never particularly liked going to the doctor, but since my
diagnosis with MS I LOATH IT! Of course they always make you fill out
paper work each visit no matter what kind of doctor or visit it is.

The
usual questions….Name, birthday, do you smoke, kids, surgeries….and then
the dreaded question. Have you been diagnosed with a illness in the
past year?

Dear God I hate answering this question!!! I know I have
to…need to put yes, Multiple Sclerosis. But every inch of me wants to
put NO…I’m FINE!

But I such it up and be a big girl and write my disease
and all my medicines down in the little box provided...
I set, and wait.
Wait for the usual reaction that usually follows. By the time I’m called
back to see the doctor, I have prepared myself for the bombardment that
is soon to come. Yet as soon
as the words leave my doctor’s mouth: “ You
have MS…You’re so young, how’d it happen? Awe I’m sorry. That’s sad…you
have your whole life ahead of you” my face turns into a grimace. I grit
my teeth and reply to all their questions as politely as possible.

But
let’s just be honest, this happens so frequently that now a days
politeness is a rare occurrence! Yes I am young, it happened all of a
damn sudden, yeah it’s okay….and YEAH, I do have my whole life ahead of
me. I think I’m doing pretty damn good. I try very hard not to let this
crap get me down.

I definitely don’t need a pity party and for people to
act like my life is over. It’s far from over. I won’t let that happen
if at all possible. I plan on fighting this thing as hard as possible! I
will not set my ass in a wheelchair until that is my only option. I
will NOT cry in front of anyone, because I don’t want to appear weak. I
will NOT complain and whine all day everyday so people can think: Poor
little thing. Forget that!

Days are shitty for sure. Some days I can’t
stand my own self. I feel like digging a hole and jumping in, but to do
so that would require me to dig a hole and jump in and I haven’t got the
energy to do either! I just want to live my life. As hard and
complicated as it is. I want to struggle silently on my bad days and
laugh loudly on the others.

And when I do feel low I have a great
support community in Stan’s Angels. They get me through!!

And the
support of my friends and family make me strong. I am 28 years old.
Diagnosed with MS.

I have 2 kids that I care for full time! I have a
boyfriend, I am a daughter, sister and friend. I am making it…And that’s
what I really feel like writing in those damn little boxes at the
doctor’s office!