I described this on twitter as "a book about depression and being bad at making friends", but in a way that actually makes you feel better?? I love evI described this on twitter as "a book about depression and being bad at making friends", but in a way that actually makes you feel better?? I love everything about how Alice Oseman writes, so this was essentially a guaranteed fav.

It does deal with some very triggering topics at times, though, so please take care while reading! Tori's brother, Charlie, is struggling with an eating disorder and self-harm, and there are mentions of a suicide attempt/ideation. There's also a couple instances of bullying/assault....more

alice oseman is officially my favorite contemporary writer. her stories are brilliant and sensitive and diverse, and their reflections on friendship,alice oseman is officially my favorite contemporary writer. her stories are brilliant and sensitive and diverse, and their reflections on friendship, identity, internet culture, and art just feel real in a way that very, very few books i've read in my lifetime can achieve.

i'm super behind on reviews after finals, so if i don't get the chance to come back and add to this later please know that it was absolutely stunning and i highly recommend this book!! it's about fandom, fame, and friendship, and features an iranian hijabi girl and biracial (indian & italian) gay trans boy as main characters. ✨

I picked this up because I was looking for a cute sapphic romance, and that was……a3.25 stars.

So, I have some seriously mixed feelings about this book.

I picked this up because I was looking for a cute sapphic romance, and that was……about 50% of what I got??? I have such polarized Thoughts™️ about the dual POV here, so this will probably be one of the most scattered reviews I’ve written.

Let’s chat about the two main characters in Under the Lights:

Vanessa Park is a Korean-American actress on a popular sitcom. She’s struggling to balance her acting career with her family’s expectations, and feeling a little abandoned since her best friend left for NYU. Vanessa is interesting and relatable and sympathetic, with well-developed character arcs centered around her realization that she’s a lesbian and her decision to take charge of her own future.

Josh Chester, on the other hand, is a racist and misogynistic entitled fuckboy who does not deserve a single page of the POV chapters he’s given. I don’t even want to waste my own time talking about him in this review. He sucks. That’s it. Thanks for coming to this TED Talk.

Unfortunately for me, the chapters are split evenly between Vanessa and Josh’s perspectives. So while Vanessa’s chapters featured an adorable f/f romance, a bisexual love interest, and a well-written storyline, Josh’s featured……an asshole who learns to be slightly less of an asshole. I more or less skimmed his sections, but I’m just……confused as to why he was even a main character in the first place???

Ugghhhh.

I don't even know how to rate this. Vanessa’s story deserves 4-5 stars. Josh’s deserves zero. Consider this my formal petition for Josh’s chapters to be cut entirely and for this to be between Vanessa and Bri’s POVs.

(I did warn you that this review would be a mess.)

CW: homophobia, sex, racism

I received an ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review....more

This novella is a contemporary reimagining of Alice in Wonderland, featuring a queer, disabled black girl as the main character! Set in the Southern UThis novella is a contemporary reimagining of Alice in Wonderland, featuring a queer, disabled black girl as the main character! Set in the Southern United States, it follows Al’s story as she makes a new friend and struggles to become more independent from her overbearing mother—a cardiac surgeon known locally as “The Queen of Hearts”.

Al lives with vasovagal syndrome, a condition that causes her to faint unexpectedly when she’s startled, tired, or stressed. I was a little confused by the blurb because I thought this novella was going to have a bit of a paranormal element, but the “magic” involved is actually closer to holistic medicine. In the end, though, this isn’t a story about about Al being cured. It’s about her relationship with her mom, her personal independence, and a friendship that blossoms into a very sweet sapphic romance. I also really enjoyed the v atmospheric rural setting!

The age of the characters felt a little off—I enjoyed the writing, but the way Al’s voice was written felt closer to 14 than 17. On the whole, the novella feels slightly more geared towards the younger end of YA. I also wished it had been a bit longer. There were a handful of side characters who seemed interesting but didn’t get a ton of development, and it felt like they were only there to fulfill the Alice in Wonderland aspect of the it? I loved the creative interpretation, I just wanted to get to know them better!!

Overall, while I would have liked more side character development, this was still a sweet, well-written novella with disability rep and an f/f romance!

Many thanks to the author for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review!...more

This book feels less like a physical bundle of pieces of paper and more like a

you may be very small but you are all very important in the universe.

This book feels less like a physical bundle of pieces of paper and more like a late-night conversation with your best friend. It’s that moment of quiet understanding, of letting another person see inside your head and hold your thoughts in their hands and knowing that you trust them utterly and completely.

I’ve been trying for a while to write a comprehensive review for Radio Silence that can function as a perfect electronic manifestation of my unconditional love for this book, and I’ve come to the conclusion that this is simply not something I’m capable of. This is one of those stories that feel so valuable and precious that after you’ve finished, all you really want to do is hold the book to your chest and sit in a quiet room for a while and think.

I usually try to include a bit of plot summary in my reviews, but I feel like any attempt to summarize Frances and Aled’s story would be too reductive. I think it’s better to go in free of expectations, because this is very much a character-centered book. It’s about weirdness and friendship and a podcast, and the existential sense of disillusionment that comes along with realizing that the entire perspective on education and achievement and individual worth that you’ve been fed your entire life is, for lack of a better word, bullshit.

So rather than writing a well-organized, eloquently worded analysis of all of my thoughts and feelings on this book, please enjoy a list of all the reasons why this book means so much to me.

Also, apologies for all of the run-ons. I forget how to vary my sentence structure when I’m emotional.

THE WRITING

Frances’s voice is casual and close, personal and grounded. She’s honest and funny and awkward and so deeply relatable. Which isn’t even a word that feels like it can accurately convey how much I connected to her experiences, because we use it so often as a reflexively sarcastic response. But I mean it it in the sincerest way possible: so much of Frances’s experiences and perspectives reminded me of my own thoughts. (If they were a bit more elegantly phrased and had better-timed humor, of course.)

UNIVERSE CITY

I wonder sometimes whether you’ve exploded already, like a star, and what I’m seeing you is three million years into the past, and you’re not here anymore. How can we be together here, now, when you are so far away. When you are so far ago? I’m shouting so loudly, but you never turn around to see me. Perhaps it is I who have already exploded. Either way, we are going to bring beautiful things into the universe.

The whole concept of Aled’s Universe City podcast is just so. fucking. cool. If you’ve ever listened to Welcome to Night Vale, there are some definite parallels—both feature an isolated narrator in an odd, ominous, science fiction-y setting. From the little snippets we get, Universe City feels like a more introspective. It’s bizarre and whimsical, a quiet window into someone else’s loneliness.

So much of the current internet culture can be incredibly isolating—it’s hard to know for sure if anybody’s listening, or if what we do and say online has a real impact on other humans somewhere out in the world. And while this book does explore a bit of the darker side of internet fandoms, it’s also a testament to how stories and art can find homes in the hearts of an infinite audience of people who resonate with them.

Also, it may or may not have taken me until the end of the book to figure out what the title actually meant. *facepalm*

AND!! The fact that Alice Oseman is planning on actually making this podcast soon is sO AMAZING I AM PUMPED!!!!

WEIRD, WONDERFUL, AND WELL-DEVELOPED CHARACTERS

One of my favorite parts of Radio Silence was that Oseman lets her characters be unabashedly weird. There are plenty of books that portray nerdy, quirky teen characters, but I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that really GETS what that’s like in the way that this one does. The teens in this book are allowed to be unique, they have random hobbies and obscure interest, but it never feels gimmicky or manic-pixie-esque. They just…..exist.

Also, Frances’s mom is one of the most incredible parental figures I’ve ever read about in a YA novel. Seriously, name another book parent who watches Game of Thrones in a unicorn onesie AND gives solid life advice and unconditionally supports her daughter???

My real family is great and everything BUT if I had to create a fictional one please let me be co-adopted by Frances’s mom and Starr’s parents from The Hate U Give.

EMPHASIS ON THE IMPORTANCE OF PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS

I couldn’t quite believe how much I seriously loved Aled Last, even if it wasn’t in the ideal way that would make it socially acceptable for us to live together until we die.

Frances and Aled’s friendship is THE best platonic relationship I have ever read about in a book. There’s something so unique and special about the way their characters connect, how when Frances and Aled are together something just clicks. Something that feels easy and happy and wonderfully weird.

I love that from the very start, it’s made clear that this is not a story that centers romantic love. So often—in books and in real life—friendships are neglected and pushed to the side. They’re not idealized and prioritized in the way that romantic/sexual relationships nearly always are. Coming from someone who identifies on the ace spectrum (like one of this book’s main characters) this often feels isolating and invalidating. Radio Silence is a kind of love letter to platonic relationships (and a “fuck you” to hetero- and amatonormativity). It’s a reminder that a boy and a girl can have a meaningful relationship that never turns into a messy romantic extanglement. Even *gasp* when one of them is bisexual!!!

SO, SO MUCH DIVERSITY

“I think everyone’s a bit bored with boy-girl romances, anyway. I think the world’s had enough of those, to be honest.”

Frances is biracial (English and Ethiopian) and bisexual, Aled is on the ace spectrum and in an m/m relationship, Daniel is British-Korean and gay, Carys is a lesbian, and Raine is Indian. And it’s never explicitly stated, but Aled struggles with depression throughout a large portion of the book.

(If you didn’t know, Alice Oseman is also a brilliant artist! The above character sketch is from her Tumblr, and she’s done so many more lovely drawings of her characters!! AND if you haven’t checked it out yet, please please please do yourself a favor and go read her webcomic Heartstopper!!!)

A lot of the queer representation was really personal for me, and I felt so understood while reading this story. I identify as bisexual, and I thought that aspect of Frances’s identity was so well-written. I really appreciated that her sexuality was both an important and casual part of who she is.

There’s also this line, which is one of the most iconic and relatable bisexual epiphany moments ever:

“I could do anything, though. I could get a septum piercing.”

(I feel like inserting a picture of my face here would kinda break the flow, but last August I may or may not have come out to a bunch of people and then promptly gotten a septum piercing before fleeing the country to go live in China for a while. So.)

As much as I connected to Frances’s discussions about her queerness, I think I connected to Aled even more. This is still one of only a handful of books I’ve read that use the words asexual and demisexual on the page, and seeing a character openly discuss his identity this way was a HUGE DEAL for me. Being ace is something that’s a lot trickier to define for me than being bi, but it’s just as significant a part of my identity. Still, it’s not easy to put into words, and I felt every word of what Aled was saying because it’s precisely how I feel.

CRITICISM OF TRADITIONAL EDUCATION AND THE CULTURE OF OVERACHIEVING

Being clever was, after all, my primary source of self-esteem. I’m a very sad person, in all senses of the word, but at least I was going to get into university.

The way education systems are presented also resonated with a lot of my own experiences.

I essentially was Frances in high school. And looking back, I feel like a kind of ridiculous proportion of my personality revolved around studying and obsessing over academics. I spent my last two years of high school putting myself through hell repeatedly to get an IB diploma. And I’m absolutely grateful that I had the opportunity to devote myself to my studies, as well as proud of myself for achieving it. In the years since my graduation, though, my feelings about that period of my education have become sort of bittersweet.

When the time came for me to attend university……I almost couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t really understand why I felt that way. I didn’t realize how intensely I’d burned myself out, and how toxic a competitive, traditional college experience would be for me. Like Frances and Aled, though, it took me a long time to fully understand that. It’s hard to accept that the image of success you’ve spent your life building up to is more of an illusion than a reality, and that it’s not possible or the right choice for a lot of people. It’s hard to let go of a goal you’ve dedicated so much time towards and made so many sacrifices for, to realize that choosing a different path isn’t the same thing as giving up.

“I see you in every fire that lights. In the end I wish it had been me who’d fallen into the Fire, though maybe that’s a selfish thing to say. The Fire that touched you must have come from a star. You were always brave enough to get burned in the Fire.”

All in all, Radio Silence has immediately become one of my all-time favorites. The wonderful queer rep felt like the written equivalent of a perfectly warm and fluffy steamed bun, and I absolutely loved the overarching concepts and themes Oseman managed to bring together. This the kind of contemporary that represents most accurately where I’m at in life—existential and somewhat adrift, mostly an adult but still trying to adjust to a future that isn’t quite what I expected.

I’m really struggling to get into this, and I think this one just isn't going to be for me. There's not anything wrong with it, but I don'tdnf @ 25%.

I’m really struggling to get into this, and I think this one just isn't going to be for me. There's not anything wrong with it, but I don't usually read contemporary romance and I'm really not in the mood for it at the moment.

(This was also an attempted buddy read with Silvia....hopefully we will have an actual buddy read sometime soon <3)

I received a copy via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review....more

I think I’ll probably get around to writing a longer, proper review of this comic series on my blog after the next issue comes out, because for now myI think I’ll probably get around to writing a longer, proper review of this comic series on my blog after the next issue comes out, because for now my mind is basically just:

sooooo this review comes to you in the form of a quick (semi-spoilery) list!

Reasons Why I Love This Comic, brought to you by emma:

▪️ seiji and nicholas are already being so petty and I love it ▪️ ICYMI this features BOTH the roommates and enemies to lovers trope ▪️ “I’m going to make you remember it” dsjjkasdfff ▪️ that fucking duck shower curtain ▪️ the fact that seiji has to sleep completely tucked in and nicholas is predictably a mess ▪️ coach williams is already such a badass, I love her! ▪️ all of the characters introduced so far are 👌👌👌 ▪️ but also I’m ready to throw hands at these people who messed with nicholas ▪️ BOBBY THO *heart eyes* ▪️ the “bobby vision vs. nicholas vision” part made me cACKLE ▪️ “aiden dumped me” ▪️ I wish my eyeliner looked as good as aiden’s tbh ▪️ there can only be THREE on the team oh my god I’m not ready for this drama ▪️ overall I just love the casual queer rep!!! ▪️ heteronormativity and gender norms?? don’t know them ▪️ there are no coming out scenes, no scenes of characters worrying about people reacting negatively to the way they dress or who they’re crushing on ▪️ it’s just,,, THERE and it’s so simple and nice

ANYWAY the next issue comes out on my birthday?? what did I do to deserve this gift????...more

“I think I just assumed everyone looked at girls that way. Because girls are beautiful and pretty and why wouldn’t you want them? Took me a little wh

“I think I just assumed everyone looked at girls that way. Because girls are beautiful and pretty and why wouldn’t you want them? Took me a little while to realize that wasn’t the case.”

So so so so cute and my first finished #sapphicathon read!! This is a quick and super adorable romance between two high school seniors: a cocky cheerleader, Stella, and a nerdy girl, Kyle. While a bit cliché at times, I really enjoyed the way their rivalry developed slowly into friendship and a deeper emotional connection.

A few minor complaints: the girls' voices did sort of blend together at times—there were a few chapters where I had to keep going back to check who was narrating. The overuse of the word “bitch” also bothered me, and the way one of the girls complained that women are “more complicated” than men.

Hello, if you aren't eagerly following this new series then you should be!!!

The first issue of Fence introduces sixteen-year-old Nicholas Cox, a younHello, if you aren't eagerly following this new series then you should be!!!

The first issue of Fence introduces sixteen-year-old Nicholas Cox, a young athlete with hopes of making it in the cutthroat world of competitive fencing. He’s devoted to the sport despite his limited training, and when he finally enters his first competition he finds himself facing off against renowned prodigy Seiji Katayama.

We’ve only been introduced to a handful of characters so far, but I can NOT wait to learn more about them!! I’m honestly not usually into sports-based books or shows, but I’m a sucker for anything with great character development and it seems like this series will deliver on that count. It’s also been promised that Fence will be “joyously and unabashedly queer”, and I am HERE for this content.

Also, I want to include a shoutout and thank you to Silvia, for hyping this up on twitter and converting me into a fan. 💕

Overall, I loved both the art and the writing, and I can’t wait to see where the next installment takes this story!...more

I got approved for this on NetGalley within 24 hours and I have honestly never felt so validated as a gay book nerd??? I binge read this over the courI got approved for this on NetGalley within 24 hours and I have honestly never felt so validated as a gay book nerd??? I binge read this over the course of two days, and it was basically the equivalent of a giant bowl of caramel popcorn with chocolate drizzles. It’s sweet and fun and ICYMI these girls made my heart feel all warm and soft!!

The Love Song of Sawyer Bell is a quick, sweet f/f romance about two musicians falling in love during a summer tour. Vix is the lead singer of her own band, and desperately in need of a new violinist. Sawyer is a Juilliard student looking for an escape—a break in the monotony of an environment she’s slowly come to despise. It’s a summer of self-discovery for both of them, of honesty and friendship and romance. Theirs is a story about of following your passion and finding yourself—both on and off-stage.

Throughout the book, Gale does a fantastic job of addressing bi erasure, stereotypes, fetishization, and whole bunch of other issues. Vix is proudly bisexual, and speaks openly about her sexuality. She calls out strangers, acquaintances, and even people close to her on some of the problematic statements/assumptions they make. This is probably one of the most bi-positive books I’ve ever read, and it made my little bi heart v happy!!!! (also: Jax—one of Vix and Sawyer’s other bandmates—is bi as well, and apparently there's gonna be a book about him so !!!!!!) Sawyer is a lesbian, and only just starting to come out and explore her own sexuality. I loved that she was given space to figure things out in an environment that supported her—and that some of her more naive assumptions were corrected by other characters.

On the subject of tackling important issues, the story also addresses sexism in the music industry—which is something Vix has struggled with over the course of her career.

The only aspect of the book that felt slightly iffy to me was the background ace rep. Connor, one of the other band members, is on-the-page ace. Although it’s never specified whether he’s aro as well, he’s definitely presented as having no interest in romantic OR sexual relationships. As someone who identifies on the ace spectrum but not aro, this kinda read as equating asexuality and aromanticism……which was frustrating. Asexuality is such a nuanced and diverse identity, and this rep felt sorta reductive. Again, Connor's sexuality is v much a background thing in regards to the overall story, but it did nag at me as something that needed clarification/better explanation. (maybe in future books??)

Overall, this was a fun story about music and soft gay girls that I highly recommend to anyone looking for a good f/f romance! :)

I received a copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

“What matters is the truth of loving, of two people finding each other. That’s what's important, and don't you forget it.”

I really wish I’d read thi

“What matters is the truth of loving, of two people finding each other. That’s what's important, and don't you forget it.”

I really wish I’d read this book earlier. I definitely still appreciated it as an adult, but I feel like this book could have been incredibly important for me as a younger teen. Being able to read a book about two girls in high school falling in love, a story about two girls realizing they like girls…a story like this one would have made a huge difference in my life. It took me a long, long time to figure out my own queerness, and a lot of that was due to the complete lack of any f/f relationships in the books I read, the movies I watched…the stories I was told in any form, really.

This book makes me grateful for how far things have come in the last 35 years. It reminds me of the ways in which my life is easier thanks to the struggles that the generations of queer people before me have had to endure. There’s still quite a long way to go, but Annie and Liza’s story gives me hope for the future.

I received a copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review....more

- cute and fluffy and fun - one of the main characters loves dinosaurs!!!! (I love dinosaurs so this is v excitingreasons why this book is wonderful:

- cute and fluffy and fun - one of the main characters loves dinosaurs!!!! (I love dinosaurs so this is v exciting to me) - the “enemies to lovers even though it’s clear from page one that we’re in love” trope - positive, healthy relationships with loving and supportive family members

most importantly: Labels!! are!! used!!! Cal is canonically on-the-page demi and pan, and explains the reasoning behind why he identifies that way!!!!! Back in my review of Leo Loves Aries, I mentioned that I’d wished the book had let Theo be on-the-page bisexual (or even address the possibility of using the label), and in this book it did finally happen! Theo has a cameo and talks about how it took him a while but he realized he’s bi—which is some #relatable content if I’ve ever seen it.

another note—the whole astrology aspect of this series isn’t really a very prominent feature. the main characters aren’t the ones who are particularly interested in it, and neither am I, so that worked out.

this is a v good read if you want something sweet and cute and a little tropey but very well-done :)))

I received an ARC from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review....more

Yes, hello, I’m back here again with a mini review bc my life is craz4.5 stars.

For me, womanhood is radical enough for anyone who dares to claim it.

Yes, hello, I’m back here again with a mini review bc my life is crazy busy and I’m v behind on these!! it hurts my heart that I don’t have enough time to write this book the long and beautiful review it deserves, but please just know that I genuinely believe everyone should read it !!!!!!!

A very brief (and vague) summary:

As a lesbian latinx woman from the Bronx, Juliet thinks she has a reasonable understanding of womanhood, queerness, and her identity as a woman of color. She arrives in Portland, Oregon for a summer internship with Harlow Brisbane—the author of one of her favorite books, and resident feminist icon—believing that working with her idol will help her to figure out her life, whatever that means. Once she arrives, though, Juliet realizes that neither Harlowe, Portland, or herself are quite what she imagined.

That was a purposefully vague summary, because this is a very hard book to describe. It’s largely plotless, which is something that often annoys me, but it worked perfectly in this case. It’s a very character-based coming-of-age story about a girl learning to understand her own identity, and how she fits into the larger world. This is an internal book, one that focuses on personal experiences and challenging one’s own preconceptions. Rivera’s characters are flawed. They are problematic sometimes. They fuck up, they say offensive shit, but most importantly their words are challenged and they learn to know and be better.

The entire book is super, super diverse—the MC is lesbian and Puerto Rican, and literally almost every single other character is queer, poc, and/or female !!!! (This is also ownvoices rep, as the author herself is a queer latina woman. In an author’s note, she states that much of Juliet’s story was inspired by people or events in her own life.) There’s also a Korean-American romantic interest, a poly relationship, queer female friendships, and multiple f/f romantic relationships (although the focus of this book is never really romance).

There are multiple sections that include rather long explanations about sexuality, gender identity, feminism, and racial discrimination/microaggressions—just to name a few of the issues this book tackles—so it may come across as a little overexplanatory if you’re already v familiar with these topics. I think they’re all incorporated quite well into the story, though, and could potentially be super helpful for any readers who are just starting to understand these subjects.

There were a few plot and character threads that seemed to pop up and disappear, like Juliet’s projecting researching inspiring female figures, but overall I really don’t have any major complaints about this. It was absolutely fantastic, and all I want is to run around gifting beautiful copies of it to every single person I know!!!

I’m realizing now that this isn’t much of a mini review, but I’m gonna cut myself off here bc if I let myself go on about this book for much longer I’ll never get around to posting this review soooooo

I’ll leave you with a few more lovely quotes:

We are not damaged. We have suffered from the brutality of an inherently violent system that favors maleness over womanhood. We’ve been victimized but that doesn’t make us all victims. We’re not the outcomes of what men have done to us. I refuse to be reduced to that.

“You are your own person, Juliet. If it’s a phase, so what? If it’s your whole life, who cares? You’re destined to evolve and understand yourself in ways you never imagined before. And you’ve got our blood running through your beautiful veins, so no matter what, you’ve been blessed with the spirit of women who know how to love.”

Kiss everyone. Ask first. Always ask first and then kiss the way stars burn in the sky.

I received an ARC from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review....more

I'm pretty conflicted about this one. On one hand, I thought Adam's story and development were absolutely fantastic. On the other, I was bey3.5 stars.

I'm pretty conflicted about this one. On one hand, I thought Adam's story and development were absolutely fantastic. On the other, I was beyond confused by the weird paranormal side plot. I don't think I've ever experienced this level of polarized feelings toward two narrators in a book, so let's try to sort this out with a list, shall we?

Stuff I liked:

Teenagers' feelings aren't discredited because of their youth. I'm 20 now, but one of the most frustrating things about being a teenager was the idea that just because you're young, you're not capable of fully experiencing life. (This still happens to me, but not quite as often as it did five years ago.) This book is a reminder that teenage love is still love, and your age doesn’t discredit the depth of your feelings.

The sense of openness and honesty. This whole book is such an open look at youth and love and sexuality, struggling against internalized homophobia, and trying to find your place in a world that feels too small at times. It took me a while to read this, mainly because a lot of it felt very personal to me.

It's sad, but not overwhelmingly depressing.Release is a dark book. It made me cry multiple times, and Adam's situation is so desperate and heartbreaking at some points. Still, it manages to end on a lighter note, and emphasizes the goodness and love that he has found in life.

The fantastic friendship between Adam and Angela. Angela was adopted from Korea by a Dutch mother and American father, and her family has become an incredibly important, loving presence in Adam's life. Adam and Angela have the absolute best kind of friendship—one that goes so deep that you never have to question whether the other person will be there when you need them, they simply are. The kind where it feels like a literal part of you is pulled away from the whole when you realize your lives may be heading in separate directions.

The discussion of labeling. Adam is gay, and his best friend Angela is questioning her own sexuality. Towards the beginning of the book they have a Really Good Talk about labels, and why they work for some people and not for others. For Angela, not using a label is a kind of freedom, but for Adam it’s a really important way of understanding and expressing his own identity.

“When I realized how things were, when I said to myself that I am not this thing that I’ve been told I have to be, that I am this other thing instead…the label didn’t feel like a prison, it felt like a whole new freaking map, and now I can take any journey I want to take and it’s possible I might even find a home there. It’s not a reduction. It’s a key.”

I've read a lot of books lately that are really awesome about including (and discussing) labels, but I think this quote was probably one of the best ones I've found that sum up my own experience with self-identifying.

Stuff I didn't like:

The weird parallel ghost story. I was just.......confused, more than anything else. The writing in those chapters was so dense and convoluted, and I genuinely could not make any sense of the plot. It's been a week and a half since I read it at this point.........I remember something about a faun? and a queen? and a possessed dead girl who was murdered?? I feel like I'm making it sound much cooler than it was, so let me make this clear: it was a bizarre, jumbled mess. I ended up skimming most a lot of those chapters, and from what I could tell they were really only tangentially related to Adam's story.

Something else to note: this book comes with a MASSIVE trigger warning for homophobia and sexual harassment. There were some scenes between Adam and his father that were incredibly sad and painful to read. (To be completely honest I kinda skimmed past most of the side plot chapters, but I think there may be triggers for drug use in there, too.)

Despite my mixed feelings, I still recommend this. Maybe you'll like the paranormal shit, but even if you don't I still think Adam's story is worth the read.

I received an ARC from the publisher via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review....more

I just got off a fucking 12-hour-long flight to China and I spent approximately half of those hours reading this book, periodicallyFULL REVIEW POSTED:

I just got off a fucking 12-hour-long flight to China and I spent approximately half of those hours reading this book, periodically crying, and sitting in my seat staring out at a view of endless clouds because I was not emotionally prepared to just go on with life after finishing this book. (Update: it’s now been more than ten days since I finished this and I still have a lot of feelings.)

Stories can make someone immortal as long as someone else is willing to listen.

FYI: this review will be messy and sappy because I feel like this story drained all of the salt and hardness out of me and now I am just a very soft marshmallow that is somehow still managing to hold some semblance of a human form. (Apparently I only write in run-on sentences now. Also, I wrote most of this in the middle of the aforementioned 12-hour flight, so I was tired but somehow also hyper and honestly just running on book feels at that point.)

So, the concept of this book is pretty much one of the biggest mindfucks I could ever imagine.

Picture this—it’s just after midnight on a day like any other. You’re lying in bed, trying to fall asleep on a school night, or maybe you’re watching tv because you just had to find out whether or not your favorite character survives the next episode, or maybe you’re working a late shift because you need some extra cash. And then your phone rings, with news that will very literally change the rest of your life: you’re going to die today. I know, it sounds like the beginning of a cross between a dark, creepy sci-fi book and some cheesy Hallmark movie, one of those cliché Sad Stories™ that will make you cry while shoving a bunch of tired carpe diem-esque quotes down your throat.

I can’t say that this won’t make you cry, but I can say that it is one of the single most powerfully emotional books I have read in the last year. It’s sad and heartbreaking, but it’s also genuine and empowering and even hopeful. This was my first Adam Silvera book, but I will 100% be checking out his others as soon as I can.

They Both Die at the End follows the lives of Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio, two teens who manage to find each other and fall for each other on the day they’re both destined to die. Mateo has always been shy and introverted, while Rufus has led a more open and outgoing life, but neither feels as though they’ve had the chance to truly be themselves. This is the story of what happens when you have to pack a lifetime of emotions and experiences into a day that might not even last twenty-four hours, of the impossibility of finding the person who finally gets you and knowing you could be just minutes from losing them. It's sad and sweet and sentimental, and the boys’ relationships with their families, friends, and each other felt so raw and real.

Mateo is gay and Rufus is bisexual, and they come from Puerto Rican and Cuban families respectively, so it was really nice to see such diverse MCs! Each of the side characters was also well-rounded and unique, and the threads of their lives and stories were woven so flawlessly into the main plotline. No matter how brief their appearance, no character's life or experiences feel meaningless. I especially loved reading about Lidia. I feel like the trope of “teen mom who dropped out of high school” is too often portrayed as the metaphorical end of a person’s life, or alternately some kind of transformation into a saintly maternal figure. But Lidia is a full and complex person. She's loving and flawed but also smart and strong and resilient, living a life that has no lesser meaning than anyone else’s.

“Why can’t we have a chance?” I ask Rufus.“A chance at what?”“A chance at another chance,” I say. “Why can’t we knock on Death’s door and beg or barter or arm-wrestle or have a staring contest for the chance to keep living? I’d even want to fight for the chance to decide how I die. I’d go in my sleep.” And I would only go to sleep after I lived bravely, as the kind of person someone would want to wrap their arm around, who would maybe even nuzzle against my chin or shoulder, and go on and on about how happy we were to be alive with each other without question.

At its core, this is a book about small acts of courage. It’s about all those moments you wanted to tell someone you loved them but didn’t want to come across as lame or cheesy, all those times you wanted to tell your friends and family something important but were too scared to find a way to bring it up in conversation. And I guess this story resonated with me really fucking hard in a lot of ways, because I don’t want to be a person who waits until the day they’re going to die to be completely honest with the people I care about most. So I’m grateful to this book and Adam Silvera (if you ever read this, hello and thank you, this whole book was really important to me but I don’t think an author’s note has ever made me cry before). It gave me a push, reminded me that a lot of the excuses I make every day are bullshit and—directly and indirectly—helped me have the guts to finally tell two of the people I love the most that I’m bi. (a lot of that confidence was also thanks to some very lovely online friends, if you’re reading this you probably know who you are and that I love you lots. 💙💙💙) Anyway, there was a lot about this book that was deeply personal for me. These characters and their stories have carved out a little nook in a corner of my heart, and I’ll carry them with me for a long time. 💙

You may be born into a family, but you walk into friendships. Some you’ll discover you should put behind you. Others are worth every risk.

This book comes out tomorrow, so go pick up a copy from the bookstore/order one online/put a hold on it at your local library!

tw: anxiety, mentions of/thinking about suicide

I received an ARC via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review. The quotes in this review were taken from an advance copy and are subject to change.

So…I have a lot of emotions about this book. This is a unique, diverse love story, and it’s unlike any I’ve read before.

tw: rape, eating disorders, alSo…I have a lot of emotions about this book. This is a unique, diverse love story, and it’s unlike any I’ve read before.

tw: rape, eating disorders, alcoholism, abuse, attempted suicide

Jaya and Rasa follows the stories of the two title characters: the difficulties they face, and the love that blossoms between them despite their circumstances. Jaya is a trans boy of Indian descent, born into a wealthy but dysfunctional family. Rasa is the daughter of a prostitute, and struggles to care for her three younger siblings in an impoverished household.

The main characters are the greatest strength of this book: they’re those rare characters who feel so fully and accurately developed that you feel as though you’re reading a biography, or listening to a friend tell a story. Jaya and Rasa are two teenagers who find themselves in positions where they feel trapped, but somehow, they also manage to find each other.

This book addresses a host of subjects related to class, race, health, gender identity, abuse, and social issues, including but not limited to:

- discrimination against native Hawaiians whose land has been stolen by non-Hawaiians - what it’s like trying to support a family while living in poverty - prostitution - verbal, physical, and sexual abuse - eating disorders - alcoholism - coming out as trans to friends and family

This book can be a bit heavy at times. Some moments can be violent and sad, but overall it is a story of two young characters struggling to come to terms with the discrimination, exploitation, and skewed sense of morals they encounter in the world around them. Jaya and Rasa both have difficult lives, but the author shows that there is goodness and love to be found in other people, even if it takes time to see and accept.

I also want to add a disclaimer here: these are not subjects with which I have personal experience. While I have varying levels of knowledge about some of them, I know that I am not capable of judging whether or not the representation in this book is accurate or fair. As I write this review, there aren’t any other lengthy reviews on Goodreads, but I hope that as the publication date approaches there will be more feedback from ownvoices reviewers. If you’ve read this book and have any thoughts on the representation, please comment or message me and let me know. Diversity in literature is important, but what’s even more important is creating a discourse about these books and listening to other people’s opinions and reactions.

My only real complaint about this book was that the ending felt very rushed and abrupt. There was so much drama packed into those last 20 pages, and it was only barely beginning to be resolved when the book ended. I also wished we’d gotten to see more of Rasa’s siblings in the second half of the book. They seemed like they were starting to have some really interesting development in the beginning, and I wish we’d gotten to see more of their side of the story in the other foster home.

I received an ARC from the publisher via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.

If only lonely were a more accurate word. It should sound much less pretty.

Sometimes you happen across a book at exactly the right time in your life

If only lonely were a more accurate word. It should sound much less pretty.

Sometimes you happen across a book at exactly the right time in your life. A book that feels less like a bundle of words on pages and more like a mirror, as though someone else has managed to chart your swirling thoughts and feelings the way astronomers chart the stars.

We Are Okay was one of those stories for me.

I bought this on impulse as a sort of end-of-summer present for myself back in August, reasoning that 1) it was small, so it would fit in my suitcase, 2) it had an absolutely stunning cover, so even if I didn’t like it I could enjoy staring at it on my shelf, and 3) I’ve been meaning to finally read one of Nina LaCour’s books for ages now.

So when I moved into my dorm room this semester, when I unpacked my single suitcase and did my best to make the bare shelves and blank walls look full, I propped this book up on a shelf. I meant to read it right away, but I got sucked into the cycle of busyness and stress that is college in China. When I did finally pick it up, it was a chilly November afternoon and I REALLY should have been working on assignments……but something about the writing seemed to surgically insert itself into this place in my heart that didn’t realize just how much I needed this book until that moment and I. Just. Couldn’t. Stop.

This book is a lot of things, but above all, the word I’d use to describe it is quiet. It’s snow falling through the night, it’s lying in bed and staring at the tiny cracks in your ceiling, it’s sitting in comfortable silence with a friend and feeling completely understood.

We were innocent enough to think that our lives were what we thought they were, that if we pieced all of the facts about ourselves together they'd form an image that made sense—that looked like us when we looked in the mirror, that looked like our living rooms and our kitchens and the people who raised us—instead of revealing all the things we didn’t know.

I don’t even want to discuss the plot here, because I think this book works its magic best without any expectations or assumptions getting in the way. I have seen a few other reviews that claim this book is boring, and while I don’t want to say that anyone who felt that way is wrong……I think perhaps they may not have been able to understand and connect with what it was really about. This is NOT by any means a plot-driven book. It’s a softer, more emotional portrait of isolation and grief and loneliness and grappling with the realization that maybe you’re not the person you used to be, and maybe you never were in the first place.

Marin’s story is split between her current life—alone at college in New York, and her previous life—living with her grandfather in California. I loved the juxtaposition of these two environments, the way her past is given time to unravel and settle, and especially the way her friendship and romance with Mabel were written.

We were miraculous.We were beach creatures.We had treasures in our pockets and each other on our skin.

I also want to note that although there is a f/f relationship, this is not by any means a romance. This is the kind of book that starts off strong but still mostly unassuming, tiptoeing around you so gently that you don’t realize just how wrapped up in it you are until it’s 11pm and you’re crying in your room and your friends are knocking on your door asking if you’re going to be able to get over your book feels in time to go clubbing with them.

So yeah, I really loved this one. And I think if I spend too much more time on this review, I’ll collapse into a puddle of feelings and smeared mascara all over again so I’ll end on another beautiful quote:

I must have shut grief out. Found it in books. Cried over fiction instead of the truth. The truth was unconfined, unadorned. There was no poetic language to it, no yellow butterflies, no epic floods. There wasn't a town trapped underwater or generations of men with the same name destined to repeat the same mistakes. The truth was vast enough to drown in.

I know we’re not even all of the way through the first month of 2018 but DAMN this has already been a fantastic year for me in books.

I was a little neI know we’re not even all of the way through the first month of 2018 but DAMN this has already been a fantastic year for me in books.

I was a little nervous to start Tash Hearts Tolstoy, because none of my close friends had read it yet and I didn’t have any strong recommendations or endorsements to go off of. Also, I have yet to read Anna Karenina or anything else by Tolstoy, so I was also worried there would be too many references I wouldn’t understand. Mainly, I was REALLY hoping I would enjoy the ace rep, because I’ve read so few books with characters that I feel I can relate to and see myself in when it comes to that aspect of my identity.

Our main character, Tash Zelenka, is the creator of a YouTube series called Unhappy Families—a modern-day adaptation of Anna Karenina. She’s an aspiring filmmaker whose world abruptly shifts when her amateur web series goes viral. Suddenly, she’s grappling with the stresses and responsibilities that come along with having a fandom, and struggling to balance this new pressure with her relationships with friends and family. In addition to all of this, she’s only recently come to terms with her identity as heteroromantic asexual, and she’s not quite sure how to tell her friends—or her crush.

This book is so many things, but above all I feel like the word that best describes it is bighearted. Tash is not a perfect person by any means, but she is a good person who’s trying to juggle a host of responsibilities and personal problems while under a lot of pressure. Her story delves into a lot of discussions about friendship and identity and family and art, and I want to talk about how personal and special each of these was for me.

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

A grave is just a grave, and I don’t think Gramps and Nana are sentient ghosts who know we’re paying them a visit. But the memories I have of them—Nana’s goulash and early morning games of rummy and Gramps laughing harder than we did at cartoons on television—those are still alive, and they grow much brighter when I’m at Evergreen Memorial.

I love the discussions of family dynamics, of reflecting on migration and legacy and responsibility. The relationships between Tash and each of her family members were unique and had a dynamic that felt realistic and full. This book captured family in all of its emotional complexity and messiness—from the guilt of growing up and growing away from parents, to the struggles of maintaining relationships with relatives abroad, to the love for people who have passed away that never truly fades.

Additional rep to note: Tash and her mother are Buddhist! And this second one isn’t really diverse rep, but that means they’re also vegetarian, which is something that’s pretty rare to see in a book. :)

CREATING ART

No matter what happens in the future, we share this: We told a story together, and we wouldn’t have been able to do it without each other’s help. No one else can share this part of our lives. No one else can fully understand it like the nine of us.

Tash’s webseries, and all of the practices and planning and dedication that go into it felt like a really lovely portrayal of what it’s like to create art with people. Creating something with friends is harder than working alone in many ways, but it can be such a fulfilling and satisfying and emotionally bonding experience. You see all of the ugly and beautiful parts of who people are, and when it comes to an end there’s that weird nostalgia of knowing you'll never all be together in that same way again. Tash's arc also reflects a lot on the pressure to create consistently, and how frustrating and unsustainable it is for a lot of people.

COLLEGE, AND THE NUANCES OF PURSUING AN ARTISTIC CAREER

This is sort of an extension of the “creating art” subject, but I loved that this book also dealt with how artistic aspirations factor into making decisions about college. Tash is incredibly passionate about pursuing filmmaking, and she’s spent years planning out her future around attending the prestigious film program at Vanderbilt. Over the course of the book, though, she has to reconsider that plan, and try to think about the smartest approach to her future.

I feel like so often these types of conflicts and arguments are oversimplified and reductive, because in reality it's a really complicated situation. And I don’t say this to try to be a downer, or criticize anyone who does get that opportunity. But speaking as an aspiring writer who’s majoring in Global Studies and currently working as a publishing house and agency intern, pursuing an artistic career is NOT a linear process. I know it sucks to have adults telling you to make more financially secure decisions and think about more sensible career options beyond just creating art. Still, they’re right. You can’t assume you’ll find success easily, and if you’re really dedicated to your art you HAVE to have some pragmatism and realism to go along with your confidence and determination.

ASEXUALITY

“I know what I want and what I don’t want. I’ve never wanted sex. Never. I’ve never understood why it has to be in every book and movie and television show ever made. I’ve never figured out why porn is such a huge thing. I’ll be find if no guy ever takes his shirt off for me. I’m not scared. I just don’t want it.”

The ace rep is the main reason this book meant the world to me. While Tash’s orientations may not line up precisely with mine (I identify sort of loosely as gray aroace as well as bisexual), Ormsbee has done a superb job of capturing what it’s like to question and come to terms with your own asexuality. It’s scary and liberating process, one that’s plagued by periods of intense self-doubt. So much care and nuance went into describing Tash’s experiences, and I was able to see so many of my own feelings in her.

The comparisons between coming out as gay and coming out as ace had some pretty spot-on observations, too. Because yeah, asexual people don't face as blatant prejudice and discrimination as most other queer people, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t also marginalized. Tash acknowledges that she's privileged because she's straight, while discussing some of the problems she does encounter as a heteroromantic ace. Belonging to an identity that is systematically erased and ignored (even within the queer community) has its own set of microaggressions and problems that are often difficult for others to see from the outside.

I wonder if it’s too much to ask for a pass into an alternate dimension, where it’s just not an issue. Because stuck in this particular dimension, I wonder if I’m only ever going to be a disappointment. A not-quite-right human. A girl in need of fixing.

Trying to come out as ace is frustrating and exhausting to the point that I often don’t even want to bother telling people because I know they won't understand. Even if they are open and considerate, it still involves the emotional, uncomfortable labor of explaining something that is immensely personal, of having that pressure on your shoulders to explain it perfectly. It's trying to speak up about something that's an innate part of who you are, and being brushed off—either because people think it's a confused phase, or because they think your orientation is some kind of abstinence advocacy. Being ace/aro also means feeling erased in your own community, and having to endure the hurtful ignorance of people who go around claiming that the A in LGBTQIAP+ stands for "Ally". (Quick recap in case you need one—allies aren't a part of the queer community!! Ace people are!!!!) I talk about being bisexual on here all the time, but one of the reasons I don't bring up asexuality as often is because I worry about these things. Bisexuals have enough problems with misconceptions, but in my experience, it's even worse for ace and aro folks because of how lower our visibility is.

Basically, Tash’s story meant a lot to me, and I hope lots of other people will feel the same way while reading. This is a warm and wonderful book that felt very lovingly written, and I’m so so SO grateful for its existence.

update: please go read em's lovely review as well!!! this book was so special for both of us and I'm very happy we got to share this reading experience ❤ ❤ ❤

Holy shit guys, this was funny and cute as fuck. I literally just spent the last three hours sitting in front of my computer with a smile on my face.Holy shit guys, this was funny and cute as fuck. I literally just spent the last three hours sitting in front of my computer with a smile on my face. Literally the only possible explanation is that reading this book replaced my personality with someone else's because I, Emma Manos, never read contemporary romance but I enjoyed this SO MUCH.

The plot is pretty much like any other fluffy romance but somehow the characters were all really cool and not overly cheesy ??? also, the main character is bisexual (although it was a bit frustrating that the story kind of avoided that word), his twin sister sister is blind (and funny and loves books so pretty much I love her), there are quite a few gay characters, and there's a demisexual minor character (which was super fucking awesome because it was the first time I'd read a book with a demisexual person, I feel like romance books are usually all about this sense of instant sexual attraction and it's like ummm that's not how it works for a lot of people and that's also okay!!). Basically, the story itself was cute af and then there was so much positive representation and it just made my heart so happy. I'm not gonna write a full review but please please please check this out if you like snarky banter and slow-burn romance and feeling overly sappy about fictional characters.

I received an ARC of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review....more

ok, so this will be another short list review because I’m currently in the process of moving into my new home in anoth

There are monsters in the sea.

ok, so this will be another short list review because I’m currently in the process of moving into my new home in another country and starting a new semester and I have four other books to review at the moment………BUT I do promise that this book is v fantastic and lovely

my very messy list of reasons why you should read this book:— GORGEOUS art— introverted mc— internet friends !!!!! are real friends!!!!!— cute nerd love— about what it's like to be part of an online community or fandom— diverse range of fans!! there are people from countries all over the world, men and women, ages ranging from fourteen to an adult with a child of her own — the stereotypical face of fandoms is teenage girls—and don’t get me wrong, I love teenage girls, I was one until very recently—but I love that this book shows how diverse of a group of people can be brought together by the stories they love— couples that beta read each other's fanfics !!!! wtf where do I find a nerd like this to date— did I mention the art is fucking BEAUTIFUL— “I am an absolute wreck of a human being, and right now I am completely okay with it" wallace is me after reading any one of my fav books— there’s a lot of important stuff in this book about self-care and creating art

If you want the motivation back, you must feed it. Feed it everything. Books, television, movies, paintings, stage plays, real-life experience. Sometimes feeding simply means working, working through nonmotivation, working even when you hate it.We create art for many reasons - wealth, fame, love, admiration - but I find the one thing that produces the best results is desire. When you want the thing you're creating, the beauty of it will shine through, even if the details aren't all in order. Desire is the fuel of creators, and when we have that, motivation will come in its wake.

ALSO: I want someone to actually make monstrous sea now????? like you know how with fangirl, we got carry on??? can someone make this comic happen bc it sounds like the kind of thing I would read the hell out of.