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The How-To Guide to “Fuck It”

A lot of people ask me: “Daniel, how do you always stay so cheerful and positive? What’s your secret?”

Fine, some people ask me that.

Two. Two people may have asked me that question at some point.

The answer is simple. No matter what happens, no matter what people say, my response to stressful and difficult situations is always “fuck it.”

That’s a lie. The response is not always “fuck it.” Sometimes it’s just “fuck,” sometimes it’s “fuck you” and sometimes it’s even “fuck everybody and everything.”

The key is that I try to convert all those fucks to fuck-its. It’s not always easy. But remember: all it takes to go from “fuck” to “fuck it” is literally a single word: That word is “persistence”.

It’s important to stress that Fuck It is not a quick-fix. It’s not a simple technique I can distil into seven easy steps. Fuck It is a philosophy. A mindset. Fuck It is a way of life.

This guide will illustrate the concept of Fuck It through examples you can relate to.

Four-armed space aliens got you down? Fuck it!

What does this guide cost you? Nothing. Not a dime.

It costs nothing, but it’s worth…also nothing. But it’s free, so fuck it!

Example 1

Meet Bill. Bill is thirty-seven. He is an accountant. Nobody cares about Bill. You certainly don’t care about Bill. Me? I don’t give a shit about Bill.

Bill was a bad example. Fuck Bill.

Example 2

You’re on your way from work. You’ve had a rough day. Your boss wants you to actually work for the money you earn. Your colleagues are all like “Hi, how are you?” and “Want to go for lunch?” and other irritating nonsense. All you want to do is go home and relax.

Example 3

Suddenly, trouble strikes. A grizzly bear is charging at you. What the fuck is a grizzly bear doing in Florida?! No time to think about that now. You gotta act. Quick!

Fuck it!

Fuck the bear. I mean, have sex with the bear. Who knows, maybe the bear is just lonely? Bears need companionship too. What, you have a better idea? No! So shut up!

“But I am not a grizzly bear. I’m a pol-““Shut up, bear!”

Example 4

You finally get home. You’ve had a rough day. Your bus was late. The grizzly bear was a lousy lover. You have no patience for more shit.

Suddenly, trouble strikes. Your flatmate is saying something to you. As you get closer you can hear random words, like “sorry” and “I ate” and “your cake”. Turns out he ate your cake and now he’s sorry about it.

What do you do?

No! You don’t just say “fuck it”!

Are you crazy? He ate your cake. That cake was yours. Not his. Yours.

What next? Will you let him and a bunch of his friends dance flamenco on top of your bare chest? Will you let him borrow your silverware? Will you let him mock your sexual prowess based on that Youtube video of you and the grizzly bear?

Don’t be a wuss, stand up for yourself!

Example 5

Fuck it!

Well that’s it for me, folks. Hope the above examples make Fuck It clear to you.

Come on, Daniel. Come clean on this one. It was the result of a bet to see who could get the most fucks into one post? (Fucks, two come and a post all in the same response – now that conjures up some images!)

Well, well, well….there are people like us in this world! Have to say Daniel this is the best writing we’ve read all day! NO SHIT! How refreshing to find someone with your sense of humor and outlook on life. And we’re contemplating on whether or not to start a religion based with you as our guru.lol ~ We loved this post & will be sharing this with all our networking buds. And last but not least, though this will sound like a shameful plug we would love for you to read our book which is based on five guys with personalities & humor very much like yours. Please let us know if you have the time or would be interested in this of course there would be no cost to you but a gift from us. You are exactly the type of reader we wrote The Perfect 7 for. No hard feelings either way….FUCK IT! Can’t wait to come back and read more!!!

This is the second blog post in a row where I’ve been accosted by the eff bomb. I’m going to have to track down a couple posts about unicorns and rainbows to avoid speaking like a truck driver at dinner tonight. On the other hand, that would certainly get my kids’ attention, and for once they might stop talking about poop. Hey, thanks Daniel!