I am fascinated by schedules. His, hers, theirs. I like to see how others do it, and gather ideas to improve my own. A blogger mom I follow recently posted her daily schedule. I soaked hers up, marveled at what she is able to accomplish in a day, and — again – thought about what I could apply to my own. It’s a weird hobby of mine, I guess. Along with following college rankings, containerizing everything (term stolen from HERE), and adding as many layers of complication to our chore rotations as possible. Type “A” doesn’t even begin to describe it. Freakish as it may sound to some of you, I actually find these activities very calming. Raise your hand if you understand…

One of the rules that works in my home, is what I call my “Brain Rule”. The kids know it well, as I have used it to my advantage for many years. This rule maintains my sanity during my otherwise hectic life. It alone is what allows me to accomplish the things that are important for me before- and after-hours.

The rule goes like this: My brain turns on at 9 and off at 9.

Simple.

My children know, whether they’re doing school work at 6:00 a.m. or 9:00 p.m. (indeed I have children who do both), I won’t help them until 9:00 in the morning, and I’m not available to help them after 9:00 at night.

Disclaimer: This rule doesn’t work when children are very young. Obviously. Wait until they’re old enough to understand, and stay out of harm and mischief on their own.

Why did I create this rule?

In our home, some wake at 4:00 a.m. and are ready to work by 6:00 or 6:30 a.m. while others need to sleep in and can’t focus on any significant task until 10:00 a.m. Others can do many things in the mornings, but are completely unsuccessful at things like writing essays or taking math tests until late afternoon. And some of us are just all over the place, leaving laptops running with half-started and partly-finished work on the screen all day long, hopping back and forth to it throughout the day until it’s done.

Due to everyone’s different work schedules and personal preferences, when I began homeschooling, I learned from experience that homeschooling this way (all day long) was much too exhausting. Long, drawn-out, full-day homeschooling was just too much. There was no time for anything else, and as I tried to be the perfect mom and homeschool parent for each of my children, I was on the verge of becoming a total wreck.

So, I came up with a plan for me. For my family. I am sharing it with you now.

I decided I could only be available to my children — ON DUTY so-to-speak – at certain hours. My hours — on school days – would be 9:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. and that was it.

Further, I was only available to sit beside them, read dictations, administer tests, and things that required me to “be present” in the mornings, up until lunch (for us, since we snack around 10 or 11, that’s usually no later than 2:00 p.m.).

Make sense?

I explained to the kids that my office hours didn’t mean I would sit beside them and work with them all day long, simply that my brain would be available for help and questions during that time. (Of course, I totally help them whenever they need me, but overall, I require them to PLAN when they need me most, for times when I’m most likely available.)

It worked brilliantly.

They learned it quickly.

We settled into a pattern early on. And it has lasted for some 20 years.

My kids know if they need me, I am most likely going to be available (barring anything out-of-the-ordinary) full-time in the mornings and that “my brain” is available the entire rest of the day as needed until 9:00 p.m.

PERIOD.

If someone decides to work late, and runs into a problem, they wait until the next morning — at 9:00 a.m. – to ask me for help.

Though 9:00 a.m. can be crazy around here on some days, by then, I have had time to exercise, photocopy pages for the kids, get a head-start on dinner, walk the dogs, check my emails, eat my breakfast, make phone calls, or whatever I need to do to start MY day out right. I work early in the mornings, too. By the time 9:00 hits, I’m ready for whatever the day brings. And our days usually go rather well.

For those who ask what the kids do before 9:00? They start any kind of work they can do on their own. For mine, it can mean reading, grammar, penmanship practice, phys. ed., typing, history lessons and more. Depends on the child. But they know that the must choose independent work until 9:00 when I am available to supervise and help.

Do you have “rules” in your home or homeschool that make life more manageable? Please leave a COMMENT. I’d love to hear about them!

As a homeschooling mamma for the last couple of decades, you can just imagine how many questions and comments I have heard over the years. Honestly, it is really fun for me to answer homeschooling questions, because I get to talk about something I really love and believe in.

I know I have answered common homeschool questions before, but I thought it might be time for another round. I thought you’d have fun hearing some of the things that people have asked me over the years, and my usual responses. I always try to answer in that way that either educates or doesn’t make the other party feel bad for asking, or both. But, remember as you read — I’m only human 🙂

Here are TEN questions that immediately come to mind, and my stock answers:

Do the teachers at the schools tell you what books you have to use? No. But even if they did, I probably wouldn’t use the same books anyway. The nice thing about homeschooling is that we can choose our own books or whatever other things we want to use to teach our kids. We don’t have to follow the exact same program the kids are learning over at the schools, which is something we really like about homeschooling.

Are you sending your kids back to school in high school? No, homeschooling continues up until 12th grade. I mean, we can choose to send our kids to a school or a college to take a couple of classes if we want to, but our kids will always be learning with us, not anywhere else.

Does someone come to your house and test your kids? Gosh, no. If they did, our dogs would never let them in! But seriously, yes, in some states, homeschoolers are tested or monitored somehow, but not in their own homes. We can have our kids tested if we want to, or we can ask teachers to look at their work, but we just mail a copy of the results to the school district.

Do your kids have any friends? Yep, sure they do. But they’re closest to our other kids, because they all spend so much time together. We like that our kids have become best friends and really support each other. But we get out all the time, so the kids meet tons of other people pretty much every day.

But, you’re a teacher. I could never homeschool my kids. Sure you could! It just so happens I was a teacher before my kids were born, but most homeschool parents aren’t teachers. The neat thing is that if there was ever anything I couldn’t teach, or didn’t want to teach, there are a zillion other ways my kids could learn it. I don’t have to teach everything myself. Being a teacher doesn’t make me a good homeschooler. I actually wish I didn’t know so much about schools sometimes, cause it influences how I do things at home.

Does your church tell you to homeschool? I know a lot of families at our church homeschool their kids, too. Yea, it seems like some churches do have a lot of homeschool families. I guess it depends on where you live. You can find large numbers of homeschoolers pretty much anywhere these days. We just do it because we want to, not because anybody recommends it. I’m not the kind of person who follows any trends, so I just do what I think is right for my kids.

Did your parents push you hard in school, and that’s why you homeschool? You know, my parents were actually great role models and really hard-working people. They did teach us things at home, but not any more than most good parents probably do. They were more just all-around unbelievable parents who instilled great values and cultivated really strong family bonds among us. That’s probably what makes family so important to me, and I know I got that directly from them. My husband feels the same way about family, so homeschooling was just a natural choice for us.

Are your friends or family mad at you for homeschooling? Nope. I mean, why would anyone be mad at someone for doing what they think is best for their kids? It’s called being a good parent. I guess if anyone were “mad” at me for homeschooling, I would compare it to any other parenting choice, like not letting kids eat candy all day or not letting them roam the streets at night. People don’t really react to homeschoolers the way you might be thinking. It’s actually very common now.

Are you allowed to go out? Of course! We can do anything we want to. Most homeschool families I know don’t stay in the house all day. I guess the public still has a picture of homeschoolers sitting at a table, but that’s not really how it looks like all the time. That’s what’s really great about homeschooling, is that we can do our schoolwork wherever, and just live our lives and interact with the world all the time.

Do you like homeschooling? Yes, we love it. For us, we would never, ever do anything differently. We actually never even think about it because it’s just what we have been doing for so many years. It’s like a part of our lives and we never even think about school, really, it’s just part of everything else we do every day.

BONUS: Do you have to wear special clothes? (Okay, I was only asked this once, but will never forget it, so I’m including it here. Frankly, I can’t even remember what I said, but I am sure I stumbled over my words, trying to figure out how to respond without a puzzled look or even giggling out loud. Remember, people still have many different ideas of homeschooling and some stereotypes still exist to this day!

Do pictures tell a thousand words? These days, not so much. Spend any amount of time surfing mom blogs and checking social networking sites and you’ll see what I mean. (Checked Pinterest lately?)

When I see the perfect photo of a beautifully renovated kitchen, a lovely jar of bath salts, the perfect man’s bow-tie or a batch of freshly canned pickles, like you — I immediately swoon. After a split-second however, I often find myself chuckling as I wonder what the rest of the family was doing while the brave photographer snapped the photo. Sometimes, I imagine a chaotic, messy house, where the only clean area was the corner of the kitchen counter where the picture was taken. If I’m feeling especially irreverent, I allow myself to imagine what the kids were doing during the big photo shoot, too.

What about blogs depicting perfect family life? Are these accurate, either? As a homeschool mom myself, I tend to read into the stories I find, too. As respectfully as possible, I admit that I read these stories knowing darned well that for every great homeschool lesson/field trip/project/experience I read about, there were at least a couple of moments that weren’t so pretty, too.

How do I know? Because I’m a mom. I’ve had all of those moments, too! Remember, I have been at this for a long time. Chances are, my stories can top lots of those hands-down.

If the photos and stories I see are anything like our home, at any given time, one might find dogs running wild, kids arguing over the last donut, or a telephone ringing out of control. Knock on the front door at the right time and you just might see half-dressed children, a kitchen sink overflowing with dirty dishes and — not one – but sometimes two clogged toilets at once. As I speak to clients on the telephone or instant message with them on my computer, I sometimes cringe as I try not to become distracted by things going on the background…husband’s requests, childrens’ hand signals or rude body noises, dogs barking at the worst possible moments…well, you get the picture.

Despite what you see on my blog, it isn’t always pretty here.

So, today I’m confessing. I’m guilty, too.

Is homeschooling a great life? Absolutely. But, do we have our ups and downs like everybody else? Of course!

It’s a matter of perspective. It’s all about looking at the overall picture and the accumulation of experiences — not the details.

Most times, in our home, everything is rosy. Our children are obedient, their school work is completed with care and diligence, I work uninterrupted, and both the indoor and outdoor chores are completed on schedule. BUT…knock on the door at just the right time –say, during a spill/bruise/disagreement/tantrum/you-name-it – and you’ll see another picture altogether.

It’s just life.

So many examples come to mind of the things you don’tsee when I meet with you, speak to audiences and type these blogs. Like the day I felt so bad I wanted to crawl in bed instead of meeting with a newspaper reporter. Or the time the dog pooped on the rug and I had to leave it there because I was in such a rush to get to a meeting. Or the day the laundry hadn’t been done so I wore an ill-fitting sports bra to speak at a state-wide homeschool convention! And don’t forget the day my kids behaved so badly I really didn’t want to bring them on a field trip but I had to, since I was in possession of the money for the entire group.

Should you ever find yourself wondering why your life isn’t as pretty as a picture or as peaceful as you read about, please remember this post. Remember that what you see and read online is nothing more than a little snapshot of a moment in time during one person’s day. It doesn’t represent all of the actual moments in the real life of homeschool (or any) family!

And if you need further proof, stop by my home any day unannounced. I’ll be more than happy to show you around. Just try not to step on that LEGO……….

Anyone searching the Internet understands the growing number of web sites and blogs now devoted solely to homeschooling. A simple search today could yield enough reading material for a decade, and then some.

When even experienced users are daunted by the amount of available information, how must prospective and new homeschoolers feel when trying to find simple answers?

I am often asked the names of the “best” homeschool web sites. I am probably asked, “Which homeschooling web sites are the best?” or “What blogs do you follow?” at least once a week. I love to help, but answering these questions isn’t as simple as one might think!

This web site – Quick Start Homeschool– provides answers basic homeschool questions. HOWEVER, I find it important that parents find web sites they like, ones they can understand, ones they are inspired by, and ones that speak their own language — whether or not these sites are the same web sites used by everybody else.

Homeschooling is a job involving research and the gathering of resources. What better way to start this research than by collecting bits of homeschool information from favorite places on the web — ones that offer comfort, support and the specific information families need, at the exact time they need it?

It isn’t a cop-out not to offer help in this way. In my opinion, giving families the tools to find information on their own is the very best way to help!

So, here are my best tips for navigating the homeschool blog-o-sphere:

1) Find a source for basic homeschool information, such as this one here. Mark it for frequent reference and/or subscribe to the feed. Get comfortable with it, and make sure it feels right to you. Or, find another you like. Remember that just because something calls itself the #1 site, the largest site, or the most-visited site, may not be the best fit. Even if it takes a day or two, find the best general information, homeschooling web site for you!

2) Find 2-3 web sites that offer help and resources you think will match your particular homeschool philosophy and lifestyle. This may also take a day or two. If Charlotte Mason is what you’re after, find those place on the web. If Leadership Education is something you would like to try, look for that instead. Mark style-specific sites you like, and visit often for a while. If they disappoint, or if they lead to new ideas, find others to add to the rotation.

3) Find several homeschool blogs you like. These may be blogs written by moms just like you, or by parents very different from you. They may offer ideas, support, encouragement, or examples of homeschool projects. They may support your efforts, or challenge you. However, make these pleasant places to visit, and spend your time. Maybe they’ll even offer a laugh or two! Visit them from time to time, to glean fresh ideas and perspective, or until they are no longer useful to you any more. If they do, find others instead.

4) Review your choices from time to time. Find new places of inspiration, leaving the old ones behind.

5) If none of your favorite web places offers information about homeschool laws where you live, or finding support systems in the area, locate a web site that does, and keep the name handy. While it may not be a place you visit every week, this is a good reference for when you need it.

By all means, never spend time at a computer unless you find it restful, motivational, or fun. Visiting favorite sites and blogs should be satisfying — like meeting with old friends — and should never waste time, induce stress or create frustration.

But, perhaps my favorite tip is this one:

6) Read the COMMENTS left by readers on posts you like. Then, check the blogs of the people who have left those comments! These are often quite related and similar, may lead to new insights and territory, and could be equally worth your read!

Science fairs have always been a part of our lives here in the Moreau family homeschool. My children have participated in science fairs for years — online, district and homeschool-only science fairs. I love watching them learn about the world through science, and they have been successful in putting some terrific projects together completely on their own (I rarely help at all). I get such a thrill out of seeing their projects on display and hearing my students interviewed about their efforts during the fair. It’s always a moment of pride for me and — win or lose – they’re always happy with their efforts, too. The truth is, I’m proud of everything my kids do. But, there’s just something about science fairs that get their minds working and hands busy in exciting and ingenious ways.

Have you ever witnessed a a child with an interest in something just waiting to be tapped — there’s no stopping them, right? What a shame it would be to never discover a talent or passion in something (science-related or anything) just because a child was never given the opportunity to develop it, or to show it off!

I still meet families who don’t realize that homeschoolers can compete in science fairs. These are such amazing opportunities for homeschooled youth — I don’t want anyone to miss out! And while not all kids are comfortable with competition, just learning how to complete these projects is valuable — whether they’re ever put on display or not.

That’s how my new book came about. The Homeschooler’s Guide to Science Fairs was just released this month on Amazon in both paperback and Kindle formats.

I think you’ll like it!

One section of the book offers concrete, practical advice and tips for groups and leaders who have never organized science fairs before. In it, you’ll find real suggestions that have worked for me and for the many other organizers I interviewed over the years. I share what I have gleaned from my research and my contacts with science teachers and other experts — tips that are guaranteed to make the process easier for anyone planning a fair. Why re-invent the wheel? PLUS — since homeschool science fairs can be a little bit different than other fairs (not theoretically, just practically) I include suggestions to specifically address the nuances of working with homeschool families and groups, too. You can benefit from my years of experience organizing, judging and participating in science fairs over the last couple of decades. Find out what works, and what doesn’t, in just a few easy-to-read pages.

The other section is devoted to students. Have you met kids who have no idea how to do a science fair project? I have – lots of ’em! And parents, too! Despite instruction bookets and information sessions, in reality, not everybody is always 100% confident about the process — that is, until they’ve done it at least half a dozen times! Even then, rules change, groups change, the focus may change, thus it becomes a new learning curve every year. EVERYONE always seems to have questions about science fairs, often turning these experiences into fact-finding missions and frantic last-minute searches for help (and sometimes major headaches!) and less about science and learning than than they should be.

Science fairs are fun! Science is fun! Let’s make it fun again.

That’s what I’ve done in The Homeschooler’s Guide to Science Fairs. With contributions from everyone’s favorite science teacher, Janice VanCleave, and the phenomenal Happy Scientist, Robert Krampf, you simply can’t go wrong with the Guide. It’s the easiest little guide you’ve ever read. It’s all in there — in an easy-to-follow Q&A format so you can skip the parts you don’t need, and hop right to the parts you do. Short enough to flip through in an evening, but long enough to cover everything you’ll ever need to know, and more.

Check it out and let me hear your thoughts — you can write to me any time! Review it for others — let them know if it’s worth the investment. I predict this Guide will change your opinion about science fairs forever — you’ll never turn down another opportunity for your child to compete again.

There’s a myth going around that hospitality ends when homeschooling begins. Surely, living on a single income means the party is over, right?

Wrong.

Listen — there are enough myths circulating about homeschooling and unschooling already. No sense releasing another into the universe.

The truth is, aside from scheduling guests so they never interfere with school (unless you like it that way), there is nothing stopping homeschool families from extending hospitality to family and friends whenever they like. Budget has nothing to do with it.

Think of this. Hospitality is made of many things that cost nothing at all — your time, sharing friendship and togetherness, a welcoming home, and a friendly greeting with a smile. A a pot of tea and some cookies add only pennies to a gathering already so valuable on its own. If you can do more, great. If not, that’s okay, too.

Some families serve tea and coffee as a budget-friendly way to entertain in the mid-afternoon. Some put out bite-sized appetizers and a pitcher of dressed-up fruit punch at brunch. Still others offer hearty soup, homemade breads and crackers for a sit-down style meal.

Do what you can afford. But, never deprive your family the joys of entertaining just because dollars are tight. Benefits of entertaining extend beyond your own family, anyhow. The support and friendship you offer during these times are priceless to others, as well.

This year, I again challenged myself to do Thanksgiving on a budget. Serving 10, I wanted to spend even less than last year, but also be able to offer guests a plentiful feast with all of the trimmings. It wasn’t hard to do, and the result was an event to be proud of.

Read my tips from last year to get motivated for Thanksgiving under $100. Then, read these additional tips to save even more — cutting the budget further for a holiday feast under $75.

I began with decorations since this is my favorite thing to do these can be prepared well in advance. This year, I clipped grape vines from the yard and twisted them into decorative wreaths. I used brown twigs for the wreaths and wound them together with green bits until they stayed put. After washing and drying in the sun for several days, I decorated and placed them throughout my home.

I used vines along the table, as well (see below). They were perfect for my long table, and wound nicely around flower arrangements and candles, too.

I began collecting what I had around the house and also shopping the clearance sections of stores I visited throughout the month of November. I found packages of coasters marked “Be Thankful” at Michael’s for a dollar. I also found napkin rings made of twine that work for all seasons, so I snapped them up knowing I could decorate them for Christmas as well.

I lucked out on these sweet candles from Kirkland’s for only $.97 a box of six:

Table settings were kept simple and elegant this year, and cost nothing. A collector of antique plates, I always have endless combinations of settings to choose from. The children helped me this year, and we arrived at a color combination we loved using pieces from 3 different sets, including my dear grandmother’s old wine glasses.

The children made flower arrangements in homeschool co-op this season. Several of these graced our long table for 10, and lasted several days later as they were made primarily from dried leaves and flowers of the season. We paired these colors with lovely paper napkins that were a gift from my mom this year, and the table came together beautifully…don’t you agree?

I have written about food savings before, so I won’t repeat it here. However, some highlights of the grocery shopping this year included these deals, secured in plenty of time for the holiday, thanks to bargain-hunting combined with coupons and the use of a large freezer to store goodies until Thanksgiving day:

a frozen turkey purchased on sale well in advance (though still kicking myself for just barely not qualifying for the free bird offed by my local grocer)

color-themed candies purchased after Halloween (Hershey’s Kisses and the like, see under wine glasses) for 90% off

boxed stuffing mixes (I usually make my own, but these were virtually free this year at BOGO plus coupon savings)

sweet potato casserole using fresh veggies from our organics delivery, making them ultra-delicious and extremely low cost by purchasing in bulk

a generous windfall of a large variety of citrus from a friendly neighbor

As you can see, our family ate well and didn’t break the bank doing so. Other low-cost activities throughout the day included homemade hot chocolate during the Macy’s Day Parade and a walk around the neighborhood after the meal.

Also like last year, I ended with a freezer full of stock and a refrigerator full of left-overs, too. The meal itself came in under budget, even when including the bottle of wine we didn’t drink, plus two 2-liter bottles of sodas served to the children.

I hope I have encouraged you to entertain whenever possible on your own. Remembering my tips about keeping your home clean enough and scheduling events around the family calendar, I know you can make it happen!

If there was ever a right time to homeschool your child, that time is now. No longer different, homeschooling has reached the mainstream. And if being popular wasn’t already enough, it even seems to be getting a little trendy, too.

Why is this phenomenon growing so rapidly?

More importantly, why should YOU think about it now — even if you’ve never thought of it before?

1. Millions of people are doing it. It isn’t different any more. You’ll fit in easily.

2. It’s easier than ever. Boatloads of products have come out since the early days. There is something for every kind of kid there is.

3. It doesn’t cost a lot. Loads of families do it on the cheap. Much cheaper than private school.

4. You can work around it. You read that right. Lots of homeschool families work in the home, and outside, too.

5. The results just keep coming. If you weren’t sure before, be sure now. It works, and everybody knows it.

6. It’s a big world out there. That world is easier to access than ever. Except from behind a student desk 6 or 8 hours a day.

7. Individuality is the new normal. Why blend in with the pack when you can stand out instead?

8. Diversity shmiversity. Why teach something when you can experience it first-hand?

9. Take a good look at the kids that surround your children all day long. These are the people your children will soon become.

10. Because you can. It’s free and it’s legal. With very few strings attached. For many, that is reason enough.

Admit it. How many times have you thought about it already? How many people do you know that are already on board?

If you’re a homeschool mamma or daddy, or know someone who is, you may find this utterly hard to believe. But, there are actually folks out there who think that homeschoolers make bad parents.

Okay. Seriously?

Have you ever met a harder working set of parents? Or single parent? Or grandparent? Or family? Give me a break. I mean, I haven’t slept a decent night or had a shower lasting more than 45 seconds in decades — have you? But I am joyful and so are my kids. They’re smart and ready to take on the world.

But, I digress.

The truth is, I really have no idea how it happened. It all started somewhere 20-some years ago. That little face looked up at me, all pimply and blueish and I was in love. Deeply in love with that tightly wound bundle the midwife placed in my arms. I was both alive for the first time and scared to death. Because at that moment, and for the rest of my life, I couldn’t ever imagine passing that little body over to anyone else to care for or bring up. How could anyone possibly love that boy more than me?

So it was around that time that things started going downhill. And I guess that’s how these kinds of rumors start. For me, my story went something like this…

I spent weeks, months even, searching for a pediatrician. One that wouldn’t question my every move but would give me information when I asked and keep my boy healthy in case of emergency. The first one made comments I didn’t like. A second chided me on my extensive list of questions. But the third didn’t mind my ideas and actually, kinda, sorta, at least a little bit, seemed to agree with me on some points. He got the job.

I bought all of the books. Back then, it was Spock, Leach, Brazelton, Sears and people like that. I didn’t agree with them all, no sir. But I read them dutifully cover to cover. And tabbed the important pages. And made a special spot on the shelf so I could grab them often. Which it turned out, I didn’t do very much, except for big stuff like illnesses and the healthy recipes at the back of each book, because they just didn’t know him as well as me.

I breastfed the boy. A long time. I mashed his organic foods. I sewed his clothing. I sang and read, played music and explored, attached him to my front, my hip and my back. I took him everywhere there was to see and filled every one of his waking moments with something loving, useful, valuable. Things that would nurture and expand him. Things that I knew could only compliment what his father and I could offer but important stuff nonetheless. For this was our boy, and nobody knew him more than us. And nobody but nobody could do a better job. He was ours.

I worked, too, by the way. With a cooler permanently affixed to my waist, I pumped in lounges, offices and restrooms. I reorganized my schedule so that his father and I could alternate days away from home. When it was my turn, I called home every hour. I sped home at the end of each day to see my guys. And I blissfully wiled evenings away on the couch in absolute paradise, watching the home videos my super-hero husband had filmed all day long, so that I wouldn’t miss a single moment of my boy’s life.

Some years passed and I received another tightly wound bundle. And then other. And the pattern continued for a while. And at the same time, things got worse and worse.

I stopped working for pay and came home permanently. We were broke and it was all my fault. Lo and behold I began teaching these children, too. I set up a classroom, spent months with tiny scissors and blisters, cutting through felt and yards of clear vinyl. I hung brightly colored posters on every wall to hold their constant attention and subliminally implant things into their tiny little brains. Useful things. Stuff they’d need. And I loved them more and more each day and we spent our time reading, wondering, discussing, drawing, recording, and discovering the world. I become more and more the bad parent as the years went on. And the sad part was that I didn’t even know it.

There was nothing my kids could do to defend themselves from me either. Their smiles and laughter hid what they were thinking. Their healthy bodies and creative minds concealed their unhappiness from me, I guess. I had no idea that blowing bubbles, drawing pictures and building castles wasn’t a good thing. They hadn’t said that in my books. I honestly thought I was doing a great job.

When I broke off our relationship with the family whose child who couldn’t wait to spill the beans about stuff like bad words and where babies came from, my kids were without recourse.

When I switched swimming classes because the teacher in our class didn’t have the patience to answer my kids’ occasional questions, my children had to put up with reorganizing their little schedules.

When I politely excused myself from talking to the museum docent who couldn’t answer my kids’ questions and decided to take a self-guided tour instead, the kids had to deal with my explanations instead of hers.

When I fixed their favorite little finger foods and brought them to parks and beaches to mingle with other homeschoolers, there wasn’t anything they could do about that either.

And when we fashioned little Beatrix Potter-inspired scarecrows and inserted them into our flower boxes, and caught and identified little things from the tidal pools, and made up songs and stories about states and colors and numbers and words that were very hard to spell, my children were defenseless. They were required to accompany me on bird-watching tours and water-sampling excursions, forced to endure hours of discovery at science and history museums, made to sit quietly during art lessons and piano instruction, and run ragged by kicking soccer balls and splashing endlessly in friend’s pools and water parks, too.

Looking back on those days, it really must have been torture.

Adding salt to their wounds, I controlled much of what they learned, which included reading, writing and mathematics each and every year. I decided what they wore, requiring them to share outgrown clothing with younger siblings and even help the littles dress and tie shoelaces, too. I was vigilant about what they saw on television and learned the only satellite TV command I still remember to this day — the block/unblock feature. I forced them to learn to make pizza in our kitchen and stir-fry in our wok instead of ordering out. If they were hungry, they sometimes even had to cook for themselves. I refused to allow them to purchase T(een) and M(ature) video games, and determined if and when they were allowed to interact with the neighborhood brat or the foul-mouth bully two streets over.

Sadly, there were other signs of bad parenting, too. I can hardly believe I required:

– brushing teeth daily and getting regular dental checkups, even an occasional set of braces

– doing daily chores and helping adults with other things they asked, too

– hitting the pillow at a decent hour every night, and rising before the day and all of its possibilities had slipped away

– having physical education every day or some kind of movement activity to stay active and healthy

– eating a healthy diet without a constant stream of sugary or pre-packaged snacks

– making lists of goals and setting limits on the amount of time they goofed off

– living without an allowance and being denied gadgets and electronics like the ones other kids had

– acting like ladies and gentlemen at all times, even when it was hard

and even stuff like:

– taking classes at local schools, colleges and education centers

– redoing papers and assignments if they didn’t really understand

– finishing their work even though they had other things to do

– studying for exams like SATs and applying for scholarships and colleges

– volunteering in the community

– doing things for neighbors and for animals — for free

I was tough. I see it now. And with this list of flaws and faux-pas, is there anyone that wouldn’t agree?

Homeschoolers do make bad parents. But, alas, no amount of wishing can change the past for my kids.

If you follow me, you know my feelings about continuing education for homeschool parents. In a nutshell, I do it, and I think others should consider it, too. It’s great to learn new things, but even more important for parents to expand and have independent lives outside of “just” homeschooling the kids. That’s my philosophy and I’m sticking to it.

Continuing education can be about anything. Naturally, parents may choose to learn about homeschooling, teaching pedagogy, learning stages, working with exceptional children, matching materials to learning styles, pathways to college and academic things like that. But continuing education can also be about other things, too, like saving money, organizing a home, gardening or anything else. And it also includes things like making laundry soap and lowering hemlines, baking the best whole wheat bread and raising a calf, learning to cut hair and using natural products to clean bathrooms, plus everything else that parent didn’t already know before.

I virtually always have something I’m reading, watching or listening to as I am doing something else. I stash books in the car, always have DVDs waiting on the coffee table, and subscribe to an endless stream of conferences, seminars and webinars that I play in the background as I work in my office. I enjoy it and recommend it to anyone not easily distracted when multi-tasking.

So when I heard Hale Dwoskin the other day talking about a strategy to let go of unwanted emotions that may be blocking health, happiness and prosperity, I listened as I often do, only partly tuned in as I was doing something else. Though it sounded like a very important technique, I admit I hardly heard a word.

But the disc remained in the CD player and began auto-playing a few days later. I had less on my mind and listened a bit closer this time. And what I heard on the recording reminded me of something worth sharing with you.

Paraphrasing what Dwoskin said, it went something like this:

Children are born with a natural way of dealing with things. They choose their reactions to events by gauging the reactions of others — usually, their parents. When a young child falls down, for example, before expressing emotion about it, he may look around to see if anyone is watching. If someone is, he may cry out for help. But if nobody saw it, he’ll probably shake it off and get right back to playing. The point is that children are naturally able to let things go. I think Dwoskin called it natural exuberance. And all kids have the capacity to detach from unwanted feelings rather than gripping onto them forever (causing distress later in life, an excellent segue into the pitch that came later). But then, he said, when young children get older, and for the next 15 or 18 years of their lives, by continually being asked to sit down and be quiet, their natural exuberance is lost. And lost along with it is the ability to let upsetting feelings go.

This idea is so important to you and me. To all parents. It reminds us of the lasting effects of extinguishing natural behaviors in children.

Think about this. There isn’t a parent among us who doesn’t understand a baby’s or young child’s need to explore and play. But something happens as children grow, and many parents seem to forget what they knew before. They begin imposing rules, restrictions, guidelines and boundaries. Children are asked to sit still. And often they’re asked not to talk so much. And what was alright for tiny children is no longer alright for bigger kids.

In our culture, generally, about the time when school starts up, is when adults begin telling children to shut down.

So much research exists about the need for play. Experts have cautioned against taking away from children this very important developmental need. Preserving childhood exuberance — that resilience and ability to bounce back – really is linked to that freedom. Freedom to play, freedom to explore, freedom to develop ones own natural curiosity about the world. The practice of sitting children down removes the freedom to play. The act of silencing children takes away a method of expression. And this has been linked to extinguishing their natural resilience. Caused in large part by the very people who love them most.

Dr. Walter Drew, Founder of the Institute for Self Active Education has said, “children’s spontaneous, creative self-expression increases their sense of competence and well-being now and into adulthood,” (source) and, “play builds self-esteem and a sense of personal power” (source). The importance of play is recognized world-wide, even included in the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, which includes a section about preserving a child’s right to do it (source).

As we schedule our children and go about our daily maneuvers, as we guide our kids and determine the exact level of freedom we will allow them to have, let us always remember to include time for their all-important need for play. For all ages, too — not just the very young. High schoolers and college students haven’t forgotten how to play. Middle schoolers haven’t either. Thus time for play must be prioritized for children of all ages, allowing that natural development to occur. By doing so, that natural exuberance — that wonderful childhool resilience – may continue to strengthen throughout the years. So that our grown children have retained that important ability to deal with the emotions and stressors of their adult lives.

One of my favorite things to do is browse homeschool products. Whether online, in person or at book sales, after decades of homeschooling, I admit I still get the same old tingle when I find something I think my kids will love.

Shopping for the future is another habitual practice for many parents. I do it because I love being able to walk over to a shelf or open a closet and grab something that relates to what one of my children is learning. I like the option of seeing something out the window, hearing something on television or not knowing the meaning of a word, and being able to look it up in a book. I like having the next level of a product readily on hand when one of my students announces he has completed a book and is ready for the next. I like owning several in a series so that I can experiment with placement if I’m not sure the skill level of a particular child. I like having the ability to find the perfect edition for a child when he’s ready for it.

There is much to be said for buying educational products when opportunity knocks. Of course, it’s convenient. But it saves so much time and money, too. How often have you wished you had picked up that book/game/toy/CD when you found it on sale, rather than having to pay full price years later — or never being able to find it again?

Other parents do this, too. One mom told of 7 large bins of homeschool books as a stockpile for the future. Another mom spoke about expanding the home library to include all grade levels for every child down the line. It’s a common practice — assuming one can handle it.

Because there is a dark side to stocking up for the future. Apart from the obvious — budget and storage – it has to do with having too much.

Put simply, some parents actually feel pressured by extra books on the shelves or many products in a closet.

Think about it — educational goodies just sitting there, packed with opportunities for learning, full of mind-expanding content that children need to know, and [they believe] need to know now. And why wait? Surely these families can spare a couple of minutes out of every day to learn Latin/study mythology/read about the lives of famous composers/<fill-in-the-blank>. Cramming more into every homeschool day happens at the Smith’s and at the Jones’s. Surely it can happen in mine…

As silly as this sounds, it’s not as uncommon as you think. Among the super-achieving, hard-driving homeschooling crowd, that is. Compelled to teach it all, collecting these nuggets of wisdom in drawers and in closets comes with the implicit intention of actually using them all. And over time, these products begin screaming to be taken from the shelves. And that sound may be deafening.

Thus, while collecting products for the future may be convenient and cost-saving for some, for others it creates undue pressure. I have felt this to a lesser degree, have you? The desire to “do it all” may result in anxiety when one cannot. Feelings of regret, inadequacy, frustration and despair may attack those who purchase more than they can realistically handle.

Much like stockpiling food items, health and beauty aids, and clearance clothing in larger sizes for growing children, stockpiling homeschool products is an excellent way to have items on hand when they’re needed.

But if having unused items is accompanied by guilt over not putting them to good use, stockpiling is certainly not advised. Compound this guilt with pressure from a spouse who may not understand the need to stockpile homeschool products for the future, and it creates an absolute no-no.

Homeschooling should be joyful. Not without its occasional challenges, but overall, homeschooling is pleasant and rewarding. If families find that purchasing extra learning tools is helpful, this practice is absolutely recommended. Should it be accompanied by feelings of discomfort, however, it must absolutely be avoided.

Remember that all families are different. You may or may not see yourself in this post. If you believe it could help someone you know, please pass it on. If you can add to this conversation, I would appreciate your COMMENT to encourage others.