A Simple Technique to Ensure You Don’t Miss the Moment

A few weekends ago, I stayed in a huge converted barn with twelve of the most important people of my life.

It was a non-bachelorette bachelorette weekend. Instead of penis straws, we had candles infused with specific prayers to manifest our desires. Instead of the Vegas strip, our view was a gorgeous grass-fed cattle farm. And instead of getting drunk and going out dancing, we did rituals.

What if I miss the moment?

The dress that my sis brought for the ritual, hanging in the barn afterwards.

Let me digress for a moment . . . Over the previous couple of weeks, I had been feeling really anxious about my upcoming wedding. I’d started to have dreams in which it was the wedding day but we hadn’t done enough preparation and everything was a disaster.

In one of these dreams, Mike surprised me with a cake as big as a house, shaped like a car, with him as the driver. And the delivery guys plunked it down right in the middle of our wedding ceremony site.

In another one, everyone was arriving and I was halfway dressed and realized I’d forgotten to do my hair and makeup so I was a complete mess.

Needless to say, my psyche had been in need of some soothing.

I’d been really scared that the wedding was going to come and go and that somehow I was going to miss the moment entirely.

Marking Our Moments

But this past weekend, for the non-bachelorette bachelorette, my sister Ann and my friend Meggan Watterson orchestrated two really powerful rituals to mark my last days before the wedding.

One involved my articulating the things I was ready to let go of so that I could step into this next phase unfettered. I included things like beliefs I was ready to release and past relationships I was ready to let go of. I burned the piece of paper on which all of these things were written, and then I lit two white candles while saying a prayer of healing and detoxification.

For the next ritual, the entire non-bachelorette group stood in a circle on the grass behind the house, and I was asked to share my vows to myself. I was given a bouquet of wildflowers and a wreath made of twigs and leaves, and I wore a white cotton dress which my sister had brought for the occasion.

Then each of the sweet souls in the circle spoke their vows to me as I step into this next phase of life.

It was one of the most spectacular experiences of my life. Talk about feeling awash in love.

Pushing the Boundaries of Presence

Now, let me be honest: these rituals made me feel uncomfortable.

I worried about what everyone else in the group thought. I worried that they’d think it was too weird. I worried that I was taking up too much time, energy, and attention.

I felt extremely vulnerable saying the things I wanted to release and making vows to myself out loud.

Our progress-obsessed culture often forgets to mark the transitions.

We don’t have as many rites of passage marking the important moments of our lives as cultures in less technologized and slower paced times had.

What I have realized is that we put so much pressure on big days like weddings, birthdays, and anniversaries because culturally we don’t take any other moments to pause and acknowledge our transitions.

We hop right from one job to the next without a moment’s thought.

We end one relationship and jump right into bed (literally or metaphorically) with the next person.

What I did this weekend was to let my life as a single woman end. I felt the grief of it. I felt the joy of it. And I was witnessed in all of it.

And, not surprisingly, I no longer feel anxious about the wedding.

The day will be what the day will be. I know it will be glorious. And I also know it’s going to go by quickly.

But the rituals of this past weekend tuned me in to a new frequency of consciousness about this transition.

Now, rather than obsessing about the color of the napkins or what type of ribbon I should put on the wedding favors, I can be present.

Here’s how to not miss the moment:

If you’re feeling obsessive or anxious about an area of your life, stop and ask yourself whether or not you’ve taken time to mark your most recent transitions.

Is there a relationship that you’re needing closure around?

Have you rushed right into the next project without acknowledging the work you did on the last one?

Has there been some other shift in your life that you never took a moment to mark?

How do you mark your most important transitions? I’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment below – I’d love to continue the conversation with you!

Kate Northrup created financial freedom for herself at the age of twenty-eight through building a team of more than 1,000 wellness entrepreneurs in the network marketing industry. Her philosophy is that if you free yourself financially, you can be fully present to your purpose on the planet. She is also the author of Money: A Love Story, Untangle Your Financial Woes and Create the Life You Really Want (Hay House, 2013). Kate and her work have been featured on The Today Show, Yahoo! Finance, The Huffington Post, Refinery29.com, and in Glamour, Red, Prima Magazine, Soul & Spirit, and more. She continues to mentor entrepreneurs in creating financial freedom. Find out more and take her free quiz to find out what your relationship with money says about you at katenorthrup.com and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

What a beautiful and thought-provoking post! Having gone through a major transition in my life, I will take more time to pay attention to my feelings about it. Wishing you the most magnificent wedding day!

Positively Positive

So happy to hear @disqus_Goz59Se6LU:disqus!

Kate Northrup

Maria – thank you so much. It was a super magical day!

tam

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Positively Positive

Thanks for reading & commenting @disqus_1v3xyytAoi:disqus

Kate Northrup

Tam – thank you!

Lee

Mm, this is SO good! And so helpful. I couldn’t agree more that we all need to slow down and let ourselves feel everything we need to around big transitions and changes. It’s not always easy to do! =) Thank you for being vulnerable. And congrats on your big day!! I’m in the same boat with you…getting married soon, but want to enjoy it ALL. =) Enjoying the moments! P.s. This website has some AMAZING advice about transitions too…engagement, wedding, new baby, new job, moving…GREAT encouragement. Much love!

Positively Positive

Congrat’s on your upcoming wedding & thank you for the kind words about our site.

Kate Northrup

Yes Lee! Slowing down and feeling more are great things to embrace.

http://batman-news.com Jen

Oh…..This hit me hard. I don’t know how to do this. I finished cancer treatment last year, and I’m still figuring out why I can’t “get on with life”. Perhaps because I did not honor the experience? I don’t know how to do that. This is my meditation for the weekend…

Positively Positive

Love that you are meditating on this!

Kate Northrup

Jen, thank you so much for sharing! Meditation on what’s keeping you stuck is a great way to move through it.

Gillian

That sounded beautiful. I think that is a wonderful way to celebrate the end of single-dom. If I ever were to get married I would love to have a bachelorette ceremony like that instead of the traditional acting foolish and drinking (given the fact that I cannot stand the taste of alcohol). That was brilliant.

Positively Positive

Thanks for your comment @disqus_kX0cziPBUw:disqus!

Kate Northrup

Thank you Gillian. It truly was a beautiful experience.

Laurie Mackeson

This article has come across my eyes and mind at a most important [and surprising] time. I’ll definately look to apply the basis of your blog [acknowledging changes and transitions in life] in the short term…An article I was really in need of!

Kate Northrup

Laurie, glad you read it when you did! Thanks.

http://anovelquest.com Monique Muro

Wow, a feeling of absolute understanding and realization just washed over me! I recently moved in with my boyfriend and since then have been experiencing sudden and terrifying panic attacks. I could not for the life of me figure out why, but your words Kate have given me the exact reason why–I didn’t take the time to mark the transition. I didn’t take the time to let go of the previous chapter in my life, and embrace this new one. Thank you, your words have so moved me

Kate Northrup

Monique, glad my experience resonated with you. Good luck!

Renee

Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful moment in your life! I needed this right now!! I wish you much happiness in your life!