Republicans have regained legislative power across America, and they're doing everything they can to follow through on their very important campaign promises to rein in spending and shrink the government and really help our children's children's children live out the American dream in a country free of international debt. Just kidding! They're spending all of their energy and political capital trying to pass laws that treat 51% of the population as subhumans incapable of making decisions for themselves. Why, just the other day, they helpfully voted to defund Planned Parenthood! Thanks, guys!

We're lucky that legislative bodies consisting mostly of white, economically privileged men are there to make the hard decisions for us weak-minded and yogurt hungry ladies, and since we're sure you're on board with being reduced to a political bargaining chip (and we're also sure that you're feeble ladybrain isn't capable of formulating its own thoughts), the Mad Libologists here at Jezebel have uncracked the Anti Woman Legislation Code and made it possible for you to make your very own Congressional speech in favor of your own diminished importance in America.

Click to enlarge the Mad Libs sheet at right, or print it out here and play with your friends!