It’s gotta be rough to be black and also have voted for Obama because you actually support his policies. It reminds me of the year I stayed completely sober on New Year’s Eve and then called into work to tell them I got food poisoning from bad pork in some Chinese food. It was true, but no one believed me.

“Sober? Suuure. Kyria, listen, you don’t have to come into work today, but you don’t have to lie to us about this.”

To me, the idea that black people voted for Obama just because he’s black is total nonsense. It implies white people have higher standards! Well, of course some black people voted for him just because he’s black. Stupid people vote for stupid reasons because they’re stupid. Such is America.

Did you happen to subject yourself to the fact-free love-in we called a presidential “debate” this year? I’ve gotten more accurate answers from a Cosmo quiz. I get harder facts from a room full of Christians speaking in tongues:

Bottom line: we are all — all of us — black or white — voting on the basis of a good vibe and good hair. Romney had good hair, but Obama had BLACK hair. Win!

For some reason, whenever the presidential debates come on, adults all turn into five-year-olds who think our president is the smartest, strongest man on Earth and he can do anything, even lift the moon! I admit I feel like I’m missing something. It’s like I’m putting on the sunglasses in “They Live” and wondering why no one else can see the lizard people. And I don’t even smoke pot!

In my opinion, even if the most wonderful human being on earth took office, he would still have to work within the confines of existing wars and budgets and Congress and red tape. Everyone will suck. If Jesus Christ came down from heaven, he would make a shitty president. Might as well vote for the black dude.

Four years ago, I voted for Obama and he won. I freely admit that I voted for him because he is black. Hindsight is 20/20. This year, I voted for Gary Johnson and he got 1% of the vote. Fuck, I might as well have voted for a chandelier or a ham sandwich or my cat. In truth, I might as well have voted for the black guy because it’s neat.

Bottom line: our government is a sham and everyone lies. So maybe making a choice based on skin color isn’t really the worst way to pick a president!

Rock the vote! Vote for your favorite skin color! Eye color! Vote for shoe size! There really is no other way to make democracy work.

I LOVED this. I really liked the hair swap pics—made my day. I love Obama and all but I do not want to see the “Bride of Chucky” as the first lady. Very SCARY. No seriously Mitt is a total twit! Thanks for making my day.

srsly enuf of the fucking election…mainly because I’m a WHITE
MALE who didnt (cant actually) vote and I’m pissed to hear that
BLACK man is running this country so my racism genes are tingling
outta control

An idiot at work today told me that if Obama doesn’t turn things around, we’ll never have another black president.
I think Obama should be in prison for treason, but if all the criminals were in prison who would run the country?
Nice article. Way to call a spade a spade.