Friday, February 27, 2015

No Pictures, Just Change

Normally, I like to have these Friday posts about new things I love and current obsessions, but I wanted to write about me today.

I can tell that my heart is in a stage of change. My heart, my thoughts, my actions...words. Not saying there isn't a long way to go and that life won't have it's challenges, but I am changing. I am learning what it is to be, "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry," James 1:19.

This is not something that happens instantly and/or without prayer, because if so, I would have felt this good a LONG time ago. I have been stepping out of the boundaries I have put up and am staking a stronger claim in who I live for.

All of this started with prayer. I prayed for fellowship. He answered my prayer. Mike and I are now in a wonderful Bible study surrounded by love and truth. And no judgement. That's huge. I have learned things about myself, Mike and our marriage. How marriage really slaps you in the face sometimes and shows you all of your flaws and bad habits. On the other hand, it shows you the great qualities the two of you have and why God put you together. This fellowship has really shown me God's love and for that I am eternally grateful.

Another prayer that was on my heart for a long time was getting the confidence to shout out who I lived for. When the topic of religion came up I never wanted to offend anyone or get them upset, so I found myself just nodding or saying the occasional "hmmm..interesting". I wasn't agreeing or EVER denying God, but I didn't feel like I had the confidence to go toe-to-toe if needed. Also, too, it is hard living in the world we live in today. Before marriage, I would have conversations with myself about how the man is supposed to be the leader of the household, but I am a professional and I can be great leader too! It's hard. But it's not supposed to be easy. Now, I would never want to take away the leader role from Mike. He is a great leader for our family and that is mainly because he realizes that he can't do it without God.

My confidence has grown leaps and bounds due to prayer. Especially at work. I used to go through the day and feel like I never really stopped to talk to God or pray. That all changed one day when my co-worker/friend and I went to a Spurs game and ended up talking the entire night about our faith. The next day I came in and threw out the idea of having quiet time together; reading our daily devotionals and relatable scripture. Since then, we have met almost everyday and I have really learned a lot about God's glory. I look forward to those times together and learning from these ladies. A few other people have started coming now too and it makes my soul extremely happy.

Lastly, worship. Over the years, like I'm really old or something, I noticed I really hear God through music. I posted here that I took the KLOVE 30-day challenge and those 30 days have blended in to every day life. The first thing I log into at work is Spotify and go straight to the Christian genere. The words inspire me and keep my thoughts focused on the good. Mike and I both connect through music, so it has been fun sharing these songs.

I am not sure why I felt this post so heavy on my heart; I just wanted to lay it all out there. I have just been really noticing a change within me and hopefully it has been an outward change as well. Maybe I felt so strongly to share so that others knew where my heart was just in case they needed someone to relate to? Maybe it was so I could be held accountable and come back to this post if my heart were to harden? I am not sure, but that has been my life lately. It all started with prayer and me recognizing things I wanted to change. Things that tested my character and I didn't like the result.

A thought to end on: You may be the only Bible some people read. "If you continue to live and teach rightly, you will save both yourself and those who listen to you." 1 Timothy 4:16