So Madonna Did Buy Lap Dances for Research

As previously reported, it seems like Madonna will be making her directorial debut. Called Filth and Wisdom, the 30-minute short is of Madge’s own devising and is being shot in London now. Rumor has it that the film will be based on her own experiences, and characters will include an Indian chemist, a Jewish businessman and a failed ballet dancer-turned-stripper. Yes, we know: You’re wondering what the hell she’s thinking. We can’t tell you much, but we can tell you that in addition to the above, she’s thinking that this is going to be a comedy. Which is pretty funny in itself. Especially when you consider Madonna’s incredibly poor on-screen track record. Need a recap? Let’s see. How about . . . Body of Evidence? That one put a dent in Willem DaFoe’s career. Then there was that miracle of financing, Shanghai Surprise. And let’s not forget about Swept Away, the remake that was so bad, so universally panned, so commercially abhorred, it made Mariah Carey’s Glitter watch like Citizen Kane. Hello? Earth to Madonna: Put down the camera. Now. Before you hurt someone you love.