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I feel really sad sometimes. I think about all the injustice in the world, and ... okay, no I don't. I worry about how I'm ever going to lose some weight, while scarfing down chocolates and playing marathon sessions of Starcraft 2. But SOME PEOPLE think about all the injustice in the world, not to mention famine, war, natural disasters and oil spills, and these things really bum them out. Well, this week, the Something Awful Forum Goons take it upon themselves to try and turn that frown upside down... but they only managed to turn it sideways into a little smirk!

This space-age device is a cardboard box with two holes in it. The operative sticks a hand in one end. The contact inserts a hand in the other end. With both hands shielded from prying eyes, a secret handshake can commence.

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.