Hiring a Legal Asistant 101

"Do you really think that I'm perfect for the job?"

Helpful hints for finding and hiring a legal assistant:

Make sure you use an online listing service. Craigslist is always a good one.

Always do a good job of describing what you’re looking for. Use explicit language, whenever possible. For example, stating that you are seeking an “energetic woman” for “general secretarial work, some paralegal work and additional duties for two lawyers” seems to be a winner.

Next, in addition to a resume, be sure to ask for some personal information, such as photographs and “a description of your physical features, including measurements.”

When you receive applications, always follow up with an email, including more information about what the position entails. Here’s a great example of the kind of thing you should write:

In addition to the legal work, you would be required to have sexual interaction with me and my partner, sometimes together sometimes separate. This part of the job would require sexy dressing and flirtatious interaction with me and my partner, as well as sexual interaction.

To be sure that everyone understands what is expected, you will want to make performing sexually a part of the interview process.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 at 3:35 pm and is filed under employment law, ethics, law practice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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With law degree in hand, I applied for a job as a paralegal for the US government in Washington, D.C.
They asked me to take my coat off near the end of the interview. I didn’t get the
position. Sorry I’m not a size 2.
Then I got a phone call from the US Navy, offering me a position in California. I said: Don’t you want to interview me first?
They replied: The US Navy doesn’t interview. We hire based on credentials. I am currently at that job.
The private sector pulls the same crap. A young lawyer will hire an old fox…and then when he becomes established, he dumps the old fox for a ditzy blonde.

You had a law degree and applied for a paralegal position. I wouldn’t care if you came into my office with your own stripper pole, I wouldn’t even interview you as a paralegal. Why? Because the chances are that a lawyer applying for a paralegal position is either a bad lawyer (hence looking for the PL job) or is going to jump off as soon as they can find an attorney position. I’m sure it had nothing to do with your size.

And trust me, there isn’t a successful lawyer alive who would rather have a ditzy paralegal.