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Understanding the 2014 election campaign

If David Cunliffe decided one day to redecorate his kitchen, they would call it a décor flip-flop.

If David Cunliffe chose tea yesterday and coffee today, he would be accused of inconsistency.

If John Key announced a major policy u-turn tomorrow, the New Zealand Herald would laud his pragmatic and decisive leadership.

If David Cunliffe works 18 hour days, then takes a three day break to be with his family, he is lazy and unfocused.

If David Cunliffe worked 18 hour days and never took a break, they would say he works too hard and needs to learn to relax.

If John Key goes on holiday for eleven days, nobody minds.

If David Cunliffe fails to memorise every standard form letter he ever writes, he is either incompetent or corrupt, and John Armstrong will say he should resign.

If a senior National Party minister’s incompetence and ineptitude embarrasses his leader and the entire nation and allows a suspected sex offender to flee the country, John Armstrong will say it’s not a resignation offence.

If David Cunliffe cannot instantly state to the last cent the exact cost of a Labour Party policy when asked, he is indecisive, dithering and inept.

If John Key can’t be bothered to find out how much taxpayer money his own disgraced MP spent, it’s because he’s focused on the issues that matter.

If David Cunliffe apologises for something he shouldn’t really have to apologise for, it’s weakness.

If John Key refuses to apologise for something he should apologise for, it’s strength.

If David Cunliffe decided one day not to wear his red scarf to work, some person claiming to be a party insider would probably say he’d been pressured by his caucus to remove it.

If a Labour MP says anything remotely unusual or off-topic, it undermines David Cunliffe’s leadership and brings Labour to the point of crisis.

If a National MP uses taxpayer money to buy herself nice things, it’s forgotten the next day.