Letter to my Daughters

More musings from my Empty Nest

I wrote this letter to my daughters at a time when I was feeling particularly lost. The youngest girl had left for University and I had a sudden panic that I hadn’t finished my job. I hadn’t told them everything I wanted them to know. I was a failure as a mother: they would fall in love with unsuitable men and drop out of college and be destitute and IT WOULD ALL BE MY FAULT! Of course, I eventually worked out that part of letting go was … well … letting go. I had to trust them. So when they variously fell in love with unsuitable men, dropped out of college and lived on the breadline, it wasn’t my fault at all. After all – they had this letter to refer back to – right?

So, my bright, brave, beautiful girls, has the title of this post got you quaking? Worried what your mother’s going to make public? You might be horrified that the whole world is now exposed to the “mum-isms” that embarrass you so much (such as my off the cuff remark on the radio on Friday about being top heavy with men), but actually most people don’t take me that seriously.

No, this is my way of imparting my priceless pearls of wisdom across the miles, sent with love (and only a little devilment!) You’ll have heard some of it before, but it bears saying again. Some of it will apply to you, some won’t, but I’ve lived a little, so this is hard-won intel here. Pay attention.

So, as you go through life as the strong, independent young women that you are, please remember the following:

Men always feel better about themselves if they think they know more than you. Sometimes, if you love them, let them think it – it’s good for their mental health.

You are beautiful. Believe it – you’ll know it’s true in thirty years when you look at old photographs and remember how you hated your nose/chin/thighs, whatever, by which time it’s too late to enjoy being young and gorgeous.

Life is too short to spend it worrying. Apart from a little light long-term planning, take each day as it comes and roll with the punches.

In the Western world, Life is rarely as hard and complicated as most people perceive it to be. Keep it simple.

Cultivate “an attitude of gratitude”.

Remember where you came from, but never look back.

Except to say hello to your parents every now and then.

Don’t labour under the illusion that I want you to phone me every day. I have a life. But you are still part of it, so try to fit in a weekly call.

Always listen to your intuition – better to be safe and look an arse than sorry and fall on yours.

Believe in yourself – you are without a doubt two of the brightest, most precious souls currently gracing this planet. And I am not biased.

Stay interested in life. It’s very interesting.

Always look for the good in people – there are more good people in this world than bad. Most are simply doing their best to get by, just like you.

Never say “I’m not a feminist, but…” The basic definition of a feminist is a woman who values herself. That’s it.

Always listen to advice respectfully, but never feel obliged to take it. Not even mine.

Be frugal with money. Strive to want what you have rather than have what you want.

Never miss an opportunity to help someone else.

Remember – how you feel is a matter of choice. Choose to be happy.

That’s all the wisdom of my years distilled into a few hundred words. As you know, I don’t always manage to live this way, but I do try. At the end of the day, in the words of the song, the love you take is equal to the love you make, so make sure you make lots of love. Er… maybe I’d better stop there, girls. Wouldn’t want to embarrass you.

Thank you – you’re welcome. I have a letter I wrote for my sons in the archives. I don’t think they’ve taken much notice though…

http://www.trulymadlykids.co.uk/ Megan – Truly Madly Kids

I loved this too! You are so wise and I am taking all parenting lessons from you! Thank you for sharing this with us x

Jo Blackwell

ha – I’m not sure I want THAT responsibility! lol x

http://www.my-travelmonkey.com My Travel Monkey

Lovely, this made me smile today. I especially like the ‘don’t waste your time worrying’ I’m still guilty of that but trying hard not to!

Jo Blackwell

Thank you. That’s my biggest, most persistent hurdle to overcome when it comes to my kids. It’s as if the act of worrying will keep them safe! x

http://www.icepicturestudio.co.uk/ Vix Ward

Wise words Jo, thank you! x

Jo Blackwell

You’re welcome 😉 x

http://www.normaleverydaylife.com/ normaleverydaylife

How sweet! I have a daughter in college and it’s amazing how your imagination can run away with you. I can totally relate to thinking “at least they have this letter to look back on!”

Jo Blackwell

Doesn’t it just! And with Facebook, we don’t even need to use our imaginations! Thank you for reading x

http://www.3childrenandit.com/ Suzanne Whitton

This is beautiful and I love every single one of these points. Thank you for sharing, it made me well up a little – I have two daughters, aged 13 and 14. A little way to go before they leave home but I can feel it in the air already….

Jo Blackwell

Thank you. Concentrate on enjoying the now and tomorrow will take care of itself. There are other joys to be had when they are grown xxx

http://Collectingmnts.blogspot.com/ Maria

I love this. Your daughters are only so lucky to have a thoughtful mom to give them all this useful bits to get through life. I love the one about nothing lasting forever–good or bad. I never thought of it that way, but it is true. It’ll certainly make me savor more of my days–good or bad. Thank you for sharing this.

Jo Blackwell

You’re welcome. That’s something my nan once said to me that stuck. We all have to find our own wisdom, don’t we? I love that my long-passed nan has impacted you too! x

You Baby Me Mummy

I love this post! So many wonderful lessons, I want to be your daughter! x

Jo Blackwell

Thank you! Always room in my heart for more 😉

Rosie_Woodhouse

Utterly priceless and fabulous advice!

Jo Blackwell

Thanks, Rosie 😉 x

Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect

This is great Jo. I write a blog with my teenage daughter and we have done a few old posts on giving advice to your daughter. I may use some of these ideas. I love “Never say I’m not a feminist but..”

Jo Blackwell

Thank you, Natalie. What a great idea – great way to stay connected and have an insight into how things are for her, x

NatashaShuttleworth

said everything and more – loved this post Jo!

Jo Blackwell

Thanks, Nat x

http://diaryofamumof3.com/ Caroline

This is simply perfect, what a lovely mum you are. x

Jo Blackwell

aw – bless you! x

Rebecca U

such sound advice and lovely to have it all written down for them – so nice! #pocolo

Jo Blackwell

Thank you, Rebecca! x

http://oddsocksandlollipops.co.uk/ Jenni – Odd Socks & Lollipops

Amazing advice =)

Jo Blackwell

Thank you, Jenni x

Victoria Welton

Lots of very sound advice – and I will definitely use this to pass on to Grace 🙂 thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x

Jo Blackwell

Thank you! Pass it on by all means, but add your own tips. She’ll value you’re words far more than mine. Eventually!

http://www.letstalkmommy.com/ Let’s Talk Mommy

So much great advice and I almost cried. I know I am so sappy. I love when mothers write to their children. So beautifully too. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

Jo Blackwell

Thank you so much! x

mummydaddyme

What a wonderful post, so much good advice, and it made me get really emotional as I have this to come in many years time. I love to read about the relationship between mothers and older daughters as it gives me an insight. x

Jo Blackwell

It can be a tricky relationship at times, but so worth it! x

Jess: mummyofboygirltwins

I love this!! Very true and beautifully written. I hope they take heed! Love that I have a daughter too and that we will be close and hopefully she will listen to me too (one day) xxxx

Jo Blackwell

If they don’t, Jess, then at least I don’t have to SAY “I told you so…” – they know I did! x

Julia Bryson

This is brilliant advice for any child, in fact I may have to save it for my own! Really agree with the attitude and learning to value yourself parts… Oh and the knickers on your head part! Xx #sundaystars

Jo Blackwell

Thank you, Julia! x

http://www.bodfortea.co.uk/ Michelle at Bod for tea

Opps I may have *sniffed* just a little bit at this!! Such a lovely letter full of wise words and written so beautifully too. Pinning on my fav posts from #sharethejoy – thank you so much for linking up x

http://www.trulymadlykids.co.uk/ Megan – Truly Madly Kids

The pleasure is all ours! Thanks for pinning it to your favourite posts! Huge compliment!

Jo Blackwell

Thank you so much, Michelle x

http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk Caro | The Twinkles Momma

What a beautiful letter – with some amazing life hacks too. I’ll bet your girls think they’ve got a very cool mum! Your words made me think of my future – for the day when my boys are fleeing the nest and it made me feel a little bit sad; but grateful too that your words will stay with me and I’ll be able to impart them to my own children. #SundayStars

Jo Blackwell

I don’t think my girls think I’m cool, Caro, lol. Far from it. But at least they know I think about things (then get them wrong). x

http://www.themultitaskingmummy.com/ Eva Lewis

Oh I just love this letter so much! I really wish I received that from my Mum, so much of it is true!!!

Jo Blackwell

Pass it on, Eva! I never knew my mother, but I always tried to be the mum I dreamed she would have been.

Mrs H

This is the most inspiring piece of writing for any young woman to read. Having a daughter has made me think differently about the world. I want to instill all the above pieces of advice in her. Maybe I need to write her a similar letter. Thank you for sharing such a beautifully written post on #SundaysStars. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

I’ve just got home from a month’s travel (catching up with my daughters, amongst other things!) and am overwhelmed by the response. Thank you so much for taking the trouble to comment and share – it makes my heart happy that so many people to relate to what I write. Love Jo x