Pull up a birthing chair, it’s time for a very special episode of Counting On! Jinger is about to squeeze her first baby from her spawn-shooter, and we all love a good Duggar Birthing Episode!

Oh…and Josiah and Lauren go on their European honeymoon and dance like they’re in some bad community theater play. Ho-hum…

This episode picks up in Texas where Jinger and Jeremy are settling into their controversial birthing place: AKA the hospital and not the floor of their home.

Jeremy attempts to keep the mood light by complimenting Jinge on her medical socks and trying out her hospital bed like he’s Goldilocks. Meanwhile, Michelle is marveling over the size of the labor suite while secretly wondering why the mattress isn’t on the floor. (She’s also probably trying to figure out how to get the hospital to let her take home that adjustable bed. Think of the fun she and Jimmy B could have with that thing!)

“Look what you’ve been missing, Michelle!”

Jana (along with Laura, who for some reason has tagged along to the blessed event) has arrived to support Jinger. (Jana’s probably just stoked that the blessing is being shot out at a hospital, which means she won’t have to hose down the ol’ birthing tarp like she usually does when a sibling gives birth.)

Soon it’s time for the midwife to insert some sort of bulb into Jinger’s cervix to help push the labor along, and we’re truly disappointed the camera crew didn’t capture the look on Michelle’s face while this went down. Talk about a missed opportunity!

While Jinger is enjoying the high class world of western medicine, Jessa and Ben are back home in Arkansas, stuffing Henry with pickles while The Spurge climbs the furniture to continue looking for those misplaced “change of name” papers.

Jessa— eager to take the spotlight away from her sister— has decided that she and Ben (and Ben’s hipster “jorts”) will be going to Texas to “surprise” Jinger in her already overcrowded birthing suite. Of course, they will be bringing their blessings along (because what says ‘peaceful birth’ quite like having two pickle-juice covered toddlers staring at you?)

And…because John-David is busy basking in his recent engagement, he’s unavailable to fly the Seewalds on Duggar Airlines so the family will have to fly (gulp!) commercial!

“I know I left those name-change forms somewhere around here… “

The Seewalds are throwing together some necessities before their flight, which to Jessa, includes a bathroom scale for some strange reason. (Um…?)

Jessa tells the producers that Jinger having a girl has given her a case of baby fever, which is pretty much synonymous with being a Duggar. (It looks like Ben won’t be wearing those jorts for long! Jessa’s in heat, y’all!)

Despite her desire for a Spurgenia, Jessa tells the producers she’s currently not expecting…yet.

“Pants down, Seewald. It’s baby-making time!”

“I mean, what’s one more diaper when you’ve already got a couple going on? Just throw it in the mix,” she says, completely disregarding her already less-than stellar reputation for disposing of diapers.

While the Seewalds head for Texas, Josiah and Lauren hit the airport to head to Austria for their honeymoon. Lauren says she and Josiah chose Austria because of her love of “The Sound of Music”… because nothing says romance like a movie featuring a Nazi invasion, am I right?

“Are you excited to finally see your new wife’s knees, Josiah?”

Sure, Lauren may love that movie, but you know they only “chose” Austria because all the other “good locations” were taken by Josiah’s siblings: Jessa went to Paris and Rome, Jinger went to Australia, Joy went to Switzerland and Joe went to Greece. (Oh, and poor Jill went to North Carolina…with Derick.)

By the time poor Josie gets hitched, the only unused honeymoon destination will be, like, Death Valley.

Once the newlyweds arrive in Austria, the producers probe them about their new chaperone-free life together. (In other words: the producers are asking, in a modest way, if they are humping like rabbits now.)

Of course, they drag out the other married Duggar kids and their spouses to ask them to give Josiah and Lauren advice on how to enjoy their honeymoon. (Um….did they not hear what we said? Hump.Like.Rabbits.)

Oh, and for goodness sakes, wear a damn condom, Josiah, so your first year of married life doesn’t include living in an RV while nine months pregnant. Ask Joy how fun that was…

“It was great…really…”

Unfortunately, none of the Dugs give real answers to the question. We just get a lot of nervous laughs and generic “enjoy your time together” responses. Kendra‘s face does get unnaturally red, though, which is kind of fun.

Jinger does give us a glimpse into how wild her honeymoon might have been, though…

“Take lots of pictures, and enjoy each other!” she says. (She did not specify if those “Kodak moments” were inside or outside of the hotel room. Get it, girl!)

Back in Texas, Jinger’s contractions are coming along, but the baby still hasn’t arrived. To help pass the time, Jeremy’s parents have come by to hang out and the group has busted out some puzzles because the hospital is evidently fresh out of G-rated movies.

“I’ve got berries, an epidural and an adjustable bed. This is how you give birth, ladies. LIKE.A.BOSS!”

Because you can only watch a group of adults labor (no pun intended) over a 500-piece puzzle for so long, we head back to Austria to check in with Josiah and Lauren as they begin to do some sightseeing around Austria.

First up on the itinerary is a tour of the town in some “hot rods” that look more like boxcars built by a Boy Scout. The couple somehow manage to make it through town without wrecking—-an especially impressive feat considering the amount of selfies Josiah took while driving.

Their next stop is to go coffee-tasting…even though Lauren says that the smell and taste of coffee makes her physically ill. Luckily, she’s just the woman, so it doesn’t matter what she wants to do!

Before the coffee tasting, the producers take a moment to ask some Duggar kids and spouses if they know what espresso is… and to the surprise of literally no one, we learn that every one of them insists on calling espresso “expresso.”

The next day, the couple sets out for a bicycle “Sound of Music” tour, because evidently that’s a real thing. Josiah says “The Sound of Music” is on the very short list of Duggar-approved movies, so growing up he watched it many times.

In what may be one of the more-cringeworthy scenes in Duggar history, Josiah and Lauren are soon acting and singing parts of the movie with some strangers in their tour group. Before we know it, the couple is legit “do-re-mi-ing” all over the damn place, over-exaggerated marching and all. Josiah is looooving it. He sure has a knack for theater arts, that boy…

Julie Andrews is shook.

Back in Texas, Jinger is also singing because she has decided to get…AN EPIDURAL! Although “epidural” is basically a bad word in the Duggar birthing circles, Jinger is over it and has no problem accepting some pain relief.

Jana seems actually disturbed by the fact that her sister has chosen to get an epidural. She is asked about it by producers and she mumbles through some weird explanation, almost like she has to make an excuse for Jinger getting the epidural. (I’m sure Jill offered to come over with her trusty Doppler and pray away the pain, but Jinger wasn’t having it!)

“But I even cleaned it off after I used it on Joy!”

Once Jinger gets the epidural, she’s in an even better mood. She’s laughing, joking and putting together the puzzle, which is, of course, a far cry from the horrific birthing experiences of her sisters. She’s not on the commode, screaming in pain (a la Anna), or laboring for 78 hours like Jill, or huffing on a dirty floor mattress begging for someone to help her (a la Joy). Jinger is genuinely enjoying the process, knowing that she is as safe as possible and getting adequate medical care.

DUGGAR GIRLS TAKE NOTE!

Several hours later, the nurse comes in to check on her and says the Vuolos’ blessing is mere moments from slip-sliding her way out into the world. With that, the cameramen turn the cameras to the side so Jinger’s not on camera while pushing the baby out. (This is unlike any of the other Duggar girls’ births, where the camera is basically inches from their grimacing faces as they push.)

What basically every other Duggar woman has seen while giving birth…

We do get to hear Baby Felicity make her arrival, though. Jeremy immediately proclaims his newfound appreciation for the power of women. (Somewhere in Arkansas, Jim Bob is shaking his head…)

Soon after the baby’s birth, Ben and Jessa show up with their kids to surprise the new parents/take up space in the already crowded room. Upon meeting her new niece, Jessa quickly snatches her up and starts going off about her own case of baby fever, yet again.

We get it, Jess. Your loins are itching for another kid. Can’t you let Jinger have the spotlight for one damn day, though?!

Back at the Duggar compound, Jim Bob hops on to video chat with some of the Duggar kids to check out his newest grandchild, whom, much to his disappointment, is not named Jim Bobette.

“Can I still call her ‘JB’ for short?”

Josiah and Lauren are off on another Austrian adventure, this time with costumes! The couple dons some traditional garb while they hang out on a random family’s farm.

Lauren and Josiah eat the people’s food, play with their farm equipment and even milk a goat. This trip is definitely less honeymoon and more third-grade-birthday-party adjacent, but hey (or “hay” in this case), whatever floats your lederhosen.

“Don’t even think about trying this back in the honeymoon suite, Josiah!”

The day on the farm culminates with an outdoor meal, during which the family wants to know more about life in America.

Josiah proceeds to explain that there are “many kids” in his family and despite the language barrier, the family’s judgement fully translates. The Austrian family looks confused and kind of scared of Americans.

Nothing beats the universal language of judging others.

Back in Texas, it’s time for Jinger and Jeremy to bring Felicity home, so they slap a larger than life bow on her head and load up the car.

Once they arrive at home, they treat her to a tour of her nursery and even she is impressed by the work her aunts (AKA Jana) did on the place, all at no cost to her parents. Looks like she’ll fit right in!

“She needs a new diaper… Jana hasn’t caught her flight back home yet, has she?”

On the next episode of ‘Counting On,’ Ben is tasked with tutoring some of the little Duggars… so go ahead and start trying to wrap your mind around that one.

For protection of ALL the newborns, no kids, except for siblings, were allowed in the mother/baby unit when I had my children. This shows such obliviousness of Jessa to bring her small kids into a newborn unit.