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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

You Don't Look Twice Cause You Move So Fast

Today is one of those days that just magically jumped up and bit me in the ass.

And it's nothing in particular, just the kids being kids and my dad being my dad and my dad's business being his business and the sun being the sun and all shiny and shit and really, how much would it cost to go to Greece? I can leave the kids at the airport, they'd love with all those long echo-y halls and multiple bathrooms to splash and germs to get infected with.

And you know what is particularly pissing me off?

Someone sent me one of those it-doesn't-matter-who-you-are- now-because-in-200-years-all-that-will-be-remembered-of- you-is-how-you-were-in-the-life-of-a-child-bullshit emails.

Because fuck yeah, who cares if every damn dish in the house is dirty and you "accidentally" ripped up five of the peeling self adhesive tiles out of your dining room over a week ago and you can't clean that toxic adhesive stuff and you know it has wheat in it because you feet get sticky when you sit down to do work and then your feet start breaking out in little blisters but cleaning up that god damn glue is fucking impossible and then you start neglecting your children and the social services comes and takes your kids away because of the floor and piled dishes and in 200 years you're gonna be known and remembered as the dumbfuck that ripped out her floors and social services took her kids away because of it.

So, yeah. SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKING GREAT IDEA.

Don't do anything. Don't work. Don't pay bills. Don't answer the phone. Don't do any laundry. Don't weed your garden. Don't go to the pumpkin patch. Don't go by Tuckie a new habitat because he's growing. Don't go to the pharmacy and get your children their allergy medicine BECAUSE IN TWO HUNDRED YEARS IT WON'T MATTER.

Stupid F-ing emails...I mean, I don't have kids (yet) so where does that leave me? I mean what if I don't squeeze that in to all the other crap I'm doing...I've already put it off this far...Does that mean my whole life doesn't matter (I have a blog, I must be doing something other than tapping into my intrinsic narcissitic behaviors)

Oh...when we were ripping out the (probably asbestos backed) linoleum in the bathroom, I used Desolve-It...it has some sort of orange oil in it, and it works on all sorts of glue, including carpet glue on wood floors, and it's not as toxic...

I received a similar email just today about "Just for today ..." Uh, yeah. I have bed sheets to wash, beds to remake, (DVDs to make), dinner to bake, more laundry to do. I couldn't bear to read it after the first three words. Maybe another day. Maybe never.

um, maybe I should have mentioned that the shit they used back in the time of dinosaurs for peel and stick is seriously cement. Acetone is what I had to use...extremely toxic acetone...oh, and flammable.

I.HATE.FORWARDED.EMAILS.

They were invented by the devil. They are always lame...always...has anyone EVER received a cool forward?

(and to agree with the above commenters - "fucktard" is most excellent.

I don't get to use it much, what with Schecky being around most of the time - but with Atlanta traffic being what it is, I THINK it all the damn time. What I do say all the time, though, is "jack hat" - I figure it combines jackass and asshat, yet technically, it's nothing you can't say in front of the boy.

But Bubba says that *I* am the one who is going to have to attend THAT parent-teacher conference. You know, the "language" one....)

That word is destined for a plaque on my home office wall! I hear you and share your pain. Just get new tiles and stick over where you pulled the old ones out. Pretty easy to cut to fit if the don't quite go in the space anymore. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure that's why God made area rugs.Hang in there, and if you find a good use for "used children with expired warranties" give me a jingle as I'll be anxious to know what to do with them myself.

d a picture of my floor. No REALLY. We have that same weird 70s-esq tile with the fancy corners OVER the same dang compacted linoleum but not really type stuff... same colors and EVERYTHING.. FAHHHHREEEEAAAAAAKKKKKKKYYYYY

Oh my gawd, it looks like my floor. Get a hot air gun, it works wonders and you get high on the fumes. Knocks the kids and pets right the hell out. We walked on wood underneath for 2 years before the tile was replaced. Grat fun.