Wednesday, March 31, 2010

TULIP ISLAND
A proposal to gain 600.000 m2 of land near the Dutch coast recently came from the CDA (Dutch Christian-Democratic political party). The idea is to create a tulip-shaped island that will provide agricultural space, clean energy, a new national airport and protect the current coastline all at once. The proposal must be seen as a teaser to market the idea of creating such an island. However it is not entirely unthinkable that it may become realized; Dutch contractors already built a Palm-shaped island located off the Deira coast of Dubai.

Despite Arminian propaganda this is not going to be a prison for Calvinists.

Have you ever noticed how many times John 10:9 is used, where Jesus said, "I am the door (or "gate") whoever enters through me will be saved."...and John 10:7 seems to be skipped over? This first mention qualifies the second mention - verse 7 states, "I tell you the truth, I am the door for the sheep." (emphasis mine)

Saturday, March 27, 2010

After ejecting from an Army jet over Nevada, Corky finds himself on an old abandoned highway. Corky lost his GPS in the fall and plans on hitch hiking his way to Las Vegas. In his text message, he stated that he was informed, by an albino librarian, of a plot to bump him off in the near future. Be careful, Corky Velveeta! It's a dangerous world out there!

One spams his agenda. Ever so often, I have to delete these Chinese comments that are just a link to some x-rated site. Or they just want to advertise their web site. They comment once, never to be seen again.

The second kind, likes to jam a complaint, or state their theological position. That's more than fine with me but, when you respond to their comment, or ask a question, they never answer. So they hit and never return.

The third kind, seldom, if ever, comments. They just enjoy reading what others have to say. When they do comment, it is usually a home run. They are as encouraging as a new friend stopping by and having a cup of coffee.

Here is your chance to step up to the plate. If you have never commented before...or maybe just left a note or two...make yourself known! Just a few words will be like a candle that lights up a old school house that has been exposed to radiation. Just a word or two can give strength to an old soldier who has come home to find his chevy stolen and his garbage can missing. Just one word can lift the spirit of a man who has wasted a lot of time today trying to fix a broken scanner. I know you are out there. And even if you choose not to type a single letter, I am glad you came. Make yourself at home. Kick off your shoes and stay awhile.

Long time fan of Calvinistic Cartoons and buttered toast, Mulan Travino, spotted Corky Velveeta in an animated cartoon that was airing on a PBS documentary three weeks ago. Thanks Mulan for your information. I will be sending you a check for $6000. If you wouldn't have waited so long I would have thrown in another grand.

Thank You for taking the time to do this and share your blog, Calvinistic Cartoons is a daily read for me.
My desire is to emit God’s word… from the bible… purely Calvinistic… from godly men who can say it much better than I can.

Stuff Calvinist Like is a blog devoted to all the wonderful things Calvinists like. Some serious, some funny, all are in the spirit of reaching out to all that find us and giving them a dose of Calvinist culture and theology.

"This blog is an expression of my ideas and opinions that derive from my conservative, fundamentalist, Christian world-view. It is intentionally provocative, probably annoying, and often wrapped in satirical and sometimes sarcastic wit."

The purpose of Against the Current is to encourage believers to walk with Christ no matter what the cost. In many ways my story is similar to Christians worldwide - experiencing the joys of serving Jesus Christ, encountering opposition from Christians to the obedience of God's call, wrestling with Scripture wanting to understand it and apply it, or even being lonely in church for lack of true fellowship, undergoing spiritual warfare, sorrowfully witnessing unbelievers rejecting Christ. But whether I am experiencing ease or difficulty, I strive to daily take up my cross and follow Christ, and in doing so I am going against the current. Using my Christian walk as an example, though I clearly do not "have it all figured out", I seek to encourage Christians to keep their focus on Jesus Christ and live for His glory. - Committed Christian

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Kevin Moonbeam Davis, otherwise known as Kevin the Prophet, started preached his odd doctrine of santification in 1936 at the world's first washeteria.

His belief that sinners should be "cleaned by a washing machine" and his vision of the future where the earth's inhabitants will be nothing but floating brains, gave the cult it's name, "The Brain Washers".

Kevin also taught that hiccups were a sign of demon possession and the only way to exoricise the demonic spirit was to stop, drop and roll.
The Brain Washers were known for going door to door, in pairs, and handing out bars of lye soap shaped like tiny brains. Once invited inside the home, they would pretend to drop dead and come back to life."Clean the unseen to maintain the brain" was their mantra.
Kevin claimed to have been raised by wolves and would eat dog food for breakfast on special occasions.
"Wolves are very clean animals", he would say to reporters, "they always kept their caves tidy and neat. And when we traveled, we always used anti-bacterial soap to wash our paws before chowin' down on a deer or armadillo."
"When I saw my first washing machine, I heard the voice of an angel tell me to stick my head in and wash away all my troubles. I was never the same after that. I knew my mission in life. It was filled with suds. Suds of cleansing. Suds of power. Suds of love."
Kevin the Prophet was struck by lightning one night as he was laundering money in a washeteria near San Jose.
All of his followers blended into the Emerging Church movement and were never seen again.

Corky gets his picture taken with The Jolly Green Giant and the Not-So-Jolly Green Giant. Corky was able to display a number of sandwich boards throughtout the town of Blue Earth, Minnesota. After giving $1,000 to a Mr. C.V. Raveon for saying, "Cotton Adams was a Calvinist", the Hulk said to Corky, "Adam..Calvin..Money" and although those were not the winning words, Corky handed over a grand to the man with the green hands lest he become enraged and cause a scene. Anyway, Hulk promised to help distribute Calvinistic Cartoon flyers at the Macy's St. Patrick's Day parade! Keep up the good work Corky!

Corky Velveeta asked to be dropped off at the Antarctica Calvinistic Cartoons office to pick up more banners and leaflets. In this insanely cold and windy dry desert, (it actually is the world's largerst desert!) all that can be seen for miles is the CC offices, penguins and four Starbucks Coffee Shops.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Eucalyptus Jones, the uber-charismatic leader of the cult, Smorgasbordianism, was born in a Lincoln Log Cabin in Tinseltown, Tennessee in 1945. He rose to prominence when he was baptized in the Tinseltown River. Seems he decided not to surface and swam a quarter of a mile under water. The Church body that met there thought he had disappeared.

Jones, wet and cold, found a cave containing a skeleton, a journal and a box of crackers. Eucalyptus saw this as a sign to proclaim himself "The Angel of Smorgasbordianism". His doctrine was an anything and everything doctrinal buffet that also included broccoli with melted cheese.

He started his "church" in the basement the Alamo in San Antonio, Texas. He quickly amassed seven loyal followers who claimed that Jones could not die. Within three years, Smorgasbordianism had grown into a congregation of eight and moved their "church" to the North Pole where they were never seen until April of 2002. Their frozen bodies were found forming the word, "WHY" on the icy tundra. Upon further investigation and DNA testing, scientists discovered that Eucalyptus Jones had been hit by lightning an hour before the formation.

Eucalyptus Jones was buried, at his cousin's request, in a cement coffin shaped like a ukulele.

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A Testimony to God's Saving Grace

My B.C. years were pocked with sin and grief.I did all I could to fulfill my carnal ambitions. Thinking I would always earn a living as a musician, I dropped out of high school to devote myself to sex, drugs and rock n' roll. Getting high was my top priority. I was jailed eventually, hospitalized, and committed to a mental institution because of my suicidal inclinations. When I was released, I continued pursuing the same activities. I did all I could to escape reality. I was running from myself...running from my past...and without knowing it at the time, running straight into the hands of God! I now realize the Lord was setting up all the roadblocks, detours, and dead-ends in my life, leading me through a seemingly hopeless maze into a direct confrontation with His Son, Jesus Christ! Hebrews 1:14 declares that God sends His angels to render service to "those who will inherit salvation." He was surely doing that in my tangled life. One night, while alone in my room, I could run no longer. I reached out to the Lord and cried in desperation for Him to save me from a life misspent. He heard my plea and miraculously and instantly transformed me. I will never be the same.

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A Word from the Romans 9 Grenade about Calvinistic Cartoons:

Corky Velveeta said...

It seems to me a contradiction in terms to say, as some have, that satire need have no moral lesson or didactic purpose, for the essence of satire is aggression or criticism, and criticism has always implied a systematic measure of good and bad. An object is criticized because it falls short of some standard which the critic desires that it should reach. Inseparable from any definition of satire is its corrective purpose, expressed through a critical mode which ridicules or otherwise attacks those conditions needing reformation in the opinion of the satirist. I believe there is no satire without this corrective purpose.

Accordingly, the best definitions of satire should be formulated from a combination of its corrective intent and its literary method of execution. A reasonable definition of satire, then, is "a literary manner which blends a critical attitude with humor and wit to the end that human institutions or humanity may be improved. The true satirist is conscious of the frailty of institutions of man's devising and attempts through laughter not so much to tear them down as to inspire a remodeling"

The best satire does not seek to do harm or damage by its ridicule, unless we speak of damage to the structure of vice, but rather it seeks to create a shock of recognition and to make vice repulsive so that the vice will be expunged from the person or society under attack or from the person or society intended to benefit by the attack (regardless of who is the immediate object of attack); whenever possible this shock of recognition is to be conveyed through laughter or wit: the formula for satire is one of honey and medicine. Far from being simply destructive, satire is implicitly constructive, and the satirists themselves, whom I trust concerning such matters, often depict themselves as such constructive critics.