Scam Spam

by Anniel11/28/15
We installed a filter on our e-mail, so I was unaware that I had won a Publishers Clearing House prize until one of their “representatives” called to tell me that they would be delivering my new Mercedes Benz that very afternoon, along with my check for $5,000,000.00. The real fun started when I asked the “representative” what he was talking about.

“Didn’t you get our e-mail letting you know of your winnings?” he asked.

“How would I win anything when I subscribe to no magazines? Especially not through your company. Besides your connection is so terrible I can hardly understand you,” I said. He told me he lived in Las Vegas and he gave me a new number and told me to call back and ask for “Ted Saltin” so I would know for sure he was on the level.

I did call back just for fun. Some woman answered, “Publishers Clearing House, how may I help you?” She put Mr. Saltin right on. He went through his spiel again and asked if I believed him now, and I said, “No.” He said that hurt his feelings because he was a deacon in his church and he knew God was blessing me, so I was turning my back on the blessing he was bringing me from God’s hands. I hung up. He called back telling me how I didn’t trust God. I hung up again. Bear answered the next three calls and acted confused each time.

I finally answered again and Mr. Saltin told me that all I had to do to claim my prize was go to a Walgreens, have a copy of my driver’s license and proof of auto insurance card made and send them, along with a $50.00 electronic money order, to his address in Vegas to hold my winnings. Right. After I hung up again, he called at least once or twice a day to tell me how foolish I was being. He even asked me why I didn’t believe in God.

About the third day I received a call where he forgot to use his burner phone and Caller ID showed a Jamaica number. As soon as I heard his voice I said loudly to my daughter, “Isn’t this rich, the Las Vegas idiot is really Jamaican. That’s where the scam originates.” His final click was so satisfying.

Yesterday I finally decided to clean my spam filter, and not only did I find my Publishers Clearing House notification, but I also discovered I had won the U.K. E-mail Sweepstakes worth 550,000 Euros. Have I ever been lucky, or what? And only my spam filter has kept me from my riches. All I have to do for the Euros is contact a Law Office in Colchestershire within ten more days.

Since, in good conscience I cannot accept unearned monies, and I didn’t want my children fighting over the spoils, I had decided to make the Chief Editor and Disrupter of StubbornThings, Brad Nelson, my sole heir.

Alas! This morning, I got that dreaded call from an IRS case officer telling me I owe the Government so much in back taxes that they are going to place liens on all of my holdings, and probably take my home and first-born child, too. So far the grandchildren seem safe.

I’m so sorry, Brad, you’ll have to hope for better luck on your own. Although maybe you could also inherit the privilege of paying the overdue taxes? John Koskinen would take it, he always needs more money.

I mean, what’s a girl to do in the world of scam that exists from the top of the food chain on down? It is true that everything can be a scam and everybody can be a scammer, especially in the governments of the world, even ours, as they exert their power and control. Too bad we can’t all filter the scammers like so much spam.

Where will they (all scammers, small and large) hide when the trumpets sound and call them to judgment?

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P.S. Publishers Clearing House called my son today to deliver his new Mercedes and check. He handled it better than I did. He told the man he lives in Aniak and they would have to hire a transport plane to make the four hour flight from Anchorage to Aniak. And he wasn’t sure how the Mercedes would hold up on the dirt of the only road in town. He got hung up on and no one has called him back. He said he’s sorry he can’t afford a new toaster oven for me at Christmas after all. • (793 views)

10 Responses to Scam Spam

That’s a new one. I check my spam list every day, which allows me to remove anything I really wanted to get (this has been known to happen on rare occasion) from the list, and then delete all the rest. The interesting thing about your story is that there really is a Publishers Clearing House (I suppose; we haven’t gotten anything from them in years). I wonder, do other real companies have spamsters using their names?

Scammers will try anything and they use all kinds of legitimate business names. The IRS has put out PSAs saying they never call anyone on the telephone. They always send a representative first. But some people panicked, sent their checks to the stated address and got burned really bad before the IRS found out and the scam was exposed. The scammers reside off shore and can’t be touched.

Now you have got me worried. Only today, I received emails confirming;

1. There is US$5 million waiting for me at ECO Bank in Benin.
2. I was the heir to US$7.5 million from a man in Africa who I never met.
3. A new BMW V12 sport and British Pounds 500,000 is my for the claiming.
4. A Master Card is awaiting me with a value of US$7 million on it.
5. US$7.5 million from World Trading Organization is waiting for me at Zenith Bank
6. Ban Moon Ki is just waiting to remit US$2.5 million at the rate of US$10,000 per day once I remit only US$124.00 to cover insurance and other incidentals.

But I have not heard from the Publisher’s Clearing House yet. I feel left out.

On the other hand, I regularly received telephone calls from “Microsoft’s” Indian subsidiary advising me that I have some problems with my computer, which they would gladly fix if I would only give them access to it.

Yes, I’ve gotten that Microsoft scam, and even fell for it. Fortunately, I have a friend who was able to check out the computer and get rid of the spyware he had added. I also received a Microsoft e-mail saying I needed to confirm my e-mail address, which I also fell for. This is why I had to change my e-mail address and thus my Disqus handle. It’s also how a lot of people (I think including Brad) got messages from “me” saying I was in Kuala Lumpur and needed money to get home. (I don’t know if the messages explained how I managed to max out all my credit cards so that I couldn’t use them. Nor did it explain why I went there without Elizabeth, who got one of the messages.)

I do get spam that looks like it may be something like one of yours, but I never open it to find out. This does remind me of the British reporter a decade ago who fell for the Nigerian scam (and, of course, blamed it on George W. Bush).

I do not open attachments or click on links from people I do not know.

As to being stuck in Kuala Lumpur, commonly known as K.L. to everyone in S.E. Asia, well if you ever happen to end up there, I think you might take some time and visit Penang at the northern tip of Malaysia and then fly down to Singapore at the other end of the Malay Peninsula. Personally, I would not be in any real hurry to get back. Just send money.

KFZ: You are outnumbering me. My daughter had a sort of friend who fell for the Nigerian scam and tried to sue the bank for releasing the funds because they should have known better. I have received the Microsoft and a different Windows scam. The don’t know what to say when I tell them I don’t use Windows. But do watch that nefarious IRS agent.

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