My husband and I live in and take care of my mom who has moderate dementia and are looking for a sweet caring female to come over Mon - Fri for a few quality time hours with mom every day. I am pretty much the sole caretaker of my mom and rarely have respite time or quality time with her between a full time job and taking care of the house, cooking, driving, etc. I've been doing this for over 10 years and need help. We are also looking for a well referenced care giver who can stay with mom when we are able to get away for work vacation time, with one coming up in late August. I love my mom very much and we are very close so it's tough for me to ask for help but for me to be the best care taker it's time I have a little help. Any references would be greatly appreciated. We live in the San Diego, CA area.

13 Comments

Hi I am a nurse and im hesitant to use agencies unless i can interview and pick and choose frankly. What i did was call our local Temple and ask if any of the members could recommend aides they had used and liked. This has worked out very well for me . I did however, do a back ground check on my choice. Look at their references and how they interacted with Mom . One came in with ear buds hanging from her neck and barely spoke to Mom ..No thanks ..out the door with you.

I had very bad luck with the use of agencies. Dad and Mom didn't do well with strangers...and the agency seems to have to high a turnover.

Very young caregivers just didn't work. My parents and they could not relate at all.

I found a great lady. She came over to the house a couple times and got so my parents could get to know her. When I wanted to hire her...I called the agencies and explained this was the lady...and only her. They should hire her if they wanted to keep my business. They did. Later I met her stepdaughter... she now also fills in.

These two ladies have become like family.

I think you should cast a net wide among your friends and social circles.

Airforce,There are so many things to consider. I might check with an agency. I know that a few years ago, when I was searching for someone to help with a LO who had mobility problems due to a fracture, I tried to get a private person for a few hours per day. I got a list from the local Senior Center of private caregivers. I must have called over 40 people and none of them were available. Everyone was tied up with other jobs. It was pretty incredible. I learned then that it's not easy to find a good independent, in-home care provider. They are in high demand.

The cost varies by region. Maybe, someone can chime in about that. I'm located in NC, but, not near Charlotte.

We used an agency to get a "buddy" for Dad, and to give Mom a break while we were at work. We got the same lady every time ( in the rare emergency the agency owner arrived with the fill in and made sure everyone was on track, no problems) Because she was agency we had no worries about insurance, payroll, she was bonded, etc. She also was able to do light housework and could cook dinners if needed ( mom would not let her..LOL) But she quickly became part of the family, as a buddy to dad and mom both! My ILs now use the same agency for 3 times a week bath care for MIL, and to fill in when BIL and SIL go away. Thier experience is a bit different.... FIL is bossy and grumpy and hates to pay for anything so he is always trying to get more for his money.. and they have been through several "maids"... as he treats them. One actually quit thier care the day he came home from rehab! So you may have to try a few to get a good fit.. but for us it was wonderful for all of us. we still miss our gal, and if Mom every needs a buddy we'll be trying to get the same woman back!

I would really research all of the considerations when hiring someone to come into your home. There are so many risks. You can hire an independent person, but are they trained for emergencies, bonded, dependable, etc. What if they were injured on your property while working. What if they obtained personal information while you were out and used it? What if they simply left without giving you notice? I'd be very careful about it. An agency doesn't guarantee a great experience, but there are certain safeguards they provide.

I think I might check into a facility that offers daily care on their premises. That way, there would be meals, activities and social interaction while your mom is there, plus medical support if she were to need it.

If you decide to hire someone independently, I'd get legal advice on preparing a written contract that covers the many issues that could arise, including taxes and insurance.

Several options: Have you looked into Respite Care at an assisted living/memory care? Often times, it they have availability, they will offer short stays such as a week or two. Going this route will keep your costs low and will ensure mom is in a safe environment. My next suggestion would be talk to someone in the Senior Living industry in your area. Ask them "who would you hire to take care of your parent". You will get the best of the best this way. If you're looking for some time here and there, what about an adult day care center? You could sign mom up for a day or two a week? That would get you some "me time" every week, which is very important. -Ben

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