I think your own advice you gave earlier was spot on. Look through her profile and use it in your conversations. Your cheese line was perfect.

I don't think the problem is you're not interesting. Like i said, i watched some youtube videos on chats people first had when they were online dating and their conversations were fairly dull. You are probably ahead of the curve in that.

Something else is happening which I'm not certain if it's something you did or if you two just aren't a good fit.

Lol, but you live in Scotland. Aren't you all redheads? Anyways, I can't imagine why the color of your hair would scare anyone away. I can't imagine going, "Nope, that guys hair is too dark" or "Sorry, your hair is not my type".

Lol, but you live in Scotland. Aren't you all redheads? Anyways, I can't imagine why the color of your hair would scare anyone away. I can't imagine going, "Nope, that guys hair is too dark" or "Sorry, your hair is not my type".

There seems to be an anti-red bias in the UK that does not exist in America.

And I know I am a sensitive sort, but when I hear their “joking” about it, it really seems quite mean.

There seems to be an anti-red bias in the UK that does not exist in America.

And I know I am a sensitive sort, but when I hear their “joking” about it, it really seems quite mean.

Cheers,
Ian

Well that just seems silly. I guess I've heard a few redhead jokes, but I didn't think people had any serious problem with it. Kind of like the "dumb blonde" jokes. Guess all the redheads just need to move to America.

For me it means "I am being bored with your presence so please entertain me"

Or, "I don't find your company exciting any bit, but hey, I have nothing better to do tonight so maybe tell a joke ?"

It always turns me off

Since I am not a lady, I must tell you that an alpha male is never told to "say something interesting"

Hey wait, I'm a lady who dates ladies and I've never had anyone tell me that. So does that mean I'm an alpha female then?

All joking aside, that phrase is really lazy, especially if it's done in the very early stages. It puts the pressure on the other person to be entertaining while putting no effort in yourself. If a person you're curious about dating does that, just move on, they are more interested in themselves than in you.

If it's used later, especially in person, it depends on how it's said. If it's on the first date it can be anything from "I'm so bored right now, entertain me!!" to "I'm trying to initiate flirty conversation with you" depending on how it's delivered. If it's after the first date, you can hopefully read the person well enough already to know their intent.

If it's written on someone's profile page on a dating site, then it really depends on the context. If it's a sentence all by itself, without much context, then it's a sign that the person doesn't know themselves well enough to know what they want. If it's coupled with other things related to putting some effort into your first message, then that's all it is, asking you to show that you have read the profile and that something in it caught your attention. (Which should not be their pictures. Just... No... Don't!) In this context it's also a bit lazy, but not the end of the world.

Women are not that complicated, guys. Don't overthink it. We don't have a secret code-language club where we come up with alternative meanings for phrases that mean something completely different from what we're saying and all agree to confuse men with them. Just take body language and context into consideration and everything will make perfect sense.

Mini human interaction guide:Feel free to skip this part of the post

The best way to approach a human, no matter their gender, is to show interest in them. You should ask them questions and show interest and they should ask you questions in return and show interest, that's all there is to it. If one party doesn't follow this and makes it about themselves, then the other party will not enjoy their company. It's not an interview or interrogation, it's supposed to be a conversation. You are both expected to follow the same protocol.

If you run out of things to ask about and find nothing that mutually excites you to the point of detouring from the questions-to-initiate-conversation routine, then the conversation will dry out and you didn't click. In this case you (internally and quietly) appreciate that they showed interest in you but you didn't click, file it under "good, but boring human interactions" and move on. This will happen to varying degrees with the vast majority of people you run into, because (fortunately) people are quite diverse in what excites them.

Sometimes, however, you will find someone with whom you end up naturally getting out of the asking questions stage and instead start building upon what the other person is saying and you both get mutually excited and entertained from interacting. Congratulations! You find each other interesting and fun! You now have the foundation of a relationship (romantic or not) to work from.

That's it. Human interaction really is that simple.

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Women are not that complicated, guys. Don't overthink it. We don't have a secret code-language club where we come up with alternative meanings for phrases that mean something completely different from what we're saying and all agree to confuse men with them. Just take body language and context into consideration and everything will make perfect sense.

Yea, no "bro code" for us. Maybe "Hoe code"? (jk..)
"Girl Whirl"? "Sisterhood?"
Just trying to be witty but..its not working today.
I think Men like to say we are so confusing or become hostile when they dont get us sometimes because they are not paying attention as much as they think they are.
As far as dating women goes, IME it can go both ways. There can be crazy lesbian drama or chill, connected women with mutual respect and a deep understanding of each other. JMO.

__________________President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?

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As far as dating women goes, IME it can go both ways. There can be crazy lesbian drama or chill, connected women with mutual respect and a deep understanding of each other. JMO.

That's very true. In my younger years I certainly had my share of drama, but I've learned to spot people who like to stir it up by now. (Also how not to cause it myself, I wasn't exactly totally innocent either. ) When you find chill women though, it's really good.

If it's coupled with other things related to putting some effort into your first message, then that's all it is, asking you to show that you have read the profile and that something in it caught your attention. (Which should not be their pictures. Just... No... Don't!)

Why actually ? Because she gets 1000s of it or there's another reason ?

When women say "say something interesting" on a dating site, what exactly do they mean?

I know women generally don't like "Hi, how are you doing", as they probably get a huge load of these messages.

So what exactly are they looking for?

I try to see whats written on their profile and I generally make a comment about something i've read. But my response success rate doesn't seem to be all that good, although very slightly better than simply saying "Hi".

It's frustrating because I feel like I just come across as completely disinteresting, no matter how hard I try. Perhaps i'm trying too hard and i'm over thinking what I should say. But if I don't take the time to think about what to say, then "Hi" is the best I can come up with.

At what stage did the woman say that? It's not aeat question as like ovvey said it's out the onus of making conversation.on tge other person which is lazy and unfair. However if said later after the exchange of a few pleasantries I wonder if it's shorthand for "tell me something interesting (different/personal) about yourself". Then you can just come out with some random.tidbit about your likes, hobbies, sonehjibg you've recently done or something about yourself.

I can see why seeing "say something interesting" would be hard for mean to grasp.IMO I think its to steer the convo away from the underlying sexual innuendo that is so prevalent on these sites. I think its a way for women to see how vested a guy is in getting to know you vs if he is just looking for sex.

__________________President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?

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