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Listening to the Dave Gorman Show recently, I heard some horrifying developments in the world of childhood favourite Postman Pat- wild stories of Royal Mail abandonment, helicopters and movies.

Naturally, I assumed at first that the rumours had no basis in fact and set out to confirm the assumption. Disappointingly, it turned out that it was all true. In the words of Wikipedia,

“Postman Pat was no longer sponsored by the Royal Mail…. This link was dropped in November 2000, with the Royal Mail spokesman saying the character no longer fitted in with the company’s “corporate image.”….Postman Pat was switched to being an employee of the fictional Special Delivery Service.” (Shock 1- Pat gets privatised. Before long, life was to imitate art)

Pat now gets about in a variety of vehicles, namely “SDS Van (Pat 2) Pat’s all new eco-van, much bigger than the small van and can carry special deliveries, SDS Helicopter (Pat 3)… which he uses to complete tricky special deliveries across Greendale and Pencaster, SDS Mini Van (Pat 4) New Special Delivery Service mini van. Based on Pat’s Pat 1 van and SDS Motorbike (Pat 5)…. complete with side-car for Jess.” (Shock 2- the classic red van, Pat 1, is gone)

The last bombshell also turned out to be true to the last grisly detail:

“A movie has been announced and will feature Postman Pat in a Got Talent-type TV show where he discovers he has an amazing singing voice and he becomes an overnight sensation.” (Shock 3- Pat has essentially become SuBo)

Already reeling, there was worse to follow:

“It may be a 3D film” (non-shock 1: another one on the pointless bandwagon)

Ok, things move on, times change, we have to let go and accept such things. I was jus about ready to do so but then there was one last blow to fall, that simply defies all logic as well as treading dog muck onto the carpet of Pat’s legacy:

“A spinoff to the series was made called Guess with Jess which follows Pat’s cat Jess now with the ability to talk and his adventures with the farm animals”