Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.Groucho Marx~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."~~~~~~~~~~

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?" ~~~

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"~~

Once there was this guy named Bill, and his favorite sport was driving around in his truck hitting lawyers. One day as Bill was out running over lawyers and having tons of fun, he saw a priest hitchhikingon the side of the road.Mistaking him for a lawyer, Bill almost hit him, but swerved away at the last second. Feeling terrible, Bill offered to give the priest a ride.

So Bill and the priest are driving along, neither of them saying much, when Bill saw a lawyer walking along. He immediately recognized him by the trail of slime he left in his wake. Getting all excited, Bill sped up in hot pursuit of the lawyer. At the very last second, Bill remembered the priest sitting in his truck with him, and he swerved out of the way. Relieved to have missed the lawyer, Bill turned to the priest. "Father, I almost hit a lawyer!" Bill cried.

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner said, "No."

The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?", and again the coroner said, "No."

Then the attorney asked, "Did you check for breathing?", and again the coroner said, "No."

"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"

The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnite, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.

"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

Replied the governor: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker." ~~~~~~~~~~

A lawyer and his brother were hunting. A mountain lion jumped out in front of them and started snarling. The brother said "What should we do?" The lawyer said "I'm gonna run for it." The brother said "You can't outrun a mountain lion!" The lawyer said "I don't have to outrun HIM-- I only have to outrun YOU."~~~~~~~~

The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.

After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth." ~~~~~~~~~

An old miser, because of his exceptional thrift, had no friends. Just before he died he called his doctor, lawyer and minister together around his bedside. "I always heard you can't take it with you, but I am going to prove you can," he said. "I have $90,000 in cash under my mattress. It's in three envelopes of $30,000 each. I want each of you to take one envelope now and just before they throw the dirt on me you throw the envelopes in."

The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope into the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the minister said, "I don't feel exactly right, I am going to confess, I needed $10,000 badly for a new church we are building, so I took out $10,000 and threw only $20,000 in the grave."

The doctor said, "I, too, must confess. I am building a clinic and took $20,000 and threw in only $10,000."

The lawyer said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could hold out that money. I threw in my personal check for the full amount." ~~~~~~~~~~~

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"~~~~~~~~~~~

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

I have one question for you.

What wuz I gonna say?

Yep, that's it!

Don't need no lawyer for that.

I also don't need one to wish you all a happy day.

joe

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"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Good Morning Joe, Darlene, Ana, SpaceQ and Haroula. Joe hope your work day flies by. Darlene nice you are volunteering. Ana hope you get your glasses fixed. SpaceQ and Haroula may you have a peaceful Sunday. Coffee is ready. A Happy Day wished for everyone!

Good morning. I have to get going this morning. My alarm clock didn't go off. It was set for 5:35 PM. I only lost about ten minutes. I woke up at 5:45.It's been awhile since I got up so fast. Anyway have a great Sunday all. See you after my work shift.

Good morning everyone. Ana, congrats on breaking your time. I hope you can get a new pair of glasses today. Breakfast out and a Sam's trip this morning. The Craft Fair was good, but it was very hot walking around. We also spent more than we intended, and could of spent a lot more. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Omelets, Sausage, Bacon, Hash Browns, Pumpkin Pancakes, and Toast in the NC.

Aw Ana hope you are able to find a place to fix your glasses today! I would be up the creek without a paddle but, oh wait, I do have a spare pair somewhere Have a lovely day and may the project move right along as it has been!

Darlene have fun volunteering and have a lovely day!

Space lovely smells. Have a lovely day!

Oh Midge what a way to wake up. Think I been there and done that a few times in life.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a great day!

Oh Connie does sound like you had a good time. What fun things did you get?? Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy church this morning and have a lovely relaxing afternoon!!

niteowl did I miss something??? Why the hospital? or you rather not tell? Sending prayers!!! HUGS!

Got up a bit ago, but just made it down the stairs. Hubby stayed in bed with me this morning so son and the boys had the house to themselves.

My medications are compiled and refills called in for the month, dogs are fed, and I'm on my way to finishing off my coffee allotment. It think we are all going to see Thor today. Not high on my list, but the boys will like it.

Next on the list is to find out why the sound on my computer is no longer working......

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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras

So since my friend/tenant's parents arrived yesterday, I haven't seen or heard from him. They all went out to dinner, then off to breakfast again this morning. Must have been painful for him because they left at 8:45am and he doesn't get out of bed until 10 am every day! and only because I force him to walk with me. Ha. This is fun.

In other news, I'm on the car parking wars out front. Waited for the sedan to leave (the SUV hasn't moved since last weekend) and then moved my car from my back parking area right where the sedan had been parking for 4 days.

I left my car there and monitored it on my security cameras and about 11pm the sedan came back and parked directly, across from HIS apartment/rooming house building, 2 houses down. Ha. Loving it.

He's not around this morning after 8, maybe went to church? Not sure but I'm leaving my car out front until he gets the message he can't have MY front parking as his permanent spot. Not to mention the sun hit his window just perfectly to glare into my front door so I had to close it all day. Not good.

So Monday, if the SUV is still there and hasn't moved an inch, I am going to put a nice note on it and ask the owner to come see me. I want to see who it is and educate him about the 72 hour parking limit on our street. I'll bey nobody even knows about that. I refuse to let someone just dump a car in front of my house and leave it for a week or more. If I don't hear from him, I'll just call the police vehicle abatement and turn it in as 'abandoned'. They will tag it and 3 days later tow it away. I'm going to give him a chance first. Heck, the car might be stolen for all I know and just got dumped there. It's happened before.

oh ,nan ,you didn't miss it 'cos i never stated on the forum that i'm going to have a cancerous mass/tumor removed on thursday. i'm sorry , i forget who i've talked to ,or not talked to sometimes ! anyhoo ,it's a 3 hour surgery at best ,with 1-2 weeks in hospital if all goes well. so i've been trying to get things set up for afterwards. makes me even more tired than i am ,lol.

Hey L4L, our cmptrs are soul sisters because the same thing happened here. Go to control panal and find sound monitor or something like that and the mute might be clicked on and just unclike it. I hope that works and I hope my muddeled instructions .......you know. It's my AAADD = age activated attention dev dis.

Oh, this AM Commander Buttons came home and limping on his front right leg and he had a grumpy long face and most persnicketty about his food. But he's OK now .. Whew!!!

Let me tell you about playstations. Waiting for PS4. So the PS3 was supposed to last until 4's arrival. But it didn't. Can I wait till 4 or buy another 3. Well you know what I did and OK fine. And one night 2 weeks later Cmndr Buttons jumped from the bed to the chest where the PS3 was on and PS tipped over and fell to the floor. A pergo floor no carpet and now the new PS makes funny sounds but works. In between all this I told my g'son he could have my old PS3 and I couldn't give him a faulty PS so last Friday I ordered from Amazon a new PS3 and he gets a GTA game with it too. And everybodys happy. Amazon makes life easy don't they.

I hope Karen is OK and she tells us what happened. I went to Sullivan's grave -in my front yard- and just looked. In my back pasture there's a pony and 2 horses and many cats and dogs and some in my backyard too. It takes awhile to get over these things but we never forget our animal friends.

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I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

Ana, I'm so sad about MoJo, but at least he wasn't suffering for a long time. How awful that he fell. Karen is in my thoughts and prayers. Something good needs to come her way, bless her. If there's anything we can do, please let us know. Thanks.Andrea

Good Sunday Boomers.... It is kind of hard to think happy thoughts right now when all I can think of is Karen when I come here. My heart is so sad for her pain. Yankee, I visited my horses graves too. Maybe in honor of Mojo or something like that. You really never get over them, do you? It's a pretty nice day here and in the low sixties. Hubby weed eating and mowing and raking. Taking care of cleaning and laundry in both houses today. Getting ready to play a new game. Hope everyone is having a great day. Happy Gaming!!

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LotusLife is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

Oh the joy of outsmarting people! Still leaving my car parked out front. Sedan from the past few days that 'took' that spot was parked across and closer to HIS place. So I was out dumping garbage and caught a glint of silver car pulling in BEHIND my car (obviously he's wanting 'his' spot back). It hesitated for a few and then pulled out, made a U-turn and went back to where he spent the night and early morning across the street from his place.

Hope he gets comfy there. I'm going to make it very uncomfy for anyone to park out front for long periods or use it as their new private parking spot forever. Street parking in our area isn't designed for long term parking, hence the 72 hour rule.

Hope this all gets sorted soon. Want my car safely returned to the off-street spots in back of my house. I wish the city would force the apartment/rooming house guy to provide parking for his tenants (as required in the building code) but then Hey, does he ever get building permits for ALL the subdividing he does? Of course not, so the city has no idea what he's up to.

I'm happy as long as cars park out front for limited times, visiting, or at parties, etc. Then gone gone gone. Working on it.

Just read all the posts from today. Lots happening. I feel Karen's pain and heartache after losing Mojo. Joe enjoy some football. My Pats had a bye today so I have to wait til next Sunday. I'm already feeling football withdrawal. (heh, heh) L4L enjoy the movie. Lotus what's the new game you're about to play? I haven't played a game in way to long.

Time to call it a night. Sleep well all. See you in the AM. I have the morning off.