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Mark Zuckerberg And Priscilla Chan Strike A Blow Against The Wedding Industrial Complex

By now you probably know the story. This past Saturday, a little less than 100 invited guests turned up at Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan’s Palo Alto home, thinking they were attending a graduation party for Chan, who had graduated from medical school earlier in the week. Instead, they found themselves guests at what is now the most famous wedding since Kim Kardashian married Kris Humphries. But instead of a star-studded celebrity fest estimated to cost several hundred thousand dollars, the attendees found themselves at — if you ignore the music of Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong — a resolutely low key affair.

The ceremony and reception were held in the Zuckerberg and Chan’s backyard at a venue rental charge of zero, unless you count the mortgage. Food was from two decidedly budget friendly local restaurants Fuki Sushi and Palo Alto Sol. (Go check the menus online if you like. I did. I can definitely afford a meal at these places, and so probably can you.) Dessert? Burdick chocolate mice, which the couple had nibbled on their first date. These cost, if you are wondering, $3.25 a piece, less if you order them in catering-sized packages. As for the dress, it was a creation of little-known designer Claire Pettibone with a price tag of $4,700. Not chump change for sure, but way, way less than what one would expect the bride of a billionaire to to spend.

To say this celebration bucked a trend is to indulge in extreme understatement. Wedding costs are an ever-skyrocketing affair, with the average nuptials taking place in the United States exceeding $27,000 in 2011, with costs running significantly higher in wealthier regions of the country. A happy couple seeking to tie the knot in Northern California, like Zuckerberg and Chan, can expect to spend a not insignificant $32,261, which sounds like an out-and-out bargain compared to New York City, where brides and grooms (or their parents) will likely blow $66,000 on what, in the end, is simply a more meaningful-than-average party.

Fueling this marital day arms race has been a relentless promoting of wedding as fantasy, with everything from services offering to make the bride buff for the big day, to the relentless pushing for destination weddings, which involves asking guests to shell out thousands of dollars to jet off to and pay for a vacation in to some exotic locale so they can attend the ceremony. Prominent examples of over-the top marital celebrations have continued straight through the economic hard times of the past several years, with such unforgettable spectacles as former first daughter Chelsea Clinton’s 2010 wedding to hedge funder Marc Mezvinsky, an event widely rumored to have set the happy bride’s parents — that is, Bill and Hillary Clinton — back by several million dollars, including $250,000 in jewelry for the bride to wear.

These sorts of conspicuous celebrations of consumption often seem less like life-altering rites, and more like the ultimate consumer experience. And while it can be, on one level, hard to fault someone who does have the money from spending it on a party if they so choose, these high profile events have an impact on all of us. As economics professor Robert Frank has amply documented, normalizing grandiose spending on anything sets off what he calls a “expenditure cascade,” causing almost everyone to open their wallet a little bit more to maintain the perceived quality of their event.

Personal finance junkies like, uh, me have spent the better part of the past decade begging and pleading with would-be newlyweds to consider more low-key events, with little to show in the way of results, possibly because no one wants to be seen as a cheapskate on their big day. Here’s hoping that with their backyard celebration, Zuckerberg and Chan set off a new style of wedding to emulate: the in-home wedding.

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I think of the hilarious movie, “Father of The Bride,” starring Steve Martin and Diane Keaton. In the movie, Martin imagines a low-key wedding in which he barbeques a “Brideburger” and a “Groomburger.” But that’s not what his wife and daughter have in mind.

It can be done! Both of my grown daughters got married in public places, at little to no cost! One was at a neighborhood park at which I provided all of the food; the other at a national park (in the clubhouse since the weather was not cooperating!). Because I and serveal other guests keep kosher, I made a good deal of food for both of these events, with my daughters kicking in some as well. They made alterations to my wedding dress, and my mother in law made their cakes! And they were very nice events, thank you very much!

As an established caterer, I bowed out of the “wedding market” seven years ago when it all got so crazy. I just could not morally participate in the manufactured drama and the obscene money machine that has become the Wedding Business. Weddings need to be more about the core relationship and the celebration of friends and family and less about the “show”.

The final blow for me occurred when a bride’s dad took out a second mortgage on his house to pay for the hoopla they couldn’t afford – and got laid off from his job two weeks after the wedding.

Now, the only weddings I cater have to pass my “keeping it real” credo.

Mark and Priscilla kept it “real” – focusing on core values, close friends and personal tastes.

Agreed but with one HUGE caveat…Zuckerberg isn’t striking a blow for financial responsibility or prudence OR against the wedding industrial complex (indeed his company data mines for said complex, along with many others, as you know) This was stone-cold calculated. He is fully aware of PR and how “aw shucks, I’m just a guy like you” this looks.