I was born a semi-diva. I married a redneck. Through the magic of osmosis or just because of a serious lack of sophistication over the years I have found a balance of the two that make me who I am today. And then I write about it all, much to the chagrin of my mother.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Blown Away

Oops, I did it again.

And once again I am honored, humbled and utterly shocked.

Honored that ya'll think I'm funny.

Humbled that y'all think I'm funny.

Shocked because I figured that if there was a category for Whiniest Blog in Oklahoma, I'd have won it by a landslide. Or maybe Blog That Bitches the Most About Algebra. Blog With the Most of The Diarrhea, sure. But Best Humor Blog? Well, yeah, I'm shocked.

Shannon, I agree with Melessa - if you post about needing to lose weight ever again, I will kick your skinny butt.

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I have so many things I want to write about tonight, but it's after midnight and I still have a Lit assignment to turn in.

But if I had time, I'd write about these things......

Like my sister drawing my children in close for a heart-to-heart talk about choosing a career that doesn't involve wearing a hair net and glaring at people in the hospital corridor. Because, lemme tell ya, that was just about the funniest thing I've heard in a long time.

(By the way, if your job involves you wearing a hair net to work, let me just say [before the hatemail flies], I applaud you for working and having a job. Secondly, the hair net does not make the man. Or woman. It's the glaring at people in the corridor that makes you a nasty person. If the hair net makes you so angry you have to glare at people, find a hair net-less job. It's also my sister who makes situations so dang hilarious.)

I'd also like to write about the $1600 JACKPOT I WON LAST NIGHT! It was awesome. It was also a very good thing I am well over The Diarrhea because as it was, I nearly shat myself.

If I had time, I'd tell you that my husband is a saint among men. Not only has the guy been sorely deprived of sex (because his wife is so overwhelmed that sex? What's this sex you speak of? Have I ever done this "sex" thing and if I did, did I like it?) and deserves a medal just for that, but he also sent me shopping today. ON MY OWN. As in, BY MYSELF. I went to the mall alone with a purse full of money, explicit instructions from the man I married to buy new shoes that don't hurt my feet, new fall clothes and "some of them Croc shoes you like so much." And I also got a caramel Frappuccino and it was yummier than usual, I think because I didn't have to share it with my coffee-addicted 5 year old.

And did you know that Toys R Us is WAY more enjoyable without children?

Yep, if I had time I'd write about all of that.

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Lastly, before I delve into the exciting world of Thomas Paine and his religious beliefs, I'd like to ask a favor.

My cousin and his wife had their first baby on Friday. Ottawa County's newest Democrat is currently in the NICU. She was a few days overdue and had a little "accident,"as we call them in our house (maybe she caught The Diarrhea from her cousin?) and well, the little darling has The Pneumonia now. Today they took her breathing tube out and while her momma and daddy haven't gotten to hold her yet, they did get to kind of prop her up for a proper showing-off through the window to family out in the hall.

She's doing good, getting better and stronger every day, but if you're a pray-er, please pray she continues to do so. Also pray that her momma and daddy get some rest and comfort and strength.

Keith, it won't be long until she's turning 11 and you get a blister on your finger from spray-painting her new bed purple. And you get absolutely mushy when she tells you you're her hero. And Alyssa, it will be like, day after tomorrow when you want to wring her neck when she tells you that you're dorky and can you please not wear that shirt when you come down to the school next time? And soon, when she falls asleep in your arms, you'll not be able to express how that feels in adequate enough words, but it will honestly be one of the best things you'll ever feel in your life.

But in the meantime, rest. Know we're thinking of you and praying for you.

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By the way, Abby turns 11 tomorrow. Her daddy has a blister on his very purple index finger from using 6 cans of Krylon to spray paint her new bed. The gigantic bed that is gigantically gigantic. And yeah, she told me I was dorky just today. But when I tucked her in awhile ago and she hugged me so tight and told me I was "secretly cool"......well, it's honestly one of the best things I've ever felt in my life.

Congrats on everything (award, money, lack-of-green-apple-splatters). Also, Thomas Paine kicks ass. I did a lot of research on religion this past year and totally settled on Deism. Makes much more sense than the Southern Hypocritism I was raised with.

Strangely enough, it's all true.

I was born a semi-diva. I married a redneck. Through the magic of osmosis or just because of a serious lack of sophistication over the years I have found a balance of the two that make me what I am today. And then I write about it all, much to the chagrin of my mother.