For nearly two decades, Sports Illustrated has stirred the tea leaves to discern a weekly Sign of the Apocalypse. Deadspin salutes the magazine's ongoing effort to cover the end of times but declines to cede the scoop on the biggest event in world history.

Rachel Bird of Kingsley, Iowa, didn't have a date for her prom on Saturday. She really wanted to go with Tim Tebow. She tried asking him to go via Twitter. She tried contacting his agent. She also tried the Jets. Nothing.

Hey, anyone want to fire up the ol' Tim Tebow culture war again? It's been, what, three days? Well, here's a "meet the new guy" story in today's New York Times called "Tebow, a Careful Evangelical." It is a generally inoffensive look at the quarterback so beloved by people who collect Hummel figurines. Until we get to…

Peyton Manning is a Bronco now, meaning Tim Tebow is trade bait. Which NFL team should part with their 30 pieces of silver (and maybe a fifth-round draft pick) to bring Tebowmania to town? The Internet has given this question careful consideration and furnished us with an answer: every team.

Whether or not you agree with an NFL team handing a potential $60 million in guarantees to a guy who has neck leprosy, I think that we can come to a consensus on one thing: John Elway has really big balls. HUGE balls. Balls the size of light bulbs. His balls are so big, you could harvest stem cells from them and plant…

Adam Schefter and Chris Mortensen were first with the news. OMG LET'S BRACE OURSELVES FOR TIM TEBOW TRADE RUMORS. At a time like this, it's important to remember the words of Matthew 26:34: "'I tell you the truth,' Jesus answered, 'this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.'" [ESPN]

One won the Iowa straw poll five months ago and is now trending in single digits on the day of that state's caucus vote. The other made the playoffs despite a three-game losing streak to end the regular season with a .500 record. See? They're exactly the same! [The Hill]

And the dude who did came into a tattoo parlor with that rendering and actually asked to have it done. Afterward, even the artist who put it there felt compelled to ask the man if he had lost a bet. He hadn't. [Larry Brown Sports]

At some point this evening, the ESPN comment moderators lost their minds and decided to attempt to deal with the Greater Than Tebow meme that's been raging on a Bill Williamson post for the past three days. But instead of simply disabling comments, the site has burdened some poor intern with the task of deleting…

The #occupytebow comment feed over on ESPN's now-regrettable post, "Time for Elway to think post-Tebow," is still going after three days. If anything, it's only gotten more spirited. You can watch in real time on the post, but we also went ahead and captured a bit of the glory for those of you who can't blow off the…

Go to the Tebow column's comments, and make sure you've got it set to "live." You can see the poor mods deleting every single "X > Tebow" comment in real time. They've worked their way back to yesterday, but still have a day and a half more to go.