Life is like a 5th grade slumber party: a mix of love, friendship, gossip, food, laughs, heartache, and cute pajamas.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

The Curse of the Suddenly-Stopplies

They crowd our city's sidewalks. They over-populate staircases, hallways, and the ends of escalators. They look just like you. They look just like me. (Yes, frightening!) You can't spot them until it's too late. They are . . .

The Suddenly-Stopplies!

Smoothly flowing pedestrian traffic comes to an abrupt halt when the Suddenly-Stopplies mindlessly and without regard for public safety - BAM! - stop in their tracks.

Oh! The humanity!

The scene is straight out of a Wes Craven slasher flick: people crashing into each other, piling up all over the place, trains of thought carelessly interrupted. Blood. Guts. Everywhere.

What causes this zombie-like disregard for the forwardly-moving living? Studies show that about 99% of the time, normal mobile-progressive people are stopped dead in their tracks for one of two reasons: 1) cellphone manipulation, or 2) iPod knob-fiddling.

Yes, folks, there are people walking amongst us who are physically and/or mentally unable to answer/dial a cellphone or play around with their iPod thingy without coming to a full stop, completely clueless as to the maimage and mayhem they leave in their wake. (But thank God, they caught that phone call or switched around their music choices! Whew!) The rest of us will just have to pick ourselves up, bandage our skinned knees, and ice down our black eyes. All thanks to . . .