November 28, 2017

I miss my sweet baby doll. My little Ginger Monkey is missed so much everyday but more so during the holidays. I am especially stressed this season and I miss her calming cuddles and pets and aura.

So far this holiday season, a lot has happened:

I moved on 10/31

My ex-landlord is charging me ridiculous fees

I may have to take my ex-landlord to small claims court

Medical problems have increased for me

Medical problems for mom have increased

Furnace went out at the house

I am missing my Ginger so much. Had I know last Christmas that she was in so much pain, I would have let her go sooner (I say that but letting you go away was the hardest thing I have done in my life).

You were my soulmate; my true love. You did everything for me. You had the greatest joy when you were with me and I had the greatest joy when I was with you.

My favorite thing was Ginger cuddles. Looking into those loving eyes while we cuddled and snuggled. Ginger hugs, Ginger smiles, Ginger pets for more attention, and of course Ginger smells.

Everything reminds me of Ginger. Daisy misses her big sister so much too.

Ginger you are missed so much. You were/are a bright spot in this world.

May 30, 2017

One question you should never ask yourself after 6 months to a year of dating is “If they were to ask me to marry them what would I say?” After say 6 months to a year you should know if you want to spend the rest of your live with that person or not. From my experience; if you aren’t sure the answer is “NO”.

It is difficult when you love someone but you know you do not want to marry them. I have and do struggle with this a lot. I am getting to the point to finally just walk away.

I hope to keep them as my friend but you never know how they will react to your insight that you are no longer in love with them or that you don’t see yourself marrying them. I can’t imagine it going over well, but I have been able to stay friends with those that I have dated in the past so who knows.

I am not a horrible person because I don’t want to marry you. I am not a horrible person because I want to find that one person I am meant to be with and marry them. I thought that was you, but I know now that is not you.

I am not a horrible person… Being true to myself is not being mean or horrible.

June 10, 2015

I wait for you and you are always too busy. I sit around and just wait and wait and wait for you and yet you never come to see me.

I get tired of waiting and I start doing and then you get upset with me for not waiting for you and always being busy.

You can’t have it both ways. Either you get to see me or you don’t; but I refuse to wait around for you. I have a life and I will live it alone with you if that is your choice. All signs point to me living life alone without you in it. I am sad, crushed and heartbroken, but I am strong and know that it won’t last long and soon I will be back where I was before I met you but with a small portion of my heart and soul missing that you will always have.

September 9, 2014

I want to be in a good strong equal relationship with someone who loves me, wants to be with me, wants to be here for me and who will help take care of me. I will of course do the exact same thing for them. I want them to be in the relationship with me and not constantly pulling away and hiding from me. I want to see them more than 3-4 days a month. I want them to communicate with me about everything. I want them to trust me. I want them to love me and be in love with me. I want passion. I want emotion. I want intimacy. I want cuddles and kisses regularly.

I want to have a house or be close to buying one. With my own fenced in yard for the girls to play in.

I want to have a good paying job so that I can work towards paying off my student loans quicker.

I want to have more tattoo work and more dental work done.

I want to be able to be myself and not get SHIT for it.

I want to be having lots and lots of sex… well okay an average amount of sex 3-4 times a week would be perfect.

I want to have my self-confidence levels increased.

I want to have my body more toned and my weight above 100 lbs and hopefully to stay there.

I want to have more happy days than sad days.

I want to get back to taking a vacation every year for at least a week.

August 19, 2014

I can’t do anything else. I asked to see you with all of your new found free time and you brush me off with a one word response of “busy”. If you are too busy to spend time with me, then I am walking away.

I will gather my stuff and move on. Bye Bye Jax.. I loved you with everything in my heart and soul and you couldn’t return it no did you really want to try.

August 10, 2014

I may not deserve FOREVER;
I may not deserve ROMANCE;
I may not deserve TULIPS, CANDLES or DINNER;
I may not deserve THE WORLD;
I may not deserve the SUN, the MOON or the STARS;
I may not deserve KISSES, SOFT CARESSES, or TENDERNESS;
I may not deserve the LOVE and LIFE that I dream about..

I gave you all of me,
Without asking a lot in return.
That was my problem I did not ask for more.
I allowed you to give me nothing,
When I gave you everything.

I have fought for me,
I have fought for you,
I have fought for us….
And yet I still lost and came away with less than I started with.

I feel that I do deserve intimacy;
I deserve physical affection and attention;
I deserve conversation;
I deserve compromise;
I deserve equality;
And I deserve LOVE.