Archive for May 2011

I'm 22 years old who's currently not studying, jobless, have no means of income, still living with his parents. have no good friends, have no money, no girlfriend, fat, ugly and many more.

I can't get a job because I think I'm not good enough for a job even for a part timer. I usually can't finish what I started. I'm weak, useless, pathetic, always being the last choice, nobody cares bout me, always been kept in the dark, constantly pissed, constantly ignored, constantly given the angry eyes by certain people, can't do anything properly, can't find things properly, and so many more...

So please tell me, who am I? What am I doing here? Why am I here? What can I do?

Everybody must have a few crushed before they meet their true love right? Well..I haven't meet my true love yet or maybe I did and she slips away...or maybe I will one day...

Well, anyway..this is a story bout my first crush which is in primary school when I was in standard 5 or 6...There are 2 girls that I had a crush with, Miss Sakura and Miss Nicole..greedy rite? How can u tell a heart not to be greedy? U can't, can u?

Anyway, Nicole was one of the smartest and prettiest girl in the school... She's a prefect and the daughter of quite a wealthy family... Sakura is an average girl but she is my type of girl which I only notice much much much later...

Nicole was a smart girl, always competing with me in rankings but I have no grudge against her..its just friendly rivalry... She would always come first and I will always come second or third.....or any other places...we will always talk about subjects together and we sometimes discuss exams answers right after the exams..haha...But when the upsr result was announced, she was devastated because she didn't get straight A's....me?well....let's keep it a secret,shall we? hehe...

After school we went our separate ways... Wonder where she is now...

Well, anyway...Let's talk about Sakura...She's the type of girl that I like...she has almost everything that I dream of for a girl...We are not really that close but we are in the same class... But we talk like usual...Its primary school and I was only like 11 or 12...what do I know bout love at that time or even crushes?

After school, we go our separate ways and until 5 years later that I get to contact her again...Somehow I got her number and we text for a while..Then when i got into university, we lost contact again but i found her Myspace... We contact again and now....I dunno...She already has a boyfriend, so what can I tell her now right? I saw her again yesterday, well, actually just a glimpse of her....We live quite near...

Talking about crushes makes me think of the old times when everything is good...

What is Inferiority Complex? Well...u can read it here in my other blog, I'm too lazy to repost --> Inferiority Complex

So..what does IC has to do with me? Well. its not really a disease...its more like a feeling or maybe psychological problem..IC is a feeling of inferiority towards other people,always looking at oneself as inferior to others...that's what IC is..

So yes..I often compare myself to others and find myself not as good looking as they are, not as well build like they are, not as smart as they are, not as a leader as they are, not as cool as they are and other things..There are 2 effects of having IC, one is good and one is bad..

First, u will try harder to overcome that feeling by improving yourself and trying the best you can do.. For example, if I feel like I'm not good enough in basketball, I'll train harder than anyone else, coming to practice earlier than anyone else, taking extra time to practice and doing some other stuff that will improve my play..

The other effect of IC is depression.. Some people feel depress when they feel inferior to other people... And we all know that depression can be...well...depressing.. And depression can lead to other bad things like doing something stupid or careless or reckless and ultimately maybe suicide...

So how does IC affected me? I'd say in both ways... I do feel wanting to improve myself and I do feel depress... U know like how in Facebook that people will always update their status bout what's going on in their life? Well, I do read their status' sometimes and I feel like they are having a getter life than me.. Most of them are my friends of course...Some of them have married, some are getting married, some have had an engagement, some have a job and a pay, some are doing something nice for themselves, some are going to places that I can only dare to dream, some have just bought new things, some receive a surprise presents, some are having a fun time with their love one and other things... It makes me things what am I here for? Just sitting around all day doing nothing waiting for something that might come or might not come? That's pretty lame and pathetic for a 22 year old guy with good health and complete body parts and a well mind... I can't even have a temporary job during the holiday..That sucks...like really sucks...

So u see, r maybe u can't see...but whatever.. I don't expect anybody to understand me... Coz I'm just useless sorry excuse for a human being who has nothing to do except eat, sleep and poop..Better be a cat..at least if I'm a cat I can be cute and adorable even though I just eat and poop and play and sleep all day...*sigh*

This is my new personal blog. I have another blog but its for information and tutorial and stuffs. So gotta separate personal blog and work blog..kinda...

So..what are my hopes for this new blog? Nothing much actually, just wanna write bout personal stuffs, my thoughts, my life and anything that I want to share with my readers, if there is any...

Will this blog be in English or Malay? I haven't decided yet but most probably it will be both and maybe some other language as well, who knows right?

So..wanna look forward to what I wanna write in this blog? If u wanna, that's fine by me... I'm just gonna write bout personal stuffs anyway.. If you guys are interested, please follow... If not than its okay, I don't mind at all...