Sunday, February 1, 2015

You can't trust a Cone Man. When last we followed his adventures, he was sending local animals through a dimensional portal to his "dark lords"--creatures Holden proved to be thirteen-year-old boys in another dimension. We had thought we were finally safe from the Cone Man, and that he had abandoned his hopes of becoming King Cone...but we were wrong.

One night, the darkness beside his right arm hole sizzled like grease frying in the air, solidified, and became this.

Click an image to see a larger version.

Unwilling to let them live in the darkness, we exposed the Cone Man's new friend, the evil pelican.

When I say "we," of course, I mean He Who Watches the Cone Man, Holden. Holden's superb senses led him to detect this cosmic disturbance immediately and to alert us to it. We were thus able to capture the end of the conversation between Cone Man and his new concrete friend.

Cone Man: I don't care what you want. If the dark lords won't make me King Cone, I'm not going to help.

Evil Pelican: Fine. Whatever. As long as we restart the flow of tasty animal flesh through the portal, you'll get what you want.

CM: I can do my part, but exactly how are you going to help? In case you haven't noticed, you're concrete.

EP: What is this concrete you speak of? I am having trouble moving, but I assumed it was simply the result of stiffness due to inter-dimensional travel.

CM: No, you idiot. You're made of concrete. You can't move.

EP: So fix it! What else are you good for? Get me out some flesh, and we can restart the feed line.

CM: You sand-for-brains idiot, there's no fixing it! You need to go back and start over.

At this point, Holden had heard enough. He turned on the area lights and tried reason.

Holden: Excuse me, my two yard decorations, but I simply
cannot tolerate any further talk of feed lines, pipelines, or dark
lords. This area is under my protection, and protect it I shall.

CM: Hah! Your days are numbered, short and furry. When pelican here unleashes his powers, you will bow before us.

EP: That's right! Don't push me, or I'll unleash my...you know.

H:
Far be it from me to dash the dreams of any creatures, but as you are
both aware, the pelican is concrete and unable to do anything beyond
standing there and looking rather, well, if I must say, evil. I again
insist that the two of you cease and desist all talk of menace.

CM: And exactly what are you going to do if we don't?

EP: Yeah, dog-breath, what can you do?

H: Though it saddens me to resort to force, I will if I must. Do you really want to face the power of my yellow lasers of doom?