Uncategorized

I’ve been thinking about grief and loss a lot lately. I’ve experienced a personal loss that hit me really hard, is still hitting me. And I’ve been watching the experiences of grief that are happening around Puerto Rico. It’s different to watch how people respond to grief from a distance.

Personally

For the most part, people have been incredibly great to me. The appropriate amount of support, the kindnesses that work in the situation. There are a few who aren’t great and try to do weird things, but that’s kind of to be expected. It’s never perfect. I just hope for those with the most intimacy and power to be kind.

Power:

I want my boss to be understanding when I need time off or if I seem a little out of sorts or not quite up to my normal level. (And they have been absolutely.) I want the people I own things to (like responses, episodes, and the like) to be understanding if I don’t get things to them as quick as I’d like (or they would).

Those are the people in my life with the most power right now.

Intimacy:

This is sort of a two fold thing. The people who are close to me but not close to the person who passed, I fully expect them to be supportive of me. I think that’s a reasonable expectation. They are not experiencing the grief of that loss and they are more likely to have the capacity to be supportive. This for me includes relatives on the other side of the family and close friends.

But this also means that I should be doing what I can to support those who are closer, doing what I can to offer those things up to those who are closer to that circle of grief. And certainly different people handle it differently. But in general I’m going to turn out and away from the people who are most impacted for my own comfort and support and I am going to try to turn in to offer comfort and support. Reach out to the people who need love, comfort, and assistance.

It really helps to have these rules and know (and have thought through them) ahead of time and know who are the people who are usually there for me? Who can I ask for support from? Who will support me? Then on the other side…who will need support? And then there is an element of do I need to provide it to that person if I can’t. (Sometimes I don’t have the capacity to handle that for some people and while I wish they had what they needed, I can’t be the person to do that.) Even beyond that making sure that I am doing the right things so that I am offering the kinds of support others need so when I need it they are willing to be there for me.

Extrapolate

It makes me sad when individuals can’t follow these fairly basic guidelines. And it makes me furious when the person with the most power won’t be as kind as my bosses. They weren’t extraordinary generous. But they were very simply kind. Why can’t the president be simply kind? And why the fuck aren’t we demanding simple human kindness of the goddamn president of the goddamn united fucking states.

Fuck.

So to all of you who have been personally impacted by this incredible hurricane season in Texas and Florida as you clean up and try to get back to your lives, and especially to Puerto Rico still in the middle of trying to get back to existing in a way where basic survival is possible…You have my deepest sympathy. My heart is with you. (My calls to my senators are with you, the money I can is with you.) If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.

To those of you struggling like me through your own personal grief and loss of people you love, jobs you aren’t sure you can replace, homes you can’t, and more…ask for what you need. You can absolutely ask for help from those around you and if they are decent and they have the capacity they will. Never assume someone can’t help unless they tell you that they can’t.

To all the rest. Please, do some work. Offer some support. Money, calls, reminding coworkers that yes Puerto Ricans are American and HELL YES they need help and they need it now and anything, anything less than the most generous, thoughtful, and kind support is not enough.

I’ve got a few exciting things of me being out in the world!
I’ve been featured on a podcast, a blog, I’ll be featured on the Podbean app (you can go and download me there now!!) next week, and in August I’ll be a part of #2podsaday.

Comics

I love SMBC. They are weirdly nerdy in so many wonderful ways. Like this one about pop music. And if you are like ugh pop music, SERIOUSLY GO LOOK! You’ll thank me.

Another wonderful comic site, Indexed. This one is something I need to remember over and over and over. We still try. We need to try. Keep trying.

Vaccines are awesome

Seriously, there is probabally someone reading this that is alive because of them. They save lives. Vaccines save lives. Vaccines keep people from getting sick at all. Vaccines keep people from getting acutely ill. So what does the current asshole with all the power want to do? Kill people. Not sorry. That’s what shit like this will do. People will die. Human beings will die if the complete lies that another asshole who was only trying to make money manage to gain traction.

Technology is awesome

This is what happens when you invest research money into science and a range from basic science research all the way to direct impact and outcomes you can …wear? Do you wear a silicone sleeve around your heart? I think wear.

Republicans at the FCC and Congress say they intend to repeal or replace net neutrality rules. Trump’s transition team is also reportedly pushing a proposal to strip the Federal Communications Commission of its role in overseeing competition and consumer protection and to move those functions to the Federal Trade Commission.

If you care about the internet, go read the whole thing. If you are reading this right now? The internet matters to you. Go read the whole thing. Net neutrality matters to you. Even if you aren’t sure? I’m sure for you. It matters to you if you are reading this.

So this is a post I’ve been thinking about for…months? At least. Strong women. Strong female characters. I’m writing this Sunday after the marches around the world yesterday, which, great, now what? And what does that mean? And whole lot of other stuff. This is going to be a messy post. I’ll come back and edit later, and it will still be messy so be warned. And crabby…I get crabby…

A story about strong women

We Can Do It poster

I’m sitting having dinner with a friend of mine. She would tell you that she is more feminist than I am. (I’m not 100% sure that’s true, but splitting hairs either way.) We are talking about books and I’m trying to get her input. She’s a reader, not a writer. She reads in the genre I write and in others. We are talking about romances. I bring up some questions about books I’ve read and their audiences. Let’s say we are talking about 50 Shades of Grey (we weren’t, but it will work for this) and who the audience is for it and what they like about it.

I was trying to explain the plot and some of the key pieces. She kept trying to simplify it down to just a thing.

Her: Oh it’s about money.

Me: Well not really, or only only, because a big part of it is rejecting the money, she doesn’t want the money, she doesn’t want him for the money, it is important, but not as in he buys her a whole bunch of stuff, that’s not the focus of that.

Her: It’s about sex.

Me: Yes, a little, but not entirely. If it was just sex it would be just sex but in this tome there are only like 3 scenes. And the sex isn’t the story driver, and isn’t the character driver.

Her…: I’m not sure, but I’m sure I wouldn’t like it. I like strong female characters.

Ahhh there’s the rub isn’t it.

But that character, and …quite frankly? Most of the female leads in most of the books I read will tell you they are strong. My friend is not the only one who says she wants strong women.

Everyone has their own idea of what makes a character a strong female lead. The problem seems to be, to me at least, that we start stacking these. You can’t just be one thing. You have to be ALL OF THEM.

Strong Women

Some of the examples from books I was reading at the time that I brought up to her, each one she sort of shrugged and eh but’ed.

Woman who takes care of a child on her own, single mom, handles shit from others who think that’s bad, makes the kid turn out fantastic

Woman who likes sex, knows what she wants, goes after it, isn’t afraid to say yes or no loudly and frequently

Woman who works really hard and has an amazing career and is well respected in her field

Woman who overcomes extreme anxiety to become a singer

I could go on and on and on. So you stack them up and you have a single mom who spends a ton of time with her kid, a ton of time at her career, has a very active and healthy sex life, and is going to be a breakout star.

Fuck you.

No seriously, why does a character have to have all those things? And you know what happens when you stack them up?

Mary Sue. Which are 2 words I could 100% live with never seeing again.

So you can’t be strong because then you are too strong and you can’t be only one thing because then you aren’t strong enough. (And yes, heaven-for-fucking-fend if you have any intersectionality.)

I have seen a few things about complex female characters, which sounds a lot better than “strong” and even might include some intersectionality in there. But I don’t know how to really get across that…I don’t want strong women only. I want a range of women. I want a range of people. I want people who aren’t only one thing and who aren’t all things. And I’m going to keep calling this friend(s…this is actually a compliation of a few people, I love my friends, we are all always learning) out on this shit and seeing if I can keep shifting opinions. One beer or coffee at a time.

And in the mean time I’m going to do my damnest to write them and read them and share them.

Jenna is the protagonist in a trilogy, or I thought it was a trilogy. Or it might still be a trilogy.

Jenna’s Series

It is an urban fantasy with a heavy layer of tech, rather than an eschewing of tech (which is something I want to see more of an if anyone has any great suggestions that are UF that aren’t anti-tech, bring it on!)

Book 1

The first book was written about three years ago now. It has some problems. There are a few substantial issues with it.

The love interest feels a little tacked on and not crucial

Not enough backstory (her backstory is pretty important and I didn’t even bring it up until 3/4 of the way through, beta reader was stunned by it)

The secondary villain wasn’t well developed

The world felt fuzzy (some of this was intentional, but intentional doesn’t mean good)

It’s not really a full book

There are some smaller things that I think I’ve gotten better at writing in the last few years.

Book 2

I wrote book 2 last NaNoWriMo. I wrote it with an understanding of some of these problems and believing that I’d resolve these things.

I made an assumption that these changes have happened in the first book. That love interest was cut, that the backstory was at least sprinkled throughout, that the secondary villain was …shifted, and that there was a little more structure to the world.

Now

I was going to edit it last Camp NaNo. I was going to edit it over NaNoWriMo.

I knew part of the reason I’ve been fighting so hard to do this project is because something isn’t quite right with it.

I finally have had a few conversations about it. I’ve done a lot of thinking. I thought I had a strategy, but even working that through I wasn’t getting anywhere.

Partly I don’t want to just trash it because I really like the second book, I feel pretty good about that one. And it 100% does not work without the first.

Going forward

I think my solution going forward might be to make this into the first act of the second book. The second book picks up right after the end of the first. Tying them together makes a lot of sense, and yeah, the first one isn’t a full book. The second one is fine, but it needs a little more, and putting this at the start as the first act I think would make it a lot stronger.

This is my solution today. We’ll see where the future actually goes, but I think right now at least this is the direction I want to take going forward.

That all said, right now? I’m editing another Smoke Jumper short and so I’m focused on that. It’s a good shift away from beating myself up about Jenna’s books. I’m just hoping this is the right decision this time.

I wrote earlier this week about writing for my niece. The second piece of this is something I’ve been struggling with for a while.

Why me?

I created a podcast. (You might have heard of it, 600 Second Saga.) This makes me a gatekeeper of sorts. Not a super fancy gate wearing gatekeepers (that’s what real gatekeepers do right? wear gates?) but one nonetheless.

I read a lot of other submission guidelines along the way to creating mine. Some of them said something about accepting or soliciting work for underrepresented groups. A few called out specific populations. Some didn’t. I thought, only a monster wouldn’t want that. Only a person who is a garbage person would need to even say that. Of course, I want a range of experiences and stories.

Not a monster

And then Trump got elected. On a wave of people who think that it is more important to have false change and loud shouting than to disavow actual Nazis. So…here we are today. I would like everyone who reads my blog, listens to the podcast, or reads my books to just know, of course, I’m not a monster. Just like the day after the election at work, even though I didn’t talk about it at all before directly, everyone knew how I felt. Because when someone needed to say, hey it’s not cool that we only have white dudes as avatars, that was me. When someone had to say it’s not ok to say that word/thing/etc it was usually me. And eventually, they just stopped saying them (around me at least). Because they just knew that about me.

I wish everyone here knew that I wasn’t a monster. And I wish that everyone felt free to say, hey! Not ok! Every time I said something out of line (if I do, please do, I try hard, but I screw up often).

So here I am. Saying I am not a monster. I do, of course, want work from underrepresented groups. Especially groups that are going to be feeling the pain the worst in the next few years. I want to help lift your voices. I want to do what I can. And that is the absolute bare minimum that any decent person should be doing.

I want work that is about being who you are. I want work that edges on political. (Not that I haven’t already got that, just wait for the inauguration day episode, which was written and recorded before election day.) I want work that doesn’t file off your edges.

I don’t get demographics on authors, but I know for a while I had more authors outside the US (this is the easiest demographic for me to keep track of, though I’m not 100%, but if your email is clearly outside the US I have a hint) than from inside, which is a good component. But I want to keep doing better.

My offer

What I think I can do is make this tiny little offer. If you think your voice isn’t welcomed, isn’t heard, and isn’t represented and you are struggling and aren’t sure if your story is a fit, or is ready, or you want feedback? Let me know. As long as it meets the other guidelines (link at the top but basically, ~1K, no swearing, sff) reference this post in your email, and I’ll do what I can to help, make suggestions, etc.

My niece. She’s not old enough to read my work. (And if my sister reads this, don’t ever let her read a few of them!) She may never actually read my work, and I’m entirely ok with that. But I write for my niece anyway.

I remember reading when I was a wee bite sized person and clearly I could never be any of those book people. I mean obviously. They were mostly men. They were brash and ballsey (again, dudes). They were adventurous. They had all the money. They were always talking to people and conning people (or being charming). I don’t…do those things. I’m not a fancy talker. I’m not good with people. I’m not outgoing. I’m not charging forward into anything. I’ve got brain stuff. I’ve got other stuff… and mostly I’m…not a protagonist.

My niece has a lot of that, and she’s not white. At least some of the book people looked vaguely like me, prettier sure, but still.

I want her to never experience running out of books in the library and still feeling like there is no place for her. I don’t want her to feel like she’s read everything she’d like and no one like her exists in the world. I never want her to think she can’t do cool things because the cool things in books always happen to other people, to the main characters and if she’s really lucky she’d be a side character.

It is deeply selfish. But that’s why I write.

That doesn’t mean all my MCs look like her, but some of them sure do. (I want other people’s nieces to have good experiences too.) They aren’t always the most adventurous person in the book. Sometimes they are deeply concerned about people around them. Sometimes they are a little too self-centered. Sometimes they are quiet. Sometimes they are loud and unheard.

But every single time, they are because I want her to feel like there is a place for her in the world. That the world wants and needs her in it. Each word I put down I want to try to make sure that there is a chair pulled up to the table for her. I never want her to have a Christmas without a present. I never want her to feel like she isn’t deeply loved and wanted in the world.

I hope that helps not just her, but others in the world as well, feel like there is space for them. I want to keep pulling chairs up to the table until everyone has one. The table is more than large enough. There’s always enough food.

So for my wonderful and amazing niece, I will do everything I can to make sure there is always a chair for you.

(Side note? I have a nephew too. He’s going to be just fine I’m pretty sure. He’s all the outgoing and charming and adventurous and brash and every single other thing. I hope that the world is better for him too, I hope he sees himself in many things. But I think he’ll be just fine. )

Writing

I’d prefer to say that I know which novel it will be. I’ve been thinking a lot about Jenna’s novel and what to do with it. I may be posting about that coming up. Still thinking.

More Smoke Jumpers pieces are absolutely in the works. One novella will be coming out this spring. I’m very excited about that. I’m hopeful for more Smoke Jumpers, and maybe something unknown as of yet. Who knows what the year will hold for words.

Podcasting

I’m going to keep at it! I love the podcast. I love the opportunity to share wonderful stories from amazing authors. Fully expect to see 52 episodes of the podcast in 2017. (And I’d love to help you share your story with the world. Looking for submissions!)

I want to keep doing what I can to share the podcast and get the word out. More marketing, more guest spots, more everything!

Narrating

My goal is to do 2 novels in 2017. Not sure if my own (unlikely) or someone else’s. I want to finish the Monsters anthology. (This is several (3-4?) more novelette length pieces I believe.) Maybe do a few more novellas (2-3). And pieces of my own of course.

Other

I’m not sure what else I should be doing. I hope this is enough. Read more. Critique more. (Part of the secret of narrating is that it is incredibly intense time with whatever I’m doing, I learn a lot.)

I want to create a better structure around a few writing things.

I also hope that 2017 brings about some kind of writing related surprise that I don’t have fully formed in my head yet. 2016 brought a few of those. (Podcast and narrating and publishing were all new and ranged on the planned/expected spectrum.) I think that something currently unexpected might happen. I kind of hope so. I hope it’s good.

String-Driven Thing by Vaughan Stanger

Formerly an astronomer and more recently a research project manager in the aerospace and defense industry, Vaughan Stanger now writes SF and fantasy fiction for a living. His stories have appeared in Daily Science Fiction, Abyss & Apex, Postscripts, Nature Futures and Interzone, amongst other noted magazines and anthologies. Like most writers, he’s working on a novel—and has been for many years. He also loves cats, thus further conforming to the cliché. Plus he’s still holding out for that holiday on the Moon he was promised in the dim and distant past. You can follow his writing adventures at http://www.vaughanstanger.com or @VaughanStanger.