a life’s work

not a grand vision, really. being me. i’m a rather creative individual, full of ideas, ambitions, concepts i want to flesh out. i’m not someone who thinks they can cure the world of hunger, disease or violence. but i do think i have something to offer the world. and i frequently feel the need to present something in my life; as though i have to explain to the universe why i have earned my spot on this earth, what i have done to merit my existence.

i don’t have much to show for this. i’m not wealthy. i’m not outrageously beautiful. i’m not successful in the traditional sense of the word. i’m just alive and kicking. and it’s not like i have anyone showing up at my doorstep on the weekends, asking me “hey, we’re with the Life Police. what have you done worth living lately? ‘cause if the answer is ‘nothing’, we’re taking away your membership card and oxygen supply” no. it’s not like anyone is pestering me to come up with the goods. i guess it’s a thought process in my head that tells me i’m somehow lagging behind. that i was supposed to have accomplished something great by now. save a small country from conflict. single handedly solve a missile crises. become a gourmet chef. something awesome and difficult. and here i am just plodding along with the daily stuff. get out of bed. wash face. eat food. write blog. i’m just not that spectacular.

and as much as i’d like to think that something in my life will have an affect or change on someone else’s life – a piece of poetry i write, a book i publish, something of my essence altering someone else’s view point – i don’t know for certain that this will ever happen. if i constantly make my life’s work some THING outside of me that i am striving for, some intangible that i never truly achieve, then i will never accomplish it. it will no longer be a ‘life’s work’. it will become a ‘life attempt at something futile’. so to maintain my sanity, or rather try to win it back from the vortex to which it frequently travels, i must just accept that i am my own life’s work. being me is work enough!