Democracy Win: Volunteers Across The Country Are Oiling Up The Sidewalks To Help Voters Slide Uncontrollably To Their Polling Place

November 8, 2016

Despite the fact that voting is the cornerstone of our democracy, only 60 percent of eligible voters turn out in a presidential election. But this year we may see that number spike, because groups of incredible volunteers are doing everything they can to get out the vote: They’re hitting the road and oiling up the sidewalks to help voters slide uncontrollably to their polling places.

Democracy FTW!

You might not know their names, but these hardworking men and women are out there in the trenches from Maine to California, slathering thick, black oil on the ground so every American can skid down the road, windmilling their arms wildly to try and stay upright, and careen straight through the doors of a voting booth. Republican or Democrat, these patriotic volunteers want every American to have access to a frictionless slick of oil that leads right to a polling place.

Yes! These incredible volunteers are absolutely killing it!

Rather than letting our election be decided by a select few, people from across the nation are volunteering their time to make sidewalks well-lubricated and slippery for as many voters as possible. As of this morning, footpaths have been oiled in all 50 states, giving people who would not otherwise have the time or desire to vote the opportunity to lose their balance and slide forward at alarming speeds with their arms flailing and legs kicking, until they crash face-first into a registered polling location.

We might live in a democracy, but we wouldn’t have a truly representative election without the help of a select few everyday heroes. So when the polling stations close and every last slippery, oil-covered voter has put their ballot in the box and slid back out the door, remember those brave volunteers, because we couldn’t do it without them.