November 8, 2009

I came across this quote in the random quotes that are generated on my blog, and it just struck me as very true.

How can one be successful at something one dislikes or hates? To really succeed at something you must really love it and dedicate time and effort to it.

For the past year I have been working at a job that I feel nothing towards and lately I have been feeling that I have accomplished nothing. I have accomplished things of course and produced results, but I don’t feel successful at all. I feel it is simply a job I’m doing. I try to do it to the best of my ability, but that’s as far as it goes. I get a good salary, hamdul’Illah, but again, that’s my sole goal at the end of the month. Before I used to work heart and soul, no matter what the pay. I used to really care about my job and think about it after working hours. I would think of ways to improve my work and my outputs and even if I get discouraged along the way, I would feel happy and satisfied and accomplished. I had a commitment to the organizations I worked for – and I still do even after I left them. I felt that I was doing something worthwhile and that deep inside me I was growing and learning and I was successful.

Here I don’t. The only thing I feel I am really benefitting from is writing in Arabic; some improved typing skills and better sentence structure, and I’ve learnt to pay more attention to the things I do and write; which is good, but in general I don’t feel successful. For some uncanny reason, lately I often have the same feeling I had when I was briefly married.. a sense of belittlement. Nothing is good enough.

October 28, 2009

I just saw this film at the Spanish Cultural Center (Cervantes). It was showing as part of the “Cine en Construcción” film festival.

I have to say that the film is a beauty and a masterpiece. It is not beautiful in the sense of the hollywood-style breathtaking scenes and intricate dialogue and scenery. Quite the contrary. It is crude and simple with minimal dialogue, yet extremely powerful.

It is shot in black and white and gives a sense of those great old film masterpieces. I shall say no more but direct you to this webpage from the Film Movement site which displays the numerous awards it has received and some reviews from established papers and critics. You can also check the official website of the film.

And I would like to add this quote too which describes exactly how I feel about it:

August 12, 2009

The minute someone mentions A Tale of Two Cities I remember the opening lines of this amazing book:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—

How can one not fall in love with this? How can one not fall in love with Dickens, his style and his colourful complex characters? How can one not fall in love with A Tale of Two Cities and Sydney Carton and Charles Darnay?

Carton’s sacrifice and his sweet heartbreaking words at the end of the story:

“It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.”

These two characters, together with Madame Defarge sitting in that shop knitting the names of those who will be executed, will remain with us forever. The ingenuity of a book such as this is one where the characters are persons.. people you recall from your past.. like ghosts from your childhood.

I think A Tale of Two Cities will be the next book I read. I’m nostalgic. I want to read it again in detail.

I am also in a Les Miserables mood.. On my way to and from the coast last weekend, I felt a deep urge to listen to the songs of the musical, and with it go through the whole story again.. again the sacrifice, persistence and perseverance, faith in fighting for a cause you believe in.. and utter love.. How can one hunt a person down for so long over a loaf of bread that he stole? The sacrifice of the people who made the revolution happen..

Oh my friends, my friends, don’t ask me
What your sacrifice was for
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will sing no more

The musical in my opinion is a masterpiece. If it were still running in London or Broadway, I would still go, even though I’ve watched it twice already. I wasn’t going to put it all up, but this is such a beautiful song; it always, always brings shivers down my spine and throughout my whole body:

There’s a grief that can’t be spoken.
There’s a pain goes on and on.
Empty chairs at empty tables
Now my friends are dead and gone.

Here they talked of revolution.
Here it was they lit the flame.
Here they sang about `tomorrow’
And tomorrow never came.

From the table in the corner
They could see a world reborn
And they rose with voices ringing
I can hear them now!
The very words that they had sung
Became their last communion
On the lonely barricade at dawn.

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me
That I live and you are gone.
There’s a grief that can’t be spoken.
There’s a pain goes on and on.

Phantom faces at the window.
Phantom shadows on the floor.
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will meet no more.