oh walnuts!

John McCain Bombs Grocery Store

HA HA HA, here is WALNUTS! making some probably poor & homeless mother’s annual trip to the grocery store a catastrophic failure. He waddles towards the applesauce and gets her a brand that she doesn’t even want. And then he makes all the applesauce in every grocery store on earth crash onto the floor.

What’s even funnier is the description of this video, a collaborative essay written by 10,000 Daily Kos commenters:

“Vote for McCain & He’ll SHOP FOR YOU!! … Ugh…. Does he actually say ‘what’s the difference here… one’s Dole and one’s …’? How about the ONE she picked can save money on quantity, and the individual ones YOU grabbed are going to cost her family plenty more than she wanted. But she’s polite and pretended to play along with the ‘ol fuddy duddy’.

“Enjoy as the elitist interaction John McCain contasts with this real down-to-earth American. I love it when he stares at the mandarin oranges label and wonders ‘…are these Mandarin Oranges really Mandarin… from China?’

Jim Newell is Wonkette’s beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our “Senior Editor at Large.” He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

“I used my washtub that morning to wash my turkey, which in those days was known as a walking bird. We’d always have walking bird on Thanksgiving with all the trimmings: cranberries, injun eyes, and yams stuffed with gunpowder. Then we’d all watch football, which in those days was called baseball.”

WhatTheHeck

Hopey would prefer to go grocery shopping only as president, not merely as candidate.

Sussemilch

Check out McCain walking… if Bush is Batman, I think we’ve found the Penguin.

WadISay

Special kudos for Best Costume award go to the staffer who told him to make sure and button the middle button of his Hart Schaffner and Marx suit in the grocery store, “just like the common folks do.”

capt. tim

this is NOT GOOD ENOUGH wonkette.

I open this site at least 5 times a day hoping to see something like
“McCain answers all reporters questions with eye rolls, jack off motions”
or
“McCain slaps worlds oldest and sweetest grandmother, calls her fucknuts”

Although if Walnuts really does take himself out of the game, i can only assume it’ll be something way better than I can imagine with my feeble brain.

NoWireHangers

It reminds me of the episode of Absolutely Fabulous when Patsy and Eddie are forced to go to the Supermarket. Chaos ensues.

It’s fucking sad. As WALNUTS! tries to fool people into believing that he can sort of relate to, or even imagine the day-to-day struggles and crap they have to deal with all he does is publicly display how disgustingly out of touch he is. W didn’t even try. Maybe that was better?

Wee Mousie

It was a reality television typo.

The script called for “Applause,” but in error, the applesauce got the clap.

Uncle Al

[re=44696]NoWireHangers[/re]: Yes, loved that episode of Absolutely Fabulous. They cram 17 bags of groceries in a tiny convertible, then park it on the sidewalk and have a few drinks, and end up in Drunk Court complaining to the judge about about taxes. Just like Walnuts and Cindy!

Fear of a Black Reagan

[re=44594]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: No we just witnessed the press’s new “ZOMGZ MCCAIN = SO MUCH MAVERICK HE PWNZ THE SAUCE!” moment.

Agatha

Ugh. Okay that’s just sad. That’s just as sad as Hillary and the coffee machine. Please don’t make me feel sorry for him! Aaaargh…

Lorax

Pretty good reaction time from that jar-grabbin’ staffer. She shot outta the blocks like FloJo.

If you slow down the tape enough, you can read her thought bubble, and it ain’t pretty. Involves a very old man going all Lumberjack Logroll Competition with those cans. Tough to do at any level, but even tougher when your suit button is so tight you’re getting an extra belly button.

AxmxZ

It’s like Dole’s tumble: one small step for man, one giant sucking sound of electoral votes being drained away.

Capt. Willard

“What’s the difference? One’s Dole, and one’s…”

McCain?

jagorev

I hope this is McCain’s windsurfing moment.

sati demise

So is McCain familiar with all grocery store scanning devices?

The Republicans had a bit of trouble when Bush Sr. did his grocery store photo op.
Do they ever learn?

Chumley

He is the very definition of the term old fogey.

When I replay this in my mind he is wearing slippers.

Anonymous Office Zombie

Saw the applesauce explosion last night on The Daily Show. Funniest shit ever.

Christ, and I though Bush was an inept boob. McCain should just just hire some dude with a boom box to follow him around so they can play a failure sound effect any time he ever tries to do anything.

forgracie

Give the old man a break, Cindy does all their grocery shopping….

LucyHoneychrrch

They should really not let anyone film him walking around. Watching him be ambulatory really kind of knocks home the notion that he was around before the continents were created.

DangerousLiberal

[re=44594]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Exactly my thought! Goddammit, y’all are too quick for this slowwitted (now) southerner. Big ups to A.O. Zombie and all who spied this stuff on the Daily Show last night–the wife and I had to rewind and watch again just for the comedy value.

“Roll over, Liberty. Sit. Good dog.”

dannebrog

where the hell is the secret service? why didn’t they immediately jump in to subdue the attacking applesauce?

FunkyPalmettoBug

[re=44852]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: I was thinking something more along the lines of Stewie with a tuba.

Jerri

“I’m shopping” /Monty Burns

masterdebater

Shopper: What happened?
McCain: You knocked the pickles over and you’re making me look stupid…cunt!

Johnny Zhivago

It could have been worse… He could have been touring a bomb factory…

RobertP

Notice that the URL for this important video contains the letters “GayO4pc8S_A” which is surely code for WALNUTS!’ secret gay friends. I wonder what the secret message is…

RubberSoul

It’s times like this that the McCain campaign should be thanking whatever gods may be that the media pays absolutely no attention to him. I think keeping McCain’s snoozer of a campaign as hidden from the American public as possible is his only chance at keeping this close.

worstprezever

Is it my computer or is he really stiff, like a wide, stout C-3PO ?

S. Cullen Bonz

McCain had an “accident” in the frozen foods section: “Cleanup in aisle 5”.

He’s just not ready for this youtube age. Franklin Delano Roosevelt was filmed only from the chest up. America didn’t even know that he was confined to a wheelchair. And FDR sure as hell never had to pretend to do his own shopping.

nbawriter

[re=45008]sezme[/re]: He doesn’t have to pretend to do his own shopping, either. He could just be himself … which, sadly, involves incoherent rants and messing in his Depends. But he does have the option of doing that.

trai_dep

I have an uncle who’s really old and he passes wind like a Great Dane that’s been fed a pound of X-Lax. And McCain’s really old.
Has anyone reviewed the tapes? Because I suspect the applesauce didn’t tumble – it was blasted.

LeslieBee

Leave the old man alone! Carville was in the next aisle, giving the sauce a cajun-style shove.

Neilist

A SUPERMARKET IN LIMBO
[With Apologies to Allen Ginsberg]

What thoughts we have of you tonight, Oh WALNUTS!, as
you walk down Aisle 6, under the canned goods, with a headache
self-consciously looking at Barack’s news coverage.

In your hurt and spleen, shopping for ANY image, you went
into this neon fruit supermarket, dreaming of your enumerations!

What speeches and ellucidations! Whole families
running in fright! Aisles full of apple sauces! Wives who are soccer moms;
your black babies in their arms! — and you, Barry Goldwater, what
were you doing down by the watermelons?

We saw you, WALNUTS!, voteless, lonely old grubber,
poking among the meats in the refrigerator, looking for your favorite mastodon cutlets,
and eyeing the Electorials.

We heard you asking questions of each: Who killed McCain-Feingold?
What price compromise? Are you my next ex-wife?

We wandered in and out of the brilliant stacks of cans
following you, and followed in our imagination by Federal Election Commission detectives.

We strode down the open corridors with you in your solitary fancy,
stroking lobbyists, evangelicals, possessing every K Street dollar, and still your budget was in arrears.

Where are we going, O WALNUTS? The doors close in
November. Which way does Joe Liebermann point you tonight?

(We touch your campaign biography and feel absurd. Did you really
shoot down five of your own planes?)

Will you walk all night through solitary streets? The
voters are gone, John; lights out in the houses: you’ll be
lonely.

Will you stroll dreaming of the lost America of love
past blue automobiles in driveways, home to our silent cottage?

Ah, “Flags Of Our Fathers,” graybeard, lonely old Tokyo Rose-broadcaster,
what America did you have when your Admiral daddy and granddaddy quit poling your ferry,
and you got out on a smoking bank of your first marriage and
stood watching the boat disappear on the black waters of your reputation?

Los Angeles, 2008

[That started out funny, but it took kind of a nasty twist there at the end.]

wander_lust

hahaha! i know where this supermarket is! it’s near my parents’ house, in PA! Where they all cling to gunz & religienz. and will be voting for Obama! And hate elitist applesauce!

villageatrois

[re=45067]Neilist[/re]: “America, I’ve given you all and now I’m nothing.
America two dollars and twentyseven cents January 17, 1956.”

Allen had NO idea what inflation would be!

He said:

I’m with you in Rockland!
where your condition has become serious and is reported on the radio.

I’m with you in Rockland!
where we hug and kiss the United States under our bedsheets the United States that coughs all night and won’t let us sleep

With the absolute heart of the poem of life butchered out of their own bodies good to eat a thousand years.

….
If you ask, the answer is gonna be about Moloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unobtainable dollars!

So, like, don’t ask.

eyesfriedopen

[re=44875]dannebrog[/re]: That was his secret service detail that attacked the applesauce. She was trying to blend in with the bitters by wearing khaki stretch pants with heels. The lack of an exposed thong and tramp stamp/ass antlers is a dead giveaway.