Why can't you dim-witted Mets fans just behave yourselves when you come to Philadelphia? We get it. You like to be loud and obnoxious, and you won't back away from a fight. That would be an insult to your Cro-Magnon Guido charm if you walk away from a playful taunt with a smile or just show some respect for your surroundings. But, I understand. It's hard not to be a boorish cocksucker. You're born that way. It would just be nice if you surprised us one time. But you won't.

Nah, you'll come out to CBP all jorted-up, with your fake diamond studs and shiny sneakers and David Wright jerseys. Go ahead. Enjoy yourselves. Talk about World Series titles and the Giants Super Bowl and how "we suck" and how our "girls smell like Mexican piss" and "Ben Franklin is a faggot" or the other creative insults you spend all that time working on while driving in the IROC on the Jersey Turnpike. Yeah, what's your buddy's name? "Steez?" That's catchy. Hey, Steez! How do those cuffs feel? Hope you can afford bail, you red-headed sack of fuck.