Wednesday, November 29

Have You Ever...walked the streets of a loveless townfelt the warmth of those invisible tearstouched the hands of someone dyingthought what this world would be like without you in itfelt the need to run away and hide from all this fakeclosed your eyes and felt peace in the darkfelt so lonely that you made friends with a bird

realised you're not needed all that muchwanted to end it all so you can just stop trudging along reachedout to someone that your life felt worthwhile wondered what you're really looking forknown what it is to lose your soulfelt that life is just a passing destinationwanted to die before your time?I have.

Well, I have too.It's not that I've had any bad experience or anything. It's just that sometimes I have too much time, and I space out during my spare time. So i think about all these. It sure can be very saddening.But I assure you, that however bad things are, they'll definitely get better. Each day is a suprise, even to tohse who can predict the future. So don't be saddened. Instead, live your life happily.It doesn't really pay to think about such things, because it totally brings about a depressing mood to your day.

Oh, by the way, I'm just blog hopping, and I landed on your site, so pardon me if I seem to nosey.*laughs*

Dearest KeshiThat was very sad...but, I'm not going to say...just cheer up, and put a smile on your face!When one is feeling sad and dowm..one just has to go through it!Feel the pain and sadness...but, I promise you..it will get better....you have lots of courage, grace and goodness inside of you!And...you will prevail!

Just know I am here for you...I am your friend...through thick and thin!I wish I could be right there to give you a real hug...but I'm not, so this one will have to do.

I did just recently when things weren't going rite in my relationship... Kept wondering wat i did wrong & where went wrong...

Even at times when i am feeling really very down, sometimes i would feel as if my grandma (who dotes me the most, she passed away in 1 July 1994) has given me a pat on my back... It really made me felt better, as though 'she' is telling me 'she' is by my side all along...

When things aren't going your way, sometimes we just need a real hug from a loved one especially to make us feel better..

felt the warmth of those invisible tearsfelt the need to run away and hide from all this fakeclosed your eyes and felt peace in the darkrealised you're not needed all that muchwanted to end it all so you can just stop trudging along known what it is to lose your soulwanted to die before your time?

I have felt the above things.. :’(.. many a times. Now also.. just want some piece of mind!

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

this I have :(, knowing the person is not gonna last long, that person wanting to say something desperately but can't, you wanting to say, but that person can hear it ... those desperate attempts in the end to reach out for ... I'v had to take those with a smile for that person

** felt so lonely that you made friends with a bird

heyyy, I made friends with a lizzard =)) ha ha, will make a post on that soon and the nature of my friendship with him :D

** realised you're not needed all that much

thats an illusion ... the feel of being needed

** wanted to end it all so you can just stop trudging along

c'mon nutty that like giving up

** reached out to someone that your life felt worthwhile

ull never feel fine unless you feel worthwhile thyself :)

** wondered what you're really looking for

he he, I still am ... but I am thinking & pretending that I know it

** wanted to die before your time?

how dyu know your time for you to die before, maybe that "before" is your time :D

been there.. done that.. still feels surreal..(not all of it, but most of it) and keeps coming back once in a while...we have selective memories.. that lets us forget and move... or at least forgive...so that we can at least be rid of all those feelings that eat us from inside..just ride it out... what else can one do?

wow there is some list u got going there.. i thought it was going to be all dark till i saw the bit abt reaching out for someone where it makes it all worthwhile..i can check a few things off that list yeah..

***walked the streets of a loveless townhow would i define loveless town? a place where people dont understand what love if or a place where love is just suffocated and buried deep??Yes, i have been in the loveless town.

***felt the warmth of those invisible tearsYes, many times. Infact in the dark lonely cold nights, its the the warmth of those pearls we feel under our eyeslids, down the cheeks.

***touched the hands of someone dyingIf virtually dying: YesDeath as in real death: No

***thought what this world would be like without you in itThought many times but everytime came to the same comclusion, no difference!!

***felt the need to run away and hide from all this fakeYes, i did feel this many times before... and i still do. But sometimes i wonder if i am trying to make myself another face in the crowd!

***closed your eyes and felt peace in the darkYes,

***felt so lonely that you made friends with a birdI dont know if i have felt so lonely. But yes, i have made frens with the bird coz i was ALONE.

***realised you're not needed all that muchYes, and now i am trying to live with the fact,

***wanted to end it all so you can just stop trudging along many times.

***reached out to someone that your life felt worthwhile Yes i did... life came worthwhile but i still wonder if "reaching out" was right???

ooolla la!!!...log time after neha suggested me to have a look at your blog i got time today to make my first visit here... some excellent post there but not sure if i have entered in at the right time??? some gloomy recent posts huh? hope everything is fine with you!!

Dark Shadows.Life is generally what you make of it and that's why You need a plan of some kind, it can be very focussed or loosy goosy, and as they say if you do this, this, this, and this, then this will happen.

On my grey to noir days I try to remind myself that if most people in the world had my problems(mainly the silly self inflicted non life threatening variety)

more times than one can imagine hney, all of it.. i've felt all of it.. in fact these come back in phases.. maybe not altogether coz then i'd just depress n die.. but they come at me one at a time.. and u know wht makes all of this worth it ?is that at the end of that walk down the street of a loveless town, when you close ur eyes and feel one with the dark and wonder wht ur looking for, when ur thinking ur losing ur soul.. and realise that ur not needed as much.. and want to end it all, u see flashes of faces.. of people you love and who love you and then you open ur eyes and realise that you need to feel all of this once in a while to gauge the enormity of the love your surrounded with.. with what you have.. like i read somewhere yday .. its not abt loving what you like.. its about likng what you have and loving every bit of it.. i dont know im making sense here .. but kesh, trust me.. i've been there... :) i hope to god , ur not feeling all these things right now, else i'll have to start writing a whiny post.. tht will make u laugh!! :)how can i cheer u up sweetie? :)

ahhh...that feeling of summer so sweet and divine, the yellow leaves on infinite motion floating down like memories from heaven. You are in luvv....

Ok that was not that...this is indeed hopes and dreams. I'd say any true person in touch with his/her dreams and soul will have felt this. Very litte those ppl are, very big this universe is. Live forever Keshi, thats the key to everything luv.

And I know how u feel - exactly how u feel. It's not only u NV...u see alot of ppl here including myself, feel this way sometimes or ALL the time! So I want u to know I CARE n I UNDERSTAND. I have been there and I want u to know that ur not alone.

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

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Ian WC mate!

ty so much for ur encouraging words. They really mean alot to me. yes each day is a new day and each day holds alot of surprises. Those r very meaningful words to me. tnxxx alot!

Ur WC here anytime my friend. Have a great day ahead!

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Kumar tnxxx so much!

Sometimes Im a loser and sometimes Im a winner. It takes alot to accept life's painful experiences and walk ahead with ur head straight. It takes alot mate.

Margie ur hugs r always REAL to me no matter the physical distance bewteen us. HUGGGGGGGGGGZ babez ty so much! I know ur always there for me I just know. And it's all good...dun worry. Just a lil down...actually I feel like this for a very valid reason. Anyways, some day u will know...

Dawn Im trying hard to look from a positive angle when everything ard me seems soo negative...it's a very hard task...I will somehow try to do it...ty so much HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

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Butterfly its good to know that Im not alone...ty sweetie and Im glad u feel much better now. TC!

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Ori u too? No ways. Really?

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Shiv I so hope...ty so much!

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Thumbelina tnxxx! Im sure ur granma is watching over ya...

Guess what...after I posted this yday...I went home and cried. Then in the night in my dreams, my long-gone dad came to me. I couldnt believe it! It was after a very long time that I dreamt of him again. He held my hand and took me for a walk ard where I work. It was shocking. I dunno...mebbe he senses I was sad and came to tell me that he's right beside me?

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Prachi that HUG really made me smile...ty so mcuh and HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

AB sometimes I feel all of em all together...I know...it can kill me some day.

tnxx mate!

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KK I know...sometimes we have to fake happiness just to get in with life. isnt that sad tho!

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Mumbai_Guy Im not feeling too good...I've waited all my life to feel this miserable...there's a reason. some day u will know mate. ty!

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Deepz that story really cracked me up :):) haha! U just know how to make me smile ha? TY SO MUCH! HUGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

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Samy hey yeah they r my eyes :)

U really held hands of someone who's dying? It's really heart-breaking isnt it. My dad died sleeping next to me. His body was so warm few mins after he died. His energy was still leaving his body and it made me feel life is only an illusion...then n there. Cos once that energy leaves, there's nothing.

**how dyu know your time for you to die before, maybe that "before" is your time

See it like this...Im alive today...what if I choose to die today...d u think it's my time to go?

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Siddarth ty n WC!

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Yashita heyy I missed u.

yes sometimes darkness is better than a whole lot of bright lights that can be irritating to the eyes.

Im glad ur gonna be ard. HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

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Soj heyyy!

**we have selective memories.. that lets us forget and move

I cant forget Soj..how can u forget something that's in ur face - after it has becomes a huge part of ur daily life. Its simply impossible. I know u dun u'stand what im saying cos I havent given u teh details. Im sorry.

But tnxx so much for being here for me...HUGGGGGGGGZ!

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Anirudh hows u?

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Parag thats a very beautiful thing to say...ty!

One has to have sunshine and some rain in their life to know what life really is...atleast to get a hint.

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Deepa heyy HUGGGGGGGGGZ!

not really harassed...he offered a slack suggestion and I refused politely :)

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Desperado heyyy ty HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

**all it means is u have felt the pain n still hung in there...and that is all that matters

yeah I have...sometimes its so hard mate...it's so scary when u feel that u can really u'stand why some ppl take their own lives...that feeling is so frightening.

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Aditi heyyy!

**till i saw the bit abt reaching out for someone where it makes it all worthwhile..

yeah..Im glad u identified that one. It means something. It means that all the pain is worthwhile if u could just reach out to one person. Im glad u saw that. HUGGGGGGGGZ!

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Saby I'll visit Karen soon.

Vest is a red-neck. Forget him.

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Andrew that means alot to me. tnxxxxxxxx mate!

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Saira u too? awwwww....try to reach out to someone...u'll know it's all worth it then.

**a place where people dont understand what love if or a place where love is just suffocated and buried deep??

a place where love dont exist. a place love is a stranger.

**If virtually dying: YesDeath as in real death: No

real death...but that virtually dying thought is an interesting concept.

**Thought many times but everytime came to the same comclusion, no difference!!

yeah...it wont be different. thats so right.

**But yes, i have made frens with the bird coz i was ALONE.

yeah there's a difference.

**reaching out was right?

I guess it's not right/wrong...just liberating.

**Yes, i did/ do sometimes and sometimes i just want to live forever!

thats so true!

ty KAP...ur answers made me think alot.

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Kautilya heyyy HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

**some ppl deserve 2 die....I am one....

I have felt the last one many times...but I have a very valid reason. Im not saying u don't. But I never think that I 'deserve' to die. I deserve to live but some circumstances dun allow me to do that peacefully. Never think u 'deserve' to die Kautilya! NEVER. U r one in a million. This world is full of crazy ppl and u r very special. So yeah...u NEVER deserve to die. Im here if u wanna talk.

TC now!

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Rex that's a very interesting thought.

**Every hand you touch is either dead or dying, wonder chick!

so true...arent we the living dead.

ty so much!

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Raghav thats one more person in this long list.

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Bhavesh WC and ty so much! :)

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Scott then Im not alone.

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Niki HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

**im drown in the sea of tears...

why wuts wrong? Dun be like me Niki...u have a great life ahead of u. Always rem that.

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HE heyyy!

** I try to remind myself that if most people in the world had my problems(mainly the silly self inflicted non life threatening variety) they'd burn theirs!

hehe very interesting thoughts. HE u have no idea what im going through mate...and Im sorry for not letting u see the whole picture. Just be with me always just like u have b4...HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

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Purnima my soul sista...HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

** .. its not abt loving what you like.. its about likng what you have and loving every bit of it

thats right...thats the only thing that keeps me going dear. ty so much!

dun wriet a whiney post like me now LOL! Hugggggggggz I really appreciate ur support and love. It means alot to me. U have no idea!

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Ghosty that was love-ly! :)

**I'd say any true person in touch with his/her dreams and soul will have felt this. Very litte those ppl are, very big this universe is.

so true. ty for always giving me great advice. HUGGGGGGGGGGZ!

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Nitika big SMILES coming ur way darl...HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ n TY!

:):):)

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Cinderella ty so much!

**There's always light at the end of the tunnel and btw pain gives you the power to analyse between happiness and illusion.

yes...and sometimes it feels like happiness itself is an illusion.

Huggggggggz ur an angel by my side in my toughest times...ty for being here!

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Priya Im searching for it right now...and I realised that my positive energy is u guys. TY!

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Nikita u guys r my treasures...thats for sure. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGZ!

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The_Phoenix heyyy tnxxx!

**Those that are like that all the time, however, need serious help.

yup...Im not sure if Im going that way now...it's a bit frightening.

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Rupali ty!

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Contented thats all I need...u being with me by my side. TY so much!

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Arm_Pitt ty!

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Megzzy MWAHHHHHHH!

**we persevere because if quitting was an option who would blog???

yeah true...I think blogs really help me to keep myself alive.

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JaanKi yeah and I need to bounce back...ty!

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Masol tnxxx sweetie!

holding hands of someone dying changes ur life forever...it makes u realise life is an temporary illusion but it also makes ur life more meaningful.

***thought what this world would be like without you in it - Many times, but I try not to do it, I'm here now and nothing is going to change that.

dont worry baby, i am always here in chandigarh for u like u r there in Australia for me, :PJust chill baby, life is so short, u dont know when the game wil b over so be like saby or even lik me. let them call u nut but dont be sad

Yep u r not alone, we all think abt those things many times and like i said it all happens to me as well except a couple of things...

thought what this world would be like without you in it***I was talking abt this with someone a couple of days back only. This particular thing i dont give much of an importance coz i know there r only 5 ppl who wud be really affected by that(my mom, kavita, my sisters and sunita), for rest of the ppl i might haunt their memories for a fortnight max. Having said that, i had lot of ppl claiming lot of big things about being integral part of our lives and bla bla bla...but they r vanished, all gone...lolz

wanted to die before your time?***I hv had so many close encounters in my life that this thing just doesnt applies in my case, some day anyway i m gonna perish just like that.

Anyway, now come out of all those thoughts and cheer up...I gotta leave for work now, shall catch u tomorrow...Good day...:)

The Gospel of Thomas is very different from the gospels that have become part of the New Testament. It contains no narrative material, nor is there any story of the birth, the life, or the death of Jesus. It consists only of sayings, 114 in all, each preceded by the phrase, "And Jesus said." The collected sayings of the Gospel of Thomas are designated by its author as "the secret sayings which the living Jesus spoke."

Some of the sayings from the Gospel of Thomas are very much like those found in the gospels of Matthew and Luke, for example:"Jesus said, 'Come to me, for my yoke is easy and my mastery is gentle, and you will find repose.'" (#90) But others are puzzling: "Jesus said, 'Become passers by.'" (#42).

According to this author, salvation is achieved in the recognition of one's origin (the light) and one's destiny (the repose). And in order to return to his or her origin, the disciplemust separate from the world by "stripping off" the garment of flesh and "passing by" corruptible human existence.

For New Testament scholars, one of the most interesting things about this gospel is that its author (who calls himself Didymos Judas Thomas) appears to have used sayings from the same collection used by Matthew and Luke. But for this author and his community, the meaning of these sayings was clearly very different. The Gospel of Thomas, therefore, provided exciting new evidence for the existence of an earlier collection of sayings used by a variety of Christian communities.

In 1989, a team of researchers led by James M. Robinson of the Institute for Antiquity and Christianity in Claremont, CA, began a most unlikely task: the "reconstruction" of the Gospel of Q. Robinson and his team are accomplishing this by a highly detailed literary analysis of Matthew, Luke, and Thomas. Their painstaking work goes "verse by verse, word by word, case ending by case ending." After nearly ten years of work, the results of their efforts are soon to be published as the Critical Edition of Q.

The "recovery" of the Q gospel has stimulated a debate about the nature early Christian communities, and by extension, the origins of Christianity itself. One scholar, Burton Mack, has advanced a radical thesis: that at least some Christian communities did not see Jesus as a Messiah; they saw him as a teacher of wisdom, a man who tried to teach others how to live. For them, Jesus was not divine, but fully human. These first followers of Jesus differed from other Christians whose ritual and practice was centered on the death and the resurrection of Jesus. Their did not emerge as the "winners" of history; perhaps because the maintaining the faith required the existence of a story that included not only the life of Jesus but also his Passion.

Read more on the Q in this Atlantic Monthly article The Search for a No-Frills Jesus.

but there are beauty in some of these. despite the little ache at times. it was the ache that those people are hurting much.

Walked the streets of a loveless town.

Many times...and my heart ache for some

Touched the hands of someone dying

Would be the one that probably awaken tears within my eyes most when i read that. remind me of how i last held my grandma hands and let go to say bye..She went away that night..:)Adn the way i last touch her fingers. It was fingers tips losing its touch. I can't forget that. And she was a big influence in my life.:)

reached out to someone that your life felt worthwhile

:) I've done that many times..:) and somehow i must be crazy to say it now. but somehow thats something i desire to do all my life. I really hope to make them full time sometimes. i wonder if my path would allow..Someday somehow..*HUGS

These mentioned here are some of them that i feel are worth a little peek inside..

**but there are beauty in some of these. despite the little ache at times.

thats so true...cos even tho it hurts, thats what that made us who we r today.

Im so sorry to hear of ur granma...HUGGGGGGGGGZ! yes, that energy leaving the body is an AMAZING and enlightening experience.

I know some day u will fully achieve that desire to reach out to someone...but I think right now ur already doing it thru ur amazing blog...trust me when I say that. U R AMAZING and u have taught me many great things abt life. U have reached out to me and to alot of others out there.

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ty Sudeep for complimenting my eyes and tnxxx Im OK now :)

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Pri ty!

Losing my soul...what I meant was that soul is the only thing that is real and permanent abt us...even if the body dies, the soul doesn't. And sometimes I feel my soul is lost too...and that's really hard then. Cos when the soul is lost, there's nothing real left in me.

About Me

Music seems to adore me as it keeps reaching my ears...guitars and cars...friends I cannot be without...poems, life, ocean, people...these are some things I simply love. This is my personal e-diary...if anything I blurt out here hurts anyone, my sincere apologies in advance. What I write here are my deepest thoughts that I hardly discuss with people close to me in real. These are my conversations with my mind and the walls who sometimes have better listening powers than humans. But ofcourse I value everyone's views and I intend to grow from them, so you're most welcome to express yourselves here.
Life is too short so I try to 'live' longer every day...and yes one day at a time.
Knowledge is power hence people have been the source of that power in me...I thank them always.