Playground Tactics: A Father's Guide

It is spring break, and the Stay at Home Moms are out in force with their school-aged children. They are crowding the streets, packing McPlayland, and scrambling for something to keep their kids busy. Personally, I've never felt so outnumbered. Estimates have stay-at-home moms outnumbering their male counterparts more than 8 to 1. But honestly, most weekdays at the park it barely registers. Spring break time is definitely different.

The mothers built some sort of Burning Man day care city out of our favorite park. On a Thursday morning, the concrete tables were covered with disposable table cloths and balloons. Coolers with finger snacks and juice boxes were rolled out. A Ralph's World CD jammed from a portable stereo. There was a large oasis of tents set up in the grass. My boys took off for the swings and I followed behind. I felt like we were intruding. I was like the new kid trying to find a place to sit in the high school cafeteria.

Despite our increasing numbers, the relative rarity of stay at home dads can isolate us from other full-time parents. Some fathers report being shunned from playgroups and eyed suspiciously at the playground. I can't say I notice it too much. I rarely sit down at the playground since with twins it takes some triangulation to keep track of them together. Most of our play time is spent following my boys, with an occasional nod to a passing parent. The mothers on the other hand, tend to huddle, socializing with other mothers while prairie-dogging to locate their children. And though I don't feel shunned, I do know I'm being watched. The mothers glance out to observe the curious male and how he handles his children. I take center stage during time-outs. I could charge admission.

I think most Stay at Home Dads don't feel a need to socialize in the same way as the mothers do. I can't see myself huddling up with a group of random dads unless we were playing flag football. And I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable joining the goddess circle. During some casual eavesdropping I heard,

"Did you hear what happened in class on Thursday? Mary said that Joshua pulled his pants down in class, and everyone saw his, um, (whispered)pee-pee.

"Oh my God!"

"And their teacher didn't do anything!"

"That's horrible!"

"I know, right? I mean I know they are too young for THE TALK, but something should happen. I'm wondering if I should take Mary to see a therapist or something? "

"I would, totally. You don't want her scarred by that stuff, you know?"

No folks, I'm just fine outside.

Still, we bring our children to the playground to get some exercise, but also to learn how to interact with others. I can hardly expect them to learn this if I myself don't interact with the other parents. As fathers, it is on our shoulders to put forth the extra effort. Don't be shocked when the mothers don't run up and introduce themselves.

Here's some ideas to help you break through the cardboard ceiling:

* Frequenting the same park helps. Nothing will put other parents more at ease than seeing you play with your children.

* Find a good "Wing Mom". What worked in the bars works on the playground as well. Showing that you can interact with another mother positively will lead to more friendly interactions.

* Don't hit on the mothers. Even as a single dad, keep in mind why you are at the playground in the first place. Once these negative reputations enter the huddles they don't leave, and will follow you wherever you go.

* Keep your conversations about parenting. Don't ask too many personal questions. I avoid asking their children's names, for instance. Stay positive. Be friendly and open. No need for too many personal details, just be general to break the ice. If it feels like there is tension, then leave it alone.

With these tips you should be able to model positive interactions for your children and probably make some new friends along the way.

GT Jones is a writer for Daddy Says, a website for fathers staying active in their children's lives. http://daddysays.com