Dear ANDREW KRUMP, Thank you for your feedback concerning our AwfulBucks (TM) Product Suggestion Service! Because you seem so eager to help us improve our customer experience, I'm going to forward this e-mail to Sheena Easton, President and CEO of AwfulBucks Asset Management, LLC. I wouldn't expect her to answer directly - she's rather busy working at a support house for battered women and children - but I'm sure she'd be glad to hear of your positive opinion of our service! In the meantime, please enjoy some more of our consumer suggestions. And remember, the more you buy, the more AwfulBucks (TM) you earn!

The seminal feminist text, now in paperback! Examine how the inherent physical differences between men and women and how they affect our day-to-day interactions. "Dworkin argues that in a society where men oppress women, they will use sex for that purpose as well, and that men's sexual dominion over women underpins the whole system of oppression codified in law. Her most provocative point is that sexual intercourse itself intrinsically creates problems for women's self-esteem. She bases this argument on the premise that human beings need to protect their physical boundaries to feel safe. Since women's boundaries are breached in even the most welcome and humane forms of sexual intercourse, they must therefore experience themselves, as part of their normal existence, as more vulnerable than men experience themselves and less able to assert their humanity. Dworkin's argument is obviously one-sided, disregarding benefits women may derive from these intimate connections. Nor does she spend much time on a solution for the problem of boundaries she has identified. Still, this fascinating book deserves a wide readership." -- Cynthia Harrison, American Historical Assn., Washington, D.C.

Looking for a few new moves in the bedroom? How about a little reversal of fortune? From the makers of BEND OVER BOYFRIEND comes an instructional DVD on the joy of woman-on-man anal sex! Starring: Penny Flame, Jandi Lynn, Annie Cruz, Christian, Devin and Nomad with Special Appearance by Tristan Taormino. DVD Features: Mini-Feature on Solo Prostate Stimulation Toys, Nini-Feature on Strap-on Dildos & Harnesses. Shot in high definition.

FTM transsexual star of pornographic films Buck Angel's personal Web site. Learn the joys of a buff man with a surprise - a vagina! Loved by both men and women, Buck Angel will open you up to a whole new world. The muscles of a man, the velvety tightness of a woman!

YOUR AwfulBucks: $0.00

Sincerely, Daryl Hall Vice President AwfulBucks Asset Management, LLC

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From: Andrew Krump To: DARYL "FUCKING" HALL

I've done my research, and it seems feminism isn't all it's cracked up to be. In fact, its tactics occasionally border on intimidation.

According to this University of Florida study here: Most abuse is mutual - and even then, more abuse is initiated by women than men.

The following Florida State University journal chronicles systematic professional discrimination and alienation, in addition to death and bomb threats, used to silence impartial research.

"A total of 215,273 homicides were studied, 77% of which involved male victims and 23% female victims."

Here's a fewpublications which disprove the wage gap myth. It turns out, women tend to choose lifestyle, family, and longevity over profit. It works for them because, as I'm sure you know, if men don't make enough money (I'm sorry, security), they don't get laid. Take off the PC goggles and compare the dating prospects of the sensitive, receptive cab driver to the ruthless, profiteering wall street mogul.

Finally, we have an excellent example of typical feminist tactics - note the outright lying to a police officer, after tactics reminiscent of schoolyard bullying (surrounding him, trying to grab his glasses, grabbing at his camera, giving him orders, etc.). Was he being disruptive? Yes, and that was legal. Did they lie to an officer, which is a felony offense? I suppose that is open to interpretation.

From: DARYL HALL To: ANDREW KRUMP

Hi ANDREW KRUMP, We here at AwfulBucks (TM) appreciate your continued correspondence with us! Your frequent e-mails allow us to more accurately gauge your interests and continue offering the best product suggestions we can. Based on your most recent e-mail, we've marked you as interested in CATEGORY 42-069 - CONSPIRACY THEORIES and CATEGORY 78-948 - WHITE MALE DISENFRANCHISEMENT. Based on this new information, we are confident you'll enjoy these new selections!

Support the cause to find the truth of what happened on 9/11! While most of the public accepts the government's account of what happened on September 11, 2001 as fact, the concerned citizens at 9/11truth.org believe there are questions yet to be answered. Was President Bush to blame? Or perhaps someone more nefarious? The so-called "truthers" are determined to find out, and YOUR donation could help them!

A new political force, the radical Tea Party has given a voice to the disenfranchised voters of America. Determined to denounce any remnants of socialism from our great country, these middle Americans just aren't going to take no for an answer, fighting against welfare and healthcare while defending the God-given rights of Americans to appropriate government institutions, like social security and Medicare. While some critics would claim that the Tea Partiers are mistaking social justice for socialism, a true Tea Partier knows when he's being deceived by the liberal media, which is determined to wrest power from the hands of real Americans and give it the undeserving, lazy, inferior classes.

Perfect for the real man in your life! Continuing the Gorean Saga, this book tells the tale of a society in which men rule, and women obey their every whim.

Taken as a possession, Judy Thornton, an Earth resident, is found meandering in the wilderness of the Earthlike planet of Gor. In keeping with the uncivilized culture of the Goreans, she is trained and used as a slave. What her masters don't know is that Judy is more than just a beautiful chattel. She has the power to obliterate Gor and all that is related to it! Determined to seize control of her, Priest Kings and Kur-Monster enter combat, neglecting the fact that the fate of Gor rests in the hands of the ethereal Judy.

Sincerely, Daryl Hall Vice President AwfulBucks Asset Management, LLC

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To be continued? ....

NOTE: The name has been changed in this ALOD. Not because the man who e-mailed me doesn't deserve to have his name out there - he does, he is a tremendous asshole - but because he's fucking insane. So congratulations, you crazy bastard, you got what you wanted.