10 Ways To Spice Up Your Marriage

OK, so this is mostly a family blog, which means a ton of my writing is focused on my kids. But hello? My kids would not be here if it wasn’t for my husband, so the romantic area of my life deserves a little space, right? 😉

I’m at that point in life where marriages around me are starting to dissolve. Sometimes it’s just unavoidable — people cheat; people grow apart. Whatever the reason, it happens. You move on and do what’s best for yourself {and kids} in the long-run.

As a child of parents who divorced after I was a married adult, I’m highly sensitive to hearing about break-ups. I’ve had the thought “You just don’t ever know,” too many times to count. But the sad truth is, sometimes even the most loving {on the outside} couples split.

After 11 years of being with my husband {7 years married}, I have learned this nugget: Relationships take work to maintain, and both partners must be equally invested to make it last. I feel lucky to say we have a pretty great relationship. Things may not always be super exciting since we’re pretty distracted raising three small humans, but we both try our best to be in touch with each other’s needs.

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I’m sharing some of the things we do to keep the love alive. I hope it inspires you to look in your own relationship and see where some improvements can be made, and I’d love to hear your thoughts, too!

10 Ways To Spice Up Your Marriage

Date your spouse. I understand this is tough with schedules and a need for babysitters. Make it happen! My husband and I reserve one night each week for each other. When we can’t go out, we put the kids to bed and just sit together on the couch with a glass of wine {and no TV or cell phones}…and just talk. I find this time critical because I know I need that connection with him to feel emotionally secure.

Try something new in the bedroom.This goes without saying, right?! As a woman who has been pregnant and nursing for what feels like forever, this has admittedly been difficult at times. But when I pull myself together and do just a tiny thing different, it makes all the difference. I always joke with my friends that this is the easiest way to get your man to agree to anything 😉

Clean out your underwear drawer. It’s so easy to slip on that ratty bra and undies because they are comfortable, but honestly, they do nothing for your self-esteem. You don’t have to spend a ton on new goods, either…Target has enough sexy bras to make a granny blush.

Exercise. Because endorphins, and because it will make you feel more confident about yourself when you’re in your most vulnerable {naked} state.

TALK. Seriously. Your spouse is the person that should know your secrets. If you guys even knew the dumb things I have said out loud to my husband, I’d be laughed out of the blogosphere. But revealing those little quirky thoughts are what keeps us close…and keep us laughing.

Do things without each other. Sounds counterproductive, right? I’ve observed that we need time apart to grow together. I am so thankful my husband and I have our own things going on at times. It makes it more meaningful when we do get to hang out, plus it gives us great conversation to catch up on that isn’t about our kids.

Make your bedroom a priority. If you have a clean and romantic love nest, chances are you’re actually going to want to spend time there. I’m anti-TV in the bedroom personally, but I think it can be OK if you set limits.

Cuddle. Hold hands. Hug for at least 20 seconds at the end of the day. Feeling that closeness with your spouse is the best feeling, isn’t it? Those small gestures are a big deal. I find it instantly helps my mood turn around, too.

Be spontaneous. It’s a bit harder with kids, but if they are all happily entertained or napping, sneak off for a little rendezvous. If a date night out is difficult, what about a date to breakfast? Be flexible, and make sure you are squeezing in time for each other.

Text each other sweet things. Simply saying ‘I love you’ or ‘I’m thinking about you’ will make both of you feel fabulous and appreciated.

As a final tip, personally I’m a fan of the book The 5 Love Languages. It’s a bit cheesy, but it really helps determine how you need love in your relationship. I’ve changed since kids, going from “Affection” to “Acts of Service.” My husband knows one sure-fire way to get me happy is to do things around the house!

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Additionally, if you’re looking for a fun place to go on a date night around Southeast Michigan, check out my big list of ideas.

What are your favorite tips for keeping things spiced up in a relationship?

Totally agree with #8. Even if I am irritated with him or had a bad day, we spoon every night for a while as we fall asleep and it always makes me feel better, calm down or feel secure. And YES on The Five Love Languages! I just ordered the regular edition to read again because I have the singles edition. Looking forward to it.

It truly is an eye-opening read. I’ve been trying to do the 20 second hug thing when J comes home. It’s insane what a difference it makes when I’m all keyed up from the day. Keep on spooning girlfriend! Cuddles before bed are the best way to end the day!