Chipotle Closing For A Day, Giving Away Free Burritos To Try To Win You Back

Last July, my sister and brother-in-law got sick on Chipotle, and then my mom got sick on a meal from the same Chipotle location a week later. We’ve been boycotting our burrito bowls since then, and when the news broke in October that the chain had an E. Coli outbreak, we did little more than cock an eyebrow and go “Mmmmhmm.”

Chipotle has continued to suffer business-wise for the last four months, and now they’re trying to win us all back by closing all of their stores for a day and giving away free food. The nationwide closures – on February 8, in case you’re still eating there, which, why? – is for an “all-employee meeting about the plans to eliminate the issue” and “to give execs time to answer questions about the outbreak and to go over a new marketing plan to bring customers back,” according to E! News.

The free food, on the other hand, is only kinda-sorta free food – Chipotle is just doubling the amount of free food its locations can give away, but the actual amount they will give away is up to each location’s manager. So, maybe you’ll get free burritos, maybe you won’t. Chipotle, you sly bastard, I knew I couldn’t trust you.

My lack of confidence is unshaken. I live in one of the best cities in America for Mexican food (have you even had El Milagro tortillas?), so thanks but no thanks, Chipotle, I’m going to stay woke and stick to my local taco shops.