Question

Is it okay to simply hold my crying baby without walking and swaying her?

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My daughter is 6 weeks old and whenever she cries, we walk and sway her in order to soothe her and get her to calm down and (hopefully) go to sleep. However, due to exhaustion, I've been too tired to walk around and simply hold her while she cries. It makes me feel like I'm a bad mother because I'm not doing "everything" in my power to soothe her. Just hoping someone else has experienced this and maybe has some tips to share...either about the anxiety I feel or other ways to help her when she's crying. Thanks in advance for your time and assistance.

Mom Answers

we had some real cry-em-out spells at the beginning and DH was so sore from spending hours rocking her to calm her down. eventually we found some props that made soothing her less tiring for us:
-- hold her while bouncing on a giant exercize ball (we went out the first week and bought one and it has paid off greatly)
-- put her in the car seat and either take a drive or take her around the neighborhood in the stroller
-- put her in a carrier (we had a Chicco to start out with and later got a Moby wrap) and walk around. this was by far the quickest way to get her to fall asleep and easier than just holding/rocking since it's hands free.
also, she hated the swing at first, just wanted to be held all the time. a few weeks later it became our best friend for getting her to fall asleep when she's fussy or just tired. so, if something doesn't work now, don't give up on it forever. try it again in a few weeks and your baby might take to it. they

Thank you ladies for all of your GREAT advice. I've tried some new techniques you suggested and things seem to be getting better. It really helps hearing from other moms who have been through the same thing and made it to the other side. Thanks again! ;-)

didn't mean to circumvent the question w/ my previous post... no I don't think it's bad to just sit and hold her! if you need to, it's ok to just put the baby down and walk away to calm yourself down. inconsolable crying can take an emotional toll on mom and the baby can sense your stress too. there were many times when I had to hand the baby to DH and have him take her away for awhile, b/c I was crying so bad from stress, fatigue, pain, and/or feeling like a failure to get DH to stop crying. your physical and mental health are important too and you'll need them to take good care of your baby! taking care of yourself does NOT make you a bad mother!

If you have a rocking chair it could function as the "sway" if you are too exhausted to walk. My LO really like being patted on the butt. If she's really screaming the harder I pat the faster she calms down (then I can pat more softly). Mine also likes when I make a loud "SHHHH"... sometimes I think I should tape it because I feel like I"m going to pass out lol. Mine also likes the pacifier when she is fussy. Maybe one of these will work for you.
Also, if you don't have the energy to stand and hold your baby there is no shame in sitting down. Your baby is still getting the comfort of knowing that mama is there when she needs her... even if you can't do anything to "fix it" for her.

Thanks for your response neneface. We have a swing for her, but unfortunately, she'll only go in it when she's on the verge of sleep. When I put her in it to calm her down she gets even more upset. I'll definitely take your advice and put her down for a break at times. Thanks again.

I've been where you are right now... so little sleep and a baby that won't settle down. There were a handful of times where I needed to lay my baby down in his crib and collect myself because the screaming and crying weren't stopping no matter what I tried to do to soothe him. It's much better to give yourself a break than to lose your patience with your baby. Of course, you should hang in there and try to soothe him as long as possible, but in some cases no amount of help on your part seems to work. Have you tried putting her in a swing?

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