Baby never happier than when vomiting

CALGARY —- Researchers have confirmed that 9-month old Grace McMillan, despite enjoying other activities such as interacting with loved ones and playing with toys, reaches greatest levels of happiness while expelling a substance which she recently ate or drank.

“Our test results were very clear” Dr. Jon Yuen, lead researcher, told reporters. “While the subject has been shown to take pleasure in eating and in bouncing up and down in her jolly jumper, the sensation for which she shows the greatest preference is the feeling of something she ate trickling back out of her mouth, preferably at an inexplicably high or low temperature.”

Brain scans of the child show that she experiences a serotonin rush during a broad spectrum of regurgitation, from a light, trickling expulsion during or after a feed, to a sudden projectile splash onto a Teddy bear, to a gradual, 3-minute drip. While the infant used to strongly prefer vomiting milk or formula, she has reportedly begun to enjoy vomiting some solid foods, especially yam, avocado, and sometimes even prunes.

“Without a doubt, this information will help us with Gracie in the future”, McMillan’s mother, Julie, told reporters. “She’s always be eating something off the floor, or wanting to be bounced up and down. We tried to look for feeding and burping techniques that will keep her from vomiting,” she told reporters.

“But now that we know it’s the highlight of her afternoon, we’ll feel a lot better about just letting her have at it.” McMillan said while wiping a huge patch of partially-digested breast milk off of her chest.

At press time, researchers confirmed that no need to worry about that splash there, it’ll dry clean.