Nation Ecstatic About Return Of Test Cricket

After the first day of the test series between England and Sri Lanka, the British people have been hardly able to contain their excitement about the return of test cricket to our screens and lives. The return of the world’s longest, slowest and most inaccessible form of sporting competition marks the beginning of the British summer, and after day one people are already losing their shit.

In the streets, marketplaces, parks and museums all over the country, the young, the old and the middle aged are all talking about cricket. Everyone is discussing run rates, agricultural shots, nightwatchmen, wrist spin, field settings, chin music, whatever Ashley Giles is up to these day, the ball of the century to Mike Gatting, the Duckworth Lewis Method, the state of the pitch, the chance of rain, England’s fragile top order and how they’re going to celebrate when Alastair Cook finally reaches the elusive 10,000 test runs. You can’t walk anywhere without hearing people chattering about Headingley, Test Match Special and whether or not the groundsman will be forced to produce the heavy roller.

Cricket Fever has taken over, and people are forgoing work, school, personal hygiene, emotional obligations, eating and sleeping so that they don’t miss a single ball of this five-day affair, making sure they have plenty of time to pore over the stats after the evening session while nursing a twelfth pint of bitter. Local sources have reported a national epidemic of people drinking Pimms from 11 a.m. and starting Mexican waves in public as soon as the run rate drops below 2 an over.

The cricket has started, and for the next three months all will be cricket.