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When all the pacifiers are gone....the second season of parenting

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

I won't lie, that baby stage was hard.
Those sleepless nights, the colic, trying to breastfeed, unsuccessfully, so
you pump and pump for months and months and then you feed the baby, and wash
the bottles and pump again to feed the baby. And wash the bottles.
Those diaper blowouts at the most opportune times. I had the added advantage of a medically fragile NICU baby as my third {to you know, shake things up}. All the mommy guilt.
Mommy wars. Lack of confidence in parenting. The falling asleep in the middle of a sentence. In the middle of the
day. The wishing for just 5 minutes alone in the shower to wash your hair
(wait, I'm still experiencing that). The having a toddler and a newborn
phase. The having a preschooler, a toddler, and a premature baby in the
NICU phase. The longing for the easy years ahead.

The baby stage is hard….Really
hard.

Feed.
Burp. Clean. Rock. Repeat.

Those days seemed to drag on forever.
And I loved every minute. I did.

Everyone told me to enjoy those days.
Enjoy their babyhood, the toddler years...it goes by so fast.

And it did.

I stood in my kitchen last night, 10 years after parenting first began for me, going
through a bowl full of pacifiers and pacy clips. A professional pacy
hoarder OR a product of having 3 pacy loving littles we had a ton.
I'd be telling a lie if I said I didn't have to pour myself a glass of
wine and have an ugly cry over a bunch of pacifiers. With a 10 year old,
7 year old, and a 6 year old {tomorrow} it's been a month of Sundays since
anyone had a pacy in their mouth. And as my husband leaned in and said, "our
babies are growing up," I felt the clash of two worlds
colliding. When you're in the thick of it, you might not always realize it's over...until it's over. I mean I have known our baby days are over since oh, say 6
years ago tomorrow, but it sometimes takes me a little bit to catch on. As I
stood between longing for the baby phase, but desiring to see who God will make
them all I could do was pick up a pacy or two or three and sweep the rest into
the trash.

With one solid swoop into the trash and the
listing of the Kate Spade and Petunia Pickle Bottom {the diaper bags that saw me through the baby and toddler years} on ebay our baby and
toddler days are over. I feel like that white flag can officially be raised. It's a new season.

Everyone always told me the baby and toddler
years would be the easy years.

And
I laughed. I mean those people couldn't possibly know what it felt
like raising my children.

But they did because they had had their own.

And while experts probably group parenting
into more seasons than I have, for me this is the beginning of the
second. For OVER 10 years I've had a baby, a toddler, or a preschooler.

But now they're growing into big kids. Into
people.

I
am LOVING seeing our girls grow in knowledge, friendships, faith and in what
they love, but I do miss the easy days of childhood. And it's only going
to get harder from here.

This next season...They say it's the
toughest.

With acne, braces, periods, body image, boys,
girl drama, grades, that awkard stage in adolesence where you're not yet a
teenager, but you're not a little kid. And then those teenage
years. First dates, broken hearts, prom dates, first cars, obsession with hair and clothes, and complexions and weight. Praying they make good choices, good grades, and good friends.
Graduation.
College.

I'll probably lose my mind 10,000 times over
but I know I'm going to find it. I mean out of the last 90,000 hours I
had to lose at least half of them and I've still been able to put two
feet on the ground {most days}.

But here's the difference. We've been the first generation to raise children online. We built community and relationships in that manner, in real life too, but we have entire communities and circles online now as well. And during our early parenting days we were able to overshare, overgram, and blog about the poop in the
bathtub, the poop on the walls, the 3 year old tantrums, the ferocious 4's
{because we ALL know those are what take the cake}, how cute she was in her
first dance costume, her first volleyball practice, and the refrigerator art
you swore would never be there, all of it. And oh how I thought it was so
isolating during those years. But there were play groups and MOPS, and
Mother's Day Out, and play dates, and trips to the park. And so much
more. And we were always given a 👍 or a pep talk on our pages or a pep talk in real
life from friends in those Mommy groups because those were our people. Our community and we lived out loud a little more
when we had littles.

But this next phase....

When all the pacifiers are gone. When
kids are growing up and growing into who they are designed to be, it's probably
going to get dirty.

It's going to get tough.

It's going to get isolating.

It might get a little quiet.

The poop in the bathtub is going to be
replaced by a friend who pooped on their friendship.

The fights over clothes {because it's too
itchy or not twirly enough or pink enough} will be replaced with fights because
she has nothing to weeeeaaaarrrrrrr.

The 6 year old knock knock jokes will be
replaced with fart jokes {we all know it's true}.

The baby dolls and hairbows will be tucked
away for nail polish, makeup, and fashion.

The unknowns of parenting a child with
special needs through adolescence. The unknowns and new territory to parenting
my typical kids through adolescence.

The first crush in middle school will be
replaced with a first date when she's 18 {Daddy's rules 😜}.

There will be late night runs to Walgreens
for girl items and concealer.

They stop riding bikes and get behind the wheel
of a car.

There will be late night talks about friends
and boys.

There will be heartbreak and tears.

Disappointment.

And all of that beautiful refrigerator art
will all be gone.They will fail at something. They will
have broken hearts. They will make the basketball team and lose the first
game for the team. They will stop showing that gorgeous smile you've
loved for years because they are embarrassed by their braces. They will
think they are fat. They will fall. The will soar.

There will be great joy.

And we'll parent this season a little quieter.
A little more behind the scenes.

As I lay in the dark last night pondering
this changing season of my life, I couldn't help but cry. I mean ugly cry. But God’s sweet comfort and His reminder that
although life is ever-changing, He is my constant. I know He is leading me to treasure
the current season.

Parenting changes as our kids grow and real
life evolves. Our blogs and social media accounts may start looking a
little different. We may only be sharing recipes or memes 😂 or we may
just not be sharing anything period and just facestalking everyone else {you
know you do}. We'll eventually stop sharing every time our kids get
together with friends and their amazing artwork they created at the kitchen
table or at preschool or in the 3rd grade.

We might even get back to knowing who we are
and what we like to do {at least most of them time}.

And we'll be more than ok by doing so.

Because we'll also realize our babies, our
kids, are people. People with real feelings and emotions and we can't go
around sharing on facebook that their best friend was mean or they flunked a
math test.

We'll parent in private or within our own
tribes {like they did in the olden days 😉}. Encouraging them (and each other) as they go from dependence to
independence.

Commander in chief to counselor. And a
safe place for those emotions. That spirit. Those babies.

So much of this next season in parenting will
be spent silent. Rocking hearts and raising arrows, instead of rocking
babies and washing bottles.

I always hope my children know just how BIG
my love is for them.

I hope I do this next season well.

Jackie

Lord, thank You for the privilege of
parenting these littles You've entrusted into our care. Help us to enjoy every
day of every season and lean on You when our hearts ache for seasons gone by or
longs for what we think are easier seasons ahead. Help us to stay in the
moment raising these arrows to be brave, bold, to love you and love
others. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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About Me

Hey y'all! I’m Jackie. John's wife, Anna Claire, Ava, and Alli's mama, and a million other things to other people I love. Incurably southern. Arkansas Razorback. Coffee lover. Red wine drinker. Beachcomber. I’ve seen every.single Law & Order episode and I secretly long to be an FBI agent (think Blacklist). I’m a girl mom, dance mom, volleyball mom and a super passionate supporter of micropreemie families and families of children with special needs. These are my ramblings, recipes, and everything in-between. I'm glad you're here! ♥

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Anna Claire, age 10

Ava Liz, age 7

Alli Grace, age 5

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