The Best Revenge Is Living Well

Reader: I’m ashamed to admit that my ex and his wife were on national television recently, and they both looked pretty bad, and the fact that they looked bad made me really, really happy.

They were on a national news human interest feature. I thought my ex’s wife (I call her my wife-in-law) looked awful. She looked chubby and tired and puffy and she didn’t smile once. My ex looked grubby and sloppy and not attractive at all.

I have been trying to cultivate a general attitude of acceptance and contentment. It bothers me a little bit that it made me really, really happy to see them both looking bad on national tv.

Athol: Nah just enjoy it. Everyone loves to discover they were the winning ticket. The best revenge is living well. If you run your MAP you’ll end up looking great over the long term and leave them behind in your dust. It’s perfectly fine to use a little “fuck you” as motivation once in a while too. It seems better at getting that one last rep done with the heavy weights compared to thoughts of butterlies and inner peace.

I remember having one of those friend of a friend suggestions on Facebook a while back. *Pop* and there’s a photo of ultra-crush-from-way-back staring at me on the computer. She hasn’t aged well. I’m not saying she needs a paper bag over her head or anything like that, I’m just saying @Jen_Kay uses the stair climber machines at the gym. That’s all I’m saying.

I know; I found out my old flame (who turned down many proposals has been married nearly eighteen years and is still living with her parents! Great catch. (Actually, I broke her hearts many years later when I told her I had fallen in love with someone else; who’s to figure?)

Delicious schadenfreude. I realized not too long ago that all my ex boyfriends are overweight, balding, and look 10 years older than they actually are (and look miserable in every photo) via Facebook. I hit the jackpot with my wonderful, happy man with sexy biceps.

Even more horrifying, just think, you could have ended up still with your ex. Yikes. Like I’ve said many times before, I’m not happy about being divorced, but I’m real happy I’m not married to that woman anymore.

Oh and for the record, over the course of the last year my ex has put on a bunch of pounds and then cut her hair short. Yeah. That was good though. Effectively killed off any remaining glimmers of attraction I might have had lurking about. Made me feel better. Not because she was letting herself go, just better as in I was free of any remaining whatever. Dig it.

When I was a freshman, a couple seniors caught me sneaking through the gym to get to the lunchroom early. They caught me, held me down and gave me a hardcore wedgie. Suckfest 1994. It was one guy’s idea “hey grab that red-headed kid!, we’re going to give him a wedgie, its going to be one hell of a wedgie. . .”

So later on in life I have a girlfriend who’s pretty darn hot SR 7 to look at but SR 9.95 in the sack. Anyway we break up. Come to find out she went on and married that guy. She got pregnant and ballooned like a puffer fish, never to recover. I’m talking to my dad one day and he mentions this guy so I mutter that I owe that guy a kick in the balls, my dad inquires why I tell him the story. He says “Trust me, x1134x, you got even.