“I’ve come to the conclusion that after my last publicity stunt, I must be a sadist—and I probably, at this point, need counseling. I do have seriously mixed feelings about tormenting people, especially masochistic Mac nuts, who I seem to target every so often, much like dropping a cherry bomb down an ant hole and running for cover,” John C. Dvorak writes for PC Magazine.

Dvorak writes, “It’s so easy, but the results are always the same. This is my last time, ever.”

“Here’s the story behind this. I was doing a Twit Podcast at the San Francisco Apple store. Dave Winer, the father of RSS and an all-around blusterer, was there, and he asked me how I antagonize Mac users so effortlessly. I told him I had constructed a foolproof model of how to do this,” Dvorak writes. “Winer immediately got bug-eyed and asked if he could record this on video with his digital camera. He was jazzed! I figured I’d give him an earful, since I knew he’d post it immediately.”

“I outlined a formula for maximizing interest in a single topic, which could result in a minimum of three columns. The video got passed around, and the Mac users were up in arms saying they’ve been tricked, that I’d been baiting them,” Dvorak writes.

Dvorak’s formula
• Find something critical to say about the Mac that may or may not be true.
• Personal attacks and hate mail then ensue. This gives me “free column number two.”
• Apologize for being wrong and then all the Mac crazies really go nuts since they all feel so vindicated.

“What I never mentioned was that I managed to do this, as defined, maybe three times ever,” Dvorak writes. “The model for this column construction is outstanding, but I haven’t done it in over 10 years.”

“Apparently, to some of the Mac nuts who watched my recent exposition on video, I’m unethical and should be fired immediately! I’m amazed at the number of humorless lunatics who use a Mac,” Dvorak writes. “So now I’m a bad guy for revealing this writerly formula, which is fairly straightforward and logical. Let’s face it, anytime I write about a Mac, I’m trying to get mileage out of weak material… I really have to stop doing this. But these Mac-nut people (as you will see) keep coming back for more. The worst of the mob all tell the others to stop reading me and linking to me (a boycott was recently proposed), but they never stop. They are just encouraging it, and they all know it.”

Dvorak writes, “But, as I failed to mention on the video, I haven’t used this formula lately. I have a new formula, and nobody knows what it is. But this much I can tell you: There will be no followup to this column and no apologies.”

MacDailyNews Take: Questions, we’ve got questions: Will Dvorak be able to repair irreparable damage? Once you flush what’s left of your credibility down the drain on video tape for all the world to see and hear, how do you get it back? Can you get it back? Why did Dvorak feel the need to address this issue if it’s so trivial? Perhaps there is such a thing as bad publicity after all. Isn’t this latest article just Dvorak’s attempt at preventing early retirement?

Do you believe that the world’s largest Hawaiian shirt-wearing weasel hasn’t used his “formula” in 10 years and that this is his “last time, ever?” In our opinion, Dvorak tried his “formula” as recently as last month, when he tried to execute step one of his formula by calling the iPod+Nike Sport Kit “nutty.” Do you believe anything that John Dvorak writes and/or promises? If so, why?

Of course, while he continues to work, we will keep covering Dvorak’s scribbles and faithfully highlight his lack of credibility lest anyone actually believes what he writes in the future.

Dvorak is a genius, he’s just written yet another article that will make Mac users rush to read it an droves. Only this time he’s got “meta” on us and starts writing about himself instead of Macs, and makes sure to rile up the Mac users by calling them names. This soap opera is highly enjoyable if you ask me. Dvorak knows how to generate hits, even in his supposed “dark hour”. He’ll continue to be successful, despite what MDN says, there really is no such thing as bad publicity in this case.

This is what journalism is. Dvorak is no different than many other journalists today and since the very first newspaper. If you believe everthing you read you’re a very mis-informed person who thinks he/she knows a lot. Regurgitating information you’ve learned from newspapers and magazines may make you look smart to people who don’t know your subject matter but to any insider or engineer, scientist, etc. you’ll quickly learn that you’ve been had.

Personally, I don’t care at all about his credibility, any irreparable damage created, why he addressed the issue, what he thinks about Apple, or where he buys his clothes. Neither do I understand MDN’s obsession with him.