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The Lonely Mind: Dear God

Let me jump right in and say that I don’t understand. Granted I never understand any of Your plans before the beauty that is the result, I’d like You to fill me in just a little bit on where exactly You want me to go. I’m confused. You led me to a path I thought would be the best option– an option I felt would bring out the best in my abilities and develop the skills I lack. I don’t mean to call You out on it as it was mostly my active decision to pursue this path, but I feel as though I use Your name in vain when I tell them that I think You brought me here. I feel that mostly because I’m unsure that you even did. I feel as though I only brought myself into this situation completely leaving you out of this life changing decision. And yet I felt at that brief moment that You WERE there and You WERE telling me that this was the path. See my confusion?

I need to hear Your voice. I need to know that I’m not here for the sake of having a job. I want to feel assurance that this was not just a choice I made out of my own volition but a decision You and I made together because then I would feel that I wasn’t doing this alone. At least I would feel that I need not understand the end goal of Your plans as long as You and I made the effort to get me here. This is just me rambling.