People wrote:zombybunnie: N_V scares me...I no longer wish that my pants transformed Burn:Anyone notice how much of a boring party pooper N_V is? He doesn't join in the fun, he's spent the last few years with dodgy builds feeding XP to the Autobots, and he sure as heck doesn't spam. disruptor96: I forgot how insane you were.

Name_Violation wrote:My fave episodes are "day of the machines", "call of the primitives", and the horrible "b.o.t." episodes

The first two are good ones. The third... makes me wish I drank alcohol.

Now we introduce one of my favorite characters... the anti-Mikaela to some-not me...

The ImmobilizerWe open on Wheeljack showing off a new invention, the 'Wheeljack Instant Immobilizer'. Ego, much? Cliffjumper asks what it immobilizes and Hound projects a hologram of Laserbeak. Ironhide walks in, sees it and goes postal, literally bringing down the house! Why don't they have this sort of security when the real Laserbeak shows up? He apologizes and digs Wheeljack out. The immobilizer needs a new polarizer and Ironhide angsts about his age. He is the oldest one there, methinks.

Bumblebee and Spike go into town to pick up a new part. What, the local Radio Shack sells Autobot-compatible technology now? In town, the pair have stopped off at a local arcade to goof off a bit. I... rather like it, actually. It's good to see the Autobots having a bit of fun and being out among humanity. Suddenly, a willowy blond lady walks up and wants to talk to Bumblebee.

Admit it, you crushed on her.

Spike is rather taken aback as Carly introduces herself to Bumblebee and reminds him about the polarizer. "We should've been back with it hours ago." And no one radioed them about it?! Bumblebee runs out, transforms in the middle of the road, Spike leaps in and he drives off. Carly jumps into a nearby car-hers-and chases after.

Bumblebee makes a left turn without signaling, cuts off some cars and swerves. Early Stunticon work, here? Fortunately a police officer pulls him over. He gets introduced to Bumblebee, being slightly startled. Ravage suddenly appears from an alley and attacks! Why he was there... will soon become apparent. But in the meantime, he tackles Spike and plants a device on Bumblebee's flank. Spike grabs some jumper cables from the police car and shocks Ravage, driving him off. The officer admonishes Bumblebee...

Autobots taking traffic school lessons. Either this fic exists or it must be written.

Back at the Ark, Bumblebee and Spike pull up and get chewed out about being late. We learn the immobilizer basically does what it says-it stops things. Wheeljack wants to get a larger version so they can stop the Decepticons once and for all! And we get a closeup of the device Ravage implanted. It's a camera, transmitting to Decepticon Headquarters. Starscream's not pleased about the immobilizer. "Deactivate us, eh? We should vaporize those Autobot fools and fuse their carcasses into slag!" Megatron... agrees with him. Wow, hell just froze over.

Megatron notes the camera will allow them to track the immobilizer. We pan back to the transmission and rather cleverly cut back to the Ark. Prime decides to test the immobilizer under 'safety conditions'. The Autobots transform and roll out! We cut to outside the Ark in a secluded spot in the forest. Ironhide takes the first watch. As he transforms, we see an ominous shadow appear over the foliage...

Near a waterfall, Wheeljack sets up the immobilizer.

It fires a beam into the water and it freezes the molecules in place! Jazz jumps onto it and lands with a thud... or crash. "Right now that water is harder than any substance we know!" Brawn punches it, but nothing. Spike runs up but accidentally steps on the control. The immobilizer swivels to shoot at him, but Wheeljack shields him and gets frozen! Oh, no! And he was the only one who knew how to reverse the effect!

Prime says they must make sure the weapon never falls into Decepticon hands... as we zoom in on the micro-bug. We cut to Ironhide as he sees the shadow. he shoots at it, destroying a tree. He runs over and finds it's Carly! "This area is off-limits to civilians!" Any warnings, posted? She just wanted to watch. We suddenly hear weapons fire and Ironhide puts her down, running to the source of the noise. It turns out the Autobots have been captured! Ironhide blames himself. Poor guy.

Megatron demands the immobilizer, but nope. The Decepticons fire but it's blocked by Trailbreaker's force field. Starscream bitches him out about how they simply could've killed the Autobots then and there and transforms into jet mode, taking off for a strafing run. Sideswipe flies up and knocks his aim off, making him strafe the Decepticons. Prime rallies his soldiers and they send the Decepticons into the forest. Skywarp fires a 'bouncer bomb'.

Spike runs up to Ironhide and Carly... who is suddenly there after being left behind. The bouncer bomb bounces over and nearly kills them, then bounces and almost destroys the Decepticons. Megatron transforms and fires, knocking over a tree that buries Prime and knocks the immobilizer out of his hands. Ironhide runs for it, but is blasted. Carly blames herself as Starscream grabs the immobilizer. Ironhide's fist retracts and he shoots some... goo at Starscream. I think it's adhesive! The immobilizer rolls over into Megatron's waiting hands while Starscream... walks into trees. "My telemeter has-ugh-been damaged! Argh, I can't steer!"

Prime approaches Megatron. "You're losing your warriors, Megatron." His response? "Warriors are expendable! The most important thing is I get what I deserve, and I always do." At that moment, the river unfreezes and he takes a dip. Trailbreaker gets the perfect comeback. "You deserve that, Mega-jerk! Rust in peace!" The Decepticons wade across, Thundercracker wanting revenge. But Megatron's still got the immobilizer. Prime decides to get Wheeljack back to the Ark. Makes sense. Carly wants to come and follows them in her car. Wheeljack;s loaded into Ratchet and they roll out.

Back at the Ark, Ironhide is being repaired and hard on himself. Ratchet is... less than sympathetic. "Aww, knock that off or I'll disconnect your synthesizer! You're a brave warrior." Ironhide decides he's too old for this dross and decides to resign from active service. Prime accepts it, reluctantly. "Very well, if you feel that strongly about it. But we shall miss you Ironhide, old friend!"

"I miss you already."

In another part of the Ark, Carly's similarly beating herself up. Spike's trying to comfort her, but she runs off as Ironhide walks by. She apologizes and asks for a tour of the Ark. He agrees and takes her on a tour, including the armory. The hell?! She says someone should pacify the Decrpticons, "And their underwater headquarters!" Ironhide smiles at her while she... pilfers some explosive.

Wheeljack goes back to normal and asks about Spike. Ironhide tells him the Decepticons have the immobilizer. Spike notices Carly's gone and runs for the entrance, seeing the car's gone. He and Bumblebee go to track her down while Prime rallies the Autobots to get the immobilizer back!

Out to sea... possibly the Atlantic Ocean, Carly's in a wetsuit in a small boat and dives for the underwater base. She drove from possibly Oregon to the Atlantic coast, dove into the frigid water in a simple wetsuit... and put the explosive onto the hull. The sensors detect her swimming off. Laserbeak is sent and captures her, dragging her back into the water. This time without her mask.

Back at the Ark, the Sky Spy shows Carly being abducted. Sparkplug cajoles Ironhide into going and rescuing her. Back at the base, Carly's flown in front of Megatron. Skywarp reports he saw here in the forest and Megatron decides she's their friend. We cut to Bumblebee tooling down a highway as Skyfire passes overhead. Ironhide's aboard and is dropped off, using a rocket pack to break his fall. So Autobots... no. That way lies madness.

Ironhide tells them what happened and leads them off. Back at the underwater base, the explosive detonates, tearing a rather large hole in the hull. Watertight doors are sealed and sections evacuated. Turns out the only area still leaking is where Carly is being held.

Megatron leers as the water fills the compartment. "The show is over. Back to work." He misses Ironhide blowing a hole in the hull and rescuing her. Yay! "And you said you're too old to make a difference?" He deserved that. Carly hops into Bumblebee with Spike and they begin driving off, but turn back to see Ironhide immobilized! They see the Decepticons on a cliff and it turns out the immobilizer is permanent. Prime and the other Autobots show up. Megatron's shot and Starscream declares himself leader.

Rumble fires the immobilizer. Bluestreak and Gears are hit. Not Bluestreak! Gears is frozen in mid-transformation! Carly has an idea while Sideswipe is frozen. Carly has Brawn deploy his drill and tunnel underground to the immobilizer. She has Bumblebee signaled, which somehow lets him know Jazz has to transform and deploy his light and sound show. When did she work this all out and more importantly, inform them all??!

The lights and sound disorient the Decepticons. Rumble drops the control and the immobilizer goes into what appears to be standby mode. Carly hops up out of the hole beside it and opens it up, swapping two cables. Jazz retreats and Rumble uses the immobilizer, but it goes haywire! Laserbeak is deployed to try and recover the immobilizer, but Ironhide stops him and the immobilizer unfreezes everyone else!

Megatron... has a temper tantrum. The immobilizer is mine! MINE!!!!" Ironhide smashes it and the Decepticons retreat. Back at the Ark, Ironhide goes back on duty again. He and Prime shake. Wheeljack asks Carly how she figured out how to reverse the immobilizer's effects. She spouts some technobabble, revealing she's accepted a scholarship at MIT. Da-yum! Bumblebee whispers to Spike, who asks Carly a question. "Carly, how would you like to go out for an emulsified CO2 with lactic acid?" "What's that?" "A chocolate soda."

And so Spike discovers girls as he and Carly drive off! And Sparkplug watches as his boy begins growing up.

ThoughtsThis was a very good episode, here. I like Carly! I like her and Spike, too. Good focus on Ironhide, here. Rather gimmicky plot device in the immobilizer, but that's par for the course in season two.

Also cool seeing Bumblebee at the arcade. I love seeing Autobots having fun like that.

The Autobot RunWe open on a racetrack. Spike and Chip are standing beside the stands, not in them for some reason. Chip wonders how the race would be if the Autobots raced. For charity. Bumblebee picks them up. "One limo-bot coming up!"

Laserbeak flies by and we cut to an Old West ghost town. It's an AKOM episode. Just go with it. We also get a rather twangy theme to go with the scenery. Megatron asks when the 'transfixatron' is finished. Scrapper reports it's finished. His voice also isn't raspy. Laserbeak flies up onto Megatron's arm and then goes into Soundwave's chest, playing back Chip and Spike's conversation. Megatron decides to use the info as soon as he tests the device. Starscream bitches about it and Megatron orders him to transform.

So important is this test, even Shockwave shows up!

Starscream balks and we get this... line. "What's a test without a guinea pig-o-tron?" He transforms and Megatron fires it. Starscream feels nothing. "Then transform back to your root mode, Starscream!" Root mode... kinda makes a bit of sense, there. He can't transform. He's also freaking out. He begs to be released, and Megatron ponders leaving him like this. After some rather pathetic whining, he's blasted again and transforms. Megatron decides to use it against the Autobots while the COnstructicons build something else.

Back at the Ark, Spike explains the race for charity. Prime and the Autobots are rather enthusiastic for it-except Huffer. Ratchet, Wheeljack and Huffer stay behind to guard the Ark. "Autobots, transform and roll for the show!" At the racetrack, hopefully sometime later, they line up. Some idiot in the audience snarks. "Hey, where are their cars?" Dude... you can't be this willingly stupid.

The Autobots transform and the green flag is dropped! The Autobots race, Mirage and Sunstreaker showing off a bit while Jazz rocks out.

Back at the ghost town, Long Haul grouses about not being able to fight as they build... something. At the track, Skywarp teleports in and transforms, the transfixatron simply appearing in his hands. He shoots the Autobots and they glow purple. Spike and Ship are worried, but Bumblebee dismisses it. "Probably just energy evaporation from all the speed... maybe. I hope..." Skywarp teleports back and reports to Megatron. "Treachery is your forte, my dear Skywarp. Now the Autobots can no longer call themselves Transformers!"

And that was the first time any of them had been referred to as 'Transformers' IU, too.

The Autobots feel a bit weird, but dismiss it too. There's so much dust kicked up no one can tell who won! How dust got ahead of them is probably due to... wind?

I feel the same way sometimes, pal.

Honestly, a race by the Autobots would be a worldwide event for some international speedway or something, not some racetrack like this.

Well, the Autobots line up for Sunstreaker to jump them. "What are they doing, Spike?" "Making Eveil Knievel look like a kiddie car driver!" Prime warns him not to do it. "Don't worry, Prime! When they made me, they broke the mold!" Considering his G1 mold is beyond recovery... ouch.

Sunstreaker tries it... almost crashes, but Windcharger uses his magnetic powers. Sunstreaker... is vain about it. Jazz wonders what's next, but Mirage picks up Decepticons. Prime orders them to transform, but they can't! "I can't change back to my normal, handsome self!" Twenty energon cubes to whoever can guess who said that line.

Megatron gloats over them and coerces the humans to leave, blasting at them. A few times offscreen so I can surmise some humans died. The Autobots roll for the Decepticons, trying to so something. The seekers take off and fire, making mincemeat of the Autobots. Bumblebee transforms and gets Spike and Chip out of there and back to the Ark. Ironhide tries to rally the Autobots, but no go. Thundercracker hits Prime and the other with incendiary blasts. "I'm getting sunburn on the inside!"

Soundwave takes out their comms somehow shooting through their windows. And the Autobots are led away. How humiliating! Back at the Ark, Huffaer acts like an **** but Brawn picks him up. Go, Brawn! Chip accesses Teletraan-One for info on transforming. We get several images and according to the data only some sort of 'transfixation ray' could stop transforming. I can think of several other ways to stop it... but we'll go with that for now.

Spike wonders if they came up with it and Wheeljack ponders a high-frequency ray to counteract the effects. Back at the old west town, Megatron fails irony. "Ironic, isn't it, Autobots, that after so many valiant battles, you will meet your end in the crushing jaws of this device so lovingly fashioned by my Constructicons." Ironhide tells him to get on with it and Megatron obliges. "Bring out the Decepticon body shell!" The what? Do they have spare chassis lying around? Well, the car crusher extends a claw, picks it up and feeds it, Sarlacc-like.

Hound shoots a hologram... which somehow ends up in the Ark. I'll be charitable and say he simply tapped into projectors already there. Teletraan-One fixes on the location, but Soundwave detects it and blows up Hound's hologram. Meanwhile, Megatron picks up the remnants of the body shell-a cube. Ironhide is next. The Autobots surround him, but the COnstrcticons pick them up and toss them aside. Ironhide's put in the claw. "Later, guys! It's been really great knowing yah!"

Back at the Ark, they've got a grenade that'll reverse the effects. Huffer grouses, but brings up a good point-if it doesn't work, more harm will be done. But they've got no choice. It's now or never. Back at the town, Ironhide's positioned over the maw. Prime releases Roller, who drives up and distracts the Decepticons. "What's that?" "I'd call that a target!" Starscream fires, but misses. They all miss as Brawn, Huffer, Ratchet, Wheeljack and Bumblebee drive up. Prime smashes the side of the crusher and Irnohide's let go. Megatron shoots at them... and hits the crusher. The Autobots pull up, but the Decepticons spot them. Thundercracker is... belligerent. "Your termination is overdue, earth crawlers!"

Wheeljack runs off with the grenade and shoots at the seekers. A heat-seeking missile hits him and knocks the grenade out of his hands. Spike catches it, but Soundwave shoots at him. "Give the grenade to me, human microbe!" He tosses it and Chip manages to push himself OUT of his wheelchair to grab it!

He rolls down a hillside... somehow. Ravage is ejected and attacks, knocking him over. The grenade rolls... and detonates. It works! Sunstreaker is elated. "I see my true beauty emerging!" The Autobots transform, Prime's trailer simply disappearing. The Constructicons merge into Devastator, though. ZCliffjumper fires at him, but Devastator uses... eye beam tractor beams to fling him into a building. The Autobots are doing little, being bowled over and tossed into buildings. "Extinguish their laser cores forever, Devastator! Finish them!"

Wheeljack, using the boosters in his arms-like in his tech specs-spots the transfixatron. He and Cliffjumper grab it and fire it at Devastator. It... makes him disassemble into the individual Constructicons and their vehicle mode. Hmm, well he is a combiner.

Megatron calls for a retreat, but not without some Starscream snark. "Let me guess, we retreat!" The Autobots destroy the transfixatron and I am glad I don't have to type that again. Prime announces they'll head back to the Ark. "For rest, recovery and-"

ThoughtsHmm, not too bad. Device of the week, here. Although being stuck in vehicle mode should be the ultimate in nightmare fuel for any Transformer. Think about it-they're built nowadays to change, to adapt. And to be stuck not only in one mode, but the less generally useful one?

Also, the Decepticons loved throwing around insults to humans this episode.

And now we see a bit of some of Earth's other residents-and I'm not talking humans!

Atlantis, Arise!We open on Laserbeak and Buzzsaw flying over the Atlantic, looking rather nice. We cut to the underwater base and Soundwave. Megatron is there, too. "How dare you me to watch a travelogue, Soundwave!" Turns out there was a good reason. On the screen, we see a graph of some structure and what I presume to be power readings.

"Are you interested now?" Snarky for Soundwave! Megatron is impressed and decides to go there to steal the energy. The docking tower raises and the Decepticons fly off, meeting with laserbeak and Buzzsaw. They dive into the water and find a rather large city with thermal vents all around.

Starscream and the seekers-in jet mode-fly off to attack. Megatron urges caution, and is proven right when they slam into a force field. The natives approach, led by King Nergill of Sub-Atlantica. Hmm, so not 'exactly' Altantis. He communicates telepathically and according to Soundwave, "His mental power is great!"

Starscream proves what a dumbass he is. "But not as great as my firepower!" He aims, but one of Nergill's soldiers shoots him. Nergill's disappointed and orders the Decepticons to surrender. Megatron blows apart the mountain and buries Nergill and his soldiers. And thus the pecking order is established. He uncovers Nergill and admires his warlike spirit, proposing an alliance. The soldiers ready their weapons, but Nergill speaks in what is presumably native Sub-Atlantican. The slowed down words, from the TF wiki, are:

That's... rather good! Starscream has Soundwave unscramble the message. Nergill invites the Decepticons inside and we see the inner workings. We even see drills tapping the geothermal energy. It's limitless... so long as the city remains where they are. Megatron decides to remain there... "Long enough to take it from you!" He says this out loud within earshot of Nergill, too. Dumbass!

We cut to later on. Energon cubes are being filled in their usual wacky way, passing through clouds of smoke and fire and somehow being filled. It has allowed Sub-Atlantica to move, though. We see Thundercracker and Skywarp placing what appear to be engines along the perimeter!

At the Ark, the Autobots are learning about football, American style! Spike takes the pass as the Dinobots rush the quarterback! Spike passes to Hound, with Swoop trying to intercept. He's tackled by Slag! No score! Wheeljack shows up and tells them Prime needs them.

"Are you sure humans do this for fun?!"

Inside, Prime reports about an energy flare, "In the deepest part of the Atlantic." He asks for volunteers and Hound and Bumblebee volunteer. "it's gotta be safer than playing football with Dinobots!" Wheeljack and Brawn go along. Makes sense with Brawn. How many times has he gone underwater? Spike tags along. At the edge of the Atlantic, they drive in. Hound even puts the top up. Wheeljack's voice burbles as they dive. They float down, Spike exiting in a pair of shorts, bare-chested and wearing a SCUBA tank.

Really, guys? Really? Carly at least had a wetsuit on!

Bumblebee asks what this is and Spike theorizes this city is Atlantis. Close, but no cy-gar. The Sub-Atlanticans ambush them! "Enjoy our hospitality-permanently!" Soundave sounds the alert and the Seekers attack. "Look out, we got underwater air pollution!" Spike calls for a retreat and Wheeljack decides to hold them off while the others get away. Brawn calls for him, but Buzzsaw and Laserbeak intercept. Wheeljack collapses the cave they were in and Megatron gets ready to kill him.

Nergill asks for him to be his prisoner and Megatron agrees. Nergill sends out more scrambled communications, but this time Soundwave unscrambles them. Turns out Nergill wants Wheeljack so he can develop anti-Transformer weapons.

We cut to the city rising out of the depths and the Autobots trying to outrun the Sub-Atlantican weaponry. They get to land, almost being washed ashore, but transform and run for it. Bumblebee's even out of breath! A scanner pops out of his shoulder and it looks like SUb-Atlantica is heading for Washington DC!

According to the wiki, again, Chesapeake Bay looks like desert. This is obviously damage from 'The Ultimate Doom'. The Decepticons fly off while Nergill goes to his lab, with Starscream watching him.

The Autobots are rolling along to the nation's capitol. Spike reminds him about Wheeljack and Prime wants him and Bumblebee to rescue him. Spike?! *Sigh* We cut to Decepticons and Sub-Atlantican soldiers storming Washington. It's a basic rout. A force field generator is set up in the center of the city. There's a bit of a standoff between a soldier and Megatron, but the force field is lowered. The Autobots make it through, though!

Megatron gloats. "Washington DC is MINE!" As the sky turns pink. Prime rolls through and the Autobots attack! There's a fight, with Hound cautious. "Watch your aim, guys! We don't wanna blow away any history!" Laserbeak is ejected and Hound gets snarky. "And now Laserbeak is history, too!" And he hits Laserbeak but good!

We cut to Bumblebee and Spike. Turns out the dome doesn't extend underwater, which is rather... glaring. They dive and enter through one of those pools we always see in underwater bases.

Wheeljack is... encased in energy chains as Nergill gloats. Nergill's dysfunction ray works! Starscream demands he hands it over, but is... shot by it. He so deserves it, too. Turns out the ray's not quite as effective against Decepticons, but they're still incapacitated. Starscream crawls over and hooks his systems up to Wheeljack's... for some reason. Bumblebee and Spike burst in and interrupt him, Bumblebee tackling him into a wall. "Did I do that?!" Score one for the 'Bee!

Spike congratulates him and has him help reset Wheeljack's control interfaces. Wheeljack is brought back online. Nergill enters Washington DC as the Autobots and Decepticons fight. Brawn literally lassos Thundercacker and ties him to the Washington Monument, Prime shooting him down. Nergill walks up and fires his weapon, taking down Prime with one shot! He also shoots Prowl, Brawn and Hound. Megatron is... congratulatory. "Pompuus Sub-Atlantican may be good for something after all!" For him, that's high praise.

Wheeljack and Bumblebee are driving down the streets, Wheeljack sending a very vaguely-worded message to Prime about the dysfunction ray. Too late, though. We cut to WHeeljack radioing the Dinobots for help at the Ark. Grimlock is... Grimlock. "Autobots bite off more than they can chew. Then send for Dinobots." He decides to help out.

Back at Washington, a soldier questions Nergill about why they're working with the Decepticons and Nergill replies they'll be dealt with. We cut to Megatron removing the Lincoln Statue and sitting there. I am near 100% certain this is impossible, but it makes a spiffy throne! "There, this throne was made for me!" And in some cool shadowing, Thundercarcker asks the same question and Megatron reveals he'll do the same thing Nergill is planning to do.

The Dinobots arrive at the force field. "Dinobots, transform and destroy!" Sludge is enthusiastic. "All right!" The force field is smashed through in NO time at all and the DInobots wreak havoc. Grimlock even snarks it up over Prime's chassis. "Me Grimlock here again, Optimus Prime, to pull your diodes out of laser fire."

translation: Remember when you left me and my buddies to fight Devastator by ourselves and we almost died? Yeah, I lost a bit of respect for you there.

Megatron confronts him but is overpowered. Nergill gets his weapon ready. He doesn't have a clear shot, so he goes to shoot them both. And of all Decepticons, Starscream saves Megatron! "You treacherous hydro-weasel! Megatron, Nergill is now our enemy!"

There are no words, so moving on!

We cut to Spike, Bumblebee and Wheeljack. The two Autobots transform and tackle Starscream, knocking Nergill's weapon out of his hands and into Grimlock's. "Heh, not bad for Autobots!" He destroys the weapon and the energy chains around the Autobots disintegrate. Megatron chastises Starscream... for saving his life. *Sigh*

The Autobots get up and Nergill calls for a retreat, but Megatron punches the Washington Monument. Prime is so disturbed he clones himself before rushng over to prevent it from toppling over! And apparently the entire structure doesn't crumble to dust. Grimlock teases him some more. "Good catch for an Autobot!" But he helps it back up. Slag... melts it back together while Prime is rather nice. "You Dinobots did pretty well yourselves." The Lincoln Statue is put back in place as the Autobots roll for the shore.

At SUb-Atlantica, Megatron demands to know what was going on, but no time. The Autobots are en route. The defenses are readied as the Autobots storm the shore. Prime rolls up and the Dinobots emerge from his trailer. Bad. Ass. "Okay, grimlock. Time for you and the Dinobots to act prehistoric!" And they do. The Sub-Atlanticans retreat, but Megatron stands his ground. "You don't frighten me, you mechanical throwback!"

"Good, Megatron! We love stupid enemies!" Nergill watches the destruction and decides to blow up the entire city! Wheeljack, Bumblebee and Spike try to stop him, with Soundwave, Rumble and Ravage following. Nergill stands over some cauldron and threatens to throw some sort of scepter into it, which will somehow blow up the energy stockpiles. Rumble overhears it and realizes Starscream was right!

Rumble activates his piledrivers, blocking Nergill, but he simply goes to another cualdron. Wheeljack grabs him, but the scepter goes in. Bumblebee radios Prime and both the Autobots and Decepticons evacuate. Grimlock and Prime rescue Wheeljack, Bumblebee and Spike as SUb-Atlantica explodes. Nergill is gone... almost certainly dead.

ThoughtsRather good episode, although one wonders if the Sub-Atlantican race was wiped out here. I don't know if Nergill's city was their only one or what. All we saw were soldiers and him. Young, females? Were they off somewhere else?

I am near 100% certain any non-Transformer or Spike died there, though. And plenty of Washington DC residents, too. We even saw evidence of destruction from Cybertron's orbit.

Motto:"I'm grade-A, 100% prime-cut final boss! I'm going to take over the world any day now!"

Weapon: Multi-Function Sword

The annoying thing about any potential death and destruction caused, especially that portrayed in the Ultimate Doom, is despite it apparently wrecking the planet, we never see any evidence of it ever again except in the following episode. After that, all evidence of it is bizarrely missing from any and all cityscapes, and nobody in the Transformers world seems to remember it ever happening.

Tekka wrote:The annoying thing about any potential death and destruction caused, especially that portrayed in the Ultimate Doom, is despite it apparently wrecking the planet, we never see any evidence of it ever again except in the following episode. After that, all evidence of it is bizarrely missing from any and all cityscapes, and nobody in the Transformers world seems to remember it ever happening.

New York, DC, "Central City" etc, all seem to be completely fine.

Magic? Faeries? Did Season 2 take place in an alternate dimension?

I like to think there was some major repair work done in key locations like those, at least offscreen. We do see Chesapeake Bay has undergone some radical alterations to the landscape, at least.

And it was rather good to see 'Countdown to extinction' acknowledge the rebuilding, at least. And thanks for replying!

And now... something kinda inevitable. A robot revolution episode.

Day of the MachinesWe open on a large complex at night-Quantum Laboratories. It's where America's top scientists are working on highly-advanced inventions. We see laser cannons on the rooftops, even. We close in on a familiar tape recorder, a guitar case and brown package. A security guard picks them up and brings it to lost and found. He locks it up, but the tape recorder ejects Laserbeak and transforms into Soundwave! He has laserbeak unlock the guitar case and for the only time in G1 Animated, Megatron is human-sized in gun mode.

Megatron whispers, "Get a move on, Soundwave!" Then blows apart the cage they were in. Subtle... They run off... and sneak around. What, no one heard the massive explosion? He again blows a hole in the roof ans they jump down into a room. There is TORQ III, "The most powerful computer on this planet!" I love the distinction there of 'this'.

TORQ... is a pink face.

Really, there wasn't a better design you could've used?

Megatron begins reprogramming TORQ, using a probe from his head and placing in his personality, instincts and such. Megatron opens up the package and places chips on several machines around the room. TORQ can now control them and has one... shoot Soundwave. If this is Megatron's personality, that says an awful lot about what he thinks about even his most trusted and loyal lieutenant.

Megatron asks what the first thing is to do when preparing for war. TORQ answers the preparation of defenses. So Megatron gives him the chips to control all the machines in Quantum Laboratories.

We cut to a pair of scientists, one unnamed and the other Paul Gates. Paul's worried that TORQ's too powerful and smart for humanity. His colleague is dismissive. "We must continue the pursuit of knowledge, Paul." Paul worries about if the wrong people got control of him, but the other says mankind will depend on the development of sophisticated machines. He then uses a remote to open a file cabinet. Dork. He realizes the time and they go to leave, but the door closes and locks itself.

TORQ appears on the desk's monitor-a rather advanced monitor for 1984-85 and declares he controls the facility. Paul calls for anything metallic as he begins unscrewing the front of the monitor. He's Macgyvering the monitor for long-range transmission!

We cut to the Atlantic and a convoy of oil tankers. I guess in the days of Decepticon raids, this is for protection. Rumble fires control chips at them. They latch onto the tankers at random spots, somehow enabling the tankers to be seized by TORQ. It doesn't work that way!

At the Ark, Teletraan-One contacts Prime and shows the oil tankers converging above Decepticon Headquarters. "They carry a vast energy supply, Optimus Prime." Gee, really? Just then, Paul gets a message through. He's on the phone. He tells Prime about TORQ's rebellion. Prime's in a bit of a quandary. The humans or the oil tankers? Hound suggests he go check out the tankers while Prime goes to Quantum Labs. Prime tells Skyfire to take him there... and Skyfire appears out of nowhere, or was silent in the background. Take your pick. Spike tags along, too. The Autobots transform and roll out!

At Quantum Labs-and it's a big place-the Autobots drive up to the main gate but quickly come under fire by the controlled machines. The Autobots storm in, Wheeljack just ripping the turret off one of the tanks. "Huh, these things are driving themselves!" We know... Prowl fires and blows them up. The Autobots are quickly surrounded and the defense turrets zero in on them. Prime is... snarky. "This isn't one of our shining days!"

Wheeljack takes out the turrets and Prime decides to radio the Dinobots for help. He... presses his grill.

Not as bad as Soundwave in 'The Ultimate Doom'... but close.

We cut to a swath of destruction. There's piles of wrecked machines, but more are coming! Just then the Dinobots come storming in. Prime commands them to stop the vehicles. Grimlock is awesome, as always. "We help! Hmm, always get Autobots out of messes they get into." I love him so much sometimes. They transform and do their thing. What more can be said?

Prime praises them and leads them deeper into the complex. Paul calls from a window and Sludge gives Prime a boost to the window. "Going down?" Paul tells Prime that TORQ seized control, but he doesn't know why. Prime tells him about Megatron and the oil tankers. Paul's incredulous. "TORQ can't control machines that weren't designed for remote control!" Oh, it is glorious to hear that instead of a magic remote!

Sparkplug-from nowhere-shows off one of the control chips. Prime slips one into his wrist compartment. We cut to TORQ gloating and then back outside. Paul waves at a door. "You can bet those doors are locked." Prime shows why he's awesome. "Fortunately I have a delicate lockpicking technique." And he shoots his laser rifle. Unfortunately, machines emerge from the hole.

We cut to Skyfire flying over the Atlantic. The oil tankers are converging on a platform covered by a force field. The plan's simple-dock the tankers and drain them of oil. Hound has Skyfire take them down to one of the tankers. He does and does a brief gerwalk while landing on the deck.

The captain emerges and asks for help. Hound informs them of the Decepticons and asks to be hidden. The force field drops and the tanker docks. Hook, colored yellow, informs Megatron of that. Well, it might be a remote-operated crane. He doesn't transform and the voice is radioed in. Hound and Skyfire emerge, fighting. The Decepticons fly out to meet them. Skyfire ignites the oil, but Spike is captured by Laserbeak! And he's held hostage. Hound and Skyfire drop their weapons. *Sigh* Spike, you're supposed to be one of the good humans!

Back at Quantum Labs, more fighting. The Autobots take a beating, even Prime can't break one machine's cable arms. Prowl uses his acid pellets on a giant jaw, ripping the top off. Irnhide simply walks through one machine's fire to stick his finger into the nozzle and wait for it to feedback and explode. The TF wiki says it best.

Ironhide destroys one of TORQ's machines by walking right through the blast it's emitting and sticking his finger in its hose. He is old because he is hard!

Sideswipe smashes together two claws and Prime wrenches his own body around, sending the attacking machine flying. They finally enter the compound proper. TORQ taunts them and Prime decides to go in alone. "It's a trap, Prime!" Listen to Prowl!

Back at the Decepticon Headquarters, Hound, Skyfire and Spike are in a rather messy prison. Spike has a plan...

Back to Quantum Labs, TORQ continues taunting Prime. Prime simply shoots through a wall and engages the machines. An arachnid-looking machine places a control chip onto Prime! And he walks up to TORQ.'s mainframe. "And I, TORQ, will be master of everything!" Yeah, methinks Megatron did too good a job of reprogramming TORQ.

TORQ gloats, but Prime pulls off the chip! It was a dead chip, actually. TORQ sends the machines after him, but Prime does the easy thing and smashes TORQ's mainframe! The supercomputer crashes and the machines go dead. At the oil platform, Soundwave informs Megatron about TORQ's demise. And he secretly gloats.

Megatron dismisses it and pulls out a rather large control unit of his own. Rather smart of him, actually. At some dock, the Autobots are on an experimental hydrofoil. Paul explains it's fast. Sparkplug pilots it out. At the prison cell, Spike comes across an electromagnet. Hound and Skyfire are comically worried. "I don't have a metal body, so it's no problem for me! Megatron should've thought of that, because it's gonna cost him." badass by Spike and rather in character for Decepticons.

He turns it on and Ravage and Rumble are stuck to the wall. Hah! Spike asks if they can bash down the door. "With a smile on our lip components!" Your... what?! Well, they bash down the door and make a run for it. The hydrofoil approaches and Megatorn's not concerned. Meanwhile, Spike distracts Frenzy away from the field generator. Skyfire shoots at him and utters the lamest insult in TF history. "Come and get me, you metal-headed dumdum!" Hound fires a missile at the force field and it goes down.

"Force field down, Autobots attacking!" The hydrofoil launches onto the platform and there's a firefight. Megatron runs away and Prowl realizes he's got a remote control. Prime chases after him. "I'll take that transmitter, please!" He gets it away from Megatron, then tosses it at Megatron, who catches it. But I guess he lands wrong because it explodes. Megatron runs off and Prime orders the tankers to withdraw. Megatron sets the platform to self-destruct, which he planned to do anyway. The Decepticons flee and the Autobots are suspicious.

Prime goes back to rescue Spike, Hound and Skyfire. Skyfire sums up their situation succinctly. "We're in deep transistor parts." Prime then rips the roof open and they get out, Skyfire transforming and taking off.

Back at the dock, the Autobots meet with Paul once more. He's not sure he'll reactivate TORQ, "Not until we can make him absolutely tamper proof!" Then never, then? "You see, like all machines, TORQ is basically unreliable unless properly monitored." He says this to the Autobots...

They grumble, naturally. Paul backtracks so fast he leaves skidmarks. "But of course there are some machine types one can always count on! I'm speaking naturally of the-"

"Autobots?" Prime interrupts.

"You took the word right out of my mouth. It was in there with my foot!" Okay, good ending joke there!

ThoughtsHighly advanced machines there at Quantum Labs. Very interesting. I know G1 Earth is already more advanced than our own, but the rate of development with Autobot help is astounding.

Hear that, Movieverse Prime?

But seriously, it's kind of a stock plot here. Executed well, though. Prime kicked all kinds of ass, too. TORQ... based on Teletraan-One, perhaps? I wonder how much oil Megatron got down to his base, too. Quite a bit, methinks.

Just then the Dinobots come storming in. Prime commands them to stop the vehicles. Grimlock is awesome, as always. "We help! Hmm, always get Autobots out of messes they get into." I love him so much sometimes. They transform and do their thing. What more can be said?

People wrote:zombybunnie: N_V scares me...I no longer wish that my pants transformed Burn:Anyone notice how much of a boring party pooper N_V is? He doesn't join in the fun, he's spent the last few years with dodgy builds feeding XP to the Autobots, and he sure as heck doesn't spam. disruptor96: I forgot how insane you were.

Just then the Dinobots come storming in. Prime commands them to stop the vehicles. Grimlock is awesome, as always. "We help! Hmm, always get Autobots out of messes they get into." I love him so much sometimes. They transform and do their thing. What more can be said?

exactly. this is how i remember the dinobots. WTF season 3? WTF?

AND WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO EXIT SKYFIRE THREW HIS CROTCH?

Tell me about it. We want badass dinos, not the comic relief! As for Skyfire, I believe this is his last appearance in the series.

And now an episode I've been legit dreading to do.

Enter the NightbirdAnd exit, too? Very quickly?

We open on Ratchet welding. Then the other Autobots welding. Wheeljack explains they're detection panels for security. he hooks it up and waves his hand in front of it, setting off an alarm.

So they're functionally useless, then. They can only detect metal-which all transformers are made of-and they're plates, used for detecting flying enemies!

Cliffjumper runs up and informs Prime he's got a call from 'Doctor Fujiyama the famous scientist!'. There are so many things wrong with that sentence. Which doctor, precisely? Prime goes running off. There's an Asian man in a business suit. He bows... "Sorry to intrude, Mister Optimus Prime. I am in need of the services of you and your Autobots." Okay, except for the 'Mister' not too bad there. Prime asks why, and it's to guard his latest invention. He asks if the Decepticons can eavesdrop, and despite reassurances from Ironhide, is hesitant. Turns out it's a special robot. "At the risk of sounding boastful, it is the greatest robot ever created by man." And his head explodes from his ego... He admits it's primitive by Autobot standards, and Prime agrees to come.

The Autobots make fun. Wheeljack is first. "Imagine, Autobots playing nursemaid to an Earth robot! It's probably just a glorified windup toy!" Ouch! Prime chastises him and orders the to roll.

I love the look on Ironhide's face, there.

At the unveiling the Autobots are on guard and display their snide programming. Ratchet: "Doctor Fujiyama's doohickey's under that drape."

Wheeljack: "If it walks it probably needs a long extension cord."

Ratchet again: "Heeheehee, I wonder if batteries are included."

Wheeljack once more. "When you turn it on it'll probably blow the lights!"

Prime shuts them up. "We're here to guard the robot, not to make jokes at its expense!" Prime, remember the rockets in 'Autobot Spike'? Although to be fair, there was praise there too. He walks up to the concealed figure as Fujiyama motions and the drape is winched off.

"This, gentlemen, is the first female ninja robot. I have named her Nightbird!" By those words... there have been male ninja robots before? The scientists are in awe. Prime asks what a ninja is. It's so adorable! Spike explains the basic Hollywood version. Jazz has actually read about them! "Ninjas were deadly assassins!"

I love that Jazz read about them. That's so him!

We see the crowd of scientists. Somewhat multi-ethnic. One asks the most obvious question since "Fire bad?" Why build a robot ninja? "Isn't that rather dangerous?" Give this man the Nobel. Now. Fujiyama says Nightbird was built to show the capabilities of technology and will expand robotics, to help humanity.

Just then, the irony fairy decides to show up as the door behind Trailbreaker is blown open. He's sent flying over the crowd as Rumble and Frenzy run in, Rumble deploying his piledrivers. Frenzy fires into the crowd-several of the blasts going offscreen and you all know where I'm going with that. Jazz wants to engage, but Prime says not while there are humans who can get caught in the crossfire. Rumble's driver heads are square this time, not round.

Decepticons carve through the ceiling as the scientists flee. Laserbeak enters as the last are evacuated. Megatron bursts through the wall. "I bring you greetings, Optimus Prime. Lethal greetings!" He fires at Prime, but Bluestreak takes the hit. Megatron laughs rather creepily. Soundwave fires at Brawn, but Mirage takes him out. Meagtron takes aim. "Mirage, prepare to disappear-permanently!" Prime grapples and deflects the shot. Ironhide's pinned and Megatron shoots Prime in the back. Prime... jumps back and punches him out.

The entire ceiling is peeled away. Starscream and Thundercracker use tow cables and possibly harpoons to grab Nightbird and haul it away. Megatron returns the punch and decks Prime, and the Decepticons get away.

The Decepticons arrive... here.

I refuse to give this the dignity of a comment. Soundwave's insignia flashes and the base's hatch opens. They enter and Bombshell is seen working on Nightbird. "This is child's play compared to Decepticon transform circuits!" He rewires her, adds some microchips and triples her power. "I love warping minds for you, Megatron!"

He closes its chest and it jumps up, doing some katas. Starscream mocks Nightbird. "She looks like some earthling play puppet!" And it knocks him down with one punch. Megatron, naturally, approves. Soundwave confirms it's been programmed with its orders-to steal the World Energy Chip from the Autobots and exterminate them.

Back at the remnants of the auditorium, Prime apologizes to Fujiyama for utterly failing. Fujiyama is... rather understanding. Prime vows they'll get the robot ninja back, and Fujiyama asks it to be returned unharmed. "The technical components are irreplaceable and are needed for research.." Prime orders the wounded back to base. Ratchet gives Brawn a lift back, even. At the Ark, we actually see a security camera at the entrance... for I believe the only time. Nightbird hides in the bushes, and decides to rappel up the side of Mount Saint Hillary. Up there, we see the Autobots have built some sort of structure up there... for again, the only time. It leaps onto an elevator that Spike and Prowl are riding. Again, why?

Nightbird is inside and sneaks around. It sees the detection panels lining one hallway, glowing brightly and being about as obvious as an MP Optimus Prime in a group of movie toys. Nightbird... uses magnets in its feet and hands to climb the walls. Paging Peter Parker. It dodges past Brawn being repaired and ducks into Teletraan's main control room. It pulls out the World Energy Chip, but the lights go out! Prime knows it's an intruder! Nightbird retreats, but runs into Mirage. It kicks his ass nineteen ways from Sunday, but he manages to hit the alarm. They shine lights on it, but its hands retract and buzzsaws emerge from wrist sockets. And not the Cassetticon condor, either.

It tosses multiple blades, then spins around and emits a bright strobing light, disappearing. Prime gets the Autobots together to head after Nightbird. Ratchet stays behind to repair the rest of the Autobots. We cut to the Autobots out in the desert. They spot it on a bluff and Prime shoots it with a stun ray. They approach, but to quote Prime, "She was playing roboto-possum!" Not everything they say needs to be mechanized... It pulls out shuriken and tosses them, doing little damage put cheesing off Cliffjumper. He goes to shoot, but Prime says no. And then a lightsaber... complete with sound effect. Seriously.

Prime tires to reason with the unliving machine, but it hits him. Turns out it doesn't slice, more like a stun baton. It knocks Prime's laser rifle out of his hands and knocks him in the head. Bluestreak goes to shoot and hits its lightsaber. It takes Prime's laser rifle. The Autobots chase Nightbird to the edge of a cliff. It jumps, and disappears. Like the wind...

Jazz helps Prime to his feet and wonders why it stole its his laser rifle. "It's said the ninja always takes a part of an enemy with her. Thank goodness it was only my weapon." Been reading up on ninja, Prime? Cliffjumper gives him its lightsaber. Prime suspects Megatron.

Starscream points out it will burn out fast due to Bombshell's tinkering. Megatron retorts it will get to the base first. "It's all been programmed." Starscream continues to rant. "She's not so hot!" And now the line everyone latches onto...

"She's hot enough to replace you whenever I choose!"

Back to this later...

Back at the Ark, Ratchet discovers Nightbird stole the World Energy Chip. It apparently 'itemizes' the world's energy supplies. It... kinda makes sense the Autobots would have something like this. What do the Decepticons usually target? Energy sources. A list like that is a list of potential targets for them to hit and for the Autobots to know about.

Ironhide realizes it's Megatron. No, really? He notifies Prime. Prime's little microphone emerges from his helmet. Hound activates his infrared... which sounds like sonar. They drive into a canyon, and he gets a signal from the north. They see her at the end of the canyon and still wants to capture it unharmed.

It activates a tractor beam and gets the lightsaber back. "Not one of my better ideas." Prime charges it and dodges some slashes. We do a commercial break and Nightbird is standing there, twirling its blade before jumping away. The Autobots follow, all leaping up a cliffside... except Cliffjumper. Yes, lets get the joke over with. The one named Cliffjumper needs help up the cliff. Nightbird... scales a mountainside with its magnetic feet. Or maybe some sort of adhesive? Whatever the hell Spiderman uses? Anyway, it grabs onto a loose rock and comes tumbling down.

Prime rushes it again and Cliffjumper and Bluestreak pull their weapons. Nightbird uses more shuriken to knock their weapons away and Mirage decides to cloak and circle around. He throws Prime his rifle and he decides no more mister nice Autobot. He shoots and scores! Nightbird uses more shuriken. Seriously, they're doing nothing the Autobots. Prime wants suggestions. "And you don't need to raise your hand before you speak!" I wonder how many unruly kids spoke put in school the next day.

Bluestreak fires a missile at it but it's caught out of midair. It tosses it back at Cliffjumper, jamming up his glass gas nozzle. Jazz tries his light and sound show... but it even has blockers for that. Seriously? It's like a Mary Suetron here!

Back at the base, Megatron's ecstatic and taunts Starscream. "She's everything I've always wanted!" Starscream decks Megatron in a fit of rage. Megatron calls Thundercracker and Skywarp to grab him while Bombshell and Soundwave activate an energy cage around him. He screams, but Megatron notes it's something he rigged up for the Autobots. "Think of it as a farewell gift!" Ooh, burn!

He goes back to the Nightbird show and sees it tied up by energy beams. He realizes he's gotta go get her and the Energy Chip. He leads the Decepticons out. We see Nightbird tied up and the Chip is knocked loose. Cliffjumper goes to get it, but Megatron shoots him. The Autobots and Decepticons rush each other in a massive firefight. Seriously, no quips or snide comments. Just running and gunning.

Cliffjumper tries for the Chip again, but Bombshell flies over and grabs it. Brawn shoots it out of his mouth... tentacle... thing. Prime grabs it but Megatron pulls a gun. "Watch how my anti-matter blaster eats up energy!" That... makes no sense even for this cartoon. He shoots the net capturing Nightbird and it's free.

Back at the Decepticon base, Starscream watches the battle on the monitor, shoots a missile at the console and hits the release button. He flies out as the battle rages. Nightbird pulls some fancy moves, taking down several Autobots and even Prime. To be fair he wasn't fighting back much. Starscream fires his null-ray and shoots Nightbird in the back, disabling it. Megatron's aghast and we get a funky line. "Say goodnight to your Megatron!" I think it was supposed to be "Say goodnight to your Nightbird!" Megatron sends the rest of the Decepticons after Starscream.

The Autobots gather around Prime. He's got Nightbird and the Chip!

Back with Fujiyama. He's glad Nightbird's back. Prime's glad it's back in his possession. "Deprogrammed and neutralized." It's sealed up inside some sort of storage unit. And our final shot is...

ThoughtsSo, what is Nightbird? If you've paid any attention, you'll notice I referred to nightbird as 'it' instead of 'she'. There's my opinion right there. An impressive piece of Earth technology, upgraded by the Decepticons, but little more. One angry glare for an 'or is it?' ending does not equal sapience.

As for Megatron threatening to replace Starscream... I think it was just their usual bitching to one another. Nightbird was a useful tool to him.

And now, after ten episodes, we finally see some of the season two Transformers... sorta. Unfortunately, it's one of the worse episodes.

A Prime ProblemIt sure is...

A large earthquake rends the ground apart, revealing a large glowing chasm. Megatron, Starscream and Soundwave stand over it. Soundwave reports it's the source of strange energy and Starscream wants to go down and "Drink it dry!" Megatron stops him and reminds the scientist the energy could be unstable. Soundwave ejects an 'auto-scout' to go down there and investigate. It's a tape that unfolds into this:

Adorable!

It drives down into a field of crystals. rather beautiful. Soundwave reports and Megatron realizes they're korlonium crystals. "The most rare and dangerous form of raw energy in this Solar System!" Megatron orders the auto-scout not to make contact... just as we see it break off a chunk. It blows up. Rather impressive, too.

Starscream's never heard of them. "It's just such ignorance which forever relegates you to the ranks of underling, Starsceam!" He's got a point. The scientist didn't know about the crystals? he warns Starscream to stay back. Starscream suggests they trick Prime into leading the Autobots down there, but Megatron points out the blindingly obvious-Prime's not stupid. "At least not the real Optimus Prime!" Megatron walks up to a plateau as a rocket lands. It's infinitely better disguised than the previous one, at least.

Maybe the Constructicons pointed out some flaws from the last design?

The Autobots suddenly roll up to the crevasse. There is some indication of the passage of time, to be fair. They're in awe of the lights, all except Cliffjumper who simply wants to go down there and check it out. Prime calls for readings to be taken, first.

Starscream shouts out at him from behind. "All the danger you can handle is already here, Floptimus Prime!" Floptimus? Really??? The Decepticons attack. Skywarp, Thundercracker and Starscream surrounding Prime. He decks Skywarp, flips Thundercracker... who changes mid-motion to Starscream. "I'm sorry there are only three of you. Clobbering less than four Decepticons at a time is boring!" And as we'll see in 2005, the entire army is boring to him.

We pan back and see Megatron and Soundwave watching him on a monitor. Megatron has Laserbeak sent to target Prime. He flies off and makes a run for Prime. "Laserbeak, you tin-foiled turkey!" Prime shoots... and two blasts from Laserbeak are enough to send him flying! Okay, build more of the Cassetticons, Megatron! Prime lands in a crevasse, but Megatron orders Laserbeak to take holographic images of Prime, and not to harm him. Uh... why? Take out your nemesis! We also see an impossible camera angle of Laserbeak on the monitor, too.

Laserbeak flies over and takes scans of Prime with the camera in his head. "The fallen gladiator is very photogenic!" Creepy, thy name is Megatron... He walks over to a piece of equipment and begins "the cloning process." We see shcamatics of prime and a door slides open, letting a clone of Prime out. Soundwave... is an idiot. "It is Optimus Prime!" Didn't we go through this back in 'Ultimate Doom'? It's a perfect replica, and Megatron controls it. He puts on a helmet and begins speaking, the clone replicating his words. Kinda spooky.

A door opens and he flies out. That actually makes sense since he's a product of Decepticon technology. Jazz and Trailbreaker as if he's all right and he blames the fall. He leads them against the Decepticons and they retreat. Prime then leads them back to the Ark. Just then, the real Prime crawls out of the crevasse. There's a lovely pan around him as he stands up.

Where is everybody?

Back at the Ark, clone-Prime calls Ironhide Bumblebee and asks about Teletraan-One not responding. So Megatron doesn't know the name of one of the top Autobots. Someone he called by name in previous episodes, to boot. Ironhide's confused, and it turns out real-Prime was the last one to check out Teletraan. Clone-Prime's even punching the wrong controls. Jazz goes up to him as Spike tells Windcharger something's wrong with Prime. Windcharger asks what's going on.

Clone-Prime tries to cover, and fortunately for him the outer perimeter alarm sounds. The viewscreen shows real-Prime outside! Clone-Prime covers rather well. "He's obviously a Decepticon impostor. As soon as he's within range, shoot him down!" Rather fuelthirsty for Prime, wou;dn't you say?

The Autobots gather at the front entrance and point their weapons at real-Prime, clone-Prime ordering him to be destroyed. Ironhide steps in front of everyone, telling them not to fire until everyone's sure who's real and who's not. Smart fellow, there! real-Prime's glad everyone made it back safely. Ratchet asks where he was. He begins to explain about Laserbeak, but notices clone-Prime. "What's going on? is this some sort of game?" Spike tells him clone-Prime says clone-Prime's the real one. We get some odd double talk from them.

Bumblebee has Teletraan scan the two and nothing. "Both subjects are identical, therefore both are Optimus Prime." I don't know how far the Movie was in development at this time, but Matrix, anyone??? Spike makes me giggle withhis next line. "But there can only be one real Prime." Sword immortals are Primus born?

He says they've gotta set up some tests. Easy, ask them questions! Stuff only the real Prime would know! Instead... They go outside for some sharpshooting. Good lord, this is inane and the test reads like those old nothing but net commercials. "Hit that stone slab at the top of the cliff, then make it ricochet to that exact spot marked X, then ricochet back up to that same stone." And the loser has to watch the winner eat an energon cube.

GOOD LORD, JUST ASK THEM THE PASSWORD FOR THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One Prime goes first, doing well. Except the rocks crumble and bury the next Prime. "Well, it seems this contest is already over." Except the other Prime lifts the debris up and gets clear. "They just don't make rocky overhangs like they used to!" So now a race. Cliffjumper's almost knocked over. So much dust is raised they can't tell who won. And they reach the finish line at the same time.

Spike is me at the moment.

Back at the Ark, they're mopey about the tests. Teletraan reports energy spikes from the crystals. Ironhide says they've gotta get there and stop it. "Before the whole area explodes!" We cut to Megatron and it rurns out he's using 'energy amplifiers' to give out false readings. That's pretty smart! Back at the Ark, Ironhide gives the orders until the real Prime is found. Heh, cute. They transform and roll out. One Prime warns about traps. "We'll spring any traps that need to be sprung!" The Autobots spread out and come under fire. "Did someone mention traps?" Good line, Huffer.

Starscream gloats with Megatron, but Megatron needs the Prime clone to be given complete trust. "And to do that, he must destroy one of us!" Starscream agrees, but which one? Megatron has in mind... Starscream! Starscream balks. "I, Starscream?! Pride of the Cybertron War Academy? Never, do you hear me? Never!" He flies off, and Megatron has Laserbeak get him back. Laserbeak chases after him, but Windcharger and Spike see them exiting the base. They check out the mountainside.

Starscream is quickly brought down by Laserbeak. He re-enters the base, with Windcharger and Spike right behind. It turns out Megatron simply was going to clone Starscream and have his clone kill the other clone. Starscream's scanned and his clone emerges. "very handsome, if I say so myself. Will it be as brave as I in battle?" He puts the helmet on and clone-Starscream takes off. Spike and Windcharger follow, but Laserbeak spots them. Spike's captured as Windcharger is knocked into the crystals below!

Spike's escorted to Megatron and Megatron gloats about Windcharger's apparent demise. Spike fires back, but Megatron pays him little heed as we pan to the monitor and cut to the-

HOLY SLAG IT"S WARPATH!!!!!!! Warpath is here!

And he gets taken down by clone-Starscream. There's a general firefight. One of the clones orders Jazz to hit the deck as he aims for clone-Starscream. Starscream is a moron as he orders the clone to declare a ceasefire. He challenges Prime to a one-on-one battle. He chooses the clone, natch. There's a rather good fight between the two. Clone-Starscream does what can only be described as a Macross Missile Massacre with his lasers as-

And now Powerglide shows up!!!!!!!

Well, clone-Prime shoots clone-Starscream and he blows up, the wind scattering his ashes. Foreshadowing? Trailbreaker remarks as any Autobot admittedly would. "Listen, Autobots. This Prime just destroyed the Decepticon's number two varmint. he can't be working for Megatron!" I... legit can't see a problem with him reaching that conclusion. The other Autobots fall into line as he orders them into the crevasse. They leave the real Prime to follow the clone. Doesn't help when real-Prime says, "Trailblazer." Ooh...

Jazz hammers the point home. "The real Optimus Prime wouldn't chicken out on a little recon mission!" They walk to the crevasse, but Windcharger drives up. Ironhide assumes the crevasse is safe. Again... all evidence points that way. Windcharger transforms and informs only by transforming did he save himself. He's even got a piece of the auto-scout! He tells them they're being led into a trap and Spike is being held prisoner.

Clone-Prime waves him off and orders them into the crevasse. Bumblebee wonders about Spike. "He's unimportant! Follow me!" Uh, oh. Wrong thing to say, there. They realize who's who. "The real one would save Spike!" The Autobots shoot at him, knocking him into the crevasse and destruction.

Megatron tosses off the helmet and orders a retreat. The base takes off as the Autobots advance. Megatron opens a hatch and tosses out Spike. "He-he's dropped Spike!" And Powerglide makes his 'real' debut, transforming and saving Spike.

Spike apologizes. "I'm sorry I couldn't hang onto Megatron, guys." Say what, now?! Ironhide reassures him as Spike asks if that's really Prime. "Yes, Spike. This time I am definitely me, or I. Myself-oh, whoever I am. Put 'er there, partner." He holds out his hand and they do a shake, and then Prime pats him on the head.

ThoughtsThe TF wiki wonders why Megatron didn't use the crystals as an energy source... except he can't. it would destroy him. So he uses them in another way-to destroy the Autobots. How to lure them down? A clone. Not the most straightforward plan, but I've seen worse.

I also don't think the cloning chamber can churn out clones like an army builder. So, again, Megatron uses it the best he can. And again, I've seen worse. he gets away with the base, minimal loss of resources. Not too shabby.

The Autobots... ho, boy. Can we say morons? Yes, we can! The impostor business should've been sorted out in five minutes, not even counting a scan for the Matrix!!!

This episode begins the introduction of the season two Autobots and eventually the Decepticons, too. Stay tuned for more product placement!

The CoreWe pan out from a river and waterfall. Rather nice scenery, there. Good transition from the base of the waterfall to a cavern behind the falls, to Decepticon machinery and a rather large drill. Suddenly, the rock surrounding the drill fractures and steam vents. The drill's shut down and Hook warns them the site was unstable. The Constructicons work rather well together to seal the fracture, Long Haul bitching about hauling stuff. The crack's sealed and Megatron chews out Scavenger for not sensing the potential danger.

Above in a control console, Starscream chews Megatron out about his latest scheme. Drilling to the Earth's core to tap it for energy. "But if I succeed, Starscream-and I will-we Decepticons will possess an energy source richer than any in the galaxy!" Ah...that's not true! The sun, which you've also tapped?

Starscream plucks a convenient boulder from the wall and extends a rather large drill from his wrist socket. He drills into it to demonstrate that continued drilling will fracture the planet. A rather sound objection... except the drill's not large enough!

Megatron leads Starscream up an energy elevator to the surface, through a holographic rockface and to a hidden space bridge. That's... rather good thinking for Megatron. I cannot deny that.

We cut to a team of Autobots tooling down a road and across a dry riverbed. One of them-Sunstreaker I believe-notes something wrong. "There's supposed to be a river here!" And yeah, it's Sunstreaker. Prowl asks him if he's sure. "I can hardly be mistaken about anything as big and wet as a river." Can't fault the logic there.

They drive down and find the river diverted to the canyon-and spot Scavenger and Mixmaster. They jump down and the Autobots follow to the edge. Laserbeak passes over, flies down to the caverns and into Soundwave. he plays back the Autobot's conversation and Megatron chews the pair out for being spotted. He orders the Constructicons to the surface.

The Constructicons merge into Devastator, Megatron admiring them for a moment. He stomps off and tosses a rather large boulder at them from behind. Somehow the Autobots didn't hear him about six feet behind them...

Mirage was the only one not literally 'bowled' over, but Devastator uses eye lasers on him. He's knocked down the rockface but grabs a branch. "I may shatter when I hit, but the Decepticons will never find my pieces!" And he cloaks and falls. Devastator lands and takes out the Autobots with ease.

Back at the drill, TSarscream orders the Constructicons about as Mirage spies on them, leaving to get back to the Ark. Back at the battle, Mirage fires off a grappling hook from his arm-which he never had before-and tosses it to Sunstreaker. Jazz uses his speakers to dazzle Devastator while Mirage and Sunstreaker trip the behemoth up. And the Autobots escape.

Back at the Ark, Prime confirms their findings. Apparently the drill is large enough to shatter Earth. Hmm, well if Teletraan says it's true... Chip rolls up with a device called a 'dominator disc' that will allow them to bring Devastator under their control.

Each one is placed on a Constructicon, and Prime authorizes it. At the waterfall that night-good indication of the passage of time-Jazz, Sunstreaker and Wheeljack use wrist-mounted jets to fly down. Only Wheeljack is supposed to have that power. Jazz fires a grappling hook for Mirage, while Prowl shows how awesome he is by simply jumping down. Prime has Ironhide shoot a huge amount of liquid from his own wrists, confirming subspace compartments. It freezes the water and the drill begins overheating.

Scrapper has the Constructicons stop it, go to the surface and fix it. Sunstreaker places a disc on Bonecrusher while huddled in a hole. Prowl fixes one on Scrapper, while Mirage uses his rifle to fire a pair at Long Haul and Mixmaster. Jazz skips one across the ground onto Scavenger and Wheeljack uses his missile launcher to hit Hook. Then Prime lowers a cage from his trailer and hauls them back up.

But Starscream has them in his sights! "It's like shooting dyna-metal ducks in a beryllium barrel!" Okay, little stretch for the metaphor but it mostly works. And... Megatron stops him.

WHAT???????????

Starscream... calls Megatron a traitor. Megatron has... "Why destroy a platry six Autobots when we can eliminate them all forever?" Because that's six less you'll have to deal with?! Okay, it turns out he knows about the discs. Still... dumbass!

The Decepticons emerge as the Autobots approach. They fire and the firefight is on. The seekers take off to the air and the COnstructicons merge into Devastator. He's close to the size of the mountains and literally kicks the Autobots over, picking up Prime.

Inside Wheeljack, Chip activates the dominator discs. He glows with electricity and Prime orders him to put him down and attack the Decepticons. The Decepticons retreat and Devastator seals them inside the caverns. Ironhide wants to finish them off, but Prime says no. They're trapped and with no water so they can't drill. So... both leaders are dumb here? They head back for repairs and to mop up later.

Inside, Starscream chews Megatron out about what's happened. Megatron says he allowed the Autobots to believe they control Devastator. He shows off basically a remote override to the dominator discs. he wanted Starscream to believe the battle was real. And he stored enough water for the final drilling. That's... pretty damned good thinking, there. Starscream agrees!

Although the question is how he learned about the discs in the first place...

At the Ark, Hook is repairing Jazz. Apparently what he did was awesome by some precise welding. There are sudden quakes and Prime realizes the Decepticons are drilling again. They run out and we see Megatron is watching them through Devastator's optics. Nice! Above, Devastator unseals the cabin as the Autobots roll up and follow him inside. Wheeljack orders the drill destroyed, but Megatron activates his remote. Devastator switches sides and fires at the Autobots, sealing Chip inside a small culvert. Devastator backs them up and readies his rifle, but the earth shakes and machinery goes tumbling. Sunstreaker rescues Chip and Wheeljack and he work on the disc control. But it fries Devastator's logic circuits and he rampages.

He tosses Starscream against a control console and the drill goes haywire. Megatron orders them to the emergency space bridge. He spots Megatron fleeing and flies up through the cavern ceiling, destroying the space bridge itself. Whoops! Starscream bitches but Megatron realizes they have to stop the drill. Wheeljack suddenly emerges from the hole. "Funny, we just came to the same conclusion!" Starscream goes to shoot, but Megatron-wisely this time-stops him. "We're all in this together, now."

Prime suggests he hand over his remote to Wheeljack and they'll combine the two devices to bring Devastator under control and have him stop the drill. Starscream says not to do it and orders Devastator to attack the Autobots.Devastator... shoots him into a boulder. And now one of the more... controversial lines in the series from Megatron.

"I do this only for the benefit of my Decepticons. It grieves me that you may also profit." And Wheeljack combines the devices. Devastator breaks apart and they all turn into vehicle mode, confused. Megatron leads them to the drill and then... appears besides Prime in front of a console. "Only two minutes to the core!" Prime says it a bit more... flowery. "Two minutes 'til the Earth dies!" Mgeatron orders the COnstructicons to stop the drill.

The COnstructicons transform and... have a pep talk. It's rather cute.

Scrapper. "OKay, let's show them what we're built for!"

Scavenger. "Look, guys. If we don't make it, it was great being part of the team!"

Prime begins counting down ten seconds, then Megatron says one second and flees. Devastator reaches the drill tip and stops it, just as the Decepticons flee. Devastator breaks out of the collapses hole and asks where 'noble Megatron' is. Chip tells him and Devastator brushes him off, running away himself.

Prime kneels and asks Chip waht's wrong. "I guess I was hoping Devastator might join the Autobots for good... but that's probably just a dumb old dream."

"Hang onto your dreams, Chip. The future is built on dreams. Hang on."

Yeah, I wish Prime gave me pep talks about controlling minds.

ThoughtsOkay, seriously. Dominator discs? The hell?

Also, you'll note not many screen captures or quotes. The episode is... meh for me. Not very memorable at all, really. I just couldn't get into it too much.

The Insecticon SyndromeWe open on a forest, panning down a road. Beachcomber-making his debut-Hound, Bumblebee and Spike are tooling down it, Bumblebee having trouble. Makes sense since he's a beetle and the others are more off road. We see trees with huge chunks taken out of them. A park ranger named Jeff is with Spike. he shows them the trees. "Looks like they were chewed up."

We cut to their current lair. Turns out the trees were less filling. "You eat a forest of them, and an hour later you're out of energy again!" They transform for a snack. Back with the Autobots and Jeff, the latter expressing... disbelief. "Gigantic robot insects that eat trees? You gotta be kidding!" He says this to a giant robot that changes into a dune buggy...

We cut back to the Insecticons chewing through the forest and an older ranger spotting their destruction. He radios Jeff and Jeff... has a cell phone?

Or a satellite phone. Or an example of advancing human technology. The older ranger-Mike-tells him to meet him at the redwood slope. "Some giant figments are eating the trees!"

Jeff is incredulous. "Giant figment?!" Beachcomber has the best response. "Hey, don't let it get to you, Ranger. Insecticons probably think humans are figments, too." The Autobots transform and roll out. We cut to the Decepticons flying overhead, in search of the Insecticons. Soundwave spots the Autobots, doing a funky pose.

They land and decide to observe the Insecticons as Mike drives along. He decides he was seeing things... just as a redwood nearly crushes his vehicle! He swerves and drives off, the Insecticons chewing him out. "Human drivers!" The Autobots drive up as Mike passes them, nearly running Bumblebee off the road. Shrapnel uses that moment to fire a grenade at the Hound and the firefight is on. Bombshell takes off for a strafing run as Beachcomber leads the humans off. Kickback kicks a tree down a hill at them, forcing them into a river to the edge of a waterfall. Spike sums it up perfectly. "It's a dead end!"

The tree rolls over them... and they're falling to their deaths? The Insecticons crow about their victory, and the Decepticons fly over. "The Insecticons have done well!" Starscream is ever ready with the snark. "Yes, perhaps they should lead us!" "You test my patience, Starscream!" They land and after some almost friendly banter, Megatron makes his proposal. Down at the bottom of the falls, we learn the floating carcasses were merely holograms! The Autobots and humans hid at an overhang right below the cliff.

Bumblebee and SPike run off as Megatron asks him to help them hit the Nova Power Plant for energy. Shrapnel asks what the task is but Bombshell doesn't care, as long as energy's involved. Turns out Megatron wants help in taking the defense computer at Iron Mountain! Spike and Bumblee have overheard and they need to radio Prime.

At the Ark, Prime gets the Autobots together for the mission. Inferno makes his debut as a background character. The Autobots roll out. But, it's too late as the Decepticons and Insecticons arrive at Nova Power Plant. The human security scrambles helicopters for defense, but the Decepticons are not impressed. "Dispense with those primitive devices!" We do our best, but the helicopters are quickly routed. The Autobots transform for action! But the Decepticons return fire.

Laserbeak and Buzzsaw are shot down while Jazz and Inferno go to rescue the human pilots. A pair are trapped in their chopper, but Inferno douses them with a lot of foam. "You better stop saving us, Inferno. We're starting to foam at the mouth!"

As Skywarp and thundercracker transform, the Insecticons chew their way through to the main power core of the plant. They chow down and begin growing. Okay... how's that work? And they decide to take out Megatron. Naturally.

Outside...

Yes, he has no ears but is using a stethoscope. Soundwave hears their plans, but they burst through and grab Soundwave. Shrapnel grabs him in a full nelson and Bombshell fires a cerebro-shell into Soundwave's cranium!

Hound's group arrives, and comes under fire. Wheeljack and Ironhide are climbing power line towers... for some reason. Wheeljack sees the Insecticons burst through and the Insecticons transform, Shrapnel electrifying Ironhide's tower while Bombshell weakens Wheeljack's enough for Kickback to... okay, three guesses and the first two don't count.

And for some reason, a panel on Ironhide's arm opens up. Although the interior looks awesome!

He falls and Prime has several of the Autobots come with him while Bumblebee and... Spike cover them.

Why does Spike have a laser gun?!

Jazz and Hound help out Wheeljack while Inferno and Beachcomber helps out Ironhide. The two are loaded into Prime's trailer and they retreat. Bumblebee sums it up. "I hate fighting in reverse!" Megatron gloats as they ready to attack Iron Mountain.

Back at the Ark, reading from Teletraan indicate the energy from Nova Power is incompatible with the Insecticons' 'trilithium stomachs'. Wait, they have stomachs? They're giant robots! Jazz asks what that'll mean. They'll blow up unless an antidote is found. Wait, how is that bad? That's a good thing!

Well, we now see Iron Mountain. Fairly impressive, actually.

Looks like a bit of an upgrade with GI Joe and Autobot technology. They detect the Decepticons. Megatron tells Soundwave as soon as the Insecticons have helped them, they'll destroy the Insecticons. Not. good.

The military radios for help from the Autobots. And now we realize if the Isnsecticons blow up in Iron Mountain, that would be a bad thing.

At the base, the Decepticons are... not doing much damage to the armor plating. Shields are lowered and laser cannons extend from hidden ports, even Megatron is blown back! We cut to the Autobots rolling for Iron Mountain and Prime telling Ratchet and Wheeljack they need the antidote. We cut to them in a lab, and then to Bombshell having indigestion. "That Nova power core's giving me heartburn! That is, if I have a heart!" Megatron chews him out while Shrapnel uses his own powers to seize control or Iron Mountain's defenses and turn them against the facility.

The Autobots transform and attack. Megatron tells the Insecticons to attack while he goes for the computer. And the Insecticons kicks some skidplate, burying them in rubble. Hound is... pissed when Spike asks them if they're all right. "Just great, if you don't mind two tons of Inferno sitting on your head plates!" Prime digs himself out and then begins blasting away the rubble.

Inside, Soundwave downloads the computer files. And Megatron decides the Insecticons are useless. he goes out and tells the Decepticons to destroy them. The Decepticons... turn on him! Yeah, Bombshell planted cerebro-shells in all of them, then plants Starscream. He tries for Megatron, but it's snatched out of the air like the pebble. He crushes it and stomps on it. Bombshell spazzes out.

Megatron goes to shoot them, but Prime tackles him. Shrapnel leads the Insecticons into the facility and Bombshell orders the Decepticons to fire at them. Megatron rather calmly asks why Prime stopped them, and Prime explains about the instability. Megatron blasts the Seekers with a single shot. Ah, so that's why he's in charge. "Fools, you've flipp-flopped your circuits!"

Ratchet and Wheeljack drive up with the antidotes and Megatron agrees to help Prime. Inside Iron Mountain, Soundwave finishes downloading the data. One neat bit is his chest flashing with the data. Prime and Megatron charge in to stop them, though!

Like a pair of superheroes, there.

Spike warns about the power explosion, but Megatron blasts anyway. The Insecticons begin malfunctioning. Megatron's blasted into a wall and Prime grabs him. He forces the transformation into gun mode and loads the antidote, hitting Bombshell. Kickback grabs Soundwave, but Prime nails him. Both begin shrinking. Spike warns Shrapnel about the power overload, but he doesn't listen and summons lightning. He hits Prime, and Prime drops both Megatron and the antidote.

Spike grabs the antidote, scales Shrapnel and shoves the antidote inside. Bad. Ass! Shrapnel explodes, and the shockwave erases Soundwave's memory. Bombshell's cerebro-shells also burn out. Shrapnel's a pile of junk, but Bombshell fires something from his gun. "We're not that easy to squash, Megatron." the shell explodes over Shrapnel and tiny little energy packets fly out. "We Insecticons know how to get it together!" And the gun's muzzle flashes and Shrapnel's pieces reassemble themselves.

Starscream wanders in, dazed and confused. The Insecticons take off, the Decepticons after them. The Autobots stand outside, sharing a laugh.

ThoughtsA fun little episode, here! Good action, although that park ranger's an idiot. Insecticons are cool, and Iron Mountain. Ah, the ideas there!

What do you all think? A Delta-Six facility? Regular army? Some proto-EDC? Built with Autobot technology, no doubt.

We open on Bumblebee and new toy character Powerglide flying over the ocean, Bumblebee with a jetpack. They're heading for odd energy readings Teletraan-One is picking up. Prime indicates the mission is of utmost importance and Bumblebee... has a cute moment. "Wow, I didn't know the big guy thought that much of me." Powerglide shills himself. "Hey, you must be hot stuff, pal. Or you wouldn't be sharing the skies with old Powerglide!" He does a bit of joyriding, nearly knocking Bumblebee into the water.

He hits the energy wave and flies through, Bumblebee spotting an island. And... a pterosaur flies over. He grabs Bumblebee and Powerglide continues to shill his product while going to help. Bumblebee speaks for me. "Can't he just... save a guy without doing a c-commercial?"

Powrglide drops bombs and fires a laser at the big bird. Bumblebee crashes into a large fern and Powerglide lands. He fires what appears to be a welding beam from his forehead to repair Bumblebee's jetpack while the latter goes exploring. Bumblebee even remembers and compares the island to when the Dinobots were being built. Continuity! And we see dinosaurs there in typical 80's fashion, and a T rex comes stomping over. Powerglide transforms and Bumblebee grabs a hold for a quick escape.

Back at the Ark, Bumblebee makes his report. Spike's impressed, but Cliffjumper snarks that the Dinobots are enough problems for them. Wheeljack speaks up in their favor, saying he's been helping them with their finesse. Huffer is... Huffer, being a naysayer. "Once a dino-clutz, always a dino-clutz."

Wheeljack calls Grimlock into the room and he transforms. And now we meet Blaster!

He sounds like a deejay, basically. And he transforms into a tape deck without shrinking. He plays some static and Grimlock shoots him with his laser breath, somehow tuning him to play rock music. How this works deys even TF physics, and that is saying something!

It works at first, but Slag and Sludge transform and wander over. Prime's impressed with Grimlock's work. But Slag and Sludge stumble into Grimlock. The flames go everywhere, nearly incinerating Spike and Sparkplug. Grimlock chastises them. "Slag, Sludge, go away. Me Grimlock demonstrating finesse-whatever that means." He turns, but his huge tail destroys some equipment.

Then Snarl and Swoop transform and head into the maelstrom. Swoop rebounds off of Grimlock and they head to Teletraan-One. Seriously, get that computer a force field! Trailbreaker activates his force field and saves the mainframe. Red Alert and Inferno introdump themselves, transform and speed off to douse the flames.

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So, seriously. A Lamborghini emergency vehicle? I guess by this time, the whole 'disguise' bit for the Autobots wasn't really applicable or necessary. Ratchet and Sparkplug begin repairs, but Snarl knocks the equipment aside. Cliffjumper leads the Autobots to stop the Dinobots, but Prime stops them and tells Grimlock to lead the Dinobots. He calls his soldiers to heel and they also transform to robot mode. "Dinobots not want to make mess, Optimus Prime." Aww. Prime is... understanding. "I know, Grimlock. It's just that you Dinobots are too big to train here." We pan across the destruction as he speaks... Just then, Bumblebee walks up. And suggest the island he found for training!

Spike's still enthusiastic about it.

Outside, Ravage is prowling around just as a... rock wall opens up and the Dinobots walk out. Did they install a back door when we weren't watching? He runs to Soundwave as the latter transforms to tape deck. Prime tells them they'll stay on the island until they're fully trained. The Dinobots... don't mind. "More room to stomp!" "More room good for big Sludge!" "Swoop say whoopee, go!"

Powerglide transforms and Spike boards him. He leads the Dinobots off as Powerglide self-aggrandizes. Soundwave reports to Megatron, who knocks Starscream as he commands Soundwave to dispatch Laserbeak to follow them.

Powerglide does some stunt-flying, scaring the crap out of Spike. They pass through the energy barrier to the island, laserbeak following. Spike finishes filling his vomit bag and names it 'Dinobot Island'. The Dinobots love the place. Powerglide lands and the Dinobots feel at home. Spike's enamored.

Laserbeak flies over and lands. Some small creature crawls over to apparently attempt a mating ritual, but Laserbeak fires optic blasts and scares it away. His head-mounted camera extends as Spike... exposits about the energy sources there. For Laserbeak's benefit I imagine. Powerglide tempts fate. "Good thing those Decepti-cookoos don't know about it." And Laserbeak flies off.

The Dinobots march around, liking Dinobot Island. Powerglide notices Spike... missing. He's wandering around the unexplored and danger-filled island alone. Spike, don't be a Unicron Trilogy kid. Well, some beast flies over and grabs him, taking off and flying up to a nest with eggs larger than the beast. "What is this bird planning on hatching out of these eggs, battleships?" You can forgive Spike's hyperbole, there. But not his wandering around without Autobot escort.

Swoop flies over and saves him. Swoop warns him and Spike says he'll be careful. And a cousin of the Loch Ness monster swims over and grabs him by the collar. The great beast swims off with him, this time Powerglide flying off to help him. Grimlock decides to help him, too. Powerglide balks as Spike is tossed into the air in such manners that would kill an ordinary human. Powerglide takes Spike off the island, the Dinobots calling him 'friend'. Spike is... "I'd write, but you can't read!"

Which begs the question, can they read?

At the Decepticon base, Laserbeak arrives and plays back Spike's exposition and shows the images of the energy. Megatron decides to plunder the place, but Starscream-remembering he was a scientist-wonders about the strange energy waves. Megatron silences him and orders them to Dinobot Island!

"Swoop, do flying stuff!" Swoop does some legit precision flying through trees.

"Slag, do fire stuff!" Slag evaporates a pond without somehow fricasseeing a lizard formerly under the water.

"Snarl, do tail stuff!" Snarl whacks a boulder, hitting Sludge with the debris.

"Getting better, but still not more better enough." The dinosaurs flee as the Decepticons land, Megatron marveling at the energy and making massive boasts. Starscream's still worried, but Megatron dismisses it. Soundwave makes energon cubes. Thundercracker places one near a lava flow and the cube... shoots out a beam that takes in the energy. What are these, cubes mark 2.0?

Blitzwing! The most underrated Decepticon of all time! Hasbro, Classics-ize him NOW!

Grimlock continues praising Swoop as he flies, right over the Decepticon camp. Swoop flies back and reports about the Decepticons. Grimlock decides to kick their skidplates. They transform and stomp out!

At a nondescript town, Spike and Bumblebee are emerging from the local library, Spike with an armful of books. Bumblebee spots some sort of... vortex opening up. And a woolly mammoth emerging.

The barbarian riding it speaks gibberish and begins stampeding around. Bumblebee posits it came through a time warp. They duck inside an old building, but the mammoth knocks into it and it collapses, burying the pair.

Back on the island, the Decepticons gather up the energon cubes. The Dinobots approach, but Megatron decides not to fight them directly. He flies over dinosaurs and fires, sending them stampeding to the Dinobots. The Dinobots are at the edge of a cliff and are driven back. "Even they can't fight all of you!" The rock they're on crumbles... and they fall into tar. Guys, you could've flown... well, they're still not that bright.

ThoughtsFun episode, here. And yes, we all know how inaccurate it is concerning paleontology and it's not historically accurate... and it's an 80s cartoon and I don't care. ;P

Starscream... bad omen. Yeah. I got nothing.

But Blitzwing! I cannot wait to get to Triple Takeover and then Five Faces of Darkness! He is awesome!

Dinobot Island Part TwoAfter a short recap and narration by Victor Caroli, we begin with Megatron standing over the tar pit sealing in the DInobots. He gloats and walks off, but Starscream warns him about taking too much energy from the island. Megatron's response is succinct and well thought out. "Scientific gobbledygook, Starscream! Do as I say." yes, ignore the scientist when talking science stuff. Starscream obeys and he goes back to work gathering energy. He and Soundwave get energy from a volcano. Thrust and Ramjet make their debuts getting energy from a steam vent.

There's an earthquake and the volcano erupts. Starscream thinks... he can use this to become leader.

At the Ark, teletraan-One's been repaired. Wheeljack drops that the Dinobots are on Dinobot Island. Ratchet praises Sparkplug's help in the repairs. This is why i like the G1 humans-they can help in repairs and that kind of stuff. Sparkplug's modest, just wanting to keep up with Spike and wonders where his son is. Ironhide tells him he went to the library. Which library we don't know.

An alarm sounds and Huffer is... an ****. "What's that, more bad news?" Turns out Teletraan is picking up a time warp. In the city-which city?-and near the library! Dunn, dunn, DUNN!

Sparkplug's worried and Ratchet wonders if there's a Decepticon connection. Prime agrees and sends some Autobots to investigate. Prime leads them to roll out. Ratchet reassures Sparkplug. "We all want to help Spike."

At the city, there's a massive traffic jam as the barbarians rampage. I am curious... local authorities? Police, SWAT? The Autobots hit the traffic jam and transform. Hound picks up Bumblebee's energy signature-in the rubble. Huffer, to his credit, is the first one there to start digging. Sideswipe uses two piledrivers and digs them out. Spike praises Bumblebee, who is rather modest. "Ah, anybody'd have done the same." But not everybody's you, 'Bee.

Hound reports on where the energy disturbance is-directly ahead. Ironhide climbs onto an overturned van to get a better look and sees the woolly mammoths. The Autobots are understandably confused. "New Earth life forms?" wonders Huffer with Hound's voice. Prime's on top of things, though. "Or old ones that entered this era through that time warp."

Hound sees more of the barbarians coming through. One of them smashes a jewelry store window and grabs some stuff. Ironhide implores for action and Prime agrees. "But gently. Remember, those creatures are flash and blood, not unfeeling machines like the Decepticons." Kinda harsh... but also for the most part true.

Huffer grabs a mammoth by the tusks and begins tossing him around. Holy crap! Ironhide fires adhesive at some. We get a bad pun by Sideswipe as Sunstreaker hefts a mammoth. "I hope you packed your trunk!" Boo, hiss! Sunstreaker fires an electric shock at some barbarians while Prime transforms. He has the Autobots load them onto his trailer. Smart thinking, there! But unfortunately the time warp begins closing.

Prime declares they have to get the barbarians through. Sunstreaker shoots the time warp and... somehbow stops it from closing? Hound joins in.

So... tractor beams?! Dumping energy into the time warp to keep it from collapsing? TF physics?!

It expands and the mammoths and barbarians are herded into the time warp. It closes up. Prime and the Autobots roll out, Prime speculating on what caused it. Spike tells him to call Chip in. Which is kinda... obvious, to be honest. Back at the Ark, Chip is on a special platform in front of Teletraan-One when Perceptor and Beachcomber do introdumps. Hey, Beachcomber already had a good introduction! Perceptor transforms into microscope mode, shrinking. Another time warp's registered-but no. It's two time warps!

Out at sea, a yacht with some... fairly buxom ladies on it is motoring along.

A time warp opens up and a pirate ship appears! There's some typical pirate talk as they pull aside and board the yacht. We then cut to a motorcycle gang tooling down the road when another time warp opens up and gunslingers from the Old West show up. Their pistols sound like lasers for a second. They decide to hijack the biker's motorcycles to get away from the law. I am... yeah.

At sea, Seaspray and tracks make their debut as Cliffjumper keeps up on hydrofoils. The pirates demand the treasure and the wenches. Heh. Cliffjumper melts their swords while Tracks transforms. "I'd rather stay in my stunning auto mode, but then I couldn't do this!" He fires black-light beams at the pirates, blinding them. Rather cool shadow silhouettes there. He frees the yacht and Seaspray pushes the pirate ship back with CLiffjumper and Tracks. They push it through.

At the standoff, the bikers rev their engines and charge, scattering the gunslingers. One gunslinger jumps off and tackles a biker as Prowl, Inferno, Red Alert and Jazz pull up. One of these Autobots isn't like the others... The gunslingers freak out and ask what's next. Prowl is rather badass. "Disarmament-acid pellet style." He destroys their guns with pinpoint accuracy. Jazz deploys his speakers and the gunslingers mount up. Red Alert and Inferno herd them back to the time warp.

One thing that's actually rather cool is in each incident, the Autobots really didn't have much of a problem handling the time travelers. They're rounded up with minimal fuss and sent back through the time warp.

Back at the Ark, Chip figures out the disturbances are coming from Dinobot Island. Just then, Mount Saint Hillary begin rumbling. Prime declares they must go and repair the damage. He gives Warpath a name and introduces Smokescreen while ordering the Autobots to get jetpacks on and follow him. The top of Mount Saint Hillary opens and they fly off!

On Dinobot Island, Megatron orders more cubes but Starscream warns against it. "We have violated this island with cataclysmic results!" The earth rumbles and Starscream tells him to leave before the island explodes. Megatron brushes him off. "I don't care if the whole Earth explodes, we can always relocate!" No, you can't. Astrotrain hasn't been introduced yet!

Back at the tar pit the Dinobots sank into, the tar evaporates as they use their fire breath on it. The Dinobots break free and clean themselves off. Grimlock says the island's in danger. "Maybe the Decepticons do bad stuff to island!" Swoop is spot on, there. Slag knows how to solve this perplexing problem. "We do more badder stuff to Decepticons!" Grimlock agrees and they fly off. We cut to the Autobots landing, Prime saying if the energy's removed from the island, "the entire galaxy could crumble!" Okay, I buy the Solar System, but the galaxy? Nah.

Ironhide approaches and is spotted by the Decepticons. Prime's shot by Megatron but isn't seriously hurt. The Autobots fire and the firefight breaks out. Starscream makes the tactically obvious choice. "Attack from the sky!" Warpath fires and introdumps himself. "They don't call me Warpath because I'm gentle!" He blows Skywarp and Thundercracker out of the air before Starscream hits him with null rays.

Megatron transforms into gun mode and with one shot, splits the ground open. Beachcomber is firing weird energy from his hands. "Like I hope we don't destroy this place before we can study it. Wow!" Blitzwing attacks him from behind, but Warpath-apparently recovered from the null rays-confronts him. The fight's inconclusive as the ground fractures beneath them. There's more scenes of geological instability as the Dinobots arrive.

Sludge asks if they attack now. "Yes, but not alone!" We see dinosaurs and Grimlock approaches, firing his laser rifle. He transforms and opens his mouth. A light shines inside and somehow this inspires the dinosaurs to follow the Dinobots. What, did he steal that from Trypticon? The Dinobots transform as Slag declares they'll fight together.

Back at the firefight, the Autobots are being wiped out. The dinosaurs approach and quickly take out the Decepticons.

Ouch....

There's of course the size problems, but I don't care. Dinosaurs are fighting giant robots. Coolness defined. Megatron is ensconced by them. "If only one Decepticon survives this assault, it shall be I!" Yeah, he really cares for his troops. He makes a break for it, but runs into the Dinobots. "I saw you perish beneath the tar pits!" Grimlock shoots him down both literally and figuratively. "You wrong, and you ugly too!" Megatron calls for a retreat and the Decepticons flee.

The Autobots destroy the energon cubes and the energy released stabilizes the island. To me, that... makes sense. Prime declares the Dinobots may return with them as they fly off.

But... it does demonstrate a weakness of season two compared to season one. In season one, once we got past MTMTE we had four introductions of toys/characters-Skyfire, the Dinobots, the Insecticons and the Constructicons. Each one was introduced to sell toys, naturally. That's what drives Transformers. But... each one also had a defined origin.

Skyfire was a scientist from Cybertron buried in the Arctic.

The Dinobots were built by the Autobots as basically heavy-duty soldiers.

The Insecticons were crew aboard the Nemesis and jettisoned before it crashed into Earth.

The Constructicons-at the time-were 'built' by the Decepticons.

Here... they're just dumped in with a few 'buy my toy!' lines and that's it. And it bugs me.

But overall, I really did like this episode. Also good to see the Autobots being able to handle humans with a minimum of fuss.

The Master BuildersPowerglide is flying through the air, boasting as usual. "King of the cloud chasers, sultan of the stratosphere, ace of the air!" And Skywarp gets on his tail and fires. Powerglide... maneuvers around and blasts his starboard wing off. Da-yum! Starscream appears on his tail and manages to hit his engines, sending him crashing.

We cut... to the Ark, and we meet Hoist and Grapple!

Grapple is building a model of a solar power collector. "Here comes the sun!"

He shines a light on it and panels open up, generating energy. Hoist praises his achievement, but Grapple wonders if Prime will be impressed. "Well, if he's not impressed, I'll be de pressed. Hoist and Grapple wheel the tower through the base, getting praise from Wheeljack. Just a nice touch, there.

We come upon Prime, playing basketball with Spike. This is cool beyond words. There are literally no words to describe how cool it is to see Optimus slaggin' Prime playing basketball. "Am I drooling correctly?" "The word is dribbling, Optimus!"

And this is why G1 animated Prime is the best Optimus Prime in franchise history.

Hoist and Grapple approach and Prime lobs the ball to Spike. "Here, Spike. Compute quickly!" Spike is nearly thrown through the floor by the impact of the ball, which again is too awesome for words. Spike recovers and sees the model. "Did you guys make that slick doohickey?"

Prime becomes 20% cooler. "And just what does your doohickey do?" Grapple explains his power tower, but Hoist buts in with praise. Grapple asks permission to build a full-size tower. Prime agrees it would be a tremendous energy producer, but also gently asks how it would be defended from the Decepticons. He regretfully denies permission to build the tower. Good reasoning, there.

Teletraan-One pipes up and declares 'Condition Magenta', reporting Powerglide being shot down. Hoist and Grapple roll out to help him. There, Grapple fixes powerglide, grousing a bit. Powerglide takes off and thanks Grapple. The two roll back for home through a canyon. Grapple asks if they can build the tower without Prime's permission. Hoist's aghast, and points out they don't have the supplies to build it.

We pan up and see Scrapper looking at them, lying on his... belly plates? As Grapple realizes they can't do it. We also cut to see the other five COnstructicons looking down at them. Hoist gets worried... just as small rocks begin falling. They see the Constructicons and roll for it, but Scavenger blocks their way. They reverse and Mixmaster fills up the other end with cement. Scrapper jumps down, arms up. "Hold your fire, Autobots!" Hoist aims anyway. "And miss a chance to nail you? Never!" He and Grapple fire.

Scrapper's knocked over and Bonecrusher pushes a chunk of rock down onto them, burying Hoist and Grapple. We see them buried in rock. Scrapper lands again and says they're not enemies. "Megatron knows nothing of our meeting with you!" Hoist pulls his gun arm free, but Grapple wonders what he wants to talk about. The other COnstructicons land and Grapple asks what he wants. Scrapper says they left the Decepticons... as a camera pops out of a rock.

Okay, why is a camera installed in a rock?! Anyway, Scrapper says Megatron ignored their potential and they admired the buildings Grapple built. We pan back and see Megatron and Starscream watching them from the camera as he proposes an alliance.

Starscream calls for their heads, but Megatron says to leave them to him. Back at the canyon, Grapple asks for proof of their intentions. Scrapper frees them and the Constructicons fly off. We next see them transforming in front of the Decepticons in what I presume to be their main underwater base. Starscream and Skywarp have guns trained on them as Megatron accuses them of being traitors.

He shows them the video and Scrapper backpedals. Actually, all six of them backpedal, saying they eavesdropped on the Autobots' and heard about the tower. They help build the tower and take it over. It... makes sense, but also leaves me wondering if they're playing both sides here. Megatron likes the idea, but warns about actual betrayal. Smart, there.

Scrapper says he needs proof of their 'betrayal'. Megatron agrees. "Then you must give him my most precious possession." He then laughs... for some reason. Seriously, it's kinda creepy. Back with Hoist and Grapple, Scrapper lands and the rest of the COnstructicons pull up. Long Haul is stacked with energon cubes. Scrapper says they stole them from Megatron. They're convinced.

Over at a construction site, a foreman barks they're behind schedule. The Constructicons pull up and transform. They take a lot of the building materials and the foreman apparently has a nervous breakdown. I should also note that although the COnstructicons steal the materials, they do no collateral damage I can see.

At the site for the tower, Scrapper and Grapple look over the plans.

We see a montage of the work building the tower. It's rather neat, actually. In one scene, the proper tying method for girders is even used. Grapple's impressed, as he should be.

Back at the Ark, Prime... I'll let him describe it.

"He shoots, he scores! What a star!"

Actual dialogue, folks. I am dead-serious. The win... the win....

There's a Transformer-sized basketball court and Prime wants to be like Mike. "Watch out, Spike. I'm driving for a lay off!" He maneuvers past Tracks and...

He walks over and helps Tracks up. He needs a bit of maintenance but can't get an appointment with Hoist. Turns out he and Grapple have been gone all day. Prime sends Powerglide out to find them.

Back at the site, Scavenger asks for help with welding the joints. Ah... he's a Constructicon and can't weld joints?! He asks help from Grapple, so the two go up and Grapple shows him how to weld properly. Hook also needs some help with a panel. And I think Hook is simply feigning ignorance here. Sneaky! He orders more panels from Long Haul. "Aww, get this, bring that. I thought I was finally gonna build something!" Dude, you're a dump truck! Next time pick a different alt mode!!!

We cut to Hoist and Grapple working, and then up to Powerglide as he sees the tower. He interrupts Prime as he's rolling a basketball down his arms. Powerglide extends a camera from his nosecone and we see Grapple and Hoist with the Constructicons. Prime calls for a strike force!

At the tower... we learn a sun-focusing sphere hasn't been put up at the top. To be fair, Grapple wonders why he didn't see the problem coming. Scrapper suggests he has a solution and the Constructicons merge into Devastator. He picks up the sphere with Grapple on it and puts it on top. The tower is done!

And there's a large explosion. Megatron appears and Devastator picks them up. We cut to energon cubes being made by the literal truckload. Four hundred charged!

We cut to the Autobots rolling. They see the tower and Spike... "Man, that's so tall the top is in a different time zone than the bottom!" Spike... No sign of Grapple or Hoist. The Autobots fire lasers from their headlights-obviously an upgrade due to 'The Autobot Run' and cause some damage. The Constructicons run around the tower while Megatron calls for a regrouping. The Autobots pursue... and run right into Devastator.

Devvy fires optic blasts. Powerglide flies in but Megatron spots him with binoculars emerging from his chest. He sends Ramjet after him. They engage around Devastator and Powerglide lures Ramjet into getting clobbered by Devastator. Warpath fires shells, but Devvy reaches under the ground and grabs him.

Smokescreen rolls out around the tower, getting Devastator's attention. "Here I am, you scrap metal meatball!" He moves just as Devvy kicks him... and Scrapper gets impaled in the tower. The Autobots fire and the combiner topples, taking out him and the tower.

The Constructicons emerge, battered. Megatron calls for a retreat and they leave. Prime calls for the debris to be cleared. "Our friends may be underneath." We see the sun setting and the Autobots digging. Brawn finds the model of the tower. He continues digging and finds a sheet of metal, the pair inside. He punches it open.

Grapple and Hoist are all right, and ashamed. Prime understands, but after repairs the two will clean up the rubble-by themselves. The Autobots transform and roll out-except two.

Grapple finds the model and picks it up. "There'll be other towers to design and build, Grapple." "It was magnificent, for a little while. Wasn't it, Hoist?" And they trans form and roll out, Grapple tossing the model onto the debris.

ThoughtsThis is... a great episode. Seriously. A little iffy on Grapple and Hoist so readily believing the Constructicons, but hey. They're engineers and builders, not strategists. And I do wonder if their offer to work with Hoist and Grapple were sincere, at least in the beginning...

The two also got very deep personalities in a very short time. You really got inside their cranial units there. And I could tell they were old friends. Very nice.

Prime's reasoning for rejecting the building of the tower was sound, too. Good to see there.

And of course... the basketball. Good Primus in the Allspark that kicked ass. I don't even know why, but it did.

And now one of my favorite episodes, simply because of how balls-out insane it is.

Auto BerserkWith a title like that, how can you go wrong?

We open on a coastline and a rather cool US military base. Prime is counting down as officers look at a new weapon called the negavator.

It fires and a gantry tower is completely vaporized. Wheeljack and Ironhide are pleased. So are the officers. They take off in a chopper, but one of them reminds the other about a tape recorder. A very-familiar looking tape recorder.

The Autobots gather to congratulate Wheeljack, but Red Alert is worried. "We've had superweapons before, and Megatron's still around!" Another subtle dig there, writers?" His forehead flashes and warns of Decepticon attack! Back at the chopper, the somewhat predictable happens and Soundwave transforms. The chopper takes off in a hurry as Prime calls for the Autobots to move out. Red Alert's assigned to guard the bunker they're in, but he needs Inferno as backup. "Aww, not again! I wanna fight!" Methinks a fire engine was a poor choice for alt mode with him...

The Autobots roll out of a huge structure-seriously, this thing is multiple levels and Transformer-scale. Soundwave's there to meet them at the entrance and ejects Rumble, Ravage, frenzy and Buzzsaw-actually, it's Laserbeak. But four cassettes at a time. More proof of subspace storage?

The Cassetticons begin firing, but the Autobots rush through. However, the firepower eventually proves too much. They retreat and the entrance is collapsed. Grapple is, characteristically, morose at his bunker being damaged. But Wheeljack points out Soundwave's got a clear run at the Negavator. Prime contacts Red Alert,, though.

At the Negatavor, it begins rotating its turret and firing at Soundwave. Ah, clever, Prime! It vaporizes several rocky outcroppings, forcing Soundwave to transform to present a smaller target.

At the bunker, Red Alert channels Clint. "Come on, Soundwave. Make my day!" Inferno's antsy and wants to go topside to help out, but Red Alert tells him to stay there. At the entrance, we get a rather sad line from Grapple. "Someday I want to build something that doesn't get trashed!" And we just had The Master Builders... He and Hoist transform, Hoist extending claws to begin removing rubble. Outside, Soundwave contacts his troops and tells them to capture the Negavator.

At the bunker, the Autobots break through. Grapple is... enthusiastic. "This'll teach you to bomb my buildings!" During the fight, Prime stands guard in front of the Negavator, blocking Red Alert's shot. Soundwave orders Rumble to 'eliminate resistance!' And we get this cute snarky line. "I'm trying, Soundwave!"

Frenzy suddenly just knocks into Prime, sending him sprawling, and Rumble goes for the Nagavator. "Pop him one for me, Frenzy!" He climbs into the cockpit and targets Prime. Frenzy dodges and Rumble tries to fire, but Inferno shows up and shorts out the Negavator's controls. Prime rolls, grabs his laser rifle and apparently it has a machine gun setting.

Seriously, this mere static image can't really show the badass rate of fire here. Ironhide and Wheeljack also return fire.

"Here they come..."

"And there they go!"

Soundwave calls for a retreat, but Rumble fires a rocket back at the bunker's entrance. It twists and winds down the corridor, hitting the controls and almost killing Red Alert. Hoist hears him and helps clear off the debris. Red Alert's head is... sparking in what I presume to be a bad way. He blames Inferno, but Hoist brushes it off. The rest of the Autobots arrive and Red Alert is rather mean to Inferno. To be fair, if Inferno had stayed... not much he could've done.

Red Alert meets with Optimus and accuses Inferno of treason. Prime defends him but Red Alert declares Inferno wants his job. His head also sparks some more. Prime wants Hoist to check him out, but Red Alert brushes him off. Prime relents but tells him to get ready to return to the Ark. Red Alert takes that to mean Prime wants him out of the way, too. "It's a plot!"

The Autobots transform, with Hoist piloting the Negavator. They roll out, but Ravage is observing their progress. We cut to Megatron and Soundwave at what I presume is their main base. Megatron, for one of the only times in the series, insults Soundwave. "You incompetent fools! I must have the Negavator!" Starscream declares he'll get it.

At a canyon, the Decepticons line up as the Autobots drive through it. Rumble knocks some loose rocks down and the Autobots halt. Prime asks him to analyze and Red Alert's interior begins sparking.

Is that normal? I don't think so.

He says the way's clear and they continue on. Megatron orders an attack and Rumble begins an avalanche proper, burying Prime and Ironhide. The Decepticons rush in, sending down curtains of laser fire. Hoist and Grapple go to rescue the buries Autobots while Megatron goes for the Negavator. Smokescreen throws up a cloud of apparently magnetic smoke. The seekers get covered in it like soot. Starscream tells them to use their radar, which is rather obvious. Smokescreen transforms and fires at them and now their interiors spark. We also get some rather humorous dialogue.

"Hey, my circuit's electric blew just out!"

"Too, mine! I'm blind flying."

"Away move, before collide with me!" Ramjet and I believe Thrust hit the mountain. Starscream's vision clears. "It's clreaing! I can see-NNNOOOOO!" And he too bounces off the side of the mountain, so hard he gets stuck in mid-transform.

That is just embarrassing.

Ramjet declared he'd try to take an Autobot with him as he crashes. Prime and Ironhide are freed, but Megatron's inside the cockpit. Unfortunately, Ramjet crashes into said cockpit. Megatron then has a moment of clarity.

"I've got morons on my team!"

The Autobots charge and the Decepticons retreat. Megatron decides to leave Starscream. Prime asks Red Alert why they weren't warned and Red spirals into paranoia. His head's sparking and the Autobots realize how badly damaged he is. He rushes by them and runs off, the Autobots following. We cut briefly to Starscream declaring vengeance upon Megatron before flying off.

Red Alert runs through the forest and loses the Autobots in a city. We cut to a Lamborghini decked out in emergency colors and the Autobots give chase. Ironhide transforms and picks the car up as it stops in front of a fire. "Come on, Red. We'll take care of yah! What's the matter, can't you transform?"

A fire chief pipes up. "Hey, that's my car! Put it back where you found it!" Ironhide complies. "Aww, sorry chief! It looked like a friend of mine!" He transforms and speeds off. "No two ways about it. I gotta take that vacation!"

So... how does a fire chief afford that kind of car?

Red Alert stumbles along, and Starscream calls to him, He goes inside an abandoned building and meets him. Starscream manages to gain Red Alert's trust with some smooth words. Outside, Prime realizes their energy levels are too low and they have to get the Negavator back to base. Inside, Starscream continues laying on the words. He convinces Red Alert to help him to get the Negavator. And it seems Starscreamitis is catching as Red declares he'd be in charge!

Back at the bunker, the Autobots escort the Negavator in. We see a rather lot of ordinance-tanks, shells, the like. The Negavator is rolled into a rather secure cell, but we cut to outside as Red Alert leads Starscream to a secret entrance. We pan back and see Ravage observing the pair and transmitting the images back. The coneheads want to go stop him, but Megatron says to let them get the Negavator-then they'll get it from them.

Some time later, the Autobots emerge to once more look for Red Alert. Grapple is busy clearing away debris, too. I like that. Down below, their target is sneaking around with Starscream. They come upon a grate as a 'tunnel drone' approaches.

Red Alert designed that thing. That says so much there. He blasts a lock, but Starscream blows a hole and they escape through it, setting off alarms and sliding down into the Negavator's cell. Prime and Ironhide run off to investigate.

Red Alert uses the Negavator to blast their way out and they take an elevator up, but the Autobots are there confronting him. He declares Starscream's his partner and descends further into paranoia. Red Alert blasts a bridge. Prime tries to reason with him, but the Decepticons show up. Starscream basically oils himself as he tries to explain himself. Megatron interrupts. "You were just about to deliver the Negavator to me. Correct?" Starscream readily agrees, but Red Alert disagrees.

Starscream literally tackles him out of the cockpit, and Starscream shoots him with his null ray. Red Alert... is sane again? Megatron forces Red Alert to use the Negavator on the Autobots, but Red Alert instead activates the self-destruct. Megatron says he's bluffing, but everyone backs up...

The Autobots counterattack. Megatron tells them to attack, but the Decepticons take off. You can hear the frustration in Megatron's voice as he says, "One day, Prime!" Starscream's had it, though. "Save the oration!" as they all retreat.

Prime tells them to take cover as the Negavator explodes. The Autobots emerge, coughing with Prime... closing his eyes?

That smoky?

He realizes Red Alert's still back there. Ironhide goes, but Prime stops him and is about to go himself. But Inferno goes in, spraying foam, He find Red Alert as the bunker collapses. Red Alert says to save himself, but Inferno manages to pull him out. He's feeling better and starts to apologize, but Prime says it's his fault. The day is safe, once again!

ThoughtsGood episode, nothing too bad. I always enjoy seeing the US military-or any military-interacting and cooperating with the Autobots. Shame about the bunker being totaled, though.

Red Alert... man, thanks to this one episode everyone thinks of him as a loon. Kinda feel sorry for him, there.

MicrobotsWe pan across a jungle, and some caves. An archeologist named Merrick is digging, unearthing a vase and calling his colleague Joan over. She has blue hair. Really blue hair. Obviously influenced by pop sensation Jem and the Holograms. According to the TF wiki, Joan and Merrick are married. Aww.

Her shovel hits a metal plate. A familiar metal plate. After a fade, we see...

Joan observes it. "It looks like some sort of spacecraft." No... really? Merrick one-ups her. "The Maya didn't have spacecraft." Joan redeems herself. "I know that, but look at the strata. This thing's been here longer than the hill." And to their credit, there's definite layers in the shot. "It could be millions of years old!"

And we cut right to the Decepticon's underwater base. Soundwave gets a magic camera shot of the spacecraft and then a newscaster reporting on the news. Hmm, nothing hidden here. Megatron recognizes it's a Decepticon ship and wants something inside it. Not good!

We cut to the Ark and Perceptor. He's sweet-talking a microchip like Applejack sweet-talked Bloomberg in 'Over a Barrel'. He's in giant microscope mode, focusing in on a chip. He sees the problem-a blocked linkage. We pan out and see Ironhide on a bed and Brawn standing nearby. Ironhide needs it. "I can't remember a thing without it!" Brawn decides today to channel Huffer. "Yeah, Perceptor. There's real work to be done around here!"

Perceptor walks back to the table. "This is real work, Brawn." Which it is. Can't beat up Decepticons without being in working order! Brawn grouses some more and Perceptor eerily echoes what I just typed. "If I didn't fuss with chips, you couldn't crush Decepticons." He activates the standard 80's-cartoon enlarging/shrinking ray and the chip expands, allowing him to work on it better. Bumblebee comes in, defending Perceptor. Brawn is reall channeling Huffer, asking where Perceptor is when they have to fight.

"It takes more than muscle to fight."

"Yeah, it takes courage! Or maybe that word's not in your fancy vocabulary?" Bumblebee shows his own courage by challenging Brawn. "Aww, I'm shaking in my proton boots!" Prime comes in and tells everyone there's a mission. He tells Perceptor to finish up on Ironhide first, but Perceptor begs off, saying he's got too much work. Brawn scoffs, but Prime tells him to stay there.

On the road, Prime tells them about the discovery in South America and that Megatron wants it. Ah... how'd he know Megatron wants it? We cut to the Constructicons and other Decepticons carving a path through the jungle. Rumble and Scavenger have a lovely conversation.

"Nice scenery!"

"Yeah, let's waste it! I hate nice things."

Starscream... misses a tree. As in a stationary tree. As in the most pathetic miss in the entirety of Transformers. Rumble rips into him. "Good shot, Starscream!" "Shut up or I'll blast you, punk!" A rather large snake slithers down from a tree, though. "Hey, hold that pose! I wanna remember you that way!" And it drops down and Starscream spazzes.

Ravage is attacked by a jungle cat and is chased up a tree. He then jumps down and fires a missile. Starscream says to fly, but Megatron orders them to remain on the ground to avoid satellites. That's... rather smart. We cut to the Autobots driving and they have to 'hoof it'. Brawn asks why they don't blast through... like last time in 'Changing Gears'? It's apparently not their style. Meh, maybe the Autobots learned we need the trees for oxygen recycling? They stumble upon the Decepticon's path anyway.

And of course... how'd they get to South America? Skyfire?

They transform and roll out again. Farther ahead, Scavenger picks up the stardrive. The archeologists are about to try to board the ship when the Decepticons arrive. Thundercracker and Scavneger shoot, scaring the humans away. Megatron has them blow a hole in the side of the ship and exposes... the Heart of Cybertron! It's an energy maximizer that powered their ship-the Nemesis-all the way from Cybertron.

Megatron extracts it and has Hook install it. There's a build-up of dramatic music and... "It is done." That's it? Took two seconds! Megatron feels it, which is good as the Autobots arrive. Megatron shoots energy beams through his fingertips and scorches Prime. "Come on, Autobots! Follow your leader's orders and ATTACK!"

Ratchet and Cliffjumper weigh options. "He'll blow us away if we attack." "He'll blow us away if we just stand here! Charge!" He and Bluestreak-who came out of nowhere-are shot. All of the Autobots are taken out. Huffer even tries. "Hope I get lucky!" And his tires are shot out from under him. Smokescreen helps Prime up, who surveys the carnage. He has Smokescreen distract Megatron, who shoots blindly into the smoke-but Smokescreen catches a stray blast. Prime has all the Autobots let loose, then they blast the hill and bury the Decepticons. There's some gorgeous animation for the fight, too.

Prime calls for a status update. Only... five are operational. Ouch. The Autobots get the heck out of there. Back at the Ark, Sparkplug and Perceptor see the battered Autobots in a rather effective sweep across their ranks. Prime tells him to start with Wheeljack as Brawn lays into Perceptor for not being there. Prime bitches him out. "If I hear one more word against him you'll answer to me!" We cut to Prime and Brawn at Teletraan-One, planning. A force field won't cut it against Megatron, but better than nothing.

Back at South America, the Constructicons have dug out the Decepticons. And back to the Ark, Perceptor is busy with repairs. The lights dim and Prime walks in and informs him power's being diverted to the force field. Brawn also is an ass. "Do you have any better ideas, or is your intelligence as fleeting as your courage?" Turns out he does! Get inside Megatron and disconnect the Heart, using his transmat reduction beam to crawl inside and get the Heart out!

Transmat? Did he take a side trip to Gallifrey to pick that up?

Prime likes it. "What do you think of his intelligence now, Brawn?" "Eh, I reserve judgment."

Prime decides Brawn and Bumblebee will go with Perceptor and asks Powerglide if he can fly. "Like a bird!" If said bird was a red A-10 thunderbolt... We cut to the transmat chamber. They're shrunk and loaded onto Powerglide.

Why does this shot fill me with warmth and cheer?

Powerglide takes off and... we get the scene. We all know the scene. I'm not gonna bother transcribing or screen captures. Instead...

Powerglide cuts his jets and glides in, seeing them 'over-energized'. Oh, please! They're drunk. He launches the box with the three in it and Megatron comes to. Brawn pops the lid and they get out, running to a seam in his armor. Megatron sees Powerglide and orders the Decepticons to attack... And nothing doing. Megatron goes off himself and takes off.

Inside Perceptor reasons the Heart of Cybertron is in Megatron's chest. Also, in less than two hours the reductor beam wears off and they return to normal size. Brawn speaks for me. "Now you tell us!" Also, the inside of Megatron is funky-looking. Electro-sanitizers whiz by.

"They're protecting Megatron's body from microscopic impurities-and we're the impurities!" The Autobots beat feet modules, and Brawn decides to take initiative. He jumps... rather far, grabbing one of the sanitizers and ripping it apart. He throws the debris at two more and destroys them. They wander into the shoulder joint, around some big gears. Megatron suddenly looks at his watch-seriously, he has a watch-and pistons and gears move about. Perceptor hangs on a gear and falls off, but Brawn catches him before he's caught between two gears. "Some hero! Next time, stay home!"

Brawn, you've officially taken over Huffer's job of being an ****. Although this means there is nothing Huffer does that someone else can't do better.

At the Ark, Megatron is 100 miles away and ten minutes. Back at Megatron, they're in his neck but don't know which way to go. There's a bright light ahead and they find Megatron's brain... which actually kinda looks like a Spark.

At the Ark, the force field is ready. But it'll only last five minutes. Megatron shows up and all available Autobots are scrambled. Inside Megatron, we learn why Perceptor was against the impromptu brain surgery-if he falls, the Heart could be detonated. Brawn goes for it just as Megatron raises his arm... and a snake from hell snakes from the brain!

"What are they?"

"Brain impulses-E-vil brain impulses!"

Outside, Megatron fires and some gorgeous animation of the Autobots getting trashed. Perceptor has an idea!

Warpath fires at Megatron, but he sidesteps the shells. He fires.

Perceptor realizes Megatron's brain is relaying orders and they can hitch a ride to the Heart. They grab an e-vil brain impulse and are led right to the Heart of Cybertron.

Outside, Warpath is upended-a tech spec weakness-and Brawn goes to rip a wire. Megatron fires at the force field as Perceptor carefully disconnects the wires. The force field takes a pounding as Perceptor tries to dodge the impulses to get to the wire. And the force field's down.

Perceptor finally grabs the wire and disconnects the wire. As the Autobots run for it, they begin growing. Prime fires... and his rifle has some problem firing the whole distance before actually hitting Megatron.

The three Autobots exit Megatron's body with the Heart. Bumblebee, though, has manners. "Ah, excuse us!" Megatron retreats. Wheeljack says to stop them, but the Heart is destabilizing. Brawn chucks it into the atmosphere and Perceptor tracks it. At 2,000 miles, he shoots at it and nails it.

Ratchet snarks a bit. "Do you realize that we just saved Megatron's life?" And he'll... no. Later, during that review.

Brawn is... apologetic, in his own way. "Somebody saved all our lives!"

"Who, Brawn?"

"Ask my buddy here about it. And ask him polite because anyone who doesn't think he's a hero is gonna have to answer to me!"

ThoughtsThis is similar to Traitor, but I have less of a problem here, though. Brawn and Perceptor have no prior history like Cliffjumper and Mirage, although Brawn did turn it up past Eleven here.

Awesome to see the Nemesis, too. Nice bit of history. And I admit, humans like Merrick and Joan... I wonder about their history a little.

And now an episode that has some somewhat good moments... and some immensely stupid moments. Some of the dumbest...

Megatron's Master Plan part one

We open on a rally outside a solar power plant in 'Central City'. Rather generic name, there. Kinda disappointing since G1 has used RL locations before. The newly-elected mayor is holding an opening ceremony for the plant, donated by Shawn Berger, his campaign opponent. We cut to Berger watching the boradcast on a rather large TV for the time, said TV flanked by armed guards. "Rest assured, Mayor. My contributions have just begun." No, that's not ominous!

Back at the ceremony, Decepticons arrive. Berger says they "took the bait" and places a call. Thrust buzzes the crowd. "Let's teach them the meaning of fear!" Ramjet buzzes the plant and the solar panels shatter like glass... which actually makes sense, considering what happens next. Starscream transforms and lands. "Ignore the humans. Fill the energon cubes!" Okay, so there's onscreen evidence they ignore humans.

They hold their hands apart and... generate energon cubes themselves? An upgrade?! Soundwave must be put out. They walk up to the panels, but there's no energy to be stolen. Starscream quickly realizes what's going on and jumps back as doors retract and rather cool-looking tanks roll out.

They fire and shatter the empty cubes, the Mayor incredulous. "Berger's taken the law into his own hands-again!" He grabs a microphone from a reporter and calls for the Autobots. The tanks continue fire to little effect. Starscream fires once and all three tanks explode. And two of the drivers kinda... vanish from sight. Debris rains down as the Autobots roll in.

We cut to Berger for a moment, angry at them interfering-or as I call it, saving lives-and then back to the Autobots as they transform. Tracks doesn't though, as the COneheads transform and take off. Tracks transforms into his... flying car mode and takes off. I love that mode. He flies off and quickly gets on their tail, firing his black beam gun and nailing Dirge. Ramjet swings around and clips Tracks in the hood, sending him to the ground.

Ironhide calls for shooting STarscream, and Starscream's pinned down. he calls for Thrust, who swoops in and lays down cover fire. "Taste death, Autobots!" Smokescreen fires, nailing Thrust and scrambling his guidance system. Starscream calls for a retreat and they take off. Bumblebee dusts his hands off. "Looks like we showed them, Spike." Dude, you didn't do anything during the entire fight!

The Mayor congratulates them as the crowd cheers. And I get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Ironhide makes me smile even more. "Relax, folks. It's all in a day's work!" The Mayor decides to officially honor all the Autobots at city hall. Spike notes it's about time as the Mayor and Prime shake hands.

And somewhere Emo-Prime from Marvel weeps a little more.

Berger shuts off the TV and grouses. "If it wasn't for them, I'd be the hero!" No, your tanks were destroyed and two drivers probably dead. He tells the guards to get out. He walks to the window, then back to his desk. he picks up... okay, forget it. It's Laserbeak in tape form. Laserbeak transforms and grabs him. He shoots the window out before flying and kidnapping Berger. We do a jump cut and... it's sunset, when it was maybe early afternoon a moment ago. How long was Laserbeak flying?

Laserbeak deposits Berger on a hill overlooking Central City-and right in front of Megatron. "Greetings, Mister Berger. I trust your flight wasn't too unpleasant?" Berger threatens him and Megatron nearly blows out his ventilation system, trying not to laugh. He wants to help Berger and says he's been brainwashed by Autobot propaganda. And here we go... He says the Autobots are evil and the Decepticons are good. "Ah, the power of public relations!"

Berger, like anyone else with more than one brain cell, is incredulous. Megatron says he'll show them proof and asks that Berger share his findings. Berger, being slime, asks what's in it for him. "The entire city will be yours!" Megatron says he'll give him proof and has Dirge take him home. "My price is two cities!" Berger... *Sigh* Megatron then speaks for all of us.

"The pompous, gullible fool. He thinks he will be king, but he will never be more than a pawn!"

We cut to an oil refinery and Berger in a helicopter. The-screw it-the fake Autobots show up and produce energon cubes. Oil just kinda... flows from a pipe into one of them fake-Prime is holding. We get more **** that Berger laps up like a dog. Sorry, that's an insult to dogs. Fake-Irnohide spots the chopper and fake-Prime shoots at it. The Decepticons show up and we get a staged fight. I'm not even bothering here...

The fake-Autobots lose, naturally. Although there's some good lines. "You won't tarnish our reputation again, Prime!" And somewhere Raksha is cheering... The Decepticons land and blast the fake-Autobots and they run off. Fake-Prime yields and Megatron contacts Berger, asking if he got the footage. Fake-Wheeljack shoots and Dirge picks it up. "Let's make some home movies!" Megatron takes it to be returned to Berger.

We cut to Autobot Day! There's parade in their honor as they roll by the cheering crowds to the city hall. Sunstreaker's impressed. "I never knew humans had such exquisite taste." Prime walks up to the hall and... we cut to him and several other Autobots inside, bypassing the fact that he's too friggin' large to fit through the doors.

The Mayor begins a speech, but it's the one from the opening of the fake power plant. He begins again, but we cut to Berger threatening a technician into playing his tape. Outside, the citizens are shown the fake battle footage. Prime has too much faith in the writers the citizens. "It's an obvious fake. The people will never believe it."

There's more footage of the Decepticons spewing ****, like Wheeljack using a device to turn the Decepticons evil and such. Although admittedly, evil-laughing Prime is kinda funky. Bumblebee asks if the Mayor believe it and... armed guards flank the Mator. The Decepticons leave and the collective human IQ drops by a factor of fifty. Spike, Sparkplug and Chip go with them as... *Sigh*

At the Ark, the Autobots are rightfully angry. Bumblebee defends Spike as Prime wonders how to expose the hoax. An alarm sounds as external security detects a breach. Hmm, I guess there's something more to the camera from 'Enter the Nightbird'. There's a visual of one of Berger's tanks. Berger calls for their surrender. Cliffjumper and Ironhide wanna fight, but Prime says no. Prime says he'll only surrender to a legit law enforcement officer... and the Mayor places them all under arrest.

The Mayor isn't a legit law enforcement officer!!!

Prime surrenders and calls for the Autobots to transform and be escorted out. The Mayor wants to believe them, but there's due process. One lousy tape... A reporter polls the masses. One tape and they're all convinced they're guilty. Berger tapes a diatribe against them.

We cut to the Decepticon base as they fly out. We cut to a sports stadium and the Autobots on trial. The Decepticons land as 'evidence' is presented. It's Berger on the stand. Spike in the stands has a feeling, leaps to the ground-instead of taking a normal exit-and runs out. Soundwave sends Ravage after him. No, nothing out of the ordinary there! Ravage gets stuck in a revolving door.

Spike plays the tape and notes the Autobots never transformed, then sees the rest of the tape and Starscream removing his Prime mask. Unfortunately, Ravage arrives. Back at the trial, Chip tries to stall for time, but no go. The judge declares the Autobots guilty and they're banished from Earth and...

I am tempted to stop, but I have no choice to go on. Prime relents. We cut to a... starship. Where did it come from? Wait, Berger?! How the **** did Berger get a starship? The Autobots board and it takes off.

Chip asks where they'll go. Sparkplug wonders where his son is... several hours after he disappeared. Berger gloats as the rocket takes off. Chip cries a bit.

At the Ark, Berger and Megatron are there. Megatron accesses teletraan-One and resets the flight path from Cybertron to the sun.

ThoughtsThere are a few good things about this episode. Humanity at the beginning giving the Autobts their due, for one thing. 'Autobot Day'. It's one of the reasons I like G1 so much.

The rest...

1. How the hell does one tape convince people the Autobots are evil?!

2. How does a mayor place them under arrest?

3. How does one town sentence the Autobots to exile from Earth? Where the fu cking hell was the national government? Or any other government? Don't tell me Great Britain or the USSR or China or France wouldn't have given them sanctuary.

4. Where the hell does Berger get a starship?!

5. The Ultimate Doom. After that...

I know perceptions can be swayed by the media, but this is way too far and way too much. Where's Jeff, the park ranger? Chip's colleagues? Paul Gates from Quantum Laboratories? Professor Fujiyama the Famous Scientist? The people Ironhide and Bumblebee saved around Sherman Damn in episode two?!

So, yeah. Major, huge flaws in this episode. We'll see the results in part two!

Motto:"I'm grade-A, 100% prime-cut final boss! I'm going to take over the world any day now!"

Weapon: Multi-Function Sword

Awww, don't worry, that you're not getting replies. Just look at the view count, you've got at least a good thousand reads out of your posts.

Ahahahaha! XD

It's all true, the episode is utterly absurd, but MMP still has my favourite basic story of any episodes in the whole series. The manipulation of Berger, the framing of the Autobots and their eventual exile, and of course what we know happens in the next episode.

If this story had been given to a competent writer and given a sufficient time expansion, I would like to say it would have been one of the best Transformers stories of all time, simply because of how much happens and how it involves our planet, the various forces that get involved, and what becomes of Central City when the Autobots are out of the picture.

I hear that the new movie borrows from this heavily, though I have yet to see it. It will be interesting to see just how the two match up.

Tekka wrote:Awww, don't worry, that you're not getting replies. Just look at the view count, you've got at least a good thousand reads out of your posts.

It's a... little disheartening, but I do appreciate anyone who posts.

It's all true, the episode is utterly absurd, but MMP still has my favourite basic story of any episodes in the whole series. The manipulation of Berger, the framing of the Autobots and their eventual exile, and of course what we know happens in the next episode.

If this story had been given to a competent writer and given a sufficient time expansion, I would like to say it would have been one of the best Transformers stories of all time, simply because of how much happens and how it involves our planet, the various forces that get involved, and what becomes of Central City when the Autobots are out of the picture.

I hear that the new movie borrows from this heavily, though I have yet to see it. It will be interesting to see just how the two match up.

I agree. there's a core of a great story here. I could see this easily a five-parter like Five Faces of Darkness. But that's it. There's a good idea but bad execution.

Megatron's Master Plan Part Two

We see a parade down Central City celebrating Decepticon Day.

God, this is so wrong on so many levels...

Shawn Berger declares it Decepticon Day as children born without brain stems cheer for them. Sparkplug and Chip are rather disgusted.

Starscream's rather perplexed. "Why waste time? Let's take the city now!" "I have my reasons, which are far beyond your meager understanding!" Beyond mine, too. Chip monologues that Spike's searching for evidence of the Autobot's innocence.

"And there I was, about to be tossed against a wall for sport when the Autobots showed up and saved me from death! I only wish my partner... Jeff... I'm sorry." *Sobs*

We cut to Spike reviewing the tape of the Decepticons faking the energy raid when Ravage shows up... again. Wait, didn't we do this? Spike ducks down and lets Ravage hit himself against a monitor, electrocuting the robo-kitty. He grabs a chair to... somehow fend Ravage off as he shakes the watts off and advances again. Spike demonstrates why he's the alpha-male of TF human sidekicks by knocking a rather heavy-looking shelving unit of tapes into Ravage, pinning him down and making good his escape.

We cut to... an admittedly semi-cool scene at a teen dance of Soundwave acting as the world's most awesome boombox.

Okay. That is cool. And Laserbeak and Rumble's in on it, too.

Sorry, Starscream. You never had groupies IU.

And some moronhuman asks Laserbeak, "Laserbeak want a cracker?"

I'll let you fill in the blank on what he's thinking at this moment...

In the spaceship Berger somehow had lying around to take the Autobots offplanet, we hear Ironhide's voice. "Hey, we going anywhere, Cosmos? Or is this a tour of the stars?"

Hound defends the new toy character. "Lay off him, Ironhide. He didn't cause our problems." Ironhide shows why he's hard. ""You're right. maybe we oughtta take it out on the one who got us into this mess!" Prime defends himself, sorta. "I did what was necessary." No, no you didn't. You did bubkus, Prime. Huffer complains-and I can't fault him for it. That's how much hate I have right now for this.

Cliffjumper jumps out of his seat and runs forward to the controls. Prime finally realizes he screwed up and tells Cliffjumper to turn the ship around. But the guidance system's been jammed! Prime has Hound check their destination. Hound's missile launcher glows and... he finds out they're targeted for the Sun!

Wait, why not ask Cosmos who's outside and pointed in that direction?

Prime has Cosmos link up with Teletraan-One, but he can't interface. The ship begins glowing and the ship and Autobots are overheating. Cosmos transforms and flies into the ship. He tries his hand at the controls, but nothing. At the underwater base of the Decepticons, Berger reminds Megatron he was promised three cities. Megatron sees through the lies, though. "So, still trying to up the ante? How pathetic." His magic monitor shows the ship heading into the sun, and the Autobots sparking and shorting out. And then... destruction.

Megatron gloats, and then turns to Berger."I believe we have a press conference to attend." Oh, oh! Making sure they were out of the way! Okay, clever. The docking tower rises up and they fly out.

Back at the Mayor's office, Spike shows the videotape to the Mayor. "How could we have been so stupid?" Must... resist... Spike says they gotta bring the Autobots back, but might not be possible. We cut to a farmhouse and some kid needing a metal-colored crayon for his Megatron.

Hey, I think I had that coloring book! His parents point out the real Megatron's on TV. Yay! Wait, what? Megatron announces himself and asks for questions. One reporter speaks up. "Now that the Autobots are gone, what are your plans here on Earth?"

"I'm glad you asked-Earth germ! My plan is to conquer this mudball of a planet, and suck it dry of energy!" The reporter states the blindingly obvious. "We've been had!"

NO ****, SHERLOCK!

Megatron gloats and the crowd turns on Berger, who has the decency to look somewhat contrite. His security guards comment they've been working for a traitor. The guards storm the Decepticons, but their weapons are taken out by a single flick of Starscream's fingers. Megatron sums it up. "This city is under martial law-and I am the marshal!"

Outside, Dirge, Thrust and Ramjet decide to do some basic terrorizing. "Let us teach them a lesson in sorrow!" Ramjet plows through a building, collapsing it... and folks, aside from some cracks that might indicate it was abandoned... screw it. I think he just killed a lot of humans. He transforms, lands on the top of a skyscraper and fires indiscriminately at the streets. Thrust sideswipes another skyscraper, killing probably hundreds of people inside and dozens of people on the streets below as we get a Gory Discretion Cut to him again shooting down below. Dirge lands and just shoots.

Megatron declares this city Megatronia-One while Berger loses it, telling them of the destruction of the Autobot's ship. "They died in a cosmic funeral pyre!" Spike, Sparkplug and Chip are downcast, and Spike cries. But he decides to clear their names. He runs off, but Laserbeak and ravage are sent after him. Spike trips and loses the videotape. It's destroyed by Laserbeak.

Spike gets up as Berger... rushes, grabs a boom mike and knocks Lserbeak to the side! Spike turns on a lamp and blinds Ravage with it. Shawn asks if he's all right, but it's for naught as Megatron and the others surround them. Spike begs them not to be hurt. "And why should I want to hurt them? Healthy slaves can do much more work! And you, Berger. DO you still want your reward?"

Berger has... gone mental. "YES!"

Megatron responds in kind. "Then you shall have it-everything that you have earned."

We cut to humans working and the Decepticons running things. It's rather bleak, actually. Energon cubes are filled and even Soundwave shows off sadism. "Increase efficiency, or be terminated!" Chip and Spike are there, too. The Mayor is pulling and pushing levers for no discernible reason, too. "Megatron was true to his word. He rewarded Berger with everything he deserved." And we cut to the pathetic sop, doing the same job.

Spike is somewhat sympathetic to him, as he remembers Berger helping him. That's interrupted by Soundwave firing at them. We cut to deep space... and trailbreaker having a crowning moment of awesome.

That's him at the center, maintaining the force field. Cosmos is towing the group, but he's still locked into Teletraan-One. He can't turn from the sun! Back at the slave camp, Chip wants to make a break for it to Teletraan-One. Not sure what it can do, but hey. It's Chip. Spike runs off and pushes a large trolley of energon cubes into Rumble, giving Chip cover to roll for it. Rumble hits computer banks and is fried as the power's shut down.

Chip hits an alarm but keeps rolling. "Megatron! The immobilized human escapes!" Megatron waves him off and tells Thrust to bring him back. Chip spies a truck being loaded and rolsl up the ramp into the trailer. While rolling by he looks out a rent in the side and spots a familiar landmark. He opens the trailer up-which is actually impossible-and rolls off, waving to the driver.

So... what's the driver doing, anyway?

At the Ark, Chip accesses the guidance data and finds out that Megatron was the one to alter the flight plan and where it was sent to. He confirms the rocket's destruction. But Thrust breaks through the roof-how, I don't know. That's Ramjet's function. And even so.... all that rock and metal?

He transforms. "We miss you back at the power plant, human! Why are you here?" Thrust shoots Teletraan over Chip's anguished protests. Chip gets angry. "You... pile of reject parts!" Thrust kneels down and picks him up. "Reject part?" He then transforms and takes off. Back at the slave camp, Chip berates himself but Spike reassures him. Still, Chip's down. "Now there's no hope at all..."

And we cut right to the Autobots and Cosmos. "Hey, I got control back!" He flies back to Earth, with the Autobots in tow. Back at the camp, the humans are working. Megatron is pleased, but Soundwave detects strong energy transmissions. "Of course! From these generators, Soundwave." "Negative, Megatron. From primitive jet engines." I love how he made sure to include 'primitive' in his report. Megatron begins to order Starscream, but, "I anticipated your order, Megatron." Somewhat non-screechy voice there, too. Subtle but effective.

Air Force jets fly in. a good twenty-three by my count. The seekers, coneheads and even Blitzwing transform and take off. It's a slaughter. Oh, and for the record? There were quite a number of jets shot down with NO parachutes coming from them. Seven survive to retreat. Megatron gloats to Sparkplug, Spike and Chip. Berger rushes him but is knocked aside. "Grovel for my amusement!" Ah, so this is what a power trip looks like!

But there's a rumbling from outside... the Autobots have arrived! Megatron has a short breakdown, then rallies his troops. A firefight breaks out. Between all of them.

Spike, Sparkplug and Chip go to a hole in the wall to look out. "Who's winning, Spike?" "Guess!" We cut to the Decepticons laid low, outnumbered and outgunned. Starscream reads my mind with his next line. "It's no use. We're outnumbered!" Megatron calls for a retreat and they leave.

Ironhide frees Chip and Spike from the energon chains while outside, humanity eats humble pie in front of Prime. Berger... is a broken man. He says he'll make amends and disband his private army. Sparkplug rips into him. "Aww, that's real big of you, Berger. They all quit when they foind out what a dog lunch you are!" Dog... lunch?!

"Ah, we-well... I said I'm sorry!"

Prime says his piece. "You are going to face justice, and may it be kinder to you than it was to us." He turns and tells the Autobots to roll for home. I should note he made no gesture of forgiveness to the humans.

ThoughtsThere were some good moments here. Some. Moments. Note those. Hell, the first half of part one I loved. It's after that...

We open with a two-cockpit fighter flying through the air. I... never got this variation of the design. Back-to-back, yes. But like this?

It does some rather impressive maneuvers as Autobots and its builder, a Professor Green, look on. "The Autobots have saved this planet from the Decepticons plenty of times. Now we might be able to return the favor."

Ladies and gentlemen, someone with more brains than the collective population of Central City!

We cut to Ironhide and... Soundwave inside him in tape deck mode.

Spike Witwicky has just been absolved of his actions in episode two. He ejects Ravage, but Blaster-right next to him-partially transforms and grabs his tail. He fully transforms and pulls Ravage inside Ironhide, knocking Soundwave out who transforms.

Okay, I'll make the joke. "Rage inside the Machine!" Happy, now?

Soundwave flies off as we pan over to Starscream and Megatron. He lands and reports the completion of the plane. Starscream boasts he'll blast it, but Megatron stops him and hands him a bomb to use. "Since when has discretion mattered to us? Perhaps you're getting weak, Megatron." but he transforms and flies off.

Blaster and Ravage are shaken out as Ironhide transforms and finally cottons to what's going on. We cut to the Ultra Plane-as it's called-as Starscream flies over about two meters from it and drops the bomb onto it. And no one on ground noticed that? Ironhide ran up to them as the plane exploded, reporting the 'Con activity. Prime decides to inspect the wreckage. They roll for it!

Megatron stands on a hill overlooking them and shouts, "Now, while they're distracted!"... and we cut to a rather impressive building at EJK. Inside, the Decepticons storm it for the plane's blueprints. "Surrender the fighter blueprints and we will not hurt you." Starscream takes the direct approach. "No reason to be soft with the flesh creatures!" He runs over and grabs a scientist. "Give us the plans or be vaporized!" Methinks Starscream's squeezing a bit too hard, too, as he's grimacing in pain.

He gives up the plans and points to a vault. Soundwave extends a probe and scans. "Six feet of tungsten steel." Megatron readies his cannon, but the Autobots show up! Jazz transforms and activates his light show, Blaster approving. Mirage cloaks and, while the Decepticons are distracted, grabs Megatron's fusion cannon! Megatron grabs it back and there's a brief tussle.

Outside... Megatron is signaling for a retreat. Soundwave and Starscream follow as we learn it's a very clever holographic ruse by Hound. Okay, that was good. In the background, Mirage and Megatron continue to fight, Mirage putting up a bit of a fight before Prime leaps into the fray and literally punting Megatron through a wall. He flees while Jazz snarks. "Now that is a sight I never get tired of."

We cut to the Fun A Rama Amusement park where Bumblebee is with Carly and Spike. They're in a teacup ride and Bumblebee is a bit... perplexed. "This is supposed to be fun?" Carly opens his chest panel up and switches off his equilibrium circuits.

Something about her...

Later on, they're driving to an airport to pick up Sparkplug. This is... I like this, for some reason. Good to see the humans not entirely engaged in Great War activity. Having a life outside the Ark, so to speak. Inside we see Sparkplug in a suit.

Always did wonder what the trip was for. Korean War Reunion?

Outside, two rather familiar-looking jets are taxiing on the runway. Spike spots them and he and Bumblebee go to check it out. We see inside a hangar it's Thundercracker and Thrust. Bumblebee, having a moment of intelligence, contacts Prime for backup. They're too far away, so Prime contacts the Ark.

Unfortunately, the Ark's understaffed too. So Prime tells him to send the Dinobots. Wheeljack opens up the closet they're in... which in my fanon has been seriously pimped out and they play DnD games inside. I don't know why, either. The Dinobots are their usual selves.

"Me Grimlock no like orders!"

"Me Slag no like anything!"

"We really need your help! Why won't you give us a hand?"

"Don't know why not, so we help. This time." It's like James Dean, except with giant dinosaur robots... Wheeljack laments. "I've got to work on their personality circuits!"

At the airport-which is never given a name-the Dinobots, bless their Sparks, try to hide behind a jumbo jet. Bumblebee points out where they are and Sludge says, "We fix!" Grimlock runs forward and signals them to transform and attack. Inside, Megatron and Starscream are bickering when Snarl pushes through the hangar doors like wet tissue paper. "So much for your secret hideout, Megatron! Even the moronic Dinobots found it!" Starscream fires, for all the good it does. Slag vaporizes his arm cannon with a single blast of his fire-breath.

Outside, Blitzwing find Bumblebee. He transforms into tank mode and prepares to blow Bumblebee's head off, but Sludge knocks him offtarget and kicks him into the side of the hangar. Inside, the Decepticons are rather quickly routed with but a few swipes of Snarl's tail. Thundercracker and Thrust run out and strafe Grimlock, but Swoop flies over and nails both with bombs. They crash into the hangar, which explodes.

This... must be one of the more humiliating days for Megatron at this point.

He emerges from the rubble and i think something inside his neural net has snapped as he shouts, "Decepticons... CHARGE!" It's... god it's pathetic as the Dinobots whallop them. And mostly just stand still while doing it.

Again, I shall leave it up to everyone else to fill in the caption. Suffice it to say, he tosses Megatron into the airport terminal.

The humans cheer as the Dinobots transform back to robot mode. "Me, Grimlock, greatest warrior!" Megatron shouts out to Skywarp-who was absent during the battle-to fire, as they're vulnerable in robot mode. They fire and nail an oil tanker, which explodes and sets off a chain reaction that destroys several jumbo jets and knocks the Dinobots out.

Oh, and Spike, Carly, Bumblebee and Sparkplug are all right.

The Dinobots land in a battered heap as Megatron gloats, leading the Decepticons away. Red Alert, Inferno and Grapple pull up a few seconds later, Red Alert sadly paranoid. Inferno douses the flames while Grapple begins getting the Dinobots together and placing them on a plane. He tows it back to the Ark.

We cut to the Ark at night, and according to Jazz, six hours later with no results. Inside, Ratchet, Wheeljack and Hoist are working, Ratchet getting a feedback shock. "We'd have a better chance if we didn't have to work with these primitive tools!" Hoist pounds out some dents. "The tools on Cybertron were vastly superior."

Mirage calls up a picture of their home. "Everything was better on Cybertron. I still feel a power surge when I think about home."

It's kinda melancholy, and reminds us humans that, for all their trying to fit in-sometimes forcefully-they're still refugees far from home. Very sad, actually.

Back at the airport and the next day, Ironhide, Powerglide and Grapple begin work on repairing the damage from yesterday's battle. Grapple loads up Powerglide with bricks, who basically strafes them into position while Ironhide lays down cement. Clever! Graplle puts the roof on while Prime directs. Grapple scoffs. lowers the roof and... the building collapses. He transforms and is aghast. Foreshadowing?

We cut to the Decepticons flying. Ravage suddenly ejects and lands on the ground. Soundwave has no explanation, either. They all suddenly just fall out of the sky. Even Blitzwing. Rumble suddenly just starts bashing Megatron for no reason.

At the Ark, the Dinobots are put through tests. Swoop transforms correctly and they're all set. Prime contacts them and tells the Dinobots to move out as the Decepticons are on the rampage somewhere. Grimlock finally says no. "No! Dinobots no go. Me, Grimlock, no take orders. Never!"

Slag agrees. "Yes, yes no! Me Slag agree!" "Me Swoop no listen to Optimus Prime. Grimlock our leader!" They transform and just storm out. We cut to a power plant as Megatron has decided that 'bad energon' disrupted their systems. The Autobots roll up and transform for action! Well, except Jazz, who's stuck. Ironhide kicks him and he transforms. "Ow! Thanks, I think."

Megatron points at them, but his vocal circuits crap out. Starscream... three guesses as to what he does. He transforms, takes off-and crashes into a stack of energon cubes. Ironhide tries for liquid nitrogen, but his hand doesntr retract and he freezes over. Mirage thinks he can still become invisible, which leads to a rather hilarious scene of him running at Thundercracker and getting blasted. "Now how did he know I was there?"

Soundwave ejects Ravage, who ejects and tackles Prime into a group of oil barrels. But Ravage suddenly transforms back to tape mode. Prime picks him up and drops him into a barrel. "Thanks for transforming!" Jazz tries his light show but it shorts. Blitzwing shoots at him and collapses the ground around him, but can't stop and the ground collapses around him, but Blitzwing can't stop and rolls into the hole along with Jazz.

The fighting grounds to a halt as Megatron fires, collapsing an electrical tower around Prime. He transforms into gun mode and Starscream takes him, walking up to Prime. "I never miss at this range!" But it's all for naught as Megatron suddenly seizes up and Starscream tumbles to the ground. Megatron transforms and calls for a retreat. The Decepticons... try to fly, but are reduced to running away.

At the Ark, the Autobots are in a sorry state. Sparkplug tries his best, but he can do little. Prime rolls in and asks Perceptor what the cause is. An element known as cybertonium has depleted in their bodies. Prime says they'll simply replace it, but it's only on Cybertron. And only way to get there is the space bridge.

Spike and Carly run in with some rather convenient news. Shockwave's sending some cybertonium over the space bridge. Powerglide-holding his severed head-laments he can't get there. After some thinking, Carly realizes the Dinobots were built on Earth and don't have cybertonium in their bodies. So they're still at full strength. Teletraan-One locates them at 40 miles away. Carly tosses Sparkplug her car keys. "I've been riding with the Autobots for so long now I hope I still know how to drive."

We cut to them tooling down the desert and almost running into Grimlock's foot. Sparkplug lays it on thick. "Grimlock, we need your brilliant help!" Swoop flies down and saves them from being stepped on. Sparkplug continues, but Grimlock doesn't care. Spike tells them about the cybertronium, which Grimlock parses to be from Cybertron and he just decides to do it.

Considering the Dinobots... that made perfect sense to me.

Slag doesn't want to, but Grimlock says to do it.

We cut to a space bridge and... the COnstructicons loading the cybertronium that's arrived. Oh, there's that sinking feeling... The Dinobots charge, batting the Constructicons away. They transform into Devastator, but Scavenger is knocked aside before he can form the right arm and the Dinobots rush the space bridge. It closes and teleports them to Cybertron.

On Cybertron, the space bridge opens up and the Dinobots kicks Shockwave's skidplate.

At the Ark, Sparkplug contacts the Dinobots on Cybertron. he tells them to come back, but Grimlock says no and cuts the link. Carly decides the humans have to go there and get more cybertonium. Spike points out Prime won't let them. Carly points out he can't stop them, either. They run over to him as he's leaning against a console. "It's too... risky." And he falls over, nearly flattening them.

We cut to Spike and Carly in Carly's car. Sparkplug gives him a two-way communication device that fits over his thumb. "I feel kinda stupid talking into my thumb." Sparkplug hugs his son and I get warm inside.

Devastator is now fully assembled and standing guard at the space bridge. Carly guns it and deflects off Devastator's left foot-right into the space bridge. It closes and sends them to Cybertron. There, Shockwave is ready. As the door opens he fires...

ThoughtsA very good episode, here. Action-packed, melancholy too in places. And who didn't see the Dinobots leaving a mile away?

Also solves one problem-where did the season-two Autobots come from? They were in the Ark, as crew! As for the Constructicons... yeah.

Desertion of the Dinobots part two!The space bridge door opens on Cybertron. In the last episode, Shockwave fires and there's an explosion. This time it opens and he fires-but the car is vaporized. Carly's reaction is priceless. "That was my car, not an Autobot! Decepticreep!" Spike, having had encounters with Shockwave and about a year and a half experience with Decepticons in general, grabs her and the two run off.

Shockwave stands there for a moment-which kinda makes sense. He probably doesn't consider humans much of a threat and he might not be fast enough to track them like this. Shockwave vaporizes some computer equipment. Rather stupid of him to do, to be blunt. They hide behind a drone. "He won't blast one of his own robots." And cue... Shockwave blasting one of his own robots.

They duck into a vent and Shockwave is angry. "Miserable glitches!" Carly realizes he didn't fire and they realize they're in a sensitive part of the room. We pan back and see they're at the edge of a circular ramp leading down to a pool of energy. Carly touches a wall and gets a shock. She realizes they're inside the master computer. Spike tries to contact Teletraan-One. It works!

At the Ark, he comes through. The Autobots are... in a sorry state. Sparkplug picks up and the monitor shows a simulated picture of the environs.

Hurray! An improbable camera viewpoint that makes sense!

They're in the computer running, "most of what is still functioning up there." Powerful words, there. And down below is the power source. Carly peels open a panel to try to hack the space bridge. Gutsy! I doubt even Chip could manage that. Unfortunately there's a power flow into that panel. It hits her and she tumbles to the edge of the pit, sliding halfway down. Uh, oh! Sparks start flying and everything goes black.

There's a sudden light and Carly has a near-coronary. Turns out Spike's got a 'photon light'. Exact dialogue, folks. Why he didn't call it a 'flashlight', we'll never know. "Brighter than any flashlight on Earth." Damn... Carly tries to stand, but she twisted her ankle. Spike slides down, but as Carly points out, he can't get back up! Sparkplug contacts them and tells them of a way out at the bottom. And sure enough, there's a ladder there too! Kind of oversized for the humans, too.

They climb down and exit into a room filled with energon cubes. "Where did these energon cubes come from? I thought the planet was all out of energy!" And my theory of Megatron playing the long game has been confirmed! Sparkplug tells them to leave it.

Back to Shockwave, he contacts Megatron, who demands more cybertonium. He's also lying on the ground. Shockwave tells him the computer has to be repaired and the humans escaped. megatron threatens to have him reprogrammed to do maintenance! Oh, no! A geeky assignment! He dispatched a sentinel to take care of them.

Back with Spike and Carly, the sentinel drone rolls along.

Hmm, early ROTF design there? Spike helps Carly along to a door, where there's a control panel at their height. The hell? Spike holds the door open. A door that should've crushed him into paste and he holds it open. He closes it and it smashes the sentinel's cranium. Nice!

Sparkplug tells them he'll direct them to Wheeljack's old lab, where there's cybertonium. I love Wheeljack's old lab. Also, Carly's limp has disappeared. It's suddenly back and Spike just scoops her up into his arms. He's probably been waiting to do that for a long time, too. Carly's in awe of the planet. And we see some cool pans across their alien architecture. "How could they have ever left this?" She suddenly spots a shadow.

They get to the door and Carly opens it up. Maybe got the code from Chip? There's some thumping. Spike goes and gets a blaster about twice his size as the roof collapses and is peeled away! Spike gets a shot off, but it's Swoop! He tells them what happened. "When us Dinobots come, us capture Decepticon. Guards come. Big fight!" There's a flashback to the Dinobots fighting Decepticon sentinel drones, but being surrounded. "Soon other DInobots captured, but me get away." We see Iacon during the flashback for some reason, too.

Spike contacts Sparkplug to for directions to the cybertonium pits. Spike realizes Carly's not limping. Quick resolution to a pointless plot point! We cut to the three walking along. Carly is, naturally, in awe. "The more I see of this planet, the more I like it!" Then they come upon a set of Transformer-sized stairs and Spike's leg muscles seize up. "The more I see of it, the more tired I get!" Makes some sense. He's been around Autobot technology for a bit and has been here before. And last time was to save his father from being a slave.

Swoop shows he's the nicest Dinobot by picking them up and carrying them to a mass-transit system. It's a set of cars inside a glass tube similar to the ones we saw in the pilot. I love this show! The coordinates are 354 zeta alpha mark seven. Swoop inputs them, and I am now worried. "Everything is so huge!" Carly... I'm sorry, but really? The car stops and rotates the nose up... and then goes down. Carly and Spike get bad motion sickness while Swoop tries to be sympathetic. "Me glad me not have stomach to leave!"

The car stops, rotates again and continues on. It finally stops. Turns out the tube is blocked. They exit and Spike tries Sparkplug. No go, though. "I guess we're too deep in the planet to communicate." Swoop walks and they follow. Eventually they wander into a room filled with old robots.

Just... so cool to see these. Carly does some hypothesizing. "These must be the primitive ancestors of the Autobots! They've sure evolved over the eons." One shot of Swoop looking at them. SO... poignant to me, for some reason. They do more walking, but a blade comes out of nowhere and nicks Swoop's wing! It's an old defense system, apparently. Carly says not to activate anymore, and Spike points out they don't know how they activated that one! And as they talk, they walk past a sensor. Walls come down and begin squeezing them in. Fortunately, Swoop simply holds out his arms and punctures the walls. "Metal of good old days not so good!"

We need a Classics-style Swoop. NOW.

Missiles come out of nowhere. They duck and let them pass overhead, but they turn and double back. Spike thinks they're new, but... Swoop realizes they're the same missiles. He transforms and grabs them, taking off. Somehow the two humans manage to hang on as he does some major acrobatics. Unfortunately, the damage he got earlier in his wing is exacerbated and we see the tear widening. He's crying out in pain and drops Spike and Carly before crashing. Somehow they're not reduced to paste...

Swoop suddenly remembers he can transform. He does and fires missiles from his shoulder at the other missiles, taking them out. We cut to them coming upon an underground city. "I wonder what this place used to be." Oh... ouch. Carly finds a viewing room. And we get a short history lesson of the Great War.

An arm comes out and grabs a rather large disc. "Millions of years ago, Cybertron was a planet of peace." We see shots of vehicles, buildings, mass-transit systems. I assume those are driven vehicles, too. "Until the Decepticons, lusting for power, began a terrible war." And we see ancient Decepticons landing and starting to shoot. And orange robot gets blown in two! "Not designed for combat, the Autobots were overwhelmed and subjugated by their evil opponents." We see a shot of Ark-like starships taking off. "While many Autobots fled Cybertron, a few valiant survivors devised new tactics and launched a counteroffensive on their arch-foes. And thus began a terrible series of wars. Many times, both sides have claimed victory. But this has been short-lived. For the Autobots have overthrown Decepticon tyrants, and likewise, Decepticon treachery has toppled many a peaceful Autobot ruler."

"And to this day, the war rages on."

From what I can remember, none of that is contradicted in later episodes. And it's so... sad, too. That this civilization can come to it.

A wall suddenly explodes and Decepticon sentinels roll in, capturing the trio! For some reason, I'm rather glad the information discs were unharmed. Shockwave has them taken to the cybertonium pits. They're taken to a literal dirt pit. What that says about Cybertronian geology is best left unsaid-for now. There are guards and an electric fence surrounding the pit, with the Dinobots inside working.

Spike tries Sparkplug, but no go. He then tries Grimlock, but to quote Ironhide from Changing Gears, "You-you made him nice!" Grimlock's voice is low and without the harsh edge. "Me Grimlock cannot transform." They don't want to leave. Carly opens up Snarl's chest and somehow figures out their memory circuits have been bypassed. This... has precedent, actually. Bumblebee's memory circuits are in his chest, too. Spike asks if she can fix them. She pats him on the cheek and his blood pressure skyrockets. "Can an Autobot roll?"

She tinkers around as Spike and Swoop play-work. Swoop is grateful. "Me want to thank Carly for fixing Dinobots." "Me Sludge thank you, too." Snarl chimes in as well. "Me thank you, too." And Sludge finishes it. "Too, too." "Me Grimlock guess helping others okay." And... we have a breakthrough!" Spike has an idea for a plan and we have a huddle.

Grimlock and Spike suddenly start arguing. The Decepticons see it and contact Shockwave. Shockwave says to remove the humans and the fence is brought down. The Decepticons transform and rampage, destroying the sentinels and making a break for it. Grimlock remembers how to get out and they come to another transit tube. "But there's no car!" "Grimlock need no car!" And he scoops them up and enters.

At the Ark, Teletraan-One has somehow linked with the space bridge and directed it to near the Ark. They float up to Decepticon headquarters and Shockwave. There's a shipment of cybertonium there, too! There's a somewhat funny moment as Shockwave simply doesn't realize the Dinobots have arrived before turning and shouting, "Intruders!"

Swoop knocks him over and they rush the space bridge chamber. It's... that short. Down at Earth, there's a space bridge terminal next to the Ark. Spike and Carly are sitting pretty on a stack of cybertonium. They leap off and there's a group hug with Sparkplug. The Dinobots roar in triumph.

Later, Optimus is presenting medals to Spike and Carly, declaring them honorary Autobots. Carly is... less than enthused.

Considering what happened, can you blame her?

She kisses Spike and he babbles. Literally. It's cute!

Prime turns to the Dinobots. "As for you Dinobots... hehehe, excellent job."

If they got more of that I think they'd be less rebellious...

Slag: "Even though Dinobots not like it..."

Snarl: "We tkae orders from you, now."

Grimlock. "Until next time me Grimlock no feel like it."

ThoughtsThis episode was awesome![/nineties_kid] Seriously, some great action. The scenes on Cybertron were amazing, too. So cool to see it like this!

Also... seems like Megatron's been doing some energon-stealing and shipping offscreen, there. I always figured while he was disctracting the Autobots with his 'schemes of the week', the Decepticons we don't see were raiding other power plants and shipping the cubes to Cybertron.

And that history... just makes me so sad, sometimes.

And now for a blatant attempt to generate discussion. I'm no expert in Cybertronian technology, or even a good guesser. So what's everyone's guesses on what cybertonium does for them?

We open on a rock concert. Cold Slither is playing, I think. In the crowd is Carly-yay!-, Spike and Blaster, who in tape deck mode takes up an entire seat. Think he paid for a ticket? They love it and Spike laments the other Autobots can't hear it. "They don't gotta be." Blaster begins broadcasting the concert through Autobot signals. Cosmos hears it and loves it. Or probably just loves being noticed. "All right!" He also begins spazzing out in space.

At the Ark, we get our first glimpse of Omega Supreme. Prime is at Teletraan-One with Sparkplug, observing him on the monitor as he gets ready for target practice. Omega says he's ready, but then Blaster's music comes over the comm channel. Prime sums it up best. "My audio receptors! What is that noise?" Hoist fills him in. "Humans call is music." And Sparkplug shows his age. "Not this human!" Jazz gets down and funky. "Sounds all right to me!"

We cut to Haley Observatory.

Pretty well-equipped, there. And some guy speaking. "The Earth is but a speck on the arm of the universe." Okay, for an 80's cartoon, that is deep. Inside is an astronomer. "There must be intelligent life out there, waiting as we are to be contacted."

Dude... just drive to Oregon, or the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Plenty of intelligent non-terrestrial life to contact!

He has a device called a voltronic galaxer, which will turn his voice into 'pulsations' and transmit them into space. he speaks... and the Decepticons roar into view. Megatron speaks. "We appreciate your hospitality, Professor." And for some reason he doesn't recognize the voice. Starscream fires and blows open the roof. Megatron chews him out for his recklessness. The Professor calls for Autobot assistance as Starscream fires again. This time the plea is more succinct. "HELP!"

At the Ark, all of the Autobots except Jazz are in pain. "Blaster, decrease volume! Blaster... SHUT UP!." Optimus Prime, ladies and gentlemen... The distress call comes in, but they don't know where it came from. "All I can hear is that blasted Blaster!" They get the location and they transform and roll out. Blaster... is not apologetic at all for blocking comm lines.

At the observatory, the Professor is trying to stop the Decepticons, with predictable results. "Get off before you lose more than your machine!" Megatron picks the galaxer up and the Professor goes tumbling. The Decepticons leave and we have Astrotrain's first appearance on a train track as Megatron places the galaxer inside him. He rolls along, enters a tunnel and emerges as a space shuttle, flying into space.

We cut to the Autobots finally arriving at the still-smoking observatory. The Professor tells them they're too late. Prime wonders what they'd want with it. He promises they'll get it back for him. They drive off, and we cut to the Ark. There, Prime contacts several teams out in the field.

First is Huffer and Tracks, standing on top of buildings somewhere. Nothing from them. Prime then contacts Powerglide and Spike. They're circling over some city. Carly's there, too. And according to her, they've been halfway around the hemisphere. Cosmos is flying around space with Blaster aboard. "I can't even get a bottom 40 station out here!! Cosmos sums up my feelings. "Quit complaining." Blaster transforms and mans a periscope-like sensor, homing in on the Moon. He unfortunately misses the ruins of the moon Kingdom but spots a Decepticon base set up there.

Inside, Megatron is working. Cosmos switches off his engines... which makes no sense. What, the noise? And if he wanted to save fuel, he should've done that earlier. He lands as Megatron exposits that the galaxer will jam the airwaves. He suddenly spots Cosmos outside and radios Astrotrain. Cosmos takes off, but it's no good. COsmos scores several clean hits on Astrotrain, but they literally glance off his armor. Astrotrain maneuvers and snares the little green saucer in a tractor beam. "Cant you do anything?" "Not anymore!"

Inside the base, Megatron beats up on Blaster before shoving him to the wall and having Astrotrain literally weld him there. "He will make an excellent trans-scrambler!" We also see COsmos mounted to the wall ."And this otherwise useless piece of scrap will serve as a power booster." Taking lessons from Scrapper, it seems.

The machinery inside powers up and we get a rather crazy light show as electricity arcs around and envelopes Earth itself!

At an airport, planes are landing and receiving instructions, but static fills the airwaves! Two jumbo jets almost collide and there's a near-collision on the ground. We see Powerglide telling Spike to radio for landing clearance. As I've said, it's the little details that count. SPike can't get through. Carly sees the chaos down below. Powerglide assists a plane in landing.

We cut to a forest and train track with a tree toppled onto it. Workers are trying to get the tree off the tracks, but it's tough. A train appears. "Must be the 10:40 out of Croughton(sp) Falls!" They try to call them, but the signal's blocked. A steam engine-which explains Astrotrain-hits the log and explodes rather spectacularly.

Inferno and Red Alert are rolling along, Red Alert being paranoid as usual. *Sigh* I guess his circuits never got properly reset. They see the fire and roll off to combat it. Red Alert, in a moment of extreme stupidity, fires his laser pistol at the fire. "I'll knock out the fire!" Instead, he cuts a tree down, which also catches on fire. Inferno douses it while Red continues firing.

On the radio the workers were holding, Megatron's voice comes through. Red Alert's warning sensors also flash and seekers attack.

We cut to a man at a computer terminal in some snowy location. We see the computer's screen is blank. "Ah, gimme a forecast, not a blank look!" Okay, clever. I think it's a radio station or some sort of ranger station, as he tries to radio a warning to motorists to stay off mountain roads. It's not heard as we see cars stranded in the drifts. As a New Englander, I empathize fully.

At the Ark, Prime pulls in down a corridor I'm not sure we've seen before. Even Teletraan's gone dead. Sparkplug wonders what they'll do. The Autobots' response? "Transform and roll for it!" Great plan, guys! No wonder you were in the verge of extinction when the series started! Where the hell's a good Picard facepalm when I need it?

On the snowy road, several Autobots pull up. They extend studs from their tires and begin helping out. One car almost falls off a cliff before Hoist grabs it with one of his vehicle extension claws and saves his life. The humans are freed and placed into Ratchet's ambulance mode. Trailbreaker saves a car from being buried with his force field, even. Megatron's voice comes over the airwaves again as Thundercracker and Ramjet attack. The Autobots are quickly routed.

On the Moon, Megatron gloats and says he's the one who controls the airwaves. At an airport, we see Prime actually acting as a traffic controller when he's ambushed and attacked. Powerglide's even shout out of the air-with Spike and Carly aboard! Carly grabs some 'emergency jetpacks and Spike manages to open the door, not be whipped out by the airspeed and place them on Powerglide's chassis. They fire and he manages not to crash into a tower.

Megatron's voice comes over again. "Earthlings, I will return your airwaves to you for a price! Listen carefully." On the moon, Blaster manages to hit one of his tape controls. "In exchange for your airwaves, I want ALL of your energy reserves! I want your coal, your oil, your gas, your electricity-all of it! And then, only then will I return your airwaves to you!"

Those airwaves would prove pretty useless without a power source, methinks.

Over the demands, we hear the rock music from earlier. Carly slips a card into Powerglide's console and somehow that enables them to track the signal to the Moon. Could they not have done with with Megatron's earlier rant? Powerglide can't make it to the Moon, though. he does circle back and pick up Prime with a towline. No harpoon, though.

This really wanna be how you're carrying a critically-injured teammate?

His jetpack begins running out of fuel, so he heads for an alternate route. At the anowy road, the Autobots manage to shake off the snow and hear Blaster's signal. Trailbreaker says something... odd. "That son of an eight-track!" How the hell would he know what an eight-track is?! They roll out to get the humans to safety.

It turns out Powerglide was able to make it to Omega Supreme. There, Spike shows the limit of even his knowledge of Autobot anatomy. They put some emergency parts into Prime that hopefully can act as emergency repairs until Ratchet can look him over. Powerglide figures if Blaster's on the Moon, so is Megatron. Omega declares they must go to the Moon to rescue their comrades. They load up Prime and Spike and Carly are now wearing spacesuits. Meh, there might've been enough time for them to get them on. Carly's enthusiastic. "I've never been to the moon before!"

As an aside, the tf wiki rips into Carly for daring to show enthusiasm about going to our nearest neighbor. Look under the continuity notes. Seriously, this is a problem? I need a Pinkie Pie image-STAT!

Omega takes off, leaving behind the tank, track and base portion of himself. Don't worry, folks. They'll be along shortly! Man, he makes 'where does the trailer go?' seem as easy as one plus one!

On the Moon, Megatron is... well, he's gone into rant mode apparently. He hears Blaster's music and literally kicks Blaster in the head. He points his fusion cannon at Blaster. "Equalize this!" At that moment, there's a large explosion and part of the roof caves in. He spies Omega outside and orders them stopped.

Omega lands and... his entire mass just appears literally in a cloud of smoke. Prime is offloaded, too. Spike and Carly run to a crater as Omega transforms. He demands the Autobots be released. "Never!" Omega... picks him up.

I have a feeling Megatron is thinking at this moment, "No, I didn't have to follow the Ark! I could've stayed on Cybertron, solidified my hold on the planet and turn it into an engine of war! The pit was I thinking??!!!!!"

Astrotrain talks some smack. "Looks like the big boy needs a little training!" He transforms into train mode and hits Omega in the foot, knocking him off-balance. Omega transforms into rocket/base mode and chases after him.

Meanwhile, Megatron stands over Prime's chassis. "Parting is such sweet sorrow!" He kicks him, but Prime grabs him and flips him. There's a fight.

Megatron retreats, but the Autobots have to save their comrades. Prime pulls away the restraints and frees Blaster and Cosmos. Blaster... I think he suggests converting this base into an Autobot outpost. Blaster points out he did save the day, and Prime retorts in a roundabout way he also prevented a timely receiving of the distress call from earlier in the episode.

ThoughtsWell... not a really bad episode. Blaster was annoying as all hell, though. And nearly cost them the fight. I have a feeling while Megatron was making his demands, Soundwave, rumble, Frenzy and Ravage were busy in the Sahara, getting a shipment of energon cubes ready for Cybertron.

Also, the professor really ought to go on a scenic trip of rural Oregon...

A Decepticon Raider in King Arthur's CourtStarring Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Episode!

...

Okay, I'll try to keep the Holy Grail jokes to a minimum. But I also have a feeling after this, the Autobots watched the movie and some of them gained an undying love for Monty Python. Okay, all of them. Especially Optimus.

We open on a Stonehenge-like structure. Not necessarily Stonehenge because there are more than that particular Standing Stone structure. But it definitely is Britain, which is rather refreshing. We see Starscream, Ramjet, Rumble and Ravage on a hill and they're running out of power. Ramjet transforms and rolls along the ground, hitting Warpath and glancing off rather pathetically. He flies back and knocks everyone down to the stones. "I just changed heads last week!" So, so many things wrong there... and also right.

Starscream calls for a rather sensible retreat, but Rumble detects energy. They go inside a room, with Warpath following. He collapses the entrance and probably gains the everlasting hatred of the local Preservation Society. Inside, there's a glowing energy sphere, but Starscream doesn't care. "What is this place?" "Our tomb." Rumble detects the energy and runs his hand along some runic symbols before Starscream brushes him aside and lights the symbols up.

Outside, we see a ridiculously tiny Hoist and a giant Warpath.

Warpath, the boulder is literally half your size. Pick it up and give mini-Hoist a hand! Inside, Starascream activates... something. There's a bright beam of light, and the entrance is cleared and the Autobots are gone! The Decepticons walk out, but are spied by a young woman, who calls them 'armored giant knights'. And we learn the structure is called the Dragon Mound. The Decepticons walk along the pastoral English countryside, but Rumble spots trouble ahead. "There's some kind of weird-looking Autobots! And they're attacking... me!!!"

And we see two knights in plate armor on horseback. "A spy from the Red knight! Charge!" And true to their word, they charge. Starscream and Ramjet leap up and we get this little scene.

It'd be humiliating if it wasn't funny, or the Dark Ages. "Hah! Inferior construction, even for an Autobot!" One of the knights takes off his helmet and Starscream takes it. "Not Autobots, but humans pretending to be robots!" We get an introduction. The leader is Sir Wigund de Blackthorne. Rumble hands back his helmet. "Interesting technology, but not very modern." There was almost a hint of... admiration in his voice?

Wigund says it was made this year-543 anno domini. Starscream realizes the room was a time machine. Great Scott! He decides to help Wigund as we see the young lady from before still spying. She goes to warn her father, but steps on a convenient branch. Seriously, get the park service out there to clean that up! Ravage hears it and Starscream asks... and I am not kidding, "What is it, Ravage?"

What, Timmy fell down the well again? In the mine? In Winter? Primus, I'm only four minutes into the episode!

The knights and Ravage chase after her while Starscream sets us up the temporal paradox. "What's more important is that we have one thousand, four hundred and fifty-one years to go before we have to worry about the Autobots and that bungler, Megatron." Actually, it's one thousand, four hundred and thirty-one years, Screamer, but we'll let that slide since you're low on energon.

The lady goes into a ticket, but Ravage brushes by the brambles. She's out of breath-and then slams into Spike. The hell did he come from?! Ravage goes to tackle them, but Spike and the lady duck and Ravage bounces off an emerging Warpath. Hoist emerges, too. She drags Spike away before some dragon returns and Warpath... "She must mean Starscream." Actually understandable. Hoist observes the lady's dress and his databank dates her costume to 542 AD. "Fashion is always a year behind Camelot out here in the countryside." Spike kisses her hand out of nowhere and she finally gives her name of Nimue, which was the name of a character who fell in love with Merlin, apparently.

She asks for help against the giant knights and the Autobots agree, transforming. She rather takes it in stride of the giant shapeshifting machines and climbs in. We cut to a castle and a training ground. Hoist is talking with Nimue's father, Sir Aetheling the Red, telling him he needs help. Spike pipes up and says he needs help, too. The armor he needs for a tournament is ill-fitting and bulky, though. Hoist does a scan of Spike's proportions.

He picks up a piece of metal and begins welding a suit of armor. We also learn why Wigund's feuding. His cows wandered through a hole in the fence and devoured Aetheling's garden. The tournament is an excuse to get Wigund there to settle things peacefully. And Hoist's armor is ready. But he's also getting low on energy. Nimue gives him a cloth, says he'll be her champion on the field of honor and kisses him. Does it really count as cheating if your girlfriend won't be born for another 1,400 years?

The next day is the tournament. Aetheling wants to see reason as Spike does some practice. I have a feeling this is the first time he's ever been on a horse. Bonus points for Hoist using his own crane to lower him onto the horse. Spike tries as Nimue cheers him on, but he's knocked off. "Some champion." His horse walks off, him holding onto the tail.

Aetheling approaches Wigund, but Wigund's not making it easy. He declares war and shows his champions. Sir Rumble and Sir Ramjet. Ramjet transforms and Rumble hops on. Hoist and Warpath roll off, too. Aetheling is raised onto Warpath's turret, and we also learn Warpath has no more power for lasers. Starscream's aghast that the Autobots are there as the two champions roll for it! Ramjet's nosecone is compacted and Rumble's tossed through his cockpit. "My nose! You're ruined my nose!"

I actually agree with the TF wiki when they point out that Ramjet probably wasn't designed for head-on collisions with Autobot tanks. Nimue cheers him on and chews out Wigund. Starscream loses it, grabs Nimue and tells Aetheling to surrender or he'll never see her again. He transforms and rolls out, brave, brave Sir Starscream! When danger reared its ugly head he and oh god I'm sorry.

Aetheling and Spike chase after him on horseback. Hoist and Warpath try to sandwich him, but miss and crash into each other. Ramjet-with a fully repaired nosecone and cockpit-wonders why Starscream can still fly, but he can't as his wheels leave the ground briefly before going back down again. Warpath's so low on energy he can't stay transformed. An owl flies overhead and then goes to a wizard-type fellow. I think his name is... Tim, the Enchanter. We learn the owl's name is Solomon. Solomon hoots and apparently Tim can understand him. "Make some idiot twenty feet tall and he thinks he rules the Earth."

At Wigund's castle, Nimue is locked up as Wigund protests. Starscream tells him to shut up, but he's so low on energy he can't stand up. One of Wigund's subordinates gives Starscream s chest of gold, apparently from Wigund's grandmother. Wigund grabs it and presses it into gold. We cut to slaves on a wheel of pain, turning it to generate power for the Decepticons. Starscream takes his time in it.

At Aetheling's castle, Spike berates himself. Warpath tells him it wasn't his fault, then encourages Spike to go off and see what he can do about rescuing Nimue! Warpath, you idiot! We cut to Wigund's castle as Starscream is still charging himself up. He steps out and sees charcoal being made, and tells Ramjet to get rock salt. He wants Rumble to get sulfur and Rumble points out they need potassium nitrate, too. I wonder whatever for! A pigeon makes a deposit on Starscream's head and I nearly die laughing as he sends Rumble to also get the nitrate. "Me and my big mouth."

We see Nimue in her cell. Wigund COmes in to try and explain himself, but Nimue will have none of it. Understandable, considering what's happened. And it turns out Wigund... agrees with her. He'll do his best to change and even flirts her! We see Spike climbing up the side of Swamp Castle, falling back to the moat and losing the armor with the quick-release hinges to float back up. Well, Hoist made it so I wouldn't be surprised.

The drawbridge is lowered and Rumble enters with the nitrate.

So, Rumble's not a king, then? Ramjet greets him at the entrance with the most adorable greeting. "Great work, little buddy!" The other ingredients are ready. Spike overhears him and I think he figures out that Starscream has mixed up gunpowder.

Spike finally climbs up to the tower... and Nimue and Wigund are getting married. Ouch. We cut to Aetheling's forces advancing, but Starscream's prepared as catapults launch Trojan rabbits explosives. Siege towers are destroyed, but Hoist and Warpath volunteer their services. Hoist makes a good drawbridge. Inside, Wigund asks Wulfe-the one who gave Starscream the gold earlier-for help, but Wulfe tosses Wigund into the moat. Spike challenges him with a chair, but Wulfe draws his sword... only to get clocked by Nimue from behind. "Actually, the pleasure was all mine." So... we got the sad trombone from Pinkie Pie yet?

Hoist becomes a siege tower, even for Warpath as he climbs up and duels with Ramjet. Warpath fires a shell-not a laser-but is quickly knocked aside by the comparatively-recharged Ramjet, back down to Hoist. Both Autobots are critically low on energy. At the castle, Ravage charges Spike, but Solomon flies down and distracts the cat. He flies back to Tim as Wigund and Aetheling tell him they need energy. Starscream stands on the parapets and declares himself ruler, but Tim decides to use his 'magic'.

Starscream brushes him off. "Foolish human! Magic can never defeat science!" Ooh, you never say that, Screamer! Tim raises his hands and lightning crashes and his staff glows. Golden light envelopes the Autobots and recharges them. Not enough for weapons, but enough so they can transform. Ramjet and Tumble wheel the dynamo into position, but the Autobots crash through the walls. Hoist launches a grappling hook that wraps around RUmble, Ramjet and the dynamo, wheeling off and flinging it into a wall.

Later on, Wigund grabs a coil of gold wire and turns it into an impromptu wedding ring for Nimue. Aww. Spike is a bit disappointed but Warpath has some advice. "Better luck next time, pal." Like with the woman from your own time period? We see the Decepticons in sorry state.

Hoist realizes he's gotta take them back... to the future! Tim realizes they're time travelers and takes them back to the Dragon Mound. Turns out Tim built it, but a wandering dragon made it his home. Spike comments they didn't see a dragon. "That's because he's been out, visiting relatives." And we hear a roar and see a jet of flame. Starscream is basically oiling himself. Warpath trusts the wizard, though. Fortunately', he's got a full load of dragon's bane! Turns out it's gunpowder. The bag explodes and the dragon leaves.

We see the knights and lady waving goodbye as the the time travelers enter the Mound, then leave. Hoist asks the obvious question. "What do you think? Are we back?" A laser blast answers that question as Megatron spots Megatron and tackles him. "We're back! We're back!" Megatron has... no idea what he's talking about. "Starscream, you fool! You ruined my shot!" Warpath, Hoist and Spike race off.

Starscream embarrasses himself even more. "What's the matter? Aren't you glad to see us?" And the final shot is Megatron suffering several blown fuses.

ThoughtsThis was a fun episode! Whacked as all get-out, but just... awesome. I mean seriously, time travel, knights on horseback, poop jokes-it's got it all. And apparently Ramjet watches Gilligan's Island.

I also think Tim and Solomon are still alive, and Solomon is boyfriend with Philomena from the latest episode of MLP: FIM. Why? WHY NOT??!

The Golden LagoonOpen on a beach. Perceptor, Seapsray, Warpath, Powerglide and Beachcomber are walking, gliding or trudging along. Perceptor stops them for a rock, one laced with gold and silver. Warpath's less than impressed, but there's little time as above, Blitzwing, Thrust and Ramjet transform and attack! Seaspray spots them and somehow his hoverjets can boost him rather high.

Powerglide transforms and takes off, and then we cut to Seaspray and he's somehow ended up in the water, trading shots with Ramjet. Ramjet flies straight at him... and Seapsray moves out of the way, letting him crash into the water. That is quite humiliating.

Blitzwing joins the fight, with Warpath shooting back. Blitzwing transforms into tank mode and collision! Perceptor calls for Beachcomber, but he's nowhere to be found!

We cut to Beachcomber in... a silven glen. "It's paradise!" A bird lands on his frikkin' shoulder and he whistles at him. Other animals come over and it's straight out of a bad dream.

He finds a pool of golden liquid. "Great Maximus!" He dips a hand in and states it's electrum. We cut to back to the life-and-death fight as Ramjet emerges from the water, nearly toppling Seaspray. Warpath and Blitzwing are still at it, too. Thrust sends up such a mass of fire the cliff side weakens! At Beachcomber's paradise, he says no one can find out about it. But the rocks on this side also tumble. He transforms and speeds through the entrance to the tunnel leading from one side to the other just as Thrust flies over. The animals flee as he dips his hands into the electrum. "Thrust, my man, you are about to become number-one Decepticon!"

He dives in and is covered, with an audible 'shine'. Beachcomber emerges into the firefight and Perceptor asks where he was. "Ah... nowhere." Ramjet fires at them and shoots them down. Seaspray emerges, but Thrust flies down. He gets hammered, but nothing. "What's that, a tickle torture?"

He fires back and takes out Seaspray. Perceptor calls for a retreat. "Something most peculiar is occurring!" Now I legit wonder if the electrum coating is supposed to be invisible in-universe. It's explain a lot! Warpath retracts his cannon into his chest and fires missiles from it! But all for naught. Warpath blasts a hole in the cliff and leads Beachcomber and Powerglide into it. Thrust extends talons from his underside and scoops up Seaspray and Perceptor.

At the Decepticon headquarters, the two Autobots are presented before Megatron. "The brilliant scientist Perceptor and the naval strategist Seaspray!" Perceptor's defiant, good for him! They're locked up while Thrust tells them of the electrum. Starscream remembers he's a scientist and demands proof. Megatron snipes back. "Personally I don't care what you need!"

At the glen, the Decepticons land. Starscream is sent in first. He dips his foot in before jumping in, holding his nose.

I... guess he doesn't want to get a clogged intake or something? Do TF noses even do anything? He jumps back out as Megatron raises his fusion cannon. "I will enjoy this!" Starscream has a mild panic attack, but the shots do nothing but glance off... and destroy the forest. All the Decepticons jump in and fire at each other, doing nothing. Megatron gloats, and for once I agree with him!

At Omega Supreme, Warpath's eager to get back at the Decepticons. Powerglide tries to calm him down. "This is supposed to be a rescue mission, not the Charge of the Light Brigade!" Smokescreen points out Beachcomber spacing out. He looks at his hand as Warpath and Smokescreen transform and roll out. Powerglide wishes Mirage was there, and speak of the Unicron! "Your wish is granted." he decolaks. "I've been here for ten minutes." Okay, funny as all hell, but he's been cloaked for ten minutes? Why?

At the glen, the Decepticons fly off. We cut back to the Autobots as the Decepticons fly overhead. Megatron's order is simple. "Destroy!" And yeah, it's a slaughter. The Autobots can do nothing while the Decepticons fire, hit and it hurts. More credence to electrum being invisible. Mirage turns back for reinforcements. "See you around." Mirage cloaks. "Oh, no you won't!" Smokescreen puts out a cloud, but Megatron has a brilliant strategy. "Just shoot up the whole cloud! He's in there somewhere." And Smokescreen is shot up and shot down.

The Decepticons fly off as we see Mirage decloaking in front of a lot of season-one Autobots. He reports to Sunstreaker their weapons don't work. "I'll blast a few big Ds for yah, and you'll see what a difference a pro makes." Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. They transform and roll out as the Decepticons come into view. "Show no mercy!" Starscream brings up a good point. "Did we ever?" And they fire, and it's another slaughter. The Decepticons simply wade through the fire. Beachcomber knows what happened and name-drops the title. "They found the golden lagoon!"

We cut back to the Decepticon base. They're there, gloating. Perceptor and Seaspray are brought up and will be made to fight to the death. Soundwave pipes up Megatron must be informed, but Starscream brushes him off. Soundwave goes off as Seaspray and Perceptor are handed weapons. They try and shoot the Decepticons, with predictable results.

We cut to Smokescreen going up to Omega Supreme as the last line of defense is readied. "You're our only hope, Omega." No, Obi-Wan is your only hope. Omega transforms. "Failure; impossible." We see Beachcomber at the lagoon and the Decepticons lounging around. SOundwave reports to Megatron as Beachcomber is captured by Blitzwing. At the base, Perceptor and Seaspray blast the hull of the ship and make a break for it! They go for the docking tower, but Megatron's there with Beachcomber. He shoves Beachcomber in and tells Starscream he will lead the attack against Omega Supreme. Starscrem oils himself at the prospect.

Topside, the Decepticons attack. Omega fires, but even his mighty weapons do nothing. "Results; disappointing." The Decepticons fire, first taking out his shoulders. He creates a chasm with a footstomp. Megatron transforms into gun mode. "Let me finish him off personally!" And the mighty Omega Supreme is taken down! Megatron tells them to rearm for the assault on Autobot Headquarters!

At the Ark, Optimus learns Omega was taken out. Teletraan flashes the word 'electrum'. Finally! Ironhide doesn't know what it is, but Prime does! He sends out search teams. We cut to the beach and Powerglide coming ashore. He spots the Decepticons flying over and transforms, taking off and spotting the pool! He lands and sees them in the pool.

Starscream reports to megatron that they're ready for the final assault and asks about the prisoners. "They're at your disposal!" Skywarp opens the cell, but Beachcomber's gone. Turns out he's hanging from the ceiling and makes a drops down, taking them out. How... is not seen, thankfully. He shoots out a window and Seaspray takes them out and to the surface.

Megatron makes a speech and Starscream gets snarky. "Cut the oration, Megatron! We already heard it." And even Skywarp gets in on the act! "Yeah, let's talk about victory after we got it!" So Megatron flies off. We cut to the glen. Long Haul dumps some barrels for I think Dirge to fill with electrum before driving off for the main battle. And yeah, it's Dirge. Beachcomber grabs him. They hear footsteps, but it's the rest of the Autobots. "Well, looks like we all found out about this place at the same time." Beachcomber runs off, shame filling his Spark. He dives in. "Come on in. The electrum's fine!" And the Autobots jump in.

At the Ark, the Decepticons are firing at literal dummies. Megatron realizes what's going on and they go back to the lagoon. It's pretty much a stalemate as both sides are invulnerable. The real casualties are the forest. Celestia would be appalled!

Blitzwing suddenly turns back to his normal colors and all hopes of it being invisible IU are dashed as Perceptor notes the change. Damn. Megatron sees it fading. "No, it can't be!" And thus he has doomed himself! Perceptor tells Optimus as the Decepticons are taken out. megatron goes scorched Cybertron. "Obliterate the lagoon! If we can't have it, nobody can!" The Decepticons fire at the lagoon and the electrum explodes, leaving a crater. The Decepticons retreat as the Autobots cheer.

We cut to Beachcomber sitting on a stump. "We won..." As we pan across the carnage. Somewhat disturbing, actually.

ThoughtsAt first I assumed the electrum coating was invisible IU, but apparently not. If it was, so many problems would've been solved.

Along with Beachcomber! Desertion, withholding information vital to the survival of the Autobots! No excuses there for any of his actions, IMO.

That final shot was pretty disturbing, to linger on the carnage wrought by the Great War. All in all, a good episode brought down by some odd choices.