Why Do So Many Indian Men Cheat?

November 28, 2011

Are arranged marriages to blame for the high percentage of men who look for sex outside their marriage?

There are so many preconceptions that I brought with me when I first moved to India. Either misconceptions garnered from Bollywood films, which it turns out, are not the best guide for sorting out what is normal everyday life and what’s not! I really thought that by now a handsome, single, sexy man with a long vest thingy and a bare chest would have looked my way from across a crowded bar and then he and his friends would have walked towards me, slowly, singing and performing a synchronized dance as his special way of woo’ing me. I mean, come on! After seven months of living in India – and the insane amount of socializing that I do – this should have happened to me by now, right? It happens every day in Bollywood films! Yet sadly, not in my real life!

I also arrived with many preconceived notions that I learned from the Internet. This, sadly, is turning out to be a much more accurate source for information than Bollywood films (I say sadly because I am still hoping to be woo’d “Bollywood style” very soon!! haha). Most of what I learned off the net and believed to be true before my arrival in India actually really is true. It’s lovely and different and for the most part I feel truly blessed to be experiencing it all.

However, there are certain things that I didn’t have a clue about when I moved to India that I could happily live without. Noise pollution from horn blowing tops my list. And just below that is the insane amount of married and committed men who approach women here in an attempt for a little diversion. In all my life, neither in the U.S. or Spain, I have never seen such a huge number of men try to set up extracurricular activities for themselves out in the open at bars, restaurants and clubs. They even try to set up liaisons via the Internet. Personally I receive an average of three online invitations per day, which is an insane figure.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have any illusion that 100% of men and women in relationships are always faithful.And I know that this isn’t a situation that is unique to India. People cheat all around the world, every minute of every day. As for me personally, as far as I know, I have never been cheated on (exes: if that is not true, please don’t tell me now!!!!). I am also very proud to say that I have never cheated on anyone. Even when I was in a miserable marriage, I broke things off first and waited for him to move out instead of looking for happiness elsewhere.

Yet here it seems to me that cheating is an everyday thing for some guys. Given the ÜBER conservative Indian values and traditions, it amazes me how many seemingly unavailable men approach me or I’ve who I’ve seen approach a friend hoping to get lucky. If I had to guess, I would say that the ratio of single to unavailable men who have tried their luck with me is about 25% / 75%…with the 75% representing the guys who are married or have girlfriends. Since 99% of the guys are unattractive to me (sorry guys) and I have zero interest in wasting my time and just want to hang out with my friends they don’t make it much past hello (I have become very good at the “brush off” and have it down to 15 seconds now). Now, the guys who I actually did find attractive and who I chatted or flirted with a bit until learning they were married or had girlfriends were all pretty open about it.

Affluent men who are married or committed certainly do make interesting offers, I’ll give them that. To date I haven’t received a single ‘traditional’ date offer like dinner and a movie. The ideas they have logically include an exit plan from town and have ranged from a weekend in the Maldives to candlelit dinners, champagne in the moonlight or sightseeing trips to nearby towns for a night away. And of course some were simply 100% direct and just asked if they could come home with me.

So is cheating an accepted practice in India? Do Indian women just turn their back on what they know is going on with their man? So far only one of my married Indian friends has said that he and his wife have an “understanding”. He says that they married each other knowing each other fully so there were no illusions of fidelity to begin with! But my guess is that this is certainly not the norm and that the majority of Indian women wouldn’t be quite so relaxed about the topic. And I know for a fact that expats living in Indiadon’t tend to turn their backs to it when dating Indian men. In fact, a good friend recently dumped her boyfriend after catching him red-handed at a party exchanging numbers with a girl and then trying to hide it. What a douche!

I asked around a bit on the topic and here’s what I heard:

Cheating apparently happens more in middle-upper and upper class society than lower and middle class.

I was told that lower and middle class men are so focused on working and supporting the family that there is hardly time or opportunity.

That when every Rupee is counted to make ends meet for a family that there is typically nothing extra that could be used to seduce a lover. And since – generally speaking – women like to be wined and dined, so if there is no disposable income for the wining and the dining then chances are pretty slim that these guys are going to score. I know it still happens but probably not as frequently or lavishly as if they had cash to burn.

The more affluent men typically have business trips and meetings day and night so there is more opportunity for them to hook up with someone. They can also offer a woman a romantic night out, a short getaway at 5 star hotels and they can pamper her…so it would indeed be much easier to start an affair with those resources — and the free time.

What I still don’t have a clear handle on though is WHY Indian men seem more active in this respect than men in other countries? I just moved from Spain where they are pretty damn naughty, but the Spanish men don’t even remotely compare to the Indians. One friend – I really hope jokingly – said it is the heat that makes Indian men such go-getters. Sounds like bullshit to me but it was a spin on the topic I hadn’t expected. Does the warm Indian climate really fire up naughty thoughts more than in other countries or cooler climates? Hmmmm….not sure I’m buying that idea.

For my part, I have somewhat mixed feelings about cheating in secret when the partner doesn’t know. The part of me that has never cheated is proud of that and believes that is the way things SHOULD be. But I haven’t been in a relationship in about seven years and I think I have changed a lot in that time and I’m not sure I see fidelity as such an important aspect to a relationship anymore – but again I haven’t been in love in so long that I could just be speaking jibberish.

Is it reasonable to expect to be faithful “till death do us part” now? With the high number of men who either DO cheat or are trying to cheat who I’ve come across I think the answer to that question is no. Not all of them. I’m sure that most women reading this probably think that their man would never cheat and that I’m talking about a different kind of man, with different values and morals. And I hope for them that it’s true. But it really can’t be true for every woman, can it? Those guys who I’ve met all have wives or fiancées or girlfriends, don’t they?

Given the naughty nature of some Indian men, based solely on what I’ve witnessed and know to be true from personal experience in India, it seems like these guys have very liberal views on fidelity. Views that they likely don’t express to their wives and girlfriends. Should society’s views on infidelity then soften to accommodate the reality of life as it really exists today in India?I already know that the general consensus answer to that question will be NO but the topic does make me curious. Obviously the flip side is to keep things as they are and keep everything hidden as it is now and brush the truth under the rug so to speak. I know enough about traditional values to know that this Plan B (or the way it has always been) is the preferred plan but … why? Why not be open and honest about this? I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. I’m neither an Indian woman nor in a relationship….I’m just one of the many unlucky “prey” for these guys.

281 Comments

By Nancy Tanning-Love

22.03.16 09:09 AM

I thought fucking and dumping Asian women is statistically common with Catholic and Jewish men. I suppose cheating on the side doesn't destroy families so perhaps this is more honorable. Do Indian men cheat in the presence or absence of women who are not Indian? A good sociological study.

By aseem raj

23.06.15 12:22 PM

its because most indian married couples
dont have a good sex life. infact its almost
non existent. even the couples that do have
sex regularly, the quality of it is very low.
so indian men try to get sex wherever they can.

By Kay

23.10.14 02:04 PM

To be honest it is the Indian mothers that spoil the male child. They live vicariously through the male and I think there are a lot of mixed emotions from the males on this. On the one hand they love their mothers and on the other hand they hate their mother for suffocating them. This leads to passive aggressive acting out behaviors. Men never seem to develop a separate identity from the mother and I think many resent it. The apron stings never seem to get cut and this might not be healthy for the guy. Even the famous and rich Salman Khan says he is a mama's boy and he is middle aged now! This is the start of it all. Men in India don't work for a relationship, or to maintain a relationship, like their Western counterparts. It is arranged and Indian women CAN'T leave because divorce laws favor the male. She gets almost nothing in a divorce and her kids are shamed at school due to divorce. Other Indian males will hound her for sex thinking she is a slut due to the divorce, even if the problem was due to the male. Divorce in India is always the female's fault. Men in India have no accountability for their behaviors, they often blame others. Even at 40 years old I have found many of them to act like they are 16 emotionally. I have American girlfriends that married Indian men and I would say that 95% of those marriages are unhappy from the wife's point of view. The differences are too great to be resolved. Slowly the divorce laws are changing here. Many in Bollywood are ending up divorced so the stigma is becoming less. To be honest divorce and cheating is not the main problem here. Having healthy male and female relationships is a huge problem in India. No one here knows what they are or what they look like. Most Indian marriages I know of end up with the partners living separate lives in separate rooms. It is shameful to even admit there is a problem in Indian relationships. No one will speak up about it openly. I have lived in India for over 15 years now and this is what I have observed. Porn is also rampant in this country as well and has a lot to do with relationships deteriorating here.

By Yvette

01.09.14 06:08 AM

Hi

I have a Indian male friend who has been my friend for a bout 10 years.... for the last 2 months he has seen me helped me with descisions on going back to school etc...when we agreed to go out i was nice then he kissed me and I said what is going on we are friends and he is married. He says arranged but when I saw his home its beautiful and there is tons of pictures around with him and his wife. I am confused everytime he sees me he wants to sleep with me? What should I do so I don't get my feelings hurt because I know he doesn't care about me,

By visham

07.08.14 09:23 PM

Another attempt to tarnish Indian men. Paid for in full by Jewish media

By PArkavi

26.06.14 07:55 AM

All classes of men in india cheats. If no money they will find for women with money.If got caught they will say the girl fall naked on them.......Evidence watch solvathuellam unmai. valmayev vellum, kathayallaithu jeevitham

By Suzie

21.08.13 07:40 PM

I suspect the reason why the article writer is getting so many offers is purely because she is Caucasian. Indian and south asian culture often view white women women as sluts, man-eaters and loose. They believe this mainly because of american TV and movies that show white women to be very liberal sexually. You do not see indian women or south east asian women behaving loose on TV. Western culture worships sexual women.

I am a south east asian woman. There was one male family member who married a white woman and during the wedding. I overheard a bunch of family members talking about how they thought the bride was a slut and hoped she would treat him good. I was shocked at these comments they would not know of sexual activities but jump into conclusions that she is a man-eating whore just because she is white/western

By may

09.07.13 12:04 AM

we may also be in the same position if we walk in her shoes. I know specialist doctors who worked in richest countries depending on charity in their old days!

By Rajpriya

06.07.13 10:47 PM

@may,

The follow up news next day was even more pathetic, that said she is sitting in prison because she didn't have $5000, to bail her out. How much low down can a professor stoop down to?

I agree with your statement 200% .

"then I think it is better to move on. I feel the best revenge is a life well lived".

Interesting article Raj. Such a waste of personal energy which could have been used for a worthy cause. I think once a partner leave (bf/gf/husband/wife) then I think it is better to move on. I feel the best revenge is a life well lived.

By Rajpriya

05.07.13 11:03 AM

I hope this news would help those who follow their ex’s to stay out of trouble with the LAW.

Once married many Indian women will not leave their husbands even if they cheat on them so jillian if this girl married / engaged to your ex bf she is not likely to leave him. Engagement/marriage is a big ceremony ( depending on family's standing in the society) in some parts of India. After these ceremonies if the girl leave the man another marriage for the girl is very difficult.
I feel you must move on. Get into the flow of life.Chase an outstanding goal and instead of chasing ex bf's fiance. I am sure You will meet an outstanding person on your life journey. Your past experience will help you in selecting the right one.

By jillian

03.07.13 02:28 PM

Yes. I didnt receive any feedback from the fiance side. He in turn went ard telling people to be careful of me because and he told them that i tell tales abt him to break his marriage.

By Amanda

03.07.13 09:46 AM

@jillian I'm going to share my own opinion on what's going on in your situation. This opinion is based on my own experience.

If I'm correct your heart is in need of closure not to mention the need for answers of why you feel like a victim.

Chances are that his family knows these things you say are true, they feel bad for the actions of their son. In private alone with just his parents he will be questioned with no end

I want you to know that your certainly not alone in this feeling of despair. If he told you that they didn't care he is speaking rubbish. My guess is after telling these things on him you never received any response from them directly?

Most likely you will never know the reasons behind any of the issues at hand or possible motives to his behavior. Personally when I told my ex's new wife about me, to be honest I was seeking revenge on him.

This guy must be very dear to you but its best to let go and keep him in your heart, understand that your ex I'm sure cared deeply for you felt that he was hurting his parents that worked their whole lives to watch their son begin his own path to happiness within his culture.

There is nothing that you did to deserve this behavior whatsoever, remember true love never dies but true lover always cries. Life is about loyalty and his loyalty went to his family. Even with having commited adultery in his eyes his parents will live their lives believing their son obeyed them and was a good man.

In the end that's what he wanted. He put his feelings for you aside to please his family. Cowardly as it seems its also brave. I pray for your heart to be lifted from pain and you try to remember the best of times you shared after all your time was his most precious gift from you because it can't ever be taken back. Best wishes

By jillian

03.07.13 06:18 AM

If u guys still remember my story.. i have taken action and informed his fiance's family abt him but in the end.. they choose not to believe me but decided to believe his story instead even when i have evidence abt him cheating and stuff. I dont understand why the girl choose to make herself fall into this hell hole to be with him??

By Amanda

25.06.13 03:05 AM

I just wanted to thank you Raj for your advice and words of wisdom. I truly believe this is what blogging is all about. It's a diverse way of gaining understanding and closure for me.

I'd like to add how very hard it is to let go of someone but your exactly right. To let go doesn't mean to block something from memory it simply means to make peace with it.

I'm still daydreaming in class about Zaheer but as time goes so does the intensity of my dreams with him.

I'm letting my inner spirit take over and accept the things in which have taken place. Learning self-discipline and building off the goals I've set for myself rather than those of which me and Zaheer set together.

I'm doing well in keeping myself busy and even taking a creative writing class, that helps. I'm very appreciative of everyone's advice! After all those who have ears will listen, take time to analyze and reflect on knowledge. After-all Life is full of worries why not be open to suggestions. I'm very glad this blog existed

The true fact is I came here venting about the sorrowful loss of a dear one and am leaving the blog just a tad bit stronger. Each day I've grow taller, stronger and more at peace. Thanks to all. Best wishes

By Rajpriya

17.06.13 09:33 PM

@Amanda,

Read second para, second line as:Those are really....
The third line: stranglehold on his or her.

I have siad this before and hope it helps to confront your worries.

By Rajpriya

17.06.13 09:25 PM

@Amanda,

I understand very well your experiences or feelings and I know they are real. They are really sad for any one who relied on face value of things rather than the unpredictable that really goes on in side another human mind.

The art of letting go is not a thing that every one manages or gets down to do. There are that happen in one’s life that cause an enormous stranglehold on his or mental or physical structure. Stress over runs the inner peace that we need to lead a happy life. Its time you thought of learning the Art of letting Go.

To let go off things doesn't mean to get rid of them. Just learn to leave them as they are and learn to find a work around to solve. Every average human being is born with common sense. As we grow we pick up different kinds of knowledge to improve our common sense further until we die.

Bad weather, illness, and many other factors could get us into awful moods and drive us to a point of frustration. Makes us feel the load of stress heavier and think why its all happening - to just us. We take this as they are or start see it as a welcome chance to change things about which no one needs be afraid of. You require no radical steps or dramatic changes because, as it so often happens in our life- life is the devil in details.

Only you decide what really is important to you, not others. Remember: you can only go forward if you do not collapse under the backpack, you yourself cheerfully packed. I lost my daughter within two weeks of her birth when medical science failed. Sadness I was never able to get over until this day. However I had to keep going until my end comes with out her.

I sincerely hope things work out for you.

By Amanda

17.06.13 08:10 PM

I'm thinking that this blog about "Why do Indian men cheat?" Is raising some very good questions about what is happening to cultures around the world and how these changes effect people globally. My situation may have been or seemed common to some but in my eyes it is rare. I grew up in a very traditional southern rebel family in which dating anyone from any other country, race or nationality back in the day would have been a death sentence for me. I had been married for 12 years prior to meeting my ex indian love. After years of abuse and struggle to raise and care for my two children I decided leaving my husband was best. Kids need positive in their lives and good education and never do they need violence. When meeting Zaheer he was very handsome, educated and what I loved most is the most important thing to him was family. He encouraged a healthy lifestyle for me and my two children and indeed became a part of our lives. He had a huge heart and was always compassionate and helping others. He was a very forgiving man and expressed his wishes to me very well. He explained to me that his family would most likely not accept me at first and that it would most likely take several years for them to come around to the thought of us being together as one. He never pushed any kind of relations on me and respected me a great deal that I wasn't anywhere near ready to have intimate relations. He worked very hard and attended school to finish up his Masters in Engineering. Zaheer new how to do it all in my eyes. Even after having a few well deserved beers or whiskey drinks he stayed compassionate. He would call or text all through his day at work checking on me and my children. He would call before coming home asking if the kids needed anything and would often surprise them with a family day somewhere like "The Great Wolf Lodge" or take them foe ice cream. He was good to us. I never expected that he would cheat but I also took for granted that he would always be there. I thought to myself that God must have taken a little more time making someone that was so perfect in my eyes. After graduation he needed to land a job in his field of study. There is a strict law on the amount of time he had to land a job. He had several offers but they were to far away he said. When he did land a job he had to move right away. We had plans on buying a nice house in the country and putting the kids in a private school. Everything was going great until he met Sagar. Sagar joined the company in which Zaheer joined and he was a young stud who was very much into clubbing. Ali would still make time to come and stay with me and the children frequently. Then one summer day in the heat of July while driving his car something happened that made me instantly lose my sense of safety in his arms. My blue eyes filled with tears as my heart begin to feel heavy. While at the Subway drive thru, reaching in the side of his door for change I pulled out a condom. I thought why is this here? We have no need for this. Is he being unfaithful? So, I returned home and while laying next to him I asked him why he had the pack of condoms. They were not opened and they were all accounted for but it was enough to sink me into a depression. He admitted to going out to the club with Sagar and having a chance to violate our relationship but he declined the chance and left the condoms in his door. From that moment I feel as if I lost Ali. He was upset that I didn't trust him. That was the start of what is now the end to our time together. Even if I'm letting go of my attatchment to him I will never let him leave my heart. I cared deeply for him and if our time togeher was all a show and he was just using me so be it but there is a little voice inside me saying that after this life we will meet again. I hope my story at least touches someones heart that is lost or suffering pain of losing someone very dear to them. My best advice is to forgive them and keep them in your heart and walk away, letting go sometimes is the hardest thing to do. True love never dies, but true lover always cries.

By Rajpriya

17.06.13 07:35 PM

Rape statistics are not very romantic to read. I don't read or watch horror stories. They frighten me to death.

There are nicer things to read and my tastes are different. I walk around pot holes in life.

By Rajpriya

17.06.13 07:29 PM

You are a lone voice against those things you say happened to many of your female friends. India does not live by Swedish laws. All those things have happened to people everywhere in the world. Love is just a feeling and lasts forever only in extremely rare cases. As you say, you may be one of those extremely lucky women.

In western countries almost all marriages take place broadly based on this thing called Love. If one looks at the divorce rates it melts down to an infatuation that did not last the test of time. In many cases love faded as fast as it happened. Human mind is a complicated piece mechanism. For it to work without a breakdown all its components need synchronize accurately to keep it running smoothly.

I compare them to those tiny wheels of a wristwatch. If the battery weakens or the teeth get damaged it stops. An infatuation turns in to Love only if it keeps two people fascinated by each other forever. When this fascination stops Love disappears. There nothing you could do about it.

I have no problems when people get touchy. I have come across many touchy people in my professional life. There was this guy whom I met in a different company to whom I outsourced some work. One day I found him in front of my office. He wanted employment in my company. After speaking to his former employers and with their consent I employed.

He fell in love with one of my employees and started neglecting work. He was often away from work with girl. He was denying he had anything to do with her but not concentrating on his work. So I fired him and week later the girl resigned too. Two weeks later he stood in my front office and wanted to speak to me in privacy.

He started to cry uncontrollably and said he had bought an expensive car on a bank loan and it would be taken away if he did not was employed to pay for it. He also told me that he was in love with that girl and is about to get married. Not only did he want start work again but also asked if I would give back the girls job.

After feeling sorry for this guy I told him he could start working but not the girl. The reason being I would not want two people to be away from work at anytime at the same time. He married her and when she was pregnant he started taking out other girls who fell for his expensive car. Now which one would you blame? I can’t fire him for running after other women because his work habits were ok.

The girl called me one day and complained. I said to her “You just fell for the wrong guy and I had no part to play in it. If you sleep with dogs, you wake up with fleas.

By may

17.06.13 06:13 PM

thanks for the article. by the way I am not interested in social cleaning my interest in these fields are only from research point like a student of behavioural science.
Lastly some of my female friends (in india )life are affected by men without back bones unfaithful husbands etc so I may be bit touchy about the subject, they are my close friends.

No laws can stop a man or a woman cheating. A biological urge of living beings is like a tsunami. Anything to stop it will just be washed away. Extra marital relationships would continue to take place on earth no matter where or in what country.

A man who seeks a prostitute would always certainly find one. A woman who makes money by prostituting will also attract her men. No amount of laws can stop prostitution. People who think it would are living in a Fantasia land. If one reads what’s happening in Sweden after those laws came in would understand the truth.

Most Swedish prostitutes have moved to Denmark and all Swedish men who want their services are going over to Denmark according this article. If we try to live in a real world than in a fictitious one we could stop wasting our energy for nothing. Keep your backyard spotlessly clean.

The world will never be rid of Prostitution. It may be on that day that earth stands still. No more Jesus Christ’s or other prophets will ever step into this earth to put it right. I would bet the laws would change sooner or later in Sweden.

Ideals are like distant stars. They can guide you but you would never reach them.

By may

17.06.13 04:41 PM

Many international communities is available with social cleansing aim. I am not saying that I am perfect I just commented on something I saw in my life time in India. men madly in love with a woman ( openly declaring) and marrying another one his parents put in front of them. Women accepting men who deserted them for other women then coming back to them. this I see as a lack of self esteem. Why an employed well to do woman has to put up with such treatment.

By may

17.06.13 04:26 PM

Many people get exploited because of male and female prostitution so I vote for Swedish laws it is an age old practice which can be abolished.If Sweden can do it others also can do it!

Correction:
I know about this four fingers pointing at me when I point one at someone else. I am pointing not any finger at you. Just giving my point of view on your comments.

By Rajpriya

17.06.13 02:00 PM

@May,

To you my name sound like a woman’s' name. I can give you examples of hundreds of men having feminine names. Don't make that your business.

You are interfering with my fundamental rights to call me by whatever name that pleases me.

I know about this four fingers pointing at me when I point one at someone else. I am pointing any finger at you. Just giving my point of view on your comments

If you have a perfect married life and husband so faithful to you I simply don't understand why you are so angry about everything that’s going in the world.

Are you some kind of a messiah trying save this world? Unfortunately this world is made up all what you say is wrong. You angry voice will not be heard outside the membership of The NRI.

Hats of to you to surviving and standing up tall in a male dominated world. Many women do not have that rare talent.

If your life is so perfect its good for you. Do you have kids? If you do have, was it not the sexual urge that made you have sex? In your opinion only animals have the urge for sex.

I know many people that belong to the Me! Me! Me! Generation. The entire world has to follow their perfect way of life. You should start a social cleansing movement to make the perfect world of your dreams.

As long I am a strong man I don’t need to break my heart about backboneless men. They can only hurt themselves. Learn to ignore what is bad and to do everything to keep your perfect life. I must say you are a one in a million woman who has a perfect husband. I would love to fly all the way to India at my cost only to meet Mr. and Mrs. Perfect.

I could come and tell the world to be like you. Where do you Live?

By may

17.06.13 01:28 PM

rajpriya,
One thing I encountered in my life is observing many Indian men breaking the promises they made to their fiancées/wives and marrying women of their family's choice. Some of these women are still unmarried. So probably I am bit one-sided. One of my classmate is also still unmarried since she was molested by her well behaved cousin (as per outside show).

By May

17.06.13 01:06 PM

Rajpriya,
Sex is not everything in life. There are many other aspects to life than sex. Sometimes sexual perversion occurs because of some other serious psychological deficiencies in one's life.

By may

17.06.13 12:54 PM

Rajpriya,
I had the privilege to observe Indian men at close quarters since I was surrounded by men all the time since I born into a family as a single girl for two generations, uncles, brothers,cousins etc. I also entered into a profession dominated by men. I never had any problem with suitors from Indians or foreigners. my husband never said I turn him off it is only other way around.

By may

17.06.13 12:41 PM

Rajpriya,
If you point a finger at someone then four fingers are pointed towards you. For your information I am a married Indian woman, and my husband is one who has the courage to call a spade a spade nothing else. he is one believe in a single wife /love for life time. Yesd both of us met men and woman without backbones as our friend husband/wife etc. By the way being a man why u blog under a female's name. Lastly if a man is behaving just like an animal regarding sexual urge what about his character or will power how he is different from animals.

By Rajpriya

17.06.13 10:29 AM

@May,

You seem to have a whole heap of problems with men. Men seem to let you down and continue to disappoint you. Your relationship (s) has or have failed. A spine is an important part of the human anatomy. Without it a sexual act may be difficult or even impossible.

Legal or illegal if a man desperately needs to screw he would find a way. I cannot see the point you are trying to make about spineless men? You can dig out for enough news of prostitution on www. Prostitution is found everywhere and there are enough women to provide this service - the oldest profession on earth. Drugs are banned but people do not stop selling them. Governments are bringing in laws to curb human freedom but all laws built in loopholes

All those stuff you are talking about have become part of everyday life in the world. If a woman cannot satisfy a man’s sexual needs he goes looking for it elsewhere and according to you he becomes spineless? There are women who never could turn on men.

A man who is troubled by severe biological urges has an easier option than resort to rape. I should find its ok if he finds a prostitute to satisfy his needs rather than take to rape.

You biggest problem: you seem to be bumping only into cheating men. The problem could be you. You may be simply turning men off. Tough luck. Nevertheless I wish you would one day find your all exclusive man.

Having said that I wish you change the way you look at the world. If you look for good things you would find them too but seriously.

By may

17.06.13 02:04 AM

Prostitution is legalised in some countries and in other countries it is illegal even to provide/buy such services (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_Sweden). I feel if one marry a spineless man he will always be spineless. Moreover spineless men break more hearts than one. If his wife get raped in front of him he may not be courageous enough to rescue her.

By Rajpriya

15.06.13 11:38 AM

From Houston to San Francisco, sex slavery is an underground operation that makes the masterminds behind it millions, while making the girls who perform the sex acts nothing.

Yes,May you are right but those are all same as other third world countries where you have these services for both rich and poor. Why you see more India is, we have 1.3 billion population and even if a small fraction say 30 million are like that, then it really seems very high. 30 million is more than Nevada's poulation!!. Unfortunately these bad apples exist in every country and of course I am happy I no longer live in India

By May

15.06.13 02:39 AM

Mothers are very possessive of their sons why? One explanation I heard from an NGO from India is that she do not get respect and love from her husbands family so she hold on to her sons it seems. So the cycle continues. SRT I heard that major cities of India has two kinds of brothels one like red street for the poor then another for rich clients something called call girls, who live in rich areas in normal looking houses.
Lastly I feel it is really very bad to exploit vulnerable girls/ women esp in a country which teaches KARMA.

By Dr_idli

14.06.13 11:37 PM

This is one of the longest and most entertaining comment section on the website ! hilarious at times . So now what next , is it the mother's fault that indian men are how they are ? that they never got a hug when they were a kid ? Lol , please continue ...

By SRT

14.06.13 11:23 PM

May,
Agreed India has 30m aids cases, but for the population of 1.3 billion the percentage seems consitent with the other countries.
Most of these aids are due to illitracy, but this discussion is more focussed on the middle class people who are 100% litrate. I can tell you the percentage of Aids would be in fractions and that is mostly because these men dont frequent to prostitutes as they are aware of the diseases. They mostly hunt for someone who is vulnerable women who is looking for a loving and caring person. These men take advantage of that.
Also there are other categories of Indian men who being spineless get married to someone whose parents have chosen and later down the line they find a women who they really love but just cant get out of what parents have thrust on them.
Problem is the mothers are too possesive of their sons and just cant give them up to anyone, so they choose a women of their choice believing that that women wont take their son away, but when that doesnt happen you see mother and daughter in law at logger heads and spineless man just caught in between

Taken for granted all the descriptions are absolutely true, it still puzzles me how they tick as great "Lover Boys" abroad.

Looks like the "Indian Boys" are uncontrollable where ever they happen to be.

Bad habits die hard.

By M Pal

14.06.13 09:04 AM

I have been married to an Indian guy for 12 years. Known him 14 years. He still won't stand up to his Mother.
He was never 100% honest with them to begin with so imagine their surprise when they came for a visit and imagine my surprise when they said they were staying for 6 months! It was a nightmare for all of us and to this day at least once a month they will tell him to leave me and come home.
Good luck American ladies if you fall for an Indian guy. make sure he doesn't lie about you!

By SRT

14.06.13 12:42 AM

May, You got everything right regarding the tradition we have back in India but it is not as rampant as it look on the outside sex part. Many India men are too meek and may just be a good citizens and follow every thing what parents say. Some just focus on making money or education and forget the other happiness and few are like exactly what you said.
But, one thing is for sure..We Indian men are spineless

Jiillian,
I think u are better of this guy, since he do not have any backbone or character. Many states in India the marriage is a business arrangement, money, power etc. I know many men from India escaped to US since if they return to India they will have problems since they broke the promises they gave to the girls or women and their families in India . So they accepted US passport and stay in US. Some of them are highly educated and good looking but do not enquire about their character in depth.
On top of all these some states like Tamil Nadu marriages are arranged between very close relations like uncle niece, cousins etc. Men do not have the backbone to oppose these kind of traditions, even though they know the deleterious effect of such incest and girls do not have the self esteem to refuse these kind of marriages. In the case of uncle niece marriage the men may be 10 -20 yrs older than the girls. Men when they become mature start with prostitutes and anyone who provide free sex. By the time the niece attains the marriageable age these men have seen many pastures. She is lucky if he do not have aids.

By SRT

09.06.13 01:59 AM

Jillian,
Marriage system in India seems funny to outrside world and it is indeed funny.
Parents first decide when to get to their children and then decide whom to get them married.
Many criterias are considered like Family background, wealth, caste, girl's looks, color etc.
Sometime one criteria can get overridden by another. In some cases Girls parent pay huge money mostly in southern states to get the best man. Greedy boy's parents may even choose incompatible girl for their boy just for the money. In your case the guy is from Kerala, so he may have gotten good money.
Divorces are pretty low, generally any disputes are resolved by the parents from both sides and if it goes beyond that, the court will give six months to settle and even after that if it doesnt work then divorce may happen
But, beware he may come back to you and play all the drama in the world to just have good sex. Just dont fall for it, unless you are ok to be that way, then it is a different story

By Rajpriya

09.06.13 12:22 AM

I was seated in a Airport lounge when
I typed the link. Here it is again clearly.

The link isnt working but thanks anyways. My ex bf told me he has alrdy registered his marriage and is now waiting for the traditional ceremony. He said he cant forget me. He married her because he needed someone to take care of his mom when his mom comes over here. He also went on to say sacarstic stuff like his fiance is rich.. unlike me. Etc etc. He said his fiance's family thinks he is handsome and awesome and do not know about what he has done in the past.

how does the marriage system worked in india? if i may ask. can a marriage be annulled if u registered it for a few months??

By Rajpriya

06.06.13 02:06 PM

Well! SRT, I rarely make inadvertent goof ups of others we know little of my business. I have a life of my own to be busy with.

"Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor"

Many Indian men whose women were chosen by parents have had a lifelong companionship and learned to love their women after they married and have lasted a life long.

At what stage of life in your opinion, should a man start loving a woman? If I was not happy about the woman I married no one could stop me separating from her. That choice is available too.

Don’t you think those who married for love don’t make children and raise them? Whether a marriage is arranged or for any other reason it all boils down to how long it would last. I was not an abnormal being who was not attracted nice looking girls. I had circle nice conservative girls who used to hang around my crowd of friends.

I keep in touch with a majority of them and their families even today. There were people who gossiped that we had relationships but sex was the last thing we ever thought of. Flirtatious we were, but certainly sans sex.

What you call love or love at first sight means -to me- being physically attracted to someone who in our eyes looks handsome or beautiful. To me it’s a temporary infatuation and when you get closer to it you learn the ugly side of Love as expressed many times in this discussion.

When I married my objectives or priorities were not to make kids. Arranged or otherwise sex is a priority for all marriages. Having sex also results in having kids. When the kids came it made me a responsible parent. I love my kids and started loving my wife for bearing them.

Your argument is Love before marriage and mine is my parents choice was good and learning her good qualities living with her made me gradually realize that after all my parents choice had worked and never made me regret. What you call love to me is coming to terms with a contract I agreed to sign and keep to the terms and conditions that bind me to that contract.

This particular discussion “Why Do So Many Indian Men Cheat?” Is mostly about people who met online or in public places and instantly fell in the thing called Love and the disappointment that followed.

Making my kids call some one else their Daddy means the lost love between a man and woman makes them innocent victims of Love gone awfully wrong.

I don’t know much about those ugly guys and I wouldn’t notice them nor does it help knowing about them.

It really pains me to hear that your partner may not have been your choice and vice versa. However, right now your priority is your special needs kid and the reason you stay together – a sacrifice.

By SRT

06.06.13 11:21 AM

Oh Well, Rajpriya no one shoots their act and show it to others. We know only through their inadvertant goof ups.
You know, Indian guys mostly go for an arranged marriage to a girl chosen by their parents thinking that their choice is a perfect fit for the guy. The guy just gets married even though the girl is not his type, so it is just an arrangement to breed a next generation and no love in it. Some men endure it and live their life or fall in love with the wife sometime down the line , some just wander around in search of someone and some nasty guys do the stuff that few experienced in this forum.
Of course I have left India 15 years ago and married in a traditional Indian way, of course it wouldnt have my choice and may be same with her but our priority right now is to raise a our kid who is a special needs kid. So it is just one's priority that makes a difference.
Having said that I have seen mnay Indian guys think that any girl they come accross would love to have sex with them no matter how ugly the guy looks :)

By jillian

06.06.13 10:14 AM

I think there is no more love from me to him anymore. Thinking back, im kind of disgusted by what he did and how he treated women. He said that the only thing good about chinese girls is they have nice bodies. This made me cringe with absolute disgust. He also said that his fiance is not pretty and is chubby but hes fine with it because she comes from a good family. The things he said made me wanna expose him even more. He is the worst kind of men any woman can get. Not even fit to be a man. People used to warn me about indian guys esp those from kerela.. but irregardless of race,there r scums like him who do not deserve to be loved.

By Amanda

06.06.13 12:25 AM

@jillian
I made the very choice to tell my Indian loves fiancé for the simple fact that he needed to be told on. If it seems to some the wrong thing to do then who cares. If a man truly loves his wife or wants to be a decent man then he wouldn't cheat to begin with. If anything by letting her know what's going on could save her a life of unfaithfulness and sorrow. Every woman wants to be treated as if they are somebody's number #1. I'm still in a state of confusion but am living my life. I will always love him but realize that I can't change the circumstances. I hope your able to have a light heart and the pain eases. It's easy to say he used you but I also know that guys fall in love and the reason they leave the one they love is they are not strong and that weakness will torment them until the end. Especially when the woman they had relations for is hurting so bad. There is a saying that "what goes around comes around" believe me it does. I still after telling my loves new wife about us hurt. It didnt take the memories or pain away. Actually it makes me miss him more because at times I have to ignore his calls for me. They say to always be there for the one you love and never cause them pain. It's a two way road they must take the steps needed to ease your pain. Do what your heart tells you and do it quickly so it's not a threat to him anyway. Obvisosly your in misery and even though telling her want change your pain it will bring some closure. Good luck and many blessings.

By jillian

05.06.13 09:59 PM

@Amanda,
Yes. I did love him with all of my heart. And yes. I lost sleepless nights over him and still now is. Does it absolutely cause my heart so much pain?? Yes it does. When u"ve done so much for someone and he just took you for granted like as if i am supposed to do it.. how would u feel? When u r not doing it well and he blamed u for it.. how would u feel?? I admit its love on my part... but did he love me wholeheartedly? i believe whether he loved me truly or not is not important anymore but Just blame it on my plain stupidity and i seriously dont know what else to think. I maybe selfish in wanting to tell his fiance about him but i also do not wish to see this girl wasting her life with him.

By Amanda

05.06.13 09:11 PM

@Jillian
It seems you love this man with all your heart. Is that not the case? Does it absolutely cause your heart so much pain that you can't sleep at night? It was love on your part! Girl, I believe we can only control our own actions. Any decision you choose will be what is supposed to have been done. In life there are many paths, if one chooses to go off their path it is only foreseeable that they will have to face obstacles to get back on track. Life is hard without someone. Especially if its someone we truly cared for then our world is damaged and the extent of damage depends on how quickly we let go. Sometimes we never let go. Best wishes and remember who you are. Anything you say about this past love is well deserved. Let this choice come from your heart and pray for everlasting peace.

By jillian

05.06.13 01:35 PM

@SRT,
I know i sound like a crazy ex gf who came from hell. I actually created a fake facebook account to communicate with him as another girl. He was back in india to visit family and meeting his fiance for the first time. I talked to him and he actually said that he wanna meet me when he is back and even suggested going to a sleazy hotel. I pretended to ask him if his fiance knows about what he is doing. He said as long as he doesnt tell her and feeling wise, he will only love her but body wise, he doesnt mind sleeping with strangers. I am thinking of showing his fiance the conversation that we had. Is that even enough for her to trust my words?

By Rajpriya

05.06.13 12:58 PM

@SRT,

“Rajpriya, please dont keep generalizing Indian men, I am Indian too. I have seen married Indian women with kids have had sex with White men”.

You have heard about them having sex but I don’t think you have seen them having sex?

If an Indian man continues to live with his Indian wife knowing that she is having sex with a white man or any other then, I would think he is happy that some one is giving her what he himself can’t.

Husbands and children are no barriers if a woman wants to get sex if she badly needs it.

This article is about "Why Do So Many Indian Men Cheat?" I am not generalizing what is already general reading most comments. If I am correct no woman has so far described about being married to a Good Indian Man.

NRI needs an article: “I am married to A Perfect Indian Man” to put this right.

I am an Indian by birth. I grew up outside India with my Indian parents. I have never lived in India except for the first three months after my birth. My marriage was arranged and I remain married to the same Indian woman until today.

I have Indians closely known to me both men and women who fit your description married to different races. The question about all these relationships is centered on the word LOVE and how long it would last.
As long as LOVE is one sided it is destined to breakdown. You need two to Tango.

By SRT

05.06.13 10:49 AM

Jillian, you were just used by him. You know Indian men have flair for Chinese women more than Caucasians since their physique fits more to their likings and size. This guys used you only for sex and I dont think he ever once was in love with you, best thing to do is to tell his wife's family and save that poor girl from this nut. I have many Indian colleagues who are happily married to Chinese and they always say that was their best ever step they took and did not buckle to family pressure.
Rajpriya, please dont keep generalizing Indian men, I am Indian too. I have seen married Indian women with kids have had sex with White men.

By jillian

05.06.13 10:05 AM

I really dont know if i shld or not. She is probably too in love with him to believe my words. But i have evidence about all the nasty stuff he said.However, i know her mom has a facebook.. im also contemplating to tell her as well. Mothers know whats best for their children.

Sorry for not making myself clear. He actually borrowed money ftom me every time my salary comes and i usually have nothing left for myself and i had to give my parents lesser money and risk of not having enough to pay my own bills and school fees. He did however, returned me through installments by borrowing from somewhere else after the break up. He also said that he hope his new wife could get a job after she comes over to stay with him so that he can solve some money issues. He is in debt because of the loan he took up for a part time degree. I was with him whenever i could.. i gave him all the attention he needed and at last he told me he wont feel bored and go online to find girls because he can have sex everyday with his wife when she comes over here. These words just broke my heart too much.

By Rajpriya

05.06.13 07:19 AM

@Jillian,

The only thing your Indian guy loved is your money. Here is another who had all his bills paid even expanded his house in India at the expense of a non-Indian woman he met abroad. This guy like many others had come with a fixed plan. Find a place to live, educate himself, make money, have as much sex as possible and one day get married to an Indian woman who won’t believe one word you say against him.

After 5 years you have the bitter experience and you paid all his bills to get it. To an Indian guy it is not cheating. An Indian man is like a DOOR. He keeps grabbing all opportunities that keep knocking on him - the DOOR.

He comes abroad looking for what he can’t get in India - good living, education, money, and sex. He gets them too. Is that what they call COOOOOOL?

By Sai Prasad

05.06.13 03:16 AM

Jillian, I think you should so that an innocent Indian girls life is not ruined.

By jillian

04.06.13 10:06 PM

I broke up with my indian ex-boyfriend of almost 5 years 5 months ago. I broke up with him because he wasn't honest and would constantly chat up girls online and suggested to meet up for sex. We had talks on our future plans and he would always say that if in case ,we don't get married, he would just find another indian girl to settle down (i am a chinese by the way). He used to always say how he didn't want indian girlfriends because they are the biggest drama ever. He is now happily engaged to another indian lady whom he met through a matrimonial website. He said he is deeply in love with her now.Throughout the 5 years, i kept giving him chances and hoping he would change because he promised me every single time that he would stop befriending random girls online. i guess i was just stupid to have believed him and hang on for so long. I also helped him to pay his debts and bills, sent money back to his hometown to help his mother expand the house. I gave him whatever I could. I didn't expect much from him because i loved him so much. Before the break, he told me he has been having fever, flu and cough and even backaches and severe headaches and he said he was scared because he slept with a few other women in the past (he said he did it before he knew me) and when i asked him to go for a STD/HIV test since he said he was scared because he has been having symptoms, he refused and gave a ton of excuses like his symptoms are nearly gone and he has no money to take the test. In the end he went for it and results came out negative. He even asked me for money for the test. Even thou he's an idiot,i am having problems moving on now that he has moved on. He said that all chinese girls' attitude suck and indian girls' attitudes are even worst. He married this girl because she has good family values and her family treats his nice. i am contemplating about telling his soon to be wife about him. I am struggling inside to make this decision if i should or not because the girl and her family seems really nice and well to do and i wouldnt want her to waste her life on this jerk.

By SRT

03.06.13 04:56 AM

Amanda,

Well, you know Zaheer belongs to muslim religion and that religion believes in Bigamy. He will have no problem showing or pretending to love you as they are used to such things. It would be wise not to fall into the trap, you never know how he will be using you.

By Amanda

30.05.13 11:21 AM

@Rajpriya
I'm going to clarify some of my posts so they can be interpreted as they are intended to be. In my life I find the best in someone before I look at the bad. When I sent the picture of me and Zaheer to Rizwanna it was because I felt his shame on how he let me down. He didnt just hide from what he had done he was embarrassed that he couldn't stand ground to his parents. Why I'm defending him after seeming so angry is because I know his heart and his upbringing from his parents shine in him. Since this marriage he has fallen to pieces and I'm upset because for me to help him and stand by the man that completes me I must listen to his heart. When he is getting late for work and suffering from alcohol addiction now it worries me. I'm unable to bare his child.. His sister tried to find ways we could hide this. My having two previous children and being divorced was very hard for him to tell to his parents. My anger is pain and that's because I'm always missing him. When we first met I kissed him and in that very moment I told him "we are meant to find eachother but not now" it's a feeling that shot through my soul. How happy we were together until the unbearable moment where he had to face the inevitable. His parents are not well and his dad was in hospital during his visit there. He has compassion for his parents and its understandable that he didnt want to cause them worry. It's time to let go of the stereotypical thought that I was easy for him to use. Matter fact he posted me on his Facebook as the one he wanted to walk his path of happiness with. Things don't always go as planned but if its meant to be then there is no stopping it. I will not be with him as a married man but I hope you understand that having shared every dream, fear and ambitions with eachother there is a strong spiritual bond. It's kinda like when you go to call a friend and they call you at the same time. He is my half that makes me whole and being without him has actually made my heart grow fonder. As for his marriage and his obligations I can never stand in his way but see much deeper than what the typical person might see. He is lost without me and that's why after I sent the picture of us at his graduation to his wife he lost it. But that anger left quickly as he called me over. We didnt do anything to violate the marriage but he held me, kissed my forehead and said sleep now and forgive me. I felt used because I worked so hard keeping everything tidy around the house, making his appointments, cooking his dinner just to be forgotten in my mind. In reality he remembers everything. I'm in menopause so wanting sexual relations wasn't the criteria to our happiness. It was the laughs, dreams and smile that we shared. The feeling of being comfortable and at one with eachother. He adored that I didn't care what others thought and I tried so hard preparing his food. I remember how he would insist on having friends and co workers come over just to have them try my cooking. Lol it was always to spicy for them but he loved it. He would sing to me and cook very delicious meals as well. He was a perfect father to my children and always kept their best interest at heart. So, I just want to respond to the comment its woman like me whom make it easy for Indian men to cheat. "It is a woman like me who can change the way a man see's beauty" items I feel he betrayed me but at that same note I can forgive him, if its meant to be it will be... His text to me this evening at 11:30pm after a week of no texting showed me that the moments we cherish can't be replaced. I'd also like to add that if one loves so deep they can speak harsh words to eachother. If they have no love then it's a waste of breath to argue in the first place. I'm sure everyone that has loved can relate to that. God bless you for your insight as my comments are just relating to why I feel my Indian man cheated.

By Amanda

30.05.13 10:31 AM

@SRT I'm very confident he started as a fraud but I happen to know him from the deepest inner most part of his being. He is in love with me and that's why he can't let me go. It isn't a sexual thing with Ali. Or we would have had a lot more of that. It was a connection that I felt we were a team. When I hear of comments individuals leave about Indian man just wants what they believe are easy it disgusts me. How about the western woman who found her one connection and never bothered to question his race or nationality? I felt at home with him. Maybe having the open mind of meeting halfway and adjusting to accommodate and respect the beauty of eachothers customs came so easy for us. I appreciate your words of wisdom and hope that my specific reasons for why I feel he cheated matter to me. The most important reason is pressure. His co-workers expressed that to me. Many of his peers have stated he called me "his angel". When mad I show it but when it all comes down to the final response from me I will stand by him so long as he reaches out for me and there is hope. I never lose that hope. Until that day comes I'll just keep all these feelings inside, for the right time. I can promise even though he married, I know what position I hd to him. I will always care for my Zaheer Ali :) pain is self chosen.

By Amanda

30.05.13 10:06 AM

@Priya
I find the examples of the German man very interesting. It's sad that the few people in the world who believe in humanity and trust all people get hurt the most. Many don't understand what pain my ex caused me around my neighborhood. Only one side comments on here suggest its my fault he would cheat. I was with him first. If one could see the looks I get for being with this man. The fights he got into defending me. There are so many prejudice people that there is know way anyone could say its him whom is blackmailed. It is me who faces my family and neighbors now. I only sent the picture of me and Zaheer to his wife not her family. So if I'm being portrayed as a fatal attraction lover... Defiantly I'm not! I'm more of a "sleepless in Seattle" or like Rose on the "Titanic" my heart goes on but my love sunk in a body of water so deep that I'm left with picking up all the pieces. Good luck to you and may you have many blessings in you time. :)

By Priya

29.05.13 07:11 PM

"One will never understand this feeling of being torn until they lose the one that only could make them whole. If not in this life I’m sure we will cross paths again."
Only when a person looses someone they love they would realize how it feels. That is my only comparison RAJ. I never compare my life with anyone else or narrate another persons story over and over and I never beat around a bush to prove I am right in any comment :)

Raj it is only this one line that I did mention similar to my understanding and circumstance. You do not need to compare her whole life story to mine. Kindly read the comment well before you comment.

Thank u for all the support. Yes by Gods grace I am stronger now and have decided to move on in life. I thank eachone who has supprted me at one point to help me realize the fact that we all have just one life and its best to cross the hurdles and keep walking. All the very best to all in life. God bless.

By Rajpriya

29.05.13 10:56 AM

@SRT,

You said it right. There is a huge difference between an Indian man and an Indian woman that go overseas for education. While an Indian man would indulge in all the extracurricular (wine, women and song) stuff available abroad most Indian women would stay focused on completing their education and settle down to a decent one-man way of life.

Here is the true story of a German family I know. I lived in a different village for a year and my German neighbor became a close friend of my family. Even after I moved out of that village our friendship continued. He had two sons. One of them became a lawyer.

Brought up in a conservative German environment the lawyer son was an out of the ordinary gentleman type of guy. He was a soft spoken, shy, and a pleasant personality. One day he went on a holiday to Cuba, met a woman in the beach, and fell in love with her. He returned to Germany to discuss with his parents for their blessings.

Since he had no other girl in his life before in Germany (quite unusual in the 21st century for any German boy) his parents blessed him by going all the way to Cuba for the modest church wedding attended by relations and people known only to the Cuban Girl. The story that unfolded after she came over to Germany, is worth making a movie on.

She turned into a Drama Queen. Every four or five months she got home sick, made this this man buy several bags full of German stuff to impress her family in Cuba. This was a woman who was from a Cuban slum hanging around the beach to pray on foreign tourists. The boy became unhappy and could not afford the luxury life she had made plans to live in.

All peaceful talks with her to settle to a modest life style failed. She started threatening to commit suicide often with violent outbursts of anger. The love affair ended in courts and even living in separation did not stop her visiting him to threaten him for money.

Now separated she is said to be changing her men often that support her newly acquired life style in the west.

Years later he gets involved with an eastern European woman who came to him to file divorce proceedings against her husband.

Trusting her, he confides all the experience with the Cuban woman. I think any one could easily guess what unraveled there after. He had to go to courts to get out of another mess with so much mental stress to his parents who are more heart broken than their son.

Half way through in his 50s’, I am dead certain in spite of what all happened to previous relationships he would continue to want to find the love of his life. It is normal for any man or woman to want a life’s companion for keeps. Its just bad luck that a good person meets the wrong person at times.

Life must go on and it’s a dead end only when we are dead. Life provides many opportunities to take U-Turns as long as we live.

By SRT

29.05.13 01:55 AM

Amanda, the guy you loved is fraud, there are many Indians who come with a mindset of having fun with a white woman and then disappear thinking that these women wont mind. But, not all Indians are that way, I have not dont that. I feel very sorry for you, just keep in mind that if you meet an Indian who claims to love and marry you, it is just he is expresing to have sex with you and that is the end and all other stuff he gives is BS.

By Rajpriya

29.05.13 12:30 AM

@Priya,

I am surprised that you find that you have something common with Amanda. You married someone chosen by your parents and as per Indian tradition, culture and loved him. I found nothing wrong with that. The choice your parents made has gone wrong.

In Amanda’s story she had fallen in love with an Indian who went to US for education. I believe that you both loved your men very deeply. The similarity ends with that part.

Probably Amanda’s man had his future wife was chosen before he went overseas. According to her narration he found it convenient to use her to over come his financial shortcomings and may be had sex before marriage that would not be normally possible in India. He used her until he needed her and dumped her for an Indian wife. In both cases the Love has been one sided.

If you read her comments correctly you would know how she tried to blackmail him back to her by sending photographs of them together to every relation known to her of that man. If she calls that an unending love I refuse to understand. You never hurt someone you love irrespective how bad he or she is to you. The end could not be anything good.

Things any one could have done to you in the past should not influence nor stand as an obstacle to your future. As a one who wishes a bright future for you I most welcome your statement “he will never be the only one”.

The man who did not want to be with should not define your future. Now that you have made that decision you could define your future. If my comments were unacceptable and that made you change your mind that “he will never be the only one” you have become a much stronger person than Amanda. That’s exactly I expected you to do.

About the part anyone being always right is, there are always two sides to any story. In the Oprah Show the two disagreeing people are brought in to an open discussion so that both could come out with their side for proper observations could be made to find if the two could ever be brought together again.

In the absence of the second side of any difficult relationship bringing people together would be difficult. If my comments upset you I agree I have failed to make them acceptable. However I do not accept that you and Amanda have similar circumstances.

No trouble will trouble you the moment you decide to end it. That's what I want you to do. Start living your life this minute. Its too short.

By Priya

28.05.13 07:36 PM

Hello Raj,

Thank u for the comment.

Just making it clear I am not the kind of women who would fall for mens silly flowery comments. Never been and never will. I been married to the man my family chose for me.
For the point where u say we all like to feel we are right. Sorry cant agree....I know I am right and that is why I say so. Hurt, yell, gamble, cheat etc etc....well i am sure anyone can say who is wrong.
Its sad you have not understood me despite being my long comments of what I been through.Till this very point only one man has been in my life and thats my X husband. But heres the good news, he will never be the only one. I learned from my past and I know the kind of man I need in my life.

I have not been unloading any of my sadness and new experiences here for a reallly long time. I have just commented on one of the posts what I felt is right just the way you have been doing.

Nothing personal. Just like u and anyone else I am here to speak my views.

Thank u for the advice on leaving the past in the past. Yes I am sure doing my best.
Like Amanda says I totally agree on her one point. The one who has gone through it would only know how it feels.

A bit of advice to all women out there who have been through hell as u fallen in love with the wrong man(Indian man). Dump them and moveon. Trust me the day u get them out of ur heart and mind, you are a free bird. They are just not worth ur love. Dont waste ur time trying to pin them down. Rather live ur life to the fullest and make them feel sorry for leaving u. Trust me this works so much better than wasting ur time messing with their life or trying to prove ur point of u once loving them or u now hating them. Just live.........

By Rajpriya

28.05.13 03:50 PM

@Amanda,

I trust your undying love towards this Indian guy. I think now that he is married you should not encourage him coming to you anymore. Otherwise you are aiding and abetting him to cheat on his wife.

The crux of this post is exactly "Why do so many Indian men Cheat". May be its because of people like you Indian men cheat.

Even after he left you and got married to an Indian woman you are trying to break up his marriage by posting photographs to his family and God knows what else you would get up to.

Finally if you win by getting him back after he has children by the Indian woman you have ruined that Indian woman’s and her childrens’ life.

The movie “Fatal Attraction” is about a computer specialist sued for sexual harassment by a former lover turned boss who initiated the act forcefully, which threatens both his career and his personal life. I am certain you have watched this movie yourself and I only hope you are not inspired it.

I am sorry I had to say this after reading your many of your comments. No one else has thought it was necessary or dared to tell you.

By Amanda

28.05.13 08:00 AM

Believing that I could walk away from a love some may only find in a thousand years is so scary to me. I walked away to bring peace to my loves life. Normally one might say never give up on love or walk away from someone you once held. My situation is completely heartbreaking in that I fell in love in a spiritual way that somehow connected me to my Indian love. If I say that deep down inside he was horrible it would be a lie. My heart goes on but the pain doesn't. I dream of a world where love overcomes all traditions and expectations. Just yesterday my ex called me to come and couldn't understand why I didn't go. If anything in this life could bring him home to me, it has to happen while I'm absent from him. If our love is strong and meant to be it will but until then I could never interfere with the marriage he has vowed to. I believe it's not just he came here and felt free, but rather he came where his spirit brought him. I believe he wasn't strong in the presence of family and his weakness is his love for me. Maybe I seem angry ready to test others but in the end I'm just in shock that the world has separated two hearts that were guided to each other. It's sad but true. As mad as I am my heart still yearns for him. One will never understand this feeling of being torn until they lose the one that only could make them whole. If not in this life I'm sure we will cross paths again. God bless all that suffer this feeling.

By Rajpriya

27.05.13 06:19 AM

@Priya,

After watching two German formula 1 drivers win the first and second places in the Monaco Grand Prix yesterday I happened to watch “Friday evenings with Oprah” on TV.

Yes! This post looks like would never end because every now and then someone is coming with their own disappointing experience with Indian men. Interestingly many American men who were suspected of cheating on their wives faced the lie detector.

During the course of the show a book named “Truth about Cheating” written by Gary Neuman was introduced. It caught my attention immediately because only a day earlier I had made a comment on this post at NRI.

Reading an introductory short version of the story (Book is on sale at Amazon) I thought this it would be an interesting book for all women and men to read.

Love is strange thing. Mostly women are known to fall easy for cute compliments made by men. Compliments make women attracted to a man. Once a man has initially succeeded in attracting a woman with compliments (whether she deserves them or not) he builds on this acceptance of true or false compliments with a cunningness nature has bestowed on him. He works hard until a woman is well and truly in his clutches.

If one looks critically into this aspect you would also know that women reject even the most honest of compliments or flattery coming from a not so good-looking man.

Please do not take these comments personally. How long a love or relationship lasts is a two way game. Women also play (as discussed in this show) a major role in relationships lasting or breaking up.

It's normal that everyone thinks he or she is always right. In German language the word for this attitude is “Rechthaberisch”. I would not go deeper into this subject because I am neither a marriage counselor nor a human psychologist who could deal with broken marriages.

However, I am a strong believer in giving a chance for wounds to heal and refrain from scratching them over and over again.

Starting a new life or often called turning over a new leaf or chapter in your life means you should bury the old one as quickly as possible and be ready to start new. A balance from the old experiences should never be brought forward into your new life.

Balances brought forward are good only for accounting purposes when money is involved. At all difficult times in life, a faultfinding mission would only lead to another failure than help go forwards. Start being positive and see you do not repeat the mistakes and your future man would not like to know of your past.

By Priya

26.05.13 04:58 PM

This post is never going to end. Hopefully it would end for me some day though.

Men are men ...Indian or non indian. Western or indian born. The traits are more or less the same. That is what I have realized with time. Culture, respect, family values exist in every country. Those who know it value it and those who were never thought, will never know. One learns from their family or their life experiences and that makes them the person who they are. One has the freedom to choose what is good for mi or her. Choice to choose what u want to be despite all you been through and taught. Sadly many pick the wrong behavior.
Western world is always an open ground for Indian men to enjoy their life secretly while they keep their good image safe in their home country. We all have the right to live our lives to the fullest, but kindly make sure it should never be at the cost of another person or family's happiness. Those men who do not value women growup for heaven sake and learn to be a man. If you do not have the guts to marry the women you love or do not have the guts to speak to your family of the women u love. Then why on earth do you even bother starting such a relationship. Choose someone from your own country. Make it clear to a women u meet overseas no plans of marriage just chilling. Why on earth fool them, make false promises. If you have the back bone of a man, then marry the women you love OR as a looser hide the truth and walk away.

By Rajpriya

25.05.13 12:07 PM

To all the western Ladies.

Being highly educated Indian parents does not necessarily mean the well-educated techies were taught how to treat a western woman. Expectations of western women in Indian men based on: coming from a highly educated family, high technical qualifications, and good looks and other qualities can end in disappointment as expressed by many through this article.

The western women need to qualify on what to expect from an Indian man. Even all the qualifications in the west do not provide the western women enough education to change an Indian man’s attitude towards treating them better or decently. There should be special Universities in the west for Indian men. To learn what western women expect and how they need to change their attitude. Prepare them for the basics of a life with western women. This may help but with no satisfaction guaranteed and with no dowry money refunded.

Indian men and women grow up in an Indian four-walled family asylum right into their adult life. The first window they could see through is the West. When they leave their refuge a life to the “Free West” the educational qualification is the only tool they take along for success. The west is for those let loose Indian men still the "good Ole" gun toting "Wild West."

There was only one Indian who ever kept his word, never went back on his word, and never went back on what he uttered as a promise. The other being, he never uttered a lie in his life. These qualities led him to separation from his family.

No Indian man wants to be separated from his family like "Harischandra" or like in the west. That’s the reason why they continue to keep telling lies for their family’s sake.

Please do not tear us away from our Indian families.Indian men like to enjoy the best of worlds. Thank You

By Amanda

24.05.13 01:36 PM

When I exposed my Indian love to his wife after catching him up in his lies.. On Facebook i sent pics and explained he was a daily drinker and would drive drunk. She never said anything to him until his DUI came about .. Lol then she confronts him. Next he texts me saying "bloody bit** I hope you never have love in your life" he vowed to never see me again... Haha within two weeks I messaged him and he came to my house, then invited me to his several times after. These poor mothers and fathers of Indian girls specific because I know it happens everywhere they are arranged and if the truth gets exposed that they broke their marital vows the woman with proof like American woman sending them actual videos , phone records will get marriage annulled and then he can pay money owed from the terms of the marriage. Be brave beautiful Indian woman and get rid of new marriages that are fake with no good Liars, before its too late and then a actual divorce will be much harder to obtain. Eventually Indian woman will be ruling the house and the men will be waiting on them to return to get their visas... Girl power

By Amanda

24.05.13 01:20 PM

Angela I do believe your name came across my ex Indian loves wife's aunties friends list out of Huntsville, Alabama

By Amanda

24.05.13 01:13 PM

I really want to add that I spoke with my Indian boyfriends mom on several occasions where she asked me to please keep him safe in the USA. She knew we were dating matter fact at his college graduation party his uncle from Cali took pics of us. It was no surprise at all. Even all his brothers have spoken with me. What it boils down to is shame to face other fellow Indian couples in the USA. It might sound blunt but when your Indian love graduates, lands a job and moves expect in about a year he will take a trip to India to see family, get married, apply for her visa and within another year when he gets citizenship he will drop you, use you and get mad as hell when you send all your pictures to his wife including the ones after their marriage occurred and before she comes to join him and have his baby and live in the home why he works rarely leaving, maybe for church and back home. Have his lunch made at 12 when he comes for 30 min clean house and raise children. Sounds like a good life huh... Well maybe I will start acting like I know nothing and busting every lying no good man doing these things!!! No means am I talking about all Indian men but if the still don't have a job after graduation watch out they will keep you until they get settled then bye bye.... My plan is to date every one I can take pictures together kissing and send it to India times let their faces be know. That will be the best way to handle these guys.

By Lynn Cee

24.05.13 03:40 AM

So glad I found this blog: Misery loves company and comic relief. Just experienced close encounters of a weird kind, right here in good ole' "Silly Valley" (CA), with two Indian-North Americans (one a Canadian, like me); both well-educated techies from highly educated families. Yet those two could have been raised at an asylum somewhere, given their controlling, Alpha-male, physically aggressive behavior — and in public! Just absolutely and blatantly fixated on the physical and extrinsic to the point where I felt like a Porterhouse steak at Whole Foods Market — and I am no youngster. Is it Internet oggling plus all those upper-middle class expectations and constraints that unhinges these guys in their downtime? And one of them appears to be married — to an attorney (not Indian) who looks like a bruiser who would take no guff or prisoners. Both have done major time in Texas ... and maybe that's an extra warning. One, a randy chimp-in-heat; the other, a smooth überliar and classic jerk.
Needless to say, those two sullied my very high esteem (from afar) for Desi dudes. Also fairly needless to say: I bid both a glad farewell at the first opportunity to escape.

By Rajpriya

08.02.13 02:16 PM

Hi Dr_Idli

Long time no hear. Yes I admit you may be right. My intention was to explain things in a less technical way so that even average people could understand.

I have enough experience in fingerprinting of printing machines to establish the characteristic curve of each machine (they are all different for various reasons) so as to manipulate a the digital artwork to obtain the required result when priting.

If I write on that then as you say the plot of this post may be lost. However,this all about why men are all different and why they do what they do.
So forgive me if I did deviate.

By Dr_idli

08.02.13 01:42 PM

Rajpriya : that's an elaborate analogy ! Probably a statistician can have come up with a better one - maybe with the mean , a normal distribution curve , standard deviation ect ...

This is definitely a very much commented post ! where somehow i just lost the plot !

By Rajpriya

08.02.13 01:35 PM

The era of decent and good Indian men is long gone. You may find those isolated rare fine Indian gentlemen existing but they may be really very old and living until this day with their one and only women. Leaving India may be a solution looking for a white man. However a guaranteed 100% satisfaction may be very elusive. We humans are well known for looking for things that don’t exist.

It could be an acid test. Acid tests are done to establish the pH value that is a measure of the strength of an acid or a base. It is indicated on a scale from 0-14. On printing machines the fountain solutions prevent the non-image areas of a printing plate taking on ink. If this solution is not of neutral pH value it may become impossible to obtain a clean print on paper. Too alkaline or too acidic solutions may end up in disastrous results. It may be you print a few hundred sheets or millions of prints. Cutting down the number of variables is important to get desirable and constant results right through to the end.

The life of a man and woman is almost similar with the exception that any such standardization by bringing down variables may be impossible because imposing a quality control system for human production has not been invented so far. Therefore we need manage with what is available and make the best out of our lives and move on.

By Priya

07.02.13 09:12 PM

Hi,
After a long time. First Amanda let me say this is what a major portion of Indian men do. They maintain relationships with foreigners and marry Indian women. Usual excuse his parents forced him, religion, culture etc etc.......this is all nonsense said by major indians living overseas. Get out of there. He just needs a Indian women to do his housework and you alongside to satify his desires. Leave Amnada and live ur life with a decent man who values u as a wife and not a second women . All the best.

Men are men. Been in India for more than a year and I tell you . I hate this place for all reasons. The men here are ridiculous. Let it be the CEO, MD ,Ex Director or MGR they all behave the bloody hell the same. You want a job then satify them. You want a promotion be with them. Insane lot...I am seriously thinking of finding a foreigner. Its pointless marrying an Indian. It runs in their blood they consider pride or power or competition. Its ridiculous just ridiculous.
God knows how the women live in this country

By Rajpriya

04.02.13 10:23 PM

“In India cheating is some sort of a birth right. It’s no shame to cheat”.

You may be right. why on earth do we idiotic Indians continue wasting valuable energy and time on Lokpal and Lokayukta that deprive us of our birth right?

By njoyguru

04.02.13 08:01 PM

yea cheating is the most praised and prized act in India. Specially when you do it on others to get your work done. It is considered as the best part of your intelligence. And when it's a matter of intelligence there is no point of reflecting.In India cheating is some sort of a birth right. It's no shame to cheat. Across India it is well practiced in different forms and levels. Irrespective of gender, education and economy cheating is a salient feature of Indian culture. As a whole sense of morality is quite different among Indians compare to western world. I guess it has to do with religion and quality of education.

By Angela Carson

28.01.13 01:23 PM

Wow, Amanda, that is quite a story. I was with someone who "knew it wouldn't work" because of his parents but he was very forthcoming with that from the start. It must be heart breaking to know that you were lied to so much and that he didn't have the nerve to tell you how things honestly stood. You can't change this part of Indian society and very few men will ever go against their parent's or family's wishes -- it is what it is. The best advice I can give, if you don't mind, is to move on and never look back. Your self worth is very important and it will start to deteriorate under a false shell of a relationship and anything this guy can give you because you have such strong feelings for him (if it was just a fling this would not be the case, but you love him). Best of luck! -angela

By Amanda

28.01.13 12:37 PM

I'm at the right place for this topic. I think cheating goes on everywhere and culture or where your from doesn't matter. I've been involved with a Indian man for almost three years. He graduated and began working, then his parents wanted him to marry. He told me there was no future but kept hanging on to me. He left for his week trip to India taking leave from his job to get married. He called me often missing me telling me he didn't get married. Upon arriving back to the US he say's in October I'll be going back for marriage and still has relations with me. I became quite nosy and snooped while cleaning his room only to find his marriage certificate with the names and addresses of both her father and his. He continues to lie to me and maybe I'm in the wrong for being with him but after all I had him first and still even after marriage he is with me. What does this say for his marriage? Did he do it to only please his parents? Surely a man of his intelligence knows how easy for a woman to gossip would be. Just wanted to share my story.

By raj

29.08.12 11:43 AM

Lets not hide the fact that both Women and men cheat, Humans by instinct belong to the class of Polygamy, like Bulls, cows, dogs, peacocks, Lions.(But forced by society to follow Monogamy ) Unlike Japanese crane and Foxes who live with a single partner till death.

Indian culture is 100% male domination. So no wonder that more Men cheat than Women. But Women admire Handsome men and fantasize even if they don't have the guts to go out for a relationship.

By Priya

21.07.12 10:44 AM

Ha haaa...u sure made me laugh Rajpriya.

Love that story.

Go Girl Goo...thats the attitude that would work with such men.

Why on earth do these fellows even bother to marry if they want to still have a boring bachelor life. When they are single they wanna be a couple and when a couple they wanna be single. Ridiculous!!!!!

This topic is sure never ending and always fun to read.

Hey Angela and Rajpriya u seem to be very positive women. Would be great to hear from the two of u. I know this isnt a friend search site. But am using the opportunity. Drop me a line if u wanna be friends. priyamathews2010@gmail.com

Take care and God bless.

By Rajpriya

21.07.12 01:43 AM

@Indians blame women

A muscular macho man married a good-looking woman. After the wedding he told her, "Here are my rules":

“I will come home whenever I want, and I want no fuss from you. I expect a super dinner every evening, but I might call to tell you that I am not coming home. I'll go hunting, fishing, play cards and drink with my mates when I want and where I want, so you can’t lose your cool. These are my rules. What do you have to say?”

So the newly married wife said. “Oh! That’s perfectly, OK by me. But you must know that that every evening sharp at eight I would be having sex whether you are home or not”

Aw me Gawd!

By Molly

21.07.12 01:05 AM

Here's a different perspective. A wife needs her husband for emotional, monetary, and family support right? If he is giving those things, he is supporting her, why should she divorce him (losing the income) over silly whores who will have sex with a married man? Wives don't want to have sex with their husbands as much as their husband's would like, but they do like the income... It's also good that they are discreet about it as telling the wife would worry, upset, and show disrespect to the honorable Mommy of the family (the truly important woman in this equation is the beloved wife). The wife wins here not the silly girl drinking wine and fucking a married man.

By Priya

16.07.12 05:28 PM

Hi,

This is the rough truth about indian marriages. You can agree with or not , its ur choice. Let me make it clear I am not here for an argument with anyone but just sharing my opinion.

Indian marriages on a 90% are arranged. And yes to a large extent this is a problem- lack of intimacy, different views and entirely different wave lengths. BUT....the bigger problem is men chooose to marry indian women bcoz he knows indian women are perfect for getting all the house work done while they relax. Overseas hub and wife share the work equaly, which i believ should be the way as both work full time nowdays unlike the past. now when it comes to sex the men want th white women bcoz thats th fantacy . So indian women for their house work and whites for sex. If u think all foreigners are having mad sex after having kids, indian men ur worng. They are women just like indian women. Priorities, health, hormones so many things involved which causes change in them. You got to understand they have given birth to ur children, value it for heaven sake.
Men who roam for different dishes will always be the same , no matter which country they are from. Unfortunately its more in India. White women are not sluts for ur kind info, i know so many very decent women and families leading superb family lives, people who value marriage and relations. High time you get this wrong thoughts out of ur head.
Change urselves and realize what u have in life. Do NOT take ur wives for granted, bcoz if u do one day she will walk out and then it will be too late for u to fix things. And trust me no fantacy girl will be there for u.

"Stop Taking Your Wives For Granted " Marriage is not all about sex. If thats what u prioritize , then my friends thats the problem that needs to be addressed. Grow up to be a man and then marry. The success of a marriage is the success of the man and its failure is his failure. And that is y we say the man is the head of the family, the head of the house. Its not just a line, it is very true. If u find ur wifes off track , well ur men get them back in th mood. Nothing is impossible, if u have the time to roam and search , adjust with other women- y cant u just use that time to get to knw ur women and bring back that love in ur lives.

Women out there- Be broad minded get ur butts moving and keep urselves fit. Admit it tend to be sluggish after being a mom, but that is no excuse to put on weight. Dont do it for hub., but do it for your self.To be confident,pretty and healthy would mean to be a perfect mom, wife and women.

Its never too late to change ur lives

By srt

15.07.12 04:13 AM

Well, it doesnt matter. I have friends from all race and they all do the same and Indian men are no different. Indian wives are worried about security, like one of my colleagues whose husband was in an affair, she was worried that he was spending money on the other women and that was the main reason for fights.

By Indians blame women

14.07.12 09:12 PM

So it's ok to cheat.

By srt

14.07.12 12:46 PM

Smashing the face? well, do all Indian wifes recprocate when the men call them for a sex? Indian women are very eager to have kids. After having kids, they are just cold turkey, men have to plead, cajole and fight for sex. Indian women just lose interset. What else can indian men do? try to address the root problem, every thing else falls into place

By Som

14.07.12 02:46 AM

Very simple answer to this:

1. Most Indian guys end up in arranged marriages, where there is no love, and hence no sense of loyalty. So they chase tail to try to get affection or excitement in some other way

2. You're white, and therefore in India, a prize. Moreover, the general perception in India is that white women are sluts. Therefore every guy is trying to get some.

By Indians blame women

12.07.12 04:29 AM

I read all the comments here and it seems like the Indians believe it is all the wife's fault. Sorry, but men are guilty too. It's sad there is a country called India that always blames the woman.

By Rajpriya

11.07.12 10:16 PM

@ Priya,

Going by his nick name it was the most obvious question to ask him. I will wait to see what he has say.

By Priya

11.07.12 09:42 PM

Hats of to you Rajpriya. Like your question.

Indian man have proved his true behavior once again as a looser. You men need to marry robots not women.

"INDIAN MEN, YOU HAVE LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO IF YOU DONT WANT YOUR WOMEN TO CHEAT ON YOU"

By Rajpriya

11.07.12 09:37 PM

@Hubby of cheating wife,

There seems to be a lot of truth in what you say but please tell us why your wife is cheating on you?

By Hubby of cheating wife

11.07.12 08:55 PM

Indian man is just as passionate as any other man. However, once they he gets married and his wife has one child:
-she does not take care of her shape and size

-she will put 100% focus on kids

- only time she will talk to husband is when she wants to complain about her inlaws

- she is very passive in bed and never makes the first move

- she gets boring after 10 years of marriage, all she is worried about is how to be a house wife - not "the wife"

- she wears boring clothing and jewellery

INDIAN WIVES, YOU HAVE LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO IF YOU DONT WANT YOUR MEN TO CHEAT ON YOU

By I know Indians cheat

07.07.12 03:00 AM

Indians are the biggest cheaters. I dated three Indian guys and they all cheated on me. I went to my boyfriend's apartment from India and there was another woman standing there with some food she had cooked for them. Another slime ball Indian asked me to ha e sex with him and I said no. He jumped on me like a wild monkey and I found out he was married. The third ,an asked me to marry him and I told him I would not have sex with him until we were married. He was married to someone else. What men from India. I will spit on an indian if I see one again.

By kateryna

22.06.12 11:55 PM

This is very good post not only for information,but for education.It will be good if this kind post show up in media teach our childrens and teenage about men who cheating.Spasially if it indian cultural.Becouse,yes,u right they show on old style movie total diferent things what happen in reality.
Country should stop promote degradation of humans education and lifestyle.If men keep going do this and think it is normal,must cut dick.Sorry to be rude.But this is good solution for those "innocent" cheaters.
What about weather heat,i can say somethinh it true,but mostly it not becouse heat,but becouse of curry food.That what one Nepal woman had been told me.
One thing what they should proud about is theirs wife who keep them in the chain by marriedge.But even sometimes that is false duo mardering or some other terible things..Hope that gonna change by time.I hope also that in Ukraine also the society will be without drugs and alcogolic peoples

By Rajpriya

20.05.12 09:41 PM

@@Sahil,
The blog is not a comparison between the horny Ukraine girls @-40°C
or their Indian counter parts @+40°C. Further it is certainly not a discussion about your sexual prowess @-40°C. At that temperature you might find it hard to straighten your finger.

It is about the many married Indian men cheating on their wives.

If you are an Indian man and have been screwing around in Ukraine then you rightly fall into the type of men described in this blog if you were married. German Psychologist Robert Feldman in his research found that during a ten-minute talk, people lied three times and some as much as twelve times.

Simply put every human being is a liar he says and people don’t say things that are not true hundreds of times a day but often. He says lies are usually not planned, as we might tend to think. Many people had lied about their aged at least once. Many people have made others believe they were younger or even older for reasons best known only to them as and when a particular situation demanded.

Many young people exaggerated the amount of alcohol they could consume and older people made out their drinking habits sound harmless. These lies are known as cosmetic lies says the Psychologist. The expert also says some people invent a lie to impress someone to relate an embarrassing experience in a less serious form in way to suppress their insecurity.

We pay false compliments to people to be liked by them. These false compliments are motivated by sincere thoughts to please someone and not hurt his or her feelings. But thank God no one really retorts we are lying because they don’t suspect us of lying.

In other words we lie to each other all the time but is it not the best way to move in life with out hurting each other? Watch yourself and you will be surprised how often you are lying.

By sahil

20.05.12 06:53 PM

one thing i would like to tell you about the climate factor..i have lived in ukraine and found out that some girls are more horny at -40c than some indian girls at +40c..boys chasing girls is a universal phenomenon and i it goes on till that man has sexual desires..i dont think in india there is any special case.

By May

25.04.12 01:39 PM

Priya,
Rajpriya gave you some important points at this juncture in your life.
your parents as well as you will be emotionally attached to this problem in your life. When we are attached like that we do not think objectively that is why a councillor can help you and give you courage to go forward. indirectly she can help your parents through you. You can take one or two years to sort out this problem. use that time to understand your needs, aspirations and life purpose etc so that the next person you accept into your life will be aligned with your personal needs.

By Priya

24.04.12 08:01 PM

Dear May and Rajpriya,

I truly thank u both for ur concern. Ur advices means a lot to me at this point.

Am trying my best to help myself , its just my parents are so disturbed with everything, my dad is sick and now my mom getting ill. To watch them in tears and all distressed adds to my worries 10times more. I needed their support and advice, but here I am trying to help them when I myself am ground bottom struggling with my emotions and health. This is some test God have put me through.

I will take ur advices seriously and hope for the best in life. God bless

By Rajpriya

24.04.12 04:29 PM

Hi Priya,

The more you think about what ruined your life the more you suffer than the person who caused all the pain. May be that was what the intention was to cause pain. The sooner you pick up yourself and move on to be happy the pain will disappear.

Start thinking differently, find friends and find different things to talk about that would get you over the top. Don’t let the past get you down and do not be too hasty in making new commitments to find happiness.

Take positive attitudes towards a better future and do believe you can be happy after all. All good things take their own time to happen. Your patience will provide the happiness you are temporarily denied.

Wish you the best for your future.

By May

24.04.12 03:03 PM

Priya,
Get help and move on. I am sure Australia may have relationship councillors who can help you in that process. A life well lived will be the best revenge.

By Priya

23.04.12 04:48 PM

Atheist- ur lines is exactly what I say back to you. I never said u said it to me. So kindly dont put your words into mouth, it is definitely not a decent thing to do. I didnt mention u saying that at all.

"I never suggested you are cheating. Once again, please, read and comprehend what you read. Don’t put words into my mouth, it is not the decent thing to do in an argument."

Read carefully- FOR THE GUY who do not know anyone here and their story. Ur judging us too quick. You dont know our story – our life. Who said we are cheating on our spouses and we are justifyng ourselves now.

The person who made that comment knows who it is. U dont have jump to conclusions and feel that I am talking just to you here.

Now for ur buttering or for men which is adding whisky and beer for the extra ......its just so obvious
Like I said I dont care.....
I have got nothing personal against you so lets just drop this talk between us.

May so sad to hear about ur friend.
Seems like I am going to end up the same after marrying an Indian man as well. I have so lost hope in marriages and trust in men now. All i can concentrate and care for is my job now.
Would I ever be able to trust a man again is sure a question to me now. Ah and yes I do real well in my job by Gods grace. But I seriously, deep down my heart wish one day..jus one day I be lucky and meet that one real MAN. I wont giveup ....got one life and one day I will meet that man who would make my life complete.

http://www.avert.org/india-hiv-aids-statistics.htm
this is on the basis of 2008
double the amount is claimed by others.
If Indian man is very chaste then these numbers will not have appeared. My friends and me have very bad opinion based on our experience in India. Here nobody bother us the way men did in India. If you travel in our shoes you will understand our feelings. One of my friends is still unmarried. She may never marry again that is what an Indian man can do to his wife. I feel she is very afraid of men as a whole. She is very successful in her profession because she spent all her time in that now

By May

22.04.12 10:34 PM

Atheist,
When I wrote about testosterone I wrote on the basis of information i got from a friend of mine whose job is to measure human hormones through some tests. Steroid levels are affected many things not only inbreeding so if u are interested you can check it out I am not interested in biological sciences. in any case whether Indian man have more steroids or whether they are cheating etc no longer bother me since I left that country few years ago and may not even visit it again so why I bother about it. it is all in the past.

By Atheist Indian

22.04.12 04:39 PM

@ Priya
I use complicated words only when there aren't simple alternatives. I am not really the impress-people-with-big-words type.

I said it how it is, without PC sugarcoating or buttering. As an unmarried young man who doesn't believe in marriage, why would I want to excuse the philandering of married 30 and 40 year olds? A man who strays can find his own reason(s), whether I give him that or not.

I never suggested you are cheating. Once again, please, read and comprehend what you read. Don't put words into my mouth, it is not the decent thing to do in an argument.

By Priya

22.04.12 02:55 PM

Hi,

You can keep going with all the toughest words in the dictionary and the highest language you can use to keep trying to make ur point. Dosent bother me at all.

I said what i have to out , whether either of u agree or not dosent change my views.

So ur point- Having kids is th reason been for wifes to loose interest in their hubs and as a result as man cheats. U make it sound like its just the wife who needs a child.
Well i guess thats just an excuse a man would say inorder to cheat. Blame their wifes for lack of interest, make a reason for them to stray.

For the guy who do not know anyone here and their story. Ur judging us too quick. You dont know our story - our life. Who said we are cheating on our spouses and we are justifyng ourselves now.
Pin The blame- Dude.....if u do not know th person and their story dont jump to conclusions. People who have been thrgh marital issues only will be able to truly understand the point.Its not pinning a blame or justifying.