Eh.. Sucks... i dun think i can get my A for my law paper already lar...

*whine whine*

Didnt have time to finish and it was pretty hard.. And Eddy is not free to meet me. And i haven got my digicam yet. When i just walked out of my void deck to the bus stop, it didnt rain. It POURED. Overall, it is a sucky sucky day...

But it was pretty fun at the exam hall... They gave u all little china-made glass thermometers and packs of alcohol wipes for cleaning the thermometer before putting it in our mouths... So cute...

Sometimes i cant help thinking some poly kids are really intellectually challenged. A few guys (not from my course, from Biz i think), started to put the thermometers under their armpits!! My Law lecturer was totally flabbergasted...She gasped a bit, and shrieked, "NO NO u are NOT supposed to do THAT!!! Now who did that? Who contaminated their thermometers??!"

LOLz

Later on there was a big hooha coz Veron (my classmate), who sat directly beside me in the exam hall, had a temperature of 37.5 degrees... U shld have seen her face, she was SO nervous at the thought of not being able to take the exam... I think she is pretty gong... The first time it is 37.5 degrees, den she had to take it a second time to reconfirm mah. the second time she sincerely took the temperature again. If really 37.5 and above, u will be asked to leave the exam hall, and no matter how well she scores for the sup paper, it will still be an E.

If i were her i would have put the thermometer juz on my tongue or something. Yes i'm a dishonest pig but an E on my results slip!!? No way... She didnt feel feverish or anything like that so i dun reckon she got Sars...

In the end she got to sit for the test.

So anticlimax. Wahhahahaha i'm a meanie... Yup.. Have always been one...

After a night of sleeping on the thought that yet another guy has fallen in love with my best friend and told me in the face, i decided, finally, to ponder on the painful question of "Why?".

I think itz because i look too much like a slut

And i yak too much.

Whats wrong with guys nowadays? When i was a kid and i read teen books situated in America (i.e. Sweet Valley High), it was always decided that the most popular gal was pretty (Not boring pretty but knows how to dress up), intelligent and has a sense of humour. In other words, guys in America like their girls witty and able to communicate with them, and most likely before they discovered these, they took notice of the girls coz they look like hot stuff.

Thus i thought thats what i should aim to become...

Singaporean (Chinese) guys think different, however.

They like girls with long rebonded black silky hair, not sexy curls.

They like girls wearing turtlenecks and sneakers rather than a dress with heels. (yup even in an appropriate situation for wearing a dress.)

They like girls who keep quiet and nods in agreement to everything they say, rather than a girl who speaks up for her own opinions.

They like girls who are weak, diminutive and vulnerable, not girls who are strong and can protect themselves.

To complete the image, the girl should only wear white underwear and is a virgin. She should not own any strapless bras because theres no need to wear any, but although the same logic applies, she shld have clean shaven underarms. Oh wait she shld not have reached puberty yet (thus no armpit hair) coz she looks way too innocent for that. Most of the clothes she wears are baby blue and white. She smiles sweet without showing teeth and has sparkly big eyes. She doesnt need to be smart, that would give her opinions, which is not good.

Why? i dunno, most Chinese guys i know are weird. (or u could be a common chinese guy and is smiling at the mental picture i painted of ur dream girl.) My eurasian friends concurred with the American girl image; they could tell the difference between "hot" and "slut". Chinese guys think hot IS slut.

I got reminded of something Lut told me. (Lut's half German) He said he was watching this Chinese show with some of his friends, half of them were Chinese (3 i think) and the other half were eurasians or caucasians. The show featured the sexy Shu qi and the sweet Gigi Lai. While the eurasians and caucasians were WOW-ing at Shu qi, the Chinese guys spoke up and said they think GiGi Lai is much prettier. Objectively, i do think gigi lai IS prettier, but i get what Lut means. He thinks that she is like such a common looking girl, boring to add....

And i think itz really weird that alot of Singaporean guys like girls who dun speak up.

if u ask them why, they will answer "Not all the time dun speak up lar, sometimes muz speak also lar!!"

-_-||| What a dumb thing to say. Yeah speak up things like "i am hungry can we go eat?" at times right?

Haiz....

I'm not saying that XF is like that. I wun be best friends with a boring twerp. But Adryan definitely like this kinda girls, i think. He likes XF coz she looks innocent, and pretty, and she didnt speak much yesterday. In other words he likes her coz she looks like a Shu nu. Too bad XF is attached. And he didnt use his puny brain to think: If XF breaks up with her bf for him, that makes her SO not shu nu anymore. Shu nu(s) will be loyal to their bfs and not know any guys other than the said bf. Then that makes her not the kinda gal he likes!!

Dumb dumb!

Ok enough about Adryan. He is just ANOTHER of the chauvinistic normal dumb chinese guys.

The dilemma here is this: Do most of the guys prefer this kinda image? (aka shu-nu image) If yes, is there something wrong with my image (not shu-nu)? Definitely since most guys attempt to touch me on the first date right? Since most guys think i'm some cheap slut should i change my image? If i change my image for them, are these jerks worth my change, or would they not be jerks if i didnt look like a slut in the first place? And IF i change, isnt it so phoney because itz not me at all?

Most importantly, does Eddy like Shu nu(s) as well...? Oh well at least i dun think he thinks i'm a cheap slut coz he didnt attempt to touch me at all, besides touching hair some times? Tml (after my law exam) i shall ask him if he thinks Shu qi or Gigi Lai is more appealing...

Eddy replied to my email. some parts are rather confusing, plus i dun think itz right to type out his reply like that so heres the gist:

*Age doesnt matter

*Letting things run itz course is something i wish for as well.

*I find ur companionship, erm, highly engaging.

*U are special to me too.

*Controlling ur feelings is a fuss, so just let us be natural.

SOUNDS LIKE GOOD NEWS TO ME!!! No connotations of "buts" in the email... Thats good.. But i cant verify anything till i talk to him tml (today lar actually). On the other hand...

Birthday celebration today was okie... i was supposed to meet ah dong and peiying and ek, but Adryan called me and asked if he could join, so well, he did. (FYI i did like Adryan some time ago, but he said he didnt like me so we remained friends.)

I've always had this theory: Say if while in the midst of being totally in love with A, A breaks up with u for a good reason. When this happens and A loses contact with u, u will forever remain in love with A. This is because the reasons for loving A will always still be there. U didnt have any chance to witness perhaps some bad points of A that might stop your love for him/her (like perhaps he/she likes to abuse little furry animals), or witness him/her change to a person whom u dun love anymore. If itz true love, time will not wash it away. If u love A because he/she has long legs, he/she will still have long legs after he/she left u....

Same case for me and Adryan. After he rejected me, i did have a quarrel with him which showed some character traits of him which i had never discovered (and hated). So i dun like him as much already. But no matter what, i still do have a bit of feelings for him.

Although currently i like Eddy much much more.

U know what bastard Adryan just msged me? After he sent me, ah dong (aka xiao feng) and peiying home? On my birthday?

"u know what? i kinda like xiao feng, urm but i dun know what to do."

FUCKING HELL.

On my birthday he tells me he likes my best friend! And he knows that i still do like him (a bit). What kinda inconsiderate jerk would do this to a gal? It sears big time when this sort of thing happens. And this may not be Adryan's fault, but this is not the first time it happened. I liked Xiao feng's current bf before they developed feelings for each other, but he told me he likes Xiao Feng. Oh well, i suppose it cant be blamed since Xiao Feng is indeed very pretty, and smart to go with it. But Adryan doesnt even KNOW Xiao feng! today is the first time he talked to her, and it was not more than 5 sentences.

I think he's just bloody superficial.

I told him that. To that he replied "itz the feel, i told u many times liao."

Yeah right u have feelings for someone who looks like a pig? itz juz a COINCIDENCE that the person u have feelings for is pretty?

What did he expect me to do? Say, "Oh u serious? Thats perfect news!! u two make a great couple!! want me to go buy condoms for u? i think u naturally should choose her over me coz she is so much better! Hey help urself to my phonebook coz i am so glad for u guys, i'm whooping in delight!!!"

I summed up that long sentence and msged him "Go rot in hell."

Thats what June asked me to say. whaahhahaha great fren man she scolded Adryan like crazy. Her msgs:
-Ask him go rot in hell.
-Say he is a swallow guy, as superficial as any guy u noe, such a disappointment.
-i bet every guy has the same "feel" towards xiao feng when they see her. u say him lar, pls la, her bf is so much better than u, u dun even DREAM about liking her man, u got no zi ge!

I asked eddy today if he would meet me and he didnt reply that sms. I called him up and he sounded hesitant about meeting~! Turns out that he thinks we shouldnt meet up too often coz it will be too much like a couple. Haiz.. this is so saddening. He said "i have never thought further beyond our friendship". Thats a big big hint that he doesnt like me i guess.. I sent a long email to him telling him how i feel.. should i cut and paste it here?

Eh i shall. Not interested to read den skip it altogether! Here goes:

hello!

I've just finished talking to u on the phone... anyway, here are the pictures of the cute loris i have promised!

Perhaps it will give u some entertainment while u work on the analog designs, whahahha...

Somehow what u just said affected me. i dunno why i'm feeling this way, but i guess i would have to admit that no matter how i try to deny it, itz pretty apparent that i have certain "special" feelings towards you.. Maybe itz coz i just enjoy times with u too much! Maybe itz coz u are v fit! wahahaha.. but dun get me wrong. the "special" feeling is not love, or like, or infatuation; or at least i can always control it such that it wouldnt be. Dun freak out! i'm very happy with the way we are now, and i want it to always remain so.

But theres this dilemma here. If i find that i'm exceptionally happy with u, does it mean that our friendship is not purely platonic anymore? Or do we have to actually have tried (to be together), AND failed, to be pure friends, who never even thought of going further? Changing the scenerio such that you are a woman instead and i find that we really click very well, we can certainly just become good friends cant we? There's no further step to take.

The only difference is that in the 2nd situation, society does not think right of females being together in that sense, and I do not have any physical attraction towards a female. (These are just feelings on my part, not implying that u feel the same way too.)

Ah well, all these are confusing me. I've actually thought of all these stuff already. Thats why i dun msg u everyday, or ask to meet you everyday, the little things that might reek of what couples should do. I have not thought as far as we being together, cos firstly i do not think you would be with someone only 19 (yes officially 19 today), and secondly I would Never do anything that might spoil our friendship (something which is very rarely found nowadays).

So well juz take it such that i find u an expectionally good friend (Like a female friend), with a teeny weeny bit of physical attraction. The physical attraction part doesnt freak u out i hope. I lust after brad pitt as well and i'm sure every platonic friend of his does too, and brad doesnt look scared. (Maybe we can curb the lust one day *wink wink* muahahhaha)

And as i have said, we should just go by instincts and not be bothered about whether what we do is what society deems as what a couple should do, thus we restrict ourselves from meeting often, or contacting often. It is STUPID to let these dumb theories rule our lives. If u wanna call me, just do, i wun dig up any connotations except that u enjoy talking to me.

But what i'm sad about is, obviously u do not find me special as i do find you.

It doesnt matter, the world does not work on fairness! I'm happy that god (if he exists) did drop u to me while I'm on a bored MRT ride. He should too, since he made me so short.

OK enough already even Tolkien will find me long-winded! This is starting to look like an essay.

BTW go to www.dilbert.com and subscribe Dilbert comics for free everyday sent to u on ur email! that way u can laugh at urself!!! wahahhahahaha!!

Friends forever,
Trendy Wendy
(like famous amos!!!)

Okie thats it. I did it. He msged me back to ask me to meet him AFTER i clicked send, and now perhaps he will feel so awkward he wouldnt call me again! Did i blow this? DAMMIT.

(BTW for the dilbert joke, eddy is an engineer like dilbert.)

Horrible bdae.

Okie at least this year the weather is good and I dun have any pimples. =P I certainly hope i will enjoy going out with Ah dong, peiying, Ee Kean and Eileen later. It is so weird to have no guys! Ghimz and Sr are in ns. Thats sick.

i went out with eddy! =) And it was juz when i was about to msg to ask if he was free that he actually called! Xin ling xiang tong sia!

Nothing much juz went to orchard walk walk... While we were walking the stretch between wisma and taka, where Future state is, he suddenly turned to me and said, "I feel like telling u something very lame."

I braced myself and asked, "What?"

He looked into my eyes for a second, and just went i thought he was about to confess his adoration for me, he smiled and said, "Famous Amos."

-_-;

Indeed, i have never thot of that as a weak pun, but actually if u think about it, it is. LOL.. Eddy is so goddamn cute... when i get my digicam i'm gonna take like millions of his pictures.

Speaking of digicams, i should have gotten mine todaY! coz officially, it is MY BIRTHDAY! At 12 am, 3 ppl called me at the same time, and my lousy 8250 couldnt take it and hung. Thats so anticlimax! Outta the 3 ppl only one called back (eileen) and the other 2 prolly tot i hung up on them. -.- i got some msgs too and i shall type them out here in case my 8310 gets stolen.

Nabeh i v fat meh so many ask me to slim down. Alright man i love my mum's msg itz damn sweet. Dicky Chua and shuyin actually sent 3 linked msgs! Eileen's msg was particularly short coz she was talking to me on the phone...

And yes i have an adjective for most of my friends' names... I like Gwenne's and Aaron's the most! It is Grouchy Gwenne (so damn true) and Androgenous Aaron (who drags sometimes and wears make-up to skool.)

TAMADE why every time wanna go out den it will be bloody hot. when staying at home it will be freaking comfortable weather!~ ok so today i stayed at home to study for my Law paper. Yes yes stop laughing i do know itz a Saturday. *BTW do u know that saturday is named after Saturn?*

When i earn my law degree and i'll be sipping champagne while doing my french manicure and i will be the one smiling. -_-

Yesterday was pretty interesting though. i went out with some ah bengs (June's friends whahahahhaha; June is Ah-Beng-Magnet). You will be amazed. ACTUAL real ah bengs!~ and u thought they have all died. One had a gucci hp strap, one a LV bag and ALL have piercings on at least the ears. (one had tongue and neck. yesh neck piercing!~ i think itz pretty cool actually). I was just feeling relieved to know that outta the 3, one didnt have tattoos, but hey! he wanted to do it today! So we went to some tattoo shop with them and guess what we found?

Lotsa multi-pierced and multi-tattooed ppl saying Cheebye/kan ni na every other sentence. One had an enlargement on his tragus. can u IMAGINE?

A fellow selling porn came along. 3 for 10 bucks. cheap huh...

A fellow selling illegal exotic pets.

Atrociously enough, he actually brought along his animals. he had a snake, a few geckos, an iguana(which i have also), and most importantly, a slow loris all in his bag!! it is BLOODY CUTE. i have pictures taken...

Damn cute right? see the 3rd pic where i circled itz cute fingers are grabbing my finger! so sweet! I wanna buy one but it costs $600. Bloody loris guy(thats what i called him since i dun know his name. i know the loris' though, it is Issac.) trying to chect my money i think, sell so expensive. i hate to think the money i give him will be given to the tattoo guy for YET another tattoo. haiz... Kids nowadays....

Oh yeah we ate at Marche's and heres the dessert. no wonder i'm damn fat.

Today i went to june's place to study for EOF. i simply do not understand why as bond prices increase, the bond yield will decrease. WTH am i talking about? Good, u oso dun know right? That means i'm not a complete dumb dumb.

Eh! i discovered that some of the pics cant be seen. bloody yahoo photos suck man. to view the pics can click on the hyperlinks that i put

Just for fun... haha poly life is atrocious we took the photo in class and no one reported it to the NEWPAPER at all. WTH! AJC cannot be lesbian we can ah? no one cares about poly students nowadays! NO ONE CARES IF WE DO WRONG THINGS! NO ONE CARES IF WE GET SARS!

First, i went to school for DVPA, and i got pissed with both gwenne and aaron, respectively coz of her face and his face. i think gwenne laughs too loud for non-funny-juz-meant-to-piss-wendy-off jokes by anyone who think they might like to poke fun at the short bitch. Aaron is a sick backstabber, complete with thong.

Ah well.

i like to think Gwenne is a gift from god (who created do-do birds despite KNOWING they will be extinct. yeah bo liao.) to come into my life to stretch my patience to itz best limits. she is, in fact, someone who will do good for me in my life. i just dun like to think that angels look like that... itz a horrible thot...

Digressing, i met eddy for dinner today. OH MAN HE IS SO FIT LAR. and so smart and so cute and so funny.... and so nice...so perfect..

but whats wrong?

i realise that he is not the normal "3 weeks" kinda guy where i will lose interest in in the said amt of time. perhaps it is his age that shouted 'stop!' whenever i felt like it was more than platonic. (it is PURELY on my side only) This restain may be good; it certainly helped us develop a pretty strong friendship (judged from my side too). in fact, i enjoy my times with him so much that i get cramps after meeting him; from smiling! The balance of friendship is so delicate that i dun dare to suggest anything more, afraid it might upset the path and spoil everything so beautiful. Does he like me? Is he this happy with every other friend? he might be, i dunno. I am very happy now with our relationship, but i want to be happier. He, on other hand, does not seem to want to be restricted by any relationship now, although he did mention if he found a right person he would marry her. Yeah, he is of that age. And i'm 19.

Wendy u cant like eddy!~ he will never consider gals so young. Yeah 'gal', not even 'woman', despite being able to give birth and produce milk. PLUS, think of the wedding banner.