Politics, popular culture and Reagan conservatism spewed maybe once a week...or less

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

What happened to all the 'manly' men?

Question: What is more sad and pathetic than the sight of an able bodied average American guy standing next to his car on the side of the road with a flat tire, cell phone to his ear calling AAA to come rescue him?

The answer: nothing.

What happened to us formerly red blooded, All-American guys over the last few decades? Have we guys all become helpless weenies? A nation chock full of what Arnold Schwartzenegger would call 'girly men?' Maybe so. I drew this cartoon above a few years ago after reading an article from Popular Mechanics, whose editors compiled a list of the basic skills that they deemed every American guy should possess, and it appears below. Read it and weep: 1. Patch a radiator hose 2. Protect your computer 3. Rescue a boater who has capsized 4. Frame a wall 5. Retouch digital photos 6. Back up a trailer 7. Build a campfire 8. Fix a dead outlet 9. Navigate with a map and compass 10. Use a torque wrench 11. Sharpen a knife 12. Perform CPR 13. Fillet a fish 14. Maneuver a car out of a skid 15. Get a car unstuck 16. Back up data \17. Paint a room 18. Mix concrete 19. Clean a bolt-action rifle 20. Change oil and filter 21. Hook up an HDTV 22. Bleed brakes 23. Paddle a canoe 24. Fix a bike flat 25. Install a wireless router system. When I read this list, I agreed that most of these are all skills that fathers used to teach their sons in days gone by, and I scored a perfect 100%. But I am an old guy, with perhaps tired old notions of self reliance, determination and a willingness to get your hands dirty from time to time. In that bygone era, dads used to take their 10-year old boys out in the back yard and show them how to build a tree house. That right of passage taught young boys many skills to include using hand tools, planning, organization, safety and pride in workmanship. Sadly, those days are gone thanks to several factors such as advances in technology, and the slow and steady urbanization of the country. Most folks don't have backyards with substantial trees able to support any kind of tree house anymore unless they are out in the country. And even if they do, they have busy body home owners associations keeping their eyes peeled for these unsightly tree houses, those images of Americana now lost to our modern sensibilities. Rather than make excuses for why guys are turning into helpless losers, I suggest that this trend need not continue. Take a long, hard look at this list, guys. If there are a few things here that you don't have a clue as to how to proceed, man up. Find out how, and go do it. If you can't start a campfire, then you have no business calling yourself a guy anymore. Just turn in your man card, and we will scratch you off of the man list, and don't bother coming to the man meetings anymore. And one final thing: change your name to Shirley. Or Pam.

8 comments:

Anonymous
said...

FROM Z:

"change your name to Shirley"..how about NANCY, like the Dad in Everybody Loves Raymond always suggests when his sons are less than manly? :-)

that's quite a list.

Putting them all aside...I'd add that MANLY MEN stand up for themselves and their woman and don't let their kids sass them back and command respect in their home and workplace and put their country first and ...

Yes, the late great Peter Boyle played an excellent dad (Frank Barone) to Ray Romano's dithering portrayal of a sportswriter goof in 'Everybody Loves Raymond', and had done all of this stuff on this list that is now all but forgotten by the average weenie man these days.

Brad Garrett (Robert Barone), Franks' other weenie (yet huge) son was also guilty on more than one occasion of being a 'Nancy' when it came to getting manly things done.

I probably will lend them a feeble excuse: this show was set in New York, and accordingly, not much camping, bolt action rifle cleaning and canoe paddling transpired.

On second thought, no excuses. Figure this stuff out, guys. Or it's Nancy from now on.

Fredd, Yes, I see some of these things falling off the list, especially in the category of cars like bleeding brakes. You should see the pile of spaghetti called brake lines when I lift the hood of my new Toyota Tundra truck. Nada.

I once built a pair of light trees,each with six lights, 2 red, 2 green and 2 blue. They were controlled by a set of rheostats that would allow each light to be turned on, dimmed and/or brightened singularly or en mass. It was a masterpiece.

When I finished I left the room and let my buddy plug it in and test it, because I wasn't about to.

Joe, you're good. Even though you don't WANT to do something on this list, it's enough that you KNOW HOW to do it. You could talk someone through this task, right?

Accordingly, you get to keep your man card and attend the man meetings. The next man meeting you don't want to miss: we are changing the secret handshake and everyone is bringing a dish to pass. Please bring a three bean salad.