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Next year at Barca: Messi AND Kaka? Plus, Diarra cancels plans…

Well the rain is back, for a moment there we almost forgot where we were. Seconds away from flowery necklaced women and silky hula music playing in the streets, probably. Just thank hecky we’ve still got football gossip and transfers to keep us all sweaty and uncomfortable.
Ronaldinho and Deco in exchange for Kaka
A couple of years ago, had anyone even thought about exchanging Ronaldinho for another player, teams of armed police would have been lining buildings within seconds, shouting through loud hailers to put the drugs down and step away from the vehicle. Sir, we said step AWAY! How times have changed. Now Barcelona can offer Ronaldinho and Deco for Kaka and no one even sniffs their breath for whiskey.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: The rumour is that Barca are offering the two players and around £16 million. AC are unlikely to bite.

Andriy Shevchenko to Fenerbahce
After wowing English fans with his brilliance, Shevchenko may yet astonish the people of Turkey by taking his travelling football circus to Fenerbahce. Prepare to be dazzled, Turklings!

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Should AC Milan pass, Shevchenko needs to go somewhere. Not out of the question.

Florent Malouda to Liverpool
After a damp season at Chelsea, the whisper is that Malouda will be off to Liverpool in the summer to sit awkwardly on the bench next to Pennant, Kewell and Babel watching Kuyt tear around the pitch like a toddler, and wondering “why? Why? WHY GOD? WHYYYYYYYY?”.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Would Chelsea sell to Liverpool? Probably not.

David Bentley to Aston Villa
All the clever newspapers are squealing about Bentley and Villa. They are waaaay off, the doofuses – as pointed out, like, a year ago (or, more specifically, Tuesday) by yours truly.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Nope, he’s off to Chelsea.

Carlos Kameni to Tottenham
Radek Cerny has left and Paul Robinson still can’t scrape that annoying grease off his gloves – hence, this brilliant Cameroon and Espanyol keeper would surely jump at the chance to be the next White Hart Lane scapegoat.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Bleeping.
Lassana Diarra to STAY PUT
As it turns out, gap year traveler Diarra has decided to cancel his ticket to Spurs and stay at Portsmouth for a bit. Has he met a girl or something?
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Seriously, who knows with this guy?