That's just a deception, his real secret is hormonal. He always feels the need to bleed. He's just good at making it look like something else. Truth is he is an old, fat, short, angry man with no legacy that is angry at the world for being that way.

Yet you're the one who's all butthurt because I don't want to be your friend and fly out to gayferville for a visit. I'm sorry you don't have any friends who want to go to the game with you, sweetie. Maybe I'll send you a cardboard cutout to prop up in the seat next to you. You can even put a Giants hat on it.