Why did I slit my wrist?

Feb 12, 2008

About 2 weeks ago i was in the bathroom of my house and took a butcher knife and slit my wrist, I know it was stupid now but at the time it felt like my last alternative. I had menengitis and it caused alot of short term memory problems with me. I had a promising future as a fire alarm technician and now am on disability and even my wife treats me like a baby. I go along with it and hate every minute of it. Ive become so introverted and cynical and envious of people with normal lives that it makes me sick. This disease is a life sentence which totally sucks if it impairs you. Ive been seeing a therapist now for a year, probably some college intern that was in diapers when I was in the Marines. Ive got my pride, this disease is a tough one emotionally when it screws with your brain, my wife has friends who come over occassionally but Im finding that when she is at work all I do is talk to myself and ask myself why me? I have 2 acres a nice house and I honestly could care less if it goes away or not. Everyone tells me positive attitude but this is much deeper than attitude. This is a problem with my brain that wont alow me to remember things short term, my long term memory is fine which is why I know what it is to be normal and have a normal exsitence. I would rather have a low cd4 count and higher viral load than be going through this crap.. Help me help myself before I get desperate again. Everyone says if you take your life it wont fix anything but who wants to be living a hell on earth anyway.

Response from Dr. Horwath

You are suffering from a severe depression, which is what causes you to be unable to enjoy what is positive in your life, like your home, your wife and your 2 acres. Depression causes people to withdraw socially, like you have. Depression is a disease of the brain. First you need a good evaluation by a psychiatrist,and then your depression can be treated with antidepressant medications. Your evaluation should also include an assessment of your memory and other cognitive functions to see if something other than depression is part of the problem.

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