Here is my schedule for the first quarter of 2012, Europe. I will be hitting some big European Cities with Nick’s Hot Seat. Check it out. I haven’t travelled in Europe in years because I decided to make London my home base and build the UK market. I already did. So, time to spread the love. All my Bootcamps now feature Fear Technology as taught in London for those who have asked me whether I run the same type of program on the road. Yes, I do.

(This article is a composite of 3 or 4 articles I wrote on this topic for my blog. Since very few people read them -blog stinks, dismal readership and now it is down and I can’t repair it myself, nor do I get any help from our Tech Department. But this won’t stop me. Word. It is very dope! Yo!* Attempted humour, trying to see if I can get them to repair my blog by being “from the street” and therefore cool -, any who, I have decided to condense the message of many articles into one and add a few new things that have come up since. Enjoy.)

Getting Rejected

Most times is about an idea, a belief or a perception you are unworthy of a beautiful girl or even choice in the dating realm. You must be content with whatever you get. The idea that “no girl would be interested in a guy like me” has far reaching consequences for those guys who try to change this area of their lives.

If you come to the conclusion that you are unworthy for an attractive woman, then, you can only assume that a woman will reach that conclusion too. Women will find you unattractive and unworthy of their love and affection. Thus, you will find women incapable of meeting your needs for love and affection. You can’t rely on them.

As a result of rejecting yourself, you concede that others will do it too. Guys get angry. You become the victim. When you step into a crowded venue and you fail to walk up to girls and start an interaction you blame it on the venue’s loud music, crazy energy or unpredictable women. You become angry at the world as you embrace rejection as a natural conclusion of your unworthiness.

You Must Change the Odds, or Not

So, if you are lacking as you are, you must add something. But what?

First thing average guys think of is money or status. Either I make a million or I get a top job. But what are the chances for that if you are under 30 or even under 40? Unless you were part of the Silicon Valley dot-com generation who dug gold there, you won’t be rich at 23. So guys despair and give up. I can’t get a girl because I won’t be rich any time soon.

Though the possibilities of making a million before 30 are there, the reality is that males come into wealth later on in their lives. But it is discouraging to think that you can only get choice in your dating life when you will be too old to really enjoy it. To add insult to injury, what if girls only want me for my money? Oops! In their quest from rag to riches most guys forget a basic truth: once you become rich, most people who come to you do it because they want a piece of the pie, and it includes women too.

But “I am not good at this”, “I am a defective item”, “I am unworthy”, “I am not good enough”

How can you give yourself “inner permission” when you feel unworthy of good things? Simply, you can’t. Not only that, when you feel “flawed” you feel like nobody ever is going to give you what you want. If you look at this issue with a magnifying glass, you will see that it affects other areas of your life, not only dating. At work, you fail to ask for the raise that you deserve. At family reunions, you try not to rock the boat by speaking your mind. With your friends, you probably never ask for too many favours in order not to make them uncomfortable. You remain needless and wantless. You get used to misery.

You Must Go Out There and Do Stuff or, Do you?

So you decide to change your make your life “better”. You go to the gym, diet, travel or study self help in an attempt to change yourself. Furthermore, when you meet women, you force yourself to stay positive and try and explain to them how much of an exciting person you are in the hope this would stir their interest in you.

However, because you haven’t changed your core, you haven’t substituted yet your scarcity mentality for the abundant one; you still fail to get attraction from women you like. Even though you are seriously working on yourself, at the end of the day, you are not working on the root cause of the problem: your feelings of unworthiness. You are still afraid if they knew the real you, without the gym, the diet, the travelling, the self help you will be rejected. You are still in fear. You are yet to overcome your last hurdle: present your authentic self to others and let them judge you. However, most guys in the dating world never grow so much as individuals to get to this point. They already have some success dating and they feel don’t need to go deeper into core issues. But, down the line, they find themselves struggling with the same issues. It is like a wound that keeps bleeding.

Asking for what you want is key

If you want to defeat those feelings of unworthiness, you must learn to ask for what you want from a woman and allow room for her to say no. But you must take the risk.

If you want beautiful girls, you must walk up to them and start an interaction. In doing this some will want to hang out with you and others won’t. However, in the process you will teach yourself you are worthy of those girls. At least more than the next guy who hangs by the bar. If you keep at it you will end up dating some of those girls if you have the courage to ask. Ask for what you want. Then allow them to say “no” if they must. Keep reminding yourself it is none of your business how they respond to you. But it is your business to ask for what you want.

{“Remember that transcendence is a conscious process. You do those things that feel unnatural to you, even dangerous. You befriend your fears. And remember that you get to the other side through conscious repetition. You go through the motions over and over until you are comfortable doing the unnatural, the unscripted, and the impossible. You transform.” Quote from another article of mine}

For some guys, because they are confident the effect of this lives on, for others, the ones that are only bold, the effect wears off and they find themselves back in chode land in a couple of days if they don’t do the inner work required for being confident.

Confidence means something different. You don’t depend on lines anymore or moves. You know who you are and you don’t need a shield to hide behind. You approach women from a sense of being deserving of it. From the inner core.

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Pickup would be so much easier if we could just "acquire" behaviors, tactics, etc - to make ourselves successful. But it's not like downloading apps on your smartphone. That's not how we work.

That's why I appreciate this because it talks about the CORE, the ROOT of the problem. If this shit is NOT addressed, then NOTHING will help.

Yet it's difficult to communicate to people because that's the LAST place they want to look. They don't want to face themselves. But true transformation requires facing yourself and letting go of assumptions and shit you've been identifying with in order for something organic to grow.

Sums shit up perfectly ozzie.
Self trust = Confidence.
How can you trust yourself, when you don't take the necessary actionsdaily, in allowing yourself to do so. Exposing your fears. Doing the unnatural. It takes hard consistent work.

Being consistently inconsistent, is one of the major reason why people never seem to get over their fears and allow self trust.

Hey Ozzie, quick question, I've been stuck on a plateau for a while, where I cant get myself to pull the girl home. I approach, escalate and make out.. but it often times (almost always) fizzles out there.

Hey Ozzie, quick question, I've been stuck on a plateau for a while, where I cant get myself to pull the girl home. I approach, escalate and make out.. but it often times (almost always) fizzles out there.

Have you got some exercises or likewise to really practice the pull?

thanks man, nice article

just do it! just pull her out of the club!

either start fingering her there to get her horny where she will ask you to take her home
or just grab her hand and take her home

This is something that has been my main interest for a long time - meeting a girl as your core authentic self and seeing if she likes it. Always expanding that core authentic self through learning and experiencing. Takes balls. This is 'real' inner game. A satisfied sense of self.

Hey Ozzie, quick question, I've been stuck on a plateau for a while, where I cant get myself to pull the girl home. I approach, escalate and make out.. but it often times (almost always) fizzles out there.

Have you got some exercises or likewise to really practice the pull?

thanks man, nice article

How are you going for the pull? One thing I've been realizing lately is that the girl wants to go home with a chill PATIENT guy.

Are you able to just sit back in the interaction and allow her to decide that she wants to come with you (after sufficient escalation of course) or are you constantly in her grill trying to get her to leave.

If its the latter she'll likely stick around for a little bit but then not want to leave with this guy.

Ozzie, what does "doing the inner work" actually consist of in your eyes?

It's not sitting at home and doing hypnosis or EFT, and it's not just pure approaching because as you say guys can do that for years and not fix the core wounds.

What is it actually that "gets you there"? Befriending your fears right? How is that different from just pushing through fear and approaching over and over?

I think it just comes down to the mindset that you have about it, meaning not staring your fear in the eye as if you were trying to fight a charging bull, but rather accepting that you have this fear and carrying it with you everywhere you go.

From there your RAS will tune into what needs to be done to fully overcome it and it will just gradually go away.

Thanks Man. You writte short articles but straigth to the point. The ideea that i should just always ask is simple but has deep ramification for me because is a mindset. I think that i was doing wrong is that i was focusing on her reactions, or on my ability to create some reaction in her, while i was feeling sheety. If i get the first set ok, i ussualy tend to be overall more good at aproaching.

Your shit is priceless man. You talk about the things that no one else wants to talk about because it's not romantic, but we ALL need this, man. To me your articles are kind of like the bag of spinach or greens I eat everyday. It doesn't taste amazing, but it's NEEDED. Thanks.

IMO Ozzie ur articles are great but your videos, im sorry, they suck and leave much to be desired. what ever happened to just close! lol the videos that you show are just normal, every day interactions that I just can't see anyone benefiting from it except for the very socially retarded.

"You are still afraid if they knew the real you, without the gym, the diet, the travelling, the self help you will be rejected. You are still in fear. You are yet to overcome your last hurdle: present your authentic self to others and let them judge you."

This describes how I feel perfectly. I'm still afraid.

I'm a fitness model, I run an international business so I travel all over the world, even to places war zones like baghdad. I drive a BMW and make really good money. So anyone who believes that looks money, nice car and good job will get you laid is dead wrong. Yes, once in a while I attract a really hot girl who has all the same insecurities as I do, and after a few weeks she finds somone else because I chode myself out. However, I do get laid all the time, have threesomes and have several attractive girlfreinds. but they aren't the ones I want. I settle, becasue I believe the ones I want i'm not worthy enough for.

I go to clubs and I only look for the girls that I really want. I approach, they show extreame interest in me, smiling, flirting and everything is great, then the first moment of silence i feel uncomfortable and I say, okay, i'll be back later, and then I search for the next set. How ever the one I really wanted didn't reject me, I rejected myself. Sometimes the girls come back to find me. Hey, where did you go? I'm leaving with my friends. Then I just say bye, its nice meeting you. I don't even have the balls to say i'm coming with, or give me your number. WTF, I reject myself more than women reject me. sucks dude.

Has anybody mentioned said that ALL of this stuff CAN BE USED ON YOURSELF F I R S T???
Pick yourSELF up .
LEAD your self.
Laugh at your self/amuse yourSELF.
GIVE to LIVE...GIVE yourself a break.BREAK yourSELFv down like a muscle and then BUILD yourSELF up.
The more you demand the more you expand.
Americans tend to think win or lose.Success or failure,Address that bull shit first.
Other wise there will always be an elemnet of competition and that just aint the way to play the game gentlemen.

Has anybody mentioned said that ALL of this stuff CAN BE USED ON YOURSELF F I R S T???
Pick yourSELF up .
LEAD your self.
Laugh at your self/amuse yourSELF.
GIVE to LIVE...GIVE yourself a break.BREAK yourSELFv down like a muscle and then BUILD yourSELF up.
The more you demand the more you expand.
Americans tend to think win or lose.Success or failure,Address that bull shit first.
Other wise there will always be an element of competition (even if only within yourself...)
and that
just aint the way to play the game gentlemen.