Cheryl A. Splin

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Perfect marriage, yeah right!!

♥Every time I hear someone say that they have a perfect marriage, I can only but say inside of me, yeah right. It is not possible to have a perfect marriage, right? Because even when we try our best every day, every second, it seemsthat disagreements always find its way through the cracks.

♥So how then can we pretend to come close to perfection, is it even possible? In order to answer that question we first need to understand what makes a marriage not perfect, an dyes you have the right answer, it is disagreements, fights, conflict and anger. When I think what would make my marriage perfect, I would promptly respond that having a conflict free marriage. Well, it is sad to say that conflict will always be part of marriage, and of our daily lives, even Christ like individuals will have conflict in their lives.

♥But conflict doesn’t mean disaster, or unsolved problems. I think that as humans we have a hard time distinguishing the difference between conflict and contention, because we talk about those two concepts as if they were synonymous, but they are not. conflict is an event we face that needs to be solve, kind like a problems or a situation. When we are not able to solve the conflict, and we let anger, stress, defensiveness and pride take over us, then that conflict turns personal, and then it becomes contention.

♥According to Goddard, conflict can be a blessing in disguise. When we face a conflict in our marriage, it is an opportunity to develop the talent of good communications and problem solving skills. Let say that your husbands forgets to change the air filters every month, and every time you remind him about it, but he keeps forgetting. This is a conflict you need to face every month. You have two options, to bring the situation to your husband attention, talk about what you can do to help him remember about the air filters. Or you can opt to get mad at your hubby, to feel irritated about it every time you receive the reminder email about changing the air filters. Then you get defensive with him, calling him names, and going of for his forgetfulness. Was that worth it? I will say no, nothing is worth a fight with your sweet heart, nothing.

♥SO how can we make thing work then? It is easy, but difficult to actually do it, they key is to learn to solve conflict without turning it into contention. Remember how much you love the person you chose to marry, remember the butterflies you felt in your stomach when you first kiss, must most important of all, remember that you made a covenant to love one another, to support one another, and that with God all things are possible.