Opposites attract, then reality dawns

ATLANTA — It's true that opposites sometimes attract--often resulting in lust at first sight and marriage.

But scientists have found that relationships of opposites are much more likely to be rockier and shorter than those among two people whose personalities are similar.

A study of almost 300 couples, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that the happiest duos scored similarly on personality traits such as openness, agreeableness, conscientiousness and "disinhibition"--a measure of irresponsible or reckless behavior.

Researchers Shanhong Luo and Eva Klohnen of the University of Iowa said sharing the most personality traits creates compatibility and reduces conflict.

They studied 291 couples who had been married less than a year when the research began and dated each other for an average of 3.5 years.

"What is most intriguing is that when the researchers assessed marital quality and happiness, they found that personality similarity was related to marital satisfaction, but attitude similarity was not," they said in the peer-reviewed article.

"People may be attracted to those who have similar attitudes, values and beliefs and even marry them, at least in part on the basis of this similarity, because attitudes are highly visible and salient characteristics, and they are fundamental to the way people lead their lives."

On the other hand, they said, personality-related characteristics take longer to be accurately perceived and are not likely to play a more substantial role until later in the relationship.

In short, lust may work for a while, but lust alone probably won't last.

"What we found is, if two people are similar--both liberal, for example--they probably will be attracted to each other at first sight," Luo said.

"Attitudes are very visible. But it takes time to realize what this person is really like. So personality traits could cause a problem. It takes time to know a person."

Once people are in a committed relationship, it's mostly personality similarities that influence marital happiness, she said.

"Study each other. Take your time to get to know a lot about each other. We haven't studied this yet, but there is evidence you can be less physically attracted to people if you know their attitudes.

"So I would say to couples, `Wait a minute. Initial attraction sometimes misguides you. If you believe in love at first sight, be cautious. Take some time; weeks or months. You don't want to miss things that will annoy you later."'