Ragin’ Cajun Redneck Gators (Syfy, 9 p.m.) — This is the literally the only thing in the world that could snag the banner image slot away from the first real football game since February. I’m a little confused, though. In the promo below, it looks as if the human rednecks are turned into alligators after they’re bitten. But the movie description says, “Toxic moonshine turns alligators into gigantic, mutated monsters that go on a deadly rampage.” I don’t know what to expect, but I can’t wait to watch it (/sets DVR //deletes from DVR in a week).

Thursday Night Football (NBC, 7:30 p.m.) — Broncos vs. Ravens!!! I’m so excited for the NFL being back that I won’t smash my TV with a metal rod after the announcers say “just like his Pats days” every time Wes Welker runs a crossing route. I will, however, laugh when Rahim Moore blows his coverage, and Mile High literally explodes.