So, last night I was half-listening to The Tonight Show (I'm two weeks behind--but I'd like to say I love Jimmy Fallon as the new host), and my ears perked up when I heard a commercial for toilet paper. Why? Because I was appalled. I heard what sounded like an ad for some "sexy" product of sorts and was a bit shocked at the rather lewd content--and then, well, I was absolutely disgusted when I looked up and saw the freaking bears. Here, if you haven't seen this crap, it's streaming on Hulu lately. For your viewing pleasure, click play below.

At first, I was horrified. Then I was just angry. It takes a lot to get me fired up over things in the media, but are. you. SERIOUS. Let's just ignore the fact that I strongly believe there are products that just DO NOT need to be advertised. Let's just forget the fact that I HATE these stupid bears with all of my being. And we can just skip how much I can't stand the Charmin slogan of "Enjoy the Go." All that aside, what is this godawful advertisement? Why the heck is it aired ever? Just because they're bears doesn't make it less vile. Charmin, I don't know what the heck you are doing, but not only do I already consciously NEVER purchase your stupid bear toilet paper (once the bear with lint on its butt ad aired, I actively made sure we never brought this stuff in the house), now I want to tackle it when I see it stacked up in the store on shelves. This ad would not be acceptable if it was humans, cockroaches, or even amorphous beings. Please, no one buy this stuff ever again. There is nothing okay about bears and their linty butts and not-so-secret sex lives.

I guess my theme here today is shock, anger, and horrification. I know that isn't a word. It's like how I am always typing the word "receival" in documents, but it's not a word either. .

Anyway.

For all you non-fitness people reading, the Arnold (named after Arnold Schwarzenegger, of course) one of the major bodybuilding and shape and fitness form competitions is going on this weekend in Columbus. I have yet to make it there--maybe next year. And though I haven't been there, I would guess that the Arnold is to fitness people as AWP is to writers (and, strangely enough, AWP is also going on right now in Seattle--and I am not there either--and I vow to never miss it again--tangent over). So anyway, since I'm involved with CrossFit, I hear about the Arnold and some of my friends are going there, and then some people I know do stuff there like workout and compete and things (the convention isn't all about the very orange tans and tiny underwears), so I hear a little bit about it. Yesterday, about fifteen minutes after the stupid Charmin bears were getting busy in their stupid commercial, I was reading a bit about the Arnold, and then I clicked over to Facebook. I came across a meme that made me want to hurt someone. I've actually been debating about whether or not I want to share it here because I hate it so much...but I'd think that maybe this superstar weightlifter has already seen the meme herself.

No, you know what? I'm not posting that crap here. Let me explain.

On a fellow CrossFitter's wall, another member posted a meme (that maybe this person created, or maybe it is just something going around) that had these two slim women standing around at the top of the image. And the focus of the viewer's attention is drawn to their bodies, which look, you know, like the ones that are all over magazines and television (you know, the bodies that rarely exist without photoshop and airbrushing and other varieties of ridiculous adjustment?). Above these women, there is text that reads, "Why is women's track and field more popular than women's weight lifting?" (Please note the error. I didn't make it. The jackwagon who created this pathetic thing is responsible for that.) So, the text, then the bored beauties, just to reiterate. Underneath the track and field ladies, the picture from this article is present. And then beneath Holley Mangold's picture are the words, "No particular reason..."

That's not funny. You know why it's not funny? All three of those women are Olympic athletes. All three of them earned the right to compete in their sports at a level that most people can't even consider. And this stupid crap meme takes away from that all together and places the emphasis on body image, feeding into the barrage of mess that women face (and men, you face it too--I know that) with self-acceptance, love, and appreciation daily. Why are people just nasty? I wonder if the dbag who created this crap ever watched Holley lift. The woman is amazing. And uh, I'd like to see that person try and put that weight up and make a bored face like the track women. Good freaking luck. It can't be done. What made me extra disgusted with this, aside from the fact that it is just plain jerkish and ignorant, was that this just feeds the fire of people who hate CrossFitters. And what I really hated was how the person who posted this stupid meme on their friend's wall went on to defend himself about how he was just making a joke and that this was funny. What did I love, though? The fellow CrossFitters who jumped immediately to defend Holley and make it clear that this behavior is really lame. I mean, for real, guy? Weighlifting is something CrossFitters LOVE--so you should have NOTHING but love for this woman, and, to boot, she's from Ohio. To post this is to say you have no respect for the sport, no respect for the women who work their asses off to get so far above you in life, and no respect for CrossFit--at least, to those members who want to support the "everyone can do everything" mentality that CrossFit touts. Not cool, bro, not cool. There are so many things I'd like to say about this, but I only have mean things to say from here on out, so time to change the subject!

To round this post off, I'm going to share something I noticed a while ago, forgot about, then noticed again today and am kind of sad about. I have an affinity for Mr. Michael Buble. I think his voice is rich and pretty and I love him. For my one year wedding anniversary, Mike took me to a Buble concert, where I was thrilled to hear that Mr. Buble is amazing live and has a great personality--and then my favorite thing about him was that he seemed so down to earth and normal-looking. It was refreshing. I happily went home, continued listening to his music, and that was that. Until his newest album came out. Let's just compare, shall we? The image below is the cover of one of the earlier albums (and my favorite).

K, so, I saw Buble in concert. And he looked pretty much like he does above--a little older, but he has a baby face. And I liked that he looked like any guy that might be out walking around. Got the image? Okay, now check this later album, released in the spring of 2013 (so, okay, 6ish years later).

What the heck happened to Michael Buble from 2006 to 2013? What's going on with this dark and dangerous vibe? If you check out regular, undoctored photos of him, you can see that the photoshop artists were really working here. Buble is not ugly, but he is, like I said, a normal-looking guy. And I love normal. And it just kind of boggles my mind that anyone would bother putting the effort and time into changing him into someone he is not when who he is, is perfectly lovely. Did they not even think about the fact that he doesn't look like this at all in real life? And that people have seen him in real life? I don't even know anymore.

At any rate, people are stupid and make bears act out their own sexual toilet paper fantasies, and I don't think anyone should have to hear about them. People are asses and mean on the Internet. Still. And Michael Buble is, despite the odd makeover (and maybe it stuck out to me because I don't think we see this kind of drastic digital image adjustment with men as much as we do with women), still has a beautiful voice. And will it all matter when I'm dead? Yes, if I manage to ruin the Charmin empire by my boycott of their stupid toilet paper. And yes, if I made even one person think a little more about how awesome Holley Mangold is, and yes, if I can single-handedly bring back the boy-next-door Buble with my rantings.