From Transformers to G.I. Joe to this weekend's The Smurfs, children of the '80s have lost many a Saturday morning cartoon memory to the cash-grabbing clutches of the Hollywood remake machine. Plenty more are being developed into shiny, CG-smooth reboots as we speak. So let's take a moment and plea, for the sake of those that remain, that these nine beloved, totally '80s children's properties be left where they belong: In our fuzzy, warm past -- safe in the glow of yesteryear.

How do you even begin to wrap your head around Zack Snyder's latest epic, Sucker Punch? The anachronistic pop fantasy mash-up follows '60s-era insane asylum inmate Babydoll (Emily Browning) who plots escape with four fellow prisoners (Abbie Cornish as Sweet Pea, Jena Malone as Rocket, Vanessa Hudgens as Blondie, and Jamie Chung as Amber) by going into a dream world within another dream world to fight dragons, zombie Nazis, and evil nightclub pimps. And as Snyder and Co. revealed while making the press rounds, what hits theaters this Friday is only one version of what Sucker Punch ever was, is, and still could be whenever Snyder's unveils his full Director's Cut.