New tablet women don't want

Is there an app for making sexist technology developers spontaneously combust?

If so, please send me the link posthaste. Because the developers of ePad Femme just hit a new high in low opinions of women.

The Android-powered tablet was introduced in January and has stirred up a firestorm of controversy. Just listening to a news story about this product made my ears want to tear themselves off my head and find a meat grinder to jump into so they'd never have to hear something so stupid again.

The ePad Femme, as its name would reflect, was supposedly designed specially for women. Women who want to activate the flux capacitor and time-travel back to the 1940s, apparently.

The tablet comes with a series of pre-loaded applications -- apps that its Dubai-based manufacturer Eurostar Group believes are "highly desirable." These include apps that help with grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and domestic organization.

"Highly desirable" for whom? June Cleaver? Mel Gibson's dream wife?

Eurostar reports that the majority of ePad Femmes sold since January have been purchased by men for their wives.

What men? "Mad Men"?

Another app is deceptively dubbed "Women's Assistant," but it does not provide any assistance at all. The icon for this app is a bathroom scale with a measuring tape wrapped around its "waist." So a more accurate name might be "Women's Blow Out the Back Fat Assistant."

What's the next ePad Femme app? Chinese foot binding?

The manufacturers publicly and condescendingly stated they pre-loaded the apps they think women need because women "might have difficulties downloading them."

Please. My cat could probably download an app, but even she wouldn't want a grocery shopping tutorial.

Apparently, the ePad Femme comes in only one color -- pink -- just so we don't confuse it with a tablet that contains things we might actually enjoy. It is equipped with 16 gigabytes of internal storage -- ironic considering Eurostar clearly thinks we have the technology savvy of a sea slug.

Guys, we women would never buy you a tablet preloaded with the "How to Be More Observant" app, the "How Not to Be So Logical" app, or the "No Beard Shavings in the Sink" app -- because we love you the way you are.