If you’re not having all that much fun, then it probably means something bigger needs to be addressed.

Maybe have a talk with your partner and explain to him or her what you like and how you would like to be touched.
If you are not enjoying sex, it will help to get in touch with your sexuality by self-pleasuring.
Faking enjoyment and tolerating it is not the answer — it is best to talk about these things.

We all have intrusive thoughts from time to time, including when we have sex.
We have busy lives and this is very normal. It happens to everyone. It just means you’ve temporarily slipped out of the moment.
How you cope with these thoughts really depends on the kind of relationship you are in.
It may be appropriate to stop and write it down. If not, try and shelve it in your mind and come back to it later.
Mentioning the distracting thought may cause your partner to feel that you are not engaged in that moment, which could hurt their feelings, especially if they are attempting to give you pleasure.

Many men and women have these thoughts and it is common to think these things.
Some men worry that their penis is the wrong size or shape or isn’t loveable enough.
Women can be concerned that their genitals are dirty or perhaps do not look the same after giving birth.
You need to undo these thoughts as much as you can and just enjoy the moment — your partner is very unlikely to be thinking these things about you.

Generations of us have been taught that sex is dirty and wrong — but this isn’t the case at all.
These horrible, old thought patterns of the past need to be washed away.
Sex is for enjoyment. It will make you feel closer to your partner, helps reduce stress and generally makes you feel better.
If you are frequently having thoughts about sex being dirty or wrong, you might benefit from some therapy, such as my tantra workshop, or counselling.
It is those thoughts that need cleaning up.

When a woman feels like she is going to pee, she is often about to orgasm. Some women also have this familiar sensation if they are prone to ejaculation — so it is probably a good thing if you feel you need to wee.
If you often feel like this and are not heading for pleasure, you might want to start emptying your bladder beforehand.
The chances are you will not pee during sex anyway — so do not worry too much.

Fantasies about other people and celebrities such as Zac, below, are normal in loving relationships. It is usually a sign your sex life is not as adventurous or satisfying as you would like it to be and it has become a little too safe, loving and boring.

Safe isn’t sexy — and fantasies are a lovely way to keep the sex alive.
Perhaps you could explore these fantasies with your partner.
It could help you nourish and feed the relationship.

If your young ones do hear you enjoying yourselves, it is best to explain you are just having fun because you love each other. But do not worry about it.
Sex is part of life and it is a wonderful, fulfilling experience. You should not be ashamed of it.

Jan Day runs a five-day workshop called Passion, Power & Love. See janday.com