Dumbass Pages

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Get Filthy Rich by Hypnotizing Dumbasses!

Best of Dumbass News

Boston. Beantown. At Least We Ain't New Yawk, But We Wish We Had That
Many World Series Championships. Whatever you want to call it, Boston
is a city that is as full of American history and tradition as any city
in the country. Paul Revere, the Red Sawx, the Boston Tea Party and
really exceptional Dumbasses - all part of Boston, baby.

For Example...

Chicanery in Chinatown

A
57 year old woman was in Boston's Chinatown doing a little grocery
shopping when she was approached by three women. The women began asking
the lady questions and after several minutes, one of the trio handed the
shopper a plastic bag. They then instructed her to go home, fill the
bag with a shit load of loot and meet them later at Boston Commons.

She did. The lady filled the bag with a valuable necklace, a jade bracelet, her passport and $160,000 in cash! The Nice Lady then proceeded to the Commons where she willfully handed over her life savings to the three con women. The Nice Lady is a Dumbass.

I feel the need to jump in here and make a point or two.

Point 1)
I may be in the monority, but if three strange Asian women were to
instruct me to go home and cram a couple of hundred large worth of cash
and jewelry into a Wal Mart bag, I'd have a tendency to become a bit
suspicious. That's just how I roll.

Point 2) IFI ever reach a point in my life where my mental condition deteriorates to the point that I would even consider doing something so blatantly STOOPID, I
hereby authorize anyone reading this post to promptly and mercifully
put a .45 hollowpoint into my skull. I thank you in advance.

Keep Your Eyes on the Shiny Object

This same kind of crime has happened twice
since the one above and all of the sudden the (I am not making the name
of this organization up) Chinese Progressive Association (Commies?) has
alerted its members "to remain vigilant when approached by strangers".
That's odd, I tell my 5 year old daughter the same thing. The difference
is that she seems to get it.

The dumbass that heads up
the Commies, I mean Chinese Progressive Association, says that he
believes the victim was hypnotizedf by the three scammers. He backs this
up with the solid evidence that his mother told him of thieves using
hypnosis on their victims in his native Hong Kong. (No relation to King
Kong or Donkey Kong)

That settles that! I gotta
find me a How-to book on this Hypnotizing Dumbasses into Willingly
Handing Over to Me Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars in Cash and Jewelry
stuff. Then, I am moving to Boston. Chinatown specifically. Supply and
demand. Beantown supplies the Dumbasses and the Dumbasses supply me -
with millions of dollars!

Put. Me. In. Coach!

Other Etnic Groups

I
see a potential trend here. If this kind of shit can be pulled on
Asians, why not open up a market for Meskins, Eye-talians or Micks?
Boston is a multi-cultural city after all. And I do not discriminate
against any group. I don't care if you are the Mayor of Boston, if a
person is a Dumbass (and from what I hear, the current mayor of Boston,
Thomas "Mumbles" Menino is a Dumbass {and a Commie}) the person is a target, baby. And I aim to please.