Category: Laura and Holly

It wasn’t until we’d been sitting in the car, the nanny quietly waiting for me to stop bawling, that it dawned on me that my boss had called me Laura. My despair at what I’d just been through slowly burned its way to anger as I waited for my tears to subside enough that I could demand, “Y-You heard him, right? I told you, I’m Laura! I’m not H-Holly! Do you believe me now, you b-bitch?!”

“You’ve had a hard day,” she said calmly, “so I’ll let that slide for now, but don’t push your luck, young lady.”

“Didn’t you hear me?!” I pouted, smacking my hand against the seat beside me. “I-I’m not Holly! You have no right to treat me like this! Y-You never did!”

She turned around, looking at my red, tear streaked face, then turned on the car and started to pull out of the parking lot. “Don’t ignore me!” I wailed, kicking the back of the seat in front of me in frustration, starting to cry again helplessly as I felt myself fill my diaper, further emphasizing how far I’d fallen.

I just assumed we were going back to Holly’s house, that somehow she had convinced herself that my encounter with my boss had been an act I’d somehow set up in between finger painting and diaper changes at nursery school, but when the car stopped again and she opened the door for me, I realized I was quite wrong. I’d been prepared to refuse to get out, not caring if it earned me another spanking or not at that point, but instead all I could do was stare, dumbfounded, at the sight in front of me.

It was my apartment building. Mine.

“I’m not an idiot, young lady,” she informed me, holding out her hand. Still shocked, I took it and hopped down out of the car, toddling beside her in my droopy diaper. It felt like my two worlds were colliding, just like at the mall, but even more personal – and the difference even more pronounced, now that I’d just gotten a spanking, pooped my pants, and been crying for what seemed like the last half hour at least. Even without my catheter, I think I would have wet myself.

“B-But…” I stammered. “But you…”

Quietly, she led me up to my apartment, fishing in her pocket for the key and unlocking the door, pushing it open to reveal Holly, sitting on my couch surrounded by textbooks. Her hair was held back by an Alice band, and she was wearing a plaid skirt and white dress shirt, looking every inch a schoolgirl, not the monster who had manipulated me into diapers. She looked up worriedly as she heard the door open, biting her bottom lip.

“You’re early!” she whined. “That’s the only reason I’m not done with my homework yet! You can’t get mad at me for…” Her eyes drifted over to me and her cheeks flushed for a moment before she gave me a small, “Hey, twin.” I wanted to be mad at her, to do something, but in the moment, still confused and disoriented, all I could think to do was suck my thumb.

“Are you dry?” the nanny asked, and for a second, I thought she was being especially cruel, since she knew I was pretty much never entirely dry any more.

Then Holly spoke up. “Of course,” she said with another blush. The nanny gave her a look, and she got up from the couch and walked over to us, lifting her skirt, being sure to avoid my eyes as her Pull-Up was revealed, designs all perfectly intact.

“Good girl,” the nanny praised her. “Since it’s Friday, you can leave your homework until tomorrow morning. But you have to get it done then, because I have to grade it before your parents get home on Sunday.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Holly nodded obediently. “I’m doing good on it so far.”

“I hope so,” our nanny said. “You see what will happen if you don’t.” They both looked over at me. I blushed, realizing I was being used as a cautionary tale. “But you’ve done a very good job this week, so I don’t think that will happen, do you?” Holly shook her head quickly. “Now, you have something you need to do, don’t you?”

Holly swallowed, then nodded again and turned to me. “Laura,” she squeaked, looking far more scared than anyone should be of anyone dressed like I was, “I’m sorry. I was scared, and I didn’t know what to do, but I shouldn’t have dragged you into this, or lied to you, or… anything. I’m really sorry. Nanny made sure of that.”

“Watch it,” she warned me, and automatically I made myself calm down. “I called you Holly because I couldn’t let you know that I knew. And I didn’t let you go because you’re mine.” I felt a little chill run down my spine as she said it. There was no menace in her voice, but no doubt, either. “I discipline many young adults,” she explained, “and I’m very good at it. Because I’m so good, I only get a week or two with them, and I’m devoted enough to my work that I won’t draw it out beyond what they need just for my own sake. But I miss it when I’m done. So I needed someone of my own, someone I could keep for as long as I want.”

“But… You can’t keep me!” I informed her, horrified. “I’m an adult!”

“Are you? Your diaper is messy, sweetie, and you haven’t so much as asked for a change. You suck your thumb almost all the time. You have no job, and even if you did, would you want to be seen there after the show you put on earlier? You were an adult, dear, but Holly’s silly little trick gave me the perfect opportunity to change that, and to give myself exactly what I wanted.”

“But what about what I want?” I whined.

“Oh, I think you’re getting that, too.” She smiled at my surprised expression. “In under a week, I transformed you from a businesswoman to a toddler, and you may have complained, but it was more like a little girl whining than an adult making a real effort to change anything. Not once did you make a serious effort to stop me, now did you? I’m sure you told yourself you had no choice, that nothing would have worked, but if you’d shown me any sign that you were really making an effort, I’d have let you go. But you never rose to the challenge. What kind of an adult lets herself get bullied by a bunch of teenagers who aren’t even old enough to drive yet? What grown-up can fit into a nursery school as quickly and easily as you? I’ll tell you, sweetie – the kind that wants to be a baby, but won’t admit it to herself. If I were to let you go, you’d dream of this every night. You’d remember how I made you into a baby, and you’d do all kinds of naughty things to yourself as you did, and then you’d probably wet your bed.”

My cheeks burned hotly. I wanted to deny it, but even as I tried, my words got lost behind my thumb, a habit I’d never been made to take up, that she hadn’t so much as mentioned to me before I started. I fidgeted in my poopy diaper, feeling the disgusting mass between my legs. But just because I thought it felt gross didn’t mean it wasn’t kind of exciting at the same time, in a perverse way. Was I just thinking that way because she’d put the idea in my head? I wanted to think so, yet I wasn’t sure at all.

“You’re coming home with me when I leave Sunday,” she told me. “Since I won’t have a client to spend my time with during the day, I won’t have to find you a daycare, not until we go on my next job. You’ll get to spend all day at home as my sweet little baby, and I’ll look after you, and change you, and punish you when you need it, or want it. That is what’s going to happen. I could give you a choice, but I can tell it’s what you want. Just like I can tell that you want me not to let you choose. You want me to just do it, so you can tell yourself you had no choice. And since that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll get, sweetie.”

“B-But…” I wasn’t sure what to say, or even what I was planning to respond to. I was so confused, I wasn’t sure what I was really thinking, or what she’d told me I was thinking, or whether the two were the same thing.

“And one more thing,” she said before I could try to sort it all out. “I don’t think you should go by Lauren anymore. It’s a grown-up name, and if you think of yourself by that name, you might think you really are a grown-up. I think we should call you something else.”

“Like what?” I asked, but I knew the answer even before she said it, and that, much like with everything else, I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I’d lost everything else – now I was even losing my name.

“Well, you’re used to Holly by now, I’m sure, and it’s a cute name. Why don’t we just stick with that?”

Epilogue

Unable to wait any longer, I walked out from the bedroom, Pull-Up peeking from the waistband of my pink pajama pants. “Good girl,” she praised me, looking up from the woman formerly known as Laura. “Now say goodnight to your little sister.”

I walked over to her, fighting to hide my grin as I saw the baffled look on her face. It matched the confused tone I’d been hearing in her voice as I eavesdropped on her to a tee. “Goodnight!” I chirped, giving her a big hug, catching a whiff of her dirty diaper and going a little weak at the knees. I gave nanny a hug, too, then let her walk me back to the bedroom and tuck me in.

I listened intently to her footsteps as they retreated back through the apartment, waiting for the sound of the door closing and locking behind her. I gave it another minute or so beyond that, before I simply couldn’t help it, and I plunged my hand inside my pajama pants, pressing the padding of my Pull-Up hard against my wet vagina. I hadn’t dared to do it before she left – sometimes she checked me before I went to bed, sometimes she didn’t – but it had been so very hard to keep my fingers away. I knew I’d be in trouble the next day, but that just made it more exciting.

Just as I’d told Laura, I shouldn’t have dragged her into this, but I really had been scared. I’d been interested in diapers for as long as I could remember, and I longed for someone to force me into them, to treat me like a naughty little girl. But, even after finding the perfect candidate for doing so, and being handed the perfect opportunity to take advantage of her services, after forging all the paperwork she required, I got cold feet. What if I wasn’t ready for the real thing? What if she was rougher than I expected? What if, on Sunday, when I told her my parents flight had been delayed until Monday, when it was actually scheduled for, she refused to leave me alone because I’d been acting especially naughty so I could get the full benefit of her “training”? What if she realized I was scamming her, that I actually liked this? By then, it was too late to back out, so I began to hatch another plan.

And it had gone off perfectly. Even better than I thought. Yes, I got caught, and spanked, and demoted to Pull-Ups, but those last two were as amazing as I’d expected. And, more than that, I knew that, back at my old house, Laura was getting an even worse punishment. I’d seen her get her own spanking, after walking by, naked, carrying an armload of wet sheets, and it was even hotter than anything I’d imagined happening to myself. Every bit of information I got out of the nanny about what was going on with Laura, everything I’d imagined for myself, just turned me on all the more. I was so satisfied just hearing of her exploits, I didn’t bother to try to get put back into diapers myself, settling with Pull-Ups.

I begged and begged the nanny to bring her to me, wanting to see her, to make sure this wasn’t a trick of some kind, pretending I wanted to apologize. And, finally, she had, and it had been everything I’d dreamed. She looked so small, so meek. I could tell right away that she was messy, and I could barely speak, wondering if she was also wetting herself in front of me, unable to stop it, just like she seemed unable to keep herself from sucking her thumb.

That would have been enough, but then, as I was getting changed, I could hear the nanny talking, laying out Laura’s new life as the girl just stood by, hardly able to speak. I couldn’t tell if she was actually secretly into diapers, as the nanny had accused her, or if she’d just become so weak-willed that she just accepted everything she was told, even about herself, at face value. And then, the finishing touch, the one that had left me so hot and bothered that I had to get them away as soon as possible, or risk getting caught in the act of masturbating, had come when the nanny had taken her name away, deciding to name her after me.

Now, if I wanted, when I kept in touch with the nanny, as I planned to do, as I listened to her stories of the mischief “Laura” got up to, as I looked at the pictures of her I hoped to get sent, I could imagine it was me, if I liked. Or, more likely, I could think about how, now, Laura was given a reminder of the person who’d done this to her every time someone spoke to her. She might not realize it, but I’d know.

I gasped, waves of pleasure washing over me, leaving me breathless for a moment, toes curled, eyes rolled back in my head as I shivered in ecstasy. Finally, I sank back down into bed, a pleasant exhaustion taking over. It was really too bad there was no chance of pulling this same trick again, not with this nanny.

But there had been other candidates. And I could think of some other people I knew who I wouldn’t mind seeing diapered. My parents had another trip scheduled for the end of the year. As I yawned, stretched, and snuggled up beneath my blankets, I began to wonder if I could set something like this up again by then. And who, I wondered, would be my next victim? I drifted off to sleep, a smile on my lips as I dreamed of potential candidates, seeing them all as Laura, in the last position I’d seen her in – confused, trapped, thumb in her mouth and a load in her pants as she toddled off to fulfill my fantasy.

I felt my body dribbling wetness into my thick diaper, as it sat tucked beneath a red jumper and a pair of white tights decorated with cartoon hearts, felt my mouth sucking harder on my thumb, both reminding me of how far I’d fallen since the last time I’d set foot in this place. I’d been the one in charge back then, the boss; now, I was just another visitor, and not even a consumer. I wasn’t allowed to carry a purse, or money of any kind, so I couldn’t even buy anything if I wanted to.

The thought of my purse sent a bolt through me, a mixture of hope and fear. On one hand, there was every possibility that I’d run into people I knew here, seeing as I’d been working to get ready for this day for months. They could tell my nanny who I was and get me out of here, but that would, of course, require them to see me like this, something I did not particularly want. I’d survived this long. Maybe it would be better to wait for Holly’s parents – it couldn’t be more than another couple days. And it was the weekend, so I shouldn’t have to worry about nursery school, either. I was a little disgusted with myself, that I’d choose another few days of this over my freedom, but it just seemed like the better choice.

“C-Can we go home?” I asked quietly, popping my thumb out for a moment. It came out a little stilted, as I’d learned it was best to just do what I was told without question, but I got it out.

“This is your reward for being a good girl,” the nanny informed me. “I know you might feel a little nervous, dear, but they’re only going to have one grand opening, and I’m sure it would be a pity to miss it. Besides, nobody will even notice you, except to see what a cute little girl you are.”

Tempting fate a little more, I whined, “But I don’t wanna!” It didn’t seem like she was going to listen to my request, but maybe the right amount of brattiness would make her decide I didn’t deserve a reward. I just had to make sure I didn’t go overboard and earn myself a spanking as well.

“Holly, you don’t have to be scared,” she told me. “Once you’re inside, I’m sure you’ll have a great time. And I have another surprise for you inside.”

“What?” I asked nervously. I couldn’t think of any surprise she could give me in the mall that I’d want.

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, now would it?” With that, she got out of the car, walked around to my door, and opened it. I knew I would regret it, but I didn’t get out. I crossed my arms and pouted at her. “Holly,” she said, her voice turning sterner, “you are going inside, young lady. You can do it with a sore bottom if you want, but you’ll still be going.”

Feeling completely helpless – not that it was anything new for me – I got out of the care sulkily, putting my thumb back in my mouth and taking her hand. I felt especially small as she marched me to the entrance. My diaper felt especially thick, making my waddle all the more pronounced. The skirt of my jumper felt especially short, ready to reveal the diaper beneath my tights with one wrong move. The barette holding the hair out of my eyes, with its little bunny head, felt all the more childish, as did the rest of my outfit. My light purple Mary-Janes, decorated with a pink ribbon and bow across the toes, felt especially flat and childish.

It had been only a few days since the last time I’d come into this place, in my high heels, my sleek business suit, a pair of lacy, barely-there underwear beneath it, trying to be nice for a friend of mine who was feeling down. Now, because of her, that familiar click-clacking of my shoes on the tile floor would be replaced by a squeak from the barely-there heel of the Mary-Janes, a sound designed to delight the toddlers they were really meant for, and the crinkle of my diaper. The difference was staggering. It was hard to believe that woman was me – it seemed more like a dream, a far away, half-forgotten dream.

I was still pondering this, sucking on my thumb and not paying attention, when I felt my nanny stop. I glanced up curiously, then my eyes grew wide as I saw who was standing in front of us. “Look who it is!” my nanny exclaimed. “Ms. Shelly explained to them how you were in the wrong school, and how you didn’t realize how much trouble you could have gotten them in with your little fibs, and they’re willing to accept your apology and check out the mall with you!”

I stared up at the nanny in shock, then back at the girls, only then thinking to remove my thumb. Molly and her friends looked like they were about to burst out laughing as they stared down at me, smiling smugly. I looked back over at the nanny, hoping this was some strange joke, but she just nodded toward them.

I didn’t want to apologize – I had nothing to apologize for – but it was what was expected of me, and I knew it was best to do that, quietly and without question or hesitation. So, even though I knew the severity of my current predicament was their fault, that I wouldn’t have wound up back in nursery school, and thus in diapers full time, without them, I forced myself to mumble, “I’m sorry I got you in trouble.”

“Come on, Holly, you can do better than that,” my nanny chastised me. “You could have gotten these poor girls suspended!”

“I’m very sorry,” I said automatically, having to grit my teeth only a little to get through it. “I wasn’t thinking, and I didn’t mean to get you in trouble like that. Please forgive me.”

“Oh, of course we will, sweetie!” Molly gushed, giving me a big hug. “Now, are you ready to have some fun with your big sisters?”

I wasn’t sure what to say, but it didn’t matter anyway, as the nanny transferred my hand to Molly’s before I could answer. “If you need me, just call my cell phone. Lacey, your sister gave the number to you, didn’t she?” Lacey nodded. “I’m sure you girls don’t want to have to deal with her diapers, so I’ll keep her diaper bag and change her when she needs it. But she just got a fresh diaper when she left nursery school, so she should be good for a while.” Even though I knew they were all aware of what I was wearing, the repeated use of the word still mortified me, though not as much as the nanny patting them as she finished, to emphasize it. “Have fun, Holly!”

They waited until she was gone, then, right in the entrance of the mall, Molly positioning me in front of her and, letting go of my hand, reached in, pushing up the skirt of my jumper and pulling down my tights, revealing my diaper to anyone who walked by, though mostly to her friends, as she pressed her hand against the crotch. “Oh, my God, she’s wet already!” she squealed, giving the padding a slight squeeze.

“You weren’t incontinent when you were at school, though, were you?” Molly asked. “Just close.”

“No, they had to use some special equipment on her,” Lacey filled in for me before I could open my mouth, though if I’d done that, I was more likely to put my thumb in it than say anything, as I was feeling quite scared at that moment. “Now she doesn’t have any more control than a baby.”

“Is that any different than before?” Molly teased, grinning as I blushed. “Oh, don’t worry Holly, I know it is. And don’t worry, this diaper suits you.” She let the tights snap back into place over it before giving the front one more pat. “You know, I bet you’d look pretty cute just walking around in your shirt and tights without your jumper. Don’t you?”

She wasn’t asking me, of course, and of course the other girls were eager to agree, even as I shook my head desperately. I felt my mouth start sucking even before I realized my thumb was back inside, and by then they’d seen, so it was too late to try to hide it. Some of them oohed and ahhed, giggling derisively about how precious I looked.

“Come on, Holly,” Molly urged, her hand tightening around the hem of my jumper, lifting it up higher. “We’ll give you a nice make-over.”

“Maybe we can lose the tights, too!” one of the other girls suggested.

The very idea of it, of toddling around this place I should be ruling, strutting through, proud of my work, in just a diaper and shirt made me want to throw up. I may have given up my fight for the sake of keeping my bottom un-spanked, but this was too much. I ripped the skirt away from Molly’s hands, then, before I could talk myself out of it, I took off running.

I knew I’d have only a second or two head start by catching them by surprise, and that with my shorter legs and the diaper between them that wouldn’t do me much good, but I had to do something. I wasn’t sure what my plan was if I managed to get away, but perhaps I could hide in one of the stores, maybe even use one of their phones. I didn’t know who I’d call, but I’d think of someone. I’d get some new clothes, real clothes, then find Holly and drag her to her own house, and watch with satisfaction as she got her butt severely spanked.

I nearly fell over as I ran into someone in my desperation to get away, managing to stay on my feet only when they grabbed me and steadied me. “Sorry,” I blurted out, trying to push past them. But they didn’t let go.

“Did you miss me that much?” my nanny asked. “I heard your little shoes and thought I’d see what you were up to, and…”

“Y-Yeah,” I lied, cutting her off. “Can we just..?”

“There you are!” Molly exclaimed, showing up right on time to make things worse. “What are you thinking running away from us like that?!”

I saw my nanny’s eyes narrow, and quickly worked to explain. “No, they were going to…”

“I thought you were ready for a little outing in public, but apparently I was wrong,” she shook her head. And, despite everything, I felt relieved. Was she finally going to take me home? But when she started to drag me off, it wasn’t back towards the door. “You do not run away from your babysitters, or me, or anyone in charge of you. You can have been hurt, or lost, or even kidnaped! That is very naughty, young lady!”

“Yeah, but…” I stammered, struggling to keep up with her, watching as I passed through my mall, the one I’d worked so hard on, heading right for the fountain at the center, with the ribbon spread out in front of it, waiting to be cut, a job that should have been mine, and, from there, one of the benches. My heart began to pound as I remembered my last trip, how I’d heard a story centering around that very bench. A story that, I realized unhappily as she sat down, pulling me over her lap, was about to repeat itself.

From across her lap, as I sniffled and begged her for mercy, I could see Molly and her friends slide into a table at the food court, the one closest to me, more than close enough to get a good view of the proceedings. By then, the nanny had yanked down the back of my tights, and pushed my diaper down over my bottom, leaving enough of it bare for her to begin her assault.

The sound of her hand slapping against my bottom would likely have drawn enough attention, and I had hoped to leave it at that, but I was sure she was spanking me much harder than usual, as, by the third one, I was wailing, kicking my feet and bawling out my eyes, making quite a spectacle of myself as I stared out across the tiled floor, at the pattern I’d fought so hard to keep unchanged, at my fountain – the ribbon there symbolizing the end of my job, the completion of my first big project, proof that I was an adult, a professional – tinkling gently beside me, between the sound of the spanks, and the pain each sent blossoming across my backside.

Just when I was sure it would never end, my tear-streaked eyes saw something new in front of me, a pair of shadows. “Excuse me, ma’am,” one of them said, a voice that sent a fresh blush to my cheeks as I recognized it, and realized my other cheeks were fully visible to our head security officer. “I’m afraid you can’t do that here.”

“I’m afraid she’s been a very naughty girl, and with children, you must punish them right away, or they won’t realize what it’s for,” the nanny lectured.

Then, to my horror, the other shadow began to speak. I couldn’t even hear his words, as just the voice was enough to make me stop breathing in my spot after one, overly loud, gasp. This was worse than one of the people I’d hired, who’d worked under me before I’d been turned into a baby. This was my boss, the man I’d had to fight tooth and nail to convince I deserved to be allowed a chance to be the head of this project. And I was lying in front of him, bottom freshly spanked and diapered.

I prayed he wouldn’t notice me, that he’d concentrate on telling the nanny exactly why she couldn’t spank me in a public place like this, but, given how few of my prayers had been answered lately, it was hardly a surprise when he knelt down in front of me, his gentle smile turning into a look of shock, and then anger. “Laura?” he asked. I turned my face downward for just a moment, then looked back up at him, knowing there was no use hiding. “Is this what you abandoned your project to do?”

“It’s bad enough you left with no notice, so that I had to fly all the way here and take over. But to do it to play some perverted little game, and to bring it here, in public? Are you trying to humiliate this company?”

“No, please,” I begged, sniffling.

He stood. “If you’d like to continue her spanking,” he said, “I can take you to my office. But after that, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave. And Laura? You aren’t welcome back.”

Thankfully, my nanny decided against taking him up on his offer. But, even so, I cried the whole way to the car, past Molly and her friends, past my fountain and the ribbon in front of it, still uncut, out of the mall I’d put so much work into, for the last time.

I was still squirming on my belly when I heard the rest of the class return from lunch, freezing at the sound, sure they were all staring at me, lying there by Ms. Shelly’s desk. Even if they didn’t know what I’d done, just the fact that I’d been put down for a nap before them was embarrassing, giving them yet another advantage over me. I wore diapers, I ate baby food (and not even on my own), I had to start my nap early… I’m sure they all thought I belonged in one of the younger classes. And, lying there in a full diaper, I couldn’t blame them.

I listened to them bustling about for a little bit, going to the potty again and getting ready for their own nap, before the light was finally turned off. I didn’t expect it to make that much of a difference in whether I was able to get to sleep or not, but the darkness was still somewhat comforting, as another way to disguise what I’d done in my pants.

I knew I didn’t really need a nap, but, besides letting me forget my predicament for a little bit, it would also help me pass a little time, rather than just staring at the wall for however long naptime lasted. I wasn’t used to sleeping on my stomach at all, however, which only made things more difficult, and whenever I started to roll over, the movement made my loaded diaper squish and squelch beneath me, bringing a blush to my cheeks and making me go back to my tummy quickly, spreading my legs out behind me.

I never quite got all the way to sleep, but I did manage to drift in and out some, eyes drooping closed for a few minutes at a time before opening again. After what felt like hours, I heard Ms. Shelly and Ms. Marian starting to wake the kids, Ms. Shelly ending with me, though instead of telling me it was time to get up, she pressed down on my back, pinning me to my mat while Ms. Marian switched on the lights.

“All right, class,” Ms. Shelly said, getting up, leaving me lying at her feet, now too scared to stand up, with everyone staring in my direction, “Ms. Marian is going to take you out to play a little early today. Little Holly is still sleepy, so we’re going to let her nap for just a little longer, okay?”

My heart began to thump at this – was she just giving us some privacy so she could change me? That seemed unlikely. There had to be something else up, and I didn’t want to find out what it was, but what could I do? I listened as the kids piled up their mats and lined up. I tried once to get up and join them, though playing outside in a messy diaper was hardly my idea of a good time, but she pushed me down again, this time with her foot.

“Aww, I know you wanted to play with the other kids,” she said, once they were all gone, “but we’re going to have some fun on our own.” She pushed the blanket aside and lifted me to my sock-clad feet, stripping me of my jumper again, leaving my drooping diaper on full display. “What a good girl you are,” she cooed, reaching down and patting the diaper, “making a big, ol’ poopy diaper just for me. Oh, don’t pout. Come here.”

She sat down on her chair, spreading her legs slightly, then reaching out and dragging me a little closer. “Come here,” she repeated, patting her leg. I paled a bit, shaking my head, which earned me a threat of, “Do you want me to take you to the nursery? I bet you’d fit in quite well there. Better than here. Is that what you want?”

“No,” I squeaked. She patted her leg again, letting me know that was my choice. I sighed and toddled over to her, gingerly lowering myself onto her leg, perching on the edge, wrinkling my nose. She grabbed me and turned me around so I was straddling her leg, forcing my bottom further down into the mess, making it squish between my legs and up the front, coating me in the filth quite thoroughly, or so it felt.

She began to bounce me, making it all the worse. “What a good little baby you are, Laura,” she told me. “I bet you’re wetting yourself more even now. I’d ask you, but you don’t even know, do you? Just like a real little baby. I’m surprised you were able to keep from messing yourself for so long. But guess what, Laura? That’s not going to happen again. You know those pills you’ve been taking, and will keep taking? Those are fiber supplements, sweetie, to make sure you have plenty in your tummy to fill your pants with, and that it’s nice and soft so it’s harder for you to hold in. You’ve been getting it in your drinks, too, so I’m sure it’s already starting to work in there.” She patted my stomach, pulling me a little closer to her, continuing to move her leg up and down beneath me as I squirmed and moaned.

I would have liked to be able to think that she was bluffing, making it up, that my life hadn’t fallen under other peoples’ control in yet another way, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure what else the pills could have been. And even knowing what they were, it hardly mattered. Ms. Shelly was right. I was going to keep taking them, if that’s what she and the nanny decided was best for me. I didn’t want to, but my wants weren’t part of the picture anymore. I did what I was supposed to do, what I was told, because I wanted them to think I was a good girl so I wouldn’t get punished. Whether I liked it or not didn’t matter – my nanny knew what was best, so she called the shots. And she put me in Ms. Shelly’s care, so what she said went as well. I was completely under their power.

As I mulled over that realization, I found my thumb making its way into my mouth, rooting itself there. Ms. Shelly seemed quite pleased with that, and while that alone should have made me stop, any time I removed it, I somehow discovered it back there whenever I got distracted. She slowed her bouncing, then stopped it, telling me again what a good little girl I was before setting me on the floor, taking my free hand, and walking me into the bathroom for a change, and to get me re-dressed. And for another round of pills. It was a little harder to make myself take them, knowing what they were, but all it took was a stern glance in my direction to get me moving.

The fight, what little of it had survived even that long, was gone. I sat and listened and participated in her class, letting her check me and change me when she saw fit, sucking my thumb more often than I’d care to admit. This was the role I’d been given, clearly, and there seemed to be no escaping it, so I embraced it instead.

When my nanny came to pick me up, she seemed a bit surprised to find me with my thumb still firmly, and wetly, stuck between my lips, but I don’t think she minded. She was less pleasant about the story Ms. Shelly had fed her about how I’d refused to use the toilet, earning me another lecture on how lazy I was acting and another early bedtime – I was just glad Ms. Shelly seemed to have decided against getting me in trouble for calling her a bitch, for which I was grateful.

The next morning was similar to the one before, though without the surprise of an overly-wet diaper. The diaper was still there, of course, and the catheter made sure it was good and soaked, but after a day of being unable to control myself, nothing about it was shocking. I gagged my way through another breakfast, then let myself be taken back upstairs to be gotten ready for yet another day at nursery school.

That morning, after powdering and oiling my smooth crotch, the nanny flipped me over onto my stomach. I hadn’t been expecting it, but I wasn’t about to ask what was going on. Other than saying good morning and answering her questions, I hadn’t said anything, and everything seemed to be going much smoother than the last couple days, probably for just that reason. I could hear something going on behind me, something that didn’t sound too encouraging, though I chalked that up to paranoia. Before I could get up the courage to see for sure, my nanny was spreading my legs apart gently. Then she began to shove a heavily greased something up my bottom.

I gave a little cry of surprise and began to squirm, shocked and unhappy about what I was feeling, but she just kept pushing it in until she was satisfied, before turning me back over and taping me into my diaper. My face was still flushed when I walked into Ms. Shelly’s class. I didn’t have the guts to ask the nanny about it, but I was sure Ms. Shelly’s little story had earned me this punishment, that I had been given a butt plug to ensure I didn’t do anything like that again. Ms. Shelly might even have suggested it – I probably would have, after having to change one poopy diaper.

Strangely enough, as humiliating and invasive as it was, it gave me a little confidence. It wouldn’t be comfortable, sure – it already wasn’t, and I was positive that would only get worse as my need to move my bowels increased – but it would make sure I didn’t have a messy diaper in front of the rest of the class. I would have preferred just getting to use the toilet, of course, but I wasn’t going to complain, at least not yet. In fact, pathetic as it was, I almost considered thanking my nanny for it when she came to pick me up. After all, filling my pants in front of just Ms. Shelly was bad enough. Doing it in front of a bunch of toddlers would be absolutely mortifying. It was bad enough I was constantly peeing myself around them. If I did that, too, I had serious doubts about whether I would be able to go back to my job once this all cleared up.

It would be bad enough anyway, since I’d just vanished, as far as anyone knew, and I couldn’t tell them the truth about what happened. But even if they didn’t know, I would, and I had no doubt the memory would haunt me for a long time. If I were to take that last little step, however, and have a messy accident in the middle of class, well, I just wasn’t sure if I could take myself seriously in any position of authority again, knowing I’d done that as a theoretically fully functioning adult. And if I didn’t believe in myself, why would anyone who worked for me? So, as much as it made me squirm when I sat, and waddle a little more when I walked, and as unfamiliar its constant presence was, I was slightly grateful for it.

It also helped that Carla had an accident that morning. She was waiting in line to go to the bathroom, while I sat boredly at my table, and I saw her burst into tears. A few seconds later, I saw a pair of wet spots start to run down the insides of her pants. While I knew it wasn’t very nice of me, I couldn’t help but smile as I saw that. Sure, I was in diapers, but I wasn’t the only baby in the class now – and at least I didn’t make puddles when I had my accidents.

So, I was feeling pretty good that morning, pleased with myself. I knew I was never going to be someone the kids looked up to, other than physically, and I didn’t think they’d forget that I was the one in diapers, but at least having Carla put back into Pull-Ups for the day had to help my social standing some. She didn’t seem happy that I’d been assigned to sit at her table, either, probably thinking that Ms. Shelly was putting the babies together, and not liking to be classified as that any more than me.

We were given an assignment to color pictures of leaves so they matched colors of leaves we’d seen. My tummy was starting to feel pretty full by then, but I knew there wasn’t much I could do about it, so I tried to ignore it. Then, as I leaned forward to get a crayon from across the table, I smelled it.

I knew it was wrong of me, and certainly not mature, but I was still sure Carla had locked me out of the bathroom my first day there, and this was probably the closest I’d be able to come to getting back at her. I sniffed the air dramatically, sitting up so I’d be more visible to Ms. Shelly, and, yes, the other kids. When none of them noticed, or at least bothered to comment, I spoke up with a, “Ms. Shelly, I…”

“What did we talk about, Holly?” Ms. Shelly asked, shutting me down temporarily as I blushed and raised my hand. “Very good. What is it, Holly?”

“Ms. Shelly,” I said with a grin, “I’m pretty sure one of these babies had an accident.” I gave Carla a pointed look as I said ‘babies’, again knowing I might be going a bit far, especially as I saw the girl squirm, but not caring. For once, I wasn’t going to be the infant of the class. She might even land herself back in diapers for this! Heck, if it wasn’t for her, I might not have gotten this catheter put in me. I might be back in Pull-Ups myself by now! “I can’t concentrate on my picture with the smell,” I added, giving the knife one final twist. It was sad that my nemesis, such as she was, was a toddler, or that it had taken something like this for me to get back at her, but I didn’t know when, or if, I’d have another chance to show her not to mess with me, so I was going to take it.

As Ms. Shelly got up from her desk, along with Ms. Marian, and started making their rounds of the room, slowly winding their way around the tables, I smiled to myself, satisfied that my revenge was in motion. I sank back down in my seat, feeling smug…

Then my cheeks began to flush and my nose wrinkled as my bottom was greeted by a mushy squish. It was impossible, wasn’t it? It couldn’t be what I thought it was! Embarrassed and confused, my thumb made its way back to my mouth as I fidgeted, confirming that, yes, I had somehow filled my pants, not only despite the butt plug, but without noticing. I looked back up at the teachers, circling closer and closer, as I sank down in my seat, praying that, against all odds, one of the other kids was in the same predicament as me, that they’d find them first and leave me alone a little longer. I wouldn’t want to stay in this diaper for too long, but at least long enough that they wouldn’t know I’d complained about myself.

But they never stopped, never bent down to so much as ask one of the other kids if they’d had an accident, and as they got closer, I gulped, squirming to try to hide and find a comfortable position at the same time. My palms began to sweat at Ms. Shelly drew closer and closer to my table, making it hard to keep ahold of my crayons as I stared intently down at my picture, only daring to watch her from the corner of my eye now that she was almost on me. And then, by some miracle, she passed me up. I let out a sigh of relief, hoping she was just going to write this off as me being overly dramatic or something.

“Oh, Holly,” she said, turning back around to face me with a knowing grin. I paled, turning toward her, thumb in mouth. “Did you have an accident?”

I briefly considered saying no, but what good would it really do me? She probably wouldn’t believe me, and would check me, turning me around to face the class as I stared down at my feet, feeling her tug out the back of my diaper and discover my lie, which she would likely then report to my nanny. Reluctantly, I nodded, standing up and taking her hand as she led me through the class, knowing they all knew what I had done, and that it was my fault. I’d done this to myself.

Except that, as I discovered after my second surprise messy diaper of the day (which I wisely stayed quiet about), wasn’t entirely true. I didn’t know what was going on – I could quite clearly feel that the plug was still in, just as I could feel the load in my pants that I was sure couldn’t be there. I wasn’t sure if I was going crazy, or having a dream, or what.

For her part, Ms. Shelly didn’t seem at all surprised as she praised me for making her another present, pressing my butt plug a little further inside as she cleaned me up. That was when I began to put two and two together. The nanny had been upset with me for wetting myself, supposedly on purpose, so she’d given me a catheter. She’d been upset that I pooped my pants, again, supposedly on purpose, and now I was doing that without control, either. I was sure she was behind it, though I wasn’t able to confirm that until she removed it that night and I saw that it was hollow.

The fact that it was helped along artificially did little to make me feel better about having been rendered incontinent. I now not only wore diapers, I needed them, fully and completely. I spent my days at nursery school, and most nights I was in bed before 6 pm. I was bathed, fed, dressed… I was, for all intents and purposes, a toddler.

There was nothing I could do about it but accept it, try to be the best little girl I could. I stayed quiet at nursery school, unless I was called on, I played as nicely as I could with the other kids, though Carla wasn’t very happy with me for calling her a baby and trying to blame my accident on her, I did everything I could to make sure Ms. Shelly had only good things to tell my nanny when she came to pick me up.

And it worked. “You’ve really turned your behavior around this week,” my nanny told me that Friday morning, as she got me up. “I’m very proud of you, Holly. Some people are just suited for different ages, and this one seems to be yours.” I smiled at the praise, though I hated the idea of what she was actually saying. “So, I have a nice surprise for you after school today.”

I could barely concentrate all that day. I doubted the surprise would be anything great, such as getting my old life back, but, at that point, it hardly mattered – Holly’s parents should be coming home in the next few days, judging from what my nanny had told Holly about how long I’d be away from rehearsal, and once they did, I was free anyway – I was just hoping for a small victory. Maybe a permanent removal of the catheter, or a reprieve from the butt plug. Even a later bedtime would have been nice.

I knew right away none of those would be it. The car was heading the complete opposite direction from Holly’s house. I thought that maybe we were going out to eat instead, or perhaps to a movie. I hadn’t had a chance to do the latter for a while, so it might be nice, even if I’d probably be forced into picking a kid’s movie. Going out to eat would be a good change of pace, too, saving me from the oatmeal and baby food I’d been stuck with for so much of the past week.

But that wasn’t it, either. My heart began to pound as she continued to drive and things began to look more and more familiar to me as they whizzed by outside my window. I hoped I was wrong, that there was something else beyond there, some other surprise, anything but where I knew, with a sinking feeling in my gut, she was taking me. I began to suck harder on my thumb, closing my eyes, as if that would make this all go away.

I told myself it felt like a much longer ride than it should before I felt her slow down, like she was entering a parking lot. “Oh, this is a good spot!” she exclaimed. I listened to her turn the car off, then chuckle. “What are you doing, silly? Are you that sleepy? You can go to bed once we get home, but I think you’ll want to check this out first. Come on, open your eyes.”

Reluctantly, I did as I was told. And there, right in front of me, entrance decked out with a huge banner declaring its grand opening tonight, was my mall.

Other than the smaller size and brighter colors, the cafeteria at the nursery school was surprisingly normal, though there were quite a few more grown-ups roaming around, making sure there was no choking going on, than you’d find at a regular school. Even the food I saw in front of the kids was childish, sure, but not to the extent that it could have been – chicken nuggets, rice, broccoli, apple slices. While I wouldn’t choose that for a meal, I wouldn’t say no to it, either.

Unfortunately, that was out of my hands. Rather than taking me to collect my food, as I’d expected her to, Ms. Shelly led me to the table where the rest of the class was sitting, to two open seats near the head. I blushed as the kids looked up at me, sure they could tell the struggle going on inside of me, and what I’d almost just done. Ms. Shelly didn’t seem to notice, just set my diaper bag on the table and began to rummage through it.

The first thing she took out was a pink, plastic bib, which I found tied around my neck before I could even try to stop it, or tell her I didn’t need it. Nobody else at our table had a bib, of course, a fact I was sure they were all aware of. Then, to make things even worse, she set a baby bottle in front of me. “Drink this while I get your lunch ready,” she instructed. I looked over at her, pleadingly, but I could find no mercy in her gaze. The apple juice in the bottle was a bit warm, and had the same strange texture to it as the other juice I’d been drinking lately. It was enough to make me wonder if there was just something wrong with my tongue. It would be hard to judge, since I’d mostly been eating oatmeal lately, and that tasted gritty and gross to me anyway.

And then, as I reluctantly sucked on the bottle, I watched in horror as she pulled out several large jars of baby food, setting them in front of me in a row, first strained pea, then prune, finally, I guess as a dessert, banana. I groaned from behind the nipple, hoping beyond hope that it was a joke.

“You have to eat,” she told me as she heard my wordless protest. “Don’t you like these?” I knew it was probably a trap, but I shook my head anyway. “If you want, I can mix them all together and you’ll be done with them quicker.”

I nearly gagged at just the thought of that, then shook my head vehemently. Not only would probably be incredibly nasty, it wouldn’t really go down any faster, since there would be the same amount.

“Just thought I’d offer,” she shrugged, opening up the jar of strained peas and taking out a pink spoon. “Now put down your bottle, sweetie, so I can feed you.”

“I can feed myself,” I informed her, moving my bottle only slightly away from my mouth. That wasn’t about to happen, however, and she let me know by snatching the bottle away and replacing it with a heaping spoonful of green mush. Almost instinctively when I felt the texture and tasted it, I wanted it out, sending some of it gushing out the sides of my mouth, down my face and onto my bib, making me look, I realized, even more like an infant. Ms. Shelly scooped it up off my face and shoveled it back in, then followed it up with another over-full serving. There was no escape from it, and just when I finally cleared out the first jar, it was on to the prune. It tasted, if it were even possible, worse than the pea, meaning even more of it wound up decorating my bib, though more than enough got inside me. The banana wasn’t bad, but by then I was feel quite full. Ms. Shelly would hear none of that, barely giving me time to say it in between bites, and then, when she was finally done, she stuck my bottle into my mouth, holding it there until I put my hands around it.

My stomach grumbled, clearly having trouble finding room for all this new food when there was so much already in me, and I was squirming and fighting to keep that from coming out. I looked around the table as I drank the bottle, surprised to see how slowly the other kids were eating. We might be there a while, I realized, and I wasn’t sure if I’d have that long. Was it going to happen here, as I sucked at a bottle, still wearing a bib smeared with gooey, sticky baby food, the same kind that had just been shoveled into my mouth? Even as I thought it, I felt a cramp, one that made me bite the nipple of the bottle from the pain of it. I pressed my bottom into the seat of the chair, struggling to keep my own prophecy from coming true.

“Is there anything wrong, Holly?” Ms. Shelly asked me sweetly, and I just glared at her while I stopped myself from giving her a show. “Are you still hungry? I can see if I can find anything else for you to eat!”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to go hungry, sweetie.” She reached over, patting my full tummy, then starting to rub it again. I tried to swat her hand away desperately, knowing what she was trying and also fully aware that I was in no shape to resist it again. “You’re so fussy!” she teased me, thankfully stopping with one final pat. “Do you need a change?” Before I could answer, she was up and walking to her assistant, asking in a stage whisper loud enough for me and anyone else to hear, “Will you be all right here? I think Holly needs a diaper change and a little extra nap time. Besides, she needs cleaning up – she’s a messy eater.”

“Go ahead,” Ms. Marian told her, and just a few seconds later, I was being marched back through the lunch room, still waddling in my even wetter diaper, stomach in even more pain, now in a food-covered bib, while my face was in similar shape. Ms. Shelly took me back to the classroom, and from there back to the bathroom, where she took off my bib and rinsed it off, then roughly washed my face. When she was satisfied, she lifted me up onto the changing table, putting me on the side so my feet dangled off the edge, letting her pull off my boots, putting them next to the diaper bag. She removed my vest as well, folding it and putting it on top of the boots.

She pushed me onto my back and strapped me down so she could dig in the diaper bag for a fresh diaper, and a thick soaker pad that she applied to the center, making sure I could see her doing it. “I don’t want a heavy wetter like you leaking during naptime,” she informed me. “Because, as you know, once you’re down for your nap, you’re not to get up again until I tell you it’s over. Maybe we should use two. What do you think? Oh, what do you know? We’ll do two.” She smiled as she saw me squirm as she put on a second soaker, then untaped my current diaper.

This was it, I knew. This time, I knew she wasn’t going to let me out of this diaper until I’d pooped it, even if it meant extending my naptime for the rest of the day, not that she was going to need to. Once it was taped on, there was no turning back. “Please!” I squeaked pitifully. She stopped for a moment, looking at me curiously. “Please, let me use the potty!”

“A big baby like you doesn’t deserve the potty,” she informed me. “Look at how wet you made this diaper!”

“Please!” I tried again.

To my surprise, she unstrapped me, lifting me down to the floor, and then removing my jumper. I started for the toilet, but she stopped me. “Beg,” she ordered. I looked up at her in confusion, and she repeated it. “Beg, if you really want to use it. Show me.”

I pressed my palms together and stared up at her with pleading eyes. “Please, please let me.” She shook her head, and I carefully got down on my knees. “Please, I just want to use the potty.”

“Go on.”

“Please, let me use the potty,” I said. “Please don’t make me use my diaper, please.”

“Keep going,” she instructed. “Why are you asking me? Oh, and, Laura? Don’t you dare have an accident on this floor before you’re done, young lady.”

“B-But…” I flushed, before giving up. I had no way of controlling when, or if, I went, and the whole morning had been proof of that, as I’d tried everything I could think of to stop myself from wetting my diapers, and failed every time. I was just going to have to hurry, and, I was sure, that was Ms. Shelly’s whole plan. “I need you to let me because I’m just a baby, and you’re a grown-up, and you’re in charge of me,” I fumbled, not quite sure what she wanted me to say. “Please, I…” I squirmed, feeling a trickle of urine run between my legs. I clamped them even further closed in desperation. “I’m completely in your control, and you can do whatever you want with me. So I’m just asking, please, this once, just let me use the potty!”

“You’re right,” she beamed, more than happy to confirm all my suspicions. “You are in my control. And you know what I want? I want to see you toddle up to me in a full diaper and beg me for a change. So your little bottom is going right into your nice, thick diaper until you can do that.” She picked me up, then wrinkled her nose as she looked down. “I also think you’re going to clean that up once I have you in your diaper, so you don’t make an even bigger mess.”

Stepping around my little puddle, she put me back on the changing table, not bothering with the straps this time before cleaning me up, starting with my crotch so she could shove the extra-thick diaper beneath it, then moving down my legs before going back up to sprinkle a liberal amount of baby powder on me before taping me in. The soakers gave the diaper, which I was starting to get used to, unfortunately, just enough extra bulk for the whole thing to feel strange between my legs again.

“Sit up,” she ordered, turning me so my legs dangled over the front of the table once I’d done so. Unsurprisingly, it was to give me more pills and water before lifting me down and handing me a damp paper towel. “Now clean up your mess.”

Feeling quite silly, I carefully knelt down in front of the spot I’d been doing the same thing in just a minute or two before, though this time I wouldn’t have been able to squeeze my legs together if I wanted to. Not that it would matter – with all this padding between them, there was no way I’d be leaking on the floor again anytime soon. My stomach rumbled ominously beneath my pink shirt, making me sink my bottom down lower onto the tiled floor, pressing the diaper up against me.

“No, no,” she shook her head. “Get on your hands and knees and do it.”

The cramps in my tummy were still going, and getting stronger, leaving me unable to do much more than sit there, squirming, not able to even beg her, again, for mercy she likely wasn’t going to show. She didn’t like that, of course. “On your hands and knees, Laura, or I’ll make you crawl the rest of the day!”

I opened my mouth, though I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, but all that came out was a quiet grunt. I was sure I could weather this, if she just gave me another few seconds. It wouldn’t be much, but it would buy me a little more time, and…

“Now!”

It happened almost automatically, my fear at what she’d do to me, or have my nanny do to me, overriding my sense in a moment of panic. I bent forward, sliding my hands out in front of me, trying to make her see I’d do what she wanted just as soon as I could. But I slid just a little too far, felt my bottom lift off the floor. I immediately panicked, trying to drop back down, but it was already too late. As soon as they had an empty space to fill, my bowels were more than willing to do so. I gasped as I felt the mess starting to push out, beyond my control or ability to stop it.

My cheeks turned red from the strain and the humiliation as my body took over, lifting my butt rather than lowering it, forcing my face down until it was against the floor, staring right out at my previous accident as I tried to complete my current one. I felt it hit the back of my diaper, then bulge it out before spreading across the seat, a slow, unstoppable journey that left me short of breath, only to be followed up by another, softer surge of soft mush, ballooning the seat of my pants out even further.

“There’s a good girl,” Ms. Shelly praised me, snapping another picture before patting my bulging diaper, making me flush and squirm away weakly, every movement reminding me of the inescapable nature of what I’d just done. “Come on,” she said after a moment or two, “clean up your little mess so we can get your nap started.”

I pouted, staring up at her unhappily. “D-Don’t I get a change?”

She shook her head. “I just changed you, sweetie. You should have just gone before that. Now you’re going to have to wait.” I felt tears forming at the corners of my eyes as I wiggled about in my full pants, but she either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “On your hands and knees,” she reminded me.

I lifted myself on shaky arms, wiping at the wet spot with paper towel after paper towel, until Ms. Shelly stopped handing them to me, making me assume she was satisfied. She grabbed my jumper, but when I started to stand so she could put it on me, she stopped me. “I think you should crawl out,” she said. “Then I’ll get you dressed again once you’re out there.”

I knew it wasn’t a suggestion, that I had no choice, so I sighed and stayed on my hands and knees, waiting for her to open the bathroom door so I could crawl out, glad to see the other students hadn’t somehow snuck back into the room without making a racket. My diaper sagged behind me, swaying slightly with its heavy load, while I crawled beside Ms. Shelly, feeling utterly and completely infantilized.

“I think I’ll have you sleep up near my desk, so your stinky pants don’t disturb the other kids too much,” she told me. “If it gets too bad, maybe I’ll see if there’s an empty crib somewhere for you.” I didn’t bother to answer, not sure I even had the strength, mentally or physically. I watched her get me a mat, then lifted my arms for her to slide the jumper over me, glad for that bit of camouflage for my diapers, even if I knew it was probably pointless. Carefully, I laid down on my side, then quickly rolled over onto my stomach, trying to keep from squishing the mess against myself too much.

“Sleep tight,” Ms. Shelly said, tugging at the hem of my jumper, then spreading a blanket over me.

I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get to sleep at all, with the state of my diaper, but I hoped I could follow her directions, so I could think, at least for a little while, that I was imagining all this.

If I’d thought sitting through class the day before was mind numbing and humiliating, it was only because I hadn’t known how much worse it would be with an ever-growing full feeling in my guts that I was growing increasingly certain would prove too much for me before the day was over, and a diaper that was growing ever-wetter without my consent. The combination made it all but impossible to pay attention, while, at the same time, making me feel so much like I belonged there that, other than when Ms. Shelly called me “Laura” during my diaper changes – each one accompanied by more pills, and more water to ensure I’d need another change soon enough – the thought of that life was relegated entirely to the back of my mind, like it was part of a game of make-believe I’d been playing.

My life now was that of Holly, the big girl who was nonetheless the baby of her class at nursery school, the last in diapers, watched and lorded over by a pack of toddlers who were all beyond daytime diapers, while I was nowhere near ready to make that leap. I was sure they were watching me constantly, eyes on my padded, often droopy, bottom, looking for any sign of a leak so they could report it to Ms. Shelly and get a gold star for being so helpful.

I couldn’t help but wonder how the real Holly would react to this situation. While I knew I didn’t deserve this, and normally wouldn’t wish it on anyone else either, as the day wore on, I began to feel more and more certain that if anyone deserved it, it was her. After all, this was all meant for her. But if the nanny really had started her work on the real Holly, would she still have wound up here? I tried to tell myself that of course she would, that this was probably the nanny’s plan all along, but even I had a hard time believing that. Put in my – or, rather, her own – place, would she have made the same choices as me? Since she couldn’t really deny that it was her, at least not truthfully, probably not. A lot of my problems had stemmed from that, and from her… If she’d just accepted the treatment, she might still be in high school, perhaps dressed more childishly than she’d prefer, but otherwise unharmed. Since she still was one, she probably knew enough about teenage girls to have known to avoid Molly and her gang. And without my nervous bladder, she probably wouldn’t have gotten herself diapered by the school nurse. She’d be a little embarrassed, yes, but probably faring far better than I was.

“Holly!” I jumped at the sound of the name I’d been so deep in thought about, looking up at Ms. Shelly. “Do you know the answer, Holly?”

“Umm…” I fidgeted nervously in my seat, unsure of what the question even was.

“You have to pay attention,” she berated me. “Were you distracted by something?” I shook my head, but that wasn’t enough for her. “Stand up,” she ordered, pulling me to her when I did and lifting the skirt of my jumper before I could try to stop her, slipping two fingers past the leg elastic of my diaper, then spinning me around so I could face the rest of the class, red-faced, as she tugged out the back of it, staring in for a moment before letting it snap back into place and patting it. “At least you haven’t had too much of an accident,” she praised me, as if that was a major accomplishment. “But you need to listen to me, okay? Or I’ll have to put you in time out again.”

Cheeks still burning, I nodded, then mumbled, “Yes, Ms. Shelly,” before starting to sink back down into my chair.

Ms. Shelly grabbed my arm, keeping me standing, as she announced, “All right, class, it’s time for lunch. Line up with Ms. Marian and I’ll be along with Holly here in just a few minutes.” I was understandably curious as to why I’d been held back, since I wasn’t all that wet, but my stomach didn’t feel like it was in any shape for me to be putting more stuff into it just yet, so I didn’t mind too much. I wasn’t terribly happy to hear, “Let’s go get you some more pills,” as an explanation once the other kids were gone, however.

I wanted to complain that I’d just had some at my last change, but in the interest of appearing to be a good little girl, I kept my mouth shut while she guided me back to the bathroom and started getting out more of the pills, upping the dose to six this time. As I took the first, she took the opportunity to check the back of my diaper again.

“I have to say, I’m impressed,” she told me, refilling my cup, “you still haven’t pooped yourself. I know it must be getting hard, huh? I bet that little tummy of yours is getting pretty full, isn’t it?” She reached out and patted my stomach, making it much harder for me to continue to ignore her, as I squirmed at the touch. “I’ll tell you what… You use your diaper right now, and I’ll go ahead and change you right away. Nobody else will need to know, except your nanny, of course. Come on, Laura, it’s the most privacy you’re going to get.”

I looked up at her, confused and conflicted. I knew better than to trust her, of course – when she said she was going to tell the nanny, I was sure she’d be more than willing to mention that I’d been in the bathroom at the time, and didn’t even ask to use the toilet – but if nothing else, this, or immediately before or after one of my changes, was my best shot at keeping it between us. Unless she was bluffing. I took another pill as I pondered, searching her face for an indication of how truthful she was being, but it was hard to read past her smirk. Finally, I asked, “Right away?” quietly.

“Right away,” she confirmed. “You won’t even have to walk over to the changing table.”

It wasn’t ideal, not by any means, but if it was going to happen, I might as well make it as easy on myself as possible. No worries about when, during the rest of the school day, the fullness in my belly would become too much, whether I’d be able to mask what I was doing, if Ms. Shelly would call me out on it after I toddled up to her, load in my diaper, probably on the edge of tears at the humiliation of it all. And besides the low fixtures and the changing table – which I was turned away from anyway – the bathroom was far less childish than the classroom. Not that I could maintain much dignity when I was filling my pants, but that might be enough to save a sliver or so.

As I took my final pill, I debated waiting it out, just in case I really could last until my nanny picked me up, but a rumble in my stomach, even more painful than the ones I’d been having most of the morning, reminded me how little chance there was of that. I sighed, setting the cup on the sink, and, steeling my nerves, told her, “Okay.” After an anxious swallow and moment of silence, I even managed to ask, “Could you wait outside?”

That got about the response I expected – “Oh, definitely not” – but it had been worth a shot. I tried, “Can I sit on the toilet?” as a back-up.

She shook her head. “You’re going to do it standing there, like any other little baby. You can squat if you want.” As if to emphasize that it was off-limits, she sat down on the closed toilet lid herself, folding her arms while she watched.

I bit my bottom lip, staring at her. I felt like I was about to give a performance for her, and my anxiety seemed to have, temporarily at least, soothed the savage beast in the pit of my stomach. Actually using the bathroom in my pants probably contributed to that a lot – it might even have been one of the main reasons it hadn’t already happened – but doing it not just around other people, but as they were watching me specifically, made it seem all but impossible. Which put me in the somehow even more humiliating position of having to choose between really working at it to get it over with, or waiting and running the risk of an accident around the kids.

If I could have just sat on the toilet, that would have been one thing. I could have closed my eyes, did my best to pretend I wasn’t wearing a diaper, that I wasn’t in the bathroom at a nursery school, that it was just a perfectly normal bathroom break. But Ms. Shelly wasn’t budging, so instead, I found myself taking her suggestion and squatting. I had to close my eyes, unable to take seeing her watch me as I started to bear down, struggling to do something utterly unthinkable, my face turning red once more, this time from the effort as much as the embarrassment.

I was almost there when I heard the click of her camera phone, making my eyes shoot open and killing any momentum I’d built up. “I just thought your nanny should see how eager you were,” Ms. Shelly said. “You just couldn’t wait to make a big old surprise for me, now could you?”

“Nooo,” I whimpered helplessly.

“Now hurry up,” she ordered. “We can’t stay in here all day. We have to get you your lunch!”

“I can’t,” I shook my head. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?!”

“Oh, I think you can,” she said, leaning forward and grabbing me, dragging me up and onto the toilet. I tried to squirm free, afraid I was in for a spanking or something, only for her to pinch me between her legs, crossing them in front of mine as her hand went to my stomach, starting to rub it in a circular motion, hand pressing harder and harder with every revolution. “I have faith that if there’s one thing you can accomplish, it’s this. Come on, Laura. You wouldn’t want to disappoint me, would you? I’ll tell you what… You do it, and I won’t send your nanny that picture. I’ll even tell her it was an accident, that you were waiting your line for the potty and you just couldn’t make it. That would be a little better, wouldn’t it?”

I nodded, sweating as I felt the massage starting to get things moving again. This whole exercise was proving to be quite draining, physically and emotionally. I hated to admit it, but I was almost looking forward to naptime. I closed my eyes again, trying to pretend I was alone, though the feel of her body all around me made that difficult, and tried once more to end this ordeal, face turning red again as I started to push…

“Time’s up!” she declared, suddenly stopping the belly rub and unlocking her legs, pushing me up onto my own shaky ones. I gasped, panting slightly, disoriented, body right on the verge of taking advantage of my weakened state. “I sure hope you aren’t going,” she teased, grinning maliciously down at me. “I’m not changing you until after lunch now, no matter what happens.” I squeaked, pressing my arms between my legs, up against the damp padding of my diaper, and squeezed my legs together around them, fighting the start the avalanche I’d just worked so hard to start.

“You… You…” I gasped, trying to catch my breath. I wanted to shoot off a stream of obscenities at her, but I remembered her earlier warning just in time and kept my mouth shut, even though it was quite a struggle.

“I know,” she said breezily, grabbing my diaper bag and slinging it over her shoulder. “Now come on, it’s lunch time.” She held her hand out insistently, but I didn’t dare take it, or move any muscle in my body at all. They all seemed devoted to one goal, and I wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction of not reaching it. Then she started to count. “One…”

I knew it was a trick, the sort of thing mothers did to keep their kids in line because they didn’t realize it was mostly meaningless. Except, with her, was it really such an empty threat? I didn’t know what she’d dare to do, and she clearly had no problem with the idea of torturing me for no apparent reason.

“Two…”

Internally, I began to beg my body for mercy, praying for it to help me out for once. It wouldn’t be much, but any little victory over Ms. Shelly would really help me out.

“Two and a half…”

Desperately, expecting the worst, I broke free of my pose and reached out for her hand. Miraculously, nothing came out into my diaper, nor did it as she washed my hands, and then hers, in the sink, or as she started to lead me through the school. I could tell she was a little disappointed, and that brightened my day a tad, but I knew it couldn’t last long. If I’d been inches from an accident before, it was down to centimeters now, and with every step I was bringing myself closer and closer to the point of no return.

It was about the time the other kids started to show up that the bloated feeling in my tummy began to transform into something else, something more sinister, as if I wasn’t already nervous enough being around them again, still in diapers, now needing them. Not that they would know that, but just the thought of it was enough to make me feel more insecure. As did the thought that, sometime that day, I’d have to ask Ms. Shelly to let me use the bathroom, probably in front of the whole class. Even if I were to line up at one of the designated potty break times, I’m sure that, given the state of my bladder, she’d demand an explanation. After all, I can’t imagine she’d give up such an easy chance to humiliate me.

My best chance would have been to ask before the rest of the class started to get there, or to wait until they left, assuming that my nanny was one of the last ones to show up to collect me. But I was too late for the first, and the more time passed, as I fidgeted in my seat, only half paying attention to what Ms. Shelly was saying at the head of the class, the more I knew the second wasn’t really an option. After all, it had been two days since I’d done… that. Even without the oatmeal and prunes, I’d be fighting a losing battle.

“Holly!” I looked up quickly at the sound of the name, surprised to find Ms. Shelly standing in front of my table.

“Y-Yes?” I asked, glancing around at the other kids, who were alternately giggling and aghast at how little attention I’d been paying.

“Did you bring your assignment?” I stared at her blankly until she clarified, “You were supposed to bring in five leaves that had changed color and fallen off trees near your house.”

“I… I didn’t…” I fumbled, trying to remember if I could recall hearing that the day before during my extensive time out or not.

“Everyone else did it,” Ms. Shelly pointed out, and, indeed, I could see leaves spread out over all the tables. Ms. Shelly bent down a little closer to me. “Did you not know how many five is, sweetie? It’s an easy one, isn’t it class?”

The kids all nodded and murmured their agreement, with Susie raising her hand and waiting to be called on before chirping, “It’s how many fingers you have on each hand!” I glared over at her, and, more importantly, Carla sitting beside her, who I was still convinced had stolen the bathroom key the day before, likely under Susie’s orders.

“That’s right!” Ms. Shelly confirmed. “So you just needed one leaf for each finger!”

“I know how much five is,” I grumbled sourly.

“Really?” Ms. Shelly asked. “How about you show us?” I looked up at her, confused. “Come on,” she said, getting me up off my chair and leading me to the chalkboard, putting a piece of chalk into my left hand. “Write out the numbers up to five for us.”

“Okay…” I started to switch the chalk to my right hand, only for her to put it back, giving me a stern look. I felt silly enough having to do something so simple, and being treated like I could possibly have a problem with it, but obviously that wasn’t enough for her. I almost considered not playing her game and giving up, except that I doubted the kids would realize that’s what I was doing. Instead, they’d just assume I really couldn’t count to five. I knew I shouldn’t care what they thought, but, like it or not, they were my classmates, and after Susie’s comment that I smelled like her baby sister, and me having to spend most of the day before in time out, I had a feeling they already didn’t think much of me.

Despite my best efforts, my left-handed one still came out rather shaky, and the rest of the numbers were no better, though still recognizable. I even felt a little proud of myself, at least until Ms. Shelly gushed, “Good job, Holly!” and clapped for me, getting the whole class to join in, as if it were a real achievement. I started to head back to my seat, only to feel Ms. Shelly’s hand close around my wrist, pulling me back. She smiled at me for a moment before asking, just slightly quieter, “Before you sit, do you need a change?”

I was too dumbfounded to reply, hardly able to believe what she’d done, right in front of everyone. I was sure I could hear the other kids chattering about it behind me, even before she took my silence as an opportunity to lift my skirt and slip a finger into the leg of my saggy diaper. If I hadn’t been so shocked, I probably would have been crying by the time she turned me around to face the class again, but as it was, my face was just a deep, dark red.

“Class, I told you yesterday Holly here was special. Who remembers that?” They all did, of course. I wanted nothing more than to go back to my seat – other than, perhaps, to get out of there and go back to my real life – but she stood behind me, her hands firmly holding me in place by my shoulders. “Well, little Holly here is what’s known as incontinent. Do any of you know what that means?” They didn’t, though my cheeks started burning even hotter as I squirmed, waiting for her to reveal the definition. “It’s a pretty big word, isn’t it? Susie, your little sister is incontinent, too. Does that help?”

Susie perked up at being mentioned, then began to chew her bottom lip as she thought about the question. “She sleeps a lot?” she ventured a guess.

“That’s a good try – babies do that, too! But that’s not quite it. Does anyone else know?” When they didn’t, and she felt like she’d drained every bit of tension she could from the situation, she continued. “It means she isn’t potty trained yet. So she has to wear diapers, because she hasn’t learned to use the potty like you guys. But it isn’t her fault, so I don’t want anyone to tease her about it. You can help me keep an eye on her, though… She just can’t tell when she has to go potty, and her diapers can only hold so much, so if it looks like she’s leaking, make sure to tell me, okay?”

I wanted to die as they all nodded. I had a whole classroom full of toddlers, barely out of diapers themselves, babysitting me, and I couldn’t even deny that I needed it, even if that wasn’t my fault. I could hardly find my voice to squeak out, “Th-Thank you for looking out for me,” when Ms. Shelly urged me to. Mere days ago, I’d been in charge of bringing a mall back to life – now I wasn’t even in charge of keeping my pants dry.

“Well, it turns out Holly needs a change right now, so I’m going to take care of that while the rest of you line up for a potty break.” She took my hand and led me to the bathroom, unlocking the door and watching me stumble inside numbly.

“You are an evil little bitch,” I hissed at her once the door was closed, hot tears stinging the corners of my eyes. “How dare you?!”

“I’m just teaching my kids,” she claimed innocently, scooping me up and putting me on the changing table, quickly strapping me down before her voice turned hard. “And don’t you ever speak to me like that again. I will wash your mouth out with soap, little lady, and then I’ll tell your nanny about it, and I bet you she’ll do the same. That is, if she doesn’t spank your red little bottom instead, because she clearly has no problem doing that.” I blushed as she pulled open the tapes of my diaper, giving her an ample, unimpeded glimpse of the evidence of just that. “Or maybe she’ll do both. I’d sure be curious to find out. What about you?” I shook my head quickly. “Too bad,” she sighed, starting to clean me up.

It was only when she got out my next diaper that I was able to think past the humiliation of my situation to the opportunity I had. I’d expected a spectacle when I asked to be allowed into the bathroom, but here it was. “Umm… Ms. Shelly?” I asked meekly. “Can I… umm… go to the bathroom?”

“Oh, I think you already did,” Ms. Shelly teased, switching out my used diaper for the fresh one and holding the old one up. “Yeah, you did just fine at that without my permission, didn’t you?”

My face flushed a little darker as I saw how much I’d saturated the diaper since getting to the school. Clearly there was a reason my nanny had filled my diaper bag to the brim with diapers, though I was sure it would be nearly as bad if they didn’t force me to drink so much. But I guess that was the point.

In all honesty, without the diaper pulled up around me, I couldn’t. I had no idea if she was telling the truth or just needling me. That thought rekindled my anger with my nanny, though I had to force that back down as she began to pull the diaper up between my legs, where, I noted unhappily, it was indeed a little damp already. “No, please!” I wailed.

“What?” She held the diaper up against my belly, but didn’t start to tape it yet as she looked down at me. “What is it, Laura?”

Her use of my real name made it all the harder to admit it, but I knew the alternative would be much worse. “I… uh… I hafta… I don’t just need to pee,” I finally managed to blurt out.

“Oh, so that’s what you mean,” she said, in a tone that made it clear she’d known full well all the time what I’d been talking about. “Why don’t you ask me properly?”

“Can I please go to the bathroom, Ms. Shelly?” I asked.

“Nope,” she shook her head, making my stomach fall for a moment before she clarified with, “I’ll give you two more chances to get it right.”

I bit my bottom lip, staring up at her, trying to decipher what she was looking for. Specificity, maybe? She’d wanted it a moment ago. “Please… I hafta go poopy… Can I use the bathroom?”

She shook her head again. “Try it one more time, Laura.”

I took a shaky breath, working through it in my mind. Clearly, she wanted me to be as babyish as possible. What else could I say? “I hafta go poopy, please, can I go potty?”

I felt supremely silly, hearing those words come out of my mouth, but for a moment I thought it was all worth it as she said, “Sure.” Then it all came crashing down as I heard her pull free the tape, tugging the diaper tight around me and planting it right in the center of the front panel, rubbing it into the plastic to make sure it stuck. “You can go potty in your diapers, little Laura, because that’s the only bathroom you have now. I might have let you use the potty if you’d apologized for saying such a mean thing about me, and if you’d known that the word you should have been using was ‘may’, not ‘can’. I shouldn’t have expected a little baby like you to know that, but surely even you should know you have to say sorry.”

“I’m sorry!” I squeaked, feeling her rubbing the other tapes closed, sealing me into my fate. The idea of actually using my diaper for that was enough to make me feel a little queasy – wetting them was bad enough, even when I’d had control over it – but knowing she was making me do so for something so simple just made it worse. “I’m really sorry!”

“I’m sure you are now,” she said, finishing with the last tape and starting to unstrap me, “but you already used your three chances. Now you’d better pray you keep from making a stinky diaper until your nanny comes to pick you up, little Laura, because that’s the only chance you have of not having to go in your pants. And if you do it here, I’m going to tell her all about how I saw you squirming and asked over and over if you needed to go, but you just kept telling me no. Almost like that’s what you wanted. And you know she’ll believe me over a lying little brat like you.”

“You wouldn’t!” I gasped. “That’s not fair!”

“Just keep your diaper clean and you won’t have to find out,” she told me, lifting me into a sitting position on the changing table as she got the bottle of pills out and shook out another four, handing me only one as she filled a cup of water. “Now take your medicine.”

As soon as I woke up, the nanny’s hand shaking me gently to consciousness, I knew something was wrong. Normally, it could easily have been the fuzzy, unpleasant feeling in my head, or the equally unpleasant full sensation in my tummy, but this time it was something more alarming, and more obvious. As soon as I moved, I wrinkled my nose as I felt it, drowsily reaching towards my crotch to try to get rid of it, forgetting the mittens on my hands, attached to the sleeper around the rest of my body. That helplessness only made me more unhappy, as I stared down at myself, wriggling about, each action only reminding me more that the diaper I’d gone to bed in, the huge, thick thing that had been only a little damp the last thing I remembered, was now soaked.

“Time to wake up, little one,” the nanny said, smiling calmly at me even as I stared up at her in a panic. “We don’t want you to be late.”

I watched helplessly as her hand moved down my body, pressing against the bulge of my diapers with a squish before I could think of a way to stop her. “Oh, my,” she said, pressing again. “I think we’d better get you changed first, huh?”

I blushed, unable to answer as she lifted me out of bed, unzipping my sleeper and pulling it off of me, giving both of us a full view of my diapers, very clearly well-used, sagging heavily inside my plastic pants, nearly threatening to pull those off my hips.

“What have you been drinking?” she teased, leading me into the bathroom as I blushed profusely. She didn’t bother with a bath, simply finishing the job of disrobing me and putting me under the shower, though she still took care of scrubbing me clean. When she was satisfied, she ordered me to, “Stay here,” vanishing for just a moment before returning with a thick, disposable diaper in her hands. After her threats the night before, I’d known it was coming, but it still made my head hang, and nearly brought tears to my eyes.

She dried me off and got me diapered up, then took me downstairs. The diaper was nowhere near as thick as my nighttime ones were, luckily, so I was able to walk down normally, while she carried my used ones with her, dropping them off in the laundry room while I tagged along. Something still felt off, somehow, and toddling around in nothing more than a diaper left me feeling especially vulnerable, so, even if it was she who’d put me in this position, she was still the most comforting presence around. Also, the only one.

“Aww, I know you’re hungry, sweetie,” the nanny cooed at me as she turned around and saw me there. “Run along to the dining room and I’ll bring you your breakfast.”

I shook my head without thinking about it. “I’m not hungry… I don’t feel so good…”

“Are you telling me no?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. I was quick to shake my head. “I didn’t think so. Now, there’s no need to be nervous, Holly – you’ve already been to school, so you have friends there waiting for you today! It shouldn’t be nearly as scary, now, should it?”

I stared at her blankly, wanting to cry again at the mention of school. I had a feeling, after seeing her and Ms. Shelly talk the night before, that it was nursery school I’d be going to. Not that high school would be much better.

“Go to the dining room,” she told me one more time, turning me around and patting the back of my diaper to propel me that way. Obediently, I trudged to the table and sat myself down. I didn’t have long to wait before my breakfast was brought out, just as big as the day before. I sighed and went to work, not even making it through all the melon before feeling full.

“I’m not hungry,” I tried, but she only glared at me from over her own food. I managed to force the rest of the food down, but had to stop at the bowl of oatmeal, the smell of it almost enough to make me gag. “I’m really full,” I whined.

“Holly, you have a choice,” she said. “You can eat that on your own, and finish it in the next ten minutes so I can get you ready for school, or I can feed it to you. I don’t think you want that, now do you? Especially because if you do that, you’re going to be going over my knee again before school for not being a good little girl. Now, what is it going to be, young lady?”

I squirmed under her gaze, feeling every inch a naughty, disobedient little girl. I certainly didn’t need another spanking, so I forced myself to say, “I’ll eat it,” and then to pick up the spoon and start doing just that. I ate it until I was stuffed, washing it down with her strangely gritty orange juice, feeling like doing nothing more than going right back to bed when I was done, sure I could barely move after all that.

The nanny stood up, holding out her hand for me and ordering, “Come on.” Miserably, I pushed my chair away from the table and hopped down, toddling over to her and taking her hand as my diaper drooped between my legs. We got a few steps toward my room before that struck me as odd, and I started to wriggle my bottom. I bit my bottom lip, sure I had to be imagining things, but one quick look down proved otherwise, as I saw a smudge across the wetness indicator on my diaper.

I was wet, again. And I had absolutely no memory of having done it. I felt like crying, or throwing up, or just laughing. I’d insisted time and time again I wasn’t a little girl, and now that I was being treated like one, apparently my body was following suit, losing control. But that wasn’t how things worked. Just wearing diapers couldn’t make you incontinent… Could it? Certainly not after one day, and not even a full one at that.

And yet, there I was, following the nanny, slowing down as I concentrated on paying attention to what was going on in my pants, nearly gasping as I realized I’d not only wet myself – I was still doing so. I tried my best to stop the trickle that was dripping its way into the already soggy padding, but my body refused to respond. I felt terrified, and so incredibly alone. The only person I could turn to for help was the nanny, and she’d probably just say that this proved that I was a baby after all, and should stay in diapers.

I was trying hard not to cry as she positioned me in front of the closet in my room, dressing me in a denim jumper with a pink shirt beneath it and a pink, fringed vest over it, a little gold star on the chest, finishing the outfit off with a pink cowboy hat and a pair of pink boots. And then, as if that wasn’t enough to make me feel like a toddler, she got out a pink diaper bag and started to fill it, putting in an extra outfit and plucking diaper after diaper from a bag of them on the floor of my closet. I felt a bit queasy as I watched the bag’s side puff out, showing just how much confidence she had in my potty training. And with good reason, I thought bitterly.

Certainly, a grown woman wouldn’t be standing where I was, wetting herself without warning or control. Not someone in charge of re-opening a long closed mall, bringing a little life back to this community. Someone with a car, an apartment, a life, even if it was a rather sparse one, outside of work and the play, wouldn’t be dressed like a cowgirl, watching her diaper bag being gotten ready so she could be taken to nursery school. And surely someone who had all of that, and deserved it, couldn’t be reduced to this in less than a day and a half.

“You really don’t look so good,” the nanny said, glancing down at me as she set the diaper bag on my bed. She pressed her hand against my forehead, then, satisfied, lifted the skirt of my dress and patted the crotch of my diaper. I blushed, sure she was going to be shocked at how quickly I’d used it again, that she’d remind me of everything that was already going through my mind, which would only make me feel worse, and more deserving of this humiliating fate. Instead, she mused, “Well, it feel like the catheter’s working just fine. And you shouldn’t need a change yet – they can take care of that at school. Does your tummy hurt, sweetie?”

I couldn’t even answer. I just stared at her in shock, wondering if I’d somehow misheard her. A catheter? She’d put a catheter in me?! It was comforting to know it wasn’t my fault I was peeing all over the place, but at the same time, I was livid at the intrusion, the violation, of what she’d done. I glared up at her in disbelief and fury, hands curling into fists that I was too cowardly to try to use.

“Oh, did you just notice?” she asked, smiling slightly, bemused at my anger, which just made it flare up all the more. “I told you, little one – you’re going to stay in those diapers, and you’re going to use them. Whether you like it or not.”

“How dare you?!” I shouted, stomping one cowgirl-booted foot on the floor. “You have no right! You take it out of me right now!”

“It’s not as easy as that,” she said, still calm. “And I think you’d better cool yourself off, young lady. I’m sure Ms. Shelly won’t mind you coming in late after I explain to her, and the rest of the class, that you needed a spanking and a time out.”

Still fuming, but quiet about it, I followed her out to the care sulkily, letting her buckle me in and drive me to the nursery school, a long, silent drive that I spent most of fidgeting, feeling my diaper grow incrementally wetter beneath me. Even without the full diaper bag beside me, and knowing where I was being driven to, that alone would have made me feel quite babyish. There was a part of me that tried to look on the bright side, that at the very least this meant I couldn’t be blamed for using my diaper, since I had no choice any more, but somehow that really didn’t do much to help my state of mind, seeing as that meant I now really needed my diapers.

It also didn’t help that my stomach still felt quite bloated and full beneath my jumper, giving me one more reason to feel miserable as the nanny’s car bumped along the road to Mt. Pleasant. I did feel much less silly when the nanny insisted on walking me inside than I had when she’d walked me into high school, though, and it was nice not to have to tote my own diaper bag through the halls, as I’d been expecting to have to do.

I was the first student there, and the grin on Ms. Shelly’s face when she saw me told me this wasn’t an accident. “Why don’t you color me another picture, Holly?” she said, leading me to one of the tables and giving me another page to work on as she and the nanny spoke at her desk. At first, I only half paid attention to my coloring, glancing up at them, watching as the nanny rifled through my diaper bag, talking with Ms. Shelly, presumably about the contents, straining to hear what they were saying. I eventually gave up, however – I wasn’t catching anything useful, and even if I had been, it hardly mattered. That was a conversation for grown-ups, not me. It was about me, but that didn’t mean I had any say in it, that it mattered what I thought. All of that was completely out of the equation.

I glanced up silently as they finished, and my nanny walked over to me. I expected a goodbye, but instead she reached down, pushing up the skirt of my jumper and checking my diaper, then wordlessly holding out her hand. Meekly, I stood, toddling next to her to the bathroom, which Ms. Shelly unlocked the door to, then followed us in with the diaper bag. It was a fairly small bathroom, with a low toilet and sink, obviously for the benefit of the kids – and not me, I thought with a pout – and a changing table set into one wall. The nanny pulled it down, then started to lift me up onto it before stepping aside.

“Why don’t you see if you can get her up onto it comfortably?” she suggested. “You can always use the changing pad if not, of course.”

“Oh, no problem,” Ms. Shelly smiled smugly, stepping up and lifting me easily onto the plastic changing table, using the straps to trap me in place.

“Good,” the nanny said, setting my bag on the counter and getting out some supplies. I watched them, squirming what little I could, cheeks turning redder as I realized neither was leaving, that I was not only going to get my diaper changed, but I was going to have an audience. The nanny pushed up my jumper, then untaped the wet diaper. “Like I said, it’s very much the same as changing any other baby,” she told her, getting out a baby wipe and cleaning me with it, leaving me shivering at the chilly touch. “You just have to be very quick about getting her new diaper under her, so she doesn’t leak.”

“Like a real baby,” Ms. Shelly nodded, “rather than a toddler.” She grinned at me, letting me know she’d made the distinction for my benefit more than her own.

“Exactly!” the nanny told her, rapidly pulling away the old diaper and slipping the new one beneath me, letting Ms. Shelly dispose of the used one as she deftly applied powders and creams, then taped me into the fresh garment. “And make sure it’s good and tight,” she instructed, patting the front of my diaper.

“Of course,” Ms. Shelly smiled, undoing the straps and lifting me down, adjusting my skirt. “You’re right, it should be no problem. I’m just not used to babies quite this big.”

“It’s quite all right,” the nanny said. “And remember you can call me if you need any help, or if she misbehaves too much. But I don’t think that will be a problem, will it?” She gave me a pointed look, and I shook my head. “Good girl.” She bent down and kissed the top of my head. “Have a good day at school, sweetie.”

I nodded numbly, watching her go, a few drops of urine already dripping their way into my diaper. I felt utterly and completely like I belonged in this little classroom, in nursery school, enough that, as I felt tears welling up in my eyes, I wasn’t sure if it was me mourning my adult life, so far gone now, or me being scared at being left all alone by my nanny, like any other little kid.

“All right, we might as well get this done now, too,” Ms. Shelly said, breaking me out of my thoughts as she dug through my diaper bag, pulling out a small pill bottle. She unscrewed the top and poured out four of them, setting them on the counter as she got a paper cup and filled it with water. “Here you go,” she handed one of the pills to me.

I stared at it, and then her, for a moment, before letting her know, “I can take more than one at a time.” I wasn’t sure what they were, but I knew there was no point in resisting them, especially since my nanny was probably still in the parking lot, so Ms. Shelly could just call her and get her back in a few minutes to make me do it, perhaps with yet another spanking.

“I don’t want you to choke,” she said. “Now put it in your mouth.”

I sighed and did as I was told, taking each pill one at a time, a full cup of water to wash down each under Ms. Shelly’s watchful eye, ensuring my bladder would have plenty of material to pour into my diaper, whenever it wanted. I had a feeling that was the whole point.

“What a good girl you are, Laura,” Ms. Shelly praised me as she took the cup, grinning as she saw my surprised expression, still unused to being called my real name, and getting such a pointed reminder that I wasn’t supposed to be here. “You’re just the perfect little baby, aren’t you?” she asked, patting me on the head before ushering me back out to the classroom and my table so I could finish my coloring, too embarrassed to answer her one way or the other.