A bit of a twist on: “When you’re mental, you really find out who your friends are.”

Today? Jesus H. Christ! A blessing, really. And the “H” can be any ugly, disgusting word you wish to think of on your own. I don’t care.

I don’t care. And considering a friendship has just blown up today, the fact I don’t care? That’s a very good thing for me. Normally I’d be be curled up in a ball, bawling for ages from either my PTSD, an Aspie meltdown or both! WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!?!?!?!?

Okay. I care. I do have feelings. They’re just not running that deep here?

I met this woman in February. Great! A new friend? Clearly she has some psych issues of her own per the title up there. Or if it’s not clear, she does. So what? I do too.

Bipolar I. An addict. Maybe more things Dr. PA could diagnose her with now!

I saw Red Flags from the start, but maybe only flying at half mast? Three quarter? Well, alright. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Especially when I first meet them! I don’t even know them!

Oy. Needy, selfish, temperamental, even prone to rages, an artist who doesn’t give a shit she’s on the wrong meds, let alone taking them at all. One of those, “…they take away my creativity…” types. Fine. Go ahead and pay the price for your cycling and don’t listen to me. You need to get sorted with your meds and take them!

Can’t tell a person something they don’t want to hear. *shrugs*

However, she also had a very sweet, caring, supportive (in opposition to her non-supportive) side. She was fiercely loyal and extremely generous. The first night we met, she gave me about 10 CDs as pressies to take home! And more pressies came over time. She always wanted to feed me because of my health–and did if I was hungry. And did if I was NOT!

Problems and minor conflicts would occur but we both agreed that things shouldn’t get out of hand. Just explain. Okay. Got it. Understood. Thanks for clearing that up. At times I became frustrated, but it was tricky because all of her positive qualities would sort of counterbalance things. What’s a PA to do? *shrugs*

She had this MAJOR issue with HER BOUNDARIES as well. Fine. Dealt with. Today? MY BOUNDARIES.

For only the second time in my life, “The Decision.”

Do I give this person, and this friendship, one more chance? I knew that was what I had to do even though my mind kept going over and over it. I also think in the back of my mind, one more chance wouldn’t mean shit. It would only be a matter of time before I’d have to pull the plug. Why?

Sending some txts as I’m sick with this stupid pneumonia. We had plans to get together some time this week. I was just talking about some things in her life and mine and sort of the world at large. Out of the blue she tells me to fuck off and I’m being Passive-aggressive. Uh, wha…?

Online communication can misunderstood so easily. So I start explaining what I meant. I was in NO WAY being Passive-aggressive! Then I get interrupted saying, she’s cool, but sick. So talk later in the week. How many times have I heard that before? Many. Avoiding issues by saying she’s sick.

I was also wondering if I was hearing something else. The sound of my chain getting yanked. Nonetheless, irrelevant. It all came down to that statement.

Never in my life, in the most toxic and abusive friendships, any relationship, has someone actually told me to, “Fuck off.” Other garbage like Passive-aggressive? Whatever. It was also such a goddamn lightning bolt due to communication prior! Sure, get upset but THAT is going completely overboard!

I told her she had crossed MY BOUNDARIES and we were going to have a serious talk. How did I know this was going to happen?

Immediate response to my email: “We cannot be friends anymore.”

*pregnant pause for you to take this in and ponder it for a while*

I wasn’t simply going to let her off the hook with that! Are you kidding? I gave a bit of a bitch slap back with two fingers. Then ended my email by taking a climb up the high road, saying it was a pleasure to meet her and I really enjoyed the time we spent together.

Something must have tweaked in the nice half of her brain. We had both already said take care and all of that, but she thanked me for getting her through a lot of hard stuff. Nice to be recognized for something. I told her that she was welcome and I was happy to do it.

THE END. *shakes head*

Like this:

Wow! I knew someone just like her. But in my case, she went away from me but came back in the end of last year, I guess. Weeks ago, she sent me a message saying she would like to hang out someday. I don’t have “brain enough” to think about it now.

Hi Morbid Insanity. I know. Dr. PA can now see huge billboards, painted in huge rainbow letters, almost screaming BPD!!!

NOTE TO BPD FOLKS: Make NO mistake here. I am NOT saying you are as insane as she is! I never would never draw comparisons to anyone who has the same mental illnesses and/or disorders!!! We are all different!!!

Continuing…

So, check this out. She emailed me TODAY!!! One day after this all happened!!! She offered to be friends by simply sending one or two emails a month. Was that okay for me?

I wasn’t going to respond (fuel to the fire for more attention) but I did. Bitch slap with three fingers. Where I addressed a few things–as politely as possible–but now a three finger bitch slap instead of two.

I am obviously using more fingers now out of necessity. *shakes head with huge eyeroll coupled with madness*

One goddamn, inane, fucking delusion she has, is I require more attention or what the hell ever than she can give me.

We haven’t actually been in contact except maybe the tiniest bit in a month or so.

I told her that it had been quite some time since we’d been in contact and I was just fine. In fact, I was enjoying the freedom from it. BWAH-HAH-HAH!!!

It’s the truth though! Really!

If I get another one? Please, no.

She pulled the plug and now it’s morphed into this completely, twisted situation: I somehow dumped my girlfriend (romantic–which she was not!) Now that girlfriend is desperately trying to get back together with me!

I’ve been in that place and the dumbfuck ex-girlfriend has needed a hammer to the head! Get out of my life!!!

However, I am not cruel. I do see the pathos in all of this. I’ve fucked up in relationships (but not like THIS!) been needy and tried desperately to get back what’s been lost.

The “difficulty correlation” I find, is the length of the relationship. To me, that’s only logical. The longer you get to know someone…well, you’ve connected more deeply so it feels like you’re taking a part a YOU away.

Gee, that’s another correlation, perhaps? To a word they call “mourning?” And another is “grief?”

If it’s someone I’ve only known for a really brief time, I have less of a problem telling them to hit the road. However, I’ll still be civil if we continue to cross paths!

Signed,
PA Who Holds Manners and Respect to Epic Heights–and if she screws up, she apologizes right away!!!