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Sex Tips: Five of the Worst Ones I've Ever Heard

My dears, it's such fun to gossip about sex tips here on Smitten. And since we try to share a flirty hooking up hint with you daily, I’ve heard a good number of awesomely hot moves. But then, there are quite a few horrible, insanely bad ones that don’t make the cut. I’m thrilled to share the best of the worst with you.

These sex tips border on ridiculous. I’ve heard these from well-meaning friends, industry experts and more. Have a look and have a laugh.

Oh, potassium, what a turn on!

“When eating phallic foods like bananas or hot dogs, do so seductively. It will make your man think of blow jobs.” Whenever someone does this, it just comes off as jokey. If your man is turned on by the sight of you deep throating produce, please share in the comments.

“During intimate moments, lick each other’s arm pits.” Um, no gross. I don’t want a mouth full of Degree. Or long, man armpit hair. And speaking of armpit hair, sometimes (like whenever I’m not wearing a tank top) I forget to shave. Subjecting my man to my prickly pits does not sound sexy or polite.

“Try 69 standing up. He stands upright and you’re upside down. He holds on to your legs and you either hold on to his ankles or balance yourself in a handstand.” Head injury waiting to happen? I despise super complicated sex tips that require feats of acrobatic flexibility. If smooching each other’s nether regions simultaneously sounds fun, why not lie on the bed and get comfortable while doing it?!

“Sucking on your partner’s toes will turn them on.” I’m calling balderdash on this nonsense for two reasons. Reason the first: lots of people are super ticklish on their toes, including me. I don’t want to accidentally kick my partner in the face while he’s trying to arouse me. And secondly, toes include toe nails. Unless you two give each other pedicures before this toe tonguing goes down, someone’s getting toenail jam all up in their grill.

“Have the guy lift you up, wrap your legs around his waist and then have him hold on to you while you have sex.” This sounds like way too much of a balancing act. And it only works if your man is super buff, much bigger than you or a former porn star. Instead, try leaning against a wall while he thrusts. Or, sit up on a counter top.

Do you ladies agree that these are pretty wretched? Or maybe you’ve tried a few and they tickled your fancy? What’s the most ridiculous sex tip you’ve ever heard?