Posted With Apologies

I know, I know — we are supposed to be more sophisticated and mature than this. But this is hilarious. If you are easily offended, please skip this post.

Okay, you were warned. Here is the news report:

Police stopped Jose Cruz on Route 60 in South Charleston Monday night for driving with his headlights off.

Then, he failed sobriety tests and was arrested.

When police were trying to get fingerprints, police say Cruz moved closer to the officer and passed gas on him. The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was very strong.

Cruz is now charged with battery on a police officer, as well as DUI and obstruction

The criminal complaint verbatim:

During processing [Patrolman] Cook was taking the defendant’s fingerprints while Ptlm. Parsons was typing data into the intoximeters 5000 machine. Ptlm. Parsons was in a chair approx 4-5 feet away from the fingerprinting station. The defendant scooted the 4 feet to Ptlm Parsons, away from Ptlm. Cook, and lifted his leg and passed gas loudly on Ptlm. Parsons. The defendant then fanned the air with his hand in front of his rear onto Ptlm. Parsons. The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Ptlm. Parsons.

Joe, She also chose (many times) to NOT pull my finger, which knowingly eliminates her involvement and control as to when the said event occurs. By forfeiting her right to be involved in the timing of the activity, she knowingly and willingly subjects herself to the event occurring at a random time. If I happen to be next to her when a random event occurs, chalk it up to chance and probability, right? Yeah, we’ve got a solid defense when this goes to court.

bucky. were I your daddy, and I am, I would have told you not to be a lawyer; because though a check may clear, your conscience won’t. Just like the air around the cop’s nose, it will stink for ages. Don’t start giving me some kind of slappage, save your lame caps for some Bear fans, because you don’t want to get in a Smack-off with PackSmack. Now turn off the cartoons and go to bed.