The Shakiest Q in the South

“I’m the master of distractions. A couple of hand gestures and BAM! I’ll pull the underwear clean off your butt.”
― The Prophet Silas Robertson

Cliffs Notes Version:

Lebben posted. No kids. Whip told an awkward story. Q self-smoked.

Full Blast for those so inclined:

Eleven at Kevlar this morning. No high-schoolers this week, a departure from recent trends. It was a good thing too, as Orange Whip started us out of the gate with a PG-13 story about his Uber Ride back from Raleigh with Roxxxanne that lasted way too long. The Q itself was more of a R-Rated endeavor, mostly for the excessive gore and violence in watching me self-smoke about 30 mins into the workout.

Here’s what I can remember:

Warmup lap with COP at the Church South entrance.

4 corners around the church, 4 laps with exercises at the doors. Squats, LBC, Merkins, and Peoples Choice. Start with 20 reps and drop by 5 each lap. Move out one parking lot lane each time to make the laps longer.

Hill Repeats. 5/10/15 reps with 3 trips each of diamonds, lunges, heels to heaven, a couple I forget. Closer with 3/6/9 burpees.

Mary back at launch point. I puked in my mouth but it went down ok.

Coat of Human Skin:

Who is the rotten scoundrel that invented the green peppermint? Someone should pay for this crime. Ranks right up there with fire ants, bow ties, and road cyclists in my book. While I’m at it, the new MacGyver guy doesn’t have a mullet. He is basically a walking green peppermint.

Anyway . . . it’s been a while since I have regularly attended any sort of workout. I spent most of April sick or lame in one way or another and I’m not the fitness machine that I once was. I think there is a Toby Keith song chorus somewhere here. The workout today for more of a “see how long you can hang on to this chain” event for me. Unfortunately the chain was attached to a dog collar and I ended up sharing the same fate as Dinky courtesy of the Family Truckster in National Lampoons.

Bulldog, Orange Whip, and Rhapsody talked incessantly during the entire workout. This is generally a sign of great fatigue and physical stress. It’s a good thing the talking Busch was on Q at Joust, or we would have definitely needed plugs. I’d like to see how a trip to the dentist goes for those guys. You know, when the dental hygienist wants to have a lovely conversation with you while you have a mouth full of mirror sticks, pointy things, and bloody foam. I bet she comes out looking like a zombie.

Had some stomach issues running up into the workout. I should have probably stopped eating two of those Bojanglers per day after Lent, but habits die hard. Good thing I had on my shartwool base layer.

The workout itself was pretty hard, at least for me. I think a few guys even sweated . I know that Orange Whip and Rhapsody run around like Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson, but the rest of us have to work at these things.

I’m glad for the turnout. Given my recent absence, I expect that many have forgotten my name. I was expecting something like the Super Bowl Sunday evening worship service, but was pleasantly surprised to see some familiar faces. Given that watching me Q this thing was somewhat like YouTubing neti pot videos, I hope that they come back.