Horticultural Humor

Environmentally friendly jokes; these winners are suitable for sharing with gardeners of every age group. All are rated G for green (or maybe G for groan!).

Some of these are fresh from the garden; others are made of 100% recycled material.

Here you will find jokes about dirt, but no dirty jokes! Feel free to laugh out loud, moan, groan, or maybe make up better punch lines than we’ve come up with.

Every joke here is guaranteed to be more fun than falling off a ladder or getting a splinter stuck in the bottom of your big toe—read on!

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What is a gardener’s favorite card game? Spades, of course.

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Did you hear about the lightning bug who lost his tail in an accident? He was both sad and delighted!

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Sign posted in a vegetable garden—“Weed ‘em and reap!”

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Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ivan.

Ivan who?

Ivan urge to start a compost heap!

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Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Jamaica.

Jamaica who?

Jamaica your compost heap yet?

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DEFINITION: Horticulturist--a farmer who has moved to the city!

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Mother artichoke to daughter artichoke, "It's a cruel world, my dear. There are some out there who would only butter you up and peel away every layer of your being. When they get to your heart, they're through with you!"

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Sign posted by a pond--"Frog parking only; all others will be toad!"

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DEFINITION: Recycling--riding your bike again!

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Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Summer.

Summer who?

Summer these jokes are not so funny!

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Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Diesel.

Diesel who?

Diesel have to do 'til we get some better ones!

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