Back in London

Oh it’s strange. I’m back in the world i left. I no longer have my bedroom although I do have access to my flat. I’m lucky. I rented my room to a performer who needs a place in town. I set a rate that allows me to be happy and her to know she can afford it. It means I don’t have a bedroom for a bit, but it means that nobody is going to demand a refund when Pickle wees on their trousers. Naughty Pickle has been religiously weeing in the spare room since I left it.

Sometimes people talk about numbers regarding what human beings might want to pay to sleep in my spare room if my flat was an idea. I have no desire to live with human beings who pay that sort of money, and I can’t easily make that idea real. But it’s always important and humbling when I’m tempted to say I’m broke that I remember how well off my glorious parents left me when they died so soon. I can make a haven. Bring me the artists. The weirdos. The huddled maniacs. You have a place to lay your head.

I had my first real world experience today for far too long. I’ve been back in London town. My hair is long. My beard is wild. I can’t find my hat. London throngy people instinctively distrust me because I don’t care. There is no way I could sell you a ponzi scheme with this stickyup hair and haphazard beard. Or anything else. Aerial photographs. Roses. I couldn’t sell any of them.

I went to see my friend in his new office. He’s got a huge office space and it’s gobsmackingly expensive. He’s speculating to accumulate. It might all go horribly wrong, it will all go horribly right. There are lots of clean people working there, all of whom have that thing where their image is more important than their truth. I got introduced to them all and saw the truth of none of them. One of them heard me described as a “guru”. With all the will in the world I detest that label. But I respect my friend’s intention in using it. I’ve heard it misapplied before. It’s not a helpful idea, the idea of a thought leader. Nowadays, when the answer to every question is a few clicks away, it’s good to connect to people who dig deeper. But we are all capable of Buddhahood in our own lifetime – or inner peace or whatever we want to call it. If we start to appoint gurus, we do so at risk of forgetting that we are our own gurus.

I help him think outside of his usual patterns, as he does for himself, as does his remarkable girlfriend for him. And he does the same for me, a free spirit in an office environment chasing an equally limitless ambition…

It’s good to be back in town. It’s been busy today. I can’t stop doing even if I should be resting. I had a good meeting with my brother, and came to the conclusion that I needn’t rush everything as much as I’m tempted to. As I say it’s odd being back. Many of my Camino friends are still on the trail. I miss them. I miss the certainty of the path. I’m off to sleep.