We had lunch today at Two Lights Lobster Shack near Portland, Maine. We had clam chowder and lobster rolls. This was absolutely the worst lobster roll I’ve ever had—and I’ve had plenty. This was the first lobster roll that actually was worse than having nothing at all. There were three major flaws with it.

First, the bun had been toasted a little, right… but not with butter. With canola oil. Yuck! Canola oil, to me, has this bitter and very unpleasant during and aftertaste.

Second, the lobster meat itself was practically tasteless. I’m not sure how they managed to remove the flavor from lobster, but they did. It’s like they soaked it in water or something to remove any suggestion that it had ever been anywhere near an actual lobster. Maybe they’re using whitefish instead of lobster? Soy protein?

Third, there was a huge dollop of mayonnaise just plopped atop the lobster, with paprika sprinkled onto it. I was able to remove much of the mayo, but it still permeated the lobster. A tiny bit of mayo is okay—but it has to be blended so that it just barely coats the lobster. Better, however, would have been no mayo at all and butter to dip it into. I’m guessing that whoever decided on canola oil simultaneously banned butter.

So, if you want to pay $16 for 3 ounces of lobster meat that has been pooped on by two tablespoons of mayonnaise, and tastes like a canola-mayo sandwich with no lobster flavor at all, then Two Lights Lobster Shack is just the place for you.

Next time, we’ll go back to Red’s Eats or one of the hundreds of other places that know how to make lobster rolls. Two Lights was too disappointing.

How was the chowder? Karen liked hers. Mine had way too many potatoes (and in huge pieces, rather than small cubes), and perhaps the meat of two clams in about 6 ounces of milk. It tasted okay, but wasn’t nearly clammy enough.

The scenery & location, however, are top notch. No way Two Lights Lobster Shack can mess up the rocky Maine coast, I guess. Well… maybe. I suppose they could dump canola oil into it.