Did you ever really buy the whole package the Church sold?

I can remember always falling asleep during sunday school and the sermon. I never really ever cared that much about what the preacher was talking about, and really just wanted to get the hell out of there. Even when I got into the youth group age I was never impressed with what was going on. Tell the truth, I spent most of the time checking out the girls in the group, thinking about having sex with them.

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I definitely believed in it, but once I was 13 I think it was because I was afraid not to. Questions always popped up in my mind that I had to dismiss (like, if God is the same "today, tomorrow and always", then why did he change his mind about the PROMISE he made to the Jews... KNOWING they would screw up ahead of time... then BREAK HIS PROMISE by sending Jesus and basically disowning his "chosen"? WTF? God shouldn't have to amend his previous Covenant if he were Constant and Perfect).

But yeah, whose mind didn't wander during church? It was especially awful if the preacher had a monotone voice and rambled on endlessly. I was busy having adventures in my head until, one day, the End of the World sermon got to me and scared me into salvation.

I was afraid of god until I was around 10. Once I turned 10, I didn't really care what god thought of me because I felt like he was a bad god for letting terrible things happen. About a year later, I learned about Darwin and natural selection and realized that god wasn't real.

I am a music lover as well, and like you, that was the one of the only things that kept me sane. My Grandpa is the music leader at his church, and my dad was always in the choir, so I guess that is where my love for music came from.

Our church was so small that the guys I normally would have had crushes on felt like family... a bit too small perhaps. I went forward and was baptized while attending the Southern Baptist church. I took the sermons and Sunday school pretty seriously. I looked forward to Sunday nights when we got to request hymns - my dad was the music leader, my mom or sister played the piano. Wednesday night bible study - mixed review - depended on who was teaching what - but I loved studying the Bible - and loved the food and games that followed. I'm afraid to say I DID buy the whole package - hook, line and sinker. I think it helps that our family eventually left the Southern Baptist church and moved onto a different Baptist denomination - so my memories of the Southern Baptist are distinct and fond/traumatic.

I still have a hard time breaking free of the things that I was taught to believe were wrong. I have been in the same relationship with the same amazing person for five years...and we still have issues with intimacy because of the way I was raised. It's sad, and I'm working on it...but I sometimes think that it will take going to a therapist to undo the damage done to my head because of the church. I wholeheartedly believed in every bit of it. It was the main building block of my identity until I was in my mid twenties. It's amazing how much can change in a few years time...

I never bought the whole package and still don't. There are too many questions and not enough answers. What I have learned from the SBC is that they demand (especially today) absolute adherence to doctrinal statements that are not absolute. No one is allowed to ask questions about it, and if you do, you are labeled a trouble maker and swiftly "dealt with." The SBC prides itself on being the largest protestant denomination in the world, yet they are puzzled and panicking over the fact that their numbers are dropping. They're response to the problem of dropping membership is to become more hard-lined in their stance and fight a "culture war" that doesn't exist. The reason for a drop in membership (as it is throughout all western nations and denominations) is do to the fact that many people cannot and do not trust the institution of the church as a whole - theist or atheist - and such people's suspicions of the church are well founded. Anyone who accepts the whole package, nicely gift-wrapped in the emperor's clothes of simplicity, is blind. Sorry for the rabbit trail.

I did buy it. I even went on mission trips and was a junior staffer at a church camp. I always led prayer in youth group and volunteered every summer at VBS. It wasn't until I was 19 that I actually started questioning things. Then I just realized that none of it made sense and that religion basically does nothing but give people an excuse to make their pointless lives have meaning while, at the same time, allowing them to judge others for simply thinking differently. Once I started questioning religion, I felt like a horrible person and was terrified. However, once I accepted atheism, I realized that there was no point in being terrified of a God that doesn't exist. Southern Baptist churches are really good at trying to force that God-fearing nature into your brain. I'm just glad I found reason and logic. Now I just regret helping to indoctrinate all those children during my years as a Christian. I honestly feel that the way the church indoctrinates children is harmful and wrong.