User:Shabidoo/hubble

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Think about an old radio you have, the one with the extendable antena. The one you and your dad used to listen to moan-porn on when porn was still legal. It sure is neat how one section of the antena extends out of anoter section and so on until the antena is five meters in the air recieving talk show programs from Uganda. Or, better yet, cries for help from Uganda. Imagine something simmilar in space, only fifteen kilomteters long with a small glass lense at the end which lets man see very important things that are so far away your brain would freeze (like windows does) if you even dreamed about traveling that far. This is the Hubble Space Telescope, something your grandpa used to read about in pulp science fiction magazines.

The hubble space telescope feeds us important information about the most important galaxies in the known Universe helping important people test their important theories about important equations that help humanity solve probles such as hunger, nipple cancer and dorito hands that stain your jeans if you forgot to lick the cheese powder off of them. The hubble space telescope can focus all the way to the centre of a black hole or catch the image of an alien lying on the beach on an alien planet. You can even count how many alien fingers they have. Yes, hubble is that bodacious. It defies any other inteligible word.

The hubble telescope is a joint project funded jointly by the USA, the EU, Japan and the autonomous region of Tibet. Whenever it takes another picture of an exploding sun stirring gas into new solar systems, a Japanese camera company gets a cut of the poster money. The USA designed, created, launched and implimented the telescope while the EU pays for long distance charges and Japan builds robots which polish the exterior and clean the lense. Never in all the days of the earth have so many diverse people joined together to stare at the sky. Tibetan monks meanwhile pray for the safety of the telescope and for the souls of any alien species that can be soon through its glass looking glass. The monks take sidebets on which star will explode next. Canada asks each year to join the party but their calls are unanswered and their technology is snubbed. Canadians are plenty smart, they can walk on snow without the assistance of a pole. They don't deserve such harsh treatment, however there can only be one Hubble telescope and someone has to be left out.

The telescope is modified usually every two years by adding an extention to the end of the telescope. It's like attaching large powerful clothes hangers to the bow of a battleship with eyesight. Each section is made out of a super strong polymer made of steel alloys, space dust and liquified rainbows. The interior is filled with sea water and lots of springs and wheels and clogs that move in perfect unison. Each extension added increases the scope of the Universe that can be viewed through the telescope however at the cost of definition. The current telescope can see things mega far away, however the images appear somewhat flat, like your vision in the morning with all the green sticky stuff in your eyelashes. The latest extention to the telescope was one kilometer long and took a few astronoughts one year to attach. The entire contents of a Chilean zinc mine was used to coat the exterior and the entire volume of the Indian Ocean was used to fill the inside with sea water. An unexpected bonus is that the clown fish and octopuses that came with the Indian Ocean seem to magnify the optical projections for reasons that are still not clear. This is only expected to last for a few more months as the cancerous sun rays that pass through the telescope are slowly giving the Clown Fish rather severe forms of cancer that attack their skin, eyes and lungs. Octopuses however, cannot get cancer and will die after their only food source (cancer filled clown fish) dissapear.