already exists as an alternate
of this question.

exists and is an alternate of .

Abuse is quite polymorphic, in that, it can assume many different forms depending on the circumstances, the cultural background, the history, and ofcourse, the individual quirks of the abuser. The bottom line in an abusive relationship is that the abuser says things that make the victim uncomfortable, confused, routinely unhappy, sad, and, most importantly, that lower the victim's self-esteem. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, cliched as it may sound. If a guy loves you, you are more beautiful to him than Cameron Diaz or Catherine Zeta Jones. And if he is an abusive ass, he will humiliate you even if you look like either of them. Occassionally reminding you that you need to trim your tummy is part of the constructive criticism constituting a healthy relationship. Comparing you unfavourably with other women just means he is out to humiliate and insult you. Don't put up with it, honey. You are a very attractive woman, I am sure, and there are enough guys around to appreciate that.
Comparing you unfavorably to other women is a form of verbal abuse. It is meant to hurt you, to prevent intimacy, to exert control, to make your relationship unpredictable.

Abuse is about controlling the other person. What better way to control a woman than to chip away at her self-esteem by comparing her to other women. Some examples:

1. Almost every time you go to a movie together he tells you how stunning-beautiful-breathtaking he thinks one of the actresses is (this example doesn't mean an occasional mention of an actress, this is ongoing, repetitive behavior). When he talks about the celebrity, he will overembellish - she's not just "pretty" she's "gorgeous". The less you engage, the more he will try to get you to agree with him. If you finally mention that this talk makes you uncomfortable, he gets defensive or angry, but the behavior never changes. Or, he will make a joke about it and dismiss your feelings. Think about it - if he wanted you to feel special, he would be saying telling you how beautiful you are, not fixating on Julia Roberts or Halle Berry.

2. When you are in a public place or at a restaurant together, he is frequently and easily distracted by attractive women. If you are talking he will break eye contact to look at the other woman. Sometimes he will actually turn his neck to watch her walk away. If you comment on his behavior, he will tell you that it's "nothing," or that "all men look at other women," or that you look at other men, even if you never or seldom act this way, or he will get annoyed with you for catching him at his "game".

3. He asks you to cut your hair like a certain actress or celebrity. This is usually someone that he has referenced before in other conversation. Instead of accepting you as you are, he is trying to change you. To see how ridiculous this is, imagine yourself telling him to color his hair like Brad Pitt's or style it like Nicholas Cage.

Another sign of this type of abuse is that if you bring up his abusive behaviors, he will tell you that you are being too sensitive - in other words he twists it around so that it's your problem, not his. If he truly loved and respected you, he would change the behavior.

Answer Women are a very difficult concept to understand, i say that being one myself, but it is true. A woman that return to an abusive husband are not easily able to l…et go. Its hard to leave a loved one that may have cheated on you, and same goes for a loved one hitting/beating you. Love can be bad and it can be good. We, as women cannot control the type of men we love, and me sometimes make the wrong choices, and sometimes we don't even realize it until its almost too late, however, we love them so we tell ourselves that they may change eventually, and keep making up excuses for them that way you don't seem to tell yourself that its them that is the problem or has the problem. Its hard to let someone go after so so much love and so much time and effort put into the relationship that you may look over it, because of the love you have for them. Love-Kristin D. Don't believe in codependent I think the codependent thing is a myth, at least for most women. I got sucked in to a relationship with an N as a financially secure, independent woman. He was absolutely charming at first! It took some time for the abuse to begin, but it was executed bit by bit until there were more bad times than good. It happened gradually. Hey, the last thing a woman needs to hear is that this stuff is somehow her fault, like she asked for it or something. All women are not suckers, sorry.

Answer Hi there I apologize to you and didn't realize this was about you. Good for you! You made absolutely the right decision! My bet is… this guy was an abuser. Only abusers hunt down their prey so they can have control over them to do their biding. Why on earth would you date someone you love just to change them? Think about that one. You're one smart girl and you did the right thing! I am so proud of you because that means you are independent and a very strong young woman. I always went by rule of thumb ... when I realized that I didn't need a man in my life that's when I knew I was independent and had real inner strength. From then on my relationships seemed like a piece of cake and then I met my wonderful husband and we've been married for 34 years. Good luck hon Marcy Yes it is. Many people don't mean too, but the human race is really a piece of work. We fall in love with that person, then sometimes, when we get to know them better we try to change them. I did the same thing when younger, but since I've gotten older I realize all the things I saw in my husband (even when we dated) haven't really changed and my slight annoyances re him are only because we know each other so well and we can get on each other's nerves which means we need some space for a bit. I believe most couples go through this. Remember, you aren't perfect and certainly must have annoying habits and he apparently loves you and puts up with it, so lay off the poor guy. You should be proud of him and none of us are 100% perfect .... not even you! Marcy * Marcy... i posted this FAQ, coz in my case, its my (ex) partner who was constantly trying to change me, and it didnt feel nice at all, so i ended it... In fact he said he entered the relationship thinking that he could "change" me to suit his needs...

Marcy M

60,142 Contributions

I love people and enjoy helping others. I have a great thirst for knowledge and always strive to expand my mind and thus my life.

* First off not all men are abusive. Those that are have had the problem for a very long while. They are chameleons and when you meet them you would never guess that t…hey have an abusive nature until you fall in love and start seeing more of them and then the signs gradually creep up in a sneaky way. Even chameleons have to change their colors every so often and can't constantly fake it. Women are considered the weaker sex, but really aren't. Yes, men are stronger, but women can stand up to most men if she is independent in herself and not afraid to walk out that door or refuse to take any sort of abuse. There are more self defence classes for women out there than gyms. However, this does not make the abused women in our society weak or frail. In fact, they are heroes in their own right simply because they survive the best they can. Women are romantics, while some men can take full advantage of this and use the woman, or abusive men can catch these types of women in their web of insecurities and violence. None of us know when we first meet someone and if they are abusive until we are totally involved. Many women will leave their abusive mate, but some stay out of fear, sometimes because of the brain-washing the abuser has accomplished with her, or the fear of losing any children she may have with her abuser (they will often use the children against the woman to gain more control.) The bottom line is, men and women have total control of their own lives and we can all form the words "no" and move on. * The cycle of violence. An abuser in the beginning of the courtship appears nice, fun and like he really "gets you". You feel good around him. He makes you feel "chosen" and "special". Little does the victim know is that the abuser has to work pretty hard at this stage to hide his true colors. If he was too show the woman his true colors this early on, most women would dump him as there is little emotional connection. Then the abuser feels comfortable. He feels you are hooked in enough to begin his destruction. It will start off small. Such as comments meant to confuse, destabilize or insult. He may do this in a way that keeps her guessing such as "did he really mean what he said to be rude?". As time goes on, you will notice one day he gets very mad and/or very withdrawn. When you ask him about it, you are blamed. He may take some blame but he may also slip into the conversation that you are also at fault. He may become jealous and paranoid you are going to leave. He may follow you without you knowing it. He may argue with you on the phone and begin the silent treatment. He may start to make you feel like yo are nothing. Insulting your friends, clothes, religion, employment, recreational activities. He then will go from lashing out to being very nice. He is afraid you may finally say to hell with this and leave. Therefore hes gotta provide that hook. He turns nice again. Often like the man you first met. You get hope back. You think maybe he realises what he has and will change. He doesn't. Before long he returns to his former behaviour. He cannot change as his thought processes are still the same THROUGHOUT the entire cycle. Eventually the victim may start to pull away. She may consider leaving him. he can sense this. The abuser can detect a victim in this stage. He may become needy like a lost puppy. He knows deep down she has the strength to leave him and it terrifies him. He will be very nice then mean. He doesn't know how to handle her threatening departure and independence. He feels he better act quickly to put her in her place. He may cheat and rub her face in it to let her know other women want him. He may aim to tear her down emotionally. He may beat her. The victim often goes through rage, sorrow, and fear until she finally reaches the lost hope stage. Once she has reached lost hope, she realises that no matter what she does she cannot change him. Often this is a light bulb moment. The pain of staying is worse than leaving although the longing and sorrow may still be there. Finally comes the day when the victim leaves. They may better themselves and work on their inner and outer self after being systematically worn down. Often they have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Victims are strong and can heal quicker than they see possible. It is when they are no longer in grief and their self esteem begins to rise that the abuser loses his control. In fact the abuser rapidly loses control once the victim leaves.

Because they want to have sex and then they leave them pregnant and then go to their next victim. Men do this because they want sex to leave women pregnant and leave them all …happy. This happens to 95% to these women and 5% get hit by their husband.

It is not that men abuse woman, not all men abuse woman, and there are woman who abuse men. It is a person who abuses another person. And that means that the abuser has …a problem whether it be that he was abused as a child, or abused in another relationship, or that he is just a very angry person. You should not be with a person who abuses you under any circumstances. It could lead to something alot worse. He has a problem and should get help and you should not be with him until you are sure that he is cured. Being abused will make you miserable and you will never be able to forgive your abuser. Get out of the situation before it gets worse and leads to something that will completely change you as a person or cause you a harm that you can not come back from.

I think a man putting there hands on a women is sickening. No man should touch a women in any harmful way. They are cowards if they do. Men today that abuse women a…re the ones that are dealing with issues with themselves. They hit a women to feel more powerful and incontol. They could have anger issues, jealousy issues or have past family abuse. A man that hits or even comes close to touching a women needs help. They need professional help. If you are a women with an abusive man, please get out as soon as possible. It will only get worse if you stay and allow it. Talk to someone about it. No-one deserves abuse in there life, its not and should not be allowed ever! Please seek help if your a victim of any domestic situation.

Because most males think that children and especially women are weaker than them. Some men do tend to abuse females and children, just because they like hurting people and t…hink that women are weaker Women and men should be observed as equal and not lower than eachother. They probably got beaten by bullies or a family member when they were kids or something so now they're trying to prove a point.

It is not abuse its discipline when a woman hits a man, but when a man hits a woman its considered abuse. The above answer is not correct, anyone who hits, attacks, harms, h…urts, gives physical or emotional pain to another person is infact abusing that person.

Power over them! the men believe that they need to be the most powerful in the relationship. Even if it means hurting the one that he loves! Some were in abusive homes as chil…dren (maybe father beat mother) and the man grew up believing that that was what happened in a normal family!

In most cases, no. - They are embarassed by it. - They fear for their lives so want to make sure they don't say a word about it. - It's not a comfortable conversation to have… with someone. However, some women do to get it off their chests'; all depends on their personality..

No. Sounds as if you have been informed by some misapprehension of evolutionary theory put about by feminists and those committing the naturalistic fallacy. Both sexes have va…lid and varied reproductive strategies and to a gene it matters little what sex it resides in. There is sexual dimorphism in our species and men can abuse women, but this is a proximate phenomenon that does not have much to do with the ultimate evolutionary goal of men and women; to reproduce. A man who abuses women probably leaves fewer descendants on average and risks much from the relatives of the woman. Some cultures, though, seem to have something else to say and do on this issue.