Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Well hey there. Welcome everyone. Sit yourselves down while I give the weather and traffic report for today. Don't mind the cats.

The weather in Boogertown, North Carolina is 68 degrees today, mostly cloudy with a chance of rain. The traffic on the 405 is bumper to bumper, so you have plenty of time to practice the art of picking your nose stealthfully in public. Cause you know even in your car others can see you doing it. Yeah I'm talking to you grandpa. I saw you last night in the other lane digging for gold while we were sitting at a light. Yeah I was the lady who was dry heaving in the next car over.

In the news today, a British woman suffered a migraine so severe, she was hospitalized. When she woke up in the hospital, she started speaking with a Chinese accent. Her new accent has made her voice unrecognizable to her friends and family. She has been diagnosed with Foreign Accent Syndrome, which is rare. Apparently it damages the part of your brain that controls speech and word configuration. She is currently being treated by a Speech Therapist.

Dude, I need to figure out how to give myself Foreign Accent Syndrome. That would be so cool if I could speak with a British, Irish, Scottish, Aussie or South African accent. Yep, any of those would be bloody awesome. My luck and I'd end up with an Appalachian accent. My apologies to any of you who are Appalachian. Oh who am I kidding, they can't read. WHAT?! *gasp* You guys are so mean! You shouldn't have made me say that. It's not nice.

In celebrity news, Charlie Sheen's wife has moved out of their house after he was caught by PopRocksies coming out of the residence of a call girl.

Source: yeeeah.com

Guess the wife didn't buy his story about wearing a fake mustache to mess with the PopRocksies, and that he has been seeing this call girl in a purely humanitarian way, by supporting her in her attempts to stay clean.

Ok... say it with me folks... DOUCHEBAG.

Speaking of Douchebags, a Michael Jackson impersonator has been charged with molesting an 11 year old boy as well as multiple counts of sexual misconduct with children.

I'm thinking he's taking this impersonation job a little too seriously. Well Mr. FakerMichael, I hear the inmates love child molesters. I hope you're in there for a very very long time forever.

And now, let's discuss some things you shouldn't do in public when people are looking, or especially when they are taking pictures of you. I already touched on the nose crunchies. Here's one, I'm still reminding my boys daily to stop doing. Boys, GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR PANTS! You too Zac Efron.

That's what I call creatiful, and putting yer edumacation to work, so you ain't got to. One question though... Where's the bathroom?

And that's all the time I have for today. I have a date with a fox in a box, and a mouse in a house. I think they're supposed to serve me breakfast on a train. *shrugs* Oh one more thing before I go...

Dr. Seuss was a fake name that the author started using after he was busted for drinking in college.