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Adoption

Hey so I want to adopt a child. It's something I've always wanted to do. I have many reasons, but the biggest one is that I simply can't justify bringing another life into the world when so many kids out there don't have a home or family. Nothing against people who do have their own kids, plenty of my friends have and I couldn't be happier for them, but adoption seems the right choice for me personally.

Anyway, having just recently bought a house, the next step for my partner and I is to begin this very long and very expensive process. I would love to hear if anyone has any experience on this topic, like maybe you were adopted, or know someone who adopted a child?

Re: Adoption

I actually want to adopt for the same reasons as you, I don't want to bring more life into this world (especially since it's overpopulated) and I want to help children that need it, not to mention that I can't have babies with @Miind or @Ranshiin . :'c Anyways I think it's an amazing thing you're doing, I wish more people would adopt children instead of getting pregnant.

Re: Adoption

Well they did say the best gift for a woman is to get pregnant(have a child..) and all that,
but I see what you mean by adopting, I mean either way your making your dream of having a family and also giving the dream of family to a child by adopting him/her

mmmm, don't know anyone who's adopted but I did know my old friends used to be in foster homes, they seemed kinda happy from my view xD

The third eye of love♥Koishi Komeiji♥Closed eyes of love Let us seek that side. (´･ω･`)ﾉｺﾝﾁｬ!

Re: Adoption

I want my own child but that probably wont happen.

I'm already 20 and I still weigh 75lbs (roughly 34kg for the rest of the world) with a less than standard heart function so having my own kid and surviving is probably out of the question plus there's a 50% chance the child will have the same genetic disorders I have so I have to heavily factor in if I want to take that risk or not.

I don't know, if I get to that stage in my life with my bf then that's when we'll see what our options are professionally.

I've adopted a hedgehog already and I'm currently growing my very own strawberry plant. Right now a plant and a hedgehog are my kids and that's all I need to focus on.

Re: Adoption

I am looking forward to starting a family and having my own children in the future. I probly wont adopt, but instead have my own child. I think adoption is great though! I think it's a cruel world for many of those kids to not know a parents love. Good luck to you and your family!

Re: Adoption

I think adopting and having your own child(ren) are both wonderful. I prefer to have my own child because I know really, it would be a part of my husband and I. But also to adopt a child would give them an opportunity in their life to have the best in their life, I think the feeling that they're wanted at least. I think the con of it is explaining them that they're adopted and knowing it's not your biological child, and the con of having your own child is the risks of delivery for mother and child.

Re: Adoption

Originally Posted by Seung-li

I think adopting and having your own child(ren) are both wonderful. I prefer to have my own child because I know really, it would be a part of my husband and I. But also to adopt a child would give them an opportunity in their life to have the best in their life, I think the feeling that they're wanted at least. I think the con of it is explaining them that they're adopted and knowing it's not your biological child, and the con of having your own child is the risks of delivery for mother and child.

I don't see telling them they're adopted as a con. They will most likely be from another race, so it will be obvious anyway, but I plan to be very open with them about it and I'm sure the child will be so grateful to have a family that they won't care whether it's biological or not. And I certainly don't care if they grew inside me or someone else cos I will still be their mother regardless.

Re: Adoption

Originally Posted by Jasanime

I don't see telling them they're adopted as a con. They will most likely be from another race, so it will be obvious anyway.

How do you know this?? There are mistreated and abused children of all races, even our own... My best friend was a mistreated foster care child who could've had a better upbringing but didn't.. I don't know, it's not children of other races that need our help. It's children of all (including our own) that need it too.

Re: Adoption

Originally Posted by blueangel06661

How do you know this?? There are mistreated and abused children of all races, even our own... My best friend was a mistreated foster care child who could've had a better upbringing but didn't.. I don't know, it's not children of other races that need our help. It's children of all (including our own) that need it too.

Re: Adoption

Originally Posted by blueangel06661

How do you know this?? There are mistreated and abused children of all races, even our own... My best friend was a mistreated foster care child who could've had a better upbringing but didn't.. I don't know, it's not children of other races that need our help. It's children of all (including our own) that need it too.

Well I can't speak for other countries, but here in Australia, orphans have it a lot better than in some other countries. Also, the Australian government makes it EXTREMELY difficult to adopt from overseas, and they only way this will ever change is if more people do it. I agree there are children of all races that need help, but in some poorer countries the situation is a lot worse. In Australia they could end up in a bad foster home, but in India (for example) they could end up as a prostitute, a beggar, or married off at a young age to someone much older....

Re: Adoption

I want to have a biological child, and adopt a second one; my husband's pretty cool with that idea. c:

My mother and father were both adopted, and because of that, our bloodline was a mystery. I never knew my father so he was a mystery in general, but my mother just recently found her birth mother's family and now we know our heritage, medical history, etc. She didn't even know she was adopted until a year or so ago.

I would say to anyone who does adopt a child: be sure that this information is available to them. It's important. Especially the medical stuff.

Re: Adoption

It was just a blasted question not an arugment... Your post had absolutely NOTHING to do with the topic.. Why did you come in here if you didn't even post a single thing about adopting... You're the one starting crap your reply to my question was unnecessary but you just HAD to say something.

Well I can't speak for other countries, but here in Australia, orphans have it a lot better than in some other countries. Also, the Australian government makes it EXTREMELY difficult to adopt from overseas, and they only way this will ever change is if more people do it. I agree there are children of all races that need help, but in some poorer countries the situation is a lot worse. In Australia they could end up in a bad foster home, but in India (for example) they could end up as a prostitute, a beggar, or married off at a young age to someone much older....

In the U.S. they can be worse than any of those.. Have you seen the Parents of American kids in todays time? It's terrifying. But that is beside the point. What I was asking was, is how do you know that the child you ever adopt will 100% be of a different race and how do you know 100% that if Seung ever adopted, that the kid would be a different race hence the con of having to break it to the child be unnecessary since it'd be obvious. The point of the matter is, you dont. There are needy kids in other races but there are still just as needy kids in your own that you can adopt is what I'm trying to say.

Race really shouldn't be a factor in adopting. You should adopt based on what the kid needs and how well you two can communicate. It wouldn't be really nice if you turned down a kid of your own race because you "think" the african kid needs your help but in reality the kid of your own race needed the help the most. You just never know. It takes a LOT of research and dedication and studying to figure out all the ropes to adopting and what method works best for you..

Re: Adoption

Originally Posted by blueangel06661

How do you know this?? There are mistreated and abused children of all races, even our own... My best friend was a mistreated foster care child who could've had a better upbringing but didn't.. I don't know, it's not children of other races that need our help. It's children of all (including our own) that need it too.

I don't know why everybody is getting mad about this when they know it's ture ( god help me)

I want to have a biological child, and adopt a second one; my husband's pretty cool with that idea. c:

My mother and father were both adopted, and because of that, our bloodline was a mystery. I never knew my father so he was a mystery in general, but my mother just recently found her birth mother's family and now we know our heritage, medical history, etc. She didn't even know she was adopted until a year or so ago.

I would say to anyone who does adopt a child: be sure that this information is available to them. It's important. Especially the medical stuff.

I hope your daddy can find his real family . I'm thinking about doing the same thing.

Re: Adoption

Originally Posted by blueangel06661

How do you know this?? There are mistreated and abused children of all races, even our own... My best friend was a mistreated foster care child who could've had a better upbringing but didn't.. I don't know, it's not children of other races that need our help. It's children of all (including our own) that need it too.

You are absolutely right about that, but assuming the original poster maintains an open mind concerning nationality/ethnicity, then statistically, it is factually true that it's more likely (if the world was a village of 100 people over 60 of them would be Asian in ethnicity, etc.).

As I see it, nowhere is it stated that the original poster thinks that the child had to be "100% be of a different race", as you maintain, only that it was more "likely" that it would be so (which is factually true). So I don't think the original poster is ruling out anyone necessarily beforehand, as you say.

As for my personal experience, my host family in the U.S. had Caucasian parents who had adopted two Korean children, and they were really a wonderful family.

I had never had the chance to know a family like that, so (I'm a bit ashamed to say) I didn't quite know what the expect at first; but once I lived with them it was the most natural thing in the world. They quarreled over homework/chores or privileges, made up, and worried about each others problems like any other family; it was very apparent even to me that they trusted and loved each other very much.

That said, I'm sure there are certain difficulties regarding the process that are not apparent from an outsider's perspective, so I definitely recommend reaching out and speaking to people who have actually been there.

Last edited by Datenshi; 03-26-2012 at 09:29 PM.

"If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron."

Re: Adoption

Originally Posted by blueangel06661

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In the U.S. they can be worse than any of those.. Have you seen the Parents of American kids in todays time? It's terrifying. But that is beside the point. What I was asking was, is how do you know that the child you ever adopt will 100% be of a different race and how do you know 100% that if Seung ever adopted, that the kid would be a different race hence the con of having to break it to the child be unnecessary since it'd be obvious. The point of the matter is, you dont. There are needy kids in other races but there are still just as needy kids in your own that you can adopt is what I'm trying to say.

Race really shouldn't be a factor in adopting. You should adopt based on what the kid needs and how well you two can communicate. It wouldn't be really nice if you turned down a kid of your own race because you "think" the african kid needs your help but in reality the kid of your own race needed the help the most. You just never know. It takes a LOT of research and dedication and studying to figure out all the ropes to adopting and what method works best for you..

Well firstly I said "most likely" from another race, not that I knew that for certain so please don't put words in my mouth. As for basing my choice on needs or communication, I honestly don't care. As far as I'm concerned ANY kid, anywhere who has no family of their own needs help as much as any other orphan, so I will not discriminate. Also, as I already said, I strongly disagree with the laws in Australia regarding adoption, so the more people that adopt from overseas, the more the government will see that there is a demand for it and perhaps one day rethink their policies.

If I lived in the US, it is likely I could adopt from overseas in about a year, however, in Australia it can take 8-10 years which is completely ridiculous. So it's not a race thing for me but more of a political statement.

Anyway I'm not here to argue. I've been researching about adoption for a couple of years now and already decided what is right for me.

Re: Adoption

For me, it would be great to have my own biological child, but I don't mind adopting children too, if I could. But for now, I don't have the thought of adopting children just yet. I don't even have a job, since I'm still studying, so I never thought about adopting and even giving birth just yet.

My sister was kinda adopted by my cousin, but I'd have to say that the experience wasn't that great. But now my sister's living with us. I think it takes a lot of commitment and care for us to adopt a child. My sister was loved when the couple had no child, but when the wife gave birth to their own child, my sister was treated badly. Treat both biological child and adopted child fairly. Otherwise it would leave emotional scars for the rest of their lives.

Re: Adoption

Originally Posted by plumpuff

I want to have a biological child, and adopt a second one; my husband's pretty cool with that idea. c:

My mother and father were both adopted, and because of that, our bloodline was a mystery. I never knew my father so he was a mystery in general, but my mother just recently found her birth mother's family and now we know our heritage, medical history, etc. She didn't even know she was adopted until a year or so ago.

I would say to anyone who does adopt a child: be sure that this information is available to them. It's important. Especially the medical stuff.

I agree with you, I want my old kid because I want some to carry on my legacy/family after I'm dead. Most likely the adopted kid is going to want to find he/she own parents and then I'll just be the parent who raised them. So If I do adopt a kid I wanna have my own kid as well.

Re: Adoption

Originally Posted by animegirl2365

I agree with you, I want my old kid because I want some to carry on my legacy/family after I'm dead. Most likely the adopted kid is going to want to find he/she own parents and then I'll just be the parent who raised them. So If I do adopt a kid I wanna have my own kid as well.

As for me, I really have no desire to get pregnant and have my own. Call me a sook, but it would hurt so much! Not to mention all the needles (I have a major phobia) and no alcohol for 9 months!! Plus I know it's shallow, but I don't want stretch marks. These are not my reasons for wanting to adopt, mind you. And there's always a chance I will change my mind one day and want to have my own child, but at this point in my life adopting seems more suited to me and my situation.

Re: Adoption

Originally Posted by Jasanime

\ As for basing my choice on needs or communication, I honestly don't care. As far as I'm concerned ANY kid, anywhere who has no family of their own needs help as much as any other orphan, so I will not discriminate.

Really? So you'd adopt a wild child that'll just destroy everything in your house and no matter what you'll never be able to discipline the child? Who will try to kill you numerous of times etc. It's really better to research on the child you pick and figure out how they'll fit into your lifestyle. You also have to factor in how many medical expenses will this child have? Does it have a severe birth defect or health problem that'll constantly land you and your family in the hospital? Will you even be able to pay for the medical bills? [trust me a trip to the hospital will not run under $3,000] can you afford to pay for the extra needs of the child with these problems? Otherwise you could blindly land yourself in a dept filled mess.

I'm just telling you how it is. Adoption isn't all cupcakes and rainbows. The children may not even appreciate the help you get, they probably will have mental issues you have to work with in "hopes" to change it, or will have medical issues, there are also average kids too. But you have to determine which is best for you and your life. If you do not have the patience and determination to "insane child-proof" your home then maybe a kid with a mental disorder isn't best for you. If you do not have money to shell out at least 20-30K a year [rough estimate, could be more or less] for doctor bills, a kid with an important health issue isn't for you.

Do you get what I'm saying? There are people that CAN pay for expensive medical bills and people who CAN deal with a delinquently disturbed child but at the same time there are people who cant. And right now you really need to factor in how much this kid is going to cost you. It's smarter to turn down a kid who has a running medical problem lets go with a heart problem for an example since I can speak from experience. You'll find yourself in the hospital no less than 5 times a year (that may seem like a low number but it's not) Each visit runs well into the thousands. You're going to need a biiiig wallet and amazing health insurance to be able to properly care for the kid. You're doing no service to a kid if you cannot fully pay to care for his/her needs.

You may not find any kids with a health or mental or any other issue that'll cost you more money/time but you just never know and do have to REALLY consider your financial situation if you do.

I'm not trying to steer you from adopting but I'm telling you the truth that you HAVE to factor in how a certain child will factor into your life. It's naive to not do so.

On the other hand while I was at one of my dr.'s appointments for my heart getting my ecocardiogram (which is like an EKG, or I guess an Ultrasound is a better comparison and that cost around $1,000 alone, and I get this done twice a year) and the lady had just adopted two girls. She was soooo sweet and happy about it. She was going on and on about them while I was laying on the table with my shirt off while she was monotering my heart functions. Showing me pictures and how they both were. She said the process took years but she finally got them. She seemed as happy as can be. But I'm sure she heavily researched the kids, the process, etc. etc.

Re: Adoption

@blueangel06661 , I appreciate your concern, but once a child is found that they think will match us, we get told as much info as possible about that child. This includes medical and psychological history and conditions. From there we can decide whether that child will be right for us or not, so of course we will take everything you mentioned into consideration because we are not stupid.

As for expenses, the adoption process alone will cost over $10,000 not including travel expenses. If money were a real issue for us, we wouldn't be considering adoption in the first place. Especially since the government would actually GIVE me money to have my own kid. Regardless of whether I'm 16 yrs old, or single or a heroin addict. But if I want to help some poor orphan, well THAT'S gonna cost me. Stupid, right?!

Re: Adoption

Originally Posted by Jasanime

As for me, I really have no desire to get pregnant and have my own. Call me a sook, but it would hurt so much! Not to mention all the needles (I have a major phobia) and no alcohol for 9 months!! Plus I know it's shallow, but I don't want stretch marks. These are not my reasons for wanting to adopt, mind you. And there's always a chance I will change my mind one day and want to have my own child, but at this point in my life adopting seems more suited to me and my situation.