About Me

Saturday, March 30, 2013

When
one of the colossal statues of Pharaoh topples over during a festival at the
temple of Ptah, it seems to be an unfortunate accident.When a second statue and a pylon also
collapse, one wonders if it is a sign from Ptah.But then priests start having their throats
slashed, and a more earthly cause seems more likely.

Khay
is both the high priest of Ptah and a son of the Pharaoh.It’s up to him to figure out the “Who” and “How”
of these incidents.His brother, the
Crown Prince Hori, soon arrives to help.Which means there are two more targets for whoever is behind all this.

What’s To Like...

The
setting – the Egyptian city of Memphis during the reign of Ramesses II – is superbly
done.It “felt” real to me, being
neither a dry information dump nor too vague and generic.

The mystery aspect of Pharaoh’s Son,
is passably decent.The “Who”
of the whodunit are easy to spot, although there’s one red herring to keep you
one your toes.The investigation is more
a matter of determining the “Why”.The motives
and actions of the bad guyshold together reasonably
well.But there are some loose ends –
such as telepathic messages and “beings of light” that ANAICT, were never
resolved.

There
is also a spiritual tinge to the story, and this is where things get
clunky.Gospel allusions get dropped
into the dialogue (forgiveness, the perils of materialism, reaping what one sows, etc.),
but none of it ever impacts the storyline.More importantly, it doesn’t jive with ancient Egyptian theology, not
even with Amenhotep IV’s monotheistic deity, Aten.More on this in a bit.

The
characters, especially the two protagonists, are well-developed.There are a poopload of them to follow.The author provides a cast of characters
section, but unfortunately, it comes after the end of the story.This may work in a “book book”, but not on a
Kindle, which are inherently formatted to open to the first page.It might be better to put the list just ahead
of page 1 in the Kindle version.

Excerpts...

Idefa’s
eyes were shining.“I’d gladly die for
Your Royal Highness!” he exclaimed.

The Crown Prince sat back and looked him over
in a puzzled fashion.“What is it about
me,” he wondered aloud, “that constantly compels those around me to seek
death?I don’t want anyone to die for
me: it depletes the ranks of my allies which are, alas, far too thin as it
stands.”(loc. 3258)“And then what do we do?” asked Idefa.

“Get out of here, of course,” said
Khay.“Didn’t you hear them?They mean to put me to the torture, and I don’t
intend to be here when they come back.”

Pharaoh’s Son sells for $2.99 at Amazon.Diana
Wilder has two other murder-mysteries set in roughly the same time and place, also
for $2.99,
but they do not appear to be sequels, as the protagonists are different.

“Amun's breath and bones!" (loc. 992)

Once upon a long time ago, there was a Finnish
writer named Mika Waltari.He wrote a
number of historical fiction novels, including one called The Egyptian., set in almost the exact same time
period Pharaoh’s Son.Waltari, like Ms. Wilder, paid major
attention to historical accuracy, and I ate up maybe a half dozen of his books
back in my salad days since I’ve always been a history buff.Unfortunately, Waltari was a devout
Christian, and he couldn’t help but let his spiritual views seep into his
stories.Which really detracted from otherwise
compelling stories.

I
don’t know what the author's religious views are; she is certainly not as
heavy-handed as Waltari was.But even
so, I think this genre of literature is better served without the spiritual
aspects, unless they are an intrinsic part of the mystery.And if theology is called for in the
plotline, at least make it consistent with the prevailing doctrines of the
setting.

But I pick at nits.Pharaoh’s Son is recommended for fans of
both Historical Fiction and Murder Mystery.The pacing is good, I really didn’t think there were any slow spots, and
the story wraps up nicely.7½ Stars.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Of
what use is a Royal Dragon-Slayer, if he refuses to kill the resident dragon?A fair question that King Ronald Dump poses
to said employee.But Sir Barth and
“Drag” are the best of friends, and blood, even if it is lizard’s blood, is thicker
than duty.

Drag and Barth are prepared to flee the kingdom over the matter.But then the local witch turns the kingdom’s
inhabitants into brainsss-craving zombies, and the walking dead converge upon King
Dump’s castle.Suddenly, Barth’s swordsmanship
seems like a valuable commodity.

What’s To Like...

Attack of the Fairytale Zombies! is a parody,
and manages to be bawdy without bring obscene.The language is …erm… earthy, and there are a
bunch of allusions to “adult situations”.But really, it’s nothing you wouldn’t hear in a junior high locker room.

My
two favorite characters are a cross-dressing dragon and an apprentice “good” witch.The rest, including our hero, are forgettably
stereotypical.There is a semblance of a
storyline (the
“attack of the fairytale zombies”), but it’s really nothing but a
string of clichés.The author is aware
of this; indeed, she uses the word clichéa
half-dozen times in the novel.Another favorite word
of hers : sigh.It shows up 25 times.

At
less than 200 pages, this is a short read, but it’s the right length for this sort of
parody.The gag lines do get repetitive,
but any book that has the cry “Brainsss!” and zombie pigs in it will keep me
turning the pages.

Excerpts...

She
screeched as she landed in Barth’s lap with a thud.“Oh, I’m sorry.”

When Barth looked into the witch’s wide,
violet eyes, he thought his heart would melt.Except, not all the way, because then his heart wouldn’t be able to pump
blood, and he’d die.It melted just
enough so the reader gets that Barth was instantly in love.(loc. 267)

“Whom did you slay?” the king groaned.

Barth tilted his head while tapping his
chin.“About a dozen knights, a few
hobbits and goblins, an evil step-sister, a wooden puppet, one or two
princesses, oh and Bill Murray.He wasn’t
a zombie yet, but I lopped off his head just for the hell of it.”

The king slapped his forehead.“I can’t believe you killed Bill Murray.”

Barth arched a brow.“Have you seen Garfield?”(loc. 631)

Kindle Details...

Attack of the Fairytale Zombies! sells for $0.99 at Amazon, which
seems to be the standard price for all of P.J. Jones’ books ATM.She is also a contributing author to the
anthologies put out by a group who call themselves The Eclective, and these are
very good and often free. Indeed, if you watch the various “free Kindle books” websites and/or Amazon,
you will sooner or later find a lot of Ms. Jones’ books free for limited time
periods.

“Why can Blahnik design shoes for filthy little hobbits but not for
cross-dressing dragons?” (loc. 53)

Attack of the
Fairytale Zombies!reminds me of a book from way back in the mid-90’s, Politically Correct Bedtime Stories.Both are spoofs, both rely on repetitive
punch lines, and neither makes any pretense of having any depth.One relies on sexual innuendo; the other on
PC-innuendo.

PCBS had a brief heyday – ISTR it made the NY Times
Best Seller list – but it had no staying power because, after you grew tired of
hearing the same witticisms over and over again (“womyn” instead of “women”),
all you had left was the fairy tale storyline.The same holds true here.When
the genitalia boner
motsget old, there’s not much else to latch on to.

AotFT! can
be summed up in two words : “tabasco-flavored cotton-candy”.Okay, maybe that’s four words.This is a spicy novel, but without any
substance.Still, there are times when
cotton-candy is just what one’s taste buds are craving, and I doubt P.J.
Joneshad any intention of writing
something complex or high-brow.7 Stars.Add another star if you remember PCBS, and thought it was hilarious.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Chicago’s
wizard-for-hire, Harry Dresden, has a dream job – providing magic protection
for the cast of a porn movie.The director
is convinced that someone wants to put him out of business by harming his cast
with “Evil Eye” spells.Sure, sure.

It
turns out, however, someone really is throwing life-threatening spells at the
actresses in the movie.Spells so
powerful, they’re beyond the scope of an ordinary caster.Who’s behind this and what is their
motive?Harry better find out because
the next lethal spell is aimed at him.

What’s To Like...

I
read Book 1 of this series way back in 2009.
Most of the main characters came back to me quickly here.A couple new ones have been added somewhere
along the way, and a couple new ones get added here, including a puppy.This is a standalone story, but the usual
maxim applies – you will get more out of the series if you read the books in
order.

The “porn movie” motif is a tease.There’s no squishing or slurping, and after the first third of the book,
it doesn’t figure into the story much.There is some cussing, and one naked body waiting to be sacrificed, but
that’s about it for R-rated stuff.

Jim
Butcher has a great writing style, and the whodunit aspect of the storyline is
done well.The horror is tempered by a
steady stream of humor.There is plenty
of action, and everything builds to a satisfying climax.

Excerpts...

“Christ, Dresden! You almost got me killed!”

“Don’t be a baby.You’re fine.”

Thomas frowned at me.“You at least could have told me!”

“I did
tell you.,” I said.“I told you at Mac’s
that I’d give you a ride home, but that I had to run an errand first.”

Thomas scowled.“An errand
is getting a tank of gas or picking up a carton of milk or something.It is not
getting chased by flying purple pyromaniac gorillas hurling incendiary poo.”(pg. 9 )I put the stupid mask on.“You might not know this, but I don’t function all that well as an
investigator when blinded.” That’s the idea,” the gunman drawled.The gun left my neck.“Try not to make me feel threatened,” he said
through a yawn.“I’m all spooked and
jittery.If you make any noise or start
to get up, I’ll probably twitch, and this trigger is pretty sensitive.My gun is pointed at your nose.The ensuing cause-and-effect chain could be
inconvenient for you.”

“Maybe next time you could just say ‘freeze,’”
I said.“No need to walk me through it
step by step.” (pg. 89)

“Be vewy vewy quiet.We’re
hunting vampires.”(pg.
305)

A
brief synopsis of the Dresden Files world.There are some fairies and demons and whatnot, but for the most part this is about
Vampires versus Wizards.The Vampire
Orders come in three Orders : white, red, and black.You really don’t want to mess with the Black
Order ones.The Wizards are members of
the White Council. The Vamps come in
varying shades of evil and the Wizards aren’t exactly pure good.

I
enjoyed Blood Rites, which was also true of the
other Dresden Files book I've read, reviewed here.I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to read another one in the
series.Presumably it’s a matter of “so many books, so little time”.In any event, two more are now on my TBR shelf.8½ Stars.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

16-year-old
Sophia “Soap” Lazarchek is has a flair for innovative science experiments.Unfortunately, they usually blow up or catch
fire, both at home and at science fairs.Which gets expensive for her dad, who has to pay for all the damages.

So
when something called the Mechanical Science Institute invites her to apply for
admission, it’s a golden opportunity for Soap to go off to college and focus on her projects, withiout sending her Dad to the poorhouse.Who cares
if she’s never heard of the place?Or
that it’s located in some godforsaken town called Bugswallow, Minnesota?Or that there may be an ulterior motive for the
offer?

What’s To Like...

The
chapters alternate between Soap and her cousin, Dean.Soap’s chapters are first-person POV; Dean’s
are third-person.This works reasonably
well, unless you develop a preference for one or the other protagonist.

This
is a YA novel.So there’s no nudity or
cussing; and the closest we come to sex is Sophia’s first-ever kiss, about
halfway through the book.There is one
somber death, but the rest of the violence is rather toned-down, sometimes with a
hint of comic relief woven in.

The book will encourage kids – especially girls – to consider science as
a career, and that’s always a plus.Mad Science Institute is
also a tribute to Nikola Tesla and his inventions, both theorized and realized.It’s fun to read about some neat gizmos
spawned by the discovery of an imaginary new element, christened Teslanium.

The storytelling is uneven.There
are ample plot twists, but they feel arbitrary and telegraphed.Soap’s roommate is a riot, especially her
“Conversation Matrix”.But the whole
college ambiance is underdeveloped, and there are some tangents (such as a brief
exchange about Mandarin Chinese) that don’t add anything to the
story.OTOH, Sechin Tower keeps the
story moving at a crisp pace, even allowing some science fantasy to enter into
the storyline.The characters aren’t
compelling; but neither are they boring.You’ll enjoy meeting Rusty and Choop.

The ending wraps the storyline up nicely, and points to this becoming a
series.The author adds an appendix to
discuss the various Tesla ideas he incorporated into the book.It is worth reading; among other things,
you’ll learn why the main MSI building is called Topsy House.

Excerpts...

Victor
shook his head.“People don’t last.People grow old and they die, and all their
brawn goes away.Only their knowledge
endures as it is handed down to others.Knowledge is the only thing that doesn’t ever have to die.”

“That’s a nifty argument,” Dean
snorted.“When we get out of here, we’ll
have a fifty yard dash and see which is better, brains or brawn.”(loc. 6638)

“I’m just in it for the money,” Brick
chuckled and took a menacing step forward.“Bought me a badass hog – which you wrecked.So now, I’m gonna wreck you.”

“I warn you: I’m pre-med,” Victor said,
stepping backwards.“I’ll be able to
name each and every bone you break.”(loc.
7815)

Kindle Details...

Mad Science Institute sells for $2.99 at Amazon.ANAICT, this is his only published book,
although I’m led to think he is working on a sequel to this.

“…every mad scientist creates a monster sooner or later.”
(loc. 3172)

There
are some technical lapses.The explosive
TNT
is identified as being tri-nitro tetroxide, when in fact it is tri-nitro toluene.Ouch.And a surge of lava flowing into a room only raises the temperature 10
degrees.Um, I think it’s gonna get a
lot hotter than that.

There
are some YFKM moments.A gang of nasty
bikers stage an all-out assault on a college building, yet this apparently is
no cause for alarm for the local police.Soap can be annoyingly stupid at time, such as when she gives away her
security code to the obvious baddie.I
wonder what harm could come of that?

I
don’t think these weaknesses will stop the target audience – YA’s – from
enjoying Mad Science Institute.But adults might not be as
entertained as their kids would be.7 Stars.Add another half-star if you’re a science geek,
and/or a full star if you’re a teenager.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

The
research submarine Polar Sentinel has
some neat features, including having its forward upper shell replaced with a
canopy of foot-thick, heavy-duty, clear plastic.So when it’s under the polar ice cap, the
personnel can actually see what’s in
the water ahead.

Like something called an ice island, sort of an inverted mountain of
ice.But this one has something
startling stuck in it – a WW2-era Russian submarine.And sonar shows even stranger images of the
inside of the ice island.Rooms and corridors,
and scattered within them, the forms of human bodies.Well, except for that one image blip.It’s still moving. Quite quickly, in fact.

What’s To Like...

Ice Hunt opens with three storylines – the Americans, the Russians, and an Alaskan
Fish & Game ranger out doing his job.The action in each line starts immediately.Their paths converge at the newly-discovered
ice station.Which just ratchets up the excitement
to another level.

The
tone of the book is a mix of the best elements of Tom Clancy, Michael Crichton,
and Clive Cussler.There’s a poopload of
plot twists, and telling the white-hats from the black-hats is a lot more
difficult than simply saying “Yankees good.Russkies bad”.Indeed,
the Russians have a knack for being every bit as resourceful as the Americans.Some of the good guys die; some of the bad
guys survive.

There’s
a Cast of Characters at the front of the book, and that helps
tremendously.There is some cussing, and
a smattering of all-too-obvious romance.But no sex, not even rubbing noses.It’s too cold, and it’s hard to cuddle when you’re being shot at, blown
up, or sniffed over by something contemplating you as its next meal.

The ending is good and all the loose ends are neatly resolved.This is a standalone book; it’s nice to red
something that doesn’t carry over to a sequel.

Excerpts...

Matt considered his options.They were few.He could escape on his own and leave Craig to
the gunmen.He wagered they were more
interested in silencing the reporter than him, and he had no doubt that he
could disappear into these woods on his own.But this was not a real option.

“What I wouldn’t give to study the boy …
maybe a sample of his blood.”

Matt sighed and closed his eyes.Scientists.They never lifted their noses from their
research to see who was affected.(pg.
444)

“Something’s alive in there…”(pg. 11)

There
are some quibbles.As usual, the
scientists are stereotyped.The heroes
are incredibly lucky, and there are a few YFKM moments, such as when a
submarine goes skeet shooting.That’s
the only way to describe it without giving a spoiler.

But this is par for the course for this genre.Everything has to be lightning-fast and visually
spectacular.And that’s better than
being slow and boring.8½ Stars.Cuz even though it felt like this was written
to be made into a movie (which hasn’t happened yet), it kept me
turning the pages.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Rab
Sinclair has a steady career in retail.Well, that’s nicespeak for stocking the shelves at the local grocery
store.It pays the bills, albeit barely,
and keeps him happily drinking beer and eating donner kebabs for supper.But his class reunion is coming up in a
couple of months, and compared to the bios some of his former classmates have
posted at Friends Reunited (especially his ex-GF Caroline), shelf-stocker
seems a bit underwhelming.

The time has come for a career change.But to what?Well, how about
something entrepreneurial?Find a need,
supply a product, make a profit.How
difficult can that be?.

What’s To Like...

The setting is Scotland, and the book gives
you a nice feel for the daily life of the common man there.Neal Sillars is Scottish by birth, and a lot
of the dialogue is in the mother tongue (“So A’ll be needin tae borrow ma da’s motor, if that’s
awright, Mam.”).Some may
find this tiresome, but I thought it added to the scene-setting.

The author has a lot of fun with various literary devices – the Fourth
Wall, flashbacks, a deus ex machina or
two, and the always-popular MacGuffin.This
is not a book for the kiddies – there is some cussing, and Rab turns to sex toys for his product
line. Ah, but the tartan dildo is a clever
marketing …um… device.

The
humor will not be to everyone’s taste, and Rab will not be everyone’s idea of a
hero.Both remind me of the “Flashman”
series, penned by George MacDonald Fraser, another Scottish writer.Personally, I am not a big Flashman fan, but
to each his own.

Excerpts...

“It’s
a Windsor knot you’re wanting there, Son.Look at the states of that knot!Who would ever say you were a son of mine?”

The look of disgust on his face appeared
genuine and I must confess that what he said did make me think, but I couldn’t
imagine my mum having ever been with anyone else but dad.(loc. 638)

We’re not big on cocktails in Lanarkshire
and I don’t think it’s just an issue of price.We have an unspoken macho code which limits many of the things men are
allowed to do.We don’t cry, we don’t
wear vests, we eat food which is so spicy that it is barely edible and we don’t
walk about holding hands with our girlfriends unless we have just started going
out, to name but a few of these unwritten rules.(loc. 3063)

Kindle Details...

If You Fly With The Crows sells for $2.99 at Amazon.Neal Sillars has several other books for sale
there, but ANAICT, none are of the humor genre.

“If ye fly wi the craws, ye’ll die wi the craws, Robert!”
(loc. 231)

IYFWTChas plenty of wit, insight, and musings.Unfortunately, these asides come via way too
many tangents, which simply overshadow the storyline.Rab’s business is an instant success, girls
can’t wait to hop into bed with him, and even when he’s trussed up and dangling
from a crane in Colombia, you know he’s
going to be okay, since he’s writing/telling the story to you.

All
this makes for very little literary tension, capped off by an ending that just
sort of winds down rather than building to a climax.6 Stars because, although it wasn’t a compelling
story, neither was it boring; and it’s refreshing to read a story about
Scotland that doesn’t sound like it’s straight out of National Geographic.Add two more stars
if you think that Flashman really is your kind of hero.