Appearance: She's one of the world's most photographed women! She's got an Oscar! Stick on a DVD if you really don't know.

We could be talking about some other Julia Roberts. We're not. You know, she's tall, gorgeous. She's got brown eyes and a mouth that could take a whole pizza. Now, for Christ's sake ask me why she's in the news.

OK: why's she blah bah blah? She's become a Hindu!

That can't be right. She's famous, so if she's converted to anything it must be Buddhism. Or possibly Scientology. Is she particularly quirky? She describes herself as "smart", and who'd know better?

So it's Buddhism. I can just see those chats with Richard Gere. "Do you remember those idiotic films we made in the 90s? . . . Do you think art is more important than money? . . . Shall we all have tea with the Dalai Lama?" It's sodding Hinduism! Roberts grew up a Christian, but jumped ship while filming Eat Pray Love.

A docudrama about the Last Supper? The story of a spiritual quest. Roberts read the book and declared: "It's what I'm giving all my girlfriends." She now goes to temple with her husband and three kids. "I'm definitely a practising Hindu," she told Elle.

OK, NOT a Buddhist. Hinduism's the one where everyone gets another go at life, isn't it? Perhaps as a furry animal? Reincarnation is part of the deal. Robert says she's been "so spoiled" in her present existence. "Next time I want to be just something quiet and supporting."

Like a tentpole? Has she dropped any other bombshells, the way actors occasionally do when they have films coming out? She doesn't like Botox. "I want my kids to know when I'm pissed, when I'm happy and when I'm confounded."

How refreshing to find a movie star who thinks there's more to life than looks. It must be. You do know she's the new face of Lancôme?