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Mapping his own path

Two different events, two long paths for our eldest son. One with a known destination; the other far from certain.

On Sunday I accompanied Isaac on a training walk with the Scouts. After the appalling weather we have endured over the past couple of weeks, it was a relief to set out under blue(ish) skies. We did have three random but brief hailstorms – sunshine and hail, could it be any more British? – but otherwise it was a lovely day for a walk.

He did brilliantly. A 15km ramble was a pleasant way to spend a Sunday. We had plenty of time both to chat and work on his map-reading skills. And he coped with the long walk well. He’ll have his Hiking badge in no time.

An offer he can’t refuse

Better still was to follow. Last September, Isaac sat the entrance exam for Reading School, a well-regarded boys’ grammar school. Every year they receive ten times as many applications as they have places; it’s highly competitive and selective. I know several people who paid for as much a year’s worth of tutoring to prepare their sons for the exam.

In truth, we weren’t originally going to put him through this process. In the end, we only decided to submit his application at the very last minute. Which meant Isaac had just a couple of months of doing practice papers as preparation.

He’s a smart kid, though. He easily beat the pass mark, so we knew he was in with a strong chance of receiving an offer. But when March 1st rolled around, the first email we received – on the stroke of midnight – told us he hadn’t been offered a place but would be put on the waiting list.

When we broke the news to him in the morning, he hid it well but I knew he was disappointed. He’s a lot like me in that respect. He puts on a practised air of indifference to protect himself from the pain of disappointment. Behind the mask though, the competitive fire burns brightly.

Nonetheless, he was really in a no-lose situation. Our local catchment school has a fantastic reputation: strong academically, lots of different activities. Plus it’s where most of his local friends will be going.

Anyhow, I had just arrived in the office later that morning when Heather forwarded another email to me. This one confirmed his position on the waiting list – number one out of 89! Essentially, this meant an offer would be a formality.

It’s possible I may have punched the air at this point. From dejection to elation in a matter of hours. The best of all worlds – it meant Isaac would be able to choose between two great schools.

And so, earlier this week, we received official confirmation that he has been offered a place. He was over the moon.

We’ve always been keen for him to give Reading a try but we’ve also been careful not to influence him too much. And we’ve been clear it is ultimately his choice. It’s a decision which will map out his path for the next seven years of his life, so of course he should have a big say in it.

As it was, his choice was immediate. He will be going to Reading next year. (I told you he wanted it, really.) It means a tiring commute and it will stretch him academically but he’s up for the challenge.

I’m so proud of him. Not just because he did so well in the exam. But the way he has handled such a major life decision with care, level-headedness and maturity has been really impressive.

I think he’s going to love it. And, if he doesn’t, he can always revert back to our local school and never have to wonder “what if?” Being who he is, I know he will give it 100%. We don’t yet know where this path will lead and the journey is, figuratively, a lot further than a 15km Sunday stroll. But I look forward to accompanying him along the way and negotiating any hailstorms that come along.

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Congratulations to Issac getting into Reading. My son went there and he is now a highly successful Mathematician doing a PhD in Pure Maths at MIT. When you go there for parents’ evenings, you can really feel the ancestry of the place, even though I suspect a lot of modernisation has happened since Robin left.

I understand it has been modernised a lot in recent years. Very impressed that your son is at MIT – what a fantastic place that must be to work/study at! One of my friends from school ended up doing something similar but he was a genuine maths and science prodigy so that wasn’t a huge surprise.

Awww I am so chuffed he was offered a place, that is fantastic news and many congratulations to him… and all of you! 🙂 plus… a 15k ramble sounds awesome, glad the weather held off somewhat! Sim x #PoCoLo

We’ve been told that round here most kids start tutoring in year 4 if they’re doing the 11+. Our village is right on the edge of Warwickshire grammar area (although we’re in Oxon). I think the farm might just be in too. N did amazingly in his SATs but I don’t think he’s grammar school caliber. He’s not a striver and i think he’d get swamped by others even if he did pass the exam and get a place. So i don’t think he’ll sit it unless he has a total change of heart himself next year. Its a shame because we missed out where we lived as kids because there’s no grammars in Oxfordshire.

Year 4? My, that’s a long slog. I’m not sure we would have asked Isaac to do that – it’s so much to ask of any youngster to hot-house them for so long. It will be interesting to see what happens with his brother, who is just as capable but less driven. He’s Year 4 at the moment and while I think he has the ability, he is less motivated and has some more obvious gaps. He would need more than just a single summer – but I fear that engaging him too early would just cause him to switch off. Plus it might not ultimately be the right environment for him anyway, whereas with Isaac it was a no-brainer.

The trouble is, Emma, there aren’t good alternative secondary schools from the grammars, especially for boys. It’s either Reading School or a private school like Blue Coats (if you can afford it) if you want your son to have a good education in Reading. That’s why I was so thankful my son got in.

There’s a lot to think about, isn’t there? Do they have the potential? Is it worth the considerable investment of effort and stress to put them through it? Even if they get in, is it an environment which will enable them to really tap into their potential? For Isaac it’s an obvious fit – for Toby, who’s two years behind, just as able but much less driven, it’s a much greyer choice. We shall see!

Ha, definitely a bit much! If he does end up travelling under his own steam, which hopefully he won’thave to do every day, it’s basically a 30-minute walk to the station at our end and then another 25 to the school at the other end. He’d be quite fit, at least!