Heya, I'm a film student at college at the moment, and I finished my creative coursework today and uploaded it to youtube. This is a film that I had to direct, edit, film, write out the script for and get the actors together. Without going into too much detail, I was influenced by the area of psychology and several pieces of new wave cinema.

Please tell me what you think of it, and in particular if I can improve it in any way. I'm giving it in on Monday, so I've this weekend to make it as good as possible. link.

Ahh, Aaron, I forgot you had a YouTube channel! Subscribing after this post~

I actually thought it was really good!

Editing thoughts: Try a darker sounding song in your intro/ending. Doesn't really fit into a short psychological horror film. Maybe even try something screamo, to sort of symbolize/put sound to the inner psychological turmoil of the whole Jekyll and Hyde thing.

The second scene with the chess board, 3:37 to 3:43. That line. Try to make it more dramatic? It sounded like you were a little nervous when you said it.

4:30, his hand twitches.

4:30, "What? What have you done? What have you done?" Your face is emotionless. Twist your face with rage and snarl/scream the line if the sound wouldn't be contorted by your camera. But in the very least your face needs to show more emotion. This is the point where you're mentally breaking so you need to look like it.

4:45, Bahaha, McDonald's Golden Arches is in the picture. The bright yellow is kind of a distraction from the point of the glitching scenes. Maybe use a "glitch scene" of that sea overlook shot from 1:45?

Last scene: "Step One is completed." *smiles*lolwut. The fact that you're playing an upbeat, alternative rock song and you're smiling happily makes me wonder what your point is. Was step one like an "I'm beginning my evil plan/transformation" thing? Try to make it more darker themed; look at the camera with a sense of villainy, like you've just completed your first step to madness and insanity. And try different music to emphasis the whole "plunging into the horrors of the human psyche" thing.

Other than that, and I really do mean that those were just small things that I noticed, I really thought it was great! I really never knew you were so talented!

~Subscribing now~

Also, don't worry, I won't be Cain Taylor when we meet in July.

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Fri Mar 15, 2013 9:16 pm

44R0NM10

Former Mod of the Aura

Joined: Mon Mar 29, 2010 5:52 pmPosts: 4011Location: England

Re: Corruption Empowers - short film

Thanks a lot for the feedback!

Thankfully, we're not graded on bad acting skills, so even though it's annoying it's not gonna affect my grade at all. I can see what you mean though, it's no lie that I'm not a brilliant actor.

As for the music choice, I kinda put that there for a few reasons. The first being the lines in the song seemed to fit Taylor's character at this moment in time. The second thing being how I wanted the music to contradict the film...only I can't remember why I wanted that now. It's probable I had an idea for why when I first started recording but forgot to implement it. Using screamo in particular could have better affects, and I'm sure I could think of a song with similar lines to Green Day's 'Minority'.

I didn't realize how the yellow stood out with the MC sign, so thank you for pointing that out. Also, I live like 100 miles away from the sea so that kinda confused me at first xD

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