When porn becomes a relationship-harming addiction, get professional help.

My girlfriend and I had a very active and satisfying sexual relationship when we first met.

Then she and I both started getting busier with life, and I started masturbating to satisfy myself.

I also started to use porn to help myself be aroused, to the point where I now can’t function sexually without the porn.

How can I help get my sex life with my girlfriend back on track?

It’d be too facile for me to answer, watch porn together, because you’ve undoubtedly tried. And if it worked, you wouldn’t be writing me.

Sadly, many men have expressed similar problems with having sex with a partner, resulting from excess porn watching.

The fact is, you’ve crossed the line to porn addiction. The body/brain connection to stimulus has made porn your sole route for arousal and release.

The positive news is that your recognition of this effect on you is a crucial starting point.

Stop watching porn. Simple? Of course not.

But, hopefully, withdrawal from it can work because of your awareness.

Consciously work at developing new “triggers” to intimacy that both you and your lover enjoy, e.g.: Stroking while nude, sharing a fantasy, reading a sex manual together, and trying new positions you both find enjoyable.

Remember that women often get aroused first through their emotions, so start with wooing — sexting to build anticipation, romantic surprises like flowers, sexy lingerie — then move to foreplay. Approach all of the above as couples’ sex play, instead of on your own.

Takes time? So does porn, when you add up the ever-increasing need for it when addicted.

If you need professional help, get to a sex therapist or behaviour modification practitioner. No reason to be embarrassed, they’ve heard it all before.

At moments of weakness: Compare being tied to watching porn to achieve orgasm on your own, to having the person you love, respect, and respond to you physically and emotionally, with both of you satisfied.

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