Spoof news stories from Sunday 1 August 2010

Amazon- Researchers investigating the contents of bird feces made an amazing discovery Friday. For years that little white speck on the top of bird droppings has confounded observers the world over.
Shing Ding Dong Valdez, a researcher and avid bi...

For some unknown reason, no one has ever linked British actor Tom Sturridge with the Twilight people although Sturridge is not only Pattinson's friend but is a name outside the United States, when it comes to movies.
Tom reportedly told friends la...

Hell- Record low temperatures resulted in major ice storms in Hell today. Satan reported Al Gores attempts to stop global warming as the cause." When Al sold me his soul for his riches I didn't know the bastard was going to actually stop warming" Sat...

Relatives of deceased Blues Guitarist Bo Diddley were amazed to receive a letter offering him the job of CEO of BP.
Bo Diddley, who died in 2008, was a rock and roll vocalist, guitarist, songwriter, and inventor. His mother, 110 year old Mo Diddle...

BEIJING: Conscious of its vulgar public habits and coarse social behaviors China has hired a culture trainer to teach basic manners to its Miss Universe representative.
The secretly-crowned Miss China is being given a crash course in foreign cultu...

Scots comedian Billy Connolly headbutted Liam Neeson at a glitzy Hollywood party last night. The party was being held to promote the new A-Team movie.
One party-goer heard Mr Connolly remark to the Irishman "Can ye no leave any parts fer the rest...

Miley Cyrus is getting into the Mel Gibson mold as every other week she is in the news. That may not be bad for people who need publicity but not for these people.
Besides, nearly all of it is negative.
After hiding and perhaps purchasing a cam...

David Cameron is a busy man. In the past week he has travelled to Turkey and India and today the Israeli President Shimon Peres showed his support for the cosmopolitan Prime Minister.
In an interview with an Israeli historian, Mr Peres accused Br...

With the governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, threatening to throw the entire cast of Jersey Shore out on their patooties, the producers of the show are shopping around for another state with a shore that will take them.
So far Virginia has sai...

WASHINGTON D.C. - For a stark, sobering reminder as to just how far we've apparently NOT come as a would-be free nation of celebrity obsessed news & information junkies, check out the virtual treasure trove of extra-enlightening goodies the Natio...

As news of Sarah Palin's inadequacy at geographical facts makes headlines almost daily, it is no wonder that her comments regarding the various British Isles have also come under fire.
Last week, while speaking to a group of British expatriates wh...

Special to INS - A Florida Vietnam-era veteran was surprised recently when he applied for Social Security. Solomon Dullhed found that he would receive a supplement to his regular award of $1,320 per month. "Wow, was I excited. After plugging in my ti...

USA Today reported that the percentage of federal workers who make more than $100,000 increased from 14 percent to 19 percent during the first eighteen months of the recession. Peter Orszag, Director of the Office of Management and Budget (OMB), said...

Hungaroring, Budapest, Hungary: After Brazilian Rubens Barrichello criticised former Ferrari team mate Michael Schumacher on Sunday for what Barrichello said was the most dangerous manoeuvre ever used against him, Michael Scumacher hits back!
Bar...

Confusion reigned on Wall Street when New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) CEO Duncan L. Niederauer could not be reached for comment after no one mounted the stock exchange podium to ring the closing bell on Wednesday. This tradition, complete with celebri...

A South African farmer has come up with a novel way of deterring rhino poachers - by injecting rhino horns with the deadly poison, cyanide.
Jan VanDerGrootsloot, who runs a huge spread north of Johannesburg is sick and tired of poachers shooting e...

Canada's Culture Minister Kevin Krueger today announced that Canadians will no longer be allowed to use the expression "eh?" with abandon: "I believe that this linguistic identifier places Canadians at a disadvantage in the English-speaking world, eh...

Laredo- Two researchers from The Center for Immigration Studies discovered the remains of what is thought to be the oldest known illegal immigrant.
Hector Valdez Juan Pablo and Chin Ming, two researchers from CIS, while studying the migration patt...

Glasgow - (Slashers): The flame-haired serial sex monster who worked the streets of Glasgow in the late 1960s and 70s has been a Sordid resident for nearly 30 years, British police said today.
A Damascene conversion in the Gorbals' notorious Tourn...

'Mr Cameron, we have to advise you that in diplomacy you never say what you think. You have, at the most extreme, to imply a tentative point of view.'
'That's all changed now'.
'Of course, you are right. You always are.'
'I don't mean I'm always right. I just like plain. straightforward speaking that doesn't beat about the bush and get tied in knots not saying anything relevant.'
'Of c...

It's a cold night in Helmand, an area of Afghanistan that borders Pakistan and is notorious for terrorist activities. There is a calm in the air, which the hidden British soldiers know is temporary. Any minute now a suicide bomber could appear from behind a rock, lighting up the dark sky as he shouts "Allah Akbar" and blows himself up. However, the men of the 1st Battalion Scots Guards receive a m...

Finally, the Clintons and most Republicans can agree on something-if you've got money, spend it like there's no tomorrow. Case in point, Chelsea Clinton's wedding. There seems to have been no holding back when it came to giving the very best wedd...

Like Mandela, Gandhi, Bhutto and DMX, the human race has a shameful record of imprisoning those who had the courage to rally against oppression. And, while we all wish we can look at that history, believing that we've risen above it, oppression of t...

Like Dylan, Ginsberg, Hemingway, Pee-Wee, and Hunter S. Thompson, Nicole Polizzi is The apokesperson of a generation's subculture.
And even though there are 7 members in the ensemble cast of MTV's breakthrough serial documentary series "Jersey Sho...

A gang of apparently dyslexic or illiterate vigilantes from South London have been attempting to target suspected paedophiles, but to date have only succeeded in assaulting innocent members of the public.
The gang, calling themselves 'The Peckham...

Granny Smith spent all month knitting a new woolen sweater for her grandson Billy's 8th Birthday.
But was he impressed?
The answer is a definite No - he most certainly was not.
Too itchy, no holes for the arms or the head, and 'suffocating'...

Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies became even wealthier today, after their newly formed company, SuBo Loonies International, Inc., was listed on the NAZCRAP stock market. The company, originally claimed to be a 'non-profit', was listed...

London - (Reuterus): Residents in the exclusive leafy enclave around Buckingham Palace are to assert their rights under the newly enacted Sarah's Flaw.
The legislation is named after one of Sarah, Duchess of York's career-best errors of judgment.

Glasgow - (Shackles): A letter from the convicted serial killer, smuggled out of Barlinnie Jail this weekend, has been intercepted by Spoof news sources.
The message was sent by Tobin to his secret birth mother in Chester Square, Belgravia.
It...

Pakistani's President Asif Ali Zardari is at the centre of a new row as officials at Paris Airport confiscated part of his luggage. The offending item, a large bowling ball with the initials of the captain of the bowling team, Bashaar Omar Mohammed B...

Forget about left-wing politics, Britain's Guardian newspaper has been officially dubbed the most boring newspaper in the country. The damning findings, from two men in a pub in Yorkshire and their dog, have confirmed what industry pundits have suspe...

The famous long, thin and crispy French baguette, so loved by visitors to France, has disappeared from the shelves of Paris bakeries. This was something which last happened 221 years ago (1789) and which sparked off the French Revolution and resulted...

The Rt Hon George Osborne MP, Chancellor of the Exchequer's Third Private Secretary's, Secretary, Gaylord Hobnob, has revealed some of the plans in the Green Paper, for the reduction in costs of the Police Service in the United Kingdom.
"The outso...

In an effort to protect the U.S. public from low cost, healthy foods, the US Food and Drug Administration will now ban fresh broccoli from human consumption.
"This ban is being implemented after multiple reports of the benefits of fresh broccoli a...

Chelsea Clinton, the daughter of former US President Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, has married her long-term boyfriend George Clinton at a lavish ceremony in New York.
Chelsea Clinton former Prince of P-Funk were married a...

Tired of that slice into the woods that guarantees a double bogie even if all the other shots are your best ever? Or maybe you are frustrated and intimidated by the water on number two at your local club. That is the water that requires you to hit...

The American College of Professors Who Teach in a College said that, by far and away, Barack Obama was the best president America had in 2009.
Spokesperson for the group Courtney Hurper Smith-Harper said that President Obama clearly showed "mu...

The news sent many a teenager running to the telephone about an hour ago with the CCB News Network announcing that Twilight actor, Taylor Launner was NOT dead.
Apparently, there was a part time actor who did commercials that had been badly injured...

The literary community on the Isle of Wight is set to be enhanced, enlarged and enlivened by the arrival on the island of critically-acclaimed poet Len Blatt, winner of the 2002 Cromer Prize for his silent play A Lancashire Muslim in Harry Ramsden's,...