WHISPERS OF MY UTOPIA: I'M FASCINATED BY PEOPLE AND THEIR BEHAVIOURS

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Monthly Archives: July 2015

A lot has been documented about alpha males across the world for ages. These are chaps that need no validation from any quarter. They come self-assured and with this demeanor that typically intimidates. Oozing confidence is what they are known for. They might be construed to be narcissistic which is not necessarily the case. There is a thin line than curves out the two. Alphas are people whose body language speaks for the mouth (narcissists place their mouth where reality is nowhere in the algebra). In fact the mouth is just a complimenter. They silence a buzzling room with their mere presence. They are people who stand out in a crowd probably because of their physique, unparalleled intelligence or their talent in wit or humour. Talk of Bien of Sauti Sol who is the topic of discussion all over the internet for ‘hanging’ on Obama shoulders. To me, it appeared like a mark of joy, excited for the two Presidents (Obama and Uhuru) joining them on stage in a State house dinner. He embraced both of them. That’s huge! You recall Larry Madowo and Jeff Koinange betting on who would interview President Obama first? That’s another duo of alphas.

Anyway, today I want to delve on the alpha females. A couple of days ago, I embarked on a journey that took me to the secretive women kingdom. Not much is known about this throne(s). Armed with my note book and a pen, I went on a mission to ‘investigate’ and unravel the murky tag of wars in this kingdom. Are women their own enemies? An affirmative YES. As much as women don’t get involved in physical fights, at least for the many cases; they throw this energy to emotional, verbal and nonverbal wars. Women are constantly assessing their ‘opponents’ strong and weak points. They routinely evaluate and update their intelligence about their rivals through spies and ‘Secret Service personnel’. One of the focal points for these fights revolves around the politics of their bodies and dressing codes. Having the right package courtesy of a flawless face, drooping hair (artificial or otherwise) and a torso that can make necks wag, comes as the ultimate prize that many find themselves wading on. Women like standing out too, on a whole different level. From their make ups to their shoe games; women exhibit determination to get it right. On the flip side, some bleach while others take pills to enlarge their bosoms all for quick gains.

Now let me untangle the female alpha in your office. She is this boss lady who comes with her territory. She is the new head of your department; six feet tall and with this chocolate complexion baby’s face. Everything else just falls in the right place, in shape and size. She is your boss’s pet and an enigma of the office politics. She craves for loyalty in numbers. To her, sycophants are her fortress and interestingly, are spread across both genders. Any rebel is crushed with cold wars and all manner of blackmails. With her height, she hovers and towers over your confidence levels at will. Hers is to colonise small thrones in the office and abduct them for future wars. Radicalising colleagues is a task she adores with her blood veins. Being danced for and worshiped is something close to her heart.

She has a thing with intimidating men. Her, being a daddy’s girl has spoilt her to the bone. She attests to the fact that nobody can much her dad’s attributes. Her dad being her number one fan is tantamount to mean everybody else should also match and sing to that tune. Men are judged from the angle of her dad’s personality. She’s obsessed with office authority and reining kingdoms. Settling scores and fighting for power is what she’ll never let go. Power, real or imagined is a leverage she hangs on to prove females can rule and humiliate men in equal measure. When men report to her, it works magic for her esteem. Her anger issues towards anybody who doesn’t toe the line is a testimony of the blurred bigger picture. Of stepping on peoples esteems to prove she is the untamed, alpha and omega of this space you occupy for 8 long hours. All in a day’s work!

Even before I finish jotting this down, I sense it’ll be labelled a ‘controversial piece’ and the writer will be accused of insensitivity, patriarchal mentality and lampoon on the female gender. That is far from the truth. The thing is, alpha females exist all over office set ups, from here to the Oval Office in Washington D.C , and admire being aggressive as their male counterparts in the management levels. Why this works in opposite is because its different from healthy assertiveness. Self-drive, hard work, excellent communicational and organisational skills are found within healthy assertiveness. Depiction of high hard hardness, aloofness and selective decorum across the hierarchy structure are signs of an alpha female. The fact remains; women can climb the promotional ladder gracefully by epitomising skills in communication, judgment, sensitivity and psychological insight – all traits needed to be a good leader.

Meet Stephani*. She is 25, full of life, with round, beautiful eyes and yellow yellow legs. And since she’s aware of her cute legs, she does above-the-knees dresses. She looks kind hearted and a church girl. You know church girls, right? I’ve penned it before in this blog. Of how they plait their hair and their type of shoes. (No pun intended.) So, Stephani* is a sales lady in one of the mainstream banks around. From what I understand with most banks, a salesperson works for six months under probation. A duration meant to prove ones worthiness in relation to you ‘bringing new customers’ to your bank. If you are lucky to pass that excruciating stage, you do another twelve months in a more progressive stage. Again, if you deliver, you are permanently absorbed.

The things is, to bring customers to your employer, you must be aggressive and possess a saleable personality. You must be this person who is gifted in breaking ice effortlessly, in matters holding conversations with total strangers. People will likely listen to you if you look warm and smile genuinely. If you appear to be honest and knowledgeable in your field, it’ll be an added advantage. So Stephani* is in this situation of meeting new people everyday and showcasing her services. She meets dozens of married men in the age of her dad in a week who apart from obliging to open bank accounts, she gets surprised by their dare devil approaches for endless dinner dates. They always want a piece of her, to milk dry all her innocence and conquer her charming beauty. Generous promises from these married men more often than not expose young lasses achille heels. And she is not unique. Most sales persons are young ladies and married men salivate over these souls unrelentingly.

Stephani* being a grounded christian finds herself in a catch 22. Between a job she badly needs to retain and dealing with libido dangling men who also happen to be her potential clients. She confesses she doesn’t envisage her daughter choosing a career like hers since married men chase her than the single young guys do. But why are married men cheating on their partners openly and ashamedly? We are in a generation that is suffering from unprecedented lust combined with upside down values. In married circles, if you have a young, bubbling lady by your side, you’ll be admired by 50 year old men. It works for their esteem somehow. After many nights of boring and cold nights in their over 15 years marriage or some even less than 5, they crave for this campus girls with an apetite for free money and dealing with hormonal imbalances of seducing rich, married men.

Why are married men fighting tooth and nail to befriend 21 year old girls for the ultimate objective of laying them? This is a result of them dealing with an empowered career or business woman who also makes good money like them. And because naturally men are wired to depict authority, a huge chunk of that clout has been plucked off leaving them exposed to all manner of vulnerabilities. Underage ladies and alcohol are their only source of redemption.

On the other hand, guys in this game are facing ladies their age or younger with better options. Consequently the bar has been supposedly raised to filter many of them. Hence many guys even in good jobs are settling down with tea girls or mpesa ladies (no pun intended) as a result. This for one, gives them room to redeem their badly maimed esteem and exercise authority over these subjects. Otherwise its only in isolated cases where you’ll hear of this chaps marrying their colleagues.

Unfortunately, legions of young ladies have accepted to push their career paths while their bodies do the negotiations. They don’t mind being laid by their potential bosses to get a job. In any case, who’ll get to know? These class is hysterical for quick gains and unrealistic goals. Technology has made the world a small place to observe enviable lifestyles dilly dallying left, right and center. As these lasses literary run away from ‘poverty’, they meet married wagons also running away from embattled homes. Its a meeting of sorts, and so are the end results. Some are also in the process of finding their father figures after surviving from problematic childhoods. Whatever they get is always more than they bargained for.

Guys ‘ready to marry’ are having a very hard time navigating this stage. In the end, married men still make them look bad. The tragedy is, even the newly wedded chaps are being hooked to this craze. Soon after they wed, one year after the honeymoon moods have evaporated, they come back to harvest where they didn’t sow. So what can a poor man with no means do apart from sitting back, watch this subtle chain unravel and in the process hope for a better day in the hunting field!

…………………It’s been a long day without you, my friendAnd I’ll tell you all about it when I see you againWe’ve come a long way from where we beganOh, I’ll tell you all about it when I see you againWhen I see you again – Wizkid ft. Charlie Puth

This is one of my most favourite sentimental songs for 2015. Incidentally its one sad of a song. It invokes memories of Fast Furious 7 and the car crash that claimed celebrated, leading actor, Paul Walker. Its terribly emotional.

That Mzee Ojwang’ has officially wrapped his time here on earth and that we won’t see him again, reminds me of this song. Even after dying at 78, you realise life is damn short. Let’s appreciate some facts here,

Born in Nyeri District, at some point he dropped out of school due to financial constraints. He worked in Mater Hospital for four years as a theatre technician before joining KBC formerly Voice of Kenya. He stuck here for 44 years. Lived in Mbotela estate, a neighborhood in Eastlands, Nairobi associated with lower class people. Terminated together with other cast members of Vitimbi from KBC about two years ago in what the management called ‘old age’. Died in Kenyatta National Hospital from pneumonia. After 44 years of dedication and commitment to one employer, he didn’t even get a golden handshake! His unrivalled passion in bringing comic to our living rooms since the 70’s shouldn’t have gone unnoticed by the presidents’ handlers to befit him with a Presidential Commemoration, at least.

Sorry, I just lied that I was part of this generation that had their childhood patched with unparalleled comic and laughter for several decades from this legend. I wasn’t. Not that we didn’t have a television. No. We had one, with a conspicuous, orange colour. This must have been my dad’s first asset, soon after he got his debut job. How my dad settled on an orange background colour is something I wish I asked him. If he was alive, this would have been an interesting conversation. What our household and many others in my village lacked, was electricity. It was very expensive, bureaucratic and took ages for one to qualify for a connection. In fact, in a village of about 50 homes, only two enjoyed ‘power’. One such belonged to a veteran athlete in the 90’s named Eric Wainaina. Not the musician though. Google is your friend. The other envious one was and still is a home to a brilliant guy who works in a government institution. Luckily, power came through in the last decade.

So this explains why I wasn’t lucky enough to watch Mzee Ojwang’. Actually many of my childhood friends share the same story only that they wouldn’t publicly admit. I don’t blame my late dad. He was phenomenal and in fact set the bar too high for me. Had he been alive today, I’d engage him with questions like; How he managed to have bought a car (VW car was the in thing then), several acres of land, constructed a nice house and had Friesian cows grazing by, before he hit 30. Dear readers, please ask these questions to your dads. Like what was their greatest achievement at 30. And what were their goals then. This will help you big time, in restructuring your life especially in the financial angle. Many fathers then, saved more and spent less unlike our times; where you are judged by the size of your phone or your loaned car that you’ll pay for 15 years.

Where was I. Mzee Ojwang’ is the Gama Pinto, Tom Mboya, Jaramogi Oginga, Harry Thuku and Nelson Mandela of the Art industry in Kenya. He was an epitome of a rare group of Kenyans, whose embodiment was not defined by tribal caucuses. In fact somebody said, Mzee Ojwang’ will be the first Luo to be buried in Central Kenya. That’s how far he was from his native tribe. How I wish we can use our talents for the betterment of others far away from parochial trappings of tribal mindsets. ( It disturbs me when learned Kenyans make fun and continue to cheer the like of Moses Kuria and company).

It’s sad that Mzee’s death was shrouded and shadowed by many low moments. Am sure at some point he felt unappreciated after more than 44 years of unconventional hard work and dedication to this nation. How do you perform for four presidents during national holidays in a span of 4 decades and die a pauper. Art has for long time been neglected in this country. Over the last few years though, the script has been changing. I know of friends who work full time in this industry and are doing very well. It’s politically correct to say the Mau Mau fighters of every noble course die empty handed, sadly.

Though Mzee Ojwang’ was never part of my childhood, his exemplary service to this nation penetrated beyond the TV screens to the villages deep in the rural areas. Kids of those times craved to watch him even when connection to electricity was an impossible dream, then. You’ve left an indelible mark sir. Safiri salama, salimia Molana, tutaonana baadaye!

Your life is all about playing hide and seek with STIs. Contraceptive pills are more like your breakfast. You spend few nights and more days in your house. What this means is that nights bring you to life while days are meant to nurse your hangovers. You cannot quantify the millions of litres of alcohol you’ve been bought for by strangers (read married men). Twice or thrice in a week you wake up in a stranger’s digs. Your longest dress manages to only cover your waistline. Your entire bosom in many occasions is barely covered. At times you shave one side of your head as the rest deals with drooping braids. This perhaps depict the confusion galore in your empty life. Virtually everything in your apartment is bought for. (Well, directly or indirectly.) From your humongous plasma tv to your cosy leather seats. Your house breathes extravagance, opulence and the finest of things in life. You drive a beautiful, red in colour, Mazda CX-5 whose engine sound is rarely noticeable. You swap boyfriends like under garments. You salivate over married men like men would do to a good piece of land in the outskirts of the city. You purport to be a socialite kumbe you are nothing but a sophisticated w****.

Your ex boyfriends include your erstwhile lecturers, club bouncers, politicians and their chauffeurs. A night out is never complete without shisha escapades. Here you smoke away your self pity and the injured conscious. Your biggest investment is buying scanty clothes and high heels taller than you. In your bucket list; you crave for this sponsor who’ll fly you to his alluring bungalow , somewhere in the outskirts of Lagos, Nigeria. His mansion will be sandwiched by a thick bamboo forest, and life breathed to it by beautiful bird chirpings. You’ll rest in this spacious restroom as you eyes get lost to this fascinating wilderness in your front view via the glass walls. Pulling duvet in the bourgeois sofas will be your other business, dressed in a bikini and sipping red wine. You’ll take selfies and post them on IG to be smothered by envy from your poor and broke chaps.

Growing up in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, women were the epitome of a dignified life. Ladies, were not to be found in trenches and ditches directly opposite a pub at 7 am. In fact to spot a lady drinking, was a rare thing. They didn’t wear things that just covered their waste lines. Being a virgin was something to be proud of. Fast forward now, everything is upside down. That ladies have crossed the infamous red line is something we have to put up with. Opening up your legs to guys you’ve just met is never a bad idea. The other day a lady on tv who seemed barely 21 was like “If you can make more money in a nightclub (where you go to be pried by men) than in the office, why should you then oscillate in uncomfortable sit, for 8 hours.” It makes sense to make money in things you enjoy doing and activities that are actually like a hobby. So this lady, is paid for appearances in clubs. She is a socialite and proud of it. I wasn’t surprised that her role model is Kim Kardashian who came to the fore out of a sex tape. Arguably, Kim is the mother of all socialites.

As far as I’m concerned, strippers, whores and socialites are one and the same thing. You can easily evolve or slip to the other once in this league. Yes, thou shall not judge! You are about to say. I’m not suggesting am anywhere near righteous. I’m just echoing what lies between my disturbed consciousness. Especially when we try to define socialites as a good career for teenagers to hold thoughts for. They say all that is needed for the forces of evil to triumph is for enough good men to do nothing. We have every responsibility to protect and uphold values. When you show so much skin, it’s a confirmation that you are crying for validation. You are just but an empty shell. You are equating yourself to a walking sex object. In other words, when tongues wag at you, you feel good about yourself. That’s a problem that so many ladies are struggling with. The whole idea of auctioning your body on Instagram and Facebook for ‘sponsors’ passing by is the saddest thing ever and the worst injustice you can ever do to yourself.

Mr. President, I hope this letter finds you well. Am aware you are a busy man. Having said that, am requesting you to spare utmost five minutes of your busy schedule to read these 1,000 or so words of my two cents thinking. Its about matters alcoholism in the context of your passionate appeal and directive on immediate stoppage of illicit brew production. I must admit its rather unfortunate that you had to personally intervene to this growing life threatening menace while we have institutional bodies like NACADA, KEBS, Public Health and Provincial Administration mandated to regulate and monitor the whole business of alcohol supply.

Am fairly young bwana President,(barely 30 hehe) and terribly sympathise with my generation. Am deeply concerned about our outright worship of alcohol (read mainstream beer/wine/whiskys) and illicit brews which lowly financially endowed youths are hooked in to. I can relate to your anger where unscrupulous entrepreneurs are sending our generation to their deathbed with no iota of remorse. I fail too, to comprehend why a young man would gulp a drink whose name is Rest In Peace packaged with a coffin image.

Here is my advise; Please reign on the Provincial Administration. To start with, give a terse warning to all chiefs. Meaning, any chief who fails to contain illicit brew in his/her location in the next 6 months should be immediately dismissed and put behind bars. Secondly, zoom to the OCPDs and Administration Police. They are the rock bed in matters corruption and protecting sacred cows in this scam. They either run these businesses in the periphery or have their girlfriends or relatives managing them. What this means is that their entertainment joints, be it pubs or wines and spirits dens are untouchable. The worse that can happen for them its to be warned that NACADA officials will do a spot check on a said date. This means they not only operate outside the mututho hours (5pm – 11pm on weekdays and 2pm – 11pm on weekends) but also become susceptible to selling illegitimate alcohol products. No chief or police officer should run an entertainment/bar business. That should be very clear.

Speaking of mututho hours, I know of a small pub where I always pass by while heading to the office, located less than 300 meters from a public primary school that opens 24/7. For very strange reasons, occasionally I find young ladies completely passed out at 8:00 am on weekdays. This bar sells anything from illicit brew to 2nd generation liquor. I don’t understand how it operates with this sheer impunity in a town’s CBD. The entire Provincial Administration is part and parcel of this tragedy. There is no way for instance, Murang’a County can net 1 million litres of illicit brew and business goes on as usual. Mr. President, chiefs and OCPDs in this region should have been sacked and prosecuted by now. The buck must stop somewhere. If this government shows more seriousness in fighting this war through nationwide enforcements, it can be worn.

There is no reason why my area chief down in the village( not a village per se) nets 1,300 cartons of 2nd generation alcohol and fails to destroy it, remains in office. This is the same chief who purports to be fighting illicit liquor now while he has been in office close to 20 yrs now. The habit with chiefs and police has been, seize off the liquor, take it to a police station and later release it to the market. The police are bribed to release it. The media will have reported how the police unearthed a major illicit brew cache. These monkey games must be reigned on, now.

The other group that you should prevail upon are the NACADA officials. Am not surprised that the top management level of NACADA is always in limbo from matters conflict of interest and corruption. Its officers on the ground can only be assumed to be incompetent or bribed to turn a blind eye. Until recently there has lacked enough sensitization on alcohol abuse, alcohol qualityness and alcoholism status in this country. The big boys in this game of alcohol brewing have been trying to vindicate themselves through adverts in national newspapers. The notion here is that there is good and bad alcohol. That’s a big lie. In a country so hooked to alcoholism, where the female gender is attempting to oust the men in alcohol imbibing; we have a big time problem. In my opinion adverts on alcohol and cigarettes should be completely banned.

KEBS and KRA should be put on notice. For the latter, there is no way its stickers can be so easily faked without them addressing the issue. Its either they have been compromised or are too incompetent. KEBS and Public health officers on the other hand have not been hands on to apprehend business men and women trading illicit brews in established outlets. Its one thing to give a clean bill of health and its another to ensure only the legitimate products are on constant supply. Bottom line is; heads must roll for Kenyans to take this renewed vigour seriously. Otherwise your government will be a laughing stock’s subject. County governments must also be advised to apply a formula on the number of bars a given area can hold. It should not just be about anybody who can raise the licence fees. The benchmark should be set very high. In fact I have am on record suggesting licence fees should be in the region of a million plus to discourage any Kamau, Ochieng’ or Wambua. Not to mention that no bar should be any near a residential estate. And to cater for the poor who must drink, kindly remove excise duty on Senator Keg to make it affordable to many and to discourage infiltration of illicit brew in the market.

Alcoholism will first be won by eradicating illicit brew and 2nd generation liquor. Enough said, lets walk the talk sir.

On this Monday morning, am preparing to churk for jobo. Am also listening to the very talented Angela Angwenyi on Nation FM as she shares this intriguing and very sad state of affairs in this nation. That because you are not well connected and monied, so to speak; justice will never come to you. That magistrates and cops are paid to look the other way and turn a blind eye. I was sorry for this poor lady who has been to hell and back. Why does life has to be this cruel and brutal? Why is nature punishing her this hard?

Tracing it back, Elizabeth got married when she already had a daughter. Not every Tom, Dick and Harry marries a lady who already has a biological kid. Many a times this kids bear childhood abuse silently. They get traumatised and intimidated in equal measure. So one day, Elizabeth left her kids in the house doing homework and dashed out. She met a shocker when she came back. Her first born daughter (the one she got hitched with) had been raped and beaten by her step-father in no time. Elizabeth informed her mother in law who promised to handle her son and even went ahead to instruct Elizabeth not to take this kid to the hospital

A furious Elizabeth ignored this woman’s pleas and took her daughter to a nearby clinic. This was the beginning of her feud with her mother in law. She would stomach insults and threats from this mother in law as she went ahead to report the case to the police. The case stalled in court for years dwindling every hope Elizabeth had, to seek justice. Later on, her husband would get cops to kick her from their matrimonial home. Police on arrival were surprised that the so called woman that was reported to them was actually one known to them, always frequenting their station to seek help. They instead changed their mind and attempted to arrest this chap who upon realising this, scattered away.

Elizabeth was later on hoodwinked by a brother to this guy to meet him so that they could end the ‘feud’ between her and mother in law and probably settle the ongoing case out of court. Its after a cup of tea that this guy would convince Elizabeth to accompany him in visiting her mother in law who by this time was in Kenyatta National Hospital. Once in the car, she met three more chaps who would actually drive her to Karura Forest. Here, she would be detained for three days whereby they stripped her, took pics of her private parts and raped her repeatedly in turn. I forgot to mention that by this time, she was three months pregnant out of another rape ordeal from another gang sent by her husband in cahoots with his family to intimidate her to drop the case in court.

All along, FIDA and Witness Protection Department were aware of Elizabeth’s story, since its not once that she seeked help from them. On the other hand, her husband’s family admitted bribing the magistrate handling the case with sh.400,000 while he/she was demanding for sh.500,000. Its okay to conclude we’re in an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth times. Its despicable, when people buy justice and even go ahead to intimidate and humiliate the victims. Its unfathomable that institutions vested with dispensing justice without fear or favour have been infiltrated and compromised to an extent of being the biggest impediment to justice. Its a sad reality that evil is being perpetuated in our doorsteps and neighborhoods but we can’t speak about it. We keep complaining that our politicians are engaging in runaway impunity and rampant corruption while we are not any better. Incest cases are on the rise going unreported due to intimidation and blackmail from perpetrators.

On the other hand you’ll be bothered by what men have become. And whats with mothers from hell covering up their beyond repair boys (pretending to be men), thereby encouraging them to sink deeper in wickedness? Am disturbed by this generation with the attitude of see no evil and hear no evil. Why are people comfortable with such news while they go about their businesses unperturbed? We should already be holding demos to FIDA’s headquarters, Chief Justice’s office and Director of Public Prosecution office demanding answers and their justification to be in office while all these is happening. I mean, for how long will poor mums suffer in the hands of paedophilic boys disguising as men, salivating over their daughters and who show no difference from a dog that can’t contain its sexual desires. Elizabeth’s first daughter was robbed her childhood. The horrible experiences she shared with her mum made her mature pretty early in life. Now these are some of the consequences of a family institution in disarray.