(Closed) Help-problem with coworker :/

I work in a small office with one doctor, his assistant and myself (office manager). His assistant has been at the office for 12 years and is a good friend of the doctor that we work for. I have been at the office for 3 years and have become friends with his assistant myself (we’ll call her R). R is 5 years older than myself (she’s 32) and is married with 2 kids. Because there are only 3 people in the office, it is very difficult for either of us to miss work and because of that, she often brings her daughter to work with her and finds another child care arrangement for her son. R works in the back with the doctor, so the child sits up front with me all day. I normally don’t say anything because she is very sensitive about her kids, and she is good friend with the doctor and I know he doesn’t see anything wrong with her bringing the child to work.

Fast forward to a couple days ago (a little over a week before my wedding) and she brings the child to work very sick. At first, she had her sitting in a side (consult) room rather than at the front desk with me, where she normally sits. I was okay with that, but then when her mom when back with the doctor she came up to the front desk and started rummaging through my cups of pens and pencils and then sat down next to me and began coughing. I did panic a little at this point, because I absolutely didn’t want to get sick a week before my wedding. So, I went to the back (privately with R) and asked that the child be put back in the side room, or that she take her home since she wasn’t feeling well and I could handle the rest of the days patients with the doctor (I am also trained to work in the back). I did say it in a panicked voice, like you could probably tell I wanted the kid away from me, and I did say that I didn’t want to get sick before my wedding. R took the child and left for the day, which was fine by me, but for the next couple days at work she was not speaking to me and when I spoke to her she gave one or two word responses. She was very cold toward me. I tried texting her today and got more cold responses so I finally asked her “are you upset with me? I feel like you have been off with me for the past couple days, did I do something wrong?” And this is the response I got back:

“Yes, I will explain & u don’t have to respond. I am hurt & upset that u panicked & didn’t want Mady around u with a sore throat cough. I was just going to have her stay in the consult room. You don’t live in a bubble & u can get sick from anyone, anywhere @ anytime, in life. You should be more selfless & caring. I was upset & personally didn’t want to be around u, that’s why I left. No one ever has said or acted like that about my kids. I am truly disappointed.”

I was pretty taken aback by this response, because why wouldn’t you just say something if you were so upset instead of treating me like crap until I ask? Am I really so selfish for not wanting to be sick before my wedding!? This is what I responded back:

“I’m truly sorry if I hurt your feelings, that wasn’t my intention. And I would never try to hurt your kids feelings either, that is why I didn’t say anything to her or around her. I had hoped you would understand my not wanting to be sick right before my wedding. And you’re right that I could’ve asked in a less panicked way, and I am sorry for that. But I do think it was a reasonable request to have you take her either in the consult room or home. I didn’t have a problem when she was in the consult room and I wouldn’t have said anything at all if that was where she was Please call me when you can bc I consider you a good friend and want to work this out.”

She responded that she was busy and we could talk later. Any advice on how I should handle this when we talk? I can’t have a bad relationship with her because it would be devastating to my job security as she is very close with my boss. I am very well paid and my job is generally a breeze so I don’t want to lose it. Thanks for any help.

I understand you not wanting to be around her sick kid, she shouldn’t have brought her in unless she was going to keep her somewhat isolated at all. maybe it would have bedmate better to speak to your boss and have him ask her to take the daughter home or put her in the consult room. I’m sure it was no fun for the kid to be taken to with all day either if she is feeling sick. The mother sounds overly sensitive about her children and probably perceives everything as an attack or judgement. Hopefully she gets over herself soon.

Sorry, but I have no advice and just want to say good luck. Entitled people like that can’t be reasoned with. It’s always gonna be about HER kids and how THEY are treated. She probably coudln’t give 2 shits if her kid got you sick right before your wedding or anytime.

I think R does sound overly sensitive and that she was blowing things out of proportion. If you’re worried about your job security, I think a gesture of kindness toward her kids could be a good starting point for healing wounds. Maybe offer to take her and her kids out for lunch? Or bring her daughter a get well soon card and a stuffed animal? Personally I hate kissing a** but if you really think you could lose your job over this it might be worth it.

I see nothing wrong in what you did or said. She needs to have backup arrangements for when her chid is sick.

I know that doctor’s offices are like a petri dish, but there are also immuno suppressed patients who should not be exposed to sick children. Our doctor’s office requires anyone coughing to wear a mask, which they give you, and which is changed every 20 minutes ,as the inexpensive masks offer no protection once they become damp.

fascinated: I was thinking this too, but then (depending on the kind of dr) maybe they aren’t sick people coming in, and most patients are not rummaging through your desk supplies, or coughing right in your face?

Lollybags: thank you for your reply! We used to have a 3rd girl working at the office (who R had a problem with and she ended up getting fired). The 3rd girl had a problem with the child being up there and said something directly to the doctor and R got sooooo upset about it, she was crying and demanded to know why that person hadon’t come straight to her (because of course, the doctor told R everything she said). So I was trying to give her the respect of going directly to her. I do think she viewed it as an attack…I don’t have kids yet so I cant understand the way she must feel. I just viewed it as everyone gets sick sometimes, it isn’t the child’s fault…I just didn’t want to be around it.

And I also think she may have told the child not to talk to me because when she brought her to work again a couple days later the child didn’t respond to anything I said to her. Normally she responds when I say “good morning, how are you?” Or ask her questions throughout the day but instead she just stared ahead and I eventually gave up trying.

MilaBeth: It being a dental practice does change things a bit. She should have alternative arrangements available, but if the rest of the job is as cushy as you indicate, then you have to pick your battles. Since you know she’s (too) protective/invested in any ‘negative’ about her children, approaching her is probably not the way to go. I’d probably approach the boss and say,”I’m afraid I really upset co-worker. I probably stepped out of line and talked to her directly, rather than approaching you, but I asked her to take her sick child home/or confine her to the consult room. I didn’t want to be exposed to illness just prior to my wedding, but it probably wasn’t my place to say something. (Even if you think it was). I’m sorry I took this upon myself, and I’m sorry I upset her… She still seems a bit distant to me, but could we talk about when it’s appropriate for anyone …. her, me, or her child to come in if they’re sick.” Hopefully the boss will help smooth things over. (Or this will backfire big time and she’ll be even angrier that you went to the boss.)

ETA: Just saw someone else got fired for going to the DR. Whether you’re right or not, I think I’d be making some sort of a mia culpa to the Dr. as an attempt at damage control.

lia22: But they are signing in at the front desk, handling other fomites (pencils, clipboards, insurance cards, credit cards) etc. It is less of a concern in and dental office, but it’s not a non-existant one.

Why is your co-worker bringing her child into work? That’s really unprofessional, if you ask me. I understand that things happen and sometimes you have no other choice but to do so. To make it a daily thing…I just feel bad for her kid, having to sit in a confined area for so long. And she should be grateful that you’re around, babysitting her kid while she’s in the back working with the Dr. On a side note, I agree with what how you handled the situation. You confronted her about the situation, but you didn’t do so in a confrontational manner. You explained why you did what you did and apologized that her feelings got hurt. Honestly, there’s not much more that I would do if I were you. Time heals all!

Honestly, due to the past history, I don’t think the situation will change or get any better. I couldn’t work under those conditions. It would become a 2-person office pretty quickly. Babysitting and dodging extra germs should not be in your job descritption.