Thursday, October 25, 2007

I'm sorry! The post was getting too long and the book tour questions had to get sent out and it seemed like a good stopping point and... Can I just go on record that I'm massively into wizarding (I told you I'd find a use for it, Bea) and it freakin' takes over everything else in my life. I barely have time to stress about the fact that I don't seem to be ovulating this month. It's just wizarding--day and night, day and night...

If you're reading this and you haven't read An Ooky Spooky Post, Part One, stop and back up. None of this will make sense unless you read the post before this one.

Sister P allowed me to write down the names of four people who had died that I would like to speak to through her. I took the tiniest scrap of paper from the back of my notebook and wrote in barely legible letters in a font that would put a size 8 to shame. But I didn't just write in tiny print. I wrote the names transliterated into Hebrew (so, not their Hebrew names which would naturally be spelled with Hebrew letters, but their names in English shoved into Hebrew letters. Sort of a hard concept to convey to the non-Jewy Jew, but go with me on this). Why? Because I'm not a natural believer. And if she had come out with the names, I would have simply thought that she had some device set up that allowed her to see over my shoulder. But I could assume that if I wrote out nonsense--in a foreign language, no less--and she came up with these names... Well. I folded up the paper as small as possible and handed the spit-ball-esque paper to Sister P.

She rubbed it between her fingers while she spoke and she wove my conversations with those four people through details from my past.

I was born too quickly. My mother is probably nodding if she's reading this. I was born so quickly that my father didn't have time to park the car. My mother came into the hospital and dilated to 10 cm within a matter of a few minutes. By the time my father got up to labour and delivery, he was told that he had missed the entire birth. Oh, and congratulations--you have a baby girl.

Sister P explained: I was born that quickly because I didn't actually need to be here. I had made a completion in my last life and I had been released from the life cycle. I chose to return to earth and was born that quickly to slip into the world under what she called a "god sign." She explained that I chose to return not for my own personal gain, but to help others. She said others would benefit because I had chosen to return to earth (aren't y'all breathing a huge sigh of relief right now that I'm here?).

My uncle came forward to speak to me; the first person on my list. Sister P spoke for him. He wanted to apologize. He was sorry that he left so quickly without saying goodbye. He knew that I always had trouble with goodbyes and he was worried that it was because of the way he had died so suddenly. My uncle died of a heart attack when I was nine and he was the first person that I lost suddenly; without warning. I still have trouble with goodbyes at thirty-three.

She told me about a relationship that I had during college. She told me I had dated the man for two years and our relationship was so intense that when she looked at our relationship as she peered into my past, she couldn't tell what was him and what was me. His life had bled so completely into my own.

She told me there was a night after I got off the phone when I was crying so hard that I knelt down on the ground and started hitting the floor with the palm of my hand. And I did do this, alone in the apartment, my junior year. I never told anyone about it--including this boyfriend--until I told my sister this story after I left Sister P's.

My cousin came forward to speak holding the left side of her head. She called herself not by the name I wrote down in transliterated Hebrew on the slip of paper, but the name that I called her. She told me that what had been in her head was now gone and I should stop mourning her because she was at peace. She died when I was in middle school from a brain tumour.

Sister P ran through a host of past problems and situations, ticking them off as proof, promising me that she had something extremely important to tell me about my future and she wanted me to believe her and take it to heart. She touched on a lost friendship, the end of my relationship with this aforementioned boyfriend, a difficult time in my family when I was 13. She told me that I needed to let go of what was happening in the moment, leave it behind in Massachusetts and move. She apologized for what I was going through in Massachusetts (as I've already said, I was in the center of Hell), but it was necessary for this whole return-to-earth business. "Believe it or not, you need to be going through this now so you can help people later."

And though I don't feel like I can speak openly about what happened in Massachusetts, I think what Sister P said is completely true. I don't think you would have me connecting with you if not for that experience that brought something that started in college full-circle. But until I looked over my notes from Sister P tonight to write this post, I never put that together.

Not to be cryptic or anything.

My pushy Hungarian great-grandmother showed up for a visit and kept interrupting Sister P, just as she would have done in real life. She kept marveling at me and saying, "but she is just a little girl!" It is a phrase I always associate with her, the Hungarian lilt to her words: "leeeeetle geeeeerl." My grandfather, always quiet and gentle in real life, stood next to her, saying nothing. Sister P asked if he had died recently. "This year," I answered. He hadn't learned how to communicate yet with the living, she explained.

This is the message that Sister P needed me to know. She said that I wasn't put here for marriage. But I would have one and I would know he was my intended husband because he would mention that he had lived overseas when I met him. Prior to dating Josh, I dated a boy from Israel and I always wondered if he was the one. To be honest, I really didn't want him to be the one. I wasn't in love with him. But he had, of course, lived overseas. Still, it wasn't something that was mentioned on the first date so I always wondered about it.

During our first date, Josh told me all about the year he spent living in Israel after college and his travels through Ireland. I went home and called my lady-when-waiting and my mother and told them both, "I met the man I'm going to marry." And I did.

She told me to write this down. I would only have one child. It would happen when I was 30 and it would be a difficult birth as well as a difficult pregnancy. She said the complications would begin around 4 months, but if I followed my doctor's orders, I would deliver a healthy baby. If I fought against my doctor's orders, the baby wouldn't live. She told me I would need to stop working towards the end.

When we were doing treatments the first time, I never believed I would be a mother, though the words I wrote down from Sister P brought me a modicum of peace at times. According to Sister P, I would have one child. She had been right about Josh and she had been right about not trying to live in Washington, D.C. proper (a long story of apartment waiting lists). Why couldn't she be right about motherhood?

When I became pregnant with the twins, her words sent me into a panic. One child. I couldn't even focus on the rest of the prophecy. All I could see were the words "one child." It didn't even occur to me that it was coming true when the hyperemesis kicked in (a difficult pregnancy is right) or when my doctor told me to stop working and I fought him, saying that I needed to finish off the school year. Their birth, as you now know, was difficult. They were IUGR and were born prematurely at 33 weeks. I didn't do any of the emotional prep work Sister P told me to do. I was an emotional wreck after their birth. I was 30-years-old as promised.

But we broke the prophecy, right? Because she said there would be one child. Or did she say "one pregnancy" and I wrote down "one child"? It's obviously important and it's not one of those things I can check on after the fact. At the same time, it's not really important. It's all in what you want to believe.

She told me that I would want more children and I wouldn't get them. I would have many children pass through my life but they wouldn't be mine. They would be other women's children, but I would affect their lives from afar.

It makes you think twice about starting treatments sans insurance coverage. Tens of thousands of dollars for something that you go into knowing can't work according to Sister P. Except what other choice is there with prophecies except to continue living your life and see if they come true?

It all depends on whether I want to live by a prophecy. And what I really believe.

More thoughts on prophecies to follow soon as well as what Sister P told me about changing events that will happen in the future.

But my understanding is that intuitives (my sister is one) read based on the path you're on. It IS possible to change the path through mindfulness and the setting of intentions ("it is my intention to remember I already am all that I seek" is preferable to "it is my intention to get pregant and carry a baby to term.")

I am in a similar boat. I have been told I am a Wounded Warrior. That I survived something difficult with my soul intact and am now in a position to help others.

That is spooky. I can't wait to the end. Interesting thought process Mel. Interesting. But the two readings I've had said that I would have three children, two boys and a girl. :) But that hasn't happened.

Also, the second said I would marry a man that was surrounded by children. My husband and I met doing retreats for teenagers. He is always surrounded by children - to play. Yes, I think she got that right.

I guess my point is that the future is undetermined in my opinion. People have choice, and therefor you choose your destine as much as it is predetermined. I kind of looking at it as forks in the road. One road will get you one place, the other road will get you somewhere else.

And by the way, you are helping people. Where would we go if we didn't have you? Thank you for providing this link to so many wonderful people that are unfortunately going through similar, painful experiences.

Wow, that is very interesting! I like what Glouise said in that the they are better at recalling past events than predicting future events accurately.

I've always stayed away from these types of situations because I would probably dwell on things too much. I had a psychic seek me out at a conference to tell me once that I was giving off some strong signals from across the room. I was busy working so I didn't really have time to go into things with him, but one thing he told me was I would be the mother of boys-3 to be exact. Another time at a company holiday party we had a palm reader walking around. She told me she saw boys in my future as well and told my husband he wouldn't have children. While that is partially true because of azoospermia- I think we must have changed his destiny by the use of DI!

I've never been a believer, but I've also never had an experience like yours. Could change my views!

I agree though that it is possible to change your future. It's easier to 'read' the past because it is already done and set in stone. The future can always be affected by different choices made than were expected, etc.

Maybe Sister P didn't see the twins in your future. Maybe they somehow jumped ahead of that 'one child' and Sister P's prediction got pushed further into the future. That would mean your 'one child' hasn't been born yet!

wow. spooky indeed. can't wait to hear more.for all of her gifts, it sounds to me as if sister p was a bit foggy on the details when it came to you and children. let's hope that the second part of her prediction was as wrong as the "one child" part...

I saw a psychic once and also had my palm read. Both said I would have two children, a boy first and then a girl several years later. Well, three years of trying hasn't produced either of those...although I do have a stepson, so I often wonder if that was my boy and I'm going to have a girl sometime. I can only hope. I'm very much looking forward to hearing more, you've got me intrigued!

Remember the Shakespearian caution to beware the man born of no woman? well, that was a man born by c-section. So, words are hard to get meaning from sometimes. So, you had "one" child: two born as one. Or, she saw your quest to have a child and its defining place in your life as one child as in one "baby" or "one path."

That's a whole lot of very weird stuff. But the thing is, if you don't do treatments, the prophecy is self-fulfilling (barring miracles). I think what you said about living your life and seeing what comes of it, regardless of prophecy, says it best.

Maybe she meant you will have one natural conceived pregnancy. Hey, you never know with these readings. I myself have seen a few "mikubalim" - Jewish prophets and one said I'd have many children - so far just one and another said I'd be pregnant with # 2 within the year. It's been a few years, so go figure. Don't put all your trust in Sister P predictions no matter how accurate she's been in the past.

Spooky! I've never believed in psychics (I believe in physics instead), but this is an eerie tale. How strange it must have been for you to sit and hear all these stories from your past, and then be told about the future ... have you always believed that she was right?

Surely there is some room for change, for free will, for a payoff after the struggle....

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What is Stirrup Queens? It's a blog about infertility and pregnancy loss, an exploration of adoption and donor gametes, a bitch session about daily life and books, an outlet for stories and baking lessons written by a sustainable-living, kosher, Jewish, mother of twins conceived via fertility treatments who is still trying to add to her family.

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