Waterboarding not the answer to broker disclosure

Officials at CHOPS, the committee advising the European Commission over broker disclosure, have rejected suggestions from some risk managers that tougher measures should be brought in to encourage greater transparency from brokers over remuneration.

The notorious Anti-Broker League (ABL), formed at the height of the contingent commissions row (Spritzergate), has vowed to bring in a number of measures, including waterboarding, hooding, and a ban on golf. ?It?s the only language they understand,? said the leader of the ABL, a well known risk manager. ?We?re tough on lack of transparency, tough on the causes of lack of transparency.?

A CHOPS official said that they totally rejected such extreme measures. ?We think that this can be achieved perfectly well by asking brokers very nicely. Using torture methods such as forced starvation will never work,? said the official, in reference to the ABL?s alleged plan to reduce broker lunches from five courses to three.

Brokers have responded by pointing out that they are already disclosing vast amounts of information, such as who the insurance is placed with, and what the premium is.

?We have no problem being transparent. We just don?t want people to know how or what we are being paid by insurers,? said Geoffrey Larg-Brandy, president of The Institute of Multinational British Insurance Broking Entities (IMBIBE). ?We think transparency is over-rated. We prefer opaque. Or frosted. Or some sort of nice net curtains. We are prepared to disclose everything as long as it isn?t prejudicial to our bank accounts.?

The CHOPS official said that they were pursuing a number of different options, including mandatory disclosure, customer agreed remuneration, or disclosure on request. ?Some form of disclosure will be required of brokers. We very much hope that they will agree to one of the suggested disclosure regimes,? said the CHOPS official. ?Failing that, we?ll apply electrodes to their knackers??