Tuesday, August 27

I just do not consider chili without beans to be real chili. I know that's probably just me, else it wouldn't be sold in stores. I've accidentally bought it a few times because I didn't see the word "no" on the can when looking for chili with beans. (late edit: there are no cans labeled chili with no beans, only 'chili with beans'). I didn't know what to do with it when I opened the cabinet to make chili (okay, heat some chili), so one time I mixed it with a can of chili with beans for my son and I. The flavor was okay, but it just didn't blend well; too soup like for my taste. Since it (buying the wrong type of chili) has happened since that first time, I've had to find another use for it. A couple of things I do is add a can (with or without beans) to spaghetti, which makes it taste very yummy. Another thing I've done, like tonight, is add it to the browned ground beef (after it's drained), then added the macaroni and cheese sauce from the box of Hamburger Helper. Chili with beans has also been used this way, but if I have a can without beans, it's works great too. So now when I open the cabinet, see a can of chili without beans, after I think, "Shit! I did it again!" Calm is quickly re maintained because I know I've got a use for it, so it's really not a big deal anymore. After making tonight's box of macaroni and cheese "Hamburger Helper", I decided that it would be extremely easy to make it myself and not buy the boxes of the stuff. Yeah, I know I could've been doing that all along, but I didn't want to buy the ingredients separately to combine them into an actual meal. It's just easier when the stuff is already in a box and just needs cooked and mixed. Can't say anything except that I plead being a guy who does NOT like to cook. I'm learning however that sometimes it's necessary, so I do it from time to time. Do you know how much macaroni they give you in a box of the Hamburger Helper? Or am I going to have to measure it the next time I make some? It's just that there's exactly enough for two people, which is how many I'm cooking for most of the time. Thanks.

Sunday, August 11

Yesterday I watched 2 documentaries. One was on how
people subconsciously pick mates. Which got me to thinking that I'm screwed because of my health. People just instinctively look for healthy mates, and with 8 billion or so other choices, the likelihood of my being chosen is slim to none.

The other was about happy places around the
world. People who live in conditions that are totally opposite of the way it’s perceived
that “most” in the U.S do. In some countries their houses are 3-sides lean-tos
because the families can’t afford to get a house built, so they put up what is
needed. They don’t have a lot of things (cars, money, toys, etc.), yet they say
they’re happy. The message being that happiness is a state of mind and nothing
more. Yeah, it’s a state of mind, but the happier people seemed to have more
people around them, like family. I suppose it’s not the amount of people one
has around them as long as the ones that are, are people you enjoy being
around. That would definitely explain why I was happy in Missouri, even though
there weren’t a lot of people around me. The people who were around are the
ones who made me happy. Unfortunately, the person who made me happiest wasn’t
as happy as I was. Now that I’m here I have to find a way to make myself happy,
and I’m having trouble maintaining happy feelings for more than a day or two. I’m
working on it. I try and meditate every day. I did forget yesterday though. I’m
also trying to do more things during the day that make me happy vs. things that
don’t. The goal being that the ones that make me happy are on a longer list.
No, I don’t make an actual list. One thing that is suggested is to write down
five things every day that you’re thankful for and/or make you happy, which I
did yesterday.

Anyway, something that a lot of people on the documentaries said
was that they were busy all the time. The trick being that they were always
doing something which triggered happiness hormones. It’s said that one way to
get more of those into your system is by helping other people. It has to do
with feeling that someone outside of yourself is more important than you. I
guess it kind of forces you to stop thinking only of yourself, which in turn
lets you forget about whatever’s making you unhappy.

About the staying busy all the time. I actually do. I
guess I need to stop thinking about whether the things are considered important
to other people. As long as I did them because I thought they were important is
all that matters. I think that’s my biggest issue, wondering if I’m the only
one that thinks I’m doing important enough things. But see, if my only purpose
is to be happy, and the only person who can do that is me, how will I justify
worrying more about me than others? Again, why do I find it necessary to need
to justify anything? You know, the whole “selfishness is bad” thing? Everyone
needs to be a little selfish though, else they won’t be happy. Hmm… that’s
true! So think of yourself enough to be happy then you’ll have enough happiness
to share. One of the messages is that people are always asking, “Why is life so
hard?” Allegedly the answer is, “It doesn’t have to be. You just need to change
the way you think and believe you deserve everything you want and you’ll have
everything you need.” The power of intention.

Then I start to
wonder why I can’t seem to do/have all that without drugs (prescription or
otherwise). Like maybe my brain is just so screwed up that I just need to
accept life as it is and stop worrying about how it can be better, because I
can’t seem to believe I am strong enough to cause long-term change of my brain.
Though there are supposedly studies out there that prove thought alone can
physically change a brain. So what is needed is self-confidence. Or hypnosis in
my case? Maybe brain surgery is my only hope.