AstroTurfNow we've got artificial flavors and artificial snow Imitation mayonnaise, false teeth and you knowYou've got artificial colors in your food and for your hairBut that artificial grass is just too much for me to bear

If Abner Doubleday was alive, he’d be aghastIf he went into a baseball game and didn't see no grassJust a big green carpet with some fancy white linesA little bit of dirt and those metric signs

I don't want nothin' 'neath my feet that a horse can't eat so take it awayIt all began in Houston where they play the game indoorsThey built a big domed stadium but one of its flawsWas the grass just wouldn't grow where the sun refused to shineSo they ripped it out and put in the artificial kind

Utility Infielder BluesPlay me or trade me, don't care how much you paid meI'm tired of getting splinters and thinking ’bout my wintersI've only been up three times since June. I can still swing the bat and I'm quick as a catI can make that double play, so what do you say? Have a little heart and give me a start real soon

I wanna spit on the field and argue with the umpires, chase after balls and run into wallsWanna get my uniform full of dirt and get a standing ovation when I get hurt

I wanna wear sun glasses, uses rosin and pine tar, dive on the ground, have meetings on the moundThrow my helmet like the superstars do and hold up the game while I tie my shoe

And I swear I ain't lyin' when I say I ain't afraid of Nolan RyanLefties, righties, y'know that I can hit them allI'm leaning on these dugout steps just waiting for your callI'm gonna have to learn how to knit if you keep making me sit

Wait Until Next YearThis was the best damn team that I ever did see. It had strength up the middleIt had power and speed. Most of the season they could do no wrongBut when October rolled around, it was the same old song

Wait until next year , wait until next year . Exactly what went wrong is all too clearSo near and so far, close but no cigar. It’s a long, long way 'til opening day and the winter’s getting nearHave another beer and wait until next year

We all thought it was a piece of cake, that 12-game lead at the All-Star breakBut the pitching was lousy and the hitting got worse and the next thing I knew we were out of first

The clouts of the summer became the outs of the fall. That baseball team made fools of us allThey squandered that lead and it didn't take long and October arrived with the same old song

TradedTraded, my uniform’s hardly faded. Wish I could have made it stayin' right hereClean out my closet and get my security deposit, go and drown my sorrows n a mug of beer

I’d love to come to Boston and play for Mr. Yawkey, Montreal’s real nice and I’d even take MilwaukeeBut six months in Philly, that’s not what I bargained forI guess it could've been worse, it could have been Cleveland or Baltimore

Blasted in the BleachersWalkin' down to Jersey Street on a scorching summer dayHeading off to Fenway Park, that’s where the Red Sox playThe clock in Kenmore Square says almost 2We’re gonna sit way out in center field and this is what we'll do

Let's go get blasted in the bleachers, act insaneThe sun, some beer and all those people, we can even watch the gameI don't need no runs or hits just a six pack of Schlitz. Win or lose, we’ll feel the same, it's only a game

The stands are filling up and baby so am I. The batter hits a grounder but I’m flying highThere's a double play, a stolen base, a fastball up and in and the batter he breaks his batI'll drink to that

The pitcher's warming up and baby, I am too. The batter loosens up and man, that's just what I doThere's a mighty swing, a long fly ball, a home run. As he rounds the bases, he tips his hat. I'll drink to that

Don’t say we ain't good fans. We even clean up our cansWhen the seventh inning stretch comes, we try to stand upWe're always nice and friendly and never throw our cups

The bases are loaded and so am I. There’s a screamin' line drive and I can hear it cryThere's a close play out at third and the coach jumps up and down and yells like a spoiled bratI'll drink to that