There are a few different kinds of moths. There are the gigantic flappy terrifying moths that hurl their bodies into light bulbs, windows, walls and passers by, which seems to be the only thing they are good at. Then there are the epicurean moths that feast on bits of wheat germ and grains. And there are fashionable moths that nest, eat and crap in pretty much anything. The last two species described are excellent at their jobs. They are dedicated, disgusting and efficient.

I think I was in denial for the past year. Despite holes in cashmere and an increase in sitings, it wasn't until a literally moth eaten cow skin rug was found that the heavy denial really kicked in. That new stage of denial lasted approximately a month. Then one day when I decided to make cookies and hauled out the brown sugar only to find squirming larva all the way through it. I could ignore the problem no longer. I immediately began pitching dry goods. At first checking the contents of each item, until I began feeling nauseous and just started blindly throwing away everything in the pantry.

Next it was time to go through the out of season woollen bins in the closets. This wasn't going to be as simple as pitching rolled oats. This required finesse. Over the span of two days there were roughly 10 loads of laundry done. There were several bathtubs filled with scalding water to drown babies and sterilize large items. There was actual nit picking done. Except the nits were in fact cocoons and larvae. With rubber gloves up to my elbows I'd individually pick bits of moth excrement off of precious articles of clothing. It's true moths only eat wool, the bad news is; they nest in bloody well anything. Cotton, synthetics, straw, you name it.

I'm scared to go into the storage unit. I know it's a building infestation. And I fear the fallout is going to be huge. Regardless of the type of moth they are basically flying silver fish. Except thank Christ they are much less speedy than silver fish. However when you kill either they turn to dust. This is creepy. So hurray, moths are easily killed when spotted. However they are sneaky and little and can hide places.

The final step was to strategically set up little sticky pheromone laced tents around the flat. These are apparently designed to attract the wretched winged insects and adhere them to the pheromone-y glue lining the inside of the traps. Within minutes of setting my traps the moths came out of the wood work. They went bananas for these things. The moths appeared to be all loved up on fake pheromones and fluttered around the flat all willy nilly. I flailed wildly for about 15 minutes charging around the apartment swatting moths with flip flop in hand. That was enough exercise for the day and I stopped the masacre, unless one came within arms reach of the couch.

By bed time the moth death toll was around 22, including the few trying without much success to release themselves from the sticky traps. The apartment looked like a house of horrors with brown and black smears peppering my pristine pink walls.

In three months the traps will have worn out, and the apartment may need a fresh lick of paint, but hopefully the moths will be gone. Fingers crossed.