Follow the struggles of a Texas wife and mother of six trying to find her way North

02/14/2012

The words seemed so foreign and strange in my mind. Reading my email once again, I tried to understand how my newest assignment could possibly require me to venture into such a hazardous environment. It wasn’t as if I didn’t believe that people needed to be safe when presented with dangerous situations. I just couldn’t picture myself in a position to need protection from my surroundings.

Normally, I’m the sit behind a desk and tap on the keyboard kind of girl. The greatest threat I expect to face includes a near miss with a misplaced box or a quick stop by the first aid kit to treat a paper cut. I do not go to places that pose an immediate and real threat to my safety. Those activities and tasks are best left to the adventure seekers in the world.

Those thoughts refused to budge despite my boss’ and other members of upper management’s insistence that they considered me not only a reasonable option for the task, but the best person for the job. Shaking my head, I replayed the conversations in my mind. Yet, I fail to follow their logic.

I can relate to Moses in that moment. Not qualified to do the job, worried about how his choice might affect his family, and the need to travel far from home. While all valid concerns and arguments, in the end he still had to make a choice. Once God made His request, no easy paths remained.

While God did not speak to me from a burning bush, I had clearly reached a critical crossroad in my career. I did have a choice. We always have a choice. However, each potential path included benefits and consequences.

1) Accept the assignment with a smile.

2) Refuse the assignment and draw a line in the sand.

3) Complain about the assignment and then accept it anyway.

None of these options provided an easy solution. Each carried difficult consequences that affected both me and my family.

As I considered my options, I summarily refused to accept #3. I detest the middle ground. I have always lived by the rule that I’m either all in or I’m all out. I can’t say that it is the best way to live, but it is a path I can live with.

Therefore, my decision rested on that pivotal belief. To accept happily or to refuse firmly, no other option resonated with me.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)

Facing a crossroad in our lives is never comfortable or convenient; yet, our path is filled with them. Return to learn more about the consequences of these options and the choice I made in Crossroads – Part 2 of 2.

BTW - I later learned that PPE stands for Personal Protective Equipment…hopefully, there is at least one other person out there who didn’t know what that stood for either!

02/07/2012

“A tornado is definitely worse than a hurricane,” my twelve year old son emphatically announced from the backseat. “No it’s not. A hurricane is worse!” My nine year old daughter’s obvious disagreement resounded off the windows of our SUV as we headed home from spending the weekend at my parents’ house in east Texas. As their disagreement escalated, the other kids began adding their opinions and justifications to the heated debate.

“A tornado can crush a house in a second and pull trees out of the ground.”

“A hurricane can pull trees out of the ground too and sometimes water will cover a house all the way over the roof.”

“A tornado can pick up a car and throw it a really far.”

“A hurricane is bigger and can destroy a whole city.”

“Well, would you rather be in the middle of a tornado or hurricane?”

Silence engulfed the car for a several seconds as the unanswered question hung heavily in the air. For a moment, I let myself believe that the argument had ended without my involvement. As I released my breath, my daughter countered.

“A hurricane can even have its own tornados. Right, Mommy?”

With a sigh, I accepted that my involvement in the debate could no longer be avoided. As they anxiously awaited my response, a single thought lodged firmly in my mind. “This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard.” Trying to reach deeper, I searched for a way to salvage the conversation. I decided to take the middle ground and shared what I considered to be the obvious answer.

“They are both very dangerous and I wouldn’t want to be caught in either one.” Unfortunately, my revelation didn’t exactly bring an end to the debate and eventually a single word achieved what all other statements could not. “Enough,” I announced in my ‘don’t mess with me’ mommy voice and the car fell silent.

As we continued south down Hwy 59, I took a moment to reflect on the debate and grudgingly admitted that I’m often guilty of becoming trapped in the same type of vicious circle. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself passionately debating a topic that has no obvious winner and, even worse, has missed the point completely.

However, I’m not alone in my affliction. There are many examples of this principle scattered throughout our everyday lives and throughout history. While watching the Republican primary debates, I feel that same sense of bewilderment and frustration as I did listening to my children.

Even the church is not immune. Debates over details created the complex world of Christian denominations we live with today. Despite the fact that we all agree the Christ died for our sins, we lose perspective and often fall back into the same cycle of arguing over the details.

In the years since that fateful day, the tornado vs hurricane debate has resurfaced on many occasions in our household. The conversation always starts with laughing over the memory. Despite the unity of belief that this really is a stupid argument, the conversation quickly dissolves into everyone taking sides once again and rehashing the points. It turns out those deeply held beliefs are very difficult to overcome. Yet, the only path to contentment is to focus on the point and let go of the details.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another… Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

11/25/2011

I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoyed some quality time with family and friends. In contrast to our normally hectic lives, my hubby and I decided to stay home and hide out with our two youngest kiddos. The other four travelled to the east coast for the holiday and our extended family enjoyed other opportunities. As a rare treat, we spent the day lounging in our pj’s watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (fondly referred to as the Macy’s Day Parade in our family) and crawling around on the floor entertaining the little ones. How did you choose to spend your Thanksgiving? I’d love to hear how it went!

Today marks the end of my first series, Friday Fall Favorites. I am excited to share the insights and loving guidance of Shona Neff. Shona and I met online as we prepared for the Proverbs 31 Ministries’ She Speaks conference this past July. While I experienced fear, doubt, and insecurities, she reached out and encouraged me to relax and have faith. As only God can plan, on the second day of the conference I hesitantly approached two lovely women and asked if I could share their table for breakfast. To my surprise and delight, Shona smiled up at me.

Shona is a Christian, radio personality, passionate speaker and gifted writer. I hope you will enjoy her visit!

The Pink Bike

Traffic snaked through the orange barrels as if time had no meaning. Suddenly, while listening to the rhythmic tapping of my impatient fingers on the steering wheel, an odd sight jumped from the sidewalk: man riding a bike with a pink bike in tow.

The stop and go traffic fueled my frustration, but the man accompanied by the pink bike captured my attention as we played a type of construction leap frog: I’d pass him, and then he would roll by me when traffic came to a standstill. Although he was oblivious to my observation, we developed a friendly rapport known only to me.

I wondered why, on such a busy afternoon, this biker rider had such a pleasant countenance. Not only was he dragging along another bike while balancing on his own, but he had an overflowing backpack. I looked at him through the filter of my own life. As one who does not seek physical activities and easily develops frazzled nerves on busy streets, I marveled at the calmness he radiated.

After fifteen minutes of playing our impromptu game of leap frog he turned onto a side street. The new angle provided my first good look at the pink bike. It was a brand new bike with tags still attached!

No wonder the man’s countenance captivated me. He was on gift-giving mission despite the inconvenience of traffic while hauling the treasure. Surely a giving heart beat strong in his chest. A gift for someone else fueled the man’s ride through heavy traffic. Peace radiated.

My imagination filled in the rest of the story I would not witness. The big eyes of a giddy girl receiving the pink bike danced in my mind. I smiled at the thought of a father presenting the gift to one he loved so much.

The pink bike blessed me. We never know how far the ripples of someone’s giving will reach. Two thousand years ago a Man hung on the cross. He gave His life. His ripples bless the life of us today. A strong heart of giving beats in His chest. Peace radiates from Him just like it did from the man towing the pink bike.

Jesus offers the world the gift of forgiveness and eternal life. He is the Prince of Peace who came to safe us. He towed the gift of love among the people and down crowded streets. His gift helps us forget the chaos swirling around our lives. His is the gift of life from a loving Father made available through Jesus, the King of Kings.

As you enjoy the Christmas Season, remember the joy of giving. Whether you present someone with a pink bike or something else, wear the same countenance of peace that radiated from the bike rider. Let us rejoice like the giddy little girl I imagined receiving the pink bike. When we celebrate Jesus, the greatest gift and Gift Giver of all, be at peace among the chaos.

Shona Neff loves to encourage and equip others. She does this through her personality blog, shonaneff.com, and with aspiring writers and speakers at her StepUP Writing and Speaking website. She lives in northern New Mexico with her husband and trio of terriers and has two college-aged sons.

11/18/2011

Discouraged. There isn’t a better word to describe how I feel these days. While work has been sailing along at an impressive clip and family life has swirled with the force of gale winds, my writing has fallen to the bottom of my list. With pure determination, I have continued to fight and hang on to my daily time alone in God’s word. However, life’s distractions have held me firmly away from writing. I miss it…desperately. It is difficult to describe the peace I experience when I dare to share my thoughts, hopes and fears. While this may leave me shaken and vulnerable, I feel God’s presence as I write. With the holiday season rapidly approaching, I pray that will find the inspiration, focus and courage to return to writing regularly. Until then…

I am thrilled to share the writings of Jessica Kirkland today as we continue our Friday Fall Favorites series. She is a Christian, wife, mother of five-year-old triplets (Yikes!), passionate speaker and gifted writer. She is the Founder of Christian Apps 4 Kids and author of her blog Jessie’s House. Additionally, she has recently released her first iphone and ipad Christian app for kids: The Sounds of Night! Jessica is committed to helping young families grow deeper in their walk with God.

I hope you will enjoy her visit!

Fence Riders or Wave Riders?

He’s one of my favorite apostles. When I feel like sitting on the bench because life is too difficult, I remember him. The apostle Peter was a crazy, beautiful mess!

“But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!” Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Yes, come,” Jesus said.” Matthew 14: 27-29

How many times have I waited to be obedient, wavered in fear, and said those very words, “Lord, if it’s really you…” It’s easy to question the plans God has for us. I can only imagine that the moment Peter’s feet hit the ocean, he began to question his decision. Peter defied human physics when he chose to do the unthinkable, jump into a raging sea to walk on water with the Son of God. How many of us would have had the courage to ever do such a thing? Peter has been thought of as both crazy and brave for his out-of-the-boat rendezvous with Jesus. We can choose to remember him as the disciple whose lack of faith caused him to sink, or the only disciple brave enough to ride the waves instead of the fence.

Each day, we are given a choice: be a fence rider or a wave rider. Fence riders stay in the boat. They watch other people reach their goals. They watch other men date and marry their dream girl. They never ask for the promotion they have dreamed about at work. They simply lack the faith to make their dreams come true. They hope to be something great, but they never take action.

So, which one are you? Are you willing to jump into the vast, black sea with waves crashing all around, for a chance to go on an amazing journey with Jesus? Will you ride the waves of faith to carry out the good plans God has for you? Or are you a fence rider? Someone stuck in the boat watching other people do daring, amazing things for the kingdom of God. Life is short. In Christ, we all get the chance to make our lives count. I challenge you today, to take the leap of faith. Get your feet wet and trust that God will finish the good work He has begun in you. For His answer has already been given, “Yes, come.”

11/04/2011

Tonight is the final game of the regular football season and it is destined to be a grand finale. Despite the fact that both schools have already made the playoffs, Dawson High School will be hosting Manvel High School in a 4A grudge match that will not disappoint. Prior to loosing a heartbreaker to La Marque last week, Dawson carried an impressive record of wins and had been ranked 5th in Texas 4A. Manvel enters tonight’s game undefeated and had been previously ranked 6th. The teams are well matched. Final supremacy will be achieved on the field. I can’t wait!

Before night’s game, I am pleased to share the writings of a very, very special young lady as we continue our Friday Fall Favorites series. Ashley Divver is a bright, gifted, beautiful (inside and out!), intelligent, author of the blog Divver The Great and an amazing ten year old. This best part…she’s my daughter!

When I started my blog this summer, she asked if she could start one as well and I happily helped her set one up. Then, as I shared my excitement over starting this series she humbly asked if she could write for me one week as well. How could I say no?

The story you are about to read is hers, although I did help edit just a bit. I tried to stay as true to her efforts as possible. I think you will find that even at an early age, she has already figured out one of those things that we tend to struggle with as adults…patience. I hope you will enjoy today’s story as much as I did and maybe you will find some truths in it as well.

I Wish I Had Patience

The personality trait that I would most like to change about myself is I wish I could be more patient. Unfortunately, I am not a very patient person. I think impatient people are mean, selfish and bullies. I don’t want to be that way.

My little brother, who is 3 years old, tests my patience every day but most often on the weekends. If I had patience, I wouldn’t get mad at him as much and we would have more fun playing.

It would also make me less stressed and I would be kinder to others. For example, I could be nicer to others when we are in line at school. Instead of yelling at them that they can’t cut in front of me, I can calmly explain that they need to go to the end of the line to be fair to everyone.

My step dad is very patient. I admire that because he is easy going and always cool about everything. I wish I was that way. I would be more fun to hand out with and others wouldn’t be annoyed with me.

Changing will be hard.

Maybe next time I get impatient, I can count quietly to myself or tap my foot. When dealing with my little brother, I could talk to him about what he did wrong when he gets in trouble instead of putting him in a time out.

I also want to be patient to make God happy.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 (NASB)

11/02/2011

The weekend’s activities beaconed to me as I prepared for my final meeting of the day. Sports, church, and other commitments danced through my mind as I considered the logistics of getting everyone where they needed to be and when they needed to be there. Despite my desire to get started on all those activities, a couple of hours reminded in the day. Luckily, my Friday afternoon appointment included discussing resourcing concerns with one of my favorite people in and out of the workplace.

As she entered my office and closed the door, I smiled broadly. With such similar lives and personalities, we are able to cover multiple topics is rapid succession. We think quickly on our feet, manage multiple activities, have a gaggle of kids at home, and have walked through the fire of divorce to find our wonderful and amazing husbands on the other side. I knew our little chat would help time move by more quickly.

Throwing in a bit of small talk before we got down to business, we shared our weekend plans and some recent struggles with difficult teenage boys. Suddenly, she revealed a secret that left my jaw hanging open and my mind struggling to understand. All other thoughts fled quickly from my mind. Speechless (which is excessively rare for me!), I simply stared despite the fact that my response only made her more uncomfortable.

For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open. Mark 4:22 (NIV)

The Announcement

“I have cancer.” Her statement overwhelmed my senses and my thoughts swirled. Finally, I stuttered, “When did you find out?” Slowly, she admitted that she had known for over a week. I thought back to the nice lunch we shared just a few days ago away from the office and the fact that she hadn’t given me any indication that she faced a life changing event. I had difficulty wrapping my mind around the discrepancy between her announcement and her behavior.

“Are you okay?” The question felt so inadequate for her condition. Of course she wasn’t okay! I immediately regretted the question. Yet, I didn’t have anything better to offer. Where were all of my eloquent words and quick thoughts? Had all reason fled me?

“I’m actually doing okay.” I considered that for a moment and then remembered the reason I like her so much and related to her so easily. She was just like me.

Not that I’ve ever faced a similar situation, but my husband will testify that I’m amazing with the big things. It’s the little daily annoyances that push me to my breaking point. I felt reasonably certain that I my reaction to such a discovery would be very similar.

Accepting that fact allowed me to relax a bit and curiosity replace shock. “How did you find out?” I wondered out loud. Unperturbed by my question, she thoughtfully shared her unbelievable story.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God. Mark 10:27 (NIV)

Return next week as I reveal the shocking turn of events that surrounded her discovery in “Life Changing – Part 2 of 3”.

10/31/2011

Happy Halloween! I have to admit that I am rather fond of this holiday despite the witches, dark magic and malicious pranks that can spoil the innocent fun of the season. As in years past, tonight’s festivities will bring out the best in our community. With cool temperatures and no rain is sight, neighbors will pour out into the streets offering warm greetings and broad smiles as small children pumped full of sugar and excitement run quickly from door to door collecting their treasure.

Our kids have been planning for tonight’s activities for weeks…maybe months! Costumes have been chosen with care and strategic plans have been made for collecting candy. After all, there are only a limited number of treat seeking hours and many houses to reach. Such a complex endeavor can only be tackled with hours of planning and coordinated precision. (So, why can’t they display this level of effort and resourcefulness to their schoolwork?)

While the older kids chose their costume with only limited input from us (such as restricting risqué or grotesque outfits!), the little ones remain at our…okay, my…mercy. Dressing the kids up in various costumes is one of my favorite parts of Halloween! This year, the baby is dressed up as the cutest little duckling you ever saw! She is still a bit unsteady on her feet, which provides the perfect little waddle. Plus the duck tail softens those occasional falls. My toddler became my little knight in shining armor. Of course, it’s the sword that won him over. For some reason a scene from Never Been Kissed jumps to mind. When asks what character he is dressed as, he admits that he doesn’t know but proudly announces that he gets to carry a sword.

As we prepared for the night’s festivities, a recent chat with my mother-in-law rested pleasantly at the front of my mind. She had shared a lesson that her church had distributed about Halloween. I loved the symbols that the unknown author used and modified it a bit to fit better with the lesson I wanted to share with my children. I hope you will enjoy it as well.

God’s Jack-o-Lantern

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up, takes you in and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, greed and bitterness. Then He carves you a new smiling face and places His light inside to shine for all the world to see.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, bawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)

10/28/2011

Fall has finally arrived in Houston. A lovely cold front came through last night and brisk autumn temperatures now grace our city. The best part? Those pesky mosquitoes that have plagued us for the past couple of weeks forcing us to remain indoors and yell at the kids to “Shut the door!” are finally under control. Thankfully, the weekend looks bright and wonderful!

Today, Kelli Wommack is my guest today as we continue our Friday Fall Favorites series. She is a Christian, wife, mom, motivational speaker, writer, ministry leader, and author of her blog Unwrapping the Gifts of God. Kelli believes that everything is a gift of God and she wants to spend the rest of her life unwrapping those wonderful gifts!

Actually, I feel like Kelli wrote today's story just for me. Goodness, I needed to hear this. I hope you enjoy today’s story as much as I did and maybe you will be touch by its truth as well.

The Ministry of Presence

In my role as SERVE minister at Christ Community Church, I have the awesome privilege and responsibility of helping people find their unique ministry niche within the kingdom of God. I explain in classes and in one-on-one consultations that every Christian has a ministry. Just like our human body, the body of Christ is made up of many parts and each one is necessary for the body to function as it was intended to function.

One day, after our church services, a woman walked up to me. This gentle-spirited woman had been through our classes that help a person discover their ministry. I had met with her about a year ago and together we discussed how God had created her with certain gifts, talents, and experiences along with a vibrant personality and passion. I had given her several suggestions for ministry placement based on our discussion. She served a trial run in a couple of those ministries and after a time, found that she was still struggling with direction. I told her to continue to pray that God would show her where and how He wanted her to serve.

So, the day she approached me after the service, I noticed that she had a big smile and a feeling of contentment. She said, “I think I have discovered my ministry. But I don ‘t know what to call it. I don’t think there is actually a name for it.” I was not bothered by the idea of a nameless ministry, but very curious to hear about it. I asked her to tell me about her “nameless” ministry. She began to tell me that she had observed when she was most fulfilled, and most fruitful. She felt that her greatest ministry was “just being with people – just listening to them, praying for them, fellowshipping with them, just BEING with them.” I totally agreed with her assessment because I had been one to benefit from this ministry of hers. And then I said, “There is actually a name for that...” She was bewildered. “Really?” I replied, “Yes, it is called the MINISTRY OF PRESENCE.”

Though my friend is extremely gifted in this ministry and very open to the Spirit’s leading in her life, this is a ministry for all of us. In the U.S., we have so disciplined ourselves to be taskmasters -- to do, and to check off lists. And sometimes, in fact, many times, God is not calling us to “do” anything. He is calling us to “be” there for people. I am much more aware of this when I have traveled to other countries on mission trips. Yes, I may be there to teach at a conference, or to help with an evangelism effort. But when there is nothing on the schedule, there is still something on the schedule. That something is just being with the people – listening to them, talking with them, fellowshipping with them, hearing their stories, praying with them.

Do you have people around you that need your “ministry of presence?” Maybe it is your spouse, your children, your co-worker, or your neighbor? We don’t have to have a task to complete in order to minister to others. Let’s be present and in the moment. Undistracted. Completely focused...on them.

10/26/2011

“Would you like some dessert or coffee?” The waiter smoothly offered us our options as he removed various lunch dishes with practiced efficiency. With a shake of my head, I declined his suggestion while I tried to keep my immense relief that our marathon lunch had finally ended from guiding my response. Even though I had resisted the urge to glance at my iphone while we ate, I knew that a significant amount of time had passed since we left the office. Sighing deeply, I considered the pile of work awaiting my return. At this rate, I wouldn’t be leaving the office in time to pick the kids up from day care. Mentally, I added calling my hubby to obtain his assistance to my growing list of tasks.

Suddenly from my left, the new employee joyfully announced, “I definitely want some cream puffs!” The air rushed out of my lungs at her announcement. Seriously? In disbelief, I turned to look at her. To my right, our lovely trainer chimed in with a request for a cup of coffee. Helplessly, I glanced across the table at my only ally. The look on her face confirmed that she also found their announcements rather unbelievable. Despite being of one accord, we were powerless to influence the situation. Clearly, our departure had been delayed yet again.

“And you, miss? Would you like some dessert or coffee?” I turned to face the waiter and then glanced back at the tray of delicacies he generously displayed before me. With the battle already lost, the desserts urged me to give in. “I’ll take that one,” I confessed. Glancing back across the table, my ally’s eyes clearly expressed, “Et too, Brutus?” (Shakespeare’s Caesar) I raised my eyebrows in return and shrugged my shoulders in an attempt to communicate, “If you can’t beat them, join them.” Unlike me, she refused to give in to the temptation. How I wish I had her will power!

The waiter returned to the kitchen and our new employee announced that she needed to find the ladies room. However, instead of making her way to the back of the restaurant, she wove her way around the crowded tables and headed right out the front doors into the sunshine. My silent question found an answer in the cigarette she pulled from her purse as she passed beyond my view. Mentally, I added this unexpected action to the growing list of unusual behavior displayed by the newest member of our staff.

A bit eccentric, our new employee sported bright red hair cut short and spiked high. With a petite frame and spunky attitude, she reminded me of a fiery pixie. While our office is a rather progressive, eccentric doesn’t describe the employee base. Generally, our staff tends to be rather young, energetic, and trendy. We seem to lack the normal office fixtures such as the odd smelling cat lady or the strange silent recluse. Hmmm…now that I think about it, maybe I’m the funny smelling and rather unconventional cat lady and instead of cats, I collect children. I giggled at the thought causing the others to look up at me in surprise.

As we waited for our desserts and coffee to be delivered and for the fiery pixie to return, we discussed the rather unusual journey that had brought us to this restaurant so far from the office. Our adventure had been doomed from the beginning. Confusion over our destination, inaccurate directions, and multiple u-turns had elongated our simple attempt for a quick lunch. The trainer assured us that the ride back would be more direct and less eventful. I clung to that hope.

Thankfully, the sugar did much to soothe my agitation. However, when the trainer asked for a second cup of coffee, my ally could no longer remain silent. Stopping the waiter by placing a hand on his outstretched arm, she firmly requested the check and didn’t let go until he agreed. Her insistence made me chuckle, which earned me a stern look for my response. However, even she couldn’t deny how absurd the situation had become. Despite her best efforts, a smile escaped and she rolled her eyes.

Eventually, we did leave the restaurant and return to the office. Happily, the ride back went smoothly as promised and we chatted pleasantly about the experience. In the end, our lunchtime exceeded 2 ½ hours!

While we had originally expected to grab a quick bite to eat, God had other plans for us that day. The initial frustration and anxiety transformed into humor and a shared experience that helped to build our relationships much faster and deeper than they may have developed on their own. The other day, an employee stopped me and my ally in the hallway and asked if we would like to go to lunch with the new employee. Our unified and quick rejection caused him to take a step back. We laughed at our response and at his expression.

It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds on earth. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch in its shade. Mark 5:34 (NIV)

10/24/2011

Sitting still and chatting pleasantly became more difficult to accomplish by the minute. Although I continued to resist the urge to fidget or reach for my iphone to check the time or look at my emails, I knew we had extended well beyond a reasonable lunch break. Sending up a quick prayer for intervention and more patience, my mind searched for something worthwhile to discuss that would reduce my growing frustration at our idleness.

If you haven’t already figured it out, patience is not one of my virtues. Combine that flaw with my intense dislike for wasting time and you have developed a recipe for disaster.

I am what you would call a multi-tasker. Then again, aren’t most moms? Between work, family, housekeeping, church, friends, volunteering, and other various commitments, I rarely have the opportunity to tackle only one thing at a time. In the evenings, you can often find me sitting on the floor of my bedroom trying to catch up on my favorite TV shows (always via DVR…I just love that technology!), folding a load of laundry, entertaining a couple of little ones, and checking my email. With only a limited number of hours during the day, necessity requires that I become the ultimate multi-tasker.

On those rare occasions that I am able to focus on a single activity for any length of time, I try to choose those commitments that hold the highest priority in my life. I strongly dislike the idea of wasting precious time on frivolous tasks. This specific lunch greatly exceeded the amount of effort I voluntarily dedicated to this type of activity. Yet, I urgently wanted to support our corporate culture.

You see, my office has warmly embraced the idea that building personal relationships increases team work and open communication. It is one of the aspects of our corporate culture that I most admire. One of these initiatives includes new employee lunches. Here’s how it works. During your first week, a different group of employees takes the new hire to lunch at the company’s expense. By the end of the week, the new hire has received a free lunch each day, discovered several nearby restaurants (which is very useful since it is difficult to find lunch options in our area as we are surrounded by business parks), and most of the staff has received an opportunity to get to know the new employee on a more personal level.

At first, I considered this activity a waste of time and corporate resources. Despite my reservations at the effectiveness of such an approach, I happily attended each of these lunches during my first week. The surprise came during my second week of work. Suddenly, I realized that I already knew everyone’s names and had a general idea of what activities they were responsible for. For those of you who don’t know me well, I am horrible with names and remembering details. The fact that I could now call people by name and associate them with the correct project became a true miracle!

Additionally, staff comfortably and confidently stopped by my office to ask me questions or just to chat. While at first glance you may not understand the significance of this reaction, previous co-workers and employees would likely testify that this is a rare development. Generally, people find me intimidating and difficult to approach. Sadly, that is not by design. The problem is that I’m a very focused and task-oriented individual. I take my work very seriously and I sometimes forget the necessity of developing the softer side of my work life.

Since I don’t actually desire for others to hesitate in reaching out to me, I have made a concerted effort to soften my work image. I can’t say that I have been overly successful, but I continue to work at it. My current company’s progressive work environment provides multiple opportunities to refine my people skills. As with many of our employee relationship development activities, these lunches are optional. However, I decided to try embracing this activity as an opportunity to develop a more friendly and approachable persona.

Despite my desire to give these lunches a try, the current predicament had me reconsidering the logic of choosing this particular opportunity. I feared that my growing agitation had become clearly visible in my behavior, words, and expressions. By the time our marathon lunch finally ended, none of these women would likely ever speak to me again. Crestfallen, I tried to accept that I had failed miserably in my attempt to appear easy going and approachable.

Just as I reached the conclusion that no hope for a good outcome remained, I glanced around the table and sighed with relief that we had finally finished our meals. The waiter approached our table and I could see the end in sight. All we needed now…the check.

Looking back, I should have realized that it would never be that easy. Unfortunately, I had overlooked one remaining item…dessert.

May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. Psalm 20:1 (NIV)

With my patience already stretched to its limits, dessert threatened to push me firmly over the edge. Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? What techniques did you use to keep your temper in check? Return for “Would You Like Dessert? - Part 2 of 2” as I share what happened next.