Happy New Year! Pass the Margaritas!

Gyah. Once again, it’s springtime here in Bikini Bottom, where the calendar may SAY January, but it lies. It has been in the 70’s lately, and not that I really want a monstrous heating bill, but come ON, people! This ain’t Hawaii! If it were, the men would be better looking.

Ahem.

Anywho, it’s the buttcrack of dawn, and I am awake an hour early. Not by choice, mind you – after spending 20 minutes trying to get the cats fed and the bladder emptied (sorry, TMI, I know), my brain has been activated. I tried to lie down again, and all I could do was go through the mental list of stuff I haven’t accomplished in the last week. You know, the week where I planned to …. well, … get stuff done. You know. So. Here I am. Awake. Dangit. But bonus! You get to hear from me! Yay!

A while back I wrote a list of things I have learned about relationships. It’s a short list, since my experience in that arena is nigh unto a 6-yr-old’s, and it’s not the least bit cynical. No.

I have learned the hard way not to expect too much from people, even people you have known and loved for a very long time. People are human. They will fail you. You will also fail them.

It’s not about reciprocation.

I have learned that just because I don’t have a life doesn’t mean others don’t have one, either.

I have learned to take hints. Take that piece of gum when it’s offered. If a friend mentions a pet peeve more than twice, make sure you’re not adding to the problem in his head.

I have learned that a closed mouth and a steady smile are all people really want in a person. Don’t make things too complicated by thinking or expressing a lot of emotion. Note that I don’t always learn from my mistakes on this one.

If it’s obvious you’re not wanted, move away from the punch bowl.

Offer to help. Say yes when asked to help, unless there’s a good reason you can’t. If cuzzin’ Joe is asking you to help him move for the 5th time because he’d rather buy beer than pay rent, that’s a whole ‘nother story.

Above all, if you make a promise, keep it. If you can’t, make sure you give plenty of notice.

That pretty much sums up my Week with the Human Race. On one level or another I’ve touched on all of these in the past 14 days, ‘cept Joe is moving for other reasons, and refused my offers of help. Sometimes it’s a great big PITA keeping promises, especially knowing the one you’re helping out will let you down shortly, but there’s some stupid people-pleaser gene in me that cannot let me JUST. SAY. NO. Besides, it’s not about reciprocation, right? That’s the hardest one to remember.

New Year’s Resolutions, you ask? Not a one. I don’t keep them, so there’s no point. The only thing I really would like to change is gonna be hard, because I wish it didn’t have to: I want lower expectations of other people. I think life would be a whole lot easier for me if I just didn’t think anybody would do the right thing. That way, it’s always a pleasant surprise when they do.

But that’s just me.

Happy New Year a couple of days early, folks. Go hug the ones you love.