Like this:

After work, I’ll probably be annoyed that I posted this morning’s journal entry without bothering to edit it. I am compelled to share this in its raw form though…and I hope even there, that it resonates with someone.

DAY 11, #Shereadstruth devotional

Here I am, more often than not. Sowing the wind. Plowing through air, planting seeds of air, weeding seeds of air, and, sweating, toiling and struggling, thinking I am sincere, but forgetting something.

The WIND is an immovable force of nature, and here I am sowing into her with abandon and all-intention, putting myself in harms way ….

IN the face of God, his assurance and hope, his wisdom and beckoning call, I fail, time and time again.

I try to construct my own safety nets. I run to the sight of false hope, disguised as eternity when in reality they are temporary distractions. I hire out for myself lovers, paying them to fill the void within me, when I should be running and skipping back to the cross, where the stripes of Jesus paid everything in my name….

And, as I do so, my appetite for destruction grows to such an extent that I began to operate from what I need instead of what I’ve already received. I began to operate as a child of a temporary, fading world instead of a child of an eternal, expanding Kingdom.

Until I see I’m standing in the path of the whirlwind, her winds turning and funneling before me, swelling and growing and whistling with danger. And then, I look at my sweaty hands, my calloused palms and remember the LORD.

And in the light of repentance, I see that I’ve placed my hope in the wrong things. I see that I’ve lived so much out of my own strength until I became the mini-little g- god in my own world. Controlling, stabilizing, manipulating, shopping, laboring at the plow trying to produce security in this fallen world , sowing the wind, and working so hard to fight against the pain in this world that looms like a big dark shadow over me.

But, at the feet of Jesus, my eyes are opened and I’m so ashamed of what I’ve brought to the throne of grace that I began to fall away. And, as I kneel, bits and pieces of my broken heart, my sinful flesh began to fall and I lay before him in jagged fragments; discarded pottery at the foot of the LORD, I am….weeping and ashamed and SO wrecked before Him because NOW I can finally see and it’s not good folks.

It’s not good. One glimpse into His glory and I break like glass before His face. I can’t handle all that grace, all that mercy , all that FIRE of truth burning before me. So, I break and then I wait for his hand to sweep me away or to do something with all these pieces that are SO shattered it would require divine patience to mend.

Then, like a warm oil, I feel His hands. The hands of JESUS, who came for sick, broken people like me. The hand of Jesus, with scars from nails driven in, who know how to minister to pain. The hands of Jesus, who are imprinted with hope and mercy for the undeserving.

He slowly begins to piece me together, taking choice pieces and leaving out others. Even in the remaking, I do not fear. Even in the discomfort, I do not shy away. For I am in the builder’s hands now and He knows what He is doing. And when all that is usable is done, he sanctifies me for his bidding, filling every empty part with the Spirit of the Living God; tracing over every seamed together piece with fingers readied to forever HEAL..

And when I say, “Lord, look at what I’ve done! Look at who’ve I’ve been! I am not worthy to be YOURS”… He said I’ve made you worthy.

And when I say, “But Lord, my flesh is sinful; I am not holy!” He says, I’ve made you holy!

And what I say, “But Lord, who am I to be with you? ” He says, YOU are mine.

And before me, he shows me a cross. He shows me everything I’ve done, the sin I’ve confessed and the secret shames I’ve hidden. He shows me every.single.sin nailed to that cross, and I recoil back in shame as I SEE the face of my sin, JESUS, covered with my shame and everything I’ve ever done…

You see, even though every bible book has told me, even though I already knew, I realized I didn’t really KNOW.

But this isn’t the end because the LORD doesn’t’ leave us in grief, to agonize over what JESUS did for us. You See, this is a gift meant to be received with JOY!

And as He shows me that NOW, because of THIS, I am free, I am accepted , sanctified and that the beautiful process of remaking was because of JESUS’s work at the cross…

As He shows me that I was able to break apart before him and experience his tender hands of grace….

As He sings his song of love over me…As He rejoices over my deliverance with me …

I weep and sing and dance, simultaneously experiencing joy and agony because this is what it means to be a child of God…

Being so full of JOY that you shine like the sun, but so in agony over the destruction of sin that you burn for righteousness; this is my heritage.

And I, the sower of the wind, am now the sower of righteousness now. Planting seeds of hope and eternity, I labor without exhaustion for the LORD is REST for my soul.

Like this:

A few months ago, or maybe many months ago, I was asked to do the Wednesday night service teaching over Genesis 34:1-36:43

This is an tiny excerpt, my conclusion, and my call to allow change to seep into our souls.

GOD can bring good out of EVIL.

God is able to use the evil that people do, bringing about positive results.

God’s has the ability to overcome any obstacle; His covenant will always advance

God cannot be bought and his favors are not for sale. Instead, He has purchased our brokeness and our stench of death and mended us! With his blood, He has set the righteousness of His life in us, and he does not even charge us!

We cannot pay him or ever afford to pay him. No amount of money in the entire universe would be enough to afford His mercies. We can only give him tokens of love and worship him for who HE is to us and for us.

AND

WE can change by renewing our minds and allowing the Holy Spirit to work in us, transforming our attitudes, leading with love, not holding God to our humanistic expectations, not trying to fit God into our systems of accountability, and by not treating Him as a mercenary providing favors that can be bought.

We CAN change because the Holy Spirit strengthens us with grace! We can change because we are laid down to death with Christ and we are crucified with Him. We live raised to life and seated with Christ! And, if our God is for us, nothing can stand against us, in between us or separate us! The accuser cannot condemn because GOD is the judge and He, by dying for us, paid our debts and won the victory over death’s grip! We out of spiritual debt and get to thank GOD forever for his abundant mercies.

We can change, because we are together in this! I may be one of a few or many who do not have blood family near. You guys are my family. We are a spiritual , covenant, broken family living in a broken world, but we are bound together by the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit and united in faith, love, worship and the precious blood of Christ.

God….He does not demand instant perfection. And Hallelujah! For He leads us little by little, making inroads of our self-centeredness and doing his work in our lives one step at at a time.

For us…sometimes the best word we can give to the Lord is “thank you.” Thank you Lord!

Like this:

Release grace upon my tongue
Welling up in me
Kindness and tenderness
Be upon me
In my home
Manifest
Your goodness
Your gentleness
Through me
Release wisdom upon my heart
Curating me
Patience and understanding
Be upon me
In my home
Manifest
Your goodness
Your gentleness
Through me
Release yielding in my spirit
Mercy filling me
Peace and humility
Be upon me
In my home
Manifest
Your goodness
Your gentleness
Through me
Under God,
May we repair, restore,
Mend our brokeness
Every injury- tended
Every failure- forgiven
Every appeal- in compassion
Til there is healing in our house.