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Mastermind

The phone rings. It's Gary again. Gary wants to relive the good old days when you were trying to take over the world even though you never really got farther than taking over a Bennigan's. And sure, you ran that Bennigan's with an iron fist. No one's knocking the brilliance of "Order some onion rings or you will see your children murdered in front of you" promotion.

But unfortunately the entire Bennigan's chain went out of business. The other stores in the strip mall had beefed up their defenses by then, so when you tried to invade that store that sold Halloween costumes for pets your forces were slaughtered. Now you're living with your parents again and the only one who ever calls is Gary, who seems to think that those two-for-one appetizer coupons you paid him with are going to be worth something someday.

Why not relieve some of the guilt by sending him a Mastermind T-shirt so he can feel like he's part of a winning team again?