The NFL season is so close you can feel it in the air, and even in barbershops, as evidenced by this 49er “hair art.” I just have a couple of questions.

When did Colin Kaepernick start parting his hair on the side like Michael Dukakis? It really tames the intimidation factor and makes him look more like Nomar Garciaparra in a trance than it does Colin Kaepernick. And when exactly did he sprout Hollywood Hogan’s beard? I feel like that’s something we all would’ve caught.

I will say that “Farewell to the Stick” is a nice touch, but the effort on the stadium leaves something to be desired. Perhaps that was the final piece of the carved puzzle from a very tired barber, though the six giant pieces of cotton candy stationed outside the stadium are quite inviting.