How to Not Get a 2nd Date

I had a date over the weekend with a guy we’ll call “Dick”. He wrote to me online, and after a couple of email exchanges we spoke on the phone and made a plan to meet for a drink. He seemed like a nice enough man and I was looking forward to meeting him. Not really my type physically, but since my type is changing, I thought it was worth a shot.

My “type” has typically been tall, bald, tattooed Jews, who have spent time in prison. You may think those men are hard to find but let me assure you, not so hard. At one point there were three convicted felons on JDate and I managed to not only find them, but date them. As I get older, and perhaps wiser, what I find attractive has changed.

I like smart men, and think Jewish knowledge is sexy. Where I have typically dated men much taller than me, a man could be 5 feet tall, and with the ability to quote Torah, becomes a giant. If he is also a good kisser, loves kids, and gently lays his hand on my lower back when guiding me through a doorway, I might actually fall in love with him.

Getting back to my date, we met for a drink and he was quite nice. Good looking, on the short side, but funny and highly educated with both finance and law degrees. The thing is, we really didn’t have anything to talk about. He was not into television, movies, or cooking. He had never been to Israel, and had no relationship with his grown children.

None of this was mentioned in his profile of course, so live and learn. He was harmless, it was nice, and while not a success, a step closer to finding my beshert. I thanked him for a lovely time and went on my way with a nice hug and peck on the cheek. Cut to the next day when he called to tell me he had a great time and was anxious to go out again.

Really? We had absolutely nothing to talk about, and it’s only because I am charming as hell, quite funny, and insanely articulate, that we did not sit for 90 minutes saying nothing. This date was not a keeper, yet he thought it was great and wanted to do it again? Perhaps if he quoted the bible in asking me out, but since he didn’t, there was no way.

I told him that while I thought he was lovely, there was no romantic connection for me and I was not interested in going out again. He responded by telling me you don’t always feel a spark after one date and I needed to not be a bitch and go out with him again. Seriously? Calling me a bitch is going to get you blogged about, not a second date. Dick.

Just because someone does not find you attractive does not mean she is a bitch. It just means she is not attracted to you. You could look like George Clooney but if you have nothing to talk about then what good are you? Well, you could be a lot of good if you looked like Clooney so that was a bad example, but my point is being attracted to someone matters.

It does not make me a bitch that I was bored on our date. I am in fact a little bit of a bitch, but certainly was not on the date or the follow up phone call. I was nice and sweet and calling me a bitch is lame and ridiculous Dick. In the end you are not nice, and frankly a schmuck. We are not going out again. Even quotes from the bible can’t help you now.

I am starting to think there may not be a Jewish man in LA who can quote Torah, kiss well, loves kids, and understands how sexy it is to guide me through a doorway. Since Clooney does not know Torah, I must have hope that one day I might get lucky and come across a man who will make my heart flutter, so I am keeping the faith.

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