Friday, December 20, 2013

The reason for me starting the blog has come to an end. I will still write when I feel the need to. My babies are now 13, 5, 3 and 15 months. Our family is complete.I feel complete satisfaction with the size of our family. I adore each of my children and feel extremely blessed to have them. Our life has fallen into place. I have a wonderful husband. We compliment each other well. We fight just like every one else in a relationship does, but we are devoted to our family. We always find a way to compromise with each other. We are now settled into our gorgeous new home. It is large enough for each child to have a space of their own to get away to. I am so grateful for that. Emma has told me some of her friends have expressed a little envy of her because of her home and the things she has. I will admit that hearing that warms my heart. For the longest time I worried that she would be picked on for not having nice things, being poor. I drove he ugliest, run down vehicles for such a long time. She was embarrassed of them but didn't say anything at the time. Recently she admitted it. She didn't want to hurt my feelings before. It's not that I want her friends to envy her, I'm just glad that we are able to give her a life worth envy. With every thing in a good place, it made it more acceptable when my doctor said the "H" word. Since having Bree I have had a horrid time with my cycles. I have become anemic because of them. The anemia has brought on headaches all the time. At least five a week. I had dizzy spells and felt run down most of the time. My cycles were very painful. Sometimes I couldn't even stand up straight from the pain. All the symptoms made me very irritable. I tried to save my patience for the children so poor Bryan caught the brunt of my irritation. I went to the doctor more than once. We tried different birth control methods, hormones, nothing worked. So, last Friday I had a total hysterectomy. I kept my ovaries. No more periods. No more babies. I expected to grieve. I expected to feel regretful. So far that is not the case. I am healing from surgery, but otherwise feel great. I feel happy. I've felt an increased surge of love towards my husband. I feel OK. Maybe the grieving will come later. Maybe it won't.