I have been a long time quiet watcher of Pastafarianism, but I find it too good (and tasty) to resist any longer - and so I offer myself to join your colander.

I do have a couple of questions, mostly simple technical stuff, as follows.

Once ordained, what is the title of said Pastafarian? My grandmother is a Catholic Deaconess, for example. (Never fear, I have a massively multicultural family, adding FSMism is going to be fine. I'm not going to get hit with a ruler. Not now, anyway.) I wondered what the official title for men/women/other would be?

What is/ is there a collective noun for pasta, and does it vary by type? For example, perhaps "a fist of spaghetti" as opposed to "a stack of lasagna"? I appreciate this probably isn't important, but good to know. My partner considers this a high priority however.

I wouldn't like to unwittingly offend any FSM member - what potholes should I be aware of, faux pas, as it were?

No potholes, no faux pas. We have no dogma, loose morals and suggestions (the "I'd really rather you didn'ts") instead of commandments.

Pastafarianism as a movement doesn't mind what you call yourself or collections of pasta. Heck, it even accommodates rice noodles, and other gluten-free versions; also vegetarian and vegan 'meat'balls!

I have a fun idea: why not ask your partner to come up with some collective names for you to share here?

Oh good, I like rice noodles. And gnocci is already classified as a pasta despite being made of potato.

Extensive research into pasta forms suggests that acceptable collective nouns for a variety of pasta types would be "a packet of" or "a jar of". I feel this is lacking in romance - however, taking into account the sheer variety in pasta designs, it would make specializing a tad clunky. (Though I do like "a beach of conchiglie".)

I've wondered a few of the same questions as I plan on going down the same path. For a few reasons I must make sure I have all my info correct, one being a minister or "Captain" as I think I might refer to myself as and the other is if I'm able to present this in a legit way into the Marines I've got to be creditable..

SO.. I think I'm going with Captain for minister and crew for the congregation.. thoughts?

In the role of Pot, the minister heats up the water of life, introducing his Batch of Noodles to it, helping them lose their rigidity and inability to properly intermingle with each other.

In the role of Colander, the minister helps the Batch of Noodles by removing the hot water that surrounds them, preventing it from boiling them until they fall apart. The Batch of Noodles is nestled in the Colander, intermingling and sharing, becoming both a oneness and a collection of individuals acting in concert with each other.

Some of the Noodles in your Batch may be gluten-free. Some may be spicy. Some may be thin. Some may be bent. Some may be bowties. And once boiled and strained, they still retain these characteristics. It is the complexity of your Batch that gives it Flavor.

But if left uncooked, your Batch will be stiff, hard to digest, and unable to wrap around each other.

I've had some thoroughly entertaining arguments with certain believers of a man risen from the dead as to whether my religion is as valid as theirs lately, and being able to throw "Well, I'm an ordained minister - are you?" into the pot has been thoroughly useful.

My conversion rate is slow but steady - I'm not going to push people over the rim, because boiling water can look scary, but I'll certainly let them taste the sauce, as it were.