20. Oxbow

Photo Credit: KentuckyDerby.com

Odds: 20/1

Jockey: Gary Stevens

Let us start with the nadir of the Kentucky Derby and horse monikers. I prefer to ignore the image of an animal with a yoke over its neck and instead imagine an ox getting shot out of a bow. That image is far more metal.

19. Vyjack

ESPN informs a fairly bored contingent of horse-name lovers that this horse is named after owner David Wilkenfeld's parents, Vivienne and Jack.

While this is a respectable way to honor one's parents, I have to down vote anyone who names his horse in the same way that the media name pop-culture romances. Brangelina, Khlomar and now Vyjack. I will see myself out, thank you.

17. Verrazano

Photo Credit: America's Best Racing

Odds: 7/2

Jockey: John Velazquez

Verrazano comes in as one of the favorites, but we have to say his name leaves something to be desired. USA Today schools us properly with, "Verrazano was named for the double-decker suspension bridge connecting Staten Island and Brooklyn. Most of his owners live in the New York metropolis."

Sorry, I sort of dozed off during that fanciful tale of a bridge and the location of the horse's owners. The fact that Verrazano is so close to Vezzini hurts the contender by comparison.

15. Java's War

I am sure this name resonates well with many of you. I just don't see anything terrifying in an imaginary kerfuffle with the barista over the skim milk in your latte.

As KentuckyDerby.com notes, Java's War is out of a horse named Java, who produced a previous stakes performer called Coffee Bar. I will assume the next contender will be aptly named Orange Mocha Frappuccino.

14. Mylute

Photo Credit: IAState.edu

Odds: 33/1

Jockey: Rosie Napravnik

Yikes.

As best we can tell, the name comes from Mylute's sire Midnight Lute, which begs the question of why they didn't take advantage of the much better-sounding Midnight for the horse. Then again, I don't want to offend the lute players in the audience, who are renowned for their ferocity.

13. Will Take Charge

I am sure this name is meant to invoke a sense of confidence amid the formidable field. Pardon me, but all I could think of were athletes hitting the turf like they had been shot by a sniper. Here's to hoping there is no flopping come Saturday.

11. Orb

As the Washington Post reports, the name here means globe. I was really hoping to find out that owner Claude "Shug" McGaughey was just really into raves and dabbled in the passing of orbs in the wee hours of the night.

9. Palace Malice

Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

Odds: 33/1

Jockey: Mike Smith

I can't find any confirmation that owner Cot Campbell intended to remind us of that fateful day when the formerly named Ron Artest went into the stands to offer Pistons fans free glimpses of his fists, but that is the image that comes to mind.

5. Giant Finish

Welcome Giant Finish to the field. As ESPN reports, Giant Finish just barely made the field and had no rider as of Tuesday. With a name like that, the horse better do more than merely walk across the finish line. I need something with far more pizazz—perhaps a moonwalk trot is in order.

3. Black Onyx

Photo Credit: America's Best Racing

Odds: 33/1

Jockey: Joe Bravo

Any way you slice it, this is a bad name. By bad, I mean good, as in I heart it. If this name were a lovely lady, I would invite her to coffee and regale her with my knowledge of the Star Wars universe.

It might invoke images of the beautiful stone for you; I choose to remember the rap group that got me through my more awkward high school phase.

2. Golden Soul

A late addition brings one of the best names in the field, as it reminds me of the end of the important piece of film history known as The Last Dragon. With a name like that, I am expecting anything. Let's just hope anything happens.