Related articles

When I was in high school, I was worried or sad a lot of the time. I came from a pretty mixed-up family and didn't feel very secure within myself. I felt pressure not only to do well academically but also to be liked and accepted by the others in my class. Often I felt on the outside, and I didn't know what to do to find a way to the happy, secure life I imagined my classmates enjoyed.

I wish someone had been able to sit down with me and explain that my feelings were common among people like me, people who have learning difficulties (I have both dyslexia and attention deficit disorder), as well as people who have a family history of mental illness and alcoholism, as I do. My father had bipolar (or manic-depressive) illness, and my mother was alcoholic.

If all this sounds frightening, take heart. I am a very fulfilled man today. At the age of 52, I have three happy children whom I adore, a wonderful wife whom I cherish, and a multi-faceted job I love. I am a psychiatrist in private practice and on the faculty of Harvard Medical School, a writer, and a public speaker.

But I wish someone had told me, when I was in high school, what I am now going to tell you. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. However, no one did. This was not because no one cared. It was because most people didn't know. The average person thought of emotions like sadness or fear or worry in terms of character and upbringing. If you suffered from sadness or excessive worry this was considered at best to be bad luck, and at worst it was evidence that you were weak, had rotten parents, or both. Therefore, not only did no one counsel me regarding my feelings, I felt compelled to hide them a great deal of the time, covering them over with self-effacing humor or silence.

Worry and Sadness Are Common Feelings

What I would have liked to know back then, and what I am going to tell you now, is that excessive worry and sadness are common among talented, creative people. Indeed, it is more the rule than the exception that a person with creative gifts will also struggle with periods of excessive worry or sadness. That is not to say depression and anxiety are merit badges, but it is most certainly to say they are nothing to be ashamed of. Not in the least.

All people need to know this. Don't hide your feelings, especially the painful ones. It can be a matter of life and death. Sadness and worry can lead people to abuse alcohol and other drugs; make terrible decisions about their lives; and even attempt suicide.

Make Personal Connections When You're Sad or Worried

How do you know if your sadness or worry is dangerous? How do you know when to ask for help? A good rule of thumb is this: Never worry alone. Never keep these feelings to yourself. If you are sad or worried or both, talk to someone you trust. Then see how you feel. If you feel better, good. But if the sadness and worry persist, then speak to your parents, or a teacher, or a doctor.

What can they do? Isn't this just life? That's what I thought when I was in high school back in the late 1960s. I thought this was just "the human condition," and the best I could do, indeed what I was supposed to do, was suck it up. Tough it out.

That is a dangerous - not to mention ineffective - solution.

In fact, mental health professionals have a lot of practical remedies to offer for both excessive sadness and excessive worry. You do not have to suffer in silence; you should not suffer in silence. That suffering detracts from your enjoyment of life, your performance in school, your abilities in sports, and even your physical health. Prolonged worry or sadness can actually make you physically ill. And at their worst, they can make you try to hurt yourself.

But don't go there. There is no need to. We have help available, help that actually works. All you have to do is tell some adult you are in trouble and need help. Above all, as I said before, never worry alone.

Comments from GreatSchools.org readers

01/23/2012:

"I really need a hug right now.
"

03/1/2011:

"..if this guy is right, then I'm officially depressed."

12/10/2008:

"Hallowell is a pompous windbag, who likes to validate his understanding of ADHD by saying that he medicates his children but he gets by with coffee!
He doesn't get by with coffee! He is a walking demonstration of the low empathy and high grandiosity that is often inherent to untreated ADHD. He should listen to the real experts (not the self-promoting ones like him) and actually take the medication.
Then maybe he'll be less of a jerk.
Please spare us from more drivel this snake-oil salesman."

10/13/2008:

"Excellent information, thank you for touching on a subject that is often ignored...Dr. Hallowell, I cannot open you video as my computer needs more memory, but I will bookmark your site and return when I will be able to enjoy more valuable information..."

Thank you for submitting a review

Thank you. Your review has been posted.

Thank you for submitting a review

Welcome to GreatSchools!

Complete your school's profile

For principals and school officials, we offer a special Enhanced School Profile (ESP) which allows you to update and add information about your school, as well as respond to reviews. If you are a school official, click Continue to start.

You must agree to continue

Yes, I am an official at this school.

Thank you for submitting a comment

Please note that it can take up to 48 hours for your comment to be posted to our site. While you're here, we'd like to invite you to fill out a
survey on your school's programs, activities, and extracurriculars. It only takes a few minutes and will help parents get a full picture of your school.

You may only compare 8 schools at a time

Your account is now active

Get started now! You have successfully registered and can now start updating your Official School Profile.
The information you provide is extremely valuable in helping parents and students learn more about your
school, so thanks for taking the time!

You're almost there!

Thank you for registering as a school leader. We just need to verify your email address. We've sent you an
email - please click on the link in that message to get started editing your school's information!

Verify your email address

Thanks! We just sent you an email – please click on the link in the email to post your answers.

Follow this school

Get timely updates for , including performance data and recently posted user reviews.

Email address

Please enter a valid email address.

Confirm email address

Emails do not match.

Sign me up for weekly grade-by-grade tips and special offers in my area. Choose grades »