8:59 – Previously on Heroes, I slogged through an entire volume of this ridiculous show for you guys, I hope you know that. Also, (sigh) Hiro & Claire (sigh) got lost in time (SIGH) again, & Matt, Daphne & Ando found even more of Isaac’s magical death-transcending future-prediction sketches. Also? Sylar 1.0 is totally back & he totally killed Arthur. It was kind of awesome. Oh yeah, & the Formula was finally Catalyzed. Yawn. Whatev.

9:00 – We open in the future. Everyone’s flying. Oh wait, this is one of those annoying montages, this time of scenes from this volume. PS: the voice-over, luckily, appears not to be from Mohinder, but Sylar. The title is imposed on Arthur’s blood, soaked on the floor. He’s definitely dead…except…wait a second. Doesn’t he have Peter’s powers? And doesn’t Peter have invincibility (from Claire)? I guess the bullet is stuck in his head like the piece of glass was in season 1? Better not get him an autopsy. Nathan comes in, pleased Peter finally killed their father. Peter sets him straight & Nathan tells him how a bunch of Marines are being injected with the Formula. Nathan says that this is their plan now & he’s going to finish what Arthur started. Peter suddenly realizes what this means & the two of them scramble to their feet & Peter points the gun at his brother. Oh come on. We know you can do it, you wimp. You know, I know, WE ALL KNOW IT. Let’s get real. Stop this charade. Peter predictably gives up the gun after like five seconds, but then clocks Nathan unconscious, saying he’s wrong. Not bad, Pete. I think you’re moving slowly toward usefulness.

9:04 – At Primatech, the cold open is getting icy. Y’all, don’t be afraid to use the title sequence, we don’t mind. I need a break. Anyway, HRG is there with Meredith & Claire & Angela apparently. No, I do not remember how/when all these people came together. Leave me alone. Anyway, they run into the dead bodies of…some people. I don’t know. It kind of looks like one of them is Knox, but that doesn’t make sense at all, Knox is definitely with Flint at Pinehearst. We see a shot of Sylar & then the lights start going dark in Primatech. It’s very horror movie-ish. Bars come down to close off the window. Okay, I was trying to figure out what powers Sylar was using to do all of this & then I realized he’s sitting in the security center, with a dead guard nearby. There were guards here? Where were they when Matt & Daphne stormed in all willy nilly?

9:04 – Anyway, touché, he’s just using, you know, man-made controls. Sylar tells them over the loudspeaker that Arthur’s dead. He talks to Angela directly, looking at her fuzzy image in the security camera. Claire sees the camera & comes over to look at it stupidly. Sylar says he knows he repulses Angela because he’s a monster—hey, she looked plenty friendly earlier in the season, when she was channeling Meryl Streep in The Manchurian Candidate—but they made him this way. And by the end of the night, he’s going to show them, one by one, that they are all monsters too. …What is this? Saw?

9:05 – Oh, the eclipse title sequence of doom isn’t coming as late as I thought. It just FELT like an eternity. You know Alias used to do their title sequence like 18 minutes in? Ah, good times.

9:08 – We’re still at Primatech, where Sylar continues to talk talk talk talk talk. OMG, do something. Kill someone already. I’m so tired. Claire, who by the way, managed to do a great makeup job at some point because she looks very pretty in this scene, tells everyone about the magical counter-invincibility kill-point in the head. The group immediately commits the number one no-no in horror movies…they split up. So stupid! So stupid!

9:09 – Okay, let’s see here who in that group is killable. Obviously, Meredith. I would be very, very impressed if they kill Claire. Really, they should, because they really have hit a dead end with that character. Time to go, Claire Bear!

9:10 – In the future, Hiro is still hanging out on a flagpole on the roof of the Deveaux building. Sigh. He starts talking to a pigeon. Don’t do that, dude. You don’t know where that thing’s been.

9:11 – In the present, the dynamic trio (Matt, Daphne & Ando) are still staring pointlessly at the sketch of Hiro on the flagpole. Oh no, wait, they’re actually walking, pointlessly, to Mohinder’s lab. Wait, doesn’t Daphne know Mohinder’s gone all crazy-like? Did she or did she not see people cocooned & Nathan & Tracy all drugged up there last time she was here? Matt starts yelling out for Mohinder. Daphne points out that Mohinder’s probably in his Pinehearst lab. She says it like, hey, he’s probably just at work. Did you try the office line? Anyway, blah blah blah, she speeds out of there to find him despite Matt’s lame protests. At least she left so fast, Matt didn’t have time to tell her what a good person she is.

9:12 – At his lab, Mohinder is still dictating to himself. He’s looking particularly worse for wear these days & dictates that he’s dying & he has to give himself the Formula. Oh yes, this worked out so well last time. Put it down, says Peter, coming in & aiming a gun at him. Mohinder’s like I have to! Peter’s like no you don’t! While they’re talking, like, A LOT, Daphne speeds in & steals the Formula right out of Mohinder’s hands! Ha! That was actually kind of cool because we never actually see her, we just see the speed movement & then Mohinder freaking out. He knocks over Peter but before he can do anything else, Knox & Flint rush in & stop him. They start trashing the lab, telling Peter they don’t the Formula to get out either because it would make them less special. Aww. They’re Villians with hearts of gold. Mohinder tries the “With Nathan in charge, think of all the good we can do!” argument with Peter, but all he does is look at him hard & then knock over a tray weakly. Nathan’s not in charge anymore! You show him, Pete! Don’t hurt yourself knocking over that tray!

9:14 – Out in the hall, where Peter has stupidly not restrained not-unconscious-much-longer Nathan, Kyle the Marine shows up to wake Nathan up. Nathan learns the Marines haven’t been injected yet after all. He orders Kyle to go after Peter & stop him, but as Kyle is walking off, Knox shows up & snaps his neck. Aw. You were kind of boring & pointless, but I liked you on The 4400, Kyle! Still bummed that show got canceled. Knox advances on Nathan, telling him that he’s helping Peter while he destroys the Formula. Nathan just stands there, looking helpless. Um. Question. Why doesn’t Nathan just fly out of there? I mean, I know he’s indoors & all, but I’m sure he can fly horizontally & then go open the door & fly out vertically, right? Surely, there’s some way to work out the logistics.

9:15 – Back at Mohinder’s loft, Matt & Ando are pacing. Daphne arrives with the dose of Formula & Ando snatches it out of her hands, wanting to inject himself, get powers & go help Peter. Hey. Another question. How does Ando even know the power he’s going to get is space/time manipulation? Also? How does he know he doesn’t only have a 50/50 chance of either getting an awesome power or dying a horrible death that involves bleeding out of your eyes & mouth? Oh, right, that’s a 4400 plot again. Oh, 4400, how I miss you.

9:15 – Matt points out exactly what I just said. Yeah, Matt & I are totally on the same wavelength. Daphne points out that she & Matt both kind of got abilities they wanted…she wanted to run because she was in leg braces, she got super speed, he wanted to know what people thought of him, he got mindreading. Hmm. Semi-interesting point, there, Daph. Matt points out the part where Mohinder started growing scales & cocooning people when he injected himself. Ando, predictably, does it anyway. He collapses & Matt & Daphne watch as he transforms into the pigeon Hiro was talking to.

9:16 – Okay, probably not, although wouldn’t that be hilarious? (No. Writers, NOT hilarious. Because James Kyson Lee is officially one of the only reasons I still watch this sure. Okay? No turning Ando into a pigeon!) We’re back with Hiro in the past & he manages to shimmy his way onto the top of the flagpole (yes, he’s been there this whole time) & eventually, back into the building. He goes back to his father’s house (I guess, because he wasn’t there before, he was in the Deveaux building…so, what? He took a cab?), where he goes talk to his little kid self with absolutely no hesitation or regard for the space-time continuum. Some geek you are. Kid Hiro thinks Present Hiro is the chef still. He’s sad because his mom died. Okay, here’s the deal the two Hiros now proceed to talk a bunch, but basically, Present Hiro eventually recruits Kid Hiro to help him find the Formula on the piece of paper his father, in the future (present…or past, actually, since his father left it for him when he died in Volume 2…confused, yet?), left for him.

9:17 – In the Primatech House of Horrors, everyone is still stuck, not moving in plot, that’s for sure. Sylar calls Claire on the phone. He tells her he will let her & her mom walk out of here, but he wants her to kill Angela. This is so Saw. Not that I saw those movies or ever will. Sylar tells Claire that her father & Elle made him who he is & now Elle’s dead & her dad is probably next. Claire makes unconvincing threats at Sylar, but nobody believes her. Then she takes the shotgun & glances for like a second before turning around & shooting the phone. Annnnd scene.

9:23 – OMG, I’m already to page 3 on this live-blog. In Level 5, Meredith & HRG release the bunch of crazy killers. Oh yeah! I totally forgot Level 5 existed. Also? One of the crazy killers? Is Puppet Man. EW! He slimes at Mere before HRG tells all the crazies to listen up. Sylar’s in the building & either one of them gets him & gets their freedom, or Sylar will kill everyone. Fantastic. Just what we need, more crazy people in this building. I am SO TIRED! Oh…hang on…HRG tells Mere they’re hunting a shark. The Villians? Are bait. Okay then.

9:24 – Back at Pinehearst, Peter is still destroying the lab. Flint is still holding Mohinder’s face, threatening to light him up. Mohinder keeps talking & really, at this point, I can’t even hold it against him since it is a blindingly accurate instance of character continuality for once. Anyway, Flint eventually tires of it, since he hasn’t built up three seasons of resistance like the rest of us have, & flings Mohinder across the room, where he is knocked unconscious & shuts up. Thank you! Peter’s like, that was totally unnecessary. Flint & I disagree.

9:24 – Meanwhile, with the dynamic trio, Matt & Daphne splash water on Ando to wake him up. He does not appear to be growing scales yet. No, he doesn’t seem to have any abilities besides the remarkably excellent technique already demonstrated of passing out. Then there is a somewhat amusing, but mostly pointless scene of Ando trying to blink, saying “I am the master of time & space” over & over until Matt tells him to shut up. Nothing happens. Ando is clearly not the master of time & space. He gets upset & punches a tray, saying they’re never going to save Hiro. When he punches the tray, his hand lights up with the red electricity we saw him have in the future Hiro saw, only with much worse special effects. Heroes seem to be running low on funds for this sort of thing, huh? Cause it mostly looks like Christmas lights. (PS: Did you see the Fringeepisode relating to Christmas lights? I’m never looking at a tree for more than three seconds ever again.)

9:25 – Back at Primatech, unfortunately. Mere is going around with a gun drawn. She runs into a detached arm, fingers still twitching. It is seriously gross. Just then, a bottle rolls toward her on the floor. She picks it up against the advice I’m yelling at her. It’s adrenaline. Sylar is behind her & says that’s what she’s about to feel. She draws her gun & has it immediately TKed away. Oh, Mere. Don’t be silly & ridiculous. Just as Sylar is coming up on her, he is controlled himself via Puppet Man. PM poses him up like a puppet, saying that Mere is his to have & kill. Mere’s like, um, what? Not cool! Sylar’s like, PS? I’ve learned to take abilities without looking at braaaaains! Didn’t you get the memo? He takes PM’s ability & reverses it on him until he collapses. Meredith scrambles for the gun, stupidly since she already knows that Sylar can TK, & what she really should do is run. Sylar grabs Mere & stabs her with adrenaline. It looks extremely painful.

9:28 – OMG, we’re only at the half hour mark? I don’t know that I’m going to make it. In Level 5, HRG comes upon a dead guard & Meredith in one of the cells. She has her hands clasped together but every couple of minutes, she can’t control it & fire escapes. HRG jumps back as she explains that the adrenaline is making her not be able to control her power. Sylar shuts the cell behind HRG, trapping him in with her. The glass of the cell is bulletproof & besides, he notes, HRG will need the remaining bullet he has for Meredith, otherwise she will kill him with her fire. Then he leaves. Man. Come on, Sylar, I thought you were a smarter bad guy than that. Always stay & watch the good guy actually die. Everyone knows that!

9:32 – In the lobby, Knox is still watching Nathan. Nathan is still putting down Peter, which is kind of annoying. Throughout the conversation, Nathan is playing with a glass paperweight thing. When Knox gets close enough, he slugs him with it. There’s a struggle which ends with Tracy, still in her evil power dress, coming up behind Knox & freezing him. Fro-Knox shatters into a million frozen flesh pieces. It’s still disgusting, if you’re wondering.

9:33 – Ando can’t control his power. Something happens & Matt’s power freaks out. He spazzes as we hear a bunch of thoughts. When it stops, Daphne touches Ando to ask what he did & she pops & disappears, reappearing a few feet away, but not where Ando & Matt see her. She appears to be a few minutes in the past because she watches the same scene with Matt’s power freaking out again & herself touching Ando again & it’s really weird & this time, Matt & Ando see her. Nobody knows what the hell just happened.

9:35 – OMG, I HATE Primatech. Sylar shows Angela & Claire the video feed of HRG & Meredith in the Level 5 cell. They stupidly go after them & Sylar captures Claire easily. He pins her to the wall physically, with his actual arm. Basically he just threatens her verbally, but doesn’t really hurt her. He lets her go & she sprints to Level 5. No, I do not know where Angela went. Beats me. I’m tired. Did I mention that? Anyway, Claire can’t figure out how to get HRG & Mere out until she remembers that she does indeed have a power & simply bowls through the glass. That glass is kinda cheap. In the cell, Claire wants Mere to come with, but Mere tells her to go ahead & get Sylar. Claire says she will come back for her. As they leave, Mere sinks down to the ground, but doesn’t seem like she’s immediately succumbing to her powers. It’s kind of a lame act exit.

9:43 – Tracy & Nathan hang out at Pinehearst. She wants to leave to preserve plausible deniability. Man, you are not a senator. Come on. You’ve never actually been to Congress, you never meet any constituents, Tracy is the ONLY person on your staff besides that dude who helped pick out a chair like five million years ago. Stop the charade!

9:43 – Matt figures out that Ando’s new power is like a supercharger of everyone else’s powers. It made Matt hear like 1000 times more thoughts & made Daphne that much more fast. So fast, she broke the space-time continuum & actually traveled through time. Ando is thrilled to actually have an ability, even though it’s one of those which is kinda useless on its own. That’s why Ando is awesome. Except, wait, in the future, he used it as like kinetic energy, right? There’s hope for awesome superhero Ando yet! PS: Ando’s yelling YATTA! here is like 14 million times more awesome/cute as the last 14 times Hiro did it. Also, PS: Another question. If that is how the time travel happened, then Daphne had to be speeding at the time, right? But she wasn’t. She just touched Ando, she wasn’t speeding at all. Confused. The dynamic trio figure out the way to use this new wrinkle is to have Ando supercharge Daphne so much that she goes into the past. But wait, how will she get back? Oh wait, Ando is going with her because he’ll hang on to her as she speeds. Meanwhile, poor Matt is stuck in the present all alone.

9:45 – In the past, Kid Hiro & Present Hiro have taken the Formula from the safe when Kaito catches them. He sends Kid Hiro off to bed, but realizes what they did so he grabs the sword & starts going after Present Hiro with it. Hiro explains that he wants to destroy the Formula. He tears it in two & Kaito thrusts forward with the sword just as Ando & Daphne speed in, pick up Hiro & speed right out again. So Kaito is left with both pieces of the Formula. Ahhh. I really had no desire to no why there were two pieces.

9:46 – In the present with Matt, the revised dynamic trio speeds in. Hiro is confused. Ando explains that he has powers now. He has the hugest grin on his face, it’s awesome. Hiro says the Formula still needs to be destroyed & asks Daphne to help him to make up for her shady past. Matt manages to sneak in that Daphne is a good person for the episode is over. NOOOOOO!! We almost made it! Look, Less than 15 minutes to go! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

9:47 – Tracy is stealing the Formula from Pinehearst when Hiro & Daphne speed in. Tracy manages to call Hiro “Pikachu” (HA!) before Hiro clocks her in the face. He takes the Formula & Daphne speeds him out of there before Tracy has time to recover. See how efficient that was? Every mission on this show should just be Daphne speeding someone into a situation, someone clocking someone else in the face & Daphne speeding them out again. The whole volume would take like an hour and fifteen minutes.

9:48 – Meanwhile, Flint is STILL destroying the lab. Did these guys ever think to find the Formula? Good God. Not the brightest crayons in the box, are they. Peter gets him to help him knock over the giant vat o’ orange jello, aka the Formula. It spills all over the floor & douses Mohinder awake. Flint is ready to go, so he lights up his hands, but Peter wants to get everyone out first. Flint isn’t so much into that plan & is about to light the place up when he is knocked out by Nathan. There’s a lot of knocking out this episode. Actually, for a show about Heroes with, you know, powers, there’s an awful lot of physical violence.

9:49 – Nathan & Peter proceed to have a fight in which Peter doesn’t use any powers & Nathan just goes around hitting Peter with what appears to be a lead pipe. Nathan tells Peter he broke his heart. Just then, Flint comes to & lights up the floor angrily. The entire room, fueled by the spilled Formula, quickly lights up, dividing Peter & Nathan. Nathan appears trapped. Peter looks around & finds a syringe of the Formula & decides to inject himself, because he does stuff like that. There’s some effect & suddenly Peter runs over to Nathan, grabs him & flies out the window, taking Nathan with him away from the fire. Annnnd scene. What? So…what? Did the Formula give Peter his powers back? Or did it just give him the ability to fly? If it did, how did Peter know it’s the one he got? This is SO 4400.

9:52 – At Primatech, Angela is talking to Sylar, very much alive. She tells him he saved the world by killing Arthur. She tries to talk to her calmly but he forces her into a chair. She tells him he did everything a mother should do. Sylar goes but you’re not my mom, are you? ARE YOU??!? She says no, she’s not. Nothing. No lie detection. He says for a second there, he was sure. She says everything she said was true, he was another chance for her, because her sons were a disappointment. Man, just kill her already. The lie detection kicks in. He knows she’s lying. He starts to finger slice her forehead, but stops. She starts in with the real truth, he had an ability she needed. He was someone she could manipulate. He starts to TK choke her & wants her to tell him something that is true. She blurts out that she knows who his real parents are. His ability tells her this is true. He starts to force her to tell him, she admits his crazy mother that he killed in season 1 wasn’t really his mom. Before he can get her to just SPIT IT OUT ALREADY, Claire stabs him in the head, at the spot that really kills him. That Claire. Always ruining all the fun.

9:55 – The lockdown clears. HRG shows up, saying they have to go. Claire tells him to get Angela out & she sprints for Level 5. Meredith is there, still fighting her power. When she sees Claire, she tells her to go, trying to hold the flames back. HRG grabs Claire, saying they have to go, Mere will bring the whole building down. Claire tells Meredith she loves her, “Mom,” while flames engulf the cell. It’s actually really sad, considering these two never actually had a relationship. Claire & HRG sprint for the exit as the flames charge after them.

9:57 – Peter & Nathan land somewhere in the woods. Nathan, really ungratefully if you ask me, immediately starts ranting about how the flying wasn’t him, it was Peter & he must have taken the Formula that he was so against. Peter says he had no choice & he had to save him because he’s his brother. Nathan says that that’s not what he would have done. Nathan turns his back & flies away as Peter yells after him. Man, Nathan has gotten really unlikeable really fast.

9:58 – Oh dear, Mohinder voiceover time. We can’t get a break for once, producers? Come ON. It’s my last Heroes live-blog. Be merciful. Anyway, Mohinder blabs over scenes of Hiro & Daphne arriving back at the loft where Matt & Ando are, Mohinder looking at a reflection in a car window & seeing no scales on his face, HRG & Claire looking at the fire at Primatech. The car that Mohinder is looking at? Tracy’s at the wheel. She gestures him in. Hiro greets Ando in the loft while Matt & Daphne embrace sweetly. Matt looks up & sees…Joe the Prophet! Hey Joe! What…what are you doing here? Oh, there he goes, guess we will never know. Claire watches the wreckage & we get a close-up of her eye…annnnd scene. Wow. Wait. That’s it? Lame.

9:59 – End of Volume 3. Volume 4 “Fugitives.” Listen. I don’t think I’m going to be blogging this one. Do me a favor & fill out the poll I put up later, okay?

10:00 – We open on a limo in Washington. It’s three weeks later. It’s Nathan in the limo. He’s flipping through a book with pictures of Tracy, Micah (remember him?), Hiro, Matt, etc, & descriptions of their abilities. Nathan is telling someone that the only solution is to go to the government. These people with abilities are dangerous. He fails to mention that he also has an ability. He wants to round the Heroes up & put them where they can’t hurt anyone. Oh, Nathan, you are clearly evil. The other man who he is talking to agrees. Nathan moves to get out of the car & turns back to thank the President. Touche. To be continued.

10:01 – Next year, on Heroes, the Heroes will be hunted & captured! And executed? Jeez. Dark.

BLOGGER’S NOTE: Okay, listen. I don’t usually delete comments, but I deleted two somewhat negative reviews that called me unprofessional in my negative tone in this post. I am not a professional television reviewer, nor have I ever claimed to be. I am a blogger & besides the fact that it is my right to say whatever I want in this forum, I have also been one of the last hold-outs in defending Heroes this season, on this blog, had you chosen to read all the posts & not just this one, on Twitter & just whenever people ask me. If you read the news, you would know that I’m not alone in my criticism. No, I will not be live-blogging Volume 4, so you don’t have to worry about that. But I just wanted to point out, since I’m exhausted from lack of sleep, that I don’t get paid for doing this. Live-blogs take a tremendous amount of time. I do it because some readers have told me they enjoy it. I see them as a commitment. I chose Heroes because I used to be a fan. I kept doing the live-blog because honestly, I still am. I’m just a fan that doesn’t need negative comments on a blog post that took me two hours & seven pages to write. Thanks.

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Ha ha ha ha – love this post! I have to admit that I do love Heroes (although some stuff has been disappointing) and that I don’t agree with some of your comments, but somehow you managed to make me see the show from your perspective – hilarious! And don’t worry about the negative comments, let them be, it means that you hit a nerve – i.e. that you, as a writer,did your job 😉
I also wrote a review, and would love your feedback, so if you have a minute: http://saharsblog.wordpress.com/2008/12/16/review-heroes-volume-3-episode-13/ !

@David I hope that’s the case, since I always thought of Peter of being the special one, not Claire. The only thing I can think of for if he only got flight is if that’s just what he wanted the most, like the way Matt & Daphne ‘wanted’ their powers.

@Sahar Thanks so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it. As a writer, I absolutely believe in difference of opinion & you definitely do not have to agree with what I say. The reason I took those comments down was they attacked me personally, rather than my work. I just won’t have that on my blog. I believe in blogging what you are passionate about, & while I don’t like where this show is going, I am passionate about it & I just want it to be what I think it can be. At the same time, it is my blog, which means, at the end of the day, it’s my forum to speak my mind. I’m not surprised it took another blogger to understand that.

Amy Yen: I’m sorry those comments attacked you personally. I find it absolutely unacceptable. Have you filed a complaint with WordPress? If these people are going around harassing bloggers then they don’t deserve to be part of the online blogging community. And yes, this is something I am passionate about 😉 In any case, I’m definitely going to pull a nolebudgrl and check out your blog often 🙂 Happy Holidays!

nolebucgrl: omg, I never thought of Sylar having access to Ando’s capabilities… Maybe he will become the exploding man of season 1 and the Heroes timeline never really changed, it just had a massive detour. Ouh, the philosophical discussions I’d be able to pull out of that scenario… *drools*