Halo: Ruined FOREVER

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"Dear Sarge: kicking ass in outer space, wish you were here!"

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"In the beginning the Universe was created.This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

―Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

This game is perfect in everyway, and everything else has only ruined it.

Fortunately, there is hope. The Halo fanbase has resolved to remain ever vigilant against something that could Ruin Halo Forever, and call out warning if they see something that could potentially do so.

Ruined Forever remains a serious threat to Halo now and in the foreseeable future, though it's possible a proposed initiative requiring all Halo fans to purchase an annual "onlineoffset" could ensure our fragile brand's existence through the mid-21st century.

Author's recommendation:

Contents

Things that have Ruined Halo Forever in the past

"It's hard to help but think Bungie keeps doing what people ask and getting yelled at for it. People wanted a deeper story so they gave that in Halo 2 and people didn't like it. People wanted a powerful pistol and an MC-centric campaign, they did that in Halo 3 and people didn't like it (albeit the Halo 3 pistol is just a bad idea in general). People (not as many as for some of the other changes) wanted a toned-down or more personal Halo experience and a new character to play as and they were given that in ODST (and Reach although less so) and they didn't like it. People wanted a powerful pistol again, more atmosphere, and more challenge, and were given that in Reach, and still weren't satisfied. What was that quote from a vidoc around a year ago about spinning plates? I totally agree."

1999

2000

The Halo: Combat Evolved E3 trailer is released to much anticipation, ruining the game forever before it even came out

Third-person shooter? Get out. Just...just leave.

Gauss Warthogs? Unacceptable! I banish thee until the stars align, the time is right, and Great Cthulhu rises from his dead slumber Halo 2 is released!

Marines that can drive human vehicles? Damnit man, that makes no sense! They shall drive Ghosts, and nothing else!

Robot Master Chief? BOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bungie forges a Faustian pact with Microsoftthe Devil, becoming a part of Microsoft Game Studios. In addition to claiming their souls, the agreement denies a generation of Mac users the greatest game of all time for their superior hardware. Ah, what might have been...

2001

Halo: The Fall of Reach is released, shedding much light on the Chief's past and opening up the Halo universe to an extent which it will never be seen in the games.

2002

Of course it's released 1 year after the most AWESOME game of the 21st century is put out. Don't even lie, Microsoft. You were trolling the hell out of us.

Halo 2 announcement trailer? As in a Halo sequel? DO NOT WANT!

2003

Halo: The Flood is rushed into production, William C. Deitz’s fantastic portrayal of the Marine struggle and shedding light onto the Covenant proving insufficient for his portrayal of the Chief as a gung-ho space marine not to ruin the franchise forever.

Halo: First Strike is released, explaining how the Chief and his team are to get back to Earth after the destruction of Alpha Halo.

Why have I never seen this species before? I have never read a Halo novel, so this can't be!

ODSTs on their own planet Earth? Zis is unacceptable!

What the fuck are ODSTs? I have never read a Halo novel, so this can't be!

2004

i love bees is begun, an online advertising campaign that revolutionises viral marketing. It delivers a fantastic story, well-rounded characters, deepens the Halo universe, and is generally awesome. The final verdict? NOT CANON.

The highly awaited sequel to the original game, Halo 2 is released, ruining Halo forever even more.

Bungie change the Master Chief's armour. What was wrong with gloriously big and blocky? We don't want streamlined and smooth!

Halo 1 was perfect, so a sequel will automatically ruin everything we ever loved about it.

We don't care about the Arbiter, god, get back to the Chief! What do you mean, that's it?!

The pistol, which was perfect in every way, is replaced by the Battle Rifle.

Online multiplayer is introduced bringing the experience of Halo 2 to thousands of, depriving them of social lives or the chance to ever find a mate.

Master Chief wins the Worst Quote in Halo History Award when he says "Sir, finishing this fight."

Buggy piece of shit cutscenes? The devil you say!

2005

A website created by the Halo 2 clan BlackBoxRepublic merges with a Halo Wikia, becoming Halopedia, an encyclopedia for all things related to Halo. This ruins the Halo Nation forever, worse than anything that ever happens to the franchise itself.

So much for Spartan allies because Noble Team has the worst AI ever! Carter spams Armor Lock, Jun keeps teamkilling us, Jorge won't rush out when we need him to, Emile thinks his shotgun is a sniper rifle, and and Kat can't drive!

Everyone else on Noble Team gets epic deaths, but Kat just gets shot through the head? But every Spartan deserves an epic death! It's not like war is unfair or anything!!

Halo jumps the shark through flaming hoops and a ten car pileup when Microsoft announces a TV series. Not content with Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Steven Spielberg decides to flush the rest of his career by signing up to produce it.

Halo jumps the shark through flaming hoops and a ten car pileup (AGAIN) when Microsoft announces a "digital feature". Not content with Prometheus, Ridley Scott decides to flush the rest of his career by signing up to produce it.