Porn Companies Come to the Rescue of Theft Victim

February 27, 2013

If you had any doubt that porn and porn companies were the height of what is good and true in this crazy world then I have a story that should finally convince you.

This story is about Earlie Johnson of Muskegon, Michigan. Earlie is a 43-year-old welder, a self-proclaimed "working stiff." He was also the owner of a $7,500 porn collection that he says saved his marriage. How, you ask?

Well, Mr. Johnson says that "It kept me from cheating on my wife. There are a lot of women here who want my [expletive], but I don't want to disrespect her. So I watch porn with her permission instead." We guys know that it isn't easy being faithful when so many ladies are after our dicks, but wise man Earlie Johnson has discovered the secret to a successful monogamous relationship - PORN!

The story is about to take a dark and sad turn, but before we get to that how about we watch this very funny Jenna Marbles video called "What a Girl's Hair Means."

Back to our story, last week a dark cloud arrived to test Earlie's resolve when his entire porn collection was stolen! That's right, folks. His 40 years worth of porn movies were gone (I think it is safe to say he hasn't been collecting for 40 years given that he probably didn't start when he was 3 years old).

A horrible event such as this would break a weaker man, but not Earlie Johnson. The day after the theft he went out and bought a brand new HD 3D TV with the 3D glasses. "I will be getting my porn in Blu-Ray," Johnson said. "The haters aren't gonna stop me from collecting again." Wow! Have more inspirational words ever been spoken?

And speaking of inspirational, when folks in the porn industry heard about Johnson's situation, many of them were quick to jump into action and no one more so than Mike Kulich of Monarchy Distribution. He gave Earlie 200 brand new DVDs and two tickets to the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas.

And not to be left out of the selflessness, NaughtyAmerica, Girlfriends Films, ATKEmpire/AMKingdom.com and Exquisite Films/Juicy Video have all come forward to help. And Earlie's fiancée, Angela Morton, is also being taken care of with a couples' porn DVD package from Mile High Media.

This is a truly heartwarming story and I'd like to leave you with a few more words of wisdom from the self-proclaimed "Hugh Hefner of Muskegon."

"I want to let people know it's all right to watch porn," he said. "They need to stop downloading and go to the store and buy it."