Tag Archives: Writer’s Block

Welcome readers! Today I’m conducting an impromptu Q & A with someone I’ve known for many years and always had a lot of respect for. She promises to be open and honest with all my straightforward inquiries, so what more can we possibly ask for? Oh! You may have met her once before when I allowed her to guest post on this blog right HERE. But that was four years ago and it’ll be cool to see what’s she’s been up to recently.

As always I’ll shorten Little Miss Menopause (that’s me!) to LMM. And we’ll shorten her name to GM because she goes by Genie Meanie nowadays.

LMM — Hi! Thanks for agreeing to do this. I know your actual appearances in print are rare and you prefer to work behind the scenes when you converse, so I’m truly honored.

GM — No prob. I knew you’d never get anybody else to interview on this trivial little blog you do so it’s no skin off my teeth. Speaking of skin and teeth….yours look like they need some tightening and whitening. Oh! Would you look at that? I rhymed. I knew I missed my calling as a writer. I became an editor instead.

LMM — Oh! An editor? Is that what your official title is? I always thought of you as sort of an oddly negative Muse. But now you call yourself an Editor. Have you seen any of my recent writing on Huffington Post or Aish? by the way?

GM — That’s not writing!

LMM — I know, I know. And forgive me — this is about you, not me. Let’s talk about some of your latest accomplishments.

GM — Well as I just mentioned, I’m very active in the Author community. I’ve convinced hundreds that they’re hacks and quite a few others to throw in the towel completely. But my latest achievement has been to get you to delete everything you type for let’s see over a month now, right? And I’m dabbling a little in advertising and marketing. Remember that mantra I taught you that seemed to stick so nicely?

LMM — Oh yes. Do you mean, “I suck!”

GM — That’s the one, Sweetpea! I’m looking into getting that on coffee mugs, tee-shirts, and bumper stickers for cars, which I like to call bummer stickers. LOL.

LMM — Right. So aside from the writing community, are there other areas where you’ve had great influence.

GM — Interpersonal Relationships. You might say that’s my specialty these days. Break-ups are gratifying to instigate, but I’m actually going back to school to major in “Settling.”

LMM — Settling? That sounds intriguing. Can you elaborate?

GM — Oh you know, Settling! Here, lemme read you the first paragraph of the start-up guide for this particular discipline. “You’re not getting any younger. Look at those wrinkles and puffy bags under your eyes. But those bags are nothing compared to all the real heavy baggage you have in your life with your teenage kids, your finances, your co-dependent sister, not to mention your severe mid-life crisis. So what if there’s no real passion with this new guy? So what if he talks down to you and sometimes doesn’t show up after you’ve cooked an elaborate dinner? Do you really want to die all alone?

LMM — Oh! I didn’t realize there was a career path for that kind of a skill set.

GM — Oh Lordy, yes! You’d be surprised what niche jobs are out there these days. Since you evicted me recently, I’ve been redoing my resume, but off the top of my head I’ve been directly responsible for the implementation of depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, and even suicide once in a while. But my proudest moments of glory have been in a large, growing industry which I’ve had so much experience in that now I’m being approached to mentor others.

LMM — What industry is that?

GM — The Onset of An Eating Disorder. But you should know that, Silly. Remember how we’d dialogue? Let’s show your readers how our talk would go — just for old times sake?

LMM — Okay. But first I’m a little hungry.

GM — Hungry? You’re not hungry. You ate a huge lunch five hours ago. A lettuce salad and a mozzarella cheese stick. You’re just bored. Go to the gym.

GM — Whatever. Different strokes for different folks. But all strokes lead to you being obese! Ohhh! I like that and think it would do well on a placemat or as a screensaver!

LMM — Guess what? I lost a pound since yesterday!

GM — Time to celebrate!! I think you’re right, you ARE hungry. In fact, you’re starving you poor, disciplined little thing, You! Go eat a grilled cheese sandwich, frozen pizza, Oreos, Nutella, chips and guacamole, Rocky Road ice-cream, and then open that new bag of trail mix which you bought because I told you nuts are healthy but because there are M&M’s thrown in there and it’s the perfect balance of sweet and salty — I like to call it “Dieter’s Crack.”

LMM— Really? I have your permission?

GM — Girlfriend, you have my BLESSING. And bonus! Because you’ll have already blown it for today, you can take the rest of the night off as well and eat whatever you want.

LMM — Thank you so much!

GM — Tomorrow you’ll fast with just water and vitamin C, cuz ya gotta keep your energy level up so you can run up and down your flight of stairs two-hundred times, walk eleven miles, and do 5 hours on the elliptical. Deal?

LMM — Works for me. But that will be the last time for that routine, I can promise you that! So Genie Meanie, tell my readers who else has hired you as their coach in this particular eating disorder field?

GM — Your two daughters.

Readers: Please beware of Genie Meanie trying to seek employment in your mind or rent out a room in your head — she’s armed and dangerous. She also has a macho counterpart who lurks in male brains, so if any of my guy readers want to locate him for an interview, please post your link in the comments section.

Got writer’s block? You might want to try what I did….

An Interview with My Muse

Me: So….what gives? You’re so quiet in there. You gotta come up with something new to get me going. I never have anything nice to post like all the other Bloggers do.

Maisy Musey: You gotta be kidding me! You’ve got a closet full of Inspiration. And…. You just got Freshly Pressed. What more do you want from me?

Me:That ratty old thing? That’s been hanging in there since Valentine’s Day. Besides, it was just a coincidence they picked that one. You never give me anything new and exciting anymore.

Maisy Musey: (sighs) Here we go. And what’s up with my name? We’ve gotta change it. I can’t work like this. It’s depressing.

Me: Okay, okay – – I can understand feeling a little out of sorts after WordPress featured us. The letdown after the spike in stats. And maybe the intense pressure to come up with something else as a follow-up. But you can shake these Muse Blues. I know you can! Here – – Lemme sing you a little song — “a Muse-ical” if you will. “la-la-la – – The Muse will come out tomorrow….betcha bottom dollar that….”

Moses Muse: Tell them you have some News. Your Muse took his departure Cues after finally getting some Clues and feeling Used. He was tired of Cruising for a Musing Bruising.

Me: I don’t believe this! All my readers will jump to the wrong Musion Conclusion now. Like I’ve given you a Musion Contusion or something. Yeah, sure. Besides, you just can’t go into Musion Seclusion. How am I going to keep up with the “I’m really a witty writer” Illusion? Please!?

Sybil: Has it ever occurred to you that you don’t even have a Muse? That you just talk to yourself?? You do have a track record you know.

Me: You miserable Excuse for a Muse. You just watch. I’m gonna Peruse a famous writer’s Muse. Someone with profound, Profuse Muse Views. A Muse who won’t Accuse. Hemingway’s Muse! Now that’s a great Muse for me to Choose to Reuse!!

Ernie: (Belches) Hey man! I am definitely not the Muse for you. I’m a Male Muse. Into minimalism. Not all that girly chit-chat. Any of these sound familiar? 1. Farewell to Arms 2. The Sun Also Rises 3. The Old Man and the Sea. (And my strong personal favorite) . . . 4. For Whom the Bell Tolls?

Me: Don’t give me that Muse-o, Macho B.S. You’re sensitive deep down, I know it. You could have easily made those titles into 1. Farewell to Feminine Charms 2. The Daughter Also Sets (the table) 3. The Cold Man and His Tea. (And a terrific wedding planner called…) 4. “For the Groom Rochelle Controls”

Ernie: Okay, Miss Smartie Pants Blogger….you don’t need a muse. Just take all the classics and tweak ’em with your own little womanly touch. See how far it gets you.

Me: You don’t have to ask me twice. Go back to the Booze, Hemingway Muse!

Okay, alright. Those are awful. I admit it. I need my old Muse back. Nobody should Lose their Muse. I promise to be kind, grateful and most of all to think of a dignified name. That’s right – – I, Little Miss Menopause, do solemnly swear to attend a support group to stop “Muse Abuse.” The meetings are held in the local Museum, of course.