Musings and stories from a 40-something year old slut newbie

Month: November 2016

I haven’t written much that isn’t angry/sad election stuff. Frankly, that’s all that’s been front and center in my mind. I did meet a new guy a couple weeks ago. It was fine. He was sweet and liked strong women, etc. But the sex wasn’t anything great (I think he was nervous). If he gets in touch, maybe I’ll make time for him. Maybe I won’t. I really don’t care one way or another.

I suppose as far as news goes, Trump Hat Guy entirely predictably reached out to me on Sunday. First I saw a LinkedIn request from him. I thought there was a slight possibility that was one of those accidental requests that end up going out to everyone in one’s contacts, but an hour or so later, he texted me.

Sooooo predictable. I may have said on here (certainly to at least one friend) that I expected I would hear from him after the election. I always hear from guys at some point if I’ve connected with them. Heck, a boyfriend from when I was 23 reached out and messaged me a week or so ago b/c he was going to a football game at my alma mater and was thinking about me. So, yeah, I knew THG would contact me. And he did. I held off responding b/c I didn’t feel like it on Sunday. But did on Monday. I could have ignored it, but then he would still have some sort of power in invoking fear in me of responding. Or something. He keeps chatting. I havent’ cut it off. I haven’t decided if I will. Mostly, I’m angry at him for supporting for Trump. And he did act kind of shitty in disappearing. But I guess part of me knows we were able to talk respectfully about issues before and maybe that interests me if I can get over being exhausted by the idea. I guess a tiny part of me feels some level of fondness towards him. At the moment, that is outweighed by my anger at all Trump supporters and my fear of what comes next. I don’t know if it’s possible for the fondness to serve as an offset to my anger. And right now I don’t care enough to try to analyze that. But once again, I knew what would happen…he returned and wants more. I guess it’s nice to have that power. But mostly it’s not that important to me whether I have it or not.

AND…it’s almost like he knew I was writing this up as 2 minutes after hitting “publish”, I get a text that says “I miss you”.

And I feel sorry for them. Now, I’m sure a portion of them had some kind of policy-based reason for voting (however lame I think it is). But I think many of them voted for them because their power in society is rooted in their relationships to men. It is not independent of men. I’ve done everything I can to end that dependence in my life. Not to say a woman can’t have independent power and be married/in a relationship with a man (absolutely believe a woman can), but by completely rejecting relationships, as I really have done, I feel like I’ve gained so much more power in all aspects of my life. Men aren’t a necessary part of my life. They are interesting insofar as they serve a role to me that I find useful, but it is never a necessary and indispensable role.

Anyway, found this piece interesting. It hits on many of the same topics…

(sorry for the diversion from sex talk. My feminism and my non-monogamy are inextricably linked)

You elected a sexual assaulter for POTUS. You found reasons to hate a woman who had worked her whole life to have the experience to do this job well. I don’t know which part of this is so appalling…I can’t even list all the things that frighten me.

After 9/11, I didn’t feel personally in danger, but I felt like the world had shifted. And there was more hate in the world than I realized.

This feels like just as seismic a shift. But it feels like the hate is directed at me. And my LGBT+ friends. And my friends who have darker skin or are Muslim. And it comes from within.

I am being strong for my friends. I am organizing massive #s of people. But I am frightened. I don’t feel like my humanity is not recognized by too many and I feel like we will be raising a generation that is regressive on that front.