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Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Doing It More; Enjoying It More!

Every
generation thinks it invented sex. I
know we “free love” lovin’ Baby Boomers certainly thought we did or, at the
very least, that we perfected it. Deep
down we knew that our parents must have done it at least once (“Wait….how many
brothers and sisters do I have? Yuck!!),
but apparently all of that stopped in 1962 when this man ruined America’s love
live for the next 30 years.

Don’t take
my word for it. Here’s what Sex Therapist
Dr. Ruth Westheimer, a frequent guest on The
Tonight Show, said about its host, the inimitable Johnny Carson.

”Johnny Carson has done more to ruin
America’s love life than anyone else in the country. On any given night that
he’s hosting The Tonight Show,
there are 10 times more couples watching his monologue than making love. By the
time they’ve exhausted themselves laughing at his jokes, they don’t have the
energy for sex and simply turn out the light and go to sleep….”

The whole
“Johnny Carson ruined my love life” thing became a sort of party joke for
married couples for years. Whether or
not there was any truth to it, I don’t know, although I have my suspicions,
but, when my husband and I got married 40 years ago, we decided we would NOT have
a TV in our bedroom. We still don’t and
we still do. I’ll let you figure that
one out.

It turns
out that we Baby Boomers may not have invented it or perfected, but we’re still
enjoying it more and having it more frequently than our children and
grandchildren, according to recent studies.

In Romance After 60, an article that
discusses and debunks myths about the sex lives of seniors, Dr. John Morley,
Director of the Division of Geriatric Medicine, St. Louis University, drops
this little tidbit on our plates:

"You must realize that in the U.S.
the biggest use of prostitutes is on the day Social Security checks come
out."

Hmm. That’s food for thought!

I’m not
sure how they did that study (I don’t think I want to know.) and it’s certainly
not the most romantic quote I could have chosen, but it clearly makes the case
that the sex drive can survive and even thrive as long as we do.

A friend of
mine, a retired nurse, was tending a comatose male patient who suddenly woke up
while she was leaning over him. He was
staring down the top of her uniform. You’ll
be happy to know he made a complete recovery.

So what the
heck is wrong with our kids and grandkids?
Why am I reading that they are having less sex and enjoying it less when
they should be having the time of their lives, sexually speaking?

Does this
look familiar? How many times have you
seen a young couple having dinner and connecting only with their I-phones? Shouldn’t somebody tell them that foreplay
begins with dinner, provocative conversation and long, lingering looks over a
glass of wine?

And they’re
not even connecting in the bedroom. There’s
this from Wordlesstech.

"Couples
are spending more time looking at their laptops in the bedroom than they do
looking at each other. According to the Ikea-funded study people have become
much too attached to their laptops, to the point that they’ve started taking
them to bed when they should be cuddling.

The study
of two million Britons, including 200,000 Londoners, found couples in London
were the worst offenders in the country, with 22 per cent of people admitting
using a computer in bed."

I wonder
what Dr. Ruth Westheimer, now 88 years old and still a practicing sex
therapist, has to say about the effects of the digital age on our young
people’s sex lives.

I think it’s
time for Dr. Ruth to let Johnny Carson off the hook. At least in the old days couples in bed
laughed together over his jokes, even the ones that didn’t work, which were
often funnier than the ones that did.
They were connecting and sharing those moments in an intimate setting
and, somehow, they found the energy to create the next generation before they
turned out the lights and went to sleep.

15 comments:

Dear M-T,When it comes to the digital age and the millennial's, I have a mouthful to unload. Not only do I see the addiction to their machines while they stand side by side and clearly don't interact, but, I think the consequence will be that their children will be so inept socially that they won't know the steps that take place before procreation, and the birth-rate will suffer. So I suppose that makes the boomers the last of the race to practice the art of sensual lovemaking that isn't mechanical. Oops did I say that?

Oops, my dear friend, yes you DID say that! I loved it. Actually, you said quite a mouthful, and I agree with every word.

Social interactions have already suffered greatly and will continue to do so. Everyone lives in his own little protected bubble. We are not even venturing out much to shop these days. There's even a name for it -- "the retail ice age."

And, as you point out, the birth rate is indeed suffering already. It's dropping in Europe and we are barely replacing ourselves in the US.

Much as I appreciate the benefits of the digital age, I am more and more grateful that I grew up in a pre-digital world.

Marie-Thérèse, I'm not surprised by the results of this study! It's unfortunate how people are not learning how to communicate and connect with one another anymore (nor living in the moment). That has to extend to the most intimate areas of our lives, right? I notice it too with basic politeness. Nowadays when I'm walking down the street, if someone nearly knocks me over with their huge bags while walking, they say nothing, no excuse me or an apology ... they don't even take notice. That didn't happen a few years ago. So if people don't value connecting on a basic human level, I don't think they switch it on ... on a more intimate level. Could happen, but less likely. Communication and connection and imtimacy involves another person and it takes practice to get good at them. Practice one doesn't get when they are distracted and it's all about them!

So well said, Debra. We are long past "civility" and are into an area of total "unawareness," as in total disconnect from everything and everyone around you except that machine in your hand. They're not even aware they bumped into you, because in their world you do not exist.

It's beyond frightening if you think about it. I keep expecting the pendulum to swing back the other way, as it often does. Although I'm pretty sure I won't live long enough to see it, I do have hope for the future. Every now and then, I run into a young person who is polite and with whom I can actually have a conversation that does not consist of the usual grunts and monosyllables in response to my questions. They're out there and they need our encouragement.

A great post. I think that the lack of intimacy in the younger generations is the product of being over stretched, time poor, increasingly competitive and consequently more anxious. Unfortunately their lifestyle is evolving at a far greater rate than that of human evolution - a recipe for personal and social disaster.I am so grateful to be at my age and stage of life! Joyeuses Pâques

I, too, am grateful to have "come of age" socially and sexually in a pre-digital world. I'm not sure about there being more pressure put on the younger generations than when we were young, Elizabeth. We were highly competitive and driven and didn't get trophies for just participating. They went to the winners. I lost an all-school spelling bee once in junior high school -- missed it by one lousy letter. I was furious and determined to work harder and win it the following year. I did. Of course, I've worked hard and failed many times over the years, but always learned something valuable from those failures.

Dearest Marie-Thérèse,Yes, there is a whole lot of good communication between friends and above all, between couples, being watered down... Scary!It requires a skill, creating a lasting bond that never will go away but it looks like many don't find the secret to kindle that beyond the decades. Sad that young people value other things more.Sending you hugs and wishing for a Happy Easter weekend.Mariette

Like most everything in life, you're not born knowing how to do it. Someone has to show you or you learn from observing how others do it and then you practice doing it until you get it right. Good communication is no exception.

The following comment was sent to me by my dear friend Anna and published with her permission:

"We have never watched Johnny Carson, liked him very much and watched reruns occasionally but never got addicted to it. Actually we never got addicted to any TV show, not even to the English soap operas. Do agree about the phone and texting. It makes me so mad seeing that especially in restaurants and it happens there all the time. I do not think young couples know anymore how to have a conversation.

Good for you, Marianne. In fact, a married woman once said to me, "Don't have pictures of your children in the bedroom. That can have a chilling effect on the libido." Hmmm. I'm not quite sure if I'd go that far, but we do have a portrait of my Great-Great-Grandmother Isabelle hanging in the bedroom, and Dan did once say to me, "I sometimes feel she's watching me." LOL.

Oh, you hit on one of my favorite things to do -- quiet time w/myself, time to think about things and how I can make them better. Being creative takes time and reflection, unless you are Mozart who simply wrote out what the Good Lord dictated to him. I do believe everything he wrote was a gift from God. Do you know that he never changed or crossed out a note? Now that's what I call I call Divine intervention in the creative process. Poor Beethoven who agonized over every note and rewrote and rewrote.

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