The New Normal for the Erwin Family

Month: February 2019

He knew. Jay. His neck just didn’t feel right to him. So Monday he made the call to West Clinic. Dr. Tauer said get him in on Friday and scan him.

Many times during the week his words were, “I don’t like this.” My thought was if I could take it from you just like I wanted to take it from Trey, I would.

February again. It comes every year. The time of year that memories of suffering and pain begin to flood my mind. They never cease. It’s like a reel to reel movie that keeps playing in my head and won’t shut off – but pain keeps adding to the movie.

Today, as Jay and I sat at West Clinic, my mind went back to the old location. The first day when Trey walked in Dr. Tauer’s office, he asked Trey if he was ready to fight this. Trey said let’s go.

Today, as I looked over at Jay he asked me if I was okay. Yes. I’m okay. But I saw the look in his eyes as he said again, “I don’t like this.”

Dr. Tauer walked in our patient room in a purple pullover. Yes, purple. I had to remark, of course, he had Trey’s color on. After hugs and handshakes, he said familiar words, “Well, the cancer is back in your neck.” I felt Jay slump.

We discussed how Jay is lucky that it is just localized in his neck, but there is one place at the base of his scar on his neck that they could not determine on the scan what it is. Dr. Tauer said Dr. Fleming, the surgeon, would be able to tell since he did the previous surgery.

We made a plan for Jay to see Dr. Fleming on Monday with probable surgery, possible radiation or the chemo pill, all of which is just up in the air until he sees Fleming and Fleming and Tauer talk. Dr. Tauer joked and told Jay he has to stop this. Then, on a more serious note, he asked about Collin and the rest of the family. I spoke up, was honest about the time of year, Collin, and other things going on in our lives. He said we have had enough. We agreed. I thought, from your lips to God’s ears!!

We don’t know what exactly Monday will bring, but we know we will handle it together as we have handled everything else – and Jay’s cancer journey for the last 23 plus years.

As we walked out the doors of West Clinic, Jay asked me again, “Are you okay?” I responded, “Yeh, I’m okay. You?” Jay said, “Yeh, it just stinks.”

Yes honey. Cancer does stink. Penning a line from one of my favorite movies:

“For twenty-three years I’ve been dying to tell you what I thought of you! And now…well, being a Christian woman, I can’t say it!” Auntie Em from The Wizard of Oz

We appreciate your prayers as we continue this path. I have bladder surgery on February 15 and Collin has his regular check-up at St. Jude on the 18th.

One thing we do know, God is good and always good in times of trouble. On this we can rely.