It’s exceedingly rare for anyone to accuse me of being an optimist. In fact, I’d wager a guess that most folks who know me would peg me for a pessimist, but they’re all wrong, because what I ACTUALLY am is a REALIST.

Because, mostly, things suck. Except when they don’t.

Anyway, deep down in the darkest recesses of my cynical soul, it turns out that I occasionally wish things into existence. (No, I’ve never read The Secret. Nor do I care to. Clearly the person (people?) who wrote that wished for a lot of gullible people to buy their book.) But really, who amongst us hasn’t just hopedhopedhoped for something until it happened? I’m not saying it always works, but odds are that OCCASIONALLY it will.

I do try to hope for useful things, like for an Otto or for my child’s creeping crud to either clear up or at least get correctly diagnosed. But sometimes I hope for frivolous things, it’s true.

I’ve been wearing glasses for coming up on thirty years. THIRTY YEARS. (Holy hell, I am old.) And for the first ten years or so of that time, I would periodically hopehopehope that I could tolerate contact lenses, and I would go to the eye doctor, and I would get some lenses, and in very short order I would be fantasizing about clawing out my own eyeballs, and that would be the end of it.

Do I NEED contact lenses? No, of course I don’t. I can and do wear glasses. I’m not exactly working as a runway model, professional athlete, or in some other field where corrective lenses would be a major hindrance. Most days I just sit here at my computer and wearing my glasses is no big deal. But every now and then we get dressed up all fancy or we spend a day doing something where my glasses annoy me, and then I wish I could wear contacts.

Two years ago, when I moved down here, I went to a new optometrist and told him I wanted to try contacts again. He destroyed my hopes and left me convinced that no amount of hopehopehoping would ever make contacts a reality for me. Naturally, I wept and played sad songs on my tiny violin, and then I forgot about it entirely.

And then, my daughter got contacts. And she loves them. LOVES THEM. She can now pop them in in nothing flat, takes ’em out and cleans and stores them in about a minute, and wears them all the time; and when we got them I mentioned my eternal want-contacts-but-have-dry-eyes quandary to the optician, and she said, “Well, you know, lenses have come a long way. You should try them again!”

But I didn’t, because the voice of that MEAN OPTOMETRIST was still in the back of my brain. And why spend the money and whatever for something that’s not going to work?

Well. With all of the traveling (and hatehatehating wearing glasses on hikes and in the rain and such), somehow I got on this issue again, and I remembered that most likely, the optical center we used for Chickie’s lenses would give me a free trial pair. And if I can’t tolerate them, well, no biggie. No money lost. I’m due for an eye exam, anyway, so that’s fine.

The optometrist who fitted Chickadee was very sweet. There are, of course, two optometrists at this location. And I went in for my appointment this morning and discovered that I’d been booked with the OTHER one.

And the other optometrist? The same guy from two years ago, from a different eye place. The guy with the “you can’t wear lenses, you’re too old” routine and the sheaves of papers to back up his assertion. I would’ve recognized him anywhere, even if he didn’t still have his folder of studies with highlighted sections (which he totally did).

Fortunately, he didn’t remember me. This is because he’s over one hundred years old. So I chose my words carefully.

“I see you want to be fitted for contacts. Have you ever worn contacts before?” He asked, after checking my vision.

“Well, yes,” I admitted. “But I haven’t worn them in years.”

“Did you have success with them, before?” he asked.

“I had semi-permeable ones and my eyes were kind of dry,” I answered. Technically, this was not a lie. I actually DID have semi-permeable ones. In 1982. I conveniently left out the part about the soft lenses I had after that, though.

“Well, if you have dry eyes, you may not be able to tolerate even soft lenses,” he said, turning to his beloved folder of research studies. “In fact, the older you are, the dryer your eyes get…” as he rummaged, I decided to try being perky.

“Yes, well, she’s had SUCH good luck with her lenses,” I chirped, gesturing to Chickadee (who’d come along for moral support). “And the optician told me those Acuvue Oasys lenses are just SUPER for folks with dry eyes!”

He squinted at my daughter. I suddenly remembered that we’d been booked with the other optometrist, last time, because we were told that THIS one would refuse to fit contacts to a child under 14. “How old is she?” he demanded.

I played dumb. “Eleven! And she just LOVES her lenses and has been doing GREAT with them! Isn’t that great?” I smiled beatifically.

He actually GRUMBLED. Then he muttered something about how he would NEVER allow a child of that age to wear lenses, but then turned back to me. “Well, we can TRY a pair of the Oasys lenses,” he said, making it clear that he was doing me a HUGE FAVOR, “but if they don’t work for you, THAT’S IT. I’m not trying another brand on you. This is top of the line, and if you can’t tolerate them, you’re done. No contacts. Understand?”

“Yes sir,” I answered, trying not to smirk.

He went and fetched me a pair of lenses, and then left me to put them in. As it happens, my recent practice on my kid has left me adept in the ways of contact lenses, but I was stunned that he didn’t even bother asking if I knew what to do. I’d just told him I hadn’t worn lenses in twenty years, and all the instruction I received was “The sink’s over there.” Ooooookay.

I put in the lenses and wasn’t terribly overwhelmed with my vision. In fact, it took about three seconds to surmise that the lenses weren’t quite right. I went back to the exam chair and he peered at my eyes and made me read some letters and insisted they were probably fine. I commented a second time that I didn’t feel like they were very clear, and then a lightbulb went off in my head. “Um, are these toric lenses?” I asked.

He (of course) whipped a study out of his folder and began lecturing me about the movement of toric lenses on the eyeballs and how my astigmatism isn’t that bad and I’m probably better off with a non-toric lens.

“Soooo… this isn’t actually my prescription?” I asked.

“It’s very close,” he said, as if I’d just insulted his wife.

“But it’s not close enough. Because I still can’t SEE.”

“You can see pretty well,” he huffed. “Toric lenses have been shown to disturb the field of vision in a way that’s not significantly advantageous.”

“May I TRY the toric lenses, please?”

“Fine, but if you don’t like them, WE’RE DONE.”

Never in my life have I felt so much like I was being a huge pain in the ass to someone when I just wanted them to, you know, DO THEIR JOB.

He got me the toric lenses, and I took out the first pair and put the second pair in. My vision was crystal clear. I did a small happy dance with Chickadee before returning to be examined.

“These are great! Thank you so much!” He continued grumbling, reminded me that if my eyes are too dry there are no other options, and then told me to come back in a week to order them if I still like them. I thanked him again and we went on our way, after buying some cheapie generic reading glasses for use over the contacts.

Later I got into my car and put on my sunglasses, only to remember that, oh yeah, I need non-prescription sunglasses, too. Whoops.

I wore them for six hours today before considering clawing my eyes out, but it WAS my very first day. We’ll see how long I last tomorrow.

I totally wished this into existence! Except the part where I got the same curmudgeon for an eye doctor. And now I have to be successful in wearing them just on principle, because otherwise the grumpy old men with manila folders win.

My hearing is less than perfect (mainly in high frequencies) but my eyesight has always been better than 20/20. I need to see a doctor for a checkup on it since I turned 40, but I think I’m still good. Sometimes I forget to be thankful for what I have…when I feel annoyed about having tinnitus and possibly needing a hearing aid someday…I forget that hey, my eyes are perfectly OK. Hope your new contacts work out great for you and that you never have to see that PITA grumpy old optometrist again.

You really do need to break them in gradually – a pain, I know, but it makes oh so much difference in your perceived ability to tolerate them. They can correct me better than 20/20 with the gas perm, though they are a bit more uncomfy than the soft. Yea for seeing clearly! And rewetting drops (for in-eye use) are wonderful.

Just think of all the cute sunglasses (and reading glasses, if you need them) you can get now – for cheap! You and Chickadee should totally get matching shades.

Why no Lasik? I had it and now I can see the alarm clock in the middle of the night! (Not always a good thing.) And I can read the shampoo bottle in the shower! (Probably not that great either). And I can wear any cute sunglasses I like! (Definitely the best part.)

Nuts to grumpy old men, anyway :P
I usually wear glasses, but being able to tolerate contacts for up to eight hours can make a whole lot of difference for dress-up nights, or activities! even if you’re not comfortable with them on daily basis, occasional wear is brilliant! :)

I am astounded when I hear stories like yours. That guy is definitely an MD-wannabe. He wants to have authority and control, but is only able to insult people about their eyewear choices. Imagine if you hadn’t known what to ask for and what ultimately needed correction. What a stinker. What are the odds that you would run into him a second time???

Here’s hoping that you prove him COMPLETELY WRONG. Best wishes on the adjustment to contacts and here’s to better vision with no hassle!

What an ass. (Can I say that on the internet?) Well, I’m glad you are having some luck because wearing glasses can be very annoying when going from a cool home to a humid outdoors, or when swimming, or other such things.

I think peripheral vision is worth the occassional eye clawing urge. Love contacts so much I fall asleep in them sometimes and can actually hear the pain squicking in my eyes. So don’t do that. And for the love of Pete, don’t go back to that mean old man! Lastly, not to be condescending but I’m really proud of you for sticking to your guns with him and insisting on what you wanted. I want to try that someday!

I wear those exact lemses, toric and all. I only have astigatisim in one eye and I can tell the difference after a full day of wearing them. Don’t worry, you will get use to them. Eye drops. And they are totally worth it. Amd blurry vision? Not a chance. Remember to blink. That helps too.

Your story reminds me of the time-at 37 weeks pregnant-I had to nearly insist that my OB-of-the-week check me for dialation. “If you REALLY want me to check, I can” she said. Like that’s something you look forward to?? Sorry, dear, you’re the one that chose this field…well that’s what I wanted to say.

Hey, I think that guy must’ve moved from Colorado. I saw him when I was 18 (and he was old then) and he told me my prescription wasn’t strong enough for contacts and that all I needed was glasses, except that he wanted me to wear my glasses all the time because I couldn’t see well enough without them. I was 18 and got the glasses and never wore them because it was 1990 and the glasses were ugly. Anyway, get a better eye doctor. If the contacts work for you, you’re going to want someone who’ll work with you.

The day I got my contact lenses for the first time, I wandered around my college campus crying my eyes out. My friend asked me why I bothered. “For vanity!” I wailed. Ha! The good news is that they did eventually get comfortable, and I can wear them all day long now. (And the oasis lenses rock!)

Ooh, I am also “hatehatehating wearing glasses on hikes and in the rain and such”, and wish I had the money for Lasik.

Knowing me, I probably would have taken one look at the guy, said something like “Oh! I thought my appointment was with the COMPETENT doctor!” and left and never come back again, for fear of seeing him. Oops!

After wearing lenses for 27 years (holy hell, I’m old too), I’m having a major affair with my Oasys lenses. I kinda want to marry them, if there were not two and I wasn’t into the whole polygamy thing.

I always wear my lenses too long, around 16 hours a day. Finally, my optometrist has stopped threatening to take the lenses away if I don’t cut that crap out.

Your optometrist needs to be sentenced to reading that big eye chart in the sky.

ok, life is seriously WAY TOO SHORT to see rude doctors. if you were my friend in real life, i would badger you to make an appointment with the other one next time. and to make an appointment at a totally different clinic if they won’t let you switch. as it is, i guess i will have to settle for a comment here. (grumble complain grumble)

I think with all your positive thinking going on, you may have actually channelled me this morning, because I was JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS! I have wickedly dry eyes, but HATE wearing my glasses. Even though they are beautiful ones (sparkly Coco Chanel’s that cost more than my first car) I missed being able to throw on a pair of $15 drugstore sunglasses.

I recently switched to Encore Toric and absolutley LOVE them. My eyes stay wet for up to 10 hours and longer if I use some drops periodically. Another hint is to use the right cleaner. I use CIBA Care Clear Vision, and it makes them so wet I consider it the optical version of KY Jelly.

Oh, and if an eye doctor I WAS PAYING treated me that way, I’d pretend I couldnt see at all and “accidentally” knock him in the nuts with my purse on that way out. But that’s me…

I had contacts before my kids were born (I have astigmatism too) and loved them. Then I had kids and, oops, kind of neglected them. Now that my youngest is going into kindergarten (WAH) I want them again, desperately, and have an appointment at the end of this month to get my vision checked (I guarantee the prescription’s changed…again…) and to beg for contacts. Glad to know about the accuvue oasis and that they work well – I’ll ask for them!!

And can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use your power of good thought to get me REAL high speed?! We have satellite internet, even though our high speed is only 3/4 of a mile away, and nothing I’ve been able to do, including good thought/writing nice letters/threatening to lop off someone’s scalp at the company has managed to get us real high speed.

As a fellow member of the Dry Eyes Club, I feel your pain (literally). I would refuse to go back to that old poop, though. Can’t you request an appointment with the nice lady? Also I would complain about grumpy-shorts.

What a grumpy old turd of a man. I would have had a hard time not sticking my tongue out at him in pretest of his stick up the you-know-what ways. Good luck with the contacts. I wear the same kind and I have also have very dry allergy eyes all the time. What I found works best for me is the solution called Clear Care. Using that solution has increased how many hours a day I can wear my lenses. Love it.

Mir, I’m so torn. On the one hand, I really like you and want only good things for you and your family, so that part of me wants you to get competent, compassionate medical care. But on the other hand, your entries about your medical misadventures are so funny and entertaining….

The nice part of me is winning. Do NOT go back to order your lenses. Buy them online; they’ll be cheaper, and you’ll just have to input your prescription and the name and address of the optician, and the online contacts place will confirm your prescription with them. I haven’t bought lenses at a brick and mortar place in probably a decade.

That eye doctor sounds like an ass! I wore the Oaysis ones for a while and then my eyes decided they were too dry for even THOSE so I went and whined to my sweetheart of an eye doctor. He said that I might have an easier time with the daily contacts. I now wear the Acuvue Moist daily ones and they are pretty great. I find that after 12 hours or so though my eyes say GET THESE OUT! But I can live with 12 hours, thats for sure.

The only downside is the cost, but if you dont wear them every day the cost is not as bad. I stretch mine out a little by wearing glasses for a few days a week. (also I agree with everyone else, buy them online!)

Grumpy old men. I realize this may be a pain in the ass for you but perhaps you could just use C’s doctor who will help you find the right contacts for your vision. I’ve had a good and a GREAT optometrist, who both took the time to give me samples until the ones that fit right FIT right and I can WEAR all day and half the night if I so choose…they’re out there, those doctors. Grumpy old men….belong in movies.

My dad is an optometrist an hour away from where you (and I) live and one of his business partners works in our town. I SO wonder if he is “nice optometrist” (I know he isn’t mean old one cause he’s younger than my dad, who just turned 50).

good luck with the lenses from a girl who was legally blind without them from 4th grade until I got lasik a few years ago!

Fire the optometrist. Or at the very least never ever go back to him. I had luck with Bauch and Lomb (I know I goofed the spelling) Soft Lens 66 about ten years ago. They were the thinnest on the market at the time. I went back to glasses when I lost my insurance, but would have kept ’em otherwise. Contacts give you more options! Best of luck!

Oooh…I love this:
“Never in my life have I felt so much like I was being a huge pain in the ass to someone when I just wanted them to, you know, DO THEIR JOB.”
Why, oh why, do people who work with the public so often act this way?!?!

I looked at the comments and didn’t see anyone else recommend Systane eye drops. I have dry eyes and I was nearly ready to give up on my contacts. My eye doctor had me put them in 8x per day for 1 week, 4x per day the next, and then go to morning and evening and as needed. It has really made a difference.

What an awful doctor! I’d never go back to him. I have extremely dry eyes but have a wonderful doctor who has helped me thru it and I use the Acuvue Oasys as well. I have a whole assortment of drops that I use, especially in the winter time. One set of mineral oil drops that I put in an hour before putting in the contacts. I’m on vacation now and left the oil drops at home, but when I get back, I’ll send you the name. Good luck w/the lenses!

Luckily, my optometrist was an optimist, and promised that we would find contacts that worked for me. Still, I tried various lenses, drops and cleaning methods for nearly two years before I figured out what worked for my dry eyes and astigmatism! When I tried Restasis, a prescription eye drop, and daily disposables I hit the jackpot. Easy Peasy – no more corn flakes in my eyes. The slightly higher cost is worth every penny!! And ordering on the internet is about seventy per cent less expensive than the eye doctor.

Do every potential patient of his a favor and REPORT HIM. Sounds just like my back surgeon who knew better than everyone else (including me) what I was feeling. I hate to say it, but I’m almost glad the man died this year. Harsh, I know, but he was one of the worst doctors in the world. I don’t care if he was world-renown. He had the bedside manner of a crocodile with a tooth abscess.