In the whodunnit mystery of the century, tonight’s Bachie ep revolved around the question: “Was Matt called a dog c*nt and a disrespectful pig or no?”

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Here’s how it all went down:

In one corner, we had Abbie, who had been feeling sick to her stomach about animal-inspired insults hurled around by the pool about her shared boyfriend, so of course, told him.

In the other, we had Monique, who wouldn’t dare call anyone a pig in her life but seemed unfazed by her alleged use of the c-word on national television.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Following a stunning acting performance by Monique, who all but managed to convince Matt she didn’t even know there was a pool at Bachie HQ (and truly deserves a Gold Logie), confusion engulfed the mansion.

Witness accounts were mixed:

“They’re just bogans! That’s how they talk!” said Sogand when pulled aside by Matt.

Elly, on the other hand, didn’t hear anyone say “haha,” which is the tell-tale sign that a joke has been told.

Emma definitely heard it and will take the stand in court if necessary, and another woman who we’ve never seen before did a very good job of looking genuinely shocked by the whole situation: