Friday, November 18, 2011

I first heard of you back in late February early April...the news that you existed didn't really seem to pertain to me. I just knew that you were to be. I never suspected us to be connected, to be family.

A few weeks after I knew you were created I was texting "Elle" back and forth on the phone and she told me of your new life..that you were here and growing inside her. She was contemplating the idea that you may not have been created for her. At the same time as we were texting back and forth we both replied to each other the remark that maybe, just maybe you were meant to be for me... our texts came back to each other simultaneously. I received hers as she received mine...time stood still. The possibility of us being brought together lingered in my mind. Our responses seemed an act of divine timing..our thoughts were in line with each other, now we just needed to see what God had planned.

It was a joyous time in my life, but with reserve. I was pregnant again, and the thought of you being my baby also seemed like an outstanding plan...a bountiful blessing! Most women would be overwhelmed at the thought of two babies but I was enriched by the mere imagination of it. After losing 8 children to early pregnancy loss, I was ready to have my cup filling over.

Ilana would pray for her baby sibling in my belly...asking God to bless him/her. She called the baby her "brown" baby...to match her :) We never told her that the baby was not going to be brown, we just didn't know quite how yet. Our due date was 11-12-11, as we were so close to November 11th we claimed that day as our due date instead. We were expecting our baby girl on 11-11-11 and Elle was planned to deliver soon around that time also. How neat it would be to have such a miraculous story after so much heartache and have two sweet babies to love.

When our baby girl passed a few weeks later it was hard to think of you. I was afraid that if I spent time dwelling on the idea of you; my heart would be broken in the end. There was no guarantee that you could be mine. I put up a wall and tried to protect myself from falling in love with you. Months went by and you grew rapidly, Elle and I talked almost daily..every time we spoke she was more sure that you were created for a fulfillment of my prayers.

One day I received word from Elle that she was 100% sure..she knew God was saying "Yes" to me being your mommy! My guard started to fade, I found myself day dreaming about you..loving you in my thoughts and prayers. Elle told us early that you were going to be a "brown" baby.. The answer to Ilana's prayer as well...unbelievable.

Our 1st ultrasound showed us that you were a sweet baby boy and thriving well. We started to prepare for you and try to not focus on our past loss. Our future now contained you and how our lives would soon be intertwined. We awaiting you every day and asked God many times to tell us something special about you. Trying to name you was such hard work, as I looked everywhere for a name nothing seemed right. I continued to ask God "what is this baby boys name, what will he be like?" More then anything I wanted the Lord to define you.

One day I heard very specifically while praying that you will be a "strong willed defender of a group of Gods people." Wow! Did I hear right? Time passed by and I kept asking the Lord, "Are you sure? Did I hear correctly?" As I came across the name Liam, something sounded familiar to me. I kept the name close to me and thought of it time to time. On 2 separate occasions I had people ask me what I was going to name you. I told them I didn't know, and they replied by saying, "what about the name Liam?" Could this be the name God had planned for you? I looked it up to see what it meant. I was in shock when I saw the meaning, "strong willed defender!" Later I came across the name Crewe..it also sounded original and unique. The meaning was "a group of people." I continued to pray about this identity for you.

Elle grew closer to her due date, as time moved along so did I. Although you were to be born soon, I still ached over your sister who didn't make it into this life. I knew that 11-11 was going to be a bittersweet time. Each day inched along but faithfully kept going and so time moved forward in its usual quick-slow pattern.

On the 10th Elle called, I was embarrassingly sitting in my car..engine running for nearly 1/2 hr. I felt anxious about your arrival. I thought you would have been here by now. I was stilling there with no place to go in quiet silence. She wanted company so I left my spot in the driveway and quickly headed to her house. We passed the time with good conversation and hanging out. Unlikely enough my husband ended up in the area also and stopped in to see us before heading home. Little did we know the gathering together of us all was divine. Within the next hour we were heading to the hospital.

Labor was 4 min apart with hardly no dilation. Elle was terrified of something going wrong, her intense fear of needles was at the forefront. An ultrasound showed you to be a very big baby and by estimation they thought you were weighing 12 lbs 15 oz! A C-section was the solution. With Elle's comfort level fading, she humbly asked for us to pray. She asked the Lord to protect her while confessing her deep love for Him. As she reconnected her life to her protector, the staff was preparing for your delivery.

The scrubs allowed me to enter the surgery area and as i sat close to Elle's face, we talked words of truth and bravery. In the midst on conversation I heard a drowned out cry..a voice that has echoed in my prayers for years. I heard your voice for the first time. My heart shifted as I wanted to run to you. My position as a comforter was standing though, I stayed close to Elle as she fought off fear. I had a quick moment to peek at you, to cut your cord, and see your sweet face.

As I walked over to you my heart traveled faster then my feet. My spirit leaped to you, my child. My sweet boy..you were a sight beyond no other. God took my imagination of you and created a reality that I could of never made up on my own. You were far beyond any expectation, you were hand made and delivered for me.

Daddy waited back in the nursery for you and as they wheeled you by I heard the Dr say, "time of birth is 12:49 on 11-11-11"..God gave His gift to me while kissing me on both cheeks! He reclaimed, revived, and restored me all in one session..I have no words as I still sit in awe of Him as the mighty gift giver!

I came to see you and Daddy after Elle was situated in her room recovering. She had endured and found a strength in her she never had to use before, The Lord granted her what she requested and protected her thoroughly. After seeing Daddy was at loss for words. He spoke very little and seemed to be in shock..its the realization that we are so undeserving of such an act of love. We were just so thankful to be awarded such mercy and grace from God.

"Liam Crewe" was decided on as your name the next day, Daddy couldn't deny how it had been laid on his heart and the meaning was perfect for you! You were born at 10 lbs 10 oz, 23 inches long, on a reclaimed day. The event of your birth turned a memory of death into life for us. You are a success story for millions of women who long to have a child, a testament to how one simple day can change your life forever. You have created hope where there was none, by giving joy to a women who has lost 8 children, and by being a son to a weeping begging family. You are a voice that speaks how God hears every prayer and how He can always design a better ending then we could ever think up on our own. You, Liam, are a miracle!

We hope to celebrate with the world your birth and we pray that struggling families can see you as a reason to move forward in their own journeys....fighting hard for the things God has promised them.

Friday, November 4, 2011

One major part of our newest blessing has yet to be shared on here. As I cant contain my favorite part of this story in any longer...today I will fill ya in :)

Back in Feb. of this year I was pregnant via IVF and very excited at the possibility that this pregnancy was going to be different, this baby was going to live. We prayed every day throughout the day for life and health, and for everything to be just right. Every night sweet Ilana would put her hand on mommy's tummy and pray, "Dear Lord, Please bless my brown brother or sister." Chad and I would just look at each other with blank stares wondering how we were going to explain to her that this baby was not going to be brown like her.

In early April our baby died and telling Ilana was enough to make me madder then ever. To feel hurt myself is one thing, but to imply it upon your child is so much harder. Telling her was the saddest little moment, how she looked at us like we were lying and asking us over and over if it was true. For days she would continue to pray over my belly the same prayer she had said before..."Dear Lord, Please bless my brown brother or sister!" We would just look at each other again with sadness and heartbreak for her. How would we get her to understand that it was just not possible?

Soon after when we were approached with the adoption of our soon to be baby, we began praying again. Asking for health and safety. "Elle", our birth mother, explained to me one day on the phone, after telling her Ilanas prayer, that she felt this whole thing was from God for a number of reasons. One very obvious one was that her baby was going to be BROWN. We were ecstatic to say the least! God answered the prayer of a little girl who wanted so badly for her sibling to be brown like her. We were so pleased to be reminded that God loves us and cares about every detail. He loves for his daughters to ask Him of things and He really likes to show His mercy to us when we believe there is no possible way.

We have 6 days till Ilana's brown brother arrives...
What a long road it has been and for him it was all worth it!