The fact of the matter is that any of the kids could have done this and there is no real proof that it was nephew instead of one of the others. Cousin's mom is declaring the innocence of her children just as vehemently as oopsie is declaring the innocence of her own. So why is everyone so quick to jump on Cousin's mom when, to me, the two are arguing the same point: that their kid didn't do it. Without proof it doesn't seem fair to me that nephew is painted as the bad guy.

POD. Suspicion is not proof, and since Balletmoms thread was a perfect example of how trigger happy parents can be when they feel their kids have been unfairly accused I really wonder why posters have been so quick to jump on SIL.

Yes, I admit that it is technically possible that any of the kids could have done this (even my own) which is why, despite my suspicions, I didn't place blame on anyone or anything in my email to cousins' mom.

I think that in this situation, a response that would have been more appropriate would be something like "I'm sorry that happened. I certainly hope that it wasn't my children who did it (I don't think they would have as I raised them to know better than that). Regardless, I will have a chat with them about it just incase."

That's how I would have handled it anyway if the roles were reversed. To pretty much dismiss it altogether by placing the blame on a ghost seems like a cop out - whether you genuinely believe in them or not.

Yes, I admit that it is technically possible that any of the kids could have done this (even my own) which is why, despite my suspicions, I didn't place blame on anyone or anything in my email to cousins' mom.

I think that in this situation, a response that would have been more appropriate would be something like "I'm sorry that happened. I certainly hope that it wasn't my children who did it (I don't think they would have as I raised them to know better than that). Regardless, I will have a chat with them about it just incase."

That's how I would have handled it anyway if the roles were reversed. To pretty much dismiss it altogether by placing the blame on a ghost seems like a cop out - whether you genuinely believe in them or not.

Oopsie, this is pretty much what I would have said if I was in this spot. When she first mentioned the ghost, I thought she was joking, because I think all of us have encountered the "wasn't me" ghost. But to place full blame on one?

Yes, I admit that it is technically possible that any of the kids could have done this (even my own) which is why, despite my suspicions, I didn't place blame on anyone or anything in my email to cousins' mom.

I think that in this situation, a response that would have been more appropriate would be something like "I'm sorry that happened. I certainly hope that it wasn't my children who did it (I don't think they would have as I raised them to know better than that). Regardless, I will have a chat with them about it just incase."

That's how I would have handled it anyway if the roles were reversed. To pretty much dismiss it altogether by placing the blame on a ghost seems like a cop out - whether you genuinely believe in them or not.

Oopsie, this is pretty much what I would have said if I was in this spot. When she first mentioned the ghost, I thought she was joking, because I think all of us have encountered the "wasn't me" ghost. But to place full blame on one?

I agree. I had no idea people over the age of 12 still believed in ghosts. I figured it was something like Santa or the Boogeyman that you eventually grew out of seriously believing in.

The more you know...

I didn't start believing in ghosts until I was 22. Heck, I'm still not sure what I saw. I can tell you this - she hadn't been there a moment before, she wasn't there a moment later, and I wasn't the only one who saw her (or else I'd be convinced I imagined it).

That said I'd still be 99.9% more likely to blame any middle of the night weirdness on my kids. I have a feeling this SIL's ghost coincidentally takes a break whenever her son isn't at home. I bet, if it was him, he thought OP's household would get a kick out of the "ghost" like his mom obviously does.

I would not do anymore sleepovers with the cousins. Meet them instead at a park or the mall or mini golf or a movie==each family paying their own way of course.

If the subject of a sleepover is brought up, say something along the lines of "There won't be any more sleepovers due to what happened at the last one." Repeat, repeat, repeat. No explanations, excuses, promises, etc.

I would also cancel the vacation with this family. In the other thread you said your kids don't want to go back to dw, so that is the perfect out. Give exsil a list of websites if she wants to plan her own vacation. I would also be leery of taking the cousins with me on an extended vacation. Do stuff around your home location with them instead if you feel the need to treat them.

I actually heard the story in triplicate. Okay. So I honestly thought you were putting on an act to entertain the children and mess with their heads in a fun Auntie oopsie way. You do come up with brilliant out of the box ideas, so I'm on the fence with this one. The other thing is I don't think any of the children would have done the stuff that had happened. They might play tricksters sometimes, but they wouldn't mess with your house (hopefully). You just might be the proud co-habitant of a ghost. Nothing to be afraid of. If it were a poltergeist, you would have been attacked since the spirit is angry and lashing out. A ghost just wants to be acknowledged. You know, because I have extensive knowledge of this.

Keep me posted! And good luck!

Take it easy!cousins' mom

What the heck??Ghosts aside, she really thinks /you/ would have done all this to "mess with the children's head"? Tell me, Oopsie, do you make a habit of frightening your young son by pulling tricks and making him believe your house is haunted? "In a fun way" I did not think so. (By the way, this was a rhetorical question. No need to answer it because I don't think at all that you would do that.)

Tell me, does she really think you would ruin a perfectly good cheesecake by stuffing dogfood into it to play a trick on the kids? Or scribble on your own kitchen furniture? She's out of her mind.

I honestly think that the part of the email that blames you for playing trickster is much more offensive and ludicrous than the part about the ghost.

I actually heard the story in triplicate. Okay. So I honestly thought you were putting on an act to entertain the children and mess with their heads in a fun Auntie oopsie way. You do come up with brilliant out of the box ideas, so I'm on the fence with this one. The other thing is I don't think any of the children would have done the stuff that had happened. They might play tricksters sometimes, but they wouldn't mess with your house (hopefully). You just might be the proud co-habitant of a ghost. Nothing to be afraid of. If it were a poltergeist, you would have been attacked since the spirit is angry and lashing out. A ghost just wants to be acknowledged. You know, because I have extensive knowledge of this.

Keep me posted! And good luck!

Take it easy!cousins' mom

What the heck??Ghosts aside, she really thinks /you/ would have done all this to "mess with the children's head"? Tell me, Oopsie, do you make a habit of frightening your young son by pulling tricks and making him believe your house is haunted? "In a fun way" I did not think so. (By the way, this was a rhetorical question. No need to answer it because I don't think at all that you would do that.)

Tell me, does she really think you would ruin a perfectly good cheesecake by stuffing dogfood into it to play a trick on the kids? Or scribble on your own kitchen furniture? She's out of her mind.

I honestly think that the part of the email that blames you for playing trickster is much more offensive and ludicrous than the part about the ghost.

If this were my first rodeo with her, I'd completely agree with you. She has just said and done so many things in the past that make me furious/scratch my head/bang my head against a wall that this one rolls right off my back.

It's true, I do play inventive games with the kids (I'm the aunt who buys those "BeanBoozled" Jelly Bellys to try with all my nieces and nephews - which they love me for). However, participation is completely optional and I would never do anything that would damage property or "mess with their minds".

She clearly just does not get it...

I imagine I will be on this forum quite a bit with ex-SIL stories unless and until she finally/irrevocably gets the cut direct.