Jerk De Soleil

(Outside the Flynn-Fletcher home...)Baljeet: We’re going to the circus! We’re going to the circus!

(Kitchen...)Baljeet: I am here and ready to go to the world-famous Cirque de Lune.Phineas: Have a seat. We’re goin’ in a minute.Baljeet: Ok. We’re going to the circus! We’re going to circus!Lawrence: Well, hold your horses, kids. It says here that the lead of Cirque de Lune has a severe allergy. They’re canceling today’s performance.Isabella: Well, that’s a bummer!Linda: If it’s anything like Candace’s parsnip allergy... (huffs) ...I don’t blame them for not wanting to appear in public.Phineas: (to Isabella) She gets blotchy. Red, weird voice thingy. (whispering) Not good.Linda: Well, honey, looks like that frees you up to join me at the mall. Our trio is recording our first album today: Live at the Squat ‘n’ Stitch.Lawrence: Mmm-mmm, should be swinging.Linda: Cheer up, guys. I’m sure you’ll have a fun day anyway. Bye, kids, be good. Have fun!Isabella: It must be so cool to be in the circus.Phineas: Yeah. (snaps his fingers) Hey, Ferb, let’s put on our own cirque. This'll be great! Ferb can set up the tent, I’ll be the ringmaster.Isabella: We can sew up some arty costumes.Django: Hey, for a trick, I can put my leg over my head. … Ow. I’ll work on it.Phineas: Even Perry can have an act! The Amazing Perry!(trumpets sound)Baljeet: Ooh, I have a mystical, magical art I would like to perform. It’s stupefying!Buford: I have another act that’ll bring the house down!Phineas: Ferb, get the tools!Isabella: Let’s do this!

(Backyard...)Buford: Hey, twerp, I brought the props for my act.Phineas: Buford, what exactly is your act?Buford: I fly into mud with a paper bag on my head.Phineas: Okay, then.Buford: The peeps are gonna love.

Candace: I’m not even gonna call Mom. No, not gonna call!(elephant sound)(phone ringing)Linda: Candace, honey, listen. I can’t talk. We’re recording. Is it life or death?Candace: Well, no, but…Linda: I gotta go! Bye!Candace: (growls in frustration)Jeremy: Hey-ah, Candace.Candace: Oh! Hi, Jeremy.Jeremy: My mom told me to bring over these homegrown veggies for your family. You know; she and your mom are doing that jazz thing today.Candace: Thanks!Jeremy: So, circus, huh? Cool. Cool. I guess it’s more of a cirque than a “circus”. (laughs)

(chorus)♪ Aaahhh ♪(romantic voice) Good morning, gorgeous.

Candace: Oh. (giggles)Jeremy: Don’t you think?Candace: What?Jeremy: Don’t you think we should sit together to watch the show? If-if you want to.Candace: Yeah, yeah.(hacking cough, wheezing)Jeremy: Uh, Candace, are you okay?Candace: Say, are there any wild parsnips in here?Jeremy: Uh, I think that’s all that’s in there.Candace: (choked gasp) Later.

(At Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated...)Man: I’m dancing with your wife, pal. You got a problem with that?Doofenshmirtz: I’m dance-- (clears throat) “I’m dancing with your wife, pal. You got a problem with that?” Oh, yes, that does sound tough.Man: Yeah, I ate your last nectarine. You got a problem with that?Doofenshmirtz: Yes, I ate--(crashing)(coughing)
Perry the Platypus, look. Could-could you use the front door from now on? Could you just do that for me? I mean, yes, “I ate your last nectarine. You got a problem with that?” Sounds tough, huh? But not tough enough!(pushes button on a remote; Perry gets trapped in a net)
You see; ever since I was a child, I have had a high, squeaky voice! But not anymore. Behold, the Voice-inator! It bio-mechanically transforms normal air into Doofelium, which’ll make everyone else’s voice higher, making my voice deeper by comparison. I was going to lower my own voice, but, you know, it seemed like too much trouble.(engines roaring)(crashing)
Oh, come on!

(Cirque tent...)Phineas: We’re moments away from Ferb and The Amazing Perry! (to Ferb) Hey, Ferb. You guys are up next. Where’s Perry?(Perry, back in his cirque outfit, walks towards the boys)Phineas: Oh, there you are.Baljeet: And now, for my final trick, I will reattach my thumb! Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, come thumb, it’s healing time.(wild cheering)Phineas: Let’s hear it for Baljeet the Stupefying! But now, prepared to be astounded when The Amazing Semi-aquatic Perry, aided by Ferb, attempts to jump through that hoop into the Shallow Pond!Audience: Ooh!Phineas: Yeah! Let’s hear it for the Amazing Semi-aquatic Perry!

(At the Squat n' Stitch...)Candace: Psst, Mom.Linda: Candace, have you been near the wild parsnips again?Candace: Yes, but you gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing.Linda: What is it now?

Candace:♪ Those boys are always up to something♪♪ And it's bringing me to tears♪♪ ‘Cause just before you get home ♪♪ It always just magically disappears♪

♪ Those boys are evil!♪♪ But before you get home they somehow always clean up the mess ♪Vivian:Testify, Candace, testify!Candace:♪ Those boys are evil♪Let me spell it out for you, Mom♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S!♪

♪ They built a roller coaster♪♪ And a beach in the backyard♪♪ Drove cattle through the city♪♪ And messed up the boulevard♪♪ They took me back in time♪♪ When we went to that museum♪♪ They built fifty foot tree house robots♪♪ But still you didn't see them♪

♪ Those boys are evil♪♪ Their crazy shenanigans cause me all kinds of distress♪♪ Those boys are evil♪♪ Sing it with me♪♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S!♪

♪ I know you think they're saints♪♪ But Mom, I'm here to tell♪♪ Those B-O-Y-S, they're just E-V-I-L♪♪ Those boys are evil♪♪ They're making me feel like my head's in a hydraulic press♪♪ And that don't feel too good!♪

♪ Those boys are evil♪Everybody!♪ E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S!♪That's what I'm talking about

(Cirque tent...)Buford: Hey, I got my costume all set. Be sure to introduce me as The Amazing Baggo.Phineas: You know, we’ve been thinking about your act and have some suggestions. Modify your torque and reverse the angle of trajectory.Buford: I still get to land in the mud, right?Phineas: Oh, yeah, yeah.Buford: I want the mud.

(audience cheering)Phineas: Thank you, Django, the Human Pretzel!Django: (moaning)Phineas: That’s gotta hurt. And now, our next act will catapult through the heavens, and land in a pit filled with the mysterious Aztec mud of doom!Audience: Whoo!Candace: Jeremy! Jeremy! Jeremy! (gasps) He saved me a seat.Phineas: I give you The Amazing Baggo!Buford: Ta-da...hey!Candace: Guys, cut it out. Let go!Buford: That dude’s stealing my act!(grunting)(screaming)Ferb: (whistles)Phineas: Hmm. He must have been lighter than we calculated.Buford: No, no! This is Buford’s moment to shine. … Hey, everybody. Over here.(all cheer)Phineas: Wait. How’d he get down there?Ferb: Perhaps Buford truly is amazing.

(kids talking)(machinery hissing)Linda: Hi, guys.Phineas: Mom, Dad, you missed our cirque.Linda: Well, it sure looks like you had fun.Perry: (chatters)Linda: Who wants to hear my CD?Phineas: Ooh, I do!Lawrence: All right, come on.Phineas: Cool.Candace: (moans) Oh, well, at least I’m back to normal.Jeremy: Hey, Candace. My mom played me some of their CD. Your singing is awesome! How’d you get your voice to sound like that?Candace: Oh, same as all the great blues singers. Wild parsnips.