Questions for Your Partner

How to Tell Your Partner You Haven't Orgasmed Yet

And other pressing questions for our Guy Next Door

How to Tell Your Partner You Haven't Orgasmed YetAnd other pressing questions for our Guy Next Door

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Q: What's a way to let my guy know during sex that I'm nowhere close to orgasming? —Lauren, Nashville, TN

Saying something blunt ("Could you do that differently?") will turn him off faster than a text from your ex. So instead, guide him. When he does hit the mark, lay on the erotic whimpers ("Oh yes, right there"). Otherwise, try moving his hands to a better spot. If you're consistently unsatisfied, lay some groundwork outside the bedroom. Tell him you'd love more foreplay, more oral, a vibrator in bed—whatever.

Q: What are some good conversation starters to use on a first date? —Melanie, Appleton, WI

"What are you most passionate about in life?"
"What's your favorite place in the world?"
"What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?"

Here's what they have in common: They force him to reveal something about himself, and—unless the guy is completely boring—his answer should unleash a flood of follow-up questions. If he seems shy, try sharing your own stories first. You want to get personal: If the conversation seems appropriate for elevator talk, it's way too tame for a date. That said, there's one caveat: Avoid grilling the guy on his sexual history or past relationships. He may interpret these questions as insecurity on your part, and it's just not necessary for either of you to unload this type of baggage on each other so soon.

Q: How can I defuse arguments with my husband without feeling like I caved in? —Eva, Newton, MA

If you always have to "cave" just to make it through, it's time to back up a step and establish new rules of engagement. Pick a time when you're not already fuming (that is, make it separate from a particular disagreement). Tell him you love his iron will but that he has to be more willing to meet you in the middle. Once he sees that this is something that truly concerns you, he'll be more likely to hear you out next time.