All the Highlights of President Obama’s Press Conference

President Obama’s early afternoon press conference was very foreign-policy heavy. Wearing an eggplant-colored tie and leaning on the podium like a hungover teenager at a Saturday morning SAT prep course, President Obama fielded questions on Syria and Iran. Regarding the former, the president said that military action is not the best course of action right now. Regarding the latter, Obama reminded the world (the few dozen people watching in their office buildings before running out to grab salads) that Iran is, like many recent college graduates across this great nation, isolated, economically suffering, and nominally willing to cooperate.

The president offered little comment on the more inane matters of the day: he said essentially nothing about Rush Limbaugh himself, though did state that the parents of Sandra Fluke, Limbaugh’s latest undeserving target of well publicized lunacy, should be proud of their daughter. Fluke reminded him of his own daughters, he said. “I thought about Malia and Sasha and one of the things that I want them to do as they get older is to engage in issues they care about, even ones that I may not agree with the on.”

Despite Fox News’s nervous predictions of scheduling catastrophe, today’s press conference in no way took away from the glory and grandeur of the simultaneous Super Tuesday voting. Obama, sensing an opportunity to charm, did wish Mitt Romney “good luck tonight.” But Mitt Romney doesn’t need luck! LUCK, or Lightwave Ultraviolet Cerebral Kinesis, is not compatible with his most recent hardware upgrade.