The Quest For Gene Simmons

This story was something i had to write for English. It was my first and only comedy like story. I do not usually write like this. So please

In the beginning the was not only Chuck Norris but there was rock. The music of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris created one musician who could satisfy his musical needs. And that person was Gene Simmons. Chuck Norris sent Gene to earth to spread the sound of rock. All was good until Gene was hit by a vehicle. He soon forgot who Chuck Norris was. Gene continued to play no knowing he was spreading the music of Chuck Norris. He played with his band Kiss and never failed his fans. Or Chuck Norris.

His two biggest fans were Max and Stan. Both were involved with the Kiss army. Something they both loved without at doubt. Max was a short rude and obnoxious little punk. And Stan was a respectable law biding citizen. All day they had been hearing about Britney Spears and her “AWESOME” music and concerts. They both hated Britney Spears. That was something they both agreed on. They thought she was dirty. They hated every pop star except Kesha. Simply because she wasn’t dirty. She only acted dirty to impress her fans. Kesha was like the Gene Simmons of pop. Simply amazing.

Stan spoke up and said to Max “You know who’s amazing?” And before Max could answer Stan had shouted out the answer “KESHA!” They walked into subway, the one restaurant that everyone thought was awesome, but really sucked. The store front was packed full. There was barely room to move around, let alone breathe. People were yelling because they could hardly hear each other. And most of the people were wearing shirts with Britney Spears on them. They were wearing these shirts because in two days she was going to be in their town performing a concert. By this time Max was starting to freak out. Stan could see it in his eyes. He could see the anger rising. He started to calm down when Britney Spears’s song womanizer came on. Then he began to scream. Everyone fell quiet as he yelled “You people are pathetic listening to someone as ugly and dirty as Britney Spears! It makes me sick! All of you make me sick!” Stan looked at Max in astonishment. This was the side of Max he had never seen. He knew that Max hated most pop music. But he didn’t know he hated it that bad. Stan was now embarrassed because he was ashamed to be associated with someone like Max. Everyone was now looking at Max. Some people looked surprised and others looked angry. They didn’t know what Max was talking about. Max quickly tore out the entrance of the establishment. He was screaming about the dirty Britney Spears. Stan quickly followed him. They were now laughing about the whole matter. They thought it was funny the way the people had reacted to him freaking out.

Max then spoke “Mr. T and Jungle cat.” “Who are they?” Stan asked. “They are evil mystical creatures that control Britney Spears. They tell her what to do and she does it. They make her brainwash all of her so called fans. We’re in danger. The dirty beast who’s name we don’t speak of will soon be in control. No ordinary human can stop her or what ever it is. That is why we must travel to the Amazon Rain forest.” Max finished. “ why the Amazon rain forest. Of all places why there?” Stan asked. Max spoke “Because that is where Gene Simmons can be found. He is so cheap he go’s to Brazil to save money. The flea markets there are so cheap. And everyone knows Gene Simmons loves to save money. Have you not seen his show? He yells at Shannon for spending money. And its not like he isn’t rich. He knows how to budget his money thought that’s all I’m going to say.” After Max finished speaking there was a brief moment of silence.

Stan broke the silence and said “Yea right you expect me to believe that for even the slightest moment? I’m not stupid, and I’m most certainly going with you!” Max began to speak “ We will buy the plane tickets, our parents won’t know what’s happening. Surely our parents have to hate Britney Spears. And they will be proud of us when we save the world. I’m calling it The Quest For Gene Simmons. The plane leaves tonight just so you know.” Stan was angry now. He was confused and didn’t want to hear anymore. He didn’t even like the plan. The whole idea of leaving for Brazil to find Gene Simmons was just stupid. Stan got up and walked out of Max’s small house. Max didn’t care the slightest bit that his friend was leaving. Max got up and went over to the stand that held his sony radio. He turned it on as he looked for his favorite Kiss CD. He put it in the compact disc tray and hit play. He skipped to track five on the disc. The cow bell at the intro to calling dr. love played. Max loved this song which is why he turned it up. Max began to sing with it. Signing wasn’t his best trait. Every note he sang was off pitch, but that didn’t stop him. Just hearing Gene Simmons sing the lyrics made him think of his plan. He thought of how Britney Spears was like Nancy Pelosi. A power hungry monster. A monster that was hard to control. But Max figured Nancy Pelosi’s power scare had come to an end and the same thing would happen to Britney Spears. If Max couldn’t get Stan to go with him he would go alone. After the song was over he turned to radio off and went downstairs. He put his Nike hoodie on and ran out the door. He started running in the direction of Stan’s house. He ran the whole way. Or at least tried. It was hard because he was fat and not the healthiest person on the planet. Finally he reached Pine Street. He walked up to house number 4205 and knocked on the door. Stan’s mom answered the door. Max asked “Is Stan home?” “Yes but he’s busy. He’s praying to his creator, Chuck Norris. And you should do the same.” His mother said in a soft polite voice. “Yea I don’t think so. Can you got get Stan the man? His mother quickly answered “ Yes I guess.” She left the door wide open. Max watched her climb the steps. He knew he had to set things straight. This was his last chance. Five minutes later she came back with Stan at her side. “I’ll leave you boys alone to talk amongst yourselves.” She said. Stan walked outside slowly closing the door behind himself. Stan began to talk “ I prayed to Chuck Norris for his help. I asked him to guide me and help me make a decision. After I finished I fell asleep. Or maybe I was unconscious I’m not sure. But what I do know is that Chuck Norris was talking to me. He told me to find Gene. That Gene was the answer. I saw this evil ugly little creature shoot Chuck. And nothing has ever been able to do that. Chuck called this creature Jungle Cat. It’s an evil demon I guess. It has been working closely with Britney Spears. And then I woke up. It was so real I thought it was just my imagination. And when I woke up I ran to the phone. I called a cab because I knew you were on your way. Chuck warned me. He told me to be ready. So I packed my stuff and called for a cab.

They sat and waited for the cab. The time passed slowly. The was not conversation. They sat on the stoop of Stan’s house waiting to the cab to show up. Ten minutes passed before it showed up. The cab came to a halt. They quickly jumped in. The cab drive sped down the road at a high rate of speed. “ Were going so fast I would expect the cops to be chasing after us. Where are they? Were going over the speed limit, we have to be.” Max said. They soon got on the highway. They were now speeding past minivans. Soccer moms hulling their annoying kids home. Home from what they called soccer practice. And all of the kids were whiners probably. Whiners who complained about everything. They were the kids who thought they were awesome. Their parents probably couldn’t even stand them either. Before Max knew it they were pulling up to the airport. They walked into the terminal. They used Max’s mom’s credit card. She didn’t even know he had swiped it from her. Max purchased first class tickets. And they headed in the direction of the security checkpoints. Max said “This looks like it’s going to be fun.” In front of them was this man who kept setting the metal detector off. After the sixth time the security officer was annoyed. He asked the man to follow him and they walked away. That was the last they saw of him. Max and Stan made it through security and boarded the plane. It was going to be a long flight but they knew they would make it through. They both fell asleep on the play. To their surprise when they woke up the were in Brazil. They stepped out of the airport and caught a taxi. They asked the cab driver to take them to the Brazilian international fee market. They cab driver was confused at first but he eventually figured it out. The cab driver was slightly slow. They arrived at the flee market and began searching for Gene Simmons. Max said “ If we hope to find Gene we will have to look where there are hot girls. Because that is Gene’s weakness. Everyone knows that. The located the business section of the flee market. And surely enough the found Gene. Max ran up to him and said “ Mr. Simmons we need your help, Britney Spears..,” Gene said “Enough I don’t know who you are so leave me alone. They walked away for a moment. Stan prayed to Chuck “ Chuck, I need your help. Please show Gene in your way. He has been misguided and need your help.” All of a sudden Chuck Norris descended from heaven and touched the earth for the first time in thirty years. Chuck walked up to Gene and roundhouse kicked him. Gene fell over and all of a sudden Gene transformed into his alter ego. The ultra demon. In his hand was his guitar of mighty powers. Max went back towards Gene and said “ Sir we need your help, Britney Spears is taking over and only you can stop her.” Chuck Norris spoke up “Gene you have been lost but now you are found. I created you so that you could spread the sound of Norris. And you must save that music. But do not harm Kesha because she is beautiful.” Chuck Norris disappeared. Gene had all of a sudden remembered who he was. Gene said “ boys grab onto my jacket were going to stop the beast once and for all. Gene slammed his base guitar of the ground and they were back in Pine Hill. They were at the concert. Britney Spears had just gone out on stage. Gene jumped in front of her. He took away her voice so she could no longer sing. She tried to sing but nothing came out. Gene said “ Britney Spears because of your dirtiness I ban you to the island of miss fit pop stars.” After that there was a second of silence than gene said “ Asta la vista Britney Spears and she vanished. Then Gene struck his base guitar on the ground again and the members of Kiss appeared. They put on a show that reversed the affects of Britney Spears. After the show was over Gene struck his guitar once more and was at home with his girlfriend Shannon. He got on his knees and asked Shannon to marry him. Something he said he would never do. He had become the worlds biggest hypocrite the world had ever known. But his fans soon forgot because of the power of his music. Nobody could doubt that Gene Simmons was spreading the music of Chuck Norris. Gene and Shannon eventually joined Chuck in heaven where they went on to put on the best rock performance the heavens had ever seen.

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