John Galliano’s trial is underway and we’ve been hearing some pretty screwy information out of it. His defense has been a lot of things–bizarre, incoherent, hilarious–but above all else it’s been uniquely the defense of someone woefully out of touch with reality. For example, John Galliano is not racist because he has friends who are Shaolin Monks. Also, because he is John Galliano. Don’t you know John Galliano? Sometimes his designs are even influenced by ethnic things!

In honor of the disgraced designer’s creativity, TheGloss and myself constructed a handy guide to defending yourself against charges of bigotry the Galliano Way.