Reckless on the emotional turntable

HOW and why did she finally find herself in this situation? Well, that is the question Memuna has been asking herself in the past three days? She went out with a friend last night but her heart was still not in place. The idea was to help resuscitate this dying heart and on the way back home, she fell into a ditch. Every strand on her hair was in a mess, her clothes, shoes and accessories all in a state. When she got back to the house, she had a good wash but the stench was still there. Then she it crossed her mind that she was experiencing the same kind of decay within. Her heart was in pain too and the more she tried to get out of this emotional bullshit the more frustrating things were for her.

“I just couldn’t really fathom where I lost it all. Was it really my fault or was he the architect of our emotional misfortune? Yes, he was the one who messed it all up but I should have forgiven him. Cheating is almost a way of life for men and I don’t think I should have nailed him to the cross for behaving just like others. Now that I am wiser it’s sad that I just cannot reverse the situation. He messed up and I threw him away. In a short while, another lady grabbed and rescued him from the emotional garbage. The result was that I had lost the one that I really love and it is unlikely that I will ever find a heart like this again.”

Too bad! What a hard way to learn. Our dear friend should have known that men are a mass of jumbled emotions just as much as we are, and their biggest dream for love is to be totally accepted for who they are. When Sophia met Dotun, she wasn’t really ready for a serious relationship. She was so young and thought she still needed some time to play around before settling down. “On the other hand, Dotun was very excited about the relationship. He was ready to give up everything he had just to have me. But somehow I just did not feel comfortable about the arrangement at all. My friend thought I was stupid for letting what others would have grabbed with both hands go. The truth of the matter was that I wasn’t in love with him, there was no point patching up when I knew that it wasn’t going to work.”

It was quite obvious that things weren’t going to work out. But if what you are feeling is mutual then you have to make it work. Some people, however, take the other person for granted and just when they think that everything is under control they lose out. It is therefore important to be in charge as well as make sure that you don’t lose the person you are meant to be with forever through your emotional recklessness.

Sometimes, it is only when we lose what we have that we begin to cherish and appreciate them. You don’t have to fall off the emotional cliff to realise that what you once had compares to a gemstone. However, it is actually easy to survive this emotional disaster, if you’re not genuinely in love with this old flame. Naturally, you are likely to be telling yourself that it was indeed good riddance to this emotional garbage.

If you feel like she’s a friend, and you don’t have the “tingles” when you’re with her and you don’t care if she calls or if you see her, then it would be easy to cross over this emotional red carpet. In that situation, there isn’t ANY part of you that wants more. You’re probably looking for the woman you really want to show up, and are just “making do” with the pretty face in front of you now.

Sometimes if the ingredient of love is available, all that is required is a good emotional chef. If you find the right person to do the job then it would be fun all the way. Unfortunately, many actually miss it at this point. They are usually bugged down by the fear of the unknown, which ultimately kills the dreams that would have taken them up the emotional ladder forever together. Mediocrity? Maybe, and this actually stops many of us from getting what we want.

The big question that we need to ask ourselves at this point is how we use fear the way it’s meant to be used. You are in charge of the emotional arena when you make use of fear as a red flag and a warning. This way you are protected and guided from emotional distractions and disasters. Once you understand how to do this, then you can be sure that it wouldn’t ruin or get in the way of your true happiness. Interestingly, this is an issue therapists and authors have been dealing with for centuries.