Do something to get over your guilt

Q. I’m a mid-30s male with a wife, two kids, and a medium-pay job. I constantly feel pressure to make more money to get more of what we want for our kids’ lives.

She works part-time from home while the kids are young, so earns modestly.

I find that women I meet through work are often flirty and some aggressive about not caring if a guy’s married.

I caved in during a bad time in our marriage (my wife doesn’t know). I’m back on track but feel very guilty and worry that I’ll succumb again.

A. Your “guilt” is wasted energy. So decide what to do to get rid of it.

If you “confess” your past straying, you’ll likely make your marital/lifestyle stress worse, due to her hurt and anger. And the potential that she’ll want to split.

But if the “bad time” is mostly past, then know that you made a mistake, and get over it, privately.

The better conversation you two should have is about stress-busting your lifestyle. Talk about options and think both within and outside the box. For instance, can you take online courses to advance to a higher income job? Can she start to work more hours? Would you both consider moving to a less expensive home/area where you’d afford more of what you want?

If the answers are all no, then at least you both come to that conclusion together, and carry on as a team. Marriage and child-rearing progresses in phases, so this particular one will pass. It’s up top you two how it passes.

Q. At family dinners, my sister-in-law perceives criticism from me, and has temper tantrums — cursing, yelling, and stomping around — and gets angry if I ignore it.

It’s happened several times in two years. My daughter, 14, fears her aunt.

My mother-in-law believes this is just between us, that I play a part in it, and it’s my problem to handle. My husband’s supportive, thinks his mom should state to all what she expects, and that she won’t tolerate “situations.”

A. Sorry I couldn’t answer in time for this past Christmas but the many family get-togethers ahead still call for resolution. What changed two years ago? That’s the underlying issue.

Either your sister-in-law experienced a change healthwise and needs to be medically checked for her own well being, or you were new to the family and she’s jealous of something. If so, try to understand and seek a truce.

Or confront her privately, agree to disagree, and/or visit the in-laws separately, since mother-in-law left it to you.

Dear Readers: These are my 13 resolutions for 2013. Perhaps they’ll help you ponder yours:

1. Laugh heartily and often. Great for inner spirit, good for my facial muscles, too!

2. Love generously. Don’t wait for it to be sought.

3. Encourage anyone I can. Especially young people.

4. Giving advice is my job, not a right — I, too, must wait to be asked.