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Using Wisdom To Improve Your Life
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3232Buddhist Wisdom: When Wealth Costs More Than It’s Worthhttp://www.wiseism.com/buddhist-wisdom-money-greed-attachment-wealth/
http://www.wiseism.com/buddhist-wisdom-money-greed-attachment-wealth/#commentsMon, 18 Feb 2019 02:16:36 +0000http://www.wiseism.com/?p=443Money can seem like an answer to any problem, but wealth can come at a cost. Dr Bob Rich explains the Buddhist view on how to balance happiness with wealth.

Virginia was the Principal of an exclusive girls’ school. All the ‘Best People’ sent their daughters there. She had a high income and superior status in the community. She made an appointment at my psychotherapy practice and told me she couldn’t stand it anymore.

She loved teaching; contact with students, but now she rarely saw them. It was all administration, bureaucracy, politicking, fundraising, conflict resolution, buttering up wealthy parents and alumni. I told her about burnout, but she answered: “It’s more than that.”

I asked her to brainstorm what she could do to maintain what she valued about her job while removing the objectionable parts. She cancelled the second appointment, and I thought I’d failed her. Six months later, she sent me a lovely email:

Dear Bob,

I cannot thank you enough for what you did for me. I resigned and got a job as an English, Geography and History teacher in a State high school, at a quarter of my previous salary. It’s like coming alive again. I inspire my students (well, most of them), have the joy of organising the annual school play, and have time for fun in my life again. Bless you!

Virginia.

Virginia’s high salary and status had cost her much more than they were worth.

Lessons From My Greedy Uncle

I’ve known the potential perils of wealth since my teens, thanks to my uncle. We arrived in Australia in 1957, completely penniless as far as I was aware. Within two years, he’d bought a block of flats in Sydney. When my mother was dying in 2000, she explained. My stepfather had wanted to get rid of me. So, he gave my uncle a fortune for my upkeep and tricked my mother into sending me away with him, while he kept the rest of the family behind in Hungary.

When he died, my uncle left an inheritance of AUD$20 billion, and a trail of wrecked lives. He had two aims in life: to screw as many women as possible, and make as much money as possible. So his rather pointless legacy to the world was a ton of money and an equal measure of misery.

Early on, I decided to be his opposite in every way, so he’s been one of my best teachers. You can read the rest of this story in Ascending Spiral, my fictionalised autobiography.

The Stress of Wealth

In 1967, I encountered scientific evidence of the cost of wealth while doing my Honours in psychology. One of my fellow students wanted to know if winning a fortune would lead to happiness. She followed up all the winners of the Sydney Opera House Lottery, which would be worth AUD$15 million in today’s money.

In her study, she determined how many winners were known to have attempted suicide, divorced, suffered from cancer, digestive ulcers, cardiac problems and other stress-related diseases, alcoholism, or addiction to illegal drugs or medications. On every one of these measures, the instant millionaires were worse off than the general population a couple of years after their windfall.

But you don’t need to be rich to be miserable. Most people manage it very well without wealth.

The Secret to a Good Life

It’s not actually a secret, but part of the message of all the major religions, including Christianity and Islam. Even atheists can use it to improve their lives. I find the Buddhist version to be the clearest: All suffering is from wanting. Bill, the hero of my forthcoming science fiction series The Doom Healer puts it this way:

There are various reasons for suffering, and one cure for them all. The worst is greed and envy. You may have something I don’t, so resentment and even hate eats me up. I’m suffering. But the suffering doesn’t come from the situation, from what’s out there, but from my reaction to it. It’s the wanting that hurts, not the lack.

Or I may have something I really, really like. But I know that all things change, and this won’t last. So, I’m afraid of losing it.

Bill is not alone in his recipe for a good life. Jesus said, “It is easier for a rope to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God.” (Mistranslations of the Bible say “camel”, since the word “rope” is very similar in Aramaic.) But wealth is not the bar — the attachment to it is.You can be a millionaire and follow this teaching.

Humanity is destroying the entire life support system of this planet, because the global economy rewards and encourages the worst in nature, particularly greed. If you can live simply so you may simply live, then you can divorce yourself from this insanity, gain ongoing contentment, and play your part in building a better future for all our children.

Bob Rich, Ph.D. worked as a Counseling Psychologist for over 20 years. He’s also been an academic, researcher, and an applied scientist.

When Bob retired, his pro-bono email counselling gifted him with hundreds of “children” and “grandchildren” who still stay in touch.

Bob’s major joy in life is to be of benefit to others. Get to know him at his blog Bobbing Around.

]]>http://www.wiseism.com/buddhist-wisdom-money-greed-attachment-wealth/feed/25 Crazy Decisions That People Make Every Dayhttp://www.wiseism.com/5-crazy-decisions-people-make-every-day/
http://www.wiseism.com/5-crazy-decisions-people-make-every-day/#respondThu, 17 Jan 2019 02:45:59 +0000http://www.wiseism.com/?p=434People often make terrible choices about the way they live. Here are 5 crazy decisions that we make about life, and how to stop making these bad choices.

]]>People make some really crazy decisions. I know I have. And I’m not talking about buying those eye-watering two-tone trousers that I thought were pretty funky when I was 14. Or the time I decided to ‘bleach’ streaks in my hair using actual toilet bleach.

I’m talking how people make terrible choices about the way they live, or the way they ‘allow’ themselves to live.

Anyone who knows me will attest to me having been The Worst Decision-maker In History, especially when I was an alcoholic. Lindsay Lohan may (or may not) wish to fight me for the right to that title; but if you never knew me personally, think ‘Lindsay Lohan with worse teeth and less money’. That’s a fairly accurate description.

My life is no longer haunted by dubious fashion choices, cringeworthy incidents, or terrible “Did I really do that?” mornings after drinking my weight in alcohol. Although deciding to quit drinking was a wise move for me, that is not the fundamental reason why I now make better choices.

In fact, because I have swapped my decisions for better ones, my life is no longer marred by regret, bitterness, negativity and a whole host of other things far more serious than wearing silly trousers.

Here are 5 crazy decisions that we make about our lives, and how to stop making these bad choices.

1. Deciding to Struggle

I’m making a reference here to my own alcoholic, anxiety-ridden past. Instead of choosing to seek help for my mental health issues, I decided to struggle along on my own. Not only did that get me into a world of pain, but it also wasted a good chunk of my life.

Looking back on it now, I was crazy for not seeking medical and professional help. You may not have the same problems I did, but if you are struggling with anything at all, for goodness’ sake, please ask someone for help.

Most people are more than willing to help others out when they are asked. Don’t drain and distress yourself by muddling along on your own. Asking for help when you need it is one of the best decisions you can make to make progress with your problems. Even just a little help can make your burdens feel a whole lot lighter.

2. Deciding to Settle

Too many people decide to settle for lives that don’t make them happy. They will put up with a job they hate, a partner they are not passionate about, and a life that doesn’t fulfil them.

At times, we all have to do jobs we dislike and make sacrifices, but if you’re doing that your entire life, then isn’t your whole life a waste? If you do have to make sacrifices, then prioritise what you are willing to settle for and what you’re not.

For example, I can’t afford property, and I don’t have money to spend on ‘nice’ things. But I am happy to give up those things in order to be with a man I adore, to do work that is meaningful and to be creative. I would never choose to settle for less in those areas. Please don’t choose for settle for less in the most important areas of your life.

3. Deciding Not to Step Up

It is both saddening and maddening to see people not living up to their potential because they believe they are not good/capable/strong enough to “step up” in life. We only have one life, so we may as well decide to try things out, win or lose, or we may miss out on real fulfilment.

Some people suffer from ‘Imposter Syndrome’, which means they feel as if they are secretly failures, despite usually being very successful individuals. If you think you may be suffering from the disorder, please seek counselling for it. It is not worth wasting your talent because of a faulty belief. Please choose to show the world all you have to give.

4. Deciding to Shrink

If you’re not growing, then you’re generally shrinking. It is all too easy, especially as we age, to stop making the effort to try new things. But once you stop broadening your horizons, your comfort zone begins to shrink until you end up with a very ‘small’ life indeed. And that’s just really sad.

The same is true of striving to become a better person. If you choose not to bother developing yourself any longer, you tend to regress, and your lesser qualities can start to override all the brilliant ones you cultivated before.

You should never choose to give up all the progress you’ve made or forgo all the precious learning experiences you still have ahead of you. As they say, life is a journey, not a destination. It would be crazy to let the beauty of self-growth go to waste if you’ve already made wonderful progress.

5. Deciding to Be Average

You are not an average person. No-one is really ‘average’, but many people decide it is easier to go along with the crowd. They choose to drift along like sheep in one big herd. Sadly, this means that they lose or hide all the things that make them special. And that’s crazy, because it is our individualities that make the world a better place.

Each and every one of you has unique qualities, talents, quirks and gifts. Please never let them get lost in the crowd. Please make a commitment to always be you. Be the extraordinary person you are. And never be anyone else.

I promise you, if you can commit to making the right decisions, your life will be happier and more meaningful. You’ll smile a lot more often, have better experiences, and you’ll leave a wonderful legacy behind as you live your life.

]]>You may not be able to choose your genes or your family. Time may never erase that awful haircut you got in your teens that will be forever remembered and laughed about by your friends. And even posted to Facebook if you’re really lucky (Yeah, thanks for doing that, Emma Barron).

Some things are set in stone (or in photographic evidence) forever, and we have to accept those things with as much grace as we can muster – and move on.

But there are many things that we believe are unchangeable, which simply aren’t. And one of those is our feelings. How can you possibly change how you feel about something, especially if you’re experiencing an especially tough situation?

Why We Believe It’s Hard to Change Our Feelings

In some cases, we may think it’s natural to feel a certain way about a situation, and so it feels ‘wrong’ to change it. For example, shouldn’t we feel sad if something bad happens to a friend? Isn’t it normal to feel angry over injustices?

Additionally, a lot of us think that the way we feel just ‘happens’ to us, and so there is nothing we can do to change it. If we experience a sad event, we may feel that sadness floods through us and there is nothing we can do to stop that tidal wave.

Feelings Are Not What We Think They Are

If you believe that feelings ‘happen’ to us, leaving us completely helpless against changing them, then you are actively deciding to submit to whatever mood takes you over. Because, a feeling is not a part of you, like a limb, meaning that it can be detached without any harm done.

And nor is a feeling an enemy. It has no interest in attacking you personally. A feeling doesn’t have a brain or a manipulative agenda. Therefore, you can disarm it without having to battle it or risk injury.

A feeling is not a fact. It is merely a signal or signpost to you, letting you know that something is up. It may be sometimes be a spur to action or a guideline, but you shouldn’t blindly follow that. It’s often unwise to act on anger, for example, especially on the spur of the moment. Feelings are not necessarily instructions to act.

How Should We Treat Feelings?

Let your feeling be an ‘alert’. Listen to the feeling and understand what it is trying to tell you. It may be obvious, but sometimes you might want to ‘ask’ the feeling what it means. If it’s not clear why you’re feeling a certain way, take a look at what has been happening in your life that day or that week. You may be able to trace the origin of the feeling back by doing that.

If it’s a destructive feeling, try to hold it at arm’s length. You can do this by imagining the feeling is written on a cloud in the sky (remember, it is not a part of you). Naming the feeling can help you hold it at a safe distance.

Next, you’ll want to decide whether you want to change the feeling or not.

Should You Change Your Feelings?

I know we have been conditioned to think that we should feel certain ways about negative things, for example. But, if something bad had happened to your friend, do you think they’d want you wallowing in sadness, or do you think they might prefer you to be compassionate and helpful? It’s hard to help someone if you’re mired in sadness.

Don’t fall prey to convention when deciding what to do about your feelings. Truly consider what would be the most helpful thing to do with your feelings.

I will just add, do not bottle feelings up or suppress them if they need to be felt. That isn’t healthy. But, after you’ve acknowledged and spent some time with your feelings, if you think it would be better to let them go, then you can move on to changing your feelings.

How Can We Change Our Feelings?

There are several methods for changing your feelings, so I’ll give you several tips here.

1. If you’re feeling totally overwhelmed by a feeling, don’t try to zap it away. Instead, bridge your way out of it. So, if you are miserable, don’t try to switch to being elated. Instead, move into a less intense form of the feeling and keep moving across.

My classic trick when feeling sad was to listen to rock music, which was dark, but not as dark as I had been feeling. Then I’d move across to Hip Hop, which again, was edgy, but another step away from misery. I’d basically, go up a level with every track I played, until I was in a reasonable space and free from the overwhelming emotion.

2. There are always at least two ways to look at things – and often many more. The way that you perceive things completely changes how you feel. So you can change your feelings simply by looking at something in a different way.

For example, I was diagnosed with reactive hypoglycaemia, which meant I had to restrict my diet to zero sugar. Forever. I could have been utterly miserable at the thought of a life devoid of cookies and cakes (and especially Bannoffee Pie).

But, then I realised that my ‘enforced’ diet was much healthier, and because it was medically necessary, I couldn’t make excuses or fall off the wagon. I’d never had a healthy relationship with sugar anyway. What was more perfect than a non-fatal illness that required me to stop eating unhealthily to stay well? I’m now happy to be hypoglycaemic and overjoyed that I’m not a slave to sugar anymore.

3. OK, this one is a little more advanced, but one of the most powerful protections against the pain of negative feelings. Make peace with yourself. Many of our more negative feelings are influenced by our inner state. Bad feelings are far less likely to arise in the first place if we have a calm, peaceful mind and soul.

When we are peaceful inside, we are far less likely to feel frustrated or angry, and are more likely to experience joyful feelings. And when negative feelings do arise, they are like ripples on a pond, rather than like tidal waves. We do not dwell or ruminate, which worsens negative emotions, when we feel at peace.

Of course, being able to do this involves a longer road than the first two tips. But it’s also a pretty simple path that has many other benefits. Meditation (just 10 minutes a day if that’s all you can manage) is probably the easiest way.

Many forms of self-improvement and therapies can help you to feel more peaceful inside. But if you want something that is totally free, can be done almost anywhere and anytime, and gives you great results, try meditation. There are some free MP3s you can use here.

]]>http://www.wiseism.com/do-you-find-it-impossible-to-change-your-feelings/feed/06 Motivation Secrets You Can Learn From Buddhist Monkshttp://www.wiseism.com/motivation-secrets-learn-buddhists/
http://www.wiseism.com/motivation-secrets-learn-buddhists/#respondSat, 01 Sep 2018 15:32:20 +0000http://www.wiseism.com/?p=399If you’ve never been a Buddhist monk, and I’m guessing you haven’t, you may not know that they are some of the most motivated and focused people in the world. […]

]]>If you’ve never been a Buddhist monk, and I’m guessing you haven’t, you may not know that they are some of the most motivated and focused people in the world. It may not seem like it to outsiders. After all, don’t Buddhist monks sit around all day doing nothing?

Many monks live in caves and get all their food given to them, so aren’t they just homeless scroungers? And they always wear the same robes like they’re stuck in the 1700s. Can’t they get off their arses and go shopping once in a while?

If you don’t know much about Buddhism, you may well wonder what on Earth its followers can teach you about motivation and focus. Read on, my friend…

1. Prioritise Properly

Yes, Buddhist monks spend a lot of the day simply sitting down and meditating. But you may not know that they get up around 4am to be able to do that. Their mornings are spent working hard, completing necessary tasks and chores (like sweeping out their cave or helping to build a monastery), in order to give themselves a good long stretch of time to meditate.

Motivation Lesson: Do what you need to do first, so you can get on with doing what really matters without unfinished tasks hanging over you.

2. Discipline Yourself

If getting up when everyone else is still snuggled up in bed isn’t disciplined enough for you, then maybe the long list of vows they adhere to will convince you. Depending on the school of Buddhism, ordained monks and nuns must follow up to 354 vows. And some of them ain’t easy to keep. Most monks aren’t allowed to to eat after noon, handle money, or even sleep in comfy beds. Buddhists build in vows not to punish themselves, but to keep themselves focused on their goal of spiritual enlightenment.

Motivation Lesson: Whatever your goal is, set down some serious ground rules to help you stay focused on what’s truly important.

3. Don’t Waste Time

It’s true that most monks only own one robe, and they eat whatever is donated to them by the people they teach as a form of payment for sharing their knowledge. Monks don’t waste time deciding what to wear in the morning, or fretting over what to have for lunch. Keeping things simple allows them to save their time and energy to devote to more important things.

Motivation Lesson: Giving yourself fewer choices saves you time and energy. See what unnecessary and time-consuming decisions you can cut out of your day so you can devote more time and focus to your goals.

4. Keep on Track

Buddhists live by the law of Karma, which put simply, means they are always concerned with the consequences of their actions. If you’re a Buddhist monk, you know that breaking vows might get you kicked out of the monastery and harm your spiritual efforts. So, monks and nuns pay utmost attention to the laws of cause and effect.

Motivation Lesson: Always bear in mind how your behaviours and choices either keep you on the right track or lead you away from your goals. If you’re doing something that you know will seriously undermine your ambitions, stop it.

5. Stop Multi-tasking

Many people believe that multi-tasking is the ultimate way of achieving a lot in a short space of time. But science has actually proved that to be untrue. Buddhist monks do something called “One-Mindedness”, which means focusing on whatever task they are doing right now and giving it their all. When they eat, they savour every favour. When they read, every word is sacred When they work, they don’t complain or daydream, they just get the job done to their best of their ability.

Motivation Lesson: Focus on doing one thing really well at a time. Give that task your full, concerted effort, so you can do your utmost best. Then, do the same with each following task.

6. Train Your Brain

You may well wonder how monks get by at all, when they are constantly disciplined, focused and effortful. Why don’t they ever feel the need to rant, complain or let loose for a bit? It’s because they don’t have to – they have trained their brains.

While meditation seems like a lazy way to spend a day, it’s not. Brain scans done on meditators show that their brains are incredibly active during the process. Meditation is about training the mind, so you are able to calm it down when you need to and to take everything in your stride without getting stressed or upset.

Motivation Lesson: If your brain doesn’t naturally like to be motivated, disciplined or focused, then train it to be. If you don’t mind meditating, that’s a good place to start, but you can also use other methods of brain-training.

Learning to use your brain effectively is one of the wisest things you can do. It’s good for staying motivated, happy and on track to achieve your goals.

]]>http://www.wiseism.com/motivation-secrets-learn-buddhists/feed/0How to Stay Young At Heart Foreverhttp://www.wiseism.com/young-at-heart-study-smart-people-are-younger/
http://www.wiseism.com/young-at-heart-study-smart-people-are-younger/#respondFri, 31 Aug 2018 15:28:34 +0000http://www.wiseism.com/?p=381My paternal grandmother was quite a character. She liked to have fun and was a little cheeky at times. She was known for her sassy rebuttals and if she was […]

]]>My paternal grandmother was quite a character. She liked to have fun and was a little cheeky at times. She was known for her sassy rebuttals and if she was ever challenged on her behaviour, she’d say “I’m 82, you know”, as if being old somehow let her off.

Actually she used to say that when she was 72 as well. And when she was 62. Except in those days, she used to round the number up a bit for more effect.

As a child, I used to cringe in embarrassment when my gran made her little jokes out loud. Like when she commented on a woman’s hairdo on a bus. Now, this nice lady had a mohawk and it was dyed bright green. “Why on Earth do people need to dye their hair in such unnatural colours?!” she said rather too loudly.

When the woman turned around (and I tried to squeeze myself under my bus seat), my gran pulled out her favourite card: “I’m 82, you know”. Even though she was about 75 then. All was forgiven, of course. And the mohawked lady had a little chuckle too as she saw my gran patting her bright purple rinse in disgust.

It wasn’t just random people on the bus that encountered this “semi-senile” old dear and her wicked sense of humour. After clearly watching too many episodes of Fawlty Towers, my nan picked up the “hearing aid trick”.

She pretty much got whatever she wanted, since if anyone ever said “no” to her, she simply wouldn’t be able to hear it. And if someone suggested she adjust her hearing aid, of course, she wouldn’t be able to hear that either.

Others might have thought that her announcing her age was a sign that she’d gone a bit senile and her boldness could be excused. That was far from the truth – she was sharp as a pin. But she wanted them to think she was a bit doddery. Because, as I told you, she was a cheeky little minx.

Well a 50-year study now shows why my Gran was bright as a button and not afraid of having a little fun.

A study by the University of Montpellier showed that the more intelligent we are in our younger years, the younger we when feel when we’re actually pretty darned old. The paper, published in the journal Intelligence, showed that the higher IQ people have in their 20s, the younger they feel in their 70s.

While factors like economic status didn’t seem to play as much of a part, some different personality traits did. People who were more “open to experience” felt much more youthful than they actually were.

The good news is that you can improve your IQ at any age, so if you want to feel more sprightly than your peers as you get older, start becoming smarter now.

And you can carry on your cheeky ways when you’re definitely old enough to know better, as a higher IQ and feeling young can help improve your health and lifespan too.

As for my nan, her youthful ways kept her having fun until the end. But now my dad’s getting on a bit (he was 70 last year), and he became a SpongeBob Squarepants fan a few years ago. Now, he won’t stop doing impressions of Patrick Starr in front of my friends. So, perhaps I’ll still have a little more cringing to do, but I expect that, happily, to go on for quite some years.

And if you can’t beat them, join them, by becoming a smarty-pants too.

]]>http://www.wiseism.com/young-at-heart-study-smart-people-are-younger/feed/0The Most Important Nutrient For Brain Healthhttp://www.wiseism.com/most-important-nutrient-brain-health/
http://www.wiseism.com/most-important-nutrient-brain-health/#respondTue, 24 Jul 2018 20:55:48 +0000http://www.wiseism.com/?p=367It covers 71 per cent of the Earths surface. It makes up 73 per cent of the adult human brain. Without it, you would die within a number of weeks. […]

]]>It covers 71 per cent of the Earths surface. It makes up 73 per cent of the adult human brain. Without it, you would die within a number of weeks. And if you are deprived of just a small percentage of it, your body and brain begin to suffer. What is it? Water.

If you lose just one single per cent or your body’s weight in water, your body and brain will start to slow down and your performance on physical and mental tasks will suffer.

At a two per cent loss of your body mass’ water and above, your ability to think clearly, focus, make decisions and carry out a whole range of important cognitive tasks becomes significantly impaired, researchers at the Georgia Institute of Technology have found.

There is already much research out there that shows that a two per cent water loss affects physical performance, including endurance and co-ordination. But when Georgia Tech reviewed 33 studies on what dehydration, can do to your brain, they found some disturbing results.

You’re Wiser When You Drink Water

The studies, which covered volunteers with between a one and six per cent water deficit, revealed that participants increasingly made mistakes the more water they lost, particularly on tasks related to concentration.

“Tasks that require attention were quite impacted,” Professor Mindy Millard-Stafford from the School of Biological Sciences at Georgia Tech said. “Higher-order functions like doing math or applying logic also dropped off.”

Being dehydrated can impact your work, your relationships and your ability to make wise and reasoned decisions, as well as your physical health and mood. “If you drop four or five per cent, you’re going to feel really crummy,” the professor said.

A Sweaty Situation

Professor Millard-Stafford also pointed to the dangers of being dehydrated and not being alert when you really need to be. Driving a car in the summer heat or working in a hot environment with potentially dangerous machinery, such as a factory or in a military role could prove fatal.

Acute dehydration is not actually that uncommon. The researchers noted that doing two hours of yard work (or gardening if you’re from the UK) in the summer sun without drinking water is enough to impact your concentration.

Anyone can become dehydrated fairly quickly if they are not drinking enough water, especially during hot or humid weather, when drinking alcohol, or while exercising. Just an hour of moderate exercise in hot weather can cause you to sweat out two per cent of your water.

Be Water Wise

An adult generally needs between 1.5 and 2 litres of water per day to function well, and more if they are sweating or urinating a lot. It is best to sip water throughout the day. If you are thirsty, it is a sign that you are already dehydrated.

Symptoms of mild to moderate dehydration include headaches, dizziness, and darker-coloured urine, as well as loss of focus.

If you are losing water, adding a bit of salt to your food can help you to retain more water. If you don’t like plain water, you can add cordial to it or drink herbal teas. Eating watery foods like cucumber will also help you increase your water intake.

“Water is the most important nutrient,” Professor Millard-Stafford concluded. I have to agree. Without adequate water, no other brain health strategies or supplements will be effective. However, if you are keeping your water intake up, feel free to check out my book for even more ways to boost your brain.

]]>http://www.wiseism.com/most-important-nutrient-brain-health/feed/09 Wisest Maya Angelou Quoteshttp://www.wiseism.com/wisest-maya-angelou-quotes/
http://www.wiseism.com/wisest-maya-angelou-quotes/#respondWed, 04 Apr 2018 15:37:08 +0000http://www.wiseism.com/?p=335Maya Angelou was an inspiring woman who wrote some memorable words of wisdom. What I like most about Maya Angelou quotes is that they show that she was real. Her […]

]]>Maya Angelou was an inspiring woman who wrote some memorable words of wisdom.

What I like most about Maya Angelou quotes is that they show that she was real. Her life wasn’t easy and she endured many terrible hardships. She wasn’t born the brilliant and strong woman that we know her as. Angelou shaped and changed herself when she needed to. She learned from her mistakes and bad experiences. She actively tried to deepen her best qualities and dissolve any negativity, ridding herself of hatred and resentment and developing her bravery and love.

Maya Angelou always acknowledged that she had to strive for success, to learn to like herself, and develop skills in order to be the best person she could be. I think this is one of the many reasons why people love Maya Angelou’s quotes. She demonstrated that anyone can become better, no matter where they start out in life.

Maya Angelou may be the ultimate study in personal development. She was always learning and as she started to change herself, she was able to change hearts and minds with her words. Her wisdom comes from her experience and learning as well as listening to her soul.

Here are some of my favourite Maya Angelou quotes and why they are so meaningful:

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

People don’t like to change – it can be a difficult and ugly process. However, change is often the key to unlock the door to success and happiness. Angelou herself went from caterpillar to butterfly. Angelou had such a powerful voice and presence that you couldn’t imagine was once a mute. And yet, for seven years she couldn’t utter a word after being unable to deal with the trauma of being sexually assaulted as a child. She had to change herself in order to become the strong, beautiful voice we recognise now.

I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.

Some people don’t know that Maya Angelou was a prostitute and a brothel madam before she became a renowned author, activist and poet. As a young woman, she was just trying to survive and this quote shows that she is not ashamed of her past. Maya pays tribute to the powerful path of learning to cope and do things differently, as a step by step process. If you start from behind, that’s OK, as long as you’re willing to learn how you can be better.

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

You can’t fight reality, and yet so many people try to do so. Maya Angelou is recommending here that we should “be like water” (to quote Bruce Lee) and adapt our mind and actions to circumstances that we can not alter. However, we should never just put up with things we don’t like – that includes external events and qualities within ourselves. We can change them if we put in the effort. No-one is “fixed” and everyone has the power to improve at least some of their circumstances.

Without courage we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.

What Maya Angelou is talking about here is the courage to be yourself, to show yourself, and to have an open heart. It takes guts to open your heart and be vulnerable, but without doing that, we can’t be our best selves. I don’t want to add too much to this quote, because I think it speaks for itself.

You develop courage by doing small things like just as if you wouldn’t want to pick up a 100-pound weight without preparing yourself.

If you’re struggling to be brave and feel like you aren’t strong, then take heart in this quotation. Angelou developed her courage and found her voice through reading. Literature and writing was ultimately her outlet for past trauma. Again, this is a tacit acknowledgement that Angelou herself took baby steps when she needed to in order to become courageous and successful. It doesn’t matter if you need to do that too, as long as you are always moving in the direction of your goal.

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

This quotation tells of two things. Of course this is about living your life fully and “singing your song”. Everyone has a purpose in life and if you can’t fulfil that, it is terribly sad for you and everyone who could have benefited from your message and wisdom. But Angelou is also referring to her traumatic life. Through writing, she was eventually able to purge herself of her earliest experiences, her “life story”. And then, she was able to move on and express her wisdom to the world.

If you’re always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be.

Angelou never had a “normal” life, and many people who have had tough experiences are desperate to “just be normal”. That was my goal as well after suffering mental health issues and having a chequered past. But, once I recovered and stabilised, I realised I had much more to give the world than I ever thought before. Everyone has unique gifts and talents – you do too. Don’t settle for “normal”. Be fully yourself – something that no-one else can be. Then you’ll be amazing.

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.

Integrity is the key ingredient in this piece of wisdom. You can only be successful, in Angelou’s eyes, if you are at peace with yourself. If you use dishonesty, manipulation or other underhand methods to attain success, it’s a hollow victory. You won’t really feel the joy of true hard-won success unless you are proud of the way in which you achieved it. Success doesn’t have to mean fame or riches – it’s about developing as a person and becoming someone who is happy with themselves and their actions.

You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise.

This is a beautiful verse from Maya Angelou’s poem Still IRise, written in 1978. It sums up her struggles in life and her strength to overcome anything thrown at her. But remember, she worked hard to become that strong person. Everyone can achieve an unbreakable spirit as long as they are prepared to develop themselves. If you haven’t read much of her work yet, I recommend checking out some of Maya Angelou’s books here. We can all learn from her work and her process of personal development, which is so often revealed in her words.

]]>http://www.wiseism.com/wisest-maya-angelou-quotes/feed/0What Is True Wisdom?http://www.wiseism.com/what-is-true-wisdom/
http://www.wiseism.com/what-is-true-wisdom/#respondTue, 06 Mar 2018 20:23:27 +0000http://www.wiseism.com/?p=313True wisdom is often confused with knowledge or intelligence. And although a wise person may be knowledgeable or intelligent, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are truly wise. People with high […]

]]>True wisdom is often confused with knowledge or intelligence. And although a wise person may be knowledgeable or intelligent, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are truly wise.

People with high IQs can make some really unwise decisions or lack common sense.

My Lack of Wisdom

I took the test to be in Mensa and passed (I never joined as I didn’t see the point). I aced all my exams at school and college and was generally thought of as an intelligent person. Yet, in my late teens, when I developed an anxiety disorder, I did a really unwise thing.

A wise person would have gone to a doctor, therapist or psychiatrist about it. But what did I do? I drank alcohol to numb the anxious feelings. Despite all my book-learning and having a high IQ, I did the most unwise thing imaginable. And, in the end, I became a full-blown alcoholic – something I now have to deal with for the rest of my life.

And when I used to go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, I would meet doctors, teachers, lawyers, business moguls – really smart and savvy people – and yet they had fallen into the same trap as I had because of trying to deal with problems and stresses by drinking them away.

My Friend’s Unwise Behaviour

I also meet very smart people who can have massive lapses in common sense. Someone I know got into huge debt, I mean thousands of pounds, because she was falling behind on some payments, but refused to open all the red “debt” letters that came through her letterbox. Eventually, the bailiffs turned up and she was evicted from her home.

True wisdom is essentially about doing the next right thing. So, for me, it might have been going to see a psychologist or medical professional. For my friend, the wisest thing to do would have been to open the letters, phone the companies she owed and organise payment plans.

So What Is True Wisdom Then?

I have a tattoo on my arm, which says “Face Your Truth, Take Your Freedom”. Please don’t tell me I’m unwise for getting a tattoo – it’s a recovery tattoo to remind me to be wise, and I thought long and hard about it. It reminds me every day that I am an alcoholic and must be abstinent, so I can be free, and never become a slave to alcohol again.

An appropriate phrase for describing true wisdom might be “Search For The Truth, Considering All Options”. Or perhaps if you’ve already sought out the truth, and know your options, true wisdom could be encapsulated in the phrase: “Face The Truth and Take The Next Right Step”.

Although there are many dilemmas and tricky situations we sometimes have to deal with, you will generally feel peace of mind when you’ve made a really wise decision. Even if it is a difficult decision to make or makes you sad (like breaking up with someone you now deep down is a bad match for you), you should have a feeling inside of it being the “right” thing to do.

True wisdom won’t always make you happy with the world or your situation, but it will always make you feel more clear-headed, more serene and at peace with yourself.

Anyone Can Learn To Be Truly Wise

You don’t have to be some guru to become a wise person. And you don’t have to have a long white beard and sit contemplating in a cave for a decade. Anyone can learn to be insightful and make wise choices. There are steps you can take and practices you can follow to gain true wisdom. And some of the ways to make smarter decisions and start becoming truly wise are actually quick and easy.

I’ve written a book (now that I am a lot wiser than I was!) to help you become wiser faster, which I will be releasing in 2018. If you’d like a sneaky peek at the first chapter, go ahead and sign up below and I’ll send it to your inbox.

]]>http://www.wiseism.com/what-is-true-wisdom/feed/0How to Super-learn: Tricking Your Brainhttp://www.wiseism.com/learning-by-brain-tricks/
http://www.wiseism.com/learning-by-brain-tricks/#respondTue, 24 Oct 2017 15:56:53 +0000http://www.wiseism.com/?p=307Super Learning Strategies In a post on my other website, I discussed how our brains are still hard-wired to the caveman era and survival responses. And while this can be […]

In a post on my other website, I discussed how our brains are still hard-wired to the caveman era and survival responses. And while this can be a pain in the proverbial fur pelt, we can use this knowledge to help ourselves learn more quickly and to develop training presentations that will be remembered.

Our survival instincts are powerful enough that we learn fairly rapidly in life to stay away from danger and to seek sanctuary, bonding and community. And this means that things that our brains are primed to stay alert to are shock and novelty to avoid compromising situations such as being eaten by a tiger.

We also naturally pay attention to human things, such as faces, characters and stories, which were important to us back in the cave. Things that cause us emotional stirring and things that cause us to think deeply and solve problems are more likely to stick in our minds.

So to help yourself to learn and to make your notes really stick in your mind, what could you do?

Making up a story or even a song out of your notes is a great way of making information stick. If you can find a way of presenting a role play that isn’t unbearable, then that’s a great way to make information stay in your brain too.

An added advantage of this is that that most people learn better when they involve some movement in their learning. Demonstrating something yourself wires it in the brain much faster than if you are just shown or told or you read how to do it.

The more of your neurological systems you involve in learning, the better. Cavemen were dynamic learners – they learnt on their feet.

If you can’t demonstrate, then use visualisation to imagine demonstrating– mental rehearsal is a powerful tool. And draw pictures and mind-maps and patterns.

Familiarity is also something we learned to prize a long time ago, so familiar images, sounds and sensations can all act as an aide-memoire when you link them to the information you’re learning.

And one last tip, give your poor brain some time to process the information before overloading it with something else. Take a nap or a walk to give your brain a chance to encode your memories.

]]>http://www.wiseism.com/learning-by-brain-tricks/feed/0Are You Suffering From Excusivitis?http://www.wiseism.com/excusivitis/
http://www.wiseism.com/excusivitis/#respondTue, 24 Oct 2017 13:52:04 +0000http://www.wiseism.com/?p=298Are you suffering from a word I have just made up? Yes, I’ve made up another word. It’s probably not as good as ‘feckarooney’, but it’s better than ‘disturbation’, both […]

Yes, I’ve made up another word. It’s probably not as good as ‘feckarooney’, but it’s better than ‘disturbation’, both of which I also invented. (I am still trying to claim ‘coolio’ as my own, although everyone else insists a rap star invented it in the 1990s. Whatever.)

Why have I invented this new word? Because it seems to me that making excuses is a condition, a bit like an emotional illness. And it’s spreading.

Excusivitis seems to be a modern affliction. There was no time for excuses in the olden days – you had to get on with things in order to survive. But with so many things vying for our attention these days, diverting us from what really matters, it is easy to make excuses and not to take action.

Excusivitis is infectious, too – the very first time you make up an excuse about why you can’t do something, the more things you seem able to make excuses for, and the easier it becomes to make excuses in other areas of your life.

So why do we make excuses? Well, it can be down to laziness, but most often I find it’s usually down to fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear that what you do won’t be good enough or that other people won’t like it.

People often don’t like leaving their comfort zones, where they have bedded down quite nicely with a packet of Hob-nobs and a cosy quilt, thank you very much. Striding out into the big, wide world with a new idea seems a little scary, compared to watching re-runs of Quincy with a nice cup of tea.

And often we believe we can’t do new, exciting things – we tell ourselves we haven’t got the skills, the wherewithal, the tools or the plan. We look at others who have taken action and done something new and we are in awe of them. But is this really true, or is it just Excusivitis rearing its not-so-attractive head?

In reality, those success stories are created by people who are no different from us – they just did what they dreamed of, rather than merely dreaming about it. That’s the only difference between those who get stuck and never go for their dreams and those that fulfil them – action. All the rest of the stuff, you can beg, buy, borrow or learn.

If you are truly stuck with something, then get some help. Don’t use that as another excuse to hold yourself back. And if you haven’t twigged yet ‘Excusivitis’ is a made-up word, which means it doesn’t exist – which means you have no excuse not to get on with things.

So, what are you making excuses for? What will it take for you to overcome them? How bored, depressed and frustrated would you need to become to make that change? Have you invented a better word than me? And why haven’t you already dropped me a line?

You only get one life – why would you want it blighted by Excusivitis when, really and truly, you could be making that life of your dreams into reality. No excuses, now. You deserve better.