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Race-ism

I mean holy shitthis chick has got to havelike the most badass childhoodEVERso her dad is a king rightno one can agree what the king’s name wasso lets just call himSchoeneusbecause that’s the stupidest sounding one i could findso Schoeneus sees his brand new daughterand is like FUCK THISWHERE IS THE PENIS ON THIS CHILDand his wife is like honey there is no penisthis is a girland Schoeneus is like FUCK THATABANDON HER IN THE WOODSso they doon top of a mountain actuallynow normallywhen you leave a baby alone in the woodsit will die pretty fastbut nonot AtalantainsteadArtemis sends a fucking BEARto NURSE HER AND RAISE HER AS ITS OWNyeaha BEARnot a fucking stagor a majestic goddamn stallionor some rabbits or some bullshita motherfucking BEARso naturally Atalanta’s ass quickly becomesthe baddest in the landand when she’s a little bit oldershe starts charging through the woodsmurdering all type of animalseating their raw fleshand she runs into some hunterslead by this dude Meleagerand she is like sweet i found some dudeslet me go hunting with you guysand the guys are like NO GIRLS ALLOWEDand meleager is like I WANNA BONE THE SHIT OUT OF YOUUM I MEANYOU CAN TOTALLY COME HUNTING WITH USso she doesbut RIGHT AWAYsome fucking centaurs show up likedid someone call for the rape patrolthats uswe are the rape patrolwe are going to rape you Atalantaand atalanta is like hey guys let me tell you a secretI WAS RAISED BY MOTHERFUCKING BEARSand she rips them in halfand goes right on huntingand actually she is the first person to shoot an arrow into the boar they are huntingshe is definitely the MVP of the boar huntso Meleager is like well donehere you can have this boar pelt as a rewardand Meleager’s uncles are like boy you are so fucking whippedso meleager kills them bothwhich in turn pisses off Meleager’s momso she throws a log in her fireand when the log is done burning Meleager diesdont ask me how that worksso basically Atalanta walks away from a smoldering pileof blood and intestines and firewith a fresh dripping boar peltand never speaks to any of those people ever againpartially because they are deadpartially because atalanta does not give a FUCKat this point her dad finds her againprobably because he is curiousabout why half of the people and animals in his kingdomdied all of a suddenand is like holy shitmy daughter is the ultimate manalright atalanta you can come back to the castleyou have killed enough people now that i can pretend you are the son i never hadand atalanta is like sureeven though this is the guy who abandoned her to BEARSbecause of her conspicuous lack of a dickbut there’s a problemwhich is that now that atalanta is a princessSchoeneus wants her to get marriedatalanta has no use for a husbandexcept maybe as likea spearto kill boars withso she comes up with a crafty plannever to get married everbasically what it is is thatanyone who wants to marry herhas to beat her in a raceand if they lose she gets to kill thematalanta really loves murderfor some reason this does not stop dudes from trying to marry herso atalanta is winning races left and rightstabbing poor horny dudes in the chest and ripping out their facesuntil this one dudenamed Melanionis like mani really wanna hit thatbut i do not want to get my face ripped outhey aphroditehelp me have sex with this girland aphrodite is like sure why notand she gives Melanion 3 golden applesand melanion is like what the fuckwhat is it with you guys and golden appleseris chucked a golden apple into that party that one timeand then there’s the golden apples of the hesperidesand now i ask you to help me get my rocks offyou’re giving me 3 golden appleswhat the fuckhow does that even helpand aphrodite is like chill out dudeif there is one thing i know about womenit is that they are irresistably attracted to shiny objectsjust throw one of these at her every time she gets aheadand either it will knock her outor she will stop to pick it upwin winso melanion does thatand he wins the raceand atalanta is like fuck dudei dont know if these three inedible appleswere worth my virginityoh welland she just embarks on an all out sextravaganzawith her new husbandjust boning up and down and to the rightalso to the leftalso inside of zeus’ templethe myth mentions at this pointthat atalanta has huge tits by the wayanyway zeus gets really pissedbecause only he is supposed to get laid in his templeand is like you know whatyou guys are getting turned into LIONSRAAAAAAbecause in ancient greece at this timethey had not yet invented animal biologyand they all thought that lions could only fuck leopardsnot other lionsso zeus is like ha ha take thatand then atalanta and melanion probably figured out thatholy shit waitlions CAN fuck other lionsand lived happily ever after killing animals and raping each otherso the moral of the story isif you are a godand you are about to punish some motherfuckersdo your homework

The reason Meleager was killed by the burning of the log was because his mother had a vision of the Three Fates when he was born, and they proclaimed the baby would die when the log in the fireplace finished burning. His mother snatched the log from the fire and guarded it for years, until the death of her brothers caused her to throw it back into the fire, making the Fates' prediction come to pass.