To the Dad in the bookstore

We both ended up in the same section of the bookstore and found ourselves reaching for the same book. Your face was tired and the sadness hung heavily around you as you said to me, “Do you ever look at all those other parents out there and wonder if they know how blessed they are?” As you told me about your son and how he had just been released from the psychiatric ward at Children’s, my comment back to you was that your son was certainly lucky to have you for a Dad.

My heart broke as you told me how challenging things have been for your family, searching for answers and a diagnosis of something no doctor seems to have ever seen. I recognized myself in you as you talked about how worried you are that you and your wife will be hit by a car and die, and then where will your son be?

You thanked me for listening as you left – thanked me for the shoulder and ear. I left too, tears in my eyes having heard what you so clearly needed to say to someone. To be able to pass right into such a personal, intimate conversation so easily, and with immediate understanding, is a gift I think we’ve all been given as parents of special children. I left wondering at the bonds that tie us parents together in our own special tribe, and felt thankful that sometimes we are able to find each other and offer ourselves.

Wow, that’s tough. How nice of you to lend a caring ear. Do you sometimes feel bad that your son is high functioning. I mean with others have it rougher with lower functioning kids. I know I do.

I don’t exactly feel bad about it, because I know our high functioning kids have a whole world of challenges that kids with more classic autism don’t have. And vice versa. But I know I am extremely blessed that my son can talk and be in an integrated classroom. I am thankful for those things, even though sometimes his gifts bring with them the greatest struggles.

Wow..the first time I’ve ever read your blog…and this is what I read. Powerful. And very true. There are those moments when I connect deeply and in a very knowing way with another parent of a kid on the spectrum…and we’ve only just met.

Thanks so much for visiting me. It is amazing that we can so well connect to each other. I’m thankful for that.

I often think that when we do run into other members of our ‘tribe’, its like some power greater than we are knew that one or both of us needed the connection…and made it happen. And from that brief exchange comes the extra strength we need to get through the day.

And since God can’t always get the tribe members to zero-in on each other (with the multitude of jackasses in the world getting in the way), He gave us the blog world.

my head threatens to pop off when I think about what had to happen to set up that scene so you could be there for him…

It was a horribly painful story to hear, and I’m sure to tell. This poor child has some psychiatric disorder that no one can pinpoint. And Dad was just teetering on the edge of falling off the edge of a cliff, I think. It broke my heart. I was still crying about it when I got home…

Sometimes it’s amazing the people we meet on this journey and what we can do for each other. I’ve found the kind of support I was seeking through blogging and reading other people’s blogs. I’m not religious but it seems that we find the people we need when we need them the most. It’s amazing.

wow! I know it’s totally unrealistic, but I often wish the “tribe members” could all be neighbors so we wouldn’t have to deal with the rude neighbors who don’t understand my son. Anyway, I am so glad you were there for that man. How sad and touching. I am sure you were a comfort to him.

Are you on spring break?

Wouldn’t that be nice if we could have our own city? What a place that would be…emailing you, friend.