Saturday, August 2, 2014

They survived the first Sharknado, and now Fin and April are on their way to NYC to visit his sister and do some publicity for their book. April is excited over the attention, but Fin is pretty rattled. I mean, after all, "IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN."

I knew from the start that this one would be more ridiculous than the first, but in the first 10 minutes, Fin is already flying a freakin' plane and April is losing a hand! Soon enough, the sharks are milling around in the Hudson! They're headed for the Statue of Liberty! They're headed for the Mets Game!

The dramatics and overacting in this Sharknado are far superior to its predecessor. From her hospital bed, a handless April begs to be let go to help save Fin, just moments after she encouraged him to go alone! As they rush to the subway, a Mets fan declares: "it's fine! The 7 train is ALWAYS running!" A cab driver sends these poor suckers looking for weapons in Times Square, deeming it the "Crossroads of the World!" From a rooftop, Fin declares, "even the Sharknados are tougher in New York!"

The sharks also die in better ways this time. They get hit out to left field with souvenir bats. They get stabbed with bats while trespassing on the 7 train. They get thrown into a pizza oven by Biz Markie. They get bombs thrown on them by those slingshots you use for free t-shirts at games. A shark gets sliced in half with an NYFD-official chainsaw. NYers fire machine guns at the sky, and the sharks fall like rain. Kelly Ripa stomps on one with her shoe. Al Roker and Matt Lauer stab one with an umbrella.

The people die in better ways. The Statue of Liberty's head bowls over unsuspecting NYers. A shark plucks a tourist off the ferry. A shark swims onto the 7 train and eats a Mets fan. A cab driver gets chomped while trying to Tarzan-swing across Times Square. Even Damon from Shark Tank is a victim of the Sharknado. Plus, everyone and their mom is in this movie. Kelly Osbourne, Michael Strahan, Kelly Ripa, Mark McGrath, Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Perez Hilton, Biz Markie, Jared Fogel, Downtown Julie Brown, Billy Ray Cyrus, Judah Friedlander, Vivica Fox, Kurt Angle, Andy Dick...and more.

Thank you, Sharknado 2, for bringing me enjoyment on a day I really needed it. I'm struggling at work, adjusting to a new medication, and just feeling generally lousy. And sometimes you don't need a depressing and depraved horror movie...sometimes you just need something where a man pulls his ex-wife's wedding ring from a shark's stomach, and proposes to her again.