Celebrities at the NBA Playoffs – Who the F@#K are they kidding?

May 22, 2013

Whale halo, laydees end jenks…

Have you heard of BAS-KET-BALL?!

Whether you know or not, we’re nipple deep into the National Basketball Association’s playoffs. Right now, we’re at the second to last stage of this championship tournament, which are the finals of the Western and Eastern conferences, respectively.

In the WEST are the Memphis Grizzlies vs. the San Antonio Spurs – the Spurs are up 2 game to none. The Grizzlies were playing tremendously, but they’re getting kind of handled by the Spurs who are seemingly immortal.

In the EAST are the Miami Heat vs. the Indiana Pacers – their 7 game series starts tonight. Odd I know that one series has played 2 games before the other series has played 1, but that’s the NBA for you.

So, the NBA used to be the biggest back in the early to mid 90’s, which was the Jordan (not me, but Michael Jordan – I can understand your confusion) era. The NBA eventually lost traction after that crew retired and was turned over to Kobe Bryant, Allen Iverson, Tracy McGrady, and a mess of players that have been uniformly called selfish. During that period of time, the New York Knicks were absolutely revolting to watch or even think about. But long story short, the NBA is in an uptick as far as popularity with Lebron James, Kevin Durant, Carmelo coming to the Knicks, and people just coming to their senses.

I used to like Jason Sudeikis, but I’ve got severe mixed feelings about him now. He can be funny. At the same time, he’s also the voice of the Outback Steakhouse ads, so when I hear his voice I think of Outback and Outback makes me think of bloomin’ onion style messy diarrhea, which means I’ve been having some Pavlovian dump sweats when I hear Jason Sudeikis’ voice recently.

On the other hand, why am I talking about that when there’s Olivia Wilde’s boobs in this picture? I don’t know. Olivia Wilde is a mystery. She’s very beautiful and I feel like she has a really good acting movie in her. There’s also this thing where sometimes she looks like she weighs 80 pounds soaking wet and other times it looks like she’s got a nice pair of boobs. So, there’s that. And her last name is Cockburn, not Wilde, and that’s amazing.

You know, I would’ve guessed that Sting didn’t know how to clap his hands properly.

Is Jason Bateman remaking Teen Wolf 2?

Is that Felicity Huffman in the foreground and Edie Falco in the background?

Will Arnett is gangster.

Black on black on black on black on black forever. Also, are him and Bateman having a tiff? Why are they not sitting together?

Meh. No one cares.

Look at that chick wanting a fucking hole through your soul.

Blue Man Group aside, I really hope that chick is not a plant and this is just how she reacts when she sees someone taking a picture with or with not three bald and blue guys next to her. She looks to made-up to be real.

Edie Falco busting some major ass.

I do like that Willy is representing the Philly 76ers even though he is in Miami and rooting for Lebron.

Meanwhile, I’ve got no clue what the Hell is going on with his son’s shirt. Is his shirt from The Matrix? Is his shirt THE Matrix? It’s weird regardless. Also, you’re supposed to wear the colors of the team to these games and so far a lot of these celebs including Jaden are not doing that right. Miami is white, you’re in the complete opposite of that.

Ugh.

What’s more concerning in this picture – the guy hardcore thugging it behind Margaritaville or the hippie texting? Meh, I don’t know.

Did you know that Harrison Ford has an earring because of Jimmy Buffet? Doesn’t that make you hate Harrison Ford?

SI.com is telling me these two are from Kings of Leon and I would have absolutely no idea who they are if they didn’t do that. I would legitimately think that a picture of two dudes ended up in this gallery accidentally. I could have walked passed these two a million times and never think anything… well, I would think the dude with the beard looks like a roommate I had once in college, but that’s about it. Wouldn’t have thought these two were part of the brains behind YOU’RE SEX IS ON FIIIIIIRRRREEEE!!!!

Rick Ross is so gentle. Rick is also holding Udonis’ hand like he’s a blind.

And that kid looks like he is freaking out.

YES!

Floyd Mayweather is so rich and polarizing that all he hangs out with are white collar Jews he has on his payroll.

John McEnroe is having an acid flashback.

Josh Groban? Wouldn’t have noticed him if the website didn’t mention him. Whatever him and his boyfriend next to him are looking at on the jumbo screen appears to be very enjoyable judging by their faces.

What the fuck is going on here?

That’s what I’m thinking and that’s what Andrew Garfield is thinking. Not only is he thoroughly confused watching his first game of basketball, but he’s wondering why a guy that has been in a wildly successful movie and is apparently dating the lovely Emma Stone is still a loser enough to be going to a mandatory movie studio forced public appearance by himself. The girl next to him looks thoroughly unamused that she’s sitting next to this 15 year old man boy. And, the guy next to Andrew has burped the alphabet 4x since the start of the game.

Is Emmy Rossum a mannequin when she’s not showing her boobs on “Shameless”?

It looks like she’s trying to stay as still as possible as if she is worried the New Yorkers around her will smell her fear and pounce like grizzly bears. Also, I think that kid is about grab Emmy’s wrist to check if she has a pulse. He’s a smart kid.

I’m not for or against Rihanna going to Brooklyn Nets games completely naked except for those ridiculous shoes. Doesn’t she look like she’s naked?

Also, isn’t she fucking J.R. Smith from the Knicks? Why is she at a Nets game? Oh, Rihanna.

I think Jason “Outback” or “Steakhouse” Sudeikis is wearing the same outfit except for a different pair of shoes. Actually, upon closer inspection I believe that is a nearly identical hat, but a little darker. What’s going on in Sudeikis’ closet?

Is Olivia in the white shirt next to Sudeikis? If that’s the case, what the eff is this photographer doing not getting her into the picture?

As for Zach… Zatch… I love him.

That is all.

Whoopi looks like Tracy Morgan playing Whoopi.

Or Kenan Thompson.

Also, that’s Christine Taylor next to Whoop.

Katie Couric has got some legs on her.

Remember when we saw her butthole or I mean inside her butthole?

That would be amazing if that’s what they were showing on the jumbo screen at that very moment.

Also, Katie is 56… 4 more years!

Of course, Rainn Wilson would root for the Clippers.

I’m not surprised. If there was anything “indie” in Los Angeles it would have to be the Clippers.

Seriously… DOCTOR HUGO STRANGE.

NAILED IT!

What a genuinely boyish and good looking male.

I feel like the guy next to him has no clue what the score is as he’s contemplating how gay he can allow his brain to get thinking about Zac before he has to make some new life choices or possibly leave the arena.

It’s like this guy is shrugging as to say, “I don’t know who the fuck I am, either.”

Is this guy legitimately famous? Even reading his name didn’t help.

Yerp.

Double yerp.

Flea reminds me of Robin Williams. Am I the only one on that?

Also, him and Kieds don’t sit together?

He’s probably going through dementia as this point.

A mix of his age and all the drugs he’s kept himself on for the past 40-50 years, his brain has got to be mush. Like overcooked Bazmati rice.

This guy.

This guy who a very large percentage of the 18-40 population would leave their significant other for in a heart beat. I’m talking gay men and straight women. This is that guy.

Kind of disturbing.

I also watched his movie “Premium Rush” the other day because I hate myself and it was fucking awful as one would expect. On top of that, they have Jamie Chung playing an off the boat Chinese girl with an absurd broken English accent. They should’ve got Jessica Biel and taped her eyes slanty and had her mispronounce all L’s as R’s and it would’ve been less offensive. Maybe even throw a bow or two after each sentence.

Little known fact about Ryan Seacrest – he wakes up every morning and grades his looks on a scale from Pat Sajak to Zac Efron.

I think we’re all being violated by Jake Gyllenhaal.

It’s a mix of him wearing a black hat, his dark but prominent stare, his grungy looking clothing, and that he has both hands tucked away in his crotch.

Diddy is also so rich he only hangs out with Jews.

Everything about this picture is a bad look for Kevin Kline.

Everything.

One of the most popular stand-up comedians meeting the most brilliant comedic actor of his generation.

Can you believe how lucky we were at one time to have had Will Smith playing the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Jaleel White playing Steve Urkel AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME?

I think Jesse Eisenberg just caught a glimpse of the unseemly pack of weirdo aliens surrounding him and how he is in danger of them trying to impregnate him with one of their species’ babies.

Am I the only one thinking the guy next to him is pure evil, the guy in front of him is also a villain, and the things behind Jesse is not from this planet?

Who the Hell do you think is that old white man sitting between Justin Tuck and Michael Strahan?

Also, for some reason, I feel like they’re at a taping of Dr. Phil and not a basketball game.

I want that sweater.

Like now!

Was Michael J. Fox’s wife at all involved in the baby making process of this son?

He looks IDENTICAL to his dad. Honestly, I don’t even think it is his son and more likely a clone or an understudy who has gone to great lengths to look exactly like MJF.

And, is this the kid they wanted to keep away from Taylor Swift? In your dreams, kid.

New York Yankees designated hitter Billy Crystal, everyone.

Does anyone remember that? That was without a doubt one of the stupidest things I’ve seen in professional sports and specifically professional baseball and I’ve seen a lot of stupid things.

And finally…

Is that Guy Fieri?

Nah, couldn’t be. He has all those tattoos. Or are those tattoos only for the TV show?

…

Next time you feel like an idiot out in public, think about these pictures. Celebrities look like idiots too when they’re out in public, so you’re in good company.

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One Response to “Celebrities at the NBA Playoffs – Who the F@#K are they kidding?”

That’s Marcus Mumford with Jake Gyllenhaal. Why are they both wearing Yankees hats at a basketball game? Marcus has the excuse of being British and possibly mixing up our weird American sports. But Jake should know better.