raindrops keep falling on my head

Thursday, April 06, 2006

okay now that internet explorer has had a tantrum let me start this over. it is raining again tonight. it's expected to rain off and on all night so of course my mind will idly drift off to Roaming Soldier most of the night. i may come back and share all of that with but in case i don't just know that it will involve my nice tall paramour and i on either a park bench, the hood of a car, in the mud in the woods or christening every room in the house in the middle of a blackout with a few candles scattered about. yeah let me stop before i get all twitterpated. i got my hair done this evening. then i ran over to lane bryant to take advantage of their nice buy one clearance item get another clearance item free sale. no pants this time but i've grabbed pants the last two or three times i went in. and i found the white shirt i was looking for. now if i can just find the skirt lol.

it's amazing what two people can discuss when they know they have a limited amount of time to do so. typically we get about fifteen minutes to talk provided they aren't rushing off to drills, he's already talked to the littlest soldier and isn't completely exhausted. we both wake up long enough to talk but still it's not the lengthy hours we had spent on the wire talking before this all started. but then i was keeping him awake lol. he thinks he wants me to do that more in the future. i guess he hasn't understood that much like his daughter i really need about six hours to function like a human and beyond that i can talk and ramble on incessantly as well as read and watch tv to all hours of the night. i am all off tangent though. limited time has made us speed typers. we can be overwhelmed and sweet or intensely flirty and highly sexual. we can just be a "normal couple" and talk about our days for the time we have. granted that usually involves me running off about how interesting my caseload was that day but it makes him smile so i'm a happy girl.

in general though, he makes me a happy girl. he makes me feel very safe and highly sought after (blushing now lol) and just glad that i was interesting to him. RS and the whole Daddy phenomenon is interesting for me. you'd think i was trying to work out some unresolved issues with my father through becoming someone's "little girl" but i adored my father and we had a very healthy stable relationship. he was the very first man that made me feel ever so special, i guess i just like to have that feeling again. not every man can be "Daddy" though and i both respect that and cherish it even more when someone does fall into that role and assume it so totally. for someone that used to be a tomboy and loved it there is a strange transition to becoming "Daddy's little girl." i always spent a lot of time with him because well my mother was entirely too damn girly. i got to climb things and fix things when i was with daddy. i got asked what i thought and invited in on whatever conversations he was having. he encouraged my growth in all areas and me to explore the world at large but whenever i fell down and went boom he was there too. part of why my mother and i had issues was because i looked just like her but acted just like my dad lol. i digress. he made me feel like my own unique individual that was just fine the way i was. i didn't need to wear a dress to be a girl and i didn't need to be fascinated with boys to snag one. i could just be me and enjoy my life and yeah i can see now why i happily seek out men that remind me of him in those ways.

now the rest of the "Daddy" stuff has nothing to do with my dad at all lol. i like saying the word "Daddy" in bed. i like the idea of watching him and feeling him getting more aggressive and taking control of "his little girl." but outside of the nice soft mattress i like the idea of watching him treat me as his precious girl that must be taken care of and doted on. i like the idea of snuggling up with "Daddy" and having our discussion about the day before the subtle shift occurs and we are ready for a more adult form of interaction. i know that i can't call RS "Daddy" all of the time as it would truly confuse the littlest soldier. but i also know that in the moments that i can slide "Daddy" into his ear that he'll happily understand what i want and mean when it comes across my lips. yes i am really enjoying this and him so much.

okay i'm done nowgunning to be his big little girlred

Your Brain's Pattern

Your brain is always looking for the connections in life.You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first.You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker.You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.