HA Bible Study: Genesis 9:20-25

Genesis 9:20-25 Noah farmed the land and was the first to plant a vineyard. One day he got drunk and was lying naked in his tent. Ham entered the tent and saw him naked, then went back outside and told his brothers. Shem and Japheth put a robe over their shoulders and walked backwards into the tent. Without looking at their father, they placed it over his body.

When Noah woke up and learned what his youngest son had done, he said, “I now put a curse on Canaan! He will be the lowest slave of his brothers.”

One has to understand that in Noah’s family nakedness was code for his really atrocious farts. His farts were worse than the farts of cowboys who have been on the trail on the southward side of a herd on a northerly track. On occasion Noah would notice the potency of what he produced. He was a proud man. Though he was not Scottish he was proud of other things that he was sure would have won first prize at the fair. He was going to start such a fair to see if his was fairest in the land when he got this giant order to build a boat in the middle of nowhere. That Yahweh always paid well as a military contractor, but was also a jokester.

@4 Well that is because after 12 years Mohammed had only attracted his family and a few friends to his new movement. He thought by jazzing things up and going to Medina he could get the Jewish majority to convert. So he added a bunch of stuff and told the Jews that his religion and theirs were the same, just his was a bit improved. They told him to bugger off and then out came the swords, and the peoples of the book were made into second class or maybe even third class citizens, unless they converted.

@5 But how could there be two spellings in the most perfect book oh Allah? Why is it your book is not in English or is the language of that tribal leader the true language of Allah, and all must learn the language of Allah as it’s most perfect. Should we not all submit to you oh great Allah and learn your perfect language so we know the true name of your most perfect book? What say you Allah and will you say it in English or will you say it in your perfect language? We do have imperfect translators from Microsoft so please reply in your perfect language oh great Allah.

Oh yes great Allah your way is the way of peace. Only it seems to be the peace of the many dead left by your followers. Its perfectly ok that one lies to the non believer. Make treaties with them that will be broken when the army is ready to ride and turn those apostates unto death, their women raped, and them and their children slaves.

@1 It’s only 57 degrees Fahrenheit in Canaan, Israel at this time, and might make it to 90. Looks like it has a pleasant climate, and snow has occurred there at times. So much for the sweltering, and according to legend Noah and sons were way up in Turkey when this mythical event happened after the flood. Still where did Noah discover the grape vines to start his vineyard after the flood. No mention that he put seeds or vines or any plants on the ark, even to feed the animals.

Maybe Noah had a boner, and his son thought it would be kind to cover it up so as to not embarass Noah. Trouble is, when covered by a sheet, that’s what we called “pitching a morning tent” when I was a kid.

Of course I’m supposed to believe this story is of importance because of the great flood. Only the Ark is just a great story. This excerpt is not that just a fiction supporting the scribes and priests that nudity is bad. Manipulating people, other than what kid wants to see the old man or old woman and do the math and insight of I came from that.

@12 Bible does not say he had a boner. In fact it says this 600 year old man was drunk. Alcohol in the system means it’s harder to get it up. If you don’t believe me go ask your wife, or your male lover. Maybe you can experiment and get pissed and record the experiment. Why would sons think anything other than the old man is naked. So what unless the goal is to say nudity is bad, and Cannites should be slaves. Awfully odd position for a people who make such a big deal out of coming out of Egypt. Clearly it’s BS, but our western thought has this BS as a cornerstone. Not everything about Noah is bad as he loved the fruit of the vine. Shall we share a glass?

@13 Well those folks in the middle east, Especially the ones all armied up. The Qatar thing does not count as that is an Arab affair or just about the fact the Kingdom thinks Qatar is just part of the Kingdom that some Sheik got to first with the help of the British.

What the West should do is to make sure, when some suicide bomber lights off his firecracker, his remains are separated out, ground up in pig food and fed to the hogs at the local hog farm. The idea on one’s mortal remains ending up as pig shit scares the absolute hell out of these Muslim crazies, and enacting such a program might be incentive for them to stop acting like they’re the only people on the planet.

Plus it would give all us great satisfaction to terrorize the terrorists.

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