TOBACCO SLAVERY
Brings Ruined Health, Wasted Dollars
The most inveterate smoker or chewer will positively HATE tobacco in any form within one week, using KILL-TOBAC. Complete, guaranteed treatment costs only $1 postpaid. KILL-TOBAC is not a drug- or internal medicine. Leaves no bad effects. KILL-TOBAC ends the craving- simply and quickly. Men and women welcome this new, easy way to freedom from the Tobacco habit.

You’d think this might sell better if they just changed the headlines to: “Rub Naked Women for Money. Our Free Movies Show You How!”

YOU CAN BE A PHYSIOTHERAPIST

Be Your Own Boss Have Nicer Work

Earn More Money

Be a Person of Importance in Your Community

Here is a new, easily learned profession, originated by the sudden new demand for drugless methods of healing. The scientific name for the new calling is “Physiotherapy.” It requires no unusual manual skill and needs no supervised clinical practice. Hence any man or woman of mature intelligence can quickly master the fundamentals and enter this dignified profession, where the demand is urgent and the fees large.

Quickly produce saw music of amazing, voicelike beauty. Without knowing one note from another, without using music, soon play such songs as “Long, Long Trail”, “Till we Meet Again,” and other favorites old and new. No notes to read, no dreary practice â€” success guaranteed.

This is pretty gross, but apparently if you slather yourself in ground meat labeled “Energy”, “Strength” and “Muscle”, you will become a man!

What’s My Job? – I Manufacture Weaklings into MEN!

GIVE ME a skinny, pepless, second-rate body â€”and I’ll cram it so full of handsome, bulging new muscle that your friends will grow bug-eyed! . . . I’ll wake up that sleeping energy of yours and make it hum like a high-powered motor! Man, you’ll feel and look different! You’ll begin to LIVE!

United States Steel Corporation is another of the great American industries that have had the vision to realize the full benefits of Univac data-processing. For Univac, today, is providing U. S. Steel with the electronic management controls and procedures which are to revolutionize the business world of tomorrow.

Race with the leaves? Are you serious? That’s the best slogan you could come up with? To me a race implies a competitive event, with a winner and a looser. You don’t know who’s going to win from the outset, that’s what makes it a RACE. So what they are saying in this ad is: Cruising along on your Harley with the throttle all the way open, driving as fast as you can; you may still be passed by a leaf. You know a leaf, falling from a tree. Or kicked up by a light breeze.

Why not just say: “Harley Davidson – It’s faster than walking.”*

(except for very fast walkers)

Update: I saw (via Boing Boing) that the current Worth 1000 Photoshop contest is titled “Bad Ads“. I think that this ad fits the contest better than some of the actual entries, but they are very funny nonetheless. If you haven’t checked out the Worth 1K contests you should, they can be hilarious.

Race with the Leaves!
BREEZE down an Autumn road, free as the red leaves that swirl along with you. Open up the eager motor of your Harley-Davidson â€” feel the thrill of its power, the surge of its silent speed. What a motorcycle!

Have you seen the 1932 models? They are better performers than ever â€” handsomer, more comfortable, better equippedâ€”yet the prices are much lower.
Your dealer wants to show you these new Harley-Davidsons â€” and tell you about his Pay-As-You-Ride Plan. Why not look him up today?