First Blog on Heritage, Culture and Tourism in Pakistan

A secret U.S. surveillance drone that went missing last week in western Afghanistan appears to have crashed in Iran, in what may be the first case of such aircraft ending up in the hands of America’s adversary. Iran’s news agencies asserted that the nation’s defense forces brought down the drone, which the Iranian reports said was an RQ-170 stealth aircraft. The drone called ‘Beast’ is designed to penetrate enemy air defenses that could see and possibly shoot down less-sophisticated Predator and Reaper drones. It was a stealthy RQ-170 drone that played a critical role in surveilling the compound in Pakistan where Osama bin Laden was allegedly hiding in the months before the raid in which he was reported as killed by U.S. Navy SEALs in May this year.

·

(HATS OFF,OF COURSE, TO MONTY PYTHON)

·

by Pepe Escobar

.

A group of journalists attend a United States Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) press conference in a nondescript room in Langley, Virginia. Journalist 1 [approaching the podium]: Excuse me, I wish to register a complaint.

[CIA spokesman/spook does not respond.]

Journalist 1: ‘Ello, Miss?

CIA spook: What do you mean “miss”? I’m no Victoria Nuland, buddy.

Journalist 1: I’m sorry, I thought this was the State Department. I wish to make a complaint.

Journalist 1: All right then, if it’s restin’, I’ll wake it up! [Shouting at a joystick] ‘Ello, Mister Dodo Drone! I’ve got a lovely fresh IRGC [Iranian Revolutionary Guards Corps] target for you if you just show …

[Thumps joystick on the CIA spook’s lectern. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.]

Journalist 1: Now that’s what I call a dead drone.

CIA spook: No, no … No, it’s stunned!

Journalist 1: STUNNED?!?

CIA spook: Yeah! You stunned it, just as it was wakin’ up! RQ-170s stun easily.

Journalist 1: Um … now look, buddy, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That drone is definitely deceased, and when you guys issued a press statement a while ago, you assured us all that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired because of its prolonged secret mission.

CIA spook: There is no indication, I repeat, no indication, that Iran shot it down.

Journalist 1: But you’re missing a drone. It was on a secret mission. It crash-landed in Iran. And Iran says they shot the bloody thing down.

Journalist 1: NEVADA DESERT?!?!?!? What kind of crap is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back in Iran, of all places? By now the Revolutionary Guards must be throwing a party to the Russians, the Chinese, the Pakistanis, the North Koreans for God’s sake, so everyone can rip your technology apart, for a price …

Journalist 1: Look, the IRNA news agency took the liberty of examining that drone after it crash-landed, they discovered that, yes, it was nailed to the soil of eastern Iran. [Pause]

CIA spook: Well, o’course we nailed it over there! If we hadn’t nailed that drone down, it would have flown away and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Journalist 1: “VOOM”?!? Buddy, this drone wouldn’t “voom” if you sent the Navy SEALS Team Six to give it an electric shock. It’s bleedin’ demised!

CIA spook: No no! It’s a trick! It’s a top-secret counter-insurgency trick to fool the enemy!

Journalist 1: It’s not a bloody trick! It’s passed on! This drone is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet its industrial-military complex maker! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace in a Shi’ite paradise! Its metabolic processes are now history! It’s off the twig! It’s kicked the bucket, it’s shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-DRONE!! [Pause]

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the ‘Wonders of Pakistan’. The contents of this article too are the sole responsibility of the author(s). WoP will not be responsible or liable for any inaccurate or incorrect statements contained in this post.

YOUR COMMENT IS IMPORTANT

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF YOUR COMMENT

Wonders of Pakistan supports freedom of expression and this commitment extends to our readers as well. Constraints however, apply in case of a violation of WoP Comments Policy. We also moderate hate speech, libel and gratuitous insults.

We atWonders of Pakistanuse copyrighted material the use of which may not have always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We make such material available to our readers under the provisions of “fair use” only. If you wish to use copyrighted material for purposes other than “fair use” you must request permission from the copyright owner.