My name is Shawna and I am a CD from Cleveland, Ohio. I am writing to ask you a question about visiting your store, Take A Walk On The Wildside in Toronto and something I am hoping you will be able to help me with. I am a white male who is looking for, I guess you would say, a black female look. I know to some it is an odd request, but each of us girls is looking for something different. I was just wondering if you could help. I have visited before and was very satisfied. I was a little scared about asking for the black girl look when I was there last. So I am writing to you to find out ahead of time before I make the journey up there again. If you would be as kind to let me know if this is possible.
A Satisfied Customer,
Shawna

Dear Shawna,

Shawna is a very beautiful name by the way. Some people I have known have burned cork black and transferred the blackness to their faces and exposed body parts. But hold on there is an easier way. Cork stain remains for weeks. Try the Pecan face makeup we carry (deep brown) which will ensure the ultimate Tina Turner look. Since you have intrigued me with doing the black look I must confess that I have always had a passion to try it myself. Pecan High Definition Founmdation and some loose powder will keep your look in place all-night and even in the rain. What a riot to go out on the town as two black sisters! Being a couple of transvestites already draws attention. If we were to do the "black thing" together in drag in a tasteful manner we could bring the house down wherever we went. Give us a call at Wildside when your plans come together and I will make sure that there is enough Pecan High Def for both of us.

Hugs, Roxy

Dear Roxy,

I was at the party on the last Tuesday of July and got a chance to meet one sexy CD and I also saw two lovely maids in full regalia. I was wearing 4-inch open toed heels, shiny chaps, and Silver beaded Cleopatra headpiece. I also put my vanilla friend in white Japanese rope bondage and finger bondage. Did you by any chance see me there?

Anyway I am very interested in communicating more with cross dressers and I recently posted a message on soc.support.crossdressing and soc.subcultrue bondage.bdsm-femdom. I wonder if you could point me in the right direction. Here is my post: (Please post your information in a TAB personal because I believe it would be more appropriate --Roxy).

Dear Cleo,

I was there but if you remember me I was tied to the Saint Andrew's cross and I was getting a proper flogging from the famous Madame de Sade. I am now the Property of Madame de Sade and I have two T-shirts that say on the front "Hands Off" and on the back "Property of Madame de Sade". Not all us crossdressers are into SM like me. It is a great thrill to be in bondage and to be controlled and punished while being in drag with a Mistress who knows what she is doing. Let me digress. I recently met a dungeon Master and we got drunk. I just could not resist going to his dungeon for the experience. He had all the equipment that one could imagine and I was in it all. I am glad to take this moment to re-emphasize that SM has to be SAFE, SANE and CONSENTUAL. My experience was none of the above and I ended up in the Hospital. Roxy always answers questions with God's truth! The physicians knew and I am now fine. In deference to you my dear Cleo, beware! There are definite sadistic freaks out there that run dungeons. There are also wonderful people in the same business. Choose wisely, please, if you are so inclined.

Thanx for this moment, Roxy

Hi Roxy,

Does anyone know of any good personals site for cross-dressers? Specifically in Toronto, Canada? I am not sure if things are going to work out with my sunflower on a more permanent basis because he doesn't have the time to develop a deeper relationship. He is a sweetiepie but his headspace is somewhere else right now. I am really seeking a loving, deep, intense and long-term relationship with a cross-dressing submissive. I think this will probably be really hard to find because not only is it difficult to find a submissive who believes in the same d/s style of relating but who also is wonderful in a vanilla way and then to be a cross-dresser. Beauty is unimportant to me, but I feel that most cross-dressers have this sexy "je ne sais qoi"(I don't know) about them. And then let's throw in the part about wanting to get married and maybe have at least one child - adopted or natural. The information that I am aware of is that cross-dressers are usually already married. Woe is me. Anyway, do you think it is possible to find what I am looking for? (Wondering why she is asking this question) *s

If you are interested in knowing why I want to be with a cross-dressing submissive please reply to Lady1Sun@yahoo.com.

This is not a personal ad by the way, because if it were I would be listing requirements and stating who and what I am all about. If you live in Toronto and want to get this information please send an email. If you live in Toronto and want to be platonic friends, for example: someone to go dancing with, shopping with, having a girl's slumber party with, etc. I would love to hear from you. If you know of any good url's please pass
that on too.

I love that male to female cross-dressers are the ying and yang, perfect balance of a being. Nothing could be more beautiful.

Warmest smiles, Lady Sun. To use you, is to love you.

Dear Lady Sun,

All seriousness aside I fit your requirements perfectly but I am too busy with my wife and my personal Dominatrix. I hope that your "non-advertisement" gets some response. I cannot guarantee that the editor of TAB will print your url. Perhaps going the personal-ad-route in TAB Magazine (where I am publishing your requests) might catch you more interested folks than going via the Internet. I know that there are a lot of passive transvestites in the Toronto area. Roxy and Wildside are not a dating service however.

Best of luck, Roxy

Dear Roxy,

Someone sent this to me and I want to share it with you and your readers. It gives us another way to look at the gender differences. Once you read this, tell me - Do we, as crossdressers really want to be more like women?

A man will spend $2.00 for a $1.00 item that he wants. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she doesn't want.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes -- there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good looking as they were when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting that he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, then she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the start of a new argument.

Love,
Karen Fox

Dear Karen,

I have come to know you very well over the years and you are a very special CD sister. I shall remain married and remain a transvestite and take my chances. What a profound piece of thinking.

Thanx, Roxy

Dear Roxy,

A young couple, just married, was in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband who was a big burly man tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.
"That's right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man and I wear the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Heck," he said, "I can't get into your panties!"
She replied, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your attitude changes!"

Your friend, Pam

Dear Pam,

I believe the gentleman in your scenario should come to our Wildside Boutique and buy a larger pair of panties that will fit him. It always seems to me that it is these Macho jerks that are the latent transvestites. Likely with her strong attitude he will soon experience forced womanhood and become her sissy maid (I hope for him).

Thanx for the story, Roxy

Dear Roxy,

I am having a Computer Software Problem.

I'm currently running the latest version of Microsoft GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of MS DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off.

But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my MS Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.

I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.

The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.

Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning child processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialisation where it can monitor all other systems activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight10.3, BeerBash 2.5 and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected. (Even though they worked fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-ins such as Mother-in-Law 55.8 and Brother-in-Law Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0

A "Don't remind me again" button
A "Minimize" Button
An install shield that allows wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to
uninstall at any time with no loss of cache or other system resources.
An option to run the network in promiscuous mode which would allow the
System's hardware probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you can not install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0, you must uninstall girlfriend 1.0 first. Others say this is a long-standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O Port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing that sucks - all versions of Girlfriend continually pop up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

******BUG WORKAROUNDS********
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and
never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also beware of
similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may
affect Wife 1.0

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an
anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be
downloaded from the UseNet.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Kevin

Dear Kevin,

You are either a computer genius or you are totally full of shit or both! How come nobody that I know who knows computer software has ever heard of these love triangles and marital and domestic problems going on inside a computer. I believe, sir, that you are an amazing smartass but you have fallen into good company because it takes one to know one. In fact I thought my goat was missing and for a while there and I was convinced that you had it. What a computer romp! I have always been a believer that if you tell anyone anything with a straight face or in a convincing manner, they will believe it. Thank you for taking up our space and we all will certainly beware of those nasty viruses.

With technical loving, Roxy

Dear Roxy, (Author's Note: Study this message with your S.O.,Roxy).

Well Hon., here is your special request order filled.... As you desire, I open the back door of my world to you. Wouldn't it be nice for everyone to get an inside look at the world in a woman's mind? Slide over......give me a bit of room, and I will tell you woman's ways.

THE WORLD OF THE GG-volume 1

Six O'clock AM rolls into place upon my clock, and a gentle hum of voices and music tells my brain I must wake now. Of course I cannot ruin the feeling of semi slumber at that moment, so my arm finds its way out of the cozy blankets to slap the snooze button. Umm I am awake, yet my body is so relaxed and warm. I lay there cuddled in my covers using this time to get my mind going to start my day. These minutes are a daydream state. Erotic moments where I think of my imaginary secret lover.....This is the one whom, either, I have had in the long past, or the one I am with, or the one I dream I was with, or the one of pure fantasy.

When my body is warm and puffy and soft in the morning twilight, my mind is truly sensual. If the daydream is good I will allow it more time, by slapping the snooze button for several repetitions. My conscious mind must take over at one point and battle with my daydream to get out of bed and continue with the responsibilities of my day......

The sun is peeking over the rooftops as I gaze at my closet trying to figure out what to wear. A quick analysis of the weather outside, as I pay close attention to the meteorologist on the radio, will help me decide the apparel for the day. Always, there are three choices. I can never choose just one. Then female logic starts to rule the choice, breaking them down.....one by one:

Will I be around a lot of women today?..............then I choose the most elegant.

Will I need to be carrying anything that could pick a garment?.............then spandex is out.

Will I be around a lot of men today?...............then something to show off my cleavage.......(lets face it.....cleavage is power ) Hey! I am not a feminist! I can say that!

I do not dress once I have made my choice. The clothes are the last thing to be done. Cuz, God forbid I should put them on and get toothpaste or makeup on them, and have to go through the damn choosing process all over again!

Next, is the bathroom.....Decisions, Decisions.......Shower or bath? How do I make this choice? Well, for me it is based on the level of dryness of my skin. Are my feet dry?............then a bath. Do I feel that my feet are supple?.........then a shower. Oh my logic may hold no real bearing, but I honestly find that my feet stay more moist after a bath, than if I shower. So no matter how much time I have.........If it is a bath day it is a bath day. In the cleaning process, no matter which I choose, the shaving must be done. Oh yes.......eeewwww all you wish. The thought of the hair in the tub is revolting.....yes, but I will swish around the water as I get out of the tub, as to not have any stick to me. (GG logic) Actually the basic cleaning is done in the tub or shower, but the intense preening is done at the sink.

I check my watch and my first 30 minutes has passed by. Next I go to the sink, stare in the mirror and make a close examination of the skin on my face. Judgement time.......blackheads or no blackheads?.........any stray mutant hairs?........any brow to be plucked?.........My fingers delicately run over my skin feeling for any abnormalities in the geography.

Then of course the regimen of skin care takes place.....facial cleanser, toner, moisturizer. Each applied as step by step. A quick wipe over the eyes with an eye makeup remover gets rid of excess cream and residue of any makeup from the previous day.........and I am ready to create my glamour. (Notice all has taken place before any food or beverage consumption. GG logic- once I am in the bathroom I do not wish to return later for any task except the toilet.)

My fingers rub through my hair before I start the makeup. I judge at this moment which is gonna be first.....makeup or hair. If my hair is just dry enough I will do the hair. No more than one minute with the blow dryer and my style is set. Brush......push, brush.........push, flip, flip, flip............and done. Makeup is simple. The quicker, the better. Eyeliner, top and bottom. Eye brow pencil to highlight the brows. And Black mascara to finish the job. That is it, and I am ready. Oh damn, my teeth. Brush and floss. Meticulous care to be taken with the teeth. A ritual obsession. White, white, white...no debris. Now I am ready for food and beverage.

Food after teeth!? Yes. But after food a little flossing goes on. AGAIN. Once I have eaten breakfast I can dress. Up to my room I go. I look at the clothes and decide if I need to make any last minute change.....then I dress.

Of course I never put out the hosiery, and it is always a challenge to find a good pair of pantyhose in my drawer. I have no idea how those ones with the run got back in my drawer, but they did, and of course I found them and put them on. Damn! Rip off the hose and dig in the drawer for another pair.

On a busy morning with time shortages, Murphy's law prevails: three pair of hose with runs, bad hair, and crappy eye lining job, always set the day back, no matter how prepared you are. And of course the worst!......get on the outfit and find out you look dowdy in it! Ugg! That means three more choices from the wardrobe and the whole damn thing has to start over again! Well, after one and a half-hours of preparation, it seems I am completed and my world can move now at any time. The day could be filled with any number of tasks...work, shopping, visiting, and appointments. It does not really matter what I am doing. What does matter is the moment when I meet up with my gal friends.

Women's ways are always the same........intense sharing goes on when gals get together and talk. Women compare everything. They compare every thing from bodily function to the size of their man's penis. Discussions are intense and detailed. And of course, advice prevails in all conversations. Sharing, comparing, and advice- the three motivations of women's conversations.

So if your woman has come to a conclusion about something....remember it was a group consensus and there is no way you will change her mind.....for many woman had input in that decision, and they will all agree in the end.

And public toilet conversation is the best you know. This is a moment when a woman can give a perfect stranger advice on life interests. Usually child rearing, and conversations about surgeries take place in the public toilet. God knows how it all starts....but there is a need for camaraderie amongst women. They never miss up a chance to increase the population of the sisterhood.

I guess you have noticed that I have left male and female interaction out of this piece so far....Well, that is intense, and the conversations we can have on that is endless. I would really like to leave that for another day so we can address it deeply.

I will leave you with one thought on romance: Sex. Sex is an act that is prepared for early in the evening. Emotional preparation takes place before sunset. Not at 11:00 PM after the news. So if you want to encourage a woman to have sex.....the work begins before dinner. A little touch or a hug, a nuzzle and a few romantic words will signal her to prepare herself for her romantic interlude. If you do not give her the signal she is bound to spend an hour in the bathroom before bed preening instead of cuddling.

Think about it!....how many times have you thought to yourself....."Umm I wouldn't mind getting some tonight", as you crawl into bed. Only to be disappointed that she spent too long in the bathroom doing God- Knows-What! and by the time she does surface...you are almost asleep. She wasn't intentionally avoiding you, she was preening and cleaning. She just didn't hear that you were interested before she entered the magical realm of the bathroom.
Well, Roxy, I hope I have given your readers some insight on women's ways: just let me know what you wish to know about next.

Your GG friend, Amy

My Dear GG Friend Amy,

(Many of my readers live vicariously somewhere between you and me)
I have answered a lot of stuff but yours I find to be the most perceptual for the S.O. who is living with a transvestite (especially if she does not know). To answer most of my moments are erotic A.M. moments when I may have orgasms deciding on my wardrobe for my work day. There are no secrets that I live a fantasy life as a Shop Girl at Take A Walk On The Wildside Boutique. What I wore before is certainly important to me because repeat costumes would make people think that I slept in my clothes. My mind is also sensual in the morning. I get anxiety dreams about what to wear. Therefore I do not need a snooze alarm. Remember that I am not just a transvestite with a closet full of clothes. I am a transvestite with a store and a closet full of worldwide suppliers to our Boutique Take A Walk On The Wildside. Think about the haunting A.M. question of "What clothes I have to wear"?

If I am around women, then I will dress feminine and put on makeup. I love spandex and I do not worry about if the fabric were to be picked (by industry or animals) but rather that if were to picked out in a crowd by women. I love being out in public blatantly demonstrating androgyny. Men completely miss my message but women check out my "look" for them selves to try.

In the morning I electric shave, tie my straight blonde shoulder-length hair up in a ponytail, and do a "P.T.A" in the sink if I am in a hurry. A "P.T.A" means "Pussy, Tits and Armpits" and I spray my toes with Lysol Spray. I have three razors, all electric. Two are for my face and one is for my body (none of them have three spinning heads and I never 'wet' shave before facial makeup). More specialized eye makeup remover pads and soap and water cut last night's makeup. If I were going to work there would be no makeup showing on my face. To digress' the first biggest moment of my transvestism day is to sit on the john with a cigarette and a beer. My anticipated shitting patterns govern my women's wear. It is easier for a guy to "hang a rat" and take a leak by pulling aside delicious one piece spandex women's clothing than it is to take it all off and have a full crap. More than attitude but because of my need for a sit down shit fixes my crossdressing day -- a significant difference for a real GG.

When I am dressed, that is it. "I' am on the inside looking out. I forget that I am crossdressed as a Shop Girl in the Wildside Boutique. Guys are not as particular or fussy as you GG's when we meet . "Group Consensus" and "Toilet Talk" are rubbish to my TV sisters. We form our own mutual support group at Wildside.

By the way, your girl who did not get the evening sexual message was probably because most TV's already jerked off in front of a mirror and they are really sleepy. Remember that a Guy's sexual timing is perfect. GG's Beware!!

I hope we have raised a few brows, Thanx Roxy

Dear Roxy,

Thank you for the insight to your cross-dressers intimate realm. I learned a lot. And as per your request...........I share with you again.

Marriage:

It is my opinion that a marriage based on Love alone is at risk of not surviving. For, to carry it on such a strong emotion (Love), puts the relationship at risk of the power of other strong emotions as well. Hate and Jealousy rate high in such emotional bonds as sister kin to the experience.

A good relationship should mainstay on Trust and a deep "Like". (The term "Like" will receive more definition later in this article - Roxy). For without these things as the foundation of the bond..... the Love is too dynamic. Love swings like a pendulum if the relationship has no root of Trust and a deep Like. True Love melds the three emotions so the Love is not dynamic. True Love does not change. It is unconditional. No matter what the individuals do in the marriage, the deep feeling of love is there and does not end. True love for a partner is exactly like the feeling one has for their children. That love that shines no matter how nasty or miserable those babies get........you cannot help but hold them and feel that glow within.

When we are young and in Love we romanticize our world. We are so happy and feel so strong with our partner. It is the spark to the long term relationship.

When we settle in with our partner it is Trust that makes the relationship grow. The bond that is the glue of the foundation.

When we are in the long haul it is the Like that keeps us communicating and learning within the relationship. The Like establishes the foundation. It is what we have in common, and what we live vicariously through our partner. And it is what sparks our imagination to seek out more new things in our world. The experience part of the relationship grows because of the Like.

It seems that when I define Like as something of tangible strength, I may confuse people.
I guess it is a GG thing. I believe that women put a lot of value in Like. This kinship and camaraderie in Like is defined between women, and possibly not defined between men.
Women have friends they Like. This is really like a deep bond of experience and similar interest and dreams and desires. This is Like. This feeling can grip a woman and she will go to the ends of the earth for another, without the need for the depth of Love to be included in the equation.
This is like a sisterhood, a sharing....an interest sparking, fun seeking, commitment giving, secret
sharing, to the ends of the earth for you... kinda bond. But still it is not Love, it really is deep Like. It is so easy for women to share with each other very emotional and gripping events in this Like. Not to be taken lightly though. This bond is available for men to share with women as well. Thus its need in the relationship.

In Romance the Trust and Love move together in a swirl crossing over the imagination realm and coming back to reality. It pits deep desire and sparks need. It feeds our longing.

I said to a friend who has been married for close to 60 years...."Wow, your marriage must be great!" She said, "No, right now it is not so great. We had 2 great years, then the next 5 were rough, then 4 great years, 9 rough, then 12 great years, and so on and so on."

It was this comment the truly brought home to me the evolution of relationships in marriage. The outside forces of our world are dynamic on a marriage. So we need Trust, Like, and Love, together to make a marriage strong enough to withstand the reality of life.

Your GG Friend, Amy

Dear Amy,

What a surprise for me that transvestites get married. That is when the shit really starts to happen. I would like to offer the suggestion that relationships are much bigger that the practice of marriage. Marriage formalizes and legitimizes intimate sexual practices between consenting adults ready to make a lifetime commitment to each other. However marriage still has the romantic overtones of Hollywood where we know that Love, Trust and eternal, devotion are part of the impossible dream. Hate and jealousy are more predictable and eternal that true love. A point well posited in your letter is love between parents and their children. This is true love. Certainly without the fluids generated in our youth sparked by romanticized love there would be none of here. Trite as it may seem in "long haul" is damaged by routine. One works at his job, goes home for dinner, fucks his wife and sleeps. "Like" is a concept that I wish all crossdressers could accomplish with their significant other to enrich a flagging relationship and put spice back into a basic life routine which is called a "rut". As a lighter side to the crossdressing, my wife has lost over 60 pounds. Now I cannot find my clothes because she is wearing. I am actually stuck with feminine clothes that I have to wear on a daily basis.

I had to ask Amy for a further definition of "Like" because I had never heard the terminology used in a manner connected to relationships. What was revealed to me as a transvestite is that although relationships among male crossdressers does indeed not contain love as part of the equation, there is a powerful male bounding as TV sisters that matches of supercedes the Like among women. Like is not a sacrosanct phenomenon just among women. Heterosexual TV's share this too.

All relationships are very tough. Committed significant others weather many difficult storms. The most significant outside forces on a marriage are more that dynamic. Let the neighbors find out that your spouse is a transvestite. He will be immediately if not sooner be judged as gay. Tell you S.O. that he or she is too fat. Criticize your S.O.' driving or try to teach her how to drive a standard transmission. I would like to add sharing and especially sharing of communications with a S.O. Closet TV's lose very quickly the respect of their partner. As Roxy I am a gender activist, "free at last, free at last"! Even though I am a gender activist, I must commend you Amy for putting Marriage and relationships into a clearer perspective. Without Love, Trust and deep Like there would be no lasting marriages especially for transvestites

Thanx Amy, Roxy.

Hi Roxy

I've been a crossdresser since I learned how great it felt to have satins and silks next to one's body, particularly sliding across one. From the first day (circa 1955) I have been addicted to that feeling and the clothing that produces it. I used to enlist my sister's aid in dressing in
some clothes I found in a spare room we had upstairs when we lived in Stouffville. I could tell you many stories about my past, but I don't want to bore you.

For the past year, I have been 'reaching out'---alt.com, friendfinders.com,chat lines, etc, etc, etc. You must admit, at first it's exciting to write and read messages with people you don't know and can't see----but after a while, it gets pretty frustrating. I've made a few 'dates' over the net through those organizations, but have not found that many have lasted beyond a single meet.

I am not sure what I want, but I have found that a male does not excite me (not yet anyway). And yet, I still want to dress up as Barbara and go out. Not just outside; I want to be taken out on dates--I want to go to dances--I want to be wanted, but I do not want to be screwed--neither
literally nor figuratively.

This morning, I took my wife downtown -Bay & Dundas to do some overtime -- and went over to 161 Gerard E. I sat in front for 35 minutes and watched dogs playing in the park. They were having a ball! Why not? Their lives are so uncomplicated! Anyhow, I spoke briefly with Millicent next door as she arrived. I noticed you didn't 'open' till 10 AM. Should I knock or ring the bell? Well, I might get somebody up, so I guess not. I don't want to appear to be desperate, or searching, or lost, or critical, or ..... etc. ...etc. So I left at 8:35 , drove home to Brampton, and decided to write this. Incidentally, I was wearing panties, half slip and bra under
my pants and shirt. I often do!

On one of Mysti's photo panels, I saw the most gorgeous pink satin formal gown -- I said to myself "I wish that were mine and I was wearing it at a dance!"

Keep the faith and keep coming to Toronto and plan to stay over night here at our bed and breakfast at Take A Walk of the Wildside. The are of the city that we are in is the most 'happening' area for TV's in Canada. Phone ahead and plan to spend a Friday or Saturday night or both and go out on the town with some of our fellow sisters. Mysti will certainly help you out.

Good luck, Roxy

Dear Roxy

I am 20 and live in Montana and have experimented with crossdressing a little bit, but would love to have a transformation done like you perform. I don't know if I could afford to come to Canada though. I was wondering if you had any suggestions? Is there anyplace close to me that I could go? Or how could I get someone to give me a complete makeover? It would really be
great if I could do this. So if you can help at all, please get back to me.
I would really appreciate it.

Thanks, Montana boy.

Dear Montana,

Buy our educational makeup video, So You Want To Be A Crossdresser, Eh? My darling wife Paddy has also produced a book which parallels the video called, The Illustrated Crossdresser and Drag Queen Makeup Guide. These items show a TV how to start off with an afternoon look. Then they demonstrate how to affect an evening look. The next illustrated phase is the Drag Queen look. Remember that all these procedures require much practice. Initially you may end up looking like a Drag Queen because your original makeup applications will not be very subtle. Also, buy the U.S.A. publication Transgender/Tapestry (which we also sell here at Wildside) that will inform you of the various support groups in your area. All TV groups are very friendly and extremely support of our sister's needs. Don't forget to browse the Internet.

Hope I helped a little, Roxy

Dear Roxy

Do you have a corset that cinches down, really cinches down? I've got a 34
inch waist and would like an hour glass figure. The tighter the better. And
do you have anything to hide my cock and balls so there is no bulge just
completely smooth if someone were to run there hand down between my legs. I'm
getting ready to buy some heels, is it hard to learn how to walk in them.
And how high should I start with. And what it the best height to create some
really shapely legs?

Thanks, Tom

Dear Tom,

Wildside can order you the most restrictive corset that will restrict 4" to 6" less than your present belly with no sucking. This will cost you $200 plus shipping and handling and it will be here within 7 to 8 business days. The body length is 7" and it you pull yourself in so tight you will exude body fat on both top and bottom especially in a tight dress. It is like multiple seat belt fabric and it designed to do the job. I use a more forgiving corset that comes in white and black that is broader for $300. The one you want will indeed cinch you down to 18" if you are so mad (I know because I had one). With respect to heels, they were not designed for humans in the first place and they do require training. I can work in the store fore 9 hours in 4" stiletto heels (I have trained).

Nice to talk with you Tom, Roxy,

Dear Roxy,

I'm not out yet so please don't print my name. But hi, my name is (Lonnie -changed). I'm 5ft. 7 inches tall and 117 pounds. With long brown hair and bright green eyes and long eye Lashes. Sounds great does not it? The only problem is that I'm a boy. Sad but true. My mom still thinks that I'm just another long-haired, rock star, to be, type dude but I'm not. Find the only clothes that I have ever come out in were my sister's. I like to dress up DA! But I can't come out full because it would just hurt to many stupid but nice people.

I don't hide because I'm a chicken, I hide because I don't ant to lose my home or my family. I think most people would even risk their lives to save their families. So why is it some TV's, CD's, can't understand, or think that is wrong for me to hide the small fact that I wear a bra? It is not wrong for someone to try and keep the loved ones from harm and anybody who thinks that it is -is crazy- my family and friends come first the movement for crossdressers rights comes second. My dying in battle is not going to help me or you girls win the war against closed minds. Your/our cause is just and you are in the right and in about a zillion years you will win. But I'm in the right too by wanting to protect my world.

Every situation is different, you must grant me that because no two humans are the same. And it makes me mad to hear all of these Joan of Arc transgender yelling "stand and fight for our rights". They no doubt have already made a mess out of there past lives and now have nothing else to lose. But I do and I don't want to go stand in the ashes and rubble with the screaming lets fight a war we can not win. It won't do any good. There is another way there has to be don't you think? At the time I feel very, very, all alone and I could use a big sister or six, but slash and burn tactics ain't going to cut it. I'm passable and people just seem to accept me better in a dress.

With me it isn't "are you a man or a mouse"? Is more like are you a skinny little geek or a girl??? I mean which one would you pick. But we live clear out in Mormon, cowboy, redneck land and there isn't even one person like me or even someone who would understand why I cry. In the city there is a couple of saber rattling TV. Groups but no one I dare trust with our family secrets. And I can't even find a boy who would love me for who I really am. Right now I am at the point - as in so pointy that I can't really go bra-less anymore without being stared at and I can't wear a bra without getting killed. I still live at home with my mom and my older sister Maria (name changed), which make things easy for me clothes wise, because we are all just about the same size. But it also makes it harder for dressing up and it limits the time I can be pretty.

I like sugar and spice and everything nice. Ribbons and bows, high heels and pantyhose, but I'm stuck in Hicksville. I'm out of school now but I'm having a hard time finding a job in this small dorky town. My mom says it's because of my long hair but I think it might have something to do with the fact that I don't even have my own f--king car yet. Anyway I'm stuck and I don't want to hear another person say: "You go girl" ! Because I can't and I don't want to ruin my family but I am on your side and I too could sure use a friend and a hug once in a while. Anyway I just thought you people might like to hear one small voice from the third side of the world.

Thanks for listening,
Lonnie.

Dear Lonnie,
You are not alone out there in the sticks. Very informative writing.
Thanx, Roxy

Hi Roxy

I am just bursting with good news.

Oh, before I tell you that though, I gotta tell you I am going to my very first bridal shower on Saturday in Ottawa. The Chair of the 1999 Gay Pride is a lesbian and she is getting married. She has invited the members of Gender Mosaic, since we are all girls too, to attend her shower. I am so delighted to live this experience for sure.

Anyway, here is what happened to me. For a while now my wife and I have been tense with each other. I knew why. She suspected that I was practicing the transvestism, and she felt that I was trying to replace her with it. I told her that that was not the case. She asked me to be honest, so I was. I told her that I felt that she wanted a man, and since I did not feel that I was a man, and that I had never wanted to be a man, that I felt she did not love me for who I was, but that she was willing to take whatever I wanted to give to her in terms of a nice house, a nice life style and stuff like that. I told her that I wanted her to have these things because I loved her.

I finally told her that I would be completely honest with her. I explained that I was in fact a transsexual, but that because of what I felt for her and for the grand children, that I could live with not changing my sex. She asked me if I would change if she was not in the picture, and I told her that I would.
But I did tell her that I had determined that I had to at least wear lingerie nearly daily. I also told her that if she dropped in to my office unexpectedly, to not be surprised if I was wearing clothes that she had not seen before, because I had a lot of masculine looking ladies clothes, and it helped me to handle the stress of my dual character, if I could at least wear them. I told her that I was going to continue to keep myself hairless from now on too.

She told me that she loved me, and if that was what I really was, then she loved me still. She asked me to just not do it at home, and I agreed.She'd been upset because I would sometimes go to courses and not want to take her. I told her it was because I liked to go to places that catered to girls like me. I told her about you and Tom, and about Wildside. She said she could live with that. She is not too happy, but she feels that her love for me is more than what she may feel about me not being a man.

I told her that I belonged to Gender Mosaic in Ottawa. She asked a few questions, then said she could live with that. I told her I was going to a Bridal shower this Saturday. She said she could live with that too, as long as I did not bring it home.

We made love for the first time in months. For the first time in my life, I feel that she really does love me. It is wonderful.

The other good thing that happened is this.

I had agreed, through e-mail to buys some clothes. The person was selling clothes in my size, 16 top and 14 bottom, but I am a petite and she is not, so I will have to have the skirts shortened. I agreed to buy 2 dress suits, 10 pairs of matching bras and panties, and ten pairs of thigh high stockings for $126 US, including the shipping.

I got the package yesterday. It had 1 dress, one dress suit, three beautiful skirt suits, one of the most lovely sleep sets I have ever seen in black silk with red roses design, which consisted of panties, bra, night gown and wrap. It is gorgeous. She also sent me 5 other skirts, and an Eton styled military jacket (very pretty) As for the bra and panty sets? She sent me 21 sets and they are all gorgeous, in satins and silks, and lacy bras. She included four other pairs of satin panties too. For the thigh high nylons, I had asked for ten. She sent me 43 pairs, still in their packages, as well as 11 bags of panty hose with 3 pairs in each bag. She also sent me 7 pairs of ultra sheer nylons too.

I felt like I'd been in heaven. The suits were all a far better quality than I had anticipated them to be as well.

So, this little girl is in heaven this week.

My wife knows that I am going to be staying at Wildside, and that is acceptable to her, and you have no idea of how good that feels to me. The only thing that she does not know about me now, is how much Debi loves guys. I think I could not tell her that too.

I am so looking forward to seeing you guys in a couple of weeks. By the way, I did find a manufacturer of nylon underwear for men, and the stuff is actually pretty cheap. It is $4.90 for a T-shirt and $4.90 for briefs. Not too bad, Eh? (that is about $12.00 Canadian)

Bye for now.
Debi

Dear Debbie,
Your input into this column is always appreciated. I guess our readers will remember you as a key writer for Reluctant Press with something like twelve titles to your name so far.

Don't be a stranger, Roxy.

Dear Roxy,

Every Christmas Eve I feel alone and depressed but not what you would call clinically depressed like I do not need psychiatric help. What does a crossdresser do when family and friends don't know and I have to be my male self because it is such a family time of year? Do you feel the same and if it is not too personal a question what did you do? Lonely and Be Damned.

Dear L&BD

For my response I hope you are in a sitting position. It seems that at this time of year all of my relatives have chosen to be ill, in hospital, get excessively drunk and abusive or croak. Somebody of a religious ilk asked me what was the best part of Christmas and I answered "When it is over"! Last Christmas, because of a mistake in communications with my wife Paddy, I spent Christmas Eve all alone. I took my dog out for a walk and when I returned home Paddy had gone out and left no message for me as to her whereabouts. That year I was hurt and alone. This year I vowed that things would be much different. It was going to be a SM (Sado-Masochism) Christmas Eve.

Just by accident I picked up the phone early Christmas Eve afternoon and on the other end of the line was my long-term friend the top Dominatrix, THE MARQUESA. My wedding present several years previously was a total scene in her dungeon. Since that bondage, flogging and bull whipping session the High Priestess of SM and I have bonded for life. During this phone conversion I inadvertently mentioned that my tattoos have lasted for years but that I had two unsuccessful attempts to have "ROXY" branded on the cheek of my ass. THE MARQUESA said that she had a full set of branding irons and that she would be at my place that evening to do a "permanent" brand. "O.K", I said to myself because nobody would dare commission the talents of THE MARQUESA and back out at the last minute. Besides SHE told me that the whole ritual would be HER treat and SHE would do the deed for free. As I have stated in earlier articles that my personal Dominatrix is Madame de Sade. Was I going to be in conflict of interest because no person can perform SM scenes on my body unless they are done by or closely supervised by Madame de Sade? Not at all. THE MARQUESA and Madame de Sade have been friends and mentors and teachers of the SM crafts for many years.

Several more of my friends dropped by on Christmas Eve. When they realized that a ritualistic branding was going to occur on me I invited them to witness the event. The fantasy that I had described to THE MARQUESA was that I needed to be naked, tied down helpless and be branded just like an animal on the passive (right) side of my ass. I checked HER propane supply for HER heating torches and found that SHE did not have enough. Fortunately I had a full bottle of propane. My friend who wanted to participate had the honor of holding THE MARQESA'S straight razor strop in his teeth while SHE honed the edge of the HER straight razor. I must tell you that I did not know that my ass was going to get shaved. My head was covered so that I could not see what was going on while I was tied spread-eagled on my chest. Madame de Sade closely supervised and a newcomer to the SM scene, Mistress Amy, sat straddled on my back to make sure that I could truly not move or twitch. Mistress Amy was definitely not wearing panties. This is something one can feel!

Is branding a painful process? Overall the answer is yes. But during the actual process only the first couple of burns hurt. Endorphins set into the brain and the pain is minimal compared to the deep third degree burns being administered. A set of branding irons with various shapes was used. My friend who had the strop in his mouth also volunteered to heat the branding irons to THE MARQUESA'S demanding specifications. It took ten burns to spell "ROXY" in 1" high letters. This was massive burning. The next day I was still in a state of euphoria (or shock) because I was now "really" Roxy and because I had been truly Baptized into the SM scene. The healing process is slow and very painful. In the end (pardon the bun, I mean pun) it was worth it. Not an average Christmas Eve family affair I must say but an absolutely fascinating if not mind-boggling demonstration to all attendees. THE MARQUESA is some knowledgeable SM piece of work and I we love each other. The entire ritual was a SM love and respect affair without sex. SHE told me that the smell of my burning flesh shall remain in HER life forever. Our bond in life is now permanent. During the ritual all of the folks, Madame de Sade, Mistress Amy and my friend with the torch were in tears. Will I do this again? Ask me when it heals.

Thanx L&BD, Roxy.

Hi there!

My wife Deb and I were found your establishment while in Toronto on our way to Halifax 3 years ago. Having just visited your web site I have to say how happy we are that you are both doing well and still enriching lives. We are 80 miles south of Buffalo & work doesn't let us get up your way too often, though we will be there next fall to visit, etc.

My difficulty is size. I'm too big in all the wrong places (dunlop disease) at 6'3" 325 lbs. That makes it very difficult to enjoy the play clothes that turn me on the most. My passion in sexy clothes is sheer to waist support pantyhose, shoulder length spandex gloves and bodysuits. I can find light support hose in 3/4x that fit fine, but it certainly cuts down on the zing in my mind. My wife just got me some control top pantyhose but it isn't as good as that image in my head. I'm hoping that being in a world market city that possibly you might be able to help. I would be happy to purchase through you folks or whatever arrangements are preferred should you be able to help.

I have one glove source in NYC, but they are limited in fabric, using the lighter spandex which doesn't hold up that well. I have been unable to find much in sexy body briefers or satin spandex leotards, especially around here. I've always liked such things, even when I was skinny lad.
We would very much enjoy another visit and Deb has suggested that we stay at your Bed & Breakfast on the way back through Toronto in Sept next year. The first visit was the first and only time I've felt relaxed while shopping for sexies. The other customers were so supportive, it made it seem like visiting family.

I would certainly be grateful for any help you might be able to give in
this regard.

Sincerely,
Cal Raines

Dear Cal,

Rest assured that "feeling" like a woman has very little to do with "looking" like a real woman. It does not matter how you look it is the fantasy and the mental illusion. Granted it is always better to live out a fantasy in women's clothes that fit. So goes Wildside. Because of your size requirements I would suggest contacting Addition-Elle's Head Office at (514) 729 - 3333, The Eaton Center (if they still exist) at (416) 596 - 1030 or Big Bold and Beautiful, 1263 Bay St., (416) 923 - 4673. The Wildside Boutique can handle lots of special folks but when things get beyond us or outside our capabilities we share with the other vendors in the area. I hope that I have been of some help and I look forward to seeing you and your S.O. again.

Much love, Roxy.

Dear Roxy,

I need to explain something. I have just admitted to myself that I am extremely attracted to crossdressing even though I have never done it. I have surfed the internet for about a year and would like to have a genetic women do a makeover on me in a very private setting. I am a professional in the community and no one would ever suspect that I have these inner-urges to dress like a women, but I do. I do not look feminine nor do I have feminine mannerisms but the thought of doing this is so attractive to me, I can hardly stand it.

Please let me describe myself. I am 6'0" and weigh 210. I have extremely long dark brown hair to the middle of my back all one length worn in a braid down my back. That is the only outward sign of femininity. That took me 6 years to grow out and most of my life to get up enough nerve to grow it. I do experiment with feminine styles and absolutely love doing so. If I had a
makeover, I would like to use my own hair. It's in great shape. I have dark brown eyes, olive skin and high cheekbones. I wear wire rim glasses. I don't have any wrinkles on my face. I am a bit overweight. Consequently, I have rather large breasts for a man, small if I were a women. However they are very sensitive to the touch.

I recently purchased some items from a store that is for large women. The bra I purchased was 44c, which fit but sort of snug. I believe I take a 46c. I am just beginning to understand what sizes and cups of bras mean. I don't know a thing about makeup. I purchased panties, bra, skirt, clip-on earrings, pantyhose and blouse. The shoes I purchased were too small. Size 11. I believe I wear a size 12. In any event, I am too embarrassed to take them back. The moment I put on the bra, I felt extremely comfortable with it. At the same time felt embarrassed and shame. Does that make any sense? This has been suppressed all of my life and I am just giving vent to this within the last year.

How much do you charge for a makeover/transformation? I would like to consider sometime in January or February. I live in NYS about 5 hours from Toronto. I believe that is far enough that no one knows me there.

I have just decided to use a feminine name but still feel uncomfortable with it. Consequently, I will sign both in the female and the male.

Sincerely/Warmly, Rosyln/Gordon

Dear R/G.

All of my readers will fall in love with your place and thoughts. Shame and guilt have their bearings in societal stereotyping and we have to rise above this as sisters and remain ambivalent to guilt. Crummy as it seems, we are what we are. A complete makeover is $128.40 all taxes included in Canadian dollars. Shoe sizes here at the Wildside Boutique are generally one size bigger than your male foot size. I love being a biological male and being a personally gender selected feminine psyche. It makes me feel special and I do not feel shame. I am proud to be what I am.

You are O.K., R/G, Roxy.

Dear Paddy:

I have a new significant other which is a long distant relationship. I just told her of my desire to dress. I thought for sure she would reject me and think this hideous. However, to my surprise, she stated she found it to be exciting and would help me. I almost fell off my chair as I was extremely emotional as I was telling her.

In any event, she is visiting me the first week in January. Could I include her in watching me for the first transformation? Are you a gg? I assume you are and would you be doing the transformation? How much extra for pictures?

I am a large man 6'0" and weigh 210. I take a size 11 in a men's shoe that would mean a size 12 in a women's. I have not been able to find that large a size. I purchased my first feminine articles last week and felt very nervous telling the sales clerk they were for a "good friend". I believe I take a size 22 in a dress and a 46c bra. I purchased a 44c. It fits but very tight and uncomfortable. I bought a black skirt to the ankles as the clerk picked out and I let her and a gold blouse. I look sort of matronly. I want to look sexy not like a schoolteacher. I don't know the first thing about clothes, makeup and shoes. That is why I need your help.

Anyway, I am thinking of sometime during that week as I am on vacation. However, my new significant other may not be up to going to a public place as I would not be as well. I want to have a makeover and not go anywhere just stay and talk with gg's and then go. I still feel many extremely strong feelings sort of like I am a freak or something. I feel shame and embarrassment etc. My significant other is afraid I will like dressing so much that I would have a sex reassignment change. I reassured her that I really do like my body parts and have no desire to change that part of me. However, she is very nervous about that. I told her during intercourse, I
fantasize that I have a large clitoris and think of us as being lesbian lovers. She liked that fantasy.

If not that week then a weekend in January or February where I could drive up by myself. I do hope that is acceptable to you and that you understand, I am very nervous about bending the gender line. I grew up in an extremely "macho" world joined the Army, worked on construction and drove fast cars. I did all the "macho" things including the motorcycle and didn't like them. Oh I liked some of them but had this "secret" all of my life. I can do "macho" real well and don't like that side of myself. I do hope I am making some sort of sense here. I am 54 years old and look more like 35 no wrinkles or gray hair. The only outward sign of femininity is my very long beautiful hair to the middle of my back all one length. I play with feminine styles in the privacy of my home and love it. I am embarrassed just saying that.

I hope you understand, I am a professional in the community I live in and if anyone found out about this side of me my professional life would be over let alone the shame and embarrassment of it all. I do think that its a shame that society says a man can't experience the feminine side of himself. Where a women can dress like a man and it considered acceptable etc.

I will sign with both the masculine and the feminine as this is very new to me.

Warmly/sincerely,
Rosyln/Gordon

Dear R/G,

Apparently we meet again. Your words speak for themselves. I once had several fiduciary positions that cost me my job because I expressed my en femme side. "They" though I was a jerk, a freak and/or a loose cannon. So be it. I may be all these things but I am also "self" and the old adage rings true: "To thy own self be true"!

Thanx again, Roxy.

A DISPENSATION OF WISDOM AND WOE TO ROXY
BY MADAME de Sade

I do declare that a public reprimand before your peers is in order for your insubordinate behaviour last Sunday night. Your intoxicated foolish bravado defiled my dungeon sanctuary and the sacred "Kavadi" (ROXY will confess to her readers in her letter of response to Madame) Remember ROXY, she who owns the magic to infliction also owns the power to remove it. For your readers information: This surviving relic "The Kavadi" is an ornamental waist and shoulder supported framework that looks similar to a grand umbrella canopy, up to a hundred lightly weighted and very sharply pointed steel skewers are inserted creating an intertwining labyrinth against designated acupuncture points and nerve endings on the body. For added weight some are embellished with colourful decorations, beads, feathers, bones, animal skulls or fruit. The Kavadi is used by religious orders in the east as a right of passage and a key to religious reverence, as well as a transporter from one realm to another. I practice positive magic in my dungeon, by doing so I produce a desirable result, and avoid unpleasant results by not doing so. It includes preliminary exorcisms, and other ingredients of ritual magic to create a state of mental and emotional intoxication so you feel possessed of an altered state of consciousness or even superhuman powers. I must prepare your spirit, your own inner energies have to be raised to their highest pitch and compel your spirit to appear and to contribute to the ceremony. I must first prepare myself and my equipment. When my spirit appears, if it does, it becomes the essential ingredient in our scene, it is the first stage in preparation. I must set myself apart from my ordinary life and begin the process of putting myself into an abnormal state of mind which is necessary to perform the ceremony I intend to perform. This may take several days, hours or just minutes of meditation. Following standard religious practices like the priest in his church or temple, my equipment must be purified and consecrated, set apart for worship. My sanctuary or dungeon acts as a doorway or boundary between the spirit and domestic worlds. In an ordinary dwelling I create an realm between the profane and sacred worlds as in the case of a temple. This is why my slave Kathy ceremoniously washed your hands, feet, and body. Therefore to cross my dungeon threshold is to unite oneself with a new world. Once preparations are complete, I may summon up the spirit of my God with prayer. Acts of God are a way of capturing the essence of God and bring him down into our ceremony. Like poetry an incantation of prayer deepens its effect. I rhythmically increase force as the ritual proceeds. If there is no natural link between you, me and God, I must create one. Some other basic elements that contribute to this ceremony are the fumes from flowers or herbs, smoke from incense, gestures with my hands on your body, gestures with a wand, sword or piece of cloth, sometimes you may feel the approach to orgasm, but the principal elements are hypnotic. Medieval healing were performed by touch, breath, spears and arrowheads.

The Kavadi is an object that is untouchable by an uncleaned person. Being tribal, it is a totem, like an animal or God, it is too potent and sacred to be touched by lesser persons because of the belief is that it is an instrument of power and based on that fact, it has a powerful effect on human beings who use it. Profane contact will bring a terrible retribution on the toucher, "ROXY", she is guilty of presumption, not to mention alcohol consumption. In the words of Freud "to touch is the beginning of every act of possession." Even an accidental offender may, (and should be), so overwhelmed by guilt that he will not recover from his shame. "Taboo's! meaning unclean, your infection has actually be transmitted by just touching The Kavadi. The person who touches a taboo object becomes a taboo himself and if he survives, has to undergo lengthy penances and purifications. The connection has already begun, by physical contact with the magically charged Kavadi you have summoned the power of its spirit. It was not "The Kavadi" that caused you to stop the ritual. You allowed the rule of assumption rather than "thought" to control your psychological state of mind which attracted a negative reaction. This brings us to a crossroads in relationship to The Kavadi I find it an uneasy place, because it imposes a choice of routes, with dangerous possibilities of choosing the wrong way. Sacred objects possess symbolic qualities. Many psychic implications arise from the fact that in magic that which has the power to bind the body can also be used to confine the spirit. Symbolic of a sealed bargain. I look forward to your repentant testimonial.

I Remain, Madame de Sade

Dear Madame de Sade,

You are my Dom and I am your slave. I confess that I had no knowledge of the ritual aspects of the Kavadi. Yes I was drinking earlier in the day but I was not drunk. My high tolerance for alcohol is legendary. I bought the Kavadi and a bed of nails from The Marquesa. The whole event with the Kavadi was a test drive because it was the first time anyone other than the High Priestess of Domination (The Marquesa) had used it. The administration of this device was clumsy for this reason. There were too many people present and trying to adjust this revered gadget for any victim to appreciate its worth. Certainly I became somewhat snotty and irreverent. I know that I committed the sin of royally pissing off my Dominatrix. Cut me some slack. We are both special people and you have a right to be angry. I am a product of the automotive industry and I get pissed of as well when things do not go smoothly. This does make my apology to you and the folks that tried to fulfil the ritual any easier. I apologise profoundly. I know from talking with you that we will try this again. Thank you so much for your forgiveness. Now that we are agreed on our stance, I know that next attempt will have extra spice. Best of luck on your appeal March 13 to March 15. After over five years of "legal limbo" there is no justice in our legal system, just persecution. I know your faith is strong.

Your devoted slave, Roxy.

Dear Roxy, (my best friend)

TV and GG Dating Scene - The Dating connection in the new millennium will probably be an extension of the late 90's. In the early 90's dating services were the rage, but in the late 90's the development of cheaper uses of the Internet created a venue of independent mate searching for the masses. Now web chat services and message boards make going through the preliminaries of picking a potential date a bit easier. You can see how a person's character is developed without the commitment of having to date them. And you can establish if you really like a person before you ever have to meet them.

Of course the Internet scene has met with controversy. Stories from friends passed on to friends of Marriages ruined by the Net Affair are common now. And interesting enough, one can see a trend forming here. The introverted non-conformist, quiet personality is no longer the potential spinster at home forever. They are just as much out There on the Net and Dating more than ever. The reason for this is that the challenge for these personalities was their introversion, and by putting their thoughts in writing can overcome some of the social challenges dating pitted against them in the past. I can presume that the Net will be the way of meeting potential mates for along time. The reason for this is the World is open to everyone on the net. If your hidden desires are a place or a culture you can connect with people there so easily on the Net. And if you are out for adventure you can create your own adventure going to meet the "unknown" prospect from the Net.

I was asked to write here on Dating and developing relationships in the Millennium.
Sigh.... I find this hard to do. I am 36 years old and spent the better of the last 17 years in a Marriage. So the dating scene is new to me too. I have met many friends through the Internet. I have even made great business contacts on the Net. I have never been disappointed in the people I finally meet. I take a long time to finally make a one-to-one contact with a person from the Net.
And I have had some wondrous adventures over the world with my Net friends. Adventures in Net meetings I call migration, and they are lots of fun, but have not got a lot of substance to them.
But as for dating. For me the old fashioned way is the one that seems to work best for me.
I met the man I am currently with through my best friend (Wouldn't you guess it was me - Roxy's note), and the relationship that is developing is very satisfying. The old fashioned way, wooing, and courting are my style I guess. I am not a feminist. I am a liberal thinker. I am a highly educated woman who enjoys being very feminine. And I like being treated with class, and like a lady. I love business conversation, and I like to work at my business very hard. A bit of a workaholic myself, I need a man who doesn't get frustrated with my full schedule.

What I do know is what I want. And this helps me keep my path toward my goals straight.
I want a person who is independent enough to make his own friends and enjoy a life with me, but not necessarily have me at the center of it. I want a man who does not wish to have children with me, and will treat my sons with respect.

So without fear I will share my convictions on my relationship with MY TV. I met a man.
The smartest man I have ever known. A man who shares such similar interests as I do. A man who's demeanor is so virile and so gentle. We share amusement, and we share sorrow. Our lives crossed paths in a mystical way many times before. Yet we never touched each others lives. I knew he was a crossdresser -- A-friend-of-a-friend (Me again - Roxy).

What he did not know of me was that my passion for his dressing equaled his passion for dressing. When I place my makeup to his face, he is my canvas. Each line I make, each brush I stroke makes him shine. A pure happiness glistens in his eyes. His heart opens up to me. And my heart takes him. At that moment it is the most intimate passion shared by two people. When I am 100% his, and he is 100% mine. The world is gone. It is just us. Work Hard, Play Hard. Make Hay While The Sun Shines. Find Someone Who You Can Share Interests With Through Your Old Age. All these are mottoes my Mother told me growing up.

Work Hard means hard work, and hard work means stress.

A regular man will shut down and express nothing, and close his mate off to his strife. But a TV will be motivated by the stress to share his alter ego with his mate. An eruption of the passionate self, the softer side of the man .....

Making Hay While the Sun Shines implies that no matter what we must do our work when it is available to us, no matter how tough the situation may be. TV's by nature are hard working and self-motivated business people. Yet, they always find a moment to steel a tender feeling from within. This is never to be missed by their woman. Especially when it includes soft fabric like satin. And huge hugs. And soft kisses.

Ya life is tough. And we are not always dealt the cards we expect. And oh yes every woman in a relationship could see themselves as a winner or a victim. But to act a victim and miss the most wonderful side of the man is a shame. And to accept being a winner, and enjoy that prize is a glory.

For the Man.....Pure undiluted happiness shared, when his woman shares in his transvestitism. He is my man no matter what form the day progresses to. If we are together after the business day his demeanor is rough and he is bigger than life like a protector. When it is private moments when we are both in soft fabric and feminine digs he is full of energy and sensually sound. A time at which he mentions equality.

It is amazing to me that he feels less when he is not with me dessed. That I am on this pedestal the other parts of the day. For I do not feel like that inside me. But he always finds a way to give me enough attention in special ways to remind me of what I cannot see for myself.
I feel whole. He feels equal. Both needs that seem so important for us to fulfill are satisfied.
And hobbies of old age. Wow! Most women can never get their man to shop with them. I can see great hours of pleasure in shopping and window shopping with this man. Could it be a match made in Heaven? Time will tell. As he says, "If this is a flash in the pan it is an awful bright one."

Amy

Dear Amy,

I feel so proud that I put you two together. I am a gender activist and so are you. Why women are so threatened when a man puts on women's clothes is just blatantly a stupid phenomenon. I know why narrow minded females regard transvestism as they do. I have written extensively on this subject for years with an Hell of a clout with my experience and university credentials. However, as a transgendered male, I have the capability but not the "clout" of a GG (Genuine Girl) to make the point that you have made. People in general would consider me to be a freak of nature. Those of us males who are sisters do not feel this way. I hope your message is put in the face or stuffed somewhere else to get the attention of females who despise us TV's and who are threatened by our beliefs. Thank God that somebody who is a GG knows how we appreciate women. The TV who confesses from the "get go" in a relationship that he loves to share the feminine experience is bonding and defying the alienation that other sisters experience when they are ripped from the womb. TV's put women on a pedestal. Any woman should feel as honored as you do that there is a commonality in being human that ignores the dichotomy of the socially contrived sex barrier. I am not crazy. I am smart and so are you and your new S.O.

God bless, Roxy.

Hi Wildside!,

I'm back in Ottawa, and I don't like it, except for a Park that I go to everyday "Rockcliff Park". It's a pretty big park like high park. It's along the Ottawa River and there's a lot of secluded spots. I know the best spot, its in a cliff, it's like a natural outdoor patio. I can dress up there and sit on the rocks and drink beer and listen to music. If I'm in drag people in boats wave at me. I'll spend the whole day there and watch the sun set. From there I can see the Gatineau hills, Casino fireworks, and at the left I see the French Embassy and the P.M.'s house.

I brought my friend there a couple of times, he thought it was great if I take a stroll on the many foot trails higher up I'd run into a lot of men because it's a cruising area. I've seen gay and straight couples having sex there. Sometimes some will bother me but others are nice to talk to. If it rains I go to another area, there's a gazebo, there's often weddings there. I get very sentimental when I go there, especially there's momentous left from the happy event. Some of my fondest memories as a girl were past there. It felt like I had seen you or knew you and Paddy and Roxy, even your beautiful daughter Amy. Even the people I met there on Saturday night. It was the most enjoyable visit to any city I've had. Better than I could have expected.

I'm compelled to apologize for not spending more money. I felt like going wild, looking at nice stuff well..... Maybe and I hope they'll be a next time. Although I am an artist but I have a hard time making ends meet. Things aren't great these days like my legal problems. Even a drinking problem. If I had or could choose between drinking and dressing up, I'd stop drinking. I love to listen to music especially Sade and Annie Lennox. At #161 I knew I didn't really fit in. But I want to thank everyone for accepting me. I really felt I didn't have the courage to walk in there, needless to say how happy I did. I didn't think people there would be so real, human.

I hope you forgive me for sleeping in your bed or borrowing tapes and movies without asking, I never meant to be disrespectful. I hope that won't ruin my chance to visit you in the future. Roxy once said I was like part of the family. I wonder if you ever had a guest as silly as me. However I don't think I'm so bad. I might be very unrealistic to expect someone to take me in and take care of me. I have this fear that if you guys couldn't do it that no one else could. Don't get me wrong, I want to give back too. I told Paddy I'd do anything, and I meant it. Anyhow 161 Gerrard wouldn't have been right for me. I can be a terrible person to live with. I drink a lot and I love to party, I like loud music. I also like punk rock and techno music. If there's a next time I'll bring my own tapes and videos. I felt it wasn't unusual for someone to stay a whole month sometime. I'd promise to behave. In the meantime I'd like to tell others about your club and store, if you don't mind? As you've been told a million times before how great is to have a place like yours. If I had never explored this side of me I'd be more miserable and incomplete. There are three songs, I think of you when I hear them...I never thought "I never thought I'd see the day" by Sade, "The Gift" by Annie Lennox, and "Everybody hurts sometimes" by R.E.M. I love you Terri .

Love Stephanie (JP) I would like to send some artwork and photos? If that's O.K.

Dear Stephanie,

Heavy drinking and transvestism seem to be a common aspect of our condition. Booze helps us cope. You have born your soul and you are certainly welcome back to stay at Wildside. But do me a favor and do not come for a while. I was not the only one you upset when you were here over a year ago. Time heals all wounds. Doctor Davies is no longer continuing her transgender/transsexual counseling practice because of other more demanding business responsibilities. Doctor Davies is a fine and wonderful and gifted and competent medical practitioner and we all miss her guidance and expertise. Maybe someday we can get her back. I am so pleased that it appears that in your own life, Stephanie, that you have reached personal resolutions and that you appear to be so much repaired psychologically. Keep on this good track. Transvestism will never be easy for any of my sisters.

With renewed optimism, Roxy.

Dear Roxy,

I am writing to you just to confirm that you would accept as payment for your list of catalogue's that should cost $20.00 the 1997 issue of the way-out tyranny guide, cost here 9.96 in USA $20.00.
I also mention some new booklists which are full length transvestite stories, at the moment there are two books out. I have included a catalog with a short description of each book. This company is in Brighton Sussex England. The stories come from complete transformation maids stories, little girl stories and adult baby stories. Over here they cost L4.99 and range from 18 pages to over 80 pages. The name of the company is called the Transvestite Press. There is also another company they publish new magazines. They are at the following address: (Sasru)? Publishing Ltd. P.O. Box 2789 Brighton East Sussex, BN2 1QG, 01273 686306 Fax: 01273 686307. The magazines are the following Trainer The magazine for TVS and those who love them. in UK $16.50 USA. Transvestite Times/6UK $14.00 US which contains letters, articles and pictures not in the other Sabru Publications. And there is a contact magazine called Ladylike contact covering only contact is TV TS USA $14.00. Scene up to issue 5 now the Tranny is up to issue 2 and Tvs Times issue 1. I would be proud to send you a copy or two of each if you would like them or if your friend in Centurian/spartacus has not got them yet, so you can ask them to order them or buy them direct from the company themselves. Thats why I give you their telephone number, fax number.

I also have one copy of book 2 called the training and education of a husband from the other world kingdom I told you about over the phone on Saturday 31 May. It is in German and English, it is written by Madame Patricia Gifford, the founder and highest administrator of The Other World Kingdom. The address to write to is The Other World Kingdom P.O. Box 3a 76312 Vizovich Chech Republic(...?...) +++42-67-63219. This book has no price on it and has 112 pages. First half of book is German pages 1-64 then 60 photos in the middle them from page 71-112 in English. The book in the Other World Kingdom would cost $70.00 and has 100 photos and 256 pages German/English version.

Plus personal slave of HR Highness 256 pages German/English Version. This book gives a everyday description of ordinary life in the Kingdom. There is a magazine from them that Centurian/Spartacus still carries full color pack is like a paperback so would cost about L25 in UK. so about $50 in the USA Maybe Monday I'll send you the following books Madam Giffords at $50+ issue 1-2 Trannia-issue 5 Ladylike conntact $47 plus Transvestite Press Booklet at L4-99. I have that I will send you if you would like them. Working this out on exchange rate L1. to Canada Dollar May 30 L12.2.205 so would be worth $231.52 Canadian dollars, so if you will allow it in return can you possibly send me the following magazines in exchange. Issue 12-18-19-10-21 Enforced Womanhood. Cost USA dollars $15 each, if you can get a copy Enforced Womanhood's special agent comic. Lady Lovelock at $16.95 a copy. Also can you tell me if you got a copy of the following Transformation catalog (2) at $24.95 and Transformation catalog 11 at $24.95 Pubs Centurian/Spartacus she-male video catalog at $6.95 a copy, so adding the $20.00 for your complete set of catalogs. This would be $167-80 USA dollars, plus postage on top. I will only be doing this the first time.

If you will do this the first time can you please put a small note on front of contents, like issue 17-18-19-20..on own magazine to catalogs and a note aside if its not allowed in my country, so is returned to you so I do not lose out and you can still sell them in your shop and I would have a small credit amount to use when I got the chance to visit. Also if you remember we discussed someone having the courage to open a school or academy for the training of male-maids, she-male maids and then if training maid wishes it to find them a mistress to work for if they do not already have one. As I am sure You aware no one has yet had the courage or ability to do this.

This sort of training could be a mixture of the following forms of training. Housework: cleaning of house, dusting, polishing, scrubbing of floors and so-on.

Your truly, Ben (U.K.)

Dear Ben,

No offense intended, Ben, but because you are from Britain I will have to submit your stuff to a person who can translate it into English. If you want a fully functional Sissy Maid Academy look in the country directory and talk directly to the Head Mistress or one of her capable representatives.

Thanx for the great info, Roxy.

Dear Roxy

Please can you give me an estimation for the following, "length of stay", which would include "use of dressing services and help with make-up during and thru stays.
1. Fortnight stay bring a maid to you and your partner plus guests.
2. I month stay with same as above and maybe going out too fetish clubs with you and someone you know as my guest. Also maybe places of interest to someone visiting your city, country for the first time, but going out as a female.
3 Six weeks or longer, same as above (1) but with lessons in cooking, how to iron clothes in the right way or advice on what sort of clothes suit me best, plus the best sort of make-up to go with facial shape and also if I should wear false eyelashes and nails to improve the impression I am trying to give. Maybe a visit to a salon or hairdresser to have a complete make-over including the fixture of long nails with a manicure, pedicure and eyebrows thinned and plucked.
Finally Paddy can you possibly try to make some of the maid uniforms you would like your maid to wear see the following Victorian parlormaid's uniforms for everyday work, then for after 6pm and special occasions or dinner parties. A very frilly and full French upstairs ladies' maid uniform, so maid looks like a powder puff on legs like uniforms on book number 121. I look forward to hearing from you soon with your comments and reply to my requests.
As your maid I would be willing to have you rename me with a girl's name that I would answer to while in your service as maid. Only if you do not like the name I've chosen for myself as a maid. Also can you provide me with an email or internet page that I can send patterns or to ask questions, as a website allows us frequent access to communication.

Yours in eager anticipation, Peter.

Dear Peter,

This activity is not part of my gender scene but I know were to look such as TAB Magazine. I know that even if you wanted your nuts gargled you could find somebody who would gladly do it who advertises in TAB. At Take A Walk On The Wildside we are only into cosmetics and wardrobe.

Get lucky, Roxy.

Dear Roxy

I was just recently looking at your selection of wigs and was wondering what the difference between the Shannon and Fantasia wigs, it says that the Shannon is a comfortable fit, but how does the Fantasia one fit and feel, is there a difference. Also I was looking at buying a pair of silicone breast forms from the Value priced section and was having a problem deciding whether to but size B, or C, can you give me any advice or shed any light on this for me please. I am 5'10", 155 lbs, slender but athletic build, with a waist size of 30. If you need any of that. I live in Saint John, NB, or else I would come over and see for myself.

Thank You. Sincerely, Ashley

Hi there Ashley,
.
The Shannon and the Fantasia, as with all our wigs, are a comfortable fit. The Shannon is not as curly as the Fantasia. We have had experience with two types of crossdressers. Some want to blend in so a smaller breast size (B) would attract less attention. Some just want big tits (C or D). It's up to you!

Hope this helps, Roxy

Hi, Roxy,

I'm Jennifer Scot from the good old U.S.A. In my fifth year of transitioning in gender reassignment from male to female, and have a difficult time with clothing, as I am 6'1" tall, with a long torso, and a high waist. I wear a woman's size 4 clothing and attirement wise, and a size 10 B woman's shoe. Would like to know more of you and your organization, and keep in touch too. I also once worked for the Tropicana casino in Atlantic City New Jersey where I reside, as a cocktail server, which are a little skimpy, but was my first job as a woman. Was a pleasure to speak with you.

Jennifer Scot

Dear Jennifer,

I am 6'1" as well but I wear a size 18 long torso in a woman's bathing suite. You forgot to tell me your weight. I now weigh 190 lb. and I wear a woman's size 12D pump. You must be as skinny as a bean pole. Go to a Tall Girl's Store or the equivalent. It appears to me that you can be as decorated in woman's clothes as a Christmas Tree. A fantasy of mine would be to lounge around the pool at the Tropicana Hotel in Las Vegas in my yellow one piece woman's bathing suite with my long hair down and my toenails paint bright red. My wife Paddy and I went to the "B.A.T. Show" (The Big and Tall Women's clothing Exhibitor's convention for wholesalers) in Las Vegas and all the waiting staff called me Madame. I will send you an info package but all the information that you need is already on the Net.

Have fun, Roxy.

Dear Roxy.

I want to tell people how I became Daffy. When I was eleven years old I would go into my mother's room to put on her pantyhose. My mother caught me wearing her pantyhose and from that time I fought the urge to wear pantyhose. Until I met my lover, his name was 'Bob' (name changed by Roxy) and he made me feel like a woman and then I got married which lasted only for two years. Then a lover of mine told me about Take A Walk On The Wildside. I have now graduated to wearing bras and nighties. Roxy gave me the name of Daffy which suits me. I do have a boyfriend and he lives in (a city) in Ontario and I love him

Yours truly, Daffy.

Dear Daffy,

I do not want my readers to think that I suggested a femme name "Daffy" because I was making any kind of sport of you. I know you and we have talked person in person. I suggested "Daphny" as a girl's name for you after we met in person and after many engaging phone calls. It is the same as my femme name "Roxy". It is between "Foxy" and "Moxy". I am a mutt that cannot be addressed as "Roxanne". When my mother caught me wearing women's clothes, she walked right up to me and said, "If you want to use my accessories its OK, but you have to work on your eyes". You are a good friend and good luck with your lover.

Bless you, Roxy.

Hi, Roxy,

I had a makeover from you folks about two years ago when I was in Toronto and was very pleased. I am coming to Toronto in two weeks and was wondering if you had an opening for another transformation. I'd like to have a head-to-toe transformation, get some pictures in a few outfits - yours. I don't like carrying clothes from the US. I am looking for a sexy look that says "take me home" and something a little less. My dream is to live as much as a woman as I can for at least a while. I'd love it if you know anyone that could show me the town dressed. If it was a man who is interested in a 'want to be TS' all the better, but its only a dream, I just would love to find out what its like to be a woman as much as I can. Also, if you know any post-op TS who would be willing to share sometime with me, I am very interested to finding first hand if everything I read about the operation is as good as I read. I really want to become a woman and go down that path to the operation, but I'd like to be educated. I am not looking for an escort service, just sometime, and I'd be willing to pay. I am also shopping for a good corset and some ways to enhance my rear and hips, like to get a sexy bottom and learn to walk real sexy.

Cheryl, (want to be sexy TS, still working on it....)

Dear Cheryl,

I am very concerned about your plight. I have found during my experience that post operative TS's are not receptive to any communications with people who have not done the total sexual reassignment surgery. A TV can go both ways male/female at will. Post-operative TS's are permanently stuck in their own demise. If you ask me if I believe in the whole process I will tell you emphatically --no! If a person suggests that God made an error in their creation, then I will identify such talk and procedure as blasphemy. I suffer every waking moment with gender dysphoria and I live with it. Call me a Neanderthal, but I believe that sexual reassignment solves nothing and creates more problems than it is worth.

Move wisely, Roxy.

Dear Roxy,

Thank you for sending my last two orders so quickly. Thank you also for the discreet packages in which my books were sent. It is important in my case for discretion since I am a closet crossdresser. Enclosed is another order and cheque. I had to use a previous order form since I have no more.

Please allow me to tell you my story. My name is Chris, I'm thirty-five years old and I have been a crossdresser my entire life. For years I felt ashamed and abnormal and confused about what I was doing, but fifteen years ago I accepted myself and my new life style and my female persona. I dress up on a regular basis since I live alone. I have even worked up the courage to go out in public. It's always at night so I won't be recognized. I have been successful since no one took notice of me. I live in an isolated rural area of Muskoka. There are no dating clubs or transvestite or gay bars in the area. I have never met another transvestite and trying to find others has been hopeless.

I'm shy and withdrawn and suffer from other problems, I have obsessive compulsive disorder and I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I have a very lonely and hard life. Please look at the pictures I have sent of myself. I know I'm not the best crossdresser there is. I would love to here from anyone at Wildside. Please drop me a note if you have the time. I appreciate the time and effort for reading my letter and sending my merchandise. Forgive me for printing but my typewriter is broken and I'm a sloppy writer . I hope to here from you soon.

Thank you very much. Chris

Dear Chris,

Being a TV is a lonely path in life no matter what. Your isolation is an augmenting factor. I admire your courage in that you have expressed other factors with respect to your personal life. Do not worry. You have hundreds if not thousands of sisters (such as myself) that will make you feel welcome and OK.

THANX, ROXY.

Dear Roxy,

I'm not out yet so please don't print my name. But hi. My name is Lynn, I'm 5ft 7in tall and 117 pounds. With long brown hair and bright green eyes, long eye lashes. Sounds great doesn't it? The only problem is that I'm a boy. Sad but true. My mom still thinks that I'm just another long haired, Rock star to be type of dude but I'm not. And the only problem is that I'm a boy. Sad but true. My mom still thinks that I'm just another long haired, Rock Star, to be, type dude but I'm not. And the only closet that I have ever come out of is my sister's. I like to dress up DA! But I can't come out full time because it would just hurt to many stupid but very nice people. I don't hide because I'm a chicken. I hide because I don't want to lose my happy home or my family. I think most people would even risk their lives to save their family's. So why is it some TVs', CDs' can't understand, or think that it's wrong for me to hide the small fact that I wear a bra? It is not wrong for someone to try and keep their loved ones from harm and anybody who thinks that is crazy.

My family and friends come first, the movement for crossdressers right comes second. My dying battle is not going to help me or you girls win the war against closed minds. Your - our cause is just and you are in the right and in about a zillion years you will win. But I'm in the right to be wanting to protect my world. Every situation is different you must grant me that because no two humans are the same. And it makes me mad to hear all of these Joan of Ark Transgenders' yelling "stand and fight for our rights". They no doubt have already made a mess out of their past lives and now have nothing else to lose. But I do and I don't want to go stand in the ashes and rubble with their screaming "let's fight a war we cannot win". It won't do any good. There is another way there has to be don't you think?

At this time I feel very very all alone and I could use a big sister or six but slash and burn tactics ain't going to cut it. I am passable and people just seem to accept me better in a dress. With me it isn't "are you a man or a mouse?" I mean which one would you pick? But we live clear out in Mormon, cowboy, redneck land and there isn't even one person like me or even someone who would understand why I cry. In the city there is a couple of saber-rattling TV groups but no one I dare trust with our family secrets. And I can't even find a boy who would love me for who I really am.
Right now I am at the point - as in so point that I can't really go braless anymore without being stared at and I can't wear a bra without getting killed. I still live at home with my mom and my older sister, Sharon, which makes things easy for me clothes-wise because we are all just about the same size. But it also makes it harder for me to dress up and it limits the time I can be pretty. I like sugar and spice and everything nice. Ribbons and bows, high heels and pantyhose but I'm stuck in Hicksville. I'm out of school now but I'm having a hard time finding a job in this small dorky town. My mom says its because of my long hair but I think it might have something to do with the fact that I don't even have my own F-ing car yet. Anyway, I'm stuck and I don't want to hear another person say "you go Girl". Because I can't and I don't want to ruin my family but I am on your side and I too could sure use a Friend and a hug once in awhile. Anyway I just thought you people might like to hear one small voice from the Third side of the World. Thanks for listening.

Love, Lynn

Dear Lynn,

I believe that your head is the right spot. Tough it out and leave home when you can. Moms are the most important people on the face of the earth. Never forget your roots. My parents knew that I was transgendered and I knew both of my parents as friends before they both died. Please do not be so hard on yourself. You have sisters everywhere and probably exactly where you live. You sound very young. Be patient. My view of life is that at 40 years of age one enters "survivor class status". At 50 we enter "wisdom class status". I am over 50.

Hang tight, Roxy.

From the journal of "Barbara"

Monday July 5, 1999, was a very special day to me. You see, this was in fact the first day of my life that I dared to go out into the real world completely on my own as myself. I wasn't alone. I had a lot of help from my friends, people who only hours before, would have been strangers I passed on the street without a thought. I say I was on my own because this was my first adventure without my boy to protect me.

What a powerful experience it was. The day started when my boy brought us to Walk On The Wild Side. I was so nervous. I had never even seen the real Barbara before. I had always insisted on wearing a disguise, keeping my boy clothes and hiding from everyone. Some months ago we happened across the Wild Side's web site. After browsing awhile we realized the fantastic opportunity this presented. We had no idea that the world we were seeing here existed.

My boy was upset. He wasn't sure how I would react to my freedom. How would this affect our lives? We were both happy with our lives the way we were. I admit that I really wasn't much more than his plaything, but I had my moments when got close to being myself and it was enough. I have no wish, even now to jeopardize my boy's life. You see he has a family who simply wouldn't understand me and to be honest we both love them and hurting them is unthinkable.

So we planned, even schemed. We visited the shop some weeks in advance of our planned day and met Paddy. She was wonderful. She talked to us so naturally and honestly that we made the decision then and there to go ahead.

Ten in the morning on Monday and no turning back. My boy let us in and introduced me to Tom (Roxy). Paddy came in and quickly took control. She had to because I had no idea what I wanted. I was meek and thought I should hide myself under layers of clothing. By the time I got out of that barbers chair and had my first real look at myself, I was stunned. I didn't know this person and look as I might my boy was gone.

I took a little time to get to know myself. I felt wonderful. I couldn't take my eyes off this girl, was that really me? Then the unthinkable happened, I had to go out and feed the parking meter. Where was that boy when you needed him? But Paddy sent me out where the whole world could see me. Miracle of miracles, I survived unscathed. Something was happening to me I couldn't express, but I knew I liked it. A change of clothes and I was feeling bolder. Another trip outside to move the car, people were looking at me and all they seemed to see was me, Barbara. Was this really possible?

More time on my own to reflect on who I was and what all this might mean. Then, some of Paddy's other guests returned from a shopping expedition. Mysti and Cindy introduced themselves and carried on, showing me what they had bought and photos of the weekends fun, as if all were normal. They accepted me, Barbara, on my own merits without any questions. This was not something I had expected.

My self confidence was growing and when Paddy returned I admit I got a little naughty (I have the photos to prove it). I didn't know what to make of this. My original plans for what I should try on, who I thought I was, were out the window. This was so much more than I had ever imagined it could be. What else could possibly happen to top this?

Well the impossible happened. The decision was made that we should ALL go out for a beer and a pool game at the local bar. I couldn't do this, were they kidding? A quick trip to the parking meter, a drive in the relative safety of my car, that was one thing. This was something else, I would be under the scrutiny of complete strangers, at their mercy, anything could happen. I couldn't possibly do this. Paddy to the rescue again. A few quick changes, some words of encouragement and off we went. Secretly I think I really wanted to do this. I was scared, excited and so much more I can't even begin to express. I guess I sat there like a lump, I couldn't believe I was here. I didn't want to drink, I was afraid I would have to go to the bathroom. I finally worked up enough nerve to get up and play a game of pool. I'm sure I could feel eye's all over me, but I was actually getting off on the idea.

Too soon this ended and off we went back home (I must be starting to feel comfortable here). A movie and a tasty dinner later and it was indeed all too late. My boy came back to pick me up. Though I was sad to see the end of the day, I had so many utterly fantastic memories and sensations to sort through that I went home happy. Now on the way home my boy kept explaining to me that this was surely a one time thing. It simply wasn't possible to pull this off again. Oh sure, we could play at home now and then, but this was the end of the story.

We'll see......Barbara ;-)

Let me take a moment here to say that likely all the emotion I was feeling probably didn't come across to those around me. I want you all, Paddy, Tom, Mysti, Cindy and Roger, to know how much I appreciated your company. I wanted so much to let it all out at times but I couldn't do it. That's just the way I am. I think there's more to Barbara than any of us has seen (yet).
I'm attaching one of my favorite photos from my new collection. Use it as you wish.

Dear Barbara,

You said it all, kid. With much appreciation,

Roxy.

Dear Roxy Wildside

I have a few things I am curious about, so I'm hoping you can help me out. I'm hoping you can write back to me. Well here goes nothing. Most of my questions have to do with "she-males". The biggest question is a she-male born a guy or a girl? I have fantasized about what it would be like being with a she-male, but have never tried it. I have had two chances in my life and sometimes now wish I had tried it but, one thing holds me back. That one thing is that I'm not that endowed where the penis is and some woman have made fun of my size which is about 51/2" - 61/2" long when fully erected. I have thought about buying a Penis Enlarger, but I'm not sure if they really work on enlarging it any-ways.

My second question is about she-males, are there breasts real or fake, and if they're real are they implants or do they take hormones? What is the difference between a "Transsexual", a "she-male", and a "Transvestite"?? I realize I might be asking a lot but I really need to know before I try anything with one of the three.

I noticed two she-males in the January 2000 issue of "Tab Magazine" and would like to know if they have ways other than phoning that I could get in touch with them? They are Kim on page 59 and Suzi-Q on page 55. I find them both very hot looking. I'm hoping they have fan club's I can join. I look forward in hearing back from you in the near future. Also is there such a thing as a person with breasts, a cock, and a pussy? If so where can I meet such a person? Confused.

Dear Confused,

There is nothing wrong with the size of your penis. Do not let that stop you if you want to have sex with a she-male.

Some she-males have breasts that are implants, which do not affect their ability to get a hard-on. Some have taken hormones, which produce a natural breast, but it is often smaller than the girls who get implants. The girls on hormones find that the size of their penis shrinks, or atrophies.
The girls on hormones are usually transsexual, which means they want to eventually have surgery to physically become a woman.

I'm so glad you appreciate a beautiful she-male. Many of them are my friends. Some live a very hard lifestyle working the streets as prostitutes. I can also speak for the rare few who are trying to live "normal" lives in their altered state. Going against Nature is a tough row to hoe. A person with breasts, a cock and a pussy is an hermaphrodite. Such folks are extremely rare and hard to find.

Hope I helped, Roxy.

Why Am I A Sissy?
Deborah Leigh Johnson
AKA Miss Debi

Well, to start with, I do not think of myself as a sissy. Oh no, not at all. But, I must also admit that I do think that sissies are kind of sweet and gentle people, even if I do speak of myself here too. Most people who do like sissies admire them for their gentle considerate natures, not to mention the fact that some of us can look very pretty too. (present company is not excluded here, tee hee hee)

True, I am a natural born male, and it is also true that I have loved wearing girl's clothes for most of my life. If being a boy and wearing girls clothes, or I should qualify that to say, 'really liking' to wear girl's clothes qualifies me as a sissy, then I am a sissy.

I guess the better question would be why do I like to wear girl's clothes?

I love the sensations of the materials on my hairless skin. That is for sure. But even more than that, I love feeling like a girl. I like feeling pretty. I like having people look at me when I am in skirts and nylons and high heeled shoes. I like it when everyone calls me Debi.

Do I do it for sexual reasons? No, not really.

When I was young I could not be wearing panties without having an erection that is for sure. That was the only thing I did not like about wearing panties. It got hard (no pun intended) to hide what was going on when I wore my sister's panties, camisoles and slips under my school clothes. Besides, having a constant erection can become quite painful if it goes on for too long. And, as I said, if I was in panties, I had an erection. I learned that the best way to stop that was to wear panties so much that I got used to the feel of them under my clothes. So that is what I did to solve the problem.

Yes, I loved how the panties felt on me in that state, but that was not the reason why I wore girl's underwear. I wore it because that is what girls do. For me, the excitement of dressing in women's clothing is not that I am a man in drag. The emotional release for me is that I know that I am doing what any other woman does. I love and admire women, and I envy what they get to feel and experience in normal every day life.

When I was eighteen, I figured that I must be as queer as a $3.00 bill because for months at a time I did not wear any male underwear. Most of my outer wear was girl's clothes that looked like boy's clothes too. And whenever I would get home at night I'd put on a skirt or a dress. I figured that if I was that queer, that maybe I should see if I could respond to another male the way that a girl responds to a guy.

So when a guy tried to pick me up, I told him that he could come to my apartment if he let me go home first and dress up as a girl for him. He said he had never heard of such a thing but that he was game for anything at least once. So, I ended up have my first date with a guy.

Did I like having sex with a guy? In a way I did. What turned me on was not that I was with a guy, but that I was the girl. He thought I was pretty and he treated me like he would treat a girl. It was quite different from the way guys usually treated me. When we had the sex thing, what turned me on was the fact that I was getting to do to a guy whatever a girl does to a guy. I had to that point in time never felt so wonderfully feminine before that. I did not really like having sex with a guy but I absolutely adored having sex in the woman's role with a guy.

Do I think that I am gay because I like guys? No. I feel like I am a woman responding to what women respond to. I tried going with a guy when I was a guy and I really hated it. I only liked it when I got to be a girl.

Ever since I was very young, I have envied girls. I have envied them for their scent, the hormones in their blood and I have envied them for being expected to act like young ladies and being expected to wear pretty clothes. If I was born a girl, I would have the right to be prissy and proper.

Because I was not born a girl, and I still had those desires, I was branded as a sissy. In my small town where I grew up, one of the lowest forms of life on the earth. So in order to hide myself, I taught myself how to act like a boy, so my friends would like me and not hate me. I had to watch every movement and every thought in order to not betray myself, but I taught myself how to do that. It was hell. I hated it.

Would I want my son to grow up being a sissy? No, obviously not. But by the same token, if God were to stand in front of me today and ask me if I wanted him to take my feminine personality away from me, I would respectfully decline his offer.

Why?

Why would anyone in their right mind choose to have something in their lives that is a constant source of fear, of humiliation and of destruction to the self worth?

Well, the answer is partly in the question I believe. No one in their right mind, unless they were seriously unbalanced would choose to have this kind of element in their lives. I often see young people today struggling with just trying to find out who they are, and I am thankful that most of them do not also have the gender question to curse them too. So I do believe that a transvestite may be a transvestite in part because it is in their nature to be a cross dresser, not because they choose to be one. They have a feminine side to their lives that needs to be expressed. I do not believe anyone would choose this life style for themselves.

I would not anyway.

True, it is me that puts on the feminine attire. No one makes me do it. No one holds a gun to my head and threatens me if I do not put on women's clothing. (That might be a nice fantasy to try sometime though) But my inner nature requires that I give expression to the sweet feminine personality that hides behind the successful businessman that I masquerade as daily. If I do not give expression to Miss Deborah Leigh Johnson's personality, it is not very long before I am once again detesting myself.

I spent years waking up every morning, looking in the mirror, and hating the male face that I saw there. I hated it because it was not the face I wanted to see. I wanted to see a pretty and smooth skinned complexion with lush eye lashes and full lips looking back at me. I would look into the mirror, and hate that I would have to pass one more day pretending to be a man so that I could earn some money to take care of this male body and the familial responsibilities that came with it.

I hated having to pretend to be a man so that everyone that I dealt with on a daily basis would like me and accept me and not ostracise me. I ended up with a resentment to those whom I loved because they stood in the way of my being allowed to be Deborah when I needed to be her.

I do feel that my male persona is the drag element of my life. I taught myself how to be a boy. Being feminine is the natural way for me to be.

I feel like a woman inside. How do I know that I feel like a woman if I have never been a woman? I know because Debi has her own personality. She has her own perceptions and responses to life. They are different than the male person that I also am. They are like opposite poles, they are so divergent in some ways.

I am a male, but I have no joy in what seems to please most males. I see how they seem to thrive on competition, how the seem to enjoy the strain of muscular stress, how the seem to relish the role of protector and provider for the weaker ones in their lives. They seem to enjoy the hunt and prowl of seeking out and conquering women. They seem to love sports.

I have never felt those kinds of feelings. I would rather be the pursued than the pursuer.

I have felt a great deal of envy for women whose right it is to have a male feel that way about them. I feel envy when I see a beautiful woman walk down the street. I admire and envy her for the way she looks, and because she has the right by virtue of her hormones to dress and act that way. I see her, and I can not stop myself from wondering what her pretty clothes feel like to wear. I envy her when I see how men react to her, endeavouring to attract her attention to themselves. I envy her when I see her feminine spirit displayed. I think the feminine spirit is one of the pure wonders and delights of the world.

Getting back to why do I wear women's clothes, for me the most wonderful times of my life is when I can look in the mirror and see the reflection of a lady looking back at me. It is not sexual in anyway. It is pure emotional and spiritual satisfaction. It is a peace, knowing that when I am free to dress according to my inner gender, that I am being a whole person for that time. It is a sense of wholeness and completeness that I never get to feel as a male.

The most wonderful sense of freedom washes over me when I walk into a restaurant or store, and I look, act and sound like a lady of good taste and breeding. When the clerk smiles at me and says "Yes Ma'am. Will that be all Ma'am?"

I can not ever begin to put into words the wonderful sense of completeness that I feel when I am perceived and treated like I have a right to wear the dresses or skirt suits that I tend to prefer to wear. To me, it is the only respite from life that I have ever really had. To me, the degree of delight and pleasure that I experience when I am accepted as just another woman going about her business is the highest degree of satisfaction that I can ever experience.

That is why I would never want to give it up. It is too precious an experience for me.

My life as a boy and as a man is not great. As a boy I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My father was an alcoholic and my mother had her own set of baggage to deal with. To me, when my sister dressed me up in her clothes, it was like an escape into a bit of heaven.

I will admit that I was dressing in my sister's clothes long before she ever knew about it. I can remember dressing in panties and a dress as early as three years old. I was severely ridiculed and terrified at the way I was treated when it was discovered, but I could never bring myself to stop doing it. It just felt too good to me.

In my home, though I was only 7 or 8 years old, I was the oldest male. I was treated differently than my two younger sisters were treated. I was accorded privileges that they did not have because I was a boy and they were not. I would have given all that up in a second if I could have woken up one morning, and found that my gender required me to wear dresses to school. I longed for the right to be prissy. It was like an unfulfilled addiction of a sort.

My sister would find reasons for me to wear her clothes. Then she would wear mine, and she would take my role and I was relegated to her role as the less privileged younger sister. She would steal my toys and make me play with her dolls when we switched roles.

She learned by the age of eight that even though I was older than she was, that if she could get me into her clothes, that I became a docile little girl, and that meant that she could make me do whatever she wanted me to do. She made me practice for hours picking things up off the floor in a way that would not reveal my panties, or making me walk with a dictionary on my head so that I walked like a little lady. She'd make me practice sitting and standing. She told me many years later that she did that because she thought that I was so cute and feminine that she loved seeing me act that way.

My sister controlled me with her clothing till I was sixteen and I had left the familial home. She hated being a girl as much as I wanted to be a girl. I would have gladly traded bodies with her, were it possible.

When I grew older and I was able to throw off all the emotional baggage that my parents had visited on me. I was able to mature myself and educate myself at my own expense. I became moderately successful at the career I had chosen to follow. I actually made a pretty good life for my self and my family.

I thought that marriage would make a man out of me. All it did was make me envy my wife. She left me because she did not want to be 'married with a woman', is how she worded it. Believe it or not, the court awarded me total custody of my very beautiful blond haired and blue eyed three year old daughter.

For a time, I was allowed to be the mommy and the daddy. I did not want to influence my daughter in any way, so I did not let her see me dressed, but I always felt maternal rather than paternal towards her. I loved thinking of myself as her mommy when I took care of her needs for her.

As time progressed I came to understand that I was a transgendered, a person with two spirits, one masculine and one feminine. Because my current living arrangement gives me the freedom to become Miss Deborah for a few days at a time every couple of months, I have been able to integrate the male and female personalities.

I no longer wake up every day and hate what I see in the mirror. I wish I could see a womanly reflection, but at least I do not hate what I do see now. I love being Deborah. Being Deborah for me is like being shipwrecked on an island. It is better than being shipwrecked with no island around.

If I did not have a good business, and a very loving wife I suspect that I would seek out sex reassignment. But I do love my wife, and I do enjoy the fruits of the years of labour that built my business, and so I am able to be somewhat happy as I am, as long as I am able to become Deborah for a few days at a time, every few weeks.

Where do I go to be Miss Debi? I belong to a wonderful support group in Ottawa called Gender Mosaic. I have met some wonderful people there. I meet with them once or twice a month. They have taught me a great deal.

I also go to Wildside for four or five days at a time. I really love it there. I dress in the morning before I leave to go to Toronto. I usually do not take any male clothes with me. I am a woman for a number of days at a time. Wildside provides an atmosphere that is so supportive that I feel completely free when I am there.

I have also met some great friends there, including the 5' 17" infamous Miss Roxy Wildside. Paddy Aldridge has such a wonderful understanding of the feminine spirited man as well. She almost makes you feel like she is the kind of mom that you wanted to grow up having, because she seems to truly delight in feminising males. I do not mean this to be a commercial for Wildside but if you have not been there, do yourself a favour and go and meet these people.

I find that if I do not have that freedom, I become self loathing and irritable and I lose control over my life.

Because of an understanding and loving wife who allows me the freedom to be whom I am, though she does not understand it and she fears that she may lose me to my femme nature some day, I have been able to integrate the two personalities, and I have peace now in a way that I had never known before.

One side aspect is that because I no longer seem to torment with this inner struggle, I am far more relaxed at home and at my office. Clients seem to pick up on that. I am making far more money now, with less work than I ever dreamed that I would be able to.

So, while I can not be a woman all the time, at least I have been able to find a sort of balance.

So, I am a sissy because that is what I am. And, I absolutely love it too. I do not feel like a sissy, but I know that in most eyes, girls like me are sissies. Hey, they do not know what they are missing, eh?

I wish you all well, Miss Deborah (Debi) Leigh Johnson

Dear Deborah,

You are such a card. The text you put together here reflects on your success writing books for Reluctant Press. I hope my readers read your article for a second and third time. We are just people and some of us are sisters in gender. It appears that your high heels are firmly planted on the ground and your judgement is solid. I look forward to seeing you soon.

Your good friend, Roxy.

Dear Roxy,

My name is Wendel Sky, I'm nineteen, and I have just discovered how much I love to wear girls clothing especially the panties.

First off I would like to tell you about my family. I live at home with my mother, father, and sister. I've grown up in a very wealthy home with strict rules for my sister and I to follow, with daily chores and schoolwork it is difficult to have any spare time for myself. Both of my parents work within the house we live, this is to ensure that my sister and I follow every instruction given, and not to be influenced by the conflicts of the out side world. Living with these conditions, it has been hard for both my sister and I to make friends therefore turning to each other for advice and company. Over the years my sister, Elizabeth, has been very understanding and supportive of my decisions, although she is only two years older than me, I feel that I have learned everything I know of life from her.

Elizabeth is a tall, lean young lady in her early twenty's, she has the face of an angel, and her long black hair accentuates the defined curves of her body. She is also domineering, setting me straight when my head is in the clouds, and not on my studies. I don't mind that she is controlling over my habits, I feel she is protecting me from our parents, who would punish me severely if they knew how much time I spent daydreaming.

I always admired my sister and the way her clothing settled upon her body, draping on her as if she was to precious for clinging or to delicate too be in baggy clothing. The softness of her silks would send these odd little sensations in my body. Once she was wearing this chiffon summer dress and I could see the detail of her bra and panties. That's when curiosity struck me. Later that evening I was in the laundry room while getting my freshly cleaned cloths when I glimpsed and saw the panties in Elizabeth's pile. Immediately I grabbed a pair and put them in the middle of my pile as I headed towards my room.

My heart was pounding like never before by the fact that I stole my sister's panties, and the thought of getting away with it. After I put all my clothes away I held the panties in my hands, fondling them as if they were a rare precious jewel. I had never seen such precise and delicate stitching. I had to try them on, remembering how lovely they looked on Elizabeth. I was curious how they would look and feel on my body. I stood in front of the mirror wearing only the panties and I was in heaven. The soft silkiness of them sent a number of thrilling sensations throughout my entire body. It was like nothing I have ever experienced before. I was so surprised how pretty they looked on me and how pretty they made me feel that I never wanted to take them off. After I had placed them in a small box. I placed them in my closet and went to bed.

The next morning I was so excited about my new found discovery, I couldn't wait to put those pretty pink panties on. I wanted to see what it would be like to wear them the whole day.
Do you think this is weird?

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

I am a prisoner of women's clothes. If I could not express myself in women's clothes I swear that I would die of suffocation. My first total captivation with women's clothes was my fetish for girl's one piece bathing suits. You are NOT weird! Answering your letter makes me feel great because if we both your age we would be sisters. Do not divulge anything to your parents. Form a bond of trust with your sister who is a real GG (Genuine Girl). Times they are a changing so Bob Dylan's song goes long before you were born. The sexual and sensual pressures we share are formidable. You have the luxury of youth on your side. Feel as pretty as you can. I perceive that you have a lot of closet living to do yet. Do not piss off your sister by stealing her stuff. She will rat on you if you do not come clean with her. Believe it or not she knows those panties are missing and she knows that you have them.

Until you gain the courage to buy your own stuff, get her to buy things for you. Make your sister your ally. Blood is thicker than water. Both you and your sister are in the same stifling environment. Give it time and you will find a significant other (S.O) who will take her place.

Women love to have a man who loves wearing their stuff, if the relationship with the S.O. is started in complete honesty. You will find yourself in perhaps a bar scene and you will say, "Hey, I really like that dress". If she responds, "Do you want to try it on?" Go for it! If she asks you how much money you want to spend, tell her to get lost. She is either a hooker or an undercover cop. The bottom line in all of this is ultimate discretion. Do not do anything rash. Your repression is evident from you comments about your living circumstances. You are a baby in the TV world. Please be patient and please do not be hard on yourself.

Roxy is many moons older than you and I got past 19 with flying colors with all of my sexual energy not leading to my coming out of the closet until I found my TV peer group. Wear the panties and jerk off in front of the mirror. But return those panties to your sister without having them slopped with cum.

Hello there, sexy Roxy. I'm Danny, and I'm writing you in regards of asking for your help if you could?

In regards of asking if you yourself know of any TVs that would be interested in one of my personal erotic full body massages which are 1 hour long for $40.00 and $35.00 if stockings or pantyhose are worn during the massage session. This is a great price for a one hour massage. Roxy = Plus. During the massage, Roxy, there is a lot of teasing with my mouth and tongue also included!

I would like to place an ad but can't because of personal reasons. So, Roxy, if you could please see what you can do for me, it would be so greatly appreciated. Roxy for sure if anyone knows sexy TVs it's you and you are one very sexy wicket looking TV yourself to say the least Roxy and it shows.
You're a too sexy TV Princess and I want to say that if you're interested in one (massage) yourself Roxy, and "free of charge" for you, for I would be honored in doing so in trying to help me with this matter. So with your return reply to me, just let me know when you're ready and where if you'd like one Roxy. And yes for you "free of charge" and "I" guarantee you won't be disappointed Princess!
For you are one very sexy wicket looking TV and one that I'd just love to Take a Walk on the Wildside with and to have the great chance of being your ultimate slave to worship and pamper every luscious inch of you Roxy, anywhere, any place, any time, MMM Roxy.

Well Roxy, I'll say bye for now and I will be really looking forward to hearing back from you on this matter and hopefully having this very lucky chance of showing you one of my personal full body massages, as well Roxy, you'll get and feel first hand of this great massage I have in-store for you, and other sexy TVs that you know.

You can even have another friend of yours there too if you'd like to watch etc. = I'm very easy going!

You are the first correspondent to this column that has made me blush (that is to say blush through my blush). I have to be honest with you to a fault. Roxy Manitou Wildside is a lesbian. If you were to touch my body I would puke. If I am living in denial for being a biological man, so be it. I do not need some self-confessed creep to get my jollies. TAB Magazine provides a whole world of advertising space for professed fetishist folks such as you. Your personal biography can go in TAB for free providing if you meet their deadlines.

As Roxy Wildside I represent, as the Chatelaine of the Manner, the hallmark figure of fantasy for our company, "Take A Walk On The Wildside". We only deal with clients who are interested in proper women's clothing coordinated with tasteful makeup application. Surely I do look devastatingly great when I am in drag, but I am a studio Queen. My object in all of this is to stop traffic but not to pass as a woman. I only do special events, not personal events. Watch me on television and read about me in the newspapers. I am indeed a celebrity figure but not the way you have mistakenly perceived me. Whoever you lick will never be me.

Sorry, Roxy.

Hi Roxy,

I am scared to ask this I have done this, once or twice before I got married. Now I have a wife and three beautiful daughters and I like to dress as a woman, hence my problem (I do it when my wife and girls are out).

How do I figure out my under garment sizes (when I did it before I always got the wrong sizes) and I don't want to shave too much of my hair from my self for fear of detection. I have had wigs, a treasure chest and foundation stuff
even makeup. But I got rid of it when I got married and now want to try again. I would like a natural look of breasts using my own and augmenting with extra padding how do I know what size to buy with out a lot of expense.

Second, my waist. How do I get the female look with out to much expense so my bum sticks out a bit and if I wore spandex bike pants you might not see the foundation, or is this possible? I would like to acquaint my hips as well. And for my legs I want a panty hose that would cover the hair on my legs (I have shaved them before so my growth is light I am 6' 1" tall 180 lbs, wear size 34 to 36 pant (my size varies due to weight) wear size 42 jacket. Do you think you could help? And if so would you send stuff to me in plain packages to a box # ? I am so happy I have found a Canadian place. I was sick of looking in the states for things and worried about duty etc. Please let me know if you can help. Thank you very much. I love your sight I get excited looking at all the pretty things.

Michelle

Dear Michelle,

If your family finds out the wrong way, you could be in very serious SHIT! You will have to delicately massage the fact of your transvestism into your lifestyle. You are not going to purge your clothes again. You have to come out of the closet for your own mental health. But let me warn you that it may cost you your marriage. It is my experience that women are very territorial and they do not like men who invade their feminine space particularly if they look better and enjoy their clothes more. I would say to anyone who enters a relationship to put their transvestism right up front and let the relationship go from there. Remember that a woman wants to marry a man and not live with a woman or a sister however contrived. With respect to clothes and fittings, come to Take A Walk On The Wildside and get a transformation. We are just about the same size.

Good luck and God bless you my sister, Roxy.

Dear Roxy, Please Post Widely

WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (AP) - The Dodgers apologized Wednesday to a lesbian couple ejected from Dodger Stadium earlier this month after the two shared a kiss during a game against the Chicago Cubs.

``I was troubled ... because of what it implied about the Dodger organization,'' team president Bob Graziano said.

``It means a lot to me that you are Dodger fans,'' he said to Danielle Goldey and Meredith Kott. ``We will continue to do the right thing.''

The two were escorted out of the ballpark on Aug. 8. Goldey and Kott say they initially were not told why they were being ejected, but later they were told that someone complained and said children should not be exposed to ``those people.''

The couple said their companions, a heterosexual couple, also kissed but were not ejected. Because of this, they felt the action of the eight security guards was discrimination.

In addition to the public apology, the Dodgers donated 5,000 tickets to three gay and lesbian organizations and promised sensitivity training for their employees.

``I think they stepped up to the plate more than they had to,'' Goldey said. ``All we wanted was an apology ... I'm very proud to be a Dodger fan.''

``I'm extremely happy with the results,'' Kott said.

The couple had planned to file a civil rights lawsuit if the Dodgers had not apologized, according to their lawyer, Bernie Bernheim. He said he first thought the Dodgers might have a policy against gay and lesbian couples showing affection in the ballpark.

``I'm frankly shocked,'' Bernheim said. ``Their response is atypical and outstanding.'' He said the Dodgers have done more to make amends than any other corporation he's dealt with.

Goldey and Kott have been invited to sit behind home plate to make up for the game they missed.

``It is not trivial to be thrown out of a public place based of who you are,'' said Jon Davidson of the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, a gay advocacy group. ``This result is a home run for all concerned.''

Well done, and thanx for this info, Roxy.

Dear Roxy,

Could you please (or have someone) take a minute to send me an e-mail when my backorder has been shipped? I don't mind waiting, it's just disappointing to find an empty post office box when I think my package might be there.

I have never had a bad experience with wildside, and that in itself is unique. Other on-line apparel merchants seem to be indifferent to long-term customer service. Maybe they are so successful that they don't care about repeat business.

Thank-you,
A.W.

Dear A.W.,
Your order just arrived today from our supplier and I will send it out immediately.
Thanx so much for your patience, Roxy.

Dear Roxy.

Thanks for the reply it's great to see that you take the time to send and answer e-mails. I hope this isn't too much to ask but I have many specific questions that I need answered and I was hoping that I could ask you. (Everyone said you (Wildside) are the one.)

Well here goes.

First- Is it normal for one to grow towards wanting to become a woman (not physically)? The past several months I have been looking at what woman wear, how they dress, adds for clothing and the likes. It seems like becoming a woman has taken over. I know I could never wear woman's cloths except in private but the desire to become complete has grown very strong.

Second- Is it normal that the desire goes away after sex and that I feel embarrassed and can not keep dressed? I guess I feel very embarrassed the whole time I'm dressed. I am a very powerful guy in my everyday life and have many rough edges. Many would say that I don't have a soft side. How does that
work? It feels really good to give control to someone else and not to have to make a lot of decisions.

Third- Have you seen this type of relationship before? I love my wife and have never been with another woman in my life. So I would do anything to please her and make her happy, I just want to do it right. Would a visit to your place be of any help? Someone at the chat room said that you don't want the wife to come for the first several visits. Is that true? And what would one do or learn from you (you must understand this is so very new to me and that I need to feel good about you). Remember I have and don't seek any physical contact with another woman, but the fact that I'm talking to you is almost over whelming.

Well enough for now need to stop and think a while. Thanks again for the reply. It is a first for me. Thanks.

Sincerely, Tammie.

Dear Tammie,

For your first question, check your belly button and think about your origin. Consider further ''the-back-to-womb" syndrome. Put it clearly into your mind that society and social mores around us have made this regression appear unnatural to the uninitiated.

Your second claim is very convoluted. Your gender identity is not between your legs, it is between your ears (so well put by Virginia Prince). There is a difference between living the fantasy and the fantasy itself. We, as biological males, are not supposed to dress as women. Guilt leads to embarrassment. Too many guys purge their girl's stuff only to buy it all back again and feel further guilt and embarrassment for succumbing to societal pressures. You are normal! Fantasies do indeed flee after orgasm or after one's brain clears from a few drinks or smokes.

For your third point you have been misinformed about S.O.'s (Significant Others) here at Wildside. We welcome with more than open arms the support of "G.G.'s" (Genuine Girls). It is therapeutic for both sexes to meld and share the same gender by breaching the sexual dichotomy and sharing the bonding through life's true likenesses. I have seen your situation many times. We are sisters in gender. A visit to Take A Walk On The Wildside is a great first step especially if you can get your S.O. to come here on a Saturday. Presently you are possessed with your obsessive fantasy. Do not let your fantasy destroy your marriage! Grow up! Count your blessings and do not do anything rash! Most all of my sister's have failed relationships. Don't you make it a perfect score.

Tread carefully, Roxy.

Roxy:

Just to let you know I am a 100% real girl! I've been in the fetish and Drag lifestyle for over 10 years. I've been in 2 long-term relationships with cross dresses, I also work in a Lady's Clothing Boutique. So I have alot of dealings with dressers (even you). On all levels ... friends, lovers and professionally.

Well I have been in your store and to events you and Paddy have to, so I would like to share my comments with you ...

* First of all your store is a Dump, your prices are Outrageous and your merchandise is Cramp! (I did not bother to fix your grammar and spelling mistakes so that my scene cult following could get to know you for what you really. I always say, "Look at the source".) It really sickened me to be in it.
* You were there a couple of the times as a Man, which was O.K. with me, but you were an asshole (underlined). You have No people skills! (Last three words underlined)

* Paddy looks like a big fat bingo playing dike (sorry girls). Maybe she should get one of your makeovers! Rumor has it she used to be a man? I don't believe that only because she looks too much like a real man! At least dressers try to look clean (double underlined) and as feminine (double underlined) as possible!

You should be happy if you have repeat clients, because No (underlined) one I know will go to you, and if I hear others considering it I advise them Not (underlined) to! You feed off your clients insecurities and fears. Hold on to those you have as bigger and better is popping up! Also keep your Fetish comments to yourself! You & Paddy are not a part of the scene!

It's time to retire "Old Hag". (double underlined) There's a "New" (underlined) girl around town named "Enza Anderson" (underlined) who can live up to everything you are posing yourself to be! I elect that she takes over your column!

To all the other dressers ... go to your local lingerie or clothing shops and be polite, respectful and discrete the clerks will be more than happy to serve you! As for make-up and wigs get a female friend she'll be happy to help you for FREE!

Disgusted.
Sorry the truth Hurts!

Dear Disgusted,

Going to traditional places makes men who have their secret fantasies feel very uncomfortable. We are a total "turn key" and very discrete operation. We make men feel like they are whole with themselves and comfortable. Lingerie stores do not provide our unique products and services and sizes that men require. Our prices are in line with "normal" businesses and the GST is included in our store prices. We have the packages, unique advice and a Club setting for like-minded customers. All of our folks are "sisters" and share the same interests. Your vitriolic diatribe is absolutely unfounded. I have let our customers read your letter and they have all concluded that you are on the "rag" honey.

I do love controversy, Roxy.

Dear Friend, Roxy,

Just a short note to give you two pieces of information.

First, I have deposited a new demand for changing my name (the third one in fact) to the Registrar of civil status and it will take few months before receiving his decision. However, the Registrar of civil status is now submitted to the guidelines established by the Superior Court and the Court of Appeal. If his decision is negative, you may be sure that I will be back again in front of the court to challenge his "arbitrary power".

Second and it is more interesting, I have been elected as president of the Association of students enrolled at the master or at the Ph.D. in law at University Laval and as the representative of the Association to the Council of the Faculty of Law of University Laval.As you know, I am enrolled as a student for a Ph.D. in law at University Laval. A new small step is done to equality and recognition.

Micheline :-){8-<==

Dear Micheline,

I have to explain to my readers that you are a French Canadian lawyer and you are fighting the Government of Quebec for gender equality.

Good luck my friend and God's speed, Roxy.

Dear Roxy,

I would like to take this time to thank (Paddy & Roxxy) And Your Staff for you fast and great service on phone and sending My New Wig I Love It Am Wearing It Know I Feel Like A New Ladie Thanks Again (((HUGS))) Maria . I have Meet Roxxy Once At Zippers Love The Time She Took With Me My First Time Out In Public Dressed Em I was so scared but CJ, Mysti, Craig, Midol, Deb, Dianne, Ed And some Young Ladie She Drives Truck. I Love the Conversation. She was From Wildside. I Am Hoping to meet you all again in Jan. I Am Going To Come For Weekend If Every Think Permits. Love You All. You Make My Life Full.

Kiss Kiss For You All, Maria.

Dear Maria,

Thanx for the positive shot in the ego and for your true impression of what we really do at Take A Walk On The Wildside. Wildside and Roxy do go the extra mile for our clients. I need the support of my sisters especially after some of the negative things said in this column by another person who did not have the courage to sign their own name and who also could not provide positive criticism.

"These actions by police are disgusting & the Chief is responsible for any and all actions his officers take. And his not knowing what they are up to is a sign of a leader not in command. Cops need to obey the law too" said Anderson.

"I am tired of police harassment of minority communities, of poor communities, of targeted policing & and I'm outraged that politicians might support these oppressive actions."
Enza is disgusted by police racism, and harassment of people of colour, and outraged by the number of needless deaths caused by police. Enza is offended by the police sexual harassment of women at Pussy Palace.

"I demand a full investigation into the conduct of our police, into the death of Otto Vass, the harassment of homeless people, and the sexual harassment of women at the women's bath house."

"Not all cops are bad. All good cops should outraged by the fact that some police are using their power to abuse people," said Enza. Enza made the announcement that she would work to fire Julian Fantino at an impromptu rally against police harassment at police headquarters on College St. "If Julian Fantino has any integrity at all he will either discipline police who harass people or resign. With the number of unsolved murders, and assaults the fact that some police could find time to harass people shows that they are not doing their jobs, and our tax dollars are being wasted."

Do not think for one moment that you can fight City Hall! I wonder where my best friend Sky Gilbert was during this raid? If you persist in your campaign you will be crushed like a bug. I do admire your courage. Watch out who your supporters are and make sure in your own mind that you are not being manipulated. It could end up that you might do more to embarrass the Gay community in Toronto than you are able to believe. I am a right-winger and a Tory. I support Julian Fatino and the Police Force in Toronto with my life. As well I respect you.

God Bless those who died so that we have freedom of speech, Roxy.

Dear Roxy,

I've tried "shopping" on your website a couple of times, often I couldn't get your page. I'm the kinda girl that would die of embarrassment public shopping, (to make matters worse I have to use a family member's computer), and could use some help, (for instance, if I had something shipped to a small town, would everyone know?). I think I know what I want (for now) but my feet are cold ...?

Kathy.

Dear Kathy,

We are doing major work on our Website and at times it is down. Please bear with us. It is very difficult to shop in public until you become a veteran TV. That is why Wildside is here, especially for the novice. Our complete discretion is our Hallmark. If we ship to your small town the package will be absolutely undetectable for its contents. Warm up those feet and try your order again.

Thanx, Roxy.

Dear Readers,

There is an absolute "must" theatrical production to see! I am talking about Dame Edna Everage's (Barry Humphries') "The Royal Tour" at the Pantages Theatre staying on until December 17. I went there wearing a purple updo wig and a matching purple gown accented by thigh high white platform boots which made me about seven feet tall! From the moment I entered the theatre I sensed that a laugh riot was about to commence. First of all Dame Edna and I were the only men in drag. I spent a lot of time in my makeup and wardrobe preparation to look the best I could because of the respect I have formulate over the years for this performer. I used AMEX and went to the "Front of the Line". I was in the front row and Barry was only 20 feet from me at any one time. He would talk to members of the audience and profusely examine me. Certainly I( scared the shit out of him because he engaged everyone around me but would talk to me. He talked to about 15 people and remembered all their names throughout the entire performance.

Dame Edna is one consummate Drag Queen stand up comic who has the wonderful gift of being extemporaneous and adlibbing to the point that I had tears of laughter until I thought I would run out of tears by the intermission. At the intermission I had a few drinks to replace my necessary bodily fluids and it became time to go to the washroom. I have a personal policy that I always use the Men's John. Picture this. I had ten guys in three piece suits in front of me and ten guys in three piece suits behind me. I was the only elegantly dressed TV going to the crapper. My first available vehicle for bladder relief was a urinal stall which I occupied to the amazement of all others concerned with the same peeing need. I hoisted my ankle-length gown and I did my thing (no pun intended). Guys came up[ to me and remarked at my courage. Women, because of my height, could only address me in my silicone glued on tits remarked at my nipple displacement. One woman said that my left nipple was a little low and a bit too much to the left. I retorted that I was signaling a left. Everybody in the audience, which might have numbered about 2,000, was in good spirits and received me well. But remember that Roxy Wildside was not the ultimate star of the show. The star was Dame Edna and she made sure that Roxy Wildside did not steal any of her thunder. So be it. I have never enjoyed an evening out like that in my life.

Thanx Barry. Love and respect, Roxy.

Dear Roxy,

I just love your on-line catalogue & will soon become a customer (lacking money today) I have a question about your wigs. You have a beautiful collection & I know that I will have difficulty making up my mind. My question is- because I have a head that is a bit larger than most people (adjustable ball caps must be as large as they'll go), will I likely encounter problems with fit? Are there any of your wigs that would be better than others because of this?

Thank you for taking the time to look this over, I will someday show my appreciation by becoming a good customer.

Lorraine

Dear Lorraine,

We have fortunately found a Canadian supplier that allows us to sell a very grand selection of fine quality wigs for $50.00. All of these wigs are adjustable and they fit my large head. So I will think you will find a wig or possible three that will express the woman in you. I say three wigs because by the time we order from the great U.S.A suppliers we get into brokerage fees and the rotten exchange on our Canadian dollar which means that for the price one American wig you could get three of our wigs. With respect to which kind of style in the hair piece that would be suitable for you, you would have to come into our Boutique and give several a test drive. A lot depends on your shoulder width, weight, height and body frame. Also I do not know whether you want to "pass", go out in public or just do your TV thing at home. Come into our store and we can certainly discover the "babe" in you and get your fantasy on line.

Hope I helped, Roxy.

Hi Roxy,

I am newly entering your wonderful world. With the help of a new friend I have had some great experiences. I would like to know how I would go about acquiring realistic looking breasts?
How do I determine my size?Do you have a regular (fe)mail news letter? If so please add me to your mailing.

Thanks. Looking forward to talking again. Christine.

Dear Christine,

Silicone breast forms are "The Answer" short of getting your own breast implants. These forms can be glued on with medical adhesive and cleaned up with the medical adhesive remover. These chemicals cause no harm to the silicone breasts and limited skin irritation to one's chest (depending on how long he/she wants to wear them). Size depends again on a person's body frame and purpose (trying to 'pass' in public or private entertainment). We have a free info pack and you may want to get on our computer mailing list at www.wildside.org. We also provide a free Message Board and a free Chat Line at the same address.

Happy hunting, Roxy.

Hi, Roxy,

My name is Jim. I am going to be in the Toronto area in few weeks. While I am there I would like to visit your salon and receive your make-up nail services the few days that I am there. I would like to have all of the services that you provide.

I already have long painted toenails but they are never long enough. I like them very, very long. Can you make them longer? I would like to have a full set of nails but only if they look like my real nails when I do not have them painted.

My hair is dark brown and wavy. It goes down to my waist. I keep it in a ponytail but when I am in full dress, I comb it all over the top of my head, in my face and over my left eye.
I am 33 years old. I weigh 138lbs. and I am 5' 8'and I love to wear 5 inch spike heels with an open toe. I have several out fits, one is a very tight fitting mini dress and the other is supper low show-all hip-huggers, both are black.

I have been wearing spike heels for a long time but I have problems with my make-up and carrying myself, so I only do it in private. I would love to be able to walk down the street in the daytime with my spike heels on and my bright red finger and toe nails flashing in the sunlight. I would like to find a dress without a back and revealing a little bit of cleavage and a "V" neck all the way down to my private area, with a long skirt with a slit all the way up to my waist. Long tight fitting sleeves to hold it up.

Hoping to hear from you, Jim.

Dear Jim,

At Take A Walk On The Wildside we do have excellent make-over and transformation services. We can recommend and connect you with everybody that you require to do your nails be they hand or feet and as well any alternate services.. We just do not do toes here. In fact, I personally cannot wear the high heel pumps and boots that bring me so much pleasure if I have really long toenails. I understand why you prefer open toed shoes. We will have to talk because I do not understand how you can do it. My hair is about as long as yours and I have had to go to hair extensions because my fine hair just splits off at shoulder length. I envy your hair. If you show up here at Wildside I will escort you to many wonderful TV friendly places and my wife Paddy and I will make sure that you look and feel great. Stick on your boobs and you can wear backless dresses. If you go tape and contour-highlighter to express your own tits the backless look is out. Paint those nails girl and get out in that sunshine. We will show you how to deport yourself as a proper lady.

Roxy

Dear Roxy,

Thank you so much for your reply and for your offer to send me the jpegs for the pictures you retained. I will certainly remember you when I get ready to get rid of my stuff again - and I hope that never happens again. I think I am over the "purging" stage and have accepted my feelings as real. I certainly know they will not go away just by throwing away clothes and pictures. Thanks again for offering to send the pictures. I have already found a corset on your shopping pages that I think I will get. The smarter thing may be to lose about 50 pounds, but the likelihood of that happening
anytime soon is slim (get it? - "slim"). Anyway, I enjoy being Ashley whenever I get the chance and I am also beginning to be able to deal with the sexual desires associated with Ashley as well. I have denied them for about 30 years, so I have a lot of "making up" to do!!

Take care of yourself and I will certainly see you on my next trip to Canada. I think it's time for another makeover and a new set of pictures!!

Love and kisses, Ashley.

Dear Ashley,

Purging your wardrobe not solve or will never solve anything about being a TV. We just are TV's and that will never change as long as we live. Be Ashley!! Enjoy Ashley!! She is you, my sister.

Your sister, Roxy.

Dear Roxy

Thankyou! Roxy

I had the pleasure of visiting "Wildside" Wed. Dec 06th, And purchased several items. I am taking this opportunity to thank you for your kindness and consideration, as this was the first time that I had bought any specific items for crossdressing. You made me feel very comfortable, and for that I thank you. Come the spring, I expect to visit "Wildside"
Again, Dan.

Thanx, Dan. Please read the following letter that trashes back the person or thing that does not appreciate TAKE A WALK ON THE WILDSIDE for what you know we really are (In response to a negative letter published by us two issues ago and more positive responses about us are coming). Love you, Roxy.

Dear Ms Anon

I am sorry that I must refer to you in such an impersonal fashion, but you did not sign the letter you sent, so I can't address you in a more personal way. Which letter am I talking about? You, who wrote it, will certainly know that you wrote to Roxy in a most derogatory fashion. Roxy showed me the letter. Naturally, she was quite upset that anyone would think of Roxy and Paddy in those kind of negative terms.

So, why am I writing a response to your letter? Well, the four-fold answer is simple enough. Firstly, I am a good friend of Roxy and Paddy. Secondly, the letter is not addressed to me, so there is nothing personal involved in my response. Thirdly, I am a successful businessperson in my own chosen profession. Fourthly, they really wanted to know if they were missing something because they have never had a person write to them in this manner before.

After the emotional response wore down, they began to examine your letter to see if there were some constructive criticisms in it that could be used to improve their business. After all, as you yourself related because of your past experience in the retail market place, if a client is not happy, they will not return to your place of business, will they? Why should they go back to your place of business, if you made them unhappy being there in the first place? You raised an excellent point when you raised this question.

To begin with, let us consider your criticisms. You say their prices are high. Is that true? Yes it is.

It is true for a very simple and practical reason. Your letter indicated that though you had had extensive experience in the marketing of ladies lingerie, you did not give any indication of an understanding of the managerial aspects of marketing lingerie.

What I mean is this. Obviously, there is a limited market for the type of merchandise that Wildside markets. The fact is, there are not a lot of men who want to by fetish clothing or lingerie for themselves. Add to that the fact that most men are much bigger than most women, and so consequently, the stock on hand sizes being marketed has to be suitable to the client who is seeking to purchase these items.

That is, Wildside has to spend thousands of dollars to keep the shelves stocked with big things, bigger than the average woman would want to buy for herself. So, because the number of customers is limited and the sizes are generally larger than those regularly available, the cost of providing a store that sells such a limited stock of wares is quite high. That price has to be passed on to the client. If it is not passed on, Wildside would go broke rather quickly.

You raised another interesting point which relates to what I just stated. You said that if most men wanted to go into lingerie stores and ask for what they wanted to buy, then they would find most retail clerks to be accepting and helpful. I take it that you are speaking from your own experience. In that case young lady, I applaud you. You obviously know how to make a man who is seeking to buy personal lingerie, feel good about doing business with you. That is very commendable. Thank you for being out there for us. We appreciate it.

The question is though, would most men want to go into retail lingerie stores to buy extra large panties and bras? I would think not.

Why not? Well, one of the answers is pretty obvious. Wildside has a clientele that has enabled them to stay in business for a number of years. If indeed their prices are higher than other retail shops, why would men want to go there instead of to other retail shops? Because they are willing to pay the premium price in order to have a place like Wildside to go to.

That is simple enough, right?

The fact is, if a man feels uncertain about himself and his desire to purchase beautiful lingerie or fetish wear for his own personal use, then he may very well want to choose to go to a place where that is common, rather than the exception. If a man goes to Wildside to buy lingerie or skirts and blouses, or whatever, he knows that if he meets other customers there that the other customers will more than likely be just like himself. He does not have to hide or feel uncomfortable about what he is buying in that store.

In other words, in an atmosphere like Wildside, it is normal for men to be buying themselves pretty lingerie or fetish wear.

However, if he went to any other retail place, he has to deal with women who expect women to be their customers for the most part. The other customers in the store are more than likely women. When they see the sizes of his selections, he will know that they will suspect that the items are for himself. That may make him feel very uncomfortable. Besides that, he may very well not even find fetish wear in those stores, right? How many stores actually sell satin French Maid uniforms in a size that might be suitable for a large muscular man to wear comfortably as a part of their normal every day stock on the shelves?

We must not forget that in many places, there are still very strict taboos on what is acceptable behaviour for the gender roles that society has defined. Older males in our society grew up indoctrinated with those taboos, and they are very hard to shake off. It was how they defined themselves growing up.

How can I say this? Well, I am told that I am a very attractive and feminine lady when I am dressed up. When I am dressed up, I do not mind at all, going into lingerie shops or women's clothing stores to buy what I want to buy. But, if I am not dressed as a woman, even though I have been out of the closet for many years, I still feel very uncomfortable about doing that.

It does not matter if it is rational or not. It is the way I feel about it that is important to me. How I feel about it is more important to me than how you or anyone else feels about a man buying women's intimate clothing. For most males, it is still a taboo, and that is all there is to it.

Your argument is that men should just get over those feelings. Well, I put it to you that most men would rather just take the simplest and easiest way of doing things of this nature. It is easier than to swim upstream so to speak. Why deal with guilt and self-doubt if you do not have to?

Now though, we come to the most disturbing parts of your letter. You made some very nasty remarks about Roxy and Paddy in a personal sort of a way. True, Roxy often works in the store, dressed as a man. Many men find that helpful to them. They know that they are dealing with someone who knows and understands then. That is why they go there, afterall.

But you also made some very nasty personal remarks about Paddy's appearance.

I read and re-read your letter. Up to that point in your letter, you had some valid points that were worthy of consideration. But, unfortunately, when you moved into the realm of such personal insults, you sort of lost your credibility.

I could not understand why you would say such terribly hurtful things to someone. True, you were not accountable for your statements, as you did not sign the letter, did you? You obviously did not want them to know who was feeling such things about them. I wondered why that was.

The fact is though that those kinds of comments were very hurtful and very personal. They were the kind of comments that you would expect from a young girl who was trying to strike back at someone for personal rejections. It sounded like a petulant little girl trying to strike out to hurt someone for hurting her or denying her something that she wants first.

You know, it is like when a petulant young girl stamps her foot and shouts at her mother, "I hate you". The tone or your letter sounded like that kind of a thing.

I could not help but to wonder if maybe you had tried to make a personal approach to Paddy or Roxy, and felt that you were rejected? Is that what happened? Did Paddy or Roxy dump you for someone else? Or perhaps they did not react to your personal overtures? Did they make you feel unlovely?

That seems to be the only reasonable explanation for such a vicious personal attack of the nature that you launched against these two very good friends of mine.

I can assure you that neither Paddy nor Roxy would deliberately try to make you feel so badly that you would have to feel that you had to strike out at them in such a personal and demeaning way. They are, afterall, professional business people. As such, they want people to like being in their store so that they will come back to the store again and again.

For some reason, they were not successful in conveying that desire to you though, were they?

I felt very sad for you that you felt so hurt that you had to write such a letter to Roxy. I sincerely hope that you can seek out counselling for that kind of inner bitterness. That kind of anger and hurt is sort of like a boil. If you do not lance it, it festers and just gets progressively worse. And the worst part is, since you did not deem it fit to sign your letter, they have no idea of who to talk to, to help you. They have no idea of what they might have done to cause someone to feel this way about them. They have no idea of whom it is that they may have unwittingly rejected. This concerns them of course. They want to be on good terms with anyone who has ever done business with them, as your letter had indicated that you have been in the store a number of times.

If indeed you are a jilted lover, it might behove you to just confront them with your feelings, or to find out how to overcome it.

Since most of your personal attack was directed at Paddy, it leads me to wonder if you might not have been a former girlfriend of hers?

From a concerned friend, Miss Deborah Leigh Johnson

Dear Deborah,

Paddy and I did not solicit your comments. Paddy and I agreed to publish the letter because unfounded liable must be followed by truth. You have helped us immensely in this respect. Indeed, phantom writer, identify yourself. We cannot live in a society that that lets one loudmouth direct the will and passions of others that do not follow your marching cadence. You are a coward and you have hidden behind what you have intonated as a perversion of men. Put things into perspective. You hate the fact that you are a woman and that you do not have the ultimate freedom of being both genders. Men do have the capability to be both stereotyped genders and look considerably better in your "women's" clothes than you do.

I thank Deborah for giving me the chance to answer this non-entity, Roxy.

Dear Roxy

Do you offer services and/or clothes, for sissy male ballerinas?

Robert.

Dear Robert,

We do not have such services or the clothes such as shoes or tutus. Wildside can provide the beautiful ballet tops and tights in many colors. I have a ballerina fetish myself. I have ordered my own tutu from a store here in Toronto that both rents and sells everything that you will need. The folks there are very TG friendly. My intention is to wear my entire ballerina regalia on the Mike Bullard Show as an audience member. I just phoned them up and told them that I am a professional transvestite and what mischief I was going to do. The store is Malabar Ltd., (416) 598-2581. I have a size 12 female shoe size. If you want ballet dance shoes you could also go to the Show Room At The National Ballet school, (416) 964-5100. Finding actual pointe shoes in my size has been impossible so far.

Happy hunting, Roxy.

Dear Roxy

Hi I was surfing the Net tonight and noticed a site in the States that sells the Veronica 1 and 2 (These are custom hip and derriere enhancement undergarments). They fit very tight to your body and give nice curves. Would you carry such items as well as I really don't want to buy via U.S.A. as they open up the stuff (embarrassment)? Do you have something similar that might do just as good a job if I wear shorts or tight skirts? And did you get my other email about foundation make up? I need to cover my eyebrows. Do you sell the mustache wax I would need and how would I remove it when finished?

Thanks sorry to bother you, Michelle.

Dear Michelle,

You are referring to the products manufactured by Classic Curves International out of Wilmington California. A regular customer of ours here at Wildside bought the Veronica 1 (the longer version). I was very impressed with the garment and its effects to the point that I contacted the company and ordered both the Veronica 1 and 2. Customs did not open the package because it was classified as foam pads. First let me say that I followed the measuring instructions to the letter. The product I got made me look like Tugboat Annie. These garments did not fit me at all! They would not even stay on my body without just falling down to my ankles. So I sent them back to have them altered. When they were returned, there was no improvement. The problems as I explained to Ms. Espy Lopez, the owner, was that the foam insert pads were not concaved to contour to anybody's hips and butt. They were certainly finely crafted but the only way to be sure to get the right fit would be to actually go to California and get a personal fitting. This company did the hip pads for the actors in the movie "To Wong Foo. Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar". I just wasn't lucky with these products but I got a full refund as Espy honors his work based on complete customer satisfaction. At Wildside we sell bum-padded girdles, hip and bum-padded girdles and hip pads which can also be adapted to give you a child-baring bottom. We do sell moustache wax for shaping eyebrows and this stuff comes off easily with baby oil or cold cream.

I hope I helped, Roxy.

Hi Roxy,

I'm the one who came in last Tuesday and bought the maid's dress, wig,gloves, sissy pants, top and 2 skirts. I am delighted with them! Thanks to both of you for making me feel more at ease. I was a bit nervous, but you have seen that thousands of times, no doubt. I have been dressing upfor forty years, always in private. My wife of 20 years knows, but isnot happy about it. I have decided not to come out to my three sons unless they ask about it. Been through the usual rounds of guilt and purging, always "backsliding". Other than my wife and a few psychiatrists and ministers, you are the only ones I have shared this with.

As I get older (50 next June), I am less concerned with living up to others' expectations. I have never been a party animal and have no illusions of passing, no desire to cruise etc. I do think the time has come to meet others like me socially. I thank you for providing that opportunity and look forward to my first experience dressing with others. Hope to be there for the February party. Is there much cigarette smoke in this environment? The reason I ask is that I will choose machine washable outfits if that is the case. You mention BYOB- is there a wine store/ LCBO nearby?

Looking forward to being Brenda Maybelline with you.

Dear Brenda,

You have just shared your thoughts with thousands of like-minded readers. Take A Walk On The Wildside is the place. We promise fun and discretion. You can go to any local alcohol outlet and even have it ordered in.

Looking forward to seeing you, Roxy

Dear Readers,

I have done two book reviews on Dr. Vernon Coleman's stuff and I have found him to be quite informative. He has taken a lot of flack from the British press for his stance on transvestism. To this point I have not been able to reach him for his more recent published works so that I could share with you his thoughts the way I see them. I will try again to get a handle on what he thinks. In the interim I will publish his press release and a segment of his thoughts. ((I just received his permission to print the stuff below!))

You aren't by any means the only man who likes dressing up in women's clothing. No one really knows exactly how many men dress as women - for obvious reasons a lot of men are very secretive about it - but some experts reckon that as many as one in two men do it at some time in their lives - and many millions do it regularly. So, if you don't know any other man who dresses in women's clothes you can take some comfort from the knowledge that you're certainly not alone.

There are many variations. Some men started dressing in female clothes when they were young boys. Others started much later. Some boys are deliberately put into girls clothes by their mothers. Some try wearing a sisters clothes, find they like it and carry on. Some dress in drag for a school or college stage production and find that they get pleasure from lacy, silky, feminine clothes. Some put on an item of feminine clothing - panties or knickers for example - during love making and find they like it. And some just do it; discovering more or less by accident that they get pleasure out of dressing as women.

Some men just wear female underwear. They may wear female panties, stockings, tights or slips under their ordinary, everyday clothes. And that is as far as it goes. They may do this regularly or occasionally. Some go further; dressing up completely as women - even to wigs, shoes and make up. Some are content to do this at home, alone, others go shopping, join clubs, go to parties or even go on special holidays with other men who like dressing as women. There are many men who dress up as women and then go shopping with their wives or girlfriends.
The name that is usually used to describe this activity is cross dressing. Some men who do it prefer to describe themselves as cross dressers. Others prefer the word `transvestite'. It doesn't much matter. (Although the word `transvestite' is sometimes used to describe someone who gets sexual pleasure out of crossdressing.)

The one thing most transvestites or cross dressers have in common is that they are heterosexual. The big myth about transvestism is that the men who do it must be gay. That is a nonsense. Homosexuality is less common among transvestites than it is among non-transvestites. When you stop to think about it that's pretty logical. After all homosexuals prefer men - not women.
Transvestites dress as women for many reasons.

Some do it simply because they like the touch and feel of female clothing. Male clothes are often harsh and rough and uncomfortable. In comparison silky, satiny clothes are often very appealing.
Some - and this is far less common than is often thought - get a sexual kick out of dressing as women. They find that they become turned on if they put on female clothes.

A large proportion of the men who dress as women do so because it helps them to escape from their normal lives. It is a way of dealing with stress and tension and pressure. It is for this reason that lots of high flyers, politicians, military men, business leaders and professionals enjoy crossdressing. And crossdressing is a great deal less damaging than drinking or smoking. Many men who cross dress to escape from stress claim that when they put on stockings, a dress and a bra they can feel cares and worries fading away. They feel calm and relaxed and so their bodies benefit enormously. Choosing underwear and putting on lipstick and nail varnish helps them to forget their day to day anxieties.

Crossdressing has had a bad press in recent years. But it shouldn't have. Women do it all the time and no one takes any notice. Lots of women wear jeans and men's shirts and in some areas it is actually quite unusual to see women wearing skirts and blouses. It is sexist and unfair to discriminate against male cross dressers. The benefits of cross dressing are so great - and so many transvestites get stress relief by doing it - that I'd really like to see more doctors encouraging their harassed male patients to try wearing women's clothing in an attempt to escape from their day to day worries. If there were more transvestites in our society there would probably be fewer men suffering from heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers and other stress related problems.

Thanx, Doc. I know that you will get lots of Email and sell lots of books because I recommend them, Roxy.