No One Cares About David Gregory's Spiritual Journey

Being our semi-regular weekly survey of the state of Our National Dialogue which, as you know, is what Prince would have come up with, had he composed "Derpy Mind."

Before we begin, I have a question for the congregation. How much am I supposed to care about David Gregory's spiritual journey? Enough to buy a book about it? (Doubtful) Enough to read an excerpt from said book? (Maybe) Enough to forget about, well, this?

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No fcking chance in hell.

It seems that the Dancin' Master has penned a tome about his sudden departure as caretaker of the Overlook Hotel, where my man Chuck Todd always has been the caretaker. Somehow, god and/or his son make cameo appearances. Of course, had god or his son been available on Sundays while the Dancin' Master was still working the desk at NBC, he would have been guaranteed to have Astaroth (or John McCain) on the show. For balance, doncha know?

It was all coming together: Here was the time for me to live out so many of the lessons I'd been learning on my spiritual journey. I'd been contemplating living a more spiritual, meaningful existence, and now was the time to walk the walk. In a way, that day up in New Hamp­shire clarified many of the discoveries I had been making about life and faith.

Being fired is tough. It's been happening over and over again to hundreds of actual journalists who have never performed dumbshow with Karl Rove. So, no, I don't think I'll be caring much at all about the existential faith-crisis of an unemployed television millionaire.

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Anyway, back at the Dancin' Master's old stand, my man Chuck Todd had another highly evolved spiritual human, David Brooks, on to discuss whether or not Joe Biden should run for president. Brooks managed to turn Biden's tender moment on Stephen Colbert's show into a truncheon which he applied to Hillary Rodham Clinton because…faith!

Hillary is, you know, planning to be spontaneous, but that was spontaneous.

Oh, do shut up.

Over on CBS, where John Dickerson is settling quite comfortably in the chair once occupied by former Hittite economics correspondent Bob Schieffer, the Libidinous Visitor showed up to brag about his poll numbers and to fib grotesquely about his ungallant remarks concerning Carly Fiorina's looks.

DICKERSON: Let me ask you a question about -- you have been politics for three weeks. Let's go back to your experience in the business world. I want to ask you about this comment that was quoted in "Rolling Stone" that you mentioned about Carly Fiorina, and think about it in a business context. So, the "Rolling Stone" quote is, you said: "Look at that face. Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine the face -- that the face of our next president? I mean, she's a woman, and I'm not supposed to say bad things, but, really, folks, come on. Are we serious?" Let me ask you as a business question, not a political correctness, politics question, how would you expect the human resources department to handle that if an executive at your company was heard saying that about a woman employee? What would you expect?TRUMP: Well, first of all, I was talking about her persona.

"Look at that face" is "talking about her persona"? Yeah, if you're Ingmar Bergman, maybe. Sweet Babby Jeebus, he truly doesn't care about the truth. He's got polling numbers!

But the House Cup goes to the gang at This Week With The Clinton Guy Shocked By Blowjobs," where old pal Martha Raddatz was sitting in the big chair and chatting with Dr. Ben Carson. She asked him about the immigration crisis in Europe and Doctor Ben got his talking-points on.

RADDATZ: Dr. Carson, let me ask you this, then, just quickly, if you will. How would you handle the refugee crisis right now?CARSON: I would recognize that bringing in people from the Middle East right now carries extra danger. And we have to be extra cautious. You know, we need to tighten it up and be very careful, because we cannot put our people at risk because we're trying to be politically correct.

If a patient asks Dr. Ben Carson about blurred vision and dizziness, does he diagnose "political correctness"? If the waitress asks him if he wants Italian or ranch dressing on his salad, does he reply that he'll take either one, because he's not politically correct? Paper or plastic?