Oh sure, it’s got soul. And it’s fantastic, and it’s the original. But saying it’s the best version is like saying that Gloria Jones’ original “Tainted Love” is the best. Gloria had the heart and the authenticity … but without the icy syncopated synth blips, scungy bass, strangled vocals and whiplike percussion it lacks the gloriously alienated sleaze of the Soft Cell version. It’s just not … tainted enough.

I see your point – and I agree with you in the case of ‘Tainted Love’.

But wrt ‘Don’t Leave Me This Way’, I believe the finishing order is:

1. Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes2. The Communards3. Thelma Houston

I’m sure there are soul folk appalled by my placing the Communards second, but like I said, it’s classic on its own terms.

But if I was stocking my own personal torture chamber, it would have to be Philip Glass. Einstein on the Beach, the repeat button locked with super glue and you’ve broken every law of God, Man and nature.

But if I was stocking my own personal torture chamber, it would have to be Philip Glass. Einstein on the Beach, the repeat button locked with super glue and you've broken every law of God, Man and nature.

I have the 4-CD set, and have listened to it precisely once, about twenty years ago. And I still can't get that "It could be Franky, it could be very fresh and clean ... we could get some wind for the sailboat" lyric out of my head.

"Equally great" works for me most of the time: A Good Heart AND Teenage Kicks . (Jackie - you should also check out Maria McKee's versions on Youtube - she was appalled at what Feargal did to the dreary country song she wrote at 19 when her boyfriend dumped her).

I'm surprised yodeling hasn't popped up yet, but to jump straight to the exceptions that prove the rule: Tall Dwarfs I've Left Memories Behind would be the local standout, but Jimmie Rodgers' Blue Yodel No. 9 is the one for me. Nothing to look at unfortunately but if visuals are more your thing, someone on Youtube has helpfully complemented Blue Yodel No. 13 with footage of hermaphrodite leopard slugs exchanging sperm. So if that's your thing, you know where to find it... (If it's not, there's always Louis Armstrong duetting with a yodeling Johnny Cash on No. 9 in there too).