Wills and Kate have popped over the road to the Royal Albert Hall to join in all the fun. This is standard red-carpet fare for him, but tonight she’s upped the ante from past years, looking positively fairytale ready (Cinder-eady?) in floor-length white, complete with an asymmetric garland and sequinned slippers.

Incidentally, I’d like to use this platform to officially lobby Bafta and the BBC to resurrect the hour-long pre-award red carpet show. Not because I enjoy red carpet shows, but because they’re always hilarious.

These awards always happen in London at the beginning of February, and the weather is always atrocious, and seeing the great and good of Hollywood miserably traipse around in tiny outfits is one of the few true pleasures I have in life. There are my children, and there’s Cate Blanchett being pelted with frozen drizzle, and that’s it.

Tomorrow morning, you will awaken to an avalanche of red carpet galleries, all squabbling about who did the red carpet best tonight.

STOP SQUABBLING NOW. The competition has already been won by Claire Foy, who defied the laws of physics to sign an autograph while posing for a selfie. This woman is remarkable. I only wish I was being sarcastic.

Bradley Cooper, who’s up for four awards for his directorial debut, A Star Is Born, is keeping things classic in a Celine suit. He’s already on to his next film as director, he told Edith Bowman on the red carpet, but kept schtum about the details.

Octavia Spencer loves sequin detailing. Last year it livened up her black gown. This year, she’s gone for a similar look but in red. It s a brave woman who opts to match the carpet, but she’s nailed it.

It’s tulle frills galore for The Favourite actor Rachel Weisz – cue Twitter adoration all round. She’s up against her co-star Emma Stone and being very sweet about it, dubbing the actor an “honorary Brit” on the red carpet.

And now here’s where things get tricky. At this point, the timeline cleaves in two. In the real world, the world in which you currently exist, the Bafta red carpet is over and the ceremony begins. In this timeline, a slow trickle of results will creep out online, to be debated and dissected. This will all happen on a separate part of the Guardian website.

However, you have chosen the liveblog timeline, which semi-officially denies any of the events of the real world and will only acknowledge them once the ceremony is broadcast on BBC One at 9pm.

“But why would I follow a liveblog of an event I already know everything about?” you ask. Simple. It’s because I’m doing the liveblogging, and you feel sorry for me. Also the speeches might be quite OK or something.

Now, 9pm is more than two hours away. How do I plan to fill such a yawning chasm? Funny story: I don’t know yet. I cannot rule out the possibility that it’ll just be two hours of Richard E Grant GIFs. But we’ll be OK. Stick with me, kids. It’ll be an adventure.

Bohemian Rhapsody’s Rami Malek has arrived and there is a white suit and black bow tie and shirt situation happening. We like. Don’t stop him now – he’s knocking it out of the park in the style stakes.