The Look

Have you ever been standing there, seemingly minding your own business, when all of a sudden, you feel like something is boring into the back of your head? Something much like a laser, or a giant looking-glass directing a tiny point of sunlight on you? You are just THERE, and suddenly, your hair is about to catch fire?

If you have felt this, you have likely fallen victim to….the ‘Mom Look’. This ‘Look’, is a famous look that is nowhere near extinction. It is something which has evolved along with our species, and has spread throughout every culture known to man. The Mom Look knows no race, no colour, and no creed. It is completely impervious to anything man (and I do mean MAN, in this case) has yet to create in his defense. Children have fallen victim to it for generations, and, unlike bloodlines, has yet to weaken with the passage of time.

I mentioned a laser in the first paragraph. For those of us not in the know, we imagine that the term ‘LASER’ is derived from ‘Light Amplification by Stimulated Radiation’, and you would be partly right. But we are also mostly wrong. We men like to think that this invention is ours, but alas, no. The LASER term was actually borne from the 13th century, by a lady named Suzanne Von Gammonica (the Third), once Duchess of the Netherlands.

At the time, Suzanne was known to have one mean Mom Look. Throughout the land, people were said to fear her gaze. Sheep and cows were said to vaporize instantly when she deployed her Look. Children were told the story at bedtime about the ‘little boy who got smoked because he didn’t listen to Momma and Papa’, based primarily on the Duchess. The light emitted from this Look could be seen over the horizon, which was fortunate, as it gave one the time to shield their eyes before the full force was brought to bear. And ‘laser’ back then thus stood for ‘Look At Suzanne Emit Radiation’.

But I digress. As I had been saying, you’re standing there, and you get the Mom Look. Whether you deserve it or not is immaterial. It’s been deployed. You feel a slight sweat break upon your brow. Your legs turn to rubber, your mouth, dry. You turn to look. And there it is. You are confronted by one of the most powerful forces known to mankind. It’s painful, but you try to imagine just what it was you have done. Oh, surely, it must have been something horrific to be caught in the grip of the Look. It turns out you forgot to take out the garbage. How could you?!?!?

My wife Anne is not only a practitioner of said Look, but has been able to take it to a whole new level. As a teacher, a mother, AND a redhead, Anne possesses what is possibly the most lethal Mom Look ever devised since the aforementioned Duchess. With but one Look, our dogs hide, my children cry, and I am reduced to a bumbling fool. At its peak, if harnessed, her Look could probably power Toronto for a couple of hours.

What gets me is that she’s proud of this. A generation of kids that she’s taught at school have gone on, some to become parents themselves, and have spread the word to others… and the myth has grown. All she really has to do now is arch her brow, and those that know her simply acquiesce to her will. It’s kind of like ‘Cyclops’ of the X-Men movies. If Anne takes her glasses off, POW, get out of the way!

And, as I sit here, writing this, and watching football, I feel a familiar sensation on the back of my head….ooops, gotta let you go and change the channel…. I’m getting the Look!