Lady of the manners

Nothing says badass like a Topshop-clad, knife-wielding, lawn-slicing mother of six

Dear Hettie I'm addicted to the UK high street - French Connection, Halfords, Pottery Cafe, Toy Station, you name it... I just can't get enough of your quaint little stores. They're so cute! But I'm worried that my obsession is going to destroy my reputation as a woman not to be messed with - everyone's going to think I'm nothing but a cosy little housewife. How can I claw back my badass mystique?Yours, Angelina Jolie*

You're right to be worried. With your brunette mane, tightly toned physique and penchant for mid-range fashion, you're going to be mistaken for one of the Middleton sisters at this rate - and then it really will be badass game over (whatever you do, don't go into Jigsaw, for god's sake). But just so long as you retain the element of surprise, I think you're safe - I mean, Halfords! What a curve ball. An absolute stroke of genius - nobody, but nobody, saw that one coming. That's badass right there. You keep mixing it up and your reputation will remain intact. Think of it like carbon offsetting - for every high street stop, you also visit an unexpected and esoteric retail emporium. So: M&S pants mean a trip to HSS for a turf cutter (or other unlikely power tool of your choice); a Topshop blouse equals a dash to the Japanese Knife Company for a Zenmai Elite Nakiri knife, and so on. Nothing says badass like a Topshop-clad, knife-weilding, lawn-slicing mother of six, after all. PS - if you'd like to turn this idea into your next movie, I'm happy to discuss selling the rights.