Directions: Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Select a large mixing bowl or measuring cup, etc. Check the rum again. It must be just right! To be sure the rum is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.

With an...

Christmas Rum Cake Recipe - Yum Yum]]>3Warning.... Alcohol is dangerous!!Mon, 02 Oct 2017 11:32:37 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/warning-alcohol-is-dangerous.58814978/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/warning-alcohol-is-dangerous.58814978/invalid@example.com (PMM)PMMAlcohol Warnings
He board of health has proposed that warning signs be placed on booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of pounding a pint or two.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.

Warning: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story...

Q.Whats the difference between online poker and live poker?
A. Online you can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.

I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
“Where the fuck have you been?” screamed my wife.
I said, “I’ve been playing poker with some blokes.”
“Playing poker with some blokes?” she repeated. “Well, you can pack...

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs . . . enough times that her husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

"Yes" she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God! I thought you were sitting on the cat."

He never heard the gunshot.]]>2A StudyWed, 26 Apr 2017 08:25:24 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/a-study.58815849/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/a-study.58815849/invalid@example.com (Gadget)GadgetView attachment 4967]]>1The Blind ManSat, 22 Apr 2017 03:17:24 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/the-blind-man.58815829/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/the-blind-man.58815829/invalid@example.com (Mben)Mben
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent. The last instruction from Mother Superior was that they must be careful not to get a drop of paint on their habits.

After debating about this for a while, the two decided to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the sisters. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and
turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'
'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order
'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his
pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he
says, 'A hamburger, chips...

Two Wishes ...]]>Can you give me a push?Mon, 17 Oct 2016 14:27:13 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/can-you-give-me-a-push.58814689/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/can-you-give-me-a-push.58814689/invalid@example.com (Sookie)Sookie
The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it's half past 3 in the morning.” I’m not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there's a man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's...

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons' innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry. That was an insect."
To which one of the boys replies "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."]]>5Divorce vs. Murder...Sun, 16 Oct 2016 15:43:09 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/divorce-vs-murder.58814485/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/divorce-vs-murder.58814485/invalid@example.com (Sookie)Sookie
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All...

Divorce vs. Murder...]]>2Grandma's FarmMon, 10 Oct 2016 21:21:17 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/grandmas-farm.58814661/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/grandmas-farm.58814661/invalid@example.com (Sookie)Sookie
The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"
With her last breath, Grandma whispered, "Facebook]]>1A TIFF WITH RILEYFri, 15 Jul 2016 16:22:17 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/a-tiff-with-riley.58814184/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/a-tiff-with-riley.58814184/invalid@example.com (Sookie)Sookie''My God! What happened to you?'' the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
''I got in a tiff with Riley.''
''Riley? He's just a wee fellow,'' the barkeep said, surprised. ''He must have had something in his hand.''
''That he did,'' Kelly said. ''A shovel it was.''
''Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?''
''Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left boob.'' Kelly said. ''And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a...​A TIFF WITH RILEY]]>A FATHER'S LAST REQUESTFri, 15 Jul 2016 10:29:52 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/a-fathers-last-request.58814080/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/a-fathers-last-request.58814080/invalid@example.com (Sookie)SookieA FATHER'S LAST REQUEST

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.
The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."
With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask...​A FATHER'S LAST REQUEST]]>4MR DUCKSThu, 23 Jun 2016 16:57:38 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/mr-ducks.58813041/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/mr-ducks.58813041/invalid@example.com (Mikey7a)Mikey7a
If you can read this message, you just might be a Redneck!

A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. This peaks his curiousity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog.

Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing.

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

I'm probably going to hell for this joke but ...]]>4A blond jokeSat, 19 Dec 2015 15:49:26 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/a-blond-joke.58812979/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/a-blond-joke.58812979/invalid@example.com (Sookie)Sookie
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race andit won.The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.The local paper read:PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
...

The Pastor's Ass]]>1Old People JokesMon, 15 Jun 2015 06:43:47 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/old-people-jokes.58811764/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/old-people-jokes.58811764/invalid@example.com (cambaby2)cambaby2
Barb was lying in bed one night. Al was falling asleep but Barb wasin a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said:
"You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me...”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Panties On A Plane]]>2The Dentist and the GirlWed, 10 Jun 2015 15:48:56 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/the-dentist-and-the-girl.58811765/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/the-dentist-and-the-girl.58811765/invalid@example.com (cambaby2)cambaby2
hands.He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says:
"You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says:
"Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing leads to another and they make love.After it's over the girl
says:...

The Dentist and the Girl]]>2MARIJUANA AND MARRIAGE/Nymphomaniac ConventionWed, 10 Jun 2015 15:10:44 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/marijuana-and-marriage-nymphomaniac-convention.58811763/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/marijuana-and-marriage-nymphomaniac-convention.58811763/invalid@example.com (cambaby2)cambaby2Washington State recently passed two laws. They legalized both gay marriage and marijuana. The fact that gay marriage and marijuana
were legalized on the same day makes perfect Biblical sense.
Leviticus 20:13says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."
Apparently we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!

******************************************

Nymphomaniac ConventionA man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he...

MARIJUANA AND MARRIAGE/Nymphomaniac Convention]]>2"POOF"Tue, 09 Jun 2015 21:08:07 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/poof.58811757/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/poof.58811757/invalid@example.com (PMM)PMM]]>2The Lizards - Bert and ErnieFri, 13 Mar 2015 03:26:52 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/the-lizards-bert-and-ernie.58810984/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/the-lizards-bert-and-ernie.58810984/invalid@example.com (Sookie)SookieView attachment 606View attachment 608View attachment 607
​]]>2PARKING TICKET...Thu, 26 Feb 2015 22:47:05 +0000https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/parking-ticket.58810830/
https://www.nodepositforum.com/forum/threads/parking-ticket.58810830/invalid@example.com (Sookie)Sookie
When I came out there was a cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!

So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
He finished the second...

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.4. If my arms are full...