To drag this old thread up, I disagree with the fact that somehow the strength of the funtion (which then often still gets tested through cognitive testing which are not exactly reliable) has something to do with the order of the function.

I mean, if you look at my results, my Ni and Fe are second to my Ne and Fi. That however doesn't mean that I indulge in Fe to find relief, far from it.

I'd say that every function has its part to play in your personality, and within that role it can be stronger or harder to use, depending on what circumstances you encountered in your past.

I've found the function order to be illuminating when it comes to deciding on my type, becoz I was confused before as to which was stronger. Due to the fact that so many of my functions test equally strong, I was conflicted. Asking myself however which function bails me out of a jam successfully *every time* was easy. And showed me to be Ne-dom. Just as asking myself how I reach out to people and love them was easy, revealing Fi as my parent. It also explains my reasonably limited but still good control over Fe while having such issues with it, as well as why Ti-users just make me feel stupid. And why I do not have the same issue with Ni as I do with Fe. Lastly, it revealed to me that although I thoroughly enjoy Se, I really oughtto watch it, as I have absolutely NO control over it.

As for the OP....Your shadows walk with you every day, beside you and around. All the things you despise in that other person? That is you, not them. Those are things you hide within yourself and refuse to acknowledge as being you.

Think of yourself as a complex equation but rather than being part "real" and part "imaginary", each function is part ego and part shadow. Those bad behaviors you exhibit under stress or in pain-utterly tainted with shadows...except they feel like you or they look like flaws in the other person...it is all their fault, not yours....or you are horribly flawed or some such nonsense.

Originally Posted by Satine

I mean, if you look at my results, my Ni and Fe are second to my Ne and Fi. That however doesn't mean that I indulge in Fe to find relief, far from it.

Satine-wrt to Fe- are you really "using Fe" or are you building a list of behaviors that look like Fe on the surface? I recall you grew up with a family of Fe users, thus learned a lot of Fe stuff early.

My little toddler INTJ learns "Fe-isms". He learns social rules, social mannerisms as Te facts. He builds a little library and then just uses that to interact. I see many INTJs do this, including a few here.

I have been trying this approach and it is very difficult...it drains me as I am trying to use Te to execute behaviors that are contrary to Fi-thus it results in FAIL.

However over the past six months I have sorta figured out how to dip into a mindest that "Gets it"-Fe. I cant explain why, and I have to walk away from "me", but once in this mode, it is very relaxing and very energy conserving-but I have to choose very consciously to walk into that mindset. I care deeply for the other person-but I dont have to feel their pain. In this mode, my innate choice of words-the innate way I phrase things is also altered.