Lounge: Help make my wedding not suck

So last weekend I went to Vegas with my girlfriend and one of her friends (I'll refrain from any additional information, since it belongs in the VR )and ended up getting engaged. My original plan was to simply get married while there, but that fell through when we found out that she needed the date her divorce was finalized (which she didn't have at the time). So now we're in the planning stages of an actual wedding attended by more than Elvis and a mutual friend.

Looking back to pretty much every wedding I've ever been to, I can recall one major trend: they were all boring as hell. My fiancee agrees, and we want to try making this one a bit more memorable. However, with exactly zero experience in planning weddings, I really don't know where to start. So far I've only been able to come up with a couple of interesting ideas:

-Possible steampunk wedding-Using either the AZ Science Center or the Lowell Observatory as a ceremony location-Possibly getting dueling pianos rather than a DJ-Finding giant crossword puzzles to use as tablecloths-Doing something like this to our wedding invitation

Needless to say, this will hopefully shape up to be one of the more interesting weddings I've ever attended.

So, Lounge, if you got to plan a nerd wedding (fiancee has a neuroscience degree), what would you like to see?

BONUS QUESTION: How hard should I try to get the little bride and groom thingie at the top of the cake replaced with a Space Marine and Dark Eldar Wych/Chaos Space Marine/whatever else locked in close combat?

BONUS QUESTION: How hard should I try to get the little bride and groom thingie at the top of the cake replaced with a Space Marine and Dark Eldar Wych/Chaos Space Marine/whatever else locked in close combat?

Well, you could send a design to someone with a 3D printer, though you may have issues with copyright infringement.

Already suggested and violently shot down, as was the Star Trek wedding in Vegas.

Mortus wrote:

Quote:

BONUS QUESTION: How hard should I try to get the little bride and groom thingie at the top of the cake replaced with a Space Marine and Dark Eldar Wych/Chaos Space Marine/whatever else locked in close combat?

Well, you could send a design to someone with a 3D printer, though you may have issues with copyright infringement.

Have something for people to do who aren't into dancing (we had a photobooth and let people draw on the tablecloths).

Don't make people wait too long between the ceremony and the reception.

If you take your guest's needs into accounts and you have fun yourself, people will just sortof naturally have a good time.

Bingo, what Hopers said. Think about what YOU enjoyed (and didn't enjoy) at weddings you've been to in the past, and see what the common threads are. Your guests will largely be coming to celebrate the occasion of your marriage, not to dress up in weird getup or be confused by strange goings-on, so adding personal touches is good but a heavy theme is not. Just think about some of your family members - sure, Aunt Beth loves you and wishes you well and will happily come to your wedding, but she won't want to dress up as a pirate and she'll be confused and unhappy if the entire wedding is done up too crazily.

For example, putting a steampunk gear theme on the cake and invitations is a great touch. Requesting all your guests to attend in steampunk gear is not. Having the dueling pianos for part of the reception is a great idea too - but having them as the only entertainment is going to be too much (no dancing, hard to talk, etc.). Weddings are about connecting with others and celebrating the bride and groom, so make it easy for people to eat/drink and talk and all else will fall into place.

Yes, you've made a mess of things. You proposed, probably in some drunken stupor, and she actually said yes! Now you feel the vise closing ever tighter 'round your dangly bits, and you need a way out. But how? Via the BPP!

We're the BPP, and we've seen it all before. No matter what your situtation -- in utero fertilization; shotgun-wielding relative; or simply massive guilt complex -- we will extract you from it and save your bachelorhood. Our multi-tiered price options will let you leave her in either a nice and gentle way, or a way that makes headlines in Tibet. You can simply return to your mancave, or if need be take cover for months in our network of hidden safehouses. Whatever is best for you and what she's left of your wallet!

We also work for and with the gay community, especially in those states where you never thought the law would change that fast!

So save your ass before she finally owns it! Call the BPP today!

(seriously, congrats on your impending nuptials. if that's what you want, of course.)

Yes, you've made a mess of things. You proposed, probably in some drunken stupor, and she actually said yes! Now you feel the vise closing ever tighter 'round your dangly bits, and you need a way out. But how? Via the BPP!

We're the BPP, and we've seen it all before. No matter what your situtation -- in utero fertilization; shotgun-wielding relative; or simply massive guilt complex -- we will extract you from it and save your bachelorhood. Our multi-tiered price options will let you leave her in either a nice and gentle way, or a way that makes headlines in Tibet. You can simply return to your mancave, or if need be take cover for months in our network of hidden safehouses. Whatever is best for you and what she's left of your wallet!

We also work for and with the gay community, especially in those states where you never thought the law would change that fast!

So save your ass before she finally owns it! Call the BPP today!

(seriously, congrats on your impending nuptials. if that's what you want, of course.)

There really wasn't much of a proposal; I decided to be a complete smart-ass about the whole thing.

We were waiting in line for the roller coaster at New your New York. She ran off to get a locker to put her purse in after finding out she couldn't take it with her. After about a 10 minute wait, she comes back talking about how difficult the lock was.

Me: "Really? you got your ass kicked by a locker? Christ woman, you're going to share my name here in the immediate future. Am I going to have to replace the doorknobs with Fischer Price locks now?"

GF: *blankly staring for a minute*

Friend: *bouncing up and down excitedly, since she understood what I meant*

Sounds like you're already on the right track by not taking it too seriously. Weddings suck when the "guests" are really just an audience, not guests. Most of the time those end up being generic forgettable events anyways.

Don't play the music so loud that the people who aren't dancing can't converse.

BONUS QUESTION: How hard should I try to get the little bride and groom thingie at the top of the cake replaced with a Space Marine and Dark Eldar Wych/Chaos Space Marine/whatever else locked in close combat?

Well, you could send a design to someone with a 3D printer, though you may have issues with copyright infringement.

Erm, Warhammer already has a massive figurine line. Just go to a tabletop game shop and pick out the baddassery of preference. For extra bonus points, you two could make a date of painting each other's figurines (e.g. paint one like it's in a tux, and the other in a dress or something). FYI, if you can drag your ass out to Gen Con in August, I'm sure you could pick up all kinds of sweet swag in that category.

1. Open bar2. Get a great DJ3. Make sure that the DJ is hired through 2am, at least. It always sucks when everyone loses momentum at 11:30 and the party ends. Also, make sure there are snacks and other food besides the dinner itself.

Don't make people wait too long between the ceremony and the reception.

I'd add: Don't make people drive too far between the ceremony and the reception. If you're not having a church wedding, it is probably moot. But, damn, the one wedding I attended where the reception was 20 miles from the church (and was, likewise, 5+ miles from the group-rate hotel) was asinine. Way too much time in the car.

The best weddings I've been to have kept the service short *and* the usual wedding shenanigans short (toasts, tossing bouquets, that sort of thing). And they were biased towards mingling (lots of places to sit, but no sit-down, catered meal. Lots and lots of snacky, finger food instead).

Sounds like you're already on the right track by not taking it too seriously. Weddings suck when the "guests" are really just an audience, not guests. Most of the time those end up being generic forgettable events anyways.

(emphasis mine)You said that better than I did with less words. Well done.

1) Invite everyone. Parents, In-laws, out-laws, friends and family.2) Get a decent place for the engagement.3) Good catering.4) Decent marriage arrange---priest, justice of the peace.5) The night before the wedding, you and the future S/O elope to Vegas, get married and go on a 3 day bender.

Damn near guaranteed the guests will talk about it for years, and you and the S/O will have one hell of a laugh.

1) Invite everyone. Parents, In-laws, out-laws, friends and family.2) Get a decent place for the engagement.3) Good catering.4) Decent marriage arrange---priest, justice of the peace.5) The night before the wedding, you and the future S/O elope to Vegas, get married and go on a 3 day bender.

Damn near guaranteed the guests will talk about it for years, and you and the S/O will have one hell of a laugh.

If it wasn't for the fact that her parents can only be in the US for less than 30 days a year (he works as a gov't contractor in Italy), I'd totally do that. If I tried it, however, I'd be eviscerated in the blink of an eye, and I like having all my intestines still housed inside me.

Sounds like you're already on the right track by not taking it too seriously. Weddings suck when the "guests" are really just an audience, not guests. Most of the time those end up being generic forgettable events anyways.

(emphasis mine)You said that better than I did with less words. Well done.

Thanks. I always feel kind of bad at those sort of weddings because they tend to be really expensive too.

I mean, what are people going to enjoy and remember more? A wedding with the sit down choice of crappy chicken or fish or a wedding where a couple good food trucks were hired for a few hours to crank out tacos etc?

My Wife and I still get compliments on our wedding being fun. The first step is have 2 crazy families and sets of friends, the second step is not taking it too seriously, the third step is mixing in booze and a competent DJ.

We kinda were lucky with a few things. Our church does things quickly (Priest is old, should retire but won't because he knows they'll close the parish if he does, but he's impatient and wants to get things over and done). So the church side of things took care of itself. We've been to other weddings where the priests try to make it a big, Made for TV! event, and that sucks. Ask for the short form. No one wants to sweat their asses off in tuxes and dresses unless it's on the dance floor.

We did have a gap between the wedding and the reception, which couldn't be avoided. We made due by renting a party bus for the wedding party and SOs. We went to spots for pics and partied. The wedding party was good and loose for the reception, and that helped get everyone else in the party spirit (not that it takes much with either of our families).

If you want everyone to get off their butts and shake it on the dance floor, then have a big dance floor. We've been to many weddings where they have the DJ blaring at conversation killing decibels, but the dance floor is a crammed little sliver of space. Surprise! No one was dancing much. Worried about having a big dance floor and no one on it? That's where a well lubricated wedding party comes in. See the previous paragraph.

That point above about treating your guests as guests and not an audience? Fantastic advice. Go out and make a point of visiting every table and talking to everyone. Those that you know hardly know anyone (co-workers, old college buddies, whatever) make sure to introduce them around to the table their at, and maybe other tables of people with similar backgrounds. The crazy uncles from both sides of the families? Introduce them! Be positive and enthusiastic. Let it rub off on everyone else. This should be easy as it's your wedding day. You are happy you're marring her/him, right?

Have something for people to do who aren't into dancing (we had a photobooth and let people draw on the tablecloths).

As someone who both cannot dance and hates dancing, this times a billion. I haven't been to a wedding yet that had non-dancing options. I end up either just leaving earlier than I would have otherwise, or sitting awkwardly to the side while the people who like to dance do their thing.

Keep the ceremony short, have the ceremony and reception held at the same location (or as close as humanly possible), and put your energy into planning the most badass party you possibly can. If your guests like dancing, make sure your DJ is awesome.

Doesn't matter that you're the groom, head over to Offbeat Bride and check out the crazy-ass fun stuff they show. Pictures, ideas, weddings, items, invites, etc. they hit it all. Even though I'm married now, I head over there quite often just to see what new wacky stuff somebody has done.

The biggest thing I'll stress is don't give in to what other people want. This is your day, so you guys plan it and fuck everybody else.

We had a seriously informal wedding. The event was held at my parent's farm (outdoors on a glorious day) and featured zombie vows (also taken from Offbeat Bride, I believe) featuring cue cards for audience participation. We got officially married by a JP the day before with just family and the wedding party, so had my wife's cousin 'officiate' our wedding with all the guests. We did wedding party pictures before the wedding so there wouldn't be a huge time gap between ceremony and reception. We did some family pictures after the wedding but they were quick (we had where/who was needed all planned out).

We did an iPod DJ, rented some speakers, lighting and sound stuff from Long & McQuade and that was our music part of the reception. Like Hopers we had table paper instead of tablecloths with a couple cups of crayons at each table. There are some hilarious pictures on them, many gaming related, many just well-wishes for the bride and groom - I'll see if I can dig up some pictures tonight.

For favours, we did homemade origami boxes containing a Lindor chocolate and custom dice from Chessex (idea also taken from Offbeat Bride) (the one pip has 'Achievement Unlocked' above and 'Got Married - 100G' below, and on the six side, our names and the date around a modified achievement pop-up logo (heart replacing the trophy). Price for 150 of them was amazing, at $1.20 each, I believe. $0.60 per side, IIRC.

Last thing I can't stress enough is DON'T BREAK THE BANK. Why would you want to host something only to be paying it off for the next x amount of years? We did a lot of handmade stuff (folding 1000+ paper cranes? Kinda boring, but well worth it for a photo booth backdrop. I also made custom boutonnieres for the guys specific to their interests) and kept things cheap but fun. We didn't have any extraneous expenses and with the wedding gifts we received, we more than covered the wedding plus had a lot extra to put in the bank for an eventual deposit on a house.

Best weddings I've been too have been fairly short (a 3-hour Catholic wedding in a small church with no A/C in the summer is the height of idiocy) with some thought given to the guests. Yes, it's your wedding and your special day. But you're inviting people to celebrate it with you. Don't skimp on your guests' comfort or enjoyment.

At one friend's wedding, they put disposable cameras on all the tables and asked people to take photos (but leave the cameras). They had the pictures developed and put up on Flickr, then sent out a link to everyone. That was fun.

My friends deliberately chose a wedding date near Halloween so they could run with that as a theme, with lots of pumpkins and ghoulish decorations. Guests were invited to come in costume (about 1/2 did), and as the groom is a massive gaming fan, there was lots of that as an alternative to dancing.

My friends deliberately chose a wedding date near Halloween so they could run with that as a theme, with lots of pumpkins and ghoulish decorations. Guests were invited to come in costume (about 1/2 did), and as the groom is a massive gaming fan, there was lots of that as an alternative to dancing.

Providing an alternative is awesome. Most receptions I've been to follow the same formula: wait around for an hour for dinner, dinner, 5 hour dance party with a break for cake. It's kind of a "fuck you" to everyone who doesn't dance and/or want to listen to Mambo #5 yet again.

Here's some wedding advice that my wife and I found immensely helpful:

1. Don't leave each others side EVER (unless you're using the bathroom). You only get to experience your wedding once, so make sure you experience it with the person you love the most. It makes for some great shared memories.

2. Make the wedding one _you_ would want to attend. You've just invited all of your closest friends and family, they will have more fun if they can see you two in every facet of the night. This doesn't mean monogramming everything (unless you and your bride are _really_ into monograms).

3. Because of #2, you should be fully engaged in the main event at your wedding. If it's dancing, you two should be on the dance floor at all times. It's your party, you set the mood.

4. Every time you plan a detail ask yourself: does it make the party more fun? If the answer is no, cut it back or cut it out. If you're consistent about asking yourself this, you will end up spending money only where it counts, and only planning things that contribute to making it the best party you've ever been to.

BTW, if you do have music and dancing, I suggest getting a professional band that does not take breaks. We got a large wedding band that rotated out members, but never stopped playing. People danced until the hotel had to close us down for the night. No matter the source of the music, if you don't pick music the majority of people will actually dance to, no one will dance. Wedding guests are finicky, and will use any reason to stop dancing.