Travels with a baby

>> Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Hey people,

This is going to be an angry post, not very much in accordance with the positivity that the "Primavera Movement" upholds... BUT, don't worry as always I will provide a solution to the situation! Because getting angry is OK as long as you provide a way to resolve. And as Phileas Fogg always said: "EVERY problem has a solution." For those of you who are not familiar with the book Around the World in 80 Days, you can consider yourself an underprivileged bambino!(But I would rather suggest the cartoon version... and in the original French, is the funnest.)

So I was on a train today and EVERYONE was SOOOOO UGLY!!!!! Literally we had a pretty representative group, to include all the different nationalities we have collected here in NYC, and every single person was just horrendous looking!! It was as if there was an invisible velvet rope entrance but the bouncers were ONLY letting the uglies get on. (Presently speaking person - me that is- excluded ofcourse.)

I'm so glad that my current living situation permits me to forgo this whole subway experience! If I had to submit myself to this misery everyday, I would probably be singing a completely different tune. Instead of Sempre Primavera, it would probably be more like Sempre in the depth of the Toilet Bowl Era-- Please flush, and make it stop!! ------ BUT------ deep breath ---------- Thankfully I do not take trains-------

I personally think I'm unbelievably gorgeous, not to suggest that I think I'm better than everyone. NO, absolutely not what I'm trying to say. I'm simply saying that I'm happy with the way I look and my choice of clothes and when people look at me they say, "Ahhh, what a nice girl. She is cute, dresses nice, and her bag is hot!". And if they don't think anything positive well: "SCREW THEM, UGLY BASTARDS!!!!!!!" heheheheh just kidding.

Anyway, I'm not saying I'm the most gorgeous in the world (even though its true), and I definitely do not expect everyone to be drop dead gorgeous (even thought that would be nice), all I'm saying is that one should do at least the minimum preparation before stepping out in public. ESPECIALLY IF THEY TAKE A TRAIN WHERE THEIR UGLINESS WILL FIND CAPTIVE AUDIENCE!!!!! Ok here is a list to print out and glue on top of your foreheads:

1. take a shower2 TAKE A SHOOOOOWEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!3. brush your hair, if you find yourself getting a bold spot, do NOT comb over just SHAVE the head.4. Do not use perfume, unless you know what you're doing. (If in doubt - YOU DON'T know what you're doing.)5. Shine your shoes.6. Do not wear an outfit that is all black especially since all the articles have faded differently.7. Do not look at me!8. Do not talk to yourself. Do not talk loudly. Do not talk to your friends in a language that I do not understand. Do not talk to them in English either if you have an accent. ***(XPT IF YOU ARE BRAZILIAN, YOU CAN TALK ANY WHICH WAY YOU LIKE!)***9. Do not get on the train if you're depressed. NO ONE CARES, NO ONE IS INTERESTED!!!!! Your sour face is not going to change anything in your life so don't be ruining my view of the concrete black wall outside the window!!!!!10. Oh, and do not bring children! And NO, your kid is NOT cute!!! How can he be with a parent like you???

This is terrible, yes, but fear not Passepartout! WE'VE GOT A SOLUTION!

Going back to the idea of the velvet rope upon train entrance. We are going to have two types of trains: TypeA and TypeB.

TypeA: will be for pretty people. For morning commute time hot guy and girl models will walk around serving capuccinos. For afterwork rush time the train will be converted into happy hour carts and everyone will be served martinis and will mingle and admire eachother.

TypeB: will be a train system for all UGLY people. Trains will be equipped with monkey bars so that passengers will be able to comfortably search each others' hair and a$$ for live flees.

Mr. Blmbrg sir we need to get a move on this ASAP! Keeping ugly people from view will bring an immediate increase in economy of at least 27%, following by a yearly increase of 15% in the next few years! This will be accomplished because being surrounded by only good looking people will boost morale, increase productivity and improve overall standard of living in this soon to be great city.

Looking into the future we need to start building an underground city to be occupied by the ugly people, this will boost the economy further by increasing jobs and decreasing the high real estate costs!! ACT NOW Mr. Blmbrg, the future starts today!

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o-range-ry

noun, A sheltered place, especially a greenhouse, used for the cultivation of orange trees and exotic plants in cool climates.

Once found in especially stately homes, for cultivating citrus trees and other ornamental trees in a cool climate where they would not otherwise grow; usually had large, tall windows along its southern exposure; now often used for social and exhibition purposes.