If you have issues with anger or are dealing with someone who does, this is the place to come to for understanding and tips.
If you argue or fight, now you can learn how to resolve your differences peacefully and permanently.
Dealing with a difficult person? I can show you how to calm them down and gain their cooperation.
It's all quite simple, really.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

NEVER BE A VICTIM AGAIN!

At some time in life, most people feel as though they've
been treated unfairly to the extent that they would consider themselves a
victim. Certainly those who have been the target of a violent crime fall into
that category according to society's standards. Even those of lesser offenses
can view themselves as the target of injustice: a faithful spouse who's partner
has an affair or files for divorce; a child being tormented by a bully at
school; one who has a rumor spread about them, particularly those that cause
significant damage or distress.

By definition, a victim is one who is acted on and
(generally speaking) is adversely affected by a force or agent such as robbery,
physical assault, or murder. A person who is cheated, tricked or fooled by
another (which may or may not cause them harm, such as the target of an innocent
prank) or one who is coned out of their life savings for instance, can also be
seen as a victim. There are also victims of unforeseen circumstances such as
disease or natural disaster (hurricane, flood), or that which is out of their
control (bad economy, company downsizing). Typically we perceive said person as
being innocent of any wrongdoing that contributed to their unfortunate
circumstance. One who engages in gang activity and suffers severe physical harm
to their person is not seen as blameless but rather contributory to their
injuries.Someone who is unproductive on
the job and overlooked for a promotion given to the boss's son is not a victim
of nepotism for their prior actions (or lack thereof) are justification for
their being ignored. However, one who has lived a wholesome lifestyle and
diagnosed with a devastating disease receives much sympathy.

Yet even those who diverge from the universal criteria for
victimization, there are still a significant number who believe they fall into
this category. The reasons are several: a victim is one who feels powerless in a given situation.
Statements such as "I can't help it", "It's not my fault",
"I did nothing to deserve this", "Why me?" are common
complaints. They view themselves as completely innocent of any wrongdoing and shoulder no responsibility for what
is or has transpired but are quick to hold others accountable (blame).They also perceive themselves as
having no choice but to comply with
or endure what is has happened and fail
to see options that could have possibly prevented or could now resolve that
which is unjust.Very often, those who
feel they have been the deliberate target of an wrongdoing feel persecuted and are consumed with self-pity, resentment, bitterness, and rage.

In truth, the label of "victim" is a matter of
perception alone. The Dalai Lama says that "There are no victims in life,
only students." This compelling statement illustrates the power of
perception. In any of life's circumstances, how I view myself is critical to
how I react to and/or use the event in my life. Going through my divorce, the
estrangement from my children, my dad's Alzheimer's, a domestic violence
relationship - in each I could see myself as a victim since I was powerless to
control, prevent, or correct many of these situations. Or I could choose to
learn from each in order that I may grow, become a better person, and share my
knowledge with others so that they may benefit as well. That choice is entirely
up to me. The first leaves me angry and bitter; the latter grateful and
determined.

One of the easiest and quickest means of eliminating a
victim mentality is actually quite simple. When something unexpected enters our
life, we may react by asking: "Why is this happening to me?" We are stunned that something of such an unpleasant
nature could actually appear in our
life. This question implies that we are being targeted by someone or some
unseen force. In truth, there may be those who seek to deliberately hurt me or
this could simply be a random act. In any event, I am not immune to so-called bad things happening. However, one
simple shift in terminology releases me from the chains of victimhood to one of
liberation and strength. By changing the phrase to me to for me I can
experience the event as merely a challenge to accept or as a genuine blessing
in my life to appreciate rather than a curse or trauma. In truth, there are no
bad experiences; there simply are events that enter our lives. How we label and
view them and how we choose to use them determines their value, nothing else.
One can view a stroke as a nightmare or they can see it as an opportunity to
reinvent their life.

The reality of what
has transpired is irrelevant; all that matters is one's assessment and use of
it.

Victims believe they have no power and powerlessness is the very definition of anger. Therefore, victims
are filled with anger and fear (a root cause of anger) and may experience rage
or paralyzing anxiety. They fail to recognize that all humans possess authentic
power which is found in the ability to make personal choices - how we view
things, what we think and feel, what we say or don't say, how we respond or
not, and how we allow life to impact us. That is the only real control any of
us have - our ability to make our own decisions.

In truth, none of us has dominance over anything eternal,
anything outside of the self. I can only influence my surroundings but I cannot
control them. Sometimes things work out as I anticipated, other times not even
remotely close. I can choose to put forth effort to correct that which I am
unsatisfied with or I can elect to accept and be at peace with it. My choice.

So how does one move beyond the mindset of being a victim to
establishing authority over their own lives, success, and happiness?

1. Remember that everything that enters your life has
purpose and value. The labels you assign determine their worth: good or bad are
relevant terms on in the sense that they are dictated by your personal
standards. Re evaluate their assessment, removing any derogatory notions and
seek the meaning and importance of each. Once its significance is determined,
one can find a way to use the experience for a greater good.

Life isn't about truth
and reality; life is about perception.The
reality of what has transpired is irrelevant; all that matters is one's
assessment and use of it.

2. Check your perception for accuracy. Many times our
expectations of life are unrealistic, such as "my life should be what I
want it to be".Unmet expectations
lead to frustration(another root cause of anger), a sense of powerlessness,
anger, and bitterness. Be honest and real with yourself about the
unpredictability that life affords all of its participants.

3. Try to view each situation from every perspective. By
gaining a greater understanding of the cause and nature of the event, we are
better able to make sense of it. This can lead to a willingness to accept that
which we cannot change.

4. Ask yourself, "What is this experience here to teach
me?" Courage, determination, trust, self-confidence, forgiveness: life's
most profound lessons are most often found in our most difficult happenings. This,
too, adds greater value to what has transpired.

5. Take control. Are there any changes that can be made to
improve things for you and others who have been affected? Ifso, create a plan and begin putting forth
effort. If not, acceptance of those things that we cannot change enables us to
move beyond the occurrence with a peaceful determination to get on with our
lives.

6. Forgive those who contributed to what happened. People
can be mean-spirited, thoughtless, careless, selfish, and more. Their actions
are a reflection of their issues, they are not about you. Forgiving
acknowledges mankind's imperfections and releases all judgments. It chooses to
put to rest any anger, hatred, jealousy, thoughts of retaliation and so on.
Again, learn the lesson, let go of the emotion attached to it, and move forward
as a stronger better version of yourself.

7. Accept responsibility for your role, if applicable. Vow
to learn and not repeat the same behavior in the future. Forgive yourself as
well.

Buddha says, "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional."
All of us will experience some type of pain in our lives - physical, emotional,
financial, etc. However, when we prolong the pain and keep it actively alive in
our minds, it converts to suffering that can last a lifetime and destroy our
lives.

Remember, victimization is an illusion, not a reality; it is
a choice, not a given.

It is rooted in our
perception of ourselves in the context of an event accompanied by feelings of self-pity and persecution.

Reclaim your authentic power utilizing your ability to
choose. In the words of Pastor Joel Osteen,"You are a victor, not a victim" God created you to rise above
and be victorious in every the challenge. You were not created to suffer and
fail. Those are personal choices that you need to re evaluate.

Stand tall. Face life as it appears. Redefine each event and
use them in such a way thatbenefits you
and those around you. And in doing so,
you will never fall prey to the illusion of being a victim ever again.

Q: No one journeys through life unscathed. Each of us faces
hardships and challenges along the way. It matters not what enters our life but
more importantly what we do with it: how we use it to better ourselves and
those around us.

OrderThe
Secret Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @ http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

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About Me

Janet Pfeiffer, international motivational speaker and award-winning author has appeared on CNN, Lifetime, ABC News, The 700 Club, NBC News, Fox News, The Harvest Show, Celebration, TruTV and much more. She is a contributor to Ebru Today TV and hosts her own radio show, Anger 911, on www.w4cy.com.
Her latest book is the highly acclaimed The Secret Side of Anger and is endorsed by NY Times bestselling author, Dr. Bernie Siegel.
A consultant to corporations including AT&T, U.S. Army, U.S. Postal Service and Hoffman-LaRoche, Janet is NJ State certified in domestic violence, an instructor at a battered women’s shelter and founder of The Antidote to Anger Group. She specializes in anger management, conflict resolution and bullying. Janet is a member of EAPA, MVP and Vision in Motion Speaker’s Bureaus and Network Plus.
Janet@PfeifferPowerSeminars.com
www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com.