Since The Sorcerer’s Apprentice Comes Out Today, Here’s the Great Work of Art to Feature Nicolas Cage in 2010

So The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is coming out today, and while I wouldn’t say it looks bad, it also doesn’t particularly good, and it definitely doesn’t look like Knowing:

See what I mean? Kind of meh, but maybe that’s just me, and I digress.

The reviews have been coming in over the past few days, and they aren’t too favorable. Right now, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is sitting at a rather unfortunate 35% over at Rotten Tomatoes, and the consensus with RT’s list of Top Critics is like taking a Chinatown bus from Badtown to Worseville:

Obviously this isn’t the impressively bleak 15% Knowing received last spring, which is sad because I probably won’t enjoy The Sorcerer’s Apprentice nearly as much Knowing, but equally obvious is the fact that I will inevitably see this at some point anyways. After all, that’s why the intewebs gave us Cageflix.

ANYWAYS, good or bad or deliciously awful, the one thing for certain about The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is that it is by no means THE work of art to feature Nicolas Cage in 2010. No no, that accolade belongs to Brandon Bird’s Uncanny Valley, which you probably have never heard of, and that’s precisely why you need to change your ig’nant ways:

And once again, art students are crying into their organic tofu leftovers while listening to the saddest Cure B-sides they know.

You’re probably like, Whaaa?!?, and I do apologize if I broke your brain, but I simply had to share. Brandon Bird is a genius, and one day I want this astonishing portrait to hang above the queen (natch) size bed I will share with my boyfriend, the Don Draper/Richard Alpert/Adrien Brody Brundlefly. Now here’re a few words from a recent Newsweek profile in which Brandon Bird discusses his vision:

“It’s Nicolas Cage in a Japanese hot spring, being hugged by a snow monkey,” Bird explains. “At first I thought that maybe it should be a little more fanciful—a little more weird than just him hanging with the snow monkeys. Then I thought, Maybe he’ll be the baby. I think it’s an obvious conclusion.”

And what, pray tell, do Nic Cage and snow monkeys have in common? “They have the same face. Except one is bright red,” Bird says. “It’s pretty obvious.”