Valentine's Day - the unvarnished truth

If the annual glut of teddies and saccharine is already making your teeth itch, take heart. Here are Mumsnetters' more realistic experiences of love: some <cough> minor irritations, punctuated by quiet moments of joy.

Love is... being exasperated

1. "He makes weird groaning noises when he eats."

2. "He squeezes toothpaste from the TOP of the tube."

3. "He looks at his phone and makes some sort of comment that implies I am expected to ask what it is he is looking/laughing at, rather than just telling me in the first place."

4. "He talks to himself. Constantly. And in the same tone that he uses to talk to me, so I never quite know if he's talking to me or himself. Then he gets grouchy when I ask him to repeat something or don't answer..."

5. "He's had a cough, and he can't just cough privately or discreetly. No - he coughs as loudly as he can, while roaming about the house, then muttering under his breath about how ill he is (but he won't go to the doctor). If he's on the sofa he'll cough and throw his limbs around like he's having some kind of fit, for maximum effect."

6. "He always has the TV on in the background, even when he's not watching it. He just likes it on for 'ambiance'."

7. "Did I mention the throat clearing?"

8. "He grips the door handle when I'm driving (I have never been in a car accident)."

9. "Cannot. Ever. Find things:

Him: 'Where is my/the whatever-it-is?'
Me: 'I'm not sure.'
Cue five minutes of me watching or listening to him 'look' for it, grinding my jaw and vowing to do things differently this time as he must learn eventually. Give in, get up, walk straight to the most obvious place for the thing to be, possibly moving one small other thing out of the way that is partially obscuring the desired object. Present object to husband.
'Oh, thanks.'
This happens more than once a day."

On the other hand...

1. "He sends me texts saying 'I love you' out of the blue."

2. "He leaves me coffee in an insulated mug when he creeps out the door at 4.30am, so it's still hot when I wake up."

3. "He waited outside my workplace for 45 minutes last week to give me a lift home. He had finished work and it was pissing down and stupidly windy. He didn't want my umbrella to get blown away."