Time Cop 34: Big Trouble in Little eBaum's World.

Lately, I have been subjected to many false rumors in regards to my personal health and my mother's virginity. I would like to debunk such false claims with a FAQ (frequently asked questions):

Q: Andrew, are you gay? A: Yes, I am quite gay - I am a proud homosexual but I also like to pretend that I'm heterosexual, especially when I'm in the vicinity of heavy vagina. Heavy vagina being the vagina belonging to a heavyset woman. Here's a Snapple fact: women who bear heavier vaginas are more likely to give birth to stronger babies, look it up.

Q: Andrew, do you enjoy trolling? A: Frankly, I do enjoy trolling, especially when rednote and letemdangle are involved. I especially love it when they make personal attacks, like claiming that I'm gay or that my mother is black. Such claims are meant to deter me and prevent me from blogging my daily thoughts but alas, they don't.

Q: Andrew, are you Canadian?A: Yes, I am a proud Canadian - I am a particular fan of Wayne Gretzsky and Roger Clamens, both Canadian greats who played well for the Toronto Raptors. Canada is a great country, filled to the brim with delightful French, annoyed Anglo Saxons, and Native Americans. I am proud to say that Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" is our proud national anthem and that our favorite snack is beaver coated with maple syrup.

Q: Andrew, why are you obsessed with Neko? A: I am obsessed with Neko because she's simply the greatest - people who hate on her like Hitler at the World's Fair are simply envious of Neko's ability to formulate greatness with very little effort. She's an Australian great and she's most likely to make the Australian Hall of Fame, next to Steve Irwin and Josef Fritzl.

Also, it annoys the hell out of GI Joe and rednote ... I love seeing those worms squirm like worms squirming.

Q: Andrew, are you a virgin?A: Yes, I am a proud virgin who is only willing to spread my seed when I meet the right guy in honor of my savior, Lord Jesus Christ. My mother keeps nagging me because she really wants me to lose my virginity (she has even hired prostitutes to waltz into the basement and try to appease me) but I really hate that stupid bitch and I want her to suffer.

LIGHTNING ROUNDQ: Andrew, do you prefer orange or indigo? Indigo.

Q: Andrew, would you rather fuck a woman with syphilis or lick misstawpa's feet? I'd rather cut off my testicles and dip them in a jar of fuck.

Q: Andrew, if misstawpa gave you oral, how would you react? I would gouge my eyes out and split my dick in half.

Q: Andrew, if rednote would apologize to you and Neko for being so great, would you accept? Of course ... I care very deeply for rednote and his lackluster attitude towards life.

Q: Andrew, how old is your daughter? My daughter is five years old ... she can type on the computer and play Mindsweeper on Tuesdays after Korean school.

Q: Andrew, do you love Gyps? Don't get me started on my love for Gyps ... I want to bend Gyps over and show her my mother's basement. I want to pry Gyps' toenails off and eat them while fisting her mouth. Fucking dirty slut ... damn it. I just came all over my male lover.