My husband is very distant

Angel - posted on 10/27/2008
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My husband has been distant from both my son and I lately, more me but, also my son. I think that my son is suffering from it and even though I talk to my husband about it nothing changes....he still acts like he hates us. How do I help my son cope until I can come up with a better solution....

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Kathryn - posted on 12/05/2013

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I feel the same right now, we had a arguement few days ago, regarding taking our son out n about, he doesn't think I should take him too far and I said I'm his mother I can make decisions for him, he completely blew everything out of proportion and he is so mad and won't talk to me and ignoring our son, I can take it but my son is suffering and I can tell he knows something is wrong. I tried to talk to him tonight he listened and then later I said why aren't you interacting with him I told him he needs you and he said he needs you, you know what's best, he's being so unreasonable. And our son is suffering from it, I'm lost.

I agree with Nicole. It's no use torturing yourself trying to make him act in a way that he doesn't seem want to act at the moment. Maybe try letting the pressure up on yourself and on him, enjoy what your own pursuits, enjoy your little boy, and see if he doesn't come around in his own time. He's either going to do it or he isn't, but you won't be able to make that decision for him. As for your son's relationship with him, its something that is outside your control as well. It's your husband's responsibility to maintain it. If he doesn't, that's his decision. I know that it's hard to watch your son when it seems like he's being rejected, but all you can do is make sure that you are there for him.

Hi Angel,The main thing you need to concentrate on is your little boy. If you have tried to talk to your husband and there has been no change then I'm sorry there is nothing else you can do, if he is going to get past this he will in his own time.Just focus on your boy with extra love and attention. If he is getting upset by your husbands moods then distance him from his dad. I know it will hurt you to do this but little ones take everything in and they are moulded for the future by all that they see. Good luck.

First thing is don't take it personally. Maybe he has things going on in his head and he is trying to figure it out. Are you financially secure, with the economy can things have changed in your family? Is he healthy? He could be feeling left out, or maybe he is thinking about the future. I think personally, I think more about the day to day where as my husband thinks more about the future. Is he turning 40? Sometimes I think woman over analyze things and sometimes men just can't talk and internalize!! Hope this helps. Good luck!!

I really don't know what to say. Have you told him in a nice way that your son is upset about the way his Daddy is treating him and that he needs to figure things out because it is not fair to your son?

I know it can be very hard because men are not inclined to talk about how they feel. Sometimes my husband and I get into a lot of fights because something is bothering him but he will keep it all inside and not tell me. Instead he acts grumpy and sarcastic which in turn makes me grumpy. Then he is mad that I'm in a bad mood and then we both explode!

If things get really bad, I would suggest family counselling. And I would tell your husband in as nice of a way as you can that you and your son are suffering because of his aloofness and you have tried to figure out what is going on but you can't and you can't keep going like this. Tell him that something needs to change and if he can't or won't make a change on his own then you all need to see a family counsellor and it isn't an option.

I agree with Carey. It is hard to say without knowing more, but I know that sometimes when things get tight around the house w/ money or something, my husband gets crabby and doesn't ever talk about things... then we argue a lot. I think that at times he assumes that we get to "sit" at home and it is so easy and he I think resents me for that... even though this was a decision that we both made! We have 5 children and he was recently in a car accident and so he has been home and he now knows that things do not get done by themselves! He sees how hard I work at home. Maybe he needs to spend some alone time with your son... a father son day.... then you 2 should go on a date.. that is usually the best thing to do when times get tough.... hang in there! :)

I know some men get jealous of the attention their kids get from their wives. Could this be it? Maybe he needs some alone time with you first (where you talk about him and not your son) and then he'll naturally feel better about having a child. Sometimes my husband feels left out too because I get to be home with the kids and he has to work. Maybe your husband is insecure about his relationships? These are just ideas.