Weekend’s finally here. Have just completed Day 10 of 10 working day yesterday and oh man, how relieved was I. Actually I was too tired and numb to feel anything.

The last week, starting from last weekend, was just horrible. It was on the go, all the time, not enough time to rest and eat.

Covering for postnatal wards means that you attend any high risk deliveries or emergency C-sections, doing babychecks, reviewing babies that are either preterm/low birth weight babies or on antibiotics for whatever reason or just any unwell (loosely translated as ‘any baby who is not doing well’) babies.

This means constant walking/jogging (kalau crash call) from postnatal wards to labour theatre. Walking time = 3-5 minutes, running = <2 mins. Now 3 mins may not be much to you, but it is to a pregnant woman esp when it’s numerous times a day and includes going up a steep corridor and up 1 flight of stairs.

Mostly, I’m upset at myself for not taking care of myself well. I clearly haven’t eaten much as has lost 2 kilo in last 2 weeks, and yes skipping some meals too. On the wednesday, I was too tired to go back home and so stayed at hospital accomodation. That night, baby didnt kick at all, which made me worried. He was on full form though the next morning when I was feeling fresher and had a good 12 hours sleep (awu, as soon as had dinner at 8 pm, tidur till the next morning).

In my head, I think I can still do all the things that I used to do pre-pregnancy. Like just be on my feet all the time, carrying on the same workload. And somehow in my head, I think until it gets really unbearable and heavy for me, I can still do the same workload. Maybe cos I don’t have much symptoms. Though baby bump is growing, it can still be unnoticeable (when wearing scrubs) and I’m still ‘active’. But M has pointed out to me that I AM showing symptoms: I have back pain and I’m sleeping all the time. I guess I suppress all tiredness/pain until I get home. Kesian M, having to be patient all the time.

One of the reg -who knows me from Kettring – said I should slow down around this time (now 27 weeks). I think….I just don’t know how.

Lots of love,

pray lots for baby (that it wont be underweight and suffer because of his mama),

Me

ps. I take comfort in baby’s kicks whenever I’m upset. Scientifically they say when stress levels are high, it causes some release of chemicals and cause baby to kick. Which is not good. But I take it as Allah’s way of easing me through my hardship.