Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
4851

Reporting For Duty
A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a computer and an adding machine.
The man, quite reluctant to become a typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance.
"That's fine," he said: "Report for work at 8:00 tomorrow."
"But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked.
The sergeant grinned. "That’s not necessary,” he replied: "You passed the test when you sat down at the computer instead of the adding machine." Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
4852

Heavenly Test
Three nuns die and go to Heaven, but before they can enter they are each asked a question by the gatekeeper. He goes to the first nun and asks: "Who was the first man on Earth?"
She says: "That's an easy one: Adam."
So the gatekeeper lets her into heaven. He goes to the second nun and asks: "Who was the first woman on Earth?"
She says: "Oh, that's an easy one: Eve."
So the gatekeeper lets her in. He goes up to the last nun and asks: "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
The nun replies: "Now that's a hard one."
And the gatekeeper lets her in. Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
4853

Uncommon Question
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began: "My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know," the doctor interrupted, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder: "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in your pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed: "He wants to know if I can still shovel the driveway." Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
4854

Irish Birth Control
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said: "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband two years ago?"
"Aye, that ye did, Father," she replied.
"And have ye any wee little ones yet?" the priest asked.
"No, not yet, Father," she replied.
"Well now," the priest said: "I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband."
"Oh, thank ye, Father," she said and they parted ways.
Several years later, they met again. The Father asked: "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
"Oh, very well, Father!" she replied enthusiastically.
"And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?" the priest asked.
"Oh yes, Father!" she replied: "Three sets of twins and four singles -- 10 in all!"
"That's wonderful!" he said: "And how is yer loving husband doing?"
"Not so well," Mrs. Donovan responded: "He's gone to Rome to blow out yer candle!" Ryan Murphy

Friday

Joke
N°
4855

Tree Fellers Wanted
Two Irishmen are looking for work when they see a sign that reads: "TREE FELLERS WANTED."
"Oh just take a look at that," said Paddy: "What a pity there's only the two of us." Ryan Murphy

Saturday

Joke
N°
4856

Little Johnny
The teacher in a 5th-grade class says: "Class, I want you to imagine that you are the president of the United States and write an essay about what you will do for your country."
All of the students start writing except for little Johnny, so the teacher asks him: "Johnny, why aren't you writing your essay?"
Little Johnny replies: "Are you kidding me? I'm waiting for my secretary." Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
4857

The Morning After
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a formal party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, Darling?" he asked.
"You know that it always gives you a headache next morning." Ryan Murphy