On the opposite end of the spectrum are those who hate drugs; these types claim to not see the point of taking a drug, regardless of it being harmful or not and regardless of the fact they they most likely chain-smoke and are alcoholic, coffee addicts, who chronically masturbate to their child porn. Despite the glaring hypocrisy, these upstanding citizens are too burnt out from their mentally onerous worship of social fascism to even acknowledge their own cognitive dissonance. Dr. Park N. Stones has studied this phenomenon and claims that these people are either lamers, larpers, underage B&s, trolls, fundies, straight edgers, or people that took Reefer Madness way too seriously. Particularly in the United States the Christians fear that if people, especially children, started to do drugs then they would turn away from religion and there simply would not be enough adolescent semen for their Evangelical overlords to guzzle. Furthermore, the subset of these geniuses that are not trolling are the same people responsible for the war on drugs as well as the genocide in Darfur.

A special mention should be given to sXer's, who tend to view themselves as analogues of John Wayne and therefore TOO independent and self-sustaining to ever rely on chemicals, you weakling. A MAN IS NOT AN ISLAND. Channeling the snide countenance of Vegeta and acting like they have reached the height of Darwinian perfection, they walk stolidly into their giant parties of disaffected whiny youth DRUG-FREE. To these folks, drugs are an anathema. On the other hand, insidious bitching about a harmless toker or wishing genuine violence on a contrived archenemy alliance of potsmokers/rapists/atheists is considered a healthy social activity.

Just ask William S. Burroughs who thanks to the inhibition canceling power of drugs has caused 90% of people who have read him to fear the three words TIN OF VASELINE, Philip K Dick, and every other writer worth a damn. Drugs, be they good or bad, cause you to think outside the box and thus be creative. Because you're so fucked out of your head you won't rip off other people's ideas and with the right ego-enhancing compounds, you will have enough self-belief to pull off that great novel that everyone's got inside them. S'true! Everything's ripped off of everyone. Nothing is truly original anymore. Just look at tvtropes, which could be considered a drug itself. It still should be noted that drugs only work if you have talent in the first place. If you're a no talent, soulless retard that thinks that Heroin will help you write the great American Novel, don't be surprised that when you come to that you produced 90 pages repeating, "Durb, Durb, Durb," over and over.

Looking to be a writer/musician (to write lyrics hurr durr)? Try these drugs until you find one that works for you!

Users: "The Lost Generation", including Hemingway, Faulkner, and Fitzgerald, and every funnycomedian. Well known for producing its own comedy as anyone who has ever watched a wasted drunk try to take a piss.

Amphetamines - If you've ever wanted to have an idea of what it feels like to be G-D then Speed might be your thing. You can churn out ideas as rapidly as possible; statistically speaking, you'll eventually write something good. Watch it though. Just like G-D you might end up creating something just as fucked up as the human race. It should be noted that if you break into your neighbour's houses just so you can clean them then speed might not really be your thing.

Users: Jack Kerouac when he would sit for days at his typewriter producing one of his Spare Tires, David Bowie, Lemmy from Motörhead, Hitler, The Beatles. No, seriously. And apparently Britney Spears.

Weed - If you reach this point you probably weren't meant to be a writer, you'll either be inspired or hungry...

Users:Bob Marley, All the cool kids; every musician (AKA John Mayer), Jimmy Buffet (but you probably only know him if your parents forced you to go see him with them) artist and ED user

Salvia - Has no psychoactive effect other than making you hate windows. Unless you count the out-of-body post-death hallucination. Will make you realize your body is a cage you're trapped in and death is freedom. Can't suicide though as that will erase your soul. Enjoy being stuck in a flesh prison like electricity in a light-bulb.

Users: Rich kids on Spring Break in Ocean City looking to "rebel" against their rich white parents. Shaman-wannabes and standard hippies who want to put holes in their brains like pcp does.

Shrooms - An organic LSD, if you will. Allows you to experience the novel sensation of tiny fungi grabbing a hold of your brain's receptors and small aliens pulling the switches and levers known as synapses, seemingly at random. Far more likely to cause a psychotic break or a de-railing of the psyche than LSD (well, if the fungus is any -GOOD-). Most of the fun feelings and hallucinations of LSD in a "healthy", organic sense. After-effects are no more severe than your average body poisoning and accompanied by feelings of extreme relief (I ALMOST DIED MAN) and/or a falsely inflated ego and delusions of being God/the creator of the universe. Best known for giving no warning or lead up like other drugs when they are about to work. One second you'll be walking down a hallway and 2 seconds later you will be sliding on your stomach to escape 6 breasted, dog headed 2 winged angels that are flipping you off and shooting nails at you from their navals while sponge cake is being served over by the window by a hairy man-salamander that you are convinced should be outside directing traffic.

Users: Used by magical dwarves as a cash crop, by Northern Israeli psychedelic-trance bands of the infected vareity, and by Neil Patrick Harris as an appetizer.

DMT - Dimethyltryptamine. This is like the final boss of hallucinogenic drugs. If you've ever wanted to hurdle through a kaleidoscopic gateway into 10th dimensional hyperspace while talking to Buddha, space-faring bees, aliens, Jesus, and super-intelligent basketballs, all in the timespan of 15 minutes, this is your dope. Produced naturally in the brain and the reason you dream and have nightmares. Also as you die the brain drowns you in it which causes the "whole-life-flashing-before-your-eyes" moment followed by the sweet release that is being dead.

Users: Technically everyone, but especially Amazonian shamans shitting themselves in tents and grimy teenagers at music festivals shitting themselves in tents. Illegal as fuck and over 100$ a gram. Looks like orange sand and smells like garbage when smoked.

Gasoline - If you think you're moderately hip like me, you might have gone your whole life in America and never know the awesome mind-numbing properties of ordinary gasoline. Only though the awesome educational power of Encyclopedia Dramatica did I learn that Australian Aboriginals have harnessed the enourmous dreamtime-inducing potential of this everyday substance! And you thought they were duffucks.

Users: Australian aboriginals and doubtless a few other people at the thick end of the wedge in the drug culture-war. Usually it's inhaled, but try smoking it for a special experience.

Legality: As part of Australia's war on petrol, gasoline will soon be illegal. (what do you expect from a country that bans ED?) This is not actually expected to reduce the use, but it gives them a great excuse to give taxpayer money to BP in exchange for them taking the trouble to establish a monopoly on sales of a special gasoline substitute. (I'm not making this up...)

Pussy - Probably the most costly and mania-inducing drug known to mankind. Pussy will make a man do things no crackhead or LSD shitface would dream of doing in 1 million drug induced years. Pussy in it's natural state is wet, furry, and smells slightly of dead fish. Be warned, if you buy some bad pussy, you could end up with aids. If you really are curious about the self debasement that people are willing to go through for even the slighest promise of getting pussy, observe someone like Chris Chan or any of the autistic fucktards that are refrenced on his page.

Penis - Only used by females. Males who do penis are looked down from their peers considering them a disgrace to society unless other male penis users are present. An extremely cheap drug that populates 99.8% of the earth; the other 2% are pussy and tits. Known to cause high libido and an intense euphoria. Can be inhaled or put into any orifice of the female anatomy. Penis contains antidepressants and all women are chemically dependent on it, going batshit insane without a monthly "fix". Condoms prevent the absorption of these antidepressants, and this fully explains feminism. Like all drugs, penises come in different sizes, taste, prices, and colors. If you constantly abuse this drug, you will probably end up with AIDS and various kinds of viruses, diseases, or both.

E-Fame - Comparatively this is the worst of all the drugs because it is capable of making people do things that even the lowest crackwhore has to much self respect to even consider for the promise of another hit. Addiction is usually seen in 16 year old girls but E-Fame is well known for being abused regularly by people of any sex, ethnic group, age or income. If you suspect that someone you know is addicted to E-Fame the only solution is a clean break. Just walk away because they are well known for bringing everyone they know into the sick and twisted folds of their addiction.

It is a common known fact that drugs are mostly good for social settings. They can make men and women alike easy to sleep with, and they tend to have no problem blowing hundreds of thousands of hours of your life away (which judging by the fact that you're reading this, you would be doing anyway). You didn't really need them anyway. Drugs are great for laying back and not doing anything, which is great if you're in high school and won't be passing anyway, or if you plan on dropping out of college anyway because your life is really meaningless otherwise. Drugs are also good for making your shitty day great (while you're on them anyway), and they take the pain away from very minuscule happenings, such as losing your omg bf u datd so llong :( (Or PTSD but you're not in the Army and you never will be, little bitch.)

Drugs also make you think you're funnier than you really are, or more talented. Which is great when you're the only one in the room on drugs. While the crowd won't agree, you're the greatest guitarist or the most masterful debater in the room around you.

So go ahead: there really is no reason NOT to take drugs. Unless you're Michael Phelps and some douchebag is there with a camera.

PROTIP: If you edit while under the influence, make sure to use the preview button before saving. This can save your username from having a string of edits in the article history of Roman Showers or other sick shit that you are expert in, you sick fuck.

This drug makes you live longer, endows you with psychic abilities, and increases the size of your penis. Oh, and mutate you into a large worm or space whale. It tastes like cinnamon, Jesus' boomstick, and those crazy Bene Gesserit bitches use it like crazy. It's made of sand worm crap, costs a hella' lot and is only available on the desert planet of Arrakis, also known as Dune. If you use it, make sure you use Visine so that your mom won't bust you for having glowing blue eyes. A more powerful derivative of Spice is the Water of Life, which is refined Sand Worm Piss, and can only be safely consumed by the one who is foretold in prophecy and if you are expect one hell of a trip. It also makes dumping the body of Osama Bin Laden into the sea with all your faggot prancing navy sailor friends a more enjoyable experience, IN THE NAVYYYY

Do not confuse genuine spice with the knockoff "Spice". This fake Spice is the synthetic cannabinoid JWH-018 and is a perfectly legal "drug" in most European countries. Fake Spice is fairly cheap as it's made out of shit herbs like marshmallows (sic!) and flowers and easy to order thanks to the magic of the internetz. It's effects include uncool shit like drooling and that intense burning feeling in your throat/lungs. If you can smoke enough without your lungs falling out, Side effects may include smells of turqoise, sounds of green and some memorable hardcore anal pain after being lovingly sodomized.

This is a prime example of why drugs are a good thing and why most people say What the fuckidy fuck and seek psychiatric help after first reading anything from William S. Burroughs.
Alien Cum comes from a sentient, alien typewriter that serves as a handler for a Secret Agent. It is always demanding something akin to a police report be written by the agent to record their observations. If what the agent types, writes, is very good the typewriter, Alien, will start squirting cum out of a tentacle on the top of its head that is highly addictive, compared to be something like Heroin but better. Because of its highly addictive nature, Alien Cum makes the Agent, writer, want to produce even more well written reports for more cum.
William S. Burroughs has to be the most awesome writer, ever. Most people can't even come close to living the what the fuck is inhibition lifestyle that this guy had.
William S. Burroughs is most famously known for being lit up on heroin one night, putting an apple on his wife's head and shooting her in the face, killing her in a game of William Tell, ON A BET.

Adrenachrome is a form of oxidized adrenaline that is difficult to make, impossible to obtain and that just might make you trip balls. Its effects include: dysphoria, increased heart rate, increased respiration rate, increased blood pressure, increased chance of death, and just maybe psychotic hallucinations. Purportedly, you feel as if you are right on the threshold of death, having sex and being beaten senseless by asspies, all at the same time.

According to famous scientist Hunter S. Thompson, using the drug will cause you to have no memory of what occurs while under its influence, so duct-taping a tape recorder or video camera to your chest would be advisable. If you're retarded enough to buy 100% REAL ADRENOCHROME off your local drug dealer, your only two sensible options are to resell it to middle-schoolers or to admit that you paid $200 for some dried NyQuil cut with meth.

"Cake" was created by legendary English troll, Chris Morris, as part of his "Brass Eye" TV series (like the Colbert Report, only better). The episode in question, featured Morris posing as a journalist,then interviewing celebrities regarding what they knew of "cake". Once their moral outrage had been suitably fired up, Morris gave them a set of ridiculous "anti-cake" messages to read on camera, which they happily did.

“

One young kiddie on cake cried all the water out of his body. Just imagine how his mother felt.

The Torypolitician David Amess M.P, was so fooled by this prank, he even brought the issue up in parliament, bringing further lulz, a transcript of the parliamentary hearing can be found here. You those wanting to know more, you can see the clip here.

In conclusion, you can be assured that the cake is a lie. You can also be assured the cake is a spy!

Bill Clinton tried it in college but didn't swallow... the first time.

Catnip is what stoners smoke when they are all out of weed, kief, resin and stems. It's best when you're all out of your dirty schwag weed, but it tastes like rotten vagina and burns the fuck out of your throat. But I mean c'mon! Look how happy and shit that cat is, man! That must be some good shit!

UPN, not to be confused with the television network for niggers, is short for ureaphenylnitrate, a potent yet quickly metabolized hallucinogen and stimulant. Its discovery is relatively recent (see various publications in the European Journal of Clinical Pharmacology), yet it is gaining OL notoriety in such LJ communities as stoner_girls and drugwar. Preparation is nearly trivial: The intended user accumulates approximately 1 liter of urine in a small Nalgene container (the source of the phenyl group via the naturally flaked bisphenol A); which is permitted to completely evaporate. The urea particles are resuspended in a small volume (< 5mL) of water, and another small (< 5g) amount of saltpeter is added. The resulting mixture contains a significant amount of UPN, so should be tested for specific effects using a Q-Tip on the edge of the nostril before either snorting or inserting directly into the anus for maximum effect.
While certainly not addressed in the reputable publications, it is speculated that the discovery of this drug should be attributed to the esoteric S&M babyfurs, who discovered the drug during a noble journey of self-awareness involving piss, cutting, and explosives, during some kind of hiking adventure, which makes absolutely no fucking sense, because babyfurs are justifiably afraid of the sun (it is their pervert god that judges them).

Alternative medicine is like real medicine, but instead of containing drugs it contains lies. If you find out you have two months to live, don't spend your time and money doing anything listed above, waste it on alternative treatments. It's exactly as effective as a placebo, particularly expensive, and you've got to give your money to a scam artist masquerading as a hippie.

There are a wide variety of alternative or 'complementary' medicines and they're all as retarded as the last. They're a bit like Darwin Awards in that they make stupid people die quickly.

Jenkem is a very rough high that first consists of wanting to kill yourself intensely followed by a very long period of total body numbness. It is a very strong body high that lasts approximately 7 hours. On the down, you just kinda feel like your regaining consciousness after being dead for years. If you have sex on this drug, you will die, then spontaneously implode. This drug is made by pissing and shitting into a plastic container whereupon you must be able to stretch a plastic balloon (standard size!) over the top. Wait approximately 7 to 9 days, to allow for fermentation and shit,where the balloon will fill up with a truly noxious gas. This gas is then to be inhaled though the nostrils. While on this high, it is recomended to find yourself a filthy homosexual and curb stomp him to death.

Medipacks are highly addictive, take away 10hp, and you never have enough of them. You'd kill entire alienarmies, suck leprous cocks or srslyfuck it up with demons from hell, just to get your hands on you next "Pack". How they work actually noone knows, but as far as modern science can say, you have to WALK OVER THEM. Maybe the most dangerous thing about Medipacks is, that you can use them while having both hands occupied, for example while killing aliens or fapping while goatseing your anus. Somehow makes guns shoot faster.

Idoser is this shit that is FUCKING AWESOME.It sends sound beats through your brain and you actually get the effects of the drug you choose (not to mention it has every illegal and legal drug out there).IT'S ALSO FREE!!!! You don't have to bother with trying to save up a shitload of cash just for a little bit of drugs, GET IDOSER AND BE PREPARED TO HAVE THE RIDE OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE!

For first time users who are unsure of the correct methods to inject drugs, Wikipedia is very well versed in the subject. Their article on drug injection details the many ways to insert illicit drugs into one's body. For example, did you know that women are able to insert drugs into their vagina with much the same effect as a suppository? You do now! Thanks to Wikipedia!

Psychedelic research chemicals that burn like the unholy bowels of Hell when snorted up the nose and also taste like rotten Indian food, paint thinner, and year-old jenkem. For best results, stick them up your pooper (no, really). For a while, these chemicals were used legally at raves instead of the illegal ecstasy, but, like all good things, the vast right-wing conspiracy eventually criminalized them as well. Drugs like these research chemicals have interesting side effects that have been recorded. In addition to [raping and killing your neighbors goat, the growth of dreadlocks, attendance at burning man, and having ugly hippie girlfriends is often a direct side effect of the use of these and similar drugs. Furthermore, you may listen to repetitive dubsteb with awful repeating robot sounds, and other forms of horrible sounds which may or may not pass as music . If you become heavily addicted, as most people who use these horrible substances do, you may find yourself thinking you know something about the nature of GOD, thinking anyone gives a shit about your deep thoughts, and posting your experiences on 420chan's /psy/ board.

A pill very easily prescribed by doctors to any of their patients that so much as mention any sort of trouble falling asleep. Like most sleeping pills, it sucks ass at what it's supposed to do. However, taking at least twice of what the bottle says to take will result in some legit ball-trippage such as little grey concrete men walking around your room, as well as shadow people in your peripheral vision that dissapear as soon as you try to look at them. Also, all constraint and inhibitions are lost once you're tripping. You could drop a burning match on your carpet or run around naked fapping in Wal-Mart (not unusual to see in most states) and have no idea of the consequences. It also makes you really horny, but you won't be getting any, faggot. You can probably find it in your mom's pill cabinet as well.

Compare to above. AMT has a similar legal history, but different effects. Basically, you'd be better off taking 4 ecstasy pills, eating a bag of shrooms, dropping 5 tabs of acid, snorting, smoking two joints laced with PCP, and watching a horror movie about killer cops.

Originally used by your mom as a sleeping pill, Barbiturates have been largely replaced by Benzos, since they're a lot harder to overdose on. Nowadays, they are almost impossible to get your hands on, unless you know the right people. Downers have been known to make 3 seconds last one hour and going to the bathroom an ordeal. You know those retarded commercials where weed smokers are fading into the couch? Well, obviously that's bullshit. Weed won't make you fade into the couch. But Downers will.

You love crack, but scared of buying it from niggers? Don't know any friends or anyone to buy crack from? Don't you wish you could do crack without The Man and police sticking you for it? Then, bath salts are for you! Similar to spice, but more powerful in crack form. Makes you do lulzy shit no pothead or meth addict could possibly do like killing your neighbor's goat while wearing your mom's panties, thinking you're the Hulk when the pigs have arrived, being an emofag, and becoming an hero. WARNING: this may cause slight, insignificant side affects such as eating a homeless man's face for breakfast.

A designer drug that was eventually made illegal along with TFMPP. Legal does not mean weak, however. These things are like fucking meth pills. And, best of all, you'll feel like shit coming down from it.

A psychedelic known for being used as the Eucharist of the Temple of the True Inner Light, which worships psychedelics as the "Flesh of God". And the government lets them. "Separation of Church and state" my ass.

Diethyl ether, originally referred to by its discoverer as "sweet oil of vitriol", is a colorless, strong-smelling liquid formally used as an alcohol replacement during Prohibition. May be mixed with alcoholic drinks, but why the fuck anyone would want to do that is beyond human comprehension. Drinking ether neat is inadvisable; diethyl ether boils at around 35 degrees Celsius--a value lower than that of human body temperature. Ingestion of ether can lead to rapid boiling of the liquid, the vapour pressure from which has been known to cause somewhat unwanted side-effects in humans, ranging merely from belching, to rupture of the stomach wall. If one does intend on drinking ether, the advisable method is to soak a piece of fruit (eg. strawberry) in the ether to use as a garnish. This method allows for controlled release of ether into the beverage, and can inhibit loss from evaporation upon mixing. Ether is commonly used as a solvent in manylaboratory applications. The main risk of ether is a fire risk due to an incredibly low flashpoint. Ether can also form potentially explosive peroxided if left open to atmosphere in the presence of light.

Hyper-ecstasy that will cause you to spasm on the floor and have sex with glow sticks. Yet another drug that was used as a legal ecstasy replacement and sold on the Internet until the government outlawed it in 2003.

Naturally occurring substance in nature that was also used as a general anesthetic and a treatment for many conditions. Now illegal in many countries. When taken, it has similar effects to being drunk. May be used as a club drug or slipped into someone's drink. Usually the latter. PROTIP: Good for raping if you don't want to get caught.

Soft-core version of LSD; kind of a natural version, the high is not as intense, but also produces more stimulant-like effects. Used only by teenagers trying to look cool because of the legal status. Will probably lead you to do something insane, like drinking cat pee.

A more psychedelic ecstasy, doesn't have full-body orgasms or as many empathetic feelings like MDMA. However, it gives a powerful feeling of euphoria and bliss, gives you some crazy visuals, and enhances music to an INSANE degree. Often sold as MDMA by shitty dealers.

Used by everyone (especially college kids and your mom) during the 1970s, these have virtually faded into oblivion since they stopped being manufactured in 1983. They have similar effects to Barbituates, except they are harder to overdose on. Some sweaty Mexicans can still get you some illegally-made Qualuudes if you know where to look, however.

Laughing gas that hippies steal from dentists' office and use like fucking crack. Sucking on nitrous-filled balloons while listening to The Grateful Dead is a true sign of being a hippie. Whipped cream chargers contain nitrous and may be used by 13 year old boys who don't know where to find other drugs or who to get them from. Often called "hippie crack" because of the way these canisters fill up VW buses outside of Phish concerts, Nitrous is incredibly psychically addictive, and hippies have been known to find jobs, vote republican, and listen to music that doesn't suck just so they can get their fix.

The worst drug ever. Taking even a tiny amount will cause you to spaz out, overheat, and die. May be mixed with Ecstasy for especially lethal fun. It first came around in the early 1970s, when it was used by dirty hippies as a substitute for LSD, when they couldn't get any. Bad drug dealers will sometimes sell PMA-containing tablets as Ecstasy, so be sure to know who to buy from.

Poppers (also known as the goatse drug) is used exclusively by gay faggots during episodes of partying and playing (PNP) who want to be able to fit huge cocks in their ass. All you have to do is pop off the cap, sniff the aromatic contents of the bottle, and your anus will magically expand and be able to stretch to lengths never before thought possible! This is accompanied by a brief high (a minute or two) and increased libido and orgasm potency so you and your gay friends can have a massive gay orgy together! Poppers, sold in porn shops, usually are administered using a cloth soaked in the bottle's aromatic contents and then inhaled. Spilling the bottle is embarrassing and smelly and irritates the skin. Poppers are often part of the PNP practice, used conjunctively with amphetamines and ecstasy-type chemicals with one drug enhancing the other. Persons on viagra to overcome the erectile dysfunction (e.g. crystal dick) that sometimes occurs need to avoid poppers. They can cause a sudden drop in blood pressure that can be fatal if taken to extremes. Viagra + amphetamines + Poppers = a real black out.