TDWH, the sequel: Evaluating ‘Phantom Menace’

Young Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd) did some amazing things for a 9-year-old in “Phantom Menace,” which dominated the movie landscape for much of the summer of 1999.

As promised in the 1999 portion of This Date in Weekender History, here’s my attempt to answer some of the burning questions about “Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace”:

After holding out for a couple of weeks — an attempt to cleanse my movie palate after having ingested too many reviews — I finally saw “Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace” last weekend. Some random thoughts on the issues those nasty killjoy critics have brought up:

Jar Jar must die, right?

No, but slow torture ought to be considered. The goofy Gungan is good for a snicker or two, but most of the time, he gets in the way — literally and figuratively. If George Lucas wanted comedy so badly, why didn’t he just computer-generate Larry, Curly and Moe?

Cardboard cutouts have more depth than most of the characters.

Wrong. Cardboard cutouts have more depth than all of the characters. Anakin’s mommy is the only possible exception. And I don’t care how strong the force is in Anakin: No 9-year-old could pull off what he does, especially by accident.

The film is packed with racist/ethnic stereotypes.

Sort of. Jar Jar struck me as merely over the top, not an updated Stepin’ Fetchit. But those two noseless Trade Federation baddies could just as easily been Japanese admirals in a WW II movie.

Even if you hate all the characters, the visuals alone are worth the trip.

Definitely. The scenes were every bit as good as they were supposed to be — the underwater Gungan city, the dizzying pod race, the monstrous, spherical Senate chamber (talk about big government!), the trip through the planet core, the final battle.

Lots of scenes remind you of other movies.

Maybe not you, but they did to me. Yes, the pod race was “Ben Hur” meets the Death Star assault in the original “Star Wars,” and exterior views of the city-planet of Coruscant came across as an alien “Fifth Element.” The final battle had elements of “Braveheart” and even “Spartacus.” And, come to think of it, that planet they called Tattoo-ing or something like that looked awfully familiar, too.

You’ll get maximum enjoyment if you happen to be a 12-year-old boy.

Yes. My 12-year-old son already has seen it twice. The first time, he took his plastic light saber, which telescopes, glows in the dark and makes the appropriate buzzing sound.