I got accepted to the uni! *victory dance* I don't know why people tend to keep a secret about where they are going and stuff, maybe they're afraid of jinxing it. I don't know. But I really want to share it with somebody (without coming off as showing off). So what better place than my own blog.

I'm quite excited to go there, but at the same time I'm really scared. What if I get so extremely home sick? I'm definitely not the most independent girl. I have never even been camping, or any school trips that requires overnight. The first time I ever over night away from home (not counting sleepovers) was the Pangkor trip earlier this year (which feels like decades away).

I look forward to becoming a tougher person! I get hurt very easily. Too easily. I'll miss my family, especially my mum so much. ): I think I'd cry like mad when she leaves me. That would be the one reason I don't want to go. I'm worried that she'll miss me and then become lonely cause my siblings would be busy with school. ): ):

Anyway, this morning I went to the gym with Queennie. It was nice, exercising since so long. The only exercise I get these days are moving my jaw in an vertical motion. oh & climbing the flight of stairs to my room. After that we went for dim sum. In which I ate so very little, I admit. Don't know why, bad mood maybe.

Last night I barely slept, the coffee I had during lunch kept my brain working overtime. Moreover, before I sleep some stupid stuff happened. I would love to share but it would remind me of how shitty everything is.

I don't know how else does it have to happen for me to be able to accept it nicely. It's not like we should continue talking, and not talking isn't really the way to go either. Ugh why do I care again? Oh yeah, I just remembered that I actually have feelings. Do you get it?? It's not like you can walk into my life, and then walk away. There must be another way to manage it, so that no feelings are hurt? Perhaps I'm thinking too much. No feelings should've been involved in the first place.

& you. YOU. Since when do you give a flying fuck what's happening to me? Please. Go away. I don't want to subject myself to more hurt. I can never really get over what happened to me. My heart just forgets the way it hurts. & with you trying to 'talk to me' & 'be there for me', please just do me a favor and disappear.

*deleted like freaking 2 paragraphs.*

Wounds everywhere. So much for thinking I've almost healed. people just have to pick the scabs.

So as you all know (or don't know), I just got off a almost-3-year relationship. It hasn't been easy for me at all. Although now most of the time I feel fine, sometimes I still can't help but feel lonely.

Doing things I use to do with him, hearing people say things he use to say to me... It's difficult to come to terms with who he really is vs who I thought he was. But I'm on the way, almost there, not quite, but I think I can see the finish line.

I do feel that I've grown up a lot as a person through this, and I see myself more clearly, what I really want, and what kind of person I am. As much as I miss the past, I can tell you that there's no turning back at this point. I'm not exactly proud of who I use to be, & going back there would morph me back to who I was. I'm pretty happy with who I am right now. I feel that I am more compassionate towards people, more outgoing, and I feel kinder.

As lonely as I am right now, I don't want to use anyone as a stepping stone to bring myself closer to 'happiness'. & to be honest, I'm really not ready for anyone. I don't want to be in a relationship until I feel that I am 100% happy again. It's not fair to you, and the last thing I want is to make myself feel worse. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to hurt myself.

The thing with men is that they cannot just be friends with you, it's either something more, or nothing at all.

If your intention is nothing but to be more than a friend to me, then please, don't even approach me. Don't say I didn't warn you.

My apologies for the negative tone and slight anger. Must be the songs that are on my playlist now effecting me.

Ps,
the song lyrics has nothing to do with me, so don't think I'm suicidal or something . I just like how sad it sounds and how sad it makes me feel.

Would you touch me so that I can tell my friends that I've been touched by an angel?

A refrigetrator of deliciousness.

You must be Jamaican. Cause Jamaican me crazy!

Berry Pavlova with Chocolate

Tiramisu with Cognac. Drooling just thinking about it. I should've eaten that just now! But that's another story for another day. :P

See this pin? I want to prick you and see if you really bleed sunshine.

Apart from being sexy, what else do you do for a living?

That's me acting like a doofus. Who needs men when there's cake!

Anyway, my dear Queennie, I'm so glad to have met you. I hope nothing but the best for you! All the good fortune, good luck, good food, good men! heheh. You're awesome and I LOVE YOU. I know you know already. Btw, thanks for the mee suah you brought me today, ate it for lunch and dinner. heheh. The taste of out friendship!

We will go have cake and tea soon kay. I hope you had a great birthday honey. Thanks for being here for me. :)

SEE YOU REAL SOON!

Please go and visit QUEENNIE'S BLOG, more information on the food and also you get to see her face. (:

I know! It's been too long. A lot of stuff happened between my last update and now. Considering this long gap between the posts, I doubt I still have many readers. I feel more private typing this. Sort of.

Wow I just realized it's been almost 2 months since the break up! I just realize I'm still not that comfortable talking about it yet. I avoid looking back. However, I have come a long long way since then. I'm glad that we broke up, dating since 17, how could I even expect this to last?

The happiest thing about this break up is that now, I don't need to worry about the truth, and I don't need to feel insecure anymore. Nobody likes to be suspicious and feeling the need to be clingy.

The second happiest thing is that I catch up with many of my friends! I have also made new friend(s).

I realize that my pass relationship has become sort of like a routine. & now I have my own, new routine. It's nice to be single right now, I'm about to enter university (fingers crossed!) and it is like a whole new journey. I'm scared but at the same time I know that this will only make me a stronger person.

I couldn't have achieved this state if it's not for my friends and family. I feel reconnected with my old friends, as old as from my primary school days. I don't know if these people realize it, but I do consider them my really good friends!

haha it's weird but I gotta do it or else you all won't know that I truly feel thankful. :P

Anyway,
I have learnt a lot from the relationship and the break up.

I've learnt not to let your other half be your whole world.
I've learnt that I am stronger than I think I was.
I've learnt to let go.

If you are going through a break up too, it's good to know that you are not alone. You might think your situation is special, but trust me it's not. I believe that break ups and getting over somebody, the problems are almost identical. So talk to someone who has gone through it before, suck it up and just move on. Don't face it alone, and don't cry so much.

& to the heartbreakers out there, don't be too happy cause one day you'll feel the same way too. Karma is a bitch. and also, please grow up. Don't get into a relationship until you are sure that you can handle one.