Saturday, December 20, 2014

We must have let the rest of the White House staff go on “Winter Holiday Break” early too, because as of this morning, still no transcript from yesterday’s presser.

I gotta run, I’ve got a flight to catch. See you next year.

Although there was this posted yesterday on the Big White site: DECLARACIONES DEL PRESIDENTE SOBRE CAMBIOS EN LA POLÍTICA CON CUBA. No English translation though because, as I just explained, a lot of people are already on holiday. I ran it through my special language pack however and it appears to be addressed to newly landed formerly illegal aliens. It explains how to get a Social Security number, a drivers license, food stamps, unemployment and ObamaCare. It also explains that first you have to join the Democratic Party and register to vote.

And Merry Christmas to you too, María José, Dreamer, studente, and futuro lídero.

So you’ll just have to rely on my synopsis of yesterday’s all-female, all print media presser, as I’m sure you were too busy to bother with it.

Sony "made a mistake" in deciding to cancel the release of their (satirical) film about North Korea, The Interview. Saying “I wish they had spoken to me first. I would've told them ‘do not get into a pattern in which you're intimidated by these kinds of criminal attacks.’” And let me be clear, this is completely different from films like “The Innocence of Muslims” - that was responsible for the Benghazi massacre. Now THAT film, we approved of getting pulled from YouTube. And clearly the film maker deserved to be thrown in jail.

We will respond to North Korea’s hacking “proportionally.” Chuck Krauthammer says that means we’ll launch a cyber attack against NoKo’s infrastructure and bring their 3-car trolley system to a halt.

Q:“Big Guy, you won 2 historic national elections and managed to lose both houses of Congress. What are you going to do next?”A:“I’m going to visit Cuba! The Disneyland of Communist Utopias.”

Race relations are better now than they were before Big Guy took office. Hopefully he’ll pass that news on to Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, who don’t seem to have gotten the memo.

People have a tendency to “hype” the benefits to the US economy of the Keystone Pipeline; butt Big Guy’s going to make damn sure it doesn’t add to world-wide climate change before he approves it, i.e. it will be a cold day in Hell. Because we’d rather rely on Saudi Arabia, Russia and Venezuela for our energy. And because hauling crude via (Warren Buffet’s) railcars is way more eco-friendly.

Because hauling crude via railcar is way safer than an environmentally insensitive pipeline

And finally, justifying his new, unilateral (remember when that used to be a bad thing?) Cuba policy, Barry told us:

“If you’ve done the same thing for 50 years and nothing’s changed you should try something different if you want a different outcome.”

Maybe he should send the same message to his own party, because after 50 years and trillions of dollars, the results of the Great Society’s War on Poverty are less than spectacular:

When President Lyndon Johnson announced his ‘Great Society’ plan to use the federal government to declare war on poverty in 1964, the poverty rate was around 14.7%. In 2012 the poverty rate was nearly unchanged at 15% (although today’s poor are materially better off than in 1964).

So after nearly 50 years and 20 TRILLION dollars spent in Johnson’s ‘Great Society’ war on poverty, the poverty rate has remained virtually unchanged while the illegitimacy rate in the black community has skyrocketed from 25% to over 70%.

It took the people enslaved by the Soviet Union some 70 years to break their chains of the tyranny of communism with the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989.

We are 50 years and counting with the failed policies of big government liberalism as it pertains to poverty in general and the destructive dynamics in the black community in particular.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Butt getting back to Boo-Rock’s claim that he has a “Jewish soul” - I’m sure that could be true, were there any evidence that he does, in fact, have a soul. I’ve been unable to confirm or deny that fact.

According to a new study by Yale University psychologists, most people intuitively feel as if their "self" — otherwise known as their soul, or ego — exists in or near their eyes.

Conclusion: the eyes are the window to the soul!

Which is very scary indeed. Because while these eyes may reveal many things…

a soul is not one of them. Certainly not a soul you’d be willing to spend any time peering into.

If the eyes are windows to the soul, these black holes are a little spooky. (Cue the racist police)

Well anyway, a news conference later today to cover normalization of relations with Cuba, the hack attack on Sony Pictures, the president's executive actions on immigration, tensions with Russia, prospects for the U.S. economy, and dealings with the Republican-run Congress that convenes early next year. We’ve scheduled about 20 minutes to address all of these end of the year issues, so be sure to have your pencils sharpened.

And then, off to Hawaii. To celebrate the last few days of Hanukkah with some seasonal bagels.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

It’s worse than we thought; even the Wons are frequent victims of racial injustice according to People magazine - The Obamas: How We Deal with Our Own Racist Experiences. In the article, Big Guy claims he’s been mistaken for a valet and Lady M said he has also been mistaken for a waiter.

Some say he’s been mistaken for a President:

Rock star? President? Whatever.

Butt I think we all know who the real president is around here:

Although undocumented and forced to live in the shadows, Val is de facto el Presidente.

And it’s not just BO who has to deal with racism every day; MO relates to People her own tales of victimhood:

"I tell this story – I mean, even as the first lady – during that wonderfully publicized trip I took to Target, not highly disguised, the only person who came up to me in the store was a woman who asked me to help her take something off a shelf. Because she didn't see me as the first lady, she saw me as someone who could help her. Those kinds of things happen in life. So it isn't anything new."

It may not be new, butt it sure is a new twist on an old story:

I’d like to file a protest on behalf of short people against this sort of humor: #ShortPeoplesLivesMatter

So let’s stipulate to the fact that mistakes were made. Depending on who they happen to however will determine whether or not they are racist. Take that unfortunate little mix up with Val Jar and the 4-Star General back in 2011. I covered the incident in They Also Serve Who Only Stand and Wait:

You know the old saying “To a hammer, every problem looks like a nail?” Well, it looks like it has a corollary:“To an imperialist, every uniform looks like a waiter.”

Ok, Ok, it’s true. Val did ask a decorated US General to fetch her a glass of wine at a black tie dinner. Butt for goodness sake let’s take all of the circumstances into consideration before we jump to conclusions. For starters, the affair was held at the Alfalfa Club. The Alfalfa Club!? Isn’t that just a little racist?

Furthermore, Val worked hard to become an advisor to the Won: how about we just show her a little respect here.

And to be fair, had Big Guy been there, he likely would have thought theCorpsemanlooked like a waiter too. Racism has a way of making you view everything as a victim, which leads you to believe you are entitled to reparations, which naturally makes everyone your vassal.

So I hope you can see that this whole little mistake had nothing to do with elitism, and everything to do with racism. Butt there you go, making Val the victim all over again. Shame on you.

According to a tipster who reported the “situation” to theDaily Caller, this is what happened:

…According to our tipster, Jarrett was seated at the head table along with several other big-name politicians and a handful of high-ranking military officials. As an officer sporting several stars walked past Jarrett, she signaled for his attention and said, “I’d like another glass of wine.”

Garçon!

“The guy dutifully went up and got her a glass of wine, and then came back and gave it to her and took a seat at the table,” our tipster said. “Everyone is in tuxedos and gowns at this thing, but the military people are in full dress uniform.”

Thank goodness that controversy blew over with barely a whisper. I mean, a BLACK woman mistaking a WHITE military general as a waiter? How does THAT fit our narrative of racist America? Maybe racism is just racism whether it’s in “reverse” or going FORWARD!?

Anyway, I’ve got to run; I’ve got another mess to clean up on aisle 6. Apparently there’s been a little fall out from Big Guy’s latest end run around the Constitution and Congress.

Using his phone to call the Castro brothers, and his pen to “normalize” relations with Cuba seems to have shaken a few people up. Most likely the fallout is just due to the fact that he’s black. That’s how things are in post-colonial America. It won’t stop BHO however, he will proceed with his plans to "leave behind the legacy of colonization and Communism."

I’m not so sure about the colonialism, butt I sure do see a trail of Communism in BHO’s historic wake.

“Sometimes there was no toilet paper in the shops. Luckily there was not much food either.”

So let’s lighten up out there! Everyone makes mistakes! It isn’t always racist.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Aaron Sorkin is disillusioned; he’s left to wonder if there is any "such thing as privacy anymore."

Sorkin, famous Hollywood screenwriter who wrote The Social Network, Moneyball, and The West Wing, also wrote a New York Times editorial, sharing his views on the Sony hack of Hollywood emails:

If you close your eyes you can imagine the hackers sitting in a room, combing through the documents to find the ones that will draw the most blood. And in a room next door are American journalists doing the same thing. As demented and criminal as it is, at least the hackers are doing it for a cause. The press is doing it for a nickel.

I’m shocked, shocked, I tell you…the media? In it for the money? Just like Hollywood?

These Hollywood types are nearly as insular as the Washington types in their world view. Has Aaron never heard about the IRS phony-scandal?

Unless they mysteriously disappear

Or the NSA phony-scandal?

Aaron elaborated his views on the media when he was interviewed on the TODAY show:

“This is the exact same situation only worse by magnitudes because in this case the hackers stole this material and are threatening the lives of children...They're threatening the lives of whole families because they don’t like a movie that the studio is planning on releasing.How many different bedrock pieces of our decency do you have to obliterate before the press stops running the anchor leg of this relay travesty?"

“How many different bedrock pieces of our decency do you have to obliterate”? How precious is that!? That’s intended as irony, right? You know, the “anchor leg” of Hollywood comedy?

Butt, seriously? Aaron is asking how many bedrock pieces of decency have to be obliterated before the media stops this travesty? I would say that’s like the pot calling the kettle black, butt I’d be accused of being a racist so let’s just say that the Hollywood sewer pipe has singlehandedly done more to obliterate any semblance of decency in this country than Planned Parenthood and the public education system put together (no mean accomplishment).

I don’t need to point out the general hypocrisy embedded in Aaron’s self-serving NYT op-ed rant:Ed Driscoll andEd Morrissey have already done that more than adequately:

Sorkin, for his part, argued that the leaked material had no real news value, unlike the leaks from the Edward Snowden cache or the Pentagon Papers. Sony isn’t a government or Enron, he pointed out, but a movie studio, and nothing of what was stolen and published had any social or cultural value, appealing only to the prurient and the nosy.

In this, Sorkin landed a clean punch — but perhaps he was too much on target. His essay could easily be taken for an argument against the existence of Variety altogether. After all, Variety doesn’t cover governments or the Enrons of the world. What exactly is Variety supposed to cover, if not news about the studios and celebrities, the appetite for which can be best described as prurience and nosiness?

Ed Driscoll also pointed out that it was the NYT that previously asked its readersto crowdsource any revelations in Sarah Palin’s emails to help them dig up any dirt that was to be found (none). Butt that’s totally different from using the Hollywood emails for our entertainment purposes. That, according to Mr. Sorkin would he “morally treasonous and spectacularly dishonorable.”

Here’s a silver lining to this whole mess though: I think there’s a great movie in here somewhere!

“I don't trust society to protect us, I have no intention of placing my fate in the hands of men whose only qualification is that they managed to con a block of people to vote for them.” – - Mario Puzo, The Godfather

And maybe we can cast the lead role with a highly skilled method actor:

WASHINGTON— Internal documents from the National Security Agency show that its intelligence-gathering reached far deeper into Santa Claus’s annual toy-distribution operations than acknowledged. Sources close to the agency had previously confirmed that it has been provided with the contents of Mr. Claus’s database of naughty and nice children under a confidential data-sharing arrangement. But according to the documents, which were among those leaked by Edward Snowden, the N.S.A. also has direct access to one of the North Pole’s most closely guarded sources for that database, the daily field reports filed by Elf on the Shelf agents.

Since 2005, Mr. Claus has outsourced much of his behavioral analytics research to the Elves on the Shelves. Employing sophisticated surveillance technology, the Elves inform Santa about children’s toy-worthy activities — or, in some cases, recommend the delivery of coal, instead.

Under a program codenamed NSANTA, the agency has surreptitiously installed wiretapping devices inside the North Pole data center through which all communications to and from the rest of the world pass. The devices are custom-designed to identify and copy all incoming reports from an Elf, no matter where its Shelf happens to be located.

It is unclear whether the the interceptions are taking place with the knowledge or consent of North Pole authorities. Mr. Claus has long had a tense relationship with the United States government. Some have speculated that NORAD was able to extract extensive concessions in 2010, when the most recent treaty allowing him access to United States airspace was negotiated. Vixen and Comet have alleged that they were placed on the no-fly list in 2006 after delivering presents to Middle Eastern countries, and the Transportation Security Administration has confiscated millions of plastic toy guns from Mr. Claus’s sleigh. (more)

And don’t be feeling complacent if you don’t personally participate in the Elf on the Shelf Christmas tradition:

We now have alternate methods of keeping track of your behavior.

They’re called “cell phones”

Nor should you feel complacent by virtue of your position in the hierarchy; we watch everyone even the duly elected elves themselves.

So go ahead, enjoy all the perks of office while you can:

As long as you remember that being an elf doesn’t exclude you from being spied on. And everything we find can and will be used against you.

Hands Up! Don’t Shoot!

So remember, when you knowingly invite the elves to occupy your shelves and spy on your children you may be inadvertently training them to become Obots indoctrinated brain-dead members of the Hive – not that there’s anything wrong with that.

When parents and teachers bring The Elf on the Shelf into homes and classrooms, are they preparing a generation of children to accept, not question, increasingly intrusive (albeit whimsically packaged) modes of surveillance? – Who’s the Boss

Because, shoot - we can’t teach children the difference between fantasy and reality when there really isn’t much anymore. Can we?

So please, if you care about truth and justice, join my campaign today to help free the Elf from the unjust allegation of illegal spying. Allow him to once again sit, judgmentally, on the shelf. Free the Elf from all that Great White North Guilt! And Privilege.

NOTE: I’D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE TO ANYONE WHO MAY BE OFFENDED BY THIS PRIVILEGED WHITE, RACIST, SEXIST POST.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Since it’s Monday, the week before Christmas, this is my annual Christmas/Hanukah/Festivus recipes/traditions/stories sharing post.

As I’ve obviously excluded Muslims from my annual Christian/Jewish/Secularist event, I would like to apologize upfront to anyone who is going to be offended by this intentional slight.

In preparation for this day of fun and diversion I watched no news yesterday or today so I know nuth-ink’ about the Commie/socialist/anarchist/black supremacist terrorists who marched in New York this weekend. Nor do I know anything about the ongoing coffee shop hostage situation in Sydney, Australia where the terrorists - who demanded an ISIS flag butt whose affiliation with Islamic State has yet to be identified. For all we know they could be protesting the use of coffee beans that are neither organic, sustainable or “Fair Trade.” And to make their point, they probably demand “dead cops” too.

Any-hoo, as you may recall that this event was previously known as the “Christmas Recipe Exchange.” Due to an injunction filed against me by the ACLU I’ve expanded to the new, more inclusive nomenclature. While I’m certain it isn’t inclusive enough (see apology above) I’m hoping to get extra credit for trying.

(this makes the white stripe of your penguins chest) Cut carrot into 1/4 inch slices, then out of each slice cut a small notch (these will be your penguins’ feet), save the piece you cut out this will become the beak.

Cut a small slit in the center of each small olive and press the cut out piece of carrot into the hole with the pointed end out.

Using a frill toothpick, stack head (small olive), body (large olive) and feet (carrot slice), adjusting so that beak, cream cheese breast and notch in carrot slice line up.

And if penguins are not your thing…well, there are plenty of other cute things on the Hungry Happenings site; like these Weasels, masquerading as polar bears, and the Christmas mice.

OK…now you’re on your own. Have at it. Give us your best recipe, story, tradition, whatever.