We LOVE books here. And wanted to start a tradition with the kids where they get 12 books wrapped and under the tree. (You can totally do 24 books, from December 1 – December 24th … but… well, budget conscious here, haha. Let’s stick with the 12 days of Christmas.)

I wanted to share with you 12 books we will be wrapping under the tree this year in case it inspires you to pick out any for you and your family (or grandkids … or niece or nephew!)

And keep in mind, you don’t have to do all of them – you can also grab one and wrap it with a pair of Christmas Eve jammies and call it a day!

As always, I included my Amazon affiliate links below and so appreciate when you use them!

First of all, RESOLVE, for those who don’t know, is a nonprofit patient advocacy organization supporting infertility that is the crème de la crème. RESOLVE provides free support groups in more than 200 communities; is the leading patient advocacy voice; and serves as the go-to organization for anyone challenged in their family building. I love what my friend Candace said to me when talking about me winning this … “It’s like you won an Oscars. This is like the Oscars of the infertility world. This is a BIG deal.”

This honor stands for something so significant that it humbles me to my core. Everything that I have been a part of over the years, from writing here to connecting people on Instagram and coordinating TTC Exchanges, has been genuine, authentic and done because I don’t think anyone should ever go through this heartache alone.

My purpose has never been awards, fame, or recognition, but simply reminding others that faith + infertility can co-exist, and that they are not alone. I am humbled to stand in line with the other honorees who are accepting awards this weekend, whose lives are drive with a purpose and a passion to help others facing infertility.

There’s a couple of ways you can get involved and support me in this honor, but first, I just need to say THANK YOU. It’s always been our community (YOU!) who have encouraged us to keep telling our story, who prayed us through the hardest days of loss and miscarriage and waiting, and who have always been open to hearing more about this struggle the 1 in 8 couples have.

First – a way you can help:

If you want. RESOLVE is asking my community to make a donation in my honor. $5 is all it takes! Of course it can be more, but if you in any way, have a heart to continue to help others who have stood in our shoes, this is an excellent way.

In addition, your donation is made in my honor and they will be sharing these notes and messages publicly (or privately if you choose!) at the gala, so I would LOVE to see YOUR NAMES up there. It’s one way I could literally have my people with me on this big and exciting night.

If you have ever been a part of an exchange, or read along our story, will you consider making a donation in my honor and sending me a little message to read at the gala? I literally can’t imagine anything better!

Second – a way you can join in:

RESOLVE will be LIVESTREAMING the ceremony and award presentation for friends, family and supporters who could not be in the room with us in NYC on Monday, 11/12/18.

*Note since this is a live event, all times are estimated* EASTERN TIMES

Lastly, here’s a note from the president and CEO of RESOLVE, Barbara Collura:

“RESOLVE is proud to honor Chelsea Ritchie for the important work she has done through her blog and annual TTC exchange for people living with infertility and all those who are challenged in their family building journey. Celebrating these contributions makes the collective message louder and inspires others to get informed, seek support, advocate for change, and take action to reach resolution in their family building journey.”

The Night of Hope brings together more than 400 leaders and influencers in the family building community to “party for a purpose” and bring awareness to RESOLVE’s mission. Past Hope Award honorees include USA Today, Starbucks, Bill and Giuliana Rancic, The View, USA Today, National Public Radio, Self Magazine, CNN Anchor Alisyn Camerota, First Response ®, The Bob Woodruff Foundation, and the American Society for Reproductive Medicine.

Ummm, and somehow little old me fits in here!? This is truly an honor!

So the hubs and I are off to NYC this weekend to celebrate how God has blessed me with this platform and how in the midst of the trials, He truly has brought joy.

James 1:2-4: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Welcome to the holiday season! (OMGEEEEE!) Cue all the holiday hoopla! Whether you are a Thanksgiving first then Christmas sort of person, or an “I’m-thankful-for-Christmas!” celebrator, we all know this time of year is pretty crazy. I thought I would share a few of my favorite things in my world that may help you not only survive the holidays, but also thrive with ribbons and glitter!

1. O Come Let Us Adore Him – an advent devotional – by Paul David Tripp. Full disclosure, I haven’t read this yet! But I have another devotional by the author and am blown away. I love having a specific devotional for advent each year (Waiting Here for You by Louis Giglio has been a past favorite!) and it helps me focus on the real reason we are celebrating the Christmas season. These books tend to sell out fast on Amazon (or the prices get jacked), so if you are looking to do something this advent season, now is a great time to snag one!

2. Holiday Survival coffee by Mama Java. I grabbed the snickerdoodle blend because, well, YUM. My house basically smells like heaven. One thing I love about this coffee is that it’s good hot or cold, rewarmed or room temp. Plus I like helping women started and run businesses!

3. Ebates.FRIENDS. I have told you before, if you are shopping online AT ALL, and not using ebates, you are literally throwing away free money. Use this linkChelsea’s linkand sign up and once you make a $25 purchase, you’ll get $10 cash back free! Then start on ebates.com before going to your shopping website destination and you will literally make a % back of your sales. It seems too good to be true, but it’s not. Then share your referral link with your friends! GO. SIGN. UP. NOW. I mean it!

4. Hanna Andersson Jammies. I love nothing more than comfy pajamas and even better, Hanna Andersson offers matching pajamas for the WHOLE family, dogs included! (Here’s ours from last year!). Snag some jammies for your crew during a sale and enjoy a fun new tradition! Plus they are the most comfortable pajamas in the whole world and nearly all my kiddos wear.

5. Fir Candles. I think anything is better when you have the mood set by scent. I love this Festive Fir candle from Target and nothing smells more like Christmas than when there’s a light aroma of pine in the air! (Also a super cute hostess gift for holiday parties!)

6. Something new for you! I know, right now is the time we buy for others, but I have found if I have 1-2 thing I LOVE to wear, it makes getting dressed + out the door for errands a ton faster! I recently learned of a super cute boutique on Instagram (hello free shipping!) called@DrixBoutique.I got this cute poncho top there which has been a go to for traveling, hitting up farmers markets, and running errands. It’s effortless, comfortable, and I want it in every color! You’ll have to check them out!

Could you, or someone you love, use $10,000 to put towards fertility treatments? Are you interested in winning this grant by simply sharing your opinion from the comforts of your own home, in your sweats and without having to make a video or jump through any hoops?

If the answer is YES, keep reading!

FertilityIQ is currently giving away one $10,000 grant that can be used towards IVF or another fertility treatment and entering to win it is simple:

Complete this anonymous assessment form on your experience with your doctor and clinic. What did you like? What didn’t you? What details can you provide to someone who is searching for the right fit for them?

After you complete your assessment, send in proof that you were indeed a patient to the email provide at the end of the assessment. (Think a screenshot of a portal log in, or forwarded email, or photo of a protocol sheet. Nothing confidential!)

THAT’S IT. You are entered and come October 13th, you could be receiving an email that will change your life, or someone you care about, forever.

(Can you imagine being able to GIFT this to someone? Tears.)

These assessments are your way of giving back to the infertility community. It’s like having coffee with a girlfriend who has the inside scoop. When someone is looking for that next step, they come toFertilityIQto read these assessments and make the right choice for them.

And, there’s also another way to win $2,500 by simply acting as a referrer! If you share about this contest with your friends who may be able to provide an assessment too, and they win after citing you are their referrer, then you get $2,500 to spend at your discretion! SERIOUSLY.

Today’s last and final What It’s Like post is written by me. And it was a doozy. It’s hard to articulate what it’s like to stand on this side of infertility, but here’s my best attempt. It’s beautiful and joyous and messy and hard and confusing and wonderful and transforming and glorious and challenging.

Beating infertility has meant being overwhelmed with gratitude. Jesus answered our prayers in His perfect timing. It’s humbling, really, because I am no more deserving than someone else still waiting. It makes me stop routinely, as in hourly, and thank the Lord because they are here. Kirsten and Logan are here. They are ours. They are tangible answers to prayers. We somehow got through the storm and while there was damage done, we survived. We get to rebuild.

Beating infertility means I parent different. Not better, but different. Late nights rocking a crying teething child provide me opportunities to thank Jesus that I have a child to soothe. I try to savor the little moments more. I don’t take these times for granted because I know not everyone has them, no matter how hard they try. I appreciate these miracles in a deeper way. The feeling of them in my arms is intensified because I remember too well what it was like not to have them in my arms.

Beating infertility has increased my heart of compassion for the infertility community. I now shop in the newborn section and I remember all the times I passed it with tears in my eyes, wondering when it would be my turn. I cringe when I hear a Happy Mother’s Day commercial, knowing while I now get to celebrate it, too many don’t and ache to. I scan the rows at church during a baby dedication, looking for the couple whose hands are tightly folded together, with tears in their eyes, and I pray for them. I dislike events centered around children. I constantly wonder who is pained by it.

Beating infertility has taught me I can be happy and sad at the same time. I can celebrate the birth of my children and still remember the due date of our three miscarriage children. There are moments I see Logan scrunch his nose and wondering if one of his siblings would have done that too, or if Kirsten would have had a sister with little curls in her hair too. Joy and sorrow aren’t mutually exclusive emotions and I’ve learned to give myself permission to feel both.

Beating infertility reminds me God is faithful and has His own timing that I will never understand. I don’t know why it took us nearly a decade to get here, but the process has made me trust His goodness despite our circumstances.

Beating infertility has laced my relationships with feelings of guilt. I have “graduated” while others are still waiting and heartbroken. I struggle to find the balance of answering how our family is doing without spewing out too much joy in their faces. I have children. You don’t. I want to talk about them. I know how much this hurts you. I am so sorry. I’m still navigating this. What is a good balance and why don’t I remember the “right” things to say?

Beating infertility also means dealing with shame. There’s shame when I am tired and frustrated and need a time out from my kids. There’s shame I feel anything but gratitude when this is what we prayed for. There’s shame to ask others for help, because this is what we wanted. There’s shame in admitting motherhood isn’t as easy as I thought.

Beating infertility gives us a heart to pray regularly for those who need our prayers. We wouldn’t be here unless it was for the community of people who gathered around us and prayed for these moments. Someone came up to me today and asked if my husband was Josh. When I said yes, her eyes filled with tears and she said “I don’t know you, but I have been praying for you for years.”

THIS.

It’s taught me to pray for people that don’t know I am praying for them. I get to be a part of their team without them even knowing it. I get to be a part of their story and watch God work.

Beating infertility has complicated my identity. For years I was that infertile girl. Now I am a mother. I am now responsible for two little lives. I have had to learn in a 180 degree manner how to be completely unselfish. I have had to give up things I love for two little ones I love more. I am the best version of myself and the worst version of myself. I at times miss the things I used to have time for, yet wouldn’t change my life for anything. I am still trying to figure out how to be Chelsea when all my roles and duties have shifted.

Beating infertility causes me to wrestle. I wrestle with emotions that come with someone’s pregnancy announcement, even though I have had one myself. I still have to suppress the cringe when someone says they got pregnant without even trying. My heart aches at baby showers, wondering who in the room is hurting, struggling with infertility or secondary infertility. I don’t know if I will ever “get over” the tenderness. I still am uncomfortable.

Beating infertility has made me cherish the hard times. A 3 a.m cry is music to my ears. We have babies in the nursery. A difficult c-section recovery, complete with the need for a second surgery, was embraced, because it meant I had children. A baby with a cold is a gift. I am the one who gets to comfort her and sit in the steamy shower with her. It takes me way too long to get out of the house (and entails so much sweat), but I get to walk around Target with my children. They are here.

Beating infertility has taught me to my need to trust God as a parent. I have to admit, our infertility journey causes me to resort quickly to feelings of anxiety and fear when it comes to worrying about the future. The emotions of grief and loss threaten to steal my joy and I am afraid I am going to end up back there. Because of this, I have had to put into action the commands of Philippians 4:8 and spend my time focusing on “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, excellent or praiseworthy…”.

Infertility tried to break me. I can truthfully say there were so many days I didn’t think I would be here, yet here we are. I am finally a mom on this side of heaven. Thank you Jesus for Kirsten and Logan!

“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19

Hi! I’m Chelsea, creator of this blog, Trials Bring Joy, and co-author of ‘In the Wait’.I’m a Midwestern girl who loves connecting with others about infertility, motherhood, and living authentically. I’ve been married to Josh for double-digits years and recently welcomed twins, Kirsten and Logan, to our family after nearly a decade of waiting and loss. I love a good cup of coffee, a cozy bookshop and mindless reality TV. I co-authored a devotional called My heart finds joy in untangling the trials in life and allowing God to help me find beauty every day. You can connect with me on Facebookand Instagram @chels819. I absolutely LOVE connecting with each of you!

I’ve cried so many tears while reading all of the amazing stories that people have shared over the course of this What It’s Like series. However, today’s post written by Alex choked me up in a different way because laced in her pain breathes so much Jesus. Her words blessed me because of how genuine and vulnerable they are. I know they will you too.

Alex, thank you so much for sharing your story and relationship with Jesus with us.

And that was it, she took her last breath. At 4:54 PM on May 11, 2013, I held her cooling body in my warm arms. Heartbreak filled the room, and the silence was deafening. It was in those moments I knew this wasn’t the end, even though it felt like it. Our story would continue; but how?

Our heart for adoption was fueled by a calling. Way before we even got married. It spans back to my childhood when I knew I wanted to adopt. A year and a half after we lost Noel, our daughter, we pursued our calling.

We excitedly went through the process with an agency in Tulsa, OK. After much prayer and reflection, we felt at peace with our decision. We were picked unexpectedly quickly and were thrown into a whirlwind of classes, books, legal papers etc.

I remember receiving the phone call that we were chosen. We were driving to Grimaldi’s to celebrate my 27th birthday. That phone call was the best birthday present.

That summer, 2015, we spent it up in Tulsa, OK with the agency and our birth-mom. She was due beginning of September. So, we only had about 3 or so months until she was born.

The day finally came and she was here. And boy was she perfect. From every single hair on her head, and let me tell you it was a lot, to her perfect little baby toes. I loved her the moment I saw her.

I loved her as my own. I was finally able to parent on this side of heaven. We changed diapers, had late night and early morning feedings and called her ours. Her healthy cry was music to my ears, and her round cheeks were the perfect size to kiss. I never knew how quickly you could fall in love with someone who has never heard your heartbeat from the inside.

6 days after we took her “home”, our birth-mom changed her mind. With tear-stained cheeks, we said our goodbyes and drove back home to Texas, empty arms again.

I vividly remember one conversation with our birth-mom. I told her that at any point in time, if she ever changed her mind, it’s okay. I know what it’s like to have to give a baby back, and to live without a piece of your heart.

We were never mad at her.

Feelings of disappointment and discouragement and doubt filled our minds.

Did we hear wrong from God?

Why? Why are we left with aching arms again?

How could you let this happen God? You knew the final outcome.

I remember my heart being so severely shattered. It felt like it would never be repaired from back to back to back losses. (Our daughter dies, we find out we are infertile, then we experience a failed adoption.)

One day after sobbing on my white, not so white anymore (thank you waterproof mascara), pillow, I cried out to the Lord. I told him how disappointed I was, how he let me down, how I felt forgotten and forsaken. I cried until my head was pounding and my loud sobs turned into quiet whimpers. He very tenderly told me, that he knew all of this, he just needed me to be vulnerable with him and to come to him whole heartedly, so we can move forward, together.

It took another year and a half, 2017, until our Liv Noel was born, our rainbow baby via artificial insemination with a donor sperm. During those early months of waiting I pressed into the Lord without abandon. I saturated myself in everything that was true. I wanted a relationship so deep with the Lord that no one could touch it. I made a choice. I could either blend in the desert, or bloom in it. I wanted my valley to be green and lush, full of life, and vast with love.

Walking the road of a failed adoption was never an experience we thought we would encounter. But through it our marriage is stronger, (cliché but true), my relationship with the Lord is on a completely new level, and I am who I am today because of it, and I like the Alex I’ve fought so hard to become. (Now I would tweak a few pounds here and there, ha ha!)

Alex is a far west Texas girl who enjoys weekend getaways, quality time and a good chocolate with sprinkles donut. She’s been married to Caleb for 6 years and has 2 daughters. Noel, their angel baby, and Liv their rainbow baby. Alex thrives off of coffee, dance parties with Liv and of course Jesus.

PS – Don’t miss a thing with this series! Follow along on Facebook and Instagramto catch each of the upcoming stories! I absolutely LOVE connecting with each of you!

PPS – If you’re ever looking for a devotional on living life while in a waiting season, check out the devotional I co-authored called ‘In the Wait’!

Last February, Danielle reached out to me and wrote: “I would love to work on writing about what it is like to be pregnant with a rainbow baby after miscarriage. I think there is a big misconception that once you’re pregnant and have made it farther than you ever have in pregnancy, that your life is just joyous and your fears are gone…I’m 21 weeks pregnant and still navigating the emotions behind this!”

Her emotions are so accurate to what many women feel after struggling with infertility and I love her willingness to share her story (and joy!) with us in today’s What It’s Like series. Danielle, thank you for your desire to share … and congratulations!

Five years of trying. Three surgeries. Three rounds of IVF. One miscarriage of two babies. One rainbow baby!

I should have been over the moon when we found out we were pregnant with our rainbow baby on our third round of IVF, but I had more anxiety and fear than happiness. This is me, being real honest!

The miscarriage I suffered wrecked me. It wrecked my world. It put me deeper into depression. Because let’s be real, I had been in different stages of depression since our first full unsuccessful year of trying to get pregnant. Throw in a failed IVF, and I was struggling. I lost interest in almost everything I normally loved to do, even run my small business. And my smile was empty and filled with frustration, loneliness and pain.

Going into our third round of IVF, I was completely, emotionally disconnected. I just went through the motions. Appointment, injection, ultrasound…repeat. We had 3 embryos remaining, 1 boy and 2 girls. One of the girl embryos is such a poor quality that our doctor told us to not even consider transferring her. We knew we wanted to transfer our boy and freeze the good quality girl for baby number 2 in a few years.

The morning of our FET in October, I was on edge and hormonal. My husband and I argued, and I told him lets just cancel it. After getting over myself, we got in the car and drove to our fertility center.

We checked in and were waiting in the procedure room when our doctor came in to discuss our embryos. (This is normal protocol after they unfreeze the one we chose ahead of time.)

The doctor proceeded to tell us that our good quality boy embryo, that we planned on transferring, did not survive being unthawed. I could immediately see the disappointment on my husbands face. The son he so desperately longed for, was gone. Our son we had a name for was no more. Our hearts sank and the tone changed. And I immediately started to think that this FET was just not meant to be. We had to quickly mourn the loss of him, and move on to the next embryo. It was such a strange feeling.

We were there, we had a girl embryo that was perfect quality, we went through with the transfer. Our doctor was always optimistic with our transfers, always reminding us to have hope and always blessed us with the symbol of the cross over us and declared us pregnant before we left. He is pretty special.

We went home, did the bed rest thing, and went on with life. I didn’t pay attention to any potential symptoms, and I was actually not a very nice person because I was prepared to hear bad news, or guard my heart from another miscarriage.

Friday the 13th, my nurse called and gave me the news, “You’re pregnant, yay congrats!!”

All I could do is laugh. In fact, I laughed for a good couple of days. I felt nothing. No symptoms, no moments of “oh I feel different”. NOTHING.

My HCG level was much better than last time, but I still did not want to get my hopes up until my next blood draw. I prayed for my HCG to get to a specific number for our 2nd blood draw, and God far surpassed that; my numbers tripled.

We went to our first ultrasound and saw the flicker of a heartbeat…she was really there! A baby. Our baby girl. She was the one meant to be all along. God knew exactly what He was doing.

My whole pregnancy, I was afraid to connect with my daughter. I was so afraid of a loss happening at any moment. I got anxiety and held my breath on my way to every ultrasound appointment. I even had fear of having a still birth. People would ask me how excited I was, and how amazing it must feel to have this miracle baby growing inside of me. Don’t get me wrong, it was absolutely AMAZING, and I miss the heck out of being pregnant; but all of a sudden having this new identity of being a mother-to-be, and no longer a 30-something infertile girl was a struggle for me to transition to. The assumption that a pregnancy after loss means pure joy, was not true for me.

Ava Marie was born on June 21 and the moment I heard her cry, I completely lost it. Tears of joy, relief, amazement and finally the feeling a pure joy! She was here. She is healthy. She is our rainbow after the storm. The most beautiful perfect rainbow.

Maybe we went through all of the pain to getting her, so I would feel the way I feel right now. She is what my heart needed. She saved my soul and brought me back to life. Hope never lost.

Danielle is a wife, mom, and business owner who runs Faithful Scents. God gave her a passion to spread His word and she doesn’t take the responsibility lightly and gives Him all of the glory. You can connect with her on Instagram at @faithfulscents.

PS – Don’t miss a thing with this series! Follow along on Facebook and Instagramto catch each of the upcoming stories! I absolutely LOVE connecting with each of you!

PPS – If you’re ever looking for a devotional on living life while in a waiting season, check out the devotional I co-authored called ‘In the Wait’!

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Welcome!

Hi! I’m Chelsea, a 32-year old gal from the Midwest, wife to Josh & mom boy/girl twins Kirsten and Logan and furbaby Cali. This blog is an extension of my brain, my heart and my life. After navigating a world dealing with infertility for over 9 years, I realized more and more that I am utterly in need of my Savior to survive. The infertility community runs deep in my heart and I want you to know you aren’t alone. Welcome to our story.