The Guys

Josh

Josh lost his mind circa 2009. We can’t pinpoint the cause of his meltdown – we can only look to the past for clues. As a pre-pubescent child attending overnight camp, Josh had a horrible accident in his pants. He was instantly quarantined and shuttled away in the dead of night, exiled to a distant land where he studied the art of meatitation. For 13 years he ate nothing but meat. His enthusiasm for and interest in dead-animal flesh has made him one of the best vegetarian cooks who cook for vegetarians who love meat tasting things, in the world. Today he shares this passion and skill with all of us, the benefactors of his carnivorous ways. Mike, Josh’s brother, has never forgiven him for his terrifying overnight camp experience, which on occasion leads to some serious brother tension in the kitchen. Josh now plays in a band called the Canon Logic.

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Mike

Mike was trained as a 17th century Scottish White Castle slider architecturalhistorian of the onion-steamed medium rare variety. Now he’s a chef? Or so he’ll constantly tell you so. Over, and over, and over, again… He is also known as Josh’s brother, or the brother who hasn’t completely lost his mind; some even call him “the brother who didn’t epically shit his pants.” Mike’s intolerable narcissism has sent shock waves through the peace and unity movement that’s gaining momentum on the Western tip of South Eastern Missouri; YES – the same movement that has tirelessly worked to revolutionize the way pork is slow cooked. “I dare you to spend more than 5 minutes talking to him, or should I say, listening to him talk about himself.“ – himself

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Clay

Having never cooked a day in his life, Clay spent two short hours helping The Brothers Green peel potatoes during a cooking event. Ever since, he claims that he is a prestigious chef whenever trying to swoon females. However, Clay is secretly in love with The Sister Greens. Sadly, Clay never made enough money, nor can he ever reduce the size of his cocktail weenie enough to be Jewish, to qualify as an acceptable suitor for the daughter of the Fathers Green. Fortunately for Clay, he was King ofthe Brothers Bullshit and managed his way in to the Family Green’s Passover dinners.

———————————————–Adam

Adam pitched his first (denim) tent in the changing room of a Macy’sdepartment store. It was that moment when he realized his true calling inlife: soft core corn…But things change and corn goes out of season. After a brief stint asthe adult performer Angelo Box, Adam found his true calling behind thecamera. With an impressive slew of beef jerkying-off skills on his resume,and multiple references to back up his camera-on the-cob talents, he waspromptly admitted into NYU’s soft core corn film school.

“Love is love and swag is swag but I’ll never buy orange juice.” -Adam

———————————————-Marc Marc is the only semi-stable member of the YuNork team, which is surprising given that got his start in the dangerous underground sport of chinchilla fighting on the northern tip of Ecuador. Ready for a career change, Marc joined 18 other passengers on a harsh journey across the sea in a homemade paddle boat. The YuNork guys found him floating near shore in the east river, and 16 hours later Marc was making six figures in the financial district of NYC. He has since invested obscene amounts of cash in a startup that holds the patent for portable skis.