Pages

Friday, May 10, 2013

The things I didn't know about motherhood that would make me cry

I knew I wanted to be a mother from the time I was a little girl and my sisters and I would play house and we would mimic our own mother. It just seemed like a journey that no matter how many other paths I would choose to take, it was the one that was a definite from the very beginning. Holding that baby in my arms for the first time was the most surreal moment I will never forget. It is the moment I knew I loved someone so much more than myself, it was the moment all my hopes and dreams were for someone else, it was a moment that I felt such fulfillment because I was someone's mother.

There were so many things I looked forward to and anticipated but I didn't realize seeing my husband fall head over heels in love with our newborn daughter would bring such absolute joy to my heart. I didn't realize those little fingers and toes would grow so fast. I didn't realize how much those little words, "I wuv you, mommy" and "you're the bestest mommy ever" would melt my heart. I didn't realize I would look so forward to those excited little faces waiting at the door and running to greet me from work everyday. I didn't realize I would want to pull their little sleeping self out of the crib or bed just to hold them because I missed them so much throughout the long work day or just wanted to absorb more of their short lived babiness. I didn't realize I would love and just want to bottle forever the childish conversations, the childish games, the childish walks, the childish coloring, the childish adventures, the childish innocence of life. I didn't know I would see the world in a whole new light through the eyes of my daughter(s) as she discovered the world for the first time. I didn't know I would be awed everyday to watch them grow and become their own people, to learn their way in the world. I didn't know being a mother would be my greatest journey in life.

I shared this a year or so ago on facebook but below is the poem I wrote about motherhood

To Be a Mother

To be a mother is to begin a journey of a lifetime that you will treasure forever
It’s drying toddler tears two hours past bedtime and up bouncing the other for hours in the middle of the night
It is getting to sing and dance again like a child
It is jumping with joy at pooping in the potty
It is reverting back to words like potty

To be a mother is to collapse into bed completely exhausted but wouldn’t have it any other way
It’s finding drawings on your dog and chicken somehow in your bathtub
It’s bathtimes, bottle feedings, story time, and bedtime routines multiple times in one night
It’s dishes piled on the counters, laundry climbing the walls, weird things growing in the bathroom
It’s looking at your poor husband, telling him he’s on the” to do” list, just towards the bottom

To be a mother is to reach the end of the week and wonder how you’re still functioning
It’s finding binkies in your pocket at work instead of pens
It’s getting home to find that your clothes are not put on correctly from pumping at work
It’s walking out the door with the kids and all their stuff to only realize you locked
everyone out of the house
It’s debating on skipping that shower for the second night in row and just spraying on extra perfume

To be a mother is to never have a moment to yourself but knowing all too soon they’ll be grown and you’ll have too much time to yourself
It’s forgetting what it was like to go to the bathroom in peace
It’s the minefield of toys that clutter your house and attack your feet on a daily basis
It’s waking up to a foot or a butt in your face
It’s getting every kind of body fluid from puke to poop on you at some point

To be a mother is stop yourself from complaining about how exhausting it is and reveal in the amazing gift from God that you have been given
It’s smiling whenever you think of your child
It’s wanting to always talk about your child’s latest accomplishment to anyone that will listen
It’s thinking my child has to be the best, the smartest, the cutest
It’s thinking you can’t wait to see who they’ll become when they grow up but wanting them to stay young forever

To be a mother is to feel an overpowering love like no other
To be looked up to as the superhero that you are sometimes
To want to protect your child at all cost
To want to hold their hands as well as their hearts forever
To want to stop the hands of time to cling to every precious moment

Happy Mother's Days, Moms! May your day be filled with happiness, love, and wonderful children!