KUFO's Fatboy Says TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN Is Too Much Cake!

I know that food metaphors are the province of lazy movie reviewers. Check the archives of every critic you’ve ever read, and start in their nascent period, before they achieved full-fledged professional asshole status – you’ll see at least 1 or 2 reviews built around the substitution of cinema for eating. It’s where clichés like “Eye Candy” or “Comfort Food” come from, from tired people numbed by pretty, mindless crap being poured into their eyeballs.
With that being said:
I used to be the kind of person who believed there was no such thing as “too much cake.” The concept was silly to a slovenly, melty person like myself. Tell Ron Jeremy there’s something like “too much sex.” Tell Stephen Hawking there’s something like “too much breakdancing.” “Preposterous!” they’ll say. “Ludacris Bridges!” Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is 151 minutes of truth to that lie.
Around hour one, I was pretty satisfied with this sugary cinematic confection. But then another cake was placed in front of me. And another. And another. And Another. And I couldn’t scrape off the frosting, or pick off the roses made of icing. I had to eat every last cake. Not piece of cake; Whole Cake. There was no milk to wash it down, no moisture of any kind to help ease the cake into my tummy. It was shoved down my throat like a rifle butt was behind it. It was fast, angry cake, stacked up, undigested in my stomach like Donkey Kong girders. At some point, I actually forgot what cake tasted like as I gagged on yet another mouthful of icing and sugar. Then the movie ended.
Criterion controversially added both The Rock and Armageddon to their collection in the 90’s. They explained by saying something like “These films perfectly capture a style of filmmaking that deserves to be represented and examined by those who appreciate film.” I want to say that Criterion can go ahead and replace those two with this, because Revenge is a movie that perfectly encapsulates everything that is Michael Bay. In a filmography that includes Bad Boys II and Pearl Harbor, this is Bay at his most masturbationally indulgent.
And yet, I won’t say that, partially because Criterion doesn’t give a shit what I have to say (neither did the Rep working the lobby once he found out I was in radio,) but mostly because this isn’t really a Michael Bay movie. This is Michael Bay making a cinematic mixtape out of James Cameron’s filmography. Roger Ebert wrote that The Rock was a movie built out of other movies. Revenge of the Fallen is built out of the earnest grandiosity and sci-fi goofiness of The Abyss, the mean-spirited, often degrading sitcom vibe of True Lies, the posing, preening evil of Terminator 2 married to the technical brilliance and horribly shitty pacing of Titanic. And those are just tonal and plot similarities. The shots themselves are often direct lifts that make you think Bay’s DVD/Blu-Ray shelf begins with C and ends with Ameron.
Shia LeBeouf returns as Sam Witwicky, an everyday doof with a girl (Megan Fox) way out of his league, on his way to college after spending a couple years hanging out with his alien robot car, (Bumblebee) with whom he saved the world from alien robot jets. (Megatron and Starscream)
The film opens with a beautifully disorienting action sequence featuring the Army working in tandem with The Autobots, (good bots) climaxing in an alien robot truck (Optimus Prime) parachuting out of a bomber and onto the face of wheeled alien robot thing blowing up Singapore for the Decepticons (Bad bots.)
An alien robot devil (The Fallen) wants to suck all the energy out of the sun , and so he sends alien robots to find a shard of the all-spark, last seen being shoved into an alien robot jet (Megatron) to kill him. They then shove their shard back into Megatron, which (logically) resurrects him.
Sam, aided by his pet Alien Robot car, enlists alien robots Stepin and Fetchit, aka Car Car Binks, to pick up John Turturro and his hairy bananahammocked ass (rethink your IMAX ticket now) to find an Alien Robot Jet (Jetfire) who will teleport them to Egypt where Sam can decipher the alien symbols infesting his mind after touching his All-Spark Shard. From there, he will find The Matrix of Leadership, which will help Optimus Prime defeat The Fallen, ensuring Sam survives to hump his girl on the hood of his pet car yet another day.
Other things that happen include everything.
Gay dogs dominating each other. An RC truck doing a Buscemi impersonation humps Megan Fox’s leg. John Turturro escapes being peed on but spends a considerable amount of time being dwarfed by Robotesticles. There’s mousetrap sight-gags. A camaro crying. A jet farting a parachute. A boy goes to robot heaven. A woman eats a bag of weed cookies and tackles ultimate Frisbee players. Green Day.
Some will read this and agree: This is simply a case of too much cake. If I want to see the everyman ascend beyond death to be visited by alien angels with the answer to life, the universe and everything, I’ll watch Ed Harris do it. If I want to see a stone killer slowly stroll at the camera as clouds of destruction billow, Robert Patrick is waiting on DVD. Revenge of the Fallen is a shortsighted pastiche of all Cameron’s worst clichés with pacing as smooth as the Transformers “Bionicle-crapped-a-box-of-razors-and-brillo-pads” designs.
Some will read this and think: There’s no such thing as too much cake, and this pussy is basically telling me that Michael Bay just made the best movie ever. The only thing better would be if the old British Jet-Robot with a walking stick sighs and says “I’m too old for this crap,” after totally kicking some Decepti-butt. Wait, that happens? Really? Well then, more cake, please.
Either reading is totally correct.
Bobby "Fatboy" Roberts
Afternoons, 101.1 KUFO-FM
fatboy@kufo.com
www.cortandfatboy.com

...to put in your hatred of "Titanic" into a review of "Transformers II". What's the matter, still crying over that movie's success? Whoever the idiot who sent this in is, that sentence was when I stopped reading his verbal vomit.

This movie is going to make coin (yes, even you will likely donate to the cause) and they're going to make another one. The next one won't be as good as this one, but it will also make coin (again, even you will donate, even after remembering how much you hated this one).
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The only good thing is that we still have GI Joe coming to make this summer rule!!! (and you will donate to that piece of shit too...)

Burton's original "Batman" aside, its three sequels, especially "Batman & Robin" are what we got, when what we SHOULD have got as Nolan's "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight". This is the case with both Transformers movies. We're getting the big robot equivalent of nipples on the Batsuit, when what COULD HAVE BEEN is a fascinating sci-fi with unprecedented battles between titanic robots. Michael Bay and his cronies are only making money because the general moviegoing audience is too young to realize how cool these films REALLY could have been.

THANK YOU. People keep forgetting this. IT'S BASED ON A CHILDREN'S CARTOON. It's not supposed to be anything other then cake, and silly shit, and loads of action. THe film makers here aren't out to win best picture at the academy awards. It's a dumb, summer pop corn movie, and some people get so overly worked up over it.

If Bay is going to have robot testicles and farting, why didn't he just have Devastator stomp through a sci-fi convention, crushing fanboys, then shitting out a new Bayformer (they all look like piles of metallic shit anyway) that runs amok amongst the convention, targeting people who are either wearing REAL Transformer T-shirts or have an I.Q. above 50?

This is genius! I mean, let's face it, we're all kinda curious about how much entertainment we can eek out of movies like wolverine and Terminator: Salvation. Just buy a ticket to something that deserves money, like star trek or up. then go to the theater playing the movie u want to see. Genius idea daggor!

Yeah, so what? No excuse for shitty moviemaking. And by shitty, I mean, as a moviegoer, I'd actually like to have a coherent plot or be able to tell if the metal shit I'm seeing wrestling around is a good guy or bad guy. If I reach for my popcorn in this popcorn flick, if I so much as blink, I miss a critical shot and become lost all over again. Toy or not, this movie is so poorly made it doesn't even qualify as a bad popcorn movie. It's just a pile of shit.

Fatboy Roberts? I remember this clown farting about various Star Wars boards back in the day - and talking equal amounts of crap there as well. He can say what he likes about Transformers 2, but did this dick just take ignorant stabs at Jim Cameron, and compare Bay's resume to his?<p> Now there's a lot you can say about Titanic, for and against, but that movie was flawlessy structured and paced, and to compare the pacing of it to Bayformer's lopsisded bloat, with its myriad of unnecessary nonsense, comedy subplots, and inappropriate fart jokes, shows a profound lack of understanding of film technique and consstruction. And anyone who gets on the politically correct soapbox and denounces True Lies as 'mean-spirited' didn't understand that movie at all. A whole different order to Bayformers' lowest common denominator garbage. <P>Fuck off, you fat bastard. Don't darken these doors again.

..to people championing and defending this movie, because it's 'for kids' and a 'summer movie', then actually seeing it and realize that they've been defending what will undoubtedly win the majority of "Worst Movie of 2009" votes. Please, for your own good, see it before you sell it. Or the people around you will stab you many, many times.

<p>. . . at least consider that: 1) watching too many movies, and when you're not doing that are 2) playing TOO many video games and when you're not doing that are 3) skateboarding, 4) going to the mall, 5) relieving yourself in some form online, and [my favorite] 6) was frustrated going IN TO the "my precious" advanced screening (yeah, you know the one that you NEEDED TO ATTEND SO THAT YOU COULD THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN THE MAJORITY OF THE POPULATION . . . etc., ad nauseum (I think I may have profiled the average hater of this movie, which the majority of the public still needs to see -- more on this later) WILL you at least CONSIDER that your bias simply doesn't match the majority of moviegoers who simply want to be entertained and have their kids have a little fun for a few hours before they need to make the next mortgage payment or see their hard-earned income drained to pay for some lazy f*&k who has managed to swindle the government into believing said f*&k's laziness is a bona fide medical condition that's his kryptonite for work?</p>
<p>What do these few advanced pi$$-on and $hi7-on reviews do for those of us who still realize these summer films are for entertainment (and can still tell the difference between those and throw-away B-movies?). Nothing. Nothing when the film hits # 1 at the box office and you don't hear this same majority taking to the streets Iran style yelling, "Revenge of the Fallen raped my childhood! Revenge of the Fallen raped my childhood!" (strong word, by the way, "rape" and I have no idea why some of yous use it so casually with regard to identifying a film that, simply put, did not jive with you. You hated it. I get it. WE get it. You gotta say "rape" in your rant? Get some class.</p>
<p>These "hate" reviews on films most of us have been waiting to see for ourselves, cripes . . . really, REALLY smacking BBQ smells of "c-o-n-spiracy." C'mon, tell us, too, if you're being paid off. A little more honesty from some of yous, please. I thought your average AICN posteur was against conspiracy.</P>
<p>Eh? What's that sound. Oh, I hear it. I can hear me being called a, what is it? Ah, yes, the ever-go to, articulate "douche bag." Among other things. Yawwwwwn. Have at it (makes you feel better).</p>

...Is whether it has a enough action. It sounds like the pacing is definitely not good. So, that's a problem. Nothing wrong with cake. There may be a problem with racist cake. But one thing I can't abide by is racist cake that doesn't fulfill on the promise of lots of balls to the wall action.

But is this good excess? For example:
A movie with too much cake that is AMAZING..
...Tony Scott's The Last Boy Scout! Love that film. But the writer of that film was an "adult" (Shane Black is a beast). And Tony Scott is one of the best pop directors working. Bay generally chooses weak scripts but always delivers the action. I can forgive a weak script if there's lots of action since that's all I'm looking for from a Transformers film. But if he decides to focus on lame jokes and poor characterizations as well as adding all this Mudflap Step N' Fetchit shit well then I'm out!

why AICN has "reviews" by a radio dj's comic relief sidekick. A review for cakes no less.
As someone who lives in PDX and USED TO LISTEN to KUFO, I find it comical that some of the "radio jocks" say they are no longer the "camaro and mullet" station. This is usually said by aging neckbeards who protest in front of comic shop to promote a superhero movie.
You know these aging neckbeards because they use 4chan terms "epic" and win" and "fail" to try and stay in touch with the "kids" and don't realize how embarassing it is or how creepy they are.
Here is a review of Transformers 2 in once sentence: Transformers 2 is a movie based a 1980's cartoon, directed by Michael Bay with effects by George "Star Wars" Lucas.

<p>Ok, so people with the it's a movie based on a kids cartoon need to find a better excuse to defend this movie.</p>
<p> First of all I enjoyed the first movie despite it's flaws and I will likely check this out because of that.<L/p>
<p>That said I don't understand how people will defend a shitty plot with "it's based on a kids show" or "it's a summer movie." Because frankly that's bullshit. Just because something is a "summer movie" doesn't mean it should get a free pass. If it has a plot that you can't follow because it makes no fucking sense and action that you can't tell what the fuck is going on because it was shot shitty, why does that get a free pass?</p>
<p>I am all for good summer action movies and I like a lot of the crap Bay has put out because that's what they are. There is a difference though between a good summer action movie and a shitty one. The fact people just uniformly say "it's a summer movie" is beyond stupid in my opinion. Of course this is even better when they haven't seen the movie</p>

SO many times, when a first movie has done well, the creators/writers/producers/directors go back to the well and dig too deep to try and top what they did the first time. <p>
We saw this with Highlander 2, Scooby Doo 2 and others. <p>
Surprisingly, Sam Raimi waited until Spider Man 3, but who knows what we'll get with #4. <p>
In keeping with the food analogies, I'd equate it with putting too much syrup on a pancake. After a while, you just feel your teeth start to rot away from the sugar. <P>
Star Trek got it out of the way with "The Motionless Picture" and gave us less is more, with Khan. I wish the studio powers-that-be would realize that sequel don't have to be over the damn top!

Seriously he did. The movie comes out in one of the worst summer movie seasons. This will destroy the BO he looks like a good director when that happened. He was so offended when the Island bombed that he decided to punish us by making these horrible movies that morons love and eat up. Face it Michael Bay won. All of you who didn't see the Island you're to blame for this!

Sounds identical to my reaction to the first one. I felt like I was overdosing on the visuals to the point I couldn't focus on anything, almost like having ADD. It's getting comedic how FX movies keep competing with each other based on quantity of CG rather than quality... so looks like this one is even more cluttered than the first?

So to say that Tutorro was dwarfed by testicles the entire movie is very misleading. The critcs really hate Bay. And they're mortified by the fact that everyone who buys movie tickets never listens to them. Muhahahaha.

The opening action sequence took place in Shanghai...
but anyway, i didn't read this guys review after that point, but gotta say that this movie does indeed suck giant swinging metallic balls. i honestly had a headache last night after seeing it, the only good part was that i got these tickets for free.

what, you were expecting Shakespeare? (obviously you were, because there are only two levels of quality in film: Bayformers and Shakespeare) . Why do you MENSA, Ivy League film snobs demand any sort of quality when watching movies? GET OVER YOURSELVES! <p>ITS ROBOTS FIGHTING! Well actually, its more like 2/3s wacky robot hijinks and a boy trying to bang a slut, but then its ROBOTS FIGHTING! well, i think thats what they are, they could be random piles of junk metal, but still: ROBOTS FIGHTING<p> you expect too much to have a popcorn movie with even a base level of intelligence, even though that has been done in a million or so popcorn movies before...<p> ROBOTS!!!!! Check your brain!

this whole movie has to be a joke by Bay on audiences. He's like a modern day ANdy Kaufman. Complete and willful disrespect of the audience. is Transformers really Bay's critique of modern man? He may actually be a brilliant artist.

...He might have been the "clown farting about various Star Wars boards back in the day", but you're the clown that remembers the "clown farting on various Star Wars boards back in the day... Me thinks your pot is equally black.
All I know is, all these talkbacks just pale before the might of DannyGloversDickBlood.
I miss my DickBlood.

"Free of the shackles of both Steven Spielberg's guiding hand and any even vague attempt at reality - 'Fallen' indulges Bay's excesses well past the point of reason to deliver the male teenage cinematic equivalent of snorting cocaine off a hooker's ass."

Really, I posted a few comments over on scifi wire about how sad it was that the mouth breathing fanboy dicktards couldn't get over how successful the new Trek is. Next thing i know I've got these no-life morons post about how Trek is a box office failure and commenting on my lack of grammar and reading comprehension. I'll never understand what these basement-nerds are thinking. Of and TF2 for the MFW no matter how bad it is!

The last word in last post's jubject line is supposed to be "Idiocracy". Otherwise it sounds like I'm making fun of the intellect of the same citizens of America that made Paul Blart a hity. Which I would never do.

So the film's like Homer Simpson in Hell, getting donuts shove in his fat face for eternity? BARF! I'm so sick of people defending Michael Bay and his shit films. "It's a movie about giant robots beating the crap out of each other, it isn't supposed to be any good." What? Why not? Why can't I have a Summer movie that's both dumb and fun? (with an emphasis on fun, dammit!) This movie is apparently nothing but dumb, and loud. (and yes, I know it'll make a fortune because dumb shits like YOU will pay good money to see it take a dump on your face!)

you suck and the rest of the neckbeard afternoon zoo crew at whats left of KUFO suck, get off the radio and off of the internet. A few weeks ago I attempted to give UFO another chance during the drive home. There was Bush/Palin jokes (hey the election was six months ago - their side lost and your side is just as stupid if not mores so) interspersed with shockjock-style neckbeard rants and after the break there was the promise of...get this "beer tasting with Aaron DurrHurr or something or another. Welcome to KUFO 2009 - where Entertainment Tonight meets Martha Stewart.

I do it all the time. That's how I saw the first Transformers movie. I don't think I'll even watch this one for FREE, either. (Maybe if you paid me for it, but I won't hold my breath for that!) If people keep paying to see shit like this, that's all the studios will give us. Why make a good Wolverine movie when people will pay to see a shitty one? Same thing applies here. Boycott Michael Bay!

I went to a screening last night for crew and some critics and the critics that were in the lobby near me were all talking about how they hated the movie and how stupid it is. Which is fine, except for the fact that we hadn't even gone in the theater yet. To be honest, I felt that this movie was perfectly fine for what it is. A lot of action, (and I would disagree with Massawyrm's review of the action: I thought it was much more discernible what was happening in this one than the last one.) Some of the jokes were funny, some weren't. Sam's parents were funny, the newly dubbed Car-Car Binks were not. However, I went in expecting a reasonably serviceable plot that simply strings one action scene to the next and some good action and that's exactly what I got. I would give it a 7/10. For those people who are obsessed with Transformers, maybe they'll feel differently. I grew up in the 80s, I played with Transformers and GI Joes, and Ninja Turtles and all that, but guess what, I'm not a kid anymore. Get over it. It's a movie where robots fight each other. End of story. It'll make 500m at the box office and kids will love it, 35 year old guys who still live with their parents will hate it, and Michael Bay and all the rest will get rich off of it. And in three years, the same now-38 year old guys will put down another 12-15 bucks to go see it again so it gives them something to complain about. It's the circle of no-life.

No matter what this movie was going to make a pile of cash, but if it had been "great" this would be the movie people would want to see over and over all summer long. If Bay ever "nails" a summer movie and gets all the elements right he will top Titanic. Too bad this is not that movie : (

I can understand people wanting Batman or Superman or Spiderman to be a certain way. They're basically iconic American heroes/figures, whatever. But I don't get that people are disappointed that transformers is not a serious movie or they're portraying it the wrong way. Now that doesn't mean the movie gets to be crap, but these were just mid 80's toys that occupied your interest for what 10 minutes when you had them then you went on to the next thing. The movie is co-produced by Hasbro for pete's sake. It's primarily there to make money and sell toys. Again, that gives it no excuse to be bad, but to hold the concept or subject matter of transformers as sacred that should be handled a certain way is ridiculus.

http://tinyurl.com/lylca5 a simple google search shows the appeared a more than a few sites including themovieblog. Is this where we are at talkbackers where the rush to the obvious joke is now "the win"? If so I am headed to 4chan so I can hangout with the rest of the 30-somethings who still live at home and chum for child porn!

Well I think that Transformers was a very beloved series/film back in the day and it had some pretty cool themes and ideas for what amounted a "toy commercial" as people like to call it. There are some really epic moments in the cartoon movie, and cool sci-fi elements at work. Robotic aliens that can transform into vehicles is a cool concept in and of itself. So that's why. It could have been SO awesome and instead it is what it is. Which is disappointing to fans of the original CONCEPT.

HAHA YEAH I CANT WAIT TO READ HARRY'S REVIEW WHEREBY YOU HAVE TO SCROLL THROUGH 3 PARAGRAPHS ABOUT HOW AS A KID HE WOULD PLAY WITH TRANSFORMER TOYS WITH YOUNG BILLY JIM WHO DIED IN A CAR CRASH YEARS LATER. THEN UPON RECALLING THIS MEMORY HE BEGAN TO SOB IN THE THEATRE AND HAD TO BE WHEELED OUT AND COME BACK FOR A LATER SHOWING AFTER HE HAD GOTTEN HIMSELF TOGETHER. OR HOW HE CALLED SOME RANDOM PERSON AT 2 IN THE MORNING AND DISCUSSED THE MOVIE UNTIL THE BREAK OF DAWN. I REALLY DONT KNOW WHY I STILL COME HERE. OH WAIT YES I DO, ITS TO LAUGH AT THE NO LIFE TALKBACKERS WHO SPEND EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY ON HERE CRYING ABOUT MOVIES THAT ARE BASED ON CARTOONS. THERE I SAID IT.

Part three should be a 20 Million dollar art house flick where Optimus and Megatron meet in a coffee shop and have a two hour discussion about the fate of Cybertron, the rate of erosion of Michael Bay's septum from coke abuse and Megan Fox's wonky toethumbs.

Your first post was excellent! I am glad I am not the only one who thinks there are too many film snobs out there...the thing that I think we have all forgotten is that perfection is indeed in the eye of the beholder. One man's crap is another man's treasure ect... so the real question is…what has made these reviewers SO damn opinionated? I think a qualifier of sorts for reviewers would be stating the movies they love so we can get an idea of why their current review would be either good or bad according to them. IE: “I love The Notebook, Twilight, and Mean Girls---thus I hate Transformers 2 ect…” VS. “I loved Transformers, Terminator Salvation, Speed Racer, ect… thus I loved Transformers 2” It would at least make more sense in giving the reader some perspective as to a reviewers inherent estrogen level.

The film was really panned here in the u.k by some of the critics but hey what do they know! Thought the films main prob was its length. For the first hour/half it rolled on quite nicely but the end battle in egypt went on so fuckin long no one gave a shit who won by the end of it..oh and it might be just me but what the fuck happened to jazz..did he die in the previous movie (bad memory) coz i didnt see him anywhere..and those 2 annoying jar jar robot clones sucked 2..still some of it worked..particulary the forest fight..megan looks shit hot as ever and turturro had more to do this time around and some of it was actually quite funny in places. Bay need to tone down transformers 3 - optimus prime gets a blow job and bring it back smaller scale so you can actually see the sodding robots!

Yes it is the same Fatboy from the top-level messageboards at starwars.com. One can find him these days at his new boards at www.struttingrug.net which I gather is support group for epileptics, aspergers, and furries who make believe they are robots on the internet. For those who don't know our friend Bobby Roberts here, and I'm using today's hot catchphrases here was best known for hulking out and shitting his pants on starwars boards netwide. Until of course he had to "leave" them boohoos :( Now how about some jokes to lighten things up? Q: What did Jason Ward say to Amanda Crosson before having intercourse with her? A: "In after Art Douglas LOL". Q: What did Art Douglas say to Amanda Crosson before having intercourse with her? A: "In after Nor Cal Hella WOOT!"

I feel so ripped off. I thought I was at the coal face when KUFO broke Car-Car Binks to the interweb and we were all here for "the win". Turns out I was played. All those years on AICN for this moment and it was a lie. Thanks WireFu for being the sentinel for us all. We were almost duped on such a huge issue. In future I am going to Google Search every phrase I read on the internet just in case someone has ever typed it before.

All these negative reviews are interesting reads...they always are on this site...but they have no bearing on whether or not I plunk down my bucks to see this film. I'm gonna see it tomorrow night, and make up my own mind. If I stayed away from all the movies that you numbnuts call bad, I'd hardly ever get to see anything...I'd be locked ina basement somewhere watching old worn out VHS copies of movies that I don't give a shit about. So keep pandering all of your negative waves, because that won't change anything. If you want cinematic excellence, then go watch Fellini or Kurosawa. If that's what you expect from these summer flicks then you need to re-evaluate what you're doing. For a special effects junkie like myself-which I have no shame in by the way-this movie will be fun to watch and worth the time. It's also fun to see these movies make major dollars while you sit around trying to convince people of how bad they are and why they shouldn't be seen. If you can't stand the heat, then stay out of the theater. Here's one for you...Lucas didn't ruin STAR WARS, Lucas and Spielberg didn't ruin INDIANA JONES, Shia La Beuf isn't a bad actor, and G.I. JOE will probably be a fun movie. Now, go back to your rooms, put on your crappy BUFFY dvd's and beat off till your tiny limp dicks bleed. Maybe then you'd be happy!

packydack you know before them it WAS the mullet and camero station. Now, bitch about them all you want, but you can't deny they brought to the station the geek flair that gets people to listen about things we care about. They had a Keene Act protest march for Watchmen. The have Dude Parades where everyone dresses like The Dude to go watch The Big Lebowski. I'll admit George Bush Boy President was lame its entire run, but you KNOW if we didn't have them there would be some douche prattling on about how he wants to bang Amy Lee. Fatboy isn't perfect but in the dying arena of radio he talks about things I'm actually interested in daily. Besides if nothing else thanks to Cort and Fatboy I got to see Big Trouble in Little China at the Baghdad for free.

To those of you who feel compelled to criticize this film for Devastator's balls, the tard-twins or even Remote controlled pesci... You are being played, alot of what Bay is doing is firmly (and intentionally) tongue in cheek, but think about this for a second, most of you may be TOO slow to get the joke. I found the action to be pretty damn easy to follow, I thought it was nice that Optimus actually grew a pair (figuratively speaking.....I mean come on, he kills one decepticon execution style and what he does to The Fallen is illegal in 48 states and would at least be frowned upon by The Geneva Convention) all the crude humour is aimed squarely at "the juvenile moviegoing public.) So before you over analyze it you may actually try to get in on the joke....I did and I rather enjoyed the ride.

I watched the movie in the UK lsast Sat...dreading it after watching the 1st movie, hearing what Harry and "crew" had to say...so expected to hate it...I laughed and had such a good relaxed time with the movie it wiped the floor with the pretentious crap the new Star Trek was...the difference was Star Trek "pretended" to be Star Wars....uh-uh...failed....but passed as a mediocre Star Wars prequel...Attack of the Clones was better - I mean come on....that green alien in Star trek?? Crap. Crap. Crap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Transformers 2...without the prejudice of Aint it Fat obese bed ridden news??? A fun unnbiased rollercoaster I had a blast - recommend it to everyone.....rebel against the fatness....

I liked The Rock as much as the next guy, but if you can't "get" a bay film, what must your day be like? Waking up to the smell of your own feces. Washing it off with your own urine (hey, it is RIGHT THERE, why not?). Eating any leftover poo not washed away or tossed on the wall for breakfast. Putting on your velcro clothes (buttons is hard) and waiting for the tard van to pick you up for your job corralling grocery karts.
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Some of you cocksuckers have no fucking standards whatsoever. As far as TF2, I will pospone judgment until I have downloaded it. Because paying for suck makes YOU suck. This is a truth.

you apperently like the Star Wars Prequels, Indy 4, Transformers, and probably GI Joe. hahahah what big budget movie could you possibly dislike with standards that low? is there any amount of shit you wont happily gobble down as long as it cost more than a 100 mil? did you love Batman and Robin, too? how about The Spirit? anything? Jesus Christ you are the reason shit movies get made. congrats.

i had no idea. the jokes were tongue in cheek? aimed at those with the lowest possible brain cell count? no shit. it still sucks and its not funny. Kids will laugh at their own farts for hours on end, but I dont have to grin a bare it in a movie looking for a broader audience. A capable director could entertain kids and adults in the same movie. its really not that hard, unless you are Mikey Bay.

So far this summer I have seen only ONE film that I really despised-LAND OF THE LOST. NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 sucked pretty hard as well. WOLVERINE could've been a whole lot better, but it was okay, and I've really liked STAR TREK, ANGELS AND DEMONS, TERMINATOR SALVATION, UP, THE HANGOVER, and DRAG ME TO HELL. What the fuck's the matter with you people...you afraid to have fun at a movie? Here is where the problme lies, at least a great deal of the time. There are those who go to movies with expectations high, and that is little more than a set up for a fall. I knew when I saw WOLVERINE that it wasn't gonna be like reading the comics...I took it for what it was. The fact of the matter is that the studios can't afford to make films that ONLY appeal to the uber-geeks, because we're not the ones who make up the vast majority of the film viewing public. It's fucking AWESOME when a filmmaker hits one out of the park, like last years IRON MAN and THE DARK KNIGHT. But that ain't always the case. In fact it's fairly rare. So do yourselves a favor, leave your mega-expectations at the door-you'll have a much better time. And don't try to come on this site and these talkbacks trying to sound like you're so fucking special that everyone is going to pay attention and buy into your petty ass viewpoints. To me, they're little more than mildly amusing and certainly not worth making a decision over. With TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN, I'm certain that it will make mega-money, and your insults about Michael Bay and his filmmaking acumen will fall on deaf ears. He's the one making the movies, not you. That oughta tell you something.

the dreaded "you dont get it" defense. i can understand that arguement with a shit movie like one of the Matrix sequels, at least they had the illusion of complexity, but a Bay movie? Who on Earth doesnt get a Bay movie? oh, i 'get it', and its sucks shit through a straw.<p>worse than the "turn your brain off and like it!" and "what were you expecting, Shakespeare?" defenses combined.

why does anyone over twelve want to see a Transformers movie? Or a G.I. Joe movie? Or a Speed Racer movie? Time was that big Hollywood pics were not borrowed from cildren's toys and cartoon shows. They might be inspired by the tone of classic serials or draw their inspiration from comic books, but they weren't based on fucking toys. The movies that were based on fucking toys, like Masters of the Universe, were geared towards young viewers with a hope for a certain crossover audience. Now it's all about selling kiddie shit to the intellectually and emotionally stunted.
<P>
Grow up, people. And bring Bay and Sommers with you.

Im afraid to have a fun time? i have fun at good movies all the time. Last year was a great year for summer movies, TDK, Ironman and others. are you afraid to have standards? of having some expectation of quality? Are you really happy to go watch any pile of shit no matter how bad, knowing better movies could be made by more talented people if these movies died? I wouldnt want to wake up in the morning if I had no standards. Do i have to have millions of dollars and Bay's directing experience to say that Transformers sucks ass? fuck no! i know i know, im just an ubergeek living in moms basement. wait, no im not!

I'll venture to say that I'm probably a lot olderthan many here, and I've been going to movies a whole lot longer than many of you. I notice how YOUR opinion...and those like it...are changing things. Like NOT AT ALL! Fuck you and all of your pent up negativity. I LOVED INDY 4, the SW prequels and a lot of other movies. And I was in line when the originals came out too. Yuo dickheads don't know half what you think you do. It would be interesting to get you and maybe ten others like you and put you in a studio for a couple of years to make what you think is good. It would be fucking hilarious, because I'll bet they would come out and fall down the crapper faster than PUNISHER WAR ZONE (which I enjoyed by the way). You can't please everyone all of the time...there's always someone out there ready to rip something to shreds with no reason other than to piss off the people who enjoyed it. There are very few films that have ever been made that couldnt have been improved upon in one way or another. But I think WAYYY too many of you go into films just looking for things to rip up and shit out, rather than trying to enjoy yourself first and formost. I guess I'm getting grumpy in my old age (47) but if I ever hears a pack of snot nosed punks dissing something in poublic the way you do on here, you'd need serious dental work afterwards.

After Harry (I think) made an off-hand reference to "Don't Make Me Destroy You", I immediately downloaded all of Geek Remixed, and later Geek Remixed II. LOVE THAT SHIT!!!!!<p>
I play them in the background for my semi-regular Star Wars RPG game. They make great mood music for role-playing.

¬This review is pretty on the money -
EXCEPT that want more cake.
For the few of you who have had the sex, you may appreciate this analogy better:
Yes you can have too much cake: especially when it's very sweet, like a butter-iced mess of starchy painfully sweet icing roses from a department store bakery;
BUT - When you get something that’s really really tasty - like a superhot sweaty beauty who rides you for all your worth, and its intense as all hell, and you think your head might explode - sometimes you go to this weird place - like..."maybe this sex is too good?" Then you get the fear. You get nervous that the really great sex is about to end, or worse, she suddenly does something that ever so slightly turns you off.
Now you're upset. Your upset because you were so peaked, and all of a sudden, one tiny little thing has soured the whole damn thing.
Does that really mean the escapade previous is now null and void? Does that mean you didn't just have the best sex of your life up until that point? Are you still not having the best sex of your life? Surely she's better than Janice? Right? I mean come on Janice looked like a horse, right?
So....
So sometimes the first time you get really fucked, you mind fuck yourself, blowing your wad to slightly lowered hyperdrive expectations of the impossible.
That said, I actually laughed through the whole movie.
Jetfire was, unfortunately, the unexpected and unwanted pinky in my ass.
As a kid Jetfire/Skyfire was my favorite…
This Scottish douche is the only massive misstep.
His purpose is clear in the end, but damned if I didn’t want to fast forward right thru his expository B.S.
Bay has a very dry wit, and incredible comedic timing. It's a comedy folks.
Chaplain would be gob smacked. His review is pretty on the money -
EXCEPT that want more cake.
For the few of you who have had the sex, you may appreciate this analogy better:
Yes you can have too much cake: especially when it's very sweet, like a butter-iced mess of starchy painfully sweet icing roses from a department store bakery;
BUT - When you get something that’s really really tasty - like a superhot sweaty beauty who rides you for all your worth, and its intense as all hell, and you think your head might explode - sometimes you go to this weird place - like..."maybe this sex is too good?" Then you get the fear. You get nervous that the really great sex is about to end, or worse, she suddenly does something that ever so slightly turns you off.
Now your upset. Your upset because you were so peaked, and all of a sudden, one tiny little thing has soured the whole damn thing.
Does that really mean the escapade previous is now null and void? Does that mean you didn't just have the best sex of your life up until that point? Are you still not having the best sex of your life? Surely she's better than Janice? Right? I mean come on Janice looked like a horse, right?
So....
So sometimes the first time you get really fucked, you mind fuck yourself, blowing your wad to slightly lowered hyperdrive expectations of the impossible.
That said, I actually laughed through the whole movie.
Bay has a very dry wit, and incredible comedic timing. It's a comedy folks.
Chaplain would be gob smacked.

Suppose each to their own!!! :D Green girls could be hot - if it weren'tfor the fsct the new ST movie werent so full of fake green fake and that the audience didnt yawn at the reappearance of Leonard Nimoy and or the audience gasp of confusion when they realiased the young Kirk was NOT the guy in the opening scenes

I come to this site for the movie news, inside info and spoiler stuff. Then I get a laugh out of reading these talkbacks. But not once has anyone here given a review good or bad thathas made me see or not see a movie. I make up my own mind based on what the film is about. I wait until after I see it to decide whether it's good or bad. As Far as PUNSHER WAR ZONE...it was a mega violent hoot, no classic but fun to watch. And when he's blowing the heads off the bad guys, I pcture people like you in there place, then there's even some satisfaction to it. Face it Smithy...and all of you other naysaying nitpicking anal sores...nothing ever is as good as you want it to be. You talk about THE DARK KNIGHT and IRON MAN...both excellent movies by the way. There were folks on here last years dishing out uber-shit about them as well. It's a never ending cycle. I don't always agree with others-that's the beauty of being an American. I don't always agree with the masses-TITANIC was only good AFTER they hit the iceberg! But there is a difference in how you judge success and how the people making the fimls do it. I've got some sad news for you, if you haven't figured it out already. These people are in it for the money. Very few operate on that artistic integrity level. That's not how things function in the filmmaking world, and things aren't gonna change anytime soon...and all of you who spend your time trying to come up with novel ways to insult films, filmmakers, and the people who view and enjoy their films, are just farting in the wind. Your stink lingers but for a moment and dissipates for all eternity. They are making a mark...not you. Like Heston said in PLANET OF THE APES..."Buy it, you'll sleep better!"

Dont be negative! Like ole Pinny say, "its all just a money grab anyway, therefore you should love it and give away your money!" Congrats on making up your own mind, but given that you like whatever is put in front of you, i doubt there is much of one to make up. Do you think i'm trying to change the world, or just express my opinion on just how fucking stupid this movie and the one before it is? Do you think your opinion here is changing anything? You think nothing is ever good enough for me? should i post a list of good summer blockbusters that have entertained me greatly? No, youre right if i hate a movie as pathetic as Bayformers then of course i hate every movie ever made.

I don't recall ever seeing you on a talkback before (and that's not an attack by the way, cuz I don't do it constantly either)so I don't know what movies you like or dislike. I'm not accusing you of dissing every piece of celluloid that flows through theater projectors. And yes, you are just as entitled to voice your views as I am. What I am saying here is that Idon't get why so many that post here are so fucking negative. All they want to do is try to piss in somebody's cheerios. You have to admit, it gets old. Let's take INDY4, for example. I liked it...but it's not as good as RAIDERS...nor did I expect it to be. I hope the next one that they apparently have in the works is more in tune with the first three. But I in no way hated INDY 4. Thetwo most recent films that I can say I hated intensely were the remake of THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL and LAND OF THE LOST. Now, as I said earlier, I am a big fan of special effects, and I know that going into TRANSFORMERS 2, I'm sure I'll at least get my money's worth in that department. I'm not expecting a great movie. That's it. I doubt it's the steamiong pile that so many of you here are saying that it is. You said that about INDY 4, and I didn't agree.
Ain't it cool!!!

Bay is doing it to push your buttons, just to see how truly bent out of shape he can get you, The whole kit and caboodle is a joke and you STILL DON'T GET IT!!! I'm laughing hysterically at all the people in here who portray themselves as intelligent level-minded movie goers on this site. News flash, this is a site for GEEKS, I'll admit I'm one myself, but here's the rub, I can actually let myself have fun, because at the end of the day, it's just a movie and Bay is still making copious amounts of money off of it. If you have a problem with that, go skulk back into your self-absorbed little corner of (so-called) humanity and watch the movies that you know will give you a geek chubby. quit balling and pull that huge stick out of your ass, you might enjoy life more. Swingin' Steel devastator balls FOREVER.

If the mark for which you're remembered is a skid mark like the TF movies, is it really something to be proud of? There are posts in this talkback with more significance than the first TF. In fact, I'll just Godwin this thread right now... "yknow, Hitler made his mark, too."

I'm a Bay fan and loved the first one. Alot of people hate Bay but I just don't get it. They feel like he ruined a movie based on cartoon robots from the 80's. How much sense does that make? If you feel like your childhood was raped then I feel sorry for you if Transformers was your entire childhood. I was a fan but I use to watch it to see robots fight each other and blow up shit. Now that I'm an adult I watched the first movie to see robots fight each other and blow up shit. You can guess why I'll see the new one.

Cake is perfectly fine. It is not good for you, but there is nothing wrong with eating it. Self-proclaimed film aficionados need to quit shouting from the soap boxes that all film must be high art. Movies, like all art, are meant to be enjoyed and I hate to break it to the high art crowd, but most people like fun, entertaining movies, not high art. That is not to say there is anything wrong with liking high art films, but quit preaching that that is the only type of film worthy to be made. Most people would disagree...maybe not here, but out in the real world.

i get great pleasure from taking shits on Bay and his stupid little movie. in fact, i dare say its the most fun ive had outside of Star Trek and THe Hangover this summer truly terrible summer for movies.

high art? are you kidding me? to look at this movie as horrible, one has to only love 'high art' films? I love, LOVE gigantic big budget movies, and I even love many farely stupid ones. Yet this is still shit piled on top of shit. It sucks on even the most base level. Im no 'film aficionado', i just expect a movie not to suck. this one does. Bayformers doesnt even deliver visceral, adrenaline pumping action! its just humor for 5 year olds mixed with quick cuts and bad acting. <p>what, was i expecting Shakespeare? no morons, i was expecting a great summer thrill ride. this aint it.

If you take such great pleasure in taking shits on Bay and his stupid little movie, then I dare say you must not have much of a life. The fact that you actually sat through The Hangover makes every other point and opinion you have invalid.

I haven't read any posts yet on this TB was just watching The TF Fallen after a couple of Darthweisers. I must admit.... It's big stupid fun!!!!! Shit Fucking Sakes... It's about big robots. Has about as much relevance as a Godzilla movie. Best enjoyed when looking for escapism.

.....HERE TAKE A BIG "FUCK OFF YOU PRICK!" FROM ME AND HAVE A NICE DAY. IF YOU EVER CONSIDER REPLYING TO ANY OF MY POSTS AGAIN AT LEAST TRY AND DO IT WITH SOME STYLE YER USELESS NO-LIFE FUCKTARD. THATS RIGHT I SAID NO LIFE AGAIN BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU AND A LOT OF OTHER SAD LOSERS ON THIS SITE ARE. I LAUGH AT YOUR ANGER.

I love that fucking movie!. Shave off twenty minutes and it's one of the great action films of all time. Okay, maybe that's a bit much, but I don;t get the hate for The Rock, just cuz it's Bay don't mean it's bad. Leave the Rock alone, fuckers, me likey!

READ WHAT I TYPED, READ WHAT OTHER LOSERS TYPE, RESPOND TO OTHER LOSERS, NO, CREATE AN ACCOUNT ON A SITE FREQUENTED BY LOSERS, AND REPLY TO SAID LOSERS, NEED I GO ON WITH YOUR HYPOCRISY? HOW CAN YOU TALK SHIT IN THE SAME BOAT? THAT'S LIKE MUDFLAP CALLIN' SKIDS BLACK