What do you do if your name is Mike Eiskant and you're a policeman in Santa Fe, New Mexico? Masturbate in your car, of course! While talking to pictures of big-breasted women and recording everything on your dashboard camera—for ten minutes, as this video shows.

A woman and her daughter is suing American Airlines and flight catering company Sky Chefs for one million dollars, claiming that their airplane food killed her husband. I would sue Sky Chefs for crimes against humanity and good taste.