The SOMM Journal

June / July 2017

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24 { THE SOMM JOURNAL } JUNE/JULY 2017
Dear Good Somm Bad Somm,
I recently had a guest bring his own wine into my restaurant
to enjoy with his dinner. As I opened and served each bottle,
a time consuming effort, he offered me tastes and asked my
opinions along the way. I was polite and thanked him for his
generosity. However, when the bill arrived, he pointed out
that he shared the wines with me and he refused to pay the
corkage fees. I was shocked. How can I better protect myself
in the future?
Sincerely,
Used and Abused
Dear Used and Abused,
A guest should never assume that just because he shared his
wine with the staff during the meal, the corkage fee will be removed.
However, you may consider removing a corkage fee if the guest
were to buy a bottle or two from your wine list.
Paying a corkage fee is standard in most restaurants but corkage
rules may vary, so to avoid any problem in the future you should
clearly communicate your policy to the guest verbally or in writing
on your list.
And guests should do their par t as well! It would be nice if the
guest were respectful of the work you have done to procure an
extensive selection of wines and not bring something you already
sell. They should also bring their bottles in an appropriate wine
carrier. Guests should also not pickup wine from Trader Joe's or
a local drugstore and hand it to the hostess in a brown bag. And
finally, it's not cool to pull out hidden bottles from under the table
during the meal.
Corkage is a drain on service, for very little revenue, so it's best
to keep things as simple and clear as possible.
Sincerely,
Good Somm
Dear Used and Abused,
First off, let me say that these "Corkage Cowboys" who bring
their own wine to restaurants are nothing more than pure parasites.
I know that sounds harsh, but let me put it in a way that most wine
industry pros can understand: People who bring corkage wine to
restaurants are exactly like creepy dudes who go to a strip club, sit
far from the dance floor, watch the girls, but barely even throw a
dollar bill up on the stage or pay for a lap dance. You all know the
guy I'm talking about. And the concept here is the same.
Corkage Cowboys want to come out to your restaurant, drink
from your nice glassware, have their wine poured from your decant
-
ers, soak up your ambiance and leave paying as little as possible.
They even want a somm to taste their wine and tell them how
"baller" it is.
Going back to the stripper motif: I don't make any money if
you hang out with me all night, stare at my ass, then go home and
masturbate.
And if you think you're doing anyone a favor by just having food
for dinner, you're wrong. With the cost of food going up, the cost
of labor going up and the cost of rent going up, food is almost
considered a "loss leader" in the industry. Beverage is really the only
profit-driver left!
That's why the restaurant business as we know it today is virtually
on the endangered species list. Restaurants—good restaurants—that
we all know are shutting their doors seemingly every other week
now and being replaced by low-end, casual, gastropub concepts
because it's just too expensive to run a fine dining house anymore.
And then you've got people who not only have the nerve to
bring their own wine to your place, but then try to weasel out of
paying the nominal corkage fee! These people don't care if you go
out of business. As soon and you go bankrupt and close, they'll take
their precious wines somewhere else and try to drain them.
In short: The best way to avoid a parasite is to keep your hands
clean of them. Don't taste anyone's corkage wine unless this person
is a wine customer who supports your program. Let him know:
I'm not gonna hang around here and jerk you off while I could be
shaking my butt on the other side of the room to some customer
who's buying. We don't dance for free.
Yours truly,
Bad Somm
Thank you again for the thoughtful questions. Hope you
enjoyed our answers, and with any luck you are receiving the
help you truly need. Follow us at @goodsommbadsomm on social
media and/or visit our page www.goodsommbadsomm.com