Monday, August 29, 2011

"Bad Ass Mofo": R. Lee Ermey

“I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.“ Gunnery Sergeant Hartman Full Metal Jacket

If you don’t know the name R. Lee Ermey you absolutely have to know his voice. This guy even though he is 67 years old and could still beat your ass, your daddy’s ass, and your daddy’s daddy’s ass. Mostly know for his angry ass role as Full Metal Jacket’s Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Ermey was not playing a role. This was what he used to do for real!

“You just survived intercourse with me!!!”

When I saw this movie as a kid I so didn’t want to join the military (ended up joining Army Reserve years later but that doesn’t count). I imagined every fucking guy looking and talking like him. And I don’t need that kind of stress in my life. He fucks with Vincent D'Onofrio’s character Gomer Pyle until the poor son of a bitch snaps.

“Oh that's right, Private Pyle, don't make any fucking effort to get to the top of the fucking obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?”

Before he gets killed by that psycho he actually sees him holding a weapon and continues talking shit to him. I mean, seriously. He never turns off. He walks into the bathroom and shouts: “What is this Mickey Mouse shit? What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are you animals doing in my head? Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights-out? Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon? Why aren't you stomping Private Pyle's guts out?”

He sees this and yells at it.

I imagine that Ermey is like this 24/7. Like, there’s not a moment he goes through the day not yelling at something. The sky. Air. Butterflies. Just a nonstop yell fest to which I would gladly enjoy hearing, but not being a part of.

“Whose wants ice cream?!?!”

Though he has been in kids films like Toy Story don’t let that fool you. Ermey will run you into the ground with exercise. Literally. You will become a part of the ground when he is done with you. You and Earth will be joined as one. I wish I could meet this guy the same way most people wish they could meet Jesus. It would be nice to see him but you know something bad had to have happened for it to occur.