Man divorcing his wife on his parents’ orders

Question

What is the shar’i ruling on a man divorcing his wife when his parents tell him to, on the grounds that this wife used to work for them as a servant in the past? Is this regarded as disobeying one’s parents? Please note that this wife currently lives an honourable life.

Answer

Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly the parents are those who are most deserving of
respect, obedience and kind treatment. Allaah mentions the command to treat
parents well alongside the command to worship Him as He says (interpretation
of the meaning):

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him.
And that you be dutiful to your parents”

[al-Isra’ 17:23]

Obedience to parents is
obligatory on the child with regard to that which will benefit them and will
not harm the child. With regard to that which does not bring them any
benefits or which will cause harm to the child, he does not have to obey
them in that case.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said in al-Ikhtiyaaraat (p. 114): A person is obliged to obey his
parents with regard to that which is not sinful, even if they are immoral
evildoers… This has to do with that which is beneficial for them and not
harmful to him. End quote.

Divorce with no acceptable reason is something that is hated
by Allaah, because it destroys the blessings of marriage and exposes the
family to destruction and the children to loss. It may also involve
injustice towards the woman. The fact that the wife had been a servant in
the past is not a legitimate reason for divorce, especially if she is
religiously-committed and has a good attitude.

Based on this, he does not have to obey his parents and
divorce his wife, and that is not regarded as being disobedient towards
them. But the son should express his refusal to divorce her in a kind and
gentle manner, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them
but address them in terms of honour

[al-Isra’ 17:23]

Shaykh Muhammad ibn
Saalih ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about the
ruling on a man divorcing his wife if his father tells him to do that. He
said:

If the father tells his son to divorce his wife, one of the
following two scenarios must apply:

1 – Where the father gives a legitimate reason why he should
divorce her and separate from her, such as saying, Divorce your wife because
her behaviour is suspicious, such as she flirts with men or goes out to
gatherings that are not decent and so on. In this case the son should agree
and divorce her, because he is not telling her to divorce her on the basis
of a whim, rather that is to protect his son’s honour from being besmirched,
so he should divorce her.

2 – Where the father tells his son to divorce his wife
because the son loves her, but the father feels jealous of his son’s love
for her and the mother is more jealous, because many mothers, when they see
that their son loves his wife, feel very jealous, as if the son’s wife is a
co-wife and rival. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. In this case the
son does not have to divorce his wife if his father or mother tells her to
divorce her. Rather he should be tactful with them and keep his wife, and he
should try to convince them with kind words until they are persuaded that
she should stay with him, especially if the wife is religiously committed
and has a good attitude.

Imam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about
this very issue. A man came and said: “My father is telling me to divorce my
wife.” Imam Ahmad said to him: “Do not divorce her.” He said: “Didn’t the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) tell Ibn ‘Umar to
divorce his wife when ‘Umar told him to do that?” He said: “Is your father
like ‘Umar?”

If the father quotes evidence to his son and says, “O my son,
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told
‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar to divorce his wife when his father ‘Umar told him to
do that,” the response to that is: “Are you like ‘Umar?” But you should
speak kindly and gently, and say that ‘Umar saw something which indicated
that it was in his son’s interests to divorce his wife. This is the answer
to this question which comes up frequently.

Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah,
2/671.

The Standing Committee
for Issuing Fatwas was asked about a mother telling her son to divorce his
wife for no reason or fault in her religious commitment, rather it was
because of the mother’s personal reasons. They replied as follows:

If the situation is as
described, that his wife is righteous and he loves her, and she is dear to
him, and she does not behave badly towards his mother, and his mother only
dislikes her for personal reasons, then he should keep his wife and stay
married to her. He does not have to divorce her in obedience to his mother,
because it was proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: “Obedience is only with regard to that which is right and
proper.” Based on this, he should honour his mother and uphold ties of
kinship with her by visiting her and spending on her, and paying attention
to her needs and making her happy and pleasing her in whatever ways he can,
apart from divorcing his wife.