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Complaining, Fussing and Whining

Posted by Lyette Reback on October 5, 2015..

“Do everything without complaining, do everything without arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure children of God.” – Philippians 2:14-15

I can hear the nursery song singing in my head even as I write that verse…a tape I had bought when my oldest three children were tiny…it would play constantly in the car, and the song really did help cut down on the complaining and the arguing. All I would have to do is start humming the first few notes, and the girls would look at me and cease their striving.

Sometimes, I wish more mothers knew that song.

Ladies, listen carefully to me.

I know this job has its challenges. I know there are days when the refining process of raising a child (children) can look more like a climb up Everest without oxygen…but we should never complain. Never.

Children are the greatest blessings God ever gives. They are meant to bring us joy. Make us laugh. And make us take a hard look at ourselves and continue trying to be a better example to them day by day. When we complain, it is not only heartbreaking to God, but damaging to our children and our marriage. Are there days we need help, wisdom or prayer? Certainly…in fact…every day! But complaining is NOT allowed.

[bctt tweet=”Children are the greatest blessings God ever gives.”]

I can’t count the number of times I have had parents look at me and say, “If you want another, you can take little Suzy here…she’s more than a handful and honestly she drives us nuts!” Every time, I am shocked to hear a parent blatantly disown their child right in front of the little one.

“Joey makes me crazy, I swear this boy doesn’t listen a bit!” Well, that is more of a commentary on the parent than the child. If his hearing is even adequate, then it is our follow through that is to blame. We only make a fool of ourselves and a mockery of God when we say things like this…

Then there is the more subtle form of complaining…the whining, the fussing, the fretting…by the parent, not the child! The “that makes mommy so sad when you do that,” or “it is so disappointing when you disobey me…” Instead of whining, let’s take action.

[bctt tweet=”Instead of whining, let’s take action.”]

No complaining folks. Smile, dangit! We know if something happened to our child, we would be heartbroken, so let’s treat them like the treasure they are. Speak of them like the precious gift they are! And when we are even tempted to complain, pray instead. Ask God to help us and give us the wisdom to handle the challenges we are facing with the children. And realize, that most of the time, it is meant to be a refining process FOR US!

Great post! I’ve really noticed the past couple of years that most of the time that women get together they complain! It’s become a habit….. I’ve been trying to break the habit but not doing as well as I would like! Thanks for the reminder and push! I’ve got a fanastic husband, awesome kids and amazing life! God is so good!

Oh Kelly, you are SO RIGHT! Sometimes we mean to get together and hang out and then without being intentional about our words we can become quite destructive with them! And it takes a strong woman to stop that train once it has left the station! Good point and one I will remember next time I’m in a crowd…try and steer the conversation towards encouragement!

Lyette, this is a “meaty vs milk toast” word…that we all need to hear. I have been working in this area and catch myself more often than not…but it has been a process of conscious prayer and taking every thought captive…excellent reminder and encouragement. This is a process, but it is soooo worth it!!

I love this! I have tried to communicate that very thing to some folks in the past, but I didn’t quite have the words like you did. Like Kelly said above, it seemed to happen when women were in a group. I heard that talk at work all the time. It was particularly heartbreaking to hear people talk like that when my husband and I really were looking forward to having children and it just wasn’t happening for us yet.

YES! Many times those that are complaining forget that there are others around them who are trying for children or who may have (unbeknownst to the talkers) suffered a miscarriage recently! Great point!

I couldn’t agree more Lyette! I have 8 children and had become pregnant with a ninth, but lost that baby. And experienced infertility for a while there. And I heard my pastors wife talking to another lady at church and she exclaimed ‘ sooo thankful I wasn’t pregnant again!’ Oh boy, I was so upset. But I bit my tongue. Those words can be soo damaging. And I already had 8! I don’t think she really even realized how damaging her words were. Thank you for the reminder to use our words carefully!

It’s hard to hear something like that when we are super sensitive due to loss or struggles. But it’s just important to remember that another woman may truly be overwhelmed with where she is at and she may in fact truly be grateful. I know a baby is always a blessing and I think most women agree, but if they are in a tough spot, pregnancy can be very frightening. Bless you and your family and may God give you continued wisdom and peace in your journey!

Wow, just wow. It is SO funny–just today, my little kids and I were going over that very verse. And, yet, when I read that post, I realized I was applying it to them, not usually to myself. How many times have I myself, even today, ended up with a discordant note because I was the one complaining excessively AT them about THEIR bad behaviour? I ‘think’ in my mind that I’m just ‘getting onto them’, but when that discordant note is reached, and none of us feel good…I wonder if maybe there isn’t a less ‘complainy’ tone I could use? I like your point about being an example to them, and parenting being a refining process for US! 🙂 Thank you for your post!

You’ve done a great job really reflecting on your tone and your reasoning! It’s a process and likely a habit that will take time to change, so don’t be hard on yourself…just keep working on it and know that when I write these things I am preaching at myself too. No mama is perfect but we keep trying and we keep growing and I know for sure that nothing has caused my walk of faith to grow more than these children! So good job Rachel and keep at it! You’re doing great!

Hi Lynette! Congrats on your newest little gift! You may not see this/may be too busy to reply, but I feel like I’m in such a slump of complaining about how long and hard the days feel with my 5,3,and 1 year old. I want to remember what precious treasures they are even if I’m not feeling that way in tee exhausted, hard moments. I’m so frustrated with myself bc my kids don’t sleep well at night/the three and five year olds have dropped naps and have never been trained to entertain themselves. So, I’m frustrated and feeling like their poor sleep habits and high needs are my own fault by not being more scheduled. I feel like I have *no* time for self or home care, and so frustrated that I’m responsible. Then you said this:

there is the more subtle form of complaining…the whining, the fussing, the fretting…by the parent, not the child! The “that makes mommy so sad when you do that,” or “it is so disappointing when you disobey me…” Instead of whining, let’s take action.

Oof. I’ve never even thought of the “it’s disappointing/sad when…” talks as mom complaining. How do you speak to your kids in a constructive way when you do feel so saddened or disappointed by their actions? Is there ever a time when it’s appropriate to point out my own feelings in an attempt to teach them sympathy for other’s feelings, or do you think it usually just ends up being a means for us to vent that isn’t constructive? Hope this all makes sense. Thanks for sharing here!

Wow…thanks for being so open and honest about your struggles which are SO COMMON to so many moms. I will take the time to answer this in a post that I feel will have a broader reach and be able to help more moms. God bless and thank you again for sharing!