I don't know why it took me so long to find and try this thing out, but you are a star!

One question I can't seem to find anywhere; what's the trick to getting USB memory sticks to load when I put them in? UBCD doesn't seem to recognize them, but I'm trying to get some data off this computer that's messed up. I can see the data and move it around and stuff (pretty useless), but I want it on CD or USB storage.

Start UBCD. When the syslinux menu shows up, insert your UFD (the USB ports at the back of your motherboard are recommended). Just *then*, select PartedMagic from the syslinux menu. From the PartedMagic boot menu, select the option more adequate to your hardware (usually the first option). When PartedMagic finishes booting, look if all your HDD and UFD are mounted (and if not, then mount them - and wait until they are indeed mounted).

Use the file manager in PartedMagic to copy your files, unmount the HDD and UFD that were originally unmounted and shut down the system from PartedMagic.

If you can, take your UFD to another computer to check that your files were correctly copied (try opening them and check that they are actually functional).