Thursday, August 24, 2006

I've got news for you, he ain't "asleep"!

ROGERS, Ark. - A man who fell asleep in his driveway woke up when his wife came home and turned into the driveway to park the car..

Kristine Bolson of Rogers said she drove into her driveway shortly after midnight Tuesday and heard a loud cracking sound, a Benton County Sheriff's Office report said. When she got out of her vehicle, she heard moaning and found her husband, Richard Gonzalez, on the ground near her vehicle. Bolson said she did not initially see her husband in the driveway. According to the report, Gonzalez said he had been drinking and he must have passed out. He was taken to St. Mary's Hospital where he was treatment for abrasions and contusions..

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Who's the genius that wrote that headline? And since when is falling asleep in the driveway news? I've heard probably ten thousand drunkalogues over the years and almost every one, at least the men's, include waking up in the front yard. Most of us were just relieved when it was our own yard, not the neighbor's or somewhere in a bad part of town. It must be a slow news day for AP..

Things have been pretty crazy around here so mostly I've been posting pics. My s/o's parents are still alive and although I remind him regularly how lucky he is, as parents age it is definitely "each day a new adventure." As those of you who know me remember, we went through a lot of illness with my parents, and it was heartbreaking. They were two of the greatest people I've ever met, but like all of us, their time here was finite. Dad developed cancer and mom lingered for over 11 years with Alzheimer's..

My s/o's mom had a hip replacement about six weeks ago and just as she was starting to get around pretty well, on Monday his dad's hip (he'd had it replaced a few years ago) went out and he had to go into the hospital to have it redone. Unexpectedly, we've been faced with taking care of his mom who is in mid-to-late stage Alzheimer's. Luckily his aunt, who is about 85 herself, was able to come stay with her so he could go back to work and I could retain what little sanity I may have. But the future looms a bit uncertainly, as it does for all of us. He and his father are getting used to the idea that she needs more help than they can give her at this time..

The funny thing is that his mom thinks I'm the nutty one. Yesterday as I was driving his mom and aunt to the hospital about 30 miles away to visit my s/o's dad, I was talking to a driver who was having a heck of a time coming on the entrance ramp to the freeway. As my brother once said to me, "He doesn't know how to yield." Anyway, I was coaching the other driver through it verbally, saying, "Come on, big fella, you can do it," when my s/o's mom kind of whistled through her teeth to her sister-in-law, rolled her eyes and communicated quite clearly to her that I was, as she'd obviously been telling his aunt, "out there!" And that's coming from someone with Alzheimer's..

One night when we were having dinner with his folks I pointed out a fat squirrel sitting on a tree branch right outside their kitchen window. He'd raided the bird feeders and was sitting sprawled over the branch, fat and satisfied. "Look at him," I said. "He's sitting there saying 'I ate so much I could split a gusset.'".

His mom looked at me, looked at her husband and then asked me "Where'd you come from?" I think I told her "Arizona.".

My s/o is having a hard time watching his parents age, of course. Watching our parents grow old and feeble, especially when they were so strong and vibrant as were his, is heart wrenching. He's almost stunned and although he listens to my thoughts because I've "been there," he has to come to terms with this slowly, I know..

The difficult fact about our relationship is that we never had a "honeymoon period" where we loved each other unconditionally and didn't notice those little character defects like insanity, bad language, intolerance, suspicion, you know, all those things that get between us and cause a lot of friction. We've had conflict in our relationship since a month or so after we met, partly due to our distance when I returned to Arizona and partly because, I believe, we both have had other relationships and in this new one, our minds seem to shout "No, not again! What have I done this time?".

But we keep working at it, both of us sometimes realizing, I think, that we have so much potential for a great future if neither one of us runs away emotionally. I admit, it would be easier for me to fold my tent and go home. But I know that would not be, at this point at least, the right decision; that would be the "ditch it" decision I've blogged about before..

When I was getting ready to return to Missouri from Arizona in April, my good friend who helped me a lot with my mother asked me if I was ready to walk back through the Alzheimer's dilemma again. Dealing with it so soon and so intimately after watching the agony my mother went through and knowing the havoc it wreaked on my health (I firmly believe my illness was exacerbated by the stress of taking care of her and watching her die, although I didn't do the greatest job, I know with twenty-twenty hindsight), I can only say that right now, I can handle it..

Helping his mom brings up intense feelings in me, memories of my mom, regrets that I don't have her any more, regrets that I could have, in retrospect, done it much better..

But like everything else in my life, I only have to do it one day at a time.

About Me

I am a performance poet and writer. In a former life I was probably a gypsy. I am content wherever I am because I have the rooms of the Fellowship. I have 31 years of recovery, had a liver transplant in 2005 and am currently writing a daily meditation book for recovering addicts and alcoholics. I have two German shepherds, a fantastic husband and a great life.