By Brian Harper and Nick Tragianis, Postmedia News

Originally published: August 15, 2013

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Welcome to Dude Said/Punk Said, a special series devoted to skewering the automotive ramblings of Young Grasshopper Punk Nick Tragianis with the experience (“seen it, done it, have the T-shirt”) of Brian Harper, Post Driving’s Cranky Old Dude.

BH: I know it’s hard to believe, kid, but I was once a scrawny punk like you. And, like you, I loved the bling on performance cars of the day — the hood scoops, fender flares, air dams; even that screaming chicken on the hood. The only problem was, that was 30-odd years ago and cars had about as much horsepower as a vacuum cleaner. Subaru’s star player, the WRX STI, has all the bling I desired in my youth, plus the horses. If this beast had been around when I was your age, I’d be all over it. The thing is, my tastes have matured. This Subie has serious acceleration and handling bona fides, but it’s as subtle as a kick to the crotch.

NT: I will grant you that, Old Dude. The wing on the trunk lid is obnoxious and the hood scoop sitting on the front seems as though it can eat a squirrel. But, there is something refreshing about a car that can back up its visual go-fast styling cues with go-fast bits under the hood. Our particular Subie is powered by a 2.5-litre turbocharged boxer four-banger. Being the polar opposite of the Miata we each spent a week in recently, it pumps out 305 horsepower and 290 pound feet of torque, and is mated to a six speed manual transmission that, as per Subaru tradition, sends power to all four wheels all the time.

What makes the WRX STI special is its all-wheel-drive system. It is likely the most advanced system in Subaru’s lineup thanks to one four-letter abbreviation: DCCD, denoting the driver-controlled centre differential. In short, this doohickey splits­­ torque at the driver’s discretion via a button and a switch on the centre console. Set it on Auto and it does the splitting for you, adjusting it anywhere from 35:65 front-to-rear to 49:51.

Then there are the multiple Manual modes, but in either case, we didn’t get to properly, ahem, evaluate the capabilities and limits. Something tells me the boys in blue wouldn’t appreciate such hooning. That being said, while some cars have tenacious amounts of grip, the WRX STI has elevenacious.

BH: Oh, aren’t you clever? “Elevenacious.” I like that. Yes, while the STI is impressive enough in a straight line (zero to 100 kilometres an hour in 5.2 seconds and an 80-to-120 passing move in 4.6 seconds), its claim to fame is monstrous grip — a nod to Subaru for its many years contesting the World Rally Championship — and taken to extremes with this car. The STI lives for twisting roads and tight corners. Every on-ramp is an enticement and every 90-degree turn an excuse to drop a gear or two, haul on the steering wheel and let all of the car’s electro-mechanical Vehicle Dynamics Control technology, tuned suspension and grippy Dunlop SP600 245/40R18 summer performance rubber do their thing. The STI doesn’t finesse the road like the Miata, it beats it into submission.

But, tell me, Subie Fan Boy, does the STI need all of this go-fast tech? You haven’t even mentioned the Subaru Intelligent Drive (SI-Drive).

NT: Ah yes, the doohickey we first saw on the Legacy spec.B six years ago. It adjusts throttle response and ECU mapping in the name of improved fuel economy and day-to-day livability. I understand its purpose on the Forester XT, where it also adjusts gear ratios and shift points on its CVT, but SI-Drive seems somewhat gimmicky on the WRX STI. Like the Forester, it lets drivers choose from three so-called driving modes: Sport is the default setting, while Intelligent smoothes most of the WRX STI’s rough edges so it’s more livable in situations like stop-and-go traffic.

Finally, there is Sport Sharp, where all hell supposedly breaks loose. True to its namesake, this mode sharpens nearly every aspect of the car, specifically throttle response. Subaru says if you tip the go-fast pedal just halfway to the floor, 100% of power is on tap. Regardless, I left SI-Drive in its default setting; I prefer to use my brain to decide whether or not I want the car to take it easy or rotate the earth beneath it.

My other nitpick lies with the interior appointments. I understand the premise of a no-frills interior in a belligerently speedy performance car whose prime directive is to drive, but the WRX STI’s interior is downright cheap considering its $41,000 price tag. Hard plastics are everywhere, the design is dated and countless rattles made themselves known throughout the week. And the seats? They just don’t match the price tag and performance credentials of the car. While Japan gets a sweet set of incredibly sticky Recaro buckets up front, us North Americans have to make do with leather-and-Alcantara-clad seats lacking in lateral support and bolstering. How about the head unit, Old Dude? Personally, it doesn’t strike me as the most intuitive one out there.

BH: The audio system’s head unit? I want to rip it out of the dash with a crowbar, crush it beneath a steamroller and force-feed the remains to the bozo who designed it. It is the most user-unfriendly device I have ever seen installed in a car. (Where the hell is my Valium?) And, yes, the STI’s interior is somewhat dated and minimalist for the price, not all that surprising considering the car is based on the third-generation Impreza (which debuted back in 2007) and not the fourth-gen version that has been out for two years. A new model is expected next year that should address many of your issues. Still, I hope Subaru doesn’t go overboard. The STI is a serious performance car and I think its cabin should remain business-like, not junked up with unnecessary distractions. That includes the electronics that control the engine and drivetrain. I found the default Sport mode perfectly acceptable for day-to-day operation, with the Sharp mode engaged during those times I was feeling “adventurous.”

Here’s another question for you, Subie-geek. Which do you prefer; the sedan version we are driving, or the hatchback? For me, it’s the hatch. It looks meaner.

NT: The hatchback reigns superior to the sedan in my book. Yes, the Subie faithful would be quick to point out the sedan (and the first-generation coupe) is what propelled the Impreza to motorsports fame. But the truth is, off the showroom floor it’s far too excessive, all due to that wing sitting atop the trunk lid that screams, “I am a hooligan! Please pull me over, officer!”

The hatchback may still wear the hood scoop, the extra-wide fenders and no less than 17 STI badges strewn about, but it’s also infinitely more practical. I respect the four-door STI, but the paramount year-round performance, unrelenting grip and the ability to haul a Costco-sized grocery run after kicking butt at a track day certainly completes the hatchback’s sleeper status. Still, regardless of sedan or hatchback stripe, the WRX STI is an elevenacious machine with much riding on its shoulders when the new model is expected out for 2015.