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But thats what was happening, we brought it to his attention and some effort was semi-made on his part but it was really too little too late. There's more to having a job than just the paycheck, a job, regardless of what it is, keeps the mind active. If a person just sits in front of the TV and does nothing or very little else, they start to mentaly fade.

I don't know anything about living in a triad situation, but I do know a lot about housework. I know GalaGirl recommended a chore chart, but I know when I first became the household manager, I found that kind of overwhelming, especially if I got behind one day. I really really like FlyLady. I know it's directed at women, and maybe he won't like it because of that, but the daily support of routines, letting go of perfectionism, etc... really helped me get to the point where now I do have a bunch of charts to keep track of the household management and find them helpful and not overwhelming. A big part of fly lady is baby steps, of just adding a few routines at a time. I know you said it's too little too late, but I think little by little is how we overcome "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome," lol. Just a thought.

I know GalaGirl recommended a chore chart, but I know when I first became the household manager, I found that kind of overwhelming, especially if I got behind one day.

It may be overwhelming, but still necessary to look at occasionally, especially if your not used to doing any of the listed chores. However, it's just as important to document the things you actually did during the day. I know it can be discouraging knowing you didn't get EVERYTHING done and when you look at the chart, there might only be one thing you can check off, but why? Did you spend 2 hours sending out resumes and job hunting? Did you spend 3 hours doing laundry instead of 1? Did you clean out a closet, because you couldn't get to the vacuum, that was buried in there someplace? Did you get a sudden migraine?

FlyLady is awesome! 10-minute Room Rescues, Home Blessings, setting the timer, morning and evening routines, maintaining a Household Notebook, having one specific room as the focus of the month, and just making sure you get the kitchen sink clean if nothing else gets done. Her stuff is based on the card file system for "sidetracked home executives" developed by Pam and Peggy Something? (The Slob Sisters). All of them are very "housewifey" and also Bible thumpers -- but the ideas for organizing and figuring out how often to do tasks is excellent.

I'm not perfect -- and I've tried Fly Lady and Motivated Moms and other systems like SHE. Just keep looking for the one that fits your personality.

I like Let's Clean Up because while the SET UP takes time, it can break out the chore lists by NAME of person. So I just have to worry about MINE, that I have agreed to execute "for helping the family."

DH and kid worry about theirs. It becomes really easy to see then who is not pulling weight, and who has crazy expectations.

My kid grumbles when I make her check her list but I just flat out tell her "Hey, you are part of this family. You HAVE to help out the family in your way -- so get to your responsibilities. Mommy has to do hers for the family, Daddy does his. You do yours!"

I'm the one who is also the list manager so every semester I check the set up and after that I'm just a chore-r with a list to knock off.