http://www.sheknows.com/articles/parenting/new-momsMon, 27 Jul 2015 22:45:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1090531/new-moms-need-to-hear
Dear Old Me: You are so tired from waking up every hour with a newborn that you probably won't be able to read this with both eyes open. I remember it, and I remember it well. Those new mom days were hell, but part of me wishes I could go back.You thought you were totally prepared, and you even made everyone think you were. You read all the books, you bookmarked all the websites and you decided on your parenting style. But when he was born, everything that everyone ever said to you came true — you just didn't want to admit it. You wanted to feel like you were still in control. You could figure it out for yourself.

Image: Bethany Ramos/SheKnows

Those sleepless nights when you couldn't get him to latch (and of course, that terrifying night when you overfed him when using a bottle for the first time and he threw up) and you wanted to ask for help or just call someone to cry for a minute, but you didn't. You thought people would brush you off. Shouldn't new moms have a mothering instinct? Didn't your midwife teach you how to breastfeed? Can't you look it up on YouTube or something?

So you just kept it to yourself and kept moving forward, the same as any other new mom would do to save sanity and save face. I see now, and I wish I could go back and tell you that it could have been much easier. People wanted to help you, but they thought you didn't need it. People would have talked to you for hours, but you thought they would judge you and tell you that parenting shouldn't be so hard.

And then they got a little older, and it got a little easier (as easy as toddlers can be), just like everybody said. You got some room to breathe. You realized you were drowning in loneliness and anxiety, and you finally got the courage to ask for help. I'm still proud of you for that.

Image: Bethany Ramos/SheKnows

You didn't know this then but making that decision to admit defeat, to tell everyone that you couldn't handle the stress and the fear and the loneliness, to reach out to a therapist and to spend time getting to know yourself was probably the best thing you've done so far as a parent. I know it was painful, I remember it being agony, but you finally opened up and I'm proud of you for that.

And then something really interesting happened, something you won't even recognize until a few years later: Like everyone said all along, it got easier. The crazy newborn days went by in a flash, and you didn't know how to appreciate them because you were right in the thick of it. That's OK. Once your baby started sleeping, once you started going out in public again, once you got a moment for yourself, everything everyone had been trying to tell you hit you like a ton of bricks.

It does go by too fast. These days really are precious. I'm only going to get to do this once.

Image: Bethany Ramos/SheKnows

I look back at pictures and videos and I see you, and I remember you. I remember you optimistically embarking on the scariest journey of your life, and I remember every time you failed. I also remember every time you put one foot in front of the other and kept going on your most frustrating days. You didn't think it would get better, but it did. You didn't know if you would be a good parent, but you are. You wondered if you would ever enjoy it, but you do. You made it to the other side.

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1090531/new-moms-need-to-hearWed, 15 Jul 2015 08:27:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1089593/us-navy-new-paid-maternity-leave
A huge salute is in order for the United States Navy. The military branch has decided to triple its maternity leave offered to female sailors and Marines.Effective immediately, the Navy will now offer expecting and new moms 18 weeks of paid maternity leave. The new policy combines 12 weeks of paid convalescent leave with six weeks of paid maternity leave. CNN Money reports women in the Navy and Marine Corps who've already given birth this calendar year can take advantage of the new policy, as it's retroactive. The one catch: While it's not required to take the entire leave at once, mothers are required to do so within their child's first year.

This game-changing move is going to impact women who wish to serve our country and will also help ensure those who desire a family return to active duty. But more than that, it will help moms everywhere.

One can only hope every company and organization will offer paid parental leave. Not only does it give families adequate time to adjust to their new reality, but it also maintains a stream of income to pay for necessities.

Of course, every mom should know her rights. The Family and Medical Leave Act grants certain employees under covered employers access to (unpaid) job-protected leave. If you're pregnant and planning a maternity leave, check with the Department of Labor before going to your company's HR department so you can advocate for yourself.

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1089593/us-navy-new-paid-maternity-leaveTue, 14 Jul 2015 07:15:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1088919/capturing-motherhood-in-real-time
I never wanted children. I feel the need to confess that right from the start because being a mother is so much a part of who I am now that it bears mentioning that I never ever wanted kids.I always loved my nieces and nephews, but I knew that kids just weren't for me. "Babies don't like me. Kids are too messy and loud." I gave every excuse, and I truly believed that it took a particular kind of woman to be a mom. That woman wasn't me.

Fast forward to 22 years old. I was having medical investigations done when a doctor noted some problems with my ovaries. They were full of cysts. I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. After a battery of tests, I found out that the likelihood of me having children was next to nothing. I would need IVF for certain, and I needed to get started right away, as the older I got, the less likely it would be to work, if it ever would.

At that point, I panicked. The sudden and unexpected knowledge that I no longer had the option of changing my mind weighed heavily. I suddenly realized that the years of being anti-children were just me being young and stupid. To put it bluntly, it was a front because I grew up thinking no one would ever love me enough to want to have a baby with me.

Everything changed from that day. Though I was newlywed and living in a foreign country, I began in earnest trying to get pregnant. As the years flew by without a child, I began to fear the worst. I ended up going through fertility treatments, though my then-husband got cold feet and basically refused to participate. My body felt ready, but our hearts weren't in it.

Eventually that marriage disintegrated. My hopes of becoming a mother were dashed into a million pieces. I thought it was all over.

About six months after our split, I met Mark, a fellow American also living overseas, only 20 minutes from my house. We had a nine-hour first date, and he told me that he wanted to marry me. It's as close to love at first sight as I've ever experienced. After less than two months, he asked me to move in, and I accepted. A month later we found out we were expecting our first child.

Baby #1 - February 16, 2011

We have since been blessed with two more beautiful babies, a total of three amazing little boys who make our life so perfect.

Baby #2 - February 12, 2013

Baby #3 - October 22, 2014

It is only recently that we moved close to my husband's family. They get to see our boys as they grow, and they are involved in their day-to-day lives. It is beautiful to see how excited my kids get when they know we're going to Grandma's house or they're going to see their cousins. But there's a whole side of the family they don't know well. My side. The ones who live on the other side of the country and who have to get updates via Facebook or through too-infrequent phone calls.

How I have longed to be able to share with them our everyday life as it happens.

When I was introduced to the RealTimes app, I knew it was something special. In the past, I have spent hours editing videos and photos into stories that I could send to family. It takes a lot of effort and tricky software, and it is difficult to find the time to do it. But RealTimes takes care of the tricky part and requires very little effort. With a great selection of music, amazing transitions and effects and an intuitive interface, all it requires is for you to choose the photos and videos you want to use; it does the rest.

This Fourth of July holiday was our first with the new baby, and the first ever when we've been with family. I took photos and videos galore to commemorate the occasion, and I was able to put together a brilliant video to send to my parents. It took me less than five minutes, and with one click of a button they were able to watch it on their television screen.

I shared it on Facebook, I emailed it to a few people and I have it saved in the RealTimes cloud so that I can watch it whenever I want.

Becoming a mother was the best thing that ever happened to me. My kids are everything to me, and I relish the chance to capture every blessed moment with ease. I look forward to each stage of their development... and mine! Every time they change and grow, so do I. Being a mom doesn't come with instructions, but we do our best and we try to give all of ourselves. I hope that these precious moments are remembered by my boys as they get older, but if they aren't, at least I have some great videos to help them.

Disclosure: This post is part of a sponsored collaboration between RealTimes and SheKnows.

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1088919/capturing-motherhood-in-real-timeFri, 03 Jul 2015 07:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1088292/breastfeeding-and-weight-loss
What I told everyone in my circle was that I wanted to breastfeed because I was a loving mother who only wanted the best for my child. What I really meant was that I wanted to produce milk from my boobs so I could lose the baby weight — fast.Way before I ever got pregnant, the idea of breastfeeding never appealed to me. I was breastfed as a child for an extended period of time, but still. It was a big adjustment for me to see my bouncy boobs as a food source.

When I was about to deliver my first son, I was actually more nervous to breastfeed for the first time than to show everyone my business end while giving birth. My midwives told me to watch breastfeeding YouTube videos and Google breastfeeding holds. That just made it worse. The perfectionist in me felt like I was going to be graded on how well I knew how to hold my child to get him to latch in those first exhausting moments after birth. No pressure.

So there are plenty of reasons I wasn't too keen on breastfeeding, but there was one big reason I was willing to give it a try (besides the obvious nourishment of my child): weight loss. Every mom forum I read, every mom group I joined and every mom friend I had told me the same thing: Breastfeeding is amazing! You get to eat whatever you want. You get to watch TV and eat all the things and hold your baby and then eat more. This is the only time in your life when you'll get this free pass to sit on your ass.

Where can I sign up? Imagine my dismay when the whole magic-weight-loss-breastfeeding-formula was a total bust — for me, anyway. If anything, I felt like breastfeeding made my body hold on to more weight so that I actually had some food left over to give my baby. When you think about it logically, it makes sense. When you think about it as a sleep-deprived new mom who wants nothing more than to get back to her pre-baby weight and feel like her old self again, it's like beating your head against a wall.

"In many cases, the breastfeeding and weight loss claim does not really work like you think it will as a new mom." But there is a silver lining, according to Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills relationship psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent and expert co-star on WE tv: "Dozens of new fathers tell me how beautiful, more desirous and sexy they find their wives' bodies post-baby."

From the medical perspective, Dr. Eric Garrison, clinical and forensic sexologist, explains why the promise of breastfeeding weight loss may be unattainable for many women: "It does require a considerable amount of calories to produce milk, which can make you crave more food. That's OK, and try to make the foods you choose as nutritionally dense as possible. I hate when postpartum mothers are worried about weight but not their cholesterol. Or sleep. Or spirituality or mental health. All of those are important."

Dr. Garrison recommends focusing on the eight dimensions of wellness as a new mom and not an arbitrary weight loss goal. He qualifies, "Also, for the best weight loss from breastfeeding and for it to function as birth control, it must be consistent as the sole source of nourishment for the first six months."

In all of the obsessive breastfeeding research I did before Baby, I never found this kind of balanced information about breastfeeding and weight loss. Breastfeeding was supposed to be my one-way ticket back to my skinny jeans by doing something my body was designed to do — a far cry from what really went down in those first six months. My unrealistic expectations about breastfeeding and weight loss made me even more neurotic and self-critical as a new mom who already felt like I was screwing everything up.

It's possible that breastfeeding can melt the pounds off some women, but in my experience, most magical breastfeeding and weight loss promises are completely overblown. We could do all new moms a favor by laying these rumors to rest.

I wanted to breastfeed to lose weight, and I was sorely disappointed. If I had to do it all over again, I'd take Dr. Fran's advice and cut myself some slack: "New moms need to tell themselves the 'temporary' out-of-alignment body-weight zone is extended beyond breastfeeding. In other words, don't expect or pressure yourself to return to your original body weight/shape until after weaning. Your best source of great self-esteem can be reaped from the pleasure of giving life to, nourishing and bonding with your amazing new infant."

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1088292/breastfeeding-and-weight-lossWed, 01 Jul 2015 12:30:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1088312/babywearing-mom-gets-bullied-online-by-store-manager
A mom was unpleasantly surprised to find that a photo of herself and her child was posted by a manager of a retail business — accompanied by some of the most vile judgment you'll find online.Erica Kalnins, who had popped her 5-year-old daughter into a Tula carrier on her back during a shopping trip, was minding her own business as she went about her day. However, the manager of the Icing store where she was shopping thought she was pretty damn lazy and ridiculous, and chose to take her photo, post it on her Facebook page and berate the mom who was doing nothing more than taking care of her kids.

Image: Erica Kalnins

"I found out about the photo because it had been shared in a bunch of baby wearing groups," the Florida mom tells me, and she quickly became incensed once she read the comments of the original post as well as the comments that flowed in on the manager's Facebook page once she posted the photo. "Some of the things that this stranger was saying were derogatory and downright wrong," she says. "She was not familiar with baby wearing and made claims that people who used those were lazy parents."

Once the photo started making the rounds in baby wearing Facebook groups, the Icing Facebook page quickly became the target of ire from moms everywhere. "This is disgusting," writes one commenter. "Icing should be ashamed that this is the kind of management they have."

Another mom writes, "Just because it's not your parenting view, does not ever (I repeat EVER) give you the right to shame someone else's parenting methods. Shame on you for being such an uneducated person in the world of baby wearing. You have pissed off a worldwide, very tight knit community."

My friend Katie agreed, saying, "People are so ignorant and rude, snapping pictures of someone. That's why these carriers come in toddler and even preschool sizes."

And my friend Niki wondered why this was even an issue, saying, "How is it different than giving your kiddo a piggyback ride? And honestly, what is it to anyone how you carry your child? Just plain silly."

The notion that this angered a worldwide community was absolutely true. "Within an hour or two, this story started spreading like wildfire," shares Kalnins. "I was getting strangers emailing me from all over the U.S. Then, within four hours — the world. I had moms emailing me with support from Australia, South Korea, South Africa, the Netherlands, Canada, Hawaii and Japan."

Soon a mom local to Kalnins organized a sit-in (or a wear-in) in response to this incident. "We met up and walked through the mall (peacefully)," she tells me. "We were just educating people on baby wearing in general (it's not weird, it's amazing for your children, and we do it proudly)." She mentions that they did not storm the store, but they did take a photo outside the store. She reports that security was amped up, and many corporate Icing employees were milling around, looking flustered, but overall their reception was extremely positive.

Image: Taylar Graves Sullivan

Icing has also posted a statement to its Facebook page.

Sit-in at Icing

Sit-in at Icing

I'm thrilled that she got as much support as she has, and I also hope that Icing, as well as any store anywhere in the world, will use this as a valuable teaching moment. The actions of an employee can and do tear down the reputation of a business, especially in the modern age of social media. We moms stick up for one another, and if you wrong one of us, you wrong us all.

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1088312/babywearing-mom-gets-bullied-online-by-store-managerFri, 05 Jun 2015 06:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1085734/science-says-eating-your-placenta-is-a-hoax
If the thought of a nice, juicy placenta makes your mouth water, this news is going to be very disappointing for you. While plenty of moms have sworn by encapsulated placenta and even the real deal to bounce back after birth and ease postpartum depression, researchers say the health benefits of eating placenta may be overblown.We can blame much of this placenta hubbub on celebrities who have famously dined on placenta after birth, turning it into a bonafide trend. (Thanks a lot, Kourtney Kardashian and Alicia Silverstone.) I personally have known several moms who have gone down the placenta encapsulation route, swearing that it helped curb and even prevent early postpartum depression.

A recent study published in the journal Archives of Women's Mental Health reviewed 10 published papers that examined the health benefits of eating placenta, called placentophagy. Within this review, researchers were unable to find any conclusive data to support eating placenta to prevent postpartum depression, reduce post-labor pain and increase energy.

Corresponding study author Dr. Crystal Clark confirms, "There are a lot of subjective reports from women who perceived benefits, but there hasn't been any systematic research investigating the benefits or the risk of placenta ingestion."

Dr. Clark brings up an important point. We constantly hear a buzz about women choosing to eat their placentas because of the inarguably "natural" postpartum health benefits (it came from your body, after all, so why not take a bite?), but we rarely examine the other side of the coin in our new mom circles: the potential risk. Since a placenta serves as a filter to protect a baby during pregnancy, it is possible that environmental toxins could build up in the placenta.

Lead author and psychologist Cynthia Coyle continues, "Our sense is that women choosing placentophagy, who may otherwise be very careful about what they are putting into their bodies during pregnancy and nursing, are willing to ingest something without evidence of its benefits and, more importantly, of its potential risks to themselves and their nursing infants."

The study goes on to say that while it is a totally normal practice for non-human placental mammals to eat their placenta after birth, the first documented accounts of women munching on placenta came about in the 1970s in North America. Nowadays, placenta has become just another choice on the new mom menu: Unmedicated or epidural? Breastfeeding or formula? How do you like your placenta, in a smoothie, fried up like a steak or as a pill?

When I gave birth at home to my second son, my midwives offered me my placenta proudly as if it was my post-labor grand prize for all the hard work I had done. They were also excited to show me that my placenta had naturally grown into the shape of a heart. My husband and I politely declined hanging on to my internal organ for further use. For some reason, placenta eating just never seemed like my cup of tea.

For the many moms I know who have eaten placenta and have felt benefits, I am truly happy for you. This falls into yet another category of mothering called "you do you." But the biggest takeaway from this new study is that the placenta eating trend does not have scientific backing. In some cases, it could even carry risk. Coyle points out that while more research is needed, it is in your best interest to talk with your doctor before you chow down on this postpartum snack.

More on birth

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1085734/science-says-eating-your-placenta-is-a-hoaxFri, 29 May 2015 14:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1082230/1990s-songs-about-parenting
You may remember getting groped to "MMMBop" in a sweaty gym at the eighth grade dance, but I bet you didn't know that sweet '90s jam was about parenting. Hanson was before their time. They were preaching profound parenting truths before they hit puberty.In fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that my favorite '90s hits were really about parenting. Or maybe this is a sign that my mom brain is fried. Instead of being one of those people who sees the face of Jesus in her toast every morning, I'm hearing parenting messages in my favorite '90s throwbacks.

But seriously. Try to tell me that these '90s songs weren't really about having kids.

1. "Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey

What's that they say about how you can't outrun underestimate a mother's love? "You'll always be a part of me. I'm part of you indefinitely. Boy, don't you know you can't escape me. Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby."

2. "Basket Case" by Green Day

Before it was cool, Billie Joe was writing hits for the sleep-deprived postpartum mom: "Sometimes I give myself the creeps. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. It all keeps adding up, I think I'm cracking up."

3. "Counting Blue Cars" by Dishwalla

Really. How is this not an actual children's song? I have spent the past four years counting many, many blue cars and being asked by my children about the deeper meaning of life. "We said, 'Tell me all your thoughts on God, 'cause I would really like to meet her. And ask her why we're who we are. Tell me all your thoughts on God, 'cause I am on my way to see her."

5. "Foolish Games" by Jewel

I used to strum this song in my preteen folksy guitar phase, but now I'm positive Jewel was really referring to those games your toddler wants to play over and over and over again. Yes, Jewel, "these foolish games are tearing me apart."

6. "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette

Sure, Alanis got slammed for her loose and often incorrect interpretation of irony, but she did get one thing right: There are so many times when being a parent is ironic. You have created life, so now you have no life. The louder you talk, the less your kids hear. Parenting can be life's greatest joy, but it certainly isn't fun every day. It's kind of like "ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife."

7. "I Want It That Way" by Backstreet Boys

8. "MMMBop" by Hanson

It's totally normal to listen to "MMMBop" when you work out 20 years after the fact, right? Right? As Hanson said, "You have so many relationships in this life, only one or two will last. You go through all the pain and strife, then you turn your back and they're gone so fast… In an MMMBop, they're gone." Thinking about this in the context of my kids turns me into a blubbering mess. Don't grow up yet!

9. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana

10. "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba

I fail to see how this addictively annoying '90s hit is not about bath time. Baths are slippery. Kids fall down a lot. I rest my case. "I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down."

11. "Two Princes" by Spin Doctors

I'm asking this question for the thousandth time: Why hasn't anyone turned this poppy '90s hit into a children's book yet? The story tells itself: "One, two, princes kneel before you. That's what I said, now. Princes, Princes who adore you. Just go ahead, now. One has diamonds in his pockets. That's some bread, now. This one, said he wants to buy you rockets. Ain't in his head, now."

12. "You Get What You Give" by New Radicals

What the New Radicals don't want you to know is that this song is really about learning to share — and it's probably the reason I have crafted a fully functioning LEGO bartering system between my two toddlers to defuse fights.

More on parenting

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1082230/1990s-songs-about-parentingThu, 28 May 2015 18:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1082860/what-really-happens-to-your-vagina-after-birth
Here's the question every woman wants to know but is too afraid to ask: What happens to your lady parts after you have a kid? Will they bounce back, or will you have to live in droopy vagina hell forever?When I first got pregnant, the postpartum aftermath of my vagina was literally the last thing on my mind. There was a registry to create. A nursery to decorate. A name to pick. Childbirth classes to attend. (And the list goes on.) I was able to conveniently keep my mind off my vagina (and my vagina off my mind), until I popped that baby out and it was just too late.

It happened. I gave birth. And my vagina was ruined forever.

Fortunately, my "woe is vagina" attitude was a touch dramatic. In the vast majority of cases, your lady business does bounce back quite nicely after birth — in my case, two births. But in order to preserve your sanity in those first few hormonal weeks after having a baby, it helps to know what you're getting into. This is the real deal, from moms who have been there, about what your vagina is going to look like after you give birth.

1. It's a horror show

There is no mincing of words here. If you look below the waist mere hours after birthing a baby, it may haunt you for all of time. Jill Smokler, mom of three, editor in chief of Scary Mommy and author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy, says, "There is nothing quite like a vagina after producing a child. Actually, think of the nastiest horror movie you've ever seen — the one you had to turn away from because it was so grotesque, so unthinkable and so horrific even the mere thought of it makes you shiver? That's a vagina after birth. Whatever you do: Do not look. Or you will regret it for the rest of your life."

2. It's bloody

Speaking of a horror movie, I hope you listened to your doctor when he told you to buy postpartum pads, and plenty of them. Eileen Zyko, mom of two sons, confirms: "Stretched-out, painful vagina aside, it was more blood than I ever thought possible coming out of my body for weeks. I wish that was ever mentioned in any book or by anyone. Seriously, the worst part about the whole thing. That and the sitz bath!"

3. It hurts

I would love to pretend I skipped off into a field of dandelions after vaginally birthing an 8-pound baby boy (twice), but that fantasy did not play out for me, and it did not play out for stylist Jeni Elizabeth either — a "war hero" mom who went through 52 hours of labor with her son. Elizabeth's biggest takeaway from birth was how much her hoo-ha hurt: "You will never 'forget the pain.' It will haunt you forever. However, it's worth it."

4. It's torn

Why is your vagina hurting so damn much after having a baby? It could be because your lady flower just stretched to accommodate a human head like it was no big deal. It could also be because, like so many women before you, your baby cannon tore, and the doc had to stitch it back up. While thinking of a torn vagina is enough to turn any woman's stomach, one Reddit mom of two remains fairly upbeat about the whole ordeal: "She was 9 pounds, 3 ounces. I had a second degree tear. I had to use a peri bottle to pee for at least three weeks, and thanks to Pitocin (a.k.a. the devil's juice) my entire body was sore as well. I didn't get the courage to look down there for two months, and it wasn't too bad. My labia minora were a little longer, but I wasn't too upset because they were almost nonexistent previously."

5. It's stretchy

There are two words I wish to never hear together again, and they are: stretchy vagina. No, thank you, please. Following the unmedicated birth of her son, Anna Lane of Misadventures in Motherhood said that she mistakenly assumed she could hop off the table and get to mothering. Nope. Lane explains: "I guess no one bothered to tell me that your vagina gets so stretched out that you feel as though you've had an instant gender reassignment surgery. And the rug burns on your labia! Oh my goodness, the pain."

6. It's veiny

Veiny postpartum vaginas don't happen to every new mom, but they do happen to some "lucky" ladies. When asked about the state of her postpartum baby box, Jamie H., mom of two and owner of Toys in the Dryer, keeps it short, sweet and very, very real: "Varicose veins! Large, ugly varicose veins on my labia!"

7. It's inside out

Now we come to the "somebody hold me" portion of the article. Gaby Merediz, mom of two boys and owner of Make Your Perfect, says that after the birth of her first son, her vagina looked surprisingly normal. Fast-forward to baby No. 2, and Merediz was dealing with a whole different animal. "My vagina is now inside out. Yep, that's right — there is definitely skin on the outside that feels a lot like what was supposed to remain on the inside," Merediz recalls. "When I was feeling around to see how everything was, um, feeling down there maybe three weeks after delivering my second baby, I noticed a hard spot toward the back wall of the vagina. When I called my midwife to ask her about it, she said, 'That's OK. It's just a little rectal prolapse.' Rectal what?!? I had images of my butt turning inside out, too. Kegels, she assured me, would hold everything back into place again."

More on birth

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1082860/what-really-happens-to-your-vagina-after-birthWed, 27 May 2015 06:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1084868/hospitals-are-cheating-moms-by-nixing-free-baby-formula
As a new mom, you have probably been so inundated with the Breast Is Best campaign that you wouldn't even blink an eye to hear that most hospitals no longer offer free baby formula. For many moms who support breastfeeding and all the benefits it has to offer, this seems like a step in the right direction. But a small policy change like this actually takes away a new mom's right to choose.What was once a common practice of sending a new mom home with a basketful of free baby formula is becoming obsolete in the U.S., reports CBS News. Government researchers say there has been a major decline in formula freebies from hospitals since most health organizations are working to promote breastfeeding over formula use.

A CDC study published online in Pediatricson Monday revealed that while almost three-fourths of U.S. maternity wards gave away free baby formula in 2007, this number dropped to less than one-third in 2013. Free formula numbers vary by region, with hospitals in the South and Midwest being the most likely to give free baby formula away.

If you are anything like me, you had the benefits of breastfeeding crammed down your throat from the moment you got pregnant. I breastfed both of my sons for the recommended six months, plus a few months more, and I am still waiting on my medal.

Don't get me wrong — I think breastfeeding both of my children was a good choice, and I'm glad I did it. But there's the operative word right there: choice.

The fact that the Breast Is Best campaign has become so mainstream has a few unexpected side effects. Namely, information about formula is left by the wayside. Depending on which mom circle you hang in, the use of baby formula may even get you branded a "bad mom" or "child abuser." At the very least, mixing up a bottle of baby formula at the park during a playdate could earn you an eyebrow raise from the judgy mom in your group. (What? Your boobs aren't working today?)

The biggest problem I had in the formula versus breastfeeding debate was the extreme tilt in the balance. I thought when I decided to give my first son a bottle of formula as a supplement, along with all the sweet liquid gold breast milk I had painstakingly pumped, I had failed as a mother.

This guilt that comes from formula use is just wrong — and it comes from misinformation. Infant formula is not made of poison. Breastfeeding is a wonderful choice that should be encouraged, but moms also deserve to know that its super-amazing-wonderful-fantastic benefits have been exaggerated.

This new study bothers me for one specific reason: Hospitals should be an unbiased organization that provides any patient, including new mothers, the information they need to make an educated choice for themselves and their family. Taking free formula off the table creates a bias. Mothers who can't breastfeed or — gasp — choose not to breastfeed are left out in the cold. Breast may be best for you and your family, but it is not always the best choice for everyone.

More on breastfeeding

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1084868/hospitals-are-cheating-moms-by-nixing-free-baby-formulaTue, 26 May 2015 14:46:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1084826/keira-knightley-is-a-mom-actress-gives-birth-to-her-first-child
Actress Keira Knightley welcomes her first child with her husband, musician James Righton. Get all the details on their bouncing bundle of joy as they embrace being parents for the first time.Multiple sources are reporting that Knightley, 30, recently gave birth and welcomed her first child with her musician husband. After making the awards show rounds wearing stylish maternity clothes to promote her movie The Imitation Game, the actress has been keeping a low profile as she awaited the arrival of her first child.

Knightley and Righton, who were married in 2013, have yet to release the gender of the baby name of their baby, however the actress did open up about labor and delivery during an interview with Ellen DeGeneres.

When asked about her birthing plan, Knightley joked, "There isn't an option to sort of keep it in, is there?" she said. "So, I'm assuming my plan is to get it out. But apparently there's more to the plan than that. I don't know what that is. Still, my plan is to get it out. It will come out."

Knightley's maternity style throughout her pregnancy was feminine and flowing, as the actress opted to steer clear of bump-hugging dresses that many actresses favor.

Image: Brian Dowling/WENN.com

When she was asked if it was a challenge to find clothes to fit her pregnancy curves, Knightley said that her waist "has disappeared."

"Does it make it harder? It just means that you're not going to wear anything tight, for me. Actually people do wear tight things don't they, when they're pregnant. I don't want to go for that," she said. "So it's just all quite loose, which is quite nice. I'm quite comfortable."

Even though she loved her chic and comfortable maternity clothes, Knightely did admit there was one thing she was looking forward to once she was no longer pregnant.

"When can I drink? Please?" she joked to DeGeneres. "I just want a margarita!"

Stay tuned for Knightley's baby name choice! I predict the baby name will be like her personal style — vintage with a little modern edge.

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1084826/keira-knightley-is-a-mom-actress-gives-birth-to-her-first-childFri, 08 May 2015 14:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1081246/reasons-youre-a-better-mom-than-you-think
There is not a day that a mother wakes up and thinks she is great at what she does. That's the plight of being a mom — you love your kids fiercely, but you're still riddled with self-doubt. On this Mother's Day, it's time for a reality check: You're a much better mom than you give yourself credit for.How can I be so confident in saying this? I don't even know you. But here's what I do know. I struggle with feeling like I suck literally every day. I watch other moms and am in awe of the little things they do. I would never look at any of these women and think that they're doing a terrible job.

They show up. They love their kids. They fail. They try again. And so do you. The next time you get down on yourself for snapping at your kids before bedtime, pull up this list as a reminder that you are doing more than OK.

1. You show up

Didn't I already say that? It's worth mentioning again. You can't call in when you're sick (or even sick of your kids). You put your best foot forward, and you're here in the midst of the chaos every day.

2. You see the big picture

If I learned anything by sobbing my way through the movie Boyhood, it's that the rewarding parts of motherhood have nothing to do with the big milestones. It's those little moments you have with your kids that no one else will share. Danielle Larkins of Tiny Trots says, "I embrace the little things — like when I see my kids go over to a hurt child on the playground and ask if he or she is OK, or when my son hugs and kisses his little brother even after he was bitten by him. These acts of kindness and empathy let me know I must be doing something right."

3. You dry the tears

You might be sensing a theme here, and you'd be right. Motherhood isn't about doing anything epically special. It's about being in that moment with your kid when they need you the most. According to Dr. Jane Greer, New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship, "If you're worried that you're not doing enough, know that you're a better mom than you think you are and keep in mind that you don't have to do anything — just being there for your kids works wonders. If they need a shoulder to cry on, if they're frustrated or sick, you're right there for them all the time."

4. You're the cheerleader

Who has two thumbs and thinks that everything her kid makes is the work of a genius? This gal. Patricia Di Gasbarro, founder and president of Shoosha Truly Organic, explains to SheKnows, "Your child feels emotionally and physically safe with you. They can get up and sing their heart out, dance full out, do any artwork at all, and you will always think it's the most brilliant piece of art you've ever seen."

5. You're the human Kleenex

Were you born to be a Kleenex? No. But you have adapted to the role beautifully. Take a moment to give yourself a slow clap in the mirror for cleaning up more carnage than a crime scene cleaner sees in a good year.

6. You conquer your fears

To say that I was scared pants-less with my first kid would be an understatement. But I put one foot in front of the other and made it through that frightening first year, and so did you. Nicole Ryan, SiriusXM Morning Mashup talk show host and first-time mom, agrees: "I've never been so scared to do anything in my life as I was to become a mom. However, it turns out that the whole maternal instinct thing is real."

7. You "let it go"

Just a few years into parenting, and I'm ready to drop the Stepford Wife act. These days, if we make it through the afternoon without a toddler Fight Club or a meal thrown on the floor, I feel pretty accomplished. Julie McCaffrey, Chief Baby Planner of BabyNav Baby Planners, adds, "Your baby doesn't appreciate if you are giving him store-bought baby food instead of organic homemade purees, and he doesn't care if his onesie matches his socks and he definitely doesn't care if you are teaching him sign language. But he does know you love him with all your heart and are there to protect him and care for him forever."

8. You think about your kids nonstop

Every time I slip out of the house for an afternoon to myself, I inevitably find myself thinking about my sons. Am I crazy? Nope. I just happen to like them a lot. Akilah Serna, C.E.O. of Belly and Babe, explains how she stays connected with her kiddos during the workday, "I often find myself thinking about something funny they said or even something frustrating they did. It runs the gamut but usually ends up making me smile as I go through my day."

9. You make your family proud

I know motherhood is a selfless job that isn't about the accolades, but I'll take compliments where I can get 'em. You know it, and I know it — when someone you care about pats you on the back for being a great mom, it makes your year. Serna says, "I knew I was a better mom than I often thought I was when my mother said to me how proud she was of the wife and mother I have become."

More on moms

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1081246/reasons-youre-a-better-mom-than-you-thinkTue, 05 May 2015 18:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1081558/tips-for-eco-friendly-new-moms
Living life as an eco-friendly mama shouldn't add more of a burden to your crammed to-do list. Follow these ideas to simplify your green life as a new mom. 1. Ointment on the double

2. Whip up a puree

Store-bought baby food is expensive, and you can only use those little glass bottles for so many DIY crafts. Not sure where to start? These simple recipes from Annabel Karmel are easy-peasy.

3. Make reusable wipes

You will not believe how many wipes that little baby bottom will require before it's time to potty train. Cut your costs substantially and unclog our nation's landfills by making your own cloth wipes with this guide from Thinking Outside the Sandbox Family.

4. Try a diaper service

Speaking of landfills, the eco-friendly mom should consider replacing disposable diapers with cloth ones. If the idea of cloth diapering sounds like a messy and horrifying endeavor, search for a diapering service that will clean and deliver fresh clothies to your front door.

5. Glob your paint

If your little one is ready to get messy with some paints — or if you want to make footprint or handprint art — make sure that he or she is fiddling with the all-natural variety. Glob paints are made from fruits, veggies, flowers and spices for an eco-friendly alternative to normal paints. (Amazon, $24)

6. Ditch disposable food pouches

Those little food pouches are handy, but they're also a total waste of packaging. If you make your own baby food, you can store it in reusable food pouches for a green alternative to the store-bought kind. (Amazon, $15 for 4)

7. Buy recycled clothing

Yes, you can buy "new" recycled or eco-friendly baby clothing at the store, but there is another budget-friendly alternative at your fingertips. Shop at a thrift store or garage sale for eco-friendly finds. Seriously. Anything you buy secondhand is 100 percent recycled (and cheaper, to boot).

8. Check out that glass

Classic glass bottles are BPA-free and fully recyclable, so they are a great choice for the eco-friendly, bottle-feeding mom. Evenflo offers a nice option at a reasonable price point, unlike many glass bottles on the market. (Babies 'R' Us, $11 for 3)

9. Mix a homemade cleaner

Keep your baby's nursery smelling fresh with an eco-friendly homemade cleaner. Follow this tutorial from One Project Closer for an all-purpose cleaner that relies on the properties of vinegar and sweet-smelling essential oils for a powerful and odor-busting clean.

10. Use organic bedding

Many crib mattresses contain plastics that are linked to irritation. You can bypass this potential problem by using an organic mattress, like this one by Naturepedic. Just make sure to use organic bed linens, too. (Amazon, $259)

11. Rattle a wooden toy

Swap plastic toys for wooden ones as much as possible in order to avoid harsh chemicals (just make sure the wood is finished with natural paints or stains). These personalized organic toys, for instance, are just the cutest. They're totally safe for your baby to glom on to, in any way he or she wants. (Etsy, $18)

12. Chew on a Sophie

You know that Sophie the Giraffe is perennially popular. But did you know that she is eco-friendly, too? The Sophie teether is free of BPA and phthalates, and made from 100 percent natural rubber and food paint. (Babiees 'R' Us, $25)

This post was brought to you by Green Works.

More for new moms

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1081558/tips-for-eco-friendly-new-momsMon, 04 May 2015 13:30:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1080114/almost-free-ways-to-treat-yourself-this-mothers-day
You already know that your husband is going to get you flowers and your mother-in-law is going to get you a Bed Bath & Beyond gift certificate for Mother's Day. But if you're being honest with yourself, these cliché gifts just aren't going to hit the spot this year.Somebody has to say it. If you want to make it through your time as a mom and actually enjoy yourself, you have to start taking care of number one. As the instructions state when preparing for takeoff, make sure you put on your own oxygen mask first before you help the child next to you. In translation: Mother's Day is the perfect excuse to make yourself a priority, practice self-love and recharge your depleted batteries.

Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills relationship psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent and co-star of Sex Box (airs Fridays at 10/9c on WE) explains: "Motherhood is a privilege and relentless 24/7 job. One day each year, on Mother's Day, every mother should allow herself the indulgence of being pampered and adored. However she enjoys it, she should accept the gifts of her spouse and children to partake in all of the choices listed below. Different strokes for different folks — let mom relish in it all!"

Hear that? You're a badass mom and now it's time to celebrate that you made it through another year in one piece.

1. Sleep in

Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, advocates an even bigger payoff of a Mother's Day snooze-fest: "Sleep has been linked to healthy sexual desire. While more research is needed, snooze and see if you're more in the mood or if it makes for better sex."

2. Morning at a coffee shop

Belah Rose, podcaster and author of Delight Your Husband, explains why she savors a solo coffee date whenever she can get it: "Sometimes, the best thing for a mama is an opportunity to wander away from all the to-dos. One of my favorite, rare but savory, treats involves grabbing a paperback (yes, I'm talking the real stuff) and my journal. I slip into an outfit that makes me feel confident and relaxed. I tell my hubby when I'll be home and leave my phone behind. I stroll leisurely to the coffee shop around the corner. If all I get 'done' is half a page because my mind travels away to interesting ideas and warm feelings, then I know I'm right where I should be... until I return to my loves, and I know it again."

3. Afternoon staycation

If you're a busy mom with a handful of kids in the backseat, it's a given that you are not fully appreciating the city you live in. Check out this massive staycation ideas list for 90 U.S. cities for inspiration — and plan an afternoon of fun by yourself.

5. Backyard winetasting

Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D., sociologist, speaker, writer and relationship and intimacy counselor, shares her idea of Mother's Day fun with SheKnows: "Invite several of your mom friends over, have a few wines and treats to sample and have your partner or children be in charge of serving you and your guests — and clean up afterwards!"

6. Beauty counter makeover

Jennifer Trotter, Fort Worth makeup artist and beauty expert with more than 20 years of experience, says, "If you've been focusing on your family instead of your looks, why not treat yourself to a makeover this Mother's Day? Try a quick makeup counter tutorial to freshen up your technique. Finally learn how to match your foundation, branch out into brighter colors or how to master a smoky eye for a gift you can give yourself anytime you feel like amping up your makeup game."

7. Exercise

Be honest: When was the last time you got to break a sweat without pushing a stroller or walking with a baby strapped to your back? Leigh Anne O'Connor, I.B.C.L.C., parenting expert and private practice lactation consultant, describes her perfect Mother's Day: "My idea of a perfect pampering Mother’s Day is to sleep in, have a cup of tea and go to a yoga class. Later that day, I would love to have a delicious meal cooked by my husband and children with a nice glass of wine. For me, this is the ultimate self-care. Everyone is taken care of, I am taken care of, and we are all happy."

8. Playtime

As Iris Krasnow emphasizes in The Secret Lives of Wives, exploring a favorite childhood hobby is one of the best ways to get back in touch with your true self. She says, "My advice is don't wait until you are in your seventies to resurrect a sport or hobby that once filled you with purpose and direction. At every age and every stage… Keep thinking. Keep exploring. Most important, keep moving."

11. Wine and a bubble bath

Feel guilty about wasting an entire day on yourself? O'Connor sums it up nicely: "I love modeling self-care for my children — it shows them it is important to respect yourself, that everyone is important and needs to thrive. Taking the time to treat oneself respectfully builds self-esteem — just as important as modeling care for others. Life is about balance."

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1080114/almost-free-ways-to-treat-yourself-this-mothers-dayMon, 04 May 2015 06:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1082796/teen-mother-throws-baby-from-bridge-in-attempted-murder-suicide
Police are calling what happened on the bridge above the Lehigh River in Allentown, Pennsylvania, an attempted murder-suicide. A 19-year-old mother was seen pushing her 1-year-old son across the Hamilton Street Bridge at about 1:45 p.m. on Sunday afternoon. Witnesses say the young mother stopped, took her baby out of the stroller and threw him into the water, jumping in after.

Mom throws baby off bridge 2

Mom throws baby off bridge 2

Mother and Baby fell 52 feet to the shallow river below. With moments, police were at the scene where they found the mother conscious and washed up on the riverbank. Police officers Joseph Iannetta and John Leonard pulled the baby boy from the river about 700 yards downstream and used CPR to revive him. Both mom and baby were rushed to Lehigh Valley Hospital-Cedar Crest in critical condition but are expected to recover.

According to Capt. Reinik, this troubling event looks like an attempted murder-suicide. Police will continue to investigate and charges against the mother have not yet been filed.

As onlookers, it's almost impossible to imagine what this mom could have been going through. What made her think she had no other options than to attempt to end her and her child's lives? Tossing a baby from a bridge may be extreme, but postpartum depression is real — affecting an estimated nine to 16 percent of mothers, according to the American Psychological Association.

The tricky thing about postpartum depression, or PPD, is that it is something we are just beginning to talk openly about. Many women still feel ashamed to share PPD symptoms with family and friends. And when we are too scared to talk about the overwhelming anxiety and depression we are experiencing after having a baby, at what should be the most wonderful time in our life, there's no way we're going to get help.

We can't know for sure if this young mom has untreated postpartum depression, but it is clear she is in desperate need of help. And if she is suffering from severe PPD that made her feel like she was at the end of her rope, the truth is that she could have been any one of us. PPD is no respecter of persons.

Hopefully, this rescue can turn a near tragedy into a turning point event. If this young mom can get the help she needs, she can heal and return to raising her son in a life that is worth living. And if you are out there silently identifying with this desperate mother, you can use her story as your cry for help. Postpartum depression is real. If at any time parenting makes you feel like you are out of options, please, please ask for help.

More on postpartum depression

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1082796/teen-mother-throws-baby-from-bridge-in-attempted-murder-suicideFri, 01 May 2015 10:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1079890/things-moms-really-want-for-mothers-day
A Mother's Day brunch is great and all, but what about some sleep? A day off from household chores? A lifetime supply of wine? Don't waste your money on gifts that will never be used — give the mom in your life what she really wants for Mother's Day this year.As a somewhat experienced mom who will be celebrating my fourth Mother's Day this year, I'm confident I know a thing or two about what makes moms tick. Here is a big, fat hint: It isn't roses (though they certainly don't hurt). It isn't breakfast in bed (though I'll eat that too).

It's everything we deprived moms don't get enough of in our daily lives.

More on Mother's Day

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1079890/things-moms-really-want-for-mothers-dayTue, 21 Apr 2015 10:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1078304/things-i-wish-id-known-about-breastfeeding
When I became a mother, there was never a doubt in my mind about whether or not I would breastfeed.Sure, guilt may have been a huge factor in that decision, and four years of nursing school and years working in OB were probably an extreme motivator, but bottom line? Breast was best for me and my baby.

That being said, however, after four babies and a combined 43 months of breastfeeding so far (my youngest is 7 months old and still going strong), I have to admit that the reality of breastfeeding a baby is far, far different than the expectations I had as a brand-new mom starting out. I definitely wish I had known more about the actual process of breastfeeding before I began my own nursing journey.

1. Breastfeeding changes everything about your life

Honestly, there's not an aspect of your life that won't be affected by breastfeeding. It changes how you view the world. My body image, my marriage, my free time, my work — it's all different now. Not all necessarily in bad ways, but just in ways I didn't necessarily expect.

2. You will love it and hate it all at the same time

Any breastfeeding mother could probably talk about the love-hate relationship that breastfeeding brings. Because of the very fact that you love the unique bond that only you can give your baby, it's also an incredible amount of pressure to be the only one that can give that to your baby. I love that I'm the one everyone turns to when the baby is crying, but at the same time I'm the one that everyone turns to when the baby is crying.

3. It is what you make it

With my first baby, I almost resented how much my baby had to eat non-stop. It seemed like I never got to enjoy eating at family parties, couldn't ever finish a full conversation and was always worried about leaking through my shirt everywhere I went.

But once I popped that second kid out, I realized that I could totally re-frame how I thought about feeding my baby. Instead of resenting those "interruptions" in my life, I found that it made me a lot more peaceful and happy if I looked at them as welcome rests and breaks — and almost like sneaky little baby cuddles that I wouldn't have otherwise gotten.

4. You might risk ruining your baby taking a bottle forever

I guess I just kind of assumed that all babies would take a bottle, breastfed or not, because people always made it sound like breastfeeding was the "hard" choice while babies would automatically love formula if given the chance to suck it down. Um, no. That definitely did not happen for me. When I went back to work or, heaven forbid, tried to leave my baby to do crazy things like grocery shop, three out of four of them refused a bottle of any kind. Breastfeeding may be best, but your baby will not let you forget it and may refuse to take a bottle at all, which is all sorts of fun.

5. It makes you feel like an animal

Sure, celebrities like Oliva Munn can look beautiful and serene breastfeeding their babes on the covers of magazines, but when you're running around at home, it's 90 degrees out on a hot July day and your baby is starving, you feel nothing but the realization that breastfeeding is one of the most primitive acts ever. (Besides actually making and birthing the baby, I guess.)

6. It will probably make you feel just a teensy bit competitive

You may hate me for saying it, but oh well. It is what it is. Secretly, while I really don't care about the reasons why other mothers formula feed (and I'm well aware some aren't making a real choice, but have no other choice), I still sometimes compare breastfeeding vs. formula feeding. I don't think any choice is more superior, but on my dark days, sometimes it feels like breastfeeding mothers can't get a break in the same ways that formula feeding moms can, simply because our bodies won't let us. It's not like those boobs shut off, you know?

More on breastfeeding

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1078304/things-i-wish-id-known-about-breastfeedingWed, 15 Apr 2015 08:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1081166/oversharing-mom-targeted-on-facebook-by-mean-girl-friends
When I first got pregnant, my husband and I had a big talk. We didn't want to be like "them," the parents who clog the feed with pictures of their precious baby for the next 18 years. But almost four years into parenting, I've realized it's inevitable. Even the most self-aware parent is going to post a stupid status about their kid on occasion.Still, I try to remain conscious of the fact that my child-free friends, and even those with children, don't always want to hear it. Jade Ruthven, 33-year-old mother from Perth, Australia, was slapped with this harsh reality in the form of an anonymous "Mean Girl" letter sent to her on Facebook.

What was Ruthven's Facebook offense? The anonymous letter claimed that she shared too many pictures and statuses about her baby daughter. The snarky letter, which Ruthven forwarded to comedian Em Rusciano to share with her social media followers, said that her friends were "so over" her Facebook abuse.

Here are a few highlights from the catty note:

"I have got together with a few of the girls and we are SO OVER your running commentary of your life and every single thing Addy does."

"We can't wait for you to get back to work - maybe you won't have time to be on Facebook quite so much."

"Our kids are great too."

"We are doing this to let you know what people really think."

Facebook letter

Facebook letter

In her op-ed piece for News.com.au, Rusciano says, "My initial reaction was: 'That is some Lindsay Lohan, Mean Girls, burn book, on Wednesdays we only wear pink bullsh**.' It’s not like she busted into their houses armed with life-size portraits of her child dressed as a tiny adorable pumpkin and demand that they be hung on every wall. Obviously in some people's opinion she's been overdoing it on the proud mother moments. Annoying, yes. Worthy of an anonymous poison pen situation, no."

When reading through this letter, I laughed, I cried and then I got a little sick to my stomach. To be totally honest, I have been those mean girlfriends before. Pre-kids, and especially in the early baby stage when I was very insecure as a new mom, I was fed up with the happy baby overload on my Facebook feed. Thankfully, I didn't have the balls, or rather the idiocy, to write that kind of letter to a few choice oversharing mom friends.

Just like I was a few years ago, the women who sent this letter are probably very, very insecure.

It's true that social media parent overshares have become an annoying phenomenon, but it helps to put it all in perspective. There are plenty of people I know who take way too many pictures of their food, or of their cats, or of their antique coffee table that they refurbished by hand.

I do think parents could stand to be a little more self-aware, but then again, so could everybody else on my Facebook feed. In reality, we are just talking about a voluntary community of grown-ass adults. If you don't like how your friends behave on Facebook, it may be time to question your choice in friends. If you just can't stand what another mom is posting, do yourself — and her — a favor and unfollow.

More on parenting and social media

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1081166/oversharing-mom-targeted-on-facebook-by-mean-girl-friendsTue, 14 Apr 2015 12:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1077013/breathtaking-c-section-scar-tattoos
No matter how you got that baby out of you, giving birth is cause for celebration. These moms took it one step further by turning their C-section scars into works of art.Whether you gave birth vaginally or via C-section, your body may never be the same again. But it is possible to turn often embarrassing physical changes, like stretch marks and C-section scars, into something you can be proud of.

More on parenting

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1077013/breathtaking-c-section-scar-tattoosMon, 13 Apr 2015 09:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1076843/i-went-back-to-therapy-to-become-a-happier-mom
My husband was the first one to notice something was wrong. I was rocking our 6-month-old daughter, crying silent tears. "Do you think you need to speak with someone?" he suggested gently.I denied that I was depressed for the next seven years. But late last year, I decided to stop wearing the mask and admitted something to myself that I had never said out loud before: "I'm not OK."

As mothers, there's always so much to do, so many other people to take care of, that there isn't a lot of time for quiet self-reflection. I buried a lot of hurt and anger in an attempt to keep it together for my children. But what I quickly realized was that I was robbing them of a childhood with an emotionally healthy mother. This was one sacrifice I didn't have to make.

I scheduled an appointment with a therapist and fought the urge to call and cancel.

I'm glad I didn't. Within three sessions, I felt the clouds lift. The sun was indeed shining, for the first time in years.

I was gung-ho about this new chapter when my 8-year-old daughter approached me with a question: "Why do you go to the doctor so much?"

I chose to be forthcoming. "I go see a therapist," I told her. "Do you know what a therapist is?"

She shook her head.

"Well, a therapist is like a buddy. You talk to them about things that are going on in your life and they give you advice and help you make better decisions."

She chewed on her lip while she tried to digest what I just said. "Oh, OK." Conversation over.

Here's the thing: therapy doesn't feel like therapy. It feels like meeting with a good friend every couple weeks and I do most of the talking. My therapist asks important questions, and as I mull over my response, I usually come to a new revelation. All the stereotypes I had about therapy — the biggest being that only "crazy" people go — have been shattered.

I'm kicking myself for taking so long to go, and not seeking help when postpartum depression first reared its ugly head. There's something to be said for tackling your problems sooner rather than later.

It is an investment in myself. Even though I have pretty good insurance, there's money coming out of my pockets for every session. It's a sacrifice my family has to make and, luckily, we have the money to afford it. But I will gladly forgo going out to dinner or buying a new pair of shoes to tend to my mental health. There's no question that peace of mind is much more important.

More on parenting

]]>http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1076843/i-went-back-to-therapy-to-become-a-happier-momThu, 09 Apr 2015 09:00:00 -0700http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1078638/what-attachment-parenting-is-like-when-you-adopt
What pops into your head when you hear "attachment parenting"? Baby-wearing? Co-sleeping? Attachment parenting is a parenting style that promotes maternal-child bonding between mother and baby as early as possible in a child’s life. Infants are vulnerable, needy little creatures and ideally, new moms are ready to nurture them. The goal is to establish trust right off the bat, setting the tone of the parent-child relationship. Sounds warm and fuzzy, right?

But what about adoption?

For a child adopted as an infant, attachment parenting probably doesn’t look much different, but what about older children? Foster care adoptions and the majority of placements through non-domestic programs (e.g., China, Ethiopia, Bulgaria) usually aren’t babies. For these nontraditional families, attachment parenting sometimes looks different.

Some approaches to post-adoption attachment parenting may seem weird or elicit disapproval from friends or family:

"I never did that and my kid turned out fine.""No harm ever came to a child from letting him cry it out.""You’re babywearing your 3-year-old? What the what?"

We adopted our son Zack when he was two. He’d been living with a foster family for 18 months, and naturally he trusted them to meet his basic needs: feed him when he was hungry, comfort him when he was upset. Then my husband and I showed up. We were strangers, and it was a completely normal reaction for his secure little world to be shattered. It was important to establish a bond and make him feel safe as quickly as possible. Here are some of our attachment techniques:

1. Baby-wearing (yes, we tried it)

We attempted to use an Ergo carrier to promote skin-to-skin closeness that parents of newborns experience organically. Uh… not so much. A wiggly toddler wasn’t down with being squished against a stranger when there were so many things to see and explore. Plus, lugging around a 25-pound kid was murder on my back. The sling was a moderately helpful alternative to a stroller at times, but we pretty quickly ditched it as an attachment tool.

2. Cocooning

Cocooning means keeping a child’s world small: not venturing outside unless absolutely necessary and limiting visitors. Newly adopted kids, especially older children, might see anyone who shows them attention as a parental figure. If I child is bombarded with Mom, Grandma and Aunt Carol, confusion (and behavior problems) might stem from lack of clarity on who’s who. Some families even set limits on social interaction outside the immediate family for short periods of time.

While we didn’t cocoon, we did limit situations where our little guy would be overwhelmed by new people. We didn’t have company and avoided large groups of people for a few weeks, but we didn’t hunker down at home. I had limited maternal leave so our son needed to get used to other people. Besides, staying home 24/7 would have made me crazy and I decided my kid didn’t need a crazy mom.

3. Skipping "cry it out"

Bedtimes can be rough — especially for young kids who might be struggling with the "what just happened here?" feeling. We’re at our most vulnerable when we lay down to sleep, and kids may struggle with memories of their old routine or miss their caregivers.

Letting a child whose place is established in your family "cry it out" may be something you’re OK with, but a newly adopted child might just need extra reassurance that you’re nearby and that they’re not alone in this unfamiliar place.

Parenting might look different for a new adoptive family as they navigate their new normal. We took our cues from our kid, applied a lot of trial and error and a little common sense and found what worked for us… and that’s no different from any family out there. Attachment parenting applied by an adoptive family may look strange, but who really get to decide what’s normal, anyway?