Strange Currencies

A word, a signal, a nod, a little breath

I calmed down eventually. I really like the Christmas
Tree lights I put up in here. Kind of relaxing.

I am actually really relaxed right now. If it wasn't
for Oscar being a jack ass I'd be completely relaxed.
I hope Dani finds a new home for him soon. He is
getting on my nerves. Anyways, as I scanned in my
drawings l put on the Violent Femmes, and then
eventually stopped at the song Good Feelings and put it on
repeat. it is a good wind down song.

Good feeling
Won't you stay with me just a little longer
It always seem like you're leaving
When I need you here just a little longer.

Vague sketch of a fantasy
Laughing at the sunrise
like he's been up all night.
Ooo slippin' and slidin',
what a good time but now
have to find a bed
that can take this weight.

Good feeling
Won't you say stay with me just a little longer
It always seem like you're leaving
when I know the other one
just a little too well.
Oh dear lady
won't you stay with me just a little longer
y'know it always seem it always seem like you're
leaving
when I need you here just a little longer.

I was in a great fucking mood. And that seemed to
collapse upon itself. Instead of coffee I am now
drinking beer.

I went for another walk today. This time down to
Willow Coffee House. Its my
favorite coffee house in Cleveland. Its just
over a mile away, an easy walk. It also helped
that is a gorgeous day outside. Sunny, about 50
degrees outside. I took my sweater off and was
walking in just jeans and t-shirt, cause it felt
so nice.

I got to Willow and before I ordered I asked if they
took credit (or debit really) but he said cash only,
which I quasi remembered from being there before. I
walked across the street to the bank and tried the
atm there. It was out of cash so I tried the atm next
door, which also failed to give me any cash. I was
standing on the sidewalk using my phone to find the
next nearest bank and saw three black (african
american, sorry) men walking down the street. As they
pass me one of them puts three fingers on my pants
and tries to get in my front pants pocket.

When I turn around to face them they are already a
few steps away, but the one who tried to get in my
pocket turns around, puts his arms and say "What,
what, what are you going to do about" and starts
walking towards me. Now I'm not violent, nor am I
really confrontational, and all of them were bigger
than me, not by a lot, but enough. So I called him an
asshole and told him to never fucking touch me again.

His friend comes up behind him and says they "oughta
beat the shit out of me." And I told them to go ahead
and try. The one who reached for my pocket said
something about taking a swing at me, to which I
called them all assholes and again said go ahead. At
this point they are only a few feet away from me, the
third guy is kind of far back and really isn't saying
anything.

They then turned away and started walking away saying
how lucky I was. I again called them all fucking
assholes and told them to stay the fuck away from me.
The first guys turned around and asked what I said,
and I said "you heard me, you're all assholes." I
stood and watched the walk away. So I walked back to
my apartment. And as more time passes it still pisses
me off. Its been about an hour or so and man it irks
me. Fuck those guys.

Like I said. I'm not violent, I'm not even that
confrontational. It takes a lot to get me upset,
annoyed or pissed off. But this, this really really
got to me. Hell I was in a great fucking mood. And
now I'm not. Instead of coffee at Willow's I'm in my
apartment having a beer. It's got me fired up and
pissed off at the same time. So I'm going to sit on
the couch, and read, and have a beer, and try to calm
down a little.

I've recently entered into a new relationship. By
recently I mean only this last week.

We're at that awkward nervous who knows what will
happen stage. Will it last, will it fail miserable
right away. We both are excited, but at the same time
we are scared nothing will come of it. It seems to
work, seems to be a good fit, seems to have
potential, but there are limiting factors also.

Yes, my apartment and I have entered a new
relationship with each other. I am working to keep it
clean and de-cluttered. I haven't left once this last
week with dirty dishes in the sink (thats right, new
goal, never leave a dirty dish in the sink when I
leave). The living room is as clean as it gets
(realistically it has cat toys spilling onto the
floor, that is a common thing though). The bathroom
is organized and things not needed in there were put
into the hallway closet. The bookcase was cleaned,
organized, dusted and put back into order with
several selections eliminated for drop off at the
Salvation Army (I have a decent sized pile for them).
There are no items out in the living room that belong
somewhere else. No small clutter. My bedroom and
bedroom closet are tonight's goals. Although my bed
is made.

can feel my apartment is nervous, its not used to
being treated like this. It wasn't that it didn't
like the old ways, just that this way is different.
But somehow better. I myself express doubts on my
ability to hold my end of the bargain up. Can I come
home from work and put things where they belong, and
not just drop them by the door. Can I shower and
immediately pick up my clothes from the bathroom
floor, not leave them for later. Can I make the bed
every morning or put laundry away as soon as its
clean. Its nerve wrecking, but exciting all at the
same time.

Like all new relationships there is the early thrill
of it all. But who knows how long it will last. Its
is good for now though. I love you apartment. You
rock. I hope you feel the same about me.

Yesterday, while walking back from Target, I made a
point to smile and say hi to just about anyone I
crossed paths with. Despite carrying the large bag of
cat litter (I have to go back now, I'm almost out of
cat food), I was in a great mood. I like walking
places. I like walks in general.

Anywho, I walked passed a slightly crazy looking guy
and smiled and said "hi." I had my headphones on and
was rocking out to 80's music, but I think he said hi
back. I set down the bag of cat litter a few feet
past him and stretched out a little. He came back up
to me and said hi and asked my name.

Normally when a stranger does this, especially a
slight crazed looking one, I know he's about to ask
for money. But Tom didn't ask for money. I took off
my headphones and said my name was AJ. He offered his
hand told me his name was Tom. His speech patterns
told me he wasn't quite all there. But he asked me if
I liked beer. I said yes (obviously) and he said
maybe we could get a drink sometime. I was kind of
shocked, but said maybe. He said he lived on West
Street and asked if I lived around there. I told him
I lived up on Lake street.

He looked genuinely happy to have someone to talk to.
Now I know what you're thinking (especially Dani,
cause she reminds all the time that I live on the
"West Side" of Cleveland), but I really got the
feeling he was just looking for a friend. He
reiterated that we should go to a bar and have a
drink sometime, and gave me a scrape of paper with
his name and phone number on it. Really, its a
scrape, a piece of cardboard. He didn't ask for my
number. Just said "Nice to meet you, give me a call
sometime and we can get a beer." And then after
shaking hands again he continued walking down the
street. The whole thing was maybe a minute or two
long.

Now when I said that he is not all there, I meant it.
He spoke very loud, had weird vocal intonations, and
I think I saw a tic in his face. But he was nice, and
I really do get the feeling he just wanted to make a
new friend. The way he walked was a little off. And
he was a little unkempt, but generally a just a nice
guy.

I found the scrape of paper while folding up my jeans
from yesterday. I had honestly forgotten all about
Tom. Who knows, maybe I'll give a call when I head to
Now That's Class next week.

Now I really need a neck or shoulder massage. I went
for a walk down to Staples to look at their sales
(the scanner I wanted wasn't on sale, but some
DVD-R's were). I've been looking at the Canon LiDE
200. It costs pretty much the same everywhere. But I
didn't want to purchase it then. I probably will look
around for comparable scanners for a while and keep
my eyes open for a deal.

I then proceeded to walk another half mile down the
street to Target. I picked up some coffee and a few
other small things and then realized I needed cat
litter. With only minimal thought to my situation I
bought a 25 pound bag of cat litter. I got out the
door and realized i was a mile and half (at least)
from home. The bag was bulky and awkward and
proceeded to rip a litter a few streets down the
road.

I ended up carrying it on my shoulders (yay titanium
collar bone). Now my neck is sore. And shoulders
hurt. But I'm home. Wooo. Actually I'm going to walk
to the lake to see how it looks before it gets too
dark out.

Ok. Last year's Thanksgiving was all sorts of suck. I
spent it with pizza (left over from the day before)
and beer. It was lonely and I was depressed. This
year, much better. Although I still was alone, I was
in a fantastic mood all day long. Strange the
difference a year makes. Anyways I crossed four
things off my list yesterday too.

I did laundry (laundry up the ass). Four loads. I
don't have a single dirty item in my apartment except
for a towel I used yesterday. I cleaned the kitchen.
I cleaned up that broken snow globe (Christmas Tree
Ornament, whatever). I went through my bookshelf and
got rid of some books. I dusted. I washed (part of
laundry) the covers to my couches. I lint brushed
everything (fraking cat, not you angelo). I cleaned
the bathroom. I watch a bunch of Twin Peaks episodes.
I hung Christmas tree lights around the living room.
I hung up a painting in the living room, a piece of
artwork in my hallway, and my Smashing Pumpkins LP
that is framed.

And on top of all that I caught up on my drawings,
drank a bottle and half of wine, and made myself a
Thanksgiving dinner. I was very motivated and upbeat
for some reason. It may have been the massive amount
of 80's music I listened too.

Today I slept in. I have since showered, talked to
Reg a lot, ate leftovers and scanned in most of my
drawings. I'm going to upload them and then go for a
walk. Later I pick one of my two closets to
declutter. This week I will have to make a Salvation
Army run.

My Thanksgiving day dinner. I had turkey breast,
wine, milk, stuffing, rice, salad, and rolls. For
dessert (which was hours later) I had coffee and a
piece of a pumpkin roll. And yes, I drink wine out of
a coffee mug. Its a PRS mug that Josh gave me for
Christmas last year. When I drink wine at home that
is what I use, its reserved for wine and nothing
else.

Soooo much has happened. The most important of course
is that I now have a pair of Wild West Sunglasses.
How kick ass is that!!!

They were my favorite sunglasses of all time, but
being that they were Burger King sunglasses they are
not the most durable. I love them though, and they
obviously look awesome still.

Anyways, I was going to go back to Buffalo for
Thanksgiving but I'm having second thoughts on the
idea. I have made a list of things I need to
accomplish relatively soon. For some reason I have
gotten it in my mind to de-clutter my apartment. I
started in the kitchen. I've decided to get rid of
half of my coffee mugs (which still leaves me 9
coffee mugs... I'm not sure where I got so many).
I've also got rid of a bunch of glasses. So its a
start.

But the rest of my list goes as such:
- Clean Up Snowglobe
(a Christmas tree ornament my mother made me broke
recently. It had all this glitter in it and is now
all over.)
- Laundry (particularly sheets, cats have shed all
over everything)
- De-Clutter (closets)
- Find Art Check (money)
- De-Book (my bookshelves are overflowing)
- Christmas Presents (I want to finish my christmas
presents)

So yes. I might be staying here all week and
finishing up my list (none of my previous lists get
completely finished, so I'll go for gold this time).

As I'm cleaning up my apartment and listening to
Radio Lab. The episode is all about Numbers. There is
a fantastic opening segment about how infants view
numbers completely different from us. How they see
the distance between the numbers 1 and 2 as far
greater than the distance between 9 and 10. Because
they see don't view things as single integers, adding
an object to another object doubles the amount you
have (1 + 1 = 2) but adding an object to a group of
objects doesn't double a group (9 + 1 = 10). It goes
on to say through reward and prompting they
eventually forget that notion of math and start to
see thing the way adults do. By integers (one is one
one is one is one, you can add one to anything its
still only increasing by one each time).

The second segment is about a strange russian
mathematician. Interesting, but not as good s the
first.

The third segment though. Seemed to hit home. Made me
think a little and relate to my own life (thats what
great about Radio Lab, the stories always relate or
make you think). It all about this guy who became pen
pals with his old high school math teacher. The write
math problems back and forth to each other and try to
confound each other. For years. When his teacher's
son dies abruptly he doesn't know how to respond, so
he doesn't. But the teacher goes on for years sending
more math problems, even when the narrator starts a
family and can't keep up with replying. A year or two
later the narrator's brother dies. And he gets a
letter with condolences about his loss from the
teacher.

The narrator mentions how bad he feels, about how
hard it was to just say "I'm sorry I never talked to
you about your son and your loss." But how the
teacher's letter hit him, and made him reach this
Bifurcation. Its a math term that states "when a
forces upon a system gets too large there can be a
moment when the dynamics of that system change
abruptly and qualitatively." (direct quote from the
show) He eventually goes to the teacher's house and
they talk about it, and their relationship changes at
that point. It more deep.

Anyways, bifurcation. I think this kind of relates to
how I forgive people. If I think of friendships and
family that have gone burning down in flames (really
only a few of them) and about how I deal with that
destruction of a friendship. I usually just cut off
contact, stop talking to them whatever. But to
forgive whatever destroyed that friendship takes so
little. Usually that non-contact goes on for a long
while, but it takes the littlest of effort to change
it.

I think of Rollin. We were college friends,
eventually roommates after college. We lived together
for a year or so (two years maybe). That was all
ending with his getting married. That's exciting
enough, but the last couple months of us living
together were also stressful because his sister
basically moved onto our living room couch. She also
worked a night job and was around all day. Our
apartment was a quaint (nice way of saying small) two
bedroom. A third person on our couch, not paying
rent, was infuriating. Anyways, this was stressful on
our friendship, but not crushing. Rollin wasn't
really dealing with the situation despite my
prompting to kick her out. This is all from my
perspective, I have no real clue what was going on in
Rollin's end.

Anyways, the last month or so of living was
particularly silent between us. I had assumed, being
that I was his roommate and all, and that we had been
friends for years, that I would be invited to the
wedding. But a month had passed since I literally
watched them send out wedding invitations. And I
never got one, and was never told I wasn't going to
the wedding. This was my good friend, my current
roommate, and I wasn't invited. And no excuse was
given. It wasn't even spoken. It was like this
unspoken argument between us (granted this was from
my perspective). He moves out, gets married, and
that's that.

We didn't speak for years (three). And then right
before I moved to Cleveland Rollin called me up. He
had heard I was moving and wanted to see me before I
me before I moved. That was it. We hadn't talked in
years. And despite how things had ended, here it was
coming up again. He wanted to hang out before I
moved. That was all I needed to forget I was upset
about not being invited to his wedding. That whole
issue, gone. And really has never been brought up. It
doesn't need to be. He came down and hung out all
weekend. It was a great weekend, like old times.
We've talked a bunch since then, I saw him a few
weekends ago in Buffalo (he lives in Canada now).

Bifurcation. A splitting. A fork. I suppose being a
guy it is easy to forgive a friend. Slight bit of
pressure, and blam, the normal order is changed and
split. Maybe its over complicating it. But that what
I thought of after hearing it.

I spent my Friday sadly drinking some whiskey and
reading. I didn't even upload my daily drawings
(although again I scanned them). I'll get to that in
a little bit. I also watched G.I. Joe: The Rise of
Cobra. Upon second viewing, not that great. So I
watched Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Again,
not that great. The only redeeming quality to those
movies was the Buffalo Chicken Dip I made to eat
while watching them. (which proceeded to make me as
fat as the Reggio's pizza from the other night).

Wait!! I didn't tell you (here on my blog) about
Reggio's. I was shopping at Aldi's Thursday night and
came across a frozen pizza called Reggio's. And since
Reggie is my good friend since 6th grade. Been
through a lot. Anyways I could not help but pick up a
pizza that I regard as named after Reggie. So I ate
Reggio's pizza. And told Reg it made me feel fat. He
said "you're not fat until you are Reggio's fat." So
yes my chicken dip made me feel Reggio's fat. And the
salad I ate before the dip was no help.

Anyways its ten am on Saturday. Its supposed to be
gorgeous today (just like Ithaca....Hahahaha. Never
gets old). So I'm getting a start of my day.

Things to do today.
Shower :
Hit up Staples (I need CD-R's and get good scans of
some drawings):
Go for a walk :
Burn CD's :
Go to Now That's Class (to get out of my apartment
and have a drink):
Get a Library Card (this is just a thought):
Put mix CD together :
Get to work on Christmas present :
Write in novel thingie :

I have realized I have few friends to hang out with
here in Cleveland. Last night I wanted nothing more
than to go out and get a drink with someone, but had
no one to get a drink with. It was a long frustrating
day and I just wanted to commiserate. Maybe its my
fault. I'm friendly people, but making connections
with new people for friendships isn't as easy as it
came when you saw people every day (say in high
school or college). Also being broke doesn't help.
Oddly, if I was to move now, instead of moving closer
to my friends, I've kind of got it in my mind to move
further away. Not to say I will. I doubt I will. But
in this current lonesome morning, I have half a mind
to hop in my car and drive to Minnesota or something.

That quote from Glory Days was right: "The bitch
about getting older, you know, you don't fling
yourself into love and friendships the way you did
before you got hurt. That's a damn shame."

I woke up and tried to remember it and did, but after
my shower its gone. I had this dream where.... I
don't know. I just remember everything was doubled.
LIke twins. Twin doors, twin gates, twin people.
Except for me. I had no twin (yes I know, tiddle is
close), but there was a whole storyline to this dream
that I can't remember.

A few weeks ago I had about Kenmore Middle. Everyone
was there. It was an interesting dream. Maybe I'll
type it up later tonight after work.

Also, look up Radio Lab. It has become my
favorite radio show. It has the most
interesting, well told stories about science and
life in general I have ever herad. You can't
help but become a fan when you listen to it.

On a second also, I decided to take part in the
National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo. The goal is to
write a short novel by the end of November. I'm
late starting but basically I just decided to
jot down all my random memories and stories in
one spot. But its fun. I'll post some when I'm
done.

I was back in Buffalo this weekend for the Whiskey
Classic. The Whiskey Classic is a frisbee golf
tournament Invented by a few of my friends. This is
the second year I've played in the tournament. The
way it works is that you drink a shot of whiskey for
every stroke you lose the hole by. A few rules are in
place to ensure survivability. First rule is the
majority rule. If a majority of players decide you
need to stop, you stop. Second rule is a maximum of
two shots per hole. Third is that after ten holes it
goes down to half shots instead of full shots. There
are other things, like socials and mulligans but that
the gist of it.

The tournament is 27 holes long. Afterwards there is
an extremely long grilling period to celebrate and
recover. We had particularly nice weather this year.
A little windy but over 60 degrees out so it was
gorgeous. We all started really well this year. Mike
took an early lead after losing the first hole. Brian
was in close pursuit with Marc and I only a few
strokes off. Mike eventually pulled away but after
the opening ten holes things started to get
interesting. Brian had a few losing holes and started
having trouble keeping his game together. Marc pulled
ahead of me to come close to catching Mike.

Around hole 23 Brian had to be cut off. He was
eventually just throwing the frisbee on the ground
fifteen feet in front of him. Or into the woods.
Regardless it wasn't going anywhere near or towards
the basket anymore. He accepted being cut off pretty
complacently.

Thing got really interesting going into hole 27. Marc
and Mike were in a dead heat. It was all down to the
last hole. I was still playing and may have said a
comment or two about how Brian should have kept
playing (not drinking, no one wanted that, but keep
throwing his frisbee so at least he could say he
played the whole tournament). Anyways as I am walking
towards my frisbee for the second throw Brian tackles
me. I'm not sure why, as I was far from heckling or
harassing ( that I recall, I had more than a few
shots in me at the time). Anyways, Brian tackled me,
and I wrestled him into a headlock and held him there
till Mike and Marc finished their hole (Brian looked
a little angry at the time so I didn't want to let
him up). Mike came back and held Brian at bay while I
got up.

A little while later, while Marc was celebrating his
first ever Whiskey Classic victory, Mike was grilling
and Brian confessed someone had told him to tackle me
but couldn't remember who (this is less than 20
minutes after he had tackled me). He seemed over it
but he also went into a zen sort of drunken coma
where he just sat there without really looking or
talking to anyone. But he recovered rather quickly
(not before making a comment that he should stab me).
Multiple kinds of meat were grilled and feasted upon.
Copious amounts of re-hydrating beverages were drank
and the conversation on the drive home was fantastic.

I live alone. Lately I've been listening to WGR 550 am in the mornings
through my computer. WGR is the Buffalo sports
station. I just can't get into Cleveland sports.
I've never been one to like basketball or
baseball, and despite the Browns having beat the
Bill this year I cannot get beyond how much they
suck. Plus I just don't have interest in them.

My desktop computer is in the living room and not far
from the bathroom so I leave the door open when I
shower in the mornings. This allows me to listen to
WGR while showering. I get all my Bills talk and
Sabres talk before even leaving for work. It makes
sense, I live alone (I wouldn't do this if I lived
with someone, I'm nicer than that, but currently I
don't live with anyone).

Today however someone jumped in the shower with me.
It was Oscar, my cat. I was in the shower and over
the edge of the tub comes Oscar. It was sooooo weird.
And of course once the water hit him he jumped out
and ran. Oscar is a weird cat. He's been in the tub
before when water wasn't running. Looking at the
drain, drinking some water dripping, whatever. That
stuff isn't weird. I've seen a lot of cats do that. I
even caught him sleeping in the sink before.

All that, its not so weird. Jumping the shower with
me, weird. Considering how fast he hopped out after
getting wet I doubt he'll do it again, but it makes
me think about going back to showering with the door
closed, and forgetting about listening to WGR in the
mornings.

I woke up today and thought it was Wednesday. It was
awful when my world came shattering down on me and I
realized it was actually Tuesday. However I did get
to a roller skating rink today. And While I didn't
skate, my arms were almost pulled off at kids grabbed
hold of them while they fell down.

Time to scan in pictures and head to bed.

Quote of the day:
"Either that was a computing error or you're the most
romantic robot I've ever known."