Life in Technicolour

I was sixteen and struggling with anxiety and the beginnings of bi polar.

She said to me something that I will never forget. For all the wrong reasons.

“Life is not black and white, Lucy,” she said – “there are so many shades of grey in between.”

Yes, I thought… and I am NOT a grey person, nor ever aspire to be one. In her mind grey was good – grey was reliable, normal, stable… to me grey was dull, boring, normal, lacking in life or authenticity.

No grey for me. I’d leave the rest of the world with their suits and office hours and grey lives.

I understood her point – but what she was pointing out was my bi polar perspective on life, as though I could, and more importantly, SHOULD rationalise it away.

But grey does not equal happy. Or fully alive. Or creative.

Life is not grey – she is every hue – she is all and nothing.

Every once in a while I would wrestle with her words again. Understanding her intention. Physically and emotionally disagreeing with grey.

Yesterday I was talking to some really special designer women from Dream Inspired Design. We were dreaming aloud together new visual stuff for Dreaming Aloud…

I was explaining my vision really clearly to them, and the layers of soul meaning behind it. When sharing how the new site (shhh! it’s a secret, right ;)) would look (I am SO excited about it!!!!) I explained – I want lots of white space – clarity, a holding space to breathe, reflect and be held… and I want vibrancy – in the design and content. My current site has been bootstrapped. I have taken it as far as I can alone. So now I need the support and creativity of others to help me to more clearly express my vision. Clarity… and vibrancy. Space and technicolour, life and creativity.

They really got it – “you can’t have one without the other,” one said, “you need balance, to have the two in harmony. It sounds like you’re wanting to have the site reflect where you are now.”

Yes. This is what I am really embodying in my life. For years I thought I needed to control, apologise, calm down my technicolour – it was too weird and threatening for others – but trying to be grey that shut me down. So then I went for full on colour. Overcrowded, overwhelmed, too full. Which is unsustainable – so I’d crash and have my body impose the blank bits through illness and depression….

My new living mode… and blog design is full technicolour… held in calm space. And this is how I am living now – not damping down the colour – but allowing space for it… and me to emerge… and to recharge. Yoga or meditation in the morning (previously things I have DONE many times, cos I SHOULD.) Breathing. Praying. Reflecting. Dreaming. Red tenting. Moving. Factoring in holidays, self care and connection as PART of my work, not instead of.

Technicolour and white spaces.

She is right, life is not black and white. And never will it be grey for me.