Saturday, January 28, 2006

I love these.

Sólo para ti, Srta. Oodles! Because your blog has played a small but vital role in keeping me from napping under my desk during those long y boring days of clinical research this year.

Four jobs I've had:

1. Waitress at nursing home. I fucking hate old people now. (Oh I'm just KIDDING, take it easy and just read the story.) This was during my senior year of high school. It seems like a pretty easy job, y'know: walk around dining room in manner of stewardess asking nursing home residents if they want chicken or beef. Guess what? They CAN'T REMEMBER what they asked for 10 minutes later when you bring it out for them. And then they accuse you of deliberately sabotaging their meal. Like I'm secretly hording all the chicken meals for myself in the pockets of my big ugly apron. I tried to be apologetic when they demanded something else. (The OPPOSITE of what they had wanted 10 minutes ago.) I would gently explain that we were only preparing what you specified and I'm sorry if its not exactly what you wanted right now. So then some of them would get upset and throw their beef or chicken meals on the floor and demand a new one.

But that's not even the best part: One of the women was definitely in the throes of senile dementia and kept calling me "that hussy that did my Gerald." Did as in SLEPT WITH. Apparently sometime before dementia set in Gerald was steppin' out on her. Gerald died before I was born ya'll. But she said it so damn often that soon enough I started feeling like maybe I had done something. (Ok, that's not true, but she was a big ol' cup of crazy and I was afraid of her. We would always send the other waitress to replace her overturned tray of beef.)

2. Telephone fundraiser for Project Northwestern, junior and senior year of college. Project Northwestern was this fundraising campaign to raise $1,000,000,000.00 for NU. I guess we weren't paying enough tuition. (HAR HAR! I apologize, that's totally a joke my dad would make.) The crazy thing? They raised the billion dollars a full 2 years before their goal date. I was THAT GOOD. (I was actually terrible. I felt so bad interrupting alumni during their dinners, time with family, etc to beg for money that I would always agree with whatever they said and never follow the "conversation suggestions" in the little binder. I just wanted to get off the phone as soon as I possibly could. Even though that was the whole point of my job.)

OH MY GOD there are so many more lists to make. I was so happy with myself because I thought I was half done. I'll finish it tomorrow.