Sochi Expected to Be Ready by 2018 Olympics

SOCHI (The Borowitz Report)—Construction in Sochi is “very much on track” to be finished in time for the 2018 Winter Olympics, Russia’s head of Olympic planning said today.

“I’ve been accused of being overly optimistic, but I really think we’re going to make that 2018 deadline,” the official, Dmitri Brilosky, said. “Fingers crossed.”

Mr. Brilosky pointed with pride at the progress his team had made in constructing bathrooms at the site. “We’ve finished installing the surveillance cameras,” he said. “Now we’re getting ready to put in the toilets.”

The Russian official was more guarded when asked by a foreign reporter if all the elevator shafts would have elevators in them by 2018. “I’ll have to check on that,” he said. “That might be cutting it close.”