Learned the hard way, and now has a F*** Off Fund

Emma got stuck in a relationship she didn’t want to be in and paid off her ex-partner’s debts

Emma is a blogger called The Coupon Queen, who got into money saving three years ago after being left financially devastated by her ex-partner.

She left school and started working in a phone shop, quickly learning that she was very good at sales and started raking in the bonuses.

However, she started to find she was being treated badly there, and wanted to leave desperately – but couldn’t.

The blogger met her ex-partner there, and while she moved on to a better job with more money, he stayed – which he began to resent.

She said: “My relationship deteriorated quickly. He became jealous and emotionally manipulative. He destroyed my confidence.”

Emma said her ex-boyfriend “manipulated” her into taking on his £7,000 debt, before leaving her. She then left her job due to stress.

Emma believes that everyone should have a F*** Off Fund, so you can leave your job or relationship if you are not happy.
Emma revealed: “I know for a fact that had I had money behind me, I’d have left my job and ex-boyfriend in a heartbeat before I hit rock bottom.”

Happy in relationship but has a fund anyway

She thinks that we all like to believe that we will be in our relationships for ever, but you also have to be realistic.

Francesca told the Sun Online that she has seen from other people the importance of having a security blanket.

She said: “My dad left my mum very abruptly with no warning whatsoever – we returned home one day to find that he had taken all his stuff and moved to another part of the country.

“My mum had been working part time since she had my brother and I, and my dad handled all of the finances.

“She had nothing saved for herself, and when they went through the divorce she had to deal with the debt that he had got them in without her knowledge, pay the huge legal fees and sell the house that we had called home for 12 years.

“I was very angry with him, mainly because he had not given her any notice to sort out finances and get some money saved.”

Francesca said that she realises that this situation doesn’t happen to everyone, but divorce rates are on the rise.

Isabelle Hung, founder of Divorceclub.com, a site that supports people after a marriage breakdown, told the Sun Online: “Money is power – and it applies to marriage as much as it does to life.

“Part of any healthy relationship is that both people feel trust, secure and empowered.

“If any of these are missing, the marriage will fall into trouble. The partner who earns less can often feel less secure in the relationship, as they realise that if they left the marriage, there would be a big financial adjustment to make.

“To directly address this fear, they may begin to save in secret.

“Money if often cited as the top reason for divorce, and often begins around Christmas when higher than usual spending can lead to tension.

“Christmas is also a difficult time for many marriages, as people spend more time together as a family. This can be problematic if you don not get on, or if you cannot get on with the wider family.

“Add alcohol and tiredness into the mic and this just increases arguments and even violence as people struggle to control their impulses.”

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Francesca said that she has learned from the mistakes of her parents and has a fund for herself and her daughter, just in case anything happens to her relationship – even though they are blissfully happy now.

She revealed: “I’m not going to assume the route my life is going to take – but I might never need to use it, but as I do not have a crystal ball – I am going to protect myself.”

Francesca believes that too many people rely on their spouse and this is where the problems arise. She warned: “Making sure you are financially stable is the best way to protect yourself for the future, and have peace of mind.
“I don’t have a F*** Off Fund because I think my marriage won’t last, but there is no way of predicting the future, so it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

Used a F*** Off Fund to get out of a bad relationship

Kayleigh met her ex-husband when she was 17 years old, and he was 21. They got chatting in a shop and things moved very quickly – four months later, they got engaged in the back of a taxi.

Things started to go sour the day before their wedding when they had a huge argument in the street.

Kayleigh told the Sun Online: “I was so embarrassed. Someone had invited someone else and apparently it was my fault.

“I remember thinking then that I shouldn’t be feeling sad the day before my wedding.

“It sounds so cliche but I loved him.”

Kayleigh said that the wedding was great, but the next day she felt really sad.

The couple moved to an area where Kayleigh didn’t know anyone but her husband. She explained: “As I worked with new people and made friends it became apparent that he did not approve of me having friends.

“Whenever I made a friend and go to the cinema or for dinner, he would be moody and then criticise them.

“At the time I thought it was flattering that he wanted to spend his time with me, but as time went on it became a problem.

“I soon realised that it was easier to stay at home rather than go out without it. It wasn’t worth the sulking that I would have to endure for days afterwards.

“I missed out on going to nightclubs and birthday parties – as I was told it wasn’t what wives did.”

Kayleigh then started to really progress at work, getting promoted and set her sights on becoming store manager. However, her husband did not support her ambitions and they started to drift apart.

She said: “He wanted children, I wanted to buy a house and be financially secure.

“I remember the dread as I realised that we had different goals for our lives and as a married couple they did not correspond.”

Kayleigh’s ex-husband started to get jealous and accuse her of meeting men whenever she would work late. It all came to a head when after he seemed pleased when she was made redundant and told her not to look for another job.

She explained: “I realised that there was more to life than my marriage.

“I was in a toxic relationship and I was being bullied.”

It was at this point Kayleigh decided to start saving money. She revealed: “I started being more careful with money – something had clicked in my brain.

“I was going out to escape being at home but what I needed to do was to get out of that environment for good.

“I stopped going to football matches – even though I missed it, as it was such an expensive hobby.

“I kept my head down at home and continued to work hard and managed to save a few hundred pounds.”

Kayleigh realised that it wasn’t a huge amount of money – but it was enough to get out of the relationship and start somewhere new.

She explained: “I didn’t have a date in mind to leave, or a figure that I needed to save, I just needed to stretch it out long enough to get myself a bit of money behind me.”

It took an incident at work where a shop lifter threatened her, which pushed her to leave. The police were called and she was upset, but her husband didn’t care – she was told it was her fault for working.

She said: “An argument started and I began to pack my bag – I left and I did not return.

“At first I went to stay with a friend, but two months later I moved into my own flat – but was told I was not allowed anything from the house, as it was my choice to leave so I had no right to anything – my clothes and possessions included.

“That few hundred pounds that I have help furnish my flat, pay my first few weeks rent and have me the confidence to leave.”

According to Irwin Mitchell divorce and family law team, ‘Divorce Day’ – the first Monday of the first full working week back after New Year – sees break-up rates spike by 25 per cent.

Research by the firm revealed last year one in five couples were planning to divorce after Christmas.

Alison Hawes, a specialist divorce and family lawyer with the firm, said: “Sadly, the January divorce spike is no myth as people generally feel that New Year offers a new start for them and their family.

“Many appointments will have been made in advance by people who were already planning to start the divorce process in the New Year, while others may have had a bad time over the holiday period and realised that they wanted to make a fresh start in January.”