Wednesday, June 19, 2013

When I was in first grade,
I wasn’t so different from all the other Mormon boys in my class. Like them, I couldn’t
wait for the bell to ring signaling the end of the school day. But unlike them,
I didn’t run to the playground to toss the ball, or head to a friends house to
hang out. I got home as quickly as I could, because right after school the
local television station aired reruns of the original Star Trek series—and I
had a great big school-boy crush on Captain James T. Kirk.

At six-years old, I lacked
the vocabulary to be able to explain to anyone that I was gay, but my identity
was formed nonetheless. All I knew was I liked the way my heart beat a little
faster when Captain Kirk was in my life for that hour each day after school—and
that Captain Kirk was the guy I wanted to give my first-grade Valentine to.

My story isn’t unique. As
kids, straight or gay, each of us had someone who made our heart skip a beat. If
you ask any adult, they can almost without fail tell you the name of their
first crush. If it was a heterosexual crush, likely it was met with kind teases
and coos from parents, friends, and other adults. But if it was a homosexual
crush, it was questioned and shamed—and we were told we were confused, we
didn’t understand, or that it was just a phase and it would pass.

“How could he know he’s
gay? He’s never kissed a boy!” a parent commonly asks. And at the same time, a
parent never thinks to ask the question, “How would he know he’s straight? He’s
never even kissed a girl!” The simple truth is that neither of us has to kiss
the object of our affection to know the direction our hearts point us. Our
realities, gay or straight, are just the same.

This tendency to assume
that children only correctly identify their sexual orientation if it’s
heterosexual is common inside the Mormon culture—and extremely damaging. It
instills in gay children an alarming amount of self-doubt: from an early age we
are taught not to trust our own feelings. Worse, when we’re shamed for
expressing feelings for someone of the same gender, we learn the misconception
there’s something deeply wrong with us, and that has resounding implications
for our health and mental health throughout our entire lives.

gay youth, and the Mormon Church has come out
publicly in support
of that policy. By acknowledging—maybe for the first time—that gay kids can
and do correctly identify their orientation, the Mormon Church is poised to
make powerful changes to protect the health of young gay Mormon boys. As a
Mormon faith, our footprint on this planet is large—and with it, comes a
tremendous opportunity to do good. We have the chance to seize this opportunity
to do the right thing, and show the world Mormon compassion and wisdom at its
best.

And here’s how we can do
it.

Last year, The Family Acceptance Project
delivered a Mormon version of their evidence-based research materials that
outlines both rejecting and accepting behaviors—and links those behaviors
directly to rates of alcohol and drug use and abuse, STD infection, depression
and suicide. These Mormon
materials bear the “Best Practice” seal from the American Foundation for
Suicide Prevention, and are the only materials to have received this kind of
national recognition and endorsement. Inside the booklet, Mormon families will
find guidance that not only fits within the confines of our doctrine and
beliefs, but actually reinforces the best parts of Mormonism: keeping our
families happy, safe, and together.

The Family Acceptance
Project research is not marketing based on focus groups. It is not speculation.
It is not opinion—even ecclesiastical opinion. It is science. By integrating
these materials into our spiritual curriculum and our vast social services
programs, we can give LGBT Mormons and their families a lifeline of hope that
has not existed before. We can step beyond the days where Mormon parents—many
armed with good intentions but alarmingly little data—feel compelled to choose
between their children and their church. Family relationships are a cornerstone
to our faith as Mormons—and we’re taught that “No other success can compensate
for failure in the home.” David O. McKay. The Family Acceptance Project materials have eliminated the
illusion of that horrible Sophie’s Choice.

As a gay Mormon, and
someone for whom scouting was just as much a right of passage in my youth as my
church activities, this gives me hope for the generations that follow me. While
the BSA announcement isn’t perfect, the decision—and the Mormon Church’s
endorsement of it—opens the door to help keep our gay youth safer and happier
than ever before. If we make the most of this moment, we have a chance to build
a healthier generation of Mormons who are better equipped to follow God’s
second great commandment: to love one another—for who we genuinely are.