My 9/11 Story

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(written in 2014)

My 9/11 experience is indelibly marked in my memory. There’s always worse and my story is certainly not as bad as countless others, but I’ve stopped thinking of it that way. Trauma is trauma. Traumatic stress is traumatic stress and it stays with you through the days and years and moments and nights. And while I know they say that we become better people because of the difficult situations we endure, I still wish that day had never happened.

On that morning, I had only three trivial thoughts (which of course seemed important to me at the time). First, I was tormenting myself at a decision not to vote in the NYC Primary Election. There were four candidates running for the Democrat Mayoral slot and I liked none of them. Second, was getting to work. Third, was a root canal appointment later that afternoon.

I arrived downtown late (as usual) and exited the subway at my usual exit – Brooklyn Bridge/City Hall. There had been a lengthy delay while in the subway, but I had no reason to believe it was anything different from a typical delay. I came up the subway stairs at the little park in front of Foley Square and noticed some people there looking up. I inquired and they pointed to the Tower. They said a plane went into it. From my eyes, as from most, it looked like a small occurrence. I entered the courthouse where I work. I stopped at my office and already there were emails from friends around the world asking if I was alright. I’m embarrassed to say that, when I still thought the incident was something trivial, a part of me thought this was going to be an exciting day. I went to my supervisor’s office on the Sixth Floor of the courthouse, where we have to go each day to “check in” for work. You could see the Towers from the hall window. While there, he got a phone call telling him about the Pentagon. A moment later someone ran in the office saying the first tower had fallen. I started shaking. Court officers started parading the halls instructing us to evacuate. I went to my office, gathered my belongings and started to walk out. I remember one of the Judges had to help me on the stairs, as I was shaking so badly.

To the resonant sound of “GO NORTH” or was it “WALK NORTH” I became one of the walking zombies heading uptown. I walked North, or Uptown as we say in NYC, but frequently turning my head back. I was in shock. disbelief. Probably still am to some degree. A few streets north, in Soho, perhaps around Spring Street, I heard a collective gasp and then screams. The second tower had fallen.

I did not work that week. I was in a fog. Smoke was in the street. I attended many vigils. I cried a lot. Everywhere were signs posted of people missing. Everywhere. I wish I could have run. It would have been therapeutic, but I had a bad case of plantar fasciatis.

We returned to work almost a week later. At a court gathering in the rotunda of the courthouse, we were told to hug each other. Most of us thought that was silly, as we were still very concerned about our safety. We also received sombering news that, on the morning of 9/11, upon hearing of the crash of the planes into the World Trade Towers, a number of court officers jumped into Jury Vehicles and went to help. Three very brave court officers never returned.

The official dedication is this morning. The Museum will open to the public on May 21st, but First Responders have been invited to visit the Museum in hour time slots around the clock from today through May 21st. Employees of the Unified Court System, which, as explained above, lost three brave officers, have been invited to visit the 9/11 Museum as “First Responders.” I am going at 10pm tonight. I will be there, standing tall, proud to be an American, with tissues in hand, PTSD in tow, remembering that tragic day and all those who perished, including distinguished members of the FDNY, NYPD and Court Officers as well as my law school classmate, Neil Levin (Director, Port Authority) and running teammate, Vincent Kane (FDNY).

One email reminder I received said this:

Dear Friend:

We are looking forward to sharing the Museum with you during the Dedication Period previews. We know that visiting the Museum for the first time will be an emotional experience, and we want to ensure your visit is as comfortable as possible. To that end, support from the American Red Cross and FDNY counselors will be available.

In tribute to the way that so many came together after the attacks and businesses stayed open 24 hours a day in support of the recovery effort, there will be a 24-hour “Pop-Up Community” on Greenwich Street at Cortlandt Street during the Dedication Period. Refreshments will be available, along with information about activities in lower Manhattan.

We also invite you to explore the recently launched 9/11 Memorial Registries. Through the participation of those close to the history of 9/11 and the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, the registries create an ever-growing record of survival, witness, rescue, recovery, and commemoration. You can share your story as a survivor, witness, or rescue and recovery worker or submit information about 9/11 memorials worldwide at registries.911memorial.org. Touchscreens are also available in the Museum for you to browse the registries or make submissions during your visit.

Another email I received from the CEO of the Museum said this:

Dear Friend,

Today, we dedicate the National September 11 Memorial Museum. With its opening, we take a major step in fulfilling a solemn commitment to ensure that an important part of American history is never forgotten.

Later this morning we will begin a dedication period with a ceremony in the Museum’s Foundation Hall. The President of the United States and other elected officials will join us. Most importantly, the first visitors to the Museum will be hundreds of 9/11 family members, first responders, recovery workers, survivors, and others whose experiences are the foundation of this Museum.

People from all around the world will now have the opportunity to see firsthand what this city and this nation endured. They will also deeply understand the instinct that was so widespread on 9/11 and in its aftermath: to do everything one could to help those in need. The history preserved in the Museum is rooted in heartbreak and tragedy, yet its greatest lesson is found in the courage and compassion that emerged in response. We should take comfort knowing what those who sought to destroy us could never have understood: that the ties that bind us strengthen in the most extraordinary ways when we are faced with the most unimaginable circumstances.

I invite you to join us at 10:00 a.m. [EST] for the Dedication Ceremony by watching it live on our website at www.911memorial.org. You can also join the conversation about the Museum’s opening on Facebook, Google+, and Twitter.

On behalf of the National September 11 Memorial & Museum, I can’t thank you enough for playing a part in rebuilding hope at the World Trade Center

Additionally, the emails advise visitors to look at the 9/11 Memorial Commemorative Guide, which provides background information about the World Trade Center, the September 11, 2001 attacks and the 9/11 Memorial. It also includes an overview of how the names on the Memorial are arranged. The entire names arrangement is available through our Memorial Guide app for iPhones, online at names.911memorial.org and on electronic directories at the Memorial.

Comments

I wonder what type of leadership Deblasio would have offered.
Giuliani’s leadership seemed to have done well during the crisis. Too bad he turned out to be such a poor presidential canidate. He was probably the most pragmatic of the original candidates w/leadership under fire during the year he ran.

I’m sorry that you had to experience this horrific time in NY, the USA, and world history. Surely, the invite must bring us these memories. I am firm believer that these types of events are meant to heal those deep emotions experienced during times like 9/11. As for myself, I am a Kobe 1995 earthquake survivor (7.2), and was living in a Victorian house built in 1890 and in an instant became uninhabitable, and in the 1999 Taiwan earthquake (7.6). Ironically enough, I am a native Californian.

Oh, Kathy, I should have realized that 9/11 was probably a day etched in your memory, given where you live and where you work. And that the tragic bombing of last year’s Boston Marathon must also have brought back your very personal experience of 9/11.

I watched from afar as my hometown bore the brunt of the tragedy that spread to DC, PA and all the people everywhere who had loved ones who were killed, maimed or overnight became shell-shocked survivors. (I watched again as Hurricane Sandy wrought so much destruction on NYC, but that’s another story.) On that fateful September day, I thought of so many things, among them that the world as we knew it had just changed dramatically, and that I was glad that my dad – who worked for TWA for 44 years – did not live to see his beloved airplanes turned into deadly weapons.

I knew this day was coming, because I think you blogged about it before, but it was not on my radar. Thank you for reminding me. And may all who mourn be comforted. Hugs!

Rereading your post again today, on the 15th anniversary. I still get a visceral reaction when I see a video of the towers after they were hit or when they fell, images so prominent on the news and on social media today. Thanks for reminding me about your post; hard as it is, it was meaningful to read it again.

The other post of yours I read today was one encouraging everyone to travel. I’ll specifically urge anyone who has not visited the 9/11 Museum – and who can deal with the memories and images that can overwhelm there – to go. Regardless of your beliefs, it is truly a holy place. And in the end it will uplift you.

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A New York frequent flyer who elegantly combines her passions for worldwide travel, running a gazillion marathons all over the globe and staying fit ... without sacrificing her fancy for good wine and food.