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Sunday, November 8, 2009

people always leave

Online friendships of any level are fleeting. They come and go and come and stay and go as fast as they started all over again. Circling the bridge between all things genuine, and all things temporary. Expectations flutter and fall in silence, no one voicing their inner longing for the people who have vanished to different things. Better things maybe. But it doesn’t make the pain any less. It just makes it easier to pretend it was inevitable and in all probability, doomed from the first e-mail, or comment, or skype meeting. Of course, it happens in the offline world too, but seems to me that the consequences are more meaningful. That the loss of a friendship hurts a little more, and matters a little more. That even if you know its simply because you’re busy with changing priorities or moved on to a different lifestyle altogether, it still creeps under your skin, and you take a minute to realize the impact that individual had on your life, even if it was only for a week or two. Even if it was only for a minute. But here, with the easy typing and convenient access, there is no remorse. There is no appreciation. Just as fast as they came, just as fast as you care about them… they don’t care anymore, and leave. So you convince yourself to let it go. You convince yourself that’s how it always happens, and concede to an online world without that person in it. I find it strange how I hide behind the tense of “you” or “person” when the subject matter is innately personal. When what I mean to say is… “I care about them.” Gone now, for whatever reason, I want those people (if they ever stumble across this entry) to know who they are, and know that however fleeting, you all still matter to me and always will, even if I’ve been tossed aside and forgotten. I’m here, a real person on the other side of this screen… and I’ll remember enough for the both of us.

8
comments:

I haven't ever lost any on-line friends, but I've only had the internet for about a year and I didn't have any friends until around February.However, all five of my closest internet friends have been communicating with me much less in the last few months. From what I can gather, it's because they've all been busy with other things lately. I hope that's all it is.It does feel really lonely, though.

The sad truth is, I don't have much experience with on-line friendship, and not much with real-life friendship either. I still don't have a firm handle on how it all works.

I'm a real person on the other side of this screen, too. And I want you to know that it is my wish to continue this on-line friendship (if you can even call it that-- I know you're barely even aware of my existence, and we've barely communicated outside of my comments on here-- which is why I didn't include you as one of my friends mentioned above)-- my wish to continue this quasi-friendship for as long as you can stomach my presence.

I think I know who you're talking about, and yeah, I found his actions a bit strange as well. I'm sure there exists a perfectly good reason to explain for everything involving all such people from your past.

Hey there Heather Maria. I'm still here. Just been out and about. I'm sitting here in my new place watching Dragon Heart on TV. Thought I would look your blog up in ad breaks. I do think it a shame when I lose contact with online friends, sad even.

I was sitting in a pool of this very thought earlier this week.Though I feel like sometimes, in this tangled online web we live in - its harder to ignore the distance between you and someone you once knew.At least in the "physical world" you have "real" reasons as to why you've drifted. Reasons as to why it was inevitable. Reasons as to why it was "for the best".She moved away. We got busy. He met someone else.

But here? Online? When you have nothing in your way but a simple click of a button to connect to someone.... its hard to believe we allow things to get to the point where we're estranged from each other.When you're in an online social community, constantly hovering near and around each other but never making the minuscule effort to engage... that, i feel, is more hurtful.

I constantly take deep breaths to counter the sharp pains i get when scanning through my buddy lists. To see the names that have sat there idle, but that I can't seem to bring myself to delete.