Tracee Ellis Ross Has An Inspiring Message For Older Single Women Who Don't Have Children

She knows what it's like to field obtrusive questions about her life choices.

NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 13: Tracee Ellis Ross attends the 2017 Glamour Women Of The Year Awards at Kings Theatre in New York City. (Photo by Taylor Hill/FilmMagic)

If you're a woman of a certain age and you're single and don't have children, you're probably used to fielding comments about your life choices, which are, frankly, no one's business but your own.

No matter that you're successful in your career, or are a fantastic aunt, or a world traveller — according to North American society, if you aren't married and/or don't have kids, then at best, you're a failure, and at worst, a freak.

"Black-ish" actress Tracee Ellis Ross can relate. Despite being a Golden Globe winner, a fashion designer, and a respected actress, Ross, 45, knows what it's like to have her accomplishments belittled just because she's not married and doesn't have children.

According to Ross, the "interesting" part is all the questions she gets about when she'll finally "settle down" and have kids. But the NAACP Image Awards winner is over our society's old-fashioned expectations of women.

"You start hearing crazy shit like, 'Oh, you just haven't found the right guy yet,' 'What are you going to DO?' 'Oh, you poor thing,' 'Why is someone like you still single?' 'Have you ever thought of having kids?' 'Why don't you just have a kid on your own?' It's never ending and not helpful," she said, further explaining that although she grew up "planning a wedding," she also wanted to win an Oscar, appear on the cover of magazines, and "[make] a difference in the world, helping women find our voices.

"And from that dreaming, I have built an incredible life. I have become a woman that I am proud to be."

"My life is mine. Those words stopped me in my tracks," Ross said, "and honestly brought so many tears to my eyes. Seems so obvious, but obviously it wasn't. Because I have NOT been living my life as if it was my own... I have to really live it for myself. I have to put myself first and not be looking for permission to do so."

But Ross explained that it takes a lot of courage to choose to live your life the way you choose to without giving into pressures and expectations.

Getty Images for GlamourTracee Ellis Ross attends Glamour's 2017 Women of The Year Awards at Kings Theatre on Nov. 13, 2017 in Brooklyn, New York.

"It means risking being misunderstood, perceived as alone and broken, having no one to focus on, fall into or hide behind, having to be my own support and having to stretch and find family love and connection outside of the traditional places," she said. "But, I want to do it. I want to be the Brave Me, the real me, the one whose life is my own.

"Well, listen here ladies, I'm tearing it up. It's going bye-bye and I'm drawing up a new one and my terms are this: I am going to own my experiences. I'm going to pay attention to the reality of my life and the audacity of my dreams instead of the expectation I was raised with. I'm going to make space for the good and the bad of it, even the yucky scary fear-inducing parts, and embrace all the bits and all the questions."

Well, listen here ladies, I'm tearing it up. It's going bye-bye and I'm drawing up a new one and my terms are this: I am going to own my experiences. I'm going to pay attention to the reality of my life and the audacity of my dreams instead of the expectation I was raised with.