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March 30, 2017

(++++) FUN AND EVERLASTING LIFE (FOR KIDS AND ADULTS)

Ah, immortality. Consider
Tithonus, brother of King Priam of Troy, lover of Eos, goddess of the dawn, and
one of the saddest characters in all Greek mythology. At Eos’ request, Zeus
granted Tithonus immortality, but because she forgot to ask for him to have
eternal youth, Tithonus aged and deteriorated and eventually withered – into a
cicada, in some versions of the tale. Consider this a cautionary story about
getting what you want, or think you want – although neither Maz Evans, writing
for young readers, nor Lynsay Sands, writing for adults, will have any of that
nonsense about the perils of living forever. There is amusement to be had
within the adventures here, yes; but serious points about eternal life and its
possible difficulties? Look elsewhere.

What readers will find is an exceptionally amusing
preteen fantasy-adventure in Who Let the
Gods Out? In this book, the first of a series, Charon ferries characters among
the four realms of Elysium, Earth, the Asphodel Fields, and the Underworld,
delightedly accepting a blue button instead of 3,000 drachma as his fare and
explaining that it is so valuable that it includes his tip. This is a book in
which the old gods have retired after Zeus destroys all the Daemons, except for
one called Thanatos (the personification of death in Greek mythology), whom he
imprisons and who manages to escape by hoodwinking a mortal boy who ends up
beneath Stonehenge, where Thanatos has been kept chained. It is a book in which
the family farm of said boy, Elliott Hooper, is under threat from
development-crazed next-door neighbor Patricia Porshley-Plum, cruelly but aptly
nicknamed Horse’s-Bum. It is a book in which the sacred code of the immortals
begins with number 1 and then progresses immediately to b, then 7, then xic,
then F2, then 39.4, and then xy, and includes everything from “immortals cannot
break an oath” to “immortals cannot herd giraffes on a Tuesday.” It is a book
in which one immortal, a mere child of 1,964 years named Virgo (as in the
constellation of which, yes, she is a personification) makes the mistake of
seeking something different in eternal life and ends up on Earth, covered in
cow poop, and eventually held responsible for Thanatos’ escape and told (by
more-adult personifications of constellations) that she must recapture him
without using any of her immortal powers. It is a book with touches of
underlying seriousness: Elliott’s mom’s mind is giving way, and the two of them
(no dad here) are completely out of money and on the verge of being evicted and
having their tumbledown farm foreclosed. But this is really just a plot device
to explain why Elliott goes along with Virgo to try to recapture Thanatos – in
the same way that Virgo’s entanglement with Elliott is just a plot device to
free Thanatos so he can snarl and threaten and generally be the bad guy.Really, there is nothing especially
well-plotted in Who Let the Gods Out?
But really, it does not matter much. Evans does not hesitate to pull ideas out
of nowhere, bring in coincidences willy-nilly, and otherwise manipulate the
reader in unconscionable ways that she gets away with only because the book is
so doggoned funny and fast-paced and frenetic. A typical line: “‘Don’t worry
about matters that your suboptimal mortal intellect can’t understand,’ she said
haughtily, her sneakers squelching across the field.” And then there is the
matter of the kardia, a kind of soul pendant that is made of different
substances depending on what type of immortal is wearing one: Thanatos’ is
black, of course, while the one worn by Charon (who announces himself as “proprietor
of Quick Styx Cabs”) is glass because he is a Neutral who can “get on fine with
all sides.” That includes the fairy yelling loudly into a cell phone, “I CAN’T
TALK NOW! I’M ON THE SHIP OF DEATH!” And there is much more of this sort of
thing. Young readers will not exactly laugh forever
at the happenings in Who Let the Gods
Out? But they will laugh throughout the book, and that will be quite
enough.

There are amusing elements
in Lynsay Sands’ writing, too, and in fact they are much of what distinguishes
her from other authors of supernatural fantasy for adults. In other ways,
Sands’ books are very much of their genre. For instance, you can tell they are
for adults because they are filled with romance and, yes, sex (definitely a
no-no in books for preteens, whose fantasies are not supposed to be on that
level yet). Immortal Unchained is in
fact offered as an “Avon Romance,” but it is that on top of being a
fantasy-adventure, not instead of it. Books like this have little in common
with the old-fashioned so-called “bodice rippers,” and not only because there
is nary a bodice to be seen or ripped. Here the female protagonists are every
bit as strong, intense, involved, savvy and, yes, sexy as the men. Sands is
quite good at producing books of this type: Immortal
Unchained is no less than the 25th book in her Argeneau series.
It is a (+++) book partly because it is formulaic but mostly because it is
difficult to figure out everything that is going on, and what everyone has to
do with everyone else, without already having read at least some of the series’
earlier entries. For example, the central male character here is Domitian
Argenis (men in these books invariably have names like Domitian – never, say,
John or Pete). Domitian is the brother of Drina, and readers who are not quite
sure who Drina is and why the relationship matters will not get many clues
here. There is also a character from earlier books named Dr. Dressler, and he
is crucial to this book’s plot, but what is also crucial – and not easy to
figure out if this is one’s first delving into the Argeneau sequence – is why
he was supposed to be one of the good guys in earlier books and why that
mattered. In any case, here we have Sands’ version of H.G. Wells’ The Island of Dr. Moreau, with mysteries
and diabolical experiments and a fairly hot romance involving Domitian and a
cop named Sarita whom Domitian knows to be his “life mate” but who has some
growing up (experientially, not chronologically) to do before the two can be as
thoroughly and permanently mated as they are destined to be. Actually, it has
to be said that Immortal Unchained
starts rather slowly and rather obviously, with a character named Lucian
(again, it helps to know the earlier books here) telling Domitian not to get
onto a helicopter that Domitian promptly gets onto, with the result that
Domitian is soon chained to one of those ever-present tables in one of those
ever-present secret labs before Sarita frees him, and then – well, there is
some of Sands’ welcome trademark humor between the two, as well as a strong
physical connection. And of course there is plenty of action, much of it tied
to earlier books’ plots involving the mysterious disappearance of immortals for
reasons unknown and by means uncertain. All of which Domitian tries to unravel.
With Sarita’s help. At bottom, this is little more than yet another of the
innumerable rethinkings of Wells’ tale, one of the most frequently updated and
imitated of all SF/fantasy stories (and none of the updates, including this
one, really holds a candle to the original). On the other hand, there is a
certain level of silliness here that is quite different from anything in Wells
and also different from the type of humor that is common in books for younger
readers, such as Who Let the Gods Out?
And Sands does a generally good job of using that silliness to make Immortal Unchained into something more
than just another vampire story with vague overtones of Wells’ tale of strange
beasts on a strange island. This is not much
more than a formulaic series entry, but it is a little more, and that will keep Sands’ fans’ happy – although
anyone wondering why people become her fans in the first place will not find
out from this book and really needs to go back to earlier novels in the series.
Then a newfound fan can look forward
to the forthcoming 26th Argeneau book, to be called Immortally Yours.