Friday, December 05, 2008

I think we have another contest. You guys have come up with some great definitions based on your comment verification codes. For those who don’t read the comments, you’re missing out. Some great stuff in there. (And don’t think I’m threatened because some of you sons a bitches are funnier than I am.)

But your definitions are just too good not to be rewarded. So in the spirit of the Komedy Kontest, I’m hereby starting another competition. The best word verification daffy definition. Since it’s luck of the draw what the combination of letters will be for you I think it’s only fair to keep the initial entry period open longer than the Komedy Kontest. So phase one will end at 9:00 PM PST on Thursday. That gives you six days.

Like before, I will have someone else select the top five and you guys will vote for the final winner. Better to hate someone you don't know rather than me.

“Yeah, yeah”, you’re saying, “But what the hell do I WIN? It better be GREAT!”

It will be hard to top the Komedy Kontest grand prize -- a signed AfterMASH script – but I think I’ve done it.

The winner of the Daffy Definition Kontest will receive…

Are you ready?

A signed copy of MIDNIGHT, one of our very best unproduced pilots! Talk about rare! Talk about special! Talk about a show that should have been made! This one is it! And it includes the official Paramount Studios script cover, just like the one rejected by CBS.

Some Kontest rules:

Enter as many times as you’d like.

You must give your name.

You’re on the honor system. But judges have the right to throw out any entry they feel is not legitimate.

Please do not comment on other entries until the final five are chosen.

Decision of the judges is final.

You must be a citizen of some country in order to apply.Doesn't have to be the US but some country.

You are not required to listen to my Sunday night radio show from 7-10 PST on Talkradio 790 KABC even though it streams live on the internet.

Stomatan - /STUM-uh-TAN/ noun: the darkening in color of the inside of one's digestive tracts for fashionable reasons. Example: "Paris strutted in front of the photographers proudly displaying her stomatan."verb: the act of obtaining a stomatan.

An acronym = Very Exciting Random Acess Memory, for computers that are porn-heavy.

(BTW, as I won the last Kontest - the signed AfterMASH script is framed on my dining room wall, below Bud Abbott's autograph, and next to Albert Dekker's - my contributions to this one are to be considered non-competitive. I want to play, but am not to be considered for the finalists.)

Hacque: 1. A particularly violent sub-category of the famous Japaneses form of poetry called Haiku in which the poet is limited to only three lines to give a bloody and creative description of how he plans to dismember a foe; Usually has to do with honor.

2. A commonly used verbal warning from one inebriated person to another before lugies start to fly.

Reebra (n.)- A bra reinforced with heavy steel used to support extra busty women.

History: The costume designer of Baywatch inserted steel cables into the swimsuits of the female stars, for extra support, to prevent facial injuries during the many running scenes. Star, Pamela Anderson, used the idea for a line of undergarments.

ephing- a softened curse word used primarilly, though not exclusively by male members of the Mormon Church of Latter Day Saints to their females as a way of showing their extreme disapproval while maintaining their street cred.

A person who is exceedingly arrogant in his opinion that the New York Metropolitan Opera was driven into the ground once Rudolf Bing left as General Manager in 1972 and that mongrel Schuyler Chapin took over. Moreover, how could anyone think that Valery Gergiev isn't as efficient a conductor as principal conductor James Levine when the opposite is most certainly true if I say so myself? Pish posh, don't get me started on that sycophantic nebutard Joseph Volpe who installed that electronic libretto system that translates the perfect Italian phrases of Gianni Schicchi into crude Americanized non-proper English for all those dunderheads. WELL I DO SAY!!!

gagici: (1)a humorous tale, event or anecdote originated by an ancestor and passed through the generations as an inheritance; often claimed as a personal experience by the unscrupulous.(2)(archaic)From the Latin, attributed to Caesar. "veni vidi gagici": I came, I saw, I killed.

icanon: Apple's failed attempt to expand into the military industrial complex. The icanon's failure was blamed on cost, the inability to integrate it into current weapons systems, and a lack of discipline stemming from smugness was discovered in soldiers using the icanon weapon system.

For example, your father telling you "you'll never amount to nothin'" produces one bilewat, enough to power the first 30 pages of the Great American Novel, you'll show him, the sonafabitch... before you peter out and go back to playing XBox.

Leduper: The intense sense of cold terror running up and down your spine at the instant of realization that you sent a rather pornographic proporsal to your boss when the email was clearly meant for someone else

explabo - to give someone an explanation which is totally fictitious in order to make them feel better. "George, you didn't get the promotion because you are just too damned good looking to be taken seriously as the head of technology."

About KEN LEVINE

Named one of the BEST 25 BLOGS OF 2011 by TIME Magazine. Ken Levine is an Emmy winning writer/director/producer/major league baseball announcer. In a career that has spanned over 30 years Ken has worked on MASH, CHEERS, FRASIER, THE SIMPSONS, WINGS, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, BECKER, DHARMA & GREG, and has co-created his own series including ALMOST PERFECT starring Nancy Travis. He and his partner wrote the feature VOLUNTEERS. Ken has also been the radio/TV play-by-play voice of the Baltimore Orioles, Seattle Mariners, San Diego Padres. and has hosted Dodger Talk on the Dodger Radio Network.

Ken's Book Club

MUST KILL TV: Ken's explosive and hilarious satire of the TV industry - now in paperback and Kindle