BREAKING: Pizza Leads to Sword Attack

With the world of journalism becoming more partisan, polarized, and politicized—and with a president that’s awfully critical of media organizations—it’s no wonder people are less and less trusting of the media these days. Some news organizations are more accurate, fair, and truthful than others—but none of them deliver you the brick-oven-baked truth like the Saugus pizza news team at Vincenzo’s Pizza. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for another edition of A Pizza The News.

Pizza Argument Leads to Sword Attack

A pizza-related argument in rural South Carolina led to a different kind of slice, according to the Spartanburg County Sheriff’s office. According to the police report, deputies arrived to the scene and noticed a man yelling at his friend over a pizza—and when the argument got too saucy, one man grabbed his sword and sliced the other in the leg. In self-defense, the wounded man allegedly grabbed a stick in the home and hit the swordsman in the back of the head. No charges were filed in the incident.

As a trusted news source, we wouldn’t want to speculate on what this pizza argument was about. With that said, maybe someone put pineapple on the pizza.

Prolific Pizza Squirrel Captures Hearts of Millions

Nearly two years ago, a determined rat with a taste for pizza turned the internet on its head by taking a slice of pizza on the New york City subway. But that rat might’ve been upstaged this week, as a steadfast squirrel snagged a slice of its own.

In Washington DC, the newly named “Pizza Squirrel” was photographed carrying a large slice of pizza down a city street by the crust—and once again, the internet is squirrely with excitement. The pizza choice here? Nothing other than a good old slice of cheese pizza. According to area man and Pizza Squirrel photographer Drew Olsen, the squirrel was eventually spooked by his presence, and eventually ran away at full speed with the slice locked tightly in its jaws.

Pizza Bath Bombs Now Exist (What?)

There’s nothing more relaxing at the end of a long day than sliding into a hot bath and throwing in a bath bomb that smells like…pizza?

Etsy shop Bathesda Boutique recently released pizza bath bombs, along with other food-related bath bombs (you can make yourself smell like bacon and waffles), and the results were stunning: these bath bombs sold out almost instantly. When they’re available again, they’ll run you $7 each—and when you dropped them in the tub, they fizz and let out a rainbow of colors.

As journalists, we have to ask the hard questions. Do you really want to smell like pizza? We’d argue there are worse smells.

That’s it for another edition of A Pizza The News. Stay tuned for more breaking pizza updates, and until then—you know what to do.