Saturday, April 11, 2015

Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity, Bikini Babes With Big Guns

Beautiful babes in bikinis. Beautiful babes in lingerie. Beautiful babes in evening gowns. Beautiful babes in chains. Beautiful babes armed with really big guns and fast spaceships. From our old friend, Charles Band, today we look at 1987's "Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity." Born in Hungary, Elizabeth Kaitan started acting in Shakespeare dramas before sliding over to low-budget exploitation (...fate did smile on us B movie fans). Ms. Kaitan stars in this masterpiece along with Cindy Beal and Brinke Stevens. Together, these three fight maniacal villains, zombies, mutants, and killer androids. Always in revealing attire, no frame goes by without at least one of these beauties gracing the screen.

As our tale begins, Daria (Kaitan) and Tisa (Beal) are chained in a dungeon aboard a mother-ship in deep space. Clad only in bikinis, they escape and commandeer a shuttle and crash land on a seemingly benign planet. Our two very capable damsels make their way to a jungle compound, occupied by the very handsome Zed (Don Scribner) and his two rude androids. At first, Zed seems like a savior, even providing some slinky evening ware to our shapely protagonists. However, Daria and Tisa become alarmed when they meet two other guests, also from a crash landing, the hunk Rik (Carl Horner) and his sister Shala (Stevens). Shala and Carl advise our buxom heroines that most of the other guests disappeared when Zed took them hunting. Both Shala and Tisa are on the ball, and realize they must escape. Uh oh, Zed does indeed have plans for his captive women. Shala is the first victim, and she is put in chains, stripped, and put to use as Zed's sex toy.

Now Tisa and Daria start plotting, but not before some passionate pre-marital sex with Rik. One can cut Rik some slack, as he probably needed cheering up after his sister is reduced to a sex tool by Zed. Zed is two steps ahead of his prisoners and foils their escape attempts. The fair man that he is, Zed gives all three babes their bikinis back and a 60 minute head start toward escape. The innovative Tisa has a map to a weapons cache, and if they can make it to the guns before 60 minutes is up, our vixens just might have a chance. Unbeknownst to them, they will not only have to evade Zed, but also some zombies, mutants, and some armed aliens. The damsels will endure great peril, clad in the skimpiest of swimwear, and not all of them will make it.

All three scream queens do a magnificent job. Director Ken Dixon knows what his fans want, and that is to see a lot of the three actresses in the least amount of dress. Will Tisa and Daria find satisfaction in bigger guns? Is the plight of our three scream queens in this film a mere metaphor for the increasing divide among the classes during the industrial revolution in western Europe? Very reasonably priced on Amazon.com, watch "Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity," and give yourself a well deserved reward for putting up with that chick-flick your wife (...or wimpy husband) made you watch.﻿