Thursday, July 14, 2011

Mowing the Lawn ranks right up there with going to the dentist...

Dear Lawn,

I love sitting in the yard, playing with the kids in the lush green grass....but here's the problem. You are a pain in the butt. Either you are dried up and crusty and making me fork out cash to water you, or you are a full blown jungle. Take this morning for example, I tried to mow in the morning before it got to be one-hundred gazillion degrees outside but the moisture caused the push mower to clog and turn off every five feet. 20 minutes into this annoyingness I decided to speak to the green mowing machine using some sign language. Don't worry, I was in the backyard - no one saw me emphatically flipping off an inanimate object. I digress, lawn, I'm considering replacing you with astro-turf. Yes, it will be strange to have a vibrant green lawn in the middle of January, but I don't care anymore. My sanity, sweat glands, and back will thank me. And lawnmower, you better bring me a cold glass of iced tea later or I swear I will throw you in the back of the minivan and drop you off at the dump!