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Oh no! Orac wants to know - where's your JavaScript?!Your Web browser does not have JavaScript enabled or does not support JavaScript. Please enable JavaScript on your Web browser to properly view this Web site, or upgrade to a Web browser that does support JavaScript; Firefox, Safari, Opera, Chrome or a version of Internet Explorer newer then version 6.

Two large creatures stand over the still form of a middle aged man in a white lab coat decorated with red and black.

“What think? Was he better than before.”

“Maybe, but not good. Still too much hate. Too much ego. Too much Justin. Not enough comp... compasi... feels for others.”

“He felt for the girl.”

“But she little more than calf. Not right.”

“Still, he turn out better than most humans. You saw woman in black, dressed like vulture, using girl, hurt her brain. You saw girl's friends, so ready to kill. Me think Justin was better.”

“But not good enough.”

“No, not good enough.”

“But progress, not fails?”

“Progress. Yes.”

The large creatures picked Justin's body up and carried it to the lab. They laid him on a slab and hooked him up to the machinery. As the body regenerated, they opened a large cooler labeled 'Genetic Stock' and began to mix a serum.

One studied a chart on the wall, where many formulas had been tried, and crossed out. He scratched out the last line with his horn. “Maybe try a little less smarts this time?

“Me understand. They say they smarter, maybe that what make them more angry, more ready to hurt. Me don't know.”

“Me say try it. And be happy, not let horns droop in sadness. One day we get it right. We make human who has feels for fellows, just like Animals. Then we make more and turn them loose, like breeding herd. Think how peaceful galaxy will be then.”

“You right. We try again. Serum ready soon. What we do while we wait?”

Yay, what a brilliant start to the month! This explains everything, and deep in our hearts we always knew the truth, didn't we?

I was thinking along similar lines (the rebellion, the Federation or even mankind being only a failed experiment of the Oggies), but I couldn't develop any of these ideas to a story. Maybe I should go back to the idea with Avon's school experiment ...

He became aware of the Federation guards surrounding him, each with a gun raised in his direction. No way out and no chance of escape.

He also noticed the horned, furry, biped creature in front of him. Avon recognised it from somewhere. Operating simply on instinct, he raised his gun to shoot it…

At that moment, it was as if the whole scene came to a halt. There was a good reason for that.

“Me turned them off”, said the creature, nodding towards the frozen figures. “No point in continuing the experiment now Blake dead.”

His near-identical companion came into view. “He definitely dead?”

“Yes. Me check instruments and total brain death has occurred.”

“It so frustrating. Me calculate it was only five minutes until Blake reached his forty-second birthday and revealed the ultimate question to life, the universe and everything.”

“We have to set up whole experiment again. How many times we now try?”

“Me lose count. But it take many millions of years to recreate all the people and planets in Federation. Plus Blake and his rebels. Plus the Auronar. Plus the Ultra and everything else.”

“Plus Slartibartfast take thousands of years to design Soolin’s rear each time”, rejoined the first creature.

“Me appreciate that. She lovely.”

“Me know!” Both stood there, looking wistful for a moment. Or as wistfully as it’s possible to look when you’re a pair of shaggy, furry, horned creatures.

The second creature got back to the point. “After the re-creation of Earth and its people is finished, the complete programme is then 4.543 billion years long, with the final stage seven hundred years, from when we send ship to Cygni 61.”

“How we change variables this time, to try keep Blake alive?”

“We try so much. Changing appearance of Travis. Changing circumstances of Servalan’s death. Changing flight time of London from eight to four months. Changing appearance of Ven Glynd. Changing length of war. Changing Avon’s hair to a perm.”

“But Blake always die. If not on Jevron, then here on Gauda Prime.”

“But we must be careful. If me change too much, answer will be invalid.”

“Me know. How we change next time?”

“Me thinking we change Del Grant from ginger to blond.”

“Me think that good idea. Me also think that no point of us keeping these shapes now experiment has failed?”

“Me thinking same.” The second figure turned a dial and the shaggy, furry, horned creatures turned into much smaller, white, furry creatures.

“Right”, squeaked one of them. “I say that we don't waste any more time. There’s a lot to do.”

The mice scurried away to reset their experiment.
Edited by trevor travis on 03 October 2016 08:49:29

For decades, B7 fans all over the world have been wondering about a bunch of contradictions in the B7 'verse - and you manage to explain them all with this one piece of hilarious fanfic! Plus you even reconciled your and Paula's sense of colour. Bravo!

And now for something completely different. I am sorry, but our hero plays only a minor part in this story.

Avon’s Choice

Little Kerr had earned another merit and was eligible for a special present. His teacher led him to a part of the school where he had never been before. He was proud of his merits and he was looking forward to his present, but he was also anxious. Why couldn’t his teacher just give him the present instead of hauling him through this maze of corridors? He feared that she might abandon him and that he would get lost, and with his tiny fingers, he firmly grabbed her hand.

She stopped in front of a door and shoved him over the threshold.

‘Now, Kerr’, she said, ‘there are lots of toys inside. I want you to choose one of them. Only one. Do you understand?’

He nodded, unable to speak. She closed the door behind him, and he was alone; alone in a children’s paradise, but nonetheless alone.

After a moment he realised that the room was not so full of toys as he had thought. One of the walls was a mirror. Putting up a mirror opposite a rack of plush animals – what a silly idea!

But the toys soon let him forget the mirror and his fear. There were plush animals of all sorts, all very exotic and interesting: a strange, eight-legged creature that he immediately recognised from his microscopy lessons as a tardigrade; axolotls; star-nosed moles; Malayan tapirs. Furthermore, an assortment of dangerous creatures: a Bucol animal with massive horns; a little troll with a horn and a very long and pointy nose; and a four-armed biped with leathery skin, a dome-shaped head, three red eyes, the teeth of a predator and a red combat suit.

Kerr stared in amazement at this collection, but then two cuddly fellows caught his eye. One was blue with eyes like cueballs, a box of biscuits tucked under his arm; the other was a teddy bear. Without hesitation, he grabbed the bear and ran back to the door, his face glowing with delight.

The faces of the two men behind the mirror, however, betrayed their disappointment.

‘He went straight for the cute one’, the first man said, ‘not the scientifically interestings animals, nor the ferocious beasts.’

‘He showed promise’, the second man replied, ‘the mental programming works. He has developed scientific curiosity with a very low empathy level. We are on the right way.’

‘But he is not void of emotion; there are still traces of compassion left.’

‘This is only the first stage of the experiment. In principle, it worked. We can use our mental adjustment programme to make our citizens less emotional and more efficient. Besides, the other candidate showed a more promising reaction.’

On the school yard, Kerr was the envy of this classmates. ‘I got this for my merits’, he explained, proudly showing off his bear.

One of the other pupils was not impressed. ‘I got one, too’, he said and presented a Tarsian warg strangler.

Here I am in deepest, darkest South Devon....laughing my head off at the stories so far.
It's only taken twelve hours to get the internet connection working, but I'm so glad that I persevered and I didn' t need to find a rather nice computer expert to sort it out. (What would hubby have said?)

Cold.....you don't know the meaning of cold.
Cold is when you have ice on the INSIDE of the window!!!

littlesue wrote:
It's only taken twelve hours to get the internet connection working, but I'm so glad that I persevered...

On my hols, I was without internet for 48 hours, then had only occasional access to wi-fi. I got full internet access after 5 days, but by that time the withdrawal symptoms had worn off, and I was rather enjoying the lack of communication in a desert-island kind of way. So I decided not to read my emails or do anything work related (or even B7-related, sorry!) and just relax...

Of course, I now have an awful lot of catching up to do, but it did feel like a proper holiday, at last.

Twitter: @TravisinaB7
Tumblr: tumblrThere's no point being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes

For decades, B7 fans all over the world have been wondering about a bunch of contradictions in the B7 'verse - and you manage to explain them all with this one piece of hilarious fanfic! Plus you even reconciled your and Paula's sense of colour. Bravo!

Cheers Hugbot (and AA). I'm currently in the doghouse with Og, though, because he keeps on stating "Me not mouse!".

I tried to explain to him that the mice are actually hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings, but he's having none of it. He's locked himself in his shed with his blow-up Dayna doll and is sulking.

Loved your tale of the young Avon and how he first acquired Roj Bear (and the cameo by the young Travis!!), although Og was less pleased: "Me only get quick mention and me not properly appear in that one at all!".

Og's favourite tale of the month so far is Brad's, because he likes the idea of being able to experiment on Justin. He wants any such experiments to involve lots and lots of electricity being applied to certain parts of the body.
Edited by trevor travis on 03 October 2016 12:46:06

Dear Og, I am very sorry if I have offended your feelings by mentioning you only briefly. Don't be sad - feel honoured that I mentioned you in the same breath as my favourite (Earth) animals, a hero of my childhood, a hero of my teenage years and even my personal coat of arms!

@RaineSz: Yes, it was a tough choice. For the sake of the story, I had to let him take the teddy; also, we already know that Avon has a teddy bear. I am glad that I refrained from mentioning a wombat ...

Hugbot wrote:Dear Og, I am very sorry if I have offended your feelings by mentioning you only briefly. Don't be sad - feel honoured that I mentioned you in the same breath as my favourite (Earth) animals, a hero of my childhood, a hero of my teenage years and even my personal coat of arms!