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Beer Reviews: Old English 800 high gravity

Quite simply the worst beer ever. I am lucky to be able to type since I was stuck in bed all day yesterday. (Listening to crazy talk from the other room.) The last time I felt this bad, wormwood was involved. This is what the morning after feels like:

molecular acid is preferable

It is like a six pack in a bottle. Pounding it in 20 minutes after drinking an actual six pack? This shit is pure toxic death. QED.

On the bright side, you can fuel your car with it, or clean blood off concrete. The latter [Ed: your blood on the concrete.] is what the lawyers would call a “foreseeable consequence” of drinking this, so save a little – pour it on the ground when you’re done. You’ll recognize it [Ed.: the ground.] as the thing you’re holding down, lest it fly off into space. (Thanks for saving the rest of us, btw.)