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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I have been thinking, a lot lately and I need to chill out to be frank with you. I have been thinking about none other than transportation and money,(bad blogger bad!). Being a Christian, and trying to skill myself in being optimistic makes me feel bad for worrying about such simple things but it doesn't stop me either. Coming to my blog I like to inspire but I'm not going to deny the troubles in my heart just like you can't either. Qualities I wish to obtain are motivational, inspirational and helping others get happy but how can I preach to my readers the joy of switching the bad energy when I struggle with it myself. Switching the bad energy when you're in a slump can be difficult, but I sit down, I write out my feelings, I write down why I feel the way I do, where is it coming from and what can I do to distract myself from it. We're all human and things are going to get to us it's about what we do, when those things invade our minds how do we fend it off and keep it from taking over.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I sobbed, like a little girl about one solid email from my school. I let one email shake me, I let it break my heart and the flood gates opened up. I screamed in frustration, disappointment and in pain at the fact that I am being charged for a dorm I have never seen, and if I don't pay the balance I will not be able to continue my education. I've been praying and putting forth so much effort but I couldn't be more hurt and frustrated by this difficulty that seems so simple but apparently isn't.
Crying is apart of my healing process, sometimes you break down and scream and cry and let the flood gates open up so you can let God's love back in. I cried and cried and suddenly I felt like I was releasing the stress and anger and surrendering myself to God. I cried until I was weak and suddenly felt so much better after. I want this blog to be a source of inspiration, but I can't motivate and inspire others if I can't do it for myself and oddly enough in my weakness I still managed to open my mouth and say "I'm letting this go and I'm letting God handle it". My faith has been tested and I think I got a rough B+ today because although I sobbed, I cried to God. I didn't deny his strength I cried out for it and he put that strength inside of my and I carried on. I will look back at this and laugh some day just like I look back at my previous stresses and laugh. A video by the Bronze Goddess really spoke to me and I want to share with you:

Sunday, January 27, 2013

I've got this notebook I call it a big book of blessings, I know it sounds cheesy but that’s exactly what it is. Every good thing, every lesson, every bit of light to the darkness that has been shed upon me goes into that book. I started chronicling my blessings and lessons last year in the Summer and sometimes I read through it to make me feel better from time to time and remind myself that it gets better and that in the end everything will be okay. The reason I need this book is so I never forget that things do indeed get better for a long time. I trained my mind not to be hopeful, to not believe in myself, to not trust that good things can happen to me. I thought the only thing in this life that was 100 percent sure to happen was nothing but the negative stuff, it was easier for me to believe in the bad so I wouldn't get hurt trying to believe in the good and it seemed to soften the blow when bad things happened.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Hey guys it's been a minute since I've done an OOTD but a lot has been going on here at home, and besides that the only thing I've been really concentrating is school and retaining heat.Doing text posts is therapeutic for me as odd as it may sound. Today, my pants are from Kohl's,the blazer is online at Sears and the boots are Wanted by Jessica Simpson and I can't quite remember the shirt at this time. By the way be sure to check out both my YouTube Channel and Instagram for updates guys!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Season 3 is such a highly anticipated season of Teen Wolf with the additions to the cast and a lack of Jeff Davis's twitter.I've been suffering Teen Wolf withdrawals and a broken heart as well. My heart was broken the moment I found out Colton Haynes who plays Jackson was leaving the show.
I was looking forward to Jackson finding some redemption, figuring out more about his parents. I wanted to see Jackson heal as a person while still maintaining his a-holish ways! I also was looking forward to what the heck is the meaning behind blue-eyed wolves does this mean he was born a wolf, does he have special wolf DNA?Just how in the heck are they going to wrap up this character's story line? I still have hope that perhaps some kind of contract and or deal will be developed in the name of Jackson but I doubt it, you can catch my reaction to Haynes leaving the show, here:

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I've never been popular. Popularity had eluded me since the beginning of time. I've had my select group of friends in school like I've always had and that was that. Popularity doesn't seem like the hardest thing to grasp though, and when I say popularity I mean "POPULARITY", that really stereotypical in crowd popularity, because believe it or not there are popular people who became popular by simply being themselves and *insert gasp* people simply flocked to them thus after. To be "POPULAR" and in a hurry you've got to define what is the current trendy thing and do that immediately. I've followed some trends and then some trends I didn't because I didn't like them, therefore eliminating myself from the popularity pool. In school the popular thing was to have fairly medium to long hair, preferably straight that's what all the boys liked and wanted. I cut my hair my sophomore year of school because I wanted to try something new, and then took a step forward and cut my hair all the way down my junior year because I decided I wanted to grow out my natural hair *insert screams of distaste*.
I'm aware of what the popular things were to do, what you should wear, who you should talk to, who you should associate yourself with it's all really easy to do, but I didn't do it. I let myself pick out things I was naturally drawn to, I let myself wear things I naturally liked, I associated and made friends with people where the chemistry was natural and naturally found myself comfortable, but unpopular. I know these long wordy posts are not popular a lot of people in the blogosphere want pictures not wordy text posts, but I still do them.
Wordy text posts are what I'm good at, and yes sometimes I'll post some kind of picture to at least capture someone's eye and then perhaps by the grace of God it gets read, and someone finds themselves nodding along with what I type and actually relating to it, which is one of things I want this blog to do. Being yourself and doing what comes natural to you, is simply that but being popular takes a bit more energy and research. Popularity is not a natural thing, it's a thing of statistics and being observant if you notice all the top tier bloggers are all wearing the same shoes from the same store, then you can conclude that getting those same shoes from the same store will create keywords in your blog post driving viewers right, but that's not what I'm here for. My blog is organic, the posts are chock full of me, old me, new me, and the me I hope to become. You're probably thinking "what makes you interesting though, what's your gimmick?", what makes me interesting is my originality, my gimmick is my knack for being who God made me to be 100% of the time and being able to articulate that to an audience and perhaps actually relate to those readers.
The readers and writers, singers, fashion bloggers, beauty bloggers, and life style bloggers who find themselves warring over whether to follow the crowd or to be themselves allow me to remind you that those popular blogs started with one person who was simply trying to be themselves and then someone else liked it and followed suit. Someone has to be a leader why not you! Don't deny the beauty of your originality in the pursuit of popularity what's the point of having a million views but none of the content on your blog is your own? Trends come from trend setters, set the trend don't follow it, and no one is telling you to not follow trends because I do, but I do them in my own way. I try trends in the way I like to, not the way everyone else might like it. Be who you are, do what you love, and the rest will follow.

A Christian has no specific look, whatsoever. Some Christians look one way, some Christians look another as a matter of fact the only thing that all Christians for sure have in common, is their faith in Christ. I am a Christian but I will not slap you with a bible, hiss at you every time you swear, and I do not dislike the LGBTQ community, I pray for everybody regardless of background because it's not up to us to judge it's up to I'll let you guess....oh yeah Christ! I do not partake in acts of subtle shame, I'm not a conservative I'm not a stick in the mud either(although I can be socially selective but that has nothing to do with my religion nor my spirituality).
The point of this post is because, the moment I introduced talking about my spirituality I was afraid putting off my readers, making my readers feel alienated but that's not my mission. My mission is to express myself, and share with you and in the process of doing so God gets brought up sometimes, because I'm a Christian and I believe all I do is through (you guessed it) God, so he's going to be in the mix from time to time. People always have this skewed image with a label over it, labels are for inanimate objects like boxes, I don't reside in a box I couldn't even if I wanted to my personality is to big for cardboard barriers, just like your own. I make mistakes, Christianity isn't about not being flawed it's about acknowledging those flaws and looking to God to help you reach the potential your potential, God is forgiving because he's aware that we're going to make mistakes way before we do.
Being a Christian isn't about looking down your nose, it's about looking up to God, and it's not about shoving your religion down someone's throat, it's merely sharing with them some of the lessons God has taught you, but I will never force the things I've learned on someone else but if you're open to them, then you will receive them.
By the way I'll be sharing a youtube video with you guys tomorrow!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Monday, I change my major from Journalism to English and I'm nervous. I'm constantly questioning if I'm making the proper decision on everything and this is one of those huge things and I don't want to constantly switch my major all over the place. Journalism sounds interesting, it sounds glamorous, it sounds like you travel a lot and meet new people, it sounds like an interesting career and although it is indeed a lot of those things, that doesn't mean I can't have any of that being an English major. So many of my family members know I started off school with a journalism major and I remember who they looked and would sound when they ask "what are you going to school for" "journalism", oohs and aahs thus after but when I say I want to major in English the reaction is different and it makes me nervous if I'm making the right choice.
English has always been something that came natural to me, I love reading,deciphering, finding meaning to words, creating short stories,poems, anecdotes and writing journal passages like this.Words excite me, I have found a home for myself in the world of literary text, I love critical thinking. English, although it feels good to me doesn't sound glamorous, it doesn't perk anyone's interest but I have to do what feels right for me regardless of the preconceived notion that English is boring. The thing is about English, is that everything we write I feel is reflective. You can write something down and it can reflect your state of mind without directly stating it bluntly. English is this subtle expression, it allows you tell people what's on your mind,where you come from, where you want to go, why if you're willing to look deep enough into the text you're creating. English is this form of expression that can have the most impact with simply words. Words don't cost anymore, you can't mess up a word unless you spell it wrong and correcting yourself is easy, words it's all in the words and the way it's structured. I can create a work of art, that could express the underlying stories in my chest with merely words and that's where my passion for English strives, it grows deep within my chest in my spirit, I can't let something like that go for something that sounds good and I'm good at it,I'm good at styling that doesn't make me a fashion designer.
I must grow confident in my decisions it's all apart of becoming an adult, and not only do I accept my decision because it's what feels natural to me I also acknowledge that a degree does not map out your future. A degree does not control the next big thing that happens in your life God does. God is the one who ultimately has the last say and if there's a path he wants you to take listen to him, and you will take it. I may receive a degree in English and turn around and become a journalist anyway, or I get a degree in journalism and become a singer! Majors do not dictate your life, nor do the reactions and feelings of others your life is a matter between you, your inner peace and God so do what feels right, listen to him and do what he asks of you and you will find yourself in the place that was made for you, specifically for you.

I considered adding tights, to the look but knowing Nancy she'd wear none or rip them anyway. I feel like a modern day Nancy Downs would practically be a top tier fashion blogger by now with how popular 90s grunge has become, but Nancy embodied that grunge whether in style or not. There's something so beautiful and exciting about black and all the different details, with the spikes and cross bracelet I love it!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

A lot of people get their style inspirations from books, photography, runway shows, idols, models and basically anywhere in between but one place I believe I received a lot of my style inspiration is from movies. I narrowed it down to three films I believe inspired my style the most as a child beginning with

The Craft

(From left to right Bonnie, Nancy,Sarah and Rochelle)

The craft is a 90s movie about a new girl,Sarah Bailey who moved to San Francisco with her father and stepmother(her mother died giving birth to her). Sarah meets a group of girls who are actively pursuing witchcraft and she joins their coven. The girls begin overusing the power and as you can imagine not so great things occur, like Nancy growing power hungry and losing her mind.

One girl in particular has stood out in my mind ever since I saw the movie waaay back when, and that Nancy played by Fairuza Balk. I was enchanted by Nancy's crazy, and her gothic exterior!

I was impressed by her tough girl ways and admired her blatant sarcasm. She was crazy yes indeed....but also quite bad ass and I think she's the root of my love affair with old school gothic wear.

The second film to inspire my style has to be Clueless a film surrounding the trial and error of popular girl Cher Holowitz. During this film I feel my style was specifically inspired by Dionne, Cher's best friend. Dionne had a posh, hipness to her and confidence I adored. Her nose ring although once thought of as an edgy accessory was made to look feminine with her preppy outfits.

How can you not love a girl who can look that cute while still wearing that hat. Clueless was a time of bright colors, tailored blazers, plaid,plaid and more plaid not to mention my beloved box braids took off in the 90s. Clueless represents a side of me that loves bright colors, and preppy nostalgia.

Last but not least the third film to inspire my style is....The Lost Boys!!

The Lost Boys, was chock full of 80s greatness. Big teased hair, spikes, man-cessories, and scowls for days, the 80s was the place to be.

I loved this movie, the costume director had a field day on these guys. The edgy, gypsy look was something I wanted to covet when I was much younger and still do in some of my looks.

In part 2 of this post I will be doing polyvore sets that inspired each of these movies and linking some of my own outfits that I feel represent each movie until then toodles!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Hello guys! After Monday not being the greatest the rest of my week is currently flowing. I feel like blessings are going to come raining in, I really do and I'm so thankful for my developing relationship with God it makes everything that's going on a thousand times better. In other news I'd like to say hello to my Russian readers!! I checked my pageviews on blogger today and apparently a lot of the views come from Russia O.O who knew, but hey there! I'd also like to take a moment to appreciate all of my readers regardless of where you come from, I love sharing with you!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Today, I went to change my major to English which is basically a process where I make an appointment so I can make an appointment somewhere else -_-. I don't even want to think about it anymore, I make hopefully my last call tomorrow. On the bright side I had time to take an outfit of the day today, and one of my friends lent me his book, so that's one less book I have to buy yay! I've been hitting various hurdles this new year but I know that in the long run everything is going to pay off. You see sometimes I hit these points in my life where I have no vision, no direction, I have no answers to the hows and whys that sometimes cease my mind before I rest to sleep but lately those questions have been more silent because I've been letting God take more room in my mind and heart. So, yes I am facing problems but I'm letting God handle them I've done all I can, time to let go and let God, I know these posts can sound repetitive but a lot of the time, no all the time when you've done all you can the only answer left is to let God handle it, and it will indeed be handled.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

The jacket I'm presenting you, has inspired an entire look inside of my head and several outfits all at once. The jacket is simple in structure and has an 80s vintage feel due to the leather sleeves but something inside of me really loved this! I love the contrast of the light wash denim and leather black sleeves it's something about that comes off casual and yet edgy. I need this jacket in my life! The one featured below is from River Island but I don't think it's sold there anymore so I'll be on the hunt! You're probably thinking its just a jacket how exciting can a jacket be? The jacket below reminds me of some trendy kid from the 80s strolling around being cool lol! The jacket has an aesthetic to me that's borderline cinematic that's where the love is derived from.

Hey guys! I want to discuss makeup! I've recently indulged in various lipsticks, and eye makeup and have rarely gone back to what used to be my good old safe haven...lip gloss. My interest in lip gloss and lip stains comes from ItsMyRayeRaye's YouTube videos where she swears up and down that we have been sleeping on the lip stain and quite frankly I'm believing her. Lips stains and lip gloss stick a lot more than lip stick although lipstick can be more matte at least some, but lipstick tends to go on smooth,soft and moisturizing which is great but it can also end up on your teeth( oh the horror). I've been wearing lipstick like a mad woman in 2012:

I'm interested in another look for 2013 especially for when the weather begins to heat up again. In the warm weather, I love bronzers and highlighters I like the idea of leaving the house in the summer with a nice glow. Besides my excitement fo bronzers I want to try out lip glosses and lip stains again!

I want some awesome lip stains and glosses to give me some color and shine to add with the glowy look of bronzer, and then I can bring back an extreme cat eye like last Summer! I can't believe I was a makeup virgin in 2011 and yes I do still leave the house bare faced a lot but I really have developed a love for this!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Ever since I started school, and when I say started I mean have been walking about to places on campus my entire attitude and emotional state has been both drained and miserable! I don't understand it, I'm okay in the morning and I don't think I'm on the edge of a nervous break down during the day but by the time I get home I'm ready to burst into tears. I think the stress of the first week of school weighs on me a lot heavier than I should allow it. I get extremely nick picky over every little thing I do, I over-analyze school days and impatiently wait for the term to end(hence the large countdown widget I'm not too proud of). I overwhelm myself to the point of crying, and when I cry I cry about EVERYTHING all at once everything rises to the surface.
I go from crying about whether or not I'm making the right decisions, I cry about not getting enough sleep, I cry about feeling invisible on campus, I cry about missing high school, I cry about missing my friends, I cry about not receiving my financial refund yet, I cry about not having my books yet, I cry about not having a license, I cry about not having a car, I cry about not having a job, I cry about not having money, I cry about feeling lonely. Ridiculous waste of bodily fluids.
I've come to the conclusion that I, Dinesha Renee Johnson think entirely too much to function properly. I think too much it's ridiculous certain things do not need to be thought of continuously when God is the one making all the decisions, plans and moves for me. Why would I let myself carry so much weight, when the weight isn't even real? I am using a placebo of stress over my head and why, why do I make myself feel sad? Why do I focus on such outrageous things that shouldn't concern me. Half of those things listed above are things that need to be left in the past, the other half are not up to me to change, and the other half are things I'm already in the pursuit of changing so why do I torture myself with fictional problems? I've become my own worse bully, and you know what I think it's done out of insecurity. I'm insecure about my self worth. I need to claim the fact, that I am worthy of a happy,fruitful,love filled existence. When things seem to be going smoothly and perhaps there's one simple hitch I take the hitch and make it the size of the Titanic, is it so hard for me to believe that things could actually be going right for me, is it so hard for me to believe I deserve to be happy, that I'm worthy of being careless and joyful. Making this epiphany is well needed because every time I start feeling in the dumps and I begin bullying my own will to be happy, I'm going to remind myself that God loves all his children and wants nothing but the best for his children, it's a matter of his children to exercise their right of free will to accept the gifts he wishes to present to them. When I let myself be negative, I'm denying my right to be happy and I deserve to be happy, we all deserve to be happy and even if it means we've got to dig and fight, and struggle with ourselves we must claim our happiness it belongs to us.
God does not turn his back on us, joy does not run from us, we turn our backs from Him and run from joy, because when things seem to good to be true we have to find something wrong, and in our search we will it into existence and when it actually happens we've set ourselves in a downward spiral of stress and sadness the opposite of what God wants from us. I've got to practice letting go and let God, more often because he has the last say and I would be no where without him.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I typed out this post practically 3 times, trying to figure out how do I convey my emotions, and what's going through my head properly. I realized the reason behind that act of revision isn't done for your sake as readers(although I do think of you) it was done because I couldn't let myself set here and think the things I was thinking and feel the way I was feeling. When I first began this post I was going to rant about a lack of finances, and how stressed out I am about said lack of funds and I was going to complain about my lack of job, lack of license, and lack of gas money but how dare I? I let myself indulge in all the things I don't currently have and let overshadow the things I do such as :
A working laptop
Pencils and paper
My permit
One of my books for one of my classes
I only have to drive to school about 3 times a week
My winter term ends April 30th
A working phone
A strong heart
A voice
A strong immune system
My family's support
God's support and protection
The list above is much larger than the list of things I don't have, and the craziest thing is I know things are going to work out, so why even sit here and trouble myself, why let a lump grow in my throat even though a few days from now my financial worries could be very well cleared up. I've done all I can, I've made all the effort that can be made and I'm currently on my way to doing even more because I'm blessed enough to be in the position to do more! My inner penny pinching, worry wart self hasn't even taken time to acknowledge that my schedule is kind of awesome and I'm actually interested in at least 3 of my classes! I sat right in this spot, on the verge of struggling to type because I was letting my worrying get to me, but how dare a child of God worry, who am I to question his methods, he has a plan I've done what I can and he's going to carry me through and I need to live within that fact. I need to let God's promises and protection embrace me, because worrying is merely fighting his grip and all he wants to do is hug me, and point me in the direction he created for me.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Hey guys! I've got my schedule for school together and I wanted to share with you a quick outfit of the day! I'm semi-excited/ready to hurry up have summer vacation. As you can see the counter on the side of my blog, is the date my term ends...yes my struggle is real. My schedule is a lot better oh and by the way I've made a huge decision recently I'm changing my major from journalism to English, and decided to minor in journalism instead next year. English is such a huge part of me, and I love writing it's something that has come so natural to me, so after this year I will officially be an English major! Today is more along the lines about the details, I love all the lacey flowers in this top.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Instagram is one of my newest addictions and quite frankly I'm okay with it. The reason I'm such a fan of Instagram is that it helps you keep up with some of your fave, vloggers or bloggers and I simply like taking pictures. My top 10 favorite fashion blogger Instagram pages of the moment have to be:

Thursday, January 3, 2013

I was trying to discover how to brand myself in this blogging world and I still don't know how but I'm not all that upset about it though. I've flocked to so many blogs all discussing the topic of branding yourself, I've looked to other blogs for inspiration but nothing fit right for me at all. I had no niche, what is making me stand out at least slightly from the rest. I tried playing with different facets of my style. As you all know when I was much younger I had a semi-small goth stage and I considered bringing that to the blog and although I still love some goth culture that's not what I'm all about and people can spot posers from miles away. If I couldn't be the Goth black girl who could I be, the stylish struggling college student, the fashion blogger/YouTube singer/ and a bunch of other ideas that I considered but never added to the blog (THANK GOD) because purposely creating an image just felt so forced and unnatural I hated it! The unnatural feeling is because frankly, my trying to go down the route the same way other bloggers has simply isn't going to work for me, because everyone is supposed to find their own place in their own way.
Recently I watched a video by The Bronze Goddess01 on YouTube and if you're familiar with her, 9/10 you're walking away from one of her videos with an epiphany hence this post.The Bronze Goddess is a lot of different things, she talks beauty,fashion and is a motivator like no other. The Bronze Goddess has a series called The Dream Series where she gives her testimony towards dreaming, and staying motivated, and what God has shown and done for her. I recently was touched by something she said in her Dream Series Part 2 she stated, "God does not re-heat blessings". God has a specific plan for you and only you, which is something I had never acknowledged before. I remember doing blog posts and feeling conflicted "why am I doing this", "where do I fit in" "why does my opinion matter" but suddenly I began finding my voice especially when I read the Secret by Rhonda Byrne and I began sharing my Positive Challenge with you. Slowly but surely I've come into my own as a blogger. Perhaps my brand of blogger is a spiritual/style blogger because I love talking about my style and I love talking about spirituality perhaps that's what I am, and if it's not then may God help me find what I am to be as far as a blogger. I'm going to continue to blog about myself and God because it comes natural to me, and I don't feel like I'm pushing myself into a cookie cutter shape. I've created this post to not only share with you that I too still have some slight struggle finding my voice as a blogger and also to notify you that the posts about God aren't going anywhere any time soon, sorry/ Feel free to look at other posts if you don't exactly identify with my spirituality I don't want to push anything onto anyone but I will not push my passion in a corner either, until then guys toodles!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

I believe I may start doing outfit of the day previews, it's a concept I've been playing with for quite some time and I do them sometimes on instagram but not nearly as much as I possibly could. I'm open to trying some new blog formats, and ways to post this year and I'm going to be a lot more active on instagram as well. By the way my instagram username is Deejayzface check it out and let me know if you like what you see!

Happy New Year guys! I really want to take the time to post about how appreciative I am of the support I've gotten from you all the past year and continue to receive from you. I love being able to share with you guys, and I love the fact that you share back. The blog has really become apart of me, and I am so grateful you all have stayed with me to watch the transformation. I plan on staying productive and active on this blog as much as I possibly can, I never knew I would some day be able to create my own passion in this way. I'm grateful for this year and I'm grateful for you guys, so stay optimistic and make those goals happen guys, change will only happen when you're ready so don't feel like you need to rush it, like I once did. I truly learned all great things happen in their own proper time, and that there's a set order to things if you're willing to embrace it, so embrace your success story, don't fight your path to greatness! I know I'll be doing an equally excited post next year about all the great things that happened in 2013 because I can feel it, there's no great feeling than taking comfort in the inevitable achievements,growth and lessons that are waiting for us all!

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I need to write something.Anything.All my thoughts and ideas appeared to be hiding from me in the darkness of my writing insecurities.I...

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