At the recent Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, Holly Heart was my final scheduled interview for the week. By this time everyone is exhausted, frayed around the edges from the hectic pace of the show. Having never met Holly, I didn't know what to expect. One thing for certain, I didn't want to rely on fluffy questions with worn out answers repackaged for the moment (what is your favorite movie, who's the hottest performer you've worked with... that sort of thing).

No worries, Holly's vitality was mind blowing and her willingness to discuss her fetishes as a BDSM submissive was a game breaker. Indeed, performers who love bondage work regard it as a spiritual adventure in a special community.

I small talked Holly a bit while we got organized. She showed me a pic on her cellphone, a Kink.com photo of her that hangs in the company's San Francisco facility.

Now in her early thirties, the native Californian primarily films as a MILF in the LA vanilla world. Trips north to SF and Oakland, where she also shoots for Matt Williams' Real Time Bondage website, energize her agenda.

Holly mentions her first BDSM experience with James Mogul, the director of Kink's The Training of O website. James is a master manipulator who discovers what interests a model and uses that as the focus for a four-day shoot.

Holly explains how James introduced her to a calibrated four days that caught her up in an eddy of emotional and psychological intoxication.

"I was like super vain and I told them [James and his assistant Maestro] that I wanted to feel beautiful even in my most detrimental moments when I don't think I am. I thought you had to be pretty, a perfect statuesque-like person, and that's not the case."

"I felt like I just wanted to be too perfect all the time and I didn't always want to feel like that. As a submissive you're not going to be pretty every day."

Holly speaks about the exhaustion of a BDSM shoot, experiencing "things that make you not physically attractive to what you may think is the [measure of] standard beauty. [It's about] what your Dominant thinks is beautiful. As a submissive I wanted to learn that, to understand that I am beautiful no matter what I look like." Simply put, she wanted to be "stripped" of her vanity and gain a maturity that realizes attractiveness has different faces and different situations.

As was customary in those days at Kink, the Training of O models stayed in the Armory after the shooting day was finished. Her four days were rewarding, she recalls, with Day Three being the most difficult.

During that session she toted wooden pallets, the sort of workout James would schedule for an athletic girl with a fitness background. "I was strong enough to carry them," Holly states proudly. The Kink team made certain that she was protected from injury, as is their protocol. Her only clothes were gloves and steel-toed boots. The real humility, she says, was the "pig's tail anal plug" and the name-calling that came with it.

"I just broke down," Holly recalls, "and was crying." They caned her feet and used zippers (clothes pins on lengths of cord) as arousal techniques while the ever present Hitachi induced orgasms. The blonde submissive believes Kink affirms the classical conditioning theories of Ivan Pavlov. "You start to associate the pain with pleasure," she states, "and you learn to process the pain with an orgasm." The rewards did come. "It took me years to get over that vanity." But she "pushed through it," Holly says, with overwhelming pride.

In the end, "I wasn't thinking about myself because as a submissive you serve others. You don't worry about you."

With serving comes liberation, Holly Heart believes, a freedom and acceptance that results from enduring personal challenges to prove to yourself how powerful you can be, a concept often foreign to the vanilla sexual world.

Holly Heart is represented by Star Factory PR. They can be reached at 818-732-0191 or via email at Info@StarFactoryPR.com.

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