“Take me out to the horse ring
Take me out to dressage.
Buy me some jodphurs and a velvet hat,
I don’t care if the orchestra’s flat,

Let me softly clap for the home horse,
If he don’t win he’ll be glue.
For it’s one, two, botched volte’s you’re out,
At the old United States Equestrian Federation National Dressage Championships In Gladstone, New Jerseyyy!”