Texts From Jane Eyre

JANE MY LITTLE SUNBEAM WHERE ARE YOU I NEED YOU BY MY SIDEI’m taking a walkbe back for dinner AH YES MY CAGED SPRITE COMMUNE WITH NATURE AND UPON YOUR RETURN RELATE TO ME THE VAGRANT GLORIES OF THE RUINED WOODSdo you really want me to describe my walk to you MORE THAN ANYTHING YOU POCKET WITCHit is fairly cloudy outlooks like rain soon AHHH TO THINK THAT MY LITTLE STARLING JANE SHOULD RETURN TO PERCH ON MY BROKEN MALFORMED SHOULDER SINGING A SONG OF THE GREY AND WRACKING SKIES MAKES MY HEART SWELL TO BURSTall right

JANE JANE I BOUGHT YOU A DRESS MADE OF TEN THOUSAND PEARLS AS A BRIDAL PRESENTwhere on earth would I wear that YOU COULD WEAR IT ON THE MOONthat seems impracticalhow would i even breathe on the moon? I WOULD BREATHE FOR YOU MY JANE

JANE WHERE HAVE YOU GONE I AM BEREFT AND WITHOUT MY JANE I SHALL SINK INTO ROGUERYi am with my cousins WHICH COUSIN IS IT THE SEXY ONEPlease don’t try to talk to me again IT IS YOUR SEXY COUSIN “ST. JOHN” WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS ST. JOHNI’m not going to answer that I KNEW IT DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF MY ATTIC WIFE IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUTyesabsolutely BECAUSE MY HOUSE IN FRANCE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE AN ATTIC IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT IT HAS A CELLAR THOUGH SO YOU KNOW DON’T CROSS ME HAHA I’M ONLY JOKING

I hope you’re packed for India alreadyI’m not going to India with you, St. John That’s not what these TWO TICKETS TO INDIA sayYou know I don’t want to marry youWhy don’t you marry Rosamond instead? Take her with you Marry her? MARRY HER? Don’t be ridiculous, I’m attracted to her That’s disgusting You are disgusting, Jane

So you’re really not coming thenI’m really not I would be an amazing husband you know that?I know I taught you Hindi and everything That’s basically the same as getting engaged for missionariesAnd I really appreciate thatIt will be terribly useful in my career as an English governess See? That. There. that is exactly the kind of tone I mean One round of cholera in the tropics would sear that sarcasm right out of youguess I really missed out Guess so