A Girlie Jones Adventure

About me

Alisa Krasnostein is World Fantasy Award winning editor and publisher at Twelfth Planet Press and part of the Galactic Suburbia Podcast Team. She was Executive Editor of the review website Aussie Specfic in Focus!.
Currently working on a PhD in Publishing, in her spare time she is a critic, reader, reviewer, runner, environmentalist, knitter, quilter and puppy lover. She is a fulltime Mum.

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I was starting to think that whole jetlag thing from Canada was an aberration. I felt fine after flying home last week with almost no sleep. Thursday I stayed up pretty late and pottered around unpacking and catching up on recorded TV. And Friday was the same. I even *baked*.

On Saturday we had invited round both our families to join us for brunch and the opening of all our presents. We were very strict about not opening any before this, and having the bridal registry delivery booked for then, so as to have something still wedding related to cling to after all the rest of the activities were done, and the honeymoon was over. I’m really glad we did it that way too because it was an excellent reason to have everybody over and catch up again after all the family related stuff we’d done at the end of December.

We hosted brunch (hence the baking) and the event lasted far longer than we’d intended due to the delivery truck not arriving in the am as promised but rather 2pm. Nonetheless there was enough excitement before then and non registry gifts and catching up and babies to coo over and very very tired dogs to laugh at (the puppy has tried to sleep non stop since we picked him up on Thursday afternoon. He had one helluva holiday).

Present opening was overwhelming and humbling and embarrassing. We are very loved and people know us very well. And now I am very excited to go all nesting with our place to fuss about and cull and replace and set up my married home. (I’m sure that feeling will pass.) I got ridiculously excited over glass jars which I had added to the list at the last moment and which doing so forced Kathryn to have to *sit down*. I didn’t really expect to get *all* of them! And now I am having a glorious time clearing out our pantry (which OMG when was the last time I did that?) and putting everything in glass jar storage. I’m hoping that the rodent proofing elements of this will offset the “but what about the Best of and Use by dates” issues). I’ll admit that I kinda want the pantry to look like this though I suspect, in reality, noone’s stays looking like that for long.

I’ll also report that I no longer have tea storage issues *grin*

Sunday was gloriously mellow before we were thrust back into the harsh glaring daylight of reality and our Normal Lives.

And then, the jetlag kicked in. Maybe as a combination of the whole having to sit at a desk and concentrate for long periods of time again, that’s always pretty draining before you get back used to it. But now I am alternating between days of feeling like I could fall asleep at any moment and nights where I am wide awake and cannot get to sleep at all. And what is with this weather Perth? So as much as I thought I would be back into the swing of things by now, and even booked a bunch of appointments thinking I would be (what.the.hell?), I very much am not. I’m dragging myself through the day bleary eyed and getting through the bare minimum when I get home at night. Here’s hoping I kick the lag sooner rather than later.

We’ve taken this week off work to do all the final errands and make all the final preparations. There’s still so much to do. But what a difference it makes having cleared the decks of all other commitments to focus on it! Yesterday I got a lot of wedding tasks done (I still have my vows and speech to write and music to select) and I also managed to knit half a mitten and start a quilt project. I forgot how much time there is on a Sunday when I’m not working.

Which is not to say that we have dropped all other commitments. There are a bunch of tradespeople coming today – the security screen man is already here and well into his second project at our house. Finally a doggie door! And then I am off to see a man about a new printer – I’m supposed to be on leave from Twelfth Planet Press as of 17 days ago but I’m still working through the end of a few projects. I intend to send two books to Amanda … I guess tonight? The closer I get to Thursday, the less non wedding things I will have time to do. But today, I am off to see a new printer. He came across me as a result of my speaking at the Jewish Women’s function in August and would like to see if we might like to use him instead of our regular printer. I’m going to go and have a look and see about that today.

And maybe catch up with some friends for lunch. And then do a bunch of wedding errands including a shoe fitting and whatever.

Saturday night Kathryn threw my Hen’s Party. It was a lot of fun. Although I had a drama an hour before leaving my place to go pick her up with a sudden and violent attack of Crohn’s. I was no t sure I would be able to leave the bathroom let alone the house. I had this horrible image of everyone else rocking up to my party and me lying at home in bed feeling terrible. Luckily it passed, though I packed sick bags in my handbag just in case. I’m not sure if it was the uber strong coffee I had that day or a sudden attack of nerves (I’m a bit worried about the actual day, if that’s the case). But if it was nerves, being surrounded by my closest friends totally did the trick and I soon forgot how bad I’d felt.

We had booked a walking bar tour of the CBD. A friend of mine took a friend of hers when she visited on this tour a year or more ago and it sounded like heaps of fun. I don’t tend to hang out much in the city anymore after 6pm and I have no idea where all the cool places are. And new eat and drink places are opening up every other week it seems. And they look really really suave. we were taken to three bars and pointed out other places on the way (he detoured down to the new BHP complex, if you’re a Perth person, to just show us what’s opened up there – there’s several months of Saturday nights to spent checking those out for starters! We will be back!!) – each stop had food or a drink supplied and then you bought others as you needed. Our first stop was Canton – and oh my how much out of Firefly is that little bar?!!! And then we ended up in Wolf Lane – which has expanded since I used to hang there.

I’m a bit sad that I could only drink soda and lime and the one mocktail. I would have been silly and dancing up a storm til late if this were 15 years ago and I weren’t sick. There were penis straws and a bride to be sash in hot pink with flashing lights. But best of all there were a bunch of close friends who have been there with me on all the heartbreaks and career decisions and life decisions of importance. And having them with me to go out and relax and hang out a week before “that thing on Sunday” as we are calling it, was the best night ever. And I’m not as nervous now!

Planning a wedding has fully done my head in, and not necessarily in the ways I expected it to. There are so many decisions involved in the process and by and large, most of them I don’t care about so I ‘ve seemed more decisive or less “caring” than most brides. I took five minutes or less to decide on my veil for example (I took about 9 months to decide I’d have a veil at all, in comparison). In my determination not to be referred to as a bridezilla (a state of being I now better understand than I ever thought I would and now realise it to be an utterly sexist way of diminishing a bride when all else fails) we decided early on what would be the things we would go to battle on and be prepared to die on the field about and then anything else just didn’t matter.

We’ve been focussed on the end result – that we get married – and seen the rest as icing on the cake. So I haven’t lost my shit over things like:

pregnant bridesmaids and having to fit the dress to them rather than the dress to my dream vision;

changing my bouquets at the last minute because my original flower colour clashed with the colour of the dress I ended up with due to it being the closest colour I could get to what I wanted and available in the three style choices I could choose from for the bridesmaid dresses see previous;

compromise on my table centrepiece flowers cause orchids don’t come in the colour I originally wanted for the look I finally chose;

blah blah a bunch of other things got changed from original thoughts cause they didn’t work in execution, they didn’t fit with the timing or suit everyone else involved, they ended up not working with the final look

On the one hand, I wonder if later on I will care more and have got into it all more but that’s Future Me and Present Me thinks this stuff is not worth dying over. And I’m also realistic about large scale projects. They always have compromise and they never deliver what the initial concept phase was anyhow. And we’ll get married (as long as we do actually finish writing the damn vows). And on the other hand, I’m happy with each choice I’ve made, in the context of why I made it, as I’ve proceeded. So I’m fascinated with the way the outcome has deviated from initial concept.

Here’s the thing though. I had some very specific outcomes that I wanted and they weren’t tangible. They were about vibe and feeling – friends and family – that kinda thing. And I had a bunch of ideas about how I would create situations to achieve these and see above on compromise. What I’ve learned is, 6 year old me was very imaginative but she didn’t actually have much worldliness in which to base her ideas and visions in context. She didn’t know much about life. And if my actual wedding looks nothing like her ideas, that doesn’t mean the spirit of it isn’t there.

My focus for our wedding is to be surrounded by family and friends and have a joyous day. For me, one of the ways I hope that will be expressed is through traditional Jewish dancing at the reception. I’ve always wanted to be right in the middle of the frenetic antics on my wedding day and I love to be a part of it on others. I love expressing happiness through dance. So instead of having the kind of bridal showers I’ve been to for other brides I know – tupperware party, linen tea, kitchen tea etc – I wanted to have a bridal shower that was a traditional Jewish dancing lesson so those who have never been to a Jewish wedding before would get a taste of what to expect, learn a few of the dance moves and mostly be reassured that there is no wrong! It’s mostly free form and all about silliness and one-upmanship and having a good time.<

My bridal shower was a couple of weeks ago. Not everyone could come but it was a really great mix of people. And we’d asked that instead of presents attendees bring a recipe of theirs to contribute to a recipe book to be put together for C and I. Kathryn, my sister and my Mum helped me cater an afternoon tea spread. And I have to say, I was really taken aback by what actually moved me about the event. I was really touched by those who came along – some are unable to come to our wedding day and it meant a lot that they came anyway and were a part of the whole … is process the right word? … maybe series of celebrations. Rite of passage almost feels like how to describe it.

I feel like this is a process of being embraced. Some of my closed family members asked me what of their recipes I wanted and it’s so heartwarming to think about which memories do I want to bring into my family home as I cook their recipes and serve them to my family and guests on special occasions. Others sent their recipes along even though they themselves couldn’t make it. And almost everyone included a message or note somewhere on the recipe, making it totally personal and special (sorry Kathryn, I totally peeked).

And there was dancing and lots of people humouring me with joining in and getting into it, which meant a lot to me. And I’m looking forward to the day and hopefully we will be able to create the … the Hebrew word I’m looking for is ru’ach – spirit.

The one thing I was worried about, and why I asked someone to come and show us the moves is that whilst I know how to do the dances, I mostly pick them up at a wedding when someone else is doing the steps and then I join in and show others. But I don’t actually know most of the complicated dances myself. I was standing there with an aunt and cousin trying to remember a few of them and they said, “Don’t you know?”
I replied, “I always follow you two!”
And they said, “Someone will know on the night”
And then I panicked, “But *we* are all the people. It’s just us!”

So I might still be a little bit anxious that we don’t have enough core people who know the steps to pull it off. And I’m also worried because the men’s dancing is a lot more … extreme … shall we say? And whilst there are enough strapping young men attending, I don’t know there are enough who can instruct them on what to do (ie how to throw people. Don’t ask).

I have a really great band and the lead guy was who came along to give the dancing lesson. He’d prepared stuff for to show the guys so at this stage, his plan is to pull a few people aside during the pre-dinner cocktails and hand over some tips. I’m sure it will be fine …

It meant a lot to me to see people come along to my bridal shower and take part and be enthusiastic about our coming wedding day. It’s very odd the process from going from a very personal relationship between you and someone else to something that extends beyond that and involves all the people you know. And is the actual point of the wedding itself.

So this kind of kickstarted this dawning of being on the train. My hen’s night is coming up and I wanted to sort of keep it reasonably low key and be more a few close friends round me as I march closer and closer towards this big event. I’m again quite touched by who has ended up coming along to this – my sister-in-law-to-be will have arrived in town and is able to come. And a few work friends who can’t make it to the big day are coming along, available for this. And it’s starting to feel like a drawn out celebratory rite of passage with different friends and family rallying around me at different stages of the procession. It’s not quite what I expected this to be. But like everything in this whole experience, it’s better than that.

I’m looking forward to my hen’s night. Looking forward to catching up and spending time with friends I’ve not been able to see as much this year as I would have liked cause life got in the way. And I’m really excited by how much each of these events is adding to my excitement for the day.

Well, it’s mid August already. I really don’t know how this happened. It was February 5 minutes ago.

This morning we got up very very early and headed to Garden Island and helped settle C into his very small cabin which he has the luxury of sharing with only one other person this tour and then we breakfasted with other families of the crew on the deck of his warship and then stood on the wharf and waved as it gently pulled away and headed off to sea. And as we stood there waving him goodbye, the crew all standing on the decks rather formally as they head off, the tiniest voice from behind me called out, “Bye Daddy.” Damn that wrenched my heart.

So we are here. At this phase in the year. The bit where after 2.5 years of having him home every day, C has headed back to sea. And this is a four month stretch as he goes off to do all things naval and I get to do all the final planning for our wedding. And then he will come home and we will be married. Basically I won’t be living with him again until we are husband and wife. It was all fine and good cause this bit was, you know, off there on the horizon, and beyond, the wedding. But um. Here we are.

And tonight I met with my parents and a member of the band we were looking at for the wedding. And he is all very experienced in the kind of wedding we are looking at having. And I thought we’d toss around a few ideas and see what we thought and go away and come back. But he totally sat down and planned all the sets, I chose the bridal dance music, and we worked out the schedule for the reception. And somewhere in that process it hit me. I’m getting married. I’m really getting married. Woah!

So my intention is to post every day here because otherwise I might start talking to myself and noone wants that! And because I honestly have no idea how I am going to get everything done that I have on the list between now and Dec 23. And because maybe stopping to write it all down might slow it down a bit?

Oh look, here’s another topic I have been struggling to pull into a coherent piece. We’re getting married. And I’m over the moon that I am going to marry C. I’m really excited about our wedding day and the life we are planning together. But I have to admit that the planning of the wedding, for me, is an internal struggle between two parts. And as we get deeper into this, it gets more uncomfortable and as such I am getting less and less decisive on things. Which means, I am embarrassed to admit, C is doing much more of the coordination of details than me.

Here’s the thing. There is 12 year old me aka the Hollywood stereotype thinker and there’s 36 year old me – independent woman, feminist, etc. They actually agree far less often than you might think.

12 year old me has always dreamed of the white dress, the veil, being walked down the aisle. The whole kit and caboodle. And in some ways, this would be the really easy option. Open up the Hollywood recipe of how to plan a wedding, follow steps A through W and bazinga you have yourself the white wedding we all dreamed of.

The thing is … I’m 36. And I’m not the wide-eyed innocent swapping her parents’ home for her husband’s, to be wife and mother. I’m really struggling with a lot of the symbology of weddings. And I think it would be really easy to just not think about them and I spose a lot of people don’t. But I started to think about what things mean, as people ask do I want this or that, and I don’t want to be an automaton. I don’t want to do things just because that’s what is expected or because everyone else does. But as soon as you start to think about deeper meanings and symbolism of rituals, it really starts to hurt your brain. So for example, I’m not something “to be given away” – I’m not property and noone owns me and more than that, I already left home some time ago and earn my own keep. I’m not really comfortable with a veil – what’s that about, hiding the bride’s face and all that? And then there’s the dress itself. Can I really, with a straight face, saunter down the aisle in a big white meringue and not look completely over the top? Except, some little part of me still says, in a very tiny voice, but I want to wear the dress! And .. it’s not often you have an occasion to wear a ball gown, so why not? And … but veils are so pretty! And this is a one time chance to wear one. Picking wedding colours, styles and a theme feels so defined, such a statement of “this is who I am/who we are” when really it might just be one aspect of who we are. On the other hand, we’re planning a wedding here and decisions need to be made and things booked and deposits paid. It’s all rather overwhelming.

I blogged before about this: I want our wedding to be meaningful to us and represent who we are and what kind of life we plan to make together. It very much needs to be a blend of the two of us. And for my part, throwing out a lot of the traditions feels right and wrong at the same time – I am a person who loves ritual but at the same time, cannot go along with things that have always been just because they have always been so when they let women down. Which means we have the chance to start from the foundations and build upwards. But I have no idea what that means or what that will eventually look like. Or where to start thinking about that.

That all makes it sound so much more tortured than it is! We had a lot of fun going wedding cake tasting which I might confess I took inspiration from the Gilmore Girls. Oddly though, I got over cake much quicker than I thought I would. We didn’t even eat all the cakes here in this wedding cake taster box! And in the end, it only took a morning of doing the wedding cake circuit to find the cake I wanted and lock it in. Though I maintain I will find an event to plan so I can order and serve the light green cake with Japanese orange blossoms

PS. After I wrote this post, I realised that I want to change the theme of our wedding. C just rolled his eyes. Though it has meant that I spent the weekend creating picture boards of my ideas for the theme and I’m much more excited and feel much more focused and clear on what I think I want.

Well. This blogging thing has fallen over. I’ve got so many posts I want to write and I’m beside myself that right now I have absolutely no time to even draft out words for them. This week went by in a blur. Last weekend we had our engagement party, just a small thing for very close family and friends, and I want to post about that and some other wedding related things. I’m hoping to grab some photos first – one of my uncles took like 450 photos! Can’t wait to see them. Anyway, we were utterly exhausted Sunday night after the weekend and that’s never a good way to enter the work week.

By Thursday I was so knackered that I got into work, woke up and realised I felt vile, sat at my desk working for 2 hours and ran hot and cold and awful and then got back in my car, drove an hour and a half home and collapsed fully clothed on my bed. And slept. And slept. And Slept. And I don’t nap. I mean, I NEVER nap. Not even when I’ve pulled an allnighter or flown 36 hours to the other side of the world. I hate napping. And then I was Zombie!GJ for the rest of the evening. Bleurgh. I would have also taken Friday off but we had this big meeting on and I knew that I needed to be there for it to figure out my role in the project (which I’m glad I did attend because now I do know what’s going on and how to move forward. Also weird to have been doing this gig long enough to go to random meeting with 10 people from all over the place and know like half of them really well.)

Anyway, I mostly stayed on nutrition track this week. Treat meal came a little early in the week but I’ve managed to avoid falling off the tracks this weekend. Exercise though fell by the wayside. I was just so freaking tired, I was literally dragging myself through the week and standing next to walls to avoid falling over. I skipped three days of exercise, only getting back on the wagon yesterday. So I only managed to lose 0.5kg this week. On the other hand, normally for me, a week like this one, I would have yoyo’ed back up a bit so that I’m taking as a win. But yeah. One of the excuses I noted down that I use before I started this thing, is “I feel sick” and that is such a hard one to navigate. Should I have continued dragging my arse through cardio on Thurs and Fri? I do know my body and self pretty well and I was hitting the wall on Thursday. I reckon if I hadn’t pulled the plug on some stuff, I’d have been ill in bed this weekend.

Fact is, currently this routine is unsustainable. There is no time left in the day after commuting, working, exercise and sleep. I’ve been trying to find time for TPP and that’s ended up being taken out of the sleep bucket. Doesn’t really work long term. I’m a bit better on track with the upcoming books - Showtime is at the printers, Through Splintered Walls is half at proofing and half at finalising final copy edits, I’ve begun working through Salvage edits, Cracklescape is almost ready to go to layout and we’re working on edits for Asymmetry. Though I’m only ever happy when it’s not me being the bottleneck. And it’s possible that with the end of last week, I am. And of course my readers are working through the novel manuscripts and I’ve made a start on those. Publicity and marketing are behind. And I had one grant application to submit last week (done but through the haze of exhaustion) and one still to be written for next month. And I’m working on a talk that I’m giving on a Saturday in a couple of weeks. And so on and on and on.

It’s been a really full on week, and I want to sit and write about it. But first I have a couple of Twelfth Planet Press developments that I really want to plug in this space.

This space. What is it anyway? What is it *for*? I really knew what my livejournal account was for, I knew why I posted there and I knew what and how and for whom. But after nearly 200 posts in this new space, it still feels like clothes that don’t quite fit or party where you don’t really know anyone. I thought if I just wrote, it would sort itself out, that I would find a voice or a tone or a something. But I haven’t really. LJ always felt more intimate. It felt more personal. But then, 5 years ago, I could write a lot more anonymously than now. And now it just feels really self conscious.

Anyway.

I started my new job this week. And for much of the week I just wanted to write a post with the one sentence: Life is weird. But halfway through I thought, no … life is interesting. When I first applied for this job I knew there was an hour and a half commute and I told C that I would have to leave home at *7.30* to get there by 9 and we both wondered how in the hell I would be able to do that. But then … then I had that weird jetlag thing and I started the getting to work at 7.30 thing so leaving home at 6.30 was completely doable. And so it is. And I dunno. Isn’t life funny the way totally disparate things can synchronise?

I like my new job and workplace so far. Everybody is really nice. I really like my new boss and team. The drive is long but I have signed up to try out Audible. com and that’s been working well. And the view is very pleasant. I’ve restructured the way I eat in the day so as to not get sugar drops on the long drives. I’ve started packing my own lunches now as well as breakfast cause there is no onsite canteen. And I’m happy. So far I’m really happy. The work is interesting and challenging. It’s enough in my experience to be able to hit the ground jogging but broader than my knowledge so that I will have to work hard to get up to speed for the level I will be expected to perform at – but I got an itemised checklist for what that specifically means. It’s going to be hard work and full on and challenging – this is both a little bit daunting and also the reason I went for the position. There’s room for me to grow and evolve and that’s exciting. So … this was a good thing.

And today we headed off to the jewellers to hand over my gems for my engagement ring, I’d been working to and fro with her on ideas for the ring and today we finalised it. And we got to use the gems as the deposit. There aren’t many moments in your life where you get to use stones as currency and I loved it! It did make me feel a bit like a swashbuckling pirate. I also played up a bit with the “have you brought the diamonds?” It’s not often you get to feel like you’re in a heist movie! I’m happy to have locked in a decision and am really looking forward to seeing the final product. Couple of weeks and I’ll finally have it. It’s amazing how many people’s eyes go straight to your left hand when you tell them you just got engaged. I’ve also been blown away by how many women will let you try on their rings to see what you like and what suits your hand.

That’s mostly my weekly check in. I’m intending to go back to working one full solid day of the weekend for TPP to make up for the lack of time I have in the week now from the commute. I was really really tired (and headachy) the first couple of nights and couldn’t do anything other than collapse on the couch. It’s amazing how draining just showing up to a new place, learning the ropes and meeting new people can be. I mean, I worked the full week before I started here and in work really similar. It’s not like I suddenly rocked up in ER for a Saturday night shift after being a pool boy or anything. Weird.

Really, I do keep meaning to update but time is just getting away from me. Seriously, where the hell did November go? I’m not even sure that we actually did all 30 days of it? C and I keep looking at each other and wondering where the month went but also noting that we did a heck of a lot of things this year too. I’m planning on making a wrap up end of year list to remind myself because I know it’s going to be ridiculous.

I’m still doing my 6am starts with being at work by 7.30am. And that means I’m going to bed 10ish which feels like I have very little time in the evenings, or outside work. It must be about the same though, surely? Though, I am also using these hours so probably I have less hanging about in my out of work hours. Today we opened up the Dance Central 2 game that C bought me cause I said I would dance if I had it. And we had a good hour of that. I kinda think that dancing is a far more fun way to get fit than booooring going to the gym agaaaain. Plus I’ve been watching So You Think You Can Dance on Friday nights on 11 and missing that part of my life a bit. And then I had a terrible dream last night, a nightmare if you will, that I went to audition for SYTYCD and the only judge on the panel was Robert Shearman and my body just … well … it got old and it couldn’t do any of the things it used to. Well that put a light under my bushel (is that the saying?).

Other than that, we’ve been recording podcasts - Galactic Suburbia the week before last and then again this week. And I’m enjoying actually finishing novels. I have a new one for this week’s episode and am determined to finish Yarn by it too. So that we can get on with the spoilerific podcast for that. But somehow, I’m working my way through my very pared down to read queue by my bed and actually books are making it to the real bookshelves at the other end of the house. I can read! Phew!! Though I keep thinking of all the things I want to get done in my holidays and forgetting that I am not 9 anymore and it’s only 10 days and not 10 weeks. Bummer.

We also recorded a new episode of Live and Sassy. You know what December is like – I really don’t know why we a) all leave everything to the last 4 weeks of the year and b) have this imaginary line in time where simply MUST catch up with everyone we know before the end of the year, as though terrible things will happen if we leave some of them til the week after just cause it’s the first week of the next year. Anyway, so our calendars didn’t coordinate so well and we skyped this episode. We’ll be back to doing it live in a cafe and annoying our listeners with background noise early in the new year.

And books! And projects! I’m really pushing to get a few projects to the printer’s by Xmas so that I can work in a I’m in the Future kind of publishing world in 2012. We’ll see how that goes. I’m expecting Bad Power to arrive any day now. And we have Showtime in layout proofing. And Through Splintered Walls is shaping up nicely. I’m also working on a novella project which we’ll announce soon. And another possible sekret project. And of course, I’m clearing the decks for the novel submission month of January.

And planning a wedding. I only just realised today that I get to plan a holiday as well since we know where we are off to on our honeymoon. EXCITING!!! Yesterday we all trouped back to the wedding venue and did very important things like sign the contract and pay the deposit. Tis booked. And they said “see you in 8 – 10 weeks before the wedding” – OMG! And I got a showbag which was rather exciting. Or you know … useful. The venue owner finally managed to convey to my mother what I had failed to do so -the awesomeness of bonbonierre. It’s not a thing in our culture so it’s a completely foreign convept to us, I guess. However, we now have some awesome ideas to play with for that.

C is always teasing me because I never stop and enjoy the things that I *do* achieve in a day.

Today, we went with my parents to wedding venue choice number 1 to take a tour and try the food. Etc. We loved it. And we pencilled our names in for a date – the date that we could get. Which was a coupla months further out than we’d thought. Which means that I get extra time. For things. And stuff. And we all loved it, which is great. I wasn’t sure about the date but we popped in to see C’s parents afterwards and they were very happy with it too.

And so … we’re getting married.

Yes, yes, I know we all already knew that but … I was referred to as The Bride. I might have quietly hyperventilated about that – the reference to moments like “Announce the bride” and “We will hide you here and then present etc” – what? everyone is going to be looking at me! Anyway. It feels a lot more real now that we have a date. And my parents were there and we discussed details and and and holy crap! We’re getting married.

When I blogged a few months ago about things suddenly getting very real? This was one of them.

And I booked in for my first facial. Did you know you need to start your moisturising routine a year out from your wedding? You know, to look your best. It’s fascinating the way this industry fuels it’s own demand. All you have to do is tell a bride she needs to have been doing X by yesterday or of course she needs Y and if you haven’t had enough sleep, the crazy starts to sound like sense. And I wouldn’t have bought into the whole facial thing if my workmate who is getting married not long after me, started booking herself in for 6 weekly facials, and she is like, doing nothing at all that’s wedding train. I started to panic – do *I* need to be doing that? Don’t *I* want to look the best that I can look on the day? Meh.

It turns out that going to World Fantasy Con marks important milestones in my life. THIS time, I’m heading off engaged!

Last night C asked me to marry him and I said yes.

And it’s a very surreal and odd experience – the aftermath, that is. Everyone wants to know if you’ve set a date yet (we haven’t) and where you’re getting married (OMG haven’t even thought about it yet!) and the details of how he proposed. And that one’s funny. We don’t have a story (my sister says we need to manufacture one) and what actually happened actually feels really personal and intimate. Which in itself is weird – what? You mean I don’t want to talk about something that happened in my life in minute detail ? – yeah, weird.

I’ve spent the last five years deprogramming myself from the Hollywood bullshit and it turns out, that life is not a movie. There are no script writers, make up artists, costumers, producers or stage runners. There is no perfect time, no perfect sentence and no perfectly constructed set up for the important moments in life. Or rather, it turns out, that when you find the perfect person, it’s always the perfect time, the perfect sentence and the perfectly constructed setting.

I haven’t been this happy in my life for a very very long time. Every week I notice myself reclaiming aspects of myself that I long put away in deep freeze. I feel like in my life it’s spring again and the sun feels warm on my face. C and I just fit together, like two pieces of a whole. We understand each other and we are a team. And life is good and full of laughter and geeky jokes. And love and support. I feel loved by him every single day, whether he is home or away at work. And I feel heard, and appreciated and supported. I feel valued and important. And I also love him very much. He makes me laugh. He learned to cook cause I said he had to. He is a good and loyal friend. And now, we are going to be together. For. The. Rest. Of. Our. Lives.