Akari: it can just become better

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Today I got up at 5, happy that the boring last week ended. On Christmas the whole family annoyed each other like each year. That's why nobody stays to celebrate my birthday on 27th (except for my mom.) This year my sister ignored me completely on my birthday. She's jealous that she doesn't get the whole attention of my mother for herself.

After 10 min at work today I wanted already to go home and hide in my bed. The year started like the old had ended.

This year I need to change something. Last year I got 10 kg just because of eating out of frustration. If I continue like that I need new clothes next year. Some of my jeans don't fit already anymore.

My goals for this year:

- lose 10kg weight

- pass the halftime exam of apprenticeship end of February with a good result

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After 10 min at work today I wanted already to go home and hide in my bed.

Mood.

IIRC your coworkers are mostly terrible people and your internship is a huge pain in the ass, right? Sounds like you took a break from that to go home and deal with a family full of terrible people. That's no fun. I'm not sure how it is with internships in your location, but if you can take a real vacation -- even a staycation, just some time for yourself -- it might help you shore up your defenses a bit.

Best of luck with your halftime exams! Is there anything you need to do to study, or is it mostly about on-the-job training you've already received?

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Ignoring their biting tone. Don't become angry when someone runs again to supervisor to tell her what I did wrong. Writing every task down, so I won't forget it. Doing my lunch break no matter what important stuff need to be done and telling them what I can't finish.

12 hours ago, Wobbegong said:

family full of terrible people

They are not so terrible, except of my younger sister.

3 hours ago, fleaball said:

I really want to come over there and light your internship on fire. Were you trying to finish it early or am I remembering wrong? Is that still a thing you can try to do?

Yes, that's still the thing. With good results in the exam I can ask to shorten. The exam is about theoretical stuff.

In order to get my weight down I need to learn again to eat properly. For the first week I set some simple rules:

no sugar, three meals per day, no snacks

Activity: either 15 min running or 15 min workout

One of my biggest problems at work is that I forget small things and don't finish a task at 100%. It's like getting 9/10 points in a test. Somehow I lack the concentration. And I can't run around with checklists I started last year to write down the mistakes. Maybe that'll help.

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In order to get my weight down I need to learn again to eat properly. For the first week I set some simple rules:

no sugar, three meals per day, no snacks

30 minutes ago, Akari said:

That no sugar policy didn't work. I couldn't resist that half chocolate bar.

How much sugar are you eating currently? It might be easier to pare down the amount than go cold-turkey. It also might be easier to substitute alternate sugar sources. Dried fruit instead of candy, that sort of thing.

Suddenly changing your sugar intake and overall calorie timing (like not eating snacks between meals) can take some adjusting and might make your brain a little fuzzy while your body gets used to the new routine. So definitely focus on writing down everything you have to do, and anticipate that your productivity may decline at first.

Good luck Akari!

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To not eat snacks does work pretty well. First, because I eat enough at meals. Second, on workdays, I don't have much time to eat snacks. I tend to eat at 6, 11 and 17 o clock, simply coz I'm hungry. And I don't use sugar in coffee and tea at all. I'll gonna lock the chocolate now away and pin a paper at the door of the cupboard "Don't"

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My boss is always up for working efficiently. If you save 6 seconds and do this task 10 times you saved a minute and per day and 5 min per week. Great, right?

I asked my supervisor today to skip the counting in the warehouse for this week. Because nobody was working last week and all workers are this week out of company, so nobody took something out of the warehouse.

Answer from my supervisor: ofc, you have to count! It's 2 weeks since last time.

Second thing where she got mad: I asked the new colleague to take the main telephone, because I wanted to do lunch break. My thought was that this guy is no apprentice, he will be able to write down what somebody wants. Another colleague heard that I, a little apprentice, are giving orders to someone and run straight to my supervisor. So, my supervisor gave me a speech how I could dare to give orders.

And in the early morning someone asked me why I didn't bring enough chairs for the meeting. I was perplexed. I thought I there were enough. Then I noticed that everyone was too afraid to sit in the chair of the boss despite him being still in vacation. In this company you learn to follow without thinking and questioning. And when the supervisor orders you to go with the head through the wall you have to do it.

I'll try to think positive: 14 months left from 30.

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First week was like preparation week. I did not get anything done except cleaning my room. On Saturday I went to buy groceries: vegetables, meat, fish, nothing with added sugar (except one yogurt). Btw, the chocolate and cookies are empty now.

On Monday I went running and on Tuesday I did training in gym. I also had no need for snacks coz I ate enough at my 3 meals. On Monday I went to Japanese lesson.

Monday was quite peaceful at work. Tuesday was a nice boring school day. I got the results of two tests. I'm surprised and happy that I got a 1 in cost calculations.

Today I had no tasks in the morning. So I asked my supervisor. Suddenly I had a full to do list. I went 10 min too late to fetch the letters in the post office and afterwards I got again a preach about responsibilities and duty ... And the words "you have nothing to do at all but can't do the little bit you have in time" I couldn't get the key for the car because the responsible man was in a meeting and I didn't want to disturb. "You could have knocked and ask for the key." I just thought yeah sure, to make them angry coz I can't wait 10 min.

I'll never again say I got not enough to do. They just turn my words around. "you said you got nothing to do" I just wanted to show them that I want to do something. I wanted to show that I don't just sit and wait till I get tasks.

No matter what I do it's wrong. But I don't care anymore that much about their anger. I once read about an experiment with dogs. The poor creatures sat on a metal plate in a cage and got electrical shocks on each position where they tried to sat. They could not sit "right". At some point they wouldn't react anymore. Because they would get punished anyway. I feel the same. No escape and punished for anything. One success I had despite all that: I'm now pretty confident about handling spare parts orders.

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The new year is already two weeks old. Time is just flying by but it still seems to be an eternity that I need to stay in my company (a little more than a year). My fellow apprentice, the technical drawer, thinks about leaving the company. His parents seem to makes his life terrible and than this company. I'm so sorry for him. I understand that he wants to go but I tried to convince him to search first another company where he can continue to learn his profession, before he quits.

This weekend the sun was shining. The last two months there was more rain and grey sky than sun. I went out to go running. Even so it was really cold I felt good and enjoyed it. I just managed to run 1,5 km in intervals but that's okay for now.

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Work is as horrible as always. My boss now said: If you don't become better, do fewer mistakes, then we will send you home. You can then sit home with full payment and wait till your apprenticeship is over. Law doesn't allow this. And he knows he can't fire me. And I won't agree to stay home. He has the duty to teach me until I finish the apprenticeship. He also said today: The reason why you had nothing to do for several months was that you said that your tasks overwhelm you. In 2017 I had the first 4 months of the year literally nothing to do (cooking coffee and counting stuff in the warehouse doesn't count). How to teach someone how to do something when you don't even let him watch how it is done?

In school, we wrote a test exam. Had 70% correct answers. So just a bit more learning and I will get a good result. 4 weeks until the exam.

The only good thing that my boss said is that he won't be in my way when I want to shorten my apprenticeship. So with a 99% chance, there are just 12 months left.

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Some positive changes happened in the last week. I am now responsible for almost all spare parts orders and I have suddenly so many things to do that I really need to think about what's important now, what to do next. But it seems like this stress helps me. Even my supervisor noticed that I do less mistakes and get things done. Maybe because I do tasks that matter.

I adopted now something from getting things done. With this method you shall make lists. I don't write everything in a list but I work with this principle:

3. Box with all offers I wrote and send to clients and where I wait for an answer

4. Folder with pockets for all client orders (one pocket for each order)

5. Folder with pockets for papers which I need to let sign by supervisor

6. Folder with pockets for all kind of tasks, papers..

It's like having lists, but it's easier to move items from one list to another. For example: offer moves from box to folder for papers to sign after client confirmed order and then to the folder with all orders till I write the invoice.

In the beginning I should make a folder for each order but with spare parts orders that is extra work. and folders take to much space on desk.

Yesterday I was half the day busy picking up phone calls with new requests, while writing offers.

And the most important thing: I'm having fun.

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Some positive changes happened in the last week. I am now responsible for almost all spare parts orders and I have suddenly so many things to do that I really need to think about what's important now, what to do next. But it seems like this stress helps me. Even my supervisor noticed that I do less mistakes and get things done. Maybe because I do tasks that matter. I adopted now something from getting things done. With this method you shall make lists. I don't write everything in a list but I work with this principle: 1. Outlook inbox (because in my company tasks and questions are communicated via email) 2. To do folder in outlook (to move some stuff out of inbox) 3. Box with all offers I wrote and send to clients and where I wait for an answer 4. Folder with pockets for all client orders (one pocket for each order) 5. Folder with pockets for papers which I need to let sign by supervisor 6. Folder with pockets for all kind of tasks, papers.. It's like having lists, but it's easier to move items from one list to another. For example: offer moves from box to folder for papers to sign after client confirmed order and then to the folder with all orders till I write the invoice. In the beginning I should make a folder for each order but with spare parts orders that is extra work. and folders take to much space on desk.

Yesterday I was half the day busy picking up phone calls with new requests, while writing offers.

And the most important thing: I'm having fun.

That is brilliant!! doing things that matter is very important to avoid getting distracted and make mistakes.They might not have told you before, but you holding on that tough time must have been noticed.I am so happy for you!

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Everything seems to get better. But suddenly everything went back to the old. I do so many things wrong. I forget so much. I feel so much pressure. My supervisor asked me today why I can't talk normally to the one colleague while I can do this to the other. What shall I say? I don't like that woman because she treated me badly from the beginning. She is arrogant. She doesn't care for my opinion. She says I can ask everything but when I do I get no real help. She makes me feel uncomfortable because the way she says things or because of her comments or because of her stupid questions like I am a 5-year-old. "You thought? Better ask and don't think." "You think you have the competency to do so?" "We did this since 10 years." "I have thought this through so you don't need to question this."

And my supervisor comes up with questions like "Why you did this wrong? Explain me!" What shall I say? I don't know why I forget again to write "Netto" after "payable till 28th February". I don't know why I forget easy things. On Monday I had to find an invoice. I searched everywhere but didn't find it, so I went to ask my supervisor. She was pissed that I annoyed her. I don't want to ask. I'm too afraid to ask anything because they are annoyed or angry coz.

When they are angry I just get silence look on the floor and try to hold back tears. I can't stand up and say something. I can't defend myself. I have zero self-confidence. And when I find some words to explain they just say: Stop arguing, stop discussing, stop finding excuses. And they never really listen. Or I'm explaining wrong. I dunno. My supervisor seems to always misunderstand me.

I really don't know how to continue. I dunno how to do fewer mistakes. I don't know how to get rid of that feeling always being pressured. I am always under observation and each misstep is brought to the supervisor. It's like when an old woman is sitting at the window: "Mrs X got a new shirt. This time it is red, not blue."

It's not even a consolation that the invoice and the two offers I wrote today were perfectly done. I just think about: "There is nothing you can do right. No matter if you have just a few tasks or a lot."

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It's frustrating. Sometimes we do better under pressure, and other times it seems like we can't do anything right under pressure. I know if I have someone looking over my shoulder, always watching me, I make all of the stupidest mistakes. And it's so hard to build up self-confidence in that kind of environment.

IDK. I think you'd do much better working somewhere with colleagues that treat you nicely. But you can't really change that yet.

You can do things right. The problem isn't you, or how many tasks you have, but the people you work with.

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Today I wrote my first exam. I learn as much as I had planned but I did some older exams to test myself. This showed me which knowledge I was missing and how the tasks are always structured. I have a good feeling about this exam. After 1 hour I had finished and needed to wait another 30 min till I could go.

This weekend I was home. My symphonic orchestra has a new project: the light opera "Pinafore". In two weeks is the concert. It was really good to just forget work, to play, to talk with other musicians, having fun despite that it was exhausting to play for hours.

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Today I am really satisfied with my work. I got several client orders done. Everything was fine till I gave one false information to a colleague. No damage resulted out of it. It was just about the status of an order. I said that the order was sent to the supplier but it wasn't. I will go out today. I just wanted to say: yes everything is fine, no need to worry I manage that order. And I didn't want to hear any further questions about it. But because I lied they are all mad. And of course my supervisor came again with: "you can't do anything right, nobody can trust you. I tell that the boss."

Yesterday I had a discussion about me not having the client offers finished. Half the day I had to do all kind of stuff: cook coffee, empty dishwasher, throw away old paper, search this, search that, copy this. When I tried to explain u just got to hear: you have to organize yourself better, this are your tasks.

I just have 8 hours per day. It's not about organizing myself. Yes I can save time when being organized and I can do better on that. But some things take time. And they just think that I do nothing all day and that they do far more than me. They don't even try to understand me. They just expect that I work like them (while being an apprentice with not even half the money)