When It’s Time to Say Goodbye (Part One)

In all relationships there is a time when you will come to ask some questions about whether it’s time to end it or not. The hardest question of all to answer is how can you know for sure when your relationship is just not working and it may be time to get out?

To help those of you, who think you might be at that point right now, here are some questions to ask yourself that might make it a little easier for you.

There are three really difficult questions that you can use as a guide to see how close you are to that point of no return. And, while you contemplate the answers to these questions you also need to remind yourself of what the truth of the situation really is. That is answer the questions from an objective place, as if you were an observer, as opposed to answering them from a subjective place, that is from your own perspective with your own prejudices and judgments.

Also as you answer these questions keep in mind the definitions I spoke about in an earlier article/blog of the five keys to an enduring relationship concerning our basic needs. If you remember, they were recognition of our emotional, physical, spiritual, social and security needs.

The answers must be based on your partner’s recognition of your needs in those areas, as well as your recognition of his or her needs in those areas, and the rights of both of you to have your needs met.

So here are the questions. Take your time to answer them.

1. Do you feel that you still love your partner and do you feel that your partner still loves you?

2. If you had your time again would you still go into this relationship?

3. If you could leave your partner right now without there being any cost, trouble or ramifications of any kind would you?

A word of warning – just be very careful here because when you are feeling unhappy about your personal life, you can also get caught up in the negative aspects of your relationship and forget about all the good things or the good times you might have once had. You can even begin to think that it is your relationship that is at fault when the truth is it is more about you as an individual rather than you as a couple.

So before you do anything else take a moment right now to think about these questions. Maybe you could even write down any thoughts you have as you contemplate these issues. Then take some time to project yourself one, two or five years into the future and be really honest with yourself as you take a look to see clearly what is there for you in your relationship.

Look out for part two in these series of article/blog entries to learn what to do with the results of this questionnaire. If you can’t wait till my next entry you can subscribe to my mailing list. Then you will receive the free e-book that this questionnaire comes from. It’s titled “Relationships – A Couple’s Journey”.