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June 22, 2008

‘Frankly, Howden, I Would Have Been a Cr*P MP’

by Sam Savage

THE COLUMNISTS

One minute he is. The next he isn't. After first saying his ex- boss Rupert Murdoch had told him to, Kelvin MacKenzie explains in 'The Sun' why he will not be standing against David Davis in July's by-election in Haltemprice and Howden. "It's a sign of the heightened tension in the political world that there was such interest in a clapped-out ex-tabloid editor standing in a by- election. Nice and early, I managed to stick my foot in it when asked ... if I'd been to Hull and I said: "Once. It's a shocker ..." That was the first major sign that I may not be cut out for Westminster .... More importantly, there is my health ... people in the North have a 20 per cent higher chance of dying from cancer than those in the South. Frankly, Howden, I am too young to die. The truth is that I would have been a cr*p MP. I would have said what I thought and, for the next two years to the general election, I would have been apologising to all and sundry."

'At least these girls have the sense to get an abortion'

In the past year, the number of abortions for girls under 14 has risen by 21 per cent. Caitlin Moran in 'The Times' says things could be worse. "Let's face it, the rise in teenage abortion is not the scandalous statistic here. It is, ultimately, the teenage pregnancies that are the problem. Why are these pregnancies occurring? ... while these might be thoughtless, unhappy, chaotic teenage girls, at least they have the sense to acknowledge that they are not ready to become mothers. While many may bemoan teenage girls having serial abortions, a grimmer story by far, surely, would be that of teenage girls having a series of children they were unready and unable to care for."

'Who'd want Boris as a boss and Ken as a bedfellow?'

Emma Beal, Ken Livingstone's partner, has lost her job at City Hall. Charlotte Ross in the 'Standard' looks on the bright side. "Oh, to be a fly on the wall in the Livingstone household. Ms Beal was culled along with four more of 'Ken's wimmin' in what looks like an anti-feminist purge. I'm all for women's rights but you can't blame Boris [Johnson] for having a trust issue with Ken's girlfriend. In any case, that's one redundancy cheque which must be a relief. Who'd want Boris as a boss and Ken as a bedfellow?"