Ernest Kimme: Finding help for victims of domestic violence

Domestic abuse happens to more people than you think. I have a friend who was on the phone with his daughter when she was murdered by her husband. The daughter and husband had a long history of problems and had just moved to a new town for a fresh start.

Unfortunately, her story is much too common.

Of all murders, about 20 percent are carried out by family members. And while men are the usual perpetrators, women can abuse men -- and children abuse their parents.

Six months ago, Solano County District Attorney Don du Bain opened the Family Justice Center specifically for victims of domestic violence. In six months, it has helped 180 people, or about one person a day. Those are just the people with the courage to say "no more."

Unfortunately, not enough people say "no more."

Why not? Counselors hear lots of reasons. Most common is a desire to protect the children. Often, the husband (the usual batterer) is the sole bread winner. Leaving and taking the children means not knowing where the children will sleep or how to get food for them.

Many victims are ashamed. They are afraid of what their friends and neighbors will say. They worry that their friends will think the less of them for allowing this to happen. Many women, either consciously or unconsciously, feel that the success of the relationship is the woman's responsibility. Therefore, domestic violence is their fault and their failure.

All of which shows the importance of events such as The Day of Remembrance, which takes place Friday. For three hours -- from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. -- anybody touched by domestic violence (or just anybody) can get information, listen to speakers and share with others.

This event will be a success if just one person is motivated to get help. But that's not the point. It's about expanding people's awareness of the problem.

If a friend or family member is in trouble, this event will provide the resources for help. If you know somebody wrestling with domestic violence, please tell them about The Day of Remembrance.

Domestic violence has been hidden for too long. To break the cycle, we have to shine a light on it.

The Day of Remembrance will be held at the intersection of West Texas and Webster streets, in downtown Fairfield. For information, call Chrissy at 698-6865.

The Vacaville Police Department has an excellent Domestic Violence Unit. If you, or anybody you know, is having trouble with domestic violence, do not hesitate to call it. It has counselors, access to safe houses, and lots of experience. You can call 911 for immediate assistance or 469-6600 for information.

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The author is a Vacaville resident and member of The Reporter editorial board. E-mail: egk3@mac.com.