Monday, July 8, 2013

I recently noticed my tomatoes were looking a little wilty. Since I pride myself on keeping my tomatoes lush, full, and bouncy, I knew I needed to take action.

"We should get one of those oscillating sprinklers," said my gentleman friend.

"I like how oscillating sounds dirty when you say it," I told him.

So we set out for the irrigation section a our local Lowe's. As we browsed, I encountered some of the loveliest garage porn I've seen in a long time (and in case you're new here, you can check out previous posts to familiarize yourself with the term).

But here's what I spotted in my quest for oscillation:

Sometimes you need a little extra help getting your hose in the right place. If you can protect plants while you do it, even better (though I'm admittedly alarmed about the spike).

If you need to hook up in an expedient fashion, the lady just needs a little metal to get her in the mood. Motley Crue or Iron Maiden?

In case you gents were feeling left out, there's a way to eschew foreplay with you as well. Apparently it involves clicking?

With all those speedy hookups, it's no surprise you might need this.

Protection is always a good idea when things are getting kinky.

I don't even know what to say to this, but is it wrong I got a little excited looking at it?

In the end, I got a simple sprinkler. Um, that's not to say I got a sprinkler in the end, or in any orifice at all.

How about I just wrap up this post now? And please share if you've seen any good garage porn lately.