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Kraven The Hunter was fortunate that his birth name was not Jagginoff.

On a typical day, Kraven The Hunter resides in an existence commonly known as The Marvel Universe, or Earth-616. [WARNING: ORIGIN ALERT!] He was born Sergei Kravinoff, a misguided Russian immigrant, and the son of an aristocrat. Perhaps it was this combination that turned him into a maniacal big game hunter seeking only to hunt The Amazing Spider-Man. Later, he would become the founding member of The Sinister Six, a collective of villains sworn to destroy their common foe, your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Not only was The Alchemist bored, she was restless, thus twitchy and itchy, reticent as hell, buzzed on heroin, and drunk on cooking sherry, perhaps the most under-rated high. It must be noted, she had more liquor on her breath than most taverns stock. Worst of all, she was lonely; as lonely as all the recurrent overwrought characters in a Sting song.

Dr. Cornelius Hamilton took a deep breath and paused, as if waiting for logic to kick him squarely in the behind and bring him back down to earth. He was more than surprised that his hands were trembling. He was actually nervous. He flexed his muscles and liked what he saw. It gave the blue and red unitard credibility to be filled out with such a sheer hard body. All the hours at the gym paid off, but not as much as the steroids. Yet, he was still filled with trepidation.

Even with an obvious mustache, people confused Aguaman with Aquaman. This had to change.

Aguaman, not to be confused with the slightly more popular, Aquaman, was on the brink of a tantrum. He was in a meeting with Makeover Schlatz & Sons 2.0™, a P.R. firm known only for their untimely destruction of Mayor McCheese® and the accidental birth and branding of Chester Cheetah™. He wanted a new identity, one not associated with being called Mexico’s Aquaman. In fact, he wanted Aquaman to be called the American Aguaman.