The Pros and Cons of Men Who Won't Marry

George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend Stacy Keibler recently got married, only eight months after she and the actor/director split—so, clearly, marriage was something she wanted and cared about. Given the fact that many bachelors like Clooney are known for not being interested in settling down permanently, it’s a wonder that any women embark on relationships with them.

What makes some women ignore the warning signs and take a chance on such a bachelor anyway? They must see that blinking red light and yet they drive right through it. And what do you need to know when you encounter a bachelor like Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, or any number of guys in your own circles?

There's no question that anyone can be swept off their feet. Even if there's a part of you that is aware that a man is unlikely to commit long-term, the fact that he is willing to commit for now can be a hard temptation to pass up. This is especially true if the is attractive, successful, or charismatic, or able and willing to rev up your life with exciting dates, vacations, and enticing professional or personal connections. There can be a real gain when you hitch your wagon to such a bachelor, but the benefits usually don’t last and can therefore come with the price of eventual disappointment or heartbreak.

There's also the possibility that you believe you are going to be "The One" who will lead this bachelor into the institution of marriage. This idea that you are special and, consequently, things will turn out differently for you can be a powerful idea. It's a key reason women often find themselves deep in a relationship with a man who has long resisted walking down the aisle, and who may never do so. Such a man may in fact be willing to remain in the committed relationship indefinitely. However, typically the shelf life expires when the push for marriage enters the picture and becomes part of the relationship equation.

How then can you protect yourself? The most important thing is to go in with your eyes wide open. Before you get in too deep really, consider a potential partner's past. How many relationships has he had? Has he ever been married? If so, how long did it last and what are his thoughts about remarriage? Clooney, for example, has been completely upfront about never wanting to get married again. With someone like him, what you see is what you get. Determine before you dive in if getting married and having a family is really your objective. If it is, then weigh his past against your future goal, and ask yourself how likely he is to change and how likely you are to wait.

And take notice of how you two come together as a couple. Are you simply fitting into his already established life – always going out with his friends, going to his events, or meeting only at his apartment? That can be fun and even flattering at first, but pay attention to his ability and desire to compromise. Is he willing to come meet you some nights and go to your events? Does he consistently refuse to come to your place because it is "out of the way"? If he shifts away from you when you try to discuss your own needs met and seek reciprocity, that might be an indication that this is all much more about him than it is about you. Figuring this out early will give you a good sense of where he is coming from. If he is primarily looking out for himself and not considering what’s best for you, stop overextending yourself and instead consider a relationship with a partner who is more willing to share.

The bottom line: You have to be clear about what you want from the get-go. If you are content to enjoy his company and see where it goes, without any guarantees, jump in and have fun. If you are looking for a husband, consider yourself warned and pay attention to the signs. In some ways, it's the difference between renting and owning a home—you'll always have a roof over your head but some might want more security than others. If you are looking for that security, you might be better off allowing yourself to simply be flattered by the bachelor’s interest, but still walking away.

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If Stacey had "married a long time ago" she'd probably be divorced a long time ago, too. I give this marriage of hers less than a year. If she gets preggers right off the bat, maybe 2. The reason -- if you hear her talking about it, she's met THE ONE. And, in only 9 months, she KNOWS this. Stacey is a beautiful and financially well off women. She doesn't HAVE to stay married so she won't. Mark my words. Like the author of this essay and countless other women, they're in love with marriage, not another person. George has said this on numerous occasions. People are in love with the IDEA of marriage and don't actually fall in love with another person. When the idea proves to not be what you fantasized it to be, you either have to stay out of obligation, finances, etc or you walk away, smarter and wiser. (this is why Hollywood marriages end -- the people involved don't have to stay)

I'd give my eye teeth to date either one of these guys. I'd count myself one of the luckiest women alive. You see, I have no desire to get married either. So, George and Leo and I would have a great time and I'd put that in my self esteem pocket and have a smile on my face THE REST OF MY LIFE.

But just because you feel that way doesn't mean other people necessarily feel that way. I'm not saying you're wrong to feel like that, you are well within your rights.
But please don't paint with such a broad brush.

These articles assume that George and Leo are somehow "less than" because they want to stay single. LADIES BEWARE!!!! I would say that's an extremely huge brush, wouldn't you???? I know others love marriage and being married. BELIEVE ME we single people get it -- and we get it over and over and over again. I just like to point out that NOT EVERYONE loves marriage and that is the brush I'd like the marriage crowd to put down. Thanks.

I really just want people to be happy. George is extremely happy. Don't know about Leo. I would think he's capable of doing whatever he wants so if he wants to marry I'm sure he could make that happen. No need for the pity party for him.

It is just that when I heard about Stacey, I felt sorry for her. She seems like a nice lady and I'd love to see her happy but sorry, marriage isn't going to accomplish that. You know this as well as I do.

I don´t know why there are so many articles about relationships in Psych today. I understand it is a difficult area and full of angles to examine, but the emphasis is kind tiring. Afterall, summarizing this article, the idea here is rather intuitive. If you want a marriage (or children with that partner or long-term relationships without marriage and so on) you need to know before getting too envolved if the person intends to have the same thing or not and decide if you want to take the risk. Afterall, any relationship is kind risky, isn´t it? I also agree that a lot of people is in love with the idea of marriage and not really the other person, sometimes people just can´t stand being alone or getting older by themselves and so on.

As to myself, Im like George Clooney in skirts (and a lot of women are like that), so I wouldn´t blink a minute to date him. By the way, just because he doesn´t want to get married it does not mean he is going to be selfish and a jerk like the article seems to imply. So that he is never gonna go to your place, go out in your events, make things to please you and so on. Someone who does not do that is probably simply a selfish jerk that doesn´t like you very much. Either if you want or dont want to get married, it is a good thing to leave him/her.

Thank you! The third paragraph about not giving reciprocal time really got to me. If that is how a guy treats a woman he isn't going to keep her around long. I love being single and my relationships are deep and meaningful for both parties and filled with mutual respect. The author assumes that eternal bachelors are selfish jerks, I believe men who want to remain single tend to be gentlemen and treat women better than many other men. We know how to keep women happy, except the marriage part. We are fun and have our lives together because we haven't been married and don't have the responsibility of family and children. And nearly everyone likes living vicariously through us...

There are women out there who desire a short-term fling with a hot guy. Not every woman who hooks up with swinger expects love and marriage! Women can be shallow and pursue just-plain-fun too! And that's ok!!!

There are men out there who desire a short-term fling with a hot chick.

That statement just comes across as "well, that's normal, who wouldn't?"

So, why do we put women down who want a short term fling? You may not have meant anything by it, and if you didn't, that is what is telling. We're trained from an early age to see men and women as having different roles in the world. Women are supposed to want to settle down and marry and be monogamous and force the man to do the same -- the old ball and chain analogy.

Men on the other hand are wild creatures who have to be tamed. Us women are supposed to "land" one of you. Or "catch" one of you. Then put you in the cage I mentioned above.

Can't we stop this judgement of each other? Not everyone wants to live their life the same way. I know it scares the sh!t out of some people that others don't want what they want out of life. But, let's live and let live.

I don't think it is shallow to pursue "just plain fun." I personally believe we only get one life and to spend it in servitude to an institution is just plain wrong and horrifically sad to me. I want to enjoy my life as best as can because I might book passage on the Titanic tomorrow...who knows? Let's cut each other some slack.

Not everyone wants to be married. Maybe there are some women who date confirmed bachelors because they actually like him and couldn't care less about marriage, especially women who have already been divorced once. I know its a crazy idea but I just thought I would throw it out there. Lol.