Being the reviews and ramblings of an incurable narcissist with too much time on his hands.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The Worst 5 Movies of 2012

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Well it’s actually been a pretty good year for movies. 2012
had some out and out masterpieces and much more than it’s share of good to
great movies. But with every year, there must also be some shit involved, and
this year had it’s share of that. So, since my top 10 list is still taking
shape, here are the 5 worst movies of 2012.

There are going to be a lot of people who object to this
being here, as I know a lot of people liked this movie. Well fuck it, I didn’t.
I thought it was alternately boring, because half the time NOTHING was
happening and irritating because the good character and interesting potential
was being squashed. The best I can say for it is that, unlike some other bad
superhero movies (Green Lantern, Catwoman) it doesn’t constantly assail
you with how terrible it is.

The original may have been ridiculously silly, but it was a
working silly. This lifeless, emotionless and boring remake just doesn’t work.
It’s also kind of disconcerting seeing Colin Farrel here, given that he’s also
in Seven Psychopaths, one of the
better movies of the year. Just goes to show, you might have good people
involved, but it doesn’t matter for shit if you can’t make it work.

I feel kinda bad giving this spot to a small movie that got
a relatively limited release. But hey, I give high spots to those kind of
movies all the time, so why not be willing to give a low spot to it. It’s
energetic and creative, which is more than I can say for a lot of these movies,
but that only highlights how little most of it works. And why wasn’t Tommy
Wiseau in it? He’s in their show all the time.

George, George, George. No wonder you gave away Lucasfilm,
if this is the kind of movie you’re putting out. I feel bad for the Tuskeegee
Airmen, as they deserve a better movie than this, but also for Anthony
Hemingway, who has to live with this embarrassing movie on his resume, and as
his future feature film. Maybe we could try to give the Airmen another movie in a few years?

Aggressively terrible is the word that I think describes it.
You know how I said Spider-Man doesn’t
constantly assault you with how terrible it is? Yeah, this does. A constant,
unceasing barrage of painfully bad filmmaking that left me empty and depressed.
Even weeks later, I can’t summon the anger. Just depression. Congratulations
Sandler, you dragged Andy Samberg down with you too. And you'll probably win next year too.