Behind enemy lines - A Huskerh8er's view of the world

People think of Husker fans as the Classiest in college sports. I know better. I live among them.

January 9, 2009

The End

Well, now that the season is over…it looks like we’re finally here.

First of all, I’d like to apologize up front for making this kinda long. You don’t end a 23 year long crusade and cap it off with a one paragraph long, “Thanks…see you guys later.” No, we have some loose ends we need to tie up before I go, and as you can probably imagine…it might take a while.

Anyhow, let me start off by saying thanks. Thanks for turning a 10 minutes a week hobby into…well, a 30 minute a week hobby. But along the way, without any regrets, I did exactly what I set out to do. This blog wasn’t designed to show you how much better my team was than yours. (Although they are) It wasn’t written to mock your thug athletes, who turned criminal trial watching into a state’s 2nd favorite spectator sport. Nor was this blog really started to break down the daily happenings within one of college football’s most famous programs.

My goal was simply to expose you to the rest of the world.

When I started back in early 2005, Nebraska football was still known…I guess… as somewhat as a national power. Sure they were going through some growing pains with Bill Callahan…but just 3 seasons prior, the team played for a National title for God’s sake. (One that you never deserved to even play for..as we’ve discussed here many times.) Oh sure, you were openly mocked for being destroyed in the 2002 Rose Bowl game. And yes, the public ridiculed you endlessly from afar during your disastrous hiring of Bill Callahan just the year before. But even then…nobody REALLY knew you.

Today…some four years and over 620 posts later, the world finally seems to have seen the light. Fans of every single Big 12 North team have stopped by this corner of the web…oftentimes sending me thanks for saying exactly what they felt...usually after encountering some idiot Husker transplant at work, or that brother-in-law who won't shut the hell up about Grant Wistrom. Yes, fans from across the country were finally privy to your mind-numbing stories, farked photos and media articles that for decades lay far behind a tightly closed iron curtain. Don't believe me? Do you think it’s just a coincidence that 2008's "return" to glory team was somehow left out of the top 25? Think voters are still falling for your “look at us, we used to be great..but now we’re back” crap again?

Yes, my goal was to reveal you and your massive ego to the world, by letting them see just what a complete and absolute freak show you people run out here on the great plains…all by yourself…where nobody from the outside world dares to tread for more than a weekend.

We’ve also talked a lot about the Nebraska media, who have made this blog literally write itself. Special thanks to Kevin Kuglar and Mike’L Severe of KOZN radio in Omaha for not only calling me out on air (multiple times), but for oftentimes have the actual balls to banter with me back and forth via e-mail, somehow justifying their foolhardy and oftentimes moronic opinions. Special thanks to Traitor Tom Shatel, columnist for the Omaha World Herald…who to this day stands as probably the easiest target of all. In all my years of fighting this fight, NOBODY represents the supercilious nature of Husker fan better than he does. Wishy-washy to the core…completely blinded by urge to please you, Tom has made a living of being your ultimate piss boy. Thank you Tom for the all the years of ammunition. It has not gone unappreciated.

Yes, during our time together, we’ve been through many adventures that I will look back fondly on. The Huskers have lost 20 games since I started this blog...more than an entire era that spanned from 1985 to 1998. And man did we have some fun.

Who could forget the rise and fall of J.C. Keller? Looking back at the top 10 Husker losses of all time? The 76 points to Kansas? 52-17? 41-6? The back-to-back colon-pulsing ass poundings by USC? Perhaps you enjoyed the near losses to Maine…The police incidents, the outlandish predictions, the blowout losses, the spitting thug and the return of Tom Osborne? Or perhaps you enjoyed..as I did…when various factions of my own Husker-loving readers who turned against each other in their time of deep despair; so much so they arranged to fight each other at halftime of an actual game? Harrison Beck, Jay Norvell, Dudley Blake, Marlon Lucky and his invisible Heisman, fake tattoos, the Blaine Gabbert saga and all the borderline disturbing events that have shaped you as a fan base over the past few years. I will miss them all. And I will most miss sharing them all with you, if anything to hear your ridiculous spin job that often followed.

But alas, nothing lasts forever and this is a prime example. Although it still exists…evil as it once was has been defeated…my soul has been cleansed, and an entire generation of football fans now have had a first-hand look at what complete and total idiot hayseeds you are. Some say I single-handedly stoked the fires of a new rivalry between bordering states. Perhaps I did have something to do with it? Perhaps I’m the sole reason you hate every single car that drives by your tractor with Missouri license plates? The truth lies in within your own soul…what that is..I really don’t know. What I do know is…NOTHING about you really bothers me that much anymore. Your claims…your stories…your predictions…your flashbacks. It’s all bullshit, because you’ve been proven wrong time and time and time and time again…by me, the one person who knows you best.

Before I do go on though…I do want to thank a few more people who helped make this blog what it is and what it was:

Thanks to Greg, Barney, Brown Thunder and Ryan for creating this monster many years ago. Thanks to Husker Mike, Jon at Corn Nation and some of the other fairly-reasonable Husker bloggers I’ve bumped into over the years. Thanks to Gabe at PowerMizzou, the guys over at Rock M Nation and of course Nick and the freaks over at Tigerboard. Thanks to the Colorado and K-State fans who helped make this blog grow. Thanks to Justin in Reno for all his help with the web design, as well as the anonymous Mizzou student who supplied me with the alternate URL. Thanks to MCPeiper for the game tickets. Thanks to the OPD and Qwest Center security for not catching me when I snuck into the NCAA tourney. Thanks to Maple Street Publishing, CNNSI.com and Tim Griffin at ESPN.com for featuring my work. Thanks to the listeners of Unsportsmanlike Conduct for being obsessed with my every move. Thanks to all my family and friends…almost all who never found out that I have actually written such hateful and vile words over the years.

But most of all…thank you Husker fans. Relentlessly, time and time again you hillbilly inbred hayseed fuckheads have provided me with entertainment beyond my wildest dreams. You’ve tried to bring up my own team’s failures…while justifying your own misfortunes and mistakes. You’ve tried to tell me how much you hate me…while at the same time never turning to run away from me. You’ve tried over and over and over and over to get me to play your little game, but never got me to crack. My only regret is that I didn’t find a penny for every time one of you clowns left me your best Jim Rome impression, promising you’d never return; and then sneak a peek some 500 times in the following 3 hours.

What you never realized is…I allowed you to comment on my work so freely simply because you did what I never could…and that is fully demonstrate what a whack-job bunch of red-sweater wearing psychopaths you dipshits truly are. Sure, I can tell people from other parts of the country that you send pictures of shirtless wide-receivers to your friends…but then you would just log in and try and defend it.

“Yeah, but you’re scared to death…look them…they’re RIPPED!”

You never got it.

You never EVER understood that the more you fought back, the more idiotic you appeared to those whom I truly wrote this blog for. I addressed you Husker fans directly in every column, even though you were never my intended reader. The real goal was to find that sheltered person who stumbled across the blog on Google or whatever…curiously wondering why or HOW anyone could POSSIBLY hate such a classy and distinguished fan base like Nebraska. While never writing a word directly to that person…I wanted them to fully understand, that what you see on television, lost in a visually impressive sea of red…is certainly not what you get. These people are insane. These people are delusional. These people love themselves more than you could ever love another object.

But now it’s over. The mediocrity once despised is now covering you like a warm blanket. You embrace it. You celebrate it. You are oblivious to it. While trying to take a step forward…you let your leaders take you 20 steps back, and that is your own fault due to your own actions in the past. Karma kicked you square in the teeth, and you Gomers are just too far gone to see it. This is why I have yet to follow your instructions and “Just leave if you hate it here so much”.

I was having too much fun…not laughing with you..but at you.

So with that…in the spirit of you being a complete and total shell of your former selves…let me leave you with a final thought:

I found I was pretty good at writing this blog, not because I have any talent or any real insight. No, I think hundreds of thousands of hits found this website because I knew you like nobody else did…and yet thrived under your resistance. I always wrote this blog knowing that even the slightest misstep in facts, and my credibility would be shot…the message I delivered forever ruined in the transmission, no matter how true it was. But deny to yourself if you may…I stood toe to toe with you regarding the Huskers, because I know your team every bit as well as you do. I see the program with my eyes..while you feel it with your heart; and that is dangerous.

For you see…some of you asked long ago, but the answer was never found: I know so much about you, because I am one of you. Not by residence, but by blood. Yes, in my final plot twist to you…I will finally let you in on a little secret I successfully worked very hard to hide:

I attended to the University of Nebraska.

I stand as a symbol for all to see…for what you believe in and how you go about your daily lives…will someday consume you. I am your worst enemy…your harshest critic…and will hate all of you until the day they put me into the ground. I am what happens when one of you finally sees the light. I am one of you in more ways than you ever knew.

For those of you who have been here for a while…friend or foe…thanks for taking this ride with me. For all the smack talk, foul language and snotty remarks, I really did enjoy writing this blog for so long, despite your endless stupidity. But like all crusades, this one must end as victory is in hand. Your mystique is gone. Your aura of ultimate class and respect is long since shattered. Your history…the one thing you have clutched onto for so long..is now all you have as it gently drifts farther and farther away in the rearview mirror.

I documented your ugly death for all the world to see. I am victorious in my intentions. I am triumphant in doing exactly what I set out to do in February of 2005. The fight is over now.

I won.

I've won because nobody gives a damn about truly shitty teams. And with that...my work here is done.

January 5, 2009

The 2008 Big 12 North Season in Review

Well, you knew it was coming sometime. Yes, it’s time for probably the last football-related column (yes, column) here at BEL…and judging by the return of the scarlet-colored cockroaches covering the floor around here, it should be a pretty popular one.

Over the years, many of my fellow bloggers have questioned why I am so liberal in what comments I approve. One of the great things about running a blog by yourself, is that you can completely dictate how it looks and feels via censorship. However, as I’ve long since stated, I WANT to see you people get pissed at me for several reasons. First, it's fun. Second, it shows the rest of the world what complete jackoff hayseeds you clowns are. Nothing makes me laugh more than some idiot in a yellow foam hat, spending 6000 words, telling me how much he hates me and my blog. Apparently, the irony was missed on him.

The third reason I like to approve pretty much any comment you can throw at me is that I realize all of this is opinion. That’s one thing that gets lost more than any other when it comes to sportswriters, both professional and amateur. The first thing you learn in journalism school is a funny little four-letter word that is the basis of pretty much any and all reporting…both legit and editorial. The word is “bias”, and the perspective that delivers it is the most important principle to remember when reading a blog, newspaper article or Jason Whitlock column where he babbles on about how great KU football is.

You simply must put yourself in the writer’s shoes, and figure out WHY he/she’s saying such things, and what their true motives are. What is their background? What is their stake in the argument? That’s what makes me laugh the hardest, is when I make predictions or submit a power poll and you people lose your minds. I mean, the sign at the front of the website says HUSKER HATER. And then you get all pissed off when I predict you’ll win 4 games? What the fuck did you expect me to say? “Damn that Bo Pelini is going to have Nebraska back on top this year.”

I’ve said this since the beginning, writing about the Huskers is 1000 times easier when they are winning, than when they’re a steaming pile of shit and left to die in the North cellar. People get more uptight....expectations are raised....delusions grow like weeds. I mean, I used to bash Nebraska when they were 60-3 and my own team was 11-43 in that same period. What makes you think I’ll have a hard time dealing with a 9-4 season where your biggest win was a 10 point victory over a 5-loss Insight.com champion Kansas team? (At home) Wouldn’t you think that’s easier to deal with than smack talking with friends when their team just won a 3rd National Title in 4 years and your own team hasn’t gone to a bowl in 2 decades?

Next time you wonder why I’m packing up and claiming victory, go and think about that for a while. If you still don't get it; well..there isn't much I can do for you at this point.

Anyhow…let’s get back to the year in review. With the North season now complete following Nebraska’s yawn-inducing pillow-fight victory last week, we can take a look at the season that was. And yes, we’ll see just how I was wrong…and how I was right on several different fronts.

Iowa State Cyclones (2-10)Predicted record: (5-7)High Point: Still trying to find one.Low Point: Having your coach win 2 games and he fires you..not the other way around.Summary: The Clones did absolutely nothing this season, so they may as well just start looking forward. Paul Rhodes takes over one hell of a mess in Ames. Granted, any first year coach is going to struggle, but first year success depends a lot on how much talent is there when they arrive. (AhemPeliniAhem)

Kansas State Wildcats (5-7)Predicted record: (8-4)High Point: Entering Big 12 play at 3-1 before being destroyed by Texas TechLow Point: Rehiring Bill Snyder and raising eyebrows across the nation.Summary: I had no idea KSU would struggle so bad on defense. I also didn’t think Ron Prince would struggle taking over a BCS conference program the way he did. Gotta wonder how that loss to Louisville early effected the confidence of an already fragile program. A 1 point loss to Colorado was a death blow for the season and sent Prince on the road to the unemployment office.

Colorado Buffaloes (5-7)Predicted record: (7-5)High Point: Beating a ranked West Virginia team in overtime on National TVLow Point: Losing to Nebraska on a fluke 57 yard field goal by a gangly Husker nerd/kicker who is not only fighting acne, but appears to have never kissed a girl.Summary: I don’t have the exact number, but I thought I read somewhere that Colorado lost 17 starters at some point to injury. I say this every year, but I still have a hard time thinking that Colorado won’t rise up again soon and start to compete. A win in Lincoln would have been a great feather in Dan Hawkins’ cap, as would a bowl game. If Cody Hawkins would have played the whole year as he did in Lincoln, the Buffs wouldn’t have had such a crappy taste in their mouth to end the year.

Kansas Jayhawks (7-5)Predicted record: (6-6)High Point: Beating Missouri on a 4th down scramble in the snow at ArrowheadLow Point: Losing to Nebraska on the road in a game they had no business losing.Summary: KU was pretty much exactly where I thought they would be. Granted, I didn’t think they’d beat Missouri at Arrowhead (not many did), but gotta give them credit. Reesing played out of his ass and pretty much carried that team all the way to their win over a horribly brutal Minnesota team in the Insight.com bowl. The fat man can do a whole lot with not a ton of talent, and this season was no different. Having the whole team take a picture in front of the scoreboard after the Missouri game was pretty lame though..even for a guy wears a tent as a jacket.

Missouri Tigers (9-3)Predicted record (11-1)High Point: Crushing Nebraska and going on to win the North for a 2nd straight yearLow Point: Being destroyed at Arrowhead by OU in front of 40,000 OU fans.Summary: Back to back 10 win seasons is nothing to sneeze at, and certainly no sane Tiger fan will discount that feat. But you have to wonder how the season would have gone, had the Tigers not laid a giant egg against a very beatable Okie State team in October. Granted, they weren’t going to beat Texas or OU this season, but you gotta think the KU debacle may not have happened if higher stakes were on the line at Arrowhead. Just goes to show you how big a part the mental game plays in football at this level. Right now, it looks like more Mizzou players will make the NFL out of this senior class, than the previous 15-20 years combined.

Nebraska Huskers (8-4)Predicted record (4-8)High Point: Getting crushed by Missouri at home and then suddenly forgetting it ever happened.Low Point: Kidding yourself that Winning 9 games means you’ve turned a corner, even though your very best wins include a 5 loss Kansas team and a 6 loss Clemson team.Summary: Order restored right? Funny thing is …Callahan brings in TONS of talent (per you), and yet somehow Pelini got 9 wins out of a group of “nobodies” (as a friend of mine called them the other day.) Which is it? Pretty safe to say the whole “playing harder” mantra worked out for you...but I think deep down, I feel a sense that even you know that this is only a small…even tiny step forward toward you getting back up atop your throne. You still haven’t beaten a top 20 team in nearly eight seasons. Hell, even the Omaha World Herald, in a story about season highlights listed an OT loss at Texas Tech as one of the season’s high water marks.

Huh?

Don’t you think that's slightly telling if one of your greatest season “highlights” is a loss where your QB pissed the game away? And seriously, how many times are you going to lose to teams that are better than you? Granted, it’s better than losing to those teams…as you did last year. But still, it depends on what your expectations are. Next season, expectations are going to be sky high, despite the fact the vaunted CornCoast offense returns nearly zero playmakers for 2009. Good thing you guys don’t have a history of over estimating incoming talent huh?

Just a few years ago, you people hailed the executive motto that you absolutely will “not gravitate toward mediocrity”. Yet now, you celebrate it. Nine wins is but a number in days of 12 game schedules. This is especially true in a "great" fan base celebrating the non-choking of games away from such superpowers as San Jose State (81st in RPI.com’s final rankings), New Mexico State (140th), Iowa State (144th), Baylor (89th), KSU (85th) and Colorado (74th). Hell, even the Western Michigan and Clemson wins are considered mediocre according to the computers, who rank both teams in the mid 40’s….barely in the top half of the nation.

So maybe an OT loss to Texas Tech is what you should shoot for now? Perhaps this really is where you live these days? When I told you that your program lied in ruins all summer long, many of you mocked me for the simple fact that you know that Nebraska will never be a 2-3 win doormat…Hell, even I know that. (Not while Dr. Tom is in charge of scheduling) But what has changed in all this is how you define success. Even I will concede that 9 wins out of this group is a pretty major accomplishment. But make no mistake, the highway of college football is littered with programs who took a step forward, only to take two steps back. Bo Pelini isn’t blessed with a senior QB to save his ass in 2009. Remember the last time you had to break in an underclassman QB? Neither do I…it’s been a while.

So was this year’s edition of Husker football a success?

I guess it depends on how you look at it. Is listing an OT loss worthy of a season “highlight”? Is an unaccredited “co division championship” worthy of your mighty program? Now that mediocrity has been re-gained, is a division title the only acceptable outcome for Bo Pelini in 2009? Is it fair that this is where the bar has been set, despite the fact that not a single player he recruited has played a down in his system to date? I once told you the worst possible thing Pelini could do is have a good record in year one with very little to show for it in his first year. Right on cue, that’s exactly what happens. Now, he is forced to up that goal, with a complete lack of returning skill position players, and a defense that was improved…but still gave up a whopping 46 points per game in their 4 losses. 46 points...PER GAME.

Whether that is restored order to you is not for me to decide. I just hope you can keep your focus when you find out that red is the only color that bridesmaid dress comes in.

January 1, 2009

Instant Gator Analysis - As Good as it Gets

Savor it Husker fans. You’ve earned it.

The way you came back and clawed your way ahead of a 6 loss, mid-level ACC team with absolutely no hint of an offense was something to behold. Now don’t get me wrong…I was barely awake to witness the showcase of field-goal fueled offensive superpowers, although I was coherent enough to witness the Clemson QB…who for some reason looks a lot like Adam Sandler…get sacked on a 20 yard loss on third and goal from the 10 with the game on the line. Seriously, is that their regular QB? Does he know you can throw the ball away while scrambling?

And you people say my team’s QB sucks...yeesh.

That dude was the worst signal caller I’ve seen since Wake Forest trotted out their 4th string water boy against JC and the boys down in North Carolina last season. (Game reminded me a lot of that game as well) But alas, order is restored, and you can now go back to your rightful place on top of the college football world. Then again, your senior class leaves Lincoln a stellar 3-12 vs. ranked teams in their four years, (the three wins were over #24 Texas A&M in 2006, and in 2005 over #23 ISU and #20 Michigan) and won a whopping 1 division title. (For a school that will brag to anybody with a pulse that they've won FIVE NATIONAL titles)

I hate to say this...and truth be told however, this might be it for a while. You break in a new QB next season and lost nearly every single offensive player who played worth a shit this afternoon. (Minus Castille who had a few nice runs.) Plus, don’t look now…but you have to go to Lawrence and Columbia next season; two places you haven’t exactly lit up the past few times you’ve been there. (And oh yeah...don't forget Texas Tech and Oklahoma aren't exactly going to suck next season either...nor will Va Tech)

But who am I to rain on your grand parade today? Today, on this fantastic day of days..where you proved you WERE indeed BETTER than a 6-loss ACC Team, I only have a couple of points. Oh sure, we still have to see how Pelini is going to win using players he actually recruited, but what reason is there to bring common sense and facts into this discussion? Your first January bowl win in 9 freaking years deserves room to celebrate...even from me. (9 years is a long ass time by the way)

* Good for Joe Ganz. That dude played his ass off for you people, and earned my respect, getting his ass kicked most of the game. Hopefully, on his way out the door, he gives all of you a giant middle finger for treating him like shit prior to 2007. You remember those days right? Like when every single one of you wanted him to transfer because he simply couldn’t match up to the physical God-given talent of J.C. Keller? Hopefully he'll turn that upcoming poster-signing business into something a bit more practical in light of your former taunts.

* I know I say this a lot (because...well, it’s kind of my 2nd job), But do ANY of you people realize what complete tools you look on television during the games? I mean, the foam ears of corn on your head are stupid enough, but that’s been done. No, dressing up as a giant ear of corn, while your fat pasty frat brother dances around shirtless in white striped overalls isn’t exactly projecting a cosmopolitan image to the rest of the country. Don’t get me wrong…nobody was watching that snooze fest except for a few people who live in South Carolina..who have identity problems as well…but wouldn’t you think somebody would try and do something about that? (Then again, your team spokesman is Larry the Cable Guy, so whom am I kidding?)

And it’s not just some of you…almost every single one of you douchebags who showed up in Florida’s northeastern armpit today looked like you’ve never seen the light of day, or God forbid watched a sporting event with other people. Perhaps the camera people went out of their way to show your fans at their worst. Or perhaps it was just coincidence that the most hard-core (ie moron) fans made the trip this year. But rest assured, those of us not wearing a faded red sweatshirt today all noticed your complete and total lack of sophistication and charm.

It’s funny when people at NFL games do it because they’re most likely drunk. You on the other hand have absolutely no excuse other than your extremely shallow gene pool.

* I’m going to throw it out there: New Years Day sucks. FIVE games? That’s all we get now FIVE games? Back in the day, New Year’s was the quintessential holiday of College Football. Now, it doesn’t even have ½ the number of games available on TV as a typical regular season. Just call it yet another way the man is sticking it to the common fan. Screw it..at least the hockey game was badass again as usual.

This week, the Big 12 North recap. Til then...See ya at 72nd and Dodge!

Gator Bowl Champs!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

December 31, 2008

Beginning of the End

I never thought my love for writing would diminish as fast as it has. Gone apparently are the days were just one quick Husker related conversation with a co-worker would send me into a 800 word, profanity laced rant that would pretty much offend even the most liberal of readers. Here are the days where I simply shake my head, and remind you that you haven't done jack shit in what is now going on 8 seasons.

What’s that? Nebraska is back on track to glory by playing in a spectacular Florida-based New Year’s Day bowl game?

Who cares. The combined record of the teams that Nebraska beat is 41-58. The only TWO teams you beat with more than 6 wins were Western Michigan (see them the other night?) and Kansas. If your best win this season is Kansas, that’s nothing to get too overly excited about, especially when that game is at home and was decided by 10 points. Should we go back in time and count how long it's been since you beat a top 20 team? (2001) How bout a top 20 team on the road? (1997) The list goes on and on, as the kings of the mediocre continue to rule over their new kingdom.

Hell, even with the overall landscape of college football the way it stands now, it’s really difficult to get fired up over pretty much anything. The bowls now are diluted and strained so badly that even the players don’t appear to care. The BCS is fine, but when horribly overrated teams like Utah and Cincinnati are playing in the BCS, how is the average fan supposed to get fired up? Is there that much to do in Boise? Apparently there is, considering their "bowl" game drew about 3 dozen fans.

Regardless of our past differences, I apologize for the slow and painful death of this blog. I should have given the husker hating movement one full week to get everything off our chest, and then push the plunger on the thing back in October. Somehow, I thought the spirit would move me enough to find enough hate and rage to throw out more material throughout the remainder of the season; to somehow find one last haymaker to send you into your grave on a high note.

But again, the movement is dead…long since serving its purpose. There is no reason for me to continue….reporting live from behind the massive curtain of arrogance, when now the whole world knows what complete and irrelevant frauds you are.

I’ve got nothing left. Hell, I don’t even have enough creative juice left to bitch about how much New Year’s Eve sucks and has now turned into Ryan Seacrest’s own personal media platform. I was going to comment on some show called, ‘Bromance” I saw on MTV while flipping through channels last night…but as lame and homo-erotic as it was trying to be…I can simply roll my eyes and continue on my day.

The bottom line is…nothing really affects me that much anymore. Like a veteran of most bloody wars, all I want to do is find a peaceful little corner of the world, and live the rest of my sports-watching days in peace and tranquility...knowing that you'll never again rule the world as you once did. Despite the blood and gore of the struggle, evil has been defeated.

Have you ever heard those stories about terminally ill patients who somehow hang on to live a few more days...as if just waiting for some event to happen? (Like a visit from a long lost loved-one or Christmas or what have you) I’m pretty sure that’s what happened to the anti-Husker movement back when my favorite team was finished pulverizing you in your own backyard in October. Back on that clear October night, the entire transformation had become complete. Gone were days of fighting back in the name of my own team and own self worth…all in the name of pride. Here are the days were I pity clap you people, as you slowly disappear into the tunnel of your own stadium…all before the 4th quarter.

Mission Accomplished.

During a slow holiday day off, I went back into the archives and read some of the older BEL columns and comments from a more combative time. With each word, you could feel the hate, as the disdain and poison nearly dripped down the sides of my monitor. I poured all of my hatred into some of those early writings…with a spirit and dislike reserved only for few on this earth. Your replies were comical, pathetic and in many cases sad. However, the spirit of the fight was there on both sides. I very much enjoyed reading those old entries…especially the chronicles of your ultimate downfall last October. If you ever want some real entertaining reading…go read the comments section from any article written last September. Good good stuff.

After your pillow fight tomorrow with a 5-loss, mid-level ACC team (where 1982 will somehow be avenged or whatever), we’ll break down our final Husker football game. We’ll take a look at how you’ve parlayed a mediocre season (at best) and used your reputation and history into a year that would have been considered a complete failure during most days of the past 4 decades or so.

Then, the curtain will fall and we’ll say goodbye. The crusted blood will remain stuck to the sides of your mouth, as you slowly examine your jaw that has somehow found it’s way to the other side of your face. You’ll faintly see me standing over you, mocking your very existence. One last kick to your ribs, and that will be that.

Happy Holidays to you freaks. I hope this finds you safe, warm and with family on this greatest of days.

December 23, 2008

No Words Necessary

The 2009 Season Preview

“But AJ…if you really are closing the blog down…how are we going to get our Husker hating data for next season.” Seems this is the burning question on everybody’s mind these days (heh), and yes…you are going to have to find somewhere else to get your anti-Nebraska propaganda from next season. No, I'm not going Bret Favre. No, I'm not going to "suddenly realize my own team sucks" and pick this whole thing back up again. It's not going to happen. I've proven my point. I'm done dealing with you. I already won.

But fear not my friends. Before I strike the match, and burn this place to the ground, I do have some thoughts on how I see next season shake out. No don’t get me wrong…I’m WELL aware that things change, just as I'm well aware that by July, you'll already be making your reservations for Dallas in the first week of December. I’m also aware that although the BLOG is retiring, I most likely will be back…somewhere…in some capacity to inform you of these matters.

But in the interest of time and our impending together, I thought I’d give you a chance to see where you’re going…before you even know where you’ve been. SO with that, let’s take a look to see how the north is going to shake out:

1) KansasKey Strengths in 2009: Reesing, Briscoe and Sharp; The Fat man can coachKey Weaknesses in 2009: They’re KUSchedule Breakdown: @Tech, @Texas, vs OU, @UTEP and @S.MissEarly Bird Predicted Record: 8-4Comments: Do you know how hard it is to pick KU to win the North? I mean, they’ve been a sham for quite some time, and haven’t had the depth to keep up with the rigors of the Big 12 this past year. Unfortunately, they return way more skilled players on offense, which still in this league…is the key to success. Reesing is going to need some help with his offensive line, and I don’t think Sharp can be an everyday back…but still. Anybody not giving KU the early nod is fooling themselves.

2) MissouriKey Strengths in 2009: Experienced skill playersKey Weaknesses in 2009: Inexperienced DB’s New QB as well as new O-coordinatorSchedule Breakdown: vs. Illinois, @Nevada, @OSU, vs. Texas, vs. Kansas in KCEarly Bird Predicted Record: 8-4Comments: The defense can’t get worse right? If you’re losing a bunch of bad players, isn’t that addition by subtraction? This is exactly what NU fans told the world last season, and it may apply to Mizzou here. Missouri is a wildcard to me, mostly depending on the development of the defense…as well as the improvement of Blaine Gabbert. If Gabbert lives up to the hype, relies on the best returning running back in the north and doesn’t make mistakes, Mizzou shouldn’t take a huge hit on offense. On defense, the key is getting better at pretty much any area.3) ColoradoKey Strengths in 2009: Best young RB tandem in the conferenceKey Weaknesses in 2009: No offensive identity, touch scheduleSchedule Breakdown: @West Virginia, @Texas, vs. Kansas, vs. Mizzou, @OSUEarly Bird Predicted Record: 7-5Comments: OK, I always pick Colorado to be good, but this year I mean it. NO team in the conference was damaged by injuries like Colorado was. Scott and Stewart are electric and Cody Hawkins showed signs of life in a fluke loss at Lincoln last season. The Buffs get Nebraska at home, and Mizzou/KU at home as well. If Dan Hawkins is ever to make significant progress..this is the year.

4) Kansas StateKey Strengths in 2009: Bill Snyder and his merry band of Juco defensive playersKey Weaknesses in 2009: New QB if freeman leaves, bevy of other issuesSchedule Breakdown: @UCLA, @Tech, @OU, vs. KU, vs. Mizzou,Early Bird Predicted Record: 6-6Comments: The old man is back, and he’s bringing his juco mentality (and scheduling) with him. Look for that trip to UCLA to get banged faster than Lindsey Lohan at a post-production party, only to be replaced by more cupcakes. KSU gets KU and Missouri at home, but must possibly rely on replacing Josh Freeman if he bolts. If he does, the odds of a sub .500 season grow quite a bit.

5) NebraskaKey Strengths in 2009: Abundance of confidence, key returning players on defenseKey Weaknesses in 2009: Abundance of confidence, new QB, new WR’sSchedule Breakdown: @VT, @Mizzou, vs. Tech, @Baylor, vs. Oklahoma, @KUEarly Bird Predicted Record: 5-7Comments: Seriously, why do you think you’ll win more than 5 games? You realize you have no QB right? You realize even if you did, you’d have nobody to throw to right? You realize you have Tech and OU this year, along with road trips to Mizzou, Kansas, Baylor and Colorado right? (And not to mention Va Tech). There are way too many holes here for me to POSSIBLY take you seriously. Well, that and I’ve heard this whole, “We’re back” bullshit mantra way too many times. If some hotshot QB transfer from the Pac-10 shows up…then maybe I’ll change my mind. Oh wait…maybe not.

6) Iowa StateKey Strengths in 2009: None that I can see. Cool uniforms?Key Weaknesses in 2009: You name itSchedule Breakdown: @Kent, @KU, vs. Baylor, @A&M, vs. OSU, @MizzouEarly Bird Predicted Record: 2-10Comments: So a disaster of a season gets worse when your shitty coach dumps your shitty team to go work for some guys in the SEC who obviously have no clue what they’re doing. I honestly can’t find anything ISU can look forward to. None. I’ve tried for 20 minutes now, and it’s just not happening.

Quick South prediction:

1) Oklahoma2) Texas3) Baylor4) Okie State5) Tech6) A&M

Big 12 Champion: Oklahoma (way to go out on a limb there)Player of the year: Colt McCoyEasiest thing to predict of the year: Nebraska’s offensive production drops by 100ypg.

December 19, 2008

Sunset Over the Husker Hating Movement

If I have ever made one large mistake in upkeeping this fine museum of online sports-related prose, it has been to give you a direct timeline as to when I’m shutting the blog down. Fact remains, I wish it had been a couple of weeks ago, because other than ice storms and bi-annual volleyball madness, there really isn’t a whole hell of a lot going on in this part of the world these days.

Because of this, I apologize for the general lack of focus, continuity and yes…general lack of effort on my part over the last few weeks. Although I’ve stated many times that I really don’t care that much about this blog or the reaction it gets…I do take a small bit of pride in at least making it look presentable, among other things. Oh sure, my #1 goal is to piss you off and fighting yourself to the death to keep from firing back some snotty non-though out reply to my comment section…but alas, this entire endeavor has run it’s course. An in the end…I’m happy with how it’s turned out and wouldn't do anything different.

Regardless of whatever my mark on the Husker hating movement has been…I’ve long since resigned myself to the fact that you can’t teach an old hick new tricks. I’m well aware that 17,000+ of you toothless hayseeds packed an arena last night..braving 2 inches of ice to watch a sport that ranks somewhere between wrestling and soccer in terms of cash flow and excitement. Although many of you may look at my disdain as nothing but typical jealousy of a hater…it has long been my mantra to understand that you can not change who you are. I know you’ll pack an arena to watch a bunch of freakishly tall girls jump around in short shorts. I know you’ll define yourselves as the greatest fans in college sports (it says so on your stadium), all the while completely ignoring your men’s basketball team…whom let’s face it..hasn’t given you a reason to cheer since Keith Moody and Beau Reed were hitting three pointers in the early 90’s.

Although none of these things have really changed…my outlook upon them has. Oh sure, I roll my eyes whenever I hear local sportscasters call Husker player by their first names. And sure, I will always feel a slight gurgle in my bowels anytime I hear a co-worker brag to another regarding the Husker’s amazing 280+ game home sellout streak. But in the end, this entire struggle was more based on me rather than you. I knew you wouldn't change...or couldn't change. I didn't expect you to.

But, since your football team has splattered upon the pavement of the reality sidewalk, I no longer find myself as annoyed as I once was. Despite your unwavering arrogance, the fire that once burned wildly inside me has now slowed to a small spark…barely capable of laughing to myself anytime I hear the latest Husker recruit and his unquestionable future as a Heisman candidate and fresh start that till turn the Husker football program around. These things still exist...they're just much easier to stomach when you've long since been proven time and time again as a fraud.

I am but a normal sports fan now, who lives a normal sports fan life. The reasoning behind madness has been justified. Fighting back and letting the sports world know just what sort of depraved lunatics inhabit this state has made a point that has stuck and stuck for a long time. Despite what you may think of me or my methods…my mission was just and my success has now been documented. Perhaps a need will arise again to expose the evil that lurks within the souls of Husker fans…but until that time comes…consider this mission accomplished.

Order ignored.

About Me

Location: Omaha, Nebraska, United States

Everybody has things that annoy them. Mine just so happens to be an entire state. What makes me different is that I live among you. I probably walked by you last weekend at the mall. I probably pulled up next to you at a stop light. Can't handle the truth? Guess you should keep reading.