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My Patrician Expressions political and literary website

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Hey Scruffy – I’ve Got Bad News!

Hey Scruffy – I’ve
Got Bad News!

To all you men now growing
scruff on your faces – I’ve got bad news.

Are you thinking you now look
mature, mysterious, sophisticated, even alluringly primitive?

NO!You just look
scruffy, mangy, unkept, down-at-the-heel, unemployed!Guys,
look in that mirror you don’t use any more -- it ain’t pretty. First tattoos,
and now this?

Do you sorta look like George
Clooney?

NO!You look like Brett Favre – out of grace and out of a job! Maybe even like an unshaven reprobate like doctor
House! (… advanced
apologies to the really unemployed…)

Will you grow into a silvery Sean
Connery?NO!You’d need his British accent,
his blue eyes, silver tongue, and savoir faire.

Instead, you look like the destitute
hanging around the 7-11 with scruff and spikey bed hair.

Do girls want to kiss you? NO!Scratchy, scruffy, speckely, peppery.But what is women’s real anxiety? If you no longer bother to shave, well, maybe
you -- uh -- don’t bother to bath?

Women have not yet come to
grips with tattoos. But take heart, girls, at least when their rationality
returns, they can at least shave off their stubble to take back their real identity.

Why is this happening?Is it an Armageddon preoccupation? May 21st,
2011 has passed and you’re still here -- and unshaven -- but 12/21/2012
still looms out there.Will you not
shave until 12/22/2012?Women will just
have to stay around and wait…