Sunday, February 24, 2013

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK:THE GOVERNMENT

While I would give a slight edge to the Republicans this week just cause, the democrats were not much better, thus the unified F you to both sides. There were so many douchebags this week, I wanted to stick my head in a blender and hit frappe. Let's see those runner ups.

1)Joe Rickey Hundley- This guy had a REALLY bad week. A drunken Hundley sat next to a crying baby on his flight and apparently snapped. He said, and I quote, "Shut that nigger baby up." Now that would have been bad enough but wait, there's more. Then, he slapped the baby across the face. So, to recap, Drunkin' Joe called the infant the worst slur possible and then hit him. Wow. He was arrested after the flight landed and I am sure was very popular at the station when he got booked. Then he got fired from his job at an aerospace company meaning he has no chance of working in that field ever again, as a felony baby slapping charge will haunt you forever. This is what his lawyer had to say:

"This has escalated into a racist issue and I want to be clear he is not a racist."
Like that was the worst thing he did that day. This guy's life is over.

2)British Men- A poll on a British website MenKind, released their findings for the least attractive women on the planet. After looking at the results, I came to the conclusion that British men are either blind, gay or both considering some of the stunning females on it. Here's the list in it's entirety:

1.Kristen Stewart

2. Sarah Jessica Parker

3. Lindsay Lohan

4. Denise Richards

5. Kirsten Dunst

6. Mischa Barton

7. Hilary Swank

8. Lucy Liu

9. Tilda Swinton

10. Uma Thurman

Now to be fair, some of those on this list deserve to be there. Tilda Swinton looks like a man. Hillary Swank and Sarah Jessica Parker look like they were raised by horses. Lindsay Lohan appears to be turning into a lizard before our very eyes. But the rest, really?. You think Lucy Lui, Uma Thurman and Kirsten Dunst are ugly? Have you seen what British women look like guys? There's a whole lot of ugly there. Kristen Stewart won the grand prize which is odd because while she may have the acting skills of a gravy ladle, she is still exceptionally hot. And shouldn't people like Oprah, Melissa McCarthy or Callista Flockhart be on this list here instead of Denise Richards or Mischa Barton?
3)Scott Walker- I really, really hate Scott Walker. He has one of those faces I really want to punch. And considering what he is doing to the state of Wisconsin, that urge is growing. He's up for re-election next year and I hope he'll be gone as he has to face the wrath of the unions he's wrecking, the 181,000 Medicare patients he has refused to help and the lack of jobs he swore his policies would create, which of course, they haven't. This Koch Brothers crony even helped pass a law that prevents health care lawsuits from gaining access to information vital to their cases. The reason for this is less money on lawsuits that the hospitals would have to fight otherwise for providing dangerous care to the sickest and oldest in the community. The shield law will allow more nursing homes and health care providers to skirt the law with impunity. Anyone voting for Scott Walker should be be immediately sent to one of these lovely death camps for one month. If they still like Walker at this point, more power to them.

4)The EU- Europe is collapsing due to austerity measures that were never going to work in this first place. There are only two explanations for this, neither reassuring. The most likely scenario is that mankind is too stupid to continue much longer as if you can't see the forest for the trees at this point, there is no hope for any of us. Or, this is all being planned to install a one world government with complete control over its citizens. That one is possible but unlikely. A recession is now throughout Europe, with Greece, Spain and Italy in a depression. Spain is falling apart as mass demonstrations have started to fight against the austerity measures that have done nothing to fix anything except to create more misery and hardship. Spain has a double edged sword as the King's daughter is getting ensnared in a multi-million dollar fraud probe. This is causing many to call for the King to step to down after 37 years of rule as the corruption probe is widening. The world is officially in a recession. The US is in a Depression that hasn't ended yet. That recovery they keep telling us is right around the corner is a lie. With money being printed ala cart, inflation is inevitable. The current currency war no one is talking about is real. Stocks are primed for a fall. And yet nothing is being done. Fabulous.
5)Spring films- No matter how good or bad a series of films are for any given year, the one thing you can count on is that the films that arrive between February and the end of April will suck and suck bad. How is it you have to stuff every good picture into the weekends of the summer and the end of the year so I have to pick and choose which to see but then give me drek that never should have been filmed in the first place all spring? Except for perhaps the Great and Powerful Oz, there's nothing I will be paying to see until the end of March when GI Joe comes out. I liked the first one. But other than that, there's nothing until the summer starts when you cram three movies in a weekend for the same audience. I may not have a business degree guys but I know the term "splitting the audience" better than you apparently. Just because you put something out this summer doesn't mean you should have. Fill a week in March and watch your profits soar.
6)FBI- A new report came out this week showing that these Fucking Bunch of Idiots are even more deranged than I thought. Apparently there have been a rash of sexting going on between agents and drug dealers, pet shootings, harassment charges and other behavior I don't want some asshole with a gun doing. Just when you think things can't get any more embarrassing for these losers, voila, I am proved wrong again.
7)Mayor Bloomberg- Another politician I loathe. Today Mayor Douchebag banned the sale of two liter sodas with pizza delivery. No more pitchers of coke for your kids birthday. No more large alcoholic drinks at bars. Fuck him and his billions. We may be a fat country but this is not the way to solve it. Somebody better beat him next election.
8)The Government- Because the Republicans act like infants and the democrats don't have the balls to discipline them, we have entered into a twilight zone were only the worst ideas are getting through. If Obamacare had a public option, it could work. Without it, it's ultimately unworkable. A new bill has been introduced for Medicare for All but I will eat my front lawn if it sees the light of day. The sequestration is all the talk as it stands to take effect next week and could be devastating to the economy. Millions may lose their job. Airports could be closed along with wicked long lines everywhere else. Parks could be shuttered. Our food may not get inspected. What could go wrong? With no one willing to negotiate at all, mostly the GOP mind you, we are headed for a disaster at the worst possible moment. We are approaching an economic tipping point and next week may be the straw that breaks the camels back. I hope reasonable minds prevail but I have little hope in that. So congratulations Government you are indeed douchebag of the week.