The Man Code

This was a mail which was forwarded to me by my best friend Priya. I always thought that there was nothing much to write about men. But this mail says it all. Here it is, the man code-Decoded :-)

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.(c) After wrecking your boss’ car.(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

7: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

9: If you trap woman’s head under the covers for the purpose of your flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

13: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

15: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding you in bed pending your response.

20: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:(a) Yeah, Push it!(b) C’mon, give me one more!(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

21: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

22: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to be in bed with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

25.Men should not lie over each other voluntarily unless its rugby or wrestling.

26. All men must acknowledge the fact that being : dirty, filthy, lazy, always hungry, loud and proud, sleepy, late for everything, beer-bellyed, speedsters, no time frames, egoistic and horny is a birth right and the best things to happen in life.

About The Blog

Every written word in this space is my thoughts alone. Do not try to relate it to your life and create a scene in my circles. Believe me, if I wanted to write about someone who has wronged me, I'd write a story and kill that person off in the first line. As grotesquely as possible.
Stop making assumptions. But hey, if the shoe fits, lace up the bitch and wear it!