STATCOUNTER

After every visit to my dentist, the hygienist hands me a small plastic bag. Inside are usually a toothbrush, a tiny tube of toothpaste, and a small dental floss. Occasionally, even a trial size mouthwash.

And have you ever finished a meal at a Chinese restaurant without being handed a plate of fortune cookies, or a sliced orange? Plus more and more banks offer dog biscuits at their branches. Though I don’t know why the freebies started, they are certainly an expected tradition by now.

Point is, why don’t other businesses/professions do it and is there something we should learn from this?

After all, do barbers hand out combs? Do all the many fancy new salad places toss in an apple? Do exercise studios throw in the towels?

I am sure that if you hand out anything, most often it is a pen with your company’s name and logo on it. And I am also sure that every promotion/specialty business out there can prove their value. But to me, who has drawers full of dried out and dusty pens, I truly don’t understand what they are supposed to accomplish in terms of brand awareness, let alone brand building.

There must be, however, something unusual that you can hand out to potential and current clients that will not be immediately placed in the litter pile. It needn’t be expensive, but it should not be expected. And to the extent it ties in with your business, instead of being a generic item, the better it is. (Like a stress ball for an exercise company?)

I have found that people seem to enjoy receiving a copy of my marketing book, All You Need Is A Good Idea!, especially when I sign it for them. (Though it soon may reside in the drawer next to the numerous coffee mugs and mini calendars.)

And there is a Mexican restaurant in my neighborhood that hands out a straw hat on a customer’s birthday, after serenading them. (I have often, without success, suggested the owner put the restaurant’s name on the hat.)

So no, I don’t know why fortune cookies are always offered. And I don’t hear anyone saying, “Let’s not go to the House of Tang, because they don’t give you fortune cookies.” But if you believe in the marketing value of promotional items—which I have heard the marketing people at a large brewery refer to as, “Trinkets and Trash”—at least try to make them as distinct and relevant to your business as you can.

David Carr was a writer for The New York Times. He was an acclaimed cultural reporter and also was on the faculty at Boston University’s communications school, where he taught a class called Voice Lessons. Which is where he made this point: “Quit sounding like everyone else and begin sounding like yourself.”

Now, this advice is not unknown to each of us. But the more times you hear it, from the widest range of authorities, the more likely it is to actually sink in. As a teaching assistant of his put it, “He didn’t want us to sound like everyone else…and clichés were poison. He told me constantly. “Create something with your own dirty little hands.”

I love that thought of “dirty little hands.” No clean, antiseptic, harmless phrases for him. Nor should they be for you, for that matter. When you reread your copy (you do, don’t you?), don’t settle for checking your grammar, or counting word repetitions. How about checking the actual content, to see if there is a way to crisp it up, take the fat and familiar out, and create something new with your own dirty little hands.

One final thought of his that might also prove to be helpful: “Ending stories with a quote from someone else is often the coward’s way out.”

Never thought I would start my first blog of 2019 with this controversial post title. When I first read the line in an old review by Terry Teachout in the Wall Street Journal, I immediately felt my hackles rise. (No, I am not even sure what a “hackle” is, and why they never seem to fall, only rise.)

A firm believer in the strength and power of originality, I couldn’t understand how it could ever be overrated. Mr. Teachout then continued, “Even the most hackneyed-sounding plot can be made fresh by a writer who understands that life is always the same—and always new.”

Different context, (play-writing) of course, than our interest in marketing, but as I thought about it, it started to make sense. It is the ability of the writer (copy or screenplay or theater, or…) to take something that the audience is well aware of, familiar and comfortable with, and then use his talents to twist it, rearrange our expectations and make it all appear fresh and new.

And since so few things are truly original—and so few of us are the geniuses able to create them—the ability to make the usual appear surprising is perhaps an even more useful talent.

So, no, I don’t think originality is overrated. I just think it’s damn difficult to achieve.

Typos. We all make them. We all notice them (except, somehow, in the blogs we ourselves post.)

And we get a perverse delight in spotting them in other people’s writing. Part of the reason, of course, is that it makes us feel keener, better educated, smarter. As in “I would have never split that infinitive or garbled that gerund.”

Except, of course, that maybe it should be “I would never have split…” And since so few of us, including me, know exactly what a gerund is, it is hard to define what a messed up one looks like.

I think, as in most abilities, we tend to believe that whatever level of expertise we possess is the normal standard. If we know and use the correct form of “They’re, their and there,” then (than?) we think that those who often make that particular mistake have somehow inferior intellects, even if the content of their writing is way beyond our capabilities.

But there is no doubt that A) I make more careless writing mistakes than I would like to admit, and B) typos can kill you. In a resume, letter, email, blog, Tweet, ad or brochure, a stupid typo can cast doubt on your credentials way beyond what you would imagine the impact a misplaced letter or two would have.

We all realize by now that spell check, like food past its expiration date, may be good, but usually not good enough. So, like Santa, you really have to, check your work twice. Though as sure as God made little green apples—clichés can be just as damaging as typos—you will continue to slip up. And yes, I prefer a good idea, no matter how mangled its presentation, to a boring thought that is immaculate in its appearance. But, just be careful out there.

An article in the Wall Street Journal stated—using language I hope you will forgive me for repeating — “gift-giving represents an inefficient reallocation of resources.” Someday I may be able to put together a sentence like that, but I will never agree with the sentiment. Or rather, lack of sentiment.

As also evidenced in this quote from an economist who once bought his wife shares of the Dow Diamonds ETF for Valentine’s Day. He said it was an efficient gift: “highly liquid; low expense ratio and his wife liked the Diamonds.”

Sounds like the economists quoted are those whom Oscar Wilde was thinking of when he said, “a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

I mean, how can you call a gift “inefficient”? Yes, it may not be exactly what the recipient wants, or needs. But does that mean the sentiment is any less valuable or thoughtful? 95% of the time, the wrong present still has to be more heartfelt than what another person in the article suggested: “Give cash or gift cards.”

Even if it turns out to be a cliché, the first time you hear a phrase it sounds, by definition, original to you. So when a business colleague said he often suffered from “Analysis Paralysis,” I thought it was a great combination of words; ones I had never heard before.

Now, if you have been following this blog, you are probably anticipating me going off on a lecture about the danger of clichés and the value of ideas. But actually, to my surprise and yours, I want to make a different point. Analysis paralysis is a variation of “Perfect is the enemy of good.” They will both stop you in your tracks, while you wait for either the perfect idea, or analyze forever all the possible ramifications of your brainstorm.

While you slice and dice your data, and ponder and mull over your concepts, the world goes about its business. Sadly, without pausing for you to catch up. The truth is that you will never have all the information you need to make a perfect creative decision, and even if miraculously somehow you did, by the time you created the ad, brochure or campaign, the parameters will have changed.

A brief pause to re-examine where you are should not lead you to a full stop. It is the grammar equivalent of the difference between a comma and a period.

I am not suggesting you act in haste. But I am suggesting you actually act.

If you like words, then you probably love books. And if you love books, you love libraries. So though this may not be the best ad of the year, it is indeed my favorite.

What a great spin on all the holiday ads promising unbelievable savings, usually with enough exceptions to make your actual discount shrink tighter than the wrapping around the item.

The ad does one more important thing. It reminds readers of what is so wonderful about a library in the first place. FREE BOOKS! (Also, as they point out, you also get free returns.)

And in the spirit of the season, as a public service, this is a reminder to check out OverDrive. Basically it is an app that works with your local library to allow you to check out e-books and then read them on your phone or tablet. You can also download videos and listen to audiobooks.

This is not my usual cynical Thanksgiving rant about how if turkey is such a big deal, why do we usually eat it just once a year.

This is actually more of a congratulatory piece in honor of the TGA (Turkey Growers of America, an association that I have just invented.) The TGA has made turkey the dinner tradition of the Thanksgiving holiday for a vast majority of those who celebrate it. Other foods that are associated with specific occasions (Easter: ham; Passover: apples and honey; Valentine’s day: chocolates) are usually also served throughout the year. Rarely so with turkey.

Which leads us to the reason for my mentioning Fiddler in the title. One of the big numbers, and indeed probably the theme of the show, is “Tradition.” And there is no greater tradition in November than a turkey for Thanksgiving.

So, two points. One: congrats again to the TGA. And second: is there anything you provide that you can make as indispensable as the Thanksgiving turkey? Something that will make people say, “oh, we always insist on/buy/use/eat/enjoy that thing whenever we need a new one.”

My third point is this. The TGA should be ashamed of themselves.

They are settling for one day out of 365 (not including next day’s leftovers) for people to focus on their product. Surely without diluting their ownership as the star of the Thanksgiving meal they can extend turkey usage to other times of the year. They might suggest that every Tuesday should be a turkey day. Or propose turkey as the fitting choice for all family celebrations. Create a fun buzz on Twitter between dark meat and white meat backers.

Since the TGA is probably not going to hire me to execute any of these ideas, this is as far as I plan to take it. But hopefully this will provoke you into thinking of new ways to extend your brand usage.

Yep, Thanksgiving is soon upon us. And even though I haven’t been invited, I’m certain I can recite your menu. Turkey is the centerpiece, plus string bean casserole, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and an overabundance of desserts, featuring apple, pumpkin and pecan pies.

In fact, the only item you actually question are the sweet potatoes, the big decision being whether or not to bake marshmallows on top. (I vote no.)

But my question is about the turkey. If we really like it that much, how come we rarely serve it at other times of the year? And why do we call something that is not successful, a “turkey”? And as important, why, besides a deeply ingrained holiday habit, do we feature it at all?

There is a food cliché that says it was a brave man who first ate an oyster. Let me add that it is a brave host who doesn’t serve a turkey for Thanksgiving. It is expected, predictable and a time-honored tradition.

Which is my segue to your marketing. (Hey, this is not a cooking blog.) Are you going to hand out “turkey”? You know, safe, expected, predictable creativity. It must be the right thing to do; after all, everyone else is doing it. And trying something novel might ruin someone’s appetite for your brand. Of course, there is always the chance that offering up the same old, same old might leave a bad taste in your customers’ mouths.

But the last thing you want is for your marketing to be as predicable as turkey on Thanksgiving. At the very least, you have to try some variations: smoked, blackened, creamed, or fried. Take a chance. It’s not just the right thing to do. It can actually be productive…and fun.

Boston Market must really have a low opinion of the IQ’s of their customers.

Yes, their claim is 100 per cent accurate: you can purchase complete Thanksgiving meals for twelve people for under ten dollars per person. How much less you ask? Well, instead of charging you $120.00, they will offer a discounted price of just $119.99! Yep, they have discounted a whole penny, for you to spend wildly on anything you might want.

So, I would like to give thanks that Boston Market has made this such an easy choice for a blog. And a great lesson on how not to try to make something out of nothing.