Out of the Wild, into the Fire.

Lordy, lordy…you’d think that after being married for roughly a hundred years that I would know better than this. You see, to my way of thinking, hubby and I are not just roommates or “co-parents” we are each other’s biggest supporters. We do, or should, help each other achieve the happiest, most personally satisfying life we can imagine. And though I didn’t include it in my marriage vows, “I got your back” was definitely implied.

Sometimes that takes on the appearance of helping each other accomplish a goal or encouraging the other to take a risk and try something new. SOMETIMES it looks like a smack to the side of the head to dislodge an unnecessarily dangerous or foolhardy notion that has managed to take hold…like the time someone read an article suggesting that because the State Department had become such a dangerous place to work, overseas appointments were close to 20% unfilled. Rather than thinking, “Wow, that IS a dangerous line of work.” this person thought it would be a grand time to get a job in AFGHANISTAN and leave some of us to raise the five children by ourselves for somewhere between two and four years. Because that course of action ran an approximately 85% chance of divorce or homicide, there was a strongly worded dissent issued. When that failed, we may or may not have ratted someone out to his mother.

So you’d think that I would know enough to be on guard against those seductively exotic ideas that certain men are susceptible to. Ideas that were bred in the early days of their childhood play, then encouraged by mandatory high school readings of Kipling or Hemingway and finally, cemented with a viewing of Lawrence of Arabia. I think here I’m going to create the perfect word, feel free to use it if you’d like– these ideas are “bromantic.” They conjure a masculine world of yesteryear, full of intrigue and exotic locales and living by your wits and danger! They lurk many, many places and can take hold without warning so perhaps I am to be forgiven for not catching this latest one earlier than I did.

My biggest mistake was not tracking our Netflix queue. I just blithely allowed hubby to watch or stream whatever struck his fancy. If I had been more vigilant the mere title would have tipped me off.“Out of the Wild” is nothing my hubby should watch. It’s a reality show about nine strangers, dropped off in the middle of Alaska without the benefit of prior survival training or the moose-hunting skills of it’s former Governor. They have no idea where they are or how long it will take them to find their way out. They have nowhere near enough food and precious little time to learn to hunt, fish and/or gather before winter sets in. Did I mention the bears???? The only saving grace is that each person is given a GPS locator and once they are starved or frozen or maimed enough to call it a day, they can individually press the button and a rescue helicopter will come and swoop them away. I only caught the last three episodes at which point hubby was completely, totally hooked.

I saw the look in his eye as he turned a wistful glance my direction. “Oh, HELL no.” I told him, “I would press the button the first morning we ran out of coffee…. and don’t make me call your mother.” Hubby sighed and turned away. And though he may not believe me now, I am being totally supportive. It’s awfully hard to live your best life after your skinny, half-starved carcass has been eaten by a bear.

Recent Comments

Pam on I’m fine.We will not be looking back on these years with a happy chuckle and a thought of how whimsical the Universe can be, but I imagine the silver linings will continue to provide useful, elegant lessons in how to love this life we are living. You are a blessing and joy in my life and I am much better for knowing you. And this entry is freakin' hilarious!

Geanette on I’m fine.You amaze me. That’s all there is too it. The fact that you are willing and able to even LOOK for a silver lining is breathtaking. And then you make me laugh outloud. “And the award for best use of the word fish stick in a simile goes toooooo......!”
Oh Melanie.....keep filling our hearts with your observations and keep us laughing. We need inspiration like you. And now ... bonus ... I can say I’ve “read” Rilke!
Big love,
G

Pam on There are RULES, dangnabbit!Wow! Who is the noble cobbler? Mine took six weeks to repair the strap on my bag that I carry every day.
I am aware that your cobbler didn't say that they would be ready in two days, he just agreed that she could pick them up. I am delighting myself with the fantasy of her coming in to get her eight unrepaired boots and stamping her tiny foot while said cobbler merely swings his awl to point to the wall -- Ready in Two Weeks.

Melanie Danke on Wakey, wakey.Gosh, you are sweet. Thank you for that.

Geanette on Wakey, wakey.Didn't think I could POSSIBLY love you any more, but after reading this one. I do. I do indeed. You make me laugh when there's nothing to laugh about. You make me see the world with new eyes. No small feat. God, I love you!