A Very Critical CRACKED Round Up

This week we're all about telling you how crappy something is in a helpful list. Technology, video games, toys- nothing is safe. That, and a weekly, obligatory Christian Bale shout out, (We love you, Batman! Please hang out with us!).

Hey, do you like porn? If so, send your love to Michael Swaim, because he's fighting for your right to watch free porn this week. If you hate porn, do you love Ross Wolinsky? Because he's got some more ridiculous videos for you. Alternatively, do you hate Ross Wolinksy? Well, we got something for that, too.

With Christmas coming up right around the corner, we strongly recommend picking up "The Best of Nelson: The Millennium Collection" to really let that special someone know how you feel about them, (hint: indifferent).

Notable Comment: A character by the name of "Blacksuit" posted twenty times in passionate defense of Vanilla Ice. We've been saying it for years, people: Blacksuit is Vanilla Ice.

TELL us about it, everyone's always, like, 'Ooh, my airbag saved this, and my eight year old daughter can walk today because my air bag did that." Blah blah blah. Call us when you can download music on it, right? Are we right?

Getting to the last level in a game only to realize that the big boss you've been worried about the whole time was really just a little bitch is almost as depressing as realizing that you wasted your entire childhood playing video games.

Notable Comment: The comments section for this article erupted in a series of additional similarly disappointing bosses.Do...do video games just suck? Like, every single one of them?

Remember how you spent hours and hours catching the ball in the cup or watching the bed spring fall down the stairs? What the fuck were you thinking?

Notable Comment: Playbahnosh says "Fact: Boomerangs are awesome. Little-known fact: Boomerangs need fucking years to master." Right. Takes years to master. Just like any great toy should. Playing isn't about fun, it's about working hard your entire childhood for a comparatively pathetic payoff. Have you ever thought about designing toys, Playbahnosh? How about a video game that's only operational after you clean your room and finish your homework, or perhaps a talking doll that constantly reminds you what a disappointment you are?