Made any New Year resolutions yet? Me neither: but here are 16 conversations we needn't have again for a year

1 We had my in-laws — or was it my husband’s? — over on the Thursday — or was it the Friday? — and then on the Friday — or was it the Thursday? — we went to my ­sister’s for lunch. On Christmas Eve — now where were we on Christmas Eve? — yes, on Christmas Eve we had my brother and his wife to stay with their children, and then on Christmas Day we were 15 for lunch, including my first cousins and their children, and on Boxing Day we went to my brother-in-law’s and he had his parents there and my sister had her children from her first marriage as well as their stepmother, the one who suffers from depression, and we were 16 for lunch. Well, Christmas is a time for families, isn’t it?

2 I don't know what we’re going to do with all this wrapping paper. It’s quite ridiculous!

It was a case of simply eating too much on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, for three days after that... and then on New Year's Eve

3 Then at New Year we decided to take it easy, so we just had the neighbours round and my aunt and uncle and my uncle’s brother Ken and his two children, who are in their 30s — she has problems with her back. On the day after New Year — was that the Sunday or the Monday? — we went to stay with friends in Dorset but just for one night, and then on the way back on the following day — was it the Monday or the ­Sunday? — we called in on my ­husband’s sister and her family for tea, which would have been nice but the ­children were down with flu.

4 All these Bank Holidays! It’s quite ridiculous!

5 I went down with it just before Christmas, but only for a couple of days. I must have caught it off our neighbours, who were sneezing like mad, but still insisted on dropping in for a drink. It’s a bug that’s going round. Richard’s been in bed for a week, Diana’s apparently on antibiotics and Geoff just can’t seem to shake it off.

6 It took us over two-and-a-half hours to get from junction 14 to junction 21, and even when we finally got onto the M25 we were literally crawling along until ­junction 11. It’s quite ridiculous.

7 I put the turkey in the oven at 9.30am, and we were all sitting round the table by 2.15pm. The wonderful thing about Delia is she’s so reliable.

8 There was absolutely nothing worth watching on television except for the final of Strictly Come Dancing, then the kids enjoyed Merlin and we all love Outnumbered, and Upstairs Downstairs kept us glued and, of course, we always watch the Christmas carols from King’s College and there were some marvellous wildlife shows and some great films and did you see Victoria Wood? Oh, you should have! But apart from them and the David Attenborough repeat, there was absolutely nothing worth watching.

9 I don't know what we’re going to do with all this junk from the crackers. It’s ridiculous!

The wonderful thing about Delia is she's so reliable

10 You couldn’t move for all the people going to the sales. I simply don’t understand it. I mean, how much more stuff can all these people really need? I nipped out and bought a sofa and four dining room chairs and a cafetiere and a couple of cushions and a new bed and a mirror and a photograph album and an electric blanket and I couldn’t resist a new kitchen table because it was 50 per cent off, but some people were going mad. And that’s what I really don’t understand, I mean, where do they get all the money from? Oh, and I bought a wonderful new electric mixer — we’ve already got two, but it was 40 per cent off and I can never resist a bargain.

11 We were snowed in for three days, then there was a bit of a thaw, then there was more snow on the Wednesday — or was it the ­Tuesday? — and we couldn’t get the car out at all on the Thursday, and there was hardly anyone on the road that entire weekend, and the ground was terribly icy — it’s the black ice you have to look out for.

12 It happens every year, but it always seems to take them by surprise. It’s quite ridiculous!

13 The children gave me a pair of gloves and some soap and my mother gave me the new Nigel Slater, even though I’ve already got three, and Frank gave me some bath salts and a scented ­candle and I gave Frank six pairs of socks, he always needs more socks, and I gave my mother something for the garden and the children the new Wii and a whole lot of DVDs, and then my mother gave Frank a sat nav, even though he’s already got one, and she gave the children the new Wii, even though I’d already bought them one, so all in all, yes, we all got pretty much what we wanted.

14 We had ten for lunch on Christmas Eve, and I ate too much, then we had a huge lunch on Christmas Day, and I ate too much, then for the next two or three days we had the leftovers, and I ate too much, and around New Year I thought it was time to give it a rest, and I ate too much.

15 Made any New Year’s ­resolutions? Me neither.

16 I don't know what we’re going to do with all this ­Stilton. It’s quite ridiculous!