My friend is having a tough time after the birth of her first
baby. She recognizes it and is seeking help from her dr. I am
looking for ideas about how to better understand what she is
going through (books?). I have 2 children but it has been a
while since I was a new mother. I do remember the sense of being
overwhelmed, exhaustion, not being able to get anything done
besides holding a cranky baby, etc. However, it all comes a
little easier to me than my friend - just our wiring. I want to
make sure I understand my friend so I can best support her. I am
worried about giving too much advise because I know that can be
irritating, but I also want to encourage her to take breaks away
from her baby, using the good family support she has or hiring
someone. I know that this is only one thing that will help, it
isn't a fix all. She is in the Bay Area and I am long distance.
Ideas for me or ideas for her would be great
Worried Friend

This is a great book:
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Blues-Understanding-Postpartum-Depression/dp/0971712433/sr=1-6/qid=1158465179/ref=sr_1_6/103-3853510-0280642?ie=UTF8&s=books
Anon
The most important thing for you to realize is that normal ''baby
blues'' and exhaustion, etc. are NOT the same as real post-partum
depression. While your suggestions sound very good, supportive, and
appropriate for anyone, try to understand that it may not be simply a
matter of it being a little easier for you, that the birth may have set
off a serious, biochemical, mood disorder for her.

Depression of any kind is very hard if not impossible for anyone to
understand who hasn't personally experienced it- there's simply no way
to sufficiently describe it in words, and when someone is depressed
their ability and energy for expression are impaired anyway. Don't
expect to understand it if you haven't been in the same place yourself!

You're right in your instinct to not offer a lot of advice, she may not
even have the energy and wherewithall to put much of it to use. I would
say: listen to her with acceptance, praise her for seeking professional
help and if she gets discouraged about it encourage her to keep seeking
until she finds the help she needs, and give your friendship by simply
being there for her and letting her know you are. Expect nothing of her
right now, let her cry if she does.

The one other thing I can suggest from my own experience with depression
is that it helped me when people (very subtly and undemandingly, not
obviously or judgementally) boosted my sense of self by finding ways of
reminding me who I am beyond being a depressed person. On the occasions
when a friend was able to get me to laugh at some old story it was like
medicine.

Hi, my closest friend lives in Los ANgeles and just had her 2nd
child. I'm trying to figure out creative ways to give her and
her husband some support long-distance since we can't show up
with dinners and help clean her house or play with her toddler,
etc. Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks

When my sisters-in-law gave birth to their children I organized
a few of their friends to deliver dinner to them once a week for
four weeks. Although they are only across the Bay I found that
it would be difficult for me to make the trek to deliver dinner.
I asked my brothers-in law for a few close friends' e-mail
addy's and sent messages to everyone introducing myself and the
proposed dinner delivery idea. I received a great response (one
of my s-i-l circle of friends has continued the tradition of
delivering meals after the birth of a child.) I hope this helps
Not Shy
Diapers, diapers, and wipes...one can never have enough! I'd
suggest looking up www.1800diapers.com. Gift certificates are
great! I'm sure your friend will appreciate it! She'll be
extremely grateful for your thoughtfulness! Blessings!
mommyof3
I've dealt with your problem many times. Here are some ideas:
1) Order them a raft of pre-made meals. I've ordered many
new-baby family gift packs from HomeBistro.com. These are very
easy to make, look nice and according to my very picky gourmet
friends, taste very good. I don't work for them, just found them
in an internet search and it is awesome. They come packaged in
special cases, go right in the freezer and boil in bag (fancy
name in french is sou vide (sp?) or microwave. Totally easy.

2) If they don't have housecleaning already (and you can probably
ask the father/partner), order some weeks of it for them. Merry
Maids or some of the other services would do you fine. The will
often clean the house and charge the services to you.
Hope that helps
long distance gift giver