CJ Parker comes to the ring and says that he wants to apologize to Xavier Woods for what happened last week. Woods shows up dressed like one of the Original Kings Of Comedy. Parker apologizes to Woods — sincerely, even — and Woods’ response is to be all sassy and insult him a bunch. Parker rightfully gets a little angry, but keeps his cool and assures Woods that there’s no catch, he just wants peace. He’s a hippie, after all. Woods responds to THAT with an obnoxious hand gesture, blowing into his fist and acting like he’s gonna poke CJ in the eyes.

Reminder: Xavier Woods is the good guy.

Anyway, Woods remembers the phrase “RUN AND TELL THAT, HOMEBOY” from an Antoine Dodson shirt he saw hanging near the Grumpy Cat one at Hot Topic and thinks he’s won the argument. Parker “kicks” him in the back of the head as he’s leaving. I put kicks in quotes because he kinda grazes his afro. Woods is COMPLETELY KNOCKED OUT. PYRO AND BALLYHOO.

Can we skip all this stuff and get to the part of the feud where CJ Parker accuses Woods of contributing to the death of the only remaining Funkasaurus in captivity?

Best: Let Me Wash The Taste Of That Last Segment Out Of My Mouth With The Vaudevillains Doing Nothing

For absolutely no reason whatsoever there is footage of the Vaudevillains trying to fit through a doorway at the same time and getting stuck, then having an out-of-sync, black-and-white conversation about how they’ll be champions one day. It made me smile, which a white piece of paper with VAUDEVILLAINS typed across it in Times New Roman could make me do right now.

I’d like to think the announce team was watching this on the monitors and did spit-takes trying to be the first person to say WHAT CHANCE WILL THEY HAVE AGAINST THE ASCENSION?

“Is the Olive Garden fine or is it not?”
“I said it was fine. It’s fine.”
“Yeah but you don’t mean it’s fine.”
“No, I love you, it’s fine. Go to the Olive Garden.”
“Ugh.”
“What.”
“nothing”
“What?”
“I said nothing.”
“WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS”

The next match is Fat Neil squashing Angelo Dawkins, which I’m almost positive NXT put together just to see which one I’d cheer for. The results? Angelo Dawkins. I know, I know.

Here’s my rationale: Dawkins is in full jobber mode here and not doing any of the awkward Hip Hop Ninja Turtle stuff he did that one week I decided I hated his guts. The shooting sleeve is still there, but whatever. ‘Unbreakable’ Bull Dempsey still has a stomach in a King Kong Bundy onesie that looks like Jesus cleaning a bowling ball. He’s cutting post-match promos about how he’s a “wrecking ball” and never once calls himself Wrecking Bull. Advantage: Dawkins.

Worst: The Announce Team Needs To Stop Loudly Reacting To Everything That Happens

I’ve mentioned it before, but Renee Young goes OOOOH! like she’s watching a nasty head-drop or a Burning Lariat every time a wrestling move happens. Every single one of them. A guy hits a hiptoss and Renee goes OOH!! OOH!!!! She’s got the rest of the booth doing it now. Just dead silence for 20 seconds, somebody hits a dropkick and three people simultaneously go WHOAAAA!!! OHHH!~!!!

(You guys are supposed to be calling the match, not standing around in the background of a Worldstar video.)

You are missing out, in that case. This is the best work of their career since that arc in Total Divas where Nattie tried to convince Tyson to lay in their marital bed, and Tyson could NOT BE less interested.

I haven’t caught up on NXT too much (I tend to skip around) so I don’t know the history between Parker and Xavier, but I can understand Xavier not wanting to readily accept the apology of a guy who’s been a dick to him in the past for no reason. That said, Xavier came off worse. If he’s the good guy, he should try harder to move on.

And side note: wow, when did CJ Parker become kind of interesting? So glad he moved beyond that moonchild BS.

I’m not the most active NXT watcher (shame on me, but that’s why I always read this report), but I’m pretty sure it can be traced back to when he was wandering around the crowd with his signs, and more recently with his new Titantron that’s 100% hippie love.

I think the whole point of the Dempsey character (I agree with the hilariously awful/awesome theme remark, BTW) is that the ‘dying breed’ he’s talking about isn’t guys like Eddie Kingston or whatever, it’s of the lumbering WWF oafs of old; your Earthquakes and Tugboats; I skimmed through most of this week’s match, but his debut with Woods two weeks back gave me – especially with the focus on headlocks and basic moves – a vibe that what he might be trying to do is an NXT version of Foley’s anti-hardcore shtick in ECW.

My only real problem with the dude is that motherfucker needs kneepads. Very few people can work without ‘em (Cesaro being the first example I can think up right off-hand), and Bull’s not one of them.

I agree that very few can work without kneepads (when not wearing long tights anyway), but one who looked perfect without them was Taz. The singlet-taped fists- and-boots look was just visually spot on for the character.

Offhand question that’s always bugging me; why would anyone ever want to work without kneepads? Or elbow pads? Why is there any wrestler on the planet who doesn’t wear both all the time? They’re allowed by your sport, I don’t see them as a hazard to either performer, and they protect your joints. Outsider’s perspective, here, but it always feels stupid to me that every single wrestler doesn’t wear both, always.

Glad you touched on it, but I definitely thought Summer and Bayley’s match got sloppy enough to the point of detracting from their solid ring psychology. I suppose that’s why it’s NXT and not the major leagues, but I want both of them to a little better so badly.

Nah, AJ/Nattie from a recent episode of Main Event was better than this match. In fact, if you just add AJ + (okay to good Diva) and give them time, there’s usually a decent match because AJ will bump to reasonable offense.

@PT
Whoops, i messed up my joke. I meant to post that three years ago (aka the era of K2) Summer vs Bailey would have been Divas MOTY. Yeah, there’s plenty of decent matches now (Paige and Alicia’s series alone).

She didn’t get on the Exotic Express and her brain endorphins have completely died. CJ Parker sold her some stuff, but it made her stand around dull and motionless, which nobody noticed the difference.

Good episode. Even the bad parts like Bull (Seriously, GET NEW GEAR! You look like a literal fat load of crap!) go down easily thanks to the much more relaxed nature of the show.

I kind of wish Bayley would start winning. I know Summer won to advance the BFF breakup, but I just don’t want crowds to think Bayley’s a proud loser. She’s just too awesome for that. And I do want Bayley to hug me, thanks.

I’m with the group that can’t stand Kidd/Natalya. It just reminds me of stupid RAW/Total Divas drama, and I watch NXT to get away from that junk. I did like the ending to the main event though, with that said.

If Devin had dropped that mic after Sami casually threw it to her, who would have had to pay for it? Like some above, I just find her hilarious in how she simply cannot react correctly to anything. She’s really pretty, obviously, but please, please, PLEASE grow a personality! You’re killing me here!

I wish Xavier Woods wasn’t terrible, because I want to root for smart people. He’s not helping himself. CJ Parker is also dumb.

I really like the tag team pairing of Kidd and Gabriel. I think Gabriel has it on the mic a bit more than Kidd does, but Kidd knows exactly how to respond at Gabriel’s side. They could make a great heel tag team or just a heel duo in NXT for a few months. Bring in Natty as the heel manager and you have something that could really make the tag division of NXT (which honestly is the worst bit there, though it is improving with the Vaudevillains appearing) interesting.

Hopefully this all leads to a big match for Zayn to win, or maybe a fatal four way elimination match at the next NXT WWE Network Event? He and Neville did exactly what they needed to on the mic tonight, too. “We’re old pals who will look out for each other; you pissed us off and now we are gonna kick your ass in the ring.”

The BFF break up stuff is good with the potential to be great. It has to lead to a heel Boss Sasha Banks and Charlotte Flair mixing it up for the strap, I think. Summer could make it a cool triple threat to make Charlotte lose the title to Sasha without being involved in the finish to set up a match for the next NXT event, too.

I wanted Bull to be good for about fifteen seconds. But fuck that guy, from his attire to his wrestling. Bull is supposed to be a big bruiser and here he is chain wrestling, which is fine, but eventually he needs to stop chaining into headlocks and just run through a guy off the arm drag. Props to Angelo Dawkins for that jump over Bull for the sunset flip attempt. If nothing else, dude got crazy height. Or Bull is just short as fuck, what do I know? Bull isn’t total shit but he needs to step up his game if he wants to get a spotlight from the NXT crowd. Also, should’ve called himself a Rampaging Bull, not a wrecking ball. Tsk tsk.

Is Xavier Woods trying to pull a Bo Dallas/CJ Parker and organically turn heel by being such an obnoxious, pompous face? “I’m getting my PhD. That means I’m smart. That means I use logic.” All he needs is an “RTV” type program where he updates us on his transcript. “I just passed Organizational Psychology, with a 95% and two gold stars on the top, so now I am only three credits away from graduating. With honors, of course.”

Speaking of percentages, if you lightly pat Drake Younger on the forehead, there is a 95% chance that he’ll start bleeding.

best line of the night: “it’s good to see your big head down there again.” renee to albert

i like kidd and gabriel as pissed off, bitter vets. breeze/neville should dominate the title scene, and i guess zayn could feud with kidd…but id like to see kidd/gabriel take the nxt tag titles. then they take them to raw.

I’m calling it – Natalya is having an affair with Sami Zayn because Tyson Kidd doesn’t sexually satisfy her and Zayn, being a nice guy, was nice to her one time. Things got a little heated, they went for some poutine together and BAM Nattie found out she’s quite keen on gingers and Sami’s collars match his cuffs.

Yeah, the silences at a couple of points in the show were very noticeable. My friend offers up the theory that maybe Triple H (or someone else), was in their ears giving instructions on the next few minutes of commentary, so they all stopped to listen to him.

I have to admit, I was seriously bummed out at the end of the Bayley/Summer match. But, I guess we gotta resolve that BFF storyline, so whatever, I guess. I’m still looking forward to Bayley eventually winning that thing, then going on the biggest hugging spree ever. Start with Brandi, then the ref, then a few random fans, then Renee, Regal, Tom Phillips (or whoever is announcing it), hell I even accept her hugging Alex Riley. I want a camera going backstage afterwards to catch her hugging random production staff, catering, Triple H…everyone.

Also, I really hope Natalya’s in on this. I’ve never been a big fan of her at all, but a thing that would help her 1000% is having an identifiable character outside of “HEY, DO YOU KNOW WHO MY UNCLE IS?” Maybe she can be the female Regal Final Boss for the Divas. Let her stew in NXT where her style of wrestling works, stretch the girls out, get pointers on character work, then bring her back to RAW as this awful person who will destroy people while being sassy and unlikable with her FACT spouting husband and justify all the “NO SHE’S GOOD” people.

@Gosh Zilla
Not that I’m saying he’s as good as Zayn, but isn’t that the thought process behind Ziggler’s booking? That he’ll stay over no matter who he jobs to? I think that’s what Jake Plummer’s worried about.

@Johnny Slider Yeah, I see what you’re saying. For me at least, there’s a subtle difference. When Dolph’s out, I never really see winning as a real possibility when you do the math and figure out what’s what with the match. For Sami, though, even when I know in the back of my mind that he’s probably going to lose, my brain always forgets about that and believes that he COULD win. It could have something to do with the NXT crowd’s seemingly overwhelming support of Sami versus the smaller portion of the WWE Universe at large’s backing of Dolph, though, I suppose.

I get what you mean. Honestly, even before he got injured, I saw Daniel Bryan and thought that one day he was gonna pass the torch to Sami Zayn. Those two are massively over for the same reasons of fantastic wrestler and genuinely nice guy passing through to the audience.

On Dolph, its impressive he’s as over as he still is. I thought he would be HBK, then I thought Y2J, now, I think I’ll be satisfied if he settles at Christian. Good matches on TV all the time, I think I can be happy with that.

I’m not too worried about it. Everybody loves the guy, he’s legit amazing to watch, and he’s a likable character that actually sounds like a human being. He only just finished his first year in NXT recently; he’ll be ok. It kinda stinks right now, but he’ll get there. I would not be surprised if Sami was the guy to take the belt off of Tyler Breeze, who I think will beat Neville.

I am kinda confused as to how I’d like his character to develop. On the one hand, Sami’s one of the few guys that 100% gets being a face. On the other hand…it’s kind of a weakness. Here’s a guy that tried to help his opponent’s wife and loses because he’s too nice a guy. On the other hand…is him going the generic path of every face to develop a “mean streak” really the thing he should be doing?

I dunno. Regardless, Sami will be ok. It kinda stinks now, but he’ll be fine.

I know that WWE has a shaky relationship with history, but stating that Bull Dempsey’s match a couple of weeks ago was his debut? It was only a month or two ago that he put up a good fight against Mojo before eating butthole, and he’s been around since January at least, as seen in his bit part in the weird LeFort/Ryan angle when LeFort was looking for a new guy and Dempsey was rejected for being a fat goober with a chain around his neck.