Flat Armando: The Legend Exposed

Is it weird that a Jesus-type figure appears the TV (in the upper left corner) at this exact moment?

Stories of a flat, human-like creature that appears half man and half cardboard have existed in various parts of the world for many centuries. In fact, the only continent not to have stories of “cardboard men” is Antarctica.

Flat Armando never could say “No” to those puppy dog eyes.

The most common explanation for Flat Armando sightings is that people are playing pranks. There was even once a thriving market for “Flat Armando cutouts” to trick your family and friends. People still even dress up in Flat Armando costumes in order to perpetuate the legend.

Flat Armando-on the outside looking in.

Some sightings are also simply misidentified animals. In 2007, a photo was snapped in Pennsylvania using an automatically triggered camera hanging from a tree. While believers claimed the blurry photo—showing a flat, cardboard creature standing on two feet—was that of a “juvenile Flat Armando,” the Pennsylvania Game Commission said the creature was most likely “a bear with an extreme case of mange.”

Flat Armando seems to have some sort of supernatural/hypnotic power that literally stuns and partially paralyzes humans.

The actual Flat Armando made a rare appearance at a nearby restaurant a few weeks ago and astonished locals with his open & friendly demeanor. Everyone thought it was a once-in-a-lifetime encounter.

But, in an unforeseen development, Flat Armando seems to have formed some sort of primal attachment to our Parts Department Manager, Paul Smith. He mysteriously showed up again at our Christmas party and hung around his favorite Parts Manager all evening. Perhaps, Paul reminds him of his father or a lost sibling. In any event, the attraction/bond between the two seems to grow stronger the more alcohol they consume together.

Then, with the evening’s festivities over, Flat Armando disappeared into the darkness but his presence in Paul’s heart remains strong and bright. Will we ever see him again? Only time will tell…