For all of our preschool field trips, the school either rented school buses (which all the kids had to ride) or their own parents drove. No carpooling unless the parents made arrangements with each other.

I think your school is doing it exactly the right way, but the cost of renting buses is such that most preschool would cancel all field trips rather than incur the additional cost.

When my son went to a private preschool, they tried to pull something similar.

First off, I made sure I could either attend every field trip or I wouldn't let my child go on it. The first field trip of the year, the teacher tried to convince me to take (and therefore be responsible for) 3 other children. They didn't even have their car seats/boosters. I refused to accept that responsibility and just took my son to and from the field trip. I just wasn't comfortable with accepting that weight without discussing it with the parents. (and even then, I probably wouldn't have done it) And yes, the school did do background checks but fingerprints (as a PP mentioned) was not part of the check.

OP, to keep this from happening again, I suggest you either make it to the field trips or keep your son at school during the field trips.

We use parent volunteers as drivers for my Girl Scout troop. My suggestion to the director is that each driver should have the emergency contact info for the children that they are driving and the children's parents should have the driver's contact information. Girl Scouts also require my drivers to have a copy of each passengers health history forms. I place a copy in a sealed envelope, only to be opened in case of an emergency.We also had an issue at school where the bus was separated by the parent drivers by a huge accident. There was an hour delay between the two. Thankfully the parent drivers were able to call other parents directly and explain what happened.

I think an idea like this is absolutely something the OP can pursue--it would be the appropriate next step.

In other words, it's not polite to continue to berate someone once an apology has been tendered. If you're not emotionally ready to accept the apology, you need to do your "simmering down" on your own time, not as a continued attack on others.

But you *can* politely bring up alternate plans to prevent the problem from happening again.

You can bring them up to the other mother, as a way to say, "this was probably stressful for both of us, and if we brought this solution to the director, it could avoid problems like this completely."

I think to the other mother, the OP could say, "what happened last week?" And could say, *lightly*, "Yeah, i had a couple of scary moments" in a *sharing* sort of way, but absolutely not in a "you did me wrong" way.

I've been thinking a lot about this and the related etiquette, and I've come to this conclusion. I probably would have talked to the director of the preschool no matter what, but there is one simple etiquette related thing late Mom could have done that would have made this whole situation better.

If she had gotten out of her vehicle and seen me standing there and said, "I'm sorry we're late. I really had to stop and pick up my other kids. The school is really harsh about it," I probably would have understood. I wouldn't have been happy, but I would have understood.

Instead, she broke the rules, worried me, and took my child where she had no right to take him and this was the explanation I got: (shrug) "I had to pick up my other kids. I couldn't just leave them standing there." (hair toss)

Even if everything else went wrong, her phone exploded, and she was caught in a huge traffic jam, and the whole thing was an act of the gods, and not her own doing when she got out of that car she owed me an apology not attitude. I think she more than deserved the glare of death.

I'm not going to chase her down for an apology. I already got several from the preschool director. And yes, for the rest of the year either DH or I will probably be on the field trips. But she was still really rude.

Then again, if she got the glare of death -before- she had a change to actually say anything to you, she was on the defensive. I would have been. The person glaring at me would really piss me off--they're leaving me no room to actually apologize--I get "attacked" before I've even opened my mouth. I've got more self-control than to act flippantly in return, simply because doing so only escalates things. But I subtract about 60% of the remorse when I'm treated like that. Actually, I'd be pissed if I got the glare of death -after- I apologized. Even more so, probably.

I think the glare of death is an incredibly rude thing, actually. In almost every situation. She was rude. But I think you were as well.

The truth is that your child was never in any danger. He was late, but he was perfectly safe. She was doing a favor to the daycare community by transporting your child. In return, perhaps she expected some flexibility, especially if they were late leaving.

I know that I would expect to be treated civilly. And glaring at me is not civil.

I've been thinking a lot about this and the related etiquette, and I've come to this conclusion. I probably would have talked to the director of the preschool no matter what, but there is one simple etiquette related thing late Mom could have done that would have made this whole situation better.

If she had gotten out of her vehicle and seen me standing there and said, "I'm sorry we're late. I really had to stop and pick up my other kids. The school is really harsh about it," I probably would have understood. I wouldn't have been happy, but I would have understood.

Instead, she broke the rules, worried me, and took my child where she had no right to take him and this was the explanation I got: (shrug) "I had to pick up my other kids. I couldn't just leave them standing there." (hair toss)

Even if everything else went wrong, her phone exploded, and she was caught in a huge traffic jam, and the whole thing was an act of the gods, and not her own doing when she got out of that car she owed me an apology not attitude. I think she more than deserved the glare of death.

I'm not going to chase her down for an apology. I already got several from the preschool director. And yes, for the rest of the year either DH or I will probably be on the field trips. But she was still really rude.

It's amazing what an apology will (or would have) done, isn't it? I was in the swimming pool last night and a kid (maybe 8 or 9?) was tossing a ball against the wall. It made an errant bounce and landed right on nose. My annoyance instantly dissipated when he looked straight at me and said "I'm sorry about that".

I know that I may have ended up in the late parents shoes as time hopped away and I may have not noticed we were leaving late until I was in the car and in traffic and looking at the clock, but I know I would have been apologizing for the inconvenience before I even got out of the car.

I agree that ten minutes isn't too much of a big deal....and it really wouldn't have been a big deal if the other mother had actually apologized! This issue is that (as OP stated) this other mother took her child somewhere else....someplace that was not part of the scheduled agenda. Parents give their permission for their children to go on field trips; the OP didn't give her permission for her child to go anywhere else. I wouldn't have minded waiting ten minutes....things happen. But I like to know where my child is at all times. At school? Check. En route to the pumpkin patch? Check. Pumpkin patch? Check. Detour to a school I've never been to before to pick up older children I've never met? NO.

Then again, if she got the glare of death -before- she had a change to actually say anything to you, she was on the defensive. I would have been. The person glaring at me would really piss me off--they're leaving me no room to actually apologize--I get "attacked" before I've even opened my mouth. I've got more self-control than to act flippantly in return, simply because doing so only escalates things. But I subtract about 60% of the remorse when I'm treated like that. Actually, I'd be pissed if I got the glare of death -after- I apologized. Even more so, probably.

I think the glare of death is an incredibly rude thing, actually. In almost every situation. She was rude. But I think you were as well.

The truth is that your child was never in any danger. He was late, but he was perfectly safe. She was doing a favor to the daycare community by transporting your child. In return, perhaps she expected some flexibility, especially if they were late leaving.

I know that I would expect to be treated civilly. And glaring at me is not civil.

One issue that occurs to me is... what if the OP, or the parents of other kids in the late car, had also needed to pick up kids at a certain time? I think that mostly this was the fault of the preschool not ending their field trip on time. Getting back late, when parents have made plans for pickups, etc., can really put parents in a tight spot. The mom did try to call, after all, and wouldn't have known that the director didn't receive the message until later. And as for leaving a message instead of talking to a person... if the only number she had wasn't being picked up, exactly how was she going to force the director to answer? I don't really blame her as much as the other people on here. She's going to have to worry *somebody*, either her kids, her kids' school, or the carpooled kids' parents. And all because the field trip went later than it was scheduled to.

I do think the best thing might have been to tell somebody as they were leaving the field trip location. They might have either given her permission, helped her to shuffle her carpooled kids into somebody else's car, or called her older kids' school to explain the situation, teacher-to-teacher. But I could certainly see, say, the field trip ending at 1:30, but then the mom has to take the kids to the bathroom, and walk a long way to/through the parking lot, one kid is whining and tired and walking at a snail's pace, then you get the kids buckled into their carseats, and now it's 2:10 and all of a sudden you have a 50-minute drive back, but you're also supposed to pick up your kids at 3pm sharp, etc.

I've been thinking a lot about this and the related etiquette, and I've come to this conclusion. I probably would have talked to the director of the preschool no matter what, but there is one simple etiquette related thing late Mom could have done that would have made this whole situation better.

If she had gotten out of her vehicle and seen me standing there and said, "I'm sorry we're late. I really had to stop and pick up my other kids. The school is really harsh about it," I probably would have understood. I wouldn't have been happy, but I would have understood.

Instead, she broke the rules, worried me, and took my child where she had no right to take him and this was the explanation I got: (shrug) "I had to pick up my other kids. I couldn't just leave them standing there." (hair toss)

Even if everything else went wrong, her phone exploded, and she was caught in a huge traffic jam, and the whole thing was an act of the gods, and not her own doing when she got out of that car she owed me an apology not attitude. I think she more than deserved the glare of death.

I'm not going to chase her down for an apology. I already got several from the preschool director. And yes, for the rest of the year either DH or I will probably be on the field trips. But she was still really rude.

Okay this makes it a very different issue. The problem really was the 10 minutes plus the attitude. The 10 minutes alone didn't seem like that big a deal to me, but with the attitude I can see why you were upset. I would still advise saying nothing.

Then again, if she got the glare of death -before- she had a change to actually say anything to you, she was on the defensive. I would have been. The person glaring at me would really piss me off--they're leaving me no room to actually apologize--I get "attacked" before I've even opened my mouth. I've got more self-control than to act flippantly in return, simply because doing so only escalates things. But I subtract about 60% of the remorse when I'm treated like that. Actually, I'd be pissed if I got the glare of death -after- I apologized. Even more so, probably.

I think the glare of death is an incredibly rude thing, actually. In almost every situation. She was rude. But I think you were as well.

The truth is that your child was never in any danger. He was late, but he was perfectly safe. She was doing a favor to the daycare community by transporting your child. In return, perhaps she expected some flexibility, especially if they were late leaving.

I know that I would expect to be treated civilly. And glaring at me is not civil.

What an interesting assumption.

Well, actually, I wasn't assuming anything--that's why I used the word "if" -and- addressed the concept of getting the glare after an apology.

Even if the glare only came after her half-hearted apology, I have to confess: I don't think the "glare of death" is polite.