I first heard about this movie via The Book of List edited by Irving Wallace et al. In the list of worst movies, this one, Plan 9 and Robot Monster to me had to be the worst of the worst. Plan 9 and Robot Monster I already knew, so Party Beach had to be something great-bad as well. Right? Wrong.

It was one of the most disappointing bad movies I’ve ever seen. As a result of the failure to live down to its billing, it has become one of my favorite episodes. It isn’t so much bad as annoying. The Del-Aires have that mugging Buddy Holly wannabe I wish was on the plane instead. (note: here is a webpage with an interview with said Buddy Holly wannabe, http://www.badmovieplanet.com/3btheater/tributes/delaires/delairesindex.html) The ‘friendly thin men’ don’t belong on a beach with that many girls. The motorcycle gang would have been beaten up by the Von Zipper gang. The oddly placed moral lessons from Dr. Gavin and Eulabelle just don’t fit. The whole lack of urgency over the killings or in getting the sodium bugs the hell out of me.

More than anything, it is the lack of commitment which bothers me. The first 20 minutes hint at a promising concept-I love the AIP Beach Movie-even if the humor falls flat. Then it devolves into what would be that era’s equivalent of gore (Tina, the slumber party, and the car girls deaths are cut short for the SOL. Mostly it involved smearing chocolate syrup all over the women) somehow without evolving any other part of the plot.

The “romance” between Elaine and Hank is so flat and uninspired. I am glad these two dreadfully dull and boring people found each other. No one else will have to be poisoned by their empty personalities. There is your real monsters, boring people. At the dance (“Summer Love”) there is a shot of a kiss, but not between Elaine and Hank. Random people kissing was more interesting than a kiss between our main characters.

Why are girls still going to the beach? Why are they still hanging out by water? Don’t they know a monster is about? Why would sodium effect a salt water creature?

The last 20 minutes is probably the least urgent chase in movie history. Riveting phone call action!

Watchability: 1 of 5. Disappointing and disjointed. If they had picked a lane and stuck with it, you might have had something. They couldn’t figure out if it was parody, horror, gore or suspense. Bad, but not in the way I wanted it to be all those years ago.

Missing the Riffs: 1 of 5. I would not recommend watching without the SOL crew.

I was joined again by my non-Mistie wife for the viewing of this movie. I had learned the worms and trap-door spider were left over from the original King Kong, a scene cut from the Skull Island sequence, and that piqued her curiosity. I’d put the original Kong in my personal top 20 movies. Kind of like Them, it shows how good the genre can be.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this is the best movie I’ve watched so far in this project. There are really only two flaws with the film: 1) some of the shots of the Scorpion chasing the crowds in Mexico City are just horrid looking. That doesn’t make sense, since they did such a good job with the spider and Juanito in the caverns. 2) Juanito. He is so unnecessary, not really a character but a plot device to create tension. As my wife said, so much of what is going on in the movie makes sense, the bad decisions surrounding what to do with Juanito are even more grating.

I know the scorpion heads were not the best, but I think that is more in comparison to the stop motion models in the movie. It is acceptable for the era, but a bit of a letdown after watching Willis O’Brien’s models tear up the scenery.

My wife would add the ‘creepy’ banter between Dr. Scott and Teresa Alvarez to the flaws in the movie. I can see her point, but I’ve watch John Agar banter, and that is creepy.

Another movie which did not have a lot of time cut for the SOL. The opening about the rise of the volcanos has a little more depth and stock footage. There is an extended scene where Dr. Scott and Dr. Ramos are having dinner with Father Delgado. That scene is interesting because the discussion is not about scorpions or the like, but about the belief in a Demon Bull (hinted at by Dr. Ramos at the destroyed house) the peasants are blaming the destruction on. I suppose if the movie had been called anything but The Black Scorpion, we could have been dealing with a bait and switch monster. Two short scenes are cut with the telephone linesmen. An establishing scene as the Doctors are heading towards San Lorenzo, were it is revealed how isolated and cut off the town is after the volcano appearance. And, the attack of the scorpions on the linemen is longer in the original as well.

Watchability: 5 of 5. A very good 50’s ‘big bug’ movie. The script and acting aren’t completely outshined by the special effects. The leads are people of some talent and the writing mostly makes sense. Even Juanito can’t ruin this one. Defiantly will watch again and again.

Missing the Riffs: 5 of 5. Didn’t miss the SOL crew one bit. I actually prefer the full version.

At Club MST3K (a place you really should frequent if you are a Mistie) one of the users posted this ‘mixedtape’ of various songs featured in the show. Some are Host segments, some are riffed versions from episodes and some are just the actual factual songs. A bit over an hour, give it a listen, won’t you!

One of the side benefits of this project is it gets me out of my usual ‘rotation’ of MST3K episodes and viewing ones I rarely watch. The Deadly Bees is one of those episodes. It is a strong episode, but seems to have limited access at times. I try to watch an ep 1-3 times before watching the unriffed version. I’ve been overloading on The Deadly Bees the past few days. I needed to give this one an extra spin or two. I can only imagine how many times I’ll have to give Space Travelers to remember the riffing.

I think the main reason is I skip by this one is I confuse the title with Invasion of the Bee Girls, I don’t know why. Something to do with bees, because they are nowhere near each other in other respects. I look for 70’s style sirens and a Mid-60’s Brit thriller seems like such a letdown.

I do remember a spate of ‘killer bee’ movies in the 1970’s, but this apparently wasn’t one of them.

Whose Afraid of Virgina Woolf? meets The Birds via Scooby-Doo. There is a fine line between clever and stupid, and this one spun out of control early and never got on track. And at such a languid pace. Being out of control should be at least exciting. Another unlikeable group of people, all miserable and doing their best to make everyone else miserable. Vicki (Suzanna Leigh) Robbins is an ok ‘curious outsider’ but no one else gives much. The best performance is from the announcer of the Television show.

Did you know the pub owner was the constable?

Not a whole lot cut for the MST3K version. Nothing that would help the movie out at least. Two extended scenes cut for the SOL are Manfred at the pub sowing seeds of doubt about Hargrove and Manfred teaching Vicki about the ‘new species’ of bees he found. Both didn’t really add anything. A chunk of time setting up the inquest, with a sidebar with the two ministry officials doing a crossword, was also cut. They just made the movie longer and this movie didn’t need to be any longer.

It is like Hargrove travels by jump cuts from the Pub to the beehive fire.

Given the era this movie was made, these are some of the worst effects I’ve ever seen. At least paint the flies to look like bees. The ‘swarm’ footage is laughable.

With the nightmare sequence and the mad villain confession sequence, we have to watch this movie twice! The lack of adherence to any kind of real time frame or internal consistency makes it even harder to look past the other flaws in the movie.

Obligatory mention of Ronnie Wood playing guitar for the Birds in the opening.

Just think, the Ministry guys are there only to set up the unfunny bowler man joke. Manfred isn’t the kind of killer to send letters to the police, he just wants his limited revenge or whatever. I’d rather have rock climbing for padding than an overlong poorly told joke.

This is a movie which doesn’t need help looking foolish.

Watchabilty: 1 of 5. Dull, dull, dull. This could be a passable thriller, an exotic murder weapon, cat and mouse games, snooping around with cameras. No life at all from any of the actors a real waste of an idea. Dreadful.

Missing the Riffs: 1 of 5. Really this movie was made for MST3K: poorly done in almost every way. There is really nothing enjoyable about this movie without the riffs.

I wish I understood Spanish, because I would like to know how different the story is or isn’t in the original language. That comes up with the Japanese movies too. Well, I’ll do the best I can with the English language version. I have to work on the assumption this is a faithful translation.

I was never really into American wrestling. I would watch with friends, and knew the big stars, but I probably haven’t watched more than 10 minutes of it over the last 25 years. El Santo (Samson’s real fake name) was a legendary wrestler in Mexico, spawning movies and comic books. I suppose this is akin to a Jon Cena or Rock action movie. El Santo was nearly 30 years into his career when this movie was made and would finally retire in the early 80’s.

It isn’t healthy to just keep telling your daughter she’s imagining things. Way to undermine the girl’s sense of self.

Scenes cut for MST3K include: The Doctor recording a message to Samson and a Tag Team Wrestling match. A very long tag team match. Samson’s team wins and he then dishes out another whupping when the losers rush him. And then after waiting for a few moments the crowd enters the ring and hoist Samson upon their shoulders. And there is additional wrestling around the Samson/Vampire bout that is cut as well. I’m not complaining about that.

There is very little cut for the SOL. The odd jumps, the quick entrances by Santos these are all in the original.

I would have more respect for the Doctor if he was a vampire hunter, not a vampire waiter. People offer to help and he won’t do anything but let the prophecy happen. Sometime you should make your own destiny. But no, he’s got to be a gloomy Gus about everything.

I’m so glad voice acting has improved over the years. There isn’t a whole lot of acting, just voice. I suppose there is a bit of a story here, but the dubbing is very distracting. Oddly (or maybe not, I don’t know copyright law) the song in the nightclub is sung in Spanish, not the dub of the MST3K version.

Why did the crowd panic when the lights went off? Why did the Vampires lay Diana down for Samson to save? Why do vampires always forget about sun up (for that matter, why do they bother with basement windows)? There are lots of actions and choices in this film that make no sense in any language.

Scary words before any wrestling match: “No time limit.”

Way way too much wrestling and it is really in only two segments, the tag team and vampire match. I have a feeling Racket Girls will feel like this. I suppose there is a passable vampire story in this movie but I just can’t see it for all the Samson.

Watchablity: 1 of 5. I did not need the over long wrestling scenes. I get why they are there and that the person who paid for a ticket to this movie expected wrestling. I would rather have a better vampire story.

Missing the Riffs: 1 of 5. The MST3K version has cut out the wrestling and little else. It is a much better watch that way. A movie that the MST3K cuts actually help.

This is an odd watch to get through. There isn’t enough time to tell the story. There is no sympathy for The Creeper (Rondo Hatton). And there is the uncomfortable knowledge about the parallels in life between Rondo and the Creeper.

This is one of the few times I wished a movie had a little more time to work with. Run time 59 minutes. So many things needed some fleshing out, not that I think the people behind this film could have effectively added 10-20 minutes to the story.

Definitely a movie where you spend most of your time thinking what could be improved.

So, Hal Moffit was a jerk with anger management and we’re surprised he turned out mean? Knowing the story of Rondo Hatton (he died a few months after finishing this movie) I really wanted to have a connection, some feeling for The Creeper. Maybe they thought Helen (Jane Adams) Paige could add a human element to the Creeper (This is the 3rd of Rondo’s movies where he plays a murderer named the Creeper, sort of how Tor Johnson was seemingly always Lobo!) but it just doesn’t work. Again, more time with Helen and Hal might have helped build more sympathy.

More likely, Rondo was malformed enough to look like a monster, but not talented enough to play one.

There is an exploitative air around this movie and not in a good way.

Watchability: 1 of 5. Not a good movie and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t think I’ll watch unriffed ever again.

Missing the Riffs: 1 of 5. Mike and the Bots are needed for this one, trust me.

Stuff cut for MST3K includes: An extended scene where a gas station attendant tells Cook and Landis about Cuba (real secret invasion plan) and a grocery list is read. Griffith is shown under the tarp sweating profusely. Few minutes here and there at the training camp. Makes Griffith more of a jerk. Extended training bit cut for clarity. Some dirt thrown on dead bodies in Cuba cut from the SOL.

You know, it’s almost 20 minutes before Coleman speaks.

Why did they cut the covert soldiers sailing through a marina on what looks to be a big fishing boat (but I don’t know boats)? That’s pure gold!

The invasion took longer to fail, and I think there was traffic in the background.

The attack on the old man is a bit more ‘violent’ in the full version. There is a poor overdub of dialogue when he is being attacked. And then . . . well, Griffith is a depraved man. Be thankful for some cuts, it was a ‘family’ show after all.

They did just park the car to hop a train! At least you could make an argument for most decisions, not that one. Fight sequence between Landis and Griffith trimmed down.

This version doesn’t have the end narration (“A penny and a broken cigarette”), copyright hits again.

This to me is almost a perfect BLC movie. A grand premises, recurring themes, a certain ingenuity when dealing with the budget, bait and switch star, something actually shocking, and-oddly enough-passion. There is not a moment in any of these three movies that isn’t entirely Coleman Francis. Of all the movies I thought I would never see uncut, Monster A-Go Go and Red Zone Cuba were 1 and 2. The reaction to seeing them was different kinds of joy. MAGG for being exactly what I thought it would be and RZC for giving me more than I expected.

I’m so glad the SOL put these movies out there. The total Coleman Francis experience was something else, like looking into the soul of a madman disguised as an artist. There is something about the dark cynicism at the heart of all these films that appeals to me. Coleman had his finger on something about the human condition, or maybe just his, which he wanted the world to know. Maybe someday, I’ll understand what he had to say.

Watchability: 3 of 5. Not for everyone. The cut scenes help a bit, but they mainly shows us how low Griffith has sunk in his life. Again, this gets bonus points for Coleman Francis and the loooong wait to finally see it.

Missing the Riffs: 3 of 5. Another instance where I could watch either version and be happy.

I was in college. It was late, and Paul suggested playing a MST3K tape. It was The Skydivers. “Coleman Francis,” Paul said matter-of-factly, “he directed Beast of Yucca Flats.”

A bolt of lightning from the past hit me. Tor drew me in, but it was Coleman Francis who was the man behind the camera. It was one of those times I was trying to watch the movie in spite of the riffing. (You can imagine my further joy when I found out about the existence of Red Zone Cuba). Tonight is my first unriffed viewing of the movie.

Some very minor cut scenes missing (picnicking families, that sort of thing) and some of the skydiving is pared down by a few minutes at least. Seems like the procurement of the acid takes a little longer than in the episode, but thankfully nothing exceedingly tawdry is shown. It is still unpleasant to watch, but I guess Coleman liked her. The only big chunk removed for MST3K are a few minutes before the dance party with Coleman refusing his daughter’s request to learn skydiving leading to an extending waving sequence. A quick scene were a witness ids the slut and her boyfriend was cut for the SOL. The ‘hunt’ for the slut and boyfriend was cut short too. The Jimmy Bryant segments do not appear to have been cut

This movie is so much better than Yucca Flats. It is better from a technical aspect, and there is more of a story. Having sound helps. And Jimmy Bryant’s music does rock.

Was Coleman trying to have some of that ‘beach movie’ cutaway humor? If the implied tension was actually there, I could see needing the humor, but Coleman out Ed Woods Ed Wood. His vision, his words, his everything.

It is all Coleman’s movie, and he still tells it wrong. The man had fixations: light aircraft, coffee, skydiving, shooting people from the air even if you don’t know who it is, leaving corpses where they lay. If I was a smarter man, I would say these three movies could tell all you ever wanted to know about Coleman Francis. His hope and fears in a little over 3 hours.

And yes, the credits do roll silently along.

Watchabilty: 3 of 5. It is such an improvement from this first film. Maybe the overall best of the three. I give it an extra point for my Coleman Francis fascination.

Missing the Riffs: 4 of 5. Didn’t need the SOL, but I waited a long time to see it, so factor that in.

Note: I’m watching the version without the 19 second nude scene. The full version (if you really need to see the boobies for ‘integrity’) is available at archive.org. The edited version is usually the one in the budget bins/collections.

The ‘making of’ this movie is a fascinating story. This interview http://www.bmonster.com/profile37.html with Producer/Actor Anthony Cardoza (in addition to the 3 Francis films, he produced/acted in The Hellcats.) does a better job than I ever could. Be aware, the Coleman Francis story didn’t have a happy ending.

It’s all Tor Johnson’s fault.

I was an Ed Wood fan. Bride of the Monster, Glen or Glenda, Plan 9 From Outer Space. Loved them, as well as the B-movies (that’s what I thought all pre-1970 scifi/horror was) on the Early Show and Late Late Show. But I was at the video store in 1984, probably That’s Rentertainment, when I saw the VHS. Tor Johnson in a non-Ed Wood movie? The idea blew my mind.

I thought I knew what a b-movies were. Thought I had seen low budget films. Thought I knew how to define ‘cult’ movie. The Beast of Yucca Flats changed everything. Now I was lucky to live in a university town with a great rental story. There was a whole new wall of choices for me. Midget Westerns! Jungle Capers! Well Oiled Hercules! Rubber Monsters! The Cor-Man! The Ro-Man! Heck, they even had a 1970 movie called Bigfoot, staring John Caradine and produced by Antony Cardoza! (or maybe I have my Bigfoot movies mixed up)

But nothing else by Coleman Francis. His name never showing up in the Monster Movie mags and Zines of my day. The Beast was always ‘that Tor Johnson’ movie. Hell, I probably couldn’t tell you who directed the movie. I just assumed this was his one shot and, it didn’t go too well. After all, who would let him make another movie?

But I was wrong, it wasn’t Tor Johnson’s film. It wasn’t Tor Johnson that changed everything for me. It was Coleman Francis. I just didn’t know it yet.

Almost a decade later I finally found out.

Watchabilty: 1 of 5. It is in the discussion for worst movie ever. Definitely in Monster A-Go Go, The Creeping Terror range. Never trust a movie that’s narrated (except Blade Runner). A big movie in terms of my development as a fan.

Missing the Riffs: 3 of 5. I like both versions, don’t make me choose.