Emma McGowan

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5 Tips on How to Use a Vibrator During Sex (And Love It)

Vibrators are most famous for solo play, but did you know they can be used during sex, too?

Think about it — if your favorite vibe brings you to earsplitting orgasms, imagine what it can do when it’s in the hand of someone who seriously turns you on...

The equation is simple: Vibrator plus hottie equals hell yes.

Women who sleep with cisgender men might find that their partners are resistant to using a toy at first. Unfortunately, a lot of dudes have internalized the idea that if a woman needs a vibrator, he’s somehow not “enough.”

Newsflash: A really (really) high percentage of women need an extra hand — or vibrator — to get them over the edge during partnered sex. While recent discoveries of the full shape of the clitoris prove that all orgasms are clitoral orgasms, a lot of women and people with vaginas need direct stimulation to the head of the clit in order to orgasm.

As sex advice guru Dan Savage loves to say, vibrators are a tool. If you built a house, no one would would say it was actually built by a hammer, would they?

So that’s the general stuff. But what about the specifics? Here are five ways you can use a vibrator during sex.

(Note: This piece is mainly for women who are looking to incorporate vibrators into partnered sex with cisgender men. However, some tips are certainly applicable to all genders.)

1. Make it part of foreplay.

You can use a vibrator the same way — and in the same places — that you’d use your hands during foreplay. Have your partner buzz you through your underwear to get going, then move on to direct contact with your clit and vulva.

If your partner is a guy, circle it around his thighs until you reach his perineum (the part between the balls and the anus) and give him a kind of stimulation he maybe hasn’t experienced before.

2. Put it between your bodies.

A point that can be kind of tricky is when you’re having penetrative sex. How do you use a vibrator when the space between you is tight and everything is moving around?

One way is to get on top and place the vibe between your bodies, nestled against your clit. The Minna Limón is fun for this position because it increases vibes when you press on it, which means the motion of your body will make it pulse. It is round, however, so it might roll away!

Another way is to get into “reverse cowgirl” position, which is you on top, with your back facing toward your partner’s head.

This leaves his hands free to reach around and hold the vibe on your clit or for you to hold the vibe against your clit without the difficulty of working your hand down between your bodies.

3. Or get one you can wear.

If you’re finding it hard to hold onto a vibrator when you’re having sex, there are some options for wearable vibes. A particularly cool one is the Eva by Dame, which sits inside your labia and is held in place by “wings.” It’s an innovative design but just beware — it doesn’t necessarily fit all bodies. However, even if it won’t stay in place in your vulva, the design is still slim enough to be unobtrusive between your and your partner’s bodies.

Another option is the Tryst from Doc Johnson, which can be worn as a cock ring, providing both testicular and clitoral stimulation during penetration.

4. Incorporate it into oral.

You can also place a vibrator on your cheek when you’re giving a blowjob, which will transfer some of that buzzing feeling onto your partner’s penis. Or, if that feels too weird, apply it to his balls, perineum, and anus for extra stimulation.

He'll love it.

5. Use it for nipple play.

Vibrators aren’t just for genitals!

If you like nipple play, you’ll definitely like using a vibe there, too. Try it out on your partner or have him/her try it out on you for especially stimulating nipple play during foreplay or intercourse.