A friend sent me a Save The Date email about an event on new years eve. The email doesn't ask for a response or RSVP to the email, but I saw something on EHell about having to reply to a Save The Date to get an invite to the actual event. I'm a little unclear here if there is an unwritten rule that I'm somehow assumed to already know.

Am I expected to respond, even though a reponse is not asked for in the email?

(Ultimately, I may not be going due to a scheduling clash, so I'm unsure if I should just not respond to the notification or if I'm supposed to wait for an actual invite before I decline.)

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It's best to love your family as you would a Siberian Tiger - from a distance, preferably separated by bars . -- Pearls Before Swine (16-May-2009)

Congrats! You are an A-lister for having received the Save-the-Date. If you know at this point that you will be unable to attend, please inform the host(s). This will allow them to either start firming up the guest list or add someone else to the A-list in your place. Since it came by email, a response will let the host(s) know that you received it. I don't know of any hard and fast rules regarding Save-the-Date, but I'd respond anyway.

A save-the-date does not require a response. It is not an invitation, but rather a notification as to the existence and the scheduling of an event. It is a promise that an invitation is forthcoming. Usually they're used for big events like weddings, but I suppose it makes sense for a NYE party since people do like to know what they're doing and often buy expensive tickets for things like that. Unless you absolutely know for sure that you can't go, just don't reply. Wait until you receive the actual invitation and then RSVP. Even if I thought I wouldn't be able to go, I wouldn't respond to a save-the-date because plans change and if you respond negatively to the save-the-date, they won't send you an invitation. Keep your options open.

It seems to me that it would make sense to reply to a Save The Date card/email if you already *know* you cannot make it. If you're being advised of a wedding in August, say, and you've already booked the Cruise Of A Lifetime which will include that date. Letting the hosts know that you won't be able to make it will allow them to adjust their guest list accordingly.

Otherwise, there's no need to reply. It's information to allow you to plan ahead if the event you're being informed of is a priority for you.

I would not respond, especially if you don't know yet. I also think this is bizarre. I've seen STD's for non wedding events, but not 5 weeks prior! That's when you send the invites.

I agree that she's probably doing an A List/B List thing, and I don't have a problem with these when it's 6 months in the future. Why can't she just send invites and do her A List/B List once the responses come in?

I would not respond, especially if you don't know yet. I also think this is bizarre. I've seen STD's for non wedding events, but not 5 weeks prior! That's when you send the invites.

I agree that she's probably doing an A List/B List thing, and I don't have a problem with these when it's 6 months in the future. Why can't she just send invites and do her A List/B List once the responses come in?

To be honest, I'm pretty sure I'm just filler for her guest quota. She's basically ignored my existance for much of the year and suddenly invited me to two things in the next couple of weeks. I think her usual A-list attendees are out of town for the holidays so now I've been moved out of relegation to the main league tables. Lucky me.

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It's best to love your family as you would a Siberian Tiger - from a distance, preferably separated by bars . -- Pearls Before Swine (16-May-2009)

2) if you are positive you will not attend, it is extra considerate to let the hosts know that so that they can plan better. And if your own sister's wedding or your transfer to Tokyo get called off, you can always call and say "Good news -- I'll be able to be at your wedding after all," as long as it's before the invitations would have gone out. By the same reasoning, if you are sure you will come (as sure as anyone can be, of course -- you don't know if you'll get sick or something), nice to let them know that, too. We have already gotten a couple of surprises regarding people's plans in both directions for our daughter's wedding this summer after the magnets went out. (The magnets didn't say anything about responding, but some people did anyway.)

And I would add that whether or not you know your plans, it's nice to let people know you got the thing and share their excitement. My daughter is so happy anytime anyone sends an email or text saying something like "We got the magnet! It's adorable. They look so much in love. " You will really warm their hearts.

Oh, and if they have a wedding website where you can leave a greeting, that also makes them really happy.