Wednesday, 18 January 2012

A friendly troll

This is a really hard post to write, In fact I think I have written and deleted the first paragraph about four times now.

Deep breathe and try again.

As a blogger I get invited to launches and press days quite a lot these days. I'm not bragging, it's just a statement of fact.

And my instant reaction to each invite is to immediately turn it down flat.

My problem is that I suffer from incredibly crippling shyness. The thought of meeting lots of amazing bloggers at an event fills me with such horror that I can turn almost rigid with fear.

Put me at a computer and I have an opinion on everything, I am loud, (hopefully funny) bossy and extremely opinionated. I write a good game,

(I'm like a friendly troll. One who uses her skills for good rather than evil)

But put me in a real life situation? Yeah, I'm the one vomiting in a corner.

Are you surprised by my admission?

I may come across as a confident person on my blog, but I always feel that in real life I will be a disappointment to people, I'm not going to be falsely modest here, I KNOW I can write. but I don't think I translate as well in real life. I'm a short little fat bird who desperately tries to melt in to the background because I think no-one would be interested in what I have to say.

I turn down events, I put off meeting incredible people and for that I apologise. (We must do lunch is probably my most over-used sentence ever) I really do want to meet people, and be a part of the blogging community, I just can't seem to get over that first hurdle of fear, so I isolate myself and I know that end the end the invites will tail off and I will have no-one to blame but myself.

I can't attend events in the evening at the moment as my family comes first but I have made a promise to myself that this is the year I need to overcome this shyness if I want to carry on.

I don't want to be a friendly troll anymore. I want to meet people and overcome my fears. (And not get to the door and then run away sobbing which believe it or not I have done before at a press day-silly cow)

I AM making a start. I have agreed to give a talk at Cybher UK in a couple of months and later on today I am doing something fun that as soon as I can, I will be telling you all about.

It's go BIG or go home.

I'm throwing myself in at the deep end.

And hopefully not throwing up in the deep end as well.

So share with me, does anyone else feel the same way? Or has anyone out there overcome their shyness?

25 comments

Hey (new reader here)!I've been to one press launch so far...and then PR co. messed me about for the next so their emails get deleted now. When I got my first invite, I was scared. I thought bloggers were trendy social butterflies - not people like me who have big balls on the ether but no mouth in person. It's likely thatI'll feel the same again next time, but saying 'yes' instead of 'no' really does open up exciting opportunities. Good luck :)

I know exactly what you are saying. I suffer from shyness quite badly. I have even had panic attacks at social events. Not fun.

Most people I tell about my shyness laugh. They think it's not possible. You see, I talk a lot when I'm nervous, but that is because I'm sure. And so to everyone else it looks like I'm social and confident but in fact I'm dying inside.

Keep saying yes and keep meeting people. I went to Blogcamp last year and only spoke to 2 people. And that was only because they came to speak to me. Otherwise I hid in the corner on my iphone, hoping no-one would see me. But one of the people who spoke to me is now my Editor for Domestic Sluttery. So it was totally worth it in the end.

Like you, I hope that this year I will go to more events and maybe learn how to 'network'. Maybe we can be shy together?

x.x.x

(p.s. I wrote about my scary networking experience on my blog too http://www.rosalilium.com/2011/05/fear-of-networking-2/)

It's so easy to have an online persona and interact via the medium of 140 characters. Doing the same thing, with the same level of confidence in person can be hard, especially when you're in a room of very beautiful and confident women.

But then again, you're doing some public speaking = one of the hardest things ever. That to me is more impressive than the ability o make small talk over a canape.

Confidence can be taught. Fake it til you make it, and all that. I dont like going to blog events on my own, but over time, if you go to enough, there are always people you recognise and can chat to. Its worth remembering that sometimes other people can be just as shy and would love you to make the first move in conversation.

I am exactly like that...crushingly shy :( On the internet I'll talk to anybody but in real life I'd rather gouge out my eyes than talk to strangers (or even fairly new friends). It's a wonder I have any actual friends at all (the ones I do have are just very patient). The first time I had to give a talk at work, I had to get medication from the doctor just so I could get through it without dropping dead out of sheer fright. But I will say this... it does get better with time and experience. I've given lots of talks at work now and even high powered ones to high up government members and whilst I still fill my pants every time, it's a lot easier now than that first time was. Good luck hun, it's nice to know I'm not the only one!!

I will be bricking it too when I get invited to our next event. Sometimes forcing myself (read: get someone to boot me up the arse) is the only way I get around these situations. And do you know what? When you get there you will be thinking "What on earth was I so worried about....this is really nice and I am enjoying it."

hi, I've always been incredibly shy also but if you have a good reason to oevercome it (and it sounds like you do) then you will! Just keep reminding yourself that evryone in self-conscious, we're all insecure and people generally are paying far too much attention to themselves to really notice anyone else!

I feel your pain. I am a total outsider: I am foreign (South African), living in a small village a good 1.5hrs away from the "Big City". And two small kids don't help with the "sociable" hours of blogger events. Oh And I don't like the sound of my voice, so I imagine that other people wouldn't either.

So I decided to just build my name first and when the kids are older, I will be able to go out and enjoy my notoriety :)

Massive hugs to you.These feelings can be so dehabilitating so it's great you're taking positive steps towards changing - fair bloody play!I obviously don't go out when i do I'm on the verge of a panic attack the whole time but I am trying this year.Best of luck with whatever you try to do missis you'll get there ;)Ps you're blimmin' gawgus right!?

Oh, you made me want to reach into my computer and hug you! Mainly because I totally and completely sympathise, mainly because I'm not quite as confident in real life as I am online. I'll no doubt be bricking it anytime I go to an event, because so many new people and unfamillar settings really do set me off.

But the one way I've started to overcome my shyness is to just face it....if I feel nervous about something, or like I'd just want to say no, I make myself do it. I've found that by being brave, the pay-off is so much more....not only do you get the enjoyment of whatever it was, but also that feeling of having made a small step towards something.

Its really hard to tackle our own insecurities, but the only way to do it is to keep plowing on....I'm probably a little further down the road than you, but I promise that the more you put yourself out there, the easier it will be.

Lots of love for you, you lovely thing....I'm sure that its something that you'll get to grips with eventually...just be patient with yourself and give it time....it will all come out in the wash!

I know just how you feel. I remember a couple of years ago when I was invited to my first blog event, I wasn't able to attend but I remember thinking I'd never accept an invitation because I was far too shy. A couple of months later and I decided to just embrace it and face the fear. I felt sick with nerves but of course it wasn't nearly as scary as I'd imagined and I had so much fun. It's no longer a problem now although I don't think I'd ever pluck up the courage to walk in to an event alone! x

I know that none of the words here will change the way that you feel but speaking at Cybher is ultimately a step in the right direction!I promise to personally look after you and shower you with copious amounts of gin when its all over.You will be awesome. You are awesome and that is why I asked you to speak. I don't just have any old speakers you know!Until May - here is a big fat hug!

one big hug coming your way. But i know how you feel, because im the same or even worse. I'm loud and chatty when it comes to msn, blogging, tweeting or FB spamming, But in real life i freeze up and stay in the corner or sit silently and listen/watch others having fun and talking. I hope that one day i get over my social fear.

I've been shy, in the past. It made me feel inadequate and quite miserable. These days I act confident (even if I'm dying a little inside) and then the confidence seems to flow, conversing with strangers gets easier and it's not so bad.

I got invited to an event last night and bottled it, and am meant to be going to one at the end of the month but not sure I can do it. I have confidence issues with going shopping sometimes (love my ipod!) so now I have started getting invites I am cacking it :(

Virtual hugs! I won a competition recently to go to a fab event and be pampered and I backed out at the last minute. Deep down I KNOW I can get on with almost anyone, but I do fear being judged, and that puts me off meeting new people. I think in any situation like this the best thing to try to believe is that most people are lovely. At least, that's what I'll try to tell myself if a situation like that arises again x

I was invited to an amazing event - My blog is quite small so I was amazed and excited, but found myself making excuses. The excuses were legit, but the amount of things I bum off revision for, this was nothing else. Cept it was, I was terrified nobody would talk to me, or I'd stand there like a plum!

Big big hugs! It's a hideous thing to be so shy you'd rather be a hermit and hide away. You just have to put on an act. I learned how to do it from working in bars where there is a nice barrier between you and them so you are safe.

Just put on something nice, do your face and hair and pin on a smile. Easy to say, hard to do. And I know it's a cliche but everyone else is in the same boat and will be hugely releived if you talk to them first. Good luck!

Your shyness certainly doesn't come over on your blog or Twitter presence, but can completely understand the shyness in RL as opposed to online presence. I am so much braver online than in person. Well done for taking the plunge last night (saw the photo you Tweeted - gorgeous!) - and talking of plunge, what was the make of that bra?! I could do with one of those LOL @cake17uk

I am sending big hugs too (altho you have rather a lot of them to get through, I understand - let's do lunch instead lol). It's kind of unrelated, but I am suffering the same thing in my personal life. I was always outspoken at work, I felt truly comfortable holding my own in meetings with senior management and saying my bit etc, and now I am on maternity leave, and have spent seven months trying to work up the courage to attend a mum and baby group because I feel so completely out of my depth as a mother! So I can kinda appreciate what you're going through. If you wanna come take my little one to one of these groups for me, I'll happily speak at the conventions for you haha.xxx

I am sending big hugs too (altho you have rather a lot of them to get through, I understand - let's do lunch instead lol). It's kind of unrelated, but I am suffering the same thing in my personal life. I was always outspoken at work, I felt truly comfortable holding my own in meetings with senior management and saying my bit etc, and now I am on maternity leave, and have spent seven months trying to work up the courage to attend a mum and baby group because I feel so completely out of my depth as a mother! So I can kinda appreciate what you're going through. If you wanna come take my little one to one of these groups for me, I'll happily speak at the conventions for you haha.xxx

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