Roller Derby Whatnots: Recaps, Book Signing, and Wine

Bella Constrictor (right) angles to put the move on a Smokin' Ashes skater, while Headache (left) prepares to jam past.

Gape at lots more sweaty fun with Masonite Burn's shots from last weekend's roller derby bouts at the Oaks Park Hangar. They are stellar, as always. Hit the jump for some brief recaps of the battles between Portland's Heartless Heathers and Bend's Smokin' Ashes, and a double header between all four of Portland's Rose City Rollers junior derby home teams. (Or, you know look at fictional roller derby from the 1970s, that's fun too. Different, but fun. Here.)

Sunday, you can head over to the Mount Scott Community Center Skating Rink (a place that Steve calls the Wild West of Roller Rinks) for the book launch party for Roller Derby for Beginners. This sounds like the most fun book signing ever... because it has free roller-skating! Written by retired roller derby player Frisky Sour, this succinct and helpful guide to dipping your toes into the bruise-covered sport of derby is a delightful read—humorous, thoughtful, and encouraging. Bring money for a copy of the Kickstarter-funded book ($15), because the skating is free, and the door prizes are numerous. Book launch and signing, Mount Scott Community Center (5530 SE 72nd), Sunday, 6-8 pm, free

Dynamic Heathers duo, Shredher Cheese and Tatty Munster, right before they put the hurt on Bend's jammer.

Friday's fundraising bout was full of aggressive hits. Like, a lot of 'em. The Heathers got the upper hand out of the gate, but Bend was well within striking distance halfway through the first half. But by halftime, the Heathers were up 148-81. Bend kept their heads high, as the Heathers confidently raked in points by the fistful, even after losing two of their best blockers—Mistress of the Knife and French Tickler. During the latter half of the game, the Heathers brought out their second-string jammers and hammered home their resounding win. Final: Heartless Heathers 249, Bend's Smokin' Ashes 155.

Then there was Saturday's junior derby double-header. (Go see junior roller derby when you get a chance! It's full of boundless enthusiasm, hard hits, and the toughest gals you'll ever see.) The Death Scar Derby Droids attempted to blow up the Rainbow Bites' homeworld, but the Force wasn't on their side. When I say, the Force, I mean star player Jesus Feist. Give that girl a medal, she's hell on wheels. Helped by some sneaky jamming from Small Fox (The Epidemic) and a crush of points from Wikispeedia, the Bites prevailed. Final: Rainbow Bites 237, Death Scar Derby Droids 151.

The second bout was much closer, separated by a mere 21 points at halftime, but the Little Red Riveters pulled out the win from the zombies on the Undead Avengers. Final: Riveters 233, Undead Avengers 187. All the skaters were exhausted by the end, but the Riveters, who were down players and using many guest skaters from the previous game, looked particularly wearied but stoked about their win.