Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 14

IF SOMEONE IS UNABLE TO MAKE OUT YOUR CHARACTER, THEY WILL LOOK AT YOUR FRIENDS

Just like your clothes, your apartment, your hairstyle etc your friends are an extension of you. It is a very accurate ruler to measure what someone is like by the kind of people they attract or the kind of people they are attracted to. Yeah yeah yeah we shouldn’t judge, but in reality, we all do. On one level or another.

HOLD UP ON THAT FOUNDATION GIRL

I swear to God, young teenage girls single handily keep the cosmetic industry in business with the amount of foundation they pack onto their young, fresh faces. As you get older you definitely start to wear less or maybe you are just able to afford better brands, I don’t know. The thing is, the more you wear, the more you make people curious as to what is going on under all that gunk. Sometimes it is smeared on so thick you could probably write your name in it with your fingernail. I think when you are younger you tend to stand closer to the mirror than is absolutely necessary, so obviously you will see the odd flaw or two, but in reality, is that really how close you stand in front of people? Unless you’re a creep. Listen my petals, you only need a little. And maybe spend a bit more on a product that will give you some coverage but won’t look like you’ve used a roller to put it on? You need the right colour too, and you need to blend it into your jaw line. How many girls do you see with a different colour face compared to the rest of their body? Yeah, you know who you are. If you pour cement over weeds, they will still grow through.

I AM A BIG BELIEVER IN BUTTONS

I know. Random right? The next time you are at a school fete or car boot sale, look for those little old ladies who are selling things out of their sewing kits and rummage for some unusual buttons. If you are in a second hand store, look for interesting buttons on shirts, even if the shirt is tacky – buy it for the buttons. Go to your nearest haberdashery and find some winners there too. (I do have a point here, just give me a chance) Now you know that very uninteresting jacket that you haven’t worn in ages? Put some new dope buttons on to it to breathe some fresh life into it. The most boring beigest item can look uber fresh with some interesting accessories attached to it. It’s the icing on the cake. I once had this little black cotton blazer that was super cute but it had some nasty black plastic generic buttons, I replaced them with new ones that were big gold lion faces. Voila! Tres chic non?

IF YOU FINALLY WORKED UP THE COURAGE TO MESSAGE YOUR CRUSH AND HE REPLIES WITH A ‘WHO’S THIS?’ – IT’S NOT A GOOD SIGN

The dude didn’t even think it was worth saving your number! Do not even reply to a ‘who’s this?’ message unless you are replying with ‘your mum’. Your phone number should be regarded the same as the winning lottery numbers…anyone who gets it, should consider themselves a lucky mother fucker.