Thursday, June 29, 2006

Bear with me for a second...I want to bring down the house lights a bit and talk serious with youse guys. I promise to make fun of the Asians, the Jews and the gays later.

The incredible edible editors over at the always rational National Review Online are calling for the revocation of the New York Times' press credentials after it published information on a secret government program to track terrorist financing around the world.

Never mind the conservative Wall Street Journal and not-so-conservative Los Angeles Times also posted stories about the same program, the NRO felt compelled to single out those brash New Yorkers. I guess they don't go straight for Arts & Leisure, nor do their significant others check out the Magazine.

The Wastoid Idiocy known as the United States Congress is taking this rebuke one step further. House Republicans are now expected to pass a resolution condemning these traitors and also politely request the return of their credentials. Turkey-Necked Speaker Dennis Hastert was quick to mangle a cliché in order to make an illogically half-baked and entirely silly point: "Loose lips kill American people." Thank you, Mr Speaker. I always thought loose lips indicated sluttiness.

So I pose this question to the straight-arrow editorial board over at the NRO and the hilariously incompetent House Republicans: We're willing to ban the Grey Lady from the press room but we'll allow the presence of Gay Lady?

This military-escortin' cum dumpster to the left here had never written an article in his life, didn't even supply his real name and "worked" for that storied news outlet called Talon News. Yet somehow the never hypocritical White House granted Jeff Gannon credentials to many presidential press conferences, and when he wasn't calling himself "Bulldog" and servicing our servicemen, just about every press briefing to which he could make it. Yeah, this situation sounds about right.

Those articles don't make us any less safe. Those terrorist fuckfaces knew we tracked their funding, and they likely knew exactly how we did it. What makes us less safe is when the media doesn't ask the right questions and we end up starting a war that creates a larger insurgency than before. That makes us less safe. Congress spending time whining about the Times and not ferreting out the people that leaked the classified information? That makes us less safe.

Those dickbags inside The Beltway needs to admit to themsleves that the real problem here is the conflict between a corrupt and bought Congress and an increasingly steadfast media that finally got its Stella-like groove back. And that makes this administration and this Congress nervous, so they want to put some distance between themselves and the watchdogs.

To the NRO, to the House Republicans (that probably employ Gannon's services because they love fucking the American people in the arse as lubeless as possible), let's stop pretending the terrorists are sitting around reading the New York Times and changing their strategy based on this published information. Quit feigning this indignation. If anything, they're reading about Hagar the Horrible and cursing Will Shortz's name for a tougher-than-usual Tuesday puzzle.

Slack Link of the Day: Any article with a headline like "Awkward Moments Abound in Penis Pump Trial" is just aching to be read by the masses. Amazingly, this line -- "Over the past few days, the jurors have watched a defense attorney and a prosecutor pantomime masturbation..." isn't nearly the best part. The section about the murdered toddler's grandfather is much better.

Slack Video of the Day: EB sent this one up last night, so I'll let him explain: "Check out this TV news clip of Miami officials giving awards to Heat players. The laughs come about halfway through, when first a Miami city commissioner drops her award, which shatters and makes the players crack up. Then, Miami-Dade County Commissioner Barbara Jordan presents an award to team MVP "Wade Jones!" Propers to the TV station for sending a reporter to interview the real Wade Jones (a city housing employee) to test out his b-ball skillz."