Author
Topic: Locked inside my own head? (Read 191 times)

Hey Friends. I'll try to explain what i'm going through, but I think it's gonna be hard, because I can't even explain it to myself... Also, because English is not my language, so, sorry about my bad grammar. Well, I'm 20 y old and I really think that i'm dead inside, because i can't get out of my own mind. It started last year, when I saw some photos of myself when I was 15. With my old friends and stuff. I was a little chubby, but they are not bad memories. I like my past. But suddenly, the day after I saw these photos, I started with senseless obsessions that are triggered by everything that reminds of my past. I mean, everything. I saw a Dog on the street, that reminded me of the dog of my old friend, and booooom. I was anxious and frightened about it. Now, I can't hear ou read the word "DOG" itself, without feeling anxious and fighted. And starting a Loop inside my head about Dogs. Does it make Any sense? Problem is: It's not just the dogs. Right now i'm on a point where I can't think about Music, Movies, the color Purple itself (yes, because it was the favorite color of an old friend from the past), mousepads, youtube videos, etc etc. Pretty much everything. So, I'm practically LOCKED, TRAPED, inside my own mind. I Can't live the Present. I feel like i cant enjoy the things I used to. I feel like anything belongs to me anymore. Everything belongs to the past, or to my old friends. I think that's the worst disorder ever, and I don't know if there's 1 single person in the world who can understands what I said, and what the hell is wrong with me. I'm stucked inside my own mind. My brain owns me. I can't fight back. Someone please give me a light. This is "Pure-O"? I have no idea.

I'm sorry to hear about the troubles that you are going through. Quite frankly I think everyone here feels that they are going through something that is difficult for others to understand.

It kind of seems that you are obsessing over the past for some reason - was there something in that time that could've brought on this anxiety? Also, have you ever been diagnosed with any other illness (like depression or so)? Maybe you should speak to someone about these thoughts - a therapist or something? Before I was diagnosed with depression about 6 years ago I also had obsessive thoughts but they were different, but obsessive nonetheless. Good luck, I hope you get better.

I would ask if you fear the present time or the future? Maybe fear getting older. Thus you think of the past and how long ago it was and you see that years have slipped by. Either that or something happened in your past that is bringing back these memories. So which one is it? Do you mind getting older? Does the past seem like a long way away these days? Everything has a reason. So there has to be some reason why you are thinking of the past so much. Why it is an issue with you. Hence I am asking questions. Maybe you can fill in the blanks. We can make better sense of what is really going on.