Danna first used this blog to share news about her husband Mike's battle with a brain tumor. After Mike's death in July 06, the blog became Danna's place to process grief, reflect on the world, and share thoughts relating to her life and research on media and politics.

5.28.2007

Monday, May 28 - catching up

Just a moment to catch up...

The semester ended with a final exam in my large lecture class on Wednesday. And I attended UDel graduation (with Bax and Lonia who was in town for the long holiday weekend!) on Saturday. It was my first time attending graduation as a faculty member and it was really wonderful. I love my job. Bax was a hit, too. My seniors from my Media Effects class came over for dinner last friday, so several of them already knew the baxman -- so for him there were actually a lot of familiar faces. At the right is one of my students (who made me laugh during every class) Virgina. And don't let us fool you - the lil' guy in the pouffy hat is Baxter.

Here are a couple of sweet photos from my mother's day extravaganza with Susan and Baxter at Smith Memorial Playground and Playhouse near Fairmount Park. It is a fantastic place for kids - with this giant wooden slide that kids and adults both love! (see photos!)

Finally, I wanted to post a piece of writing that one of my students completed for her Magazine and Feature Writing Class. For her final paper, she asked if she could write a profile piece about me. The final piece is so well done I wanted to share it. And her professor was very pleased. She is quite a gifted writer for a junior in college. And, of course, I was flattered that she asked to write about me, but also fascinated to see myself from the perspective of one of my students. Now, for the record, I do not disclose my personal story to my large intro class (of 170 students). However, if they happen to visit my webpage or google me, it's not hard to find. That's how Ashley learned about Mike and came upon my blog.

By Ashley Williams, University of Delaware Junior Political Science/Journalism major. Final paper in Magazine and Feature writing

Students entering Dannagal Young’s Mass Communication and Culture class often find themselves listening to the latest Jack Johnson single or the not-yet-released Wilco album. In the large Purnell Hall lecture room, Young can usually be found bouncing between her laptop computer, the lights and sound console, and the projection room in an attempt to get the overhead projector to play a video clip she hopes to show in class.

As the 150-member class settles into their seats, the six-foot tall Young takes center stage with a big smile and a resounding “Hello!” Usually dressed in jeans and a feminine blouse, with her chin-length blonde hair Bobby-pinned near her hair’s part, Young doesn’t look much older than her students. During class, she encourages discussion, often calling on students by name, and she’s a devotee to utilizing various forms of media. Lectures range from PowerPoint slides to excerpts from “Frontline” episodes to clips from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. By using popular media, students find themselves laughing at the application of communication theories to celebrities such as Britney Spears and Anna Nicole Smith.

This is only her second semester as a member of the university’s faculty, but she has already co-hosted an event with political science Professor Michael Wagner and assisted with undergraduate research. Most notably, her passion for politics and the mass media is bringing a refreshingly new perspective to both the political science and communication departments.

“For a relatively young and new professor, if you talk to her one on one, she is perhaps one of the most intelligent people I know,” Matt Engler, a teaching assistant for Young’s Mass Communication and Culture class says. “Her ability to connect with students makes her a great professor.”

Sitting in her office though, one can see a different side of her personality. Situated on the second floor, in a back hallway of Pearson Hall, her office can be tricky to find. Like many other professors her door is decorated, revealing little nuances about her interests and personality. Homemade signs declaring “Dr. Young is in the House!” and political cartoons hang on the large green door, while fliers for improvisational comedy groups “Bad Hair” and “Comedysportz” fill in the window.

Inside, the office is spacious and clean. One wall is lined with tall bookcases filled with books about politics, communication theories and the media. A rosy-cheeked two-year-old boy smiles in nearly a dozen pictures displayed around the room and diplomas from the University of New Hampshire and the University of Pennsylvania hang above the desk.

In contrast to her classroom persona, Young now appears older than her 30 years might suggest, as if she has a past that many people know about, but don’t discuss.

Which is not too far from the truth.

A cell phone rings and spinning in her chair, Young grabs for it. “Oh no,” she says, catching a quick glimpse at the caller ID screen. “It’s daycare. Something must be wrong with Baxter.”

She answers with a friendly hello, and then emits a deflated sigh as she sinks into her chair. Her two-year-old son Baxter is running a temperature of 101.8 and needs to be picked up.

Hanging up the phone, she instantly enters into crisis mode. Eyeing the clock, she reopens the cell phone and begins flipping through her phone book. “Who can I call?” she mumbles, more to herself than anyone else in the room.

The first phone call is to her friend and neighbor.

“She is absolutely fabulous,” Young says. “She loves Baxter as if he is her own son.”

When she gets no response, she tries a few more numbers, but again comes up short with every call she makes. Frustration is mounting as she begins to mutter curse words under her breath and pinch the bridge of her nose in anguish.

“Think, think, think,” she murmurs. “Who else can I call?”

Eighteen months ago, she would have called her husband, Michael, to pick up Baxter and she would meet them at home once she finished teaching her morning class. This would have been an easy solution, because eighteen months ago, her husband would still have been alive.

Named after a county in Ireland, Dannagal Goldthwaite was born and raised in Hudson, New Hampshire, an average-sized town on the border of New Hampshire and Massachusetts. Summers were spent with her family in a tiny town (population: 468) in the Great Lakes region. “It was such a great way to grow up,” Young says. “Everyone knew who you were, you could ride your bike absolutely everywhere and it was just so safe. The whole place was practically idyllic, very Norman Rockwell.”

A self-proclaimed dork, Young loved high school, where she got her first taste of the media and politics by writing for the school newspaper and participating in mock government. “I always wanted to go into politics,” Young says. “Growing up in New Hampshire, I was really exposed to the presidential campaign.” Candidates begin visiting New Hampshire a year and a half before the general election, often showing up in local diners and marching in area parades. Before even graduating college, Young met former President George H.W. Bush, former President Bill Clinton, former Senator and presidential candidate Bob Dole and President George W. Bush.

These memories had a lasting impact on Young. After high school she enrolled at the University of New Hampshire where she received her bachelor’s degree in political science and French. While in college she joined “TheatreSports,” an improvisational comedy group at the university. “That was part of my identity,” she says. “Many were theatre majors and I was the only one who really wasn’t, which was really cool.”

After college, Young worked at a public relations firm in Washington D.C., which in her opinion, so distorted the truth that she left after six months. In 1999, she decided to head back to school to get her master’s degree and eventually her doctorate from the University of Pennsylvania in Communication. One night, while out at the bars in Philadelphia, Young was introduced to a group of friends who were members of “Comedysportz,” a Philadelphia-based competitive improvisational comedy group, which Young describes as “Whose Line is it Anyway?” meets a sporting match.

She was encouraged to audition for a spot, and a few weeks later she was the newest member of the group.

Through “Comedysportz,” Young met her husband, Michael Young, who created the group in 1993 and served as the artistic director for 11 years, until their son Baxter was born in December 2004. “He was a comedic genius,” she says. “Everyone says so. For him, it was effortless. He was blessed with a stage presence, confidence, and utterly perfect timing.”

Unfortunately though, Michael Young was not blessed with a clear bill of health. In the summer of 2005, he began feeling fatigued and in October he was diagnosed with a craniopharyngioma, a rare benign brain tumor. A month later, Young underwent a successful brain surgery to remove the tumor, but in March 2006, the tumor had regrown and he was hospitalized.

Craniopharyngioma is a historically benign, extra-axial, slow-growing tumor that predominately affects the brain. “Despite its benign nature craniopharyngiomas occasionally behave like malignant tumors, they can metastasize, and patients can have severe symptoms that usually require surgery and/or radiation therapy,” says Jeffrey R Wasserman, a staff physician for the Department of Diagnostic Radiology at the Medical College of Pennsylvania-Hahnemann University Hospital.

The most common presenting symptoms are headache, nausea, vomiting and visual disturbances, says Wasserman. “Craniopharyngioma represents approximately three to five percent of intracranial tumors in the United States,” he says. “Those affected have permanent endocrinologic deficits after treatment, though visual disturbances that occur are usually reversible.”

In Michael’s case, the tumor caused him to make up stories that never really happened, completely lose his short term memory, and develop diabetes insipidus, which makes the body flush out too much water, thus resulting in dehydration.

Throughout all the ups and downs of the tumor, Young kept an extensive blog of the most up-to-date information regarding her husband’s illness. Initially the purpose of the blog was for logistical reasons: so family and friends could remain informed of Michael’s health and to ask for help when needed. “It allowed me to get all that information out and to purge my insane experiences of the day into the keyboard,” she says. “I was able to empty my head and be able to enjoy some quiet time at home with Bax until it all would start again the next day.”

Young’s entries relay the devastation of watching someone you love lose their autonomy, and vividly detail the grief and heartbreak one experiences while watching someone die.

“There's something devastating about watching this brilliant and talented man sit in front of the television and turn it on and off and on and off and on and off and then watch the blank screen,” Young writes. “‘Mike, the TV's off.’ To which he replies matter-of-factly, ‘No it's not.’”

Some entries are peppered with humor, little anecdotes about a joke Michael made while eating dinner or visiting with friends. Others are wrought with anger, a “why me?” mentality, that despite her stoic nature or her optimistic personality, even Young couldn’t avoid feeling.

“When Mike was first diagnosed with the tumor, I was beside myself with anger and pain,” Young writes. “One night I lost it, ‘It's not fair! It's just not fair!’ I wailed like an angst-ridden child. ‘We just got married. We have a baby. We're just starting our lives! It's not fair!’ To which Mike calmly replied, ‘And who would it be fair to, smoosher? Would it be fair if it happened to someone who didn't have kids? Would it be fair to some old person? It's just luck. Dumb luck. That's all.’”

On July 18, 2006, the blog entry that no one wanted to read was posted.

“Mike died today at 11:20 am,” a family friend wrote. “Danna would like all their incredible friends and loved ones to know that everyone is invited to join together at the house all afternoon and evening. Children are welcome. She plans to turn on the sprinkler to run around in, and we'll all roast outside and remember our dear friend Mike.”

Michael had undergone 13 surgeries in nine months.

In an attempt to deal with the loss, Young continues to write in the blog as a way for her friends to unobtrusively know what is going in her life. “I have, unintentionally, distanced myself from many of Mike’s and my closest friends,” she says. “It's just so hard to be with them and be thrown back to a time that was so, so happy when now it is so, so gone. The blog allows those friends to get where I'm at and helps inform their decisions to get in touch with me.” No longer is the blog filled with medical jargon and doctor’s notes, but rather, stories about her son and the continuing battle with grief that she deals with on a day-to-day basis. But Michael is still mentioned in the blog everyday. A recent entry details a story about Baxter playing in the snow.

“I showed him how to make a snowball. We threw them out into the yard and at the trees…I gave him a big one that he held onto with his clumsy mittened-hands. ‘I want to throw it up to the sky,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘I throw it to Daddy.” He looked at me with his big huge blue eyes through the sea of giant snowflakes falling between us. ‘Daddy catch it?’”

Being only 30 years old, Young has faced difficult situations that most people don’t experience at all in their lifetime. Despite feeling significantly older than she actually is, she remains optimistic and upbeat about the rest of her life.

“I feel a sense of wisdom and clarity that I would never want to give back,” Young says. “In a weird way, I am happier now than ever in my life because of the peacefulness that comes with facing and owning death. I appreciate every moment of every day. I have always thought that something big was going to happen in my life, I just always thought the big thing was going to be politics or a theory or a book or music or some performing thing. But now I think that this is it, that being Mike's advocate and learning how to be strong and peaceful and in the moment is that ‘something big’ that I always anticipated.”

Sources

Dannagal Young, Communication Professor

Jeffrey R Wasserman: physician at the Medical College of Pennsylvania-Hahnemann University Hospital

87 comments:

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Hi Danna- First of all, it was wonderful to be able to share some of what goes in your classroom with you and to see how at least one student views you. Second, its nice to be able to visualize you in your office. The one you worked so hard to achieve, especially right at the end. And lastly, this is a piece I hope you will treasure and save for Baxter to read later on. Lastly, while I knew it wasnt going there, although it did touch on it, I wish someone would write about the last months, the ones where you are sometimes struggling to find your new niche, the widow Danna, the single mother Danna and finally the looking to the future Danna as you tread water trying to find out how to do it so that its what is best for you and Baxter. yes, even any mistakes along the way. I am thinking that one will have to come from you. We see it here but its scattered somewhat. I'd like to see a companion piece to this one. You may be too close, maybe CSM? I think it could be a powerful asset to other women who will come behind you and have to face the same types of decisions you have. And maybe that is the next big thing you will do.Anyway, I hope you and Baxter are having a terrific holiday. I think of you often and of course, check for the updates!!

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About Me

Danna, 38, earned her PhD in communication at the University of Pennsylvania and is now on the faculty of the University of Delaware. In July 2006, her talented husband, Mike Young, died after a nine month battle with a brain tumor.

Through the process of his illness and death, Danna found meaning in her own life and strength - in loved ones and in herself. She is the mother to their 9 year old son, Baxter. In May 2009, Danna married the loving and witty PJ Gallagher. In 2010, PJ adopted Baxter (who has called PJ "dad" since 2008), and the couple welcomed baby Edie Eileen Young Gallagher into the world in May 2010.