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I’m Changing My Name

My real name is John Earle Patrick, Jr. It’s on my driver’s license and diplomas, but I’ve always gone by the nickname “Rick.” Long story short: my grandfather, Earle Patrick, went by the nickname “Pat” all his life, and to avoid confusion with my father’s name, my nickname took the other half of our surname, and I’ve always gone by “Rick.”

However, I now believe it is time for me to change my legal name, since it is offensive on so many levels.

Let us begin by examining my first name “John.” As you may know, john is slang for both a toilet and a prostitute’s customer. This is clearly unacceptable and has hindered my acceptance by others as early as the kindergarten playground, when I was subject to much abuse for having such a moniker.

Next comes the British spelling of the name “Earle.” While a traditional part of family lore, who needs tradition, right? It also seems to signify a kind of elitist British connotation, due to the fact that an earl is an Anglo-Saxon title of nobility. I neither want to offend (a) the lower classes, nor (b) those with origins other than Anglo-Saxon.

Third comes the surname “Patrick.” This is actually Scotch-Irish in origin, as were my ancestors. Two problems surface immediately with regard to this name. First, the Scotch were fond of drinking their Scotch whiskey. I can testify to the fact that many family members were indeed quite fond of the beverage. They were neither moderationists nor abstentionists. I grieve their sins and would like to publicly apologize to all those who were affected by their substance abuse, as well as their descendants, who also suffered from the consequences of my ancestors’ alcoholism. The second problem has to do with the Scottish kilt. At a Scottish Heritage Museum, I learned the phrase “A man in a kilt is a man and a half!” Apparently, they were proud of the rugged and masculine tradition of wearing kilts. However, in today’s world they frankly resemble a woman’s skirt, and I do not want others to think of me as a cross dresser.

Finally, there is the matter of “Junior.” For evidence that this description is pejorative, I simply invite you to view the third Indiana Jones film, in which Indiana’s father refers to him as “Junior,” a term he hates with a passion until his father finally calls him Indiana when he’s about to yield to the temptation of the Holy Grail. Junior seems diminutive, unimportant and of lesser quality or value.

Clearly, I need a new name. My current one reeks of toilets, prostitutes, drinking, cross dressing, elitism and inferiority — all at the same time. How can I possibly witness to others today, lead anyone to Jesus or preach the gospel? My name hinders my ministry. I need a new one.

This sort of “reasoning” is fallacious because mocking a claim does not show that it is false. This is especially clear in the following example: “1+1=2! That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!”

Hmmm…

Rick, do you also have personal resolutions on things like racism, etc.?

I’ve kept my dog out of this fight ’cause I really don’t care one way or another what the SBC does with its name, or the supposed politics or lack there of behind the appointment of a powerless committee… not to mention the fact that what the SBC calls itself has zero actual impact on the ministry of my church in my community…

but…

Come on, if we can’t on occasion use ridicule and/or sarcasm in arguments then 2 Corinthians, Jude, and 2 Peter don’t need to be in the Bible…

Ah, Saint Patrick’s pagan name. Well done, Doug! No wonder he changed it. I’m just worried about that pronunciation. The kids on the playground (er, Tennis Court) will start saying that I really “Succat” hitting backhand shots, a statement which is altogether true, but clearly an appeal to ridicule which hurts my feelings.

Very, very funny and good, Rick. I also may need to change my name, as well. AFter all, one of my ancestors was a pirate off the Carolina coast…Richard Worley. I mean, a pirate! Also, I’m related to Darryl Worley, who is a country music singer. He has songs about liquor, women, and such as that. Also, the name “Worley” originated in England, and it came from the last name “Worles,” which means a “hermit that lives in the woods.”

So, if I’m ever gonna be a good Pastor, and be able to reach people; I’d better change my name, too. All that history and such attached to it, and all. You know what I’m talking about.

Thanks Captain David! In my head I will be singing the Veggie Tales classic, “We are the pirates who don’t do anything” for the rest of the day! Extra props for working in a Fantasy Island reference! And I may have to take you up on the whole Whoopi suggestion. I hear that Whoopi Goldberg is very popular up north among those who cringe at the very mention of certain denominational gatherings.

Let’s just say that after all that, you decide it is not worth it to change your name after all these years. Then one day, you find out a few of the patriarchs in the Patrick family decide the name must be changed….without asking your opinion first……:o)

I see your point concerning the ease with which we may take most any name and relegate it as inferior.

And yes, since my ancestors are all buried in what is now a poor and remote part of South Carolina where agriculture and slavery were extremely prominent in the 1800’s, I must now abandon my name, my heritage and my identity.

Although in some circumstances you could hardly blame a girl for refusing. Have you ever seen “The Wedding Singer?” Drew Barrymore’s character Julia is engaged to a real jerk. There’s a great scene where she’s looking into the mirror and practicing the way she will introduce herself at parties: “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Julia Goolia.”

Excellent use of satire to make your point. I wrote a similar post last week about my name and heritage. Funny thing is, I never used my first name until I got to college at George Washington University in Washington, D.C. Around all those “yankees” from New York, New Jersey, and the New England states, I tried to use my middle name. When my fraternity brothers gave me the pledge name “Cups,” I knew I was fighting a losing battle. Never had a problem after that with my first name and none of my northern fraternity brothers or friends ever took the slightest issue with my very southern name. Go figure. Thanks and God bless,

When we use the construct ” to keep from offending others” we are intentionally or not thinking about sacrificing our rights to salve the opinions of others who might or might not change their views. It’s a self centered and injury centered view of a organzational change.
On the other hand when we think about the best name to accomplish our mission, we are no longer victims, no longer the injured minority striving against powerful external forces but we are people acting in accordance with their deepest convictions toward their most important goals.

Don’t change your name. It isn’t the right time. There are legal hassles. It will cost money. There will never be agreement on your new name. People don’t like change. People who liked your old name will be offended. If it was good enough for your ancestors it is good enough for you. Don’t give in to the Calvinists.

Big Mac,
Thanks for your strong exhortation. I think I will take your advice. And now I have a strange craving for two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions….on a sesame seed bun.

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