At
the end of the contentious hearing with the boy's divorced parents,
Kristena LaMar, a senior Multnomah County judge, appointed an attorney,
David C. Gearing, for the 5-year-old. She asked him to report back by
Jan. 24 with information that would help her decide whether the boy
was better served living with his father, James J. Flowers, or his
mother, Stephanie L. Cole.

Gearing turned in his memorandum last
Thursday. It's a vivid description of what too many children, and too
many judges, deal with in the struggle to find love and sanctuary:

J
is five years old. J resided with Mother from Dec. 6, 2013 until Dec.
20, 2013, and with Father from Dec. 20 through the Jan. 24, 2014 Court
date, per the Court's directive after the first part of this trial.

Father
willingly cooperated with J's attorney. He was prompt in making J
available. He provided the names and contact information for various
collateral sources. He related medical and dental information and
provided school attendance records from 3 schools for this, J's
kindergarten year.

Notwithstanding significant outreach by my
legal assistant, Mother was not interviewed and she did not otherwise
participate. We scheduled an appointment for Mother and arranged with
Father for her to bring J to my office during Father's parenting time.
Mother rescheduled her first appointment on one day's notice and missed
her second appointment without calling or emailing. Multiple attempts
to follow-up were not responded to.

Father has a checkered
history, but his past is largely eclipsed by an outstanding 10-year work
history with All Weather Home Remodeling. Father's employer says he is
dependable, smart, resourceful and well-liked by co-workers and
customers. The collateral sources furnished by Father all say he is a
committed, attentive and loving parent to J. Father appears to be in a
stable relationship with Alisha Earhart, who also reports a
well-developed relationship with J.

As Mother did not participate
in the process, we have no first hand information. Other witnesses
report that she is employed as a flagger. She has two adult daughters
... both of whom we attempted to contact. The daughters also did not
respond to our outreach ... Father reported that Mother had asked both
daughters to testify for her and they were conflicted because both felt J
should be with Father. Under the circumstances, I do not fault either
of them for avoiding involvement.

Wendy Gairachty lives next
door to where Mother used to live with J. Ms. Gairachty reports the
following. J would often play outside alone with Mother was asleep. On
at least one occasion, he was found outside alone during the day with
no adult supervision while Mother was at work the entire day. J was
frequently hungry and/or thirsty. The house was filthy and cluttered
beyond belief. In my opinion, the conditions reported by Ms. Gairachty
would constitute child abuse. Ms. Gairachty strongly endorses placement
with Father ...

J is a very bright articulate five-year-old. He
is outgoing and confident. He has attended way too many schools during
his kindergarten year. He is very clear that he likes the first school
near Father's home, Gilbert Park, because of the teacher (Ms. Davis),
the library and the computers. He is not happy with the three schools
Mother has placed him in since removing him from Gilbert Park. His
attendance at the schools selected by Mother is grossly unacceptable; in
my opinion another manifestation of neglect.

J is very clear
that he wants to live with his Father. Although 'conventional wisdom'
suggests that a five-year-old is typically not mature enough to be
choosing between parents, in this case J's choice should be considered.
Children develop and mature art a faster rate when their survival
depends on it. J was forced to cope with and adapt to serious parental neglect. He was resourceful enough to find neighbors to feed and care for him when he was alone. He states a preference for what appears to be the best educational environment. He adapted to his visit in my office in an unprecedented way, exhibiting confidence and maturity beyond anything I have seen in a five year old. He is choosing Father because Father is there to love and care for him; because 'he is a Dad.' J says he loves Mother, but that is all he would say about her, to me anyway.

On Jan. 24, LaMar -- who retires Friday -- took Gearing's memorandum under advisement, then awarded custody of the child to his father. Flowers immediately re-enrolled his son at Gilbert Park.

The boy's mother, Stephanie Cole, was awarded supervised visiting time, but it's not clear if she is aware of the privilege. She did not attend the hearing.

In my original column on this family-law dispute, LaMar concluded the piece by saying, "I'm running a court proceeding, not an intervention for these folks. I'm trying to provide some stability, but in most of these cases, they're going to do what they're going to do. The parents will be back in court. And in another 12 years, we read about their kid in the papers."

What was it Gearing wrote about the child?

"He adapted to his visit to my office in an unprecedented way, exhibiting confidence and maturity beyond anything I have seen in a five year old."

He's now in the right home. He's back in the right school. He's in a community of folks who are willing to watch over him.

You never know. Maybe the next time we read about J, it will be only a brief and unsentimental paragraph, noting that a kid who graduated with honors from David Douglas High has received a full scholarship to Oregon State.