The Problem with the New Cookie Dough Oreos: the Critics of the New Cookie Dough Oreos

Both in our capacity as VF.com’s Oreo Bureau Chief and as a human being with a tongue and a heart, your blogger was delighted to read that beginning next month, Oreo will begin selling “Cookie Dough”– and “Marshmallow Crispy”–flavored cookies.

The New York Daily Newsprovides details: “Cookie Dough will feature the traditional chocolate sandwich cookies filled with a tan-colored crème, flecked with ‘chocolatey chips.’ The marshmallow version is reminiscent of a Rice Krispie Treat, with vanilla-flavored sandwich cookies and sweet cream spotted with crisped rice.” Note that Rice Krispies are a Kellogg product and Oreo is a Nabisco subsidiary, meaning that while others can compare the two snacks, official promotional materials for the new cookie will not. That’s just the kind of peerless analysis and exclusive insider information you can expect from VF.com’s award-deserving Oreo Bureau. (Hat tip: Wikipedia.)

But back to the snack: reception of the new flavors has been tepid. “Mixed feelings,” writes the Daily News. Quoth Time.com: “It doesn’t really taste like cookie dough.” The Web site also characterized the Marshmallow Crispie as “divisive”: “One person declared it inedible, throwing it into the trash in a huff. Others, however, were particularly excited about this variety because its creme center features bits of crisped rice.” And Jezebel, naturally, developed an immediate fiery intellectual opposition independent of the cookie’s actual taste: “I don’t care whether they’re good or not!”

These critics! Heavy on complaints and light on suggestions! Send us a box of your finest and second-finest, Nabisco, and we will tell you how to improve each of the new flavors—how to genetically modify the ingredients to somewhat digestible perfection. That’s just the sort of special service we at the VF.com Oreo Bureau. Again, you can thank us by sending us Oreos.