Also, in a very telling interview with Tancredo Buff for WyattEvans.com your favorite shy guy says there’s more to him than just sex on screen.

Have you ever encountered people that recognize you and talk only about sex and videos?
Yeah! This was my entire experience when I did “DR Takeover.” I was XL the Performer for the entire week, and no one assumed I had knowledge of a subject; I was simply a d**k or ass to be used. And I hated that feeling! People come up to me and say they love my work, but exclude everything else I might be doing (school, real job, art, hobbies, personality, etc.).

It’s my understanding that many porn stars have tough lives, and more than a few have passed away suddenly. Can you speak on depression among performers?
XL: Tancredo, I’m one of those depressed performers. I’ve contemplated suicide. I’ve cried immediately after shoots wishing I could stop my image from circulating in a negative way. It gets hard because of the lack of support. The consumers hate, as well as some of the models and the industry execs. So, it’s like you’re working for people who hate you–while literally being naked and exposed. It’s hard a thing to do.

Some bystanders view me as just a “hoe” or a hole to be used, and I’m dehumanized when I speak on actual things such as politics and the news. It sucks, but I manage the best I can. A lot of us porn performers go through this, but we don’t let others know. As a result, we create this outer shell to fend off the negativity–while trying to bask in a sense of temporary glory.

When I do leave porn, I believe I’ll have the hardest time transitioning into being accepted for who I am and NOT the pornographic material I make in order to provide a fantasy. I feel that people are more judgmental now than ever. It’s just something I’ve noticed. It’s like we aren’t content unless someone else’s name is in our mouth.

How have you managed to overcome your depression? Have you sought professional help?
XL: No, I haven’t had professional help. However, I try to keep an open space of contact with my friends and family in order to help me with it. That’s why at times I have to step away from performing.

I as well was on the takeover 15 and I would say you seemed to be a very intellectual individual. Not everyone looks at you as being just a pornstar. One of those pornstars that suddenly passed actually happen to be a great friend of mine who convinced me to go to takeover for my first time this year. Yes people are going to see the image of a pornstar while they see you but not all of us look at you as just being that. People are going to be people but it takes a mature individual to look past the obstacles you have ventured on your journey and to look forward of what is in store for you. Dont go by society’s judgement of what you think they perceive you to be and continue to work towards your goals in life.