Monday, 24 November 2008

Those books of soap in full

Some
water damage. A little plastic cup full of soapy water routinely
toppled onto this hundred year-old Welsh hymnal. I think the damage
suits it though. Mother if you're reading this sorry.

I
hit my nose on a beam that first evening and I think I also look better
now as a result of the damage. The scar draws one's eye away from the
chin. "And and Bee" also got wet (shown above) and I love And and Bee.
They're out of print now, I'm pretty sure. The page above makes them
look creepy. They're not. They simply met this GIRL on a BOAT bound for
ASIA, and later they will meet a fairy in a STAR while standing in a
QUEUE by the ROAD who helps them catch a TRAM, gives them each a VEST
and sneaks them into someone's back YARD just in time for XMAS. Which
reminds me, it snowed this morning, what a kick!

Anyway,
here are the rules for the Books of Soap: "Bag checks in operation.
Only one visitor allowed in at any time [only the display case is
illuminated, the walls covered in mirrors that are cracked but not
smashed, and you have a torch]. Certain volumes may be handled [beneath
strips of processed chicken - that and the soap were my nods to the
Trinum Magicum] Simply ask an attendant. Every visitor must be
accompanied by an attendant [so me]. Please do not mark these books.
Goggles to be worn at all times ['The place is a bit of a tip.' 'But I
can't see anything.' 'That's why we ask you wear them. Because it's a
bit of a tip.'] Attendants to be blindfolded [so take my soapy hand and
lead me out]." And once out you were asked if you'd like to go back in
without the goggles - If you'd kept them on, this treat was your reward
and if you hadn't, this not being a treat was your punishment. Only half
said yes... And the last book:

"Simon, did you write this?" shouted David R from behind the soapy goggles while I stumbled into the leg of a chair."Describe it.""It looks like it was made by a child, with access to a typewriter.""What's it say?""
'But then Sam Spaghetti, Picky Pear and Quarrelsome Cucumber slid into
the whale's tummy because they were swallowed... and I expect you can
guess what happened then!'