A man named Alan is on a mission to find his Ideal Woman, and he’s got some very specific requirements for potential candidates.

He's created a website dedicated to finding “the right partner”, exhaustively detailing the aesthetic, emotional and intellectual qualities he finds attractive.
This is a man who knows exactly what he wants - right down to the clothing his dream woman has in her wardrobe.
“Finding the right partner has become such a complicated puzzle to solve, that led us almost to the point of paralysis,” the introduction to his website ‘The Ideal Woman Project’ reads.
“I’ve always dreamed of finding someone who could understand me and share the joys and the pain of this dark era.”

Alan describes himself as an “all-rounder character” with a “pleasant look and a slender/athletic figure”, who has travelled extensively and has a degree in computer science.
He then proceeds to list the qualities he’s seeking in a partner, beginning with aesthetics.

“Although oriented to seek for an inner beauty, I still can’t detach myself from the terrestrial law of physical attraction,” he writes.
“Therefore, first things first, she should not be overweight and respectful towards her body, at least trying to eat healthy food and exercising sometimes.”
Women who can’t drive, ride a bike, run or swim, unless due to disability, will be automatically vetoed.

Where clothes are concerned, Alan prefers “classical outfits” or ‘90s styles with high-waisted pants - handy, considering the ‘90s is in the midst of a revival right now.
“Although I’m fine with random, exceptional and very recreational use of coffee, smoke and drugs, she must be free from any addiction related to them,” he adds.
Appearance aside, he's adamant he doesn’t want to have children of his own and has no interest in being with a woman who does. However, he wouldn’t rule out adoption in the right circumstances.
He also isn’t attracted to “superficial females” who only think about “career, fashion, holidays [and] owning stuff”. (Presumably she should be invested enough in fashion to know how to assemble a "classical" outfit... purchased using money earned through, uh, her career.)

“I wouldn’t be able to accept a relationship with a wage-slave of 9 to 5. In fact, I will never be able to stand a relationship where I can see my other half only during the nighttime after work,” he continues.
“I strongly despise employees and the corporate mentality thus it would be an excellent idea to work together, start a business from scratch.”
The dream woman would also favour old art over “new-age modern minimalist bullshit”, be a free thinker, love her freedom, not believe in god or be held to “social constrictions or fake morals”. Coming from a “fine” family is considered a plus.
“I don’t mind as well a woman who relies a bit on her man, as it makes me feel needed,” Alan adds.
Next time someone criticises you for being too specific about your romantic prospects, direct them to this website immediately.
If you think you meet all the criteria, you can go ahead and apply to be Alan’s Ideal Woman right here. Be warned, though; you’ll be excluded immediately if you appear too happy with your current life (which “implies that you should start asking yourself some serious questions,” he writes).
Just quietly, we think a season of The Bachelor with Alan in the titular role would be beyond fascinating...