Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.
Every woman knows, an ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.
Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.
When they say boldly go where no man's gone before, they don't mean the kitchen.
Honey when I said I wanted something to hang my hat on I didn't mean THAT!
Any port in a storm is a good way to divorce court dearie!
Titillating is not an excuse for going to girlie bars.
Anyone got a buck I could sure use one?
Grab a piece of arse will you, it may be the last thing you ever grab.
Anal retentive? You don't say!
Lip service now there's a concept.....
*Listen for the drum roll!

C hocolate Candy Emmmm what a treat.
H as sweet ingredients that can't be beat.
O h what delight to put in our mouth and eat.
C hocolate a passionate lovers sweet. (
O nly the lonely will not eat this meat. (
L overs who Love chocolate will find this neat. ^
A ll chocolate will cause lovers to stay in heat. & &
T ake your time and savor this candy. % %
E ach one of you knows it makes you randy. @@@@@
K issing with chocolate covered lips is bliss.
I n your mouth each tongue will entwine with a kiss.
S o get yourself some chocolate today.
S weet chocolate candy will help you to play!

The Birds and the Bees
A “Closely-Knit” Trio
The macho
He-man
Entered the
Bar to
Inspect the local female population
Red-
Dressed,
Sultry “ladies” sat
And sipped wine
Not giving him one glance
Drawing closer
To a trio of
High-heeled
Enticing “women”
Big Joe tried to
Engage one in conversation
Evasively she lit a cigar and said,
“Sorry, but our threesome suits us just fine”
Acrostic for Carol’s “The Birds and the Bees” Contest

Have you ever had one of those days
On the wrong side of the bed, bad days
When everything right went wrong
Cause the ding had lost it's dong
Ouch, Mr. Sun came peeking in
Up from bed and banged your shin
Leaky, full toilet overflowed
Damn, you stubbed your other big toe
Times like this: don't you love those days
Hardly anything seems to go your way?
Is little Johnnie turning green
Splat! Is that doggie ice cream?
Gas oven took a dump
Everyone’s oatmeal was in clumps
The kids were late AGAIN for school
Wasn’t that traffic cop a tool?
Oh, you should've just stayed in bed!
Rolled back over and called in dead…
Shoot! An hour late for work
Emptied Starbucks on your shirt
Dare you ask how this could get worse?
Others think you're such a jerk.
Next, the boss comes barging in
Tells you,"Look for work again"
Everything was going wrong
Vacation's gonna be a little long
Even your wife’s rope is at an end
Now she says, "Let's just be friends"
An asteroid fell from the skies
Smashed the beer between the thighs
Kick yourself for getting out of bed
3/24/16
Collaboration with Daniel Turner

Crazy is defined by the crazy things you do
Really crazy things are just too crazy, too
A crazy person laughs when no one is around
Zealous crazy people are too busy to be found
Yes, crazy is as crazy does, who really can define?
Your definition of crazy is well kept in your mind.
Even when you’re normal, crazy still remains
Some keep crazy in their hearts, to look like they’re still sane.

A is for apathy, “You all know you are!”
B is for itching, “Why can’t I have a car?”
U is for the umbilical cord. You never cut from Ma.
N is for neutral, “Why should you take a stand?”
D is for dependent, “Hey, one always needs a hand!”
A is for angry, “Well, why the hell shouldn’t I be?”
N is for nostalgia, ‘cause in the past we’re free.
C is for the ocks ;) who run the whole damn show!.
E is for euthanasia, “When your old just GO!”
And all that spells abundance, in case you could not tell?
Or went to school in Texas and never learned to spell.

Charmaine passed me the ball and I don't know what to do with iTHoly cow! Now, I should transfer the tag until John gets mad, sOAnother tag, while James is still in The Somerset ZodiaCRestore the ball, erase those codes, don't trace the lines of NazcA Mysteries, enigmas, forget the Druids, the MinotauRAll the pyramids, the Count, the King, and old RongorongOIcemen, Amazons and Vikings, leave the day the Sun Stood StilLNothing about Mayans'rise and fall, catch the ball, bounce it, plaYEndorsed you are, my dear blonde, hit the ball, and play agaiN

there once was a bear
who lived in belair
he owned a red hen
who made eggs for his kin
then one time like most bears do
the bear got hungery
and ate the red hen
and her last eggs of ten
with a gulp and a swallow
down went the hen
but wait..
now there was no hen to lay eggs for his kin.

Cookies are addictive!
OoOoH! Here's one to snatch!
Okay...where's the chocolate chips?
Kraving too many of these treats
I want some now! But...I might get beeefy...
Every bite is mouthwatering, soft and crisp
Should I take another cookie?

Principally, pretty Penny the poet gave the ILLUSION of preening
Outside the Palace in the portico pre-party.
Edward the Bard entered elegantly, elaborating with an INFUSION of
Trendy calligraphy pens and colored inks of CREATIVITY.
Ralph, the Shakespearian sonnet writer EVENTUALLY strolled in with a scroll.
You would think none of them new each other, as they
Practically knocked each other over getting to the press.
At any other time, Annabelle the actress would have been
Languishing on a director’s arm but tonight, she had
An editor! How INEVITABLE! Clarisse came to the Palace Ball dressed as
Cleopatra and carrying a clay tablet full of
Egyptian poetry, who would win for best piece was anyone’s guess.
Poet:Debbie Guzzi

But for that crazy, ill-conceived bidet,
I'd say using a loo is serious business.
Darn it, think of a sudden April shower
Encroaching upon your pretty posterior,
Tickling it, the nearest thing to heaven!

I bet on a horse and it won
50 quid is not a huge sum
So I bet again and still won
But 100 quid is still a small sum
So I bet again and guess what?
Yes, I won
But 300 quid is still not a big sum
So you know what I did? Yes u do
I bet again and yes I won
But 500 quid is not a big sum,
So I decided to go to the zoo
to buy a gorilla who had flu
I got him cheap, but he was big,
bigger then my 500 sum
I bet he could swim, jump, play
polo and clean out a sump
He did all this with much glee, but I
am still not rich you see
My poorly gorilla costs me a lot, the
vets are an expensive lot
So my 500 quids are no more, and
my gorilla looks sad even more.
So I sold my pet to my vet, cus he
wanted him as a pet
Now I have 500 to bet, and yes on a
horse. I bet
My horse was called gorilla in the
mist
Gosh what a fantastic twist.
Surely my horse should win this
race, and yes he did, at a casual gait.
Now I have 1000 quid to my name,
so back to the zoo, for some other
game.
I brought a giraffe, with my stake,
he had a long neck and he smelled
great
But my story ends here as my Dr
appeared.
Come on he said to me, what have
written on your pad?
Wow said my Dr that’s just great,
now time for your medication date!

APATHETICALLY I APPROACH THIS TASK
ACADEMIC FERVOR RUNNING THIN
“FOR IS IT NOT TIME TO SLEEP?” I ASK-
FAVORING FINALE, I HOLD UP MY CHIN.
HONESTLY, BETTER COULD BE DONE.
HONESTY IT IS NOT THAT I AM LACKING;
COMPOSITION BECOMES LITTLE FUN,
DILIGENCE LOST, I AM SLACKING!

To talk about ‘The Facts’ makes some parents put on a show,
Hatching up answers to questions their children should know,
Enduring the same fate as their elders from times long ago.
“Babies,” Mommy says, “Come from a big cabbage patch.
Indeed! A stork flies over to spot which cabbage to catch.
Risking it all, she swoops down for the bundle in just one snatch.”
Dad then pipes in, “Not to pick just any, the cabbage must match!”
So it goes, as parents quickly warm to the stories they hatch.
Anticipation of kids’ questions makes parents sweat rivers.
Normally, Junior has never seen Mom so taken with shivers.
Dad tries once more to describe just how the stork delivers.
“There’s a time when a honeybee was tired from his weary flight,
Having flown over too many cabbage fields with no honey in sight.
Exactly that moment the stork also was searching with all of her might.
Beautiful Stork and sweet Honeybee looked at the other and smiled,
Exchanging information, they followed directions each had compiled.
Eventually, the bee got to the hive and the stork found her precious child.
Son, that’s the story about the birds and the bees flying high out in the wild.”

Leo, an Astrology Acrostic
by Amy Swanson
Loyal friend who'll laugh with you, the sun rules their playful heart;
Engagingly eclectic, they'll give all they have; forgive them if they seem a little bossy.
Outgoing with majestic charm, they'll walk with you until the very end.
*Inspired by Danielle White's astrology acrostic contest* -- I had to get in on the fun! :)

INTRO:
Its not always easy
Stumble into a party,where the ladies are stiff
Especially if they belong to the higher circles of society
This guy ended up in Acrostic
Tango dancer..and a wild one he is
Revealing his dance infront of the shocked ladies
Unexpected,showing off his virility
The stiff party of madams are furious and upset
He is not welcomed into their world..a wild one he is
Hesitating to give him recognition..they are careful not to applauding his dance
Under the table..he wiggle his toes
Rumours says..he even "toe tickles " some of them between their thighs
Terrifying things start happening
Soaking wet..after drinks and nice coctails being thrown into his face..party is over
My first attempt at writing Acrostic...bit scary,its such a unusual way for me to write:)
Have a nice weekend my friends out there!

Poetic hunger made me starving one night
Opened laptop pretending I am taking a bite
Empty stomach and soul were not satisfied
Transient beggar of mind - didn't feel right!
Recipes great from my Epulaeryu site
Yielded spoonfuls of rhythm and humor so bright
So I fired up the stovetop, asked friends for a light
Our fantasy soup flooded steams of delight
Uniquely created in a midsummer night
Patiently stirring talent by a secret White Knight...
for: Adeleke's contest "Poetic Picture of POETRY SOUP"

R ascal with a twinkle in his dark-ringed eye
A morous feeling frisky under a full moon's light
C at strolled by- her voluptuous tail swishing to and fro
C oy glances by feline big blues
O vert flirting, then invited her to dine
O pulent feast of restaurant scraps made her swoon...
N uptials next - rascal raccoon carried her over the threshold of their new home.
for "Tell Me About It" contest
sponsored by Francine Roberts

H Hell breaks loose when Papa comes along,
O One studiously studying, now jumping and singing a song!
O One prankster eating, now his plate a mish-mash!
L "Lets hug Papa tight, before Mamma could lash."
I I am sure my naughty ones are over the moon
G Going by their frantic pace I'll go crazy too soon!
A and now I hear them complain," Mamma nags."
N Now suddenly in my disciplined life, behind, the order lags.
I Its a win-win situation for them, my word will have no gains
S Somehow in a protected territory, even these deer will turn fierce lions!
M My house thus is a home to two sweet hooligans!
WORD GAMES CONTEST
Sponsor: Catie Lindsay

Elastic stretches bit by bit, around your thick dimension
Lets you wiggle, if you're pudgy, from too much fudge retention
A second portion...now, you're ecstatic....Alas, you've licked the kettle!
Should I tattle or meddle much, or call for intervention?
Thus, your middle may need attention, is it a time for fudge redemption?
I hope you won't judge my good intentions, or hold a grudge.... OOPS!
Caught by chance, I wear stretch pants!! Your fudge tastes quite fantastic!!