Shower: before OR after the baby is born?

I’m just curious what you did or are doing in terms of a baby shower. Both my MIL and mom want to throw a shower which I am greatfull for, and I expressed my wishes to have the shower AFTER the baby is born. I am a bit on the superstitious side and ‘what if….’ I don’t want to loose baby and have to walk by a room filled with baby things…. do you send them back? Use them for the next one?

I am also hoping that it will deter people from wanting to visit us at the hospital and in the early days of being home.

On the other hand it would be nice to have all these things set up for when we arrive home.

Also we aren’t telling anyone (aside from the bees of course) what the sex of the baby is, which makes it more difficult to choose baby items- or so I’m told.

Some people are shocked and boarderline disgusted at our decision (those people can go suck a lemon)

So… If you have a say/prefrence what is it and why?

p.s. sorry but I will be away for a few days, so if I am unable to respond I appologize. Thanks in advance.

There are plenty of non-clothing type items that are pretty universal that your attendants can get… and if they REALLY wanted to get clothing, there are neautral tones [yellow, green, white] they can purchase as well.

I don’t have children but as I understand a baby shower is to prepare you to have the baby. As in people want to gift you all the things you’ll need. You could register for many everyday items like bottles, wipes, diapers, etc. Lots of onsies are unisex anyways, just ask for lots of different colors.

I wanted my shower before the baby arrives (around 31-32 weeks) cause I was hoping to get some useful gear as gifts. Turns out we had to cancel it 3 days before due to a family emergency. The way things are looking, I won’t be having a shower at all in the end: I bought all the gear & don’t need any 0-3 month clothes, so I don’t see the point.

To be honest, I’m wondering why you’re bothering having a shower at all? You’ll already have bought all the big ticket items & NB/3month clothes, so a shower a couple of weeks after the birth will just be a stressful day where you get a bunch more tiny clothes and toys you can’t use yet.

You will not want your newborn baby passed around to a roomful of people. Germs everywhere! And you also may not feel up for a party in the weeks after a baby is born. I had my shower a few weeks before my due date, which worked well. It gave me time to set up his things and wash his clothes. It’s hard not to be anxious when you’re pregnant, but really there is a 99.99% chance everything will be perfectly fine.

I’d recommend doing the shower before the baby. You’ll want time to get your house set up before you bring the baby home. And after the baby it will be significantly more difficult for you to attend and enjoy a shower. I don’t think it will be a problem, at all, not knowing the gender beforehand.

We had a baby shower before the baby was born and then a Sip and See (tea party, no gift event) when he was 6 weeks old so people could see him. This was the best of both worlds, I got almost everything I needed for baby, no one bothered me in the hospital, and people got to see the baby when he was just a little older and I wasn’t as nervous about germs.

When it comes to Showers… the Rule of Etiquette is they happen BEFORE (otherwise you don’t have one) as they are indeed meant to “Shower the Honoured Guest” with things they will require for this Change in Status in their life.

From a realistic / logistic POV the advantage to before is that you’ll receive a lot of items you would otherwise have to purchase… you’ll be SHOCKED by how many items a newborn can go thru in a day (piles & piles of laundry each week). So having a half-dozen of this, and a dozen of that is not unusual.

Also a lot of times a group of friends will get together and pool their resources to buy you BIG items that a baby will need for their care (Babies have a lot of “equipment” that they need).

Normally, you’ll have a shower in the last month or month and a half of your preganancy… this will give you a bit of time after the shower to also go out and buy anything you may still require to fill out any gaps (and also to be prepared if the Baby should happen to come early… most babie coming within a months time of 2 weeks early or 2 weeks late of one’s due date)

As for gender info… this is 100% up to you to decide if you want to reveal or not.

I never understand WHY people worry about this… just a generation ago this info was rarely known until birth… and we all were able to work out things just the same. There are plenty of things that are gender neutral… White, Green, Yellow, Red… and quite frankly Girls look absolutely fine in Blue (only Pink can be an issue when it comes to Boys… most Mom with a newborn opt not to do that)

Hope this helps,

PS… My kids are in their 30s now… and we never knew the Gender ahead of time… quite frankly it was nice to have some element of surprise on the big day after all the “hard work” that went into birthing them !!

Othodox Jews are highly supersticious and do not buy or accept any baby-related item before the baby is born. Its part of their culture! So, it is done to have a baby shower after the birth. Really, you can do things which ever way you want. If you feel uncomfortable with that, your family and friends should respect that.

Personally, I am having my showers before the baby is born so I can nest. Also, I dont want to worry about setting up a nursery when I am recovering.

Remember, you need to have a car seat before the baby leaves the hospitalmif you are going that route! 🙂 Good luck OP!

@PoppyH: I am like you, dont want to jinx anything. It seems to put people off of a baby shower if its after the babies born for some reason. I’ve had 2 kids and both times my friends wanted to throw me a shower, I told them i didnt want to have it before the baby was here, and both times it never happened. My mom had a baby shower right after my sister was born n everyone seemed to be fine with it. ( this was about 7 years ago) Now that im on my third I am standing by my gut and if someone wants to throw me a shower after the baby is here, it’ll happen. If not, oh well! I’ve seen too many of my mothers friends have showers then have something bad happen =c

I’ve already had my shower before the baby comes. I don’t really see the point in having a shower after the baby is born since you’ll already have the necessities at that point but I guess it depends on your personality. My DH would say that I’m a bit OCD. I’ve had the nursery and everything ready for the baby for quite awhile now. I had my shower in November (baby is due in January) and I was still panicking that I wouldn’t have everything ready in time. I would feel really nervous and unprepared if I didn’t have everything the baby needs before he is born so for that reason it made sense for me to have my shower ahead of time.