Not your typical rental listings

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The bedroom – let’s for a moment look beyond the fact that it looks like it was designed in the ‘50s, but why on Earth is there an office chair by the bed? The owner either has odd preferences for nightstands, or has a really get-up-and-go attitude. Let’s not even mention the daily groceries on the bed.

Turning around, we see the owner thought about people that like to watch TV from the bed, but oh what is that? Looks like the TV has a tendency to erupt in flames, surely a great selling point! Binoculars are included so you can make out what’s on this miniature TV set.

There is not much to say about the kitchen. It’s ugly.

The living room however, has been carefully furnished according to the latest trends, such as “putting chandeliers on furniture”, and “sticking an armchair in the corner with shit around it to make sure nobody can access it”.

The place also comes with a convenient spot for hiding bodies.

The stylish and modern bathroom uses the latest in tiles, and is recommended for chess fans. There is an escape route built into the wall by the sink (you never know), and some tiles have been removed to allow the future tenant to exercise some creativity.

Honesty is a virtue, and the landlord highlights another fine aspect of this dwelling: a rotten ceiling.

As a bonus, the solution is near in case you get really thirsty while taking a dump. Guests also love to drink water from bottles that are covered with splashback.

In case anyone complains, the landlord reserves the right to lock people up in Cell Block A, where you are required to weave baskets.

On our way out, we take one last look at the apartment, admiring the pristine hardwood floor.

Near the entrance, a playful combination on brick and painted walls and a stack of fruit boxes greet us. The opportunity to hang / electrocute one’s self is conveniently presented by the loose wire hanging near the door.

And finally, the lobby of the building. Something tells me people would rather live curled up under the Christmas tree.

Do you like it? Only $1,700 a month! (negotiable)

Genesis

The bedroom – let’s for a moment look beyond the fact that it looks like it was designed in the ‘50s, but why on Earth is there an office chair by the bed? The owner either has odd preferences for nightstands, or has a really get-up-and-go attitude. Let’s not even mention the daily groceries on the bed.

Turning around, we see the owner thought about people that like to watch TV from the bed, but oh what is that? Looks like the TV has a tendency to erupt in flames, surely a great selling point! Binoculars are included so you can make out what’s on this miniature TV set.

There is not much to say about the kitchen. It’s ugly.

The living room however, has been carefully furnished according to the latest trends, such as “putting chandeliers on furniture”, and “sticking an armchair in the corn with shit around it to make sure nobody can access it”.

The place also comes with a convenient spot for hiding bodies.

The stylish and modern bathroom uses the latest in tiles, and is recommended for chess fans. There is an escape route built into the wall by the sink (you never know), and some tiles have been removed to allow the future tenant to exercise some creativity.

Honesty is a virtue, and the landlord highlights another fine aspect of this dwelling: a rotten ceiling.

As a bonus, the solution is near in case you get really thirsty while taking a dump. Guests also love to drink water from bottles that are covered with backsplash.

In case anyone complains, the landlord reserves the right to lock people up in Cell Block A, where you are required to weave baskets.

On our way out, we take one last look at the apartment, admiring the pristine hardwood floor.

Near the entrance, a playful combination on brick and painted walls and a stack of fruit boxes greet us. The opportunity to hang / electrocute one’s self is conveniently presented by the loose wire hanging near the door.

And finally, the lobby of the building. Something tells me people would rather live curled up under the Christmas tree.

Do you like it? Only $1,700 a month for 78 sq m (840 sq ft) of this bastion of grade-A renovation!

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What is this?!

This site is a personal pressure relief valve, borne out of a recent attempt to try and find a new apartment with my girlfriend. We don’t particularly have any extravagant desires, so we naively figured that given that we live in a major metropolis, we’d be easily able to find something decent for a reasonable amount of money. After looking at over 100 listings, not only did we not see a single decent apartment, but on the other hand we were presented with dozens of such utter crap that I’d rather spend the rest of my days living like Oscar the Grouch than to move into any of those places. Not only did the vast majority of them look unfit for human habitation, but they were overpriced to the point that defies any kind of logic (yes we live in one of the most expensive real estate markets, no, it still doesn’t make sense to pay $3,000/month for a shithole).

Realizing eventually that I’m not moving anywhere for the time being, I decided to share my frustration, and thus the idea for this blog was born. Without further ado, allow me to present the first crap rental…