Basement Talk

Dear readers, welcome to Basement Talk,Leasing Life’s monthly diary page, filled with the latest gossip and insight on the less visible aspects of the asset finance industry.

Managing to keep busy

Whereas the editorial desk at Leasing Life has come to know leasing as an industry often prone to reticence and privacy regarding its inner workings, it would seem that nowhere do the currents of mystery run deeper than in the broker sector.

An open offer to publish news from brokerland only made it as far as the fortress-like reception desk of Capex Finance, before our reporter was told that no one was in fact there, and that in any case Capex “didn’t take this kind of call”.

Evidently, the epidemic of asset finance journalists calling to offer free publicity has now reached crisis levels at Capex, and as such Leasing Life will graciously step back from the scrum and allow their labours to continue in secret.

A Christmas of leasing

In an entrepreneurial move that would have Ebeneezer Scrooge rubbing his grimy hands in delight, one company in Somerset has found a way to spread the unique joys of leasing into the formerly innocent world of Christmas decorations.

The Festive Lighting Company, formed in 2000 by director Vivien White, now offers three-year hire purchase arrangements for the acquisition of large-scale Christmas decorations by public and private bodies alike.

Following the trend of service-inclusive deals started by the motor sector, the merry contracts include transport to the display site, repairs, and storage throughout the less festive months of the year.

Lack of relief

Leasing could be one of the solutions to provide relief for people in need.

Liverpool’s council has been condemned by a Commons select committee for failing to use its powers, including its “leasing powers”, to provide sufficient numbers of public loos.

The committee has criticised the city of Liverpool for providing only one council-run toilet.

A report, called the Provision of Public Toilets, has stressed that cities should use their existing planning, licensing and leasing powers “at their full potential”.

Amazing financial planning

The mighty Irish military has come under fire this month after what can only be described as two massive leasing blunders.

Not a few Irish folk were up in arms over the €2.5 million lease of two helicopters for passenger use which turned out to be, er, unlicensed to carry any passengers. Reacting to the useless 10-month contract, which is now the subject of an inquiry, Department of Defence secretary general Michael Howard said: “Sometimes with something like this, you learn by doing it.”

Indeed.

In a separate ‘chopper’ fiasco, Rotor Leasing Ltd, an American company, sold four Air Corps helicopters to the Chilean Navy for €18.7 million that it had previously acquired from the Irish forces for €360,000.

Admittedly, Rotor Leasing did indeed re-fit the helicopters, but still this did not stop the fightin’ Irish demanding answers from their generals.

Sláinte

A Dutch joke

Dutch brilliant sense of humour seemingly has no ends. One senior staffer, with a reputation for being a cheeky chappy, at a Netherlands leasing company, chose recently to use his jokey prowess on a representative from Panasonic.

The customer was initially a little taken aback at the financier’s supposed friendly manner, which included several fake boxing manoeuvres and air punches.

However, the stuffing was knocked out of him when the lessor kneed him in the private parts. Apparently he had aimed to knee kick the air, but tripped and fell forward. How funny.

Symbols, food and finance

Many words were spent by one Leasing Life writer last month in attempting to understand the character of German leasing.

If, however, it is true that a picture paints a thousand words, a lot of effort could have been saved by taking the approach of ING Lease’s annual report and representing German leasing as an artichoke. Or a sprout. Or a pile of pumpkin seeds.

In truth, however, Leasing Life isn’t quite sure what to make of the small green graphic below, but we know it pales in comparison with the stately potato offered to Poland, or the Czech Republic’s elegant mushroom.

Quote of the Month

After a photographer was unavailable to capture one particularly well-received presentation at theLeasing Life conference in Brussels, the speaker kindly struck an oratorical pose for a photo opportunity after the event.

In his enthusiasm to recapture the moment of his speech visually, he perhaps did not realise the microphone was still on, leaving us with this haunting (yet bizarre) call to arms:

“We need change, and we need it rapidly and consequently, otherwise we will be in deep s***. And change is coming – Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”