Women need each other to heal

This past weekend, on the eve of a lunar eclipse and full blood moon, women gathered together for session 2 of The Women’s Sexual Mystery School to intimately get to know our pelvic temples and reclaim the wisdom within our feminine organs.

We began our day with partner yoga, looking into each other’s eyes, saying: “I support you as my sister to open to the full range of your feminine sexuality and expression.”

Hearing women of different ages and body types speaking these words to one another was such a delight and a different experience than what I have often felt with women in my life.

Though I have been sexually violated by men, I have been sexually judged by women. And honesty, I don’t know which hurts more.

This year I participated in a local One Billion Rising event, to bring attention to and end violence against women.

Though it was a great joy to see so many women dancing together for the common cause of “Breaking the Chain,” what was not addressed was how violent women can be with ourselves and each other through the judgments we hold around our female bodies, sexuality and expression.

Not surprisingly, the common theme among women who shared their personal stories of rising from abuse was the feeling of being all alone.

Today one out of three women is sexually violated. Those who are lucky enough not to experience sexual violation in this lifetime hold the wounds of their mothers and grandmothers in their sex organs. Add in being bombarded on a daily basis with distorted media images around our female bodies and sexuality.

Point being, all women suffer some form of sexual violation. So why all the judgment and cattiness between sisters? Why all the sexual competition?

Is a man really a prize anyway? No offense brothers. Sure, we love being in love. But is it worth the fragmentation of the collective Feminine soul that is happening on a global scale?

During our day of exploring our yoni/pelvic universe, many of us became acutely aware of how little time we spend here, other than for sexual gratification. We want to be honored and cherished by our lovers, yet we treat our own Lady Vagines as sex objects.

We also became aware of how crowded it is inside our vaginas – how many emotions, memories and beliefs live there without our knowing. No wonder we check out of our bodies during sex!

In going inside her own yoni, one woman said it perfectly, “ I’ve been a consciousness explorer all my life and feel like I’ve haven’t done any real inner work. It’s so humbling.”

Many women in the circle shared her experience. Another revealed that even though she loves sex, she often feels a sort of urgency to rush through the actual experience of it, preferring hard and fast to soft and slow sex.

“Touching my own yoni just to get to know it was a novel thing for me,” she said. Not necessarily pleasurable, but somehow more intimate. Uncomfortably intimate. I felt like I wanted to cry after, which only happens in sex when I feel deeply loved by my partner.”

Our shared humility gave us the common ground to be really vulnerable with each other.

When women know we’re all in need of healing, the competition and judgment between us melts away. We feel compassionate rather than threatened by one another. We can be in our sexual bigness and beauty together rather than shrink ourselves to feel safe.

Instead of being jealous of another woman’s sexual embodiment and expression, we can see her particular beauty as a dormant “flavor” in our own feminine being. Instead of casting her out as something “we will never be,” we can get curious and learn to cultivate her in ourselves. Rather than shrink in jealousy and judgment, we can experiment and expand our sexual repertoires.

I remember leading a local men’s and women’s sexuality workshop with my previous partner. Among the participants was a gorgeous woman who had just moved to town. She was not only gorgeous, she was living in her full sexual power and expression. My partner instantly had a crush on her. Instead of shrinking in self esteem or trying to diminish her in some way in my mind, I decided to reach out to this woman to get to know her. On that first beach walk, I put everything on the table – my partner’s attraction to her, my fear of losing him to her, my simultaneous curiosity and need to cast her out. I told her how important it was for me to support women to live in our beautiful bigness and yet how at the moment I felt like a hypocrite. My vulnerability drew out her compassion.

“To be honest,” she said. “I’m actually more attracted to you than I am to him.”

By the end of the conversation, we were laughing and embracing. This woman is now one of my dearest friends.

My point is, ending sexual violence against women is an inside job. Because until women start sharing our real sexual experiences and our hidden inadequacies and confusion around our female bodies and sexual expression, we can not begin to heal ourselves nor help each other heal. We can not be vulnerable, curious or compassionate with ourselves and each other when we hold hidden judgment.

The foundational virtue of the Feminine soul is humility. But it’s not the kind of modest humility we know, that harbors more judgments than probably most child molesters, rapists and murderers combined. Rather it’s the kind of humility that only comes from unraveling and revealing. The kind that comes from forgiving things on the inside rather than people on the outside.

As we closed our circle at the end of the day, there was a feeling of sober reverence, as if we had walked a hundred miles together towards our freedom. We knew there was further to go, but we also knew that real freedom was possible-because we had a map now to the Queendom and we had the support of our sisters.

If you are ready to open to the full range of your feminine sexuality and creative expression, go to my website www.SexualMystery.com and sign up for my Women’s Sexual Mystery School! Get on my email list and receive 3 tips to turn on your feminine sexual super powers. If you like anything I’ve shared, leave a comment and pass this link onto other like hearted sisters.