11/13/2015

Donald Trump Is Fucking Insane So He Is Probably Going to Win the Nomination

If we lived in a fair country with a fair media and fair-minded people able to see things fairly, Donald Trump's insane speech last night would be his Howard Dean scream moment. You remember the Howard Dean scream, where a microphone picked up and isolated the Vermont governor's enthusiastic cheerleading to rally a bunch of his voters at a post-primary loss event. Separated from the cheers he was trying to be heard over, his scream sounded like an unhinged parrot having an orgasm. Of course, it more or less ended his campaign for the 2004 Democratic nomination because the media replayed it over and over, seriously questioning Dean's sanity, even though its existence just shows what can happen when you separate a single sound from its context, like a Britney Spears vocal track.

Yesterday, in Iowa, GOP frontrunner and walking advertisement for loudmouthed, barrel-shaped men, Donald Trump, gave a 95-minute speech where he called Iowans and Americans "stupid" for wanting to vote for a pathological, child molesterish madman, which wasn't Trump himself, but Ben Carson. He attacked Carson savagely (and to this viewer's delight), mocking the stories by Carson that he was violent in his youth. You truly need to see that segment of the speech, which includes Trump eye-rolling, yelling, and, finally, as pictured above, trying to get someone to attempt to stab him in the belt buckle to see if the knife will break, as Carson claims happened to him.

And, considering the amount of time Trump spent talking about how amazing and prescient he was about everything, as well as promising to "bomb the shit" out of ISIS (no, really, those quotation marks are needed because he said that), the increasingly mortified and uncomfortable crowd might not have been surprised if Trump had dropped his pants, sat on the ground, pulled his legs back, and started sucking his own dick, pausing only to narrate how great his dick tastes and how everyone should want to suck his dick because it just feels good to have his dick there, jizzing into his throat and swallowing his own cum, triumphantly, before bringing out his daughter for a kiss.

If this isn't the end for Trump, if Fox "news" doesn't play this on an endless loop like it did Dean's scream, then you better be ready, GOP, because it's gonna be Trump or Carson and either way lies a kind of madness and irrelevance.