Reader. Writer. Romantic.

Incessant and controlling
She plans every minute of every day
From each meal
To the details of her dress
There’s nothing that she can’t control in her life

To her the world is a puzzle
Each piece has its place
Every piece has its time
There’s a certain way things must go
It’s all part of a plan
Her plan

She cannot control
Her desire for control
She cannot stop
Organizing and reorganizing
Her life
And the world around her

Everything is compartmentalized
Everything must go according to plan

On the surface she is perfect
Living the life others could only dream of
But even perfect girls have their demons

Late at night
When the stillness of the night is most fragile
At the time of night, where light, sound, and sword can pierce
She is all alone
Her doubts
Her insecurities
Gnaw at her
She sees her flaws
And she wonders
Who would ever want such a disaster in their lives?

She thinks about
every action
every thought
every word
She has ever
said
done
thought
Again and again
Until she breaks down
Until she breaks apart
Like a mirror
Shards of herself
Reflected back

Monster
Demon
Harbinger of Disaster
Of Destruction
Of Death

A Midas
Who is nothing but trouble

Who would ever want someone like me in their lives?
She wonders

And when the sun rises again
She puts on a smile
Convinces her demons to sleep
Steps into the world
And allows the control to take over

It is her control that holds her together
It is her control that fools the world into thinking she has strength
It is her control that maintains her facade

But there is hope

For every demon in heaven
Every angel in hell
Every sinner
Every saint

There is hope

She is strong
She has survived
A fighter in every sense of the word
She has something that so many spend decades in search for
If only she could see it
And recognize how truly amazing she is