Captain O'Hagan:
"Due to our tight fiscal situation, we regret to inform you we are still going to have to close your station. Good luck in Sherbourne, John. And give your men my best. Sincerely, Governor Fuckhead."

Police Chief Grady:
John, I'm glad you called. Listen, I have Bobby the Baboon in lockup, and he says that for 20 bananas, he'll provide evidence that John Chimpo is the pimp in charge of the Cartoon Network whorehouse.

Foster:
You know those really cheap Japanese cartoons? No? This is basically a cheaper, Afgahni knockoff. It's this monkey that basically travels around the world, doing nasty things. His butler tries to keep him in line, but, uh... no.