Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Another thing that came to me about the mandala (which is entitled "Slow Burn" - scroll down to the "Controlled Anger" entry) was that it seems to be representing this process I'm going through.

First, the original mandala was asymmetrical - it felt disordered and, frankly, a bit ugly to me. This represents the cancer diagnosis I received last fall. So, then I added lines to make it symmetrical - this represents me trying to gain some control over it - all the actions and treatment decisions I've made since then. I was trying to impose order. I then added flames which represent to me that the order I was trying to impose is getting out of control again. I feel out of control.

This makes me realize the fine balance that exists within me - I wrote awhile back about "life on the edge", where one thing can tip me over. I'm still walking on the razor's edge. I was starting to fall. The anger I feel right now is helping to keep me upright.