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Remember how sad it was when Will and Dr. Sam broke up on About a Boy? For a while Will had turned into an honest, respectable man, and it was a little bit distressing to imagine him going back to being the despicable playboy, wasn’t it? Yeah, never mind. Will 1.0 is back, y’all, and I, for one, say “Welcome!”

Let’s break down his plunge—as well as Marcus’s quest for forbidden love—as we tackle the latest hilarious episode.

Marcus is excitedly outlining his detailed “top-secret mission” to win resident high school bad girl Shea’s affection, despite Fiona forbidding him to see her.

Will: Is Shea showing any indication that she likes you back?Marcus: I am up to my beanie in indication!

“Indication” to Marcus means a few texts and a copped feel, of course.

Marcus: I got shoulder! I mean, it was over the jacket, but …

Will’s all for it, even though his inner “ambiguous paternal figure” thinks Shea is bad news. (Will 1.0.)

A sexy woman knocks on Will’s door, and after flirting heavily with her (Will 1.0), he becomes furious when she serves him with a summons. Seems one Anastasia Campbell is suing him, claiming she co-wrote “Runaway Sleigh,” which as we know is Will’s bread-and-butter. Will calls in the big guns (and by “big guns” I mean his best friend, Andy), who tells him to get a lawyer. Will can’t use his old lawyer because he slept with her (Will 1.0), so Andy suggests his wife, Laurie. “Perfect! I wouldn’t sleep with Laurie if she were the last female on a scorched planet Earth!” Will shouts. (Will 1.0 and 2.0.)

After discovering Anastasia teaches Pilates (thank you, Google), Will and Andy scope out the studio. Will instantly recognizes Anastasia as “Stalker Stacy” (Aimee Garcia)—by her butt. (Will 1.0.) Quickly running to Fiona for help, Will discovers her doing some doula research by watching a video of a woman in the Amazon giving birth.

Will: Will you stop for a second with the rain forest porn?Fiona: It’s natural! That is a vagina!Will: THAT IS NOT WHAT VAGINAS ARE FOR!!

Will asks for Fiona’s advice (“I’m hoping your crazy can shed some light on Stacy’s crazy”) and is furious to realize that when he was living in New York with Sam (Will 2.0), Fiona had an encounter with Stacy that might have been the catalyst for the lawsuit. Seems that when Stacy showed up on Will’s doorstep, Fiona spilled the beans about Will living in New York with his serious girlfriend. Stacy became inconsolable, so Fiona told her that she didn’t need Will and that she deserved “much, much more.”

Will makes Fiona go to the Pilates studio where Stacy instantly recognizes her. Hey, you don’t forget crazy, I guess. She tells Fiona that it’s because of her that she’s been focusing on what she really deserved: money. Uh-oh. When Fiona tries to backtrack and tell her that she meant emotionally, not financially, Stacy realizes that it was Will who sent her there. After threatening to punish Fiona on the Pilates machine, Stacy breaks down and convinces Fiona that Will is a monster.

While in a hilarious meeting with lawyer Laurie (who it’s nice to see in her element of cutting down Will while in a different element of her law office), Will admits that he had a “roughly eight-night-stand” with Stacy back when he wrote “Runaway Sleigh.” Laurie discovers Stacy is looking for back royalties and advises Will not to contact her. As if.

Will: That’s not fair!Laurie: You think our legal system is fair? You’re lucky you have good hair. You are the dumbest individual.

Man, she’s so right. He has such good hair.

Meanwhile, Marcus is having problems of his own. He’s on an unsuccessful mission to get Shea to notice him: bringing her a cup of water while she runs the track in P.E., showing up with a Bic lighter and a gas mask to light her cigarette (see main photo), and offering a vending machine’s worth of gum from the inside of his jacket since she’d earlier told him her breath was “ass.” Sweet-talker. You can see why he’s whipped. Shea tells him to stop being a “creepy little stalker,” which drives him to Will’s counseling couch, where he admits he feels like an idiot. I mean, it’s hard when someone makes you feel like a monster. Will 2.0 agrees, and hightails it to the Pilates studio to do some serious butt-kissing. Hey, it’s a nice butt.

Stacy—or, Anastasia, as she’ll be known as again in this paragraph for reasons that many of you will get and few of you will not (don’t sweat it)—isn’t interested in talking about dropping the lawsuit, and punishes Will on a Pilates machine fit for Christian Grey’s Red Room of Pain. Will yelps out that he’s sorry and admits he was a selfish jerk back then. He’s not that guy anymore!

Stacy: But you’re still that guy in the one way it counts, right?Will: Hell, yeah!

(Will. 1.0.)

Over at the high school, Marcus and Shea make up. She tells him that if he’ll be a little bit cooler, she’ll hang out with him. Marcus promises to formulate a strategy and put together a focus group. Um, can I be in that focus group? I say, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HER, YOU SWEET BOY!

Later, Will interrupts Fiona (who is Laurie’s doula), Andy, and Laurie by telling them that he took Fiona’s advice and he’s sure Stacy will drop the lawsuit. “I apologized to her several times last night. And now I’m going to apologize to her again.” He wants to know if he should buy a boat or a motorcycle with all his newfound moola.

(Say it with me now: “Will 1.0.”)

As Stacy leaves, she thanks Will 1.0 for the great time, yet promises she will not be dropping the lawsuit.

Player—played.

Favorite Fiona-ism:

Stacy: You literally changed the course of my life! You are such a wise woman!Fiona: Oh, that’s really kind of you. Really, I’m just a conduit for the wisdom of others.

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons