In The Stillness blew me away. A painfully heartbreaking, emotionally charged and beautifully crafted story of love, loss and healing.

YOU ALL SHOULD READ IT!!!!!!

I have to admit, when I first heard about this book, I was a little scared to start. It had a lot of dark and painful themes – namely that the heroine was a cutter. But from the few people I’d talked to who’d read it, all I heard were incredible things.

What convinced me to start though was finding out that it was a second-chance romance (one of my favorite kinds of love stories) and also honestly, just the sheer, raw, emotional reactions people were having to it peaked my curiosity to no end. I just *had* to see what it was all about.

My gosh, was it just mind-blowing. The writing was flawless and just so raw and honest, with perfect pacing and a beautiful flow to it that fully conveyed every emotion the heroine went through.

The book’s blurb really doesn’t tell you what the story is about so I’m going to ‘set up’ the story a bit for you so that you can get a feeling of what it’s all about:

Back in college, Natalie and Ryker fell in love. Truly, madly, take-over-your-life deeply in love. But after 9/11, he was sent off to fight. And when he returned, his body was in tact but what he’d gone through had left him with a severe case of PTSD.

“His body came home, but his soul had been devoured in the firefight of a godless desert.”

Situations escalated and some lines were crossed and they broke up. A decade later, Natalie finds herself in a marriage she never wanted, with kids she never planned on having, straying further and futher away from the life path she always dreamed of. She feels trapped and utterly miserable. Each one of her hopes dreams have come crashing down and every turn in her life has taken her further and further away from happiness until it just pressed in from all sides and became over whelming. And so she cuts.

Cutting for Natalie was a release from the pain of her life. I may not have been able to relate to Natalie on a personal level but I certainly understood her. She was in a dark place. Utterly and completely unhappy with her life, and yet stuck with it. With responsibilities and duties that tied her down in a way that made her feel utterly trapped, and thus fueling her unhappiness. It was a never ending cycle. Or, more like a spiral actually, that pulled her deeper and deeper into the darkness. Cutting was her way of finding control and finding release. It wasn’t right, or healthy, but it was her coping mechanism.

“I feel like a caged animal, rabid with need for freedom that was stolen from me.”

And then one day, out of the blue, she sees Ryker again. I won’t tell you any more, but just know that I loved every single line of this book.

The story is told in told in a mixture of flashbacks and present day story lines. The writing is just so fluid. There are no wasted words, no extra fluff. And despite the fact that it jumped back and forth in time, the segments were arranged in such a way that I was never once unsure of what was going on and the pacing and flow of the story was such that I there were no interruptions in my connection to the characters. You could just feel it in every scene that a great amount of thought, time and research had gone into the creation of this book.

I loved the kind of love that Natalie and Ryker had. Ryker was just it for her. You know? They had the kind of love that just makes you shake. Cry. Laugh. Ache right down to your soul. It was an irreplaceable love. The kind that, once taken away leaves a hole that no other person can ever fill.

“I love you for a reason, Natalie. You’re mine and I’m yours.”

I can’t tell you how strongly I felt their love and their pull towards each other. It wasn’t because of epic swoon or anything. Their lives were just an imperfect mess of wrong turns and yet STILL the sheer strength of their pull towards each other was just overpowering. Natalie’s best friend summed it up perfectly:

“You two had something special — it’s the circumstances that were shitty.”

I felt like I was on a constant emotional overflow. For the final half of the book I read alternating between crying and having a lump in my throat. My eyes were never dry and often tears were just pouring down my face. It was just one emotional hit after another. There were times when I had to stop reading for a minute or two, simply because I couldn’t see the words any longer through my tears.

“I love you so much, Natalie, and when I get home I’m going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop. But don’t, please. Don’t tell me to stop.”

Everything about this book was realistic, raw, and never hid the truth from you. I honestly can say that I do not have a single complaint about this book. Do I wish I could take away the pain of their lives? Sure. But would I change a single word of this book? No.

Something which was very important to me in this story and that I admired in Natalie was that despite all the pain, depression, and misery she was feeling in the inside, she never once let that seep into her relationship with her kids. She may not have wanted to be a mother, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a good one. She was kind, sweet, patient and loving to them. Always. For some reason, I wasn’t expecting that of her going into the story, and I was pleasantly surprised at that side of her. To me, what that proved more than anything was that she wasn’t truly messed up, she was just dealing with an overwhelming amount of sadness and needed an outlet. But the fact that she kept her outlet contained to herself spoke volumes about her as a person. At least in my eyes.

I honestly could not put this book down. Not even for a second. It was the kind of story that sucks you right in and makes you want more. The story was constantly moving forward, with no slow spots. It build in layers giving you more and more pieces of the story until everything made sense and everything came together.

Everything about this book broke my heart. But in a good way, you know? I just had to believe that out of the horrible mess of their lives, there was some room, some hope for a happy ending.

And it did have a happy ending. You really got the feeling that they had gotten to a good point in their lives where from that point forward, they’d be able to rebuild and heal together.

I will say though that despite my giving it a 6-star rating, I would just LOVE if the author would write an epilogue one day. Not like a whole chapter, and not even more of the story at that point, but I would have loved a glimpse into their lives maybe a few months, or even a few years down the road. I mean, I know in my head how it would have all played out, but it’s something I would have loved to read in her words.

That being said, the book was just PHENOMENAL. Seriously. One of the best I’ve ever read. I adored it with all my heart and it’s earned itself a special place in both my heart and on my favorites shelf.

I feel it’s the kind of story that regardless of whether or not you can relate to it, there is just no way that you won’t feel it deep down to the very bottom of your heart.

Excellent review! I jumped into this book after reading your list and have to agree it’s the best book I’ve read so far for 2013. Sad and happy tears flowed while reading this book! Thanks for your recommendation!