Portia de Rossi turned down an offer to appear on Dancing With The Stars — where she would have danced with another woman, in the show's first same-sex partnering.

Apparently Portia — aka Mrs. DeGeneres — "was the only star that could have pulled this off without completely offending the program's conservative viewers." Stunt casting? Yeah… but it would have been kind of cool. [Pop Eater]

Angelina Jolie on plastic surgery: "I haven't had anything done and I don't think I will." O RLY? Hmm. She also says: "But if it makes somebody happy then that's up to them. I'm not in somebody else's skin to know what makes them feel better about themselves. But I don't plan to do it myself." [Us Magazine]

Kate Middleton will help organize the Queen's diamond jubilee — alongside her soon-to-be-step-mother-in-law, Camilla Parker Bowles. Fun? I know her parents own a party planning business, but doesn't homegirl have a wedding to sort out? [NY Post]

Lady Gaga, Alicia Keys, Usher, Kim Kardashian and other celebs who were "dead," digitally, have come back to life, thanks to some guy named Stewart Rahr, seen here wearing some very subtle sunglasses. Rahr donated $500,000 to Keep A Child Alive. In other news, the stars involved were frustrated that it took so long to raise the money; an insider says: "It's the worst mismanagement of star power I've ever seen in my life." Another source says: "Some stars thought the money would be raised in 24 hours, and were embarrassed that critics said it proves nobody cares about their Twitter presence." [Page Six]

Michelle Williams gained 16 pounds for Blue Valentine because her character had "a certain self-hatred." [People]

And! Amy Adams is "slim" post-pregnancy. She "showed off her "tiny waist" on the red carpet. Yay? [Daily Mail]

Madonna's new boyfriend Brahim Zaibat says: "I am not the jealous kind. As long as I feel I am in control, everything goes smoothly. I cannot deal with external authority. Madonna and I are very alike when it comes to that." Say what now? You're in control? Ha. That's what you think. [Contact Music]

Paris Hilton, who owns a pink Bentley, visited a Rolls-Royce dealership in Beverly Hills yesterday, where she picked out a $300,000 Rolls Royce Ghost to test drive, and even took it home while she decided whether or not to buy it. This may be for her new reality show, in which she shops and parties with Brooke Mueller, but still: Ugh. [Daily Mail]

J-Woww's ex, Tommy, "may be in possession of certain photos of her that may be derogatory to her image and in violation of her contract with MTV." Uh-oh. [TMZ]

Serena Williams cut her foot and had to have surgery, but has bedazzled her cast, of course. [Page Six]

Do what you must to prepare yourselves: Randy and Evi Quaid are going to write a book. Star whackers beware! [Radar Online]

John Mayer sold his LA apartment — with "classy furniture, cozy fireplaces, purple velvet curtains and a disco ball" — for almost half a million less than he paid for it in 2006. [Contact Music]

Coming soon: American Psycho: The Musical. Can't wait to hear the breakout hit, "You're A Fucking Ugly Bitch, I Want To Stab You To Death And Then Play Around With Your Blood." [NY Post]

"I had someone correct my grammar on a blind date once, and I knew within the first 10 minutes that the date was over. I don't even remember what I said – I probably said 'ain't.' Just don't correct my grammar. I'm from Tennessee. I probably say everything wrong." — Reese Witherspoon. [People]

"I want to get some more weird animals eventually, I'd love to get snakes, I love them. They might not be a good idea around the baby though. We have alpacas on our farm because they're so pretty. They have lovely long lashes. I think they're really cool. I always wanted a mix of weird animals but that's the weirdest we have." — Nicole Kidman. [Contact Music]