Thursday, July 8, 2010

Last night I shaved my mom’s hair off. Well, what was left of it anyway. I tried to keep the top and front just a little longer, kind of like Jamie Lee Curtis since she’s been hawking Activia. When I was done and my mom looked in the mirror, naturally, she started to cry. Since I’ve been relentlessly positive with her since this started, I took a different tactic last night. I hugged her and told her it’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to cry.In the end, only a few tears were shed. We pulled out the wig, worked on styling it, fitting it. She has two turban looking head wraps, we took turns trying them on and laughing. When we were done, we toasted with valium, since mom can’t drink. And as she hands it to me, she says, “I bet the last time you took one of those was right after your dad died.” Ouch. That’s true. My grandmother’s answer to severe emotional pain is medication, so she came over with a bottle of valium. I took one. The next day, the rest were gone. 3 guesses who took those.She seems ok today. Maybe her long dormant coping mechanisms have kicked in. In fact, she just called me to see if I wanted to go out to lunch, since she had a dentist appointment near my work. I know she’s not looking forward to more chemo but I’m glad she’s come to accept that it’s necessary.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Mom's having a rough day. Last Friday's chemo and following 2 days weren't bad, she said she was feeling much better. Last night she even made herself dinner, for the first time in weeks. We were talking and laughing, and for a little while at least, cancer was out of sight, out of mind.

But today she's dealing with what she thinks is a toothache, but the oncologist believes it's jaw pain from the lymphoma dying off in response to the chemo. On top of that, she's got some sore on her arm, for which the doctor prescribed antibiotics. He says she's more likely to experience sores or infections from minor things because she her immune system is compromised. AND her hair is falling out. I offered to take her to get a short, short haircut, but now she's embarassed. So tonight I'm going to do my best to give her a pixie cut, and hey, if I screw up, she already has a wig.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

This is the ring that Isaiah keeps presenting me with, when he asks me to marry him. Lest he grow a bigger Oedipus complex, I kept explaining that I can't marry him because I'm married to Daddy. Today I gave in and said OK, I'll marry you. Then he patted my belly and told me I'm having a 3rd kid. Now which one of us needs therapy more?!

My mom has gone completely insane. She vacillates between meanest woman alive, and sweet old grandma. One of my BFFs explained that her sister went through a sort of bi-polar existence when she was having chemo. That describes my mom perfectly right now. Friday, she spent the day berating me, calling my parenting into question, and in general just saying the meanest things she could. Then Saturday she calls me and she's a-ok. Today she calls me and repeats everything she said yesterday. When I told her this, she said she doesn't remember talking to me yesterday. Have I mentioned her propensity to self medicate? She's eating Valium like they're candy. Great.On the major plus side, the doctor has her taking Prilosec for her stomach troubles, and when she complained some more, gave her something else for the 2 days after chemo, and she said she's feeling pretty good. I think it may have more to do with the fact that she spent the weekend with her brother and sister in law, and is having fun and not focusing so much on cancer, but instead on the things that are making her happy and making this fight worth it.