Simpsons Illustrated and 90's Magazine Ads

In 1991 there were 2 groups of animated icons laying claim
to the phrase, “Cowabunga!”. On one side you had the kid-friendly, pizza-eating
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the other the foul-mouthed, child-strangling
dysfunctional family, The Simpsons.
While the green machine may have sold more toys that year, there’s no
doubt who was getting the most exposure in magazines nationwide. With all those trees being cut down to
discuss their effect on civilized society, is it any wonder that Bart and the
gang decided to push their way onto the racks of the Kwik-E-Mart next to covers
of Time and Newsweek on their own terms?

At age 9, I was lucky enough to be caught up in the frenzy
caused by The Simpsons weekly animated sitcom and snag the first 3 issues of
Simpsons Illustrated. I guess after almost 2 years on the air my parents
realized that I wasn’t repeating phrases like “Eat my shorts” or “Don’t have a
cow, man” (how was that ever considered edgy?) so they authorized the purchase
of the magazines above that I still have in my collection to this day. Though
it ran for 10 issues from 1991-1993 I don’t hear Simpsons Illustrated brought
up very often in discussions of favorite elementary school reading material, so
allow me to give you a glimpse into the pages of this truly one of a kind
publication.

Starting with a table of contents modeled after Homer’s
Safety Inspector clipboard from the Nuclear Power Plant, you instantly knew
that you would be rewarded for your attention to detail, as little nods to the
Springfield universe were sprinkled throughout. Though there were articles
covering topics like how the music and animation were created for the show
(Yawn), most exciting were extras like this fake ad for Frosty Krusty Flakes
or a glimpse of a textbook page from Springfield Elementary complete with “El
Barto’s” doodles over the “courageous tale” of town founder, Jebediah
Springfield (aka Hans Sprungfeld, Murderous Pirate).

Also featured was a section called “In The News”, which
found headlines from around the country involving people sharing the same name
as Simpson family characters. For example, did you know there was a balding
Senator from Wyoming named Alan Simpson in the early 90’s? Well, now you do!
Who says Simpsons Illustrated had no educational value? The magazine also had a
comic strip page featuring short adventures of supporting characters like
Krusty, Apu and many others. This was a pre-cursor to the magazine eventually morphing
into Bongo Comics which featured titles I loved dearly, like Radioactive Man,
Bartman, Simpsons Comics and more.

For aspiring artists or those just looking to see their own
names in print, Simpsons Illustrated had pages where you completed a drawing of
a character and mailed it in to be included in the next issue. The "Draw Bart’s
Mouth" contest from the 1st issue resulted in some awesome entries, with
people not just finishing the mouth, but giving Marge’s ”special little guy” a
complete makeover. The Robocop was always my favorite, plus I really got
psyched by the kid that took it upon himself to draw a series of original
pictures featuring Bart as a member of the X-Men, Ninja Turtles, and an
assortment of other heroes. Radical!

The first issue also had 2 very special inserts included.
The first was a 3 page fold out “family tree” style diagram explaining how the
different residents of Springfield were related to each other. Again, this was
a time when the B and C level characters like stuntman Captain Lance Murdock
were not in much of the spotlight outside of 10 second gags on a few episodes, so
seeing guys like Sam the Barfly recognized as more than just a part of the
background at Moe’s Tavern was a revelation.

Also included was a copy of The Springfield Shopper
newspaper. Mocking the “who cares” style news of a small town, this added
another layer to the mythos of those irradiated rascals. On the front page was a photo
of the town’s famous batch of 3-eyed fish, but most entertaining was the
classified section where worthless merchandise from the Simpson family
patriarch’s brief stint as “Dancin’ Homer” and firearms supplied by Herman’s
Military Antiques were sure to delight avid watchers of the show. Even more
hilarious is the listing for bootleg Krusty t-shirts featuring “Black Krusty, Air
Krusty…” which was obviously a jab at the glut of bootleg Simpsons shirts found
in elementary schoolyards all over the U.S.A. in the early 90s, heck you
probably owned one yourself at some point.

Issue 2 was filled with more of the same fun, like this tear out
School Survival Handbook, which surely inspired another favorite book in my
collection by the self-declared underachiever, Bart Simpson’s Guide To Life.
The not so helpful and irreverent tips in the handbook, such as wasting your
school hours by Doodling, Passing Notes and Going To The Bathroom for extended
periods of time were surely the stuff of authority figure nightmares, but let
kids know, “Hey, Bart gets it.” As you can see, issues 1 and 2 of Simpsons
Illustrated were packed with entertainment, but with subsequent issues they passed into a
whole new dimension!

Arriving complete with red and blue lensed glasses emblazoned
with the Butterfinger candy bar logo, The Simpsons Illustrated 1992 Annual in Mind-Bending, Knee-Slapping, Eye-Popping 3-D was a sight to behold. Every page of this very special issue was in
3-D, except for the cover and even then they inserted the same image in the middle
of the magazine so that you didn’t feel cheated! Now when I say every page was
in 3-D, I mean EVERY page.

Second shameless plug for Butterfinger on the inside cover
in 3-D? Yep! “Behind the Scenes” pictorial enhanced to create the illusion that
you are partying with the cast and crew of The Simpsons? You betcha! How about
literal eye-bulging violence in the Itchy and Scratchy comics? Of course! Even
the ad for fellow FOX Network program Parker Lewis Can’t Lose got the blue
and red line treatment. Believe me, the Ferris Bueller clone’s 90’s fashion
sense looks even crazier in 3-D. It’s going the extra mile like this that
really endeared me to the show and the magazine all the more. Flipping through
these pages again really took me back to the wonder of tuning in on Thursday
nights at 8 PM for the first few years of The Simpsons animated antics.

There was a whole ritual involved. I usually flipped on FOX
Channel 11 at 7:55 PM and inserted my blank VHS tape, ready to push the record
button on the remote as soon as that angelic choir began their chorus of, “The
Simpsons…” Then I began chowing down on some Kung Pao Chicken from my favorite
Chinese Food restaurant, with a fork in one hand and my other hand poised on the pause button
for when the commercials started (I wish now I would have just left them in,
but tape space was precious). Before purchasing the DVDs of seasons 1 through
13, I had amassed a collection of about 25 video cassettes stuffed with almost
every episode, which were watched during most meals Friday through Wednesday
until the next week’s episode arrived. Yeah, they hooked me like a 3 eyed fish.

What are your memories of The Simpsons media dominance? Did you get your hands on a copy of Simpsons Illustrated or one of their other books?

BONUS 90’s Magazine Ads

There is nothing more fun than looking at old ads from days
gone by, so here’s a collection of advertisements found in the pages of
Simpsons Illustrated.

Does anybody remember these Chip N’ Dale Rescue Rangers
Fudge Bars in the freezer at your local grocery store? I often asked for the
fruit flavored popsicles shaped like Mickey, Goofy and Donald, but I never
caught sight of these choclatey delights. I have to believe these were also a
standard offering from the roving ice cream trucks during summer 1991. Anyone?

Pop Qwiz was microwave popcorn with a gimmick, you didn’t
know what color your salty-sweet snack food would be until after you popped it!
Neon popcorn was a no-brainer to market in the 90’s, although I was always much
more partial to the brands that came with a sour cream and onion or ranch
seasoning packet to dump in. Confession: as a kid, when all we had was plain
microwave popcorn, I would dump actual ranch dressing in the bag and shake it
up. Gooey? Yes. Delicious? Absolutely!

Willy Wonka candy seemed to be found at every fun event
growing up, but this ad shows the upgrades our favorite sugary treats were
getting in 1991. Jumbo Nerds, Double-Dipped Nerds and even Everlasting HOT
Gobstoppers trying to give Hot Tamales a run for their money. Plus, there’s
this weird offer for a Willy Wonka Secrets of Magic video that fascinates me. Has
anybody experienced this first-hand? Did they get Gene Wilder out of
retirement to pull Wacky Wafers from behind kids' ears, or at the very least put
a guy in a purple top hat to show off the Levitating Runts Trick? As it turns out, I'm not far off. You can see the cheesy 12 minute video for yourself through the magic of YouTube by clicking this link,
huzzah!

Finally, is there anything that takes you back to your
childhood play sessions in the 90’s like Koosh balls? With the appearance of rubbery Porcupines
or noodley Sea Urchins they arrived on the scene and forced us to play with
them through their hypnotic waving tendrils. Throw ‘em, juggle ‘em, pet ‘em, there
was nothing quite like touching that “kooshy” exterior. First they just added multiple
colors to create “Ultra-Koosh”, then they tried to make us identify with the
strange objects by adding faces and arms to create the Kooshkins! How many of
these little guys did you have growing up?

Ah yes, the Bart Simpson hair carving. The good old days. Remember when people had this: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Return_of_Superfly_(soundtrack)#/media/File:The_Return_of_Superfly.jpg

Those magazine ads are definitely from an early 90s magazine. You can see the mid 90s coming in (Pop Qwiz popcorn, anyone), but there's still a HW Bush era atmosphere (Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers) to them. Those Simpsons Illustrated issues had to be from the fall of 1991 into the spring of 1992 when we were getting a lot closer to 1993.

@jkatz I always saw that one at the bookstore, but I opted for The Simpsons Family Album and Bart Simpson's Guide To Life. To your comment it definitely wasn't for kids, but anything animated will catch the eyes of a child, while adults don't give it a second glance. So it was inevitably going to be a favorite in the schoolyard.

Did anybody else have The Simpsons Rainy Day Fun Book? Basically a giant activity book with card tricks, pranks, stuff you could cut out, and many more. I always thought it was bizarre because I never really considered The Simpsons to be a kid's cartoon per se.

I had reached that point in my life where sports became important to me (namely basketball and hockey) so I was watching that, or Unsolved Mysteries, and some of the sitcoms like Cheers, Night Court, etc.

@Vaporman87 That's The Simpsons Sing the Blues, my friend. I have it on CD and Cassette! I often find myself singing "Look At All Those Idiots" or "Deep, Deep Trouble" to this day. You didn't watch The Simpsons? Are you a communist? j/k What were you watching instead?

Ha! Two articles in one week with Simpsons references (the other by fuschnikt)... that's got to be a record!

I had no idea The Simpsons had their very own magazine. I should have figured though, as in the 90's everything had it's own magazine.

I like all the "inside" information that was in these. Though I was never really a huge Simpsons fan, I did catch it now and then. Not enough to know about some of the more obscure characters that got better treatment in these pages.

I owned very little Simpsons merchandise, but I did buy a Simpsons cassette tape with music on it, sung by the Simpsons themselves. I wonder if that's worth money on Ebay now?