BRAVOTeresa Giudice, left, and Kim DePaola on the finale of "Real Housewives of New Jersey."

To paraphrase the great American statesman Howard Baker: What did Teresa Giudice know and when did she know it? Generally, the answer is little, and never. But what is abundantly clear after this migraine of a
"Real Housewives of New Jersey" finale is that Teresa is no evil genius -- evil maybe, but no genius -- so there must have been some industrial-grade producer intervention behind the scenes to put Strippergate into play.

We open where we left off last week, with Angelo, the bald public relations day worker, telling the ladies that it's "going to be spectacular tonight."

Teresa is quiet, but Angelo looks down and asks her, "How are you, good?," making it clear they're acquainted. Melissa claims she can't quite place Angelo. "My heart's beating 500 again," Teresa says, because she hasn't quite grasped the concept of complete sentences. Kathy suggests it's because Teresa drank coffee, but Teresa knows it's because she a) set up Melissa or b) is about to get blamed for setting up Melissa. Teresa's mouth is hanging open like a guppy and she does indeed look like she's going to puke, which makes me think she's not the criminal mastermind here.

The models start prancing through the restaurant. Wow, this actually is a fashion show and not some elaborately staged set piece to ensure some weave will be pulled by the end of the night. Well, it's that too, but there's also a fashion show.

After the show, Melissa and Teresa retreat to the ladies' room. "Who was that guy who came up to our table?" Teresa asks her, even though she knows exactly who he is. (We even get a flashback to Angelo saying, "I know your sister-in-law, Melissa. We go way back. She actually worked for me" -- and here he looks straight at that camera for a split second -- "at a little gentlemen's club in Elizabeth.") Melissa is still in the dark, even after Teresa prods her: "Did you used to work for him or something?" Teresa finally, haltingly, says that Angelo claims Melissa used to work for him as a dancer, and that by greeting her Melissa seems to confirm this. Melissa merely says that she bartended at the club -- a Hooters-type establishment, not a strip club, mind you -- for about a week, and that was it.

Melissa is pretty cool about the situation, telling Teresa she was a schoolteacher when she met Joe Gorga, not a stripper, and manages to not slap Teresa when Teresa says, "During the day, but I don't know, at night?" Teresa claims to be angry that Angelo is spreading such lies, and thinks Melissa should confront him. Melissa says she doesn't care what Angelo says.

Back in the restaurant, Angelo is telling some random woman that Teresa and Kim D. plotted to blow the whistle on Melissa because she acts so holier-than-thou, and that they planned the whole set-up at the fashion show. And Jacqueline get a text from a friend (the same woman?) who tells her to sit tight, that something is going to happen but that Jacqueline isn't "the target." Reassuring! "Don't worry, Jac, you're just collateral damage!" Jacqueline gets more texts from the pal saying that Angelo said he planned to embarrass Melissa that night, and that Teresa was standing right there when he said it.

BRAVOTeresa Giudice confronts her sister-in-law Melissa Gorga over claims she used to be a stripper.

And in the bathroom, Teresa's mind games continue apace. She tells Melissa she believes she was never a stripper, but in voiceover Teresa says, "But now, I don't know so much. It just seems kind of kwinky-dink." Teresa says she only told Melissa so she could stop Angelo from spreading the rumor. But when Melissa whips out her phone to tell her husband, Teresa says she doesn't want to get Joe involved, because he'll just get mad at her and he might get hurt if it comes to blows: "People sometimes fight dirty." You don't say. Melissa calls Joe and Joe says he's heading right over.

Teresa stalks through the restaurant on the search for Angelo (while other diners are snapping photos and laughing. Sure, it's all fun and games until someone gets their hair pulled out). Teresa tells us that she wants to find Angelo before Joe does, because unlike Melissa, she cares about her family. Teresa says this with a straight face. Teresa can't find Angelo, and Kim D. tells her that he left because he felt uncomfortable. Why? "No one liked him." Kim D. says this with a straight face. "That's messed up," Teresa says, although this means Joe can't fight him, right? This is a good thing! No! It's bad! I don't know why!

Teresa finally heads back to the table. Kathy asks what's up. Teresa says Angelo was spreading lies about Melissa, and after speaking to Melissa, Teresa wanted to confront Angelo about it, but he left. Kathy says the guy seemed a little shady to her, to which Teresa responds dismissively, "Whatever." My God, woman, make up your mind. Either Angelo is a turd who's spreading nasty rumors about Melissa and he needs to be confronted, or he's a font of truth who is being unfairly maligned. You can't have it both ways.

Melissa returns to the table, and Kim D. sidles in next to Teresa. Kim D. apologizes and claims she doesn't know who Angelo is and doesn't know why he said what he said. "Shut up and take a walk," Melissa says. Kim D., who had gotten up, turns back and smirks.

Outside the restaurant, Melissa tells Kathy about the Angelo situation, and then Joe and Rich show up. Jacqueline and Caroline come out too, and Melissa fills them in as well. Joe tells Caroline that he wants to find Angelo and talk to him, man to man. "He's not a man, he's a coward," Caroline tells him. "Don't waste your time on a coward." Jacqueline tells Melissa about the texts from her friend and says she believes Teresa set Melissa up.

Joe talks to some guy who claims that Angelo only worked for him for that day. Curiouser and curiouser. The guy offers to call Angelo, while Teresa tells him to back off. Melissa shows up and brushes Teresa off, saying she heard Teresa was part of the set-up, but won't tell her where she heard it. Teresa wants to know who said it: "If you don't like to talk about it in front of people, why'd you just say that now? ... If you're not going to back it up, don't say it." That's coming from the woman who told her brother that Melissa is going to throw him over once a richer guy shows up.

Kim D. shows up outside, and Joe tells her to get lost: "You're the scum of the earth." Kim D. comes at him: "You're nothing. I play with the big boys. Don't (bleep) with me." And then she bald-face lies: "I like your wife. I had nothing to do with this." Joe: "You can't even talk you're so drunk and high. Go sniff another line. Shut up." Kim D. leaves, and Kathy and Melissa are trying to usher Joe away from the restaurant, but Joe wants to go back in and confront Teresa. Lauren and Caroline both say that Teresa told them that Melissa used to work as a stripper, and Jacqueline tells Joe about the texts from her friend.

The Gorgas get in their car, and Teresa finds Jacqueline outside and asks her if she told them she was behind the set up. Jacqueline relays what her friend texted her. Teresa claims she never met Angelo before that day in the salon. "You're trying to help, but you just caused problems," Teresa says. Jacqueline refuses to reveal the friend's name, so Teresa accuses Jacqueline of trying to set Teresa up. Caroline is watching from a distance and tells us that this may be Jacqueline's "aha!" moment.

Joe and Melissa roll by in their SUV, and they get into it with Teresa, who starts claiming that she wanted to confront Angelo with Melissa. Is this the seventh time she's changed her story, or the 12th? Joe reminds Teresa that he threw Kim G. out of their holiday party because Teresa was uncomfortable. What Teresa should have done was grabbed Angelo and tossed him out. Instead, Melissa says, Teresa has the gall to ask Melissa if she actually was a dancer. Teresa denies this. (See: "During the day, but I don't know, at night?")

Teresa returns inside and tells Kim D. about Jacqueline's accusations. "You didn't set her up," Kim D. says. She doesn't say: "Because I'm the one who set her up." Teresa tells us that Chris Laurita told Joe Giudice that he met Jacqueline while she was a stripper: "So maybe she got involved because she has some guilty conscience with the whole stripper past. She's a (bleep) (bleep)." Hey, here's a promising "Real Housewives of New Jersey" spinoff: "Strippers Anonymous." Women working through their agita about thongs and pasties. "Cathouse" meets "Intervention."

We fast-forward 12 hours. Apparently the season three reunion show, which Jacqueline did not attend, was held the next day. We hear snippets of the reunion as the epilogue rolls: Caroline and Jacqueline have not spoken to Teresa since the reunion show was taped (although they recently filmed the season four reunion show); Albie and Lindsay are no longer an item; Lauren has lost 30 pounds through a gastric band; Kathy's homemade cannoli kit hits stores this year; Victoria is attending college in New Jersey; Melissa and Joe put their house on the market to get away from Teresa; Teresa and Joe haven't seen each other since the Posche fashion show, and teresa recently apologized to her castmates (except) Kathy in a magazine article.

Our long national nightmare is over, folks. Thanks to RHONJ fans who follow me on Twitter! Follow me at @VickiHy.