Your First D&D campaign

Adventure awaits!

After painstaking searching the room for hours to find a secret door and recovering some sweet loot the party boldly ventured deeper into the wood elf lair only to discover the remaining elves entangled and unconscious in some creepy looking vines. The always noble McBain proposed slaughtering the helpless creatures and Percy Edgeworth agreed, but they searched their feelings and felt that ripping apart seemingly dead bodies was not something you wanted to do on a nice afternoon. Instead, shaking one awake they heard some nonsense about “him” and “summoning it” and were then attacked by a super angry bush. The bush raped McBain and the totally always human and never an fancy elf ever cleric, pulling them deep inside him, but in the end he and the wood elf minions that (believe it or not!) came to life and attacked the party all fell, only to be burned repeatedly by the angry dyke Elentári. Continuing on into the next room the party encountered a big-ass wood elf guarding a girl. The stupid McBain charged right in only to get himself attacked. After wiping the floor with the wood elf the party was told some nonsense about how the world would end if they sacrificed the girl, but before he could finish the story his head exploded and the Duke of Easthaven showed up with some guys and was really annoying. He thanked the party for their help and told them he was going to kill them. Some crazy ass magic dwarf living inside Elentári then teleported the party and the Bride onto a mountainside where they made camp for the night. Elentári decided then to skip all the exposition this entire encounter was about, causing his fellow party members to suffer from slight brain aneurysms as they promptly forgot that they had been teleported away from certain death, and instead figured it was a run of the mill occurrence rather than a god-damned miracle.

The next day the magic inside dwarf told them to head over to some chicken-house owned by a woman who (rumor has it) imprisons young girls. The old woman gave the party some more sweet loot and asked them to go find a shipment that hadn’t arrived. Leaving the girl with the woman who maybe imprisons/kills/tortures girls (mostly because her voice was really annoying) they ventured on to find the shipment.

By the side of a snowy road they found the busted up cart containing a shipment. Most of the party found some grain, but the crafty rogue found and swiped a bag addressed to the chicken-legged house lady (Babaganoush!). Then some pissed off wolves showed up and started gang raping the McBain. Things were looking good in that fight until a gigundo-wolf showed up along with a goblin sorcerer mounted on yet another wolf. The goblin cast a magic gas over McBain to hide the shame of of his being ‘knocked over by wolves’. The fight raged on as the McBain continued to be violated, the cleric kept setting up Elentári to get hit, and the Lawyer stumbled around blindly. The goblin, seeing the battle was not going his way, barked a command in goblin to the wolves, who turned their attention to the Rogue and knocked her the eff out. By this point most of the wolves were dead or dying, but the one remaining grabbed the fallen rogues bag and scurried off.

The Party made its way to the Enchanted Forest. Within they found tracks leading to a Wild Elf base. When they told the Elves inside that they were looking for the bride, they were attacked. Two Elves made a retreat upstairs. After beating the remaining elves, the party came cautiously up the stairs. After being hit by a dart trap they scouted the next room, finding even more enemies. The McBain and Rogue sneaked their way to the upper level and knocked the two archer up there off the ledge. Rogue tried to jump to a Primitive Chandelier, but failed. After fighting the rest of the enemies, they found a Crystal Puzzle sitting on a pedestal. The Rogue promptly broke it. After hours of searching, they find the secret compartment that held the items protected by the puzzle. With so much time taken to find the loot, who knows what the Wild Elves have been up to…

The First Day

The adventuring party woke up in a jail cell. They learned that they were put in there under suspicion of kidnapping the Duke of Easthaven’s new bride. It was explained to them that this might not be such a good thing for their health. A elderly Monk named Barnes told them that they were framed by the Wild Elves that live in the woods to the South. The Bride would most likely be held there. He also told them they could try and escape that night. With the help of Barnes, and another shadowy figure they escaped the jail in the dead of night. After an unfortunate incident with a rogue and a shop window, the guards were alerted to the party’s escape. They were then stopped at the city gate by a large guard captain with a great axe and his four policemen. The party was nearly beaten by the guards, but they managed to defeat them. They then made their way south to the woods.