Happy New Year everybody! This week’s WWE Superstars report is being posted a little later than usual, due to the show airing on New Years Eve. Although I cover Superstars for SLAM! Wrestling, I was busy that night enjoying large quantities of b…, ahh, nevermind. Anyways, on to the show.

Is there a worse way to ring in the New Year than hearing the voice of Michael Cole? Well at least there is some Divas action to make up for it. Melina has a most excellent ring entrance, but it will be a sad day indeed when she can no longer pull it off.

Match #1 -Melina vs. Alicia Fox

Two very shiny outfits in this match. Alicia hits a suplex and a bridge early. When Melina strikes back, Alicia runs out of the ring. Melina runs after her and throws her back in the ring. Alicia attacks Melina, as Melina tries to enter the ring. Michael Cole asks Lawler what they are going to do “tonight” for New Years Eve. Yes, he has the nerve to pretend this is live. Alicia pulls on Melina’s hair and smiles.

Alicia applies a move that is a mix between a camel clutch and a full nelson. Alicia applies a backbreaker on Melina. Melina spears Alicia into the corner. Melina slams Alicia’s face into the mat for a two count. Alicia turns it around with a backbreaker, but Melina wins with a sunset flip for the pin.

Winner via pinfall: Melina

Ask the Divas time. What is your New Year’s resolution? Beth Phoenix and Maria want championship gold. Natalya is going to take more calculated risks, Rosa is going to spend more money on clothes, and the fat pig doesn’t have any (I feel compelled to reveal that I am being sarcastic and actually think Mickie James is very attractive). They are asked about New Years traditions and answers include partying, watching the ball drop, and hanging with the Hart Family.

Did you know that last month, over 100 million photos of WWE ringside action were viewed on WWE.com. I dare the person who wrote that to change it to “Last month, over 100 million photos of WWE wrestlers wrestling in wrestling matches were viewed on WWE.com.” Do it.

Match #2 –Shelton Benjamin vs. Vance Archer

I hope Shelton gets a shot at main eventing a PPV in 2010. Josh Matthews claims Tiffany discovered Archer while he was wrestling in Japan. I am sure Tiffany is scouting Japanese wrestlers. Someone should ask her a few questions about New Japan Pro Wrestling and listen to the silence. While I am at it, what is with a general manager only having a first name? Would the Green Bay Packers announce that they are hiring a new general manager and that he just goes by the name Ted?

Archer applies a cool looking full nelson drop. Archer throws on a headlock for a minute, but Shelton escapes. Shelton jumps on to the top turnbuckle and dives onto Archer. Shelton hits a belly to back suplex and a bridge for a two count. Shelton tries to jump on the turnbuckle again, but Archer cuts his legs out and Shelton is tied in the tree of woe. Archer attacks him in the corner and does not break for the five count and is disqualified.

Winner via disqualification: Shelton Benjamin

A commercial airs for the huge upcoming edition of Raw being hosted by Bret “the Hitman” Hart. I really hope that this storyline goes well and does not get blown by some wacky creative effort.

Match #3 –Cryme Tyme vs. Mike Knox & Charlie Haas

Shad and Knox lock up early while Grisham repeats the nonsensical backstory on Knox. After Haas distracts Shad, Knox clips Shad’s knee. Knox tags in and applies a submission hold on Shad’s knee. Knox tags in and continues the attack on the knee. After Haas tags back in, Shad turns it around with an elbow and a clothesline. JTG gets tagged in and runs wild on Haas. Knox breaks up an attempt at a cover, and Shad sends him outside the ring. JTG hits the Shout Out on Haas and gets the pin.

Winner via pinfall: Cryme Tyme

A video airs on Batista and his nose ring. Ok, they did not focus on the nose ring. I just think it is somewhat effeminate for a professional wrestler. Next, they go to the Raw Rebound. I go to the refrigerator. MVP makes his way to the ring and they go to commercial.

Match #3 –MVP & Christ Masters vs. Carlito & Jack Swagger

Chris Masters is now a babyface because he shakes his pecks. MVP and Carlito start things out. MVP hits a clothesline and goes for an early cover. Swagger tags in and scoop slams MVP and hits a leg drop. MVP fights his way back and hits Swagger in the face with a knee. MVP hits Balling and Swagger escapes the ring. MVP dives out after him. WWE continues the trend of going to commercial when the action spills to the floor in the main event.

Swagger is applying an arm bar after the break. Carlito tags in and continues to go after MVP’s arm. Eventually, MVP makes a hot tag to Masters who powerslams Carlito. Masters applies the Masterlock to Carlito and then to Swagger. MVP eventually gets rid of Swagger, but Carlito hits the Back Stabber on Masters and gets the pin.

Winner via pinfall: Carlito & Jack Swagger

WWE sometimes breaks from the formula of having three matches on Superstars. This show had 4 and it felt a tad bit rushed. I really feel like Superstars is at its best when WWE has just one match from each brand. It gives the Superstars more time to tell a story. Overall, just an average episode of WWE Superstars.

Matt Johnson is excited for 2010. Join Matt on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mattjohnsonSLAM. Email Matt at mattjohnson62@yahoo.com.