Thursday, June 13, 2013

LITL: The hardest post I've ever written.

"Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; [...] For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:6, 8-9)

"And the Lord said to Job, 'Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty? He who argues with God let him answer it.' Then Job answered the Lord and said, 'Behold I am of small account; what shall I answer you? I lay my hand on my mouth. I have spoken once, and I will not answer; twice but I will proceed no further.'" (Job 40:1-5)

Last night I had a Job moment. I was angry and bitter towards God. I was demanding he give me an answer. How proud and foolish I am. Who do I think I am to demand something from God?

Brief back story. One of our Mixtecan families had their 2 month old daughter rushed to Children's Hospital in Birmingham. She is having seizures, which are getting longer and more intense over the last few days. The doctors she may not survive much longer, and if she does, she will most likely never go home. She will need to stay in a home for disabled children, because half of her brain is underdeveloped. Above: Her tiny hand clings to my friend's finger as she watches over her after one of these seizures.

My church and friends have been praying so intently for healing, comfort, wisdom, the whole package. Last night I reached my wits end. I was angry with God. I wanted him to just hurry up and heal her or take her. The uncertainty was killing me. My answer from Him came much like that to Job.

I realized God didn't owe me anything. He doesn't owe me an explanation. He doesn't owe me an answer. He doesn't owe this baby girl anything. He doesn't owe the mother her child. He doesn't owe the child her health.

He doesn't owe me my own child or her health.

I was way out of my place to demand anything from God because He is the creator. He gives and takes away, as we sang in church Sunday. He has a reason for what he does, and for no reason do I need to know what it is.

My job is not to heal or to judge or to decide or to understand. My job is to pray and to trust and to love on this sweet family and the friends that are ministering to them.

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:29-30)

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About Me

Hi. I'm a 25 year old wife to my high school sweet heart (barely) and mother to an almost 4 years old and a 1 and a half year old. I work as a ministry Assistant for Child Evangelism Fellowship, a ministry that has captured my heart and employed me in one way or another for about 12 years. My hobbies include painting, sewing, keeping swallow able items out of my children's mouths, and battling the never ending war on laundry and dishes.