I've said this before- I don't think any simple hetero/homo sexual categorization is useful early or ever when there are so many complicating factors for survivors of sexual abuse.

Normal sexual development gets derailed by CSA. My own wiring and Sexualization were tangled and damaged by what happened to me.

Addiction, shame and isolation further complicated this. When I acted out sexually in later years, my sexuality got further confused and tangled.

Ultimately I had to untangle my entire sexual development and learn to get some of my needs met in healthy ways, including learning intimacy. Deep inside, I still struggle with anger and a desire to control or even use others - deeply associated with my abuse.

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We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

I think it's different for everyone (potentially). I was abused by a male, but turned out straight. I think for some the opposite may be true. For some, they knew they were gay before the CSA... So it's a crap shoot.

_________________________
The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression. - Gary Larson

I agree-it creates confusion as to who we are--some experts have spoken about sexual imprinting can impact how we think--it may not change our sexuality but can wreak havoc--believing acts of abuser will be repeated by the child abused later in life--trying to undo or take control of the abuse--with no emotional or sensual feelings derived from the act-it is the sexual act and not an expression of a sexual identity.

It is important to recognize how abuse imprints the soul, because many people tend to think that it is mostly a question of repression that needs to be undone and dealt with. This neglects the structuring effects of such powerful impressions, structuring that becomes part of the victim’s identity and character. This means that to learn to fully be free from such history one needs to work on the structures that have developed throughout this abusive history and learn to disidentify from them, or bring them to a degree of flexibility and openness.

I've been thinking about this question, and here's what bothers me about it. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like it's posed in a funny way, as if gayness needs to be explained or somehow blamed on CSA. And I don't like that idea. I think gayness is fine. Straightness is fine. But then there's the whole web of attraction and specific things that people like, all of which it seems depends on things in your life or the way you were wired. So I guess it makes sense that CSA has an impact on a person's sexual identity. Plus, the confusion from CSA can make everything muddy. It's all so fucked up and chaotic to me.

Anyway, this probably isn't helpful to anyone so far, but consider this: Listen to Dan Savage (Savage love podcast) for a positive and sometimes wrenching point of view on sexuality. Maybe what's true for me isn't true for anyone else, and that could go the same for all of us, but it's important that we don't live in shame and humiliation about who we are, what we are or what we like or are attracted to. No matter what we are attracted to. And Dan Savage is nothing if not accepting. That doesn't mean he accepts abuse, he doesn't. He holds people accountable. He demands honesty and decency. He wants NO ONE to be abused/used or whatever.

So that's my recommendation. I plan on listening to the latest podcast later today.

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