During Sex, Is It Okay to Talk About Someone Else

While your sexual history is no one’s business but yours, there may come a point in your life when you want to share those details with a partner.

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Hook-up apps and websites have made it easier to find sex than love, but have they improved the quality of sex we are having? Without a doubt, we’re having more sex compared to when hook-up apps did not exist which also means our ratio of bad sexual experiences has increased.

Recently a friend of mine reached out to get my thoughts on sex, hook-ups, and why it’s common for gay men to talk about how amazing sex with another guy was while having sex. Perhaps some guys think it’s sexually stimulating to tell another man how big and good the other guy was and how good he stretched them out a couple of weeks ago. But I say a man’s ego needs massaging just as much as his body parts.

The pressure to be good in bed for a man can be catastrophic to his self-esteem if everything doesn’t go as planned. When you’re raving about another man while having sex, your partner’s ego is bound to be rattled thereby creating performance anxiety, and that just deflates the situation.

Perplexed by his last sexual encounter, my friend has been unable to wrap his head around the idea that talking about another sexual experience during sex may not necessarily be considered stimulating. I will say the bewilderment goes deeper. As a confident top, my friend was unable to maintain an erection with a guy who in my opinion was not present during their sexual encounter.

During my “party” days, I honestly can say that it was common for bottom guys to blame the top when they did not get hard. Of course, the first line of defensive…blame it on the drugs, and in most cases they play a part, but it’s not the only reason a man may not be fully erect. If your sexual partner is not actively engaging (present), being verbally arousing, is interested in watching porn, is focused on looking online for other guys instead of being with you, or is incessantly talking about other hook-ups, then obtaining an erection can become more of a challenge. The focus is elsewhere instead of the matter in hand.

As I told my friend, sex talk varies from person to person; the sad part, however, is that some people are hooking up with men who are simply on autopilot and have little to no time to figure out what you’re in to or know what turns you on or off. I believe when you listen, pay close attention to body language, sounds, and movements, satisfying a guy you just met becomes much easier.