About
Women

Women especially love a bargain. The
question of 'need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it
out. Anything on sale is fair game.

Women never have anything to wear. Don't
question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't
understand'.

Women need to cry. And they won't do it
alone unless they know you can hear them.

Women will always ask questions that have
no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling
guilty.

Women love to talk. Silence intimidates
them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have
nothing to say.

Women need to feel like there are people
worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah
Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

Women don't need sex as often as men do.
This is because sex is more physical for men and more
emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have
sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed
ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp
involved.

Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at
them from the inside. And they don't view it as being
untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

Women always go to public restrooms in
groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

Women can't refuse to answer a ringing
phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery
calling.

Women never understand why men love toys.
Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an
'on/off' switch.

Women think all beer is the same.

Women keep three different shampoos and
two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman
showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

Women don't understand the appeal of
sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape
reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how
horrible things could be.

If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll
pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things
twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21
outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing
each day.

Women brush their hair before bed.

Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and
you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.

Women are paid less than men, except for
one field: Modeling.

Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the
man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was
it that gave Adam the apple?

Women will make three right-hand turns to
avoid making one left-hand turn.

'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different
meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.

Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on
women.

Women cannot use a map without turning the
map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

All women are overweight by definition;
don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to
lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds
to gain.

If it is not Valentines day and you see a
man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation
by asking, 'What did you do?'

Only women understand the reason for
'guest towels' and the 'good china'.

Women want equal rights, but you rarely
hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the
responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek
equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking
out the trash, and picking up the check.

If a man ticks off a woman she will often
respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their
rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it
constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more
trouble)

Women never check to see if the lid is up.
They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl
and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up'
instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

Women can get out of speeding tickets by
pouting. This will get men arrested.

Women don't really care about a sense of
humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see
women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried,
do you?

Women fake orgasm because men fake
foreplay.

It's okay for women to dance with each
other and not be gay. You don't see straight men dancing
together.

Women will spend hours dressing up to go
out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out
other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men;
women will always catch men checking out other women.

The most embarrassing thing for women is
to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal
party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man
wearing a black tux, get me out of here!'