Never Listen to Your Mother!

I was right in the midst of a 'yes' moment where freedom and happiness gelled while driving my sporty red Alfa down a country road. Window down and warm summery air tousling my curly mop of hair, l grinned and slotted an Alanis Morissette CD into the player, turning the volume up to ‘sing along’ volume.

Smugly l congratulated myself on escaping a boring conference to enjoy what felt like a well-earned road trip home. I had power dressed for the event in my smartest gear, dutifully following Mum’s insistence to “always wear your best undies”. I now planned to swan in on my husband as a surprise, back early looking my stunning best.

The finely tuned car ate up the miles as l neared a familiar bend close to home, slowing below the speed limit to take it with care. Ridiculous really, as the Alfa cornered like a dream and was a joy to drive.

In a split second all hell broke loose. It was like being in a tumble dryer on high speed. Fragments of scenery flashed about like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, as the car nose-dived end over end, rolled several times and finally came to rest upside down in a ditch.

The tearing of metal and smashing of glass gave way to complete silence. For a brief instant l rested suspended in time, then in panic unclipped my belt and slid out of the window onto the grass, fearing an explosion or fire. An elderly couple pulled up.

“How are you dear?” a very worried gentleman enquired. “We saw it all and can’t believe you’re in one piece. I think we’d better get you to hospital,” he added while his wife gathered my possessions.

I was numb with shock and starting to feel very sore and sorry as they helped me into their car to drive me the few short kilometres to the local hospital. Nurses appeared, many of them knew me and they sympathetically and efficiently organised a message to my husband.

A young, very officious doctor breezed into the room and brusquely started checking me for injuries. “Can you please remove all your clothing. l need to see how much bruising you have,” he insisted.

“Do l have to?” l stammered as the nurses stared in amazement.

“Madam you have nothing to hide. I’ve sadly seen it all before. Take all your clothes off now,” he ordered with a frazzled look on his face.

With much embarrassment and pain l allowed my nurse friend to help me until l stood shivering, vulnerable and red faced in my frilly lace G-string. I’m not sure what was worse, the look of shock on the doctor’s face or the stifled laughter of the nurses.

Needless to say l have never worn a G-string since. In retrospect, l now believe that when your mother urges you to “wear your best undies in case of an accident”, the best idea is to completely disregard her advice.

15
Comments

hiMe

Yes, I can understand your embarrassment being seen in a g-string by a stranger!

acatch4u

It coulda been worse, either grannies parachute knickers, or ones with holes, or even worse . . . . tell tale marks from last nights curry :-)
Well done Susie

Zennon

Conflict Resolution: Maybe the answer is to not wear any underwear at all. No holes no frills no worries.

Janet

...years ago my Mother used to say...have you got clean underwear on and a clean hankie, in case you are in an accident...guess with the coming of tissues the latter advice is now outdated. I could never see the reasoning in this suggestion as I always imagined clean underwear would be the last thing on your mind if involved in an accident!!

MBC

Once after a car accident I was lying in the bed in the emergency room. They removed my shoes, now I make sure I don't have holes in my sox.

Robyn Hannan

Classic! Great story. I am however quite sure that your mum would never have considered a g-string your 'best' undies!! LOL
@Kate Campbell-Lloyd - I love that story too!

eddie

Sounds like a real blast to me, nothing like a bit of a show to show up a smartie!

Lady Byron

I have to say I was half expecting it to be a MAN wearing this red g string... good story though...

R

There's nothing wrong with wearing a g-string... it shouldn't be that embarrassing.

Tiff Needell

I spotted the obvious flaw in the story, Alfa's neither corner like a dream, nor are they a joy to drive.

Uncle Beasley

I feel like an old voyeur reading this story, but, really Deary, if you felt embarassed, you shouldn't wear a G string, ever. And you'll be more comfortable anyway.

kate campbell-lloyd

I think your red g strings must have embodied the 'aussi scanty panty'....made by all the post war brides for their first wedding night. Aunty Libby tells the story of how her button popped and down they came; the scanty pantie being it's name, at the turn style coming off the Manley Ferry into Sydney; for her honey moon night! Her new man turned to see her standing there blushing and said " you're hot to trot aren't you my girl" and grabbed her hand into a run! Her home made scanty panty buttons never let her down again!

Rainer

Look of shock? Stifled laughter? In which century did this story happen?
There's nothing wrong with a frilly lace G-string, full stop.

Megan

Well maybe what your mother really meant by 'best undies' was a clean pair of cottontails without any holes in them...

June Perkins

How embarrassing, one of those situations where you can see the humour afterwards but feel totally humiliated at the time. It makes for a good story Susie and you convey the incident with flair.