Let me say just one thing : Parisians don’t party like New Yorkers party. And vice versa. After extensive analysis, I’ve got a theory… It comes down to this:

The Parisian night is private. The New York night is public.

I had to deal with the cultural gap even before I moved to New York. It happened when, one night, I was out at the Boom Boom Room and I told a friend about my project of moving here.

And then the next day, bam. It was up on a magazine’s blog. Someone had overheard our conversation and simply reproduced it. A few hours later, it had raced around the web and I only found out because I started getting tons of texts saying things like,

“Congrats on your move to NYC, Garance!”

And that’s how a totally personal conversation that really, after thinking about it, shouldn’t interest anyone but my friends and I, became a piece of news. That’ll teach me to go have drinks at the Boom Boom Room. I was shocked !

Because that kind of thing would never happen in Paris. Those types of blogs don’t even exist there. We don’t have Page 6 (the super gossip page in the New York Post that everybody reads). Plus in Paris, the concept of Vie Privée really means something. Which isn’t to say that gossip doesn’t circulate, but it stays pretty hush hush and in smaller circles.

The night is secret. And I can tell you, lots of things happen…

New York is different. New York is a planet onto itself. New York has its own celebrities, designers, entrepreneurs, sons of, wives of, all of which you wouldn’t ever talk about in Paris.

New York has its own magazines and each of the parties has photographers. Every party is dissected and analyzed like it was the event of the century – Who was there? And with whom? What dress was she wearing? What shoes, what jewelry? Wait what?! The same as last time? OH MY GOD, fashion faux-pas! I can’t believe it!!! Noooo, she wasn’t wearing her wedding ring? Wait, zooooooooooom in, let’s take a closer look!!!

New York invented socialites. You go out to be seen and take part.

The result in terms of fashion is two very distinct styles.

When the Parisian goes out, her goal is to be cool. The coolest.

It’s that simple. She’s not going to a party unless her friends are invited too and would rather die then be seen without her posse. You don’t intermingle too much in Paris. You don’t network and if you do, you do so super discretely: networking means you need others, and that’s just not cool. Don’t even try to do a seating arrangement at your dinner. People will just sit with their friends. She does everything she can to not be in pictures, because wanting to get your picture taken is the opposite of cool. She dresses in her eternal outfit of jeans and high heels and her hair down.
Because really, getting dressed just to go out, pfffff. She’s got better things to do.

But really, in truth, she spends an hour on each smokey-eye. But what she’s really into is having fun in small groups, pretending she isn’t looking at the other little groups over there in the corner. Not surprising that the most popular clubs in Paris are small, darkly lit, and full of hidden nooks.

The New Yorker on the other hand, when she goes out, it’s because she wants to be seen.

She gets her outfit ready a week ahead of time. She borrows a dress from a friend in PR who can’t wait for the next morning to count the number of mentions her little protégée got her. She books a hairdresser and makeup artist to give her the perfect effortless look and makes sure that she gets to the party with all the right people. If she can’t find them, she just goes alone.

Cause anyway, she’s just there to meet people and shine. So there, even better to be alone in the picture.

That’s not to say that everyone doesn’t have a good time, from one side of the Atlantic to the other. In New York just as in Paris, people like to party and people do it well. And when they all meet, that’s when it gets even more fun.

But you have to know a few of society’s codes before heading out into the night. Or else, in Paris, you’ll end up getting there in an evening gown just like it said to on the invitation (half the girls show up in jeans, the other half in mini-skirts) or in New York, you’ll get there in a tracksuit when it’s says “casual” (and everyone else is in cocktail dress, updos abounding).

Yeah, all that’s a little bit of a caricature, but it’s happened to me enough times that it’s not far off. It never stops me from enjoying myself. Still, it’s happened more than once where I’ve looked a liiiiiiittle out of place.

Okay, next time, I’ll tell you my secret to always making it work. Yep, just like that, bam! Works every time.

PS : What kind of party girl are you ? More of a Parisienne or a New Yorker ?

I agree 100% and love your illustrations even more. When I was living in Paris, I also noticed the HUGE difference in the importance in the weight placed on Christmas and New Year’s Eve.
Going out in Paris in definately more cool, but then agin I live in Seattle.
xooxoxoxoxooxoxoxo

I’m a born and raised New Yorker but when it comes to partying, I’d much rather be a Parisian. Something about being laid back and cool, the quiet kind of attention grabbing, is really alluring and lasting.

I love your drawings I wish I could express myself this way, wonderful xx I love the differences between American and European dressing ! It’s never more obvious then on all the wonderful blogs out there xxx
Dawn xx

Garance this helped so much! I’m still trying to get used to the dress code in France – people dress up really nicely to go to school and then don’t seem to spend very much effort when they go to parties, it puzzles me.

I am most definitely a New Yorker! I want to be loud and everywhere at once. Posses are not my thing.

Sadly, I am neither…but I’d like to think that I could be both…I love small intimate gatherings with girlfriends when you don’t care WHO’s there or WHAT we wore the last time we went out for dinner and drinks. I also LOVE dressing up and going out to the places where people go to be seen…it’s such great material for people watching.

Hmmm… According to these guidelines, I’m more of a Parisienne partier, but I think the truth is I’m really not much of a partier at all, just a gal who loves hanging out with her close friends and wearing what she knows she will feel comfortable and look good in. I think I can not get noticed anywhere! What a skill, I tell you… Ha!

What a wonderful post, it was very captivating! I’m glad I stumbled across your blog. Who knew there was such a big difference in New Yorkers and Parisians!! I found it very hilarious actually, as I painted a mental picture in my head.

I would say I tend to be more Parisian…but I feel the pressure of the NYC way in Toronto.

Hahaha this is such a great breakdown of the 2 cities party lives. I live in LA so it seems to be a mix of the 2. People pretend they don’t want to be seen, like in Paris, but in reality it’s all the cat and mouse game to be seen, they really want to be noticed, like in NYC. We definitely try to plan a week (or more) in advance of what we’re going to wear. It’s like a daily breakdown in my brain of what I’ll need to wear, when and where this month. Oooooh cultures are so funny how they’re so different, and so the same.

Sublime illustration and you can guess straight away which is the Parisienne!
I can definitely relate more to the Parisienne way of going out. I’d say most people enjoy themselves more if they aren’t too dressed up and feel comfortable. Maybe concentrating on good makeup and accessories is enough to feel like you’ve made an effort and it’s much more enjoyable spending time applying makeup than trying on several outfits. So many Parisiennes look effortlessly stylish.

maybe just because I’m closer to Paris I definitely party like a Parisienne. to party, for me, is have fun with people I want to be with… that’s why every time I watch gossip girl I always feel like: really? is this what really happen in NY?

being European, living in NYC – I think there are many more differences between US/Europe similar to the way we party! Great article!..and i thought that it was only me who sees these differences (or making up stories in my head).. Can’t wait for your secret!

Maybe that’s why I hate going out in New York!
It’s such a big deal.
Having a camera handy helps me hide.
But being ‘cool’ in New York?
Not even on the menu.
Sometimes being incredibly UNcool is the thing – it’s what Bill Cunningham is looking for everyday.

this is a great article. after just spending 2 weeks partying in paris, i have learned how truly different the cities are. i love them both, but the differences are there. while i love paris, new york is more my scene.
xx, http://wordbyjessie.com/

Parisienne for my origin being french but definitely Londonienne!!after leaving 10 years in London still find it a twist with the english girl being either tarty girl or being very cool and opened!!but Parisien party girls are definitely more class………..

ok i feel like i need to defend new york a little bit! i am a new yorker who has also lived in paris. and, i feel as though no matter where you are, where you go — your friends make the city. i think that if you’re subjecting yourself to a place like ‘the boom boom room’ , hanging out with people who want to go there, you’re going to run into those types of tragic individuals who try too hard. you don’t go there just to ‘hang out and have a drink’! just as in paris, if you were to go to say, montana or somewhere, you’d run into the same types. i have had experience in both cities! with my friends, if we go out, its definitely not to the boom boom room. id rather die. i hate to say it, but i think that you’re hanging out with the wrong crowd! you need some parisienne style new york friends – best of both worlds. xo

I am considerably more Parisienne than New Yorker… it’s a happy surprise when you’re at a holiday party and friends & acquaintences alike compliment you on an accessory or the outfit you’re wearing… I dress to impress myself, never others. (If I wanted to get ‘noticed’, you’d find me in all the wrong separates or the everpresent ‘party dress’… A more apt description of what I wear to holiday parties: black cigarette-leg pants, clog boots or ballet flats or my new Balenciaga Burgundy platform loafers, an Equipment or Joie blouse, and some statement earrings or necklace that have already been worn by another — a stranger or my mother or my grandmother.) :) OOPS, there I go planning! OK but I’m an American girl, I can’t help but smile at the thought of an outfit — any outfit!

New Yorkers need to dress up at night because they walk around in sweats, converse, and jeans ALL day, where as Parisian clack around in heels and perfectly composed outfits from the morning metro ride to the evening monoprix run.

Also, keep in my mind that you are referring to a very specific kind of New Yorker in a very specific kind of scene. There is another kind of New Yorker party girl that goes out only in black, would never be caught in a dress, will never set foot in a club, and only attends invite-only apartment parties or concerts with their group of friends, the kinds of groups that it takes years to access, because these friends take years to make, in New york – just like in Paris.

LOVE your discription Garance!
I’m completely the Paris party type, however I do have a little well hitten New Yorker somewhere inside. But the times I have tryed I always end up not feeling like myself. This summer I went to a wedding in a beautiful designer gown, fancy hair due and everything. Looking amazing, but just not like ME… I felt a bit like a little girl in her mom’s cloths…

well done! i think everybody needs to read this before moving to New York or Paris, as they might truly find themselves out of place. Unfortunately, i must say the NY partying style is taking over the world, as everybody is into PR-ing while on a night out and that is just way to much to deal with for people who just want to enjoy the night quietly. I live in Rome and i kind of observe a mix of the two trends as people are on both sides of the boat. As for me, i think i will never change my Parisian intimate partying style (even though i am not French), as it is most rewarding and self- fulfilling from the stand point of a woman who treasures herself and has deep trust in what she represents.

However, having just moved here, I guess I have a couple issues with Parisian night life.

Its absolutely true what you say. Parisians go out in a posse & they mingle with that posse all night. Which I dont get. Why go to a new place to meet the same people? maybe its a matter of braveness?

Another thing I find (and you can strongly disagree) is that Parisians (especially the elite)are obsessed with class. They talk about people “at our level” very blatantly, to re-enforce to all the plebs in the room what “level” they are at. I am not American, but in my culture… to talk about your social-standing in a crowd, is like talking about your bank account at the dinner table.

I do like the fact that a Parisian girl can wear jeans and stillettos to the most flambouyant party (maybe even the Cesar).

But I also like the NYC girl as well who can get all done up in a party dress, shove “the girls” up a little, and step out completely by her lonesome to a swanky party.

What I dont like about NYC night life is just what you said. Because you are mingling with so many strangers even the slightest statement can get quickly out of hand by way of gossip. And I find even though people smile more readily they are absolutely less interested in what you have to say (unless its gosssip) than France.

Voila….there is my observation of both. I recognise the prose and cons of each and I have to say…For all the obsession with class, and the talk about “people at our level” ( to this I am thinking “wow…though you havent done one day of constructive work in your entire life & you spend the day shopping and drinking Madmoiselle?”). I do think I fit into Parisian culture a lot more than New York.

Great post as always. I moved from Istanbul to Montreal so I understand what you are talking about, I enjoy mostly NY kind of partying where you go out to be seen , dress up, etc. I miss my wild Istanbul night outings, here is more private, nobody is interested in you, you don’t see anyone you know, I am always the most dressed wherever I go.

I loved your theory .. I am more of a Parisienne in my outings and friends events. However, when it comes to family and special events I tend to be a New Yorker.

As that is the reality here in my country Bahrain. We love to have fun with our friends in parties and don’t like to be in the spot, and in special events we love to be in the spotlight so we plan our dresses and book a hairdresser and makeup artistes.

A comparison between New York and Paris is always very interesting, they are two major fashion cities but so different. I love Paris the most but have never really had any suggestions on where to go out at night. Could you make a post with the best night spots?
Lily

I will be completely honest- I can go form tracksuit to (sparkly)jumpsuit . When I dress for a party generally I think being a little overdresses is better safe the sorry, but I have had gone to a grey-on-grey party… a sweatsuit was the protocol.

Tooootaly Parisienne!!!! What’s the point of going out: 1st alone 2nd only to be photographed 3rd not feeling comfortable in your own clothes! maybe it’s not just a Paris thing… It’s a Europe thing..!
xoxo
ion:)
thefashionwithcurves.blogspot.com

Funny! Last time I was in Paris we bumped into my (ex)boyfriends old friend and organised to meet him that night for drinks. His girlfriend arrived in a tight black mini skirt, black tights, black high heels & a red Isabel Merant bobble jumper – hair scrapped back in a ponytail and red lipstick…… It was effortless though….. She happens to resemble a young Michelle Pfeiffer! Luckily, I (from London) was wearing black skinny jeans, heels, black Stella Macartney jacket, bretton top & neck scarf = Parisienne!

those illustrations are AMAZING. really captures the essence of your posts. i’m definitely more parisienne – i hate photos and facebook, am too lazy to dress up and love hanging out with my friends! and i hate networking!

Definitely a Parisienne, but I live in San Francisco. Whenever I visit my friends in New York I always whine about how many bars we go to in a night… but why?? We are happy here. We are in a group of twenty and will have the same time here as there…. Ugh…

I love your post and completly agree with your analysis of the French parties & lifestyle! The closed groups gatherings and sometimes pretentious girls gossiping (or even bitching) about another who just overdressed to feel pretty, really bored me… I’m so happy to be Viennese, now!
It’s underdressed and casual most of the time but with the carnaval and ball season from november to march, you have the perfect occasion to dress up !!!

I’m definitely the Parisian type! I’m always in jeans and a t-shirt, but dressed up. I like hanging out with my friends, and hate photos. I would rather be the cool girl in the corner than the popular one in the photos :)

It really all depends on my mood…I feel like I can go either way, although at almost 40 and a mother of two my absolute *favorite* way to party is dressing up especially for my husband and going out to a nice dinner together…no scene necessary ;)

Garance I just find out I’m a parisian girl. I live in Rio de Janeiro and I ever tought I was a Sao Paulo’ girl, but if things really does happen like you describe (amazing by the way) I guess I’m from Paris. Of course even when you does not shows it you want to be seen but in my case for the right reasons.

New York! Because it is trying too hard to a) try so hard not to try b) focus on “cool” c) waste time worrying about being overdressed. It is embracing life and fun to say, “I want to wear this gorgeous dress and I will!” It is embracing youth and beauty to say “Hey, I want to go out and shout from the rooftops that I look great in this dress.” Own it! Don’t hide it faking that you don’t care. Life is too short for that. Life is too short not to love your party dresses.

I like this post a lot. I am a New Yorker for 11 years, but I am originally from South America. Now I’ve never been to Paris so I live through blogs and photographs and my great French friend. However, I do see myself dressing rather Parisian for parties. I found this to be true when I went to Las Vegas last year for Christmas. We were a group of 4 heading to a club and we definitely stood out from the beginning while waiting on-line. The gals wore little party dresses (esp. strapless) and heels while I wore cropped, black skinny jeans, a white tee and 2 bold necklaces and earrings paired with flats. I definitely did not stand out but I have to say, I felt comfortable and was able to walk back to our hotel easily. Aside from that experience, I’ve always preferred intimate social gatherings where I don’t feel cramped and intimidated.

you are so right Garance……living between LA , Paris , Madrid and San Francisco for the past 10 years , I can say that you totally nailed it, girl ! My mom always told me that giving visiting cards at night was very rude, so for the evening I had these gorgeous Victorian cards printed with just my name, no email, no phone number , nothing …but in NY and LA everyone throws their business cards at you like they were in their offices….so NOT cool, so NOT sexy…
give me Paris soirees anytime .
i love the mystery.

I would love to say I party but I do not…
Some times I drink a little winer or smoke, a little wacky w__d….but usually just at home with my husband…
I would rather shop all day come home to a great dinner and then a bath and sleep…

Uh Oh! Just reading the title makes me shake my head in anticipation of what’s to come after the girls at fashionista.com read this. They are going to pick this post apart word for word and I love it! So Entertaining! You are unequivocally right by the way, having lived in Paris for 6mos, Parisians have cool chic right down to the belt buckle.

Cultural graps are pretty much the story of my life since I moved to the States from Greece 7 years ago. If I’m still qualified to speak for the Greeks, I’d say that they probably dress like New Yorkers but party like the Parisians. Or used to, pre-crisis, anyway ;)

well… I must say: in NY is easier to make new friends in Parties than in Paris. I went to parties in both cities and in NY usually I even share a cab ride with completly ramdon people and go out alone is fine.
In Paris this totally a no no…why?
As far as im concern Rio and Berlin are the best

Since I’m from Northern California, I’m probably a bit more Parisienne in the way I dress and I love a dark corner, but since I’m an American chick, I’m never afraid to go to a party or anywhere, alone.

I just came back from Paris and absolutely loved it! Everyone was just so friendly! I stayed at Hotel Thoumieux and it was wonderful!!!! And I absolutely noticed how everyone dresses there – so chic and the girls are so french (being american), the men looked good too. The two girls that worked at the hotel were so Parisienne with their perfectly fit black blazers and one girl had on light faded blue skinny jeans and black high heeled pumps. Bare face with mascara. Soooo effortless and sexy. I want to adopt the Parisienne style! I love Paris!

ahhh garance. you are the epitome of fashion vs real and i love your blog. i think nyc used to be a little more like paris, maybe even a little grimier, a little more “who gives a fuck”. i can’t say i am either because when i go out, i spend very little time on make up and fashion yet i know i am still playing coy half taunting half ignoring the need to be seen! i love your perspectives and comparisons on things though. xo

i am from Belgium and absolutely not familiar with the Paris going out style! But I do know the NYC scene, when we go out for dinner, everybody wants to be in The Spotted Pig, the Minetta Tavern or the Waverly inn! My beau hates it: all about hipsters and not about quality! It is crowed and a reservation does not mean a thing: when models come in, well bad luck (i am just 5ft)! everybody wants to be in the Boom Boom room because it is impossible to get in! So we are looking for a restaurant for NYE and believe me it is hard: do we want to go where all the hipsters are, and do I have to wear my Dior dress? or do we want to be where all the upper east side women are with their amazing plastic surgery cheeks? We have absolutely no idea (PS suggestions are welcome)! I have to be honest I am more of a ma tu vu girl, my beau is more of a: I want quality man!

I’m from California, but live in Paris so I definitely know both sides! And I am hands down NewYorkaise/Californienne. Going out is an excuse for dressing up and showing off: high heels, dresses, skirts, looking your best, and meeting as many people as you can.

I’m Norwegian, and I think we are neither of the two. Everyone knows eachother and if you go out, the city is so small, you will end up meeting someone you know anyway. It’s so cold here in the winter, so it’s impossible to wear high heels every day because of the snow. So i guess most norwegian girls are New Yorkers because they really want to dress up when they can and look sexy, but the sense of style is more like a parisienne. The scandinavian style is very simple and laidback, so it’s never going to be New York. Everyone just wear the same uniform of acne pistol boots (or converse) and blouse, cheap monday jeans (or miniskirt) and their hair down.

definitely parisian. i come from jakarta indonesia.. and im surprised to know that jakarta is sorta like new-york with all the socialite society, photographers, wifes/husbands, etc you mentioned up there.. gossips travel at lighting speed.. we are twitter’s #1 user in the whole wide world.. weddings are soooo HUGE here. people book the entire hotel ballroom with 3000 guests here and the guests? well, they book makeup artists to come to their houses to prep up.. (i can come up with a whole list for this..)

on the other hand, i dont like this ‘tradition’ at all.. i like the discreet parisienne style better.. i choose to stay away from that side of jakarta and prefer to keep it to myself :)

Paris is an insider’s city, hard to break into though everyone looks gorgeous and as though they are with friends, having fun rather than showing off to a wider audience. It is easier to meet people in NY, but not to make real friends; it is depressing to be talking to someone who is looking over one’s shoulder to spot someone more important/useful. Also the fixation with being seen wherever is most fashionable right now rather than judging a venue on its merits can be wearing. (and an obsession with money/status to match any European focus on class) London is a mixture of the two which can be the best or the worst aspects…

From reading this amazing and honest article, I am more of a Parisienne Party Girl! I like discreet luxury rather than Vaboon Luxury!
But NYC parties are fascinating to watch. As the article mentioned, lots of photos, great fashion and all the same socialites posing for their pictures. Parties in Paris will be great to see in photos, magazines and websites but it is not available at all.

More of a Parisenne {but way less cool I’m sure} because I am not going around in 6 inchers that make my feet hurt and a tiny dress in which I need to sit a certain way. Ick. Plus I believe in privacy which many others don’t. You can sit down next to someone you don’t know, not say anything, then learn their life story all without asking them questions about it. What happened to the air of mystery people?!

Now I’m am waiting to learn how to make it work Garance!! By the way, I have to tell you that I love, love your writing. A book with your photographs and writing…would be a dream :)

I don’t understand Parisian nor other French parties and nightlife at all. I’ve been to private parties and fancy celeb clubs and I’ve felt weird each time. Everybody are so controlled down to the tiniest detail in their looks, behavior and communication. All these restraints people put on themselves.. isn’t that what you try to loosen up on when you go out?
But maybe New York’s like that too?

Where I go in Denmark we get drunk. We dance ugly, we yell, we sweat and we talk about everything with everyone.

I’m a Parisienne dresser but a New York socialiser, but I’m never there just to be seen. I like to think that all in all it is very Australian- relaxed dressing, relaxed attitude, relaxed conversation with all involved :)

Paris, all the way!
But here in Chile they tend to copy everything from the US, like EVERYTHING. Chilean peeps, they love to be seen and to appear in different social pics the day after. I look at them like “seriously?”. I prefer to appear in a day picture, not with that drink and that face haha. Maybe because I lived in Paris with mi parents when I was a teenager, don’t know.

Garance, I’ve just moved to Paris from the UK and I’m struggling with just this… how do you make friends here in France? The coolest people are the most closed and I don’t know how to break through that! It’s so different to parties back home.
Great post as always, I’d really appreciate your feedback on this. Bisous xxx

I’m more of a Parisienne because being with my small circle of trustworthy friends is more enjoyable than seeking acceptance from strangers. Not to say that I didn’t do the whole New York partying-style, but I was single and ready to mingle at the time. :)

You’re funny! that’s a tiny lens for viewing NY nightlife. You can have fun here OUTSIDE the fashion world too you know…believe it or not, there are many smart, successful, beautiful, fun, happy, real, people who go out and have a great time, without even thinking about being in pictures. The question is what world do you want to be in? Only fashion?

I live in Shanghai and it has both sides – the dressed up is for Chinese, and more relaxed “cool” secret or home parties for expats. And as majority of expats here r french, its very Parisian style i guess:D

I am so tired of these comparisons and these lists about New York vs. Paris, for the reason that they seem to just make Paris seem to be some sort of magical kingdom, with inhabitants who are far superior in dress and character Americans.

Step outside your glossy boundaries and away from the Boom Boom Rooms and I’m sure you’ll discover, people who don’t care about your social status, what shoes you are wearing, or your contact list. There are plenty of other places where people will be more concerned with the music that is playing, the work of an artist, or the words of an author.

Look around. The majority of people in this city are working their butts off to make their dreams come true. Why not write about those people? It would be more interesting.

I know I’m days behind catching up on your blog, but I’ve been at parties! In Atlanta. In the suburbs I’m usually overdressed and in town I dress more simply. I think I don’t like to be dressed like everyone else, so I tend to do something different than what everyone else is doing.

So lovely! I’m in Chicago, but I’d like to think I’m a good mix of the two — I embrace how I look, definitely don’t perpetuate rumors or others’ business, but must admit I love meeting new people and their people!

If I’m totally honest… I love to craft and plan ahead my outfits, it is part of my self -expression, so in a sense I am more of a New York party girl. My true identity is a London girl, a cross between NY and the Parisienne that I always aspire to be. You can actually tell from my blog posts …

This is funny. I just went to a party last night where everyone was all dressed up. I noticed that our french friends were so casually cool. My boyfriend was wearing a suit. I wore a cocktail dress. The french guy friend wore jeans and a causal wrinkly shirt that showed a lot of his chest. His beautiful wife wore a bohemiam style long dress. Tank top and long flowing skirt. Definitely day wear. They looked so nonchalant and cool though! It made me a little uncomfortable looking at them because they looked so much more relaxed then us! Not to mention 90 percent of the party was dressed like me and my boyfriend. So cool. So French!