CHENEY COUNTS ON AUSTRALIAN SUPPORT AS HE OUTLINES FUTURE WAR PLANS

SYDNEY, Australia — China’s recent anti-satellite weapons test and its continued military buildup are “not consistent” with its stated aim of a peaceful rise as a global power, Vice President Dick Cheney said in a speech in Sydney.Cheney also expressed wariness about North Korea’s commitment

As anti-war demonstrators clashed with police outside the hotel where Cheney was speaking, the vice president also expressed gratitude to Australia for sending troops to the Iraq war, which he said must be won or terrorists would be emboldened worldwide.

” If I didn’t have a pacemaker and if I was in good shape, I’d grab an M-16 and kill those killers in the Middle East!” fumed Cheney. “but since I must run the war from here, I’ll have to rely on those good, patriotic, National Guard kids to do it for me. I sure hope they reenlist so we can bomb the crap out of Iran next month!”

“I’m glad that Australia is with us in this fight,” continued Cheney, ” The reason I’m glad, is that Australia’s contribution to the war doesn’t amount to a hill of shit, but that we can use the word ‘Coalition Forces’ instead of ‘U.S. forces’…..It makes it look like we have some allies fighting with us.”

“Yep, we’re gonna need more help when we,…..” Cheney unfolded a paper an aide handed him….” when we nuke Iran, Mexico, Venezuela, North Korea, China, Sudan, Somalia, Angola ,and Russia….We thank Australia for its friendship and future continued help in this war on terror.”

Australia’s Prime Minister, John Howard, sharing the podium with Cheney started to tremble and turn pale as Cheney spoke, and was whisked away by attending paramedics.

” Must be something he ate, ” joked Cheney.

Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.