Maybe that is the problem. Try being yourself for awhile. Instead of trying to change for everyone else, why not find friends and/or men who appreciate you for who you already are?

If I have to, I will drive 10 hours and kidnap you. You may not eat too well at my house, but I think I can get that self-image of yours to improve.

Make a list of all the good things about yourself. Ask your parents for a few ideas. I bet you have a LONG list.

I will start you off:

1. Compassionate about animals.2. Kind towards people.3. Sensitive4. Humorous5. Athletic (although doesn't know left from right in ski photos)6. Willing to learn 7. Physically in shape and a beautiful face8. Willing to listen to Joyce about life strategies

Joyce, you should be a life coach

"If I were not a man, I would like to be a bird. As I am a man, I do the next best thing, and ride a bicycle." -- Rev. Maltie, a cyclist in the late 1800s

maturely, where i am today at 28 is almost completely different than where i was at 21. i think most people have self esteem issues, some just more than others. everyone is right, though, when they say you need to be you. you are still young and are probably still finding out who you really are. now is the time to grow and lead your life into the direction you want it to go. there is time to allow a good man to come into your life after you know who you are. joyce needs to teach you how to have fun!

On May 18 2007, 00:10, luvmypitties wrote:Yes I do... and that is the main reason I see my therapist. I have tried to get him to go and see mine with me as mine does couples as well and he refuses to.

Game, Set, Match.

He is refusing to do something as simple as sit and talk for an hour with a therapist? It will help you as an individual and you as a couple but he won't do it. I'm really having a hard time seeing the merits of this relationship.

And I will guarentee you this: no matter how much you "change" to make this guy happy, it will never be enough and he will never be happy.

I have a lot more in common with guys. I never really had many girl friends growing up. I was a major tomboy when I was in middle school. I like to get dirty (like with dirt or grease or whatever...) like to work on cars, hike, kayak and such. Not many girls are like that and everything is a competion with them. I am trying to learn to be more like a girl.

"More like a girl"? Huh? I did all of the above, and with just as many men as women.

Michelle

Inside me is a thin woman trying to get out. I usually shut the bitch up with a martini.

and i think more often than not most men think about what its like to be with a friend thats a girl. maybe in CA, where most of the men are gay, dont think about sex all the time but the boys over here DO pervs! all of em!

and i think more often than not most men think about what its like to be with a friend thats a girl.

I strongly disagree. Sure, some probably do, but not every man thinks with the lower head - I'd prefer to believe that not even half do.

In my personal experience, the people who insist that guys and girls can't be friends are the ones with the hangup... not everyone else.

I agree with Michelle. Maybe it is the type of men you know, not knowing any of them I cannot say for sure. I do know I have a LOT of mature male friends who are nothing BUT friends. IF the thought of sleeping together has crossed their minds they have never acted upon it. Some of these men I have shared hotel rooms with, some I have even slept in the same bed with. Nothing sexual ever occured, it was a matter of friends sharing a place to sleep, nothing more...nothing less.

boys and girls that have lots in common and like hanging out together dont become friends. they marry each other

That is a VERY silly statement. They also become & STAY friends. What happened to love, commitment? If just having things in common makes a relationship marriage material no WONDER the state of marriage in this country is in such a shambles. I have male friends I have had for 30 years. We have a LOT in common & we ENJOY each others company. Marriage has never crossed ANY of our minds.

ANd sweeping generalizations bug the crap out of me. Why on earth would you think most men in Cali are gay?? That is insane.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

I love my therapist! I dont want to change. He is helping me with my self esteem and everything that is wrong with me. the guy is a big part of it all. I am not willing to give up on that yet! Not when the guy gives me a glimmer of hope for us.

And sorry to burst some bubbles no numbers will be given out... haha!

I ask him all the time to tell me how he feels but he nevcer really tells me how he feels. I am not sure if he is still IN love with me. things are just so different now. I am stuck at a crossroad!

Tina
Our thoughts and prayers are with Mick and Christine! We love you both!

RIP my precious Noah! You are greatly missed and still so loved!!! 7-12-06-- 2-21-07
RIP Abby! I always loved you!

On 05/21/2007 11:56 AM, luvmypitties wrote:I love my therapist! I dont want to change. He is helping me with my self esteem and everything that is wrong with me. the guy is a big part of it all. I am not willing to give up on that yet! Not when the guy gives me a glimmer of hope for us.

And sorry to burst some bubbles no numbers will be given out... haha!

I ask him all the time to tell me how he feels but he nevcer really tells me how he feels. I am not sure if he is still IN love with me. things are just so different now. I am stuck at a crossroad!

You are just not getting it, and I'm afraid to say that you won't listen to anything we are saying til he completely breaks your heart.

It'll be a sad road, and you'll eventually make your way out onto a strong healthy path, but you are stuck in what you are perceiving as LOVE, when it is not . . . at least not on his part.

I see where you are all coming from. It is a harder decision to make than ti seems, atleast for me anyways. I havent had any real family there for me my enitre life, I guess when I started dating him i saw a future and everything in him. I still see it and I guess I am scared to let go of it. I just want to try to make it work and if it doesn't I will be cruched but I will ahve learned an important lesson.

I really do appreciate everything you all have said to me. It makes me feel I guess loved. I do take everything you say to heart and mind. I think about it I am just not strong enough to act upon it yet. When my strength is boosted by a failed relationship then I think i will be able to do something but as of right now I will wait and see what happens!

Tina
Our thoughts and prayers are with Mick and Christine! We love you both!

RIP my precious Noah! You are greatly missed and still so loved!!! 7-12-06-- 2-21-07
RIP Abby! I always loved you!

On 05/21/2007 11:56 AM, luvmypitties wrote:I love my therapist! I dont want to change. He is helping me with my self esteem and everything that is wrong with me. the guy is a big part of it all. I am not willing to give up on that yet! Not when the guy gives me a glimmer of hope for us.

And sorry to burst some bubbles no numbers will be given out... haha!

I ask him all the time to tell me how he feels but he nevcer really tells me how he feels. I am not sure if he is still IN love with me. things are just so different now. I am stuck at a crossroad!

You are just not getting it, and I'm afraid to say that you won't listen to anything we are saying til he completely breaks your heart.

It'll be a sad road, and you'll eventually make your way out onto a strong healthy path, but you are stuck in what you are perceiving as LOVE, when it is not . . . at least not on his part.

Good Luck!

- Anthony

Anthony is right. I know this because I was once in your shoes. Doing every thing I could to make a man happy who just wasn't happy period. I got to the end of my rope ( and you will too ) and left his sorry butt behind. Until you get to that point, there is nothing we can say or do to change your mind. Just know that we care about you & don't want you to be hurt, we are not trying to get in your business.

And being alone is nothing to fear.............it's actually pretty cool.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

You guys made me cry! You all are so nice to me! That is so freaking awesome I love it. I do have some self esteem and personal gratifi-whatever it was to do. I have a lot to do. I guess my life growing up has a lot to do with how I am now, but it is hard to chage something after you have been that way for 21 years!

Tina
Our thoughts and prayers are with Mick and Christine! We love you both!

RIP my precious Noah! You are greatly missed and still so loved!!! 7-12-06-- 2-21-07
RIP Abby! I always loved you!

On May 21 2007, luvmypitties wrote:You guys made me cry! You all are so nice to me! That is so freaking awesome I love it. I do have some self esteem and personal gratifi-whatever it was to do. I have a lot to do. I guess my life growing up has a lot to do with how I am now, but it is hard to chage something after you have been that way for 21 years!