The hourglass Simmons keeps in her wardrobe is filled with "over 5000 little diamonds. And they're real." ("Over 5000 cubic zirconias" doesn't have the same ring.) This, her "satellite closet," she warns is only "a smaller version of the Mothership."

The junior closet still counts at least eight or so Hermès Birkins (including an off-white one Simmons refers to as her "gardening bag"), an haut à courroies for good measure, a tiny, gold-plated Chanel purse, and a dozen or more Louis Vuitton handbags of varying sizes, including several done in metallicised leather that she introduces as a family. She likes to use Mommy Bag at the beach.

Diamonds seem to be a theme — Simmons has diamonds on her closet hooks, and her copious collection of Hello Kitty merchandise includes a necklace where Kitty herself wears a diamond crown. Simmons explains her family situation thusly: "I have, like, one and a half husbands. Djimon's the one, and Russell is a half. So I say I have the ex, and the next." How open-minded.