All the Stories You Never Wanted to Read. Updated most Sundays and Wednesdays.

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Did you know Helen and Menelaos had a daughter? Not everyone does. Her name was Hermione, and while every one else was off in Troy she was left behind and forgotten. Like. Helen? Menelaos? You definitely lose the parent of the year award. Odysseos faked MADNESS in order to try and stay and raise his son. Helen and Menelaos are so wrapped up in their nonsense it’s like Hermione Doesn’t Even Exist.

Supposedly she was engaged to Orestes. Orestes was the son of angry-faced Agamemnon and take-control Klytemnestra. BUT after the war she was married off to Achilles’ son Neoptolemos. This didn’t last, however, because Neoptolemos was an idiot (more on that some other day). Once Neoptolemos was dead Hermione was then free to marry Orestes. Or. Well. At least according to some versions of the story.

BUT WHO CARES ABOUT THAT. What I want to know is what was she doing BEFORE she was married off to Neoptolemos The Idiot? She was alone in Sparta ABANDONED and being raised by some nursemaid APPARENTLY, unless her grandmother Leda was still alive. WHAT I LIKE TO THINK is that she grieved and was angry and ultimately: got over it and moved on with her life. I want more of this woman and we do not get enough of her AT ALL. One day I will probably write a short story for her, because come on. She survived being surrounded by idiots. She reminds me a lot of Gorgo, who is this Spartan princess Herodotos tells us about who, also, was surrounded by idiots. I like to think they are related and that Hermione would be proud of her.

Klytemnestra is the wife of angry-face Agamemnon who, right before he left for Troy, killed their daughter Iphegenia. She, understandably, did not forgive him for this. The story goes that she took as lover Aegisthos, who was Agamemnon’s cousin (I think? Their family tree is super messed up, considering Aegisthos was the son of Thyestes and Thyestes own daughter Pelopia, It gets really complicated really fast).

ANYWAY. When Agamemnon came home (with a lady in tow, I might add) she welcomed him AND THEN MURDERED HIM, with the help of her lover-lad. This is, of course, just another way we see Greek men’s fear of women’s sexuality exposed. HOW DARE SHE take a lover. LOOK HOW DANGEROUS is it when women make these decisions. DEATH and MURDER and MORE DEATH. *ahem* Not that I’m biased. At all.

I love Klytemnestra (at least the one portrayed by Aeschylos) because she is such a good villain. You understand she is motivated by grief at the death of her daughter and outrage at her husband’s infidelity. She took her life, her love life, and her desire for vengeance in her own hands, asked for no apologies, and regretted nothing.

Want more bad-ass ladies? Last week was all about Penelope and next week is about Hermione. See you then!

While Odysseos was off traveling and fighting (and getting lost, pff, men) Penelope had to stay at home, raise a child, take care of a city, fend of suitors, take care of civic and religious responsibilities, all without offending anyone and maintaining relationships with any allies she could gather. She is known for her loyalty and, most importantly for Greek men, for not jumping into bed with a man who was not Odysseos. Greek men were really terrified of women’s sexuality and did everything they could to control it. *major eye roll* ANYWAY. What I, personally, love about Penelope is how bad-ass she is. She is able to juggle a lot of responsibilities and has to be majorly smart to outwit all of the idiots that surround her. I also love her loyalty, but really, I love how smart she is.

I don’t, alas, have time to do full Iliad posts – yet. BUT, I miss this and I want to be able to post SOMETHING for you all, so I have a couple of “Meanwhile In…” posts for you. Because the Iliad is super MANLY MEN I thought it would be fun to think about what is happening at home with the lady-folk who got left behind.

My life continues to be overwhelming. I have been able to get some editing done on my current WIP and I’ve met some inspiring people and read good books, so that’s exciting. I am entering 1) Retail Holiday Land and 2) The Time of Seasonal Affective Disorder Fun, so I honestly have no idea how the next few months will go, but I will post when I can. Thank you for reading!

-_- The second to last panel is supposed to say leather-worker and I ONLY JUST NOTICED IT NOW. I will try and go back to fix it later. AUGH.

Also, I am imagining Ajax Telamonian with sort of a Lumpy Space Princess type voice happening? Because my brain is a weird place.

I know this is short and you have to wait A WHOLE FLUFFIN’ WEEK for the next installment, please don’t throw rocks and/or shields at me. *throws shiny glitter to distract you and runs away*

But seriously, if you are still reading, which I’m assuming you are if you’re reading these words, thank you for reading and sticking along. ALSO, feel free to share this with your friends/mother/grandmother/librarian/nerdy person in your life if you think they would enjoy this. ❤

Nestor amuses me every time. Every. Time. His speech is actually important to many academics for Reasons, but I cut most of it BECAUSE we don’t have time for that.

Talthybius, the messenger dude. KEEPS. SHOWING. UP. One of the problems of reading and writing as I go and not planning anything means I don’t actually know who is going to be important. Like, BTW, there are two Sarpedon’s and I was like: “Make sure you don’t mix up the Sarpedon’s Naomi,” AND I’M PRETTY SURE I DID ANYWAY.

Um. Anyway.

Thoas and Eurypylus will probably die so I hope you are not attached. I tried not to make them too remarkable. I don’t really know why they pop up here with our other main characters *shrugs* But who knows?

And, same as last week, we will be skipping over Monday and the next post will be Wednesday. I am hoping, hoping, hoping, I can make some sort of progress, but with Christmas Season on its way (yay for retail) I honestly Can Not Make Promises because I will probably break them. I also have a short wedding celebration trip in October, sooooooo…. Not a lot of extra time *cries* BUT OH WELL.

And lo! I have returned! I’m not dead! July my depression kicked me in the gut, which messed with my anxiety, which was – – – –

So……… I started this post 24 August and now that it’s ALMOST AN ENTIRE MONTH LATER. -_- My hours went up which was Great, because Monies, but ALSO then I had no time at all for projects. It is a difficult struggle to balance Money and Projects. Ehk.

Ah, Menelaus. He tries. I love his nameless attendants and how relieved they are.

Annnnnnd…. That’s all for now folks! We are skipping Monday and there won’t be another post until Wednesday. I know, I know. I wish I could be more consistent with this, but my room is half-organized, my WIP is only one chapter edited, my other WIP needs to be pieced together, sewn, and cut. Also, I need to edit my Song of Roland Comedy that I have needed to do since 2016. -_-

I don’t know why people find it necessary to tell me what I am or am not. How would you know? You aren’t me. Back off, lady.

Although, to be fair, when I haven’t completely woken up my voice does sound like I just swallowed a toad, so I did sound unwell, and I’m glad she cared about my health, but why she couldn’t believe me when I said I was fine I just will never understand.

Want me to turn your own Retail Life experience into a comic? Send me a suggestion HERE (understanding that I am under no obligation to do so and that I try to make my site fairly kid-friendly in case one of my ex-students wander over here BUT I love hearing people’s ridiculous retail stories, so you never know… Just let me know what alias you want to go by, because that’s more fun than a real name).

I wonder if it’s painful at all for Helenus to suddenly have this kind of information beamed down into his head. Does he have visions? Does he just suddenly know? So many questions. #allofthequestions

And ah, the ol’ “You’re not going to die, that isn’t your Fate yet.” And you’re so relieved you’re not going to die you COMPLETELy FORGET that little word “YET.”

I find it fascinating that in order to get everyone to sit down and to call a ceasefire all you have to do is stand in between the armies with your spear horizontal in front of you. So the next time your in an ancient Greek war… Now you’ll know.

Also, I’m not really sure why Apollon and Athena think this plan is going to work, since having Paris and Menelaus fight didn’t work. I guess because Aphrodite intervened and didn’t let the fight end properly? I guess after having read Livy I just know THIS NEVER WORKS. (Ohmygoodness, guys, read Livy’s The Founding of Rome. Great stories in there. One day I will stick figure it, if I am able, but that day is far in the future.)

Oh, also, I know I started with using the name Apollo, because He’s more commonly known as that, but I will probably start using Apollon. I also might change Ajax to Aias, because I don’t know why I didn’t and I have this problam with ‘j’s bobbing around in Greek words when Greek doesn’t have that sound. I’m trying to stay consistent, but it’s just really not working for everything *shrugs* I suppose that comes from not plotting this thing out at all. Oh well.