Grass is Greener Syndrome

From Anthony Robbins’s Awaken the Giant Within:

Questions determine everything in your life, from your abilities to your relationships to your income. For example, many people fail to commit to a relationship simply because they keep asking questions that create doubt: “What if there’s somebody better out there? What if I commit myself now and miss out?” What terribly disempowering questions! This fuels the fear that the grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence, and it keeps you from being able to enjoy what you already have in your life…Compare this with “How did I get so lucky to have you in you life?…How much richer will our lives be as a result of our relationship?”

As I read these words, I think of my lost beloved and his pattern of doing this, a pattern that has tragically kept him from any sustainable LTR. This pattern that keeps him in the a loop of half-realized, short-lived relationships deeply saddens me. Perhaps the most tragic this time is that he could’ve still explored other relationships while enjoying the one he had. Never replacing or losing or risking, just by continuing to express the gratitude and love he felt with me while further enriching his life with other experiences. He still could. It’s not too late.

Yet.

Although sometimes it feels like it is too late on my end. Other times it is so so so not too late.

Still, as one dear friend told me this weekend, “trying to be overly logical about an emotional situation just creates more stress. The what ifs, whys and hows, when you truly only have your own side to examine, can send you into a dark, dark place.”

I can’t know what he’s thinking or feeling. I don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling most of the time this past week. Sadness, for sure. Regret. Despair. Calm. Peace.

Hope.

So much love still. For him and for myself. For my husband & friends & readers.

I am here. Now.

I can experience the present moment and find peace here.

It’s been a wonderful surprise for me to remember the joy with a smile instead of tears. To still feel the love along with the loss. To feel the hope for reconciliation with the knowledge that I’m really strong on my own. To control the anxiety & grief when it so rarely comes.

Knowing the future is uncertain and embracing that uncertainty.

Knowing that if he returns to me in love, I’ll have a choice. And, knowing me, I’ll choose love. But I will choose love for myself, and whether or not that means reconciliation will be determined sometime between now and then, in my exploration of myself along with his actions, or lack thereof.

Here is what I do know: The grass is not greener over there.

I acknowledge and am grateful for what I have in my life, for the love & support. I put energy into the relationships I have, and as I always say, relationships are work. Beautiful, loving work of the heart and soul. Human contact & interactions are what makes this life so worth living. Loving and being loved. Supporting & helping others in need or in pain. Graciously accepting such support. Learning. Giving. Touching.

For that same friend said this: “One reason we socialize and make friends and lovers is so we don’t have to carry the burdens by ourselves but to have help.”

I choose to acknowledge the gifts of love and beauty in my life. And that’s what we were to each other, my sweet auctioneer: Beautiful Gifts. Like a butterfly on your nose, I showed you beauty in presence. And you showed me the same. We laughed loudly, letting the joy burst from our souls out into the world, letting the love envelop us, lift us, fill us.

Then you shooed me away. But I’ve just landed on a rose nearby, enjoying the scent and beauty there for the moment. Hoping you’ll invite me back to touch the sweetness of your flesh, but remaining happy in life if you don’t.

3 Responses to “Grass is Greener Syndrome”

Thank you very much for this article.

I’ve been having personal issues with my primary partner with this issue.

I’ve also slowly accepted the fact, I’m not required to constantly try to “fix” the way I’m feeling. That just letting myself feel, and remembering the “why I’m here” verses the “Why am I here and not there” helps much more. I’m working on accepting besides my two other relationships, I’m also in a relationship with myself, that deserves my attention.