Comments of the Week

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This site wouldn’t be what it is without the active participation of all of you. Your insightful, funny, smart comments add different perspectives and valuable advice that I’m sure goes a long way in helping others sort through the issues in their own relationships. After the jump, some of the more memorable comments of the week (maybe you’ll even see your own!).

_jsw_ on His Take: “Why Do Men Say they Don’t Want to Date if that’s Not the Truth?”: One reason men might go out with someone who they weren’t into physically was because they were very interested in her otherwise and wanted to see if that could make up for the lack of immediate physical attraction. Often it doesn’t, but it’s also quite possible that it can.

Desiree on “I’m 30 And Have Never Had A Date!”: “It is statistically unlikely (in the extreme) that no man has ever been attracted to her, but I am interested in the fact that she has never been on a date. Maybe guys have asked her out before without her realizing they were expressing sexual interest? It just seems unlikely that a woman would go thirty years without being hit on, so I am inclined to think a lot of this is in her head. When I was younger, I was very hard on myself (and had body image issues) and therefore thought that no guys were interested in me. Looking back on it, I now realize that I was hit on quite a lot, but I didn’t pick up on it because of my negative perspective. The other side is that she may be extremely picky. Some women will moan, “No man wants to date me,” but they really mean, “No handsome millionaire with a heart of gold wants to date me.” Realistic expectations and a deep appreciate for genuine people with all their charms and flaws will go a long way in the search for a great mate.”

AnitaBath on “My BFF Wants to Cheat on her Fiancé!”: “Why is everyone acting like the LW’s friend is the victim in all of this and the teacher is the big bad wolf? HELLO. We know absolutely ZERO about the man, and about the relationship in general. The ONLY thing we know is that the LW’s friend is actively trying to cheat on him. Call me crazy, but doesn’t that make the *guy* the victim? She’s not innocent. How’s about we treat them both as adults, rather than assume the friend is some delicate little flower who’s incapable of making decisions. She’s 20. She’s a grown-ass woman. If she makes bad decisions, she makes bad decisions, but I hardly see how her significant other can shoulder all the blame for them?”

RebeccaB on “Should I Choose Love or Security?”: “Security should not be about what your partner makes but about being able to support yourself and live within your means. I am tired of people (mostly women) basing their security on what job/money their partner has. Relationships come and go and you should ALWAYS be able to take care of yourself. I am secure because I know that I can always take care of myself. I am with my husband because we have a loving, sharing relationship not because I need him for security. That puts a lot of pressure on your partner as well and can ruin a relationship. Happiness comes from being with a person because you want to, not because you HAVE to.”

Laurel on What’s the Relationship Pattern YOU Need To Break?: “My bad relationship pattern is getting way too into my own head about stuff, obsessing, and spinning spinning spinning until I’m tied up in knots. ‘I love him, but what if I don’t *~*really*~* love him???’ ‘He says he loves me but he probably doesn’t really mean it…’ ‘He can’t really be over that girl he carried a torch for in high school, why else would he be friends with her on fb?’ etc. An irrational worry or insecurity tries to take root in my brain and then it just gets repeated and magnified and blown out of proportion.

I’m a lot better about this than I used to be. What I do is to try to make a list of the rational things I know which counter my crazy talk. I know I love him because I respect him, I admire him, I’m attracted to him, and I can’t imagine a reason I’d ever not want to be with him. I know he loves me when he says he does because I know he’s not a liar. I know he has a past before me (as I have a past before I met him) and so I shouldn’t begrudge him that. Tada, crazy thoughts (at least mostly) gone!”

Best one-liners:

Maynard Dear Wendy Updates: “Unsure Girlfriend” AKA “#18″ Responds: “On the bright side, at least the terrifying dogs are gone so there’s less of a chance she’ll be cut up and fed to them… right?”

Heather Girl on “My BFF Wants to Cheat on her Fiancé!”: “Of course he treats her better than anyone she has ever been with, she’s 20! That’s like saying your preschool pretend boyfriend is the man of your dreams.”