I would think that you have friends that you could recontact and pick up where you left off. I have a lot of friends like that, that live far away and that because of work/family obligations we don't necessarily keep in touch very frequently, but when we do reconnect, we pick right up. A close friend from college that I hadn't seen in over ten years did a couple of stints of part time work near me and we got together and well, while it wasn't like old times since the topic of conversation had switched to kids and retirement and our aging parents, we still got along just like when we were younger.

You mention needing confidence. Maybe the problem with your friends is more from your perspective than theirs since it is hard for me to believe that you could not reengage at least some of them. If one of my friends reached out to me and needed me to talk, I would be more than happy to help out.

Come here and vent, no need to feel bad or guilty, this is what this place is for.

It feels like your brain is wired differently because it is. Comparisons of introverts and extroverts shows differences in brain activity, distribution of grey matter, even blood flow. As an introvert you'll recharge with a good book or in a small group and get worn down in a crowd or at a party. Extroverts are exactly the opposite. Add depression to that and the wiring is very nonstandard. Nothing wrong with nonstandard except when the lights won't turn on. I don't get depression but my wiring appears to have been installed using a manual that was poorly translated from Sanskrit.

What you need is a few good people who you can talk to when you need to but who will understand when you have to go. Online chat might be good for that. There have been a few people with similar issues on the forum lately. Perhaps somebody should start up a chat line or somesuch.

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Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.

(26-05-2016 12:28 PM)LadyDay Wrote: That's very wise! I'll try to keep that in mind. The real friends are the few who have stuck around even though I "haven't done my part". The ones who understand and were there with open arms when I was able to come back.

We take care of our own here and you are part of us. As you can see we heathens can be very supportive.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce

I wish I had some good advice for you, LD, but I don't -- I don't know what it's like to be where you are. But I wish you the best and hope you can find the happy place in your heart -- and when you find it, anchor yourself to it, hon. Too easy to slip off, otherwise.

(26-05-2016 12:30 PM)Iñigo Wrote: You mention needing confidence. Maybe the problem with your friends is more from your perspective than theirs since it is hard for me to believe that you could not reengage at least some of them. If one of my friends reached out to me and needed me to talk, I would be more than happy to help out.

That could be! I do tend to assume that they probably dislike me because I've been absent so long. But I don't base that assumption on anything other than my own insecurity.

This should be in a fortune cookie or something. Brilliant line!
I think in some ways I need to accept my own wiring. I think you guys are very right that I'm an introvert. I need to start embracing that rather than feel bad because I don't enjoy being surrounded by people constantly.
When I am feeling well and up to it, I thrive among people. I just don't feel comfortable having people arround all the time.

(26-05-2016 09:00 PM)Full Circle Wrote: We take care of our own here and you are part of us. As you can see we heathens can be very supportive.

That's because heathens are nice people just for the sake of being nice, not because they are under threats of eternal torture if they're not nice.
I'm completely overwhelmed by the support! I'm happy to be a part of such a great crowd!