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I’m sitting at a coffee shop drinking a double shot mocha and I’m about to read a book. It’s my first self care act in months and months and months. I also just came from getting my legs waxed. I may be alone on this, but the feeling of having individual unwanted hairs ripped from their roots is really freeing and satisfying, and it gives me a bit of an adrenalin boost to boot.

The reason I can do this today is that I submitted my final proposal draft to my advisor at 10pm last night and now it’s on its way to my committee – the committee of “deciders” who will fingers crossed approve my proposal so I can start this bloody experiment already and finish my PhD one day.

In case anyone’s wondering, the book I’m now settling into is The Soul of Discipline, by Kim John Payne. He also wrote Simplicity Parenting, which I reviewed in a post a while back. I’ll let you know how this one turns out.

I started drafting this review back in March. Then I fell off the book club bandwagon. I missed the meeting where we discussed this book, and the next book… But I’m back on track for July. And I did read Simplicity Parenting, so I thought I’d make a brief review post about it now. Better late than never.
In a tiny nutshell, this book is about reading your child’s bad behaviour – or acting out – as a sign that they are emotionally unwell, attributing that to being overstimulated, overburdened, overworked, and treating the root of the problem by simplifying their life. The author has a background in education and psychology, and seems to have a lot of experience backing his ideas. But to me, this is just one more parent with big ideas about the right versus the wrong way to raise your kids.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t like the book, or that the message didn’t speak to me. I happen to agree with the author on a lot of things. But I have added this book and it’s ideas to a shelf in my mind that I draw from occasionally when I want to try something new with my parenting. I don’t believe that this approach to parenting will solve all of every child’s problems. But it’s worth a try if you’re interested.

So what’s this guy pushing, anyway? He’s pushing a simplified lifestyle so your kids have the mental space to work out some heavy developmental stuff. The obvious area to simplify is tangible clutter, like toys. While the book also goes into detail on how you can simplify the rhythm of daily life and your child’s involvement in extracurriculars, it seems easiest to start with the toys. I liked the advice on simplifying toys because we already keep things simple in the toy department (I always love reading things that affirm my beliefs). The authors suggest cutting your child’s toys in half, and then in half again. You should be left with no more than a dozen that are accessible at any given time (the rest that aren’t complete junk can go in a toy library).

When I read the section on toys, it inspired me to find some images of “good” toys, which the book defines as toys that inspire imaginative play and don’t overwhelm the senses. Here are some ideas:

Where the book goes too far: Simplifying sensory stimulation from light and taste

There are two suggestions in the book that I found a little absurd. One was to cut back on excess artificial light. I’m aware of the science of sleep and it’s suggestion to cut out TV and other blue lights before bed and during sleep, but the author went as far as to suggest using candles after dusk and before dawn, sharing that he eats breakfast with his daughter in the dark winter mornings by nothing but candle light. Too extreme for me. I did get inspiration, though, from the idea of letting your kid have a candle lit bath (exercise safety, please!) I think my 9 month old would love this experience before bed.

Another section that didn’t convince me was the section on simplifying food. Yes, the examples given of cheese Doritos and sugary sodas are unhealthy and may make whole foods like carrots seem bland and uninteresting in comparison, but the point made in the book went further than that. The author argued that “food is meant to nourish, not entertain and excite”. I don’t believe these are mutually exclusive experiences. While I agree with not letting your kids consume too much additives/artificial flavours/over-processed foods for health reasons, I don’t buy into the idea that eating Doritos will overwhelm their senses or make them never want to eat a carrot again. I believe that cooking with and for kids can be exciting. In my opinion, the author was just looking for a way to include as many daily practices as possible into his list of things that can be fixed with his theory of simplicity parenting.

Overall, I’d recommend giving the book a read if a) you can score a copy for free from the library, and b) you think your child might be suffering from overstimulation. Otherwise, the concepts are obvious enough to try out without following the book’s outline to a T. You can test out simplifying life by purging some toys, cutting down on extra curriculars, and working less / doing less so you can spend quality down time together as a family.

The good thing about the book is that it allows for parents to pick and choose the changes they want to make in their families. Although I’m not the expert here, it really doesn’t seem like Simplicity Parenting has to be an all-or-nothing life overhaul in order to show some effect on your kid’s stress levels.

So whether you read the book or not, and whether you’re trying to solve behaviour problems or not, it might be worth testing out some simplifications in your child’s life. The book is a sufficient but uneccesary guide to do so.