Saturday, July 21, 2012

One Month

Dear Miss Margot,

You are one little month old today. Sometimes it feels like you've been with us forever, and sometimes it feels like you're so new to me that I just don't know what to do with you! I'm still learning how to decipher your cries and figure out what you need. Every day you get a little more awake and a little more aware. You want to spend time with me instead of going to sleep. I get it, I'm a really fun person to stare at when it's 2:00 in the morning. I'm doing the best I can to make sure you know that I am here. Always.

Today, Sylvia and I were watching you squirm around on your play mat, and you suddenly made a brand new noise. It wasn't a cry and it wasn't a grunt (you grunt a lot). It was your very first, on purpose, coo! It was faint and it was short, but darn it, I'll take it! It was beautiful. You're also discovering your hands and feet, slowly but surely. I don't think you know they are part of your body yet, but you think they are amazing, and frankly, so do I! I can't stop kissing your feet and your head for some reason. And Sylvia likes to nuzzle her forehead against your arms and your hands. I think she's waiting for you to respond somehow. She thinks you're "touching" her face or her hair and she loves it. She's a big fan of "snuggling" and I'm sorry if she's manhandling you more than you'd like, but you might as well get used to it.

Everyone is so glad you're here, sweet girl. Your Daddy does all kinds of daily experiments on you to see what you can and can't do. Your grandparents are finding all kinds of excuses to see you and hold you. We all just think you are so amazing! Such a miracle. Such a gift. We are all so blessed to have you. I am so grateful that you are here and you are healthy and you are mine.

I do miss being pregnant, but seeing your face is so much better. We still share plenty of moments that no one else will ever know. When you were a few days old, I felt your hand turn against my skin and it gave me goosebumps because I knew that feeling already. I remembered that little tickle from when I felt it on the inside! No one else will ever know what it's like to nurse with you, to rock you to sleep in the middle of the night, to snuggle you close and watch your eyelids droop and your mouth start to smile. It's absolutely precious and I am honored that you share those moments with me.

I love to sit with you in the dark, and while I watch your face, I dream of all the wonderful things you'll know as you grow. I dream about the girl and the woman you will become. I look at your sweet mouth and nose and tiny little ears, and I know that someday, you'll do great things. And you won't remember these moments because you're just too little. But I'll remember them, and when you're too big to be rocked, I'll still stare at you, amazed, like no one else will. Because you'll still have that same mouth and nose and ears, and I'll still be awestruck at your wonderfulness, no matter how big, or how old, or how far, or how different you think you are. You'll always be my baby, who fit so neatly in my arms, and I'll always, always, always love you more than you'll ever know.

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About Me

I'm Rachael. My occupations include, in this order: daughter, sister, friend, teacher, wife, and mother. I may seem like a grown up, but don't be fooled - I have no idea what I'm doing. I do know that sometimes I have big thoughts and nowhere else to put them, so here they are. I also try to keep up with daily life around here, but I do most of my daily updates on Facebook and Instagram. Enjoy the chaos you find here!