I was presented with an opportunity. Unfortunately not for a job. A temporary, part time, live in nanny for my nephew. I would have to quit my job and basically look for something part time somewhere else. When I really think about it, there is absolutely nothing holding me back here. I’ve got no friends, I was planning on quitting my job anyway. Then there’s my mom and my grandmother. My mother’s need/want for me to stay has more to do with her lack of growing up into an adult. The funny thing is I’m scared to leave her, but if the opportunity presented itself, I’m sure she’d drop me in a second. She did it when I was child, so what’s to stop her from doing it now. Then there’s my grandmother. I don’t talk to her much now, but I’m the last bit of family she has where we are. Everyone else has moved. But then again it’s not like I pay her a visit weekly. If I were to go I guess it would be a for me to start over, meet new people. Maybe even find myself a person I cold spend the rest of my life with. The thing is, although I haven’t named them, starting a new life there could be better for me. I’m just scared. I’ve always lived in fear. I guess if I stopped closing off and let God in my life I’d know what to do. I think that’s what I’m going to do tonight. I need to say a prayer. Maybe even read a lesson. I need help. I just don’t want to go somewhere where people will continue to enable my lack of motivation for any and everything. Also, I don’t want to impose myself on my sister and her husband, but they’re the ones that brought it up.

Lord, what should I do? They need and answer quickly, because if I say no, they have to start looking for a daycare. So what do I do? I’m so scared of changing anything in my routine, but it’s not like my routine has benefited me in any way. I would just feel so weird. My main problem is that in life, I’ve always needed someone to tell me what to do. I haven’t had that in years, and where has that left me. Lost. I just don’t know.