Is it selfish to feel overwhelmed, guilty and helpless?

I do not have diabetes; my body is capable of producing insulin, even when I commit the most irresponsible sugar-packed crimes that occur in my kitchen.

My husband does, though… my son is healthy to, (turns 4 in October) but at risk for his genes. I try to be the best support I can for my husband, and to take care the best I can of my son, but… some days I feel that I just I can’t keep it up… then it comes the guilt…

I am being too selfish? Where is the line that separates what you from what affects your loved ones?

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My situation is a bit different, I'm a mom to a girl with diabetes, but I can relate to the feelings of being overwhelmed. You can't ever take a vacation from diabetes. It's always there. For the most part things are pretty steady, but occasionally you let down your guard and the fear comes out. Fear that she'll have complications, fear of a hypo, fear of prejudice, fear of lost opportunities, fear that she'll get tired of dealing with this disease and say screw it and not take care of herself. So fear is probably my biggest issue. I don't have guilt in this situation because I deal with the D constantly and have to keep up. I feel guilty about other regular mom issues, not spending enough time with my kids because I work. Not trying for a low carb diet that would probably bring her A1C's down. Having a messy house. Stuff like that.

But I wonder if you are worrying too much about your husband's D. Does he take good care of himself? Are you feeling helpless because his diabetes is out of your control? And you wish you could do more? Are you the only support system? Do you have family that you can call on? Having a son that is four years old can be a handful by itself, throw in the extra worry about your husband and I can see why you would feel overwhelmed. When I start feeling overwhelmed I take some time off. Once a month five of us girls get together and do a wine tasting dinner. We pick a type of wine and then build a menu around it and we all cook and taste wine. It's fun. Sounds like some selfish time away from your responsibilities might do you some good. I highly recommend it. Everyone needs to decompress once in a while. And taking care of yourself will help your loved ones in the long run. You can't do it all. You are not super woman.

Now I also am blessed with a partner that I have complete confidence in leaving the kids with. We also have a babysitting network that is awesome. Critical when you have a child with D. So I may be luckier than you are in that regard. But try not to feel guilty. You are doing the best you can and that's all you can do.

I should have said before, for us most of the time everything is under control too. I know I am actually blessed, my husband takes really good care of himself, and he is also a great and loving partner-dad, also a very good provider...

You are probably right, sometimes I just worry too much, and I should probably be more serious about spending more time with my friends... most of them are live away from here, all around the world. ;) (but I have good friends in town too)

We both work, so I know what you mean with guilt for the messy house and not enough quality time to spend my son. In the last months I have been working form home, so that is a lot better now.

I don't think it is bad to feel overwhelmed at all. While our issues do not nearly compare to those of our loved ones with diabetes, we definitely face our own problems that can also be very overwhelming. You want to be as involved as possible but at the same time not so in their face that you become the "diabetes police." You want to know how they are doing every second, but not overwhelm them. You want to make their life as easy as possible, but not treat them different. Ultimately we want to do every thing we can to help them live a healthy life, but there is no book or doctor or website that really is there to guide you nor could there be because it all depends on your individual relationship and how best that works.

I also would not feel guilty about what you can have. I mean ultimately you are going to eat some things that are bad once in a while. I think timing is probably more important. If you know they are having a bad diabetes day whether it is bad BG control or just a bad day, you might not want to grab a piece of pizza in front of them. I don't think it is selfish to want to eat some bad things once and a while, but I do think it would be selfish if they expected us to give it up also. Like I said, I think this all comes down to timing and being considerate more than anything.

I so understand how you are feeling I am in the same situation as you. It's not selfish becasue even though he was dx with it -- it is like the whole family was. We have to adjust and make changes too and it can be a bit much on us because we are the ones that handle everything. So keep your head up and just remember you are not alone.

Hello, I just join Tudiabetes. My husband has had Type 1 diabetes for 19 years. The past few years have been really rough. He has had a lot of medical problems. He sugar is all over the place. His A1C is now 8.7. I only found this out because he is now seeing a dietician. She was saying about how high his A1Cs have been over the past two years. I was really mad at my husband because I feel he isn't trying to take care of himself anymore. He did so well until the past few years. But now he doesn't know when he is low, he isn't standing up for himself at the doctors and he has completely blocked our daughter (both adults) and me out. I understand that it can be normal to not know when you are going low, but he won't do anything to prevent it. I wanted him to get a CGM but the PA told him they are the experimental stage. I worry about him all the time. I will come home and he will be low and not know what he is doing. What happens when I don't get home in time and he is die? I get so mad at him because he just doesn't seem to care. I would think if he didn't care about himself, he would think about his two daughters and hopefully. I don't want to live without him. I want to grow with him. He won't talk to anyone else with diabetes, he never would. He feels like he is a freak because he has diabetes.

I feel bad that I get so frustrated with him. I know I can't make him do anything but I'm scared, our daughters are scared. What can I do to help him?? How do I get him to listen to me???? I feel overwhelmed so much of the times. I just don't know what to do.

Hi Andreina and every body else here.I am new to this group.I just read all the posts and felt every one is telling my story.I am mother of a T1D and wife of T2D. I lost my husband few years ago and find myself living every day in fear of loosing my daughter.It is indeed overwhelming.Over time i have also learnt that i have to take responsibility for my own needs and let my adult daughter learn to walk through her own challenges. I can support her but can not mother an adult all the time(being the D-Police)...very difficult though!

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