Battling with BPD, A toddler and life. Feel free to follow my not so private online journal !

Three things I do well as a Mummy?

I’m really struggling to answer this as giving myself any credit is not something I am very good at so you will have to bare with me on this one.

1. I get up with Milly every day even though most days I really don’t feel like it. Let me just clarify what I mean by “don’t feel like it”. I don’t mean I can’t be bothered to get up with her. What I mean is some days.. Actually most days my mind is such a dark place that I would rather not have to deal with and would love nothing more than to hide in my bed and sleep all day or at least until that feeling had gone but I don’t have that option because I am a mummy. So instead even on my worst days I force myself to get out of bed and do my best to provide the care that Milly needs and seen as tho she is two and a half and is still alive and well I can’t have done that bad of a job. Can I?

2. I praise and encourage Milly at every chance I can. This dosen’t mean that she dose not get disciplined when she is naughty or misbehaves because she is two, and she knows how to push the boundaries, when I say discipline I mean time out and nothing more sinister than that. I try encourage her to do the right and then when she does the right thing I praise the hell out of her but some days praise just dosen’t cut it, and then we do have to tell her off which I find extremely difficult as we had such a bad start I just don’t want us to lose the bond we have now that we worked so hard for.

3. I tell her how much I love her every single day probably to many times a day if that is such a thing. I guess I do this to make sure she knows I love her so much because when she was born and for the first year of her life I felt nothing. I know how this will sound to a lot of people but not only was I struggling with all my other mental health problems I had post-natal depression on top of that. She was loved and cared for but not so much by me but by my partner and both our families, so she never missed out on feeling love. Just let me tell you one thing as much as I didn’t feel anything for Milly, she didn’t feel anything for me and that is a fact. Fast forward a year and a half onwards after our year of hell we now have the most unbreakable bond (that I constantly worry about being broken) and I tell her I love her about a thousand times a day, and I am not ashamed to admit that. In fact, I am actually proud to admit that!

So they are my top three things I think I do well as a Mummy.. Well sort of well. You may not agree but unless you know me and have seen me with my little girl then you have no clue how hard I try.

I am not perfect, I am far from it but what I am is a trier and I will never give up on Milly. I will have her back for the rest of her life and nothing will ever change that!

Thanks for reading! Thisbis one of my ways I mix mental illness with parenting. I hope you have found it helpful or can relate.