The Affairs

Introduction: not so sexy

> The 1st Affair
>
> A married man was having an affair
> with his secretary.
> One day they went to her place
> and made love all afternoon.
> Exhausted, they fell asl**p
> and woke up at 8 PM ..
> The man hurriedly dressed
> and told his lover to take his shoes
> outside and rub! them in the grass and dirt.
> He put on his shoes and drove home.
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> "I can't lie to you," he replied,
> "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
> We had sex all afternoon."
> She looked down at his shoes and said:
> "You lying bastard!
> You've been playing golf!"
>
>
> The 2nd Affair
>
> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
> but always talked about having a son.
> They decided to try one last time
> for the son they always wanted.
> The wife got pregnant
> and delivered a healthy baby boy.
> The joyful father rushed to the nursery
> to see his new son.
> He was horrified
> at the ugliest c***d he had ever seen.
> He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the
> father of this baby.
> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
> Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
> The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
> "Not this time!"
>
>
> The 3rd Affair
>
> A mortician was working late one night.
> He ! examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
> about to be cremated,
> and made a startling discovery.
> Schwartz had the largest private part
> he had ever seen!
> "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician
> commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated
> with such an impressive private part.
> It must be saved for posterity."
> So, he removed it,
> stuffed it into his briefcase,
> and took it home
> "I have something to show
> you won't believe," he said to his wife,
> opening his briefcase.
> "My God!" the wife exclaimed,
> "Schwartz is dead!"
>
>
> The 4th Affair
>
> A woman was in bed with her lover
> when she heard her husband
> opening the front door.
> "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner;
> She rubbed baby oil all over him,
> then dusted him with talcum powder.
> "Don't move until I tell you,"
> she said, " pretend you're a statue."
> "What's this?" the husband inquired
> as he entered the room.
> "Oh it's a statue," she replied,
> "the Smiths bought one and I liked it
> so I got one for us, too."
> No more was said,
> not even when they went to bed.
> Around 2 AM the husband got up,
> went to the kitchen and returned
> with a sandwich and a beer.
> "Here," he said to the statue, have this.
> I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
> and nobody offered me a damned thing."
>
>
> The 5th Affair
>
> A man walked into a cafe,
> went to the bar and ordered a beer.
> "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
> "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
> He glanced at the menu and asked:
> "How much for a nice juicy steak
> and a bottle of wine?"
> "A nickel," the barman replied.
> "A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
> "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
> The bartender replied:
> "Upstairs, with my wife."
> The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs
> with your wife?"
> The bartender replied:
> "The same thing
> I'm doing to his business down here."
>
>
> The 6th Affair
>
> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
> He looked up and said weakly:
> "I have something I must confess."
> "There's no need to, " his wife replied.
> "No," he insisted,
> "I want to die in peace.
> I slept with your s****r, your best friend,
> her best friend, and your mother!"
> "I know," she replied,
> " now just rest
> and let the poison work."

My best guy friend has graduated from college and has started his internship at the local hospital. We have been studying together since high school. I would help him with his math and he helped me with science.

One day we were talking about sex and how he hasn't had any in a while. I told him I knew how he felt. We started to joke around and tell each other about some of the affairs we had. Some of his were intense, outdoor adventures and almost being caught in the locker room. I told him about mine and he said that he had me beat. We just laughed some more.

It was hot on the square in Mathom village that afternoon and Alice was grateful for the shade of the big parasols in the front beer garden of the Mathom Arms. She didn’t want to have to face Lady Mathom sweating like a factory girl after all. She looked radiantly pretty today in a white, yellow and blue floral print dress and a pair of new elegant blue shoes that were pinching her feet something rotten. A long session at the hairdressers that morning had beaten her rebellious locks into shape... Continue»