it's morning in america

Kochs Everywhere: Union-Busting Bill Introduced In Alaska

The War on Normal People (sorry, “Bolshie bastards”) started in Wisconsin, but it has quickly spread to every corner of our sad Union. And now even the fabled ice colony of Alaska — long known for its warring tribes of barbarian grifters and embarrassing televised dance rituals — has been asked to obediently swallow this Big Gulp of corn syrup Koch nectar. The bill’s sponsor claims that stripping public employees of collective bargaining rights will save Alaska lots of money and protect rich people from poor people, just like in Wisconsin! But will the coward Democrats run away if this legislation gains momentum? “If the Democrats flee here … we’ll have to go to Canada,” according to the House minority whip, State Rep. Berta Gardner (D-Anchorage). Haha, only if you aren’t abducted by a snowmobile monster (Todd Palin) first! [CNN]

An American F-15E Strike Eagle jet crashed in Libya after an equipment malfunction. Don’t worry though, the two pilots ejected and are safe! (See? This is why we need that new F-69.) [AP]

Meanwhile, in Yemen: President Ali Abdullah Saleh warns that “a coup against his rule” will lead to civil war. [BBC]

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

More importantly, who let him fly a plane with a functioning ejector seat?

rileywaggs

Dear GuanoFaucet,

You win the morning!

much love,

waggs

horsedreamer_1

"Much love" = promise of fart-box tongue-punching?

rileywaggs

a lady never tells.

Serolf_Divad

Bah, the whole "middle class" thing was so gauche any way. It was like: "C'mon, make up your mind already: are you poor or are you rich?"

That's all in the past now that we're all destined to be poor. Thank you Tea Party! Thank you Joe the Plumber! I hope the Koch brothers finally gifted you a $250,000 a year plumbing business for selling out the poors and convincing them that only the top 1% deserved to have any money (or health care, or retirement benefits).

comrad_darkness

Not me, I'm winning the lotto tonight.

Barbara_i

Rich Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly is getting his wang mouthafied by Lady Liberty? Gosh, if these two can get laid then anyone can.

MildMidwesterner

This is why you got 2nd prize in the beauty contest. Lady Liberty WON the beauty contest.

Barbara_i

Pop quiz:
Do you know who did get the Skantestant #2 vote in a beauty contest though?

riverside68

Teh girls keep telling me there is a difference between getting laid and getting fucked.
I tell them it's all good.

Oblios_Cap

I thought that was a picture of Wags and Andy!

Sophist [DDS,DD,DFH]

Oh yeah? You just wait till the Alaskan unions respond. When the International Brotherhood of Fishermen, Meth Cooks and Ice Road Truckers goes on strike, you know you've been struck. They don't usually content themselves with knit-ins.

Allmighty_Manos

Local 649 of the Association of Crazy Mountain Men will also be joining you on the picket line.

Ha ha ha. Seriously though. Alaska is the most heavily unionized, pro-union state in the country. For real. This bill doesn't chance a snowballs' chance in…Arizona or Texas or some fucked-up place like that. If nearly every single comment in the Fairbanks News Miner comments section (normally the trolliest haven of teabag nutjob assholerry) speaks out against a bill like this, you can pretty much guarantee the bill is doomed. Oh? You wanna gut collective bargaining? That's great. How about we just flip this switch and shut down 20% of the nation's oil production…

Hahahaha, I just did a wiki search and found out that he went to my alma mater (hence the nickname). It's amazing how, despite being an awesomely liberal school, every famous alumnus ends up being either a douchebag (other examples include Jerome Kohlberg, inventor of the hostile takeover) or complete failures (Dukakas!)

Actually, it looks like Palmer actually was a nice liberal congressman who went off the deep end as AG- he tried to roll back protectionist tarriffs, and got blasted for being "anti-free-market" for doing so, serving as a very early example of how the owners really do just define "free market" as "give us money", always and forever.

The Alaskan people were dumb enough to elect a Palin for duhvenor so this bad bill will sail.

It is my understanding that the Koch's cock's spunk is sweeter than candy and as addictive as meth. One drop and the people are hooked. No knee pads either!

Barbara_i

Koch's spunk got the 5 star award by their little Zagat, Scott Walker. He's been gargling it to impress the brothers for some time now.

BarackMyWorld

It probably tastes like money.

Barbara_i

Mmmmm, coppery! Wonder if they made Walker hold a silver dollar on his tongue while he fellated them. Those old bastards love to cum into money.

Serolf_Divad

Maybe, maybe not. Alaska is basically one big welfare office where everyone goes to get their Federal Government handouts or paymets that the State government skims off the oil industry. It'll be interesting to see how one segment of the state population reacts to being screwed by another segment of the state's population (as opposed to the usual trick of everyone in Alaska collectively screwing the taxpayers of the lower 48).

Terry

"Alaska is basically one big welfare office where everyone goes to get their Federal Government handouts or paymets that the State government skims off the oil industry…"

…while imagining themselves as rugged individualists and insisting that government become smaller.

Don'y you just hate the poors? I mean, they're just so poor, eeeeewwwwwwww

ttommyunger

Hahahahahah! Great!

PublicLuxury

TY. How's the Kudzo treating you?

horsedreamer_1

Aren't the workers on the Alaska pipeline unionized? Too, what's with the money trouble in Seward's Folly; I thought they had plenty, since they give out a welfare check to every man, woman, & child resident for at least two years consecutive.

karen

The middle class was a cute idea, and it was fun while it lasted. But honestly, there's only one way human life has existed and will continue to exist: super rich or flat poor.

I hope this means we get our own violent revolution, I'd love to strap a banker to a chair and cover him with honey on a fire ant hill.

user-of-owls

super rich or flat poor.

You forgot "flat busted."

SorosBot

There's implant surgery to fix that nowadays; but only the rich can afford it.

Lascauxcaveman

"I'm flat busted." Isn't that how Dolly Parton put it when her Dollywood theme park went chapter 11?

comrad_darkness

I thought it said "fiat banker" for a second there. Too true, I thought.

Serolf_Divad

There will only be justice when the last hedge fund manager is hanged with the entrails of the last Southern Baptist Bible thumper.

I like that better than that tired old chant of no justice no peace. Can I have it for a bumper sticker?

comrad_darkness

This thread is making me feel hopeful, oddly. Frighteningly.

freakishlywrong

That pic! Even without the rockin' alt-text, neatly describes the Russian style oligarchy that dumbstupid U.S. of America has become! Keep voting against your own financial interests retards. See ya at the bottom!

horsedreamer_1

Oh, & that graphic: Rich "Uncle" Pennybags needs to be sued for false mustache, as the year is not 1974, so there are only two reasons to have such a thing (irony, &/or a desire to perform orally, on a woman). Of course, I don't see Pennybags on his knees.

Wonder if they used the same coathanger they used to get Todd out of the rental car when they accidentally locked him in?

Ducksworthy

Thank Gawd. If she had slouched into Bethlehem surely the second coming would have been at hand.

Texan_Bulldog

I love this quote:

"It is unclear whether Mrs Palin and her team failed to realise that Bethlehem lay on Palestinian territory rather than in Israel, a mistake often made by foreign tourists, though not so often by visiting politicians."

You can tell this dude is trying to be nice, but even he's thinking "WTF?"

SorosBot

But it is not unclear; this is Sarah Palin, of course her and her team are morons and unaware of basic facts outside of her personal life.

Texan_Bulldog

I know. She thought she could waltz in there like it's the freaking Grand Canyon or something. Nothing like embarrassing yourself on an international scale.

horsedreamer_1

What is this? Why have these new "Saluddins" been allowed to usurp control of the birthplace of our Messiah?

(Psst: nobody tell Sarah that quite a few Palestinians are Christian.)

SorosBot

From her speech at the Wailing Wall she seems to think it's a holy Christian site; so I guess she's not sure why the Jews wouldn't keep Jesus' birthplace holy.

If there is a god, she will let slip that when she is president we she will arrange a final solution to this problem. Come on sarah, prove there's a god.

mayor_quimby

Fucking Winnage!
I think the Telegraph was trying to start a googlebomb. Very cool

GOPCrusher

I'd be willing to bet that this is not the first time that the words "Palin" and "Aborts" has been used in a sentence, nor will it be the last.

metamarcisf

It turns out that the Alaskan state song is Zappa's "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow"

Pragmatist2

How about this? What if we bombed Alaska instead of Libya?

bitchincamaro2

Wouldn't be sportin' enough. However, aerial targeting of unionists and poors with the F-16's six-barreled M61A1 cannon would have 'baggers sportin' wood faster than a Bristol Palin reach-around.

Pragmatist2

How about bombing wolves?
is that sporting enough?

jonzin

If you're rich, it's because you are awesome and you deserve it. If you are poor it's your own fault because of spending money on food and meth and caddies with rich peoples money. That's evolution! Even though we all know evolution is just some leftist crap to keep people from going to church and learning their rightful place in the world (on their needs sucking Moneybag's cock).

According to the Gospel of Teabagger, Jesus loved rich people and would curb stomp the poor.

horsedreamer_1

Yet as all these state governments debate cracking down on union rights, a new Gallup poll indicates that the number of Americans who support collective bargaining outnumber those who oppose it by a factor of two-to-one. In reporting the poll, Fox & Friends, a flagship Fox News show, switched the results, alleging that 61 percent of Americans are in favor of taking away collective bargaining rights and just 33 percent oppose doing so. In fact, the results showed just the opposite, with 61 percent for collective bargaining rights and 33 percent against. This is not the first time Fox News has presented an inaccurate picture of polling results, although in this instance, anchor Brian Kilmeade did issue a correction in the final minute of the show.

Republicans are stalwart: they don't pay attention to polls.

Of course, look how it ended up for George W. Bush. He didn't heed the polls in his disfavour, & he still got to be president. Twice.

Fare la Volpe

Once. Cheating the first time doesn't count.

horsedreamer_1

I was referring to his resistence to the polling on Election Day.

& I suppose that ingrate didn't get down on his knees to thank God for giving us Katherine Harris & Ken Blackwell.

Alaskuns are the most entitled people on earth. They deserve all the graft and moose meat they can eat because they bravely live in frozen hole unfit for human habitation 12 months out of the year. It's either dark and frozen or mosquito and black fly infested and to make it worse its inhabited mainly by libertarian meth heads. So they deserve government welfare.

squrrily

You need to learn how to spell bitch!

An_Outhouse

Does anyone live in Alaska other than reality show contestants?

horsedreamer_1

TIM TREADWELL WUZ HERE.

Fare la Volpe

Bears.

SorosBot

But the polar bears are going extinct thanks to global warming, which according to Alaskans is LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

SorosBot

According to statistics, meth-head rapists.

GOPCrusher

White Power Survivalists.

ThundercatHo

Sarah LouP better hurry home (bring bagels) since I'm sure she'll have something intelligent to add to this debate. On the other hand, it's Alaska, so who gives a shit?

Re: Fighter jet buying the farm. I have these guys flying practise sorties over my house everyday. If they eject in my yard I'll be serving something stronger than juice. Unless their stupid plane wrecks my barn or hurts my horses, then I'll kick their ass.

mayor_quimby

I thought it was suspicious that it had mechanical failure, was something they forgot to check when they finally had the chance to bomb some shit again. I doubt it. Probably got winged by a SAM that survived the airstrikes and limped to rebel territory. What are the chances of a F-15 losing both engines? Not high.
You know there's some Libyan dude bragging how he took out the crusaders' plane with his lowly AK – " One shot, I tell you Hassan, it was guided by the hand of Allah!"

Troubledog

I decided to leave you losers behind and get rich. Why keep fighting it? Just get rich and then they'll leave you alone too.

Pithaughn

I'll save you the trouble, Dog. A very wise person once said:
You’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes indeed
You’re gonna have to serve somebody
Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody

Troubledog

I believe the author of that lyric – he is rich, c'est vrai? Apparently his perceptions on servitude have nothing to do with the merits of wealth accumulation.

Gonna have to serve somebody, this is true
Could be jesus or a Goldman Sachs Jew
Piling up money till my time is through
I'll be serving somebody but it won't be you

ttommyunger

Well at least it will create lots of jobs, like they promised to do………What? No, wait!

MinAgain

If the dems run to Canada, we'll never get them back. They'll be seduced by the sexy Canadian babes with their sultry socialist ways.

Whoops, there's a typo there: It should read, "…failed ice colony of Alaska…"

Troubledog

Sorry, I couldn't make that out. I'm at a slave auction picking out some new business associates, and it's quite noisy.

hagajim

Ahhh…the mushroom stamping of America. I see Koch's everywhere, and when I turn around I see dildoes.

squrrily

Squrrily
The Republican Party has sold itself to the middle class as the Party that will keep us armed, keep the gays in the closet, and keep God in our schools. In reality the are the Party of greed,the Party that will destroy the environment, and now the Party that will put a boot on the neck of the little guy. So, go ahead, vote Republican we deserve what we get.

Serolf_Divad

I guess I think the same thoughts, over and over, just chenging the working a bit. It's the Hollywood blockbuster model, applied to quotes instead of movie plots, actually.

GOPCrusher

Hey! Wait a minute. Isn't that some of that Left-Wing Hate Rhetoric? Why do you hate Xtians and Capitalism, you Commie skum?

GOPCrusher

With every state in the union suddenly declaring war on the Unions and the Working Class in the last month, I want some wingnut to explain to me again how everything they do is not orchestrated by some Corporatists.

GeneralLerong

This jackleg Gatto represents Palmer, Alaska's Hick Central.

Ironically, most Alaskan spouses [the female ones] work public sector jobs despite the comparatively low pay so their family can have insurance and pension benefits while The Mighty Hunter or Commercial Fisherman…hunts and fishes.

As somebody who has constantly dreaded dental infusions I am somewhat doubtful of this. At the same time, I am going to need to search for a dental practitioner that offers this administration for my following visit.