Naga the White Serpent fiddled with the strings of her black leather
corset a bit, feeling as one with her sisters across the centuries while
she struggled for an equitable blend between fashion and comfort. "Are
you sure that all this is necessary? I feel so… so… overdressed."
She tried to hike her skirt a bit higher, but her attempt was in vain.

The eavesdroppers took a moment to imagine how this excessively endowed
woman might look, if she thought that was overdressed, and each
shivered.

Kodachi shook her head and sighed. "Dear heart, you know as well
as I that we don't want to seem too forward to our beloved. We must present
a united front! Besides, I would catch my death of cold trying to emulate
your usual fashions."

Naga waggled one finger in rebuke. "There are advantages to my usual
ensemble. After the second winter, I rarely felt even the worst chill.
What doesn't kill you--"

"Maims you in horribly vicious ways? A touch of frostbite no doubt
builds character," Kodachi finished brightly. Then added, "Oh,
I'm sorry if that sounded a bit sarcastic; don't know what I was thinking."

Naga started to reply, then gave it up. Looks like I've lost this
round. Oh well, happens to the best of us… Rather than dwell on
this horribly out-of-character thought, she reached into the steamer trunk
they'd purchased several days before and removed an extremely short miniskirt
that might cover the bare essentials. "Is this long
enough for your dress code?"

Kodachi shook her head in resignation. "I suppose. I can't expect
to change you in a week, after all. Go right ahead, display your ample
charms to the loutish rabble; see if I care."

Naga laughed briefly, a discomfort to the spies listening avidly to their
every word. "OHOHOHO! Dearie, it's obvious you care too much what
other people think."

"No, I just care what Ranma-sama thinks." Both women sighed
with longing. "And yet…"

"How long must we wait for our love?" Naga shook her head.
"I wish the oracle had given us some clearer signs…"

"Right now, of more importance to me is…"

Naga looked at her partner in concern. "More important than RANMA?!
You've still got a lot of growing up to do if…"

In response, Kodachi held up their last coin purse and shook it. It gave
the dull clunk of almost emptiness, rather than the tempting jingle of
sweet fullness. "How are we going to pay the bills? Unless we find
a job soon, we'll run out of money!"

The people still eavesdropping took this opportunity to slip away. All
thought to themselves as they leapt from rooftop to rooftop, scattering
in different directions, At last! Our masters will be pleased…

Part the Eighth:
Taunting The Beast

The Sea of Chaos said softly, musingly, "It's strange…"

Jenni, Lover of Cuteness Incarnate, took the straight line She'd been
offered and asked, "What's strange?"

The Sea of Chaos gestured towards Her feet and said, "Well, I've
seen more mortals in this situation than even I can remember, and yet…"
She sighed and said, "I still don't know how to act."

Jenni, an uncharacteristic depth in Her eyes, put one hand on the Sea
of Chaos's shoulder and said, "Yeah, I know what You mean. They tell
Us that this sort of thing doesn't happen to Us, but it does anyway, no
matter how much You might wish otherwise. The only thing to do is to remember
and move on."

The Sea of Chaos nodded as She bent down and gathered together all that
remained of Jusenkyou's once-immortal essence. "I will shatter the
thing that did this to You, My friend, and cast its spirit into a place
where it will never know My sight, a cold grey joyless place that gives
only despair and regret."

Jenni waved one of Her hands in the air. "Ooo! Ooo! Can I do a curse
too? I love those things!"

The Sea of Chaos looked ready to protest for a moment, then waved one
hand tiredly. "Go ahead."

Jenni cleared Her throat, then began. "When We find the creature
that has destroyed You, I shall make the place We cast its spirit smell
like Venice and look like London. The only food will be cooked cafeteria-style
and the only sounds will be… umm…" A sudden thought burrowed
its way into Her consciousness. "How will We find this creature,
anyway?"

"Oh, that's easy." The Sea of Chaos held up one finger. "Only
a being with the aid of Jusenkyou's Keys could have done this, and only
one being has these Keys now. She cannot hide forever, now that I know
her essence." That lone finger retreated into a clenched fist. "And
once I find her…"

Amelia came to with a start. "Where am I?" Without opening
her eyes, she realized that she was totally naked, soft cotton sheets
covering her body. The bed she was lying in was so comfortable, the covers
pressing down with just the right weight, and the pillow conforming so
perfectly to her head, that she almost turned over and went back to sleep.

A clear, piping voice said, "Ah, you is awake now."

The princess's eyes opened wide at this sudden intrusion on her peaceful,
half-aware state. She sat up, clutching the sheets close to her body,
and looked around. Amelia saw a young girl sitting by her bedside, darning
what looked like Amelia's shirt. Amelia asked softly,

"Who are you?"

The girl didn't look up from her work. "I name is Plum. You lying
in big cursed dried-up pool when Father found you, and he bring you here.
I fix clothes, yes?"

Amelia nodded slowly. "Um… yeah, sure." She leaned back against
a wall and looked around the room. It gave the impression of being more
an office than a real home, the sort of place a man might live if his
job required the occasional bit of overnight work. Half closing her eyes,
she tried to recall the events of the last few days.

Hmm… I remember finding that restaurant, walking in, and then…
She shivered involuntarily, clutching the blankets a bit closer. Drowning
in an endless ocean of blue…

Yeah, um… sorry about that.

Amelia sat straight up again. "What?"

Plum looked up, wincing as she pricked her finger. "Hmm? What you
ask?"

"…Never mind." Amelia leaned back against the wall once more,
suspicions beginning to cement themselves.

A magician, no matter of what kind, is trained from almost the first
day to look for… portents… of things that are almost certain to be
bloody annoying. Broad-shouldered men with a grim, set jaw, broadsword
clutched firmly in hand; maidens wearing once-rich clothes that have been
rent by brambles and thorns; and most telling of all, befuddled-looking
wizards with bent hats and robes of indeterminate color: all signs that
a Serious Quest was underway, maybe even a True Saga.

Although ‘Voices in Your Head’ wasn't at the head of that list, it was
in the top twenty at least.

She closed her eyes and thought very loudly, ALL RIGHT, WHOEVER YOU
ARE, TALK TO ME!!!

The voice said grumpily, No need to get into a huff. Stop shouting,
by Myself! It isn't as if this is My idea of fun either…

Amelia shook her head. Who are you?

Umm… Amelia got the distinct feeling that the voice was waffling.
Then, she gasped as something clicked inside her mind.

Some uncharitable people might describe Amelia wil Tesla de Saillune
as simple.

They would be right.

But simple is not the same as stupid.

Amelia was not stupid; not by any stretch of the imagination. Being out-and-out
stupid would have granted her the life expectancy of a jellyfish in a
Dragonslave during her younger years in the intrigue-ridden courts of
her homeland (and that's exactly what some calculating odds-makers had
given her) but there were other mitigating factors. One was the
twisted craftiness that centuries of backstabbing had bred into her family;
albeit a craftiness refracted through the metaphorical Lens of Justice
she carried within her.

Now, that twisted craftiness turned inward, adding one and one and one,
coming up with seventeen, and rang up no sale. Then it shrugged its metaphysical
shoulders and told Amelia the absurd conclusion it had drawn anyway.

Are you a god?

She heard the voice laugh softly. A very wise man once said that if
anyone ever asks that question, answer 'yes.'

Amelia blinked. What's your name?

Umm… erm… that's a… good question. I don't… quite know. Ever
had that feeling, like something was on the tip of your tongue and almost
ready to say itself?

Yeah…

Well, this not knowing my name thing feels just like the exact opposite
of that. It's as if I have a name, I know I have a name, but…
the name just isn't there.

Amelia said out loud, "That's weird." Plum looked up
at her again.

"What that?"

Amelia waved one hand nervously. "Never mind, never mind! Don't
mind me, hehe…" She chuckled falsely, and the little girl eyed
her for a moment before going back to her sewing.

"Ahh, honorable guest, you is awake? Very, very good." Amelia
looked up at the door, alarmed that someone could have walked in without
her noticing. A short, dumpy man wearing a strange green outfit was taking
off his hat and bowing deeply towards the puzzled princess. "Me have
very bad news for you. Me find you in empty spring in center of cursed
springs."

Because Amelia didn't seem to have a clue what the heck the strange little
man was saying, Plum supplied the next line. "And what drown in that
one?"

The little man held up one finger. "Ahh, is very strange, yes? That
one no one ever drown in, because it too far into center of springs. They
always drown in other one first." He shook his head. "I wonder
what in that one?"

Working for Dynast Grauscherra had few perks. One of them was the freedom
of having a fat slob of a boss who didn't much care what you did, as long
as you did what he said when he said it. Since he didn't usually ask for
much of anything, this was a good deal for the Mazoku who worked under
him, all of whom knew of Phibrizo's capricious games, Metallium's incessant
meddling, or Deep Sea Dolphin's silly courts, and wanted nothing to do
with that rot.

The problems came, of course, when he asked you to do something.

"'Follow the girls,'" quoted a rather bored being who enjoyed
being called Dighe the Corrupt; when he bothered with a name at all. "'Don't
harm them, just find out what they're going to get and make sure they
don't get it. Those damn Amazons can't keep up the barrier forever, and
the only reason they would send someone out is to get something -- or
someone -- that might help them.'"

He looked down at the two girls, who were wandering the streets of a
good-sized city, and grinned. He'd actually come to… like, in a way,
the two Amazons. Their minds were easily vulnerable to his skills, and
he'd had quite a few good meals off of them over the past few weeks. With
their fear of failure and censure from their fellow Amazons, all he had
to do was insert a single, simple image into their dreams and let them
run with it.

Delicious.

He'd be sorry to kill them.

Yeah, sure, it went against orders, but initiative had always been a
big part of Mazoku society. Otherwise, how would anyone rise to the top?

Even now, their terror at being lost drifted up to him, and he grinned
even wider. Then, his senses stretched to their limits to take all the
dark emotion that he could from this city, he caught a hint of something,
something he had not felt since…

He cursed. "DAMN him! How DARE he be here! I will destroy him!"
Expending a fraction of his precious energy, he vanished from the skies.

Ling Ling looked up at the sky. "Did you just feel…"

Lung Lung looked up too. "What?"

The Amazon paused for a moment, then shook her head. "Nothing."

Xelloss didn't need to sleep. Being a Creature of Ineffable Evil (he
thought that adding capitol letters to the phrase, even mentally, gave
it a certain panache), sleep wasn't only unnecessary, but somewhat…
repugnant, implying a weakness that he didn't like to think of.

Be that as it may, he was dozing off in his seat next to Luna's bed when
she sat up suddenly, jerkily. He snapped awake and said, "Jumpin'
gee whillikers, Luna-chan, that was…" Then he saw her eyes.

They weren't pits of luminescent, brilliant light, nor were they boring
into what passed for Xelloss' skull, nor did they burn with the wisdom
of centuries. To anyone without the power that Xelloss still had, they
would have still been the same pale blue of a sky that gave no warning
before a sudden storm.

But to Xelloss, they gave away the dead certainty that a god was in control
of her body. And it was a god that he was intimately familiar with, a
god he'd faced across many bloody battlefields in the days when the war
between the dragons and the Mazoku was still burning fresh.

He said tentatively, "Hello, Dragon God Ceipheed. It's so nice to
see you again."

"And you, Xelloss, are looking… fine." His voice was still
Luna's - no destruction of a host's vocal cords just to sound flashy for
Ceipheed - but to those with the ears to hear, there was no doubt who--
or what-- was really speaking.

"What do you want with Luna, Ceipheed?"

Ceipheed tilted his head slightly, as if in thought. The pause that weighted
the air between them told Xelloss all he needed to know. "To do what
is necessary, of course."

Xelloss sneered. "Golly, figures that you would clothe your hypocrisies
in cryptic riddles. I never did like you, you know that?"

"And you think that I love you for slaughtering My people, eh?"

The Mazoku had no response for that. Ceipheed nodded. "I will not
destroy Luna unless I have to. The next woman who would be my carrier
is not yet ready. It would crush her."

"Yes, well…" Xelloss was nonplussed. He didn't know why Ceipheed
had chosen to shelter inside humans as he healed from the shattering wounds
Shabranigdo had inflicted upon him, but he did know that interrupting
it could do no good for the being that Ceipheed would become. "Why
are you revealing yourself?"

"Because things have taken a turn. She is distracted, and turns
Her eyes from our plight."

Xelloss didn't need to ask whom Ceipheed was speaking of. "You mean…"

"Yes." The Dragon God didn't elaborate. Xelloss nodded slowly.

"And so we'll have to…"

"Yes."

"Gee, what am I going to do?"

The Dragon God spoke, and Xelloss listened.

Soun was happy.

It wasn't often that he could make a claim like that anymore, especially
in any way connected with his ancient and very evil master, Happosai.
But he had given the middle-aged martial artist a goal, a purpose in life
that stretched beyond marrying his daughters off and living with one of
them.

Yes, his new silky darlings were worth all the trouble.

He buried his hands up to his wrists in his box of panties and cackled
in glee.

"Father?"

At the sudden call from the hall, Soun shoved the box into his closet
under the futon and said warily, "Yes?"

Soun stood up. "Yes, of course!" Casting about for some topic
of conversation, he asked, "How's Ranma?"

Kasumi shrugged. "Poor Ranma-kun. He hasn't woken up yet. But Zelgadis-san
and Lina-chan say that he'll be all right in a few hours!"

Nodding in pleasure, Soun walked past his daughter. As soon as he was
past, Kasumi's pleasant expression changed to what anyone who didn't know
her would have called a mild frown.

But to those who did, they would have known that the person on the receiving
end had enraged her, driven her to a point that she'd never been to before.
And they would have feared her.

Whenever anyone angered the other two Tendo sisters, a person knew
what would happen. No one had ever actually seen Kasumi angry,
so that meant that no one could know what she'd do.

Not even Kasumi herself.

That didn't mean that something wouldn't be done. Oh, no.

"Kasumi?"

Kasumi looked around her shoulder and saw Gourry, the blonde swordsman
to whom she hadn't spoken very much, and had to force a smile on her face
for the first time in ten years. "Yes?"

Gourry rubbed the back of his head. "You looked like you were trapped
in an excessively long internal monologue, and I just thought I'd help
you out!"

Now Kasumi's smile was genuine, and it broadened. "Why, thank you,
Gourry-kun!"

The swordsman's nose twitched. "Hey, is that food?" He rushed
past Kasumi and ran down the stairs. Kasumi looked one last time into
her father's room, shrugged, slid the door shut, and turned to follow
Gourry.

No Mazoku likes being lost. Being lost implies being weak, and being
weak implies being flesh, and fewer things pleases any hellspawn less
than the implication of actually being trapped in a bag of mud and blood.
Just the thought of it was enough to send most Mazoku into a city-destroying
rage, which usually solved the problem of being lost anyway, so things
usually worked out for the best!

The only problem with such a system is, of course, when you want to avoid
destroying the city that you're lost in…

Loxim, Mazoku, sailor, and fugitive from what passes for Mazoku justice,
was trying very hard not to destroy Tokyo in a sudden rampage… though
for some reason he got the feeling that there had been others here before
him with the same urge and far less restraint…

He shook off the Ghosts of B-movies Past and stopped a young woman who
was walking nearby. "Excuse me, do you know where I could find the
Restaurant of the Cat?"

Now, most girls would have shrieked in terror and fled at the mere sight
of him, which is why Loxim was currently wrapped up in an intricate illusion.
He'd just picked an man's image out of his past, and certainly wasn't
expecting the girl to just stop dead and stare at his face.

"Da gweh bweh…" He noticed that she was drooling slightly,
and he reached up to wipe it off her chin. He frowned. This means something
among humans… but what? I can't remember!

The moment his hand touched her face, she backpedaled furiously. Her
face turned red, and Loxim touched her mind for a moment, just long enough
to find out that she was going to shout over her shoulder, "Ling-Ling!"

It actually came out as "Oh my God look at this guy he's so HOT!"
but that's not important right now. What was important is that another
young woman, who'd been looking at a display of cloth, glanced up and
saw the disguised Mazoku as well.

"What about him?"

"Can't you see that he's HOT?!!"

Loxim was even more lost than he'd been a minute ago; at least then all
he'd had to worry about was where the hell he was. "As far as I can
tell, I'm the same temperature I've always been…" The Mazoku felt
his own forehead for a moment and frowned.

The young woman who'd been looking at the cloth stepped forward. "Don't
mind my sister, Lung-Lung. She's an idiot. I'm Ling-Ling. What did you
ask her?"

Loxim said tentatively, "Um… where is the… Restaurant of the
Cat..?"

Ling-Ling shook her head. "No problem, my sister and I will take
you right there!" She grabbed Loxim's hand and started pulling him
along. Loxim noticed her sister glaring at Ling-Ling, but for the unlife
of him didn't know why…

Zelgadis was in the dojo, holding his sword out in what he'd always called
the Impressively Cool Stance. Being a self-taught swordsman hadn't given
him many official-sounding titles for the various ways to hold a sword,
and so he'd given them the names that naturally occurred to him.

The Impressively Cool Stance involved holding his left hand out, extended
as if telling someone to halt, while the right hand was drawn back, holding
the sword over his head. Most of his weight was on his rear foot, but
his whole body was coiled tight, ready to bring the sword out in a sweeping
slash from almost any direction, or even bring the sword forward in a
thrust, with the left hand moving to assist at just the right moment…

Zelgadis believed in practicality melded with beauty in all things, and
nowhere was this more apparent then his swordsmanship; however, he didn't
believe in excessive floweriness. He called it the Impressively Cool Stance
because that's what it was.

He lowered his sword and looked around at the walls of the dojo with
fresh eyes. Somehow, this frail construction of wood, with patched walls
and leaky roof, managed to distill peace and channel it to anyone inside,
letting them practice without anger or distraction.

A jarring note suddenly sounded in the harmony of the dojo, and Zelgadis
immediately whipped his sword up into the Sticking The Pointy End Into
Someone Stance. Sadly, it wouldn't do him much good, as the person who'd
disrupted the peace was none other than Xelloss.

The chimera lowered the sword slowly. "What are you doing
here?" That's when he noticed something subtle, something that he
hadn't quite caught in his first glance.

Xelloss had his eyes open.

Both of them.

The Trickster Priest said slowly, "You have to listen to me, Zelgadis.
Right now, you're all in grave danger, and I'm just gosh-darned gonna
have to take Lina Inverse with me in order to prevent one part of the
Ultimate Disaster. What I need you to do is go with two little girls that
will show up soon, along with all the people from this place that might
help you."

"Hmm?" For the first time in as long as Zelgadis had known
the Mazoku, he looked… rushed, almost harried, as though he were trying
to do something that he hadn't been expecting. Then, in the third strange
event of the conversation, Xelloss said something that the chimera had
never, ever expected to hear from his mouth.

"Cuddlepie?" Cologne looked at Happi as she spoke, her face
glowing with joy.

"Yes, snoogywookums?" His face was intent on the intricate
clockwork traps that protected what they'd decided to take as a souvenir
on this leg of their journey.

"Are the zombies supposed to be getting back up, pootielove?"

Happosai frowned without looking up. "I don't think so… after
all, we didn't stop attacking them until they were all dust…"

"Oh. Then this must be a fresh batch. I'll take care of them while
you get the Egg out, Happidumpling!"

The sounds of battle breaking out behind him didn't disturb the aged
martial artist's concentration at all, until a flying bit of zombie hors
d'ouvres came flying over his shoulder, breaking the machinery, and setting
off every trap in the place…

Since there was no percentage in hesitation, Happosai grabbed the egg
and shouted over his shoulder, "Run, my darling! Run!"

There were so many levels to Ranma's hatred of falling. The first
(and simplest) was the sickening sensation that conjured unpleasant slit-eyed
ghosts from his past, yowling in the pits of his mind. The second was
that falling usually meant that someone had hit him in the first place
with a fist or foot or mallet or giant frozen flounder, and he'd have
to deal with the consequences after landing. The third was…

Well, suffice to say there were a lot of reasons that Ranma hated
falling.

But he hated landing even more.

So when he found himself falling, somewhere above the mountains of Japan,
with no memory of how or why, he naturally groaned and braced himself
for impact.

When he landed with absolutely no pain at all, and saw Ryouga waiting
there for him with an impatient look, Ranma Saotome was dead certain he
was stuck in a dream, and most likely a nightmare to boot.

Ranma hated nightmares even more than landing.

"C'mon, Saotome! If you don't hurry up, she's going to catch
up with us!"

"Who's ‘she’?"

Ryouga looked around like a hunted animal and whispered, "Your wife."

Ranma stood up straight, the fact that this was a dream already lost,
and started running down the road. He thought about asking little things
like who his wife was or why he was running away from her, but he figured
that the answers to those questions were pretty self-explanatory anyway.

He ran, wild and free, the epitome of his namesake. He ran, faster than
the eye could follow. He ran as though the hounds of hell were nipping
at his heels. The only thing that could have stopped him was… a tollgate.

Ranma almost didn't stop in time. His heels dug into the earth as he
tried to defy Newton's Laws of Motion. Fortunately for him, this was just
a dream, and he skidded to a halt mere inches away from the guard, who
cringed in anticipation of the impact.

When it didn't come, the guard cracked open an eye, looked carefully
at the martial artist who stood, panting, within hugging distance. He
straightened up suddenly, leaping backward as he held one hand out. "H-halt!"
he said quaveringly, apparently overlooking the fact that Ranma already
was halted. "I can't let you go by until you choose!"

Ranma was confused. "Choose what?"

"Choose… your destiny!" Suddenly, a giant game wheel popped
out of the ground as cheesy music started playing. Colored streamers came
sailing from the sky, covering the ground in meaningless snarls.

Ryouga kicked his way through a drift of them as he came to a halt beside
Ranma and gasped, "Ah, the Wheel of Time! Will you be crushed by
it, or move on to the top?" Improbably, Ryouga was wearing a pink
tutu and a black pig mask as he held out his hands in a Vanna White manner.

"Gweh?"

The old ghoul pogoed around the edge of the wheel and shouted, "Yes!
You must decide whether to inherit the future coming to you, or to whimper
in fear as…"

She was cut off by a sudden shout of "YOU IDIOT!!" Akane stormed
up and seized Ranma's ear. "We start shooting the next episode in
fiveminutes, and you go running off just to…"

"WAKE UP!"

Ranma had no qualms with waking up, even with Xelloss’ face waiting for
him on the other side of sleep. "Stupid nightmares," he muttered.

"What?"

Ranma shook his head. "Never mind. But… thanks for waking me up."

Xelloss said grimly, "Golly, Ranma, I wouldn't be too certain of
that if I were you…"

Luna/Ceipheed staggered to their feet, grimacing from the pain. We
don't have a choice… we must get the only people who can do this to
the place where…

They became aware of a tearing sound coming from the front room, and
focused enough energy to detect what was doing it. They gasped in shock.
What is HE doing here! Traitor… defiler… Then, they gathered
their anger and bundled it away. We are not strong enough to fight
him; not now. We must escape!

The wall facing the front room fell in with a crash, revealing a being
that Ceipheed had once known as Dilphe; a being that had betrayed his
own race for a devil's bargain… with a devil.

"You're looking well," Ceipheed said cautiously.

"And you… are looking like a dead woman who hasn't realized it
yet." With that, Dighe the Corrupt wrapped one tentacle around in
a circular fashion, creating a blast that lanced out towards Luna/Ceipheed.

They dodged and gave up a fraction of energy to create a lance of white
energy, but it spattered against the thick hide of the Mazoku, who laughed
scornfully. Luna cursed separately from Ceipheed. Dammit, why did I
leave Filia in the mountains? She could be really useful right now…

Because, Ceipheed said grimly, if she saw Me as I am right
now, she wouldn't survive the experience…

Filia sneezed and rubbed at her snout. This wasn't my idea, Filia
thought grimly as she turned around in the small cave again. I wish
there was another way to do this…

"But," she continued out loud, "I HAVE to obey her. She
answers to a higher authority than me. I just wish…"

She scratched at the belly-strap and whined, "I just wish she hadn't
put a saddle on meeeeee..!"

To be continued.

Author’s notes: Don't despair, Naga fans, and put down the torches and
pitchforks; the infamous duo will be appearing in their OWN SIDE STORY!
So don't lynch me for not having them in here for more than a short appearance…

Hmm… no doubt canon fans will be wondering, "Who the hell is this
Dighe character? I don't remember him…" Well, the reason you don't
remember him is because I created him, so deal. I needed a villain anyway.

Oh, and the ‘beast’ I was referring to in the title is you, the reader!
I can see that most of this chapter was just setting up later ones, teasing
you mercilessly… *begins fortifying door* I hope nobody comes after
me for it…

Can't think of anything else that needs to be explained right now…
this chapter was shorter than most of the ones I've been putting out lately,
but Dramatic Necessity demanded it end here. Sorry. I'll try to write
more for my five fans, really I will!