You can make it happen here. Liven up the club with a boffo idea for bob-a-job week. Mail carrot@auslink.net with your comments, ideas or suggestions.

WHERE TO BUY GOODIES GEAR IN NORTH AMERICA

North American fans are always asking where they can get Goodies videos and CDs. And is seems that if you want them, Brits the online store for all things British, located at http://www.britsusa.com/ , is the place to go.

Goodies videos in NTSC format are available for $19.99 (and can be delivered to your home within 2-3 weeks), the CD "Yum Yum - The Very Best Of The Goodies" is available by special order (though according to Sally at Brits they will stock it on a regular basis if there's enough demand) and I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again cassettes and Bill Oddie's bird books are also stocked.

So head to Brit's special Goodies page at http://www.britsusa.com/thegoodies.html for more info or you can e-mail them at brits@fastlane.com, phone them on (785) 843 2288 or toll free 1 888 38 BRITS or maybe even head down to their store located 732 Mass. St, Lawrence, Ks, 66044, USA. And tell them we sent you!

UQ - GAS BLASTS OFF AGAIN

by Luke Blanch, s348909@student.uq.edu.au

I'm the Treasurer of the University of Queensland Goodies Appreciation Society (or UQ-GAS for short). I'll tell you a bit about the club. We were affiliated with the UQ Student Union Clubs and Societies in Oct '97 and had approx. 130 members by the end of last year (more members than most clubs have in total). All these students becoming members (for $2... it's $3 in '98) gained membership in 1998 as well. On O- Week market day we signed 170 new members and at our first meeting we signed an extra 80. Therefore in a little under six months we've grown to approx. 370 members (one of the largest clubs in the Union).

We aim to spread the Goodies philosophy and get the boys re-screened on good Ol' Aunty. We also have a lot of signatures on the petitions for the re-screening of all episodes. We were going to include the liberation of gibbons but.…

Anyway, we're just out to have fun and give our members a good time. We show episodes (free for members) and have all you can eat pizza afterwards for a small fee.... And we're preparing a web page which will be on the uni server soon. And we're open to ALL members of the community.

GOODIES-L

If you've experienced trouble with Goodies-L recently, don't worry, the problem has been fixed by list controller, Jon Potter. This means that 'certain people' can resume posting loony messages to it from their boat, The Saucy Gibbon, located outside the 5 mile limit. If you're intrigued and would like to join in the fun you can subscribe to Goodies-L by e-mailing listserv@lss.com.au with SUBSCRIBE GOODIES-L YOUR NAME (eg. SUBSCRIBE GOODIES-L BILL ODDIE) in the body of the message.

IRC MEETING

Thanks to all those who turned up to the IRC meeting last Sunday. We thrashed out a few ideas regarding t-shirts and the Goodies convention and we will be getting to work on both of these plans this month…

T-SHIRTS

A week or so ago you should have all received a voting form for Goodies t-shirts. Voting has now closed and the results are as follows:

Design #9

Picture of The Goodies on the trandem, as worn in the series, with a slogan on the back. - 61 votes

Design #6

'The Goodies' in the bubble writing with a silhouette of The Goodies on the trandem below it, with a slogan on the back. - 58 votes

Thank you to all those that voted. We are now working on a design for both of these t-shirts and will let you know as soon as possible about the cost of each t-shirt.

Many people have been asking about the slogans which will appear on the back of the t-shirt. The proposals are 'Anything, Anytime', 'It's whatever turns you on' and 'It's anything you want it to be'. IMHO it would probably be possible for everyone to pick one of these quotes to have on their t-shirt, rather than force everyone to have the same quote.

There has also been concern about whether larger sizes will be available and yes they will. When you order we'll ask you to chose your preferred front design, back quote, size and maybe even t-shirt colour. We'll look into it further this month.

If you have any questions or comments about the t-shirts or would like to help out please e-mail carrot@auslink.net.

CONVENTION COMMITTEE MEETING

The first meeting of the convention committee will be held in the next month on IRC. If you would like to attend please e-mail carrot@auslink.net with your preferred time to meet. The convention committee's aim this year is to determine how much money we'd need to stage the convention and whether we would need to get a fundraising scheme going or seek sponsorship.

2. SPOTTED!!!

More exciting than getting your wig-spotters badge! If you've seen a Goodie recently, e-mail carrot@auslink.net with the details. Here's where we've Spotted!!! The Goodies this month:

WOODY WOODY YUM YUM?

by Stephen Lister, slister@raleigh.ibm.com

While pottering around on the weekend, I happened to have the TV on for a bit of background noise. The Davis Cup tennis was on and our doubles team (Mark Woodforde and Todd Woodbridge, collectively known as the Woodies) were playing. On a regular basis, the Australian supporter contingent would let loose with a rousing 'Woody Woody Yum Yum', paraphrasing our own beloved phrase quite nicely (and reasonably in tune too). The laughs from the crowd (in Mildura, no less!) proved once again that our lads are still able to raise a laugh, anywhere, anytime....

TIM ON THE LIVE SIX SHOW

by David Balston, david.balston@virgin.net

Tim Brooke-Taylor was one of the guests on the Thursday 9th of April edition of Sky One's magazine show "The Live Six Show" where a rare piece of footage was shown with Tim singing with Cliff Richard.

HI THERE POP PICKERS…

by Michael Clarkson, ajp95127@ccsun.strath.ac.uk

The Goodies' "Funky Gibbon" was played on the Radio 2 archive programme 'Pick of the Pops' recently, with Alan 'Fluff' Freeman presenting in his own usual style.

The way that any record is introduced on this programme is to use a little jingle - either verbal or piece of music to imply what the record is. This piece of music would normally refer to the title or very occasionally, artist. However, in this case, neither was used: the record from Bon Jovi summed it up: 'God gave rock and roll to you, gave rock and roll to you...' implying (correctly) that the record was in fact an all time rock classic!

It must also be said that the version played came from "Yum Yum: Very Best Of..." album and Freeman called the record 'absolutely wicked'... as well as citing the B-side "Sick Man Blues".

TIM IN SEX SCANDAL SHOCK HORROR PROBE CONFESSION

by Duncan Lilly, duncan.lilly@uk.drsolomon.com and David Balston, david.balston@virgin.net.

Channel 4's late night sports discussion program "Under The Moon" had that fine winter sportsman - Tim Brooke-Taylor on as a guest on 2nd of April. The intro piece mentioned that his mother was an athlete and his grandfather (who was a vicar) played football for England in 18-something! They also showed a clip from The Goodies of Tim getting all impassioned about something, psyching Bill and Graeme up, then when Bill and Graeme rush out of the door , running over and shutting it behind them! Then Bill and Graeme return and drag the protesting Timbo along too.

After the intro the show got down to business discussing all things cricket and football with viewers phoning in to talk to the panel, but they went slightly off topic when the following question was asked:

CALLER: Tim, imagine you are in the last minute of the world cup final....

TIM: I often do.

CALLER: I'm sure you do, the ball's in the penalty spot, now you hit the back of the net, you win the World Cup final for England.

TIM: Then I wake up.

CALLER: Well no, this is reality, you've go to have sex with Bill Oddie or Graeme Garden, who do you chose?

PRESENTER: It's easier than the other Goodies because Tim is the slightly effeminate looking fella but the other two are right hairy arses aren't they?

CALLER: You're avoiding the question aren't you.

TIM: I'm not being allowed a word, I would go for Graeme because he's a qualified doctor.

OTHER PRESENTER: He's got very gentle hands.

PRESENTER: No one would sleep with Oddie surely?

OTHER GUEST: Well he like's the Birds, doesn't he.

PRESENTER: Yes, he's a twitcher isn't he.

Later in the show Tim attempted to get a basketball through the net for 50 pounds - he failed, shame. Another highlight (the show was packed with them) was when a caller rung in asking to speak to the pretty blonde in the middle (referring to a female jockey called Dee) 'That will be Tim Brooke-Taylor then.' the presenter retorted.

GRAEME GETS ORGANISED

by Clive Robertson, croberts@mail.usyd.edu.au

I recently saw Graeme Garden presenting a video about Teamwork Skills and Organisation. I'm not sure of the exact title, but I saw this as part of a subject I take at Sydney Uni and it is actually available in our student library. Maybe others have it in their Uni libraries? It's a bit disappointing though, he appeared to have no remnants of the lush foliage that once adorned his cheeks (GG - sideburn idol).

MILE HIGH SHAKEDOWN

by Wendy Hill, whill@nla.gov.au

Flying to Melbourne recently I was surprised to hear a Goodies song on the UK Comedy channel. It was "The Cricklewood Shakedown". Not one of their best, but better than nothing. I think some of the other passengers were a little worried about the short Canberran bopping along to the earphones, grinning. People are so serious on planes, I've noticed.

GOODIES IN CULT TV

by Duncan Lilly duncan.lilly@uk.drsolomon.com

As was mentioned in the last C&G, the British magazine Cult TV has done an article on The Goodies. They rounded them all up, took them out to lunch and recorded the results.… The cover of the mag is the female half of the Friends cast, but there's a quote from Tim: 'I hated playing that awful tosspot'!!! It's a BIG article - seven pages in all (though one is just a full page photo of GG, TBT and BO (poor bloke, what a set of initials!). There's a fair few pictures scattered about; some old and some new.

Note to sensitive readers: This article has been certified as a 12 certificate. It contains some swearing and mild violence but no sex (thank goodness! I'm afraid the thought of Bill Oddie....)

The article appears in the latest issue; April 1998, Season 2, Episode 4. There's a short teaser piece at:

You can order by credit card on +44 (0)1458 271110 or you can post your order to Cult TV" Back Issues, Future Publishing Ltd, Cary Court, Somerton, Somerset, TA11 6TB, UK. (Cheques must be draw in sterling on a UK account, made payable to Future Publishing Ltd.)

GRAEME ON THE CLIVE JAMES SHOW

Graeme Garden appeared on "The Clive James Show" on 3rd March. He was the first guest on the show and spent an amusing 5 minutes or so going through the week's newspapers with Clive. Australians can see this episode on Tuesday 14th April at 10.30pm on Channel 7.

TIM IN IF I RULED THE WORLD

by David Balston, david.balston@virgin.net and Phil Wadey, phil.wadey@WHICH.NET.

March 13th saw the broadcast of episode three of "If I Ruled The World", with Tim Brooke-Taylor on Jeremy Hardy's team and Greg Proops on Graeme Garden's team. One of the highlights of the show is a round called "I Couldn't Disagree More" where one team had to make statements that the other team would contradict completely. Tim and Jeremy were firing statements at Graeme when Tim came out with this one:

TIM: Graeme, as a fan, I think it's time they repeated 'The Goodies' on television.

GRAEME: No, I couldn't disagree more, it was time to repeat them on television ten, fifteen years ago.

CLIVE: This game's been hijacked.

While Clive was trying to deliver these lines the audience applauded and cheered like mad and Graeme gave a triumphant wave to the audience.

IF I RULED THE WORLD

David Balston, david.balston@virgin.net went along to the taping of the final episode of "If I Ruled The World". Here's what happened:

The show was great fun. The guests were comedian Mark Steel (with Graeme) and Doon MacKichan of "Alan Partridge" fame was on Jeremy's team. The recording took about an hour but then some rather unnecessary retakes took about another half an hour - mainly to tidy up the intros and exits (and to cover the fact that someone in the audience fainted just a bit too noisily) but also because the director didn't like Clive's opening joke (or maybe it was to save time - Clive's feelings were still hurt none the less).

Both Jeremy and Graeme had a turn at "I couldn't disagree with you more", but the show was stolen by Doon who had to read a series of football chants in the style of a political speech (shades of ISIHAC methinks) and she added a couple of obscene (and unbroadcastable) chants of her own. Needless to say the audience loved this and it won the game for Jeremy's team.

I'll leave you with a joke from Mark Steel used in the show which didn't have a hope of being broadcast: 'We should reintroduce the system of rhymes to help children remember the wives of the monarchy such as Henry VIII's "Divorced, Beheaded, Died - Divorced, Beheaded, Survived". This should be updated for the current Royal family, "divorced, divorced, divorced , divorced, divorced, crashed".'

BILL IN FOOD FIGHT

Bill Oddie appeared on the new Channel 5 comedy food quiz show "Food Fight" on April 8th. Food expert, Nancy Lam also appeared in the show, along with regulars Andy Parsons and Henry Naylor. According to Parsons and Naylor (who are touring Australia at the moment) one round requires the contestants to be blindfolded and then guess what they are being given to eat. Apparently the foods on offer included such delicacies as pig's brains and dandelion leaves, so god knows what horrible things Bill had to eat.

GOODIES ON THE HUB

by Mark Longmuir, longmuir@labyrinth.net.au

For those Australians with Foxtel, there are a few Goodies clips in this weeks "The Hub" on Arena, during a report on clowning. There should be a few more repeats of this before a new episode on Tuesday.

3. GOODIES EPISODE SUMMARY no 3

For those of you unacquainted with Goodies-L, Brett Allender, bretta@comcirc.com.au had been regularly posting to the list, summaries and reviews of each Goodies episode. And we thought they were so good that we decided to publish one each month, for the 75 months. Here's this month's:

LOVE THE POLICE

(Episode 3, Series 1)

First transmitted 22nd November 1970

PLOT

Tim quietly reads the Radio Times (with the help of a magnifying glass to find something of interest!) and Bill also has his head buried in a newspaper, while Graeme stares out the window at a fierce storm, then magically changes the view to a sunny Hawaiian island as he pulls the shutters. Their tranquility is short-lived however, as the Police Commissioner and his offsider burst in and rough them up a bit. The police want the Goodies to help them change their poor public image, so the Goodies prepare for a drive down the street to find out exactly what the problem is. Bill slips into the magic wardrobe and comes out as a short-haired, big-booted bovver-boy, but they haven't even left their office when the window is smashed and the office is surrounded by cops. The sergeant has left his gloves in their office and even resorts to putting a vicar and Tim's Mum on the loud-hailer in a bid to retrieve them.

A pedal down the street sees the Goodies receive a parking ticket when lines and signs are moved deliberately by the Commissioner. Tim gets no help from an uncooperative cop when he asks for the time (until the cop marches him over to a jeweller's shop, shoves a clock in his face, then makes him buy it) while Bill is forced to strip off his bovver-boy gear, then only avoids being arrested by the offer of a bribe and the trandem is then trapped at an intersection when all roads are sealed off. The Goodies realise that they have an impossible task to change police attitudes and still can't think of any ideas when the Commissioner returns, kicks their office door in and interrogates Tim.

Bill retreats from this violence via another lemon sherbet fix ("certain substances!") and comes up with a 'laughing policeman' image. As the police haven't laughed for years and consider it far too undignified, the Goodies become police officers and bring a hippy aspect to the beat as they toss flowers, feed parking meters (much to the displeasure of a pursuing female parking officer who has to continually scrunch up her tickets), unravel pedestrian crossings for little old ladies, perform magic tricks while on traffic duty (to a standing ovation from passers-by), read stories to tramps, play loud pop music and bath in the nude in a park pond!

This 'disturbing increase in police humanity' greatly upsets the real police (especially the proposition of a free police concert in Hyde Park) and after he belts himself repeatedly with a truncheon ("Stop it, I'm beginning to enjoy it!"), the Commissioner poses as a sexy lady who pretends to strip off for a swim in the pond and then arrests the Goodies. They get 5 years hard labour after they supposedly receive a fair trial (with police officers acting as judge, prosecutor, defence, jury and witnesses!), but then Tim conducts his own defence with Graeme on sad saxophone and Bill on backup bleating and the case is dismissed. All present in the courtroom then strike up a harmony of "All we are saying, is give police a chance!". (Groan!)

Tim: "It's Tony Blackburn." Graeme: "He wants to be on Top Of The Pops"

* (chorus at the end): "All we are saying, is give police a chance!"

CLASSIC SCENES

* the police trapping the trandem for a parking ticket by encouraging the line painter to continually extend the "no parking" line after a fleeing Graeme, chasing him out onto the road and even painting the line across Graeme's back when he stumbles and falls over.

* the sergeant forcing Bill to strip out of his 'dangerous' clothes and then arresting him for indecent exposure

* Tim the policeman telling the time via a cuckoo clock in his helmet

* Bill's nude romp in the pond with just his policemen's helmet for cover (not surprisingly, this has been cut from the ABC version)

Apart from some good visual clips in the musical sections, the bulk of the episode is made up of rather boring 'police brutality' scenes with very little amusing dialogue or visual effects. In my opinion it is close to their worst episode and a comparison to their superb previous episode (Snooze) underlines the erratic quality of their first series.

RATING

I Tripe on t' picklets

BLACK PUDDING RATING SYSTEM

IIIII Superstar

IIII Officially amazing

III Goody goody yum yum

II Fair-y punkmother

I Tripe on t' pikelets

4. GOODIES MUSIC REVIEW

Hi there pop pickers and welcome to this month's music review.

WHO?

The Goodies with "TAKING MY OYSTER FOR WALKIES" as reviewed by your deranged DJ's Jimmy Babble (AKA Brett Allender) and Empress Caligula (AKA Alison Bean). By the way last month's hosts Tony Whitefreeze and Caroline Kooky had an epic black pudding duel after disagreeing over the humour content of "Rock With A Policeman" and won't be back for a few months until after their brain surgery (getting one put in!)

WHERE? WHEN?

Only available on "The Goodies Beastly Record", released circa 1977/78.

WHAT?

Jimmy: A lilting love song about Graeme's remarkable romance with a quite delicious oyster that escaped the cooking pot and created an oyster bed for the two of them instead. People stop and stare as he takes his oyster for walkies rather slowly (as it has very few feet ... if any!), and despite his admission of infidelity by causing a scandal with a scallop, they have an excellent chance of a pearl together, especially when she comes out of her shell!

Empress C: Yes it seems that Graeme has traded romantics picnics with his computer for Sunday strolls by the sea, accompanied by his oyster. This lovable crustacean has won the day leaving Graeme's past companions: mussels, winkles, jellied eels, scallops, cockles, limpets, lobsters to jump into the spaghetti marinara of broken romance. But the main thing is that Graeme and his mollusc friend are happy and making some fine oyster sauce together, apparently.

WHY?

Jimmy: Well it's not my plaice to carp about it, but its sole porpoise is to fish for a few laughs and any whaling to the contrary will only flounder! (clunk, click, those puns are so limp, ets embarrassing!) Actually its a gently rolling tune is rather like the ocean on a pleasant summer's day, but Graeme's humour is drier than the Simpson Desert as he professes his love for his Queen of The Oyster Parade (the kinky devil!)

Empress C: It's Oprah meets The Little Mermaid in this confessional through song, featuring lyrics with so many shellfish puns, that they stink more than seaweed. But believe me, I'm not saying that this is a load of carp. Far from it, this delightful, oompah-ish tune warms the cockles of ones heart whilst simultaneously providing one with a chuckle or two. I'm not sure I can relate to Graeme's obviously strong attraction to various seafood though. I think I agree with the final lyric which is: 'GRAEME: Give us a kiss. FX: Slurp. GRAEME: Oh dear.' Oh dear indeed, it's somewhat of a worry, but beach to their own...(boom tish!).

* Next month's music review will be "BLOWING OFF". If you have a copy of this song, you are invited to contribute to this section under your own silly, Goodies related pseudonym. *

5. GOODIES TRIVIA QUIZ

by quizmaster David McAnally dsm@maths.uq.edu.au

1. What held the sun lamp aloft in "Winter Olympics"?

2. What sport did Tim play on the moon in "Invasion Of The Moon Creatures"?

3. Where did the lighthouse come to rest in "Lighthouse Keeping Loonies"?

4. What are the names of the Goodies' triplet sons in "2001 and a Bit"? And which Goody does each of the triplets resemble physically and temperamentally?

ANSWERS TO LAST MONTH'S QUESTIONS

1. When the Goodies were outfitted, by their quick-change wardrobe, for their trek to search for Hazel's father, Professor Nuts, what clothing did the wardrobe supply Hazel with for the journey?

A: With a towel.

2. In "Lighthouse Keeping Loonies", all the Goodies became ill from a disease which had been prophesied in a song. What was it?

A: Mumps.

3. What was unusual about the passengers on the train in "Daylight Robbery of the Orient Express"?

A: All of the passengers were fictional detectives (with multiple copies of each detective).

4. What was the name of Graeme's robot in "U-Friend or UFO?"

A: EBGB

THE END

That's it for this month. Hope you're all having a smashing Easter and that Big Bunny has brought you lots of chocolate eggs.

Cheers,

Alison Bean

carrot@auslink.net

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DISCLAIMER

This is an archive newsletter of The Goodies Rule - OK! International Fan Club (copyright The Goodies Rule - OK! 1998). Some of the information in this newsletter may now be incorrect. Current information can be obtained from http://www.goodiesruleok.com

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