Ethical Wills: Preserving Your Legacy of Values with an Ethical Living Will

Ethical Wills: Preserving Your Legacy of Values

(By Barry K. Baines, M.D.)

I remember the phone call I received from Dr. Stanley that cold January
in 1990. I had returned to Minnesota several weeks earlier, following
a week in warm, sunny Florida to visit my parents. Dad was feeling a
bit tired and noticed he couldn't play as many sets of tennis as he wanted
to. He also had this cough that didn't want to go away. "So, my
son the doctor, what should I do?" I replied "Dad, go see Dr.
Stanley".

He did. "Walking pneumonia" was diagnosed on the x-ray. It
didn't improve with antibiotics. At Dr. Stanley's suggestion, a biopsy
was taken. It was lung cancer. The prognosis wasn't good.

Two weeks later, I was back in Florida for a visit. I asked my dad two
questions. "Dad, is there anything you haven't done that you'd like
to do while you still are feeling OK?" He replied, "just to
have another 15 or 20 years of retirement". My second question. "Dad,
at some point would you write a letter to me that talks about things
that have been important to you in your life?" He thought that was
a strange request. He was never much of a letter writer. He said he would
think about it.

Eight months later, about a month before he died, he sent me the letter
I had asked for. He wrote about the importance of working hard, being
honest, his children getting the education he never had, helping others
in need, and sticking by your family. The memories of my father come
flooding back whenever I read this letter. Although it's only a couple
of handwritten pages long, it's a precious gift whose value can't be
quantified. I now know that what my father wrote to me, the legacy of
his values, was his ethical will.

Many people have written a last will and testament to provide for the
distribution of their material assets. Others have written a living will
to provide instructions for how they want to be treated medically at
the end of their days. Now, an increasing number of people are asking
how they can preserve their most precious legacy...their values, beliefs,
dreams, and hopes for future generations. Creating an ethical will provides
a means for living on in the hearts and minds of family and friends after
we are gone.

Ethical wills are not new. Hebrew scripture first described ethical
wills, which were transmitted verbally. Later they were written as codicils
to legal wills. Ethical wills were originally associated with someone's
final days. Today, with the revival of this tradition, they are being
written to mark family and life cycle events.

The range of people for whom writing an ethical will is appropriate
is wide. For example, soon to be married or expectant couples can use
an ethical will as an opportunity to take pause and reflect on values
important to them as they embark upon these new life challenges. For
elders, an ethical will provides an opportunity to "harvest" life's
experiences, convert these experiences into wisdom, and preserve this
for future generations. For those facing a life-limiting illness, creating
an ethical will provides a sense of meaning, purpose, completion, and
peace of mind.

Here is a partial list of "why to write an ethical will":

When you write an ethical will, you learn a lot about yourself

It is a way to affirm the past and be positive about the future

It allows for putting your personal "signature" on what
universal values mean to you (e.g., love, truth)

It opens the door to forgiving others and being forgiven, which heals
relationships

It helps coming to terms with our mortality

It can be a spiritual experience that provides a sense of completion
in our lives

Every ethical will is as unique as the person writing it is. After reading
a number of them, I was struck by the fact that whether simple or elegant,
all conveyed the sense of coming from the heart. Writing an ethical will
may seem difficult. However, it is simply the writing of a love letter
to your family. It may well be one of the most valuable gifts you can
give.

I hope this information will provide the spark you need to consider
taking on the challenge of writing your ethical will. For those interested
in pursuing this idea, resources can be found at www.ethicalwill.com
the only web site devoted to information on ethical wills.

Other articles by Dr. Baines: Putting Your Values on Paper: How to Write
an Ethical Will