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A man went on a bus. I do not know why, but he had his pockets full of golf balls (well, he's a golfer...). The bus was guite crowded and he sat down next to an old lady. He noticed that the lady glanced at him and his pockets. As the lady would not stop glance at him he said;
"It's golf balls."

The lady stopped looking at him but after a while she said;
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbows?"

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth [1]
And danced the skies on laughter silvered wings; [2]
Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds [3] -- and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of [4] -- Wheeled and soared and swung [5]
High in the sunlit silence. [6] Hov'ring there [7]
I've chased the shouting wing along,
and flung my eager craft through footless halls of air. [8]
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace [9]
Where never lark, or even eagle flew [10]
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space, [11]
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God. [12]

[1] - Each pilot-in-command shall, before slipping the surly bonds of earth, become familiar with all available information concerning that flight. FAR 91.103

[2] - During takeoff and landing, and while enroute, each required flight crewmember shall be at their crewmember station unless the absence is necessary to perform duties in connection with the operation of the aircraft or in connection with physiological needs, not including sky dancing on silvered wings. FAR 91.105(a)

[3] - Except as provided in paragraph (b) of this section and 91.157, no person may operate an aircraft under VFR nor sunward climb, nor join tumbling mirth, at any distance from sun-split clouds when the flight visibility is less than that prescribed for the corresponding altitude and class of airspace. FAR 91.155

[4] - No person may, within the United States act as a pilot-in-command or any other capacity or do a hundred things not dreamed of, in a civil aircraft of United States registry unless he has in his possession a current pilot certificate issued to him under this Part. FAR 61.3(b)

[5] - For the purpose of this section, aerobatic flight means an intentional maneuver involving an abrupt change in an aircraft's attitude, an abnormal attitude, or abnormal acceleration, including but not limited to, wheeling, soaring, and swinging, not necessary for normal flight. FAR 91.303

[6] - Unless otherwise authorized by ATC, no person may operate an aircraft in sunlit silence within Class B airspace unless that aircraft is equipped with an operable two-way radio capable of communications with ATC. FAR 91.131(c)(2)

[7] - The applicant for a private pilot certificate with rotorcraft category rating must have at least the following aeronautical experience: hovering, air taxiing, and maneuvering by ground references. FAR 61.107(b)(2)

[8] - Aircraft operations for the purpose of air navigation. No person may operate an aircraft through footless halls of air in a careless or reckless manner, or fling an eager craft, so as to endanger the life or property of another. FAR 91.13(a)

[9] - To be eligible for a first class medical certificate, an applicant must meet the requirements of paragraphs (b) through (f) of this section: (d) Mental and neurologic: (a) No personality disorder such as delirium, that is severe enough to have repeatedly manifested itself, i.e., topping heights with easy grace or by other overt acts. FAR 67.13

[10] - Pilots are urged to report any bird or other wildlife strike using FAA Form 5200-7, Bird Strike Incident/Ingestion Report. AIM 7-6-2(a)

[11] - The Captain is designated the in-flight security coordinator (ISC) for all flights, domestic and international. The ISC will: review pertinent security information relating to the screening and controlling of all who trod the untrespassed sanctity, with or without silent lifting minds and AOA badges. The ISC will ensure compliance and authorization for access to airport operational areas. FAR 108.10

[12] - God has established a voluntary Aviation Safety Reporting Program designed to stimulate the free and unrestricted flow of information concerning deficiencies and discrepancies in the aviation system. To ensure receipt of this information, the program provides for the waiver of certain disciplinary actions against persons, including pilots, who put out their hand in a timely manner (within 10 days) and report potentially unsafe incidents. Reporting forms are available at God facilities. AIM 7-6-1(a)

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jwewlry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NHL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but it did not help. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

Reply:

Dear Desperate

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. if all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that creates SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or re-install another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.

Could be old but it thought i was funny to some sort.
Women Are Evil By Nature!

Spoiler:

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural
pub. She gestured alluringly
to the bartender who approached her immediately. She
seductively signaled
that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he
did, she gently caressed
his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking
his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,"
she said, running her hands
beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is
there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she
continued, running her
forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly
popping a couple of her
fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them
gently.

I'm going to tell you something that I have seen on the internet that I would be banned for posting here on Animesuki.

1. In case you were ever wondering, yes. There is Bobby's World porn on the internet.

2. There is also Missingno porn on the internet. How people can make an erotic image of a glitch, I will never know.

Now for my own creations:

Spoiler for image (NOT, IT IS NOT PORN):

After extensive research in the Chatterbox on Gaiaonline, I have found one shocking, scary, and horrible fact and it is hurting our interweb.

If you find this as offensive, then it's time for you to grow a spine. Just because I used the word "gay" to deride someting, it doesn't make it racist, biased, and/or prejudice. It is a simple truth of the universe. I have went through an hour of research and quickly came up with this, which is 59 minutes and 59 seconds too many.

I'm going to tell you something that I have seen on the internet that I would be banned for posting here on Animesuki.

1. In case you were ever wondering, yes. There is Bobby's World porn on the internet.

2. There is also Missingno porn on the internet. How people can make an erotic image of a glitch, I will never know.

Now for my own creations:

Spoiler for image (NOT, IT IS NOT PORN):

After extensive research in the Chatterbox on Gaiaonline, I have found one shocking, scary, and horrible fact and it is hurting our interweb.

If you find this as offensive, then it's time for you to grow a spine. Just because I used the word "gay" to deride someting, it doesn't make it racist, biased, and/or prejudice. It is a simple truth of the universe. I have went through an hour of research and quickly came up with this, which is 59 minutes and 59 seconds too many.

That pic is 100% right Gaiaonline has become so gay :'(
I used to enjoy it there but now it's full of spam/semprini