The Art Of Giving

My Head Was In Game Mode

I came into it in the middle, like I always do. Things around me shifted a little, and there I was, fighting in an octagon, in my first MMA fight. Instead of getting my bearings, my head was in game mode. I saw his legs open and dove in for a takedown. He hit me in the head on the way to his knees, but he went down all the same. I put an elbow in his midsection, mounted him, and locked my forearms around his neck, one in front, one in back. I squeezed. He tapped.

There was some dispute that I'd used an illegal choke. For a moment I was worried that I'd done something wrong, but the ref quickly ruled that the choke was legal. I had won.

After my arm had been raised by the ref, I was told that the prize for this fight was $300,000, and that I would be receiving it in installments of $10,000 a month, if I would only sign a form.

Wow, $10,000 a month! What a windfall!

Elated, I went into the bathroom, naked. The shower was waiting for me, and so I turned on the tap and let it wash over me. I threw my head back: a good shower is better than good sex. Ahhh.