Champions: Airistotle

Airistotle (Matt Burns), now an official US Air Guitar Champion, also holds the distinction of having once been the youngest performer in US Air Guitar history. At the ripe age of 17 in early 2008, his mother drove him from their latchkey apartment in New York City down to Philadelphia, because it was the only all ages show on our tour. Everyone present that night knew they were witnessing the future of competitive air guitar blossom before their eyes, like a caterpillar becoming a new caterpillar with different colored eyes. Barely a flyweight, the teen was so thin and pale he was nearly translucent. But even at 17 he was already six feet tall, with every inch screaming “nerd.” Obviously, the kid was a natural, and born for this sport.

Quipped Björn Türoque (Dan Crane), who this year was New York City’s Regional “Master of Airemonies” on Airistotles’s Schifferean proportions, “If I had to fuck a man …”

–It’d have to be an official Champion?

Airistotle, we’ve sung your praises on this very blog ever since we met way back when. But today, we celebrate you like never before as you join the highest ranks of the air guitar elite.