Monday, April 25, 2005

No Shirt, Sherlock

This inspiring message -- sort of an edgy retro henotheism thing going on here -- is emblazoned upon T-shirts sold at the Extreme Christian Clothing store in Lawrence, Kansas.

Says owner Lori Devins of her retail venture, in a recent Associated Press article, "I couldn't feel any other way than doing this is doing the work of the Lord. He filled us with this purpose to do this."

Frankly -- and this is just me saying this, and I could be wrong -- I can't quite picture The CEO wearing this T-shirt. But since we have it on pretty good authority that he ate and drank with sinners, I can imagine him borrowing one of my own favorite souvenir T-shirts, "I Partied at the Bucksnort Saloon." (A place that, come to think of it, could use a friendly visit from The CEO.) Up here in lake country one of the more popular T-shirts is a takeoff on the No Fear logo: "Fear No Fish." That would be amusing paired with an Icthys symbol instead of a bass. But probably not "extreme" enough.

Oh -- here's a shockingly extreme T-shirt message: "Love One Another As I Have Loved You." Maybe with the red hearts, like the "I [Heart] New York" tees. Wonder how long they would languish on the rack? Because, at least in this store, "extreme" seems to equal "mean," which seems to be the prevailing mood in some quarters of Christianity these days.

My personal favorite (actually, the one that ticks me off the most) was on I saw at a youth conference. On the front it said "Virgin." Proclaiming my purity to the world isn't my cup of tea, but isn't horrible either. But on the back, it said, "Property of my future husband." And they didn't have a version for the boys. Some of the youth directors there were actually encouraging their girls to buy them.

Sheryl: EEEEEUWWWWWW. That's just so...S & M. (My personal theory is that a lot of conservative Christian male-domination/female-subordination is just disguised kink...these are people who, deep down, want to get into the leather-and-handcuffs thing: "You've been a very, very bad, non-submissive wife, so now I will have to chain you to the bed and teach you obedience!" "Yes! I've been very naughty! Punish me now, Master!")