A phone virus infected cell phones throughout the country today, with devastating effect. The virus left many phones inoperable, and others with impaired functionality.

So far, hundreds have been found dead and many more are missing. One distraught husband reported, “She said she couldn’t live without her cell phone. I guess she was right.”

A wife whose husband was reported missing was quoted as saying, “He couldn’t find his way anywhere without his navigation app. The last I heard from him was a text saying he had just got on the Interstate. I’m betting he’s still on it, and the app hasn’t told him he’s reached his destination yet.” Police are keeping an eye out for motorists who have run out of gas or otherwise appear lost.