May 07, 2005

Dear Visitors/Partiers To My City

It's good to know that you were able to get out and let your hair down while participating in the fabulous night life that my city has to offer. I don't blame you one bit for wanting to come here as this city is world renowned for its clubs and fun. In fact, the atmosphere is so alive here that I understand the desire to keep it going even when the party is over and it's time to go home.

You may be wondering how I knew you were out there enjoying yourselves tonight. You see, I live in a building at the intersection of two rather busy, main streets in this city and even though I live in the back of the building, upstairs, with air conditioner and two fans going, windows closed, I could still hear you as you drove up my street and were stopped at the light.

In case you were wondering what those buildings all around you were, those are called apartment buildings. Apartment buildings house several families and people; meaning, this is where they live, sleep and eat. These apartments are their little sanctuaries away from the rest of the world. We pay good money to live where we do and as with anyone who lives in any sort of dwelling, we have earned the right to have some peace and quiet after night fall.

To help you along in learning this obvious new concept, the point of bars and clubs is so that you have a place to go to listen to loud music, shriek at the top of your lungs like a drunken fool and basically make an ass out of yourself. Had a hard week and need to scream? The bar or club is the place to do it. Need to unwind with a little dancing? That's what clubs are for.

Your car is not a disco and you are not Dr. Dre, Snoop Dog nor the next Tupac. Your pathetic and laughable attempts to appear cool in order to impress eveyrone around you are not working. You are no different than the 30 other assholes who drove down this street before you. (I'm gonna take a wager and guess you wear a baseball cap on your head and if that wasn't bad enough, you wear it backwards. Am I right?) Further, I am now educating you on the fact that when you are sitting at a stop light, blaring your music so loudly that you are not only rattling windows, disturbing the peace, setting off car alarms and causing noise pollution, you are breaking the law.

Because I'm sick and tired of you idiotic, inconsiderate, selfish pricks, I will begin sitting outside with notepad and pen and start writing down your license plate numbers as you sit at the stop light pissing all of us residents off. I will then turn these numbers over to the police so that they can pay you a visit or inform you that you have a complaint against you for being so obnoxiously loud. Keep driving down my street and you will continue to get complaints. Eventually you will pay for your actions and lack of consideration for other people on the planet.

In other words:

TURN DOWN YOUR FUCKING BASS!

Posted by S. Faolan Wolf at May 7, 2005 12:40 AM

Comments

My biggest pet peeve. I need to hurt people like that. If you point and laugh at them they get embarrassed and hide. It's fun!!