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A top 10 list curated with the assistance of Dr. Pepper and Mr. Maker’s.

Intro

I was originally going to do my Flying Witch reviews today (which I started writing four weeks ago), but then I realized I didn’t want to. So I got to thinking: what is it Dark_Sage really wants to talk about? And the answer is flatter-than-2D depictions of (as tumblr protests) clearly unreasonable standards and unattainable ideals. That are fapworthy. From the first three episodes of each show this season. …And only ten of them.

Specific? Sure. But if I know you, this is the kinda shit you’ve been waiting… holy shit, over a fucking month for? Yeesh. All right, well let’s not make you wait any longer.

Fucking nothing, that’s what. Bring on the list.

Number 10

Spoiler:

??? – Bishoujo Yuugi Unit Crane Game Girls

I don’t know her name cuz my pride wouldn’t let me watch this low-budget show past the first frame. But I still fapped to her because you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Or something.

Number 9

Spoiler:

Alicia – Endride

She’s the only girl in the oscar mayerfest that is Endride. And as my racist grandpa always said, “If you wanna get your dick wet in a desert, even a cactus will do.”

RIP old man, even though you’re probably burning in the tenth layer of hell.

Number 8

Spoiler:

The Wino – Ragnastrike Angels

The show has a runtime of 30 seconds, so for me to pick out the alcoholic as prime waifu material… you know what, let’s not draw any conclusions from my choices here. Onto the next one.

Number 7

Spoiler:

Bulimia-chan – Mayoiga

This chick does nothing but vomit on people, which gets me going for all the wrong reasons. If this show turned into the battle royale it deserved (instead of the PG-rated sleeping aid it ended up), she’d probably even be top 3.

Number 6

Spoiler:

Cat-sensei – Netoge

Bad puns turn meow-n.

Yandere-chan p. good, but not good enough. ;_;

Number 5

Spoiler:

Naomi – Bungou Stray Dogs

Sure, she fucks her own blood. But goddamn is she cute, let’s be honest.

This is the one instance where I’d accept sloppy seconds, cuz statistically half that DNA is hers anyway, right?

Number 4

Spoiler:

Miko-san’s Face – Kuma Miko

Miko-san ain’t a great character, I’ll give you that. Her face, though? Now it’s time for you to give me something. (A tissue, plz.)

Number 3

Spoiler:

The Entire Cast of Sansha Sanyou

Never has there been such a memorable cast of QTs. Congrats, Japan. This time you truly got there.

Number 2

Spoiler:

Miyano Echizen – Tanaka-kun wa Itsumo Kedaruge

The only yankee this southern boy* would accept.

*I mean, I’m a midwesterner, and the midwest is basically the south of the north, so… You know what, look, it was a good play-on-words. Just let me have this.

Number 1

Spoiler:

Dark_Sage cosplaying Naruto Uzumaki (from an anime called Naruto)

(It’s 2 AM, give me a fucking break, I thought it was a good idea at the time.)

That’s right motherfuckers, best girl of Spring 2016 is me-sama. You thought this was a personal top-10 list when it reality it was a guide for you. To me. Lewis & Clark’d, baby~

#Spring2016Best2016

In case you’re wondering, yes, I did watch several shows to reach these expert conclusions.

Even some good ones.

Here’s a list:

Spoiler:

Note:Purple = Top 5

Normal Shows:

Title

Ep 01

Ep 02

Ep 03

12-sai

6

Dropped

N/A

Ace Attorney

Dropped

N/A

N/A

Anne Happy (No. 2)

9

9

9

Bakuon

Dropped

N/A

N/A

Big Order

7

7

8

Boku no Hero Academia

6

6

6

Bungou Stray Dogs

9

8

8

Endride

6

5

5

Flying Witch

8

8

8

Haifuri

Dropped

N/A

N/A

Hundred

Dropped

N/A

N/A

Joker Game

8

7

8

Kiznaiver

7

6

6

Koutetsujou no Kabaneri

10

9

9

Kuma Miko – Girl Meets Bear (No. 1)

10

10

10

Kuromukuro

8

Dropped

N/A

Macross Delta

7

7

Dropped

Mayoiga

7

7

7

Netoge no Yome wa Onnanoko ja Nai to Omotta

8

8

8

Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu (No. 3)

10

9

9

Sakamoto Desu Ga

7

Dropped

N/A

Sansha Sanyou

8

8

8

Shounen Maid

Dropped

N/A

N/A

Seisen Cerberus

7

7

5

Sousei no Onmyouji

8

8

8

Super Lovers

Dropped

N/A

N/A

Tanaka-kun wa Itsumo Kedaruge (No. 4)

9

9

9

Shorts:

Title

Ep 01

Ep 02

Ep 03

Space Patrol Luluco

8

8

9

Pan de Peace

5

3

3

Wagamama High Spec

4

4

4

Onigiri

7

7

6

Bishoujo Yuugi Unit Crane Game Girls

Dropped

N/A

N/A

Ragnastrike Angels

9

9

9

Usakame (No. 5)

9

9

9

Turns out my German blood allows me to keep track of more than just how many Jews died in the Holocaust. Thanks, Granddad.

Nope, that’s the Sanshas. Quite frankly, the casts of Anne Happy and Sansha Sanyou are so unique and inspired for happy-go-lucky slice-of-wife high school moe animes that it surprises me anyone could confuse them.

The purple haired girls in Anne Happy and Sansha Sanyou look about the same, but that top knot in your number three is distinctly Anne, and the middle girl who is so bandaged up is the girl who gets hurt all the time in Anne Happy.

Not that I would have noticed it if Lucas and Kamil hadn’t pointed it out.