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In 2013 when I was planning my trip to come to the US I had a vague idea of how my life would be once I arrived here. Now, after 5 years, I think I can say for sure that it is very, very different than anything I could’ve imagined in Brazil.

On this post and on my Youtube Video, I’ll share with you some of the sour and sweet things about living in the United States.

And the first Sour one is the ….

Loneliness – Choosing to live abroad comes with the fact that you are living away from everything that was once familiar to you, including your supporting system. Sometimes, we just want to be close to the people that we love, and have a shoulder to cry on when sh*t happens. However, this is not usually included in the “immigrant’s package”.

Belonging – I also feel that I don’t belong here, of course, that after five years, a lot of meetings, courses, conversations and errands, I feel very adapted and I call this place my home. However, I don’t recognize myself in the culture, even though I learned how to live in it. Another funny thing that happened after these years living away from my homeland is that when I go back, I have a feeling that I don’t belong there anymore. I don’t know anything about the “novelas”, the new songs, and the daily life subjects that everyone is talking about. The culture is changing all the time, and my Brazilian “software” was updated last time in 2013, so I’m still Brazilian, it’s just that I am an older version of it (lol).

Coming to the Sweet things…. Yummm

Learning/Growth – I’ve grown so much as a person after I became an immigrant. I learned new languages, I traveled, discovered different ways of living and became a more flexible and easy going person. I met the love of my life while I was living here in the US, and besides that, so many possibilities opened up in my life that would probably never open if I was living in Brazil, and I’m very grateful for that.

Acceptance – I also learned how to accept differences between cultures, people and how not to see differences as a negative thing. In the same way, I learned how to be comfortable in my own skin and be proud of my origins and who I am in this culture. I’m an immigrant, a proud one, who learned how to navigate the challenges of living in a different land with humor and ease.

After reflecting about the positive and negative sides of my experience as an immigrant I realized that everything has it positive and negative sides and that we have the power of choice to determine which side we are going to feed and nurture inside ourselves. I’m not saying that we have to be naive and close our eyes to the negative aspects of our lives. In order to grow as a person we have to acknowledge and face our challenges, but it is ultimately our choice to feed the negative thoughts and actions, instead of moving forward with our dreams, aspirations, positive habits….

So please, do a self-reflection, acknowledge all aspects of your life, and make a conscious choice to take daily small actions towards the life you want to have.

This month I gave an interview to the “English Made Simple Podcast” and it was a great experience!

I shared so many interesting things about my story moving and living in the US and I think you can learn and get valuable tips from this episode!

I also want to bring to your attention why podcast can be a great platform to help you learn English. So you can start feeling more confident to talk in public or to get that job that you are dreaming of, for example.

Many of us struggle to learn English because we don’t have time or resources to go to classes or we find the traditional methods boring to death.

Podcast is a great solution for you!

You can listen anytime, anywhere – I love to listen while I’m in the car!

Besides all that, listening things in English is one of the best ways to start reaching fluency.

When looking for podcasts, you will discover that most of the good ones mix great content information with entertaining, fun and interesting facts. Is’nt that amazing?

When I was searching for great podcasts, I found “English Made Simple” and it was such a great discovery! After listening to some of the episodes I contacted Milena, the podcast host, and we soon met over skype! I found out that she is also an immigrant, but originally from Serbia, who was raised in New Zealand, lived in Chile and now is in Australia!

She is the master immigrant!

When we connected, we had so much to talk that we lost track of time, so you can already tell how awesome she is!

Milena created two years ago the podcast “English Made Simple” with the goal to keep in touch with her English students back in Chile, and because she adds so much value in each episode to the expat, immigrant, and English learners community, the podcast is being listened in many different countries including the US.

After we met each other we decided to create an episode together, where I shared with her audience, my experience learning English and many other related topics.

So, if you want to know more about how I learned English and all the tips about creating an empowered life abroad, GO TO HER PODCAST and listen to this episode!

Be prepared, because I know you will listen much more than just one! It’s addicting =).

“When you are afraid of something, it might be a fear of darkness, a fear of knives, a fear of guns, or of anything. You can’t just have fear without fear of something. So what is that other? Who is the other? That’s yourself.

There is a story about a man who is locked in a room. He’s sitting in that room, a big room with lots of space and lots of possibilities of noise bouncing back. Things are getting cold and dark and darker. He hears something. So he says ‘Who dat?” When there is no response, he says, “Who dat who said, ‘Who dat?’?” And then he says, “Who dat who said, ‘Who dat?’ when I said ‘Who dat?’?” The antidote to that echo chamber is to make friends with yourself.

– Chögyam Trungpa

I just moved again, I am right here in Hawaii, and I saw myself falling into the trap of lamentation, nostalgia. – Oh, I don’t know anyone yet, – I miss this, -I miss that…. Instead of being grateful for living in this magical land.

I stopped a second to think about why I was being so negative, and complaining about everything.

I was afraid. I am afraid.

Afraid that we regret our decision to move, afraid that I won’t have friends, or build a community, afraid to not fit in. This fear is inevitable, but when I looked at it, I laughed, because I just arrived, and in order to be part of this community… I need to live, experience, try.

That’s the only way. I have to put myself out there and feel connected with my own truth.

Before we connect with others, we have to be connected with ourselves.

Do you feel the power of this statement?

In order to make friends with ourselves, we have to face our fears, this way we will realize that they are not real, so then we can take them by the hand and live our lives.

The only way that we can prove our fears are not real, is to do what we fear and see what happens. Last week, for example, I went to a meetup, I was so scared to go because I was feeling embarrassed to enter into a community that already exists, I was afraid they wouldn’t like me.

Turned out that they were really nice and didn’t reject me at all. But in order to discover that I had to go there, and see it myself. Once we do that, we are stretching our limits, we are growing and actively knowing ourselves on the process.

You, beautiful woman, are having this opportunity to live in a different place, use this moment not just to explore another culture, but also and most importantly, yourself.

Rediscover yourself, find out who you can be, who you want to be.

You are not alone, I am not alone, we are together, and the same powerful force that runs inside me runs inside you.

Write YES on the comments, if you are ready to start being friends with yourself.

Developing a relationship of love and kindness with yourself is the first step to create a strong loving and kind community surrounding you.

It doesn’t matter if you are living abroad, or are back in your home country, the rule is the same!

We just get stuck in building a community as an immigrant because we have to make an effort to build/be part of one. In our home countries, you feel it came naturally, right? But it didn’t! You spent your whole life nurturing those relationships, even if they were positive or not, and I bet you didn’t even stop to think if those were the relationships you wanted to nurture.

Now, look at this new beginning as an opportunity to see yourself and define who you want to be.

Invest time and effort in yourself, discovering what you love and who you truly are.

Because if you don’t, guess what happens?

You will try to make friends with people who do not resonate with you, who do not share the same values. It will be a frustrating experience and you will feel lonely and incapable of connecting.

Diversity is beautiful and it’s totally great to make friends with all kinds of people, but it’s important to share our energy and invest in people who lift us up, and with whom we know we can count on.

If you are being used, mistreated, ignored, this is something else, not a friendship.

Now it’s time to have that true conversation with yourself to understand what are your desires and who you want to be.

If it’s too hard to look into yourself right now, please seek help! A friend, a mother, a coach…

You don’t need to do it alone if it’s overwhelming you.

But you need to do it!

Here is a simple exercise, so you can start to understand what are the important things to you. After you get that, you will have more clarity on what kind of relationships/friendships you are looking for.

Activity: Gratitude Journal

During this week, before going to bed write 5 things that happened in your day that you are grateful for.

This will give you an idea, about the things you value in life.

Then, start putting energy on it, look for people who share the same energy with you.

When you less expect, you will be surrounded by things and people that are aligned with who you are.

Write down in the comments when you are starting your Gratitude Journal.

As I’m an avid fighter for women’s rights and can’t stand anymore the ways we are treated in this sexist society, I had to write about it!

My goal here is to bring awareness to this situation and also to provide helpful information so you can seek help if you ever need to!

Domestic violence is defined by the Department of Justice of United States as

“a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person”.

So, did you understand that violence is not just your partner hitting, throwing things on you, or leaving bruises on your body?

Violence can be expressed in many ways.

Here are some examples…

If your partner insists on having sex with you, even when you refused. That’s violence.

If your partner says repeatedly that you are no one, that you don’t have an opinion, that you must be quiet, that you can’t go out with the clothes you chose to wear. That’s violence.

If your partner controls your economic life, to the point that you have to ask him for everything and he feels the right to allow you or not to use yours or the family’s money to support your basic needs. That’s violence.

If your partner never supports you, always makes you feel bad about yourself, and makes sure to highlight how awful you are. That’s violence.

When you feel you have no voice, that you are always mistreated, controlled and feel afraid of your partner. That’s violence.

Please, seek help!

Did you know that immigrant women are 2 times more vulnerable to domestic violence than the general women’s population?

Cultural differences play a big role here, as in many cases the original cultural environment of these women accept domestic violence. In addition, many immigrant women think that they are not as legally protected as U.S citizens, which is not true.

Often partners use the immigration status of the victim as a tool of control because it’s much more common immigrant women be more dependent on their partners.

Exist many barriers on a life of immigrant women such as limited resources and language, which can prevent access to the support systems available.

Listen to me, if you are suffering domestic violence, or you know someone who is, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

There are many agencies who can help you find out how to get out of this situation, even if you are an immigrant.

It doesn’t matter if you are legal or not, you deserve help and there are places who can provide it for you!

Here is a list of hotlines and websites where you can find information and support:

Domestic Violence Child Advocacy Center
For Latinas and Immigrant Women who are suffering domestic violence.It’s a center that has the goal to promote lives free of violence and abuse, they have helped thousands of women and child over 40 years.
216-229-2420/ vrivera@dvcac.org

Tahirih Justice Center
This center protects immigrants and girls who are seeking justice in the US from gender-based violence

There is also a group created by me on Facebook with the goal to Empower Immigrant Women (we do not just address domestic violence there, but we also talk about career, family, health, and it will be a pleasure to have you there)

If you are not in a domestic violence environment but needs emotional support, I provide Coaching programs where you can find yourself and start to feel empowered again. Schedule a Free Call with me – (click on Book Now)

Seek for help and support, and remember again YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Share this post with other immigrant women you know, let’s bring awareness about this situation!

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing that we will ever do” – Brene Brown (The Gifts of Imperfection)
Today I decided to be vulnerable and to talk about my process of accepting who I am. I hope this post inspires you to embrace and love yourself just as you are.
When I first decided to come to the US, it felt like a perfect escape from my life. From my family and most of all from the secrecy that ruled my existence in so many ways and that I did not know how to face it: my biological father.

I’ve met my biological father for the first time when I was 22. Until then I lived my life not knowing very much about the reasons why my mom was a single mother, why my father never looked for me, why I lived with my grandma until I was 5 and why I felt so emotionally distant from my family.
When I was 15, my mother asked me if I wanted to know my biological father. I got scared and I did not want to hurt the feelings of my step father who loved and cared about me for all those years. “I already have a father!” I said with tears on my face, feeling that I was trapped on the limb of a story that I knew very little about, yet it was a deep and important part of myself.
Growing up, I had all these negative self-talks about feeling less loved, neglected and alone. I felt also that because my mother decided not to do an abortion, the least I could do was to prove to her that I was worth it. These feelings were killing me inside, and for a long time, I did not know who I was or what I wanted. I’ve always been a strong woman, but at that point, I was being strong for very unfortunate reasons.
When I started studying psychology, I began to think more about my life, my conflicts, and the way that I approached my relationships. At that time I decided to go to therapy, and there I finally had a space to talk about those things.
Therefore, I started to realize that the way I dealt with my relationships, in general, had an interesting pattern. I always want to prove that I was worth it, because I was scared to be abandoned, I also wanted to prove that I could handle things myself, my underlying mantra used to be “if you leave me I’ll be just fine”. Have you ever stopped to think about the patterns you are following in your life?

Asking for help, was one of the most difficult things that I had to learn in my life, and I still have a long journey to go.
While I was in therapy I found the courage to face the truth about my story. I looked for my father and I found him. I had then to do the scariest thing of all, – “to tell my mom that I found him”, and ask her the questions that I was holding with me for years.
I always thought my mom didn’t care so much about me, but after hearing what she had to say, I realized how much she fought for me, and how our decisions can profoundly change the course of our lives, of other people’s lives, and even those yet to come. There is nothing really to be done in that matter, because of it just how life is.
I came to the USA, few months after meeting my biological father and facing my truth. Arriving here had a different taste than I expected because I didn’t want to escape from my life anymore.
I realized that I was never alone and that all the things that I judged as my weaknesses were actually my strengths.
I was finally owning my story and embracing my truth, and it made me see the love my parents have for me, made me see them as humans, and all of a sudden, just when I went away and could look from distance, I could see how blessed I was to be who I am.

From that moment on, I did not want things to be different about my past anymore and started thanking life for giving me the opportunity to create on top of so many possibilities.
What was your real reason for deciding to live abroad? I’d love to see you embracing your vulnerability and sharing your powerful story.

I was really inspired by the power of thousands of women who gathered this January on the streets of Seattle, Chicago and many other cities in the USA, and in the world.
More than a protest against Mr. Trump and his preconceptions about women, it was a march to show how powerful women are.
Inspired by this beautiful movement, I decided to share with you why I am a feminist…

I am a feminist because I play volleyball on a team where I am the only woman, and I am not afraid to say that I am one of the best players.
I am a feminist because I was the only woman in a party to jump into the pool, where there were many men and kids having fun. Women’s couldn’t mess up their make up, right?
I am a feminist because I’m not afraid to be competitive and to show that I am smart.
I am a feminist because I think that opportunities should be equitable and that I am not less because I do not have a penis. I love my vagina by the way, and I had to overcome fear and shame to talk about my sexuality.
I am a feminist because I traveled alone, because I skydived even though it is not a “woman thing”, I’m learning how to ski and I love an adventure.
I am a feminist because I think it’s fair that women can vote, can wear pants, work, study, play with cars, and can be whoever they feel called to be.
Just for the record, I don’t think that women are better than men, I love men, I love my husband, my dad, my friends, I think they are awesome and they deserve the best. So do I, and others billions of women who also deserve to have equal opportunity, be educated with the same quality and have the same rights.

I’d love to agree with those who say that we are already in an equal society. I think we are moving forward, but we are not even close to it, yet.
As an example of that, “The World Economic Forum” who measures gender equity through a series of economic, educational, and political benchmarks, has ranked the United States as 19th country in terms of achieving gender equity. Now, if the United States is the 19th, imagine how it is in countries like Brazil, Afghanistan, India, Thailand…
Another research looked at the cultural stereotypes of intelligence in men and women, showing the gender inequality in self-presentation. This study showed that females thought if they revealed their intelligence to a potential partner, then it would diminish their chances with him.
If this is not enough, we can take a look back in history, and there is no need to go further than 100 years back, to be shocked with the way that most societies were seeing and treating women. We were a disgrace, an object, a trade between families, uneducated, subjugated, marginalized.
In China, for example, foot-binding was a common practice, it consisted of binding and breaking their toes since an early age, because culturally a women’s feet was a parameter to measure how valuable she was for a marriage. Until recently this was a common and painful practice, that makes brutally clear, the power of social forces subjugating women.

Also, UNICEF estimated that in 2016, 200 million girls and women in 27 countries in Africa were undergone genital mutilation as an attempt to control women’s sexuality.
In some countries of the Middle East is disrespectful women show their skin, because men could be attracted to them.
If you agree with me that those things I just described cannot happen anymore, be one more voice in the fight, because the world will accept that we can have the same opportunities when they start to see us as equals, and WE need to stand up for that until is undeniable.
Stand up on a daily basis, not taking for granted our positions of women in this country, which calls itself as free. We should, and we must be in places where we are still the only or few of us. Others will follow.
We have to stand up like Gibbs did when she in the late 60s ran a marathon, pretending she was a man. Even when her application was denied with a letter saying that “Women aren’t allowed, and furthermore are not physiologically able.”
Like the Suffragette who fought for us to be able to vote.
Like the great Mexican painter Frida Kahlo, wearing “men’s clothes”, expressing her pain, speaking out loud about her feelings and challenging the gender rules.
And I finish this post with a quote from Malala, a young lady from Pakistan who fights for women’s education and women’s rights:
“I raise up my voice—not so I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard…we cannot succeed when half of us are held back.”

Why are you a feminist?
I’d love to hear you in the comments below. Let’s fight for an equitable society together.

On this post I’ll introduce you to the most important moments of my life. A long path, which brought me to right here right now.

Today I’m fighting to chose the things that I want in life, and accept the mission to inspire and empower immigrant women is one more step up on this path.

Are you ready? Let’s go…

I am 5, all that I want is to have a father. I’m excited to meet my mom’s husband, he is going to be my father!

I’m 6, now I have to share a father that I just had for a year! I hate my little brother!

I’m 9, my sister came as a beautiful surprise! I had a real doll to play with!

I’m 11, volleyball is everything that I care about. I’ll be a professional player for sure!

I’m 15, hormones are yelling and the will to become more independent as well. I don’t know what I want, but I really want something!

I’m 16, I give up volleyball and started an internship.

I’m 17, I love the place I work for. I want to stay there. Oh, they keep your internship if you study psychology! All right! Psychology here I go!

Ohh, University is full time, who told you to pass on the best one?! I left my internship, a very sweet and sour moment.

I got lucky on my first important choice…..

I’m 20, behavioral analysis is awesome! Go Skinner!

Everyone in my college travels, knows english… I want to travel too!

My friend tells me about this cultural exchange, I just needed to like kids, and know English ….

Now I had a dream! I wanted to travel, I needed to know how it is to live out there.

I’m 22, I’m graduating, everyone is taking fellowships tests on the best hospital of my country….. I want to travel…. But if I pass on the tests….

Last day, one hour before the closing time, I applied.

I took the tests, I passed!

That’s so awesome!

Uff, but I’m not traveling then…

Okay, next year I go for sure!

Next, year the hospital opens new positions, my friends are applying, I decided to apply too. Just for fun, who knows!

I passed, the same week a host family in Seattle,WA contacts me, “-Do you want to be our au pair?”

Oh my God! What should I do?

My familie and friends said: “- Stay, this is an incredible opportunity, you just graduated, you will never get a job like that again”. – “Are you going to the US to be a nanny? Ah…”- “They have terrorists” – “Stay!”

My heart hurts, my gut tells me the job is not the answer!

And my friend shows me this poem, and after that I found out my decision. “I’m not going that way”

I think you guys know what I chose, and that’s how I in March 2013 became an immigrant.

That was one of my first autonomous decisions…. I was an adult then, I was ready to fly!

The rest is part of the next chapter of my life’s book!

Do you wanna know more about me? Leave your questions on the comment, I’ll be happy to answer them =).

Share with your friends, is always good to be reminded to follow your heart. Always.