Thursday, July 3, 2008

Yesterday was the first time in 3 years that I wasn't with Tammy. I woke up, looked at Jeff, and started to cry. When he asked me what was wrong, I wailed, I miss Tammy! It felt wrong to not be with her and share our grief. It was a weird day, and even though I talked to Tammy multiple times, I felt like a part of me was missing.

This is going to be my last post until after vacation. Yes, that's right, tomorrow morning we leave for up north. I plan on spending the week either on the boat, or in a lawn chair. We will have lots of company over the weekend, but the majority of the week, it will just be Jeff, Alyssa & me! We are really looking forward to some quality family bonding time. This will be the first time since we became a family that we are vacationing alone! I am really looking forward to it. We are going to play games, do crafts, and I think that we may have to have a mini-golf tournament. I have been told that Alyssa is getting pretty good, she can almost beat Jeff! Mini-golf is one of the things that Jeff & Alyssa do when they have "Daddy & Me" time. I so need a vacation! I am crabby, ornery, and burnt out! I can't wait to spend time with my family!

On a personal note: I started this blog as a way to relieve stress. A place where I could vent out my frustrations and not be judged. What I found instead was contentment! By blogging about our trials and tribulations, I have come to realize that we are truly blessed! Yes, my daughter has issues and will continue to have issues for a long time to come. But, she really does work hard at her life. She really does want to love and be loved! I have come to realize that if I keep my eye on the big picture, the overall progress that our family has made, I have HOPE! Hope that Alyssa will be strong enough to open her heart and love. Hope that Jeff and I will be able to give Alyssa the security and comfort that she so desperately wants but is afraid to accept. Hope that our future will continue to look bright. Hope that as we help Alyssa to heal, our own hurts will heal.

I have everything that I have ever wanted out of life. I am a wife to a wonderful man. I am a Mom to a wonderful daughter. I have wonderful friends. I have a wonderful life!