Thursday, September 27, 2012

I used to be one of
those who thought that a progressive society would immediately and
naturally run to the assistance of the most vulnerable among us to
secure them and do that which pure common sense dictates, to protect
them. Boy was I wrong! We live in politically complicated times were
'lobby groups' can actually insist on their rights to oppress and
brutalize those within their domain and these lobby 'rights' are upheld.

I have come to realize
that if the vulnerable don’t stand up for themselves and recognize
and articulate their situation, the powerful strong lobby desiring the
status quo...well it will crush them underfoot!

As a BWE proponent, in
theory I accept that we as black women are on our own but it
sometimes takes real life examples to remind me again and again how
bad it is.

I was watching a program called Newsnight on the
BBC a couple of months ago on the subject of Female Genital
Mutilation (FGM). Now most of you have come across the term and know
a bit about it. FGM is another name for clitorectomy (the cutting off
of the clitoris of females). The medical community describes FGM in
types; 1-3 with 3 being the most severe form of it. FGM is correlated
with but not limited to Islamic cultures though there is a lot of
debate on whether it is an allowable practice by the various Islamic
schools of thought.

In this Newsnight program about five-seven
young Somali girls from ‘Integrate Bristol’ (you can google their
website) where in one corner arguing for the government to exert
pressure to safeguard tens of thousands of minority girls who
continue to be in real danger of undergoing FGM despite the practice
having been criminalized for years now.

A little background
here:

In the UK the procedure had been criminalized for ten
odd years and has resulted in not one single prosecution! An
investigation by The Times Newspaper earlier this year revealed that
an estimated hundred thousand British girls had undergone the
procedure. In France the procedure has also been criminalized but for
a shorter time, and there have been dozens of convictions because of
the 'no nonsense approach' adopted by the French government, while
the UK pays lip service to its duty to protect minority women,
preferring to sacrifices them on the altar of ‘cultural’
sensitivity. Apparently families from other European countries are
now travelling to the UK to have their daughters ‘FGMed’! Indeed
the UK is seen as such a laughable soft touch and they can get away
with holding FGM parties here were up to ten girls are done at once!
Shocking stuff!

The discussion was so very revealing. On one
side was the government minister arguing in favour of ‘more
cultural sensitivity’ in approach to the issue (the same approach
that had led to zero convictions and parents continually brutalizing
their daughters unimpeded). She was joined by a ‘Community leader’
Somali male, throwing as many ‘politically correct’ barriers as
he could muster (you know invoking the right political language, 'No stereotyping', 'racial targetting', 'racism'
etc etc), to ensure that the status quo situation (which was resulting in
continued brutalization of women in his community), remained intact.
He kept insisting that no community under any circumstances, should
be ‘targeted’ and singled out for scrutiny-even though such
scrutiny could save the wellbeing of young women from his community
who were having their lives blighted and suffering infertility,
infection and even death from the procedure.

The young Somali girls
were essentially on their own on the other side, trying to counter
what essentially was an attempt to resist the change that would
rescue fellow sisters and friends, even the Parliamentary
Under-Secretary for Equalities, (herself a Jewish woman) Lynne
Featherstone was busy insisting how intrusive it would be to carry
out medical examinations on young girls to deter and also ascertain
that young women had not undergone FGM. Imagine that!

The
young Somali girls clearly had broken rank with their communities and
the politically correct culture that is currently imprisoning the UK
around minority issues. I can only imagine how much pressure they
must be under from their communities. I can imagine the names they
will be called; sell-out, native informant, Oreo. But they sat there
insisting on the minority woman’s right for protection no matter
how many political correct taboos that would need to be
transgressed.

I couldn’t believe that this was 21st century
Britain, and that cultural sensitivity (whatever that means), was
taking precedents over the real and actual lives of black and brown
women. Where were all the raging voices of feminism damning the
establishments for daring to submit the very wellbeing of women to
statutes of cultural sensitivity? How come there wasn’t a strong
contingent of feminist voices to be heard reminding the ‘community
leaders’ and their enablers that women's rights and wellbeing
trumps all and we have no intention of reversing hard won women’s
rights for some BS sensitivity to accusations of racism?

At the end even the host of Newsnight
himself was exasperated with the Under-Secretary for putting
community ‘sensitivity’ before the very lives of the black
women affected.

Black women need to know that...

The wider
society sees black women as the property of 'their' men and 'their'
community and think these two entities have rights over black women
that need to be respected. This is something they would not even
begin to think of if white women were under consideration

If black women do not
come out strongly and vigorously against any form of in-house
oppression they are experiencing, this is seen as them agreeing with
their treatment and a cue for society to let it be. With regards to
black women, society does not even consider that black women may be
unable to speak out or advocate for self or might even be suffering
Stockholm syndrome. The notion that minority women are so totally
oppressed and coerced that they cannot even speak out and might
require intervention to break the stronghold, is one which isn’t
allowed for with black women.

Individual black women
are required to extricate themselves from even the most harrowing of
brutality and the inability to do this is seen as an endorsement of
their treatment.

Many black women are
forced back into oppressive situations and social milieus by the
wider society and by those who invalidate her right to be free from and
act independent of community. Remember that breaking rank and acting
free of community is deemed as an inauthentic choice for the black
woman who is supposed to be community-tied always.

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Friday, September 14, 2012

As we near the end of summer, I will say that it was this
year's summer, that showed that a tide may be turning in terms of
black women taking up the option of finding love with all kinds of
races of men. I went to a number of music festivals and to the
Olympic Park and there were black women of all shapes and sizes and
all ages with white men, biracial children, Asian men etc. As most of
you know, the number of black women in Britain dating white men is
relatively high when compared to their counterparts in the US, yet
you never quite see it. You hear about it, and maybe see one or two
examples as opposed to the dozens and dozens of black men with white
women you see every day. Well something seems to have changed and
these black women are behaving as normal as possible and this is what
gives me hope.

There was a very curious case I came across at a
music festival; a 'Rastafarian' white man (with his long dred locs
and all), and his black wife also 'loced' down (lol!). They were a middle
age couple so this was clearly no Fad. I saw them strolling along
just like every other couple out there, and that’s the main point
here, they like many of the other women were going about life
normally, engaging in lives little activities, communicating in low
tones, slight gestures just like between two normal everyday people.
You know when black women are with white or non black men and they
are speaking very loudly and also looking furtively around...it just
tells me they are uncomfortable and they want to suggest to others
that this is not an intimate situation in fact the loud talking is
inviting everyone to see that there is nothing intimate going on.

I also saw young black
girls with white boys (a very hard group when it comes to Interracial
Dating). The message is getting out there that it is normal to be
attracted to and to date white guys even from school age.

911 Anniversary

I rarely say much on
this subject every year, if I do remember to, I sometimes put up a
picture and say 'God bless America' or something of that nature.
After the recent events in the middle east, I am even more inclined
to not just value Western freedoms but to realize that there is no
similar kind of context of personal and individual freedom offered around the
globe.

As black women we talk
about living the best lives possible but make no mistake, the context
within which we can live optimal lives is the western context,
no matter how flawed and deficient it still is. If the western
edifice does not endure, then as black women, you can kiss your fancy ideas
about living optimal lives goodbye. Do you know that there are places
in Africa now where as a black woman you can still be sold as a
slave.

Indeed some of you
think you have a fight/quarrel with the western social order but I
can assure you that if you succeed in taking down the western
edifice, what will replace it will make your hair stand on end. The
West is not evil. It has deficiencies, it has flaws, somethings could be better...Do your best to better the system at the same time
defend your freedoms and values which are under threat. The external threats are even more than those of so called 'right wing christians' because there are already laws in place that limit what such folks can do. There are actually external factors that may well reshape some of the west's most fundamental freedoms, as it seeks to align itself with the demands and agitation and financial might of other global power players and a new world order being ushered in as we speak.

I am sounding this warning, Stop trying to
take down the whole Western project. Stop being used and manipulated (through your anger or guilt or bitterness) into destroying your own civilization.

Now someone made the
statement the other day, that the US went to Afghanistan to install
Sharia law, they did the same for Iraq, they are in the process of
doing it for Libya, Egypt and Syria and the rest of the middle east.
When you really think about it, they are right. Imagine that!

Lets face it, no one
knows if the Arab spring was really the flowering of democracy, the
signs dont point to that. What is becoming more evident is that some
of the most reactionary and anti-human factions co-opted the rhetoric
of democracy and self-determinism to actually forward an agenda that
will actually be illiberal, anti-democratic and is threatening to crush the minorities in their midst, who even under the worst dictators managed to find a safe space within these regions to live and be.

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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Sunday, September 02, 2012

After last week's post, a commenter made me reflect on some other
stuff that I had noticed at the barbecue; how black men and white men
presented themselves in markedly different ways in terms of how they
interracted with others. I responded to the commenter Samadhi:

That’s a good question. I think on some
level they are doing the dance expected of them. I will write up a
bit more on these thoughts in the next post but I was actually
watching the actions of the white men at the barbecue versus the
black guys. Most of the white guys performing any function were well
behaved, went out of their way to be helpful and courteous, and
assist people without judgement or telling anyone off. It seemed/s to
me to be expected that the black guys were going to act 'some kind of
way' possibly have outbursts, tell folk off, or transgress the social
etiquette and rules of decorum, with people gearing up to make
allowances for these expected responses. Even at work they receive
patronage and the funding keeps rolling in if they fit the stereotype
of the misunderstood black male, or if they play to the 'black men
cant help themselves but react angrily', theme. Very sad because it
keeps them in the cycle and they cant break out (because it is being
rewarded)and be better than all that!

To add to this observation, as a result of work I am exposed to
the dynamics of interaction between black men and women. I know a
particular woman who has a black man on her team and I am struck by
how she, his manager, treats him more like a son or younger brother.
Whenever she asks him to take care of a piece of work she is almost
up in his face imploring, meanwhile with her black female team
members, she issues straight forward directives which she expects
them to comply with pronto. I find her body language very revealing;
when she is talking to him he is turned away while she is turned
towards him almost up into his armpit.

With any other person, his kind of body posture would be deemed rude
or would register as insubordination. It appears to me that there is
this Caribbean cultural thing, where black women are supposed to be
positioned as the pursuers of the affection, attention and the
response (and good will) of black men who themselves maintain
maintain an air of aloofness to all her efforts. While women adopt
excessive obsequiousness, act all pleading and placating towards
black men black men adopt a posture of entitlement to black women’s,
indulgence, protection and extreme patience.

I find that if invited into an inner circle of black folks you are
expected to actually adopt these rules and conventions for relating
to black men if you are a woman and they will test that you
understand and comply.

Lets talk about the good example of seeking out spaces where you
are valued

Summer is music festival time. This year I attended a four day
festival of world music. I haven’t camped in such a long while and
my poor back complained bitterly after the first few nights. The
music menu was varied and sumptuous; Turkish, Irish, Scottish,
African, Japanese...you name it (the highlight for me was a Norwegian
singer Ane Brun http://anebrun.com/
(absolutely sublime performance of 'Undertow' and 'What's Happening
With You & Him').

On the second day I attended an Irish band session. There was no
black person in the audience though quite a number could be seen at
the festival itself. When the band leader called for some volunteers
I put my hand up and I was selected (just as I knew I would be when
he announced before hand that he would ask for audience
participation). I was so sure that I discreetly put lip gloss on and
secured my purse as soon as he made the announce. Why not, I was the
only black person in the audience of maybe 100. It doesn’t take a
genius to work out that the probability of being picked was very high
for me. They would definitely love to have me up there on stage
trying out their Irish dance routine. I got a signed CD for my
efforts!

I don’t think I need to spell out the moral of the story, there are
places where your presence would be sought. I contrast this with so
many 'black spaces' where black women love to frequent yet there is a
pained expression on the faces of the black men when they show up!
Where jokes are made about their weave, their 'attitude,' and black
men are so eager to show how much they detest these black women and
prefer the few white or mixed race women in their midst.

A lot of us have not tossed the idea that black spaces are best for
us even though our experience tells us otherwise. At the same time so
many of us will swear up and down that white folks are hostile and
don’t want us in their midst and will do A, B, C. Yet we don’t
know any such thing for certain, (we have heard it second hand)
neither obtained it from experience because we have never yet
'integrated' any white spaces to know that such would be our fate. We
are cowed and limited by the phantoms we created in our own minds
about white spaces and when we enter them we sit huddled together in
a conner with other black women because of our fears! We might even
have experienced some discomfort or an awkward situation in white
spaces but compared to our trails in black spaces these are nothing.

Do you know that off the top of my head I can list 5 places in my
local area where I am sure to see one or no black woman, and thus
such a venue could be used to my social even career advantage.

I am sure some people (one woman in particular), must have been
peeved that I got called up over them, maybe they are Irish and love
all things Irish and 'Who the hell is this interloper'. But who
cares. In black spaces they would have a ball. Non-black women in
particular are given premium value over regular black women even the
most devoted black woman who would lay down her life for black unity.
Many white and almost white women understand the game in black spaces
and play it to their advantage to the very hilt and at the expense of
black women, and give no apologies. Why shouldn’t black women find
where they 'fit in.'

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About Me, About the Blog

Hi I am Halima AndersonI am an author with a passion for the relationship 'well-being' of black women, hence the writing of the book, "Supposing I wanted to Date a White Guy...? It is important for me to specify that this blog is for women who are new to interracial dating or who still have struggles with the idea and want to see if it is a thing for them. This category of black women will be my primary focus!If you are already in an IR or are open to the idea, I wish you good luck!

Email: something2say(at)gmail(dot)com

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