Pages

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Thankful Sunday--October 18, 2015

I am thankful for a hug.

When we first moved here, there was a shy, little boy, Manny, living next door. Gradually, he and Theo became best friends. Manny was here all of the time playing with the boys, spending the night, and going to soccer practice and Boy Scout meetings with us. We helped him with his homework and gave him friendly advice. I think he liked it over here because it was more stable than what was going on at his house.

Theo and Manny in their younger days
playing with balloons.

However, long about the beginning of his teen years, he expanded his horizons and started hanging out with the wrong crowd. Skipping school, petty theft, and pot started to be part of his every day life. After one particular event, I told him he was not allowed in our house any more until he showed signs that he was trying to do better. My only requirement was that he cut back on the number of tardies and absences from school. In the meantime, I talked to his family about all kinds of services that could help him, books to read, and people to talk to. However, in their own way, they did what they thought was best and did nothing.

Manny never did make it back into our house. I talked to him several times, but thought it was important to remain firm both for safety reasons and for him to have some consistency in expectations--something that had been mostly lacking from his family. His behavior escalated to major thefts, jail time, drug dealing, and heroin addiction. A very sad thing for everyone--especially Theo.

Throughout the next ten years, he was in and out next door and I never had more than a wave to him. However, the other day he was sitting in his backyard with a friend and I went over and introduced myself to his friend and said hi to Manny. Manny said that it had been a long time and there was an awkward silence. And then he got up and gave me a big hug.

And from that big hug, I felt like the Manny, from years ago, was still in there somewhere and maybe he can find his way again. And for that I am thankful.

13 comments:

You seem to be a good influence on a lot of neighbor kids. There are many kids I have met in the past few years, through my children's activities (and some neighbor kids as well, come to think of it), who make me sad--they have so much potential but have little to no adult guidance outside of school. It's hard to watch them make increasingly bad decisions (my son is in middle school and the poor choice-making is becoming more evident).

We would have adopted/raised Manny if we could have. However, he had a family who loved him and wanted him, so that was never an option. If only they could have had their lives together more, so Manny could have gotten more of what he needed--stability and consistency. Manny had/has so much potential. I just hope he can realize it some day.

He may have gotten enough hugs, but not enough attention in other ways that he needed. The situation makes very sad, but you can't save the whole world no matter how much you try. You know that truth all too well.

This is a bittersweet post. My best wishes and thoughts are with Manny. Hopefully he will have an opportunity to get his life moving in a positive direction. Sometimes it is easy to judge others decisions, but so unfair unless you have lived in a particular situation

Sometimes I fantasize that Dr. Phil will sweep in and give the whole family extensive counseling. I'd even write to him if I thought that they wanted that kind of help. But they don't, so I just try to be supportive and give them someone to talk to then and again and let Manny know that while I don't condone his actions, I still accept him.

What a sad story. It's heartbreaking to see kids with so much potential fall to the vices that steal their life from them. I am sure he appreciates your visit and understands you are accepting rather than judging of his mistakes. You sure have made a difference in the children's lives around you.

Follow by Email

Search This Blog

About Me

Ward and I live on a couple of acres in the suburbs. We go to work and then come home to spoil our four cats. Our sons, Wally and Theodore, drop by then and again to tell about their adventures.
See "Who Am I" tab for more info.