Really Interested/Motivated Woman?

by Francesco
(Italy)

Hi Bob, I'm here again with another question/topic for you :)

This time I'd like to ask you if there's some advice or trick you could share about how to check if the woman is really motivated to a serious relationship and when it's possible to start to check/detect it.

I know this an huge topic and it looks quite vague and so I'll try to be more specific: I'm not referring to scammers or gold diggers but to the category of women that could be just interested to take some free holidays in their country or in the man's one.

For example, I start to chat with a woman online, after few months we decide to meet in her country, then few months later she wants to visit me and maybe we could continue to visit each other for a while before we decide to take a more serious step; if the woman is jobless or she earns money just to survive in her daily life and so she cannot contribute for the expense of our meetings, I'd be in a situation where I'm investing my feelings, time and money while the woman would invest feelings (if she is honest) and time (time to talk to me on internet and time while we are together in real life, which is not an huge sacrifice). Is there some way to spot out if a woman is serious about the relationship no matter if she can help to contribute materially for our relationship?

If a woman would have the finances to contribute, should she spontaneously offer to help, otherwise I should start to get suspicious?

Thanks a lot in advance!!!Francesco

Bob's Answer:

No "trick" to this... Really you just proceed with your eyes open and try to "connect the dots".

Understand that it is true in their culture that the MAN PAYS. It really is just how it is, not a made-up cultural thing for their benefit, so even if a woman could afford to contribute materially, don't expect it and don't be offended if she doesn't offer.

But there are a few things to look for...

A "serious" woman DOES NOT WANT many meetings and a long, drawn out email/Skype/phone relationship, she wants a REAL relationship that is progressing. That may require several trips, but I personally believe that your first meeting must be in her city. That alone really removes a lot of the "free holiday" concern... While you are there she'll be treated to a slightly better life in the form of restaurants and entertainment, but I don't think of those kinds of things as sufficient to motivate her to "date for the free holidays". Vacations to Dominican Republic... that's a risk. A few dinners in Dnepropetrovsk's finer restaurants, not so much.

A woman talking much about visiting you in your country can go either way... If your relationship has not yet progressed to the point where you sense that it is fairly serious for both of you, then you might be justified in worrying about the "free holiday" thing. BUT, if your relationship has progressed to the point where it is serious for both of you, then it is somewhat reasonable for her to see how you live by spending some time with you in your city.

I see you are from Italy... the answer to this question for those from America is different... In the vast majority of cases when a Russian/Ukrainian woman starts telling an American man she wants to visit, it's a SCAM. The reason: Tourist visas to the U.S. for Russians/Ukrainians are fairly rare and hard to get, and they know that. They know they don't have a visa and can't get one, so in that case they're just trying to get the man to send money for visa and travel, then they'll never hear from her again. But I know Russians/Ukrainians can travel throughout most of Europe a little more easily.

Other than these things, just eyes open + common sense, then listen to your instincts.

When you visit her, does she take you to restaurants for dinner where the bills comes to $150 USD? Does she talk about expensive things? Does she ask for expensive gifts?

Now there is one other thing to consider, as I think about it... There ARE Russian/Ukrainian women who are serious and really do want to find a man for a marriage together who will fail those previous questions (the $150 dinner bill, expensive things, gifts). These are women who simply have very high material expectations from their man.

Only you can decide if that's something you want, but for myself I think that women like this watch too many movies and read too many romance novels :)