Beard Envy

Beard Envy:

The Beard Is Always Bearder, Or Something

There seems to be a rather unfortunate affliction going around that is truly upsetting to realize. The phenomenon is colloquially referred to as beard envy, and it seems to be afflicting more and more, without any clear reason or cause for this unfortunate emotional/psychological epidemic. The problem presents itself thusly: a bearded man is out and about, enjoying himself in a public venue, perhaps relishing the crisp, clean breeze rushing through his own glorious beard. He then turns a corner or passes through a doorway and WHABAMM! He’s confronted with a beard that is longer, thicker and looks better tended to than his own. An immediate and uncontrollable feeling of shame and inadequacy washes over this first man who, up to that very moment, had been feeling quite proud (not as in hubris, but proud in an honest and acceptable way) of his own luscious growth.

Why must another beard instill in or evoke from us these negative feelings, rather than lighting a flame of camaraderie and kinship that will cause our collective beard fervor to burn all the brighter? We, at Detroit Grooming Co., find it of the utmost importance that you all know that your own beard, the beard that you have grown and cultivated on your very face, should be more than enough to keep a smile somewhere within your rugged, handsome beard. And, furthermore, no other beard should seem anymore appealing or impressive to you than the one that you’ve grown, yourself. Growing a big, majestic beard is about pride of ownership and increased self-esteem. We mustn’t let ourselves fall victim to the nasty, nasty ways of treacherous, green beard envy, for it will tear us all apart, within and without, rather than building us upward and inward, as it rightfully should.

So, whether your beard is curly or straight, course or fine, black or blonde or any other way that beards come, you must try your very best to accept your beard as you accept yourself, and not look to others as better examples of what you feel you should be. Do not fall victim to the old adage, the beard is always bearder. Instead, take pride and live forcefully in the knowledge that “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” Mark Twain didn’t have a beard, but he did have a mustache and a great deal of sense. Live well, live comfortably, and bask in your own approval.