Mid Vive Voces today I came to a conclusion; it is sometimes necessary to be blunt to be productive.

There is nothing more frustrating than seeing talent go to waste. So it is always better to push than “please” when it comes to straight taking with YOUTH.

To push the panini over the toastie , to serve up Mozarella , not just sliced red cheese.

Where else are you going to be able to ” act out ” differently before you hit the rest of your life?

Where else can you change overnight and be accepted , because its okay to mess up , pick yourself up and start again?

Each person I saw today had something they needed to hear for their own good, each person I see on Wednesday will doubtless be the same.

Of course the PACE jungle drums will have started to rumble and there will be rumours flying around about what was said , with “some” behind closed doors

…and that’s all they deserve to be called ” rumours ” – gossip , pretty little lies , as insubstantial as thin air

A Vive Voce is “a live discussion” between those that are there in that moment – a privileged interchange that is no business of anyone else but those that need to hear it.

If you can’t be trusted to keep this counsel and to now act upon it – what difference do you make here ?

…other than an unnecessary one.

Each Vive VOCE is a chance to change your direction , a way of being put back on track , a helping hand to a better outcome – PACE- wise , and maybe long term with your “real” future.

For those that want to act, it is often a life line that needs to be grabbed and hung onto.

Don’t kid yourself you know what to do – you really don’t , how could you ?

You , are a tiny little drama fish hoping one day to swim with stage sharks , little youth theatre minnows need to become big College fish , then theatre leviathans of the deep , better equipped to survive in demanding artistic seas; to avoid being swallowed on their first dramatic ‘outing’.

For those that want to fulfil their self potential through the use of PACE , but aim for something else; then carry the advise into all you do – here , at home , in school , wherever.
No relevance is wasted- you’ll meet this environment in any walk of life.

And , as was repeated “ad infinitum” today , to each who came – this advice is given to you in your best interest , not to get at you or to trip you up; it is to make you the best you can be – cliched as that might sound.

You can’t change the nature of man, but you can change the circumstance one finds themselves in…

By that I mean you may never be able to change the way you are made, but you can do something about the things you surround your self with , that inevitably effect the outcome of your current actions.

Any drama space is filled with diverse personalities but the drama is what unites and connects you all in the end.

So , to get the best out of the drama here , you need to bring the best out of the people that want to stay the course.

The lazy , need to be taught to work , to not sit back and wait for things to come to them.

The blinkered , need to be taught to look up and out , to think more, to not dumb down.

The formal , need to be encouraged to relax , to let go of school and the rule book.

The scared , to come out of hiding , to face up to those that affect them , to call them to account for their actions.

The negative , to embrace the positive in the light of others , to look for the good , to work with the flaw and to heal the divides.

There is one of the above in all , whom I met today , some a mixture of bits of everything , to more or less an extent

Why shouldn’t there be ? We are human and our instinct for survival tells us to do anything we can – to survive.

The law of the youth jungle is vicious – cut throat and unfeeling when it wants to be , but balanced with a resilience for bouncing back after even the toughest of times.

As you grow older you find yourself settling into a way of being and it is often harder to change. Too late to be bothered to try.

Parents often want to stop their children making the mistakes they made , this can be a pressure that is hard to deal with at times , but not one that you can’t learn to work more productively with. To see the positive. In what seems a negative situation is a step in the right direction. It will help with a more mature outlook on things

No different from your parents , and school teachers , we care about what you are doing here , how you are dealing with issues , with the work set and more importantly coping with the success of others if you yourself aren’t feeling that great.

If you take anything from your Vive Voce today , take the notion that you are very lucky to have a chance to do something about it.

Many young people get themselves into a way of dealing with things that determines and dominates their life before they get a chance to live it ” as fully they potentially could”

No one I saw today is incapable of more positive effort , no one is beyond this SPACE direction.

And if it is decided you need something different at this point – then that is for you and me to understand and others to respect.

Cross roads appear to offer you alternatives , the signs may not always be seen as positive , but they make you stop and think about the direction you want to onward take for you and who you want to become.

ENDEAVOUR 1/2 is still an ongoing process , but a step closer to THE SPACE – a place I am determined to keep “perfect”- for those that “perfectly” understand how important that is in their:

Not for me , not for the final group who launch this outstanding PACE venture, as a beacon of light for the fuutre , to those that will want “positively” to follow

Why shouldn’t we be the only people in the UK doing this ” our way ” , in Europe , even in the world ?

Why does youth work have to have limits and expectations of what young people are only capable of ?

Don’t we show again and again that there is no rule book for excellence .

Isn’t the Suzuki Music School in Japan and Barca’s Youth Football programme examples of this more challenging cultured mindset ? That nothing is impossible with a better artistic vision.

I hope those that move on into ENDEAVOUR next term , get the Significance of this their last audition stage ; that I really will be looking this time round to see everything I spoke about in the Vive Voce , put into clearer practise and that if I don’t believe the change , don’t get the butterfly effect – you won’t get a SPACE.

E1 is a step closer – I can already see the positive benefits of bringing you on

E2 have something more to prove – I am giving many the benefit of the doubt here , but coasting on the bare minimum is no longer good enough

It’s hard , harder than Odyssey I’d say , because now , there is no excuse , no one else to blame for not doing things , nowhere to hide from the spotlight.

Less about the “show” , more the process of showing yourself “getting it ” I reckon.

Why call it ENDEAVOUR?

Well , if you can’t get that …You’re not:

THE RIGHT STUFF

( a great film , a panini life style )

Hungry ?

Time to make your mind up.

Share this:

Like this:

24 Responses to A Panini life for me…

Please resist the temptation to be " pop" like in your comments on the SPACE blog
As discussed yesterday - this blog is a CYBER Drama class and needs to be treated with respect and careful thought at all times
I expect each blog to be commented on, but in a way that lets me k ow you get the underlying message
Avoid " text speak " and Instagram/ snapchat delivery
Push yourself at all times to voice your thoughts the way you would speak to me in our Drama SPACE
Keep your social media language just that " social"
Do not use this comment as an excuse not to ever comment - as discussed , fake ness lies on both sides sometimes
Trust I know who is genuine and who is not x

This blog relates to me in so many ways, wait let me correct that in so many wrong ways...
But after my Viva Vocé yesterday I notcied that I have been starting to change, but im taking baby steps!
I've always been guilty of thinking I know what is going on, but inside I'm completely clueless! I realised yesterday that just because I'm the oldest doesn't mean that I need to be the best or know everything... And when I accept that thats when I begin to start improving.
Yesterday was a real eye opener for me, the slightest silly little things that you think wont affect you in the room can be the biggest problem and now that ive come to realise I can see whats been holding me back.
I became this little fish who wandered away from its school, trying to be a big fish in open waters... But that was slowly destroying me... Luckily this fish found its school and is ready to slowly but surely get better again, to grow again.
Oh and ps - I really enjoyed my panini yesterday!
Jodie x

I always say, and have been described as someone with their nose in a book. I feel like I am always expected to read and write and articulate myself properly through doing such. I took a little reflection on this to realise I don't do either enough. That sometimes I have forgotten to do the things I say I like to do. So with this, I sat down with a book the other day (Slaughterhouse 5, little Vonnegut number) and just read it straight. There was something about that then. An innocence, a happiness. A moment when I remembered why the things I say I love are such a big part of me. A few hours and several cups of tea later, I found myself sitting with this buddle of pages dog eared and loved lying on my bedside table. I had enjoyed all the time I had spent there, even though it was a lot of work to get my head around (the book is not set in chronological order, it could be confusing but it is written fantastically) I felt like the girl I should be, a sense of achievement. A sense of want.
This anecdote may seem like a slight digression, but I promise It has some form of prevalence. Looking at the this blog, I see where you are coming from. I had always said I love to read books, and it's true. But I don't practice this as much as I should. I always say I love theatre, but when we are handed these chances to work hard and excel in our normal ways, we can cower backwards. And that old phrase Pops back into my head, "sometimes i forget how to do the things I say I like to do" I feel it just helped me to realise that whilst I have capability in certain aspects, there is still a lot of work that I can and should be doing to improve my current state.
Ever since i heard about space, I loved its ideology. I loved the vagueness, the imagination. It sounded like exactly what I wanted. To be able to address ourselves but also make theatre. Pardon my informality here, but how cool is that?! To be able to work with a core of people who may not always understand, but accept. And in their own justifiable right have talents and skills that are being exercised continually. It is a rare thing to be given this chance, and rarer still to take it. To be able to work towards this is something I never rendered myself able to do. But I can see this place, this space, and I can't stop myself from wanting to be involved. Like a proverbial blind man who is afraid of the dark, I can't escape my thoughts being clouded with "what if I was lucky enough"
This made me slightly envious of those who received a viva voce. Although the truth can be difficult to take or sometimes say, it will undoubtably help you. Whilst I have never formally had an experience such as a viva voce, I do believe that I have had honest conversations with Mhairi that perhaps were not the easiest pills to swallow. But that's okay. Once you've taken the pill, after that initial lump in your throat, it will start to work from inside you. It don't mean to be a cliche, but cliches only come about from words that were once true.
Branching out, so to speak, can sometimes sound like an immense chore. To watch these movies, to read these book, listen to this song and find beauty in a canvas. It can seem like a chore. I think once we all realised that there are things outside of our reach that fit nicely in our circle. That our favourite things, the things that change us might never be realised if we do not look for them. Being human that way is difficult. Being human is difficult like building your own house. Being human is difficult like decorating this house for when the neighbours come round, so that they can be comfortable in your bedroom, even if you hate the colour of the sheets. It's difficult like having culture outside your window, but not opening the curtain in fear that the skyline outside will upset your decor.
Here's the thing, it is always rewarding to watch a sun set.
Carla x

I feel like this quote (as cliché as it may sound) applies well in this sense 'The truth will set you free'. Often we know the truth inside of ourselves but hearing it from another can spur us on, give us a shake and push us in the right direction. This is how I felt - and continue to feel - after my viva voce yesterday. Knowing yourself well and being self aware and mindful is so important I knew this before but I can see it now, I can also see now how I often shy away from being completely honest with myself and how this in turn holds me back. But I will no longer allow myself to hold myself back, I feel stronger more courageous and excited at the challenge of getting myself to the place I need to be in order to no longer be held back by my own doubt and lack of trust. Something has shifted, a small shift, but one that I am ready for and will push and push until it becomes a greater shift. I am ready for the taste experience of Panini number 2, it's time to ditch cheese and ham and go out of my way to try mozzarella, basil and pesto. The comfort of cheese and ham can seem appealing but I want to put myself out of my comfort zone with a more adventurous Panini.

Ever since I was a little girl I've always hated being wrong, the perfectionist inside of me always looks for excuses to cover up the mistakes I make instead of being honest and admitting I could have done better. I think I like to kid myself on that I'm a productive person, which when it comes down to it I am, but most of the time I'm extremely lazy and like to see how far i can push things off until I inevitably always regret it. The procrastination in me likes to forget I need to work, and it is such a weakness inside of me and I think it's what causes all my many downfalls in acting. Over time I've started to realise that I'll never get better if I don't push myself, don't tell myself to do more, to not just say I'll change then never live up to it. Truth is, I'm a ham and cheese toastie girl. I've always been that way. The comfortable knowledge of knowing I like this has always been what drives me to stick to it. But, somewhere inside me there's a mozerella and basil panini fighting it's way out. I'm not the same person I was last year, but I'm not "changed" yet. I thought I overcame my bridge ages ago only to discover new bridges would form the more I entered into new undiscovered territory. The truth inside me knows that I could have passed these bridges a long time ago, if I'd just pushed myself and started to branch out and not listened to my ham and cheese voice. Sometimes all it takes for me to snap out of this daze is the truth, and it's probably what I need right now. I need to do more and stop counting on my comfort. It's a bridge I need to get over, because it's been there for too long and it's not leaving. I know that mozerella, basil and tomatoe panini is waiting for me- I just need to work to get it.

When I read this what really stood out to me was the drive I need, to be perfect in "Work ethic, Cultural Outlook, Intellect and Mindset, Peer Positivity, Dramatic Challenge, Artful Life". And whilst each idea in this list offers much in the way of artistic evaluation of me as an actor, what really swayed my attention was the word 'perfect'. Because to me, being perfect was something I had thought in the past to be an elusive ideal but really - is it - for me as an actor? I know there are still areas to work on to improve myself, so maybe my excuse in the past for simply not doing so was holding onto this idea of the unattainability of perfection. If I put in the effort, and channel my passion for what SPACE has to offer into what I am doing, I find my mindset is now changed into thinking that I could find the perfection in myself that SPACE requires of me to be part of it.
Although not a part of the Odyssey Project like many of the people who are auditioning for SPACE were, I feel similarly opened to these ideas of bettering myself and more easily able to change perceptions on the 'simple' things as it seems you have too (based on your comments on blogs and from what you have told me in person). REmOTE was a play, that through its very central concern, could stir this sense of self-improvement inside me and being a part of it really made this change a reality. I am going to be honest and just say that reading this blog did actually make me proud in myself for I did see myself as a different panini now than the one I was going into REmOTE! And seeing the journey I have come on through this process matched with my desire for SPACE ultimately makes me think I am ready for the next opportunity to develop myself should I be offered it. And at the end of the day reading this blog excited me! For I know now, the future has no boundaries - save those I put upon myself.

I am surprisingly looking forward to what I hear tomorrow for my viva voce, I'm ready to listen to the advice and take it onboard. I am going to be honest and truthful to myself and to you, I have made that a promise to myself now. It's time to not just accept the ugly but to love the ugly and hopefully show how much I really want this. I would just like to highlight again what an honour it has been to be a part of this SPACE journey so far, and I really don't want it to end. Another promise I have made is to listen more and show how I am feeling, I need to open up more because it really does help, not just in pace but in life out with pace.

I'm definitely a culprit of the text language. However I'm not going to do that as it is a bad habit:
"Good English isn't ugly"
My aunt Joan always said that, thought it was relevant to add. What I get from my Vive voce tomorrow I will intend on using in my future. Would like to discuss the rest of my feelings tomorrow.

When I want to comment on a blog, I always hesitate. I never think what I want to say makes sense, or if people will read it and think that I am being fake. This is something that holds me back, on this blog and in the room. Whenever I coment or speak out my heart begins to race and I don't know why. I don't know why I can't let myself be free to say what I want and it infuriates me. I infuriate myself because I know what I want to say I just can't say it. Well, I probably could say it but something just happens and I feel like everything I say is wrong. Even know I am constantly checking over for spelling errors and if it will make sense to others. I just need to stop thinking about if it will make sense or if it's gramatically correct or if what I'm saying is wrong. Because there isn't anything wrong to say. I though I had gotten over this during remote, and i have started feeling freer to speak and comment, but it isn't fully away, and it still looms over me.
this blog has inspired me , inspired me to start just saying what I want to say. And I know this is going to be hard for me, extremely hard. But anything worth doing isn't easy.
Carla xx

I have my vice voce today and I'm looking forward to it after reading this blog. Realising that speaking things out loud is always a much more productive way to solve problems and so I am looking forward to hearing what steps I need to take to improve. I know that all advice given to me is never meant to slow down or prevent me from achieving my goals, there are some things that we must deal with on our own.
This morning for breakfast for the first time I had eggs mornay with smoked salmon and basil, and to my surprise I really enjoyed it. Trying out new things isn't always something to be scared of, it's something to embrace and go in guns blazing, no matter what you think the consequences might be.
Oriana x

The one word that has stuck to my lips after reading that is "positivity"... In a positive way! And only now have a I realised how important optimistic enthusiasm is. Your general energy reflects on those around you. Many advantages but many disadvantages. Why haul someone else down if your having an unfavourable day? Or why even dig a hole for yourself and reflect your negative energy onto work given or the amount of effort you put in. And that's exactly what I'm guilty for. I never realised how much of a negative, defeatist, pessimistic living sole I was. But I'm beginning to drive on this, and learn from this misfortune. I'm ever so great full that I have began to open my eyes and bloom. I know that I want to see the good in things, to have the benefit of the doubt - sort of attitude. I'm so young and I still have so much life and years ahead of me so it is tolerable to make mistakes this early on in my life... So then I don't regret decisions or the person I have became in later stages of my life. I'm learning new things everyday and becoming more superior whilst I'm making many mistakes along the way, and learning from those mistakes.
"The woman I was yesterday, introduced me to the woman I was today; which makes me very excited about meeting the woman I'll become tomorrow."
Mia. X

My vive voce today gave me such a clear vision of what I need to achieve in order to progress - it allowed me to be completely honest with myself and Mhairi and it has given me even more determination to get past the boundaries that are holding me back.
Looking back at the past couple of months, I believe that I've made baby steps in order getting past a "negative view" of my body and while there is still a long way to go in being rid of this setback completely, I'm excited to be able to be open, free and on the road to achieving mozzarella and basil greatness.
Frances.x

Recently, I feel that my toastie is getting a little mixed up. Almost like a ham and cheese toastie with Brie and thyme, rather than mozzarella, pesto and basil. I'm looking for all the correct ingredients but not quite finding them yet. Although, if I keep working at myself I'm hoping to find them soon. A little vague possibly, but all things I hope to discuss during a vive voce. As for the honesty, being told straight and blunty from the age we are at almost excites me, it makes me hope that even in years to come we will be more resilient and accepting of the truth- life skills that can be used forever. Sophie x

The thought of engulfing a basil and Pesto Penini makes my stumuch rumble, even though I have JUST swallowed a ham and cheese toastie!
But I am going to take the opertunity by both hands. I have a feeling I'm going to need to open my eyes A LOT and accept the fact in order to get the panini I'm going to have to try things that I may not like( that other people may like)- but at least I'm going to try it and i can share my opinion.
The journey of getting this pinini already sounds a difficult one but I have gut feeling this pinini will be worth it!
Lauren S

Just recently my school has opened up a Deil counter at Lunch. It has everything you would expect a Deil to have, with meats, cheeses and salad. Being a boy who enjoys his food, I tend to find myself venturing to this cornucopia of delights. When I get to the counter, I see what's on offer, Salmon, sweet and sour chicken, meatballs, chicken and ham. There is also a selection of cheese and salads.
When it comes down to it and they ask "what do you want", my mind wonders. I like to imagine myself as a food connoisseur, who has the ability to try all these extrinsic foods and enjoy them but I am scared. Scared of trying new things, stepping out of my comfort zone, I am riddled with thoughts of "what if I don't like it", "will it taste disgusting", "I am really hungry I don't want to cue up again".
Alas I am defeated, "ham and cheese sandwich please" I say. My safety net, I know I like it. The Lady looks at me in disgust, like I have just offended her with my boringly basic choice.
When I finish my sandwich, I think of what it would be like to off had the salmon. What flavours would be dancing inside my mouth, bringing me into new sort of place.I shrug it of. Maybe next time.
I know your thinking "why is he going on about his lunch".
It's because personally I can draw parallels between lunch and the SPACE. We can all stay eating our cheese and ham but after the first few sandwiches, the excitement is gone, the flavours disappear, it's just something to fill us up.
I know, I am afraid of change. Those same lunch line questions pollute my mind even now "what if I don't like the upcoming process", "will it do me any personal damage", "it might not work, so I will play it safe so I don't need to start again".
This fear is holding me back, I need to be more open to change, embrace it with open mouth, take a bite out of everything and try it all, be the connoisseur I imagine I'd be.
Ditch the cheese and ham and run away with something better.
So next time I get my lunch
"Salmon and cream cheese bagel please"
Adam

The first time I read this I did not understand the comparison between the space and a "panini". But I understand now that I've got to reach a new level in drama, possibly a weird experience that I've never tried before. Its going to be difficult but I'm looking forward to it.
Ross

After reading this blog and everyone else's comments it makes me feel so open to share my feelings the way I feel them. So that's what I am going to do.
Over the past week I have really started to broaden my 'Panini' horizon. This change has come about after my viva voce, I realised that if I want to achieve my goals I must try new things, take bigger leaps and step further out my comfort zone, whether that is reading books or what I listen to, it really shows what you are actually missing. I have set myself a challenge, the next time I go out for something to eat, I'm going to try something I've never tried before which to me seems a bit scary but I'm going to do it!
Iona C

My first reaction to this was 'I love mozzarella, tomato and basil paninis'. I remember sitting with my classic tuna melt panini in front of me when I was about eleven/twelve in our local cafe. My mum offered me some of her panini and at first I refused. You know that way when someone gives you something new but you're perfectly happy with the easy option you've got in front of you? (That and the random green bits made me think it was diseased or something) But I did take a bite and I've been hooked ever since. In fact I order it just about every time I'm out for lunch now.
And in a way I think that's what happened to me in Pace. I began starting to push my boundaries a little, try new things and creep out of my old comfort zone. Everything was exciting and fresh and I could explore all these new ideas, getting a flavour of what happens when you try to see beyond what is in front of you and what you are used to.
But this new 'mozzarella' way of thinking just became my new 'tuna melt' or 'cheese and ham'. I'd always known at the back of my mind I'd been reaching for the same tools in the toolbox to do things but my Vive Voce helped me understand how I can break out of this pattern. To look for new inspirations and reach out to others. I've also realised now that there are still things I haven't tried, more 'personal' things to work on to benefit the group that I hadn't put much thought into. The endeavour project is going to be a chance for me to put this advice and guidance into action. It will be difficult I think because I know that we will all be pushed to the best of our ability with nowhere to hide the ugly inconvenient truths. It can be hard to be told the truth about yourself and even harder to accept it but sometimes the best thing is to bring the darkest parts of ourselves to light. Only then can we reach our true potential
Gwen