Success mainly down to having a loud voice

Researchers found a direct correlation between a person’s salary and the number of decibels their voice is capable of reaching.

Business analyst Nathan Muir said: “Success and shouting are the same thing. It doesn’t matter what you say, as long as you say it at sufficient volume.

“Perhaps we learn to equate loud with good by watching bands at massive corporate summer festivals.

“The important thing is that your rivals’ voices are inaudible, so everyone has to go with what you think.

“Men have a massive advantage in the workplace, because they have louder voices. As do people from public school, because those places are savvy enough to have shouting on the curriculum, shouting competitions and inter-school shout-offs.”

City trader Tom Logan said “I have a very loud voice!

“When I was at school, I wouldn’t shut up! Even though nothing I said made sense and I had to see lots of psychologists!”