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Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived in a kingdom called Calcutta. Okay, well, she wasn’t really little. And it wasn’t really a kingdom. She was quite grown up. Legally, an adult. And Calcutta was far from being a kingdom. It was a city. A city full of chaos. A city where everything moved at a terribly slow pace. A city, where all its inhabitants seemed to sleep forever. Nobody seemed to want much from life. A city where nothing developed, except for streetlamps and flyovers. In spite of all this, it was called the city of joy. It used to be the capital of the country. It used to be beautiful. The girl couldn’t understand how the beauty of the city eroded into what it became. But it was still home. Though it was beginning to feel like a cage.

The girl wanted to go out. She wanted to visit places. She wanted to leave the country and roam the world. She wanted to experience all the cultures, wanted to see all the beauty the world had to offer, wanted to meet different people. She wanted to live. But times weren’t easy for her. She was trapped in the city. She had to remain there for three years to finish her graduation, after which her father had promised to send her wherever she wished to go, within reason, by any means.

He was a good man, her father. He always took care of her. Never let her want for anything. He would give her everything he could before she could ask for it. But the girl wasn’t spoilt. She valued things. She valued everything. And she knew that her father would keep his promise.

She attended a supposedly good college. The college had good name. But that was it. Like every other institution in Calcutta, it was all on the surface. Initially, she couldn’t fathom how the college managed to maintain its name. Then one day, it all made sense to her. NAAC, an accreditation body, funded by the government, had come to visit and inspect the college. It would later grade the college. And of course, the college had to look its best for them. Then the grooming started. First, they started painting. No, not the entire college. Just the patches where the paint had come off over time. And it wasn’t even the same shade of dull yellow. It wasn’t done a month before the visit, though. So the entire building was smelling of paint when the NAAC representatives came to visit. Smart move, she thought to herself. And they made all the students of the college wear semi formal clothes as well. And, they actually installed WiFi for those three days. They scrubbed and dusted and cleaned and polished every corner of the college. They even painted the boards black. The girl was flabbergasted. It all made sense to her, how the college maintained its name and grade. It was all a facade. They were all pretentious, to an extent. No classes were held for the girl and her batch that day. So she did not know how the NAAC representatives graded their teaching method and all.
That day, she realized that they were all faking it. The authorities, the students, the teachers. Every one of them. Perhaps the entire world was faking it, she wasn’t sure.

But anyway, the girl had learnt to accept a lot of things in life, so she accepted that too, with a smile on her face. For, what else could she do?

Days dragged on and on. Classes were tiresome, schedules were tedious.
One day, she had the greatest and most uncontrollable urge to use the washroom. Nature was calling her. Not softly either. Nature was screaming through a mic into her ear. So she decided to use the college washrooms. Usually, she avoided public washrooms. But that day, she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. And of course, when you know you should avoid doing something but you do it anyway, it comes back and bites you in the arse. The girl got an E.Coli infection. The college had once again proved that it was not what it should be. That day, she realized that they had never come across the new age product called “disinfectant” either. She could not attend college the next day. So she stayed back at home, sat down on her bed armed with a bottle of water and a bottle of medicine, flipped out her phone and typed all of the above down.

For the past couple of days, I’ve had absolutely nothing to do. So like any other teen, I’ve resorted to Facebook to pass my time. I mean, a little Facebook stalking the ex-boyfriend doesn’t hurt anyone now, does it? But when I was done stalking their walls and pictures, I decided to aimlessly surf around a bit. And nowadays all those pages with funny pictures all over them are so popular. All the memes and all. Weird pages, I tell you… I mean, pages like “The guy above me has been raped by Justin Bieber” or “I can talk in hyperlinks as well” are just dumb, if you ask me. Funny, but dumb.

Anyway, so I came across LOADS of pictures of the Ridiculously Photogenic Guy. Heard of him? Yes? No? Well, I’ll tell you what he’s all about. He is the new face of the world wide web. Nah, just kidding. But he’s damn famous. And no, he’s not famous for being a movie star or a singer or a band member or director or producer or instrumentalist or anything of that sort. He’s famous for being ridiculously photogenic. Yes, you heard me right. Well, read me right…

Here’s the story- Zeddie Little, a guy whos photograph was taken while he was competing in the 10km Cooper Bridge run in his hometown of Charleston. And even mid-run, his photo was perfect. A million dollar smile, the sun highlighting his perfect hair, looking all happy and non-sweaty. Basically, even in a random photo of his which was clicked while he was running, he looked better than I would if I posed for the camera. Honest. Ridiculously photogenic, I tell you.

Mr Little said: ‘It was a fluke to be honest. We figured it out…I was running and waving at a friend who was on the sidelines. I turned around and I caught a camera lens… and that’s history.’

The photo was uploaded and he literally became popular overnight. One photo. Beats my 600 photos on Facebook, hands down. Bleh.
He is now known as the Riduculously Photogenic Guy. He showed up on a morning show on national TV as well! For being photogenic! Beat that! Talk about being at the right place at the right time… His photo has been the source of memes as well. Check ’em out

Okay, so recently I was talking to this American friend of mine, and he was telling me about the ridiculous stereotypes about us Indians and our country that Americans have come up with. How the topic came up? He asked me if I have ever been on an elephant ride. Apparently all Indians are supposed to hav done that. Haha!
So anyway, I just thought that I should try to let the few unfortunate people who happen to stumble across my blog know, that the stereotypes are absolutely bogus and ridiculous and makes me wonder just which jobless creature had the time to come up with these so not true.

The List:

#1 All Indians ride elephants.
No. This is not true. I, for example, have never been on an elephant ride. Ever. It is not our preferred daily mode of transport. It is not a mode of transport at all. I mean, come on! Elephants? Seriously?? We travel in buses and taxis and trains and autos etc. Not elephants. Or camels for that matter.

See? We travel in cars and taxis and buses, etc.

#2 There are snake charmers on every street.
Again, not true. There are no snake charmers in every street. Or any street. I have only ever seen one in a circus. So, sorry to break it to you, but nope. No weird men charming snakes on every street. Hawkers, however, you will find in abundance. And ice-cream sellers. And roadside junk food stalls which seduce your taste buds and then end up giving you gas.

No snake charmers on these streets.

#3 Cows are EVERYWHERE.
Well, surprise! Not true! We do not have cows everywhere. Just in the villages and farms. Like the rest of the world. No surprise there. Just ’cause our economy is mostly agro-based, does not mean we have cattle running around on the streets. They’d get hit by vehicles. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
Also, not every Indian family owns a cow.

Notice the lack of cows.

#4 Everyone wears turbans and dresses.
Nope. Only people belonging to a particular religion, Sikh, wear turbans. Not everyone. And as far as dresses are concerned, um, cicilized society and all. Its kinda mandatory for people to wear clothes. And the kind differs from culture to culture.

We wear normal clothes. Not our cultural apparel. At least not daily.

Just occasionaly.

#5 Every Indian owns a motel or a truck or a gas station.
My family owns none of them. Neither do my neighbours. Or anyone in the apartment building. Or neighbourhood, as far as I know. Or any of my friend, for that matter. So, it’s safe to say that this is untrur as well.

Anyway, that’s just five of them. There are more. Loads of them. I just can’t seem to recall them at the moment. I’ve been almost brain-dead ever since my exams got over. Oh, by the way, I’m FINALLY done with high school! And I’ll be 18 in a couple of months too!! Yay! Yes, I’m being a hyper teenaged girl now.
Ok, thanks, bye!