Paternal Post Natal Depression

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As per the gurus, the ones in the white suits and clipoards, PND does not exist. For those who are unfamiliar with PND, it simply means POSTNATAL DEPRESSION, or for dads it will be PPND (Paternal Postnatal Depression).

I don’t know much about the subject, so I turned to our greatest source of knowledge. The web just confirmed exactly what I was thinking and what I have been saying all along. It also does warn about self diagnosis and scaring yourself to death, unless you are a qualified psychiatrist, shrink, head doctor or quack etc. My point is that dads suffer from postnatal depression as much as new mothers do and it can last anything from 6 weeks to 6 months. Scary huh?

I want to bring light to this subject because I have this very strange confident feeling that I am suffer from “paternal” PND. Ignoring the small print for a minute that says self diagnosis is not recommended and medical help should be sought, I DO NOT think I need to seek out advice… Oh I know I suffer from it! The other thing I know, is that dads, unlike moms, hate doctors and will avoid things until the last moment.

As in the case of women, they regularly schedule checkups with their gynecologist and/or obstetrician, where issues such as PND are detected early and dealt with accordingly. Dad’s unfortunately do not have an Obstetricians. Wikipedia states that Obstetrics – derives from the Latin word OBSTARE, meaning to “stand by”.

Who “stands by” for Dad’s after baby is born? Pretty much him and himself, unless there is someone he really has to confide in. I don’t have this luxury so I just press on and bite the bullet and yes, probably making things worst on myself and being naturally stubborn doesn’t help. Oh, and I am sure that PRIDE, also adds to it all.

What makes matters worst is that I have been silently suffering from depression anyway, but those events are too personal to discuss so we will leave it there BUT, I am merely adding fuel to the fire by the suspicion of suffering from paternal PND.
Am I going to see a doctor? The answer is NO because, if I didn’t previously, I am not going to now am I now?

I can only laugh because I said YES to almost every symptom that they listed. Lack of sleep, mood swings, anger and irritation, detached from family and friends, cancelling activities… and I have gone through all of them this past two weeks including the violent migraine attacks.

I really do not want sympathy, seriously tho, I merely want to make it clear to moms and dads that there are underlying issues that shouldn’t because it can ruin relationships if not addressed. I wish someone warned me before that PND isn’t taboo and new dads silently suffer and puts up a brave face, trying to keep his mind and his pride intact.

You know, not gonna lie.. haven't... really heard of it or anything.. BUT.. after my oldest who is 6 now... her father shut down... he stopped sleeping normal hours, I'd wake up at like.. 3 am and he'd be out on the computer. He stopped talking to me... he didn't want to have sex... I had to MAKE him hold her... he never fed her, played with her, bathed her... I mean, he was completely... shut down... He eventually came around I'd say about 9 months later... in a way. It was never really the same between us though and our second child just really made it worse.. but I didn't know how to deal with it because I'd ask or try and talk.. and .. he was a wall. Now, he says he was depressed but .. he let it sink him into a hole.. and ended up getting himself in trouble. I wish I had thought about that but the adjustment was really hard for me too.. so we weren't doing what the other needed for each other... Either way.. what I'm saying is.. becoming a parent is hard.. it's scary... but what's always helped me is to remember.. you're human, you'll never be perfect at anything in life and that's okay.. and those kids, will grow up.. whether you're ready for it or not. You need to remember you are still YOU.. only better, now you're a dad. Every parent is at least a little scared.. and every parent has moments they feel.. lost and forget themselves.... so when it happens... take that time to calmly sit and think and remember who you ARE.. and let yourself feel the love you have for that kid... it'll be okay.

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