Have you ever wondered where
that plane flying overhead is going and it's type of aircraft?
We ask ourselves questions like the following:..........What
type of plane is it?..........Where
did it come from and where is it going?..........What
the plane's altitude, speed, and airline? Now you can get this instantly
on your laptop screen for any plane anywhere in the world.

Click on Source2 to start over
the Vallejo/Benicia area.

Here is a note to help you get
more out of your visit to this site. These are all the
aircraft in the air right now. In the left hand Column, there is a
box called "planes". The number in the box is the Number of
aircraft airborne. This view is what the various airport air
Traffic management people see for planning purposes.

Some additional tricks:

Drag the map to take you to the
area you want to view. To view your region or town,
you can zoom in by tapping with your Mouse. On the map you will
see all the planes in the air.

When you click on an airplane,
on the left screen you will get all the Information related
to; airline, plane type, air speed, altitude in Real time that is
re-calculated every 10 seconds. On some you can also Click on
view from the cockpit........ This amazes. Real time location
details about every aircraft flying now. Click on individual
planes for details of that flight including: Airline, flight
number City of departure Time of departure City of destination Arrival time Aircraft Present altiture,
vert. speed, track, latitued, and longitude

TopSubj: Did
We Land Or Were We Shot Down?
From: Octagon999 on 97-12-23

An airline pilot wrote that on
this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway
really hard. The airline had a policy, which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline."
He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard
time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone
would have a smart comment, but no one seemed annoyed.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for one little old lady
walking with a cane. She approached and asked, comspiratorially,
"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
Ma'am, what is it?" "Did we land or were we shot down?"

A man boards an airplane and
takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a
very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes
she is heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold,
she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up
a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turns, smiles and says, "Business.
I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention
in Chicago."

He swallows hard. Here
is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him
and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling
to maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's your business
role at this convention?"

"Lecturer", she says, "I use
my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he says, swallowing
hard, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular
myth is that African- American men are the most well
endowed when, in fact, it's the Native-American Indian who
is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular
myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually
it is the men of Jewish descent. However, we have found
that the best potential lover in all categories is the
Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman becomes a
little uncomfortable and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says,
"I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even
know your name!"

"Squawks" are problems noted
by U. S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to
fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies
from the maintenance crews.

(P) = Problem; (S) = Solution

(P) Left inside main tire
almost needs replacement. (S) Almost replaced left
inside main tire.

(P) Test flight OK, except
auto land very rough. (S) Auto land not installed
on this aircraft.

There was a woman who had to
do a lot of traveling for her firm, so she did a lot of flying.
Flying made her very, very nervous, so she always
took her Bible along with her to read, as it helped her relax
a bit on the long flights.

On one flight, the man sitting
next to her gave a little chuckle and smirk when he saw
her pull out her Bible, and then he resumed perusing the
complimentary magazines. After awhile, he turned to her and
asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"

The lady replied, "Of course
I do. It's Scripture."

He said, "Well, what about that
guy who was swallowed by the whale?"

She replied, "Oh, you mean Jonah.
Yes, I believe that, it's in the Bible."

He asked, "Well, how do you suppose
he survived all that time inside the whale?"

The lady said, "Well, I don't
really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I'll ask him."

The photographer for a national
magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest
fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots,
so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

"It will be waiting for you at
the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small,
rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near
the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's
go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind
and soon they were in the air.

"Fly over the north side of the
fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low
level passes."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures!
I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!"
said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience.

After a long pause the pilot
said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

TopSubj: Two
Arabs And A Jew On A Plane (S103, S505b)
From: homeschooling.guide on 99-01-17 and
From: jbcary1 on 9/24/2006

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out
of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat,
the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off a fat,
little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to
the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and
was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I
think I'll go up and get a Coke." (Shuttle flights
do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.)

"No problem," said the Jew. "I'll
get it for you." While he was gone the Arab picked
up the Jew's shoe and spit in it. The Jew brought back
the coke, when the other Arab said "That looks good. Think
I'll have one too." Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it,
and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and
spits in it.

The Jew returns with the coke,
and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight.
When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes
and knew immediately what had happened. "How long
must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples...
this hatred... your spitting in my shoes and me pissing in
your Coke?"

Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the skies, Air defenses were up, with electronic
eyes. Combat pilots were nestled in
ready-room beds, As enemy silhouettes danced
in their heads.

Every jet on the apron, each
SAM in its tube, Was triply-redundant linked
to the Blue Cube, And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage
so dense, That nothing that flew could
slip through our defense.

When out of the klaxon arose
such a clatter, I dashed to the screen to see
what was the matter, I dialed up the gain and then
quick as a flash, Fine-adjusted the filters to
damp out the hash.

And there found the source of
the warning we'd heeded, An incoming blip, by eight escorts
preceded. "Alert status red!" went the
word down the wire, As we gave every system the
codes that meant "FIRE"!

On Aegis! Up Patriot, Phalanx
and Hawk! And scramble our fighters let's
send the whole flock! Launch decoys and missiles!
Use chaff by the yard! Get the kitchen sink up! Call
the National Guard!

They turned toward the target,
moved toward it, converged, Till the tracks on the radar
all finally merged, And the sky was lit up with
a demonic light, As the foe met his fate in the
high arctic night.

So we sent out some recon to
look for debris, Yet all that they found, both
on land and on sea, Were some toys, a red hat, a
charred left leather boot, Broken sleighbells, white hair,
and a deer's parachute.

Now it isn't quite Christmas,
with Saint Nick shot down. There are unhappy kids in each
village and town. For the Spirit of Christmas
can't hope to evade, All the web of defenses we've
carefully made.

Just look how the gadgets we
use to protect us, In other ways alter, transform,
and affect us. They keep us from things that
make life more worth living, Like love for each other, and
thoughts of just giving.

But a crash program's on: Working
hard, night and day, All the elves are constructing
a radar-proof sleigh. So let's wait for next Christmas,
in cheer and in health, For the future has hope: Santa's
coming by stealth!

On a British Airways flight from
Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African
lady had found herself sitting next to a black man. She
called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.

"What seems to be the problem,
Madam?" asked the attendant.

"Can't you see?" she said, "You've
sat me next to a kafir. I can't possibly sit next to
this disgusting human. Find me another seat!

"Please calm down, Madam." the
stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but
I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll go and check to see if
we have any seats available in club or first class."

The woman cocks a snooty look
at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many
of the surrounding passengers).

A few minutes later the stewardess
returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady,
who cannot help but look at the people around her with a
smug and self-satisfied grin.

"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected,
economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services
director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat
in first class." Before the lady has a chance to answer, the
stewardess continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind
of upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission
from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the
captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be forced
to sit next such an obnoxious person."

With that, she turned to the
black man and said, "So if you'd like to get your things, Sir,
I have your first class seat ready for you." At which
point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a standing ovation
while the man walked to the front of the plane..

While cruising at 40,000 feet,
the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window.

"Good lord!" he screamed, "one
of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats
and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked
by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the
other side.

The passengers were in a panic
now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just
then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode
from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing
to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most
of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot
calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed
several packages from under the seats and began handing
them to the flight attendants.

Each crew member attached the
package to their backs.

"Say," spoke up an alert passenger,
"aren't those parachutes?"

The pilot said they were.

The passenger went on, "But I
thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

"There isn't," replied the pilot
as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

During the "rush hour" at Houston's
Hobby Airport, my flight was delayed due to a mechanical
problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight,
the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance
crew worked on it. We were then told the new gate
number, which was some distance away.

Everyone moved to the new gate,
only to find that a third gate had been designated for
us. After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as
we were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard
announcement,

"We apologize for the inconvenience
of this last-minute gate change. This flight is
going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington,
D.C., then you should 'deplane' at this time."

A very confused-looking and red-faced
pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags.
"Sorry," he said, "wrong plane."

A passenger plane on a cross
the country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane
gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightening. The passengers
are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash
and they are all going to die.

At the height of the storm, a
young woman jumps up and exclaims, "I can't take this
anymore! I can't just sit here and die like an animal,
strapped into a chair. If I am going to die, let me die
feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make
me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up in the rear of
the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and
jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning
his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange
man approaches.

He removes his shirt. Muscles
ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends
the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
"Iron this. Then get me a beer."

A friend of a guy in the Nutrition
School at Tufts was one of the lucky passengers onboard
a Northwest Airlines flight to Boston during our recent
hurricane "Bob". The captain did his best to skirt the edge
of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same
- rough enough that the flight attendants were ordered
to strap themselves into their seats for about half an
hour, and many of the passengers were putting the
little plastic-lined bags in their seat pockets to good use.
When the turbulence finally abated, the flight attendants
unbuckled themselves, and the captain's voice came
on over the intercom.

"Well, folks, that was quite
some ride, wasn't it?' But we came through it fine, just
the way we always do, and I'm happy to report that it
looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer.
On behalf of myself and today's flight crew, I'd like
to thank you very much for your calmness and cooperation,
and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Boston.

(after a short pause and several
clicks)

"Jesus Christ - whadda bitchin'
ride! Boy - I sure could use a cup of good strong coffee
and a blow job, right about now"

As a stricken stewardess dashed
up the aisle to the cabin to inform the captain that his
intercom was still on, one of the passengers called after
her, "Don't forget the coffee!

A jumbo jet is just coming into
the Toronto Airport on it's final approach. The
pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain.
We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank
you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay
in Toronto".

He forgets to switch off the
intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation
from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well,
skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?"

"Well," says the skipper, "first
I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap.....
then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the
huge tits out for dinner. I'm gonna wine and dine her,
take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney
pony all night long."

Everyone on the plane hears this
and immediately begins looking up and down the isles
trying to get a look at the new stewardess. Meanwhile,
she is at the very back of the plane. She's so
embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit
to turn the intercom off.

Halfway down the aisle, she trips
over an old lady's bag and down she goes. The
old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's
gotta take a shit first."

During the final days at Denver's
old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was
cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of
inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger
pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on
the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight
and it has to be first class."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry,
sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to
help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work
something out."

The passenger was unimpressed.
He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could
hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate
agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
"May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice
bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger
here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone
can help him find his identity, please come to the
gate."

With the folks behind him in
line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United
agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F**k you."

Without flinching, she smiled
and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in
line for that, too."

The man retreated as the people
in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight
was cancelled and people were late, they were no longer angry
at United.... Snopes.com labeled the above
story a legend at their web site of http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/obnox.htm

A mother and her son were flying
TWA from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been looking
out the window) turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs
have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big
planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think
of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs
and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby
planes?"

The stewardess asked, "Did your
mother tell you to ask me?" He said that she had.
So she said, "Tell your mother that TWA always pulls out on time.
Your mother can explain it to you."

TopSubj: Man
Goes To Bathroom On A Plane (S229)
From: pns on 6/18/2001

A man on a plane needed to go
to the GENTS but every time he went, there was someone else
using it. After a while the flight attendant noticed his
predicament and suggested he use the LADIES, but not to touch
the buttons mounted on the wall.

He went in, took his seat and
looking around the cubicle, he saw buttons marked thus:
COMFORT PANEL
(WW)
(WA)
(PP) (ATR) After a while his curiosity
got the better of him, so he pressed (WW) and warm water
washed his bottom. This was a marvellous idea, so he pressed
(WA) and warm air rushed out and dried his bottom.
Not to be outdone, he decided to press (PP) and out came a powder
puff and powdered his bottom. He thought the
ladies really had it made for them so he pressed (ATR) and promptly
passed out.

Waking up later in hospital,
he asked the nurse what happened and she said: "You pressed the
(ATR) button, which means Automatic Tampon Remover, your
penis is under your pillow and your balls are in the bucket
under the bed!"

A man and a woman are sitting
next to each other in an airplane. All of a sudden, the
man sneezes powerfully. He takes out his handkerchief,
opens his zipper, takes out his willy and after having
carefully wiped it, puts it back in and closes his zipper.

The woman is shocked--but she
thinks it wiser to not say anything about it.

There is a second sneeze, as
loud as the first one. The same routine is followed: zipper
open, willy out, wiping, willy in, and zipper closed.
The woman is almost sick but she just tries to ignore
the whole thing.

After the third sneeze (and the
routine) she cannot help but ask: "Excuse me, sir, but
you have now sneezed three times. And after each
time you have taken out your penis and wiped it. May I inquire
why?"

One night, a Delta twin-engine
puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey.
There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan,
Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie.

Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator
exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and
the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The
cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have
good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about
to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there
are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With
that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet
in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest
athlete. The world needs great athletes.
I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!"
With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining
parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the
night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen,
I am the world's smartest man. The world
needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should
have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie
looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke.
"My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life
and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment.
You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I
will go down with the plane."

TopSubj: Doctor
And Minister On A Plane
From: humorlist-digest V1 #184 on 97-08-28

An elderly doctor and a Presbyterian
minister were seated next to each other on the plane.
The plane was delayed at the start due to some technical
problems. Just after taking off, the pilot offered his apologies
to the passengers and announced that a round of free
drinks would be served.

When the charming air-hostess
came round with the trolley, the doctor ordered a gin and
tonic for himself. The hostess then asked the minister whether
he wanted anything. He replied, "Oh no, thank
you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol".

The elderly doctor promptly handed
back his gin and tonic to the air-hostess said, "Madam,
I did not know there was a choice."

This nine second video
is amazing. My military expert, Gilbert, explained to me that
this picture was NOT amazing. He said "It's a sub missile
launch with a jet picture super imposed over the missile.
Sorry I got taken by another internet fake.