Your Blogging Staff

Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.

Wow - sometimes this blog amazes me. I just got an email from the son of my former teacher. Remember a few weeks back when we all spent the night posting about former teachers? Well, he did a web search on his dad's name and came up with my post. Even though his dad is gone now, he said his dad "would be happy to know his students remember him fondly."

Thanks, Dave, for giving us the opportunity and the place to do that. :-)

*smacks Edgar*
Med- -I missed you the other night, but I was going to say that more important than what the school @ss-ministration does is what YOU do. Your kids will see how you handle this and pattern their own reactions to stressfull situations after yours. So action and anger, balanced with humor and your obvious mad wrestling skills, will get you AND them thru. Because it ain't just the school @ss-ministration - lots of areas of life are plugged with arseholes. Your kids need the life skills to kick butt deal with it.

"The transvestites allegedly struck the manager with a tire iron, and when he swung back, the drag queens took off their stiletto boots, removed their earrings and prepared to attack. The manager, Albert Bolton, was covered with scratch marks after suspects clawed him with their fingernails. Bolton grabbed a pot of scalding french-fry grease and hurled it at his attackers. One of the cross-dressers then smacked Bolton with a wet floor sign."

If there is a God in heaven, the surveillance video WILL be up on YouTube by midnight.

La la la la la is a strong position. I want to do something different, but that last 'la' is tough to get around. Helping to put 20th Century infrastructure into Mesopotamia would be cool. On the other hand I explained remote-control fishing to my boss, today, and it got his attention. I also offered him a chance to buy into my fish farm.

Everbody is all freaked out because a big wig is touring the offices and slinging her axe on Thursday. Honestly, a year ago I would have slept with her, but that's a lot of work and cg would kill me. She is not at all understanding about these things.

Mr. gjd is asking what we're talking about. Have you ever tried to explain any of the blog conversations to "outsiders"? I talk and *snork* and they stare at me wondering who these people are that I'm talking about.

Sweet dreams, gjd. and yes, I have tried to 'splain my snorkage.... to blank stares and rolling eyeballs. I gave up. Just wait 'til you fly 2000 miles to meet your blogpals. Or planning a vacation to Wyoming next summer to meet wyo and mrs. wyo, fish, hunt, ride, etc. Try 'splainin' that. I gave up and accepted it.

"Embrace the weirdness." And do what I do: be thankful for the amazing, intelligent, wonderful blogsters. and dave. and especially judy.

Med - I was kidding about the fake tan - ellie accused me of being one of the transv who whomped on the McD guy. My photo link at 10:58 showed the transv perps to be on the dark side of the family. NTTAWWT.
Fake tan - lots wrong with that. Ick.

1: Why did you say 'Bunny'?
2: I panicked.
1: Perhaps it's from the zoo.
2: Which zoo?
1: How should I know which zoo, I'm not Doctor Bloody
Bernovski.
2: How would Doctor Bernovski know which zoo it was from?
1: He knows everything.
2: Hmmm. I wouldn't like that. That would take all the mystery out of life.

WayneHere, yes, indeedy. "Keep Austin Weird" is the unofficial slogan of the city, after all. Leslie likes to hang out downtown by the courthouse steps, where the judges, lawyers, and various plaintiffs and litigants have to go right by him to enter the building.

My first job was working for a professional landscaping service. I was 16 and wanted a playstation.

I was 23 before I ever wanted anything again.

You see, I live in Florida. It is HOT here.
And me, being the stocky little fella that I am, I was the guy that got to haul gravel in the wheelbarrel. And shovel the gravel into and out of the blasted wheelbarel.

I did this for about 3 days and I passed out from heat exhaustion. On the asphalt.
I decided that I didn't need that job very badly.
Not worth risking my life for minimum wage.
Ever since then, I watch myself when I'm in the sun.
And, being the stocky (bigger) fella that I am now, I have no fear of telling anyone exactly how I feel about them telling me to "work harder".

"You can shut the *%&$ up before I beat you senseless."

And I'll tell the boss that.
I won't risk my life for minimum wage.
And I'll beat the crap out of anyone who thinks I should.
Thanks for reading.
8>

Something weird is going on in Tennessee- first a guy shooting traffic lights, now this! Think the Earth's Weirdness Magnetic field is shifting? CJ? Can you please give us a dissertation on that so we can NOT read it? BTW- I'm in agreement with crossgirl- La la la la la.

Darwin put up a particularly hard fight today- I'm all tuckered out. One of the highlights of the night was playing "What's grosser than gross?" with one of my colleagues with things that really happened to us. He won twice, and once was not even work-related. I'm still gagging a little over that one.

So Rob (my friend at work who is also a physician) had to borrow his brother's car for a while. Apparently, Rob's brother, like many people, picks his nose in the car. However, instead of disposing of the results of his efforts in a sanitary and less disgusting way, Rob discovered that his brother uses the underside of the seat. So whenever he reaches under the seat to get the phone or adjust the seat, etc., Rob says his arm was getting scratched by dried products of his brother's efforts. He even tried to get the car detailed but they couldn't even scrape it off.

That was the disgusting NON work related one that makes me laugh.

The work one was a very heavy woman who required a pelvic exam for medical reasons. She was bleeding heavily, so when Rob was performing the exam and had turned to the nurse to ask for something, some of the blood splashed into his open mouth. The patient was unaware of this turn of events, so imagine her surprise when her physician suddenly ran to the head of the bed and began violently vomiting into a trash can near her head.

those were the best two by far. The second one is gross but I just think is funny because it didn't happen to me. If you knew Rob, you could TOTALLY see it happening to him. The first one was so gross that the other doc had to step away from the conversation because he had already heard it and just couldn't listen to it again. I thought I threw up in my mouth a little. YUCK!

I'll let it go at that. I am so glad I'm not a real doctor of anything involving biological functions. I can deal with family members I'm responsible for, but everyone else just makes me barfy. I really need to look at getting a new handle since there are real doctors in here.

Back on the original story: I think I see a solution here. Wet floor signs are obviously a hazard and should be banned. End the violence! Think of the children! We could take it one step further...if there were no mops or water, one would not need a wet floor sign. I see major change in our future. Someone must take responsibility and outlaw these dangers.

Jazzzie, I'm waiting for the more motivated bloggals to get here with the customary danish, eggs, bacon (the candy of meats), etc. I'm not moving very well yet. But the coffee is cooking, so give me a minute...