Taking a Gamble on Finding Happiness…

Bear hugs, broken hearts, and falling off the wagon…

Happy Saturday.

There were no Ask Roulette questions this week so you get to just listen to me ramble on today about how my week ended up and how I just keep doing the same stupid shit (or pondering doing the same stupid shit). So if you don’t want a repeat of this next Saturday, go ahead and ask some questions!! (Because I’ve vowed to blog every day this year)….

I’ve had kind of a bizarre week. I met a guy the other night who, like off the record, was also from Memphis. Weird right? We hung out at my little bar around the corner for a few hours drinking and even dancing. Which was only halfway awkward because there really is no place to dance in the bar but we made it work. Also, we were dancing to salsa music, which was another fun sight considering they usually just play trap music and old-school R&B in the place. Either way, it was fun. We exchanged numbers. We’ve chatted since then. But, again, he doesn’t live here and he will be leaving soon to go home so I’m definitely not jumping at the opportunity to actually really like him.

But you know who does live here? Unboyfriend… I can’t even link to a blog because he’s been the star of so many it would just be easier to re-cap. I met a guy on a dating site 3 years ago. As fate would have it, he turned out to be my neighbor (like 2 blocks away). We used to see each other a lot….like…a whole lot. A couple times a week. Until I decided that it was no good for me and it was going nowhere fast. So I stopped seeing him. But like anyone who has ever quit smoking or stopped eating junk food, sometimes I backslide. It happens somewhere between his persistence, my loneliness, and tequila. I had been doing really well. I didn’t care to see him because although we get along just fine and have only had one little (couldn’t really even be called an) argument in the whole time we’ve known each other, we don’t have much in common. And so I’ve been keeping my distance. And I’ve been ridiculously successful. I’m talking months and months and months of not seeing him. Until the other night. I was weak and buzzed and ended up around the corner taking one shot too many and spending the night. I blame off the record (because he broke my heart and I don’t know what to do with myself because I can’t and won’t call him). And oddly enough, it was nice. I’m not filled with self-loathing or regret or anything. He’s single. I’m single (despite my best efforts). And we know each other well enough to understand the situation. I did remember why I always find myself back over there though. And it has absolutely nothing to do with the sex or the conversation. It has to do with the sleeping. I mean, it used to have to do with the sex, but for some reason that became lackluster. The sleeping, however, is always the best part. Assuming that I fall asleep first and don’t have all that snoring in my ear. He’s a bear hugger. Which is like ten steps above a cuddler. Cuddlers will hold you but they may roll over a time or two during the night and then you have to chase them across the bed and snuggle up to their back. Unboyfriend is not like that at all. He just bear hugs. And then he stays there until the alarm goes off.

I’m not usually one to care about feeling protected or secure. Those things don’t really make a difference to me in the big scheme of things, but when someone is holding you tight and you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you can safely sleep because they have you wrapped up in their safety net, it’s a really good night’s sleep.

So I backpedaled and spent the night with unboyfriend the other night. And it was nice. Even if it was stupid. It’s not the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. Or even considered doing. And I got a good night’s rest. So there’s that. But now I will probably go back to keeping my distance, because like I said, the chemistry from the early days has been long gone so it’s kind of pointless.