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So my fiancé asked his best friend to be our best man months ago and he and his wife were totally on board.. They had been talking about how excited they are, etc. We asked everyone close to 2 years prior to our wedding date and we made it perfectly clear, multiple times, that we know this is a lot to ask and if they did not want to commit or spend the money then we have no hard feelings at all. Well, the best man has still not put his deposit down and keeps saying vague comments like "as long as "this" happens we will be there" but has not said they will not attend. Each time we ask they say they are coming but then say stuff like this. What would you think? How long do you wait before you assume they wo n't come? We really do understand, but we need to know so my fiancé can ask someone else to stand up with him. How would you handle this?

It's frustrating but there is only so much you can do. Maybe your fiance can have a hear to heart with him or you will just need to wait until the deadline to know forsure?

My fiance is dealing with a similar issue. One of his groomsmen actually lives in Mexico (lucky fella is a Canadian but works from home in Mexico). All was good for awhile, then he got more distant. My fiance asked if he would be staying on the resort for the week, gave all the TA info to get into the resort and nothing... won't even return an email. Fiance finally asked him if he was going to still be a part of the wedding because they have outfits to buy (fiance would have to get his here in Canada to match them, needs sizes, etc.) and nothing... won't respond. Fiance picked a deadline and after that he will tell him he had to choose someone else. Sucks and hope it doesn't come to that, but it's also highly rude to completely ignore him when you have already committed to being in it. It's one thing if you just politely back out, but the ignore him -- repeatedly?

Anyways sorry got on a rant there.

It's the name of the game, unfortunately, but I guess I felt the people who agreed to stand up for you would be the most certain they would go.

Edited July 31, 2014 by calgarybride2015

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That's exactly what our best man did! ! and Monday was cut off so I went and saw our TA to make sure our BP had booked. . and he was the only one who hadn't so FI called him and he gave a bunch of excuses and what ifs as well...so he's out and FI is disappointed. ..he said he was100% in no matter wht he would be there and then didn't have courtesy to call and tell him

Edited July 31, 2014 by MJTK

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Tough situation. My MOH found out she was pregnant 10 mos before the wedding and she is unable to attend. We are still awaiting 4 ppl from our BP to book (deadlines in Aug). At this point in time I've been disappointed by so many guest making excuses that I can cut anyone out. I can't stress over who will be there as long as he meets me at the alter. I had to replace my MOH and my friend who is taking her spot was suppose to undergo invitro treatment but she has put it on hold until after the wedding.

My advice: I think just telling him to let you know if he will be in attendance because it's unfair for you and your FI to wait on his decision. I'm all about deadlines.

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This is exactly what I don't want to happen! Its just frustrating to me because personally I would never commit to travel this far and be in someone's wedding if I was not sure I would be able to do it. We would rather him have just told us no up front, so we can ask someone else and plan. Our deadline for down payment is Sept 1st. All other wedding party has made their deposit so its just hanging on him. I haven't brought it up in awhile and will just wait until the deadline to make any decisions. But I do feel its rude to make us wait until the last minute when he knows we are counting on him. Ugh. turned into a vent! Thanks ladies!

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Sometimes the hardest thing to do is ask a difficult question. Maybe when you see him you can have a check list and be talking out loud about checking things off...get to confirm wedding party...and Viola...you can say, hey, are you in or out. It's not going to be easy, no matter how you do it. Good luck!