Do you know where Lee Greenwood will be performing on the 4th of July? Because there couldn’t possibly anywhere more American to be on Saturday, right?

-Planet Earth

Glad you asked, P.E. You’re absolutely right. And wouldn’t you know it… Lee Greenwood will be performing in Norfolk, one mile from my apartment Saturday night. Bam. How do ya like them apples?

True story: We once put “God Bless the USA” on the jukebox at High Park in Raleigh, and the whole place erupted in a sing-along with people jumping up on tables and fist-pumping simultaneously. None of it was rehearsed, we didn’t even know anyone else in the bar, but I was convinced I was in a Corky St. Clair-directed musical for a minute. It was awesome.

Look, I’m sorry. This video is gross. There’s no way around it. It’s taken from a sewer camera under Cameron Village in Raleigh. I have friends that used to live across the street from Cameron Village and now live only blocks away. We buy beer at the Harris Teeter in Cameron Village all the time. And, the kicker, I may be moving down there soon. So this shit (not trying to be profane, this is literally shit we’re talking about) freaks me out.

What the hell is happening in the Raleigh sewers? Monsters? Aliens? Can someone please get David Duchovny down there ASAP? I mean, I try not to be an alarmist overreactor, but my god man, what in the holy terror of a hell is this???

Seriously, if you live in Raleigh area, be on the lookout for something like this trying to sit on your face in the near future:

So I saw The Hangover this weekend and, in short, it’s really really funny. I laughed many many times. However, the funniest part of the movie was the 65 year-old woman who was sitting in front of my brother and me and fell asleep and started snoring and got slapped awake by her friend.

The Lankster believes The Hangover might be the funniest film of all time. I don’t agree, but it definitely has as many laughs per minute as any movie in the last couple years. And there were a lot of lines I missed because everyone was laughing so loud, so it could be even funnier than I am currently aware of.

The thing that keeps it down a notch in my book is that the script seems like a couple of dudes had a concept, and then just got drunk and sat around coming up with a bunch of random shit that could happen to the characters. Fair enough, because, as I mentioned above, it made me laugh quite a bit. And I’m still quoting it, yada yada yada. But the story doesn’t really work toward anything worth taking away from it. There isn’t a cohesive whole. That doesn’t keep it from being funny; it just keeps it from ranking up there with films like Superbad or The 40 Year-Old Virgin, to name a couple recent Apatow-Universe instant classics.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying a comedy needs to have a moral to the story, or people have to make big changes in their life, etc. For me, it just elevates the funny moments and makes the film more memorable if I feel there’s something whole there, and not just a collection of funny moments. Even when those moments come in great quantity, such as in The Hangover.

One thing this movie does have going for it that most others don’t is Zach Galifianakis. He was about 94.3% of the reason I was excited to see the movie and hopefully now he’ll become a household name. Or, at least, a more common dorm room name. Though, I’m not sure he would really want the celebrity. Point is, he’s one of the funniest and most interesting entertainers around today and it would be a shame for you not to be well-acquainted with his stuff.

SO…here is an absolute barrage of ZG material for your face. Needless to say, this stuff is not appropriate for children or most places of work. Or a dog kennel.

Here’s a segment from his Live at the Purple Onion DVD, which, by the way, is totally worth your 60 minutes and $15….

Zach doing some characters, from the same DVD…

From the Comedians of Comedy documentary, one of my favorite Zach moments. Seriously, watch this whole thing…

Berating an audience member at the good ole’ Cat’s Cradle in Carrboro…

For some reason, Absolut Vodka thought it would be a good idea to hire Zach to do an ad campaign. He agreed, but only if they gave him money up front and then let him do whatever the hell he wanted with it. Here’s part one of the resulting three-part series of “ads”…

Zach on The Michael Showalter Showalter. Showalter is another person whose comedy you should be terribly interested in…

Zach interviewing Michael Cera on his show, Between Two Ferns. Which takes place between two ferns…

Yes, I’ve pimped Dan Deacon before. And yes, I’m going to do it again, because every now and then you realize a song has magical powers and you’d be selfish not to let as many people know as possible. That’s right, Dan Deacon’s “Slow With Horns / Run for Your Life” has magical powers over me. I cannot believe the world is anything less than pure kickass when I hear it.

For example, I had to go to work on my day off last night. Totally felt like Dante from Clerks. So, I was trying to close up shop at the B&N cafe, and it had already been a day filled with obnoxious customers, when this little chunk comes up and orders three frappuccinos five minutes before we lock the doors.

[Brief sidenote. I was going to try to find a picture to post here that represented this girl, who could not have been more than eleven years old or less than 180 pounds. Bad idea. Whatever you do, do not perform a google image search for “fat girl”. Especially if the family filter is off. Yeeeesh.]

Anyway, we make this girl’s drinks and send her away with two minutes to spare. One minute later, she comes back up, ‘tude to the brim, proclaiming that her frap isn’t thick enough.

“Oh, did you want it as thick as you?” I asked.

“What???” She questioned, indignant.

“I said, ‘Would you like me to remake it for you?'”

“Oh, yes. Please. And also, I want a banana chocolate smoothie.”

Not the biggest deal in the world, I know. It was just a capper to an annoying evening and I just wanted to finish closing, get home, and pass out.

But then I got in my car and “Slow With Horns…” came on, and I defy anyone to think life sucks if you’ve got this track turned up loud. Thanks Dan-O.