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DEADLINE: Send all names to me at contests@sound-bender-world.com, by April 19th. Limit two names per contestant.

Hello friends, fellow Romans, compatriots and loyal readers.

I know we’ve promised you results of the first contest, the “Alien Voice,” one. They’re coming soon, I swear it!

But in the meantime, here’s a simple and fantastic contest, which promises a reward unlike any other.

We are just finishing up our revisions for SOUND BENDER: The Immortal Underground, but we need just a touch of help. For the life of us, we can’t come up with a name for this one character! We’ve tried a hundred different names, but nothing sticks.

DEADLINE: Send all names to me at contests@sound-bender-world.com, by April 19th. Limit two names per contestant.

So this is your chance to be a part of book. Here’s the contest:

We provide a brief description of the nameless character in question, you come up with a name. That’s it! The winning name will be published in the real book. Really. But that’s not your only prize for winning.

You’ll also get:

A framed and signed manuscript page where the character is first mentioned.

In the acknowledgments section of the REAL BOOK, we’ll thank you personally for your help. Sound good?

You guys have to work fast. The deadline for submitting a name is April 19th. You may only submit two names. Not three or a hundred. You can send your names to our contest email, which is contests@sound-bender-world.com, or you can also post them here in the comments section (but no naughty language!) Also, if you want to say why you think that name works, or if it has any significance, feel free. But remember, no real names.

YOUR CHARACTER: Your John Doe is a hard-nose reporter for the New York local news. You know, one of those guys who’s always making those reports about crooked mechanics, slumlords, or city-hall intrigue. One of those reporters that’s always banging on someone’s door at six in the morning to get a comment. The type of really hyper reporter who would do a story about how WWF wrestling is all faked, and then badger a bunch of pro-wrestlers until one them grabs him by the neck and throws him across the room (there really was a reporter who tried that, and he really did get grabbed by the neck and tossed across the room.) Get the idea? We’ve got the character all finished, we just a name for him. GO GO GO.

DEADLINE: Send all names to me at contests@sound-bender-world.com, by April 19th. Limit two names per contestant.

DEADLINE: Send all pictures to me at contests@sound-bender-world.com, by May 15th.

This contest is a bit easier than the last one, but still a challenge.

The rules of the Record Rush are simple: we post a picture of a strange record with a category, and then it is your job to find one like it. Once you have secured such a record, send us photo proof of your find to win prizes. Here’s an example:

Category: Eye Patch

Skill Level: EXPERT

Your Mission: Find a record cover with a man or a woman wearing an eye patch.

Prizes: (1) A unique and one of a kind blue audograph disc recorded especially for you. Signed hardcover copy of Sound Bender 1, plus an early copy of Sound Bender 2. Sound Bender T-Shirt.

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Clear? You don’t have to find this exact record, just one with an eye patch!

Now you might be thinking, where would I find such a record? You can find all of these records for no more than $2 at places such as: swap meats, flea markets, rummage sales, record stores, book stores, garage sales, church sales, thrift stores, old radio stations, antique malls, the dump. Records are everywhere! You just have to look.

Now this might seem like a lot of time to spend, but those are all fun places to go. And when you go to places like flea markets and old book stores, you might find adventure. You’ll at least find something totally unexpected. Gotta be better than staying in the house, right?

DEADLINE: Send all pictures to me at contests@sound-bender-world.com, by May 15th.

All right, ready? Oh, and by the way, the EYE PATCH challenge is real. So get looking with both eyes.

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Category: Stock Photo Covers

Skill Level: BEGINNER

Your Mission: Find a record with a stock photography cover.

Background: Way back in the day, before you could post your music on youtube or wherever it’s cool now, you had to have a record contract in order to put your music out there. Or did you? For those musicians who were either rejected by the major record labels, or just didn’t want to try, there were dozens of dozens of places that would press a custom record for you. You took them a tape of your tunes, they gave you a few options for the cover and asked you how many copies you wanted, you paid them some $$$, and they gave you your very own record. Sort of like those places in the mall where you can make your own music videos — do they still even have those?!

So the deal was, they only had a few cover options for you to chose from. They were generally these really boring pictures of forests or rivers mountains, or the country side, or rainbows and so on. Then you would get to put your own title on it. Here’s an example of one stock photo cover, but nine different records:

So how will I know if/when I find one? You’ll know. If the cover has a picture of a generic landscape with a band you’ve never heard of, you’ve found it. Collect em all.

Stock covers are pretty easy to find. There’s at least one in every thrift store in the country. You just gotta get out of your room!

Prizes: 2 Sound Bender pins. 1 mini artifact to be determined…

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Category: Barking Dog Records

Skill Level: INTERMEDIATE

Your Mission: Find a barking dog record.

Background: People are a little paranoid. Back in the day, before alarm systems, people would buy these records that had nothing but the sounds of a giant dog barking angrily? Why? They thought it might deter people from breaking into their house. Who knows if they ever worked. But lots of people sure bought barking dog records.

There were tons and tons of different barking dog records. Find one, like Sebastian here:

SO, this site has been dormant for a bit — we were writing book 2 in the Sound Bender Saga — but we’re back.

We’re going to let the alien voice contest extend until April 1st — because although Sound Bender came out last November — it only came out in the book clubs last month or so (right?). So we’re giving you more time to submit your best, and we’ll post the top five on April 1st.

We love movies about aliens. We love them even if the aliens usually look a lot like humans. If the aliens don’t look like humans, then they look like giant bugs, or giant aquatic animals — basically, they usually look animals we already have here on Earth.

Your challenge is to create an alien voice, and have it say a sentence. It can be any type of voice from any type of alien. But try to go beyond what you can imagine. We want to hear voices that make us sit up, and go “woah, that’s gotta be from the Andromeda galaxy.” If we on Earth are ever so lucky to hear a real alien voice, it probably won’t sound like anything we already hear on Earth. It’ll probably sound completely different — it’ll probably sound completely alien!

To compete, please create a voice and send it to us. Your sound file must be a minimum of two seconds in length, and no more than twenty seconds long. You may use any means available to you to make this voice. Be as creative as you can possibly be.

Please send your submission to contests@sound-bender-world.com, by midnight December 11th. We will choose one winner, and three runners up. The winner will receive a two signed books, a Sound Bender T-Shirt, and a mysterious artifact of our choosing. The winner and the runner ups will all have their projects posted on our site, so everyone can know how awesome you are.

There are three types of sounds solid objects make. First, two objects can smack into each other make a “hit” sound, like a drum stick hitting a drum. Second, two objects can slide rub against each other and make a sliding sound, like that screeching sound your fork makes on your plate. Last, an object can make a ringing sound, like a bell.

In human language, we also make three types of sounds. We can make hit sounds like the letters “b,” “k,” and “p.” We can make sliding sounds like the letters “f,” “z” or a “w.” And we can make ringing sounds — those are the vowels.

Our language sounds a lot like solids objects make in nature because our brains are familiar with those sounds.

Now think about what kind of world your alien lives in. If it lived in a liquid world, for example, then most of its sounds would be sliding sounds and ringing sounds.

Also think about this: most of the sounds we make when talk to each other are not words at all! There’s lots of “ums,” and “ahs” and breaths and snorts and laughs and all sorts of things we don’t notice most of the time. Listen to people talking, but don’t listen to the words.

Your alien does not have to be a humanoid, or even resemble an animal at all. There could be all different types of life out there. Your alien could be a cloud of energy four light years long, or a swarm of microscopic bugs with a group mind. Be bold.

There’s plenty of other things to think about, but you’ll have to think about them for yourself! Now get experimenting.