I have a beef with the dog food companies that put out all meat, no grain dog foods and I want to get information out to the general public so to hopefully inform those who think this is a good thing to feed their pets.

The thing is, that wild animals do not feed only on meat. They also eat the very long intestines of herbivores – animals that eat grains and carbohydrates in the form of grasses, fruits, etc. People who have pets should know this regarding the dog food companies who are trying to get over on them.

I hope that anyone who reads this, will copy it and post it on their blogs because this information needs to get out to the general public.

I just heard on the news that I-80 is going to be ‘worked on’ around Keystone Ave to Robb Drive, Reno, Nevada and I just want to let you know that…

There’s nothing wrong with that piece of the interstate!

Nothing at all wrong with it. NOTHING!!!!!!!!

I can’t believe that you are going to spend a bucket load of money on a road that has nothing wrong with it while Highway 395, which carries a ton of traffic into, though, and around Reno, is totally falling apart.

This is unconscionable. As a tax payer I am going on the warpath over this. I’m going to e-mail all my friends and tell them what you are planning to do. Several of them are government connected. One works for the republicans. I am also going to post this on my blog.

Last Saturday, my friend gave me the business. She said she wanted us to go to San Diego on a trip. I said “Save your money”. But after hearing this she got very indignant with me. She was she was expecting me to pay for the whole trip myself because she is on disability and has hardly any money. I could hardly believe what she was saying to me but the thing is, I can’t come out and say; “No”. I’ve never been able to say that in my life (because of living with my father who was a malignant narcissist). But this was too much. I got very tongue tied and tried to wangle my way out of it by saying that, though she wasn’t trying to use me, I had a hard time even smelling the idea of being used. What a crock! I thought; “If I go for this, I’m going to get a resentment as big as a house”. I was determined not to do it. She tried to manipulate me through humiliation saying that street people would give the shirts off their backs to help someone else out. She said that she expected me to be ‘better’ after 38 years sober. I squeaked out a response saying; “Your expectations of me are too high”.

I was so extremely freaked out by the whole business that I completely lost my bearings. I lost my Costco card at the gas station; something I’ve never done before with any of my credit cards. My driving was scary and when I went to drop her off, I ran over the curb. She chocked it up to the bipolar disorder (I’m actually schizo-effective) and I didn’t disagree with her. I just couldn’t let the same conversation come up again.

So, when I got home, I wrote her this letter. Here it is:

Friend (I don’t want to use her name)

I’m writing this letter to you because I can’t say it in person. All my life I’ve been chicken when it comes to conflict and it hasn’t changed much with sobriety. I’ve told you before I’m not well yet and this may never happen. Your expectations of me are too high. I can keep a secret and I’m super responsible to the best of my ability but this is an area that I’ve not gotten relieved of. Step 4’s haven’t helped much with this character defect either. All they’ve done is shown me what’s wrong with me and it’s up to God to do the fixing – which apparently He hasn’t decided to do yet. Praying about it hasn’t helped. I’m still like a deer in headlights when it comes to conflict in relationships.

So, here it is.

I feel humiliated when I am being compared to other people who would give you the skin off their backs even if they don’t have much to give. I’m not like that. I’m me, not you or them. Me. And I felt usage coming at me because I didn’t want to pay for both of us to go to San Diego. When this came at me with such vigor I was simply – speechless. That is why I got so out-of-it. I was feeling humiliated with a sense of being potentially used.

The thing is, I didn’t even really want to go to San Diego but I was willing to go and pay my own way anyway. But being asked to pay for both of us (probably a couple of thousand dollars) was more than I could take, especially when I didn’t really have that much impetus to go.

So then, I felt usage coming at me. If this was not usage I would like to know what you think constitutes that.

If this makes you mad enough not to pay me back for helping you get into your place, then so be it. But all I can say is, if you are going to take this as an excuse not to pay me, than you’re just proving my point.

If you are so mad at me for this then maybe we should just avoid each other. I hope this isn’t the case but if you want to then that would me ok with me. But I’m sending you these envelops to pay me by mail if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore.

And, by the way, though you may think of me as being ‘made of money’, you can forget that idea. The truth is Jerry and I scraped for eight years to be able to pay cash for our kitchen because we don’t believe in going into debt. And as for my inheritance all I can say is that that was a gift from God. It all went to pay for the two houses and so, without having to deal with the mortgages, it gave Jerry the room to retire early because of his health. He was so sick that he’d used up all his sick leave and vacation time and they were going to get him into FMLA (family medical leave act) to help him out. Things were impossible for him.

So there it is. This is why I was acting so crazy that day. I felt like a deer in headlights. Like I was going to be run over.

I’ve given up trying to get the right color for our very dark hallway. I was trying to go for a golden yellow color with a hint of green but I kept shooting past the mark. First it was too green and dark, then too yellow. Now it’s too white. I’m mixing cans of paint together and I have about six tints to choose from along with a gallon of pure white.

I’m getting Jerry involved…… FINALLY! I need help!!!!

So I’ve let go of the whole business and turned it over to him. So we put some paint on the walls and the same hew looked like three different colors in three different spots in the hallway. It’s just plain crazy!

I’m going crazy!!!!

Eventually I’m going to have to go to the last ditch resort. I’m going to pray to God to give me some insight about how to proceed. Imagine that, getting God involved. I know he knows the exact color we need. I just have to have faith that he will help.

I really think this marriage can be salvaged from the wreck it has become now that both of us are working on it.

Yesterday Jerry and I had our couples therapy session and some interesting things came up that I think were helpful for us.

The first thing was about accepting compliments. I said that I was beginning to fall back in love with Jerry now that he’s quit yelling at me all the time. But when I said this, he completely walked over it by saying that he felt badly about being sick and so not being able to take care of ‘man chores’ around the house. The therapist caught this and brought it to his attention after which he said he agreed with her assessment. He felt sure I was disgusted with him for this when what was going on was that he was feeling disgusted with himself. The thing is, he was basically punishing me for thinking I felt the same way he felt about himself when I was feeling just the opposite. In other words, his thoughts overrode my thoughts. This is like him. He believes his thoughts are the only ones that count for anything. I believe though that this therapist can call him out for doing this and I also believe he can hear it from her.

The second thing was about him needing to leave if I went off on him, just the way I was supposed to do when he went off on me (which I have actually put my foot down on in that department – so – no more). Now that he’s not yelling so I can easily point the finger, I’m seeing myself spurn him for things he does that irritate, frighten, or frustrate me. This I know has got to stop, and I am going to diligently work on it. I do want to show him how much love I have for him again now that there’s no more yelling, I’m also picking up on a love vibe from him toward me as well (I hope).

Finally, we are going to revamp our very strict budget to allow for some of our savings to be put aside every month for vacations and fun and not just keep saving only for house remodeling. We need have a little ‘together fun’ in our lives.

And that’s what we learned in therapy.

PS – I super like this therapist; much more than the last one we had who only kept saying I should know that Jerry loved me. With her the yelling didn’t seem to count and so was never addressed even though I brought it up numerous times. Many people downplay verbal abuse. They think, since it’s not physical, it’s no big deal. IT’S A BIG DEAL!!!! as anyone who is experiencing it will tell you. All I can say is – take them seriously. Being constantly yelled at can undermine one’s self-esteem. After a while it can make you feel that you are worth nothing to anyone. This is a huge burden to carry.

So far I’ve wasted 4 gallons of very expensive paint and I’m still not getting the color I’m looking for. It’s so frustrating and discouraging. This painting should be left to the experts. I watch Chip and Joanna Gaines of the TV show Fixer Upper. She gets her colors right the very first time. I wonder how long it took her to get to be such a color connoisseur. It’s HARD to do this. How many of you feel the same way. So frustrating – and expensive! So far it’s cost about $200 with nothing to show for it.

Well I got a real surprise yesterday. Jerry and I were beginning to paint our kitchen when I walked away to do something. When I came back, Jerry was mixing and pouring paint on the cardboard in front of the wall we were going to paint.

Well, I had a hairy. If the paint was mixed and poured on the sight, there were bound to be paint drippings on the cardboard; we would step in these drippings then spread them all over the rest of our brand new kitchen floor.

I screamed at him;

What are you doing??!!

Stop doing that!!

You’re going to get paint all over the place!!!.

I SCREAMED at him! Here I’m telling him that he can’t scream at me anymore and I just did the same thing myself. Though I apologized to him profusely later on, it seems I have some work to do on myself too.

]]>https://climbthewell.com/2018/05/05/5-5-2018/feed/0anonymousonetooronaldreagan2-2xMatthew Loomis talks about how to write a great bloghttps://climbthewell.com/2018/04/30/matthew-loomis-talks-about-how-to-write-a-great-blog/
https://climbthewell.com/2018/04/30/matthew-loomis-talks-about-how-to-write-a-great-blog/#respondMon, 30 Apr 2018 20:19:54 +0000http://climbthewell.wordpress.com/?p=6826Continue reading →]]>Here is the whole article I’ve written a summary of

How far someone reads down your blog post greatly depends on the power of your first sentence.

Start with a question

Ideally, the question should communicate the subject matter of your article in a way that makes them want to find out the answer.

A compelling quote
(plus a picture)

A fascinating story

There are no rules when it comes to your opening story, but you may want to keep it short. Relatively short depending on the size of your blog; most preferably not more than a paragraph or two. It can be real or fictional; it all comes down to you. Starting your blog with a story generates curiosity and promotes engagement. One compelling story can turn a boring post into an exciting post.

Open with an attention-grabbing statistic

If you are not sure of the exact number, use adverbs like “nearly,” “more than,” “less than,” “approximately” and so on.

Say something surprising

Saying something unexpected at the beginning of your post that grabs the reader’s attention by disrupting their way of thinking. A surprise makes the reader curious and hungry for more. You don’t have to quote a fun fact, like in this case. You can opt to tell your readers something about your personal life or career—something that no one was looking for.

Shock and Awe the Reader

Shock them with something out of the ordinary so readers are kept off balance, jolted awake, and re-energized with your blog.

Offer a promise or claim

When you make a promise in your introduction, some of your readers will continue reading, hoping to gain what you promised. Others will continue reading out of curiosity. I am now 172 pounds (lost 60 pounds); I worked hard to get where I am right now, but technology also played a big role in my efforts, and in this post I’ll explain how I did it

Make a controversial statement

Go hard on a person, a product or a company, and you will have readers glued to your blog. State your opinion, even when you know some folks are going to get mad.

Describe a vivid scene

Describing a vivid scene paints a mental picture to your readers, thereby evoking some form of emotion. when you paint a vivid scene, be aware you’re not writing a novel. Don’t invest in too many words for a vivid description at the expense of your blog post.

Use a powerful photo

You can hire someone to create compelling illustrations for your blog through a website called Fiverr. You can get an original illustration for $5 (or $10 if you want it in color.)

Set A Goal

What do you want to achieve with your post ? What lesson do you want to teach? What point do you want to drive home ?

Develop the goal

Have I addressed my reader’s needs? Have I exhausted the topic I was covering? Do I need to write a sequel? What can be expressed in a better way?

Keep the Reader Interested

Add your opinion

If you’re not accustomed to sharing your opinions, you should consider doing so in your blogging at least now and then. Preferably more. Why? That is what makes you interesting, for one thing. Everyone has an opinion on things…some people are just quicker at sharing them than others. If you’re not accustomed to sharing your opinions, you should consider doing so in your blogging at least now and then. Preferably more. Why? That is what makes you interesting, for one thing.

Suggest further reading

Further reading articles can be anything from your previous posts to external links to posts written by other bloggers. Trust me—not everybody loves to read, so recommend further reading sparingly, only if it adds value to your post and if you know your audience values it.

Add reader comments/tweets

These techniques are meant to show your readers you notice them. To give them a few seconds of fame. It entails using reader comments and tweets as part of your blog. Trust me, in the comment section lies a treasure of Wisdom Make sure you mention the reader and if possible, send him/her an email or tweet to let them know.

Ask readers a question in a post. Here you’ll need to think two steps ahead. Ask your readers a question in a post and use their answers on your next post.

Do a call for comments on social media or email. When writing a post, you can ask your loyal followers on Twitter or Facebook for their comment on your writing topic. You can later use the tweets or comments to build up your post.

Use quotes

In the words of Miguel de Cervantes, quotes are “Short sentences drawn from long experience.” Quotes assert authority in your blog post while giving a respectful nod to the author.

So when “recruiting,” ask for comments, take a poll or survey, invite readers to blog about the topic on their own blog… these are just a few ways of getting your readers involved and making them part of your blog. It not only promotes a loyal following but also helps readers understand your topic more.

Use Bullets in the Battle for Your Reader’s Attention

140-character limit This is the kind of digital world we are living in. Nobody on the Internet has time for paragraphs.

Eye-Catching Bullets

Bullets stop people from getting bored with big chunks of text. They are like eye candy to the scanning online reader who’s looking for an excuse to leave your web page.

Bullets are mini-headlines. They are like bait for the skimming reader. It encourages the skimmers to go ahead with the call to action or read the lengthy narrative. They’re easier on the eyes, and online readers appreciate that. Bullets offer clarity. Readers hate confusion, so they are for the 21st century reader (everyone on the Internet). They summarize. Whoever discovered bullets must have hated long narratives. Bullets highlight only the important points.

Using subheads

The subhead essentially does what the main headline is supposed to do—hook, entertain, shock, and above all, create curiosity. It’s top purpose is to get the reader to keep going down the page.

To make an impact on the reader, your subheads should at least contain:
Curiosity
Surprise
Emotion

Express a clear and complete benefit

This is where it’s good to have your subheads form some sort of pattern. Like, they all start with the letter “P,” or they all mention a Prince song. Whatever fits with your topic, having a uniformity with your subheads actually pleases the eyes, making people want to read more. One good example of parallelism is having your subheads all start with a verb.

Try writing your subheads first

This helps for reference and aids you to optimally structure your content.

The Close (Wrap Up, Ending, Whatever You Choose to Call It)

Summarize

Tell your readers what you’re going to tell them; tell them; then tell them what you told them.

They will most likely remember the first and last items

Call to action

The CTA (call to action) is the pay check of copywriters. It is the single most important aspect of a post (to the blogger). What do you want your readers to do? Do you want them to vote for you, buy your product, like your page or download your eBook? I am partial to the CTA of some sort, even if it’s to leave comments. Your call to action should be straight forward. Don’t “beat around the bush” and let the readers figure it out by themselves. Be bold; ask them what you want them to do.

Inspire

Unlike a call to action, inspiring readers is more about convincing them than asking them what to do. In such a scenario, you must be artistic enough to evoke soul-searching feelings onto your readers. Tie your conclusion back to your opening, but don’t spell everything out for the reader. Rather, let the reader unfold your story on their own.

Postscript

The P.S. can entice readers to read other related articles or a build-up of articles

Cliff hanger

A good close should compel the reader to stay tuned for the next installation. It should have them bookmarking your blog and creating calendar events for your next article. The first impression is a lasting impression. In blogging though, the last impression is the lasting impression. Endings are crucial for two reasons: They contain the call to action. They foreshadow the next article.

Why Matthew Writes the Headline Last

Only 20% of the people who read your headline will read your article

In just a few words, you will need to fascinate, yet give answers. Feed the search engine spiders, yet write a headline that connects with actual human beings.

Ways to Make Your Headline Intriguing

Give numbers, digits, and lists

Having a number at the start of your headline makes it standout

Examples

Who are the 10 Richest Soccer Players on the Planet? 15 facts You Did Not Know About the White House5 Ways to Ensure Your Family Has Health Coverage

Headlines that are over 70 characters are cut off in Google search results.

Define what the article is about

Clear, Concise, and Compelling

Your headline should excite the reader

Train your readers

Testing 1, 2, 3…

If you are undecided on the impact of multiple headlines, you can always try posting the stories with the different headlines in order to evaluate which gets the highest number of clicks.

Create an eye-catching title

The customer is always right

Understanding your readers enables you to create some smart, strategic headlines that capitalize on their wishes or fears.

Remember the 5W’s

Who – What – When – Where – Why

How many of these answers can you put into a headline?

Use the second-person pronoun

Writing prose in second person comes out awkwardly, but it has proven useful for headline writing. It achieves two things: first, it grabs the attention of the readers. Secondly, it calls them out. Check some examples of this form of headline:

So You Think You Can Dance? Check Out this Video of the Hottest Dance Crew in London.

5 Things You Should Buy Before Going Hiking.

3 Questions You Should Ask Your Insurance Broker.

Telegraph emotion

Studies show readers like being told what they’re going to feel by a headline. Consider the following headlines:

Five Facts About Tattoos That Will Make You Regret Having One.

A Child Survives School Shooting. Her Interview Will Touch Your Heart.

Create a curiosity gap

Again, this is a technique that has been driving crazy traffic to tabloids and gossip columns. This technique creates an urge that readers cannot resist. Consider this headline:

You Will Never Believe What Beckham Ate While in Africa

The headlines tell people something that will make them curious but holds back just enough to make them click on the link to find out.

No Click bait

Sometimes you will be tempted to write headlines that will drive more traffic to your website even if they don’t exactly provide what the reader expected. That is something you don’t want to do. Trust is important. You want readers to trust your headlines. If they don’t, they won’t come back.

I’m sure many people think that verbal abuse isn’t that bad. Those are the people who’ve never been a victim of it. If they’d experienced it, I’m sure they’d be singing a different tune. Being verbally abused feels like getting punched in the face.

EMDR therapy is so unique and I think it’s really working – much better than all the talk therapy I’ve had where nothing changed. I’m told that the EMDR brings out a ‘natural self’; the person I was meant to be under all the PTSD from my childhood. I feel that. Leaving Jerry was completely out of my purview before this. Now I can see it happening and I’m totally unafraid. It’s turning me into a mentally healthier person. Also, not being screamed at for a couple of weeks, I feel freer inside. I’ve been hiding for 30 years because of being a victim of verbal abuse.

Yesterday Jerry and I had our first discussion about his list. Here is the list. Most of these require a “Shoulder Moment”, where he takes me by the shoulders to get my attention (see above link for an explanation)

Collaboration between both of us.

Patience from her for Jerry’s physical health issues.

Patience from him for Robin’s mental health issues.

Explain each other’s prospective completely before rebuttal starts.

Allow time for each one of us to respond to the issue at hand.

No personal attacks.

For inadvertent attacks. Attacker asks for forgiveness rather than being
judgemental. Keep it to the issue at hand. Take responsibility for a mistake.

Work toward compromise with each other in decision making.

Honor agreements and re-visit agreement when one of us is unable to comply as agreed.

If anyone is making noise between 11 pm & 7 am it is that person’s responsibility to go to a separate room and close the door.

Take responsibility for our own actions.

Have a basis of mutual respect in the marriage.

We sat facing each other with our knees touching.

It was wonderful.

We were able to get through the list and adjust it to fit my needs as well as his own without any screaming on his part. I think that this marriage could very well be saved after all. He’s doing so well with the screaming I can hardly believe it. We’ve been married for over 30 years and I’ve taken the verbal battering all this time. I just wish I had been willing to leave him many years earlier. But it is what it is. I just couldn’t see myself doing it until I started the EMDR therapy.

Whoopee!!!!

PS: If you have been a victim of verbal abuse, can you tell me about it? I would love to hear from readers who have, like me, experienced this kind of PTSD trauma.

She said that the EMDR is bringing out my ‘natural’ self which lingered under all the PTSD haze. Before the EMDR, with all the PTSD history I have had, I’ve been mulled in the idea that I deserved no more than abusive behavior. Because of being abused all my life (hated by my father, unbelievably, from the moment of my birth) I have felt like a lower form of human and this self-evaluation led me to think that someone abusing me was ok. With the EMDR, I’m starting to see that being verbally abused is unacceptable. I’m a decent human being and don’t deserve this kind of an abusive relationship.

It feels natural and I seem to be ‘getting it’ down to my core self. I’m a good person and I deserve better than that. I’m even willing to leave my circumstances to be free of it. Something I was totally unwilling to do before this.

It’s fascinating what the EMDR is doing to me. It’s unlike any therapy I ever experienced. With all the talk therapy, nothing much changed in my life. But this EMDR is really shaking things up. FINALLY! I’m moving forward.

A couple of years ago I brought my dog Joshua in for a checkup. The vet looked at his red feet and told me he was chewing them (he has red saliva) because of lack of attention and that I should play with him more.

I had been giving Joshy lots of attention but he just kept chewing.

Then one day, as I was watching him chew furiously, I had a thought. I have athletes foot and it’s miserable. Maybe Joshy does too.

Well the way I keep my problem under control is to pee on my feet in the shower when they start to itch. Urine is great for keeping athletes foot under control (nothing that I know of kills it permanently).

So I decided I’d give this a try with Joshy. I peed in a cup and soaked each foot thoroughly – stretching out his toes to get between them – for 30 seconds or so. Then I shampooed them thoroughly – stretching out his toes – with a skin conditioning shampoo (Joshy has very sensitive skin) to get the salt off.

Voila!!

No more chewing.

I’ve had to reapply this method when he starts in again because there’s no cure for athletes foot. But he has definitely stopped the chewing. And I thought I should let you know about this.

Ps: I don’t remember the name of the vet that told me about his experience with chewing dogs. It was a while ago.

Here is what I think. I think your life is so diminished by your living situation that you think your passive aggression is just you being scatterbrained even though while you were staying here I didn’t see any of that. I also didn’t see you dissociate and I didn’t tell you something that we did that you didn’t remember.

You know how you wished you had bought the cabinets from your picture but settled on the cheaper ones and after they were in you knew you had made the wrong choice? I think it may be time to get into a more peaceful living situation and not settle for what you have because it is too expensive.

You can put your stuff in storage here and stay at my place for a while like you did when you first came to California. Jerry is a kind of devil and you don’t need anymore lessons from living with him. He thinks I’m “rude and inconsiderate”. I know that is absolutely not true and you know it too. We both know that he was describing himself. He also is vested in being sick and will not do anything physically like eating better and quitting his addiction to soda which is what I think killed rick. And Jerry will not do anything “spiritual” to get better even though he professes to be “Christian”. Jerry’s Christ is Satan. He wants to be sick so he doesn’t have to take responsibility for his crappy behavior.

Your description of your dissociation is disturbing to me. I didn’t know it was so bad. I also think you don’t have to do it if you truly don’t want to. But in your current situation it is the way for you to take time outs. It is so negative there that you dissociate for almost any conscious reason but more probably for some unconscious reason. When it comes to your dissociation you sound just like Jerry. You put up with it and it is making your life hell. It’s victim-licious, meaning it’s a choice.

It’s time to divorce Jerry (whether you love him or not). You would be able to sell both houses, which would profit you considerably. Take that money, which is actually your inheritance, to get yourself into a more positive environment. I said sell both houses so you have no ties to Jerry at all. And don’t think about moving back to Watsonville where Jerry’s black aura lingers. I think God would help you to get the perfect job to help you financially. You are very good at organizing and that is a great skill. I was wowed by what you did for the welfare office organizing all the forms. You are not afraid of making mistakes either but I “know” this move would not be a mistake. It has been on my mind for quite a while.

I know it’s scary but it’s something to meditate on. Please think about doing this. I hate to see you this way. You were brave enough to confront dad. You are still just as brave as I witnessed your whole life. Even as a child, you stood up to dad telling him he was wrong even when you knew what he would do to you. I witnessed it so many times that it is undeniable. I tried to help you to not confront him but you weren’t the meek person that I was. I never ever confronted him and I have paid the price my whole life. Stop paying the price with Jerry. Please get out now. Don’t think about your new kitchen as yours. The way it came out, it isn’t yours anyway. Maybe you were told to remodel the house by God to get a better price when it is sold.

You believe in the truth and that there is help available to you from the spirit world. It is guiding me right now to help you. My healing is in my words. Please listen.

jackie

Robin Wrote

Wow. A lot of anger there. That’s what I felt as I read this. It scared me. You keep saying I’m ‘brave’. I wish you would stop saying that. It’s obvious that you have no idea what goes on in my head. I’m not brave so much as I’m CRAZY!!!!! This is why I’m here to learn my own lessons and not to be ‘teaching’ other people theirs. I’m a nut-case. You have to know this by now. Your experiences with me ought to have clued you into this by now. If not, then where have you been?

Do you think that maybe one of the things I have to do in this life is to work with Jerry and him to work with me? It looks messy to you but there’s something between us that looks like it may be starting to unfold. One of the reasons he acts so crazy is because I AM CRAZY!!! I can drive anyone to distraction – even you. Imagine living with me 24/7. Remember how I wanted to move with you into a duplex but you would have none of it? Ask yourself – WHY?

I told him that if there was one more episode of screaming that I would separate (not divorce) and go to Watsonville. I’m doing EMDR and this has gotten me to the point where I have nothing to lose but to tell him point blank what I need and want from him, I FINALLY told him what’s been on my heart and what I’ve known I needed from him for many many years. From childhood I learned NEVER to ask for anything from anyone! Asking for things only got me into deep deep trouble. So it’s only because I had nothing left to loose that made me willing to ask this of him.

When I’m being scatterbrained and unfocused (and I know this isn’t just because I’m with him) I need him to gently take hold of my arms, look me in the face and calmly tell me what he needs and wants from me. We’ve done this 3 out of a potential 5 times so far and every time it seems to work like a charm with me. And he’s in it with me. I start the ball rolling but he’s willing to take up the reigns with me. I wrote my heart out on a page and both of us have been reading it every day since I wrote it. It’s a new way to behave and that involves changing a habit which can be difficult. But reading what I wrote daily is serving to keep this new way forefront in our minds.

I’m not sure you know this – or believe it – but I live a very very lonely life here on this planet. But – I’m crazy – and it alienates people from me. I drank buckets to try to deal with this horrible aloneness and insanity between my ears. Then I got dropped into AA by a vision from God who showed me my future if I kept on doing what I was doing with the booze. But after a short while AA couldn’t handle me anymore. And I couldn’t be helped by them. Humans don’t have enough power to help me. By the time I was 2 years sober Jeanne had had it with me and left. Then God came back to me (and I know you know this story already) through Jesus who visited me in the flesh and who gave me the Holy Spirit (who I felt entering through the top of my head) to be my forever friend. God helped me with the loneliness by giving me a forever friend. Now, because I’m one with the heavens, I never have to feel that horrible endless loneliness I once had. My life is in the heavens not here on earth. Earth can’t take me – I’m TOO CRAZY for earthlings. I’m not fit for humans to handle. My purpose is a lonely one. To learn my own lessons. God comes by and talks to me here and there and it helps with the detangling . And I always have the H.S. to talk to through this earthly trip. I don’t know what I have to learn but God has done some straightening out in me in more than several ways. I need A LOT of straightening out. It’s like East L.A. in this head. Jackie, I was drinking QUARTS of HARD LIQUOR. QUARTS AND QUARTS OF IT and my head would still not shut down. I was given EMDR again through someone’s suggestion. This time for relationships, and I think it might be helping me get to a jumping off point with Jerry’s and my relationship.

How do you know I didn’t dissociate while I was with you? On the outside I look fine (?) But that does not belie what’s going on on the inside. Do you ever find yourself going into auto-pilot fantasy mode?

After this, if I have driven you to distraction (which it sounds like is happening). Maybe you better just drop me from your register. I’ll be ok. I always have the H.S. – my forever friend.

]]>https://climbthewell.com/2018/04/25/an-e-mail-from-my-sister/feed/0anonymousonetooJust a thoughthttps://climbthewell.com/2018/04/22/just-a-thought/
https://climbthewell.com/2018/04/22/just-a-thought/#respondSun, 22 Apr 2018 22:50:11 +0000http://climbthewell.wordpress.com/?p=6789Continue reading →]]>I want to get this idea out there in the world.

Maybe it will spread around and people will think about it.

Why do people have babies when they prefer to work
rather than take care of them?

Children need a lot of love and care in order to grow up
to be healthy adults.

As a result, children are being forced to raise themselves.

I think there’s a lot of crime and suicide from children
who don’t have any parents to help them.

Last night was verification that what I’m doing in our relationship is working.

I was watching American Idol on the bedroom TV and really liked what I was hearing so I wanted to record the show series. But I had to go to the living room since that was the only TV box that would accept a series recording. Then, while I was doing that, the recording part said that there was very little room left to record on. So I decided to delete a lot of shows to make room. Then I came upon “The Big Bang Theory” in which there was nine episodes I hadn’t watched yet. So I decided to watch them before deleting.

Meanwhile…

The TV in the bedroom was still on. I had completely forgotten this….

SCATTERBRAINED!

Jerry was in bed and around midnight came out to the living room to complain that the bedroom TV was still on loud enough to wake him up. He was ‘nice’ but looked a little frustrated with me. I don’t blame him. I hate my scatterbrain. It gets me in more how water….

But the next morning I went to him to find out how he felt about what happened. He said he understood that I was just being scatterbrained!!! And that he didn’t take it personally nor get mad about it.

Jerry and I had another opportunity to practice our ‘new way’ relationship. He was fixing something on my computer when I bent down in front of him to put a reminder post-it on my post-it board. At first he got a little flustered but he refrained from screaming. Instead, he told me that he was just about to hit a function key but I got in the way and he missed his opportunity. I said I was sorry profusely . Then I said that this was an example of my being scatterbrained. He said; “Oh, is that what it looks like”.. Then I said; “This is a shoulder moment”. So he gently took hold of my shoulders and said would I please get out of the way so he could do his work. Immediately, this I did. He doesn’t yet understand how to do this so I have to be the one who takes charge. After all, it was me who started the whole thing so I see it as only fair that I take the lead until he ‘gets it’. I just have to keep encouraging him to do what I said I needed.

I think that this new way of communicating is going to save our marriage.

Well Jerry and I had our first ‘break in’ with the new communication technique. He needed a little push to try the new way and I gave him what he needed.

We were talking about the problems with my computer (it was being restored from getting into very bad shape). At first he got frustrated with me but still acted in the old way trying hard not to raise his voice this time. But this isn’t the thing I had requested of him. So I had to instigate the new way by saying; “Honey, you aren’t doing what I asked you to do. Can you please do it the new way?” He immediately got into it – doing the new way I’d asked him to! It went as smooth as butter!!! It’s a new and strange way (to us) to interact so he just needed a little push. I also needed a little courage to take the lead and follow through with what I’d asked. It’s new and strange and so was uncomfortable to instigate at first.

I had to tell him what I needed!!!

It was hard to do but I did it – twice! Once when I wrote it down for him and again when the situation called for it to actually be carried out.

Asking for what I need is soooo hard for me! I don’t think I’ve ever done this as well as I have up to this point. Part of the problem we’ve been having is that I’ve never stated my needs clearly enough to the point where I can get them met. I stated them with both feet firmly planted on the ground. I stood up for myself – TWICE!!!

As far as communication goes, this time it’s going to be my way or the highway.

]]>https://climbthewell.com/2018/04/15/sunday-4-15-18-part-2/feed/0anonymousonetooSunday – 4-15-18https://climbthewell.com/2018/04/15/sunday-4-15-18/
https://climbthewell.com/2018/04/15/sunday-4-15-18/#respondSun, 15 Apr 2018 17:20:01 +0000http://climbthewell.wordpress.com/?p=6750Continue reading →]]>(I wrote this to Jerry after a talk we had today)

.

This is what I need from you.

I WILL REMIND YOU TO READ THIS PAPER EVERY DAY

I’m a scatterbrained girl and there doesn’t seem to be a way to make myself less scatterbrained. You HAVE to know this about me. You have to get what that means deep to the heart. You must always keep this in mind when you’re dealing with me, you’re dealing with a scatterbrained person.

Your screaming doesn’t make me less scatterbrained. All it does is make me more scatterbrained. Plus I feel like in order to get my wants and needs met I have to go behind your back.

I have needs and wants of my own but it feels like you only care about your own needs and wants. Only what you want and need matters and because you’re bigger and louder then me, you use your size and loud voice to get what you want. But you’re never going to get what you want this way.

You scream and want me to state my needs and wants and be honest with you. That’s like telling me to lead with the chin to a bully. Is that what you expect from me? To be honest and not lie but to take chin blows from you? Doing it this way, eventually the smaller, weaker person has to give in. And that’s what happens to me. Sometimes I try to do this, but you can never win this way with a bully. Size is the only thing that matters with a bully and I simply don’t have the size and loudness.

You bully me because you know you’ll get your wants and needs met that way. But this is only for the moment. In the long run, this will get you nothing. Only a partner that runs and hides and lies to you and who can never love and respect you. Because I’m not a dog you can kick knowing that they’ll come back and lick you on the hand. You won’t face consequences when you kick a dog. But you have to face consequences when you do this to a human being. God made me a human being and I can’t act as a dog does. You have to know you’re not dealing with a dog but with a human being. And you WILL face consequences. In fact, you already do.

My wants and needs count too, even though I’m littler than you are. I’m a person too, even though I’m littler.

And this is what I think you want. To have a partner who loves and cherishes and respects you and who will give you what you want and need to the best of her ability. How is screaming at her going to get you this?

I need you to try a different tact with me and I really think this is the better way to get what you need and want and also to keep my heart for you too. I KNOW that doing this will make me less scatterbrained. If I’m being scatterbrained, THINK“She’s being scatterbrained again”. Take me GENTLY by the shoulders and CALMLY tell me what you want and need. But there’s more. You have to LISTEN to what I want and need too. You never do this. Still holding me, if my needs and wants are different then yours, we have to talk it out to get to a compromise we BOTH can live with.

It starts with you Jerry. You have to know you’re dealing with a FEMALE human being and not a male one. Because I’m female and, unlike a male, I DO have a give back button. You don’t have to worry that you won’t get what you want from me. I guarantee that you will – if you try this new tact.

From now on, I WILL DO MY BEST to love and respect you. I will give you what you want and need to the best of my ability, provided it does not interfere with my needs and wants too. If this happens, then – remembering that you’re dealing with a scatterbrained person – take hold of me GENTLY, so that we can CALMLY discuss it until we come to an agreement with each other.

I am going to take care of myself. My EMDR therapy is shaking things up. I’m going to give you the space you need to change. But, if there’s another screaming episode – even one – I’m going to call Lynette and give our tenant 45 days to find a new place. I won’t tell them they have to move, just look for a place and tell me when they’ve found it. I’ll give you that time to change too. If you change by the time they’ve found it, I won’t move to Watsonville. I’m hoping that you will have started interacting with me the new way by then. I’m hoping.

]]>https://climbthewell.com/2018/04/15/sunday-4-15-18/feed/0anonymousonetooSaturday 4-14-18https://climbthewell.com/2018/04/14/saturday-4-14-18/
https://climbthewell.com/2018/04/14/saturday-4-14-18/#respondSat, 14 Apr 2018 21:28:45 +0000http://climbthewell.wordpress.com/?p=6742Continue reading →]]>So we’re in the middle of our kitchen remodel and we’ve come to the back splash. I don’t know any other word to use for this except INSANE! First I had the contractor put up black tile. I thought it was going to look like a good contrast. It turned out to be nothing but oppressive. I couldn’t stand it so I took the tiles off and had to scrape the mortar off the walls.

Then I went back to the tile we were originally going to use. A translucent gray green glass. With it I was going to have a mural put in over the stove. Well, the tile looked great but the mural turned out to be a totally clashing color to the tile. So I had the contractor pull the mural off and, again, I had to scrape all the gunk off the wall. Then I had to buy another mural but I chose 2 to compare and then send the other one back.

Then came the grout!!! Man! I think I went insane on this one. I went with stark white but has a reservation about this color, but I ignored my feeling and went with what the contractor said would look good. But when it got on the tile it was way to bright for the cream colored cabinets and the tan and brown marbled counter top. So, without telling the contractor or my husband Jerry (who I know would have told me no) I started to carve the fresh grout out so I could put another color in instead. But then Jerry and the contractor caught me doing this and both had a total hairy – which I don’t blame them – as I knew I was going INSANE with it all.

All I can say is back splashes are HARD to figure out. I’ve seen so many beautiful kitchens with back splashes that don’t fit in at all. Many, many, many. There are hardly any kitchen pictures with back splashes that fit the overall look of the kitchen.

By the way, I’m not going to use a mural after all. This whole thing is going to give me an ulcer. Also, Jerry said if I try to make any more changes he is going to leave for a month. I don’t blame him.