Wow. I check my husbands phone - he gives it to me, just as I give him mine. As a psychologist once said "Trust is something that is maintained. How is it maintained? By complete openness". I have no problem with my husband opening up my facebook, looking at my phone, e-mails anything. I have nothing to hide.

You need to break up with that dirt bag and find a new man will will be open, honest and wont give you STD's. It's about trust all right - Him being a damn dirty dog. Men always try to turn things around on the women when he does something wrong. Dont fall for it. You are innocent here.

If you feel the need to check up on him, that's usually your intuition waving a red flag. And in this case, your gut was absolutely correct. In my mind, there's no question about what you should do. Anyone who considers receiving oral from a girl other than his SO needs to be dropped. Anyone who maintains a secret relationship with another female for some time (because I'm assuming you didn't know about this side female) needs to be dropped. And I wouldn't worry about talking to her before you talked to him - you already know he was going to lie to you. At least she told you something.

It's funny you mention cheating preachers... it seems so common, even Martin Luther King, Jr, fell victim. I remember the Reverend of my church growing up was rumored to have cheated on his wife, and when word got out, the whole congregation voted on whether he should stay or go, and most of the seniors voted that he should go, while the younger generation was more forgiving of it and felt it was his own personal business. Anyway, to make a long story short, the majority vote was that he leave and he did. It seems men with fame, prominence and power always fall victim to temptation because it becomes rampant when you have such prestige... But no excuses, cheating is wrong and makes a victim of the person being cheated on, not the cheater...