Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Gingerbread Figures

I was at Tim Hortons and I noticed they don't have gingerbread men, only gingerbread figures. I can only imagine that this is due to the fact that to appease some crazy feminist nutjob(s), they made the term gender non-specific. I find this particularly amusing because when I bought the gingerbread figure, the woman at the counter referred to it as 'a naked man' (because they had decorated Santa ones too, which, due to my religious beliefs, I find horribly offensive as well) It ceases to be politically correct if employees refer to them as 'naked men'. Then she called me 'love'. I think a little sensitivity training is in order.

ANYWAYS, to make everyone happy, I decided to go into the gingerbread business. Here is my menu:

You have the standard gingerbread man and woman.

Now, now, I know what you're thinking. "Those look awfully heterosexual, Paul. You don't want to offend the homosexuals." You'd be right to say that, so I bring you the gay gingerbread abominations (I call them "abominations" so I don't offend the religious nutcases.)

Now, now, I know what you're saying. "What about the handicapped people and invalids? In the event that they ever make it up the ramp to Tim Hortons, you wouldn't want them to be offended, would you?" Well, you'd be correct again. So, I bring you the wheelchair and the coma patient gingerbread figures. (The white stuff is icing, so that's why I added the detail to the coma patient's blanket - yum.)

Of course, you can add smarties or something for that added holiday flair, but the idea is there - everyone is deserving of a gingerbread representation. Everyone except for the people I didn't include of course.