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Sunday, November 4, 2012

Can Men and Women Be Just Friends

A recent
experiment took eighty-eight heterosexual pairs who claimed to be friends
and invited them to a coffee experiment. The designers of the experiment did
not want to risk any resulting data leaking out to the participants and
destroying the friendships. With this in mind, the city where it took place
remains anonymous, but the participants were English speakers. Are you aware in
many non-English speaking countries the concept of platonic friendship between
a man and a woman is a laughable.

The couples drank coffee, then, separated for an interview
supposedly about their beverage. The interviewer digressed into an offhand
conversation about the friend. Questions regarding their friend’s hotness
factor, or if they would ever consider their friend in a romantic fashion. The
females assured the interviewer their friendship was only platonic while the large
majority of guys were very interested in becoming romantic partners. The few
who didn’t confessed to an attraction to their female friend may have just been
lying because they felt the question was suspicious.

Ah, ha, it is pretty much what every guy has ever told me,
but I refused to believe. One
male blogger grabbed this topic and told his tales of unrequited love where
he stayed friends with a girl over thirty years in hopes he’d work his way into
her bed. He did, after her last divorce, but then found he could no longer be
friends with her. He has now entered The Twilight Zone of friendships. Things
were good before they slept together. Truthfully, he was grooming her for
romance. He had a goal, but once he reached it he had nowhere else to go. The
things he did that made him such a wonderful friend from remembering her
birthday to sending her positive messages when she was down, he no longer had
any motivation to continue. Men are very goal driven. They are more about the
hunt, than the eventual catch. Some men are more like catch and release
fishermen. The two drifted apart after a thirty-year long friendship.

So can men and women never be friends? All the movies,
magazines, and trendy books tell us we can. Women can be friends with men they
don’t find sexually attractive. It is like having another girlfriend or a gay
best friend. No man wants to find out he’s not attractive. His platonic friend
will lie to him, and tell him he’s attractive, which he translates to having a
chance with her.

My DH assures me that men do not talk to women they
aren’t interested in. Even casual conversation with a stranger is meant as some
type of hook to reel you in. The man who settles for the friendship role is
playing the long game. Women argue that they have great male co-workers or long
time family friends. The male co-workers are people you have to work with, but
it does not mean there may not be some underlying flirtation there. That’s why
people use the terms work husband, work wife, and emotional affair.

If you have a trusted male friend, keep in mind
he may not want to hear your relationship tales. Well, he might if they’re bad.
That way the two of you can gang up on your latest guy. Keep in mind; he may
just have ulterior motives for disliking your most recent date.What do you think?