COVID-19: An Inside Look

Perhaps it’s because I’m a registered nurse working the bedside of this virus, but I feel like I’ve seen plenty of information about what it’s like for healthcare workers fighting this COVID-19 fight. I’ve seen stories about violence towards people in scrubs out there, but personally I’ve received nothing but support and encouragement. Most of my friends know about our struggles with personal protective equipment (PPE), be it the fears it will run out or the frustration with the ever-changing guidelines of safety by the CDC. People have seen the struggles nurses and others have wearing the same masks for twelves hours or more straight, and aside from them seeing the bruises and pressure sores on my face, I’ve told my family how the continuous wear causes me to feel fuzzy-headed and drowsy (not a good feeling for a critical care nurse).

We (as a healthcare team) mostly keep quiet about the inconveniences of no bathroom or water breaks. I mean, it’s just how it is. Another straw to add to the back of an already sagging camel. Yet, despite any struggles we face physically, or even the fears we attempt to overcome mentally, it’s been so helpful to have the praise and support of family and friends. I know they see me, and they try to sympathize with the war we’re waging against this tricky contagion. I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I feel like a lot of thoughts and prayers have been directed my way, but recently my heart has been breaking for the patients I serve.

If you could see inside my little world, behind smudged googles and hot breath, you would see how COVID is attacking more than our ability to go to the mall, or even beyond our inability to pay bills. You see, this pandemic is more than being forced to stay home, schooling your children, or even (sadly) being unable to gather with your church or extended family. I saw it went beyond missing my baby brother’s wedding, or not being able to find our favored toilet paper. Because beyond sinking stocks and failing businesses were people dying. Scared, alone, and confused.

If you could stand here beside me you would see the real effects of COVID-19. You’d see the frightened eyes of a patient when a crowd of strangers rush into the room, moving quickly, with a sense of urgency. You’d glimpse the fear the patient exuded over all the people surrounding them in hoods, masks, and billowing gowns. The worst part about a mask? They can’t see you smile.

If you stood in my shoes you would hold a patient’s hand with your own gloved one, attempting to offer comfort, wiping away a stray tear, patting their arm compassionately.

“You’re doing so good. It’s ok. Don’t be afraid.”

While foreign tubes are being inserted, with language barriers in place, you’d try to explain why rolling onto your belly in the hospital bed is needed to perhaps help getting a breath be less excruciating.

If you sat at my desk you’d try and calm a family member, over the phone only, since visitors aren’t allowed.

If you stood outside the glass fishbowl, like me, watching lifesaving procedures being performed in unprecedented ways, to keep staff contamination at bay, you’d feel your heart break while staff worked feverishly to sedate the anxious patient, just prior to passing down a endotracheal breathing tube. If you could read the patients frantic thoughts at that moment just prior to sweet sleep, you would be certain he wondered worriedly, “what if I never wake up?”

Because people aren’t waking up.

Y’all, I can’t understand all this. It’s not like anything we’ve ever known, and I’m sure you’re getting that Sci-Fi movie vibe too. As if we’re walking through a dream we can’t wake from, we all feel that surreal mood. It’s hard for everyone, and we all feel the sting, but we have to remember to feel more than just how this is affecting us personally. We gotta try to imagine how it’s impacting the world at large, how we’re all hurting in one way or another. Because, you see, it’s our ability to empathize with another than binds us, and if we can stand together (even as we’re physically apart), we will stand stronger when the dust settles. Eventually it will.

Oh Brie. First of all I thank you for your willingness to keep fighting this fight on the forefront of the battle. And would you convey to your co-workers, thank you from all of us who can’t be where they are, but we appreciate them, remember them and pray for them.
And thank you for letting us peep inside of the “inside.” Your perspective is accurate, to the point and helps the rest of us keep perspective of the minor inconveniences we are dealing with. Limited access to the marketplace is not even a blip on the radar when compared to limited oxygen. I pray for you and the others as you not only help to keep people alive, you help them know they are not alone. Thank you, my dear friend. Thank you.

Yes, thank you and prayers for you all on the front lines. Just found this quote ” While it looks like things are out of control, behind the scenes there is a God who hasn’t surrendered His authority!” A W Tozer Psalm 91

As a former ICU RN, I know that your description is accurate. I can’t imagine what it’s like today with many more patents and less PPE and equipment. I never felt like my life was on the line when I went to work, but if I was working now, I’d be very scared and praying constantly.
All people working in the front lines of the healthcare industry are HEROS, as are all of the Emergency medical responders, firefighters, police, truck drivers, people working in stores etc. I’m sorry if I left anyone off the list. All of you are amazing!

Thank you for shedding an even brighter light on what you are doing and facing daily! We so appreciate your work on the front lines. I know your patients can’t see your smile, but I have to feel that they can sense your genuine love for what you do and WHO YOU SERVE!! Even through your protective glasses I have to believe that your patients can see the warmth in your eyes and the love of Jesus! Keep on Keeping on! Our family is praying for you, the patients world wide, and your family’s protection, as well.

Thank you & all medical personnel for all that yall do. I pray a hedge of protection to surround yall. Also thanks for your blog its so uplifting even when it brings tears. I can feel God flowing from you into us.

Psalm 40:2 “He pulled me from the mire & mud & gave me a firm rock on which to stand.”
Brie, find the rock. It’s still there. It’s dry & it’s strong & it is where you need to go to catch your yourself. You find that rock & you will keep your balance. You know how to climb up on that rock.
Your days are going to be filled with so many tears & so much sadness. But you can continue. You will not fall. And your smile will shine through any mask because it is not bound by earthly barriors. It will be the expression of one who knows what lies beyond all this pain. Your eyes will reflect His love. Your words will be those of encouragement & they will be an invitation to rest in His peace & to go toward the welcoming warmth & comfort that He offers to all of us at our very last moments here. He is our Lord. He is our God. He will stand with you & He will keep you on that rock. I promise.

Brie, I can’t even imagine what you are going through, but I know your faith is strong. You already know how much I appreciate you when your wonderful support helped pull Mike through in ICU. I am lifting you up to the Lord for physical strength and safety for your own health and thanking HIM for giving you the courage to keep on even through it is tearing your heart out. Love you forever.

Thank you Brie for being there for people during perhaps the worst time in their lives! God sure put some awesome caretakers like you on the front line in this fight! We are praying for you, your family and those you care for!

Meet Brie

Brie is a forty-something wife and mother. When she's not loving on her hubby or playing with her three daughters, she enjoys cooking, reading, and writing down her thoughts to share with others. She loves traveling the country with her family in their fifth wheel, and all the Netflix binges in between. Read More…

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