It's Not Fair

They had fathers who actively participated in their lives. They had mothers who would bake cookies for them. They had siblings that they could share secrets with.

I was alone.

I think this envy was why I kept surrounding myself with other forms of "families". Church was one of them. I could be myself with the other youth group kids and they would all accept me for who I am. Until time took them away from me. Little by little..one by one. Until the roles have changed and now I was the oldest of the group.

I was forsaken.

In the 8th grade I had a best friend. We shared great memories and had a lot of fun experiences growing up. By the time we were seniors, I thought we would become friends forever. I even envisioned him as my best man at my wedding, celebrating with me as we had celebrated many summers together. His family was closer to me than my own. I was so jealous of his family; I wished that I could have been his brother.

And then he stabbed me in the back. Over something as stupid and trivial as money.

I was isolated.

I didn't know who my family was. I didn't know who I was. All I knew was that everyone else had a family, an identity, and here I was trapped in this whirlpool of an identity crisis.

Then I met her.

She was the first girlfriend I ever had. The first kiss. The first of many things. We went to the same high school together but I never met her until my senior year. It was one of those crazy moments in life where things fall into place.

I was happy.

She and I spent a lot of time together. I got to know her brothers, mother, father, aunts, uncles, and all that jazz.

But something wasn't right. I felt an unease everytime I was with her. Something unsettled me...

I realized that it was because I was trying to replace my own family with hers.

I broke it off.

But this time, I wasn't alone.

I may not have the best family, but they are still my family.

I have no reason to be envious of anyone. In fact, it should be the other way around.