Monday, May 26, 2008

sunny days.

lately, I've been going through a lot of inner turmoil...stuff I really haven't discussed with anybody, just been keeping it to myself because I really don't know how to word it and I don't want anyone passing judgement on my emotions. I hate that..Seriously...don't tell me how I should feel...Anyway...I think I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel...((at least I hope so))The other day I was hanging out with my ex-boyfriend...((we're still really good friends)) and I was telling him my situations and basically explaining to him why I really broke down crying the other day ((see previous blogs))..and he simply told me.."you're a sweetheart..don't let these situations change that about u..u have a good heart and u will be blessed so don't stress it."Believe it or not that really made my day...because I realized he had a point...and in saying that I must shout out Lucius because he has been telling me for forever that I am one of the few good girls and I don't need to change..so to both of you..thank you.Of course, I have to thank my girls too...ya'll have definitely been shoulders for me to cry on..without ya'll my troubles would have been even harder..even tho I didn't really explain in depth how I was hurting..Anyway..I'm slipping off topic...lol ((damn shoutouts..lol))But I'm getting better...I'm starting to love myself more and more...and I've realized thats why I was in so much pain...The bullshit I had been through made me question myself..made my confidence drop..made me lose love for myself...and I should have NEVER NEVER let that happen but I did. So now I am back on building myself back up again...Loving myself..learning myself all over again...and reminding myself to never forget that the best love is love for self...

I've learned from all these situations that I have been through...I've learned that even though I am a naturally nice and caring person..not everyone deserves it..and that its okay to have a wall up because thats how you find out who is really worth being in your life because if they stay around and work on taking it down then that means they could possibly be in it for the long haul...No worries though..I'm not going to be bitter or anything like that..and I'm definitely NOT changing...I am who I am and thats never gonna change...

2 comments:

Anonymous
said...

you are a great person and thats what admire about you. people are going to be people and you cant change that, yeah i know us females feel as if we can. you, me, and every other great person can only pray for better days that will soon come. keep pushing love. your a smart, beautiful, strong, black woman and with all that you should never feel less then star. a star is what u are sweetie.

they ARE coming...as i said in my SIFA post- joy cometh in the morning. Jesus said this himself...so that's reality. lol. Thanks for the shout, and I'm glad you're listening...your ex prob knows you more than anyone...so he knows what you should, and shouldn't do- plus it's usually the ones on the outside looking in who see the BIG picture."I need to stay true to myself..." a great lady once said that to me...changed my way of thinking forever. Don't let this great lady fade due to a lil boy who's not ready to man up...