The bitter debate that rages between the proponents of giant monsters and the advocates for giant people is one that will probably never be settled, but we can at least attempt to explain what each side brings to the table. On the one hand, giant monsters like Godzilla and Space Godzilla (pictured here in an awesome fight) can do things like gnash their teeth and fly. But human giant monsters can actually talk and also flash their breasts (see video below). We lay out the pros and cons of giant monsters, and the pros and cons of giant people, and you can decide for yourself which mega-forms will rule.

Giant People

Pro: As I mentioned above, giant people have the capacity to grow really big parts that we want to look at REALLY close up. So in Village of the Giants (clip above) a bunch of teens in the 1960s eat some groovy shit that makes them grow big. They wind up dancing crazily in the middle of town, and one of the women sticks a teeny guy between her boobies as decoration, laughing as he clings to her brastraps for dear life.

Advertisement

Con: The only way to represent "really big people" is apparently to make them move in slow motion.

Pro: Really giant people can get revenge on regular-sized people, the way the 50 foot woman does in the 1950s flick and the 1990s remake. Watching a giant lady yell at her tiny hubby because he's cheating on her makes for great, weird drama!

Con: Watching a giant lady yell at her husband while he struggles inside a giant, fake hand is a no-win situation for the audience.

Pro: Giant people are funny! That's why Hollywood gave us Honey I Shrunk the Kid!

Con: Honey I Shrunk the Kid exists.

Giant Monsters

Pro: Very big teeth, very big claws, and very big fights.

Con: Most giant monster movies seem to focus on the regular-sized humans far too much, sacrificing valuable time that could be devoted to the teeth, claws, and fights.

Pro: Giant monster movies can teach us about social issues like atomic radiation and pollution, because so many giant monsters are created when they get irradiated — like the giant tarantula in Tarantula!

Con: Wait, is the moral of the story that radiation is bad because it makes the giant monster? Or that it's good because we get to see the giant monster fighting a bunch of stuff? So confused.

Pro: You have always wanted to see a massive, angry beast flatten everything in its path with huge tentacles/claws/pseudopod things. Now you can.

Con: Stomping, crushing, lighting on fire. Cannot see the downside.

Want to hear me talk more about the true meaning of giant monsters and giant people? Come see my talk tonight, "Giant Monster Appreciation," at Ignite in San Francisco. Starts at 8 PM!