"If It's In The News... It's News To Us"

A company in Houston called “Taping for the Blind” offers the sight-impaired something special: An audio version of Playboy Magazine. While a text-only Braille version has been available for decades, The Blind community can now “listen” to all the articles, jokes, letters and yes, detailed descriptions of the pictures, read aloud by women volunteers.

So now you can spend your teenage years using Playboy to go blind – then listen to it years later when you are!

Although his eyes are fine, Big Al uses this service – but swears he only listens to it for the articles.

Finally, Hugh Hefner can enjoy his own magazine without having to wear his tri-focals!

It Goes Great With Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti…

Germans have been in an uproar recently over ads that urge people to “donate any part of their body” for a cannibal themed restaurant. It also sought the services of “open-minded” surgeons to help obtain the cuts of meat. Turned out the ad was fake – put out by the German Vegetarian Society aka “Vebu” to raise awareness of the evils of eating meat.

If a real cannibal-theme restaurant ever opens… stay away from the McNuggets!

A German toymaker has unveiled a unique new line of stuffed toys with psychiatric problems. They include a turtle with severe depression, a snake who suffers from terrifying hallucinations and a sheep with multiple personalities. It allegedly started as a joke, the but creator found that both kids and grown-ups like helping to “heal them”.

So let me get this straight… now you can get a Teddy Bear that so insecure you have to get it, it’s OWN Teddy Bear to sleep with.

Sales of the “Bi-Polar Bear” keep going up and down.

Lions and Tigers and OCD Bears! Oh, my!

Okay, I’ll admit it. I sleep every night with a stuffed bunny… but ONLY because he’s afraid of the dark.

“Yeah, I’m Goin’ to Cat-Mandu…”

Tang Meirong of China was walking down the sidewalk outside an apartment building when a heavy object fell on her head and knocked her out. It turned out to be a cat, which was killed in the fall. The building manager couldn’t identify the cat’s owner, so Tang is planning on suing all 200 residents of the building unless someone takes responsibility.

Turns out the cat only had one life, but the woman has hired nine attorneys.

Of course you know what they call a falling cat in China: “Fast Food”.

Which reminds me, if you’re ever dining out in Korea – don’t ask for a doggie bag!

Those Caf-Fiends!

Starbucks has decided to de-clutter it’s drive-thru menus by getting rid of it’s smaller, 12 oz. drink size. So now, customers in cars will only be offered the 16oz. “grande” or 20 oz. “venti” coffee drinks and not the 12 oz. “tall”.

By the time you figure out their ordering system, your so awake you don’t need the coffee anymore.

Why not just simplify the whole thing by having the Starbucks staff ask, “How jittery do you want to get?”

Laughing in the Can

On this day in 1950, the TV laugh track was used for the very first time on the sitcom, “The Hank McCune Show”.

And for years you could hear it on my show. We called it John “Ankles” Stewart!