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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Growing up

I've been feeling distant from Cade the last few days and it's been hard for me to pinpoint why. Last night as we were getting ready for bed it hit me. He's is growing up on me and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure I am ready for this three year old to emerge. He just turned two and a half last month. The difference in him astounds me.

Some days I am frustrated still by trying to decode his toddler language. The syntax makes me sometimes feel like I live with little Yoda. You know he's speaking English but you have no clue what his point is. You guess, but you are always wrong Young Jedi. And this little Yoda ain't so patient!!

He has his little life figured out. There is a plan and opinion for everything. If Mommy's idea for what to don't match his, watch out! The dragon or pirate will then hiss at you or swing his sword your direction and say "no Mah-Me.". The way he chops his syllables when he's not pleased will really make you question your actions. Then you take a breath and resize you're in charge because you are the grown up.

Tonight little pirate done broke my heart. I was changing him into pj's and I kissed the back of his arm....pause. I ow, back of arm is strange but I make ita practice to kiss all the sweet little spots I can now while A. They are still cute and not grody, B. He is too young to remember Mommy smothering him with affection every chance I get, and C. Because life is too damn short and the child is irresistible. Okay, play. So I kiss the back of his arm and he recoils. He wipes his arm and puts the kiss back on my mouth. Shit you not. Then he says "no more kissing, Mommy. Too much kiss."

Um. croak!!! I started to tear up. He just looked at me like, "what? That's a reasonable request." and I couldn't respond other than cry a little and say,"Too much kiss? No such thing." as I dejectedly put on his pj's and stared at those cute tiny toes. Then I remembered. I'm Mommy. I will decide when there is "too much kiss". Not today, little man. Not today.