Sunday, April 13, 2014

The following two posts were written by a woman working in Uganda (Abide Family Center-check it out!). Though they are written from the perspective of Uganda, they could have been written for DRC. I felt like the words could have been my own (and I think if you have read my blog over the years, all of this will sound familiar as it relates to DRC). Please read with an open heart and mind. I have seen the same things they are warning about in DRC and most people that have been in the field in DRC have seen the same things.

We’re the ones who have watched grandmothers sob when told their child is now in America.
We’re the one who have seen falsified documents with our own eyes.
Documents that claim this parent is dead when they’re standing right in
front of us.
We’re the ones who have sat with adoptive parents and begged, begged
them, to reconsider. Because those children? Their mom is right outside
and she says she wants her babies back.
We’re the ones who have seen an aunt pick her niece up from the
orphanage after she was kidnapped and the orphanage was told she was a
cut and dry abandonment case. The little girl was on the list to be
adopted, and now she’s home with the aunt who searched for months to
find her.
We’re the ones who have seen fathers cry with joy when reunited with
their children who got lost in the system. Children who were already
matched with an American family.
We’re the ones who have sat across from a mother who says, “I would
have kept my baby if someone, anyone, had offered to help me keep her. I
was just too poor”We’ve seen children stolen and birth families coerced and
money exchange hands and false documents written up. We’ve seen it with
our own eyes. More here.

Post Two: I Propose (Below is a small excerpt; please go read the entire post, it is well worth your time). More here.

7. Stop letting poverty be a good enough reason for international
adoption. I can’t tell you how many times i’ve heard people justify
their international adoptions with “but the mom was just really poor”.
Did you ever think to ask whether the mom was ever offered any
assistance to keep her children? It’s not an ethical adoption if the birth family was never given another option.
Let your kids starve or relinquish your rights? That’s not an option.
Let’s support birth families who love their kids so they can keep their
children instead of giving them up.More here

I'll leave with this quote from the same posts:

"We owe it to the kids and the shattered families to speak out. To
stop only telling certain stories, the stories we like hearing. We owe
it to them to dispel this myth that adoption corruption is really rare
so we should just stop talking about it [because, I so wish it wasn't
true, but it is far from rare].
To be responsible and honest in our attempts to care for the children
in our world we have to fight the hard fight of shifting through the
layers of corruption and deceit to find the truth. It’s hard and it’s
messy and it’s not very fun…. but these children and these families? They’re worth it."

Saturday, April 5, 2014

First, a note to
my friends: It is very possible that the number of my friends in the
DRC adoption world will dwindle even further after this post. All I can
say is that I have been praying and thinking about the words to write
that would reflect why my heart has been unsettled for the past few
days. Often my posts are ones that I write after I feel God leading or
gently pushing me forward to speak. I often ask for His grace in the
words on my blog, for His heart of compassion, love, and justice. This
post is not to attack you (my DRC adoptive parent friends) or the
children you hope to adopt. I'm not sure what I would do if I were in
your shoes and my child had a visa and couldn't leave the country. When
that happened to us and we had to wait a year, at least we were in DRC
and our kids were living with us. So, I pass no judgment and understand
the reasons behind wanting to do something that might help your
kids come home. And I hope that this petition does help your kids come
home because I know that many of you have done everything you can to
make sure your adoption is an ethical one (including hiring private
investigators and demanding transparency), and my heart breaks with you
over your adopted children in DRC. Even though you might not hear it,
this post is for those children and all the other vulnerable children
and their families (both birth and adoptive) that are caught up in the
quagmire that has become international adoption in DRC.

If
you're reading this, you probably know that social media in the DRC
adoption community has been ablaze with news of the Both Ends Burning
(BEB)'s petition to the United States government to pressure the
Congolese government into ending the suspension on the issuance of exit
letters. Adoptive parents are changing their profile pictures to one
that says their child(ren) are "stuck" in DRC, sharing the petition,
joining the "DRC Pipeline Families" through BEB and making memes using
pictures of their adopted children.

If you do decide to join the DRC Pipeline Families information form it
might behoove you to ask some important questions of the BEB campaign
before you give away private information about your family and your
adopted child. Ask questions about how your information will be used.
Make sure you know how the advocacy organizations will use that
information for their campaigns. Make sure they sign a privacy
agreement. Make sure you are aware of the ways your information may be
used to further other campaigns (like CHIFF). Learn about the
legislation that BEB supports. Research and look into what the goals of
each organization are as it relates to the stakeholders and
supporters. In the midst of a hard and desperate time in your adoption
in DRC, look closely that those that may use your heartache to their
advantage to press their own agendas and goals.

This
post is about why I think this campaign may not be the right direction
to take in trying to change DRC adoptions for the better. There are now
tens of thousands of voices lifted and crying for the children of U.S.
adoptive parents. There are a few voices that are whispering words of
caution and concern. I want to be one of those few voices, that likely
will not be heard in the midst of the political advocacy that is
currently happening by the Both Ends Burning campaign. This is an open
letter to the Both Ends Burning campaign which is asking our government to intervene on behalf
of the children that are "stuck" (the word chosen by BEB for this
campaign and also the name of the documentary film they promote
describing the situations of some children that are being
internationally adopted around the world) in DRC, a purported 500
children (led by Kelly Ensslin). It would be relevant to first read the petition before
reading the following letter. The petition is named "Please help resolve the pending adoptions from Democratic Republic of Congo."

Dear Both Ends Burning,I
have been watching the social media campaign that you have taken on
through your work with Both Ends Burning to help the DRC adoptive
parents who are in process. I commend your compassion and passion which
drives your desire to help those families that are affected by the DGM
suspension and your overall mission of helping children find permanent
families.

I
read the petition that will be sent to the United States government.
Compared to previous letter written for the BEB campaign about
adoptions in DRC, this one was an improvement -- although it did make
sweeping statements that are clearly inaccurate and potentially
inflammatory. For example, the petition states that the Department of
State (DOS) has done nothing to advocate for the families that have
delayed adoptions, and asks the President intercede to help the families
hoping to bring their adopted children to the U.S. This statement is
clearly inaccurate, as DOS has advocated for American adoptive families
-- including sending delegations to DRC and bringing delegations of DRC
leaders to the U.S. That is not "doing nothing." The petition also asks
our government leaders to "speak publicly about [their] support for the
American families and their children." This is another inaccuracy -- it
should have read "speak publicly about [their] support for the American
families and their Congolese children." This is a very
important point, that the children "stuck" in the process are still
Congolese citizens, regardless of visa status. The Congolese government
is already interceding in a situation involving their citizens--they are
refusing to allow them to leave the country with their adoptive parents
(American or otherwise -- the suspension has been applied to ALL
international adoptive parents, not just Americans).This
brings me to the main reason why I am writing. I want to address the
glaring omissions in a petition that has been signed by 75,000 (at the
time of this writing) people. These omissions relate to two important
questions. First, why is the Congolese government interceding in such a
drastic way in the lives of Congolese children who are being adopted by
foreigners? And second, how are we going to respond to their
motivations for the suspension? Neither of these issues have been
addressed in your petition. Given that this petition was put forth by
Both Ends Burning, it seems logical to conclude that the answer to the
second question is found in the legislation you are supporting: CHIFF.But
let me not gloss over the importance of the first question. Why has
the Congolese government (via DGM, DRC immigration) suspended the
issuance of exit letters for internationally adopted Congolese
children?? The most often quoted reason I see put forth by most of the
supporters of BEB and CHIFF is that rehoming concerns in the U.S. is the
reason for the suspension. If that is the case, than why is the
suspension applied to every foreigner adopting from DRC? Why is it not
limited to only the U.S.? I believe the suspension has less to do with
rehoming issues than it has to do with issues around power, corruption,
and the practices of in-country staff of foreign agencies and
organizations that facilitate adoptions in DRC. If you have followed
media reports coming out of DRC over the past four years regarding
adoption (for example, through Radio Okapi), you will have read reports
of child trafficking, orphanage raids, and illegal border crossings. If
you have followed individual stories of adoption in DRC (via blogs and
stories in the U.S. media from adoptive parents), you will have learned
of falsification of documents, DGM bribing, siblings spilt apart, lost
referrals (only to have them referred to other agencies), abuse of
children in orphanages, false abandonment reports, coercion of birth
parents to relinquish children, and high foster care fees without
documented expenses (average of $500/month/child), monthly orphanage
donations (average of $300/month/child), and child finder fees/social
service referral fees (average of $1000-1500 per referral). If you have
followed the embassy announcements and update calls of the past 2-3
years, you will also have found concerns of corruption, false documents,
bribery, illegal border crossings, and backdated court documents. All
of this information is publicly available, and all of it paints a very
clear picture of endemic corruption and fraud in the international
adoption business in DRC.

Given
these are the actual reasons underlying the suspension, what is the
proper response? The petition suggest three responses: (1) ask Secretary
of State Kerry to help in resolving the issue; (2) send a letter to
President Kabila (the DRC president) and Prime Minister Ponyo to
intercede; and (3) speak publicly of [their] support of the adoptive
families. And yet there is not a single acknowledgement that there are
real ethical concerns and problems with corruption in DRC adoptions.
There is not a single statement or request in the petition that tries
to address this urgent concern and plain reality. There is not a single
attempt made to address the very legitimate and real concerns of the
Congolese government and its need to protect its citizens. The failure
to directly address these concerns in the petition leaves adoptive
parents, the Congolese children, and birth families more vulnerable to
exploitation by adoption agencies and on ground staff -- both of which
profit from international adoption. This omission also implies that
this corruption isn't of concern to the U.S. government. To state it in
another way: by not making the concerns of corruption and unethical
adoption practices of utmost importance, we are implying that they are
of no concern to the U.S. And if you would suggest that CHIFF is the
response the U.S. government should make to address these valid concerns
in DRC, then please read my post (and
the recommended readings that are at the end of the post as well as the
comments) about why I feel CHIFF will fail to protect children in DRC
from exploitation. I strongly feel that the petition you are pushing forward will
lead to an outcome you do not desire: the plan will backfire and will
only lead to increased suspensions and delays; ultimately leading to
more pain for vulnerable children, their adoptive parents and birth
families in DRC. My friends who are currently in process are counting on
you and BEB: please don't disappoint them. But even more than that,
the vulnerable children and families in DRC need our protection and
support. Failing them would be an even greater travesty. Sincerely,Holly Mulford, concerned DRC adoptive parent

Addendum: This post was written yesterday (April 5th, it is the morning here of April 6th because I'm in Tanzania). As I went to publish it this morning it was brought to my attention that some of the stated goals of the BED campaign to help DRC adoptive families have changed. I won't make this lengthy post even longer going into what the statements might mean. Please ask about these changes and for clarification on what their wording actually means for ALL families adopting from DRC. Again, it is important how your name and information will be used in their campaign. Any changes should come with a call or letter to all the families involved explaining what the changes entail and mean. Here are the new changes:

"We
would like Congress to request DRC consider three actions to help these
children and their adoptive families while DRC’s government conducts
its review.

1) Require the DGM to process and expedite adoptions for any child whose health is at risk.

2) Direct the DGM to honor its original commitment to process exit
permit applications for the families that had been approved prior to
September 25, 2013.

3) Provide the families who have received approval to adopt a
Congolese child on or after September 25, with a means for obtaining
exit permits." (source)

Addendum 20 Sept. 2014. If you are here because of the repost on facebook here is what I said: I am a DRC adoptive parent. I will not be silent. And I haven't been
silent over many years. 5 months ago I wrote the following post. From
it I still stand my words I wrote then, "The failure to directly address
these concerns [corruption and unethical behavior] in the petition
leaves adoptive parents, the Congolese children, and birth families more
vulnerable to exploitation by adoption agencies and on ground staff --
both of which profit from international adoption. This
omission also implies that this corruption isn't of concern to the
U.S. government. To state it in another way: by not making the concerns
of corruption and unethical adoption practices of utmost importance, we
are implying that they are of no concern to the U.S." When we stay
silent in the face of corruption and illegal activity, we are complicit
in it. When we stay silent in the face of injustice, we become part of
those that are participating in that injustice. When we stay silent
when DRC laws are broken (whether we agree with them or not), we allow
it to continue and in staying silent we say "we don't care" and it
implies we think we are above the law. Why would DRC allow adoptions to
continue from the U.S. if that is what they hear from us? Staying
silent is what will prevent children from coming home from DRC that need
new families. Staying silent will only allow children to continue to
be taken from their first families without their consent and knowledge
and it will only allow children that do need new families to stay in DRC
indefinitely. Do not stay silent. Speak out that you do not agree
with the action of those that would try to smuggle their children out of
the country over the past year. Or those that would take children from
their birth families that love them. Or would give bribes in order to
get DGM exit letters. Or would allow falsification of adoption
documents. Do not stay silent. Do not try to hide wrong doing. It
will only cause the country to shut down to adoptions. Speak out!
Demand accountability from your agencies, from your friends, from your
on ground contacts. Let your voice be heard, that you care. Fight for
justice. If not for your child, then for every child that needs a
family (whether that means reunification with their existing family or a
new adoptive family). Our silence is action. And it is heard loud and
clear. http://fusion.net/justice/story/american-implicated-congo-child-smuggling-ring-1062500

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

There are some agonies and suffering that it is impossible to turn towards. Perhaps this is one of them. A parent desperately leaving their child. The photos here and the small stories accompanying them are almost too hard to look at and too hard to read. Certainly too hard to read without breaking. Here: Chinese parents abandon children at Guangzhou Baby Hatch.

Two times have I witnessed family leaving their children, the moment of departure. Once, I was working in my job with children many years ago. A mother whispered to me she was planning on walking out because she couldn't take care of them anymore. Walking out without her 4 and 6 year old daughters. As she broke down she sobbed that she wanted to say goodbye. And she asked me to call social service so they weren't left alone before she left.

Another time I was in the mountains of eastern DRC. It was one of the first visits of many to the orphanage (which we now support). There was a family, a father and aunties. Women sobbing as they held the newborn after recently saying goodbye to their sister, the mother of the baby. A father bent and hidden in pain. A desperate act to save a small life. Their only hope. They put the baby in a blue crib. Alone. And walked away.

What if it could be different?

What if instead of abandonment or relinquishment or adoption or foster care, there was a different kind of hope? What if instead of rows of cribs in an orphanage, or social services arriving in a hospital and driving girls away in a taxi, or foster care for years, there was a different choice? What if instead of giving away, of handing over, of letting go, there was holding and clutching and life giving care in the moment of crisis, of dire poverty, of hopelessness. What if there was love and life and hope?

What if we committed to bridging the chasm that is ripped open when there are a no social safety nets or emergency family care or access to health care or a place to get formula or to shelter from a storm? What if after a mother dies in birth, the church has the strength to come around the family and give them the help they need? What if there is a center or an emergency home that offers a temporary place to rest, to learn, to gather strength and skills to face the storms of life again? What if there is a community that would gather around a family so that a child is never left alone as a mother or father or auntie weeps in despair. What if there is a place that helps vulnerable mothers during their pregnancies, birth and child rearing? What if there is a way to never leave a child in a crib alone.

What if we believed that we should help families stay together? What if we believed that extreme poverty should never be a reason that children are separated from their families? What if all our decisions were radical enough to embrace a family an ocean away and commit to them, to lay down our lives for them? This is the Bible I read. The words that inspire me. The God that inspires me. One that placed us in families, that gave us those to love us and care for us. And then placed us in communities, so that in the broken, dark times of life, we know the love of God through the love of our sisters and brothers and we are never ever alone.

Here are three examples of programs that do just this: help families stay together. Please check out their inspiring work. There are many many more around the world.

New Here?

We are an American family living in Mwanza, Tanzania after 2 years of life in the States. Michael is a country director for an NGO which serves school children. Holly is a pediatric nurse practitioner. Before our time in the States, we lived in eastern Democratic Republic of Congo for 4 1/2 years. We have four little girls who are 7, 5, and four year old twins. Back in DRC, we started a small charity called Reeds of Hope. Originally we started it to support the small baby home where our girls spent the first 5 months of their lives. Since that time, we have grown and changed in our mission and focus. Now we are working hard to transition to a model of family support, reunification, and alternative care.

Please do not use any photos on this blog without permission. All photos are ones taken by the author of this blog and not for use elsewhere without permission. Thank you.

Header photo on far left is used with permission from Channel Initiative and is from eastern DRC. Photo on right is from Mwanza, Tanzania.