UPDATED: Tree bomber

We have a crappy Christmas tree. It’s old and fake and the cats have chewed up the wiring, but it doesn’t matter because I usually fill it so full of ornaments that no one can really see the tree underneath. Except that this year I can’t put up any of my nice ornaments because our cat (Ferris Mewler) obsessively climbs to the top of the tree and remains very still until he thinks you can’t see him (you can totally see him) and then he jumps down on you as you walk past, like some sort of terrible, furry kamikaze. Two out of three times he brings the tree down with him.

Planning his attack.

I know it looks like someone has just flung a cat across the room. I assure you, this is not the case. We're the victims here.

That last picture? That’s the look he gives you when you tell him, “I CAN SEE YOU, FERRIS MEWLER, AND I’M NOT WALKING ANYWHERE NEAR THAT TREE , thank-you-very-much.”

You see that loathing in his eyes? That’s what we have instead of Christmas Spirit and pretty, breakable ornaments.

Merry freaking Christmas, cat.

I hope you and your enormous cat toy are very happy together.

UPDATED: Eventually Ferris managed to push every damn ornament off the tree from the inside. You could almost hear his fuzzy screams of triumph as he loudly murdered the Christmas spirit. Finally Hailey (an honorary Who) put a single plastic ornament on the tree and tied it so tightly even the grinchiest of cats couldn’t manage to get it off. Which drove Ferris to distraction and caused him to rip entire branches of the tree off in anger. He would shake the branch like mad and when I would yell he would close his eyes and hide his head, apparently unaware that “YOU CAN’T SEE ME IF I CAN’T SEE YOU” doesn’t work when you’re a giant cat in a tree that’s missing half of it’s branches. This morning I woke up to find the Christmas tree down, along with several broken pieces of glass. I found the glass with my feet. It was like Die-Hard, but with furrier terrorists. I finally tossed the entire tree.

I’m uploading a video in case I end up murdered by my cat, who is super pissed that I took his toy away. This is the suspect you’re looking for: