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Friday, August 08, 2008

Frustration is a common theme in my life. And with spirituality, the theme has yet to falter. I'm really just overwhelmed, with alot of mixed emotions. For as long as I remember, I was a pretty firm atheist. Having any slight interest in any religion would've been a joke to me. But as of earlier this year, for some reason unknown to me, I began thinking differently, with a more open mind. And I've more or less, broken the barrier into spirituality. I now believe that there is a higher power, I just don't know what it is, or where to find it. And if I do find it, will I recognize it?

A couple of my friends introduced me to Wicca. And I've been so intrigued by it since, that it almost hurts to think about. But, the logical, ex-atheist side of me keeps wanting to reject the beliefs. I'm having a very difficult time wrapping my head around all of this God and Goddess business. Sometime's I'll say to myself, "Wow, this has got to be the religion for me.", but I feel like I might be interested for the wrong reasons.

I also have a deep, and compassionate attraction towards nature. And earth-based religions definitely will be my answer, and in my heart I can confirm that. One of my problems also is, though, that I'm not educated enough about Wicca, or Druidism [which I've also had a recent interst in] perhaps to make a more daring leap into either one of them.

I feel very alone, very confused. I want to find the higher powers, but they're playing an awful game of hide-and-seek. Does anyone have any advice for me, any support, or have felt like they've hit a brick wall before? Anything to just ease some of this tension would help me alot. Thanks.