Sunday, December 27, 2009

"Have I the slightest interest in the death of Jesus? Do I want to be identified with His death, to be killed right out to all interest in sin, in worldliness, in self-

to be so identified with Jesus that I am spoilt for everything else but Him?"

(Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, December 23)

I read this and I felt sad. Because I know what it feels like to have that, but I do not presently have that.I know that I can have it again ...but I am so disappointed in myself and the slow fade that took me where I didn't realize I was heading.

There is such a parallel right now, for me, with my physical shape and my spiritual shape. Just 2 months ago I found myself suddenly physically fit. It had snuck up on me after 6 months of Muay Thai (sort of an extreme brand of kick boxing), and an especially stressful time in my life that left me with half an appetite. I was thrilled with my new situation...and I knew I would have to guard it carefully to keep it. But, my Muay Thai class took a 2 month hiatus, and along came Thanksgiving and Christmas. So...here I sit, knowing that just a few months ago I was at my lowest weight and highest muscle mass--ever. And now? Soft from inactivity. Bloated with over indulgence. How could I have let this happen?

A more troubling question is, how did I get so soft spiritually? I haven't missed a day of spending time with God...I haven't stopped going to church, or spending time with people who challenge me. But the fact remains, that just a few short months ago Jesus and I were inseparable. Finishing-each-other's-sentences close. Inside joke close. And suddenly I find myself weak and disconnected. But the disconnect really was no more sudden than my fitness had been. I had gotten there in the usual ways: escapism; general busyness; and by a redirected focus on these most recent holidays.

Bottom line, you don't get fit--be it physically or spiritually--and stay that way, without a concerted effort.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Question: "Whensomeone puts you through hell, is undying gratitude really too much to ask?"

Funny you should ask.

2 words put everything into perspective:

The Cross.

Humans are apparently incapable of undying gratitude--even in the face of the most selfless act in all history and for all time. Jesus died on the cross for our sins. (a statement we've heardso many times we have to fight not to take it for granted). When you force yourself to look at that for what it is--could anything scream more deservedly for our undying gratitude? Yet we can hardly say we give Him what He deserves after all He has done for us.

Tomorrow, when I am a better person, I will allow that to sink in, and then my anger and my disgust for this one should subside.

To err is human. Tonight I am human.

the next day...

God is Divine.In my daily study of Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest, I found just what I needed to calm my thrashing spirit. (the one that had a few choice words and thoughts each timeI woke up in the night...)

In one paragraph, God took the righteous fight right out of me:

Jesus says, "I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you." (Jn. 13:15) Oswald then expounds, "Watch the kind of people God brings around you, and you will behumiliated to find that this is His way of revealing to you the kind of person you have beento Him. Now, He says, exhibit to that one exactly what I have shown to you."

For a moment I balked at the thought that this ingrate I was dealing with was, the kind ofperson I had been to God. But, once I got past the indignation, and focused on that last instructional sentence: "Now...exhibit to that one, exactly what I have shown to you."-yet again-the genius of God melted my stubborn heart.

I had to ask myself, "what has God exhibited to me?"

grace

patience

total love and self sacrifice when I was at my ugliest (Romans 5:6-8)

He desires good things for me, even when I am making that impossible (Jere. 29:11-14)

About Desperate Me...lisa seymour jones

I am a perfectionist. If you were to take one look at my house, you would be quick to label that a glaring-maybe even raging-misdiagnosis, but on some misguided level it is paralyzingly true.

In my desperate attempt to know God...seek Him...please Him, I fall into the trap of trying to be perfect. And since I'm far from it, the enemy can keep me ineffective for the cause of Christ, just by accusing me with my imperfection.

Today I need to remember that I am called to:
Live justly
Love mercy
Walk humbly (Micah 6:8)

I am not called to:
Have the perfect words
Bear the burden of the
world with blood sweat &
tears...

I need to understand I don't have to be everything to everyone-spiritually-(Lord knows I'm not otherwise).

But, if the enemy can keep me "perfecting", or just postponing...then the one or two (be it singular people, or hundreds, or thousands) who God prepared me specifically in advance to relate to, will still be waiting-while I am waiting to unveil something that will impress...move...motivate-Everyone.

So, if it's you that's been waiting-I apologize. I owe you a coffee. Here's some stuff God's been asking me to share...(in it's quite imperfect form:)