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Assessing the Coolness of Everything That Happens in the 'Guardians of the Galaxy' Trailer

This new trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy has hit the web and it, as one might have expected or hoped, is cool. Cool in entirety. Cool incarnate. Every single thing about it is cool. Want proof? Watch it. Want further proof, you maniac? Check out our rundown of every single thing that happens in the trailer and linked assessment of whether each element is, in fact, cool.
Establishing shot of a gloomy, destitute temple: That is cool.
Peter Quill's (Chris Pratt) disappearing electronic mask-helmet: That is cool.
Peter Quill's jet-powered boots flying him out of danger through a hole in the wall: That is cool.
Norman Greenbaum's "Spirit in the Sky": That is cool.
A giant spaceship: That is cool.
A Mos Eisley-like hub for alien menaces: That is cool.
Hovering robots staring down a shirtless Peter Quill: That is cool.
Peter Quill juggling what is likely some kind of spherical robotic entity or explosive devise: That is cool.
Rocket Raccoon (Bradley Cooper) and Groot (Vin Diesel), doing their thing (thang?): That is cool (kewl?).
Gamora (Zoe Saldana) slicing and dicing: That is cool.
Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista) head-butting somebody: That is cool.
The personification of evil taking form in a dark, stoically seated figure: That is cool.
An ominous hand crushing an orb of power: That is cool.
Marvel Studios
Peter Quill's rallying underdog speech: That is cool.
"This August" title card: That is cool.
Aerial shot of a futuristic military base: That is cool.
Everybody walking around on a stone circle reminiscent of something out of Legend of Zelda: That is cool.
Glenn Close's haircut: That is cool.
The expositional establishment of the stakes in this movie: That is cool.
Explosive debris raining down from a gigantic ship: That is cool.
A door shaped like a circle: That is cool.
Bradley Cooper's Will Arnett impression: That is cool.
Rocket Raccoon and Groot losing their s**t: That is cool.
Gamora losing her s**t: That is cool.
A shot of the gang in prison jump suits: That is cool.
Peter Serafinowicz cowering: That is cool.
Peter Quill losing his s**t: That is cool.
A giant skull: That is cool.
Marvel Studios
Peter Quill's awed gasp syncing up with the rhythm of "Spirit in the Sky": That is cool.
Body slam!: That is cool.
Explosion: That is cool.
Drax the Destroyer's knife-wielding shot: That is cool.
A haze of fire droplets that resemble Navi from Legend of Zelda: That is cool.
Ships zooming through an electric field: That is cool.
Peter Quill's speech continues: That is cool.
Groot giving a little girl a flower: That is cool.
Peter Quill and Gamora watching each other undress: That is cool as long as they're both okay with it.
Rocket Raccoon's quip about his species' lifespan: That is cool.
Drax the Destroyer losing his s**t: That is cool.
Gamora screaming into the face of a creature that resembles a Na'vi... not from Legend of Zelda, from Avatar, in which Saldana actually played a Na'vi, which is maybe why I'm making such a gratuitous jump to that connotation when, really, the creature doesn't look all that much like a Na'vi: That is cool.
Robot laser: That is cool.
Various explosions, shots of anthropomorphic neighborhood pests yelling: That is cool.
Strangling: That is cool.
Marvel Studios
Benicio Del Toro doing that thing that Ross and Monica did to discretely flip off their parents: That is cool.
Gamora and Peter Quill near-kissing while she wears his headphones: That is cool.
Drax the Destroyer conducting an orchestra of mayhem: That is cool.
Groot: That is cool.
A windstorm of peril: That is cool.
Zoe Saldana's hand: That is cool.
The hulking device into which Peter Quill's audio cassette tape is hooked: That is cool.
"Hooked on a Feeling" by Blue Swede: That is cool, but I was enjoying "Spirit in the Sky."
Peter Quill's solo march: That is cool.
Gamora's semi-solo march: That is cool.
Drax the Destroyer cocking his head a little, as if to insinuate himself a bit more subtly than did his peers, which is ironic since he is perhaps the least subtle in physical form and personal nature of the gang: That is cool.
Groot's nifty shoulder trick: That is cool.
Groot saying, "I am Groot": That is cool. I really like Groot.
Rocket Raccoon showcasing his self-esteem in a maxim of circular logic: That is cool.
Rocket Raccoon adjusting his crotch: That is cool, I guess.
The gang's prideful march: That is cool.
John C. Reilly introducing the name of the movie: That is cool.
John C. Reilly lamenting his lot in life, and the fate of the universe altogether: That is cool.
More prideful marching: That is cool.
Rocket Raccoon yelling: That is cool.
This movie looks cool.
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NBC Universal Media
Television upfronts are upon us. Even though the fall TV season has just barely come to a close, with many shows not returning next year (poor Community), the networks have a new crop of shows ready to premiere later this year. NBC has recently announced its fall lineup, including an interesting mix of comedies and dramas. Here's a preview of NBC's upcoming primetime lineup
A to ZWhat It Is: Single-camera sitcom.What It's About: Andrew (Ben Feldman), a romantic at heart, tries to win the girl of his dreams, Zoey (Cristin Milioti).Who's in It: Ben Feldman, Cristin Milioti. What It Sounds Like: Exactly like How I Met Your Mother. It's so similar it's almost a little shameless. Check this: The male lead is a doe-eyed romantic; the female lead wants nothing to do with relationships; an unseen narrator who is also voiced by an actor best known from a '90s sitcom (Katey Sagal), is recounting the whole story; incredible romantic coincidences aplenty involving particularly colored items. It's madness. But at least they don't share a cast member... oh, wait...How Good It Will Be: It honestly looks like a tepid version of the CBS series, but without any of that show’s subversive charm or quirks.How Long It Will Last: It looks pleasant enough to last through the season, but who wants to watch another eight years of Ted and Robin doing will-they-won’t they.Premiere: Thursdays at 9:30 this fall.
Bad JudgeWhat It Is: Single-camera sitcom.What It's About: Rebecca Wright (Kate Walsh) is a wild party girl who also happens to be L.A.'s toughest criminal judge.Who's In It: Kate Walsh, John Ducey, Tone Bell, Theodore Barnes.What's It Sound Like: A reality show titled Judge Judy: Off the Bench.How Good It Will Be: Judging by the trailer, it seems like the main character’s antics will grow stale after a while. “She’s a high ranking official, yet she’s wildly inappropriate” can only be barely amusing for so long.How Long It Will Last: This looks dead on arrival.Premiere: Thurdays at 9:00 this fall.
The Mysteries of LauraWhat It Is: Cop dramedy. What It's About: Laura Diamond (Debra Messing) is a gifted detective who must balance the excitement of police work with managing her twin boys and a flippant ex-husband.Who's In It: Debra Messing, Josh Lucas.What's It Sound Like: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, but with more family drama.How Good Will It Be: It’s hard to tell. The trailer is charming enough and is actually littered with a couple chuckles. How Long Will It Last: We can see this one going the distance.Premiere: Wednesdays at 8:00 this fall.
ConstantineWhat It Is: Supernatural drama.What It's About: Based on DC Comics’ classic series Hellblazer, demon hunter John Constantine travels the country to fight off the forces of hell while looking cool in a trench coat. Who's In It: Matt Ryan, Lucy Griffiths, Harrold Perrineau. What's It Sounds Like: Like Supernatural, with more Brits. How Good Will It Be: The trailer has some genuine creepy moments and looks like a far cry from the Keanu Reeves-centered, sun-drenched L.A. interperatation of the character from 2005’s Constantine. Matt Ryan is a dead ringer for the comic book version, down to the blond hair and british-accented quips. How Long Will It Last: This one has good chances. Even though it’s scheduled for Friday nights, which is usually the death nell for television, NBC’s other supernatural action series, Grimm has improbably managed to survive on the same night. Also, It’s connection to comics will certainly bring in viewers.Premiere: Fridays at 10:00 this fall.
State of AffairsWhat It Is: Drama. What It's About: CIA analyst Charleston Tucker (Katherine Heigl) must decide which international crises need to be brought to the attention of the president. She’s also on a mission to find the people responsible for the murder of her fiancé, who was the president’s son.Who's In It: Katherine Heigl, Alfre Woodard, Adam Kaufman. What's It Sound Like: Like Scandal meets Homeland. How Good It Will Be: It looks like a soapy, glossy network version of Homeland, which could be fun, but could also be terrible. How Long It Will Last: NBC found a surprise hit with The Blacklist, and this show looks pretty similar in story. If it can pick up on that show’s audience it will definitely make it through the season.Premiere: November 17 at 10:00.
Marry MeWhat Is It: Single-camera sitcom. What It's About: After six perfect years together, Annie and Jake are ready to get married, but the universe seems to have other plans for them. Who's In It: Ken Marino, Casey Wilson, Sarah Wright, John Gemberling. What's It Sound Like: It’s basically looks like Happy Endings, which makes sense since it’s also from that show’s creator, David Caspe. How Good Will It Be: The cast has some great comedy chops, and the trailer has some goofy laughs here and there. If this show is even half as good as Happy Endings in it’s prime, we’ll be satisfied.How Long Will It Last: NBC is in dire need of some new comedies so we’re betting this one sticks around for a while. Premiere: Tuesday at 9:00 this fall.
AllegianceWhat It Is: Spy drama. What It's About: Alex O’Connor is a young idealistic CIA analyst, but his life comes crashing down when he learns that his parents are deactivated KGB agents who have just been re-enlisted by the Kremlin to commit a terrorist attack against the U.S. Who's In It: Gavin Stenhouse, Scott Cohen, Hope Davis.What's It Sound Like: The Americans, but with fewer wigs and less '80s music. How Good It Will Be: It’ll be hard for this show to compete quality-wise with The Americans, which is probably the most underrated drama on television, since it is mining such similar territory. How Long It Will Last: You only have to look as far as NBC’s Hostages to see that dramas like this don’t tend to do well on the network. If the show is a critical success it good skate on its prestige like Hannibal, but we don’t see this as being terribly successful.Premiere: N/A
AquariusWhat It Is: Period police drama.What It's About: In 1967, L.A. police sergeant Sam Hodiak investigates a cult leader luring young women to his cause. Little does he know that that the guy he’s hunting turns out to be Charles Manson.Who's In It: David Duchovny. What's It Sound Like: Bates Motel, but replace Norman Bates with Charles Manson. How Good Will It Be: It looks like NBC is trying to mine the success (critical success at least) of Hannibal. If this show is even a tenth as good as that, it will be a home run.How Long Will It Last?: Knowing NBC and it’s audience, If this show does make it to the end of the season, it will be one of those shows that’s permanently on the bubble come renewal time.Premiere: N/A
Emerald CityWhat It Is: Fantasy drama.What It's About: A woman investigating the identity of her biological mother gets swept up into a tornado and transported to a twisted vision of magical world of Oz Who's In It: N/A What's It Sound Like: A dark and gritty version of The Wizard of Oz. How Good Will It Be: Judging from recent “Dark” versions of fairy tales (Hanzel and Gretal: Witch Hunters, Snow White and the Huntsman), we don’t have high hopes. How Long Will It Last: NBC’s recet genre offerings haven’t fared to well, but ABC’s Once Upon a Time shows that there’s certainly an audience for fantasy on network TV.Premiere: N/A
Mission ControlWhat Is It: Single-camera sitcom.What's It About: Dr. Mary Kendricks is a brilliant Aerospace engineer that must survive the boys club of Astronauts in the 1960s. Who's In It: Krysten Ritter, Tommy Dewey, Malcolm Barrett, Johnathan Slavin, Julie Meyer.What's It Sound Like: Mad Men meets Anchorman with some Better Off Ted sprinkled in. How Good Will It Be: Mad Men has found a great amount of drama exploring the old-timey misogyny of the 1960s. A series that can explore the same themes from a comedic lens could be really great.How Long Will It Last: It’s hard to tell. This sounds pretty ambitious from NBC. It doesn’t seem like the sort of thing that people will immediately click with, so Mission Control might not last.Premiere: N/A
Mr. RobinsonWhat It Is: Single-camera sitcom.What's It About: Down on his luck musician Craig Robinson (Craig Robinson... hey, wait a minute...) teaches music to pay the bills, but works harder to inspire his students once he finds out that they’re only taking his class for the easy A.Who's In It: Craig Robinson, Jean Smart.What's It Sound Like: An updated version of Welcome Back Kotter.How Good Will It Be: Craig Robinson is a huge talent, and we’ve been waiting for him to get the chance to carry his own show. Fingers crossed, everybody. How Long Will It Last: Hopefully, old fans of The Office can rally behind this show and help it secure at least a couple of seasons.Premiere: N/A
OdysseyWhat It Is: Multi-camera sitcom. What It's About: A soldier, a corporate lawyer, and a political activist uncover a military-industrial conspiracy involving al Qaeda, the U.S. military, and a U.S. corporation funding the terrorist cell.Who's In It: Anna Friel, Peter Facinelli, Jake Robinson, Jim True-Frost. What's It Sound Like: Traffic with a heaping teaspoon of Homeland.How Good Will It Be: It sounds like an ambitious, international undertaking from NBC. It sounds good, but then again it’s from a director of Grey’s Anatomy. We guess we’ll have to see.How Long Will It Last: Not too long. This doesn’t look like NBC’s usual offerings so it’s hard to think it will last.Premiere: N/A
One Big Happy What Is It: Single-camera sitcom.What's It About: Best friends, Lizzy and Luke decide to start an unorthodox family, but things get crowded when Luke meets and marries the woman of his dreams, Prudence, a british expat scheduled to leave the country. Who's In It: Nick Zano, Elisha Cuthbert, Kelly Brook.What's It Sound Like: A zanier version of Modern Family. How Good Will It Be: It sounds like fun, and Elisha Cuthbert was fantastic in Happy Endings.Premiere: N/A
Unbreakable Kimmy SchmidtWhat Is It: Single camera sitcom What’s It About: After 15 years of living in a cult, a woman decides to reinvent her life by moving to New York and taking on the city that never sleeps.Who's In It: Ellie Kemper, Tituss Burgess.What’s It Sound Like: Ugly Betty meets The Office.How Good Will It Be: Ellie Kemper is perpetually delightful, and the idea of a woman readjusting to modern life after living in a cult could lead to some absurd situations. How Long Will It Last: Like Mr. Robinson, fans of the office might give this show a boost at least initially. Were thinking this one will at least finish out it’s season.Premiere: N/A
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Columbia Pictures via Everett Collection
Whether it’s Tobey Maguire or Andrew Garfield swinging from building to building, Spider-Man has faced some formidable opponents. Some of these villains have stayed true to their comic book form while others have fallen flat. Here are our rankings from the Spider-Man trilogy and The Amazing Spider-Man.
5. Sandman
In theory this could have been great. But the execution felt forced. Thomas Haden Church takes on the role of Flint Marko, a criminal who steps into a particle accelerator and can now control sand. Kind of a lame power, right? The tension feels forced because after two sequels we find out it was Marko who killed Uncle Ben, who was Peter Parker’s father figure. Sandman teams up with Venom, but their efforts fall short. Spider-Man wouldn’t get killed, come on now.
4. Green Goblin
Played expertly by Willem Dafoe, Green Goblin is a deranged bad guy who poses a major threat to Spider-Man. His powers stay true to the comics, tossing pumpkin bombs and flying through the air with his Glider. The Goblin is really millionaire Norman Osborn, who eventually finds out that the webslinger is really Peter Parker. As a major villain, Green Goblin is a threat, but not a threat to the rest of the world.
3. Venom
Another victim of the lackluster Spider-Man 3, Venom had potential to be the top villain. Unfortunately, this Venom was not faithful to the comic book at all. Venom is really Eddie Brock, a beefy journalist who possess incredible strength and that’s before an alien symbiote invades his body. Topher Grace is not buff at all. Where was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for this casting? Venom is still a credible bad guy with his alien superpowers. Like the Goblin, he doesn’t pose a huge threat to society.
2. Lizard
His strength and speed are extremely dangerous and he has a nefarious plan to change humans into lizards. Rhys Ifans plays Dr. Curtis Connors, who transforms into a giant lizard thanks to a science experiment gone bad. Lizard climbs near the top of this list because his grand scheme is a big threat to all of humanity, not just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
1. Dr. Octopus
Watch out! As long as Doc Ock is around, the world could be doomed. Dr. Octopus (Alfred Molina) is the toughest enemy in the Spider-Man films universe. Dangerous mechanical arms make sure Doc can match strength with anybody and his experiments with nuclear fusion reach out-of-control levels that threaten the existence of every human. Otto Octavius had to be stopped — this proved to be Spidey’s most difficult task.

Walt Disney Studios
When you think about it, superheroes can be a pretty fickle bunch. Through several decades of comic books and the dozens of comic book films released over the years, it's become abundantly clear that there's no such thing as a binding alliance. Comic book characters switch over the moral dividing line so often that keeping track of it all can be headache-enducing, a fact that one Captain America knows all too well. In the upcoming sequel, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Cap sees himself facing off against an old friend, and in his honor, we've decided to list our favorite comic book movie frienemies.
Harry Osborne and Peter Parker (Spider-Man)High school best buds turned mortal foes, Peter Parker and Harry Osborne are the original frenemies. When Harry discovers that Spider-Man killed his father Norman (the OG Green Goblin), and later finds out that Peter Parker is Spider-Man, the news sets him on a raging path of revenge. Harry picks up the mantle of the Green Goblin and tries to put a stop to the webslinger's heroics once and for all.
Loki and Thor (Thor)Being second sucks, doesn't it? Brothers Thor and Loki were always thick as thieves, but under the surface, certain injustices began to slowly gnaw away at their friendship. Jealousy over Thor's birthright plus the discovery of his true frost-giant origins were enough to send the already mischievous Loki into full villain mode.
Dr. Connors and Peter Parker (The Amazing Spider-Man)Peter Parker and Dr. Connors had a budding Teacher/protege relationship in The Amazing Spider-Man, but Connors was slowly driven crazy by his limb re-growth serum and becomes the Lizard. When the Lizard decides to turn the whole of New York into gigantic reptilian creatures, Spidey had to take the respected scientist down.
Andrew, Matt, and Steve (Chronicle)There's nothing like finding alien superpowers to make a friendship stronger. In Max Landis' Chronicle, Andrew, Matt and Steve bond after accidentally obtaining powers, but Andrew gets consumed by his new found abilities and his terrible home life. After possibly killing Steve, Andrew goes on a rampage through the streets of Seattle, and it's up to Matt to stop him before more people get hurt.
Todd and Dave (Kick-Ass 2)In the sequel to Kick-Ass, the eponymous hero continues to wage his inept war against crime, but when his best friend Todd feels left out of the superheroics, he almost unwittingly becomes a henchmen of Christopher Mintz-Plasse's The Motherfu****, and inadvertantly get's Kick-Ass' father killed. Things between the two are reconciled at the end, but there are some things you probably shouldn't forgive.
Magneto and Professor X (X-Men: First Class)Did I say Harry and Peter were the original frenemies? Nope, that honor clearly goes to Magneto and Professor X. While Erik Lehnsherr and Charles Xavier were originally united in their fight for Mutant rights in the 60's, Professor X sought more peaceful methods, while Magneto was very much an ends-justifies-the-means type of guy, and the two have been at each others throats ever since. They still have mutual respect and affection for one another, but it's buried under years of hate.
Mystique and Professor X (X-Men: First Class)Wait, hold on. Did I say Magneto and Professor X were the original frienemies? Well, according to X-Men: First Class, the good Professor knew Mystique back when they were both children. The two were basically siblings growing up until Raven started to side with Magneto's more forceful ideas about Mutant rights.
Harvey Dent and Bruce Wayne (Batman Forever)Harvey Dent was a by-the-books district attorney that protected Gotham with law and order, while allowing Batman clean up whatever scum slipped out of the court and onto the streets. Their tag-team was broken up when Dent's face was burned by a disgruntled crime boss in the middle of a court proceeding, and Dent is driven insane by his disfigurement, becoming the villain Two Face.
Sabertooth and Wolverine (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)Bound by blood and death, Wolverine and Sabertooth were half-brothers that spent the better part of two centuries fighting through American military conflicts across the globe. After being recruited by William Stryker to join a group of mutant military group called Team X and carrying out some wet work on behalf of the government, Logan leaves the team, feeling dismayed by all of the killing, and Sabertooth sees this as the ultimate betrayal.
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DreamWorks
For the bulk of every Rocky and Bullwinkle episode, moose and squirrel would engage in high concept escapades that satirized geopolitics, contemporary cinema, and the very fabrics of the human condition. With all of that to work with, there's no excuse for why the pair and their Soviet nemeses haven't gotten a decent movie adaptation. But the ingenious Mr. Peabody and his faithful boy Sherman are another story, intercut between Rocky and Bullwinkle segments to teach kids brief history lessons and toss in a nearly lethal dose of puns. Their stories and relationship were much simpler, which means that bringing their shtick to the big screen would entail a lot more invention — always risky when you're dealing with precious material.
For the most part, Mr. Peabody &amp; Sherman handles the regeneration of its heroes aptly, allowing for emotionally substance in their unique father-son relationship and all the difficulties inherent therein. The story is no subtle metaphor for the difficulties surrounding gay adoption, with society decreeing that a dog, no matter how hyper-intelligent, cannot be a suitable father. The central plot has Peabody hosting a party for a disapproving child services agent and the parents of a young girl with whom 7-year-old Sherman had a schoolyard spat, all in order to prove himself a suitable dad. Of course, the WABAC comes into play when the tots take it for a spin, forcing Peabody to rush to their rescue.
Getting down to personals, we also see the left brain-heavy Peabody struggle with being father Sherman deserves. The bulk of the emotional marks are hit as we learn just how much Peabody cares for Sherman, and just how hard it has been to accept that his only family is growing up and changing.
DreamWorks
But more successful than the new is the film's handling of the old — the material that Peabody and Sherman purists will adore. They travel back in time via the WABAC Machine to Ancient Egypt, the Renaissance, and the Trojan War, and 18th Century France, explaining the cultural backdrop and historical significance of the settings and characters they happen upon, all with that irreverent (but no longer racist) flare that the old cartoons enjoyed. And oh... the puns.
Mr. Peabody &amp; Sherman is a f**king treasure trove of some of the most amazingly bad puns in recent cinema. This effort alone will leave you in awe.
The film does unravel in its final act, bringing the science-fiction of time travel a little too close to the forefront and dropping the ball on a good deal of its emotional groundwork. What seemed to be substantial building blocks do not pay off in the way we might, as scholars of animated family cinema, have anticipated, leaving the movie with an unfinished feeling.
But all in all, it's a bright, compassionate, reasonably educational, and occasionally funny if not altogether worthy tribute to an old favorite. And since we don't have our own WABAC machine to return to a time of regularly scheduled Peabody and Sherman cartoons, this will do okay for now.
If nothing else, it's worth your time for the puns.
3/5
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SonyPictures/YouTube
In the action packed trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) starts us off with his bleak realization that "Everyday I wake up knowing that the more people I try to save, the more enemies I will try to make and it's just a matter of time until I face those with more power than I can overcome." Well, Parker, it looks like you are correct. In just under three minutes we get a sneak peek at all Spider-Man's latest enemies, including Electro (Jamie Foxx), Rhino (Paul Giamatti) and Norman Osborn (Chris Cooper). Also introduced? Peter's friend (or foe) Harry Osborn played by up-and-comer Dane DeHaan.
First and foremost, we are shown Peter and Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone) are happily back together, though it seems like that relationship may not end well in the wake of all these new enemies. And (spoilers) if you know anything about the comics you know that Gwen Stacy doesn't last too long after the Green Goblin is created, and that Harry Osborn (DeHaan) eventually becomes the Green Goblin. So, after the quick and humorous introductory scene of the blissful duo, the trailer jumps right into the gritty and epic plot. Right off the bat Peter discovers that he has been under surveillance at OsCorp for years. Confused, Peter looks for answers and shocklingly finds out that his father's work may have been used to create his latest villain, Electro. And, it is that villain that dominates the rest of the trailer as we get plenty of glimpses of just how powerful Electro truly is. In the final minute, we see Spider-Man and Electro come face to face while swinging through the streets of Manhattan. It is then that Electro seems to be the most theatening as it looks like his may have the power to defeat Spider-Man, especially when he menacingly claims, "Soon everyone in this city will know how it feels to live in a world without power, without mercy, without Spider-Man." Yup, we got the chills too.
Begin your countdown, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 will hit theaters May 2, 2014.

Hemlock Grove hits Netflix April 19 and there's very little known about the brand new horror series, aside from the fact that the NSFW trailer scared (and grossed) the hell out of everyone in the Hollywood.com offices. Producer Eli Roth really does have a way with blood... and guts... and maggots... and bones protruding from skin. You get the idea.
But we generally know what the series is about (werewolves), who it's from (Roth), why it's a big deal (Netflix's original programming slate), but who are all of these sexy (but also kind of terrifying) people bringing the book-to-series adaptation to life?
Famke Janssen
Stars As: Olivia Godfrey, matriarch of the wealthy Godfrey family.Notable Qualities: Cold, disarming stare; Apparent insatiable lust, which probably makes her a bit of a MILF.I Know That Face...: Yes, you definitely do. She's the mutant who stole Wolverine's heart in the X-Men movies: Jean Grey.Crush Potential: She's a hot mom with a dark side. Do the math.
Bill Skarsgård
Stars As: Roman Godfrey, son of Olivia and Dr. Norman Godfrey.Notable Qualities: Good at smoldering; often found fighting with his lusty mother; not averse to teaming up with presumed werewolf gypsies to solve murders.I Know That Name... Right?: Sort of. Bill is brother to True Blood's Alexander Skarsgård and son to Stellan Skarsgård. He's also got four names (Bill Istvan Günther Skarsgård) and was in 2012's Anna Karenina with Kiera Knightley.Crush Potential: He's practically got a pedigree as the younger brother of Alexander, plus he's pretty damn handsome. Yeah, you'll be crushing.
Landon Liboiron
Stars As: Peter Rumancek, a gypsy and quite possibly a werewolf.Notable Qualities: He's 17, considered "trailer trash" and a gypsy, and he teams up with the town's richest guy his age to solve a murder? You can bet his life is going to get all kinds of rough. It also means he's totally going to have sexual tension (and – we're guessing – then some) with Roman's sister.I Have No Idea Who This Guy Is: He's Canadian, so you guessed it! He was on Degrassi as Declan. American audiences may know him a little better at the son of Jason O'Mara's hero on the short-lived Fox Sci-Fi series Terra Nova. Crush Potential: Tortured werewolf? Duh.
Penelope Mitchell
Stars As: Letha Godfrey, another of the wealthy Godfrey brood.Notable Qualities: Pretty, blonde, likely to attract scruffy gypsy boys like Peter.I Have No Idea Who This Girl Is: The lovely Australian lady hasn't done much stateside, so this is a bit of a break for her. However, (fun fact) her cousin Radha Mitchell has had some success in the U.S. and is presently starring in ABC's Red Widow. Crush Potential: Look at that gorgeous face. Yes, dudes, there's crush potential.
Dougray Scott
Stars As: Dr. Norman Godfrey, husband of Olivia and father to Roman and Letha.Notable Qualities: Ruggedly handsome; he yells a lot in the trailer, so we're assuming as the patriarch of a wealthy family, he's seeking order in a world that's about to go completely nuts; owner of a biotech facility that could have something to do with the murder Roman and Peter are trying to solve.I Know His Face...: Do you like Drew Barrymore movies? Even the ones where she messes with history and fairy tales and murders a British accent while playing a French girl? Then you probably recognize this rascal from Ever After, Barrymore's strange twist on the classic Cinderella tale.Crush Potential: He seems a little sinister so far, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
Lili Taylor
Stars As: Lynda Rumancek, gypsy mom extraordinaire to Peter (could this casting be any better?).Notable Qualities: She's a gypsy and her son is telling people he's a werewolf. Prepare for sass. I Know Her Face...: You'd netter know her face, she was in such classic films as Mystic Pizza and Say Anything... plus she was a regular on Six Feet Under (if you didn't watch it, scurry over to Netflix right now, slacker). She also introduced the founding members of the band Veruca Salt to one another, so, you're welcome.Crush Potential: She's a pretty lady, but my guess is that's not what she's here for.
Nicole Boivin
Stars As: Shelley Godfrey, youngest daughter of the wealthy, aloof Godfreys.Notable Qualities: She's apparently incredibly creepy, which is appropriate because you can bet the name "Shelley" (with an E) is an homage to Frankenstein author Mary Shelley. I Have No Idea Who This Girl Is: You wouldn't. This is her first acting gig.
Freya Tingley
Stars As: Peter's former friend Christina Wendall.Notable Qualities: She's a teenage girl who's mad at her best friend, who's a hot 17-year-old guy; the sparks will most certainly fly.I Have No Idea Who This Girl Is: This is her first project of note, through from the looks of the trailer, it may the start of many more.Crush Potential: She's pretty, she's young, why not?
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
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To be a great critic, you've got to have strong opinions and a forceful, eloquent manner of articulating them. Roger Ebert, who died yesterday at 70 after long battles with cancer, did just that, whether in print or on his TV show At the Movies. A lot of Ebert's opinions were pretty conventional — just look at the films included in his Great Movies books or Your Movie Sucks.
But when he went against the grain and praised a movie that everybody hated, his reasons for being contrarian could be that much more interesting. Here's Ebert in his own words (with links to the original reviews we're excerpting), as he defends, praises, or outright fawns over ten movies that you, and just about everybody else, including his fellow critics, absolutely despise.
Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) Rotten Tomatoes' Tomatometer: 2%
"In the first movie, if the bus stopped, everyone would get killed. In this one, if the ocean liner doesn't stop, everyone will get killed. It's a small twist, I grant you, but a decisive one ... Is the movie fun? Yes. Especially when the desperate Sandra Bullock breaks into a ship's supply cabinet and finds a chainsaw, which I imagine all ships carry. And when pleasure boaters somehow fail to see a full-size runaway ocean liner until it is three feet from them. Movies like this embrace goofiness with an almost sensual pleasure. And so, on a warm summer evening, do I."
Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties (2006): Tomatometer: 11%
Written Entirely from the Point of View of Garfield himself: "Having spent years within the cramped panels of a newspaper comic strip, I gloried in the freedom of the cinema. It allowed me to show off my body language: My languorous stretches, my graceful pirouettes, my daring leaps and bounds, my shameless affection for my owner, Jon (Breckin Meyer). There will be malcontents who claim I am not the real author of this review, because how could a cat know that after you mention a character in a movie, you include the name of the actor in parentheses? Do these people believe a cat lives in a vacuum? I read all the movie reviews, especially those of Ebert, a graceful and witty prose stylist with profound erudition, whose reviews are worth reading just for themselves, whether or not I have any intention of viewing the movie...
"Ebert, the smart and handsome one, gave thumbs up to my first movie, but Roeper, the other one, gave thumbs down and was particularly unkind. He went on forever attacking Ebert for liking Garfield. This from a man with enough taste to praise Duma. How very disappointing. One of Roeper's complaints was that I was animated and all of the other characters in the movie were 'real.' Do you have any idea how a statement like that hurts an actor who has worked all of his life as a media cat? Yes, Richard Roeper, I was animated. Read my lips: I am a character in a comic strip. What Roeper should have done for perfect consistency is complain that Dennis was not animated in Dennis the Menace."
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Knowing (2010) Tomatometer: 33%
"Knowing is among the best science-fiction films I've seen — frightening, suspenseful, intelligent and, when it needs to be, rather awesome. In its very different way, it is comparable to the great Dark City, by the same director, Alex Proyas. That film was about the hidden nature of the world men think they inhabit, and so is this one. The plot involves the most fundamental of all philosophical debates: Is the universe deterministic or random? Is everything in some way preordained or does it happen by chance? If those questions sound too abstract, wait until you see this film, which poses them in stark terms: What if we could know in advance when the Earth will end?"
The Happening (2008) Tomatometer: 17%
"For some time the thought has been gathering at the back of my mind that we are in the final act. We have finally insulted the planet so much that it can no longer sustain us. It is exhausted. It never occurred to me that vegetation might exterminate us. In fact, the form of the planet's revenge remains undefined in my thoughts, although I have read of rising sea levels and the ends of species...I suspect I'll be in the minority in praising this film. It will be described as empty, uneventful, meandering. But for some, it will weave a spell. It is a parable, yes, but it is also simply the story of these people and how their lives and existence have suddenly become problematic. We depend on such a superstructure to maintain us that one or two alterations could leave us stranded and wandering through a field, if we are that lucky."
2012 (2010) Tomatometer: 39%
"It's not so much that the Earth is destroyed, but that it's done so thoroughly. 2012, the mother of all disaster movies (and the father, and the extended family) spends half an hour on ominous set-up scenes (scientists warn, strange events occur, prophets rant and of course a family is introduced) and then unleashes two hours of cataclysmic special events hammering the Earth relentlessly. This is fun. 2012 delivers what it promises, and since no sentient being will buy a ticket expecting anything else, it will be, for its audiences, one of the most satisfactory films of the year."
Cop and a 1/2 (1993) Tomatometer: 17%
"Cop and a Half is a cheerful example of the 'wunza' movie, so named because of its popular formula, as in: 'Wunza cop and wunza robber,' or, in this case, "Wunza cop and wunza 8-year-old kid." You can almost hear the pitch being made in a producer's office, as the possibilities are discussed. There isn't much that's original in Cop and a Half, but there's a lot that's entertaining, and there's a winning performance by a young man with a big name, Norman D. Golden II, who plays little Devon Butler, a kid who dreams of someday wearing the shield."
She Hate Me (2004) Tomatometer: 19%
"Spike Lee's She Hate Me will get some terrible reviews. Scorched earth reviews. Its logic, style, presumption and sexual politics will be ridiculed. The Tomatometer will be down around 20. Many of the things you read in those reviews may be true from a conventional point of view. Most of the critics will be on safe ground. I will seem to be wrong. Seeming to be wrong about this movie is one of the most interesting things I've done recently. I've learned from it."
Anaconda (1997) Tomatometer: 38%
"Anaconda did not disappoint me. It's a slick, scary, funny Creature Feature, beautifully photographed and splendidly acted in high adventure style. Its snakes are thoroughly satisfying. The most dreaded predator of the Amazon, we learn, the anaconda can grow to 40 feet in length, and crushes its prey before engorging it whole (so whole that it eats an entire jaguar, leaving behind only a single poignant eyeball)...Anaconda is an example of one of the hardest kinds of films to make well: a superior mass-audience entertainment. It has the effects and the thrills, but it also has big laughs, quirky dialogue and a gruesome imagination. You've got to like a film where a lustful couple sneaks out into the dangerous jungle at night and suddenly the guy whispers, 'Wait—did you hear that? Silence!'''
Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace (1999) Tomatometer: 57%
"There is a sense of discovery in scene after scene of The Phantom Menace, as he tries out new effects and ideas, and seamlessly integrates real characters and digital ones, real landscapes and imaginary places...As surely as Anakin Skywalker points the way into the future of Star Wars, so does The Phantom Menace raise the curtain on this new freedom for filmmakers...As for the bad rap about the characters—hey, I've seen space operas that put their emphasis on human personalities and relationships. They're called Star Trek movies. Give me transparent underwater cities and vast hollow senatorial spheres any day."
Crash (2005) Tomatometer: 75%
Editor's Note: We realize this is a Certified Fresh score on Rotten Tomatoes, not to mention the fact that the movie won the Academy Award for Best Picture for 2005. However, in the years since its victory, an overwhelming backlash has met Crash, putting into stark relief just how ferociously Ebert championed the movie at the time, putting it at No. 1 on his Best of 2005 list and introducing it at numerous festivals. He also thought it's a movie that can change its audience for the better.
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"Not many films have the possibility of making their audiences better people. I don't expect Crash to work any miracles, but I believe anyone seeing it is likely to be moved to have a little more sympathy for people not like themselves. The movie contains hurt, coldness and cruelty, but is it without hope? Not at all. Stand back and consider. All of these people, superficially so different, share the city and learn that they share similar fears and hopes. Until several hundred years ago, most people everywhere on earth never saw anybody who didn't look like them. They were not racist because, as far as they knew, there was only one race. You may have to look hard to see it, but Crash is a film about progress."
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
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Chris Cooper has just joined Marc Webb's The Amazing Spider-Man 2. He will play the character of Norman Osborn, adding to the already lengthy list of villains, THR reports.
Osborn is the alter ego of Green Goblin – who was played by Willem Dafoe in the original Spider-Man movies franchise – though it is unclear whether Cooper will portray that evolution into a villain in this film or in an upcoming sequel. Osborn starts out as a mentor to Spider-Man before turning bad. But even without Osborn as Green Goblin, there are already two other villains confirmed for The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Jamie Foxx as Electro and Paul Giamatti as The Rhino.
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Along with Foxx and Giamatti, Cooper joins Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone as they reprise their roles as Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy, along with newcomers Shailene Woodley as Mary Jane Parker, Dane DeHaan as Norman's son Harry Osborn, and Felicity Jones, though her character has not yet been revealed. The speculation on who Jones will be playing is Felicia Hardy, and possibly Hardy's alter ego, The Black Cat.
In the sequel, Peter Parker's life is busy – between taking out the bad guys as Spider-Man and spending time with the person he loves, Gwen, high school graduation can’t come quickly enough. Peter hasn't forgotten about the promise he made to Gwen’s father to protect her by staying away – but that's a promise he just can't keep. Things will change for Peter when a new villain, Electro, emerges, an old friend, Harry Osborn, returns, and Peter uncovers new clues about his past.
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Webb will return to direct, with Avi Arad and Matt Tolmach producing. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is set to hit theaters in 3D on May 2, 2014.
Follow Sydney on Twitter: @SydneyBucksbaum
[Photo Credit: Wenn]
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Remember back before he taught college courses and made films about himself making films whatever kind of nonsense is going on in Francophrenia, James Franco was the humble oddball pal of a New York photographer named Peter Parker? While Franco had his wonderful turn on Freaks and Geeks to his name, it was the Spider-Man trilogy that really launched awareness of the actor. Franco played second banana to Tobey Maguire's Parker as Harry Osborn, the affluent son of Spider-Man's first arch enemy in the series, Norman Osborn/The Green Goblin (Willem Dafoe).
When director Marc Webb decided to reboot the Marvel franchise in this year's The Amazing Spider-Man, he shot for the fresh young voices and faces of today: Andrew Garfield as the titular hero and Emma Stone as friend Gwen Stacy. And for the forthcoming second installment in Webb's series, he has announced a new Harry Osborn: 25-year-old Dane DeHaan, recognizable to fans of In Treatment (all two of 'em), religious viewers of True Blood (he had a small arc in Season 4), and this year's underrated found footage sci-fi flick Chronicle. The news was confirmed by Webb, who tweeted the below image of the young actor in character:
Like Franco, DeHaan has got both the traditional good looks and awkward charm of Franco to pull off the Harry we're expecting to see. But how will the actor make this character his own? DeHaan's range is exhibited by looking at his two feature roles in 2012: Lawless and Chronicle. The former, an adventurous period piece, armors DeHaan in a piercing sincerity and innocence, perfect for the early stages of the young Hosborn. But if Chronicle is any indication, we'll be seeing a darker, more tortured character than Franco was able to deliver in the largely fun, accessible Sam Raimi universe.
Whatever happens with DeHaan within the picture, let's hope he doesn't go all loony ten years later and start directing shoe commercials.
[Photo Credit: Twitter]
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