Vatican admits to bugging World Leaders' Phones

Pope Francis has admitted that his evenings are spent mostly listening in to the conversations of World Leaders.

It appears that it's not just the Americans who delight in invading the privacy of sovereign states. The Vatican have acknowledged that they have been at the forefront of a global 'Big Brother' operation for the past 25 years.

Pope Francis has defended the abuse, saying that it gives him a head start in knowing how to 'pray intelligently for a lost and broken world'. And also 'beats the shit out of watching EastEnders'.

According to the Pontiff, his own personal favourites are Obama himself, who he describes as 'a very naughty boy', Angela Merckel, 'a serial sex machine and my personal favourite for up-skirt photos', and Nick Clegg.

Apparently he listens to Clegg in the vain hope that the man will say 'anything that might be worthwhile'. As yet there's been nothing for four years.

In related news the Vatican have admitted that Pope Francis was only their 43rd choice, the first 42 failing their CRB checks.

Make ExiledRoyal's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

The former corpse and monarch is set to involve himself in the 21st Century by joining various social media.
The king was resurrected by royalist necromancers in 2012 but has maintained a low profile since his return to life.
Richard III was ki...

London- Britney Spears traveled to Britain to address the House of Commons to complain about the structure of the British government.
Spears complains that England is not a true democracy but a false democracy.
"After reading excerpt from Aris...

The Dalai Lama may be a man of few possessions™, but he's hoping to get the better of Anglican Archbishop Justin Welby in a very material manner; while also sticking up for the faithful (at least, the right kind of faithful, anyway).
Attendi...

Windsor Castle The Royal Family are having a battle royal since discovering Prince Henry gave Prince Charles some marijuana.
"If you thought he was boring before, you should here him now. If he gets started on the philosophy of gardening, he can g...

Homeless people in the the UK are turning to Sikh immigrants for help because Sikh people always offer their food to those who are downtrodden, out of luck, Untouchable and general cast outs.
It is in the Sikh tradition to help down and outs and...

A scandalous leaked document from the Vatican highlights an utterly disgraceful and absolutely unbelievable lapse of judgment on the part of top Church authorities, which will almost certainly make the Church's reputation plummet to unprecedented dep...

Cornflakes, Frosties and Co-co Pops have all indicated they will take industrial action at the beginning of the week after it was revealed that a former serial killer who ate his victims, has been made CEO of Kellogs.
Many other breakfast staples...

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock informed us this morning that he had a great idea for a story last night, then promptly forgot what it was and spent the remainder of yesterday evening repeatedly punching himself in the face until bed time.
"I was wa...