Category: Social Skills

Before i lay down my solutions and healing techniques to help overcome abandonment issues in adults that is carried forward from childhood ,I want to reveal that i am not a psychologist or psychiatrist or anything.I talk from the understanding i gained from my own experience and from the experiences of similar people who were struggling with abandonment issues as adults,with whom i had a chance to interact and help with.

Abandonment Issues and Parenting

The Fear of abandonment is a traumatic feeling experienced not just by children.It is a issue faced by adults across all ages and seniors also. Most of us think that people with the fear of abandonment acquired it because they have lost someone who loved them and are very close to them during their childhood,like a father or mother or both parents.While that is true to some extend many people may exhibit all the symptoms of abandonment issues but they may not have lost their parents.The reason can be a lot of things,Maybe they were Emotionally abandoned by parents who were too busy to physically and emotionally care for their children or they may have just grown up with the wrong Perception that their parents don’t care and love them and they may have based their perception on some specific incidents and memories from childhood.

Abandonment Issues can be categorized in to two Types

Physical Abandonment:
Physical abandonment is what a child goes through when he/she loses one or both of their Parents and have to relocate to live with a distant relative.It can also be when the father or mother has left the family to live with some other person.Emotional Abandonment:
Emotional Abandonment is when a Person who is very close to you suddenly stopped loving and caring for you.Or it can be that even though you grow up with both your parents you felt that you didn’t receive the love and care you needed as a Child.Make no mistake,Emotional Abandonment is equally painful like Physical Abandonment.

Signs and Symptoms of Abandonment issues in adults

If you are single….

Do you feel lonely and Bored and you yearn for that special someone you always dream about.Yet, when you come across someone resembling the one in your dream ,you avoid them.You avoid talking to them,avoid even seeing them because deep inside you feel you are not worthy of them.But you daydream that that special person will fall in love with you stalk you and get in to a relationship with you.

Are you Jealous of other people in relationship? Are you jealous and cry in your heart when someone you are attracted to talks and mingles socially with other people?

Are you over emotional ?You have grown up still you react like a child in specific situations and people.

Do you suppress your emotions and try hard not showing any emotions to other people?

Do you second-guess and rewind and playback every single thing you said in a conversation because it will be misinterpreted by others and start worrying?

If you are in a relationship…

1.Do you try hard and go out of your ways to impress your partner because you want to keep them and you don’t want to get abandoned.

2.Do you suspect that your partner will leave you for someone else and keep a watchful eye on them?Are you clingy and needy and make your partner suffocated?

3.Do you fall for unavailable partners who don’t care about you and for people who are way below your league?

If you are a Parent…

Do you feel uncontrollable anger and get upset at your child when they cry loudly or Talk loudly or when they put you in specific situations outside your comfort zone?

Do you blame your children for everything and expect them to behave like adults.Do you expect them to take responsibility for their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, but you yourself are not good at it?

You want your kids to be more emotionally intelligent and have the social skill that you lacked.But,when they learn and mirror your behavior you get nervous and you shout and get mad at them.

It doesn’t matter whether you are just starting to wonder if you are really socially awkward and questioning yourself ‘am i socially awkward?’ or if you have successfully convinced yourself that you are socially awkward long ago,this post is going to be of some help as we are going to take a detailed look from the definition to effective ways to become less socially awkward.

First take this ‘Am i really Socially Awkward’ Test Quiz

1.Do you feel restless or anxious when waiting in public for someone or something?

2.Do you feel that People are staring at you and often check whether people stare at you after doing something in social situations?You have difficulty in making and maintaining eye contact with people?

3.In social gatherings do you feel embarrassed in meeting and mingling with the guests and cling to only few people you are close to?And when your close friend goes to mingle with new people you feel self anxious and conscious and stand there without knowing what to do.

4.When you happen to share your office lift with some one from your work you anxiously wait till the lift reaches the destination to get out of the situation?If some kind of interaction takes place do you rehearse what happened in your mind for the next ten minutes?

5.When you spot someone from your workplace in a public place do you slow down or hurry up your steps to avoid meeting them and if you happen to meet them accidentally you feel socially inept ?

6.In social gatherings where you have the compulsion to interact with others and when you approach people and start communication with others do you feel Ignored? Or do you end up saying things that you should not be saying and spend the rest of the evening mulling over the incident?

7. Are the things you say to others with good intentions get misunderstood and misinterpreted by others and you feel socially inept and awkward?

8.Do you feel lonely and feel you have no meaningful relationship with others except one or two close friends?

9.Do You take a long time to come up with things to say to someone after your initial ‘hi’ and ‘hello’.Do you Run out of things to say in the middle of a conversation and the awkward silences force you to blurt out secrets or things that you are not supposed to say to them…

If you have answered most of the questions with YES or Hell Yes! then you so feel that you have socially awkward issues.Good news is that you can work on it and stop feeling awkward sooner with the right techniques and tools.

People with social awkwardness may find it a rough ride navigating the social situations and scenarios life throws at them. It’s like they are a sailor in rough seas who lost his compass.So to find their way out of rough seas and cruise to a happy island all they need is to find a Tool like a compass,or a GPS.NLP has plenty of Tools and Techniques to help overcome social awkwardness some of them so effective that you can see results after a couple of trials.

Courage is something that everyone needs in their life to make like easy. It was considered as one of the most important virtue a Man has to posses. Most of the people in the world may have education, wealth, beauty etc.. but people with great Courage and confidence are the only ones that get a place in History. Those who are brave and Bold and courageous alone have the power to bring the masses under their influence.

If you have a glance of the World History only the name of the courageous men withstand their fame, for their Brave actions, for a long time. Hercules, Napoleon, Alexander etc.. are just a few names of courageous men who changed the flow of history.

courageous-people_with_confidence

What is Courage?

Courage is nothing but a state of mind devoid of fear and it can be achieved with the help of Positive thought. An Indian Saint Swami Vivekananda once told “You are what you think”, our inner conscious decides how to frame our life. Our thoughts have that much power to design the life of a person. If you think Good, Good things will happen in your life. If you think Bad, the same will reflect. So we should be very careful in developing our thought since our thought becomes our speech, our speech becomes our action, our action becomes character. So if we have brave thoughts, you will become courageous and confident.

For example, if you have the self image that you are strong and energetic, you will definitely be considered strong and courageous by the outer world. By contrary, if you think you are weak in a negative way, the result will be as our thinking.

Courage is nothing but overcoming fear with positive mind set.

Fear

Fear is the basic human emotion or behavior which we tend to get from Mind through our Nervous system. It a natural phenomenon and it is possible for us to avoid easily if we follow some certain set of rules/practices

Types of Fear

There are so many types of fear in this world and following is the some of them which we commonly used to see around us

if we are going to do new a new thing which was not done earlier, automatically we get afraid about that. This is the fear of new things.

We would have seen in our work place, normally most of the person get tensed or afraid to speak with their Boss or Superior

This is one type of fear i.e Fear of Superiors

In some peculiar cases, some Men hesitate to speak with Girls or women without any concrete reason.(Some Women also react the same towards men )

This is the fear of Opposite Sex

Like this, there are many fears(Phobia) in this world to overcome

Identifying Fears:

First of all, we should identify and label our inner fears.It is the first and most important step to nail your fear and become courageous.

List out the Fear:

To identify this, we have to carefully watch our own thought from the beginning of the day and should take a note for what are all the things suddenly we are afraid of.

List it down and find yourself by raising a question that whether a valid reason is available to get nervous or being afraid of.

Expose yourself to your worst fears:

The best way to overcome fear is to experience the fear by doing that thing what we were afraid of. This itself will make us stronger and bold.

Acting on the thing without delay:

If you are afraid of Boss means, Go and speak with Boss without any further delay/hesitation. The moment you complete the conversation with your Boss, you will definitely get a courage of overcoming the thing what you have earlier considered as Fear

Continuous and uninterrupted thinking

If you want to achieve a great thing then our whole mind and soul have to think about that again and again imagining that our target has been achieved successfully.

Thinking again and again about a thing in a smooth way will surely give us positive result. This is one of the ways to be courageous

Visualize

If you are participating in a Karate competition and you feel that there are many participants are more powerful than you then Imagine that you are beating and kicking your opponent hardly irrespective of how strong he/she may be (or) imagine getting Championship cup from Referee after winning the final tournament.Visualizing something like this will not do you any harm it will make you feel better and give you a better chance to succeed.This type of positive Visualization in your mind will bring you more energy and power and you will see miracles happen in your life.

Developing Confidence:

Confidence and courage is like two side of a coin. If one side is not present, obviously the coin becomes invalid .So don’t let your confidence down at any moment

The More you are Confident, the More you will succeed

If you are truly not confident means, at least try to pretend that you are confident

Meditation

Meditation is the process of controlling mind in the right path. Controlling mind requires practice and it should be done in a calm place. At the starting stage of Meditation there should not be any distraction in this process so you should choose a place which fulfills the requirement. After practicing for some time you would be able to meditate wherever you are. Closing your eyes and breathing deeply as well as slowly is the main strategy for a good meditation. While meditating we should bring in the thought for what you are afraid of and to enhance or chat yourself that you have overcome that fear and it is nothing to be afraid of anymore. Sometimes during meditation definitely negative thoughts may arise and try to conquer your mind. But we should carefully watch our thought and should concentrate on the good and positive things only.

Mirroring is one of the most usable tool from Neuro linguistic Programming that can be put to use in our day to day real life situations though its usage is widely known in the dating and flirting scenarios.Mirroring is a Rapport gaining Technique.Mirroring body language creates instant Rapport between two people,even between complete strangers.Mirroring Body Language

One of my clients who learned the Mirroring Technique from me Wrote back to me,as below…
I just finished reading your work and of course I’m going to read it again and again but just to make sure I understand. The only thing necessary to master this skill is to be able to catch what non verbal communication they do and mimic that and they will feel a connection with you and like you?

Mirroring Body Language

My Answer is…
YES.
Technically in NLP (Neuro linguistic Programming) we call this ‘Make anyone like you’ thing as RAPPORT.
Once you gain the RAPPORT with anyone they will Listen to you and continue further conversation with you with interest.
If you don’t gain initial Rapport the other person will try to end the conversation and get on with their business.
What we are doing here by mimicking their ‘nonverbal hello’ is…we are sending a message to their subconscious that you are similar to the other person.This will make them like you.

If you still wonder how this could work out…I would recommend you to Try this with people in real life….Start with ordinary people like your subordinate or waiter etc…before trying it on your boss.And,get back to with your feedback.I will help you to integrate this working technique in real life.
Never hesitate to contact me anytime.