Steven Crowder Says Women Who Have Pre-Marital Sex Are "Floozies!"

Abstinence advocate and Fox News contributor Steven Crowder has FINALLY LOST HIS VIRGINITY AND IT WASAWESOME!!! His latest gag inducing column, "Waiting till the wedding night – getting married the right way." is all about how the post-nuptial bliss that he and the Mrs. enjoyed was due to their pre-marital avoidance of any sexual contact whatsoever and that, according to Crowder, included not engaging in Bill Clinton style oral gratification. Nosiree, Crowder didn't do the nasty before he put a ring on it and if he can do it, so should you.

And, ladies, if you do succumb to your base carnality, and start "schtupping" you're a ""floozie." You guys, however, are just engaging in "pathetic sexual conquests." Crowder is proud of "doing it right." (Just missionary?) and as such his wedding night was "amazing" starting with Crowder carrying the new Mrs. Crowder (the former Hilary Korzon) over the threshold of their hotel room on their way for a little "nightcap."

So there you have it. According to the pure and virtuous Crowder, all of you who live in a "harlot/mimb world," are just a bunch of "promiscuous charlatans." As the "church lady" would say, isn't that special!"

Addendum: Wonder if we'll be seeing Mrs. Crowder working for Fox News. She's a perfect fit - an attractive blonde who took time off from her modeling career to attend conservative, Christian Calvin College (political science grad) during which time she interned for Laura Ingraham. She also interned at the conservative National Journalism Center (Young America Foundation affileiated with the Reagan Ranch) where she was wowed (page 4) by Ann Coulter. She still finds time to do some modeling. Here's wishing the newleyweds many happy years with many happy, conservative kids.

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In olden times and perhaps even today, in some places on this planet, the mother of the bride would give her daughter a little pigs bladder filled with chicken blood and tell her not to let her husband see it and never to tell any man about such a thing. It was only one of the secrets of women. The bride would learn only later how important it was and she would do same for her daughters.
My impression is that most men are smarter nowadays. My idea is that Crowder is spouting off that nonsense to the tune of $$$$$ the of FNC being to get out the vote of the bitter and the nostalgic. Won’t make much of a difference if most of that category already belongs to the Tea Party faction.

Let’s see… Crowder calls women who disagree with him lesbians, portrays strong women as mentally ill, attacks their rights, implies that men who respect them are homosexuals, checks out anything in s skirt, talks about his sex life on national TV- and he looks like a shaved ape with his face stuck in a Chris Farley expression.

Yeah, I’m sure temptation was a problem for him. Money only goes so far, Crowder. BTW, how sure are you that your wife was a virgin? $10 says you’re still telling yourself she just had good instincts.

Wow! I dont want to know anything about this guys sex life. The only reason to I could imagine to mention it would be to encourage others to follow his lead. And yet Steve happily took the opportunity to bash those who don’t make the same choices he does. A tactic we’ve all grown quite accustomed to from listening to anyone with self esteem issues. It is a pathetically transparent attempt to make himself feel superior to others. I only mention this obvious observation in an attempt keep him from embarrassing himself with the same tactic again.

So, what about women who’ve been divorced and then get remarried? Virginity isn’t something that can be replaced or repaired.

I’d also like to get Mrs Crowder’s uncensored and completely impromptu version of the wedding night. Most guys are NOT really all that good their “first time”—sex really is one of those “practice makes perfect” subjects. Most guys overrate their sexual performance, especially their first time. They figure—“I got it in and I got off; I’m a stud.” Then, they confirm it by asking the woman how it was for her. Most women will lie because they know how fragile the male ego is (but in her mind, she’s thinking, “Is that all there is? Where were the skyrockets? Where was the earth-shattering kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!* He barely got in before he’s grunting and rolling over and asking how I liked it. What a schlub. And I waited for that? Now I get all those jokes from ‘Married with Children.’ Now, I guess I’d better figure out what Peggy needed batteries for. Oh, he’s looking like he needs an answer. I guess I’d better tell him he was fantastic. Of course, he won’t consider that, as a virgin, I have no real guideline to go by.”) Incidentally, did Mr Crowder do the old traditional thing and “check the bedsheet” for that “proof of virginity?” (That’s a reference to olden days—especially in a lot of orthodox religious traditions—when the bride’s virginity was proven by the appearance of blood on the sheets. After the couple finished, the bride’s parents—frequently the father—would rush in and get the sheets and, if a spot of blood was found, proudly display that as proof his daughter was a virgin.)

And, of course, he’s just called mAnn Coulter a “floozy.” (I just wonder if anyone’s brought this new info to mAnn’s attention?)

*The previous fictitious thoughts by Mrs Crowder come to you courtesy of the legendary Peggy Lee, Bobby’s first kiss on “The Brady Bunch” and Marvin the Martian.

I suspect Stevie’s been hired to fire up the bitter old folks. Last Sunday, on F&F, he went on and on about free-loading Millennials who mooch on their parents, want public funded birth control, etc. etc. Now he’s such a goody two-shoes who abstains before marriage. Why do I have difficulty believing what he says?