Author
Topic: Your best one liners??? (Read 8324 times)

I'm starting two posts this and one called PUNCHLINES where all you give is the punchline and see if others remember or heard the joke. Good thing about punchlines, the joke can be risque' but the punchline perfectly clean.

But here is my entry in ONE LINE JOKES:

A club sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

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"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

Please enjoy the forum, and if it has helped you in any way, we hope that a small donation can be made to support our FULLY member supported forum. You will never see advertisements here, and that is because of the generous members who have made our forum possible. We are in our second decade as a beekeeping forum and all thanks to member support. At the top right of every page is a donations link. Please help if you can.

.....The greatest changes occur in their country without their cooperation. They are not even aware of precisely what has taken place. They suspect it; they have heard of the event by chance. More than that, they are unconcerned with the fortunes of their village, the safety of their streets, the fate of their church and its vestry. They think that such things have nothing to do with them, that they belong to a powerful stranger called “the government.” They enjoy these goods as tenants, without a sense of ownership, and never give a thought to how they might be improved.....

a guy walks into a bar and says ow. 2 guys walk into a bar you"lld think one of them would of seen it. A nun, preist ,2 rabbii's, and 7 penguins walk into a bar the bartender looks up and says " what is this a joke?"

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You don't need a parachute to sky dive.... you do how ever need one to sky dive twice. KJ4QMH.

Hay Y'all watch this!!!!..................Wrote a song about it like to hear it here ya go.............................Ever danced with the Devil in the pale moon light?Can Geico save you a ton of money?......................

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To bee or not to bee that is the question I wake up to answer that every morning...

How are a tornado and an Osteen divorce alike?...no matter what, somebody's loosin' a trailer!

They invented the tooth brush here...anywhere else it would've been called the "teeth" brush.

Scott

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"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."