Iron & Wine a.k.a. Sam Beam and whichever group of his friends are not currently napping, have announced plans for a fall tour. After snacking on a hearty meal of rare steak (a great source of iron) and boxed zinfandel (which is a wine for all of you non-aficionados), the band will hit the road in support of Ghost on Ghost. Ghost on Ghost is of course the band’s daring concept album from earlier this year about the pleasures and pitfalls of ghost sex and the ghost porn industry. Ever the committed storyteller, Beam apparently spent almost two full years researching for the album by interviewing all the ghosts that he met. He says, “Most ghosts are actually friendly, though some can be real dicks. In the end, ghosts are just like people, honestly,” demonstrating the true depth of his scholarly investment in the album’s content.

But enough about the prurient appeal of the album. The Ghosts Are Honestly Just Like People Except for Maybe a Little Kinkier tour, which kicks off later this month, is about more than just ghosts repeatedly penetrating other ghosts. Iron & Wine’s upcoming tour will also lend a helping hand to two very worthy causes. The first is the Midwives Alliance of North America, for which the band will play a benefit concert in Austin in July. Next, The Alliance of Beleaguered Music News Writers In Favor of Everyone Just Picking One God Damn Way to Spell The Word Theat(re)(er), or TABMNWIFEJPOGDWSWT, will feel the weighty support of Iron & Wine throughout the month of September, as profits from those shows will support the alliance’s efforts. All my journalism instincts are raging against what I’m about to do, they’re telling me, “Taylor, you’ve got to stay objective and just tell people the facts,” but you know what? Screw it! TABMNWIFEJPOGDWSWT, you have my full support! After writing up the dates for this upcoming Iron & Wine tour, I just can’t take it anymore. Mr. Beam, I’ll see you in September!