Games Women Play

When you fall in love with someone, the next step should be as easy as walking up to him and saying that you’d like to date him, right? Well, if only it were that simple. What is really likely to happen is that, scared of rejection, you’d probably fall back upon the time-honoured feminine ruse of pretending indifference, while secretly hoping that he notices you and makes the first move. Many of us just don’t seem to be able to muster up the confidence to place our needs upfront without worrying that we’ll appear either pathetic or desperate or needy. “I really like my brother-in-law’s friend. He seems to like me too. But I don’t know whether he likes me as a friend or there’s more to it. And I dare not tell him how I feel because I don’t want to risk any awkwardness,” says Delhi-based stylist Niharica Seth. “So what I do, instead, is think of ways in which we can keep meeting. But I am getting a little tired of this drama now and wish he’d get the hint.”

Think you’re a good girl?According to Delhi-based marriage counsellor Dr Gitanjali Sharma, women tend to play these kind of games because they are conditioned to believe that “good girls don’t make the first move” and also because they fear boys who have been similarly preconditioned will reject them for being “forward”. Dr Sharma warns these ploys could backfire and be counter-productive. “People don’t have the time to go through these elaborate mating rituals, so if you keep acting coy, you might scare off a guy for good.” Like it happened for research assistant Sumana Roy. “My colleague Rajeev claimed that he was very attracted to me and made no secret of the fact,” she says. “Even though I loved all the attention and liked him a lot as well, I would pretend to get irritated because I didn’t want to give in too easily. But slowly the display of affection started becoming lesser and soon it was all over the office grapevine that he was seeing another girl.”

Take the initiative Playing games in a relationship might be second nature to us because this is how we try to maintain our mystique or shield ourselves from hurt and rejection. However, Mumbai-based psychiatrist Dr Yusuf A Matcheswalla says, the world belongs to the brave. So when you find a guy you like, don’t waste time playing games. “If you are looking for a serious relationship and find a guy who you think is perfect for you, tell him how you feel,” he says. “Men recognise sincerity, so there is a strong chance that he will reciprocate. And in any case, it is better to start off a relationship with honesty rather than deceit and subterfuge.”

What boys think“Being direct kills the fun, so playing around keeps the spark alive. It mostly works because guys can see through these games and if a girl is playing them, it probably means that she likes him. I prefer it when a girl lets me know about her feelings indirectly.” Nitin Rola, 26, production manager

“A girl, or even a guy, should approach the person they like, without thinking too much about what the other person’s reaction will be. Instead of playing games, if a girl loves a man and it shows, he will reciprocate. And they’d eventually have a long-lasting relationship.”Nishant Nayyar, 24, founder, a marketing communication company