Help & Advice

Let's face it: life is busy and all of us are guilty of taking our partners/husbands/wives for granted from time to time. Valentine's Day may be a "Hallmark holiday" to some, just another commercial event contrived to get us to spend money, but for me, it's a time to really stop and try—try hard—to connect with the feelings of romance, intimacy and companionship that are such unique and vital components to a loving partnership.

For pregnant women, romance and intimacy—both physical and emotional—may be different now.

If you and your partner are expecting, especially expecting a first baby, Valentine's Day may be fraught with additional expectation or emotion. Or not. Each woman is different, and the effect of pregnancy on feelings, emotions and sexuality are unique to her. Pregnancy can mean that a couple shares more physical intimacy...or less. It can bring them closer together emotionally, or highlight distances, like it did for me when I was pregnant.

My own personal experience was that I felt more romantic, more amorous, more easily aroused and sexier during pregnancy.

Emotionally, however, I was conflicted. At once I felt both a deeper connection with my husband and a desire for greater emotional intimacy because of our shared responsibility in creating the life growing inside me, and yet I felt a greater anxiety about our relationship and disconnect as he seemed to drift away and react negatively to my body.

I understand that for other women, the experience could be just the opposite of mine.

Many pregnant women dislike their round, large, changed bodies and feel unattractive. They don't want to be physically intimate because they feel so self-conscious of their bigness.

Meanwhile, their partners may find pregnancy's changes to be an incredible turn-on. Larger breasts, your rounded belly, and even your new vulnerability may make your partner feel extra amorous and romantic toward you.

It could be that you both feel that your body's changes from pregnancy turn up the sexy.

Then again, sexy might be the furthest thing from your mind if you have physical pregnancy discomforts, too. Round ligament pain, low back pain, Braxton-Hicks contractions, cervical discomfort, increased breast sensitivity, and varicosities such as hemorrhoids can all make a pregnant woman less likely to be "in the mood" than before.

And hormones. Ah, the pregnancy hormones. Many women find themselves crying at romantic commercials during pregnancy, or crying at patently un-romantic commercials and media content, suddenly more overwhelmed or scared by messages they're seeing on TV. I'm not even pregnant now and even I cry at the Visa commercial that's airing now in advance of the Winter Olympics--you know the one showing the mothers with their little babies who grow up to be Olympic athletes?

Emotionally, however, you might deeply desire to be closer to your mate. Excitement about creating a child together may strengthen your bond. Emotional intimacy, support, and a connected emotional journey could make your pregnancy feel very romantic, even if the physical relationship is less active than before.

In all, pregnancy can impact our emotions, sexuality and romantic tendencies in so many ways, and as Valentine's Day nears, it's worth it to take a few moments to get in touch with your feelings and expectations about the holiday...and about your relationship.

Does pregnancy make you feel more or less romantic? Will your pregnant Valentine's Day be different than ones before?