This blog is dedicated to our family's journey with a 14q deletion. Join us as we take one of the roads less traveled...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Just some thoughts. I know it has been a while since my last post. Just haven't felt like getting sucked into that much time on the computer and I guess no news is good news :)I think most of you know by now that I am pregnant and our newest little one will be here sometime late January or early February. I love being pregnant! I love giving birth! I love all of it! Some of you might think I am crazy and that is okay. I still love it. For those who knew me many years ago, you might be laughing hysterically as I was the one who vehemently declared to everyone that might be listening that I would NEVER have kids. Let's just say God does have a sense of humor. A big one! This pregnancy has been so different from my pregnancy with Mikah. I am in a different place and it just feels normal. I can't really express it in words. You know if you have been there what I mean. I think subconciously I knew there was something wrong with Mikah. I think my 'knowing' was overshadowed by the giant fog in my brain created by the death of my brother and sister-in-law's baby, Alastair. That is a whole 'nother post which may never get written. I'll just sum it up by saying that it is different, in a marvelous, wonderful, miraculous way. God is healing my broken heart through this pregnancy. We are so excited for so many reasons. For Mikah to have a little brother or sister to grow up and compete with. For Ellie to have another sibling to love. For us to experience another perfect miracle and gift. We are also excited because there was a brief moment when there was a possibility, from the doctor's perspective, that I may not be able to get pregnant again. Now, who knows, God was probably laughing hysterically at them. Children are such a gift. How anyone could not want more, is beyond me. God desires for us to be blessed in amazing ways and one of those ways is through the arrows He plants in our quivers, if we allow Him the opportunity. Again, another post worth of discussion and thoughts.I guess I just wanted to say Hi. We are still here and kicking (some of us quite literally and mommy's bladder is protesting). We are just taking a slower pace to life right now. One that doesn't include a lot of blogging time :)

"Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a handicapped child.

"The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," says God. "Could I give a child with a handicap to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps. "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied."

"She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations."

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.