Category Archives: Gaming

We all knew that Activision were shit. There has never been any doubt surrounding that statement, but in it’s worst move ever – a rep for this pathetic company has insinuated that it would be in Craptivisions interests to shut down the PSN servers instead of paying some gook fifty bucks to fix the disgrace that is Black Ops – online. There isn’t really much more to say than Activision are a bunch of cock smokers.

You know that feeling after being on a Coke bender all night and you’re all “damn my sinus is really hurting” so you go and grab yourself two or three aspirins and throw ’em back with a bourbon. Then after 15 minutes you start feeling so FUCKING FANTASTIC you could take on the world, only to realise that they weren’t aspirin, but Eckies? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…

Well that’s how I feel about this – Guybrush Threepwood will be an unlockable character in The Force Unleashed 2.

Wat-up, shitbags -TheOffensiveGamer here. So many of you will know that as a staunch MAC fanboy since ’94 – I have had some serious issues with Apple of late. (and by ‘late’ – I’m talking 2005). Some of these issues include me refusing to go Intel, refusing to buy an IPhone, refusing to use Itunes and basically refusing to be an all round wanker. Now sure most of you are now giggling like little school girls about the fact that I’m still using a Motorola chip and haven’t had any software updates for 2 years – well guess what? I’m a REAL MAC user (run and tell that, homeboy). Anyway, Just as I have been disenfranchised by my commie cancer ridden overlord – so you too should be worried about the future of gaming.

You see – Gaming (or Gayming as it is now known) has become nothing but a hobby for try hards and here are 5 (yeah 5 News 4 Gaymers) reasons why Gaming is the new lame.
5) Companies pumping out the same game with a different name every 6 months.
4) Those same games with different names – still don’t have their bugs fixed!

3) GAYLO REACH-around

2) FUCKING LAG!!!!!

1) Women playing with wands that aren’t attached to balls.

Now lets enjoy some clips to make us forget that we are now nothing more than a demographic.

Hang-on, I just need to snort this line of coke. Now where was I? Oh yeah – I’m back after 5 months of some seriously fucked up time travel. On my trip I realised that BFBC2 is for fags and the EA servers have gone to shit. (Roll the theme music)…

So gamers, 55 days to go until Call of Duty Black-Ops hits stores. To celebrate, I will be giving away some of Columbia’s finest. The 9th gamer to email me gets a early Christmas card stuffed with Miami gun powder. I will announce the winner next week. Until then enjoy this PSN gamer card for Black-Ops (just shoop your own fucking name on it, Boofheads).

Well, folks, guess what? That’s right fellow Aussie gamers, Ps3 gamers have had their arse ripped open and two fists shoved up their colon once again in the never ending war of ‘Get fucked – you own a PS3!’ Now you may remember a while back when TOG bit down on the wang of Infinity Ward and wouldn’t let go over the infamous lack of region locking for MW2? Well if not – you’re a fag. Anyhoo, here is the 911 ma-niggards.

The good folk at EA have decided to delay the release of the PS3 version of Battlefield Bad company 2 in Australia due to…Click here to find out why!

Are you sick of all the smug arse advertising that game companies subject us to? When was the last time you really gave a shit about an ad for a console? I too share your rage, so let’s take a look back in time to see how those motherfucking Japs did this shit right! Fuck you Sony – you can kiss my ring hole, Microsoft! Give me an old school homoerotic Ninty ad any day!

Recently I was thinking, fuck you would have to be a dick head to be spending your time playing MW2 on a console. Fortunately I went and bought some more beer and after 3 seconds decided that I had suffered alcohol withdrawal and that was why I had also shat myself- anyhoo…

Unlike Dice or Treyarch, Infinity Ward don’t give a crap about you or your community. This means you can wish in one hand and piss in the other till the cows come home, but your ain’t getting a Gamer Card. So here it is folks – ALL YOU NEED to make yourself the most awesome Gamer Card, Forum Signature, or Clan Logo.

Enjoy…

-TOG

BTW: Click HERE to see an example card on a forum. Click image below to save to your Desktop.