I do not make a habit of hanging out in restrooms, but I have noticed something happen every time I have gone into the work restroom here at the hallowed halls of my company. Every time I am in the restroom, the automated air-freshener dispenses a blast of pungent anti-stink scent. Every. Single. Time. Now, I have varied the frequency and times that I employ the restroom’s facilities, but every time I go to pee, there is a blast of supposedly “freshness” directed my way. Every. Single. Time. That being said, I have not done a longitudinal double blind observational time series to determine the overall frequency and “schedule” of the automatic air freshener. It may be that the thing goes off every 5 minutes no matter what, and the time it takes to void the bladder and wash my hands just puts me within the 5 minute window every time. Excuse me, I meant to type Every. Single. Time.

I have mentioned this to other restroom users whilst they attempt to make polite conversation with me during the time that biological necessities are being performed, but I only get polite acknowledgement of the comment. Other polite work restroom topics such as “the weather,”“local sporting events,” and “would rather be home” seem to evoke a more boisterous response than “Man, that air freshener goes off every time I am in here. Wacky, huh?” It makes me wonder if I am one of the few people that it constantly tries to “freshen.”

To my knowledge, I do not stink, and I should know, I live with a woman who has no compunction telling me that I “stink like ass” or that I am “tangy… in a bad way.” She has on multiple occasions asked, “So, you ARE going to shower this morning, right?” I know full well that it is not a question, but that is beside the point. The point is that my work restroom seems to think that I need freshening. Every. Single. Time. I cannot constantly stink. (author’s note: I understand that I am opening myself to co-worker/friend/family ridicule here, and I am sure my comments will reflect many a person telling me that I stink. That is a chance I am willing to take.)

I bathe too often to be perpetually malodorous. My diet is typical enough that I should not be emanating a bizarre odor do to spices and such. Frankly I am at a loss.

To recap:Not sure what is for dinner tonightI am sure it will be good thoughI need to sleep moreA lot more sleepTo my knowledge, I do not stinkMy knowledge really is rather limitedMy knowledge, however, is not rather The LimitedI am sure that many a commenter will let me know that I do, in fact, stinkHave a great weekend