As I grow older, my neuroses become more and more apparent to me. Apparently everyone else has known about them for quite some time.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

An Open Letter to Depression

Dear Depression,

I'm running again, so get lost already.

Oh don't think I didn't recognize you. I have seen you before. I felt you before I could see you. I felt you before you even got out of bed this morning.

I don't care that you think sleeping is optional during the night time hours. That's when runners sleep. I don't desire to examine any aspect of my life between 1am - 4am. You are a sick b*tch if you're into that.

When my alarm goes off at 4:30, don't even consider hitting the snooze button. I'm a runner, and a student, and a mom. This is my one shot to get my sweat on and I am getting up to run or swim, even if you tell me not to.

Napping isn't congruent with my lifestyle either, so the inescapable weariness you're ladling onto me midday is not going to cut it. I will keep shaking it off, I will refuse to crawl into my toasty warm bed until a respectably late hour after the sun has set.

The aching lump that chokes me, the one that can't be washed down by water, tea, or hot coffee is just going to be ignored. So is the unquenchable thirst, the sour taste, and the tightness in the back of my jaw.

Fighting you is making me tired, but I will win. You've celebrated your little "victory" too soon. Sorry but your a** is going down.

14 comments:

I love this! Keep re-reading it if necessary. I struggle with some depression too and it just makes me so mad that I give in to those things sometimes. You control how you feel and it sounds like you know how to squash those horrible things that can keep some people down. Best of luck to you!!

This post has made me realize that I am not alone! This post has described what I have been feeling the past few months! Thank you for this and showing me that not only am I not alone but I can and will overcome it!

seriously, G, you are one incredibly talented writer. thank you.i have had several bouts of depression in my life - so i understand these feelings all too well. good for you for being a fighter and kicking its a** to the curb!!!! xxxooo

About 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with depression. Although I haven't been on daily meds for several years now, I can feel that darkness trying to come over me at times. At least now I can recognize it for what it is and fight back.

Need to reach me?

Follow NofSahm by Email

About GBA GF

I'm a mother of 3 kids, and I stayed at home until they all went to school. A few years ago I decided to go back to college so that I can have a job I actually want instead of a job that I'm "stuck with" due to lack of skills. Now I'm a nurse, working full time, and I love it.
I like to write. I find peace when I draw. I meditate during my swim. I enjoy my ride. I love my run. A freaking lot. (Like a heroin addict loves H.)
I have run a lot of races, and while I'm super proud of the marathon that I finished in Dec '11, I'm equally proud of the 5K I finished in April of '08.
I grew up in Virginia Beach, and people always act like that's a big deal. "Wow, that must have been great". No, not really. It's not like I lived on the beach. I did try surfing once, but only once. Fortunately my nose wasn't broken...
~Savor the Run~

Incase of Emergency - BREAK GLASS

GARMIN FORERUNNER 305 Owners ~ Garmin Non-responsive? "nurse g." just wants to remind you that often a soft reset is as easy as holding the MODE & RESET buttons simultaneously for about 10 seconds. Let go of those two buttons, press the power button, and the unit will turn back on.

Defining GBA**

"...And I smiled to myself as I thought of EXACTLY what I would say when he asked me how I was feeling. I mean here I am.

I’m at frickin mile 23 1/2 of a marathon. I’m crushing my PR. I’m running with my POSSE. I have stopped to (unsuccessfully) vom on the side of the course. Yup. I knew what 2 words I would say.... at mile 24 Q dropped the other group, and I was rewarded for my patience. 'How you doing?' 'Galactically BadA$$'."