(13-02-2013 07:13 PM)Misanthropik Wrote: Don’t let the chiseled, glistening, god-like, panty-ruining, faint-inducing abs fool you. I do my fair share of sitting around; lazily surfing the internet. Sitting in a chair (or on the couch), laptop in front of me, mindlessly jumping from page to page; site to site; all in a futile effort to combat the sense of boredom with which I may find myself inflicted at any given time. Sometimes the creationists are all off at church, so there’s nobody to debate, and there is no new and interesting news being posted; only to have me repost it somewhere on the forum for everyone to laugh at. Sometimes, I dare say, I don’t even feel the need to look at photos of scantily-clad women engaging in varying forms of degradation. (That one’s a mystery even to me) So, with little else to occupy my time, I simply browse around; looking at places I may have been and searching for places I might yet visit. In my travels, I’ve seen many things. Things ranging from police chases; to fake news reports; to Megan Fox’s tongue-speaking habits; to a man being killed in an attempted copulation with a stallion. (Don’t ask)

Here, I will present some of my most regrettable observations in the form of complaints. These are things that drive me up a wall. Things that make me want to grow my hair to a manageable length, solely for the purpose of ripping it out in frustration. These are things I simply can’t stand about the internet.

1) Not enough porn. Yes, you heard correctly; I believe that there is a shortage of porn on the internet. And that’s surprising, considering it’s big business. In fact, the #1 search that is made on the internet - world-wide - is porn. (The second is Genealogy) I myself am a veteran in the search of the ol’ pr0n; having diligently scoured for it since I first learned what it was. (I remember bikini-line maintenance wasn’t as popular back then…*shudders*) After the advent of the “World Wide Web” in the early ‘90s, pornographic distribution across the internet became as easy as clicking a mouse, and the trend quickly gained speed - for obvious reasons. Since then, the internet has become absolutely overrun with such material. At this point, you can find virtually anything you want. If you want to search for “All-Male Masked-Midget Peanut Butter Spanking” (I’m not judging, Muffs), you can find it in seconds. So why am I complaining?

I can’t seem find what I want, when I want it. That’s right, sometimes I’m clicking away in frustration because I can’t find whatever obscure thing I’m in the mood for at the moment, and it irritates the hell out of me. And, unlike a lot of people, I’m not into the high-end, studio-quality material with cheap background music and those crazy positions. (The staircase is not a place to bend over backwards and do your business in a sideways position. That does not happen in real life. Stop trying to convince me that it does) And yet, this stuff is everywhere. But even when I do find something similar to what I’m looking for, it’s never good enough. They picked the wrong girl, or the cameraman sucked (not literally), or the video was too short. By the way, isn’t that basically what porn has become? A bunch of videos? Who thinks “pictures!” when someone mentions porn anymore? I mean there are pictures, sure, but aren’t they usually there so you can click on them and find a video?

In the end, I really shouldn’t complain about this. Millions upon millions of pornographic videos and pictures are available on the internet and I’m pissy when I can’t find “MILF gets DPed on Lunar surface”. I guess they’ll never have precisely what I’m looking for, no, but they do have a plethora of other options. Unlike back in the day, when all they had was this:
Sexy, huh?

2) Helpful search options. As in, typing “Why…” into your Google search and seeing an entire list of helpful options available, such as “why is the sky blue” or “why does it hurt when I pee” or “why did I get married” or “why can’t I get it up”. These options can be helpful, yes, but they’re always so distracting, and when an interesting one pops up, a part of me wants to go see why the hell anyone would search for “why wont my cat respond to my advances” and find out why there would be an entire section of “Yahoo answers” dedicated to it. Then I’ve completely forgotten what I was originally looking for, and I’m endowed with a new-found knowledge of why Fred’s cat isn’t into him. (Who knew cats where such fickle lovers?)

Not only that, but the search options have been known to get a guy or two in serious trouble. Back when I was 15, the options from my “How to…” search lead to a very serious and immensely uncomfortable conversation with dad. Not cool, Google. Not cool.

3) Memes. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not the use of memes that I mind. I actually think they’re quite amusing and, believe it or not, there are some very interesting sites dedicated to the history of various memes. The thing I don’t like about them is that they fall out of favor so quickly, and if you dare to use them after such time, you will be met with scorn. For example, I used to use a very popular meme after it went out of “style”. But then I took an arrow to the knee.

4) People who dont know how to use proper punctuation its like duh youd think they could get their point across without exposing how asinine they are and then when you call them out on it they're like come on it’s the internet

5) I don’t like the fact that the internet creates a sense of anonymity, which usually brings out everyone’s inner asshole. Granted, I like when people don’t beat around the bush. I like when they can express how they’re feeling without the baggage of politeness and unnecessarily-extensive manners. But people don’t stop there. People become outrightly hostile in a way that can only be described as baffling. If an individual makes even the slightest of spelling mistakes (one which can be easily excused as a simple slip of the finger upon the keyboard), they are immediately labeled a “retard” and made a mockery of. If they make even the most benign of nonsensical comments, someone will surely be on their way to mention that it “seems a village has lost its idiot”. There is no room for error on the internet, because you will be attacked. Which is rather ironic, because you will be attacked with a slew of typos and grammatical dumb-fuckery. That’s because everyone - regardless of age - is a 14-year-old on the internet. Go figure.

6) I absolutely hate it when I try to click on a picture of a sexy gal on Google images, only to discover that

7) The little “loading” wheel that circles around the center of a Youtube video you really, really wanna watch. I've got nothing really extensive to say about the loading wheel. Just that...you know...they should fix it.

8) Misinformation. The problem with many of the informational sites on the internet is that they are not created by an individual with a Phd or a doctorate in the specific topic. Rather, they are created and operated by Joe Dickface who has a Phd in beer-guzzling and a doctorate in 4th grade English spelling. (That’s how he makes his false information seem so believable) Even websites such as Wikipedia are controlled by the average citizen - an individual who knows absolutely fuck-all about pretty much everything. The internet has been a wonderful way for knowledge in a vast array of fields to be shared among sound-minded individuals. Unfortunately, it’s also become a soap box from which any moron can spew his or her useless garbage to an equally-moronic audience; thus allowing their moronic moronicy to continue like the moronic moronicy that it is.

After all, just look at us. For a second, I made you believe that “moronicy” can be passed off as a real word. Thank you for proving my point. Moron.

Only a licensed physician (and sometimes, not even they) can determine what your particular ailment is. I’m tired of logging on to WebMD to figure out why my toe wont stop aching; only to learn that I’ve got a bad case of those chest-burster things from the Alien movie.

10) Trolls. Oh yes, you knew I’d get to them. Nobody likes a troll. But you know what the worst part is? That’s why the fuck they do it! Nobody likes a troll, which is precisely why there are trolls. Perhaps one of the most annoying things about a troll is that many times, it may not be apparent that they are trolling. Instead, you’re tricked into believing that you’re having a genuine argument with someone who is just a little more hostile and idiotic than usual. You go to great lengths to get your points across to them, but you find yourself met only with failure. “Why wont this guy listen?” you ask. “How the hell can someone be so fucking dense and yet retain a pulse?” Then, after a long, bloody fight, you discover that you were being trolled the entire time. At that moment, you want nothing more than to reach through the computer screen and strangle the bastard; an urge which is compounded by the knowledge that he is just laughing his ass off on the other end.

One of the reasons this is an issue is due to Poe’s Law. Poe’s Law states that unless the parody is made obvious, it is difficult - perhaps impossible - to tell the difference between satire and genuine stupidity. I think that Poe’s Law is most noticeable in interactions with theists; being that their beliefs are wack-a-doodle to begin with. (It’s hard to make talking snakes and rib-women sound more stupid than they already are) For this reason, it is often difficult to tell if the other guy really is as ignorant of Evolution or the scientific method as he seems to be, or if he is simply trolling you for the lulz. In such a case, abandoning the argument could mean that another irrational belief is allowed to continue without being challenged, but staying to fight the battle could mean you’re wasting all of your time and energy on someone who’s just taking the piss anyway.

That’s why, as much as I despise them, I’ve come to view trolls as useful for honing one’s skills in matters of debate. They throw the most absurdly laughable arguments at you, and they do so with an infuriating steadfastness. But if you can keep up with them and stay the course, then surely you can handle yourself when the real thing comes your way. In other words, if you can handle having grenades thrown at you while bullets zip past your head; then a late-night job working mall security shouldn’t be too difficult.

I hate the fact that pretty much everybody on the internet hates everything.

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
"Anti-environmentalism is like standing in front of a forest and going 'quick kill them they're coming right for us!'" - Jake Farr-Wharton, The Imaginary Friend Show.

4) People who dont know how to use proper punctuation its like duh youd think they could get their point across without exposing how asinine they are and then when you call them out on it they're like come on it’s the internet

I have a feeling that you spelled "don't" and "you'd" wrong to prove a point here. If not, I was just that person who pointed it out...

I grew up being called a hypochondriac by my mother. I realize that I shouldn't go on it every time I have a funny feeling, but I can't help it. I have the ap on my phone and there have been plenty of times that I went on when I had a headache and got off the site thinking I had an aneurism and I might drop dead at any second.

I hate that I can always find something on the internet to amuse me. I
can get on and get lost for hours. There's times I don't even know why
I'm looking at something. That's why I rarely get on the actual computer
anymore. I tend to log on to things on my phone- at least I can run out
of battery and stop.

Also, when it comes to porn on the
internet, I think that it's all been done. Even I can't find what I'm
looking for when I want to see it. It gives me more of a headache...

"It was life,often unsatisfying, frequently cruel, usually boring, sometimes beautiful, once in awhile exhilarating." -Stephen King

(13-02-2013 07:13 PM)Misanthropik Wrote: Don’t let the chiseled, glistening, god-like, panty-ruining, faint-inducing abs fool you. I do my fair share of sitting around; lazily surfing the internet. Sitting in a chair (or on the couch), laptop in front of me, mindlessly jumping from page to page; site to site; all in a futile effort to combat the sense of boredom with which I may find myself inflicted at any given time. Sometimes the creationists are all off at church, so there’s nobody to debate, and there is no new and interesting news being posted; only to have me repost it somewhere on the forum for everyone to laugh at. Sometimes, I dare say, I don’t even feel the need to look at photos of scantily-clad women engaging in varying forms of degradation. (That one’s a mystery even to me) So, with little else to occupy my time, I simply browse around; looking at places I may have been and searching for places I might yet visit. In my travels, I’ve seen many things. Things ranging from police chases; to fake news reports; to Megan Fox’s tongue-speaking habits; to a man being killed in an attempted copulation with a stallion. (Don’t ask)

Here, I will present some of my most regrettable observations in the form of complaints. These are things that drive me up a wall. Things that make me want to grow my hair to a manageable length, solely for the purpose of ripping it out in frustration. These are things I simply can’t stand about the internet.

1) Not enough porn. Yes, you heard correctly; I believe that there is a shortage of porn on the internet. And that’s surprising, considering it’s big business. In fact, the #1 search that is made on the internet - world-wide - is porn. (The second is Genealogy) I myself am a veteran in the search of the ol’ pr0n; having diligently scoured for it since I first learned what it was. (I remember bikini-line maintenance wasn’t as popular back then…*shudders*) After the advent of the “World Wide Web” in the early ‘90s, pornographic distribution across the internet became as easy as clicking a mouse, and the trend quickly gained speed - for obvious reasons. Since then, the internet has become absolutely overrun with such material. At this point, you can find virtually anything you want. If you want to search for “All-Male Masked-Midget Peanut Butter Spanking” (I’m not judging, Muffs), you can find it in seconds. So why am I complaining?

I can’t seem find what I want, when I want it. That’s right, sometimes I’m clicking away in frustration because I can’t find whatever obscure thing I’m in the mood for at the moment, and it irritates the hell out of me. And, unlike a lot of people, I’m not into the high-end, studio-quality material with cheap background music and those crazy positions. (The staircase is not a place to bend over backwards and do your business in a sideways position. That does not happen in real life. Stop trying to convince me that it does) And yet, this stuff is everywhere. But even when I do find something similar to what I’m looking for, it’s never good enough. They picked the wrong girl, or the cameraman sucked (not literally), or the video was too short. By the way, isn’t that basically what porn has become? A bunch of videos? Who thinks “pictures!” when someone mentions porn anymore? I mean there are pictures, sure, but aren’t they usually there so you can click on them and find a video?

In the end, I really shouldn’t complain about this. Millions upon millions of pornographic videos and pictures are available on the internet and I’m pissy when I can’t find “MILF gets DPed on Lunar surface”. I guess they’ll never have precisely what I’m looking for, no, but they do have a plethora of other options. Unlike back in the day, when all they had was this:
Sexy, huh?

2) Helpful search options. As in, typing “Why…” into your Google search and seeing an entire list of helpful options available, such as “why is the sky blue” or “why does it hurt when I pee” or “why did I get married” or “why can’t I get it up”. These options can be helpful, yes, but they’re always so distracting, and when an interesting one pops up, a part of me wants to go see why the hell anyone would search for “why wont my cat respond to my advances” and find out why there would be an entire section of “Yahoo answers” dedicated to it. Then I’ve completely forgotten what I was originally looking for, and I’m endowed with a new-found knowledge of why Fred’s cat isn’t into him. (Who knew cats where such fickle lovers?)

Not only that, but the search options have been known to get a guy or two in serious trouble. Back when I was 15, the options from my “How to…” search lead to a very serious and immensely uncomfortable conversation with dad. Not cool, Google. Not cool.

3) Memes. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not the use of memes that I mind. I actually think they’re quite amusing and, believe it or not, there are some very interesting sites dedicated to the history of various memes. The thing I don’t like about them is that they fall out of favor so quickly, and if you dare to use them after such time, you will be met with scorn. For example, I used to use a very popular meme after it went out of “style”. But then I took an arrow to the knee.

4) People who dont know how to use proper punctuation its like duh youd think they could get their point across without exposing how asinine they are and then when you call them out on it they're like come on it’s the internet

5) I don’t like the fact that the internet creates a sense of anonymity, which usually brings out everyone’s inner asshole. Granted, I like when people don’t beat around the bush. I like when they can express how they’re feeling without the baggage of politeness and unnecessarily-extensive manners. But people don’t stop there. People become outrightly hostile in a way that can only be described as baffling. If an individual makes even the slightest of spelling mistakes (one which can be easily excused as a simple slip of the finger upon the keyboard), they are immediately labeled a “retard” and made a mockery of. If they make even the most benign of nonsensical comments, someone will surely be on their way to mention that it “seems a village has lost its idiot”. There is no room for error on the internet, because you will be attacked. Which is rather ironic, because you will be attacked with a slew of typos and grammatical dumb-fuckery. That’s because everyone - regardless of age - is a 14-year-old on the internet. Go figure.

6) I absolutely hate it when I try to click on a picture of a sexy gal on Google images, only to discover that

7) The little “loading” wheel that circles around the center of a Youtube video you really, really wanna watch. I've got nothing really extensive to say about the loading wheel. Just that...you know...they should fix it.

8) Misinformation. The problem with many of the informational sites on the internet is that they are not created by an individual with a Phd or a doctorate in the specific topic. Rather, they are created and operated by Joe Dickface who has a Phd in beer-guzzling and a doctorate in 4th grade English spelling. (That’s how he makes his false information seem so believable) Even websites such as Wikipedia are controlled by the average citizen - an individual who knows absolutely fuck-all about pretty much everything. The internet has been a wonderful way for knowledge in a vast array of fields to be shared among sound-minded individuals. Unfortunately, it’s also become a soap box from which any moron can spew his or her useless garbage to an equally-moronic audience; thus allowing their moronic moronicy to continue like the moronic moronicy that it is.

After all, just look at us. For a second, I made you believe that “moronicy” can be passed off as a real word. Thank you for proving my point. Moron.

Only a licensed physician (and sometimes, not even they) can determine what your particular ailment is. I’m tired of logging on to WebMD to figure out why my toe wont stop aching; only to learn that I’ve got a bad case of those chest-burster things from the Alien movie.

10) Trolls. Oh yes, you knew I’d get to them. Nobody likes a troll. But you know what the worst part is? That’s why the fuck they do it! Nobody likes a troll, which is precisely why there are trolls. Perhaps one of the most annoying things about a troll is that many times, it may not be apparent that they are trolling. Instead, you’re tricked into believing that you’re having a genuine argument with someone who is just a little more hostile and idiotic than usual. You go to great lengths to get your points across to them, but you find yourself met only with failure. “Why wont this guy listen?” you ask. “How the hell can someone be so fucking dense and yet retain a pulse?” Then, after a long, bloody fight, you discover that you were being trolled the entire time. At that moment, you want nothing more than to reach through the computer screen and strangle the bastard; an urge which is compounded by the knowledge that he is just laughing his ass off on the other end.

One of the reasons this is an issue is due to Poe’s Law. Poe’s Law states that unless the parody is made obvious, it is difficult - perhaps impossible - to tell the difference between satire and genuine stupidity. I think that Poe’s Law is most noticeable in interactions with theists; being that their beliefs are wack-a-doodle to begin with. (It’s hard to make talking snakes and rib-women sound more stupid than they already are) For this reason, it is often difficult to tell if the other guy really is as ignorant of Evolution or the scientific method as he seems to be, or if he is simply trolling you for the lulz. In such a case, abandoning the argument could mean that another irrational belief is allowed to continue without being challenged, but staying to fight the battle could mean you’re wasting all of your time and energy on someone who’s just taking the piss anyway.

That’s why, as much as I despise them, I’ve come to view trolls as useful for honing one’s skills in matters of debate. They throw the most absurdly laughable arguments at you, and they do so with an infuriating steadfastness. But if you can keep up with them and stay the course, then surely you can handle yourself when the real thing comes your way. In other words, if you can handle having grenades thrown at you while bullets zip past your head; then a late-night job working mall security shouldn’t be too difficult.

Is that pornographic image you posted a bull giving a blowjob to a super giant dick inside of an even more giant almond? That's what I see. Pretty hot, I don't know what you're complaining about.

My biggest beef with the internet (aside from my inability to access it at a sufficient speed while using as much data as I wish) is my frustration in debating or discussing a complicated issue. Many times I find myself not completely comprehending others and them, I. Text alone is not sufficient enough for this, and video is still inconvenient, and for some reason a little embarrassing. I don't like to video chat in general, much less with folks that I don't *really* know. I am self conscious, especially about my accent. It's just a bizarre affair.