Sportscaster Chris Berman is well known for the use of puns to make nicknames for athletes (e.g. calling Baseball Hall of Fame starting pitcher Bert Blyleven Bert “Be Home” Blyleven, a pun on the phrase “be home by eleven.” But did you know that Berman initially had his heart set on being a literary critic? In fact, it was in his literary writing that his nicknaming schtick began… and is the reason he was handed a lifetime ban from publishing in every literary journal in North America and parts of Africa. For the first time in thirty years, some of Berman’s “best” literary nicknames are seeing the light of day, exclusive to this blog.

I’ve been actively listening to music for 35 years, have seen styles and trends come and go, beginning with a narrow focus (listening to Casey Kasem’s American Top 40 with my sisters in the disco age) and widening my horizons many times based on my own changing tastes and exposure to the knowledge and insights of so many friends. Now, I’ll listen to just about any kind of music and prize diversity and variety above all else. But still, I’ve been known to get stuck in a groove and become obsessed with certain albums, listening the hell out of them for weeks straight. I don’t even know where these albums stand in the grand scheme of things, if they’re critically acclaimed or cult classics… some of them you may never have even heard of; I just know that, for whatever reason, at some time in my life, they spoke to me in deep, meaningful ways. In writing them down, the urge to listen to them again hits me hard; I still love them.

Superman’s weakness is not so much Kryptonite as it is his moral code: he won’t kill or be otherwise immoral (although he has been known to be deceitful, especially when dealing with with foes such as Mr Mxyzptlk). He is the paragon of virtue, the defender and best example of The American Way. But his virtue can hold him back: he refuses to kill, but how often has this refusal led to greater suffering later on? How many times has one of his foes escaped, only to wreak further havoc, surely including death? Granted, death and pain are not so much a part of the Superman universe compared to Batman, but certainly amid the destruction wrought by battling titans in the middle of Metropolis, sometime somewhere someone has been killed. What responsibility does Superman feel? Not as much, it seems, as characters like Spider-Man or Batman, characters whose entire motivations for being superheroes are based on feelings of guilt over the loss of loved ones or the desire to avenge their deaths. Superman, however, despite the loss of both parents (biological and adoptive) is a pretty together guy. He represents the happy, well-adjusted face of American culture, with a never-say-die, can-do attitude. He is the principled volunteer who went to war to make the world safe for liberty, whereas Batman is the hardened veteran whose motivations are good but just might burn down your village to save it. Therefore, Batman is the stronger character, even though he has no super-powers, because he’s willing to do nearly anything to win the fight. Superman is held back by his morals, which are ultimately more important to him than winning, and because of that, Superman is much more likely to lose. (It needs to be said that in the comic books, Superman of course never loses–he’s too powerful. What we’re talking about here is the real world, if characters like Superman and Batman existed in it.)

A candle-lit, low-ceilinged stone room. Tapestries hang on the walls. There’s a regular dripping noise barely audible and the sense of unavoidable dampness. Three men–a Lord and his vassals–sit at a table, while a fourth man, dressed as a medieval wizard, paces in front of them carrying a thin, rectangular object. He speaks…

Wizard: Sire, gentlemen, may I introduce: the computer internet! [he opens the laptop with a flourish and sets it on the table in front of the men]

1st Man: What magic is this?! How these images dance before my very eyes!

Lord: I have seen nothing like this in all my realm! Is this some crystal ball of unmatched clarity?