Colin Montgomerie says: "I will practise. I will get this right". In this quest for perfection there must be poise, gravitas. The Ryder Cup demands precision. So: hairbrush for a mic, bathroom mirror, and away he goes. With no clubs to swing, Montgomerie plans to defeat America with words. Europe's captain is a frustrated orator with a big bill for midnight oil.

Never in this transatlantic clash has so much energy been expended on a ceremonial address. Of his opening ceremony speech he says: "There's definitely a game that goes on between the two captains and it seems to make a difference psychologically as to what happens when the action begins. Look at the recent history of the event and it's the team whose captain gave the best speech who start well the next day and set the tone for the match."

This audacious claim has made obligatory viewing of today's thank-athon, in which banks of players and blazered officials will hear the Ryder Cup reaffirm its niceness. Montgomerie has an easy act to follow. Two years ago Nick Faldo called Soren Hansen "Soren Stenson" and declared that Padraig Harrington had hit more practice shots than there were potatoes in Ireland. In a less polite setting Faldo, the amateur comic, would have been pelted off stage.

American golf's inability to distinguish between sport and war was apparent yet again when Corey Pavin, the USA captain, embarked on a sermon about his country's troops laying their "lives on the line" for "the freedoms of other people". This military obsession, which is at odds with the cosy lives led by men who usually clock on for work at places such as Pebble Beach and take perhaps $5m home each year, is not one Montgomerie was looking to share as he arranged for Seve Ballesteros and rugby's Gareth Edwards to inspire his side with speeches on Tuesday night.

"We have enough motivation in our team room. I was just after some passion, and by God, I got it," Europe's leader says. The opening ceremony is the final blast in the phoney skirmish that has captains talking of ping-pong and quizzes one minute and visits from F16 pilots the next. The competition's split identity is also evident in Montgomerie's claim to have "no personal [Ryder Cup] highlight – not one".

He says: "This event has meant nothing to me, and still doesn't, personally. But as a team, and as a European Tour, it means the world to me. I had ample opportunity to go to America and join the US tour as a player when I was No1 in Europe. Never took it. Always supported the European Tour and the European cause, and that's why I'm here, for Europe."

This asks us to believe he has replayed his own Ryder Cup heroics with remote in hand and felt nothing beyond continental pride. With his televised speech, he has spotted another chance to imprint his contradictory but always compelling personality on the event that has shaped his professional life.

"I'm not going to say anything regarding Nick because I wasn't there," Montgomerie said recently. "But you had to say [Paul] Azinger [the USA captain in 2008] was at least one up leaving that ceremony. And it showed. Next day, what did we lose, 6½ to 1½ [in fact 5½ to 2½]? And it was almost as good as over.

"But I also remember that at The Belfry in 2002 I felt Sam [Torrance] put us one up. It's so important for the team to have a huge respect for the captain leaving that ceremony. It's a major part of my career. I've been at this for 25 years and this for my players is the most vital four or five minutes that I have. I will practise, I will get this right. I will have them standing up and leaving that ceremony feeling that we are going to win this Ryder Cup. That's all I can do."

This epic overestimation of the importance of what is a glorified wedding speech points to a trace of insecurity. Montgomerie is saying he needs to impress his players on a dais for them to be confident in his leadership. The skipper has left us in no doubt he craves recognition as a statesman.

But he also knows from his own experience that the Ryder Cup captaincy is primarily about strategy: choosing the right pairings in the right order and controlling the tactical flow. Churchillian hyperbole is not predicted, but you can be sure Montgomerie will mine the rich history of European togetherness to present this as a mission to regain the cup on home soil and in Ballesteros's honour. It would all be so much more affecting, though, if he had not already written a loser's speech, just in case.