YOU CAN WIN MILLIONS OF DOLLARS!!!!!

Hey Basement dwellers! “¦ Wait, that’s a really creepy name to call our readers. Off to a good start.

Hey guys! We’re excited to announce our first annual Campus Basement Halloween Contest. Now that we’re a bunch of miserable alums who all miss our glory days, we want to live vicariously through your awesome Halloween photos this weekend. You’re going to be taking tons of pics and putting them all over Facebook anyway, so why not win a FANTAAAAASTIC PRIZE for them?

We’re giving away a $100 Amazon gift card. Which means you can order whatever embarrassing things you want with it and it won’t show up on dad’s credit card bill! Nice!

All you have to do is send your funny, scary, insane, ridiculous, inebriated Halloween photos tocampusbasement@gmail.com. We’ll put them on our Facebook page Sunday, Oct 30 at 5pm. The photo with the most “likes’ by Sunday, Nov 6 at 5pm will be declared the winner of the $100 Amazon card.

Got it? No? I mean, it’s pretty simple. Try reading it again. If you still don’t get it, take a good, hard look at your reading comprehension skills, then email us your question.

If you’re like me then your winter break has been jam packed with movies, and if you’re Jewish like me then these aren’t movies that you’ve paid for. I put more effort into researching a movie I might have to pay to see in theatres than I’ve put into my thesis. First, I check RottenTomatoes.com... MORE »

Cornell Researchers recently received $4.5 million to study different grape varieties. Obviously this makes as much as sense as donating $3 million to create a library in the Statler. If this was Jeopardy both these expenditures would be under the category of “Things that make no sense” or even “Unnecessary allocations of funds” (but that’s not as... MORE »

A massive group of Cornell students in Halloween costumes began to dance in the middle of the street in Collegetown this weekend. People have been referring to this as a flash mob. But in actuality it was just an unorganized mob of drunk people who thought they were at Dino’s #awkwardthatbarsclosed. MORE »

It’s the Christmas of college: Halloween weekend. Halloween was once known to all of us, in a much more innocent time, as the night where we dressed up as our favorite superhero and ate as much candy as our tiny tummy’s could hold before we puked. But now that we’re much older and wiser Halloween... MORE »

WALL STREET – Investors and business magnates across the nation Tuesday scrambled to invest in what quickly appears to be becoming one of the most profitable long-term securities in the world: Israelis. “If you look at the numbers, they’re simply astounding,” says Jewish Goldman Sachs CEO, Lloyd Blankfein. “Back in the 1980s, one Israeli... MORE »

Some people dream of an early retirement, and for one Cornell named Daniel Oranger that might very well be the case. Deemed by the Ithaca Sun as “one of the ten most business savvy Cornellians of the recent decade, and possibly of all time,” Daniel Oranger keeps it modest when describing his snowcone empire. What started as... MORE »

After last Friday’s 85-degree weather, it appears that Cornell University has used all of its spring maintenance funding on keeping the Lake Effects snow out of the forecast, not accounting for the shocking, yet annual, mid-April snow and sleet storm. While on a campus tour this morning, a pre-frosh was overheard stating “well, it can... MORE »

Ezra Cornell was actually a pretty twisted President. When he founded Cornell he also said that at the 147th (arbitrary number chosen similar practice done by the Mayans for their calendars) Commencement, rather than have the standard “all rise and all sit, congratulations you’ve graduated” at the ceremony, all 4 state colleges will have a... MORE »

What some people thought was an April Fools joke at Cornell University was actually reality! Oprah was at Cornell. But, how did nobody know about her arrival, her stay or her departure? If anyone could pull off a magic trick like this it is David Blaine. Yes, Cornellians that is right. Cornell Administrators paid David... MORE »

A new business study from the Dyson School at Cornell shows that undergraduates only eat frozen yogurt at two points: when they are drunk or when the sun has completely set. When the Daily Sun article came out, students were confused as to whether or not this article was meant to be written for the... MORE »

Yesterday, outside Olin Library, Lefties came together to protest against the abundance of righty desks and lack of lefty desks around Cornell’s Campus. With so many famous, successful, lefties, it is disturbing to these students that they are underrepresented. “We used to be persecuted against. There’s a long history of discrimination against our people. My... MORE »

Dear guy sitting behind me in Mann who keeps making sighing noises, I REFUSE to turn around and acknowledge you. I don’t care, I won’t turn around and look at you. Others might, but not me. Your sighs are getting louder and closer together like you’re having contractions. I WON’T look back. Eyes on my... MORE »

Oh and don’t worry it’s not Khloe…she and Lamar are like a rock. Sturdy and round. Some people have been trying to throw viewers off course by saying that Kim Kardashian is dating Jeremy Lin of the New York Knicks. But we all know she is trying to steer clear of athletes and singers due... MORE »

Ithaca has gorges, wineries, Cornell, Applefest and Chilifest. That’s about it. There is nothing else going for this city so it is important to know how to make the best of what you have. 1. Never pay for chili: you might be asking….how can I enjoy such a glorious day without paying for any chili? ah... MORE »

1. A Photo Framed of Yourself: you know that you’re in a terrible relationship when you boyfriend gives you a framed picture of himself for Valentine’s Day. Yes, GQ rated us the doucheiest school in the country, but your boyfriend takes the cake. His graduation photo with the cap and gown…what are you his Aunt?... MORE »

Everyone at Cornell (except transfers…how come they get away with this?) has to take two gym classes and a swim test before they are able to graduate. For some reason it is important that we have both academic knowledge and have 6 credits worth of some physical activity knowledge. We are a well rounded university!... MORE »

Even though, in recent weeks, the weather in Ithaca has been unseasonably warm, because of lack of alcohol during pledging students have found themselves feeling like a foreigner….cold as ice (to any 80s music fans out there). “I used to wear a liquor jacket out ever night. Now I’m freezing outside because I can actually... MORE »

Ah yes, another “you know you go to Cornell when” photo. This is more than that though. This is a warning sign. If you see this car be cautious, the people on board are angry because they are most likely hungry. Additionally they are probably mad at you because you support hydrofracking even though you... MORE »

So you’re probably thinking, why don’t I know anything about sports? I am a guy and I want to join a frat. Not the typical stereotype now, am I? Yeah, breaking barriers! Anyway, I played sports when I was a kid. Standard, Little League and soccer where everyone runs around chasing the ball and there... MORE »

Dear Cornell, Thank you. Sincerely, Graduating seniors and recent alums Yes, we thank you for all the hard work you have put in, to make us want to leave your campus, and be okay with the fact that our jobs are so competitive and demanding that we are unable to make the trip to come... MORE »

This article is part of our “Let’s Keep This Website Awesome Over Winter Break” Tournament series. Check out the opposing article here and be sure to ‘like’ your favorite! YOOO FAT WHITE BIIIITCH!!! So like my bizniss manager sed it’d be a good meiffovve to write you a lettttter about shit I wnt in my... MORE »

I used to go to a real school. One where there were tailgates and acid dropping on a Monday at 6pm before Lab and a real Greek Week/Homecoming. Ah yes and one where the Jewish Council students broke it down real hard in the library during finals week. At Cornell we have Club Mann…..at UMD... MORE »