Remember when Arnold hid from Predator by just rubbing a bunch of mud on himself? How fricking stupid is that! Ok, so maybe he was able to beat the Predator, but now he has MUD ALL OVER HIMSELF. I mean, ick! Skin me, scalp me, hang me from a pole, just don’t put MUD on me. Do you know what mud is? It’s DIRT. Yeah, the stuff that the word “DIRTY” is named after! That means, by definition, it must be the dirtiest stuff on the planet! Dirt that’s been mixed with water, to make it move over your body faster. That’s revolting, Arnold. You don’t win by becoming worse than the monster. If you were a REAL man (like ME) you’d live inside a head-to-toe latex body condom that has been pumped full of hand sanitizer.

I sleep in a bath of rubbing alcohol. I think I may die in two or three years, but I will die CLEAN.

-T

Discussion (12) ¬

You may die clean, but you will be buried in dirt. Unless you’re cremated. But then you’re remains will be spread on dirt. Unless you have your ashes launched into space. But who knows what filth is out there! You could attach powerful explosives to you’re urn rocket. But still, the tiny remaining particles from your blown up remains will eventually touch something gross. Life is hard.

Come to think of it, if Gary is so insignificant, why is the other guy getting so freaked out about his absence? [1] Shouldn’t he be more “Hm. Wasn’t Gary here a minute ago?” and someone else replies “Gary who?”

Oh please, not everyone’s aim in life is everlasting fame and fortune. Some people wish for a simple but happy life. It’s easy for us comic creators to think that everyone wants to shine, but there are different people than us, with vastly different mindsets out there 😛