Uma Thurman has 7 glorious minutes in 'Nymphomaniac'

Wednesday

Apr 9, 2014 at 6:00 AM

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couple of years ago I was persuaded to see Lars von Trier's "Melancholia." It was an end-of-the-world movie, although I had a feeling it was not going to be another "2012," "Armageddon," or even "Deep Impact." Hey, it was titled "Melancholia." It lived up to the title. I'm sure I'd be depressed if I knew the end of the world was imminent, but I honestly don't think I'd be that depressed ... or bored. At one point during the film, I seriously considered the end of the world would be preferable to another 10 minutes with "Melancholia." Eventually it ended — the movie, not the world — and I vowed never to see another von Trier movie. (Although I admit "Dogville" was fascinating and disturbing. But I saw that only because I wanted to keep track of what the eclectic Nicole Kidman was up to, and Lauren Bacall was in it, too.)

So when von Trier's "Nymphomaniac (Vols. 1 and 2)" was in production, nothing about this project attracted me. And the more I heard about it, the less palatable it became. The sex scenes, involving the likes of Charlotte Gainsbourg and Shia LaBeouf, and some real-life porn actors, got a lot of advance buzz. But I didn't need to see this. (I have Showtime and HBO, the go-to places for breasts, buttocks and southern exposure.)

Then I read some intriguing reviews and figured, well, maybe I'd go see "Vol. 1," which seems to have received the most positive notices. So I did.

It's the story of a debased woman who is sort of a hypersexed, grimy Scheherazade picked up in dire circumstances by Stellan Skarsgard. She proceeds, with considerable shame, to recount her long life of debauchery.

Almost every character is unlikable and when the protagonists aren't having sex, they're talking ... a lot. There is some humor and irony, but not nearly enough to sustain. Art house aficionados consider it "another von Trier masterpiece" and more power to them. There's a cover for every garbage can.

Charlotte Gainsbourg, as the older nympho with the odd name of Joe, is certainly the least happy-looking sexually active person in film history. (The younger Joe, Stacy Martin, is not much cheerier.)

But there is one amazing aspect to this film. It's about seven minutes long and it's Uma Thurman. She plays Mrs. H, the embittered wife of a faithless man, and has a confrontation scene that, frankly, is Oscar-worthy. It's funny and sad and over-the-top and the only point at which the movie comes to life. In fact, the audience I saw "Nymphomaniac" with broke into the film with a huge round of applause for Thurman.