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Spouses, but not on U.S. soil

"Americans often tout the great freedoms that U.S. citizenship
grants. But lately I have a hard time seeing it that way. Instead, I
find myself toying with renouncing my citizenship. When it comes to my
ability to spend my life with the person I love, this country has
turned its back on me.

"I am a dual national. I was born in the United States to an American mother and a Spanish
father. I grew up in Spain, although my family frequently jetted across
the ocean to maintain bonds with family and friends. Thirteen years
ago, I returned to the U.S. to work in New York for the United Nations.

"On
July 14, 2006, I married the person I love in a small ceremony with
close friends and family. I could do so because, in 2005, Spain's
parliament legalized unions of same-sex couples. Without too much fanfare and with
surprisingly little outcry from the vociferous Roman Catholic Church,
Spain — traditionally a Catholic nation — took a brave step to
recognize the rights of all citizens to a family life. The ground did
not shake; society's fabric did not tear. Jose and I were married by
the mayor of a small town outside Seville in the first marriage of a same-sex couple ever held in the community. People there expressed nothing but
happiness for us.

"I had naively assumed that our union would
allow us to live together. The United Nations, where I am considered a
Spaniard, had approved an administrative decision recognizing the
marriages that the national jurisdictions of its staff members consider
legal. In other words, because Spain recognized our marriage, the U.N.
would too, by virtue of Spain being my country of provenance.

"Upon returning to the United States, however, I discovered that things were more complicated.

"Ordinarily,
in a case like mine, the United Nations would have requested visas for
me and my spouse. The United States, in keeping with its role as host
country of the U.N. headquarters, would have issued them. My spouse
would have been permitted to reside legally on U.S. soil. But because I
am an American citizen in addition to being Spanish, the United Nations
doesn't have a reason to request a visa for me. While my employer
considers me Spanish, the U.S. authorities consider me a U.S. citizen.

"Most
Americans who marry foreigners can initiate a process to obtain a
permanent residence status for their spouses. But because of the
obscenely titled Defense of Marriage Act, which President Clinton
signed into law in 1996, my spouse can't qualify for papers through me.
The law prohibits the federal government from recognizing any marriage
that is not between a man and a woman. And although a federal judge in
Boston ruled parts of the law unconstitutional this year, it is likely
to be years before the question of its legality is finally resolved. In
the meantime, we remain in limbo.

"For four years, we have spent
thousands of dollars on tuition for courses that would keep my spouse
eligible for student visas and able to live in the United States
legally. We have endured countless problems and frustrations in our
relationship due to the uncertainty about our future. We live with the
fear that an immigration officer at the airport will simply refuse to
let my spouse enter the country.

"We also have had to be
circumspect about our union. In the United States, entry can be denied
to a person who is expected to remain in the country beyond the term of
his or her approved authorization to stay. Marriage to someone, even if
not recognized, can nonetheless be considered evidence of intent to
stay beyond the period of an approved visa, and hence a reason for an
immigration officer to deny entry.

"This all leaves me in a
quandary: Must I renounce my U.S. citizenship so that I can live in the
country of my birth with the person I love?

"I hold out hope for
legislative change that will remedy this situation, but it has been
years already and I don't feel that I can wait much longer. I want to
live my relationship fully, but with every day that passes, I get the
sense that doing so may be incompatible with my remaining a U.S.
citizen or staying in the country."