For Christians: Frustrated...sexually

My wife and I are both in our 40's. I've noticed that over the last 2 years her desire for sex has significantly decreased while mine has remained the same, if not increased. Our "normal" used to be 2 to 3 times a week. Now its down to 2 to 3 times a month. The issue has began causing arguments. Because I love my wife, I have no desire to look else where, and because of religious reasons, masturbation is also not an option. I've tried to talk to her about it, and she refuses, just saying nothing is wrong. The world would say to have an affair, leave her, or take things into my own "hands". These aren't options, but to satisfy my beliefs do I need to be so miserable? What do I do?

First, masturbation is against Mormon doctrine because it's giving into the desires of man. Second, I have tried the romantic dinners, favorite restaurants, roses, jewelry...etc. We have tried to talk, but end up stopping before it causes too much of an argument. She has reluctantly given in and provide release by hand, but then I feel guilty so whats the point.

First, masturbation is against Mormon doctrine because it's giving into the desires of man. Second, I have tried the romantic dinners, favorite restaurants, roses, jewelry...etc. We have tried to talk, but end up stopping before it causes too much of an argument. She has reluctantly given in and provide release by hand, but then I feel guilty so whats the point.

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Cant believe I am even discussing this topic, but why is it OK for your wife to "give you relief" but not yourself?

(by the way I dont want an answer to that...it was just a question for you personally to consider)

My wife and I are both in our 40's. I've noticed that over the last 2 years her desire for sex has significantly decreased while mine has remained the same, if not increased. Our "normal" used to be 2 to 3 times a week. Now its down to 2 to 3 times a month. The issue has began causing arguments. Because I love my wife, I have no desire to look else where, and because of religious reasons, masturbation is also not an option. I've tried to talk to her about it, and she refuses, just saying nothing is wrong. The world would say to have an affair, leave her, or take things into my own "hands". These aren't options, but to satisfy my beliefs do I need to be so miserable? What do I do?

If your desire is to be with your wife(sexually) why would you even compare having sex with her to masturbation or finding another woman to have an "affair" with?

And I'll tell you another thing.."arguing" with her about it wont help.Even if you got "more" sex from your wife as a result..Do you want to have sex with your wife because your argued her into it?

How would that be sir?..What is sex for you anyway?

Do you call that "intamacy"?

Or are you just looking for a sexual release?Im not saying you dont "love" your wife..but dont claim "lovign her is " having sex with her when the only reason you dont masturbate or have sex with another woman is because of your religious beliefs but those are alternatives in your mind to "replace her" you just arent permitted.

Im sorry, but I am going to have to ask this....is this a genuine issue? or have you just made it up? I dont mean to be horrible or anything, my instinct is just telling me that something is not quite right and my instincts are usually pretty accurate!

Im sorry, but I am going to have to ask this....is this a genuine issue? or have you just made it up? I dont mean to be horrible or anything, my instinct is just telling me that something is not quite right and my instincts are usually pretty accurate!

I cant argue with you over your beliefs..But if occasionally "relieving" your self through masturbation keeps you from "arguing" with your wife and takes care of your higher "physical" needs I dont see how thats a bad thing.

I have searched and searched..There is NOTHING in the Bible that prohibits or says masturbation is wrong.

This thread is in the Christianity Discuss Individual Religions (DIR) area, which means that only self-identified Christians may respond with content other than respectful questions. A few posts were removed, and the title was edited for clarity.

This thread is in the Christianity Discuss Individual Religions (DIR) area, which means that only self-identified Christians may respond with content other than respectful questions. A few posts were removed, and the title was edited for clarity.

Thanks. Staff

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Just a thought, but maybe it would be better in the LDS DIR - that way he can get advice specifically from an LDS perspective and based on LDS beliefs....?

I am guessing as a new member, he has just not found that part of the forum yet!

Well I found the LDS thread and posted there. My post was removed because, silly me I used the same title. So rather than start over I came back to this one. Besides, I kind of liked some of the feedback. Ladies, you're right, what kind of "love" would it be if we had to argue about it. And maybe 2 or 3 times per month isn't bad, but compared to what we had.....
Also, the more I think about it the more I realize it's the closeness, the intimacy that I miss. Sure I mentioned masturbation and getting a release, but those are physical things. I am missing the emotional closeness that making love brings. Now this totally contradicts my first post, but you know us men, it takes us some time to figure things out. In short, I'm lonely. So given that, I guess what I was saying is that I can see why some men, in a moment of weakness, would/could have an affair. I reaffirm my conviction that this is not an option, just wanted to explain why I may have mentioned it in the first place. Still at a loss. She has agreed to a date tonight. Nice dinner, movie. I'm hoping we'll find a spark.

Well I found the LDS thread and posted there. My post was removed because, silly me I used the same title. So rather than start over I came back to this one. Besides, I kind of liked some of the feedback. Ladies, you're right, what kind of "love" would it be if we had to argue about it. And maybe 2 or 3 times per month isn't bad, but compared to what we had.....
Also, the more I think about it the more I realize it's the closeness, the intimacy that I miss. Sure I mentioned masturbation and getting a release, but those are physical things. I am missing the emotional closeness that making love brings. Now this totally contradicts my first post, but you know us men, it takes us some time to figure things out. In short, I'm lonely. So given that, I guess what I was saying is that I can see why some men, in a moment of weakness, would/could have an affair. I reaffirm my conviction that this is not an option, just wanted to explain why I may have mentioned it in the first place. Still at a loss. She has agreed to a date tonight. Nice dinner, movie. I'm hoping we'll find a spark.

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Something changed about two years ago. What was it? Is it possible that your wife has been feeling less emotional closeness and that's why her desire for sex has decreased? Have you placed too much emphasis on the ways in which she's not meeting your needs, without considering the ways in which you may not be meeting hers? Could she be suffering from depression or physical problems? Could she be feeling unattractive for some reason?

Have you noticed that when a woman says, "There's nothing wrong," she usually means, "If you were paying attention, you could figure it out"?