My ex’s new girlfriend just emailed me

Last Tuesday I decided to skip the gym, buy a bottle of wine, and order pizza. When Alex showed up to change into workout clothes, I greeted him with a glass of vino. We proceeded to get mildly tipsy by 7PM, at which point he randomly suggested I check my “Other” inbox on Facebook. I expected to find some equivalent of my previous goat-citing offer of marriage but was greeted with a message from a woman asking whether I’d filed a restraining order a couple years ago.

“I’m afraid I’ve been dating this same man since May,” she said.

Naturally, I consulted Facebook for moral guidance. I kept it to a private group where we all confess sordid personal details about our lives, and the majority of people told me to do whatever was necessary to take care of myself. Keeping my distance from a man who threatened to kill me and made my life a living hell for the better part two years is the obvious choice, but I just couldn’t stop laughing– It was so ridiculous for this to happen a week before the doomed August 20th anniversary. But beyond the dark hilarity of it all I couldn’t help worrying about how she’d mentioned having young children. Visions of news headlines danced in my head. I had to reply. Plus—I knew it would make for good blog fodder.

I replied with my email address and told her I would answer any questions she could think of. I heard back within the hour.

Apparently they met in a college course last Spring and had begun dating towards the end of the semester. His behavior had seemed normal and charming until she’d made reservations at a restaurant in my city. He’d freaked out and refused to drive here, saying he wanted nothing to do with the place. When she questioned him, he became angry and said he hated the city after living here for so long, and refused to go back. His reaction was so bizarre and violent that she began googling him and eventually ran a background check.

Her questions were straight forward– she wanted to know whether we’d been romantically involved, as he claimed to have been single for the last several years. I remember him telling me a similar thing, despite the fact he was in couple’s therapy with his girlfriend of a decade.

I replied with a bullet-point breakdown of the entire ordeal, condensing the 10,000 or so words from my domestic violence tab into one fact-based, emotionless email. I didn’t want to dilute it with my snark or any musings on his stupidity, plus there was a paranoid corner of my brain that couldn’t help wondering whether I was being catfished in some elaborate plot.

This paranoia and resolve to keep it all business-like fell away as we began comparing notes. I’d done the same thing with The Other Woman two years ago when we realized he’d dated both of us at the same time.

He seems to have rewritten a significant portion of his past, completely omitting his 25-year career at the psych hospital. He claimed to have been active duty military that entire time, and I couldn’t help asking if he’d ever told her the story of how he went AWOL for a year so he could track down and kill an entire family. “I’m afraid I missed that one,” she said, though he had told her some epic tale about killing cobras in the jungle and smuggling an unnamed family member of a past president into a top secret meeting with the Dalai Lama.

I asked whether he’d gotten another job somewhere else, but apparently he was back in school full time, pursuing his Masters at a private Christian University, which she lamented as “a good hunting ground for unsuspecting females.”

After a little online stalking and several email exchanges, I no longer worried she was catfishing me. She actually seemed like a really cool person and someone I’d want to know outside of the soap opera that is my life. Of course, we all know how that worked out last time.

“Needless to say,” she concluded, “I’m going to run for the hills.”

The next morning she sent me a play-by-play account of their breakup. She’d asked him to meet her at a public place on campus so she could return some things he’d left at her apartment. Using her new internship as an excuse, she told him she was no longer interested and didn’t want to see or hear from him again. I read every text with a mix of glee and fear—glee because I wanted to jump through her phone and assault him with my middle finger, screaming the word “KARMA!” and fear because I was worried she was about to provoke him into psycho stalking mode.

I cautioned her to be careful and not hesitate to call the police if he threatened her. She wasn’t all that worried about him coming after her because “his libido has left something to be desired” and he’d been embarrassed about it. Further cementing my respect for her, she added “I thought you might enjoy hearing that after what he put you through.”

Honestly, I can’t imagine a more positive and inspirational outcome. Knowing he can’t get it up and is too frightened to come near where I live is like the Aussa version of rainbows and unicorns. It’s almost as beautifully tragic as the naked photo I kept of him.

Have you ever been contacted by an ex’s new flame? Would YOU have replied to such a message? Do you find it satisfying to hear embarrassing things about someone who wronged you in the past?

Want to keep in touch? Drop your email below and I'll send you FULL POSTS anytime I write something new. Only want to know book news? Get on the list here.

Like this:

Comments

What good news, that he’s scared of the city! Also that he’s impotent. Take care of yourself lady. I get so nervous for you. And yes, it’s hard not to feel gleeful when you hear something like that. I for one can’t help myself.

I just literally did a happy dance for you in my chair… at work. Luckily the person I share an office with is currently on holiday. KARMA RULES!!I bet knowing that he’s terrifed to come to your town is such a relief

Karma! I love it when it bites people on the ass. My sociopathic cheating ex got his karma – after I left he moved a new girl in pretty quickly, who (according to a mutual friend, who has always stayed neutral told me) turned out to be completely psychotic, to the point where he wasn’t allowed out of the house without her – she even started accompanying to work to make sure that was where he was going. She became violent and smashed his property up when he was late back for work one night and refused to get out of the house. After he got her removed, she started a campaign against him, telling everyone what a scumbag he was. Thankfully she didn’t contact me, I was more than happy to be rid of him, but I know she caused him trouble for quite a long time!

WOAH. That’s hilarious, yeah it sounds like he got exactly what was coming to him. And how nice that you got to move on with your life without trying to “punish” him because the world did it for you. How satisfying.

PENIS KARMA. That’s almost better than social karma. Or maybe it is better? Clearly, you made the right decision going with wine instead of the gym that night.

Honestly, since I found your blog earlier this week, I have shared it with a couple friends (particularly one with her own sociopath ex and history of poor choices). We all think you’re the cat’s pjs for your courage, grit, and ability to not only talk about this nightmare, but also laugh — and make other people laugh — about it. I raise my teacup (unfortunately un-spiked) to you.

YAY! I just panicked when I saw the title of this post, but I’m so happy and relieved you’re okay and his newest ex is okay, too! Congrats on making him scared of you. Next time you should put a note in the title like, “this is not written from a shelter or my closet where I am hiding. I’m fine. Stop worrying, stupid people.”
Or not. Whatever.

No, I have never been contacted by an ex’s new flame. If I had I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from replying. And for that last question, I don’t personally know a living soul that wouldn’t find some amusement in hearing something embarrassing about someone they used to know who had wronged them.

I would never be the one to initiate contact with the new person… that’s just a boundary better left uncrossed. But I couldn’t not reply. I knew there was a chance she could go tell him what I’d said but A) it’s not like it’s not all true and B) BRING IT.

Hahaha omg I hate confrontation! I’m right there with you. I’m more of a starer. Like when this woman took my photo in public the other day, I just gave her death stare. But actually getting up and saying something? Too lazy, too lacking desire to fight.

I found out later that she was a friend of my sister-in-law who was trying to confirm I am who I am. So glad I didn’t throw anything at her.

As long as he doesn’t go psycho and blame you for his many failures, I think you are okay.

I had one that was two-timing me (I was really non-committal, so wasn’t too worried), I knew about her but she didn’t know about me, and he didn’t know I knew about her. (Yes, I was the slut.) Finally, we met (she and I) and we both decided to break it off with him at the same time. He was devastated…for about a year. Now he’s dating about four other women, taking them all to the resorts we used to frequent. They never change.

Susan, that’s what I have worried about this last year… that whatever struggles he’s experiencing will be mentally rooted to me as the cause. But he seems to be making a wide berth around me, for which I am soooo grateful. He should have done that in the first place and none of this would have happened!

And WOW yeah that guy sounds like a conquistador with something to prove…

Oh, Aussa. I love that you were able to help this lady not end up in the same situation as you. I think it makes you a good person. You could have told her to go…

About the other women: You read the whole story where I found out that I was actually the other woman. After spending that first day together with her, I became friends with this woman and let her into my life, and it turned out to be insane. She was sweet but leaned on the side of crazy. I am, however, very good friends with my husband’s ex girlfriend. In fact, I was her matron of honor in her wedding and talk to her almost every single day. (I should have used that in my 5 truths and a lie.) So these kind of things can work out for the good…but I think it’s rare.

Yes! That story was crazy… we share that experience, haha. Though that’s pretty amazing that you’re such good friends with the husband’s ex… It really shouldn’t be such a bizarre concept, but I don’t think most women are capable of that kind of a relationship. Definitely worthy of 5 truths and a lie!

So I could have sworn I wrote about this story that I mentioned in MY OWN blog, but I am unable to find it.

Here it is… No, this old flame was not trying to sabotage anything.

In My travels to Houston, I met this woman who I began to grow a soft spot for. Each time I knew that I would be in her area, I would contact her in hopes of being able to do something. Get something to eat, get a drink, hang out, whatever. Nothing too serious.

But each and every time, she would never show up. And it would be days after that I would receive some kind of “apologetic explanation” for her absences. And it almost always had to deal with her having too much to drink or something.

I realized that this woman was not Miss Glory, Honor, & Supreme Being…. all of a sudden. My own thoughts and opinions began to change. But knowing Me, I always seem to give people that one last chance to improve and turn things around. And she failed.

Well, upon Facebook she tagged My name in her post that went to both her profile and MY profile. But since she tagged My name, MY friends could see it. Many of them who had heard of My frustration because she always had some stupid excuse as to why she didn’t meet up with Me.

Now I’m pretty regularly used to being told “NO” but this is not what she was doing. She would say “YES” and then not show up, and then have an excuse days later. So people who knew about the situation went OFF on her (because she tagged My name and it posted to My profile) …. and people were not nice.

Enter the old flame, of trying to stick up for her and what not. He attacked Me in every which way that he could. Which was not much since he didn’t know who I was. But the old flame said that he was doing it to defend her honor… which gave everyone in MY camp a good laugh.

I could just swear I blogged about this, but I’m not finding it. Oh well.

But still to come back to the question had hand… no, I’ve never been contacted by the NEW flame.

Thank you. I agree. What in the world is the point? Just say NO. It would have gone over a lot easier. Even though at the time it might have sucked. It still would have lowered the expectations of this woman.

There has been some theories in My social circles who believe that it isn’t a case of this woman (who I have given the pet name of Succubus in My blog) and her difficulty to say NO.. But rather it is the uncomfortable situation of “not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings” BY saying NO.

I cannot even begin to start with her. I just know that karma, makes like a – you know what.

Why anyone would continue to behave like that is just beyond comprehension. However that is what she did. Continued to agree to make plans but then 3-4 days after the scheduled date, come up with some half-assed lame excuse as to why I never saw her.

This guy should be forced to be branded with the words “sadistic asshole” on his forehead. And perhaps “limp dick” should be added as well. I’m so happy to hear this women reached out to you and you were strong enough to reach back. Girl power!

Ha! Go, Karma, Go! That is amazing and wonderful Aussa – that he’s impotent, afraid to even come to your city, unemployed and now dumped. When I think of his fear I picture Aussa as this battleship (a cute battleship – don’t get me wrong), with guns bristling everywhere, missles, high speed machine guns, and with the rotating antennas registering everything within killing distance. Ha! Bring it on asshat – you will die.

Good Lord he should channel his imagination into books. Cobras?? Phallus symbol anyone? Hopefully whatever strong anti-psychotic meds he is on will keep his libido low. Or nonexistent.
I met a guy at a baseball game (fucker looked EXACTLY like Bruce Willis, my friends said that before I could even ask.) After a few dates I got a phone call saying it was……his WIFE! And they were fighting but still living together. I talked to her for about half an hour. Seemed like a nice lady. I wonder what happened to them. He actually Texted me last year but when I asked “Why are you contacting me?” he never answered that. People can be weird.
Glad he’s afraid of you. As he should be!

Argh that’s so upsetting about the wife contacting you :-/ I don’t want to start man-bashing because I know women do plenty of sneaky things but I have so many single friends who have worked their way through so many guys who ended up having wives. Wives who were separated… wives who lived in another city and hadn’t transferred jobs yet… wives who had gone home to have their babies because they thought their husbands were deployed…

Well…since you ask, haha.
A couple weeks ago I was looking through my facebook messages and noticed a new tab, I guess it’s kinda like a spam folder. In it was a message from a girl who I used to go to HS with, she stated that she had dated “Jim” (a guy I dated before Mr.Crazy) and was wondering if she could talk to me regarding his odd behavior. By odd, I mean borderline personality disorder,anger issues and depression. I sent her back a message but I haven’t heard anything back.

I just love how Karma delivered her own version of whoop ass on your ex!!

How odd! Weird that she hasn’t replied… hopefully everything is okay. I worried that I wouldn’t hear from this woman either, because it had been a couple weeks since she sent it. Makes me feel bad that she thought I was blowing her off for that long! Perhaps Karma was just stewing and working behind the scenes… lurve it.

The crazy just doesn’t end with this guy. Karma will get that lunatic in the end. Mean while back at the ranch…helping this new near-victim get out while the getting is good was a pay-it-forward thing to do. Two thumbs standing right-the-fuck-up. (Unlike a flaccid weenie)

Hahaha, love the two thumbs, Pattie! Thanks for that. And yeah I was thinking about how I would have appreciated that sort of insight when I was only 3 months into dating him… that was actually right when everything switched to terrible.

Good on her for listening to her spidey senses and for the sleuthing that led her to you. And good on you for engaging and helping her out with all the info she needed to hear to make the break. Justice!

Justice, indeed! And I know– I’m so glad she had the mind to do a search on him. I’m glad that the restraining order will stay on his record like a red flag, because I always looked up the guys I dated. Unfortunately, he’d never had anything stick. There were a couple things my cop brother could find that had been expunged, but nothing quite this damning. Now anyone who bothers to look will be able to find it.

So pleased to read that he is that freaked out about returning to your city and that this woman has got out quickly 😀 I’ve never had an email exchange with an ex’s new girlfriend but I did have a conversation with a woman who had just broken up with my ex after a very brief relationship. She said she didn’t have a clue how I had put up with him for so long which given we were only together for a few months says quite a lot! He was also prone to fantastic tales. These were usually graphic tales of torturing people that just didn’t quite add up but he also claimed to be able to control the weather, amongst other things, which should really have alerted me to the fact he wasn’t quite right in the head. Alas, I was also not quite right in the head, very naive and had no reference for a healthy relationship so it wasn’t until I left that I saw just how controlling and abusive the relationship was. Looking back it’s almost comical that I got sucked in at all. He would literally take elements of my life and have a more extreme version. I had anorexia nervosa so he had anorexia nervosa when he was in his 20s but he only weighed 5 stone (which would mean his BMI was under 9, I very much doubt that). He would lift entire parts of my childhood and implant them into his own. He was also supposedly discharged from the army for having paranoid schizophrenia and torturing people but his childhood friend who lived with him told a different story. Ugh, psycho exes. Thankfully they are exes!

I can’t even tell you how immensely relieved I was to hear that bit about him being unwilling to come around here. Because like my last post said– I still worry about it a lot.

And WOAH your ex sounds like he shares quite a few traits with mine. How scary. This guy also talked about torturing people towards the end, when he was super symptomatic. So freaking not okay– even if they never tortured anyone, the fact they fixated on it enough to develop these sorts of fantasies is almost more frightening.

I’m glad your city scares him. And I’m glad she did her research, that you responded tactfully and stuck to the facts. I’m also glad he’s reaping some karmic ED. Fuck off, ex. Except ooh, maybe NOW YOU CAN’T.

Maybe it will dry up, fall off, and blow away. His dick I mean. That would be poetic. You are to be admired Aussa. It was very honorable of you to contact this poor woman and give her your knowledge of this piece of shit. It scares me that he is still so close that it was conceivable for them to have dinner in the city you live in, but happy to know that he hadn’t any interest in going there, that in fact, he seemed afraid. I hope he continues to feel that way. Avoid Aussa At All Costs. AAAAC. It is weird that she was able to track you down too. Be alert my girl, because I also worry that she might have told him enough for him to add the whole thing up and come to a conclusion of you. The ass isn’t stable and you never know what might push him over the edge, clearly his bad karma is all your fault. It has nothing at all to do with him being a scum sucking, low life, sonofabitchmotherfucker. Sorry. Potty mouth. But gotta call a spade a spade you know? Stay safe.

I will definitely stay safe! I’ve been on the lookout all week, except for when I kind of stupidly decided to go for a walk in the wilderness yesterday. Gunmetal Geisha was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

And I do wish he’d just move to a different state, but I’ll probably be the one to do that in the next year or so… Additional tidbit I haven’t mentioned elsewhere: My coworker (who’s office I decorate Game of Thrones-like, and who was present at my restraining order hearing) ran into him at the grocery store on April 1st. Yes, April Fools Day. She said he looked terrified when he made eye contact, so I wonder if that “close call” was enough to push him over the edge.

And you’re right about the blame- he would definitely heap it all on me. Of course… maybe he’s so good at believing his lies that he’s forgotten I ever existed 😉

A walk in the wilderness would be nothing to freak about, as long as you took Zola with you. You did right? HA. Of course you did!

Holy Moley! I think I would have been terribly tempted to make a scene at the grocery. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” kinda thing, just to draw as much attention toward him as possible. fucker. get outta my grocery store. grrrrrrrr.

You know, that is true, if you can manage to tell yourself something over and over and over again you do tend to begin to believe it. That’s why the “tall tales” he has woven are semi believable. He has convinced himself so it is easier to portray the situation to others. But no, I don’t think even he can make himself deny your existence. You put him in his place like nobody before! And in doing so you have made a major contribution to society as a whole. You should get some kinda medal or something. Really. Plus, it would appear you put him in his place so well maybe ALL his future attempts to ruin another innocent woman’s life will end terribly for him. Or maybe that is just Karma.

“Get outta my grocery store” is exactly what I was thinking! It’s not one I ever go to by myself, but it’s where The Boyfran shops so we go there together sometimes. I felt very territorial about it, haha.

I hope that he’s learned his lesson and won’t repeat the behavior… from what I can tell, I was only the next in a long line of victims. Maybe I put an end to it? Hard to know. We can dream though!

After I divorced The Loser, he began to date a lovely girl at his work — and I do mean lovely! She was pretty, friendly, and super sweet to my girls. One day, when I dropped off the kids at the radio station where they worked, she pulled me aside and told me that The Loser had proposed, but she wanted to know why we had broken up before she made a decision. I’m ashamed to say that I was so happy about the prospect of having her be my kid’s step-mother that I just told her that we had “grown apart” and just “hadn’t gotten along.” She specifically asked about his drug use and I downplayed it.

They married — and before long he was doing things like charging $20,000 on electronics to her personal credit card so that he could return the goods for cash for his drug habit. He also started stealing pain killers from her parents. Of course, she divorced him after that – but I’ll always feel guilty I didn’t tell her the truth and save her from the heartache and hassle.

Oh dang. That really stinks, Jana. Then again, you’re really not responsible for the choices she made :-/

“The Other Woman” who dated my ex for 10 years said she used to do the same thing when talking to the Psycho Ex’s ex-wife. She’d downplay his crazy and say he wasn’t drinking, so that his kids could come visit. We do what we think makes sense at the time and sometimes we find out later that it doesn’t. C’est la vie!

If this keeps up he’s going to run out of women to date/terrorize. Don’t you guys have a secret underground network of information on guys? A vast database that you’re constantly adding to and referencing? I thought so.

Fantastic!
YES!
As I mentioned before, my BFF married a man I dated. Initially, I did offer warnings about controlling behavior and patterns of dysfunction in his family. She couldn’t hear my warnings, because IN LOVE, but in the end, not quite two years later, she did thank me for tryin. And yes, sometimes I love to dish with her about his shortcomings!

It’s such a weirdly comforting thing to bash someone with another person who KNOWS. But I think it can also be a dangerous toxic cycle… best kept to a minimum. Like cocaine.
JUUUUST KIDDING.
It’s crazy how we sometimes can’t hear the warnings people give us. I was warned about the ex by a couple coworkers. Didn’t listen. *sigh* At least this lady went asking for the warning.

My college boyfriend cheated on me with a girl who a few years later sent me a Facebook message apologizing because he’d told her at the time I was a crazy ex who kept contacting him (when in reality we were still in a relationship and I was naively unaware of his new friend). She said she would never have dated him if she’d known he were cheating at the time.

Nah 😉 I mean… he very well could, sure. But… he’s already heard me say the majority of these things under oath– twice. And I don’t think he knows that blogs exist… he never even had internet before. Of course, if I could direct him to one specific post, it would be the one with his naked photo. Always good for a laugh, that one.

WIN!! I’m sprinkling your aura with fairy dust and glitter (are those the same things?? Whatever – it’s HAPPY in a bottle so…) I don’t blame you for being wary.
As for being able to gloat – after my son’s tragic last vacation with his dad, the new wife (#3) and his half-sister from wife #2 the idiot sent our son nasty FB messages saying all kinds of horrible things. The wife called to bitch me out for including her in my text convo with my ex about this matter. She apparently didn’t appreciate me talking to her husband that way and denied he even HAD a FB account – claimed he’d been using his niece’s account to message our kid (the difference being…?). Either way, I asked her if she would like me to send her a screen-shot of her husband’s ACTUAL FB account with HIS NAME all over it – I was sure she’d appreciate seeing his list of “Friends” as well (all women). She hung up and the ex disappeared from FB within a day. I earned a few choice names from the ex, but I laughed being that he is STILL the same immature idiot he was when we met in HS. Plus he’s completely bald and fat now so… karma IS a bitch!

No way!!!! Oh my gosh, she didn’t even know he had a facebook account?!?! What an asshat, that’s incredible. He used it for messaging but kept it a secret from his wife? Oh man… the fail is strong with this guy.

Haha that’s exactly how it ended, with a good luck! I haven’t heard from her since the day she dumped him, and I doubt I will. I weighed the risk and decided it was worth it to tell her… and only mentioned things he’d previously heard me testify about.

I don’t care of he is impotent or not though obviously Fate is a payback bitch; he abused his sexuality and abused others so yeah good thing he got no boner. Even if he could get an erection I still feel that part when you mentioned he kept photos of people he killed, took weird ass naked photo with a sword, was a cheat who even cheated with another woman while with that first decade woman aside you. The guy is severely sadomasochistic. I can’t believe that an psycho war veteran is even allowed to keep a job in a psych ward and do so much crap to others. I am happy you helped her and yeah Christian virginal ladies or men can be susceptible unless they realize not everyone is good intention prone. Anyone a bit virginal and too openly optimistic can be targeted fucker-tapeworms like this. My first stalker was an obese, fucking bad weirdo who at first befriended me. Then he used to do really strange things and got pissed because he thought that was seduction. I hardly got seduced. I just treated him like a friend though yeah at one point because I was young and stupid I thought was I developing some feelings for him? Turned out I wasn’t. I may have been young but not that stupid. But he thought we were a “thing” — how can we.

Now I have better male friends some so decent that know that flirtation or mutual flirtation doesn’t equate relationship and one of them is so great he does things for me as in moral support and me too without thinking fuck-buddy and same here. You know you need decent friends of all genders and sexes. Our problem, globally, is that we all want as in exploitative-want something from people. It could be sex or material things or something. Friendship is not really based on that. I am happy that I have had the chance to talk to decent men even rejected by them romantically or sexually because I know good people have character, dignity, respect and personality especially shyness and won’t just say “yes” to everything 🙂

I’m glad you’ve been able to form healthy relationships with both men and women. I had a very good guy friend at the time that I went through the restraining order and I owe a HUGE debt of gratitude to him for helping me keep my mind straight– about myself, my worth as a human, etc. When I’d be telling myself horrible things, he’d be telling me I was wrong. People can be incredible as often as they are vile, that’s fa sho.

Now my ex picks women who are lonely and vulnerable. Yours picks ones that are intelligent. LOL I like this other woman. Smart like you. And yes, Karma is wonderful. I have never had an other woman contact me, but I sure contacted a lot of them when I was married to the ex. I think he used to like to be ‘found out’.

Since, in this life, I will never achieve karmic satisfaction re: my abusive ex, and, in any event, my current belief system tells me I should be instead praying for his soul to be transformed (or detected), I am so grateful for the opportunity you have provided to experience your victory vicariously.

I used to run into my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend on the subway frequently. They’d worked together in a group of mostly neat people, including my now-husband. Everybody got along really well. (My ex- started dating her a few months after we broke up and she had nothing to do with the fact that I’d decided that it was time to move on.) I continued to run into her as their relationship went down hill. It was sad to watch because she’s really a nice person. Parties were quite odd for a very long time (would the women who slept with Erik please assemble …)

I know, I almost felt sorry for her for the information dump. I mean… it’s definitely better than her having to wait and find it out on her own, but imagine asking a simple question and then finding all of that out! Bit of a mind f*ck, really.

I was so worried he had contacted you. As if you writing about him the other day had somehow caused him to contact you through some sort of abusive asshole clairvoyance. I know this sounds weird, and I am working on a post about this subject; the last time A contacted me I had been talking about him the day before and I got this kind of weird magical thinking like I had made it happen. Not in a “this is all my fault” way, more in a “I need to carefully guard my thoughts” way. But then I realized I was being fucking idiotic and stopped. And now I think of him with reckless abandon, with no regard for his abusive asshole clairvoyant powers.

Hahaha it’s like that “Secret” thing where you send things out to the universe and it sends them back to you. Or something.

I have two asshole exes and for a while there, if I had an encounter with one of them, I’d inevitably have something happen with the other as well. Unfreakingbelievable. It’s stopped for the last year or so, thank goodness.

An ex I’d been engaged to dumped me right before Valentine’s Day some years ago and not long after that I got a message from someone on an art website my ex and I were both on asking me things about my ex. It was a guy my ex was talking about dating. Surprised me! My ex also hurt this guy because he ended up leading him on and when I asked him about it he denied and did nothing but deny. I’m still friends with the guy who brought the questions to me, but I don’t think I’ll ever really speak to my ex again. I avoid him like the plague. Though I did see karma get him nicely. Bwahaha!!!

Glad to hear karma got to him as well! It seems inescapable at times. That’s crazy that they contacted you… I wonder what people used to do in olden days when there wasn’t any facebook or email. Send a letter? Hmmm.

I read the title of this post in my reader and instantly started looking at flights…I know you’re the most capable Hacker/Ninja out there but I really think this bloke should be (as the Chinese would put it) “disappeared”…for the sake of the next woman.

Um, everything about this…EVERYTHING! And yes, I have…my high school/college boyfriend had amazing taste in women, and while I don’t speak to him…I’m Facebook friends with three of the girls that followed me.

The time the crazy ex of a friend set out across Canada to kill me the cheap fock got to Moose Jaw, then turned back, bitching about the price of gas. I hope this woman keeps clear away from this guy, you did well to help her.

I hope she keeps clear of him as well. I know we sometimes don’t make the best decisions in light of all the information we’d ever need (um, hello, me!) but she really seemed quite resolute and horrified by what I’d told her. I do worry about the next girl, but I suppose the world is full of people who need help… we should all help who we can and hopefully someone will be there for her as well. Unless she messages me, that could be a fun new trend in my life. HA.

Why is it every other crazy guy seems to practically have women swooning over him. Even with libido problems!! Seriously?!?! I have a hard time even getting one to reply to e-mails, let alone dating two at once (which I wouldn’t do anyways). People who make bad choices seem to have the best luck, doesn’t seem like Karma to me. Great post as always. Maybe more people can learn from it ahead of time instead of consulting you afterwards. I am just glad you share your stories, advise, and lessons learned with us for free.

You’re so funny– I can only speak for myself, but I think that some women can be vulnerable to an attitude that looks like confidence… but is really just narcissistic asshattery. If we’re lucky, we eventually figure out that it’s the guys with no game– like The Boyfran– who lead to a happy ending.

I do find his impotence amusing. Too bad more abusive cads aren’t thusly afflicted. So it turns out that your legal travails got to be put to good use for the sake of this new now non-victim. Weren’t you thinking of such an eventuality while making your case? I could be remembering that wrong.
After Briana and I split up romantically, a long line o her subsequent boyfriends came to me for advice, but I told them all the same thing: You’ve got nothing coming from me. There are amusing stories surrounding that time, but I’ll not share them at her expense.

You know that collar some people put on their pets that says, “If found, please call _______”? He needs to wear a dog collar that says, “If found attempting to date, please call Aussa at _________ for the full rundown on why you should run for the hills!” You’re a sweetheart to steer this lady in the right direction! I hope anyone else he tries to date is just as savvy and checks him out!

HAHA! Oh my gosh, I love it Darcy. The idea of a collar fits perfectly with my evil dream of setting up a website that is hisrealname.com with all his dirty deeds listed out. But alas, I still prefer to be on the defense, not the offense.

I too hope that the women keep googling him. That should be considered routine dating procedure in this day and age.

Geez you have a lot of comments! 😉 Okay the mother in me says BE CAREFUL! I knew a man once who stalked a close relative of mine. When things were going good he disappeared. When they got bad for HIM he returned. Though I’m thrilled this woman took control and did what she needed to do, I’d be aware. I hope that doesn’t damper the party of karma!

Colleen, my brother has said the same thing. Like, these sorts of men have some sort of cycle that they go through… they disappear for a while, but then something triggers them and they come back. That’s why I’m not letting my guard down anytime soon. I will feel better after I eventually move away.

Oh, what a delightful outcome for Mr. Psycho Ex. I cant stop laughing to be honest, though it is sobering to think of how many amazing women he has victimized and stalked. I know you know to be careful, but it does worry me at the same time that he’s even indirectly in the picture still.

I probably would have replied to an exe’s new flame’s email. I haven’t been awarded that pleasure yet, but I am sure it is possible. 🙂

Definitely still possible that this could happen! We are all too easy to find nowadays, haha.

And “sobering” is the perfect word to describe the reality of his pattern towards women… I think of his ex-gf who was with him for 11 years… then me for 11 months… then this woman for 3 months… maybe we can keep decreasing the amount of time that a woman is wiling to put up with his BS. *fingers crossed*

Sounds like some poetic justice … also he has the “misfortune” of picking up smart women like you and your new friend so his reign of terror is short-lived. Me thinks he should just get a blow-up doll and be done with it 😉

If I had been in your situation where the woman could have been in danger then yes, I would definitely have responded. But otherwise, probably not. I haven’t ever been contacted by the new flame of an ex, though. I’m not even in contact with my exes. I guess it would just depend on the reason she was contacting me. I try to stay away from extra drama so anyone trying to start that with me would just get ignored.

Definitely. It’s way too easy to get pulled into that sort of drama… it was the idea of her being in danger that made it an almost no-brainer for me. And the way she articulated herself in the email, she just seemed very no-nonense and like she genuinely needed help.

Seriously. Maybe that libido will diminish to such an extent that he will just become an asexual creature. Except I think it’s more about control and manipulation at this point. *sigh* Well, thank goodness for a state with public court records, huzzah!

I know. I could just imagine hearing that something bad had happened. That’s a dark fear of mine, to read about him in a newspaper after he’s done something terrible. I’ve done what I can though. And I think you’re right about him not refraining from dating– I think he can change and rewrite as much of his life and become a chameleon but he will always need someone to mistreat and lord over. I wish I were wrong about that.

Oh, this will probably not be the end of this. As your popularity continues to grow and when you sign a book deal that will get you “National Best-Seller” credentials, more and more stories will be popping up in regard to your ex. Popularity is good and bad; at least, for you, you would be on the positive end as opposed to his being on the negative end.

All bad things eventually come back around: some aspects for Karma, zombies, anything that is placed into that one particular pet cemetery (or “sematary”), that pesky full moon that brings out the werewolf in everybody, herpes, Terminator, snowflakes, Tom Cruise, biblical plagues, that pesky cat that “comes back the very next day” … The list could go on.

Hopefully he’ll find his moving away to the LaBrea Tar Pits quite successful. After all, the only way to remove yourself from a sticky situation is to put yourself into another one.

Haha Chris, you flatter me! I dream of such a book development 😉 That would be terrifying and hilarious if more stories came out. I honestly can’t imagine… I’ve had such a small glimpse into his overall story and it’s all so dark. I have a similar feeling about my father, actually. It’s kind of sad/scary/terrible what some people choose to do with their lives.

Oh my gosh I just finished reading the rest of your comment after typing that above. You’re freaking hilarious, thank you for all of that!

Nope, can’t say I’ve been contacted by an ex’s new flame….then again, I’ve been married for 16 years. I’m just praying that none of my husband’s current flames contact me (yes, I’m joking….they can contact me anytime). Seriously though, that you even have to go through anything that has to do with that guy is unfair. On the flip side, the flame is probably incredibly thankful to you for the heads up. Keep safe Ninja.

Haha! You’re hilarious Holli. Love that parenthetical statement. And it’s weird to have this same drama repeatedly resurface, but I do feel like I’ve gotten a decent amount of distance from it… at least emotionally. Probably because I’ve written about it. The more I look at life as a story, the more I’m willing to let it get a little weird. Far more interesting.

I was totally catfished by someone online before anyone else worked it out. Can’t deny having enjoyed watching the inevitable fallout from the sidelines months later…except for all the unanswered questions left echoing in my brain. It’s hard to imagine being some people, and understanding why they do the things they do…I was really worried for a minute here that it was a setup. So glad to hear your ex has suffered some consequences for having messed with you! Fingers crossed for the new chick…

Ooooh that sounds like there could be a really interesting story there, Alarna! Not gonna lie, the whole catfishing thing is incredibly intriguing to me… like you said, hard to imagine what’s going on in some of these people’s brains.

Holy crap! Thats some crazy business right there! He should probably keep his family rescuing stories straight next time…just in case.

I can’t say that I’ve ever been contacted by an ex’s new love interest, but I can say that I can say I’ve felt a little tinge of unicorns and rainbows when somethings gone awry with someone who’s wronged me. I felt a little guilty about it, but then the unicorns and rainbows stepped in and told me not to 😉

Hahahaha I’m glad the unicorns and rainbows corrected your thinking 😉 I don’t think it’s absolutely awful to sort of celebrate the arrival of karma… especially when you’re just a bystander to it’s arrival.

I can’t imagine having to carry that weight and fear around. So crazy.

In college I was “seeing” one of my exes, when out of the blue, this girl calls up and explains that she’s his girlfriend and he said he wanted to marry her and be the father of her children. I stupidly responded with “He doesn’t have a girlfriend.” Because that’s what I had been told. No craziness or restraining orders, but it was still a punch in the gut, being lied to like that.

Wow. Definitely a punch in the gut. Such a betrayal, it really makes you wonder how you can believe anyone, when someone is capable of lying to you straight out like that. I hope she had the sense to also get away… it’s frightening to think he is probably someone’s husband right now.

wow internet has certaintly changed things! It has made interactions such as this possible. I would have been afraid of the “cat fish” too, but it has to be a relief to know he is staying out of your way~!

I know! It makes me wonder how people managed this back in the day. You KNOW people have always been unfaithful… maybe there was a lot of sneaky carriage drivebys and spies dressed as stable boys or something.

Well I have to come over to Bloglovin to find you nowadays. You continued to date him after he told he he went on a mission to kill a family? Of course you did, I have done similar things. So does she read your blog?

Very dumb, I think it caused a lot of people to unfollow me in the WordPress reader :-/ You can re-add me by hitting “edit” on there, or sign up for the emails. A total casualty of self-hosting, I’m afraid!

Anyways, yes. I thought it was a joke when he first told me but towards the end he was quite serious about it. Ridiculous, that I stayed. *sigh*

So many people stay Aussa. So many people make bad choices and they are not even bothering to capitalize on it like us. Well peole will find you at your new site. I did now didn’t I? I laughed today reminiscing about your portrait of his selfie and his sword(s). Word Press Unfollows people on its own, very sneaky that Word Press. I look forward to reading more.

Oh man. What a tough situation you were put in. The last thing you needed was to go back “there” even if through somebody else’s experience. Our curiosity gets in the way sometimes and we need to know things even when we realize it’s best not to know or engage. It must feel good to know that you saved her from the potential harm that he would have bestowed upon her. She is lucky that you responded and were able to warn her. Karma is sweeeeeet!

Karma is definitely sweet! And I know– if she weren’t a nice, normal sort of human, she could have dragged me back into all the crazy. I’m so glad that didn’t happen! It seemed worth the risk though, in light of her having kids. And learning a little humorous intel about him was definitely a bonus 😉

Catfishing is when someone creates a fake online identity in order to deceive someone into thinking they are something they’re not– different than an alter ego, it’s usually people who have long distance internet-only relationships.

There’s a reality TV show where they track these people down to see whether or not they’re catfishing their online love-interests, and apparently it came from a movie about the same thing, which was called “Catfish.” The term was originally part of a story where weak cod fish were put in with catfish in order to make them appear to be healthier than they were. So they were “catfishing” the buyers.

You’ve got to love it when that happens. I suppose it’s kind of like a service to the universe for them to cancel each other out in the crazy department. At least they won’t be tormenting any emotionally stable people.

Damn, I’m so far behind on your exploits! I just saw this one…interestingly, the day after I WAS THE CONTACTOR of my (up until two days ago) boyfriend’s exes. I found her on his email that he left open on my computer. It was an interesting chat…and I too learned that he’d been seeing both of us at the same time…along with a couple of other women. It’s just not easy finding out that your lover is a sociopath…I thought of your situation and wondered how you were doing…so happy to see that you’re engaged and in love with something real and meaningful! Yay!

Wow. Ugh, I’m sorry to hear that about your EX-boyfriend. What an arse. There has to be something seriously wrong with these guys, to need to overlap so many women at a time. UGH. Thankfully you can be rid of him and away from all that now, I hope. LOVE that you found out about it and contacted the woman for a chat. Hopefully she is smart too.

I wasn’t going to write about it on my blog, but I thought about you and all that you’ve shared, and I somehow just knew that it would be a good thing. The minute I hit ‘publish’ a weight lifted off of me. 🙂

On one evening I received calls from my ex husband’s girlfriend and also another woman claiming to be seeing him at the same time. They had found out about each other and wanted to ask me if I knew of any other women he was involved with (I hadn’t a clue). I’d tried to keep a civilised relationship with him when we divorced which was more than he deserved so these women knew I still spoke to him. It transpired he’d stopped having sex with his girlfriend and had been unable to perform with the second one, I told them it was his pattern and to not expect the situation to change anytime soon. They both finished with him that night but promised they would not involve me in any of it. I then got a stream of frantic calls from him which I didn’t answer, thank God I lived in a top floor apartment with a security entrance because he also tried to pay me a visit. He was waiting by my car the next morning to tell me about his woes and I did my best to keep a straight face and look empathetic. Vengeance is mine sayeth the ex wife ..

Again, great job. I’ll bet you can even fold a fitted sheet. Seriously, great post and I am glad you were able to help her. See things happen so we can paybit forward and help others. Hawk! I’m sentimental today!

AHHHH! I have the most boring job in the history of mind numbing jobs and naturally I keep myself amused by cannonballing down the rabbit hole of you and your gloriously sordid tales! And! Just when I think I’ve read everything something new peaks it’s little head into the burrow. So I am at this article and I have to know the story of befriending the other woman; however, the link is broken! You’ve drawn me in and you only have yourself to blame for my obsession.

[…] Honorable Mention: Let’s not forget that after taking months to blog out the full story of my abusive ex boyfriend who’s life I had to destroy after he attempted to destroy mine, I was contacted by his new girlfriend, who immediately broke up with him afterwards. […]

[…] my birthday, New Years, and even got a Congratulations text when I got engaged. Then again, when his new girlfriend emailed me out of the blue, I still responded. Hey– I never said I’d learn from my […]