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Disney Freaks Over Bad Santa; Thought Bad Meant Nice.

FRESH OUTTA THE KNUCKLEHEAD DEPARTMENT: Well, Disney is griping again – this time it’s about something that would have been so painfully obvious, some flashy executive has no right to complain. Here comes my Disney rant, ready? GO!

Okay, now: let’s play along here for a second: Are You:

– a bizillionaire fat-cat that sits behind a desk and tells the public what movies to watch? Did someone bring to the table a movie called “Bad Santa”? Did You Say “okay”? Did it get made? And are you ticked off that the movie made Santa look… oh poopsie, what’s that word.. ah, yes…. BAD?!?!

If you answered yes to all of these, then: You Are a Mental Fart. — Or you work for Disney. Or both.

According to Ananova.com, Disney finds the notion of a “drinking, f*cking Santa Claus” (ie: BAD) as bad. (see? Am I not making fantastic sense here? how is this a shock?)

Here’s the thing: the film is made by Miramax (owned by Disney) – who also released Kill Bill and the Scary Movie series! Scary Movie?? I’m sorry, what was that “appropriate” nonsense you were babbling about? Sure, the argument: “But this is bastardizing Santa! An icon of childhood joy!!” is valid, but to that I say this: IT’S CALLED “BAD SANTA”, WHAT IN BA-HOOBIES WERE YOU EXPECTING?? Bad-SMELLING Santa!?!? Geez!! Give me your uber-cash salary, and I’ll do your blasted job FOR you.

But even still, look at the big picture Mr. Freud: The movie’s trailer says: “And now, a hopeless kid, and a Santa nobody liked, are teaching each other a lesson… The naughtiest guy in town, just might discover, how to be nice.” You’ll have to excuse the filmmakers for assuming that you’d catch onto the bigger picture and THE FLIPPING TITLE!!

“Nothing appears sacred, anymore, this is just not in the spirit of Walt Disney,” is what a ‘source’, is reported as saying. And to THAT, I say this: — Where was your sacredness when you kept bastardizing my childhood stories? Remember the Little Mermaid? the Hunchback of Notre Dame? Yeah, they all DIED! They lost!! Whatever happened to teaching kids that life can sometimes be a bucket of piss? I spent days and months dwelling on the fate of the Little Mermaid, and wondering “what if she’d done this?” — but Disney makes everything all fluffy and forgettable. Sigh. But I digress.

Lastly, I say two quick points: 1) the movie is rated R anyway!!!, – So was Scary Movie!! It’s not FOR kids, so WHO FLIPPING CARES?!?! (Maybe the studio knows that kids get into Rated R movies anyway, but perish the thought they do something about that — too much revenue to lose)