Sorry, we got this posted as soon as we could; we know how exhausting it can be to never stop barfing. Luckily, your days of working, playing, sleeping and loving while constantly throwing up are over: Morgan Freeman has officially denied dating his 27-year-old step-granddaughter E’Dena Hines! “The recent reports of any pending marriage or romantic relationship of me to anyone are defamatory fabrications from the tabloid media designed to sell papers. What is even more alarming is that these fabrications are now being picked up by the legitimate press as well,” the Dark Knight Rises actor said in a statement this afternoon in response to rumors about his engagement to Hines. Hines is the granddaughter of Morgan’s ex-wife Jeanette Adair Bradshaw, and as such is not his biological relative. If she was…well, we probably wouldn’t be able to stop barfing even when we found out this wasn’t true. We’d be too far gone.

As you may know, gossip about a relationship between the two has been swirling since at least 2009. Hines also issued a statement today, confirming “These stories about me and my grandfather are not only untrue, they are also hurtful to me and my family.” We imagine they would be. Now let us never, ever, ever speak of this rumor again, and go get something to eat. Three years of non-stop hurling will make you work up a serious appetite!