07 Jan 2013

Is your three year old driving you crazy? Does he hit, kick, and bite his friends? Has he been asked to leave his preschool or daycare? Have you been locking yourself in the closet to get away from him?

Don’t worry — there’s help! Monster Preschool Boarding Academy has openings right now for kids just like yours. Our gentle, talented teachers are professionally trained to deal with typical three-year-old behavior like tantrums and biting. Our program is tailored for your preschooler’s needs and includes activities like Bouncing Off the Walls, Climbing to the Top of the Furniture, and our ever-popular Three-Hour Screamfest. Best of all, we’re more than just a daycare — we’re a 24/7 boarding school. We take children as young as 2.5 years, and we keep them long enough to develop essential life skills like logical conversation, self-advocacy, sleeping through the night, and going for 24 hours without screaming.

Reserve your space now and get a 50% off sibling discount! — usable any time in the next five years!

Stop suffering through the preschool years. Take a break from parenting. Send your little monster to Monster Preschool Boarding Academy.

3 Comments

Love this. My 3 year old doesn’t do tantrums very often but I’d send my 5 year old if I could. Right now he’s mad at me because I took away his video time after he kept pinching and biting his 2 year old sister and he keeps saying “Mama, you shouldn’t take my video away.” Ha. His tantrums are awful.

lcbaker January 11 2013 18:43 pm

Oh, please don't tell me this. My daughter is about to turn 5. Four has been better than 3, and if 5 involves a regression, I may have to send her away for real.