Living the dream. No, really.

For as long as I have known about best seller lists, I’ve been fascinated by them. When someone points out that it seems as though every book can claim that it was a best-seller, I feel strangely protective. Defensive even.

Someone worked hard to write that book. More people helped cull out the good parts and edit away the not-so-good. That book is someone’s dream. And I can respect that. Because it’s also my dream.

A few weeks ago I received my Erwerbstätigkeit Gestattet, or for those of us who aren’t versed in German immigration law terminology, my work visa. This has brought up a few conversations about what I might do now. Continue my marketing business after being on hiatus? Apply for a marketing job where they need native-English speakers?

Of course, I wanted to write my book, but let me tell you that keeping up a house, learning a new language and even just grocery shopping takes a lot out of me. (This might sound weird but ask anyone who’s living abroad: shit takes time.) Add working to the mix — Sante wanted me to work more and make money — and I knew that the writing, the REAL writing, would probably have to wait.

But I could dream, couldn’t I? And so I started working with The Artist’s Way again. I got out my vision board. I’ve been doing affirmations and all sorts of woo-woo stuff. And while Sante was away, I watched a silly animated movie and was struck by the theme. Here’s a taste:

I really wanted to write a best selling book. And not when we were retired. Now. In 2014. I acknowledged my dream and thought, “If I can work 40 hours for someone else, why can’t I work that much for myself, but put some of that into writing short stories and entering writing contests?”

Maybe Sante could agree to that. It seemed like a bit of a compromise. I was excited for him to come home so we could talk about it.

A few nights later after Saturday dinner was finished and we were sitting around about to watch a movie, I turned to him and started to propose my idea. He stopped me.

“I’ve been thinking about it and I think you should pick one thing you really want to do and focus on it. Do it well, even if it’s not gonna make a lot of money right away.

“So if you want to write a book, do it. But you’ve gotta work really hard on it. Because this is hard for me.”

I was shocked. STUNNED. This was not at all what I expected. Not in a billion years. OK, maybe a billion, but definitely not in a few hundred thousand.

This man? Amazing.

What a wonderful, trusting and kind thing to do! Sante makes more money right now and we don’t have as many bills (not needing to drive everywhere will do that), but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t be more comfortable if I was working. Sante is my benefactor, and that is what my kind of artist needs.

What’s wild was my first thoughts after I realized it was true were: What if I can’t think of anything to write? Fear of failure? Fear of success? Then my friend and former life coach Tanya sent me a new meditation on a whim (I’m not even her client right now) about exactly that.

And there has been no shortage of inspiration. Book chapters and ideas are spilling out of me. I’ve got a backlog of blog post ideas. I’ve just gotta trust the Universe here. I mean after all, it’s my dream. And since I started spelling it out in clearer terms, things have been going my way.

Rarely, Rebecca, are the first steps in a journey anything like the final ones, either in direction, pace, or grace. So please believe me when I tell you that none of those things are even half as important as the fact that there are steps at all.

Vroom, vroom –
The Universe

P.S. Rebecca, by the time you’re really rolling, it will be in a direction you cannot now even imagine. So please, for the time being, just roll.

And last night I had a dream. In it, flowers and food fell from the sky while people sang and danced — think Biblical miracle. I think they were singing this:

An old friend appeared to me and said, “Suddenly all my dreams are coming true.” Mine are too, my friend. And I hope everyone reading this feels inspired to chase their dreams and move closer to their highest self.

P.S. If you like that song, you should check out the band. (That links to free streaming goodness.) They rock in a serious way. If you can see The Bright Light Social Hour live, I highly recommend it.