Homer: Well, give me a Y, give me a…Hey! All I have to type is Y. (to Marge) Hey, Miss Doesn't-find-me-attractive-sexually-anymore, I just tripled my productivity!

Marge: Good. Good for you.

Lisa: Ew! Mom, this whole thing is really creepy. Are you sure you won't talk to Dad?

Marge: Mmm, I'd like to, honey, but I'm not sure how. Your father can be surprisingly sensitive. Remember when I giggled at his Sherlock Holmes hat? He sulked for a week and then closed his detective agency.

Lisa: Mom, were you ever planning to step in and put a stop to this?"

Marge: Normally your father's crackpot schemes fizzle out as soon as he finds something good on TV. But this season… (shudders)

Homer: Ohh…225! That means I lost weight!

Bart: Ahem…Homer, you're, uh, on the towel rack.

(Homer moves his stomach. The scale shows 296.)

Homer: Woo hoo! Four more pounds and my dream comes true: working at home.

Lisa: Obesity is really unhealthy, any doctor will tell you that.

Homer: Oh yeah? Well we'll just see about that little miss smart guy!

Cut to Dr. Hibbert's office

Dr. Hibbert: (gasps) My God, that's monstrous. I've never heard of anything so negligent -- I'll have no part of it!

Homer: Can you recommend a doctor who will?

Dr. Hibbert: Yes!

Cut to Dr. Riveria's office

Dr. Nick: Hi everybody!

Bart: If you gain 61 pounds they'll let you work at home?

Homer: Y'uh huh, that's the deal. No more exercise program, no more traffic, no more blood drives or charity walks.

Bart: Dad, I know we don't do a lot together but helping you gain 61 pounds is something I want to be a part of.

Homer: Hey, where's Charlie? How'd he get out of this?

Carl: Uh, he's at home on disability.

Lenny: Yeah, he got injured on the job and they sent him home with pay. It's like a lottery that awards stupidity.

Homer: Stupidity, eh?

Homer: But this season I'm looking for something loose. Something comfortable for my first day of work.

Mr. Burns: Now Homer, if there is anything else I can do for you, please let me know.

Homer looks at his family and sees how hard his obesity has made life for them.

Homer: Can you make me thin again?

Mr. Burns: I guarantee it.

Nighttime. Mr. Burns and Homer are the only two present at the plant. Homer strains himself to do situps.

Mr. Burns: {through megaphone} One. One! ONE!

Mr. Burns throws megaphone to ground in frustration.

Mr. Burns: Drat! I will just pay for the blasted liposuction!

Homer: Woo hoo!

Lenny: Every part of me's getting exercise! Even my big fat mouth!

Homer: Yeah, even your big fa- D'oh!

Fat Homer is weighing himself. He weighs 299 pounds.

Homer: I've got ten minutes to gain a pound or I have to go to work...

Bart walks in with empty food containers.

Bart: Bad news, Dad. We're out of food. You even ate all the basic elements of food. You ate all the tarragon and you drank all our soy sauce.

Homer: (worried) I need a miracle.

Maggie hands Homer a blob of play-doh.

Homer: Oh honey, that looks just like a REAL donut.

Bart: Hey Homer, it says it's non-toxic!

Homer has already eaten the play-doh and is licking his fingers.

Homer: Well that's a plus.

The scale goes up to 300 pounds.

Homer: Woo-hoo! I did it!

Bart: Homer - you're uh... on the towel rack.

Homer lifts his gut off the towel rack and the scale shoots way over 300 pounds.

Homer: (giggles happily) Wow... oh my!

Homer: Marge... this is everything I've ever dreamed of right here - and no one's going to take it away from me! (Homer grabs and shakes his fat stomach) You never had faith in me before, but let me tell you - the slim lazy Homer you knew is dead! Now I'm a big fat dynamo! And where's that cake?