Letter Day: The Sequel

September 11, 2006

Oh you thought we was joking, but we spit nothing but TRUTH. It’s letter day Mark II, get ready for some edification. Dr. Entropy is sick this week so I will be handling the letter answering duties again.We will start things off with a hold over letter from last week.

Hey Valiant,

Way to sit around all day watching cartoons and getting angry like a little bitch. You don’t even watch new cartoons, I can picture you with a stack of beta cassettes and bowl of cheesies getting fatter and fatter, angry at the world since they cancelled transformers. Real shit is going on, why don’t you get angry and confused about the all Arabs blowing shit up instead? Dirty Julio Shamtiwise

Ok, first off my name has two L’s in it. Second off there are a lot more than just Arabs blowing shit up, but I figure there is enough self righteous polemic going around that I don’t need to throw my hat in the ring. Additionally I have a fairly balanced and rational perspective on world affairs, this makes horrible grist for entertaining writing. If I don’t feel strident and outraged about something any article attacking it will be terribly equivocated, justified, and unpalatably moderate in tone. Fuck that noise.

———————————————————————————–What the fuck do you know about an ascot?

Freddie

I have since been informed, by loyal reader Mighty Mike, that I indeed know very little about what an Ascot is. Turns out you (assuming this is the really Freddie and not some reader posing as him) just tied a napkin around your neck, likely for purposes of auto erotic asphyxiation.

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I think I’ve got a whole nest of spiders in my gut.

They have been stealing my words and rewiring my nervous system to make me do terrible things. I bought one of those bug eating Geckos but I can’t bring myself to swallow it. Any advice?

Twig Gallbery

Well goddamn Twig, you put me in an awkward position.

Medical advice is a little outside the mandate of the letter page; still I did say ask us whatever so I’ll give it a shot.

Right off, swallowing that Gecko will do you no favours. Those spiders will have it turned round to their cause five seconds down the chute. What you need is to get your self a jazz flute and let loose with a crazy improv throw down. Spiders, being staid and rigid arachnids, hate and fear modern jazz. A few groovy bars of that nonsense and they will be swarming up your throat and attacking your flute and hands with a vengeance. Thing is no matter how much they sting and bite, you have to keep going until they all leave. It’s like antibiotics, it will only make it worse if you go half measures. Also remember: it not so much the notes you play, as the notes you don’t play, that will really drive them wild. If you can get the Gecko to lay down a little wire brush on a high hat and snare as accompaniment it would help a lot.

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You guys have a lot of updates for such a small site.

Where do you get all your ideas?

Jenny, Toronto

Mostly from Twig’s spiders.

Sometimes I write down conversation I hear on the bus.

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Jaybird puts up mostly Techno, is that all you guys listen too?

If not can each one of you put up a song that you feel most indicative of your musical tastes and personality.

Jesse

No, we all have fairly different, and diverse, musical tastes.

I will talk to the lads and see if we can arrange a selection from each of us to give you a little insight into inner beings.

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I bet you make a ton of cash of this site.

Tony S.

I found a dime once while sorting through the mailbag.

Also, I suppose since I write this mostly at work, I could count my actual pay as remunerations for doing this site. Jaybird lost his home and family since he started working on Beats Entropy. The rest of people are figments of my imagination and have no use for money.

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This might be a little heavy for beats Entropy but I have question about 9/11 (God that sounds like a convenience store). Let’s put aside all the conspiracy stuff for a moment, do you not think all the hype and excess veneration is a bit much five years later? More people die in Dafur in a month and they are not building a billion dollar memorial to it. You guys are shameless and irreverent, can you do some sort of satirical piece about it? Maybe Pawtucket and King Olaf hurling people of the top of the WTC.

Tired Of the Hype, Rochester NY

Has the mourning become sanctified and blown up to an absurd level: yeah probably.

It was dramatic and tragic, but more people do die of heart disease everyday and nobody bats an eye. Still it’s no different than a parent who loses a child and mourns as if no child has ever died before. The horror was unique to our time and situation, so you have to expect the grief will be that much more drawn out and dramatic.

As for the humour thing, that is not something I would enjoy. I do think no subject is untouchable, but I would personally feel small and ugly using a moment so filled with sorrow, heroism, and sacrifice, to get cheap laughs for my website. I can’t help but imagine the kids of some fireman, who gave up his life to lead a few people to safety, stumbling across this page and being hurt by it. I don’t have any shame but I do have a little respect and empathy.

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Long time reader, first time writer.

Just wanted to say I’m feeling your flow Brah

Keep it rolling.

Zack

I thought my flow seemed a little jumpy lately.

Reign in those grabby hands Zack.

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Well that is all the letters, keep them coming in folks.

Coming up this week we will have a guest posting, a collaboration between Engtech’s site and myself, some suspicious business from Wormwood, and many delights and fancitudes for your perusal.

The all inspiring, co-conspiring, on all cylinders firing, staff at Beats Entropy.