New Orleans Named #1 Most Romantic City to Contract a Disease

The awards keep on pouring in as New Orleans reaches its tricentennial. The Crescent City, already known as the “Paris of the South” for its incredibly amorous atmosphere, has added yet another loving accolade to its extensive list.

Traveler Today magazine has named New Orleans the nation’s most romantic city to contract a disease for 2018.

“After exhaustive studies and surveys, we found that New Orleans is absolutely the nation’s top city for lovers looking to share the ultimate love-to-death experience within the United States,” said Hugh Dayd, editor of Traveler Today.

“With its infectiously warm culture, frequent boil-water advisories, and enchanting Old World charm reminiscent of Europe’s Bubonic plague era, New Orleans is truly the only city in the nation where we feel a person can really connect with those they love by contracting and then infecting him or her with the disease du jour.”

While New Orleans has not had a major health epidemic since Yellow Fever infected the Crescent City in 1905, officials are working hard to make sure it is prepared to meet the star-crossed sub-standards of a city that is leading the nation.

New Orleans continues to set the national sub-standard, easily beating out its closest competitors Flint Creek, Michigan, Slab City, California, and Atlanta, Georgia.

“New Orleans is one-of-a-kind in so many ways, and we are so very honored to finally be recognized for our third world infrastructure in such a significant way,” said Alex Bodin, a spokesman for the New Orleans Tourism Marketing Corporation.

“While we haven’t had an epidemic in over 100 years, we’re working feverishly with Mayor Mitch Landrieu’s office to make sure our city’s piping, water system, health system, and roadways put us in a prime position to land one the next time an outbreak is even remotely possible. Everyone is going to catch New Orleans fever this year.”

Dr. John Moses, a senior epidemiologist with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), agrees.

“Before declaring New Orleans the winner, Traveler Today asked me what I thought about the city, and with its health issues, it seems a perfect setting to contract any number of diseases. The government there has really done a great job, rivaling its state’s own award-winning authorities.”

In awarding New Orleans the title, Traveler Today noted the city’s unwavering commitment to maintaining a water system that rivals anything from medieval times.

“The way New Orleans makes its citizens constantly boil water because it may be dangerous to their health, and even then only gives them notice of the issue long after most of them have already used it to brush their teeth, take showers or get a drink, really put it over the edge. This city is on another level, like the New England Patriots, so it was unanimous. Our entire team voted for New Orleans as number one. Can you say dynasty?” said Dayd.

In addition to recently being named the number one place to visit in the world in 2018 by New York Times, the New Orleans Tourism Marketing Corporation says it has plans to incorporate the newest title into several grand celebrations leading up to the city’s tricentennial this year.

“Expect an increase in water boils, flooding, and potholes over the next few months — we’re going to party like it’s 1718,” said Bodin.

Knowla

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Neutral Ground News is a satire and parody publication primarily about New Orleans news that should not be taken seriously or by anyone dead on the inside and is intended for an immature audience over 18 years of age.

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