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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Dreaming of Motherhood

**this is a blog of my opinions and observations on life. It in no way is seeking to offend anyone

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. I have always “clicked” with children, and enjoy being around them so much. I’ve babysat for over half my life, nannied, and spent a ton of time with my adorable nephews; I just cannot get enough. Deep in my heart I have always known I was meant to be a mother.

I think it has become taboo in our society to say one is “meant to be a mother”. As in, most of society expects a woman to be something, and then be a mother on top of that. As in, “I am a doctor, who is also a mother”. Being simply a mother is never enough.

Here is where I have a big problem with modern society. I feel as if expectations of women have gotten so far out of reach and out of touch with God’s plan for our lives. Here, I am not thankful to some parts of the feminist movement.

Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed my fair-share of feminist perks. For example, I graduated from a university that was all-male until the 1970s. I have a college degree, and I was able to find a job with a company that adheres to equality of the sexes. It is nice to have equality in some places. For example, I like knowing that when I am on the phone with the CFO of a company, he/she will take me seriously no matter what my sex. I have been in the position where I was not taken seriously simply due to my being female, namely when I was living overseas, and I definitely hated it.

What I wish feminism had accomplished, however, was equality between men and women such that a woman fulfilling herself is as respected as a man fulfilling himself. I don’t believe the sexes are the same. Women think differently, have different strengths and weaknesses, and are meant by God to fulfill different roles than men are. That does not mean, however, that I think the sexes are unequal. Women should have just as many rights as men, and being treated as inferior keeps women from being the Godly partners they were supposed to be for the men in their lives.

What I don’t like about the manifestation of equality in modern society is that it has equated women with men, making us feel as if our goals should be their goals, our strengths should be their strengths. The result of this is that women feel that they need to fulfill so many roles: the wife, the CEO, the sex kitten, the mother, the provider, the care-taker. Modern society tells us that the ideal woman is dominating in the boardroom while submitting in the bedroom. This kind of pressure is exactly why men and women were created differently: to fulfill different roles.

The result is women who are overworked, feeling guilty, and constantly working to please other people’s expectations of what a modern woman should be. This sounds like just another version of female suppression. Why can’t a woman devote her life to her children if she chooses? Why can’t a woman devote her life to being a good housekeeper and wife? The constant pressure of having to bring home the bacon on top of the biological urge to mother children leaves women in the situation of having to play limbo between two extremely important roles. The result in America is women returning to work 6 weeks after their baby is born, entrusting their child to be raised by strangers all day. Why do women have to return to work so soon and forfeit that precious time with their children? Because society equates women with men.

As I look towards having children of my own, I hate that I have to worry about what society expects of me. Some will believe that staying home to raise my children is a “waste” of my brain, my degree, and my expertise. They may even believe that by not putting my children in daycare, I am stunting their social growth. Many will believe it is only acceptable for me to fulfill my dreams if such dream is to become a doctor or climb Mount Everest; somehow being a mother is never an acceptable dream in itself.

For me, devoting myself to motherhood will fulfill something I have always known about myself: It is what I was born to do.

4 comments:

Our culture totally reflects selfishness in this area too, I think. It is all about YOU, YOUR career, YOUR pocketbook, YOUR fullfillment. I love to stay at home because (of course I love to be with my kids) but I am building for the future--shaping minds and lives that will (hopfully) go on to shape minds and lives for generations. As christians (which our family is) we believe that the greatest work we can do isn't with us or with things but with people. Life isn't about me, it is about others. Good post!

I agree Ivy; society has become very selfish in this area. What better thing to invest in than the next generation, teaching them and growing them in Christ? People seem to spend so much time investing only in themselves, and in the end they wonder why they aren't happy.

That is how I felt growing up too. I was made to be a mother! Imagine my dismay when I was told in school that it wasn't enough and I had to have career aspirations! Well, they never developed- but my passion for entering marriage and motherhood did and God blessed my desire!

I read a long time ago that previous to the feminism movement there were three assumptions about women- 1. They were not as mentally strong as men.2. They were not as physically able as men.3. Their work was of lesser value than men's work.The article went on to say that feminism denied the first and second beliefs about women, but bought into the third, also degrading women's work (that is, homemaking) and seeking to match men in their own work- which many women can do just fine I am sure- but we are made for a special purpose- we are nurturers. It is so sad that this role is looked down on by most parts of society.

About Me

I am a 29 year old child of God. I'm completely imperfect and yet saved by God's grace. I consider this my little online coffee shop (probably more of a tea shop if it was my taste), where I get to talk with other Christian women and share some of my interests: living debt-free, crafts, cooking, fashion, family, pregnancy, babies, etc. I live in Ohio with my husband and baby. Feel free to contact me anytime at cornerjoyk@gmail.com