Advocate speaks in Strafford of personal cyberbullying tragedy

Thursday

Dec 20, 2012 at 3:15 AM

By Conor Makemcmakem@fosters.com

STRAFFORD — Area students recently received a powerful message about bullying and the irreversible consequences it can have.

“Anti Bullying Day,” which was held at Strafford School, highlighted an increasingly important national issue in an era of computers and smart phones — the cyber bully. The event helped to educate victims, bystanders, parents, bullies and school personnel about the serious psychological impacts of bullying, as well as what can be done about it.

John Halligan, whose 13-year old son Ryan committed suicide in 2003 after years of tormenting at school and online, spoke to students. Halligan gave up a 23-year career at IBM to travel internationally and speak on the subject. He has visited over 750 schools throughout the U.S., Mexico, Latin America, Canada and Columbia.

“I lost count of how many kids have contacted me (after seeing the presentation),” Halligan said.

One of the students who contacted him, according to Halligan, was a suicidal girl who decided not to follow through on her thoughts after learning of Ryan’s Story.

Strafford Guidance Counselor Rick Kaufman noted that the presentation and associated discussions were aimed at older students due to the serious nature of the subject.

“John has made it his mission to tell this story again and again and again, with the hope that kids will come to realize the possible tragic consequences that can occur from cumulative bullying behavior,” Kaufman said. “He presents the story of what happened (to his son) in a way that really draws the kids in …. Even kids who are often goof-offs pay attention.”

For an hour and a half, Halligan presented “Ryan’s Story,” to more than 300 students, including Strafford, Northwood and Nottingham sixth to eighth graders and Coe Brown students as well.

Along with photos and home movies, Halligan told the story of Ryan’s life and the factors that led up to his son’s suicide. Ryan, who received special education when he was younger, eventually began to study on grade level, but he wasn’t as strong academically as most of his classmates. In fifth grade, the bullying started to become a problem. By eighth grade, Ryan had endured years of taunting, both at school and online. The bullying, combined with depression, drove the 13-year old to take his own life.

Halligan’s program, which included a question and answer period for the students, offered solutions to help prevent further teen suicide, including encouragement for bystanders to get involved.

Following the assembly, members of Strafford School’s “Kids Against Bullying” group, as well as visiting students took part in a workshop with Halligan and Kaufman.

“I think at this age, you take your parents’ love for granted,” Halligan told the group. “Don’t ever underestimate the love they have for you, and your brothers and sisters.”

“That was what sent me over the edge of crying,” said Amy Duderewicz, a senior at Coe Brown. “That we were loved.”

Halligan spoke of recent laws that allow school officials to get involved in cases of cyberbullying, that weren’t present when his son committed suicide. Halligan was a driving force behind a 2004 bullying prevention law being passed in Vermont, where his family lived at the time.

“It can happen to anybody,” Kyle Stevens, a Coe Brown junior, said of Ryan Halligan’s bullying and eventual suicide. “It’s weird to think about someone you know, it happening to them.”

Halligan admitted that he and his wife missed signs of their son’s problems.

“We were in denial that he would ever harm himself,” he said. “We’re hoping to help adults to be more informed.”

Halligan noted that cyber bullying is far different from what most adults remember from childhood. With the advent of websites like YouTube, bullying incidents have the potential to be seen for years by millions of people, wreaking unimaginable torment on the victims. The Internet also allows a degree of anonymity, making it easier to bully someone without having to stare that person in the face.

Strafford students in “Kids Against Bullying,” showed Halligan a video they had made called “Bystanders Can Make a Difference.” The short movie recently won second place an the international competition put on by “HeyUgly.” The $100 prize money was used to purchase black “Ryan’s Story Wristbands,” handed out during Bullying Day. Halligan made a link to the video on his website, www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org.

Strafford School hosted Halligan for an evening adult seminar. He outlined ways for parents and school staff to help prevent cases from escalating to the severity his family experienced.

Halligan and Ryan’s Story have been featured on popular shows including: CBS Early Morning Show, CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360, Good Morning America, BBC World Radio, PrimeTime with Diane Sawyer, PBS Frontline, and The Oprah Winfrey Show.

“It has been therapeutic to give (Ryan’s) life more meaning,” Halligan said.