Aries

The ol’ bait and twirl

Let’s be honest Aries, you like to talk a good game about how much better at fidget spinning you are than other people, but you’d rather talk about it than put your money where your mouth is.

9 times outta 10, your big trick is to regale people with stories of your glory while simply spinning the fidget spinner between your index finger and thumb, and maybe spinning it around for dramatic effect.

Taurus

Never taking it out of its plastic so it can be extra valuable some day… maybe

Fidget spinners aren’t really your jam because the only kind of toy you like to play with are men. More power to you, girl.

Still, you’re not a dumbass when it comes to making money, so yeah, you bought a couple dozen fidget spinners at Walgreens. Because one day, when the Gen Y-ers of the world get old and nostalgic for their youth, you figure those fidget spinners will be worth at least double their current value.

But yeah, you kept the receipt just in case you change your mind before the return window’s up. Although TBH, you’ll probably just “accidentally” forget to return them in time so you can complain to all your friends about it.

Gemini

Making it disappear

Geminis live for the drama, so instead of doing regular fidget spinner tricks, they’ll find a way to make that shit disappear, blame it on their roommates or ghosts or some shit, spend the next 15 minutes venting, and before you know it, you’re telling them all about how your sister’s hooking up with your ex and it makes you want to die.

You have to hand it to Geminis, they’re really good at what they do.

Cancer

The 9-fingered death punch

Before you even start, for the hundredth time I DO NOT CARE what the 9-fingered death punch is. I know it’s hard and that I can’t do it because as you so lovingly like to remind me, I suck at everything, while you can fidget spin in your sleep. I get it. Now walk out the door before I throw something at you.

Leo

Balancing the fidget spinner on your ass

Granted, let she among us without sin be the first to condemn another girl for being extra, but Leo bb you’ve got to stop doing this in public.

It was wild the first time, kinda cute the second time, but now people aren’t laughing with you, they’re laughing at you.

Although TBH you’re getting mad followers from it on Instagram, so I don’t know, maybe disregard everything I just said. Which is fine because knowing you, you’ve already forgotten everything I’ve said that wasn’t a compliment.

Virgo

You’d respectfully like to be excluded from the fidget spinner narrative

If something’s trendy af, chances are you’re not there for it.

Either you pretend like you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know wtf people are talking about, or you just think it’s kind of dumb and not worth the time.

So yeah, you don’t know any tricks.

Libra

The change-up

Libra, this trick is perfect for you because you like to change up your personality all the time depending on who you’re talking to! And don’t tell me that I’m just trying to start some shit with you, because you’re the one who’s acting fake af.

Bye.

Scorpios

Balancing it on your nose

Fidget spinners weren’t created to be so close to your eyes, but you’re pretty stubborn, so you can make any trick work, even if it’s low key dangerous.

Also, if one of your friends wants to start shit talking your trick, that’s exactly how your nose is gonna be positioned. Turned up in their general direction.

Sagittarius

The convertible

Sag babe, you’re super into how relatable you can be and it doesn’t get more relatable in 2017 than being the girl who’s standing with her middle finger out. And that’s really all the convertible is. Balancing a fidget spinner on just your middle finger.

Maybe you’re saying fuck you to the patriarchy, maybe you’re saying fuck you to that fuckboy who promised you the moon on a string in return for going down on his thing, or maybe you’re just saying fuck you to carbs because you want them inside you.

Capricorn

The X-tetrad leapfrog

Just like the name of this fidget spinner trick, you can take yourself a little seriously sometimes Capricorn.

Yeah, I guess it looks kind of cool that you can balance the fidget spinner on your index finger, toss it into the air and catch it on your middle finger, but you get really intense when you do it. And when you mess up, you take it out of yourself.

Lighten up a bit. Life’s not that serious, and neither are fidget spinner tricks.

Aquarius

Balancing drinks on it

You’re really good at looking cool and arty, but while I started talking about fidget spinners you already got bored and started doing something else.

Which is why if you were a fidget spinner trick, you’d just put one on the table, let it spin, stick something on top of it and then walk away.

Pisces

The single tap

You really like to dazzle the crowd but sometimes you’re a little all over the place, so this trick is perfect for you.

After fidget spinning on your middle finger, toss that bad boy up into the air, catch it on the back side of your hand while it’s still spinning, and then toss it back and catch it on your index or middle finger.

Just don’t gloat when it works or get emo when it doesn’t.

About The Author: Maria Pasquini

Maria Pasquini writes about celebrities and makes a lot of jokes. Hopefully you find some of them funny. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

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