The Politically Correct Yinglish Dictionary

Ever wonder the politically correct way to say “kvetch?” Well it’s “Contentment-Challenged.”

Irving was not selectively separated for his alternative body image, but because of his ethical disorientation!” Got it? No? OK. “Irving was not fired for being fat but because he’s a liar!” The great PC news was the extinction of negative racial and religious pejoratives. The bad news? When we stretch the language more than Spandex – and come up with worse, yet. Is “little person” really more PC that “midget?” “Least Best” clearer that “Worst?” Or “metabolically different” superior to “dead?”

Face it! Yiddish and Yinglish, despite all its majesty, isn’t what I’d call “subtle.” Especially when describing “persons of flaw.” Most of us heard it from our mothers, fathers, and grandparents. Listen:

“That moron’s a shmeggege, his wife’s the biggest yenta in town, and their son is King of the Yutz’s.”

In under 20 words, my Bubbe Bella could annihilate not only people, but whole countries, all through the magic of Yiddish.

So, in the spirit of keeping Mama-loshen “Timelessly Relevant,” “Shared-Capable, and “A Linguistic Survivor,” I give you the POLITICALLY CORRECT YINGLISH DICTIONARY.

I hope you find it a Knowledge-Based Mitzvah!

THE POLITICALLY CORRECT YINGLISH DICTIONARY

Baleboosteh:

One terrific housewife! Not a speck of dirt!

P.C. YINGLISH:

A Shmutz-Oppressor

USAGE:

“She’s some fantastic shmutz-oppressor! You could operate on her kitchen floor.”

Boychik:

A small male child.

P.C. YINGLISH:

Childchik (gender-free)

USAGE:

“Someday, little Hymie will grow from a childchick to a humanchik.”

Bupkes:

Nothing! Nada! A big zero!

P.C. YINGLISH

Negatively -Valued

USAGE:

“When he started playing the horses, they went from rich to negatively-valued!”

Bulvan:

A crude, rude ox!

PC YINGLISH:

Boorishly-Oriented

USAGE:

“My boorishly-oriented brother-in-law ripped off the “fridge” door to swig the milk.”

Chaim Yankel:

A mister nobody.

PC YINGLISH:

Differently-Interesting

USAGE:

“Exciting he’s not, but the way he blends in perfectly with the beige wallpaper makes him differently-interesting.”

Chaleria:

A tantrum thrower.

PC YINGLISH:

A Person With Difficult-to-Meet-Needs

USAGE:

“Not only does she have difficult-to-meet-needs, the last time she claimed her pastrami was fatty, it became a small police matter.”

Chazzer:

A pig. (Or a person who acts like one.)

PC YINGLISH:

Parasitically-Gifted

USAGE:

“He’s so parasitically-gifted he’ll take home your leftovers.

Chutzpah:

Gall.

P.C. YINGLISH:

Brazen-Enhancement

USAGE:

“That witch has so much brazen-enhancement, she brought her own chicken for Shabbos because, she told me, ‘yours is so raw, it’s still clucking!’”

Dreykop:

A swindler.

PC YINGLISH:

Emmes-Impaired

USAGE:

“Don’t buy real estate – or a used car from that emmes-impaired thief!”

Farmisht:

Confused; befuddled.

P.C. YINGLISH:

Directionally-Disoriented

USAGE:

“For Hannuka, you gave a person who is directionally-disoriented an archery set?! Are you meshugge? (See below.)

Gantseh Macher:

He thinks he’s a big shot.

PC YINGLISH:

A Non-empowered -Elitist

USAGE:

“He directed Fiddler for his shul, so suddenly this non-empowered-elitist think he’s Spielberg.”

Klutz:

Clumsy.

P.C. YINGLISH:

Spatially-Disadvantaged

USAGE:

“He’s so spatially-disadvantaged, he trips over sneakers–he’s wearing!”

“In his alternative-reality, he could be an Isaac Mizrahi, if only he could sew – and had taste.”

Mensch:

A person of substance!

P.C. YINGLISH:

Wensch (gender-free)

USAGE:

“Those Weinbergs are true Wenshes. I accidentally found out they donated a fortune anonymously to the shul building fund.

Meshugener:

Crazy. Nuts. Brays at the moon – or anything.

P.C. YINGLISH:

Creatively -Logical

USAGE:

“Who but Lulu would be creatively-logical enough to wear her underwear outside her dress?”

Mieskeit:

Ugly.

P.C. YINGLISH:

Uniquely-Attractive

USAGE:

“She has a wonderful ... personality – even if she’s uniquely-attractive.”

Nudnik:

A pest. A pain in the neck

P.C. YINGLISH:

Accomplished-Annoyer

USAGE:

“He’s such an accomplished-annoyer, he should hand out complimentary earplugs!”

Nuchshlepper:

A hanger-on.

P.C. YINGLISH:

Agreeably-Socially-Exploited

USAGE:

“OK, alright! Millie can come along. She’s so agreeably-social-exploited, she’ll pay for the gas and shlep the camping gear!”

Shikker:

A boozer.

P.C. YINGLISH:

Chemically-Compromised

USAGE:

“He could’ve held that sales job – if his boss hadn’t found him chemically-compromised over the cash register–every day.”

Shlimazel:

A luckless loser.

P.C. YINGLISH:

Mazel-Deprived

USAGE:

“Talk about mazel-deprived! He could’ve aced that job interview – if that sudden lightning storm hadn’t temporarily short-circuited his memory, causing him to forget his name ... and where he was going.”

(NOTE: Not only is he mazel-deprived, he spreads it to others, wrongly referred to as “shlemiels.” See below.)

Shlump:

A sloppy, unkempt person.

P.C. YINGLISH:

Shmatte-Appeal

USAGE:

“Hetty has raised her shmatte-appeal to create a new fashion movement: ‘Super-Shlok.’”

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Quirky, no-nonsense, funny, Marnie – writer, editor, author, lecturer, clinician, and administrator -- is a straight-shooter, who has a distinctive voice and takes on the world in her columns, features, and books. Her advice column was syndicated through Tribune Media Services, and it currently appears in Singular magazine as Singular Solutions. Marnie has written over 20 books/calendars, including the series “A Little Joy, A Little Oy." Her books include Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother and A Little Joy, A Little Oy (pub. AndrewsMcMeel). She is also an award-winning “calendar queen” having written over 20. She has been nominated for both an Emmy and Writers Guild award.Thefullwiki.org has listed Marnie Macauley on their list of top Jewish_American writers, dead or living. (She’s still deciding which.) She was also chosen as a Distinguished Woman in Las Vegas in March of 2014.

This is soooooooooo hysterically clever!!! Marnie, you hit the mark again!!!
I was laughing so hard I became "Vertically challenged!" (I plotzed!)
With articles like this, Jewlarious just keeps getting better and better!
Mary and family

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
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