Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Let me tell you this. You will get surprised. Or infact, you knew it and you wanted to surprised me?

While working today, we spoke about Uncle Rama's death. I cry again while having lunch. I just couldn't accept the fact that he have gone and I misses him so badly. Not only that. I cry today, this morning while driving to work. My mind and heart just missed him. I think alot about him for couple of days. I cry for the past few days continuously too.

I remember he bought me a very nice handmade key chain from Sarawak as a souvenir when we all actually have the company trip to Taiwan and I didn't even bought him anything. I feel so bad right now. I kept scolding the rest for being selfish, and I think I am one of them. But Uncle Rama would always remember us no matter where he travels. I feel really bad.

Really really bad.

Really bad that I did not buy him anything on his birthday. That I did not think about buying him anything when I went to company trip twice.

Now... I am part of the Junks, Trash that I mention earlier in my blog.

...

I had to stop. Tears coming down again T______T

And while Penny told me that she was actually quite shocked that his son used Uncle Rama to text her the location of the Nirvana, she told me she immediately cried. I told her I understand the feeling as Justin's family also did used Justin's phone number to text me that he was dead.

While that moment, Mave joined the conversation by saying " I dunno if the Justin you were saying is the same Justin as well".

I looked at him and said "Justin Tham?"

He said, yes. The one that study at Cosmopoint. I said again "Tham Chee Kwan?"

And he said he was not sure about his full name, but is Justin Tham and they used to be best friend in a gang while collage time.

He asked me whether do I had his picture, but I said I dont have it as before he passed away, Friendster was the best thing to play and Facebook is just coming out. But now, Friendster already not existed but replaced with something else. So all the pictures and information was deleted just like that.

Penny then asked, do you guys take pictures or something? Then I told her that moment we don't have Iphone or any nice camera phone. And we never think of taking pictures together. We spend times together.

Mave also told me that he was uncertain if Justin Tham was the same person that I always mention until he remembers he had a friend and he heard news that he was actually involved in an accident at Genting and passed away. Friends trying to relocate him but failed. His house was not at Sentul anymore.

He also mention, that moment Cosmopoint was not doing really good and everyone have been shifted to Go-Academy to study. But due to Justin's financial, he remained at Cosmopoint. He even told Mave to accompany him to finish the course, but Mave decided to move on and went to Lim Kok Wing.

Then I told Mave that it must be him. I told him his surname is quite unique and I dont have friends that have the surname except for Benny Tham (my IRC fren, which I lost contact as well). And I told Mave everything about Justin.

I even cried today while working when talked about Justin. I cried when I plead for Justin to come into my dreams for once, but he gave me 2 memorable dreams I could never ask for.

Mave and friends doesnt know that if Justin had really leave this world. They say they heard news, but couldn't confirm until today they did not know whether is Justin still alive or not. He even mention that Justin did call Mave to go out for a drink, but Mave was busy and said next time. And now, there's no more next time as he have left all of us.

I am happy and surprised that all the while, Mave was actually part of your best buddy. You might have bring something close to you to me so I can feel relief as I always wondering, why is there not many of your friend turns up for your funeral and is CNY really that badluck to attend?

However, I wish you are still up in the heaven and look after your family and have the soul to stay next to me and protect me.

Monday, April 28, 2014

I started to know you when I joined this company in year 2010. (I would not want to mention the company's name due to my blog would be read by everyone in this world. But I would blog out how I feel for your company).

I get to know this person, an indian guy. Oh..wait, is an indian uncle. His face was very humble, charming, though he looks quite old but he wants to work to support his family. He was part of the best driver to my Ex-Boss. He can really wait my boss patiently from morning till morning. Meaning, let's take an example, from 10am till the next day 4am. And he will drive his motorbike back to home at Shah Alam.

Imagine. A very elderly guy to work just to get an extra income for his family. I should be proud of him. NO! We all should be proud of him.

I even told him is time for him to try to resign and relax at home. But he told me "Why I need to relax at home without any income where else I'm happy to be here and had income? If I were to be at home, I had nothing to do and is boring" Oh well, make sense.

I even told him to be very careful at road especially night time when fetching my boss back to his house after and he goes back home. Sometimes, I do worried about his driving. But he said he still manage to take care himself.

He's really nice. Though I did not always spend time with him (due to I'm very much workaholic to my job), but I will have some time make time to chit chat and make some jokes and fun with him when I gets to the pantry. He even bought some food to the close staff as well. And due to I always work, I don't quite like spending time at the pantry, talking and gossiping and eating karipuff that the indian uncle bought. He sometimes also invited me to join the tea-time session, but I always say "later" and I did not went but continue to do work.

I remember, once I bought Brand's Essence of Chicken to office. When I saw him coming late to the office, I gave the Brands to him. He rejected saying I need it more than him. I say "No. You need it as you always driving up and down so late and is tiring". Eventually, he insisted me to drink it all up. So I drank all up. He put a smile on his face.

And I had a celebration on my birthday at the company for my 1st year. After the celebration was over, Uncle called me to come down with him and waited for him. So I waited. Then he went to the car and gave me a present. I was so touched. I said why he wanted to waste money and buy me a present? He smiled and say I buy la.. give to you one. I was speechless and accepted his present. I never know he would spend on me on something. I'm grateful to him as it is from his heart. I don't think every driver would do that. I hugged him.

I told him he is my lover, my dad. He laughed.

And ever since, I always gets to talks to him and said that I would jealous if he gets really near to any girls. We chuckle..laughed. aiya~

So I left one day. Can see the sadness in his eyes. And I told him we can still keep in touch.

And yes, we did keep in touch.

Every year, without fail he would wish me Happy New Year, Gong Xi Fatt Chai to me and family. I even did the same thing to him by wishing him Deepavali, Happy New Year and his Birthday. Got once, he come and cari us makan. He was sweating as he was riding his bike under the hot sun. But sincerely, he got the heart to visit us too.

I remember he was once admitted to the hospital and I came and look for him. I mean, I visited him with Ken and bought him foods. He scolded say why waste money. I told him is not that expensive and he need food to get healthy.

Then, he went for his both eyes operation for cataract. After a while, me and Penny visited him at home. He said he is alright and thanks for coming. I can see he wanted to get a very good eye sight so he can see everything clearly.

And now, Penny told me he would go for his heart operation. I asked what's wrong about his heart and she explained everything. So I told Penny I will call him one day before his operation. But as usual. I was working. And I selfish-ness forget all about it.

Until the day before his operation, he texted me a message saying "Esok Operation".

I stoned when received the message. I drop down my work, rushed outside and called him. Chatted with him, asking him don't panic. Everything would be fine. He said he knows la. He even told me that he went thru all the test and he is eligible for the operation. Even his blood test looks good. I told him I would pray that night for everything smooth and he then told me he no longer working at the company. I was shocked. I asked why? He said boss have tried 3 times to ask him stays at home. And this time is the 3rd time. So he told me he have to listern and cannot fight back. He even mention as least boss did give him some money. That was great news. And I asked him, so after operation, what would he do or just rest at home? He said he would rest at home for a period after the operation and will try to be a taxi driver. I scolded him. I said, you can't drive Fast & Furious u know? Taxi is proton and is not Jaguar! And KL road is not safe. They tend to rob you, or hurt u. Very dangerous...and I still keep on nagging him. On the other side of the phone, he kept saying don't worry.

Before I hang up the phone, I told him that I would like to call him again before his operation starts at 11am. He said "Don't need la". I kept telling him that I worried and he might be good if he listern to my voice before he admitted. We chuckled.

So I prayed that night. Hoping and wishing he would be fine.

The next morning, I texted him before he enters to the operation room. He managed to reply me and I felt relief. Means that he read my msg. :)

After few days his operation, Penny told me that we could actually visit Uncle and he's finally awake and the operation goes really good. So we went to buy grapes and oats and visit him on wednesday.

When we reached. We saw him seating at the seat. Taking his head up and watching the TV above him. From afar, he looks good. The sooner we walk nearer to him, I saw his body with alot of stitches. It must be unbearable pains he might have gone through. But he said it was slight pain and he can eat, talk, laugh. The nurses also did monitoring his condition which I felt relief. Oh. He was in the ICU of cause. He told us how the progress been going, and he said he is fine.

So we left as there's limitation time of visiting the patient. I am happy that he was actually alive, and he can really talks and be himself back. Me and Penny also planned to try and visit him again after few days later.

And...

On saturday night, Penny called me.

She was crying really bad over the phone. I kept asking why is she crying? What's wrong? But all I heard was a cry. And she said "Uncle Rama just passed away" and continue to cry.

I got a shock. I say, What? What did you said? Did you say Uncle Rama passed away just now?

Crying continue on the other side.

I said, it can't be. We visited him on Wednesday. He looks good after the operation. No..it can't be. Why????

And she continue to cry and say everything.

I stoned.

I continue to ask questions. Until a part where suddenly I cried out loud. I just couldn't bear the pain that he suffered. I can freshly imagine that he was alive that time. He is who he is. He is Uncle Rama. He is the Uncle that cares for everyone. He is the one who bought the delicious breakfast of nasi lemak to certain staff and they all loves it. I don't know how it taste, but I can see he willing to help to buy nasi lemak for them who wants and of cause, they would pay him back and sometimes he doesnt even want to accept the money. He even bought kuih muih, back office for tea-time after fetching my boss from client's side and invited people to come and join the tea.

He is the 1st person we think of when we were at another building and couldn't even cross the road back to our office after lunch hour is over due to raining cats and dogs. And Penny decided to called Uncle Rama to come and pick us up. He came. We were thankful. Else all of us will be superb basah and get scold if we reach office late and might get warning letter from the HR department.

And I cried badly.

I definitely saw that he was okay. He can talk... How could a person just go a snap just like that? It doesn't make sense. It really doesn't make sense at all. If it was when he was under the operation and he just left, I might cry and understand the situation. But that was not.

The story was that the transformation from ICU to a Normal Wad, and his heart was getting weaker, and the doctor was trying their best to maintain back his pulse to normal and eventually failed. (Damn, seriously right now I hate the doctors. Why the hell they wanted to transfer him to a Normal Fucking Wad??)

Penny and Michelle then told me that the ceremony would be held on Sunday; 27 May 2014 from 2pm - 4pm at Shah Alam. I was feeling sad as I promised Furry Friends Farm that I would be their volunteer on their event of Splish Splash Water Base that helds on Sunday 27 May 2014 from 9am till 4pm. I knew I couldn't make it. And I told myself that I would go to pay my last respect to him on coming weekends.

I told Penny to go and please represent on behalf of me. She went and all she saw the 1st to arrived is Uncle Muru. Uncle Muru is the driver for the HOD for Architecture. Uncle Rama used to protect him and stand for Uncle Muru. I can feel how Uncle Muru must be feeling really sad and Penny told me he cries too.

Then, Mark, Tracey, Devan, Michael, and another staff from architecture department arrived. I got a shock why just this? Where the hell is all the rest of the staff? Where is Kim May, Ayden, Gavin? Kim May is the Personal Assistant of Mark. Ayden and Gavin usually talks with Uncle Rama the most. So where are there? Harris even posted at Facebook and tagged Ivan, Fendi, Jac, etc and telling them that Uncle Rama has passed away and the ceremony would be held on Sunday. All they said in the comment was "Rest In Peace", "Deep Condolence" and that's it. How would you feel if you were in his shoe and no one would come to see you?

Is a sudden Sunday from just 2PM- 4PM is very hard for everyone to pay the last respect? IS IT SO GOD DAMN HARD JUST TO TRAVEL FROM A PLACE TO SHAH ALAM?IS THAT FUCKING SO HARD?

GOD DAMN U ALL WHO KNOWS THE NEWS BUT DID NOT WANT TO TURN YOUR FUCKING SELF UP.

I am very dissapointed of who you are. Yes, got friend did message me saying why am I being so harsh and if she weren't reading Mark's message at FB, she is part of the person I would also hate.

I told her, is not like that. I don't hate those people who do not know as quite many of them seriously do not know Uncle Rama went to hospital for his operation on his heart. And I also understand that Shuli was in BKK and Michelle was at Johor and Genki at Ipoh and Me, Kelly and Salmon was volunteering for Furry Friends Farm. But the company is big. Is everyone away and balik kampung too? Is it even not a person that stays at KL and PJ that moment?

Or is it you have marathon to run? Or is it your friend came to Malaysia after so many years he/she have been to overseas? Or is it you have a date with your love one? Or is : WHAT?

What other lamer reason you could give me that you don't feel like attending? Get sick after going for a funeral? Or you a scared baby? Or WHAT?

I don't get it. I seriously don't get it. Uncle Rama have treated you all like his own brothers and sisters, daughters and sons. This is what he gets on re-pay. All of you seriously are junks and trash. Full of craps and rubbish. I am very dissapointed of who you are, who knew his last day was on Sunday.

Yes. I posted at FB mentioning the company name. If Mark or Tracey or who ever from the company is reading MY BLOG here, you might be getting mad at me. But I am getting even mad at you as you are a failure that your STAFF DID NOT PAY A SIMPLE RESPECT FOR AN ELDERLY PERSON.

You should be shame of yourself. Seriously.

Uncle Rama plays part of the important role to the company. And all his gain was NOTHING. ZERO.

However, my friends that posted up comments telling me that human is somehow cruel that we cant even know. Yes. And now I know. I can't judge them or force them too. I wrote quite harsh over Facebook yesterday evening. And I'm happy some says "Do call me if you were to visit Uncle Rama and I wish to pay for my last respect". I do not force you to go. But I am happy that you would want to go with me.

Dear Uncle Rama,

You play the best role, even you are a driver. You fed everyone of us well. You even treat your family well. You complain when you are not happy, so do we to you. I am happy that I got to know you even we knew each other for like almost 4 years now. I am happy that you message me sometimes and do ring me sometimes which means alot to me that you somehow remembers me even I'm busy to give you a ring. I am really proud that I can be your part-time lover. Be your nagging mate. Be your close friend. But you left all of us suddenly and is very hard for us to accept it. You might be scolding me above saying "haiya, why u wan to scold other people one Facebook? Tak payah marah marah. Sendiri yang susah". But I felt it is really unpolite to you.

So here, I would try to re-locate the closes friends with you and will go see and pay the respect to you. I am so going to cry on spot.

Lord, help me to take care of Uncle Rama. He have try so many times admitted to hospital so his life would be better and I do not know God, somehow needed him more than all of us in this world.

God, I hope and wish he is happy now. I would remember him always the way I remember Justin. I wish Justin is still there waiting for me and helping me to take care of Uncle Rama too. I bought Justin alot of stuff, so he can also share with you.

May you live happily above and look after your family too. I miss you and I love you Uncle Rama.

Will never be forgotten,Xter

Look, he is part of our best friend in the company. So ask yourself, where are you and why you are not attending to his funeral?

I will definitely miss you alot...and well... here I cry again T______T

Saturday, April 12, 2014

I finally had my Dreamcatcher now! I had 3 actually. But I manage to capture one. Will capture the other 2 more when I had the time.

Dreamcatcher is a believe that it traps your bad dreams and giving you a sweet good dreams by coming it from the center of the hole. All bad dreams were to be trapped at the sides of it. It was firstly created by the Native American, Pan-Indian.

Moreover, the shapes are like a spiderwebs :)

I ordered this via online from a Facebook. You can try seeing it from this link. Price is all written at their website. Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/DreamCatchersAccessories?fref=tsWebsite : http://dreamcatchersstore.blogspot.com/

Is pretty worth the price, and I must say is quite cheap as it's handmade. I think the person who made this doesnt think about the price, but to make it for everyone's happy. I bought this at RM21 (including pos laju to house as well).

I guarantee the outcome is as good as what you can see from their Facebook / Website.

Though have no windows in my room, I hung it next to my bed-frame.

Oh...and I love to share it to my baby mongrel too when he's sleeping. Wishing Fat-Fat had a good dream as well :)

Friday, April 4, 2014

I would just go to the straight point rather than doing a defination of; such as What is Romance Feeling or Anger Feeling or Suspicious Feelings?

I wish I could have more time to blog about feelings, but well, I think is just a waste of time as everyone would know the general concept behind it.

Well, I just lost a girl-friend when I finished my high school. And I told myself, losing one friend does not mean I looses all. But if yes, I would not mind it as I will tell myself that those friends are not worth mixing with. (Well, unless they are pretty good friends and I keep on loosing them one-by-one and eventually I loosed the best one, and I will know that is all my fault for not care my friends enough)

Years passed and I moved on forgetting all about her...

Until I met back one of my high school mate, a guy. And we used to chat at the group chat and hang out for a drink. But in the end, that doesn't last long either. I no longer friends with him as that moment he speak such a rude words towards my friend and I was asking him to get himself back to reality and he should apologize to my friend after picking himself pieces by pieces of what he have just done. He ignored and think he was talking all the right things, but seriously he's not. Until his friend called me and apologize behalf of him to me but I told his friend that it wasn't his fault and he shouldn't apologize behalf of his friend. In the end, I deleted him from my Facebook as he totally doesnt even speak a word with me after. So why should I keep him then if he wants to hate me that much?

So, I lost two friends now. But it doesn't matter to me.

Finally, I had this one :-

Last few days I was having a very big headache. I just couldn't sleep as my head ache alot. Really alot. But I forced myself to work as there's many things to rush. So I went to work the next day.

And to gain some ideas, I logged in to the client's Facebook page and I started to say "Whoah... what happen to this logo and why is god damn ugly? who the hell did it?"

I know my words are awful, but that was the usual me to speaks up like that as it looks REALLY UGLY. I don't quite like to lie to myself unless I knows who did it and I will definately just keep quite.

In the end, I knows who did that and to my surprise he was so hurt of what I have said and doesn't even talks to me after and he somesort of throw tantrums to another person which I think he did was not right.

So in the end, I messages him by telling I am sorry of what I have said earlier and hoping he doesn't throw tantrums or accusing or mad to the other person.

And well before sending to him, I have three options in my mind.

Is either :
1. He will not reply my message because he asleep
2. He will not reply my message and he is really busy in working
3. He doesnt bother to reply my message even after reading it.

So I sent.

An hour passed. Another hour passed, and it's gonna be 2am (which means few hours passed), there's no reply. So I started to think positive as he might have just falls sleeping. But, the other person told me he was in Facebook - online-ing.

Ok, FUCK IT.

Well, I appologize and this is still what I get in return? Duh.

Somehow, since he's play such an important role to the person I knew, I try to tolerate with him and went to Morning Market to buy roasted pork as is part of what he likes to eat usually. So when I reached office, I ate some (Well, I bought the roasted pork for like RM15) and left some for him when he gets to the office.

So, he walked in. Sat down. Put aside my Roasted Pork and do his work like he's really really really busy. And before I went to lunch, I told him that thing was Roasted Pork and asked him to eat it. But he told me "I am full and had my lunch outside"

Oh well, I told him, he can have it as I have more of it this morning.

So evening came, and he take the pack and put at the pantry. I saw it and well, I just finished it all myself.

Conclusion is, I have try making my move and he doesn't even accept because of the crap thing I mention. I even told him that might not what he wants to do but the client wanted him to do it and I know he have to do it as client pays him. So why does he have to be so mad at what I have said?

Did he realised that he actually hurt me before not once, not twice but quite some times as well due to when I asked his opinion on the design wise, he just smack it up. So in the end I choose not to ask him anything as his sense of seeing the design and my sense of seeing the design was not the same. He should realise if the words he used on other people is really hurtful, then he should take others comment from other people whether is positive or negative.

I wondered if client rejected all his works, so does he fucking hate that client alot?

I just don't get it. Even when we were friends before and he talks alot like he's the NO.1 and no one will achieve what he having now. But sometimes I tolerate with him if it makes sense and I don't agree with him if it's sounds kinda bullshit.

Well, if he wants to act like a child or a baby that needs protection from someone, just go ahead. I don't need to care about your feelings at all and on the very first place, I don't even need to apologize to you either as what I said is what I really thinks of. If you couldn't accept it, then why the heck are you in this LINE for?

Think about it. If someone truly hurt your feelings, they are EVIL.

But if someone wanted to let you know how they feels about it, and you can't accept it, you're not an ANGEL but you are STUBBORN.

Friday, January 31, 2014

If you were to type the letterings of "Gong Xi Fa Cai" at "wechat" you will gonna have a special effect of all money ONG to your way :)

And partly, would like to take opportunity that the company I'm working at ; sQuid creative advertising would wish everyone healthy, wealthy, ONG mali here and there and foremost, stay YOUNG yo!

And so today, this is the 3rd year that I came to Ken's family and I have received an Ang Pow from Ken's Brother. 1st time wei~ Yihehehehe~ Yah!

Not only that, Labu (the labbit) and wombat loves the ang pow too ^^ (Well, look at Wombat, he sniffing as he 1st time see the new things)

And so... Ken played the firecrackers early morning. Kubi (the dog) was let loose and running around that moment. And when he was tied up, Labu and Kubi met each other for the 1st time and greeted "Gong Xi Fatt Tai Cai"

Monday, January 6, 2014

This is consider the 1st time I was in the pool (don't mention when I was still a small kid-lah).

Activity of every Friday I was the one planned.

Our activities starts from 6.30pm - 7.30pm (or if you want to stay longer, you may go ahead) every Friday.

Whoever wanted to join me, JOM-LA :)

This was happened last 2weeks on Thursday (Due to some-other reason so we shifted a day earlier)

Before I start, the "Pelampung" (I forgot what is the english name for it. >.< GOSH~) was actually belongs to Penny as it was a christmas gift we have exchanged last year. But since she knows how to swim and I can't, I just use it for FUN - In the sick of WANTED TO PLAY INSIDE THE POOL SO BADLY >.<

At the beginning, in my mind I was thinking NOT TO GET WET (even though I have bought extra clothes). But never know, the moment I just started to seat and lay down, all the water rushing down my pelampung.

So FUCK IT, I just play and start many stupid and silly positions!

Penny also did taught me how to move my pelampung forward and backwards or sideways. I'm still learning. Oh BTW, I don't know how to swim :P

So here, I starting to move my pelampung...

Damned. I look like a mayat floating~

And Wayne played his pelampung.

FYI, He knows how to swim. So don't look down on that guy!

This is the funny position!

and I dont know what the hell I was doing over there.

Wait...actually I was trying to get down from my pelampung. So I need to get hold on something to balance myself to get down.

And so, I walk towards to Wayne for the exchange pelampung color.

Telling him that he looks sexy if he's using the pink instead of the green one.