A Debate Between The PCH Prize Patrol & Santa

As Christmas approaches I always remember a long-form TV commercial idea that some advertising colleagues cooked up for PCH but which never got produced. It parodied the debates seen on “crossfire” talk shows and featured me – as head of the Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol arguing with Santa Claus as to who has the better job. The debate was to go something like this:

Moderator: In this chair we have Dave Sayer of the PCH Prize Patrol. And in this chair we have someone who needs absolutely no introduction: Santa Claus himself. Hello to both of you and welcome to this special holiday edition of “PCH Bloggers Want to Know.” Obviously, you both make the homes you visit happier places. But are their “downsides” to the job? Let me start with you, Santa.

Santa: Well, yes, there are months of hard work in advance of Christmas Eve – in the frigid North Pole! I have to read millions of pieces of mail with long lists of goodies that people want.

Dave: Actually Santa, we have something in common there. Millions of people want to win our sweepstakes, and the processing of all the entries is a big job – but worth it considering the joy that is evident in the “winning moments” you see on TV. Just imagine winning $5,000 A Week “Forever”! That’s $5,000.00 a week for life AND after that, payments would continue on to a special someone the “Forever” winner chooses for their life!

Santa: Yes, I’ve seen those winner reactions on TV. Alas, I’m gone by Christmas morning when the gifts are opened, so I don’t see the reactions in person. Darn it! In some ways I’d rather have your job, Dave. You get to ride in a temperature-controlled Prize Patrol van rather than in an airborne, winter-chilled, open sleigh. And you make your entrance through a welcoming front door rather than through a cold, sooty chimney. Let’s face it: a chimney just doesn’t work for roses, balloons and a Big Check!

Dave: You’re right, Santa. But it’s rare that our winner is a child squealing with delight. Sometimes I’d prefer that to those winners who collapse into my arms, even though that might make an entertaining “winning moment” on TV.

Santa: But Dave, you get to share Prize Patrol champagne with the lucky winners. More often I get cookies and cocoa that’s been cooling for hours. And you don’t have to get all your deliveries done in one night!