Dammit Blues you cannot have the easy Jita route

Red vs Blue is limited to four main combat constellations and as a direct results, Blue get a wtf-easy route to Jita and back, as seen by my craptastic diagram here.

As you can see, Blues had a much shorter and less hostile route than we Reds. We couldn’t have that, so myself and a few other RvBers decided to camp the Alikara gate in Vellaine on Sunday, using insta-locking arty thrashers and interceptors to catch anything coming back from Jita, or anything that stayed on gate long enough to alpha. It was excellent fun relaxing on a gate chatting on comms while admiring the main two RvB fleets lock horns and admiring some… questionable… fits of a few new guys, who were of the “more ISK than sense” variety.

The camp started off well with a Blue Omen jumping in and dying horribly. Not much else jumped in but a Blue fleet quickly landed on gate with us, so we jumped out to the NON COMBAT SYSTEM of Alikara, which Blues proceeded to ignore and blew my arse sky high. Fortunately, they realised their mistake and repaid me for the ship. This lead to the new verb “to be TGL’d” which now means to be blown up outside the combat zones. Nothing else happened, so we logged for the night and restablished the camp the next morning.

We then did a bad thing. A very bad thing, and for this I will need to jump back 24 hours.

For some reason, and I won’t be politically correct here, we’ve had some dumbasses joining Red. I mean the “lose a nightmare to a dramiel because the nightmare had 100mn plates on a 2011 character” dumb.

The night before one of these pilots, John somethingorother, undocked a Raven while Reds were attempting a BS push from their undock (which failed) and was pretty much alpha’d because he broke the invul timer.

Dat fit.

He proceeded to rage in local about “shooting an unarmed ship” and so on, so we decided a slight lesson had to be in order, since he didn’t shut up when asked.

He posted a terrible Abaddon fit in corp the next morning, and for the first time actually altered it based off advice, making it less terrible but still not great. So the few of us on camp were surprised to hear he was out ratting in Hageken (Red HQ system) in a fucking Abaddon.

Quickly we hatched a plan. One might call us harsh, but enough was enough and people in RvB learn by experience, so we gave him experience. We called in the Blues. And ran over to Hag to whore on the mail.

Re-establishing the camp, we alpha’d a Cheetah which landed on gate before it could jump, took down a Rupture which jumped in, followed by a Caracal, which decimated half the camp doing so, due to some excellent flying on the pilots part.

At this point the Blues were pretty wise to our camp, and jumped in a large fleet to force us off. They just made two mistakes; the first that the Alikara gate, which we were camping, was 118 AU from the other 3 gates in system, so we had plenty of time to GTFO. The second was not sticking around once we’d left, so no more than 2 minutes later we were back camping.

Sadly, the only other ship to jump in was a Sigil, and that was warp core stabbed so we didn’t managed to nab it.

Yesterday rolled around and it wasn’t long before Blues tried forcing us off. At this point our camp consisted of 3 cruisers, 3 dessies and an interceptor. So imagine our surprise when a goddam Loki decloaked, and a Drake and Maller landed off gate.

Imagine our surprise when we won.

Our claw hero tackled the loki long enough for the MWD Rupture to burn out and secure a solid tackle. As it was doing so, a Blue Incursus landed on the gate, right in the 2 thrashers optimal. We established point on the other two ships and the Maller melted first due to its Gank fit. Back up from Reds had been called for but they were too late as the loki exploded before our eyes, and only a few of the main Red fleet whored on the Drake as it slowly melted. All we lost was the Rupture and the Claw.

Ohmygodwhatjusthappened.

We split the ISK from the faction loot drop between the fleet and recommenced the camp. A Malediction interceptor landed on gate and tried to burn away, but got alpha’d doing so. This was followed by an Executioner which was caught as it jumped into us, which was then followed by an autopiloting shuttle.

We were having a field day.

A kestrel followed, as did a Rifter, but then along came a Stabber Fleet Issue. We thought “fuck it why not” and engaged, only to be handily obliterated due to having no actual “prolonged engagement” type ships.

We reformed 15 minutes later and nabbed us a Slasher, followed by another autopiloting shuttle and finally Yank’s Rifter. Then shit went down. Again.

Up until the Stabber fight, we had Mangala staying as eyes in Alikara. After that fight, he was staying with us. So imagine our surprise when, upon engaging a Blue Jaguar that landed, 4 Caracals, and about 9 frigates jumped in.

Most of us got away, but we gave the Blues kudos for genuinely getting the drop on us. Sadly, they tried it again half an hour later but this time we had eyes in Alikara. *sigh*

No more kills visited us that night, but we were honored to have SSJudge return and attempt to execute his kill rights (we ganked his Gila in low a couple weeks back) on some Reds on HQ in his Ishtar. Except, you know, he CONCORDED himself.

Once a fail pirate, always a fail pirate.

That’s it for now, but I’ll leave you with this as an example of what I have to work with sometimes.

I REMEMBER THAT GUY! I tried to recruitment scam him because he seemed like such a retard. He had NOTHING at the time, apparently he kept buying PLEX after that. God damn, I’m glad we didn’t actually accept him.