There are a lot of different movie genres in the world, but there is one thing that they all have in common: the potential for a scarring and horribly awkward viewing experience. This doesn't mean that the movie isn't good or that you should avoid it. It simply means be careful who you choose to watch it with.
C'mon, guys, parents are rarely the best theater buddies. If you grew up with protective and conservative parents, you'll know more than anyone that anything "R" rated for anything other than "violence" is not going to go well. Don't sit through movies trying to avert your eyes or constantly cringing and explaining when you don't have to. Here are some definite movies to avoid, but if you choose not to: good luck. You have been warned!
1. American Pie
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Anything with the "p word" is automatically on this list.
2. Bridesmaids
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This scene happens right when you think the movie's awkwardness has ended.
3. Magic Mike
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Because you'll probably be way more into it than your dad...
4. Fifty Shades of Grey
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This is the most recent offender. Even if your mom has read the book... don't do it!
5. American Beauty
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The whole dad in lust with the daughter's friend thing is not family friendly.
6. Zack and Miri Make a Porno
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It's all in the title.
7. Wolf of Wall Street
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This movie is laced with as many sex scenes as there are normal ones.
8. Black Swan
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Surprise sex scenes with the 'rents are the worst. Just when you think you picked a safe one...
9. The 40 Year Old Virgin
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Again, you had fair warning with the title.
10. Borat
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An over-the-top comedy like this is sure to have constant moments of discomfort.
11. Her
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This one is less for the scenes, more for all the questions they'll ask you about it.
12. Ted
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This is by far the crudest movie we've ever seen a teddy bear in.
13. Gone Girl
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Again, a movie this twisted is sure to be met with disgust and questions we don't want to subject you to.

U.S. Dramatic/U.S. Dramatic/Premieres
Every year, film enthusiast from across the land journey to the hinterlands of Utah to partake in the Sundance Film Festival. A yearly event which can only be described as the holy pilgrimage og independent film. This year's festival is full of great films, but these ten works are the standout favorites that have garnered the most critical attention.
BoyhoodEveryone was sitting on the edge of their theater chairs to see the results of Richard Linklater’s wildly ambitious project Boyhood, which shot over 12 years and charts the life of a child from ages 6 to 18. It seems like the dozen years it took to make Boyhood were well worth it with with words like "masterpiece" popping up every so often in the rabble of critical praise. The film finds transcendance in the small and ordinairy moments that make up childhood, and the film's relatability is one of it's strongest merits Frequent Linklater collaborator Ethan Hawke and actress Patricia Arquette play the boy's parents. Though some critics are saying that the film is a tad too long, most agree that it is a one of a kind experience not to be missed.Best Review Quote: "Boyhood shines in its engrossing, experiential understanding and it’s a special achievement that should be cherished and acknowledged." - Rodrigo Perez, The Playlist
Kumiko the Treasure Hunter A strange, whimsical story about a young woman who becomes obsessed with a movie and is unable to separate it from reality, Kumiko the Treasure Hunter stars Rinko Kikuchi as Kumiko, a shy office worker who sets out to recover the suitcase that Steve Buscemi’s character buries in North Dakota at the end of Fargo. Based on an urban legend, the film has been described as a “spirited and sad adult fairytale [that] will surely baffle as many viewers as it enchants.” Directed by David Zellner and co-written with his brother Nathan, Kumiko the Treasure Hunter is an artsy indie film that balances the absurdity of its premise with a grounded, human performance from Kikuchi that has been greatly praised by critics. It might be one of the odder films featured at this year’s festival, and it’s unlikely to win over a mainstream audience, but with Kikuchi at the center, it’s definitely a film worth looking up. Best Review Quote: “It’s a marvelous role for Kikuchi, who has the intensity of the great silent film stars, and who’s fascinating to watch even when Kumiko is doing nothing more than sitting solemnly by the window of her apartment eating ramen noodles as a rain begins to fall.” - Scott Foundas, Variety
Life Itself This full-figured portrait of the late Roger Ebert delves into the well-lived life of the most famous and celebrated film critics of all time, and critics, some of which are his former peers, are praising its depiction of the late and great critic. The film is by turns, an unflinching and joyful appreciation of the man’s life, from it’s successful highs to its cancer-stricken lows. The film is being praised for it's sensitivity and brevity, but also for not shying away from Ebert's flaws, namely his alcholism and lust for women.Best Review Quote: "There was a thunder in Ebert's heart, and that was his love for movies, and he wanted to tell the world about films, both big ones and small. James should be high-fived every day of his life for telling the real story of Roger Ebert." - Chase Whale, The Playlist
Listen Up Philip The titular Philip is an insufferable jerk, a narcissistic author who spends much of the film insulting and berating the people around him and spending most of his time obsessed with himself and his novels. With Jason Schwartzman in the lead role, the film has been a critical favorite at the festival, with Schwartzman imbuing the right amount of charm to keep the hero from being completely unwatchable, and a sharp story that provides insight into the overbearing protagonist and the people in his life. The film has also been praised for its creative use of literary conventions, such as a voice-over narration that outlines what’s going on in Philip’s head, and chapters that shift the focus to the other characters, so that the audience can experience the story in the same novelistic way that Philip does. It’s not a film that will easily appeal to everyone, but the incredibly positive reviews should help earn the film plenty of attention and recognition.Best Review Quote: “Importantly, the protagonist disappears for a sizeable chunk of the film’s mid section (a device Perry borrowed from William Gaddis’ novel, Recognitions) and we learn as much about him in absentia as we do from being in his overwhelming presence.” - Emma Myers, IndieWire
Love Is Strange Bursting with truths that are both painful and fun yet all too real, Love Is Strange offers a portrait of love and separation. John Lithgow and Alfred Molina portray an older gay couple that gets married after 39 years of living together due to New York's changing same sex marriage laws, but vows are tested in earnest when financial hardships suddenly divide the couple. Critics are enamored with the loving authenticity that’s layered at the film’s heart, and were impressed with the heartfelt performances from the two leads.Best Review Quote: "Throughout the picture ... you understand the miracle and good fortune of finding love, and recognize the great changes in tolerance American society is currently (albeit slowly) undergoing." - Jordan Hoffman, Film.com
Obvious Child This year’s festival featured a number of films centered around a woman in her mid-to-late 20’s whose life is falling apart, but none of them stood out more than Obvious Child, the feature-length debut of writer-director Gillian Robespierre. An abortion rom-com, the film stars Jenny Slate as Donna Stern, an aspiring stand-up comic who becomes pregnant after a one-night stand, and is faced with the reality of being vastly unprepared for the sudden turn her life has taken. Critics have praised Obvious Child not only for doing away with the standard romantic comedy clichés and dealing with taboos head on, but also for handling the subject matter with realism and heart. Slate has also gotten praise for her performance, and should be able to break away from her short run on Saturday night Live in favor of being recognized as a solid actress in her own right. Best Review Quote: “There’s none of the expected movie-of-the-week scenes here—Slate never has an actorly monologue about her predicament, just a series of laugh-so-you-don’t-cry wisecracks […] And yet when Donna is laying sedated on an operating table and gravity sends her tears down her cheeks towards the clinical cold tile floor, you can recognize that her decision may be decisive, but it isn’t unfelt.” - James Rocci, The Playlist
The Raid 2: BerandalThe sequel to the Indonesian smash-hit actioner is getting acclaim from every inch of the festival for it’s wonderfully orchestrated yet absurdly violent fight scenes. Critics say that the film is a delight for genre fans who have a hunger for bloodletting, though the more squeamish members of the public should probably pack a sick bag if they want to make it to the end credits. The film is being called more ambitious than its predecessor, and some critics are divided if the larger emphasis on story and drama does the film and favors, but most agree that the sequel is a visceral and pulse-quickening follow up that certainly lives up to the first outing.Best Review Quote: "This orgy of broken bones and vicious badassery makes its cult predecessor look like a peevish bitch-slap." - David Rooney, The Hollywood Reporter
The Skeleton TwinsIf Will Forte's turn in Nebraska wasn’t proof enough; Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig are also striving to prove the dramatic acting chops of SNL vets with their well-received performances in the comedy-drama The Skeleton Twins. The pair play twins that are both suffering through bouts of depression, and the two characters struggle to regrow the sibling relationship that distance and shared pain had witherd away. Both Hader and Wiig are being praised for their nuanced performances as the duo confidently master the film's nicely balanced tone, which flutters between comedy and drama, but doesn't feel forced or jarring.Best Review Quote: "Hader and Wiig can play serious, can weave humor into their realistic performances, but what separates them from other actors and directors who attempt dangerously tired material is a foundation of collaboration. It’s easy to buy that they’re brother and sister because the rapport is established." - Matt Patches, Vanity Fair
The Voices Perhaps the most eccentric film premiering at Sundance this year, The Voices star Ryan Reynolds as a factory worker who is encouraged by his pets, a well-meaning dog named Bosco and a manipulative and evil cat named Mr. Whiskers, to commit murder. Described as a horror-thriller-comedy, the film does its best to do away with both genre conventions and horror film tropes in favor of a weirdly entertaining psychological drama that puts the audience on the same side as its mentally ill, serial killer hero. Critics have given Reynolds, who provided voices for Bosco and Mr. Whiskers in addition to playing the lead, rave reviews, praising his ability to commit to the character’s wilder moments while still keeping the film grounded and restrained. With such an insane premise, a compelling, committed performance and excellent direction from Marjane Satrapi – artist and director behind both the graphic novel and film Pesepolis – The Voices has all of the key ingredients to become a cult favorite, and quite possibly, even a mainstream success. Best Review Quote: “The film’s combination of psychological drama -- cue the childhood trauma -- with blood-splattered limb-cutting, talking heads in the fridge and talking pets on the couch is a risky one that finally works because [screenwriter Michael R.] Perry and Satrapi find the right tonal mixture for the material, with Jerry’s reality recognizable yet strangely heightened from the start (all the overly joyous pinks in the factory should have been a give-away).” - Boyd van Hoeij, The Hollywood Reporter
Whiplash Starring Miles Teller as an aspiring jazz drummer who is willing to give up everything in order to become one of the greats, and J.K. Simmons has his tyrant of a music teacher, who motivates his students through fear and torrents of insults, Whiplash is a film about the question of whether or not it’s worth it to dedicate everything you have in the name of art. The film earned rave reviews when it premiered on opening night, and critics have said that it boasts career making and defining performances from Teller and Simmons, respectively. It’s not the kind of music film that will leave audiences with a warm fuzzy feeling, but with two explosive leading men and a director who lived through it himself, Whiplash became the most attention-grabbing film to premiere at Sundance. Sony snapped up distribution rights on opening night, which means it’s definitely a film to look forward to in the coming year. Best Review Quote: “For those seeking perfection, one tiny slip threatens to jeopardize the ensemble as a whole. As a result, Fletcher’s strategy is to humiliate the stragglers in front of the entire group — the sort of abuse more commonly associated with locker rooms and war movies, whose high stakes [director David] Chazelle brings to bear on this more civilized arena.” - Peter Debruge, Variety
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Hemlock Grove hits Netflix April 19 and there's very little known about the brand new horror series, aside from the fact that the NSFW trailer scared (and grossed) the hell out of everyone in the Hollywood.com offices. Producer Eli Roth really does have a way with blood... and guts... and maggots... and bones protruding from skin. You get the idea.
But we generally know what the series is about (werewolves), who it's from (Roth), why it's a big deal (Netflix's original programming slate), but who are all of these sexy (but also kind of terrifying) people bringing the book-to-series adaptation to life?
Famke Janssen
Stars As: Olivia Godfrey, matriarch of the wealthy Godfrey family.Notable Qualities: Cold, disarming stare; Apparent insatiable lust, which probably makes her a bit of a MILF.I Know That Face...: Yes, you definitely do. She's the mutant who stole Wolverine's heart in the X-Men movies: Jean Grey.Crush Potential: She's a hot mom with a dark side. Do the math.
Bill Skarsgård
Stars As: Roman Godfrey, son of Olivia and Dr. Norman Godfrey.Notable Qualities: Good at smoldering; often found fighting with his lusty mother; not averse to teaming up with presumed werewolf gypsies to solve murders.I Know That Name... Right?: Sort of. Bill is brother to True Blood's Alexander Skarsgård and son to Stellan Skarsgård. He's also got four names (Bill Istvan Günther Skarsgård) and was in 2012's Anna Karenina with Kiera Knightley.Crush Potential: He's practically got a pedigree as the younger brother of Alexander, plus he's pretty damn handsome. Yeah, you'll be crushing.
Landon Liboiron
Stars As: Peter Rumancek, a gypsy and quite possibly a werewolf.Notable Qualities: He's 17, considered "trailer trash" and a gypsy, and he teams up with the town's richest guy his age to solve a murder? You can bet his life is going to get all kinds of rough. It also means he's totally going to have sexual tension (and – we're guessing – then some) with Roman's sister.I Have No Idea Who This Guy Is: He's Canadian, so you guessed it! He was on Degrassi as Declan. American audiences may know him a little better at the son of Jason O'Mara's hero on the short-lived Fox Sci-Fi series Terra Nova. Crush Potential: Tortured werewolf? Duh.
Penelope Mitchell
Stars As: Letha Godfrey, another of the wealthy Godfrey brood.Notable Qualities: Pretty, blonde, likely to attract scruffy gypsy boys like Peter.I Have No Idea Who This Girl Is: The lovely Australian lady hasn't done much stateside, so this is a bit of a break for her. However, (fun fact) her cousin Radha Mitchell has had some success in the U.S. and is presently starring in ABC's Red Widow. Crush Potential: Look at that gorgeous face. Yes, dudes, there's crush potential.
Dougray Scott
Stars As: Dr. Norman Godfrey, husband of Olivia and father to Roman and Letha.Notable Qualities: Ruggedly handsome; he yells a lot in the trailer, so we're assuming as the patriarch of a wealthy family, he's seeking order in a world that's about to go completely nuts; owner of a biotech facility that could have something to do with the murder Roman and Peter are trying to solve.I Know His Face...: Do you like Drew Barrymore movies? Even the ones where she messes with history and fairy tales and murders a British accent while playing a French girl? Then you probably recognize this rascal from Ever After, Barrymore's strange twist on the classic Cinderella tale.Crush Potential: He seems a little sinister so far, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
Lili Taylor
Stars As: Lynda Rumancek, gypsy mom extraordinaire to Peter (could this casting be any better?).Notable Qualities: She's a gypsy and her son is telling people he's a werewolf. Prepare for sass. I Know Her Face...: You'd netter know her face, she was in such classic films as Mystic Pizza and Say Anything... plus she was a regular on Six Feet Under (if you didn't watch it, scurry over to Netflix right now, slacker). She also introduced the founding members of the band Veruca Salt to one another, so, you're welcome.Crush Potential: She's a pretty lady, but my guess is that's not what she's here for.
Nicole Boivin
Stars As: Shelley Godfrey, youngest daughter of the wealthy, aloof Godfreys.Notable Qualities: She's apparently incredibly creepy, which is appropriate because you can bet the name "Shelley" (with an E) is an homage to Frankenstein author Mary Shelley. I Have No Idea Who This Girl Is: You wouldn't. This is her first acting gig.
Freya Tingley
Stars As: Peter's former friend Christina Wendall.Notable Qualities: She's a teenage girl who's mad at her best friend, who's a hot 17-year-old guy; the sparks will most certainly fly.I Have No Idea Who This Girl Is: This is her first project of note, through from the looks of the trailer, it may the start of many more.Crush Potential: She's pretty, she's young, why not?
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For starters, I need to talk about Spring Breakers. Yes, I understand that this is the finale and I should be appropriately freaking out about the maybe reveal of Red Coat, but this is also the first post-Spring Breakers episode of PLL. I am wildly obsessed with Spring Breakers (I have lost all of my friends over this thing and I don’t even care), and everyone should see the damn movie when it opens nationwide on March 22nd. NY &amp; LA have been very blessed by having access to the movie a week early, which means I celebrated spring break in NY all last weekend. Adults who are old enough to actually attend R-rated movies can see this puppy; if parents are monitoring the Internet use that is allowing you to read this very sentence, wait until you are in college on this one. Don’t disobey your parents and lie to them about the movie you’re seeing – I did that and ended up so emotionally scarred that I watch/write about Pretty Little Liars every single week. Ashley Benson is a superstar and I continue to kiss Hefty Hanna’s feet until the end of days.
RELATED: 'Pretty Little Liars': What's Ahead for Season 4
Now – THE FINALE!!! This finale wasn’t as good as the last finale, mainly because I love a good time jump narrative structure, but also because the lighthouse scene between Emily and Evil Fake Cousin Nate was a highlight for all of PLL till the end of time. All the girls looked very mature and beautiful tonight, which is a plus in everyone’s book – there were some standard colossal fashion missteps, but everyone’s hair was flawless. I will also say that the climax of the episode was the most ambitious scene PLL has ever attempted, to somewhat mixed results. More on that later – we start the episode with the girls celebrating high tea at Spencer’s house, which no one questions. Spencer is planning some sort of grand soiree over the weekend, which clearly means something very bad is going to happen to everyone in Rosewood. PornStarMom is visiting (/hiding out in) NY so she is safe. Hanna asks the difference between a crumpet and an English muffin, which is honestly a really solid question and appropriate given the current social event. Spencer is planning something wicked – ABC Family was nice enough to remind us of Spencer joining Team A during a seizure-inducing “last week on” montage.
Black Hood is hanging out in the Black Hood Van of Death, transferring cell numbers from the van’s database to Black Hood’s mobile. This is like the hacking scenes in Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, only more sinister and featuring more tattoos. Black Hood looks a little sketch doing all of this, but Mona is rather nonchalant. Mona is drinking some kind of evil concoction from an “IS IT FRIDAY YET?” mug, which doesn’t make sense because a true villain would love weekdays and especially Monday into Tuesday. There’s no way insane villains enjoy days everyone else enjoys. That’s just not right. I think I’ve been watching this show too much and my thinking is very paranoid/warped. Mona is bad news.
BABYSITTER WANTED – Hanna is thinking up a wonderful way to trick Malcolm into outing A, which seems like a smart idea until you realize Malcolm is 7 and doesn’t even know how to jump on a bed properly without sending himself to the hospital. Idiot little boy, A should have killed the brat when she had the chance. Aria and Spencer clearly think this babysitter exploitation is a bad idea; Aria’s eyeballs look as big as humanly possible in protest, stretching to the point where Aria might actually be a vessel for alien life where her eyeballs are actually their spaceships. My younger brother used to always manipulate the babysitter into giving him a donut in bed, so I think it’s about time that the babysitter starts getting her own sort of revenge. Spencer has started washing her hair, which means that I’m going to trust her. Shana is swimming at Rosewood, has a creepy connection to Spencer and then lurks away. Hanna hates Shana, but why? “Because. She flirts with everyone but me.” Hanna wins all of the awards for this comment. Ashley Benson is God’s gift to us.
EZRA IS BACK AT ROSEWOOD. I repeat, the teacher that began a wildly inappropriate relationship with one of his students has been allowed back on school grounds. Rosewood is a lawless place. Ezra says he’s not going to accept the teaching gig; the whole situation didn’t go his way. However, there is a much more important return to our favorite small PA city – JENNA. JENNA IS BACK!!! JENNA!!! JENNA!!! JENNA!!! JENNA!!! JENNA!!! Okay, I’m done. We only had to survive a couple of episodes with zero Jenna and zero CeCe, but I’m so glad this hot blind bitch is back in town to stir the pot after being missing for far too many episodes. A is literally texting Jenna from her own damn porch. Wait, is A texting Jenna? This finale plays with perception a lot, as PLL really loves manipulating the audience. What a surprise! I just remembered that Jason’s body is missing after the elevator fall and I can’t stop laughing/crying. Too many emotions at once.
Hanna is interviewing for the babysitting position, because girl does not give up when she thinks she has a winning plan. Hanna jokes about Malcolm liking “fast cars and fast girls.” When Hanna learns that Malcolm is a big fan of trains, she calls, “ALL ABOARD THE HANNA EXPRESS!” Yep, Ezra should feel really safe leaving his son with Hanna. Naturally, no one in Rosewood knows how to take care of his or her own and Ezra decides Hanna can babysit Malcolm once to see how things go. Because, well, no big deal if Malcolm is killed this one time. Ezra and Aria share an awful scene where Aria’s tights are really distracting because they feature 994 colors at the same time. “Nothing about us feels right anymore,” whispers Aria between tears. DAMN RIGHT, HONEY.
Jenna is HOT HOT HOT now that she can see. My notes during this scene are mainly just the f-word repeated till the end of time, but I think that was really just the part focusing on Jenna’s heels and legs. It turns out that Jenna is a lesbian with Shana, or else something super fishy is happening when they rub their hands together. Maybe these girls are witches! Maybe we’re developing a new spin-off that’s half-Vampire Diaries, half-PLL. This also means that the A on Jenna’s porch is not Shana, but instead this Black Hood character waiting in the Twin Peaks diner. Someone walks in to meet Black Hood, described as “Pretty Eyes” – it’s TOBY!!!!!!!!!! HE IS ALIVE!!!!!! What an Easter miracle. I would not say that Toby’s eyeballs are his most defining feature (my vote – monster jaw). And under the black hood? Spencer, wearing a lot of make-up. SPENCER!!! Duh. I screamed a lot during this scene, for no real reason.
Spencer has been a part of Mona’s game so she could find answers – answers about Toby and answers about Red Coat. Spencer was the one hacking into Mona’s database for the cell number; Spencer knew she could find a way to get in touch with Toby. Spencer cements her status as the smartest person on the planet, and I bow in the presence of greatness (right now God has forsaken us). “Everything I’ve done so I could protect you” – Spencer and Toby are on solid terms again. A sex scene is in our future. Spencer was also the one to kidnap Malcolm and take him to the carnival, which is some elaborate plan to make Aria trust Spencer. Or something. Honestly, I don’t understand that logic and I’d rather just forget about the period of time where Spencer was locked up and didn’t think to deal with her dirty hair.
During babysitting, Hanna tells Malcolm that television rots the brain – “it’s your choice if you want to grow up to be stupid.” Hanna instead proposes this really fun game where she flips through all of her female friends and sees if Malcolm recognizes anyone. Turns out, Hanna just has all of her friends’ headshots in her iPhone photos and absolutely no nudes that she would have recently sent to Caleb. Regardless, Malcolm doesn’t bite; none of these girls are “Aria’s friend Alison.” Hanna alerts Emily. Emily is going for a midnight run, which seems stupid since she has a swim meet the next day. Emily spots Melissa, Jenna, and Shana yelling about something, something that looks like the invite for Spencer’s “party.” Lame. Emily once again thinks she’s Nancy Drew. Emily is probably drunk. I hope you all donated to the Veronica Mars movie.
RELATED: 'Pretty Little Liars' Finale Scoop!
Toby is living at a motel. Toby and Spencer have a lot of steamy sex while Lana Del Rey plays over the soundtrack. I think someone is trying to reference Vertigo but I also think the camera is drunk. I can hear a million teenagers sobbing into their pillows in a frenzy of lust. I die happy.
Hanna tells Malcolm about the days when she would eat “peanut butter, frosting in a can, and have a party.” Frosting in a can is one of the true blessings that human beings have discovered. I hope season four deals with a really scary plot where Hanna begins binge eating frosting again, resulting in her own emotional meltdown. I wonder if the other girls are mad that Ashley Benson got to do Spring Breakers while they painted their nails and took pictures for Teen Vogue… Okay. Back to babysitting. Someone sends Hanna a picture of Alison and SPENCER. Malcolm recognizes the “girl in the blue shirt” – SPENCER. Uh oh. Spencer is in trouble. Team Malcolm! This kid of ambiguous ethnic background redeems himself.
The next day – swim meet at Rosewood. This scene is kind of genius. Spencer spots Red Coat walking into the meet, but then realizes that the visiting team is the Red Devils; red cloaks are everywhere. Spencer finally spots her Red Coat again, and follows our mysterious figure into the bathroom… only to find it’s HANNA. Actually, it’s a trap set by the Three Sane Liars – if Spencer doesn’t know the identity of Red Coat, then she’s clearly not doing the dirty with Mona. Spencer is wearing too much make-up and too much black. Spencer explains that Mona wanted to break Spencer in the woods with the fake Toby body so that Mona could rebuild Spencer into a new machine of revenge; however, it backfired, as Spencer was strong enough to use Mona in order to find Toby and develop a plan to figure out the identity of Red Coat. Emily is hanging out in the bathroom when she should be swimming.
Aria learns that Ezra took the job at Rosewood, after he blatantly lied to her. Aria is pissed – “You’re right. There never was a happy ending for us.” While this long breakup was super sad, I think the more important tidbit we learned here is that the Liars have 7 more months of high school. SEVEN. I have absolutely no idea how that is even humanly possible at this damn school. Even fantasy/horror-influenced high school dramas like Buffy the Vampire Slayer didn’t use high school as an endless metaphor for purgatory. Is PLL a Lost prequel…?
Here we go. THE CLIMAX. Okay, the more I think about this climax the more I realize it was kind of a grand ballet for these girls. I’m just frustrated that we didn’t get any concrete answers. The three Liars in trouble get ready for the big party – Hanna brags about her brand new Miu Miu shoes, which she will return tomorrow for a full refund. The girls look super glammed up for this random soiree. Someone takes a video of the girls from outside Hanna’s home, and it seems like Hanna’s windows don’t hold any sort of sound inside the house. Excellent. That someone videographer was Toby – he needed to convince Mona that the girls were en route. As soon as the three Liars arrive at the lodge, they switch into their sneaky boots and make their way into the house; we’re turning the tables on Mona! Meanwhile, RED COAT IS IN A GIANT AIRPLANE ON HER WAY TO THE LODGE’S LANDING STRIP. The budget for this episode just skyrocketed, and I’m obsessed with Red Coat having a plane.
Mona is the worst. Toby is pretending to be super rude so Mona still trusts him; as soon as Spencer and Toby are outside in the woods, they are secret lovebirds all over again. Spencer has the best gown of the evening, because it is gold and also to the max sparkly. I still don’t understand why this fake party was put together, or why anyone would actually want to go, but whatever. A party to celebrate Spencer getting out of the loony bin? That sounds uncouth. Spencer runs off to see Red Coat’s face, Toby heads in the other direction to discover some strangers roaming around the woods – I believe these strangers are Melissa-Jenna-Shana, but PLL is obviously infamous for showing us what they want us to believe. Sigh.
RELATED: 'Pretty Little Liars' Recap: Mona's Surprising Ally
Mona is terribly upset when she’s corned by Aria, Emily, and Hanna - “Red Coat is everywhere and she’s nowhere,” according to Mona. That makes sense, Crazy One. One of the randos in the woods lights the cabin/lodge on fire, which is a nice touch. No one can escape! LOL! The fire illuminates the A-frame of the house, so the fire looks like an A. Get it? A!!! I could also be unhinged and hallucinating – please let me know if I should seek medical attention. Everyone is shocked to learn that Mona also doesn’t know who Red Coat is, but I don’t know why these girls assumed that a criminal mastermind would reveal themselves to a sad little girl that recently escaped from her insane asylum and joined the brainiacs.
Randos in the woods hit Toby in the back of the head; he’s knocked out, and they drop a lighter in his hand that features a wonky compass rose. This seems like a big clue for season four. Spencer follows Red Coat through the woods for 44 minutes of this hour-long episode, until Red Coat is seen pulling the three Liars from the burning house. Red Coat moves like Nightcrawler from X-Men. Hanna thinks she spots Red Coat’s face for a brief second… seeing the face is Ali? ALI IS ALIVE?!!???!! ALI IS RED COAT???!!! The show was clearly setting CeCe up for the big reveal, but the question of Ali being alive has always floated around the show. Also, how do we deal with the show’s recurring, shady references to Ali’s twin ? I haven’t read the book series so I don’t know anything. I do know that Chuck Bass was bisexual and owned a pet monkey in the Gossip Girl books, so there’s always that to cling to in times of need. The possible promise of Living Ali means my jaw is still on the floor. I always think I know PLL’s next big move and yet still find myself shocked. I’m a sucker for this sort of thing.
Hanna wasn’t dreaming; Mona is saying that Alison pulled them out of the fire, and Spencer also adds her voice to the “Ali is Red Coat” screams. We don’t have solid evidence, but this seems pretty legitimate. I’m sure season 4 will reveal that all of the girls are drug addicts living out their delusion alternate realty involving a rude blonde nurse named Alison, but this is a great development for now – it’s just the right amount of creepy with the slight possibility that the entire thing is totally false.
The Liars and Mona return from the woody lodge, relieved that they weren’t burned alive or fake blinded like Jenna. They’re relieved until they’re outside of Hanna’s home and spot WILDEN’S CAR FROM THE POND. THE VIDEO IS STILL ON LOOP. THIS CAR IS A TRANSFORMER AND IMMORTAL. We see PornStarMom hitting Wilden with her car… but then the video hits new footage - JENNA &amp; SHANA HELP WILDEN OUT OF THE WOODS. Okay. Jenna is back in town and Jenna is ready to f**k some bitches UP. Our four ladies AND MONA receive a nice text – “You’re mine now. Kisses-A.” Spencer pops open the trunk. We receive a nice reverse angle form inside the truck, looking up at the gaggle of misfits; I’m sure Quentin Tarantino would be fond of this shot if he was fond of PLL (and QT is just crazy enough that he might actually watch this damn show). Everyone screams bloody murder.
The tag at the end of the episode loops us back to Ali’s Carrie hand, shooting up from the dirt as a cry for help; this was the season 3 Halloween tag. However, we get a few more seconds of footage this time around, and we see another hand dive in to pull Ali out of her grave. HOLY WOAH. Maybe Alison shook off that dirt, hopped in her Pussy Wagon, and rode off to kill Bill. Maybe Alison was being turned, and now she is a full-fledged vampire. PLL has become much darker and twisty, and while I’m up for the change (just like Harry Potter!), I kind of miss the playful, cartoon-y edge of the early years; thank God Almighty that Hanna is still around to lighten the mood. SPRING BREAK FOREVER. I’m sure the forth season will be bonkers – I. Marlene King recently tweeted about re-watching the pilot episode while writing season 4; King also hinted in the PLL Entertainment Weekly cover story that the show could draw to a close after the fifth season. I say 55 seasons. Minimum.
[Image Credit: ABC Family(2)]
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Put down your microphone, stop that mermaid dancing, and get excited for some aca-awesome news: Universal Pictures is reportedly in talks to create a Pitch Perfect sequel starring breakout actress Rebel Wilson.
According to MovieWeb, the musical comedy’s leading man, Skylar Astin has also been approached to take part in a second onscreen a capella adventure. “I do have a meeting with a Universal representative next week. And I know that Rebel Wilson had hers last weekend. It's definitely a talking point," Astin said to MovieWeb. The 25-year-old actor revealed he’s confident a sequel will make just as much of a musical splash as the first film, saying, “I think they did such a perfect job. The music landed so perfectly when it came out the first time, I can't imagine, if the same people are involved, that lightning won't strike twice. I will sing whatever they want me to sing."
RELATED: Pitch Perfect: Why 'Glee' Fans Should Give It a Chance
Fans were intrigued when the summer smash Pitch Perfect ended with a minor cliffhanger. For those of you who were busy seeing The Avengers for the 27th time, we’ll catch you up: Anna Kendrick’s character Becca decided to stay at Barden University for another year and The Bellas — the victorious all-girl a capella group — are now the top club on campus. We last saw The Bellas at the following year's a capella auditions. Right before Becca was to announce the song choice, the screen cut to black. This rather abrupt ending led audiences to wonder, what is next for the Barden Bellas?
Well it seems that Hollywood.com needs to start buying lottery tickets, because we can predict the future. Earlier this summer, we had the pleasure of sitting down with the stars and director of the hit musical-comedy, and we had one thing on our mind: What would you like to see in Pitch Perfect 2?
With stories ranging from an Australian adventure, to a new-found romance, Wilson, Astin, Kendrick and more revealed their hopes and dreams for a second Pitch Perfect. Read on for all the hilarious sequel suggestions!
Rebel Wilson and Adam DeVine: Tale of Love and Lust
Many fans loved the quick-witted interactions between rivals Fat Amy and Bumper, however Adam Devine reveals that a sequel could explore the softer side of the two characters. “There’s a lot of sexual chemistry between the two of us and backstory that we didn’t really get to in the film, because it’s only two hours. It could have been an opus, it could have been nine hours where you really delve into our relationship.”
Rebel Wilson agreed, “It could’ve been the Bumper and Fat Amy show but they said, ‘Oh no. Anna Kendrick has been nominated for an Oscar she should get the main love story.’” Not going to lie, we would pay a lot of money to see that movie. Especially since DeVine described it as a “deep dark, emotional tale of love and lust and loss.” Sounds aca-mazing!
Skylar Astin and Anna Camp: Acapulco Adventure
“There’s only going to be a sequel if this girl is involved,” Astin revealed with a smile about his co-star Anna Camp. “That’s the only way I’ll do it.” But Camp was quick to explain the small problem with that plan: “But I graduate!” Yes, it’s true. Camp’s character, Aubrey, was not in the final scene of Pitch Perfect. However, the actress has a plan to be involved in the second flick, despite her alumni status. “I think we need to go on on a European mega a capella world competition. International style,” Camp said. To which Astin added with a laugh, “And we’ll film it in Acapulco.”
RELATED: Rebel Wilson and Adam DeVine Plan the Sexy Sequel to ‘Pitch Perfect’
Anna Kendrick and Brittany Snow: Bring in the Pros
Right away, Brittany Snow expressed her concerns regarding a second movie. “I kind of hope that there is not a sequel that starts right where it left off, because Aubrey and Chloe are not there, because we graduated… You can’t make it without Aubrey and Chloe!” Snow exclaimed. Not to worry Bella fans, Kendrick was prepared with two suggestions to include the whole cast. “I think you come crawling back, I think you’re like super-seniors, like five-year seniors. You just didn’t graduate,” Kendrick explained to Snow. However we’re keeping our fingers crossed that this second option makes it to the big screen: “You guys are the ones that have like an uncredited appearance.” The actress continues, “We don’t tell anybody that you’re in it, and then like at the last second, we’re like, 'We need to call in the pros!' And then it’s like in Wedding Crashers when Will Ferrell comes down the stairs.”
RELATED: Anna Kendrick and Brittany Snow’s Adorably Awkward ‘Pitch Perfect’ Interview
Director Jason Moore: Pitch Perfect Down Under
When asked about the movie’s cliffhanger ending, Pitch Perfect director Jason Moore explained “You know we haven’t talked about a sequel, and it does kind of end in a cliffhanger way. We didn’t intend it to necessarily, but I can see how people would think that. But if people like it, maybe we’ll see more of Becca and Fat Amy.” Seeing these two ladies leading The Bellas to a sophomore victory would surely be hilarious, but does that mean the past seniors are gone for good? Inspired by Camp’s suggestion for an a capella world tour, Moore was quick to think of a way to bring back the graduates. “Now we need a [professional] a capella group if we need Chloe and Aubrey to come back.” Moore pondered, “Fat Amy is from Australia, and it makes me think that we need to go full international.”
Fans can now pick up their copy of Pitch Perfect on DVD and Blu-Ray in stores and online.
Which sequel idea do you prefer? Sing us your thoughts in the comments below!
Follow Leanne on Twitter @LeanneAguilera
[Photo Credit: Universal Pictures]
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While the annual Sundance film festival continues to be a place that launches young filmmaking talent, over the years it's also become a star-studded publicity machine attracting big names looking to debut their new films. The list of celebs attending the 2013 festival for the out-of-competition premieres of their new movies should not disappoint.
The most anticipated premiere won't happen until the end of the festival, when the Steve Jobs biopic jOBS, starring Ashton Kutcher as the Apple guru, is honored as the closing night film.
Oscar-winning screenwriters (and sometime sitcom stars) Nat Faxon and Jim Rash will make their directorial debut with a film they wrote called The Way, Way Back, starring Steve Carell and Toni Collette.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt will take it one step further by starring in his self-penned directorial debut, DonJon's Addiction, alongside Scarlett Johansson and Julianne Moore.
There's also Lovelace, with Amanda Seyfried as the titular '70s porn star, the third union of Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy in Before Midnight, and Jane Campion's six-hour epic Top of the Lake, among many others.
The documentaries premiering out of competition cover diverse topics, including Wikileaks, Jeremy Lin, multiple sclerosis, Dick Cheney and more.
The 2013 Sundance Film Festival runs from Jan. 17-27, 2013.
2013 PREMIERES
A.C.O.D. / U.S.A. (Director: Stuart Zicherman, Screenwriters: Ben Karlin, Stuart Zicherman) — Carter is a well-adjusted Adult Child of Divorce. So he thinks. When he discovers he was part of a divorce study as a child, it wreaks havoc on his family and forces him to face his chaotic past. Cast: Adam Scott, Richard Jenkins, Catherine O'Hara, Amy Poehler, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Clark Duke.
Before Midnight / U.S.A. (Director: Richard Linklater, Screenwriters: Julie Delpy, Ethan Hawke, Richard Linklater— We meet Jesse and Celine nine years on in Greece. Almost two decades have passed since their first meeting on that train bound for Vienna. Before the clock strikes midnight, we will again become part of their story. Cast: Ethan Hawke, Julie Delpy, Xenia Kalogeropoulou, Ariane Labed, Athina Rachel Tsangari, Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick.
Big Sur / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Michael Polish) — Unable to cope with a suddenly demanding public and battling advanced alcoholism, Jack Kerouac seeks respite in three brief sojourns to a cabin in Big Sur, which reveal his mental and physical deterioration. Cast: Jean-Marc Barr, Kate Bosworth, Josh Lucas, Radha Mitchell, Anthony Edwards, Henry Thomas.
Breathe In / U.S.A. (Director: Drake Doremus, Screenwriters: Drake Doremus, Ben York Jones) — When a foreign exchange student arrives in a small upstate New York town, she challenges the dynamics of her host family's relationships and alters their lives forever. Cast: Guy Pearce, Felicity Jones, Amy Ryan, Mackenzie Davis.
Don Jon's Addiction / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Joseph Gordon-Levitt) — In Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s charming directorial debut, a selfish modern-day Don Juan attempts to change his ways. Cast: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Scarlett Johansson, Julianne Moore, Tony Danza, Glenne Headly, Rob Brown.
The East / U.S.A. (Director: Zal Batmanglij, Screenwriters: Zal Batmanglij, Brit Marling) — An operative for an elite private intelligence firm goes into deep cover to infiltrate a mysterious anarchist collective attacking major corporations. Bent on apprehending these fugitives, she finds her loyalty tested as her feelings grow for the group's charismatic leader. Cast: Brit Marling, Alexander Skarsgård, Ellen Page, Toby Kebbell, Shiloh Fernandez, Patricia Clarkson.
The Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete / U.S.A. (Director: George Tillman Jr., Screenwriter: Michael Starrbury) — Separated from their mothers and facing a summer in the Brooklyn projects alone, two boys hide from police and forage for food, with only each other to trust. A story of salvation through friendship and two boys against the world. Cast: Skylan Brooks, Ethan Dizon, Jennifer Hudson, Jordin Sparks, Anthony Mackie, Jeffrey Wright.
jOBS / U.S.A. (Director: Joshua Michael Stern, Screenwriter: Matt Whiteley) — The true story of one of the greatest entrepreneurs in American history, jOBS chronicles the defining 30 years of Steve Jobs’ life. jOBS is a candid, inspiring and personal portrait of the one who saw things differently. Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Dermot Mulroney, Josh Gad, Lukas Haas, J.K. Simmons, Matthew Modine. CLOSING NIGHT FILM
The Look of Love / United Kingdom (Director: Michael Winterbottom, Screenwriter: Matt Greenhalgh) — The true story of British adult magazine publisher and entrepreneur Paul Raymond. A modern day King Midas story, Raymond became one of the richest men in Britain at the cost of losing those closest to him. Cast: Steve Coogan, Anna Friel, Imogen Poots, Tamsin Egerton.
Lovelace / U.S.A. (Directors: Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman, Screenwriter: Andy Bellin) — Deep Throat, the first pornographic feature film to be a mainstream success, was an international sensation in 1972 and made its star, Linda Lovelace, a media darling. Years later the “poster girl for the sexual revolution” revealed a darker side to her story. Cast: Amanda Seyfried, Peter Sarsgaard, Hank Azaria, Adam Brody, James Franco, Sharon Stone.
The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman / U.S.A. (Director: Fredrik Bond, Screenwriter: Matt Drake) — Traveling abroad, Charlie Countryman falls for Gabi, a Romanian beauty whose unreachable heart has its origins in Nigel, her violent, charismatic ex. As the darkness of Gabi’s past increasingly envelops him, Charlie resolves to win her heart, or die trying. Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Evan Rachel Wood, Mads Mikkelsen, Rupert Grint, James Buckley, Til Schweiger.
Prince Avalanche / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: David Gordon Green) — Two highway road workers spend the summer of 1988 away from their city lives. The isolated landscape becomes a place of misadventure as the men find themselves at odds with each other and the women they left behind. Cast: Paul Rudd, Emile Hirsch.
Stoker / U.S.A. (Director: Park Chan-Wook, Screenwriter: Wentworth Miller) — After India's father dies in an auto accident, her Uncle Charlie comes to live with her and her mother, Evelyn. Soon after his arrival, India suspects that this mysterious, charming man has ulterior motives but becomes increasingly infatuated with him. Cast: Mia Wasikowska, Matthew Goode, Dermot Mulroney, Jacki Weaver, Nicole Kidman.
Sweetwater / U.S.A. (Directors: Logan Miller, Noah Miller, Screenwriter: Andrew McKenzie) — In the late 1800s, a fanatical religious leader, a renegade Sheriff, and a former prostitute collide in a blood triangle on the rugged plains of the New Mexico Territory. Cast: Ed Harris, January Jones, Jason Isaacs, Eduardo Noriega, Steven Rude, Amy Madigan.
Top of the Lake / Australia, New Zealand (Directors: Jane Campion, Garth Davis, Screenwriters: Jane Campion, Gerard Lee) — A 12-year-old girl stands chest deep in a frozen lake. She is five months pregnant, and won't say who the father is. Then she disappears. So begins a haunting mystery that consumes a community. Cast: Elisabeth Moss, Holly Hunter, Peter Mullan, David Wenham. This six-hour film will screen once during the Festival.
Two Mothers / Australia, France (Director: Anne Fontaine, Screenwriter: Christopher Hampton) — This gripping tale of love, lust and the power of friendship charts the unconventional and passionate affairs of two lifelong friends who fall in love with each other’s sons. Cast: Naomi Watts, Robin Wright, Xavier Samuel, James Frechevile.
Very Good Girls / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Naomi Foner) — In the long, half-naked days of a New York summer, two girls on the brink of becoming women fall for the same guy and find that life isn't as simple or safe as they had thought. Cast: Dakota Fanning, Elizabeth Olsen, Boyd Holbrook, Demi Moore, Richard Dreyfuss, Ellen Barkin.
The Way, Way Back / U.S.A. (Directors and screenwriters: Nat Faxon, Jim Rash) — Duncan, an introverted 14-year-old, comes into his own over the course of a comedic summer when he forms unlikely friendships with the gregarious manager of a rundown water park and the misfits who work there. Cast: Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Allison Janney, Sam Rockwell, Maya Rudolph, Liam James.
2013 DOCUMENTARY PREMIERES
ANITA / U.S.A. (Director: Freida Mock) — Anita Hill, an African-American woman, charges Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas with sexual harassment in explosive Senate hearings in 1991 – bringing sexual politics into the national consciousness and fueling 20 years of international debate on the issues.
The Crash Reel / U.S.A. (Director: Lucy Walker) — The jaw-dropping story of one unforgettable athlete, Kevin Pearce; one eye-popping sport, snowboarding; and one explosive issue, traumatic brain injury. An epic rivalry between Kevin and Shaun White culminates in a life-changing crash and a comeback story with a difference. SALT LAKE CITY GALA FILM
History of the Eagles / U.S.A. (Director: Alison Ellwood) — Using never-before-seen home movies, archival footage and new interviews with all current and former members of the Eagles, this documentary provides an intimate look into the history of the band and the legacy of their music.
Linsanity / U.S.A. (Director: Evan Leong) — Jeremy Lin came from a humble background to make an unbelievable run in the NBA. State high school champion, all-Ivy League at Harvard, undrafted by the NBA and unwanted there: his story started long before he landed on Broadway.
Pandora's Promise / U.S.A. (Director: Robert Stone) — A growing number of environmentalists are renouncing decades of antinuclear orthodoxy and have come to believe that the most feared and controversial technology known to mankind is probably our greatest hope.
Running from Crazy / U.S.A. (Director: Barbara Kopple) — Mariel Hemingway, granddaughter of Ernest Hemingway, strives for a greater understanding of her family history of suicide and mental illness. As tragedies are explored and deeply hidden secrets are revealed, Mariel searches for a way to overcome a similar fate.
Sound City / U.S.A. (Director: Dave Grohl) — Through interviews and performances with the legendary musicians and producers who worked at America's greatest unsung recording studio, Sound City, we explore the human element of music, and the lost art of analog recording in an increasingly digital world.
We Steal Secrets: The Story of WikiLeaks / U.S.A. (Director: Alex Gibney) — In 2010, WikiLeaks and its sources used the power of the Internet to usher in what was for some a new era of transparency and for others the beginnings of an information war.
When I Walk / U.S.A., Canada (Director: Jason DaSilva) — At 25, filmmaker and artist Jason DaSilva finds out he has a severe form of multiple sclerosis. This film shares his personal and grueling journey over the next seven years. Along the way, an unlikely miracle changes everything.
Which Way is the Front Line from Here? The Life and Time of Tim Hetherington / U.S.A. (Director: Sebastian Junger) — Shortly after the release of his documentary Restrepo, photographer Tim Hetherington was killed in Libya. Colleague Sebastian Junger traces Hetherington's work across the world's battlefields to reveal how he transcended the boundaries of image-making to become a luminary in his profession.
The World According to Dick Cheney / U.S.A. (Directors: R.J. Cutler, Greg Finton) — How did Dick Cheney become the single-most-powerful nonpresidential figure in American history? This multi-layered examination of Cheney's life, career, key relationships and controversial worldview features exclusive interviews with the former vice president and his closest allies.
Follow Jean on Twitter @hijean
[Photo Credit: Dale Robinette/Millennium Films]
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After a season of making choices I couldn’t necessarily get behind True Blood finally did the right thing: it ruined everything. And I think we're all as shocked as Sookie is in that photo to the left.
This includes the sudden end of Russell Edgington’s rampage. As wonderful as Denis O’Hare’s dastardly hedonist is, it was time to lay him to rest. The political intrigue was too much with Russell’s own directionless agenda. When he approached the fairy tent with his newfound clarity (thanks to the elder fairy’s blood) it was a welcome relief to see Eric swoop in as the greaser hero and murder the S.O.B. It was a little unceremonious, considering all Russell has done, but he had his season. And this time, he really isn’t the problem: Bill is.
And that’s where the episode also gets it right. After Eric kills Russell and deplores Sookie to save her former love, Eric, Sookie, Jason, Tara, and Nora storm the Authority to get Bill back and rescue Pam and Jessica. By the time Eric and Sookie get to Bill, he’s tricked his lover Salome into drinking silver-tainted blood so he could stake her in what appears to be the bloodiest episode ever. He’s holding the vial of Lilith’s blood, and as the last of the delusional Authority set, he’s prepared to drink it. Sookie gives an impassioned speech about how he was the best, kindest, most amazing vampire she’s ever met. He comes back with a quip about her being an abomination and the assertion that vampires eventually turn on those they love. With that, he breaks Sookie’s heart (again) and drinks the blood.
At first, it seems that True Blood has done the impossible: killed Bill. His blood drains from his face like someone opening the Arc of the Covenant and he melts into a puddle. But Sookie can barely get out three tears on Eric’s well-formed chest before Bill emerges from the pile of goo: He’s officially become male-Lilith. It’s enough to make you say something along the lines of, “Well, sh*t.” But it’s also the perfect, most intriguing way to end the season.
All too often, True Blood sews up its big questions with a sudden vanquishing of evil. This season, the really big question was “Is Bill really evil?” And in the season finale, that question gets a brutal answer that begs a thousand more inquiries. What is the series without a prospect for Bill and Sookie? It’s a delicious notion that the show may actually be willing to endanger those aspects we take as “givens.” It’s not exactly Breaking Bad, but the series deserves credit for a solid season-ending transformation.
But it’s not just Bill’s last twist that’s more satisfying than watching Sam rip that godawful auburn-haired Authority chancellor to shreds. Tara finally completes her transformation from completely unforgivable character to someone we actually like having around. All season, her storyline with Pam has been kept at arm’s length while stories of species-ist Obamas, curses and sundry magical headaches, and lovesick Hoyt (thank God we only had one of him) took the spotlight. Finally, finally, finally Tara and Pam get at least a shred of the pomp and circumstance they deserve. When Sookie and Tara finally save Jessica and Pam from their cells, Tara doesn’t even flinch at grabbing the silver gate to free Pam because as Jessica so adorably exclaims, they were totally into each other. It’s the perfect development for both characters because Pam deserves to stop whining about Eric constantly and Tara needs something that makes her the opposite of abhorrent.
Unfortunately, things aren’t as peachy for another lady vampire. Jessica is shocked to hear Jason respond to her confession of love with the resolute belief that he could never love a vampire. Now, this is where the series’ good deeds start to drop off. Jason, after being hit accidentally with a fairy ray, has started seeing his dead parents everywhere he goes. His dead parent ghosts also happen to be insufferable bigots. They whisper in his ear all episode-long, convincing him that he hates vampires and his duty is to kill as many as he can. Suddenly, Jason’s only real definable qualities (other than his capacity for lust) are gone. He’s always been a little gullible and a bit of a ditz, but mostly, he had a great big heart full of truly good intentions no matter how often they happened to misfire.
The Jason of the Season 5 finale looks nothing like the Jason we’ve come to love. Even when he joined Reverend Newlin’s church back in Season 3, he wasn’t drinking the Koolaid this resolutely. Sookie helpfully informs us that the issue is the giant, untreated headwound he’s rocking, but that doesn’t stop him from going on a bloody rampage. Luckily, he doesn’t turn the gun on the vampires helping him storm the Authority, but we really can’t trust this new Jason. Well, we can’t until the final “bonus” scene of the episode.
In a scene that the writers apparently couldn’t figure out how to fit into the episode naturally, Jason and crew explore the escape route from the Authority. Along the way, Jason is still talking to his parent-ghosts and utters the name Warlow. Just like that, Nora has a surefire way of not getting one of Jason’s wooden bullets: she asks him what he knows about Warlow. Clearly, Nora is not going anywhere, but if she leads us to this sinister vamp (who should seriously have considered changing his name to something a little more terrifying) her annoying leech-like presence next to Eric can be tolerated.
Clearly, in vampire families, the lines are very blurred. “Moms” and “daughters” can also be girlfriends. “Brothers” and “sisters” can be lovers. But Eric and Nora are completely obnoxious together - and not just because they’re in the way of Sookie-Eric potential. Okay, that is a big part of it. We can see, however, that Eric still cares greatly for his little blonde friend. From the way he threatens Nora’s life when she tries to eat Sookie, to the way he tells the Authority guard she “is amazing, but she’s mine” it’s clear that Eric has not fully left his feelings, whatever they may be now, for Sookie behind him. Thank God.
Of course, the season finale didn’t completely clean house. (As much as we might have hoped it would.) Sam and Luna are still on their path to saving Emma from the Authority. After Bill encounters Sam and commands the entire security force to find him (the ability to become a fly suddenly sure comes in handy when being chased by vampires), Sam and Luna are under the gun. Sam’s brilliant idea is to have Luna transform into Newlin since he fled once Russell was killed. Luna does it, steals Emma, and proceeds to attempt to deliver Newlin’s message refuting his involvement in Russell’s tirade on a frat house via live broadcast. The only issue with Sam’s brilliant plan is that last time Luna shifted into a person, she almost died. Sam’s brother also died after shifting into people too many times. Why in the world would he let her do that? This, truly, makes no sense. It’s more likely he would have sacrificed himself - plus he actually has a southern accent and would have avoided that whole receptionist-catching-Luna-red-handed issue.
Luckily for Luna, she doesn’t die... immediately. She involuntarily shifts back into herself when she’s trying to deliver Newlin’s speech. Instead, she tells live TV that vampires are keeping a whole basement of humans as their personal snack pantry. Just before the infernal redhead chancellor can take Luna out, Sam (as a fly) zips into her mouth, shifts and kills her. So that’s why he needed her to be the one transforming into Newlin? Poor choice, writers. We now know that ladies look better covered head-to-toe in blood than men do.
Andy, unfortunately, also still has a story - with plenty of unnecessary characters along for the ride, to boot. Mirella, and her insatiable hunger for pure salt (where the hell did that come from?), is ready to have her baby. Just as Andy is telling Holly the horrible truth about his other lady and her state, Mirella’s “light breaks” and she starts popping out babies. And because none of this was uncomfortable enough, she also has Earth-shattering orgasms with each birth. Lafayette and Arlene look on in awe (and the glow of who knows how many “Cajun margaritas”) and I couldn’t help but wish I was as tipsy as they were.
Mirella leaves Andy with all four babies, saying he’s now required to take care of them. Holly resolutely breaks up with, calling him an asshole. And suddenly, Andy is relegated to a Season 6 about his transformation to Mr. Mom. This is not what we needed, writers.
We also didn’t need for Alcide’s story to take him further from the vampire circle. We love Alcide (I love Alcide), but taking him deeper and deeper into werewolf culture takes him further and further from the characters we care about. This week, Martha brings him Ricky, who’s been force-fed V and is overdosing. Papa Alcide has a remedy and they treat Ricky while she secured Alcide as her man and tells him that J.D. force-fed everyone V and raped the younger were-ladies.
Without so much as a moment to consider the gravity of his father’s suggestion that he take V to even the playing field and defeat J.D., Alcide uncharacteristically takes V without so much as a struggle (even though it’s what drove his childhood sweetheart to insanity). Sure, he kills J.D. and fixes it by saying that his first ruling as the new packmaster is that there will be no more V or rape, but his character simply rolls through these plot points with too much ease. Besides, without his connection to the main plot, his stories can’t help but feel like throwaways. It may not be realistic for him to be involved in regular Bon Temps life, but it’s also not realistic that he’s a werewolf who lusted after a fairy who’s in love with two vampires. Realism isn’t always the answer.
The episode still had the issue of feeling a little disjointed. While Bill’s transformation is a definitive end-cap on the season, the rest of the stories felt severely unfinished. The benefit of that is that there will be plenty to get into as soon as the season gets underway next summer. The problem is that, other than Bill, these side plots may not be strong enough to merit our salivating over their possible conclusions for another year.
Were you satisfied with the True Blood season finale? Did you see Bill’s final state coming? Did you think he’d actually died for a second there?
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: HBO]
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We often seek some level of importance in our favorite television dramas, but I’d wager that most of us are just looking for a bloody good time when we sit down for an episode of True Blood mere hours before we embark on another work week. It’s supposed to be an escape, not a test of our political knowledge — and a wonky one at that. This week’s “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” takes the political themes the series has been throwing at a wall of blood-thirsty vampires and blows them out of proportion. Of course, on the bright side, it looks like that overarching theme is helping to weed out a few of our obnoxious, gratuitous storylines.
Season 5’s main plot — that of the vampire revolution — is necessarily political, but the fact that Salome and her new King, Bill, are waging a pro-vampire, anti-human war from their underground palace is so far from reality that it’s easier to find and process the wider political themes. And with a series like True Blood — whose strength lies in its ability to tantalize us — the easier the serious elements are to process, the better.
To some extent, Bill and Salome stay on that path this week. While many fans are still holding out hope that good ol’ Bill hasn’t turned to the dark side, the vamp himself isn’t quite sure either. He tells Eric he’s confused about which way is the right one, and all it takes is some hallucinatory sex with Salome, his apparent new lady, to set him on the path to Sanguinista royalty. He imagines Salome is both Sookie and Lilith (blood-covered edition) and they feed on each other. That’s one way to solidify one’s bloodlust. Bill is firmly (for now) on Salome’s side.
This is terrible news for Eric, who’s formulated an entire escape plan with Molly (Tina Majorino). He even successfully subdues his batty sister-girlfriend Nora with his intoxicating kisses long enough to bring her along for the ride, but Bill proves to be the side-switching traitor we feared. He calls the guards on Eric and has him arrested, and Bill-Sookie shippers everywhere weep. With all these issues plaguing both Bill and Eric, there’s no way either one of those handsome vamps is going to weasel his way back into Sookie’s newly independent little heart.
There is, of course, the possibility that Bill is playing absolutely everyone in some grand scheme to overthrow all the evil in the Authority, but if that’s the case, he’d better have a really amazing plan. His handful of little moves to convince Salome he’s on her side — if that is, in fact, what he’s doing — have cost so many lives already. It simply doesn’t seem like something that formerly-good Bill would do unless he really has changed. Still, we can hang onto the marked change in his face when Eric asked him if Sookie was really just food to him. It’s the only thing standing between Completely Evil Bill and Old Bill.
For now, however, we’re stuck with power-hungry Vampire Bill, seated at the throne with his temptress of a Queen, Salome. And while she claims to be on a mission for Lilith, both she and her king are clearly more intoxicated by their mutual power than they are by this “religious” mission. Their bloody influence is already expanding throughout our True Blood world – even Pam’s Fangtasia realm is threatened when a new, baby Goth Jared Leto vampire is selected to replace Eric as the Section 5 Sheriff and the ban on public feeding on humans is lifted. This surely isn’t helping to keep the Sanguinista duo grounded. It’s a story rife with political themes, but at least it comes in easy-to-digest little niblets.
When we travel back to Bon Temps, however, we find a socio-political explosion so bad, news reporters are even bringing the name Barack Obama into their speculative coverage of the race war brewing in the small Louisiana town. Three storylines converge (thank heavens — it was getting crowded in here) when Sookie goes searching for information about her parents’ death and winds up in the middle of the hate group’s (now referred to as the Obamas, thanks to their disguise of choice) tirade as Sheriff Dearborn’s kidnap victim.
As Sookie’s being thrown into the pig pen alongside an unconscious Hoyt, Andy and Jason find the Obamas’ website, a righteous explosion of hate, pulling from many of the excuses rattled off by U.S. Border vigilante militia: “These darned supernaturals are stealing our jobs and our money,” namely. And, to drive that point home, the perps are wearing Obama masks to prove that their mission is truly for the good of America — or it’s irony, or they’re just masks and we should all stop trying to figure it out as Jason (accidentally) wisely said. The site also provides videos of the group’s various evil deeds, like roasting vampires alive in the sun, and claiming it will make their “Dragon” proud. The group is using an authority model akin to that of the Klu Klux Klan, and when we find that ex-Sheriff Dearborn’s mistress Sweetie (the large Cheeto-eating woman Luna smelled when they rescued Jessica) is the Dragon, she drops some more ridiculous hate on us. “We can’t let them convert all the children to their shifter ways,” declares Sweetie. Well, as we know. You’re born a shifter, it’s not something you pick up at summer camp. Just like that, this hate group is a catch-all metaphor for general intolerance against other races and other lifestyles — which would be a great use of real world context if it felt like it had any real direction.
Next: True Blood's political troubles.And that’s where the series gets in trouble — especially with Sweetie’s declaration that shifters could somehow transfer their shifter-status to innocent little kids after her group’s site situated itself in the border-debate. The writers are grabbing us by the neck and slapping us in the face with it: see, this is how ridiculous it is that we’re having a debate about gay rights in this country. Also, intolerance against immigrants is bad. The series is showing us that our real life set of intolerant folks sounds just as ridiculous as these hateful crazies. And even though, to some extent, the writers have a point, dressing up the intolerant side as a band of directionless crazies isn’t helping us win any debates. It’s just placating us for being on the right side of the debate, which is why True Blood should probably dial it back a smidge and leave the explicit writing for its sex scenes.
The good news is that this storyline may in fact be wrapping up, or at least merging with the biggest storyline: the vampires are taking over the world, as Claude the fairy claims. Luna and Sam tell Andy and Jason they smelled pig droppings at the Obamas’ house when they found Jessica, and Jason turns this into actual police work and figures out that Dearborn and his Lady Dragon are at his ex-wife’s farm. There, they find Hoyt and Sookie, and Jason tends to them while Luna and Sam execute their (actually) naked rage on the Obamas. They may feel better now that they’ve caught their tormentors, but they’ll surely have another bout of rage when they learn that Russell wrested puppy Emma from granny Martha.
We’re still not sure if Hoyt is alright, because we leave off with Jason trying to wake him up — if Hoyt is dead, Jason and Jessica are surely going to spend the next few episodes blaming themselves and their raging lust for sending their friend down this path. Jessica and Jason’s strange, uncertain dynamic has been one of the more interesting threads this season, and this guilty wrench is upping the ante. Besides, with Sookie all independent and Bill and Eric smooching Sanguinistas, we need a supernatural sexual entanglement to latch onto.
Finally, we’ve got Terry’s fire monster nonsense, which isn’t as political as a story tied to the war in Afghanistan should be. But boy is it completely useless. Thankfully, after Lafayette did his best Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost impression last week (and then referenced that movie this week and made it all worth it), we’ve witnessed the merge and cleanup of some very inconvenient plot lines. For starters, Lafayette is back to being a hilarious sidekick with some handy powers (like talking to Sookie’s Gran to help her solve the mystery of her parents’ murder). More importantly, Patrick (Scott Foley) is dead. Finally. I can’t even be upset at how abruptly it happened because it needed to happen to keep me from tearing my hair out for the rest of the season.
Terry finally mans up and kills Patrick when the terrible Army sergeant kidnaps Arlene and threatens her life until Terry agrees to be the spilled blood to ward off the Ifrit. Suddenly, Patrick has a wife and kids – something he failed to mention this entire time — and he uses them as an excuse for Terry acting as the martyr. Basically, Patrick is a babbling psycho, and for that he must die. Arlene and Terry pull a few craft punches and wind up holding Patrick in suspense — and at gunpoint — while Terry waits for the Afghani woman to appear to him and bless the murder. She does, Terry kills his old friend, and the Ifrit swallows up the body. Bing, bang, boom. Now let’s just hope we’re not treated to the Terry mope-athon for the next three episodes, because this feeling of freedom from Stories We Don’t Care About will have been completely wasted.
And speaking of things being wasted, why is Alcide spending the entire episode driving to Jackson to see his Lone Wolf of a father? Alcide is one of the most compelling characters on the series, yet we’ve spent all season worrying about Terry and his tormentor stolen out of a Lost episode.
Thankfully, however, True Blood is starting to resemble a sense-making series again. If all goes as planned, all that’s left to solve is the giant supernatural war a-brewing (piece of cake, right?), Sookie’s parents’ murder, and the mystery surrounding Alcide’s lack of shirtless scenes this week.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
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'True Blood' Recap: Russell Edgington Forever

It’s been a long time coming - and a few miscellaneous human lives sacrificed — to get Russell Edgington (Denis O’Hare) back to his original glory, but he’s back and in full effect. Just last week, we left him with his hand wrapped around a stake piercing Roman’s (Chris Meloni) heart. But his 3,000 years and menacing manner shouldn’t fool you. Russell is still a full-fledged character with goals and feelings — even if some of those feelings involve getting sexually aroused by feeding on humans - just ask O’Hare, who took time out of his rehearsal schedule for Sondheim in the Park’s Into the Woods in which he plays opposite “the salty little thing” Amy Adams, to talk True Blood with Hollywood.com.
“He just kind of wants to be left alone,” reasons O’Hare. He says his character isn’t just a blanket villain — there’s depth there. And as we witnessed last week, Russell isn’t about to get involved in this vampire bi-partisan battle. He’s just out for blood and lust - you know, the usual “funtime” activities. “Russell will stick around until he’s not having fun, and then he’ll split,” O’Hare adds.
But while he’s having fun, will he find time to mend his broken heart? Back in Season 3, Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) killed Russell’s live-in boyfriend and lovable character Talbot, but it’s been over a year, it’s time for the oldest vampire around to let go and move on. And it truly is. “We shot a flirtation,” says O’Hare. “By episode seven or eight you’ll see. It’s an affair, and we all know the character.” Could it be the former reverend, current vampire PR wiz Steve Newland (Michael McMillian) that manages to tame Russell’s wild heart in the wake of Jason’s (Ryan Kwanten)? O’Hare wouldn’t say, but we’ve got a hunch we could be on the right path.
He was a little more forthcoming regarding Russell’s relationship with Eric. “He and Eric have always had an odd relationship,” says O’Hare. And it seems their ideas are more in line than Eric might like to admit. During “Hopeless” Eric tells Roman he’s not on his side or the side of the Sanguinistas, he’s a “pacifist.” Likewise, Russell tells Roman that he thinks both sides of the Mainstream/Sanguista divide are hypocrites - he just drinks blood because he loves it. After the Authority has but Eric through the ringer, and he’s witnessed so much double-crossing between the two sides - including whoever facilitated Russell’s Houdini act - perhaps their mutual hate of the faux-righteous battle will serve as some middle ground.
And while the potential thawing of Eric’s icy view towards Russell is an interesting thought, the fate of Roman is a little more pressing. At the end of “Hopeless” Russell’s iStake malfunctions and he overtakes Roman in order to shove a stake in his heart, but Roman doesn’t explode the way every other staked vampire has in the history of this show - he simply turns grey. Could that mean he makes it?
Well, that’s not so clear. “Roman was so ancient and so powerful,” explains O’Hare. But we weren’t the only ones confused upon first seeing the scene. “I remember reading it and going ‘So what’s the deal? Is he dead? I stake him? But, really, you’ll just have to wait until Sunday,” he teases. Either way, Roman’s could-be demise is unprecedented on the series.
O’Hare left us with that looming question before delving back into New York rehearsals, the tease has already done its worst. Sunday’s answer to the Roman cliffhanger and Russell’s next big move cannot come soon enough.
True Blood airs Sunday night at 9 PM ET on HBO and Into The Woods starts July 23 in New York’s Central Park.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler.
[Image: HBO]
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Russell Edgington Returns

For the first time this season on So You Think You Can Dance, we got a chance to check in with faces we recognized rather than strangers. Yes, ladies and gents: It was time for the most dramatic Vegas Week ever. Or, you know, this year.
It was time to truly step up as a star. Four days of non-stop drama, non-stop Broadway and jazz and hip-hop and ballroom and groups, and at the end of it all, we would finally—finally!— have our Top 20 finalists. And, in the process, we got to be reunited with four guest judges from this season, including Debbie Allen, Tyce Diorio, Adam Shankman and Lil C. Sadly, Jesse Tyler Ferguson was nowhere to be found. (Instead, gearing up for a probably Emmy nomination?)
The Exorcist was first up in Vegas. AH! I was so excited I couldn't breathe. I had been waiting for weeks to see this man again. His solo was even better the second time around, maybe Adam Shankman and Tyce Diorio’s tears helped boosted the drama of the situation. What a way to start the night! By the way, Hampton Williams is his real name. Fun fact! I never knew that.
Next up was Janelle Isis, the hip-hoppy belly dancer. Despite the fact that I was worried her giant golden skirt was going to eat her (so did she, apparently, because she discarded it mid-routine), I enjoyed her just as much this time around as I did back during the preliminaries. This girl has Top 20 written all over her. (A sight dirty old Uncle Nigel would likely enjoy seeing.)
After a very brief montage, we were informed that 1/4 of the field was cut during solos, but we didn't see any faces except for our Selena Gomez-loving martial arts hip hopper. Darn. I liked him, too. We were quickly shuffled along to hip-hop (Nigel is on a schedule here, people), where Comfort and Twitch promised to leave our contestants on the verge of cardiac arrest by the time they were ready to perform.
Then, the worst thing in the world happened: The Exorcist quit midway through the choreography. I. Was. Devastated. This season is now empty for me.
Alas, the show must go on, and it did. Many more of our specialists excused themselves as the choreography got too tough and too fast to handle. We even said goodbye to Andre, one of the guys from super awesome Alabama hip-hop crew Dragonhouse. Unlike The Exorcist, he excused himself without telling the judges. #classy
In the first group to perform for the judges, Andre’s crew-mate Boris was cut for falling short in what should've been his specialty. Oh well. At least he tried, unlike his buddy. Another casualty was the praying mantis guy from Salt Lake City. Can’t say I was upset about that one, though like-minded Sonya Tayeh likely was.
At the end of the hip-hop round, 97 contestants remained, including Cyrus, the one (and best) member of Dragonhouse still standing. After much deliberation, the judges decided to let him continue. Hooray!
NEXT: Tyce is disgusted. You won’t like Tyce when he’s disgusted. Or ever.Day 2 meant Broadway time, and the contestants were subjected to Tyce, who fed them a story about being in a club at 2 a.m. and drinking bad water and suddenly being infected with lust. And, cue music!
Midway through the round, we were reintroduced to Alexa Anderson, a Season 8 finalist who was the very last person cut in Vegas last year. The judges’ complaint: She was too stoic. Tyce looked disgusted as he watched every group during this round, but it reached a new level with Alexa. As the judges deliberated on her group’s performance, Adam paused to rip her an (unprovoked) new one in front of everyone for being "dead". On the inside? On the outside? He said he was sick of saving her and that she needed to start dancing like she wants this. That wasn’t over-the-top at all.
Nevertheless, the dramatics were all for show and she wasn't cut — yet.
Twenty-three more were sent packing at the end of the Broadway round, and then it was right on to jazz. (Sidenote: American Idol could learn a thing or two from this show about how to keep things moving.) The 82 left were turned over to Sonya, who urged our contestants to fight for their right to stay. Particularly defeated, at this point, was hip hopper Shafeek, who began throwing a tantrum midway through the choreography, walking around in circles and muttering that the routine was stupid. His partner, Danielle Dominguez — better known as bacon girl — couldn’t do anything to help him and instead chose to focus on her love for Sonya and her choreography. Also performing for the judges in this group was Rachel, the crazy burlesque girl from Salt Lake City whose goal in life is to resemble Blake Lively in The Town as closely as possible.
When the group finished, Nigel verbally assaulted Shafeek for showing that he messed up, and unsurprisingly, he was cut for attitudinal reasons. Rachel, however, was cut for being unpolished, but did that annoying begging-for-a-second-chance thing contestants tend to do on Simon Fuller shows. The difference is, on this one, they’re allowed to do it. All of the judges except Nigel and Adam voted to give her a chance to dance for her life.
Then, in a dramatic a twist of fate, Danielle Bacon Girl went back onstage to fill in and dance the female choreography, since more girls had been cut than guys. She was rewarded with a kick to the head, courtesy of her partner. He was understandably cut, and Danielle was evaluated by paramedics, who loaded her into an ambulance and took her away. Dun dun dun. To be continued…
One person I was not excited to see again was the very first contestant we encountered this season: Amelia, the wannabe silent movie star. She was ready to bite into the jazz like it was a “juicy steak.” Fortunately, to save the situation, Cyrus was also in her group.
NEXT: No more drama. As usual, the judges looked displeased watching them, and Amelia was sent on to the dance-for-your-life holding pen while Cyrus was the victim of a fake-out —Sonya told him he was in serious need of some contemporary dance classes before sending him through anyway. Hallelujah!
In the dance for your life special at the day’s end, Rachel promised to stay true to her burlesque style — oh joy — and she wore Tom Cruise’s Risky Business outfit while writhing around to “It’s a Man’s World.” I didn’t know there was anything that could make me dislike that song after what Joshua Ledet did to it, but I was mistaken. Did this girl do anything but strip and unbutton her shirt? Seriously. Apparently, all of the judges agreed with me. She got unanimous no’s for being all sex and no action.
Next up was Amelia, who made Adam cry, and at that moment I knew I would not yet be rid of her. To her credit, though, she was very good. Her balance and her technique were spectacularly on point, even if I still wasn’t a fan of her ridiculous “acting.” Every judge sent her though with rave reviews except Nigel, who was still skeptical that she could dance any routine that wasn’t choreographed by her.
Finally, it was time for the group round. Drama! The groups would pick a piece of music at random from a giant black bin of doom and have all night to work on a routine, and in a much-appreciated twist, they were allowed to pick their own groups of five or six.
First up on Day 3 was a group featuring our friend Danielle, who recovered from her head trauma after eight hours in the hospital. She was a late addition to one benevolent group, which had to start from scratch after spending two hours working together. They called it quits at about 4 a.m., and bright and early the next morning, they performed their routine to “Somebody I Used to Know,” which was disturbingly out of sync. Nigel told them point blank they were terrible. He said they should all be sent home, but of course he wouldn’t do that — and in a surprising twist of fate, he only cut Danielle and some other guy. A kick to the head and that’s how you repay her?
Midway through the day, the High Schoolers — four guys and pink-haired ballerina Audrey — were up, performing a prom-themed routine to a super-slow version of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody.” Though our female ballet dancer was clearly the star, her supporting cast was pretty impeccable. Tyce told them they were one of the best groups thus far and Nigel called them genius, particularly Audrey. All of them advanced.
The last group up featured three dancers who had previously made it to the end of Vegas Week — Alexa, of course, plus Dres from Season 8 and Adrian from Season 7. Alexa, in particular, was under pressure after suffering Adam’s verbal assault earlier in the week, and her group’s routine to “Glad You Came” provoked Tyce into making his homicidal-nausea face. Uh oh.
NEXT: Tyce is no longer enamored with beauty.Though Debbie said they were lovely, Tyce took another opportunity to destroy Alexa. He told her the lights were on but nobody was home and that he was no longer enamored with her beauty. Is this tough love or are these judges just a-holes? I hate it when they criticize people for not being loud and aggressive; homegirl can’t change her personality. The judges clapped for her when they finally made her cry — You finally showed emotion!, they cooed — which sent an excellent message to our viewers at home. And then, after all of the drama, the judges put all of them through.
In the second-to-last round of choreography — ballroom time — Jason Gilkison subjected the remaining guinea pigs to the Cha-cha. After jumping through so many hoops, Cyrus finally started doubting himself in this round, and it finally hurt him: Everyone in his group advanced, but he was relegated to dance-for-your-life purgatory.
Next up was a collection of contestants featuring Aubrey, our genius prom dancer from the group rounds. I swear she was wearing a bra and a tutu, but the judges didn’t seem to be bothered by that. They were, however, bothered by her lack of proficiency with the routine, and she was axed. It’s amazing how you can go from such a high high to such a low low on this show.
Alexa was under more pressure than anyone in this round, since this is where she crumbled last year. She finally came alive, prompting catcalls and euphoric cheers from the judges throughout the routine. Jason told her she was one of the best of the day and she was sent through with flying colors. Yay, she said in her internal Daria voice.
At the end of the round, Cyrus was ready to dance for his life. He was in the zone. Nerves were nonexistent, and his LeBron fire came out to play. The untrained street dancer did an excellent job of reminding the judges of what makes him so unique; now that The Exorcist is gone, there’s truly no one else who moves like him. He had his fellow contestants in the audience standing and screaming and pounding the seats in front of them, and yeah, me, too. He got unanimous yeses and didn’t smile once throughout the verdict. Totally LeBron in Game 7.
The remaining 52 dancers had just one more challenge to endure: contemporary with Travis Wall. They had one hour to learn the steps, and after Nigel told them they wouldn’t learn their fates until the end of the day, it was time to really dance for their lives.
We literally got about 30 seconds of footage of the actual dancing (there were no cuts, and therefore no reason to see any talent, obviously), and then it was judgment hour. One-third of the dancers were pushed through, including Amelia (yawn) and Cyrus (yay!). Another collection of contestants had to repeat the choreography so Nigel &amp; Co. could make some final decisions.
NEXT: SYTYCD’s answer to Symone Black.One of the on-the-fence candidates was Mariah Spears, the super-cool krumper from the Salt Lake City auditions. My heart was shattered even further when she was cut. First The Exorcist, now this? Dude.
With those cuts made, it was time for one final round of solos, and it was here that we received our token injury moment, SYTYCD’s answer to Symone Black, also known as the girl who fell off the stage during Hollywood Week on Idol. Contemporary specialist Joshua Alexander attempted to do a back flip and fell flat the floor, and after his spotter (good job, bud) nervously mumbled, “He’s not moving,” we heard someone off-camera yell, “Call a medic!” The closest camera guy thought about it — he reached into his pocket for his phone — then abandoned the idea in the name of getting some quality footage. What would we viewers do without these intrepid photogs?
We were left hanging with regards to his fate as Alexa took the stage in the main auditorium. While she performed a haunting classical-contemporary hybrid routine, Debbie mumbled, “This child could win.”
The last contestant of the night was the Robin Thicke lookalike from Week 1, whose classical choreography and interspersed acrobatics made the judges ooh and ahh like they were watching someone play with a ring of fire without burning himself. Legitimately. It was like we were watching Olympic dancing. Robin Thicke received a well-deserved standing O.
As all of the boys were corralled back onstage at Nigel’s command for one last round of cuts, we said goodbye to was Adrian, our Season 7 vet, who was the very last person cut two years ago. Then, it was time for the girls, and we bid farewell to… no one! All the girls would remain in the running for next week’s final final cuts.
And at the end of Vegas Week, we’re down to 35. Who are you pulling for in next week’s top 20 announcement show? Whose departure devastated you? How eager are you to learn of the unfortunate backflipper’s fate?
[Image Credit: FOX]
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