Do Chamach Cheeni De Dena – (Sounds More Like Allah Ke Naam Pe Kuch De De Baba!)

No matter how rich, affluent or self sustained our neighbors are there isn’t a week when you’ll not find them borrowing or asking for things which they can easily trip down to the market and get it on their own. Yes, do chamach cheeni, ek aloo, aadha tamatar and even Jaman (that pinch of curd required to make curd). No, they won’t ever remember borrowing it, so don’t expect any returns from them.

Will grab every chance to bore you with painful and long stories of the goings on in the housing society …

Their Constant Worry – What’s Going on, With You & “X” Person?

No, they are least bothered with what’s happening in their house but they are happy to snitch to your mom about what time you arrived last night or comment on how many “good friends” you have.

They have eyes in the back of their heads so you can’t do this even in the privacy of your own balcony without “over friendly” uncle watching …

Snooping Is Their Birth Right

The moment your voice goes a bit high in your bedroom, they are in your house. Your brother playing video games in the next room might not know, but your neighbors are sure to run and bang the door bell with a big “Kya Hua – Whattttt Happened???” face. No, they are not really interested in your woes, it is just that until they snoop in your house, their food doesn’t digest, the way it should.

Gossip, Gossip & Gossip

Their first sentence starts with, “Pata Hai (Do you know)………” and there last sentence would be “…….Acha Kisiko Bata Na Nahi (Ok, Now don’t tell it to anybody). Guess what, they will tell this not just to you but the entire colony where you live.

Emotional Blackmail Is Their Favoured M.O

Never tell your neighbors that you are good in so and so subjects, because the moment they know they will send their kids for a free teaching session. Beta, thoda padha do (please, teach them). And, if this continues, trust me you will become their permanent Bakra. You will have no life other than teaching your neighboring kids, and that too for free!

The Constant “We Are A Family” Behavior

Expect them in times of need and their will be a big lock on their door. However, rest of the times they will be busy ordering you with a notion that “We Are A Family.” For instance, if you are going to certain place in your vehicle you are expected to drop them on your way. Worst, the moment they smell you are moving out, they’ll run and ask you, “Beta, Kahan Jaa Rahe Ho – Where are You Going?” and then their demand pops up –“Beta, Aate Wakt Zaara Bread Le Aana”

The Never Ending Jealousy

Get yourself a LED TV and they will make sure that they buy better, bigger and from a brand which might outclass yours. In addition, the same thing goes with the apartment’s flooring, furniture and even painting and decoration of the house. It is no surprise to see renovation in your neighbors house when you plan yours.

No One Else Can Teach You The Real Meaning of “Competition” Other Than A Neighbor

Irritating neighbors have a weird trait of being competitive. They cannot bear the fact that a kid in your house manages an IIT, IIM, IAS seat and their kids could not. Well, it’s no big deal as long as the kid in their house manages a VJTI, Jamnalal Bajaj and other premium colleges. But, they make the life of their kid hell just because of your success.

Worst, they are not sad because of their failure, it is only your success that makes them gloomy. Moreover, they will force their kids to give TOEFL, IELTS, ACT, GRE or SAT just because you aim to study abroad.

They Want to Get Introduced to Your Guest, Especially the One Who They Smell As Rich

The moment there is any party in your house or a family/friends get to gather, these nosy neighbors are sure to pop in, either with an excuse of asking the phone number of the plumber or returning the some borrowed stuff. They make sure they even get themselves introduced. I’m not sure the motive behind this act, perhaps some people just love making random connection. In addition, if they have a young girl for whom they are looking a bridegroom they will eat your head with the constant, “Baat Chalao Naa Please..”

Can You Baby Sit My Kid?

This is the worst of all the annoying and irritating habits. For all those neighbors who ask their poor neighbors to baby sit their kids every alternate days – All I need to say is, please do not catch our hands when we give you our fingers. Wait, what I meant was – “Ungli Diya Toh Haath Pakdoge Kya?”

By: Deepti Verma

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