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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

First Sentence Critiques

Summer is winding down which means the publishing world will soon be returning to their desks, reading those queries, partials, or fulls, and responding. If you're getting ready to go out on submission or are already out and waiting for a response then you need to make sure you're ready. An outstanding first sentence is a must, followed by an outstanding first paragraph, followed by an outstanding first page, you get the picture. But it all starts with that first sentence. What you learn by developing it, you can apply to your entire manuscript.

We at the critique sisters would like to live up to our name and help you critique your first sentence until it is outstanding. So what makes an outstanding first sentence? It must hook the reader's attention and then reel them in, getting them to read on. An extra set of experienced eyes is invaluable, and that's what we want to be for you.

We'd love to help everyone, and hopefully eventually we can, but for now we'll start with the first three people who would like help with their first sentence. Leave us a comment letting us know you'd like help, include a little about your novel (one sentence or two at most, it doesn't have to be pretty) and then leave your first sentence as well. Next Wednesday I'll post the first three sentences and open it up for feedback from our readers (constructive criticism only please). The Wednesday after that I'll post the three sentences with feedback from each critique sister.

11 comments:

Oh, yes please! GEMMA UP-OVER is a YA about a girl who goes to Australia to hike after her dad dies and finds out the mom she thought was her mom isn't at all. Her mom is Australian and her dad was going to introduce them when they hiked!

First sentence:

Maybe if I was wearing something that said “My dad just died and all I got was this lousy T-shirt” people would know to let me bypass all the lines and just go on my merry way.

I'm game. Foxtrot is a novel about a girl who's name is no longer her own. She must decide whether to give up her old identity in order to maintain her government mandated life or hold on the shreds that are left of her old life.

First sentence: I shift uneasily on the old wooden bench, waiting for the sunrise to give me back a sense of color.

Yes me too! Would love feedback. The main protagonist is a nine year old girl. My novel takes place in Italy during the late 50's.

Why were her mother and sister doing laundry today of all days, the last day of St. Rocco's feast? (In italics) Sunday mornings were always loud and noisy at her house. She hadn't heard Grazia's high-pitched voice insistently asked her mother's opinion on what to wear to church while desperately rummaging through their meager downstairs closet and her brothers weren't fightng over the bathroom like they usually did.

A I also have a short story"What should he do? Pete kneeled next to the badly injured motorcyclist, trying to remember what he was taught during the first-aid course he took so long ago, when his daughter was just born.

Apologies. I'm using my blackberry which makes my entering comments very trecherous. I didnt notice you specifically asked for novel openings and not short stories but once I entered it I could delete it amd I didn't want to lose my place in line. Thanks in advance!

Fantastic, we've got our three from Joy, Dora, and Grechen! Thank you for participating ladies. I'll post your sentences next Wednesday and invite reader feedback while the critique sisters work on them.

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Most writers struggle to maintain equilibrium in their writing life. We find that both intense solitude and enthusiastic networking are necessary to success. It's a little crazy. Curiously, we are not willing to give up this crazy life. We need help. Not to give anything up, but to make it easier.

This blog is meant to be a writers' resource, to identify and delve into the elements that help us achieve equilibrium and success. Each Monday I'll post on Writer's Craft or Practical Tools—the keys to writing and pitching a great story. Previously I’ve covered topics including News & Views, People to Know, and Creative Energy. You can access those posts by clicking on the white topic headings above. While the posts will dip back into those pools when something irresistible comes up, for the most part I’m now zeroing in on the primary requirement we all must meet to become published . . . writing a great book. I hope these posts are useful and that you'll leave comments and ask questions so we can indulge in one of our favorite writerly things—a dialogue.

About Me

I'm a writer who lives in the Pacific Northwest of the U.S. and loves to travel. I write mystery/suspense and historical fiction. One suspense novel, set in London and Cairo, is now on submission, while I delve into the struggle for survival that shaped the undeclared war between Native Americans and white American settlers in the Ohio River Valley in the late 1700s.