Note: I post this reminder at least once a year to remind homeschooling parents of the myriad benefits of this cathartic exercise. But it’s a helpful skill for any parent. This is the 2012 edition.

If you are a homeschooling parent—or are otherwise at home with a bunch of small children—and it’s beginning to occur to you that there’s no way out, that there is no escape, and that your life will forever be defined by dropped pencils, dirty dishes in the sink, and angst over schoolwork, I have a cathartic exercise for you. I’ve done this for years.

It has mad me a more contented person.

First, you need to dig deep and find Jack Nicholson’s character in “A Few Good Men“. Do that for a moment. I’ll wait.

Next, you need to practice belting out his famous line, “You can’t HANDLE the truth!”

Go ahead. Let it out. I mean, really belt it. Use your diaphragm.

Now, you need to apply this same line—and tone—to whatever trying situation in which you find yourself, preferably in answer to some kind of plea or demand from members of your family.

EXCEPT…

…You need to customize the word “Truth” to fit your circumstances.

Examples:

Mommy? I can’t find my pencil.

You can’t HANDLE the pencil!

Mama? How do you spell ‘friend’?

You can’t HANDLE the friend!

Mom, what’s for lunch?

You can’t HANDLE the lunch!
Mother, can I have a snack?

You can’t HANDLE the snack!

***Note that it’s extremely important that you yell these responses with every bit of the gusto Colonel Jessup did.**

The real beauty of this cathartic exercise is that it really can be used in any of life’s circumstances, any time you feel like releasing a little frustration and fighting back against the establishment.

Honey, I’m home.

You can’t HANDLE the home!

I’m going to need you to have these reports ready by Wednesday’s board meeting.

You can’t HANDLE the board meeting!

It’s the plumber. I’ve come to fix your sink.

You can’t HANDLE the sink!

Mama, where are my boots?

You can’t HANDLE the boots!

The very best part is watching the reaction of those around you. They just sort of stand there.

Shelly G On Saturday, March 31 at 9:06 am

Sandi On Saturday, March 31 at 9:26 am

This will be playing in my head throughout the day… but the voice accuses me!
Navigating the laundry room: “You can’t handle the laundry room!”
Facing the stacks on my desk: “You can’t handle your desk!”
Responding to an AP physics inquiry: “You can’t handle the physics!”
Then I will think of you again, Ree, and say, “Help me Rhonda!”

6

Drina On Saturday, March 31 at 9:39 am

My oldest is four, and I’m just beginning this homeschool adventure. I think this is the best advice I’ve gotten so far.

7

Susan On Saturday, March 31 at 9:39 am

That is one movie that I will stop and watch that particular scene if I’m channel hopping – if Jack Nicholson is on the witness stand – I’m right there. “You WANT me on that wall, you NEED me on that wall…!!!” Priceless!

Marcie On Saturday, March 31 at 10:08 am

Valerie On Saturday, March 31 at 11:09 am

Brilliant!!!

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jennifer On Saturday, March 31 at 11:28 am

while i don’t homeschool….yet. having being a stay at home mom this will come in very handy. i’ve been looking for some new strategies in dealing with the gremmies. i will be sharing this gem with my sister as well. thank you ree!

Having just started homeschooling our 12 year old boy (the 7yo will come home in June) I kinda feel like it’s someone shouting that at me. You can’t HANDLE the homeschooling!! Ugh. But we will persevere. The alternative is much worse.

Thanks for a giggle Ree. A much needed one sometimes.

xx

14

Debbie H. On Saturday, March 31 at 11:52 am

Wait a sec…. did you sneak a Sesame Street reference in there too”

“It’s the plumber. I’ve come to fix the sink.”

My 40+ year old brain remembers a Sesame St. “bit” where there’s a knock at the door and a parrot says “who is it?” And a voice on the other side of the door says, “It’s the plumber, I’ve come to fix the sink.”. And of course, no one answers the door, so this dialog is repeated over and over until the plumber gets so frustrated and looses his mind or something,

Doesn’t sound so funny now, but to my 5 year old mind, it was high comedy!

Jess On Sunday, April 1 at 8:14 am

Jennie R.C. On Saturday, March 31 at 12:10 pm

That was cool. I posted on Facebook: “Another interesting morning in the ___ household, puking the least of it.” Then my friend from California said: “We need photos” and I answered, and you’d be proud, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE PHOTOS.”

Melanie Broderick On Saturday, March 31 at 3:19 pm

Oh my! I can’t stop laughing. As I am typing this response my daughter is asking for a sandwich (I’m cooking supper, she does this everytime). I sighed then remembered and belted out “You can’t handle a sandwich.” Her eyes got big and she just walked away. Haha, priceless!!!

21

Rebecca On Saturday, March 31 at 4:00 pm

to the growing yard…”You can’t handle the mower!”

22

Michelle W. On Saturday, March 31 at 4:29 pm

I’m TOTALLY going to try this as soon as my husband wakes up and asks for breakfast (You can’t HANDLE the breakfast!)

Our son is on the transplant ward (doing great by the way! Woot!) and I will apply this to the next few nurses who come in:
“Have you done his mouth care yet?”
“You can’t HANDLE the mouth care!”
“Have you done the accapella yet?”
“You can’t HANDLE the acapella!!”
“Have you done the sitz bath?”
“You can’t HANDLE the sitz bath!!!”
Though I may not have the courage to belt this to our nurses, I will definitely be giggling about it the rest of the day! Thanks Ree!

24

MaryG On Saturday, March 31 at 6:04 pm

I read this and all I could think was “You watched the Electric Company!”

I’ve read this at least three times… and every single time I see that face now… I laugh!!
I used that on my daughter with her fear of Bee’s shortly after I read it the first time…
and I have been a follower ever since!! =) It applies to EVERYTHING! =)

right now…

I CAN’T HANDLE your new cook book!! =)
My head is spinning … what to cook first!! =)

Dear Ree,
Ha! Thank you so much for introducing me to this line… when I first read your blog years ago now, it was the first time I had heard it… Now when it pops into my mind as a proper response to any number of situations I can’t help but giggle inside and think fondly of you!

Love,
R

27

Captain Obvious On Saturday, March 31 at 11:45 pm

I’ve wanted to do this for a while…I plan to start it on April Fool’s Day!!!

28

Phoebe On Sunday, April 1 at 7:48 am

HAHAH that was so funny, made my night!

29

Trisha Cavin On Sunday, April 1 at 9:22 am

Bahahahahahaha!! I am hiding from my 3 kids in my room with my coffee to see what is new on PW. I LOVE IT!!!

I have 3 kids ages 5 and under and I homeschool my brother who is 17. I was homeschooled in high school so I didn’t think it would be a big deal but SHEESH! I am so worn out. I am SO going to do this…maybe in public.

30

Marsha in KS On Sunday, April 1 at 10:00 am

THANK YOU! I’m a stay at home mom to a toddler. A boy toddler, who thinks the furniture is a jungle gym… and my husband just asked me to clean his dress uniform (He’s Navy) I’m really about to yell: YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE UNIFORM!!!

32

Laura Alvarez On Sunday, April 1 at 3:14 pm

What a coincidence!! Yesterday, my 15 year old daughter asked for about the 385th time if she could have a Facebook account and I said, “You can’t handle Facebook!!!”

33

KaraLo On Sunday, April 1 at 5:41 pm

I love this!! This made me laugh so hard. My homeschool career begins this fall – and I’m sure I’ll be using this to de-stress from time to time! Thanks!

Girlfriend, ya crack this Ozark Farm Chick up and ya know what??? I CAN’T HANDLE ANY MORE WRINKLES!!!!

Anybody got any Spackle??? Heeehehehehe! :o)

Hope ya’ll have had a fantastically blessed and beautiful Sunday afternoon straight from the happy hills and hollers of the Missouri Ponderosa!!!

35

Misty On Sunday, April 1 at 8:40 pm

ROFL!!!! I loved this last year. Amazingly every time you put this up its at the exact right time when I need a good laugh after a hard week. My husband just yelled from the shower if I could get him a razor. Guess what DH, “You can’t handle the razor!” He has no clue what’s going on and all I can do is just sit here and laugh. LOVE IT!

36

Tonya Scarborough On Monday, April 2 at 12:38 am

Thanks for the reminder Ree. I think this useful technique might finally rub off on me.

Julie from Texas On Monday, April 2 at 8:33 pm

This is hysterical. I am belly laughing which is such wonderful therapy in itself.

I’m definitely going to use this. Both of my kids have seen “A Few Good Men” and know that whole scene. I think they’ll crack up. A light heart makes good medicine. (King Solomon, somewhere in Proverbs.)

The only line that comes to me when my kids act like they know everything is

“LISTEN KID, I’M A LAWYER! I SPENT NINE YEARS IN COLLEGE! I USED TO WEAR MASCARA! AND NICE CLOTHES! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!”

When I first said it I stuttered because I was so frustrated. They were a bit shocked at my tone, but they KNOW that I’d never go back to my law practice when I can hang out with them. Then the three of us cracked up because it was such a stupid thing to say. They’ll often remind each other “you know, mom’s a LAWYER so she knows more than you.”

I can’t wait until I can use this. This new idea will go into our Family Thankfulness journal as soon as I have the chance to use it for the first time.

Love,
Laura

Julie from Texas On Tuesday, April 3 at 10:45 am

YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE FAMILY THANKFULNESS JOURNAL!!!….. *wink* Good for you for putting family first. I gave up my work as an RN to be a stay-at-home homeschooling mom and never have regretted it for a moment.

42

Joy On Tuesday, April 3 at 10:08 am

This is the best advice I’ve heard in a long time and I can’t wait to get started. Hopefully it will get me motivated as a homeschool teacher……..I really need a good jolt. Thank you for your wonderful sense of humur. (Did I spell that correctly it looks wrong.) Ole well.

43

VICKI S. On Tuesday, April 3 at 8:49 pm

You crack me up….HYSTERICAL.

44

Mrs. E On Tuesday, April 3 at 10:16 pm

Loved this. Thanks for the laugh. I hope to use this as soon as possible

Find the Pioneer Woman on:

Charlie has a brand new children's book out, and it's all about the day a new calf comes into the world! She sleeps in Charlie's bed, hogs all the attention...and hilarity ensues. Hope you and your kiddos enjoy the book!