Just because he honors his financial commitments does not make him a nice guy. It does make your life easier as many X's don't pay or try and use money as leverage and/or control. Yet because he does pay what he should does not negate his actions. Nor should he be put on a pedestal for doing what's right and legal. JMHO

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 6851 | Registered: Nov 2007

ninebark ♀ 24534Member # 24534

Posted: 8:28 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013

Just because he honors his financial commitments does not make him a nice guy

I don't believe I ever called him a nice guy in that post. Although He isn't a monster, he fucked up royally and is now paying for it.

Nor should he be put on a pedestal for doing what's right and legal

WHOA! I never put him on any sort of pedestal, I think you are reading way too much into things.

I watch my friends who are single mom's struggle for every cent, and every visitation. I read stories here about ex WS' making their lives miserable when they separate or divorce.
What I am saying is that I am happy and willing to give him credit for being a man and fullfilling his requirements, and as I said before I wish he would have put the same dilligence and thought into our marriage.

It would be so easy for me to sit here and run him down for everything he has done, and give in to all my anger and bitterness. But I chose not to do that, I am choosing to focus on the positive. He is very far removed from perfect but at least he is trying for a change.

I get it; he's not making your life easier, he's just not making as sucky as it could be. Sometimes you just have to thank heaven for small favors.

In reality, he's probably doing it to make himself feel better--he can say to himself "I'm not such a jerk." Self-serving, and probably a KISA? Sounds like the X; he calls me like clockwork every month to tell me he's deposited the money he owes me in my account. He also helped me with my move. None of that negates his asshattery; I'll never forget him screaming that he'd move to Mexico before he'd pay me spousal support (after 30+ years of M and nursing him through 3 life-threatening incidents.) Bleh.

This is XWH's only real redeeming factor. He is extremely involved with both kids (now young adults).
He spends freely on the kids and I never have to ask twice for his half of extra kid-related expenses.

He's still an asshat though.

Me - 44
DD(23), DS(20, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

Posts: 9592 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here and There

ninebark ♀ 24534Member # 24534

Posted: 8:34 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013

He is.a very self absorbed person but in his own self absorbed way he loves his son and will always take care of him financially. He is better on the visitation side of things, but I will never have to worry about him fighting for custody. Too much responsibility for him.

His parents have been very supportive, but they don't know he cheated. His mom was battling cancer when it happened and now his dad is quite ill. I see no reason to add this to their burden.

Okay I am rambling. My point is, I feel fortunate to be in a position where I don't hav to fight and claw for everything,, it is peaceful, and when I read the stories of some of my SI brothers and sisters, I don't take this for granted. My life could be so much worse and I feel good knowing that we can operate as parents even if we can't operate as spouses. .

happy that you are looking on the bright side and appreciating it. Being grateful is good for the soul!

I so believe this! I spent soooo long angry and hateful over what happened, one day I just woke up and said "enough of this crap". I was able to let it go and move on (ummm not that I don't have my moments, I have lots..ha ha).

now I spend all that energy that I used being angry and put it towards making myself happy.