What The Flicka? » Healthhttp://whattheflicka.com
Tue, 31 Mar 2015 16:52:29 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.16 Minute Ab Workouthttp://whattheflicka.com/6-minute-ab-workout/
http://whattheflicka.com/6-minute-ab-workout/#commentsSun, 11 May 2014 07:00:59 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=176276 minutes may sound like nothing, but you’ll really be feeling the burn after this workout! The good news is, you can fit it easily between taking the kids to school and heading to work, or between dinner and bed. It’s only six minutes!

6 minutes may sound like nothing, but you’ll really be feeling the burn after this workout! The good news is, you can fit it easily between taking the kids to school and heading to work, or between dinner and bed. It’s only six minutes!

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/6-minute-ab-workout/feed/0Conversations With My Breast Pump & Other Postpartum Taleshttp://whattheflicka.com/conversations-with-my-breast-pump-other-postpartum-tales/
http://whattheflicka.com/conversations-with-my-breast-pump-other-postpartum-tales/#commentsMon, 29 Apr 2013 12:00:51 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=9802I only have two regrets about telling my postpartum horror story on Episode 11 of ‘Storytime Hour with Erica & Jolenta’ 1) I failed to mention the messages my friends Paul and Rick left on my answering machine to and from my breast pump, respectively. 2) I didn’t read the following email I received from Read the full article...

1) I failed to mention the messages my friends Paul and Rick left on my answering machine to and from my breast pump, respectively.

2) I didn’t read the following email I received from another dear friend while I was in the depths of my postpartum despair:Hey Cynthia,

I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with all of that, but I can tell you with absolute honesty that I understand what you’re going thru (except for that whole unfortunate kitchen fiasco–that’s just adding insult to injury…).

If it’s any consolation, I too had HORRIBLE milk supply problems. Sara was screaming nonstop and was totally inconsolable. I knew that my c-section would delay my milk production, but I was unprepared for how tense the wailing baby would make me! Whether I was nursing or pumping, I felt like my boobs were on duty 24-7 for the first month. Sara screamed so much and for so long that we finally relented and gave her formula (which the lactation consultants made me feel like shit for doing). Long story short, my milk supply took a couple of months to really be effective and so Sara always got a bottle of formula each day to supplement my breast milk. I beat the crap out of myself for not being able to nurse exclusively and it took MONTHS for me to forgive myself and accept it. (I’m NOT suggesting that you should supplement with formula–that is ENTIRELY up to you. However, don’t let the Nipple Nazis make you feel like less of a woman if your supply isn’t up to par. Shit happens and Sadie is going to thrive no matter what.)

I don’t know if you’re dealing with any of this or not, but I had a pretty wicked case of the baby blues. I always thought that postpartum depression would manifest itself in freaky and obvious ways like wanting to shake the baby or crying all the time, but that’s not how it was for me. In retrospect, it’s totally obvious to me that I was a basket case, but at the time I was desperately trying to hold it all together. Not only did I feel like I might have made a HORRIBLE mistake in choosing to have a baby, but I felt additional guilt that it was MY idea and now I’d ruined my husband’s life too. I actually thought that maybe I should “do him a favor” and divorce him so he didn’t have to suffer the consequences of MY dumbass idea. Once you add in the healing problems I had with my incision and the outrageous hemorrhoids I had from pushing for 2.5 hours, I was a full-on disaster.

I’m sure this e-mail seems like it’s all about me, but please know that I’m sharing this in the spirit of sisterhood and solidarity. I have been there. It sucked ass. And I can tell you from experience that it will get better. I know you know this, but it never hurts to reiterate! When the dust clears, you guys will start to get some sleep, Sadie will fall into a more regular routine, the breastfeeding thing will work itself out, you will fit into your favorite jeans and you guys will start to get your life back. Until then, try to keep your sense of humor–that’s the only thing that will get you guys through to the other side. You’re almost there!

Call or write anytime if you need to vent.xoxoP

Other than those two omissions, I have no regrets. Hope you’ll give it a listen!

http://storytimehour.wordpress.com/2013/04/01/157/

P.S. Here’s a visual to look at while you’re listening. This is my kitchen, three weeks after my daughter was born.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/conversations-with-my-breast-pump-other-postpartum-tales/feed/1Dentally Compatiblehttp://whattheflicka.com/dentally-compatible/
http://whattheflicka.com/dentally-compatible/#commentsFri, 19 Apr 2013 17:00:01 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=9684I’m going to let you in on a little secret—I can get a little self conscious about my saliva production. My orthodontist used to call me “Saliva Woman.” I recently apologized to my dentist for producing too much saliva and his assistant said, “don’t worry, that’s actually good! Saliva helps fight off bacteria.” Good to Read the full article...

I’m going to let you in on a little secret—I can get a little self conscious about my saliva production. My orthodontist used to call me “Saliva Woman.” I recently apologized to my dentist for producing too much saliva and his assistant said, “don’t worry, that’s actually good! Saliva helps fight off bacteria.” Good to know!

I love my dentist’s office. It’s full of great energy and a staff that genuinely cares. So when someone told me some disturbing news about kissing, bacteria, and tooth decay, I decided to get to the bottom of it and interview my dentist and dental hygienist. I often think, “I don’t know where you mouth has been.” Is this not pertinent first date information? Who knows what sort of bacteria could be lurking in someone else’s mouth? What started out as a silly question for my dentist turned into a very informative dental visit.

Q: I was told that if I swap spit with someone with poor dental hygiene that the bacteria in their mouth can attack your teeth, causing decay.

A: Not exactly! Our bodies are made up of bacteria, and more harmful strains of bacteria can be introduced into your mouth. What you’re talking about is really in extreme cases only.

Q: Good—I don’t want to allow someone to have a hostile takeover of my mouth.Just to be clear, if I kiss someone with a dirty mouth, will I then in turn have a dirty mouth?

A: You can control your dental hygiene and influence your partner’s by helping them turn their dental hygiene around.

Q: Is there some sort of dental screening process that you can do?

A: A good dental exam is the key. If you really want to date someone, you probably shouldn’t ask these questions.

Q: What should I ask then?

A: Hey, I love my dentist. Who’s your dentist? I was just there—when was the last time you went?

Q: How do you know who has compatible and incompatible bacteria?

A: That’s getting too specific, you can’t really do that! With a normal person you’re not going to have to worry about that. You are carrying it into a crazy a level by asking for a bacteria test.

Q: Can I bring my dates in here and have you check their mouths?

A: Sure, if you can find someone willing to do it.

Q: Should poor dental hygiene be a deal breaker?

A: Don’t make it a deal breaker! There is a lot of fear and negative baggage in dental histories. A lot of things can be fixed with treatment and antibiotics. It’s a wonderful feeling if you meet someone who has had a bad experience dentally, and you’re able to be a positive influence and have a positive effect on his or her dental hygiene. If they’ve been afraid, then you can encourage and reassure them of the importance of seeing a dentist. A man’s dental health can be turned all around because of the influence of a good woman!

Q: Is it true that if you drink or eat things with sugar it’s like you’ve created a sugar marinade…on your teeth? I just imagine my teeth sitting in a sugar bath! (Marinade is what I call it; it’s not really a dental term).

A: Sugar changes your PH level. We’re at a neutral PH, but whenever we eat sugars in carbohydrates and sweetened drinks, they’re broken down quicker in the mouth, increasing the PH level into an acidic zone—and that’s how it starts. Digestion begins in the mouth with the breakdown of simple sugars which can be found in most of your sweets.

Q: I also heard that you shouldn’t “marinate” your teeth over long periods of time. Is that true?

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/dentally-compatible/feed/07 Signs You’re Entering Middle Agehttp://whattheflicka.com/7-signs-youre-entering-middle-age/
http://whattheflicka.com/7-signs-youre-entering-middle-age/#commentsSat, 13 Apr 2013 07:05:10 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=9490I was prepared to publish an intense, serious post on divorce today but just as I was about to click the publish button, another thought entered my head: To hell with that for now, let’s just have some fun and deal with the heavy tomorrow. So. In honor of the reliably loyal gray roots that return Read the full article...

I was prepared to publish an intense, serious post on divorce today but just as I was about to click the publish button, another thought entered my head: To hell with that for now, let’s just have some fun and deal with the heavy tomorrow.

So. In honor of the reliably loyal gray roots that return to me every 5 or 6 weeks, I share with you seven signs that lead me to believe I’m well on my way to earning middle age status:

1. When I acquired my first pair of glasses, I spent a month or more in denial, finding excuses not to wear those sexy specs. It made me light-headed. I could see better without them. I even demanded a retest of my vision. I never thought I’d miss the days of boasting about 20/20 vision. Now, I can’t see a thing without my cheaters.

2. I used to add highlights to my hair. Now, I add highlights to the color that I use to cover the gray in my hair. Of course, I cover the gray with my natural color.

3. I used to feel tall. My son is now taller than me by nearly 9 inches. He’s a towering 6’4″ and possibly still growing. I’m raising a giant and clearly shrinking at the same time.

4. Shedding baby weight in my 20′s was cake. Shedding baby weight again, 15 years later, is nearly futile. Still, I’m hanging on to that one little designer dress for the “someday” that will probably never arrive. (Did someone mention cake?)

5. After sitting through an entire movie, my body aches when I stand. Wait. Did I fall asleep during the movie?

7. I drink coffee. I drink lots of coffee. The amount of coffee I consume increases each year. I never touched the stuff in my 20′s or early 30′s.

I’m not going to walk through the door with the sign that reads, “Enter Middle Age” without a fight though. That’ll be me, the one you see kicking and screaming. And cursing. Fortunately for me, even if I wanted to go through that door, certainly one of my kids will make the demand and I’ll have to turn around anyway.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/7-signs-youre-entering-middle-age/feed/4Drink The Kool-Aidhttp://whattheflicka.com/drink-the-kool-aid/
http://whattheflicka.com/drink-the-kool-aid/#commentsMon, 08 Apr 2013 20:13:07 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=9402Okay, a bit of depression set in the other day when I stepped on the scale and realized I had gained more fluff than I was content with. The scale wasn’t the first alarm. The stitches in my pants had been crying out long before I stepped on the scale. My 5’3 and 125 lb Read the full article...

Okay, a bit of depression set in the other day when I stepped on the scale and realized I had gained more fluff than I was content with. The scale wasn’t the first alarm. The stitches in my pants had been crying out long before I stepped on the scale. My 5’3 and 125 lb frame had ballooned to a voluptuous and out of shape 145 lbs and I haven’t grown taller… that’s the problem. I think some women wear curves very nicely. I have a different sort of build, beedy eyes, smalls lips, ruler frame…needless to say, curves don’t look curvy on this bod, I take on more of a pendulous adjective. So, I sat my fluffy ass down and skimmed through Pinterest to get some motivation. Initially, I found a bunch of scrawny chicks with breast implants claiming they were hot…I wasn’t impressed. Although the anorexic look may be popular, I’m more into the athletic Sparta Chick kinda look. Here’s what inspired me:

Within 20 minutes of eating my icecream, drinking a glass of wine, and looking at my belly compared to these chicks, a Crossfit fire was lit under this fluff. I decided to drink the Koolaid, once again. You see, I used to do this crazy Crossfit stuff a few years back. It had this wild and untamed side- effect of making me feel like a champ when I was finished. I miss that. I shall resume these champ-like workouts as a life-style I suppose. I’m not nearly as intense as I used to be so I don’t imagine I will be calling myself a “Crossfitter” anytime soon, however I will be stealing the W.O.Ds (Workout of the Day) to get this ass in shape. So, here it goes (holding up my glass of green tea in a “Cheers” fashion). I should note, I have no intention of following the traditional Crossfit Paleo Cave man diet. However, I will be eating to fuel fitness not fluff. I’ll keep you in the loop of my eats as the days progress should you care to know what I’m up to.

(Above) Here’s a recent picture of me. As you can see, I have a lot of work to do…….JUST KIDDING I wish.

Because my pre-baby ego still lingers, I was hesitant to post a picture of my increasingly fluffy physique; but I figure, posting a pic of what I’m not content with will motivate me to hurry and post a pic that I am content with thus working hard to get my bod back in shape. So, here it goes…..Don’t hate, I’ve housed a bunch of children in my belly in a short amount of time, hence, the
stretched out living quarters aka my belly:

Join me in this journey to a fitter lifestyle. The more the merrier. We can start our own suburban-mom-beasts cult.

Lunch – 1/4 of a grilled cheese and ham on sourdough sandwich, and I’m not sorry. It was BOMB! also, 2 cups of spinach w/ Caesar dressing; 1 large glass of iced green tea w/ agave.

Dinner – 5 large handfuls of Cheez-it Party Mix, 1.5 tacos, 1 nasty bean burrito-half the tortilla…dinner.was.a.fail.I was starving and waited too long to have a snack so I attacked the first food I saw, which happened to be my sister’s taco bell bag….oh well. Forging ahead.

W.O.D-8 rounds of: Run 400 meters, Rest 90 seconds
(http://www.crossfit.com/)
*I modified this bad-boy after the 1st 400 meters almost gave me a heart attack. The end result was 8 rounds of sprinting 200 meters, walking 200 meters. (sprint straight ways, walk the shoulders-track) I still wanted to die after each 100 meters of sprinting. I forgot that Crossfit provokes a deathlike euphoria in its initial stages; So, I will give myself grace and modify as needed til’ I get back into “beast” mode. A big thanks to Coach Jacki for making me follow through today even though I wanted to puke on his shoes and slap him after each lap. Also, thanks JHeb for joining me and providing some extra motivation. You are a champ!

Is anyone else trying any new workouts? What do you do to stay motivated?

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/drink-the-kool-aid/feed/6The Complete Spring Cleanhttp://whattheflicka.com/the-complete-spring-clean/
http://whattheflicka.com/the-complete-spring-clean/#commentsTue, 02 Apr 2013 19:10:15 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=9280Ah, spring. A time of re-birth and new possibilities. In the early spring months, winter begins to loosen her icy grip to allow tender seedlings to blossom while buds burst from the branches of the trees. The warmer weather brings anticipation of Mother’s Day, graduations, Father’s Day and sunny beach vacations. And then you step Read the full article...

Ah, spring. A time of re-birth and new possibilities. In the early spring months, winter begins to loosen her icy grip to allow tender seedlings to blossom while buds burst from the branches of the trees. The warmer weather brings anticipation of Mother’s Day, graduations, Father’s Day and sunny beach vacations.

And then you step on the scale.

Apparently the long, cold winter has taken permanent residence on my hips. And my butt. Those chilly nights, huddled around a fire with the comforts of mac and cheese, a gorgeous red wine and tempting holiday treats have caught up with The BadAssMama. And I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one! We all start the winter with the best of intentions. Not this year! I’m going to hit the gym, watch what I eat and be ready for spring. THIS year will be different!

Yeah, not so much.

So, The BadAssMama is doing some spring cleaning. In addition to the annual ritual of cleaning closets, storing winter gear, scrubbing windows and cleaning couches, I’m going to clean up my eating. While I’d love to look great in my spring and summer outfits, this is more than just a diet. It’s time to clear out the cluttered thinking and emotional eating that undermine my efforts to keep my health on track. Rather than focus solely on how my butt looks in these shorts, I want to focus on how my soul feels in this life.

This spring, The BadAssMama commits to clean up my eating, my thinking and my living. I commit to use food as fuel to live the life of my dreams. I dare to live my life on my own terms, rather than trying to meet anyone else’s expectations of what my life should be. I commit to celebrate my body in whatever form it takes on any given day, because it has given life to two beautiful, brilliant and perfectly insane little boys, and has survived trauma that would cripple more than half the population of this planet. I pledge to honor my emotions rather than stuffing them down with food. And to be present – even during the hard stuff – so that I don’t miss out on the very things I’m trying so hard not to lose.

What do you say, ladies? Let’s do this spring cleaning thing together.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/the-complete-spring-clean/feed/1Thanks AHA, I Owe You Onehttp://whattheflicka.com/thanks-aha-i-owe-you-one/
http://whattheflicka.com/thanks-aha-i-owe-you-one/#commentsThu, 28 Feb 2013 19:40:44 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=8416It’s the end of Heart Month and my last posting in association with the American Heart Association. Since I learned we should only have ¾ tsp of salt every day and only 6 tsp of sugar every day (men can have 9 tsp – unfair!), and since sugar and salt are in everything, I have Read the full article...

It’s the end of Heart Month and my last posting in association with the American Heart Association. Since I learned we should only have ¾ tsp of salt every day and only 6 tsp of sugar every day (men can have 9 tsp – unfair!), and since sugar and salt are in everything, I have actually been reading labels and being much more conscientious about what my family and I eat. Consequently, I have actually challenged myself and made progress to become healthier this month. Thanks American Heart Association! We used to think that heart health was something only men needed to worry about, but now we know heart disease, heart attacks, and high blood pressure are equal opportunity health concerns.

Okay, not to be Debbie Downer, but we need to add one more to the list, strokes. A stroke happens when there is a blood clot in the brain or a blood vessel ruptures. Here are some sobering statistics so we can be smarter in our choices.

– One person every 45 seconds is affected by a stroke.
– Someone in the U.S. dies every 3.3 minutes from stroke.
– Stroke is the third leading cause of death.
– Women account for approximately 43 percent of strokes that occur each year, but they account for 61 percent of stroke deaths.
– Each year 28 percent of people who suffer a stroke are under age 65.
– 75% of people don’t know the warning signs of a stroke. Take a minute to learn F.A.S.T. –there is a link to a new App on strokeassociation.org.

Okay, now I am freaked out, and I am the one writing this! But forewarned is forearmed and here are just a few tips to keep you and your loved ones healthier and reduce your risk of stroke. Some are obvious but it always helps to be reminded. Life is precious.

– Don’t smoke and avoid second-hand smoke.
– Improve your eating habits. Eat foods low in saturated fat, trans fat, cholesterol, sodium and added sugars. Remember the ¾ tsp of salt (1,500 mg of sodium) and for women only 6 tsp of sugar ( 24 grams).
– Be physically active.
– Get your blood pressure checked regularly and work with your healthcare provider to manage it, if it’s high.
– Reach and maintain a healthy weight. I know, I know, easy to write, hard to do. But eating healthy is the first step.
– Decrease your stress level. I can only do this by exercising, by taking quiet time in the morning before my family wakes up, and seeking emotional support when I need it.
– Have regular medical checkups.

*This is a paid advertisement and the opinions and statements of the blogger or otherwise provided on http://whattheflicka.com do not reflect the views of the American Heart Association and American Stroke Association.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/thanks-aha-i-owe-you-one/feed/0Why I Fail at Fitnesshttp://whattheflicka.com/why-i-fail-at-fitness/
http://whattheflicka.com/why-i-fail-at-fitness/#commentsWed, 27 Feb 2013 14:30:47 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=8380I, like many of you, woke up January 1st believing my time to lose the flab had arrived. I meant it, too. I started walking, cutting back on seconds, sweets and booze, and even mustered the courage to do a weekly weigh-in and tape measurement of my inches. It was going so good, until it Read the full article...

I, like many of you, woke up January 1st believing my time to lose the flab had arrived. I meant it, too. I started walking, cutting back on seconds, sweets and booze, and even mustered the courage to do a weekly weigh-in and tape measurement of my inches.

It was going so good, until it wasn’t. After small losses at the scales, week three rolled around and I was on a plateau. No inches lost, no pounds dropped. And what did this self-proclaimed fat girl do with her dismay? I ate it. Then I slept with it. My emotional boost came in the form of grilled hot Italian sausages on soft white buns, old-fashioned glazed donuts, and the ultimate in feel-good food: homemade fried chicken and waffles with real maple syrup and extra butter. To help aid my digestion, I curled up in my soft bed under a down-feather quilt with the remote control on my side. I limited my walking, and then stopped altogether. All the while, I kept telling myself, “You’re good, Bryanne. No worries. This won’t impact you.”

I tried to give myself an intervention by signing up for two workout classes, twice a week at my college, worth credit hours, meaning I couldn’t cheat. Then I read the syllabus: “Must not miss more than five classes.”

Here’s how I read that sentence: “You can miss five whole classes!” I’m at week 6 now and I’ve missed 3 work-out sessions. It reminds of an internet Bill Gates quote floating around that I’m not sure he actually said, but I like: “I always find a lazy person to do a difficult job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” I think he was talking about me.

Since January 1st, I’ve lost a total of fourteen pounds and dropped a whopping 10.25 inches. Sounds great, right? I guess I should mention that since January 1st, I’ve also regained eight pounds and added back 5.5 inches. I believe what I have accomplished is the definition of yoyo-dieting. Apparently my gravitational potential energy (sorry for getting all science-y on you) didn’t have enough “tug” to keep my fitness momentum going.

Here’s an anecdote: Six or so years ago, we bought a Wii Fit to help me get in shape. I was all for it in the beginning, until I gained a few pounds and the robotic female voice asked me why. The option “because I like food and detest sweating, dummy” was not available. The avatar that represented me on the screen swelled around the midsection. I was humiliated. I avoided the Wii for a week, and then when I returned, the voice scolded me. Somehow, the Wii Fit Pad, required for the program to work, broke. We still haven’t found the time to replace it…

Here is why I think I keep failing at fitness: I don’t take myself seriously. I don’t value the years of medical research that tell me excess weight, especially the weight around my midsection, is dangerous to my health. While I learned years ago to give up McDonalds (don’t mess with my Taco Bell, though) and to stop adding sugar to my coffee, the idea that my weight and my lack of fitness could impact my longevity doesn’t reach the motherboard. In some strange, alternate universe, my fitness mentality is like a raging hormonal teenager who thinks, “I’m invincible.”
If there is an answer to my fitness dilemma, it has to be deeper than eat healthy and exercise. It has to attack the faulty wiring inside my brain that convinces me another frosted donut isn’t as dangerous as drugs, or that it’s okay to rest in bed when I’ve got nothing else to do.
Did you ever see the movie, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?” I did. I loved it. Emotionally wrought lovers chose to have their memories of one another erased, completely eradicated, so that they could go on living without longing for the other anymore. Popcorn in hand, crying over that movie, I wished I could lobotomize the part of my brain that turns to saturated fats and fluffy pillows. If I never knew how much I enjoyed self-indulgence, maybe I could find my inner fitness darling, the one who would make that robotic Wii drill-instructor proud of my accomplishments.

Then my epicurean, hedonistic brain starts buzzing and I think of how delicious slow braised, fatty cuts of meat taste, and the burning ache in my calves when I’m on the elliptical trainer, and how my idea of heaven is laying naked on a soft, white bed, while twenty muscled-male hands work out every kink my body has ever had. Pleasure vs. Pain. “Ouch” loses every time.

That my friends, is why I fail at fitness. I’m wired for gratification and quite possibly suffer from an extreme allergy to any form of asceticism. It’s not a matter of fullness, or energy, or ignorance. It’s that I love how I live, even if the results aren’t as lovable.

So, what is your fitness dilemma? Have you been able to overcome a chronic case of indulgence? Help a Flickster out, or at least commiserate with me. I’ll bring the chicken.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/why-i-fail-at-fitness/feed/9The Teaching Gardenshttp://whattheflicka.com/the-teaching-gardens/
http://whattheflicka.com/the-teaching-gardens/#commentsFri, 15 Feb 2013 18:48:03 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=8152We have a lovely garden that we alternate between being really involved in, or totally ignoring. Right now we have lettuces and chard, some tired tomato plants and my daughters’ strawberry patch – which also doubles as a hamster graveyard. But in my second week of teaming up with the American Heart Association, I found Read the full article...

We have a lovely garden that we alternate between being really involved in, or totally ignoring. Right now we have lettuces and chard, some tired tomato plants and my daughters’ strawberry patch – which also doubles as a hamster graveyard. But in my second week of teaming up with the American Heart Association, I found out about a wonderful program that they are growing nationwide. It’s called the Teaching Gardens and it’s making me take out my wheelbarrow and spade and get to work.

First of all, I do love gardening. My husband says when life gets too tense, there is no better antidote than digging in the dirt. And it’s wonderful to be able to say to my daughters, “Would you go get some lettuce and a few tomatoes from the garden?” Or when our Sungold cherry tomatoes are ripe and we put a bowl on the kitchen counter and everyone snacks on them all day. I feel like Ma from Little House on the Prairie.

Our girls are pretty good about eating fruit and vegetables (don’t get me wrong, they are also pretty good at eating cookies and ice cream), but we live in Southern California, have land around our house, the luxury of time and resources. Not everyone has access to all that, which is why we are faced with some scary statistics:

1. French fries are the most common source of vegetables consumed by children and make up one-fourth of their vegetable intake.

2. One out of three kids and adolescents are overweight or obese.

It’s sobering and it’s why the American Heart Association has created the Teaching Garden program, which is designed to encourage healthy diets in young children and to help combat childhood obesity. Teaching Gardens are an elementary school based garden program. The program provides a real-life laboratory where students learn how to plant seeds, nurture growing plants, harvest crops and ultimately understand the value of good eating habits. It also provides classroom curriculum. Teaching Gardens encompass a core belief that when you educate children about nutritional choices and challenge them to make small changes to improve their health, they will teach their families and others.

It’s so wonderful to address this nationally through our education system, because studies show garden-based nutritional intervention programs may increase fruit and vegetable intake among youth, as well as the willingness among younger children to try fruits and vegetables.

If you have a little yard out front or back, and want to jump into gardening as a family, here is what I have had the most fun and luck with in the past:

Sunflowers – Make sure to get the confectionary sunflowers, the type grown for food (I have made that mistake before). After harvesting, the seeds are delicious and nutritious.

Snow peas or sugar snap peas – These plants need something to climb up, but are fun and kids can eat them right off the vine.

Sungold cherry tomatoes – My girls love these, as does everyone else; they never make it into a salad because they get devoured immediately.

Nasturtiums – These flowers are quick and easy to grow. They are pest resistant and edible and make a pretty garnish for any dish.

Potatoes – This is a “never fail” crop. You harvest the potatoes when the plant collapses and kids love digging around in the dirt to find the “treasure.” And who doesn’t like to eat potatoes with butter and parsley (which you can grow yourself).

There are great gardening resources on the internet; I found www.simplemom.com and www.eartheasy.com which give some great ideas about gardening even if you live in a city.

1. Start an herb garden in a pot. It is foolproof and low maintenance. Keep in the kitchen and use every day to add flavor.
2. Start your seeds in a toilet paper roll, when the seed breaks the surface you can plant the whole roll in the dirt and it breaks down naturally in the soil.
3. Make a pizza planter; this involves a bigger container (one woman used an old kiddie pool!). Start a tomato plant, some oregano, basil, thyme, and maybe peppers, or any other pizza friendly topping. When they are ready to harvest you can make homemade pizza every night.

(Pin it!)

To continue good eating habits and to get heart healthy, be sure to take the Challenge.

Enjoy,

Flicka

*This is a paid advertisement and the opinions and statements of the blogger or otherwise provided on http://whattheflicka.com do not reflect the views of the American Heart Association and American Stroke Association.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/the-teaching-gardens/feed/3Changing My Salty Wayshttp://whattheflicka.com/changing-my-salty-ways/
http://whattheflicka.com/changing-my-salty-ways/#commentsThu, 07 Feb 2013 13:15:29 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=8070February is “American Heart Month” and I am teaming up with the American Heart Association to help us stay heart healthy and strong. Each week we will share a different tip. I think we can make it fun, educational and hopefully we will move into March smarter and healthier. I hope you will take on Read the full article...

February is “American Heart Month” and I am teaming up with the American Heart Association to help us stay heart healthy and strong. Each week we will share a different tip. I think we can make it fun, educational and hopefully we will move into March smarter and healthier. I hope you will take on the Challenge with me.

This week it’s all about “Changing Your Salty Ways.” I have to admit, I love salt. I salt everything; eggs, salads, dressing, soups and stews, I sometimes even put salt in my beer. So when I read that the American Heart Association recommends Americans should consume no more than 1,500 mg of sodium a day instead of our usual 3,400mg, I thought, “That’s not a big deal, I mean, how much is a milligram?” Get ready:

Children recommended allowance per day
1-3 years should have only 1,000mg =1/2 tsp.
4-8 years should have only 1,200mg=1/2tsp. and a pinch

Can you believe it?! That seems like nothing to me! My first thought was, “I’m never going to be able to cut my sodium down to ½ tsp. a day.” And my second thought was, “Why should I?”

Okay, since I like to understand things from the ground up I ask, “What is excess sodium for us?” I mean, I know it makes me puffy, but what exactly is it doing to my heart?

Answer: Sodium can increase our blood pressure because it holds excess fluid in the body, placing an added burden on the heart. If we already have high blood pressure it can make it worse.

Okay, my next question: What is high blood pressure? I know it’s weird I don’t know this, but I went to a hippy school and I am really good at finger knitting. (All you smarties out there, just skip this part.)

Answer: High blood pressure is when the force of our blood against our arterial walls is too high. Resulting in these walls becoming overstretched and injured.

We may not feel that anything is wrong, but high blood pressure can permanently damage our hearts, brains, eyes and kidneys before we feel any symptoms. High blood pressure can often lead to heart attack and heart failure, stroke, kidney failure, and other health consequences.

Okay, now we know why high blood pressure is bad and that an excess of salt can make it worse. Now what do we do?

Well, I am pretty sure I can cut down on my table salt, I mean who needs salt in their beer? But as the American Heart Association says, it’s not so much what we are putting on our foods, it’s what is in the food already. More than 75 percent of the sodium we consume is hidden in processed foods like tomato sauce, soups, condiments, canned foods and prepared mixes. So the AHA came up with “The Salty Six;” the top six foods that are sneaking sodium into our diets without our knowing in the form of processed or restaurant food (click image below for full size).

1. Breads and Rolls – One slice/piece can have as much as 230mg of sodium.
2. Cold cuts and cured meats – Two ounces of packaged turkey breast can contain up to 620 to 670 mg of sodium. That’s over 1/3 of the maximum recommended daily intake of sodium!
3. Pizza – One slice ( and really who ever eats one slice) can have as much as 760mg
4. Poultry – It depends on how it’s prepared but for example 3 ounces of chicken nuggets can have 600mg.
5. Soup – One cup of chicken noodle soup can have up to 940mg, and typically there is more than one cup in a can.
6. Sandwiches/burgers – You add two pieces of bread (up to 230mg each), cold cuts (up to 670mg), cheese, mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard – you get the idea, you are way above your 1,500mg allowance in just one sandwich!

Of course different brands and different restaurants contain differing amounts of sodium, so to help us out, the American Heart Association provides a “heart-check mark” that is on many brands and in some restaurants to help us find foods that are heart healthy.

So, this whole month I am going to start checking the sodium levels of the canned or prepackaged food that I buy and choose wisely, and watch for the words “soda” and “sodium” and the symbol “Na” on labels. These words disclose that sodium compounds are present. Hopefully after a month I will have formed a healthy habit leading to Changing My Salty Ways.

*This is a paid advertisement and the opinions and statements of the blogger or otherwise provided on http://whattheflicka.com do not reflect the views of the American Heart Association and American Stroke Association.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/changing-my-salty-ways/feed/4What are your favorite ways to unwind and de-stress?http://whattheflicka.com/what-are-your-favorite-ways-to-unwind-and-de-stress/
http://whattheflicka.com/what-are-your-favorite-ways-to-unwind-and-de-stress/#commentsSat, 26 Jan 2013 13:07:53 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=7854The post What are your favorite ways to unwind and de-stress? appeared first on What The Flicka?.
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]]>http://whattheflicka.com/zumba/feed/4Mental Magicianhttp://whattheflicka.com/mental-magician/
http://whattheflicka.com/mental-magician/#commentsTue, 22 Jan 2013 19:35:39 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=7789Have you ever gotten excited for something – like really super excited only to be crushed when you share your exciting news with someone else? If so, I have one question for you… Do you believe in magic? The “hater” is being a mental magician. I refer to depression as “the absence of hope”. It’s Read the full article...

Have you ever gotten excited for something – like really super excited only to be crushed when you share your exciting news with someone else? If so, I have one question for you… Do you believe in magic? The “hater” is being a mental magician.

I refer to depression as “the absence of hope”. It’s the absence of magic. I will admit that I walk down the path of hope quite frequently, but sometimes I find myself walking down the path to hopelessness. It’s like the road says “DANGER, HOPE IS LOST.”

There is only one option at that point: GET OFF THAT ROAD. There is always hope. Find the hope! Are you a mental magician of hope or a mental magician of destruction? I’m not talking about being an illusionist and creating a fake world. I’m saying that the mind is a powerful thing and you can be mentally positive or mentally negative (but saying mental magician is just way more fun). I guess that I’m a little bit of a delusionist! I believe in big dreams and I’m totally okay with that.

Some of the best, most cool things that I’ve done have happened when other people told me that I was taking a journey down the wrong street. No! I was living my magic! My hope! Sometimes, what’s right for you isn’t what’s right for someone else. Only you know how to use your magic! Isn’t that how magic works? Don’t let someone steal it!

There is magic everywhere. These are some things that excite me.

• Getting tickets from Santa to see Cathy Rigby in Peter Pan. Ultimate magic about magic. Do you believe in fairies?
• That feeling of being in New York City during Christmas time or walking down Broadway, when all of the lights make it seem like anything is possible.
• A super great hug!
• Watching someone else do something that affects you in an amazing way.
• Accomplishing something awesome!
• Getting a nice compliment and putting it in your pocket for a rainy day.
• That wow feeling that you feel when something great happens.
• Seeing an amazing movie that is super funny or emotionally moving.
• Attitude changing perspective.
• That peppermint spark kiss! (I’ve never had one but the commercial makes it seem magical) Hmm, I’m kind of hungry for a peppermint patty now.
• That song that inspires you that you are here for a reason.
• Standing outside and seeing the beauty of nature: A beautiful sky, a ray of sunlight, seeing something in the clouds, trees speaking in the breeze. Flowers blooming.
• When you actually see the shape of a snowflake that looks like one of those paper snowflakes you make at school.

Get out your pouch of fairy dust think lovely thoughts and fly! Click your ruby slippers together and follow the yellow brick road. Believe in the possiblities!

My magic is true friendship, love, dance, music, and laughter. I hope that you find your magic, and you believe in it and never let it go. Clap your hands if you believe!

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/mental-magician/feed/2What are your health tips for 2013?http://whattheflicka.com/what-are-your-health-tips-for-2013/
http://whattheflicka.com/what-are-your-health-tips-for-2013/#commentsSat, 12 Jan 2013 13:45:33 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=7686The post What are your health tips for 2013? appeared first on What The Flicka?.
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]]>http://whattheflicka.com/what-are-your-health-tips-for-2013/feed/6Health and Givinghttp://whattheflicka.com/health-and-giving/
http://whattheflicka.com/health-and-giving/#commentsFri, 11 Jan 2013 15:30:28 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=7653As 2013 is starting up, I am thinking about New Year’s resolutions and wanted to have a few about improving my family’s health and improving our “giving back.” Here are my ideas for improving my family’s health: Two days a week that are meat free, two days a week where we limit our sugar intake, Read the full article...

As 2013 is starting up, I am thinking about New Year’s resolutions and wanted to have a few about improving my family’s health and improving our “giving back.”

Here are my ideas for improving my family’s health: Two days a week that are meat free, two days a week where we limit our sugar intake, and making sure my kids have a balanced diet so they get all the nutrition and vitamins they need through our food. That said, I don’t always succeed, often I don’t have the time, energy or organizational skills to always cook great balanced meals. Web MD says: Although getting nutrients from food is always preferable, adding a supplement might be smart. That is where vitamin and mineral supplements come in at our house.

In the spirit of giving, here is an idea for giving back: Bayer HealthCare, the makers of Flintstones Vitamins, and Vitamin Angels have launched a charitable initiative called 10 Million Stronger, which is aimed at delivering essential vitamin A to 10 million children suffering from vitamin A deficiency worldwide. Vitamin A deficiency is an underlying cause of child mortality and blindness, and Flintstones Vitamins wants to give these kids the chance to grow up strong and healthy so they can lead meaningful, productive lives. In 10 Million Stronger’s inaugural year, $300,000 was donated to Vitamin Angels by Flintstones Vitamins which will help fund vitamin A for more than 1 million children in need. But Flintstones Vitamins needs our help! Visit the Flintstones Vitamins Facebook page at www.facebook.com/FlintstonesVitamins to help spread the word and make a donation to 10 Million Stronger. My kids are choosing charities to donate to this time of the year; there are many to choose from and 10 Million Stronger is a wonderful cause that can make a big difference to children in need.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/health-and-giving/feed/3What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?http://whattheflicka.com/what-is-the-best-piece-of-advice-youve-ever-been-given/
http://whattheflicka.com/what-is-the-best-piece-of-advice-youve-ever-been-given/#commentsWed, 09 Jan 2013 13:06:46 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=7642The post What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given? appeared first on What The Flicka?.
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]]>http://whattheflicka.com/what-is-the-best-piece-of-advice-youve-ever-been-given/feed/108What is your 2013 New Year’s Resolution?http://whattheflicka.com/what-is-your-2013-new-years-resolution/
http://whattheflicka.com/what-is-your-2013-new-years-resolution/#commentsMon, 31 Dec 2012 13:03:46 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=7508The post What is your 2013 New Year’s Resolution? appeared first on What The Flicka?.
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]]>http://whattheflicka.com/what-is-your-2013-new-years-resolution/feed/12What are your tips for enjoying holiday treats without overindulging?http://whattheflicka.com/what-are-your-tips-for/
http://whattheflicka.com/what-are-your-tips-for/#commentsFri, 30 Nov 2012 20:31:34 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=7202The post What are your tips for enjoying holiday treats without overindulging? appeared first on What The Flicka?.
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]]>http://whattheflicka.com/what-are-your-tips-for/feed/11My Sadness Projecthttp://whattheflicka.com/my-sadness-project/
http://whattheflicka.com/my-sadness-project/#commentsWed, 14 Nov 2012 13:50:44 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=6893I started taking Zoloft when I was a 5-month-old mother. I had been depressed before, in adolescence and in college, but this was the first time I’d chosen medication. It worked. And now I’m slowly tapering off of my dose because I want to know what life is like without it. Will my long lost Read the full article...

I started taking Zoloft when I was a 5-month-old mother. I had been depressed before, in adolescence and in college, but this was the first time I’d chosen medication. It worked. And now I’m slowly tapering off of my dose because I want to know what life is like without it. Will my long lost libido find its way home again? Can I be the woman and mother I want to be without it? I hope so.

I cut my dose in half back in December and my dear friend D had to remind me of that fact in January when I was puzzling over why I was zombie-ing out every night with television and a rotating assortment of carbohydrates. Now I’m down to 1/4 of what I used to take and will be Zoloft-free in a couple of weeks. And I feel a lot more sadness.

Since I live in a world that doesn’t save back much room or reverence for sadness, I’ve felt pushed to the margins lately. Like there’s a big glaring part of me that is not welcome. Thanks to my wonderful band of friends, it gets to leak out sometimes, like when I cried on C’s couch during her Easter party about losing my temper with my son, J (he’s been expressing displeasure lately by throwing things at my face). But these are exceptions. A lot of the time, I hide my sadness and think there’s something wrong with me for feeling it.

I know sadness can make people uncomfortable. Hell, I’m uncomfortable writing this. But I think that

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/my-sadness-project/feed/9Today is World Kindess Day! How will you celebrate?http://whattheflicka.com/today-is-world-kindess-day-how-will-you-celebrate/
http://whattheflicka.com/today-is-world-kindess-day-how-will-you-celebrate/#commentsTue, 13 Nov 2012 12:14:17 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=6865The post Today is World Kindess Day! How will you celebrate? appeared first on What The Flicka?.
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]]>http://whattheflicka.com/today-is-world-kindess-day-how-will-you-celebrate/feed/6First Life Lesson – Consistencyhttp://whattheflicka.com/first-life-lesson-consistency/
http://whattheflicka.com/first-life-lesson-consistency/#commentsFri, 09 Nov 2012 13:15:04 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=6796[Editor’s note: This post is part of Sabrina’s “Road to the Half-Ironman” series. See part one here.] When I was in high school, Mike, a boy who lived on my street, decided he was going to lose weight. So he woke up every morning at 5 AM, then he ran and lifted weights. He got Read the full article...

[Editor’s note: This post is part of Sabrina’s “Road to the Half-Ironman” series. See part one here.]

When I was in high school, Mike, a boy who lived on my street, decided he was going to lose weight. So he woke up every morning at 5 AM, then he ran and lifted weights. He got himself in great shape. Every time I start a new workout routine, I always follow in Mike’s footsteps. I set my alarm for 6 am. Just need to be on the treadmill and running by 6:15. No problem. Easy. Piece of cake.

And it is. For the first day. And the second. Maybe the third. And then I convince myself I’ll workout at lunch. Which probably won’t happen. I lie to myself and I choose to believe it because then I don’t have to get out of bed. I love my bed. I could spend all day in my bed.

But the bed isn’t really the problem, is it? As someone who follows a face cleaning regime for awhile and then sleeps in my make-up everyday for a month… As someone who will spend a week cleaning up after myself every night, then weeks leaving a trail of old clothes and other stuff all over the house… Someone who will answer every email and stay on top of all correspondence and then will let it lie for months… I’m just really inconsistent.

But what’s the harm, right?

Except that when I went to get a test to help me prep for the months of training ahead, I found out that I’ve been training too hard for my body. It’s why I haven’t gotten stronger and better. Something I could have avoided if I had only been consistent in my workouts.

To fix this, I must workout CONSISTENTLY 5-6 days a week for the next two months per the schedule that was laid out by the coach. I’ll be retested in December. And if I have done my work correctly, the test will show it. If I don’t do my work correctly, I might not be ready for the half-ironman in July. So I need inspiration and I’ve found it in two people in my life. Very different kinds of support but both very powerful.

One – I have a friend on the east coast whom I text when I wake up. “Tell me to get out of bed.” And I get back some kind of inspirational message – “Stop being such a lazy butt and get up!” And the texting doesn’t stop until I say that I’m on the treadmill.

Two – I focus on my son. He’s 9. I need to show him what daily dedication looks like. I want to give him something to model.

I’m only two weeks in. It’s been crazy hard. I’m tired. And I love my bed. But when that alarm goes off, I realize it’s time. Time to show my friend who is texting me that I’m worth supporting, time to show myself that I can stick to something and it’s time to show my son that daily efforts can lead to amazing rewards.

So WTFlicka readers – Day 16, done. Wish me luck. I need it — 261 days to go!

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/first-life-lesson-consistency/feed/0The Elimination Diet A.K.A. The No Food Diethttp://whattheflicka.com/the-elimination-diet/
http://whattheflicka.com/the-elimination-diet/#commentsTue, 06 Nov 2012 14:20:38 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=6639In Felicity Huffman’s “I Can’t Do It Alone” post she discusses teamwork. I need a team and someone to hold me accountable – I don’t always finish what I’ve started. I have “great” ideas (or just regular ideas) but sometimes the follow through just escapes me. I have a lot of things on the back Read the full article...

In Felicity Huffman’s “I Can’t Do It Alone” post she discusses teamwork. I need a team and someone to hold me accountable – I don’t always finish what I’ve started. I have “great” ideas (or just regular ideas) but sometimes the follow through just escapes me. I have a lot of things on the back burner. I do have the best of intentions.

I’m working on the balance between taking baby steps and “going bold or going home”. I often stand on the ledge of greatness as someone talks me off of the ledge and back inside. Sometimes, I just jump without thinking. I feel like I’m halfway to point B before I even started point A. When my doctor told me to “try” to eliminate: Milk, Eggs, Soy, Nuts, Wheat, and Fish for 2 weeks. I was determined to eliminate these things for 2 weeks. But, before I failed miserably, I made a Pumpkin Spice Corn Muffin.

Now this recipe is probably out there somewhere already but I’m not googling it so don’t rain on my domestic parade. When I lived on my own I loved to bake and cook. However, I currently share a kitchen with an E.T. (Extra Territorial). So you get in, and you get out, and you leave looking like you never baked a thing. Or else…

I purchased a box of Gluten-Free Muffin Mix. The wheat-free, soy-free, nut-free mix is even packed in a dedicated gluten-free facility. SCORE!! The recipe required milk and 3 eggs! (CRAP). I didn’t give up! Oh no! I called for reinforcements. My cousin’s kids are allergic to life so I knew that she’d know what to do. She said to use Coconut Milk as a milk sub and Pumpkin Puree as an egg substitute SCORE!!! Only problem, though, is that I love the smell of Pumpkin but I’m not a huge fan of the taste. The batter smelled funny! I’m also weird about texture.

Still, I was determined to make these muffins!

I then made an executive decision to add 1 cup of corn meal which kind of, almost, doubled the size of the batch. I added the allotted amount of sugar but added a tsp of cinnamon and then sprinkled cinnamon sugar on the top of the muffins. I’m kind of a fussy and picky eater. I’m one of those people that you’d better get a menu for before getting to the restaurant. I’m attempting to step outside of my comfort zone. Hence, the attempt at the muffins! WIN! The muffins actually tasted pretty good!

While I failed at the diet, I made the muffins! It’s all about the baby steps!

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/the-elimination-diet/feed/0Channel Your Inner Toddlerhttp://whattheflicka.com/channel-your-inner-toddler/
http://whattheflicka.com/channel-your-inner-toddler/#commentsThu, 01 Nov 2012 12:45:56 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=6384As a rule, I don’t wear side ponytails. Or ponytails secured at the crown of my head. Or clothes that don’t match. Except with my niece Elle. You see, when Elle was 18-months old, she piled a bunch of hair on the top of my skull and insisted I secure it with a rubber band Read the full article...

As a rule, I don’t wear side ponytails. Or ponytails secured at the crown of my head. Or clothes that don’t match.

Except with my niece Elle.

You see, when Elle was 18-months old, she piled a bunch of hair on the top of my skull and insisted I secure it with a rubber band before doing the same to her own. It looked ridiculous. And it felt fantastic. That’s because Elle is that fabulous kind of little girl who doesn’t think inside the box. She doesn’t think inside the box because she doesn’t know there is a box. In Elle’s world, boxes carry birthday presents and Christmas presents but otherwise have no purpose or relevance whatsoever. (Except that if one is empty, she might turn it into a doghouse inside of which she would climb, giggling, and say, “Woof! Woof!”)

But anyhoo… For Elle, the world is a colorful adventure, a jungle of an art project. A bagel becomes a canvas upon which she paints cream cheese and jelly with a fork. All clothes look fashionable with a tutu, and no pair of shoes lacks silver glitter. You see, like boxes, rules don’t seem to exist in Elle’s world. And I don’t mean that Elle’s a disobedient little girl—she follows the important rules just fine. When her mom says to take a bath, she runs upstairs. When it’s time for bed, she dutifully puts her pajamas on. Elle’s got no problem with those kinds of rules.

It’s all the other ones she flaunts — the ones we adults take for granted, the ones we follow so consistently that we forget they’re rules at all. Like this one night, we were all cooking dinner together and Elle’s father asked her what kind of music she and her brother wanted to hear. Aidan, her charming twin brother who just tries his darndest to do the right thing all the time, said he wanted to listen to his dad’s favorite bluegrass. Which was all fine and well until Elle ran over and put her little hands in front of her and sighed, “Not bluegrass, Aidan. Pinkgrass!”

That’s a typical Elle remark.

So that night when Elle threw all my hair on top of my head and insisted I tie a rubber band around it, I remember feeling like a clown wearing an extra big nose and gigantic shoes to a black tie dinner. No mature adult woman wears half her hair in a style that looks only slightly less messy than Cousin It. But maybe we should. Because giggling on the floor with Elle and her brush, I felt more alive, more vibrant, than I almost ever do.

How can you energize your Inner Elle? Here are some ideas to get you started

1. Make Your Meal an Art Project: Elle likes to paint peanut butter and jelly onto her bread and cream cheese on her bagel. She also does a pretty spectacular job turning yogurt into finger paint. Can you think of simple and fun ways to make eating more artistic? Buying a squeeze bottle is an easy and inexpensive way to make your meals more beautiful. Zigzag olive oil or pesto sauce across some tomatoes and fresh mozzarella for a gorgeous caprese salad, or drizzle balsamic glaze instead of balsamic vinegar on your salad for a more polished look. Even popping a mint leaf on the top of some store bought ice cream can turn a simple dessert into a creative treat.

2. Make Fashion Fun: So maybe you feel a little old to be wearing a tutu with everything, but that doesn’t mean that your clothing has to be, well, too adult-ish. Next time you have the opportunity, look in your wardrobe for a top and bottom you never pair together. Try them on, look in the mirror, and even if you don’t want to wear the combo outside, lounge around the house treasuring your inner fashionista.

3. Play with your Nest: Elle likes to keep busy, and one of her favorite ways of doing that is to take all the baskets around the house that her mom uses to hold newspapers and create what she calls an “orphanage.” She lines the baskets up, gathers armloads of baby blankets to put inside, and then nestles all her little stuffed dogs and frogs—because Elle has a thing for dogs and frogs—inside. And voila: an orphanage. While it may not appeal to you to create a new home for your stuffed animals, what about playing around with your own furniture? Rearranging the living room is a luxurious yet inexpensive way to stimulate those artistic brain cells and give your home a makeover. Slather on a clay mask or exfoliating scrub from the grocery store while you rearrange the furniture for a double makeover!

4. Just Draw: Crayons pressed into paper, Elle’s little hands scribble circles and lines across the page at a frenetic pace. But when you ask her what she’s drawing, don’t expect a plan. Her usual response is, “Why do you always want to know what I’m drawing? I’m just drawing!” So often in life, we have an agenda or deadlines or goals and we forget to take a moment to just do something for pure enjoyment. Maybe for you that involves drawing a picture like Elle, or maybe it means playing a game with your child or taking an impromptu drive to an open space where you can watch the sun set or rise. Whatever it is, being open to doing something just for the pleasure of it is a wonderful way to exercise your inner creative muscles.

How would you like to be more creative in your life? Can you imagine breaking a few rules to do it? How can you cultivate your Inner Elle?

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/channel-your-inner-toddler/feed/0I Still Get High on the Weekendhttp://whattheflicka.com/i-still-get-high-on-the-weekend/
http://whattheflicka.com/i-still-get-high-on-the-weekend/#commentsTue, 30 Oct 2012 14:59:45 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=5999Ahhhh…Saturday morning, up early and ready to go get my next fix before my family awakes. It will take me a half-hour before the high sets in so I quietly sneak out of the house, pizza from last night in my right hand and my cell phone in my left. It’s a misty morning and Read the full article...

Ahhhh…Saturday morning, up early and ready to go get my next fix before my family awakes. It will take me a half-hour before the high sets in so I quietly sneak out of the house, pizza from last night in my right hand and my cell phone in my left. It’s a misty morning and the trails are patiently awaiting my arrival. I step out of my swagger wagon, aka “The Black Pearl” (my trusty Honda Odyssey), and take a deep breath of fresh, wet, San Diego air.

I know I won’t get the feeling I desire until I get going… I begin my run down the 8.5 mile path of muddy trail. 1 mile in, I pass a stream and go up a rocky hill; the rain has turned from a sprinkle to a steady flow but that doesn’t faze me, I continue… I am so entranced by my own thoughts that I don’t even notice the mileage I’m tracking. It’s hard to understand the sheer pleasure that is accumulated during my weekend escapades without experiencing the euphoria for yourself by putting in the work. Before you judge or turn the other cheek, just hear me out…

It all started with a quarter life crisis. At first, I wanted to run away and become a missionary in Africa, or a stripper in Spain, or even a teacher in Colombia, but I figured my safest, most moral bet would be running the hardcore streets of San Diego. I would pick a location, run out the door, and just keep running until the high set in. The husband didn’t seem to mind me tending to my confusion and craziness through running, as long as I stayed within the city/state/country and didn’t do anything illegal. So out I would go; every weekend I would stay out longer…upping my drug in hopes to retain the high. I started going on what those who run the streets call a “Long Run”. To the

I am clearly Banana Pants Crazy. I have just registered for Vineman 70.3, a half-ironman race on July 14, 2013. A half-Ironman is a 1.2 mile swim, a 56 mile bike, and a 13.1 mile run. Clearly – Banana Pants Crazy.

But I think everyone should have something that they are doing that’s Banana Pants Crazy. Or at least a little out of their comfort zone. Or just not the same thing we are doing every day all the time. Because it reminds us we’re alive.

When my divorce started a few years ago, I woke up to realize that I had stopped being ME. Whoever “me” was had disappeared under all the other things I had been – wife, mother, employee, boss, child, friend…. And, as I went through my divorce and the pain of ripping apart my life, I found a renewal. I wanted to be ME. But I didn’t know where to look.

Even though I have never been an athlete, I joined Team in Training for the 2011 Malibu Triathlon. It was hard. While training, I had my first ever panic attack. And then I had two more. The mentors and the coaches kept telling me that although I was way out of my comfort zone, I was strong enough to do this. I even showed up at practice once, crying hysterically, saying to my coach “You don’t know me very well, but I’m never like this. I’m an Executive Producer of a TV show.” (Strangest words that have ever left my body). But pushing myself through the mental, I finished. I had finished the greatest goal I ever set for myself. Through it, I was able to redefine for myself what I am capable of. Anything. I now believe I am capable of anything. Because what seemed Banana Pants Crazy was now possible.

Training for it is going to be so hard. 9 months. 5-6 days a week. While I am still a mom. And I will still be an Executive Producer of a TV show. I will still have to commute 1½ hours a day. I will still have friends and obligations and days I don’t feel well…. That’s why this is totally without question BANANA PANTS CRAZY. But it makes me feel like ME. And so I have to do it. Clearly.

[Editor’s Note: Sabrina Wind will be writing regularly, documenting her journey preparing for a half-ironman.]

However, I’d prefer if you would kindly refer to me as… Chubbylicious!! Girl Got the Muffin Top On!!!

Like a lot women, I have a relationship with food. It’s not sustenance, it’s a relationship! Food and I have tried to break up numerous times but we just keep getting back together. Ice Cream and I went on a break for several months without spending the night together, but I gave in. I’ve tried a lot of diets and they worked but the key is sticking to them. I fail! Big time! It’s hard to ride that pony! I keep falling off!

I guess you could also say that I’ve had body image issues since high school. I was thin but thought that I was fat. There was always something that I wanted to fix. I know that body image is a huge deal for a lot of people. I’ve found that the more that I obsess over my weight, and what I eat, the more weight I gain. After several conversations with my niece over the past few months, I have made a pact with myself that I need to love myself for who I am because, at the end of the day, I wasn’t happy with myself when I was thin either. I don’t want to take my body image issues and pass them down through generations.

People tell me or society or whomever that I should hate my body because I’m packing a few extra pounds. However, when I look in the mirror, (although there are times that I see a hideous beast staring back at me) for the most part I don’t hate my body. I honestly like my shape! It took my 4 year old niece to make me see the glass as half full, and give me a positive body image. I should be teaching her about positive body image. In a section I’d like to call “Sh*t My Niece Says…”

CONVO #1
NIECE: I don’t want you to leave… (INSERT sad face puppy dog eyes)
ME: Don’t you want me to go to the gym and get in shape so that I have more energy to play with you?
NIECE: No, I like you squishy!

CONVO #2
NIECE: Your boobs are so big! Are they real or water balloons?
ME: Real
NIECE: When I grow up I wanna have big boobs and a chubby butt just like you.

The truth is my niece loves me just as I am. Squishy! Does she notice my butt is chubbier than her mommy’s? Clearly! However, it is the role that I’m playing in her life and not the rolls on my body. She isn’t judging my flaws or my weaknesses. She just enjoys spending time with me because we have fun. She’s 4!

What she gave me is perspective! It’s all about perspective. I once worked with a woman who said that I was her goal weight. While I’m looking at someone else as my goal weight. A few years ago when I got fitted for a costume in a play the seamstress asked “how much do you weigh?” I said “A buck 85.” She said “are you sure?” I said “Fine, I’m a buck 65 plus boobs!” So there!

In some industries you’re required or expected to have a certain physique. We do live in a very visual society, but I think that beauty ultimately does come from within. Health and wellness do too! The good looking outside is just an added bonus! I’m attempting to do my best to lead a happy and healthy lifestyle even if I fail and fall off of the pony. If you don’t love yourself fat, you won’t love yourself thin, or in between. At least I didn’t!

I know that it sucks when you’re jeans don’t fit and you want to drop that extra 5 pounds. I know that you probably have a pair of skinny jeans that you’re “going” to fit back into. Mine are an old pair of Levi’s and I can “almost,” get them up my thighs.

If someone calls you fat (or says something about you that is rude or negative in general) the only thing that they should have is your rear view. That’s Booty Image! Ow! Get it! SNAP! When someone tells you that they hope to have big boobs and a chubby butt when they grow up and you embrace it, that’s a positive Body Image. You can have both! Rock it out!

Now go forth into the world and be someone else’s goal weight! Girl, get your confidence on!! Even if the girl got the spare tire, the pizza crust, or the junk in da trunk!!!

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/embrace-your-booty-image/feed/1Autumn Aspirationshttp://whattheflicka.com/autumn-aspirations/
http://whattheflicka.com/autumn-aspirations/#commentsTue, 16 Oct 2012 12:24:49 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=5218The days are getting shorter and it’s finally beginning to feel like fall. With a chill in the air, you can now drink a cup of coffee without breaking a sweat. If you’re like me, your obsession with creating a cozy house is being fueled each day by too much time spent on Pinterest and an overabundance of...

The days are getting shorter and it’s finally beginning to feel like Fall. With a chill in the air, you can now drink a cup of coffee without breaking a sweat. If you’re like me, your obsession with creating a cozy house is being fueled each day by too much time spent on Pinterest and an overabundance of cinnamon scent exposure. Or, maybe you are ready to stuff your face for the next few months and then hibernate through winter…! Before you get lost in the hustle and bustle of this busy time of year or fall asleep too early, make the most of this beautiful season with an Autumn Aspirations list.

Time seems to tick faster each year, so be intentional with your plans. Make a list of things you would like to do to celebrate the season, set the list in sight, and work towards reaching those goals and creating fun fall memories. Here’s an example of what’s on my agenda this season:

Autumn Aspirations 2012
– Apple picking in local orchard
– Pumpkin Patch
– Autumn Nature walk with the crew ~ collecting things for autumn crafts
– Splash in rain puddles with the kids
– Play soccer in the mud after a downpour
– Wine tasting with my girlfriends
– Minimum of 4 hot dates with The Husband, *venturing out to new places
– Fall Family Pictures
– Watch a football game or two with the husband for more than 5 minutes
– Read 2 new books
– Feed/clothe the homeless
– Pray more, worry less
– Cultivate a heart replete with thankfulness
– Passionately kiss my husband in the pouring rain (for a minimum of 2 minutes), followed by spiced apple cider and a movie by the fire.

So there you have it. My “Autumn Aspirations”. Because life is never picture perfect, it will be interesting to see how this turns out. What will you do to make the most of this season? What are your Autumn Aspirations?

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/autumn-aspirations/feed/0Review: "As One Fitness"http://whattheflicka.com/review-as-one-fitness/
http://whattheflicka.com/review-as-one-fitness/#commentsFri, 12 Oct 2012 11:30:26 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=5175When I first moved to New York nearly 13 years ago, I started to work out with an incredible trainer at Crunch Fitness. George was a perfect fit for me. He knew how to tap into my competitive spirit, but understood that my incredibly out-of-shape body could not keep up with the badass image I had in my head. Instead of pushing me to the breaking point, he knew how to

When I first moved to New York nearly 13 years ago, I started to work out with an incredible trainer at Crunch Fitness. George was a perfect fit for me. He knew how to tap into my competitive spirit, but understood that my incredibly out-of-shape body could not keep up with the badass image I had in my head. Instead of pushing me to the breaking point, he knew how to challenge me to the point of exhaustion, but not defeat. How to point out when I was phoning it in, while encouraging me when my gasps for air were out of desperation rather than laziness. George helped me to establish a foundation of fitness and helped me to realize that I was an athlete-waiting-to-happen.

Fast forward 10 years, 2 kids, 5 marathons and countless Bikram yoga classes later. I was reading Self magazine on a plane back from a conference and stumbled upon a kickass sandbag workout. The article drew me in because it was designed to give you maximum results with minimal equipment and a small commitment of space (something that is at a premium in any New York apartment or home overcrowded with toys and small children). After flipping through the workout, I went back to the opening paragraph to find that the workout was created by George Vafiades (my George!) of As One Fitness.

I jumped onto the website and felt catapulted back in time. George and his partner, Mark Merchant, have created an incredible group workout system that combines all the benefits of personal training with the added boost offered by a group dynamic. With class size limited to 16 people, you get the individual attention of a personal trainer with the bonus of wanting to work harder than the person next to you (not that I’m competitive or anything….).

I entered my first class skeptically. While I looked forward to seeing George after so many years, I hadn’t belonged to a gym since my first son was born (while I’ve recently added Bikram Yoga into my rotation, I worked out on my treadmill or with exercise videos for the past 6+ years). In just over an hour, I did over 150 burpees, 110 mountain climbers, 50 assisted pull ups and 55 each of jumping squats, pushups and dead lifts. It was a killer workout, but I’m proud to say that I held my own. The next day, I couldn’t lift my arms higher than my shoulders and saw more definition in my arms and upper back than I’d seen in years.

Needless to say I came back this week.

If you’re in the New York area, check out As One Fitness at www.as1effect.com. Your first session is FREE!

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/review-as-one-fitness/feed/0The Beauty of Fruits And Vegetableshttp://whattheflicka.com/the-beauty-of-fruits-and-vegetables/
http://whattheflicka.com/the-beauty-of-fruits-and-vegetables/#commentsWed, 10 Oct 2012 12:30:24 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=5138I'm guilty of not eating enough fruits and vegetables. I can still feel like a little kid..."ewww, corn". My favorite vegetable to this day is spinach. The only way my mom got me to eat it when I was younger was to put a little apple cider vinegar on it.

Since we started a garden months ago, my 3-year-old loves to pick green beans off the vine and eat them. That was a real shocker since she never ate them before...

I’m guilty of not eating enough fruits and vegetables. I can still feel like a little kid…”ewww, corn“. My favorite vegetable to this day is spinach. The only way my mom got me to eat it when I was younger was to put a little apple cider vinegar on it.

Since we started a garden months ago, my 3-year-old loves to pick green beans off the vine and eat them. That was a real shocker since she never ate them before, but I love that she is developing more of an interest in healthy food. Having this garden has really shown me the beauty of fruits and vegetables. They are packed with so many goodies. I decided to take a closer look at some.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/the-beauty-of-fruits-and-vegetables/feed/0Overcoming The "I Don't Wants"http://whattheflicka.com/overcoming-the-i-dont-wants/
http://whattheflicka.com/overcoming-the-i-dont-wants/#commentsTue, 09 Oct 2012 18:26:51 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=5118It was one of those mornings when I had so much work that my daily agenda could have wallpapered the Oval Office. But, I didn’t want to get up. "I will lie here in bed", I thought. In my nice cozy bed. Where it is warm and the pillow is soft.

It was one of those mornings when I had so much work that my daily agenda could have wallpapered the Oval Office. But, I didn’t want to get up. “I will lie here in bed”, I thought. In my nice cozy bed. Where it is warm and the pillow is soft.

[Mental pause]

Although, I should probably wash the sheets. And actually, there’s a load of whites I could throw in with the sheets. And the darks are sort of overflowing. And by sort of, I mean my husbands’ socks are all on the floor in a kind of planetary orbit around the hamper.

I really should do the laundry…

But if I’m washing the darks too, I should throw my pajamas in. So I should probably take a shower and put regular clothes on. Which would be good because then I can start in on all that work. But there’s so much work. Maybe I’ll just lie here in bed. Oh, but the sheets…

I’m sure you know this phenomenon. This is the phenomenon of the “I don’t wants”. You know, all those things that you want to do about as much as you want to show up for jury duty or drink sour milk. And there are sooooo many “I don’t wants:”

I don’t want to go to the gym.
I don’t want to go to work early.
I don’t want to stay at work late.
I don’t want to clean up after my child is sick….

In coaching, we call these “tolerations.” These are the things that we have to do but try to avoid. So what to do with these tolerations? And how do we embrace them without resentment?

The other day, a friend of mine and I were talking about this. She was avoiding the gym; I was putting off writing my dissertation. Both of us would have rather done pretty much anything else than what we needed to do — even cleaning the toilet was starting to look good to me. It was that kind of procrastination.

Then we had an idea: Accountability.

“I am promising to go to the gym three days a week,” she said. “Okay,” I said. “In return, I promise to write two pages of my dissertation every day until my chapter is done.”

Somehow, making these promises to each other made them real, and they made them worth more than if we’d just promised ourselves. Now we were responsible to someone else. Now someone else cared about our progress. And somehow, that made the difference. I began reaching my writing goals, sending over a daily text when I did:

“Two pages written!” I would joyfully type. “Getting ice cream to celebrate….” “Just ran three miles,” she would respond. “Getting ice cream to celebrate….” (I usually cocked my head and giggled when she sent that and thanked my lucky stars not to be her culinary accountability partner!) While accountability ultimately helped us embrace our tolerations, there was one last trick we found to push us towards success: Rewards.

In addition to the occasional ice cream, when my friend reached her weight loss goal and I finished my chapter, we agreed to reward ourselves. For us, we decided to make matching contributions to a charity. You may want to do something similar or just do something super indulgent, like go for a celebratory lunch, massage, or manicure or, dare I say it, ice cream cone. Your choice. (But whatever you choose, make sure it’s good, because your reward can be a great motivator for you to reach your goal!) Accountability and a sweet reward can make the “I don’t wants” a little less sour.

What have you done to combat the “I don’t wants?” Have you tried to be accountable to someone or reward yourself for a job well done?

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/overcoming-the-i-dont-wants/feed/0Please, More Serotonin!http://whattheflicka.com/please-more-serotonin/
http://whattheflicka.com/please-more-serotonin/#commentsThu, 13 Sep 2012 13:44:20 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=4338My husband is a Saint...not because he has plateaued at perfection in the moral department, but because he puts up with me. Once a month I threaten the lives of my closest friends, pack my bags and try to abandon my husband and children, go toe to toe with authority, and gain 55lbs (not literally, I'll explain...)

My husband is a Saint…not because he has plateaued at perfection in the moral department, but because he puts up with me. Once a month I threaten the lives of my closest friends, pack my bags and try to abandon my husband and children, go toe to toe with authority, and gain 55lbs (not literally, I’ll explain…). These threats aren’t actualized but they sure are a reality in my over-imaginative head. I go from fun-loving, invigorated, enduring, kind, and any other nice adjective you wanna add in there, to COMPLETE PSYCHO in literally 24 hours. I blame the wondrous hormones God gave me, as do professionals in the medical field. This monthly nervous break-down is more than just an inconvenience. Some funny folks on the internet have made some acronyms for these issues:

I wouldn’t mind having PMS once a month…In fact, PMS is a walk in the park compared to the issues I’m workin’ with. My Dearest Flicka friends, I’ve been cursed with PMS’s demonic and rebellious cousin termed PMDD-aka Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.

Anyway, I write this not to vent or throw myself a pity-party…although both are common during this time of month…I write as a WARNING to the husbands and friends of monthly psychos like myself, and possibly as a wake-up call should you be suffering from such symptoms. If you know someone who goes from sweet to psycho 1-2 weeks each month and you are beginning to wonder if they have split personalities, worry not, it could be hormonal- and it’s 1000X worse for the PSYCHO who is living it. Allow me to demonstrate.

This is a picture that reflects my attitude and demeanor during most days of the month:
I walk around with a Rosie the Riveter attitude, “We Can Do it Girls!” ecstatic about life. During this time, I have a serious crush on the Husband, patience with small children, I enjoy the presence of family and friends, and am generally motivated and content. Then…suddenly, like a ghetto thug who holds me up by gunpoint and steals my joy, comes the hormonal bitch from within trying to start a fight with me and everyone within close proximity. I race to the local coffee shop when I sense her presence and try to stuff my face with serotonin releasing, anti-oxident/flavanoid rich chocolate and caffeinated beverages in hopes to counter the conflict of this erratic alter-ego, but she’s too strong! Suddenly, the husband texts me to ask to pick up something from the store on the way home…I respond with a crude remark, threat to his manhood, and let him know that I hate him and the horrible life we’ve built together, and that I will be leaving him shortly. I restrain myself from imparting physical damage on cars that seem to be driving too slow (and purposely trying to ruin my day) and finally make it home to my seemingly once peaceful sanctuary. EVERYTHING IS OUT OF CONTROL (my overactive and hormonal imagination reacting/ not reality). My house is an absolute mess, my kids have created anarchy and are on the verge of becoming delinquent adolescent criminals running the local drug ring, and my husband doesn’t love me because he thinks I’m fat and ugly.

I rush to the bathroom to wash my face and retreat into my woman cave, far away from other human beings, but this is the reflection I see in the mirror:

I’m a hot mess…and not hot in a good way. I’m exhausted. It feels like I haven’t slept in days. I slam my bedroom door, put myself to sleep, wake up the 9 days later and life is back to normal; as if it was all just a bad dream. As I re-enter the outside world, those in my life begin to gently remove their egg-shell-walking slippers and I get to work trying to repair all the broken people I left in my path when hormones set in and I tried to run-away… Damn it…

One reading this may be feeling the slightest bit depressed and concerned for my husband and children. Dear readers, fret not: My husband has assured me that I am overly dramatic and that I only go psycho on well deserved occasion…told you he’s a saint.
Anyway, after much research and experience I have found some healthy remedies for such hormonal issues, to help maintain composure and sanity. Feel free to share them with any monthly PSYCHOS you feel could benefit from them:

1. RUNNING- not running away from your husband, children, and friends (although that seems like the thing to do during this time of the month) but, running in general is a great mood booster and leaves you feeling revived and ready to go. If you don’t like to run, any form of vigorous activity will do (with the exception of beating down irritating people). Just get moving! P.s. sex is a great aerobic exercise, good for the goose and the gander ; ]
2. SLEEPING- women of the world, QUIT TRYING TO DO IT ALL. Let your body get the much needed and deserved rest it requires to function properly.
3. READING INSPIRATIONAL STUFF AND WRITING IN A JOURNAL- counter those critical thoughts and fill your mind with goodness. Write reminders about your awesome life and things you are thankful for to re-read when the hormones kick-in. The reminders you write when you are sane will help keep you calm when you get crazy.
4. IF ALL ELSE FAILS, PSYCH MEDS- if it’s a serious issue, talk to your doc ladies. Quit feeling guilty…Life is too damn short to feel out of your mind 24/52 weeks out of each year.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/please-more-serotonin/feed/0I’ll Never Meet You But I Love Youhttp://whattheflicka.com/ill-never-meet-you-but-i-love-you/
http://whattheflicka.com/ill-never-meet-you-but-i-love-you/#commentsMon, 20 Aug 2012 23:21:06 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=3816I only knew you existed for such a short time and while it was so hard for me, I thought my feelings about your loss would start to be more manageable, not get worse like it has.

Last year I had a miscarriage and this is something I wrote to try and help the healing process:

I only knew you existed for such a short time and while it was so hard for me, I thought my feelings about your loss would start to be more manageable, not get worse like it has.

I keep thinking about when I saw the little hummingbird when I was 9 weeks along and while she was difficult to make out on the sonagram pictures and being pregnant seemed so surreal, I look at her now and I’m amazed by this person I was a part of creating.

I know you would have been just as incredible.

I’ve had baby names picked out for you for quite a while.

If you were a boy, and something in my gut says you were, we would have named you Benjamin, Ben for short.

If you were a girl, your name would have been Claire.

I’m really trying not to dwell on this but I think about how I would have been a little over 3 months pregnant. I would have been in the “safe” zone now and would be able to tell people of your existence.

But I can’t.

And it kills me.

I was so shocked when I found out about you since it was such a surprise but the shock wore off within a day.

You’re constantly on my mind and my heart has been ripped to shreds.

I want to tell you that I love you and I always will.

I know my love for you will never go away but I hope the pain I have of your loss will get somewhat easier to handle….

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/ill-never-meet-you-but-i-love-you/feed/0Sacrificing Your Mommy-Only Retreathttp://whattheflicka.com/sacrificing-your-mommy-only-retreat/
http://whattheflicka.com/sacrificing-your-mommy-only-retreat/#commentsMon, 20 Aug 2012 15:53:50 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=3807Several years ago, I finally acquired the bathtub of my dreams. It had been a long time coming. I had to sacrifice square feet in the master bedroom but it was worth it because my tranquil spa-like, mommy-only retreat featuring an amazing tub was far more important. My dream was, of course, before I realized there would be no escape from my kids’ demands—not ever. I’ve been in my magnificent tub maybe a half dozen times. Probably less.

Several years ago, I finally acquired the bathtub of my dreams. It had been a long time coming. I had to sacrifice square feet in the master bedroom but it was worth it because my tranquil spa-like, mommy-only retreat featuring an amazing tub was far more important. My dream was, of course, before I realized there would be no escape from my kids’ demands—not ever. I’ve been in my magnificent tub maybe a half dozen times. Probably less.

There is good news, though. The tub is now getting the attention it so deserves. Over this past year, my 4 year-old daughter has staked a claim. In the end, I gladly gifted it to her. Here’s why: I have an 18 year-old son and since teen boys are notorious for their scary-teenage-boy-stuff, I’m good with not sitting on the floor in the kids’ very small, shared bathroom each night during bath time.

My daughter and I made an honest effort to use the guest bathroom tub, too. No dice. For some reason and I still don’t know why, it was just too intimidating for her. I reasoned further that if we received an actual guest, it would be unavailable to us anyway. That left just one more option in our home. My dream tub. I carefully weighed the pros and cons. And caved.

Shortly after giving in, I discovered one awesome benefit for me that came along with the transfer of bathtub ownership. I can now enjoy a longer, almost uninterrupted shower. In our new bathing routine, we add bubble bath and a bazillion toys to a small amount of water. I then watch my daughter enjoy her bath from just a few feet away while I enjoy a now more satisfying shower. It’s a win-win. I do lose my mommy-only retreat but I gain time to actually wash my hair. At this point, I’ll take whatever I can get.

For those about to judge, please don’t. I’m not leaving my child unattended in the bath. I can clearly see my little darling just a few feet away as she revels in the pink bubbles and soaks up her time in the big girl tub. Now that is a real Calgon moment. It’s just not mine.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/sacrificing-your-mommy-only-retreat/feed/0How can you sharpen the pitch of your life?http://whattheflicka.com/how-can-you-sharpen-the-pitch-of-your-life/
http://whattheflicka.com/how-can-you-sharpen-the-pitch-of-your-life/#commentsMon, 13 Aug 2012 15:17:31 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=3611This question came to me in the car yesterday, while I was listening to a recording made by a choir I sang with as a girl. You see, before I became a priest, I earned my bread and butter singing in professional choirs. The groups I sang with tended to perform a lot of early music, so I had to sing with something called a straight tone, which means pretty much what it says—the tone is straight. No wobbling. No vibrato. It’s kind of like the difference between playing the fiddle and the classical violin.

This question came to me in the car yesterday, while I was listening to a recording made by a choir I sang with as a girl. You see, before I became a priest, I earned my bread and butter singing in professional choirs. The groups I sang with tended to perform a lot of early music, so I had to sing with something called a straight tone, which means pretty much what it says—the tone is straight. No wobbling. No vibrato. It’s kind of like the difference between playing the fiddle and the classical violin.

Straight tone music can be haunting and glorious and insanely beautiful, but it takes a lot of discipline to get the pitch straight on, and when you mess up, it’s immediately obvious because there’s nothing to hide behind.

And sometimes, I wanted to hide.

You see, I had a weakness as a musician: From the time I was 10, when I joined my first professional choir, I had a tendency to sing flat. It usually happened when I was nervous or distracted or tired, and it happened because I wouldn’t use the muscles in my belly to support the pitch—kind of like trying to lift a muscle with a bicep weight you don’t flex.

Eventually, I learned to support my pitch: It started with building awareness, learning how the muscles in my lungs and diaphragm worked, listening to myself so I heard the pitch drop. Then I learned the kind of actions I needed to take to literally sharpen up: Inhale deeply, stand straight, imagine the pitch rising…

Even with these corrections, I still had a tendency to let the pitch fall, but understanding why it happened and knowing how to correct it empowered me to become a better singer, instead of making me just feel bad about myself and helpless to correct my imperfections.

And that’s a lesson I can now carry into other parts of my life. Because even though I don’t sing professionally anymore, there are still times when I get distracted or nervous and I fall flat in some way, forgetting a work deadline, or, as I once did, showing up to a church service 30 minutes after it started because I got the time wrong.

I know I’m not the only one who does this—us women are constantly trying to make it all look so easy, trying to be great moms and wives and work colleagues and friends and daughters, and sometimes, we can’t.

Sometimes, we have a flat moment.

But as in singing, flat moments don’t have to rule us. They don’t have to shake our confidence, especially if we understand why we go flat and how to sharpen up.

Can you think of examples of going flat in your life? How might you anticipate those moments? Can you think of some practical ways to correct the pitch?

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/how-can-you-sharpen-the-pitch-of-your-life/feed/0365 Days: Journey To A Year Of Joyhttp://whattheflicka.com/365-days-journey-to-a-year-of-joy/
http://whattheflicka.com/365-days-journey-to-a-year-of-joy/#commentsWed, 25 Jul 2012 20:27:18 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=3399As I enter the last year of my 30’s (how the hell did THAT happen?), I’m feeling pretty darned happy. I have been through hell and back. I have two beautiful children, who have yet to succeed in their on-going attempts to kill me. I have an incredibly loving and supportive husband (he understands and Read the full article...

As I enter the last year of my 30’s (how the hell did THAT happen?), I’m feeling pretty darned happy. I have been through hell and back. I have two beautiful children, who have yet to succeed in their on-going attempts to kill me. I have an incredibly loving and supportive husband (he understands and has come to accept my particular brand of crazy). I have been blessed with family and friends who have my back, and I am finally learning to own my story and claim my place in the world.

So, I have a new challenge for my 39-year. I have decided to make this my Year of Joy. Each and every day for the next 365 days, I commit to follow my joy. No, this doesn’t mean that I’m going to quit my day job or stop doing laundry (though the latter is EXTREMELY tempting). I am going to keep doing the things that need to be done each day, but for the last year of my 30’s I commit to do them in a way that brings me joy. I commit to stop doing things because I “should” and only do things that I truly enjoy. There are no exclusions from this challenge – all areas of my life apply, including career, family, food, exercise, relationships. You name it, I commit to claim the joy in it!

Now, this may sound like a relatively easy assignment, but if you know anything about me (or if you are a mother yourself), you realize how painfully easy it is to live a life of obligation devoid of joy. How easy it is to fill your days with must-do’s rather than want-to-do’s.

And what better time to start this challenge than on my birthday! I started the day off right. Rather than going to Bikram yoga (which I truly adore), I took advantage of my husband’s incredibly sweet gesture of taking the boys to the basement to play and stayed in my bed until 10am. And it was DELICIOUS. I haven’t slept in until 10 in nearly 10 years! It was decadent, delightful and absolutely necessary. A luxury I haven’t allowed myself (though sorely needed) in longer than I can remember. As the boys played in the backyard, I dusted off the MacBook and took advantage of some newfound inspiration to write. Not because I had to, but because I LOVE to write. And now we’re going for a walk around the block on this perfectly gorgeous summer Saturday.

I encourage you to join me on my Journey to a Year of Joy. I’ll track my daily joy on my blog, The Bad Ass Mama Chronicles, and encourage you to journal your journey as well! I’ll add a page to the blog so you can journal your exercises in joy, if you’d like to share them with the BadAssCommunity. Or just track them on your own. But, by all means KEEP TRACK OF YOUR JOY! It’s so easy to overlook, neglect or otherwise ignore the things that make us happy.

Let’s make this our collective best year ever.

[Join Sherice on her Journey to a Year of Joy by following her on Facebook and her blog.]

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/365-days-journey-to-a-year-of-joy/feed/0The Living Is In The Journeyhttp://whattheflicka.com/the-living-is-in-the-journey/
http://whattheflicka.com/the-living-is-in-the-journey/#commentsFri, 20 Jul 2012 17:47:45 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=3355“The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place.” – Barbara DeAngelis Much of my work with clients is about helping them discover his or her preferred life; some would call it goals or hopes, Yogis may call it intent, and others Read the full article...

“The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place.” – Barbara DeAngelis

Much of my work with clients is about helping them discover his or her preferred life; some would call it goals or hopes, Yogis may call it intent, and others God’s destiny. We explore ways to embark on the journey that leads to this preferred life. Whether your hope is to lose 10 lbs, get your child to sleep in his or her own bed or live a more peaceful existence; the work is in the journey.

Yes, these journeys can be beautiful and have unimagined pleasant surprises. However, our life journeys’ are often fraught with failure, pain, and unexpected detours. This is where the hard work begins and when many people get discouraged and give-up, because the attainment seems impossible. But the true value is not in attaining the goal, it’s that you are engaged in the journey at all.

So, how do we navigate toward the life we want and desire, even when it gets tough? Here are just a few ideas that may help…

1. First and foremost, is this really what you want? Whose preferred life are you working toward? It is very difficult to stay motivated and have direction, when you’re working for something you don’t really want. So, you must ask, is this what you want? Or is this what society, family or friends say you SHOULD want? Are you trying to get the kids out of your bed, because everyone says you should or because you want them out? If you like having your children sleep with you, family-bed style, then it may be very difficult to do the steps necessary to get the kids out of your bed. It was difficult for me, and I WANTED them out… I get zero sleep when the kids are in our bed.

2. Falling off the path is to be expected; just get back on. “We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success.” – Samuel Smiles. You can beat yourself up and struggle with feelings of shame and guilt if you fall off the path to your goal. Or you can trade the shame and guilt for big doses of compassion and forgiveness, so that you can learn from the falling-off and move forward. If, on your journey to lose 10 lbs., you fall off the path (or the wagon) and eat two desserts one night (or for me, 10 chocolate kisses with almonds), figure out what you can learn from your mistake and move forward. Personally, I found that I do better if I avoid dessert altogether. Others might feel that they are depriving themselves and they can handle just eating a little bit.

3. It’s ok to take a detour or even change your life plan. One study said that the average person changes careers 7 to 8 times in their life. So, while in pursuit of our dreams, if we take a detour, change directions and allow discovery on our journey, our goals can grow and change with us. Some of my best opportunities in life were not part of the initial plan.

4. Surround yourself with “yes.” If you have a lot of friends that throw up roadblocks with negative thoughts or discouraging words, it might be time to find new, more supportive ones. I sometimes call it “Spring Cleaning.” And yes, we need to do it in our social life as well as our homes. It is important to have good, positive, supportive friends encouraging you to continue your journey, especially when you get tired, overwhelmed and feel like giving up. Friends who have run marathons have said that at around mile 17, the only reason their feet kept moving was because of the people on the sideline shouting their name and words of encouragement. Life is often a marathon, put the right people on the sidelines.

The living is in the journey. Clients will often say, “When (insert goal here) happens, then I will be happy.” Much of my work with clients is helping them find the happy in the journey. Many people call this mindfulness, or being present to experience each moment as it was meant to be.

I would love to hear about a life journey you have been on. Were there roadblocks or detours? Has the goal or hope remained the same, or has it changed as you have moved through the journey?

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/the-living-is-in-the-journey/feed/0The Elle and Aidan Spectrumhttp://whattheflicka.com/the-elle-and-aidan-spectrum/
http://whattheflicka.com/the-elle-and-aidan-spectrum/#commentsMon, 16 Jul 2012 17:51:53 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=3283My twin niece and nephew were learning to ride tricycles the last time I visited. Barely three years old, they donned their helmets and climbed onto the seat, placing their little feet on the pedals. And then they were off, Elle pedaling her tricycle like Lance Armstrong during the final leg of the Tour de Read the full article...

My twin niece and nephew were learning to ride tricycles the last time I visited. Barely three years old, they donned their helmets and climbed onto the seat, placing their little feet on the pedals. And then they were off, Elle pedaling her tricycle like Lance Armstrong during the final leg of the Tour de France. Her eyes focused on the road ahead, her little body swaying from side to side as she pressed her feet down, and her intense focus was only occasionally punctured by her giggles when her little fingers flicked the bike’s bell. I watched her zoom in circles around her home, me jogging to keep up, and midway around one corner, she reached out an arm and pointed.

“I fell there last week,” she said.

“You fell off your bike?” I asked.

“Last week. I fell right there.” And then she zoomed on. Turns out that as she gave Lance a run for his money, she took the corner too hard, lost her balance, and fell onto the pavement.

Meanwhile, as Elle whooshed past the front door, there was Aidan, sitting on his bike, helmet properly fastened, legs in place, occasionally flicking his bell, but otherwise going nowhere. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to pedal — he seemed to understand the concept. It was more that he didn’t get the point: Why move when you can stay? Why push hard when you can relax?

‘The scenery here is lovely,’ I could imagine him saying. ‘Look at the flowers in the front yard — they’re in bloom. And the grass is soft and green. Just don’t see the point of whizzing all around when over here is quite lovely enough.’

So there they were, one twin going for gold even if it resulted in a patella injury, while the other was just chilling out. And there I was, wondering which twin I was more like (Elle) when I realized that we are all somewhere on the Elle and Aidan Spectrum of Tricycle Riding, and where we fall on that spectrum matters.

Or rather, it’s not the pace of how we ride our bicycles that matters so much as the pace of how we live our lives. Like Elle, we might push so fast that we’re constantly in danger of falling off. We worry about if we’re succeeding, how we could do things better, and while we worry, we miss the beautiful scenery along the way. Or like Aidan, we might be so relaxed that we don’t push at all, but without a little movement, we never go anywhere, we never discover exactly what we’re capable of achieving, and one morning, we may wake up wishing we’d tried harder, done more, and that sense of regret can be haunting.

But the grace in all of this is that, like Elle and Aidan learning to ride their tricycles, we get to practice. We can discover — from falling off our metaphorical bikes or from staying put a little too long — how to get the balance just right, and how to move at a comfortable speed that still lets us take in the scenery. Just by paying attention to our own reactions, we can build awareness about the pace of life that feels too fast or the speed that feels to slow. And from the roots of awareness can sprout the flower of change. Once we know what we want to change, once we know the kind of pace we want for our lives, we can make it a reality.

Over the next few days, take a minute to notice the pace you’re pedaling your life’s tricycle, and then imagine how you’d like to be riding.

Do you pace your life like Elle or Aidan? Is it a pace you’d like to change? If so, can you imagine some concrete steps you could take to slow down or quicken your stride?

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/the-elle-and-aidan-spectrum/feed/0Taking The Long Road Homehttp://whattheflicka.com/taking-the-long-road-home/
http://whattheflicka.com/taking-the-long-road-home/#commentsFri, 13 Jul 2012 18:23:32 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=3260I am the queen of efficiency. I embrace the fact that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. I believe in completing tasks in the most time-effective manner possible. I make an effort to touch mail, paperwork or anything that needs to be filed/sorted/managed once, rather than moving it from one spot Read the full article...

I am the queen of efficiency. I embrace the fact that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. I believe in completing tasks in the most time-effective manner possible. I make an effort to touch mail, paperwork or anything that needs to be filed/sorted/managed once, rather than moving it from one spot to the next and waiting to deal with it later. I answer email almost instantaneously. If something needs to be done, more often than not I do it right away – partially to be efficient, mainly because if I don’t I will likely forget about it (darn you, sleep-deprivation-induced short term memory loss!)

But here’s the thing… Being efficient may save time, but it’s f-ing exhausting! I find that the more I do, the more I find that needs to be done – then I’m adding all of those things onto my to-do list as well. More often than not, I even find myself putting off a game of Bingo or watching a movie with the kids to “just finish one more thing”. That might be efficient, but when it comes to what really matters in my life, it sure as hell ain’t effective…

And it’s not just my kids that get the short end of the stick. Connections with friends are all-too-often relegated to a quick browse of my Facebook timeline between meetings. On a good day, maybe a text or phone call on my commute home. I haven’t had a date night with my husband since roughly 2007. But the person who REALLY gets the shaft is me. In my zeal to get it ALL done EVERY day, I cut corners on sleep, pampering and generally sitting still doing nothing. I am perpetual motion from the moment I rise until my head hits the pillow much later than it should every night.

Enough.

There is more to life than efficiency. Completed tasks are over-rated! My new goal is to spend more silly time with my kids doing whatever the hell they want. I will stop telling them to wait, “just one more minute” unless the task at hand is life-or-death. The work will be there when they go to bed. It can wait until the morning. My kids want to play NOW.

On the husband front, we’ve made a deal to schedule in time once a week to re-connect. True, there are rarely roses and violins involved, but knowing that Monday night is coming puts a smile on my face at the end of a long work week (and sometimes an even longer weekend with our two tiny lunatics).

As for me, I’m making more time to stop and smell the roses – or at least sit my butt on the couch for a few minutes after work. I’m 6 weeks in to my Bikram yoga kick, and I’m truly enjoying my 90 minute moving meditation a few times each week. Although a full blown vacation is not in the cards right now, I am taking the time for a few mini-breaks in my otherwise hectic schedule.

This month is yet another BadAssMama Travel-o-Rama (6 cities in 3 weeks). My old routine was to hit the airport at the crack of dawn and return on the first thing smoking to spend less time away from my kids. But after weeks of 6am flights followed by a redeye back home, I usually found myself to sick or cranky to even enjoy them. So, I’m trying a new approach. I’ve been flying into town the night before each meeting and adding some cushion to each itinerary to allow the opportunity to have dinner with a friend in town, order room service and go to bed early, find a local Bikram studio or hit the gym at an hour other than 5am.

These small changes – focusing on the journey rather than how fast I get to the finish line – are already making a huge difference in my stress level, my joy and my patience with life in general. I’ll always be a fan of getting things done quickly, but sometimes it’s better to take the long road home.

The first time I heard my gal pal, Deirdre, refer to her menstrual cycle as “Ladies Holiday,” my Inner Cynic ducked her head out from the boulder she’d been hiding under in my otherwise sunshiny heart, peeling with a frightful laugh she spat out, “Ladies Holiday? BaaaHaa HaaHaa Haaaa! That’s no trip I’d ever wanna take, least of all with you!” Yes, I was jeered by my Inner Cynic, she doesn’t usually harass anyone as harshly as she does me. I have to admit, the devil inside was right, I couldn’t imagine that I would ever refer to my menstrual cycle as a Ladies Holiday.

Ever since my period got into it’s full horrid swing in my early teens, it has been less of a holiday and much more like the climatic final scenes of a Hitchcock film or the entire 129 minutes of the Joan Crawford biopic, Mommie Dearest. Whichever image gives you the most horror, that’s how it was for me and I can see why some people simply call it a “period,” for I can look throughout my life as a menstruating woman and see distinct periods of time that have been forever marked by my actions and reactions during menstruation.

No, for me, “Ladies Holiday” was a much better description for pregnancy. While I have known plenty of women who have reacted to pregnancy with a mixture of excitement and terror at the thought of nine whole months spent growing the thing and the impending doom of sore hips and swollen feet etc., I found my first three pregnancies to be a refreshing holiday from the crazies of menstruation, from adult acne, from emotional outbursts and all of the other lovelies that have accompanied my feminine cycle. Historically, I have felt my very best during pregnancy, not that I didn’t suffer from many of the same aches and pains as any other woman, but in many ways pregnancy was my ultimate and glorious Ladies Holiday.

Maybe by pregnancy number four my luck had run out, or more realistically it was that this pregnancy was occurring after the age of 30, but my most recent pregnancy was different than the others. Gone were the clear skinned days of yore, gone was the relishing of my sexy pregnant curvaceousness, gone was the holiday away from hormonal Crazy Town. Pregnancy #4 was like an all-inclusive 9 month pass into the most wild amusement park of emotion and mental instability you can imagine. OK, maybe I’m being a little melodramatic, but I am writing this while in the throws of menstruation so bare with me. I actually had many wonderful moments, just as with my previous pregnancies… moments of pure joy even. But I cried rivers, I had the worst morning sickness in my history, sore breasts, cramping, complications, emotional upheaval, nothing like I’d had with my previous three. Anyway, you get the picture, it was different… it was like having my period all the time.

I blame the fact that a good part of our first year together coincided with this pregnancy for my partner having bestowed upon me the nickname The Twister, I’ll admit it was well earned. During that 9-month-long visit to the not-so-amusing amusement park of hormonal hell, I was a ride unto myself. As The Twister, I could take anything that my dear Fella’ might say and twist it, turn it, and finally whip it back around with the force of The Zipper swinging treacherously down, or The Scrambler turning suddenly frontwards and then back again. Somehow I didn’t make the man crazy, just very dizzy, very tired, and maybe a bit nauseous at times.

When my daughter was finally born and I had traveled through the sometimes dark and dreary world of the postpartum period, I was excited for my Fella’ to finally get a feel for the actual, real me – you know, the Me that didn’t have daily inner washings of hormones. Somehow, I had completely failed to consider that my period would eventually start again and that the roller-coaster ride of the female menstrual cycle would be a part of our lives until I reached menopause (I can’t even imagine what that will do to me!). In any case, being a breastfeeding mom, I thought I had a good year before my period would start again. I imagined myself frolicking in the glorious meadows of absent menses and empty uterus. But no. My period returned within the first few months of little one’s life and here I am again – One Crazy Bitch – or if you prefer a less maniacal and villainous term, The Twister.

A few nights ago The Twister reared her ugly head again. After a lovely evening sitting by the fire with my Fella’, the kids having been in bed for hours and my darling man and I having just read our first wonderful pages of a book together in an effort to both read more and spend more quality time together, I found The Twister bubbling up from the evil inferno I call my menstruating uterus. My partner had made some comment, an innocuous one really, but it was a comment that I disagreed with. The thing that makes it all worse is that I have a total inferiority complex, especially when it comes to my smarts and especially when conversing with someone as smart and quick witted as my Fella’. Hence, I felt the need to call upon the twisty witch within. As women we know that menstruation doesn’t exactly cause us to get upset about things that we normally wouldn’t, but rather it causes us to react in a larger way, as the things that bother us become magnified by the influx of hormones at “that time of the month.” The tale continues here, although I disagreed with my partner’s comment I was feeling frustrated by my inability to form the argument which supported my opposing opinion, leading to, well, me feeling stupid. He hates that word. I felt “unintelligent.” How did I express my angst, my self-loathing, my totally internal-struggle-that-had-very-little-if-anything-at-all-to-do-with-him? I twisted it, of course.

“You just think I’m stupid!” I accused, like a pouting child. His response was not to acknowledge such a ridiculous statement, especially one that includes one of his least favorite words, but rather to respond with a calm and positive statement.

“We are both who we are, each with our own strengths and weaknesses, I love you exactly as you are.”

WELL!!! I’ll tell you I just knew exactly what he meant by that!

“You see? I knew it! You do think I’m stupid,” I exclaimed, wagging my finger at him both accusingly and as if to say GOTCHA!, then I proceeded to flesh out my theory for him. “Notice how you never said the words ‘no, I don’t think you’re stupid’? Notice how you just meandered around the words with all your Mr.Rogers-esque self-esteem boosting rhetoric? I noticed! You just can’t bare to say the words, you just can’t bare to say that you don’t think I’m stupid, because you really DO think I’m stupid. Instead you just say that you love me as I am which is basically just another way of saying that yes, you think I’m stupid, but you love me anyway. Gaaaah!”

Yup. I said all that. I’m a twister. I twisted it.

Ladies, I know at least some of you have been there. I know at least some of you are just now uncovering your eyes after reading that, cringing empathetically. I know that some of you are falling out of your chairs laughing, because yes, you have been there. I know that I am not alone and that, my dears, is the bright side.

I consider myself to be on a journey. I do believe there is something sacred about womanhood, including our feminine cycles. This belief is another reason why I have always enjoyed pregnancy so much, the entire process of creating, carrying and birthing life is something that I feel both in awe of and privileged to have been able to experience so many times. I am learning now to love all aspects of my womanhood, even the crazies of menstruation. “Ladies Holiday?” Sure. It could be that.

Now that I’ve acknowledged and accepted my PMS induced alter ego, what shall I do? A resolution! I resolve, no longer to get stuck on things that bother me about myself, my womanhood, my life. My journey is about learning how to be on this wild ride of womanhood with a bit more… grace? Perhaps. Mostly, though, I want to travel through life with more self-acceptance, self-assurance, and an ability to move forward through all experiences with growth, light and yes, maybe even grace.

GUEST BLOGGER: Tamar JacobsTamar Jacobs is co-founder and a contributing writer for the women’s lifestyle blog Ladies Holiday and its foodie sister site Aliment. Tamar’s work through Blooming Lotus, her own small business, includes teaching yoga and Pilates classes as well as working as a Birth Doula. Tamar lives with her partner and best friend, Nick, near Eastern Massachusetts where they are raising four wily rascals (a.k.a. Children.) In her spare time, Tamar writes, blog stalks, reads, and explores her artistic side through photography, fiber arts, clay, and sketch.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/ladies-holiday/feed/03 Ways To Bring Summer To YOU!http://whattheflicka.com/3-ways-to-bring-summer-to-you/
http://whattheflicka.com/3-ways-to-bring-summer-to-you/#commentsFri, 29 Jun 2012 19:50:56 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=3059Oh sweet, restful summer. Time for relaxation, rejuvenation, self-restoration. There you are, imagining the twilight of late summer sunsets, enjoying the hope for downtime that seems to be lurking just ahead. And then it begins to happen: Summer begins to pass you by. It happens suddenly, surprisingly, like that first day you dropped your kids Read the full article...

There you are, imagining the twilight of late summer sunsets, enjoying the hope for downtime that seems to be lurking just ahead. And then it begins to happen: Summer begins to pass you by.

It happens suddenly, surprisingly, like that first day you dropped your kids off at camp thinking, ah, I will get a few hours of quiet now (or a few nights of quiet if it’s a sleep away camp). And just as you’re basking in the dream of a romantic dinner with your husband, a camp counselor calls because one of your little ones broke her arm. So now you have to take a few days off of work and then stay late every day the next week to catch up. There’s no romantic dinner and no quiet evenings, and you don’t even get to see those beautiful summer sunsets because you’re stuck at your cubicle or your overheated, cranky child’s side.
But all is not lost, you tell yourself. You will get a summer break because you and your husband promised that even though money is tight, you would find a way to take a family trip this summer because you didn’t get one last summer. ….Or the summer before that.

When did you last have a relaxing day at the beach? (And no, that one where you kept trying to keep your overzealous three-year old from drowning himself in the waves doesn’t count.) Why has every other woman in America read 50 Shades of Grey and you haven’t even had a chance to buy a summer reading book? Is summer really going to just pass you by… Again?

Since being a mom means that life seems to move at hyper-speed, it’s understandable that summer seems to have whizzed past you. And while it may be impossible to find time (or money) to plan that vacation or even to get to the bookstore to buy your copy of an engrossing summer read, there are still some simple ways to bring some sun and fun into your world.

So if you can’t get out this summer, here are three ways to bring summer to you:

1.Make your Bathtub into a Mini-Ocean: Okay, it’s not quite the same, but if you can’t get to the beach because you’re driving your kids to playdates or you don’t live by the water, this is definitely the next best thing. Draw a warm bath, set your phone timer for 45 minutes and then give it to your other half with a reminder that until that timer goes off, you are not to be disturbed. Then relax in luxury. If you want to make the experience more authentic, swirl your hands around to create some waves and throw one of your kid’s rubber duckies in to simulate seagulls. If you have time in advance, buy yourself some bubble bath and grab some summer reading from the library. Best part? You can enjoy your mini-ocean at night and in the rain!2. Make S’Mores in your Kitchen: Camping in the forest isn’t your thing because your kids get poison ivy — which is really just an excuse because you can’t stand being without a shower. (Aside: that last part is totally my projecting myself onto you, dear reader.) That doesn’t mean you need to deny yourself the best part of this summer tradition — s’mores. But how to make this decadent, gooey summer treat without an outdoor fire? You can certainly make them on your backyard grill, but it takes time to heat the grill up, and sometimes, you need that marshmallow-chocolate fix asap, so here’s the trick… Make them in your kitchen. Grab all the fixin’s and grill that marshmallow over the stovetop. It doesn’t matter whether the burner is gas or electric (though you’ll have to be a little careful, if it’s gas, to be wary of the flame). Some extra tricks for yummy goodness: Try substituting Nestle Crunch for the traditional Hershey’s bar to get a different texture or, if you live near a specialty food store, search out this awesome milk chocolate bar made with pop rocks, courtesy of an Israeli company called Elite. And to increase the likelihood of getting real melted chocolate (instead of a solid bar), slide the chocolate piece inside the marshmallow before smushing it with the graham cracker. If you’re watching your waistline just a little, ditch the graham; it’s just a transportation mechanism for the chocolate and marshmallow anyway. If you’re watching your waistline a lot, ditch the chocolate and the graham cracker, and you’re still left with a yummy toasted gooey marshmallow summer treat!

3. Take a Dreamtime Vacation: When I was little, my dad used to read me a bedtime story and then, before I went to sleep, we would take a vacation together. I got to choose the location, and then we would pretend we were there, visiting the Eiffel Tower or walking along Waikiki Beach. We would imagine the people we’d meet and the food we’d gorge ourselves on — everything from gelato to moo shu pork to shepherd’s pie — and then I would go to sleep, dreaming of wherever we’d gone. My dad recently said those nights were a wonderful treat for him because they allowed him to “get away from it all without ever leaving home.” So try it out! Allow yourself to share an imaginary vacation with your child and see that vacation through your child’s eyes. Let yourself drift off to the Taj Mahal or Notre Dame or the Parthenon or a white, fluffy beach. Let yourself be impressed; let the sights, sounds, and tastes of your destination feel as real to you as they do to your child. And after you’re done imagining, when your little one is sleeping and you’re closing her bedroom door, your great summer discovery may be this: Yes, your little twirp with that broken arm is the reason you didn’t get a vacation this year. But she’s also the reason you found a little haven of rest and self-discovery.
And in the end, who really needs 50 Shades of Grey when you can have that?

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/3-ways-to-bring-summer-to-you/feed/0Got Joy?http://whattheflicka.com/got-joy/
http://whattheflicka.com/got-joy/#commentsTue, 26 Jun 2012 18:11:07 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=3050It was a lot easier to relax when I had no kids. Forget the fact that I could sleep in every weekend and had complete control over my bathroom privacy. It was really about being responsible for one life – mine. That’s it. It’s much easier to step back and smell the roses when you Read the full article...

Forget the fact that I could sleep in every weekend and had complete control over my bathroom privacy. It was really about being responsible for one life – mine. That’s it. It’s much easier to step back and smell the roses when you don’t have to worry about a three-year-old tripping and poking himself in the eye with a thorn, or his five-year-old brother trying to push the damned thing up his nose.

If you ask 10 moms, my bet is that at least 9 would say the same thing (and the 10th would be full of crap). Once the kids come along, it is oh-so-easy to lose track of our want-to-do’s in favor of the never-ending list of have-to-do’s.

Since The BadAssMama is ALL about change this week, I say ENOUGH! A life without joy is a life unlived. So what, you have spit up on one shoulder of every outfit you own. We moms have the right – no, the responsibility to find a bit of joy each and every day. Why? Because we haven’t slept since the Clinton administration. And because our kids will live by the example we set. Do you want to see your little ones grow up to be soul-less, empty-eyed robots maniacally checking off a to-do list that will only be filled to overflowing again come morning? Hell, forget my kids – I don’t want to be that person anymore!

So, like any type-A-borderline-OCD personality, I made a list. Not another to-do list, but a stuff I really, really WANT to-do list. Since I’m looking to make some wholesale changes across the board, I divided my list into each area of my life – self, family, marriage, career, spirituality. I didn’t make any timelines or hard-and-fast rules around the list (that would make it yet another must-do anchor around my neck), but I did try to make my goals specific enough that I had a rough idea of how I might go about achieving them.

It was an extremely exhilarating exercise. I can’t remember the last time that I sat down to think about things that I really wanted to do – just for me. I highly recommend it!

To get you started, I thought that I’d share a portion of my list. Here’s some of what I included in the “Self” section:

1. Enjoy the now2. Slow down to truly focus on the details of each moment, rather than thinking about what I need to do next3. Do something frivolously self-indulgent each week (take a bath instead of a shower, get a manicure even though it will chip in 2 days, grab a 10 minute massage while your nails dry)4. Read novels – not just self-help books5. Learn to salsa dance REALLY well6. Connect with one friend each week (Skype, phone call or meal)7. Plan an annual girlfriend’s getaway

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/got-joy/feed/0Self Breast Exam: Paying My Boobs The Respect They Deservehttp://whattheflicka.com/self-breast-exam-paying-my-boobs-the-respect-they-deserve/
http://whattheflicka.com/self-breast-exam-paying-my-boobs-the-respect-they-deserve/#commentsMon, 04 Jun 2012 14:19:36 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=2690Confession: I hate doing breast self-exams. Well, it’s not that I hate them. It’s that I forget about them. Constantly. Every month. And don’t make reminders to help me, not in my datebook, not on my computer, not in my husband’s datebook or computer (Because let’s be honest, he’d probably let me do that, since he’s got a Read the full article...

Well, it’s not that I hate them. It’s that I forget about them. Constantly. Every month. And don’t make reminders to help me, not in my datebook, not on my computer, not in my husband’s datebook or computer (Because let’s be honest, he’d probably let me do that, since he’s got a vested interest in this sort of thing).

Now, here’s the odd part: It’s not that I hate doing breast self-exams because I hate my breasts. I actually think they’re one part of me that’s pretty much all right. They’re not particularly large, but they’re well proportioned to the rest of my body, and with the help of a bra that lifts and pushes them together a little, they really are quite cute. And yet, I’m not looking out for them. Not nearly enough. (Did I mention my mom’s a breast cancer survivor?)

So last week, I decided not to tempt fate any longer; It was time to conquer my breast self-exam denial.

Because I am a confident woman.

Because I want to live a long, healthy life.

Because I want to protect this amazing part of my body that that can literally nourish other lives.

I, like Wonder Woman, would transform myself from my everyday, forgetful self to become a vigilant warrior against breast cancer, examining my breasts on a monthly basis, ready to catch cysts and fibroids and hopefully non-cancerous tumors.

But how, I wondered. How will I remember something I’ve pretty much forgotten to do since I had breasts to examine? I have denied this responsibility from the time they taught us about self-exams in health class to all those times when, in the car or the grocery store or some other thoroughly inconvenient place, I thought, “I need to do that.” Pause. “I’ll make a note.” And then I never followed through. (Okay, maybe I followed through once, but not more than five times. Definitely not more than five times, which, by my calculations, averages to about once every 4.2 years, a good deal shy of the monthly exam doctors suggest.)

Wow, I have work to do. Because it seemed that, like Wonder Woman, some superhero strength was needed for this challenge, I picked up the phone and called my best chick friends knowing that, because they are awesome, they could be the type of women who actually take their bodies seriously and remember to do their monthly self-exams. They wouldn’t be as irresponsible as I was. They would be wiser, more caring towards themselves, because they are my friends, and they are fabulous.

Here are some of their responses:“Never do mine—but that reminds me, I’m due for an annual OB/GYN appointment. Off to call now.” “Never remember. Let me know what you find.” “Does my husband occasionally scoping them out count?” “Wow—cancer runs in my family, so I should, but I don’t.” “This makes me wish I knew Dolly Parton — her breasts are so big, she couldn’t possibly forget to examine them…. Then again, they’re also fake — do you think she can even feel anything there when she checks?” “I don’t, but do you get your moles checked out by a dermatologist each year for skin cancer? You should.”

Now I have to worry about moles too, I thought. Great. Another way in which I’m failing my body.

Finally, I found one friend — after I polled about 20 — who did her monthly exams. “I put a reminder on my phone calendar,” she said, “And I do my exams on the first of the month, the same day my rent is due. That way, I have more than one reminder: Pay the rent and pay my boobs the respect they deserve.”

She acknowledged that, in an ideal world, she would actually check them a few days after her period ended, but that was too complicated to remember, and the fact that she remembered at all was really what mattered. She also acknowledged that it can be a little painful, and all that poking and prodding for something, anything — a lump, puckering skin — was psychologically uncomfortable. But she ultimately said that she owed it to herself and the people who loved her to check: “Many women find cancerous lumps on their own, not because of a doctor or a mammogram,” she said. “I don’t want to be afraid; I want to be empowered to do the same thing.”

Empowered, I thought. I like that. So I hung up the phone and did what I should have done years ago: I finally made a monthly reminder. On my phone. On my computer. And yes, on my husband’s phone and his computer. Not just because I owe it to myself, but also because I owe to my friends and my family to make healthy choices.

I know I’m not alone in forgetting to do monthly breast self-exams. I imagine many of you forget as well, because you’re busy or it doesn’t cross your mind or you’re scared of what you might find. But as my wise friend said, we need to look out for ourselves, just like we unquestioning look out for the people who love us. Because imagine one of your favorite gal pals coming to you and says, “Hey, I forget to check my breasts for cancer, do you have any tips?” We can be the Wonder Women, the ones who say, “Yes. Yes, I do remember. And I can help you remember too.” And being able to do that, I think, is pretty much a super power in and of itself.

For more tips on how and when to do your breast self-exams, click HERE.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/self-breast-exam-paying-my-boobs-the-respect-they-deserve/feed/0You Kiss Your Mother With THAT Mouth?http://whattheflicka.com/you-kiss-your-mother-with-that-mouth/
http://whattheflicka.com/you-kiss-your-mother-with-that-mouth/#commentsTue, 29 May 2012 14:30:17 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=2577If you really got to know me, you would likely ask me that very question. Not because I curse like a sailor (although I have my moments), but because at times the most cutting, nasty, belittling things have been known to come out of my mouth. These tirades are never directed at my children, husband, Read the full article...

If you really got to know me, you would likely ask me that very question. Not because I curse like a sailor (although I have my moments), but because at times the most cutting, nasty, belittling things have been known to come out of my mouth. These tirades are never directed at my children, husband, or employees.

They’re directed at me.

I am VERY hard on myself. Always have been. I am a recovering perfectionist/pessimist, currently in relapse. At any given moment, I can point out at least 15 things that I could be doing better or working harder to achieve. In my head, I am the worst wife and mother on the planet, my arms look like sausages and my butt resembles a small mountain range. At any moment, my employer will realize that I have NO business running a division, everyone who reads my blog will determine that I suck as a writer, my husband will leave me and I will die broke and alone.

And that’s on a GOOD day.

I think it’s a disease unique to women that takes on a particularly vicious strain among mothers. We are responsible for SO much, every day. There is so much we want to do well, so much at stake that it’s oh-so-easy to slip into the “I’ll never get anything right, I’m the biggest loser on the planet” mode. We speak to ourselves in ways that we would never imagine speaking to those that we love, and common decency prevents us from ever speaking to a stranger in this manner.

But we speak to ourselves like this on a near-daily basis.

I say it’s time to stop the madness. If we can’t be kind to ourselves, how are we going to teach our kids to love and respect themselves? So, I’m issuing a challenge: Try to say 3 nice things to yourself every day this week. We’ll work on replacing the nasty talk with words that are more kind, rather than obsessing over what we CAN’T say (yet another thing to beat ourselves up over).

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/you-kiss-your-mother-with-that-mouth/feed/0Music Helps Soothe The Soulhttp://whattheflicka.com/music-helps-soothe-the-soul/
http://whattheflicka.com/music-helps-soothe-the-soul/#commentsMon, 28 May 2012 21:02:37 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=2572For as long as I can remember, music has been a big part of my life. At the age of 3, I had a thing for Shaun Cassidy. I vaguely remember any of this, but my mom never lets me forget and we still laugh about it. Shaun apparently was also my imaginary friend and Read the full article...

At the age of 3, I had a thing for Shaun Cassidy. I vaguely remember any of this, but my mom never lets me forget and we still laugh about it. Shaun apparently was also my imaginary friend and once at a restaurant, I kept on telling my mom that Shaun would have to go to the bathroom. She led us there once, but refused my repeated requests afterwards. I would also have her set our dinner table with a place for Shaun Cassidy.

When I was about 4 or 5, I would put on my mom’s Queen records and stand on a step-stool in the living room like it was a stage, singing my heart out. It made me feel strong when I was feeling physically weak and the music really moved me, especially at a time when I was sick. I was born with a congenital heart defect and had open heart surgery at 5. Music is what helped me get through being poked and prodded by doctors from the time I was born.

For me, music is just as important as air. Now that I’m a mom it’s even more of a need. A break from hearing Elmo and The Wiggles.

After being with a 3 year-old all day, I take a music break to re-energize when my daughter’s busy watching her favorite cartoon or hopefully napping. I usually turn to Damien Rice’s hauntingly beautiful O and Andrew Bird’s brilliant Armchair Apocrypha. A music break helps relax me, but also gives me the lift I need to get through the day.

I’ve been dealing with depression and music is what helps me get out of my head, which is such a nice escape from my internal dialogue. With depression and panic attacks, it can feel like you’re a prisoner in your own body and when I’m singing along to a song, it’s just me and the song and none of the irrational thoughts going through my mind.

I may have a singing voice that will make your ears bleed, but luckily for the universe, I only sing when I’m alone. Or when I think I’m alone. Yesterday I had to make a drive that totaled 1.5 hours. I’ve never liked driving, it makes my anxiety go through the roof, but Adele was helping to calm my nerves. I had just gotten off the freeway and came to a stoplight where I was now listening to Rumour Has It and was singing my lungs out. I didn’t notice any cars around and was really bringing my car dance moves home when I started to shimmy my chest. Then I looked over and saw a guy in a truck that had pulled up next to me and he was staring. I thought I would die of embarrassment.

Rain or shine, through good times and bad, music helps to soothe my soul.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/music-helps-soothe-the-soul/feed/0Crazy Quilt: A Mother’s College Send-Offhttp://whattheflicka.com/crazy-quilt-a-mothers-college-send-off/
http://whattheflicka.com/crazy-quilt-a-mothers-college-send-off/#commentsFri, 25 May 2012 20:03:14 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=2566I’m making a quilt for my son who is going away to college at the end of August. It’s insane for me to be taking this on. I am a mother of two teenagers, a writer and a teacher, and do not have endless free time to sit around making things, or quite frankly, any Read the full article...

I’m making a quilt for my son who is going away to college at the end of August. It’s insane for me to be taking this on. I am a mother of two teenagers, a writer and a teacher, and do not have endless free time to sit around making things, or quite frankly, any time to sit around making things, but I’m finding as I sit on my porch and sew the patches together that time seems to expand. A good friend who studied art therapy told me once that working in three dimensions — like sewing or knitting — helps with depression and anxiety. It’s true, I find it incredibly calming and even cheering to take two patches, one ivory muslin, and one blue print, face them inside out, and sew them together with the even stitches I learned from my mother. Knowing that one day (God willing before August 23rd), they will form a quilt that will accompany my son to a college where the winters are cold, makes it that much sweeter.

Let’s be clear, I would never have entertained the idea of making a quilt for anybody without the inspiration and help of my friend, Marjorie, who writes books about making beautiful things, and patiently sat with me on a Sunday morning, figured out the style of quilt (a four-patch, alternating light and dark), the math (a 60 x 72 inch quilt means 120 6 1/2 inch squares), let me root through her giant box of quilting fabric, and then used something that looked like a pizza cutter to make a perfect stack of blue and white squares while I — eating her homemade scones and strawberry jam — watched.

This story isn’t about making a quilt, though, it’s about the fact that my seventeen year-old son is going away to college in the fall. It’s about an ending and a beginning. In my yoga class we’re studying the Upanishads — a Hindu text about the essence of being human — and today’s lesson was about the inevitability of endings, and how every ending holds within it a beginning. I am willing to believe this, but the hard part for me is that I can’t see my beginning. I only know the ending, that next year my son isn’t going to tromp down the street every day after school in his size 10 1/2 Adidas, push the screen door open, and say “Hey!”

Like a child’s blanket, this quilt is a transitional object for me. In stitching the patches together, I’m holding my sadness about this ending, and my faith in this beginning. I will be okay, and it comforts me to know that next winter the quilt will be on my son’s dorm bed, or even his dorm floor. That and a care package of vitamins, herbal teas, and organic cold prevention remedies. I’m only human.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/crazy-quilt-a-mothers-college-send-off/feed/0How To Reduce Stress & Avoid Burnouthttp://whattheflicka.com/how-to-reduce-stress-avoid-burnout/
http://whattheflicka.com/how-to-reduce-stress-avoid-burnout/#commentsWed, 23 May 2012 23:22:03 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=2510Your kids announce at eleven o’clock at night that they have a project due the next day that involves creating a mini-ecosystem. Your mother calls begging you to come visit because she hasn’t seen you in too long. Your spouse seems to work overtime every night and your car’s engine light is on for no Read the full article...

Your kids announce at eleven o’clock at night that they have a project due the next day that involves creating a mini-ecosystem. Your mother calls begging you to come visit because she hasn’t seen you in too long. Your spouse seems to work overtime every night and your car’s engine light is on for no apparent reason and your neighbors seem to throw loud parties every night, and all you can think is, “Isn’t there someone else who can manage my life for me?”

If you find yourself overwhelmed by your world, you could be suffering from stress or burnout. How are these different? When you’re stressed, there’s a sense of being overwhelmed — you’re hyperaware of every little thing that’s burdening you, and it all feels out of your control. Burnout is just the opposite: when you’re burned out, you’ve lost interest in everything.

No interest in doing the laundry or watching another school play rehearsal. You’ve just had enough of it all.

So when you’re stressed, you may feel like you need to make decisions rapidly to keep up with everything; you may feel overwhelmed by your emotions, like you’re going to cry or scream all the time, and you may have a hard time calming your brain down from its overactive state. If you’re burned out, instead of feeling overly emotional, you may feel emotion-less. You may feel like disengaging or detaching from your obligations or activities because they don’t feel life-giving anymore.

If burnout sounds a fair bit like depression, there are good reasons for that. Prolonged burnout can lead to clinical depression, which is characterized by symptoms like fatigue, hopelessness, lack of energy, and loss of interest in activities. The difference, though, is that burnout is brought about by prolonged stress, and with some lifestyle changes that alleviate that stress, the feelings can dissipate. In contrast, depression is a kind of heaviness that won’t go away even when stressors are gone. If you think you’re suffering from depression, seeking support from a doctor, social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist can help.

But if you’re looking for ways to cope with the stress and burnout, small changes to your lifestyle can make all the difference. And luckily, even though the symptoms are different, you can respond to them in similar ways.

So here are some tips that may help if this time of year is bringing out the stressed and burned out in you:

1. Don’t Forget to Eat and Sleep: Eating and sleeping are two of our most primal needs. Without these, our bodies get exhausted, worn down, and are more likely to get sick. It may be hard to find time to eat when you’re chasing after a toddler, trying to get them to consume anything green, and sleep may feel impossible if you have an infant that wakes up every three hours. But providing for your basic needs is a primary way to fight stress and burnout. If possible, try to have your spouse take care of some night feedings, and when you cook those healthy meals for your toddler, make sure to cook enough for yourself. In addition to it being good for you, modeling this for your children will make them more likely to act the same way.

2. Create Time For Your Own Restoration: As counterintuitive as it may seem, when you create space for yourself, it will feel like there’s more space in the rest of your life. So even though you know you should be spending the morning shopping for supplies for that mini-ecosystem, take an hour and go for a walk outside or listen to your favorite music on the way to work or go to a yoga class over your lunch hour. The refreshment you will derive from these activities will help give you energy to get through the rest of the day.

3. Create Boundaries: A friend of mine has this great button on her desk that says, “No!” when you press it. It’s a reminder of the importance of creating healthy boundaries, and part of that means learning how to say no. Saying no doesn’t come naturally to many of us busy women, and if it’s difficult to say no on an average day, when you’re stressed or burned out, it can feel impossible. But here’s the secret: When you listen to yourself and say no when you need to, it will become more manageable to say no and create healthy boundaries in the future.

4. Bulk up your Support System: When you’re feeling burned out or stressed, it can feel natural to isolate yourself from your support system: You don’t have time for friends when you’re so busy. You don’t want to talk about the things that are bothering you. Avoidance is just easier. But even though it seems counterintuitive, sometimes what you need most is to be near the people you trust. Because no matter how burned out or stressed you are, there is no problem so terrible that it isn’t made at least a little lighter by sharing the weight with someone else. Strengthening your support system may mean asking a friend to bring over lunch, so you’re not watching your infant alone. It may mean joining a support group for moms, or calling your own mother and arranging to go for a walk or to a movie or asking her to help you with that mini-ecosystem. Either way, having a strong support system is a great buffer against the effects of stress and burnout.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/how-to-reduce-stress-avoid-burnout/feed/0Bracing For Impacthttp://whattheflicka.com/bracing-for-impact/
http://whattheflicka.com/bracing-for-impact/#commentsMon, 21 May 2012 18:45:21 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=2392It is next-to-impossible to relax when you are constantly bracing for impact. Let me explain. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting on the need for more peace in my life – particularly in my home. By peace, I really mean quiet, stillness, lack-of-busyness-and-general-hysteria. A tall order with two-under-the-age-of-five, but a noble goal nonetheless. Read the full article...

It is next-to-impossible to relax when you are constantly bracing for impact.

Let me explain.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting on the need for more peace in my life – particularly in my home. By peace, I really mean quiet, stillness, lack-of-busyness-and-general-hysteria. A tall order with two-under-the-age-of-five, but a noble goal nonetheless.

I can’t remember what I was reading last night, but it struck me to my core. This article proposed that women, especially mothers, are constantly bracing for impact. We clench our bellies waiting for the proverbial punch in the gut; hold our breath hoping the day goes by without incident or accident. Whisper silent prayers for safety and silence.

This act of thinking and planning ahead can be a good thing. It helps us to get our families where they need to be, with the all of things they need to do whatever it is that they are doing. It keeps us fed, properly clothed, and provided for. But it can also make us crazy. It is IMPOSSIBLE to relax when you are always bracing for impact. You cannot enjoy this moment when you are constantly planning for the next one. You cannot exhale while you are waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Anyone who knows me can tell you that I am nothing if not an advanced planner. I make it a habit to think and prepare 10 steps ahead, and have always followed the philosophy of “I’d rather have and not need than need and not have” when it comes to preparing for potential catastrophes – both real and perceived. I also have an almost complete lack of ability to enjoy the moment – to live in the now.

I’m beginning to think that this constant desire to be prepared is the source of my utter lack of peace. I try so hard to prepare for every contingency, to plan ahead, to “save” everyone, that my days are spent focused on everything that might go wrong, instead of truly appreciating everything that is marvelously right in my world.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/bracing-for-impact/feed/0I Have A Running Problem…http://whattheflicka.com/i-have-a-running-problem/
http://whattheflicka.com/i-have-a-running-problem/#commentsFri, 11 May 2012 18:00:06 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=1952Are you a runner? And not the kind on a treadmill. I have a running problem. Not the kind of running problem that happens when you’ve been logging in 18 miles a day and develop shin splints, but then power through the pain even when a fragile little tear is forming at the inside corner Read the full article...

I have a running problem. Not the kind of running problem that happens when you’ve been logging in 18 miles a day and develop shin splints, but then power through the pain even when a fragile little tear is forming at the inside corner of your eye as your feet pound pound pound the pavement because you’re a goddamn gladiator.

No, not that kind.

I run from problems.

Maybe you claim to be the type of person that doesn’t run from problems. In that case, let me be the first to point out that you may have a problem with lying.

People this advice will speak to: young people, old people, rich people, poor people, people with fake boobies, people with real boobies, people who appreciate Tupac, people with no taste in music, people who appreciate a smooth hit of crack, people who Just Say No, and honest people.

People this advice will not speak to: People with Denial Issues.

I’m not just talking about big problems (the kind that could land you in serious debt or at Heartbreak Hotel). Maybe you’re the type of person to walk away from a copier machine at Kinko’s after jamming it instead of asking a friendly copy expert to help you fix the machine. Not that I would do something so juvenile and dishonest. I should also add here that I’m no longer allowed inside the Kinko’s on Wilshire Boulevard in Beverly Hills. Make of that information what you will.

For a long time, I told myself that I wasn’t running, I was simply, “not wasting my time on bullshit.” Which was bullshit. Now, I ask myself this one question when I am about to walk away: When this moment becomes a memory, will I regret not sticking it out?

I then remind myself: No deposit, No return.

Well, it’s actually not quite so succinct or eloquent when it’s running through my head. It’s more like, “Are you going to man-up, girl? Are you going to see this thing through like a brave adult?”

When something becomes too tough or too complicated or too scary, I want to walk away and put it out of my mind. I don’t want to devote the precious time it takes to see it through because I hate being vulnerable, and I hate feeling like a loser. Misunderstanding with a friend? Just unfriend her on Facebook. Rough day with a partner? Erase all sweet reminders and drown my sorrows in cheap champagne. Writer’s block? Smash the computer with my bare fists and renew my vows to full-time thuggery (Is that even a word? Let’s pretend it is.).

I don’t want to be that person anymore. If I fall flat on my face, so be it. If I end up crying in a bar at 2:47 p.m. in a faraway city because something didn’t work out, so be it. I’m just going to keep on keepin’ on. Because some things are worth it. Because occasionally, when I practice being dedicated, motivated and patient, the payoff is immense. Mind-blowing, even.

I’m afraid. But I’m pushing through it.

How do you decide when to stick something out – a new hobby, job, relationship, friendship, relocation….?

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/i-have-a-running-problem/feed/0Baby Steps Into Joyhttp://whattheflicka.com/baby-steps-into-joy/
http://whattheflicka.com/baby-steps-into-joy/#commentsThu, 10 May 2012 18:42:08 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=1946Almost nothing makes me happier than to help people. Don’t get me wrong, not in the saintly way, but quite the opposite actually, in the selfish way. Turning someone on to a face cream, a recipe, teacher, book, exercise regime, etc. gives me so much pleasure that it really is very much motivated by a desire Read the full article...

Almost nothing makes me happier than to help people. Don’t get me wrong, not in the saintly way, but quite the opposite actually, in the selfish way. Turning someone on to a face cream, a recipe, teacher, book, exercise regime, etc. gives me so much pleasure that it really is very much motivated by a desire to feel good myself.

Since my stint on Dancing With The Stars, I consistently have women, of a certain age especially, faces aglow, talk to me about how much they loved watching me dance. It gave them a vicarious pleasure seeing someone their age “leaving it all on the floor.”

I think the main reason I said yes to the reality dance contest (something I had never considered doing prior) was the sense that I had relinquished my love of dancing when I got older, and nothing since then had really given me such a direct hit of joy. I had done yoga for years, then of course I did Pilates forever, and before that I had been a devotee of Jane Fonda. I always eventually grew tired of the sameness and drudgery associated with the gym. I was constantly looking for that new thrill that could get me moving so I could feel good, look good, and stay healthy.

My husband, Clark Gregg (one of Flicka’s oldest friends btw), had become obsessed with basketball a few years back, and now lives for his tri-weekly games. It inspired me to consider doing some kind of exercise that made me happy.

Since I was known for being in the movie Dirty Dancing, dancing seemed like a no brainer. But I had long ago decided that, not only was I “too old” to dance, but I had a dirty little secret that I wanted to keep secret: I can’t learn a dance combination. Never could, still can’t. Well, I can, but not until my feet are bleeding. Maybe it’s a “learning difference” of sorts.

Now, the only the difference is: I DON’T CARE! I want the best shortcut to JOY, which is what I experience when my body is in motion, good music is playing, and the noise in my brain is turned off temporarily. I am in FLOW*.

I can’t believe that for all those years, 23 to be exact, my ego, thinking that everybody would see I was an idiot or a fraud, kept me so self conscious that I robbed myself of something that had been one of my favorite things to do as a young person. And if that weren’t enough, I was more attached to my own limiting belief systems about being “too old” or some such crap than I was attached to my own happiness.

Now, I have to ask myself, what else did I used to love? What can I reclaim, that has been sitting in some dusty old cupboard of keepsakes in my brain? What if we regularly took stock of what we needed personally, like we do when we are stocking the fridge, and do something to make our spirit sing? Being a mother and a wife has added so much to my life, but that has had to come out of my pie chart somewhere. So then I ask myself, what other yummy pieces of pie can I take back?

If you made a list of what you miss doing, and decided to take one action this week to rekindle that flame, what would that feel like? If you feel your pulse quicken, or if you find yourself smiling as you Google some key words… you might be on the right track.

Me, I want to dance more.

* Flow is the mental state of operation in which a person in an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity…Flow is completely focused motivation. It is a single-minded immersion and represents perhaps the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performing and learning. In flow, the emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand. To be caught in the ennui of depression or the agitation of anxiety is to be barred from flow. The hallmark of flow is a feeling of spontaneous joy, even rapture, while performing a task although flow is also described as a deep focus on nothing but the activity – not even oneself or one’s emotions.Source:Wikipedia

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/baby-steps-into-joy/feed/1There’s NO Complaining In My Happy Placehttp://whattheflicka.com/theres-no-complaining-in-my-happy-place/
http://whattheflicka.com/theres-no-complaining-in-my-happy-place/#commentsTue, 01 May 2012 21:36:20 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=1590I made the mistake of taking my youngest child (who is more difficult than any third child should be, by the way) to my happy place… The Philadelphia Premium Outlets. What? I love to shop AND I love a good bargain. It’s a win/win situation. As a general rule, I do not take any of Read the full article...

I made the mistake of taking my youngest child (who is more difficult than any third child should be, by the way) to my happy place… The Philadelphia Premium Outlets. What? I love to shop AND I love a good bargain. It’s a win/win situation. As a general rule, I do not take any of the boys with me because they hate shopping and will inevitably tarnish my image of it – there is no complaining in my happy place.

However, this was an emergency – I had to return something, and according to my receipt, had already passed the point where I could get actual money back. The most I could hope for was an even exchange or store credit. And so, it had to be done. I had to bring the boy with me to the outlets. The store in question? Kate Spade. “We can do this,” I told him (and myself) on the 40 minute drive. “We’ll just go into one store to return one thing. Maybe we can look around at all the pretty purses that Mommy loves. You can even help me pick out a new one!” Now that was a stroke of brilliance… until it BACKFIRED.

While walking around the store, he was immediately drawn to a beach bag in his favorite colors, green and blue. “This is the one, Mommy,” he proudly announced. I made a fuss over his choice, “That is so nice, buddy, but I already have a beach bag. Let’s keep looking. How about this one?” He remained adamant “Nope. This one.” I walked around that store, showing him everything I liked, but he kept taking me back to the one he had chosen. Sensing my time was running out, I grabbed a cute, tan tote with white polka dots and pink straps and got into line. And that’s when the complaining started. “I don’t like that bag, why don’t you get the other bag? It is green and blue and it is my favorite! This is not fair!” I looked at him, “REALLY?”

He continued whining, pouting and complaining about the horrible injustice of it all, the entire time I was in line, through the return process, leaving the store and on our way back to the car. At one point, an older couple stopped us, “Aw, is he having a bad day?” “Yes, he’s having a horrible day… I didn’t get the purse he wanted me to buy at Kate Spade.” To which he added, “I like the green and blue one and Mommy got the tan one and I don’t like it. Now I am sad!” He even added a few boo-hoo-hoos to it. Trust me, he was working it. Someday, when he’s an actor and I am being interviewed by Oprah, I will talk about this moment.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/theres-no-complaining-in-my-happy-place/feed/0What A Mom Needshttp://whattheflicka.com/what-a-mom-needs/
http://whattheflicka.com/what-a-mom-needs/#commentsMon, 23 Apr 2012 18:32:05 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=1505In the hustle and bustle of life with kids in tow, it’s easy to forget about yourself. I mean, really, who could blame you? When you’re focused on wiping noses, packing lunches, doing laundry, checking homework, sometimes keeping a day job and generally keeping your children from killing their fool-selves, we moms can forget that Read the full article...

In the hustle and bustle of life with kids in tow, it’s easy to forget about yourself. I mean, really, who could blame you? When you’re focused on wiping noses, packing lunches, doing laundry, checking homework, sometimes keeping a day job and generally keeping your children from killing their fool-selves, we moms can forget that we have needs too. And I don’t mean basic survival needs like food, water and adequate sleep (we’ve given up on those YEARS ago). I mean the things that maintain the teensy sliver of sanity that we have left.

So, in no particular order, here are a few things that every mom needs:

• Time to sit in silence in your own house• A few hours alone with a good book or, even better, a dear friend• To pee in peace• Permission to admit when you’ve made a mistake or don’t know the answer• Rocky road ice cream• To spend a full day in your pajamas – by choice• A reminder that you are beautiful… and not just on the inside• To do one nice thing for yourself – and ONLY yourself – every day (even if it’s just locking yourself in the bathroom to read a magazine)• To eat at least one meal each day sitting down• A full night’s sleep at least once per week (The BadAssMama is a realist, people. I know this isn’t going to happen EVERY day)• To know that you are a great mom… whether your kids remember to tell you so or not

We feel proud of ourselves for finding time and energy for a date night. We get dressed up (or, more likely, we don’t), we get to the restaurant, we sit down, we get our menus, Eric’s eyes scan up and down the columns, and he chooses something. And I pass through the door into some kind of culinary torture chamber:

We feel proud of ourselves for finding time and energy for a date night. We get dressed up (or, more likely, we don’t), we get to the restaurant, we sit down, we get our menus, Eric’s eyes scan up and down the columns, and he chooses something. And I pass through the door into some kind of culinary torture chamber:

I should order the cheapest thing on the menu.

But the cheapest thing on the menu is fried, and that’s not good for me.

I should order the healthiest thing on the menu.

But what exactly is the healthiest thing on the menu? The entrée with the least fat? The most fiber? The lowest calories? Minimum processing? Maybe I should look at the appetizers. No added sugar? Low salt? All of the above? But which of these items has all of the above requirements? Ah—the vegetable soup. But is there enough protein in it? If I don’t have enough protein, it could affect my fertility. And will I be hungry in an hour if all I eat is vegetable soup? What if the vegetables are soggy? I don’t like soggy vegetables. I should ask the waiter if the vegetables are soggy. Am I being high maintenance? I hate being high maintenance. But it’s for my health. Oh, maybe I should order this spinach salad because the spinach is raw and raw vegetables have more nutrients than cooked ones do. But the avocado dressing is sure to be high in fat. Perhaps they will substitute a balsamic vinaigrette….

Less than ten minutes into date night, I will have spoiled any dreams I had for a romantic evening with unwarranted levels of anxiety as I pepper the waiter with questions about saturated fat. The words saturated fat should never be mentioned on a date. Ever.

Eric, meanwhile, has ordered. And when his meal comes, it is undoubtedly more delicious than mine. And so I eat half of it and feel guilty that I ate more of his French fries than I should have and wonder why my spinach salad with no dressing isn’t quite as delicious as I thought it would be.

I know I’m not the only woman among us whose mind cartwheels down a hill at every meal. Most women worry about body image and weight and food, and those worries intensify during stressful periods in life, which seem to occur, well, unfortunately, always. Whether you’re chasing after small children, trying to get them to eat their broccoli trees while you have no time to munch on their stems, or whether you’re hurrying to a meeting and run into McDonald’s because nothing else is as fast, you know how stressful eating can be. And yet, food is supposed to nourish our bodies. It’s supposed to help us instead of being one more unpleasant part of our day.

So what can we do?

Since I’ve been struggling with this issue myself, I’ve been trying to practice something called mindful eating. In Buddhism, mindful eating involves eating thoughtfully, trying to really taste every bite of food and contemplate how its purpose is to provide nourishment and enjoyment. Mindful eaters often consume meals silently, slowly, so they can focus on what they’re putting into their bodies instead of being distracted by the television and screaming toddlers and a text from your boss who needs something-right-now-and-it-cannot-wait.

Dedicated mindful eaters might eat an entire meal in silence, putting their forks down between bites and chewing a single bite of food 50 or 80 times or sometimes for several minutes. “But wait a minute,” I hear you saying. “I don’t have time to chew each bite of food 97 times.” I hear you, dear reader. Neither do I.

So I’ve been doing something I like to call Modified Mindful Eating For The Modern Active Woman. I know I don’t have the time or the patience to spend twenty minutes chewing a piece of cauliflower. But I can turn the television off and silence my cell phone. And I can say a short word of thanks before every meal that I have a delicious breakfast, lunch, or dinner when so many do not. I can also promise myself to really savor the first bite of every meal, to smell its delicious aroma as I raise the fork to my lips, to chew at least 10 times — not 97 — so that all my taste buds get energized.

I find that even just by taking these small steps, my awareness of why I’m eating — to nourish myself, not to punish myself for a bad day or reward myself for a good one — is heightened. And because I’m eating for the right reasons, it makes it easier to choose healthy foods and for my body to speak up when I’ve eaten just the right amount of them.

So while many of us may not have time to jump into the deep end of the mindful eating pool, wading in the shallow corner can still offer benefits to our bodies and spirits. Whether you sip your coffee a little more slowly, eat that late night dinner away from your computer, or chew 10 times instead of three, it can make every meal a less torturous experience.

It can even bring the romance back to date night.

Are you thinking of incorporating some mindful eating tips into your life? What are they?

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/mindful-eating/feed/0Toughen Up, Ladyhttp://whattheflicka.com/toughen-up-lady/
http://whattheflicka.com/toughen-up-lady/#commentsWed, 11 Apr 2012 15:00:03 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=1311Motherhood – it ain’t for the weak or the thin-skinned. And heaven help you if you’re a people pleaser. Let me explain. I have always been a typical Type-A-perfectionist-overachiever mixed with a nearly insatiable need to please. While this can lead to a rather productive and quite expensive lifetime of therapy as a single career Read the full article...

Motherhood – it ain’t for the weak or the thin-skinned. And heaven help you if you’re a people pleaser.

Let me explain.

I have always been a typical Type-A-perfectionist-overachiever mixed with a nearly insatiable need to please. While this can lead to a rather productive and quite expensive lifetime of therapy as a single career woman, it’s basically a one-way ticket to insanity as a mom. I learned relatively early on in the mommy-game that my perfectionism and sanity could not peacefully coexist. But the need to please has proved to be a much trickier vice to shake.

The moment you announce your pregnancy (or begin to show), everyone AND your mother will feel the need – no, the DUTY – to add their two cents to everything from the most basic to the most inane parenting details:

“You know breast is best”“Pureeing your own organic baby food is really the only way to go”“You’re not considering co-sleeping, are you?”“Don’t you think two years is a little too close between kids?”“So, when are you going to stop working? You’re not considering sending your kids to DAYCARE, are you?”

Once the kids are actually out and kicking, it only gets worse. Whether they’ve had 15 kids or barely keep their cats alive, everyone AND your mother feel the need to comment on your sheer and utter incompetence as a mother:

“You know they only act that way because you ALLOW them to”“Leave her with me for a week, and we’ll knock that potty training thing right out”“My goodness, why is your house SO LOUD?”“Do you always let your kids watch TV while eating Skittles at 7am?”

So, here’s a little piece of advice from the BadAssMama to all you mothers trying to make it through the day: Only YOU can decide what’s best for your family. As long as you are focusing on the best outcome possible for your kids, you’re doing alright. Grow a thicker skin, come up with some awesome one-liners or buy a pair of earplugs.

Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one. Just focus on keeping yours and your little one’s clean. Everyone else can deal with their own sh*t….

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/toughen-up-lady/feed/0Latest Obsessions: Bath Editionhttp://whattheflicka.com/latest-obsessions-bath-edition/
http://whattheflicka.com/latest-obsessions-bath-edition/#commentsTue, 10 Apr 2012 19:05:35 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=1248“There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know many of them.” ― Sylvia Plath This week it’s all about the bath! My Mother took baths, never showers. I think it must have been a generational thing. But then again she had eight children so probably the only Read the full article...

“There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know many of them.” ― Sylvia Plath

This week it’s all about the bath!

My Mother took baths, never showers. I think it must have been a generational thing. But then again she had eight children so probably the only sane thing to do at the end of the day was to take a long, super-hot bath that simmers all the crazy out. And consequently my siblings and I love them too. We all stagger out of Japanese-hot baths, lie on our beds sweating, trying not to faint.

Winston Churchill (and there is the best biography about him by William Manchester) held meetings while in his bath and gave dictation: funny, not a great visual, but funny. There is a fabulous story where Churchill, who was staying in the White House for a summit (it was during WW2) stepped naked from his bathroom as FDR wheeled into his room. FDR quickly turned around to leave and Churchill held up a detaining hand and said; “The Prime Minister of Great Britain has nothing to hide from the President of the United States.”

Here are my favorite bath treats:1. Kneipps: Herbal Bath essential oils. It is a little pricey (3.4 fl.oz is around $14-$20 USD), but a few drops is all you need and they are amazing. I always ask for these on my birthday. My favorites are Spruce, Lavender, and Melissa.

2. Epsom salts: I am crazy about Epsom salts. I recently started pouring about 2 cups in my bath at night and it helped me sleep, eased my sore muscles, and I felt so much calmer that I finally had to look up the benefits online. Listen to this:

“Stress drains the body of magnesium and increases levels of adrenaline. When dissolved in warm water, Epsom salt is absorbed through the skin and replenishes the level of magnesium in the body. The magnesium helps to produce serotonin, a mood-elevating chemical within the brain that creates a feeling of calm and relaxation. Magnesium ions also relax and reduce irritability by lowering the effects of adrenaline. They lower blood pressure, create a relaxed feeling, improve sleep and concentration, and help muscles and nerves to function properly.”

No wonder I love it! I get the big 3 or 4 pound bags because I use about 2 cups per bath and that can get pricey. You can find them at the grocery store or the link above has 10lbs for about $12 USD. Lavender and Eucalyptus are my favorites.

3. Alpha Keri Moisture Rich Oil: This is bath oil that mixes really well with water. I find a lot of bath oils just float around on top and when you get out half of your body is moisturized and the other half didn’t come in contact with the oil. This is great for when you are on the beach and you can’t seem to keep your skin nourished. It has a delicate fragrance and a little goes a long way.

4. Rainbath by Neutrogena: This is a body wash but I put it in my tub like bubble bath. It lathers really wall and has a great scent. I used this all through college, it was a treat, but didn’t break my bank account.

5. Vitabath: Growing up when one of my six older sisters splurged and got VitaBath it was an event. It represented the allure of the older sister, and sophistication beyond belief. I still love it now. It is pricey. A 32 oz. bottle is around $26 USD, but just like the Kniepp essential bath oils, I get it for my birthday.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/latest-obsessions-bath-edition/feed/0Small Lifestyle Changes = Large Changes For Your Healthhttp://whattheflicka.com/small-lifestyle-changes-large-changes-for-your-health/
http://whattheflicka.com/small-lifestyle-changes-large-changes-for-your-health/#commentsMon, 09 Apr 2012 18:25:07 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=1227[Editor’s Note: Elle Davis is not a health professional or expert. The advice and tips she is sharing are her real-woman experiences with weight loss.] I’m not an expert when it comes to exercise or eating right, but I’ve been trying to eat healthier. After my little girl was born and I stopped pumping, I Read the full article...

[Editor’s Note: Elle Davis is not a health professional or expert. The advice and tips she is sharing are her real-woman experiences with weight loss.]

I’m not an expert when it comes to exercise or eating right, but I’ve been trying to eat healthier. After my little girl was born and I stopped pumping, I tried the diet that has food that you don’t have to refrigerate. Gag. I also tried the one with very low carbs and I only made it one day. That diet plan made me feel absolutely horrible and I couldn’t keep up with the little hummingbird. So, I thought I’d try eating real food, *GASP!*, but just less of it and it was easier than I thought it would be. It’s not to say that I didn’t think about eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s or some brownies (they use a lot of food commercials at night….the bastards). I’ve never added up the calories to what I eat, but it’s in moderation. It doesn’t leave me starving and it helps me drop some of the baby weight I still have.

So here we go….

Photo via.Hide your scale – I don’t have a scale in my bathroom, because if I see I’ve only lost 0.5 lbs when I’ve been eating healthy all week, it makes me crazy. My hubby has a scale in his bathroom so there are times when I cheat and weigh myself anyway, but I always regret it just as much as I regret that guy I dated when I was 18. It’s the “what in the hell was I thinking” regret.

Photo via.Great cereal - I saw the Ezekiel cereal in Whole Foods and thought I would give it a try. I’ll be honest, chewing on a cardboard box would probably be tastier, but it did start to taste a little better once it soaked in the milk for a bit. If I could compare it, the cereal would be closest to Grape-Nuts.

Then something happened. I wasn’t starving an hour or two later like I would with my fruity pebbles regular cereal. So, I tried it the next day and I felt good. It seems to have the perfect balance of calories, fat, and protein for me.Photo via.Healthier food - Once my breakfast got healthier, so did my lunch, then my dinner. For lunch I usually have a sandwich that has regular cheese, just not as much as I would normally have. I also have some carrot sticks or grape tomatoes dipped in a little Ranch dressing. If I want chips then I have them, but I go by the serving size.

For dinner since my husband normally cooks and it can be fattening, I just have a small portion of what he makes along with a salad. When it comes to dressing for the salad, I LOVE blue cheese dressing, but it’s full of fat. I take a bit of dressing and mix it with some fat-free milk which thins it out so I can have my favorite salad dressing, just not with so much fat. I also like using the salad spritzer dressings. For snacks I’ll have greek yogurt, an orange, string cheese and crackers, apple slices, and protein bars. I even have a small piece or two of chocolate when the craving hits. Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches also help to satisfy my sweet tooth.

Photo via.Greek yogurt - I love yogurt, but I’m lactose intolerant so if I eat it, I’m miserable. Greek yogurt doesn’t do that to me and I read somewhere that it’s because of the way it’s made, although I don’t know if that’s a fact. It’s full of protein and so good. It’s also great to eat frozen, especially when you have a craving for ice cream.

Photo via.Water - I can get sick of water pretty easily, so I put lemon, lime, or orange slices in my water to keep it from getting boring. An easy way to know just how much water you need is to cut your weight in half and you’ll get how many ounces you should be drinking. So, if you weigh 130 pounds, you’d drink 65 ounces of water a day.

I also love drinking sparkling cranberry and blood orange drinks, so to reduce the calories I fill half a glass with sparkling water and the rest with the cranberry or orange fizzy drink. Give it a stir and voila.

If I didn’t have caffeine, I’d probably die but I also make sure to drink more water. Usually I add about 4 ounces of water to my daily intake. Yesterday, after I dropped my daughter off at preschool I was really wanting an iced coffee, but I know the calories are that of a meal, so I went home and made my own. No, it doesn’t have the same deliciousness as the coffee-house ones, but it still helps my craving. I’ve been trying to keep some chilled coffee on hand so all I have to do is add that to ice, add some Splenda, then mix some fat-free milk and stir that into a glass (sometimes I add a tad of fat-free whipped cream to the top). You can also put it in a blender. Just think of all the calories you’d be saving.

Photo via.Exercise - Since my hubby hasn’t put together our new elliptical machine (if I try to put something together, it ends up looking like a Dr. Seuss project), I use my exercise dvd’s like the 30 Day Shred. I alternate from high impact exercise to Pilates or ballet dvd’s. A couple of times a week I also use my hand and ankle weights for about 15 minutes and do some really basic arm and leg lifts.

Some things to remember…1. Don’t beat yourself up if you give into your cravings and end up eating 5 cookies instead on 1. I used to let that give me license to eat crap for the rest of the day. Just get back on track and don’t be hard on yourself. Change takes time.2. If you don’t feel like exercising just get moving no matter what it is, like taking the kids to the park. Every little bit helps. I have plenty of those days, so I’ll take the little hummingbird to the park and pull her in her red wagon. Walking to the park, while low impact, is better than nothing at all.3. Don’t beat yourself up.4. It took time to gain weight, so it’s going to take time to lose it. I used to hate that saying for some reason, but it’s true.5. Don’t beat yourself up.6. Love yourself and your body no matter what shape and size.

What other tips do you have for you for staying healthy? Share your weight loss stories with us!

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/small-lifestyle-changes-large-changes-for-your-health/feed/0The Spiritual Importance Of Resthttp://whattheflicka.com/the-spiritual-importance-of-rest/
http://whattheflicka.com/the-spiritual-importance-of-rest/#commentsMon, 02 Apr 2012 15:00:23 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=1084We all need rest, but how many of active ladies actually get it? Many of us work on the weekends. Motherhood is a fulltime job with no day off, and even sleep isn’t always restorative, as any new mother can tell you. So how can busy women and mothers find time for rest in a Read the full article...

We all need rest, but how many of active ladies actually get it? Many of us work on the weekends. Motherhood is a fulltime job with no day off, and even sleep isn’t always restorative, as any new mother can tell you. So how can busy women and mothers find time for rest in a society that’s constantly pressuring us to be moving?

Many faith traditions offer insights about the importance of rest and some suggestions for what rest looks like. You don’t need to be a follower of these traditions to incorporate some of their wisdom. You don’t even need to believe in God. Hopefully, these practices — many of which have been around for thousands of years — will inspire some of your own.

For instance, in Judaism, from sunset Friday to sunset Saturday evening, no work is allowed. Followers begin their Sabbath on Friday night with a family meal, and the goal is to have enough leftovers so that no cooking is done on Saturday. Only rest (and attendance in synagogue) is allowed.

How might you incorporate Judaism’s wisdom into your life? Designate cook-free time and find ways to make it happen. Designate one night of the week when there’s no cooking. You’re allowed to prepare a big meal the day before or freeze some favorite dishes so that you’ll have them at hand. Takeout is also a good option. The important thing is, for one night, not to stress over food preparation.

Here’s another tradition for you: In Mormonism, followers adhere to a Sunday Sabbath as well as something called a Family Home Meeting night. Family Home Meeting nights usually occur on Mondays and are times when families learn about their faith together, often through family members giving talks or presentations—including children.

How might you incorporate Mormonism’s wisdom into your own life? This may seem impossible, but try to find one day or evening when you and your family agree to rest. Then define what rest is for you. Rest may look like a day where you outlaw all non-family activities, whether it’s a work meeting or a soccer practice. Instead, you might watch movies or do art projects or play baseball together. It might also be a day when everyone does something they find enjoyable, which would mean soccer practice is allowed (but not that work meeting). Remember: It’s up to you to define what’s restful for you.

Finally, in Buddhism, rest days are called Uposatha. The frequency of these rest days varies depending on the sect of Buddhism, but they tend to occur once a week and emphasize cleansing the mind. On rest days, Buddhists might go to the monastery to meditate or make an offering. Others abstain from sexual activity, wearing makeup, and drinking. On Uposatha, Buddhist monks also confess their wrongdoings.

How might you incorporate Buddhism’s wisdom into your life? It seems like there’s never any time for self-reflection during the week. We find ourselves running around, making reactive decisions, not even knowing why we’re making certain choices because we’re too busy to figure that out. In Buddhism, rest provides an opportunity for followers to consider how they’ve been living and what they would like to do differently. As part of your rest time, reflect on your day or your week. Think about what you did well and what you’d like to improve. Don’t yell or judge yourself for mistakes, but recognize them, give them a nod, and then try to act differently in the future.

Remember: Rest time is your time. You get to define what rest means to you, and you can decide how to take it. Hopefully, these traditions will inspire you to think of rest in some new and life-giving ways. Because to keep up with that young child and that hectic work schedule, you need a little time off.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/the-spiritual-importance-of-rest/feed/0Exercise: More Pain, Less Gainhttp://whattheflicka.com/exercise-more-pain-less-gain/
http://whattheflicka.com/exercise-more-pain-less-gain/#commentsFri, 30 Mar 2012 17:50:29 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=1053There are supposedly six million ways to die. I’m not sure if this fact is true because I heard it in a rap song, but much of the knowledge I’ve acquired in life is from hardcore rap lyrics, so let’s just assume this information is correct. I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about Read the full article...

There are supposedly six million ways to die. I’m not sure if this fact is true because I heard it in a rap song, but much of the knowledge I’ve acquired in life is from hardcore rap lyrics, so let’s just assume this information is correct.

I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about “The D Word” because I’m dedicated to avoiding hefty life tasks such as setting long-term goals, understanding taxes, acquiring marketable skills, or thinking about my eventual demise.

I may not obsess over death, but some primal instinct keeps me from doing things that put me in harms way. Like exercising.

Recently, I –

…Fell off a treadmill – while the belt was still moving. Distracted by a rousing news segment on water bottle consumption, I forgot to put one foot in front of the other. I just got up casually, looked around to see if anyone noticed, and bought a Twix bar to console myself. You know what tastes better than blood, sweat, and tears? Chocolate. And caramel. And a crispy biscuit finger.

…Took a Zumba class. I could go into all the sordid details of this experience, but really, I still want you to respect me a little bit because I care what you think, so that’s pretty much all I can say about the incident.

…Tried to take a leisurely walk around my neighborhood. I ran into a pole. Personally, I think it moved into my path, but my family disagrees. They claim that poles can’t move. Haters.

Each brush at attempted fitness has left an ugly scar on my psyche. And, in some cases, my shin.

I’ve tried exercises that don’t involve so much motion, like weight training. Except, I usually get distracted halfway through my routine (Oh my Jesus, look at that moth! It’s so…so….brown!) and stop what I’m doing. I assume at some point, my body is going to start looking all lopsided and shit.

Sure, I’ve got the whole primal instinct thing going on, but I’ve also been blessed with an unusually small amount of common sense, so I’m renewing my vows to get fit.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/the-6-stages-of-parental-sleep-deprivation/feed/0Does it Get ANY Easier?http://whattheflicka.com/does-it-get-any-easier/
http://whattheflicka.com/does-it-get-any-easier/#commentsWed, 21 Mar 2012 18:05:47 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=887I’ve bumped into my fair share of books and blog posts lately lamenting the fact that motherhood, despite the rumors, does NOT get any easier. They claim that we simply trade the nights of colic and projectile vomit for boogers and temper tantrums, all-too-quickly followed by fears of sex, drugs and rock & roll (or Read the full article...

I’ve bumped into my fair share of books and blog posts lately lamenting the fact that motherhood, despite the rumors, does NOT get any easier. They claim that we simply trade the nights of colic and projectile vomit for boogers and temper tantrums, all-too-quickly followed by fears of sex, drugs and rock & roll (or something like that).

I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a load of crap.

Don’t get me wrong. My days as a mom are far from a bed of roses (unless the smell of little boy pee counts as roses…). But now that my tiny terrors are 3 and 5, I can confidently say that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

My case may have been more extreme than most, but the early days around BadAssMama Central were nothing short of a battle zone. The first six weeks were a blurry haze of gas, acid reflux, sleep deprivation, seedy yellow breast milk poo and lots of tears (both mine and the babies’). Both boys nursed, on demand, every 90 minutes for the first 10 months of their lives. My first son did not sleep through the night until he was nearly 18 months old. When the baby boy arrived just shy of 2 years later, we were SO afraid to disturb the big boy’s hard-earned sleep patterns that we kept the baby in our room for almost a year, and JUMPED whenever he made a peep (SHHHH!!!! Don’t wake up your big brother!). And the aforementioned 23 month spacing between kids, while it seemed to make sense at the moment, resulted in roughly 3 years of back-to-back pregnancy/breast feeding and nearly 4 years of less than 4 hours of sleep per night (I’ve done the math. I’d have to live to roughly 127 to make up THAT sleep deficit…).

After all that, I’m pretty sure that prison or an extended hospital stay would seem like a piece of cake. Bring on the terrible twos and tumultuous teen years. At least I can hope for a full night’s sleep.

In all seriousness, while I may still be covered in boogers and peanut butter, life is a lot lighter these days. Since they are so close in age, my boys are each other’s best friends. They can play together without a battle royale breaking out for at least 45 minutes at a stretch, and they are even big enough to play alone in the backyard while I make dinner. The walls and refrigerator are covered with their artwork, spelling and number worksheets. Now that the days are a bit warmer, we end each evening with a walk around the neighborhood – listening to the birds and counting the flowers. And we’ve fallen into a beautiful bedtime routine of bath, books and bed – followed by a snuggly rendition of “Man in the Moon” by yours truly.

It’s true. With each age and stage comes a new set of challenges. But The BadAssMama is a true believer that things DO get easier. Hang in there, mamas…

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/does-it-get-any-easier/feed/05 Ways to Enliven Your Spirit in 5 Minutes or Lesshttp://whattheflicka.com/5-ways-to-enliven-your-spirit-in-5-minutes-or-less/
http://whattheflicka.com/5-ways-to-enliven-your-spirit-in-5-minutes-or-less/#commentsTue, 20 Mar 2012 19:52:34 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=858Finding time to feed your soul is hard when you’re writing up a grocery list, placing an internet order for your niece’s birthday present, and changing a diaper… all at the same time. But having a spiritual practice of some sort can be really grounding, especially when, while changing that diaper, the phone rings about Read the full article...

Finding time to feed your soul is hard when you’re writing up a grocery list, placing an internet order for your niece’s birthday present, and changing a diaper… all at the same time. But having a spiritual practice of some sort can be really grounding, especially when, while changing that diaper, the phone rings about that job interview you’ve been hoping to get and you feel like your brain is about to explode because you’re out of hands and even if you could pick the phone up, you wouldn’t be able to hear your future boss because of your wailing baby.

So what can you do to strengthen that inner zen when you’re already overcommitted? Here are five tips to enrich your spirit in five minutes or less:

1. Turn the Car Into A Spiritual Oasis:Say you’re going to pick your kids up from soccer. You have five minutes in the car alone, and you’re catching up on the day’s news or you’re waiting for your favorite song to play on the radio or you’re texting, but then you stop because you know you shouldn’t be texting, but then you pick up your phone again, because you feel this compulsion to send that text before you forget. Before you know it, your adrenaline is rushing, your brain is overstimulated, and your phone “Blings!” with a text to respond to your text just as you get to soccer practice and your kids get in the car, and they’re loud, and your five minutes of potential calm are gone.Try this tip to cultivate your inner zen instead: Turn the radio off. Silence your phone. And for five minutes, drive in silence and let your spirit be your guide. If you believe in God, this is a good time for prayer. You can start a conversation with God by saying something like, “God, today I am anxious about…” or “God, today I hope for…” or just sit in silence with God like you might with a good friend. If God-language isn’t your thing, you might try repeating a mantra like, “I am grateful for today’s gifts” or this modified version of the Alcoholics Anonymous Serenity Prayer, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

2. Moment of Silence Before A Meal: With almost half of the world living in poverty, it’s important to remember that food is a blessing. So before nourishing your body, take a moment of silence in thanksgiving for that gift. You might quietly give thanks for the farmers who wake up early to plow their fields and feed their animals, the attendants at the grocery store, and the goodness of your own body. You might also try to think of one good thing you will do for another person with the energy that comes from your meal, even if it’s just helping your son with his homework or cleaning that mess your husband made in the bathroom when he was rushing to get to work in the morning.

3. Housework Meditation: Which brings us to housework. While you’re cleaning up that mess your husband made, or vacuuming or emptying the dishwasher, use that time for meditation. Think of a phrase that works for you, like the Serenity Prayer above, and just say it over and over again as you vacuum back and forth or scrub that bathtub. By the time you’re done, not only your house but also your soul will feel less cluttered.

4. Late Night Reflections: There’s something about late nights that feels calm and ethereal. So if you’re the last person in your home to go to sleep, take a few minutes as you’re turning out all those lights the kids left on to think of one or two beautiful moments in your day for which you’re grateful. Or if you’re up at 2 a.m., cuddling in a glider, exhausted and doing night feeds for your three-month old, that time is great for prayer, and your exhaustion might actually help you be more honest than during the day when your guard is up. If late nights aren’t for you, try setting your alarm five minutes before you need to get up, then sit in bed for the extra time and think of some hopes for your day or for your friends and family.

5. Make a Song a Mantra: Recently, I’ve had Miranda Lambert’s “Heart Like Mine” on replay. The lyrics are a great reminder that I’m not perfect, and that’s okay, but since it’s a message I need to hear over and over again, I listen over and over again. Finding that song that tells you what you need to hear can be more nourishing to the soul than chicken soup is to a person with the flu. If you’re looking for a song to help you overcome life’s challenges, you might listen to Jewel’s “Stronger Woman” or Reba McEntire’s “I’m a Survivor.” If you need a tune to make you realize that you are just who you need to be, try “Who I Am” by Jessica Andrews. And if you just want a song to perk up your mood, you can’t beat Jason Segel singing “Life’s a Happy Song” or Martina McBride’s “Happy Girl.” Oh, and don’t be afraid to sing along!

These five tips show that it doesn’t take hours to cultivate your inner zen and you don’t need any special tools or training. In just five minutes, the remaining hours of your day can be calmer, more fulfilling and life-giving. And the joy that you get from those hours? Well, that might be the best soul food of all.

]]>http://whattheflicka.com/5-ways-to-enliven-your-spirit-in-5-minutes-or-less/feed/0Just Relaxhttp://whattheflicka.com/just-relax-new-mom-motherhood/
http://whattheflicka.com/just-relax-new-mom-motherhood/#commentsThu, 01 Mar 2012 08:06:16 +0000http://whattheflicka.com/?p=295If there’s one thing I share with prospective and new moms, it’s to relax and don’t sweat the small stuff. I’m well aware just how ridiculous it must sound to these moms-to-be and new moms. How many times have we watched a new mom struggle to find her place in the motherhood? We’ve watched her Read the full article...

If there’s one thing I share with prospective and new moms, it’s to relax and don’t sweat the small stuff. I’m well aware just how ridiculous it must sound to these moms-to-be and new moms.

How many times have we watched a new mom struggle to find her place in the motherhood? We’ve watched her pretend to love being a mom. We’ve watched her cry. We’ve watched her berate herself over and again for not measuring up to someone else’s standard.

We’ve all been there. Some of us stay there for what seems like a very long time. I’ve said this many times before and I stand by these words: it is what it is. When we decide to allow motherhood to be what it is, then we find the true wonder. It’s at that point that we can stop pretending. Some of us get it right away and some of us may take a little longer but that’s okay.

I’m fortunate to have learned early on to relax as a mom. It’s not an easy thing to do. But I love to challenge myself and so I did as a new mom and still do. I’m determined to enjoy motherhood, even at its toughest.

I remember the day of my infant son’s baptism well. For obvious reasons, of course, but also because it was the day I decided that I was good enough to be a mom.

An in-law made a surprisingly warm-hearted comment to me, which remains a strong memory for me to this day. It happened after the baptism ceremony, while I held my baby and watched my own mom cut into the cake. She couldn’t have picked a better time to tell me that she was impressed with my relaxed mannerism and outward happiness as a mom. I smiled affectionately at her. I didn’t know what to say so I just smiled and thanked her.

I’ll never forget that moment. It was defining for me.

Maybe it was the way I held my son. I distinctly recall holding him against my body but facing away from me. Picture me giving a baby the Heimlich maneuver. Yes, that’s the position.

Maybe it was the way I let things just happen that day. It made no difference to me that brunch was served late or that it rained non-stop. Nor did I care on that day that my pant size was still in double digits.

Whatever it was that my in-law observed on that day 17 years ago, I’m grateful to her for bringing it to my attention. She’s responsible for much of my mom sanity today.

It’s not to say that I don’t have bad days with my kids. Oh, I have my fair share. I feel the same pains that other moms feel and I am forced to make the same difficult sacrifices. I have meltdowns. I deal with guilt. And I beat myself up for not doing a better job. But I always bounce back at the end of each day and remind myself how I love my children with every breath. Then I rouse my perspective again.

I also remind myself of the giant bucket of margaritas that has become a Mother’s Day tradition for the women in my family.