A fat lard is a person who has no sense of what is socially acceptable.

They don't understand boundaries.

They WILL tell you ANYTHING they are thinking.

For example, my fat lard Rutch just texted me a story out of the blue:

"Yesterday I shaved my legs," she began with. "But it wasn't until I was going to bed when I noticed I only shaved one and a half legs."

To a fat lard, stories like these would never be thought of as weird or TMI. No way. In fact, to a lard, stories like these are news worthy.

Fat lards also make insanely loud munching noises while they eat.

They enjoy the company of cats.

They use their boobs as furniture and as a place to hide things.

They judge people sometimes.. those people judge them back.

There are many more characteristics of a fat lard, and to name them all would take an unknown amount of time. But I promise you that there are many characteristics of a fat lard, and that Rutch has them all.

If you believe that you have the characteristics of a fat lard, I am sorry. There is no known cure, and no funding for researchers to find one. Once you become a lard, you're a lard for life.