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About Me

I am a below knee amputee. More importantly, I am also Mommy to two boys, a very active 10 year old (Robby) and an mischievous toddler (Timmy). I have learned that being a parent with a disability can create some unusual and sometimes humorous situations.
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Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Faking It

The
past few days I have been in "fake it til you're festive" mode. Usually
bursting with holiday spirit, I'm just not feeling overwhelmingly jolly
this year. I suspect that waiting for test results for Timmy's
autoimmune issues is beginning to wear on my spirits. I jump every time
the phone rings, anxious for the doctor to call with information. I find
myself looking at the calendar with more annoyance that doctors offices
will be closed than with joy that the holidays are upon us. Living in
diagnosis limbo is draining!

I
am also fairly certain that Robby no longer believes in Santa Claus.
The fact that he now refers to him with air quotes was a strong
indicator, but he is such a sweet kid that he will probably never
verbalize his discovery. I fully anticipate his playing along
indefinitely for fear of hurting my feelings. Knowing that he no longer
fully believes in the magic of Santa saddens me because it is another
hallmark of growing up.

Timmy is too young to appreciate Santa.
Right now he grabs me with a death clutch and buries his face whenever
he hears jingle bells and "ho ho ho-ing." I think that next year he'll
fully embrace the magic, but this year he will probably have nightmares
thinking about the scary man in red slithering down the chimney in the
middle of the night.

Decorations this year are kept to a
minimum, partly because I just haven't been motivated to schlep up the
boxes and put them out but also because I know that many of my treasures
would be ruined by my little toddler tornado. Right now, everything is
safer packed away in boxes in the garage. We have our short chubby tree,
brightly adorned with 1500 little lights but no ornaments. Since nobody
in the house has noticed the undecorated tree, I'm not going to the
effort of digging through the boxes for our unbreakable ornaments. This
year we are having a minimalist Christmas, and this year I'm embracing
that it is enough.