Saturday, May 17, 2008

I have come to the conclusion that the reason whythis place suits me is that it serves as a mental buffer as Iam a person who thinks, lives and breathes on the margins.

My thoughts and views are not mainstream. I mean, the blogis named Model Minority for a reason.

When I am talking race with a white person, or Black masculinitywith a woman, or "welfare reform" with a Latino Libertarian,many time I depart these conversations feeling like I am on themargin of the margins. It can be a lonely place.

However, I am not complaining, in fact, I think that is why Bk'lynholds me down the way that it does.

For instance, I was on the 3 train this morning, and all 35 peopleon the train were Black. EVEN though, many times, my thoughts,politics, and beliefs place me in the margin of the margins, In that moment, on the train, I am not on the margin of the marginsand it isn't as lonely.Speaking of Brooklyn. Last night I was walking on Fulton withFilthy and we got the bugged out ice grills from the older Black men.Normally he doesn't notice, but this time, it not only struck me,but him as well.

I pointed that when I was here last, that we were walking around,and that didn't happen. But he reminded me that we weren't inthe hood, we were downtown and in Fort Green which of course, is adifferent animal.

The other side of it is that folks smile at us. On two occasionsyesterday at the MOMA, women smiled at us. I imagine thatweare a sight. Me with my tight jeans, bucket hat, and big greenearrings, he with the train conductor jeans, apple hat and country@ss accent, an interesting mess.

We all know that I am already paranoid. Now being out with a whitedude will add an extra layer of "Did he/she just say that to mebecause I just walked into this bodega/restaurant /Banana Republicwith someone who isn't black?"

For instance, we stopped inside that pattie place on Flatbush last night.The server was taking his sweet time to give me my food, and whenhe handed me my change he dropped my coins. I was like is this isthis how its going to be? Black men doing little sh-t to irk me in publicbecause they disapprove?

Filthy pointed out two things. The first thing was that that onits, face it may seem like the cashier was trying to disrespect, but hewasn't very friendly to the customer just ahead of me, so he just may be agrumpy @ss to everyone. But, once I got outside, I tasted thepattie and it was all warm, good and full of vegetables. The secondthing that he pointed out was that while he was taking is time,it could be indicative of him trying to hook me up with the proper pattie.

So. In the end, you never know why people do what they do.The most important thing, I am coming to understand is that 70% ofwhat people say and do to you has nothing to do with you. Nothing.

How do you avoid taking things personal?When was the last time you took something personal?

I do exactly what he was telling you most times, re-think the situation. Sometimes I just somehow pay no mind..I k.i.m. I got a job to do and no time to worry about someone acking like a mountain goat..