It helps

I've never fully opened up to anyone ...I don't know if I'm even opening up right now. Well I'm someone who well has never had much self esteem mainly because of my pretty crappy childhood. Every body seems to think I'm okay because I laugh and have a swell time with everyone, but every time I go back to my room I try very hard not to break down by doing really useless nonsense to keep me from thinking. I well sorta started going to this website, this p*** website where one posts their ads and ask random strangers to come and f*** them. Well, I've got a pretty decent looking body with pierced t*** and I use that to my advantage on the site. And the guys I usually go for are young, teenaged white guys who've never been or would like to be with a black chick (i'm 23 and black). I've never had people tell me I was beautiful for most of my life, it's always been making it aware how very unattractive I am, I've had guys telling me *you're ugly* ... so if it takes young guys to worship my body and do whatever they want to it to make me feel f****** attractive then I shall resort to f******...since it helps in making me feel like at least someone wants me. :(

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Hi there, this post just makes me so sad. Everyone deserves to be loved and feel loved and be admired, feel appreciated-that's human nature. So I can understand why you would want to do this but you need to realize that the men on that site do not care they are there to have s** that's it, will this lead to a relationship, would you want someone like that to even be your partner? These people aren't coming over when you are crying and just had an absolutely terrible day, their coming to have s** and leave. You want praise and attention but your getting it from the wrong place. You are beautiful and deserve more than this. The first step is to stop this respect yourself, and have a positive attitude you have to think like "this person should be happy to have me as a girlfriend" they should work harder to be with you and the one that does work hard to be with you is the person who will give you that TRUE companionship love and respect your looking for. What your doing is not fully satisfying you and I think you know that because why else would you be posting this? It breaks my heart that you need to do that to feel better. Please you need to be more confident and respect yourself. Another thing to think about is that you don't truely know these people be cautious of sexually transmitted diseases, everyone thinks it won't happen well it could, always always always get your partner tested out before having s** with as a 22 year old girl I always go by this rule, and this rule has worked: I never have s** with anyone until I love them and see that they are treating me right, usually I will wait a year that is my rule I am kind of conservative but you know I really am with the love of my life. Respect yourself first and only then will others do the same. I wish you all the best and please promise me you will stop doing this !