The nitty gritty of life as a first-time mommy. Everything but the kitchen sink.

Manifest Destiny

Tonight, for the first time in ages I looked back to a few old photos while cleaning the computer of all our thousands of pictures. It was amazing sitting there by myself and seeing just how much Garrett had grown and how far he has come over the months. Heck, I would like to say that I think Bryan and I are doing an okay job at this parenting thing. Although, that wouldn’t be truthful given the twenty times a day that I wonder relentlessly to myself on how in the world this child is doing fine with me as his mother- who has been known to leave a heating pot of soup on the stove for over a half an hour before *oops* realizing it was there (I can’t smell ANYTHING dang-it!) or that half the time I’m really only guessing whether it’s his teeth bothering him or he’s sick and we should call the doctor.

Aside from all that, as I started looking through a few more photos that are scattered on the laptop computer, I became a bit sad that I was no longer pregnant. Yep, it hit me like a TON of bricks! I never thought I would be one of those women, but alas I am. I miss feeling my belly all round and all the other areas go pudgy. I miss feeling a tiny flutter and then those first few rolls and then the kicks. The jabs, the inability to sit comfortably, the backache and even the big fat cankles at the end. Why…you ask?

Maybe it has to do with knowing Baby G is growing and slowly spreading his tiny wings so he may enter the world and fly away from me. Maybe, it’s the delicateness of having another beating heart inside yourself that makes you feel incomplete without it, that is unless baby lays against your chest and you feel him breath as if it were those first few breathes. Perhaps, it’s the unknown and surreal beauty in wondering those nine long months and every.single.day.since. what he will be like or become. Whatever, it is- I know this; it all passes by too quickly. There are not enoughdays in a year or hours in a day to fully encompass and appreciate the life that forms within you or to fully understand and acknowledge the individual that is developing, being molded by your own actions and the environment that stands around him. And then, it takes your breath away as you realize how important you are to this one person and how important this one person is to you. And, suddenly nothing else matters but family. LOVE takes on an entirely different meaning.

That’s when I glanced back to pictures taken 2-3 weeks before ‘we’ got pregnant. We stripped the wallpaper from the upstairs guest room and painted it blue. Boat Blue to be exact. Three weeks later, I was meeting a friend for a drink and I was famished. No big deal. The next day, it happened again as I had my hair trial for the wedding. Oh, I was simply running in circles with the wedding. No sweat, I would grab a bite later. And then, I was painting baby name blocks and getting ready to head to Marion for a baby shower. When, I had a feeling. It was my boss at the time that announced it to me “Mark my words, you’re pregnant!” My boss was a guy, so I knew I needed to take the test. Three tests later, we were positive. And from looking at the photos, I do believe I had angel’s dust sprinkled all over me.

I believe that Boat Blue room and Baby G was our destiny. Our Manifest Destiny to be exact.