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Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Big Jack Healthy Mountain

One evening as the sun went down,
My tummy started hurtin’
Downed too many chips with too many beers,
Ate way too much, I’m certain.
Now I’m headed for a place that’s far away
It’s a Fountain-of-Youth Fountain.
So come with me, time to break free
On the Big Jack Healthy Mountain.

On the Big Jack Healthy Mountain,
Your pants don’t get too tight,
Where fresh fruit grows on bushes,
And you sleep well every night.
Where the calories are never empty,
And you’re focused every day.
Work your lats and your knees
And you eat cottage cheese.
Lemonade’s sugar-free .
It’s a great place to be,
The Big Jack Healthy Mountain.

On the Big Jack Healthy Mountain,
All the folks have nice lean legs,
And they’ve taken all the cholesterol
Out of every kind of eggs.
The evening meals are good and fresh,
And your future’s full of life.
Oh, I’m bound to go
Where there’s no plateau.
When you hop on the scale
It’s a brand-new low,
On the Big Jack Healthy Mountain.

On the Big Jack Healthy Mountain,
You wear spandex pants to work.
And you’re friendly to everyone around
(Even if they are a jerk).
You do a workout in the mornin’,
Go for a run each afternoon.
Eat a healthy stew,
And a salad, too,
And keep doing the best
That you can do,
On the Big Jack Healthy Mountain.

On the Big Jack Healthy Mountain,
Running shoes never wear out
You’re satisfied from eating
Just a single Brussel sprout.
There’s no such thing as cheesecake,
It’s all health every day.
I’m bound to stay
Where you run each day,
Where your final fate
Is you’re at goal weight.
On the Big Jack Healthy Mountain.
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About Me

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jack,
Who never quit eating ‘cept to stop and have a snack.
Then one day he was standing on his scale,
And he realized he’d really let his body go to hell.
(Obesity that is, back fat, Texas toast)
Well the first thing you know old Jack he made a vow,
He’d ratchet up the exercise and slow down on the chow.
He wanted to get his weight back to where it oughta be,
So he loaded up his stuff and he moved to Bloggery.
(Google Blogger that is, writing posts, makin’ jokes)
Well now it's time to say hello to Jack and all his sh*t
As he chronicles his adventures on his journey to get fit.
You're all invited back each day to this locality,
To have a heaping helping of health and hilarity.
(Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit, that is.)
Y'all come back now, ya hear?