M.D. Season

Lately I have been feeling very aggressive. I have a lot of issues, battles, problems, and conflict inside me that I keep. It must be about the family. Must be about work. Must be about everything about quarter life crisis. But endpoint is I hurt myself and everyone around me with words and actions because of my aggression.

I am aware of it. Of it all. I needed to stand back for a while to see the bigger picture. I knew I needed to have some kind of outlet for my emotional outbursts. Some kind of safe projection.

Then, I remembered writing. This has been helpful before and I know this will be, again.

Thankful for lettrs since the day I joined. It has never been this good to be back.

It's been a rough year,
and you're still with me here.
Those rugged times,
your arms around my neck like vines.
Those vicious words,
I've told you along roads.
Our heavy breathing,
throughout all the beating.
Using are hands, wrenching..
hearts, shaking.

Yet, we stay.

Motivating each other,
Rendering the other a prayer.
Having each other's backs,
on the bed, ....

Ain't nobody can replace you,
and all the worst and best things you do;

Sad that I couldn't marry the one I love.
Sad that I know there will still be people to judge.
Sad that there are 1 man 1 woman marriages which ends up in divorce.
Sad that it could've been a perfect chance for an Lgbt couple.

Sad that people will still think God doesn't love and accept everyone.

You FELT me when I was invisible to the world.
You CARED for me since you started missing your periods.
You ATE a lot. Healthy and much-not.
You SUPPORTED me, crawling, creeping, sitting, standing.
You HELD my hands all the way.
You KEPT on smiling each time I smile, or I get dirt over my face.
You, CHEERED for me when I tripped. Over so many times.
You ACCEPTED me for who I was and what I'm going to be.

And now..

You still do it. All of it. And you just keep doing it deeper just for the love of me, your ever hard-headed daughter.

Hi,
I know I tend to be stubborn, and at times foolish.
Yet just so you know, mixed emotions helped me to be like that.
I know I make you mad, I make you crazy, I make you pull your own hair or simply make you frown all day.
Yet just so you know, my hormones did that to me.
I know your life is complicated. The people around us makes us complicated and we make them frustrated or disappointed and judgmental.
Yet just so you know, my soul is calmed by yours.

I know we are against all odds.
I know we're like a butter laid on the frontyard during high set of the sun.
Yet just so you know,
my love for you will keep on holding on.