Take a regular-sized soup bowl and smash the saltines all to hell in the bottom of the bowl. You want to more or less obliterate the crackers; I typically punch the fuck out of them. Put the cheese on top of the crackers, then the chili on top of the cheese. Mix that shit up! You should end up with a concoction that’s roughly the consistency of paste or mud. Something you might use to put between the cracks of a log cabin. It will also look completely gross:

okay, this does look awful.

This is my favorite way to eat chili. First-day homemade chili is good, but it needs a little help. Second-day chili, which is far superior and also the name of someone’s cover band somewhere, doesn’t always require this kind of accoutrement.

I’m a fan, if you couldn’t tell, of thick soup. Fuck a broth. I basically put every cracker I can get my hands on into soup if it isn’t bulky enough, which most soups aren’t, which is why generally I don’t have much truck with soup. Stew, I can get behind full-force. Soup…it’s like why bother? Soup is just stew that gave up.

I bet a bunch of people are going to come at me for bagging on soup. Soup is okay, I’m obviously the broken one.