Whitney Port

I’m certain Whitney Port is in Miami for something related to that conspicuously consumptive Art Basel event going on this week along the city’s beach front. I’m also certain it’s been a pleasure seeing the fashion reality star back to her bikini form this week after such a long absence from our little site here. I may not have any understanding of what Whitney does or how she makes her living or who her fans are, but I do know tall girls with sweet butts in bikinis. I mean, I don’t know them as well I would like, but I know them well enough to leer head to toe and then back up again and repeat until satisfied.

Whitney has maintained her sweet bikini form in her absence, something I can’t claim for my own self thanks to my desperate love of pudding and beer. Nevertheless, everybody has their role to play in this great drama we call life. Whitney is doing hers ever so nicely and cleavetastically along the beach in Miami. Bravo on the performance. Enjoy.

We haven’t seen Whitney Port in just about forever. Is it me? Am I slowing down? No, not possible. I take a multivitamin and only drink on days named after the gods. So it must be Whitney not being around so much. I do love when we haven’t seen somebody in a while and then when we do they are clad only in a bikini so instead of having to ask them how they’re doing, we can just simple leer and examine for ourselves. Whitney seems to be doing fine.

I can’t say I’ve kept up with the going-ons of the former reality show fashion star and promoter of purses and shoes, but I do remember her lithesome bikini body well in the infinite storage locker that is my libido. Tall and long and lean and bikini. That’s a recipe for Bill’s Blessed Fruitcake for the holidays. Tastes just like chicken. Enjoy.

As you may know, Whitney Port is most definitely on our list of most boring celebrities in Hollywood. And you also must know, we don’t really care how boring they are when they come bearing boobtastic and booty-revealing bikinis. It’s called the looks-trump-personality override instilled deep in the hardware of all man-kind millennia ago.

So when former reality star and curent fashion plate for tween girls with their parents credit cards everywhere, Whitney Port, flashed her body in Miami this weekend with her girlfriends in not one, but two different bikinis, well who cares about boring? Silent leering works perfectly fine when checking out those well-placed pounds of flesh in and on Whitney Port, in and out of the pool, and in and out of our imaginations of playing ‘the quiet game’ back in her hotel room. Enjoy.

We haven’t seen reality star and self-proclaimed fashionista Whitney Port around these parts in some time; then again, the guru to millions of ‘tween girls with their parents credit cards hasn’t given us much reason to highlight her merchandising body, which seems to seated in a pedicure chair about four days a week, putting Whitney in the category of Nicky Hilton, as in, super boring celebrity persona.

But not today. No, not today. Because today Whitney Port and her bikini quite nicely malfunctioned during a period of adjustment down in Miami creating a quite delicious bare nipple slip, on top of some already ogle-worthy poolside bikini pictures. And, let’s be honest, as inherently uninteresting as Whitney Port may be, there’s something quite interesting about that lean stacked body of hers. Something worth examining with some scientific rigor, as it were. Enjoy.