My comedy is my life turned into jokes. I think a lot of people wouldn't like that because you end up talking about stuff where you don't always come out so well. You have to be prepared to say, "This is me, being a prat."

I quite like being a "comedy elder statesman". I am a big fan, I go to watch loads of new comics, and I like the fact that they don't go, "Why are you here?"

I'd done nine series of the chat show. I thought I was bored with interviewing, but then I did an interview with Russell Brand without an audience, where I wasn't worried about gags and I just wanted to find out about this bloke. That was really interesting.

Last week I went to see Aelita Queen of Mars, a 1924 Russian silent film combination of sci-fi and Soviet propaganda accompanied by a live orchestra. I went on my own because I didn't know anybody else who would entertain the idea of such an evening.

I can't swim. I've got better, but I can't go out of my depth. As soon as I smell chlorine my heart starts racing.

Al Murray said to me once, after I'd said some funny thing to him, "It's an illness with you, you can't help it". Maybe I've just learned to cope with it.

I've always been one of these people who, if there's the slightest hint that the person I'm with doesn't want to be with me, I think, well, that's it. So I've never desperately fought for love. Does that sound very cold?

I can't remember ever being desperate for money, even when I didn't have any. I've always had this buoyancy, I think things will turn out all right.

I think I'm going to start doing the clubs again. Not in any great crusading "I want to get back to my roots" kind of way, but very much in a "I used to really like it, so if you really like it, why stop doing it" way.

I salute magpies. If I see a magpie on its own, even if there are loads of people around, I salute. Often a subtle salute, which looks like I'm checking my hair, but I know and the magpie knows, so that's all right.

I feel that if I can put up with the Catholic church's homophobia then they should be able to put up with a few of my dirty jokes.

I hate cookery programmes. I think they've ruined British society. But they are genuinely interactive, so they're quite a noble thing; they encourage activity whereas most TV programmes just make you a spectator.

I went to George Formby's grave recently. His father was a big music hall star and he's a famous musical comic, so I was expecting a long epitaph. It just said: "Here lies George Formby, Comedian". I thought, that'd do me.

Meeting the Archbishop of Canterbury made a big impact. When someone has an expansive, exciting intellect, it often comes with arrogance. When you find someone humble and sweet they're often working as a dinner lady in a primary school. To find someone with the combination of the two is remarkable.

Opinionated is currently on BBC2 on Fridays at 10pm. The Frank Skinner Show is on Absolute Radio at 8am every Saturday