Thursday, September 23, 2010

Crimes of a Blogger: I Confess

Hey. So. Remember when I used to be a blogger? That was fun.

Turns out preschool is giving me less time at the computer rather than more, which was not the plan. I found out that when I'm suddenly graced with five hours a week with only one child I'd rather use that time for crossing more efficient things of my to-do list. Those items mostly having to do with leaving the house. Grocery store. Target. Gym. Whenever I think about getting in the car and only having to deal with one carseat and getting one child to and from my destination of choice and not having to hunt down the shopping cart with two seats, well, I get all giddy inside.

And when I'm not leaving the house I'm enjoying some one-on-one time with my little girly. And not in a forced I-really-should-be-doing-this kind of way. Lucy's a whole new kid when her big, loud, attention-craving brother isn't around and it's fun to watch her be her own person in an isolated setting.

How do you feel when you click on my blog's address and see that I haven't made a new post in a week? Are you sad? Are you glad? Are you worried?

Do you know how I feel when I go through my favorite blogs and see no updates? (Of course this is making the grand assumption that I am, indeed, one of your favorite blogs. But we all know what happens when we ASSume.)

I feel relief when I see your blog has the same post I read last week.

It's the same way I feel when I see that one of my favorite television shows is going to be repeat. I know that missing a new episode of Grey's or Modern Family or Glee just isn't an option so I feel respite that my DVR's memory limit won't be tested any further.

Same with my fellow bloggers. There are just some blogs in which I absolutely must read every single word that is written. No questions asked. So when I'm crunched for time and I see that you, favorite blogger, have not posted I think, "Whew, I haven't missed anything."

How would it look if you announced something BIG, like a pregnancy or a new job or, worse yet, a loss? Or what if you just wrote about something mundane but you said it in a heartfelt, thought-provoking way and every one else in Internetland has commented. And what do you get from me? Silence. Absent for days until I finally get an hour to sit down and scroll through everything. By then I'm totally, embarrassingly late to the party. And I look like a crappy friend.

Such are the crimes of a blogger.

But an even bigger offense, in my mind, is deciding to quit reading or writing blogs altogether.

Some days I think maybe Mama Nash should take an indefinite hiatus. I feel like I'm letting my tens of readers down by not posting often enough and the easy way out would be just to say I don't think I can do this anymore.

But then there's days like today when the rain is ceaseless and a quiet has been swept over with napping children and the house is already clean and the laundry is already folded and I have a steaming cup of coffee in front of me and my fingers ache for the clickety-clackety of my keyboard. And I know. I know I could never give this up completely.

There's too much left unwritten. Too much left unread. Too many stories yet to be captured. Too much support still needed. Too many laughs yet to be laughed. Too many tears yet to be shed. And too many realizations yet to be had.

This new world of technology that keeps entrenching itself deeper and deeper into every moment of our lives is tough to navigate, but impossible to ignore.

So I'll keep writing. When I can. I hope you'll keep reading. When you can. I promise to keep reading you, too. When I can. And I hope we can all nod and understand.