Scientists Declare God Obsolete

Summary: Scientists present God with their declaration of independence. What could possibly go wrong?

Chapter 1

Several scientists gathered together
and compared notes on the many scientific breakthroughs of the last century. It
didn’t take long for them to decide that they had become gods themselves. So
the scientists formed a committee to study the feasibility of an independence
from God bill. It only took these great minds three hours to decide that Man
(now capitalized) was God's equal, and We no longer needed Him.

(Two of those hours actually focused
on the logo design for the letterhead used for the formal Declaration of Independence
from God.)

God, being omniscient, decided to pay
the committee a visit, but to show His eternal sense of humor, He waited until
they sealed the Fed-Ex envelope and dropped it in the slot, thereby committing
to the exorbitant non-refundable cost of an overnight express letter to heaven.

When He suddenly appeared in their
conference room, He caused more commotion than Dr. Weatherall’s proposal that
God should be billed for the effects of entropy, as they would be receiving a
universe that was in less than mint condition. "So I hear you are now My
equal, and no longer need My assistance in the maintenance of creation."

Dr. Hagglewind, the designated
committee spokesman and senior researcher (the flaming torch held in the fist
of the well-muscled man standing on a mountaintop in the logo was entirely his
idea) recovered quickly, straightened his tie and announced, "That is
right, God. We are now capable of creating life in our laboratories. We have
become gods ourselves, and we no longer feel that we need to hold You in the
reverence that our primitive ancestors did. You are still welcome to visit, but
we're taking over operations as of today."

God nodded thoughtfully. "Sounds
reasonable." He turned to leave, then looked back with a twinkle in His
eye. "Oh, there will be a few legal matters to attend to. Strictly
administrative, of course."

Dr. Hagglewind hesitated. The
committee, being made up entirely of scientists, hadn't analyzed the legal
ramifications of their decision. After a worried glance at his colleagues
failed to bolster his confidence, he turned back to God and said, "What
sort of matters?"

God failed to completely hide His
grin (a source of tremendous debate among theologians in years to come - Focus
on the Family later attempted to resolve the debate by stating that had God
wanted to hide His grin, we would not have had the faintest hint of a shadow of
the thought dreaming that it could conceive of the possibility that it might
accidentally imagine crossing our minds) as He made the slightest gesture with
His left pinkie. Suddenly they all stood on a platform suspended in the center
of a hollow sphere that could easily have contained the solar system. The
scientists gibbered and gabbled for several minutes at the mind-boggling scope
before finally recovering enough to turn their attention back to God. Dr.
Hagglewind managed to stammer, "What is this place?"

Hagglewind and the others staggered
cautiously to the edge of the platform, where several telescopes were
conveniently mounted. Peering through one, Hagglewind was able to see angelic
workers unpacking row after row of computers and setting up aisle after aisle
of Dilbert-style cubicles. As near as he could tell, the entire inner surface
of the sphere was being covered in cubicles. Swallowing, he turned back to God,
whose grin was suspiciously larger. "You need all this to keep track of
that?"

"No, you do. I keep it
all up here." His finger tapped His forehead. "I'm creating this
place for your benefit. Sort of a parting gift."

Dr. Hagglewind made a sweeping
gesture. "But . . . there aren't enough humans in all of history to
operate all these computers!"

God shrugged. "That's okay. I
understand that making more people is now something that you've mastered. I'm
sure you'll manage to overcome this minor manpower issue." He looked over
at the far edge of the platform where a number of angels had just appeared along
with a long oak table. "Ah, My legal team has arrived. Shall we?"

Dr. Hagglewind and the other
scientists followed God, each seriously wondering just what they had gotten
themselves into. As they approached the angels, they couldn't help but notice
the grim expressions, the huge swords, and the golden Blackberries. The angels
opened briefcases made of gopher wood and began removing stack after stack of
documents. The great oak table began to sag under the weight. Dr. Hagglewind
cleared his throat. "God, what are all those documents?"

"Lease agreements, servicing
contracts, operating manuals - the things you'll need to keep this universe
running smoothly." God picked up a document. "Ah, here's an important
one. This is My patent on matter. I'll give you a 90-day transition period to
convert all creation from My matter to whatever you intend to use."

Dr. Hagglewind gasped. "But -
but we can't create matter!"

God frowned (Focus on the Family
cited it as proof of the aforementioned Hidden Grin theory). "Are you
certain? This will pose some serious legal issues. Since everything in the
universe is made of My patented matter, you lack resources of your own to even
lease the rights to it. Without an acceptable alternative, all of this will
cease to exist," He overturned a massive hourglass that suddenly towered
above the scientists, "ninety days from now when I repossess My
matter."

Dr. Hagglewind paled at the
realization that the committee had just put a three-month expiration date on
the universe. "Wait! Isn't there something we can do?"

God thought for a moment (most
theologians agree that this was strictly done for dramatic purposes), then
waved His hand and immediately they were back in the committee's conference
room. In the center of the table sat a large scroll with a golden ribbon
wrapped around it. The ribbon untied itself, and the scroll unrolled with what
everyone present could only describe as a majestic rustle.

God pointed to the scroll. "This
is the contract I signed when I created the universe. All the servicing and
maintenance is completely My responsibility. I created it as a gift for
you."

Dr. Hagglewind peered at the scroll.
"But there's no place for us to sign."

God nodded. "There was never
meant to be. This is, after all, a gift." He rolled up the scroll and
tucked it away in His robes. "I don't think you're quite ready to take
over the universe. For your own good, I will decline your generous offer at
this time."

The grin returned. "However, I
think perhaps we can make some sort of arrangement to monitor your
progress." He pulled another scroll out of His robe and set it on the
table. "When you can meet this obligation, we can talk about where to go
from there." And as suddenly as He had arrived, God was gone.

The scientists stared at one another
in shock, but eventually all eyes settled on the lone scroll in the center of
the table. With shaking hands, Dr. Hagglewind reached for it. Before he could
touch it, the ribbon holding it shut popped loose and the scroll began
unrolling. It fell off the end of the table, rolled out the door and down the
hall. Several scientists scurried after it. The rest stared at Dr. Hagglewind,
who gaped at the writing at the top of the scroll. One of them managed to find
his voice. "Wh-what is it?"

Hagglewind turned to face his
colleagues, sweat beading on his pale brow. "It's a utility bill for the
strong nuclear force used to keep the protons in each molecule in the universe
from repelling each other as the laws of magnetism and like charges demand.
Without that energy expenditure, the universe would be nothing but hydrogen
soup." He yanked a handkerchief from his back pocket and mopped his
forehead. "He's billing us a penny a day per atom."

They all stared at the scroll. The actual explanation of the utility
charge was one small paragraph. Then there was a dollar sign, a one, and a
string of zeros that covered the rest of the document. As one their heads
turned to follow the scroll out the door and down the hall.

Write a Review
Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks,
Draxis

spooky jedi:
Love your story!I really hope more people read this story!Its amazing!! The plot is very unique and different, which is very good to have in a world full of stories. You have very complex and intellectual plot line, with your many loveable character and that hint of 'will they, won't they' is ju...

Stephen Warner:
To start off, I am thoroughly impressed. The writing style is somewhat unique, and the plot seemed to move at a nice and steady pace. However, I was not expecting this to be a vampire book! I am usually not one for novels about vampires, but I was pleasantly surprised! You wrote with such grace a...

Marijana1:
The melancholy present throughout this story has the power to influence and etch into the minds of the readers, to stay there and refuse to leave even after they have finished reading the story. This is a deep, powerful story, making the readers wonder about everything – about love, about their e...

makaylakay:
I love love this story! It's written incredibly and well thought-out plot! I love how it's a different twist in fantasy fiction, other then the usual vampire or werewolves. Love the romantics and drawn to the two characters so much already! This book will draw you in within the first chapter and ...

Hudson:
Your story was fantastic Erin! The Rising Sun was one of the first stories I read on Inkitt, and I have to say I don't regret the three to four days I spent pouring through the story.Probably the biggest strength I see in your writing is your characterisation of Eliana, Oriens, and the rest of th...

Bri Hoffer:
I couldn't put it down!! The characters are all incredibly likable, and it's so descriptive you can see, smell, and feel thier surroundings. Great story, and very well written. I cannot wait for follow up stories. there were a few grammatical errors, but nothing that I could move right over.

Ruby0h:
Overall I thought your story was really good! It drew me in right away and kept me interested as the story progressed. I loved the character of Kayla being inserted into this story, and the way she affected and shaped the life of the original story into something totally new and interesting. I lo...

Erin Crowley:
The concept here is really strong, but the execution is definitely lacking. Tenses, grammar, etc are all off, with at least one or more errors per 'Page' on my phone. The writing style is almost broken- sentences move into each other awkwardly, and are filled with an excess of "filler words", lik...

Jade Niday:
This book kept me interested and wanting more. I fell in love with the characters and the plot. This book never has a dull moment. It has action, suspense and even love. Can't wait to find out what happens next

amarin8388:
Bottom Line: I thoroughly enjoyed it and would recommend it to anyone who enjoys Science Fiction. During my reading, I thought many times that this would make a good story for a movie. It reminded me of the StarWars movie franchise, not because of the plot but because of the diversity of chara...

Alkira Joan:
I omg I am honestly speechless I couldn't stop cry it's so sad I wish it had a better ending and they would all be happy and the end is their going to be a second book?thanks for the amaZing story xoxox

tsolaidowu:
I want a continuation dammit....I loved this book and the 1st one. I can't believe this is it. I'm not ready to say goodbye to Jeff and Lorie; and the gang. Great book and storyline. You're a genius Madelyn.

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