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Monday, April 17, 2017

Still Grieving

I know it's been awhile since I posted -- I haven't because I'm still in deep grief. Next month will be the 2 year anniversary of Bob's passing --- and I can't believe it's been that long, seems like only yesterday, then sometimes feels like 100 years ago... I am still in somewhat of a state of shock, can't believe he's gone...

I just try to get by --- day by day....

Am going to counseling, seeing a shrink, taking Xanax.....

Taking care of my dog, cat, Chris's two fish (still alive, surprise!) -- I swim every day in the pool as weather permits. Kona is the Evil Queen of Tennis Balls, you should see her dive in the pool after them. At least, she can make me laugh.

Still missing Bob so much. My heart still shattered. Am reading a lot of "grief healing" books ---
And trying to heal -- if that is possible.

Sorry this blog is so quiet.

Almost scared to post here -- as I think everyone has forgotten about me, or doesn't care anymore.....

10 comments:

I absolutely am interested. You're a good writer. I hope that life gets a little easier. I was in mourning for almost 20 years when my sister died at the age of 35 in an auto accident. And I wasn't even seeing her that often. I should have sought counseling. I almost was too busy, or felt like I was, with work, hospitalizations of my son, etc. to attend to my own needs. Glad you are getting counseling and taking your grieving seriously, both to do it and to get through it.

I think, above all, you should not worry about how long it takes. I have never lost my spouse (although came close this winter, which was awful), but I just don't think you ever "get over" it. I still remember when my mom died, in 1980. Yes, it's been that long, and I've never "gotten over" it. Nor do I expect to, or want to. My dad died in 2005, 25 years after she did, and I know he hadn't "gotten over" it, although he had recently married the woman he had been living with for over a decade, and seemed happy with her. But he had a life with my mother for over 30 years, and 7 children. Nothing can make those years or the love they had for each other disappear. Things change when someone dies, and the ones who are left here continue and move on, whatever that looks like, but I don't think we ever "get over" it.

Diane, have you thought about getting your dog certified as a service animal? Our Grandson, Kyle has a Chocolate Lab who is his service dog because of PTSD. He came back from serving in Iraq and was diagnosed with it. Max, his dog, is allowed EVERYWHERE Kyle goes. He has even flew on airlines with Kyle. All you have to do is talk to your phyciratist and he will take it from there.

Welcome To Our Pink House

About Me

Bob and I were married 09/16/94. He is my soulmate, the love of my life. Bob is an artist and I am a writer.
On 10/20/10, Bob, following his doctor's advice, underwent a carotid endarterectomy. When I left him in ICU that night, he was fine and I thought in good hands. Two hours after my departure, a nurse noted on his chart that Bob's speech was slurred and his right arm was paralyzed. The nurse did not call a doctor. Later that night, the nurse noted that Bob could not move his right arm or leg, still a doctor was not called. The next morning, the nurse noted that he was paralyzed on the right side, a "12" on the Glasgow Coma Scale, disoriented and confused, but no doctor was informed. I arrived at 9:00 a.m. and immediately called for the doctor. He was rushed to surgery. It was 12 hours too late. The CAT scan showed 2/3 of his brain had been damaged. I was told he would not survive. Somehow, he did.
Bob was discharged from the hospital on 12/31/10 and, although the hospital wanted him sent to a nursing home, I brought him home instead. This is the story of our journey since that day. This is also a love story.
(Bob passed away 5/28/15 and I am trying to survive....)