Trotters, twaddle & Trump

So, I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately. I’ve actually been rather gloomy. One of the reasons for this is that I’ve been struggling with the idea that humanity is broken beyond repair. Various things I’ve stumbled upon have put the willies up me in this regard. Here are just a few; this is not an exhaustive list.

Exhibit A

A delightful pair of table lamps, fashioned out of zebra’s feet. Not out of wood, metal or hewn out of salt rock, mind. But out of a majestic, former animal.

At what point when you’re on safari does your brain make a mental bridge between ‘zebra’ and ‘table lamp’? How does that chain of thought go? Suggestions:

‘Ooh, look at that lovely zebra. I wish I had a table lamp.’

‘Ooh, that lovely zebra’s just reminded me that I need a table lamp.’

‘I could see that zebra better if only I had a table lamp.’

‘Don’t throw those hooves away! I need a table lamp.’

Will someone please explain, because I suspect…

humanity is broken.

Exhibit B

The adult furry onesie.

Could someone please enlighten me as to how a country that dressed for dinner in black tie and silk became a nation that dines in adult baby-grows?

If any guest of mine presented him or herself in such attire, I would stand them in the garden, pump them full of water and bike lock the top of their zipper until they saw the error of their ways.

Did one come off the tit too soon?

Was nanny not understanding?

I don’t know, but I suspect…

humanity is broken.

Exhibit C

Gandhi.

I’m joking; it is of course Donald Trump.

Why, America? You’ve made a funny joke. Haha, very good. But it’s gone on long enough.

The Economist Intelligence Unit found that a Trump presidency would pose a top 10 global risk to the world economy, US political stability and security. If you don’t stop this nonsense, and he’s elected, we’ll all be in serious trouble.

Of course, here in Blighty, we don’t really blame you. We blame ourselves for giving you your independence, which you clearly weren’t ready for. It’s all been a terrible burden on you, hasn’t it?

Well the strain is clearly showing now so please, cast that vote elsewhere, as clearly…