You wake up in the middle of the night and see a bright light outside of your bed curtains. Since you don't have any curtains (and may or may not have a bed), you're pretty sure you're dreaming. You hope it's not curtains for you, though.

You push back the curtains and the bright light solidifies into a ghost! He has the requisite long, white robe, but some decidedly non-requisite dreadlocks hanging down past his shoulders. He gazes piercingly at you and speaks.

"Hey, mon," he says. "I be Marley's Ghost. I come to tell ya that tonight ye will be visited by tree spirits."

"Is this about me realizing I'm a horrible person and resolving to change, and ending up all giddy as a schoolboy?" you ask. "Because, if so, I'd rather just stay horrible. It doesn't bother me, except when people move my chair."

"Nah, mon." The ghost answers. "Uncle Crimbo's gone missing, and these tree spirits are going to help yah rescue him. The first is de ghost of Crimbo Way, Way Past. The second is the ghost of Crimbo Right-about-now. You'll like him, he's a funk soul brother. The third is the Ghost of Crimbo In The Not-Too-Distant Future. You'll see the first one the next time you fall asleep."

"Seriously," you say, "I don't really want to bother with any ghosts, man. I mean, I don't even have my proton pack."

"Expect the first one the next time you fall asleep," the ghost repeats, and starts to fade away, singing some song about martial bison.

A la segunda dormida, aparece este:

You sleep.

You gain 29 hit points.

You gain 30 Mojo Points.

You wake up to the sound of someone banging a bone against a rock. Well, you don't know that's what the sound is until you get up and look, but that's what it is.

You see a shimmery, transparent caveman (who may or may not have just saved a lot of money on his car insurance), dressed in furs and squatting on your floor, pounding said rock with said leg-bone.

"You're Ugh, the ghost of Crimbo Way, Way Past, and you want me to go to the Big Mountains, where Crimbotown was last year, and I'll be magically transported to CrimboRock, which is Crimbotown thousands of years ago?"

"Ugh. Gwee zug fech haraka ool."

"And you say that once I'm there, I can fight monsters, make toys, and find part of the magic spell for rescuing Uncle Crimbo?"

"Ugh," the caveman says, nodding his assent.

Wow, I wish I could speak Caveman.

Una vez hecho esto, aparece en las montañas Crimbo Rock

Al entrar a la Crimbo Rock, hallamos esto:

En la Toy-Making Cave me mostró esto

Ugh Crimbo, the first Uncle Crimbo

Me Ugh. Me make tools.

Me make this tools:

wheel

1 rock1 stick

yo

1 rock1 stringy sinew

prehistoric spear

1 stick1 tooth

stick-on-a-string

1 stringy sinew1 stick

fire

2 sticks

leaf tube

1 stringy sinew1 big leaf

toothsome rock

1 rock1 tooth

wheel

This is a wheel, made out of a donut-shaped rock with a stick stuck through it. You don't have to re-invent it; just use it to get around a little faster.

This is an ancient, aerodynamic spear, which someone made fairly recently in prehistoric times. It's one of those time travel wossnames -- paradoxes, yeah, that's it. Anyway, it's basically a stick with a tooth stuck to one end of it. If you have a wooly mammoth to slay, it's your best option.

NOTE: If you wear multiple items that increase Critical Hit chances, only the highest multiplier applies.

fire

Fire! I have made fire! Or, rather, a caveman has made fire, and now you have it. I don't recommend putting it in your pocket, or under your ass, or shouting about it in a crowded theater. It'll probably come in handy for something, though, like blending in at a peasant convention.

Cavemen, apparently, were equally as likely to succumb to dumb fads as are their contemporary counterparts. This is a rock with a tooth glued onto it. Cavemen kept them as fairly useless pets.

Type: familiarSelling Price: 31 Meat.

yo

This is a rock with a piece of string around it. To use it as a weapon, first throw the crib door wide, then let the people crawl inside. Then, hold onto the string, whip it around your head a couple of times, and let fly with the rock. It's just like a yo-yo, except it doesn't come back. So, y'know, it's only the first "yo."

Type: combat itemSelling Price: 25 Meat.

stick-on-a-string

This is a stick with a stringy sinew tied to one end. What's brown, sticky, and stringy?

Type: combat itemSelling Price: 25 Meat.

leaf tube

This is a leaf, rolled up into a tube, stuffed with other leaves, and with a stringy sinew tied around it to hold it together. It looks like it'd be right at home in the hippy camp. If only it could be made to give off smoke, somehow...

Cannot be tradedCannot be discardedQuest Item

Grog, the Eating-Making Cave Elf

"Ugh no gala ka kreeshta!"

Eats

twigs and gravel (50 pebbles)Even though prehistoric food is pretty rough on a modern palate, the hippies would love this dish (and quite frequently, indeed, do eat it). It's a big bowl of twigs, with some gravel mixed in for texture. It's sure to get your colon a-marching.

shoots and leaves (75 pebbles)The favorite dish of gun-toting panda (or koala) bears everywhere, this is a big bowl of shoots and leaves. All this greenery is sure to be good for your colon, and possibly your semicolon. We were never quite sure how that thing works.

bowl of unidentifiable goo (100 pebbles)This appears to be anything a cave-elf might eat -- which includes a good many things we'd rather not mention -- mashed up into a sticky green paste. Happy Crimbo, I guess.

Firewater

fermented honey (50 pebbles)This is bee-spit, harvested from spitting bees and kept in a hole in the ground until all the sugar turned to alcohol. It's sure to give you a killer, wicked buzz.

moons-shine (75 pebbles)In the times before tasty alcoholic beverages were discovered, cave elves would occasionally stumble on a recipe for making booze -- usually by leaving a pile of fruit and vegetables to rot, then drinking whatever leaked out of it. Case in point: this stuff. Hold your nose when you drink it.

gin (100 pebbles)Oddly enough, gin has existed since the dawn of time. When the first protozoans got together at single cell bars, they drank gin. It's always tasted exactly like a pine branch dipped in kerosene, but it's not quite as strong now as it used to be.

MOONS-SHINE

You hold your nose and drink the moonsshine. It has a delicate garbage bouquet, overtones of garbage, with an impudent garbage finish.

You gain 11 Adventures.

You gain 7 Strongness.

You gain 7 Mysteriousness.

You gain 7 Chutzpah.

You gain 4 Drunkenness.

GIN

You drink the gin. It tastes like gin, only stronger. You hiccup a blue flame.

You gain 14 Adventures.

You gain 10 Fortitude.You gain a Muscle point!

You gain 10 Magicalness.

You gain 9 Sarcasm.You gain a Moxie point!

You gain 5 Drunkenness.

Al entrar a Simple-tool-making-cave, obtuve las siguientes aventuras:

You're fighting a sinew-stretching cave elf

This hulking, knuckle-dragging cave elf is responsible for stretching dried animal sinews into pieces of string. He's a little grumpy about that -- when he signed up for the job, he thought he'd be an aerobics instructor.

You acquire an item: stringy sinew

stringy sinew

This used to hold together a couple of muscles in an animal. Now it's just a length of string that doesn't hold together anything. It's not even sliced into convenient, three-inch lengths.

Selling Price: 10 Meat.

You're fighting a hunter-gatherer cave elf

This hulking, knuckle-dragging cave elf is responsible for hunting and gathering food for the rest of the cave elves. He's a little more useful than the hunter-gatherer-hunter cave elves, who just hang out waiting to beat the crap out of hunter-gatherer cave elves. It's a confusing system, I grant you, but keep in mind these guys don't have the most developed brains in the world.

This is a tooth. It came from some animal's mouth. If you think it's disgusting to hold something that's been in someone's mouth, you must not eat eggs.

Selling Price: 10 Meat.

big leaf

This is a leaf -- the kind taken from a plant, not the kind taken from a book. It's possible it has incredible curative properties, and that modern science could use it to cure everything from the common cold to post-decapitation syndrome (PDS).

Possible, but not likely.

Cannot be tradedCannot be discardedQuest Item

You're fighting a flint-scraping cave elf

This is one of the hulking, knuckle-dragging cave elves who make primitive tools for Ugh Crimbo to hand out on Crimbo Eve. This particular elf is in charge of chipping the edges off of pieces of flint to make them into sharp-edged hand axes. He gets the flint stones, of course, from the bed rock of the nearby river.

You acquire an item: stick

stick

This is just a stick. It's neither spooky, big, nor lip. It just sits there providing the answer to the riddle "what's brown and sticky?"

Selling Price: 10 Meat.

You're fighting a rock-banging cave elf

This cave elf is responsible for picking up rocks, banging them together or against other rocks, then putting them back down. How this helps with the manufacture of simple tools, none can say. Pretty much, everyone's afraid of questioning the work ethic of a huge, muscled, hulking behemoth with a big rock in each hand.

Like other cigars in this game, this one is just a cigar. Unlike other cigars in the game, this one is lit. You know, like your uncle at Thanksgiving, when he won't stop telling dumb jokes and pinching your mom's butt? Or maybe that's just me.

Type: usableCannot be tradedCannot be discardedQuest Item

Al usarlo, ocurre lo siguiente:

You hold up the lit cigar, take a puff, and blow a square smoke ring. It hangs in the air like a window, and through it you can see what looks like a tropical island. Suddenly, Uncle Crimbo reaches through the window and grabs the cigar! "Thanks, kid," he says. "You're on the right track."

Al continuar aventurando aparece:

You decide that now is a good time for a nap. You're not sure why, but you do.

After sleeping soundly for about 10 minutes, you wake up to the sound of a flat, electronic beat playing loudly in your bedroom. You push aside your bed-curtains and look out. Since you don’t have any bed-curtains, and may or may not have a bedroom or a bed, you’re pretty sure you’re dreaming.

You see a shimmery, transparent guy standing in front of two turntables. He doesn’t appear to have a microphone, though. “Greetings, adventurer, he says. “I’m the ghost of Crimbo right-about-now. Greetings, adventurer. I’m the ghost of Crimbo right-about-now. Greetings, adventurer. I’m the ghost of Crimbo right-about-now.”

He stops and thumps himself upside the head. “Sorry, got stuck in a loop there. Anyway, I’m here to tell you that you’ve spent enough time in Crimbo Rock, and you should come to my realm now. If you ever want to save Uncle Crimbo, you’ve got to get with the now, man. Don’t you want to meet Linnea, the Scream Queen? Quit living in the past. Are you ready to go to Crimbo right-about-now? Are you ready to go to Crimbo right-about-now? Are you ready to…”