5.04.2007

Go get a proper job!

It sounds like the most pathetic thing in the world, but this game could easily be canned by my own Mum.

I'm currently on no income, and have to mooch off my parents in order to have a place to work on this game. Tommy's the same way. Luckily for Tommy, he has supportive parents. It's not quite the same case for me. My Dad seems pretty much fine with what I do, being a big nerd himself and having some appreciation of what goes into a development like this. My mother finds technology fairly repellant. As such, she has no natural interest for computers, games, or technology in general. In 2004 she finally caved and bought a microwave. I can count the number of times she's used it on two hands (though this might actually be a blessing. Microwaves. Feh.). She used to use computers for work in the 80's, but when the mouse was introduced, she pretty much refused to use computers. I don't blame her - cheaper ball-based mice were jumpy affairs at the best of times. I've thrown a few at co-workers when they've given me the critical mass of frustration. That's why I didn't allow myself a cordless one until 7 months ago - many a potential lawsuit was avoided thanks to a 1.5 meter cable snapping taught.

Bottom line, as a bonafide luddite, my Mum doesn't actually like my career choice at all. She sees games as probably the lowest form of art possible, and she'd use the world "art" grudgingly and with little finger quotes, too. Let me put it this way: even though she thinks that comics are for "street urchins and commoners", she'd still find it preferable if I drew cartoons rather than make games. Imagine Mrs. Bucket and Mary Whitehouse rolled into one, and you see my dilemma.

When I get home from Tommy's, I've got around a month at my parent's house before I'm kicked out. I'm dreading it. I'm not sure how I can possibly focus on the game while earning money, tracking down places to stay etc. It's as good as canning the game, and yet she insists "it's for your own good". She's worried that I don't have a social life, (and I am too!) but if we don't nail this first game, I'm worried that the company will be killed in utero.

Being kicked out is despite the fact that of all the video-games I've ever seen her come in contact with, this is the only one she's been able and willing to try. Now, perhaps she's being polite, but she was absolutely able to play the game (and had no chance with K, incedentally). We've kept it that simple.

I know lots of people who felt alienated by games' percieved high levels of violence, over-complication and sameyness. They're non gamers, through and through, preferring a nice book instead. I've asked them to try our game, even though they've told me that they hate games due to their crass image, or how punishing they can be to newcomers. When they pick up the controller, they seem instantly surprised at playing such a welcoming game. They're confused at the idea that they might like a game. How could they like a video game when games are for spoddy 4-eyed friendless geeks? Will they have to buy new clothes now? Do they have to ditch 75% of their accumulated friendships? What can nerds eat anyway? Will they have to stop having sex for years on end?? It's all so confusing!

It's actually helped development just knowing that there are so many people in my life who haven't been interested in experiencing the joys of interactivity. I see why. From their perspective, there's no entrance point to the cacoon we've weaved ourselves, and watching most gamers as they adopt their zen-autism in order to interact with a complex game hardly makes it look like an enjoyable activity. These are the opinions of people too scared, judgemental, or in fear of being judged to try games for themselves. It's far easier to dismiss them as algae snacks for cultural bottom-dwellers.

When some games try to entice these potential patrons in, (like early Wii games) it's unfortunate, but they don't seem to even scratch the cacoon's surface with their shallow gimmicks. Thus, players are left wondering "What's the big deal with games? They're shallow novelties!". Such games are getting people to pick up a controller, sure, but sadly they're not really showing these newcomers how enthralling the depths of interactivity can be. To have someone understand the appeal of great games, you have to do both in the same stroke (I think Guitar Hero succeeds here). The cliche "Easy to Learn, Hard to Master" seems to be pervasive in interviews and pitch documents. Sadly, it's rarely as true as people would like to believe.

I have to conclude that there's no point enticing people in without showing them the spectrum of joy found in interactivity - from simple surface verbs to deep causal chains of events. It's still easier to require current gamers to jump through less-than-elegant hoops in order to find depth-through-complication within re-hashed works, minnovation occasionally sprinkled ontop. That seems like a shame to me.

So, in a weird kind of way, I've been making this game for my mother. Sadly, she doesn't recognize how ironic it is that she might be canning it.

----

We're in a self imposed crunch right now. The game's coming along pretty well. The other day, I was setting up a single player mode (somewhere between Geometry Wars and Tetris) when we decided to try co-op (up to 4 players) on a whim. Tommy jumped in, and started controlling the avatar with me.

Now, as everyone knows, co-op makes any game better purely through the shared experience you're giving people. It can be like a bridge for both of you into a different plane where your minds meet in tackling the same problems. Something about this game really capitolized on co-op, though. I think it was because we were both in control of so many common entities at once, and could very quickly tell what the other person was doing, and help out. On the flip side, we were never disruptive to each other: we could both work in parallel or perpendicularly, and still not accidentally hurt each other's immediate plans. We could suggest and enact strategies so quickly that it felt like we were reading each other's minds. The game was an efficient mind-bridge, and we were working as one. I've felt that before in other games, but never so densely and immediately as this.

At that moment, I lost a whole lot of stress about whether or not the gameplay was going to be good enough. Any doubt about how practical the concept is has been lifted. I'm convinced that we're almost there.

To that end, we're trying to get a demo/recording of our game ready for MS to see. It'll still be without polish, but I think the concept should be strong enough for them to endourse. A green light might save me from being kicked out, too.

I talked to my folks a bit, gave them some rough figures for the sort of numbers we'd be looking at with the game, making a strong argument for why this is a good endeavour to see through after making so much effort already. They're happy for me to stay at home for a reasonable amount of time. They say that I still must find a way to socialize, and I'm happy to. Travel is just a bit costly.

Well, first and foremost, we're making a game. The business side for us is the means, rather than the ends. I don't meant to sound like a sneering artist type, denigrating the need for good business practice, but I've always felt that the path is more important than the destination. I enjoy making games. I want to make great games. If a sustainable business isn't a result of that desire, and I have to change that motivation too far to compensate, then I have to wonder what the point of continuing the facade would be. The implicit joy of making games is the entire point of our business. If that's corrupt, we're a husk.

We'll keep making games while we have the means. When we stop having the means, I don't think we'll feel bitter about it. We won't cling on, trying to "save" the business. We'll just make games with others instead.

Plus, we really need a product before we have anything to base a business around. Something about getting stationary with your company logo on it before you've sold game #1 really trips my alarm bells. "Guys, it's like we've fucing arrived!"

"You need to have time off to be able to work at your best."

Oh I agree completely. I think it's much harder to separate yourself from the job when it's your own endeavour. When you're being employed for your services, it's easier to disassociate from the job because you're far more secure. You can switch off more easily. When you're in a start up, nothing moves unless you move it. The idea of "nothing happening" when you take time off is magnified. It makes it harder to enjoy the time off.

But as time goes on, you get more and more comfortable with the idea that the world isn't going to explode if you have some time for yourself.

I think perhaps I failed to get my point across about the business thing.

What I mean is anything you do has to be sustainable. If your business goes bust, your mum kicks you out or whatever, your fun making games is over. There is no point in being a martyr over your art. You have to do whatever it takes to keep yourself making games and sometimes that means getting your mum on side ;)

Sometimes a company can just serve its purpose, and you can move on. Companies have a life cycle after all. They're born, and the eventually die, just like everyone who makes them what they are.

See, all I want to do is to buy a Ferrari and then drive it off a cliff while "Highway to the Dangerzone" blares out the stereo, and the car crashes into cliffyb's house and explodes everywhere, and the last thing cliffyb experiences is our flawless game on his whatever inch plasma display in his billion dollar mansion, and I'll be screaming "YOU LAUGHED AT ME WHEN I SAID I WANTED TO BE A GAME DESIGNER. NOW WHO IS THE ONE WHO IS LAUGHING NOW?" AND THEN I'LL BE LAUGHING TO MAKE IT CLEAR WHO IS LAUGHING WHILE THE HOOD/BONNET OF THE CAR TEARS THROUGH HIS TORSO. AND JUST TO PISS OFF EVER GAMER WHO EVER WANTED GAMES TO RISE ABOVE THEIR PORTRAYAL IN THE MEDIA, I'LL LEAVE A NOTE IN THE INSIDE POCKET OF MY BULLETPROOF GOLDEN ARMANI JACKET SAYING "VIDEO GAMES MADE ME DO IT!!".

1:37pm. Restate my Assumptions:

Aubrey Hesselgren and Tommy Refenes are Designer and Coder at indie outfit Amorphous. This blog tells an occasional tale of a life lived mainly in their own bedrooms while making a fairly weird game with close to no income. They've been too scared previously to tell anyone about "Goo", incase they are pointed and laughed at by all the other indie developers, who are much cooler and better and stuff. Recently, though, they've grown something approximating a testicle, so now you can see an early (early [early]) video of their progress.

All opinions expressed on this site in no way represent those of Aubrey, Tommy, or Amorphous. They reflect your opinions. Shut up and conform!