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Sunday, 4 May 2008

We would like to acknowledge receipt of your complaint, dated 2nd May 2008.

We here at Weston's Waffles take all and any of our customers' views and comments very seriously and are grateful for your feedback.

In response to your complaint stating that Ms Weston has been neglectful in her duty to amuse you whilst surfing the Internet at work we can only apologise profusely.

This is a terrible state of affairs and one which we shall do our utmost to repair at the earliest possible convenience.

We did attempt to contact Ms Weston to pass on your sorrows, but unfortunately she was unavailable to comment. Due to the popularity of her column she has a very busy schedule and the press interviews, jet-set life-style and demands for TV appearances have placed a large burden on her delicate shoulders.

We do know that she would feel that it is important that we pass on her apologies and reassure her readers that she is grateful of their continuing support and that she is fully aware that the millions of euros now residing in her bank account are only thanks to her faithful audience.

We would like to reassure you that Ms Weston is due to be back to her regular time-table towards the end of the week. Although she may need a day or two to recover from the strains of her charity work for the UN in Africa and her advisory role to the Pope and so we do ask for your patience.

Should you have any queries or comments then please do not hesitate to contact us at any time.

2 comments:

I hear the Africans have lodged a formal complaint via the Brtish and German Embassies. Ms Weston was invited over as they understood she was turning up with several planeloads of waffles of the eating kind, not the article variety. When she arrived and started eating their food it did not go well. Hemce the early return and a diplomatic incident.

Now I turn to the trip to the Vatican. When the cardinals heard you wanted to show the Pope the ropes they did not know you meant Japanese Shibari rope bondage. The poor chap remains traumatised. And has some nasty chafing. He could hardly stand at the St Peter's Square prayer gathering this morning.

Please do not undertake further foreign travel without consulting the Foreign Office in the UK and their equivalents in Berlin. I hear the last time the Germans had such an incident it involved a surprise satg trip to Poland in 1939 that got a bit out of hand.