Some Penn Stater's wishful thinking: Tim Curley's coaching coup

(Blogger's Note: This
post is obviously completely fiction, but based on the random musings around
the internet over the last five years or so.
Combine my love of conspiracy theories with the embarrassment of the
Alabama game and this is what you get.)

JOE HERMITT, The Patriot-News Joe Paterno knows how to win with class.

He had done it! Probably the biggest hire Penn State ever
had was about to take place and it had been done in secret. It had to be done
this way. Tim Curley, the Penn State Athletic Director, had tried to talk Joe
Paterno, Penn State's legendary football coach, into retirement years earlier
with the university president, Graham Spanier. They had failed. This time, he had approached it the right
way. In secret, he had secured one of the biggest names in college football,
Coach M., to be the successor to Paterno. Coach M. was not only a huge name in
the college football world, he was also a good friend of JoePa. This was
crucial in getting Joe to hand over the program. Coach M. could talk Joe into it. His opinion was one Joe would listen to and
trust.

The timing was perfect. It was right after the bowl game,
but well enough before the crucial Recruiting National Letter of Intent day.
Penn State had already built a great class, the addition of Coach M would only cement
this class as one of the best in the land.
The existing recruits would be overjoyed. They were willing to play for
one legend, and have even expected a changing of the guard at some point during
their time at Penn State. All they would be doing is playing for another
legend. Furthermore, the remaining big recruiting targets would have to
seriously find an excuse to not come to Penn State.

The first task would be a visit to Joe's with Coach M. and
have "The Talk". Joe would be given to title of Coach Emeritus and remain a big
factor in ensuring things continue to run the "Penn State Way". Joe
would even help the NCAA revamp the way it dealt with the biggest issue before
it, corruption in college sports. The announcement would be made during a press
conference where Coach Paterno would announce his semi-retirement, while
announcing the next head coach as Coach M. In an instant, the school that struggled
to beat a top 10 team since Arizona in 1999, would be a top 10 team next
season. The Beast of the East would make a return to elite status in the
shortest time a school could. It just needed a jolt of new life.

That jolt would come with some changes in the coaching
staff, Curley knew that. Galen Hall, Dick Anderson and Jay Paterno would move
on. The first two would find retirement, where they both wanted to be. Jay's
move had to be a little different. Yes, he has produced two All-Big 10
quarterbacks in the last few years, but his path to coaching greatness must be
found somewhere other than Penn State. He would need to make a name for himself
as a coach somewhere out from under the long and wide shadow of his father.
Penn Staters would never accept him as a coach otherwise.

The defensive staff and Mike McQueary would stay in place.
No need to mess with a trio of the three best defensive coaches in college
football, Johnson, Vanderlinden and Bradley. It hasn't been defense Penn
State has lacked over the last few years. Plus, the three
defensive coaches and McQueary were some of the team's best recruiters, and would be on a furious travel schedule as soon as the announcement would be
made.

The staff would have to ensure the existing commitments were
secured and excited about the entrance of Coach M. They would also be getting
in front of the remaining targets and the new ones, who would come out of the
woodwork stating their interest in Penn State. The new ones were going to be
the hardest. The staff had to align their scholarship limit with depth chart
needs and their existing targets, while determining if the new targets would
fit into Penn State's culture.

Another catalyst for securing Coach M. now, and not a few
years from now, was the off-season full of coaching changes at both the college
and NFL level. If Penn State were forced to wait another year, Coach M might be
gone. With Georgia finally having their
fill of Mark Richt and a couple of other coaches making moves to (or from) the
NFL, some choice jobs were open and money was going to be spent to fill those
positions.

The league expansion occurring all around the college
landscape would put added pressure on Penn State to compete in the era of the
"Mega-Conference". Recruiting against Ohio State, Michigan and
Nebraska was difficult enough. Now add Texas and Notre Dame's entrance to the
Big 10 and the game has completely changed. Adding to the "Mega-Conference"
issue, the penalties on Ohio State weren't as severe as everyone expected. It
put them out of bowls for two years. Two years and the Bucknuts would be back
to their old ways of consistently competing for the Big 10 championship.

It was clear to Curley, Penn State needed a new coach. Penn State needed a big name coach who would
make in-house visits a constant again. It would be reminiscent of how Joe
earned the nickname "The Closer" in years past. The coaching changes also
required Curley to act faster than the other elite programs looking to hire
Coach M. Curley had beat them all to it.

The money had been there for a big time coach. Curley had to
protect Penn State's investment, which is the cash cow football program. The
facilities are some of the best in the country.
The stadium is one of the biggest in the world. The fan base and alumni
support are some of the best in the country. That same fan base had gotten used
to being middle of the pack. With Coach M, the expectations would rise to
national championship level quickly.

Before all of that could and would happen, it would take
Coach M., Joe's friend, to convince Joe it was time...

Canz would love
to hear from you regarding how wrong he is.
He can be reached at the very juvenile email address, CanztheMoose@yahoo.com. Or you can harass him on Twitter!