Saturday, 25 October 2014

Guest post, guess who two

I am knackered. A long and difficult night shift followed by three hours on the end of the phone talking to practical jokers, and I get home to discover that all the chicken sheds have been blown over in the wind, and the badger has eaten all the chickens which have escaped into the churchyard, with a little help from the fox.

Oh well, I think, I might as well collect the last of the eggs to deliver to the old ladies of the village, but - bugger me - one of the dogs has got to them before I did.

Just as in The Archers, all of the flowers have been flattened in the hurricane as well, so this year's show is going to be very sparse indeed.

I thought there would be just enough time to squeeze Millicent's anal glands before Chris gets back from his very important meeting at work, but what do I find when I go up to change the duvet? One of the dogs has had an extremely loose bowel-movement all over it, and the cat has settled down in the middle of the stinking mess, purring away as if nothing has happened.

Darling Tom, Let us help you get back into character immediately without hesitation for you know how divine we find you and you never disappoint us and we cannot wait to discuss the floppy boys with you again soon. Lance and Jane xxx

We are constantly amazed at how some people's lives are so eventful and interesting - ours seems so mundane by comparison, with a never-ending merry-go-round of exhibitions, opera and dinner-parties with semi-naked boys painted gold acting as waiters!

Dear Jane and LanceYou have just made me laugh so much without even mentioning shared underwear or the Walking Dead. I really must pull myself together and get off the hairdressers, but I will be chuckling all the way.Another super and delightful post.

We have risen momentarily from our sick beds, yes, we are even ill simultaneously, to say that charmed as we are that we may be thought capable of such characterisation ( if, indeed, that is what it is) it is not we who are the guests.

So ill are we that not a single exhibition has been visited by us, not a glass of champagne sipped, not a single dinner party with or without semi-naked gold painted writers has been hosted and not one blog post written either here or elsewhere. Indeed, not even the thought of Iford Manor can lift our spirits at present. That should surely indicate the severity of the situation!

In spite of in our last conversation here me comparing you to Barbara Cartland and a Mills & Boon novelette, I would like to take this opportunity of wishing you a speedy recovery from whatever it is you are ailing so that you can soon get back to your delightful blog posting and cultural activities and save your readers from permanent withdrawal symptoms. Rachelxx