Day 4. The examination results

A few weeks ago I had an general examination. Research has been done on urine, blood, feces in which no abnormalities were seen. I had also done an ultrasound of my belly, breasts, thyroid and uterine/ovarian .

The results of the Pap test were normal. In my thyroid several lumps were seen of which a biopsy is advised. In my right breast a cyst was seen and a mammography was advised. I just have done a mammography and no abnormalities were seen. Through an ultrasound of my womb they saw a fibroid (small) of which monitoring is advised and a revisit in six months. I’ll get a call to examine my moles in time to come.

So far, nothing bad has been discovered. I noticed that the people around me are responding rather laconic, when it comes to the outcome of these physical examinations, they say things like: good for you, in other words, there is probably nothing to worry about. I find that this way of responding makes me angry and I have the impression that I am not understood/heard.

I personally think the urine HCG research, which I had done at the Navarro clinic, is very reliable and I’m sure I will repeat this in months to come.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry, disappointed and sad when the people around me respond laconic on the outcome of the examinations done by the private clinic that I’ve visited where the results were negative for cancer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a pattern of expectation that my environment will respond in a serious way and having interest about the outcome of the test done in hospital.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be supported by the people around where they understand my situation and my faith in the Navarro clinic urine test.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the support since the whole event with the positive Navarro test is too big and overwhelming to me, and it feels like I am alone in it and as if no one places trust within the test I took.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a lack of trust in myself in which I am searching in other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at people that only rely on mainstream medicine and who label my choice as quackery, in which I forgive myself for not being stable and grounded in my own decision to follow an alternative way of healing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need the approval of others to continue the path I have chosen to heal myself.

When and as I see myself getting angry, disappointed or sad if I can not get the support from the people around me, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am the only one that is responsible for my own healing and there is no need to convince others of why I do what I do, choosing for my body and myself, without wasting my precious energy on conflicts and other people’s convictions.

And so, I commit myself to trust myself in doing the dr.Kelley diet, the Desteni I Process and within this I will repeat the Navarro clinic urine test (HCG test) in a while to keep track of my cancer.

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I was thinking about my mother’s situation, when she was examined in hospital because of her yellow color, they found she had liver metastases. After the diagnosis they gave her a total screening to find the source of the cancer in order to give her the right treatment. The source was never found, and they gave her chemotherapy as a normal cancer protocol. After her death, we as her family, were still wondering what the source was of the cancer she had, and the doctors told us that she had developed cancer in her pancreas.

In the meanwhile, I continued my quest. My focus was on ‘cancer of unknown primary origin’ like my mother had. This makes my mind go haywire and coming up with all sorts of doomsday scenarios. Things like: “Imagine they will discover metastases in my liver as well? I really need to know where the cancer has manifested, soon before it is too late.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with my mother thinking that I suffer from the same type of cancer as my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that, like my mother, I will not be able to find the source of my cancer and I’ll die from metastases in the liver or other areas. And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown, instead of realizing that I could have followed through, step by step, with the process of cleaning my body and mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not being here as one and equal with myself but to get carried away by my mind thinking all sorts of doomsday scenarios.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sad because I have not discovered the location of the cancer, in which I am afraid, that I cannot choose the right method of treatment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I knew the location of the cancer I might find another diet that is likely to have more success than the one I use now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt in forehand the diet I am following without having any prove of success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create all kind of ‘what if’ scenarios in order to avoid truly looking at my current situation in relation to ‘who I am’ within it, while suppressing my thought and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that something is missing in my diet, so the diet that I follow will not have the desired result, namely a reduction of my HCG titer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus rather on the diet than looking at myself as Marjo, who has cancer or Marjo who is unbalanced physically.

When and as I see myself having a mind that is jumping around who shows me all sorts of doomsday scenarios, I stop and breathe. I realize that I better take advice of people with factual knowledge, which can help me further. I commit myself to continue with the dr. Kelley diet until new developments/insights arise which require a change in my protocol.

When and as I see myself focussing more on my diet than on myself, I stop and breathe. I realise that obsessive focussing at my diet is a form of suppression to avoid looking at myself. I commit myself to stop focussing at my diet or other distractions, and instead look into myself and see what emotions and thoughts come up when being more and more here while stabilizing myself through breathing.

I’ve already been in contact with a nurse who is familiar with the dr. Kelley diet and the Navarro test. The nurse advised me not to touch the (palpable) cyst in my breast. I also had contact with dr. Navarro of the Navarro clinic. He advised me to leave the bumps in my thyroid so there is no risk of spreading cells that could be contaminated/cancerous.