'They're really into fake poops and things,' and more famous feedback

Lemony Snicket to Lauren Conrad “It has always been my belief that people who spend too much time with my work end up as lost souls, drained of reason, who lead lives of raving emptiness and occasional lunatic violence. What a relief it is to see this documented." --Author Lemony Snicket to Lauren Conrad. A video that featured Conrad ripping up Snicket's books for a craft project went viral this week, prompting his response.

Jean Claude Van Damme "I tell you what, you should ask her. She'll have a better memory. I'm 51 years old, do you know how much I was punched in the face on The Expendables?" --Jean Claude Van Damme, when asked by The Guardian about his 1994 affair with Kylie Minogue

Jodie Foster to Kristen Stewart "...Eventually this all passes. The public horrors of today eventually blow away. And, yes, you are changed by the awful wake of reckoning they leave behind. You trust less. You calculate your steps. You survive. Hopefully in the process you don't lose your ability to throw your arms in the air again and spin in wild abandon. That is the ultimate F.U. and — finally — the most beautiful survival tool of all. Don't let them take that away from you." --Jodie Foster, in a Daily Beast column addressed to Kristen Stewart

Rihanna "I felt protective. I felt like, 'The only person they hate right now is him.' It was a weird, confusing space to be in. Because as angry as I was, as angry and hurt and betrayed, I just felt like he made that mistake because he needed help, and who's going to help him? Nobody's going to say he needs help. Everybody's going to say he's a monster without looking at the source, and I was more concerned about him." --Rihanna, talking to Oprah Winfrey about Chris Brown and her feelings following the 2009 assault

Jon Stewart to Robert Pattinson “When you are young and you break up, it is powerful and it feels the world is ending. This is the first time I have seen the world actually act that way. Here is my wish for you: that you get to handle your business in private.” --Jon Stewart, during his Daily Show interview with Robert Pattinson

Charlie Sheen "I just go into my backyard with a bag of watermelons and a baseball bat and just take it out on imaginary Warner Brothers executives." -- Charlie Sheen, telling Dose.ca how he manages his anger

"Chlorine kills it so it's not bad." – Michael Phelps on peeing in the pool.

"There is no secret: You just have to eat healthy, work out, and torture yourself!" – Gwen Stefani on her ab-fab physique.

"She totally ate my diamonds on purpose. She was pooping them out all morning!" – Miley Cyrus, on her dog who ate her diamonds.

"The men were outrageous; flipping over that high bar like it was a go-go pole and contorting their bodies into positions that would make any yogi jealous." – Johnny Weir

"It might be a new job for me." – Chris Harrison on officiating weddings.

"People ask me if I'm Martha [Stewart]. And people ask Martha if I'm her. We're part of that group that could all be the same person. Me, Martha, Glenn [Close], and sometimes [television journalist] Lesley Stahl." – Diane Sawyer

"I'm talking about the new "It" couple. I'm talking about Kev-Ye-Kim." – Kevin Hart in a VMA 2012 promo spot.

"I've sworn off men until November." – Pamela Anderson, who's focusing on her Dancing With the Stars return.

"Kate Beckinsale's been fighting vampires and werewolves for centuries in the underworld. She looks fantastic for her age, 426." – Colin Farrell

"OK, I'm outta here. I'm going to the other side of the room!" – Camila McConaughey on meeting Matthew McConaughey

"To my Forty and over crew! Don't believe the hype...we DO get better with age!" – Jada Pinkett Smith

"I was nominated for an Oscar earlier this year, and I lost to … Christopher Plummer. I'd just like to point out that he's not nominated for anything tonight. So … I'm better." – Jonah Hill

"We've Tweeted him, we've stalked him [on] Facebook. We thought because he was so into volleyball he would have got back to us. But no luck so far." – Team USA beach volleyball player April Ross

"I've been working with her for the past few weeks, and she is annoying, obnoxious, disruptive. Did I say irritating? Yes, annoying, very annoying." – X Factor judge Simon Cowell, jokes about co-host Demi Lovato

"9 days and counting…so help me god i will make whoever did this pay." – Paris Jackson on Twitter

"I hope to be the incredible shrinking woman on the first season of The Ricki Lake Show!" – Ricki Lake

"My Happiness ... My Family! Ahhh, My Boys!" – Vanessa Lachey

"For the first time in my life, I spend more time meditating and doing yoga than I do having sex. That's only because I do a hell of a lot of yoga." – Russell Brand

"But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whose position is what, because she's the boss." – Casper Smart on girlfriend/boss, Jennifer Lopez.

"It's amazing how quickly you can type out d–bag." – Kate Beckinsale on text-fighting with her husband.

"This is from the husky baby collection. Thank you for asking." - Jimmy Kimmel on his outfit for the 2012 Emmy Award nominee announcement.