World Stops Turning

Disturbing reports coming in from the English county that used to be known as Lancashire (until Thatcher broke it asunder) - the world stopped turning yesterday.

Just for 90 minutes.

But for one day, floods, drought, recession, global warming, international terrorism, serial killers and nut jobs running amok with assault rifles took a back seat.

As Manchester United hosted arch rivals Liverpool at Old Trafford, in the greatest game (with the possible exception of chess, but that's not an athletic endeavour so it hardly counts. Too cerebral.) ever invented by man, the world actually stopped turning.

Nothing else mattered - just for those 90 minutes.

"We do the charity stuff," Kopite legend Micky McWhack told us. "And of course we care about what goes on in the world. But just for 90 minutes - there was nothing else. It was the most important issue of the day. Surely you can give us that?"

United fan, and long time Skoob Sports News consultant, Jarbo the Killer told us:

"There is nothing else. It's total warfare for 90 minutes. Like the Scousers, we donate to charities too, but you can't really expect us all - us or them - to have a conscience all the time. Give us a break. Just for those 90 minutes. That's all we ask."