Saturday Night Live is celebrating it's 40th anniversary this year and it's had some very memorable cast members (Eddie Murphy, Tina Fey, Adam Sandler to name a few) at studio 8H, and then there are some people who are very memorable actors, but we all sort of forgot their brief moments on the sketch comedy.
1. Robert Downey Jr. (85-86)
NBC/Yahoo
Robert Downey Jr. as suitcase boy, giving a "confrontational monologue"...it's not all that surprising he lasted only 1 season. But he's clearly moved on to bigger and better things.
2. Anthony Michael Hall (85-86)
NBC/Yahoo
To this day, Anthony Michael Hall still holds the title for youngest cast member on SNL, having joined when he was only 17-years-old in order to break his "geek" film typecast. He later admit he'd underestimated how competitive the show was.
3. Gilbert Gottfried (80-81)
NBC/YouTube
We thought it was impossible to forget that voice, but it was on SNL for a year.
4. Damon Wayans (85-86)
NBC/Yahoo
Wayans is best known for his time on In loving Color, it's easy to forget the year he spent at SNL.
5. Jenny Slate (09-10)
NBC/YouTube
You may or may not remember her time on SNL, as it wasn't that long ago, but you may remember someone dropping the F-bomb on live TV for the first time on this show. That was her.
6. Ben Stiller (1989)
NBC/Yahoo
His time as a featured player was brief, but this Weekend Update review of Rain Man with SNL legend Mike Meyers was a shining moment.
7. Billy Crystal (84-85)
NBC/YouTube
If you've been following SNL since the early days, you might not have forgotten about Billy Crystal and the many characters he portrayed in his 1-season run, but maybe you forgot the time he got Mr. T and Hulk Hogan to crack up on live TV.
8. Julia Louis-Dreyfus (82-85)
NBC/Yahoo
Maybe you're obsessed with Veep or still haven't gotten over Seinfeld, either way with such an extensive career, it's easy to forget Julia's early days on SNL (though she was the youngest woman ever cast at at 21-years-old).
9. Sarah Silverman (93-94)
NBC/YouTube
While there aren't many (if any) videos of Sarah's stint (she did mainyl write) on SNL 22 years ago, she does say she's happy that doesn't define her career.
10. Joan Cusack (85-86)
NBC/Yahoo
Her short time on SNL wasn't a bump in the road, but actually the spark that ignited her 30+ year career.
11. Rob Riggle (04-05)
NBC/Yahoo
You may not always recognize Rob Riggle by name, but you'll easily remember him from 21 Jump Street and Step Brothers. During his short time on SNL, he did impressions of Larry the Cable Guy, Toby Keith, and Howard Dean.
12. David Koechner (95-96)
NBC/Hulu
Before his Anchorman days, he became buddies with Will Ferrell when they were both cast members on this show.
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Warner Bros. Pictures via Everett Collection
The final Hobbit film has a brand new name. On his Facebook page, Peter Jackson revealed that the final leg of Bilbo's Journey, originally titled The Hobbit: There and Back Again, has been changed to The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. A week ago, there were rumors that the third film in Jackson's Hobbit trilogy might be retitled to Into the Fire, a title that in some ways felt apt, Smaug being a fire-breathing dragon and all, but also felt like one of those generic catch-all subtitles that could be sewed on to any film and fit seamlessly.
Battle of the Five Armies doesn't have the same nostalgic ring to it as There and Back Again, which is the actual subtitle to the original novel, but it does fit better than Into the Fire. J.R.R. Tolkien's novel does consist of a battle between five armies. In celebration of The Hobbit sequel's new title, We've decided to create a list of the most commonly used words in sequel titles equipped with a colon.
"Fire" Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me, Planes: Fire &amp; Rescue
"Back"Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back, Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood, Barbershop 2: Back in Business, Major League: Back to the Minors, Police Academy 3: Back in Trainin, Sister Act 2: Back In The Habit, Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back
"Revenge"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, Jaws: The Revenge, A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge, Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman, Cats &amp; Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
"First"X-Men: First Class, Star Trek: First Contact, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment, Police Story 4: First Strike
"Last"Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, X-Men: The Last Stand, Road House 2: Last Call, The Toxic Avenger III: The Last Temptation of Toxie
"Final" Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Lake Placid: The Final Chapter, Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult, Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)
"Next" The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Revenge of the Nerds III: The Next Generation
"Rise" 300: Rise of an Empire, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, National Lampoon's Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj
"Return"Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Cocoon: The Return, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Universal Soldier: The Return, Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return, Growing Pains: Return of the Seavers
"Dark" Thor: The Dark World, Star Trek Into Darkness,Transformers: Dark of the Moon, 30 Days of Night: Dark Days, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory
"Game" Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, Highlander: Endgame, Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, Delta Force 3: The Killing Game
"World"Thor: The Dark World (twofer!), The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Spy Kids: All the Time in the World, You Got Served: Beat the World, The Cheetah Girls: One World, In the Name of the King 2: Two Worlds, Air Bud: World Pup
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Bravo
If you’ve been secretly fantasizing about the Atlanta Housewives in Street Figher-like battles, then your consider your wish granted. This week marks Round 2 of NeNe Leakes’ Pajama Jammy Jam. To review… Christopher Williams grabbed Kenya Moore’s arm. This caused Kenya’s friend Brandon DeShazer to step in and promptly get smacked down by Apollo Nida and Peter Thomas. Then M. Bison stopped by and threatened to turn the world to ash.
Round 2 finds everyone reeling from what happened. NeNe is still yelling and blames Kenya. Porsha Stewart leaves because she’s about 50 percent sure someone’s possessed. She doesn’t go on record as saying she believes in ghosts but after seeing Bill Cosby die in Ghost Dad and then show up on her television she believes in evil spirits. Kenya and Brandon leave and Apollo shows off his sexy physique.
There’s a détente and peace is restored... until Kandi Burruss brings up what Natalie Macklin-Williams said about Todd Tucker. Natalie performs the 3-hit under the bus combo and shifts the blame to Cynthia Bailey. Cynthia and Kandi exchange words and hand gestures. Malorie Massie steps in to separate the two dueling ladies and that turns Kandi into E. Honda because a thousand hand-slaps start flying. However, honestly, Malorie could eat Kandi she’s so tiny. It would be like a gazelle fighting a smurf. Luckily, Phaedra Parks steps in and diffuses the situation.
In the light of day things look completely different. NeNe is emotional about her party. She blames Kenya for the drama. It’s clear NeNe has an agenda. Where does she think things will go when she brings a bunch of people with issues into one room? NeNe is the one that started pointing fingers and reading loaded questions to the group. However, since Kenya was the catalyst to the actual fight it looks like she stole focus from NeNe and released the Kraken. You don’t want to make NeNe angry.
Cynthia is not thrilled with Kandi’s behavior. Shockingly enough, Kandi isn’t either. They both recount that night’s events. Meanwhile, at Kenya’s model home, Brandon and Kenya are starting to resemble Team Rocket, the villains from Pokemon with their lame-brained schemes. They’re ultimately harmless but they keep starting unnecessary trouble. Brandon shows up with physical scars from the fight…and a police report. He’s consulted his lawyer Jacoby not Myers and if he presses charges it will be considered a felony. Apparently, one of his ribs is broken. This is starting to smell contrived, which coincidentally, smells like cotton candy and burning hair. Keep an eye out for Kenya’s new perfume Contrived at a 99 cent store near you.
Meanwhile, the divorce clock has started on Apollo and Phaedra. She seems unconcerned with Apollo’s presence or his apology. However, he did physically throw her aside to attack Brandon. But he does look good with his shirt off so maybe it’s a wash. They then discuss furries and pajama fetishists. Then Apollo apologizes (ha!) but he seems more relaxed after having instigated a full-on brawl. Remember, the first rule of pajama parties.
After a stunt casting call for Kandi’s musical, Kandi decides she needs to stage a mea culpa for the ladies. She invites them all to a spa for free massages. Unable to refuse anything free, they all show up despite their issues with each other. Cynthia avoids Kandi until she drags all the ladies together away from their free massages for tea… out of paper cups. There the ladies engage in the most ancient of reality television marital arts – the non-pology. It’s a lot like krav maga except instead of actual hits you just use indefinite words like “allegedly” and “if” a lot. The ladies finally agree that Kandi is sorry and that Cynthia is sorry if Malorie pushed Kandi.
But NeNe doesn’t care. She wants a pound of Kenya’s flesh for ruining her pa-drama jammy jam. She says Kenya manufactured the entire situation. However, given the play-by-play conveniently provided by the producers, it’s clear that Christopher did grab Kenya’s arm and Brandon did misguidedly step in. However, if anyone is an instigator its NeNe. Kenya may be an opportunist but this situation wouldn’t have been a powder keg of drama had NeNe not invited them all there. Meanwhile, NeNe starts making some borderline homophobic comments about Kenya's gay friend, Brandon. She may be a friend to gay people but she gets precariously close to crossing the line. They agree to disagree. They're lucky this isn't Mortal Kombat. Finish Her!
Talking Trash
Your hands aren’t clean they’re full of grease. – Kenya to NeNe
I just start seeing spirits in people’s faces. I wouldn’t say demons but there was definitely an evil spirit that entered their space. – Spiritualist Porsha
We all know Cynthia won’t pop a grape but we know her sister will pop off. – Kandi on her wine preferences?
I acted crazy and ratchet but, hey, I did it. – Kandi
When I came inside I saw a full-on episode of Jerry Stringer jumping up. She was acting like some ghetto-ass f**king heifer. – Peter describing Kandi
You were acting like your Momma. – Carmen
Phaedra: I’m very irritable today. Apollo: Only today?
I'm not sure I want to see Shade-dra. – Wordsmith Kenya
They massaged her so good she thought they put their toes up her butt. – Phaedra
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U.S. Dramatic/U.S. Dramatic/Premieres
Every year, film enthusiast from across the land journey to the hinterlands of Utah to partake in the Sundance Film Festival. A yearly event which can only be described as the holy pilgrimage og independent film. This year's festival is full of great films, but these ten works are the standout favorites that have garnered the most critical attention.
BoyhoodEveryone was sitting on the edge of their theater chairs to see the results of Richard Linklater’s wildly ambitious project Boyhood, which shot over 12 years and charts the life of a child from ages 6 to 18. It seems like the dozen years it took to make Boyhood were well worth it with with words like "masterpiece" popping up every so often in the rabble of critical praise. The film finds transcendance in the small and ordinairy moments that make up childhood, and the film's relatability is one of it's strongest merits Frequent Linklater collaborator Ethan Hawke and actress Patricia Arquette play the boy's parents. Though some critics are saying that the film is a tad too long, most agree that it is a one of a kind experience not to be missed.Best Review Quote: "Boyhood shines in its engrossing, experiential understanding and it’s a special achievement that should be cherished and acknowledged." - Rodrigo Perez, The Playlist
Kumiko the Treasure Hunter A strange, whimsical story about a young woman who becomes obsessed with a movie and is unable to separate it from reality, Kumiko the Treasure Hunter stars Rinko Kikuchi as Kumiko, a shy office worker who sets out to recover the suitcase that Steve Buscemi’s character buries in North Dakota at the end of Fargo. Based on an urban legend, the film has been described as a “spirited and sad adult fairytale [that] will surely baffle as many viewers as it enchants.” Directed by David Zellner and co-written with his brother Nathan, Kumiko the Treasure Hunter is an artsy indie film that balances the absurdity of its premise with a grounded, human performance from Kikuchi that has been greatly praised by critics. It might be one of the odder films featured at this year’s festival, and it’s unlikely to win over a mainstream audience, but with Kikuchi at the center, it’s definitely a film worth looking up. Best Review Quote: “It’s a marvelous role for Kikuchi, who has the intensity of the great silent film stars, and who’s fascinating to watch even when Kumiko is doing nothing more than sitting solemnly by the window of her apartment eating ramen noodles as a rain begins to fall.” - Scott Foundas, Variety
Life Itself This full-figured portrait of the late Roger Ebert delves into the well-lived life of the most famous and celebrated film critics of all time, and critics, some of which are his former peers, are praising its depiction of the late and great critic. The film is by turns, an unflinching and joyful appreciation of the man’s life, from it’s successful highs to its cancer-stricken lows. The film is being praised for it's sensitivity and brevity, but also for not shying away from Ebert's flaws, namely his alcholism and lust for women.Best Review Quote: "There was a thunder in Ebert's heart, and that was his love for movies, and he wanted to tell the world about films, both big ones and small. James should be high-fived every day of his life for telling the real story of Roger Ebert." - Chase Whale, The Playlist
Listen Up Philip The titular Philip is an insufferable jerk, a narcissistic author who spends much of the film insulting and berating the people around him and spending most of his time obsessed with himself and his novels. With Jason Schwartzman in the lead role, the film has been a critical favorite at the festival, with Schwartzman imbuing the right amount of charm to keep the hero from being completely unwatchable, and a sharp story that provides insight into the overbearing protagonist and the people in his life. The film has also been praised for its creative use of literary conventions, such as a voice-over narration that outlines what’s going on in Philip’s head, and chapters that shift the focus to the other characters, so that the audience can experience the story in the same novelistic way that Philip does. It’s not a film that will easily appeal to everyone, but the incredibly positive reviews should help earn the film plenty of attention and recognition.Best Review Quote: “Importantly, the protagonist disappears for a sizeable chunk of the film’s mid section (a device Perry borrowed from William Gaddis’ novel, Recognitions) and we learn as much about him in absentia as we do from being in his overwhelming presence.” - Emma Myers, IndieWire
Love Is Strange Bursting with truths that are both painful and fun yet all too real, Love Is Strange offers a portrait of love and separation. John Lithgow and Alfred Molina portray an older gay couple that gets married after 39 years of living together due to New York's changing same sex marriage laws, but vows are tested in earnest when financial hardships suddenly divide the couple. Critics are enamored with the loving authenticity that’s layered at the film’s heart, and were impressed with the heartfelt performances from the two leads.Best Review Quote: "Throughout the picture ... you understand the miracle and good fortune of finding love, and recognize the great changes in tolerance American society is currently (albeit slowly) undergoing." - Jordan Hoffman, Film.com
Obvious Child This year’s festival featured a number of films centered around a woman in her mid-to-late 20’s whose life is falling apart, but none of them stood out more than Obvious Child, the feature-length debut of writer-director Gillian Robespierre. An abortion rom-com, the film stars Jenny Slate as Donna Stern, an aspiring stand-up comic who becomes pregnant after a one-night stand, and is faced with the reality of being vastly unprepared for the sudden turn her life has taken. Critics have praised Obvious Child not only for doing away with the standard romantic comedy clichés and dealing with taboos head on, but also for handling the subject matter with realism and heart. Slate has also gotten praise for her performance, and should be able to break away from her short run on Saturday night Live in favor of being recognized as a solid actress in her own right. Best Review Quote: “There’s none of the expected movie-of-the-week scenes here—Slate never has an actorly monologue about her predicament, just a series of laugh-so-you-don’t-cry wisecracks […] And yet when Donna is laying sedated on an operating table and gravity sends her tears down her cheeks towards the clinical cold tile floor, you can recognize that her decision may be decisive, but it isn’t unfelt.” - James Rocci, The Playlist
The Raid 2: BerandalThe sequel to the Indonesian smash-hit actioner is getting acclaim from every inch of the festival for it’s wonderfully orchestrated yet absurdly violent fight scenes. Critics say that the film is a delight for genre fans who have a hunger for bloodletting, though the more squeamish members of the public should probably pack a sick bag if they want to make it to the end credits. The film is being called more ambitious than its predecessor, and some critics are divided if the larger emphasis on story and drama does the film and favors, but most agree that the sequel is a visceral and pulse-quickening follow up that certainly lives up to the first outing.Best Review Quote: "This orgy of broken bones and vicious badassery makes its cult predecessor look like a peevish bitch-slap." - David Rooney, The Hollywood Reporter
The Skeleton TwinsIf Will Forte's turn in Nebraska wasn’t proof enough; Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig are also striving to prove the dramatic acting chops of SNL vets with their well-received performances in the comedy-drama The Skeleton Twins. The pair play twins that are both suffering through bouts of depression, and the two characters struggle to regrow the sibling relationship that distance and shared pain had witherd away. Both Hader and Wiig are being praised for their nuanced performances as the duo confidently master the film's nicely balanced tone, which flutters between comedy and drama, but doesn't feel forced or jarring.Best Review Quote: "Hader and Wiig can play serious, can weave humor into their realistic performances, but what separates them from other actors and directors who attempt dangerously tired material is a foundation of collaboration. It’s easy to buy that they’re brother and sister because the rapport is established." - Matt Patches, Vanity Fair
The Voices Perhaps the most eccentric film premiering at Sundance this year, The Voices star Ryan Reynolds as a factory worker who is encouraged by his pets, a well-meaning dog named Bosco and a manipulative and evil cat named Mr. Whiskers, to commit murder. Described as a horror-thriller-comedy, the film does its best to do away with both genre conventions and horror film tropes in favor of a weirdly entertaining psychological drama that puts the audience on the same side as its mentally ill, serial killer hero. Critics have given Reynolds, who provided voices for Bosco and Mr. Whiskers in addition to playing the lead, rave reviews, praising his ability to commit to the character’s wilder moments while still keeping the film grounded and restrained. With such an insane premise, a compelling, committed performance and excellent direction from Marjane Satrapi – artist and director behind both the graphic novel and film Pesepolis – The Voices has all of the key ingredients to become a cult favorite, and quite possibly, even a mainstream success. Best Review Quote: “The film’s combination of psychological drama -- cue the childhood trauma -- with blood-splattered limb-cutting, talking heads in the fridge and talking pets on the couch is a risky one that finally works because [screenwriter Michael R.] Perry and Satrapi find the right tonal mixture for the material, with Jerry’s reality recognizable yet strangely heightened from the start (all the overly joyous pinks in the factory should have been a give-away).” - Boyd van Hoeij, The Hollywood Reporter
Whiplash Starring Miles Teller as an aspiring jazz drummer who is willing to give up everything in order to become one of the greats, and J.K. Simmons has his tyrant of a music teacher, who motivates his students through fear and torrents of insults, Whiplash is a film about the question of whether or not it’s worth it to dedicate everything you have in the name of art. The film earned rave reviews when it premiered on opening night, and critics have said that it boasts career making and defining performances from Teller and Simmons, respectively. It’s not the kind of music film that will leave audiences with a warm fuzzy feeling, but with two explosive leading men and a director who lived through it himself, Whiplash became the most attention-grabbing film to premiere at Sundance. Sony snapped up distribution rights on opening night, which means it’s definitely a film to look forward to in the coming year. Best Review Quote: “For those seeking perfection, one tiny slip threatens to jeopardize the ensemble as a whole. As a result, Fletcher’s strategy is to humiliate the stragglers in front of the entire group — the sort of abuse more commonly associated with locker rooms and war movies, whose high stakes [director David] Chazelle brings to bear on this more civilized arena.” - Peter Debruge, Variety
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After Dark Films
It seems a bit odd to take on a movie review of Courtney Solomon's Getaway, as only in the loosest terms is Getaway actually a movie. We begin without questions — other than a vague and frustrating "What the hell is going on?" — and end without answers, watching Ethan Hawke drive his car into things (and people) for the hour and a half in between. We learn very little along the way, probed to engage in the mystery of the journey. But we don't, because there's no reason to.
There's not a single reason to wonder about any of the things that happen to Hawke's former racecar driver/reformed criminal — forced to carry out a series of felonious commands by a mysterious stranger who is holding his wife hostage — because there doesn't seem to be a single ounce of thought poured into him beyond what he see. We learn, via exposition delivered by him to gun-toting computer whiz Selena Gomez, that he "did some bad things" before meeting the love of his life and deciding to put that all behind him. Then, we stop learning. We stop thinking. We start crashing into police cars and Christmas trees and power plants.
Why is Selena Gomez along for the ride? Well, the beginnings of her involvement are defensible: Hawke is carrying out his slew of vehicular crimes in a stolen car. It's her car. And she's on a rampage to get it back. But unaware of what she's getting herself into, Gomez confronts an idling Hawke with a gun, is yanked into the automobile, and forced to sit shotgun while the rest of the driver's "assignments" are carried out. But her willingness to stick by Hawke after hearing his story is ludicrous. Their immediate bickering falls closer to catty sexual tension than it does to genuine derision and fear (you know, the sort of feelings you'd have for someone who held you up or forced you into accessorizing a buffet of life-threatening crimes).
After Dark Films
The "gradual" reversal of their relationship is treated like something we should root for. But with so little meat packed into either character, the interwoven scenes of Hawke and Gomez warming up to each other and becoming a team in the quest to save the former's wife serve more than anything else as a breather from all the grotesque, impatient, deliberately unappealing scenes of city wreckage.
And as far as consolidating the mystery, the film isn't interested in that either, as evidenced by its final moments. Instead of pressing focus on the answers to whatever questions we may have, the movie's ultimate reveal is so weak, unsubstantial, and entirely disconnected to the story entirely, that it seems almost offensive to whatever semblance of a film might exist here to go out on this note. Offensive to the idea of film and story in general, as a matter of fact. But Getaway isn't concerned with these notions. Not with story, character, logic, or humanity. It just wants to show us a bunch of car crashes and explosions. So you'd think it might have at least made those look a little better.
1/5
More Reviews:'The Hunt' Is Frustrating and Fantastic'You're Next' Amuses and Occasionally Scares'Short Term 12' Is Real and Miraculous
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We all have regrets. Misguided teen-year antics, toxic romances, ill-conceived business ventures. And for the vast majority of humans plagued with crippling remorse, there is very little to be done in the vein of correcting old mistakes. Accepting our own personal histories and moving on with dignity is generally the best course of action. But Universal Pictures is opting instead to take a mulligan on one of its less appreciated ventures: The Hollywood Reporter reports that the studio is carrying forth with a second go at Dr. Seuss' classic How the Grinch Stole Christmas, this time as an animated movie.
Following a string of varyingly successful Seuss remakes, from its disappointing Jim Carrey-starring Grinch in 2000 up to last year's equally groan-inspiring The Lorax, Universal is handing the holiday property to first-time director Peter Candeland and Lorax and Horton Hears a Who! producer Chris Meledandri, with Seuss' widow Audrey Geisel on board as EP.
RELATED: Celebrating Dr. Seuss' Most Iconic Works
When adapting certain pieces of material, expansion and invention can be encouraged. People tend to be intrigued by new twists on old favorites; modernization and deconstruction can apply outdated classics to our present psychology, with a fresh voice. But when it comes to Dr. Seuss, fans seem to maintain the mindset of preservation.
People were miffed by the liberties taken with Carrey's Grinch and 2012's Lorax (the public's issues with Mike Myers' The Cat in the Hat, however, were more about the fact that it was just plain abysmal). A more faithful rendition of the story, in animated form, is likely to satisfy. Progress and creation are almost universally positive endeavors, but the attitude on Seuss seems to be that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
That said, is the best we can hope for simply a regurgitation of the revered animated Grinch film already at our disposal (the 1966 Boris Karloff special)? Or is there a happy medium between Universal's past attempts and a carbon copy of the well aged cartoon stretched out over 90 minutes?
The adaptation of near sacred writing like Seuss' Grinch will prove a tricky task for Universal and Candeland. But working in their favor is the fact that, no matter how ill-fated a project this might be, the original story is just whimsical enough to make all fans think, "Maybe this one will work!"
[Photo Credit: Random House]
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We've delved passionately into many adventures over the course of these past few months. Political season spawned the frightful warfare between pack animals (Donkeys Vs. Elephants) and snack foods (Pizza Vs. Burritos). Professional sports tossed us headfirst into a battle between jungle beasts and humanoid behemoths (Tigers Vs. Giants). And the release of the final chapter of The Twilight Saga left us smack dab in the middle of an age-old rivalry of Edwards Vs. Jacobs. But now, what with young Biblo Baggins and his gaggle of friends and foes gracing theaters at long last with The Hobbit, we find ourselves facing another unexpected journey: Trolls Vs. Dwarves.
Yes, our latest foray into the trenches will set us betwixt pop culture's greatest examples of each member of these mythological species. When the feuding forces face off in Middle-earth, we are not quite plagued with the query of whom we might consider the more venerable team. A Troll has at its disposal size, strength, an ostensibly impenetrable epidermis. But a Dwarf! Think of the spirit, the beards, the propensity for musical housekeeping. A close battle this will be, no doubt. And one that we have been delegated with overseeing. Because that's what we do here on the Internet.
And so, let us setting off through the forests, mountains, caverns, and regional theater houses of pop culture to pit against one another those individuals most worthy of adorning these Tolkienian titles. Gather your precious accessories and fire up the rabbit sleigh: it's time for the epic escapade of Trolls Vs. Dwarves.
The Fairy Tale Journey: The Bridge Troll Vs. The Seven Dwarves
Fighting for the Troll Race: The bridge-and-tunnel dweller from the "Three Billy Goats Gruff" children's story
You have my sword, my bow, and...: His insatiable appetite, and a residence that gets Red Hot Chili Peppers stuck in enemies' heads
Fighting for the Dwarf Race: The day-laboring septet of Snow White acclaim
You have my sword, my bow, and...: Their impressive work-ethic, plus a sneeze packed with superhuman inertia
The Victor: The Seven Dwarves, of course. First of all, strength in numbers. Second, they've got Disney money funding their fight.
The '80s Movies Journey: Torok Vs. Willow
Fighting for the Troll Race: The dastardly San Francisco based monster who just wants to be human again from John Carl Buechler's 1986 horror film Troll
You have my sword, my bow, and...: His emerald ring... huh, I guess magical rings and trolls are just naturally coexisting phenomena in fantasy fiction
Fighting for the Dwarf Race: Willow Ufgood, the good-hearted warrior who fends off forces of evil to protect an innocent young infant
You have my sword, my bow, and...: His spellbook, courtesy of a wizard as special thanks for being such a devoted bodyguard — also, he's totally cool to watch your kids while you run to the food store real quick
The Victor: Willow. No heart as strong as his can be overtaken by a dark force like Torok.
The Comedic Journey: Danny DeVito's Tolling Troll Vs. Tim Conway's Dorf
Fighting for the Troll Race: Danny DeVito's wretched, beaked creature, charged with keeping prisoner the "baby boy" who would eventually slay the Night Man and win the heart of a coffee shop princess
You have my sword, my bow, and...: His wicked occupancy of the boy's hole soul, and a bounty of toll money
Fighting for the Dwarf Race: Tim Conway's jack of all trades character Dorf, of such films as Dorf on Golf, Dorf Goes Fishing, and Dorf and the First Games of Mount Olympus
You have my sword, my bow, and...: His knack for bestowing knowledge about some of life's great mysteries unto the viewing public
The Victor: Danny DeVito wins this battle, thanks in part because he's "got a guy" for this sort of thing
The Cyberspace Journey: Internet Trolls Vs. The "PYGMIES + DWARFS" Argument
Fighting for the Troll Race: The notorious subspecies that haunts Reddit message boards.
You have my sword, my bow, and...: Their tenacity for ruining intelligent conversations about pop culture phenomena
Fighting for the Dwarf Race: The controversial "PYGMIES + DWARFS" Argument that spawned on the famed science blog Pharyngula between host PZ Myers and Bible literalist Jim Pinkoski
You have my sword, my bow, and...: Its mind-blowing absurdity
The Victor: "PYGMIES VS. DWARFS." The whole ordeal might be divisive, but everyone hates Internet trolls.
The Really Cold Places Journey: The Troll Ski Resort Vs. Eris, the Dwarf Planet
Fighting for the Troll Race: The lovely vacation spot of the Troll Ski Resort, located in snowy British Columbia!
You have my sword, my bow, and...: It's challenging slopes and piping hot cocoa
Fighting for the Dwarf Race: Eris, the dwarf planet floating outside of Neptune's orbit
You have my sword, my bow, and...: The fact that it's almost freakin' planet
The Victor: Eris, because it has an actual gravitational pull. Although I hear the TSR is divine.
The Musical Journey: Troll (the band) Vs. Dwarves (also a band)
Fighting for the Troll Race: A band. They're called Troll. I have never heard of them.
You have my sword, my bow, and...: Their black metal.
Fighting for the Dwarf Race: Dwarves, another band. I also don't know them. I'm sorry.
You have my sword, my bow, and...: Their American punk!
The Victor: Trolls. I find their music more frightening.
The Ultimate Journey: Troll Dolls Vs. Tyrion Lannister
Fighting for the Troll Race: Those horrifying dolls that hypnotized American youths into thinking they were awesome back in the '60s
You have my sword, my bow, and...: Their mortifying profit margins
Fighting for the Dwarf Race: Tyrion Lannister, Peter Dinklage's fan favorite antihero on Game of Thrones
You have my sword, my bow, and...: His Emmy
The Victor: Tyrion Lannister, and I'm sure no one is going to argue with me there (people love that dude).
We might have lost a couple of Dwarves in this treacherous crusade, but the Trolls' wrath was duly quelled. The Dwarves, the force of good in The Hobbit (and almost everywhere else, it seems!) will always prevail. Head on out to theaters to see them take down a few nasty Trolls in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey!
[Photo Credit: Warner Bros.]
More:
Remember All the 'Hobbit' Dwarves with This Mnemonic Device
What Your Favorite Troll Says About You
'The Hobbit': What the Heck is a 'Warg?' Middle Earth Vocabulary For Non-Nerds
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Robert Zemeckis is a blockbuster director at heart. Action has never been an issue for the man behind Back to the Future. When he puts aside the high concept adventures for emotional human stories — think Forrest Gump or Cast Away — he still goes big. His latest Flight continues the trend revolving the story of one man's fight with alcoholism around a terrifying plane crash. Zemeckis expertly crafts his roaring centerpiece and while he finds an agile performer in Denzel Washington the hour-and-a-half of Flight after the shocking moment can't sustain the power. The "big" works. The intimate drowns.
Washington stars as Whip Whitaker a reckless airline pilot who balances his days flying jumbo jets with picking up women snorting lines of cocaine and drinking himself to sleep. Although drunk for the flight that will change his life forever that's not the reason the plane goes down — in fact it may be the reason he thinks up his savvy landing solution in the first place. Writer John Gatins follows Whitaker into the aftermath madness: an investigation of what really happened during the flight Whitaker's battle to cap his addictions and budding relationships that if nurtured could save his life.
Zemeckis tops his own plane crash in Cast Away with the heart-pounding tailspin sequence (if you've ever been scared of flying before Flight will push into phobia territory). In the few scenes after the literal destruction Washington is able to convey an equal amount of power in the moments of mental destruction. Whitaker is obviously crushed by the events the bottle silently calling for him in every down moment. Flight strives for that level of introspection throughout eventually pairing Washington with equally distraught junkie Nicole (Kelly Reilly). Their relationship is barely fleshed out with the script time and time again resorting to obvious over-the-top depictions of substance abuse (a la Nic Cage's Leaving Las Vegas) and the bickering that follows. Washington's Whitaker hits is lowest point early sitting there until the climax of the film.
Sharing screentime with the intimate tale is the surprisingly comical attempt by the pilot's airline union buddy (Bruce Greenwood) and the company lawyer (Don Cheadle) to get Whitaker into shape. Prepping him for inquisitions looking into evidence from the wreckage and calling upon Whitaker's dealer Harling (John Goodman) to jump start their "hero" when the time is right the two men do everything they can to keep any blame being placed upon Whitaker by the National Transportation Safety Board investigators. The thread doesn't feel relevant to Whitaker's plight and in turn feels like unnecessary baggage that pads the runtime.
Everything in Fight shoots for the skies — and on purpose. The music is constantly swelling the photography glossy and unnatural and rarely do we breach Washington's wild exterior for a sense of what Whitaker's really grappling with. For Zemeckis Flight is still a spectacle film with Washington's ability to emote as the magical special effect. Instead of using it sparingly he once again goes big. Too big.
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There's an allure to imperfection. With his latest drama Lawless director John Hillcoat taps directly into the side of human nature that draws us to it. Hillcoat finds it in Prohibition history a time when the regulations of alcohol consumption were subverted by most of the population; He finds it in the rural landscapes of Virginia: dingy raw and mesmerizing. And most importantly he finds it in his main character Jack Bondurant (Shia LaBeouf) the scrappy third brother of a moonshining family who is desperate to prove his worth. Jack forcefully injects himself into the family business only to discover there's an underbelly to the underbelly. Lawless is a beautiful film that's violent as hell striking in a way only unfiltered Americana could be.
Acting as the driver for his two outlaw brothers Forrest (Tom Hardy) and Howard (Jason Clarke) isn't enough for Jack. He's enticed by the power of the gangster figure and entranced by what moonshine money can buy. So like any fledgling entrepreneur Jack takes matters into his own hands. Recruiting crippled family friend/distillery mastermind Cricket (Dane DeHaan) the young whippersnapper sets out to brew his own batch sell it to top dog Floyd Banner and make the family rich. The plan works — but it puts the Bondurant boys in over their heads with a new threat: the corrupt law enforcers of Chicago.
Unlike many stories of crime life Lawless isn't about escalation. The movie drifts back and forth leisurely popping in moments like the beats of a great TV episode. One second the Bondurants could be talking shop with their female shopkeep Maggie Beauford (Jessica Chastain). The next Forrest is beating the bloody pulp out of a cop blackmailing their operation. The plot isn't thick; Hillcoat and screenwriter Nick Cave preferring to bask in the landscapes the quiet moments the haunting terror that comes with a life on the other side of the tracks. A feature film doesn't offer enough time for Lawless to build — it recalls cinema-level TV currently playing on outlets like HBO and AMC that have truly spoiled us — but what the duo accomplish is engrossing.
Accompanying the glowing visuals and Cave's knockout workout on the music side (a toe-tapping mix of spirituals bluegrass and the writer/musician's spine-tingling violin) are muted performances from some of Hollywood's rising stars. Despite LaBeouf's off-screen antics he lights up Lawless and nails the in-deep whippersnapper. His playful relationship with a local religious girl (Mia Wasikowska) solidifies him as a leading man but like everything in the movie you want more. Tom Hardy is one of the few performers who can "uurrr" and "mmmnerm" his way through a scene and come out on top. His greatest sparring partner isn't a hulking thug but Chastain who brings out the heart of the impenetrable beast. The real gem of Lawless is Guy Pearce as the Bondurant trio's biggest threat. Shaved eyebrows pristine city clothes and a temper like a rabid wolverine Pearce's Charlie Rakes is the most frightening villain of 2012. He viciously chews up every moment he's on screen. That's even before he starts drawing blood.
Lawless is the perfect movie for the late August haze — not quite the Oscary prestige picture or the summertime shoot-'em-up. It's drama that has its moonshine and swigs it too. Just don't drink too much.
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The trailers for Hope Springs might lead you to believe it's a romantic comedy about a couple trying to jumpstart their sexless marriage but it causes more empathetic cringing than chuckles. Audiences will be drawn to Hope Springs by its stars Meryl Streep Tommy Lee Jones and Steve Carell and Streep's track record of pleasing summer movies like Julie &amp; Julia and Mamma Mia! that offer a respite from the blockbusters flooding theaters. Despite what its marketing might have you believe Hope Springs isn't a rom-com. The film is a disarming mixture of deeply intimate confessions by a married couple in the sanctuary of a therapist's office awkwardly honest attempts by that couple to physically reconnect and incredibly sappy scenes underscored by intrusive music. Boldly addressing female desire especially in older women it's hard not to give the movie extra credit for what writer Vanessa Taylor's script is trying to convey and its rarity in mainstream film. The ebb and flow of intimacy and desire in a long-term relationship is what drives Hope Springs and while there are plenty contrived moments and unresolved issues it is frankly surprising and surprisingly frank. It's a summer release from a major studio with high caliber stars aimed squarely at the generally underserved 50+ audience addressing the even more taboo topic of that audience's sex life.
Streep plays Kay a suburban wife who's deeply unsatisfied emotionally and sexually by her marriage to Arnold. Arnold who is played by Tommy Lee Jones as his craggiest sleeps in a separate bedroom now that their kids have left the nest; he's like a stone cold robot emotionally and physically and Kay tiptoes around trying to make him happy even as he ignores her every gesture. One of the most striking scenes in the movie is at the very beginning when Kay primps and fusses over her modest sleepwear in the hopes of seducing her husband. Streep makes it obvious that this isn't an easy thing for Kay; it takes all her guts to try and wordlessly suggest sex to her husband and when she's shot down it hurts to watch. This isn't a one time disconnect between their libidos; this is an ongoing problem that leaves Kay feeling insecure and undesirable.
After a foray into the self-help section of her bookstore Kay finds a therapist who holds week-long intensive couples' therapy sessions in Good Hope Springs ME and in a seemingly unprecedented moment of decisiveness she books a trip for the couple. Arnold of course is having none of it but he eventually comes along for the ride. That doesn't mean he's up for answering any of Dr. Feld's questions though. To be fair Dr. Feld (Carell) is asking the couple deeply intimate questions so if Arnold is comfortable foisting his amorous wife off with the excuse he had pork for lunch it's not so far-fetched to believe he'd be angry when Feld asks him about his fantasy life or masturbation habits.
Although Arnold gets a pass on some of his issues Kay is forthright about why and how she's dissatisfied. When Dr. Feld asks her if she masturbates she says she doesn't because it makes her too sad. Kay offers similar revelations; she's willing to bare it all to revive her marriage while Arnold thinks the fact that they're married at all means they must be happy. Carell's Dr. Feld is soothing and kind (even a bit bland) but it's always a pleasure to see him play it straight.
It's subversive for a mega-watt star to play a character that talks about how sexually unsatisfied she is and how unsexy she feels with the man she loves most in the world. The added taboo of Kay and Arnold's age adds that much more to the conversation. Kay and Arnold's attempts at intimacy are emotionally raw and hard to watch. Even when things get funny they're mostly awkward funny not ha-ha funny.
The rest of the movie is a little uneven wrapped up tightly and happily by the end. Their time spent soul-searching alone is a little cheesy especially when Kay ends up in a local bar where she gets a little dizzy on white wine while dishing about her problems to the bartender (Elisabeth Shue). Somewhere along the line what probably started out as a character study ended up as a wobbly drama that pushes some boundaries but eventually lets everyone off the emotional hook in favor of a smoothed-over happy ending. Still its disarming moments and performances almost balance it out. Although its target audience might be dismayed to find it's not as light-hearted as it would seem Hope Springs offers up the opportunity for discussion about sexuality and aging at a time when books and films like 50 Shades of Grey and Magic Mike are perking up similar conversations. In the end that's a good thing.