“I am going to EGOT. For us. For the family. And especially for little Chewbaquina Jordan.”

Were EGOTs a thing before 30 Rock? Obviously winning an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony has been around since 1962, when composer Richard Rodgers first accomplished the feat, but before 2009’s “Dealbreakers Talk Show,” I honestly don’t remember ever hearing the acronym said in real life. Now it’s everywhere, especially after Sunday’s Oscars ceremony, when Frozen songwriter Robert Lopez became the 12th member of celebrity version of eating a sub, hoagie, grinder, and hero (not including Liza Minnelli, James Earl Jones and Barbra Streisand, who won “non-competitive” awards).

Just because, let’s rank all 12 members using some incredibly scientific criteria: if I’ve heard of them, and how much I like the things that got them their awards. (Oh, and I only included their first win.) Not at all subjective, though I KNOW we can all agree on #1.

12. Jonathan Tunick

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E: Outstanding Achievement in Music Direction (Night of 100 Stars)
G: Best Instrumental Arrangement Accompanying Vocals (“No One is Alone” by Cleo Laine)
O: Best Music, Original Song Score, and Its Adaptation or Best Adaptation Score (A Little Night Music)
T: Best Orchestrations (Titanic)

11. Helen Hayes

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E: Best Actress (Schlitz Playhouse of Stars)
G: Best Spoken Word Recording (Great American Documents)
O: Best Actress in a Leading Role (The Sin of Madelon Claudet)
T: Best Actress, Dramatic (Happy Birthday)

10. Richard Rodgers

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E: Outstanding Achievement in Original Music Composed (Winston Churchill: The Valiant Years)
G: Best Show Album (Original Cast) (The Sound of Music)
O: Best Song (“It Might as Well Be Spring” from State Fair)
T: Best Musical (South Pacific)

9. John Gielgud

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E: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Special (Summer’s Lease)
G: Best Spoken Word, Documentary or Drama Recording (Ages of Man)
O: Best Actor in a Supporting Role (Arthur)
T: Outstanding Foreign Company (The Importance of Being Earnest)

8. Whoopi Goldberg

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E: Outstanding Special Class Special (Beyond Tara: The Extraordinary Life of Hattie McDaniel)
G: Best Comedy Recording (Whoopi Goldberg: Original Broadway Show Recording)
O: Best Actress in a Supporting Role (Ghost)
T: Best Musical (Thoroughly Modern Millie)

7. Marvin Hamlisch

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E: Outstanding Individual Achievement in Music Direction (Barbra: The Concert)
G: Song of the Year (“The Way We Were”)
O: Best Music, Original Dramatic Score (The Way We Were)
T: Best Musical Score (A Chorus Line)

6. Scott Rudin

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E: Outstanding Children’s Program (He Makes Me Feel Like Dancin’)
G: Best Musical Theater Album (The Book of Mormon)
O: Best Picture (No Country for Old Men)
T: Best Musical (Passion)

5. Robert Lopez

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E: Outstanding Achievement in Music Direction and Composition (Wonder Pets)
G: Best Musical Theater Album (The Book of Mormon)
O: Best Original Song (Frozen)
T: Tony Award for Best Score (Avenue Q)

4. Rita Moreno

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E: Outstanding…Single Performance by a Supporting Actress in Variety or Music (The Muppet Show)
G: Best Recording for Children (The Electric Company)
O: Best Actress in a Supporting Role (West Side Story)
T: Best Featured or Supporting Actress in a Play (The Ritz)

3. Audrey Hepburn

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E: Outstanding Individual Achievement, Informational Programming (Gardens of the World)
G: Best Spoken Word Album for Children (Audrey Hepburn’s Enchanted Tales)
O: Best Actress in a Leading Role (Roman Holiday)
T: Best Actress in a Drama (Ondine)

2. Mike Nichols

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E: Outstanding Directing for a Miniseries, Movie, or a Special (Wit)
G: Best Comedy Performance (An Evening with Mike Nichols and Elaine May)
O: Best Director (The Graduate)
T: Best Director, Dramatic (Barefoot in the Park)

1. Mel Brooks

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E: Outstanding Writing…in Variety (The Sid Caesar, Imogene Coca, Carl Reiner, and Howard Morris Special)
G: Best Spoken Comedy Album (The 2000 Year Old Man in the Year 2000)
O: Original Screenplay (The Producers)
T: Best Book of a Musical (The Producers)

This all came up when tabloids were calling for Jimmy “Mega-Paedo” Saville’s knighthood to be stripped and Buckingham Palace said they’d love to but can’t as a person’s knighthood is gone once they die. It got silly then with people suggesting they give him another one just so they could ceremonially take it back.

How far away are the South Park guys? Realistically they should have won at least a musical Oscar for best original song for “Blame Canada,” probably one for a Team America song as well, RealTalk: also best production design. To achieve all of that with marionettes was pretty damn awesome, also bringing the medium back? Classic. The emmy nods speak for themselves, and they have a Tony too. The Grammys would also be difficult, but the score to Book of Mormon, a hoarde of South Park songs, or anything from their movies should suffice.