Scott McClellan:
...and that is why, to this very day, Denmark remains so cold. It had a lot
more to do with 'free expression' than many Americans might be willing to
admit. Rob?

Reporter:
Scott, can you tell us how the president felt about losing the 2012 Olympics
to Tony Blair?

SM:
Needless to say, he felt very badly about it. The president has been putting
a little distance between himself and PM Blair as of late, and this sort of
deception on the part of London is a pretty blatant illustration as to why
that situation is the way it is. Still, the president believes that we
should view this tragic denial of what is so rightfully ours not as a case
of Blair winning the games, but as a case of Hillary losing them. Yes, we
want to thank the senator from New York for being the US emissary to the
International Olympic Committee. Thanks Hillary. Better luck next time. Yes?

R:
Scott, could this... this whole tragedy with the Olympics... is there any
way that this could have turned out differently?

SM: Could have, should
have, would have... These are the sort of words we're left with,
aren't they? I suppose... well... no, sorry..."

R: Scott, go on.

SM: I was just thinking
about the rich sad irony that can literally encrust life's little dreams
like walnut cream cheese on a sour dough bagel. As a lot of you know, the
president likes sports. Heck, the president loves sports.

R: You tell 'em, Scottie.

SM: He's always ready to
play. Well, if I could turn back time...

R: Turn it back, Scottie.

SM: ...and put things
right again...

R: You mean?

SM: Yes, I do. I think
the president could have gotten us those Olympics in a heartbeat.

R: Damn Hillary...

SM: The young lady from
the AP.

R: Yes, Scott. There have
been rumors printed by the British press that the president may have seen an
advance screening of 'The Fantastic Four'. Any truth there?

SM: I don't like to get
into personal details of the president's schedule, but I can confirm that
the event you mentioned did take place over the weekend.

R: Follow up, please.

SM: Go ahead.

R: Did the president like
the movie?

SM: Yes. Yes he did. I'm
pleased to say that he liked it very much, particularly the big orange
monster. He was running around here all day Sunday yelling 'It's
clobberin' time'. Jonesy?

R: Scott, just what does
the president mean when he says that there will be no litmus test for his
nominee to the high court?

SM: I believe that the
president has made his view very clear on this issue. He is not going to
nominate someone on the basis of a single test. He's going to use a whole
battery of tests. Of course he'll use the pregnancy test, but there will be
an Aids test, an endurance test, a mammogram, should that be deemed
necessary, the all important colonoscopy, and a good testing of mental and
spiritual health to ensure that our nominee is good and fit to serve for the
next thirty years. Time for one more. Bosco?