Sunday, September 21, 2008

Touching the Void

We met with the oncologist, David Ryan, on the 15th. All I can say is, I much prefer the company of gastroenterologist -- they are a downright jolly crowd by comparison. But that is a post for another day.

So here is the scoop -- there were cancer cells in my lymph nodes. Not good. I had a baseline CT scan done yesterday. I am having a porta-cath placed under my right collar bone on Wednesday. And I will be starting chemo on Friday, October 3rd. It will be a combo of Oxaliplatin and Gemcitabine. According to Dr. Ryan, the side-effects should be mild-to-moderate. This isn't the hair-falling-out, vomiting everywhere kind of treatment, but I still am facing extreme fatigue for the first few days (we are planning on me getting chemo on Fridays so I have the weekends to recover) and flu-like symptoms (chills, aches), as well as numbness and tingling in my hands and feet and it could possibly put me into menopause. Permanently.

I'll be receiving chemo at MGH every other week for six months. And I'll be having CT scans every two months to make sure it is working (i.e. the cancer isn't popping up somewhere else in my body).

All this news was... deflating. I wasn't prepared for such a long treatment. And the fact is, six months is the optimistic outlook. Add to it the complete alien nature of what is about to happen to me, and getting through the next few weeks, until the first chemo treatment is behind me, is daunting. I feel like I'm in a foreign land, don't speak the language and am blindfolded to boot.

colleen - you are in my thoughts and prayers. i know you can make it thru all of this but if you need someone to come cheer you up one day, let me know! I'm just over the river and through the woods :-)

Stay strong, my friend. And don't forget that you are surrounded by people who love you and are sending you thoughts of healing and strength. I know this is shitty news and the thought of this long, drawn-out treatment seems like too much to bear, but as they say, one day at a time. You'll get there, I just know it!

i am only just seeing this colleen. i am so sorry you are feeling so alienated and deflated. it is a lot to stomach, no doubt about that. you are a strong, determined woman and this is going to help you step up and FIGHT this beast with all you have. i have no doubts that you will get through this. yes, i wish that the news had been better and the treatment plan shorter, but it is what it is and we will all help you get through it in little steps. you have so many people thinking about, praying for and supporting you. please dont ever feel along (hugs).sending you all the love and light i can muster here in germany,michi

You are an inspiration to us all. Not only are you going through something that I wouldn't wish on anyone, you are doing it with style and grace! While the nature of your posts breaks my heart, you wit and humor through it all astounds me! Many well wishes and blessings from my family to yours (and one big hug too!).

Colleen - I'm not sure you are checking this blog, but wanted to post here too to send you my love. I wish you peace in this impossibly difficult time my good friend. You are a wonderful mommy and a beautiful person, and there are so many of us who love you.

Colleen- What do you say? Words just don't suffice in situations like yours.

May the coming months multiply and be filled with kisses from your loved ones. In the past, you helped me through some impossible times, and it means so much to have shared that journey with you. While I can't share this journey with you in the same way, I hope you know that my heart is with you all the time. I wish you and your family well and am thinking of the four of you constantly.

I'll miss you sweetie....your bright and infectious banter will always be missed. I hope that heaven isn't too high to be close to your kids and your hubby. Whenever I spin, knit, or dye I'll put a bit of your love into it. you're deeply missed and thank you for every day that you encourage and inspire, may you never be forgotten. Here's to telling the void to go 'f' itself.

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About Me

Me -- Compulsive knitter, neurotic cleaner. Inveterate tea drinker. In touch with my inner pitbull. Oh -- I'm a writer/editor/proofreader by profession.I've changed directions and am now a fiber artist. The money is not as good, but the job satisfaction is high. How it is I'm only starting a blog now is beyond me.