A) They're actually the same story, but the two news outlets just wrote different headlinesB) Pelosi will also eat your tongue, attach herself inside your mouth, and live off of the food you intakeC) The Host-Body Fish is as sick of handing over most of its hard-earned food to a Parasite as we citizens are of handing over our hard-earned money to this corrupt and socialist CongressD) The parasite also thinks Tea-Party goers are Redneck NazisE) We're all Racists

Extra Credit: Can it really be coincidence that those two stories appear in the news on the same day?