Friday, August 7, 2015

The unimaginable consequences

At 31, my circle of friends ranges from those in their early 20s to early 40s; people I’ve known since nursery, from work or met out and about. A few are married. Many are single and want a relationship. Most are in a relationship but don’t want to get married. Several have babies and have no intention of leaving their partner, but have no desire to get hitched, either.

It’s a fact our mothers can’t fathom. Even mine, a staunch feminist who pushed me to get a degree over a boyfriend, still worries about my future security because although her generation had Gloria Steinem as a role model, getting married was still The Norm.

In other words, her daughter is doing what was expected of her, and now her staunch feminist mother is beginning to realize that she may have inadvertently ended her line by indoctrinating her daughter. Oopsy!

Chloe, 24, says, “I usually end it with a guy when he gets too serious, but I also think it’s down to the individual and if the right guy came along, that could all change. As for marriage and babies, that couldn’t be further from my mind.”

And they wonder why the players play? That's the treatment that women like Chloe merit.

Cail,Her fear is of the wrong guy getting serious. I don't think it has as much to do with marriage.

Her fear of commitment is about availability for all men and not being made to feel guilty by sleeping around behind her steady-guy's back. Her guys are just looking to lock her down to exclusivity. I'm not sure they're pushing marriage, as much as, "Let's keep that cooch between the two of us."

I don't think she fears marriage as much as she fears missing out on the thrill of riding the carousel for until the very last minute, then jumping off into billionaire, handyman model's arms to stick the perfect Go Grrrrrrl score of 10, 10, 10.

Note also that a young man showing interest in anything more than a quick lay is seen as a big DLV by young women - even an otherwise "alpha" or attractive guy will get nexted if he wants to take the relationship to another level, so to speak. But I'm sure churchians will be able to rationalize that it's all the fault of the young men somehow.

Just like in all the old movies. It's always the woman wanting badly to marry the man, who has his mind on his mission, whatever it is.

Right, old movies. It's not that way anymore, at least not where I live, or where the women writing these articles live.

Sure, Chloe might suddenly become marriage-minded if a hot doctor who speaks fluent Italian and owns a ski resort comes along. But 6's being willing to marry 10's doesn't say anything about the general case. In general, between people of similar MMV, there's been a big shift toward women putting off marriage, at least pre-Wall. They're constantly in "relationships" -- they'll have sex on the first date and start de facto shacking up in weeks -- but marriage is off the table. That's the driving factor of all these articles that sort of fret about it while doubling-down on how great it is.

I'm not saying men have become more marriage-oriented. Men have the same attitude they always did: "I'll get married if she doesn't annoy me yet and if that's what it takes to get (or keep getting) the sex, but otherwise I'm in no hurry." Men used to get married when their girlfriends pushed for it. Now they don't.

The difference is, if you were a marriage-oriented man 30+ years ago, odds were you'd be married pretty soon, because most women were too. If you were an average catch and didn't actually avoid marriage, it'd happen to you. It happened to me -- with a terrible woman, but it happened. Now that most women are delaying marriage, it doesn't work that way. Now the marriage-oriented man actually has to go looking for marriage-willing girls, which upsets the natural way of things. When the man is the one pushing for commitment first, it lowers his value in the woman's eyes and makes it that much harder for him to find a good match.

Her fear is of the wrong guy getting serious. I don't think it has as much to do with marriage.

Right, but "too serious" ultimately means marriage. She's not worried that a guy will want a one-year commitment. She's worried that he's going to decide he wants to keep her forever and show up with a ring one day. She wants to keep her options open, because even though she likes her current guy enough to sleep with him and maybe even live with him for a few years and become a "couple," she's still hoping Mr. 10 might come along and sweep her up, even though she was an 8 in her prime and is now a 7 quickly aging to 5.

So she has to stay "free," and as long as they don't marry, she's officially free to break it off anytime. It may be unpleasant, dividing up the furniture and telling the family Jim won't be coming to Christmas anymore, but she won't be a failure. Keep in mind that single women think they'll never divorce, that divorcees are losers who married too soon to losers -- that's one of their excuses for putting off marriage. So even in the age of easy, no-fault divorce, they see marriage as a big, official ceding of that freedom that's become so important to them.

And for many 24-year-old girls today, the "wrong guy" is any guy who's realistically likely to be interested in them.

Right, old movies. It's not that way anymore, at least not where I live, or where the women writing these articles live.

But old movies were much, much truer to men's and women's natures than behavior nowadays. That's the point I'm trying to make: it's natural for women to try to extract commitment from a man. Heartiste has repeatedly said that sex for men is like commitment for women. A woman who gives a man sex too easily is the equivalent of a man who gives a woman commitment too easily -- in both cases, it's a serious DLV, especially when it comes to marriage.

And women constantly getting into "relationships" that go nowhere is the classic example. The woman gives the man sex easily, then the man gives the woman his commitment easily, becoming her boyfriend. But they have unwittingly made themselves worthless in each other's eyes as marriage partners, and so the "relationship" collapses in a year or two.

When it does lead to marriage, it's typically because the woman was refusing to put out while making it clear to the man that she was otherwise wife material (and/or she's hot, which reduces the need for coyness), and the man had enough Game to refuse to call himself her "boyfriend" (and/or he's tall / rich / a prettyboy / successful, which reduces the need for Game).

Or else they're low-value and realize that neither can possibly do any better, which would include women who are heading for a crash into the Wall and who know it.

I'm thinking she's fat. Women not wanting commitment? Yeah, sure. If you drop an engagement ring six women will have a death match to get it. Why would women fear commitment? Free room and board and a balloon payment and residuals for the rest of their lives when they get bored. Yeah, they must be terrified. The only commitment these bitches are afraid of is the loony bin.

Choice addiction. If a woman is even moderately good looking, during her late teens and early twenties, she has a huge natural SMV advantage over her same-age male cohorts, whom we see fit to cloister her with in high school and college. So she's used to picking and choosing among admirers, and if nobody hammers home the truth of The Wall to her, she will assume she can keep doing that indefinitely.

Game stresses guys developing the mindset of abundance - there are lots of girls on the girl tree. Young women come by that mindset naturally.

Women don't fear commitment. Its the assumed opportunity cost. When young, she had many choices. As she gets older, she might commit to the best man she can catch. However, once committed, she wonders if she settled. Could she extract a better deal? That's when she might make the mistake of divorcing. She is unlikely to marry again. Thats the stats.

The analogy I've used is that a 24-year-old woman is like a shopper in an enormous Man store. Everywhere she looks, there are men on the shelves, with different features and prices. There are stacks of men in the aisles with signs shouting out special offers. There are kiosks offering bite-sized samples of different varieties of men. And off in the distance, she knows there are entire aisles of men she hasn't even seen yet.

Now way is she going to grab the first appealing one she sees and head for the door. She'll gladly sample some from the kiosks as she shops. She might put a particularly attractive one in her cart and push it around for a while as she continues shopping, and swap him for a better one a time or two as she goes. She might ask a salesman to put a couple of nice models on hold for her in case she doesn't find anything better and wants to come back for them.

But if a salesman comes up and tries to get her to sign on the bottom line for a particular model, she's going to run the other way. Maybe she doesn't "fear" commitment, but the result is the same as if she did.