14 years old crazy vs sane? zoloft and vyvanse?

im 14 years old. i have been self harming scince the 6th grade so for about 3 years. it was really bad last year. now i only do it once in a while. im on zoloft and vyvanse(adhd) and i cant help feeling like im insane. I'm a smart kid, and my therapist says that i'm "very aware of my problems and i seem very grounded" but i dont FEEL that way. my mom has alot of mental problems (depression, anger issues) and she ran away from home when she was about my age, and theres all kinds of secrets about her that i dont know about. She used to be very abusive to me, mentally, and physically. She told me she was going to stab my dog when i was 12, she dropped me off at the police station sayign she didnt want me anymore because i told her she was crazy, only to immediately yell at me to get back in the car. She told me i was a loser, and she told me i had social phobia, she put me in a group therapy thing with an 18 year old kid (i was 12) who had been put into a sanitarium for saying he was going to kill his teacher... theres alot more things like that shes dont to me. my dad is pretty normal, except for when he gets violent. he used to throw me against walls... and hed hit my mom... i feel like im insane, but then dont crazy peopel not know theyre crazy? and then i think "well maybe i just want attentin" and everything conflicts and confuses me... my mom lives under the illusion that ive gotten over my problems and me and her are somehow alright. and i act like i am... but i dont think its real. i go to therapy but i only really end up going once every few months so it really isnt hepful. about 5 months ago, i had a few weeks where i completley went off the deepend, i made plans to jump off the bridge by my house,i was cutting really bad. the only way to ge through my day was thinking "okay, today when i get home im going to do it, and it will be done." i called 1800suicide and hung up. i had every intention of doing it but never did. i still havent told my parents that i attempted suicide. they have no idea. i have trouble sleeping... am i just a spoiled brat whos convinced shes crazy? Do i really have a problem? please tell me what i sound like, i really need help right now... just talk to me...

Meditation is a good suggestion. You take some time for yourself... quiet time, gives you time to reflect on your day, and where you are headed in life.

You are not alone. A girl that I have known since she was 2 comes to my house every night just to eat. Let me give you her background. She came from a broken family, just before 4th grade he dad sent the kids and her mother to Beruit Lebanon "to save money". Except her father had a girlfriend, and while they were in Lebanon daddy sold the USA house. "Forged her mother's name" He forged her mother's name on the divorce papers. This little girl started with an eating disorder, during her 5th grade. She wanted love from daddy.Daddy wanted a skinny girl. As time went on, bombs would hit near her home. She studied by candle as her power plant had been bombed less than 3 miles away, but daddy did not want her.

Mom was a sheltered woman and did not have a clue what was happening, This girl got so skinny that 90 lbs was fat according to her in high school. Mentally she lost it. She ran away. But where do you go during war? Daddy was here in the states with all kinds of girls and safe at that.Mommy had no money to raise 2 kids.This girl finally came back to the states without her mom. War all around her school, her safe zone. She had to leave the country being smuggled into Syria to get a flight out. Leaving behind her brother, her mother and aunt, and not able to say goodbye. She thought she was going mad. Screaming and yelling. She kept saying. she was going to kill herself. Now she is 20 and does not have food for her table, comes to my house just to eat. She lives on $15.00 after all her major bills are paid.She works full time and goes to school, when she can get aid. No time for herself. But she is making it.She wants to be a Doctor.

What I am trying to say, is you too will make it. This ADHD, is a questionable thing in you. You seem bright and just had problems, simular to this little girl. You can make it, Zoloft just might be tempoary to get you through this time. I have faith in you and your future.

The little girl I mentioned, said today she is going to make it no matter what. This is her life.

I see this in your future, remember this is your life. You are only hurting yourself, rise above the problems. Grasp on to your education and do what you know is right and we here on this board are here for you.

Take care

Be Strong, as it is said only the strong will survive !!!

I want to thank you for reaching out for help, you make me realize that even with the worst situations you can make it.

Sweetheart, You are not crazy. When you are going through puberty, it is normal for alot of kooky ideas to race through your head. It truly sounds like you have parents who need to both be in counseling for themselves and not just sending you. I don't want to seem like I am attacking your parents, but, just from what you said in your note, they have anger management issues and your mom sounds like she could be bi polar. You sound very intelligent and you are asking for help. Sometimes just someone listening is enough and sometimes it's not. You are not the one with the major problems in your home, but, if you went to counseling more like once a week, I think that would really help. Don't harm yourself, please. You don't sound spoiled at all, You sound like someone who is going through alot of changes and getting overwhelmed and are being sent very conflicting messages from the very people who should be taking care of you.

Find someone around you that you can really trust, a teacher, another person who is kin to you, the school counselor, and let them know what is going on with your parents and maybe they can get you somewhere safe and healthy. Just the hormone changes in your body at this time in your life will make you think some dark thoughts, don't give into them. Then when you add parents who seem overwhelmed and have anger issues, that makes everything much worse. Do you have an aunt, grandparent, GodParent, or older cousin you could stay with? Please ask your counselor to help get you somewhere safe and healthy. Maybe if that happened, your parents could get themselves mentally healthier and make a better home for you. I do know how you feel and I probably would have been taken away from my parents and put somewhere safe if things had been different back in the day.My dad died when I was very small and my mom remarried and then became a violent alcoholic and I had a vicious step father. No one listened to us when we tried to get help. The state didn't help much back in the day. Please show your counselor this letter that you wrote and don't be afraid to tell them the truth. I will be Praying for you and I know you are going to do the right thing. We are here for you. Let us know how you are doing soon.

thanks, I'm glad I'm not totally crazy. Right now, my home-issues are okay. I was talking about things in the past. The problem right now is just me, like inside my head. Not really an enviornmental problem anymore, the violence has quieted but its left me confused by parents who act like nothing ever happened. Its like there was an earthquake and everything around you is in ruins and all the people around you are just walking around as if everything is normal, and nothing has changed. When you talk about it they just give you a wide-eyed stare and ask whats wrong? what are you talking about? I really have no reason to be sad right now, I just am. And i cant get over it...

IN

Inactive25 Sep 2009

Most parents are scared too. They don't know how to fix the problem and are scared they will make it worse. I am glad you are safe. Read some books or articles on the changes during puberty and it will explain that hormone changes cause some odd thoughts. Once you are through puberty, you probably won't have those thoughts again until menopause and maybe not then. You are becoming a real person and not just an extension of your parents. you are developing your own ideas, likes and dislikes and in school with people doing the same thing. Teens can be abusive to other teens and that doesn't help. Try to get a hobby or do some type of art, music or poetry will give you an outlet for all of the dark thoughts. You definitely are NOT crazy. You're growing up and everything around you is changing and so are you. thanks for letting me hear back from you. I favorited this question and I will check back later. i have to go back to work. Try to have a nice weekend, i'll talk to you later. Patti

well, thanks. But my problem is NOT puberty. I wouldnt be on antidepressants if it was. Gosh sorry I sound like a bitch. Anyways, thanks for your answers and stuff.

IN

Inactive25 Sep 2009

Most people are on antidepressents right now. These are very scary times for most people. When i was young, there was a huge stigma attached to therapy, anti depressant meds, admitting you had any problems and poverty. I have watched and seen how people's attitudes changed to be more accepting of all these things. Most people see either black or white and there are alot of things in gray areas and you have to accept gray areas. What I mean by that is, say stealing it wrong, but you have a hungry child and you steal a loaf of bread off a rack where the store was going to throw that away, just to feed your child because you can't get food stamps. The store can prosecute, but, sometimes they see the light and don't. There are alot of problems in todays world and hopefully everyone will try to put themselves in the other person's shoes and try to work together to solve the problems.

I know you feel somewhat estranged from your parents and you think that it should be better than it is, and it will be. It is kinda natural for you to feel different from them right now. In 5 years, you will feel different. Pick just 1 hour a week to try and do things with your mom, instead of 24/7. Do somethings to make you feel better. You are feeling so bad about things and you have to do something for yourself to distract you from being so overwhelmed. That is why I say get a hobby, start a journal, take up music or poetry, or acting. Channel that emotion into something that will help and bring you up a little bit. You sound like you are feeling a little bit better and I hope you are. I just started walking for excercise and pleasure because I tend to be depressed and anxious and I read that is helps the feel good chemicals in your brain to spikeup. It was hard to do at first because it is very hot where I live, i knew it would make my muscles sore, it seemed like it would be work and be boring, and I had to make myself do it. I just got high blood pressure and it is scaring me. Walking is supposed to help lower it. It is starting to make me feel better all the way around. I hope you can find something that you like that will help your spirit lift. You seem to write well, , maybe just writing in a journal will help. I am going to go walk now, but, I promise I will check back on you. It may be tomorrow afternoon, but, I will. Talk to you soon, Patti

i actually do write, play guitar, draw and paint. I want to be a writer eventually... but uh, yeah this morning i felt so down, and i just came back from this party and i felt like i was high. I know, duh, i went to a party so i feel happy, but its kindof like the "on top of the world, I wanna go freak out" bipolar-type feeling... i thought i was bipolar before now, but i guess i convinced myself i wasnt. Now i just feel super weird, i want to stick with the high-feeling but i cant help it when i come back and see evrythign and remember how down i was earlier.

IN

Inactive26 Sep 2009

Good, I am gladyou have some artist in you. You do know that the same area of the brain that fires for creativity, fires for depression. It is just an overactive part for people who are artist.I am a hairdresser and I can be kinda depressed, but, I hate being depressed, so I go to group. It helps me alot. I walked yesterday but I had to make myself. They told us in groups about excercise and how it can make the brain release the feel good chemicals and it is working in me so far. I have to go into work earlier than usual because one of my co workers will be out for 7 weeks next week and I have to do some of her older lady clients. I am really sleepy right now. I am glad you went to a party. See, that shows you're trying.

Yeah, I want to always be up and not down, but, i tend to just be down unless I make myself do things that will help me stay up. Right now, I am having alot of financial difficulty and the more down I am about it, the worse it gets. I have to fake it some to turn the situation around. I also have to try and reach out and get more friends, It helps alot, although I am forcing it. I just am not running into anyone who is very happy right now.