YOUR FUCKING FABULOUS-ASS FRIENDS: Shit, your friends are cool. They're all adventure travel, well-paying jobs, know the DJ/been the DJ, great-sex-with-attractive-strangers cool. And you love them, really, you do. They're fun and like to drink and knowing them means you have the most exciting life a lazy, social-phobic person such as yourself should ever be allowed to have. Problem is, around them you start playing a hipster version of "keeping up with the Joneses." Their easy wit and impossibly styled hair will prompt you to spend your rent money on lost weekends in Spain, your grocery money on authentic old-school Pumas and your "really important operation" money on a picture phone with which to document their fabulous asses. On the plus side, should you have to move back in with your parents, they'll supply you with all the sympathy drugs you'll need to kill the pain of living on the wrong side of the river. B- -- Carissa B.