I go back to the studio for the first time in several months today. I am nervous, like seeing a former lover after a long time. Do I look ok? What will I say first? I want to be confident. The difference is, I make my loves by hand, and they are what I want them to be, how I want them to look. They are not ideal, and neither should you be.

ALL trips to the store are fear of the intensity of what I am working on. Classic behaviors. This was not meant to be an interrogation of myself and avoidance techniques, fears of commitment, but alas. Facing one is facing all.

Poke holes in clay and fill with water- 8 bags, then shelve; begin opening boxes and finding supplies and shelving; inflate wheels on cart; replace bulbs; locate working outlets and determine how many orange cords i need; bring 1-2-3 primer and respirator; paint part of the floor in kiln room; bring rolling caster cart for small kiln; make a head;

In order to feel whole, I have to locate all the parts and make, remake, make and remake. they don't need to be a single piece, but the act of meditation brings fragments of ideas together. showing relationships between ideas simply by placing them in proximity on a shelf is the payoff. that delicate broken innards can be translated by hand to crude mud and then transformed by fire into something that is seen as an object on it's own makes me think that this act of translation is more closely related to design than art. Purpose: making the unsexy parts unintelligible invisible and encoded in something so that the subjects aren't taken into the mouths of others freely.

Today i will remake an object, formerly known as an object of my affection, of my love, that i loved. As usual. I’m so excited and happy…