Because it’s been a while since I posted anything writing-related … hell, it’s been a while since I posted anything, period. This is a nicely snarky perspective on the thorny relationship between PR and the media. My favourite is the press conference with no questions …

During media training sessions, I share examples of easy ways to completely piss off a reporter — not as a tutorial — but as a cheeky way to say DO NOT do these things ever if you want to maintain any kind of healthy relationship with media.

Below you will find the ones that bothered me when I worked as a journalist. There are definitely others so feel free to share in the comments section below. I had some help from some friends and former colleagues. So, please do add to the discussion.

Do any of these things, and you’re in for a world of fun. Trust me.

1. Tell a reporter how to do their job – They love that. Criticize the subjective tone or focus of a story while you’re at it. Bonus points if you can do this while never mentioning that the story was technically 100% accurate.

Somehow I forgot that I was going to regale y’all* with a synopsis of the latest PWAC take-your-writing-on-a-completely-different-tangent seminar. Last month’s edition focused on public relations writing…. a.k.a. Welcome to the Dark Side.

If you come from a journalistic background, resisting the Dark Side is ingrained. See, while journalism attempts to present all sides of an issue or story without bias, public relations writing is all about putting the most advantageous spin on something. In other words, anathema to dyed-in-the-wool journos …

But here’s the rub: the public relations writers of this world are currently making a far more reliable living than those of us who cling irrationally to our principles. Which has prompted more than a few to examine their, um, moral flexibility.

Truth be told, the two worlds need not be mutually exclusive. If one can compartmentalize a bit, one can easily crank out magazine articles in journalistic style, and public relations copy as … okay, a well-paid flak. Different hats, different jobs.

So you burn for all eternity in the ninth circle of hell…. that was probably gonna happen anyway.

And the stupid thing is, in the eyes of Bay Street traders and waste management technicians and day-care workers and teenage lifeguards and producers of reality TV …. public relations pros get a whole lot more respect than the journos do.

From Edmiston: “The future is bright for those who want to embrace change. PR writing is moving towards digital media and tablet apps, and away from physical products. And social media is the ultimate game-changer, encouraging companies now to be completely transparent.

“PR writing is about enhancing and/or protecting a company’s image, and often includes crisis management. A PR person’s skills can make or break an organization in a crisis situation.”

Edmiston said she hates the term “spin”, because PR writers (at least the good ones) function by a code of ethics, just as do journalists.

One good thing about PR writing? The “content beast”, as Edmiston called it, needs constant feeding. In all sorts of formats, from white papers to 140 character tweets. “I don’t see that diminishing,” she emphasized. “When you create a community through social media, you then have to keep that community informed, and that content can’t be generated by machine. It requires good writers.”

As for finding opportunities? “Look at corporate websites and discern their needs. Then figure out how you can fill them.”

She added, “You have to take the objectivity hat off and grasp the company message. It’s not very different from altering your journalistic style to suit different magazine markets.”

Tremblay identified 14 trends for freelancers. And you KNOW how I love a list.

Based on research from the Communications Executive Council (an organization I didn’t know existed, which represents several hundred international corporations):

1. Budgets are recovering.

2. Budgets have grown in 2012 vs. 2011.

3. The increase, if you will, is increasing.

4. Communicators (of the PR variety, presumably) are feeling optimistic about the future. (Um, less so in Europe, where things are still pretty grim, career-wise. See, it could be worse, I could live in Greece.)

5. In a business-to-business setting, corporations tend to have 1.2 communications staff people per 1000 employees. In B2C (business-to-consumer) settings, it’s 3.8 communications staff per 1000 employees. Larger revenue companies tend to have larger communications departments. Hence, the best opportunities are in large, B2C companies. Start-ups generally don’t have the budget to hire writers (nor understand their usefulness, though maybe that’s me, editorializing).

6. 25% of money spent on communications is devoted to freelancers, 25% for materials and commercial vehicles (like videos, newsletters, and so forth), and 50% of the budget tends to be spent on in-house staff. That’s a fair bit of freelance opportunity.

7. Vendor budgets are expected to increase in 2013, with an average expected increase of 12%.

8. Responsibilities for communications professionals over the past five years have shifted dramatically towards social media. SM can account for up to 80% of a communications pro’s time and energy in 2012, vs. 0% in 2007. The #2 priority? Analytics (measuring and monitoring the impact of those SM efforts).

10. There’s an increasing focus on corporate social responsibility, as opposed to companies just making charitable donations to worthy causes. “Giving for a reason” is the emphasis that needs to be played up.

11. Companies are devoting more and more of their communications budgets to social media and analytics.

12. It pays to know what the shifting priorities might be in the industry you’re targeting. For example, in the health/pharma field, Tremblay said community relations is the #1 priority.

13. There’s an increased emphasis on employee engagement — ie. getting your staff to “live the brand”. And some of the advice on how to do that, is best delivered by an outside contractor. IOW, a freelancer.

14. Improved partnerships are a priority for almost all businesses. Again, this is a result of social media: interactions with clients/customers are now two-way instead of one-way.

Now here’s the kicker: according to Tremblay, PR agencies can charge anywhere from about $100 an hour, at the lower levels, up to $360 an hour for a consultation from an agency CEO. Gulp. “That’s a huge opportunity for freelancers, because many companies would rather go with a freelancer than a big agency with big overhead. You can charge what the market will bear.”

Crossman broke down PR writing into four sectors: internal communications, consumer communications, government communications, and crisis control. And she offered five important lessons for would-be PR peeps. (Be still my heart, another list!)

1. Not every client is a good fit, and that’s okay. It’s good to play to your strengths. But sometimes you have to get outside your comfort zone and take a chance.

2. Be the best version of yourself for every job, every time. Preserve, protect, and enhance your reputation.

3. PR writing is not journalism. There are certain conventions you need to understand, so get some training or find a mentor. That said, journalists are often well-suited to doing PR writing, because they know what makes a story. The trick is to understand which facts you emphasize in a PR piece.

4. Acquiring your first clients is about marketing yourself. Network, network, network. Be prepared for any conversation, any time — you never know where work might come from.

And most importantly, don’t forget to ask for the business. Every time someone connects with you, whether it be through LinkedIn, Twitter, or a Fetish Night party, thank him or her, and mention that if he or she ever needs a writer you’d be glad to help.

“There’s plenty of business out there,” Crossman said. She suggested that $80 an hour is an average freelance rate for PR writing. “Break it down for the client so they see real value for money, and place parameters on things like revisions to protect yourself. Send out a confirmation note or contract, and make sure the client has communicated what they want.”