OVERCOMING LOW SELF ESTEEM AND DEPRESSION

I finally gave her what she deserved for all that torment she put me through.

Oh, so now you’re the psychology expert, telling me to let it go; telling me that it’s over and that I should forgive and forget? I tried to forgive and let it go, but the more I walked away from her, the more she kept coming back to harass me.

When I was 9 years old, she got me into trouble with my tyrannical maths teacher, whom I despised not only for the horrible perfume that she used to drench herself in but also for her love of embarrassing me in front of the whole class.

When I asked this girl for help, she baited me with her fake smile and promise that she would help me through fractions and word sums that I couldn’t understand. She conveniently hid from me that I was a creative, meaning that maths would be a mountain that I would have to climb.

Just when I needed her to come through for me when the monster teacher blasted a question at me in front of the whole class knowing that I would fail to answer it, she told me that I was stupid and proceeded to block every ounce of numerical knowledge from my head.

Or how about the time she hid from me that Marcus was a slow poison that would eat me alive? She let me fall so in love with someone who didn’t care about me except to fulfill his own needs. She told me that I was ugly, and that I should enjoy the little attention that Marcus was throwing in my direction because no one would take interest in a girl who is as thin as a matchstick, with a face riddled with puss-emitting pimples and oily hair that looks like it hadn’t been washed since the turn of the century.

She told me that I was lower than the speck of dust in importance among my group of friends, and led me believe that they were right in calling me ‘nutcracker face’ and playing a practical joke where they pulled my school dress up for everyone to see my underwear.

They thought that was funny. I don’t know why.

She told me to stick with them because I wouldn’t find any better friends. She lied to me and told me that I was a boring person anyway, and no one would be interested in me. She threatened me by saying that I would be lonely for the rest of my life; that I would voluntarily throw myself into solitary confinement if I wasn’t grateful for the dirty bone that was being thrown my way.

She was meant to be my confidant, but instead she set me up. She was the snake that I was meant to trample all along.

And now I’m getting even.

Look at her, gathering all her cronies. They’re circling me like predators ambushing their prey, snarling at me while flashing their sharp-edged canine teeth. She couldn’t even confront me by herself- such a coward.

I’m staring her dead in the eyes, allowing my rage to take over.

Now I’m charging at her, like a bull infuriated by the red cape.

Everything around me is hazy. All I can hear is a blurred sound of screaming and snarling, and dust is blowing in from all sides.

As I approach her, running in what seems like a time lapse, I see fear in her eyes. She becomes like a frightened cub, unable to move as if her feet were glued to ground.

As I was close in on her, ready to viciously strike out, with a thundering noise surrounding me, I woke up.

I woke up to find that I was striking out at the voice inside my head.

LadyLebz is a South Africa-based lifestyle and literature website that focuses on the topics of dating, love and relationships, parenting, fashion and beauty, current lifestyle news, music and fictional short stories.