Blue Bird of Happiness.

We drive. Friday night, after taking in the new Batman movie, we hopped in the car late at night and drove home to RI. (Late-night driving means less sleep but also means less traffic, and we'll take the latter, thanks.) Saturday morning had me at the beach with a few of my college roommates, then dinner out with family on Saturday night, then breakfast with Batman (my friend, not Christian Bale), then a cookout at my mother's house on Sunday afternoon.

It sounds like a lot of driving because it IS a lot. Chris and I try to connect with as many of our friends and family as possible when we come home on the weekends because we don't have the opportunity to see them for several weeks on end. Connecticut, though filled with career opportunities for us both, doesn't have much in the way of family. And lately, family and friends are something I've been missing tremendously.

I've hit a very rough patch, diabetes-management wise. My A1c came back the highest it's been in five and a half years, and I didn't take the increase with any grace at all. Even though I can attribute the rise to wedding chaos and honeymoon laziness, I still felt so disappointed. In addition to an elevated A1c, I've also been diagnosed with a disorder called Factor V Leiden, which can cause blood clots and has forced me to change some of my routine (read: birth control pills are now a no-no). Despite the fact that this disorder is unlikely to cause problems, it's still a new blip on my health radar and contributed to my feeling of "eh" last week. I was feeling overwhelmed with health concerns, frustrated with insurance issues for the Dexcom, and pretty damn grumpy. Crumbs Morrone ... er, Sparling. Crumbs Sparling.

I needed some time with friends and family this weekend, to help take the edge off a roughish week. And it worked. Yesterday afternoon, I was hanging out in my mother's yard, taking pictures of her garden. My mom is very whimsical and a little silly, and her yard is crammed with flowers and these strange little garden critters that she finds from the Christmas Tree Shop: small ceramic ducks, little turtles, and garden gnomes. It sounds like her lawn is littered with trash, but these creatures aren't just flung about haphazardly. They're carefully placed, hidden between hydrangea bushes and underneath rhododendrons. You have to look for them to find them.

I came across a big, fat, ceramic bluebird yesterday. It was in her front lawn and guarding an azalea bush.

"Bluebird of happiness!" My mother came by, checking out what I was photographing.

"I see that."

"Well? Doesn't it make you happy?"

I thought for a minute. I felt revitalized after being socially reconnected with my friend and family. I felt ready to make the medical changes necessary to accommodate the new condition and to take change of my diabetes management once more. I felt loved. Supported. Happy.

I like the way your mom thinks. Thanks for sharing that little blue bird w/us. Sorry about the A1c and other disappointments; I think it's okay to relax the control now and then to have the energy to keep things tighter the rest of the time. Still I know it's frustrating. Glad you could find a way to see the positive.

When I was 17 and particularly down, my mom brought me something hidden in her hand - a little ceramic turtle. She introduced him as "Happy, first name Get." For over ten years, on bad days, he's found his way into my pocket. The rest of the time, he lives in the rocks beneath my husband's little bonsai tree. It's amazing what a little reminder or talisman can do to remind you of all that's right - friends, a loving parent, hope, control, whatever. Now you have a photo of your fat little bird to make you smile as you work toward your next A1C.

Oh how it sucks when you get a Diabetes Smack-Down. But, if I may be so bold, I feel like I've learned a few things about you from reading your blog. You are strong. You are smart. And above all else, you are determined. I honestly think this is a temporary set-back, and you will be back in charge again in no time flat. I know it's true - a little birdie told me so. (Yup, he was blue!)

Bummer about the A1C, I am avoiding the endo like the plague because I am afraid of my A1C.
The Factor V... I know a couple people with this. At least you know you have it and later if and/or when you and Chris want kids you wouldn't find out then. You would be MUCH worse off. Take it in stride Kerri!

You are a smart lady!!!

The bluebird even makes my grouchy day better!! How can you not smile when you see it? I am glad you saw friends over the weekend to help turn your frown upside down.

Kerri-I can relate to the feelings that come with a higher A1c. None of them are comforting. The good news is that we DO have them and that shows that we care about taking care of ourselves. I've been T1 since 1974 at the age of 14. I do all the things we know we should to make this work. I won't make the list; you know it all too well. But about once, maybe twice a year I have what I call a "diabetes meltdown" where it all just seems so overwhelming and consuming and no matter what I do the numbers (and little else) seem to go right. It is at those times that I pray and say "God, I just can't do this forever....everyday for the rest of my life!" Somehow the answer is always the same...."Don't do it forever, just do it for today...this one day." I sit back and think, "I can do this for THIS day." I think of what little things I can do THIS day to make it work, make it better. This mindset has helped me through some tough times. Hang in there. You'll turn this around, you'll kick it to the curb and you'll make the changes you need to make to get back on top of the diabetes mountain. See you at the top!!

Kerri - sorry to hear about the D kicking you in the butt. You HAVE had a lot on your plate in the past months - don't put too much pressure on yourself, you do the best you can and that's the best you can do :-) I'm sorry you've had a bummed out week - here's hoping the next week is better ....

And, Brenda's comment almost had me in tears. I HAVE to write that down and remember it to tell my daughter for when she grows up and is taking care of herself. If she ever feels overwhelmed with this disease (as I have and I don't even have it - I just care for her and that's stressful enough) I want to remember to just do it for "This Day" .... maybe that will help her ... Thanks Brenda! :-)

I know that YOU are disappointed in your A1C - but I bet that there are a lot of people out there who are saying, hey, even ZIPPY Kerri gets lazy now and then - so stop hating on yourself Art and get your butt in gear.

And as someone else alluded to earlier, Factor V can be an issue when trying to conceive/can cause miscarriage. There's a fairly simple treatment for it, but when you get to that point it's definitely something to discuss with your OBGYN.