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And I feel totally swell about all that. It's like I just hoisted myself out of a pool of repetitive bull-shit that I've been swimming in for years.

But there are little grey areas that are coming back to haunt me... Afternoons of indecisiveness... Like I'm indulging in senseless communication with myself and other people just because I don't know what else to do, and it leaves me with a sort of empty feeling in my stomach.Insincerity always seems to be lurking around the corner. There's nothing I hate more than the feeling that I'm not "coming at this" from the right angle. Sometimes it's like I'm being swept away by the humid fog of unoriginality.

Yet another analogy: It's like my brain has pulled over for a pit-stop in a really hot, boring part of town that I've visited one too many times.

But I DO know what else to do, I'm just being lazy. Guess this restructuring process is still on-going.

Oh well, I'll be coming back up onto another wave shortly.The progress I've seen of myself thusfar has been unprecedented.

day 14: no my brain loves me for this decision. I've been jonesing a few times but this is the right thing to do.

Reading your posts makes me want to smoke all of this hash I have and not smoke again for weeks. I feel I have needed sobriety. Tolerances have shown me that this game is pointless, and not worth all the money I've spent.\

I'm not sure I quite understand, but it sounds like old habits die hard. I've been having that kind of thing as I've been pulling myself out of my fear of finding a career, I tend to go back to a routine I'm comfortable with. Then as time goes on, I work at it some more and the cycle continues. It's like progress is being made, very slowly, but it's still being made, which is the most important thing.

Does that sound like what you're feeling? I think you're making the right decisions and headed in the right direction.

--------------------The very nature of experience is ineffable; it transcends cognitive thought and intellectualized analysis. To be without experience is to be without an emotional knowledge of what the experience translates into. The desire for the understanding of what life is made of is the motivation that drives us all. Without it, in fear of the experiences what life can hold is among the greatest contradictions; to live in fear of death while not being alive.

Several months ago I was using AMT heavily. However, a couple of months later I ran out because it had become illegal and the trustworthy chemical suppliers could no longer make it.

Need less to say, I've been sober since then. Over the months since then I have been able to decipher parts of my trips...and I am still doing so.

What I am trying to say, basicly, is that your time off will allow you to reflect on your past trips and discover some of the hidden symbols that were presented to you. So, it's a good idea.

I've had time to enough time to reflect, so I think it's time for me to start using psychedelics again...heavy doses in fact. Lol, that is if I can get my hands on any! It's dead around my part of the country. However, my mushroom spore "research" is starting to come along.

I've found that psychedelics are sort of an exhaustive experience. Once you gain a certain familiarity with them and/or you've brought your mind (with the help of the psychedelics) to an asymptotic threshold of consciousness, there really isn't an urgent need to take them anymore (at least, that's what I've found). -from here

My drug use is definitely up and down. It's an asymmetric cycle of use an abstinence... not "binge and purge" as I never get fiendy. Hell, I'm bored with smoking pot and it's been over a year since I last toked (and not because it is unavailable).

Quote:But I DO know what else to do, I'm just being lazy. Guess this restructuring process is still on-going.

No, i think this restructuring process is done. It just needs to develop a nice 'callus' to deal with the weather around here(so to speak.) Sometimes feelings should just be ignored and should'nt be confused with the self. Emotions just tell us about how we feel for the moment and are not always representations of the world or accurate representations of ourselves. I fall into this trap all the time. Especailly with negative feelings. But, I've come to understand that emotions behave just like drugs(for instance: when you smoke The-Pot, you're giving it permission to play out its effect on you. When a thought enters your head or when you're in the presence of someone you know, they ellicit emotions that play themselves out just like The-Pot does when you smoke it.)

Quote:

Day 14: No potMy brain loves me for this decision. I've been jonesing a few times but this is the right thing to do.

I can't speak personally for this, but i do know that when my friend try to stop The Pot. They become bored with everything and they become more sucseptible to deppressions. I'd stay away from pot forever if i were you. If temptation REALLY hits hard, then i'd promise my self to AT LEAST quit for 3 or 4 months minimum.

poke smot!, be careful you are still in the mushrooms afterglow I was skeptical of myself for a couple days after the trip because I know how that works, but 2 weeks and I'm very determined to keep going.

David_Scape, I have had a few moments of boredom like "shit, this is why I smoked before, because I need some mysticism in this boring fucking environment!" but then I thought about that and realized it was just me wanting to get high.. It had nothing to do with boredom at all.

I've been discovering all sorts of 'artifacts' of life since I stopped... to me, continued drug use is just another comfort zone... they pacify, not teach. Which is fine, i guess, if you are where you want to be in life, but I for one have ALOT of shit I need to accomplish before I get comfortable anywheres.