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Monday, 16 December 2013

CCP Introduces Balancing on the Fly

A recent influx of complaints involving the usage of drone assist doctrines in large-scale nullsec wars has spurred CCP to introduce a brand new feature allowing them to actively balance modules and ships on a live server.

Using advanced real-time analysis of the game logs, which are known for their accuracy and completeness, a developer can now manipulate active vessels and modules while they're in use. This was most recently demonstrated in system XD-JW7 as massed N3 "slowcats" were swatted out of the sky by nerf-bat-wielding developers.

CSM members were quick to praise CCP for their decisive action. "CCP Rise gave me a cookie and it was pretty good" said one member, while another was quoted as saying, "I'm glad that CCP was so quick to nerf what could have been a dangerously unbeatable fleet doctrine. Nobody ever in the history of Eve has been able to defeat sentry-wielding carriers through any means whatsoever, but now the menace has been brought back in line".

I managed to catch a N3 member as he was dropped off by the pod express in Jita 4-4, fresh from the heat of battle.

"It was awesome out there before the CCP nerfed us. We were blapping dreads, other carriers, hell, even a titan at one point out of the sky. Then, all of a sudden, our DPS withered to a mere trickle of damage, like when you're peeing but then you finish and there's just a few drops left."

With such brilliant insight into the N3 side of the battle, I sought out a member of the GSF to learn how the battle appeared to the victors.

"We had, like, 500 dreads waiting to cyno in when the battle escalated to a certain point, but that's irrelevant. I must've sent in something like 50 petitions during the course of the battle and CCP nerfed everything I complained about! It was awesome!"

The Mittani tweeted to the effect that the GSF's new "Petitionfleet" doctrine was his new strategy of choice. There was no word from CCP as to when this new doctrine would be nerfed. N3 members have given a collective sigh of 'grrr goons', and are expected to continue mumbling irrationally for several weeks.