Handicaps

Batya Feigenbaum can barely walk, but she sure can soar.

"They gassed me, so I didn't know what happened," Lani recalls the Shabbos morning when she went into labor. The doctor said the fetus was feet first, and she'd need an emergency Cesarean.

"When I woke up, I kept asking for more information, and they kept saying ‘soon, soon ...'"

The baby was sent to the ICU. Lani recalls seeing the newborn. "She was gorgeous. She was big. Only her head was moving."

Eventually, Lani was told that the baby's neck was positioned the wrong way at birth. "They yanked her out," she said. The doctor had pulled -- but not severed -- the spinal cord, leaving the infant a quadriplegic, completely paralyzed from the neck down, and unable to breath on her own. "Basically, it was the doctors' mistake," Lani recounts without the least hint of bitterness. Baby Batya was not expected to live through the night.

The doctor said to the father: "I don't even know what to tell you to pray for, at the very, very best she will be a vegetable for the rest of her life." The father replied, "You worry about doctoring, I'll worry about the praying."

With God's help, Batya lived through the night. After a few days, she was off the respirator and breathing on her own.

The infant underwent Feldenkrais, a method that accesses the nervous system's own innate processes to change and refine functioning. Baby Batya progressed to being a paraplegic, gaining the use of her upper body when she was about six months old.

Lani appreciated the smallest increments of progress -- even the duration that an object would stay in her daughter's tiny hand without falling out.

The parents were determined to keep Batya in therapy to keep her legs mobile; not with the hope that she would regain use of them, but to keep them agile so the muscles wouldn't atrophy. Also, in case any new therapy would be developed in the future, Batya would have a better chance. The bewildered infant would be propped up for long periods of time on a brace, just to keep the legs in a standing position.

Like Batya, her five older siblings were all born in Israel. When she was two-and-a-half, her father, Rabbi Yitzchak Feigenbaum, took a year off from teaching so the family could leave for Toronto in order to get a special brace fitted for her. It turned out the brace was totally useless.

When the year was almost over, the doctor in Toronto referred Batya to an experimental therapy called electrical stimulation. She was the second patient ever to try it.

The results were spectacular. Within six months, the three-year-old started crawling, and got some feeling in her legs.

Batya's earliest memory was of her mother crawling along with her.

The Feigenbaums decided to stay for another six months, and then another six. The father obtained dispensation from his rabbi in Israel to remain in Toronto indefinitely, as there seemed to be many new therapies emerging there.

"My parents brought me up to do everything; I never felt I couldn't do it."

Now, at 21, Batya wears braces from her waist down. In her bungalow home, there is no sign that a paraplegic lives there. There is no ramp, no special equipment. Batya manages -- at times precariously -- to negotiate the few steps using her crutches.

It's part of her parent's philosophy -- to get her to do as much as she can, and live and feel as normal as possible.

For short distances, Batya walks with crutches, otherwise she gets around in her scooter. She drives a mini-van with hand controls. Her vehicle is fitted with a mechanism to lift the scooter into the trunk. During Shabbos and Yom Tov, she uses a manual wheelchair.

Batya considers herself very independent. She showers and gets dressed without assistance. She went to camp during her teenage years, and she is a solid swimmer (having developed an exceptionally strong upper body), and she even traveled to Israel by herself. She is currently a teacher at Tiferes Bais Yaakov high school, of which her father is the founding Principal.

Batya attributes much of her determined attitude, self-confidence and positive outlook, to her parents. "My parents brought me up to be independent, and they never made me feel any different. I can't mop the floor, but I wash dishes, I cook, I clean. My parents brought me up to do everything; I never felt I couldn't do it."

"As a child," explains Lani, "[Batya] sometimes took advantage of her handicap." The Feigenbaums made a decision that they would do for her whatever they could; and that included disciplining and treating her like a normal person. Batya was punished when she needed to be punished, just like everyone else in the family.

Besides their deep-seated pragmatism, Rabbi and Mrs. Feigenbaum's unflinching faith seems to have rubbed off on their daughter as well: "I don't recall ever questioning God. Obviously God has a reason [for making me disabled]. My parents tell me that when I was in first and second grade, I did question, but they worked through the issues with me."

First grade was a particularly difficult year. "There was a bunch of girls, they used to get up and march around the teacher's desk when the teacher wasn't there, chanting: ‘Batya is contaminated, Batya is contaminated'. I was very, very hurt by it."

Since those early years, Batya's social life has been normal. She takes her physical limitations in stride. "I used to feel bad when people had to help me, but eventually I realized that by letting others do things for you, it's a form of giving."

People may observe Batya's ungraceful steps and conclude that her life is hard. They have only to shift their gaze for a moment from her crutches to her face to see how mistaken they are. Her radiant smile and serene demeanor testify that her life is not hard. She has a wonderful family, amazing friends, a great job, and everything else she needs.

The biggest compliment you can give me is to forget that I'm handicapped."

"Most of the time I forget that I'm handicapped... Even my friends forget. They say let's go here, and then they say, ‘Oh, right, I forgot, you can't go there.' The biggest compliment you can give me is to forget that I'm handicapped."

Where does this buoyant young woman see herself in five years? "Married. With kids, hopefully. Still teaching... I LOVE teaching. Also, I'd LOVE to be living in Eretz Yisrael."

And her thoughts on finding a shidduch? She thinks the biggest challenge is that when people see her, they don't really see her. They just see ‘handicapped'. "I view myself as normal, I just can't walk. It's a very big difference."

"Everyone has his or her challenge. I have something you can see; others have things you can't see... I'm really looking for someone that does not have a handicapped mentality."

Nor is Batya one to give up on her own challenge. "There's always hope [that I will walk]. I've come this far." Batya is pursuing hypnosis therapy, which operates on the principle that there are many pathways to the brain. One can rejuvenate the muscles if they can be connected to the brain through alternative pathways.

With a walker, she is now able to walk across the room without her braces on. She goes to a therapist twice a week; and has to practice a little every evening.

Our tradition teaches that each person is put in this world with his or her set of challenges, and it's up to us what we do with it. We, who may be physically intact, often do not see ourselves as capable, or we choose not to exert our best efforts. If so, who is really handicapped?

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 22

(22)
C.D.Urbach,
February 26, 2013 12:28 AM

Remember me?:)

As a former Torontonian, I add my testimony! The Feigenbaums are an INCREDIBLE family, and Batya makes a deep, positive impression on everyone. She is clearly unique, and the fellow who is zoche to marry her will have to be amazing--by default! All the best tp Basya and the Feigenbaum family.....

(21)
Anonymous,
February 5, 2007 3:37 AM

The Spinal Challenge is shared -personal information

Having had rickets as a child and then idiopathic double S curve scoliosis, later a fracture of T12 which is the vertebrae at the end of the spinal cord, plus other lumbar spine deformities & spinal fusions; there are options to consider. The Spinal Institute in St Paul Min. USA has the most advanced research to date. I use a Tens which is electrical stimulation of the nerve endings leading from the spinal cord. I also have had a lamenectomy on L4,5 & S1 and will require a further reduction on the S's. The most important thing is to keep the spine flexible and mobile with various exercises or contortions as I call them. De-rotation, bending forward, backward etc. I had to re-learn to walk more than once & have daily challenges. Batya can email me for further discussion.

(20)
Anonymous,
January 30, 2007 5:08 AM

Kol hakavod to Batya Feigenbaum. Fabulous story about an apparently fabulous woman and her parents.

Pittsburgh

(19)
Jen in Chicago,
January 26, 2007 4:25 PM

Incredible Souldier of Light!

Batya is such a wise soul and a brave woman! Thank you SO much Batya for sharing your story of your life, your struggles and your fantastic attitude, you are a truly inspiring lady and I pray for more people to adopt your courage and your view on life!!!

(18)
stef,
January 25, 2007 10:34 PM

constant inspiration

ms faigenbaum is the most amazing, inspiring person ever. i am so privileged that i can see her every day in class or i can just go chat with her in the office. i also love how wih ms feigenbaum, what may seem to be a very regular pasuk or an every day happening turns into an inspiring life lesson. she is my constant inspiration (DL, you hit right on target in your last sentence about her being living proof of hashem's existence)ms feigenbaum is the best!

(17)
Paul,
January 25, 2007 11:39 AM

inspiring

What a beautiful encouragement to all of us...Bless her parents and bless her ,for the inspiration. Thank You

(16)
Anonymous,
January 23, 2007 10:09 PM

kiddush hashem

what a kiddush hashem you have made Batya. You have more gifts than most. Being determined, positive and having emunat HaShem is the hardest and most rewarding in all of the world. Kol hakavod, bracha ve hatzlacha. To be a teacher is the most admirable, I"m sure you are touching many children's lives for a brighter future. May HaShem continue to give you "oshir ve oshir" in ruchnius and goshmius, and all brachos!

(15)
Dl Lavin,
January 23, 2007 3:19 PM

taking for granted

everyday i get to see ms.feigenbaum both and class and in the officeâ˜º.at first when i came to tiferet, i felt bad for her, always struggiling to move places and do everyday things that i can do, but take for granted.After spending almost two years seeeing her beautiful face everydayâ™¥ i am only inspired. Ms. Feigenbaum is a living proof and witness that hashem exist and what she belives is shown in the very way that her life is portrayed.I love her so much!â™¥xoxoxâ™¥

(14)
Chanie,
January 22, 2007 10:05 PM

A Personal Inspiration

I grew up with Batya in Toronto and she never ceased to amaze me. I remember riding on the back of your scooter and in my innocence, wishing I had one of those. Even early on in your childhood you understood how to connect with others and take your friends for a ride. Batya, you wouldn't even know who I am because there are so many of us inspired by you.I hope you read this and know what you've done for everyone who's crossed your path.

(13)
Marvin Kravetsky,
January 22, 2007 6:43 PM

re;Batya

what an inspiring story. It is remarkablethat this young women is such a great achiever, but then again, Her Dad, the most respectedRabbi is a brilliant example to her and to all of us here in Toronto. Infact Iam proud to say that two of my Granddaughters are Graduates of the school and another is now in her firstyear. One of her teachers is Batya!

(12)
Sorah Y. S. Ross,
January 22, 2007 6:21 PM

wow! i could cry!

i really needed to read this article today. i had a hard day with my mildly phisically handicapped daughter, and i am getting so fusterated and thinking what will be? i am sure the years have been a hard struggle but such chizuk and inspiration to others. HASHEM should answer all your tefilos for GOOD that you can see. "How wonderous are the ways of HASHEM, and how beautiful are the people of YISROEL"

(11)
ALLAN F. HYATT,
January 22, 2007 9:43 AM

G-D BLESS HER

G-D BLESS HER AND THE WONDERFUL PARENTS SHE HAS THAT DID NOT GIVE UP ON HER LIFE. THE STORY IS INSPIRING!

(10)
Anonymous,
January 22, 2007 4:43 AM

Wonderful advice

A very small sentence in this wonderful tale needs emphasizing: one who is limited, in whatever way, should consider the gift he gives to others by letting them help him in whatever way it may be.

This was the hardest lesson for me to learn; I am stubbornly independent and really disliked needing to ask for help. Then a good friend in the community pointed out that when I accept help, I am letting the other person do a mitzvah for me. Changed my whole perspective! Thanks, Batya!

May you and your beshert soon find each other and, b'ezrat HaShem and b'karov, be able to build a Bayit Ne'eman B'Yisrael!

(9)
judy Goldberg,
January 22, 2007 12:20 AM

I enjoyed reading your article. I have a physical disability and very active in women's health. The article was very positive and I'm glad that this article is out in the open to educate all that women with disabilities function and are out there living a full live like anyone else. I want to point out that the proper language to use is "people first" language in talking about persons with disablities. The word "handicapped" is no longer used. I also knew Rabbi Fagenbaum in the '70's in Israel and would love to be in touch with him. If there is a way I can get his email address that would be wonderful. Thanks again. Judy

(8)
Anonymous,
January 21, 2007 11:48 PM

Lucky girl

Lucky in that she had parents who believed in her and had the means or ways to get her help.Not all of us who are handicapped are so blessed.By her photo she is attractive, too.She will find someone some day who will not be concerned about her handicap.

(7)
yocheved,
January 21, 2007 9:10 PM

I know Batya from camp a couple of years back and she has the most amazing midos and a gorgeous smile. I remember getting inspired every time I saw her scooting by or walking with her crutches. Once you get to know her you totally forget she is handicapped.

(6)
Anonymous,
January 21, 2007 5:52 PM

I would like to let Batya know that she was mechazek our emuna in hashem and i am sure she will find the perfect shidduch!!.

(5)
Rev Edwin Goldberg,
January 21, 2007 2:21 PM

Very significant article - hope and belief in physical restoration

Keep on providing examples of the power of rehabilitation over giving up.

(4)
Anonymous,
January 21, 2007 12:41 PM

What a Beautiful Person!

Knowing the Feigenbaum family, and having a child with "special needs" myself, they left no stone unturned in getting Batya to where she is today - an accomplished young Bas Yisroel who epitomizes what Yiddishkeit is all about. She is as beautiful inside as she is outside. She never feels sorry for herself. Not once have I seen her cry - only when she cried tears of joy in relishing in the simcha of others. She is someone I look up to when I'm feeling really sorry for myself and getting frustrated when I'm faced with my own troubles in dealing with my child. Kol Hakavod to Rabbi and Mrs. Feigenbaum - a true inspirattion for our community!

(3)
Zissel Keller,
January 21, 2007 11:43 AM

WOW!!

Both you and your parents are an example of what most of us need to learn!! If Hashem send us a nisyon we have to believe that 1. it is for our benefit and 2. WE CAN DO IT! Thank you for driving this lesson home! Much hatzlacha in the future and I hope we will hear when you get that shidduch! I already wish I kknew who it will be!

(2)
(: Yoshe,
January 21, 2007 10:47 AM

Climb out of handicaps

Thank you for this story of courage and respect. May The Holy One match Batya with the right shidduch, and help her to walk unhindered. :)

(1)
Dovid,
January 21, 2007 10:38 AM

I remember Batya and I miss the Feigenbaums!

1) Almost 20 years ago I was learning at Yeshivat Darche Noam in Jerusalem.Rav Feigenbaum was the Mashgiach. I'll never forget-whenever R. Feigenbaum gave a shmooze I ALWAYS felt he was talking to me . Everyone else felt the same about themselves. I've missed him terribly.I was invited to the Feigenbaums for dinner in their Sukkah. I got lost on the way, arrived late and found everyone waiting patiently for me. All of a sudden I noticed a young child pulling herself across the floor. I didn't understand why.When I realized what was happening and how much love the family showed her I was absolutely amazed. They truly had faith in her, maybe because their whole existence is filled with faith and based on their belief that G-d wants the best for His children-He brings us close in many different ways.I pray to Hashem that the next generation of Feigenbaums will be as successful and loved as Rav and Lonnie Feigenbaum are and will find their way home to Eretz Yisrael, where they are sorely missed!

I want to know about the concept of "sin" due to Adam and Eve eating from the Tree of Knowledge. The Christian concept of sin revolves around the fall of the man and the "original sin." Does Judaism view it the same way?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Adam and Eve were punished according to their actions. In other words, God laid down the conditions for Adam and Eve to live in the garden, provided they would not eat from the Tree of Knowledge. However, if they were to eat from that tree they would be punished by experiencing death. (If they had not eaten from the tree, they would have remained immortal.)

This sets down the basic principle in Judaism of Reward and Punishment. Basic to this is that every person has the choice of doing good or bad. When a person chooses "good" – as defined by God – he is able to draw close to God. In other words, every individual has a chance to "gain salvation" through his own actions.

My understanding of Christianity, however, is that the Original Sin has infected all of mankind to the point where individuals are incapable of achieving salvation through their own initiative. Man is "totally depraved" and therefore his only hope of salvation is through the cross.

This belief is contrary to the teachings of Judaism. From the Torah perspective, an individual does not need to rely on anyone else to atone for them. In Judaism, sins can be "erased" altogether by sincere repentance and a firm resolution never to repeat the mistakes.

For more on this, read "Their Hollow Inheritances" by Michael Drazin – www.drazin.com

Yahrtzeit of Moses in 1273 BCE (Jewish year 2488), on the same day of his birth 120 years earlier. (Consequently, "May you live to 120" has become a common Jewish blessing.) Moses was born in Egypt at a time when Pharaoh had decreed that all Jewish baby boys be drowned in the Nile River. His mother set him afloat in a reed basket, where he was -- most ironically -- discovered by Pharaoh's daughter and brought to Pharaoh's palace to be raised. When Moses matured, his heart turned to aid the Jewish people; he killed an Egyptian who was beating a Jew, and he fled to Midian where he married and had two sons. God spoke to Moses at the Burning Bush, instructing him to return to Egypt and persuade Pharaoh to "let My people go." Moses led the Jews through the ten plagues, the Exodus, and the splitting of the Red Sea. Seven weeks later, the Jews arrived at Mount Sinai and received the Torah, the only time in human history that an entire nation experienced Divine revelation. Over the next 40 years, Moses led the Jews through wanderings in the desert, and supervised construction of the Tabernacle. Moses died before being allowed to enter the promised Land of Israel. He is regarded as the greatest prophet of all time.

Lack of gratitude is at the root of discontent. In order to be consistently serene, we must master the attribute of being grateful to the Creator for all His gifts. As the Torah (Deuteronomy 26:11) states, "Rejoice with all the good the Almighty has given you." This does not negate our wanting more. But it does mean that we have a constant feeling of gratitude since as long as we are alive, we always have a list of things for which to be grateful.

[Just before Moses' death] God said to him, "This is the Land that I promised to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob" (Deuteronomy 34:4).

The Midrash says that Moses pleaded to live long enough to be able to enter the Promised Land. He surrendered his soul only after God instructed him to enter Heaven and inform the Patriarchs that the Israelites had come to their Land and that God had indeed fulfilled His promise to give the Land of Israel to their descendants. To fulfill God's will was dearer to Moses than his craving to enter the Land.

It is only natural to cling to life, and the thought of leaving this world is depressing. However, if a person develops the attitude that he lives only in order to fulfill God's will, then life and death are no longer polar opposites, because he lives to do the will of God, and when that will requires that he leave this world, he will be equally obedient.

The seventh day of Adar is the anniversary of Moses' death. He wanted to enter the Promised Land so that he could fulfill the commandments and thereby have a new opportunity to fulfill the Divine wish. He surrendered his soul willingly when he was told that there was a special commandment for him to perform, one that could only be achieved after leaving this earth.

We refer to Moses as Rabbeinu, our teacher. He not only taught us didactically, but by means of everything he did in his life - and by his death, as well.

Today I shall...

try to dedicate my life to fulfilling the will of God, so that even when that will contradicts my personal desires, I can accept it with serenity.

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