Yes Farms, Yes Plugs

Yes Farms, Yes Plugs

In the middle of what had been just another dinner conversation at the sex columnist’s house, a friend absolutely delighted me by dishing that he had just completed his first-ever public anal-plug wearing day. Just as many more people—gay, straight, male-bodied, female-bodied, married, single, what have you—indulge in anal sex than you think; a lot more people are also doing it in public. I can see at least three people in the cafe I’m in right now shifting in their seats in a way that says, “I just sneezed and now my plug is slipping out and I hope no one can tell.”

This particular dinner-party friend chose the location of his maiden butt-plug-wearing voyage the same way any Northamptonite might: he popped that baby in and went food shopping at River Valley Market. I was dying to know how it went. Did it stay in? (Though the anus’ sphincter muscles will suck in any toy without a flared base, they also instinctively push objects out.)

What happened when he laughed?

“It went well,” he told me, “though it was a little awkward passing moms and their kids pushing their carts down an aisle full of organic gluten-free baked goods.”

I have to admit, nibbling on the River Valley Market snacks he had brought over for dinner took on a whole new vibe after that.

Now my friend is a relatively experienced butt plug user in the bedroom, so his casual foray into the world of produce shopping while packing some backdoor heat was an easy transition for him. To make your first public plug-wearing experience just as safe and enjoyable, here are some tips:

Choose your weapon wisely. Silicone is soft, flexible, sanitary and lightweight. The Bootie by Fun Factory and Bob by Lelo are both beginner-friendly silicone anal plugs that would do well during a night on the town. They’re compact, discreet and, best of all, their bases are narrow so they’ll fit ergonomically between your cheeks.

Though my all-time favorite plugs are the stainless steel ones made by NJoy, something that heavy is definitely more challenging. If you like alternative material, go super-light-weight with Nob Essence’s shellacked wooden plugs.

Whatever plug you choose, aim for pocket-sized in case you need to take it out. Because—where do you put it?

Start by wearing your plug for half an hour around the house so you can easily remove it if it gets uncomfortable. If all goes well, go out of the house for 30 minutes and increase your time increments from there.

The number one booty-play rule is always lube, lube, lube. Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula is my favorite anal lube. It stays in place and is soft and cushiony for those sensitive bits.

Water-based lubes like Sassy, however, will absorb into your skin eventually, so remove your plug and re-lube every hour.

Silicone lube doesn’t absorb into your skin, but it’ll ruin your silicone toys. And, though putting silicone lube in your booty is technically safe, leaving any long-lasting lube there for too long just seems a little festery to me.

So once you get it there, how do you keep it there? There are harnesses, which are basically regular dildo harnesses with a G-string design that will hold the plug in place. Or wear extra-tight briefs or a thong. Just make sure your harness is easy to remove in case, you know, you need to poop or something.

Then choose your maiden voyage! For starters, wear your plug during a low-key sitting event like dinner so you can do a subtle wiggle if something feels out of place.

Hitting the rock gym might not be the best first choice (look out below!). And, if you decide to go my friend’s route and head to a local food co-op like River Valley Market. just make sure to buy your plug locally (I recommend Northampton’s Oh My) or things could really get awkward.