08 November 2007

Relax, this will solve everything

So how about that World Series prediction? I guess the Rockies swept the Red Sox in the bizarro World Series. Moving on...

Apparently, there is a huge water shortage in the Deep South. If it doesn't start raining soon, Atlanta is going to run out of water. The idea of a major metropolitan American city not having any water strikes me as a failure of planning. Surely someone saw this coming, right? Anyone? Hello?

Here he comes to save the day! Georgia Governor Sonny "Mighty Mouse" Perdue has an idea: invite a whole bunch of folks to gather next week outside the state capital and pray for rain.

Bat. Shit. Crazy.

Well, I guess it can't hurt. It's not like praying for rain will take the remaining supply away, but even for the Deep South, this seems a little nutty. What if it doesn't work? Does everyone come back the following week for a mass two-steppin'?

Ted Turner lives in Atlanta and has a bajillion dollars. Can't he just buy a lake or two from Minnesota (which can certainly spare it) and move it down there?

I forget the name, but there is apparently a rural town in Georgia that has water restrictions for all but three hours of the day. Try doing everything you need water for in three hours-shower, wash clothes, dishes, flushing toilets. I bet folks fill up whatever containers they can find for three hours.

I have heard it said more than once that the net big conflict in the Middle East isn't going to be about land. Instead, it'll be about water. There's not nearly enough for everyone over there. Here, Florida and Alabama are starting to battle with Georgia over who is entitled to what water remains in the area. Maybe this is the beginning of the next Civil War. We'll have dry states vs. wet states.

It doesn't matter. It's all going to end next week. I'm sure that a torrent of rain is being conjured up as I write this somewhere off the coast of Africa, ready to arrive and soak the great evangelical state of Georgia. All they had to do was ask for it.

I can't help but imagine the outrage we'd be hearing from conservatives about this water shortage if a Democrat held the Governor's Mansion in Atlanta (what, you didn't know Perdue was a Republican?). They be getting all frothy about mismanagement, how the governor dropped the ball. They'd be clamoring for Jeb Bush to come in and solve everything, just as soon as he brings Terry Schiavo back to life.

There's a Republican governor in Georgia, so it's no one's fault that there's soon to be no water, because things like this happen so damn quick.