Tuesday, April 10, 2012

HE SAID.... Ladies I have a question for you...

We all have certain lines we won't cross when we're with people we don't know very well. But when we're with people we know very well those lines get blurred.

I hope this isn't sexist... but in my experiences it's a woman who will be the first to complain that a line has been crossed.

Lately I've been having a conversation with a friend who is a woman. I will be the first to admit that I've done & said some crazy things in front of this woman. Was I trying to be offensive? No. Was I purposely crossing a line? No.

But I am being told that if I had any common decency I never would've "went there" in the first place.

Let me throw in here that by this woman's own admission she did not make it known that she was uncomfortable.

I have to admit... I don't understand this. I am not agreeing or disagreeing... I don't understand.

Is someone crossing a line if they don't know it? Once they know it they should respect their boundaries (which I have done) but I am being told I should've known better in the first place.

Don't we all push our boundaries & say politically incorrect things around close friends? Don't we all push or stay back depending on who we're with? So who is to say what is common decency?

Or am I getting it all wrong? Maybe common decency are the obvious lines that no one crosses.... I don't know.

Let me make something clear here.... I am not judging anyone for having a line. Just because I don't have one doesn't means you shouldn't either. BUT I don't expect to be judged because I don't have one or because my version of common decency is different from someone else's.

8 comments:

Being politically incorrect around someone is one thing, and to me, it’s common decency to stop offending someone when it’s clear you have offended them.

However..... when those “blurred lines” have to do with someone’s basic right to not be touched in places that are generally considered off limits, that’s a different story. If there is an understanding between two adults, great. No judgement if you have no personal line that is crossed. When there is no understanding and no permission - merely assumption - not great. Regardless of whether or not a person feels ok to confidently say “I dont like that. Dont do it".

A person ALWAYS has the right to personal space. No matter how close a friend you think you are to them. No matter what their job is. No matter what someone else has been given permission to do. That is common decency.

NO this is your opinion of common decency. Who made you GOD to decide what is and what is not common decency. Society makes that up usually by people voicing what they like and do not like. There is no rule book. And yes I feel it depends on who you are with at the time. So speak up but then SHUT UP once your requests have been honored. Then MOVE ON. How about caring about other people's feeling for a change instead of sitting around thinking of all the bad things that have been done to you. Really, just get on with your life.

Give me a break. I'm not talking about the law. I'm asking for people's opinions on the matter.

There are things every single one of us have done that we're not proud of.... things that could get us in some kind of legal trouble or trouble with the law.

My original post was asking people's opinions. It looks like by all the anonymous posts that people have different views on the matter. And that's FINE.

Why not focus on the now.... now that I know my friend is uncomfortable I respect every one of her wishes. I feel bad about the past but I can't change it. It's done. I've apologized several times. I will not be defined by it. I respect my friend now very much & that's what counts.

Haven't you done something you're not proud of? You've never done something that's not considered common decency? Maybe that's the question I should've asked in my original post.

I think everyone needs to lighten up and get on with it!!!! Go to therapy and deal with your issues instead of beating up your friends. Are you perfect, I think NOT. Please stop judging to a person that is supposed to be your friend. AND the law was not written the way it was UNTIL people spoke up!!!!! Then it was honored. Check your history on that one.

As long as you aren't a hypocrite and were a full participant in the debauchery then you have the right to be upset if someone crosses a clearly defined line. But if you participated in ANY level, whether it was dirty jokes, inappropriate cuddling, or just wanting to fit in, then you have no right to start crying about it. Simply state your desire to be treated in a certain way and then expect to be treated that way, but remember to be very careful not to cross that line yourself in the future for any reason. Have the courage of your convictions and stand strong or go find a new circle of friends.