The problem was the debian update itself.
After comparing working and not working iptable I could not fing a difference.
So I removed both iptables and fail2ban but I still could not access the net.

So I started the update process again ( thats what I like about virtual images )
Made sure that the virtualbox additions were working corectly.
Then did a partial update of files which were not related to the server ( just in case )
Then did the final update and it now works

This problem was proberly a debian one which was fixed during the time of the first problem and finally getting it working.