Writing about Life

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It’s got to that time of year again when the sun starts to shine, albeit intermittently. Now I am willing to accept that the temperature has barely increased to above 14ºC, and I had to de-ice my car this morning – But in my mind its still summer, or at least the beginning of.

We may have only had a mere 3 days of sunshine, but this is the weather in my mind (one can dream)

And yes although it pains to me to admit it, I am one of those people that is a bit too keen. The sun comes out and to me the only thing to do is replace the coat for a light cardigan, and the jeans in favour of shorts. However this does usually mean I’m sat shivering in corner, while everyone else is enjoying their day – perhaps they’ll be wearing the jeans, hat and scarf I wish I was wearing. At least if I was wearing that I’d be warm.

But as the sun does start to rear its head, my first thoughts are bikini shopping. Now I’ll browse numerous shops and websites for that perfect swimming ensemble. Yet never does the image on the model quite live up to my expectations once I’m wearing it myself.

Current Favourite, African Bandeau Bikini, Topshop £26

I’m not overweight and have never been overweight. I’m a size 8 yet unfortunately I have been blessed with a rather large derriere. And while this does not result in calamity on an everyday basis, bikini shopping is something quite different.

But firstly to illustrate the sheer size of my backside, not long ago I was walking down my own road, albeit I was wearing a body-con skirt but in my defence I was heading into town for a night out. I’m just minding my business until I hear the horn of a car go, I turn round only to be greeted by a very considerate gentlemen. So considerate in fact he had taken the time to climb half way out of a moving car’s window to yell pointing at me, ‘look at the back-end on that!’ I’m still none the wiser as to whether that was a compliment being given to my ‘back-end’ or not.

When it comes to the all important summer swimwear choice I am drawn in by the various patterns, tribal, aztec (although I’m convinced that’s the same thing as tribal) floral, stripy etc etc. However why oh why do these shops not consider that perhaps some people have a bum? Bikinisets generally come in sizes 8, 10, 12 etc. But why is it so hard to find separates with that same print you’ve fallen in love with in the sets? Why can’t I buy a size 8 top and a 10, perhaps even a 12 for the bottom? Now being an A cup on top usually isn’t a problem for fit, but having an above average size backside is. But of course you can bet if the bikini fits like a dream on the bottom, its somewhat gaping on top. Therefore I am usually one of those people that have to sneakily change the bottoms for a larger size, in fear of what I call the double bum.

Now the double bum is not the best look, especially when exposed on the beach. Like I’ve said the top half usually is a perfect fit. However the bottoms … no no no! Too tight, normally exposing a little too much flesh for my liking and cutting in at all the wrong places. Creating what is usually, an unsightly bulge or bulges to be precise. And to demonstrate further what I mean, this illustration should clear up any misunderstanding as to what the double bum is…

Now my bum is big, and I tell myself Kim Kardashian has this same genetic makeup. And while that’s true, the double bum effect doesn’t quite have the sex appeal of a sculpted Kardashian posterior!

Of course you never see the likes of Jennifer Aniston or Katy Perry with this problem. But of course they’ve got an army of dieticians, personal trainers etc etc. But whilst focusing on these celebrities an the perfectly formed backsides, lustworthy legs and sculpted abs I think we all forget that that comes at a price. Now I am not someone who is going to feel satisfied having eaten a handful of granola for breakfast, a bowl of soup for lunch and wait for it … An entire lettuce leaf for dinner.

I can’t be doing with that, I just try and eat healthily and try and exercise (even if thought of running makes want to crawl up into a hole and die). I don’t want to be pumping iron at the gym everyday. I just want to be healthy but enjoy myself, so if that means that a bar of chocolate now and then or a bowl of ice-cream is banned. I’d rather keep the double bum.