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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

There is an ad currently on TV that infuriates me to no end every time it comes on screen. It is an ad for Oreo cookies wherein an annoying little girl shows her dad how to eat an Oreo. You know the whole stupid drill - twist, lick, stick it back together, dunk, eat. But don't let Daddy have any!! Vile. Repellent. Eww.

Why do I say this? Because the girl and Dad in question are English. Oreos, and the stupid twist lick thing are American, and I found that bit of cookie culture horrible enough when Americans indulged in it. To see two English people assimilate American culture on TV in this way makes me want to gag. Why? you ask. Why? I'll tell you why. And yes - this is a rant.

Firstly, Americans seem to be obsessed with the idea that dunking cookies in ice cold milk is a wonderful, gleeful thing for all ages to enjoy. If you don't dunk your Toll House or your Chips Ahoy in chilled moo juice you are un-American, apparently, and to be shunned.

Here in the UK where I was brought up, you dunk cookies (actually, biscuits - that's what we call cookies over here, in case you didn't know) in hot tea, hot coffee or hot chocolate if you are planning a massive myocardial infarction. And I will explain to you why.

Dunking a cookie as hard as an Oreo in ice cold cow extract results in what? An Oreo with a thin layer of wet cold stuff on it. Eww.
Dunking a biscuit such as a Digestive or a Custard Cream into a steaming mug of hot coffee results in what? Moist, warm, melt-in-the-mouth cookie deliciousness infused with coffee flavour. What's not to like?

But when I lived in the States and dared to dunk in the manner of my forefathers, people looked at me like I was a bit touched.

I mean, can we just examine this little ritual that has somehow become a hallowed part of American pop culture? First, let's look at the Oreo. What the hell is so great about two hard little biccies that taste vaguely of chocolate with some synthetic sugary icing between them?

The only reason to twist them apart in my experience was so that you could twist another one apart and then sandwich the two with the icing attached back together to make a mega-Oreo, but frankly, I'd take a Pepperidge Farm cookie or a Nutter Butter over an Oreo. It's no good using the Oreo for the hot-dunk method either. It does not make it taste any better. Kinda ruins the coffee too.

But to twist the two halves apart, lick the icing, and then sandwich them back together, what the heck is that all about? Do you not have enough saliva in your diet, is that it?

So you've got your slobbery cookie, and now you want to dip it in milk? Well, thanks but no thanks, Jack. I'll take my Chocolate Digestive and a piping hot cuppa, cheers all the same.

Even famous Irishmen love to dunk.

Not to mention wacky top chefs.

Oh, and what the hell kind of grip over her father does this girl have that he's not allowed to eat any? Who the heck does she think pays for the damn things?

Friday, August 9, 2013

You might remember a while back when I bemoaned the lack of creativity and skill of this town's young'uns when I stumbled upon this paean to disaffected youth:

I have since discovered that I was wrong. In fact, the young people of Tenterden (those in possession of markers or spray paint, anyway) have a LOT to say about the world and their feelings and that, innit, blud. Take this example:

Seriously? In one of the whitest towns I know? Lil' Wayne, you have a lot to answer for.