No One Ever Said It Better

No one ever said it better than Osama bin Laden: “When people see a strong horse and a weak horse, by nature they will like the strong horse.”

—Thomas Friedman, in the Times.

When people see a boiled ham (and by people I mean men), it’s rare that they think, Hey, great. But when they see prosciutto they’re, like, “Awesome. I love that stuff.” And yet they’re both ham. By nature, we are drawn toward cured meats.

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Let’s say you see a kitten. Fine, make it two kittens. Let’s say you see two kittens. One’s nimble and fast and cute. The other one is dead. My experience is that people—and by people I mean children—by nature go for the live kitten. They see strength in the live kitten. Also, who wants a dead kitten?

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Imagine, if you will, a powerfully built warrior. An ancient soldier of the Pharaoh, perhaps, or a mighty Spartan, or a lithe Shaolin monk. In each you sense strength, danger, yet calm. Now imagine, next to him, the new J. Crew Jericho hobo bag in tumble-dried leather, perfect for weekend getaways. Which would you choose? Personally, I’d choose the bag.

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Try this one the next time you’re in a meeting or a conference and there’s a lull in the conversation: “Giraffe walks into a bar, says, ‘The highballs are on me.’ “ By nature, people will laugh. But not because it’s funny. Because they feel sorry for you. So I guess my point is that it’s better to be quiet than to tell a stupid joke.

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When people see a five-bedroom, four-and-a-half-bath Arts and Crafts-style home on four waterfront acres in Larchmont, New York, with a private tennis court, and then they see a cave in the mountains just north of Helmand Province…whatever.

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When people see a pony, they often think, Is that a baby horse? But it’s not. A pony is a full-grown horse that’s just small. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this argument with friends. And, while kids love ponies and pony rides, my sense is that, if you were going to buy a horse, you’d want something larger. Because who besides a child can ride a pony? Imagine it’s a Saturday and your friends come over for a cookout and to see your new horse, and they pull up and they see you on your pony, your feet almost touching the ground. You look like an asshole, right? Get a real horse.

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I once saw a guy driving a car, windows down—mind you, this is August in Jidda—wearing oven mitts on his hands. I don’t know what made me think of that.

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Let me tell you a little something about human nature. If people are given a choice between a nice lamb sandwich with pesto mayonnaise on warm pita bread and having to define the word “rheostat,” the vast majority will go for the sandwich every time. ♦