Guess Who’s Moving Into the Chewable Bar Space in a More Disruptive Way

Today, the CEO of a Silicon Valley-spawned startup told TechCrunch that his company was “moving into the chewable bar space in a more disruptive way.” That is, they’re making snack bars.

It’s the kind of phrase that could only come from someone whose brain has been completely poisoned by his own company’s meaningless techie newspeak. But which company’s meaningless techie newspeak? Let’s guess!

Here’s a hint: That same executive told the New York Times that when “we first started coming up with this idea of portioned, chewable nutrition, we were like, ‘Oh it should be a cube.’” Unfortunately, the exec said that internal testing discovered that “Cubes are really difficult to do.”

Additionally, he told TechCrunch that his company was on a “journey” to “a complete nutrition platform you can enjoy throughout the day.”

Finally, this is how the CEO explained his corporate ethos to the Times: “Before it was all about function. […] Now you hear words like enjoyment in our mission.”