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Disclaimer:

Many stories herein are subject to the faulty, and sometimes creative, memory of the blog owner and should not be taken as factual, although the names and events are real! Kind of.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

True Wardrobe Confessions

I did it. Today I bought something I swore I never would.

I bought....Jeggings. I used the self-check at Walmart and furtively hid them under the sweat pants that I was also purchasing. Kind of like back when I was embarrassed to buy feminine products. It's role reversal. Used to hide those under a swimsuit. Now I'd rather not let anyone know I'm purchasing anything like a swimsuit or jeggings so I tried pretended they were for my daughter.

Pitiful, I know.

I had a good reason actually for buying such a questionable (at my age and fitness level) item. You see, awhile back I purchased an awesome shirt at a Real Women's Store downtown. And it wasn't on sale. AND the name of the store did not end in Mart, nor did it contain the word thrift or discount. Seriously, I'm getting wild in my old age.

So anyways, back to this awesome shirt. It is a little past hip length and flares at the bottom and did not look good with my usual loose fit slacks(perhaps should insert here formally loose fit, but that leads down a whole other rabbit trail that involves Nutella and fear of sweat). Then I saw some skinny girl wearing a shirt fashioned in the same manner and it was with leggings (jeggings, whatever) and boots and I had an epiphany: I have a long shirt! I have boots! And those types of pants are cheap, cheap! And then I can feel better about the money I spent on the shirt that I have now owned for two months and never worn! And perhaps I could look just like that skinny girl??? or not.

So, reasoning and justification led me down the slippery slope of fashion to buying jeggings.

Will I wear them? We will have to wait and see. I don't drink so there will be no false courage when donning this outfit. You've seen those women with such thin legs their leggings are loose on them? That's probably not gonna be me.

The real problem with clothes is not the clothes themselves, but the body they must cover. Fabric is a tad thinner than it used to be, so then the clothes must be a tad looser but unfortunately fashion seems to dictate 'fitted.'

You know that story The Saggy Baggy Elephant? I don't really recall the story line but the title seems to say it all. I try to remind myself to check the back view before leaving the house but sometimes I'm in WalMart walking behind someone and wonder if they know they look like that and then I remember I didn't look in the mirror very well myself that morning. Things aren't where they used to be if you know what I mean.

So on that uplifting note, let's talk swimsuits. It's not swimsuit season but aren't they the worst things to buy? (worse than jeggings!) In 28 (blissful) years of marriage, I've purchased maybe five swimsuits. The last one was for a family beach trip to San Diego where thankfully the ocean was too cold for swimming. In spite of being well traveled, that costly item of apparel has only been worn 3 times. It usually goes on vacation with us, but seldom sees the light of day. Or the chlorine in the pool, or the salt in the ocean if you get my drift. (Ooo! another water reference!) It is going to rot in the dark before it gets worn out from wearing!

When trying on a swimsuit, I don't want a three way mirror around. Or glasses. Or an audience. Beyond checking that everything that needs to be covered is covered, the mirror view is avoided. I try to comfort myself with Parade and National Enquirer and all those other higher thinking pieces of newsprint at the checkout counter that show Hollywood type people frolicking around the Riviera and such places in their Speedos and bikinis and it turns out that even some of those thin ones should not be wearing so little in public. If only the dressing rooms could be papered with a few of those?

Perhaps one day, I'll post a selfie on Facebook wearing my new outfit. Hopefully before it's not really new anymore. And before the elastic wears out of the pants(jeggings!) from age.