When I watch this video I almost wish I had the foresight to collect this type of stuff about my Nan. Sometimes I feel like I didn’t do enough when I see things like this video, but I realise that this video is made only of the best and most perfect and sublime moments. I remember at the end that Nan would forget things a lot and repeat herself, but under all of that was her assertive, strongly independent personality. Along with that came her pride, which I think was important to her. I don’t think Nan liked the incapability that came with getting older, and she sometimes would get frustrated when she couldn’t put her thoughts into words or at the home she would hide her dirty clothes and would change clothes herself so that the staff would not see that she hadn’t made it to the toilet on time. I miss her a lot… I think when we discuss or see things about older people that they’re idealised (or even worse, considered ‘cute’) and we ignore the realities that come with it.

Things to ponder while you have lunch: What is it to live a long life? How is it to forget? Do you have any regrets when it comes to your older relatives? Do you fear getting older and what comes with it? Do you try to look after yourself now to ensure a smoother ageing process?

So where was I in May? I was yet again in England. My nan passed away only two days after I came back home. I’m really glad I got to see her before she died. I guess it reminds me of when grandma (dad’s mum) died when I was a kid in a way, but I didn’t get to see grandma really before she passed on. Having no grandparents left is an odd feeling. I always felt a bit odd about my grandparents in a sense because I never met my grandfathers. To me, grandparenthood is something entirely feminine, because the rugged masculinity (a cliché I suppose) of my grandfathers was entirely absent from my life. But again, it’s almost as if she isn’t really gone. The physical separation that was between us (namely, the Atlantic Ocean and eastern Canada) almost serves to delay my reaction to her death. This doesn’t mean that I loved or valued her any less. It just seems to have muted things. As she grew older, I think we talked less, and I regret that, in some respects. I wanted to collect all of her stories and hold them tightly, greedily to my chest. I think I’m obsessed with the past. I always look back and never forward. Maybe this is because I spent so little time with her growing up, compared with my brother. I had to fill in all the blanks myself; I needed a complete narrative. I don’t spite my parents for immigrating, because I think we have live a very good life here in Canada, and I do like it here. It’s just I think the (purely physical) distance between us and the rest of the family has caused me to cherish the moments I spend with them much more. I crave spending time with my other relatives. That’s why I want to move to England, at least for a little while, in order to get to know them better as people.

Nan and I

In any case, we held a beautiful service for her. I think it was good, because it was positive and upbeat, just like nan was.

Now that the mood is a bit gloomy and sombre, I’d like to write about everything else I did while I was away, but I’m probably going to do it in chunks, since I did do quite a few things. This isn’t going to be like the Los Angeles posts. I promise I will actually get around to it. Also the safari post is coming soon. I promise. Again. I just have so many photos!

Pretty much how the rest of the trip went, and my not posting about it. Ok, pretty much a metaphor for my whole life.

A lot of things have happened since I went to Bristol. I went to Castle Ashby with mum, thinking it would be an actual castle, but it was a stately home (inaccessible) and a yard with some shops in old stables. I bought some sweet hunting socks with tassels, and I finally found a Ribena ice, which I haven’t had since I was very small, probably on the Pitsford Reservoir, which we actually went to later.

I wanted to buy this Metropolitan Police badge, but it was way too expensive.

I also found the most evil puppet ever

RIBENA ICE. CHIILDHOOD FULFILLED

Wasn’t quite as good as it was when I was a kid…

At the aforementioned reservoir

I made a tulip skirt out of my American Apparel circle scarf. I felt a bit like it was a kanga throwback, since mum gets annoyed with me if I try to pull of kanga/batiki here and makes me change into something else, since she doesn’t want to be seen with me in public wearing a swath of material that says (in Swahili) “MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.” There was also a cute goose, who was very friendly.

I took a sweet selfie in the car too, since I’m an unrepentant narcissist.

I also forgot to mention the two adorable dogs that my cousins have at their house (where Nan’s afterparty was). They’re a bit loud, but I like them. I walked them a few times at night with Steve, which was nice. I’m glad for the opportunity to talk to my relatives more closely. It’s been too long since I saw them.

Cooper, sitting in an adorable way. I didn’t get a good photo of Monty.

I wandered around the ruins myself, since Nan couldn’t come around with the wheelchair. Mum stayed with Nan for the most part. We had lunch in the tea room – I had soup and cream tea, since I’m a greedy person:

Also Rose Lemonade

Mum and I found a series of helmets and a not-totally-pleased-but-warming-to-my-childishness man who was attending them. I tried a load of them on at mostly my mum’s… oh who am I kidding, I wanted to try them on. So I did. And mum took photographs.

It’s like a bonnet!

I’m wearing glasses with a helmet since I’m an educated knight

Imma smacka yo face (bonus gloves pic)

If my mum weren’t so patient…

I also took a nice photograph with Nan:

😀

I took a self-shot by balancing my camera on a ruined wall, though I look a bit grumpy. As usual.

Narcissism

After Kenilworth Castle, we went to Warwick Castle, which was slightly less pleasant, mostly because it’d been completely commercialised, and was sort of a theme park for children. It was a bit weird. I had to always shoot up and crop out all the touristy stuff.

Church tower from the castle tower

Tapestry in Queen Anne’s room

Painted glass in the Warwick Castle house

The Mount at Warwick Castle

The day after we went to the castles, I went up to Manchester to see my cousins. I had a nice Italian dinner with Chris at Gusto. The day after, I went to Old Trafford with Alan, with whom I was staying with. I was happy to see Frank after lunch and have tea with him – the end of the day led us to Alan’s partner’s house, where she had made chili con carne, which was quite nice. The day after, Alan and I went to North Wales, to Llandudno.

Llandudno

Seagull at the pier

We had a lovely drive home along the coast road. The next day I boarded a train for Middlesbrough to meet a friend, and we went together to Whitby. Whitby is a seaside town on the other coast – at Llandudno, I put my feet in the Irish sea, and at Whitby, I put my feet in the North Sea (I think? worst geographer ever…). We had fish and chips from the Magpie café, which were pretty good, though the portion was about two times too big for my little stomach. After we wandered through the town with the ultimate goal of going to Whitby Abbey, which we did, though it was really windy and I couldn’t see much because my hair was in my eyes until I sensibly stacked it all on top of my head.

The very portrait of sensibility – grave at Whitby Abbey

Whitby Abbey being all broody

The harbour entrance from the windy hill

Graveyard overlooking the town

The Abbey

Gothic architecture is pretty sweet

I did also see something very strange that I wasn’t certain about. When we left the train station, we saw a group of people surrounding some Morris dancers. I was confused by them and soon learned why – they had sort of blackface on. I think it was a pirate themed thing, but I’m not really sure. I just was miffed the whole time. They roamed about the town so we kept running into them…

Morris dancer.. wat

I went home the next day to Wellingborough station, where we had lunch with Alan, my mum, and my Nan. We did a bit of a drive round the countryside after, where I found a bust of my great, great, great Uncle, Sir Alfred East, and remarked on how similar we sort of look (Mum’s got the photos of me standing close to him, so I’ll post those later.)

Sup g-g-g uncs

I also found the ultimate thatch cottage, which falls into line with the penultimate part of my life plan: live in an adorable thatch cottage with a rad stone wall:

Oh God yes

Dat thatch

That’s pretty much it for what I’ve been doing, though I have a bit more to write about… but I’m lazy, and I only get 45 minutes of wireless in Heathrow… Since I’m going to Finland.

I’m hoping I don’t have the same situation that plagued my flights from Dar and Dubai…

children behind my seat kicking me in the back

Then when I’m like

Everyone acts like I did something wrong. Though I’m pretty much thinking