"As a deer longs for brooks of water, so does my soul long for You, O G-d"

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I Know, It's Psychological...

This is a picture of people walking. Because that is what I do. I know I've mentioned it before, but if you're going to get to know me better, you're going to have to really understand this.

I walk.

I walk when I've eaten too much and my stomach hurts. I walk when I need to shake myself out of a slothy, sluggish mood. I walk when I want to listen to my iPod. I walk when I don't have a car to drive. I walk when I just want to get away. I walk when I just want to get away from myself. I walk to feel more attractive. I walk to feel more spiritual. I walk when I cry. I walk when I'm bored. I walk when the weather is beautiful. I walk when it's snowing. I walk at night. I walk in the sun. I walk alone. I always walk alone.

I think you get the picture. Now, this makes me sound like a really athletic loner, but I'm not. Athletic, that is. Tee hee. Seriously, although I spoke in my last post about the more spiritual benefits of my walks, I have to mention the psychological ramifications as well. It's only fair.

I noticed it today, when I took a short walk to CVS after a great/horrible day at school. Unfortunately, I have those days all too often, since I teach one great class and one horrible class. Chas v' shalom that I'm saying my students are horrible, no, no, my teaching is. Yep, I admit it. Although I teach the same exact material to both classes, for one class I'm entertaining, clear, interesting, patient and understanding, and in the other class, I'm boring, incoherent, shrewish and dense (I should also add helpless). I'm still not sure how to fix this, and it really hurts me, it really does. So I wasn't in the best mood when I went for my walk. (Besides the negative stuff I just brought up, I'm dealing with some other sad/annoying issues, but I don't think we know each other well enough for me to go into them just yet.)

And as soon as my song shuffle landed on Les Miserables, my mood took a sharp swing in the downward direction. I'm telling you, I started frowning. The corners of my mouth turned down. I hate that. But then the strangest thing happened. The next song was Chevron by Mordechai Ben David -one of my favorite jewish musicmakers of all time. And even though I don't really know what most of the song means (I'm not an Ivrit teacher!), it plastered a smile on my face. If you were walking down my street today, you probably would have seen my smile- it was that big. Besides, it was still daytime. Anyway, go figure. Sometimes all you need to put yourself in a better mood is a walk. Sometimes you need a piece of chocolate. Sometimes you need a MBD song. Pick your poison-->pick your antidote.

Now it's nighttime, my time. I think I'll go for a walk.

Oh, if anyone knows what the song means, please comment or email it to me!

5 comments:

Hm, so what's the difference between the two classes? Is that one is before the other (so you're more prepared for the second, or conversely, that you're less excited by the material)? Is it that you "click" with one set of students more than with the other?

Hi stx- you came! First of all, I teach navi, and my schedule is different each day. But the "more difficult" class is larger than the other one, and i don't yet know all their names. so, it's totally possible that i'm just not comfortable with them yet, and i have to get to know them better. But that won't happen while they still don't take me seriously. uh.

dm- I'm always careful! I only walk in well-lit, public areas where there's other people, so don't worry about me. As to your other comment, I hope so!(although he may have to take turns if the book is really good)

real me-Yep-les mis is depressing, except for the songs that stir the blood in your veins and make you want to change the world. those are inspiring. The song chevron does dound strengthening and proud, but i don't know what the words mean. do you?