Monday, October 03, 2005

Top ten

10) I come up with hot-as-hell freestyle rhymes while I'm mowing the lawn. But can never recreate their brilliance when not behind a lawn-mower.

9) If you calculate my year's intake of ketchup, I eat close to FOUR GALLONS of the stuff. Wow. That's a lotta fuckin' sauce.

8) I came up with one of the most brilliant ways to get screwed up on a Monday-- "Monday Night Football: The Drinking Game". And I played it tonight. And Tuesday isn't going to be much fun. Someday, I'll share the rules with you guys.

7) It wasn't until a year after I started dating K that I realized "yes, girls really do poop."

6) I have a miniature bust of Abe Lincoln that I'm especially fond of:

I bring him with me to every musical performance I have. I don't know why. Sometimes I put him on the amplifier, sometimes I leave him in my bag. But Abe is always with me at my shows.

4) I was talking with my sister tonight, and got on the conversation of really embarrassing things we've said to people we were interested in while at college. My freshman year, I called this senior up who I was ga-ga over... I asked her what she was doing and she said, "Ah, just watching the Miss America pageant." I said, "Really? Who's winning?" As soon as I said it, I realized how dumb of a question it was. I never got the gall to ask her to the university pub. And she never talked to me again.

3) It wasn't until two years after I started dating K that I realized "yes, girls really do fart."

2) I have RIDICULOUSLY vivid dreams. I have this one reoccurring dream where my left hand is cut off by terrorists/assassins/my first grade teacher. And I wake up suddenly and after sleeping on my left arm for a few hours, it's fallen asleep. And I freak out because I have no feeling in my hand and I can't move it at all and truly believe that my left arm has been cut off and I'm never going to play guitar again. And then I realize that it's 3:40 in the morning and I'm gonna be worthless at work the next day.

1) I always think about how I ended up at the age of 27 and where I pictured myself ending up when I was a boy. I find myself looking in the mirror every morning and wondering, if I was 10 and could see me as I am now, what I would think of myself and what I have become.

And while I didn't become an astronaut or a doctor, I sure hope I would have been happy.