Zack: We're coming off two in a row for creepy D&D sex, Steve. Let's try not to make it a threepeat.

Steve: Our health teacher showed us this to convince us not to drink too much.

Zack: This is the varrdig of an alcoholic. Cirrhosis of the fluid brute.

Steve: Little son of a bitch is evil to boot. He's gonna scamper around on those chicken talons of his and then spray some creepy-tube water in your face.

Zack: I always wonder with monsters like this that are capable of human level intelligence: what do they do when they're not being a monster? The world of modern conveniences isn't really set up for a blob of jelly jammed full of chicken legs and garden hoses.

Steve: D&D was like the middle ages though. Not like modern conveniences. Think about how awful the middle ages were, dude. That world pretty much was set up for this dude.

Zack: Clicking across the cobblestones, hosing down the peasants with liquid cholera and typhoid.

Steve: Been a while since I read my Middle Ages book, but I'm pretty sure cholera and typhoid were like the foundation blocks of the food pyramid back then.

SA takes a look back at what our ancestors from the dawn of civilization clicked on THEIR computers!

About This Column

Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.