No Idea Anymore

It was like back in the time of WW1. They kept talking about it as this great big adventure; a chance to see Europe and the world.

Not some muddy trench full of blood and tears where you had little to no chance to survive but were going to be remembered by millions back home.

Lest we forget.

Okay, I’m sorry, that’s over the top that metaphor. But that is kind of how I’ve felt in relation to my uni experiences these past few weeks/years. A lot of people were talking up uni and how fun it is and the places I could go if I did well. My marks in English kind of supported their claims too. But I can’t pitch it to my parents like that, can I?

Now I have no idea what my future holds for me. But one thing that I do know is that I should stop buying things; namely food and fizzy drink. We’re not even half way through the year (let alone winter) and I’ve already put on at least 3 kg. At least. I’m even getting short of breath at the simplest of activities sometimes, *gulp*. My heart beats in irregular patterns and I’ve been thinking things that would upset people if they ever found out.

Last week, my sister and I had a conversation about how having a job has affected both our shopping habits. Her thought process goes a little like: “That’s like an hour’s pay, maybe next time”, and she walks away, the product still on shelf. Me on the other hand: “Hell, that’s like only an hour’s work. Yes, I’ll get it!”

It was this type of thought process that saw me spend over $60 at JB last Saturday, $25 on some Church cds I already had (I’ll explain later) and nearly $40 on purchases from eBay. Not to mention all the drinks, hot chips, Hot Wheels and vinyl I’ve bought in between which has seen my bank account go from a healthy $****, down to $**** (you didn’t think I was going to tell you how much I had, did you?)

If I had been doing well at uni, this wouldn’t concern me. I would merely say something like “I’m rewarding myself for all the good work that I’ve done and effort I’ve put in”. But I’m not doing well at uni, I have lost all motivation to be there, and with that goes the effort I put in. I haven’t even had work that much in the last month, so I’m falling even further into the red. And there’s an antique fair on this weekend just down the road from me. D’oh!

I did have a ‘light bulb’ moment the other day though. But it is still that at the moment, and I would be too surprised if it already exists, as I know similar products are out there.

I think I’ve figured something out too, but if I say if I’ll be branded nasty, nasty things which I don’t want even though they might prove my point. And I won’t be able to run that fast/far away without collapsing, so I really shouldn’t say it.

Why can’t I break these habits? Somebody help me, please. I beg of you.

Why do I get intimidated so easily? Oh, that’s right…..

But I shouldn’t really be complaining now, should I. There are people in Oklahoma who have lost everything. So ignore all of what I’ve just said.