Relationships

Husband asked for a divorce

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subychick1015 wrote:

Last night my husband told me that he wanted a divorce and for the most part its kind of mutual. We both love and care for each other we just are not in love. We dont want to settle and be miserable and end up resenting each other. The hard part is we have 2 daughters one is 2 and the other is 3 i moved cross country to live with him after we both got out of the army. My family is in Washington state and we are living in Rhode Island, he works full time as a plumber and i stay at home during the day work weekends part time and we both go to college at night. Im just not sure what the next step is he says that he will get an apartment for himself so that i can stay where we are. The problem with that is that we are living with his parents and i really don't want to make him move out of his childhood home and live with my in-laws by myself when half the time i can barely keep it together with my husband there with me. I just don't know what to do when i feel a little blind sided with this.

moving to Washington could be an option i just dont want to take the girls from him. and mainly money is the reason he would want to move out a 1 bedroom apartment is cheeper than a 2 or 3 bedroom apartment. my mother in law is our baby sitter and with going to school at night we dont get home until 1030 if i stay at the house then the girls schedule doesnt get as disturbed.

I'd try to stick it out with his family till you finish if it's only a year or so. I then would see if I could work full time and afford a place of my own. If not, I'd look into moving back towards my family and ask him to consider a move towards the west coast as well.

im going to be in school for a little over a year and i talked to my work about working full-time in a few months so that i can save up some money and find either a babysitter or a daycare that i can afford. im then going to most likely stay at my in-laws for a little bit so that i can get back on my feet. im not really sure that i want to move back close to home and take my children from everyone that they know. my husband and i still have a lot to talk about and work through but for the most part im pretty lucky that we are on a similar page at least.

im going to be in school for a little over a year and i talked to my work about working full-time in a few months so that i can save up some money and find either a babysitter or a daycare that i can afford. im then going to most likely stay at my in-laws for a little bit so that i can get back on my feet. im not really sure that i want to move back close to home and take my children from everyone that they know. my husband and i still have a lot to talk about and work through but for the most part im pretty lucky that we are on a similar page at least.

I live in Rhode Island too, Warwick, and I understand how expensive it is. It may be awkward, but I think sticking it out with his family a little while longer is the better option. The girls would be close to their father, and you have time to save up and finish school.

I'm so sorry OP. How long do you have left in school? Do you think DH would move back to the west coast to be near the girls?

As much as this sucks right now, it sounds like you're both making the right decision for yourselves. It's good that you'll still have the support of him and his family and that there are no hard feelings. Best of luck <3

I am so sorry to hear this. I know that marriage is hard and it sounds like you two are extremely busy and probably don't have any time together and have grown apart. I would strongly recommend trying some counseling first before you end it. Maybe they can help you both to recall what it is you both fell in love with each other to begin with, and since there is love there, maybe ways to help you cultivate what you have. Praying for you!!

Why can't you and your DH suck it up for the sake of your kids until you finish school and can get a place of your own? You said you both love and care for each other. Why not make your kids wellbeing more important than your need to date someone else. If he moves out, works and does night school when will he ever see his kids? IMO this sounds like a selfish situation.

I had parents "stick it out" for the kids and it was miserable. My brother and I hoped for a divorce. They didn't argue or fight in front of us it was a total lack of relationship, I would not wish that example on anybody else's kids.

It left me pretty *** up about relationships and I'm very lucky to have found an amazing husband who can let some of my crazy roll off his back.

thats exactly what he doesnt want, however he does want me to basically pretend everything is fine and normal for his family. while he gets to go off and act like he is single. at least that is how it seems to me.

Thats exactly what it sounds like to me! If you were to get an appt yourself that he would pay for you could always get a studio or a one bedroom and let the LO sleep in the bedroom and make the living room a bedroom/livingroom. At least you'd be out of there, but having a daycare in home is very helpful. If his family doesn't know about the divorce already it could get very uncomfortable under a roof alone with them when they find out.

Unfortunately that's not an answer from him. If it's important to him, he will find the time or make the the time. I would definitely try to work things out until you get out of the school and things are a little less stressful and then see where things are. Stress can make people feel like they are no longer in love just because they have no time. It sounded like you don't really fight and things aren't awful, just perhaps bored. I found this article on divorce that maybe will help give you both some direction. Prayers for you!!

thank you but he is pretty sure he wants a divorce and he has been thinking about it off and on since we moved to rhode island just about 2 years ago. our oldest was 6 months and i was about 4 months pregnant with our youngest he said that the time didnt feel right then. and he has been trying to figure out how to talk to me about this for 2 months from what he told me this morning. so im not sure if stress is really playing that big of a part in this but it still could be. ill defiantly read that article thank you for the kind words i need some positive light in my life right now.

The OP and her DH aren't your parents. OP lives with her in laws and her DH wants to move out and leave everyone else to take care of his family. This is the epitome of selfish. She said they still love and care for each other so why can't they live together peacefully (not romantically). Staying together for the kids until they finish school doesn't have to equate a loveless home; it can be a home filled with laughter, kindness and love.

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