'Love Island Australia' Episode 2 Recap: Kim Divides The Household

It’s the second morning in our Love Island mansion and Hurricane Kim has left a path of destruction in her wake. Last night the bikini model bounced into the house in a whirl of hair extensions, fake tan and excessively white teeth - the likes of which we haven’t seen since Britney’s Las Vegas residency.

Fortunately for us Kim is a flirty kind of gal, systematically going through each and every guy to decide which one will be her safest bet. It’s pretty darn easy when she has the ability to turn each of them into a blubbering pool of drool. The best Justin can come up with is ‘what’s your favourite colour?’ (Green) and ‘do you remember how oranges used to make your fingers smell?’ (Seriously what the hell?)

Kim’s Nokia 3310 beeps to tell her she has been gifted with not one, but two picnic dates for a chance to get to know a couple of the guys better. Later in the evening she will have to make her final choice - selecting the one guy she wants to couple up with - FYI they’re all taken so someone is gonna be pissed.

For her first date Kim chooses Josh - who is so clearly gobsmacked by her appearance that he steadily spews out word vomit over the course of 15 minutes whilst his eyes scan her body like a US airport customs officer. He says it’s clear she’s a down to earth girl (no glam shaming here but those eyebrows don’t exactly scream low maintenance) and he’s stoked she has a two year old son, even though he seems confused about which gender a son is and whether or not a two year old is considered to be a newborn.

Josh’s awkwardness eventually causes him to fade completely into the dirt and he is replaced by an equally awkward Charlie wearing the exact same outfit. Charlie also forgets how to speak. He tells her he’s excited about the red wine waiting for them because it’s his favourite… she says “really?” and he says “nah”. Girl, send him back to the house right now.

Love Island - Meet the Contestants1:00

The first round of 'sexy singles' for 9's Love Island have been revealed.

Back at camp, trouble is brewing between our girl crush Cassidy and Canberra tradie Josh. She insists they didn’t have sex last night but is in tears after feeling like they ‘went too far’. Which feels a lot like they had sex. Which she felt was going too far. She confesses her feelings to Josh and he’s actually quite sweet in reassuring her… until he goes upstairs to grab Tayla’s half naked form and play wrestle her in the shower. Ugh.

Monday night's couple status:

Natasha and Charlie

Nastasha is still annoyed that Charlie doesn’t have a boat. Charlie is annoyed that Natasha isn’t Kim. We don’t expect to see these two having a one-on-one conversation for the duration of this season.

Millie and Justin

Millie still has zero interest in Justin. Justin spends his diary room time in tears over both Millie and Tayla. He’s put himself out there and he’s getting nothing back. Someone is going to have to gently explain to him what ‘game’ is and how he should go about getting some - it’s not enough just to be really, really, really ridiculously good looking.

Erin and Eden

Unnervingly drama free. Eden was gung-ho for Kim the minute she dropped into view but it turns out Erin’s incantations have successfully bound him to her and her alone - Eden has decided that all hairdressers (including Kim) are crazy. Yet strangely, Erin appeared to be the most sane person in the house tonight. Spooky stuff.

Turns out Kim was charmed by Josh’s ‘I hang with newborns’ banter and decided she’d like to get to know him better. We’ve decided that Kim getting that butterfly shoulder tattoo was a better decision than coupling with Josh. If she lived on the Gold Coast he’d be keen to keep the home fires burning but there’s no way that guy is going to spend any time in Brisbane without being able to follow it up with a quick trip to the strip.

Cassidy and Grant… and Tayla

These two looked to be on a solid track after their night of passion but beauty queen Tayla was having none of it. Quickly realising she was about to lose her partner to Kim, Tayla confessed her ‘feelings’ to Grant - after explaining to those of us at home that when she really likes someone she doesn’t tell them - she waits for them to come to her instead. Tayla then proceeded to walk around the house in her underwear for the rest of the night. We smell a rat.