Bikini cricket unravelled

Just got home and checked my email. On the blog, I saw a Google advert for Bikini Cricket. “You’ve never seen cricket like this before!” it exclaims, although it surely deserved at least two exclamation marks. And given the dark days English cricket finds itself in at the moment, it’d be wrong to ignore such frivolity. Therefore, I present England’s answer to their wicketkeeping conundrum:

Don’t think I’m stopping there. Talking of stopping…

And who needs Trescothick? Here’s our new opener:

There’s even a video! Dear God, has it come to this? “No man knows till the time comes,” wrote Charles Dickens, “what depths are within him.”