Now They’re Just F*cking With Us…

Paris’ publicist, Elliot Mintz, has told TMZ that Britney “looks up to” Paris. I pray pray pray this is but the latest stage in some bored hoax that the Three Skanks of the Apocalypse have concocted to fight off ennui. Britney can’t be looking up to Paris. She can’t be sitting bitch as Paris and Lohan drag her down even further than when she was with that trifling scrub-ass who shall remain nameless. Otherwise, it’s totally evil and just too much and I’m putting garlic over my doors and praying for Brit.

It’s both delicious and diabolical, and it’s now official: Paris Hilton’s new pet project is none other than … Britney Spears.

Key word: diabolical.

Paris and Brit have been painting L.A. and Las Vegas all shades of red over the past couple of weeks, but according to Paris’ rep, Elliott Mintz, it’s more than just a passing fancy.

Shades of red…BLOOD RED.

More madness and photos after the jump.

He tells TMZ that the two are “really forming a bond” and that they’re “becoming like sisters.” Mintz says that the 24-year-old Spears “looks up to” the 25-year-old Paris and that she’s “extremely grateful” that Paris has taken her under her wing. Britney’s new post-K-Fed look — the barely-there skirts, the cleavage-baring tops — has been “inspired” by Paris, says Mintz.

Showing off your chocha in a “barely-there” skirt for the paparazzi’s cameras is mentioned in the Book of Revelations.

Brit and Paris are now comfortably ensconced at Britney’s house in Malibu, so they can have more quality time while Britney looks after her two boys. Paris acted like a seasoned pro as she maneuvered Brit through the paparazzi at a Hollywood Hills party last night.

She let her move in? Someone’s got to make like they did at Neverland and call the authorities.

If you thought that a Hilton-Spears alliance was going to rule the world, just wait for this triple threat: Britney, Paris … and Lindsay? Downplaying reports of a bitchfight between Lindsay Lohan and Paris on Saturday night, Mintz tells us that the three women have, in fact, created an alliance. “What I’ve observed is that we have three extraordinarily powerful women who generate a tremendous amount of attention, money, and adulation,” says Mintz, “and they’re tired of other people trying to ride on their coattails and creating false dramas.”

False dramas? FALSE DRAMAS? This is a true drama! This is Demi Moore being told by the lodger that her unborn baby is the Seventh Sign! This is Gregory Peck being told Damien’s mother was…wait for it…A JACKAL! These are the End TImes! I’m getting out my sandwich board and taking to the streets with pamphlets as we speak.

One thing that doesn’t ring true to me with these two is Britney “looking up” to Paris like she’s new to the scene or something. Britney has several successful albums under her belt, she’s done Pepsi commercials, has toured the world numerous times, and has two kids. In the past, I’d say she’s shown herself to be a worker. Paris doesn’t get out of bed before 4 p.m. and I doubt she flosses her own teeth. Something isn’t adding up here.