I've been struggling with not feeling that I want to call myself a Pagan; that somehow I missed the cultural boat. This boat feels like something I will never understand nor connect with. Yet, my religion is Wicca, and I am a Qabalist, ritualist, and magick worker. I never towed the feminist political line enough for the Goddess community, wasn't political enough for others communities either. I've always been missing the Pagan cultural "norm" boat!

I have finally come to a resolution for why I go into culture shock every time I go to a festival. I don't see Wicca, my religion, as a game and its certainly not something to mock or laugh at. Yet time and time again I meet Pagans with the audacity to laugh and sneer in the face of the Gods. I meet people who introduce themselves as Lady Twinkle Toes and are dressed like clowns. There seems to be acceptance in flamboyant, attention seeking behavior that to the rest of the world makes us look like we weren't allowed to play dress-up as kids.

I want our government to take my religion seriously. I want a respect and understanding among the families, Friends, park owners, co-workers, Masons, and neighbors in my community. I want the seats we seek on the Parliament of World Religions to be seats that are respected, and be positions with voice and gravity. How can our society take us seriously if we persist in presenting to the rest of the world like a joke and don't even take ourselves seriously? I don't even need to mention witches on reality TV shows.

On the surface, Paganism is freedom, freedom from guilt, sin, the strict confines of the mindless ranks of conservative society. So why not throw care unto the wind? Drink until you win an award for the most gruesome vomit! Leave all your regular medication at home so that you'll have the conscientious EMT's rushing you to the ER when you start having a major medical emergency. Don't eat, don't hydrate, and for Gods' sake run around naked all day in your Celtic-skinned red-headedness without sunscreen! It would but funny, only if I actually were exaggerating.

We say that we are a religion that lives the value of personal responsibility. We say that we seek balance and the mastery and integration of the parts of our being. How can it be that we are so bored, suppressed, or alone in our every day lives that we must make cartoonish spectacles of ourselves when we get together to learn and worship?

I like a raucous party as much as the next person. When it's time to party, I let my hair down and pull the stops out. But my point is that worshipping, doing important magickal work, and studying, is not the same thing or the same time as a party. "What is your intent" is the constantly echoed question for planning ritual. If my intent is to party, then I should throw a party, not have a ritual. When I plan a ritual, it's time to get some magickal work done.

I meet people that insist on wearing all black and gigantic pentacles to their jobs run by conservative religious groups (other religions mind you) , preach forced "acceptance" of their religion as part of their freedom of religion. These same people are flabbergasted when they are disliked at their jobs and are then fired. If we create a hostile work environment and scare people, what do we suspect?

Our religion may be in its early stages, but it's time for each one of us to grow up and think about our actions. My religion is not a game, not a circus, and I do not want to be seen like a clown. I worry about grouping myself with the same label with people who, because they are more colorful and flamboyant, are more seen by the media and the greater society. Those same people wind up being spokespeople for the whole community. The result is that society doesn’t take us seriously or outright disrespects us because they wind up with no common ground for understanding.

Is there a solution to this labeling issue? I don't know. It makes it harder and harder as this movement grows for serious seekers to find the heart of the real stuff past the layers and layers of sugarcoated fluff. I fear a dilution of the availability of magickal training opportunities as time progresses. I am led back to a qabalistic image of the shining spark concealed within and hidden. This means several things, foremost that the eternal spark of spirit within every person's mortal, physical body. In this instance though, I think it could shed some light that the spark of truth and real magick is buried beneath the extraneous layers of fluff and distraction. Even the meaning of esoteric is hidden.

To those wondering if there is more, there is. Follow your nose and keep searching. You'll find it in connection beyond words. You'll find it in your own cry out to the Gods. You'll find it in the exact moment of the solstices and equinoxes. You'll find it in the voice of that hidden spark calling to you in the dark of the moon.

Such part of me that wishes for decorum and for actions and interactions to makes sense wants to go underground. My coven could work quietly in hiding to the betterment of the individuals within our small population. We won't though for we are all ready hidden within the meaningless hullabaloo swarming about already.

What is your intent? What are you seeking? A party? A club? Experiences? What about magick, wholeness, power, gnosis, connection, life purpose? It's all there. Know your intent and stay true to that which you seek. You will find it, hidden and tarnished, water stained, and rusted beneath the layers of fluff. A little bit of polish will let that spark of truth and magick shine through. Don't give up. You're not alone out there.

ABOUT... Maggi Setti

Location: Haines City, FloridaWebsite: htttp://lettinggoisflying.blogspot.comAuthor's Profile: To learn more about Maggi Setti - Click HERE Bio: Maggi Setti, a Third Degree High Priestess within the Assembly of the Sacred Wheel and the High Priestess, for Order of the World Tree, an Assembly coven in Northern NJ. http://owt.sacredwheel.org. She has been a member of the ASW for 9 years. Her interests and specialties include Qabala, Tarot, aspecting, nature devas, the Celtic pantheon, gardening, scrying, shadow work, sacred dreaming, martial arts and warriorship, and women's mysteries and empowerment. Her writings can be found at http://lettinggoisflying.blogspot.com and at http://Witchvox.org. Her first book is titled Ecstasy in Shadows and is now available for pre-order.

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