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Chapter 29: Lemmings and Hosepipes

And many of the lemmings of the Remainder found Donnar Eed's Vacuum of Might.

"Wow!" they said, "That is a Big Sucker!" And many gathered 'Round.

One of the lemmings (either Ernest or Reynaldo) noted something about the amazing Object.

"This Thing expels gas! Therefore..."

".. IT MUST BE A LEMMING!" the rest of them cried.

Whereupon they conceived of the plan to rescue their brother from the auslemmingisch Donnar. And it came to pass that while Donnar Eed was Distracted by doing her Cooking Thing for the Great Pterodactyl, the Vacuum of Might was scurried out the Back Door on a multitude of lemmings.

They dashed forth from the Adobe of D.E. and ran and ran, until they found themselves totally Lost. They knocked at a door to ask Directions, and it turned out to be the door of an abbey of the Priests of Salk.

A cry of joy came from within, for it was the very abbey in which lived the priest, Bertram. "Bagpipes!" he bellowed. "I vowed to learn how to play these! Which end do you blow into, anyway?" And he carried it off to his cell, leaving the confused and exhausted lemmings in the abbey's foyer. "Well, I guess he knows the Guy," they rationalized and struck up a fresh Game of Canasta.

All through the time that D.E. and G.P. were having Their Meal, Bertram tried and tried to play the Vacuum of Might. He polished it inside and out with the Soap onna Rope given to him by the Clot of Incontinence. Try as he could, no bagpipish sounds Spilled Forth from the Gadget. So he fell asleep.

From all these Attentions, the Vacuum of Might was forever Transformed. It had become the Vacuum of Might Not. But at least It didn't suck, to such a Great Extent.