How can you ride drinking wine to stardom?

There was never any possibility of using another beverage (“I hate tequila, so I won’t do Tequila Tuesday”), but “I don’t like particularly like wine either,” he said. (He told the New York Times last month that some fans get upset when they spot him ordering beer.) Wine is strong enough to get him into character, but not enough to knock him flat, he said. He really is getting drunk in those videos, though.

“Whine About It” films on Monday afternoons, so Bellassai still needs to get through the rest of the day. His 35-episode run of day-drinking does have its perks: “I think people expect me to be more not-together afterwards, and I don’t know if this is a good thing, but I am now quite able to function after drinking a full bottle of wine.”

One thing: It might need to be self-directed. “I’m a total diva,” said Bellassai, who edits every episode himself. “I like to control my face, so I need to know exactly what terrible faces to cut out.” Still, the absolute worst thing about the studio system is waiting for studios to get a move on, so RedEye presents, in his own words, the cast we deserve for Thirst: The Matt Bellassai Story.