the end was just the beginning

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Is my bubble about to burst?

It’s so, so wonderful how well my kids have coped with their parents separating. But I can’t help thinking: am I living in a bubble that’s about to burst?

My kids haven’t hit puberty yet. When those hormones start surging will they suddenly become angry about their mum and dad not being together and the fact they have to live in two homes.

Or am through the worst? If they’ve survived the first year without (visible) trauma, do they stay that way?

My ex and I have done everything we can to make things easier for the kids. We are friendly, we never argue in front of them (it’s been a loooong time since we’ve argued full stop), we still do occasional stuff together as a family, we show enough trust to have sets of keys to each other’s houses/cars so we can grab stuff we’ve forgotten in the change-over rush.

I worried the kids would get upset about us both dating other people, but they seem oddly fine with that too. The youngest will casually drop into conversation stuff she’s done with my ex’s partner like it’s no big deal. And she seems perfectly fine about the child of my ex’s partner tagging along to activities with them.

You’re probably thinking: that sounds great, what the hell is she fretting about?

It is great. But is it normal? How can I tell if they’re really OK with it all?

I don’t want to ask too many questions because I don’t want to put them on the spot. I mean, why rock the boat when it’s sailing so smoothly?

I know, I know, I’m overthinking it all waaaaay too much. But it’s the two most precious creatures in the world to me that we’re talking about.

I want them to grow up happy, well-adjusted, loving human beings who have great relationships with both their parents. And I want them to know that no matter what happens we will always love them more than anything or anyone.

I get the feeling they know that when they hug me tight at bedtime.

I hope I’m right.

As a parent you want to protect your kids from the slings and arrows of the outrageous world. Yet we threw them right into the centre of the marriage breakdown maelstrom.

One day … when they’re older, wiser … I’ll tell them how much it meant to me that they were so happy and loving and strong.

And how their happiness and love kept me strong when it felt like my world was held together with sticky tape and string.

You’re right. You’re overthinking it. And I totally understand it because they’re so precious to you. You’re an amazing Mum and if things start to go awry you’ll see it and you’ll deal with it when it happens. You’re lucky that your ex and you are both on the same page as far as your kids are concerned. My sister and her ex (her ex really) have often worked at cross-purposes and that’s been really hard on her but her kids are surprisingly unscathed – and they’re well into their teenage years. Kids are incredibly resilient.