The real excitement here will come when these two twosomes encounter each other, since Dawn is of course the daughter of the man whose relationship with Iris is currently “on a break.” I imagine the two women’s eyes locking across the room, and both of them wordlessly assuring each other that what happens at Disco Night at Santa Royale’s second-most popular all-ages club while Wilbur is in Antarctica stays at Disco Night at Santa Royale’s second-most popular all-ages club while Wilbur is in Antarctica.

Mark Trail, 1/17/17

Oh good, it looks like Mark’s going to spend the week after the end of the volcano storyline explaining away all of said storyline’s logical inconsistencies! Tomorrow we’ll tackle “volcanic atolls are inevitably extinct,” Thursday will be for “the active front of the volcanic Hawaiian range is southeast of the Big Island, hundreds of miles from Kauai,” Friday we can do “what was the deal with that temple, anyway,” and then we can spend the weekend discussing Woods & Wildlife Magazine’s revenue model.

Judge Parker, 1/17/17

Oh, right, this whole thing started when Sophie tried to seduce Derek by taking guitar lessons from him, didn’t it? Anyway, this Judge Parker storyline should be a lesson to teens everywhere: your so-called “rock star” heroes make playing the guitar look cool, but in fact learning to play will inevitably lead to your mysterious kidnapping. Stay in school, kids!