Many physicists today postulate the existence of multiple universes, even when sober. We used to live in a world of infinite possibilities. Now we live in an infinite number of worlds. India shines. Democracy thrives. The economy booms. A hundred flyovers bloom. This is not that India. If you see your picture here one day, don’t worry. That’s not you.

SWISS ECONOMY COLLAPSES AFTER PAWAR OPTS OUT OF SPECTRUM PANEL

Several Swiss bankers drowned themselves in Lake Geneva after learning that respected heavyweight Sharad Pawar has opted out of India’s Spectrum Allocation Panel. Slated to be the biggest money-making opportunity in India in the month of July, Pawar’s actions have left well-wishers aghast. Questions have been raised about his sanity, in very soft voices. “He has had a long and glorious innings,” said one expert, “But it looks like that razor-sharp brain is no longer what it was.”

Swiss sources denied that Pawar had taken this step because the banks are full. “We created another basement specially for him,” said one weeping customer relations executive. “Now all I hear are my footsteps echoing in an empty hall.”

The Swiss prime minister, who chose to remain anonymous, has advised against panic. “Our fundamentals remain strong,” he said, “As do those of Mr Pawar.”