Obama Sequestered

Earlier today, the President was rushed to a nearby child care center after reportedly turning blue in the face before falling to the ground unconscious. Those on the scene said he was following through on a threat to hold his breath until all the other kids in the crowd gave him all of their toys. Apparently the crowd had decided that enough was enough and having heard the same threat umpteen times in the past decided to let him go ahead and do it.

Below is a transcript for a video which captured a very brief exchange after the President was transported to a nearby child care center.

Man in blue shirt: “What’s the point? It’s fairly obvious that he’s never going to have enough of our stuff, and yet every year he asks for more. I don’t feel bad about calling his bluff, but I do have to wonder if he’ll actually burn everything to the ground just to punish us for letting him do it.”

Woman in red: “I seen it before, Last time I saw him he put his arm behind his back and twisted it while yelling at the crowd not to make him do it.”

Man walking by: “It was crazy! The man was twisting his own arm and blaming the crowd for what was happening. It’s like he thought we’d fall for it.”

Man walking off, “Some did.”

Update:

According to a high ranking White House official, after having his vital signs checked at the center, the President is now on a time out. Neither he, nor anyone in the center, is in any immediate danger. Worried parents of the children at the center have been assured that all possible precautions have been taken to ensure that no child’s possessions will be confiscated for any purpose unless one of the President’s advisors deems it to be absolutely necessary. Very strong statements were made by the President’s spokesman denying reports that a number of Executive Orders were under consideration which would allow for limited redistribution of the toys, but only if “absolutely necessary”. He went on to assure all those present that the Constitution is still the law of the land and unless the President was “pretty sure” he could get away with ignoring it that would be the situation until he presents his new version for ratification.

Asked about the situation, a recently elected Republican Congressman was quoted as saying that the “holding my breath until I pass out unless you give me all of your toys” threat will no longer meet with much success when applied to Congress. On the other hand, he wasn’t so sure about the, “I’ll destroy myself along with the country and blame everyone else if you don’t give me what I want”, threat.

“He’s done it.” The Congressman stated firmly, “He turned blue. He passed out. His only recourse now is to act like an adult and sit at the adult table. We’ve witnessed his temper tantrums. He’s held his breath. Will he really cut off his nose to spite his face? Even a child knows better than to destroy the house that provides him with shelter.”

Interviewer: Dr. Worried, any comment on today’s events? I don’t know if you’ve heard, but a number of members of Congress also ended up on time out after they passed out from holding their breath.

Dr. Worried: Yes, and this kind of behavior is very worrisome. The real problem is that it has been allowed to go on for so long. The first rule of child rearing is not to reward bad behavior. Here we have a situation where a virtual gang of children has been stealing the toys of other children for quite some time now and the longer it goes on the more children who are enticed into joining the gang themselves. If you couple that with the tendency to further reward those who threaten to engage in self-destructive behavior and what we are really observing is a total abdication of responsibility on the part of the parents and administrators.

When children threaten to harm themselves or others the best thing to do is isolate them as much as possible while at the same time keeping them under observation. It is never a good idea to submit to this kind of threat in the first place, as all it does is teach the child to use the same tactic in the future. When children threaten to destroy the possessions of others unless they get what they want they’ve already crossed into really dangerous territory and should be considered a threat to all those around them. If this group becomes too large their activities can become extremely disruptive.

The problem is that once they see that they can get what they want by threatening to destroy themselves and everyone around them, the cost of stopping them becomes exponentially higher. Every dispute almost invariably escalates into a crisis and this escalation is extremely rapid. Most of us know how to work with others, but these people are not satisfied until they have all the toys. If they don’t get their way they hold their breath and blame everyone else for the outcome. If that doesn’t work, they become so enraged that they become irrational. They would just as soon destroy everything as allow you to have anything. No longer are they satisfied with taking some of your toys for their own use, now they simply wish to destroy all the toys beginning with your favorites and, if and when they succeed, they look up at you and yell, “See what you made me do?”

Interviewer: Truly bizarre. Any further comments?

Dr. Worried: Yes, but the prognosis is not good. Power can be very persuasive and as a result many of those you might think would see through the façade end up attempting to curry favor with the bully by blaming the victim right along with him.

Interviewer: How come?

Dr. Worried: In some cases it’s a valid response. If you don’t see the “victims” as being strong enough to fight off the bully you erroneously begin to believe that as long as you keep your head down and claim to support the bully you’ll get to keep your possessions. Maybe even get more.

Interviewer: Still….

Dr. Worried: Yes, the problem is that there is always more stuff in the world and that the bully won’t stop until he has it. Of course the other problem is that long before he has it all he will have destroyed most of it along with any chance of producing any more.

Interviewer: Sounds a bit depressing.

Dr. I.M.Worried: It is. They start out with two groups supporting them and generally neither group has many members. In the beginning most of their support comes from the group whose members really don’t have much of their own. They may have some personal toys which later are augmented by the ones that they receive as supporters of the bully. They continue to envy those who have more and enjoy the benefits of being in the gang.

The other group is the one we’ve already mentioned. Rather than stand up to the bully, it seems more cost efficient in the beginning to simply pay him off. Once again, those who speak out against the bully and his gang are blamed for the losses they incur personally and even more so for those losses that the group ends up experiences. They simply fail to see that the more a behavior is rewarded the more of it that occurs.

The inevitable result of attempting to avoid conflict with those for whom they may even originally have had a bit of sympathy is that the bully group has no sympathy for them. The gangs get stronger and stronger until there is no longer any question of being able to live in close proximity. Now the choice becomes to either stand and fight or leave whatever possessions are left they and move to some other location. In the end there is either no longer anything left or a small group of the leadership lives in relative splendor amidst the remnants of what once was.

Interviewer: “Whew, thank you sir for your insights.

Protest update:

Today, parents of the “blue children” staged a massive protest.

“How dare they?”, One angry parent reportedly asked another blue baby parent, “They could easily have prevented this whole situation by giving them those other kid’s toys.”

Another parent on her cell phone to an attorney was overheard to exclaim, “I want to sue every kid who forced mine to hold his breath until he turned blue in the face. What is this world coming to when kids are so uncaring and unfeeling that they don’t cave in the face of this kind of pressure? Mark my words, those kids are going to be sorry. As the President said, if they don’t give him all the toys he wants, he’ll make sure that nobody has any toys at all.”

When this reporter asked why the blue children couldn’t make do with the toys already owned by the childcare centers several parents muttered under their breath that, “it simply isn’t fair. If some parent wants to buy a toy for his own child he needs to realize that he needs to buy the same toy for every other child as well.”

Late news…

The President and his friends in Congress have been released from time out and are now all holding their breath threatening to turn blue and take away everyone else’s toys unless their demands are met.

Remember, it’s your fault if they are forced to follow through on their threat.