Young Men Certain iPhone Measure App Coming Up Short By ‘At Least 2 Inches’

To their complete outrage, hundreds of young men have found that their 8 inch long penises, when measured with the new iPhone “Measure” app, are being displayed as just 5 1/2 inches.

“It’s ridiculous. Everything else measures perfecting, but when I measure my dick it’s just wrong,” said one user in a review of the app, posted just hours after the launch. “It’s gotta be the camera angle. It’s much longer in person, trust me.”

Apple has received hundreds of similar complaints from men across the United States, mostly white, who believe the app isn’t accurately measuring their [actually small] penis.

“We are currently testing the app on several penises to see what the issue might be, and hope to have an update rolled out in the next few weeks,” tweeted Apple Support. “Until then, please measure just the width of your dicks. You’ll be pleasantly surprised; it’s wider than you thought.”