Feelings about my bf's ex wife

To anyone who reads this, I just want an honest opinion. I've really been struggling with some issues with my bf's ex wife and need to learn how to deal with it.

My bf and her have an 11 year old daughter and have joint custody, so unfortunately this means we both have to deal with her, and keeps things civil for their daughter. Overall, I feel like everyone tries their best to be nice, she is friendly to me, but there are times I feel she crosses the line. Since they have joint custody they are always making trips back and forth to drop her off either at our home, or her mother's place.

The other day she (ex wife) calls me because they needed to stop by and get her soccer clothes before a game. I text her, and let her know that is fine. The game was at 5:30, she said they would come about 4:50. So it's 4pm and I'm breastfeeding my bf and I's 6 month old when I hear someone come in the front door. For one it scared me, (wondering who was entering our home) and 2 our bedroom door was wide open while I was nursing. So I had to stop our baby from nursing and get up to see who was coming. I go to the front door to find ex wife letting herself into our house. I said "I thought you were coming at 4:50?" She knew by my tone I wasn't too happy. She said there was a change of plans. i said " well all you have to do is call me" she replied "i know, I thought i would bother you more by calling" ok?? i was thinking. doesn't make much sense to me. bothering someone is entering their home early, and without any notice.

To sum everything up whenever my bf drops his daughter off at her mothers, he always has the respect to knock and not just enter her home. When she is dropping her daughter off at our house, there are numerous times she puts the key in the door and lets herself in. I don't think thats right, itleast in my mind it isn't.I find it to be rude. This has been bothering me for awhile, but it really fueled the fire when she came an hour early and let herself in without even letting me know. My bf gave ex wife a key to our house long ago, he feels like she needs it because of their daughter. So that's it. And It really pisses me off.

Any advice would be appreciated thanks!

To anyone who reads this, I just want an honest opinion. I've really been struggling with some issues with my bf's ex wife and need to learn how to deal with it.

My bf and her have an 11 year old daughter and have joint custody, so unfortunately this means we both have to deal with her, and keeps things civil for their daughter. Overall, I feel like everyone tries their best to be nice, she is friendly to me, but there are times I feel she crosses the line. Since they have joint custody they are always making trips back and forth to drop her off either at our home, or her mother's place.

The other day she (ex wife) calls me because they needed to stop by and get her soccer clothes before a game. I text her, and let her know that is fine. The game was at 5:30, she said they would come about 4:50. So it's 4pm and I'm breastfeeding my bf and I's 6 month old when I hear someone come in the front door. For one it scared me, (wondering who was entering our home) and 2 our bedroom door was wide open while I was nursing. So I had to stop our baby from nursing and get up to see who was coming. I go to the front door to find ex wife letting herself into our house. I said "I thought you were coming at 4:50?" She knew by my tone I wasn't too happy. She said there was a change of plans. i said " well all you have to do is call me" she replied "i know, I thought i would bother you more by calling" ok?? i was thinking. doesn't make much sense to me. bothering someone is entering their home early, and without any notice.

To sum everything up whenever my bf drops his daughter off at her mothers, he always has the respect to knock and not just enter her home. When she is dropping her daughter off at our house, there are numerous times she puts the key in the door and lets herself in. I don't think thats right, itleast in my mind it isn't.I find it to be rude. This has been bothering me for awhile, but it really fueled the fire when she came an hour early and let herself in without even letting me know. My bf gave ex wife a key to our house long ago, he feels like she needs it because of their daughter. So that's it. And It really pisses me off.

You need to be careful about involving yourself in this situation. You are essentially the step parent and have limited say in the situation. I have a blended family and that is why I say this.

HOWEVER with that being said, you do or should have a say on the house. Your boyfriend is trying to be a responsible parent and that is understand and respectful. He is right about knocking before entering. Thus the ex-wife should as well. It is not her home and she needs to have that boundary expressed to her. It needs to be made clear that the intention of being given a key was to retrieve or drop of their daughter only, not to make herself at home or anything of that sort.

You are going to need the BF on the same page as you, tell him you feel it is an invasion of privacy etc. The have him approach the situation with as much tact as possible - then and only then if he doesn't you need to.

You need to be careful about involving yourself in this situation. You are essentially the step parent and have limited say in the situation. I have a blended family and that is why I say this.

HOWEVER with that being said, you do or should have a say on the house. Your boyfriend is trying to be a responsible parent and that is understand and respectful. He is right about knocking before entering. Thus the ex-wife should as well. It is not her home and she needs to have that boundary expressed to her. It needs to be made clear that the intention of being given a key was to retrieve or drop of their daughter only, not to make herself at home or anything of that sort.

You are going to need the BF on the same page as you, tell him you feel it is an invasion of privacy etc. The have him approach the situation with as much tact as possible - then and only then if he doesn't you need to.

Thanks you for your advice, I really needed it. If he decides he's not going to talk to her about it then I will have to do it. I wish I could e-mail, or write her a note about it. I feel like confronting her in person would make me forgot everything I need to say. I don't know?

Thanks you for your advice, I really needed it. If he decides he's not going to talk to her about it then I will have to do it. I wish I could e-mail, or write her a note about it. I feel like confronting her in person would make me forgot everything I need to say. I don't know?

No problem. I personally don't think that writing it down is good for you to give to her. Maybe some short notes for you to keep for yourself for when you talk to her. IF it comes to that. Because for 1 it is impersonal and could give an immature impression to her (which you don't want of course) and second a respect thing, giving her the same that you expect in return. I hope it works out for you, dealing with a mixed family situation is always difficult. It took my ex husband and our current spouses a few years to get it settled properly.

No problem. I personally don't think that writing it down is good for you to give to her. Maybe some short notes for you to keep for yourself for when you talk to her. IF it comes to that. Because for 1 it is impersonal and could give an immature impression to her (which you don't want of course) and second a respect thing, giving her the same that you expect in return. I hope it works out for you, dealing with a mixed family situation is always difficult. It took my ex husband and our current spouses a few years to get it settled properly.

i dont think there&#39;s any reason for the ex wife to have a key to your house to begin with. that would be the first thing i changed. i understand that she has a child with your boyfriend, but that gives her no right to act like that. its just rude, maybe aÂ longÂ talk about boundries would do some good. talk to your boyfriend about it too because i dont think its right that he sits back and just watches as stuff like that goes on.

i dont think there&#39;s any reason for the ex wife to have a key to your house to begin with. that would be the first thing i changed. i understand that she has a child with your boyfriend, but that gives her no right to act like that. its just rude, maybe aÂ longÂ talk about boundries would do some good. talk to your boyfriend about it too because i dont think its right that he sits back and just watches as stuff like that goes on.

i agree with you! there's absolutely NO reason for her to have a key. If she need to pick up their daughter, then one of you needs to be there. What happens when you aren't there? she lost rights to that acces when she lost the husband.

now enforcing that is going to be tough. I would bring it up with BOTH of you there and give her NO warning (so she can't get a copy) Do you have keys to her house? That is taking liberties in my opinion.

i agree with you! there's absolutely NO reason for her to have a key. If she need to pick up their daughter, then one of you needs to be there. What happens when you aren't there? she lost rights to that acces when she lost the husband.

now enforcing that is going to be tough. I would bring it up with BOTH of you there and give her NO warning (so she can't get a copy) Do you have keys to her house? That is taking liberties in my opinion.

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