Let’s talk

23 June 2014

My posts have mostly been about specific places or things, and I thought I’d it’d be a nice change to have a change and just… talk. Talk about what I think, what I feel… basically stuff that has been on my mind.

This is mostly inspired by Fu, who started his own blog today! (Well technically, he requested for me to start a blog for him, and I set everything up for him. But yeah, you get the idea.)

I was quite surprised he even thought of starting a blog. He’s not fond of languages, unless you mean Java, C++. Php and all their extended families. He doesn’t like writing, unless it’s code.

When I first knew him that many years ago, he ONLY spoke mandarin to me. (Btw, I take complete credit for his current competency in the English language.)

If I told his old self he would start writing (in English, no less) someday, he would probably have snorted and asked what I’m high on lol.

He did say that it was partly because I looked like I was having a lot of fun writing my blog posts, so he wanted to try it too lol. That, and that he wanted to keep a record of his current thoughts and perceptions since he feels he changed quite significantly over the years. Hmmm, that sounds like something I should do more too…

In any case, although it’s quite a surprise for him to initiate writing, I’m rather looking forward to see how it progresses! ;D

But enough of the inspiration story. For all I know it’s just something that possessed him today and his blog will forevermore only have that one initial post haha.

Back to the topic at hand.

Lately I feel like a person who is living like she’s dying.

And I say that in a very good way.

Because it’s true isn’t it? We all have a finite number of days on earth, whether or not we are conscious of that fact.

Not sure if it’s age, or perhaps… wisdom? (I could hope!) Perhaps it could be that after moving to Japan I had a lot more time to think about things and connect with myself…?

The truth is in recent days, I feel the realness of my mortality more closely than ever before, and it has constantly been on my mind.

Constantly.

Due to that, I feel like my inner configuration is constantly set at the “LIVE LIFE!” mode. Haha.

Living is different from existing.

I really feel very happy and content right now. I feel that life is so exciting and there are just so many things to experience, so many things to learn about, so many possibilities. At the risk of sounding like some cheesy cliche song lyrics… It’s really great to be alive!

If you’re thinking, “Yeah yeah. You’re not working and have all the time to do whatever you want to. Of course you’re happy. Who wouldn’t be?!” then you’re sadly mistaken.

Not everyone in the same situation feels the same way. I know of many other people just like me, not having to work and being a “tai tai” (although I have to qualify that I’m not one). But they’re not happy. They have no idea what to do with all the time they have been given and they are bored everyday, bored with life. In their case, they are merely existing. I feel a little sad when I see people like that.

The people that I admire the most are those who live their lives on their own terms, who love and live life fiercely and passionately. If they truly desire something, they have the courage to pursue it. If they dislike something, they are not afraid to take the step to change it.

Of course, this is to be balanced with common sense la. We can’t have a father going off to gamble and take on debt after debt just because he believes he will one day strike it rich or that he’ll be the next king of gamblers, while his children are thrown out of their house that has been compounded and starving on the streets -_-

If you were told you have a month left, what would you do? Would there be no change in your attitude towards life, right up to your very last day? If so, you are a most enviable person.

That is the kind of person that I hope to be. That I will not have little regrets about the way I lived. That I was not pursuing and wasting my effort on things and people that don’t matter. That I can proudly and bravely go.

For me right now, living means to witness, to feel, to love, to learn, to experience as many things as I possibly can with the little time I have. I think I’ve been doing it extremely well lately, seeing as I’m positively bursting with experiences to write about, but simply not having the time to sit down and write them all out.

That’s perhaps my only small regret. But it’s ok, since I have the best justification possible.

5 Comments

esp.
“If you were told you have a month left, what would you do? Would there be no change in your attitude towards life, right up to your very last day? If so, you are a most enviable person.”

Reminds me of Steve Jobs’ quote,
“I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’, for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”http://simple.wikiquote.org/wiki/Steve_Jobs