It’s Damaging to Love Your Son as Your Man.

(ThySistas.com) As mothers it’s only natural to love, and be protective of, your children. Just as there is a special bond between fathers and daughters…the same can be said for sons and mothers. When the bond with our sons is healthy we are a blessing, and immeasurable amount of wisdom, to their life. However, if we are not careful we (married or single) can make the drastic mistake of seating our sons in the position of their father or our significant other. If we are not careful we will force adult responsibilities, and obligations on our sons in a way that applies unnecessary burden. Furthermore, we don’t want to stifle our relationship with them once they become men.

When our sons love us unconditionally it is a beautiful thing but when they are minors we must keep their age and development in mind. If we are married they should not be privy to our thoughts and discussions on adult matters…especially their father. We must deal in that area as women, and not allow our sons to be pit against their fathers because we choose to use them as our confidants. We must remember they are minors. Furthermore, if we are single moms (for whatever reason) our sons ought not be privy to the details of our personal life. Yes, they are the man child in the house…but they are NOT the man of the house.

They should not be forced to carry that weight before their time. It’s one thing to teach our sons responsibility, but we must remember we are the adult in the house. It is the nature of our sons to be protective of their mother and siblings. This is not a negative quality, but it can be misguided when they are treated like, and given, the authority of a grown man. We are not encouraging our sons in their academic, and passions to one day take care of us. We ought to be training, rearing and encouraging our sons to be successful for themselves, and their future. It is wise to remember the young boy we are raising will one day be someone’s husband and father.

It will be very hard for our son to be a competent husband one day if they are married to their mother. I know this is a touchy area, and many believe that no woman will ever be good enough for their son. We must keep in mind the way that made us feel as women. Some women that are married battle with their mother-in-laws on this very issue. They find it hard when their husband tells his mom everything that is personal, or the well being of his mother supersedes his obligations to his very own family. Some wives have had the unfortunate experience of dealing with mothers that manipulate their sons, and the wife suffers. Ladies, if we know this we must break the cycle. It is important to raise strong young men that can stand on their own feet with solid values.

We must produce men that can think for themselves, and make sound decisions. When we have done this we can give advice, and impart wisdom but we must let them live. We never want to put ourselves in a position to have a strained relationship with our son, because we wrongfully mistreat the woman he chose to be his wife. Strong men protect and defend their homes; this includes their Queen which is rightfully their wife. We must allow our sons the room to grow, make choices, and build a family. This building, and expanding, of family is a beautiful this my sistahs. We gain daughters, and beautiful grandchildren that we get to love and cherish. When we allow our sons to be their own men instead of our men we hold them accountable for being strong men. In this sense we validate the strength that will be the foundation of the family they will build.

Trust me sistahs your son is not capable of being our man. When he is young if your decision making is off it could get him hurt, or killed, trying to defend you when you needed to be the adult in the situation. When you make him your man adult pressure is applied to a child. Lastly, you risk stifling his ability to flourish, and embark on creating his own family. I am so grateful that my husband’s mom embraced me like a daughter verse an in law that wasn’t good enough for her son. Because of her kindness I am always willing to go the extra mile for her. She didn’t lose a son…she gained a daughter.

As a mother I love my son dearly, and one day he will be a strong man and make some woman very happy. I look forward to gaining a daughter through him. We must always be mindful not to live through our children. Your son will always be your son…he will always love you. It’s important to let him be a minor for as long as he can while he is learning how to be a strong competent man. Let him learn how to love a woman from watching you be the embodiment or class and grace. When he is a man with a solid foundation…he will thank you.