Xena: People are too quick to go for their sword. It should always be the last resort.

Gabrielle: I don't want to learn to kill. I want to learn to survive.

Xena: All right. The rules of survival. Number one: if you can run, run. Number two: if you can't run...surrender, and then run. Number three: if you are outnumbered, let them fight each other...while you run. Number four...

Gabrielle: Wait. More running?

Xena: No. Four is where you talk your way out of it, and I know you can do that. It's wisdom before weapons, Gabrielle.

Xena: Don't confuse defending yourself with using a weapon. When you pull a sword you have to be ready to kill.

Xena: The first time you pick up a sword, you become a target. And the moment you kill...everything changes. Everything.

Gabrielle: You're waiting for the right moment to say I told you so, aren't you?

Xena: Nope. I'm waiting for you to say it for me.

Gabrielle: Hah!...It's not like your breasts aren't dangerous enough.

Xena: See how calm the surface of the water is. That was me once. And then....(throws the rock in)....the water ripples and

churns. That's what I became.

Gabrielle: But if we sit here long enough it will go back to being still again. You'll go back to being calm.

Xena: But the stone's still under there. It's now a part of the lake. It might look as it did before but it's forever changed.

Gabrielle: You’re not much for girl talk are you? (Xena draws her sword.) Of course you’re not like most girls.

Xena: Gabrielle wants to go to an Academy for Bards in Athens. Make sure she gets there.

Gabrielle: Once, a long, long time ago, all people had four legs and two heads. And then, the Gods threw down thunderbolts, and split everyone into two. Each half then had two legs, and one head. But the separation left both sides with a desperate yearning to be reunited, because they shared the same soul. And ever since then, all people spend their lives searching for the other half of their soul.

Petrocles: Oh, I don't know. Some people consider me the king of sweet-talk.

Gabrielle: Well, hand over the crown, 'cause you just met your match. When I was five, I talked my parents into giving me my own pony.

Petrocles: When I was fifteen, I talked a warlord into giving me his army.

Gabrielle: I once talked a Cyclops out of his dinner. And I was the dinner.

Petrocles: I talked Xena into marrying me.

Xena: [far from both of them] Gabrielle, why don't you walk up here with me?

Gabrielle: You can keep your crown.

Gabrielle: So, what's this Petracles like?

Xena: He's a warlord. He's an ambitious, ruthless, dominating, conniving liar. He'll say anything he can to get a woman to fall for him, and then once he has her, he uses her.

Gabrielle: So you've met.

Xena: We were to be married.

Petracles: When Xena and I met, we were very young. Neither of us knew what love was. We confused possesion for passion. We had to own each other. I was a little better at it than she was. I asked her to marry me because I thought that was the best way to conquer her.

Gabrielle: I bet you had a surprise coming!

Petracles: No, Gabrielle, it worked. She was mine. And when I realized I had her I didn't want her anymore.

Xena: It was just another village to conquer. Nothing out of the ordinary. A fire broke out and I don't know if it was my men or just an accident but there was a strong wind and those flames just swept through that town like a wave of death. And the people were huddled in their houses because they were afraid of my army. That was the one time that my army was responsible for the death of women and children. And there was just a handful of survivors. Obviously Callisto was one of them.

Gabrielle: No, no look, you promise me. If something happens to me, you will not become a monster. There’s only one way to end this cycle of violence and hatred, and it’s through love and forgiveness.

Xena: Don’t you go changing, Gabrielle. I like you just the way you are. Go get some sleep.

Gabrielle: No, no, you promise me.

Xena: I promise.

Xena: Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you without a fair trial.

Callisto: You know, there used to be a little respect mixed up in my hatred for you. But not anymore. Your petty scruples are embarrassing. As a villain, you were awesome. As a hero, you're a sentimental fool.

Callisto: The sight, just the sight, of Xena, Warrior Princess arguing on my behalf amuses me, so let me tell you. Let me answer your question about what I'd do if you let me go. You let me go, and I'll dedicate my life to killing everything you love. Your friends, your family, your reputation - even your horse. I'm being so honest with you, because the idea of your pity is worse than death for me. You see, you created a monster with integrity, Xena. Scary, isn't it?

Xena: Toris has some surprises of his own. That’s the mask of Cortese.

Toris: That’s right. It’s the only way I can get close enough to Cortese-- to kill him.

Xena: I want Cortese as much as you do. But murder is not the answer. I learned the hard way about justice –

Toris: Learned the hard way? Are you bragging? What I saw of you when I left our village was not something to be proud of.

Xena: And what did you see? Someone had to step forward. Cortese would have slaughtered us all if we hadn’t fought.

Toris: If our people had followed me to the hills –

Xena: Cortese would have hunted us down like dogs. I had to make a stand, and I wasn’t the only one who believed that.

Toris: That’s right. Our brother believed it. Lyceus stood by you to the end. And it was his end, remember?

Xena: I said fight because it was our village. Lyceus believed in that, and I would say it again.

Toris: What are you doing?

Gabrielle: I'm listening with my body. See, Xena says that you have to listen to the attack before you see it. She's just.. She's amazing! I mean, I learned so much about inner strength just from watching her.

Xena: Toris…

Toris: How do you put up with that girl?

Xena: Why? She knows more about wisdom and justice than you’ll ever know.

Gabrielle: I can’t bear to think of all the innocents who suffer because of this madness. Someone has to stop it. Come on, Xena. Not even you can stop an entire war. All right, look, I did not mean that as a challenge.

Xena: Stay here with Ephiny.

Gabrielle: What are you going to do?

Xena: I’m gonna find a safe place for Ephiny to have her baby…and then I’m gonna stop this war.

Gabrielle : I’ve got to learn to keep my mouth shut.

Gabrielle: Life is only what you make of it.

Xena: You were right, I shouldn't have brought her here.

General:We all make mistakes.

Xena: My pride may have killed my best friend.

Galen: If she had hit him an inch lower, she could have killed the monster.

Xena: She knew that. That’s why he’s still alive.

Marmax: Are you telling me that she’d rather die than take the life of a man she doesn’t even know?

Xena: Gabrielle lives by her own code. That code doesn’t include killing.

Kaleipus: Amazing. I see so much change in your eyes. You aren't the woman I faced ten years ago. You aren't that warrior. Let him go, Xena. He's got a family and a home here. He's not your son anymore.

Xena: Are you telling me this for my good or yours?

Kaleipus: For his... and mine. For nine years, Solan has been my son. I love him more than my very life and the thought of losing him... You can't possibly know what that feels like.

Xena: Do you know what it's like to be a mother without her child?

Xena: Take this child. He's my son, and the son of Borias. If he stays with me, he'll become a target for all those who hate me... and he'll learn things a child should never know. He'll become like me.

Xena: You have things here I can only dream about. Things I would want for my son.

Xena: I could sing for you.

Xena: Borias was a very wise man. He found his way a lot sooner than I did. But I didn't kill him. I ordered him captured, unharmed, and I don't know what happened.

Callisto: I say before I kill you, I'm going to make you squeal like a pig, you fat pathetic piece of dung.

Callisto: You know I don't drink intoxicants, Theodorus. I like to experience life in all its agonizing glory. I don't want to dull the sensation in any way.

Callisto: You're not falling in love with me, are you?

Theodorus : Well what if I was?

Callisto: I'd have to kill you. Love is a trick that nature plays to get us to reproduce. I want no part of it.

Xena: If anyone’s listening...you know, I’m not much for praying. But I don’t know what else to do. I was ready to give up once, and – and Gabrielle came into my life. Please, don’t let that light that shines out of her face go out. I couldn’t stand the darkness that would follow.

Xena: Beauty contest?!? You sent urgent word for us to see some underdressed, overdeveloped bimbos in a beauty contest???

Xena: Wake me when you get to the urgent part!

Gabrielle: Now why don’t you just cancel the pageant?

Salmoneus: Lord Clairon’s tried that. Each of these guys is so invested in winning, nobody wants to quit first. The way I see it – what we need is a contestant to keep an eye on things from the inside.

Gabrielle: Oh, no, no, no! Don’t even look at me. Now you know how I feel about these women being victimized by meat markets.

Artifys: because I knew you knew. You know about me. And I didn’t want you telling anyone. But when I came back to unlock the door, you had already gone.

Xena: What made you think I would tell.

Artifys: You really don’t get it do you? I guess being born a woman, you wouldn’t. This is a chance for me to use a part of me most people usually laugh at. Or worse. The part I usually have to hide. Only here, that part works for me, see?

Xena: I don’t think so.

Artifys: Look, I don’t expect you to understand. And I’m sorry I got you steamed, I just hope you’ll let me quit the pageant in private instead of going public with it.

Xena: No way. May the best person win.

Gabrielle: This is sabotage!

Xena: Gabrielle, it’s just a bad dress.

Gabrielle: Bad dress? Xena, Chiffon is bad. Chartreuse is bad. But this is a disaster! You will be eliminated half way down the catwalk.

Xena: Well, I can tell you one thing about your destiny: you're fated to have dinner in my cabin tonight.

M'lia: You have a destiny Xena, but you have to choose it.

Xena: You'll be dead in thirty seconds. But know this: you won't be the last. Tell Hades to prepare himself. A new Xena is born tonight, with a new purpose in life: death.

M'lia: Now that you know evil, were evil, you can fight evil.

M'lia: When the living think of the dead, the dead can hear their thoughts. Listen..

Gabrielle: Xena, I know you can hear me, where ever you are. I know you've always told me to be strong but I can't be, not now. You can't leave me! I know it's not your time. I can feel it in my heart. I just feel this emptyness that I've never known before and it scares me. Xena, above all, just remember your destiny. Remember it and fight! Fight to come back! This world needs you. I need you..

Velasca: Artemis, you fake! Where were you when our nation died? Where were you when the many Amazon tribes were scattered and destroyed? Where were you when the word 'Amazon' became a joke told by old men in taverns? I was once your subject, now I'm your equal... and your enemy!

Xena: You may be immortal but I can still do damage. How'd you like to spend eternity in 5 pieces?

Callisto: [to Gabrielle] When I sliced open your husband, how long did it take him to die? [Callisto laughs and Gabrielle runs away]

Xena: There's a path out of the mountains to.... [watches Gabrielle run, then turns to Callisto] What's wrong with her?

Callisto: We played a game of truth or dare, but she's not very good at it.

Ares: No. Life isn't worth living. It's to be taken, and beaten. And wrestled, and formed in your image. That's where the meaning lies. In what you can twist life into. For those who just endure life, yeah it is a very nasty joke. But for those who form it with their will, the joke is on those who get in the way.

Callisto: All these years I've spent living to destroy you, thinking that, only if I can give you the same pain that you gave me, I'd be rid of it. And then I do. And nothing changes. I don't feel better. Just empty.

Xena: Pheidippides, can you run on to Athens and tell them about Marathon?

Pheidippides: Yes.

Xena: Good. Pace yourself. In this heat, a run like that could kill you.

Gabrielle: You taught me that there are things in life worth dying for-- things that hold a higher meaning than our own existence.

Xena: Not your existence.

Gabrielle: Why? 'Cause I'm your friend?

Xena: Yes!

Gabrielle: Well then, honor my memory.

Gabrielle: You've got to take me with you-- teach me everything you know. You can't leave me here in Poteidaia. I wanna go with you. I've studied the stars... spoken with philosophers... and I have the gift of prophecy. I can be very valuable to you. Take me with you. I want so much to be like you.

Priestess of Mnemosyne: She is on her journey, Joxer. That Gabrielle is just an empty shell with no realization of her past.

Joxer: How'd you know my name?

Priestess of Mnemosyne: I have your memories ... ow.

Joxer: I can make her forget. I'm a very forgettable person.

Ares: Call me a big softie, but I decided I like you after all.

Gabrielle: It's very strange. In every story you tell me, this thing I'm wearing gets smaller. Is it enchanted?

Ares: Hmm, intersting. There's an analogy here of course. The water representing our torments, the ice the thin layer of control we like to believe over it, but it's a false confidence.

Ares: That´s the spirit, let it go! Pain is just nature´s way of sayin´: Hey, you´re alive!!

Gabrielle: I wanted to get there before Xena so that I could betray her. I wanted to betray her. I gave her everything and it had meant nothing to her. I hated her for loving someone else. I wanted her to hurt. I wanted her to be punished. And, I almost got her killed. My hatred and jealousy almost destroyed my best friend.

Ares: So, now you have the answer. The question is can you live with it?

Xena to Gabrielle: I couldn't have done it without you. The only reason I do any good at all in this world is because I do it with you. You make an important contribution everyday. I'm gonna make sure that people know that from now on.

Gabrielle: I know, he told me. He stole everything from the man who killed his brother. He left him with nothing, just a broken man.

Xena: You see, that was Autolycus' defining moment. He'll always think of himself as a thief.

Xena (as Ezra): Auto, Auto baby, you promised me this was gonna work. You're supposed to be the King of Thieves. My father, my father told me he was a loser and a fraud with his phony disguises and that silly mustache, but I will always love you. Oh, you gotta believe me. He put me up to this. You know how he is, with that charm of his, he's so shallow yet so persuasive. I'm not really a bad person. I just fell in love with the wrong man at the wrong time.

Autolycus: Alright, Xena, you've been waiting for this moment since we started. Some good old-fashioned kick-butt - that's my warrior princess-action.

Xena: That's the funny thing about people. Just when you think you've got them figured out they show a completely different side to their character.

Gabrielle: I know what you mean.

Gabrielle: "It's okay to be angry" 15:23 (Netflix)

Xena: "No it's not. Anger clouds the mind, it prevents focus."

Ares: (17:05 Netflix) No you aren't listening I said everybody. I want every warlord, every soldier who ever professed an allegiance to me. All of them. This is going to be the largest army ever assembled.

Soldier: - But this is Dahak and his daughter.

Ares:- "And I am Ares, God of War! I will not end up son but note in the annals of history. Dahak want a battle for dominion. Alright I'll give him one he'll never forget."

Ares: "Xena's not finished, you know. When she puts her mind to killing someone, they generally get killed. I know. I gave her that focus."

Ares: "No safe is not the word I used. Women Xena starts to move nothing is safe."

Xena: Gabrielle, I'm entering a world of darkness I promised myself I would never return to. It's the only way I can see you again. My mind has lost its center. It's turning...turning...can't hold it...can't hold it...

Borias: What would you do if I told you I am in love?

Xena: I'd cut out your sweetheart's throat. You think I wouldn't?

Borias: No, I mean I'm in love with you.

Xena: With me? Have you lost what's left of your mind? People like you and me don't fall in love...not with each other, anyway.

Xena: Even in death, Gabrielle, I will never leave you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You gave my life meaning and joy. You will be a part of me forever.

Xena: I hate the dead ... you can't take vengeance on them.

Alti: Ah, but you can.

Alti: Your friend you told me about, Lao Ma, her powers come from denial, from self-sacrifice, from the Light. That's not for people like you and me. I want to tap into the heart of darkness, the sheer naked will behind all cravings, hatred and violence. I will become the face of death destroying not only a person's body, but their soul. Help me and I'll make you Destroyer of Nations.

Cyane: Our holy word should have been strong enough to undo whatever it was that kept us from eternity, but still we can't pass through the gate.

Xena: Then maybe you need a new holy word, one stronger than the last.

Cyane: Our holy word is Courage. Nothing's stronger than courage.

Oteri: The Berzerker!

Xena: [incredously] That's the Berzerker? [points at the man she just killed]

Oteri: No, that's the Berzerker! [points to a warrior riding up]

Xena: This new power that she has, the one that makes you relieve your past, its a thoughie.

Xena: Everyone, gather around. Most of you are already packed and the rest of you need to hurry. It is time for you to go beyond the mountains, you'll be safe there untill this is all over. I need to ask you to do something. You must destroy your village.

Temecula: Destroy the village?

Xena: Burn it, rise it to the ground! Kill all cattle and poison the meat. We must leave nothing for the Romans to use, this land must be worthless to them! I know this is not an easy thing to do, it's where you grew up it's your home. Where you married, where you've raised your families but it is the only way. You can rebuilt when you come back. It is the only, way.

Nogalin: You've done this before.

Gabrielle: A couple of times.

Nogalin: I've never been in a war. I've only wondered what it's like. When I think of Phlanagus out there fighting ... sometimes the thoughts are too much to bear.

Gabrielle: I know what you mean.

Nogalin: I could tell that he hated it. He wrote to me telling there was no glory, no honor, just a monster that needed to be fed. And now, I finally have him back ... and the monster's followed him home.

Autolycus: Don't tell me this is another one of those virtue-is-its-own-reward jobs. Oh Xena, I thought better of you, I really did. You know, I might as well go back to Oman. I've got a good thing going there with the King's sister. I'm this close to the crown jewels and he doesn't suspect a thing.

Xena: He does now. I sent two pigeons.

Xena: People of Peleos, may I present to you Philipon of Crete, Reformer of warlords, dancers and evil people. It's said that he once convinced the King of Thieves himself to do a good deed for no reward other than his own virtue.

Istafan: The King of Thieves? That degenerate blowhard?

Autolycus: Beg your pardon?

Istafan: Sinners like him never have the courage to be really successful. I'm sure he's just a fraud and an idiot.

Autolycus: Ha ha ha, no doubt. Would you excuse me? (to Xena) This plan of yours, does it involve humiliating that horse's ass?

Gabrielle: Are you sure I was dying? Xena, the gods know that I have been tied to a cross before. You helped me then, what makes you think that this ‘vision' is different?

Xena: It was so real ... the way you looked ... the mountain in the background ... it's true, or it could be.

Gabrielle: Well, I'm not going to believe it.

Gabrielle: What happened?

Xena: I just got out-smarted by my own tactics.

Xena: It's alright, he just wants out.

Borias: Soon, soon I will see my son and I can name him.

Xena: And you can take him from me. What about us?

Borias: There is very little left of 'us' anymore, Xena. The only reason our two armies haven't crossed blades is because of a common purpose.

Xena: And what would that be? It certainly isn't Corinth, you can't convince me of that. No, there's only one reason why you stayed. You want to take this away from me.

Borias: As any father would. If my son stays here he'll become a target for your enemies. He'll see things a child should not see, and ...

Xena: He'll become like me.

Satrina: Oh Xena, the moment I realized you were in command I was ecstatic. Of all the people I have studied you were the most complex, the most brilliant of minds I have defeated thus far. You see, Xena, I never did have that much in the way of muscle, never. But, I am a survivor and I have this incredible ability to put myself in my enemies head. So when I found myself in your custody I realized this was my one chance to learn from the best. That's why I couldn't allow you to see Borias that night. Oh yes, the night your son was born, you had just taken the Santra flower potion and Borias' army attacked.

Xena: What's the matter, you having trouble getting inside my head right now? Let me help you. You killed Borias, the man who could have changed everything for me if only I had let him. You killed the father of my child and if he had lived then maybe my son would ... you getting inside my head now?

Autolycus: Xena? Ha ha ha! Hey, small world, huh? You have business here? Everything seems to be closed. Say, how'd you like to grab a bite to eat? I know this great little place, you'd ... C'mon, Xena, it's just a lousy little ruby. It's not even worth talking about. They won't even know that it's gone.

Guard: Look! The ruby! It's gone!

Autolycus: Oh, alright ... (throws the ruby over the wall)

Guard: The ruby! It's back!

Autolycus: I gave it back. You happy now?

Xena/Meg: What are ya? Stupid or something? That thing was worth a fortune!

Meg: You'd be surprised what a young, nubile guard will scream out when he's about to ...

Joxer: ... meet his maker.

Joxer: Look, Joxer the Mighty brings Xena Warrior Princess and Autolycus the King of Thieves ...

Meg: ... a.k.a. Mr. Stinky ...

Joxer: ... in chains.

Autolycus: In chains?

Joxer: Look look look, let me explain it to you. They're grateful. They make me a lord of the realm and ruler of the treasury. ‘More wine, m'lord?' No no. Ha ha! See? I sneak into the treasury, take the key from one of the guards, say something like, ‘What's that over there?!' You know? Then I free you two and we walk off rich into the sunset. What do ya think?

Autolycus: I think it's inbreeding.

Autolycus: [hits Joxer on the head] Just as I thought, it's hollow.

Meg: (Holding a replica of the chakram) I have a shamrock and I know how to use it.

Meg: You see those? They're stars. When I was a little girl, I used to think that all those little lights came from houses in the sky and each one of those houses had a happy family around a cozy fire, and the lights came from all the open windows. And I used to think that at every window there was a little girl just like me looking out at the other lights, and I wondered what it would be like to be one of them. Well, one day we're gonna be one of those little lights. That's a promise.

Xena: Well, you have a funny way of showing it. They killed hundreds of us.

Vanessa: You killers. You kill trees, earth, all. And when we say ‘no, go from here,' you kill Pomira.

Xena: Gabrielle, because of you, Rahl and Adiah now know that their daughter is alive and happy, and not dead like they thought. And because of you, Vanessa has two loving homes. And because of you, for the first time ever, there is peace between us and the Hor ... the Pomira.

Naima: There is a great Evil in the future that is hunting Xena's soul. It has found her. If it succeeds, Xena's karmic cycle will end, along with all the good of her future lives.

Gabrielle: Who is her enemy?

Naima: I don't know. I had to send her there quickly to defend herself. I was not able to tell her much before she left.

Gabrielle: Send me there.

Naima: I'm not sure that's wise.

Gabrielle: This ‘karma' that you're talking about, can you see mine? Can you see how much Xena is a part of that?

Naima: Yes, in many lives ... past and future.

Alti: What's she told you about me, little girl? Has she told you about my powers? Has she told you about this? (shows Gabrielle Xena's vision of their deaths) That's my gift to you. That's your future. She's responsible for your death.

Xena: Gabrielle, the Prince needs my help in Arcon. I'm going to go ahead, you go back to Piraeus and catch up with me when you can.

Gabrielle: Are you sure?

Xena: Sure I'm sure. Go on, make us both happy.

Gabrielle: Thank you.

Xena: Don't mention it.

Gabrielle: Okay

Xena: Well, when I say 'Don't mention it,' I mean...you can mention it. (Sulkily) It's just a figure of speech. You don't have to take it literally. It wouldn't kill you to maybe look back or something. Aw, rats. All right, Argo, it's just you and me.

Dustinus: Oh, by the way, I do not play quadrupeds. Make sure the role reflects that.

Gabrielle: What?

Dustinus: I do not play four-legged creatures.

Gabrielle: But, you're a centaur.

Dustinus: I am an Actor. I refuse to limit myself.

Gabrielle: I have an announcement to make. A message means nothing if no one hears it. A flower in the forest is just a plant if no one sees it.

(Cast looks around incomprehensibly)

Gabrielle: We're going to need more blood. I want more skin, I want action, I want weapons, I want battlefields with beaten bloody bodies. We're going to take this little flower and we're going to cram it down their throats for their own good.

Najara: We walk the same path, Gabrielle, our lives dedicated to defeating Evil by promoting Peace. It's our Way, the Way Eli taught us. A reverence for life. Stray from that path, whatever the reason, the consequences could be devastating for everyone.

Xena: New outfit. New religion. Same old wacko underneath.

Xena: You hurt Gabrielle and I will change you in ways that are anything but peaceful.

Najara: You forget, hurting Gabrielle is your job, or have those visions gone away? You know, the vision of your death and hers. I want to share a life of Peace with her, you want to share a violent death. You tell me who's the villain here, me or you.

Xena: I gotta ask you this, Mom. You killed once before to protect me. Is history repeating itself?

Cyrene: That was different. I was protecting a child.

Xena: Well, you know what they say, no matter what your age, you're always a child to your mother.

Autolycus: Big job running a tavern. Lot's of things to keep track of, huh? Food. Drink. Keys. Hey, what do you know, there's a key to my room, and to Xena's, and to Joxer's. Of course, you'd have a key to every room in the place wouldn't you, Cyrene?

Cyrene: Meaning.

Autolycus: Meaning you must know every creaky floor board and squeaky hinge in the place. Why, you could float around like a ghost if you had to.

Autolycus: Bounty hunter checks in, and despite what she says, I think she knew it. You also knew that it was damn likely that your daughter would be on her list.

Xena: Autolycus, we've already had this conversation.

Autolycus: Then you must admit, no one has the means or a stronger motive than your own dear, over-protective mother. Sorry, Cyrene, tough break. Book her, Xena. I'm outta here.

Xena: He's an idiot.

Joxer: I still say it was Minya in the bedroom with a knife.

Minya: Would you can it! This isn't some sort of game, you know.

Cyrene: She's right. Discord has long ears. She could show up at any time.

Joxer: That's exactly my point. You keep talking about her ears and she will show up.

Xena: What are you saying?! You can't have killed her, you weren't even here.

Gabrielle: I know, but if it wasn't the knife, it had to have been me. You see, I ran into Raveneka two days ago. I heard she was hot on your trail so I decided to slow her down a bit. I thought I could get here first and warn you. So, I put Joxer's gravy recipe in her water bag.

Xena: You know, Gabrielle, there's only one way you can know have the fish really feel, and that's to become one with them.

Gabrielle: Don't do it. Xena, this outfit takes forever to dry.

Xena: Oh, well, I've got time.

Gabrielle: Hello, Brutus.

Brutus: Gabrielle, they told me you were the new leader of this tribe.

Gabrielle: Thanks to you. You killed Ephiny, our Queen ... my friend.

Brutus: Ephiny, that was her name. One of the best fighters I've met. She died as a warrior and for that I have no guilt in my actions.

Amarice: Hey, Roman, have you ever witnessed an Amazon execution before? I don't know how they do it here, but in my tribe it took a long, long time. And as the life oozed out of you, we talk to you and ask you how it felt.

Brutus: You're such a child. I've seen death that you could never dream of. And the fact that you told me that story means that you never saw it, or you're a fool.

Amarice: I don’t get it.

Xena: What?

Amarice: You and Gabrielle. Are you really gonne just let her pardon Brutus?

Xena: Then what do you suggest? That we take over the village, chain up Gabrielle and kill him?

Amarice: Pick one, I’ll go with it.

Xena: You know Gabrielle is not the weakling that you think she is. She’s seen more of life and death then you will ever know. This is just one more battle and she’s got her own way of fighting it!

Amarice: But letting him go? Are you crazy?!

Xena: Her battle isn’t with Brutus, it’s with this! *hold up her sword* With this! *hold up Amarices dagger* With war and with hatred and you know what? Sometimes I don’t like the way she goes about it but I’ve come to understand her. *small pause*

Xena: Amarice, you’re so young. And when you’re young, you think that the answers are simple to find. You think you can find them on the point of a sword. Well you’re wrong. I just pray that you live long enough to lay down your sword and look for those answers in yourself.

Brutus: This is a personal message from the Queen of the Amazons to Caesar, Ruler of all Rome. A peace treaty. The Queen of the Amazons promises to respect the territories of ...

Caesar: If they're not under my control, Brutus, they're a threat.

Amarice: I was thinking about what you said, Xena, about not finding my answers at the end of a sword, and it seemed to make sense. And then I started thinking about old Pompey and it seems to me that he found an answer at the end of yours.

Gabrielle: Amarice, did you not find any philosophy behind those words?

Harry: Dont forget about the pint of Haagen-Daas and the bean burrito.

(Annie Burps)

Harry: Those will give you nightmares.

Annie: I had a past life experience.

Harry: Okay, let me guess. You were, huh, Susan B. Anthony

Annie: No.

Harry: Eleanor Roosevelt

Annie: No.

Harry: Queen Elizabeth?

Annie: No.

Harry: Huh, I give up.

Annie: In the time of ancient gods, I was Xena the Warrior Princess.

Maddie: Look, Marco taught me the hypnosis technique. And I never thought I would hurt anyone. Now I'm responsible for getting you two blown up. This is a karmic catastrophe. I'm going to come back as a worm, a cockroach. No, a TV evangelist.

Gabrielle: Callisto... when Xena burned your family did you see them on fire? Did you... did you smell their flesh sizzling? Do you know what I think? You wanted them to die so you'd have a reason to be a bitch.

Xena: It's impossible; I cannot be pregnant. If you weren't such a quack, you'd know that getting pregnant requires certain physical requirements that I haven't had for a long time--I'm talking a very long time! No one, zilch, zippo, I'm a love-free zone, therefore it is utterly impossible that I be UP-THE-DUFF! So what's your diagnosis now?

Message from Lao Ma: The hawk and the dove must be made one with the wisdom.

Xena: I’ve been here before. This is where I first met Lao Ma. You’re very like her you know.

K'ao Hsin: I’ve walked in her shadow all my life. Now, it seems, is no exception. But I wonder Xena, why do you look so troubled?

Xena: There are people you meet who move in and out of your life like ghosts. And after they’re gone, you find that they’ve left a part of themselves with you. It's as if in some small way that their spirit helps define who you are or what you want to bring to the world.

K'ao Hsin: Then it seems that my mother is still alive in us both.

Xena: Your mother taught me compassion. It's a lesson that I want to pass on to this child. But you, how did you learn that without the benefit of her love?

K'ao Hsin: Every day that passes in Chin without bloodshed passes because my mother played a part in the destiny of our homeland. Just look around Xena. Her lesson is her legacy. She speaks to me even now through the whispering wind. You wish to know where I learned compassion? All you have to do is listen.

Xena: You are your mother's daughter.

K'ao Hsin: It must have been beautiful.

Xena: Yes. I was cornered here, and your mother hid me in her bath, underwater. She gave me her breath to keep me alive.

K'ao Hsin: She died in this palace, didn't she?

Xena: That’s right.

K'ao Hsin: Then this is the perfect place to study. In the presence of her spirit.

K'ao Hsin: "The entire world is driven by a will-- "blind and ruthless. "In order to transcend the limitations of the physical world, one must cease desiring,

K’ao Hsin/Xena: -and become what we desire.

Xena: "To conquer others is to wield power. But to conquer ourselves is to know the way." Lao Ma's power came from her purity of thought.

K’ao Hsin: Then with purity on our side, Pao Ssu will be easily defeated.

Xena: No. Pao Ssu has her own kind of purity. The purity of hatred.

Xena: Hey, K'ao Hsin, what do you think? Huh? - What's wrong?

K'ao Hsin: I'm plagued with doubt and fear. I can't still my mind.

Xena: Fear of what?

K'ao Hsin: My sister's hate. I hear her words echoing through my mind, telling me that I am weak. And she's right! I'll never have the strength to defeat her.

Xena: Wrong. It takes great strength to show compassion. Lao Ma taught us both that. That's what we're going to need to beat Pao Ssu.

K'ao Hsin: I don't understand.

Xena: Yes, you do! [ Softly ] You do. You said yourself. Lao Ma lives on in her legacy. And each of us holds a part of that. Her blood is in your heart. Her lessons are in mine. If we focus together, we don't need the book.

K'ao Hsin: "The hawk and the dove must be made one with the wisdom." All this time, I thought it was Pao Ssu. But it's you.

Xena: "Knowing the way is like being a child."

K'ao Hsin: "Laughing and crying all day without being hoarse."

Pao Ssu: "Small people hate loneliness. But the master makes it her home." "Her source. Her mother. For she knows it allows her to be one with the universe."

K'ao Hsin: "The master knows no expectation. Therefore, no disappointment."

Xena: "And thus, she stays young forever."

Lao Ma: "To conquer others is to have power. To conquer yourself is to know the way."

Eli: You don't need a sacred dagger or a sword. Love will be our shield and our weapon.

Eli: Are you sure this is how it has to be? Isn't there some other way?

Callisto: The new world can only be built on the foundation of the old one. The order of the gods must fall. And you, Eli, are the hammer.

Xena: The only reason why people like Eli exist is because people like us defend them when they won't defend themselves.

Gabrielle: (Angrily) So Ares is right? The whole future is shaped by warriors? (Walks away)

Xena: It's easy to preach peace when you live in heaven. Where is come from you gotta fight for what you believe in. Why don't you come along. It's not everyday that you get to witness the twilight of the gods. It should be a good show.

Hercules: Oh, so all those other times I knocked you flat on your ass you were just pretending?

Ares: I was worried what Dad would do if I really hurt you. You've always been his favorite.

Hercules: You see, that's the difference between you and me, I never really cared what 'Daddy' thought.

Solan: Hades told me that in the Elysian Fields, you don't even know that you're dead. You just live the same day over and over, thinking your family's going to be home any minute, but they never come. The next morning, it just starts all over again.

Xena: That's so you don't miss the people you left behind.

Solan: If not missing you means not seeing you, I'd rather stay here. At least this way, I'd still get to be with you.

Hercules: I never thought I'd say this ... I believe you. But, how can I be sure you aren't going to change your mind?

Hera: Because of a lesson I regret teaching you a long time ago, Hercules. Parents should never outlive their children.

Xena: I am pregnant, not brain damaged.

Xena: We're going to be together now, Eve. You and me and your brother, forever and ever ... you hear that Solan? Forever.

Gabrielle: Ares, [plants herself on his lap] that Gabrielle's been gone for a long time. You and Xena showed me that warriors rule the world, not philosophers.

Ares: I could get used to this. I could.

Eve: Believe me, you don't want to make me angry.

Xena: "If he's not insane, then I'm not a Fury. [morphs into Alecto]

Varia: You alright?

Eve: Yeah.

Varia: You took care of my sister Amazons before you took care of yourself. Thank you.

Eve: My wound was a small one.

Varia: That old scar's a bad one. Take a look at this.[shows Eve a thick scar on her shoulder]

Eve: Wow.

Varia: A Roman short sword. The man who did it died before he had the time to wipe his blade.

Eve:[turns around to expose a long scar on her lower back] Gaelic spear. The man who did it, his entire regiment, his village and two neighboring villages destroyed before the sun went down.

Varia: I was right. You were a serious warrior.

Varia: Don't you miss it? The knot in your stomach as you prepare for war.

Eve: The quiet after a tough battle?

Varia: Yeah.

Eve: Victory snatched from the jaws of defeat. Death so close, then suddenly driven away...no, I don't miss it.

Varia: I've only seen one warrior do that move. I knew I recognized you from someplace. You're Livia, Bitch of Rome.

Varia: Mommy won't save you this time.

Eve: "If that's my destiny, so be it."

Xena: "That sword had better be for Ares' men. What Eve did to your people was unforgivable. But she is my daughter, and if anything happens to her while she's in your custody you'll have me to deal with, and trust me … you're not ready for that."

Xena: "You're soft, like all the Olympians. You know, I killed all the others, Ares. But maybe I stopped too soon."

Ares: "It's not the end of the world. Who knows, maybe as a mortal I can experience something I never could as a god."

Gabrielle: [having a microphone hooked to her top] Hey, watch where you put your hands!

Xena: Yeah, you watch where you put your hands, buddy.

Nigel: But what you're saying is that most of these passengers are here because of Xena?

Charon: Raw numbers? Nah. She's a drop in the bucket. But Xena has sent me some pretty heavy hitters: Elynus of Mycenae, Marc Antony, Velasca, Callisto, you can even make a case for Caesar himself. These people do not lose their mortal coils without a fight.

Caligula: Hey! Sometime this eternity!

Charon: Unlike this guy who's just been asking for a one-way ticket to the Underworld, if you ask me.

Charon: Oh, there's one more thing I would like to say. At least Xena pays her fare, unlike another so-called super hero I know, more like super-cheapskate. That's right. I'm talking about you, Hercules.

Nigel: Please, try not to cover anything up.

Lucifer: Cover anything up? I'm the Devil, you idiot! I'm really bad. I'm evil incarnate. What do I have to cover up?

Lucifer: You're a real pain. I can't wait to get you down here.

Nigel: Uh, with respect, sir, that's not going to happen. I'm not a murdering warlord. No, no, no. I'm an award winning investigative journalist. I'm a member of the fifth estate.

Lucifer: Like I said, I can't wait to get my claws into you.

Nigel: Then why is Xena trying to steal the Golden Apples? And why is she shacked up with Ares? Did you know that? That's the same Ares that killed Eli while your mother stood by and did nothing.

Eve: You want to know about my mother? [gives him a good shove] I will tell you about my mother, you little sh*t! If my mother is with Ares, you can bet she's got a pretty fucking good reason!

Nigel: Are you still jealous that Ares was obsessed with your mother the entire time he was sleeping with you?

Eve: [being held back by her fellow Elijans] You fucking brat! Stay the Hell away from my mother! You stay the fuck away from me or I will kick your fucking ass!

Nigel: Not the kind of words you would expect to hear from Eve, the Messenger of Eli. [following in Eve's wake] Whatever happened to walking the path of light, Eve?

Eve: Fuck off!

Nigel: You want your mother on Olympus, don't you? You want to see the God of War put back on his throne so Xena and Ares can continue your bloody ménage et trois? [gets decked by Eve then turns to camera] Tell me you got that. You got that, didn't you?

Madam: Calling number 27! One Thor's Hammer! We'll make you feel like the God of Thunder!

Ares: 27! Yo, I got 27!

Nigel: Ares, the former God of War!

Ares: No, I'm not … crap! [runs out of the tavern]

Nigel: We found Ares, the former God of War, half naked and stinking of booze in a bordello.

Ares: I'm trying to get laid! I'm not a criminal!

Nigel: Wait! Hold it! [to camera] And now, ladies and gentlemen, a world exclusive -- for the first time anywhere, Xena and Gabrielle reveal the true nature of their relationship. Gabrielle, Xena, are you two lovers?

Xena: You want the truth?

Nigel: That's right, Xena, we want the truth. The whole world wants the truth.

Xena: It's like this, technically... [the camera begins to fade in and out and then finally the screen has only two words on it: STAND BY]

Nigel: What?! It's dead?! The battery! This is the world's greatest story and you're telling me the battery is dead?! I don't believe this! Oh, man!

Ares: (voice only) Xena, tell me, have you heard the story of the scorpion and the swan?

Xena: You haven't even got the guts to face me.

Ares: See, the scorpion needs to get across the river, and he asks the swan for a ride. And the swan figures it's not much of a risk. The scorpion wouldn't sting the creature who's carrying him over the raging river.

Xena: My daughter's about to die because of you, and you're feeding me fairy tales?

Ares: (appears behind Xena) Bear with me, it's worth the wait. So, about halfway across, the scorpion stings the swan, and as they're both being swept to their death, the swan asks the scorpion, "I was helping you. Why did you sting me?" And the scorpion answers...

Xena: "It's what I do."

Ares: Yeah, it's what I do.

Ares: Hey, can I help it if I've played this like the malevolent genius I am? Remember what the scorpion said.

Xena: Ares, the scorpion drowned.

(Xena has fought Varia to show her where the path of vengence leads. Varia decides not to take Ares' path)

Ares: You had this planned all along. You are so good.

Xena: It's what I do.

Ares: And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Varia: As queen of the Amazon nation, I hereby sentence Livia, killer of the Amazons, to death. (gasps are heard among the chamber) So that Eve, the messenger of peace, may live.

Varia: You were ready to let me kill you just so that I could see I was headed down the wrong path.

Xena: I knew the truth was inside you. You just needed the chance to decide what was right.

Gabrielle: Queen Mawu-Ka, Queen Gwyn-Teir, your friend, Bane, their blood, on the shores of this land. Our sisters have died, but death is not an end to their spirits. Death, it's a pathway to an afterlife. And when it is my time to join them, I want to know that I can grasp them by the hands, I can look them, all in the eyes, and tell them, that their blood was not shed without purpose, that we finished the job that they began. More of us may die today, but the Amazon nation. It will live on forever. That is the duty that we carry, and the everlasting honor that we will hold.

Xena: "What is that?" … [pulls a telescope out of Argo's bag and proceeds to look through it the wrong way]

Gabrielle: "Xena, give me that … huh, I don't see anything." … [pulls the telescope away to reveal a dark ring around her eye]

Xena: "My mistake."

Ferragus: Xena, the warrior pain in my ass!

Xena: Aphrodite, meet Genia … a virgin.

Genia: I don't believe it.

Aphrodite: I don't either! I thought you guys were extinct!

Aphrodite: For future reference, I'm now Mighty Aphrodite.

Gabrielle: You know, how did you fall for my fish guts gag?

Xena: I don't know.

Gabrielle: You knew that I would go crazy waiting for you to get even. Xena, didn't see it coming. [tries to take a drink out of a cup, which promptly spills all over her]

Xena: Nor that. Now, we're even.

Xena: "Here, give me that (taking the cup away from Gabrielle). I want you to close your eyes."

Gabrielle: "No."

Xena: "Trust me, please."

Gabrielle: "No."

Xena: "Close your eyes."(places a scroll in Gabrielle's lap)

Gabrielle: "What is this?"

Xena: "Open it. I had Sappho jot something down for you."

Gabrielle: "A poem? Sappho wrote a poem for me. I don't believe it. Xena, you had this planned all along, didn't you? (Gabrielle reads the poem) ... There's a moment when I look at you And no speech is left in me My tongue breaks Then fire races under my skin and I tremble And grow pale for I am dying of such love Or so it seems to me.'"

Gabrielle: "It's beautiful. This is the best birthday present I have ever had."

Xena: 'Course, it ain't over yet. [puts the helmet on and the girls fly off into the sunset together] Happy birthday, Gabrielle!

Xena Fan #1: Hey, how did you get over the horror of finding out you were that bumbling idiot, Joxer?

Annie/Joxer: Hey, Joxer was no fool. The guy they got to play him was a goofball, that's all. He was the producer's brother, for crying out loud.

Xena Fan #2: At least you got to hang out with Xena and Gabby in a past life. We can't lay claims to anything that cool.

Xena Fan #2: Speaking of the Warrior Princess and the Bard, what happened when your boyfriend, Harry, found out he was Xena in a past life?

Xena Fan #1: And then your past lives counselor was none other than his beloved sidekick, Gabrielle.

Annie/Joxer: [looking sick] They got hitched.

Xena Fan #1: Decent. Xena and Gabby finally a couple.

Xena Fan #2: Wait till we tell the rest of the fans.

Mattie/Gabrielle: Nice driving, dear. Oh, that was the most fabulous vacation since our honeymoon, and I thought that nothing could top that. Wasn't it fascinating how being back in Greece brought back our lives as Xena and Gabrielle?

Harry/Xena: Yeah, except I shouldn't have had those last two goat cheese milkshakes.

Xena: I mean, Gabrielle, what are we gonna do? Wander around Greece our whole lives looking for trouble? Why don't we go away? Far away? What do ya say?

Gabrielle: I can't believe you're awake, much less listening to me.

Xena: Let's go south to the land of the Pharaohs. I hear they're in need of a girl with a chakram.

Akemi: I know you're a good man. In the teahouse, I felt the compassion in your heart. Don't fear me.

Kenji: Who? Who was that demon?

Akemi: The Lord of the Dark Land. He's preparing an army to wage war in Higuchi and slowly, the populace. Honorable monk [hands him a samurai sword] I beg you to do what must be done to stop him enslaving the souls of that city.

Kenji: But I'm no swordsman.

Akemi: There's one in the west, far beyond the setting sun.

Kenji: A samurai? A priest? A god?

Akemi: No, a warrior princess.

Xena: I'm just a girl in search of a really good sword.

Xena: If I only have thirty seconds to live.

Gabrielle: We're going to be together … for eternity.

Gabrielle: You brought out the best in me.

Xena: Gabrielle, this is how I want to live them, looking into your eyes.

Xena: Gabrielle, what would you do? Listen not just to the sounds, but what's behind the sounds. Always remember that I love you.

Samurai: I deserve to die with the dignity of a warrior.

Gabrielle: Dignity, huh? Like you showed my friend? [throws the chakram at him which ricochets off his head and a few boulders, and then returns to her waiting hand]

[Having finally regained possession of Xena's ashes, Gabrielle opens the urn to dip it into the Fountain of Strength. Xena places a hand on the urn.]

Xena: No, Gabrielle.

Gabrielle: Xena.

Xena: No.

Gabrielle: Xena, the sun is setting. I have to bring you back to life.

Xena: No, not if it means condemning the souls of the forty thousand who burned at Higuchi.

Gabrielle: The souls are free.

Xena: They're free from Yodoshi's grasp. Akemi didn't want to tell me this in case I wouldn't come back to help … but for those souls to be released into a state of grace, they must be avenged. I must stay dead.

Gabrielle: But if I bring you back to life...

Xena: ...The souls will be lost forever.

Gabrielle: Xena, that is not right. I don't care. You're all that matters to me.

Xena: Don't you know how much I want to let you do this? But if there's a reason for our travels together, it's because I had to learn from you, enough to know the final, the good, the right thing to do. I can't come back. I can't.

Gabrielle: I love you, Xena. How am I supposed to go on without you?

Xena: I'll always be with you, Gabrielle. Always.

Gabrielle:[sailing back across the sea, holding Xena's ashes close] A life of journeying has brought you to the farthest lands, to the very edge of the earth.

Xena:[appearing beside her friend] And to the place where I'll always remain - your heart.

Xena: So where to now?

Gabrielle: I think we should go south to the land of the Pharaohs. I hear they need a girl with a chakram.

Definitely gay... there was always a 'well, she might be or she might not be' but when there was that drip of water passing between their lips in the very final scene, that cemented it for me. Now it wasn't just that Xena was bisexual and kinda liked her gal pal and they kind of fooled around sometimes, it was 'Nope, they're married, man.