I’ve already got something that I’m allergic to guarding the entrance to my apartment and now it’s my mode of transportation. Granted, the pine wreath on my door hasn’t caused any damage (yet) but I wouldn’t be totally shocked if it started emitting toxic yet undetectable poisons into the air the closer it gets to Christmas. These things happen.

I wouldn’t worry so much about the mystery gift someone left me but something happened Monday night that gave me pause. Apparently there was a suspicious looking briefcase that was left on a train platform, so bomb authorities were called in to check it out. The train in question is the one closest to my house, the one I stepped off of roughly 10 minutes before the police were called in. And before you say or think anything, I can assure you I had absolutely nothing to do with it. I found out when a friend of mine was on her way over and had to take a cab because the train and highway were both shut down, so I guess I narrowly avoiding a gigantic transit nightmare. That’s good and all but it was still a little scary to read news reports involving a suitcase with wires sticking out of it at a place I had literally just been.

See where the suit is kneeling? I stand in that exact spot every morning

In the end, though, I don’t really think anyone is out to get me. The suitcase turned out to be nothing more than a false alarm that pissed off commuters for about two hours and it’s entirely possible that I have a secret admirer who thinks the way to my heart is through a present that I’ll never forget.