List of One: How to Experience the Effects of Caffeinated Alcohol Once Caffeinated Alcohol Is Banned

Despite spirited protest from one Lower East Side restaurateur and more than 9,000 Facebook users, whose rallying cry, “WE NEED AS MANY PEOPLE TO JOIN TO SAVE FOUR LOKO.. THEY ARE ABOUT TO BE TAKEN OUT OF STORES CUZ PEOPLE DONT KNOW HOW TO DRINK. PLEASE LIKE THIS,” fell on deaf ears, the federal government is expected to announce a ban on caffeinated, alcoholic energy drinks. “Democratic Sen. Charles Schumer, who has pushed the Obama administration to ban the beverages, said Tuesday the Food and Drug Administration is expected to find that caffeine is an unsafe food additive to alcoholic drinks, essentially banning them,” the Associated Press reports.

Senator Schumer (D-NY) was the prohibition’s most outspoken proponent, having just this Sunday all but ensured Four Loko’s demise in New York State. Even a November 10 open letter from the brewers of Four Loko, in which executives reasoned that they “don’t agree with the notion that mixing caffeine and alcohol is inherently unsafe,” did nothing to dissuade the inexorable Schumer.While the ban on caffeinated drinks may “[keep] our kids safe,” as the senator has suggested, what of the responsible adult wanting to drink and simultaneously ward off drowsiness and lethargy? It’s an elegant solution, really. We now present our List of One: How to Experience the Effects of Caffeinated Alcohol Once Caffeinated Alcohol Is Banned.