When a white person offers you wine, you take a small sip and then say “ooh, that’s nice. What country is it from?” then they will say the name of the country and you say “I love wines from that country, I would love to get a villa in the wine region there.” White people will nod in agreement as they all want to have a second home in a wine region like Napa, Tuscany or Santa Barbara.

It is also a good idea to say that your favorite wine is from a small winery called [make up name like ‘Spotswood,’ ‘Red Duck,’ Random Spanish name] in [Australia, Argentina, France, California, or Chile] that is hard to get in whatever country you are in. White people will be impressed that they have not heard of this wine and consider you to be a very smart person. They will also make a note to try to find that wine, and when they can’t find it, your status will rise even higher.

Another:

#35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report

The Daily Show also features guests like John McCain, writers, policy analysts, and actors. It is comforting for white people to see boring celebrities get interviewed in a funny fashion. It fills their need to do something productive, but also not work that hard at it.

Take note that Tuesday through Friday during the working week, you can break ALL awkward silences with white people by saying “did you see the Daily Show/Colbert Report last night?” At which point they will start talking until it’s time for you to move on to more interesting activities.

And yeah:

#27 Marathons

If you find yourself in a situation where a white person is talking about a marathon, you must be impressed or you will lose favor with them immediately. Running for a certain length of time on a specific day is a very important thing to a white person and should not be demeaned.

Also worth nothing, more competitive white people prefer triathlons because Kenyans can’t afford $10,000 specialty bicycles. If the subject ever comes up, just say that triathletes are in better shape than football and basketball players. It’s not true, but it will make the conversation a lot more genial.

heywoode

02-22-2008, 12:44 AM

hey there, breezy....why would granger want to read it?

maybe it's late and/or I'm dumb, but I would think it would be more for the resident pothead, or maybe Murphy, who has that glazed donut look on his face most of the time....

JayRedd

02-22-2008, 12:47 AM

He starts in a lineup with four white guys. And there are many handy tips on easy ways to interact with our kind.

Here's one that also relates:

#4 Assists

When you say the word “assist,” first thing you think about is Steve Nash and Wayne Gretzky. White people love to pass, it’s no secret.

In basketball, it’s kind of a must so that white guys can carve out a niche and guarantee acceptance on a team. Trying to be a white guy who dunks and stuff is like trying to be a white rapper - yeah, there are a few, but you have to work twice as hard for half the results.

One explanation is that white people still feel guilty over slavery, colonialism, and the crusades so passing is a way to make up for it. But more importantly, it makes them feel good to help others.

Hicks

02-22-2008, 01:44 AM

I'm offended by the URL and the concept. I'm just not a fan of people who try to speak for a race like we're all sheep.

Aw Heck

02-22-2008, 01:49 AM

I've been going to this blog for a while too. While it doesn't apply to all white people, it reminds me of people I know, which makes it funny.

It's obviously satire and points out some ridiculous aspects of the way some white people act. I don't think it's intention is to be offensive.

N8R

02-22-2008, 04:05 AM

I am white and it is all true...me being white. The rest is racist propaganda, JayRedd should be banned for this kind of intolerance

rexnom

02-22-2008, 08:26 AM

Yeah...this is fantastic...still, let's take JayRedd's pants for good measure.

Putnam

02-22-2008, 08:46 AM

#8

Can't we all just get along?

Hicks

02-22-2008, 10:59 AM

I've been going to this blog for a while too. While it doesn't apply to all black people, it reminds me of black people I know, which makes it funny.

It's obviously satire and points out some ridiculous aspects of the way some black people act. I don't think it's intention is to be offensive.

Sound any different to you now?

Los Angeles

02-22-2008, 11:24 AM

Meh. Not funny to me.

If I posted a blog affecting the tone "how to get along with black people", and referenced the projects and fried chicken or "how to get along with asians" and talked about math class and emotionless parents, would anyone think it was funny?

See what I mean? Dollars to donuts SOMEONE is going to be offended by that paragraph, even when I was just trying to make a point.

Aw Heck

02-22-2008, 12:21 PM

Sound any different to you now?
Comedians have been pointing out the ridiculous aspects of ALL races for a long time. This is really nothing new. If someone made a similar blog about black people, it probably would have the same content as shows such as Chappelle's Show, the Boondocks, etc. It wouldn't exactly being covering ground that hasn't been covered before by comedians like Richard Pryor, Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, etc. I think blonde jokes and Jeff Foxworthy's redneck jokes fall into a similar category; they're not race-related, but they're picking on a particular group of people and pointing out funny things.

But if that type of humor is not your cup of tea, that's fine. I'm not going to tell you what you should think is funny or offensive.

Twes

02-22-2008, 04:05 PM

All I have to say is I was never much for wine, the daily show or marathons.

Although that line about the Kenyans cracked me up.

Since86

02-22-2008, 06:12 PM

Comedians have been pointing out the ridiculous aspects of ALL races for a long time. This is really nothing new. If someone made a similar blog about black people, it probably would have the same content as shows such as Chappelle's Show, the Boondocks, etc. It wouldn't exactly being covering ground that hasn't been covered before by comedians like Richard Pryor, Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, etc. I think blonde jokes and Jeff Foxworthy's redneck jokes fall into a similar category; they're not race-related, but they're picking on a particular group of people and pointing out funny things.

But if that type of humor is not your cup of tea, that's fine. I'm not going to tell you what you should think is funny or offensive.

Notice how in all your examples it was a person of the same race cracking jokes about their own race?

If I did stand-up comedy and used the exact same jokes that Dave Chappelle wrote, and no one knew it was by him, what do you think the reaction would be?

avoidingtheclowns

02-22-2008, 06:18 PM

Notice how in all your examples it was a person of the same race cracking jokes about their own race?

If I did stand-up comedy and used the exact same jokes that Dave Chappelle wrote, and no one knew it was by him, what do you think the reaction would be?

howard wolfson would call you out for plagiarising?

Arcadian

02-22-2008, 06:18 PM

Danny grew up Jehovah Witness. It could be argue that Bird is trying to find a cast of white players to make Danny feel comfortable.

JayRedd

02-22-2008, 06:42 PM

A lot of sensitive white people around here.

Yall should really enjoy this one then:

www.blackpeopleloveus.com (http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com)

sweabs

02-22-2008, 06:50 PM

A lot of sensitive white people around here.

Yall should really enjoy this one then:

www.blackpeopleloveus.com (http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com)
Oh, an oldie but a classic.

And I enjoyed the first link you gave. Oopsie!

Aw Heck

02-22-2008, 07:11 PM

Notice how in all your examples it was a person of the same race cracking jokes about their own race?
How do you know the blog wasn't made by a white person?

You actually probably could get away with telling Dave Chappelle's jokes. It probably wouldn't work as well, but you could. Use the n-word and you're not getting away with anything though.

Los Angeles

02-22-2008, 07:14 PM

Chris rock is funny. He has great delivery and presents his commentary with a laugh. He could be reading Mein Kampf and it would be funny.

That site isn't funny to me because I don't find it very insightful, and the delivery is longwinded and over-worked. Plus, so many of the things on that blog I can't relate to at all. I think they are just making fun of middle class married couples of any race and then adding "white".

I'd like to think that we've reached a point in race relations where we can at least pick fun at each other a little bit without crossing the obvious lines. Maybe it's just that way between me and some of my friends. I tease them for wanting Popeye's all the time, and they tease me for drinking Yellowtail and listening to Jack Johnson. Whatever. Can't we all just get along and get a well meaning laugh out of one another every once in awhile?

Los Angeles

02-22-2008, 07:23 PM

This wasn't intended to be offensive by any means.

I'd like to think that we've reached a point in race relations where we can at least pick fun at each other a little bit without crossing the obvious lines. Maybe it's just that way between me and some of my friends. I tease them for wanting Popeye's all the time, and they tease me for drinking Yellowtail and listening to Jack Johnson. Whatever. Can't we all just get along and get a well meaning laugh out of one another every once in awhile?

ABSOLUTELY.

As long as it's actually funny. ;)

Twes

02-22-2008, 08:28 PM

Those Kenyans are just crazy good in that long distance crap.

:cool:

Wu-Gambino

02-22-2008, 08:41 PM

I've read this blog, and love it, but a more appropriate title would be something along the lines of "what yuppies like" or "what liberal douches like".

Stryder

02-23-2008, 12:38 AM

Wow. Alot of touchy people here. It is okay to be offended, but you don't have to make a big deal about it. There is no freedom from offense...

I like it.

kester99

02-23-2008, 01:56 AM

A lot of sensitive white people around here.

Yall should really enjoy this one then:

www.blackpeopleloveus.com (http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com)

Angry laughter is all I can see.

I think we should take both of these web sites very seriously, and possibly write term papers about them....but not poems...I don't want to read those poems.

AesopRockOn

02-23-2008, 11:37 PM

I'm offended by the URL and the concept. I'm just not a fan of people who try to speak for a race like we're all sheep.

So are you the black sheep? :D

bellisimo

02-24-2008, 12:07 PM

Angry laughter is all I can see.

I think we should take both of these web sites very seriously, and possibly write term papers about them....but not poems...I don't want to read those poems.

how about Haikus instead?

kester99

02-24-2008, 12:23 PM

how about Haikus instead?

Sure...haiku works. The good ones are good, and the bad ones are still short...and if you can't tell whether it was good or bad, well, it's still short.

I just got back from the bike shop and am on my way to an Oscar party.

sweabs

02-24-2008, 09:28 PM

What kind of bike shop?

JayRedd

02-24-2008, 09:31 PM

Vintage, obviously. It's pretty sweet, actually...right next to this great sandwich bistro. It's a little expensive and I have to leave the great ethnic, up-and-coming neighborhood I live in, but it's just so retro and has all these ironic Arrested Devlopment posters, so I just loooove it.

Naptown_Seth

02-24-2008, 09:32 PM

Why is it that the white stereotype always features very wealthy white people. And why do blacks think that most whites live remotely close to a world of country clubs and second homes.

I have no problem with the site that Redd posted, just one of those comedy things I've noticed. Black = ghetto black, white = upper 5% wealthy white...with the occasional nod to the most extreme version of redneck possible, though this is usually the version of white that other whites make fun of. I'm looking at you Foxworthy.

sweabs

02-24-2008, 09:38 PM

Oh, I love vintage bike shops. I've always wanted to own or manage one as a matter of fact.

Actually, one of my favourite bike shops has more of a "futuristic" touch to it. It's located outside of Kamloops, BC. You've probably never been...but it's great. Just great. I love the scenery outside of the store. I could just look at the mountains and breathe in some of that fresh mountain air all day. I'd love to move there some day.

JayRedd

02-24-2008, 09:46 PM

Wow. That sounds so wonderful.

No, I've never been but Kamloops, British Columbia, reminds me of this great little country village that me and this Asian girl I was dating then used to go to when I was in Japan during my study abroad. We would just hike out to this little lake and relax -- maybe do some yoga or maybe just listen to some Mos Def, Sufjan Stevens or just Japanese public radio on my iPod.

My dream is to buy a house on that lake so I can just enjoy nature while I work on my novel. I dunno, it's just something I've always wanted to do and the professor at this writing workshop I went to said I wrote such natural dialogue.

Aw Heck

02-24-2008, 09:47 PM

Why is it that the white stereotype always features very wealthy white people. And why do blacks think that most whites live remotely close to a world of country clubs and second homes.

I have no problem with the site that Redd posted, just one of those comedy things I've noticed. Black = ghetto black, white = upper 5% wealthy white...with the occasional nod to the most extreme version of redneck possible, though this is usually the version of white that other whites make fun of. I'm looking at you Foxworthy.
I think the site is being intentionally stereotypical. Of course not all whites are like this.

However, I worked in Carmel for a number of years and I'd say a large number of the items listed on the site fit people I've encountered in Carmel to a T. Mainly just the idea of owning things not because you actually want them, but because you can show off and brag about them to people in conversations.

sweabs

02-24-2008, 10:02 PM

maybe just listen to some Mos Def, Sufjan Stevens or just Japanese public radio on my iPod.
It's great to hear someone with such varied, eclectic tastes. You should try listening to some Chet Baker or Stan Getz if you haven't already. I've been told that it does the trick if you're ever looking to set the mood. Of course, if you're feeling less adventurous you might try and listen to some Norah Jones, but I'm sure you're already familiar with her work...:laugh: It's not difficult, seeing as how "mainstream" she's become in the last few years. Hah!

I love writing in my spare time. I really admire your persistence and dedication to pursue a dream and actually follow through with your novel. I wish you the best of luck. That's just really great. It makes me want to light up a cigar, dim the lights, and sit down on my vintage rocking chair from the mid 1860s and write. I need the inspiration, though. Maybe I'll find some from my upcoming vacation to Prague.

Los Angeles

02-25-2008, 02:48 AM

Divorce.

That's so totally white. Only white people divorce. LOL ROFL OMG, I'm so funny with my observation! Divorce is so white and it's so funny to point that out. I'm a genius.

bellisimo

02-25-2008, 05:58 AM

It's great to hear someone with such varied, eclectic tastes. You should try listening to some Chet Baker or Stan Getz if you haven't already. I've been told that it does the trick if you're ever looking to set the mood. Of course, if you're feeling less adventurous you might try and listen to some Norah Jones, but I'm sure you're already familiar with her work...:laugh: It's not difficult, seeing as how "mainstream" she's become in the last few years. Hah!

I love writing in my spare time. I really admire your persistence and dedication to pursue a dream and actually follow through with your novel. I wish you the best of luck. That's just really great. It makes me want to light up a cigar, dim the lights, and sit down on my vintage rocking chair from the mid 1860s and write. I need the inspiration, though. Maybe I'll find some from my upcoming vacation to Prague.

only thing you'll find in Prague are hot chicks and nice night life...
you should head out to Hungary while you are THAT close...

Wu-Gambino

02-26-2008, 10:16 PM

It's great to hear someone with such varied, eclectic tastes. You should try listening to some Chet Baker or Stan Getz if you haven't already. I've been told that it does the trick if you're ever looking to set the mood. Of course, if you're feeling less adventurous you might try and listen to some Norah Jones, but I'm sure you're already familiar with her work...:laugh: It's not difficult, seeing as how "mainstream" she's become in the last few years. Hah!

I love writing in my spare time. I really admire your persistence and dedication to pursue a dream and actually follow through with your novel. I wish you the best of luck. That's just really great. It makes me want to light up a cigar, dim the lights, and sit down on my vintage rocking chair from the mid 1860s and write. I need the inspiration, though. Maybe I'll find some from my upcoming vacation to Prague.
Has anyone heard of Gmina Świdnica, Lubusz Voivodeship? Of course not. There music is so incredible. The band consists of two Japanese women and a refugee from Kenya. The lead singer is a native of none other than Chicago. Most of the instruments are found objects, and a lot of the tracks are spoken words. Groundbreaking.

Of course you haven't heard of this band, they're so original, I am not even sure they exist.