I'm beginning to feel like the only reason I'm still having trouble getting out of bed in the morning is work. Which is a big step in the right direction for me. Huge, actually. I think I'm confident enough in the supplements that I'm going to tell my family to look at them, too.

I busted out my Convict Conditioning last night. I'm supposed to be doing it between the once a week lifting- but I haven't been. Boy did it show. Weak numbers. Very weak numbers. But I'm doing that for my tendons and ligaments. I don't particularly trust them, what with having lousy ankles and having busted a knee. And I think I'm starting to have the energy to actually excercise.

I like this blog because she makes me think. One of the things that she's made me consider is finding a place where "I want to plant trees." In other words, a place where I will be there long enough to see a tree mature. I'm much closer, now, than I ever was in Maryland.

But this one is also very pertinent to finding a perminant home. I have a lot of dreams- to be a novelist, to own a self-sufficient ranch, to know my land well enough to live off of it, to become a horse-packer. But in a world where a judge can tell us that we don't have the right to feed ourselves, what's the point of building a healthy, sustainable ranch? It's not like having a deed to the land means it can't be taken away. If I write what I want to write- how long until no one will publish it because it's not safe? I want to be able to take care of myself. Just myself. But it is very hard to do that these days, and only going to get harder.

I freely admit that I'm good at finding the worst in a situation and could qualify as somewhat paranoid. However- just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you, ya know?

Of course- just because I can see how it can go badly doesn't mean I'm not going to try anyway. In between bouts of apathy brought about by how ugly this world has gotten.

Woo hoo! We're finally getting the hell out of Iraq! About damn time! Don't get me wrong- I support the military. 99% of them are just doing a job- and God love'em for doing it- I couldn't. But most of the decisionmakers really ought to be taken out behind the woodshed and shot. Now I just hope that now that that major money-suck is ending maybe- just maybe- they'll get around to helping, you know, us. *crosses fingers*

In other news- I didn't feel like going to the gym, but if I didn't today then I wouldn't get a chance until Monday. No benchpress today- but I added weight to two of the three that I did- the squat press still being a little shakey. I didn't benchpress because I thought I needed to leave time to nuke my lunch so I could eat. I forgot how much it suppresses appetite. So- that will be my afternoon break. Yummy homemade chicken soup.

In yet other news- my teammates were way too impressed with the pipe cleaner spider I threw together. Halloween decorations for our team space. Seriously people- 30 seconds of google, 2 minutes of thought, and basic knowledge of spider anatomy. Ok- I did almost put the legs on the abdomen not the thorax, but I fixed it. I can't wait to see their reaction if I can get the big black widow to work out . . .

Saturday
B- eggs with cheese and bacon, tea with cream, tea with butter
L- cottage cheese
D- spaghetti squash, ribs with wine and cream (need to work on my cooking skills with that) The rest of the bottle of wine

Sunday was basically a fast. I woke up just in time to take my bed apart for airing before I went to church- so just tea. Then coffee because UUs always have coffee, and I was there to meet people. Then I had a wonderful conversation with one of the women and was just energized to go for a walk. So I did. Seven miles with a light pack later- I need to walk with a pack more often. My feet shouldn't hurt that much. I also need to get maps and a compass so I can start walking off the paved paths. Which will probably also help my sore feet, since they'll be used instead of just slapped on concrete.

I'm thinking about going back to a morning fast. With the Mood Cure I'm supposed to eat protein 3 times a day to make sure that I have the building blocks for my brain- but I'm just not that hungry- and I think I might be forcing too many calories in. It was nice on Sunday to be actually a little hungry by the time I got home.

B- 9:30? Scotch egg, tea with half and half
L- 1:30ish- one bite of the ribs with no desire for more
D- bacon, kale, egg scramble, summersausage and cheese

I just wasn't hungry yesterday. I think part of it might be that I need to re-bake the egg to cook the bacon more. Maybe that would help with the ribs? I dunno- I just didn't want anything . . . This is possibly partially due to a headache that I can't seem to ditch. I hate headaches.

I did some Convict Conditioning last night. Sad, sad numbers compared to 6 months ago. But at least I was moving?

On the up side- woke up this morning to snow! (mental note- wake up earlier to scrape off the car AND get to work on time) I'm not sure if it's snowing at the moment- a little hard to see out the window- but it's supposed to get serious around 9. Woo hoo! I love snow!

B- tea with coconut creamer
L- chicken cheesesteak sans bun and picking around veggies. I forgot people put veggies in their meat and cheese mocha (hey, it was snowing and the soup options were lousy)
D- 2 Scotch eggs heated up in the frying pan, pan-fried turnips

Ok- I need some weigh-ins if y'all would be so kind. I stink. I've been using a deoderant crystal- and it worked really well initially. Now, I need to scrape the top every time I use it for it to work at all (I think the rough edges help somehow), and it really doesn't last. I have tried the coconut oil/corn starch/baking soda- and it works- but my underarms get really irritated after a couple days of it. Right now I'm using just coconut oil- and it's working better than the crystal- but I wouldn't mind smelling a little less . . . human if you will. (I work in an office- this is more for the benefit of my co-workers than anything)

A little background- I haven't been using soap except for on my hands since probably June or July 2010. Shortly after that, I switched to baking soda and ACV for my hair. I'm up to 3 or 4 days of just rinses between washes now (REALLY impressive considering that my hair used to get greasy at the end of 24 hours after it was washed) I thought it might be my love-affair with garlic salt- but I dropped that for several days and it made no difference. My nose might be more sensitive- and I've always been sensitive about smelling like ANYTHING as I don't like drawing attention to myself. I do bathe (alright, very nearly) every night before work with water even if I'm not washing my hair with anything else.

Hmm I don't have any experience with no-soaping, though I am definitely interested in doing it myself, or non-standard deodorant, though I am very interested in using the crystals! Perhaps try a different brand of the crystal deodorant (I have such a hard time typing that word right!)? When you shower, do you scrub your pits with a loofa or wash cloth?

It was actually surprisingly easy to translate to no soap- but good point on the exfoliating. I'll give that a try. I hate to have to ditch the crystal- it's still got a lot left- but I guess if it's not working I should try something else.

BTW- I thought your comment about the cheese "just getting good" when it's starting to grow mold was hilarious. I thought that was just my family- I've certainly grossed out enough friends by doing it. Maybe it's a New England thing . . .

When I was on vacation I had to explain my "shampoo" to one of the other girls- since it was a group shower and she was wondering what the heck I was doing. I explained that I was working on "de-chemicaling" myself. Her response was a totally baffled "But why?"

And so that I don't have to log it tomorrow-
B- tea with coconut creamer
S- Tea with whole milk (the half and half was dead- yuck) and coconut oil
L- (3:00) home made chicken soup