PM PLANS TO TACKLE POTENTIALLY DIVISIVE GRAMMAR SCHOOLS BY FIRST LABELLING FAMILIES EITHER RICH OR POOR

System will allow us to fill quotas with token riff raff says PM

The expansion of grammar schools in England will be accompanied by conditions requiring them to take a proportion of riff raff, the prime minister has said.

Theresa May set out her position in a statement to the press yesterday, "We're tackling the issue of the divisiveness of grammar schools head on by first labelling families either rich or poor. This will enable us to clearly know how many token kids to let in for quota purposes.”

When pressed on the evidence of the benefits for Grammar Schools and their overwhelming appeal amongst members of her own party, she wistfully commented,

"Nostalgia really, the sound of leather on willow in the summer, boiled sweets hidden in desks, children arbitrarily flogged by dangerously eccentric and unhinged teachers. They were great days and we’re bringing them back," adding "We’re just grateful we can sneak this one through whilst labour are busy eating themselves from the inside out.

​Latest News:

PAUL HOLLYWOOD TO HEAD NEW CIVIL ENFORCEMENT AUTHORITY

UK TO REPLACE EU TRADE DEAL BY EXPORTING CONVICTS TO AUSTRALIA

KEITH VAZ RESIGNS AFTER SPENDING NIGHT WITH 25 YEAR OLD ESCORT

ROSA KLEBB SETS OUT PLANS FOR SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT

ENGLAND QUIETLY SHELVE TARGET OF WINNING 2022 WORLD CUP AND SOME OTHER MATCHES