Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.

So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow. It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that...

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo. None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Posted:3rd May 2007Clare, you do realise how many smiles you spread in that one post, right?

Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.Water can flow, or it can Crash.Be Water My Friend.

[You mean like a horrible smelly stumpy big toe? Yeah, and I'm thick too - I finally worked out what you meant (before reading all these posts) in the shower this morning and like "doh"!But I was still a little con-fuzzled as I thought the nori was seaweed so vegeterian??And fyi sashimi is sliced raw fish (and yummy!). Yes, some sushi has raw fish in, some purely vegetarian etc. I personally haven't been game to eat the salmon roe sushi or the sea-urchin egg gunky sushi, but all the other types are generally yummy! (But always taste better in Japan)

Did you read my wee story that went with that back on Page about 13(?) 21/04/07 ???Basically I'm saying that "try" doesn't exist. You either "Do" or "Do not". Try means to fail/fall short of a target. And I was suggesting that one has the capability to "do" but often we "do not" (fall short) simply becuase we mentally/sub-consciously chose to fall short or rather chose not to put the effort in to "do". Sometimes we do this from tiredness, frustration, anger, depression etc and sometime we have no other excuse except that we convinced ourselves we could not and so we enacted that situation.(oh, and sometimes we "do not" because of physical limitations such as load bearing capability, range of movement, technique training etc, and that's ok, but still you know those stories of mothers lifting a car off her baby etc etc which seem to defy this also...)

"Touch your nose" means realise you can "do" and so go and "do". [end ]

Ok... Tis not such great news as the last post, but because we're all still in good form, it doesn't seem quite so bad.

She received her second unit of blood today, but apparently, and for reasons I don't understand, it's led to fluid building up in her lungs. So she woke up this morning unable to breathe.

It was sorted out, but gave her a bit of a scare.

The nurse said this afternoon they didn't want to give the third unit of blood straight away in case the fluid build up should cause breathing problems and lead to heart failure.

It's all so matter-of-fact!

So, they're keeping her in again tonight, and hopefully she'll be out tomorrow morning. She's in a ward full of old people though, and I find that a bit unsettling... Mum's 66, but, well, she's not That old

Oh, and the child safe wrist band thing - I think it's probably something different - it's to keep YOU safe from the kids - probably made of celery or broccoli or something similar to repel the kids away from you??? Everyone needs saving from little miss cutesy's like that one!

Clare hope the transfusion goes fine. Now I am going to write up my lessons learnt from the weekend. Have a good rest of the weekend for everyone over the other side of the world (you are soooo behind the times! I was going to say "so last century" as the saying goes but that's a bit much of an exageration).George

So mum is doing very well since the transfusion... she's looking much more awake and upbeat... there's colour in her cheeks and she seems quite happy

There's more graphic details I could give you about her health... but yeuwww, you don't really want to know

We went on a family mission to the Mourne mountains yesterday - drove into the mountains and had some tea and biscuits by Spelga Dam. She was very happy I went too. Which was nice.

She's being really nice to me recently, telling me lots of lovely things, which she's never said to me before. It's all very good to hear and makes me happy...

But then I realise that she's telling me these things because a) she's dying and she wants me to know. B) she knows I'm a bit down at the minute and she's trying to cheer me up...

I suppose I should listen to what she says without over-examining it... but then, apparently I think too much at the best of times

Ok then, so since I'm feeling uncomfortable/guilty/mildly pathetic about using this thread as a personal rant... I'm going to break thoughts into points...

* Finding it hard to trust mum's current good health... kindof like being in limbo, with a looming dark cloud, waiting for the phonecall that says she's back in hospital. So, am enjoying it while it lasts, but it's uneasy... not peaceful.

* Still feeling down. Finding it hard to trust anybody or anything, as nothing can be relied on. Can't even rely on my own emotions... The only thing I know, for sure, is that I am on a rollercoaster that's going too fast.

* Am avoiding some people because I don't want to answer questions. Am contacting other's too much in some kindof bid to establish stability. Both situations make me feel guilty for not being stronger and letting people down.

* Am starting to get quite angry with people. It's a mix of frustration and paranoid insecurity, panic and exhaustion.

* Feeling guilty about the constant excuses for my behaviour. For not being stronger and wondering if my mind is actually falling apart. I spend time wondering how this will affect me in the future. Since I'm going through this alone, will I allow anyone to provide me with any kind of support in the future?

(With respect, please don't tell me that I'm strong, or that I don't have to apologise or feel guilty. I know many of you think that and the sentiment is appreciated. And I know occasionally, it's true.... but it makes me feel worse that for most of the time (nearly all the time), I don't believe that in myself)

Anyways... in other news...

I've also noticed that every single person I've spoken to recently is going through a difficult time. Relationships are splitting up, people are going through difficult times, people are feeling sad

I asked a friend who is into energy work about this... he said there is alot of very strong energy around at the minute... but not to look at it as negative... instead, it's changing. Which I suppose is true...