Wednesday, March 23, 2005

It's funny, I was thinking about it today. Relationship comes from the root word relation. What's the point of having one with someone you can't relate to?

"My mind has been wandering all day,can't seem to concentrate.Flashbacks to days long gone,memories that no one can alleviate.Happiness will be as new life comes forth,all we need is a spark.Condemnation throughout life,if only the mind could see.Stolen thoughts,and the forgery will be.The light shines down upon the petals,as we tiptoe over shells.Losing those who hear the beat,Cloaking you intentions under the heat.Colour the skies with big bright scars,sear the dark with your dazzling stars.Walk the line accross each day,How much time can we waste away?Carry the load against the tide,I still remember our innocence died.Carefree about the world,Savages beat me along your path."

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

*sighs*I just finished telling tyler that I don't want to be his friend until he can understand what it's like to be in a family, or at the very least, be married. I feel terrible, because I know it comes as a huge blow to him. I can't even explain how bad I feel, but I finally understand why it is that peopl say that married people shouldn't have single friends.I just pissed one of my closest, longest friends off. Basically because he doesn't understand what it takes to be a responsible part of a family, or a parent.He dropped in this weekend, and things just didn't go well for it.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Gosh. I stayed up till 2am lastnight trying to get D's cake done. Here I am now, got up at about 8:30 or so, and have been on the go ever since. Working on getting everything together for D's birthday party which we're having today. Spent a whole heckuva lot more than I should've on this party, but I'm hoping it's gonna be lots of fun for Darius. Having veggi and fruit platters. Strawberries, grapes and oranges, and celery, carrots and peppers. Also have an angel foodcake (which i only make on special occasions), and a special diabetic cake that devon can eat, depending on if he comes. mary called already and said that she got a call from Ron saying Devon wasn't feeling well.So, lastnight was hectic, worked, came home, cashed my cheque, went to Peachland (waste of gas cause the place we went to wasn't even open), came back and went to the dollar store for party supplies, then went to Extra, came home, discovered Tyler came (yay), and had dinner, then got dragged out to go bowling. Darius took my place on the bowling roster, got a 63 score for ten pin, with 2 strikes! Tyler decided to stay the night, so I'm appreciating spending time with him, and am glad he decided to come for the party.We spent in the area of an hour blowing up baloons for the party, went overboard and bought, like, 6 or 7 packs of them.Well, I guess that's enough time wasted on this thing, time to get back to business getting everything ready.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

God...I don't know about this full time stuff, this is my third week this month (duh) where I'm schedualed every day, all day. I don't know how normal people do full time work.Big cheque for this month. YayThings I'm fed up with:Being blamed because my son has 8 cavities. Everyone in this household contributes to the upbringing of my son, and I'm not raising him alone.Being told what I need to do, when I'm comfortable with what I'm doing.Being irritated at the pickyness of my boss.Trying to figure out how to work my budget, and have it not work everytime I just think I get it figured out.Being so flipping tired.Not being my son's main caregiver.Having to ask more than twice to have something done.Not being heard, and learning that it's hard to find someone to trust.Relying on family when I fuck up this bad.

I'm ashamed that I got bowled over this easy, and though I'm keeping it together, I think that's my problem, is that I haven't lost it because I'm so ashamed.I'm sick of having my head ripped off every time I try to help, and I'm sick of being told that because I enjoy giving my son treats that I'm a bad mother, and I'm sick of feeling guilty about going out to visit my friends after I get home from work, and I'm sick of not having the amount of time that I want to spend with my son that I'd like.Seems like every couple of months (or, every time I screw up big time) I get in a modd like this.

On a lighter note, there's a family reunion this year out in ole D'arcy, and regardless of what's happening in my life, I'm going. I don't remember the place at all, and I'd love to meet more family...and maybe try and have a good time with mine.Was thinkin this eve about the MMMF, that's Merrit Mountain Music Festival, and whether or not we're going. Chance wanted to cause Ty invited us. Was thinkin if ticket prices weren't too bad, I may just invite Marty and Rob. We'll see.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Yup, so Chance has it all figured out to go to the dealership about our truck. *sighs*It's about time for another one of our couple of month talks. Efforts' lackin buddy, don't allow distraction to knock you off a good kick.Gearing up for D's birthday, am gonna be broke, but that's ok.Another work week almost over. Gosh, it's been long. Immigration sending us a couple of letters. Taking care of that, getting the stuff ready for D's birthday (CBC Kids annouces Birthdays as long as you send them a star with your child's photo on it).It's just starting to feel like last year...crap crap and more crap.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Let's not get into everything in the last two/three days. How about we just kinda skim it?Darius has 8 cavities, and needs to be put under. Let's not touch the subject oof cost (which we could qualify for a government program that he could have most costs covered under).I'm trying to return my truck...who knows if they'll go for it, because they've already tried intimidating me.I'm finally through this long ass week. I don't know how regular people do it...work five days in a row. LOLUpdate: mom can't say KhakiTook a bunch of super cute pictures of Darius riding his tricycle. God, i swear, I'll never see anything so cute as him figuring out the pedals. Or his little legs pumping hard and him just enjoying the view.

About Me

Amber

I am a walking contradiction. I'm honest to a fault, but have learned to filter my thoughts to sting a little less. I'm growing at a glacial pace, and am inviting you to watch. It's about as much fun as watching paint dry, but at least you've got an invitation!