Sunday, November 10, 2013

Remembering

I
remember as a child the Remembrance Day parade of Legion members going down
Main Street to the Cenotaph at City Hall, taps being played, the salutes, the
laying of wreaths. The two minutes of silence- everyone stopped whatever they
were doing at 11 am for two minutes and paid their respects to those who died
for our freedom. As a child those two minutes seemed an eternity.

Not
much has changed since then- except there has been so many more wars and
soldiers killed. Some have died for our freedom and others we question what the
war was about. I started thinking of the effects of war, the deaths,
destruction, people returning home unable to speak of what they saw, PTSD, the
seeming senselessness, the fears war brings up, the anger, the divisions among
people on their beliefs on war; the range of emotions involved- such as shame,
remorse, guilt, anger, blame, righteousness, pride. It concerns me, for I truly
want this big blue planet to still be here and abundantly beautiful for my
grandchildren, future great grandchildren and their children to enjoy.

Peace or War?

I heard Dr. Bruce Lipton say a few years ago that we each are a microcosm of the world- that the wars that rage within us (illness, thoughts, emotions) is representative of the wars on earth, and the more whole and healthy we become, the more the earth will heal; the more peace and harmony we can create individually, the more peace and harmony is created on the planet. So how do we create peace within ourselves?I
remember when I really got that my thoughts create my reality- either creating
a Heaven or Hell here on earth. Yet, even with knowing that, I still fall into
old beliefs that I unquestioningly follow, which lead to feelings and emotions
that are not friendly, but familiar. Then I wake up and remember I have choice,
and do something to change them, such as choosing a different thought, or using
a technique like tapping or writing or Byron Katie's The Work.

We
talk about taking responsibility for our lives and our choices, about not
blaming others for what is happening, instead looking at our part in it. Nobody
makes us angry or mad or happy or sad- it is our reaction to what the other
person said or did that creates our emotions. (However, new brain scans show
that when we are with someone and listening to them our brains do start working
alike- if we are with someone happy, we are happy- if they are angry, we feel
anger). Some people misinterpret responsibility to mean blaming themselves for
what is not going right in their world, becoming a victim of themselves!

If
we have been affected by a toxic relationship, whether it's a boss or lover or
parent, it is often natural when our esteem is low to blame the other person
for how we feel, then as we start feeling stronger to start blaming ourselves
for giving our power away to another. Responsibility isn't about making us
victim- it is about taking a look at our part and seeing what we can do
differently next time. There are always powerful lessons to learn if we choose
to look for them. We need to practice compassion, acceptance and understanding
with ourselves, and continue the practice until we change that way of thinking
and eventually our neural pathways.

A
blame-free way of communicating with others was developed by Marshall
Rosenberg, called Compassionate (Non-Violent) Communication. It was first
created for personal relationships and is now being used in businesses and
hospitals. It is a way of talking that increases trust and reduces natural
defensiveness. If you are interested in finding out more about it, there are
some great YouTube videos below:

Resonance or Dissonance?

Mark Waldman and Andrew Newburg, two neuroscientists, have discovered through brain scans that as we honestly speak positive thoughts and feelings to another person, both people's brains start resonating with positive thoughts and feelings (neural resonance). When we listen to and see another person displaying kind, loving, peaceful, compassionate and generous behaviours, we begin to act the same way. Brain scans show your brain begins to mirror the neural activity of the other person's brain. They identified when you see the goodness in others they see it in you; called reciprocal altruism. However, when you show anger or other negative thoughts and feelings, it repels others; they go into fight or flight (neural dissonance). How many fights, arguments and wars would be eliminated if we stopped, relaxed, listened and chose to speak with compassion and kindness? How much better would we feel in relationships with others and ourselves if we practiced this?What
if next time toxic emotions like blame, anger, sadness, jealousy, hurt, fear or
guilt surface, you took a few breaths, fully accepted them and then let them
go? Brain scans show these toxic emotions shut down parts of our brain. Choose
to look at the situation differently, through eyes of compassion,
understanding, acceptance and forgiveness, toward yourself and others. This can
be a wonderful opportunity to change to a belief that better serves you,
creating peace and harmony within yourself first and maybe even the planet!

I choose to remember peace and harmony; and you, what do you choose?Until next time, be good to yourself! Treat yourself with love and compassion, and remember, YOU are your greatest asset!Norma Reid, Life Coach and Trainer