Finally, a Professional Golfer Who Cares Enough to Take Steroids

November 2, 2009

A very wise man (who probably worked for Bill Belichick) once said, that if “you ain't cheatin, you ain't tryin!” World Series champions, Super Bowl heroes, and meth-addicted spelling bee legends all know that in order to get ahead, you’re going to have to break some rules – something the first professional golfer ever to get caught for banned substances realized today.

Sure, anybody who’s ever seen Phil Mickelson or John Daily has immediately thought “there’s no way those guys get their bodies without steroids,” but surprisingly enough it was neither of these two golfing Adonises that got nailed for using performance enhancing drugs.

The honor goes to Doug Barron, a 40-year-old Tennessee native who may or may not have a Match.com profile that lists “anal injections” and “long walks on the beach” under his special interests section.

Barron may be suspended for up to one year (you’re welcome, Tiger), be fined up to $500,000, and possibly be known as the only golfer to ever get caught taking performance-enhancing drugs.