CALL ME A TIGHTWAD,

In the heart of the bluegrass region, they called me America's Tightwad.

The Herald-Leader, the daily newspaper in Lexington, Ky., came up with the nickname when they invited me to visit the city for a financial talk - a "cheap evening with Humberto Cruz," they called it.

The hospitality was great, and the area and the people couldn't be lovelier.

So I think it's only fair I try to upgrade my image.

A tightwad, according to one of the definitions in my dictionary, is "a miserly person."Sounds pretty negative to me.

Besides, a tightwad does not spend $4,000 on a 61-inch screen television set as I did, and more than that - the total still to be computed - for a family trip to Europe in May.

Instead of tightwad, America, call me something more positive, and sexier. How about America's KISSER: Knowledgeable Investor, Smart Saver, who Enjoys his Riches. Every week in this column I will attempt to focus on smart money management, not tightwaddery.

If you really want tightwad, then try these unsurpassed ideas from readers of this column, who shall remain anonymous. Enjoy them one last time. You might not save all that much, but you'll have fun reading.

In no particular order:

-- Use liquid dishwashing detergent (bought with coupon) in place of shampoo. It's amazingly identical to higher priced shampoo. If you don't want your friends and guests to know it's dishwashing detergent, simply refill an empty shampoo bottle with the detergent.

-- For writing instruments, I use small tree twigs. I trim them some and only buy pen refills at office supply stores. Benefits include lower costs in writing instruments and reduced waste, and I always have a unique writing instrument. But they don't fit into my shirt pockets too well.

-- Next time you visit a fast-food restaurant, take cheese slices with you and order the burgers without cheese. You can save 10 cents to 25 cents per burger this way.

-- Off-brand coffee filters can be purchased as cheap as 200 for 69 cents - far less than paper towels - yet perform many functions of a paper towel. Put on a plate to lay cooked bacon, fries, etc., to soak up unwanted grease. Use to clean windows, glass top tables, etc. Being cupped, they hold chips, snacks, etc. better than paper towels.

-- For snags on panty hose, cut off the leg that has a snag just below the heavier top section. Save the rest until you have a snag in another pair when you'll again cut off the snagged leg. Put together and you have a "new" pair of pantyhose with two new legs and layered top.

-- If your patio or step area has developed cracks, simply use the design and expand on it. With a narrow brush and contrasting paint, paint over the crack, following it, then continue on adding a design of other "cracks" to create a look similar to flagstone.

-- Each year, I put away the prior year's calendars to use at a later time. A perpetual calendar such as in The World Almanac lists which years have the same setup. For instance, 1994 began on a Saturday and is not a leap year. Therefore, I am using calendars from 1983, 1977 and 1966.

-- I change a Schick injector blade every three months; Jan. 1, April 1, July 1 and Oct. 1 and I shave seven days a week. I find the secret is in how well the beard is prepared. I wash my beard a minimum of two minutes with soap and hot water and rinse the soap off with water as hot as I can tolerate.

I like these blades so well that several years ago when I had difficulty finding them, I went out and purchased enough to last me until I am 90 years old.

-- You could save even more both in time spent and in supplies by stopping shaving altogether. You can trim your beard once every few weeks with a pair of scissors, as I do.

-- My water heater is on the west side of my basement. My kitchen sink is on the east side of the kitchen. The water pipe is about 28 feet long to the sink. I thought I was wasting water when I would get the hot water to kitchen sink. I use a gallon jug to catch the water until the warm water is there. Then I use that water later on to wash vegetables or whatever. I know this does not amount to much, but it was hard on me to see that water just run down the drain.

And the clincher:

-- When you are at work or out and about, always use the restroom just before returning home. You will save a lot of money in a year's time by using other people's toilet paper. That's it. I'm calling it a day at the office and going home. And no, I won't be stopping in the men's room first.