I’m not exactly sure what I expected my thirties to look like, but for the longest, I was not a fan. Motherhood was okay. My kids are gorgeous, but I felt that being thirty was for the birds. I was still young enough to appreciate my youth, but old enough to see it waning away before my eyes. I was living life and loving life, but I just was not as excited as I had been in the past. It was like a dark cloud loomed over my head to remind me that every day I was one step closer to “being older”… because 30 is not the new 20.

At some point, I decided to start a blog. Looking back, I believe this is one of the main reasons I have learned to thrive in my thirties. I mean the blog is what it is, but the lessons…the lessons in my face in plain black and white are tough to ignore.

So without further ado, I will share how I learned to thrive in my thirties…so that you too can thrive in your thirties.

1. Recognize toxic people.

Some of us are in toxic relationships. Some of us are in toxic friendships. Some of us are in toxic work environments. Some of us ARE the toxic in our environment. In my thirties, I have learned to watch the words that others feed me. I watch conversations – both direct conversations that involve me and indirect conversations that take place around me but do not directly involve me…I watch the words I feed myself. I guard the conversations that take place within me. Life is tough enough. It needs no assistance from intentional toxicity. Recognize it as quickly as it invites itself in, and impolitely escort it out.

2. Find your tribe.

After you have eliminated the toxic people, make sure you surround yourself with people that love you, with people who want to see you win. Your spouse should want to see you win. Your best friends should want to see you win. You should be able to feed off the energy of your tribe.

This is not to say that your tribe never needs your energy in return. Part of tribe life is your ability to help them see the light also, to encourage them, to be a shoulder for them. My tribe wants to see me succeed – as a mother, as a blogger, as a teacher, as a coach, as a wife, as a Christian…They silently and not so silently cheer me on. It takes a village. Find a good one. Find your tribe. Love them hard.

3. Make new friends.

Too many of us find our tribe, then stop looking. We live and breathe the words of DJ Khaled’s song “No New Friends.” We are closed. Point blank period. This is NOT life as intended. Seasons change. People go, but people must also come. You have to let them in. I am forever grateful for my co-workers at my current school. They have seen some of the lowest moments of my thirties. They accepted me no questions asked. In addition, my husband pretty much pushed me out the door to attend a wine club that one of my former acquaintances (now friend) hosts in one of the neighboring cities. I now meet with those ladies not only for wine club, but for birthday parties and outings at the lake. We need people like this. We need new perspectives. We need new life.

4. Never stop playing.

My orders (for those who do not know) for 2018 have been to play with my children. Yet, not only children require the power of play. Adults need to have fun too. As I dance around the house to Bible songs, and my kids intentionally pick one of my favorites, I find that I am having as much fun if not more than the kids. I like going to the pool and the beach as much or more than the kids. I love to create and decorate and DIY (the kind of DIY that does not require power tools). Every one of us has a little girl still living inside of us, that we shush many times in our thirties. We tell her we are too old for that. We tell her that her time has passed. Love her. Let her out. Let her live.

5. Learn to love yourself.

AS IS. We look at old pictures. We reminisce. We appreciate the beauty of a life we are no longer living and we begin to resent the person we are now. Yes, you need to love the little girl, but you also need to love the grown woman you have become. Doll yourself up. Unleash the super in your natural. Take care of yourself. Love yourself right now…not after you lose a few more pounds…or make a few more dollars…or whatever else it is you are waiting for in life. Right now is all we have.

6. Lean on the Lord

Some of us are living the hardest days of our lives. Our circumstances are staring us in the face. We cannot think about people – toxic or otherwise. We cannot think about loving ourselves, or playing, of finding a tribe or new friends. We are just trying to survive. And rightfully so, may I add. Some of us need guidance. Some of us need a helping hand. Some of us are struggling to hold together all of the pieces. Some us us are taking life one day at a time. Some of us are riding amazing highs. Some of us are stomaching heart wrenching lows. Wherever you are, leaning on the Lord is absolutely essential in order for any thriving to take place. I recently began to collect and create printables of God’s promises to hang around the house. I need constant reminders of who God is and what He can do.

You can grab this one for free now for personal use around your own house. (One of the plans God has for me in the not so distant future is to make a little extra selling these bad boys.)

7. Rest

We live in a world that tells us “no days off.” People tell us to hustle, sleep, repeat. They tell us to make to-do lists and section off time in our days to get all of these things done. You can do it all…for a little while, but eventually your body…your lifestyle…even if everything you are doing is amazing…will require rest. In order to flourish, you must carve out time to take a time out. A moment alone with a book, or with sunshine, or with nothing but the company of yourself.

***

We were born to shine. Not just in our twenties, but in our teens, and thirties, and forties, and fifties, and sixties. If you are still here, then you have a purpose, and your job is to make sure you see that purpose through until the very end. Thriving is not an exclusive event made available only to those with special invitations. It is for all to enjoy from our unique perspectives with our unique gifts. Thriving happens when we recognize our ordinary is extraordinary.

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Published by ordinarilyextraordinarymom

My name is Brittany Bonnaffons, and I feel like I should have life figured out by now. I also feel like the world judges us by unrealistic standards. I have dedicated this blog to challenging standards and instead embracing yourself for who you are - ordinarily extraordinary.
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Love this read….I didn’t see #7 coming! This one always slaps me in between my physical, emotional and spiritual eyes! There always seems to be do something that needs, should or could be done….at the expense of the rest. Thank you for the reminder and slap between the eyes!
P.S.
Great pictures!!

Thanks! I love taking photos and I LOVE getting rest even though most times I ignore it when I really need it…like now…as I convince myself to finish one more load of laundry and a 30-minute YouTube video AND be in bed wishing the next 45 minutes. *sigh* The cycle continues.

I so resonate with this! My thirties have been defined by motherhood and I love it but it is so different from my twenties… Your advice is exactly right – finding community and leaning on God have been what have helped me breathe.

I love each point you make. All can be applied to whatever age we are approaching. For me, I loved my 30’s. It is as if I finally grew up in my 30’s. 🙂 However, my 50’s of which I’m in right now I’ve struggled. Loss of energy, a few mild health issues, etc. have complicated life a bit. It’s important, though, to embrace each stage of life with the same vigor we did when younger. God uses us in all stages of life. Thank you for the reminder and great next steps.

Great advice! Wish I had read this when I was 30 .. ha!
I especially agree with the getting away from toxic people. I feel like that’s a common theme we figure out in our 30’s. For me, it was figuring out who was dragging me away from being my best self – who was distracting me from serving God and others. I decided that serving the demands of toxic people weren’t worth sacrificing being the best mom I could be or worth keeping me from the ministry I felt called to. It was hard, but worth it.

And I love that you mention letting people in. I think it’s so easy to get settled in the friends and relationships we have, but God may have something for us or for someone else in a new relationship. 🙂

I am slowly weeding out toxic people. The hardest are the ones who I feel like have been there for me, but are no good for me now. It’s like holding on to memories of a person that non longer exists. Thankfully God strategically placed new people for a season or a lifetime to give us new perspective and growth.

The first thought that always comes to my mind when I visit your blog is your unique pictures. You’ve taken a most more natural approach to images than many bloggers I know, myself inclusive. I really like that.

What you said about being in the thirties was very relatable. I have just finished my thirties, so that makes it extra interesting. It’s so life-giving and positive to follow your blog because you share with an honest heart what’s going on in your life.

The sentence that stuck with me after reading this was: “Too many of us find our tribe, then stop looking. ” This is an excellent point, and something I will take with me from your blog post.

As you say, right now is all we have. I really like that approach. I am a Christian myself, and I know you are, but personally, I have a problem with Christian brothers and sisters who have left this life and ‘live in heaven’ already. There’s an aura of everything here being secondary because everything will be better in heaven.

I can never keep up with what pictures are supposed to look like. I follow other bloggers’ pages and download the apps. I compare my images to theirs my Pinterest pinnable photos, and then I just stopped one day. I still like looking at beautiful layouts and flows but I only know how to be myself so what you see is what you get 😂

Thanks so much for your kind words. Glad you were able to take something away. I definitely enjoy all the information I get from yours as well!

I love the make new friends point. It can be so easy to find and hold onto your tribe, but then we fall into the trap of being comfortable and not wanting to do the work of making new friends. This was great wisdom you shared!

Thanks Emily. I had zero desire to meet new people until God forces the idea on me. I was in a situation where He said, “Yoi can operate inefficiently on an island or you can embrace the people I sent for you.” Clearly I chose the latter.

I love these points. Especially finding your tribe because I feel like we don’t really figure that out until our thirties. As we get older we lose a lot of the friends from when we were younger. So yep, i definitely endorse new friends.. and also that 30 is the new 20 😛
Great read 🙂

Thanks Candace! I have only VERY recently adopted this mentality. I was super closed and super aware of the fact that I had no inkling to meet anyone new. Opening myself for new friends has truly blessed my life in a way I never could have imagined.

I don’t know what my purpose is here anymore so that’s hard for me to keep trying to work toward it but I know what I have grown to want and need in the recent years so I am trying to remember to not let anybody else dampen my desire to make a life for myself that I want to remember instead of one I wish I could forget. Easier said than done though.

I think we all lose our purpose at some point in time. We cannot see the bigger picture or we feel like we are at a standstill. I think what you are doing is how we get through those periods of life…never let anyone or any circumstance dampen your desire for a life you love to live. One step at a time. One day at a time. XOXO

Thanks love!! I am learning to embrace my journey every step of the way. Continue to enjoy the rest of your twenties and then when they’re over, give them a bittersweet good-bye, then smile and take on your thirties!!

Very Interesting article. There is no need to worry too much about adding years Brittany, my age starts with a 6 so double your age 😛 As long as you maintain your health and have faith in the lord as you do, with age you become wiser and also have more free time as the children have grown up. I used to think of older years when I was young too, but now that I am going past my middle years, I find I am much more mature and look at life in a different way, and appreciate how life is for me at this present time. Of course at any age there are ups and downs and with older age one learns to handle them in a wiser way. Also as we all know growing in years cannot be stopped. So the best thing I find is to accept it graciously, am I correct or not 🙂
Thanks for your tips on how to thrive in your thirties. They do very well for sixties too 😀 Much Love and Light from me 🙂 ❤