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Okay So Your In A Bad Relationship.

We have all been there, fuck I have even been in some fucked up relationships with women I even liked. Sometimes we are better left as friends than trying to make a relationship work.

I have been in relationships I knew where not going to work, but I stayed because it was convenient at the time. If your in such a relationship you have to know in your mind when it is time to go, cut your loss’s and get the fuck out.

Sometimes we enter relationships just for the security, knowing someone is there. Sometimes we need that interaction, we need company, so we settle for less.

Then sometimes we enter relationships that start off good, and everything seems to be flowing in a good direction, then it is like you hit a brick wall, and your like what the fuck just happened.

So you let things get to what the fuck happened ? How do you fix this ? You talk and you talk and you talk, but things are just going from bad to fuck me.

Abuse does not have to be physical, no no no abuse comes in many different forms. It can be verbal, it can be mental, mental is the worst because you never know what to expect, just like physical you never know when he is going to knock the fuck out of you.

Mental abuse stays with you, more so than physical. A black eye will go away, the words you stupid bitch will not.

so now you have to figure out what your going to do, you have to figure out how your going to fix something you did not even break. What is your time line ?

How long are you going to stick around hoping things will get better? 6 Months ? a year ? 2 years ? Maybe your just so insecure you want to leave but you cant ? Last maybe you get off on the abuse but you don’t know it. Maybe you get off on the humiliation and you don’t know it, and I am sure that happens.

It is easy to replace a dumbass , as a matter of fact you can replace a dumbass in less than a week.

To replace a dumbass with someone who is really going to be there for you, respect you, understand you, someone who wants to understand you. Someone who cares about your feelings and needs, you get the picture. That type of relationship will take some time.

You can pretend the stupid will go away, but the truth is, once the stupid kicks in, it just loses all control, and you cannot stop it.

You are never stuck, there is always an out, there will always be someplace you can go. You are never stuck.

I have a very dear friend who is in such a relationship, her Boyfriend is mentally abusive. Everyday there is something, they never go a day without fighting.

Let me tell you what I did. I gave them a place to live when they had no place to go, I put a roof over their head. They did pay rent once they got on their feet, but I knew from the beginning he was some kind of stupid. He was in trouble running from the police, active warrants , and still today he is wanted, but Vile kept his mouth shut.

K I will call her is very sick, more so physically but she has some mental issues as well, but now she is on meds.
She has no medical insurance , so I walked her through the steps to get the things she needed, I will also add her Boyfriend played no part in anything.

I knew she had to get counseling I helped her with that and I made sure she went. She is very sick physically a lot of problems going on.
She is not able to work, I helped her get her disability , and last week she received her first check for 2100 dollars and a check for 16.000 is on the way.

How much did Vile take from K ? None, nothing money did not even cross my mind, that is hers.
I also agreed to be her payee, because her BF cannot be, because he is a felon. Because he did something stupid and he is not willing to man up. Shrugs.

So I am not looking to gain anything, the satisfaction I got was seeing her improve, making sure she got the help she deserved.

The few things I stressed was, to be honest at all times, tell the truth, do everything by the book, and never give up. If you follow those steps nothing will ever go wrong. There may be a few obstacles you run into, but you stay on track and good things will come.

K will have to make up her mind here pretty soon as far as what she is going to do to make her environment better, because in life there are always options.

What can your partner do for you, I am not talking about money, or maybe that is the way you roll, maybe money runs your life, maybe money makes you feel better, but you can be rich and still be poor.
How is your partner there for you, are they walking the same path as you are?
Are they devoting as much time as you need?
Are they communicating with you on a regular basis?
Are they showing on a daily basis they need you?
Are they showing you they understand you?
There are many factors that come into play..

If your waking up miserable on a daily basis, or your arguing on a daily basis, then sometimes you just have to say fuck it and throw in the towel. It does hurt and will probably hurt for a long time, but do not go down with a sinking ship if it was not your fault, and you had no hand in it sinking.

You can be a submissive in the same situation as well, again you have to decide how much time you want to waste …. Because the longer you wait it out the more your going to miss out on. Just saying..

The one thing you have to remember, most of our problems are self inflicting, so for the most we are in control of our own life

The flip side. Sometimes, Vile, unbeknownst – you can be the enabler or the reason for your partner’s continued distress. You think you are helping: you are strong, you are consistent, you are successful. But you give assistance and it takes a long time to finally realize that the partner cannot get it together because they have not been forced to get it together. You held them back.

Though you most likely will not expect it, you will never get your assets back and the distress of determining you were part of the problem, not the solution – is mentally painful.

When they get it together, they want you back and you have to say, “No, I was the problem.”

Dievca’s point occurred to me as well. However, when someone you love is hurting it is nearly impossible to resist doing whatever you can to help them.

Had things went terribly wrong, and you hadn’t helped you would have to live with that guilt as well.

We do what seems right at the time. Right or wrong, (I do not know) you’re motivation was genuine and honorable.

Given the fact that you have helped K in so many ways besides money, counseling, etc…I can’t totally agree that you were enabling.

You were being a good friend, your motivation was from the heart.

What K chooses to do with your offerings is completely up to her. If she continues down a bad path, then maybe it’s time to readdress the enabling possibility. If she turns things around, I think you’ll have played a vital role on her recovery.

Maybe I should elaborate on that?. I have a little voice in my head.. *his* voice. It tells me all day every day, “you’re a fuck up. You’re nothing but a fuck up. The o lay reason I keep taking you back is because you can’t take care of yourself.”… his voice.. His words… Its been 15+ years and I’m still ruled by his words…. No one understands that…. And even as early as 8 years ago I almost married him.. After being asked back for gazillion’th time… No one understands that… I don’t even understand it….