Thursday, June 14, 2012

Friends and the last week of school

Throughout my life I have been afraid of losing my friends. Yet, if I am being honest, I have often felt that there was something missing in the very friendships that I clung to. That I had to be "on my best behavior" or they wouldn't want to be my friend any longer.

Not the friendships of my childhood, where I lost myself in one or two special soul mates, and someone ceased being just my friend for a season, and instead became an extension of me.

But the friendships of adulthood, which should be easier to come by, and often are because of play dates and story hours and such, often produce fruits that do not stand the test of time. Families move away, your kids stop being friends, you develop different interests, you realize that that husband did really annoy the crap out of you and you can finally admit it.

I love and value the friends that I have had over the 33 years of my life. But I must say that I have some precious friends that I have stumbled upon as of late, and I feel as though I have hit the jack pot. With them I can absolutely be myself...whatever that is at the moment...and they accept me 100%. That is a pretty empowering feeling. Talk about girl power.

Here we are with some of our friends at Sugar House Park

Here is Dalton and his best friend Jack, with Garrett and Sis at one of our favorite after-school hangouts, Elizabeth's Bakery, where we get homemade scones with clotted cream and lemon curd and tea...talk about a fun after school snack. They usually get some funky British candy or soda too.

Here are some of my best gals at a fun evening get together.

Ahhh, how I love them.

More park action with the little ones.

Oh, could he be any cuter? Just like Shelby, where his smile swallows up his face.

More of the boys, this time surfin the web for video games or lacrosse stuff.

At Kilby Court for a friend's band.

And here we have misery loving company. This is one of the last days of school for Shelby where she had her Fun Run, and let's just say, the end was not fun. She was pretty ticked about the fact that she ran so fast once she realized that she could have just loafed it and walked the whole damned way...why didn't someone tell her that she didn't have to give everything 100% effort?!?

Here are her 1st grade friends, after an otter pop and some water to soothe the pain of the victory.

Dan and Mom came to Shelby's final soccer game and Dalton's final lacrosse game. Aside from Garrett pouring a drinkable yogurt on Shelby's head for no reason, and Dalton's team getting spanked, it was a fun game.

Dalton didn't really think so. His Alice Cooper eyes show that he was NOT feeling the love with how this last game went. He did well, but he wasn't happy with the positions he had to play and the fact that he didn't score a goal (even though he blocked like 20 playing the keeper).

Pizza and watermelon afterwards made it a little more bearable.

After Shelby's fantastic soccer season ended, we had a party. Here are the pics from it. I love these gals.

We had amazing BBQ, and homemade carrot cake.

The kids played and played in the sun.

It is nice to have good friends. I take that back, it is life saving and life affirming to have good friends. I am SO thankful that my kiddos have good friends as well. Makes the journey for everyone a whole lot more enjoyable.

This past month or so I did something that I have never done before...I unfriended someone on facebook. A year ago I never would have thought to do that because my mindset was that even if I had nothing in common with a friend, even if that friend made me feel like dirt, they were still my friend...and you never know! What if I was in an earthquake some day and I needed that friends help? What if I had kidney failure and that friend is my only match for a donor? Forget about the fact that I didn't really want to hang out with friends like this, it just made me feel safe knowing they were there, like the back-up, back-up parachute.

But then a "friend" said some really hurtful stuff, and said it in a way that was so passive aggressive and so offensive that my alarm bells started going off in my head. Maybe they had been going off all along, but I could now finally hear them. And suddenly I was past overlooking the negative because "people can change" or "it's nice to be friends with people from all walks of life" or "you never know what the future holds". Nope, I was done. And as scary as that was, it ended up being so liberating. I was freed from pretending that this person was my friend, and I was able to open myself up to some new authentic friendships.

So yeah, I'm not over my fear of losing friends just yet, but I do think that I am finally seeing the beauty in the whole quality verses quantity thing and if I have even just a few loyal good apples, then I am content.

My Story

Grew up in Happy Valley, which explains my perpetual state of happiness. Married young, (well duh, we had been on at least eight dates already and my nineteen year old clock was ticking. Plus, how long could we really hold out..eef you know what I mean?) Made life a living hell for my husband Gavin for a couple of years, just because you can do that when someone is bound to you for the rest of eternity, and your only other long-term relationship was with Luke Perry from 90210. Got pregnant young, (we'd been married for three years already- my eggs were practically shriveled up..and plus that birth control was really hard to remember to take). We moved as a happy family to Boston, after Gavin graduated from BYU with his MBA. I was determined to make friends with as many non-mormons as possible, so that I could be the most worldly mormon from Utah and possibly convert all my new friends so that we could all live in the same cul-de-sack in the Draper/Alpine neighborhood of the Celestial Kingdom. They succumbed to being my friend, but didn't fall for the mormon part. Much to my surprise, I learned that even without being born under the covenant, they were nice people who liked their kids and didn't beat them, or mope around the house in deep depression all day wondering what the meaning of life was. Wowzers. Had a lot of fights with Gavin. He worked his arse off in consulting, while I spent my arse off with money that we didn't have. Started connecting dots. Fought some more with Gav. Got pregnant again, cause we can't just have one child, even if we do hate each other. Had some life-changing experiences with women who would forever be bonded to me through the shared perils of life and motherhood. Moved away from Boston, so that we could afford a house, let the kids see their relatives, and so that I could go back to school. Wanted to die, die, die for about two years. Thought that Utah and I were not destined to be roomies. Started back up at school at the U. Liked using my brain again for non-kid-related things. Started to like life again. Wondered if I should get pregnant again. Thought that three sounded just a titch more fun than two, so decided that three it was. Had a hell of a time with being pregnant at the end, as well as the whole first year of the baby's life. Think I lost my sanity for a bit along with the placenta. The kid ended up being a keeper, and is now the mascot of our family. We have a gecko, a stray fat black cat, and a new little shelter kitten. We live in Salt Lake near the University of Utah. We have an old house. I have big plans for a remodel, that divert my attention from my studies on days I need an escape. I have been journaling since I could write my name. My mother figured that it was safer than sex and rock-n-roll. I have been blogging for about two years. I am en route for a Master of something degree. Some days it's a Master of Social Work, other days it's a joint Master of Public Administration. Other days I just want to collect data on the why's and how's behind life. Who knows- maybe I'll drop out and go to hair school (no offense bro). So now a days, I have chilled out somewhat. I am most-of-the-time happily married to Gavin (Don't ask me how that one came about. Think we both just screamed "Uncle" at the same time and called it a draw), who most-of-the-time acts like an adult. I have three kids who are most-of-the-time stellar (and who, to be honest I REALLY LIKE. Again, who knew?!) and most-of-the-time I am content, even if I may be tired, or angry, or venting, or sad, or overwhelmed...under it all I feel pretty dang content...which is nice. I would say that my life right now most resembles the movie Ground Hog Day, with Bill Murray. Each day seems eerily similar, and luckily I have had a lot of chances to try and do better. Oh, things that weird me out are people who are never mad-sad-wrong-or crappy, giant SUV's, thinking about lame things I've done-said-thought in the past, having sick kids where I feel powerless, pretending I like someone/something I don't, pretending period, giving a crap about insignificant things, dealing with lame stuff, and having a fake tooth, a widow's peak, mild acne, and identity confusion as to whether I am supposed to be a blond or a brunette. Other than that, it's all good.

Good Reads

Just finished this book last night. Why did I wait so long to read it? Saw myself in one of the characters..which was painful. I was envious as I read many parts of this book, because Stegner is such a genius. I was jealous of his gift....

I liked the movie well enough..good eye candy. And was the only person on the planet who had not read the book. I was disappointed. It was like reading a script of The Young And The Restless. It's one thing to sit through it..it's anoth...

While the author's style was a little redundant at times, the subject matter and characters in this book were fresh and uncensored. Seeing the senior year of high school in a gang and drug ridden neighborhood in east L.A. through the eyes ...

When I initially read this book five years ago, I would have given it an A++. Question an organized religion...are you kidding? I was unaware of most or all aspects of the Catholic faith, and it felt like being a peeping Tom inside of a s...

The reason that Gavin and I are still married. Life saving. A deep look at why we are attracted to who we are, and why it's supposed to be so gut-wrenchingly hard at times. A wake-up call for those in a marriage on auto-pilot. Loved it.

It's been a while since I've read this. I need to go back and re-read it. A bit controversial in some points I remember..like the discussion about abortion having the upside that it prevents future criminals from being born and therefore ...

Why is it that depending on the mood I am in, or perhaps how much sleep I have had, I either love this book or hate it? Lately it bugs me more often than not. I used to think that this book's message was the bounds of a mother's love and ...

One of the best books I have read. A voracious journal-er, whose main stumbling block was his own sense of inadequacy, John Adams was one of the most complex characters in our nation's history. Passionately believing in his own set of ide...

Read this book in my younger days when anything written by a liberal was basically on par with cheap drugstore porn. Was thankfully confused when I found myself impressed with Hillary Clinton, against what I thought was my better judgement...

For religious and non-religious alike..this is a must read. He has a nice sense of humor, but his dry English wit can seem a bit callous and unsympathetic. His reasoning is sound and his dialogue is the type of kindling that will jump sta...

We were the underdogs. And if you ever thought that it was divine providence that led George Washington's ragged group of men to overcome the odds and claim America as their own, you doubt it while reading this book.

Much ado about nothing? Hmmm. I think that it was revolutionary for it's time, because no one wrote the truth. This book, and the main character, seem so ordinary today, because we are comfortable with rambling self-reflection. But when...

I used to think that I loved reading non-fiction because I preferred a true tale over fiction. However, when you read an author like Franzen in the book The Corrections, you realize that fiction may be the only real place you can tell the ...

Is it just because I had such high expectations, after reading The Corrections, that I was disappointed? On the cover of Time, on Oprah, written up in every publication, etc. I mean, how could it be anything but fantastic? It will certai...

I give this book five stars because I think that it is a profound idea that Byron Katie is introducing- especially for those who are tormented with the weight of worry about those people and circumstances around them that they feel as thoug...

On Chesil Beach was an incredibly quick read that grabs you from the start (hello- a virgin on her wedding night set in England in the 1960's), and continues to impress with the vivid details the author paints each scene with, until the ver...

I almost wet my pants at times. I think that is the greatest compliment that you can give to an author who is telling a witty and funny little story. He is telling stories from his own life, which are at times terribly painful, yet he doe...

Another winner by Sedaris. Every story a gem. Every childhood tragedy and embarrassment turned in to a witty self deprecative look in to his self. Laughed throughout the entire thing, and got teary at a couple of them. I highly recommen...

What can I say, I love David Sedaris. Laughing outloud with every darling short story. Amazed by his ability to tell such intimate and sometimes painful stories from his childhood where he can see the insanity but makes no judgement about...

I was surprised that I liked it. Thought that it was going to be just fluff. And there was plenty of that. But plenty of thought provoking themes as well. Great stuff for young adults, and a great way to start a conversation about Ameri...

OK, I was kind of gagging that I had to read this. I mean, haven't I read enough pioneer tales for one life already? How many more sugar coated tales of surviving death by praying could I take?...and then I read this. For what it was, it...