7 Things Parents Should Know About GroundingCathy is a 17 year-old from Seatac, WA. She spends her time watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, reflecting, and listening to various types of music as she's writing her thoughts away. She hopes to live through her passions.

Cathy is a 17 year-old from Seatac, WA. She spends her time watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, reflecting, and listening to various types of music as she’s writing her thoughts away. She hopes to live through her passions.

If you think back to when you were a teen it is probably a fuzzy collection of both good and bad times. Like the time you told your parents you were going to the football game and how after you ended up going to a friends party. You probably also remember how mad your parents were when you came back home almost two hours late. They took your car keys and grounded you for two months. You fought with them and yelled at them and didn’t learn your lesson because you did it about two or three more times in the following months. Now it is your turn to discipline your teen and you are having the same problem your parents had. It is tough being a parent, but keep these seven tips and ideas in mind from my personal experience and observation. It might help.

1. Do not ground them so much. Grounding them constantly will only make them used to it. It begins to lose its threat and eventually they continue to do what they want without fearing any consequences.

2. That being said do not ground them for long periods of time. Over time they will only forget why they were being grounded in the first place and you might too. Pretty soon it doesn’t feel like they are grounded and life resumes as if they were not grounded. I have seen it happen. Do not ground them for long periods of times such as a month long, especially without explaining why what they did was wrong. Which brings us to point number three.

3. Many times we are told we are grounded and that is the end of the discussion. We both know wrong was done, but that is not always enough. Take advantage of the situation and use it as time to talk. Explain why it was wrong and how you feel. It helps you set ground rules that you can both live with.

4. Constantly grounding us can have an effect on us in a different emotional level that you might not expect. Sometimes it can feel like no matter what we do we are always wrong. No matter what choice we make it is always bad. Being constantly grounded might begin to make the teen feel like a bad seed causing them to act out because of it. This is when grounding stops working and in fact, makes things worse.

5. Do not forget the power of sincere emotions. Sometimes just seeing your disappointed mother’s face is enough to set us straight. The one thing we can’t bear to hear is that we disappointed you. This would be a good time to switch gears. Tell them they are not grounded but that the trust is gone. They will think twice about asking you to go out next time, and make the effort to improve on what they did wrong. They will want to prove you can trust them and that they are capable of being responsible.

6. Do not rely on taking things away from them, such as their cell phone. They know they will eventually get it back. Remember to open up to them and talk about it so the punishment is more of a learning experience than it is a week without something they know they will get returned.

7. Keep your emotions in check. I know you may be angry and your first instinct is to yell but before you do remember this: you have control over the situation. You set the tone. If you begin yelling you will only get them to start yelling. You will both have your defenses up and nothing will get through. We react to you. The quickest way to stopping the lines of communication is to start it off by screaming at them. This just makes both sides feel like they are the right one. Constantly yelling creates distance between you. Set the tone and calmly talk through it. It will bring you closer and you might even learn something from each other.

Discipline can be really hard for the parent and teen. Remember that discipline should be a learning process. Most importantly, remember that you are looking out for the well being of your of your son or daughter and let that be reflected in your conversations. This way you both benefit.

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Fortunately, grounding is not a universal practice. As amazing as it might seem, there are many parents who would not even think of being so disrespectful to their children’s natural desire to have what they want.

This sounds great and all, but to actually get it to work is tougher. What if you have a child who constantly breaks the rules. If you ground them from video games and computer they will go to the school and play them there. No matter what they are not being grounded nor are they learning anything other than the way around the punishment. My child has been grounded and cannot bring items like games and consoles from other kids into my house without permission. When he’s grounded, he sneaks these items anyway. When he’s caught for them he is obviously grounded from tv and electronics, but he’ll just go to school the next day and play them there. These kids don’t know what grounding means anymore. My suggestion for my teen is to ground him from the computer and games all summer long. He can’t sneak them then or play them at school. So let me guess, this is bad parenting?

i totally agree 100% but im the teenager and my mom is the one who grounds me . when they ground me and im constantly yelling at them and agrueing with them and it brings my self-esteem down soo much and they have no clue what it does to me, i feel they are just grounding me to torture me, i learn my lesson the minute my mom looks at me and is like im soo disappointed in you, what happened to my angel. i hate my parents when they ground me even if they are doing it for my own good if they loved and cared for me they wouldnt take everything away is constantly my words. we teens rebel when we feel not important to our parents or they dont give us enough freedom, or they just simply dont trust us. i HATE that. my parents dont trust me and wonder why lie to them, well i lie to them because i dont have any freedom my mom doesnt let me hang with guys and she checks my text messages every single night it drives me crazy. she says she trusts me but thats not trust. my parents show no love to me, im constantly upset about family, school, boyfriends and not once does my mom ask whats wrong or talk to me when i am, unless to tell me to shut up and stop crying it really hurts. but i totally agree with you (:

my parents ground me and it does not work. i’ve basically been grounded for three years and it’s pointless. with my parents, i get things taken away for bad grades. however, even if i improve my grades and keep them up, i am still punnished for the grades that once were.
also, i get told i am grounded. but not for how long. i don’t get told what i can do to get ungrounded, and am never told when i am un grounded. the real punishment for me is the dissapointment from my dad. i no longer fear the disapointment from my step mom because she has told other family members that she is done with me, that she doesn’t want to be with me. how can you expect your teen to respect you if you frequently express how much you dislike them?

respect comes with love and respect has to go both ways to work. even if you think not, your kids love you. they’re not trying to torture you. they’re not trying to mess up all the time. but it’s hard to not mess up all the time when the only things parents recognize are the mistakes.
let go of the past, they’ve learned from their mistakes and bringing up everything they’ve messed up, just makes them forget the good about themselves.
we neeed friends. friends are people we can comfortably talk to. and we need to talk and express our emotions and feel loved.

I’ve been grounded for over two months now, I live with my father which has taken away the things i love and desire the most, over one “F” on a report card from two months ago, I try hard in school i really do, and all he does is put me down and yell for no reason at me.
I have exactly no idea when i”m ungrounded, and its only made it worse for me as im miserable, and depressed, angry, sad, etc. My father acts in unruly ways towards me, calling me names,and hurt me every way possible, he has no idea how much it emotionally hurts me as he the only one person i can really trust to protect me, keep me safe, etc. I do so much around the house, such as clean and make bed, vacuum, wash dishes, sweep floors, take out garbage, and more. Not once has he tried to help me with my school grades, or anything . I give so much but receive nothing but anger and hate towards me.
Now…I’m done with this shit, and the only way im going to get back what he had no right to take away from me, is to physically take it back myself, ive been patent. I dont know what his problem is, but he doesnt need to take me down with him. Im done. Im just a victim of all of this.

Yes this is bad. I’m 17 and my parents still take my iPod, Computer, and Xbox away on a regular basis, when the only reason why I even want them in the first place is so I can keep in contact with my best friends that no longer live in my city. They tell me that I can have some of them back when I no longer have any Ds in any of my classes and I try harder in school, but the reason why I no longer care is because of the fact that I can’t talk to my parents and get them to see my side of the story. I’ve given up on my parents, all they do is fight with each other and act like my failures are ruining their lives, even though with all they’ve done, I never plan on talking to them again after I leave this prison of a home. I’m just gonna say this, if there’s a will, there’s a way, and your child is never going to stop trying to find a way to play video games as long as he has a reason to play them. Maybe the reason why he plays them so much is because he feels like they are the only thing that really gives him some kind of enjoyment in life, which means that, as a parent, you need to find a way to communicate your feelings to him in an attempt to find out how he truly feels deep down, and why he bothers with games that don’t have the same core values that are really important to life.

I have been grounded for a month. I was grounded originally for a week for not sticking with the “plan”, my mother likes to say. The plan was sleeping over at my friends house then coming home the next day, her words were “don’t spend the whole day tomorrow over their.” well I did and she wasn’t happy about it, especially when i did not keep in contact with her and she had to text me, “where are you?”. She was worried about me and did not know what i was doing. She wanted me to ask her if i could go hang with my friends, not tell her. Which i totally understand now, and would never do it again! But anyways thats why i was grounded for a week, no socializing thats all the grounding really way. But as the week went on i had remembered about my G2 that i had booked last week for the up coming friday. I asked her one day at school on the week i was grounded on Wednesday, if she can take me out of school to go practice driving thursday. She replied, “No, because why would i want to help you, you never do anything for me…Get off your high horse and stop acting like a princess the world doesn’t revolve around you…as long as you live under my roof you will obey me….if you do not see this and you are mad at me, just remember i am your mom and i will be the only person here for you along with your dad, for when your on your own…so its your choice if you want to burnt that bridge with us…” For some reason after she finished texting me this back, (and the text was much longer, but that was the jift of it) I read it and didnt know what to think. I felt like in some ways she was right but wrong. Before, i can admit, i took getting my G2 as a right not as a privilege. But know i know that when im grounded i should not get what i ask, its just not right. Still i was angry about what she said. I wanted my G2 so i could get a job and sense that freedom. It also took me a long time to book my G2 in the first place, I was finally motivated to do it. But no that was taken from me. Also I was angry just by the way she made me feel. She said I was being a princess and spoiled, so i was offended by that. I wanted to defend my self. Then when she said, “its her way or no way as long as i am under her roof”, i felt trapped and controlled. I didnt want to come home because of it. (First off to catch you all up, I live with my dad, me and him get along much better then my mom. My dad had left for a week for a business trip, so i had to live with my mother for the week. He was the first one to give me my freedom in the first place. I admit i have abused it a little, but how else am i suppose to know how to use it with out messing up, or being told i messed up. i am a teen wanting to test boundaries. I have hosted parties and been to parties, also Id go to friends houses and sleepover then come home the next, or just go out with friends to the mall, but Id always tell him. I asked and if he said yes then i would just go and that would be the last that he would here from me. but i would always come home…but thats not the case even he was mad and worried about that. I should always text my parents were i am, just in case something was to happen. But anyways That was him trusting me and i treasured that. i loved being free. But it was different with my mom) So anyways, I was at school crying tbh, and i didnt know what to say back. I knew if i told her how i felt she would think i am being that princess again and disrespecting her by thinking that some of her opinions are wrong. Now i am not saying that i never didnt disrespect her during that week when i was with her, bc I did and that wasnt right. (Its easy to say my mom and I are too alike and have hot heads, and similar personalities that makes us fight and collide in conflict) So at school i found my friend, and as i wept to her of how confused and unsure of the situation I was, she said “Tell your mom how you feel…your 17 your not a kid…try making her feel bad, like saying ‘what kind of mother even considers burning the bridge with their daughter’. ” I can tell you after my convo with my friend I felt like she was right, that my mom was wrong. So there i was after school righting back in a long text message everything i felt, even things that i had never EVER told her before, but always wanted to. I was emotional. Angry, confused, frustrated, and even fighting myself still not to write it. (looking back now and reading my moms long text, she just cared and was getting the points of life out clearly to me, just not sugar coating it). I remember writing at the end of my text that, “Im taking the late bus to dads house, i am going to stay there.” I then sent my text. I took the late bus to MY house which truly felt like a safe house to me. So not to long after I got there my mother is pounding at the door. At this point my head is hurting, my conscience is saying “What the f*** did you do know! You have done it this time!”, But the other half of me was like, “You told her the truth! She’s not always right! You need to stand up for yourself!” So she brakes the door down, (well brakes in through the garage door because i was to scared to really open the door). She comes at me streaming, “GET IN THE CAR! YOUR COMING HOME NOW!” …(now there is something everyone should know. SHE NEVER GOT THE TEXT MESSAGE! yup it said it send on my phone, but it never got to her phone. So she was looking for me, thinking that i literally ran away from home. She thought I was being that princess that thought she could do what ever she wanted, so she was pissed about that. So Not knowing at the time that she DID NOT get the text, I thought she read it and thats why she was angry. And that she was disagreeing with me in what i sent in the text and just wanted to punish me some more! so i responded to her screaming in a way that she did not see coming. She thought i lost my mind, she had no idea why i was so emotional.) This led to things being said. I said stuff about how bad of a mother she was but i never ment it, it was just me thinking fast on my feet and having a hot head. But she said things like, “No one likes you at home, your annoying, a brat. No one wants you at home!…” We also got physical. So from that she ran out crying and i was left there crying too. My dad then got the phone call from my mom saying how bad of a child i was. (I admit i was disrespectful and I have learned that no matter what you think parents are 99.9 % right and to just never talk back…but sometimes it gets me thinking what about that 1%. Do i still say anything about it…i feel i still should but when i tried to figure it out, it got me in trouble.) I ended up missing two days of school thursday and friday. When my dad got back thursday he blamed him self for my behavior saying, “It was wrong of me to just assume that you could take this freedom with out me actually teaching you how to use it wisely…but you know what ally!? you dropped the ball. and I have to take it away from you.” So my dad, that i always felt the worst when i disappointed him, was shocked about my past actions and lost trust in me. My mother and him then made me a contract. Yes a grounding contract. It states that I am grounded for a month…no cell phone, socializing, dating, and after school sports. I have a boyfriend, just to let you know and i was the most heart broken when they told me to ask him that we should “take a break”…(I never did! That was the one thing i could not let them take from me, of course he is upset that we cant see each other. But he continually tells me to just do what they want in till its over, to become un-grounded. hes my outside support you could say) So the Contract also says that i must keep in contact with my parents at all time, they DO NOT TRUST ME ONE BIT. I have to prove myself to them, and I really do want to. but I cant in till i am done being grounded, for the month. This contract also says that when after grounding we will see what we can allow you to have back, not necessarily freedom or trust, maybe other things. It even talks about allowing me to go to my prom after party or not and thats three months away. I want them to trust me so badly, but at the same time i feel like their punishment is un-fair. But of course i cant complain about it bc that would be the “in-mature” thing to do. (So i dont know what to do) I just have to “kiss ass,” is what i am telling people. Maybe i can shorten it. but I even have a hard time sleeping at night because i feel my life is un-fair, or controlled by ever corner, i just want to breath again. I want to run away or rebel some how, but i dont. My mom even thought that I was not ready to go to college after this summer. and college that is the one thing i am the most exited about! She wants me to get a job, i understand that because i want one too. I just have never been motivated enough by myself or really my parents till now to get one. So that saturday after the fight, I emailed my mom an apology letter, telling her everything that i did wrong and what i had learned. She then called that same day and asked if we I wanted to go over to her house, I said yes. We talked and hugged and made up. so now we are a happy family, but im still grounded for a month. (And that was also the time i figured out she never got the text message that i guess she never got from me. I cried with relief because as mush as i felt my friend was right. That text message would have made everything a lot worse…i think.) So now i have been working hard to show them they can trust me, which means text them on my spare if i can go out for lunch. Or go for a walk at school. ( I should also add just after me and my mom had our argument she contacted my teachers and told them to email her confirming that I am staying after school to do homework, which i have been. But after our “friendly at home talk” with each other she had emailed them back saying they dont have to do that anymore.) Its tuesday now and it has not even been a week. (Im not trying to get un grounded, because i know i do deserve it. But I want it not to be a month, why because i do not think i deserve a month.) So today i was over at my moms once again, and i ASKED her if its okay if i can call my boyfriend. She said ,”yes, but just to torture you you cant call him till thursday . So you can call him today and thursday.” And i just nodded, but after i left that house i was thinking again. torture? What am i learning from that? I dont know anymore what to ask her or what im being punished so harshly for? So after reading this article “7 Things Parents Should Know About Grounding”, i just want to just ask her, “Mom just out of curiosity can you explain to me what your punishing me for, what i did wrong to deserve a month?”. Id ask this not try to be snobby or anything just as a question, and not trying to force an answer either, i just want to know. I do know what i am being punished for, but i don’t really anymore. So there is my story, feel free to comment back saying if i am wrong or want to stop me before i do ask her if you think that will make things worse.

My parents ground me for the smallest things and they hold the biggest grudges so they have kept me grounded as long as half a year… and it’s hardly for anything bad. I’m a decent kid. My grades are average, I do more chores than the rest of my family combined (and I have a big family), I don’t do drugs or smoke, I don’t stay out late. See, they tell me to get a job out of frustration then they take away everything that connects to the internet for several months. Go figure, the only way to get a job is through the internet right?
My parents are always talking down to me, they say I’m lazy and a spoiled brat. They say I don’t know how good I have it. I’ve given up on them. I feel like my whole future is being pulled by strings. And everything I say is ignored, no matter how nice I make it.
Please parents, listen to your kids! They certainly don’t know everything but that doesn’t mean everything they say is wrong. Everything your kid does is influenced by you! Sure, they have friends that teach them a thing or two, but the person who raised them will effect them the rest of their lives. Teach your kids right from wrong but also SHOW them right from wrong. You yell at your kids then your kids are going to yell back. (I have a brother who talks calmly to his shouting parent. Who’s setting the better example?) If you hit or spank your kids they are going to fight their peers and siblings, and possibly you. If you ridicule your kids they are going to ridicule you back. THE KIDS YOU ARE JUDGING ARE YOUR OWN REFLECTION.
So please parents, listen to your kids. Listen to their actions. Listen to yourself.

Parents in general are just too harsh on kids/teens, they should always listen and trust them and never punish for school grades, it’s just not right, if you’re not good enough at some subject for example Maths then is punishing going to make you any better at that subject? I’d say no, not at all!

My mom has grounded me from everything untill I get my grades up no tv, no friends, no video games and being a freshman in High school I blame one teacher and I get screamed at for twenty minutes no ifs ands or butt about it, talk back you get your butt kicked to kingdom com and over shoot

Oh my gosh my parents are the same way. All they say is “you have to earn back my trust” but it is completely impossible. They don’t tell me how I can make this situation better. The only thing that is coming out of this is an anger building up towards my parents. I know that this is wrong but I honestly cant wait to leave for college. I hate it here.

Someone needs to show this article to my mother . Not only did she take my phone and computer and every technology that I own , she took my books as well …. ( I love reading ) . She can be quite unfair at times and ground for no apparent reason but i cant argue with her …. she’s my mother . How can i show my mother that i can be responsible and that she doesnt have to ground every day ? Also note that i dont get my phone or computer on weekdays , but only in weekends . So you can see that I’m always grounded .. I dont care about my phone and the other technologies …. but my books ? That’s just cruel . What should I do ?
From what I read from other articles , teenagers are mostly grounded for getting bad grades ……. Im an A student …

i am also a freshman i have gotten in trouble and my parents freaked out. well today is our second playoffs game and i dont get to go. it could be out last and she first of all never specified. i just cant understand adults. to be honest im a girl whos in love with football so i feel as if she should just kill me insted. they only ground me really if others say something, if imdisrespectful. which is my cause for grounding. i was sick and they didnt care they wanted me to do activities and i was going to hurl. adults should really read this isted of ruining our lives and not knowing it.

its winter break for me, ive been grounded for 6 months, i cant get anything, my dad is a dick, im depressed every morning, he took away my video games all of them, i know what your thinking, o get a life, well i love video games i tell my parents they dont care, i got bad grades and i tried at the end, i stood up until 4 am studying for math, my dad doesnt care, fuck my life i cant do anything, i wake up everyday depressed, i had big plans and it all went down the drain, i cant even type how i feel, i fucking hate my life and i know kids are starving but that still doesnt mean that i feel better, i hate waking up, it hurts to much, i have a lot of stuff, but i cant use it, im not even excited for christmas at all, i can care less, my life sucks, im full on depressed and i know i say that a lot but its so hard to wake up, i cant even discuss my problems on here and from reading this i sound like a bitch but its so hard its like one day my dad woke up and started hating me, i was saving up for a new console and my dad tells me its not allowed in his house, my mom could care less, PLZ ANY PARENT THAT READS THIS, TREAT YOUR CHILD WITH RESPECT, WHEN YOU GROUND THEM FOREVER THEY COULD GET DEPRESSED FROM THAT, its so hard.

I found myself nodding my head to literally every word this article just said! This needs to be pasted everywhere around my house just so my parents can finally wake up and understand how unfair they are actually being to me right now. In all honesty, I’m a really good kid. I do well in school, I’m quite responsible and I strive to do my best in all the things that I love. But whenever I do something bad, or in this case, I just happened to break one teeny tiny rule and getting a boyfriend, my parents acted as if I’m the devils child! Right now I’ve been grounded off not only my phone, but also my laptop, my ipod, I’m probably never going to see my ps4 again and to make things worse, I don’t have the time to do my homework on the PC because I’m only allowed on the PC for 3 hours! I can barely ever go out without them always questioning me, or pestering me of who I’m talking to or hanging out with. I have zero privacy, whenever I happen to be on social media like facebook, I always see them scrutinising who I’m talking to and I’m just sitting there like “can you not?” They need to trust that I’m not doing anything stupid because I’m not that kind of person. Not only that, I have to clean and cook as well as they come home late from work, and have absolutely NO time to relax. So here I am, stressing over my family, the fact that I can barely ever hang out with my friends and my boyfriend, and I also have to balance my senior year of school. I’m not complaining. I understand why my parents are angry with me but they have to see that I’m not a baby anymore. They have to see that I won’t be like how my sister was. They have to see that I have to make my own decisions and make my own mistakes, and they have to see that I have to face the real world sooner or later.

This is was funny when I read it. I am 14 years old and have been grounded for three years of my life. My parnets do not care and do not think before say or ask a question. They say that you are grounded and go to your room and read. Or it is physical training for a hour may even be sit in the corner tell your grades inprove. But all in a way it never helpes me at it feels like they try to ripe you away from everything and everyone in the world.

My dad recently grounded me forever from my computer and phone. He can deal with it when I give up in school and fail life. I got grounded for trying to play some music while I was cleaning. I mean I am also depressed so this just makes me want to kill myself more. My dad hates me, I’ve tried to impress him but it’s impossible.

My parents ground me for days,weeks,month frequently, basically I get grounded if I do anything that kinds of disappoints them and the punishment is really harsh, and when I talk to them about how the punishing me that hard is unusual for my age or for that matter, any age, they just say that they have control here not me, cause they are my guardians. :( :cry

lol I am so totally you but younger, I have average grade and I almost all the chores, but they always ground me for no reason, not like those people who do drugs and be like “Why TF are you grounding me? I didn’t do anything?!!”

I think you should change the rules, because mostly if they don’t admit they are wrong, mostly it’s because they don’t realize they are wrong, so by grounding them for some rules they think that is not reasonable only makes them dislike the rules more.