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First things first, Barka da Sallah to my muslim friends. May the blessings of this season remain with you today and forever.

I am quite ashamed to be back her after a very long time. I was asked by many if I was serious at all…I apologize, my absence was due to nothing in particular, I promise not to repeat such behavior again.

I hope you all have been good since your last visit here. I will just go straight to the point now.

From my teenage years, I have heard a lot about the size of a guy’s packs (penis, but henceforth will be referred to as packs). I heard it was a major attractive physical attribute in a guy, and I actually wondered why.

In my 4th year in the university, a lady came up to me, a schoolgirl like me. She seemed a bit ruffled, because we were just the ‘hello/hi’ type of friends. What came out of her mouth was a bit unexpected, and for her to actually sum up the courage to ask a not-so-close person that question, it meant that the thing tire the sister. She said to me, in her words, ‘Adesuwa, please is it possible to react to big stuffs, is it like a disease? I’m like stuffs? What stuff?Shifting uneasily from one leg to the other, it took her up to 4 minutes to say big packs.

Surprised as I was, I tried to act all professional, but I wondered why she came to me of all people. I took her to a nearby ‘love garden’ and asked her to shed more light. Who doesn’t like such stories? She said she was very concerned about big packs and how it affects her vagina (henceforth to be called coochie). She said she had just ended her 3 years relationship with her boyfriend, because of, among other things, the injuries she sustains anytime they have sexual relations. In her words also, ‘…before the walls of my coochie peel off before i get married…’

Does the size of a man’s packs matter? I hear some girls believe size is important for sexual satisfaction. Guys believe it increases sexual confidence. Some girls have come to the realisation that bigger packs do not always equal great sex, while some guys have realized that hefty packs do not always land ladies on their beds. But this is not why I’m here, lest I derail.

My worry is, as a guy, wouldn’t you know if and when your packs are hurting your partner? Some guys just go on and on and on and on and on, assuming the girl is having the time of her life, not knowing that your generation might be under a plethora of silent curses. Ladies are also fond of faking sexual satisfaction for reasons best known to them, but if you keep quiet when something hurtful is unknowingly meted out upon you, something should be wrong somewhere. Let me help you with some reasons why speaking out is very important.

INFECTIONS: I can’t get tired of talking about this, because statistics show that females are more inflicted with STDs than males, which isn’t fair. Injuries sustained from painful sex often produce sites from which one can be infected. Ladies already have enough openings through which microbes can invade and I don’t see the need creating additional ones. If you feel, see, or physically realise that his packs are too big for your coochie, please say something or forever remain in pain. Unless you strongly believe you can ‘grow into him’.

PAIN: I no go lie, but the pain that accompanies a bruised coochie (by any means such as falling down) is not beans, at all, especially when its in contact with moisture. That is when you’ll see some ladies walking as if there are pieces of hot yam between their thighs. Don’t laugh, they might just be experiencing a ‘wrath of the packs’. In a marriage where sex is required to be regular, the walls of a wife’s coochie can actually peel off one fateful day. Old or young, black or white, e dey pain.

EMOTIONAL UNEASINESS: Our society doesn’t really support being vocal about sex, so in a relationship where pain is inflicted on a lady via sex, she tries to avoid it since she can’t say much about it. The guy begins to think there’s another guy (as they always do). Brother, she’s just scared of the size of your packs.

Ok. Hefty packs are not all bad news. I have read about good reports (since nobody wants to share the good times with me, only the bad). I have also read about cool ways for guys to wield such packs for the betterment of the ‘woman’ race. Such ways include adequate foreplay and use of lubricants. Don’t forget that vegetable oil is not a lubricant. Also do some research so that you would stop making your woman cry without actually beating her.

On a lighter note I remember my Integrated Science teacher in my JSS3 back in Queen’s College, Mrs Achinivu, barking in class one day after we received the news that a senior student got pregnant. She went ‘GIRLS, FEAR PENIS, PENIS IS FIRE! WHAT DID I SAY??? And we all went ‘PENIS IS FIRE!’. Sounded funny to us then, but I am certain that some of us in that class learnt the hard way that penis truly is fire.

Please bear in mind that I’m not a sex therapist. I am just extending my views as a Clinical Pharmacist 🙂 but feel free to ask questions and drop comments.

I hope I have been able to convince you that huge packs aren’t all that. If you agree with me please send me sallah ram ASAP. I will be waiting in my office.