Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Five Things I've learned Since Becoming A Living Donor

Recently I celebrated the five-year anniversary of when I donated a kidney to an unknown (at the time) recipient. Over those five years I've learned a lot, both about myself and the world at large, in relation to what it means to be a living donor. As I reflect upon my experience and all the experiences born of that life-changing decision, I want to share the insights that surprised me the most or affected me the most profoundly.

What you give to one person, you give to the world. No experience, large or small, occurs in a vacuum. What I mean by that is we often think of our actions as being fairly benign or having a limited effect on others but our actions, good or bad, have a ripple effect. When you put goodness out into the world it creates a wave that spreads beyond the realm of one's perception. Through each act of kindness you become a beautiful pebble in the center of that magnificent ripple and your generosity will overlap other lives in ways you can't imagine. From the beginning, I knew organ donation would help improve the quality of someone's life but I had no clue how many people--spouses, children, siblings, co-workers, friends--would also be directly affected by their person (and others involved in the kidney transplant chain) receiving a healthy kidney. I probably never will.

Donating a kidney gave me a greater sense of purpose in my life but it wasn't the purpose. Not to minimize the act of organ donation, but helping to spread the word about the tragic lack of donors is what I consider my greater contribution. Many people confuse passion with purpose, but our passions don’t define us; passions are merely a vehicle to deliver one's purpose. Our purpose is to be of
service, to make a positive contribution to the world, and to bring joy to
and/or reduce suffering in the lives of others.Obviously donating a kidney reduced suffering but I
believe the underlying purpose was educating people about the need for organs and inspiring others to consider donation (or other acts of kindness).

Living Donors are happier. I've met hundreds of compassionate donors in the last five years and if I had to choose one word to describe them it would be happy. As moderator of a Facebook support group for donors and potential donors, I'm continually blown away by the inherent joy emanating from each one of them. I know from my own experience there's a euphoria that accompanies the act of living donation which is difficult to explain without sounding a little crazy. I can only liken this heightened sense of peace to the bliss many woman feel after the birth of a child. It just is.

Having one kidney has had very little effect on my life. I often forget that I only have one kidney because it's pretty much like my life with two kidneys. When you remove a kidney from a healthy individual the remaining kidney grows in mass and increases its function. I don't take any medications or special precautions other than avoiding NSAIDS (Ibuprofen, Advil, etc.) because they're known to have an adverse affect on kidney health but I would avoid those drugs even if I still had two kidneys. I've maintained a very active life as a massage therapist who enjoys hiking and tennis and dancing a jig when so moved. That is not to say that donors never experience complications because a small percentage do and my heart goes out to them. I always recommend potential donors do plenty of research about the possible risks and due diligence when it comes to their transplant center/team. That said, if anything I am in better shape than before I donated; happy, healthy and strong.

Being a Living Donor doesn't define me. I will likely always accept invitations to speak to groups about organ donation (and kindness in general) but my life continues to blossom in many delicious directions. I have only recently become a living donor but I have always been a writer. I enjoyed writing and sharing my memoir Lost in Transplantation and I'm excited about my next book, a coming-of-age novel set in the Midwest during the 60's cultural revolution. In the meantime I hope to post more regularly here on my blog. I'd love it if you'd leave a comment if any of the above speaks to you personally or just to say hi.

Eldonna - I am blown away how spot-on you are, particularly #3. I would like to quote that point liberally, with attribution, as I work to find compatible donors. I donated last September and my website went up this week, appreciate if you will take a look when you have a few minutes. www.donortodonor.com FB is https://www.facebook.com/DonorToDonor/ Thank you

It is as though I wrote these words -- that's how right on you are! I love it! I too am coming up on five years this summer. My recipient and I started an organ donation awareness group in central Wisconsin. My purpose is to spread the word, just as you said!

Sometimes I have bad days. People treat me wrong, things go badly at work, etc etc. Then I'll look in the mirror after taking a shower, and see four little scars and a bigger one on my belly and remember that 6 months ago, I made a difference in my sister's life. Then all the bad concerns fade away, and I think of the good things in life. The love of family, and the love of my Lord who walks with me through it all.

Few things in life can be as meaningful as giving life like this. As you said, maybe giving birth. But this was so much easier than having (and raising) a child.

“You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” –Anonymous

The act of being a donor is one which no recipient can ever thank you enough for. My donor is a friend from elementary school and I feel like I owe her my life, but for her, it was just something she wanted to do. She even said "If it wasn't me, someone would have done it for you. I just happened to be the match." That humility in the face of her changing my life, is what makes me love her even more. I hear the words "angel" and "hero" thrown around a lot for donors, and although that is true, it is so much deeper than that. It's an act of kindness and love. It's an act that even though we recipients can never return, we never forget. Not for one little moment. <3