No-good punks let off by bleeding-heart liberal judges ‘actually in the minority’, says TV-based research

Most sons of bitches get what's coming to 'em

An extensive study of court cases involving American legal luminaries such as Quincy, the California Highway Patrol and Magnum PI has exploded the myth that no-good punks invariably get off scot free.

‘Too many people are basing their judgements on the first 15 minutes of legal dramas,’ said academic Godfrey Beard. ‘In fact in 99% of cases the bad guys are locked up, and in the other 1% they end up impaled on a spike or amusingly hoisted by their own petard.’

Television cops have agreed that actually most bad guys finish up as the butt of detectives’ jokes as they discuss the case in a restaurant afterwards. ‘Jeez,’ said Quincy today. ‘I can’t remember the number of times I’ve had the cameras fade and the credits roll just after I’ve put a bad guy away.’