This is going to be long, but I’m relatively new to this community. I need help, insight from people who might know more than I do. And like any long-winded story, it is about a girl.

And just to clarify, I don’t want to put this in the “love” forum, because it certainly does concern love, but I’m less concerned about the nature of our relationship, whether we’re just friends, or if we are in a relationship, and more about why I feel so differently about her, compared to other people. What kind of connection is this?

Anyway:

Years ago, I met someone whom I came to love very much. I can’t begin to describe the depth of those feelings; I have come to love others, but there was something innately different about those relationships. This person was like a bright flame, the kind of incredible, unforgettable person you only meet once in your life. Our feelings developed quickly. We instantly connected.

We were young when we started dating, but she was everything to me. My best friend, the love of my life. It felt as though there were times when I could *feel* when she wanted to talk to me, and when I would call or message her, she would tell me how uncanny it was because she was only thinking about me, ‘and wondering if [I] wanted to talk.’ And vice versa.

Well, life tends to develop as it does, with problems and sometimes messily. We ended up parting.

And honestly, this was the most painful separation of my life. It felt like being without her was impossible, like I’d never recover. Strangely, though, I never resented her. I felt like I couldn’t.

Years pass. It takes an obscene amount of time for me to think about her less, and honestly, my feelings never faded, just subsided to something existing quietly in the back of my mind. At first, I hated it; I would torment myself with, ‘why can’t I forget about her, it’s been almost ten years,’ etc. etc. and eventually accepted that I might never part with those feelings. I truly did accept it and was content that we might never speak again.

I was living with those feelings while dating someone else, someone who I still consider someone I love. My ex and I talked every now and again, once or twice a year, and things were fine. I got a heartfelt apology for the things that happened between us, we agreed that we missed each other dearly, but things were different. Too different yet to change our relationship beyond that.

A month ago, I felt, suddenly, that she wanted to talk to me. I can’t describe it well, but I started thinking of her, missing her with acute intensity. Three days pass, and then I message her, because… I felt like she might want to talk.

Lo and behold, she’s experiencing problems with her marriage, she’s thinking about separating, feeling wholly wrong in her life, and she thought about how weird it was that I messaged her because she’d been thinking about me. She still maintains that even in spite of how rarely we talk, I’m one of the most important people in her life, someone who she can always connect with, and even commented that it’s absurd.

And frankly, it is a little absurd. I work a job in which I see hundreds and hundreds of people in a week, have had countless friends, been on more dates and had more flings, even a couple of serious relationships than one person can properly handle.

I’m not sure what my question is, but I want affirmation that maybe this relationship we have is something special. And, I don’t mean that I want proof that our love expands lifetimes, or hope that we might get back together. I just, I’ve never felt this way before. She breathes life into me, has left an impression on me that I don’t think I’ll ever shake. I understand her. And, whether she’s dating me or not, I truly want nothing but happiness for her. Right now, I’m consoling her and trying to help her fix her marriage, and also helping her figure out if her marriage is something that she even wants. Right now, she’s more privy to ending things, but we’ll see how that develops, I suppose. She also wants to meet again, see each other, and she’s saying things as if she envisions a future with me in it.

I know this is long-winded, but I truly can’t begin to explain these feelings. I have probably communicated it effectively, but it feels like I could forgive her anything, and vice versa. Even when we aren’t near each other, I think of her, like she’s a presence with me. I thought I had put her from my mind a couple of years after our split, but I would see someone with a similar smile, and my heart would ache– because I never really forgot her. I couldn’t.

We understand each other on a deep level, I’m sure of it.

What do you think this is? I mean, I’ve read about specific explanations, but I don’t know how to determine what a soulmate is, or a kindred spirit, or if I’m interacting with someone from a past life, or what. I feel like there has to be something to it.

Sorry for making this long-winded, not getting to the point faster, but I don’t have any knowledge in this. I’m a spiritual person, would consider myself sensitive to energies, but I regretfully haven’t explored this much.

IMO, you are facing the same issue that most folks face: You don’t know how to make a relationship work. Why did you break up in the first place? Why is her current marriage failing?

If you were to get together again, do either of you KNOW HOW to make it work and if so, for how long? Thanks to relationship books and some therapy, I now know exactly why every good relationships and marriage I ever had FAILED. I simply did not know how to make things work and neither did my partners.

Now I know how and my relationships work much better. If you or anyone else really want to know how to make a relationship work, just google: relationship tips or relationship skills and get busy LEARNING HOW. It’s really quite simple once you BOTH find out how to do it – like learning to play the piano or drive a car! Most folks ASSUME they know how to be in a relationship but I say most of us DO NOT KNOW how and many, if not most FAIL. good luck