Saturday, November 30, 2013

"Money
misused, money siphoned off, money wasted - these are the things that hurt
us," a sex scandal "means nothing... It is basically a first world
indulgence, a means to group voyeurism and artificial excitement."

As
an Indian man I feel we have let our daughters, sisters, mothers, nieces,
aunts, wives and grandmothers down by staying silent. But rather than putting on our burkha's and hiding from this ugly truth,
we must fix it by fighting for the rights of women in our society and in the workplace.

Sexism, harassment and rape exist in all cultures, as does
sexual abuse based on power and position. But in India the problem of
inequality is much more deeply rooted in our culture and society. It begins at
birth, when boys are considered prized possessions while girls are often discarded
and aborted because they are seen as burdens on families. The practice of Sati
may have been abolished but the attitudes surrounding the practice are still prevalent
today. We are taught that women are inferior to men; that they are weaker and dependent
on men for everything. It is almost as if we are not so subtly told that they are
our property, particularly if we are married to them or if they work for us. And
it is this attitude among men that prevails, even among the most educated,
accomplished and erudite of us. Think about the basic fact that when you and
I walk around the streets of any city in India, board a train or a bus, as men we
NEVER feel uncomfortable or fear for our safety. Men do not have to deal with being
stared at to the point of feeling uncomfortable or being whistled at or even
being physically violated by someone touching our buttocks or grabbing our penises.
Men do not have to deal with these personal abuses. As men we can dress how
we want, smoke, drink and curse openly, in public, and without any fear or
repercussion - but what happens when a woman does the same thing? We
immediately attach a label to her; if she seems drunk we say she is a loose
woman. If a woman curses, we think it unladylike behaviour or again associate her
with having loose morals. Are we not all guilty of thinking this at one time or
another, even if not acting on it?

Tarun
Tejpal was a crusader for the little people. He fought for those who had been
wronged in our society, from taking down corrupt politicians to championing women’s
rights. This is a man who preached moral values and claimed to hold himself to higher
principles and beliefs. Yet, it is now very clear that when it really comes
down to understanding what women’s rights and true equality among
the sexes encompass, he is really no better than the men on that Delhi bus that raped and
killed Jyoti Singh Pandey. We can no longer pretend that rape and sexual
harassment are confined to poor slum dwellers or the non educated. Tarun Tejpal
is not only considered a well-educated society intellectual but part of the
wealthy elite of our country. People will argue that I am being harsh to equate
Tejpal with the animals on that Delhi bus, but the truth is that his attitude
and lack of respect for a woman are no different from those of the uneducated man on the
street. Granted men like him do not stand on street corners eve teasing every
woman that walks by but his actions in the end lead to exactly the same outcome;
that of humiliating, disrespecting, disempowering and abusing a woman. Perhaps,
his actions are worse because at least on the streets women know to have their
guard up, as opposed to the perceived safety of their workplace.

What Mr. Tejpal did was violate a
sacred trust between an employer and employee. Mr. Tejpal has already
admitted to as much in his email correspondences with the woman. An innocent man does
not say things like; “My punishment has already been upon me, and will probably
last till my last day." Or “I must do the penance that lacerates me.” That
he is guilty of sexually assaulting this woman is not in doubt, but I suspect
he has done the same or worse to many other women, who have yet to speak out.
It is their silence that has emboldened him and deluded him into believing that
he has done nothing wrong. Mr. Tejpal, like Moishe Katsav and many other men with great
power, began to delude himself into thinking that he can define his own moral code. If you read the victim’s letter to Shoma
Chaudhury, and then read Mr. Tejpal’s response to her saying things like - “I had no idea that you were upset, or felt I had been even
remotely non-consensual” – you will begin to see how deluded men like him can
become. Powerful men are used to getting their way, all the time, and
not accustomed to hearing the word NO. I think men like Tejpal begin to believe
that because of the great good they have done in society, it somehow forgives
them their trespasses, and that they can conduct themselves in a way that
does not apply to the rest of us mere mortals (or perhaps they are just
sociopaths).

What should trouble us more in
this instance is that there are still many people (including a number of women)
who are trying to argue Mr. Tejpal’s defense by questioning the victim’s motivations.
Even after it is clear that this is not some attempt to malign his reputation
or a political smear campaign, as Mr. Tejpal now claims. Are we all programmed
to automatically give the benefit of the doubt to the rich and powerful and mistrust
the word of a nobody? Perhaps, this is what predators like Mr. Tejpal count on.
They pick on victims they believe are weak and who will not fight back or speak
out. And if the victim does say something, then someone like Mr. Tejpal believes
it will be easy to discredit her because his word will hold more sway over a
nameless, faceless person. However, this time the victim has spoken and her predator has
acknowledged that the events transpired. Mr. Tejpal even admits to "twice
attempting a 'sexual liaison' despite the reporter's 'clear
reluctance'." (Tarun
Tejpal's informal apology – NDTV). This issue also goes back to the
root of the problem of inequality in India. What can we expect when the
President of India’s son calls anti-rape protestors “dented and painted.” We
are trained to vilify victims by ostracizing and further humiliating them in a
very public way. Instead of supporting them we question their motivations, this
after the woman has just experienced not only a traumatic event but been the
victim of a serious crime. Also, consider that recently in response to a legal intern
writing a blog about a Supreme Court judge sexually harassing her (she is still
too scared to file a formal complaint), judges have announced that they will
stop hiring female interns as the solution to this allegation. And people are asking
why she took so long to report the incident; why she continued to party after
he attacked her and still fulfill her job duties?

Rape and sexual assault is the
most underreported crime in the world. There is a sense of humiliation, a loss
of dignity, powerlessness and severe physical and mental trauma and shock associated
with such a violation of a person’s body. Additionally, as in this case, there
is also a real fear of retaliation by a powerful and wealthy perpetrator. The
victim would likely lose her job and fear for her future financial security. She
had to consider that Mr. Tejpal might decide to ruin her life with his power,
money and connections in order to protect himself. He has already shown willingness
to smear the victim’s character. So it is not surprising that she waited a week
to formally file a complaint but laudable that she actually found the courage
to do it. We must now support and protect her, and in doing so encourage all the women who have
been abused by Mr. Tejpal to also come forward.

This is not about being holier than thou or about fighting
for feminism and women’s liberation; I am simply talking about ensuring that
women have the same rights in society as men and can walk down the street or wander
their office halls without any fear of humiliation or physical molestation. We
must give the thousands of women who have suffered these crimes, in silence, a
voice. We need to create an environment where women can come forward and report
these offenses, without fear of reprisal or retaliation. If
this happened to your daughter, sister or wife - would you be questioning her timing, her motives
or doubting what she says? We can no longer afford to stay silent. If
we remain silent and let men like him get away with these crimes, then we will all be equally
complicit and no different from Mr. Tejpal.