NOT A PARODY: Cardinal Dolan Smuggles Hot Dogs into Met Gala, Then Goes Home to a Triple Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich Nightcap

Future historians with a sense for the bizarre and absurd will have a field day with the early 21st century Catholic Church. Among other things, one cannot say that the Court of Francis and its satellite courts are not made up of interesting and diverse characters to rival any Renaissance satire.

First, there are the perverts, obviously in great abundance, such as Cardinal "cocoa-puffs" Cocopalmieri or Archbishop Paglia, with their Vatican orgies and commissioned pornographic murals.Then the soulless power hungry strivers such as Cardinal Cupich or Bergoglio himself.There are the banal and petty bureaucrats such as the Himmler knock-off, Anthony "sock-puppet" Spadaro.And finally, there are the buffoons, such as New York City's Cardinal Dolan, who, even while posing in a human-and-animal kickline, three years ago, was probably thinking of his next salami roll.

2015: Cardinal Dolan with Rockettes and sheep

On Twitter, yesterday, in response to a Tweet containing a photograph of Jesuit James Martin greeting Dolan at the Met's horrific "Fashion and the Catholic Imagination" gala, I theorized that while Martin was probably luxuriating in all the sacrilegious "sensuality," the Cardinal was merely hopeful for the lunch bell.It was a joke.But Cardinal Dolan is of course himself a joke, or more accurately, a buffoon. Fiction cannot invent what this ridiculously gluttonous red-faced bishop cannot top in reality.It turns out that Dolan would later brag about his impolite behavior at this impolite event. Annoyed at the small-sized canapés he was being served, he tipped a waiter to smuggle in hot dogs from a street-vendor outside. But even that wasn't enough, as he happily admitted to afterwards engulfing a trio of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at his residence.As the Cardinal would later gush, "what a great evening it was!"From the New York Post:

Cardinal Dolan brought street meat into ritzy Met Gala

Just because Timothy Cardinal Dolan is a man of God, doesn’t mean he can’t have a down-to-earth appetite.

“I had to tip the waiter to go out and get me a couple of hot dogs from the cart outside the museum,” he said on his Sirius XM radio show Tuesday, later adding he chowed down on three peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches when he got home in the evening.

“It’s one of those like where you needed magnifying glasses and tweezers,” he said of the gala’s hors d’oeuvres. “I kept trying to eat with my fork and it would fall through the prongs.

“She gave it back to me this morning,” he said of the hat. “I was teasing my auxiliaries who were teasing me. I said ‘Hey, you guys should not complain, because she has volunteered to do some confirmations.’”

Dolan cracked to fellow guests that he was the only one who didn’t have to go out and buy his duds for the evening — though organizers were disappointed he didn’t accessorize more.

“They were ticked off at me at the Met Gala that I only wore the house cassock with the red buttons and the red sash,” he said. “They wanted me to wear the cape.”

He did, however, get a special dispensation not to walk the red carpet because he wanted to avoid the fanfare.

“They said the only one excused is the Cardinal,” he said, explaining that Mitt Romney was forced to walk the red carpet even though the Mormon asked to slip in a side door.

What more can be said about the men who run the church. They are doing everything they can to bring down the church and the faith. They are marvelously successful. They hold all the cards. If they want to rent out sacred garb, the treasures of the Vatican, for pagans to wipe their feet on, they can do it. They have all the power, we have none. Only God can stop them.

Good Lord! The United Statesians DO seem to have SUCH a vastly vulgar top "Catholic" hierarchy. What a splendidly disgraceful Gobbling Glitzer that fiesty fat fella Cardigan Dolan is!! We in the UK just can't compete -- we've only got mumbling mealy-mouthed nonentities who just wanna keep in with the ruling sub-normal politicos, the stuffy Establishment, the awfly middle-class "royals", (royal-wedding shows and silly hats) and the LBGTs-Trans-'n' da LBTs (or is that a sandwich?)

STJPII, the original celebrity pope. And we thought it couldn’t get worse than communism.

In the popular Cold War board game, Twighlight Struggle, JPII gets his own event card. Come to think of it, a Church version co-designed by the Hound and Bear could be pretty awesome. (Modernist player: “I’m playing Planned Backlash against your Humana Vitae.”)

Dolan is a glad-handing New York Irish pol transported to our time from Tammany Hall by a cosmic glitch.

All that was missing from the meta-gayla were German bishops handing out Holy Communion to one and all--Catholic or not.Oh wait, a Catholic would have to pay a "tax" to Cardinal Marx (aka Cdl. "Bling"). The Eucharist is free only for non-Catholics in Germany.