Learn to get along with mother-in-law

Wednesday

Jun 4, 2014 at 11:12 AM

Have you ever wished you could write a letter to your younger self and your younger self would actually take your advice? My mother-in-law, Eva, spent the last three weeks in the ‘Ville going to graduations, birthday parties and a baby shower. It was wonderful to see her and catch up.

Have you ever wished you could write a letter to your younger self and your younger self would actually take your advice? My mother-in-law, Eva, spent the last three weeks in the ‘Ville going to graduations, birthday parties and a baby shower. It was wonderful to see her and catch up.

There was a time when my relationship with "Little Eva," as her daughter Val and I call her, was strained. In recent years, I’ve learned to appreciate the strong and wonderful woman that she is, and really like her a lot. If I could give my younger self some mother-in-law advice, I’d tell myself these things.

First, I’d tell myself to remember that she is a woman who has a busy life just like I do, and communication is a two-way street. Telephones, airplanes and cars go both ways — don’t leave it all on her to stay in touch. If she’s doing a lousy job at it, she’s probably busy, so don’t take it personally. Call her yourself — she really wants to hear from you and will appreciate it.

Next, I’d tell myself to not get bent out of shape if she seems to favor one over the other. She’s human and you don’t need to be number one — you just need a friend. If it bothers you that much, pick up the phone and call her — it may just be a misunderstanding and isn’t worth 20 years of heartache.

Last, I’d tell myself to give her a break. She is going through her own struggles — parents that are aging, relatives and friends that are passing — and she’s figuring it out as she goes. You both love the same man — her son, your husband — learn how to get along so it will be easier for him, because he loves you both and needs you both, too.

Someone once said, "When I get married, I want a mother in law that will adore me and one that I’ll actually like." I really did get that in my mother-in-law. She’s prayed for my extended family, loved us and given to us for the past 30 years and done a great job. I wish younger me had been more humble and kind, more forgiving and understanding, but guess what, "old" me gets to! Love you, Little Eva — the next 30 years will be great!

Denise McKinnon has been an educator, pastor’s wife and most recently a social worker. She has been married to Mark for 29 years and has two adult children, Shauna, 28, and Lance, 25. Contact her at fourmck@sbcglobal.net.

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