Talkin' shite. Constructively

Below Deck Sailing S1:E06 Oof! I Did It Again Recap

Oh hi there, are you ready for more drunken shenanigans on Below Deck Sailing Yacht? I'm rooting for one of the two couples forming on board, let's go Madison and Parker! Other than that, if I have to hear one.single.more.thing about laundry, I shall go mad. Full stark raving. Let's roll into BDSY S1:E06 Oof! I Did It Again! after the break!

We open where we left off, in the Noak Marina in Corfu with the multi-million dollar sailing yacht Parsifal III grinding itself into the dock.

Captain Glenn Shephard has already gone to town, so it's not until deckhand Ciara Duggan heads out on deck that it's caught and she races to tell someone. She finds chief engineer Byron Hissel and first mate Paget Berry on the tender, but the damage has been done. Captain Glenn says it's a $40,000 embarrassment, how would guests trust their leadership when they can't keep their ship off the dock?

Hands down, second steward Madison Stalker is the most efficient and hard working member of the interior staff, but it doesn't really feel like it to her because above and below her, there's chatter. Chief steward Jenna MacGillivray spends 99% of her time in the galley because she wants to bone chef Adam Glick, who has grossed me out on two? three? seasons of Bravo programming. So Jenna's not pulling her weight coz she's pulling on Adam, and while third steward Georgia Grobler is willing to work, she's super green and extreeeeemmmmmellllyyyy slooooowwww.

I'm just going to go on record and say I have no idea how I would handle either of those roles. I've done quite a lot of customer service and service-type jobs but I can't imagine ironing someone's sheets in.their.bed every single night.

Wait. Captain Glenn said getting the boat fixed would cost $40k, but it looks like instead we have an exhausted Paget doing the bodywork and painting while they're parked in dock. Confused.

Georgia works on laundry while Jenna and Adam cuddle in the galley and Madison does the cabins, sigh.

It's 18 hours to the next charter and time to find out who's coming in our weekly Preference Sheet Meeting with department heads!

Ahhh right, we've got meatheads coming for this next charter, starting with Primary Charter Guest Richie Hosein. He's a Dudetrepeneur and will be joined by friends Lenny Michel, Marshall Kessler, Austin Allen, Frank Martinis and Thomas Macari. Yep, it's all dudes and it's going to be as obnoxious as it sounds, says ten Canadian Tire bucks.

It's 9:00 pm and most of the crew has gone to bed, including Ciara, but her boyfriend Paget is up on deck with Georgia, who's playing her guitar. They're trying to edit this in a scary way, making lots of their banter, but I can't really see anything coming of it. Ciara and Paget have been together for four years. I just think she can be a little...verbally abusive and he can be a little...slow.

Georgia has a great singing voice, Paget listens to her original work in disbelief. Below Deck, Jenna and Adam are making out again, he walks her to her cabin door like a gentleman.

Madison and Byron sit together and eat cake together in the crew mess while he interrogates her. Ah damn, she lost her sister in a horrible, horrible way; shot as a bystander in Detroit, that's why she doesn't live in Michigan any more. Her sister's death makes her not want to go home. She's trying to live her life by not doing anything she doesn't want to do.

Deckhand Parker McCown is driving Paget crazy, he delegates some of his authority to Ciara to manage the chatty Parker.

It's the last push to clean up the boat before guest arrival, which I'm sure these guys will appreciate. Hai Primary Richie and I'm Sure Totally Not Douchey Friends!

The guys are definitely Motel Brotel Holiday Inns, but mostly cute, funny and charming for now. Parker is totally ready for this fun trip with his bros, funny, I never figured him for the type. He's so laid back.

Jenna takes the gang on the boat tour, starting with the cockpit which elicits the response you'd expect. Lots of pretty rooms, then we're on to tequila shots already, yay! Then more shots shots shots, followed by shots shots shots and more shots shots shots. They haven't even left the dock.

Adam sends out all the food he can find for these six huge hungry men, I was thinking burgers but they love the seared Ahi tuna, so maybe I should stop judging a book by its cover, right??

I don't think they've finished lunch yet, but they already want to go to a bar on shore and pick up ladies. Two head in on the tender with Paget while others sabre their second and third bottles of champagne.

By "sabre" I mean they use a butter knife to clip off the end.

One of the beach guys is obnoxious but cute, the other is neither, and either way Paget doesn't think they're gonna be bringing any ladies back to the boat. Since there is exactly one woman in her eighties in the bar, he maybe right.

This was worth it.

Parker, walking around with a chamois, is directed by Ciara to not walk so loudly. The extremely intoxicated guests that have passed out after a solid shift of day-drinking and sleeping below deck.

Are they just...looking for reasons to yell at Parker?

Captain Glenn puts up the sails and turns off the motor, we're sailing! It's rainy but beautiful, I'm obsessed with finding out the degree of heel. What is it, Captain Glenn??

It's enough to make a guest do this, running from him room because he thinks he's on the Titanic.

It's Georgia's turn to deal with our Jersey boys, the cute one who fell off the boat asks for a shrimp cocktail and we start the count: that's 1!

I don't remember this guy's name, but I'm going to assume it's Joey until they give me a caption. Joey now asks Madison for a shrimp cocktail, that's 2! It's 7:15 and she tells him that hors d'oeurves are at 7:30 but here's that fine line again. When you're serving on a superyacht, food is whenever guests want it.

Okay, this is Marshall, and he'd like his shrimp cocktail now, thanks. Madison checks with Adam, but he used all the shrimp for lunch. Nobody put it on their preference sheet, so they could know to order more shrimp.

It's 7:45 and Marshall is now screaming that he's been asking for shrimp cocktails for and hour and a half, lemme just get a timestamp on when he asked Georgia...no timestamp, but watching again I realise that Georgia didn't a) tell him yes or no and b) didn't ask the chef about it so no alarm was raised or the situation handled until Marshall asked Madison.

Georgia may feel more comfortable with this type of service, but she's dropping the customer-management ball. Even drunken fratbros are charter guests and need to be handled.

Shrimp cocktail count: 4

So it's 7:45, like I said, so Adam is 15 minutes late getting food out to deseguys, finally he finds something that looks like shrimp and sends that out to the hungry guests.

Adam brings out the food with a "get it, boys!", Marshall reaches for...not the almost-shrimp so Jenna busts his hump a little, to be yelled at that HE'S WAITED FOUR F*****G HOURS.

Everyone is just waiting for this charter to be over.

The guests want to head to town to party, Jenna finds a bar where women feel uncomfortable because men are too touchy: sounds like their kind of place!

Paget thinks these guys are trust fund babies...which means he doesn't know what that means. If someone in this group doesn't have a dad or uncle in the sanitation business, I'll eat your hat.

Georgia, Paget and Ciara are goofing around on the bridge, Georgia breaks out a sexy Russian accent that Paget really likes. Ciara is like a hawk around these two, she watches their every move and stops talking. I don't know if hawks do that, but that's what Ciara does, constantly measuring the distance between the two. She's been saying all along that there's no flirting and Paget wouldn't notice anyhow, but now she admits that maybe Georgia's flirting with Paget but still: no biggie.

Uh huh.

Adam snaps at Madison during plating, why is he so tense? Does he need a shrimp cocktail?

Byron and Georgia check out the guest rooms during supper, Georgia quipping that "the little b**ches don't finish their drinks, either."

Supper continues, the guests love the food, awwww. They're heading to a club that's open from midnight to 5 am because why would you? Ciara will be the one grabbing them from the mainland.

The guests celebrate at the bar, but they're not having any luck with the ladies thus far. Adam and Jenna snog in the kitchen, Madison and I are all done with the grossness.

Another bottle of champagne is sabred in the streets of Corfu with a butter knife by these wild and crazy guys while Adam and Jenna do their best to not sleep together. She would like to, but he wants to take it slow.

It would absolutely be sexist to suggest that there's a reason he doesn't want to jump into the sack, so I will refrain.

The guests text to come back, they're HONGRAY! Did Adam leave anything out? Nope! Madison does a junk food platter but there should be burgers and wings. They want the chef and captain woken up NOW.

Madison does not want to wake up Adam so she makes grilled cheese sandwiches. They say "Thanks! You're the BREAST" because sigh.

Parker and Madison hang out in the crew mess again after the guests go to bed, he gave her a hug in the laundry room earlier because they're pals. Uh huh.

It's morning and we're at 5 bottles of sabred champagne! (Doesn't that feel lame that it's with a butter knife?)

There's one serious guy on the charter, Frank, and he wants an actual breakfast, not the continental breakfast Adam has set out for them. Fruit and baby croissants are all right, but he'll take scrambled eggs and a waffle, please. Hey. so would everyone else!

6 bottles of champagne sabred!

One of the more muscular charter guests, Lenny, picks.Madison.up and uses her as a weight while she asks politely to be put down and the other guests film with their phones. She's not happy. Thank the gods that's a skort, not shorts. She goes below deck, upset.

The guests mock her for asking to be put down, joking "what she gonna do, call the Greek cops?"

Parker follows Madison to calm her down, it is much harder to be female around these guys than it is for him, especially since they haven't been successful at picking up any local women.

They drop anchor and Madison decides she's not going to make anything uncomfortable by telling the captain or being upset around the guests. She rolls with it because that's the grossest part of the service industry.

I'm doing everything I can to not get up on my sexism soapbox, but surely this is so gross and obvious to everyone, right??

The bros haven't given up yet, there's another bar nearby their anchor spot and they're gonna give it a try tonight after supper. I hope Madison told Adam to get some pizzas ready for the after party.

Supper is 8:30, but the guests are still sleeping so Jenna wakes them up. The bar is only open until 11 pm and because apparently nightclubs are completely random where they are.

Parker offers to switch watches with Ciara so he can be on late with his bros, that's a good call. He thinks that's like James Bond, I'm guessing more like Animal House.

Or maybe being the KeyMaster in Say Anything!

The guests get up to start dusting themselves in Axe bodyspray and pinkie rings, Jenna massages Adam's neck in the galley while Georgia and Madison try not to puke.

Okay, I'm wrong, one of the guys, Austin, has a trust fund! (Sanitation trust fund?) That must be why he's allowed to tag along with the better-looking and better in shape jagoffs. They love the Tomahawk steaks, Frank even puts his phone down for a second to enjoy it fully. It's 10:00 pm and the guys are rushing through supper, but one guy decides to find out for himself.

Thomas has been the butterknife sabremaster, he calls the club and finds out it's actually open until 2am, so where did Jenna get 11:00 pm from? Maybe that's how long they serve food. I was impressed with Thomas's initiative for three seconds until he starts telling "Jen, Jen" how much he hates being lied to.

She said she was mistaken, that's not lying, you don't really think she made that up, right? Now, maybe she would have been more diligent if she didn't loathe all you arseholes, there's that.

Tommy doesn't stop, the whole rest of the night about "misunderstandings."

Somehow, Parker is stepping up! Primary Richie asks for a DJ for the boat, Parker finds one! He radios the Parsifal that the guests are coming in hot with guests of their own, I'm hoping someone wakes up Adam and gets the kitchen popping too.

The guests actually manage to find some ladies to join them, aww, poor girls. Never mind, they're into it. Enjoy!

Madison's serving, cooking quesadillas, can you imagine any of the other interior crew making this work? Jenna would be holding Adam's hand while he complained about not getting enough sleep and Georgia would be slowly singing while staring into the fridge to see if Paget was in there somewhere.

Parker is there to help, but we've got a puker AND a smoker on deck, they're all over the place. We're out! Omigod, next week we're STILL on this charter! COME ON! Okay, but just to say goodbye, right? No way a good tip is coming out of this butterknife bunch. Until then. Cheers