Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What made allof this possible was the day job which gave her the money necessary to custom make components for the computer generated technology and appartus installed with decication to (his) instructions and (his) needs,(his) chemistry...Components which would electronically,magnetically, sonically, weightlessly and technologically draw him to her.Seven metals and precious stones meticuously/geometricallyreplaced the room's original walls, floor and ceiling, now tiledin repetitive one inchpanels of gold then silver, the copper, then diamond dust,the hematite,then crystal,the garnets...jewels too precious to list and some not even named in the element chart.Inside the roof,a mechanized device which responded via computer to a voice commmand,somewhat like the clap on and two claps offlamp for the disabled, opened when he arrived and the only object recognizable as furniture was a silver-slab platformtable, edged with touch sensitive lasers.So playing along with the intriciies of the day-to-day job was just that, a drama which provided the anonymity and funds necessary to establish an appropriate and functional headquarters for DESIRELESSNESS.That was the only rule, suggestion, command,vow and committment;the interaction must be desireless.For the new paradigm visioned an almost medicinal,scientific,energetic transmission which lookedlike this:When she entered their meeting place and lay down, her DNA, her 22 feet of intestines,her 64 joints, her 203 bones,her 7 pints of blood,her 12 pairs of ribs, her 4 heart chambers, her miles of veins, her 35 vertebrae and nine body openings seemed irrelevant. Conversely they became sensitized, self generating transformers, virtually impersonal cyborged and ecstatically magnetized appendanges magnetized by mutualitiy, merging into an endless, tireless, limitless,timeless ONE!And so with absolute generosity,beyond expectation and committment yest with relaible precesion,(he)appeared, exchanged and departed at dawn.And she, telling noone,continued the theatre of her academic teaching life, packed the whole installation into the moving van so that she could reinvent it in her upstate NY loft/studio when tenure was not forthcoming,much to the discomfort of United Movers who accused her of being a metal sculptress.And she left town in mock tears, acting as if it really mattered,trying to make it seem as if she would be eternally bothered by the lack of trust the administration had in her unique perspective and unusual, to say the least, teaching style;continuing for years to leave clues that she cared, was human and needed the university for status or happiness.Leaving paper trails wherever she went, she published writings in the journals of her field,indicating that she was truly interested in and dependent on the intricacies of impermanence.

Since 1975,I have been appearing astrally/invisibly as art so that when Linda Weintraub invited me to meet her Oberlin students and I couldn't, I proposed that I meet with them via video, trusting that my technological presence could teach as well or better than my being there physically.
METHODOLOGY:
The students made a video, asking me questions/performing, sent this video to me, I watched it and answered/performed on another video, sent it to them and on and on, one more time.It could have lasted forever as a circle of creativity.
VIDEO:
Distance teaching performance is one of the future strategies of academia. Here are some reasons why invisible learing is so hot:
1.Video is familiar and easy for today's students because it mimics TV, their techno friend and baby sitter.
2.Video elicits a performative response from the user and satifies the universal need for visibility and stardom, a need this generation is born with.3.Video temporarily eliminates authorities/judges/censors/audience and since the cameramorphs into a robotic other "self", viewing and seeing the live "self", anonynimity is assured.
4.Video IS cold and allows the performer to be hot/cold/intense/intimate or distant.
5.Video is a meditative facilitator, allowing the user to technologically journey/journal themselves autobiographically until their history is repeated long enough to be silenced into acceptance.
CONCLUSION
Performance art is popular, taught everywhere, commodified by the media and in need of explanation, clarification, context and historical interpretation. While the originators of the contemporary version of the genre (1960-1980) are still alive (since Sept 11,2001,this is even more applicable since travel is no longer a reliable option)and available,it would be wise to use US WELL either in person,or better yet,let us STAY HOME and we'll teach by video or phone while we wait for the 4837487 other technological versions of distance learning to appear.

1.learn disciplines,
2.how to look for miracles,
3.talk in accents,
4.wear a habit(all yellow clothes),
5.how to get up early,
6.exercise into oneness,
7.take pilgrimages to sacred places,
8. take cold showers to prepare for next winter,
9.eat sparingly(rice and beans every day)fast one day a week,
10. research stories about saints and also performance artists.

Some discipline you will learn are
1.thrift,
2. how to walk and smile simply,
3. how to live without hot water,
4. how to live without art,
5.how to live without sex,
6.how to remember to turn lights off when leaving a room,
7.how to make a hair shirt and other penitential objects and enjoy using them to inflict penances on the self,
8.how to live on air when hungry,
9.how to live without the use of your refrigerator over the Christmas holidays,
10.how to spot a martyr,
11.and many other usefull skills.

At the successfull completion of these hardships you will receive PERFORMANCE ART SAINT CERTIFICATES from THE ART/LIFE INSTITUTE.

TO APPLY:Send a two page bio and answer these questions:
WHY I WANT TO BE A PERFORMANCE ART SAINT AND HOW I HAVE BEEN ONE IN THE PAST.

Teaching PERFORMANCE 1980Many artists who do performance also teach it and sometimes acting creatively as a teacher with students can be as equally rewarding as teaching itself. In fact it has been said that teaching is or can be considered performing(see Joseph Beuys) since what is similar between the two activites is the heightened awareness which results from focusing on a very inclusive and compelling activity to the exclusion of anything else...the mind becomes one-pointed and that is a high art.

As performers, artists choose personal ways to focus their attention and as performance teachers, artists observe the focused actions of students and videos of students in a think-tank environment along with the other students waiting to perform.

The energy can be quite electric because they are not only performing but critiqueing and analyzing and making corrections of their own work and the work of each other.

PERFORMANCE SYLLABUS, 1997
As you know, performance is not theatre, is not life and yet often it is real time based and addresseS real issues in a non-theatrical way that is often confusing to the newcomer and to a body of students who have had no experience of this genre.

THEREFORE,performance class: it is imperative that you address real issues in as strong a way as possible but METAPHORICALLY.This policy is the result of some misunderstandings that have occurred in the past.
You see the genre can be so life-like that it is sometimes not possible for some people in the class to differentiate from an action that is hinted at, performed actually or alluded to. Of course there has to be a way of preserving the integrity of the work, the intensity of the expression, the healings from having shared a thought, idea, taboo, feeling, concept, but all must be done without endangering self or others.(Remember this is academia.)Because there are so many threshholds of tolerance and experience represented in the class, it is imperative that a more generic approach be taken to the actions performed in this public classroom.
The classroom will be a lab, a place where ideas are constructed, but it will not be an areana where physical, mental, emotional and psychological danger is compromised.
SYLLABUS:Ideas concerning memory, space, time,light, movement,and everyday issues will be explored safely, appropriately and with full committment to artistic expression although tailored for a mixed community experience. Nothing physically or emotionally dangerous will be allowed in the class although discussion of the history of performance does include talk of these life-like and realtime often disturbing actions.
The student will be encouraged to talk to the instructor, TA, advisors, chair or dean if a problem of boundaries is an issue and the student is advised to be forthright in their feedback and communication concerning their progress in the class and the content of the class. No dangerous objects or actions or inappropriate to the syllabus events will be allowed and will be stopped if begun. No fire, glass, human blood, urine etc will be allowed.
Please try to follow these guidelines. Performance in the institution is not performance in a public venue where a different expectation of freedom of expression is present.
Please talk to me if you have any questions.

SYLLABUS 1995
PURPOSE OF THE PERFORMANCE ART CLASS:

The purpose of the class is to design and experience an atmosphere of personal and group discovery that allows each student to address the challenges of autobiography and self-portrait in a safe and productive way and use the ability to receive attention to help make daily life a more appreciated journey. This class is designed for those who are willing to creatively and maturely explore issues common to painting and sculpture but use realtime.In a sense, you must be willing to be seen because you are "visible"to the rest of the students. As a result, nerves and emotions are more present and it takes great care to be both present to your work in a risk-taking yet emotionally safe way and still grow by the experience and not be stunted by the trauma of disclosing trauma, or joy, or questions or confusion or pain! You are NOT obliged to do work that pushes emotional or physical buttons too far or to stay in the room for work that is too demanding for you to witness.

Artistic growth is encouraged,danger is not.You must present a verbal or written disclaimer before each piece.To extend the effectiveness of the class and get feedback, please use your own resources to talk about your work and your self after class. Also read, talk to class partners, talk to TA and instructor when you have a need.
There is a suggestion box provided for those students who want to remain anonymous.
There are also eight free therapy sessions that I highly recommend on campus and a 24 hour hotline.
Call day or night.
Numbers for free counselling:---------------24hour hotline:--------------
METHOD OF THE CLASS:
To free the body and mind and create an atmosphere of trust, each class is devoted to a physical, sonic and imaginative warm up. During this time tai-chi, yoga, improvised and deliberate movements are used to slow down and focus ordinary mind.This lasts one half hour.Then we experience one half hour of sound making. Students lie on the floor in a circle and make sounds using suggestions from the work of Pauline Oliveros's Sonic Meditations.
These exercises are intersperced with other sound exercises to free the voice and deepen its quality and abiity to express thought and feelings. The third aspect of the warm-up is designed to extend the imagination by traveling into images that open possibilities for deeper inner vision.
These suggestiong come from audiotapes or are vocalized by the instructor.NB If any of these exercises are not appropriate for you, please speak to me.
ASSIGNMENTS:
Each semester a different approach is taken given the configuration of the class but in general at least 4-5 individual performances are required. Also group pieces are given to create community. Sometimes at the end of a semester,a group show is required, often a paper from reading done from the reserve list under my name at the FAL.

LIVING ART EVENT:
Choose one aspect of your life that you want to make art about/with/from. This is done for the four months of this class and will be reported on at the end of this semester.See Kaprow at FAL.

WARNING:
No blood,feces, glass, fire, violence to self or others in the class is allowed. No knives, guns, dangerous objects or weapons are allowed. No hitting self ,others or objects.Check with the TA or instructor if you have questions about the content of your work or objects to be used.

PROCEDURE;
You will be given an 8mm tape at the end of the semester to keep.
Keep the room clean, assist to sweep and arrange chars at the end of class.
Please bring food to share when you can.
No smoking two hours before class or during class.
You take turns assisting TA each class.
Please be responsible.

GRADING:
1.Three free absenses no matter the reason.
2.After three down one grade.
3.One half hour late is late.Four lates equal one absence.
4.Participation, artistic and personal growth and attendance are all considered in your final grade. Being on time is importanct to the atmosphere.
5.The TA and I give the grade together after discussing your progress.
6.No late projects will be looked at.
7.If your absense is medical I need a document from your doctor so I can give you a make up.
8.Get a buddy.Your buddy's grade is lowered if they are not communicating with you well.

THE BODY
AT BIRTH WE HAVE 270 BONES IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
AS ADULTS WE HAVE 206 BONES IN OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
AT BIRTH WE HAVE 33 VERTEBRAE IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
LATER WE HAVE 26 VERTEBRAE IN OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 14 FACIAL BONES IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 14 RIBS IN OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 26 FOOT BONES IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 2 MILLION SWEAT GLANDS IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
THE SKIN IS THE LARGEST ORGAN IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
WE HAVE OVER 650 MUSCLES IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 6 BILLION MUSCLE FIBERS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
OUR HEART CONTRACTS AND DILATES 72 TIMES A MINUTE IN OUR BODY.
OUR HEART CONTRACTS AND DILATES 100,000 TIMES A DAY IN OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
OUR HEART CONTRACTS AND DILATES 40,000,000 TIMES A YEAR IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
BLOOD TRAVELS THROUGH OUR ARTERIES 40 MILES AN HOUR IN OUR BODY.
THERE ARE 25 TRILLION RED BLOOD CELLS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
EVERY SECOND OUR BONE MARROW PRODUCES 1 MILLION RED BLOOD CELLS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THERE ARE 5 TRILLION WHITE BLOOD CELLS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE AVERAGE 18 BREATHS PER MINUTE IN OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
THE LINING OF OUR STOMACH HAS 35 MILLION GLANDS IN OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
THE SMALL INTESTINE IS 20 FEET LONG IN OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
THE LARGE INTESTINE IS 5 FEET LONG IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
ONE EYE HAS 100 MILLION LIGHT RECEPTORS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE BRAIN HAS 12 TRILLION NERVE CELLS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 31 PAIRS OF SPINAL NERVES IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 3,888,888 SQUARE FEET OF SMALL INTESTINES IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU
WE HAVE 5 TO 9 PINTS OF BLOOD IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU..
WE HAVE 10 BILLION NERVE CELLS IN THE SPINAL CHORD IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE PRODUCE 7 TO 11 QUARTS OF GAS IN THE SMALL INTESTINE IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE HEART PUMPS 1.5 GALLONS OF BLOOD EVERY MINUTE IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE HEART PUMPS 87 GALLONS OF BLOOD EVERY HOUR IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE HEART PUMPS 2,11 GALLONS OF BLOOD EVERYDAY IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
WE LIVE APPROXIMATELY 30,000 DAYS IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
THE HEART PUMPS 766,600 GALLONS OF BLOOD EVERY YEAR IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THREE MILLION SWEAT GLANDS ELIMINATE WATER, WASTE, SALTS AND UREA IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THERE ARE 1,500 MILES OF SWEAT GLAND DUCTS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THERE ARE ONE AND A HALF POUNDS OF SKIN SHED ANNUALLY FROM OUR BODY.
BY THE AGE OF 70 WE SHED 150 POUNDS OF SKIN FROM OUR BODY.
ONCE A MONTH WE SHED OUR OUTER SKIN FROM OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 900 NEW SKINS IN A LIFETIME ON OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
THERE IS 30 FEET OF TUBING BETWEEN THE ANUS AND MOUTH IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE 600 OR MORE MUSCLES MAKE UP ONE HALF THE WEIGHT OF OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE BRAIN IS COMPOSED OF MORE THAN A BILLION NEURONS AND 50 BILLION SUPPORTING CELLS IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
THE BRAIN WEIGHS LESS THAN THREE POUNDS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE SPINAL CHORD IS SEVENTEEN INCHES LONG IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE HEART IS A MUSCLE THE SIZE OF A GRAPEFRUIT IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
EACH LUNG EXPANDS AND CONTRACTS 12-20 TIMES A MINUTE IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
WATER CONSTITUTES 60% OF AN ADULTS WEIGHT IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE SKIN WEIGHS 6 OUNCES IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
THE LIVER WEIGHS 3 OUNCES IN OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
THE BRAIN WEIGHS 3 POUNDS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE LUNGS WEIGH ONE POUND EACH IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE HEART WEIGHS 10 OUNCES IN OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
THE KIDNEYS WEIGH 4.5 OUNCES EACH.THANK YOU.
THERE ARE 25 JOINTS IN EACH HAND IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
500 MILLION SPERM SWIM TOWARD THE FALLOPIAN TUBE AND EGG AT ORGASM IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 60 TRILLION CELLS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE BREATHE IN AND OUT 21,600 TIMES A DAY IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WOMEN HAVE 60 KINDS OF ESTROGEN IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WOMEN'S FAT IS 27% OF OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
MEN'S FAT IS 17 % OF OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
THE FEMALE EGG IS ONE TENTH OF A MILLIMETER IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
500 MILLION SKIN CELLS FALL OFF DAILY FROM OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE HEART PUMPS ONE AND A HALF GALLON OF BLOOD PER MINUTE IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
FEAR AND ANGER RAISE THE HEART 50 BEATS IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
A 70 YEAR OLD HEART BEATS 2 BILLION TIMES IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THERE ARE 2 TRILLION LYMPHOCYTES IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
THE CELL LINING OF THE STOMACH CHANGES EVERY 2 WEEKS IN OUR BODY.
RED BLOOD CELLS LIVE TWO TO THREE MONTHS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
IT TAKES SEVERAL YEARS TO REPLACE THE LIVER CELLS IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
THE HEART AND BRAIN CELLS LAST A LIFETIME AND DON'T REPRODUCE IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 60,000 MILES OF VEINS, ARTERIES AND CAPILLARIES IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE STOMACH IS 10 INCHES LONG AND CAN HOLD TWO QUARTS OF FOOD IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
THE SKULL HAS 29 BONES IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE TAKE 19,000 STEPS A DAY AND WALK ABOUT 8 MILES A DAY IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
THE HEART PUMPS ABOUT 5-6000 PINTS OF BLOOD A DAY IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE HEART BEATS 1000 TIMES EVERY HALF HOUR IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
RED BLOOD CELLS OUTNUMBER WHITE BLOOD CELLS 700-1 IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THERE ARE AT LEAST 700 VARIETIES OF ENZYMES IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
THE BRAIN HAS 100 BILLION NEURONS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 100,000 HAIRS ON OUR HEAD ON OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
WE LOSE 75-100 HAIRS A DAY FROM OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
THE FOOT HAS 26 BONES, 38 MUSCLES AND 56 LIGAMENTS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 62,140 MILES OF BLOOD VESSELS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
END TO END, OUR BLOOD VESSELS WOULD STRETCH TWO AND A HALF TIMES AROUND THE EQUATOR.THANK YOU.
AT 70, OUR HEART BEATS 3,000 MILLION TIMES WITHOUT STOPPING IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
TO WALK IT TAKES 656 DIFFERENT MUSCLES IN OUR BODY. THANK YOU.
TO TAKE ONE STEP IT TAKES 200 MUSCLES OF THE BODY. THANK YOU.
TO FROWN, IT TAKES 400 MUSCLES IN OUR BODY.
TO SMILE , IT TAKES 15 MUSCLES IN OUR BODY.
THE FASTEST MUSCLES ARE THOSE THAT HELP US BLINK IN OUR BODY.
WE BLINK 200 TIMES A MINUTE IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
FOUR TENTHS OF OUR WEIGHT IS MUSCLE IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE MAKE 2.5 PINTS OF SPIT EVERY 24 HOURS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WE URINATE 1.75-3.5 PINTS OF URINE EVERY DAY FROM OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
AT 75 YEARS OLD, WE HAVE TAKEN 600 MILLION BREATHS WITH OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
WITH EACH BREATH WE TAKE IN ONE HALF PINT OF AIR INTO OUR BODY.
EVERY DAY WE NEED 530 CUBIC FEET OF AIR FOR OUR BODY.
IN A LIFETIME WE BREATH 14 MILLION CUBIC FEET OF AIR INTO OUR BODY.
IF ALL THE TUBES AND AIR SACS OF THE LUNGS WERE LAID OUT THEY WOULD COVER A TENNIS COURT.
THANK YOU.
THE SKIN IS .08 INCHES THICK AND CONTAINS SWEAT GLANDS, HAIR ROOTS, BLOOD VESSELS AND NERVES IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THERE ARE 100 SWEAT GLANDS FOR EVERY SQUARE CENTIMETER OF SKIN IN OUR BODY.
EACH DAY WE LOSE 1-1 AND THREE QUARTER PINTS OF SWEAT FROM OUR BODY.
THE THICKEST SKIN IS THE BOTTOM OF OUR FEET AND IT IS .12 INCHES THICK.
THE THINNEST SKIN IS THE EYELID AND THAT IS .04 INCHES THICK ON OUR BODY.
MOST OF THE DUST IN OUR HOUSE IS DEAD SKIN FROM OUR BODY.
NEW SKIN IS FORMING ALL THE TIME BELOW OLD SKIN ON OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
HAIR AND NAILS ARE MADE FROM DEAD CELLS.
THEY ARE NOT FED BY BLOOD OR NERVES OF OUR BODY.
HAIR GROWS.09 INCHES A WEEK ON OUR BODY.
HAIR GROWS 4.75 INCHES A YEAR ON OUR BODY.
IN A LIFETIME WE PRODUCE 28 FEET OF NEW HAIR ON OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
WE HAVE 32 TEETH IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
CHILDREN HAVE 20 MILK TEETH IN THE BODY.THANK YOU.
THE THEIGH BONE IS THE LARGEST BONE IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THE MIDDLE EAR BONE IS THE SMALLEST BONE IN OUR BODY.
THANK YOU.
RED BLOOD CELLS LIVE 120 DAYS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
BONE CELLS LIVE 25-30 YEARS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THERE ARE 10 MILLION ODOR DETECTING NEURONS IN THE NOSE OF OUR BODY.THANK YOU.
THERE ARE 70 TRILLION CELLS IN OUR BODY.THANK YOU.

HOW CARETAKING MY 89 YEAR OLD FATHER CONTINUES TO TEACH ME THE ART OF ATTENTION

1.How can you NOT pay attention when your dad might fall if two people aren't holding him, one on each side?

2. How can you NOT pay attention when everything he eats is bought, cooked and fed to him by you and his health depends on your choice of food, timing of meals and patience while feeding him?

3. How can you NOT pay attention when every medication(12 different ones a day) is ordered by you, picked up by you, and dispensed to him by you ?

4. How can you NOT pay attention when all 15 caregivers have 45,874676 different needs, personal issues, stories, salary idiosyncracies and home emergencies that sometimes make it impossible for them to make it to work on time or even show up for their shift?

5. How can you NOT pay attention when a ringing phone, slamming door or loud conversation disturb dad's fitfull attempts to relax, sleep or calm down ?

6. How can you NOT pay attention when dad begs to go home and is at home?

7. How can you NOT pay attention when your dad is teaching you how to die?

DECEMBER 27, 2001 my dad had a stroke. The MRI revelaed that it was a major stroke on top of another older stroke along with chronic ischemias. I am his primary caretaker. I perform this honor of being his caretaker as both a daughter and as an artist. Here are some of my findings:
TIME
PERFORMANCE ARTISTS sculpt with time, appropriating it by performing endurances which erase/celebrate it's importance.(TEHCHING HSIEH'S ONE YEAR LIVING IN A CAGE)

DAD sometimes lives in a biological/neuronal timelessness induced by medication/illness and needs prompting as to time's use and purpose.
MATERIAL
PERFORMANCE ARTISTS lavishly use materials appropriate to their concept.(KAREN FINLEY'S USE OF CHOCOLATE AS AN ART TOOL)

DAD now uses water and paper creatively instead of pragmatically, and it is now a material to be played with and enjoyed.

ACTIONS
PERFORMANCE ARTISTS act spontaneously/illegally/outrageously to reproduce their vision.(CHRIS BURDEN HAS A BULLET SHOT INTO HIS ARM)

DAD acts spontaneously and erratically sometimes because of his stroke, moving from crying to laughing within seconds .

DAD, once impeccably groomed, now disregards the impact of his appearance on others.
MOTIVATION
PERFORMANCE ARTISTS go anywhere, do anything so that their daily life issues can be transformed into tolerable ordinariness.(STELARC'S BODY HANGINGS

DAD'S audience of concerned family members, attending medical personnell, caretakers, onlookers fearfull of their own aging/fate, all become reminders of his changed status and/or become extensions of his physical-self, making it easier for him to live comfortably with assistance.

DAD is both medicated but also close to life's greatest mystery, death, and as a result his inner quiet, stillness and intense presence, gift those around him with a contact high.
LANGUAGE
PERFORMANCE ARTISTS create/communicate new languages, new sounds, new ways of sonically communicating meaning.(PAULIINE OLIVEROS' SONIC MEDITATIONS)

DAD, once an astute and powerfull businessman, has absolutely no access to society's money games anymore.
CONTINUITY
PERFORMANCE ARTISTS sometimes create multiple personas conversant with cultural stereotypes or their own aspirations.(LINDA M MONTANO PERFORMING AS A GURU)

QUESTION:WHEN DID YOU FIRST BECOME INTERESTED IN TEACHING?LINDA M MONTANO: Since 1966 I have been teaching art and have become familiar with teaching on three levels:
1.Teaching sculpture and object making at Catholic women's colleges;1966-1971.
2.Teaching performance art intinerantly with no administrative responsibilities in hundreds of places, 1971-1991
3.teaching performance art in a university while participating on committes, and in the life of academia, 1991-1998
Out of those three experiences, I prefer the visiting artist model since that better suits my skills, my personality and my style.

Q; WHAT IS YOUR STYLE?
LMM: I teach performatively, that is, what happens with people who spend time with me in the classroom is sometimes identical to what happens in performances. The classroom is a laboratory for the creation of presence, community, structure, intimacy, analysis, information and transformation. That has always been my goal. When I wear my performance art teacher mask, I allow myself to engage the body, mind and spirit of those playing the role of student. But the bottom line is----I must be engaged, attentive, having a "good" time for the whole thing to work

.
Q: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A THEATRE WORKSHOP TO ME. IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?
LMM: Videotaping one of my classes would reveal that many of the acivities look the same as those you would see in many other"creative" places. So what you are saying is true. But also, I'm convinced that fate puts us together with certain people who can tolerate each other's style and this gives that group a chance to get very high together, for lack of a better word. When they leave the lab/classroom, they adjust their methodologies to daily life and make that a performative dance.(See ART IN EVERYDAY LIFE, MONTANO 1980.)
Q:WHO WERE YOUR MENTORS?
LMM:Every spiritual teacher I've ever had especially my meditation Guru, Dr. R.S. Mishra as well as composer Pauline Oliveros and performance artist/teacher Eleanor Antin. All were holistic and were totally themselves when they taught. Plus, they had a ball!

Q: DESCRIBE A TYPICAL CLASS.
LMM: I start with the body: we might stretch to Indian Ragas, slow walk while accompanied by the TV news,or imitate geriatric courting birds . Addressing the physical first allows for instant trust, instant community, and a change of focus from the stresses of everyday mind. Play silences the judge. Then what follows is a sound exercise or what Pauline Oliveros terms, Sonic Meditation. These sound scapes are effective ways to clear out the debris of ego, worry, and make room for the authentic presentation of self later on in the class. And for the soul, silence might be "felt" or a chakra visualization offered, to deepen inner awareness. None of these examples are set in concrete since all is based on mood, weather, the day, and the needs/demands of the group. Often we have left the room, gone to a stream and sat the entire class.

The bottom line is , HOW TO CREATE CREATIVE PRESENCE , ATTENTION AND TRUST SO THAT STUDENTS CAN PERFORM THEIR SECRETS OR LIES, THEIR AUTOBIOGRAPHIES OR CELEBRATIONS, THEIR CONCERNS OR OUTRAGEOUSNESS FOR EACH OTHER IN A HEALING/BENEFICIAL ENVIRONMENT.Let's experiment now and do a fast, McDonald's version of one of my classes.
First, stretch your shoulders. Good. Feel your muscles breathe. Good, make a sound. Disguise your voice and tell your own inner child something that you need to hear. Now makke an animal sound that sums up your experience of the College Art Association meetings. Now feel the texture of silence and breath for 30 seconds. Good.
Q: HOW DO YOU GRADE PERFORMANCE ART?
LMM: One of the reasons that I am not able to perform the role of professor is because I insist that excellence is not measured by ADCB,but by the ability to change, to feel and to charge brain waves via the creative exploration of autobiography as art. Sure,in some classes my students have written extensive heady and theoretical research papers on ritual, gender, the body, the purpose of audience, the history of performance and these papers serve as a gradable object but I am still most facile and comfortable as a teacher when I don't have to serve as an arbiter or judge of another's excellence. Often I would say:
1."Grade yourself at the end of the semester."
2.or,"You start this class receiving an "A". And at the end of the semester, I would say, "Do you feel that you deserve an"A?"If they say no, then I would comment,"Then do x number of hours of community service to compensate for any lack of effort you might have given your work."
3.or sometimes I would announce, "All of you are getting "A's" and from the shock of that gesture, the rest of the semester we would rock and roll in relief.
Why are grades so problematical? I think it's because performance art from it's inception was about the edge, the outside, the permission not to belong. Performance artists teaching performance art in the academy have this great opportunity. They can give students:
permission to use both brains
permissionto move from trance to analysis
permission to create critiques that heal and don't hurt
permission to clean up our acts in front of each other
permission to take the practice home and make daily life, art.

1. Sometimes trauma or beauty or ecstasy or oppression make people want to make art. These people are called artists.

2. Sometimes they live with or spend time with or are influenced by others who are called lifeists because they say that what they are doing is not art but life.

3. Lifeists choose not to make art of their marvelous happenings or imaginings or traumas.

4. Sometimes when artists take vacations from being artists and spend time with lifeists they might not really feel at home because they are hiding their art-selves. Other times they are happy to be with lifeists so that they can drop their art and pay attention to life alone. This might seem frivolous but it isn't. Often it is as nice as art.

5. Sometimes lifeists make believe that they are artists and want to be on art-like,imitative of performances, reality T.V. shows. A few of these shows are:
CHAINS OF LOVE
BIG BROTHER
TEMPTATION ISLAND
TOM GREEN SHOW
MANHUNT
THE AMAZING RACE
FEAR FACTOR
SURVIVORS
THE MOLE
JACKASS etc

.
6.Sometimes artists look at these shows and remind the lifeists that what they are doing is not shamanistic enough, not sensitive enough, not informed aesthetically enough, not theoretical enough, not ironical enough, not culturally based enough. Artist then feel proud to be smart and better than lifeists. This is not good life or art to feel proud.

7.Sometimes lifeists accuse artists of hypocrocisy and artists then feel guilty, knowing that maybe they really wanted fame and that was as frivolous a motive as the lifeists desire for alot of money from being a TV star, which is a lifeists dream of happiness.

9.Sometimes lifeists dress like artists or buy homes where the artists live.

10. Then often something large and levelling and devestating and terrorizing and humbling happens and it is like an atom bomb, or a Holocaust, or a genocide, or a rape , or a repression , or an Inquisition, or a Crusade, or economic genocide, or sexual betrayal, or bodies falling from the skies, and then,.....sometimes everything stops ...and for awhile there is only life. Then for a short time, everyone in the whole, wide world, for a short, short time, becomes a really , really true artist of life because of death. And the whole wide, wide, wide world breathes together one silent breath and maybe the wheel begins to turn again. Here?

1. Bring your attention to your first chakra at the perinium. Bring peace to all of your earth, food, money, car, insurance, computer and property issues. Baptize yourself anew and live inwardly, peacefull on a minute to minute, daily basis.

2. Bring peace to your second chakra, the relationship and sex center. Bring peace to all past present and future sexual events along with forgiveness. The sacrament of Communion can be participated in or imagined and this level of sacredness can now be felt in all transactions.

3. Bring peace to the third chakra the warrior center. Let the adrenals be at peace and the guts be in harmony as well as the 22 feet of intestines. The Holy Spirit, through Confirmation, bestows even greater energy on all daily actions and gives perseverance and courage to do the right thing always.

4. Bring peace to the heart center, the fourth chakra. Let all rooms of the heart be balanced and working beautifully and empty of old issues that are irrelevant and limiting. Marriage to the yin/yang the right and left brain the male and female within brings an ecstasy that is palpable.

5. Bring peace to the fifth center, the throat chakra. Let the thyroid be perfect and the communication skills benefit from this peace. All boundaries are spoken of, all communications are forthright. Confession of any sins or transgressions are made as soon as possible to the priest or the friend so that the soul sparkles in unencumbered freedom of expression and contentment. Nothing more need be done except to bask in that purity of spirit.

6. Bring peace and attention to the sixth center, the third eye. Vision is principled and the mission statement is responsible and of service to all as well as self-nourishing. We Ordain ourselves to our highest life purpose as if only a short time were left of this earhtly life.

7. Bring peace and attention to the top of the head. The seventh center radiates with energy and light and the pituitary gland is well. The brain is in aroma-heaven with the smell of thousands of flowers. We receive Extreme Unction, the sacrament of the dying to prepare for the daily dying in prayer and meditation. Always prepared, and in ecstatic presence we share our news with all.

P.S.:Caroline Myss made the connections between the Chakras and Sacraments and the Kaballah.I truly thank her for this theological breakthrough. Linda M Montano, September, 2001

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

A Sample ART/LIFE COUNSELING Phone Session( All incidents changed to protect privacy.)AUDREY S: Hi, is this Linda Montano? My name is Audrey and I got your number from your web site and read about you in Angry Women. Do you still do Telephone Tarot?LINDA M MONTANO: Actully I don't Audrey. Now that I'm a practicing Catholic, I gave it up ! But I do ART/LIFE COUNSELING. Is there something you want to talk about ?A.S: Yes.I'm an artist, 40 years old and I've been working on some ideas that I need help with.LMM:OK. What I will do is ask you a few questions first and feel free to edit the question or change them and really question my questions.OK ?AS: OK.LMM: What is your childhood theme or first memory? Say your first thought positive or negative.AS: Actually my first thought resonates with the idea I've been considering. It's about violence. When I was 7 I saw a neighbor hit his dog with a large stick and it killed the dog. After that I went into a kind of silence and emotional post traumatic stress , I think they call it and it has effected my dreams.
Of course I have good memories, alot of them, but this is the one that surfaces as a theme in my life and work.LMM: Let's start with this information then but you can do the same kind of process with any theme or memory, this is just an example of the kind of thinking you can do.
As an artist you have the opportunity to creatively alter, de-fuse, transform, reflect on, dissipate and re-route memories that get in the way of a happy and centered life. That's what's so great about art. It's all material if you want to use it. Of course in the mix are the aesthetic and ethical concerns but for now we will stay with content.
First , remember that you have a storehouse of options and media at your disposal and thousands of ways to express your theme or idea.
I've found that if you can remain raw in the beginning, it helps the surgery. So write down your incident as truthfully as possible. The sounds, sights, smells, feelings. Don't edit. Do you have access to a sound studio?AS: I have a pretty good amatur tape system and can record things at home. I also dance.LMM: Good. After you write the story, find sounds or music which resonate with the story and if possible present it simply, non-aesthetically and in this raw way to your therapist.
After working for awhile with the therapist, if she/he feels that it is appropriate to present the material to a few close friends in your home, do so. That way there is no critique, no judgment. If perchance the desire for audience and exposure and a larger sharing is on your aggenda, then ethical and aesthetic issues get raised. For example: is my idea readable? What do I want from the "other"? The eyes of the audience? Pathos? Empathy? An aesthetic catharsis? As I age, I'm less willing to go toward "shock" eventhough it might be in my life and in my material. But that is your decision and depends on what you and your audience can handle. Sometimes warning them of what they are about to experience is helpfull.AS: I have avoided emotion in my work because I fear going to that big place. Any thoughts?LMM:The important part is honoring the memory. Before I started therapy I thought art could do it all. Then I shared it all with therapy. Then I found that I needed religion to even it all out so my work has changed drastically. It is definately a smorgasborgh of art, healing and spirit.
You might work out the storm undt drang with the therapist or with prayer and by the time you get to the public, all the pain of the memory and terror might be wrung out and your performance might look very non-aggressive. For example, you might cradle a stuffed animal in your arms and sing softly to it? Or cry as you talk to it? Or raise seeing eye dogs for the blind as art? Or volunteeer at a dog shelter as art? Or make a 14 foot dog puppett and dance with it for 3 days at noon until 4 !
Remember, your aim is to evolve from repressed trauma to embraced compassion.I don't want to sound grandmotherish but try being Dhali Lama-ish about your work. AS: That makes sense. There's enough struggle in my daily life, maybe my art can be a place where I get some different kind of nourishment.LMM: The performance of the 70's was so much more self-referential in a narcissistic way. Now times have changed and artists are using the genre to evolve their consciousness not haze themselves. TV is doing that to the new Everyartist! Just look at Survivor or Temptation Island. Alot of performance art concepts are commodified there. Right?AS: Yes and I know you were tied with Tehching in his ONE YEAR PERFORMANCE. Isn't there a new TV program about a woman being tied to four men or something like that?LMM:I still find the workshop setting and doing it for friends setting the best. Once it gets out to a larger public, trouble arises. Cutting, shooting and re-enacting of 70's concepts can often hide the simple need to be healed via creativity in a safe and healthy and appropriate way.AS: Linda, I'm trying to write this all down. Can I pay you for this? What do you charge?LMM: Nothing. Just do something for somebody else in the next 7 years. Give your neice some art supplies.AS:What do you do to keep your mind vital? I find the emotional so bothersome and so punitive.LMM: A few years ago I was having an exceptionally hard time and I did this subconscious re-programming on myself. It is a collage of alot of techniques that I learned from others. Try it, see if it helps. You can do it as I describe it or write it down and do it later, whichever you like.
1.Notice that cultural beliefs run our thinking.
2. Some are negative, out of date and are stored deep in the recesses of the mind.
3. Locate the belief storage container.
4. Architect a new one if you don't like yours.
5.Pick out a negative thought that has been running your life.
6. Write it down. Edit it and make it positive, even saccarine.
7.Now go inside and imagine your favorite friend or inner guide or teacher standing next to your belief system container .
8.The formula is , I----------NAME,NOW BELIEVE------------
9.As you say your new belief out loud three times, give the old one to your friend and let her discard of it .
10.Repeat when necessary.AS: That sounds great. Mine was, "I'm always feeling terrified and terrorized." And I changed it to, "I, Audrey, now beleive in inner harmony and practice spacious and trusting beauty inside myself." Is that saccarine enough?LMM: Excellent!AS: Thanks, Linda. LMM: You're welcome. Happy art/life to you, until we meet again. (Sung to Dale Evan's Happy Trails To You.) Bye.LMM: Perfect.

ONCE UPON A TIME........EROTICA ART
Time was running out. Brian returned not only to his upstste, hometown, village life and prelude to retirement but to the religion of his youth, Roman Catholicism. Age, lost innocence, near fatalities, poor judgement and harsh wake-up calls had forced a surrender that only his art had known until then. In obedience he travelled back, not ahead on his own trail, but back to the sights, smells, rituals and sacraments; back to a physical posturing, an early, learned stance and awe-filled reticence that helped him survive his first 17 years in that town of watching and loose-tongued gossip over the clothes line. Remeber it was the 50's.

Scrutiny by others was a smallprice to pay for THE RETURN because in going back he contacted a physical kinesthesia, an uncontrollable bodily response to mystery and Presence which was swoon-like, ecstasy-like, liminal-like; back to a spontaneous desire to not move, rather BE moved from within. Brian's first "experience" when 10 resulted in what seemed to be a fainting from hunger or onverheating. It happened simultaneously with the Consecration of the Wine at Mass but after that one time, he hid the feeling deep inside, modelling the Zen-quiet equanimity of the nuns who closely watched their flock, mentoring stillness both in church and the classroom.

Once back in the same village, Brian'shypocalmus, reptilian brain, inner child and drama-trained skills re-emerged and he attempted to construct himself as he had once been. Given the task of oncorporating tremendous surges of energy into cells habituated to his own proclivities , he found the tug of war fascinating. With scientific observation he noted how he coped thosefirst 15 years; voices were then punitive, repeating mantra-like,"Hold it in," "Deny,""Don't show off,", "Don't tell," and when the ecstatic force of Visitation washed over his soul-hungerat Mass or during prayer in public he heard, "Tighten up so the kids kneeling next to you don't have a clue what's happening. Only saints faint with love."

For 40 years he had been away in lands and mental states of permission and creativity and free intimacy and desire. As a result he was terribly spoiled. Inclusion of EVERYTHING as permissable had provided him with a playground for his secularized metaphysical flights. Orchestrating things so well, he actually made a living from doing what he wanted------at least that's what it seemed; days were an unending banquet, an art cruise, an uninterrupted ride into alpha and on the way back, he re-arranged the muse's messages, sharing the wealth.

That was then. Encased in shame,the Prodigal Son crashed, came home to the same bed, same house, same kitchen table but this time something was different. Glued to the TV, he watched re-runs of animal programs on the discovery chanel and was heart-softened by one about wild ponies trained to be used differently. Actually, it made him cry--------the ropes, the hoofs in the air, the handlers talking the wildness out until a saddle and bridle and bit, then the rider won over the animal's will. Horse eyes went from flaming red to sweet surrender. Brian identified and Grace was the rider.

CHAPATI
1 cup flour
1 tablespoon oil
water
Combine all ingredients. Knead and form a ball. Place in bowl, 30 minutes. Knead again and form about 7 small balls. Roll into a 5 inch circle. Use flour if too sticky. Heat until bubbles and turn cooking the other side until it puffs.

Co-trainers there were many; critiques by blood family, his own uncontested memories and an amazingly wise and semi-cloistered monk who became his spiritual director. Father Gerald had been in India 35 years and his international experience had karmically prepared him to understand Brian's soul which was conversant with and practiced in eastern theologies. So when Brian said Kundalini, Father Gerald translated it as Gifts of the Spirit; Brian said Vedanta, Father Gerald said Transubstantiation; Brian said Nirvikalpa Samadhi, Father said Centering Prayer; Brian said Tantra, Father Gerald said Reconciliation; Brian said Makyo, Father said neurotic hallucinations. And on and on, spiritually echoing each other. It was much like a religious berlitz course, a receipe for return and re-theologizing of Brian's ride back to Presence.

A year into his return home it began again:
he was tossed to the floor---just like before
the walls whispered messages---just like before
he floated to the ceiling and beyond---just like before
he fainted when the Host was raised at Mass---just like before
To compensate he did three things:
1. He asked am I dreaming? Having a bioelectrical/neurological misfiriing?
2. He overate, became heavier and used the logic that said, ------more pounds, less levitaton.
3. He met with Father Gerald and they talked for hours about the difference between demonic oppression and demonic possession. Once the difference was understood, Brian was encouraged to repeat Hail Mary's , or the Memorare, or command the disturbance to leave in the name of the Blood of Jesus ! Possession needed exocism, oppression needed prayer. Father counseled further: " Learn to pray, Brian, that is your greatest weapon and don't get attached to any of this. I want to read you something written by St. John of the Cross:
" The pure, cautious, simple and humble soul should resist and reject revelation and other visions with as much effort and care as it would extremely dangerous temptatons, for in order to reach the UNION OF LOVE there is no need of desiring them,but rather of rejecting them. Solomon meant this when he exclaimed: " What need has a man to desire and seek what is above his natural capacity?" This means that to be perfect there is no need to desire or receive goods in a way that is supernatural and beyond one's capacity." THE ASCENT

Years of fearless Body Art was good training because now his 630 muscles relaxed when attacked; the 400 trillion cells of his body exuded light when bothered; his cerebrum, cerebellum, cerebral cortex and hypocalmus were no longer overpowered by chaos. Humbled by all the newness and the simplicity of obedience, he let go of his tensions, forgot about his tortured conscience, and gave up his old proclivities for the extrordinary. Life quieted itself.
And then, while in prayer one chilly March dawn, he surrendered, submitted, obeyed, received and merged when a feather-winged lightforce wrapped him in a warmth beyond touch, piercing his side, his hands , his feet, with an invisible knife-tipped arrow.
This is not, THE END

FOOTNOTE:
After sending this "Invitation" to a few friends and reading Mark Saltzman's ,LAYING AWAKE, I structured my essay differently.
AN INVITATION
In the 70's I met Performance Artist Karen Finley at the San Francisco Art Institute where I was "teaching" performance. Immediately and instantly we became colleagues and I have been adevotedfan of her work and admirer of her vision eversince.
She has invitedme to write something for her newbook on erotica and I would like to look at the subject through the fictional eyes of St. Theresa of Avila ( Name wouldbe different, actions different, lots of other things similar andit would give me a chance to "perform"sainthood as art!)
What interests me is Divine ecstasy but also the chemical/neurological/neurobiological/physcological/theological/archetypical/medical/erotic/hystericalissues conversant with mystical states of rapture.

EMAIL 2
For 40 years he had been away in lands and mentalstates ofpermission and creativity and free intimacy and desire. As a result he was terribly spoiled. Inclusion of EVERYTHING as permissable had provided him with a playground for his secularized metaphysical flights. Orchestrating things so well , he actually made a living from doing what he wanted------at least that's what it seemed; days were an unending banquet, an art cruise, an uninterrupted ride into alpha and on the way back, he re-arranged the muse's messages, sharing the wealth.

That was then. Encasedin shame,the Prodigal Son crashed, came home to the samebed,same house, same kitchen table but this time something was different. Glued to the TV, he watched re-runs of animal programs on the discovery chanel and was heart-softened by one about wild ponies trained to be useddifferently. Actually, it made him cry--------the ropes, the hoofs in the air, the handlers talking the wildness out until a saddle and bridle and bit ,then rider won over the animal's will. Horse eyes went from flaming red tosweet surrender. Brian identified and Grace was the rider.

CHAPATI
1 cup flour
1 tablespoon oil
water
Combine all ingredients.Knead and form a ball. Place in bowl, 30 minutes. Kead again and form about 7 small balls. Roll into a 5 inch circle. Use flour if too sticky.Heat until bubbles and turn cooking the other side until it puffs.

Co-trainers there were many;critiques by blood family, his own uncontested memories and an amazingly wise and semi-cloistered monk who became his spiritual director. Father Gerald had been in India 35 years and his international experience had karmically prepared him to understand Brian's soul which was conversant with and practiced in eastern theologies. So when Brian said Kundalini,Father Gerald translated it as Giftsof the Spirit; Brian said Vedanta, Father Gerald said Transubstantiation; Brian said Nirvikalpa Samadhi, Father said Centering Prayer; Brian said Tantra, Father Gerald said Reconciliation; Brian said Makyo, Father said neurotic hallucinations. And on and on, spiritually echoing each other. It was much like a religious berlitz course, a receipe for return and re-theologizing of Brian's ride back to Presence.

A year into his return home it began again:
he was tossed to the floor---just like before
the walls whispered messages---just like before
he floated to the ceiling and beyond---just like before
he fainted when the Host was raised at Mass---just like before
To compensate he did three things:
1. He asked am I dreaming? Having a bioelectrical/neurological misfiriing?
2. He overate, became heavier and used the logic that said, ------more pounds, less levitaton.
3. Hemet with Father Gerald and they talked for hours about the difference between demonic oppression and demonic possession. Once the difference was understood, Brian was encouraged to repeat Hail Mary's , or the Memorare, or command the disturbance to leave in the name of the Blood of Jesus ! Possession needed exocism,oppression needed prayer. Father counseled further: " Learn to pray, Brian, that is your greatest weapon and don't get attached to any of this. I want to read you something written by St. John of the Cross:
" The pure, cautios, simple and humblesoul should resist and reject revelation and
other visions with as much effort and care as it would extremely dangerous
temptatons, for in order to reach the UNION OF LOVE there is no need of desiring
them,but rather of rejecting them. Solomon meant this when he exclaimed:
" What need has a man to desire and seek what is above his natural capacity?" This
means that to be perfect there is no need to desire or receive goods in a way that is
supernatural and beyond one's capacity." THE ASCENT

Years of fearless Body Art was good training because now his 630muscles relaxed when attacked; the 400 trillion cells of his body exuded light when bothered; his cerebrum, cerebellum, cerebral cortex and hypocalmus were no longer overpowered by chaos. Humbled by all the newness and the simplicity of obedience, he let go of his tensions, forgot about his tortured conscience, and gave up his old proclivities for the extrordinary. Life quieted itself.
And then, while in prayer one chilly March dawn, he surrendered, submitted,obeyed, received and merged when a feather-winged lightforce wrapped him in a warmth beyond touch,piercing his side, his hands , his feet, with an invisible knife-tipped arrow.
This is not, THE END

FOOTNOTE:
After sending this "Invitation" to a few friends and reading Mark Saltzman's ,LAYING AWAKE, I structured my essay differently.
AN INVITATION
In the 70's I met Performance Artist Karen Finley at the San Francisco Art Institute where I was "teaching" performance. Immediately and instantly we became colleagues and I have been a devoted fan of her work and admirer of her vision ever since.
She has invited me to write something for her newbook on erotica and I would like to look at the subject through the fictional eyes of St. Theresa of Avila ( Name would be different, actions different, lots of other things similar and it would give me a chance to "perform"sainthood as art!)
What interests me is Divine ecstasy but also the chemical/neurological/neurobiological/psychological/theological/archetypical/medical/erotic/hysterical issues conversant with mystical states of rapture.

ENDURANCE:THEN AND NOW : Linda Mary Montano 1998
This presentation/paper is not only about my work; it is also designed to include you the listener/reader because I will be asking you endurance questions throughout. For example: What event in your life challenged you to endure? Take a minute and review the event. Where are you now with this event? Are you in the waiting stage, feeling the emotions? (Pause) Or are you in the anger stage, confronting the event? (Pause) Or have you transformed the event, accepted it, made art with or about it? Wherever you are, the non-defined feeling stage, the anger stage or the transforming stage, is where you are and the place you need to be.

NOTE: The week before Christmas, I sat by my father's bed, 24 hours a day for 6 days and nights , in an upstate NY hospital, as he recovered from disc surgery.I listened as he hallucinated from the pain killers and observed visually the woman down the hall strapped to her chair across from the nurses station, sounding like the female comedians from the British TV sitcom, Absolutely Fabulous.
Barbara was her name and she was raging, remembering past injustices from childhood, calling to God (This is not the only reason to be nice to people...they never forget any unkindness on a cellular level.) I was the observer, watching it all, choosing to be there.Who was waiting in this scenario? Who was enduring? Was it art or just a case of life waiting to be magically changed into art? ENDURANCE:
I have always been interested in enduring. As a young Catholic girl, I knelt before the bloody, gory, Crucifix in our upstate NY church and I waited, endured the discomfort that comes from kneeling, endured the isolation that comes from choosing church over play and "fun", endured the possibility that I might not be good enough or saintly enough to go to heaven or be like Jesus. I was definately linked to suffering , penance and the guilt fast track at a young age. I remember how nuns would talk about Christ and how He endured the suffering of carrying the cross, how he fell down, how he was nailed to the cross, and died miserably, forgiving everyone. His endurance etched itself into my belief system and when I was seven years old, I wanted to be a saint and I thought to do that I had to suffer like Jesus. That became the plot and story line for my entire life quest.
To do that
At twenty I entered a convent, "enduring " two years as a Catholic nun ,living in silence those two years except for one hour a day when we all talked together in recreation. I loved the community and dedication to a higher good and absolutely pure goal, but I left anorexic, having lost nearly 50 pounds in six months, high as a kite on endorphins . Holy anorexia? Delusions? Endurance gone amuck?
When I was introduced to art soon after I left, I immediately found a way to transfer religious fervor and my prediliction for penance and suffering into my work; first as sculpture and then as perormance art.
For example, I sat for hours, lay down for hours, danced for hours, in public, asking audiences to watch me endure. Give me attention I demanded, witness my long-term committment. And in so doing, I felt more alive as I soaked in their curiosity. It was as if I couldn't exist without them. Their presence was like a bath of recognition and approval and I wanted them to delight in my actions. Without the other's gaze, I didnt feel at all so I learned more intricate ways to raise my own energy and get others to view me doing so and then there would be this synergistic marriage of static electricity going on. They were in this web of my mysteries as viewer and manipulated into the role of voyeur, mid-wife to my happiness and co-creator of my art.Some images from that time:
1.Lying three hours in a bed surrounded by 12 paper mache chickens, me dressed as a saint....enduring.
2.Sitting as a saint , in 9 places in Rochester, three hours each place , holding a home-made chicken sculpture....enduring.
3.Walking on a treadmill for three hours going uphill, telling my life story...enduring.
4.Lying in view three hours with accupuncture needles in my conception vessel.....enduring.
5.Standing outside ringing a bell as a Salvation Army bell ringer....enduring.
6.Living 3 days handcuffed to Tom Marioni....enduring.
7.Living blindfolded for a week, preparing for old age and potential blindness.... enduring.
8.Living in a gallery room as five different people, one a day...enduring.
9.Studying the martial arts so as to channell rage into good action...enduring.
10.Mouring the death of my ex-husband for two years as art....enduring.
11.Singing a song for three hours to my husband after his death....enduring.
12.Camping out in many galleries,museums and art spaces , using everyday life as art....enduring.
13.Going to the NewMuseum once a month for seven years, giving Art/Life Counseling...enduring.
14. Living for a year tied by a rope to Tehching Hsieh in his ONE YEAR PERFORMANCE..enduring.
15.Living for 14 years in seven different colors to honor the chakras and sacraments...enduring.

PAUSE
Now take some time and imagine your own performance. Create an action in your imagination that would mirror one of your life issues and see yourself enduring.
Certainly there is a psychological and freudian view that can be seen in my work but let's also suppose that the work is a very intuitive shamanic and ritualistic way that I invented to lead myself into altered states of consciousness while bringing the viewer along with me on this interior and mysterious journey.
Possibly there are many ways of viewing my intentions and I believe that sometimes there is a thin line between neurotic narcissism and tantric, shamanic soul travel.
Like Catherine of Siena, and many other Catholic saints and mystics, I was enamoured of endurance so I could tough it out, prepare myself for the hard knocks of life, so I could fight the good fight, bite the bullet, so I could keep it up, go the whole nine yards, get the job done and give my all. (For me? For God? ....that took a long time to decipher.)
Once I learned of Hindu yogis and their methods of achieving stillness, concentration, equanimity and inner silence, I felt in the company of kindered spirits and brother-sister travellers. For example, Tibetan nuns, lost/found in trance, endure rigorous/repetitive mantras, visualizations, penances, charnel ground watchings, all meant to make then impervious to Himalayan cold, pain, the mind and illusions of the relative world.
These practictioners are some of my guides, helpers, teachers mentors and inspirations on my path.

PAUSE
Who is your helper? See this person.Thank them. Vow to become a helper to someone else in the future.

We have lookedat my backgground. Let's now look at some universal reasons why we all endure. Endurance is built into our system because under this skin is a galaxy of networks, a mysterious world of muscles, bones, veins, and organs which endure our turbulent emotional states, endure our tortured thoughts, endure our various and punitive diets, endure the torture of climate changes and home-uprootings, endure our lovelessness, endure our fertile negative imaginings and paranoias, endure our lovellessness, endure our tortured memories and traumatic secrets, endure our disrespect for authorities and bitterness toward everyone's good intention .
PAUSE
See your body in great detail. Clear it of all past endurances that hurt.

ART&ENDURANCE
We artists love to create solutions to all of the above and in the late 60's there came into the art stream a group of creators who made Body Art. Many of us used endurance as a primary material for our work. Some of the reasons might be:
1.That endurance was a reaction against the linearity and dogmatism of minimal art.
2.That endurance artists were interested in leaving the world of buying and selling art, of making our work for each other, for ourselves, not for slick documents,mindless magazines, judging audiences or uncaring strangers.
3.That artists publically used the drugs of the day; marijuana, hashish, lsd, and peyote. Drugs which allowed them to hang out and endure for long periods of time in trance and altered states, as art.
4.That the womens' movement and civil rights movements inspired artists to experiment with issues of sensitivity training and consciousness-raising, as art.
5.That artists of the 60's formed deep bonds with both eastern spiritual teachers and with american Indian elders who helped us see and feel new ways of honoring and appreciating our bodies and the earth. These wise teachers taught us self-initiatory and risk-taking rituals which could be used to mark important passages. They introduced us to death-defying actions, risk-taking attitudes, and important maturity retreats. Later, once we learned from them, we translated the teachings into our performances. Now reality tv's souless translations of our experiments mirror our work but miss the inner meaning.
ENDURANCE AND WOMEN ARTISTS
There has always been division around gender. How did women "endure"? And men?
Performance art became the art ofchoice for women artists in the 70's since it offered a fluid, intuitive, healing, versatile, spontaneous and dynamic method akin to the physical waitings/endurings that women perform at childbirth and in the act/art of childraising.
Some women who endured:
Faith Wilding,waited;
Nancy Youdelman exaggerated;
Judy Chicago healed;
Carolee Schneemann liberated;
Hannah Wilke exposed;
Eleanor Antin satarized;
MierleUkeles respected;
Annie Sprinkle shared;
Katren Finley raged;
Suzanne Lacy aged;
all of them used time and material in new ways and courageously forged ahead of a tired system of painting/sculpture current at that time.

MEN AND ENDURANCE
Men also played with time and initiated themselves but somewhat differently.
Joseph Beuys wrapped;
Tehching Hsieh deprived;
Chris Burden cruucified;
Stelarc hung;
Terry Fox cured;
Richard Long walked;
Vito Acconci yanked;
Tom Marioni drank.
And not to confuse the issue,what about couples?
Alex and Alison Grey processed;
Marina Abromovic and Ulay stared;
Barbara Smith and past lovers embraced;
LindaMontano and Tehching Hsieh got roped.
PAUSE
Can you imagine how you would initiate yourself into a life passage? Write it, sing it, perform it , keep it secret but by allmeans BE SAFE!!
Or join an invisible internet community where travel, audience and appleause are non-existent.CONCLUSION:
My father once told me when I was complaining about a life issue....I think it was insurance prices....He said, "Life is hard enough. Don't make hard things harder." And in his year book his legacy is,SOMEONE WHO MAKES DIFFICULT THINGS SEEM EASY.
By practicing endurance, possibly we can prepare in a strong way for times when we need to be even stronger.

This paper was given during my last performance at UT Texas as a good-bye.

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY ART MUSEUM AND PACIFIC FILM ARCHIVE (BAM/PFA)
2626 Bancroft Way
February 29–June 17

ARTFORUM.COM REVIEW OF STATE OF MIND SHOW IN CALIFORNIA, 2012

Bonnie Sherk, Portable Park II, 1970. Performance view.(PHOTO)

There are perpetual rumblings about ballot initiatives to split California in half, somewhere in the middle of this vast landmass. It’s exactly the kind of crackpot idea or pipe-dream hyperbole that makes the Golden State (and its residents) so appealing. “State of Mind” is the only exhibition of the Getty-sponsored, Los Angeles-centric “Pacific Standard Time” lot to migrate north, and it serves the vital function of expanding the program’s geographic purview to include NorCal artists. Perhaps even more important is that it demonstrates (as the title asserts) that there is indeed a broader mindset in this part of the country. Curators Constance M. Lewallen and Karen Moss note the inadequacy of any codified regional aesthetic, yet they use a tight historical window—in and around 1970—to illustrate California’s unique confluence of conditions: youth culture, political activism, feminism, a focus on the body, film, and the freeing sense that, at the time, no one bought art here.
The exhibition focuses primarily on Conceptual practices, which had a more whimsical and confrontational flavor here than East Coast brands did. John Baldessari’s California Map Project Part 1, 1969/2009, serves as an emblematic work, both crunchy and smart, in that it literally surveys the entire state: For the work Baldessari made giant letters (out of rocks, paint, and sand) on the landscape where they fell on a printed map. The show also wisely includes well-chosen works by not quite as iconic but equally notable artists: James Melchert, Gary Beydler, Stephen Kaltenbach, Bonnie Sherk, and pranksterish collectives like Asco and Sam’s Café give the show its real cerebral kick.
With its numerous videos, slide shows, and films displayed alongside ephemera, performance documentation, installations, and reconstructed sculptural works, “State” makes a case for California’s enduring influence on contemporary art, particularly social and relational practices. Forty years ago artworks taking the form of urban farms (Sherk), flash mob activism (collectively Joe Hawley, Mel Henderson, and Alfred Young), lengthy walks (Bas Jan Ader), and performative occupation of space (Lynn Hershman Leeson, Allen Ruppersberg, Linda Mary Montano) existed on the margins, but as the show demonstrates, these West Coast impulses were way ahead of their time.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I PLUS 1 EQUALS 1
According to my mother I was not visible when she was pregnant because I came in January and her heavy coat hid her stomach and my presence. One story is,"Everyone was shocked when you were born, Linda" and after years of research into reasons why I do performance, I've decided that this uterine story might be ONE(not the only) of the plausible reasons why I have always felt a need to "shock" myself and audiences with my art.(Sorry for the implication , Mom!) We are encoded at conception and have picked up attitudes and tendecies while in the womb. Behavioral scientists are realizing that and as a result, a new-agish training course is offered to parents-to-be which prepares the whiz kid of tomorrow by sending them to pre, pre, pre nursery school, The School of the Womb.(Did I make this up?)In the class the parents are encouraged to read books to the foetus through the mother's mouth, make sounds so sounds at birth won't be startling and you can imagine other permutations. Having been born before all of that, much of my work is about mending the past. But on the other hand, early conditioning and deprivation has produced some pretty outrageous later manifestations, gestures and actions. The way that I read it is that since I was somewhat "invisible" in utero, I carried over the need to be seen into my life and later made an art of it? Does this make sense? With all due respect to my parents, I would like to illustrate how the theme of invisibility/disappearance/transcendence was first acted out in my life and then, once I realized that I might as well make a career out of this propensity for the mysterious, I will illustrate how I transferred the gift into a money making vocation.(OK so it isn't much, performance doesn't pay as we all know.) FOUR WAYS I LEARNED TO LEAVE THE BODY IN MY DAILY LIFE
1.As an infant I was allergic to cow milk formula and threw it up. My mother reports,"It used to look like cottage cheese coming out of your mouth." EXAMPLE OF OBJECTS LEAVING THE BODY.
2.When 7 years old, I threw up breakfast all over my parents new wallpaper, every morning before school, and the reason was because kids were stepping on my coat in the cloakroom and I couldn't communicate this to anybody. Once I told the reason to my parents,and was given a private coathanger, I never threw up again.EXAMPLE OF OBJECT LEAVING THE BODY.
3.When 21, while in the convent, I became anorexic and left weighing almost half my weight. Was I solving the riddle of physical transcendence but using drastic methods?EXAMPLE OF EXPERIMENTING WITH TRANSCENDENCE?
4.When 28, I was in a rollover car accident. I remember returning (astrally???) to my shocked body and feeling a re-entry. EXAMPLE OF LEAVING THE BODY AND RETURNING.

ART, A PLACE WHERE I PRACTICED DISAPPEARANCE WITH SELF-DESIGNED SEMBLANCES OF SAFETY
The above "life" examples are pre-performance ways that I solved things and asked questions. As a trained sculptor I later made objects that could appear and disappear using clay, wood, stone, metal and stuff. Eventually I collaged early childhood memores and impressions humorously, and aesthetically and called the actions performance, getting rid of the "stuff" in my work. Animals became walk-ins for me, specifically chickens in the following configuations:
1. ANIMAL AS SELF
2.SELF AS ANIMAL/SAINT
3.SELF AS OTHER
4.SELF AS ONE
5. SELF
1.ANIMAL AS SELF:CHICKENS, 1969. I presented chickens in cages for my MFA show and saw them as a metaphor for me, hoping they would illustrate my expertise with the concept of art but also be a humorous fill-in.
2.SELF AS ANIMAL/SAINT: LYING,SITTING,DANCING AS CHICKEN WOMAN 1971-76
By becoming the chicken I could also be the nun/saint in disguise. By doing performance actions on the street, I was drawing to myself attention that I could not give myself and yet learning from audeinces how to eventually be with ME. The endurances were short, usually 3 hours, but were training me publically. And because I had strong internal messages to feel comfortable in poetic "disappearance", I could easily become anyone or anything, even a saint? A chicken?
3.SELF AS OTHER: 7 CHARACTERS:
By 1975, I had formalized and made the gift of being able to get out of my own way, a bit more sophisticated and with the help of southern California and it's invitation to dramatize, I resurrected in myself 7 personae, and found that I could easily act as them, perfect them, speak as them and this was much more fun and easier than being me! By then I was beginning to ask, Who is the real Linda Montano?
4:SELF AS ONE: ART/LIFE, ONE YEAR PERFORMANCE.
Tehching Hsieh's art is extremely rigorous. With his performances he keeps himself focused, in danger, responsible and honorable. I joined him in his rope piece and the intensity of being tied to him with an 8 foot rope, not touching and always in the same room drove me into three directions:
A.Into the darkness of rage and emotion that I am still in the proces of sorting out with traditional/professional therapies.
B.Wholeheartedly into the present moment because training in dangerous actions , cultivates a mind of present centerdness.
C.Into an altered state of union with both him and everything a transcendence and indivisibility that verged on the divine.
5. SELF:7 YEARS OF LIVING ART:
After being tied for a year, I knew that I needed to design my own long term project that would teach me about the possibility of art being life and life, art. Because by insuring myself that I am "in art" at all times for 7 years and that the entire universe is my studio, I have lifted the pressure to create since every minute is framed and being used creatively. Included in the receipe that I have written for these 7 years, is an invitation for 7 well known women to "guide" me, inspire me, take care of me, teach me.... so for example in year one, Joan of Arc was my guide, year two, Theresa of Avila etc. This ability to be suggestibly flexible is again a trait that has a deep-seated history in my love of invisibilty, shape-shifting and transcendence.BEYOND SELF:
We come from the invisible and return to the invisible. While alive, to experience that condition of nothingness seems an appropriate dress-rehearsal for the appearance of Sister Death's visit and invitation to leave the body.
Meanwhile, I practice as art.

Update:I continued 7 YEARS OF LIVING ART another 7 years and it was titled ANOTHER 7 YEARS OF LIVING ART. And then, after that, ANOTHER 21 YEARS OF LIVING ART

DISTANCE LEARNING PERFORMANCE ARTSince
Since 1975,I have been appearing astrally/invisibly as art so that when Linda Weintraub invited me to meet her Oberlin students and I couldn't, I proposed that I meet with them via video, trusting that my technological presence could teach as well or better than my being there physically.METHODOLOGY:
The students made a video, asking me questions/performing, sent this video to me, I watched it and answered/performed on another video, sent it to them and on and on, one more time.It could have lasted forever as a circle of creativity.VIDEO:
Distance teaching performance is one of the future strategies of academia. Here are some reasons why invisible learing is so hot:
1.Video is familiar and easy for today's students because it mimics TV, their techno friend and baby sitter.
2.Video elicits a performative response from the user and satifies the universal need for visibility and stardom, a need this generation is born with and so they get their more than 15 minutes of fame but at an early age.
3.Video temporarily eliminates authorities/judges/censors/audience and since the camera morphs into a robotic other "self", viewing and seeing the live"self", anonynimity is assured.
4.Video is cold and allows the performer to be hot/cold/intense/intimate or distant.
5.Video is a meditative facilitator, allowing the user to technologically journey/journal themselves autobiographically until their history is repeated long enough to be silenced into acceptance.CONCLUSION:
Performance art is popular, taught everywhere,commodified by the media and in need of explanation, clarification, context and historical interpretation. While the originators of the contemporary version of the genre(1960-1980) are still alive(since Sept 11,2001,this is even more applicable since travel is no longer a reliable option)and available, it would be wise to use US WELL either in person,or better yet,let us STAY HOME and we'll teach by video or phone while we wait for the 4837487 other technological versions of distance learning to appear.AN OPTIONSISTER ROSITA'S SUMMER SAINT CAMP, 1987 Come to SISTER ROSITA'S SUMMER SAINT CAMP and learn disciplines, how to look for miracles, talk in accents, wear a habiT(all yellow clothes),how to get up early, exercise into oneness, take pilgrimages to sacred places, take cold showers to prepare for next winter, eat sparingly(rice and beans every day )fast one day a week, research stories about saints and also performance artists. Some discipline you will learn are thrift, how to walk and smile simply, how to live without hot water, how to live without art, how to live without sex, how to remember to turn lights off when leaving a room, how to make a hair shirt and other penitential objects and enjoy using them to inflict penances on the self, how to live on air when hungry, how to live without the use of your refrigerator over the Christmas holidays, how to spot a martyr, and many other usefull skills.
At the successfull completion of these hardships you will receive a PERFORMANCE ART SAINT CERTIFICATE from THE ART/LIFE INSTITUTE.
TO APPLY:Send a two page bio and answer these questions:
WHY I WANT TO BE A PERFORMANCE ART SAINT AND HOW I HAVE BEEN ONE IN THE PAST.
BRING:walking shoes, sleeping bag,swimming suit,your habit(all one color clothes including everything), tape recorder and tapes.
WHERE:Exit 19 on Thruway.Broadway to Abeel.185 Abeel.
DONATION: to be arranged
SEND:A self-stamped envelope with bio,photo and /or self portrait to LINDA MARY MONTANO 9 JOHN ST SAUGERTIES NY 12477: LINDAMONTANO@HOTMAIL.COM

BLINDFOLED/WINDOW PEACE
I saw that Susan Kleckner had organized a window performance in Soho, for one year,and that women activists would use a storefront window as a place to protest. I immediately liked the form...endurance, availability, limitation. Aaah! All the things I like, and so I decided to do a week in there blindfolded, having practiced that a few times in the early 70's, and remembered what a sweet experience that had been.
The time I allowed my husband Mitchell (Payne)to guide me, take care of me, so I could practice receiving,was a way to give myself attention and yet be more allowing as half of a couple.
And then resurrecting the 3 day blindfold for a 1975 women's conference this time living in a gallery where Pauline(Oliveros) became my guide and I became a laughing, non-judgmental, accepting nymph.
Oh how happy when habituation leaves even for awhile and I had a chance to FEEL how to respond, not SEE what to do as dictated by society or my eyes or everyday worries and patterns.I knew that if I allowed myself to be publically blindfolded for a week I would have a chance to be SOFT-HEARTED.WHAT HAPPENED:
In the beginning I had fear of the porta-potty and using one in public, right in the front window, which is unusual for me to feel shy because I am usually very natural about bodily functions.I knew that people were seeing through the curtain that maybe I pulled shut, maybe I didn't becuase I was not seeing or being cvisually exacting, but after a day using a porta-potty in a NYC store window behind a shut curtain was a breeze!RESULT:
What I discovered is that memory and imagination are picture making enteties and cause as many images to surface as sight itself. Of course I knew this from years of meditation retreats but this time I had a week of no-sight to really see it and privately research in my own body the neurobiology of thinking/seeing..
I found that each word that I thought, produced a picture, an image so I never missed not-seeing because I WAS seeing my thoughts, my fears, my imaginings, my memories. I saw images of words and realized that exhaustion comes from working so hard at this whole process of seeing-thinking since there seemed to be three levels of sight and thought.
1.The actual seeing of the thing or person.
2. Discarding or accepting the sight.
3.Spending more time on analyzing or reacting to the thoughts that come from the seeing.
Exhaustion comes from having the burden of all three levels and when it is possible to by-pass level one, or sight, the mind is vacationed and what is cut outof the mix is one more need to control seen reality and after a few days I thought I WAS SEEING but in a new way, a neuro-biological marvel!
My kinesthetic memory was strong and I moved without faltering and slowly (the window was about 4' by 8' so there really was no place to move to). And because of the slowness and carefullness I could feel when someone was there and HOW I FELT ABOUT THEM. I was captive and prisoner by choice, as art and because I could not run away, I RECEIVED everything and everyone;the argumentative, the gentle and it seemed an occasion to balance realities of war and peace,good and bd, righ and wrong, evil and kind.NIGHT:I didn't see night but knew it was there and did alot of inner work on scared LITTLE LINDA; counseling and advising her, not waiting for mother and father or a prince in shining armor to come and unlock the door and get me out of there.(I was locked into the store.)VICTORIES:
Thoughts(not sights) of fire, thieves, predators of all kiinds came and I guess it was good charnel ground meditation and I did dial out by counting the numbers on the face of the phone and called a few friends for support in the nights, a victory.
I learned to cook a complicated soup, another victory(have no idea now what kind of stove it was.)
I learned how to prepare for senior citizenship and possible macular blindness, another victory.
I learned how to feel the love of friends who reached out with soup and visits,a victory.
I allowed myself to be a vehicle for the voyeurism of viewers, peeking at me from outside the window, 2 inches away from me, another vistory.
I like practicing new skills but essentially as an artist, reaching outside of the 200 year old traditions that are male invested.
I like to use art as a forum and place to practice receptivity by feigning a handicap( I was also doing this because I had been working as a caregiver and my cancer-ridden terminal client said to me one day, "This cancer isn't going to kill me, the service is!) , and I thought, I'd better practice receiving NOW before it's too late.AFTER A WEEK:
Equilibrium is off after 2 days,and after seven I have sea legs. Taking away the blindfold is like giving my brain a laser dose of light. I have wobbly legs, stumble, can't walk, nausea, feel like an escaped prisioner. Vow to come out of these things more gently and more professionally next time, like maybe with a doctor's guidance because this crazy way of throwing my body into trama via performance isnt working for me anymore.
I WILL DO ANYTHING TO EXPERIENCE THE SELF, but as I age I wonder if this vow will hold true?