Post Tagged with: "depressed"

I haven’t been having a good week last week. My rescued kitten died despite everything that I did to save him. I lost 3 kittens prior to that and I was too numb to be affected by it. But my rescued kitten, it affected me so much that it interfered with my daily life and emotion. Back in October, BamBam was missing for 15 hours from around 3 pm until 7 am the next morning when I found him. During that time, when I kept calling for BamBam, I kept hearing screaming kitten across the road, somewhere at one of the shop lots.

I ignored him because I thought it was just a lost kitten and probably his mom was around somewhere. But until 5 am, he kept screaming and screaming and it bothered me so much. When I was searching for BamBam, I found him alone and scared so I took him home to temporarily care for him. Then I found another kitten. Took both of them home. He got sick for a while but he survived. And he was a cheerful loving kitten and that is why I felt this empty void when he crossed the rainbow bridge even though I’ve only had him for a short time.

I had a good day on Friday because I got to eat good food and that’s always a good thing. That helped me to temporarily forget about the death of my kitten. But when I got home I found out TM Point cut my phone line which never happened before and it was sudden so I spent 40 mins being pissed off and yelling on the phone.

And unfortunately, I got into a minor accident on Saturday. I also had a scare in the morning where my iMac wouldn’t start again. I freaked out. I seriously don’t want to send my iMac back to the store to be repaired which might take another what, a month? 2 months? No. No way. I’m sick of that. But luckily I found a video on youtube with a trick to get it started again and it did. Phew.

It’s the 21st today. Only 10 days left of 2016. I wanna say I hope next year things will change and every year I said the same thing and it never did. In fact, things got worse. Worse than the previous year. But I keep hoping. So I don’t know anymore.

At the beginning of every year, when I make my new year’s resolution or wish, there’s one thing that I always wish – to have an awesome year ahead. Wishing for no drama and no depression. And shortly after that, I get a confirmation that my wishes never came true when shit happened.

Yesterday morning, I lost Keypoh, one of my cats. I noticed that for the past week or two, she’s been quiet and not as energetic as she used to be. I sensed something was wrong but a few days ago she was back to her original self. She’s been eating, she was cheerful, until 2 days ago when she was so quiet and barely responding to me at all. She didn’t eat nor drink. I’ve faced kitty death so much that I know well the signs of you know.. death approaching. So I was preparing myself. At least when you’re expecting it, it won’t hurt as much as something that came as a shock. At least you have time to prepare and accept what’s coming. I had 2 days to prepare for what’s coming.

Apart from that, I’ve been having major health problems since last month. And it’s not helping that yesterday I woke up with an excruciating pain in my right foot – the same kind of pain I’ve been having since December in my left foot. It’s like they’ve switched. I don’t even know what happened. So since yesterday I’ve been in SO MUCH PAIN and limping like [insert a word here].

I have other problems too that I cannot mention here. I have high tolerance for pain and sorrow and depression but try having 5-10 major problems at the same time. Tell me if you don’t end up in a mental hospital or do something stupid. So for the past couple of weeks I’ve been avoiding people. I’m alone, always alone. I tried talking to some people about my problems but nobody understands my shit, nobody would help and end up making it worse. So screw that. I’ll deal with my shit alone.

It seems that the older I get, the more shit I get into, and the more I feel like … I don’t want to mention it here so let’s just end it at that.