Thursday, October 25, 2012

Spooey's Worthless Q&A 2

A special Halloween Edition of Spooey's Worthless Q&A, where readers asks questions of a cartoon duck whose moral compass spins like a wheel flying off a '73 Mercury Comet, and who has about as much stuff in his head as that pumpkin you just carved.

Dear Spooey:

I'm trying to decide on a sexy witch costume for Halloween.

My boyfriend is really pressing for choice C, but I dunno. Can you help me choose?- Wicked in Wichita

Dear WiW:

I just want to point out that if not for the requirements of my parole I wouldn't even consider getting down in the muck with you common people and your inane questions. Frankly, nobody can really prove somebody who doesn't wear pants is a flasher, it's not possible, but the judge -- who obviously has something against ducks who like the ladies -- seemed to disagree.

I digress.

You should immediately get down on your knees and pray to whatever god the dirty rabble like yourself pray to for that man of yours. It's few women who have a man of such refined tastes.

There isn't a sickly green color or wart to be had between A and B. Can you imagine the quality of their flying monkeys? Probably a bunch of flea-covered squirrels with popsicle stick wings cruelly stapled on.

Note that "C" is the classy costume. I know this because the ol' ball and chain keeps yaking on that I don't know the difference between "classy" and "slutty." Screw you woman! You see, I know! Get off my case and let me live my own life!

I digressed again.

Have a question for Spooey that might or might not get answered, but will probably trigger some unnecessary rant? Post them in the comments! It's embarrassing when I have to text people to get questions!