Toronto — Romanian girls are flocking to
Canada in their thousands to fill the void left by exotic dancers like
Avril Lavigne and Shania Twain, who gave up promising stage careers to
work in the adult entertainment industry

Utterpants
has learned that Toronto is awash with sloe-eyed, raven-haired Romanian
cuties, some as young as eighteen, desperate to earn a few bucks by
dancing their butts off — or possibly another part of their anatomy.
The city's strip clubs and bars, which are suffering a shortage of exotic
dancers, have welcomed the
brainy babes with open arms. Approximately 17,582 Romanian women
were among a record 123,000 foreign strippers
given work permits last year to table dance in Canadian girlie bars,
immigration statistics show.

The girls are recruited in Romania where they are subjected to a rigorous
series of checks by Canadian embassy staff, Russian taxi drivers and
middle-aged US businessmen posing as gynaecologists before they are
granted visas. Most end up flashing their tits in seedy Toronto-area
clubs, but a few of the luckier ones are slipping across the border
to find more gainful employment as interns in the White House.

"Canadian girls just aren't prepared to put out like these raunchy
Romanian babes," Toronto club owner, Don Miller, told us gleefully.
"These chicks will blow you for a
couple cheetos and pair of Diesel jeans."
Bill La Branleur, a spokestypeperson for the Canadian Goverment, put
it more directly: "Romanian strippers lead the pack in obtaining
visas for Canada because they're highly intelligent, well educated,
speak French, and are not afraid of getting their hands dirty on the
job."

"You mean Canadian girls are just lazy, empty-headed bimbos who
whinge about nothing in particular all day long?" we asked.
"Have you ever been to an
Avril Lavigne concert?" he asked.
"Avril who?" we replied.