This Man Asked Everyone About the Word 'Sexy'

We asked two writers — one male, one female — a simple question: What is sexy? We didn't tell them how to answer this question or who to talk to. We just asked that they answer it, however they saw fit. PLUS: THE SAME QUESTION FROM A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE >>

Ride a bicycle on a sunny day around New York City and you'll fall in love 20 times. Yet pause to ask why that woman, yes, the one jogging by in red short shorts, nearly caused you to crash, and things get puzzling. Sure, the reason you almost rode into the Hudson is because that jogger is sexy as hell. Fine, but what does that even mean? It's something we answer everyday, without even knowing there was a question.

Take commercial director Alex Grossman, who froze in place one afternoon a few years back while waiting for the elevator in his office building. There was a woman at the candy shop in the lobby. Her back was to him. He could see her spine through her t-shirt. It wasn't a good look. More emaciated than enchanting. Yet there he stood, locked in place by a tractor beam of desire. When she finally turned around, he realized he had been staring at the bony backside of Kate Moss.

Just what was so darn sexy about her that he couldn't look away? To this day, Grossman doesn't know.

For answers I turned to an industry that traffics in sexiness, Kate's own industry – the world of professional modeling. First I spoke with a guy who might have the best job in the world. Roman Young is director of the Women's Board at Wilhelmina Models, and spends his professional life visiting modeling agencies in places like Latvia and Brazil. The agencies parade their very best talent before Young and hope he will like a girl enough to bring her back to New York.

"Sometimes the person who will catch my eye is not the best looking person in the room," he explained. "A true lack of self-consciousness, that's what I find sexy."

Young isn't looking for an over-the-top "Zoolander character." He just wants that spark of sureness, something he says is impossible to determine from a photograph alone.

Next I headed to the offices of New York Model Management, where the models also speak of the ability to stand out in a crowded room as the mark of a sexy beast.

"That's one of the things we are taught as models," said Sarah Joffs, 19. "When you walk into a casting, into a dinner, or even on the street, you want to be noticeable. You want to have that poise, that strength, that confidence."

And there it was: the C Word. Confidence. The modeling industry's most oft-repeated answer to "What is sexy?"

"Sexiness is essentially the truth," said Nick Rea, 26, a male model at NYMM. "You can't be sexy if you are trying to be somebody else. People I find sexy are not trying to be more cool than they are." To put Rea's point another way, be yourself and people will want to have sex with you.

That approach certainly works for Robyn Lawley, a charming 21-year-old Aussie model who happens to be 6'2" and with more curves than the Monaco Grand Prix.

"I'll go to a party where there are regular models," Lawley told me, "and I'm flabbergasted by how small they really are, and how huge I am by comparison. Just huge. Like triple the size. And I feel like shit because society says they are meant to be the sexy ones and not me."

Except Lawly is very much the sexy one. Just her willingness to be vulnerable and talk about how the other models stare at her when she's changing backstage, or how tragically boring so many of them are when they actually attempt conversation, makes her sexy. This woman really is herself. Confident without being arrogant. Hot as hell.

There were other "regular models" around the Wilhelmina offices during my visit, but after just 20 minutes with Lawley, those skinny things seemed plain. Maybe because I'd spent too much time at modeling agencies recently. The same thing happens when I report on Fashion Week in New York. At first the presence of so many women (often, as Lawley suggested, naked backstage) is intoxicating. But it doesn't last long. As soon as it becomes familiar, it stops being so irresistibly sexy. That's where all this confidence stuff really comes into play. Men probably don't care much about how confident a women is when they're admiring her from across the room. We're men, after all. Yet to make the attraction last, even through a single night, they need to show you that confidence. Not to mention a few other qualities laid out by David Ralph, a director at NYMM:

"Sexiness is voice. It's a way of moving. It's a curve of your body. It's lip movement. It's the way you dress. It's a gate. It's an inherent way of looking individual. It's the flutter of an eyelash. It's what you bring into a room when you walk in. It's well manicured hands. It's nice shoes. It's a beautiful watch. It's the tilt of a high-heel shoe."

Sometimes, he also says, sexiness is simply having sex. In perhaps the creepiest moment of this investigation, Ralph explained that he can literally tell the exact day a young model has lost her virginity. Her whole presence on the runway or at a photo shoot will change. The way she moves her hips and her lips will be different. She won't look like she is trying to be sexy, but rather she will be sexy.

I decided to conclude my research with a call to someone who has more sex, at least on camera, than anyone I know — adult film star Stoya. Unsurprisingly, she agreed that having sex is sexy.

"The thing most guaranteed to leave me cold," she explained, "is for a guy to say he's a virgin." As for the C Word, Stoya has little use for it. "Saying confidence is sexy is the sexual attraction version of telling a class of kindergartners that the sky is blue," she said.

Maybe Stoya is right and confidence doesn't have as much to do with it as popular wisdom suggests. Maybe what's sexy is just about having sex, or the possibility of it. For all this talk about confidence and authenticity, there is always going to be something wonderful about the way a woman crosses her legs and absentmindedly rolls her foot in small circles, or the way her neck smells when she rests her head on your shoulder.

And if you're lucky enough to be dating that woman, it's a great idea to tell her exactly what you find so sexy about her. Because that builds her confidence — which in turn makes her even more sexy. It's a vicious cycle, but one that works in your favor. Especially if you like having sex.

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