Suspicion in marriage – What did I do wrong?

“What did I do?”

Suspicion in marriage could be very dangerous. Suspicion can ruin a perfectly good marriage if you can’t tell him what it is you think he did wrong.

Are you suspecting that your spouse is having an affair? Are you wondering what to do? What you need is some suggestions to help you deal with your suspicious thoughts, be it true or false. Also alternatives to spying on your partner and prying in private matters.

How to handle suspicion in marriage and avoid unnecessary disaster

• Don’t make impulsive decisions or jump to conclusions. Statistics show that 85% of women, and 50% of men in due course discover their suspicions were right and the spouse was unfaithful, BUT you could be wrong and put your marriage in unfounded jeopardy.

• Ask and answer these questions:

Is your spouse dedicated to your relationship?

Would your partner share with you any feelings of dissatisfaction or unhappiness in the marriage?

Do you think your spouse is able to break the marriage vows?

Are these feelings of jealousy or mistrust extreme?

• Discuss any suspicions with your partner. Whatever you say, don’t accuse your partner. Use “I” interpretations, such as “I was worried when you didn’t call as you promised, when you went on the trip.” or “I was upset when I found these in your pockets, when I did the washing.”

• Stipulate what you won’t tolerate such as lying, secret meetings or emotional intimacy.

• When you confront your spouse with your suspicions, explain what is making you uncomfortable and express your love for your spouse. Indicate your anticipation that your marriage will continue but that you won’t bear sharing your spouse with another person.

• Stop prying for evidence in your partner’s email, text messages, credit card statements, etc. When you are convinced of his unfaithfulness, you will see evidence where there isn’t any.

If you’re convinced about your spouse’s betrayal, do you really see any future for the marriage?

If you can’t trust or forgive your partner, why are you still married?

Seek marriage counseling.

• Trust your intuition. If you do, confront your partner and be prepared to hear the truth.

Hope for the best but be prepared for anything else

If you can nip infidelity in the bud, your marriage has a fighting chance. However, prepare yourself financially, legally, emotionally, and mentally for the worst.

Become independent. Get your property, vehicles and home insured to prevent any unnecessary losses which you can’t afford after a divorce.

Malema’s 50% wage hike an empty promise?

Julius Malema

Malema offered a characteristically fiery manifesto for the coming elections to a packed stadium Tembisa on Saturday. Supporters called for “real freedom” for the black majority. The EFF have big plans and even bigger promises, should they win the elections and come into power.

If you promise a man or woman more money every month, you touch his pocket and his heart simultaneously. That way Malema is hoping to buy the Economic Freedom Fighters enough votes to win the 2014 South African election.

Besides repeating his demands for the confiscation of farms from white owners and the nationalization of mines, Julius Malema promised a 50% wage hike to all teachers, nurses, police officers and other public servants.

Further promises were for pensions of R2 600 a month and disability grants of R2 400 a month. A minimum wage for all sectors will be instituted and domestic workers will earn a minimum of R4 500 per month. All this will happen if the EFF becomes the leading party. Malema condemned what he called the “slave wages” of ordinary blacks. He promised to produce more place in universities and give priority to the hiring of blacks.

How will the EFF wage hike be funded?

Perhaps he doesn’t expect to win and therefor wont have to do the math to make figures in the budget balance. Perhaps he truly expects to win as he declared the funds to come from a proposed increase in taxes on the private sector, which will increase the government budget from R1 trillion to R2 trillion by 2017. Only a short 3 years from now.

Reports show that even if Malema did win, keeping these promises would be very difficult. More than 16 million people receive social grants, which is a handout of billions every year.

Besides the proposed tax increases, Malema will also make some cuts. Parliament will be moved to Pretoria which should decrease the Presidency budget by 60%. Funding for first ladies will be cancelled. This amount has risen to about R16m under President Zuma’s occupation. Over and above, Malema also called for special trials and rulings of 20 years’ imprisonment to deal with corruption cases.

Will this be enough to fund the EFF wage hike? Julius Malema believes so, unless he has more up his sleeve.

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