One of my favorite tracks ever was at snowmass, 2007, as featured in the popular cycling movie Stars and Bars. It was pretty flat, and was 3 minutes of mowed grass, taped off. It was drift city. The bummer was, in the middle there was a right turn into a creek crossing, then you pedaled uphill out of the creek bed. This was followed by a 30 second flat fire road pedal.

What? A creek crossing in a race?Yes, a creek crossing in a race. One of the stupidest features I've ever seen. There was an uphill out of this, and a speed-killing turn into it.

It made for some wonderful, close-up slow mo Clay Porter shots, though.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Disclaimer: This post is full of hate, hate, hate. I recognize that Clay Porter brings a lot to the table, and tries to communicate mountain biking to a wider audience. I also recognize that Clay's investment in visual artistry and narrative is appreciated by many people. However, I am not "many people" or "a wider audience." I am a mountain biker, and I watch mountain bike movies so that I can WATCH MOUNTAIN BIKING. I watch race videos so that I can WATCH RACING. IF I WANTED TO LOOK AT CLOUDS GO BY I WOULD WALK OUTSIDE. IF I WANTED TO WATCH BIKES IN SLOW MO I WOULD JUST GO WATCH SPORT RIDERS ON ANY MANDATORY DROP FEATURE ON A RACE COURSE.

I think we all agree by now that that Alex Rankin wins.

Everyone except for frickin Clay Porter. Here's what Clay had to say:

“As far as slow-mo goggle shots and time-lapses go, of course you can expect that kind of stuff. People that say those kind of shots are played or whatever are so fucking stupid. It is because of those kind of narrow-minded people that mountain bike racing isn't bigger right now. People are used to seeing an Alex Rankin style of shooting downhill racing. Don't get me wrong, I love that style and think Alex is an amazing filmmaker with a visual style all his own, but do you think that when Sam Hill is talking about what he was thinking moments before crossing the line at World Champs, a fast pan is the ideal shot choice? Fuck no. A slow-mo shot showing the concentration in his eyes is a much better choice. I shoot a variety of styles of shots as it allows me to tell the story I want to tell. There will be slow-mo goggle shots, fast pans, time-lapses, and everything in between in 3 Minute Gaps.”

When movies are good, the actors don't have to tell you everything they're thinking. You don't see Bobby De Niro saying "I feel worried right now," very often. You follow the story as it moves along because the narrative is non-verbally communicated. Sometimes you don't need to have everything spelled out for you, and hey, sometimes you don't even care about what's being spelled out. Sometimes you just want to see fast pans of MIND FUCKING BLOWING bike riding. Sometimes 15 minutes of slow mo bike riding and 45 minutes of interview is not what I want to see. There was more clearly filmed gnar-shredding in the 2 minute 45 second Rankin clip than there was in all of Tipping Point.

Is there a purpose for Clay Porter movies? Of course. If I want to explain racing to my grandparents, I can think of no better existing method. The only catch is that at some point you have to mention that "oh, by the way, racing is also really fun and I enjoy it. We're not always tense and grimacing and super nerve-racked like the racers in ______ Clay porter movie."

Clay, racing is fun as hell. Why so serious?

And yes, I realize that I'm being an asshole, but in the words of the great Walter Sobchak:

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I don't know why this video isn't all over the internets, but I stumbled upon this Sam Hill video while I was busy studying his bike and kit so I can copy everything he does next year. To his credit, it looks like he was going really, really, really fast.

2010 was not his year, and then at Worlds, it was.

These are the turniest, berm-gappiest trails I have ever seen. This video proves that Nico Vink shreds downhill, moto AND bmx. That means that he is winning at life, except for being Dutch.

The word "sexy" gets tossed around a lot. People often think "sexy" means generally visually appealing, but that's what it means. "Sexy" refers to things with which you want to have sex. As we all know, most people don't actually want to have sex with bicycles.

Needless to say, we at Team Robot are not most people. Robots don't play by your simple, human rules. So, without further ado, we bring you the bikes that Team Robot would most like to have sex with:

Sunday, February 13, 2011

I've been watching dumb car jump videos on youtube for a long time. Nothing makes me happier than seeing a crummy old car get sent for days off a poorly improvised Dukes of Hazzard kicker. After watching so many car jump videos, I thought I'd seen the best. I thought they were all kind of similar. I thought their wasn't much originality.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I'm proud to announce that I, your trusted Team Robot hater in chief, will be riding for Transition Bikes next year.

I'll be at the NW cup races, select Pro GRT and local events, and I may even head out to the flattest, farthest away-est National Champs ever, as well. I'm really excited to be joining up with teammates Lars Sternberg, Bryn Atkinson, and Jill Kintner, along with a few others. Being on a team with that much speed will be awesome.

But don't just listen to what I have to say, here's what real people at Transition had to say when reached for comment.

"Oh, you happened across me on a totally normal day. I'm normally up here, hanging out. I just happened to turn my head when I heard you. Otherwise I would have just stood here, looking epic all day.

Oh, yeah, having Chazz on the team is pretty cool, too."

-Sam Burkhardt, Sales and Beardiness

"Having Chazz on the team makes me excited. And I'm not a man that's easily moved to emotion. I'm at my favorite event of the year right now, but do you see a smile? Didn't think so. It gets serious when you've got a name like Lars to live up to. That's some Norse Beserker shit right there, son."

-Lars Sternberg, Team Manager

"My muscles are sick, and so is Chazz. I couldn't even bench press the amount of ass Chazz will be kicking this year out on the race course. And I'm not even sure what that means."

-Mike Metzger, General Ass Kicking

Here are some quotes from the owners of Transition, taken out of context:

"Charlie... doesn't... trust motorcycles." -Kyle Young

"...Eat the United States." -Kevin Menard

Here are some more sweet pictures of my shiny, new TR450:

My TR450 is cooler than your bike, because mine is painted the same color as a muscle car and it goes just as fast. The best part is that, unlike a muscle car, it can turn when it's going fast.

Here's to a rad year on a rad bike with a rad team and a rad company,Chazz

Sunday, February 6, 2011

In our construction quest for total world domination, TEAM ROBOT recently configured a new model to take over the world of cyclocross. CROSSBOT 3000 was designed for nothing less than the complete destruction of cyclocross races everywhere.

Unfortunately, several unplanned and unwelcome factors began to arise in Crossbot's programming.

First, Crossbot tried to convince us that we should get cross bikes, too. He kept explaining that they had way more "soul" than mountain bikes, and were more "real." When confronted with the fact that his bike could only ride in city parks and school yards, Crossbot had no response. He then repeated all previous arguments, but with more emphasis.

Cbot kept telling us that he knew "people" and was big in "the scene." He told stories of his exploits and domination in the local scene. After minimal research into race results, it was discovered that he was placing well in the Cat 3 men's 30-39 rankings. When we incidentally ran into some of the big names Cbot "dropped" on a regular basis, they did not recall Cbot. When confronted with these facts, Cbot once again repeated everything he said, but slower and with more emphasis.

Next, Cbot drained the team Robot money bag buying carbon fiber everything for his sweet ride. When asked why this was necessary, he pointed to results. When confronted again about his category, Cbot had no response.