Tag: desperate

I’ve made mistakes. Who doesn’t? I’ve said it time and again – mistakes are the first step to learning. Mistakes make people of high character. People who make mistakes and learn are of reliable virtues. They have seen life and learnt from it. I have never regretted a single mistake in my life. I have sooner or later only learnt from them. That has made me strong. I don’t boast very high of myself but whatever I do, I almost always say that I’m responsible and reliable. I let people depend upon me. I don’t mind it.

I made one such mistake in most dire of my time. So desperate was I that it felt tough to raise my eyes and face myself in the mirror. I knew it belonged to me but it just wouldn’t make me feel it. Watching damned movies at home, passing my time when nothing was in my hands. My desperation had dissolved my confidence to tears. It kept eluding me. I had done my best and yet something somewhere was wrong. I had stepped on someones tail and he was avenging it.

I tried bribing. An enemy enacting a friend got my trust and I shoved a lot of my dads hard-earned money in his hands to let me have what rightfully belonged to me – success. A month passed, 2 passed but by then I knew I stood duped. Nothing came to me. Neither the money back nor the success. I had dealt a wrong hand and had lost the bet. I got my punishment though. 2 more failures beckoned only to make the taste of success even sweeter.

What did I learn from this? I was only fighting time. It was only a test of time to test my patience, to make me see the ebb of the human character – my character. I fought time. I fought adversaries like only I could. I learnt a lot about myself. I learnt a lot about my family and friends (that I don’t have many).

How would I like to do it over? I know I can’t. All I know is life has thrown a lot worse than that at me and I’ve stood tall. I still look menacing. I’m still destructive. I’m just harder to hit. For I’ve learnt and learnt to get back up when all seems to be over. I seek positives, despise the negatives. I won’t bribe. I stand against corruption!

Yeah, yeah I’m creating a bit of mystery but what the hell… I love doing that! 😉

There are not a lot of things (non-living) that I’m proud of. But a few of them that I’m proud of – I own ’em. My speakers, my bike, my headphones and my PC. These things have power over me. I shall stay spellbound forever with their gaze locked with my eyes. Anyone who knows me in person will tell you in affirmative.

Last week was horrendous though. My PC was hit last friday and it just won’t start. I had no clue what had gotten into it. I had though, a few weeks ago, read a warning message about anyone of the fan/mother board/processor going to go kaput on me but then a few days later Windows 8 thought it better to archive the message when it saw no action taken. I just didn’t have any time or money to spend on the PC. Thankfully I got my salary a week early and I could finally get my PC cleaned up. The bugger fan had jammed of all things. 250 bucks and there you go. Not only did I learn how to clean a PC today but I also got a hands-on when I cleaned the drives myself. Aaaaah that satiated feel of a quiet PC doing all things only it can and me typing away merrily with a smile on my face letting the world know of my accomplishments and how proud I am about them.

But the best part is yet to come. I am about to make my first savings tomorrow and get my credit rolling again. I’ve envisioned this day for so long, I don’t even think I’ll sleep today. Can’t wait to get my bum to those banks and tip their stale icebergs to my side again. You can run but you can’t hide I say and so do many but it made more sense now. I ran away from them when they needed their money and they have been sweetly exacting their revenge on me for 3 years. They have run away from every opportunity to lend me money when I needed it. But not anymore. They shall bow their heads in respect, for a potential customer will come seeking – with money in hand, with head held high and they won’t have any corner to hide away.

My tottering life’s getting back up just like my PC and the world will start to bow now for I am smarter, more intelligent and have gotten rid of my wasteful ways – well most of it! Some like pizzas still remain but food – it’s my kryptonite!

There is a reason why I’m entitled to this feeling of relief because I’ve persevered long enough to know what it means to get desperate when bound. I’ve worked towards it, believing in my goal.

You know what I’ll want from that bottle in the sea. A genie condensing in thin air and saying – “Stop believing in miracles. Know that you are one”!

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen - Sir Winston Churchill