(((Hurt314)))
I found out the truth in July of this year, 28 months from day. It was the bottom for both of us. For me, devastation and starting over. For him, finally owning it and starting IC and starting the work to find out why.

You are stronger today than you were 3 years ago, you will be ok. I hope your husband truly owns this and works to be the husband you deserve.

Me-BS 52
FWH-52
M 32 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 672 | Registered: Oct 2011

HurtButHopeful?♀ 25144Member # 25144

Posted: 1:19 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013

I'm so sorry he has been TTing you. We understand that new information coming later because of TT hurts just as badly at the first DDay.

Take care of yourself and your three little girls. Focus on detaching from him and his stuff, and let him take care of it. I too read his post on Wayward, and hopefully he finally will come completely clean.

Can you do something nice for yourself and your little girls to take your mind off of things?

Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009

OldCow18♀ 39670Member # 39670

Posted: 1:24 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013

More TT and False R here as well. I have supposedly gotten full disclosure this morning. However, I don't know what full disclosure is worth from a known liar. I'm only 4.5 months in, but I see your situation and I wonder, how much more of this can I take? Another 6 monhts, another year, another THREE years? I'm so sorry, I cannot imagine feeling the way I do today again in another 3 years. My heart aches for you.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I told my WS about this today and he assured me that I now know it all. Do I? Do I? Going by everyone's experience here, I am very scared that there is more and I can't take anymore. I know how you are feeling - it's beyond devastating. Take the time you need to re-evaluate. If you are done - then you are done. If you are going to continue R, take all the time you need to heal....make him be responsible for his shit.
If you continue to give him the gift of R, he'd better damn well earn it with more than what he's done so far.
Good Luck.

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1631 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada

Jrazz♀ 31349Member # 31349

Posted: 8:05 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013

(((hurt314)))

There's two ways to end the cycle. You remove yourself, or he comes clean.

I hope he decides it's worthwhile to put EVERY LAST DETAIL down on paper.

TT kills. I'm so sorry, love. Maybe.... just maybe his being here means that he's ready to roll up his sleeves and do this. I'm rooting for you.

"It is impossible to get a man to understand something if his livelihood depends on him not understanding." - Upton Sinclair

Posts: 23911 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California

fooledbyapilot♀ 26349Member # 26349

Posted: 10:00 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013

At 2 and 3 months out....I found out he had a bat phone and secret email. She had moved away some 3000 miles but it didnt matter. There was still contact. It nearly destroyed me. I am 4 years from dday and 2 years from last contact.He his loving and everything else, still cant forgive. He destroyed, mutilated and ruined me. Im still here, but never will be the same. I believe time helps when wh helps. I am here for the kids, faking it beyond belief. Such is life.

((( hurt314 )))
Your post touched me (and I don't say that often). There is such raw pain here that I had to respond.

It does end eventually. Jrazz is correct. You can either remove yourself (and your DDs) or your WS can finally come completely clean and you guys can rebuild your marriage from the ground up.
The ball is in his court now and he has a lot of heavy lifting to do. I hope he's up to the task.

There's two ways to end the cycle. You remove yourself, or he comes clean.

Yep. Jrazz is right. I did the above and my "remorseful" WXH refused to come clean. Hence my tagline. It was my line in the sand and for me, there zero possibility of R without the truth. And all of it.

My heart truly breaks for you. I hope your WH will come through for you. He owes you the truth. It's hell on earth without it.

Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)

Posts: 13381 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell

hurt314♀ 31042Member # 31042

Posted: 12:00 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013

Oh my god. I can't do this. I feel like I'm dying. Oh my god.

I don't know how it could be this much worse but it is. Three years later. It's been so long. All my life is a lie and I can't escape and I can't get away and I can't do this. I can't do ths.

Me-W-34
Him 36.
3 little girls.
He ruined our lives. Currently married and trying to make the best life for my children. There is no hope for us but I have hope for them.

(((((Hurt314)))))
It is almost 4 years for me too.
1 year ago I heard more as well.
A one night stand turned into an affair.
Put myself back in therapy for a few months to deal with the pain.
It never gets easier. I think it actually kills a little more of the person you are.
Sorry for you.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.