Masturbation is a big topic for my clients. Whether to do or not to do? How much or how little? Then the judgement begins to creep in (more for women than men) whether they are good or bad because of regularity or irregularity? Whether to continue after they are in a relationship or not?

I really wonder where these judgements begin? When does everyone begin to masturbate? Who’s voice is telling them they are good or bad? Men start to touch them selves at an early age when they are potty trained and earlier. Women are not given the ok to touch their clitoris and vagina when they are potty trained and their stigmas (here is a wonderful article from the Huffington Post) that are attached to the wanting of self pleasuring. Imagine if women could stroke their clitoris’ every time they went to the bathroom? They’d be so much more familiar with they’re our bodies starting at a much earlier age. And not just monthly once they hit the age of menstruation and that stigma hits. Because let’s be honest when we finally got our period it wasn’t this momentous occasion that everyone made it out to be. It was just a moment in time. And some woman don’t become familiar with their body even then…

Masturbation is an amazing self soothing, self gratify and a wonderful way to know what pleases us so that we are able to express to our partner just that. Because how can they know what pleases us until we know what pleases us? Your partner knows what pleases them when they touch you but How great would it be to be able to tell them what you love so that they can take pleasure in that as well. It’s a win-win!!

When it comes to masturbation however you arrive at your climax is your way and to let go of judgement is the first step. If toys are needed then Talley-Ho!! If it is simply a hand then take time to explore… If it is toys then I happen to love a NYC based and on-line store called Babeland. But there will be another post about toys in the bedroom anon!

I’ve been a BIG fan of Dr. Laura Berman for a long time now. Some of you may know her from the OWN Network. She’s been a sex educator, researcher and therapist for more than 20 years. I receive her daily emails and thought I’d share yesterdays with you because it was quite interesting in terms of its myth versus fact on birth control.

I hope you enjoy it! It was really 1 juice fact that got me…. Can you guess which one it was???

It’s time to debunk some popular birth-control myths. Ready?

Myth #1: All birth-control pills are created equal.
There are literally hundreds of birth-control pills on the market. Though one type may have caused you unwanted side effects, such as weight gain, acne, or menstrual spotting, another may not. All pills contain estrogen and progestin, but each formula varies in the levels of hormones it contains, as well as the kind of progestin — both factors may influence how your body reacts to a particular medication. Talk to your doctor for help finding the best choice for you.

Myth #2: The tighter a condom fits my partner, the better.
A condom that is too tight runs a higher risk of tearing — especially if your partner is energetically thrusting. Of course, you don’t want a baggy condom either, which could fall off in the middle of intercourse. A condom should fit snugly, with a little extra space at the end of the condom to catch his ejaculate. (Without that extra room, this too could break the condom — ejaculate travels at an average of 28 miles per hour!)

Myth #3: If I miss one birth-control pill, I will get pregnant from unprotected sex.
If you take your pills at the same time every day and you have been on the pill for at least one full cycle, missing one day will not increase your chances of getting pregnant. Simply take two pills the following day. If you miss more than one pill, you do need to use a back-up form of birth control for the rest of that menstrual cycle.

Myth #4: The birth-control pill will affect my ability to get pregnant in the future.
Birth-control pills have no effect on future fertility. However, if you decide to go off the pill, many doctors recommend that you give your body a three-month break to allow it to normalize before trying to get pregnant.

I posted a new podcast over on my website! I talked about a very simple tool called clarifying. And it’s something that can make a HUGE difference in communication. Specifically when you’re talking to a loved one and trying to untangle the braid of confusion.

The other day I was putting away things that I had brought back to my apartment from my parents. They were moving out of they’re home after 38 years. Now what I’d you like you to know is that this is my childhood home. Now most of my things are long gone and this is such a wonderful thing that they are finally moving out of this extremely enormous converted dairy barn. But That said I still have some wistful mourning to be done.

Now the other day I was move and shoving things that I had brought back into place as best I could. Feeling feelings when I opened my eyes to see a box that I was shoving under my bed (which at the time made me so sad because under my bed is empty) and What did I see….?

Not sometimes, but all the time when we open out eyes we see exactly what we are meant to know at that exact time if you are open to it… I am constantly saying look up and look out. This is an absolute example of that! I was being told to choose another thought! This is a happy moment of change! An opportunity to not let the past define who I am! I have been asked soooooo often through out my life if I could bottle my happiness. So when I read this it was such a beautiful reminder of choosing another thought I literally started to laugh out loud all by my self in my apartment!

So Look up and look out you just might “Bottle some Happiness today”!!

I have recently become a lap swimmer and find it to be some of the most calming exercise I have ever done in my life. I can leave the pool and be more relaxed than after I have meditated. Connecting the breath with the stroke, my ears underwater somehow diffuse the craziness of the day and in turn create this delicious pod of tranquility for me.

Somehow yesterday I learned a new dimension of lap swimming that I had yet to come across since I have yet to paddle out of the beginner lane (still mending from back surgery). I wandered in during a busier time then normal hence I had to swim in a faster lane…a little anxiety producing. My question was how could I remain calm because I noticed some serious swimmers. Now when I say serious I mean in disposition not in ability. So my course of action was to talk to the lifeguard being the shy retiring wall flower that I am 😀 . I asked her How I could do my slow laps and not “drift” into anyone? She said,”Well you’re going to have to be careful of lane rage. People here get really crazy about the lane.”

Lane Rage? Really? Like Road Rage? With Swimming? Really? I didn’t understand…. It almost seems like an oxymoron to me. Like saying, a Stressful Ashram. It got me thinking how can one be going through an exercise that’s all about breath and movement and still be wound up tight as a drum? I understand that this is possibly the only moment in the day that they have to themselves… But why not enjoy it? Breathe… Share the space? figuratively and literally?

Sharing a lane is a bit like a relationship granted it is with one you don’t know per se. Yet it’s a dance. Like life we float by these people even if only for a moment and I wonder how do we want to share this space? How do we choose to be accountable to ourselves and others. How do we choose to carry energy in our body?

How do I open the conversation about sex with my partner? What if I am single for the rest of my life?….. What I want to know is what are you really wondering? To me it’s the pain point of that question. And what do you really have to gain?

What you really are saying with those questions are: My partner isn’t talking to me and I’m painfully lonely and he’s/she’s not being intimate. Again… I’m painfully lonely. Here are some more pain points; I ache to feel sensual pleasure! I’m frightened my Orgasm is gone. I’m frightened my body isn’t working anymore. I’m sure you have your own pain point. Now I’m sure you may be wondering what a pain point is. It is the point at which you reach for help it is the pain at which you can’t take it anymore. And it’s where you have to most to gain to ask for that help and strive for the goal that will help you be the best spiritual sensual human you can be.

Now what might be keeping you from that gain? Fear? What block is it? What limiting belief is keeping you from reaching that gain? What are you willing to do to remove that pain from your life?

Now I ask you What is you pain point? What is the thing or moment where you have had enough? And what are you willing to do to get rid of it?