Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)

Every now and then something free and fantastic is handed to you and takes you completely by surprise like this film. Thanks to the “12 days of Christmas” application on my iPhone which has been dolling out a free download every day since Christmas day. Yesterday’s free download was Lesbian Vampire Killers and despite being somewhat dubious I elected to watch it last night since I wasn’t exactly doing anything exciting for NYE being old and wrinkly and having small children.

What a surprise this film is, it’s a comedy gore movie at heart but all wrapped up like a late night pantomime. Thigh slappingly funny and great fun, I almost wet myself laughing. A warning though there are a handful of nipples, a splattering of green goo, a splash of choice language, over the top acting, heaps of unnecessary sound effects, oodles of nubile young lesbian women with fangs and scary voices oh yes and a penis sword. No seriously there really is a penis sword ;)

The fellowship arrive at their destination, only to find that an ancient curse rests over the village and that every female child, at their eighteenth birthday turns into a lesbian vampire. This is the result of an old legend, where the Vampire Queen, Carmilla, descended on the village, killed its menfolk and seduced its women to her evil. When the ruler of the land, Baron Wolfgang Mclaren (Jimmy’s great ancestor) returned from the Crusades, he discovered among the women corrupted by Carmilla was his wife, Eva. The baron forged a sacred sword, then faced and defeated Carmilla, but Carmilla cursed that every women would be turned on her eighteenth birthday, and that when the blood of the last of Mclaren’s bloodline mixed with a virgin girl’s blood, she would be resurrected. With that, the baron “lopped her f***ing head off!”

Once again here I am bucking the trend, waving a V sign at the critics and mooning the pollsters. Yes this film was poopooed and maligned by the majority but I love it and to me that’s all that counts. It has absolutely nothing to do with my infantile sense of humour or the fact that I may have had a jar too many last night, it was NYE after all. Peace and love to ya-all :)