The
Ritual:Preparation Tips &
Suggestions

First and Foremost The
primary liquor must be kept in the freezer. All mixers, garnishes,
glasses, etc. should be kept chilled in the refrigerator. We Americans
like some things cold, very cold. To prepare and serve a martini any other
way betrays the heritage of this uniquely American drink.

Second Top shelf
ingredients are best served in high-stemmed, "up" glasses. But this is a
free country and if someone wants their drink served "on the rocks," by
golly, chill out. Let them pursue happiness and have it any way they want.

Third These are all potent
drinks. They are like certain parts of human anatomy ­ one's enough
and three are too many, especially if they're made well. The whole idea is
to lighten up, kick back a little, slow down and enjoy the evening,
even if the company you're enjoying is your own.

FourthOpening ceremonies
are very important, and a fine cocktail depends in large part on how you
set the stage. To start, never make the drinks in private. Gather your
party wherever you plan to mix, shake and pour.

After taking drink orders, serve your
teetotalers first. Their drinks are usually the easiest and the quickest.
Make it easy not to drink. Remember, some folks shouldn't partake and
that's OK. Now assemble your ingredients and tools, and ask your guests
for a few brief moments of silence. This is a great time to crank up the
sound system and set the mood. (Harry Connick, Jr.'s music from the movie
When Harry Met Sally works for me, and I've been married over 20 years.)

If you're graceful, nonchalantly toss off a
couple quick dance steps, then consider adding a few more a bit later
when you're actually shaking the ingredients. Throughout the process,
anyone talking is similar to those rude people who can't shut up at the
movies. See which guests understand what you're about to do. Some will
have to be politely reminded that a ritual is about to begin. If there's
no way around it, some quiet whispers are acceptable.

Fifth Shaking brings out
the aroma and taste of the drink. One way to describe it is to think of
how orange juice tastes first thing in the morning when you take it out of
the refrigerator. Doesn't it taste better shaken?

We at the Classic Shaker Company are always open
to additional tips and suggestions. Please send them to:

2. Get your guest(s) together wherever you're
going to shake and pour. Ask for quiet as The Ritual is about to begin.
Turn up the music a bit. Begin to assess the prospects for the
evening.

3. Cut your lemon twists about 1/4-inch wide and
2 inches long. Don't get any pulp, just the peel. Take out your chilled
mushrooms and olives, and put them in a small dish. Pierce several with
picks.

4. Take your Classic Shaker, and add ice until
it's about two-thirds full. While you're in the freezer, get out your Gin.
Pour slightly more than a quarter of the bottle (fifth size) into your
Classic Shaker.

5. Pour a quick splash of refrigerator-chilled
Dry Vermouth into the shaker. Make sure the spout cap is screwed on (very
important). With a bar towel in one hand, hold the tap cap on (also very
important). With the other hand, hold the handle. Shake vigorously for 5
to 10 seconds. This is where a graceful dance step could be
used.

6. Place your Classic Shaker on a silver serving
tray. Step back and watch the glow turn into mist on the shaker. Savor the
moment, the music and all the possibilities that await as the evening
progresses.

7. Now finish the glasses by rubbing the lemon
twist around the rim. With the picks, put as many olives and onions in the
bottom of the glass as you and your guests like. Set the glasses on the
tray.

8. Unscrew the spout cap from your Classic Shaker. Pour into glasses with
one hand on the handle and the other lightly on the top cap with the bar
towel. Use a gentle side-to-side shaking motion. Fill the glasses about
half to three-quarters full, going back and forth several times to make
sure each glass is filled equally. You might get a second drink from this
batch.

9. Turn the music back down, and propose a short
toast. Depending on your mood ­ and having now assessed your prospects for
the evening ­ here are two options:

"Do you love me, or do you not? I think you told
me once. Please tell me ___. I've forgot."

"Here's to a clear conscience!
... Or a poor memory!"

"Here's to all our friends! We
know you well and like you just the same."

"Here's to my ____! Who thinks
that all I think about is ____,____, and ___! Little does (she/he) know,
there's a second thought too: When do we eat!"

"Here's to woman's faults...
There are very many!
Here's to man's faults... They have only two:
Everything they say and everything they do!"

Here's to me...! I tip-toed in
last night with my shoes in my hands
Thinking how courteously quiet I should be...
When in the dark night, What do I see? But a few steps in front of me
My wife/husband doing the same damned thing!

"I have known many, Liked just a few, Loved just
one (pause) ____ here's to you!"

(For those of you not used to performing this
ritual, the entire process should take less than five minutes. If you get
your ingredients together beforehand, which any martini lover takes
care of as they would any of life's necessities, the ritual takes
just a few moments.)