a lover for jpop and struggle through live for a meaning

Something Bad Happen…

I just found out today from my dad that he has a some sort
Pankreas cancer/tumor….
It breaks my heart the moment i heard he said the word “some sort of cancer like”…
Its been months since he started being sick..
and all the doctors he went to said he was just having a light sick {damn all the doctors!}

And i basically just stop crying now since he told us at noon…
and feeling a bit sleepy..

I made a promise to myself about 5 years ago after my mum passed away…that if something fatal happens to my dad and [please god don’t make this true>] and he follow my mum…i will find a way to be with them…yes, you know what i mean…KILL MYSELF…

I know when my mum passed away..up until today, i still cannot take the fact that she’s not here…and i know im just gonna go crazy and NOT be myself anymore if something happen to my dad…so rather than giving my sister [the only one who is sane enough to find a job in my siblings].[.the eldest son is a pain in the ass…and thinks he’s a millionair and sleep all day..so f… him…i don’t care anymore…] a big headache and problem [which is me -__-].. i rather die and let her live in peace…
So please god…
Don’t take the only parent i have right now…
I don’t want relatives take care of us siblings…
Truthfully..i love them…but i don’t trust them with life [i don’t trust people easily…]

Let my dad live long..
let him ACTUALLY see his grandchildren..
my/big sister childrens [I don’t actually have any children..but genericly speaking if i get married by 25-26..im 18 now..] ..Let him live LONG enough to be a great granddad.. and see how he raised GREAT wonderful daughters and be proud of us…!!

i do not fully know the condition of your Dad, but in my knowledge, due to similar experiences, pancreatic tumors are not entirely cancerous and highly treatable if detected early. Just as long as the patient change to a more healthy lifestyle, like stop smoking and eat more healthy food and such….
again, all my prayers to you. ^_^

LOL..its hard for my dad to stop smoking..
he’s been smoking for more than 2 decades now -___-
but me and my sister is changing his eating lifestyle to a more healthier one..
and the pancreas tumor is still early..but the doctor need a couple of weeks to see if the new lifestyle he’s in is doin’ him good or not..

im glad that i’ve *chatted* to a more experienced individual..this really helps me…