Part I: Spiritual Seekers and Spiritual Teachers

2 The Traditional Meaning of a Spiritual Teacher

Titles, particularly those in foreign languages, often mystify Western people. They frequently
conjure romantic images that are inappropriate. This especially happens with the various titles for
spiritual teachers, such as – in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition – guru, lama, tulku, Rinpoche,
Geshe, and kenpo. These titles are baffling enough when applied to traditional Asian teachers. They
become even more puzzling when converted Westerners go by them.

Classical Chinese philosophy teaches that difficulties often come because of confusion about
terms. This insight aptly applies to issues of translation. Imprecise translation terms often give
people wrong ideas, especially when the two languages involved are from widely divergent cultures.
If terms actually convey their intended meanings, then people trying to embody the principles
represented by the words can endeavor to act in the intended ways. Confucius therefore called for a
"rectification of terms." If people know how a ruler and a subject, or a parent and a child, need
to act and what is the proper relationship between the two, they can try to follow that model.
Success in their efforts will bring harmony to society. On the other hand, if social roles become
confused and people do not follow proper guidelines, chaos and disaster will easily follow. We may
extend this principle to a spiritual teacher and a spiritual seeker. If we are sloppy with our use
of terms and let anyone call him or herself a guru or a disciple, we open the door to unfortunate
relationships.

We need standards. Just as consumer groups keep vigilant watch on the quality of products, we
need a similar approach regarding spiritual teachers. The hierarchic structure of Tibetan Buddhism
differs greatly from that of an organized Church. Neither the Dalai Lama nor the heads of the four
traditions have the authority to dictate who are qualified teachers or to declare people
incompetent. Moreover, nowadays, because of possible lawsuits in the West, we cannot expect either
individuals or boards of authority to take responsibility for guaranteeing other people's ethical
conduct.

In his book,
Personal Instructions from My Totally Excellent Teacher, the outspoken Nyingma master
Peltrul indicated the only reasonable approach: spiritual seekers need to take responsibility
themselves. Charlatans and scoundrels may present themselves as great teachers. They may even have
professionals launch effective advertising campaigns for their books and lecture tours.
Nevertheless, it is up to the public to choose whether or not to become their followers. If we know
the standards, we will not let imitations fool us. We will only be satisfied with authentic
masters.

To gain insight into the subtle connotations of Buddhist technical terms, we need to look to the
etymology of each of their syllables. In the case of Sanskrit, each syllable and sometimes even
each letter of a word may imply other terms that contain that syllable or letter. In the case of
Tibetan, each syllable of a word may either constitute a word on its own or be a syllable in
another term. The explanatory tantra,
A Vajra Garland, for example, indicated the most advanced steps of the tantra path encoded
in this manner in the first forty Sanskrit syllables of
The Guhyasamaja (Assembly of Hidden Factors) Tantra. Therefore, as a first step toward
implementing a rectification of terms, let us apply this traditional Buddhist analytical tool to
the various Sanskrit and Tibetan words for a spiritual teacher.

The most well-known Sanskrit term for a spiritual teacher is
guru. Although in several Western countries, the word
guru negatively connotes the head of a cult, the term literally means someone weighty or
heavy. This does not mean that gurus are necessarily fat, although many are in fact overweight. Nor
does it mean that gurus provide oppressively serious company. Most Buddhist teachers, especially
Tibetan ones, have great senses of humor. His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama, for example,
laughs and jokes whenever something strikes him funny, even when teaching the most profound
subjects. The connotation, instead, as the founder of the Sakya Tsar tradition, Tsarchen, explained
in
A Commentary on [Ashvaghosha's] "Fifty Stanzas [on the Guru]", is that gurus are weighty
with qualifications.
Gu is short for
guna, good qualities, and
ru stands for
ruchi, a collection.

Moreover, gurus are weighty in the sense of having a substantial presence. Anyone in the room
with a true guru, if at all sensitive, can feel that the person's outstanding qualities far
surmount those of anyone else. As
gu also stands for
guhya, hidden, and
ru for
rupa, body, the full scope of qualities that gurus embody far exceeds imagination. Thus,
gurus are sublime beings, since
u stands for
uttara, meaning supreme.

The Tibetans translated
guru as
lama (bla-ma).
La means unsurpassable or sublime, while
ma means mother. Lamas resemble mothers in that they have given birth internally to what
is sublime. In other words, lamas are people who are extraordinarily advanced in spiritual
development. Moreover, lamas help others to give birth to their own achievements of similar states.
The word
lama, however, connotes far more.

As that which is unsurpassed,
la refers to
bodhichitta – a heart fully focused on enlightenment and totally dedicated to achieving it
to benefit others. It derives from love and compassion. Enlightenment is the highest level of
spiritual self-development possible, reached with the elimination of every negative trait and with
the realization of every positive quality. Its actualization is equivalent to Buddhahood and brings
the ability to help others as fully as is possible.
Ma connotes wisdom, which is the mother of all spiritual attainments. Lamas, then, combine
totally dedicated hearts with wisdom and are able to lead others to similar achievements. In
possessing these outstanding features, lamas are weighty with good qualities.

As gurus, lamas are also substantial persons whose presence impresses, uplifts, and inspires
others. Another usage of
la connotes this ability and reveals deeper levels of its significance.

The early Tibetans used
la in a sense similar to the Old Turkic word
qut. According to the beliefs of the Old Turkic people of Central Asia, qut is a cosmic
force linking the earth with the infinite sky. A holy mountain in Mongolia serves as its anchor.
Whoever rules this mountain embodies its qut. Consequently, the person gains the power and charisma
to unify the Turkic tribes and to become the Great Khan (the grand ruler). Thus, as an integrative
force, qut empowers greatness and majesty. It allows a ruler to bring his often-warring people
together and to organize them into a powerful nation.

The concept of qut, as
la, came into the Tibetan cultural sphere via Central Asian astrology. In this context,
la is the life-spirit force within each person that empowers or enables the individual to
organize and to keep together his or her affairs. Astrological calculations can indicate the
strength of this force during particular periods. When people's life-spirit force is strong, they
become as stable as a mountain. When it is weak or stolen by harmful forces, they lose the ability
to function normally.

Another dimension of
la derives from its usage in the
Kalachakra (cycles of time) teachings. There it appears as part of the subtle
energy-system of the body. Among the components of this system is a life-spirit drop. This subtle
creative drop or spark of energy (tigley,
thig-le; Skt.
bindu), also called
bodhichitta in Sanskrit, passes to different spots in the body each day during a monthlong
cycle. Life-spirit energy gathers around it, rendering the spot in which the drop is located the
most potent point in the body that day for medical treatment with acupuncture or cauterization.

The early Tibetans translated
bodhichitta here as
la, undoubtedly because of the similarity between the life-spirit drop in Indian
physiology and the life-spirit force in Central Asian astrology. A further rationale for this
choice was perhaps that bodhichitta, in its meaning as a totally dedicated heart, reigns as the
unsurpassed method for attaining enlightenment. Since
la also means unsurpassable, it can serve as a synonym for bodhichitta according to the
principles of Sanskrit and Tibetan poetics.

Putting together the various meanings of
la gives a fuller picture of some of the outstanding qualities that lamas possess and can
lead others to attain. Lamas have the force to tame their wild behavior and disturbing emotions so
that they become as stable and substantial as mountains. With this force, lamas can organize their
lives to benefit all. This life-spirit force is a dedicated heart of bodhichitta, which grants
lamas the charismatic power to affect the most beneficial and healing changes in others. Further,
by the force of their spiritual development, lamas possess the power to tame wild disciples and to
help them to organize their lives most meaningfully. This power derives from heartfelt love and
compassion. These aspects of
la constitute the "method" side of a lama's attainment.

Ma, as mother, refers to the wisdom embodied in
The Prajnaparamita Sutras, the scriptural texts in which Buddha taught far-reaching
discriminating awareness (sherab,
shes-rab; Skt.
prajna), the "perfection of wisdom." These texts and their contents are often called the
"mother of all Buddhas," since mastery of them gives birth to enlightenment. Lamas are those with
mastery of the scriptures and their contents. They combine their wisdom with all aspects of method.
Like good mothers, lamas nurture disciples and raise them to be mature spiritual adults.

The original meaning of the term
lama, then, is a highly advanced spiritual teacher. Such persons are fully capable of
guiding disciples along the entire Buddhist path, all the way to enlightenment, by virtue of the
qualities implied by the connotations of guru,
la, and
ma. The classical textual presentation of how to relate to a spiritual teacher refers to
the optimal relationship with such a person. To rectify problems in student-teacher relationships,
spiritual teachers need to live up to this meaning of the titles
guru and
lama.

Tibetan Buddhism developed four major traditions – Nyingma, Kagyu, Sakya, and Gelug – and spread
beyond Tibet to the other Himalayan regions, Mongolia, much of northern China, Manchuria, parts of
Siberia, and several other Central Asian cultures. Because of this diversity, the word
lama gradually acquired other meanings. One source of confusion about so-called
guru-devotion comes from thinking that the practice applies to lamas in different senses of the
word. A survey of the other types of lamas may help with the rectification of terms.

Many serious practitioners of the Kagyu and Nyingma traditions enter a three-year meditation
retreat. During this period, they train in the major Buddha-figure (yidam,
yi-dam) systems of their lineage. Spending several weeks or months on each tantra system,
they master its rituals and familiarize themselves with its meditation practice. The heads of some
subdivisions of these lineages have recently started the custom of granting
lama as a title to the most proficient graduates of a retreat. In the Gelug tradition,
monks who successfully complete rigorous training at one of the tantric monastic colleges near
Lhasa are called
tantric lamas (lama gyupa,
bla-ma rgyud-pa). Such monks, however, do not use
lama as a title, nor do people address them as "lama."

In both these cases,
lama signifies a ritual master. Although such lamas have trained in meditation, they have
not necessarily achieved any spiritual attainments. Nor are they necessarily qualified to lead
others through the Buddhist path. Nevertheless, they can perform the rituals correctly and can
instruct others to do the same. Among the Tibetans, such lamas serve somewhat like village priests.
They travel from village to village and perform rituals for people in their homes. These rituals
help to bring prosperity, health, and good fortune to the families, and help to remove any
obstacles to success.

Whether lamas are highly realized spiritual teachers or simply ritual masters, they may be
monks, nuns, or laypeople. In Ladakh, however, and among most Mongol groups during the precommunist
era,
lama became a synonym for a monk. This resembles the Indian custom of calling Buddhist
monks by the honorific
guru-ji. Irrespective of a monk's level of scriptural education, ritual training, or
spiritual attainment, he is still a lama in this sense of the word.

During the communist period in the Soviet Union and in the Mongolian People's Republic, the
authorities forced the Buddhist monks to disrobe and to break their vows. There had never been any
nuns. For propaganda purposes, however, Stalin eventually allowed a few monasteries to reopen and a
few former monks to perform rituals there. These people were usually laymen who wore robes during
the day like uniforms at work and shed them at night when they returned home to their wives and
children. They were also called lamas. Even now in the postcommunist era, such people still bear
the namelama. Often they counsel others by relying on astrological or divinatory means.

People who are lamas by virtue simply of being ritual masters, monks, or lay performers of
monastic rituals command respect. Even if their levels of spiritual development are not
particularly advanced, their training, their vows, or the services they provide makes them worthy
of esteem. Nevertheless, those who are lamas in merely one of these honorific senses are not the
persons to whom the classical disciple-mentor relationship refers.

Another common use of the word
lama is in reference to reincarnate lamas, tulkus. Although tulkus are the reincarnations
of highly advanced tantric practitioners, such practitioners need not necessarily have been great
spiritual teachers, nor monks or nuns. They may have been lay meditators, for instance, who lived
alone as hermits in caves. To start a line of tulkus requires usually only four conditions: (1)
foreknowledge that recognition of one's future incarnations will be beneficial to others, (2)
well-developed bodhichitta as the motivation, (3) sincere prayers to take rebirth in a form,
beneficial to others, which will be recognized as a tulku, and (4) a certain degree of mastery of
the first stage of the highest class of tantra.

Here and elsewhere in the book, we shall use the term
highest tantra to refer both to
anuttarayoga in the Gelug, Kagyu, and Sakya systems and to the unit formed by
mahayoga,
anuyoga, and
atiyoga (dzogchen,
rdzogs-chen; the great completeness) in the Nyingma tradition. On the first level of
highest tantra, the generation stage, practitioners generate vivid visualizations to simulate the
process of death, the in-between state (bardo,
bar-do), and rebirth.

Followers of great teachers who have reached some level of attainment on the generation stage,
and who have thus performed the prescribed meditations at death, first consult a distinguished
Tibetan master famous for extrasensory perception. In the case of highly advanced tantric
practitioners who were not noted as teachers, Tibetan masters may make investigations without being
requested. Through various means of divination, including dream analysis, the master determines
whether or not the person in question has intended to start a line of tulkus. If so, the master
further determines if finding the present incarnation will have special benefit.

The devotion of a teacher's followers and their enthusiasm for finding the reincarnation of
their mentor are not sufficient reasons for commissioning a search. Some of the most famous lamas,
such as Tsongkhapa, did not start a line of tulkus. Further, some lamas, such as several successive
incarnations of Shamar Rinpoche within the Karma Kagyu tradition, were not recognized during their
lifetimes due to political reasons.

Once a great master has sanctioned a search for a tulku and, through further divination, given
some indication of the identity of the child and where to look, the followers of the teacher in
question, or a group commissioned by the sanctioning master, begin their quest. After locating two
or three promising candidates of the appropriate age, they consult once more the master who
directed the search. Based on indications that the children may have given of their identities,
such as recognition of persons and possessions from the previous lifetime, and further divination,
the master makes the final choice.

Young tulkus usually leave their families of birth shortly after recognition and, if their
predecessors were monks or nuns and noted teachers, they grow up in the predecessors' private
monastic homes (labrang,
bla-brang). If the predecessors were not monastics or if, as monastics, were not noted
teachers and thus did not have private homes, the children still enter monastic institutions and
their families or patrons sponsor the construction of houses for them. To celebrate their return,
the predecessors' monastic estates or the young tulkus' families or patrons make large donations to
the reincarnates' affiliated monastic institutions and extensive offerings to their monks and nuns
The children inherit all former possessions and receive special education and training.

The tulku system has not been foolproof. Occasionally, even the greatest masters have admitted
that they might have made mistakes in their recognition. Moreover, corruption sometimes has
blemished the system when masters have acceded to political pressure or bribery to recognize
certain candidates. Monastic institutions with famous teachers who attracted large donations
sometimes have even declared and recognized new lines of tulkus because of their wish to continue
receiving contributions.

Over a thousand lines of tulkus have been reincarnating among Tibetans, Mongols, Bhutanese, and
the various Indian Himalayan people. In recent decades, several dozen have taken rebirth as
Westerners or Chinese. People generally address reincarnate lamas with the honorific title
Rinpoche (rin-po-che), which means Precious One. Not all Rinpoches, however, are tulkus. Current and
retired abbots and abbesses also receive the title. Moreover, as signs of respect, many disciples
call their spiritual mentors "Rinpoche," even if the teachers are neither tulkus nor abbots or
abbesses.

The word
tulku means a network of emanations (Skt.
nirmanakaya, emanation body). Not only do fully enlightened Buddhas generate and appear as
an array of emanations, so do advanced practitioners of the highest class of tantra. The array they
generate is called a network of pathway-level emanations. The founders of lines of tulkus, then,
may have achieved any level of spiritual attainment ranging from part of the generation stage to
Buddhahood. Thus, they do not even need to have attained straightforward nonconceptual perception
of reality (voidness, emptiness, the absence of impossible ways of existing). In short, only a tiny
fraction of the founders of tulku lines comprises enlightened beings.

For this reason, the majority of tulkus still have negative karmic potentials in addition to a
vast network of positive instincts (collection of merit). Depending on the circumstances of their
upbringing and the societies in which they live, different potentials come to the fore and ripen in
each lifetime. Thus, some tulkus may act in completely unenlightened ways. Nevertheless, by the
force of the death-juncture meditation and prayers of the founders of their lines, their next
incarnations may still be as Rinpoches, located and recognized by the masters who have determined
that to do so would have special benefit. This may occur even if the tulkus in question failed to
perform death-juncture meditation when they died.

A complex social system arose in Tibeto-Mongolian cultural regions surrounding the institution
of tulkus. The reincarnate lamas became somewhat like local feudal lords and owned vast tracts of
land around their monasteries and nunneries. Many peasants worked these lands, giving part of the
produce to support the Rinpoches' households and the monastics under their guidance.

Despite inevitable abuses of the system, most people regarded this arrangement as a way to
create positive potential (merit) for themselves and their families. The tulkus provided spiritual
and social leadership. They served as the embodiments of regional identities and the focal points
around which to consolidate and express regional or tribal loyalties. People had enormous faith and
treated their local tulkus reverentially with highly elaborate protocol. To outsiders, it appeared
almost as if they worshipped their lamas. Perhaps some did, since many considered their Rinpoches
as having supernatural powers.

To differentiate this form of Buddhism from traditional Chinese Buddhist schools, the
late-seventeenth-century Manchu rulers of China coined the word
lamajiao (Lamaism). They called the Chinese forms of Buddhism simply
fojiao (Buddhism). Making this distinction was undoubtedly part of their policy to try to
gain the political allegiance of the Tibetans and Mongols in their empire. They did this by trying
to impress on the two ethnic groups their fellowship with the Manchu people established by virtue
of a common religion, distinct from that of the Han Chinese. Many early Western scholars adopted
this custom and perpetuated the artificial distinction.

Further, the Manchus forced certain lines of tulkus to serve in the imperial government as local
administrators and tax collectors. To exploit even more the people's reverence and obedience to the
politically useful lamas, the Manchus called all tulkus
hefo in Chinese, meaning "living Buddhas." Some Western scholars and journalists still
follow this convention, creating even more confusion about lamas.

In short, as His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama stressed at the 1988 conference of tulkus in
exile, just because tulkus bear famous names does not mean that they qualify now as spiritual
mentors. It merely signifies that they are the reincarnations of great spiritual masters and have
been born with enormous amounts of positive potential. Tulkus need to prove themselves as mentors
now, through their attainments in this lifetime.

Because of inherited potentials, reincarnate lamas naturally command respect. Nevertheless,
circumstances may not allow full activation of those potentials or may not be conducive for their
optimal use. For example, because a Rinpoche may still be a child, the potentials may enable the
boy or girl merely to advance quickly. Occasionally, excessive reverence shown by followers may act
as the circumstance merely for success in power politics or empire building. In some cases,
inordinate deference, lavish gifts, and high expectations may even spoil young Rinpoches or
activate negative potentials for them to rebel when older. Differentiating the term
reincarnate lama from
lama – either in its meaning as a spiritual mentor or as a living Buddha – can help
prevent disappointment.

Over the centuries, Tibetan spiritual leaders recognized several of the most politically
influential tulkus as emanations of Buddha-figures. The Dalai Lamas and Karmapas, for example, were
emanations of Avalokiteshvara; the Sakya heads were Manjushri; and the Panchen Lamas and Shamar
Rinpoches, Amitabha. The custom extended beyond religious figures to include the early Tibetan
kings as Avalokiteshvara; Confucius and the Manchu emperors of China as Manjushri; Chingghis Khan
and his descendents as Vajrapani; the czars of Russia as Tara; and Queen Victoria as Pelden
Lhamo.

Political considerations may have influenced this development. Avalokiteshvara, Manjushri, and
Vajrapani are the Buddha-figures whom Tibetan Buddhists regard as holding the responsibility to
safeguard the welfare respectively of Tibet, China, and Mongolia. Therefore, according to the
Tibetan way of thinking, the legitimate rulers of each of these lands must be emanations of its
guardian Buddha-figure. This accounts for the identities of the early Tibetan kings, the Dalai
Lamas, the Manchu emperors of China, and the Mongol Khans. The name
Manchu, in fact, according to some scholars, derives from Manjushri.

The custom of identifying politically influential lamas with Buddha-figures began as early as
the thirteenth century, when the second Karmapa, as Avalokiteshvara, was a candidate for becoming
the ruler of Tibet. Kublai Khan, however, the first Mongol emperor of China, awarded this role to
the Sakya heads. As Manjushri, the Sakya heads helped to unify the Mongol Empire by serving as the
spiritual heads for Chinese Buddhists as well as for the Tibetans and Mongols.

Avalokiteshvara belongs to the Buddha-family of Amitabha. Thus, the lines of Panchen Lamas and
Shamar Rinpoches were emanations of Amitabha, because their founding figures were the mentors
respectively of the Dalai Lama and Karmapa of their times. Further, Tara and Pelden Lhamo are the
traditional helper and protector associated with Avalokiteshvara. Thus, when the Thirteenth Dalai
Lama sought Russian and British protection against the Chinese at the start of the twentieth
century, he addressed the rulers of these lands with the honorific names of these Buddhist figures
and thereby indirectly indicated their natural roles.

For Tibetans, the Dalai Lama
is Avalokiteshvara. He safeguards their country and its religion and culture. The Dalai
Lama, then, not only embodies the Buddha-figure representing compassion; he embodies Tibet and
Tibetan Buddhism. As such, he serves as the symbol of hope for all Tibetans to preserve their
nation and way of life during the difficult times of Chinese military occupation. Although Western
authors and journalists ascribe the name "god-king" to the Dalai Lama, he is not a god in any
Western sense of the word.

Tibetan spiritual mentors often possess mischievous senses of humor. As a playful way of showing
warm regard, they sometimes call their Western disciples "Lama," "Rinpoche," or even
"Dharma-Protector." Occasionally, some of these Westerners do not understand the Tibetan sense of
humor and publicize that they have been officially recognized. Since most Tibetans are too polite
to give public disclaimers, confusion and even abuse of power have occasionally arisen from what
began as an innocent joke. Analogously, some Western parents might affectionately call their
children "real devils." For such a child, later in life, to assume the title
Devil would be clearly absurd.

The word commonly translated as
guru in the expression
guru-devotion is actually neither guru nor lama. Instead, it is
kalyana-mitra in Sanskrit and
geway-shenyen (dge-ba'i bshes-gnyen) in Tibetan, abbreviated as
Geshe (dge-bshes). The term appears in this expression exclusively within the context of the
Mahayana (vast vehicle) teachings for attaining enlightenment, and translators usually
render it in either language as
spiritual friend. Let us look closer at the implications of the original terms to help
avoid any misunderstanding.

Many translators use
virtuous as the English equivalent for
kalyana or
gewa, the component for
spiritual in this expression. A "virtuous friend," a "friend of virtue," and a "friend who
leads others to virtue," however, all carry the subtle flavor in English of someone prim, stiff,
and self-righteous.
Constructive might perhaps be a more appropriate translation. In Buddhism, constructive
behavior is to act, speak, and think in ways that build habits which, in the long term, lead to
personal happiness. Spiritual friends, then, are constructive friends, friends of what is
constructive, and friends who lead others to constructive behavior.

To grasp the deeper implications of being a spiritual friend requires understanding the Buddhist
concept of constructive behavior. The Tibetan schools base their ethical systems on two Indian
works,
A Treasure-House of Special Topics of Knowledge by Vasubandhu and
An Anthology of Special Topics of Knowledge by his brother Asanga. The combination of
their explanations provides a fuller picture.

Constructive actions are those that are motivated by constructive states of mind. Such mental
states consist of complexes of positive attitudes and qualities. They contain confidence in the
benefits of being positive and a sense of values from respecting positive qualities and persons
possessing them. Discriminating awareness that destructive behavior leads to unhappiness, a sense
of scruples that allows restraint from brazenly negative behavior, and a sense of fitness to be
able to refrain from such action also accompany them. Moreover, constructive states of mind come
from having a sense of self-pride and concern for not disgracing one's spiritual teachers, family,
or nation by acting destructively. An absence of certain negative components also characterizes
constructive mental states. They lack greed, attachment, hostility, naivety, and other disturbing
mental factors such as flightiness, dullness, recklessness, and laziness.

In short, constructive mental states have strong conviction of ethical principles and have the
ability to follow them. Such conviction and ability naturally bring restraint from destructive
behavior. As spiritual friends, spiritual mentors are teachers with constructive states of mind,
which lead to constructive manners of acting, speaking, and thinking. Moreover, they are able to
inspire and teach disciples to think and behave similarly.

The term
constructive also refers to the ultimate spiritual attainments – liberation from the
recurring problems of uncontrollable rebirth (Skt.
samsara) and, beyond that, enlightenment as a Buddha. The attainment of either of these
states is ultimately constructive. However, since
kalyana-mitra here is a Mahayana term, the constructive state to which spiritual friends
lead disciples is specifically enlightenment.

The second component of the term
spiritual friend,
mitra in Sanskrit, is the common word for
friend. As the root of the word
maitri, meaning love, its connotation derives from the Buddhist definition of love. Love
is the wish for others to be happy and to have the causes for happiness. As a selfless wish, it
does not imply clinging attachment to the people one loves or desire for anything in return, not
even reciprocal love, affection, or appreciation. Nor does it imply needing the objects of one's
love for emotional security or a sense of self-worth. A friend, then, is someone with a purely
altruistic attitude, not someone who, for neurotic reasons, compulsively tries to please others or
to make them happy.

The Buddhist tradition further defines a friend as someone in whose presence, or in thinking of
whom, one would feel ashamed to act, to speak, or to think destructively. In this sense, a true
friend is actually a spiritual friend, someone who helps others to be constructive. Constructive
behavior, after all, is the cause of happiness, which is the primary wish a friend holds for
someone. In contrast, a misleading friend draws others away from constructive behavior and causes
them either to waste their time or to act, speak, or think destructively. Such behavior leads to
the experience of suffering and unhappiness, the opposite result of that wished for by love.

Shenyen, the Tibetan translation here for
mitra, means literally relative-friend. In many Asian cultures, people address elders in a
friendly manner by calling them "uncle" or "aunt." Those equal in age, they call "brother" or
"sister," and they address any child as "son" or "daughter." Thus, a friend automatically becomes
part of one's family. This carries only a positive connotation, namely that the person joins the
ranks of those with whom one has a close, loving, and harmonious relationship.

Most Asians live in large extended families, with several generations residing their entire
lives under a single roof. Often, a wall surrounds the home to protect the family from harm. Being
with family and relative-friends implies feeling safe, physically and emotionally, with confident
trust of never being attacked, abused, or led astray. Similarly, spiritual mentors and disciples
form spiritual families and feel totally at home with each another. Moreover, being a member of a
traditional Asian family, much like being a member of a traditional Mediterranean one, nurtures and
supports one's life-spirit force. Being a member of a mentor's spiritual family functions
similarly. It gives the strength to organize and maintain a vigorous and healthy spiritual
life.

Although spiritual mentors may be older, younger, or the same age as their disciples, the
teachers are always the spiritual elders. The common Tibetan word for teacher,
gegen (dge-rgan), often used in its abbreviated form
gen (rgan) as a familiar term of address, in fact means a spiritual elder. Again,
spiritual here is a loose translation of the word for constructive. As spiritual elders,
mentors command the greater deference, although of course both sides deeply respect each other.
Disciples respect the teachers' realized qualities, while teachers respect the disciples'
potentials.

Spiritual friendship, then, in the strict sense of the Buddhist technical term, does not imply
that the two people involved are equal like two buddies would be. In a Western friendship, both
parties are called friends, whereas here only the spiritual mentor is called the spiritual friend.
Although fellow Dharma students or fellow disciples may be spiritual friends in the Western sense
of friends, they are not each other's spiritual mentors or guides. Even if being with one another
leads both of them to think and to act constructively, fellow students cannot lead each other to
enlightenment as Buddhas. At best, they may accompany one another.

The closest Western analogy to a spiritual friend in the Buddhist sense is perhaps a platonic
friend in its classical meaning. A platonic friend, as a more mature and experienced person, is a
teacher and mentor with whom a relationship uplifts and leads a younger person to the highest level
of spiritual ideal. A lack of romance, sex, and base emotion characterize the loving relation
between the two. Unlike ancient Greek thought, however, Buddhism does not conceive of the
relationship in the context of spiritualized, ideal beauty, goodness, and truth. Instead, it
formulates the relationship in terms of familial closeness and aims it at the attainment of
enlightenment.

Geshe, the abbreviated form of the Tibetan term for a spiritual friend, originally was a
title used in the Kadam tradition for great spiritual teachers. Simplicity, humility, and hidden
greatness characterized the Kadampa Geshes. Especially noted for their teachings on
lojong (blo-sbyong), cleansing of attitudes (mental training), they embodied everything that they
taught.

The Gelug tradition reunited the fragmented Kadam lineages, reformed corruptions, and continued
as its successor. Subsequently, the Fifth Dalai Lama borrowed the title
Geshe and used it to replace previous titles for the degree granted at the successful
conclusion of the Gelug monastic education system. Currently, the term retains that usage. So far,
only monks have received this degree, although in exile nuns and laypeople have begun to study for
it.

Becoming a Geshe requires memorizing texts, studying them for more than twenty years with logic
and debate, and passing several levels of intensive examinations. It does not require incorporating
the meaning of the texts into one's self-development, nor does it imply experience and proficiency
in meditation. The title
Geshe, then, resembles a Ph.D. Like its Western counterpart, it does not guarantee the
teaching skills or character of its holder. Many Geshes, of course, possess those skills and are
spiritually realized. Their titles, however, merely indicate scholarly expertise.

The same pertains to the title
Kenpo (mkhan-po), meaning a learned one. Equivalent to a Geshe degree, Kagyu and Nyingma
monasteries grant it to successful graduates of their education systems. Those who complete Sakya
monastic education also receive a Geshe degree. They normally use Geshe as a title, however, only
when they travel outside the monasteries to teach. Within the monasteries, monks usually call them
"kenpo."
Kenpo also means an abbot of a monastery. All Tibetan traditions call abbots "Ken
Rinpoche."

If a Geshe or kenpo has qualifications merely like those of a professor, the person certainly
commands respect for his knowledge and learning. As in the case of lamas and Rinpoches, however,
Geshes and kenpos are not necessarily spiritual mentors capable of leading disciples to
enlightenment. Only those who live up to the original meaning and implication of their titles have
that skill.

For spiritual teachers to be and to act as spiritual mentors, they need to be weighty with
positive qualities and need to combine compassion and bodhichitta with a deep understanding of
reality. Moreover, they need to have the power to uplift and to inspire disciples to achieve the
same. They need to be spiritual friends in the sense that they act, speak, and think constructively
in ways that never cause long-term harm, but only ultimate benefit. These ways are always free of
greed, attachment, anger, or naivety as their motivation. Instead, they arise from love and
compassion and come from wisdom. Further, spiritual mentors lead disciples to constructive
behavior, like friends who have become trusted, close family members. Ultimately, spiritual mentors
lead disciples to liberation and enlightenment.

When spiritual teachers have the additional qualities associated with the secondary meanings of
a
lama, they may be even more effective mentors for inspiring disciples. For example, if
laypeople acting as spiritual mentors serve in monastic settings, potential disciples gain more
confidence in their commitment and authority, than if they serve outside that setting. If, in
addition, spiritual mentors are monks or nuns, they set potent examples.
The Abbreviated Kalachakra Tantra explains the reason: people upholding monastic vows
automatically command respect as representatives of the
Sangha Refuge – those with straightforward, nonconceptual understanding of reality.
Although such persons may be lay or ordained, the community of monks and nuns represents the Sangha
as an object of respect. The use of
Sangha as an equivalent for the congregation of members either of a specific Dharma center
or of a group of centers is purely a Western convention.

Further, if spiritual mentors are masters of ritual who have completed three-year meditation
retreats or have trained at one of the tantric colleges, people feel that this certifies their
qualifications. The same is true if they have successfully completed formal monastic education and
received Geshe or kenpo degrees. Finally, if authorities have recognized spiritual mentors as the
reincarnations of great tantric masters, many people automatically have strong faith in their
abilities.

On the other hand, people may be merely monks, nuns, laypeople serving in monastic settings,
ritual masters, monastic degree holders, recognized reincarnations, or some combination of these.
Such persons certainly deserve respect and may be able to teach many things. Nevertheless, without
the further qualifications indicated by the full original meanings of
guru,
lama, and
spiritual friend, they are not spiritual mentors and guides capable of leading disciples
all the way to enlightenment. We may avoid disillusionment and possible spiritual harm if we
rectify terms