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Thursday, May 20, 2010

What it all means

Omega, as always, has a plan. He wants me to be open.

Let me start over.

When I began to embrace my inner slut, I wanted her out in the open all the time. I asked Omega if there was any way possible to keep me that way. To be mindless, not to think. His answer was very clear. No.

To maintain that level of control is hard, to have to tell me every thing would be impossible to keep up. Silly idea anyway.

This morning in our basement he drove me crazy. He was wild, and yanno really good sex has a smell to it. You could smell us everywhere. He asked if I wanted to orgasm....and I nodded...he made me beg for it. Not just ask but really beg. He made me say words, when in that slut headspace came easily, but are difficult for me to say under normal circumstances. I wanted it tho...I was greedy for the orgasm. I was greedy for him. I would have meowed.

i have a love hate relationship with begging, too. On one hand, it makes me feel humiliated and sometimes i freeze up so the words don't come at all, which ruins whatever is going on at the time. Obviously, when He says 'no' that's not something i particularly like, because, well, orgasms are fun. But i agree, the fact that He *can* and ultimately *does* say 'no' is really really hot, because it shows how much control He has, which is probably why every orgasm i have to beg for seems that much more intense!

It sounds logical to me. You're submissive. By having to beg for release, your submission and lack of control, as well as Omega's control over you, is affirmed. I'm guessing it should be making you both hot. :-)

I might very well be missing some aspect here, but I think you've given some of the clues here yourself. You wanted the inner slut to be out in the open all the time. By having to say all those (slutty?) words, isn't the inner slut being more manifest? Isn't it harder to put her away outside of play that way? Maybe you cant have the inner slut out in the open all the time, but maybe there can be more of a scale between sluttiness and non-sluttiness along which you could move with more ease, where the inner slut, or at least parts of her, would be more accessible to you? (Sorry if this dosen't makes sense, I'm not quite sure I totally get the boundaries of the inner slut.)