It's been the worst day since yesterday

A truthful fact really, since every day seems to be darker than the last. There are all sorts of problems to go around, and enough of them for a lifetime. Things can always get worse though. I had previously promised to myself to kill myself before summer, being such a wuss that I am, I deep in side knew that I would most likely not. But....

You should know that I hate men and yes, I'm a man myself. Doesn't mean I can't hate myself.

The main reason I hate men is due to their bastardness and the most awful word ever: rape... Being male and 19, I have never had a personal experiance with it, and in matter of fact, I'm still a virgin >_> .. anyhow.. I know at least 5 girls (if not more) that have been sexually abused.. It tears my heart out every time..

To MY knowledge, that number was lower by one untill last night. A girl I know, have been love with, and probably will never even meet said that she is afraid she will be raped this weekend... at a party she has to go to due to some... thing.. long story ( like this isn't ) .. well.. nothing I can do about that so I just hope it won't happen, since she will not listen to me. During my talk with her, it turned out that the time her ex almost raped her was not that ALMOST afterall... It's been the worst day since yesterday... I was heartbroken.....

I am not the problem or not even a little bit strange by wanting to die and leave this world.. The world is such an awful place that it does not deserve to exist. The LEAST I can do is stop it for just me... Come to think about it, life is like drinking and death is like the morning after when you can't remember anything. You might have as well had the most fun ever, or even lost your virginity, but to you it is as if it has never happened. There is no memory, and that is death. There is no more pain because there is no more life.. This incident, and the twilight of every day keeps pushing me on, and soon I hope to find the bravery I need.

In my point of view, wanting to die and leave this place makes me the most human of all.

first of all, good for you. I am 18, and also a virgin. It is something special, so i congratulate you on it.
Secondly, i know how you feel about the whole rape thing. My current gf, who I love fiercely, was raped a few years ago repeatedly by her "boyfriend". Every time I think about it i want nothing more than to- well, use your imagination.
But most importantly, your "shitty world" comment. I urge you to take a step back and look at what is there before you. You seem like a good person. all you see is the pain and suffering of others before you. you hate what you see...so do something about it. Stay alive, if for no other reason to help those poor girls through what was hell...stay alive to help ANYBODY who comes to you, or that you know of, through their own personal hell. I can tell from your post that you have a certain perspective about you...use it to your advantage. Use what you know to help those who need it.

Finally, i urge you to consider this: evil is defined only by its counterpart, good. The mere fact that you know that this evilness is happening is because you know, deep (maybe WAY deep) deep down, that somewhere in the world, there is good.

Be safe, think well. it may not be only your life that depends on your choice.

I am depressed and can't go to school nor work... without money, what life do I have?

I have basically no social skills at all. I may wish the best, but I will probably say things just a little too harshly... Or not know what to say at all. So, how can I help them if I can not communicate?