In terms of machismo, it's a show whose dialog at times rivals that of
Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry. "Forward my men and seize that General
there! His life is over!" In terms of silliness and absurdity it's the
nineteenth century's answer to Airplane and The Naked Gun movies --
without the vulgarity, of course. Along with its companions [i], it's
a show that provided inspiration to early 20th century comedians such
as Laurel and Hardy, the Keystone Kops, and others. Its libretto was
penned by the foremost wordsmith in all music comedy -- a man justly
famous for his use and abuse of the English language [ii]. Not only
that, but it contains a song that may very well be considered the very
first 'rap' song [iii]. That is, if 'rap' can be considered to be
speaking a great deal of words, in a very rapid fashion according to a
particular cadence. Performed properly -- with innocence, gusto and
free-wheeling, reckless abandon -- the show is nothing but pure,
mindless merriment from start to finish with nary a serious moment.
Oh, Joy! Oh, Rapture!

What show am I talking about? Why its Sir W. S. Gilbert and Sir Arthur
Sullivan's The Pirates of Penzance, of course. A touchstone in all
music comedy.

So why write about a nineteenth century musical? Does it deal with
serious issues, such as prejudice, as in Show Boat, South Pacific or
West Side Story? Well ... no, not unless making a mockery of an
Englishmen's sense of duty is a serious issue. Nevertheless there is
this little problem ... having been composed in the 1800's it hasn't
been contaminated with any sort of political correctness. And thus,
being a show featuring pirates, that means performers will carry
personal weapons, specifically guns and cutlasses {albeit fake ones}
and engage in swashbuckling! [iv] Horror! {Strike One!} Worse, the
pirates drink booze! Double horror! {Strike Two!} Finally, in one
short, silly scene, the pirates manhandle women against their will!!
{Three strikes and you're out!!}

Out of the repertory of every high school theatre company {such as
they are} in the country, that is. Also, since most universities are
dominated by socialists, fascists, communists, politically correct,
government loving {when in democrat hands} faculties {who evidently
lack 'faculties' since our universities are virtually the only places
in America where socialism is alive and kicking}, we may as well count
the show out there as well.

You see, we're living in an insane, pusillanimous-era in which Steven
Spielberg feels this overwhelming urge to digitally erase guns from
every scene of the DVD release of E.T. Its an era in which balless
characters such as Hal on Malcolm in the Middle, are staples of TV
sitcoms. Worse, we live in an age in which school administrators freak
at the sight of butter knives on the floor boards of motor vehicles or
suffer from complete cerebral shutdown when encountering a child, with
his hands formed in the shape of a gun, yelling, "BANG!"

Just how far along has the wimpification of America progressed? Its
difficult to know for sure but the first Men in Black movie does not
give one hope for mankind. Yep, buried in the audio commentary [v], in
reference to the scene where Will Smith stomps the cockroaches, you
will find this disturbing conversation between director Barry
Sonnenfeld and Tommy Lee Jones:

BS: We had to count every cockroach between setups to make sure that
none had escaped for the humane society!

TLJ: They didn't want you killing any cockroaches?

BS: That's correct! We weren't allowed to! And in fact anytime you see
anything being crushed ...

TLJ: Its like a rubber cockroach?

BS: It's a packet of mustard under his shoe!

{What a relief! This should be a great comfort for those one or two
Americans who spend their sleep hours a tossin' and a turnin', a
weepin' and a wailin', and gnashing their teeth over the untimely
demise of cockroaches. Why do they give a crap what the humane society
'thinks' when cockroaches are concerned? Are cockroaches an endangered
species?}

What the hell is the country coming to, anyway?

And so, for the foreseeable future, no youthful thespian will be
permitted the fun of uttering such stirring, over-the-top,
testosterone-laden, utterly macho dialog such as:

"... and before midnight, I hoped to have atoned for my involuntarily
association with the pestilent scourges, by sweeping them from the
face of the earth!" {Say it with bravado! That's where the fun
is!}

or

"Our revenge will be swift and terrible! We will go and collect our
band and attack Tremorden Castle! This very night!! Not another
word! He is doomed!"

Nor will any youthful Frederics be wooing the ladies with these lyrics
of unutterable romantic love:

"Oh is there not one maiden here
Whose homely face and bad complexion
Has caused all hope to disappear
Of ever winning man's affection?
To such a one, if such there be,
I swear by Heaven's arch above you,
If you will cast your eyes on me --
However plain you be -- I'll love you!"

{Alas, what lass wouldn't swoon to this ditty? I told you this show
was silly.}

Oh well, enough of the fun stuff. Time to beat up on government
education.

I don't believe in government education. I consider it to be the
primary method by which the insanity and stupidity of previous
generations is visited upon future generations. Further, I consider
training children in dependency upon and subservience toward
government to be little more than child abuse. So is teaching men that
they have some moral obligation to march off to war every time so
idiot politician blows the bugle. And there are a good many things I
could say about this subject.

I could point out that government 'educators' don't seem to have a
clear grasp of the 'employer-employee' concept; that it is improper
and immoral and not to be borne that they have more power and
authority over the education of children than the parents do! I could
point out that if those degrees they receive in the teachers colleges
are worth the paper they are printed on, that they would survive in
the free market same as any other professional. I could decree that
teachers are really insulting themselves when they resist
privatization in that they are saying that they have so little
confidence in their abilities as well as the content and
worthwhileness of what they have to teach that they don't believe they
can survive unless parents have no choice but to deliver their
children into their hands!

I could point out that it is immoral for parents to shift the economic
burdens of raising their children off onto other people and that the
excuse "we all benefit from an educated populace" doesn't work with
me.

I could urge everyone to get a hold of John Taylor Gatto's book,
The Underground History of American Education, and learn about the
jackasses of history, {Horace Mann, Andrew Carnegie, John Dewey and
others} who apparently suffered from a collective cerebral hemorrhage
in that they shared the common delusion of believing they had a kind
of 'divine right' to play God with the minds of other people's
children.

I could point out that the government schools have been dumbing people
down for over 40 years now and that there is no correlation between
money spent {always more} and results achieved.{If we paid teachers
$1,000,000 a year, learning would not improve. The problem is in the
content.} I could suggest that most Americans don't seem to have much
in the way of critical thinking skills where politics are concerned
and that filling one's brain up with a lot of facts is not actual
thinking and that because of this Americans are vulnerable to
propaganda.

I could point these facts out and more on this depressing subject [vi]
and someday I will.

Just now though I'd rather have some fun! So, let's strap on our
cutlasses, hoist some brewskies, and sing a joyous tune. Are you
with me men?! Altogether now!:

"Poor oh poor the pirate sherry;
Fill oh fill the pirate glass;
And, to make us more than merry,
Let the pirate bumper pass!"

____
[i] The Mikado and H.M.S. Pinafore

[ii] Notice in the following how Gilbert uses alliteration, rhythm and
how he slaughters the words 'parson' and 'matrimony':

Here's a first-rate opportunity
To get married with impunity,
And indulge in the felicity
Of unbounded domesticity
You shall quickly be parsonified,
Conjugally matrimonified,
By a doctor of divinity,
Who resides in this vicinity

[iii] "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General"

[iv] Who would want to see a pirate show without swashbuckling, after all?

James J. Odle is a splendid fellow who, unlike the vast majority of
so-called 'public servants' has a real job in the private sector
performing real work, which a real employer voluntarily pays him to
perform.

He is also a Life Member of Gun Owners of America.

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Flight From Eden
by Kathryn A. Graham - America's religious right has gone mad, but if
you are looking for a political lecture, go elsewhere! Instead, let
the Texas Director for Armed Females of America take you on the
science fiction adventure of a lifetime. And the journey is only
beginning!