Men Continue To Receive Dumb Advice About Seducing Women

Remember when that book The Game came out and all of a sudden the guy you were dating started acting really hostile and insulting your shoes because that was a tip in Chapter 2? This is kind of more ridiculous than that.

"We found love in a hopeless place, girl."--Dude from Night At The Roxbury (above).

It is a truth universally acknowledged that there is a blind spot that certain dudes (and ladies) seem to have where sexting is concerned, and it is roughly the size of Montana. But it's not really their fault, since every so often an "expert" pops out of the woodwork and tells dudes they can seduce women via text message, or whatever, even though most women I know are more likely to be seduced via birdcalls. Or, like, Parseltongue.

Carlos Xuma, who's been giving professional dating advice for over 10 years, says that the key to running text game is... anticipatory buildup. Quoth Xuma: "The best seduction technique is for a guy to get the girl to start thinking about him in a sexy way hours before they have plans to see one another. Sometimes the anticipation is what makes the experience--once it does happen--that much richer and satisfying."

Firstly, a resounding "doy." Second of all: This kind of anticipation is way better when built up in person, am I right? Like a long, sexy kiss right before you (or he) walks out the door. Personally, if I received a text from a dude like "OMG, I'mma ravish you tonight, etc. etc.," I guess it would be cool if I liked him, but it certainly wouldn't "seduce" me if I was ambivalent. In fact, it'd be a bit of a cheese-factory turnoff.

Would you ladies swoon over a sext like this? Does Carlos Xuma know what he's talking about? Google Image search him--it will not surprise you that he has a soul patch that is as lush as the rainforest.