On being water soluble

by Michael S. Kaplan, published on 2008/08/17 03:01 -04:00, original URI: http://blogs.msdn.com/b/michkap/archive/2008/08/17/8873479.aspx

I probably stopped liking milk by itself around the time that I was 10, and stopped liking it even in cereal and Kraft Mac & Cheese by the time I was 20.

It just never seemed cold enough -- so it tasted like it was going bad or something.

Hard to explain it, really.

Anyway, soon after that I started not liking water, either.

At first I switched to bottled water or nothing, which was less common then so usually I just had something other than water.

Eventually even the bottled water just wasn't cutting it.

I stopped drinking water before I hit 25, though very little after I was 22 anyway.

You know at restaurants they always give you water, even if you don't want it.

Just walking in someone who doesn't even talk to me gives me a glass of water that I'm not gonna drink.

I can refuse it, but no water glass just begs for some random server to get you a glass of water.

If you leave the glass there empty people keep trying to fill it, assuming I'm just a huge water drinker.

Even turning the glass uoside down doesn't help; someone with a pitcher will pass by and turn it over to fill it.

I finally just gave up; they fill the glass, and I just don't drink it.

People would ask about it, I would just tell them that I am water soluable.

They would be confused.

So I'd ask them if they ever saw The Wizard of Oz.

Of course they would say yes, so I 'd explain that the thing with the Wicked Witch of the West and the pail?

That witch, I'd explain, was water soluble.

This would lead to various reactions, usually amusement or bemusement.

Occasionally people would be very clever and point out how much it must suck to live in Seattle.

Other times I'd say it -- part of the shpiel, you know?

I'd explain it is not entirely a blocking issue -- it just makes things a little messier....

In recent times, I have found myself with people around me who consider this whole aspect of my personality to be kind of a health issue.

They aren't all girlfriends or anything, but they do seem to have that "mother-of-all-the-living" complex and they are concerned that I do my best to make sure I drink nothing but Limonata.

So they encourage me to drink water.

I do now occasionally have water.

And each time I do it I make sure to mention it.

Because I hate the way it tastes, and if I have to suffer I at least want to get the credit for having done it....

Now if I were a billionaire and I had these odd quirks then people would consider me eccentric. They definitely would after I added a post-mix fountain containing Limonata, which I would do if I were a billionaire.

Hell, I'd do that if it were less than that even.

But anyway since I'm not a billionaire, I think this just makes me weird.

In case you didn't think so already....

This blog brought to you by ䷜ (U+4ddc, aka HEXAGRAM FOR THE ABYSMAL WATER)

There was a South Park episode about the smaug factor from all of the people who buy a prius and then love to fart because they assume their farts don't smell. New Yorkers have had that going on for years, obviously!

Bottled water shouldn't have a taste, so is it the lack of a taste that bugs you? I'd completely understand that, I can't eat tofu for the same reason - I bite into it and... nothing. No sensation at all. It's just weird.

Have you considered Vitamin water? Might be a happy medium - has the benefits of flavor so improves the taste, and may not have all the additives that limonata has. (although vitamin waters have additives of their own)

another possibility would be to buy several different types of bottled water, and do a taste evaluation to see if you find any of them palatable.