Gerald the Great of Garokoland

The only way Gerald can marry the beautiful princess is to take over the bankrupted kingdom of her stupid father, the king. He now has to deal with the corruption, starvation and senseless slavery of spirit that has beset this insane place. He manages to find order, beauty and love, with help from some strange characters. This is not a serious book but it has a serious message ... seriously! More

Gerald finds himself in love with the beautiful princess and the only way he can marry her is to tale over the shambolic, bankrupted and immoral kingdom of her stupid father, the king. Having got the king out of the way - in a way he could not have imagined - he now has to deal with the corruption, starvation and senseless slavery of spirit that has beset this insane place. He stumbles from accident to accident and, somehow, manages to find order, beauty and love, all at the same time ... with the help of some unlikely characters, including the aged Harry Hawk, a reluctant sun and a whole host of unlikely people. This is not a serious book but it has a serious message ... seriously!

This book is best read sitting down as that was how it was written. It is also written slower for the slower readers and we would suggest that you keep your reading speed below 30,000 words per minute lest blurring, vertigo, lack of comprehension, measles and political correctness occur. You could also be booked (ha! ha!) by the reading police, for speeding, when they stop reading. Another suggestion is that you move your eyes and/or your head back and forwards rather than moving the book in front of your eyes. This is a new development in reading technique and, although cutting-edge technology, has now been tested successfully on 2,500 sheep, 30 goats, 400 emus and 3 humans and all experienced vast improvements in their romantic lives. Their reading suffered but who cares when you’re in love. This is an unfairy story – a fairy story without fairies. The Fairy Union complained about this to the Arbitration Council and I have now agreed to include them in the sequel. There are many other people not included (my mother, the Pope, St. Francis of Assisi, Mussolini to name a few) and if you feel a need to be included in the sequel to the sequel your claim will need to be into the Council within three days, after which they break for their 15-year-long Christmas holiday. This is a story for children and adults alike (though they’re not really alike are they?) but there are a few big words (like wheelbarrow and porcupine) that adults may find difficult. I suggest that you keep a child within yelling distance to help you with the difficult bits.

An author of 18 books (to date) my SuperPower is whatsroundthenextcornerism. I shed the light of acceptance on those who deftly avoid being run down by the one-bucket pigeon holeists.

We are not generalists. We are adventureists, curiousists and whatsroundthenextcornerists. We revel in the ordered chaos of anarchy and know that pigeon holes are for pigeons; not for humans.

I never set out to be this way, any more than a homosexual set out to be their way. It was just the way I was born and my not-fitting-into one bucket has caused me no end of drama and depression. I have oft wished I was otherwise but, in moments of clarity, I rejoice in the diversity my life has brought.