Brian Trahan: All we need is a porch and sweet tea

Monday

Jun 18, 2012 at 12:01 AMJun 18, 2012 at 3:16 PM

There is so much strife in the world — political, religious and economic. As I’ve discussed many times before, I don’t consider myself a sociologist; merely an amateur people watcher. One thing is certain, though: We would all be better off if everyone spent their evenings on a porch.

Brian Trahan

If you’re from the North, you may not quite understand the focus of this week’s ramblings. If you’re from the South, you’re in the know — as sure as sweet tea and fried catfish on the supper table.

There is so much strife in the world — political, religious and economic. As I’ve discussed many times before, I don’t consider myself a sociologist; merely an amateur people watcher. One thing is certain, though: We would all be better off if everyone spent their evenings on a porch.

If you don’t have one ... build one now.

All things can be solved by sitting on the porch and watching the sunset. Or so I was told by my late grand-daddy. Since most of his pearls of wisdom have guided me through life — with little resistance — I’m headed to the nearest hardware store to begin work on my porch. Do they sell elbow grease?

President Obama has his agenda filled with problems. There’s that whole jobless situation in the United States, and something about immigration. I’ve also heard about a few tangles with terrorism and health care. That big old house on Pennsylvania Avenue has plenty of room for a porch. Throw a few rocking chairs back there, and you no longer need the Oval Office. Hey, you can even add a few tomato plants in buckets.

I can recall as a young Cajun, spending many evenings on Grand-daddy’s porch. Despite swaying back and forth from French to English, he solved a lot of problems on his rocking chair — armed with wisdom, a sense of humor, sweet tea and his pocket knife.

Mr. President ... are you paying attention? You won’t need the knife. I don’t imagine you know much about whittling wood. And maybe you don’t eat catfish and hush puppies in Chicago. I’m certain, though, that if you spent a little time on the White House porch with Hamid Karzai and Vladimir Putin, lots can be accomplished. It’s as easy as catching sac-a-lait on the bayou.

While you’re at it, invite Mitt Romney over, too. It’s a little cold to have a porch in Massachusetts or Detroit, but I’m sure you and Mitt can find common ground to ensure a no-nonsense election this fall. All you need is rocking chairs and a few slivers of apple pie.

I never had to deal with foreign policy or tenacious lobbyists, but there was this one time when Billy Smith stole my collection of hot wheels racing cars. Grand-daddy solved that problem on his front porch. I told you Billy.
Then there was the time when I spent a little too much time in the sun hunting for water moccasins. Grand-daddy fixed my sun stroke on the porch. To this day, I’m not sure exactly what he said in my ear. It was some sort of French mumbo jumbo. We did make homemade ice cream that day ... and I got to turn the handle on the churn.

The New Orleans Saints have been in the news so often lately, casting the franchise in a negative light. Bounty scandals, listening devices, this guy filing an injunction against that guy, that guy accusing this guy of lying is all too much to comprehend. We have coaches sitting at home for a year unable to work. It’s downright taxing.

All that could have been avoided. You guessed it ... Roger Goodell and Sean Payton could have settled this on the porch. Just like I did with my brothers when we had a disagreement. Although I’m not sure Grand-daddy’s method would work in today’s world. The end justifies the means I guess, as long as you have sweet tea. Hey Roger, don’t worry about that chicken, she’s only laying a few eggs for breakfast. And hammer in that loose nail why don’t you.

Bobby Jindal and several Louisiana lawmakers spent the entire legislative session pointing fingers and butting heads about issues ranging from education to the state’s budget. For the most part, those issues have been worked out.

Does anyone have a photo of the back of the governor’s mansion? I bet you anything, there is a porch. It’s probably a wrap-around porch too. Even though Bobby is not your typical Southerner, he was born in Baton Rouge. He has enough South in him to utilize “porch policy” to accomplish anything.

Tiger Woods turned his golf game around for this weekend’s U.S. Open by taking lessons on the porch. Ridley Scott decided to direct the hit movie “Prometheus” after reading the script on his porch one evening after eating pork chops for supper. Apple CEO Tim Cook finalized the design for the iPhone 5 while rocking on his porch with his grand-babies. Heck, even Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook one Sunday evening while visiting a friend in Alabama ... on his porch. Roll Tide.

Of course, I cannot prove all of the previous paragraph is true, but I reserve the right for writer’s embellishment. If it’s good enough for Grand-daddy, it’s good enough for me — and the rest of the world.

It sure is hot out ... anyone have a fresh pitcher of sweet tea?

Brian Trahan is Executive Editor of the Southwest Daily News in Sulphur, La. Follow him on Twitter @SDNBrianTrahan.

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