Comments on: Look ‘Em in the Eye: Part I – The Importance of Eye Contacthttp://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/02/05/look-em-in-the-eye-part-i-the-importance-of-eye-contact/
Men's Interests and LifestyleSat, 01 Aug 2015 23:57:00 +0000hourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.3By: Big Donhttp://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/02/05/look-em-in-the-eye-part-i-the-importance-of-eye-contact/comment-page-1/#comment-1144332
Sun, 08 Feb 2015 02:19:00 +0000http://artofmanliness.com/?p=22648#comment-1144332This parallels nicely with the “Help For the Shy Guy” series you did late last year. As I mentioned before, it has taken the majority of my 38 years on this planet to overcome my shyness. For all the tremendous progress I’ve made, making (and maintaining) eye contact with others is the one area I still struggle with. The bulk of my problem is and always has been insecurity and a lack of self-confidence.
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Wed, 04 Feb 2015 08:30:00 +0000http://artofmanliness.com/?p=22648#comment-1144068Good insights. I was raised by military parents and taught early to have confidence when speaking to others while still remaining respectful. Maintaining an appropriate level of eye contact (w/out being creepy) was essential and must admit it made no small contribution to my success in school and early jobs. However, I noticed that I hit a roadblock in college when I attended Texas A&M University and was not allowed to look upperclassmen in the eye for an entire year. This created a bad habit of avoiding eye contact that I still struggle to resist.
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Mon, 16 Jun 2014 19:47:00 +0000http://artofmanliness.com/?p=22648#comment-1067386Con-men know very well the silly little superstition about eye contact and belief in “truthfulness”. They use it to great advantage. Eye contact says nothing at all about honesty. Eye contact says nothing at all about character. Eye contact actually says nothing at all. The man with great eye contact could simply be trying to manipulate you by taking advantage of credulity and superstition about eye contact.
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Tue, 12 Nov 2013 22:55:15 +0000http://artofmanliness.com/?p=22648#comment-477976Some great advice and seriously useful. I use this and I’m starting to really appreciate how much difference it can make. I only smiled and made good eye contact with the girl in my local supermarket to improve on an otherwise trivial counter chit chat. now when she sees me her smile literally beams across the room. Its like discovering a whole new world.

Still working on it for longer interactions though – tricky.

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Sat, 20 Jul 2013 12:27:25 +0000http://artofmanliness.com/?p=22648#comment-433730My eye contact tends to make others feel uncomfortable, even people who are very high level members of society, and lower members as well, doesn’t matter really, I even served as Juror and none of the witnesses would look me in the eyes, BUT they made direct eye contact with ALL OTHER JURORS for some reason. Very few people, (other than women with large breasts) appreciate my eye contact. I think women are just tired of men staring at their chests and find my eye contact more respectful, but most people find my gaze intimidating.
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Thu, 04 Jul 2013 06:19:02 +0000http://artofmanliness.com/?p=22648#comment-429245fascinating article, I believe all the points and how u feel that connection. You feel like you share an unspoken friendly experience when you experience positive eye contact if both people are comfortable with it!
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Fri, 28 Jun 2013 20:29:57 +0000http://artofmanliness.com/?p=22648#comment-427191Eye contact upon meeting individuals is polite and shows genuine interest in meeting them. Holding eye contact through exchanging names and a basic greeting/hand shake is appropriate and what I teach all people I care about.
As you talk with individuals, eye contact is a form of sensing their interest and level of comfort with you and the subject you are listening to or discussing. Looking away from them while they are talking can be taken as disinterest, and staring at them can make them feel expectant or uncomfortable, so find a balance and way to interact with other body language besides eye contact throughout the conversation. Overt staring is rude and meant to intimidate as an alpha dog. In the animal world there are consequences for challenging the wrong person to a staring contest. As we learn and grow, so does our ability to interact with others on a equal level of comfort with balanced eye contact. Besides the contact there should be other facial and body indicators that match. Without those there will be internal conflict in understanding the other individuals mindset and intentions. People tend to give what they are comfortable in receiving, so I try to match what they give me to make them at ease with me. A shy introverted person will get the lightest touch, and a extroverted person will get my best attempt in a balanced extroverted firm response. The fear of rejection only matters if you allow it, as does the fear of being accepted feeling the responsibility of reciprocation.

Feel comfortable with yourself and others will follow.

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Fri, 14 Jun 2013 22:39:09 +0000http://artofmanliness.com/?p=22648#comment-420036One thing I have learned works for people who have a hard time maintaining eye contact is to fake it.

Instead of forcing yourself to stare in someone else’s eyes (as you mentioned, it can be intimidating), during a conversation keep count of how many times the other person blinks. This will automatically force you to stare into their eyes.

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Mon, 04 Feb 2013 20:08:47 +0000http://artofmanliness.com/?p=22648#comment-325477I’ve learned how to deal with it. Another art of manliness.
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Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:55:35 +0000http://artofmanliness.com/?p=22648#comment-325424Scientists have actually shown that people who are lying and/or trying to hide their emotions, tend to make more eye contact due. This is due in part to the fact that they want to make sure someone believes their lies, and doesn’t see past their facade. People who are telling the truth, actually tend to look to one side or the other, because they need to remember something, and because the vast majority of people formulate their thoughts best by looking away from people for a bit.
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