Why You Should Be a Surrendered Wife- Woman narrates

​Californian woman, Kathy Murray narrates how she saved her marriage through the approach of a controversial book called The Surrendered Wife.

Written by Laura Doyle,the book tells women to stop nagging their partners and give reasons to treat them with more respect.

Kathy and Husband/ Pic credit: BBC

“The first time I married I was divorced by 26. I remarried at 32 but soon found myself sleeping in the guest room. My husband and I fought all the time.”

She added that conflicts stemmed up from issues about raising of their children, finances management and how frequent they should make love

Working as a chief finance officer while her husband served as a sales rep for a construction company,Kathy believes she is the breadwinner and acted as such.

She was constantly conflicting her spouse and found less satisfaction in their marital affairs.

The six principles of being a ‘Surrendered Wife’-culled from Laura Doyle “The Surrendered Wife”

Relinquishes inappropriate control of her husband

Respects her husband’s thinking

Receives his gifts graciously and expresses gratitude for him

Expresses what she wants without trying to control him

Relies on him to handle household finances

Focuses on her own self-care and fulfilment

“The more I told my husband how he should be,the less he’d try. I couldn’t figure it out so I dragged him to marriage counselling. But that only made things worse.

So I went to counselling by myself and complained about my husband for more than a year. Spending thousands of dollars, only to find myself nearer divorce than when I started.

I was about to end my marriage when I picked up a book called “The Surrendered Wife” by Laura Doyle. I mean, they don’t teach us how to be successful in marriage in school and the women in my life didn’t share the secrets either.

It was incredibly humbling to recognise that I had something to do with why my marriage was failing and perhaps even why my first marriage failed. But it was also empowering.

I didn’t know I’d been disrespectful to my husband or even that I’d been controlling and critical. I thought I was being helpful and logical. I just didn’t know that respect for men is like oxygen, so no wonder my husband was no longer interested in me sexually.

I’ll never forget the day I first apologised to my husband for being rude for correcting him in front of the children, or the day I said “whatever you think” when I’d previously been extremely opinionated about what he should do.