Indian Government scrapped all Military Wings as WAR kills people

Indian Government decided to wind-up all types of military forces that are used to maintain territorial integrity. For over two days entire media was having a hot debate on the issue of soldiers being killed by ‘the war’ and not by soldiers belonging to enemy country. Many eminent intellectuals like Sanjay Jha and Rana Ayyub felt that Government is unnecessarily killing soldiers by posting them at the borders so that Pakistan use them for target practice. Narendra Modi government, which was already condemned for being intolerant against intellectuals, took this decision immediately, before this issue blows into another ‘Award Wapsi’ episode.

PM Modi giving farewell speech to Indian Army

What Prompted?
According to internal resources Akhilesh Yadav, who is the best friend of Rahul Gandhi advised Rahul Gandhi to return the “Pappu” award. Fearing of Rahul may take the advise seriously has prompted Venkaiah Naidu to take up the issue with Modi and an ordinance is being drafted to this effect. President is expected to sign this ordinance, whenever he wakes up from his sleep.

Reactions:
Welcoming this decision, Chief Minister of India, Shriman Arvind Kejriwal tweeted, “This is the second good decision taken by Narendra Modi in the last three years”. Last time he supported Modi was after surgical strikes, and even then only after personally verifying the proofs himself.

Sitaram Yechury applauded the decision saying that India never needed an Army, as China was always more than ready to outsource its Red Army to India, if and when necessary arises. However, at the same time Mr Yechury warned Modi government that even if the military is scrapped officially, all soldiers should get their salaries as per 7th pay commission. CPM politburo has taken a decision to send Prakash Karat and Umar Khalid (to maintain secularism!) to meet soldiers so that a union of soldiers can be formed.

Taking the issue one step ahead the duo of Rajdeep Sardesai and Barkha Dutt have requested the government to consider even scrapping the police. Even Somnath Bharati and Manish Sisodia feel this would be a good move, given the fact that entire police in India works as BJP agents.

However, it seems there are some cracks in the opposition. Manish Tewari, speaking on behalf of Indian Amateur Congress claimed that Congress party would oppose the move, as no proper procedure was followed in making this legislation. “We are not against scrapping the Army” he said, elaborating further “We are against the utter disregard this government shows towards the parliamentary democracy. Such important decisions should be taken only after proper disruptions were held in parliament”. When asked about the job loss to soldiers, Mr Tewari laughed reminding the pioneering scheme of MNREGA. “MNREGA can take care of not only Indians, but even people of neighbouring countries” he said. It seems even Mamta Banerjee has agreed with all others, a first in her entire public life.

While Arun Jaitley said there would be a savings of about Rs. 3 Trillion per annum that was reserved against defense expenditure, a news bulletin came informing Chidambaram and Kapil Sibal have already left for Singapore to scheme new scams to siphon this money. Eminent economist and Nobel prize winner Amartya Sen hailed this as a move that would change the future of India. “Coming to think one girl could inspire the government to take such a bold and innovative more, I congratulate Gurmeher Kaur”, he said.

Our special correspondent Haria Lal met Rahul Gandhi while he was inaugurating a Potato factory in Amethi, as part of election campaign. When asked about how the territorial threat from Pakistan would be dealt without Army, Rahul Gandhi smiled and said “Do you think now our boundaries are safe? Nay. How do you think we raised funds for the UP elections even after Demonetisation? Our Bengal unit has smuggled two lac Bangladeshis in January. Now, Uncle Digvijay Singh is busy providing them with Aadhar, PAN and Ration cards. Even the western border is porous and I get my weed smuggled through Rajasthan. Along the China Border, once in a while, Red Army enters our territory for a picnic. So, what is there to maintain? After all, we Indians are liberal. Unlike Donald Trump, the fascist bigot, we welcome migrants from poor nations like Bangladesh and Pakistan.”

Vijay Mallya and Lalit Modi requested the government to scrap even the Customs and Judiciary departments also, so they can return to India.

PS:Hafiz Sayeed advised his stone throwing platoon to take revenge on kids of Indian martyrs calling them kids of enemy. And all liberals who were supporting martyr kids have now felt they support the request of Hafiz in the name of humanity. Last heard ABVP students are now much in demand to provide security!