But what do you care? You still have your #1 main squeeze, masturbation; you're gonna be just fine!

A recent poll of over 1100 men and women ages 21 to 35 revealed all their hopes, fears, dreams, and desires when it comes to masturbation. And it turns out, some of us are a little too attached to pounding the meat. For a few select chicken chokers and pudding stirrers (sorry), the need for solo sexual pleasure can be a real problem.

First, the key findings from the survey:

* 79.6% masturbate 0-2 times per day; 15.2% 3-5 times a day; 3.8% 6-10 times; and only 1.4% masturbate more than 10 times a day
* 48% believe that their masturbation frequency is below average; 45.4% said frequency is average; and 6% believe that their masturbation frequency is above average
* 45.4% either agreed that masturbating can cause problems in their relationships; while 29.3% neither agreed or disagreed and the rest of the participants disagreed
* 18.3% are either extremely or very ashamed of their masturbating habits; 23.8% are either slightly or somewhat ashamed and the 57.8% are not ashamed at all

The news comes from Morningside Recovery, a Southern California-based addiction center which treats several patients who suffer from masturbation addiction. They found that 20.4 percent of people surveyed masturbate at least three or more times per day. This isn't a problem in and of itself because masturbation is hella fun, but it can become one if it starts interfering with your TV or internet addiction. Just kidding, it's a far more serious problem than all that.

Take it away Mary Helen Beatificato, CEO of Morningside Recovery:

"It is crucial to get an accurate view of how America views and treats excessive Masturbation," said Beatificato. "This survey helps demonstrate the need to treat those who not only suffer from the shame of excessive masturbation, but to emphasize tolerance, civility and respect from those individuals who they interact with on a daily basis."

Beatificato warns that although this addiction is often overlooked, it can cause "serious problems in a relationship."

This isn't hard to believe; I have a friend who was in a long term relationship with a person who was more interested in masturbation than in having sex with her. She'd regularly find him jerking it to porn when she'd made it very clear that she wanted to have sex. The weirdest part was, the porn he was into almost always involved women who looked very similar to my friend. Strange, right? It was just a very odd situation, and she asked him several times to get help. He denied having a problem, and so after several sexless months, she broke up with him. Of course, it's possible he just wasn't attracted to her or had past trauma or abuse, but that's not what I gathered from the situation.

Since masturbation is such a taboo topic in our society, it makes sense that we have no clue what is and isn't healthy. It's tricky because when you start dictating the restraints of normalcy, you run the risk of shaming people — and that sucks. If you masturbate a million times a day, and you're still able to enjoy the type of sex life that makes you and your partner happy; stay the course, you little miracle worker! However, if your masturbation habits are keeping you from great sex or a loving relationship with another person, you might want to look into that.

After all, flicking the bean is a grand time, and it's even better when it's part of a full burrito dinner. (It's a metaphor.) (Did it work?)