Wednesday, March 3, 2010

My parents loved to send us to our Aunt and Uncle’s house on the Oregon coast during the summer when we were kids. My Aunt and Uncle did not have children. I think they liked children. And I know my parents loved a week without their children.

During one visit, while my Uncle takes my older brother out driving my Uncle’s sand rails around the sand dunes, my Aunt takes me to the grocery store. I was five. In the store my Aunt relays to me that my Mom has sent a laundry list to her of all the foods I do not like. My thought: Excellent work, Mom! I was a highly finicky eater so I attribute this act as wise counsel on my Mom’s part.

My Aunt asked me how in the world hamburger made my list? Future vegan? Not quite. But I did not like hamburger. So my Aunt buys hamburger much to my chagrin and tells me I just haven’t eaten her hamburger yet. I haven’t eaten mice yet either but I don’t need to in order to know I won’t like them.

When it is your child being a coy smarty pants, that child is precocious. When it is someone else’s child being a coy smarty pants, especially when you do not have children, that child is begging for the Joan Crawford treatment. Thankfully, my Aunt was a pacifist.

My Aunt makes lunch for me. And I sit at the table staring at some meatloaf-ish type dish. I can’t eat it. She subscribes to the theory of try one bite. I put the smallest fragment of meat on one tine of the fork. This does not qualify. She also subscribes to this theory: you will sit there until you finish it. I assess my situation and get clever.

They have cats so I began luring the cats over under the table and believe they will eat this entire serving of meatloaf surprise. I do not pay enough attention to my own cats at home to realize there is reason cat food is flavored like tuna and not cow. They also have a tiny dog. Or what I like to call a cat in a doggy costume. Her name is Myrtle and that foolish dog won't eat the hamburger either. Don't dogs eat meaty flavored snacks? What is wrong with these animals? We had two Airedales at home that would eat aluminum cans if you dropped them under the dinner table.

So, I devise another plan. I am tiny but I can see the window about four feet above the kitchen table. The window is open so as my Aunt busies herself and turns her back, I catapult bites of my lunch out the window. I take my time as to avoid appearing too obvious in my sudden change of heart.

She comes into the kitchen and I make deliberate acts of patting my mouth with my napkin. ALL done! Oh, SO good. She looks at me for a minute. “Did you get enough to eat?” she asks.“I did. Thank you.”“Are you full?” she asks with a smile.“Pretty full. Not too full for a trip to Dairy Queen down the street for a chocolate dipped ice cream cone but pretty full of hamburger.”“Ok. I have just one question.”“Yes, ma’am?” I respond as my innocence sparkles through my eyes. “Do you know why there is a pile of hamburger in the kitchen windowsill?”What!?!?! My heartbeat races as my eyes expand. Early indication I have no poker face.

What I had failed to notice because of my tiny size was that in fact, the kitchen window was NOT open. Because our windows at home were all sliding windows, I didn’t know that awning windows can jut from the house and have a four or five inch windowsill. Sure enough, in the windowsill was a pile of hamburger meat.

“Sorry,” I say because clearly, I can’t blame the cats or the worthless meat-hating dog. And I am quite nervous she is going to tell my parents. And what I did was quite terrible. She agreed there would be no more hamburger testing. I promised not to do it again.

If only those animals liked hamburger my ruse would have met with great success.

I am sure this reminded my Aunt of just one of the many reasons they chose not to have children.

grew up in a house where you had to try everything...used to take lima beans like pills...my borther coated his potatoes once in pepper...and they made him eat every bite....wish we had a dog i could sneak it to...

I have been forcing Punky to eat things against her will for many years now. Much to her chagrin, she has discovered that she actually likes many of the things I've made her try, so she no longer has any chance of getting away with not trying stuff.

When I was a baby, I had an aunt who was always impeccably dressed and just a LITTLE BIT better than my mom, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. My mom told her that I did not like peas. My aunt cooed, "she'll eat them for me." My aunt shoveled the offensive peas into my mouth and, if my mother is to be believed, I stored them in my cheeks until they were quite full then spit them all over her without a thought to how expensive her outfit was. I was mom's favorite that day...

In my case it was an egg salad sandwich, tossed over the back patio fence of the neighbor who was babysitting me, and who left me alone for a brief time, thank goodness. I did not get caught. Due to a roommate who would not take no for an answer, now I like egg salad, but don't get me going on brussel sprouts.

How funny to visualize all of this! My Dad was the same way, he tried to make me sit there and endure a cold meatloaf sandwich onetime...I liked and still like meatloaf, but not cold meatloaf...ever!! Your experience reminded me of the time my Mom went shopping and Dad was watching us...he fixed us lunch and my sister didn't want her sandwich. He told her she had to finish it, and I guess he thought she did until he saw that she had thrown the sandwich remains under a damn Arborvite tree!!! That was a good choice Molly, since there are no branches around the bottom to hide them!!! ROFL, she got in soooo much trouble!!I replied to your request in my blog, so glad you came by!

I don't think people could cook as well then as they do now. I know my mother didn't make one edible meal my entire childhood. I didn't eat a lot of foods either because of it. And if a dog won't eat meat .....there must be something wrong. If hamburger is greasy...Yahhhh!

I was surprised that her pets would turn down your offerings though. Our family dog did get smart with us at the dinner table after we pushed our luck in dropping one too many lima beans, but meatloaf was an easy sell.

I love this story Jenny. Does your Aunt remember it?It reminds me of the night I sat and starred at a plate of liver. I refused to eat it. And in the morning, it was back for breakfast. What was my father thinking?

well, all I can say is this: if the dog wouldn't eat it, it must not be worth eating! never, ever, have I met a dog that would not eat meat of ANY kind! so it must have a been a smart move of yours to try for the window toss!! =0)

I never tried flicking my unwanted food out of a window. I was...okay, am a picky eater and there were many meals growing up that I just couldn't stomach. Tater Tot Casserole,,,to this day, the mere mention of this dish triggers my gag reflex. My go to trick for cleaning my plate? Napkins, nice big napkins. I was eventually caught but not for awhile!!

Nice try, JM. I have to say, thankfully, I was never forced to eat anything I didn't like. My mom was made to sit at the dinner table, crying, for hours until she finished her liver and onions (which her sister finally took pity and ate for her), so i guess that's why she didn't force food on us. I consider myself lucky in that regard.

hahaa!! awesome! i bet your aunt secretly thought that was hilarious! i used to hide my sandwiches in the air vent in the floor. my gran plan worked fabulously until the house started smelling of rotten bologna.

Great story! I was a horribly picky eater as a child, and I have awful stories of people who MADE me eat things and lived to regret it for various reasons. I swear I will never force a child to eat something.

Fabulous! I remember a similar incident at my grandmother's. I packed my mouth full and popped into the bathroom and proceeded to clog the toilet with apple pancakes. I loved her giant apple pancakes but foolishly told her I wanted Five... no human could actually eat that many of the giant cakes and especially not an 8 year old... I din't want to tell her I couldn't do it. Yeah that wen really well!

This post is hysterical! I would cram as much offending food as I could into my mouth, and then would excuse myself to the bathroom where I would promptly spit the food in the toilet and flush.

I thought I was so clever; until the day the toilet got clogged and my grand scheme was revealed. (Though now that I'm older and wiser, I've gotta believe that my parents and grandparents knew what I was doing way before the toilet incident.)

I have 2 cats for ya. They eat everything. They will reach and whack your elbow with their paws as you try to eat. Pathetic beggars. They are free. All I need is a mailing address. I ship next day. Shuush dont tell the wife.

My oldest never liked hamburger meat when she was younger....not in anything, spaghetti, burritos or even a plain ol' hamburger. Now she rarely eats a hamburger but she would eat spaghetti and burritos every day if I let her

At my house you ate what my mother made or you didn't eat at all. Also, you wouldn't be sitting down for a week as she would as soon bust your butt as look at you. Yet, she has been known to feed her grandchildren cake and ice cream for breakfast.

Oh, that is fantastic! One of those things that you only try once. Actually, I think you have quite a few of those one-time experiences in your repertoire!

I had a habit of keeping food I didn't like in my mouth and not swallowing it until I had to...my mom used to call me chipmunk cheeks. I am not quite sure why I did that now of course, swallowing would have made the taste go away faster.

Wow you had really good aim! If I was that good I could have chucked my grandmother's overcooked brussel sprouts directly into the houseplants instead of hiding them in the underpinning woodwork of the massive, carved oak table first.

Sweetie, you get extra points for inventiveness. Cats are seldom worth anything when you need an accomplice. The dog, however, should have been ashamed. ;-)I can honestly say that no body ever put food in front of me that they knew I didn't want and didn't like and told me I had to eat the whole thing. However, I certainly did have to taste everything. So I have to know, do you still dislike hamburger?Cause you haven't tasted MINE. HAHAHAHAHA!

Kudos to your aunt for not losing her cool! Can't say I would have been as nice about it had my niece done the same thing. (Although I don't know that I would have tried giving her something she hated, either).

My youngest brother (12 y.o.) and I (10 y.o.) stayed with my (childless) uncle and his g/f for a week when the parents went to a conference in WA. They were vegans and mom had bought out food. No meat to respect their choices but my brother and I loved (at the time) P&B.

So the g/f and I are in the tiny kitchen. She opens a can, pours it into a pan...then fills the can with water. Before I can stop her, she pours the water into the pan and starts stirring. I told her it didn't need water and she asked, "It's not soup?"

I knew she could read because she eventually went onto to become a Paralegal. We survived on their homegrown lettuce (in a salad) that night but, believe me, we weren't happy about it!

My kids have become experts at slyly swiping broccoli and other undesirables onto the floor before I notice. I always clue in when I hear the dogs munching away under the table. Punks. But I'm a vegetarian, so I don't force the meatloaf/burgers! :)

When I was a little kid, I was picky AND had no appetite, thanks to some medical stuff going on. Yet I was the daughter of a woman who had spent her life eating too much. My lack of interest in food drove her CRAZY.

Mealtime was a power struggle. I was told that I had to sit there until I was done and sometimes that meant 45 minutes for half a sandwich. Having no pets or even siblings to pawn the food off onto, and not being smart enough to throw it out the window (LOL!), I became a pro at stuffing food in my cheeks, much like a hamster, just so I could be done and leave the table. I'd still leave some over...which my mother then ate. And then, when I was an adult (who finally had an appetite), my mother blamed ME for her weight problem. HA!

:) You aunt didn't have a "real" dog that much is for sure! So you think you might of been the one that kept them from the "joys of parenthood"? That would be as bad as being the one that turned a guy gay.

I can emphasize with the tater tot hater.. ugh... and can recall my older brother "eating his peas" (he and I still hate peas) by slipping them into his tall glass of milk. He got caught and made to eat them "the way they were" before he could leave the table... he was still out there at 4 AM.

I had (have) quite my own share of food issues. I did not eat a hamburger until I was sixteen years old. I specifically remember my mom's best friend's house and them telling me I had to eat a carrot before I could go play. I don't think I ever ate that carrot. To this day I have a hard time trying new things. It's a total mind block. I don't WANT to be picky I just am.

GAH I have a bad taste in my mouth just thinking about the stuff I was made to eat (and finish - I was not as smart as you) as a child. Now I canNOT eat egg salad (that is NOT salad!!!) or potato salad or any other mayo based salads. Guck.