10. Bible similar to Tory policy if you skip stuff on helping the poor and sick, says Cameron

Prime Minister David Cameron has revealed that he is committed to Christianity apart from all the bits about helping the poor and sick, and definitely excluding the part where Jesus throws the money-lenders out of the temple.

With Christians everywhere suffering a crisis of faith following Mr Cameron’s insistence that he is one them, members of the clergy face a difficult run up to Christmas trying to explain to their congregations how the last 18 months of a Tory led government is in any reflected in the teachings of the Bible.

In a speech in Oxford on the 400th anniversary of the King James Bible, Mr Cameron insisted that government policy was regularly guided by the words of the Bible.

“The Bible focuses quite heavily on forgiveness,” he said. “Surely no-one can deny how quick we’ve been to forgive the bankers,”

Apart from the problems pointed at above, Cameron also can't come up with a coherent policy on dividing state schools by faith. He's all for it, and continues to want more faith-based schools, and yet decries 'state multiculturalism':