I will always be me~https://amnafatani.wordpress.com
Everything I write today expresses me today.. it can change tomorrow but it will still represent me..Sun, 30 Jul 2017 17:18:18 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://s2.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.pngI will always be me~https://amnafatani.wordpress.com
Concussion, Day II.https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/11/24/concussion-day-ii/
https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/11/24/concussion-day-ii/#respondMon, 24 Nov 2014 14:00:33 +0000http://amnafatani.com/?p=288]]>Every day I wake up and I forget that I am injured. I try to stand up and am quickly faced with two not very subtle reminders. My wobbly knee refuses to hold me straight and I fall straight back into my bed, and an ear splitting headache hits my head. I am left with the feeling that my brain is about to explode, and slowly I look around and realize that I am alone and nobody shares my pain, and I struggle to keep a tear from rolling down my face.

I close my eyes and start breathing deeply, my heart rates start to slow down to a normal human rate and I fade into sleep.

Ten minutes later I’m awake again but this time I am smarter, more aware. I start to slowly lift my body up into a seated position. This takes me about 4 minutes. I close my eyes and try to slow down my heart rate once again. The headache kicks in but this time I am smarter. “Stop thinking,” I say to myself, “don’t exhaust yourself.”

I remember that I need to take my medicine. My friend is sleeping on the bed next to me but I don’t want to wake her up. “I can do this.” Slowly, I limp across the bedroom to the living room where all my medicine is, and take them back into the bedroom. I carry my water bottle and sit back in the bed. One by one, I take all the pills that are supposed to ease my pain. I am unconvinced that they work, but I have no other options and the pain in my head is becoming unbearable.

Maybe more sleep is needed, I think to myself, as it is only 8 am. I lay back down and close my eyes. I relive the moments that led to the fall in which I ended up with these injuries. I can’t help but imagine scenarios that could have led to much worse conditions. I am thankful. My head is spinning. I am not allowed to exhaust my brain but somehow I can’t stop thinking, worrying, contemplating and reflecting about every aspect of my life.

I look at the mirror in the far end of the room and see the hideous scars on my face. “The scars will heal,” my friends have told me, “it isn’t that bad.” with the most dubious looks on their faces. I am still thankful. I have always believed that my brain is my biggest asset and even though the brain trauma and concussions are a serious issue, I know that with enough rest my brain will heal. I am more confident in my brain than in my face, and I am thankful.

I start thinking about all the people who are not as lucky as I am, who don’t have the opportunities, the connections, the money and the systems to support themselves the way I am able to. I am thankful but sad. Why haven’t we been able to resolve issues around inequalities in the world?

I close my eyes once again. This time, I tell myself, I need to completely rest my head. If I am ever to be impactful, I need to restore all my brain functions and so I need to stop my thoughts. I go to sleep with one happy thought; when I wake up, I will be one step closer to going back on track with my life mission.

]]>https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/11/24/concussion-day-ii/feed/0amnafataniBetween Mexico and Saudi Arabiahttps://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/08/05/between-mexico-and-saudi-arabia/
https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/08/05/between-mexico-and-saudi-arabia/#commentsTue, 05 Aug 2014 19:14:57 +0000http://amnafatani.com/2014/08/05/between-mexico-and-saudi-arabia/]]>Juventud Utopía is a local organization based in Cuernavaca that has been directly involved in the development of the poor and indigenous Chiflón community since 2010. Their future plans are to continue building more stable housing for the community, make them more “livable” by painting murals on the walls of the houses, continue to support La Esperanza with fundraising events and educational activities for the children, and build environmentally conscious orchards for the members to grow and cultivate their own produce and help them build sustainable microbusinesses and enterprises that could support their shift from the drug industry to more legitimate sectors. Utopía depends on grants and awards to secure funding for their projects as well as university students who volunteer with them to complete a social service mandate to get the work they need done.

I am in Cuernavaca working with Juventud Utopía with three main tasks; the first is to teach critical and philosophical thinking to the school children, the second was to give an extensive course of critical and philosophical thinking to the university volunteers who will work with Juventud Utopia in their development projects next year. And the third is to create an evaluation system for the development projects Utopía is implementing/ planning to in the next 5 years in Chiflón.

Before coming here I read many development blogs that talk about the importance of being empathetic, patient and most importantly modest with the communities you work with, but this is the first time I had to really challenge myself to really drop who I was back in Saudi Arabia (along with the standards of living in Saudi Arabia) and live with these children in their own circumstances. To really immerse in conditions of poverty and understand them is truly a humbling experience, which has given me many insights on the problems that face the poor of Morelos, how it shapes their interaction with their democratically elected governments and their understanding of the importance of their education and political participation to improve their situations. My past experiences have always been to educate the young people of middle and upper income status in the politically starved society of Saudi Arabia, helping them improve their personal freedoms with restricted participation in public life.

The children at school, university volunteers I instructed and my colleagues at Utopía have each taught me a thing or two about the different aspects of life in Mexico, and whether they intended to or not, my interactions with them have been extremely educational for me both personally and professionally.

]]>https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/08/05/between-mexico-and-saudi-arabia/feed/1amnafataniIntroducing the Chiflón de los Calderos community and childrenhttps://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/08/04/introducing-the-chiflon-de-los-calderos-community-and-children/
https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/08/04/introducing-the-chiflon-de-los-calderos-community-and-children/#respondMon, 04 Aug 2014 20:10:46 +0000http://amnafatani.com/2014/08/04/introducing-the-chiflon-de-los-calderos-community-and-children/]]>The Chiflón de los Calderos community is based in the eastern Colonia of Chula Vista in Cuernavaca, the capital city of Morelos, the second smallest state in Mexico. I had the pleasure of being a small part of the development of this community, through working with the students at the “La Esperanza” (“The Hope” in Spanish) elementary school at Chiflón de los Calderos. The residents of Chiflón are of a native indigenous background; they speak Nahuatl, and are fairly poor and marginalized in Morelos.

Chiflón de los Calderos main street

The first day I attended at La Esperanza, the teacher asked me (politely, but firmly) to introduce myself to the students in Nahuatl. “Notōcā Amna”. I didn’t understand then but came to realize that he was illustrating a part of his culture through this request, pride. The indigenous communities in Mexico have been for a long time and still for the most part a marginalized population in Mexico and all of Latin America, yet that didn’t stop them from being proud of who they were. That was why it was important for him that I introduce myself in Nahuatl (and later end up taking some Nahuatl classes) to the children, who as it seems want more than him to be part of the “mezcla” Mexican culture that is dominant.

Building bridges with children

Although my job was clear and I had prepared the lesson plans like I always do, teaching critical and philosophical thinking to indigenous children was a more challenging task, partly because their thinking style was far more advanced than those of their age and they always surprised me, and partly because their thinking style was very different. These children did not only know what they wanted out of life, they were also very appreciative of the opportunity to be at school, whilst their siblings and most of their neighbors children were in el centro selling products to the passers by, in order to make a living for their families.

Selling donated clothes to the community members to raise funds for the school

The children were very genuine in their wanting to learn and the conditions in which they live in, the everyday struggles of securing food for everyone and having a good nights sleep are very real and the children are aware of them. One of the students will complete grade 6 next year, and says he insists on both going to school and working after hours so that his family may never have to go back to the drug industry again.

I thought it would be easy to repeat a class that I had taught for four years in Saudi, however, the different contexts of each country, the cultural differences as well as the economic conditions of my students made my experience as educational for me as it was for them.

]]>https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/08/04/introducing-the-chiflon-de-los-calderos-community-and-children/feed/010338239_719748278085165_489955508704087416_namnafataniChiflón de los Calderos main streetBuilding bridges with childrenSelling donated clothes to the community members to raise funds for the schoolOne Year Laterhttps://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/one-year-later/
https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/one-year-later/#commentsMon, 26 May 2014 08:55:09 +0000http://amnafatani.com/2014/05/26/one-year-later/]]>Last year, I got admitted to and accepted an offer to start a Masters degree in Global Human Development, and during the summer prior to leaving Jeddah to start a new chapter of my life in the States, I decided to make the last moments of myself in this place, the one I call home, as memorable as possible. Meeting new people, connecting with old friends, exploring new places in town and going on adventures were part of my daily routine. I wanted Jeddah to remember me, as I want to remember it: authentic, lively, beautiful and loud.

And by the time I left Jeddah, I was intoxicated with its beauty, stimulated from its people and overwhelmed by its culture. No other could be called my home.

I’ve learned a lot in the last 9 months of living independently in the States, what it means to be truly independent as well as the importance of interdependence and responsibility. Through the interacting with my peers there, I learned to let go of things that used to get me worked up, and which I now see as trivial and “not worth it”.

In fact, as more time passed by, I started becoming less and less worked up by human interactions. I’m not apathetic but I’ve clearly taken a step in that direction. And when I came to realize my indifference I was not bothered by it.

Coming back to Jeddah for a few weeks, catching up with all the friends I made throughout the years, having the same conversations after we had all grown from last year, I realized one thing. I have a long way to go. There is still so much of life to live, so much maturity and wisdom to be gained, so much love to give, so many ideas to create.

The causes I had been adamant about working towards are no longer what keep me up at night, and I feel that I have yet to experience many more natural human experiences before I can say that I get it, I get what life is about and what I should strive for.

And with those thoughts, I start my summer, ready to embark on a new adventure and journey of love, knowledge, passion and simply put “life”.

]]>https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/one-year-later/feed/2amnafataniOn sectarianism and discriminationhttps://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/07/11/on-sectarianism-and-discrimination-2/
https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/07/11/on-sectarianism-and-discrimination-2/#commentsThu, 11 Jul 2013 11:07:31 +0000http://amnafatani.com/2013/07/11/on-sectarianism-and-discrimination-2/]]>I’ve been working with a local theatre group here in Jeddah that tackles social and other types of oppression.

The current project we are working on focuses on the sectarian discrimination and profiling. This is a specifically sensitive topic since while there are no laws that allow or encourage such discriminatory behaviour, also there are no laws that condemn and punish it.

And whilst the majority of people living in the West coast of Saudi are from the Sunni background, we are scarcely exposed to the mental and emotional state of mind of the oppressed ones, or so we thought.

After conducting interviews with individuals from different sectorial backgrounds and listening to their stories, I realised how in one way or another I could relate to most of them conceptually. After all, oppression is oppression and discrimination is discrimination, regardless of what it is fuelled by.

These actions that are more subtle and hurtful in nature than explicit laws that discriminate, have a great impact on our behaviour patterns and the way we can tackle such discrimination.

Most stories were filled with feelings of having to defend yourself in front of the majority. Don’t we as Muslims face that when bombarded by our “Western” counterparts with questions about our identity, or having to defend the extremists that belong to our religious backgrounds? Although mostly the questions come out of pure curiosity and clean intentions, we sense the pressure it creates inside us and can sometimes be very indirectly oppressing.

Another thought that crossed my mind while listening to the stories is how stereotypes and myths about people different to us become part of our faith, deeply encrypted into our mentality and way of thought, as if we can’t help but feel that there must be some truth to it, however absurd they are.

And if we think we are smart enough not to let these thoughts influence our behaviours, we should think again. Small words that we throw around and are part of our cultural discourse carry such sectarian thinking and in some cases incite hate, and without our realisation, we are part of a generation that was raised to be cautious around those different to us, to wait until they eat from their own food before we can eat it ourselves, to harass those we are comfortable enough around with questions about why their rituals are different to ours and confront their beliefs.

The ways people find to discriminate against each other are tormenting to say the least. You lose your humanity every time you look down on someone, whatever the reason is, you must keep the value of human the highest, and all other qualities follow.

People get very creative in showing others how superior they think they are. In reality, this superiority complex is what makes you less. Less superior, less worthy, less human.

]]>https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/07/11/on-sectarianism-and-discrimination-2/feed/1amnafataniWhat’s been going on 2.0https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/02/27/whats-been-going-on-2-0/
https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/02/27/whats-been-going-on-2-0/#respondWed, 27 Feb 2013 19:49:06 +0000http://amnafatani.wordpress.com/?p=182]]>I have some exciting news! After a long procedure of admission; applications, interviews and whatnot, I’ve finally been offered a place of admission in Georgetown’s School of Foreign Service’s Global Human Development Masters program. I’m so excited as GU’s SFS graduate school has been ranked number one in international affairs according to Foreign Policy’s 2012 list of top ten international affairs Masters program’s.
This will be a new chapter, interesting turn in my life and a huge step for my career plans.
A new life awaits me. As scary as it is exciting.
I will miss my family and my friends (all of whom have promised to visit) and I will miss the financial comfort of living in Saudi Arabia.
Spending the last 12 years here have spoiled me, but I’ve also missed out on so many things this new chapter of my life will entail.
True independence, not just financially, but especially psychologically. I’ll have to make my own decisions and be entirely responsible for them (which I realise most people my age around the world are), but living in this financial comfort and in my parents home has kept me from making any economic mistakes thus not learning from them.
I’m excited about the people I will meet, the friendships I will make, the connections I will have.
I’m super thrilled about the degree I’ll be taking! To be able to work with international organisations focused in development of mankind has been a life goal for me, and now I will be able to take real steps in that direction.
The academic political literature that I will be exposed to, the prominent faculty members whom will mentor me, the internship on the ground, are just some of the things that keep me from sleeping at night.
But with all that, a piece of my heart will be left in Saudi Arabia. Jeddah, while not the place I grew up in, is the place I learned how to grow up. Jeddah has witnessed the many transformations I have been through, changing majors, changing life paths, meeting the best friends I’ve ever made, it is home to my beautiful organisation and it is where I first fell in love and went through my first heart ache! I will always look back to my years here and smile.
Life is taking me to special places and I feel fortunate and grateful.
All is good.]]>https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/02/27/whats-been-going-on-2-0/feed/0amnafataniThe seed that I planted #intellectjeddahhttps://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/02/16/the-seed-that-i-planted-intellectjeddah/
https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/02/16/the-seed-that-i-planted-intellectjeddah/#respondSat, 16 Feb 2013 09:32:50 +0000http://amnafatani.com/?p=164]]>You plant a seed, you invite others to help you grow that seed, nourish it and care for it as if it were their own.

One day you wake to find that a grand tree has replaced that small seed, a tree that has fed so many hungry people with its ripe fruits.

And now, you see those people taking the seeds out of the fruits and planting them for others to feed from.

That’s the beauty of planting a seed, such a small and tiny thought can bring light in so many peoples lives.

That is what Intellect Jeddah is to me, I still look at it and see a seed, a tiny idea that I planted once and with the help of so many people in the past four years, today I know it has grown into a magnificent tree that has helped many people enlighten their minds and broaden their perspectives.

If for any reason you don’t know what I am talking about, please check out our website, where you can download a brief about IntellectJeddah in both Arabic and English and read about our mission and how you can be part of it.

All the support and care is appreciated, because, now you see, this seed doesn’t belong to me anymore. It belongs to the Earth and the people.

Love, peace and freedom.

]]>https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/02/16/the-seed-that-i-planted-intellectjeddah/feed/0amnafataniFeelingshttps://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/feelings/
https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/feelings/#respondTue, 12 Feb 2013 21:28:52 +0000http://amnafatani.wordpress.com/?p=163]]>Sometimes I stay up late at night and wonder about my future. It seems that every time I make a plan something goes wrong, or someone lets me down.

Should I start disregarding people’s roles in my life?

Will it always be just me?

Life has given me countless opportunities to make myself happy and every time I try to seize them I end up getting hurt instead.

Do I give up on myself?

I keep telling myself the best is yet to come but some nights, like tonight, I’m just not feeling that optimistic.

]]>https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/161/feed/0amnafataniOn Societal Supporthttps://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/02/06/on-societal-support/
https://amnafatani.wordpress.com/2013/02/06/on-societal-support/#respondWed, 06 Feb 2013 09:50:55 +0000http://amnafatani.com/?p=155]]>Saudi Poet and former columnist in Al-Bilad Newspaper was detained on 12 February 2012 after King Abdullah ordered for his arrest “for crossing red lines and denigrating religious beliefs in God and His Prophet”.

We’ve all heard the story of Hamza Kashkari, who after publishing 3 tweets on the day of the Prophet Mohammed’s birth, describing his unique relationship to the Prophet, was faced by threats and assaults to his family and house in Jeddah. He fled the Kingdom to Malaysia, who captured him and extradited him back to the Kingdom where he has been detained for almost a year now without trial.

A group of human rights activists have set up a website, with F.A.Q.’s in Arabic about their campaign to promote the right of freedom of speech for Hamza and other “Opinion Prisoners”, some of whom have been held captive by authorities for years without trial.

Whilst there were many people who were offended by the tweets Hamza had published, and whilst some of them still think he had done wrong, I can’t think why anyone in this world would think it fair that Hamza and the others have not been taken into trial, nor has there been official charges against them all this time.

He is a young man, who at 23, fought for many people’s rights and freedoms through his poetry and articles. Yet, now, a year later after his detainment, few people care for his own rights and freedoms.

Let’s prove that humanity is still somewhat intact, and society can indeed support its people and care that even those we may disagree with, we will always advocate their own rights and freedoms as we do our own.

I wish for Hamza and other innocent prisoners to be freed, guaranteed their rights and have the chance to live a life of freedom and support.