What to Get Donald Trump for Christmas

Is a selfie toaster in Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump's Christmas future? Here he speaks at a campaign event at the Veterans Memorial Building in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, December 19.Scott Morgan/Reuters

Poor Santa. With so many deserving kids to take care of, there's no time to devote to the grown-ups—or the many presidential candidates. So with our hearts full of the spirit of the season, here are some gift ideas for deserving candidates. What they are deserving of, well, that was the challenge.

Marco Rubio

As the senator with the highest absentee rate, a copy of the Four-Hour Work Week to help him make the most of his time in D.C.

His own credit card

Ben Carson

A signed first edition of An Introduction to the Archaeology of Ancient Egypt

A subscription to Foreign Policy magazine

A parachute for that long drop in the polls...

Ted Cruz

Director's cut, Revenge of the Nerds

Bernie Sanders

Junior Monopoly, so he can find out what it's like to be a capitalist

Whatever everyone else gets

Chris Christie

LEGO George Washington bridge, now with closeable lane action

Donald Trump

A make-your-own tortilla machine, because there is little chance a Mexican person is going to ever again make him a tortilla—or a necktie

For a man who so obviously enjoys himself, a selfie toaster. How better to start the morning than staring at your own face in a piece of toast?

George Pataki

A supporter. Just one. It has to start somewhere…

Martin O'Malley

A Fender stratocaster guitar. Time to go electric, bro.

Mike Huckabee

Who needs position papers? This talking teddy bear speaks bible verse and would make a great veep

Carly Fiorina

Board of investors action figure set

Battery-powered baby doll with its heart beating, its legs... KICKING! (This item not yet available in stores)

Lindsey Graham

10,000 G.I. Joe action figures

Rand Paul

A "dumbass" GoPro

Laughing gas

Jeb Bush

A paint-by-number "Hang in There" kitten picture, perfect for home or campaign bus.