The vegan blokes blog

Conversation stopper

06 Oct 2017

Conversation one.
Walking back from a meeting with two colleagues, when they ask a question:
Colleague One: “So if theoretically,” …I always get antsy when conversations start with the words theoretically…” if we stopped drinking milk, wouldn’t the cows be in trouble with all the milk they are still producing?”
Me: “Not really, they only produce milk, because we constantly impregnate them, to meet the demand, we, namely you create .”
Colleague One: “What? I thought they just keep producing milk naturally?”
Me: “No…we artificially impregnate them”
Colleague two: “How do they do that”
I proceed to explain and describe using my hands
Colleague two: “Stop fark…I don’t want to hear that shit”
Colleague One: She has been quiet for the remainder of the conversation; you can see a big penny has dropped its ass on her head. “Wow, I didn’t realise that…but hell it makes sense, just as it would be for humans?!”
I wink at her and pretend to shoot her with an imaginary pistol …pew…pew… pew…got you.
Conversation two.
I am with my Infantry brothers, waiting for the OCs (Officer Commanding) meeting to start. We are watching King Arthur Legend of the Sword. The guys are watching the opening battle scene. Arthurs’ dad, Uther Pendragon rides into battle with his horse and leaps a huge chasm to land on a big ass Elefant…while his horse plunges to the ground.
Army brother: “Fark that’s cool”
Me: “Why the fark did he have to jump with his horse and then abandon it…what a cock”
My brothers look at me and shake their heads.
Army brother: ”Bro thanks for killing the mood”
I shoot them all with my imaginary 9mm Glock…pew…pew…pew. Everyone leaves, leaving me alone smiling like a Cheshire cat.