Post by overcomer on Mar 4, 2011 13:26:28 GMT -8

I just started my N/C bec I have slipped in between weeks.I returned here bec I need your support.I totally believed now that N/C is the main tool for recovery fromLA. Therefore I hope to keep N/C all the way.

PS: Most of your advices here esp the ones you gave to me before I have copied and pasted to my BB notes for review and/or as a reminder to me. Thank you for being helpful and supportive!

Post by overcomer on Mar 4, 2011 22:47:01 GMT -8

Post by overcomer on Mar 6, 2011 9:03:34 GMT -8

Thanks to GOD WHO is my STRENGTH and the help of this board, my N/C is so far so good.I'm excited to have my vacation soon so I have more things I can enjoy.Bec where I am now has limited options and being here reminds memore of my ex-POA. I just started my N/C so I need to "break away"from this place at least during my 1st month of N/C.

Post by overcomer on Mar 8, 2011 1:29:30 GMT -8

paisley: Yeah I agree w/ you that it's a case to case basis. Even for me N/C is what I need to do w/ this particular person only at this point in time. In the future, like next year or so, I don't know if she becomes healthy, apologize, reach out to me, probably I might respond a bit or something. But for now it's definitely N/C for me all the way.Thanks for sharing! : )

Post by overcomer on Mar 8, 2011 9:31:37 GMT -8

Post by brainhealth on Mar 8, 2011 14:39:07 GMT -8

No Contact - all the way!: I have to remember that my POA made it easy for me not to return calls - when she last dumped on me almost 4 weeks ago, I was at work and unable to give her the attention I normally give. I said I had to go and finish up as it was late in the afternoon - I said I'd call her back later - and she said , "oh no, don't , don't call me". This was an incredible statement - never before had she said anything like this in 14 years. Also, I am a net receiver of calls - I rarely initiate contact - so, this statement was all the more shocking -I received two calls last week- but had my phone set to silent as I was in meetings most of the days. For the first time ever- I didn't return these calls. I'm thinking is this the right decision or not? Will I regret this? Will I be kicking myself in a few weeks time? And yet, I know this is the correct decision. She told me quite definately not to return her call that day in such a strong way that I cannot possible ever forget the experience. This discussion arena is very helpful to me in keeping my resolve. Thank you everybody.

Decide where you want to be, then take the steps to be there. But, most important of all, believe that you can get you there.

Post by brainhealth on Mar 11, 2011 18:50:36 GMT -8

Aarrgggg...... I'm back to where I started 2 months ago. I'm so annoyed with myself. My POA had made three attempts to contact me over the last week. I had my phone on silent/offline mode to avoid speaking with her. NC was going very well, particularily no initiated contact by me. But after the last missed call, guilt set in and I broke the golden rule and called her. I am so annoyed with myself because I was doing so well. I thought I was breaking out of the cycle.

To me, this love addiction is like an elastic band. I try to escape and as I make progress, the band extends out, stretches as far as it will go and when I am almost out of my mad addiction, I get a tel call or series of calls that test my resolve, make me feel guilty and then I make that contact again or take that call, thereby the band snaps back into place and I am under the influence of the love drug again.

Like the spider in the Robert Bruce story - I guess I have to start counting the days once again - Saturday, 12th March being day 1. I will only succeed if I try again, and again, and again, because the hurt she has caused me over the years has to stop. Writing about my failure gives me the resolve and the strength to be more determined next time.

Decide where you want to be, then take the steps to be there. But, most important of all, believe that you can get you there.

Post by overcomer on Mar 13, 2011 6:14:55 GMT -8

Brainhealth, I'm sorry to hear that. I understsand your feelings. It's really tough.Reinvent is right about it.I myself TRIED AND TRIED AGAIN MANY TIMES to stick it out.BUT ONLY NOW (This March) I finally succeed W/O ANY SLIP.So keep trying and learning and journal your feelings and note whatever you learn during your journey. Study what are your triggers and HOW TO REPLACE them w/ GOOD habits.Get busy w/ something you enjoy too. Change her caller ID to something that would discourage you from connecting and keep youon track such as "Pain", "deception", "Past mistake", etc.What helps me the most is I keep relying on GOD and then this board of course and I AM DETERMINED TO MAKE IT NO MATTER WHAT. No more excuse or delay for me anymore.I already hit the BOTTOM. I could not get any lower than those past awful moments w/ my ex-POA. So this is it. I'm SO GLAD I'm keeping it all the way now.

You can restart even by this hour. It's your choice. Believe you can do it w/ GOD's help.I wish you well!

Post by overcomer on Mar 17, 2011 7:33:47 GMT -8

WOW Brainhealth! Congrats for getting back on track! : )It's the best gift we can give to ourselves in this regard.Our communications w/ our ex-POA were one-sided and hurt us only.So we got NOTHING to lose but everything to gain w/ N/C. ;-)

Post by brainhealth on Mar 17, 2011 15:58:48 GMT -8

happyberry - I would never have thought of calling my POA , my exPOA - but today on another post I used "exPOA" subconsciously. Perhaps my subconscious mind knows what is best for me and the message of what I am trying to achieve is beginning to sink in. All I want now is for my subconscious mind to reprogram my brain chemistry to seek out and permanently destroy those cells in my brain which hold the thoughts of my (ex)POA . That would be a miraculous achievement. Thanks again everyone for the support.

Decide where you want to be, then take the steps to be there. But, most important of all, believe that you can get you there.

Post by overcomer on Mar 18, 2011 9:07:51 GMT -8

@hb: Thanks for the info but I don't get its exact similarity.Bec alcohol for me is like a "generalized" addiction such as w/o a brand name.While a POA is a specific or "specified" person. So I was thinking once I'm"over and done" w/ a person it becomes an "ex". Just like an ex-bf, ex-mate, etc. : )

Post by leebriar on Mar 18, 2011 10:37:50 GMT -8

I have also heard people refer to themselves as ex smokers or even ex drinkers after they have stopped. I never have taken that to mean the addiction goes away but that is just how they refer to something they used to do but dont anymore.

Post by brainhealth on Mar 21, 2011 10:40:32 GMT -8

Well, I'm back on track -9 ays now with no contact. I am finding it very very lonely - not recieving calls from my POA - last time she called (she called 3 times over a period of 6 days) and I did not reply, after the 3rd call I texed her and reminded her that she had asked me not to contact her. She texed a reply saying that she was very busy and that's why she had told me not to call and was I overreacting? I replied , no, i didnt think so, but that's its a woman's world - (when a woman tells a man not to contact - it would take a very naive man to run against this instruction) - I got no reply to this text. I then rang the following morning because I felt awful about this and apologised for appearing to be awkward but tried to explain being my rationale which I honestly felt to be the case - My POA then told me I was too sensitive -

I feel that I have made a bit of a gobnutse of myself- by texting her - but she had to know why I wasent returning her call. For reasons i can't disclose - I am not prepared to outrightlytell her to get lost - but she is my POA, my addiction, my comfort blankett - but she holds the cards as to when we communicate - Whenever I call most times there is an issue about why she can't talk to me. So, over the last few years i have become a net receiver of calls.

Right now I feel like I am in a state of hell - deep loniness - self esteem at zero - and yet my logical brain tells me I will bounce back like I did all the other times.

I thought I was well on my way a few weeks ago, but God has a way of bringing one to heel -

I have to get this woman out of my life permanently but it is so damm difficult - all the experience with my previous POA's comes up all the time and I feel so low now that life itself seems worthless - i know i wont doing anything stupit but this woman is so ingrained in my mind , heart and soul that pulling her out is like destroying myself. I am in counselling at present - but my God, its a slow , slow process. If her number came up right now on my mobile I would answer it - it would be lioke a shot of morphine filling a need. But, I have my mobile in offline mode - that way I wont be tempted to answer.

Sorry for dumping on everyone - I'm going throught a very rough period right now and have no where else to turn.

Decide where you want to be, then take the steps to be there. But, most important of all, believe that you can get you there.

Post by reinventmyself on Mar 21, 2011 11:37:25 GMT -8

Brain,I am sorry you are in so much pain. It gets worse before it gets better unfortunately. Find some comfort in knowing that you are on track. .even if it is painful and promise yourself that you don't want to have to go through it again.Post and post often. It gets very lonely. We understand.

Post by reinventmyself on Mar 22, 2011 9:19:19 GMT -8

You're too sensitive? According to her? Do others tell you the same thing?Just be careful. We tend to focus on something we think we can change in ourselves that might have changed the outcome. Especially when we are feeling alittle insecure.Anyway. . what if you are sensitive? Some of us are more than others. It's who you are.It will make more sense as things become clearer. Maybe it might be something to consider and work on. . but don't let something she said bother you. Heck. . anything they say at this point would be bothersome. When we are hurting. .we are feeling sensitive. .. periodHang in there!