space the final frontier of socialism

Fox News Threatened By Liberals’ ‘Socialist’ Efforts In Outer Space

You would think that if The Liberals decided to go off to outer space to do their thing, maybe accidentally never come back, get sucked down a liberal wormhole, Fox News would be happy, but you would be wrong. Fox News reports, via Space.com, that there is a new company headed by people including Google execs Eric Schmidt and Larry Page, as well as Titantic inventor James Cameron, called Planetary Resources, which just sounds socialist, and the company intends to take its billions and go off to some asteroid and mine it for minerals, because it is over us asking China for things. The minerals will apparently add “trillions to the GDP.” One asteroid contains more minerals than this one mineral company on Earth, Platinum Group Metals, has mined in all of history. But that doesn’t matter, this all gets Fox News’s knickers in a twist, because, after all, “to whom do those trillions belong — the company, or everyone?” Oh, you.

Continues the “reporter” of this article, who may be Newt Gingrich(‘s ghostwriter):

Does a private company have a right to stake claim to an asteroid, or are celestial bodies such as the moon, planets and asteroids the communal property of all Earthlings?

“Earthlings.” That is the logical first question in a situation like this, yes. Fortunately the article answers its own questions, and reminds us that there is a law that may prevent dot-com billionaires and egomaniacal undersea explorers from profiting off rocks hurtling through space.

The most pertinent piece of law is the Outer Space Treaty (OST), an agreement signed or ratified by all spacefaring nations in 1967, which established, among other things, that no nation may claim sovereignty over space, the moon or celestial bodies.

Then the article author found another person to ask, who reads the law quite differently. Art Dula (sounds like a socialist), a space law professor at the University of Houston, thinks Planetary Resources can definitely go ahead and mine that asteroid. Why? Because we have better things to worry about. Oh, but also, because, “The 1967 Outer Space Treaty specifically permits the ‘use’ of outer space by nongovernmental entities. There is no suggestion in the treaty that commercial or business use would be prohibited.”

So despite the fact that half the sources quoted in this article tend to believe the law leaves asteroids to “the people” as opposed to the states or the federal government, per the 10th Amendment, Fox News decided to “syndicate” the article from Space.com (cut and paste it legally and then go relax in a lawn chair), but first swap out the slightly less hair-raising headline and go with, ‘Liberals Push Socialism In Outer Space,’ which also conveniently means that if people don’t read the article, they can still vote it as “OBNOXIOUS” in the little “Fox Nation Thinks This Post Is…” area, which they have. [Fox News/Sacramento Bee]

You didn't buy it from a Ferengi, did you? You can't trust those guys.

BaldarTFlagass

Maybe they can track it down while they're out there and send it back to you here at the Earth. Hope it's not too big, though. We've learned how that worked out for the dinosaurs.

SorosBot

Now, the dinosaurs were wiped out by a freighter sent to crash into the Earth and destroy humanity in the future by the Cybermen, which was sent back in time 65 million years thanks to the Doctor's attempts to stop them and instead hit the Earth in the past, killing the dinosaurs and that annoying whiny twit Adric.

Here we have a private venture deciding to make a profit by mining minerals in space…you know, where pollution can't copme back to haunt us?…and suddenly FOX Is all touchy-feely "our beautiful celestial neighborhood"?

Geez, when did they start wearing girl-panties over on Sixth Avenue?

I mean, unless it's worried that Cameron might lob a few space rocks down on FOX News HQ. Cuz that could suck, and the best response they would have would be to ban "TITANIC" from FX for, like, ever.

Generation[redacted]

By definition, everything Obama supporters do is socialism.

Now, Trump Tower on the Moon, that's capitalism!

CapnFatback

May the force be redistributed amongst you!

UnholyMoses

Wait — so some fuck at Fox believes that asteroids and other "celestial bodies" are the property of everyone?

The most pertinent piece of law is the Outer Space Treaty (OST), an agreement signed or ratified by all spacefaring nations in 1967, which established, among other things, that no nation may claim sovereignty over space, the moon or celestial bodies.

Meh, we'll just stick a flag on the asteroid and call it ours anyways.

Planetary Resources is in for a big surprise, because I just bought the entire asteroid belt. Got a good deal on it, too – the guy who was selling it was asking $100, but I pointed out how broken up it was and talked him down to $20.

Anyway, guys, it's private property now. You want to mine, you have to talk to me.

LastGasp

“… to whom do those trillions belong — the company, or everyone?”

Why that's the kind of question Socialists ask.

freakishlywrong

Didn't they all melt down and have big fat baby tantrums over the shuttle program ended by Obama Bush? Now the invisible hand wants to go in to space and mine for minerals and that's soshalizms? The fuck?

Will it be okay with them if we send Rutger Hauer and the other skinjobs to do the mining?

gullywompr

They wanted to go with the headline "I Had Obama's Alien Love Child", but the photoshop guy was in the restroom at the time, and they had to hurry to get the scoop on CNN.

MissTaken

Maybe Fox News should contact the heads of Planetary Resources, Google execs Eric Schmidt and Larry Page, and ask them how to Google the word Socialism. Fox News may find the search results enlightening and the exact fucking opposite of this.

I look forward to Fox's round condemnation of private companies who try to buy up water rights in Third World countries – after all, don't the precious natural resources of Earth belong to all Earthlings?

Haha, just kidding, not the brown ones, obvs.

ttommyunger

They don't quite realize that a man who hasn't had water in three days is fucking fearless.

Finders keepers! First one to the asteroid gets it. And the fucker is worth trillions.

Beowoof

Ah the conservative philosophy, its mine gimme that and fuck all the others who have just as much right to it as I do, cause they don't have no rights.

Beowoof

The most pertinent piece of law is the Outer Space Treaty (OST), an agreement signed or ratified by all spacefaring nations in 1967, which established, among other things, that no nation may claim sovereignty over space, the moon or celestial bodies.

Please this law says nothing about Corporations and they will be in charge when this stuff starts to happen and they will make all the money off the bounty of the Universe. The only prime directive for those guys is get your hands off my shit or I will shoot you.

Doktor StrangeZoom

Keep on fucking that astrochicken.

ttommyunger

Can we send Steve Doocey to check it out first? Please?

GregComlish

Google: Keep your government hands off my asteroid!!

Beanball

The people at Fox news really have no clue whatsoever how fucking stupid they are, do they?