93 year old mom was moved into nursing home against her will. What can I do?

My 93 yr old mum was moved to nursing home recently against her will because she was considered high risk at home. She has become very aggressive and fearful. Although she can be confused she can really focus on what's important. She calls me names has packed her bag and demanded a taxi to take her home. She tells the nurses they are holding her against her will. I know all this is true but in the past when she returns home she begins doing crazy things like trying to light an electric fire with firelighters. She tells me I am evil and my heart is broken because I see her struggling. What can I do?I try not to visit because it disturbs me and mum. I imagine her pining away. She has lost half a stone in one week with trousers nearly falling off her. She tells me she will die if left. In the past I have rescued her but this time I feel I can do no more. I have helped care for her for 20 yrs now and the surprising thing is she has better health than me. My dr tells me to leave her there. He reckons that the only solution is for the home to use medication to quiet her otherwise she will end up with noisy patients who have Alzeimer's which she does not have.

Answers

MikeinWisconsin ~My only comfort is knowing God has said "kindness to a Father (or Mother) will not be forgotten". Keep doing what you know in your heart is the right thing.~ This is the best focus to have!!!! Do not lose this thought. While I was writing my post you posted yours. See how that worked, I am here for you If I can help... I happen to have gotten experience with all of your issues the deed, the VA, court for guardian ship. I need more details though. Guardianship is only needed if you can not become a Power of Attorney. If he refuses to sign you as his POA or if he's be found by court of law incompetent. The VA has great benefits for saving the home and possibly caring for him there you may get benefits from the VA if he qualifies. The deed is an important issue but If you can explain in more detail maybe I can guide you in some way. I know much about the minor or major deed and rules applying for help or resources.

Why was she considered a high risk at home? Can she care for herself at all eating,showering, dressing, hygiene? There must be reason for her admittance, who signed her into the NH? There has to be good reason for this. This doesn't mean the only option is a NH. How do you know she does not have dementia? It does not really seem it from what you said here but... my Mom was admitted by me to NH but her first day they had not a clue of why she was there, she looks great, physically can out walk/run Forest Gump and can carry on conversations without a flaw( if you don't know the real story that is). With that... she can't remember if she ate, where the bathroom is, what day it is etc. She spent time in a mental health facility until they were sure she was either getting 24/7 care in safe healthy environment (impossible unless bars on doors and windows) so only choice was the NH. Upon her release to NH they wanted to make sure of care plan and who was responsible for the issues that follow or go with admittance. Money who's paying or taking care of documents etc. Sometimes it is impossible for care at home even with an aid 24/7. I/we are here to help if possible it's a lot to take in and many details you may not be aware of. In the USA they can't force a person to be committed unless they are in harms way. More details may help us to help you and Mom. keep us posted.

Angela, I am struggling with the same dilemma. 88-year old father keeps falling at home. Lives alone in a very rural town. I live 5 hours away. He's been the hospital and rehab more in 3 years than he's been home. He doesn't understand or won't accept his limitations. He's in a Veteran's Administration care center recovering from his last fall and broken collar bone, but nursing home is the next step. I have to take him to court to get guardianship because of his early dementia and inability to properly care for himself. VA tells me he's on meds as needed to keep him calm, but his anxiety keeps growing. He's left me in a total mess with how his property is deeded, meaning I don't know how we'll pay for a nursing home. Breaks my heart to do this to him when he seems 'normal', but reality is he can't properly take care of himself. It has to be this way...I tell him at least he's safe and is being looked after, even though he's so unhappy. Please know you're not alone. I know this doesn't help much, I keep hoping / wishing tomorrow will bring a better day. My only comfort is knowing God has said "kindness to a Father (or Mother) will not be forgotten". Keep doing what you know in your heart is the right thing.

Sorry about your mom, but I've never heard of anyone skipping and singing into a nursing home, but that doesn't mean they don't belong there. Did you ever consider Adult Foster Care instead of only a nursing home? We had really good luck when my father-in-law needed care but we didn't want to go the nursing home route. You might ask around the nursing home to see if there's a section where people aren't suffering with Alzheimers, and move her. Sorry again.

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