Timothy Boissey

Aspiring Screenwriter

Reviewer Rating:

Screenplays: 6

Reviews: 8

Enjoys:

Short Bio

Optioned screenwriter (Canyon Road Films), who is based in Los Angeles, with over a decade of film/tv industry related experience.
Recently commissioned to pen a union feature film, RUN WITH ME RICKY. The project is currently in development. https://pro.imdb.com/title/tt5670296/filmmakers
Previously worked in development for ROSTER FILMS, where I developed shorts into features as well as perform rewrites on existing material. http://roster.la/team/
Founder and executive of NEW MONOLITH (based in LA), where I oversee everything from pre-production/development to post-production.
Previously worked as an executive assistant for top companies such as NBC and ENDEMOL SHINE.
Degree from UNC Greensboro with a focus in creative writing and theater.
Skilled and accomplished in screenwriting software, such as Final Draft, Celtx, and WriterDuet.
I have written 10 screenplays (both features and pilots).

Recent Activity

The characters, in my opinion, are not developed enough for this story to be believable. There are more questions as to why anyone is doing what they are doing in the story than there are answers. Why is Kate there? She's having an affair with Leslie's husband...why would she go? There could easily be something in the opening scene that directly expresses that. Kate's there, so there should be a very strong reason for that. Why is Leslie doing this? To find someone to take care of her husband? Or to get her husband's lover to commit murder? Either way, it doesn't matter because in the end her mother obliges and there's no resolution to any of the problems Kate has to face. Leslie should have a very strong motivating factor for wanting to specifically have Kate end her life. The relationships between these characters aren't fleshed out enough to really get invested in their lives. Where do Kate and Frank work specifically? What type of cancer does Leslie have? Frank entering seems like bad timing. Is it? Or did Leslie plan on them being in the room together? It feels like there is a missed opportunity for a little drama to take place at that moment. Frank doesn't act like one might think a husband should act when confronted with his lover in front of his dying wife. Why does Leslie want flowers? Is there a significance for the flowers? Why would Kate return the next morning? Out of pity? Did she really have that strong of a connection or feel that remorseful? Then there needs to be a line to address that emotion. What kind of mother kills their own child? That's an interesting character that has no rhyme or reason to be there other than to kill her kid. There are stronger choices to make that will satisfy the story and the reader better. What's the message in this story? Is there a message in this story? Is there some kind of lesson the reader should be learning? Is this just for voyeurism? Too many questions by the end of the script and not enough resolution. Giving each character specific backstories and then clearer motivations will certainly help strengthen this script. If the mother is there to put her daughter out of her misery then there should be a line to clarify. Something simple and direct would suffice.

This story makes no sense what-so-ever. It is completely unbelievable that any woman would say "yes" to a marriage proposal by someone so creepy, immoral, obtuse, and chauvinistic. This story has no rhyme or reason. As the reader, we DO NOT want her to end up with someone so terrible, and you deny your audience that by making her choose something completely impossible.

Jane's motivation to leave her abusive husband is clear, but why she pretends to work at the hotel and cover up a murdered young woman is not. Right there, in the story, you have a problem because her decision to stay and hide the body isn't believable. She's supposed to be on the run at this point, why is she staying? Mr. Harrington doesn't add anything to the story and is a little out of place, his appearance causes the pace to suffer. Why does the man finally reveal himself instead of just waiting until Jane leaves to get his coat? Why would the murderer want his face seen, wouldn't that be the opposite of what someone would do if they're hiding? The man gets away, and it's hard to believe that he would turn around just for lust. The way it ends with her murdering him and then the reveal that she's on the run because she murdered her husband is pretty clever but it isn't executed to its full potential.

This script was fun to read with an original concept for time travel that's both bizarre and humorous.
Elvira's motivation is to get a job. That is motivating but there could be a stronger reason as to why she's so desperate to get a job, which will help raise the stakes and make getting the job even more important.
The idea that a customer's memory is wiped clean between the moments of time travel is clever and it adds a good twist to the ending.
Rudolph is the antagonist, that is clear enough, though it would serve the script immensely if he had more motivation beyond money and ill-will.
A simple example would be if Rudolph specifically targeted bad singers because he has sensitive ears.
Claire and Hans Fontaine feel "general" or "vague" as characters, you might think about enriching them a little by adding to their descriptions in the action and by heightening their dialogue to the level of pompous.

Screenplays

Feature

Draft #1 | Genre: FamilyWhen 12-year-old MODEST helps his friend ANSEL(12) escape the clutches of his drunken uncle, they lose each other in the mysterious redwood forest, where each of them sets off on a wild adventure in the hopes of reuniting.

Feature

Draft #1 | Genre: Action/AdventurePursued by deadly space kittens, the cosmos’s most notorious idiot and his nephew find a hidden stash of weed during their efforts to save the last members of a dying race of alien pugs.

Timothy Boissey

Aspiring Screenwriter

Reviewer Rating:

Screenplays: 6

Reviews: 8

Enjoys:

Short Bio

Optioned screenwriter (Canyon Road Films), who is based in Los Angeles, with over a decade of film/tv industry related experience.
Recently commissioned to pen a union feature film, RUN WITH ME RICKY. The project is currently in development. https://pro.imdb.com/title/tt5670296/filmmakers
Previously worked in development for ROSTER FILMS, where I developed shorts into features as well as perform rewrites on existing material. http://roster.la/team/
Founder and executive of NEW MONOLITH (based in LA), where I oversee everything from pre-production/development to post-production.
Previously worked as an executive assistant for top companies such as NBC and ENDEMOL SHINE.
Degree from UNC Greensboro with a focus in creative writing and theater.
Skilled and accomplished in screenwriting software, such as Final Draft, Celtx, and WriterDuet.
I have written 10 screenplays (both features and pilots).

Screenplays

Feature

Draft #1 | Genre: FamilyWhen 12-year-old MODEST helps his friend ANSEL(12) escape the clutches of his drunken uncle, they lose each other in the mysterious redwood forest, where each of them sets off on a wild adventure in the hopes of reuniting.

Feature

Draft #1 | Genre: Action/AdventurePursued by deadly space kittens, the cosmos’s most notorious idiot and his nephew find a hidden stash of weed during their efforts to save the last members of a dying race of alien pugs.

Feature

Draft #1 | Genre: FamilyWhen 12-year-old MODEST helps his friend ANSEL(12) escape the clutches of his drunken uncle, they lose each other in the mysterious redwood forest, where each of them sets off on a wild adventure in the hopes of reuniting.

Feature

Draft #1 | Genre: Action/AdventurePursued by deadly space kittens, the cosmos’s most notorious idiot and his nephew find a hidden stash of weed during their efforts to save the last members of a dying race of alien pugs.

Recent Activity

The characters, in my opinion, are not developed enough for this story to be believable. There are more questions as to why anyone is doing what they are doing in the story than there are answers. Why is Kate there? She's having an affair with Leslie's husband...why would she go? There could easily be something in the opening scene that directly expresses that. Kate's there, so there should be a very strong reason for that. Why is Leslie doing this? To find someone to take care of her husband? Or to get her husband's lover to commit murder? Either way, it doesn't matter because in the end her mother obliges and there's no resolution to any of the problems Kate has to face. Leslie should have a very strong motivating factor for wanting to specifically have Kate end her life. The relationships between these characters aren't fleshed out enough to really get invested in their lives. Where do Kate and Frank work specifically? What type of cancer does Leslie have? Frank entering seems like bad timing. Is it? Or did Leslie plan on them being in the room together? It feels like there is a missed opportunity for a little drama to take place at that moment. Frank doesn't act like one might think a husband should act when confronted with his lover in front of his dying wife. Why does Leslie want flowers? Is there a significance for the flowers? Why would Kate return the next morning? Out of pity? Did she really have that strong of a connection or feel that remorseful? Then there needs to be a line to address that emotion. What kind of mother kills their own child? That's an interesting character that has no rhyme or reason to be there other than to kill her kid. There are stronger choices to make that will satisfy the story and the reader better. What's the message in this story? Is there a message in this story? Is there some kind of lesson the reader should be learning? Is this just for voyeurism? Too many questions by the end of the script and not enough resolution. Giving each character specific backstories and then clearer motivations will certainly help strengthen this script. If the mother is there to put her daughter out of her misery then there should be a line to clarify. Something simple and direct would suffice.

This story makes no sense what-so-ever. It is completely unbelievable that any woman would say "yes" to a marriage proposal by someone so creepy, immoral, obtuse, and chauvinistic. This story has no rhyme or reason. As the reader, we DO NOT want her to end up with someone so terrible, and you deny your audience that by making her choose something completely impossible.

Jane's motivation to leave her abusive husband is clear, but why she pretends to work at the hotel and cover up a murdered young woman is not. Right there, in the story, you have a problem because her decision to stay and hide the body isn't believable. She's supposed to be on the run at this point, why is she staying? Mr. Harrington doesn't add anything to the story and is a little out of place, his appearance causes the pace to suffer. Why does the man finally reveal himself instead of just waiting until Jane leaves to get his coat? Why would the murderer want his face seen, wouldn't that be the opposite of what someone would do if they're hiding? The man gets away, and it's hard to believe that he would turn around just for lust. The way it ends with her murdering him and then the reveal that she's on the run because she murdered her husband is pretty clever but it isn't executed to its full potential.

This script was fun to read with an original concept for time travel that's both bizarre and humorous.
Elvira's motivation is to get a job. That is motivating but there could be a stronger reason as to why she's so desperate to get a job, which will help raise the stakes and make getting the job even more important.
The idea that a customer's memory is wiped clean between the moments of time travel is clever and it adds a good twist to the ending.
Rudolph is the antagonist, that is clear enough, though it would serve the script immensely if he had more motivation beyond money and ill-will.
A simple example would be if Rudolph specifically targeted bad singers because he has sensitive ears.
Claire and Hans Fontaine feel "general" or "vague" as characters, you might think about enriching them a little by adding to their descriptions in the action and by heightening their dialogue to the level of pompous.