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Saturday, March 22, 2014

Life Up-date! Or - A lot of Hard Work for Nothing!

Last Monday I posted about the major life changes happening in my life: Doug's new job schedule, Bethany's wedding planning, my Mom's Alzheimer's and move, and the rearranging that was underway in our house in order to make my mother more comfortable after the move. Well, on Wednesday I received another major shock: my brother went to my mother and convinced her not to move to SC and live with Doug and I, but rather to move in with him! Of course he did this without discussing it with me so I was completely shocked when my mom told me on Wednesday that she was not going to move here.

I had discussed my mother's situation and move previously with my brother, who told me that he did not want my mom living with him because he did not want his young son exposed to my mother's decline. He had actually mentioned putting her in a nursing home, so imagine my surprise when she told me she was going to live with him! My brother actually never did tell me that he wants my mom there, rather my mom told me that his partner, the mother of his son, wants my mom there. He also knew that my mom preferred to stay closer to his son and her home area. But still, I found his behavior rather high handed and I was left with may questions and trust issues.

I spent the first 18-24 hours in shock. I spent the second 24 hours attempting to understand my brother's motives. I do not think he has a real understanding of what they are in for as he was absent through much of our grandmother's Alzheimer's. I know I should view this decision by my brother to move my mom to his house as a blessing for me, but I cannot help but have reservations and distrust his motives. Finally the third day I decided that while there was nothing I could do about the change of plans, I could implement a few watch dog safety measures and hope for the best. Hopefully I will relax if I see that she is indeed happy there and that everything is as it should be.

Yesterday was my 54th birthday and the day I finally made peace (as much as possible) with the new situation. I spent the day relaxing and being pampered by my husband. (Have I mentioned recently how wonderful Doug is and how much I love him? He is such a good man!!). I began the long process of putting my scraproom back together and preparing the guest room for painting. As of tonight, my scraproom is almost returned to normal - though with a less cluttered closet and more organization and without the planned bed move, and the guest room is ready to be painted. Of course then my daughter and her fiance backed out of painting this weekend after they found out that my mom would not need the room right away. Grrrr. I just want my house back to normal. After the painting I plan to move a lot of the wedding boxes to the guestroom closet.

Doug spent a big part of the day working in the yard and I spent a big part of the day working in my scraproom. We think a nice dinner from Ruby Tuesday's and leftover cake and ice cream will be a perfect end to our mutually long day.

With my scraproom almost back to normal, I will be back on Monday with a new Bitten by the Bug 2 project to share. In the meantime, I am posting photos of the flowers Doug gave to me for my birthday (I could not think of one thing I wanted other than flowers!) and the birthday cake he surprised me with last night!!

5 comments:

And this too shall pass. Susan, I know the thought of what you were in store for was overwhelming, but daughter's usually step up. As for your brother, I would keep a close watch, too. The fact that he went behind your back speaks volumes. Prayers with you and your family.

Wow Susan, you have been through the wringer! I'm so sorry all this has been piled on you and then snatched away after so much hard work. They say everything happens for a reason, although it is hard to see why. I would keep a close watch on your brother as there seems to be an hidden agenda there, but for now enjoy having your crafty room back. I can't believe that he went behind your back like that, and that speaks volumes for his character. Why does family have to be like this?! Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs cause you need them!

I guess that I would also think about the fact that, being a guy, he might not even realize he 'went behind your back...". It is possible that he knew this would be hard for you, that your mom wanted to stay closer to her home, and that if his partner was willing this might be a better solution. Sometimes guys just really don't understand the 'talking it out and making a mutual decision' thing. I hope all this works out for the best...

I am so sorry that you are having such family issues right now. I think it is wonderful that you were willing to make your mother a spot in your home. I hope everything works out for you and your Mom. My prayers are with you.Hugs,Caroline