September 28, 2010

I have been victimised.

Not by an aggressor, but by a system, and more sickeningly, by myself.

I was just in the taxi on the way home recently (45 min ago) and the taxi uncle struck up a conversation with me about how many new roads there are now compared to when he was a young boy, and how passengers are ‘interesting’ in how they decide which route the taxi uncle should take, and sometimes assume that the taxi uncle would take.

Blah blah blah.

We were going down Ophir Road toward the ECP and he commented in Mandarin, “You know, this road didn’t even exist. I grew up here and I could memorise every road there was in this area. See this Raffles Hospital (points), this was where people dried stuff (I’m guessing produce like shrimp, fish etc?).”

He rattled on. And my mind drifted.

In the past year, I was consumed by the system. Overwhelmed. I tried so hard to twist it, bend it, fold it, just so it could fit me. By me, I am referring to my working style and my peculiarities (I don’t want to say ‘bad habits’). (Damn I said it.) Not once, did I try to fit myself to the system, and focus on the things that mattered: Quality of Relationships, Quality of Conversation, Quality of Collective Thinking, Quality of Results [Core Theory of Success]. I somehow happily allowed myself to be immersed in the never ending process of fighting a virtual battle with an enemy, that’s not even the real enemy, at the expense of my own experience, and those I took charge of.

I bitched. I trash-talked. I joined others in bitching, trash-talking. Worse, I let it get the better of me.

But the past 2-3 months have been fantastic. I have seen more, understood more.
I realised that there are so, SO many wonderful resources out there that are available to everyone. But I wasn’t aware of them, I wasn’t educated about them, and hence, I didn’t USE them.

But what’s exciting is that now, I do know. And thanks to those who have helped me understand what the **** all those things are, I’m ready to use them.

“You see, even this ECP used to be on water. So much has changed,” says Mr. Taxi Uncle.

Right then, I started to appreciate all that we had. As a nation, there’re countless opportunities and growth for us and the ones we care about, which is that much more worth defending, that much more worth fighting for. As an organisation, there’s a plethora of systems that allow us to perform better. Sure, these are not perfect. But what is?

Whenever I drive into SAFTI at night and go down the Runway, I turn down my headlamps to make it seem as if I’m really on a runway. But at the end there’s always that granite wall, lighted from the bottom with those 5 words that reminds me where I am: Home. Not just any home. But the Home of the Officer Corp.

I have been rescued. That’s for sure. And I am determined to take all that I couldn’t give in the past year, compact it, roll it, stuff it into a ziploc bag and squeeze all the air out. So that when it’s time for me to release it, it’ll be explosive.

Bali will be a good 3 days to rejuvenate my mind, body and soul, so that I’ll be ready to take whatever comes my way.♦
♦
♦