The Musings of a Writer, Photographer, Mother, and Survivor

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Miles to go before I sleep

I just got back from vacation in D.C. and Maryland. Since it’s a common place for us to frequent when we leave town, there was no real need to take in the monuments or museums- the more touristy stuff has already begun to lose it’s novelty and sparkle. This trip was more about gaining insight into life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. Seeing friends and family, relaxing poolside, and observing the diversity of a world very different than the one I live in daily- all these things have inspired reflection and taught me some very valuable lessons I’ll never forget.

My brain has been on overload lately with the weight of the world. Many people go through this stage in life. Many people don’t. Since I don’t have kids or an immediate family to focus on, I sometimes feel as though the needs of the many weigh me down more than it does most. There happen to be some serious issues in this city, state, country, and world that desperately need focus and attention. I’m just one woman. How can I make a difference?

One of the things that I’ve always felt strongly about is, when something weighs heavily on your heart, it’s for a reason. There is always a reason. Maybe we’re meant to do something, say something, be something different, make a change, be a change, or focus on being a helping hand upward and outward. There is always a reason why things weigh so heavily, and for so long sometimes. I’ve pretty much had the same few things on my heart for close to a year or more now. Some of the things that need my time, attention, and focus, are things that have been bothering me for over a decade. I’ve come to the realization that I need to do something about it. I’m unsure as to what that is.

Have you ever had that strange sense that something big is coming? Big changes, a big event, a big opportunity? I’ve been feeling this way for the past several months and it grows with intensity. In meditating, I’ve come to realize that my heart and my mind are merging to create new paths and new ideas, as well as new discoveries about myself and the people around me. There is a reason why I’m a leader, why others seem to see my genuine nature and want to follow in my footsteps. It’s always been natural for me, it’s always been in my spirit to lead others in a quest for greatness. Something big is coming and not just for me.

Now, the “old” me, would have stopped and worried and wondered and pondered exactly what all of it means. I would have worried and cried, gotten stressed out about it, shut down, opened up, and looked back just to recognize that the something big has passed me by. Not this time. This time the something big is of my own creating, my own choosing. The something big is a part of my desire to make significant changes to the way we do things. We as in humanity. We as in me.

The “new” me is ready, researching, learning, growing, and electrified with anticipation. My greatest fear is, when the opportunity comes, I won’t be nearly ready to grab onto it with both hands or be knowledgeable enough to recognize it for the true potential it will have to change my life and lives around me. It’s a fear. Fear is not rational. Excitement is. For the first time in about as long as I can remember, I feel truly fearless and confident in knowing that a game changing SOMETHING is coming.

A lot of things keep me going. This poem by Robert Frost is inspiration, letting me know that work needs to be done, and as a leader, it is my job to ensure it gets done.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

BY ROBERT FROST- 1923

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound’s the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

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It would be great to stop right here where it’s simple, quiet, and beautiful, before I get to the destination waiting for me. But through the snow, through the woods, through a tough and arduous journey, I’ll get to where I need to be, before my final resting point. This life was not given to me in vain, to squander or waste. This one precious life was given to me so that I can make a difference, so that I can help be an agent of change. The journey has been full of ups and downs, bends and turns, twists, and unexpected holes that suck me down. But I’ve been through the roughest times and managed to be here, now, present and accounted for. That makes all the difference in the knowledge that success is attainable, greatness is here.