Chapter Two

Ryan’s mobile phone rang out and he
snatched it up greedily.Contact from
the outside world was always a valid respite.

“Alright,
man.”It was Shaun.

“Greetings.”

“Feeling
alright today?”

“Positively
sprightly,” Ryan replied flatly, purposely cryptic for the benefit of the
prying ears of the office.

“Yeah,
me too.Bit much for a Monday wasn’t
it?”

“Something
like that.”

“Especially
after the weekend we’ve had.But anyway,
get motivated.There’s an unsigned night
on at the Roadhouse tonight.”

“Never
been to a signed gig, to be honest with you mate,” Ryan said, a self-satisfied
grin spreading across his face.“I
didn’t think deaf people really went to gigs!”Maggie looked up, disapproving by default, probably hoping that her
children would turn out to be nicer than Ryan.

“You
make me piss, Ryan, I assure you.I only
keep you as my friend because you are the funniest man in Manchester.”

They
both laughed.

“I’m
gonna decline, mate.I’m knackered.”

“When
did you grow old?We made a pact,
remember.Two workplace hangovers a
week, minimum.You gotta keep the spirit
alive!Get ‘em in early this week and
you can drink cocoa with your parents until Friday.”

“I
knew there was a reason why my mother hates you.”It was absolutely untrue, but for the
purposes of a put-down anything was fair game between the two of them.

“Not
what she said last night,” Shaun retorted.

“Predictable!”
they said in unison and laughed again.

“Come
on, mate, you must be used to people saying no to you,” Ryan continued.“Just accept the rejection in the good faith
you usually do.”

“By
getting a ‘Ryan Pendlebury is a loser’ t-shirt made up?Start me a cult following.”

“There
you go, you have something to do tonight now!”

“Twat!”
Shaun chuckled and hung up, leaving Ryan tempted to go out in spite of the
irrepressible nausea that had blighted his day.Shaun only had limited free evenings because of his bar job, and this
often left him out of tune with his friends and their nine-to-five work-life
balance.For once, though, Ryan planned
to be sensible.He had been out four
nights in a row under the influence of at least alcohol.Tonight was all about loafing; something he
could do much more easily when he was at University and was allowed to smoke
weed in the house.Besides, if he did go
out, it would be sure to draw some barbed remark from his mother.

Ryan
couldn’t understand why his mother still worried. When he lived away from home,
all such fears for her sons health had diminished, but the moment he returned
she had regressed by three years.Whenever he left the house, he was once again expected to give details
of who, what, why, where, when and how to account for his whereabouts.It was nice to be loved, of course, if a
little stifling.The need to move out
had been creeping up in Ryan for a while now, and he was hoping to move in with
some of his friends once their contracts expired, so that they could go back to
the way things were.

Ryan
firmly believed that the best years of his life were behind him.The third year house that he shared with
seven of his closest friends had to be the peak.He and Shaun had found it wandering around
the student haven of Fallowfield; a vast Victorian terrace with a vibrant
cellar, great party potential and a widely fought over attic conversion.Ripley and Faye had been together for
eighteen months at this point and offered to share a room, whilst Jake and
Rhianna did the same.Shaun, Ryan,
Lucinda and Barry had rooms to themselves.This gave them a cheap rent and more money to enjoy themselves.A pack mentality had descended over the
group.Therein was a constant source of
entertainment and drama, and enough eclectic personality types to make for
great living.There were always guests
and impromptu gatherings.Always
exciting, always interesting.

It
was in dynamic contrast to the way things were now.Jake and Rhianna were out of touch, Ripley
lived alone, and Faye, Barry and Lucinda shared a place out in East Didsbury.Ryan was even further out, living back in Sale with his parents.They were dispersed and had to plan to meet
up now.Work consumed their time with
varying demands, and everything seemed like much more effort these days.Ryan saw Shaun the most, mainly because Shaun
slept on people’s couches in lieu of having anywhere permanent to stay, and was
therefore predisposed to needing to go out in the evenings, and he would always
call on Ryan to entertain him.Shaun was
quite happy with his living situation, where he would stay just long enough not
to wear out his welcome.Most of the
time, at least.There had been one or
two hasty departures, but overall he got by rather successfully.He had shed most of his material possessions
(well, he had left them at his parent’s house), and he was happy travelling
light.Ryan had been unable to convince
his mother to let Shaun stay with them, which had strained the friendship a
little a few months before.Shaun had
been in desperate need of a couch at the time but Denise just wasn’t
comfortable with the idea.He’d got
sorted eventually, but Shaun didn’t think Ryan had tried as hard as he could.

It
just wasn’t the same as when they were all living together.They had to make arrangements to meet up, and
most of them went their separate ways at the end of the night.Occasionally they’d head back with Barry and
the girls, but they all had to part at some point.They only got together en masse once a month,
and usually someone had to drop out for some reason.Ryan had drunkenly suggested that the six of
them live together on their last big night out, and it had been met with an
enthusiastic response.It was an idea
that had remained with Ryan into sobriety, and he had been making enquiries ever
since.

Ten
to.Packing up time.Ryan had managed to think his way through the
minutes, and he had barely noticed them creep by.He commenced the plod-along process that
involved washing mugs, last minute ablutions and making everything neat and
tidy for the next morning.He bade any
passing colleagues goodnight and headed to the door, clocked off and lumbered
out of the building.He wasn’t even
relieved by this point; just determined to get home as quickly as possible, get
to his room and immerse himself in some music.He looked rough and he knew it.Five days without a shave combined with creased clothing had made him
less than presentable for work that morning.His mother would make sure he knew it as well.It was definitely time to think about moving
on.

It
was the height of summer and Ryan’s mood was out of tune with the day.He was tired and jaded, and it was on these
days that he struggled to see the positives in his life.On these days it just felt like all of his
good times had been and gone, and he had let himself down when it came to life
decisions.

It’s unusual for people to remember
the first time they met somebody with absolute clarity, but Ryan could recall
his first meeting with Shaun with flashbulb accuracy.He had been nervous as hell on the day he
moved into halls, wondering what his new friends would be like, if he were
lucky enough to make any at all.That
had been a big fear, finding out that he was incapable of being interesting at
all.Ryan had confidence in his musical
tastes and his politics, but he’d never really thrown himself out there
before.It was hard to predict how well
he would be received.

Ryan had gone to
University with two goals in mind; to find out what he wanted to do in life,
and to find out who he wanted to be.The
latter, he believed he had achieved, but he still had no idea what he wanted to
do.He didn’t want to be tied to a desk
job for the rest of his life, but a viable alternative eluded him.Something in the arts would be great, but
everyone else seemed more qualified.Managing bands would be an ideal career, but Ryan had no idea how he
would go about doing it, or what skills he needed.Journalism demanded further study, and it was
competitive as well.Ryan knew that he
lacked the motivation, but he hoped that wouldn’t always be the case.

It
had been the same at University, really.They had led pointless lives, but their times were exciting enough to
justify their existence.Ryan had
discovered Ryan at University, just as he had hoped he would.He had moved into halls in the first year in
a conscious attempt to leave his mediocre childhood behind.At school he had managed to remain anonymous
at best.He wasn’t so bookish that he
invited bullying, nor was he cool enough for people to expect him to be good at
sports.He could talk to girls quite
freely, but he knew that he wasn’t to ask them out.He and his friends existed outside of the
high school hierarchy.Most people would
look back on old school photos and struggle to remember what their names
were.

When
he went to college Ryan’s horizons had broadened a little.He made a small impression on a wide range of
people, and allowed himself to be affiliated with rock music and gig-going,
alongside his high school friends Joe, Phil and Brian.And that had been the problem.As a group they were so insular that they
never tried to meet new people.They
were happy just being there, whereas Ryan always felt compelled to talk to the
characters that surrounded them.At
gigs, many wore their personalities as images, so complete and happy as they
were.Aesthetically, Ryan had nothing in
common with these people and that always prevented him from trying to strike up
conversation with interesting looking people.If he wanted to interact with others, it had to be with college friends
on mainstream nights out.By the time he
was seventeen, Ryan had felt that his life was constricted by those he grew up
with, and at that point he consciously decided to set them aside.