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Fix a Heart

This palace of my
mind is a hell of a scary place to be. Rather than at some random and strange
places on Earth, I got more terrified when I’m lost and stuck inside my own
head. It’s horrifying once I got lost and stuck inside my head; since it’s a
dark and for me personally, it’s the scariest place in this universe. Though this
head has the ability to rationalize things, when I got lost inside, I cannot
send the right signal to my heart. And when this happens, my broken heart
cannot get healed easily. When I got lost in the darkness of my head, it
consumes all of my heart too. And I cannot see or feel things clearly. People
say that even though some things do heal, a heart never completely recolors. Well,
is that true? I guess so. A heart isn’t broken by just a one-time occasion.
It’s because of an accumulation, instead. A heart doesn’t become fragile by
only a one-time broken heart. It’s because we never really know how to mend
those piles of heartbroken, instead. And the head, one thing that is supposed
to control the heart, is failing to help to fix it at times.

“It’s probably what’s
best for you, I only want the best for you, and if I’m not the best then you’re
stuck. I tried to sever ties and I ended up with wounds to bind, like you’re
pouring salt in my cuts.” –Demi Lovato, Fix A Heart

This song is titled “Fix
a Heart”, performed by Demi Lovato. It was released on September 20th 2011 as a
part of the singer’s third studio album, titled “Unbroken”. Though the song was
never been released as a single, the pop piano ballad track was included as the
highlight of the album according to some critics. It was written by Emanuel
Kiriakou and Priscilla Renea. I fell in love with this song since the first
time I heard it. Though it’s one of Lovato’s underrated songs, since it was
never been released as a single, “Fix a Heart” is my favorite track from the
“Unbroken” album. And she occasionally performs this song live on stage. I love
how Lovato’s husky voice blends well with the melancholic melody in this song.
It’s so heart-wrenchingly soothing.

"Unbroken" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

I always believe that
love heals everything. However, my experiences have taught me and made me
believe that relationship brings pain. At some point to some extent, love can
heal when relationship is breaking people’s heart. There are so many aspects in
a romance relationship between a man and a woman that can cause a broken heart.
And even though the love is there, it
doesn’t mean that we won’t be in pain while in a relationship. The act of love’s
manifestation that isn’t reciprocal can break our heart. And as long as we do
not come to a consensus, we will keep repeating the circle of pain. “It’s probably what’s best for you, I only
want the best for you, and if I’m not the best then you’re stuck. I tried to
sever ties and I ended up with wounds to bind, like you’re pouring salt in my
cuts.” Perhaps we got stuck with each other. Perhaps we could never really move
on from our painful past. Perhaps we’ve tried too hard, but perhaps we never
really have the will to fight. Perhaps we hope for too much, but perhaps we
always need more time to heal. Perhaps we’re just lost.

I always believe that
a healthy romance relationship is not a relationship without conflict, but
rather a relationship that is able to solve the conflict through communication.
“Even though I know what’s wrong, how
could I be so sure if you never say what you feel? I must have held your hand
so tight, you didn’t have the will to fight; I guess you needed more time to
heal.” And what’s more important is what happens after we communicate our
feelings. A willingness to fix what’s been broken won’t mean a thing without a
sincere act to actualize it. A willingness without an act will just create a
circle of pain; an ouroboros. And we got
stuck. Just because we can bandage the damage, it doesn’t mean that we can fix
the heart. What matters is in the inside, not on the outside. It’s not solving
the problems; it’s running away from it. And it’s just like a time-bomb waiting
to explode. “You must be a miracle
worker, swearing up and down, you can fix what’s been broken. Please don’t get
my hopes up, no, tell me how could you be so cruel? It’s like you’re pouring
salt on my cuts.”

I always believe that
love is a never-ending supply for band-aids. However, I also believe that as a
human, we all have a tipping point where we can or cannot tolerate things,
particularly, in this case, things to break our heart. And at this tipping
point, some people are just running out of band-aids; they’re out of energy, and
perhaps patience. And at this tipping point, the love is being tested, and so is the relationship. Are we really
willing to fix it, or are we just unconsciously buildingtime-bomb? “And I just ran out of band-aids. I don’t even know where to start, ‘cause
you can bandage the damage. You never really can fix a heart.” We can
bandage the damage, but can we really fix the heart? We know how to cover a
scar, but do we really know how to heal it? We know how to soothe the pain, but
do we really know how to mend it? We know how to deal with a broken heart, but
do we really know how to fix it? Bandage the damage without fixing the heart
will only pouring salt on the open wounds. It hurts to the bones. It’s
heartbreaking as hell.

A fan-art single cover for "Fix A Heart" | source: www.flickr.com

We build a romance relationship
not only based on love, but also trust, negotiation, agreement, and commitment.
We create our own concept of love’s manifestation and everything around it such
as freedom, boundary, tolerance, and rigidity. At some point to some extent,
the practice is not reciprocal. Hence, we find our heart is breaking apart here
and there even if we are in a romance relationship. At some point to some
extent, we find ourselves bending every now and then; we tolerate too much, we
let loose the boundary too much, only to find ourselves being in such a deep
pain and sorrow for our partner is taking it for granted. Truth to be told, we
all want the best for our significant other, right? Even when it means that we
would give all the freedom that they need to be, we will give it anyway. However,
it will be such a hypocrisy too if we are not being hurt when the boundary is
violated. Love is one thing, but the relationship is another thing. And after
all, it’s all a process. And it will always be an ongoing process for both
people in the relationship.

“And I just ran out of
band-aids. I don’t even know where to start, ‘cause you can bandage the damage.
You never really can fix a heart.” –Demi Lovato, Fix A Heart

It’s probably what’s
best for you, I only want the best for you

And if I’m not the
best then you’re stuck

I tried to sever ties
and I ended up with wounds to bind

Like you’re pouring
salt in my cuts

And I just ran out of
band-aids, I don’t even know where to start

‘Cause you can bandage
the damage, you never really can fix a heart

Even though I know
what’s wrong, how could I be so sure

If you never say what
you feel, feel?

I must have held your
hand so tight, you didn’t have the will to fight

I guess you needed
more time to heal

Baby, I just ran out
of band-aids, I don’t even know where to start

‘Cause you can bandage
the damage, you never really can fix a heart

You must be a miracle
worker, swearing up and down, you can fix what’s been broken, yeah

Please don’t get my
hopes up, no, no, baby, tell me how could you be so cruel?