DD is 6 1/2 yrs old and ANA to peanuts, tree nuts and sesame. I have always stayed for any of her friend's birthday parties. It was easy to stay in the past, since all the parents knew one another at her old school, so we'd all stay to chat, etc..

At her new school, I notice none of the parents stay for the parties. For the last 2 parties (held at indoor playgrounds), I have been the only parent who stayed. Which was ok in a sense, cause they were held in a public place.

DD is invited to a classmate's party which will be held at their home. I don't want to intrude upon the host parent, don't want to seem "weird" for being the only parent there, yet I want to stay to ensure that DD will be safe. I want to make sure her hands are clean before she eats, especially since the home won't be "nut-free", and in general, just be looking out for her. Of course, she/we will be bringing her own pizza/snack to eat.

I have already spoken to the host parent about my concerns, and DD's allergy, when I RSVP'd and she has said it is ok for me to stay during the party.

I guess my concern is the awkwardness of it all. What to do for three whole hours at the party in a stranger's home. Would they be annoyed that I'm there, feel like I'm interfering? I would appreciate hearing about your experiences and your views to help me alleviate my concerns and reassure me that I should be staying for this upcoming party. Thank you!

I have always found parents are MORE than happy to have me stay-they would rather me be responsible if something were to happen to my child. The last party my son went to I stayed in the car just outside their place with strict instructions for them to come out and get me if there were any problems (happy to do that as my son was a little older and more trust worthy-I supply all his own food and drink and he knows to only have that)-the parents were horrified that I wanted to wait in the car...but after I explained i was trying to give him a little independence and responsiblility they were more than happy to accomodate.
I actually hated having to stay not knowing anyone...but its really all part of having a child with lifethreatening food allergies-its the only way they get to go to parties so its worth it.
cheers

An old college had the perfect approach to awkward situations, an approach which I have since used with great success. If she had a zit she'd make joking comment about it, 'your eyes are glued to the humungous crater on my face aren't they?'. If she had a bad hair day, ate too much garlic at lunch (which was every day ) no matter what the circumstance she'd just make a direct joke at it.

Using humor to state the obvious sometimes is the best way to break the ice.

Becky and caz, I so could have wrote your reply...sometimes I wish those days were back....now the parties are a little different being she's soon to be 17 17 and there are other things to worry about as well. But I am cause I know she learned well on a lot of levels. I too did the wait in the car thing as we transitioned. I also had DD teach the parents and would chat to see how she did later. They always seemed very impressed with how she handled things and it seemed the whole party would get involved. People usually want to help and learn I find. Sanrio, I am going to give you my pat answer for any parent...you do what is right for your family and what you feel comfortable with...it will work out on your time.

We just went thru this with my 5 y.o. I talked to the host mom and asked if I could give her a hand during the party. I also made some cookies to bring along for the host family. I ended up having a wonderful time meeting this parent of my son's classmate.

There are so many variables in these situations. Things get difficult sometimes. We moved when DD was in Grade 4. I sure missed those relationships with parents that we had built when they were in the younger grades. Knowing no one was very scary but it has worked out in the long run. She and I had to go right back to the basic questions and she was at a good age to go over everthing again. Sometimes them just having a cat would be enough for her to not accept an invitation. And sometimes it depended on what cat and what house. (if you know what I mean). As the years have gone on, DD and I make a lot of cakes for other peoples parties. She usually finds out what their favouite colours are and we go crazy with icing. Usually people are glad to have that issue looked after and through the years some parents ask outright now without us even offering. They call me on the sly sometimes and it's a surprise for the Birthday Person. I LOVE THAT!

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