Queer Platonic Relationship: 25 Signs You May Be in One Already!

A queer platonic relationship is both intense and intimate, but it is not sexual. It is like finding someone who completes you.

A queer platonic relationship can go by many code names. Sometimes gender specific, they can be called bromances, Boston marriages, or romantic friendships, but they are all the same. A queer platonic relationship is defined in the Urban Dictionary as an adjective that describes an intimate and intense relationship that is considered outside the normalcy of a friendship.

It is a strong bond characterized by love, but not of a romantic type. Although to onlookers it may appear to be so. It may or may not have overtones of sexuality or eroticism, the cornerstone of a queer platonic relationship, is that neither party, even if they have feelings, ever acts on them. A severe and deep emotional connection, it has very little to do with definitions of sexual orientation or committed intimacy.

They complete you

Let’s admit it; we have all fallen in love with someone who we shouldn’t really have feelings for. What do I mean by that? We have all met that awesome friend who was either our mirror image or just “got us.” There are so few people in this world that you can truly call “friend” and who always have your back. For some, that doesn’t always happen in just a romantic relationship.

In a queer platonic relationship, the intensity and intimacy that you share with one of your friends provides you with more security and fulfillment than you get with the person you are committed to, married to, and having sexual relationships with. Not about sexual arousal, they are simply someone who completes you. You really can’t explain why. [Read: Platonic love and its revealing secrets]

25 signs that you are in a queer platonic relationship

To outsiders, queer platonic relationships aren’t normal and appear too close. The proverbial “bromance,” is the name that typically follows this type of relationship when it is guy on guy.

If you are in a queer platonic relationship, take heart. Don’t let other people tell you that it is unnatural or fear that what is going on defines a part of you that you hadn’t known existed. Take the closeness and connection that you have with another human soul and let it allow you to soar, be happy, and to find peace in your life.

#1 You get all giddy when you see their text message pop up. Like a little school girl, when you get a text from your queer platonic friend, you immediately think of all the possibilities that the text may bring.

#2 When you dress, you wonder what your friend will think. They say that women dress not for men, but other women. In a queer platonic relationship, that is definitely the case. You don’t want to embarrass your bestie, so you are concerned whether you are dressed appropriately when meeting up. [Read: 18 emotional affair signs you probably didn’t notice]

#3 You wonder if what you said was too much or too intimate. When you talk with your queer platonic friend, it can get really close and deep, really quick. Although it seems totally natural, once you are on your own, you think… too much?

#4 When something happens they are the first person you want to contact, even over your romantic relationship. You are so close that you know they will be as happy as you are, or as sad as you need them to be. That is why you have them on speed dial just in case the occasion arises.

#5 They seem to “get” you even when other people don’t. You are so close and matched so perfectly that sometimes they seem to be the only person who “gets” you. When everyone else is looking at you like you have a third nose, they look at you with understanding.

#7 If you have a free night you know who you want to hang with… them. Nothing is as much fun as being with your queer platonic friend. Your partner in crime, they like to do the same things, and nothing is ever boring or shallow because there is always something of value to take away.

#8 You feel weird electricity when you are together, but you really can’t put your finger on it. You get butterflies in your stomach, but not romantic, just excitement because you know when they are around things are going to be carefree and fun, not weird and awkward… ever.

#9 When you make plans, you look forward to them. There isn’t a time when you say yes and dread it. In fact, you make sure to put aside time allocated to just them and you alone.

#10 You kind of get jealous when they are talking about another friend. Nothing is harder on a queer platonic relationship than a third person. It isn’t that you don’t want them to have other friends, it is just that you don’t want them to have any other friends. [Read: Am I lesbian or bisexual? How to understand your true desires]

#11 You have weird nicknames for each other. Bromances and mutual girl crushes are based around calling each other weird names that just stick. Whether they were developed in middle school or in your 40s, it is a way that you both give each other the “we’re together” nod.

#13 People make fun of you because the attraction is obvious. You get the “bromance” or “girl crush” comment a lot or asked if there is a crush developing. That is okay, let them talk, you know what it is.

#14 They feel like the missing piece in your life. Sometimes we search for people to be close to our whole lives that understand us. A queer platonic relationship is like finding that connection that we have been missing as long as we can remember.

#16 You seem to have just about everything in common. Like everything.

#17 You don’t have to explain how you feel, they already know. Instead of spending hours mulling and rehashing, they tell you how you feel and make sense of it all instantly.

#18 You find yourself sneaking away to meet them like you are cheating, but you aren’t. Your boyfriend or girlfriend are jealous of your closeness, so you find yourself lying just to meet up and hang out. [Read: 20 unmistakable signs your friend is crushing on you]

#19 You put priority time away for them when you wouldn’t have anyone else in your life. You don’t have standard hours with your mom on a weekly basis, but you do for your queer platonic relationship.

#20 When with them, they make things all better. You don’t need a pint of ice cream, just a bottle of tequila and your bestest, best friend.

#21 You begin to talk like each other using the same catch phrases like you are back in middle school. You develop each other’s mannerisms and start using the same phrases in an adolescent annoying way without even realizing it.

#23 You notice that you are suddenly dressing alike without even trying. Too weird.

#25 Your significant other begins to see them as an issue in your romantic relationship. You know there is a problem of your overreaching queer platonic relationship when your significant other feels like they are in competition… and losing.

Queer platonic relationships are relationships we form with other people that are intense and exhilarating. Although something close to romantic, it isn’t sexual tension that you feel, it is just that you have a chemistry together that makes the whole room jealous that they don’t have it. [Read: The definition of queer – What does the Q in LGBTQ really mean?]

Let people make fun of you. It is okay. Enjoy your relationship for what it is and go with it. There is no shame in finding someone on this earth that you connect with, laugh with, and have so much fun with, no matter what sex you are and no matter what sex they are.