31 July 2013

Rest, Not Quit

I said I won't quit; this time, I'm falling into my own trap of emotional mud puddle. Sigh. I closed my door to happiness yesterday. My daughter, ever the inquisitive, asked me why I was not smiling. I told her I'm tired because of housework: finished laundry, cleaned bathrooms and organized closets. You know what her innocent heart told me? "Don't do it, Nanay. You rest in the couch." I almost wanted to bawl out like a pig in slaughter house as I was so touched, but then - "Yesterday, I run and run in the playground and I was tired and I rest in the couch." OK. She did not do that the day before yesterday. Yesterday is her word for earlier or few days ago or once upon a time. But maybe she's right. Maybe I just need to rest.

You see, I want to become everybody else who's rocking it big time by earning money for the family and still making it fab as a hands-on mom. The odds are at my side. Not cool, I tell you. It's making me sick, literally. I also took a day's rest from being so available for my husband. I'm always the one who sends him messages all the time. I also call him whenever I can. So yesterday (the real usage and not the little girl's hehe), I decided to drown myself with housework so I won't feel the need to text him. I felt that the romance part of our marriage is too steady it becomes platonic. It's not that I'm looking for something to fight about, it's just that we are in the stage that in order to avoid arguments and heated discussions, we will keep mum about it. Not healthy, I know. But my husband and I are humans. We are bound to have imperfections. I'm thankful though that whenever I lose my sanity, he never loses his. And he keeps me back on my senses by giving me no-nonsense advice. My husband's my greatest pal.

Speaking of imperfections, my blogging world almost shattered when I saw my Top Blogs ranking slowly going down the drain. OK, not really at the 300th yet but not at the regular position I was loving for a month and so. I realized that I just got a high ranking because of my flood of giveaways. I'm not going to stop in hosting giveaways though but I will focus more on sharing a bit of me and my life here - that's the main reason why I blog in the first place. If that will make my cyber palace unpopular, so be it. (Update 09.15.16 - I don't care about rankings anymore).

I must pull myself out from all the monstrosity that is called hyped planning. I shall let my Big Boss up there decide what's best for me. Yes, like what this fab little person inside me has been saying, "rest, not quit".

7 comments:

Awww... I feel your pagod all the way here to Cavite. It's hard ano? People think being a SAHM is so easy, sabi nga ng iba, "Ah, nasa bahay ka lang?" Lang, I hate that word. As if being nasa bahay 'lang' can easily be equated to a donya life. I wish. Hihi. Tama si LB, rest ka muna sa couch. Or sa bed. Or hilata mode muna the whole day, even just for one day... :)

About becoming a WAHM - I want to say it's easy, but it's not an easy road talaga. As with anything wonderful, things are difficult before they become amazing. Eventually, things will come around and things, good things, will start happening. Just hang in there. Measure your success by YOUR progress, not by what others had achieved, you'll see just how amazingly well you've done already. :)

And your blog ratings... deadma mo na yan muther. I must admit I found your blog through a giveaway, BUUUUTTT, I fell in love with it because of all your personal posts. I love it so much I make sure to get a dose of Bebengisms every day - yesss every day. Pati old posts mo nirereview ko, super aliw kasi eh. So even if you, say, lose 10 visits a day sans the giveaways and with more personal posts, you're sure there's still one (me!me!) who would read through Bebengisms religiously, on a daily basis, and laugh, giggle, say 'hehe', and share the motherly emotions with you. :) (<---emosyonal lang akey.)

Hugs!!! Hay dear, you are not alone. all of us wives and moms have our share of woes. What's important is that we make each other feel that we are not alone. Over the last two years, when I started WAHM-ing, the WAHM network and the mom-blogger network has really helped keep me sane. Sobrang dami din namin ups and downs and super extra mega down, down, downs over the past few months sa marriage, family, household, work, lahat na! But I'm okay today kasi I have all of you. Hugs ulit! Things will look bright and sunshine-y for you too soon, I'm sure!

As for your blog ratings, alam mo, I believe in writing from the heart. Dibale na konti lang nagbabasa, at least you know that they come back kasi they want to and because they love what you write. :) Isipin mo nalang, mas mataas parin ranking mo kesa sakin haha! :)

I agree with Tin G.'s comment. As much as I want to say that being a WAHM is easy, it's not. It's very challenging. In fact, may mga araw na iniisip ko kukuha na lang ako ng yaya tapos I'll work out of home. Maybe I'd be less stressed that way. Then I give myself time to rest. Ayun, nakaka-recover din ako. :)

Hi sis! I think you really don't need to worry about blog rating if your reason in blogging is for fun and not mainly to earn money. Hihi. Ganyan din kasi ako. I would get a little affected to see the rating of my blog going down but at the end of the day, I would realize na blogging is not my job and I don't feed my family with the money I earn from it. Kung mataas ang rating at may pera, okay lang. Kung mababa ang rating at walang pera, okay lang din. Basta masaya ako na I can relieve boredom, release stress and socialize online through my blog.

You know the day you posted this, I had the same feeling. I didn't comment right on kase I don't want to add insult to the injury for the both of us. Virtual hugs. I have been telling myself not to quit also but yes, we are only humans and we sometimes are vulnerable to negativity. But when I look at my children and read mommy blogs like you, I feel enlightened and somehow relieved even if I don't get even rest from my mundane duties and get pampered. Hang in there. Isipin mo na lang si LB and rhambo. Cheers!

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