You just lost the game.

Don’t know the game? Too bad, you are playing it even when you don’t realise it. And you lost it.

Sucker.

The game is like Fight Club. But awesomer. Cause you can sneak into your kids rooms in the middle of the night and whisper in their ear ‘You just lost The Game’ and they lose their shit.

Leave a loving note in their lunch box, when they open it in front of their friends they scream, the other kids rush over to see what the fuss is about and BAM baby! You just owned a shit load of teens from the comfort of your lounge chair.

My personal favourite is a yellow sticky note on the underside of the toilet lid. Open the lid, see ‘LOSER!’, *blink, blink* LOSER!!!

Bwaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaaa

Invariably, you lose The Game while thinking about pissing your kids off. But that is a sacrifice that must be made in the name of Motherhood.

Muttering the words ‘I lost The Game’ anywhere where teenagers congregate is immensely satisfying. Next time you are at the drive thru at Macca’s or KFC start your order off with ‘Damn, I just lost The Game’ and hear the groans. Awesome.

The origin of The Game is unknown. These are the rules.

If you think about The Game, you lose. Loser.

If you think about The Game you must announce it to your fellow losers to share the shame.

There is a 20 minute cool down period before you can lose The Game again. Use this time wisely. Piss off as many people around you by either announcing your loss (loser) or informing them about The Game.

Once you know about The Game you are playing. Tough shit, buddy. You are playing. And you are a loser.

Read this, for the complete rules of The Game, it will do your head in. And make you respect The Game.

The Game is serious biddness.

Some perpetual losers try and bring an end to The Game. Like xkcd.com which apparently is a web comic for losers of The Game.

Loser.

“The largest Game ever recorded was between the British and the Germans most commonly called World War II. The stand off between Winston Churchill and Adolf Hitler lasted for six years. In both countries, the word “game” was banned. The Game ended in 1945 when Soviet leader Josef Stalin whispered “Remember the Game” in Adolf Hitler’s ear during trade talks. Adolf Hitler retired to his chambers and committed suicide.”

That is some seriously awesome shit. Wonder if we can get Osama Bin Laden to lose The Game.

Or Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Love Hewitt so I never have to see that fucking Pro-Active commercial again.

Um. I think you lost something else. After your brain explodes, you’re supposed to pick up the pieces and shove ’em back in there. Otherwise this happens. OH crap. You had brain implosion. I don’t know how to fix that. Maybe gellatin to congeal the pieces?

This absolutely reminds me of a game my little friends and I would play as kids: You had to do the following things while riding in the car, and apparently you were supposed to keep track of how many points you racked up for the rest of your life…

1. Always hold your breath while passing a graveyard.

2. Always lift your feet up off of the floor when driving over a traintrack.

3. Always smack the ceiling of the car when you go through a yellow traffic light.

I stopped playing years ago, but I did keep count up to 1,348 points. Yeah, I’m awesome.