Sunday, February 23, 2014

Sometimes you
know- you hear about really bad shit before it actually happens to you on the
TV. Like take for instance this whole
situation that the world currently finds itself in- they’re calling it the real
zombie apocalypse. some nit wit lab tech got infected by some stupid virus that
some bio chemist had been working on for some fucked up government agency. He
got out- went bonkers and bit somebody and infected them and it just kept
spreading from there. Sure, Sure, it was a bit more complicated than that but
that was the gist of it.

Next thing you
know its all over the news, in every major city, riots, mass hysteria, people
getting infected by the thousands. End of the line- Zombie apocalypse, front
and center, live and in technicolor. Hell, even though I saw a lot of it on TV
before everything went off the air I still either found myself not believing it
or not caring about it. that is until it came to my neighborhood, I lived in
Pleasant city on Primrose street. See- the first one I actually saw was what
was looking a lot like my neighbor down the street, Fred Boxner. kinda tall,
skinny, lanky, whatever, he always did walk a bit slow, never noticed the blood on
his shirt or the drool dripping down his chin, he still had that same vacant look
in his eyes that he always did though.

I remember it was
just before breakfast on a Monday morning, the sun was out and there was a
little chill in the air as I stepped out onto the porch. I sat my coffee cup
down and watched ol Fred drag his sorry undead ass up the empty street, and
then it struck me- I never liked that prick much anyways. Fred was the type to
always have an angle on everything, the rotten bastard never ever bought his
own shit, if you had something that he could use he would borrow it by hook or
by crook and you would more than likely never see it again, and now that I was thinking about it- that prick still had my weed
whacker and lawn mower that he’d borrowed from me over six weeks ago.

So here he came,
lumbering down the street, and that’s about when I had my first epiphany. If this really was the end if the line for
the whole damn human race, and there really wasn’t anymore law and order to be
had, I suppose that left me with the only option that I had left, if ol Fred really was now a full fledged
zombie I guess that left me with little choice in the matter but to go into
survival mode. See- the problem most people have always had with me was what
many of my neighbors considered an unhealthy appetite for automatic weapons. and
I own a LOT of automatic weapons. so I
walk back into the house not panicking at all, I go into my special room and
retrieve The S&W automatic 12 gauge shotgun and load a fresh clip into it
before returning to the street to greet ol Fred.

So he’s still
about halfway down the block when he first sees me, I can tell right away by
looking into his beady little undead eyes that he was getting excited at the
prospect of having a brain sandwich at my expense. So I step down onto the
side walk and call out to him.

“Hey Fred? unless
you’re coming down here to return my weed whacker and lawn mower you might want
to take your scrawny- ugly slobbering undead ass in a different direction! this
isn’t going to end well for you ol buddy”

“Gaaaaaaaaahhh...
unnnngh.. Raaaaaawr!”

“Think it through
Fred, you don’t want none of this.”

“Arrrrrrrgh...
gnaaaaaaagh!”

“C’mon Fred... You
know I have issues.”

So, ol Fred, yeah,
he never was the sharpest knife in the
drawer. So I raise the barrel of the S&W And the first round the I fire off
takes off his left leg. He drops to the ground still making those nasty
gurgling noises. But I can tell the pain isn’t registering, he’s way too far
gone. So I calmly walk up to him and take off his head with the very next shot.
I look around and don’t see anybody else, and I also decide that I’m not
waiting around either, so I go home and pack up the blazer with supplies and
enough guns, and ammo along with a few other weapons that I had lying around &
whatever food I had to last me awhile. I had a reserve gas tank installed on it
awhile back in case of emergencies, the primary and the reserve were both full.

So I get it packed
up and decide to head out for the country,
strange I don’t recall seeing much of anybody on the way out of town, I
guess they were just faster then me to see the urgency of the situation and
high tailed it out of there before the zombie horde arrived. so with an uncertain future ahead of me and one
dead ex neighbor behind me, I head for the sunset. My name is Jacob P. Callahan and this is my
new life now here in the zombie apocalypse.. things are gonna get strange I
suppose, even stranger than ever before, my name is Jacob- but you can call me
Crash.