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sydalg on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-192064
Thu, 22 Aug 2013 14:02:07 +0000sydalg192064@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I assume that Australian guy is finding a lot of people turning down his dinner invitations - nobody wants to catch genital warts off the cutlery.
</p>Arthur on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191919
Wed, 21 Aug 2013 11:40:32 +0000Arthur191919@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>You're right on, Titus, and the best sex for me was when I was a lad and managed to get my hand on it.</p>
<p>It amazes me that women don't seem to understand the attraction of stockings, and will kill passion by showing their knickers under heavily-reinforced tights, probably with the gusset half-way down the thighs and with a tear in it.</p>
<p>In France, it's easy to buy tights "sans demarcation", but not in the UK, and French ladies on the pull wear them with no knickers. Also, it's no coincidence that it was a French girlfriend who used to take her tights off second, after her shoes. (That is, when she wasn't wearing stockings and a basque).
</p>Titus on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191915
Wed, 21 Aug 2013 11:21:56 +0000Titus191915@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>No worries, Arthur. I have a lady-friend who once expressed surprise that men were so excited by stockings. I had to explain to her that it wasn't the stocking which got them going, but the not-stocking bit at the top.</p>
<p>(I am pleased to be able to report that she frequently wears stocking when she particularly wants to attract my attention now. Result!)
</p>Arthur on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191905
Wed, 21 Aug 2013 10:51:04 +0000Arthur191905@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Thanks, Titus. I was beginning to think I was a bit peculiar.
</p>Titus on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191904
Wed, 21 Aug 2013 10:48:01 +0000Titus191904@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>@ Arthur: if you can tell that she <em>is</em> wearing stocking and not tights, yes.
</p>Titus on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191902
Wed, 21 Aug 2013 10:45:58 +0000Titus191902@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>'... The surgeon ... called to Bomb Squad (known locally as the "Bum Squad" forever after) ...'</p>
<p>Of course. The poor devils would never, ever live that down!</p>
<p>Such appliance-erotic or utensil-erotic (or even materiel-erotic) liaisons seem almost incomprehensible - until you compare them with some of the human (or near-human) partners some individuals choose to consort with. Confronted with a choice between sexual congress with, say, Ann Widdecombe or Janet Street-Porter on the one hand or ramming a barbed kitchen utensil into your penis as the alternative, many men might find the decision difficult.
</p>Arthur on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191900
Wed, 21 Aug 2013 10:36:06 +0000Arthur191900@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Does anyone else get excited by pretty young women wearing stockings?
</p>Al OPecia on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191894
Wed, 21 Aug 2013 10:22:42 +0000Al OPecia191894@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>A person extremly well known to me was a nurse in charge of an operating theatre in a busy London teaching hospital, some quarter of a century ago. Cases like the above were not uncommom, but the most exciting was a man who came in with a WWII vintage anti-aircraft shell helpfully lodged there by his partner, during a particularly experimental session of male bonding. </p>
<p>The surgeon took one look at it and said "I have no idea if that is live or not", evacuated the theatre and called the Bomb Squad (known locally as the "Bum Squad" forever after). They turned up post haste, confirmed that it had been "discharged" and the piece of military history was succesfully removed, with some pretty direct advice from the surgeon to the less than happy couple.</p>
<p>Whilst in A&amp;E my acquaintance was constantly amazed by the number of men who did the Hoovering in the nude, and ran into trouble "on the stairs", forming an intimate association with the business end. The brush attachment was a particular favourite. On another occassion a man was delivered by ambulance attached to a gas oven by the bayonet fixing of the input gas pipe. </p>
<p>What a rich and varied species we are.
</p>Titus on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191893
Wed, 21 Aug 2013 10:14:22 +0000Titus191893@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>"I loved the doctors scratching their heads to come up with a grown up reason for publishing 'Christ, you gotta come and see this!'"</p>
<p>Indeed, which is why I so admired the phrase they managed to come up with in their official statement.</p>
<p>I bet the radiographer has a framed copy of this X-ray at home.<br />
_ _ _</p>
<p>Gives a whole new, authentic meaning to the exclamation "fork me!"</p>
<p>As an Australian he may have been seeking a less painful, pointless and humiliating alternative activity as a distraction from watching test cricket.</p>
<p>However if you check the orientation of the fork, it also gives a new meaning to the words "One Direction" although being Australian the patient might not have anticipated this inconvenient fact.</p>
<p>But why on Earth a <em>fork</em>? Sex education in Oz must be crap. Why not use a spoon, like any normal person?
</p>Lindy Moone on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191868
Wed, 21 Aug 2013 06:34:07 +0000Lindy Moone191868@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Holey moley.</p>
<p>Whenever I see these stories, I always picture the exact uh-oh moment when the perpetrator/victim realizes he will need help to get out of this one...</p>
<p>@Wrenfoe -- surely you are referring to Richard and the periwinkle pattern? Finally getting one over on Hyacinth?</p>
<p>Or is that "Periwinkie"?
</p>Sam Bouca on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191865
Wed, 21 Aug 2013 06:04:14 +0000Sam Bouca191865@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>A whole fork.<br />
Some of us would be happy with a chopstick<br />
They implied it was a 'sex act that went wrong'. Which is a bit unfair as the man seems to have achieved his ambition.<br />
It was probably more a 'sex act that was not entirely advisable'<br />
Still experimenting with sex at 70 years old.<br />
Oh hold on, he's Australian.
</p>Ironduke on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191854
Tue, 20 Aug 2013 23:09:19 +0000Ironduke191854@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Which pattern - pre or post insertion?</p>
<p>I loved the doctors scratching their heads to come up with a grown up reason for publishing 'Christ, you gotta come and see this!'
</p>Titus on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191846
Tue, 20 Aug 2013 21:16:11 +0000Titus191846@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Which orifice? And whose?
</p>Arthur on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191831
Tue, 20 Aug 2013 19:33:01 +0000Arthur191831@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Which pattern?
</p>Wrenfoe on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191830
Tue, 20 Aug 2013 18:48:28 +0000Wrenfoe191830@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Oh come on - don't overreact. We've all done it! Only the other day, I tried to cram a full set of royal dalton soup dishes into an orifice.
</p>Titus on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191820
Tue, 20 Aug 2013 16:16:23 +0000Titus191820@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The ultimate "Don't try this at home, folks":</p>
<p>"... foreign body insertions into the lower urinary tract ... tend[s] to occur 'during states of pathological masturbation, substance abuse and intoxication'."<br />
_ _ _</p>
<p>One does not frequently encounter the phrase</p>
<p>"... they chose to publish the unusual case 'to create discussion among the medical fraternity given the great management challenge faced by the oddity and infrequency with which a fork is encountered in the penile urethra'."</p>
<p>so cherish the moment.
</p>Not Amused on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191818
Tue, 20 Aug 2013 15:28:54 +0000Not Amused191818@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Typical Daily Mail story about a foreign body getting where it shouldn't be !</p>
<p>They even have their own little sidebar of things that have been found in bodies which we could enhance. </p>
<p>I fully believe their reason for publishing. Any suggestions that they published as a laugh would be silly !
</p>sydalg on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191815
Tue, 20 Aug 2013 15:00:30 +0000sydalg191815@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Thanks, just fixed it.
</p>Titus on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191808
Tue, 20 Aug 2013 14:40:40 +0000Titus191808@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Linky no workee.
</p>sydalg on "Life is catching up with Newsbiscuit"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=65553#post-191768
Tue, 20 Aug 2013 12:16:52 +0000sydalg191768@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>In fact, I think it's overtaken us and is fast disappearing into <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2397163/Man-70-10cm-steel-kitchen-fork-removed-inside-PENIS-sexual-adventure-goes-wrong.html">the distance.</a>
</p>