KDs are designed/developed/inspired/mused/auto-suggested/indigested to make folks think; an especially uncommon experience among Democrats, Republicans, and jingoistic mainline denominationalists who continue to discourage dissent with their ever-threatening thought police.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

October 11, 2008

Rumors that he is him are reckless and mean-spirited; betraying dirty political tricks and ideology masquerading as Biblical theology.

But he could be the False Prophet to the Antichrist.

@#$%

Rumors.

They fuel churches and politics like alternate lifestyles and apostasies enable the thanatos libido of mainline denominations.

And they're really helpful if you can't win an election or get your way in the church by the rules or telling the truth.

Just ask pastors and politicians who are cut from the same, uh, uh, uh, cloth.

@#$%

Speaking of rumors, I drew a lame analogy between political and sports polling in the last KD: "How can you trust polls when Pitt beats #5 South Florida at their house and still runs behind them in the AP and USA Today polls?"

The author is so right on in the spirit of KD; in other words, he's gonna get into trouble for telling the truth.

@#$%

Some, uh, truth or consequences from our next President BHO: "My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it."

Have you seen The Sting?

Now where are those eschatological notes?

@#$%

My mom really liked being quoted in a recent KD; so much so that she's becoming a regular contributing source and, just like my other subscribers who think I'm joking while begging for some financial honoraria, she hasn't sent in a dime of appreciation.

While I never quote my embedded ecclesiastical and political sources because they could get into trouble for telling the truth and lose their jobs and then never send a contribution to pay off my Caliber and contribute to my motorcycle fund, my mom is the exception.

I'll say that again.

My mom is the exception: "I was on public square in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania the other day. This girl asked if she could interview me. She said she is a reporter for The New York Times. I asked, 'Why in the world are you in Wilkes-Barre?' She said, 'We believe Barletta is a good story.'"

Quick parenthesis for the ignorant.

Barletta is the Mayor of Hazleton, Pennsylvania who is trying to unseat crooked Congressman Kanjorski who succeeded crooked Congressman Flood.

Back to the story, my mom went on, "I told her I was voting for Barletta. I told her that JM needs to get tougher and I gave a glowing report for SP."

Quick parenthesis about the apple not falling far from the tree.

It doesn't.

Back to the story, "As soon as the young girl from The New York Times found out that I was for Barletta, JM, and SP, she left me and started talking to people who couldn't speak English but knew how to use foul language when talking about B, JM, SP, and GWB. She stayed with them long after I finished by coffee and donut."

Polling.

@#$%

Getting back to real clear politics, it's still October which means it's still Pastor Appreciation Month.

From my favorite Episcopal priest, "Apparently, in the PCUSA, you are allowed to fall out of the boat at an alarming rate; rocking the boat, on the other hand, ist verboten.

Hey, buddy, it takes one to know one!

@#$%

From a much too truthful source exposing ills in the mainline which is why the sideline has really become the mainline which is really now on the sideline: "With regard to your quoting the Utah fellow about not being reimbursed for stuff which he never vouchered, they have no opportunity to reimburse if they don't know you've expended the money. But I suspect that he tried and was shot down."

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

He went through the open door: "Churches say, 'We don't have the money to pay these things.' I don't believe them for a minute...When the church calls a pastor, they take a vow before God to pay enough to support him...That does not include the expectation that the pastor will pick up all the church generated business expenses the position requires of him...God did not call the minister to pay the church for the privilege of being their pastor...This is the kind of clergy abuse that needs to be dealt with head on with no backing down."

I confess I have not vouchered anything for over three decades.

Here's why.

After my first session meeting, I decided I wasn't interested anymore in discussing mailing costs and other stuff related to ministry that provoked debates lasting so long that I'd miss the first three quarters of Monday Night Football.

That's why I haven't paid off my Caliber and don't have a motorcycle.

@#$%

In the true spirit of why so many pastors aren't into Pastor Appreciation Month which is kinda like Mother's and Father's Day and, uh, even Christmas and Easter if you know what I mean, here's a letter which was just sent to a pastor in North Carolina who was forced out of his church even though he was "the best preacher and pastor that we've ever had":

I was shocked to read in the church newsletter yesterday that after devastating the congregation for years you were leaving. I am so thrilled to learn that you will be gone, but so sad that my beloved friends and church had to go thru your ego-driven nonsense for years until you managed to "lead" them where your ego needed to go. I read your bullshit in the church newsletter, sickened each time by your quest for power, prestige and recognition. I listened to my friends cry out in despair as they attempted to defeat you and your cronies and preserve their church. I'm not sure what's going to happen. It will take years for the congregation to heal and restore itself. That's what happens when evil people like you take hold. I'm thanking God that you're gone!

Everybody stand up right now and sing with me, "Blest be the tie..."

Geez.

No wonder I recently decided to let everyone in our family of faith blame me for everything!

It saves time; which means there's more for Monday Night Football.

By the way, that letter was written by the wife of an assistant pastor who served that churchabout thirty years ago.

Whoa.

@#$%

When I ask seminarians why they want to be pastors or get advanced degrees after already being pastors, they often say, "We want to be just like Jesus."

Except, of course, for the crucifixion part.

"If any man would come after Me, let..."

He must have been kidding.

Let me put it another way.

Jesus was the best and kindest man who ever lived.

He was nailed.

There is no hope for pastors who are faithful to Him; except, uh, you know, in the end.

@#$%

Continuing on the theme of rumors, here are some:

General Motors and Chrysler may merge; which sounds as odd as coupling Jesus and mainline denominations.