Please clap your ass cheeks for man skank for all seasons, Gerard Butler, reaching the pinnacle of dirty slutdom by probably sexing on a piece he just met in a porta potty at Coachella over the weekend. You truly haven’t wished that the person before you took a post-Mexican deuce until you’ve walked into a porta potty and burned your nostril tips on Gerard Butler’s after-sex fumes. I can practically smell it from here and now I can say I know what a boiled egg rotting in a tub of used tampons on a subway platform smells like.

Gerard Butler is ten seconds out of rehab and every newly sober hos knows that the best place to continue on your road to sobriety is Coachella! You know, because it’s not like most people who go to Coachella need to freebase sand to deal with the sea of hippie hipsters from the Urban Outfitters commune. Page Six says that as far as they know, Gerard kept his body free of the bad shit at Coachella and instead he focused on feeding his other addiction: CHOCHA!

A source says that Gerard hit on piece after piece, and at one point he got close to a mysterious brunette (who may or may not be in the pictures below) at the T-Mobile party. The source says that Gerry and the mysterious brunette did the bump and grind on each other before going into a porta potty together.

I know, Gerry’s acts of romance never cease to amaze me. There is something poetic about staring into an abyss of hipster shit as Gerard Butler hits it from the back. I bet Gerry’s mystery piece realized that was one of the most beautiful moments of her life when afterward he asked her if she wanted to wipe her coochie off with the bottom of his shirt. Always a gentlemen, that Gerry!

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