Did you remember to deduct your clarinet lessons from your tax return?

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In case you needed further proof that United States tax code is in desperate need of reform, Glenn, Pat, and Stu ran through some of the wackiest tax deductions on this morning’s radio program. From clarinet lessons to abortions (?!), it’s hard to believe some of the bizarre things that qualify for a deduction.

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“Hey, I didn’t know this until yesterday, and it was too late because I already filed my income taxes,” Glenn said. “Did you quite write off your abortions this year?”

“You don’t have to have the abortion to write it off,” Stu added. “You just have to pay for the abortion to write it off.”

According to the Washington Examiner’s “13 tax deductions you never knew existed,” women who have had an abortion qualify for a deduction. So much for the promise that the federal government will not fund abortion…

Furthermore, birth control pills can be deducted if prescribed by a doctor, as can pregnancy test kits and vasectomies.

On the animal front, the Examiner points out that “pet moving,” “fostering a pet,” and “guard dogs and service animals” are all deductible.

But perhaps the most bizarre deduction comes in the form of clarinet lessons, which can apparently help fix little Johnny’s overbite.

“What about the bassoon,” Stu asked.

“No, bassoon is not [a deduction] because that wasn’t lobbied by the orthodontists of America to be a deduction,” Pat explained.

That’s right: Orthodontists actually lobbied the government for the deduction because playing the clarinet helps with the overbite.

“Somebody spent a lot of money to hire a lobbyist to go to Washington to get that as an income tax deduction,” Glenn said. “This is where we’re at.”

Again, this list of deductions is all the evidence you need that the U.S. tax system has serious issues.

“You wonder why we have 80,000 pages of tax code? This is why. I don’t know what it’s going to take… But here we are paying again for abortions on a federal level. And our tax dollars are going to abortions to federally funded abortion,” Pat said exasperatedly. “I mean if you want to have a revolt, how about a tax revolt where we stop the IRS? This is absolute madness. What’s it going to take for Americans to demand a flat tax or the fair tax, go either way. But what we have doesn’t work. It’s just not working.”

Check out the Washington Examiner’s full list of wacky deductions HERE.