Your Nana Called. She Wants Lysol.

Yesterday my phone rang; that’s the kind of thing it does. I didn’t recognize the number the person was calling from, so I didn’t answer it; that’s the kind of thing I do.

(image by Bnilsen CCbySA2.0)

The caller left a message; that’s not the kind of thing that telemarketers or people who’ve mis-dialed do. Concerned, I listened to the message:

Pee Wee, this is Nana. Do you hear me? OK, I don’t know when you’re coming, but bring me some Lysol when you come.

There was a long pause, then a voice in the background asked Nana if “he” (presumably Pee Wee) was saying anything. Nana told her he was not and then she hung up.

I’m Not Most Folks

Most folks would get a chuckle out of this message and let it pass without a second thought. I am not most folks.

For the record, not only am I not most folks, I am also not Nana’s Pee Wee. I am no one’s Pee Wee. I’ve never been called Pee Wee and take a measure of pride in that fact. At my age, I certainly have no intention of adding Pee Wee to the list of approved nicknames for me and I don’t have a Nana.

But Nana’s call upset me, in a way that it wouldn’t have bothered most folks.

I’m not a pharmacist, Nana. (Image public domain)

You see, I have a history of helping Nanas, Mee Maws, and otherwise named Grandmas who’ve mis-dialed. I once had a home telephone number that was one digit different from the local pharmacy (yes, I wrote about that). So many Nanas called me for prescription refills that I started taking their names and numbers, telling them I’d have one of my assistants call them back, then calling the pharmacy and asking them to call the grandma and get her refill information.

That system worked. The pharmacy got used to me calling and assured me they’d handle the problem. It felt good taking the extra step to help an elderly person out, and frankly, it was often easier than explaining that I was not the pharmacist.

That phone number doesn’t exist anymore; I’m on a cell phone now. Back when I had that number, none of the grandmothers who called wanted cleaning supplies. I don’t have a procedure in place for a Lysol request, nor did I know how to get in touch with the real Pee Wee to tell him that his grandmother needed him to get her some antiseptic.

I took some time to think about what to do. Somehow, there wasn’t the urgency to the situation that I felt when Emma called me and asked for more of her “nerve pills”. No Nanas would be harmed by my delay, so I thought about what to do as I took care of things around the house.

Nana Calls Again

Two hours later, my phone rang again. It was Nana. Unfortunately, I was indisposed and missed the call.

When I came out of the bathroom and checked my voice-mail, I learned that Nana was still lacking her Lysol. Pee Wee still hadn’t arrived. Nana was not happy. I spent the rest of the evening hoping that this poor soul got her Lysol and worrying that Pee Wee got hit with a rolling-pin for showing up empty-handed.

I shouldn’t have to spend an evening like this. I did my time taking care of other people’s grandmothers when the Eckerd’s pharmacy phone number ended in 5 and my house phone ended in 6. I’m done.

Nana never called back. I’m presuming her needs were eventually met; now all that’s left is me getting a few things off my chest.

One of you out there on the net is not looking after your Nana. That is unacceptable to your Nana, to me and to the rest of us. Yes, Pee Wee, I’m looking at you. Get yourself together and handle your business.

Oma, you’re one of the good guys, you know. Not many folks would take time to phone in a nanna’s prescription, or to worry whether this nanna got her Lysol. Nobody in their right mind would tag you as Pee Wee, either!

I have a wrong number story. I pick up my cell phone one day and see I have a voicemail. So I hit play and hear “this is mom, happy birthday”. The thing is that my mom had died about a year before and it wasn’t my birthday. So there was no way this person meant to call me…but I’m glad she did.

As far as nana and her lysol, I think the Universe made those calls happen solely for our enjoyment.

My Nana was quite the character. She despised me until the day she died. I would be very concerned what she had planned for that Lysol. I would also wonder why the other person in the background of the first call, wouldn’t go get the Lysol for her.

I found out a day later that my wife and I called and sang Happy Birthday to the wrong answering machine . I had mis-dialed a number ,and I ain’t even a Nana . Looking on the bright side of your story , though , could be that Nana wanted to swallow the Lysol , and so she was saved after all .