The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Pecking Order

Someone call NYC Housewife Kelly Bensimon - we may have another case of "systematic bullying" on our hands. Or at least that's what Camille would probably like you to believe.

The fight from last week's episode - that one about whether or not hula dancers would be interested in Camille's Hawaiian vacation without Kelsey there - continued this week over dinner in New York, where the girls went to accompany Camille at Kelsey's big premiere in Le Cage Aux Folles.

We had trouble keeping track of the main cause of the fight (it jumped around so much) but we think it went something like this: Camille said Kyle called her insecure and got pissed, Kyle got pissed back, Kyle asked Kim to speak on her behalf and she didn't, Kyle got pissed at Kim, Kim got pissed at Taylor for some reason that didn't make sense, then Taylor got pissed at Kim. And Lisa just sat there horrified.

Camille felt ganged up on and left. She later told her gay makeup artist that she'd been bullied by the other women, directly after he detailed a story about enduring gay bashing in high school. "We're survivors," Camille told him. Please, don't fret Camille, it gets better.

As Camille tells us in this episode, it's all about jealousy with her. Women have always been jealous of her, agrees a friend, who clearly exists in Camille's life to parrot back everything she says. Jealous of what? Oh yeah, we forgot too. Camille reminded us that "women have always have been jealous of me because I'm married to a celebrity." Riiiiight.

Time out a minute. Is Kelsey Grammer Brad Pitt? Is he the sexiest man alive? Is he mobbed at the grocery store? Are women banging down the door and grabbing at his boxer shorts? We get it, Kelsey is famous, but let's not act like we'd be updating our Facebook statuses if he were sitting next to us at a restaurant. Sorry Camille, you're not married to Jon Hamm.

But Camille just doesn't see it this way, at least when it comes to Kyle. Is Kyle jealous of Camille and her now ex-husband? (Who, incidentally, are becoming harder and harder to watch on TV. They act like two people who had a one-night-stand in Vegas and woke up married.) Is it in fact Kyle who's insecure, since her Realtor husband works for the Grammers? Camille breaks it down for us:

"In terms of like, pecking order, my husband's higher on the list! My husband is an A-list celebrity. He's in a successful play. He's won Emmys, Golden Globes, he's celebrated, he's respected in his community. There's a big difference between that and...the local Beverly Hills Realtor."

Do you hear that, Camille? That's the sound of about 2 million viewers tweeting Kyle about what a bitch you are.

But it got us thinking, in terms of these ladies, what's the pecking order so far? We think it goes like this:

1) Lisa. Lisa earns top spot for being level-headed and a peacemaker. She also wins points for suggesting to Kim that she should date "a really wealthy guy with a dodgy ticker."

2) Kyle. Not only does Kyle generally seem well-liked but...that hair. The hair! Is Kyle's hair not fascinating? In a previous episode she actually did a dance move in which whipped it around like a helicopter. Her hair needs its own theme song. Oh wait, it has one.

3) Adrienne. Adrienne may be higher on this list had she actually gone to New York. Sadly, her uncle passed away and she couldn't make it, but as Adrienne demonstrated in episode one, she can take down an attacker like nobody's business. Kyle and Camille could've probably used a smackdown.

4) Taylor. No one takes Taylor very seriously, but anyone who says things like "I'm gonna take you outside and pull some Oklahoma on your ass," (as she did to Kim) cannot possibly come in last.

5) Camille. Before last week we may have placed Camille at 2 or 3, but then she became a Realtor-basher.

6) Kim. Poor Kim. She always looks like she's been scolded and put in a corner. That's usually because, well, she has been.

What do you think the pecking order is?

Ali is a writer and digital strategist whose work has been recognized by the L.A. Press Club. The only thing she loves more than television is writing about it.