Where Are They Now: Agumon’s Worn-Out Fame, Newfound Crack-Cocaine Addiction

DIGIWORLD― On occasion, it can be fun to look back at the superstars of the past. This edition of “Where Are They Now?” will focus on a character that seemed to vanish off the face of the Earth in the late 00’s. You knew him, you loved him, and you left him: Digimon’s own Agumon. The timing of this article may be bittersweet for him- considering his main competitor is soaking up the limelight in the virtual world, as he continues to suffer under the shadow of another monster-based universe who shall remain unnamed.

Our reporters were (easily) able to get an interview with Agumon. In fact, the door to his studio apartment was wide open- we found him passed out in front of his television that was playing the original first season of the show that skyrocketed him to fame, “Digimon Adventure!”. Our sources noticed multiple empty alcoholic beverages on the ground, digi-meat crumbs on his belly, and a warm pipe likely used to recently inhale crack-cocaine.

“Look, I told you I don’t want to do any interview. Just leave me alone”, cried a broken Agumon. “I don’t understand why you people keep bothering me. I’m working on a new series, okay? Just let me get back to work”. Through the window on the way out, one could see Agumon continuing to use. This is a textbook case of riches to rags, and our heart goes out to Agumon and all of the excitement his series brought the world.

Fuck it, let’s go play a game with depth. This has been the Digimon edition of: “Where Are They Now?”.