advice, thoughts, and discussion

Why are you so angry?

by trinityfamilyministries on February 17, 2013

On a normal Wednesday night, we were playing a great game at church. We were having a great time and, out of nowhere – one of our kids who comes regularly, a “churched” kid and one whose parents are extremely involved in our church…totally lost it. “I hate this game!” “I hate everyone here!” “You’re all stupid!”

What in the world was going on?! Why was this child so angry, and why was there such a sudden outburst?

This got me thinking – What do I do in a situation like this and how can I figure out how to help this child? Here’s the important steps to follow:

Are there life stressors? (school performance, moving, divorce, death)

When is the anger exhibited? (playtime, after waking up, with a particular person, particular time of day, since a specific event took place)

2- Don’t try to keep the child from getting angry

Anger is a natural human emotion

Many Christians believe it’s wrong to get angry, but the Bible doesn’t say we can’t get angry. It says we shouldn’t act upon our anger. (Ephesians 4:26)

Telling a child they are not allowed to become angry will create an emotionally unhealthy adult who suffers from guilt and who does not know how to accept their feelings, or how to work through what’s hurt them.

However, just because it’s okay to get angry, it’s not okay to handle anger inappropriately, and the child needs to know that.

3- Help the child find alternative ways to deal with anger

Changing a physical position quickly is a great help (stretch, make facial expressions, 10 jumping jacks, walk around)

say or write what you want in the current situation (I want to start winning the game. I want Bill to stop making fun of me. I want a piece of candy.)