Trump To Annex Most Of Mexico To Make Building His Wall Easier

With the GOP having adopted nominee Donald Trump’s plan to build a continuous wall across the southern land border of the United States, Democrats were looking forward to mocking the policy as manifestly impractical given that is would involve building a wall almost 2,000 miles long.

Trump’s insistence that he would force Mexico to build it has long been ridiculed as unworkable, something even Trump himself seems to acknowledge. But critics have been outsmarted by the Donald yet again, as he has a bold plan that will drastically reduce the amount of wall needed.

“Folks, we’re gonna takeover Mexico all the way down to the thin part.”

The Isthmus of Tehuantepec represents the shortest distance between the Gulf of Mexico and the Pacific Ocean in Mexico, being only 120 miles wide. Under Trump’s plan, this is the extent of the wall that will have to be built, other than a short piece to wall off Baja California, which Mexico will also be allowed to keep.

Mexican citizens and industry will be required to relocate south of the isthmus to South Mexico, or else to the Baja peninsula, which he suggests calling Northern Mexico. He says it’s up to them whether they want to split into two countries or form one non-contiguous Mexico. When asked how he will persuade our neighbor to the south to go along with this arrangement, his answer is clear.

“Easy – Nukes.”

If this plan is also deemed unworkable due to too much building, Trump has a fallback plan in which he will seize Central America all the way down to the Panama canal, which he says is ‘basically ours anyway’. In addition to reducing the length of wall to be built even further, Trump says the canal itself can be exploited to make the barrier even more of a deterrent’

“We’ll fill it with sharks or something. It’s going to be incredible.”