As a Montessori teacher, I have a lot of experience helping young children ease into life at school. Starting my own son in a Montessori baby program last month, though, gave me a whole new perspective.

It was hard. Really hard.

And I had a pretty ideal setup. He’s at the same school where I teach. I know and trust his teachers. He’s only there half the day. Yet even with all of these factors on our side, both of our lives felt disrupted in a major way, and things are just now starting to feel normal six weeks later.

This got me thinking about the things we can do help our little ones adjust to group care.

Whether it’s their very first time being away without you or just a transition to a new school, here are six things you can do to make the change a little bit easier, for both of you:

1. Visit together

Especially if you have a younger child, ask the school if you can visit together and spend some time either in his classroom or on the playground. This will help both you and your child feel safe and comfortable as he explores his new environment for the first time.

If joint visits are not allowed by the school, try driving to the school on a Saturday and just showing your child the outside. This is especially helpful if you can see the playground from the parking lot, as many children will be excited to check out the new equipment they’ll get to enjoy.

2. Transition gradually

If the school or daycare allows it, do a gradual transition where your child stays a little bit longer each day.

If it’s your child’s very first time being away from you, start with just an hour. Based on how she reacts to the new environment, work with her teachers to find a transition timeline that will push her a little more each day so that she’s comfortable.

3. Tell your child what to expect

Hyping things up too much can backfire—children see through us so easily. Telling your child he’ll have the best day ever and going on about how fun school is while you’re actually anxious about how he’ll handle it won’t work.

This approach can also be problematic because if you tell your child he’ll love school, and then he doesn’t, he may be confused or feel like he can’t trust what you say. Instead, try talking to him about the specifics of his day. Tell him the name of his teacher and tell him a few details about the daily schedule.

For example, try something like, “When you get to your classroom, you’ll see Ms. Jones. You’ll play inside for an hour, then play on the playground, and then eat lunch. Then I’ll come and take you home.”

Understanding what will happen while he’s at school or daycare will help him feel more comfortable. As the day progresses, he will see that what you told him is indeed happening and that will help him feel safe.

4. Adjust your schedule at home

Request a copy of your child’s schedule and try to follow it as closely as possible at home the week before he starts group care. For example, if the class eats lunch at 11am and naps at 12pm, try adjusting your home schedule to match.

Being away from you in a new environment is a lot of change as it is. Adjusting your schedule ahead of time will help the rhythms of the school day feel more natural to your child.

5. Clear your calendar

It can be tempting to try to make up for lost time and do *all the things* when you pick your child up from school or on the weekends.

Even if your child loves school or daycare right away though, it is a huge change and takes a mental toll. Try to keep life at home as simple as possible for the first few weeks of this transition. Plenty of time for open-ended play at home will give your child the opportunity to decompress and process everything that is happening.

6. Say goodbye with confidence

The number one suggestion I have for parents starting a child in our classroom is to say a quick, confident goodbye.

There are few things harder than leaving your child crying and screaming for you. The thing is, if you stay and try to comfort your child, she gets stuck in a sort of limbo and can’t move on. As long as you’re still there, part of her wonders if she can convince you to stay, and that makes it very hard to calm down.

Most children calm down very soon after their parents leave. If you’re concerned about leaving your child crying, ask the school to call you if he’s still upset in 30 minutes so you can come up with a plan.

Saying goodbye with confidence also shows your child that she is safe. If you seem anxious or upset to leave her, her anxiety will likely increase as it signals that it’s not okay for her to be left there.

Starting group care is a huge adjustment, both for the parent and the child. No matter what you do, it will likely be a bumpy road for a little while. Taking some time to prepare your child ahead of time, though, will help you both feel a little more comfortable with all of the changes to come.

Another week has come and gone—and while there's still a chill in the air and (quite possibly), January is finally coming to an end. How did your first month of the new decade go, Mama?

It's okay if 2020 hasn't been your year so far, because there are still 11 months left to go to make 2020 the #yearofthemother in your own life. If your New Year's resolution is already old news, set a new goal for yourself and catch up on some of the new stories taking over the internet.

Here's what went viral in the world of parenthood this week.

See all the viral pics of this Starbucks + Target-themed playroom

<div class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="8162dfbed61ccd4e6ea86ab7a9afdc35"><div class="fb-post" data-href="https://www.facebook.com/renee.doby/posts/10215604427174882"></div></div><p>If you're in the process of decorating or revamping your<a href="https://www.mother.ly/child/5-principles-parents-can-use-to-create-a-montessori-inspired-playroom" target="_self"> kids' playroom </a>and need some inspiration, look no further.</p><p>Photos of the most amazing, creative playroom are going viral because this setup is just flat-out iconic. And the best part? It pays homage to some of our mama favorites! The playroom boasts mini Starbucks and Target locations (mind blown!) as well as some <a href="https://www.mother.ly/shop/12-minimalist-stylish-storage-solutions-for-kids" target="_self">goal-worthy toy organization</a>. Three-year-old Ariah is the lucky little lady who gets to enjoy this sweet setup, and it's all thanks to her mama, Renee Doby-Becht.</p><p>"There were so many comments and likes and all these positive comments," the mama told <a href="https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/family/story/year-olds-target-starbucks-playroom-wows-facebook-68423416?fbclid=IwAR0l-fehvNjp2luQAbBvBN4ELpMc2P3-8Irn_q2-CJGNsxSNfZ-NICs6m5o" target="_blank"><em>Good Morning Americ</em>a</a> of reactions to the playroom. "It was mainly moms that were commenting...they were just blown away." </p><p>And so are we!</p>

This mom's viral post about marriage is so raw and relatable

<div class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="ec53701d09800ceb7505586d69b7f03b"><div class="fb-post" data-href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10157821075362510&set=a.483174352509&type=3&theater"></div></div><p>As mothers, <a href="https://www.mother.ly/life/motherhood-is-lying-awake-worrying-about-your-kids" target="_self">we are constantly worrying</a>. Worrying about our children and their safety, their happiness and their health. Worrying about our homes. Worrying about our other family members and friends. And sometimes, we're also worrying about something we're afraid to admit: The way our mental and emotional load affects our partners and <a href="https://www.mother.ly/love/marriage-is-choosing-each-other-again-and-again-and-again" target="_self">how they view us.</a></p><p>One mother put this feeling into perfect words. </p><p>"I cried last night as I asked my husband if he was tired of me. Because I'm tired of me some days. Pregnancy and birth are hard. Raising babies is hard. But I think the hardest is losing yourself. After each babe, postpartum has gotten worse," Cheyenne Moore writes in a Facebook post. "I don't know if it's being in the trenches of raising multiple children, taking care of a home, working while trying to juggle all of these, or just the pressures of being a mom in today's world."</p><p><strong>This is so real: Being a mother can make you feel like you've lost touch with who you were when your <a href="https://www.mother.ly/love/confession-i-fell-out-of-love-with-my-husband-when-we-became-parents" target="_self">partner fell in love with you</a>.</strong> </p><p>"Some days you look around and it hits you that you have no clue who you are outside of those things," Cheyenne adds. "That life is flying by, and you feel lost in the middle of it. Some days you get a glimpse of your old carefree self. Other days you're navigating the high emotions, the doubt, and the wondering when you will feel like yourself again."</p><p>Mama, if you're dealing with these feelings, know you're not alone. And to Cheyenne Moore: Thank you for putting these feelings into words. We know so many mamas feel seen when they read them.</p>

<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMjY0MDcwMC9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMDU4NTc0Nn0.IYdmIN2HBgdFi9IrInHmDfQriwCyXj0LGhP6pq3hZek/img.png?width=980" id="ae38f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5e0be54ddb2e8b119abd9cad67d66675" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>Recently a CEO mama in Menlo Park, California posted<a href="https://www.linkedin.com/jobs/view/household-manager-cook-nanny-menlo-park-at-the-calendar-1706773652/" target="_blank"> a very detailed job ad seeking a "household manager/cook/nanny."</a> She was hoping to find someone who could love and support her 10-year-old twins and herself, but instead, she got a lot of pushback online. </p><p>The criticism was instant and intense. The 1,000-word job description was mocked, the woman who wrote it was mom-shamed and many suggested that her requirements (which included "can eat duck eggs" and "likes river swimming") <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jan/24/nanny-viral-ad-california-ceo" target="_blank">were roasted as unrealistically specific and demanding. </a></p><p>A <em>Guardian </em>columnist concluded their critique of the posting by acknowledging the double standards inherent in the backlash but also suggesting that any nanny working for this woman should be pitied. </p><p>"Now, I know what you're all thinking: when a man outsources his childcare, nobody bats an eyelid—and here we are laughing at a single mom who made it and just wants to lean in. That's a fair point—but it shouldn't make us feel any less bad for the nanny," Poppy Noor wrote for <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jan/24/nanny-viral-ad-california-ceo" target="_blank"><em>The Guardian. </em></a></p><p><strong>While there is no denying that this CEO's job description is super specific, the person who gets the gig may actually feel lucky. This mom's job post was incredibly detailed but she's also willing to pay incredibly well for a person who fits her household's exact needs,<a href="https://www.mother.ly/news/childcare-workers-make-less-than-amazon-delivery-drivers" target="_blank"> and in a country where most nannies are making less than Amazon delivery drivers</a>, that's a good thing. </strong></p><p>In an interview with Slate's Ruth Graham, the anonymous CEO explained she planned to pay $35 to $40 an hour, along with time and a half for overtime. Even without overtime that's a yearly salary of $72,800 to $83,200—with free rent and a car to use.</p><p>"And if the person wanted, they could live in our pool cottage, and the rental value for that is about $3,000 a month. They'd get a car that they could use exclusively for themselves; that's valued at about $800 a month. There'd be paid days off, paid holidays, vacation pay, health benefits and the person would get to travel with us. We do some pretty cool vacations. We go to Europe a lot. We always stay in really nice places and have a lot of fun. And we travel to Hawaii, Central America. And when that person would be traveling, that person would only be working eight to nine hours a day," she tells Graham. </p><p>The single CEO explained that what she's looking for is a "wife type" nanny, someone who can essentially act as her family's second parent. The ability to eat duck eggs or whatever isn't as important this person's ability to do "to do research, to make good decisions."</p><p>She rejects the idea that she's seeking some kind of imaginary unicorn of a nanny and insists the qualities she's describing are common in women in caring roles but undervalued by society. </p><p>"It's intelligence, education, analytical skills, thoughtfulness. That's not like a superwoman or super nanny. Most of the moms you know probably have all of that," she tells Graham. </p><p>This checks out. Most of the parents at the CEO level are men who have a partner at home, and according to <strong> </strong>Salary.com, if a <a href="https://www.salary.com/2016-mothers-day-infographics/" target="_blank">stay-at-home mom were paid for all their unpaid labor they would earn upwards</a><a href="https://www.salary.com/2016-mothers-day-infographics/" target="_blank"> of $162,581 </a>per year.</p><p><strong>Most households already have what this mama is looking for, but the household manager is not paid. </strong></p><p>According to Oxfam, <a href="https://www.mother.ly/news/the-value-of-unpaid-care-work-by-women-is-10-8-trillion" target="_blank">the unpaid care work done by women has an economic value of $10.8 trillion per year,</a> it benefits the global economy drastically and is helping billionaires get richer. "Women are supporting the market economy with cheap and free labor and they are also supporting the state by providing care that should be provided by the public sector," the report notes.</p><p>So instead of mom-shaming this woman for looking for help we should be learning from this listing. </p><p>According to Jim Moran, Associate Professor of Strategic Management at Florida State University, <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-are-there-so-few-women-ceos-103212" target="_blank">"only about 5% of Standard &amp; Poor's 500 companies have female CEOs."</a> Writing for <em>The Conversation, </em>Moran notes that "there simply are fewer women at these senior levels because of <a href="https://dornsife.usc.edu/assets/sites/545/docs/Wendy_Wood_Research_Articles/Gender_Differences_in_Social_Behavior/wood.eagly.2012.Advances.pdf" target="_blank">social factors</a>. For example, women perform more family duties than men do. And the need for maternity leave and absences to care for sick children <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/4166156?seq=1#metadata_info_tab_contents" target="_blank">hurts women's careers</a>."</p><p><strong>The problem with this viral posting isn't that the female CEO in Menlo Park is too demanding, it's that care work is so undervalued by our society that it's not even seen as work. There's this expectation that mothers can do everything (while still working in paid jobs and contributing to the economy), but we can't. Not without help. </strong></p><p>For a CEO, help looks like an $80,000 earning, duck egg-eating, river swimming nanny. For the rest of us, it looks like affordable childcare, paid leave, and addressing the cultural expectations that contribute to mental stress.</p><p>This CEO mama in Menlo Park is clearly in the 1% who earns the kind of income that allows someone to travel internationally and employ household staff, but she's making a point that 85% of moms in America agree with<a href="http://yearfthemother.org" target="_blank">: Our society doesn't understand or support mothers and it is time for a change.</a> </p>