Wearing a Bra Is Now Bad for You Say 'Scientists' Who Aren't Moms

Well isn't this just great. After years of trying to find the perfect bra to lift, separate, and make us look voluptuous and womanly -- new research suggests that going braless might be better for your breasts than keeping them locked up.

Get this one -- when you don't wear a bra? Supposedly it actually strengthens your breast muscles, which in turn wind up giving your girls a boost. Oh, and wearing a bra may make sagging even worse.

And did I mention that forgoing the bra can also alleviate back pain and can help your breasts keep their shape?

Wait a second -- isn't that what bras are supposed to do? Make our boobs more shapely? I'm definitely scratching my head over this one.

But even if there is some merit to this research -- there's no way in hell anyone could convince me to give up my beloved brassieres. Uh-uh. No way.

How shall I put this? Um, ever since having a baby almost eight years ago, my poor girls have been on a journey headed south and they haven't bothered to look back for one second. And you know what's really sad? I'm somewhere between an A and a B cup -- so it's not like I have that much boobage as it is. Technically sagging shouldn't even be an issue. Isn't that supposed to be one of the perks of having small breasts? (Gah.)

I swear the minute I undo my bra, it's like they fall down to my mid-section. It's so humiliating that oftentimes I won't take my bra off until right before I crawl into bed -- and I do it with the lights off. It's like my security blanket or something.

And now I find out that maybe being married to my bra is what has made me a saggy hot mess in the first place and I'm thoroughly convinced that moms simply can't win.

On that note, I'd better go tighten my straps a little more to make sure this thing is on tight enough. Since the damage is already done, there's really no reason to give it up now.