Archive for January, 2009

Let’s start with a basic fact: If you are a mother or a father, you are a “Parent”.

My question today, dearest internets, is what are you if you’re an uncle or an aunt??

To my knowledge, there is no such encompasing title. Thus far in linguistic history we uncles and aunts have (most cumbersomely) been known as “The brother or sister of the mother or father of the child.”

Friends, this simply will not do. I have found a hole in the English language and by God I intend to plug it. Let’s join forces and start brainstorming! Once we’re all agreed on a good name, I’ll get Mr. Webster on the phone and work out the copyright details.

The best I can come up with on my own is “Siblent” (sibling + parent). Can anybody think of a better one?

The first rule of uncling (or aunting) is to never show up empty handed. In a fit of nostalgia I bought my niece a Pound Puppy. I was thrilled to find that 1) that they were still around and 2) they weren’t altered in any way (See Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for further explanation). They even had the old school boxes with the front half of the puppy sticking out. I picked out the cutest one I could find and scurried back to Texas certain I’d be passing on one of the happy memories of my childhood. I now reenact for you, The Moment of the Gifting…

J: Look what Uncle J got for you!

T: How do you turn it on?

J: It doesn’t turn on, Sweetie. It’s a Pound Puppy. Your daddy and I used to play with these.

T: What does it do?

J: Sorry Taylor, it’s just a stuffed animal.

T: *walks away confused with strange, non-interactive thingy*

Of course I’m not upset. She’s three. But somewhere inside me there’s a little old man screaming, “When I was your age, I played with sticks!!!”

Bull riding is like tubing at the lake. You hang on for dear life while matching stride with what you’re riding and try not to get thrown off. Except you ride a bull on dirt instead of water. And it’s an angry 3,000 pound animal and not an soft inflatable tube. And most of the time, a tube won’t try to mow you down and gore you in the back once you get bounced off. So I guess what I’m saying is, Bull riding is nothing like tubing. At all.

It is however, a wonderful spectator sport. I went to see the PBR at Madison Square Garden a few weeks ago and will do so again every chance I get. I know there are countless jokes to be made at the expense of a sport where men willingly strap themselves to angry bulls and possibly endure unspeakable trauma for money. I also know it’s not for everyone (especially in NYC) and I don’t fault people for not enjoying it. But I am annoyed by those that feel the need to make smart ass remarks to me because I do. An age of tolerance? Only if it’s popular…

But I digress. It was a great show and I’m really glad I went. I’d like to point out that they still publicly pray before the event begins. I believe they are among the last official sports that still do this. Not to mention the 20 minute celebration of how awesome America is. They even had a flaming U.S.A. in the dirt to drive the point home.

Pro rodeo is different than your average local or state rodeo in that there is no calf roping, barrel racing, etc. They get straight to the point. It’s about 2 1/2 hours of almost uninterrupted bull riding. Soon as one ride is over, the next gate flies open a minute or two later. Thankfully, nobody was seriously hurt. In fact, the cowboy who was in the worst wreck we saw (and it was a doozy) actually came back to take second overall. Any man that gets hung up in a rope, slung around and stomped on only to come back and make a 90 point ride 45 minutes later gets my respect.

Check it out if you get a chance. Either on TV or in person, I think you’ll enjoy it more than you might expect.

A while back I mentioned seeing Jason Webley perform. Last night me, Roomie and Mrs. Roomie got a chance to see him again at The Zipper Factory. Such a great show. Check him out if you get a chance. I’ve really begun to appreciate the underground music (and comedy) scene here in the city. The performers aren’t so polluted by money and fame like they tend to be in mainstream.

Also befitting this blog’s tag line, I’ll be heading to the PBR (Professional Bull Riders) at Madison Square Garden this Sunday for the third and final day of the Built Ford Tough Series. In my combined three and a half years in NYC I haven’t seen anything at MSG yet, and I think it’s just all too ironic that my first will be a rodeo. I’ll try to get some pictures and provide a recap for you.