Ke$ha - Animal

Women are liberated! Forget Sloppy Joe Night because that’s what HE wants. Forget wearing pantsuits to work. Definitely forget weird fetish porn. This country’s gender-fueled glass ceiling is shattered with what analysts are calling, “An errant nail filer.” And it’s about time, too. My mom was always the one who told me I wasn’t stupid, but until recently she was forbidden to speak when my father was within earshot. So at least for me, Women’s Lib is a self-esteem booster. I’d buy stock in females if that wasn’t one windowless shack away from child prostitution. Elizabeth Cady Stanton just exposed her ankles somewhere.

Which brings us to Ke$ha, who has a dollar sign in her name. It’s ironic because it means nothing, and yet the hope is that we incorrectly judge her as an insipid pop star – which, according to her, she isn’t - despite her songs about cocks, wieners and dicks. She is Lady GaGa and Millionaires and boobalicious Katy Perry. Mystery solved. Ke$ha addresses backstabbing bitches and on-the-go Whiskey with the help of a weird producer named Dr. Luke. He creates his neo-disco beats from a gold-plated loft filled (I’m sure!) with decapitated Barbie dolls and disproportionate amounts of beef jerky. And all Ke$ha has to say is, “I just wanted to make music that’s fun.” Boom, absolved! Your little sister will get pregnant to Animal, then listen to it again on her way to the clinic, and then once more when she gets her stomach pumped after a night of champagne binge drinking. It’s all stupid and hilarious and absolutely, positively, senselessly terrifying. Stop rolling your eyes when your grandparents bemoan our shitastic generation; they finally have considerable leverage. Ke$ha is MeeMaw’s worst nightmare and Virginia Woolf's dream come true (and not just because she was a raging lesbian!).

Each beat is dirtier than the next, but at least they match the lyrical content: “Dinosaur” is about old wrinkly wieners. “Party At A Rich Dude’s House” is about world peace. I bob my head until I vomit. But this is the world we live in and it’s the world we created. There’s no sense wasting time being jaded about Animal. “Tik Tok” deserves its spot at the top of the Billboard charts, and its knob-turning Jersey Shore beat makes perfect sense. Women have fought hard for the right to release albums like Animal. So when I say that this is an awesome record, I sincerely mean it. Each song will become the soundtrack for Mean Girls soccer moms and pre-teen pre-sluts everywhere. Listen to Animal.

I honestly thought that "Tik Tok" was Millionaires the first time I heard it, and I hated it. I love it a little more every time I hear it, though..and since it's all over the radio, I actually really like it now haha. I'm intrigued, to say the least, to hear the album.