Thursday, April 25, 2013

Life's Speed Bumps

Some
people seem to be more able to shrug negative experiences and interactions
off. They are affected by them, but they
remain intact and grounded in who they are and their sense of worth. Others find themselves deeply affected by
difficult people and situations, and they may find their sense of self and
confidence suffers as a result. I must admit to falling more often into the
second category.

Self-doubt
and fear of making mistakes begins from other people’s expectations of us and
sometimes even their criticism of us when we’ve made mistakes. The information
that was not encouraging and supportive in our learning is the root of our
self-doubt. Many of us, in part because
of the external responses we have received throughout our lives, may feel
self-doubt or insecurity. This type of
negative self-perception that we are not good enough makes it more and more
difficult to feel confident or roll with the punches of everyday life without
allowing them to tear down our sense of self.

I
grew up thinking that family life should follow a “Leave it to Beaver” or
“Ozzie and Harriet” model. Father should work at some ambiguous job that
allowed him to be home most of the time smoking a pipe and reading the
newspaper. He should offer wisdom and sage advice to his children when their
actions required redirection, but never raise his voice or his hand in anger.
Mother should spend her time in the kitchen smiling and looking like she had
just come from a church social, and families should live harmoniously in a
beautiful home with all the modern amenities of the time.

It
seemed to my young mind that everyone in the world lived like this except my
family! My mother worked teaching school from the time I can remember and was
the primary bread-winner for the family. She never had time to bake cookies or
create the fabulous meals that June Cleaver prepared! There was no money for
summer camp, or movies and we seemed to work at the farm all the time without
ever getting ahead. We had none of the modern amenities I saw on television. Most
of the time, we didn’t even have a telephone! Our toilet was a lilac bush at
the side of the house! Running water was provided by a well that often ran dry
during the summer and water had to be trucked in from town.

When
I became a teenager, I longed for the whirlwind of parties and fun that Gidget
experienced, but my life seemed both frightening and dull by comparison. This
was about this time that my father’s alcoholism became public knowledge and I
felt outcast as an undesirable because of it. Our family was focused on
survival rather than fun, and I began to feel as if I didn’t deserve success.

A negative self-image can become a self-fulfilling
prophecy. In other words, self-doubt is
a mindset that sets us up to fail. This type of negative self-perception tends to feed upon itself. We
begin to see the world in terms of experiences that solidify that perception
that we are not good enough. The core
emotion beneath self-doubt is fear. Even the most self-confident among us will
experience doubt from time to time. This dark shadow of insecurity can lead to
hesitation and indecision. If left
unchecked, it can cause us to abandon our course or radically compromise our
expectations. Like termites chewing away at the foundation of a strong
building, doubt can undermine our strongest beliefs. Oftentimes it is the only thing that stands
between where we are and where we want to be.

In
my case, I had always wanted to be a writer, but this endeavor was frowned upon
in my small community and I was afraid of the criticism I would receive. Women should be wives and mothers first, but
if they chose to work there were only three occupations that were considered
suitable for women: teacher, secretary,
or nurse. Since teaching was the closest thing to writing, I chose to major in
English and teach others to become writers!

If we give into the temptation to ignore or deny
self-doubt, it will impose limits on our ability to act. Self-doubt can be a
stealthy problem. The more I studied and read the great works of other writers;
I began to doubt my ability to produce anything of quality and thus, became paralyzed
to act on my ambitions. It seemed that anything I wrote sounded trite and
forced rather than real and natural. So I gave up.

So now, in the autumn of my life, I have decided to
face my fears and meet my feelings of doubt head on. Normally, feelings
override logic, but questioning the validity of feelings brings them within the
reach of reason. For nearly forty years I have forced myself to approach life
from the viewpoint of logic and reason.
In the process, I lost contact with my creative side and yet this is
where my natural inclination lies. Rediscovering my creativity and imagination
has been difficult to say the least!

For most people, self-doubt is just a temporary
condition. Successful people think of it as a speed bump on the road to
success. I believe that if I can take the bump in stride, then I can put the pedal
to the metal, and go for it! Success will be within my grasp!

One would never have known you have had self-doubt. I view you as a strong leader I have respected since we first met. Loved our time together in early April. You are the best! What a writer! An inspiration to many, especially, me.

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About Me

Wanda Pyle grew up on a farm in the Flint Hills of Kansas and draws upon this background in much of her writing. She is currently living with her husband in Claremont, California. She enjoys reading, writing and spending time with her grandchildren. Her debut novel chronicles the lives of three generations of women through economic hardship, war, and eventually, self-reliance. She is currently at work on her second novel.