A woman goes to her boyfriends parents house for Christmas dinner.This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.She is also feeling a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and thebroccoli casserole.

The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice,she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn'tloud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father lookedover at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in arather stern voice, "Skippy!"

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. Thistime, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrriiip.

The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few minutes later the woman had tolet another rip.This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a trainwhistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shts on you!"

An old lady is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away.She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband.The instant she saw him she starts crying. One of the undertakers strides up to providecomfort in this sombre moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset becauseher dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.The undertaker apologises and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in black,but he'd see what he could arrange.

The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert beforehis funeral the following day.When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert isresplendent in a smart blue suit.

She says to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?""Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought inand he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wantedto be buried in a black suit", the undertaker replied.

The wife smiled at the man.

And then he continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads"

A Yorkshire lad's wife dies one day and he decides to have something fitting engraved on her headstone. He decides upon 'She were thine' and trundles off t'engraver to get t'job done.

On the day before t'funeral, he goes into t'engraver to have a look at his work. T'engraver pulls out the headstone and, to the lads horror, he has put 'She were thin' on it. 'Hey, you daft get', he says, 'you missed out an E. Have it fixed and I'll be back in t'morning to get it'.

The next morning, he comes back in to pick up the headstone, lift's it up and reads the passage.

'E, she were thin'.

A Yorkshire lads dog dies one day and he decides, as a tribute, to have a model of the dog cast in gold so he can still keep his little pal around. He goes off to the goldsmith and tells him what kind of thing he's after, 'D'you want 18 carot?' asks the goldsmith. 'No, you daft get,' he replies, 'I want it eatin a bone'.

(Apologies for the appalling grammar and shocking attempt at a Yorkshire accent joke!)