I think all TV chefs should be rounded up and jailed, then only let out if they can justify their takeover of our tellies.

If I had my way, Marco Pierre White would be left in there to languish. His pointless Channel 5 show is just a bad rehash of other series like MasterChef and Hell’s Kitchen, with him reaching new heights of pantomime villainy as he struts around, menacingly brandishing a knife. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so pathetic.

Meanwhile Gordon is taking the Jamie Oliver philanthropic route of trying to do some good in the world. “I’m giving my time and energy,” he declares, though I’m not convinced by this new saintly and serious side to Gord. He’s really just making a TV show after all.

It is rather fun, though, to see him looking vulnerable as he tries to teach prisoners at HMP Brixton to cook. He laughs nervously at their jokes as he learns how someone has had their throat slit.

Channel 4’s Gordon Behind Bars is worthy enough but it’s all a bit dull and boring. Trying to inject some drama to the proceedings, the first of two programmes ended on the bombshell that – wait for it – one of the wannabe chefs had stolen some garlic. Gosh.