Saturday, April 19, 2014

Don’t let Paucity of
imagination rob you of a bright and fulfilled future

Failure of imagination
(FOI) stands as the second most critical factor denying many of us a
bountiful life. The first is laziness. The reason why I place FOI
second is that people who are up and doing and who take risks often
stumble into a good thing. However with your imagination you can
create a vision for your future and then follow after this step by
step till you reach your goal.

Caridad and Matthew Modine

One thing I am coming
to an awareness of is that if you are consistent in working hard and
not being a lazy procrastinator you don’t have to always been on
top gear. Your prior efficiency has a way of filling the gaps for you
in the case of some lapses or when you are not 100. You will be
pleasantly surprised when you expect to put in much energy only to
realize that you are reaping the rewards of past hard work when certain
things just come together for you or roll into your hands. Also there are what I call 'kingpin'
areas in our lives that enable us achieve results across the board. A
slim fit body will help you in your career, in dating and romance and
with a boost of confidence in a variety of areas of life and so will
an educated mind, that's why you need to identify these 'king pin'
areas and attend to them.

FOI is the inability to
imagine a better future, which is the first step to creating it. If
you accept things as they are; in other words, cant imagine a better
situation, there is a good chance that your actions and activities
will only help entrench the situation you are in permanently. No
matter how many times you fall when moving towards a dream for
yourself, you must get up, dust up and try again. It could be
dieting, having a spouse, a baby, a new job or house, whatever it is,
you must get up and keep at it. That’s what life is about anyway,
working towards a better future, its an unending cycle until we are
over and out.

It is so easy to see
the status quo as unmovable and set when actually it can transform.

A few days ago the
issue of black girl woes in campuses was raised once again in a
face-book group that I am a member of. We all know the story; black
girls are shunned by all the males in the school who look past them
to other races of women, even the most polished and most put together
black girls. We have been talking about this for years now and each
time we think about how the individual black woman needs to go off
campus to break from the situation, we have even advised black girls
to wait it out saying to them that after university men develop more
backbone about what they want in women and become less trend-led.

In a way I agree that
men who have developed character and individuality are more likely to
be open to black women and indeed form the ideal partners for them
and this is a plus (black women's interracial unions tend to be the
most enduring), but I became a bit worried about the idea of saying
to black girls 'wait' especially as being part of the social loop in
university goes beyond simply relationships but is so very vital in
making connections and networks that serve black women for their
career lives etc. Being shunned on the relationship level by their
male peers is in a sense an indicator that they will also be left out
of important loops when it comes to profitable social and career
networks which will impact severely on their career achievements
beyond university.

We need a better
solution than advising individual black girls to 'wait' or 'go off
campus,' what we need as a new culture to prevail where black girls
are naturally included as normal and natural parts of the campus
ecosystem. It is the failure of imagination as to how this could be
achieved including the function of activists who change perception
and foster inclusion. And no this isn’t about black women 'doing
all the work' and changing social climates isn’t a new phenomenon,
indeed working on integration and diversity is something already
being done on campuses including for LGBT students and the situation
they often face.

It is however not
simple to put directly the case of 'black women should be included in
the dating options of males on campus.' There is no surer way to
possibly put people off you on in the romantic realm than to make it
an issue of obligation, fairness and equality. Romance doesn't work like that. I also
don’t believe that black girls are without their own inherent
attraction there in the men around them. I believe that factors
derived from the overarching racio-misogynic setup is producing a
screen and filter to the charm, attractiveness and beauty that is to
be found in black women and black women can help the situation out effectively just as they can take a wet sponge to a dirty window and remove the grime to let the sunlight through.

So if we cant address the issue in terms of
'awareness raising' and the likes, black women must act radically and
with stealth to upend the current 'invisibiling' status quo they are
experiencing. Black girls need to learn to crash parties, create a
brand, a buzz, to put themselves on the map. I am at this point too
far removed from the university campus life to even begin to make
some useful suggestions but I know that with social media and all the
technology available to young people today, a change can be made. If
we let it slide or put up with it because of our own failure of
imagination as the older sisters, it doesn’t mean that young black
girls have to resign to their fate. They should take up the mantle
and the charge to carve out a new reality for themselves. It would
also be much more effective if a group of black girls understood the issue
they faced and combined their efforts to changing things.

I am curious to know
any thoughts readers have on what can be done.

I will be away from base for a while so next post is 4th May 2014

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Hi I am Halima AndersonI am an author with a passion for the relationship 'well-being' of black women, hence the writing of the book, "Supposing I wanted to Date a White Guy...? It is important for me to specify that this blog is for women who are new to interracial dating or who still have struggles with the idea and want to see if it is a thing for them. This category of black women will be my primary focus!If you are already in an IR or are open to the idea, I wish you good luck!

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