#16. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new, they'll stretch after you wear them a while."#14. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."#11. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anythingI want to on the ticket, huh?"#10.
"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help.Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"#9. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."#8. "The answer to this last question will determine weather you are drunk or not.Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"#7.
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."#5. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."#4. "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"#3. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."#2. "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."AND THE WINNER IS...#1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

#16. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new, they'll stretch after you wear them a while."#14. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."#11. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anythingI want to on the ticket, huh?"#10.
"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help.Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"#9. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."#8. "The answer to this last question will determine weather you are drunk or not.Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"#7.
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."#5. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."#4. "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"#3. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."#2. "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."AND THE WINNER IS...#1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

#16. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new, they'll stretch after you wear them a while."#14. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."#11. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anythingI want to on the ticket, huh?"#10.
"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help.Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"#9. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."#8. "The answer to this last question will determine weather you are drunk or not.Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"#7.
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."#5. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."#4. "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"#3. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."#2. "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."AND THE WINNER IS...#1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

'My mother?' spluttered Roger, 'How could she do that when she is on holiday on the other side of the world?'

'I know.' Norma gulped, 'But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious.'
'And?'
'At the end of the letter it was written:
Dear Norma , When you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son, Roger.'

Answer :An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was drunk on
Scottish whiskey: followed closely by
Italian Paparazzis in
Japanese motorcycles; treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines.

And moreover this is sent to you by an
INDIAN,
using American
(Steve job's) technology, and you're probably reading this on your iPhone or Samsung or blackberry , that use
Taiwanese chips, and a
Korean screen, assembled by
Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by
PAKISTANI lorry-drivers, .... . That is
"" Globalization

"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he
set the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago..."
"Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted.
I said, "No, everything is fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I'm sure," I said.
"Isn't there anything I can do for you???" she wanted to know.
"I reckon not," I replied.
"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What the hell does this story have to do
with your broken leg?!?!?"
"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me
what she meant, I fell off the roof!"

A lovely young Jewish girl was employed by a clothing firm in New York.

She and her widowed mother shared the same ambition: marriage to a
wealthy man. One day she returned from work, eyes red from crying.

As soon as she entered the apartment she called, "MAMA, I'm pregnant!

Don't get excited. The father is my boss." She began to sob uncontrollably
while her mother tried to console her. The next morning, the mother charged into the office of the boss. "YOU," she shouted, "What's
going to be?"

The elegantly attired man, handsome and unmarried and in his mid
thirties, held up his hand: "Please take a seat, Mrs. Horowitz. I'm making all the arrangements. Your daughter will have the best doctor money can buy before the baby is born. She'll be in the best hospital. And afterward, I am arranging for a trust fund for her where she will receive a check for twenty five hundred dollars a week." The mother was taken aback and thought for a moment.

"Tell me," she said, "God forbid, she should have a miscarriage, will you give her another chance?"

A man at a nudist camp got a letter from his mother asking for a
picture. Since the only pictures he had were taken in the nude, he cut
one in half and mailed her the part showing only from the waist up.

His mom wrote back after receiving the photograph and said, "Thanks for the picture. Can you send one to Grandma too?"

The
guy thought, since Grandma can't see well, I'll just give her the
bottom half, and he sent it. After getting her grandson's picture, she
wrote to him and said, "Nice picture, but your hairstyle sure makes you
nose look long."

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like
forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing.
Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on Earth are you taking
so long to make this shot?"

"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make
this shot a good one," said Bob.

"Good Lord," said David, "you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here."

Suffering from a bad case of hemorrhoids, a gay fellow goes to see his doctor. After his examination the physician prescribes suppositories twice a day.

When
it comes time to use the first suppository the young man is concerned
he will do it wrong. So he goes into the bathroom, bends over and looks
through his legs into the mirror to line up the target.

His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen.
"You
naughty boy!" she screamed, "How can you say to your aunt that she's
ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you're sorry!"

Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, "Aunt Tess, I am sorry you're so ugly."

While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, "Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?" "Why Yes, John, that would be nice," said Marie.

Well, John couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at Marie said, "Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?"

Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes."Hey, Marie," said John, "Would you like a smoke?"

"Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car and was driving Marie home when they passed the Holiday Inn. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.

"Hey, Marie," said John, "how would you like to stop at this motel with me?"

"Sure, John, that would be nice," said Marie.

Well, John couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in with Marie.

The next morning John got up first. He looked at Marie lying there in the bed.

"What have I done? What have I done?" thought John.

He shook Marie and she woke up. "Marie, I've got to ask you one thing,said John. "What are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

Marie said, "The same thing I always tell them......... You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time.

In a rich residential colony, all
daughters-in-law once decided to send their mothers-in-law for outing
and picnic for a change. Accordingly, they hired a bus and packed their
mothers-in-law for a good time.

As luck would have it, the bus
met with an accident and all the ladies died. There was chaos in the
colony and the women were weeping for the deceased. One woman in
particular, was crying bitterly and could not be solaced by others.

One daughter-in-law asked: “Were you really that close to your mother-in-law?”