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Wondering if its worth saving

Husband and I are separated. He lives with his parents, is 49 and I am 33. He has no job, does not pay child support but baby sits while I work. He says that he loves me and wants us to get back together but I told him that I won't even consider it till he gets a job or gets on disability. I filled out an online app for disability for him but he won't even talk to the social worker so I gave up trying. His brother's daughter is having a birthday party for her dad today and the whole family is invited. So my husband came to pick up the kids to take them to the party, I am not allowed to go. Over Christmas, he went to my families with me, but i was not invited. not wanted, at his families gatherings. They all think I am horrible because I moved out on my own and stopped paying his bills and he lost the house and had to move back in with his parents. He says that he loves me and wants to stay married that if it were up to him I would be invited to his families functions. I figured if he did love me that he would tell them that if they want him and the kids there that I should be invited too or that he won't come and neither will the kids but he won't tell them that. I am ready to just say to hell with it and file for divorce. We had talked about him moving back in with me if he got a job but his sister told him no, that his place was to take care of his parents. She even told him that he spends too much time watching the kids and that he should tell me to hire a babysitter. If his family didn't interfere we would never have had problems in the first place. If he can't be a man and tell his family to back off I don't need him. That's pretty much my decision...just wanted to get your guy's opinion on the situation, cause I think there is no more chance that it will ever work and I am done with him. Any Thoughts or arguments?

hmm the whole family thing pretty much suck ims sorry but they cant expect u to pay his crap! i would follow through on athe devorce if i knew absolutly knew there was no channce and do some sort of custody arrangements good luck mommy

So your not invited do they know he does not have a job and why not ? I would keep strong and keep on the path you are going on take care of your children and in reality he has not babysitting just taking care of his children.GL MOmma

Sounds like he needs to grow a pair and stick up for you if he really wanted things to work out.

But as to the job thing...my dad was in a really bad accident when I was younger. He never really was able to keep a job before that either, but he definitely can't take an actual job now. But, he does do random jobs. And I believe he's on disability. So that part I would say wasn't a deal breaker, only because I've kinda been there. Definitely he needs to get on disability if he cannot work, though. But the whole not sticking up for you with his family...that's the deal breaker. Tell him I said he needs to grow a pair and act like your husband and not their brother/son if he ever wants it to work out.

he had a job that he worked at for 8 mths..before that he was in a job for 14 years then the company shut down. My father died in 2008 and my husband started calling off work and slacking on the job and they fired him. He went through my fathers inheritance in three months and I had to go out and get another job after just having our son. Now he says that he can't work because he had depression and anxiety and he is on meds for it. His family told him that he should not have to work that It is my job to take care of him since he is "sick" but I am on meds for depression, anxiety, Borderline personaility disorder plus I have arthritis in one knee and an injury in the other from a car accident and I work as a nurses aide because someone has to support my kids. So I don't know. He does what ever his family says.

Comment by
Anonymous
(original poster)
at 4:21 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

He went to put applications in once and his sister told him that he can't get a job because he needs to take care of his parents as they refuse to get a nurse aide to come to their home. Mean while, he is ordered to pay child support and can't and his sister told him NOT to file his income taxes because the unemployment he got last year he can claim and then they would send me his return to pay the back child support he owes and she told him that I don't deserve the money so he won't file his income taxes.

Comment by
Anonymous
(original poster)
at 4:23 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

If he doesn't file by April 15th, I would contact either a lawyer or the IRS (a lawyer should know how to contact IRS). He can get into serious trouble! And his sister needs to realize...child support is suppose to help SUPPORT THE CHILD. If he loved you, then he would be doing everything to help you out, and that includes any monetary expenses :/

Run.
You left him for a reason and it sounds like you were right on target. This guy has got to get a life on so many levels. You're asking for a world of hell if you get back together. It'll be better to go it alone at this point. I feel bad for him a little, sounds like he's got pressure from his family but he's way too old for this. Move on.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 6:23 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

First of all his family, sister needs to mind her own business and get her own life and if your husband wants his marriage to work he needs to stand up to his family and tell him your his wife and if they want to see him then they need to accept you (even if they don't like you). Maybe he is trying to show off and be strong in front of them, but he needs to realize your his first priority....He needs a job or get his disability don't take him back until he gets his shit together and puts you and the kids first otherwise things will never change.....Hope all turns out well