Our warmest farts wishes go out to First Drunk Girl Daughter Jenna Bush, who just announced her engagement to some conservative tool in khaki pants Henry Hager. I think it’s safe to say that their children will not be as cute as the rightful-First Daughter Sarah Gore’s and new husband Bill Lee’s offspring…

…but I’m sure that what the future Bush-Hager spawn lack in looks, they will make up for mightily in brains.

Keep up the good work, Jenna! You are truly an inspirasian to fat, drunken, sloppy, dumb, average-looking, useless girls around the world!