Porn – Harmless Fun or Negative Culture Shaper? - from Em and Lo

We've always been torn by porn. We're not fans ourselves, but we're not comfortable dictating where to draw the line for other people's fantasies either. So it was with great interest that we read this Guardian interview with Gail Dines, author of the new book "Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality," along with the critical Publisher's Weekly review of it on Amazon. We know the majority of readers of EMandLO.com and visitors to EdenFantasys.com are probably pro-porn, but figured many of you also have reservations about a lot of it. How it both positively AND negatively affects our desires, our expectations and our relationships. Rarely is any issue just black and white, and porn's no exception (despite this post's title). So we wanted to hear from you about the gray areas. Let's us know all your thoughts on porn -- the good, the bad, the ugly!

Porn certainly distorted my view of sex from the first time I watched it (around 17) because I thought all women cum every time they have sex, that cum will taste great, and that a heavy pounding is fun. Not so! Seldom have I seen the actors use toys, unless it's girl-on-girl, woman alone, or fetish.

There is so much more to a healthy, happy, sex life than getting pounded, and porn often leaves that out. It concentrates on the visual rather than the emotional, and I need the emotion present, which is why I've always been more of a fan of soft porn (9.5 weeks, etc..) rather than classic stuff. Granted, depending on the director, it is improving, but much of it is still degrading to women in my opinion.

I wish more local libraries would carry books as such, but understandably, they don't. I just picked up 4 from Amazon, included the one mentioned above in addition to some on open relationships and the myth of monogamy. Those should keep me busy since there's a waiting list for the True Blood books at my local library.

JR, don't be afraid! But yeah, those were scary! No wonder why they dubbed it "muff-diving".

I'm not necessarily qualified to answer this, but I too have reservations about the expectations generated by porn. I'm also unsure about the argument that it can expand people's sexual horizons since that is often followed by something along the lines of "but don't do what you see in porn the way you see it in porn because it's porn, not reality."

Personally I'm more of a fan of "how to books" with drawings instead of pictures. There are some things that are hard to explain that way, but it's easier for me to be able to flip back and forth.

I wish more local libraries would carry books as such, but understandably, they don't. I just picked up 4 from Amazon, included the one mentioned above in addition to some on open relationships and the myth of monogamy. Those should keep me
...

I wish more local libraries would carry books as such, but understandably, they don't. I just picked up 4 from Amazon, included the one mentioned above in addition to some on open relationships and the myth of monogamy. Those should keep me busy since there's a waiting list for the True Blood books at my local library.

JR, don't be afraid! But yeah, those were scary! No wonder why they dubbed it "muff-diving".

maybe with a snorkle in some cases!

Sookie books: Great! I'm on "From Dead to worse". There are a LOT of changes in this one. ENJOY!

I think porn has the potential to be positive, but the vast majority of stuff out right now doesn't cut it. I'm fairly certain it had a negative impact on my developing sexuality (I discovered it around age 9). It even made me think I was submissive, though I later discovered I am most certainly not.

I think porn, like music or any other form of entertainment, is often rutted. It is also heavily influenced by the culture(s) around it. Because of this, it makes people assume that what is shown is the ONLY way to be sexual.

For example, many men may assume that all women LOVE facials since, after all, porn stars engage in it. Or, that all men/women shave their pubic hair. We all know that many of these things are up to each individual, so the combination between real couples in real relationships should be the rule, not just "what they do in the movies".

While porn can be picked apart on many levels, there's also a simple core to it: arousal. If it gets people aroused - whether it's BDSM, big breasts, gay/lesbian, anal, hardcore, orgies, or just couples porn- and assists them in their intimacy with one another, then it has succeeded. The rest is all "bells and whistles".