"Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you are taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with"- Carrie Bradshaw

Your problems can’t all be solved with Self Care…

They say all you need is a mask and a good self-help book to solve all of your problems. Not to mention the red wine that should be a staple in your fridge after a long day. Self-Care is great but at what point does self-care become an avoidance of what’s really going on? At what point do you admit that you have a problem?

Now I know you are probably thinking, you always need self-care! Which is very true but it should be to actually take care of your mind, body and spirit and not used as a cover up for lingering issues. Retail therapy is the perfect example. You may need to de-stress by buying yourself a nice dress or a new bag. But if every time you get paid, you are going to the mall to spend money or buying unnecessary things and blaming it on stress relief, Houston you have a problem.

I think we often forget to identify with our actual problems we just brush it off and run a bath and “self-care” it away. What is causing you the stress and how can you get to the root of the problem? You may be stressed out because you are at a job that you hate. But do you actually hate the job because it doesn’t suit you or are you not doing the work? Sometimes we can pass off our laziness as it “not working out”. Or is it that you spend all of your money on clothes because you have self-esteem issues and you are looking to keep up with the joneses? Social media can make you feel like you are behind, when in actuality you may be better off than most of the people you follow.

Have you healed your heart? Working on healing from the past can be instrumental in your growth. Sometimes, you don’t realize how much hurt and pain may still resonate with you after a bad breakup. You may walk around angry for no reason because you are still harboring those feelings. Try switching up your self-care routine.

Journaling: Write down the things that have been bothering you, then write down all that you are grateful for. You will see just how minuscule the problems are to the things that make you smile.

Meditation: Sitting in a calm room, listening to smooth music, with a candle may just be what you need to really relax your mind. I am big on manifesting and this is the perfect time to get in line with what you need to do to make your dreams and visions come true.

Therapy: As you know I am a therapy advocate. Talking to a third party can really help you sort out what is going on. Your employer also may have an employee assistance program that will allow you up to 6 free visits.

Music: Sometimes you have to cry it out while singing Beyoncé. Music has a way of helping us express ourselves but just be conscious of what you are listening too when you are going through the motions. If you listen to too much Future you will be out here acting rich and drip too hard to the mall and be broke.

This is not to say throw away your face masks but it’s just to help you realize that sometimes self-care includes actually taking care of the pain.