Abby: Man needs to tell truth about abuse

Published 6:30 am, Thursday, December 11, 2008

Dear Abby:

I am a 33-year-old man who has never been in a serious relationship until now. I have been seeing “Stephie” for eight months and think I may be in love with her.

I have successfully managed to evade Stephie’s questions about my past and got away with it until recently. She keeps asking me about the scars on my body. (I was physically abused by my parents when I was a child.) Regrettably, I lied to her about the nature of the scars.

Stephie wants to be married and start a family, and so do I. She wants her kids to have a great dad, and I think I can be a very good parent. I would never do what was done to me.

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On the one hand, I want an open, honest relationship with her. On the other, I’m afraid if I tell her the truth she will leave me.

My parents are both dead now, so I could continue to lie without Stephie ever knowing.

But I get the feeling she doesn’t entirely believe what I’ve been telling her.

SURVIVORin Ohio

Dear Survivor:

Because you are discussing a future together, it’s time to level with Stephie about everything.

That you would not want to discuss this painful subject at the beginning of a relationship is understandable. But please do not continue the deception.

Yes, telling her may be risky.

However, if she loves you, she will accept you just the way you are.

And if she isn’t up to the challenge, it’s better to find out now before becoming any more involved.

Dear Abby:

We have known “Lois” and her husband for more than 30 years.

They no longer live in this city but visit occasionally. When they do, we always invite them to stay in our home.

On their last visit, Lois was talking about her only child, “Deidre,” whom I have always liked. Lois, out of the blue, began chuckling and then told me that Deidre does a good imitation of me. Lois sat there giggling for a few minutes, then said that Deidre sounded almost as much like me as I do.

Frankly, I was taken aback that someone would do an imitation of me. I got the impression that Deidre has been doing my “act” for a while, and I found it disturbing.

JOKE’S ON ME

Dear J.O.M.:

I think you should have asked your friend Lois to clarify her remark at the time she made it.

But because you didn’t, bring it up the next time you talk to her and let her explain what was so funny.