Why Do You Want to Be Rich?

I’m not the only one who has been thinking about the relationship between money and meaning lately. This is a guest post from CJ at WiseMoneyMatters.com, who is trying to live a rich life even as he works to pay down debt.

â€œWealth and riches are not synonymous. Wealth will get you riches, but riches will never make you wealthy.â€ â€“ Dr. Edwin Louis Cole

I love this quote from Dr. Edwin Louis Cole because it gives me a heart check. It helps me understand my motives for doing what I’m doing.

You see, my goals are to become completely debt-free. I’m getting closer and closer to that goal. Within the last few months, I downsized my house, doubled my income, and was able to pay off all of my debts except for the mortgage. So now all I have left is about $100,000 to pay off before I am completely debt-free.

In order to get to those goals, I’m working extra hard. I work a job that has a great schedule: ten hours a day, four days a week. While that’s nice, it’s 45 minutes away, so I get very little time with my wife those four days.

Then I use my three-day weekends to work on side jobs. I’m a D.J. and videographer for weddings. I also work on my blog, WiseMoneyMatters.com. I do everything possible to earn extra money to help pay down debt.

And, of course, I try to be as frugal as possible. My wife and I are on a strict budget. We each get $100 per month for play money (this includes new clothes, eating out, coffee, etc). Groceries are limited to $200 per month. Everything else goes towards bills or savings.

Be careful what you wish for
I’m on the right track toward getting out of debt and becoming rich. I’m doing all of the right things. But why? Why do I want to be debt-free? Why do I want lots of money? I know intellectually that money doesn’t always bring happiness, yet we all strive for more of it, and sometimes at the expense of our own families.

I know too many guys who have built very successful businesses and made large amounts of money and had their family fall apart. I used to be envious of them and what they had. Now I just feel sorry for them.

They wanted riches so bad that it consumed them. They have nice houses and brand-new cars, yet are completely alone. Many celebrities find themselves in similar circumstances.

I hear stories all of the time on personal finance blogs and podcasts about how the drive to get out of debt causes significant conflicts in the home. One spouse goes crazy frugal while the other is a spendthrift. Money-related issues are the leading cause of divorce these days.

What’s the point?
Let’s say I accomplish my goal of becoming completely debt-free. What then? What will I do with all of that extra money? I’ll probably save for retirement. That’s the next logical step, right? But it all just seems so superficial.

I’m spending my whole life working my butt off so I can be lazy the last 10-20 years of my life. Something about that just doesn’t sit right with me.

I want for there to be more purpose in life than just a selfish dream of ultimate laziness. I want to make a difference in this world. I want my life to be meaningful.

My purpose
My wife and I decided to give our money away. If we’ve been blessed this much, I feel it’s important to bless others.

We have set aside 20% of our income just for giving to charity. My wife takes girls from our church youth group out to lunch. She just talks with them and helps them through those tough situations that come up for teenagers. We sponsor a girl in India via Compassion International. We give to Teen Challenge to help teenaged boys with drug addictions. We donate both our time and money because time is as valuable (or more so!) as money. I tutor some of the boys in math every Friday. And, finally, we give to our church and to our community.

We also set aside $100 per month for date nights as my family is of utmost importance to me. We take out my wife’s 11-year-old brother every week. He comes from a broken home where his mother is addicted to drugs and brings new boyfriends home all the time. He needs a little stability.

I can tell you that I find so much more satisfaction seeing people’s lives changed than I do watching my mortgage go down another $1,000. I find I am much wealthier than I can imagine, even if I might not be considered â€œrichâ€.

Now don’t get me wrong: We are still saving and planning to pay off our mortgage early. Those things are very important to us. But without a purpose, they don’t really matter.

Don’t let the prospects of tomorrow come at the expense of today.

What’s your purpose?
So I challenge you: What’s your purpose?

If all of your dreams come true and you pay off debt and make millions of dollars, what’s the point? Is it to satisfy your selfish desires? Or are you going to make a difference? Are you going to pursue those riches at the expense of your family? Or will you set boundaries in order to spend time with the kids, and to take your wife on dates?

Why do you want to be rich?

CJ’s article reminds me of another guest post from last December, in which Jeremy M. asked, “What’s your why?”

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My goal is not to be rich, but to lived a well-proportioned life. I do not want debt because I prefer to be the master of my own finances. I want to have enough to have a car, house, go on some trips to Europe, retire when I am young and then do some philanthropic work. My plan is to die not with a lot of money, but with many spiritual riches that will never die. I want to give a rich legacy of dependability, helping others and minimal aesthetic living to my children. I only want to be rich in the sense that I have little debt and have enough to share with others. This end of life has much more to offer than just working and gathering earthly riches. It’s about helping my fellow brothers and sisters, to help spread God’s word and do what is expected of me in this life. I know that me striving to get more money will bring me none of these things. Instead, being a good steward will.

I don’t believe there is a ‘purpose’. We live, we die, some stuff happens inbetween, and there’s no heaven or hell. I don’t want kids, and I don’t have the ego to want to be ‘remembered’ or ‘make a difference’. So for me, it’s selfish reasons. I intend to be debt-free by the age of 40 (mortgage included) and have enough invested to be able to do whatever I want. Whatever’s left when I die will go to charity.

This is exactly what many of us need to hear. I spent the first 6 years of my marriage mindlessly achieving goals in pursuit of happiness. But there was less and less happiness involved as time went on. The goals weren’t enough. Without a deeper meaning, there would always be something else around the bend, some other measure of dissatisfaction. This kind of thinking can lead you into the dark alleys of life and suck the joy right out of living.

Accomplishing things is not the path to happiness, at least not in and of itself. Goals are important, but it’s much more vital to bring purpose and meaning to everything you do. Then, even if you never achieve your goals, you will have had an incredible journey anyway.

We are now on the journey of bringing purpose into our lives, in every moment possible. It’s a learning process, I’ll admit, but already my life has a deeper level of happiness to it I have never experienced before.

Being rich is the same thing as not owing money to other people. A man who owns a home is already rich because he can live rent free for the rest of his life. If he has a kid then that’s a whole different story.

You are richer than most in that you value your family and community. If everyone did this I feel we would all be a wealthier nation, world.

In the fifties before credit cards people lived closer to their income levels.

No matter the economic level problems will always arise, people will cope, but if they focus on smiling their stress level would drop as they cope with the changes.

When was the last time you saw someone hold hands with their sweetheart?

So smile at someone today, enjoy a good joke, sing along with a song, hug you spouse and children, listen to the birds sing with taking a walk, surprise your neighbors by waling hand in hand. Not one of the activities above cost a dime but they make you wealthier.

This is an interesting perspective to me. I got caught on one line, about working hard now so we can be lazy for 20 years after we retire. I look at it a different way: I’m working hard and saving for retirement now so that when I can’t work anymore, I won’t die if I come down with pneumonia. I don’t look at it as wanting to be rich rich rich because money will solve all of my problems. But there are some specific financial problems that money CAN solve, and those happen to be some things that I’m particularly afraid of. So that’s why we save at my house!

I want to be rich so that I don’t have to “worry” about money and invest my time elsewhere like educating people in rural India.I have been blessed to come this far to this country and get a good education,I beleive I should give back to the community.

Like others I don’t ever want to worry about money. If I need something – food, shelter, clothing, etc – I want to be able to purchase it without it impacting my life financially. The problem is knowing how “rich” you need to be. If I knew how long I was going to live and what type of care I might need at the end of my life my problem would be solved, but no one knows that.

But as I’ve progressed in my goals (no debt but a mortgage, increased emergency fund, increased retirement and other savings) I can honestly say I’m happier. It isn’t the money, it’s the security that money brings.

Commenting on what retired said above “In the fifties before credit cards people lived closer to their income levels.”

I read somewhere that the reason for this is TV. In the 50s and earlier people lived in neighborhoods with people of like means and compared themselves and their possessions to what their neighbors (of like means) had. Their evening activities were usually walking, visiting with neighbors or visiting on the front porch. All of these tended to make you “compare” yourself to your neighbors.

But when TV came along we started to compare ourselves to Ricky & Lucy or Mary Tyler Moore or the kids on Friends. Now can you honestly imagine Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe affording that apartment in Manhattan with the jobs they had? So we had unrealistic expectations of what our socioeconomic class provided due to television.

It is also interesting to note that this is when larceny numbers began to increase as well and some have contributed this directly to what I discussed above. We want those unrealistic expectations and the only way it seems to get them is to steal.

I don’t want to be rich. What’s the point of amassing tremendous wealth?

Instead, I want to be intentional. It is important to me that the resources I have are used in a way consistent with my life and my family’s philosophy. We put our money where our mouth is, which stands in the way of being rich.

My wife, with a chemical engineering degree, now is home and homeschools our children. We’d have lots more money if she worked, but our values don’t equate to her working. We downsized to one car – a 1980 Mercedes 240D – because we want to encourage ourselves to use public transporation and to bike. We grow food in our greenhouse & community garden, which is more expensive (when you factor time) than just buying it from the fruit stand.

So no, I don’t want to be rich. I want to live congruent to my philosophy in a balance with everything else.

I was daydreaming about this recently, actually: having enough income and time to give to causes that are important to me. Right now we’re living paycheck-to-paycheck, we’re both in school, and what little time we have left we want to spend together, because, like this poster, our marriage is the most important thing we have going on. It troubles me that I can’t respond to the appeals from my favorite causes for money or time, but I look forward to the day we can do that. I think that the ability to share what we have is true wealth.

…whatâ€™s the point? Is it to satisfy your selfish desires? Or are you going to make a difference?

That line strikes a sour note for me — it seems a little self-righteous. I’m not aiming to make millions of dollars, but if I was, what would be the harm in satisfying myself? (Take it as given my selfish desires would not include, say, hurting other people or wearing lots of jewels and furs so I could be snooty to everyone, or whatever.)

My goals in attaining wealth, such as it shall be, are pretty simple: stability and, as a previous poster notes, not dying of pneumonia in my broke old age. (Not dying is pretty self-serving.) Among them, though, is the idea that I want to have enough cash to buy a convertible sports car when I’m a cranky old lady. I want to finish my bachelor’s degree (and boy, if you don’t think that I’ll need to be wealthy to make that happen, you haven’t looked at tuition and books lately). Beyond that, I don’t really care; if I can keep my cats in kibble, and myself in Internet access, I’ll be doing fine. And as it is, I’ve set aside a percentage of my income that I increase annually that is for charity. But I don’t really care for the implication that a goal like my sports-car-as-an-old-lady goal is less worthy than what I should be doing, and so I should stop it, because self-service is wrong. Maybe I’m not the target audience for that remonstration, as I haven’t got a wife to ditch or kids to ignore, but it seems to me that the presumption that someone in search of money is probably doing it for the wrong reasons is, well, kind of snooty in itself.

I was actually never driven by accumulating wealth and have therefore lived my life up until now somewhat financially irresponsibly. I used to equate working for wealth as materialistic and competitive.

For the past year and half I’ve worked hard to bring down my debt and live within my means – primarily because as I’m getting older and now engaged to be married I have longer term goals that as important to me. I’ve gained an understanding that to have financial security can enable you to live out your values rather than have your values dictated by money.

Just this weekend I’ve had a lesson that has only increased my need to increase my personal wealth. My grandfather, who lives overseas, is on his deathbed. And I am not able to attend his funeral because I don’t have the money to buy a last minute plane ticket (~$1800). The fact that my debt is very directly getting in the way of me being with my family to celebrate my grandfather’s life and honor his death has provided me with an increased focus. I want wealth so that I can deal with emergencies without it causing too much financial difficulty.

“Iâ€™m spending my whole life working my butt off so I can be lazy the last 10-20 years of my life. Something about that just doesnâ€™t sit right with me.”

How about this, then…

I am spending my whole life working my butt off so I can be *free to do with my time what I wish* for the last 10-20 years of my life.

The point being that if you do not have to work, simply to eat, then you can work at whatever you wish (eg. charity, volunteering, or being lazy). When you lifestyle no longer demands you work (either because you live cheaply or have lots of money) then you are finally free to spend every moment the way that you like.

Thus, the point of working hard is to free yourself from the slavery of the necessity of a job and enter into the freedom of working (all the time) for those things about which you are passionate.

I want to be a healthy, wealthy woman. I define wealthy as many of your readers do: enough to live a comfortable life without worrying whether I’ll be able to get new shoes, replace the water heater, pay the gas bill, or fix the car. I have a job I love that rewards me with personal and professional satisfaction. I have time for the important things: gardening, reading, volunteering, and having thoughtful conversations with friends. It took time and effort to arrive at this point in my life. I count it time well spent.

An excellent message… :) I’m still a student right now (in India), and have a long long way to before I’m done with my education and set on a defined career path. So I guess my reasons for wanting to be wealthy would be to afford the best education, to be able to invest in a good home in the near future, and all the other ‘stuff’ that I guess any young person would aspire for. But I totally can relate to your views as well… I have always maintained that my Ultimate Goal in life is to build shelters (or at least ONE shelter!) for needy women and their children, and provide them the assistance to support themselves… I’m confident this will come to fruition, and that does make any wealth that I may accumulate in this lifetime a channel for God’s work in this world. Ultimately, I would like that the opportunities and resources I was blessed with be used to help not only me, but as many others as possible.

A lot of this came off as self-righteous twaddle. I see the ego-driven line “making a difference” as one of those “selfish desires”. Even though I have a good career where I do “make a difference”, I want to be financially secure so I can so I’m not sponging off society or well-meaning relatives (no kids, by choice) someday. But I like living well here and now because I don’t know how long I’ll be here. I’m fortunate that I can lead a life I want while paying off my debt and amassing savings AND giving some of my time and money away – that’s riches to me.

This is an excellent article. It is reminding us to have a purpose for our financial goals: hopefully giving back in ways that are meaningful to us while still providing adequately for our families and also making sure there is money for fun. Life needs balance in all aspects, and I think this piece is a great reminder that having loads of money in the bank (etc.) doesn’t yield a rich life when that cash flow comes at the risk of things that may truly make you happy (family and philanthropy).

I want money for me so I can open myself and my home for people I know who need a hand. I’ve been doing this for years and it’s alot more satisfying than giving $$ to a charity or church. Like the writer said, take someone out to lunch…or give someone a place to stay, or help someone navigate some of life’s more complicated landscapes. It’s easier to do that when you have money and don’t have to worry about paying the electric bill. I like being someone other people know they can turn to.

I don’t want to be rich, but I do want to be debt-free. My husband and I desire to be open and available to do whatever God calls us to without having the burden of debt to consider. We want to be able to give freely of our time and resources.

I like the idea of the above mentioned charity (Compassion International), but I was wondering if anyone here has heard of a similar charity organization that isn’t religion-based (Christian or otherwise). Possibly children.org … they used to be a Christian Ministry, but perhaps not anymore?

It’s interesting that you view living life on your own terms in the way you *would* live as “purposeful”, yet simultaneously view living life on your own terms in a way you would *not* live as “selfish.”

I’d say a pretty good “purpose” for you to strive for would be to learn not to look down on others for living their own lives.

It sounds like people are very lucky to have you in their life and you and your wife are acting as excellent role models.

I’m surprised that some people are miffed and think this post is self-righteous. It sounds like you have seen people cause damage to others and are intentionally doing what you can to help. Yay for that.

Excellent post! I agree, it is so important to keep in mind what we all are working so hard for.

For myself, being financially secure has primarily been a goal because of it allows security, for me and more importantly, for my children.

If you grow up poor, it is hard to forget what it’s like to not be able to buy the basic things you need. Just try going 20 yrs without dental care, for example. I don’t want my kids’ lives to be limited in that way. And personally, I don’t want to go there again myself, either.

I think the author kind of contradicted himself. He stated that he’s working “extra hard” to get rid of debt by working a 10 hr a day job (with a 45 min commute) and then spending his 3 day weekend doing side jobs. Then he goes on to talk about the importance of spending time with family instead of chasing money. Well, honestly I don’t see how he has extra time to spend with his wife when he’s working that much.

“Iâ€™m spending my whole life working my butt off so I can be lazy the last 10-20 years of my life.”

Yes. Years that you may or may not get. Like my friend Jenny, who died in a car wreck at 47 this month. Or the younger people who develop cancer and die before they even see 40. Nobody knows how much time they’ll get. A better objective would be to plan AS IF you’ll get those extra years, but live as if you might not. Balance.

I want to be wealthy but I don’t care about riches (material stuff) or displays of wealth. I simply want to be debt-free all of my life, but still have enough money to do the things I want to do, and live the life I want to live. If that includes buying a few things, it’s a bonus.

Firstly, my hat goes off to you for getting yourself in a situation where you are able to offer both time and money to good causes, whilst paying off your mortgage early. I believe giving to good causes is something we should all strive to.

So what is my purpose to want to be debt free? Well for me it is about gaining the financial stability which has been lacking for years. But also to get rid of that sickening feeling of dread when it comes to being in debt and realising that unless I work hard and live frugally now that situation will never be sorted.

After I achieve that it will be about living a full life while being in control of my finances, rather them controlling me. Hopefully this will also afford me the opportunity to give to the community which at the moment I am unable to do.

This post is a great reminder for me. Although I’m drowning in debt, attempting to build my own small business, I had temporarily forgotten to practice what I preach. This post prompted me to make 25.00 loan through Kiva … because so many others DO have it worse. The best part about doing this is, if the loan does manage to get repaid, I can just send it on to another deserving person. A hand up is always better than a hand out. http://www.kiva.org/ Just in case there are others of you who feel the same way.

I guess we look at it from the other direction. If you work hard at something that changes the world, getting rich is just one of the ways that the world lets you know you’ve done something right. As for working hard to enjoy the last 20 years, when you get to those last 20 years, it will probably seem like a pretty good idea! In the meantime finding a job you love and where you can really make a difference will make the work easy.

AS far as I see it, there is always going to be someone materially richer than me. So, while I enjoy the process of accumalating wealth, my husband and I contribute greatly to our church, and other nonprofits as we see fit. We also have 2 daughters that I would like to see through college, and make sure that they are not too far in debt. To me, that’s wealthy. We’ll be done with our mortgage by the time we are 50, so that will (hopefully) leave us time to volunteer, travel, and do what we would really like to do, when we want to do it. If that means going to the 3rd world, then we’ll do that. If that means volunteering locally, then we’ll do that. Without some level of wealth saved from years of frugality (we certainly don’t come from money!)it would be virtually impossible to have that kind of freedom.

And, of course, I try to be as frugal as possible. My wife and I are on a strict budget. We each get $100 per month for play money (this includes new clothes, eating out, coffee, etc). Groceries are limited to $200 per month. Everything else goes towards bills or savings.

Play money? Why are you playing with money when you are in debt? Your point is: saving money needs to have a purpose. The decision to spend or save is whether you want gratification now or later. HOWEVER, when you are in debt, it is not the same question. When you’re in debt, the question is whether you want less gratification now (by spending), or more gratification later (by paying off high-interest debt).

To be fair, you said you only have a mortgage left. But I assume you are trying to put forth a point for debt in general. If you have 20% interest rate on credit card, then spending $100 on eating out means you will LOSE $11.12 worth of spending power in 1 year. Put another way, you are paying $111.12 for $100 worth of restaurant food. If that $100 of food is worth $111.12 to you, then rock on; if it’s not, you should be delaying gratification and paying down the debt instead.

I know too many guys who have built very successful businesses and made large amounts of money and had their family fall apart. I used to be envious of them and what they had. Now I just feel sorry for them.

They wanted riches so bad that it consumed them. They have nice houses and brand-new cars, yet are completely alone.

Well, if you watch the news lately or read the popular blogs, you’ll see plenty of discussion about how CEOs are overpaid and don’t really do that much work. So which is it? The reality is that most CEOs do alienate their families, like you say. But while you’re feeling sorry for them, your life is much better because of them. Without CEOs there are no jobs, and without CEOs there is little innovation.

But more to your point, you believe family time is worth more than the extra money. That’s great and you should pursue your life based on that valuation. But why would you assume that everyone should have that same valuation? Why do you think that what makes you happy is what should make everyone happy? Our economy would never work if everyone valued everything the same. You shouldn’t be feeling sorry for people who have different values than you.

Whatâ€™s the point?
Letâ€™s say I accomplish my goal of becoming completely debt-free. What then? What will I do with all of that extra money?

All that extra money? You’re not getting any more money. You’re just finally living within your means.

Iâ€™ll probably save for retirement. Thatâ€™s the next logical step, right? But it all just seems so superficial.

Iâ€™m spending my whole life working my butt off so I can be lazy the last 10-20 years of my life. Something about that just doesnâ€™t sit right with me.

I want for there to be more purpose in life than just a selfish dream of ultimate laziness.

Saving for retirement has nothing to do with being lazy. It has to do with being personally responsible and saving money for a time when you cannot physically work hard enough to earn more money than it costs you to live. People with your attitude (what’s the point in saving for retirement?) are why we end up needing social safety nets and why I have to work twice as hard to save for my retirement as well as yours.

It’s not selfish to save for retirement; it’s responsible. It’s selfish NOT to save for retirement.

My wife and I decided to give our money away. If weâ€™ve been blessed this much, I feel itâ€™s important to bless others.

We have set aside 20% of our income just for giving to charity.

You’re in debt! You aren’t giving your money away; you are giving other people’s money away.

What you are doing is trading money for satisfaction. It doesn’t matter whether you are buying ice cream or donating to charities. You are spending money to get personal satisfaction. To suggest that giving money away while you are in debt is irresponsible. Again, to be fair, you said you just have a mortgage left, but it sounds like you are suggesting a general debt management plan, in which case this is not a responsible method.

Freedom is my purpose. There are some days I don’t feel like working. I’ve been in positions where someone I’ve worked with said or did something that angered me, and I had to bridle my tongue.

If you’ve ever been in a position where your livelihood depends on tap dancing for someone you can’t stand, you know why financial independence is important. Even if you love your current employer/customers now, that could change. Your boss could quit. You could get laid off. A customer could take their business elsewhere. Who knows? I want my investments to provide for me.

Additionally, I want to be wealthy enough to provide a separate living quarters for my mother on property I acquire in the future. I want to be able to send my currently nonexistent children to the college of their choosing. I want to help them purchase their first home. I want to see a need and fill it. I want to travel the world, eat at nice restaurants, attend sporting events, live shows, etc.

Even if you just want to sit on your bum all day, money gives you the freedom to do just that. Money is like a gun. It’s better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.

@39 (Jacqueline) It is very possible to spend $200 per month on groceries for two people. I know because we are a family of four (two adults, a 5-yr-old and 3-yr-old) and we spend $280 per month. I coupon a little, but I mainly plan our meals and buy frugally. I do not buy much processed food at all, avoid hydrogenated oil and high fructose corn syrup almost 100% of the time, eat mostly whole grains, fresh or frozen produce, and some meat almost every night of the week. It’s a juggling act sometimes, but it is entirely possible.

My goal of having $3-5 million in the bank by age 40-45 is so that I can WORK purely for the love of working, and not having to worried about finances and doing something wrong at work.

When I went to get my MBA part time at Berkeley, I LOVED school b/c grades didn’t matter. I was schooling purely for the sake of learning.

It’s the same thing for me going to a luxury car dealership. I enjoy looking, touching, sitting in, and occassionally test driving, but not buying even though I could pay up the 100K cash for a car, and still be fine.

Wealth is an individual concept. To each person wealth will mean something different. Yes money will make you more comfortable, and is excellent security. But if you end up alone are you truly wealthy?

Yes save your money live frugally but do not neglect your relationships, your health, or your peace of mind.

Charity begins in your heart, giving what you can whether it is money or labor is up to you. Sometimes charity is just the kindness of smiling at others when you have nothing else to give.

My husband has been ill for the last 6 years. The greatest gift anyone can give me is a smile. That small act of charity helps me to get through another day.

As to where you should give you time or money it is up to you. I never give to a phone solicitation. I check to see how much of my donation is being given to over head. I worked hard for what I give I want it to more. Usually a church has a lower overhead.

When we had our garden I would donate all my extra produce to the local soup kitchen.

Do I want acknowledgement for my charity work. No! It is personal to me.

Being rich to me is all about not having work to survive. You are free to throw yourself at your passions if money is not an issue. Some people are content with a life of working every day until they are old and feeble. I’m not one of them. From the day I started having to work for a living I realized that it was not something I wanted to spend my entire life doing.

I like this post. I want to have enough funds so I can stop working and devote most of my time to celiac education. Why do I mention this? It’s not to get personal recogniton as others have mentioned. It’s because 97% of the 3 million people who have celiac remain undiagnosed. I mention it any time I can to spread awareness. (If anyone has any unresolved health issues on anyone in their family with celiac or related conditions, they should read more on celiac.)

The reality is that so many people retire and then feel unfulfilled and “lazy” as the author mentioned. Clearly many people do have set plans, but this is a thought-provoking post for sure.

I’m surprised that no one mentioned anything about trying to get custody of the brother. If you want to change someone’s future, change your family’s. I’m not talking about weekly dinner. I’m talking about raising someone else’s child. That is a purely selfless act. It shouldn’t be that hard if the mother is an addict. I guess that’s what stuck out to me the most.

There was an incredible comic about two years ago: Berke Breathed’s ‘Opus’, where the punchline is that purposes are not found, they’re created – as he holds an umbrella over a sleeping child to keep her dry.

The image was a bit exaggerated, but I love the idea. We keep looking for a purpose to life, but how often do we create one?

Bill Gates has: leveling the playing field for children worldwide.
The Dalai Lama has: compassion.

And I find I’m at my best when helping people too. So I’d love to be financially free, so I could spend more of my time helping whoever I wanted, wherever and whenever I wanted.

You have to enjoy life folks! I’m going to pay the house off later this year and the wife and I are going to celebrate by flying first class to China. We are in our early 40’s and have never paid a penny in credit card interest. (We’re DINKs BTW…Double Income No Kids.) We really enjoy traveling and you can’t put a dollar value on life experiences.

This post was intersting to me because I was wondering what to do with the extra money. I’ll kick some more into the retirement fund, but I’m not going to obsess over it. Like someone posted above…you never know how much time you’re left with.

To quote from Breaker Morant…”Live every day as if it were going to be your last, for one day you are sure to be right.”

â€œIâ€™m spending my whole life working my butt off so I can be lazy the last 10-20 years of my life. Something about that just doesnâ€™t sit right with me.â€

How about, “I’m doing a job which I’m not going to be able to do when I’m at retirement age” (something physically demanding, or no job prospects for older people) so I’m saving up for when I’m no longer able to do this job. I don’t fancy working in a supermarket check-out just to pay the bills come age 70.

The idea that not being in debt somehow needs justification sound absurd to my European ears.

Why do I want a lot of money? Because I want to be master of my own time instead of being forced to sell my time. Time is a precious and finite resource. We can never buy more. So don’t get into debt because then you’re selling your future time and you might need it for yourself or your loved ones.

Thanks for all of the great comments. I’d like to address a few basic “self-righteous” comments. I don’t mean this in a self-righteous way though I can see how it could be taken that way. This was sort of a post aimed at myself rather than the world but I thought it could help others as well. Think of it more as a journal entry that I decided to post online. In that light, I hope you will see it less self righteous.

Someone mentioned that I contradict myself working so many hours but stressing the importance of family. That’s exactly my point. I want to be able to be home more. So it’s a struggle balancing family with trying to make money.

@Kelley #47
We actually have tried to get custody of my wife’s little brother. It’s a lot harder than you think. In fact we have called CPS 3 times (due to neglect) and had meetings with them as well as law enforcement who deal with such family situations. They basically all said that unless she is beating him (she’s not) that there’s not much they can do.

JD, thanks for finally giving us a post that suggests giving money away! Living frugally has let me live comfortably and save for the future while still having money left over to give to things I think are important.

And as for whether charity should be a quiet thing – sure, I would avoid bragging to friends about giving money away, but I also think it’s important that we create a culture of giving – it’s important for people to know that you can give away your money, and you can do it without being a saint. Set goals – give 20% of your money away – other people are doing the same thing.

I am still astounded by couples who manage to spend so little on groceries. My husband and I theoretically budget $400/mo for groceries, but generally ending up spending between $500 and $600. (For the record, this does include everything that we buy at the grocery store, including pet food, cleaning supplies, etc., but most of it is food). I’m sure that if one of us didn’t work, we could do it more cheaply. But we simply don’t have the time or the energy to commit to cooking on such a strict budget. Our food expenses are our biggest financial struggle these days.

I think that “ultimate laziness” is a really offensive way to describe retirement. It’s more accurate to say that saving for retirement is saving for financial security during a phase of your life when the aging process inevitably takes its toll and many people develop health problems that prevent them from working anymore.

Even absent serious health conditions, do you really want to be working at age 70? I think not. I doubt most of us will have the stamina for anything but a p/t job at that point.

So to prepare for 25 or 30 years in retirement (not 20) most people will have to work very hard to ensure they can fund that kind of lengthy time in retirement.

Doing something becus you want to is a lot different than doing something becus you have to, as well.

I save for retirement (an early one, at that) becus i’m tired of working for others’ goals, profits and objectives. I want to pursue my own interests and dreams without being at the beck and call of an employer.

I’m at such an early stage in my PF journey that I hadn’t even thought about being “rich”. I want to be spending money in alignment with my values, giving more to charity. I’d like to never stress about covering the bills as they come in, and to use money as a way to support green businesses and life choices.

But rich? I suppose if I do all these things well for long enough, I will eventually become rich. Hopefully that won’t change my life much.

I agree with the author’s point about balance — but I’d like to add that there’s more to retirement than just the financial planning angle.

Something people tend to forget is that statistically speaking, we can expect to spend ten years of our life with some kind of mental or physical disability. (Disability-free life expectancy falls short of life expectancy). Many of these health problems come from years of abuse we heap on ourselves — like a poor diet, lack of exercise, alienation from friends and family, and high stress levels.

My focus has always been to live within my means so I can make time for friends and family and to stay in good health. (And yes, that means giving up opportunities like working a second job). You can’t buy these things back no matter how much money have in retirement.

“Iâ€™m spending my whole life working my butt off so I can be lazy the last 10-20 years of my life. Something about that just doesnâ€™t sit right with me.”

Of course it doesn’t sit right! It’s a very uninformed way of looking at retirement. Most retired people I know are crazy busy with volunteering, learning, working on hobbies, travelling, spending time with their family and friends, etc. Seeing these people as “lazy” is to completely dismiss the contributions they’re making to their churches, communities and the lives of others.

In many cases, people who are retired are carrying the balance of volunteer work because working generations are “too busy” for things like that.

But I agree with the point about seeking balance right now. These busy people I know didn’t suddenly become that way at retirement. They made time (and room in their budget) for these things throughout their lives.

Love, it! I started Mountain Conditions with these exact thoughts in mind, how to become debt free while not sacrificing the family. We find things that are family friendly and free, like hiking, biking and free days at the zoo and local museums. The bonus is that we have rediscovered the wonderful outdoors and learn more about Colorado.

I have several goals. One is to be able to take care of myself should I become unable to work. One is to be able to take care of my husband, who is older than me and less healthy, should he require it. One is to be able to visit far-flung family and friends at least annually. And one is simply to pay the bills every month, with a little left over, for as long as I need to.
It helps a lot to have something to work towards. Otherwise, why not have a daily Starbucks and a new car every few years? It’s fine to want those things, I just want those other things more. :)

I could care less if i was rich. i just want to be in a good state of being. and when i say that i mean not having debt, giving to my family, to charities, to offering and of course having my own pleasures

“I don’t want to be rich. I just want to have enough money so I can stop working at a young age, buy cars and a house without having to incur debt, travel the world, and give away large sums of money. That’s all.”

That kind of lifestyle will require MILLIONS of dollars in assets. I think either their definition of “rich” is out of whack, or they simply don’t understand how large of a nest egg is required in order to generate that kind of reliable, perpetual income stream.

I’ve always thought that my desire to be rich is to be able to travel the world and experience the different cultures that is out there. I feel that it is so often something we lack — knowing how other cultures live, and being able to interact with people of a different country will enrich my life than anything material.

And then after I’ve decided I was done with travelling, my goal in life has always been to be able to be a full time volunteer. Once I can support myself and live comfortably for the rest of my years without needing a job, I would really like to devote my life to more meaningful issues and to people.

Great post.but actually I donâ€™t want to be rich.I just want to have enough money so I can spend my life without any tension in my mind and enjoy my life.
In my thinking,”life is like a ice cream before melt enjoy it”
thanks

I want to be rich. I want to be rich so I could afford luxuries. So I can pay off my parents house. So I can give my mother that white fence, balcony attached to the pool dream. My grandmother was poor, coming to the US to become a maid. Then with 7 kids, none of the 4 fathers there, she was gone most of the time to her country. My mother had to grow up in New York basically by herself, raising bother herself, her niece, and her nephew. They provided what every my brother and I wanted. But in the end, no matter how much money they send to hospitals, family in need, giving up drugs, Karma is not giving them any luck.

I want to be Karma for them. After I’m rich, and give my parents a good future, I want to buy a house with a couple of dogs. I want to live with my best friend and cousin, go to college, travel, work, and have a family.

I want a lot of things, but life is always going to cost money. I want to be rich…so I can give and be happy.

I have been poor all my life. I’m not poor now but I’m broke. I just completed college and I have tons of bills to pay. I want to obtain financial freedom. I am working on it. I want my kids to get the things I could not get. I want to be able to give my grandmother money to buys things she wants. I want my mother to get money. Being broke is not fun. That is my motivation to obtain wealth. I was poor growing up as a kid. I want to change it. I am changing it. I want to provide for my family.

Just the fact that I am responding to this forum, when I know it’s just to elicit my email proves my point. I want to be rich so I can get away. I want to sit on a hill and look down at my home. I want to bit silent for weeks and months on end without having to talk to anyone. I never really fit in society. To make a long story short, I always felt; from a child; people were cold and heartless. I always wished them well. My kindness was always repaid with betrayal. I want to be rich so I can enjoy peace and quiet. I do not want to work with another coworker who takes credit for my ideas, I do not want to work with another coworker who puts others down to make themselves look good. I an always alone. I have no friends. I am 53 and feel 83. I never hear my own voice unless I am at work, no one to talk to day in day out month in month out year in year out. Nothing but work. I want to be rich so that I can be silent, since I already am without worrying about money. I’d spend wisely so it would last. Not lucky in money or love. Living pay check to pay check with no life on top of it is maddening. I cry if the temperature changes. So sensitive I don’t think there is any hopes of me fitting in anymore. I used to have hopes. It’s been so long I don’t hope anymore. I think I am sane. I feel sane. I have given up. I want to be rich so that I could just sit and talk to God and read my bible. I would start a small quiet business. I know just what it is and just be peaceful. I don’t know if you can read between the lines. I just can’t take the rat race anymore. I understand why the lonely talk to themselves, I never thought I would understand this. I understand the hopeless though you wouldn’t know it to look at me. I am just tired of being pushed around. I have no more to give. I just want to sit and feel the wind on my face, watch the snow fall, watch the sun come up, listen to the birds, listen to the crickets, watch the squirrels, listen to soft music, google on the internet, run my business, sit by a warm fireplace. I want two dogs. I want to be there with them all day. I want a jack Russel and a chipoodle. I picked names out for them already. I want to be rich.

money is important whether you like it or not. with money comes many opportunities. i am from a average family i know what its like not being able to do the things i want. with money i could have learn gymnastics, i could have signed up for gym, i could have drove to college instead of walking everyday. different people have different goals in life. i am only 20 years old, i believe i am the youngest here. for me, once you have enough money to be financially free, you will be stress free as well, which means more time for your family and friends. i do agree with you that we should have a purpose, but this does not have to be related with money. one could have tonnes of money and live a meaningful life. no matter what it is, as long as you are happy and you don’t hurt anyone else. its fine with me.

Well . . .
I wanna be rich too.
I am sooo much mad about being rich.
But I also don’t miss enjoying and I’m on no such strict diet lol
I mean no such strict expenditures.
I earn like a mad dog so that when that dog returns home,he does not need to wag his tail in front of his master to get food.
I aim towards sustainability and security.
Rest everything follows. :)

Samuel Johnson once said, â€œThe chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.â€ On a physical level, habits are repeated thoughts or behaviors that form neural pathways – the highways that connect parts of the brain. Years of practicing a habit creates hard-wired neural pathways which becomes the brainâ€™s default mode. This is all well and good if the habits are positive and serves to better our lives, but what happens if your brain’s default mode is based on a negative thought or habit?

Somewhere in my past, I was hard-wired to believe that I wasn’t special or good enough. My parents divorced when I was four years old, so I imagine the seeds of this limiting belief started taking root when I was very young. To be clear, I don’t blame my parents for getting divorced and I take complete responsibility for what I made their divorce mean about me. I recognize now that they did the best they could with what they had and their separation had nothing to do with the love they had/have for me.

My brain’s “default mode” was set from an early age as a result of repeated thoughts of inadequacy. I spent the better part of my life trying to prove to others that I was normal and worthy of their love, all the while feeling like I was broken on the inside. My need to feel normal and loved was so incredibly powerful that I lost myself in my career because I thought that if I had a lot of money, people would love me and I would finally feel normal (just call me Citizen Kane!).

In the beginning, I set a goal of making $100K a year. I accomplished my goal in no time but the ache of not being good enough still lingered. So I raised the bar to $150K then $200 then $250. Still no relief. I had money but I still felt a deep sense of sadness – the only difference was that I felt inadequate AND exhausted! At age 33 my gross annual income was approaching the country’s top 1% of earners when it finally dawned on me that money wasn’t going to fill the void. While this realization was a bitter pill, it prompted me to begin my journey of self rediscovery. As Henry David Thoreau so eloquently penned “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” I realized that all the money in the world wouldn’t be enough to heal my wound, so I quit my job and went in search of my true self. For the record, my intention for sharing my financial history isn’t to brag or boast but rather to illustrate the lengths at which I went to try and free myself from the suffering associated with my false self.

The thought of living with feelings of inadequacy forever was unsettling, but not nearly as unsettling as the realization that came next. I realized that I had been a slave from the age of four and was held completely subservient to the dominating influence of a belief – that I’m not good enough. I had been living my entire life as though this belief was true, when in fact, it was simply a meaning I created about myself when my parents got a divorce all those years ago. Suddenly, I felt like a fish in a fishbowl that just realized that there are whole oceans to be explored. I no longer had to be limited by an invisible partition! The awareness of my false limitations created a space of possibility, allowing me to “choose” who I am and the life I wanted to create.

I believe every human being, regardless of race, sex or spiritual belief, has an incredible capacity for accomplishment far beyond their perceived limits. Each of us can actively choose the life we want to create if we’re willing to first “front only the essential facts of life” and recognize our limiting beliefs for what they truly are – a “hard-wired” meaning that we created in our past. Armed with this awareness we can then begin to master our impulses and “rewire” our brains by abandoning the old limiting beliefs and actively replace them with new thoughts and behaviors of our choosing. Over time, new neural pathways will be created, followed by the chosen new reality and way(s) of being.

Creating an extraordinary life based on choice may sound simple, but this process takes time, commitment, self-awareness and most of all, discipline. Discipline is the muscle that fuels the assault on the fortress of the status quo and makes a fulfilling life possible. Without a strong discipline muscle we run the risk of getting ‘stuck’ or drifting through an unsatisfying life colored by a limited view of our selves.

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My name is J.D. Roth. I started Get Rich Slowly in 2006 to document my personal journey as I dug out of debt. Then I shared while I learned to save and invest. Twelve years later, I've managed to reach early retirement! I'm here to help you master your money — and your life. No scams. No gimmicks. Just smart money advice to help you get rich slowly. Read more.

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