Ask the Counselling Expert – Peggy Davis

Q: My wife says that listening is the most important part of good communication. Do you agree and if so, why is what we hear more important than what we say?

A: I do agree. Listening is a must for every successful relationship. Every spouse who feels cherished by his or her mate will tell you their spouse listens to them. Listening is love in action. It is a sign of affirmation. When spouses truly listen, they contribute to one another’s self esteem. When they don’t, the interpretation is frequently negative. It usually involves a feeling of rejection.

Listening requires you to set aside preconceived ideas or judgments and convey a message of acceptance. Listening opens up another’s spirit. The message is, “You are very important to me, and I am interested in you.” This taps into your partner’s deepest need to be understood, and in return he or she will open up all the more.

It is true that most conflictual conversation would be resolved if we would seek to understand before being understood. If you need help in this regard, please contact me. I am ready to help.