There are a lot of phrases that you never want your partner to utter. "We need to talk" is one that always puts a pit in peoples' stomachs. For me, it's when my boyfriend says "I ate the last of the ice cream." But sometimes dreaded phrases can actually be part of a larger and scarier problem in your relationship.

First, let me say that mental abuse or threats of physical abuse are never okay. If your partner's words are becoming abusive, that should not be tolerated.

That said, even some seemingly normal phrases are also a bad sign for your relationship. If your partner is using one or more of these phrases regularly, it may be time to get help or seriously examine how you both communicate.

"I will never let you down."

Setting expectations is key in a relationship. If your partner swears over and over that they will not screw up or fall short in some way, they're just plain wrong.

You're going to screw up and so are they. If they say this, they're setting expectations no one can keep and maybe even showing that they won't be so willing to admit their mistakes when they make them.

"Partners will let each other down because we are human and it happens," therapist Karol Ward told INSIDER. "Often the hurt is unintentional, but sometimes it happens out of anger. Stay away from this dramatic promise and it will give you much more room to be a real person in your relationship."

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"You are too emotional."

When I hear someone utter this phrase, I get the vision of someone pouring gasoline on a five-alarm fire: telling someone that they're too emotional when they're already upset is only going to make things worse.

Not only that, if your partner says this to you, they are invalidating your concerns and making them all about feelings. They are saying to you that they won't listen when you feel passionately about something and will dismiss it if they don't like the way you're saying it.

"I will stop [drinking, gambling, spending, etc.] for you."

If your partner has a vice or a toxic habit, they shouldn't promise you that they'll quit it "for you."

For one, any end of a bad habit should be for life. Not all relationships last and life choices shouldn't be hanging in the balance based on a relationship status.

"While the fear of losing someone may prompt this promise, it will never work," Ward said. "You can only stop these behaviors for yourself and not for someone else."

And if they fall off the wagon, then their failure becomes a breaking of your trust and can be seen as them not "caring enough" about you to stop doing it.

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"It's either me or the ..."

If they use this phrase often, it's a bad sign.
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Ultimatums are extreme and should really only be used in extreme circumstances. If you're at risk of hurting yourself or someone else with your behavior, then your partner might be justified in employing this tactic.

But if they're throwing down the gauntlet saying that you need to choose them over your dog/alone time/family all of the time, then that's a sign of an unhealthy relationship and that they want to control you.

"You have to do ..."

We've all been guilty of asking our partners to do silly or annoying things for us. But your partner should not be issuing demands of you all of the time.

If they really need something done, it should come in the form of a question with demands reserved for emergencies only.

"I want to be clear on this: Adults do not tell other adults what to do," counselor Hayden Lindsey told INSIDER. "Unless you are in an explicitly hierarchical relationship (boss/employee) then you have no business telling a grown man or woman how to behave.

"If one partner is trying to control the other, it is not an environment where love and health can flourish," Lindsey added.

"I hate you."

We all say things we don't mean when we're angry. But if your partner calls their affection for you into question all of the time or tells you that they actually hate you, that can be a huge red flag.

"It's easy to lash out in the heat of the moment and say hurtful things you regret,"Jonathan Bennett, a counselor and author of the site The Popular Man, told INSIDER. "However, expressing hatred towards your significant other is not something he or she will ever forget and it can poison the relationship."

"We're over." (If they don't mean it)

The only time you should hear the words "it's over" should be when the relationship is really and truly over.

If your partner is invoking a "break-up" or threatening to end it with you over a simple argument, they're willing to make you feel unsafe in the relationship. They are showing you that they don't care if they hurt you or risk you saying, "Okay yeah, we are over," as long as they get the upper hand.

"While breakups do happen, if you have no intent to leave, you should never threaten your partner with a break up to get your way," Bennett said. "Fear of losing someone you love is very powerful and threats like that can create anxiety and depression, especially if your partner has abandonment issues or other mental health problems."