The reality of caring for a mentally ill child: 'It can be very isolating'

Queensland mum Sarah* still remembers the day she found out her 13-year-old was suffering from serious mental illness.

The pair had just been to see the Caitlyn*'s paediatrician, who suggested she begin taking medication for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). Shortly after they left the appointment, Sarah says the teen showed her cuts on her leg, the result of self-harming.

"As we were leaving the doctor's office, I asked Caitlyn if she ever felt depressed, and this is when she told me she was," she says.

What followed were multiple trips to doctors, psychologists, hospital visits under the care of Queensland's Child and Youth Mental Health Service (CHYMS).

"They didn't like to label Caitlyn anything, however, they did treat her for depression," Sarah explains. "She had just turned 18 when she was diagnosed with major depression by her psychiatrist."

According to Beyond Blue, major depression -- also called clinical depression -- involves a low mood or loss of interest and pleasure in usual activities and can be mild, moderate, severe, melancholic or psychotic.

While those with a family history of mental health issues are more likely to produce children with them, Caitlyn's problems have also exacerbated by the learning disability ADD.

ADD is a weakness in the brain's ability to focus on important sensory information and can impact a student's ability to process verbal information, as well as written text.

"Catilyn always felt different and developed low self-esteem due to not being able to cope and keep up in the classroom at school," Sarah explains.

The devoted mum says she's always held onto the belief that things would improve for her daughter, and feels she has been able to help her through the darkness by keeping communication open - "even when it's upsetting to hear."

"I keep asking her how she is and what she needs," Sarah says. "If one thing doesn't work, then I try another."

She also takes Catilyn to her appointments and checks in with her regularly.

"I also have a supportive husband who could have walked away at any time but didn't, and a workplace that also supports me," she adds - though she feels her career has suffered as a result of the commitment it takes to care for a mentally ill child.

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While she does her best to care for herself too, Sarah feels the support of other parents of children with mental illness would have helped.

"I do think there needs to be a forum for careers to meet and support each other, as this is not a topic that people feel comfortable talking about," she says.

"At times I have felt that no one would understand what I and my family are going through. It can be very isolating."

Sarah would like to travel one day, but hasn't due to her daughter's illness.

"When Caitlyn is stable, I don't know how long it will last for or if she'd be okay if I had a holiday," she explains.

Sarah says she'll never give up on her daughter and, while admitting she's made some mistakes, always has her best interests at heart.

"I want Caitlyn to find her place in the world and ensure she has the support and tools to care for herself as she leaves home," she adds.

To parents of children suffering from suspected mental health issues, Sarah says it's important to listen to children and try not to judge what they are saying, though she feels it's still okay to discipline them.

"It's okay to feel depressed, upset and down, but that doesn't mean you can treat people badly or disrespectfully," she says.

Keeping a routine for your child is also important, the mum adds, even when they're "boring".

"They give them something that is stable, even if it means they have to unpack the dishwasher," she says.

"Some days are going to be bad, but if you can try to at least get them out of the house to get an ice-cream or take a drive, even if you have to bribe them.

"If they won't budge from their room, let them know you are there for them and can talk to you at any time, even if it means they knock on your door in the middle of the night."

She also stresses the importance of taking care of yourself and your own needs.

"If your able to have a conversation with your employer, let them know that you have a child that is not well and that you are under a lot of stress at home that helps," Sarah says, adding that most companies have policies in place to support workers in situations like this.

"I can tell yo,u there will be days when your child will not want to leave the house, when they will not want to be respectful, when they will not want to talk to you, when you feel your child is out of reach and you will feel scared and not sure of what to do," she continues.

"If this happens, seek professional help and counselling for you and your husband or partner, because this affects everyone."

Finally, Sarah wants Caitlyn to know she is worth every single effort her family has made to ensure she leads a fulfilling life.

"Believe in yourself and all of your dreams. You still have the power to make them happen."

*Names have been changed

If you or someone you know is suffering from mental health issues contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit the Beyond Blue website or visit your local GP and request a Mental Health Care Plan.

To share your story, email Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au or get in touch via Twitter @joabi or Instagram @joabi961