Old Zeke is a little bored with retirement on the farm, so he builds himself a hang-glider. Soon he is soaring about on the thermals and happens to drift over his neighbour Hank's property.

Hank is sitting on the porch with his kin, sampling his latest batch of moonshine. Through the alcoholic haze he spots Zeke's glider way up in the sky. He shouts,"Jimminy Cricket! A giant buzzard has grabbed old Zeke! Quick, the shotgun!"

His son Jeb passes him the pumpie and Hank blazes away rapidfire into the sky.

He remarks, "Rat's, I missed; but at least he let go of Zeke!"

__________________
Ps 139:9-10 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.

What should you do if you find a lawyer buried up to his neck in cement?
Get more cement.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
Cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"

"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.

On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medicalresearch."

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

__________________Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!
Unprepared boaters, end up as floatsum!.......

This may be a little off colour but I recently read some hilarious reviews for a hair removal product for men. While I don't understand the concept ( WHY would you do that) I found myself laughing hysterically. I know some of you will giggle too. here is link to the thread.http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-revi...=10xxx11395-21
I am not in anyway associated with this but it's funny. If I am doing wrong pls let me know.

And engineer, a physicist and a mathematician were on a train traveling through Northern Scotland. The engineer looks out and notices, amongst the sea of white sheep, one lone black sheep in a field. He remarks somewhat smugly - "Oh look, they have black sheep in Scotland".

The physicist takes exception to the sloppiness of the engineer's logic and corrects him - "well, actually, all you can say is "Oh look, this is *a* black sheep in Scotland".

The mathematician looks up from the journal he is reading and sighs. He then says, "Hate to correct you both, but all you can say with certainty from the evidence at hand is that in Scotland, there is at lease one sheep and it is at least half black".

__________________Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!
Unprepared boaters, end up as floatsum!.......

__________________Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend, but the Kisses of the Enemy are Deceitful! ........
A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves!
Unprepared boaters, end up as floatsum!.......