9 Easy Ways to Become Unsatisfied with Life

Written byjoshua becker ·

We all want to know at the end that our lives counted for something—that we can rest satisfied and fulfilled at the path we chose to walk. I think that is probably the reason why this article (Top Five Regrets of the Dying) continues to be one of the most viral posts on the Internet.

Nobody wants to reach the end of their life and experience regret. Instead, we desire to experience satisfaction with the one life we’ve been given. We desire to live a story that is worth being retold.

Unfortunately, our world has made it too easy to experience the opposite. Our society has championed pursuits that often fade. We spend our lives pursuing them, but have little to show at the very end. And too many, in this scenario, experience regret at the lives they chose to live.

Rarely is the easy path the wisest path. And just because a pursuit has become common to those around us does not mean it results in a desired end. Consider these 9 common ways to become unsatisfied with life:

Focus entirely on yourself. The size of our universe shrinks considerably when we place ourselves at the center. And the people who are most focused on themselves are the least satisfied in life. On the other hand, those who see their life as an opportunity to bring joy to others quickly find it themselves.

Treat money as the goal. Personal wealth is promoted and encouraged at every turn in our society—as if becoming rich is the ultimate goal any of us could achieve. I am certainly not against working hard and being compensated for your talents. But I am against viewing money as the goal of our life… or even the goal of the day in front of us. Too often, we pursue it at the expense of more satisfying things.

Make pleasure your chief concern. Related to the pursuit of money, our greatest contributions are often sacrificed because we pursue pleasure instead (or comfort and luxury which are closely related). We sacrifice long-term resources in order to experience short-term pleasure. Certainly there could be a strong argument made that a satisfying life is a pleasurable one, but we are too quick to settle for short-term, temporal pleasure rather than one that results from a life lived with purpose and intention.

Blame everybody else. Blame is far too prevalent in our world. We blame our parents, our spouses, our employers, our teachers, our government, our upbringing, our environment, and our financial condition (just to name a few). We blame others for our faults and our unhappiness. And every time we do, we lose. Because the decision to blame others for our shortcomings will always keep us from making the changes in our lives that are so desperately needed.

Be defined by your negative circumstances. Jack Kornfield once said, “Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.” This is an important truth and an important promise. Our lives are not ultimately defined by the negative circumstances that happened in our past. They may have affected the trajectory of our lives, but they do not write the final chapter. We hold the pen.

Hide your true self. There is little to be gained in living a life of inauthenticity. Not only is it unfair to those around us, it is also unfair to us. Those who live openly and honestly, recognizing and admitting their weaknesses and faults inspire others to do the same. And in the end, all that is gained is true and honest and strangely satisfying.

Allow pride to guide you. Pride is far more subtle an influence on our life than we realize. And it is often a byproduct of success—success in almost any endeavor. But pride always steers us incorrectly. It refuses the opportunity to learn from others and be influenced by them. It keeps us in bondage to the limited vantage point of our experience.

Miss the journey for the destination. Ursula K. LeGuin said it like this, “It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” Too often, we live our lives from destination to destination. We look back and mark the significant accomplishments as the milestones that define our lives: a graduation, a new job, a move, or overcoming a tragedy. But life is not lived exclusively in these destinations. In fact, it is far more often lived in the pathways between them. Appreciate the joy in the journey rather than always hurrying to the next destination.

Carry more than you need. Every excess is added burden to our lives. And yet we continue to pursue and accumulate more than we need—more house, more car, more clothes, more dishes. Owning less means less cleaning, less burden, less anxiety, and less stress each and every day. It provides the space and opportunity to pursue the things in life that matter—the very items that bring lasting satisfaction to our lives.

Only a fool believes the wide road is necessarily the right road. Finding a life of lasting satisfaction and fulfillment is rarely found looking in the same places as everyone else. It requires an entirely different story to be written.

About Joshua Becker

Writer. Inspiring others to live more by owning less.WSJ Bestselling author of The More of Less.

My two ways of becoming dissatisfied with life are to blame everyone else, and not be true to myself.
Every single time, I cut down the nitty-gritty and focus on being myself as I am, without all the peripheral items, I am happy.
Every single time, I focus on taking responsibility for every aspect of my life no matter how unfair it seems at the time, I feel a huge release of joy and unrequited happiness.
I need to keep reminding myself of these two sources of misery for me over and over again, as I keep on forgetting! Thanks for this post – as always you are succinct and perfect in your writing.

I think that enjoying the journey instead of focusing on the destination is so important! It can be really hard to do sometimes when you get caught up in goals or what you’d like your life to look like years from now, but is really crucial to living a content and happy life.

Thank you for this list! Just spent yesterday pondering why I was dissatisfied with my life which is filled with many blessings. Realized I spend way too much time focused on myself. This week, my goal is to look for ways to focus on others.

“Because the decision to blame others for our shortcomings will always keep us from making the changes in our lives that are so desperately needed.”

I could not disagree more with this statement. For those who have experienced trauma, recognizing that it is not their fault (which is to say, recognizing that someone else is to blame) is the beginning of freedom.

Why should it be any different for those who have experienced smaller harms?

Recognizing the patterns that are set in motion for you by your upbringing, by circumstances beyond your control, is the first step to releasing yourself from the cycle of behaviors you developed in response. You can (and must!) choose to begin anew, but it is a process of undoing the old ways and learning new ways. It is neither easy nor simple. But it is very freeing!

Many people get bogged down at the first step, and to some degree, we all fear it– that if we name the harms that have come to us, we will live under them forever. But in fact, that is how we begin to assume responsibility for ourselves, release the past, and take ownership of our present.

I think both are important. As a survivor I’m still struggling to place the blame for what happened to me where it belongs – with the perpetrators. But I believe the author’s point is equally valid pointed either direction.

Yes, I need to place blame for others’ actions with the other. AND I need to learn how to truly take responsibility for my own actions without focusing on the blame of what happened but upon who I choose to be when freed of that blame entirely.

My occasional dissatisfaction with life generally stems from jealousy of someone else’s trip, purchases, etc. Which is silly, because we’ve had our own trips and I have the means to purchase some of those same items that they do, but I choose not to.
Most of the time though, I find it ridiculously crazy and unbelievable how good my life is. I find it amazing every time I go to a class at my gym what my body can do. I have a phenomenal choice of good foods to choose from at grocery stores and local shops and markets. I have a house that shelters me and is styled how I chose. I have a job that I mostly love and ample time to spend with a fairly loving family. I could go on and on with my appreciation for so many things, running water, hot water, clean water, heat, …
I don’t understand how people with access to all of these things choose to be miserable every day. It blows my mind, and while I’d like to stay away from their negativity, they seem to seek me out. I hope that I’m an inspiration to them?

Yes, money should never be the goal of anything. Important reminder. I think that’s why some of the wealthiest people in the world have pledged to give away most of their fortunes. Money simply did not deliver what they had hoped. Thanks for another great post, Joshua.

Joshua, fantastic article. I have to ask, are you a Christian? As I read these, after each one I was thinking to myself “Hmmm, that is a biblical principle”, “Yup, that is in the bible”, “Uh huh, Jesus said the same thing” and on for each one of them.

I spent a few minutes for my own use just putting a few verses to each of your items. There are, in most cases, many more, so these are just examples:

well its taken me to get to the age of 53yrs old to realise why i am sometimes so upset etc etc, i have give people the power to rule over me, i gave that power away, i was in a situation today and it went wrong and thats where the trouble usually starts, but this time i thought well i am not perfect and there is always something to deal with, and let it drop, that simple, i also think we need to be real, other wise its false, fear has ruled over me all my life and so i have been a victim of bullies and i thought for this to keep on happening i must at some point be contributing to it, and the light went on, i give the bullies far too much power, and when they see it bothers me its like adding fuel to the fire, the thing is i have many friends why do i let them control me and ruin my day my week etc, it made me see for once i needed to change, thank you for your help love Jacqueline

I personally think that viewing money as the goal of our life is normal. This is especially true for the poor or those below the middle class, who need money to obtain satisfying things such as plenty food and drink to enjoy togetherness with their family, and education to allow them to seize opportunity toward a better future, that in turn can give more fulfilling lifestyle. Therefore it is reasonable that money becomes one’s goal of life and of the day, because we all need it to attain the satisfying things.

As long as we still want to enjoy those things every day, we need enough income. That is why many people pursue financial freedom as a goal, for instance by building their own business. Once built, this new business must be grown until profitable, and afterward it must be maintained to provide stable or increasing passive income; both of these require work. Hence, in my opinion making money is one of the absolute goals in life – we need to allocate our time to achieve it, just like we set aside our time to enjoy the money.

Wealthy individuals also do the same. However, what makes them unsatisfied in life might be because they regard money as the sole life priority, and thus they keep accumulating their wealth without sharing with the needy and setting limit to their lifestyle so as to enable them to live simply. All in all, I believe that we need earning money as a goal to meet our basic needs (such as health, food and education). Then after these are already met, we raise the amount to reach the level of lifestyle that we desire. Next, we maintain or grow that amount in order to sustain our lifestyle.

“We hold the pen.” What a profound thing to realize at a difficult time. When I’m struggling to accept that I can’t change what’s happened in the past, I’ll hold on to the thought that the future is mine to write.

Good suggestions, but I would like to bring up the point that focusing on serving and giving, while not attending to your own needs, can be very harmful. Why does there need to be “me” and “others,” in two different categories? Rather than focusing on superficial needs, if we really work on healing ourselves, we heal all of those around us. My latest post addresses this: http://ourjourneytoithaca.com/2015/03/22/true-power-lies-beyond-vulnerability/

In a discussion I had today I talked with someone about the new hyper-focus and “the easy road of happiness.” I’m not going to lie–I’ve drank the kool-aid. I’ve read a number of books on the subject and have some tricks that I use to ease some of the bumpier pathways. However, I think there is great danger on believing that pleasure/happiness is the greatest pursuit in life. It seems that in America that is of great concentration on sought. How can we truly understand joy if we don’t have some of the other? To have the human experience you have to embrace it all. Hopefully, the scale weighs heavier on the joy side. Just some late night rambling… Cheers.

I agree. Happiness is a subtle by product of a life of service. Those who truly give themselves, like Mother Teresa, never ask themselves, “am I happy?” They don’t even think or care about being happy. But very few people are that way so you have to teach them how to be happy. And most Saints go through periods of deep depression and there again never think much about that either. They’ve totally lost the concept of “self.”

Great reminder and one that I struggle to hold on to from time to time. I am a father that has lost his two children and lived this for almost 8 years after their death, but have found myself getting sucked back into the rat race. I wrote my book Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back during that time and it has brought me great pleasure that I have help others through difficult times. However, with that being said, I have gradually lost the peace and contentment I achieved after the book was written in 2012. I started back down the path of “make more money” so I can live free. The reality is, when I made less I felt more free. Now that I have demanded and got the money from my employer, I feel the pressure to prove to them they made the right decision. This isn’t what I was looking for, I put to much emphasis on “you need to respect me” which I tied to money. Its not easy, but I will keep working on it. Thanks for the article.

Joshua, it is one of your greatest articles I have ever read. So true and well-written – simple but opening my eyes widely. Even though I’m conscious about all these things you are naming, the way how you are pointing them out strikes me a lot. We should be always reminded about true sense of happiness. Thank you!

Wow! Bang on with this post, Josh. It is almost unbelievable how we can so easily settle for a life that is much less beautiful than it should be. Thanks for blowing the dust off what many of us know to be true but all too often forget – we get one story to write. Why not make it amazing!

Wonderful post, Joshua! I/we spent many years thinking having more and chasing money was the “right” path, and then the recession happened and we lost everything. What a blessing that was, because it put us on a path to minimalism and jobs that may not pay as well as the ones we used to have, but fit us so much better and make us so much happier than I ever thought possible. Thank you for your continued inspiration!

Many things here that resonate with me and others that gave me a shock.Like treat money as a the goal.I agree.Money is definitely necessary but we make money for our friends,families and ourselves.Money is not the goal,life is.But the journey to make money is always an interesting one.

Love this, Joshua. What a great reminder each and every day on how to live a life with purpose and meaning. I recently lost a dear friend, at 49 far too young to die. But, even tho she had less than 10 days to accept her fate and help her friends and family members do so also, she calmly and rationally accepted death with grace, dignity and the love of a life well lived. While I am still devastated, this helps me to heal, and reminds me that she was at peace with her life. Mike and I are working on experiencing life vs. plodding thru it as we once did with high pressure jobs and stress. Love this article!

Blessings to you!
Elaina

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