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20 May 19

While I’m writing this here at home,I composed it at the park near my library.
While I doing so,I was being dive bombed by starlings which looked like P-51s without a drop tank.
I am supposed to be meeting with someone to start walking. While I’m waiting I’m watching people walk by me. Young families pushing strollers and watching their young children run too and fro.
A man is walking his white little dog,they take a break and the man lays down while his dog turns into a cat and starts doing the “flops”. You know when you walk behind your cat and he siddenly flops on his side and flashes his tummy….he’ll also do that when you come home from an outing and he is happy to see you and will proceed to flop. Derek Jeter and Paladin are GREAT floppers….but Geri and Snackers were not big on the flopping. I only Geri flop a few times and Snackers NEVER did.
As I sit and watch the man and his cat,err,dog on the grass,the starlings have radioed for back-up and 3-4 robins also start dive bombing me. Maybe because I’m fat,they they me as a aircraft carrier…but its really fun to watch take turns making their runs.
I wore my pink hat that Amy Lange gave Lori so that this person I’m supposed to meet will be able to spot me. We’re supposed to meet in the Veteran’s Rotunda at 5:30 pm.
I got there a little early so I could go to the bookstore and see if they have any films,I’m not expecting anything since they had a bag sale over the weekend and the shelves are as a rule pretty wiped clean. But I lucked out as the library had put out some of their films that were extra surplus. I picked 4 films and the one of the two Jack Reacher books I had yet to read.
It was afterwards that I put my stuff in the Rodger Young and went to meet my fellow walker.
So after I watched the man and his dog leave,an older woman came striding up to where I was sitting,I knew it wasn’t my walking partner..I knew that because she was crying as she walked up the US. Army engraved plate in the Rotunda,as she stood there,I took off my cap out of respect and stayed quiet. She stayed standing for about 5 minutes and then sat down,I never said a word. If she had wanted to talk,she would have talked first.
Soon she left and I was alone again with my thoughts…and the waves were fucking huge….
Yesterday was the 6th anniversary of Lori Ann’s passing and as I have done every year,I stayed quiet and alone.
I thought I would get outside and my intentions were noble…I was going to venture out.
But I didn’t. I stayed off the computer and the cheetah and I watched a David Blaine special I picked up from a recent trip to a new-ish thrift store in Westland.
The house was quiet except when the cheetah’s fur would fluff up when Blaine was doing some weird magic. The phone rang three times and it wasn’t until night time before I bothered to see who called.
The first two were robocalls but the third was from my sister Christine. I thought she was calling in regards to a different matter so I returned her call and walked into the Outer Limits.
A woman contacted my sister through a genealogy site. Seems like she found out she was adopted but never knew she was until her father died and in going through his papers that she was adopted at birth. She had a DNA test done and while she was raised in a Italian home as a only child,she was 100% Irish.
So she decided to start looking for her family and after a time,the trail led her to my sister. She sent Christine a note telling her that she belived Christine and her were sisters. Which of course would make me a brother…but as my sister and I talked this out,we started to believe it because let’s be honest,our folks had more secrets the Donald Trump has.
The time and location fit,the woman was born in 1963 but when exactly was she born? This was a sticking point as was the fact she was placed within 2 miles of my Pop’s house….so with these questions,I decided to call my mother and ask her if this was possible. We knew in our hearts that yeah,it was and no,we wouldn’t be surprised that James (my late pop) and Judy (my biological mom) stayed quiet for over 50 fucking years because hey,that is just how they are wired.
Now one would think I would be jazzed and overjoyed at the potentially finding out I have a sister I never knew I had….but I am not. I mean I am TODAY but not on Lori Ann’s day. I get off the phone with my sister and attempt to call my mother,no answer so I called my brother Phil and tell him. Just as with Christine and myself,he isn’t surprised for a minute that this could be happening. I asked him to send her a text so we can settle this once and for all.
21 May 19 and its 11:30 am EST,8:30 PST and I call my mother. We make small talk for 3-4 and minutes and then I ask her point blank,did she ever give up a child for adoption and she took a deep breath and said “Yes”. I said “A baby girl?” and she said yes….born in early 1963 to my dad and her. She had given birth to my half brother Wayne in 1961 and at 15 and then had the new sister,they gave her up and then James and Judy got married and had myself and Christine.
Unreal,right? I swear to heaven,our lives are so twisted and cracked…the fact Christine,myself and Phil have managed to stay sane,this may sound sound bragging but I don’t care…..the three of us are three of the strongest souls you’ll ever know and I’m so proud to call them my siblings.
The story doesn’t end here…..because now that mother confessed to the adoption,she also shared this with me – after James and her divorced,she got pregnant AGAIN and gave birth to a baby boy named Patrick. Sadly he only lived 7 hours before dying….I think God Himself said “Oh enough with this bullshit” and saved Patrick from our family.
Of course Judy being Judy,she didn’t tell Christine or myself. She did tell her bastard last year when my dad died because she asked him to visit the gravesite for her.
My sister only lives about an hour and a half from my new sister and I know they will be connecting soon. I wonder how the newly found sister will take the news that she was the lucky one,the one that got away from what the rest of endured….
Its a lot to process,how does one go about to talking to a sibling you never knew existed? How could you as a parent keep that secret all these years? James and Judy managed to keep so much away,its like Phil told me last night…..”I’m 42 and I grew up with her and I don’t even her”.

8 thoughts on “20 May 19”

Whew! F*ck. That is a hard pill to swallow, my friend. Especially when you were already processing other things.

I’m here for you if you need me. I don’t think this is a bad thing, though. Could open a door for a lot of happiness & bring you all closer together. Give it time.
& Like I said, I’m here. You know where to reach me. 💓

I didn’t have time to really process the news,I sort of pushed it forward until the next day. I am happy to find this news out but I feel really bad for Rose. If my parents had shared with us what they knew,my younger sister and I would have been looking as well.

Wow, Michael! That IS a lot to process, on top of everything else you’re dealing with.
I really hope you guys meet your sister and get along great and connect and cathartic, enlightening experiences come out of it, making your lives wider and deeper.

There are definitely many different ways people think about and deal with adoption, and I can say this with expertise since I am adopted and have my own tale of both joy and woe. For you guys, though, once you get past the resentment of the secrets and the lying by omission, etc., etc., your lives will become richer, hopefully for your newly discovered sister too. Hang in there!

Well we decided that the story will end with us,the three siblings. There is no reason to go further then that. I think this foster a much stronger relationship for us all.
We need to stay as healthy as possible here.

That’s a big, crazy bomb. I hope it will ultimately bring you happiness. You deserve that. It sounds like you already have a pretty strong bond with your siblings – maybe it gets even better with one more.