"Have faith that people do their best. I don't know anyone who would eat with pigs out of a trough in a muddy barnyard if he knew that a well-prepared meal was on the table in a clean house - do you?" Greg Baer

"The Secret in healing Narcissism is not to heal it at all, but to listen to it. Narcissism is a signal that the soul is not being loved sufficiently. The greater the Narcissism, the less love being given." ~ Thomas Moore, 'Care of the Soul'.

Q. Is it really possible to heal NPD?

A. Anything is possible. You do not have to be a negative statistic on a probablity curve of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The discussion on change we've had over the last couple weeks inspired me to where I sent my resume to a company I thought might be interested. By my count their reply contains 12 spelling errors. I've never seen anything like it from a fairly big company. I mean come on. One mistake might be excusable even from a busy place, but 12? So I corrected their spelling and sent it back to them with a big red "F". This might hurt my chances of getting the job but it made me feel good.

I had some positive news this week at my therapy session. My therapist makes everyone fill out all these questionairres before each session where you report your feelings for the past week in terms of anger, anxiety, depression, love, self-confidence, etc. He totals up the combined score for all these areas to determine the person's overall stress level. He told me this week that my stress level went from about 147 when I first started therapy three months ago down to something like 19 this week, which is within normal range. I asked him if this meant I was cured now and could go home, but he said No. Oh well.

I played conservative tennis and beat my opponent 6-0 6-4 tonight. It was excruciatingly painful to have to work hard and play like a normal person, but it actually works far better than my other method - which is to create an image of Roger Federer hitting screaming winners all over the court and try and recreate it in myself.

It's time to go to bed. Nitey nite,

Matt

---You know, of course, where this other world lies hidden. It is the world of your own soul that you seek. Only within yourself exists that other reality for which you long. I can give you nothing that has not already its being within yourself... All I can give you is the impulse, the key. I can help you to make your own world visible. That is all.- Herman Hesse, Steppenwolf

I feel like some small part of me is almost beginning to understand at least a part of what's happening within me. Its still a scary, very painful time but I do feel like maybe, just maybe this is all a positive sign. I slept for three hours last night without dreaming. I spent the rest of the night thinking about the fact I'm not supposed to be thinking. Thus, I have a ways to go.

PS- I'm not sure whether to congratulate zachery or tell him to go sit in the corner.

---You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self . .. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime , you are the only one you will never lose.

The days are getting easier for me. At one point everything was a struggle to survive, but less so now. I'm not sure why that is exactly, but it has to be a good thing. Now I have to think about where I want to go with myself and my life in general.

But I have the feeling that whatever I do, somehow I'm gonna get myself into:

Big Time Trouble

Hehe... hopefully I will be proved wrong. Only time will tell.

Matt

---You know, of course, where this other world lies hidden. It is the world of your own soul that you seek. Only within yourself exists that other reality for which you long. I can give you nothing that has not already its being within yourself... All I can give you is the impulse, the key. I can help you to make your own world visible. That is all.- Herman Hesse, Steppenwolf

Matthew, Matthew, take comfort in the knowledge that no matter how much trouble you get into chances are at least one of our members has done something equally bad or worse. Now that all our guests just flew out the nearest fire escape. I spent the afternoon attempting to comfort myself by reading fun stuff and avoiding what I didn't want to deal with. Technically I'm not supposed to be thinking so for a while I played like I was a member of Congress.

---You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self . .. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime , you are the only one you will never lose.

Hi all - been too busy to get on the computer much recently - I guess that is a positive in itself!!

Congratulations, Jimmie - it's wonderful that you and your wife have been together so long.

My eldest son has calmed down again and I continue to see positives daily in his behaviour. He is up to treatment no. 10 and I really think there is a difference in him. His rages are being caused by other stuff so for the moment, I will discount them. But the major improvements I see are:Remembering to do assignments and getting them in on time;Being concerned about passing his school exam at the end of this year;Doing what he is asked to do, after only being asked once!!!! Going to his work after school;Going to sport.

There are more but these things have only happened since Christmas so I think that they can be attributed to the treatment. We are about a third of the way through so I am hopeful of further gains.

Going to post another as it has been too long between posting about positives but there have been a few!

I have got the huge telephone bill that my son (and 'friends') ran up last year finally paid off (I have been paying $100Au per week for the last six months). So my service is again unrestricted - I have only been able to make local calls. I am probably going to get a large bill again this month as I have been calling friends that I have not been able to call for ages!!

The Healing Narcissism And Disorders of the Self Community is not affiliated in any way with any mental health professional or agency. The advice given is from personal experience and should never be used as a replacement for therapy from a qualified licensed professional. If you are having a real life emergency and live in the United States please call your doctor or 9-1-1.