More Blurbs

The Snuggie™ Our beloved DC friends sent us this Snuggie last year (with a matching dog one for Chooch, no less), I think probably because Jeff lamented that I threw out our previous Snuggies. This is a true accusation. We used to have two other Snuggies. I threw them out. They were housed in the underground storage unit our old Virginia house had, and they got gross in there, and OHHH NOOO what a shame the Snuggies got gross guess I have to make them go away forever. Travesty. Actually I joke but Jeff was really distraught over my unilateral decision to eradicate the Snuggies from our lives, actually I might even say we fought about it, because what is marriage if not a slight disagreement over Snuggie management that deteriorates into an actual fight about decision making and respect for others’ possessions? Love is a beautiful thing. WINKY EMOTICON 😉

Anyway, meet Snuggie II. And DC friends, you know I LOVE you, but yes I do complain frequently about what an eyesore this thing is. But. But. For as big as a game as I talk, the second the house starts to feel a little chilly, I’m looking at this beast laying in a heap on the couch, raising an eyebrow suggestively, and running over to plunge my arms through those fleecey sleeves. Jeff takes many pictures to prove that I secretly love it. I kind of do. I just look like the Brawny Man’s homely sister or something.

This is the kind of thing I could put on Instagram except now is a good time to confess to you that I don’t have a smart phone. SAD EMOTICON :-(. Let’s discuss. I know this sets me apart from my peers but I really don’t like technology or gadgets or things like that. I know this makes me sound about NINETY, but I hate typing on those little screens. Back when I was a working woman I always had a Blackberry, but I would do just about anything to avoid responding to messages until I could be sitting at a desk with a full keyboard, mouse, and cup of coffee. Ahhhh.

I also have a very negative association with smart phones because speaking of marital strife, I am on Jeff’s case all the time because he is on that God forsaken iPhone DAY AND NIGHT. DAY. AND. NIGHT. I resent that stupid device so much. I refer to it as my sister wife. Do you want to see the very first picture of our new little family?

ANGRY EMOTICON :x. JK. Once again I talk a big game, but I plan to join the smart phoned masses when my Verizon upgrade comes up next time. I am also sick of hearing my own douchey defenses when people comment about my lack of smart phone. You know those turds who post on Facebook every February 14 “I don’t NEED some HOLIDAY to show my SO I love them…. I love them 365 days a year” BLAH BLAH BLAH SHUT UP? Yea, I’m starting to sound that way, and it’s not attractive. I’m all “Oh this sweet LG flip phone? Yea, it’s all I need, because technology is just not a priority in my life“, when in my brain I’m like OH SHUT YOUR SMUG PIE HOLE SARAH, you know you’re on Etsy picking out cute chevron covers for a smart phone you don’t own.

Unrelated but I discovered Dances with Wolves was waiting on the DVR for me this morning. THANK YOU, SPOUSE! See, I give credit where it’s due! I effing love this movie. One thing I love is that the actors actually speak in Lakota and they subtitle it in English. So it’s, like, SLIGHTLY GENUINE. I hate Hollywood’s normal standard on historical films, which is that anything taking place somewhere in Europe sometime before 1900 is just…. British accents for everyone! Yea! Stupid.

Also unrelated but I turned my back for one second and a gnat flew into some milk I had pumped last night and WHAT did women do before they could ask the internet’s counsel about this? A quick Google and I found a couple message board queries of this exact dilemma. Remember how I said I hated message boards? This is a perfect example why. Because all the chicks were like “Throw out milk over a gnat? NO WAY” which is exactly what I was thinking. But all it takes is ONE HOLIER THAN THOU moron to make you question everything, and sure enough there was ONE woman who began her remark with “Personally”, which everyone knows is how you preface your sentence when you want to declare your superiority. “Personally I think that’s disgusting but your baby your choice.” OH COME ON. SRSLY.

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I like to think of this as a mom blog with benefits. We reject niches and do it all here— the snarky, the sentimental, the hilarity of the everyday. Always fun, never lame, may contain traces of tree nuts.