Are you interested in using my jokes in your monologues? I am available to write jokes for anybody who needs a monologue joke or two. If you need me, contact me by my email, which is alexschubs@gmail.com. Serious inquiries only! Thank you for reading my blog, and happy laughing!

Monday, January 25, 2010

"Classes In Personal Finance"

HELLO EVERYONE WHO READS THIS. THESE ARE MY MONOLOGUE JOKES FOR JANUARY 25

An Italian man who argued with his son over Sony PlayStation tactics was recovering in hospital on Monday after the teenager stabbed him in the neck with a 15-inch kitchen knife, police and hospital officials said. I'm assuming the video game advice was for Grand Theft Auto.

A woman who was visiting a museum tripped and fell, and put a 6-8 inch gash in a 100-year old Picasso painting. The last time a Picasso painting was this ruined was when it involved a sloth skeleton, caviar, and the Tonight Show with Conan O' Brien.

A Roman Catholic priest was accused of shoplifting butter and a sofa cover at a Wal-Mart in southern Illinois. Considering he's a priest, only God knows what he was going to do with that.

A growing number of high school across the country are offering classes in personal finance. Among the high schools not offering that course: Barack Obama High School, George W. Bush High School, AIG High School...

Burger King is opening a restaurant in Miami Beach that will serve beer. This is the first Burger King in history that SHOULDN'T have a drive-thru.

Brett Favre was injured during the Vikings' loss to the Saints in the NFC Championship game, and many people are wondering whether this will be Favre's last game. To which Favre said, "This will be my last game. Then it won't be. Then I will permanently retire. And then I will sign a 1-year contract to play again..."

John McCain says the movement he led to reform how political campaigns are financed is dead. Isn't that because he LOST the 2008 election?