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One of America’s most divisive musical acts is once again raising alarm bells from coast to coast. This time, however, the controversy is not the usual fare of drug arrests and kidnappings, but rather politics. Vermont-based rock group The Phish, sometimes referred to as simply “Phish” by diehard fans, is unscrupulously throwing its support behind the Occupy Wall Street riots with a series of concerts planned for New York City’s Times Square this holiday season. These performances are meant to commemorate the hatred of traditional values engendered in the violent protests that erupted in depressed urban areas earlier in the year.

In point of fact, these Phish shows promise to be a dangerous mix of sexual indulgence, marijuana crime and anti-American lyrical messages pumped out to audiences at ear-splitting levels. It is the decidedly treasonous nature of this heavy metal band’s show that surely deserves the attention of concerned parents and authorities alike.

Unlike other music stars who would be satisfied with a single event, the Phish has somehow forced its way into a four-night run at Manhattan’s biggest sports venue. Worse still, this erratically rancid rockfest will take place during the busiest time of the year, from Christmas to New Year’s Eve. Even more shocking, these concerts are aimed at children who should otherwise be spending time with their families. The end result is that the Phish are openly encouraging youths today to turn their backs on their mothers and fathers, on the birthday of the Baby Jesus, to congregate in a crime-ridden inner city for a 100-hour tour of the depths of depravity, replete with deadly goofball kicks, profound carnal deviancy and secret plots to terrorize patriotism.

An investigation of several exclusive websites has revealed that senior members of this entourage are quietly planning something “spectacular.” They use an enigmatic code when exchanging ideas on the internet, but the word Occupy is clearly decipherable even when they type it out in hippie shorthand as Oh Kee Pa (as in “Oh Kee Pa Wall Street”). Other terms common here are: Garden (an event, like the Muslim’s use of “wedding” to describe an assault), Controls for Smilers (LSD mushrooms), Ginger (Allah), Weekapaug (Arabic for “hideout”), Mmgamoio (the mumbling noise a Phishhead makes when stoned on ganja), Mangoes (oral sex), Leave it on Press (blow up someone’s mind), Mr. Palmer (a double agent) and Wilson (a wise and powerful enemy). New information has surfaced that one Phishhead cell plans to hold a congress of radical activists at an establishment named “Gingerman.” Another group is agitating for a grassroots “glowstick” uprising, which is particularly unsettling when one considers that these are the perfect devices for the delivery of chemical agents, including liquid hallucinogens.

The musical style of the Phish traces its origins to the now-deceased beatnik band, The Grateful Dead. Inspired by heroin and psychedelics, the Dead played in a free-form, jazz-infused rockabilly format that often descended into utter anarchy. The Phish attempted to pick up where the Dead left off, adding Semitic sarcasm and flashy stage moves. The gimmicks did little to convince audiences of the merits of 1960s stadium music in the pop-loving 1990s. Ultimately, lead singers Trey Anastasia and Mike Gordon realized they could never handle the sophisticated chords and soulful depths of their defunct peers. In their place, they explored trendy, sophomoric fads with their music. They found success, for example, by celebrating masturbation which was a very popular habit of many young men at the time. In hits like Shine, Squirming the Coil, Meatstick, Dog’s Log, Waste and You Enjoy Myself, they repeatedly came back to furtive personal gratification. By promoting an indulgent form of self-abuse, the band quickly became famous on elite college campuses from Olympia to Plainfield.

Much like Chinese communism, the Phish seeks to destroy faith-based values. In its place, they create a new family unit, comprised not of blood relatives but like-minded adherents to the strange, noxious cult of the Phish. Older pot-addicted groupies, identified by their lack of teeth and rich septic odor, claim an elevated status in this world. They turn their backs on their communities to live “on the road” in dilapidated school buses and pedophile vans, prowling ethnic ghettoes and heartland towns with equal ardor. When they spot an innocent, smooth-skinned girl or an athletic teenage boy, they pounce with reefer bong hits and grotesquely-colored t-shirts. Quick with their opium-yellowed fingers, they grope for spare change and the moist depths of corporeal sanctity. And somewhere another loving mother, who has turned her head for just a moment, has lost a beautiful child to that dark, foul world.

No one truly knows what the Phish has planned for the epic countdown to the end of 2011. If I may speak like a “Wilson” for a moment, it’s undeniable that this year has been a difficult time for concerned citizens under Obama’s socialist reign. Our economy has been bankrupted, communist agitators have taken to the streets and religious beliefs have been unceremoniously censored in the public square. Yet we have also witnessed the amazing success of faith-based 2012 presidential candidates like Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann and Governor Rick Perry. Will the Phish aim their grungy ire at these issues on December 31st, causing widespread discord and even electoral manipulation? Only time will tell… but hopefully those who love the United States of America as I do will be paying attention. As a society, we must do everything in our power to finally put an end to the Phish’s philosophically pharmacologic phenomena of phallic “phanarchy.”

As a public service, the slide below will help you identify any Phishheads in your midst. Appropriate caution should be taken when any persons of this caliber are spotted.

For those in law enforcement, here is a primer of what to expect when facing the freewheeling Phishhead. Special care should be taken when handling them, as psychedelic hallucinations can be transmitted through human flesh contact with such people.

About The AuthorStephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !

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We of faith experience a communal horripilation at the thought of The Phish invading the peace and tranquility of our verdant communities. These carriers of filth and squalor are a threat to decent folk.

Why must people show so much disdain and hate for goodness and beauty with obstreperous hoards of unwashed heathens wrapped in hemp cloth?

It is rather strange to think that this hippie fad is still terrorizing America. I remember when these types protested against President Nixon as he tried to save us from hardcore communism in Vietnam. They tried to do the same when President Bush brought peace and justice to Iraq. Well, the more things change the more they don’t as they say.

As always, I really do love hearing from you Blanche and wish you the very best this Christmas! Peace be on you and keep your doors locked at night.

Wow where to start? Ok first off you stated so many things that are wrong I am not sure if the article is a joke or not. “the phish” ?? Who is “the phish” never heard of them. I know of a band called Phish. And I have been to many of their New Years Eve Shows. And if you did your research genius… You would know that Phish has done many many shows in NYC for new years. And for multiple days. Occupy walstreet has nothing to do with Phish.
Also no Phish fan I know is obsessed with anal sex. Or biggatry like you clearly display. Its funny that when you meet some of us Phish fans, we are fun loving people. Hate isnt breeding at a Phish show, like it does in your misleading article Stephenson Billings. And these supposed hidden messages or dual meanings i.e. Wilson etc. Do your research, wilson is part of Trey’s seinor thesis. It’s called The Man Who Stepped Into Yesterday. You Enjoy Myself, simply a song, a great song at that hate monger. So read through all my typo’s and understand Stephenson, we Phish heads are all about having a good time. I go to shows and can still pass any drugs test when it’s over. Yes some people use drugs, but you cant classify a group of people by what a few do. Then you must be a child rapist sir. Imean come on how many youth group leaders, priests, and congregation members eventually get convicted on raping or sexually assulting young kids??? Too many to count. Maybe you should find something less innocent to hate on. We are simply men and women who are better than you. I would never have said that with out meeting you. But your ignorance shined right through your farce of an article. I laugh at your incompitence and lack of any reality. NYE shows have been going on for decades, and will continue to go on… Even after you are convicted of sexually assulting a group of young boys, we will still be dancing in the streets to Phish. Now go home and get your shine box you fake Christian.

THanks for the comment Alex, but you got plenty of your facts incorrect. First of all, the band’s name is The Phish, much like The Grateful Dead or The Rolling Stones. Your fanatics abbreviate it sometimes, but this does not sound right grammatically. Would you ever say, “I like Alan Parsons Project”? No, that’s just pigeon English.

Furthermore, I have reviewed numerous sources and there is clearly a number of people agitating for political revolt among the Phishheads. They use terms like “Occupy” and “Occupy the Garden” “Occupy the Ginger Man” and whatnot. Did you happen to get past the 2nd paragraph of my article? If you had, you would see the evidence is rather undeniable.

As for anal sex, I agree it is disgusting but when a subculture picks it up, what can you do? Hopefully parents are reading this article and taking steps to prevent their children from experimenting with narcotics. I believe sodomy is truly the greastest form of human debasement. It’s also foully painful.

I don’t usually log in or comment on these sights but I came across your article on Facebook. This incensed me! I had to comment. This might be the worst peice of writing that I have ever seen. Yes I attend Phish shows (it is not or never has been “THE PHISH”)and these are large very peaceful get togethers with little or no violence. I do not do drugs. Yes, there are drugs prevelent, but no more than any other concert. These shows are not rancid and Phish is not a heavy metal band. As for sexual overtones, how hypocritcal can one person be. All the priests and congregation members (people of faith) raping and sodomizing children out there in this day in age. I hate to say this but I would be more comfortable sending my child to a Phish show than a sunday school class in in today’s society. Maybe you should concentrate on condeming some of your own before you judge fun loving people who enjoy talented musicians such as Phish. I don’t know who your sources are, but they are morons too! You are such a jerk!

Your bigotry shocks me. Didn’t they teach you in school that America was founded on the freedom of religion? It’s a vital aspect of our society and CHristians truly represent liberty in this nation. Why do you liberals demand censorship when you come across a heartfelt idea you don’t like? I have the Constitution to thank for my freedom of the press and freedom of speech, despite the socialistic dictatorship you Dems clamor for.

Who the hell is Alex? Billings, get your glasses on, your eyesight is gone. And, no, the band’s name is simply “Phish”, not “The Phish”, same goes with Grateful Dead. The odds of you doing actual research don’t even exist, you can’t get anything right.

you DO realize that there is no “peace” now in Iraq. The bombings that people experience in that nation still occur daily. Coalition forces helped to make the violence occur a little less, but we by no means eradicated it. We have now also left a power vacuum of sorts in which the national security forces of the Iraqi people cannot properly resond to the terrorism and violence that runs rampant in the country. Get your facts straight.

Someone here was also going on that OWS happened before these concerts….yes, genius, usually concert events are planned far in advance of anything, even a protest that only started this fall. Is Phish supposed to avoid having their concert just because OWS happens to also be in NYC, a place where millions of people and millions of events and agendas interact every day? Is it so hard to think that there are even CHRISTIAN CHURCHES, great congregations that live in this “depressed urban area”? So should Wall Street workers also stop their activities because of a protest?

Additionally, OWS is anything but anti-Christian. Although it may not be so black an white as this; OWS opposes corporate greed. NOT capitalism. OWS is against those in our nation who hoard wealth and try to procure it without cessation. Beyond that, most Wall Streeters know nothing of common charity of generosity; their money is theirs, they made it, and they can keep it. That’s fine in the spirit of capitalism, but is un-Christian to not share resources with your fellow man if he is in dire need of food, or shelter, or a common, decent wage.

I am a Christian and I am not afraid to admit I love you but these threats of violence really have to stop. What sort of human being are you? This is wrong and offensive and your mother, were she to know about it, would surely be outraged. What a disservice you are doing to your family.

As for Iraq, are you dismissing all those dead soldiers so casually? Would you prefer despot Saddam Hussein dropping his enemies into burning pots of oil? Cutting off their hands and raping their children? He was a sick man, the true epitome of evil. This is what you liberals don’t understand. We need to take action and promote liberty around the world or else we’re all going to die horrible deaths.

You people make fun of Michelle Bachmann taking a stand on Iran but I do not want to see another Hitler in the Middle East. If one nuclear bomb can save tens of millions of innocents lives, who are we to say that’s wrong? Hippies are afraid of confronting faith and honesty. You’d rather have your free socialist health care and marijuana riots… Well, the rest of us in America have to work to make your jam band concert tour vacations possible. Leech.

“I am a Christian and I am not afraid to admit I love you but these threats of violence really have to stop.”

Then how about you actually pay attention to the bible and read ALL that it bans. Ever got a shave or a haircut Billings? How about pork, you eat that? Ever done any work on a Sunday? Ever talk to a woman while she was on her period? All that is stuff God doesn’t like.

“What sort of human being are you? This is wrong and offensive and your mother, were she to know about it, would surely be outraged. What a disservice you are doing to your family.”

I’m sure if she heard about you, she’d be doing the same thing, you sick freak. All you do is hate and hate.

“As for Iraq, are you dismissing all those dead soldiers so casually? Would you prefer despot Saddam Hussein dropping his enemies into burning pots of oil? Cutting off their hands and raping their children? He was a sick man, the true epitome of evil.”

Yes, yes he was. We still didn’t have a justifiable reason for invading his country when he had absolutely nothing to do with the attacks nor did he conceal any weapons of mass destruction, nor did he do anything to America for quite awhile, and anything he did do, it’s been well-past the time to actually do anything about.

“This is what you liberals don’t understand. We need to take action and promote liberty around the world or else we’re all going to die horrible deaths.”

You want to invade the privacy of other people who’s lives aren’t exactly like yours, you think you know better than people who live in their countries, and you think that, for some reason, EVERYONE wants to be like America.

“You people make fun of Michelle Bachmann taking a stand on Iran but I do not want to see another Hitler in the Middle East. If one nuclear bomb can save tens of millions of innocents lives, who are we to say that’s wrong?”

Depends on the reason why the bomb is dropped. More than likely, you morons want to drop it with plenty of innocent civilians nearby because you’re too stupid to tell them apart from the enemy.

“Hippies are afraid of confronting faith and honesty. You’d rather have your free socialist health care and marijuana riots… Well, the rest of us in America have to work to make your jam band concert tour vacations possible. Leech.”

You’re afraid of admitting the truth Billings, what makes you so much better than ‘those damned hippies’ when you can’t even bother to do a fucking Google search on Kim Jong Il or ANY OTHER PERSON YOU TALK ABOUT.

“Stephenson Billings
Investigative Journalist”

Again, you don’t bother doing any actual ‘investigating’, so why do you call yourself one?

aright first of all every piece of information in this article is completely wrong…THE PHISH as you put it were putting on these 4 shows way before OWS even started…

2nd of all if you think every person who likes phish is a “hippie” you are very mi-informed

SODOMY is a secret message? get the hell out of here…how someone on this website, can call sodomy a secret message of phish yet be a part of THE CHURCH who diddles little boys on the reg is out of control…

KIDNAPPING? where the hell does the idiot who wrote this article get his information

this article is a prime example og why this website and the people behind it are manipulative lying shmohawks who have no clue what is going on this world around them..

you people need to get a grip on reality and come to terms with the world we live in, all that is going on here is good music in one of the best venues in the country…and you idiots are making it out to be like Satan has just arose and is tearing the world apart

Mike, in case you haven’t heard these concerts haven’t happened yet. In fact they’re happening in a week. The OWS riots happened at the beginning of this year. How can you argue that the Phish happened before OWS? That’s just silly, but with the large amounts of LSD you people take on a daily basis I’m not surprised at your confusion.

As for sodomy, I am sorry to invade on your favorite “pastime” but it’s clearly a sin and one of the sickest ones around. Indeed, you may recall that 1 Timothy 1:9-11 states:

“We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine that conforms to the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.”

You don’t follow the bible, why should the rest of us do so? And you’re nothing more than a confused old bastard who’s mother throws bottles at whenever you go to see her. She realizes you’re a failure, we know you’re a failure, why can’t you just admit that you’re a failure?

“You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” –John 8:44.

L.N. of late your posts have descended into mindless vacuity. Perhaps its time to take a little time off and consider why you even came here in the first place? This site is a christian site, so who is this ”we” you keep talking about?

No one, except angry teens and emo fags agree with your degenerate approach, and frank abuse of the members on this site.

Stephenson Billings is a world acclaimed Journalist, do you even check the credentials of the people you attempt to slander in your childish posts?

You better watch your mouth next time you decide to open your mouth here young lady.

OWS started in the fall…not at the beginning of this year. do you read? the concert was probably planned long before the start of protests. should your Christian brothers in the city suspend their mass just because OWS happens to be in the same city? a city where millions of people go and millions of things happen in a day?

furthermore, Phish has nothing to do with sodomy. Maybe a few of their fans practiced it, but didn’t a few priests or preachers violate our youth? no group of people is without a black sheep.

I grew up Christian, and I still have a great respect and love for God. I know that he gave me not only a Bible with code and morals, but a bain and free will. Try spending some time researching the subject of the article outside of ChristWire. See if what you find matches.

“And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every hearrt and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.” –1 Chronicles 28:9.

These devils are still waiting will try to draw you near so they can take out their sleeping monkeys and “boogie” on your cavern with their strange designs and they will repeatedly do this for 46 days or until you are silent in the morning.

Considering you can’t even spell the name of a man that just died recently, who’s name is ALL OVER HEADLINES by the way, as well as being unable to GRAB A FUCKING PICTURE OF HIM even though his death was big news to the world, I don’t exactly see why you’re posting anything else up. It’s obvious you don’t do any research and you just make shit up. Let me guess, you’re an old fart that hates the ‘new generation’, and you associate ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING that you don’t like with them or vice versa.

I would respond to this comment logically if it contained one iota of proof, or even common sense. Sadly I must inform the rest of you, the note writer is a well known hacker atheist around these parts who has committed his life to fighting against wisdom and spiritual righteousness. LN, I really want to love you and open your mind but you just run away from me. Please take a moment and think about me, tell me your dreams and desire and what make you who you are. I truly want to help you!

“Sadly I must inform the rest of you, the note writer is a well known hacker atheist around these parts who has committed his life to fighting against wisdom and spiritual righteousness. ”

The fuck? The note writer? Me? A ‘hacker atheist who’s well known’? I don’t think you get what it means to ‘be a hacker’, dumb ass. Some one used my name to post up here occasionally. I haven’t hacked a computer in my life, so what proof do you have that I am one?

Too scared to admit that you have no proof? Too afraid to actually have a legitimate argument against someone? You’re nothing but a fucking coward, you fucking pedophile.

LN, by using internet access to log on to this website and using our technology to post inflammatory comments meant to harass and terrorize men and women such as myself– well, that’s the very definition of a hacker!

Well maybe you’re just not a very good hacker. I seem to remember about four dozen times when you have tried to access my personal information, including my social security and home phone. You have also tried to take down this website and comment on this idea constantly. I even remember you threatening me with physical violence which just makes you a thug. A hacker thug? Your mother must be so proud.

“Well maybe you’re just not a very good hacker. I seem to remember about four dozen times when you have tried to access my personal information, including my social security and home phone.”

OH THAT’S FUCKING RICH! I mean it, I damn near fell out my chair when I read that! You honestly think I tried 48 times to hack your information, including your social security and home phone number? What proof do you even have that this happened? What proof do you even have that -I- did this? God you’re such a liar!

“You have also tried to take down this website and comment on this idea constantly.”

When have I ever tried to take this website down, and show me one comment that I made that specified this? Not anyone else, YOU Billings, YOU pull up that quote. You said I commented on it, you should have access to it quite easily. Or are you going along with ‘I hear it somewhere once so I’m assuming it’s the truth 100%!’ like all the other retards who post their blogs here?

“I even remember you threatening me with physical violence which just makes you a thug. A hacker thug? Your mother must be so proud.”

Oh gee, considering YOU FUCKING THREATENED TO ASSAULT ME, I guess we can say we’re even. Oh wait, you also threatened to assault OTHER people, and even said you even smacked a couple of other boys upside the head with a shovel and roped them and dumped them in your basement behind doors and such.

I’d say your mother must be proud, but fuck it, I couldn’t say such a lie with a straight face, we all know she hates you.

What truth? You call me a hacker without proof (and you couldn’t be bothered to actually define what a hacker is), you claim I tried to hack your information almost 50 times without proof, you confuse two different people all the damn time, you can’t spell people’s names right, you don’t follow the Bible while shoving it down the throats of every single person you see, you don’t do any actual research and just make shit up.

Hey Billings, that’s not ‘truth’, that’s what we normal people call a ‘lie’. You see Billings, a ‘lie’ is where you tell someone something that isn’t true. Did you get that, or did I go too fast for you?

You don’t even have anything in you pea-sized brain of yours that can produce any logical comment on this god-forsaken site. And common sense means “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should”.

You speak of wisdom and spiritual righteousness, but I’ve only seen hatred and blind lies, yet you would say that we should be just like you, a low life son of a bitch who can hardly make a connection between reality and fantasy.

If you really want to ‘help us’, you should more think about helping yourself out of the delusion.

People in the South have soul. They have compassion. We know how to love and how to fight. We are not greedy or deviant. We may not be as rich as the Europeans and the Jewish types in the big city, but we’re far richer when it comes to the things that matter.

I guess the limousine liberals like Obama and Jon Stewart will never understand this.

You’re also a bunch of racist, xenophobic hicks if you declare yourself the majority of Southerns. When you decide to show people respect and actually follow the fucking bible to the letter (which doing both is impossible, really), THEN you can get some respect.

Who the fuck is Mike? And there’s nothing racist about being white; what’s racist is how you all tend to think you’re better than anyone who isn’t white, and especially in YOUR case how you hate anyone who isn’t American.

You shouldn’t hate who you are Mike and white people certainly need not hide today just because we have an ethnic president and companies practice “affirmative action” even though most scholars admit it’s unconstitutional.

New York has always been the bastion of uncouth socila dregs like that Zimmerman fellow who got banished from Minnesota and went to the Greenwitch Villiage area and penned those confusing dribbles about wars, stolen innocence and how everybody must get stoned. It wasn’t too long after that they opened that studio 54 sex slavery ring that had to have it’s doors kicked in.
Also, weren’t the Talking Heads from around there?

Im just saying its like annie is trying to cover up the beauty the lord already has given her. Its okay at least the anointed makeup industry corporations can make some money off her lack of self confidence. She could be a cover girl withot all the makeup tho.

I’m not a woman, but hey, talk all you want. At the end of the day, I have numerous girls fighting for my attention and all you have is your mom fighting with you over who gets the last slice of leftover meatloaf. *shrugs*

I’m not a fan of mainstream, either. But you can’t like the band that I just listed if your really a ‘christian’. Plus, I just wanted to see what more bullshit you can pull out of your ass for these awesome bands.

Every time you talk to him, YOU KEEP CALLING HIM BLACK and saying things like ‘you blacks don’t understand blah blah blah’. You don’t think he’d be a wee bit pissed that you keep calling him something he isn’t?

Hi Will, thanks for the words of support. It seems like the Phishheads have finally woken up from their drug stupors and come online en masse to harass Christian free speech once again. Funny, but our boys overseas are fighting for the very liberties these kids riot against. I wonder how these hippies would square against a real Marine?

as a catholic and a die hard phish fan this article offends me more than most. Christmas eve and day are both at my house this year and I will be attending 3 of the 4 nights with my sister. my sister who I’ve seen 15 shows with and who I grew close to because of phish. to insinuate that phish is trying to keep families from celebrating together is ridiculous because this is what my sister and I got each other for Christmas and our parents are meeting us for dinner one night of tr run. yes, there is drug use but plans to terrorize patriotism!? I spent my fourth of July at a phish fesitval with my sister and it was the most patriotic fourth I’ve ever had. (I ran a 5k!) so do some research and realize there are a lot of worse things than a band spending 4 nights doing what they love and making people feel alive.

These Gay for Trey hippysexuals are repulsive!!! Trampled, if you werent busy squirming your coil to old mens meatsticks and letting Ernest Anastasia puttting his bittersweet cum on you like Arnold in Schwarzenegger in “pumping iron” or having your ears urinated in , you would see how truthful this blessed article is. Thank u for sharing the word of the lord once again Mr Billings

I have read many articles and blog posts by self-proclaimed Phishheads who state that they consider fellow fans in these stadiums their “family.” Many refer to the Phish tour as a “college reunion” or a “family reunion.” If you knew anything about communism, you’d know that the Soviets did the same thing. They sought to redefine the nuclear family unit to make it an industrial structure, something about work and politics. Is it any surprise that such radical socialist politics are so evident with these New Year’s Eve concerts?

Christians call each other Brother and Sister and Father, so that must me that Christians are similar to Soviets. And why exactly is it a bad thing to redefine certain aspects? What one redefines it as, maybe, but a little bit of change doesn’t hurt.

What’s that? All you think you have to do is get on your knees and pray? Sorry asshole, but if you’re gonna whip out bible verses and quote Leviticus whenever the situation suits you, how about following ALL THE FUCKING RULES instead of just whatever ones you pick?

Why are you so obsessed with the lives of other people Billings? Why do you think I live at home, why do you think I’m 23, why do you think I’m unemployed, and why do you think my dad is angry at me? A psychology major, you are not asshole, so stop trying to analyze other people like you are one.

I’m just saying that maybe you’re aiming too high. You need to make some money and everyone started somewhere so why don’t you take a retail job for the time being? Maybe later that corporate stuff will open up, but in this economy things are going to be tight for a while. When I was your age, things were tough too but that just meant we had to work twice as hard to get noticed. I think all this time sitting around the house is just making things worse. You’re getting upset and depressed and maybe that makes you a bad job candidate. And frankly, all this waiting around seems a bit lazy in my eyes. I just wish you had some idea what the next year is going to be like career-wise.

Listen LN or Mike or whatever name you’re using today: You’re not proud of being unemployed, I get it. It’s not all your fault. The economy sucks. I just wish you’d drop that pride and try to make a little money, even if it means working at KFC. Nothing to be ashamed of in bringing home a paycheck to your family. I mean that completely sincerely.

It’s L.N, it’s always BEEN L.N, you’re too fucking stupid to realize that. YOU were the one who kept calling me Mike.

“You’re not proud of being unemployed, I get it.”

I asked why you think I’m unemployed. You see, I’m sitting here, laughing my ass off at you, because you can’t even get the most basic details of my life right, and you’re acting like you know me better than I do.

“It’s not all your fault. The economy sucks. I just wish you’d drop that pride and try to make a little money, even if it means working at KFC. Nothing to be ashamed of in bringing home a paycheck to your family. I mean that completely sincerely.”

Oh shut the fuck up you self-entitled freak, you quite literally do not know the first thing about me. Go ahead, let’s test you’re knowledge of my life, go ahead and post up my life’s story Billings. Don’t let your boyfriend do it, it’s YOUR job. Go on, tell me about my life.

There’s no possible way somebody is this disillusioned or incompetent. You have to love the inconsistencies though….

‘The Phish’
‘Mangoes’ (not sure how these relate to oral sex, but I have to admit there is something magical about it).
‘Squirming the Coil’ (I’m willing to bet the author has officially squirmed his coil a little too much, and is delusional).

What about Fee or Colonel Forben, Marco Esquandolas…or Roger?

You know, you’re not exactly helping the church’s chances of bringing more people in the door. Instead, more just convincing the masses that God is dead. He definitely killed himself when he realized that he created the people that could actually conceive or even believe anything in this article to be true.

At least at the end of the day Mr. Billings can go to bed telling his imaginary friend that his article had officially broken the last highest count of five readers.

He better be sure to say a prayer to the Gods of Rock and Roll and thank ‘The Phish’ for making his column a popular one at last.

I wish I could understand your comment but you seem strangely confused. My argument is clearly stated and backed up with solid research. Your comment, on the other hand, reeks like the curling yellow smoke of an opium pipe.

I’m sorry I totally bought into this being a serious publication. You’re going to want to step it up a bit if you want to compete with ‘The Onion’. This was definitely comical though. Thanks for the laugh.

Oh, and about the solid research, you’re gonna want to go back and double check your sources in that case. Don’t forget that if one of information is incorrect, then it destroys any credibility you hope to gain.

I’m not sure what to make of your comment, but the arrogance and fake intellectualism does not surprise me. Do you genuinely consider yourself this intelligent or is your conceit merely an accident, a late afternoon release of pent-up frustration? In any case, your criticism of my writing has fallen on deaf ears. I doubt you could comprehend the joys of Ezekiel, the wit of Thomas Merton and the passion of Rev. Robertson. Be on your way, I’d rather not have the simpleminded buffoons of your ilk spewing their hateful nectar across this website.

Me? Reply to what? I was waiting for you to call the authorities. Could you specifically give them my info? We will all have a good laugh. “Police, there is a private church website that I am visiting and posting on voluntarily, please arrest them because I can’t ignore them”

I know it’s sinful and not the will of the Lord but I just cant keep my eyes off that g-string of the one musician in the second image, the one with the little bowtie, I mean dayum! Sure is nice looking. I know I shouldnt be staring at it anymore and I need to go repent now, so brb. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays 2 U Atheists.

The combination of drugs in the parking lot and the frail physical statue of these young hippies is a terrible thing. I read not only do hackeesaxers snap their ankles and twist them like pretzels, but those boys kick each other all the time chasing that bean bag around like pansy soccer players. They go home with shinbones blacker than an emo’s soul.

The Phish have a sinister song about using drugs to deflower innocent under-aged girls called “Please Her With a Tweezers.” The songs makes mention of using a tweezers to extract blotter hallucinogens from a freezer and giving it to youths to affect their awareness level to an extent that they will become sexually opened to the hedonistic thrusts of brutish devil possessed degenerates.
This should be stopped using established rico laws.

Stephson Billings you are nothing more than a mislead bible bumping bigot. It is clear that you are an anti semite by bringing up New York Jews. You also accused someone else of being black WHY cause you are ignorant what makes you think you are superior cause you follow the church. Jews and Blacks are good people unlike you whom is filled with hate. YOU ARE AN IGNORANT UNINFORMED ASSHOLE. Go put on your white sheet and hood and expose yourself for what you really are.

If you are a parent. I urge you to keep your innocent mellifluous christian child away from The Phish. The will try to bend your boy over like a ride him like a mule. There intention hoist his roundroom upon their tubes! Excuse me for weighing in on this talk but The Phish a vile heavy metal band!

This is all true. Every word. The Phish made me try anal sex! And I LOVE it! My vagina has even started to feel kind of left out. I think on NYE I’m going to let two wooks penetrate me at once. I am going to scream words like “Jesus Christ!” and “Oh, God!” when it’s happening. It will be a religious experience, to say the very least. I hope they play “The Divided Sky” when this happens. I sure do love those Jew rockers!

Stephenson, You quite possibly are the biggest jackass on planet earth. There’s not one word of truth in the entire article. Please tell me that this is a prank article, similar to The Onion. That’s the only possible explanation for a writer to put this to paper.

L.N. of late your posts have descended into mindless vacuity. Perhaps its time to take a little time off and consider why you even came here in the first place? This site is a christian site, so who is this ”we” you keep talking about?

No one, except angry teens and emo fags agree with your degenerate approach, and frank abuse of the members on this site.

Stephenson Billings is a world acclaimed Journalist, do you even check the credentials of the people you attempt to slander in your childish posts?

You better watch your mouth next time you decide to open your mouth here young lady.

Listen Pembrooke, do you have any evidence for your claims? I suspect you have not the slightest shred.

My Grandpa told me an old story one about the dangers of slandering someone, on his plantation here in Louisiana a negro was mouthing off about Grandpa to the other Negros, when the master ( my grandpa) found out he had this little bugger tied to the highest tree for 2 days straight. Let me tell you that the little bugger never did it again.

Again Pembrooke, as a father of 5 I hope my advice against slandering people is duly noted by you, young man. If you live a respectfull and proper lifestyle you might be able to elevate yourself out of the getthos and into the upper crusts of society, again I wish you all the best.

Again, who is this Pembrooke? Because no one here is named that. And you want claims?
“Juch like Chinese communism, the Phish seeks to destroy faith-based values.”

No, they don’t. They are just a rock band.

“In its place, they create a new family unit, comprised not of blood relatives but like-minded adherents to the strange, noxious cult of the Phish.”

There is no cult of the Phish. There is only fans of them. Sure, some are extremists but so are Christians.

“Older pot-addicted groupies, identified by their lack of teeth and rich septic odor, claim an elevated status in this world.”

This is all his opinion. No facts in here. Not everyone in these ‘groupies’ smoke pot or have lack of teeth or smell.

“They turn their backs on their communities to live “on the road” in dilapidated school buses and pedophile vans, prowling ethnic ghettoes and heartland towns with equal ardor.”

Again, this is just his opinion. They do not live on the road in pedo vans prowling ghettoes.

“When they spot an innocent, smooth-skinned girl or an athletic teenage boy, they pounce with reefer bong hits and grotesquely-colored t-shirts.”

This is just retarded. These are not ‘cult of the Phish’ doing this but pedophiles.

“Quick with their opium-yellowed fingers, they grope for spare change and the moist depths of corporeal sanctity. And somewhere another loving mother, who has turned her head for just a moment, has lost a beautiful child to that dark, foul world.”

Grope? How would he know this anyway? And opium-yellowed fingers? All opinion.

This is almost as bad a civic sanitation disaster that New York has ever suffered since when the Grateful Dead did a week stand there or the garbage strike before that and with the wall street hippies there too, you’re looking at one of their worst ever disasters, period.