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Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Fear, Anger, Hope, Relief, Confidence, Confusion,
Stubbornness, Ignorance, Obligation, Responsibility… all feelings or states of
mind that I have seen all over our society in regards to this hot topic. Some
of you know where I stand, and the rest of you, will at least a little bit more
if you take the time to read all of this. I apologize in advance if my
observations, thoughts and feelings are all over the place in the coming
paragraphs. I’m not a professional writer or scientist, but I do care an awful
lot about my kids and others, which is why I haven’t been able to get these
things off my mind, especially in the last few weeks.

To tell the truth, I have some hesitation in opening my
heart and mind on the issue because it’s SO controversial and I know that some
of you are very passionate about your beliefs and I don’t want it to hurt our
friendship. Hopefully it’s strong enough to handle some disagreement and we can
both acknowledge that the other is genuinely trying to make the right decision
for their children.

I’ve read a lot of articles online, on BOTH sides of the
issue. I’ve heard the pleas and the fears and the name-calling and the threats
and the stories and the studies and the assumptions and I know that it all
comes from two paradoxical roots: LOVE and FEAR.

We love our kids so much. We want the best for them. We want
them healthy. We want to make all the right decisions, and sometimes we don’t
know who to trust. We want them to live life to the fullest. But we’re afraid. Afraid
of what might happen to them if we do or don’t give them the shot(s). Afraid of
what people might think if we ask questions or change our stance. What if I
don’t get them vaccinated and they get the measles or polio or whooping cough?
What if I vaccinate them and they start showing signs of autism or the disease
that the shot is supposed to prevent? What if my kid gets sick because of
someone else who deliberately skipped the shot? What if my kid gets a baby sick
and he/she dies?

I beg of you to let your decision be motivated by love and
not fear. And it doesn’t have to be cookie-cutter. You might decide to get one
shot but not another. You might decide to have them for one child but not the
other. You might decide to spread them out and only get them when they are
perfectly healthy. I may disagree with your choice but I believe you have the
right to choose, and I will respect that right as long as you have done your
homework. Not blindly following the advice of a doctor or a celebrity or
relative or friend.

It can be hard to sift through all the statistics that don’t
match up, because many reports are slanted. The adamant cries of “There is no
link” and “It’s obvious there’s a link” never end. What shall we do then?

I’m going to be honest and share some of our history with
vaccines from as far back as I can remember. I showed up to junior high and
couldn’t get registered because I hadn’t had a certain shot. Looking back now,
I realize at least partly why I hadn’t had it, because I skipped kindergarten so
I was a year younger than everyone and the recommendation for whatever
vaccination it was, was age 12 and I was 11. But I had to go get the shot and
come back.

Fast forward to my first pregnancy. So many choices to be
made and things to learn about parenting but I didn’t have a ton of spare time
to research what with working full-time, moving twice, planning a wedding and
going into labor early. So I just pretty much listened to whatever advice came
my way, aside from the things that I already felt strongly about, like
breastfeeding. I don’t remember researching vaccines at all.

We fell in love with our pediatrician. She was caring and
intelligent and respectful. We got every shot they offered from the very
beginning, without fear of side effects. I trusted her because in my eyes she
was the expert and wouldn’t recommend anything harmful. Honestly, I was also
very sleep-deprived so I was too lazy to do my own research, despite one or two
friends raising questions and encouraging us to think twice. To sum up, my
attitude was, “I’m sure my doctor knows best and I don’t feel like finding out
otherwise. Just do what she says.” I remember Julia running a fever and
sleeping more the day after each round of shots, but luckily nothing worse. Riley
was still a bit more skeptical, so I agreed to split up Julia’s 12-month shots
into two visits, and put off any further ones until we thought about it more
and were sure it was the right decision. At that 1-year checkup (or maybe it
was at the 18 month one, I don’t remember exactly), the doctor assured me that
Julia showed no signs of autism, and at least one of the shots was a booster so
we would’ve known already if she would have a bad reaction to it. She was
agreeable for the most part but encouraged us to at least get the DTaP because
a lot of children were getting whooping cough.

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment where we realized/decided
we weren’t going to do them anymore, I guess it was gradual. Do I think every single vaccination available is evil and would I absolutely under no circumstances ever consent to receiving a single one? No.

Everyone who chooses not to vaccinate has a unique
combination of reasons for refusing them. Contrary to popular belief, most
parents aren’t ditching the shots because of Jenny McCarthy or Andrew
Wakefield, so let’s just stop throwing that around. Here are a few of ours:

1.God designed our children with an immune system.
He didn’t mess up, and I’m going to trust that it will do its job if we give it
the right tools (sleep, water, eating the right foods and using natural
medicine when needed). To me, it feels a little bit like the Tower of Babel to
go trying to create artificial immunity.

2.The original strains of many vaccines were cultured
in the cell lines of electively aborted human babies. These are still available
for purchase online, which I find appalling. It just doesn’t sit right with
me…ethically, spiritually, physically. Some people think well, what’s done is
done, and now some good can come of it, the sacrifice of one baby is worth
saving the lives of people who would otherwise die of a vaccine-preventable
disease, but I disagree. “By His stripes we were healed.” I could be wrong, but
it feels a little insulting to think that Jesus’ sacrifice wasn’t enough and we
need some additional shedding of innocent blood to rid our world of sickness.
For you vegans out there, you might be interested to know that they also use
embryos of animals. [Note: I did not say the shots your kids are getting
contain actual cells from aborted babies. This is a common misconception among
some non-vaccinating parents. So don’t go misquoting me].

3.The side effects of many vaccines are about the
same as or worse than the disease itself. You can find this information in the
package insert, but sadly most parents don’t bother, and I worry that many
pediatricians don’t either. I know for a fact that there are doctors who just
prescribe whatever is promoted by the rep who brought lunch that day, without
any further research. I know all doctors are not equal, and most have good intentions
and a sincere desire to “do no harm” and help people. But they’re not perfect,
and it’s our responsibility to do our part and not just leave our children’s health
and parenting decisions completely in their hands.

4.This isn’t the biggest reason for me, because
our family probably consumes these in some of the foods we eat so I don’t want
to be a hypocrite, but just for your information, I will list some of the
ingredients commonly found in vaccines: Mercury…although this has been somewhat
eliminated, even some “thimerosal-free” vaccines still have a trace amount.
Aluminum, linked to Alzheimers. Antibiotics, which destroy the good bacteria
thereby hindering natural immunity. Formaldehyde. MSG, a neurotoxin.

5.The immunity that MIGHT come from a vaccine is
inferior to the natural immunity that comes from getting the real thing, or
better yet, as babies from the breastmilk of a mother who has developed
immunity after having the disease. I had chickenpox when I was about 2 years
old (with scars to prove it), and I’m fine. My grandma had the mumps as a child
and lived to be 84. Are those reasons enough to refuse all vaccinations? Of
course not. Neither is seeing a picture of someone who died of Tetanus cause
for us all running out and getting “caught up” on our shots.

Now let’s talk about just a
couple of the reasons TO vaccinate. I will use italics because I’m not
convinced these are true or factual.

Vaccines
have eradicated many diseases, so we should keep using them. If you
read enough, you will find research that concludes that these diseases were
already well on the decline before vaccines were introduced, due to improved
sanitation and what-not. This argument will probably never end so you decide
which you believe.

People
die from vaccine-preventable diseases. It’s irresponsible to refuse the shot. Let’s
talk statistics straight from the CDC. According to their website, before the measles
vaccine was introduced, approximately 1 in 10,000 people who got the disease,
died from it. Now let’s take a look at vehicle related deaths: 1 in 1,000. So,
make sure to buckle up, don’t run red lights and stay under the speed limit on
your way to that play date with an unvaccinated child. Now correct me if my calculator
is dysfunctional, but it looks to me like your child is 10x more likely to die
on the way than he/she is from measles, and that’s assuming the child has it
and spreads it to yours. Anybody up for mandatory banning of motor vehicles?
*crickets*

Herd
immunity. First of all, that term lends itself to treating people like
cattle.But Oh Boy. This is a doozy
and I’m a little scared to attack it because I haven’t spent my adult years
developing a thesis on epidemiology. But I will just counter with this fact:
Vaccinated children can shed the virus they have been injected with, and infect
other vaccinated or un-vaccinated children. So you can be mad at me because my
child may get the disease from someone else, and then infect your child who is
too young to get the shot, and/or I can be mad at you for infecting my child
with your child’s shedding virus. Or, I have a better idea. You can do your best
to beef up your child’s immune system, and I’ll do my best too, and we’ll stay
away from each other if a fever pops up.

But here’s the deal: the world
we live in is broken, and only in heaven will sickness be gone for good. “But,
Joanna, you haven’t seen a patient dying of measles or whooping cough, because
they were unable to be vaccinated and some anti-vaxxer got this kid sick.”
You’re right, I haven’t. Does that mean we should all go get vaccinated? Hmmm.
What about all those OTHER patients the media likes to ignore? You know, the ones that have been injured, sometimes fatally, by a vaccine. Those are someone's children, too. What if there’s a
better solution but it’s not so simple because not everybody will ever
cooperate? What if there is NO solution because disease will always be here and
we need to just do the best we can? I want to be sensitive to those who have
watched their own children or patients suffer or die from an illness, so I
hesitate to harp too much on this. Please forgive me if I’ve offended you.

There will always be those that
claim, “Vaccines have been proven to be safe and effective” and those that
assert, “Vaccines are not as safe and effective as they say they are.” Some
people back this up with conviction and years of study, while others just say
it because they’ve heard it said enough times. I beg of you, whichever side
you’re on, to keep asking, and seeking, and knocking, even if you KNOW you’re
right. Try to see the other point of view, because you might see the light and
change your mind, and/or become even more convinced in your position and then
be able to confidently share that truth with others. So if you’re going to be
staunch on one side, at least be able to say, “I’ve looked at the reasons to
vaccinate (or not) and this is what I believe is the best for my child.”

Now listen, I’m all for caring
about the health of other people’s children. It’s no secret that I care more
about my children’s than yours, and I’m sure you feel the same way. But this
whole notion that I should have to put my child at risk in order to save your
child from risk just doesn’t add up to me. Again (and forgive the gravity of
this scenario), the odds are much greater that I will fatally injure your child
in a car crash than my child infecting your child with a vaccine-preventable
disease. Why isn’t anyone calling me names and threatening to throw me in jail,
for daring to drive anywhere? We all take risks, every day. Each parent decides
what is worth the risk and what isn’t, and what they’re willing to do to
protect their kids, and other people’s kids. Got a peanut allergy? You won’t
find me serving PBJs to my kid on our play date. Going through the most fragile
steps of alcoholism recovery? I’m not going to break out the booze when you
come over. But I will not stand by and let someone put a virus in my child’s
body in order to (arguably) decrease the odds of some other child catching it.

One day you’ll read an article
about a toddler that showed signs of autism the day after getting vaccinated.
The next day you’ll read an article about a baby that died of whooping cough
because he was too young for the vaccine and the parent of whoever he got it
from didn’t want to vaccinate for whatever reason (I can assure you it’s not
because they didn’t care about your child, it’s because they care about THEIR
child). There will probably always be fear-mongering on both sides. But one
thing that bugs me is the hatred and anger and name-calling between parents on
opposite sides of the fence. I get it, we disagree. Figure out what you think
is the best choice for YOUR CHILD (that’s the one you’ve been entrusted with,
this isn’t communism), and then leave it in God’s hands. Hope that he or she
won’t die of the disease they were or weren’t vaccinated for. But don’t try to
get others to do it your way by sending fear or guilt into their hearts. If you
want to motivate someone to change their mind, the best way to do it is (with
kindness) to present them with unbiased, double-blind studies, un-slanted
statistics, convincing them that the shots (or lack of) will be of greater
benefit than risk to THEIR child, not others. By the way, you CAN send your
child to public school without “mandatory” vaccinations. Or you can just
home-school. But I digress. =)

I guess I’m not really here to
try to talk you out of vaccinations. Is that because I’m afraid you’ll skip
them, get sick and blame me? No. Is it because I don’t have the tiniest clue
what I’m talking about? No. I just felt like I needed to get these thoughts off
my chest and share with y’all.

*Please feel free to comment with your {civil} opinions and questions. If things get nasty, I may have to take this post down. Love to you all.

Friday, June 28, 2013

I feel like I should blog more instead of all my thoughts just getting out through facebook status updates. Oh well, here I am.

Just a few things going through my mind and heart lately, all here in this post because I know better than to think I'll write an individual post all about each one.

* I am super duper happy about the small group of moms that has formed within our church. We have a facebook page to communicate about get-togethers, personal thoughts, etc. Play dates and meeting in one of the moms' home for fellowship, bible discussion and prayer has been a real blessing. As primary caretakers of little ones it's all too easy to get secluded and drown in motherhood, so it's incredibly important to build friendships with eachother. I'm hoping to connect with an older mom in a mentor-like relationship in the near future!

* Finishing kindergarten with Julia was hanging over my head so I decided to cut the stuff that wasn't working well for us and just plow through the rest so we could be officially done before the end of spring. Success! Of course, counterintuitive as it may seem, I already picked out and ordered some of her first grade curriculum for the fall. I'm looking forward to it and hope that she will continue to soar as she has been doing thus far. Although, I'm reminded once again of the truth that it's more important to sow seeds of God's word into her than academic education. Lord, help me prioritize this in my time with her! And Josiah, of course... Which leads me to the fact that sometimes I feel like he takes the back burner... like I'm just running along with her to help her grow and he just follows and copies and doesn't get as much personal attention as she does. That's so not how I want it to be! Lord help me focus on him more and meet his needs and teach him with the intensity that I give to his sister.

* I am really proud of the Summer Passport I made and gave to Julia as a kinder-grad present. The idea was inspired by something I saw on Pinterest, and it turned out to be even better than I set out for. It's super cute and Riley spiral-bound it and everything. It has pages of Places to Go, Places to Eat, Play Dates, and Fun at Home. With all kinds of fun stuff to check off. We've already done A LOT of it and it's only been 2 weeks. I will insist on at least a month break from school but we may be starting back early! Or not. We'll see. Life is learning, learning through life is joyful.

* I thought once I got down to one book, I would blaze right through it, but no, the real me is still here. I get all excited about a new book, dive into it, then plateau and ever-so-rarely pick it up to read the last 3/4 of it. And it's not because I pick boring or hard-to-read books, it's just me. I don't know if it's because I don't think I can get through a whole chapter or really focus on the topic, or what... but I wish I could just read all the books I see that look interesting, fast, learn and apply immediately, and onto the next one in a heartbeat. But no. Hmph.

* Josiah is crazy about playing with daddy, airplanes, helicopters, balls and sticks. Julia is crazy about reading. Reading, reading and reading. And I have zero complaints about any of that. What I really wish though is for them to love Jesus with all their heart. I want them to be what I want to be, what I have yet to achieve and what I sometimes doubt I ever will. Hmmm.

* The Lord has really been tugging on my heart lately, which is so good, but honestly, I haven't been responding like I should, wish I had the desire to, part of me wants to, and I know he holds out the strength for me to choose him over all other distractions, so I'm not quite sure what keeps me from running to His presence every moment that he invites me!

* Ok I guess I do know. Satan wants to sabotage my relationship with Christ. Duh. How can I sit by and let him have his way?! That's it, I'm publishing, closing the laptop and going to have some time with the Lover of my soul.

Monday, June 3, 2013

We've been in California over a year now and this is the first blog post I've written. Hmm....It's crazy that my little sweetheart, Julia Brynne, is turning six. SIX. SIX!!! I became a mom the day she was born and it has been quite a ride the last 6 years. We've had ups and downs, and being a mom has been harder than I ever imagined, but just as fulfilling as I always hoped it would be. But enough about me! This girl. This girl, I don't even understand how she can be so smart. She is constantly making our eyebrows raise and our chins drop. The way she discovers things and invents and creates and figures things out is absolutely astounding. The last time I checked, her reading and spelling level was that of a 4th grader or something. Woah. And her heart... oh how she LOVES to serve. Like, almost to a fault. I'm trying not to squash that in her... but sometimes she just wants EVERYONE (not just in our family, like if we're at a huge event) to have something to eat or drink, and wants to keep holding the door open well after the rest of us have already walked through, just in case someone else comes along.

And I can't forget to mention how affectionate and loving she is! I've lost count of how many precious "I love you Mommy" decorated notes she has written and given to me or hidden for me to find. She randomly comes over, gives me a hug and tells me in the sweetest, most sincere voice, "I love you Mommy"... and I know she means it, despite all my parenting failures. Julia is also INCREDIBLY curious! I am 100% sure she got that from me. People say she looks just like me, to which I always respond (either in my head or out loud), "Yep, a younger, cuter version of me". Personally I take it as a compliment because she is absolutely beautiful! I tell her that often, but I also hope she learns the value of inner beauty... gentleness, kindness, patience, humility, wisdom, bravery...She's growing up so fast! They were right. There have been, and are still, days and weeks that seem so long but looking back the years have flown by. I almost feel guilty that I can't remember everything about her lifetime thus far! Maybe it was the sleep deprivation that blocked out some of those early memories ;) So right now, her favorite things to do are-- dance, sing, play games on the iPad, play with friends, swim, cook, go shopping, climb trees and READ. Her favorite TV shows are Curious George and Berenstain Bears, and her favorite songs are Ave Maria, I Would Walk 500 Miles, Jukebox Blues, Angel Eyes, Time Is A Flooded River, One Thing Remains, Happy Day.The best part about the past year has been how her heart for God has blossomed. She's asked SO many questions about Jesus, heaven, being a Christian, etc. There were a lot of homeschool lessons at the beginning of this year that included salvation topics and I could see the wheels turning in her spirit, but didn't want to push her into saying a shallow prayer so I just waited patiently for her to make the first step. Well, on March 23rd, the Sunday a week before Easter, her teacher at church told me that during class she had raised her hand to accept Jesus in her heart. I had a lot of questions and wished that I had been there but regardless, it was the best news ever! She's still pretty shy about praying, at least in front of us, but I know that Jesus has her heart in his hands and will continue to draw her to himself and I look forward to seeing their relationship grow. The thing I want most for her is to know Jesus intimately and to walk with Him her whole life.This little lady is a great buddy, too. I love taking her on dates and so does Riley. She's so much fun and has a great sense of humor. Her laughter is so pure and silly. She loves ice cream and just about any opportunity she has to pick where she wants to go you'll hear her say "Tutti Frutti!" (just like Josiah would-- it's our local frozen yogurt shop). It's been pretty nice getting free dessert the last couple times we've gone out to eat because of her upcoming birthday.

Julia still hasn't had her hair cut, but she does have a loose tooth! Well, two but the first one is really wiggly. Seeing that milestone come to pass will definitely be a dose of reality in how much she's growing up! We are finishing up her first official year of homeschool this month and will be moving up to first grade in the fall. Woohoo! She has been a great kindergarten student and makes my job pretty easy. Watching her handwriting improve, as well as her math skills, memorizing bible verses and learning science and history, has been so awesome. She got to go with Josiah, Lolly and Poppy to Disneyland for the first time ever in April and had a blast! I'm so thrilled that they get to live in a place of so much natural beauty. They see mountains (or at least really big hills) every day and we get to the beach every now and then too. Another highlight of her 6th year was being a flower girl in my dear friend Amanda's wedding last summer. Instead of petals, she got to scatter glitter down the aisle... how fun is that?!

The next couple weeks bring some promotion for her, too. Our church moves the kids up to their next grade class in mid-June, so she'll be moving out of the 4-5 year old class into the 1st-2nd grade class. AAHHHH!!! Also, she and Josiah take gymnastics and turning 6 will bring her out of the kinder class into the girls only 6-8 year old class. She is super excited about both of these changes! Her friendship with Josiah has been fun to watch this year as well. Of course sometimes they scream and fight and hurt each other and refuse to share and what not, but seeing them help each other and entertain each other and work together to accomplish a goal and invite the other one to go to another room or outside to play because they have an idea and want a playmate, is so cute and totally warms my heart! I'm glad they are buddies and I hope they will always have a good relationship.I'm so excited to give her her birthday presents! Especially her first full-length Bible! I look forward to watching her soak up God's Word =) She has requested donuts and orange juice for breakfast, hot dogs for lunch, swimming in the afternoon and burgers for dinner. As you wish, princess!Here's a very quick trip down memory lane:

7 weeks old, first smile

2 years old

4 years old

about a month ago =)

So without further ado, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIA!!! You are such a
blessing to our family and you bring a smile to our faces every single
day. We love you so much and hope this year of being six is the best
year you've ever had!

Friday, May 31, 2013

---This post was a draft from February of 2012... yes, I haven't written in like a year and a half. I'd like to change that soon, blah blah blah, no promises. Figured I'd just go ahead and publish this even though it's oooold. I also attended this again in Irvine and it was just as great... but I gave my notes away so... you get last year's manna. But don't worry, it's not stinky. It's all good stuff!---

I went to the Mom Heart Conference this past weekend and it was so encouraging! This was my second year to attend and I'm so glad I did. This should definitely be a permanent event on my yearly calendar. Except next year I think I'll stay the night at the hotel. =)

Last year I blogged all my notes, and now I'm here to do the same! I hope something here will inspire you, refresh you, challenge you, and give you the joy and grace to carry on strong and passionate in your walk as a mom!

(Forgive me for any inconsistency in thought, as some of these are random, while some go along with certain themes that were spoken about in the sessions. Some are tips, some are reminders, some are words of encouragement. I'm just going straight through my notes from start to finish, not in order of importance).

The theme this year was "The Heartshaping Mother"... how to open, fill and hold your child's heart.

* Find an older woman who makes you want to love God more, and let her mentor you.

* Your children WILL mimic you-- Be, say, do what you want to see in them.

* When you feel like you lack support, make sure your hope isn't misplaced away from God-- HE is your help.

* Motherhood isn't just a sacrifice, it's a GIFT-- it's "the good works He has prepared in advance for you to do." Look at an "inconvenience" and see it as an opportunity. Embrace it!

* Entrust older children with authority to help with younger siblings.

*When they ask "Why?" say "Ill give you two guesses -- They guess right and you praise them.

* If you don't enjoy the moment while it's there, it's gone.

* They are not out to get me. They get hungry, tired, forgetful... but they DO want to please me.

* God is not finished yet! With me OR with them.

* Psalm 121:1 "Where does my help come from? The Lord, the maker of heaven and earth."

* It's never gonna get easy, but it's worth it and your capacity is greater than you think.

* Your children are your ministry. Serve as unto the Lord.

* Motherhood is the most powerful thing you can do.

* You are a supermodel! A rockstar! Kind of a big deal =)

* You have to be in God's Word, know it and share it with your kids- they WILL remember the verses you speak!

* Satan lies to us when we are along-- have friends around you to encourage you and tell you the truth!

* Every morning we have to gather "manna" to nourish our souls and it will be exactly what we need for that day.

* Just as dads who are teaching their kids to ride a bike want them to get back on when they fall, and don't expect them to be perfect cyclists from the get-go, God feels the same way about us as mommies.

* Teach your kids how to write their testimony, and urge them to tell their friends.

* Teach them to read their Bible for themselves.

* Disciple them-- so they can do it on their own.

* Encourage them to serve and be exposed to pain in others' lives.

* TARGET: to walk intimately with God. Decide 1) When to have time with Him. 2) Where 3) Why 4) What you will read/study and 5) How (read, write, SOAP, mark, memorize, meditate)

* The iPod, iPad, iPhone may pacify, but only the I AM can satisfy

* Are you pacified or satisfied? Pacify = soothe agitation. Satisfy = meet all requirements, fulfill all needs. What would happen if all we gave our babies was a paci and never fed them? Same with our spirit and soul.

* If you're not great, it's not because God didn't give you the opportunity; it's because the world gave you the opportunity to compromise and you took it.

* Do you want to build a condo or an estate? It takes years to build a legacy.

* Our goal is not morality, for them to mimic spirituality, to fill a bucket, but to LIGHT A FIRE!

* No one can live your life with integrity but YOU.

* Where are your kids going to learn unconditional love if not from you?

* I am a steward of my kids brains! "Love the Lord with all your mind."

* What do we want our kids to say about who we were as a Christian mom? We have to live that way NOW.

* God delights in using normal people to change the world, if they will just engage their hearts to be faithful!

* The wise woman builds her house (Prov 14:1)-- she has a plan! If you don't have one, someone else will give you one.

* She raises them in the Lord (Eph 6:4)-- You can't win the heart of your child if you're a Pharisee! They don't need to be indoctrinated. Don't live by rules, live by love!

* Lead them to show others God's love, to reap God's harvest. You can't live a radical life from inside a box.

* If we just don't know what do, we will follow the wrong people.

* Are you an adversary (in your face parenting) or an advocate (in your heart parenting)? Adversary is enemy based; advocate says, "I'm for you, I'm with you, and I believe in you."

* What is a heartshaping mother? She shapes with relationship that opens her child's heart with grace. She shapes with influence that fills her child's heart with truth. She shapes with culture that holds her child's heart with love.

* Our biblical model Jesus-- Our job isn't just teaching them all the facts they need to know, but to LOVE.

* A heartshaping mother's heart is shaped by God's Word-- every heart has two beats: intake and outflow. Deut 6:6-7 You cannot teach diligently to your child's heart what is not already in your own heart.

* The goal of a heartshaping mother is 1 Tim 1:5 "The goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith."

* Winning the battle is never easy, but it IS possible!

What makes this mommy-me-time-away different from other conferences or retreats is that instead of feeling like you don't want it to end, you spend the last session tapping your foot eager to get home and love on your kids with your fresh revelation, while simultaneously soaking up every last bit! I highly recommend you check out Whole Heart Ministry and plan to attend next year... Sally Clarkson is full of so much wisdom and grace, and I was very blessed to listen to her speak about the gift of motherhood. =)

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Since embarking on this adventure, many of you have asked me about the GAPS diet so I thought I'd just write a not so little blog post about it.

Basically, GAPS is about rest and healing for the gut, and slowly introducing fermented foods to refill it with good bacteria. Bone broth is very important in this process. The gist is, when you heal the gut lining, issues such as irritable bowel, reflux, ADD, autism, food allergies, and a host of other problems, can be eliminated. For some people it can happen quickly, for others it can take years. Most people are on this diet for 6 months-2 years before reintroducing foods not allowed on the GAPS menu. A sick digestive system decreases immunity and causes psychological disorders, hence the acronym for “Gut and Psychology Syndrome” People are starting to find out that there is a big connection—a lot of times when a kid has autism, he/she also has some kind of digestive/intestinal problem. It makes sense because Riley has struggled with ADD, reflux and other tummy troubles for several years, in addition to being overweight.

As far as what’s allowed and not allowed…

There is a long list of “avoid” and “recommended” but for the most part, no grains, sugar, starch or lactose. These are not easily digested and can cause all kinds of problems. Yogurt and some cheeses and a couple different legumes are allowed. Mostly we eat meats, fruits and vegetables, nuts, eggs, animal fats and lacto-fermented foods. Soups, stews and chilis are a frequent occurrence (which is perfect for this time of year!) Anything bread-like is made with coconut flour or almond flour, and local raw honey (which is great for seasonal allergies, another nuisance of ours) is used instead of sugar.

I first learned about GAPS when my friend Heather and her family went on it, mostly for her husband’s sake, but she and her daughter (and now her son) joined with him and now they are in better health than ever. She has done a ton of research and through personal experience become quite the expert on nutrition. Her blog has a wealth of information about real food, among other topics such as parenting. When I read her posts, it all made so much sense to me and I felt like I was discovering the cure for many of Riley’s ails. I knew it was what he needed, bought the book and skimmed through; it just took us a long time to finally take the plunge. Here are links to a couple of her posts about GAPS (instead of just copy-and-pasting everything she says):

A lot of people ask why I am dieting since I don’t need to lose weight. I’m not going to lose weight because I don’t have it to lose. Riley will because he has it to lose, even while eating the same things as I am. Plenty of high calorie foods and staying away from grains and sugar has left me feeling great and with smoother digestion. It has taken a big commitment on my part to cook almost all our meals from scratch, but it’s worth it. We are already seeing benefits after only 2 weeks. Riley has lost 10lbs without exercise or pills or counting calories, Josiah is eating vegetables which he would never touch before, Julia’s behavior has improved (not that it was terrible before, she is just incredibly more pleasant and agreeable), and doing this together has strengthened our bond as a family. I’ve felt the urge to start this diet for several months now but was too scared. What I think pushed me over the edge (besides the fact that Riley got desperate for change) was the revelation that we are one flesh, my body is his and his mine, which led to the conviction that it didn’t matter that I could eat whatever I wanted w/o gaining weight or having apparent health issues… he needed my support. And if him getting better meant I had to give up some of my favorite foods, well, it’s as if I had to do it for myself, and that was a commitment that I needed to make as an act of love.

So why would want to remove grains? After all, they’re cheap and yummy and filling! The simplest answer is there is nothing you can get from grains that you can’t find in a more easily digestible form somewhere else. There is so much sugar and grain and additives in practically everything that comes in a bag or box or restaurant these days, it’s ridiculous. Which on one hand, makes it harder to only eat what we are allowed, but on the other side it’s so simple. Removing everything GAPS-illegal from my kitchen has simplified things a lot. It has taken some new creativity and different ways of doing things, but we are getting used to it. Life-changing in difficult yet rewarding ways!

Right now we are doing the full GAPS menu, and the tentative plan is to do “Intro” starting in January (more intensive stage of GAPS, starting with just broth and meat and veggies, slowly introducing eggs, cultured dairy, nuts, fruits, etc. when they are well tolerated). We expect to be on the diet for at least 6 months, possibly 2 years or longer.

I’ve found most of my new recipes from Heather’s website www.mommypotamus.com and www.healthhomehappy.com, although searching “grain-free recipes” on Google will produce even more. Many of the meals we ate before the diet are still allowed; some have just required a little tweaking of the ingredients.

Super easy and yummy! I was a little nervous about how it would turn out with the walnuts instead of bread crumbs but I decided to go for it and I'm so glad. When I put it in the pan it was NOT like a big moldable lump like my usual meatloaf, so I thought we'd end up with a big mushy mess but alas, once it cooked, it turned out to be the best consistency ever! I could actually slice it without it falling apart like every other time I've made it. It tasted great and I will definitely be making this again. =)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

It's been 18 days since my mom passed away, and as you can imagine, I've had countless thoughts and feelings about everything... and let me tell you, God has really been changing me through this, in ways I didn't expect. But before I get into everything personal, I wanted to share the basic story of what happened for those of you who haven't heard the details.

Riley and I and the kids took a road trip to Midland to visit his sister and her family the weekend of 9/23-25. On the way there I called my mom to see if she could meet us in Abilene (about halfway between DFW and Midland) on the way back for dinner on Sunday (she lived in Novice, 40 minutes south). She agreed and we looked forward to the visit, especially since we usually only see eachother 2-3 times a year.

We had dinner at Cracker Barrel. Enjoyed the food, the visit, the beautiful weather outside, sitting in the rocking chairs on the huge patio out front, watching the kids race back and forth and racing with them, dancing and laughing and talking. It was great! We didn't know it was the last time she'd see us and talk to us. Had we, it wouldn't have been so sweet. I am absolutely certain now that that time together was a gift from the Lord.

Mom was feeling bad on Tuesday and Wednesday, stayed home from work and everyone including the doctor just thought she had the flu. Jimmy (my stepdad) let her have the bed to herself so she could be more comfortable with all the pillows she likes to sleep with. He checked on her every hour or so in the night to make sure she was okay. Early Thursday morning he went in and she wasn't talking straight. Then she had a seizure and started gasping for air. He yelled for John (my 23yo brother) to come in and call 911. He did so, and also performed rescue breathing on my mom, successfully resuscitating her. Go John!

The ambulance came and rushed her to the hospital. On the way there is when I received the call from John about what all had happened. This was at 6:something a.m. He said he'd keep me updated. I had been asleep and so was Riley; I told him what happened and we prayed. I wondered if we would need to go out there, if she was going to die, etc. I remember having this feeling like we needed to go and that she wasn't going to make it, but I just tried to go back to sleep, which didn't happen. I sent out a message to our church's prayer chain. Around 8 we were all up and eating breakfast, and I got another call from John. He said they'd made it to the hospital (in Coleman, 20 min south of Novice), that she was doing better and that she'd be fine in a couple days. Whew! I was so relieved.

Riley headed into work and the kids and I lazily went about our morning. I took a shower around 9 and I remember thinking how glad I was that she was OK. As soon as I got out the phone rang again, John. He said that she had another seizure, they kept having to resuscitate her, that they were going to do a spinal tap and CT scan, and that we should probably head that way. John had already talked to Riley so I called him to see how we were going to do this. Barbara (my stepmom) agreed to keep the kids for us so I packed them and ourselves up enough for a couple days and I just walked around putting stuff in bags feeling like I had no idea what to expect, pack, do, think.

Riley came back home and helped me finish up, then we headed out the door. Right then Jimmy called and told me they had found out what was wrong: a blood vessel had burst in her brain and that she might not make it. This was when the first tears came. He said they were careflighting her to the bigger hospital in Abilene. I was happy about that because it is a better hospital and also a shorter distance for us to drive. We dropped the kids off at Barbara and my Dad's house. This was at 10:something a.m. I don't think we stopped the whole way there. I made a few calls, texts, FB posts while Riley drove, to let people know and ask for prayer. Crying off and on.

At some point John called and said they had arrived in Abilene (Hendrick hospital) and were going to do surgery for a subarachnoid brain bleed. When we were almost there he called again and told me that the doctor had just given them the bad news talk, saying that she was basically brain dead because there was no brain activity (after the seizure in Coleman she went into a coma).

We got there around 1 or 2 and met John and Jimmy in the parking lot. Jimmy said that brain activity had increased and that there was a glimmer of hope for survival. Exhale.

We went inside and they showed us the special little waiting room they'd been given and I instantly knew it must be really bad. I never knew these rooms existed, but it didn't take long to figure out why they were so pretty and private... they're for families whose loved one is dying. Sally (my 21yo sister) was in there and we just hugged and cried. Later on my stepsister Jodi (Jimmy's oldest daughter) showed up with her husband.

I asked if we could go in to see Mom. We went down the hall to her room (in ICU) and I'm sure I cried at the sight of her laying there in that bed. Tubes and machines everywhere. Her chest rapidly going up and down like nothing I'd ever seen, but came to find out that was her own breathing and that the ventilator was just down her throat in case she needed it at some point. It was obvious she was fighting. We met her wonderful nurse, Stephanie. This young lady was so informative and kind. Probably the best nurse I've ever dealt with.

She told us about the numbers on one machine, primarily oxygen level, cranial pressure and blood pressure. She told us about all the medicines that were going in. It was all a vicious cycle, one fixing one problem but then the other problem getting worse, etc. There was a blanket covering the top of her head, where a tube had been inserted to drain blood in hopes of relieving the pressure so that they could do surgery on the aneurysm. As it was, if they were to open up the head, her brain would swell outside her skull. Stephanie showed us that a couple of Mom's reflexes were still working: being poked in certain places caused her to move her arms in a defensive motion. But no pupil constriction or other response showing good brain activity.

And there began the long road the rest of the day. We took turns going in there with her, waiting down the hall, eating, talking, making calls, etc. Mom always had at least one of us with her. We still didn't know what to expect as far as timing, but Stephanie was honest enough to tell us that there was only a little chance of survival, and even then, she wouldn't be the same: eating, talking, walking, personality, all that would suffer in terms of normal function. She told us that Mom could hear us so we continued talking to her, telling her how wonderful she was as a mom and wife, and how much we loved her. I read her a list of reasons I was thankful for her, mostly silly things I remembered from my childhood, which I had written on the car ride. We held her hands and kissed her cheeks. Time seemed to disappear.

The swelling kept increasing and the oxygen levels weren't high enough, and the little brain activity that had presented was no longer there. By the end of the night the new nurse on shift told me that Mom was no longer breathing on her own, so the ventilator was keeping her alive. She said the doctor would be coming in the morning to reassess and talk to us. Mom was the nurse's only patient, so that was comforting to know she was in good hands.

Riley and I slept across the street at a dorm-like hotel house that the hospital hooked us up with for hospital visitors. I got about 2 hours, from 1-3 am, then Jimmy called to tell me the cranial pressure was up to 60. For reference, 7-15 is ideal.

I couldn't get back to sleep and finally around 5 I woke up Riley and started talking about all I was thinking and feeling. We went back over to the hospital around 645 and met with the neurologist. Mom looked totally different. Thursday she just looked asleep but at this point it seemed as if she was already gone. It was hard to see. I kept thinking about how we had just seen her on Sunday and she was happy and healthy, and how I just couldn't believe she was laying there before me, dying.

The Dr. told us that what we were dealing with was brain death. They would do a brain flow test to confirm what we already know, and then we could all say goodbye and they would remove the ventilator. They wouldn't be able to do it till 10 though. So we all just cried and held eachother and waited and kept caressing and talking to Mom.

As the time drew near for the test, Stephanie came in and I was the only one in the room with Mom. Tears were streaming down her face, as were mine. She said something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, I always try to hold it together, but..." I think I told her thank you for everything she'd done or something. She went on to say that it wasn't my mom's condition that made her cry, but rather witnessing how our family interacted with Mom and with each other. Wow.

She asked if my mom's organs would be donated and I told her no, then she informed me that in that case we didn't legally have to do the test, only if we wanted to be 100% sure. When Jimmy came back in, she told him the same and the decision was made to forgo the test, since they would have to take her to some other part of the hospital away from us for an hour, then wait another couple hours for results. At that point we were allowed to all gather in there together around her, take our turns saying goodbye and then Jimmy wanted to be alone with her before and during the withdrawal. Riley said a prayer while we surrounded her; I don't remember all the words but it was powerful and peaceful and loving. The whole time we were there, he was a rock, a spiritual leader for everyone, and my admiration for him soared.

Throughout the day and then this one last time I put my ear and hand to her chest to feel the warmth of her skin and the beat of her heart. I'll never forget it. I just cried and told her how she was such a great mom and how much I loved her and would miss her. I told her to save me a spot in her mansion in heaven. We all knew that's where she was going, and we knew she wouldn't want to just be kept alive while in a comatose state. I felt ready to let her go, free of the struggle. We stepped out of the room one by one and just held each other, sobbing.

We proceeded down the hall to wait for Jimmy to come out. I think it was around 11a or 12n when he walked into the room. He said Mom went peacefully. Her last words (backtracking to before she went into a coma the day before) were "I love you." I'm thankful that John was able to bring her back to life even if for just this "one phone call".

Sunday, June 12, 2011

A few months back I made my first batch of homemade chicken stock. I felt so proud and upon the first taste (made into a soup, of course) I could just feel myself getting healthier. And then one time when some bones went to waste, I was devastated. I love to use this stuff in all the soups I make, brown rice, lentils, etc. If you don't already know, homemade chicken broth is one of the best things you can put in your tummy. Here are a few benefits:

1. Promotes healing: successful in treating gastro-intestinal disorders, including hyper-acidity, colitis, Crohn’s disease, and infant diarrhea.
2. Digestive aid: Aids in the digestibility of grains, beans, legumes, vegetables and meats
3. Macro minerals: Contains highly absorbable forms of the calcium, magnesium, potassium, phosphorus, sulfur and fluoride as well as trace minerals
4. Gelatin and Collagen: rich in both; promoting bone and joint healing in addition to supporting digestion
5. Protein: adds easily digestible protein to your diet
6. Amino acids: Glycine, proline, hydroxyproline, and lysine are formed, which is important to detoxification and amino acid production in the body
7. Joint support: Glucosamine, chondroitin sulfate, and hyaluronic acid are produced and present for additional muscle and joint support
8. Immune system: Promotes the assimilation of vitamins and minerals and thus supports the immune system
9. Delicious and nutritious: use as soup, cooking liquid, sauce or as a tea.
10. Synergy: Finally by initially healing the GI tract, broth creates an environment for all of the nutrients being taken in, whether by food or supplementation, to increase their bio-availability to your body.

-From Lance Roll, CEC, HLC1, The Flavor Chef

"So why can't I just go pay $2.50 at the grocery store for it?" you ask. Well, unfortunately it's just not the same. Most store-bought stock-in-a-box is full of MSG, "natural flavors" and other undesirable ingredients, and void of the nutritious gelatin you get from making it yourself.

"Wait, there's jello in your chicken soup?" Not exactly. Gelatin (as you'll see in the last photo down below) is probably the best part when it comes to homemade stock, and comes from the bones.

"Gelatin was found to be useful in the treatment of a long list of diseases including peptic ulcers, tuberculosis, diabetes, muscle diseases, infectious diseases, jaundice and cancer. Babies had fewer digestive problems when gelatin was added to their milk. The American researcher Francis Pottenger pointed out that as gelatin is a hydrophilic colloid, which means that it attracts and holds liquids, it facilitates digestion by attracting digestive juices to food in the gut.

The gelatin in homemade bone broth helps the lining of the intestine. Many of us today have leaky gut, diverticulitis, Crohn’s and other intestinal problems. By helping to strengthen the gut walls, this also supports immunity. It also strengthens digestion which helps you absorb more nutrients.Gelatin also helps people digest milk and dairy products.”

-From Sally Fallon, "Broth is Beautiful"

"Ok, so how is this done?" Well, take a little walk with me to my kitchen...

I usually just use a whole chicken which I cook in the crock pot. We eat whatever we want off of it, put the bones on a plate, and when we're done with dinner I pull the rest of the meat off the other bones and use it the same week for another meal or two.

There's usually already a lot of natural juices that came out of the chicken during cooking, which I use in making the stock as well. So, I've got my bones all separated from the meat.

They're in separate bowls because after pulling all the meat and bones out, I poured what was left in the crock pot in another bowl. Ok, so next you want to place a steamer basket into the crock pot you used to cook the chicken in the first place. No need to clean the pot first, it's all the same stuff you just cooked and you don't want any of it to go to waste!

Then you just put all your bones back in there. You can do this without a basket but it's just easier with it, because then you don't have to separate everything from the liquid with a spoon when it's done. After the first time doing this the hard way, I went out and bought one. It's totally worth the $7 or whatever.

Next you want to add some carrots, onion and celery (if you have them, otherwise don't worry about it... it'll still be chicken broth). And a bay leaf.

Now top it all off with the chicken juices and enough water to fill up the pot. If you're using a huge stock pot instead, just put as much as will cover the bones and veggies. Then add a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar.

You'll probably notice that I put the vinegar in before the water (just this last time on accident) but it's probably best to do it after the water so that it mixes in better. Oh well. Ok, so put the lid on and let it sit for an hour.

Set your timer for 12-24 hours (I usually do 18 and it's done the next afternoon) and turn your crock pot to low.

When it's all done, just pull the steamer basket out and do whatever you want with the bones and veggies. Feed them to your dog, add them to your compost (actually I'm not sure if you should do that), throw them away... I usually go with that last one.

If you want to really get a kick out of this, take one of the bones between your fingers and crush it. See? All the good stuff that was in there before is now in your stock. So much yummier than a calcium pill.

Alright so now you have this pot full of chicken stock. You can use it right away to make soup, or you can store it in jars.

See how greasy it looks? That's the kind of fat that's good for you. And probably what turns into gelatin later. I'm not an expert, can you tell? I just know grandma knew what she was talking about when she told you to down some chicken soup when you were sick.

I end up with 8 cups on average, ranging anywhere between 6 and 10. You'll probably want to wait a little while to let it cool off so you don't burn yourself pouring it all in and handling the hot jars.

Don't put them in the freezer right away, even if you know you won't be using it this week. Let it cool in the fridge first so the jars don't burst. I used a quart the next day for dinner then put the rest in the freezer. It thaws pretty easy in a sink full of hot water.

Alright so the next day, you can look at your jars and see how the gelatin has formed and risen to the top: YAY!

So when you go to use this stuff, don't throw out the gelatin! It's like pure medicine right there in your dinner.