Alexis Sanchez had to leave the Copa America final before the penalty shootout on account of Gabriel Mercado caught him with a nasty tackle that left him unable to play past the 104th minute. Chile won anyway, thanks to Messi’s chokejob, but Alexis’ ankle has ballooned up and it looks like the podiatric equivalent of…

At this point, it’s pretty hard to dismiss out of hand the notion that Gonzalo Higuaín—unquestionably one of the best forwards in the sport, fresh off a historically great season—might be a sleeper agent embedded in the Argentine national team for the express purpose of bringing the team, the country, and, most of…

Lionel Messi told TV reporters after Argentina’s Copa América final loss to Chile that it would be his final appearance for his nation, retiring from international play due to what sounds like his frustration at the inability to ever lead his squad to a trophy.

The world’s greatest soccer player once again failed to lead his team to a major international trophy as Argentina fell to Chile in penalties 4-2, thanks in part to Messi failing to deliver his PK attempt on target.

Yeah, so Colombia took an early lead on the U.S. in tonight’s Copa América third-place match, but that means we once again get to check in on the cybernetic-lunged “El Cantante del Gol,” Javier Fernández. Tonight’s heavy metal “¡Gol!” spanned 37 seconds of uninterrupted, uh, “¡Gol!”-ing. I can’t even hold my breath…

Argentina, you may remember, just Hulk-smashed the USMNT in the Copa América Centenario earlier this week to earn a spot in the Copa final—the third consecutive tournament title match the Albiceleste have competed in. Understandably, someone asked former Argentina great and current waterlogged gremlin Diego Maradona…

Chile vs. Colombia was exciting during the first half, nonexistent for the next two hours, then soggy and boring for the second half. Thankfully, stoppage time featured an amazing moment in Idiot On The Field history, as this enterprising dumbass managed to escape a sizable horde of the security team, run the length…

It’s hard to think of an image that better encapsulates the confidence permeating Lionel Messi and—through osmosis, if nothing else—his fellow Argentine teammates than those few moments right before he took that free kick against the U.S. last night.

The USMNT took their swing at Argentina and got taken apart like an insect in the hands of a cruel child. I don’t have any takes other than that the U.S. needed to let Christian Pulisic cook earlier and that three-quarters of FS1's broadcast crew picking them to win was absurd.

Fox cameras didn’t show this enterprising Idiot On The Field, who clearly regards Messi as some sort of soccer god. Given his free kick shortly before, this is at least up for discussion, and our man here bowed down, took a selfie, and had plenty of time with Messi.

The USMNT is currently floundering against the mighty Argentines, who scored an easy dinker after the U.S. defense capitulated en masse, then followed it up with this gorgeous Messi screamer past a flapping Brad Guzan.

Chile obliterated Mexico in last night’s Copa América quarterfinal, running up a seven-spot and keeping El Tri scoreless. As is our custom, here are all those goals as called by wrestling legend Jim “J.R.” Ross.

Here, from U.S. Soccer, is the story of how Michael Bradley’s custom “One Nation” rainbow captain’s armband was fabricated and delivered just before kickoff of the Copa América quarterfinal against Ecuador.

When we learned that the USMNT would be playing Ecuador—a team whose relatively middling reputation on the international scene belies their legitimate talent—for the right to compete in the Copa América semis, we were hopeful about the U.S.’s chances to progress but also a little worried about the specter of a blown…

The U.S. have waged war on Ecuador’s back line early in tonight’s Copa América quarterfinal matchup, and Clint Dempsey finally found the needed finish as his header made it past Alexander Dominguez for a 1-0 lead in the 22nd minute.

Panama have a chance to knock Chile out of the Copa America and join their CONCACAF friends (USA and Mexico) in the quarterfinals if they beat Chile this evening. Thanks to a terrible pass by a center back and some fumbling goalkeeping work, they got an early lead against the Chileans.

In training last week I nicked a player from behind in an 8v8 game, he fell to the ground, and we scored off the turnover. Our coach, acting as referee from the sideline, asked if I fouled him. I always have the natural instinct to say no chance; there’s no asterisk next to a W in the results column. This time,…