10 Easy Steps to Becoming an Exceptional Mother

I still, after 10.5 years of mothering, can’t figure out which kind of mother I want to brand myself. I’m referring to arguments for, or against, attachment parenting, natural parenting, or Tiger Mothering. But, since everyone appears determined to follow someone’s parenting philosophy, I’m going to brand one myself, in honor of Mother’s Day 2012.

I’m going to call my brand The Girl Revolution Exceptional Mothering™, or simply Exceptional Mothering™, for short, TGREM™. To label yourself an Exceptional Mother™, or TGREM™, here are the 10 strict rules to which you must adhere, debate, convert and evangelize:

Love Your Kids.

Teach What You Know.

Make Intuitive Parenting Decisions.

Banish Guilt.

Be an Authentic Woman/Person.

Have Fun.

Leave the Other Mothers Alone, (especially the ones who make different choices).

Grow Good Humans.

Apologize When Necessary.

Do Better Every Day.

If you follow these 10 simple rules of TGREM™ you are guaranteed happy children, a peaceful mothering experience, and a loving bond with secure humans who will succeed in adulthood. When you follow the Exceptional Mothering™ parenting philosophy, you will make people who will grow up to have fulfilling careers and promising love lives. Or promising careers and fulfilling love lives, whatever. And when they are teenagers they’ll always speak respectfully. And they will listen to your advice about sex and using a condom or waiting until marriage. And they’ll never do drugs or smoke cigarettes. Or be mean girls or bullies. Or feel unloved. And they will never, ever turn on you and scream “I HATE YOU!” when you tell them they can’t go somewhere or when you make them clean the bathroom. And they won’t have eating disorders: neither starving, barfing, or binge eating. Or marry people who are mean to them. Or date boys who don’t call them back. And they’ll never get divorced.

OK. You got me. I can’t guarantee any of that. But, then neither can any other parenting method. At least The Girl Revolution Exceptional Mothering™ philosophy’s strict rules cut a mother a break.

By leaving a comment, Liking or Sharing this post on Facebook, or retweeting it, you too are committing to being an Exceptional Mother™ and you agree to follow the 10 simple rules of TGREM™. Happy Mother’s Day all you Exceptional Mothers™! Don’t forget to convert your friends!