A button-cute 10 year old girl may have just set a new prestigious record. It’s not for the largest number of consecutive jump rope skips, or for chewing a piece of gum for the longest time, or even for collecting the most Facebook friends. It’s for identifying a zero-day exploit in a number of iOS and Android games! Isn’t that cute?

It’s Christmas Eve, and if you don’t have today off, you’re probably just counting down the hours, so why not count down a third of one with this: a recent Defcon talk hosted by a hacker named Zoz, whose Quicksilver G4 was stolen over two years ago by a burglar named Melvin Guzman.

How did Zoz know Guzman was the perp? Easy: he had OpenDNS installed so when Guzman brought the Mac on line — two years later — he was able to SSH in. He also had VNC installed, which allowed him to see what the thief was doing on his machine.

And what was he doing? Mostly browsing countless porn sites with names like “elephantasses.com” as well as taking pictures of himself naked for online dating sites. Ultimately, Zoz was able to send the cops to the precise address of the guy who had stolen his G4 an entire country away, and recover it… but not before he consigned Guzman once and forever to the pantheon of stupid, stupid thieves.