Saturday, December 31, 2011

I'm pretty happy with 2011 but I'm not going to bore anyone by reflecting on my achievements or personal growth. (Although, I did have a letter published on ESB and now she has started a dating page!) I won't bore you with any resolutions either. Instead, I will share some advice that I will try to follow in 2012:

"Smell the roses. I know life feels like we are constantly chasing the carrot. But take time to notice that the carrot that you are currently eating is the one you once were chasing. Get it?" Advice from Obnoxious Owl

"Walking is a must; it's better than doctors or medicine." Advice from 99-year-old Rose on Advanced Style (Also, "Don't frequent a restaurant where they don't crumb the table.")

"Use your purchasing power as a political statement. Shop locally, ethically and in moderation." Advice from Keri Smith

That is roughly what I will look like, except less surly, about 20kg larger and wearing heels. Also, I notice that my dress has a little "modesty panel" in the cleavage area, which is probably for the best as I am somewhat better endowed than this model.

This is where I need some advice - how to accessorise this baby? The wedding's in Melbourne, it's in the evening and I think it's at a function centre. I joined up to Polyvore just so I can share some ideas (erm, as in JUST then, so please excuse my crappy moodboard thingo).

My first thought was to wear black leather pumps and clutch with copper accessories. I am more olive-skinned than this model. Only problem is, I can't find anyone selling copper accessories so I may have to head to the hardware store and make some of my own.

My second thought was to mix in some bright accessories, like midnight blue or magenta, then finish it off with gold jewellery. Most of these accessories are just picked randomly off Polyvore, except for the best part - that midnight blue Mr Mohawk bag by Deadly Ponies.

My other option is to shop my closet and wear some of those things I already own and rarely wear - like this bracelet (with matching ring) by Elke Kramer.

Use lists when possible. People love reading lists, especially tips lists. I know, tips lists seem like a simplistic way to present information. But people love them. I post a tips list every Wednesday.

Shit. Here I've been writing this blog for 2+ years and I haven't been posting tips*. Therefore, I've decided to start posting some tips. Hey, someday people will PAY for my advice***.

Here are some tips for this week. They are medical. Please don't sue me if things go wrong.

Tip #1: Don't smoke. I work in a hospice. Most of my patients have cancer. The End.
Tip #2: Build up your bone density at a young age. As in, younger than people who read this blog****. That's not to say that a little weight-bearing exercise, calcium and vitamin D will do you any harm if you're post-pubescent.
Tip #3: Wear sensible shoes. This will help prevent falls, which will help prevent fractures, because you've probably left it too late to build up your bone density.

* I do have some lists about, being an obsessive list-writer**.** I once wrote a list of "52 fun things to do." Number one was "Write lists." I think I ran out of fun things at number 37. This says a lot about me.*** At work, not on this blog. **** Unless you're really young. In which case, sorry for swearing.

Most of the verses did not fit into the correct syllable pattern for haiku. They are all based on real-life Google searches we've made at work. The song came about because my co-worker (and office co-inhabitant) Dr H is always asking me questions and if I don't know the answer I tell him to "Google that shit." (Don't worry, I use much politer language in front of my patients.) If you'd like to sing along, you must do a Snoop Dogg voice.

Monday, February 7, 2011

I wrote a list of 30 changes that I hope to achieve in my 31st year of life (because I didn't get around to writing New Year resolutions). I posted the list on this blog. Approximately 1/17th of the year has passed and I haven't achieved much. The only items I can claim to have addressed are #30 Be less of a mega-bitch (a la Shannen Doherty's Heather in Heathers) and #13 Donate at least 3% of pre-tax income to charity (not including the arts). Well, I haven't donated thousands of dollars to charity in the past 3 1/2 weeks but unless I cancel some of my regular contributions, I should get there (thanks to harassment by my former University for donations). I haven't been actively trying to tone down the bitchiness. It just happened that way. Today at work (at the hospice) I was mistaken for a Pastoral Care chaplain!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

I recently purchased One Hundred Great Books in Haikuby David Bader (author of Haiku for Jews). It gave me the idea to haiku-fy some of the books I read*. I usually read at least one (or two or three or ten) each week but I am trying to cut down for the sake of my eyesight and social life. I could read so many more if they were only 17 syllables each.

*If the book is crap, I'll let you know. Otherwise, I recommend the books I turn into haiku!