I always have trouble writing about myself because I don’t know where to start. If I were to start at the very beginning this biography would end up a book so I guess I will start at the end. I see myself on my death bed as an old wise man, like one of the Buddhist or Taoist monks you see in those Japanese and Chinese movies. In that moment I am not sad, and I am not happy, I am just content, because up until that point I have lived a life full of meaningful experience. That is all I see, I don’t see a career, I don’t see the perfect wife and kids, I don’t see riches or poverty. I only see myself in that moment.
In this moment now, I am 21 years old sitting at the desk of my current job as a concierge writing this biography/journal. I am contemplating on what this journal should be about. Should it be purely about pick up, Should it be about self growth and development, or just a mixture of everything? Another thing I am thinking about is what do I want to accomplish with this journal, because if it is not meaningful then it will just be a waste. For now I will just keep on writing and see where this takes me.

My first approach was about two and half years ago or maybe it was three? I was either eighteen or nineteen with a few people from high school on a field trip, I don’t remember where to. Before we got to our destination we made a stop at Eaton Center mall in Toronto to get some lunch. While eating I saw this cute Asian girl sitting at the food court by hey lonesome reading a book. She was shorter, long black hair, wearing glasses, she looked very down to earth, I like that. I was half way through reading The Game and excited that I knew the secrets of pick up. I decided that I will impress my friends with my new found pick up ninja tactics
“Watch this; I am going to go over to her and get her number”. I was wearing this really nice watch, a family heirloom for pecocking reasons. I hesitate, get up and slowly walk up to her from across the food court.
“Hi” I sound alright everything is going according to the master plan. She looks up from her book and responds.
“Hi” I look her into her eyes, lift up my arm to show her the watch. Back then I took pecocking way to literally.
“Do you think this watch is nice?” She is puzzled
“What?” I stutter, master plan has failed, she was not supposed to say “what” she was supposed to say “Yes! Yes it is!”
“Do you think this watch is nice?” I say again.
“Are you trying to sell me something?” Abort, abort, there is no plan B abort!
“Um… no I thought it was nice and wanted to show… you.” Approach anxiety kicks in, I feel it hard. I have done ballroom dancing for 16 years at that point and I have performed in front of hundreds of people. I have NEVER felt that in my life. I don’t remember how it went afterwards, I just remember saying goodbye and walking away. She went back to reading her book. I come back to my table and my friends ask me if I got it. I say no.
“Why?”
“Something went wrong” and I sat there on the seat of shame until we left. I did not approach anyone for 4 or five months after that. For whoever reads this journal and you are just starting out. You will never forget your first approach, just like your first kiss, and your first time at sex. Looking back at it now it makes me smile I have indeed grown a lot since then. After getting into somewhat of a groove I have approached hundreds of girls, have had two full lays which were both turned into really good relationships, and many make outs at clubs. I have had many ups and downs with pick up which I will talk about later on.

Journal: RSD Nation

This is my second journal. I have one on Toronto Phoenix Society but it is a very small community and I know everyone on there. At the moment all of us are doing our own thing and are busy so I have decided that keeping a second one on RSD nation would be a good idea. I would like to get more feedback on my progress.

I kind of want to start fresh. I have just got out of a nine month relationship with a great girl. Under the circumstances me and her were under we could not continue our relationship. Because of that I have been depressed for the past couple of weeks and very moody and negative, I want to get back into gear and push hard to achieve greatness again. For those nine months I rarely did anything related to pick up because I was focused on the girl and my one big goal which is to travel. I want to backpack across the world. I will talk about that more later. Since pick up goes well with travel I figured I will get back into it and this time push even harder to reach an even higher level. For the next year I do not want a full on relationship. I want multiple open relationships and I want to start expanding my social circle and filling it with many cool people. To achieve that I must work on my confidence, being unapologetic, and once and for all just stop caring what others think of me, or at least let it stop me from approaching whenever I want. My favorite type of approach is during the day, it just feels right. Though the only real success I have received has been from club approaches haha. The way I believe I can solidify my inner core and be more consistent with my approaches is through developing positive habits. I will start simple. Take a shower once a day and brush my teeth twice a day. This is actually inspired by a very close friend of mine who owns like one hundred and fifty pairs of sexy underwear and a few days ago she told me, “A person is defined by what they wear underneath”. I know I should do that every day anyways but I do get lazy, it is a good starting point :P. The second one is to keep my room tidy and organized. It has been a complete mess over the course of the two weeks and I just recently picked up all the clothes off the floor. The third is to approach someone new once a day. And the last is to drink a glass of whole milk a day to help me gain weight. I will do this for the next thirty days since a habit develops after twenty eight or something like that and over time I will make these more intense. Building positive habits is what will give me long term solid results. I do not want the magic pill.

Progress: Habits

Friday

Glass of milk: Check
Hygiene: Check
Room: Check
Approach: uncheck

I saw several girls that I found attractive but I pussied out. I have a feeling this will be like this for a while.

Saturday

Milk: Check
Room: Check
Hygiene: Check
Approach: Uncheck

The only time I had a chance at an approach was in the subway, that is still scary as fuck. I will push through! I read a really good article on RSD nation called something like, I rather be the weird guy then lonely. I do not want to be lonely.

approach: uncheck. wtf. dude, just fucking do it. no thinking and no hesitation. just walk up, open your mouth, and say anything. it doesn't matter if you bomb, just sacking up and doing it is a success.

Milk: Check
Room: Check
Hyginene: Check
Approach: Uncheck - I work nights and barely had any sleep during the day, I had an 8hour span of time from work to work. Though this is no excuse since I ride the subway to work and I saw a few ladies that I would of liked to approach.

Monday:

Milk: Check
Room: Check
Hyginene: Check
Approach: Check x 2

I finished work around 9am and decided that I should walk through the mall that is near by since I am not in a hurry. I saw this one beautiful brown hottie. Right away I knew... I must do something. And it hit me... the tightning of the chest, the thumping of the heart, the sweat on my forhead, but I also heard deep inside, "Approach! Approach! Approach!! You. Want. To!" I pussied out and continued towards the mall, it happends that she too decided to go there. She stops to look at the map inside as I walk by. Fuck it! Just try... It was short and sweet. I went in direct, that has been my favorite way for the past year or so. She loved it, I made her day... week probably... I left with the biggest smile I had in a while. I was golden! It was not because of the approach... It was because I broke broke through my barrier, I broke through my fear, I broke the inch thick glass wall infront of me. The second approach was on my way home. I get to Finch station and start waiting for my bus. As I am walking towards it I see another brown girl this one has the same build but she has gold blond hair, its hot. I go in direct, lazer eye vision, she is 27... that caught me by surprise (I dated girls older then me by 6 years) but she also has two kids. All I could say is "Wow you are a very good looking mom" :) We say our goodbyes and I feel golden. This is significant to be, I have not felt so good after an approach in a LONG time.

I was on the subway to work and I saw one really nice girl sitting at the other end. My insides told me to go, but I sat there and made excuses of why not to do it. Unlike most times this time I could hear the exact excuses. If I had gotten up and made an attempt at the approach it would have been good but instead I built it up to something it is not and did not try, no excuse for not approaching. Then while waiting at a Tim Horton’s for my order I see an Asian couple that walk in and the guy is saying something about that “square thing” so I proceed to correct him and tell him that square thing is a Danish. The chick completely ignores me. I guess she was buying for the both of them so he proceeds to point out the Danish, and she is not receptive. So I tell her hey… he wants the Danish, the square thing. She is completely unreceptive at my comment. That was my half assed attempt. Boo. I left there thinking, wow this girl is completely in her own world, I must work on being like that.

Bio: Fuck up of a life time. One of those approaches you never forget.

This happened to me about a year and a half ago. Me and a buddy of mine were walking around Eaton Center during one summer day. We both have had a rough day there as the sets would just not hook. He got one number, and I still had Zero. We are doing our last run of the place and are about to call it quits, when I see her… This girl is beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, and everything a guy would ever want. I don’t use the scale but she was a 13 out of 10, milky brown skin, sky blue eyes, raven black hair, tits like Megan Fox but more round and filled, not to big not too small. I was stunned, my legs became weak, my voice became a whisper and my core could only say “GO!” I turn to my friend and tell him to give me a second and that I will be right back. I walk towards her and my legs start to shake, and my AA is as large as it can be, but deep down in my core all I hear is “You. Must. Approach.” It is so over powering that I cannot stop myself from walking up to her and tapping her on her shoulder,
“Hi”
“Hi” she is slightly puzzled but smiling
“I thought you were beautiful… I wanted to say hi” My voice is shaking so hard it feels like an earthquake just hit. She is even more beautiful than I thought.
“Aww that is sweet” [smile]
“What are you up to?” I am so nervous I still do not know why it has gone on as long as it had.
“I am just buying some strawberries and going home to make some strawberry smoothies at home”
The banter goes on for a few minutes and I ask for her number. She gives it to me… All I could hear is the “We are the Champions” song playing inside my head. I feel wonderful. I broke through my AA and got the number of the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Even now a year and a half later I have not seen nor met anyone more stunning.

I do not do anything with the number for a few days. I think it was a Saturday that I got it. On Wednesdays I used to have sparring at the Kung Fu school that I used to go to (I will sign up again soon) and that day I felt extremely good about myself after a sweaty session. After the lesson around 8pm I decide that I should give her a call and see what happens because at this point I figure it is a fake number. I call her. She picks up. I am surprised a little bit but keep going talking about how I just finished my martial arts lesson and was heading home then ask her what she was up to today. She says that she is staying at home right now and relaxing with a good book. I decide to wing it, try and see what happens,
“Lets meet up”
“When?”
“Where do you live?”
“Downtown”
“Eaton Center in thirty minutes”
“Mmmmm I don’t know”
“How long will it take you to get there?”
“10 minutes”
“hmmm It will take me a bit longer, 15 minutes we will meet up at Eaton Center”
“Hmmm ok… Where exactly?”
“Dundas square I will call you once I get there”
“Ok”

This is something that happened along those lines. I cannot remember the exact words but this moment in my life is so memorable that I can still recall it almost perfectly a year and a half later. Now one thing I should mention before I go on. Well actually two. The first is that I was a 20 year old virgin at this point and the only sexual experience I had (with quite a bit of girls actually) was playing with boobies, rubbing parts outside the pants, and making out. The second is that when I go to my martial arts lessons the only thing I used to bring was a cell phone and my Metro Pass and because it was summer the only thing I had on was a sweaty wife beater and billabong shorts with red and black converse on my feet. All of which I spar in. So… I am sweaty, probably a little bit stinky (God has blessed me with less than regular amount of stink), and I have no cash what’s so ever. Always go out prepared!

I get to Eaton Center and am waiting for the call. It has been 15 minutes and there is still no phone call. I wait 10 more minutes and start thinking this is a flake and that it has been too good to be true up until this point. I give her a call. She says that her friend had an emergency and that she is sorry that she is late and that she will be there soon. I wait another 10-20 minutes it is almost 9pm. I finally get a call from her that she is waiting for me at the meeting spot that we set up and I start heading that way. Haha, once I get there my head explodes from how sexy this girl is. Fuck. My description does not do her justice. This girl is like Megan Fox with darker skin and just… better. She is wearing hot pink short shorts which show off her awesome ass and legs, and I believe she had on a black tank top. It definitely looks like she took her time to get ready. There is someone talking to her, and it looks like I must save her. I approach her and say hi. This other guy is clearly bothering her and keeps asking for her e-mail. I introduce myself, say goodbye and tell her “let’s go”. She complies. Now, everybody has their strong points and weak points in the process of a pickup. My greatest weakness is probably the approach, more like the lack of the approach and not talking enough. My greatest strength is probably the day two. I love day twos. When I have a girl on a day two I know it is on because she has taken the time to come out and meet me. So more or less I do not fuck up as much to insecurities on a day two. This is exactly what happens, everything just falls into place here. Or maybe it was just luck.

As we start moving away from the weird e-mail guy I grab her hand in a playful manner as we are crossing the street,
“It is safer to cross the street while holding hands” She pushes away a little bit then lets go and tells me she doesn’t like guys touching her. Wash, rinse, repeat, still no go. Alright. We keep walking and are chatting about random stuff. I find out a lot about her that I like. She is a professional model, her last gig two weeks ago she made $20,000. She just recently moved to Toronto and she comes from a small town in Canada. Her back ground is mixed, Indian, Australian, Canadian, and some European. Her biggest goal in life is to become a video game developer and that is what she is saving money for now. She is twenty years old. She is very down to earth but dreams big. She plays all my favorite games. She is telling the truth… I tested her. This girl is everything I want in a girl and more. I cannot exaggerate this, everything I ever wanted in a chick, she has. The one funny thing is, is that I cannot find anything wrong with her… I tried, I did not. This is becoming a very long post… But it is one of my favorite stories to share for various reasons.

Continuing on we get to Nathan Phillip’s Square which is maybe a 6minute walk from our meeting spot. Now my plan was to go one the big platform that stretches around the Downtown square and teach her how to Waltz (I am big on cheesy dates, for my amusement not theirs) but she tells me she is hungry. Fuck. I don’t have any money,
“Ok I know this great place” I start heading towards a bar that I been to once and that was a good fifteen too twenty minutes walk so that I have some time to think. As we are walking I guess she realizes that I do not have any money on me and says that she will pay. Cha Ching! I have had girls buy me dinner before, but this was just perfect. We get to the Fox and Fiddle near the Much Music building and walk inside. She goes off to the bathroom and I ask the bartender for the menu. He asks for me ID… I sweet talk him telling him that I am not going to buy alcohol and that me and her were here just for the food. He refuses and tells me I am not allowed to be here. Fucking AMOG! Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! Seriously FUCK! She comes out of the bathroom and come up to me, I tell her what is going on and that I don’t have my ID on me. I guess she was really hungry and then she says the most magical words I have heard in a long time,
“Whatever, let’s just go back to my place and cook something”

We walk to her place which is not too far away and make small banter. I freeze up a little but soon am back on the ball. She doesn’t live to far from where we met and it is a nice building. She is renting a bachelor apartment on the 30th floor near Ryerson University. The view of downtown is fantastic! It is around 10pm now. She gives me a quick tour, puts on some comfortable clothes, takes off her make-up (Still looks sexy as fuck, I prefer no makeup) and opens the fridge. After a little debating we decide to start on some Pasta with some frozen veggies. Oh she also shows me her collection of her video games and game systems in the storage that she still hasn’t unpacked. Before she start cooking she points out a collection of bootleg DVD’s she owns as large as the oldest Bible, and tells me to pick out a movie, if she likes it I get a brownie point. I pick “An interview with a vampire” it’s the best vampire movie to date, none of this twilight crap, a MUST see. She loves the choice. I pop it in and wait for her to finish cooking, while doing that I check out her apartment in detail and find a few books that I have read like, 48 ways of talking to someone and compliment her on her choice. She finishes with the pasta and veggies and we sit down in her big ass Bini-Bag chairs and start the movie. I finished eating and get bored of the movie pretty quickly since I have already watched it two or three times. I tell her to pause it and that I will teach her how to dance, she hesitates saying that she has two left feet. I tell her it will be alright and that all she must do is try. I get her standing up and we put on some music but it is sexy Latin music so I switch my game plan and teach her the Rumba instead (very sexual dance). She feels nervous, and is bumping into me a lot. I correct her and say that it is alright, but she doesn’t want to continue. We try one more time but she doesn’t seem to be enjoying it. I stop. Hey we broke new ground with physical contact though. Yay. This is where I start to get nervous. I get a better idea and that is to give her a massage because this girl was tense as fuck. Actually I also saw some massage oil on the counter. She was nervous. Why I don’t know but she couldn’t seem to relax. Honestly she probably really liked me or something. She agrees with the massage. What???

I tell her that we can use some of that massage lotion that she has, but she tells me she is actually allergic to it but that she has a whole bunch of other type of lotion. She opens a drawer with like 10 different kinds and shows them to me. I just pick a random skin lotion and tell her that will do. This is where my reality freaks the fuck out. This. Is. Happening. And this is becoming hard to write haha. I tell her to lie down face first on her bed. She does and then we take off her shirt. I start rubbing her body without the lotion. Then I tell her that I am going to take off her bra. She loves the massage and agrees. I put some lotion on my hands and start going at it. I am really good with massages, I don’t know why, but I am really good. People tell me I have electrical fingers. She starts moaning a little bit and this is where I realize I am not going to fuck her. That I am not going to fuck her. That I am not going to fuck her. AA hits, and it hits me hard. I have never been in this kind of situation before. Hot girl, me on top of her, she is braw less and my hands are all over her back. Basically my mind snaps back into reality and tell me this is not possible… I freeze. My mind freezes. Again I repeat that I was a virgin at this point, and scared shitless, honestly I could probably not been able to get it up even if I wanted. There is nothing else to write about after this point. I left her place around one am. With nothing more than a hug, and “your sweet, I hope we can be good friends”. She walked me to the lobby of her building. As soon as she left I almost cried. I felt empty. If I had a gun… I cannot lie I would of shot myself.

For the next month I gave her a call once a week and every time she would not pick up. On the last call right after I deleted her number, she called back and told me she was travelling and that is why she didn’t pick up the phone. We never talked after that. I never saw her again. A few days after that Wednesday I went out to a club and did not approach. I went out, I believe, everyday afterwards, and about a month later just about the time I deleted her number off my phone I found a Korean girlfriend which I met at a club that I frequent. This is the most difficult, and the proudest story that I talk about in relation to Pickup and women and just because there is a lot to learn from this story. Don’t give into your fears because you may miss something that you will regret for the rest of your life. Approach, approach, and keep approaching because you never know when a good opportunity may want to fuck you. Assume nothing, and expect the unexpected. So keep moving forward and do not stop, because that is the only way to experience new and different things in life. I hope, sometime soon, that I will meet that girl again, because this time I will release the animal that’s inside and let nature take its course. Peace.

Today was definitely an epic day and it feels like I am going to have a great weekend coming up.

A little bit of back story before the Field Report. I work nights as I mentioned. On Tuesday I had the day off so I slept the night before, but come midnight I start work (Midnight (Wednesday) is when the shift actually starts.) Knowing I had to work at midnight I decide to take an hour nap for the upcoming eight hour shift. This shift turned into a 13 hour shift.

Field Report: First-solo-day-time-instadate

I am very proud of this one. Having one hour of sleep in the last twenty-four hours and just coming off a 13 hour night shift I am very happy on how this went down.

I get off work with no hard feelings towards what has happened with my regular eight hour shift. I am actually in a pretty good mood. I spent all night reading on RSD, and then spending a busy morning dealing with stubborn contractors and parking space. I am tired, at the point of tiredness in which I do not feel it anymore. I decide, what the hell lets go do some day game before going home to get some ZZzzzz’s. On my way to Eaton Center the downtown mall I stop by a local Quizno’s for a five dollar meatball sandwich and some cheese and broccoli soup. As I am sitting down I see a couple not too far away from me, and the girl is quite attractive. After finishing my sandwich I contemplate whether or not I should go try to steal the guy’s girlfriend. It is tempting and I never felt like this before. I really didn’t care… I decide not to do it and continue on my way.

I get to Eaton Center and tell myself that I will do one full lap around the whole mall which has three floors. I start with the top and do a zigzag down to the bottom floor. Me and my old wing used to own that place for the past few summers, he is doing his own thing now with University. While walking, yes I out once or twice, but this is a Wednesday at 2pm there is still not that many people there. I do not see a lot of girls that I would like to approach. On the bottom floor heading towards the subway I almost call it quits when I see a cute, what seems to be, Asian girl. I hesitate for a split second and just go, BOOM! There was no time for Approach Anxiety. Approach Anxiety will only take over when you give it the chance. I go in direct,
[tap-tap] “Hi… I thought you were cute”, she says thanks, “I’m Arthur”
“I’m HbAsian” She is cute and I was right, she is Asian, Korean in fact. My past two girlfriends have been Korean, and the last few make outs. I don’t know why but Korean girls want my big Russian cock. It is on right away. I don’t remember what I said exactly but it was along the lines of… “Where are you headed?” “Are you Korean?” “You are probably an exchange student” “Oh I am on my way home lets go” It was a little bit of luck that she lives near me. There are two Korea towns in Toronto. One is about Forty-Five minutes away from my house by bus. The other one is Ten minutes away, she lives ten minutes away.

Me and her get on the subway together and she sits right next to me. It’s ON. Things to note during the day time you build attraction quite fast by going in direct, I always go in direct I do not see a reason for indirect, it’s weird for me and never works. One of my sticking points, as I learn and realize today is that I am on attraction mode for too long. Dancing monkey anyone? In any case she was eating it all up. I talked a lot more then I usually do, in which I surprised myself. I have experienced vomiting words which has been a new concept to me recently. I tried to qualify her a little bit but she is shy, actually her hands were shaking a little bit when I held her hand to show her something. She was nervous, but that’s just sexual tension. I talk most of the subway ride, thirty minutes, where we have to get off early due to some problems, no worries I take this as an opportunity to make this into an instadate. She points out that the Tim Horton’s that I chose is right underneath her condominium where she is renting a room. Very good I know where she lives. Some things to mention at this point, I realize that I am still very reactive. I must fix this. The positive thing about this though is that I am starting to see where I go wrong and how I can correct this. I am slowly starting to see the matrix.

We get to the Timmies and grab a seat, she has some hot chocolate and I get some bottled water. I have been on attraction mode for too long and have started the process of qualifying the girl. I start asking her some deeper questions. I wish I could have recorded this. Once I get my Samsung Galaxy S I will start recording some of my approaches. She is laughing and having a good time and it is around 3pm now. I am very tired and start heading home. I tell her to walk me to Finch, which is a good two main streets away from her house. She tells me that she going to go home now and that I should say goodbye. This was clearly a test. I am starting to see the matrix. I tell her that she should walk me and I grab her by the hand and pull her. She giggles and walks with me. I decide that walking all the way to finch wouldn’t be a good idea and let her go by saying “you can go now”. I give her a hug. I have her number which I asked for during the subway right with a promise of an awesome Day two on Friday. I walk the rest of the way thinking this could of possibly have become an Lay if I would of pushed it more. I didn’t want to risk it because I needed to get some sleep before 10pm so that I won’t fall asleep on the job. I do sleep better after a nice fuck, which sucks because I didn’t sleep all that well :(.

Some things to work on:

Be more unreactive
Qualify the girl more
Stop with attraction sooner, sprinkling it through the interaction.
Be a little bit more physical. I was physical with this girl, but I feel as though I could of done better and built more sexual tension. The day two will be better.

My upcoming weekend will be great. Friday I will possible have two day twos lined up. One with HBAsian and the other with some girl that my friend says is DTF and asked him to find someone for her, so me and him are going on a double date. Afterwards I have a birthday party at this pub to go to and I am debating whether or not I should bring out HBAsian with me. Korean girls are known to want to get drunk before they do anything crazy. I could possibly bring her back to my place afterwards. Peace.

A.B.C’s Always be closing. I was actually not even going to approach anyone today because I was so fucking tired after work. While walking to the subway I saw a few sexy girls but it didn’t even register with me to approach. On my way back home riding the subway I struggled to not pass out.

FR: Follow up with HBAsian over texting.

I get back home this morning and decide to send HBAsian a txt msg. Prior to this I did send her a few messages after meeting her but nothing to special. This time I decided to try to be more shameless and assertive not caring of losing her. It went like this:

9:30am around the time I was getting back home:

Dr.M: Quit dreaming about me! It’s making me tired

HBAsian: U r so self contented haha

Dr.M: Admit you like it

HBAsian: I like my bf I don’t know about u well… (She mentioned a bf briefly in a text yesterday but smells like bullshit because she didn’t mention anyone the entire time I was with her that day)

Dr.M: That’s irrelevant. Are you going to have another boring day? (Inspired by Jeffy)

HBAsian: Im not bored these days I just relaxed a lot haha but today im quite busy to do lots of things :/

Dr.M: Cancel them. Then go to finsh station and take the 39 bus stop at leslie street. We will dinner at my house and watch funny movies if you are a good girl (I meant to say we will make dinner)

Dr.M: My plans for today are for you to cancel your plans and cook me dinner

HBAsian: That’s ur dream n it will not happen so just give up n do make another plan =)

Dr.M: Whatever you are doing today can be pushed back to Saturday. We are meeting tomorrow at 4pm. Wear something sexy so that we can match.

HBAsian: No every fri I usually spend time with my bf u should ask me that time u wanna meet me is available! U r not supposed to tell me to come out (haha YEA RIGHT!)
HBAsian: At that time :/ anyway thanks for asking me again

Dr.M: Haha alright last chance to meet me today. :) you know it will be fun.

HBAsian: I cant push it back to another day sry lets make a schedule 4 next time

Dr.M: You owe me dinner :) tell me when you are free and we will make a plan. Have a good day, I will talk to you later sexy girl.

HBAsian: haha talk to u soon

I was going to delete her number then but decided against it. She seems DTF, and if she does have a bf I don’t really care because she obviously wants my cock. I will try to get her out on sat for some clubbing if not I will delete her number.

I woke up a little bit early today so I had some time to sit around and relax at home. Once it hit ten thirty I got on the bus and saw this cute Asian girl sitting in front of me. I didn’t pay too much attention to her, but trying to do that I got a little bit inside my head. Once I get off the bus at the subway station I want to approach her, while I think about it I run into a couple of girls that I know. I lose the other girl. I finished talking with them and head downstairs towards the subway when I see this lovely dark skinned chick, very petit and very pretty, I feel the tingle and lock into her like a homing missile. I go in direct and she instantly stops. My eyes are locked into hers. I ask for her number way to fast haha and she rejects me. But she is still standing in front of me. I walk away.

There are a few points I wanted to jot down. One, the best opener that has worked for thousands of years and with which you can never go wrong is saying “hi”. Afterwards I like going in direct, why beat around the bush? Two, always ask for the number. Doesn’t matter how well the interaction goes you will still be holding your dick in your hand if you don’t move the interaction forward; (unless you have enough game to insta-pull back to your place and fuck the shit out of her) ask for the number. Always be closing. Best thing to do if you run out of words and you are thinking of ejecting is asking for the number, because you never know who will give it to you, and you can’t say that you haven’t tried. Three, this feeling that I get, this nervousness goes away pretty quickly after I actually approach the set. The only time it is really bad is when I stop and hesitate too long. The three second rule works, though make it one second.

Some things to note: I ejected way too quickly. She was still standing and looking at me after I asked for the number. Actually it really felt like she wanted to give me her number but she needed more reasons to. This is where I should of Qualified but my mind was rushing and I didn’t stop to think. This is one of the things I must work on; I must slow the fuck down. My mind goes way to fast sometimes.

I am starting to feel pretty good about pick-up again. For the past year while not with my girlfriends it felt like work and turned me off. Now it feels more natural. I want to take time and go out every day to do some approaches.

Some epic times last night. I got four number closes, one e-mail, and a lot of stolen beer and drinks. This has been the first goodnight at a pub/club in a while and I am very proud of the way I handled myself, because my game is usually terrible when I am drunk. Though tonight it was pretty solid.

Daytime

I finished my night at work and left around eight thirty a.m. I was pretty tired but decided to walk by Eaton Center to see if I could find some cuties along the way. While walking there I run into this homeless guy who plays a mini harp or something and is missing a lot of teeth. The reason I mention this is because his music is just magical. Whenever I hear it, it sounds like it is coming ten miles away and always puts a smile on my face. I ask him how much his CD’s are and give him a toonie in exchange for a poem that he wrote. My day has become good. A poem from a homeless toothless guy? My day can’t possibly be ruined now. Once I get to Eaton Center I find out it is pretty dead because all the stores are closed. I go upstairs to the third level where the Apple store is and see some chodes standing in line for some new shitty Apple phone or something gay like that. I laugh a little bit inside (I used to flip off that store every time I walked by, I didn’t today). I decide that it is not worth walking the entire mall and that I should just walk on the street up to Dundas Square. I get there and see this Asian girl who just captivates me… I am star struck. She walks with personality like she owns the place. She is wearing some sort of fuzzy animal shoes with black stockings and some jean booty shorts. Her hair is done up in with personality and wearing some expensive fur coat made out of a fox or two. Everything about her screams “Bitch”. I want her. Right away I feel the anxiety and the voice in my head is telling me that I should not approach, that I should just find someone easier. Fuck that! I turn on a dime and start walking towards her but she is walking pretty fast and I have to quicken my pace. I notice other people all looking at her as she walks by. This Boss Monster is level one-hundred, and I am a Nub level 3. Anxiety sky rockets and my knees start to wobble, but I continue towards her. She gets onto the escalator going down. I am right behind her thinking about the tucker max story that I read at work. She gets onto the next escalator. Logistics suck but I keep at it and continue following her. I expect her to continue into the mall but she turns towards the subway. Ugh I go the other way thinking that I lost her and that I should just give up. No. I will not stand for it! I turn around and almost run up to her. I chased her for a good five minutes up to this point and I am not going to give up. I finally catch to her as she is opening the door that leads to the subway. I double tap her and say hi. As I am about to say she is cute, she tells me that she is in a hurry and walks off. I am a little bit fazed, but think,
“Fuck it! I gave it my all, I chased her. I never would have done that before. I pushed through my fear and turned into a level 40 PUA in Dungeons and Dragons.” I decide that I should continue on up to Bloor Street and do another one.

Walking towards Bloor Street I pass a cute Asian girl. It takes me a minute to realize I want her. I turn around, run up and tap her on the shoulder. She turns around, stops, and I say,
“Hi! I thought you were very cute, I am Dr.M”
“Oh? Thank you!”
“What’s your name?”
“It’s HBAsian”
“Are you heading towards the University?”
“Yea”
“Ah Ryerson student”

The conversation went along those lines I can’t remember clearly because I got really drunk at night. I tell her that I will walk with her to the next stop light because I want to find out more about her. She agrees and I go into some quick stories about getting a new phone, and ask her a few interview style questions. We get to the light and I ask for her number. I did this directly, “Give me your number” [smile] but right afterwards I started saying too much shit about “I wont be another one of those guys” bla bla bla. She was about to tell to me but gets put off by my stupidness and tells me she has a bf. She says that she feels bad, but thanks me for the compliment and that I made her feel better. I walk off feeling good about myself. On my way back home I passed by four very sexy girls that I should have talked to…

Things to note

I thought about a better way to have approached that sexy Asian girl and I think I have come up with a good answer that I will try next time when I see a very sexy confident girl. I must have been more direct and dominate. Instead of tapping her on the shoulder lightly and saying hi. I should have tapped her on the shoulder Hard and just plainly said, “Hey! You’re fucking sexy and I had to say hi”.

The big mistake I did with HBAsian was that my mind started stuttering and I said too much things to convey that I am not an alpha male. An alpha male would not have said things like “I wont be like other guys” “I call you crazy amount of times” and shit like that. An alpha male would just have said “Give me your number”. Over all I am feeling good about the progress I am making right now. I want to push it more.

Friday night time

I wake up around five p.m. having four hours of sleep and get a call from my friend Dynasty telling me that we are meeting up with two girls around six thirty. He has fucked one of them at this party and told me that the other one that is coming is DTF. I am pretty excited but when I ask how she looks like he says that she some extra few pounds. My imagination runs away with me and I think of a giant cow. I don’t want my friend to be cock blocked by the imaginary cow so I decide that I should still come out to wing him. Me and him get to the meeting point which is a Korean/Western wing place. The girls are still not here and there is no one in the restaurant. Me and him order a pitcher and shoot the shit for a while. It is around seven fifteen p.m. and the girls are still not here, I tell him that I need to go to a birthday party later and that I can’t stay too long. His chick shows up first but can’t find the place so he goes out to greet her. While he is away I get bored and decide to go talk to the waitresses who are all Korean and two of them are sexy. I really like the taller one with the glasses. I shoot the shit with them a little bit and my friend comes back with his chick, she is sexy! I compliment him and we go sit down at the table. The rest of the time we spend there the tall sexy Korean chick keeps checking me out. A few minutes later and the first pitcher of beer gone the imaginary cow shows up. She is not really a cow. She is short, Russian, blond hair, and bubbly. I am not really interested. We all shoot the shit and she is into me, I call my phone from hers. The whole time I felt like talking to old friends. All is good. We finish the second pitcher of beer. I have to get going to the birthday party and leave Dynasty with the girls. I should of talked to the taller Korean girl and got her number before I left : ( Oh well I know where she works >: ) ).

I am pretty buzzed at this point and riding on the subway is turning out to be a little bit difficult. I try not to pass out and get to my destination. I try to get my blood pumping a little bit so that the bouncer at the Madison will let me in. Lucky for me I run into a girl that I know who is going to the same birthday party. I shoot the shit a little bit and the cold air wakes me. The bouncer asks me how I am doing, I don’t slur which is a good sign : ) I get in. I find the birthday girl and as soon as I finish saying my hello’s to everyone I find the nearest set and go in. The first one is a set of three girls sitting at a table. I honestly don’t remember what I said to them but I remember one of the waitresses came by to “check up” on them and ask me what I am drinking I tell her some water, she rolls her eyes at me and leaves. The set goes ok but nothing too grand, the girls aren’t into me. I leave and go back to my friends. There are about twenty people that I know for this birthday and I proceed to start stealing drinks. I finish about a pitcher of beer worth of stolen drinks, this includes hard liquor drinks. Thank god I didn’t have any shots. My long time wing Jlarge shows up and we proceed to wander around the club looking for girls to talk to. I see a table of three Asian girlies. I go in direct,
“You guys are sexy!”
The table of girls opens up, they are Japanese. I impress them with my very bad Japanese. Jlarge wings me until I get the cute one’s number. She has braces… I don’t want to her to cheese grade my dick, so she will have to make up for it by letting me fuck her up the bum hole. We leave on good terms. We stop by my friends again and the birthday girl is walking around with a martini glass full of wiped cream. I steal it and proceed to walk around with it the rest of the night taking swigs of pure wiped cream.

Me and Jlarge sit down next to these two nice girls and proceed to woo them. We talk about random shit and they keep telling us once their friends get there that we will have to leave. They also ask about the wiped cream martini glass. We talk but it doesn’t really go anywhere. I was not really into my chick. We leave once their friends get there.

Me and Jlarge meet up with another guy that he knows off boot camp, (Jlarge has taken a boot camp with Alexander). The three of us proceed to rock the club. His friend start talking to some random girl and I see two other girls right next to her. I start talking to them. The brown chick is into me and she seems pretty cool and I get her number. I don’t remember the details. I leave my wiped cream martini glass somewhere. We move on.

We go back to the birthday party and hang out a little bit. I steal more liquor and convince one of my friends that I lost my money somewhere and that she needs to buy me a drink to keep my buzz. She complies. While waiting for her I number close this Asian girl that I have known for a while. It’s her first night out to a pub. Her last boyfriend was very over protective and it feels like she just wants to let loose and do something crazy. I will keep this in mind for later.

Me and Jlarge and his friend continue our journey and see a group of girls sitting right next to the party. The friend starts talking with one of them, I start talking to two of them and Jlarge occupies the last one. Mine go alright but there is no click. All of us switch our girls and I sit down with the obvious mother hen. She is older, but won’t tell me her age. Very curious. She does not like being touched. She is pretty sexy to me right now so I keep going and start wining her over. Whenever she shoots a shit test at me I just ignore it and stare deeply into her eyes and every time she laughs it off. I get her number and she makes sure it is correct.

Me and Jlarge decide to go home. I say my goodbyes and cant find my sweater… Fuck. Getting off the subway I punch some chick in the nose and dont even realize it. On the bus ride home a sexy Korean girl is talking with a Russian chick and I open them. I am interested in the Korean chick but continue talking with the Russian girl. Since she doesn‘t have a phone I get her e-mail with the promise that her and her friends will come out with me sometime soon. She is 27. Only reason I get the e-mail is because I want to fuck the Korean chick, good logic :P?

Things to note

Whenever I go out to clubs I usually never drink. I am pretty good at keeping state while sober, though once in a while I will go out with the purpose of drinking. Tonight I didn’t want to drink but just kind of got into it. My game usually sucks while I am drunk that is why I prefer being sober during night time.

Some things I need to work on are intent, being less reactive, getting women to qualify themselves to me.

I think I did pretty well this night. My last time at a club was terrible so this is good momentum and I am going to ride the wave as long as I can. I am also quite happy that I am keeping up with my goals.

I am going out tonight with Jlarge.

FUCK! :( :( :( In my drunken stuppor I accidently replaced the japanese girl's number with someone else on the phone! I hate breaking girls hearts like this.

So I woke up with the biggest headache and spent the whole day at home recovering from the glory times that were yesterday. I made a commitment of coming out today and in the evening I gave my friend Jlarge a call. It was raining but we still decided to go out. I don’t know why but the entire day I have been feeling really inside my head. On our way to the Madison I over look several really cute girls thinking “Oh we are going to the pub there will be plenty time to approach”. This basically lets the fear take control of my feelings. We get there and while standing in line there are two girls standing in front of us, I proceed to open with something like “hey what’s up, you guys want to have a good time?” Yea… I know. We talk a little bit and it feels a little bit awkward but one of the girls seems to be really into me and keeps telling she knows me from somewhere. After a few minutes of trying to figure this out she tells me she actually knows me from when I used to dance from like five years ago. This girl has a very long memory. One of their friends shows up, some guy, and we proceed to make friends. The set becomes kind of stale as we walk into the pub.

Me and Jlarge realize that tonight is UFC night, so we sit down to watch one or two fights. We are choading around. This is pretty much the theme for the night. We walk around A LOT. There are plenty of sets and many mixed sets but we walk around too much. We find these two really night blond girls and Jlarge proceeds to open them. At this point I am feeling out of it, “What’s wrong with me?” is the repeating thought in my head. I walk by my friend and stand out side a little bit to get my bearings. I tell myself fuck this and go into wing for my friend. The approach goes well and my girl is into me. Five minutes talking to her she leaves, haha. Jlarge is still talking to his girl and I don’t want to get in the way I leave for some solo game. This goes really bad and I do not approach anyone.

I meet with Jlarge and we go back to watch the main event of UFC. I learn a really good lesson, size does not matter. The fight ended in ten minutes. I forgot the names of the heavyweights but one of the guys looked like a Viking and had a good twenty pounds on the other guy. The smaller guy beat the shit out of the Viking. Some girls come up to us to take some pictures for some game that they are playing. We shoot the shit, and make them laugh, eventually they go off because they can’t get the picture taken due to so much laughter. We leave the Madison and want to do some street game but it starts raining we leave around two a.m.

Things to note.

My friend reopened those two blond girls later on and one of them said that my lines were “rehearsed”. Just means I said all the right things, but it was very un-calibrated . This just means I am making process. This actually makes me feel better because I thought I was blown out because of physical game.

I have been thinking about why I was so inside my head and I came up with few answers. One, I didn’t act on my true desires. There was several very beautiful girls on the subway on the way to the pub and I didn’t approach. The fear saw this and took control. If you don’t constantly fight your fear it wont hesitate to take control. Two, I let the environment overwhelm me. Three, riding the success of last night I felt as if everything was going to come easy and let my guard down. A person who is good at this can only make this stuff easy by being comfortable in taking risks.

I have been following up my number closes from the last night, so far it seems to be going well.

I was pretty tired leaving work and had to go pick up my pay. I made close too eight-hundred dollars in the past two weeks and once I got back home I got my new sexy phone. This thing is beautiful. I have been walking around with a brick in my pants for the past three years and an upgrade was definitely needed. After I picked up my pay I decided that I should walk from King St. to Bloor St. and do some approaches. Honestly I wasn’t feeling it one bit. I didn’t feel excited about anything, I didn’t feel bad about anything, or good about anything. I just felt relaxed but at the same time I was thinking way too much. You know that feeling when you slow down and all the thoughts are just rushing through your head and you can’t control them? That’s what I was feeling. So I just focused on staying relaxed and slowing my pace down. There were not that many people around so I did not see much I that I liked. Once I get to Eaton center I see this cute Asian girl sitting by herself and I hesitate, but I turn around and approach anyways. Acting on my fear is getting easier. I come in direct and sit down next to her. She is not that receptive and after a minute or two of talking with her about some university stuff I get up and leave. It felt awkward, the getting up and leaving part. I don’t know why but afterwards I felt really bad for not staying in set, for not acting on my desire, “Why approach if you are not going to follow through and try your best” was the thought that ran through my head. It sucked! I do not want to feel like this again. I was hard on myself the whole way home until I actually sat down and listened to some Foo Fighters.

Things to note

I put too much pressure on myself. I need to chill out and relax; this is a hobby not a job. I feel bad for not following through. To fix this I must plow kicking and screaming and do the best I can, otherwise what is the point of a half-assed try. Being physical, this is mostly for clubs, but I should work on being more playful during the day.

I want to add a few points to my approach that I should accomplish once a day.

Approach:
Being physical:
Stay in set for five minutes of more:
Always ask for the number:

Ugh the momentum has dipped low and my Approach Anxiety is slowly taking over. I just can't seem to take a hold of myself and approach. The last two days I have been really tired because of work. Though I did have a day two with the chick that my friend took me out with before I went to the birthday. She is very unattractive. I felt like I was baby sitting her the entire time. I only went out with her hoping there was some chance of finding something I like about her. There was nothing. Fuck that. I should of just left, but I was actually enjoying my bubble tea. I did prove to myself once again that I am able to find shit to talk about whenever I want. I also, randomly, started talking with one of my ex's from like 3 years ago that I wanted to bang but it never happend. We have been sending eachother many many very dirty txt's and are setting up a time to meet so that I can fuck her. Last night I enjoyed hearing her cum over the phone at twelve a.m. But then she freaked out about something. This chick is fucked up but is quite hot. I don't care if I fuck her or not so we will see what happends.

I am pretty disappointed in myself. This has been a really bad night for me. Worst of all I made it bad, not anyone or anything else. Self improvement, with women, or anything to do with your lifestyle, it is all internal, all of it. When I started this Journal I got an initial boost of energy, momentum that pushed me forward and got me psyched up. That is now gone, and I start an uphill battle from here on in. What makes it difficult is that I feel like this will be a very lonely road, because it will be myself VS my own insecurities and believe me when I say I have many of them. This doesn’t mean that I cannot get help from others, I have many great wings that live in Toronto and when they are not busy will help me out.

One of my wings invited me out to a clubbing event but I was not willing to drop twenty-five dollars on it. Not wanting to stay at home and kill my brain cells with gaming I decided to go out solo but before leaving my house I get a call from my wing, Jlarge, to come out and chill with him before he heads down to club land. I meet with him and a half an hour later I meet with one of his buddies and this one chick. We are all heading towards the same general area so we ride the subway together. Honestly it was a good time, full of jokes and full of crazy costumes. For some reason I start getting inside my head. My friends are usually a lot more full of energy then me and sometimes can overwhelm me. I am enough! We get to club land and me and Jlarge run into this one PUA we both know and have not seen for a while. I open up probably the quickest set of my life and get blown out; well not really I just didn’t stick in it and pussed out. Jlarge and his two friends head into their club and I part ways and head towards the place I originally planned to go. This was a mistake; I should have just stuck around and did street game. I get to the club and it’s dead. It is eleven thirty p.m. and there is no line up. Usually it is crowded as fuck during this time. This discourages me; I don’t go into the club for the fear of wasting eight dollars for cover and coat check. I walk around that area and it is pretty empty. I am starting to hate my life at this point and head back home.

The truth is I saw a lot of really good looking girls walking around, dressed in many colorful types of costumes and each and every time I did nothing about it. I let fear control my actions. I was worried what everyone was going to think of me. I felt small. I wanted to blame everything on someone else. I made excuses. All of which is irrelevant. The kicker was when I sat down in the bus next too two sexy Korean girls and had to sit next to them for a good forty five minutes. I am usually a very calm guy but by the time I got back home I wanted to break something. I hate not taking action. It is the worst feeling in the world. It sucks. And I don’t want it to continue anymore. I know I have game. I know I can attract anyone I want. I know all that, but still don’t do it. What the fuck is wrong with me?

The way I decided to overcome this is by taking drastic measures and massive action. I will continue on building positive habits that I stated in my journal. I will work on building discipline. I will eat, breath, and shit self improvement. There are times you must overdose on certain things in life and right now this is what it’s going to be for me. I will not use my computer at home. No T.V nothing that stops me from going and meeting beautiful women. I am cutting everything off that does not directly involve Talking to Women, some sort of Home Chore or my full time Job. Only leisure time, that does not have anything to do with the reward system, I will allow myself is reading because that helps me go to sleep. There are some rules to this though, the reward system:

One Approach = Five Minutes of leisure.
Phone number close or make out = Ten Minutes of leisure time.
Day Two = One Hour of leisure time.
LR = Six Hours of Leisure time.