Blindness and Insight*, or: I shop therefore I…?

Once again, as I succumbed to the dreaded yoox.com last night (75% off fall stuff! Marni! Dries! Lanvin!), I had to ask myself why the hell I shop so much. Am I trying to prove something to myself about my identity in the world? Plaster over some unmet need from childhood? Compete with other women? All of the above? Maybe I just really like clothes and, since I'm not a drug addict or in jail, I figure I should be allowed a vice or two. Putting aside the big moral issues—because they're there, but they're not really solvable in this space (are you listening, Dr. Lewis? Fodder for our next session)—perhaps we can all agree that shopping tells us a lot about ourselves. In this way, if we look to our purchases as evidence of distinct moments in life, or attempts to communicate with ourselves and the rest of the world, even the worst purchases should contain a lesson. Why do the good ones work? What do the bad ones say?

Challenge: take a walk through your closet and pull out your worst mistake and your greatest victory. Here are two of mine.

At the time, I could hardly believe myself for coughing up over a grand for this baby. I had a friend in from New York and we were walking through the Palais Royal and the salesman was hot and the sun was shining and so on and so forth. I berated myself immediately afterwards for being a fashion victim, but as more time goes on, I realize: I didn't starve. And every time I carry the bag now, think I'm a visionary. It's the perfect shape, it's not flashy or logo-y and the leather-suede and blue-black combos make it incredibly versatile. It was the first season of what's become PH's signature bag, so fashion junkies ooh and ahh that I got the original. It's stain resistant and comfortable to carry. Score one for me.

This is a prime example of shopping-to-try-to-become-someone-else instead of shopping-to-reflect-who-you-are. In my case, I was trying to ignore the fact that I'm a bookwormy politics junkie with a distinctly un-sunny temperament. Why was I trying to turn myself into Julie from the Love Boat? Not only did it not work, but my cat Manuel destroyed the pink ribbon ties that criss-crossed up the ankles ages ago. I keep these shoes to remind myself that trying to dress your way into another personality is a fool's game. Accept who you are and clothe yourself accordingly.

So. Fess up. What were your wins and losses in the closet? What have you learned?