(Original post by porridgeandrhi)
So, I haven't posted on this thread for a while. A lot has changed these past few months (in a very positive way)... But now I've hit a new dilemma and need a bit of help (to do with weight restoration/bmi etc)

Anyway, for the update (and the dilemma):

I assume you're quite young (relatively speaking!). Teen girls often have BMIs around 18.5 and it's totally normal, however adult women are usually higher... whatever your age you can't predict what your weight may have done during the time period where you have had your eating disorder, so your 'before' weight is really not relevant

if you gain up to a BMI fo 20 and it's unnaturally high for you then your body will drop back down, but a higher weight will give you more wiggle room in case you initially struggle so if you do lose a couple lbs you're not back to the danger zone, it also gives your body more oppotunity for your organs etc to heal, muscle to build and for your brain to become more flexible again

it's worth trying, at the end of the day you can always lose weight if you want to... personally I've actually gained to quite a high BMI (somewhere in the high 24s I think? really not sure), I'm not as big as that would sound, I'm a size 8-10 so very normal! but I can promise you it was very worth it, my OCD symptoms have finally eased a bit, my anxiety is much lower, my body image is much better, I have so much energy and don't get cold all the time, I finally get my period, I'm happier and I don't have to obsess over food to maintain my weight I was initially scared to make the jump from 18.5 to 20 like you but just see how it feels, the likelihood is that you will feel so much better mentally that you wont want to go back

Hi. I've not posted on here before, and I apologise if this ends up being a long rambling post. I can't work out where the spoiler thing is, so I can't hide this all under a cut so that people can ignore it if they wish.

I've struggled with anorexia for the majority of my life. I am in my mid twenties, and have been suffering for 20 years. At times I would deny this, and although I've always hated being ill, a lot of the time I wasn't ready to get better either.

I have changed considerably over the last three years. I had a significant turning point, when I very nearly lost my life and ended up on life support machines and on transplant waiting lists in ICU for a long time. Against all odds, I survived and luckily got sent to an EDU for a decent amount of time where I worked really hard. The unit was pretty awful, but in many ways that did me a favour because it made me more determined not to end up back in that situation again. I have wasted SO much time in hospital, and I feel so sad for the people I have met in there who have just become really institutionalised and accepted that this is all their lives will ever be.

Anyway I had been at uni, studying a very academically pressured course but withdrew due to ill health. Uni didn't make me ill; I'd developed anorexia over a decade before I went to uni. But it became a bit of a pressure cooker, preying on all of my insecurities I guess.

Now I am working hard. For the first time in my life, I am receiving outpt psychotherapy. It is so painful, and most of the time I have to drag myself there, but I respect and trust my therapist and know that this is what I have to do.

I am considering going back to uni, but am so scared. I have, again, picked a hard course in terms of workload and pressure. But I am also thinking about withdrawing from my offers and reapplying next September to do my original course, as this is where my heart lies. I'm just so scared of getting unwell again. I feel like picking the easier course though is letting anorexia win yet again, and dictate my life?

i don't know what to do, and am very scared and lost in general. Every day is a battle to not give in to the illness, and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier

I have made it my new year's resolution to lose weight so that my BMI drops down to 18. My BMI is currently 20.54 so I don't have too far to go. I am 5'5" and currently weigh 56kg (8st11lb) so I would need to drop to 50kg (7st12lb).

There is a voice at the back of my head telling me I'm being an idiot and I should be happy with myself the way I am, but then there's a stronger voice telling me I'm just fat and lack the willpower required to lose weight.

I have made it my new year's resolution to lose weight so that my BMI drops down to 18. My BMI is currently 20.54 so I don't have too far to go. I am 5'5" and currently weigh 56kg (8st11lb) so I would need to drop to 50kg (7st12lb).

There is a voice at the back of my head telling me I'm being an idiot and I should be happy with myself the way I am, but then there's a stronger voice telling me I'm just fat and lack the willpower required to lose weight.

Most of the time I would say "no offence", but this time, mean it when I say you ARE being an idiot with this milestone. The very definition of idiot is a person of such an ignorant state that they are a danger to themselves, and that's what you're doing. On Hogmanay of all days, accept what I am saying and use your brain, for goodness sake.

So I'm finally being given the go-ahead for an insulin pump I find that if my diabetes is better, I don't restrict because I'm not constantly feeling sick and low in mood. Here's to a happier, healthier 2014 to you all and the start of the life you deserve

(Original post by TotoMimo)
Most of the time I would say "no offence", but this time, mean it when I say you ARE being an idiot with this milestone. The very definition of idiot is a person of such an ignorant state that they are a danger to themselves, and that's what you're doing. On Hogmanay of all days, accept what I am saying and use your brain, for goodness sake.

I genuinely thought he/she was on the wind up but then worked it out. Pretty bizarre when you consider their previous posts. Plus he/she has a fitness blog :s.

I've decided I won't make any resolutions about losing/gaining weight or whatever, or even going to the gym/exercising more-I'll still go exercise but I won't make it the goal for the year.
Ideally my goal would be to 'stop over thinking' but that would be like telling someone really struggling the solution is to 'just eat more/less'.
So, my goals are:

1. Be more assertive.
Say what I mean, and do what I say I'll do, or do what I've told myself I will.

2. Be more independent (?)
Wishy-washy but it basically means that I need to stop doing things just to please others and live for myself a bit my fear about this is 'what if I change and people no longer like me?'

3. Stop looking for negatives/assuming the worst-case scenario; have a bit more trust

This is important because the last time that I failed to trust, my girlfriend had threw me a surprise 21st party to show how much she loves me, and I spent the whole event jealous of her guy mate. Then I told her this, made her cry and she wouldn't speak to me. Later I found out she was spending a lot of time with him there to cheer him up after a nasty break-up, and so that I didn't feel she was clinging on to me when I wanted to talk to my friends.
't I broke my girlfriend's heart 2 days before Christmas and were it not for the magic of the season getting us to text Happy Christmas to each other on the day, I probably would have ended a good thing because I was an idiot.
As it is I apologised to her on Boxing Day so we're on good terms again now ^_^
So basically I have trust issues. A bit of a 'no **** Sherlock', I listen to the walls to figure out whether my family are *****ing about me behind my back...

Even when 'being assertive' sometimes means saying no to cake or a drink. I'm going to try and look at it less as some manifestation of the ED, and simply as expressing my own free will at that moment.

But I will consciously check my motives and respond accordingly-for example, saying no to being offered some chocolate from the tub of Quality Street doesn't mean I'm completely giving into soul-crushing disordered habits again, it just means I'm not hungry at the moment (or satisfied my cravings earlier :P)
Whereas avoiding my best friend's 21st just because it's going to involve cake and crisps is blatantly giving in to my ED or at least my fears. And I wouldn't do that.

I've given myself hell for nearly 18 months now over thinking something like 'I have food problems, they caused people I care about lots of distress in the past-I am a terrible person and I've sinned greatly [yeah religious guilt], I must now punish myself or make sure I never eat healthy or exercise again or do anything I like ever again.' I've punished myself through locking myself into rumination, binge-eating, and even self-harming, I'm ashamed to say. No more.

I'm a bit frustrated about my tendency to comfort-eat when stressed, not to mention when health anxiety takes over it feels like I'm dying from the panic, but I'm trying not to solve this with 'oh let's eat less/.
The problem that led to comfort-eating was stress and the solution (I guess) is to find better ways to cope with stress, and be kinder to myself so as not to stress myself out in the first place!

:/
Dad caught me with the dumbbells. He goes over to the kitchen and gets a packet of crisps and some chocolate before going outside again. I don't want any right now, I'm saving myself for a meal with my friends this afternoon.
I feel so ashamed. I should want some, I am failing at recovery for not wanting some, I am a disappointment of a son

I'm worried they will love or respect me less because I decided to say no to the chocolate :/

(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't think you're supposed to unmask anons. Either way, you're right, I do. Doesn't mean I'm not looking to get down to that 50kg milestone. Losing weight and eating less is being healthy, right?

I'm actually quite upset by this to be honest, far more than I should be...

As an anon, you are doing a dire job. if you had any relevance of healhy human formality you'd e experience that xxx

We recently discovered there were multiple anon alts using this thread to post pro-anorexia propaganda under the guise of "misguided advice". They're all but wheedled out now, but I've been on the defensive for weeks. The mods are getting better at removing them these days.

Abuse of the anonymous poster system is truly despicable but I'mhappy we're finally making it better for the majority here. X

We recently discovered there were multiple anon alts using this thread to post pro-anorexia propaganda under the guise of "misguided advice". They're all but wheedled out now, but I've been on the defensive for weeks. The mods are getting better at removing them these days.

Abuse of the anonymous poster system is truly despicable but I'mhappy we're finally making it better for the majority here. X

I wish we still had neg rep for things like this. I personally use neg rep as my way of going 'you sir need a slap for that'

If you're on my Facebook (as a lot of you now are) you'll know I ranted about Urban Outfitters quite profusely.

The truth is, that it breaks my heart there are still people so unevolved as to benefit from the pain and suffering of others. People can be so thickwitted and heartless that our recoveries seem pointless, but believe me - there are still, and there will always be - people worth being a healthy human being for. Some people are legitimately worth your time.

We recently discovered there were multiple anon alts using this thread to post pro-anorexia propaganda under the guise of "misguided advice". They're all but wheedled out now, but I've been on the defensive for weeks. The mods are getting better at removing them these days.

Abuse of the anonymous poster system is truly despicable but I'mhappy we're finally making it better for the majority here. X

It's despicable how low some people will stoop.

(Original post by TotoMimo)
If you're on my Facebook (as a lot of you now are) you'll know I ranted about Urban Outfitters quite profusely.

The truth is, that it breaks my heart there are still people so unevolved as to benefit from the pain and suffering of others. People can be so thickwitted and heartless that our recoveries seem pointless, but believe me - there are still, and there will always be - people worth being a healthy human being for. Some people are legitimately worth your time.

It just takes a lot of effort to figure them out.

This has actually hit me really hard, because they're both issues I suffer with quite badly, so to see them trivialised and glamourised like that makes me so angry I can't even put it into words...

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Spoiler:

Show

I feel close to a breakdown. It's a huge build-up of issues, not all related to eating (although it is involved), and I don't think it's gonna take much more to tip me over the edge. I don't want to admit I need help but I really do I do my best to eat normally in front of everyone else and I do actually eat properly at the moment but inside I'm screaming at myself for daring to eat and promising myself that tomorrow I'll be "good" (ie: not eat) yet I never manage it I have other issues going on too and I feel like I'm just so close to losing my mind

I am BMI 22. Right slap bang in the middle of healthy. To some, I am a skinny sod. To some, I am fatter than fat.

To me, I have accepted who I am. I help people beat mental disorders, and it gives me the greatest degree of happiness.

Does being skinny make you happy? No. It does not. I have been literally as skinny as a person can get, and not die. This is totally bizarre - I should have died two years ago. Unable to even lift my own niece for fear of bone breakage and even now, struggling to get beyond "Old-lady" tier of bone brittleness (seriously, I am still not allowed to do any impact exercise such as running or cross-training) even today (bones take nearly five years to get better after you wreck your body) I thought I should be happier than I was.

Yet every girl I met basically said "You'd be perfect if you weren't a human xylophone" and "If you were fat, you'd be my husband!" (Those are literal quotes) - yet I disregarded them to be skinny and dying, and alone, and unhapy.

One thing which has struck me is that the further away from your lowest weight you get, the less the number on the scale seems to matter. Fluctuation and gain becomes normal and accepted and you begin to feel comfortable being a normal BMI.