duh-ble trouble

Ever have one of those “aha” moments, those celebrated moments of our lives that are epiphanies, revealing our own truths, our own selves, our own reasons for being? Not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about those times when you finally realize something completely obvious, something that everyone else out there probably has known forever while you’ve been the only one in the dark. Moments that make you go “duh.” To wit:

The Two-Alarm Moment

When B. and I first moved in together, we used only one clock radio (to those with a baffled look on their faces, that’s the thing that used to wake us up before our iPods or cell phones). So we set that one alarm to the time that the first one of us had to get up. Then the first one would wake the second one later on. Beyond the obvious reasons why this scenario didn’t work well (among them, “You’ve been waking yourself up every morning since high school and now all of a sudden you need a wake-up call?”), it required the later sleeper to endure the endless snooze alarms of the early riser. One day, out of the blue, clarity dawned. Two sleepers. Two clock radios. Two obvious. Duh.

The Walk-Don’t-Walk Moment

Remember the Sony Walkman? It was God’s answer to how we could take our music with us wherever we went (sort of). The premise was simple — just open the Walkman, insert the cassette and get your groove on. Except when my brand-new Walkman wouldn’t open. I tried to pry it open from every side; twisted it clockwise and counterclockwise; changed the batteries a couple of times — nothing. Finally, as a last resort, I read the instructions: “Slide to open.” Sheesh.

The Chocolate-Covered Clueless Moment

You know those boxes of chocolate that have like a gazillion different varieties inside and it’s basically a crap shoot to get the one you want? And you know how you have to bite into each one until you find one you like? Or, unlike me, did you already know that there’s a little “candy map” on the inside of the box cover that tells you what’s where? Well, good for you, smarty pants.

The “Hey, We Can Go See Michael Jordan Play!” Moment

Circa 2001-2002, these two things were true: 1) Michael Jordan was playing for the Washington Wizards, and 2) the LA Clippers weren’t exactly drawing crowds. So, when I found out that the Clippers would be hosting the Wizards, I thought I had discovered the secret of the century — an easy way to watch Michael play.

Me: Guess what? We can get tickets to see Michael Jordan!

B: What?

Me: The Wizards are going to be playing the Clippers out here in a few weeks.

B: And …?

Me: Tickets will be easy to get. No one goes to the Clipper games. It’s not the Lakers. How many people will think of this?

B: I’m thinking, oh, just a few … hundred thousand. It’s Michael Jordan. Staples will be sold out.

Me: No way, I’m gonna check into it.

A couple of days later:

B: How’s that Michael Jordan ticket thing working out for you?

Me: Shut up.

The great thing about these moments? They’re a good way to learn to laugh at yourself. As well as a chance to learn something new (well, new to you, anyway).