Nature notes

We’re all terribly impressed by the giraffes and narwhals and chihuahuas and whatnot, but don’t you think it’s time for something new?

I know that evolution is your preferred approach, but it’s not very efficient, is it? With modern business techniques at our disposal, I think we can do better than a hundred million years to develop a gibbon. Here are some ideas. Prototypes by Tuesday? Lovely.

Miniscule hummingbirds that eat earwax and live on underground trains. The frequency of their tiny wings should be directly opposed to whatever noise is leaking from the headphones of the person sitting next to you, thereby cancelling it out and allowing you to enjoy your ear-cleansing in peace.

Chocolate emus that lay huge, hollow eggs containing baby rabbits who burst out of them singing showtunes and tapdancing. If you don’t understand why this is a vital addition to the natural world…