Hangover Free Alcohol: By Everyone’s Favorite Liar

Hangover free alcohol is the newest nonsense out of North Korea

Kim Jong-Un makes a lot of bold claims, but none so absurd as to suggest you can get drunk without a hangover. That’s exactly what he’s now after declaring that his scientists have created hangover free alcohol.

While I haven’t had this miracle elixir, there are a few reasons to say with confidence that Dennis Rodman’s best friend is full of shit. For one thing, drinking too much of any booze will give you a hangover. The only way to completely prevent a hangover is eliminate the ethanol from a spirit.

Sounds easy, right? Ethanol-free vodka for everyone! Here’s the problem. Without ethanol, there is no spirit. Alcohol = ethanol. Bragging about not having ethanol in your vodka is like Flight of the Conchords touting the end of the unethical treatment of elephants because there were no more elephants.

You’re probably thinking, “Hey, Colin. You’re the Boozist. Why don’t you just get a bottle or twelve and drink them this weekend? You know, for science.” And this is why I like you. Unfortunately, although Short Round claims this koryo liquor is already world renown, having won multiple international awards, it’s not available outside of North Korea. Funny how that works out, right?

So what’s really going on with this hangover free alcohol? Ginseng. Yep, that stuff you’ve primary heard about for boner pills is in Koryo Liquor. And while it might be able to eliminate whiskey dick, it’s not going to prevent a hangover. That’s not to say there isn’t some benefit to it though. Gingseng helps the body process alcohol faster, which can lessen the potential of a hangover. It’s sort of like chuggin a glass of water for every alcoholic drink you consume. No, you’re not hungover the next day, but you never really get drunk and spent half the night in the bathroom. You might as well have saved your money and drank less booze instead.

I wish I could have brought you good news from The Supreme Leader, but sadly it’s yet another lie. There is no hangover free alcohol. There’s only one way to prevent a hangover… the Ron Swanson method.

Colin Joliat is the brains behind this rinky-dink operation. He covers the alcohol industry with two parts information, one part comedy, and one part WTF is wrong with this guy. He's written for Brobible, Guyism, Thrillist, CoolMaterial, Craft, and more.

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