My point was simply that when you get married, there's really no more this family and that family. It's family.

There's his family, my family, our family.

Say there is a problem or delicate interpersonal situation with his mother. I do not ever raise the issue with her. I raise it with husband, he raises it with his mother. Similarly, if my SIL has an issue with something I am doing, she raises it with my husband, who raises it with me.

If the problem is with my father, then my husband raises it with me and I address it with my father. And so forth.

Failing to observe these in-law conventions causes all sorts of trouble.

No, I think Cindy has it right on this issue. I have learned over many years that people are not anxious to listen to to criticism unless they are already know the issue. Furthermore criticism should come from someone you are extremely close to (mom, sister) or from someone not close to you at all (boss, therapist).

The biggest family problems occur when someone close, but not extremely close, makes a suggestion when the listener is not ready to hear it.

No, I think Cindy has it right on this issue. I have learned over many years that people are not anxious to listen to to criticism unless they are already know the issue. Furthermore criticism should come from someone you are extremely close to (mom, sister) or from someone not close to you at all (boss, therapist).

The biggest family problems occur when someone close, but not extremely close, makes a suggestion when the listener is not ready to hear it.

I'm not disagreeing at all; not making a comment on her method. I'm reporting ours.

It takes a certain kind of person in America in the Year 2012 to be willing to listen to criticism: too many people disregard it or take offense, rather than see it as an opportunity for improvement. So it goes.

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To Praise, To Bless, To Preach--the Dominican Order

No, I think Cindy has it right on this issue. I have learned over many years that people are not anxious to listen to to criticism unless they are already know the issue. Furthermore criticism should come from someone you are extremely close to (mom, sister) or from someone not close to you at all (boss, therapist).

The biggest family problems occur when someone close, but not extremely close, makes a suggestion when the listener is not ready to hear it.

I'm not disagreeing at all; not making a comment on her method. I'm reporting ours.

It takes a certain kind of person in America in the Year 2012 to be willing to listen to criticism: too many people disregard it or take offense, rather than see it as an opportunity for improvement. So it goes.

It's not about criticism, necessarily. It's an interpersonal relations thing that goes much deeper than that.

Say Mr. Sphinx's mom would like to come visit the grandchildren. She tells us she will be here one week. Say I feel like that visit is too long.

It would be a very bad idea for me to call Mr. Sphinx's mom and tell her four days is the max. The reason is that it would cause any insecurities to bubble up more than if Mr. Sphinx made that call. He knows the best way to phrase the "suggestion." She would feel most comfortable voicing her feelings to her son in whatever way she always has.

I'm not saying it always has to be this way. I do think sometimes people fail to recognize just how sensitive even small things can be in in-law relations. Especially once grandchildren arrive.