Here’s The Truth: If He Actually Missed You He Would Do Something About It

I know that sometimes, you think that you should reach out to him again. So much time has passed, and you realize how long it’s been since you were in each other’s lives. Maybe it’s nostalgia, maybe it’s loneliness, maybe you genuinely just miss him. So you reach out. You ask how he’s been. He tells you he’s been great, that everything has been good. You tell him things have been the same for you.

Then he says it. “I miss you.”

And despite how much you wish you didn’t, you feel that feeling rise up in you. You feel your heart race, and you can’t help but smile, even just a little. It feels nice to know that he misses you, too. That you’re not the only one who still revisits the memories from time to time. That you’re not the only one who thinks about wanting to make more of them. You say you want to see him, and he agrees. Yet the next day comes and goes. A week, or two passes and just like that, he’s gone again.

When you reach out, and you call him out on it, he has his excuses all lined up. That he’s busy. That he’s been working hard. That he was nervous. That he really, really wants to see you, it’s just not a good time right now.

Let me tell you the truth; he doesn’t really miss you. Because if he did, he would actually do something about it.

We all want to be missed. We like the idea that someone who was so important to us and affected us so strongly thinks about us and wants to reach out. We hope for it, even more, when it’s someone that we miss, too- we don’t want to be the only ones. So to stop ourselves from facing rejection, we let ourselves buy into the lies they give to us- because it’s easier to stomach the idea that he’s busy, not that he doesn’t think about you. It’s easier to think he is dying to find a way to see you instead of the idea that he doesn’t care to follow through. You convince yourself that maybe if you try a little harder if you keep reaching out, then eventually they won’t be able to get you out of their heads. That they will finally see what they’re missing.

Yet it’s time you finally admit to yourself the thing you’ve been avoiding.

It’s time to admit to yourself that he doesn’t miss you, no matter how much you wish he did. It’s also the time to let yourself know that it doesn’t matter. That the fact that he doesn’t miss you doesn’t mean you’re not someone worth missing.

Honestly, there are going to be people who affect us in such overwhelming ways in our lives, and it’s hard to imagine not being that kind of presence in their lives as well. Yet some people just don’t realize what they have. Some people just don’t realize the opportunity that is right in front of them- and that’s not your fault. That’s not something you need to feel sorry for. It means he had a chance and he missed out- and it looks like it’s a good thing he did because you are worth more than that.

You are someone whose value isn’t lessened just because some guy doesn’t get off his butt and actually make an effort. Any guy who isn’t willing to make an effort to see you isn’t someone who you should be obsessing over. You know you deserve more than that. Because you have so much to offer this world, and you deserve someone who will recognize it. You deserve someone who, when he is given a chance to revisit or make those memories with you, he’s excited to do just that. You deserve someone who will look at you and know the wonderful thing they have in front of them.

So stop wasting your time, thoughts, and energy on someone who claims to miss you, only to let you down. Because if he really did miss you, he would do something about it.

Creativity can strike at any moment — make sure you’re prepared for it.

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Over the past few years, Brianna Wiest has gained renown for her deeply moving, philosophical writing. This new compilation of her published work features pieces on why you should pursue purpose over passion, embrace negative thinking, see the wisdom in daily routine, and become aware of the cognitive biases that are creating the way you see your life. Some of these pieces have never been seen; others have been read by millions of people around the world. Regardless, each will leave you thinking: this idea changed my life.