Even though this thread seems to have wound down, I though I'd interject with the idea of addressing part of the initial question:

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Is a computer game with a character with "stats" an RPG? (Zelda?)

If anyone is curious to see how far CRPGs have gone away from the Zelda, Phantasy Star, Lightning Force model (which Jack rightly question if there'd be any question about it being an RPG at all if you stripped the fantasy trappings from them), take a good look at Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind.

Its very firmly Simulationist. It also goes farther than any other CRPG I know to have the players choices have real impact. I've only scratched the surface of the game, but I can already see how my choices to be an honorable knightly heroic type have altered the way the game interacts with me. Individuals who would have been my stalwart supporters and contacts if my character had been a more "thief" / "underground" oriented character are now mortal enemies. They started entirely neutral and disinterested in me. My own choices as to who I'd be friends with and what "missions" I'd accept have caused the world to change in ways far more advanced than even Baldur's gate (and I suspect NWN).

Anyway...I was impressed by it...its the first CRPG I've ever played where I felt I was actually role playing and not just leveling up.

Interesting, but I still don't think of CRPGs as RPGs, even after what you've just described with Morrowind or whatever it's called. It's a lot like racing, you see. Foot racing and horse racing and NASCAR. The object in each is similar, to be faster than the other guy, but the means and skills to do so are very, very different. Therefore, I consider a CRPGs it's own animal, regardless of how close they come to replicating or even exceeding the tabletop experience.

The only one I will alow is on-line chatting being used for gaming where the computer is essentially the dinner table around which everyone sits. In that case, it's not the computer that makes it happen so much as the computer is just a tool to fascilitate play. Otherwise everyone would either have to commute or write letters. Or such is my view on it.