Monday, May 02, 2005

"Move Outta The Sticks, Fellas."

Here comes the BIG NEWS, everybody.

Jere, aka me, is moving.

To old New Amsterdam.

Metropolis.

Gotham.

The Big Apple.

Or as they referred to it in Ghostbusters, "New York City."

Here's the deal. Last October, I left Danbury, CT, to "temporarily" live with my sister and her four kids, a few miles north, in New Milford, CT (where mullets still thrive). So, technically, I've been in Litchfield County these last few months, making the description of this blog a lie (edit: meaning the "old" description that said I was in Fairfield County). I AM in NESN country, BUT, the cable system here chooses not to carry it. I could get a dish here, but I knew I'd be leaving a month into the baseball season, and my sister's kids don't need hundreds of channels, so it wasn't a viable option.

This is why you may have noticed that A. I've been going to NYC a lot lately, as Chan and I have been scouting out neighborhoods, and B. I've been at my parents' place a lot--where they actually get NESN, and there aren't four LOUD (especially when I'm tryin' to sleep) children.

Why didn't I tell my loyal readers about this? Well, I don't care if you stalk me, in fact, I could use the attention, but there was no way I was gonna put my sister and these four rug-proverbial-rats in any danger that might come from that one psycho who might be figuring out where I, and they, live. (I can tell you this now because she has already sold this house. We'll both be movin' on up. Me to the very same "East Side" referenced in The Jeffersons theme, and she and the kids down toward the CT shoreline.)

Also, admitting that you live in New Milford is like tattooing "HICK" across your face.

The other day, I was stuck behind a dude in a pickup with a "Follow me to Hooters" bumper sticker. Also, he kept spitting out the window.

At that moment, I knew I was gonna pull a Baltimore Colts and pack up one night and bolt for Indy--which in my case is New York City. Well, that's an exaggeration. I've been planning this for quite some time.

Anyway, in few days, I'll be down there. It will be gold. There's a Mets bar a block away from our place, and they show the Sox, they told me. So I'm good there. Hope they don't mind me buying nothing more than, like, one Coke per night. And there's also the Sox bars, which are all short subway rides away. As is everything in the city. I'm so psyched!

Okay, I have to interrupt this. Another triple?? I'm watching this game on the ridiculous "Gameday," and every Tiger player must have at least one triple! And we just had bases loaded, no out, with Trot, Manny, and Ortiz coming up, and we didn't score! God f'n damn!

Alright, so, yeah, I'm a New Yorker. That is so freakin' weird.

So I lived in New England for just about 30 years, and never got to regularly see New England's only baseball team. Such a travesty. I had to move to the home of the yanks to finally see the Sox. (My mom also pointed out that I'm the only person to ever move to New York City for some peace and quiet--referring to these lovable but CONSTANTLY SCREAMING nieces and nephews of mine.)

We just left two more runners on. This game is killing me. I'm glad I'm not actually seeing it. Oh crap! According to the little Gameday map, Ortiz' inning ending fly out was to the wall. The reason I say Gameday is ridiculous is because I'll be watching, thinking there's one out, then I see someone get out, and the inning will be over, because they DIDN'T TELL ME about the second out! Blaine Neal just entered the game. He's now thrown five straight balls. Six. We've left 10 on base as a team through six. Our hitters have left a total of 21 runners on. Do not lose this game, Red Sox. As I wrote that, the score went from 3-3 to 5-3 them. So, despite that Gameday didn't actually say anything and the bases are now empty, it must have been a two-run homer. I hate Gameday and I hate frustrating Red Sox games.

And that's the story of Jere moving to New York.

[Edit: The yanks just won. Reading the descriptions of their scoring plays, I see words like, "Bunt," "Error," (twice), "soft line drive" (twice), and "sacrifice fly on fly ball in foul territory." Those cheap shitheads. Same old, same old. This is going to be a Sam-filled week, as the Red Sox have three more against female Sam's Thigh-gers, and the yanks have three more against male Sam's Doctor D-Rays. Tonight, you both failed. The Sox had six different players strand 4 or more runners. I guess I shouldn't have expected a win with Jeremi on the hill, but come on, we should have scored about 15 runs tonight. Terrible.]