Tag Archives: single

I’m that friend. The woman in the group whose’s stereotyped into, her career comes first, her life comes first. Finding a man, having kids is not happening anytime soon.

I hate this stereotype. I feel like society sets this up and I feel like I let it happen. I let it affect me and I feel like most women in my shoes do the same as well.

We feel guilty, alone and like we don’t belong at times. Like we’ve been branded an outside.

Just because I don’t want a boyfriend in this moment doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely. I don’t sit in my room and miss having someone there with me. But there’s also that voice in my head that reminds me I’m too busy to give someone everything they want and relationships a year ago were an addiction, the way I tried getting over the past and those who’ve hurt me.

So yes I’m taking my time, yes I’m not looking for anything serious.

Do I still feel out-of-place? Most of the time. Do I worry everyone will pair up, family will pass away and I will be wishing I had someone? Yes everyday. But I try not to think about. That’s all I can really do. Wait for that right person to enter my life, even if I’m not sure if that will really ever happen.

Would it be sad if I never found the one? A little. But I can say at this point in my life I’m a strong woman. I love my life, I love my poetry, I love the idea of my future and I couldn’t be happier.

Here’s to being single, people judging me, giving them the bird and mouthing, “fuck you.”

Last night and tonight I have been celebrating getting published a second time (two poems) as well as winning American Poets prize at my college. So lots of drinks and one step closer to being done with my undergrad.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do after graduation. Sure I’ll be working back at my old high school as a speech coach. But damn I’m dying for the idea of MFA. Then I’m worried and nervous about the idea because everyone makes the idea so insane and difficult. I’m not sure if I’m meant for it. But deep down I’m craving for the idea of it.

We shall see.

Dating is well non-exist and I like it to be that.

This one younger guy in town likes me and has been speaking to me but he’s all over the place. Drinks a lot, doesn’t have friends, play video games and plays these weird ass games. He’s a mature person in moments and then a young immature child a lot of the time. I was thinking about having a quick roll in the hay but the more I think about it the more I’m like ehh. For example he likes to pull this stunt of, “well I won’t contact you until you talk to me first.”

And I’m like are we in middle school again? Plus I think its insulting to me as a person to feel the need to play games with me. Also he needs to learn to groom his beard too.

At this point these little things are just not ok anymore and I want more. I deserve more than games, pride and lack of maturity.

Each night as I’m falling in sleep I whisper in between the eyes no longer staying open and the breathing settling down I say aloud, “I’m falling in love with myself.”

I don’t want anymore and I’m very content. But I know this will not make a few people very happy that I feel this way but those who don’t understand are men I shouldn’t be with.

I’m so restless at the moment. I need to stretch, shake off the molting and expand my wings.

I did one of these awhile ago. I will admit these can be rather trivial, silly and a bit sexist in certain aspects but sometimes a girl just has to set a few rules and expectations.

For most of my young adult, which hasn’t been that long yet I have been silly with the qualities I’m looking for in a man, until recently when I was like, “UGH I”M SICK OF ALL THIS!” (I will purpose the sexist cliché idea that I am bitter and on my period right now.”

(These are blunt, honest and I’m not sorry)

No drugs. I’m over the pot smoking, ecstasy and lines of “nose candy” bullshit. You once smoked, fine I don’t care and understand I have a terrible addiction to Dr. Pepper and the TV Show Grey’s Anatomy. We will have our vices, but I’m over dealing with men that use substances to create art, to have fun or to basically get through the day.

Drinking too much. Look I’m a fun gal, I get drunk, I enjoy it, shit I write everyday and sometimes a glass of wine is needed. But hearing someone is drinking everyday, three beers a day. I’m sorry but its a turn off. I don’t need to get drunk twice a week. Shit barley once a month to have the craving of, “I wanna get wasted.”

Using the word “Ghetto.” I’m over it and done.

Not supporting my right of choice. Look if you don’t believe in it, fine that’s your freedom but don’t expect to date me.

Grammar correction. Over it. I get it you notice when people have spelling mistakes or grammar issues. You need to get a life and worry about your own language and the lack of quality within it.

A man who enjoys cooking, because I’m going to blunt and honest. I don’t cook and I don’t have the patience for it. So it would be lovely to date a man who enjoys cooking.

Has a car: for too long have a been the one in the relationship driving us everywhere

Who will pay for dinner. Look I’ll buy too but for too long have I been the sole provider of meals. Over it.

Dresses like their age.

No racist, sexist, homophobic comments

I hate “no homo”

Calling another women a bitch, slut, the over million derogatory terms is not ok. If you think about other women like that then how should I expect you to picture me or women in my life.

Saying things about me like, too fat, too thin. I’m tired of the too much or the not enough.

If they are in love with an art form, oh gosh that be lovely. I haven’t date many artists. More the frat boys, the runners and a few choir boys.

I love when someone has future goals and aspirations but whats more attractive is when someone actually achieves their dreams and goals. I’ve dated too many men that have spat on about “going back to school” “getting that place to live” blah blah blah Stop talking and go out and get what you want.

I hate, I HATE when a guy asks me why all my poetry is so angry. Gosh that’s so rude.

Have a passion and love it to pieces

Don’t dislike the TV show Friends. Regardless if you’re a fan or not. It’s such a red flag when you have such a hate for it. What did the TV ever do to you? Oh that’s right you must not have a soul.

Turn off #1 when a guy says, “I hate books.” I’m fine if you’re not a fan but if you can’t tell me one book you enjoyed reading, like Harry Potter even…then we have a problem!

When men post pictures of naked women on their Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or anywhere! Ugh I hate it. Nasty.

Not having a career

Too much video game playing. I don’t mind the video game playing here and there but when that’s all you do…I’m sorry just not going to work for me.

They have their own set of friends and spend time with them. I think of it as a red flag when a guy really just goes to work, home and well that’s it. They have no one else in their life.

Talking down to me

Acting like you are Gods gift to art, ugh I know a few of these boys in my workshops *yuck*

When men use the phrase “ugh i hate academia” First of all if you’re using academia you are in academia. And whats wrong with the pursuit of education, but that’s going to be another post

My poetry has been rather frustrating lately. Not the poetry’s fault, but I do blame all my class work and certain events that have taken place that have really put a damper on my work. Which sucks because I have a huge contest deadline on Thursday and I’m not too happy with the product I have right now. I haven’t had a lot of people willing to go through my stuff and I haven’t had the time to write and it’s very much effecting my moods. Lets hope this mood goes away soon.

I had to deal with some assholes last week. The mens club that goes on without the poetry community is one of the worst ones out there. No my name is not baby and you’re a pig for not only performing drunk, for thinking your shit is gold but especially for rubbing up against women. (More on this later maybe.

(SCHOOL IS A BITCH AND A HALF)

I must confess I have been struggling with posting this last week and I have so much to say now I feel like this post may be rather too long but FUCK IT!

The one that wants to be the fuck-buddy emailed me a second time and sent me a friend request. GO AWAY! He has been nothing but drama in my life and I don’t need any more of that in my life.

Virgin Cornfield guy called me out of the blue tonight. Which was funny because I was crying. He told me I could come over lay down and just fall asleep, you know get away. Which I was rather tempted to, because comfort right now is something I’m dying for, but i know this is something I need to get through without needing someone. Plus he’s not the guy I want comforting me.

THAT guy (the one I really like right now) seems to have stop speaking to me. I know I could be over doing it, so what if he hasn’t text me in three days. This wouldn’t be a problem, but the fact that he’s bailed so many times before this just worries me even more. He just has promised so much these last few days and out of no where just kind of stopped speaking to me. I’m so sensitive to stuff right now and this is just going to drive me rather crazy, especially since we kissed the last week. For all I know he’s changed his mind. (Not sure what to do)

The hardest thing to deal with at the moment…my kitty cat back at home in California is not doing so hot. She’s 20 years old and she’s been my bestest little friend for these last 20 years now. My mom keeps sending me these cute little texts and stuff, like they took her into the vet today and my mom texts me she’s a tough old cat and a fighter. I don’t think she’s going to be around much longer, but if I am to be honest I rather not be home when she decides its time to go. I know I must sound rather silly, because some people don’t care for cats every much or think well it’s only an animal.

But I don’t think it’s silly. She’s my best friend, she was there when my doggy was hit by a car, she was there during the moments I felt so stupid and struggled each time in school. She was there after each break ups. She was always there and she’s always been there for me. It’s hard to think I won’t have that little cat in my corner for much longer. She’s the last of my childhood pets and my God I’m going to miss her to pieces when she’s gone and I think that may be happening pretty soon. (I’m Praying for you Kitty cat) I wish I could give her one last hug, but she knows I love her.