This morning it's time to be real. That shouldn't be as scary as it is, but it makes you/me wonder how much of what you see in others is actually real. What's a show and what's not? My brother recently stopped getting on Facebook, traded in his smart phone for a CELL PHONE (remember those?), and he said it's been liberating.

I'm not thinking about doing any of those things (what am I, CRAZY?), but in the same vein, I've felt myself doing too much comparing lately. Comparing my photography to other people's, comparing my business model to the photographers I admire, and realizing how frustrating and what a waste of time that all is. I've been looking at successful people and figuring out what THEY did to be that way. And I don't think that's a bad thing, but I've been worrying lately if I'm taking that too far. If what THEY did, could ever work for me.

Some jobs are very simply laid out. Go to school, get this degree, apply for job, interview, get hired. Someone hands you the road map from the beginning and you just chug along. That's the way teaching was. There weren't a plethora of options on how you become a teacher. You follow the protocol.

Running a business, there is no protocol. There is no one way to do it. There are a lot of wrong ways and a lot of right ways. So you go through a lot of trial and error. You hear a lot of different success stories.

I've been feeling lull-ish. And that's hard to say because it's not like I haven't been busy. There have been plenty of weddings, engagement sessions, etc. to keep me "busy." But I keep feeling like I'm waiting on something. Waiting for this explosion in my business that isn't going to happen unless I do something different.

At this point, I feel like you're waiting for some grand announcement. There is none. This is more a purging of feelings. I think it's important that if this blog is to truly be personal, I share the lows with the highs. And lately I've been in a mental low, just trying to figure out if I'm doing things "RIGHT." Looking for whatever inspiration I'm subliminally seeking. Honestly, I thought I'd be further along in my business by now, and it's discouraging not to be. I compare myself to others and wonder why I'm not as successful. Or if they're really as successful as they appear. That's just the truth of what I'm feeling. And as difficult as it is to say, I trust you, blog reader, to simply appreciate the humanity in that.

I've definitely thought about making some drastic business changes. I've also thought about changing nothing at all because maybe I'm not being patient enough. Part of my problem with teaching is that I ignored the little voice inside me for seven years, telling me this wasn't what I should be doing with my life. That the thing I REALLY wanted was yet to come, I just needed to be patient. I don't want to ignore that little voice, but I don't want to be rash either. So here I am.

For now I'll walk the tightrope. I'll brainstorm some big changes for 2015. I'll appreciate the good that I currently have. I'll be thankful that my personal life is so good that I have the ability to plant new seeds and grow my business in new ways or even just wait for old seeds to finally take root. Okay, I definitely took that metaphor too far, but hopefully one of you gets what I'm saying. Hopefully, I'm not the only one who doesn't have it all together.

I love blogging. LOVE it. It's where I share my favorite images and my most personal stories. Blogging isn't for everyone, but I've been doing it for 15 years now, so I think it's safe to say the internet has become my diary. Enjoy the ridiculous run on sentences, overabundance of adjectives, and some pretty pictures too!

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