2. Did cruelly and wontonly breach his promise of marriage to a Miss Pirgella of Portsmouth, him being a bounder and a cad;

3. Did leave the establishment of a Madam Fifi without settling his account in the amount of 50 pounds as agreed prior to his accepting services provided by or on behalf of the said Madam Fifi and furthermore that he did attempt to pay this account prior to his making off in haste with brass dubloons, thus bringing the Scurvy Fleet into disprepute by the use of inferior counterfeit coinage; and,

4. Was found sober whilst serving as a member of a raiding party on the London warehouse of the West Indian Over Proof Rum Company.

Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

Captain Jack: Mr Bailiff! Take Griffin outside the court and give him some weevil bag throwing lessons. I will not have disruption of the court by inaccurate throwing from the hecklers. Now, Mr Bart, again, how do you plea?

Oz-Nick quietly enters the court with a suspicious looking 25 punder sized package under his arm. He carefully avoids the piercing gaze of Captain Jack and takes a seat at the rear of the gallery.

One of the sentries gives Nick's package a worrisome look, but then sees the expression on Nick's face and decides that discretion is the better part of valor and he isn't being paid enough to raise his concerns. Upon reflection he realises that he isn't being paid at all and during a brief commotion when two of the jury argue over who's turn it is to use the bucket to draw some of Meromorph's grog he makes a quite exit.

Captain Jack takes a draught from his cask and tastes it. He gives a noticeable sigh of approval and waits for Bart to enter his plea.

Captain Jack wavers between the Beef Vindaloo and the Chicken Tikka Masarla, and mutters "what the heck, Ill have both". As he dips some naan bread in the vindaloo and takes a taste he thinks to himself this trial appears to have gotten off to a very good start! Then he takes another sip of his grog.

Brenda McTavish spies a lovely piece chicken tandoori and wrestles Juror Jones to the ground. Locked in fight for the spoils, Brenda prevails giving the juror a blackeye. Brenda is returned to the character witness bench.

Things were indeed looking bad for Black Bart!

Things get even worse when the first witness for the defence Black Spot is called to give evidence.

'Please state your name', calls the defence attorney. 'YArghh I be Black Spot.' Please state your occupation 'YArrrr, ey be an evil murderin cutthroat varmint and that's only when Oi be playin soccer' said Spot.

â€œTo long grunted Spot, he was in me boarding party when I ambushed Capâ€™n Cronanâ€™s ship off Trinidadâ€

â€œHow did he get on your shipâ€

â€œHe was me shipâ€™s cook as me last cook was fed to the sharks for poisoning me parrotâ€

â€œPlease answer the question Mr Spot, how did he actually get on your shipâ€

â€œyer varmint, Iâ€™ll have yer fer talking ter me loike thatâ€

At that point The Black Spot lept over the balcony and jumped on top of Black Bartâ€™s defence attorney. Several swipes of his cutlass later and Black Bart was now looking for a new lawyer.

The case was adjourned by the judge to allow Black Bart to acquire new legal representation. What else could possibly go wrong for Black Bart.

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Griffin returns to court with excellent throwing skills. Throws bag of white flour at BBart which explodes in mid-air just above BBart's head effecting a drastic effect on Bbart's Grecian 2000 look.

Captain Jack misses the action and enquires why the scurvy character with the strange white hair is in his court. Orders a body seacrh.

Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

I put it you...er...Griffin I believe is how you like to be known...that you were a bad influence on my client from the start. Did you or did you not encourage my client to indulge in cullinary activities and to neglect his duties as a Pirate?

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

Captain Jack: this trial is not about my character. Please strike that question from the record.

In so far as it may concern the court, there seems to be some confusion between myself and one Lord Cap'n Treadmill QC.

Grand Deducer Watson of Sherlock. NoName, no pack drill. Astral zone changed five times a day (flexible). Great at manifesting parking spaces by thought control. Hatred of terminology of survivors and commitment to win-win reality.

...perhaps I may suggest that an intoxicating liquor may be involved. One minute the witness claims to be called Griffin and the next a certain Lord Treadmill...since when does the aristocracy go about wearing the atire of a common Pirate?

I expect that bird on your shoulder goes by the name of Lady Hamilton...

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.