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Monday, March 9, 2009

Monday, March 9, 2009

These days you can't tread too lightly when it comes to cakey depictions of holiday icons. After all, many of these age-old characters perpetuate negative stereotypes of entire people groups, and therefore risk offending said group and others.

Take, for example, leprechauns.

When I say the word "leprechaun", what comes to mind? No, wait, don't tell me. Let me guess: a short, red-haired, pasty-white man with an out-dated fashion sense, penchant for pranks, and a mentally unstable obsession with the acquisition of wealth (particularly in the form of gold).

I'm right, aren't I? Yeah, that's what I thought. [shaking head] You should be ashamed of yourself, you...you... perpetuator of negative stereotypes, you!

Fortunately, bakeries are fighting back:

See? Much better.

Not only is this multi-cultural leprechaun a conglomeration of all earthly ethnicities, he's also part alien, as evidenced by those ear-knob antennae. You can never be too non-offensive, after all, and we wouldn't want any extraterrestrials feeling discriminated against.

It's also important we fight against the "happy leprechaun" cliche. People need to realize that leprechauns have feelings, too, and sometimes those feelings aren't all shamrocks and rainbows, mmkay?

They've got layers, I tell you, layers. Like an onion. Or, I dunno...a...cake. Yeah. So maybe it's time we considered their feelings for once, hmm?

Those leprechauns are just plain wrong. The first one needs a good barber. And the second one has been eating too much catsup and forgotten to wipe his mouth. (Oh, no! Maybe it's a vampire leprechaun and it's blood. Don't want to leave out too many minorities here.)

Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. Parfaits may probably be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet!

On the second one, I can't get past the obscene blobs they used for a border...they remind me of multicolored intestines or something. The "filler" on the hat actually looks like shallots/green onions. And those eyebrows.... !!!

Now, where have I seen ears such as those on that first thing before??? Oh, yes! NOW I remember--they were on old Clementine, the cow. (She was a good old girl, that one...) So I see that as long as Leprechauns are purely legendary /mythical, or what-have-you, pretty much anything goes as far as exact descriptions and such...but, Holy sheep sheet(!!!)--that second "cake" is 100% pure pitiful. There is no imagineable excuse for its existence whatsoever. Plug-ugly! I cannot even imagine anyone paying actual money for that hideousity!!>^!!^<

thought you'd like this. i'm not sure what it is? but i think it's a diaper cake. i mean, i hope, for your sake, and the worlds. oh, and it's for st. patties day, and i'm irish and my captcha right now says gumbo and i live in louisiana. isn't that cool?

The non-titular one of the two protagonists of the Artemis Fowl books by Irish children's author Eoin Colfer is a dark-skinned leprechaun, but her hair is auburn, not carroty (leprechaun is only a profession in those books, her species is elf). Not that that excuses the first one's beard or ears, or the second at all.

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A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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