Roy Bragg

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I watched The Tonight Show, but didn’t remember F.R.T. That must’ve been when I would go to the refrigerator… Too bad his name wasn’t Floyd A. R. Turbo; it would have made funny initials that would have suited his character.

Police have been called out to an apparent riot in the tony Dallas suburb of Highland Park. This after a box of buggy whips was discovered in an old storage shed behind a small tack shop in the suburb.

Shop owners had hoped to sell the whips using a lottery system when crowds turning up in response to their billboard ad were larger than expected. The crowd turned ugly when the lottery tickets line moved too slowly to suit those in line. Shop owners had hoped to let their first-grade twins, who were practicing their new writing skills, write the tickets, but changed their minds when the riot broke out. “I’ve never seen elites act like this. There’s not been an event before in Highland Park that has aroused this much passion. We regret having had to call police and hope that photos are not posted and that our good neighbors are not embarrassed,” said one owner.

One reporter who appeared to be in the 20- to 30-year age bracket, was overheard asking a rioter, “What’s a buggy whip?” The answer overheard was, “I don’t know, but at least it’s something to invest in. I’m getting all I can. Everything else we’ve tried has turned to junk.”

We will stay with this developing story and report any new issues and developments as they arise.

Now that this thread has reached 51 posts, policy requires that I call someone is a Nazi.

Sorry NFA, but this buggy whip thing sounds a bit too S&M. Erich Fromm said S&M is part of the neurosis that gave rise to Nazism. I’m not saying you’re a Nazi, I’ll just leave it to readers to connect the dots…

A subsidiary of the Pickens energy consortium is reporting that development of an entrapment method for horse emissions is nearly complete.

The consortium noticed the degree of current interest in buggy whips and decided that emission entrapment would soon become an important adjunct industry. A hitch in developmental research has been how to install both air bags and emission entrapment devices in the same area of each horse.

“We don’t know yet what uses we will develop for the product, but if it’s gas, we want to have it,” advised a Pickens representative late Monday.

A source requesting to be unnamed, from an agri-business research council also requesting to be unnamed, advised, “We are working many hours to develop a non-gaseous oat grain to nip these emissions in the bud. The risk of inaction is to allow further increase in the growth of an intra-national monopoly over an important energy supply [gas]. Such a monopoly might use the secrets of cell division to breed huge herds of super-emitting horses. The thundering hooves from herd movements could shake our continent enough to knock California into the sea, and that state already has enough problems.

“Our statisticians and planners have calculated that with global warming, it is better not to have increases in any types of gas emissions. Such increases would offset gains made by transitioning from petroleum-based to horse-based transportation methods.”

We will stay with this developing story and report any new issues and developments as they arise.

Never understood buggy whips. We had a buggy back in my youth. Had a whip, too. I whipped the daylights out of that buggy and it never moved an inch.

Then daddy bought a horse to pull the buggy. Bought a horse whip, too. (This was before PETA.) Anyway, didn’t even have to whip the horse, at least not too hard.

Nuclear whips? Never thought of ‘em. Horse moved too slow, all we had to do to propel him through the countryside was give him an apple. Of course, we had to hollow out the apple and fill it with chili beans, but it sure propelled him.

By really stretching it, I can go from tents and camels to buggy whips–well, camel drivers use crops, don’t they?

A blog I read had, last summer for about a week, a surfeit of really bad news in most of the articles. I decided I would write a happy news article, which turned into a set of 4 fake news articles.

Taking advantage of RB’s absence and our camel discussions, I’m gonna copy & paste them in here, starting with the lead article, which I will key in as Article #1:

BUGGY WHIPS COME ROARING BACK

Buggy whips, long-time objects of derision from college accounting faculty teaching the costs and problems of holding outdated inventory, are once again viable. With the costs of oil production soaring, and with world supplies of petroleum reaching scarcity, transportation planners are looking to encourage production of buggies and therefore buggy whips.

The emergency need for buggy whips has spawned a worldwide search for supplies left over and stored at the beginning of the automobile age. The only stores of buggy whips thought to be left on the planet are being held in warehouses in Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Indiana Amish Mennonite communities, now under protection of the National Guards of those states.

“This could reprise the United States’ world leadership in exports,” gleefully exclaimed Dilbert Fauxman, Director of the National Statistical Obfuscation Institute, “as China, South Korea, and other Eastern countries struggle to tool up.”

Meanwhile, in Iran, overshadowing even the election confrontations, diplomatic protests are being planned against the rumored U.S. ‘secret weapon for world conquest.’ “This is just another Israeli/U.S. plot against our national integrity,” an Iranian anonymous source was quoted as saying.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton is launching a diplomatic counter-offensive on Voice of America to reassure the world that these buggy whips are only for the United States’ own transportation needs and that no plans are being made to develop nuclear buggy whips. U.S. President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama have issued a joint announcement that no plans are being made to obtain buggy whips for White House children Malia and Sasha Obama “until they are old enough to secure driver’s licenses.”

We will stay with this developing story and report any new issues and developments as they arise.

Sorry JT. I was cutting you some slack because you weren’t going ape for a change, but the last, unpublished post was simply pointless and argumentative. You admitted your comments were targeting a topic not mentioned in the blog or previous comments, and then you tried to spin that into some diversionary topic about a larger media conspiracy — another “out of nowhere” topic — merely for sake of trolling.

In other words, texjoe, Roy can see what IP address you’re submitting your comments from and the address is the same as the one used when you’ve commented under another alias. It’s like I explained to some hateful commenters on the article about Ted Kennedy’s death, you can call yourself whatever you want but the webmaster can see who you are – so even on this big ole internet, you aren’t as anonymous as you think you are.

“According to the ACORN web site, its members were celebrating with Perry in 2005 as the governor “signed the ‘Contract for Deed’ bill passed on May 24th. This is the culmination of over a year of campaigning by Texas ACORN.”

“You should really try coming to one of our meetings and reading our website before you dismiss us as crazy racist people. Just because we don’t agree with the idea of big government doesn’t make us bad. Get your facts straight please.”

I was going to make the same request of you. Read everything I’ve written about tea parties — I’ve been to three of them, by the way — before you post something that puts your organization in a bad light.

Sorry Michael..I used to work for a GOP candidate. I am the wrong color of skin to be at your rally…err event.

It’s this simple…the Tea Party is a bunch of angry whites who have conned a few hispanics and blacks into agreeing with them. The tea party wants unethical big business to run everything. They believe that you should have to pay to drive to work. That you should have to pay for every single channel on your TV.

That public education should never be free. They believe that you should never be allowed to rest and we should all go back to the way things were when white ranchers would come and steal from Mexican farmers and have the farmer thrown in jail when they complained or whenever the african farmhand whistled at the white plantation owners daughter and was burned alive.

No thanks…I don’t ever want to go back to that and by supporting the right, that’s who you are supporting…bigots and racists who try to hide under a “states rights” banner. No thanks…I’d rather have chips planted under my skin and my every thought monitored by the Feds than allow unethical businesses like insurance companies and banks to have even one more dime in profit.

Sorry. I was referring to the “unpublished” comments. There are some epic anger cases out there. Sometimes, their comments get published. Other times, they’re off their meds and can’t quite tap in to reality.