Such a meeting had not been possible until after the Bill was published, they claimed, because that might breach parliamentary procedure — but they couldn’t amend the proposal now because it was with Parliament. So much for consultation.

An academic soundtrack — including “comments about the lighting” — might actually turn porn into non-porn.

After the meeting, Miss Dwyer described herself as utterly flabbergasted. “The amount of research this team have put into the issue was pathetic. It hadn’t even occurred to them that someone participating in a scene might not be in a photo.

“Meanwhile, they have given no assurances whatsoever that BDSM safety material will be excluded on educational grounds. For a government allegedly interested in safety, this is a shameful omission.”

Unlike the English Parliament — where not a single elected member felt the interests of the sado-masochistic community warranted a voice — a number of politicians and lawyers have already spoken out against this proposal. Most prominent is leader of the Scottish Greens, Patrick Harvie, MSP, who said:

“Too much Scottish legislation still suffers from outdated and puritanical ‘anti-sex’ attitudes. The law should have a basic respect for the freedoms of consenting adults, and for the diversity of their sexualities.

“There are new proposals in both the Sexual Offences Bill and the Criminal Justice Bill which risk criminalising people needlessly, and I have already had useful meetings with the Consenting Adult Action Network to hear their concerns, and with the Cabinet Secretary for Justice to put the arguments to him.

“I will be meeting the Government again next week, and while I doubt that any radical amendments will gain a Parliamentary majority, I am hopeful that at least some improvements can be made.”

So what about the stipulations on shagging the proverbial dead donkey? Mindful of the offence that some vegetarians might take to simulated sausage sex, El Reg did ask a spokesman for the Scottish Justice Ministry how they defined an animal carcass. Did the definition, perhaps include meat products? Leather jackets?