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Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist

Category: Mental Health

Satisfied Customers: 5632

Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now

Kate,I realize you wont seee this post until tomorrow

Resolved Question:

Kate,

I realize you won't seee this post until tomorrow but I feel so lonely (even though I'm not alone), I thought it might help to just write you anyway. I thought it might help and certainly couldn't hurt.

Now that we are home, I feel even worse. I missed my own bed and home. But I don't feel any better. Actually I think I feel worse. I am looking forward to being alone with my daughter back in school. What I was originally afraid of (being alone), is now what I crave the most. I feel I need to sleep. I'm so tired.

It is difficult not to look at the big picture and instead break down the day or week by sections. I will try though. I don't know how successful I will be. I like your idea of giving myself an incentive to get myself to move forward. Motivation is a huge obstacle right now. However, that being said, I don't really feel like I deserve anythiing. This is the other hard part for me. I carry around all this guilt. I don't even know where it comes from.

Plus my self-esteem seems to be taking a beating right now. I feel ugly. I look ugly. I do everything wrong. I don't have enough patience and on and on and on. Why is this happening all of a sudden?

Well I will try to read for a bit and hopefully that will tire me out enough to get some sleep.

I hope you were able to enjoy your getaway some. It was good that you took some time for you and your daughter. I imagine that she appreciated the time with just you and her.

Feeling lonely is not usually about being alone. You can be in a crowd of people and still feel alone. Feeling lonely is about the perception of being alone. You feel isolated from others and feel unwanted and down about yourself.

Loneliness can be caused by a poor self esteem. You mentioned feeling very bad about yourself. That may be where your loneliness is coming from. When you feel so bad about yourself, you compare yourself to others, feel worse than them and different than they are. It isolates you and keeps you from connecting with others.

You can address the loneliness by also addressing the self esteem. Doing things that help you to feel better like volunteering (which helps the loneliness by allowing you to connect with others less fortunate than you and increases your self esteem), learn more about why you feel lonely and what keeps you from connecting with others, and focusing on the good in your life can all help. Use some of the tips we talked about from increasing your motivation to get yourself started.

This feels like an uphill battle, I know. But as I mentioned, try to take it slow. Just do some things today. Don't look at the whole picture. Otherwise, it's too easy to feel overwhelmed. One day, one hour at a time. And don't be too hard on yourself. You deserve better.

Sometimes it is ok to accept that you feel sad and allow yourself the time to cry. Pushing yourself is good, but everyone needs a day where they can just let all the feelings out and do whatever they feel. And crying is healthy to do most of the time. You may also feel overtired from your trip and need to sleep. Being tired can make it harder to control your feelings and that could be why you feel as you do right now.

Give yourself a day and see how you feel. If you still feel like this tomorrow, then you will know that it's something else causing it.

I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

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