Answering Machines

How many companies are there that do not constantly put on their answering machine:

1. “We are experiencing high volume of calls”- if it’s constantly higher than expected maybe they should update the expected?

2. “Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed “- if it constantly changes when was it stable that it has to be changed? Also why do they assume you called before and even memorized the menu options? If it’s my first time why should I listen carefully?

3. “We are currently attending other calls. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and a representative will attend to you shortly” – how do they know it’s ‘shortly’ if your place in line is 12? Do they have a software that if your place is less than 5 it’s ‘shortly’ and otherwise they take off this word? I don’t think so because all of them put the word ‘shortly’ all the time.

4. “Please let me know in a few words what are you calling about” – almost any way you are going to describe the issue will not be one of the options. The most annoying ones are those that after you yell ‘representative’ reply with “ I understand you like to speak to representative but first in a few words tell me what you are calling about?”

5. Keep the representative option till the end to make sure you listen 5 minutes to the menu options? And the worse are those that give representative option different than 0. For those who try to outsmart the system and press immediately 0.

6. Representative asking exactly for the same details you typed into the phone like account number? The number hasn’t been changed in the last 3 minutes… so maybe it was just another way to earn time before transferring you to a representative?

7. “For account balance press 1, For check transfer press 2,…….,For all other options please stay on the line” – how come I usually find myself with the “other” options?

8. If you need to talk to the answering machine shouldn’t there be one that expect different accents? Like it should ask: if you are Indian press 1, if you are middle eastern press 2, if you are Chinese press 3, if you are Hispanic press 4, for all other callers including white American, African Americans, and any other minority’s which lives in the US more than 10 years and speaks with a reasonable accent please press 4. Anyhow, The word representative is kind of long and there is no way you are going to pronounce it without your accent. Can’t they find shorter word to make it easy for accent people? ‘Anyone’ sounds much better. If you like to speak to ‘Anyone’ please stay on the line.