Snarry-a-Thon11: FIC: Order of the Phoenix, File Number: 056243Title: Order of the Phoenix, File Number: 056243 (The Case of the Family Discount)Author:gryffindorjOther pairings/threesome: Teddy Lupin/James Sirius, mention of past Harry/GinnyRating: NC-17Word count: 7,250Warning(s): (highlight for spoilers) *Possible infidelity but not between Harry and Severus.*Prompt: #029: Prompt for fic is the Snarry art Noir by _odella_.Summary: Despite Severus' misgivings Harry agrees to investigate James' boyfriend, for free.A/N: Thank you to my team of help Q, R, T and Y.

Order of the Phoenix, File Number: 056243 (The Case of the Family Discount)

"Jesus fucking Christ, Dad!"

"Oh, fuck," Harry cried out, his hand shooting to his suddenly aching mouth. He hadn't jumped back as quickly as Severus had at James's exclamation, causing the back of Severus' head to collide horribly with Harry's mouth. He turned quickly on his heel, using the guise of healing his bleeding lip to hide his embarrassment from his son.

"It's nine in the morning? Can't you save that for after business hours?" James said, sounding more annoyed than disgusted.

Harry waited for Severus to say something snide in reply, counted on it, but when he looked to Severus, he was only straightening his shirt and tie, looking thoroughly unfussed. Damn bastard was going to make Harry stumble through an apology.

"Sorry, about—" Harry stopped talking, not wanting to say the obvious which was Sorry you caught me bending Severus over his desk in hopes of a quick one before we got too busy.

"It's fine," James said, flopping down in the closest chair. "It's nothing I haven't caught you two at before."

Trying to forget the obvious, Harry moved ahead. "Why are you here? Were we supposed to get together, and I forgot?" Harry moved to go look at the calendar on his desk but James was already shaking his head.

Severus moved to sit at his own desk, giving Harry a look that said, I told you to lock the door.

Harry shook his head at him and focused on James. Best to take care one problem at a time, and James, certainly, would be the easier fix.

"Why are you here then?" Harry said, sitting on his desk. "Not that I mind you dropping in, you know that's fine, but why are you here looking so pathetic?"

"Do I really look pathetic, Dad?" James said, not quite looking up all the way.

"Yeah, like you've been cursed."

"Oh." James didn't elaborate but started running his fingers across the riveted edge of Harry's desk. Clearly there was something wrong with him, but what? It could range anywhere from his toast was burnt this morning to he lost his job and his Gringotts' vault was cleaned out along with it. James had an amazing ability to pout, always had. No matter how small or big the situation, he would be able to show the world how truly upsetting it was.

"Want to tell me what's going on?" Harry said, trying to prompt James to open up in hopes of a quick fix. Harry was half tempted to pull out some galleons, but Albus was the one most likely to borrow money, not James.

"I'm only wondering how much you charge."

"Charge for what?" Harry said automatically, he heard Severus snort from behind the Daily Prophet he was now pretending to read.

"Christ, I think I'll just hire Snape. I mean Severus." James snorted as well and rolled his eyes. "Your private investigating services."

Harry looked at James, completely baffled; James was one of the top Auror candidates at the Ministry. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Severus peering around the paper at them. "I don't understand. Why would you need us? What's going on? Are you all right?" Harry slid off the desk to move to James, but James stood from his chair and began to move around the room.

He mostly stayed in the area of Harry's desk, picking up objects at random and setting them down, as was a nervous habit of his. James kept away from Severus' desk. The immaculate side of the room was clearly off limits to James and everyone else who ever existed, including Harry.

James picked up a picture of himself and his siblings and kept his eyes trained on it. "Yeah, everything's fine, I hope. I just, I need to hire you."

"All right." Harry decided business and straightforward would be the best way to get to the bottom of this.

"How much do you charge? I was saving up for a down payment on a flat but I can use that, no problem." James looked up at his dad then at Severus.

"We charge by the hour and it depends on what we need to do. You know, if undercover work or surveillance is involved, all those can get quite expensive as they take hours of prep and execution. For anything potentially life threatening we charge more."

"It's nothing like that," James said, putting the picture down and taking out his wand to levitate a quill and spin it in circles. "Don't expect you'll need more than a good Disillusionment Charm to get this done."

"Then why can't you do it? You're still in training but I know you can do that. Or is it something you can't do because you could lose your job?" Harry still felt lost as to what James wanted.

"No. I mean, I've tried, but I don't have the time. And I'm pretty sure it's when I'm at work. You know?"

"No James, I don't know. So out with it," Harry said, his patience wearing thin.

James looked straight at his dad, staring at him with his bright blue eyes. Later Harry would realize the complete heartbreak in those eyes and feel wretched about it, but right now he didn't see it. "I want you to see if Teddy is cheating on me."

Severus' paper crackled behind Harry as he gave up acting like he wasn't listening and put the paper down. Harry gaped at James like a guppy then closed his mouth after he realized. James firmly turned his back to them, pretending to be very interested in the drapes framing the window behind Harry's desk. Harry saw his shoulders twitch and he prayed to god his son wasn't crying.

"Teddy's not cheating on you, it's not possible. He loves you," Harry said reassuringly.

"Right, and Mum claims she still loves you but look what she did," James said casually but Harry knew that was an act if he'd ever seen one.

Harry walked over to James and put his arm around him. "It's not the same thing," he said.

"It's not? How so?" James said, his eyes shining, his voice tight.

"She loves me or loved me or whatever, because of you kids, I assume. Because we have a family together."

"Great. If that's the only surety for everlasting love, children, then I'm totally fucked. Because as often as we shag, I doubt Teddy and I will ever make a baby." James turned his head away.

"James."

Both Harry and James turned quickly at Severus’ voice. He never intervened with Harry's children, he had a clear They are not my spawn policy, and only later, when he and Harry were alone, would he give his delicate opinion or rather make his cutting remarks.

"Come, sit." Severus indicated at the chair in front of his desk. James looked at Harry like he had just been invited to cross the river Styx and was desperately curious but scared as all fuck to go. Harry nudged him forward; it would be all right, he hoped.

James, who suddenly looked a little pale, sat down and firmly clasped his hands in his lap.

"Now," Severus began, "if this is truly something you would like us to investigate we need clear details and facts. You have to be clear headed." Harry looked at Severus and gave him a grateful smile. He also felt his face heat up. He loved when Severus went straight at it, no-nonsense, ready to evaluate and solve the puzzle.

"What evidence do you have to suggest your partner has been unfaithful to you?" Severus took out a fresh casebook and tapped his quill, readying it to take notes as he questioned James.

"Well…" James worried his bottom lip as he tried to answer.

Harry sat down next to him and patted him on the knee. "Go on, Jamie."

"He's been working late nights. More than usual, I mean. It's not uncommon a couple nights a week but now it's maybe every night."

"All right," Severus said. "How would you know this? You, no doubt, have a taxing work schedule."

"I do. More than his, and he's never home when I get there. Always shows up an hour or so later. Cursing work but looking happy anyway."

"Perhaps he's only happy to be home and not for any other reason," Severus suggested.

"No, when work is complete balls I can tell. It's written all over his face."

"What else, besides work?" Severus said, looking intently at James. James avoided his eyes, afraid of Legilimancy most likely. But Severus never did such a thing. Well, never on clients.

"He'll disappear on days off. He used to have weekends off but now all of the sudden he claims work. Seems almost upset when I say I have some free time, like…like he'd rather be somewhere else."

"Any rumpled clothes or scents not his own?" Severus asked.

"Only once, it was sweet. Like perfume." At this answer Severus quirked a brow.

"Not another man, then."

"Right," James said, and Harry saw him swallow hard against the lump that must have been growing in his throat.

"Anything else?"

"You know we've been planning on buying a flat for ages. Once I'm done with training. We've both been pretty excited to get out of the tiny place and suddenly he's not excited. Won't talk about it anymore. Won't look at flats. Always telling me 'not now' or 'we've got plenty of time'."

"May I ask you a personal question, James?" Severus said.

"Is it important?"

"I think so."

"OK."

"You mentioned that you and Mr. Lupin have an active sex life. You've considered that if he's otherwise engaged elsewhere then he can't come home to you and be as active? The body has its limits."

"Merlin." James rubbed his forehead with his hand. "I didn't know the question would be about that."

"When I said personal, you surely didn't think I was wondering how you took your tea," Severus said.

Harry patted James' knee once again. "It's all right, Jamie. I know you have a sex life and later Severus will Obliviate me if you'd like."

James half-smiled reluctantly. "Thanks, Dad. To, er – answer your question, it's still what most people would consider a lot, but, like I mentioned, with him being suddenly so busy, the number has decreased. Besides, how can that matter? If he was worried about me being suspicious he could take a potion on his way home or something and be ready to go within minutes."

"Right, there is always that," Severus remarked dryly and Harry knew he was thinking about their own experiments with such potions.

"I have to get back to work," James said, looking at his watch.

"Don't worry about the money, James. We'll do this for free," Harry said, standing with his son.

"What? No. I don't want pity or anything," James protested.

"No, you're family," Harry said back. "Right, Severus?"

"I wasn't aware there was a bloody family discount," Severus said through clinched teeth.

"Well, there is now," Harry replied with a glare at Severus. "Keep the money. You'll need it for your flat. I'm sure this is just a misunderstanding between you and Teddy. You'll see."

"Thanks," James said, sounding emotional again. He hugged Harry briefly and went quickly from their office.

Harry watched his son go, his heart breaking in pieces for him. Teddy…wow, he never would have thought. Actually didn't think, but still. James didn't trust his partner and that was bloody awful.

"His fee is coming out of your pay," Severus said, bringing Harry's attention back to him.

"Like hell it is. You like James."

"I do, but he's not my favourite plague you've brought into my life. That is the only person for whom I would consider a reduced fee, at best." Severus grabbed his paper out of the bin and opened it, hiding his face from Harry.

"You would charge everyone double if you could."

"Good thing you have me. Your bleeding heart would work every pitiable charity case that came our way. You wouldn't have two knuts to rub together. I keep the Order of the Phoenix running." Severus rumpled his paper loudly, turning a page.

"You're always so practical, carrying the weight of the world on your back," Harry said, sidling around Severus's desk and pulling the paper down to bat his eyes at him. Severus looked from Harry, to his wrinkled paper, to Harry sitting on his desk, without invitation, and back to Harry's face again.

"Is there something I can help you with, Investigator Potter? This is the third time you have interrupted my reading of the morning edition of the Daily Prophet."

"Second."

"No. The first was when you must have caught me at a weak moment and convinced me that your cock felt good rubbing on my arse. The second was when your child clearly had a problem that only I could solve, and this now is the third."

"James doesn't count, he's a client." Harry smiled.

“No, clients pay for our services. Besides, you are responsible for his existence."

"It's a wonder you never had children of your own. Shit, I'm late," Harry said, hearing his watch chime. "I've got to meet with Kingsley about the freelance work." Harry jumped from the desk, dashing to get his jacket.

"I'm coming with you," Severus said, throwing his paper in the rubbish bin.

"Why? I can handle it."

"I am well aware of what Shacklebolt looks like and I am not leaving you alone with him for one second," Severus said with a smile in his voice.

They stepped to the Floo and Harry said, "Good. I wouldn't want you alone with him either."

**

"I never asked you what you thought of the whole business?" Harry said as he tossed his wet towel in a growing pile of dirty laundry.

Severus picked up his cup of tea, flicked his eyes to the pile – which he no doubt found abhorrent – and then looked at Harry over the top of it as he took a slow drink then returned the cup to the table and picked up the notes he was going over.

Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head in the same way one might do to an impish child. Severus didn't like when Harry asked vague or indirect questions. Even though he usually knew what Harry was talking about, he would refuse to answer or simply ignore Harry until the question was asked in a way that he found acceptable.

"You staying over?" Harry asked as he summoned a mug from the kitchen for his own cup of tea.

Severus looked at the clock on the mantel and said, "The hour is late enough that it should be safe."

Even though they had been together for years Severus and Harry did not live together. Severus, as much as he groused, did stay over most nights - Harry wasn't really sure the last time Severus had gone back to his flat. Severus was fond of referring to Harry's fireplace as the King's Cross of the Floo Network. Between children, godchildren, nieces, nephews, in-laws that hadn't been in-laws in years, and friends, Harry's Floo could become quite busy. It wasn't remotely a King's Cross, though. Harry had two maybe three unexpected visitors a week, but to Severus one was more than enough.

Any time he complained about their interrupted evenings, or the threat of them, Harry would just nod and smile to himself. Severus complained about it a little too much. It was his way of talking about the 'family' without appearing to dabble in something he considered himself above: gossip.

Harry knew he must have been on tenterhooks about this James and Teddy business. They’d had a busy day and had been otherwise engaged when they got back to Harry's to discuss it.

Harry was absolutely sure James was mistaken. He knew Teddy as well as he knew his other children and Teddy would never do that. Ever. There was something though, and he would never say this out loud, but he used to think the same exact thing about Ginny. Harry knew people could change. Still, James had to be wrong.

"Tell me what you think about James' visit today," Harry said, sitting across from Severus.

"That you should have locked the door."

"I meant the case."

"I know what you meant but you needed to be reminded."

A grin slid across Harry's face "I'll be sure to check the doors and windows before bed. Now, James and Teddy."

Severus sat back in his chair, crossed his legs, laced his long pale fingers together, and rested his hands on his knee. He was ready to talk. "All I need to know is that Teddy is a Lupin and that can only mean James is mistaken in some way. There is something going on here but it's not Teddy going about with someone else."

"What does that mean? Teddy's a Lupin?" This was how they worked together. One of them would tell the other his thoughts and hypotheses, and the other would ask questions, fleshing everything out until they both saw the situation clearly.

"Lupin meaning the apple doesn't fall far from the tree there," Severus replied. "Like his father before him, he's found a dark-haired sod to love his entire life and that's exactly what he's going to do till the day he dies. Also, and less important, his mother was a Hufflepuff, stupidly loyal lot."

Harry was supposed to ask a question at this point but he couldn't. He was too busy marvelling at the things he didn't know but Severus did. This happened from time to time. Something would come out about Harry's mother, once about his aunt, and many other people that Severus had known for longer and sometimes better. Harry didn't know Tonks was a Hufflepuff, but Severus would know that; he had been her professor for a few years. Severus probably knew Tonks much better than Harry ever had. Tonks wasn't the important one right now though. Remus was. More specifically, Remus and Sirius.

Harry knew about them now, of course. Before he found out he hadn't ever realized, but after Severus made what would normally pass for a casual remark (fifteen odd years ago or so), moments and conversations from Harry's youth suddenly fell into place. Of course Remus and Sirius were a couple. How could he not have known?

The details of their relationship were still very much a mystery. The only people able to tell you about them were long since dead. Severus was the best living source and even he didn’t know much. A million questions sprung to Harry’s mind but he settled on the most answerable.

"Remus and Sirius were really together that long?"

Severus shrugged slightly. "They were together at Hogwarts for a time. No, it wasn't open," Severus added quickly in response to the shocked look on Harry’s face. Even now the wizarding world could be very medieval about gay couples, and the 1970's could have only been worse. "I had no idea at the time. Now that I know that certain looks go beyond friendship, and things I heard fall into place. They were together before Black went to prison. Lupin was a complete disaster after that, for years. Doubt his cock saw anything but his hand that entire time. Like I said, he loved that bastard his entire life."

"Even after Sirius died?"

"You need me to answer that for you?"

Harry shook his head. No, he knew whom Remus had always loved. It wasn't clear to him when he was seventeen but it was now.

"So, um-" Harry cleared his throat, hoping to clear some of the tightness that had built up. Forty-fucking-six, and all these years later talking about the past and everything people had lost in their lives still ached. "What's this got to do with Teddy?"

"Loyal like a dog. I put it bluntly so your Gryffindor mind can grasp it."

Harry chuckled but he looked at Severus with appreciation. Leave it to him to use biting humour to keep Harry from being too upset.

"As for James, when it comes to certain traits, his apple doesn't fall far from the tree either. I am sure he does plenty to keep Teddy satisfied and entertained, so Teddy would have no interest in looking elsewhere."

"That leaves us with Teddy's hiding something from James, most likely not sexual. Then what?"

Severus uncrossed his legs, stood, and said, "That is what we will try to sort out tomorrow. Bed, now."

Severus offered Harry a hand and pulled him up from his chair into a firm embrace. "Please don't let this bother you," Severus said very quietly. Harry knew he wasn't talking about Teddy and James, but about the war.

"It’s okay," Harry mumbled and nodded. "Really, it is."

"Damn bloody Gryffindor. I am still trying to figure out why I'm even here with you. Emotions always at the surface, and never learning to bury them properly," Severus chided as he softly touched Harry's jaw.

Harry wiggled out of Severus' arms, grabbed him by the wrist, headed towards the bedroom, and said, "Come to bed and I'll remind you why you're here."

**

Harry landed with a grunt, his bones jarring from the impact, but he kept running. He could see them just ahead.

He couldn't risk taking his wand out, as they were still jumping across rooftops and he couldn't risk dropping it.

Just ahead, they jumped onto another roof, and within seconds Harry jumped too. Tiles shattered under his feet as he landed but he kept going.

The next roof was sloped, and Harry thanked God it wasn't raining otherwise Severus would be scraping him off the pavement.

They jumped again but this time it was a drop, and Harry couldn't see them anymore. He ran faster and skidded to a halt, swaying as he almost fell down the large gap between buildings. He could see them scrambling out of the alley. He spotted the dustbin they must have landed on and jumped for it.

Rotting fruit and vegetables trailing behind him, Harry darted out of the alley.

Where the hell was Severus? Harry wondered as he yelled for them to stop. They looked over their shoulders and kept running, dodging cars and pedestrians.

He was closer, getting closer. If he jumped he could tackle the closest one. That wasn't the one he wanted though. He wasn't the leader; that was the other one just ahead.

They turned down an empty side street and finally Harry could take out his wand. He tripped the one closest to him and tied him up, all while he kept running.

Faster and faster he ran, so hard he could hear his heart in his ears.

Where was Severus? For fuck's sake, he could really use his partner right about now.

Suddenly the man stopped as he spotted a man in a suit, a lily in his buttonhole, walking coolly towards them.

Cornered, the man turned and trained his wand on Harry…

Harry woke with a start. His heart was beating so fast that he was panting, and he could feel the blood pumping through his limbs.

Christ, fuck, it had been a dream, Harry realized, pushing his damp fringe from his forehead. No, not a dream really, more of a mix of memories.

The rooftop chase in Paris, the falling in the dust bins in Liverpool. Severus complained he smelled like rotted fruit for a week. And finally the last memory from just a few weeks ago, the capture they’d made here in London.

It hadn't been that difficult. The man had never actually pulled a wand on Harry. Harry had chased him though the alley and Severus had Apparated to the other end of the street to trap him. He’d looked so good in that suit, it…Harry realised now he was achingly hard.

He rolled to his side and pressed his hips to Severus' thigh, kissing him softly on the neck, just above his scar. Harry put his hand under the covers and slowly touched Severus' stomach with the tips of his fingers.

Severus did not move all that much when he woke up, and Harry could only tell he was awake by the hitch in his breathing.

Harry pressed his erection firmly against Severus’ leg. "Need you," Harry whispered, his voice still thick with sleep even though his heart was still beating manically.

Severus rolled to his side, kicking the heavy quilt away. The rush of cold air, especially on his still sweaty chest, made Harry shiver. The chill was quickly forgotten as Severus pulled Harry in for a kiss.

He licked and nipped at Harry's fuller bottom lip before he slid his tongue inside his mouth. Harry arched into him, the kiss making his balls ache. He wanted to kiss but more he wanted to be touched, to fuck, to come.

He pulled at the string of Severus' bottoms and pushed them down his thin hips and legs. They pooled around his knees but that wouldn't matter; this wouldn't take long. Harry held to Severus's back with one hand, fingers pressing firmly into his flesh.

Severus gripped Harry's arse and pulled him close so their cocks rubbed past each other. "Fuck," Harry groaned as the joy from the friction ran down his spine.

Severus kissed him again passionately, with force and equal want, as he wrapped his hand around their cocks. Severus moved his hand slowly as he explored Harry's mouth with his tongue. Harry moaned in frustration, snapping his hips forward, wanting it to go faster.

Severus kept the maddeningly slow pace, further frustrating Harry. Harry nipped at his tongue, urging him to hurry. God, just faster, now.

Severus chuckled in the back of his throat but he didn't move faster, just tightened his grip.

"Gonna—oh God," Harry moaned, his entire body tense, his heart still pounding in his ears. He moved faster and faster, his balls aching and ready, and oh fuck, yes, he needed to come.

Severus' cock felt heavy sliding next to Harry's. The silkiness of the skin against Harry's was hot, and god, he could feel Severus' cock pulsing along with his own. Severus moved his leg just so that his thigh rubbed against Harry's balls. Harry moaned as he felt them tighten.

Severus stroked faster and squeezed right—oh God, there, that was it. Harry called out as he came, his heart roaring in his ears as he pushed and pushed and pushed against Severus.

"God," Severus said as he followed Harry in climax, their come mixing together. Sticky, hot, and wet.

"Dream about work?" Severus murmured in the dark as their breathing slowed.

"Yeah," Harry said as he exhaled slowly, trying to catch his breath.

"Rooftop chase or the suit?" Severus asked as he pushed his fingers through Harry's hair. Stopping halfway to hold to it.

"Both. How'd you know?"

"You always wake me up when you have a dream about one of those."

It was a good thing it was dark, because even though they had been together years the honesty of the moment made Harry blush.

"Next time you wake me you should put on your braces first. I quite like how you look in them," Severus said.

Harry made a mental note of that for next time.

He began to shiver and Summoned the quilt back on top of them. Warm and sated, Harry felt suddenly very sleepy. They fell asleep with Severus's fingers still in his hair and Harry's hand still on his back.

**

"James is going to be undercover on the Isle of Man for the next two weeks."

"I'm sure he'll be by to bother us as soon he arrives back home," Severus replied.

"No, Severus," Harry said, dropping the quickly scrawled note on his desk. "This is our chance to see what's going on with Teddy."

Severus sighed heavily. "It is not. We tried that two weeks ago and got absolutely nothing. He works long hours and then goes home to your son. That's it. We saw him with a woman once and that was his boss. His post is all official and he even whistles the same tune as he thunders up to their flat every night. He makes Binns seem interesting. There is nothing going on."

"How do we know if we haven't checked all possibilities? If you wanted to keep a secret from me, you would wait till I was gone to do whatever you needed to do."

Severus laughed, loudly, almost as loudly as Harry had ever heard him laugh.

"What?" Harry said.

"You think I need you gone to keep a secret from you. Sometimes you are still so naive." Severus shook his head and clucked his tongue.

"Shut it, we're going."

The whole way to Teddy's and James' building, Severus made comment after comment about what a waste of time this was and how he couldn't believe they were spending their time on a wild goose chase, all for Harry's eldest spawn.

When they arrived at the flat, no one was home but within five minutes they spotted Teddy walking up the street. They hid across the street, pressed against each other under Harry's invisibility cloak, until Teddy was inside. Once Teddy was out of sight, they Apparated to the small back garden behind their building.

They each put a charmed ear plug in their ear, and Severus took out his wand and triggered the enchantments they had placed on the flat so that they could hear what was going on inside.

"It isn't working very well," Harry whispered to Severus.

"It's because he's alone and has no one to talk to. Listen, he's just kicked off his shoes and—"

Severus stopped right there because they both heard it: a laugh. It wasn't Teddy's because Teddy had been whistling when they heard it, but it was hard to tell much more. Harry had been right; the enchantment had gone a little faulty. It wasn't surprising. It happened all the time around magical dwellings. There was so much magic in the air that the enchantments never held long and had to be redone on a regular basis if you were watching one place for an extended period of time.

Harry pressed the earplugs harder into his ears hoping to hear more, begging the enchantment not to fail completely now.

"Can't wait to fuck you."

Harry and Severus both looked at each other, startled.

"I'm going up there," Harry said, throwing the earplugs out of his ears.

Severus grabbed him. "No, you are not," he hissed.

"And why bloody not?" Harry demanded.

"What are you going to do? Barge in on Teddy having sex with someone who isn't your son and demand to know why? How are you going to explain why you even know?" Severus held Harry by his upper arms, keeping him firmly in place.

"It doesn't matter how I know. I don't have to say a thing once I knock down that door," Harry said, trying to wrench his arms away, but damn it, for a skinny bastard Severus was really strong.

"You can't fix it by being the one who stops it. It's already done. This is none of your business."

"He's practically my son, and he's supposed to be with James, and this is none of my business how?" Harry finally wrenched his arms free and ducked quickly past Severus.

Not quickly enough because Severus caught him by the middle and dragged him to the wet grass.

"Damn it, Potter," Severus said as they scuffled on the grass. "You're fucking mad."

"I'm…mad?" Harry said as he tried to simultaneously push Severus away and grab his wand. "Says the man who tackled me."

"Someone…had to stop…you," Severus panted as he did his best to hold Harry in place.

"Stop," Harry said, coming to his senses, and stopped wiggling. "Get off. I promise I'm not going to run."

Severus, face inches from Harry's, studied him with narrowed eyes. "All right then."

Severus rocked back and sat on his heels, releasing Harry. Harry sat up and their eyes met. At the same time they both started laughing.

"We're both complete nutters," Harry said through his chuckles.

"You've driven me to point where I think it's acceptable to tackle you," Severus said with a smile.

"I'm going up there."

"Why are you being so insistent about this? It's between Teddy and James. It's not Ginny up there cheating on you."

That hurt. Harry felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach.

"That isn't what I was thinking," Harry said tightly as he stood from the grass. He didn't offer his hand to Severus to pull him up with him.

"Harry, I didn't-" Severus started.

"No. Don't," Harry said, trying to make his voice sound normal.

"I thought perhaps you didn't want James feeling foolish and forgotten," Severus said, and Harry wanted to curse him for his honesty. Yes, once very long ago Harry had indeed felt all those things and so much more. Even though he was happier now than he could have possibly imagined, it did smart every time he was reminded of what happened to his marriage.

But it wasn't about that. Truly it was not.

"I'm going upstairs." Harry did not want to discuss his motives anymore, he wanted to act. Severus hurried to catch up with him and walk beside him.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked.

"If you insist on doing this, you stupid arse, then I am going with you. You're my partner, if you recall, and I won't let you walk into anything alone."

Harry would have thanked Severus but at this moment the words would have been shallow. So he just nodded and kept going.

He didn't know what he was going to say to Teddy once he got in there. He was confused and hurt, and why would Teddy do this? Didn't he know he was ripping their family apart? And still, Harry didn't want to believe it. He thought maybe he was going to break down the door just to see for his own eyes that it was true, and then he could deal with it.

The door swung open. "What the hell?" James said, looking at the pair of them.

"Perhaps we should be saying that to you," Severus replied. James' hair was even more of a mess than usual, his cheeks were bright, and he was naked save for a small article of clothing held in front of his most private of parts.

"Why are you banging on my door demanding Teddy should open up?" James said indignantly.

"You're supposed to be on the Isle of Man," was all Harry could think to say.

"Our informant disappeared. The whole thing is put on hold. Why are you here?"

"Doing what you asked. We thought Teddy was in here—" Harry waved his hand, not wanting to say shagging or fucking or any other word like that.

"Yeah, he was, with me." James grinned. "Now, about the Teddy thing—"

"For the love of Merlin," Severus said.

"The thing is—" James looked down, trying to hide the shit-eating grin spreading across his face. "Teddy was up to something. He was working all these extra hours to get a promotion to the Sydney office. Sydney! And he didn't want to let me know because it was going to be a surprise. That's also why he didn't want a flat. He's sure once I'm a full Auror I'll have no problem getting a position there. Isn't that great?"

"Great is one word for it," Severus said.

"James? What the hell is going on? Oh, hey, Harry, Sever—Sir," Teddy said, walking into the room. "Jamie, why don’t you put on some pants so you don't have to talk to your dad with your cock and balls flopping about."

James almost turned to go but Harry was faster. He grabbed his son by the arm. "Tell Teddy what's going on or I'll have Severus tell him," he said through gritted teeth.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I was upset, I didn't know what to do, and you always know how to fix everything," James said in his best I'm still your child way.

"Thank you. Now tell Teddy," Harry said, giving his son a little nudge.

Harry walked into the flat, followed by Severus, who closed the door behind them.

"What's going on?" Teddy said, looking like he couldn’t decide to laugh or worry. Harry noticed that his hair was messy as well and that it was a violent red. A colour Harry had only seen on Teddy a time or two and only at this moment realized what it meant. God, he was never going to be able to act normal around them again if Teddy’s hair was that colour. James being naked hadn't bothered him because it was clear what it meant, but the hair colour was like a secret Harry had accidentally overheard.

"God this is embarrassing," James whinged. "Can I go put on some clothes first?"

"No," both Severus and Harry said at the same time.

"See, the thing is, Teddy," James said, actually managing to look apologetic. "You were being so suspicious and I somehow got it in my head that you were going to ditch me or something. Already found someone else. So I asked Dad to look into things for me."

"Oh?" Teddy crossed his arms and leaned against the arm of the sofa. Harry had to give it to him. He managed to look amused and not angry at all, although Harry was sure Teddy wasn't too pleased to hear this.

"Well, yeah, and I'm sorry and I was rash and stupid and God, just really sorry, okay?" James’ eyes pleaded for forgiveness.

"How much did The Order of the Phoenix charge for their services?" Teddy asked.

"Nothing. I offered but they said they'd do it for free."

Teddy laughed. "Your dad offered to do it for free, I'm guessing it wasn't a joint decision between the two of them."

Harry turned as he heard Severus chuckle behind him.

"That’s why you're here, Harry? Spying on me? Think I would bring someone back to the bed I share with James?" His tone was innocent but when Harry looked at Teddy's face he felt awful.

"I absolutely did not believe you were cheating on James. He wanted help so I gave it to him. Same as I would do for you," Harry replied honestly. "But James was supposed to be gone so we decided to come by and check. The enchantment was faulty and we heard you in here with someone."

"So you were going to come in here and do what? Defend James' honour?" Teddy said, looking genuinely confused.

"No, I was going to come in here and defend my own. I raised you better than that. You know better than to cheat," Harry replied. Yes, it would have hurt to have his son hurt but it would have hurt even more for Teddy to act in such a way.

"You did and I do." Teddy nodded firmly. "I'm sorry I wasted your time and resources. I just wanted it all to be a surprise for James and was much better about keeping a secret than I thought."

"That's okay," Harry said. "I'm sorry I didn't stay out of your business and tell James to just talk to you."

"Sorry, Teddy," James said again. Harry had never heard James apologize so much in his life. He must have really felt bad.

Everyone turned and looked to Severus next, expectant that he would follow suit. "I think Harry and I will say our goodbyes now," he said.

"Severus," Harry said. Severus just looked blandly back.

"I'm going to go put on some clothes," James said.

"No, we're going," Harry said. "You two can get back to whatever it is you were doing."

"We were just about to go out to dinner. We've finished that other bit up for now." Teddy glanced over at Severus and whispered conspiratorially, "With James you have to take the edge off before you get anything else done or he's completely useless."

For moment Harry wanted to tell his son what a right pain in the arse he had been but he looked silly standing there holding a shirt in front of his cock, and he also looked really damn happy about Teddy. He couldn't be upset. It's all he ever wanted, his kids happy.

"Anytime, Jamie."

"Next time you will pay the normal fee," Severus added as he and Harry walked out.

"Your spawn along with your ward have once again inflicted things on my life I never, ever wanted. I've wasted time and money and expended far too much energy worrying about this whole situation," Severus said. Harry could tell he was in for a very long lecture.

"You were worried?" Harry said, not sure if Severus was taking the piss.

"Of course I was worried. Not about them, about you. I loathe when you are upset. It takes away from the attention I require."

"How very giving of you to be so concerned," Harry said dryly.

"This is all such a bother I may as well move in with you so I can reconcile with the fact that they will always be a plague," Severus said, taking out his wand and Disapparating.

Harry rushed to follow him, not sure if he had heard him correctly.

"You want to move in with me?" Harry said the second after he Apparated into his sitting room.

"It cannot get much worse after the comedy of errors that happened in their flat," Severus said, sounding like he was resigned to a teeth pulling, not a live-in boyfriend. "If this is how my life is to be, I may as well go along."

Harry wasn't going to play into Severus' versions of how much of a burden this all was. Harry smiled wildly at him and said in his sweetest voice, "Welcome home, sweetheart."

Severus flushed and looked squarely at Harry. "I do not like being called sweetheart," he warned.

I LOVE dad!Harry fics, and I love Teddy. You did such a fabulous job portraying Harry (and even Severus!) as the concerned parents. I loved that Harry and Severus still bickered, loved the "mystery" of Teddy staying out late, loved the comment about Harry knowing what violent hair meant being more intimate than anything.

Forgive me while I flail madly! :D I love _odella_'s art (*points to icon*), I suggested the prompt for last year's Snarry-a-Thon, and I was over the moon that someone picked it for this go 'round.

From the opening scene ROFL to the Teddy/James and hints of R/S, Harry's dream (and sex thereafter) and Severus's calming demeanor when starting the case. I loved James standing there naked, Teddy's violent red hair, Severus's general hands off policy regarding Harry's kids. Just marvelous. I'm so glad you went with this prompt and did such a wonderful job with it. ♥

This is made of WIN! I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this. Great characterization! And I love all the little details that outline their history together. I'll be re-reading this when the fest is over.

I love Harry and Severus as a team, Harry all gung-ho and Severus cool-headed, organised and businesslike. The French farce-like interruptions and misunderstandings worked really well in contrast to the dark shadows still lurking in H&S's dreams.