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The work-life balance: Myth or not, it's worth searching for

By John Wenzel, The Denver Post

Posted:
12/17/2013 06:47:39 PM MST

Updated:
12/17/2013 06:47:42 PM MST

(Jupiter Images)

Tired of hearing about that elusive work-life balance?

You're not alone. The concept, which promotes the idea that we can find an equilibrium between our home and work lives, has seen a backlash in recent years, with some calling it a myth that leads to unrealistic expectations and stress.

But while writers and business experts debate what to call it, the fact is that most of us still need a strategy for tackling these competing demands — especially as we grow ever-more connected to our smartphones and electronic devices.

“There's power in discussing it,” said Teresa A. Taylor, a Denver-based business speaker and author of “The Balance Myth: Rethinking Work-Life Success.” “You realize you're not alone and that there can be ways through it if you share your experiences.”

Different terminology rings true with different people, but a good idea can be helpful regardless of how it's delivered.

The Smart Career

Not all of us can pick and choose our jobs, especially given the economic upheaval of the past few years. But whether applying for a new position or trading up in an existing one, finding fulfilling work can mean the difference between a stressful life and a happy one.

“When people don't like their jobs they feel this tugging back and forth, like they wish they were somewhere else,” said Taylor, a former COO at Qwest. “If you are working at something that you're passionate about, you don't feel like you're being tucked away, you can't wait to be part of the day.”

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Take control of your schedule wherever possible and manage it to your personality, whether that means changing your hours or your type of work. Do the research and find companies that value their employees, then apply for positions there.

Stuck in an unfulfilling job? Management is necessarily hierarchical, but most bosses are receptive to good ideas. Test the waters during an informal chat, then meet with your manager if you have an idea for improving your job or company — and make sure to get the credit if it's put into action.

The bottom line: If you don't like what you're doing, change it.

The Great (Virtual) Wall

E-mail and social media have become vastly more complex and integrated over the years, but they've also gotten more customizable. We may never completely escape our smartphones, but it's worth knowing there's a multitude of options for receiving and responding to the daily barrage of messages.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, change the number and type of alerts you get in the settings menu. Set specific times to check your e-mail inbox and text messages — and stick to them. If you're not needed after-hours at work, turn off your devices at night and on the weekends.

“It's about being present where you are,” Taylor said. “If you're at home with your kids, turn the phone off and focus on the kids. Your office is not going to fall apart if you're not responding that very (minute).”

Most smartphones have settings that allow emergency calls to ring through while routine ones stay silent. “Push” notifications — the sounds and vibrations that signal new activity on tablet and mobile apps — can be customized to personal tastes.

And be realistic: If you're online, you're only a click away from your larger social and professional networks, so if you don't want to feel any pressure to check them, stay connected to the real world, not the digital one. The only way to have a truly predictable relationship with your job is to be in control of the lines of communication.

“These things make us very mobile and flexible but also distracted,” Taylor said. “By the same token, when you go to lunch with someone, don't sit there texting and e-mailing the whole time without making eye contact.”

The bottom line: Don't be a slave to your devices, in any context.

Come Together, Right Now

Multitasking is overrated. Think like a boutique shop or mom-and-pop restaurant: Instead of trying to do everything at once, pick one thing and do it well. Integrate your home and work lives in a practical, sensible way.

“When you put your calendars together it gives you one life, one calendar,” Taylor said. “It allows you to look at the whole picture.”

Merging our schedules may lead to the realization that we have three or four important things happening at the same time. But that's simply a reminder that we need to make conscious choices at every turn.

“If you know you went to a meeting instead of your kid's soccer game, you know you chose that, and you can give it 100 percent,” Taylor said. “It takes away the stress of thinking, 'Oh, am I missing something? Should I be somewhere else?' ”

Different things are important on different days, so avoid drawing up a rigid plan to apply to every day of the week. Sometimes you really do have to stay at work for 12 hours. Other times, you're just defaulting to some guilt-ridden ideal of American productivity. Plus, having a rich personal life is its own virtue. It's fulfilling for you, and it humanizes you to your co-workers and bosses.

The bottom line: Be one person as much as possible, not two different people at work and at home.

Balancing Act

Here are some tips for getting more out of your home life without checking out of your job entirely, with assistance from author and business speaker Teresa A. Taylor.

Take the career home and home to work by intermingling the best skills of both. Are you a good organizer at work and horrible at home? Switch it up. You know you can do it, because you've already proven it elsewhere. Be patient when things aren't going the way you'd like, and remember that the rewards of diplomacy aren't always immediate.

Network in your personal life as much as at your job. You spend time getting to know your co-workers and boss, so why not your neighbors, children's teachers or yoga buddies? Feeling connected to your environment, whatever it may be, is fundamental to happiness.

Giving family and friends a better idea of what you do for a living helps them feel like they're a bigger part of your life. Don't be afraid to talk about your work. A little bit of explanation goes a long way toward bringing people into your world.

Place as much value on your free time as your work time.You may not be getting paid to eat dinner with your family or take your kids to the park, but it's equally smart to plan and prepare for those activities. The same prep time and effort that goes into a meeting at the office can be applied just as easily to activities at home — and usually with more lasting, satisfying results.

Protect what you've earned, whether it's a week off or a few hours of blissful reprieve. “I never respect people who brag about not taking all their vacation time,” Taylor said. “That just means you're not managing yourself very well.” Stop every once in awhile and think how you want your week, month or year to look, then strategize how to make that happen. Just because it's easy to get caught up in the rush of daily life doesn't mean it's inevitable.

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