LDR Essentials

You may have great chemistry on paper or over the phone, and absolutely none in person. Set up healthy communication patterns early in your long distance relationship. Prioritize talking with each other. It can take real effort to rearrange schedules and make time to talk, especially when things get busy or there is a time difference involved. Give each other some virtual space. Learn to ask good questions and listen well. Find new things to talk about. Most couples in a long distance relationship will go through periods where they struggle to find things to talk about apart from how their day was.

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When these seasons hit, put a bit more effort into finding new and fresh things to discuss or make it easy on yourself and check out the book below. Read, listen to, or watch the same things. So recommend books, articles, podcasts, music, movies, news items, etc to each other. If you can read or listen to some of the same things, that will help you share experiences and give you new things to talk about.

Read up on some of those stories and learn from those who have gone before. Write to each other sometimes. If you only ever talk to each other, try writing letters or long emails sometimes. Writing gives you more time and space to reflect on tricky issues, and letters and emails can become treasured keepsakes or maybe even a book in the future.

Discuss how you deal with pressure. Tell your partner how they can best help you during those times. Ask your partner to share these things with you, too. Learn more about how you both approach conflict. Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but being in a long distance relationship makes managing conflict well even more difficult. If you want to know how to make a long distance relationship work, learn some basic conflict-management strategies and discuss them with your partner before you find yourself mid-fight.

Discuss your big disagreements in person. If possible, save your serious disagreements for when you can talk them out in person or at least on the phone. Learn to recognize and control your own emotions. Long distance relationships often involve intense emotions and extreme ups and downs. There are times of intense loneliness, uncertainty, doubts, and fear.

There are also times of extreme excitement, joy, and incandescent happiness. Learning to recognize, own, and manage your own emotions will pay off big time—now and in the future. Learn to control any jealousy in your long distance relationship. Feeling a little jealous now and again is not unusual in a long distance relationship. However, uncontrolled jealousy can lead to a destructive combination of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, anger, and shame. Stonewalling is using silence as a weapon or an escape.

It is controlling the situation by simply refusing to engage. Distance makes this particularly easy to do hanging up or not answering or returning calls , and it can drive your long distance partner crazy with frustration, second-guessing, and self-doubt. Talk honestly about money. Tackling this hot topic directly can help avoid assumptions and conflict.

Figure out the best, low-cost way to connect.

Learn what your different love languages are and practice speaking them. Do you know what your primary love language is? Do you know how to speak your partners? Build your love maps. Your love map is your mental network of information about your partner—their interests, stories, what makes them tick, and things you love and admire about them. The more positive memories and associations you build into this love map, the stronger your relationship will be over time.

Trust is a major issue for many LDR couples. Talking about these things and any growing feelings of jealousy or unease can save you a lot of heartache and conflict in the long run. Share things with each other that have made you laugh. Surprise your partner every so often with something thoughtful.

If You're In A Long Distance Relationship, Watch This

Everyone loves getting a present, a bunch of flowers, or a handwritten letter in the mail. Every so often, go the extra mile and do something extra and special to help your partner feel loved and valued. Bonus points if the gesture is uber-thoughtful. Keep your partner on your mind. Make sure you have some reminders of your partner around—perhaps put their photo on your desktop or tape it to your mirror, drink out a coffee mug they gave you… the possibilities are endless. Help your partner connect with your friends and family. Find a way to involve and connect your partner with some of the other important relationships in your life.

Figure out what helps YOU cope. Everyone is different, and so is every relationship. Everyone has different tips and tricks that help them cope better with the ups and downs that come with being in a long distance relationship. Figure out what works for you, then do it. Build a life where you are. Do things that make you fitter, smarter, and happier. Do things that interest you. Do these things alone, if need be. Remember, investing in yourself is another way of investing in your most important relationship.

However, there are cases where both parties know that distance will be a factor they have to deal with before starting the relationship. Anything beyond one and a half years is usually too long for most couples. What Real Women Say: Emails turned to chatting, to texts, to phone calls. There was a connection. We met in person and decided we could give it a go. We didn't really discuss what would have to be done, and that was a mistake.

We only lasted a year the first time. The distance was too much and too expensive to maintain. About a year and a half later we tried it again. This time we were more conscious of what's involved.

Everything You Need To Know About Long-Distance Relationships - AskMen

There is a whole lot of insecurity that arises in long-distance relationships. Staying consistent helps — set phone call or FaceTime times. Have dates over the phone, watching the same movie together. See each other as often as you can. Texts throughout the day just to stay connected help. We now play words with friends together, and it just keeps us connected and lets each other know we are there. Surprising each other with a card or something in the mail or flowers at work is a great way to keep the romance. Long-distance relationships have a shelf life, and the key factor that makes this type of arrangement work is having an end goal or date in mind when it will be possible for the two of you to be in the same place together — whether that means one of you eventually leaves the company you're at after a period of time to look for work in the place you're relocating to, one of you finishes school, or whatever circumstance is the main disruptor that's keeping either of you from moving in order to be together.

Therefore, in order to maintain a long-distance relationship there has to be a 'light at the end of the tunnel. Without a light at the end of the tunnel it's only natural for couples to drift apart. It's the counting down of the months, weeks and days until one is finally done with the inconvenience of being in a long-distance relationship that keeps it strong.

If you begin an online dating relationship and know in your heart you will never relocate there is a good chance you've already determined the outcome of the relationship — especially if she or he has solidly established themselves as well.

If You're In A Long-Distance Relationship, You Need To Read This

According to Grant Langston, CEO of eHarmony , another factor that has a tremendous impact on whether or not a relationship will be able to handle long distance is the maturity of both parties involved. The more mature you are, the more you can delay gratification and put in the maintenance you need to stay in touch over the months [when you don't see each other]. You also have to be strong enough to resist temptation, which is typically more difficult that people think, and have tremendous trust in your partner.

You're going to have to believe whatever your partner tells you about their habits and social life, and some people have a hard time doing that. I started to become jealous, snarky. That was new territory for me because I was always the 'cool girlfriend'. I was angry with myself and he became annoyed with me understandably. That eventually led to several 'breaks' and eventually the final break-up. If you're going to try long distance, know that your relationship is going to change. Hopefully you'll be able to evolve together instead of letting the distance push you apart.

If things are serious and you see a future, make sure to keep the other person your priority. Introduce them to any new friends because, inevitably there will be new friends , include them in any new routines, and visit as frequently as you can. Whether it's accidental, spontaneous or planned, approaching the conversation about committing to a long-distance relationship with your partner requires a hard talk where you lay everything out on the table.

Some people won't be able to handle a long-distance relationship, and they deserve to know quickly and bluntly so they can plan for the future. If they are content with long distance love, then they still need to organize practical matters like how often they plan to visit, how to keep connected, dividing up shared assets, and so on. Matchmaker Susan Trombetti says that this also requires embracing the possibility that the feelings won't be mutual in your desire to continue the relationship over long distance. No hard feelings if this isn't for the other person.

You are sparing yourself the hurt and pain, so don't try to talk someone into having a long-distance relationship if it isn't in the cards for you. There are emotions which are hard to put aside to think what is best. Sure, you will miss each other if it doesn't work, but you will hate each other if one winds up cheating. There is no choice other than sitting together and saying, 'I've gotten a new offer and I'm going to move.

Let's make it work. I think we need to stop seeing each other.

Everything You Need To Know About Long-Distance Relationships

I also remember that, at the time, his answer was not immediate, or definitive. I know I was hurt by that at the time, but I think, looking back it was fairly mature of him not to lie to me. He had to think about it and decide whether or not he was willing to make that commitment. By the time I was actually leaving, several months later, it wasn't even a question. We were both all in.

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We talked about it and expressed to each other that we were both willing to do whatever it took to make it work.