At the rate we're going, the Inaugural Ball is going to be a surprise party. ~Argus Hamilton

This is what the Republicans are calling a Wizard of Oz ticket. You see, Cheney needs a heart, Bush needs a brain. ~Jay Leno

Democracy was getting old anyway. ~Author Unknown

The American people have now spoken, but it's going to take a little while to determine what they've said. ~Bill Clinton, about the 2000 election

Which is worse, screwing an intern or screwing the country? ~Author Unknown

In light of these events, America is cancelled. Citizens are asked to choose between Canada and Mexico by 4:00 p.m. tomorrow. ~Saturday Night Live, "Weekend Update"

Dick Cheney had a mild heart attack, but they say he'll soon be able to resume his regular activities. I thought having heart attacks was his regular activity. Anyway, since he's a Republican, the heart isn't a major organ. ~Jay Leno

I wasn't using my civil liberties anyway. ~Author Unknown

The good news is the White House is now giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. Some of these jokes actually write themselves. ~David Letterman

Bush and Gore make me want to Ralph! ~Author Unknown

He struggles to exude authority. He furrows his brow, trying to look more sagacious, but he ends up looking as if he has indigestion. Appearing confused at his own speech, he seems like a first-grade actor in a production of James and the Giant Peach. Are his blinks Morse code for "Oh, man, don't let that teleprompter break?" ~Maureen Dowd, about George W. Bush

Hail to the thief! ~Author Unknown

Don't blame me. I voted with the majority. ~Author Unknown

I don't have to like Bush to love America. ~Author Unknown

One person, one vote.* (*May not apply in all states.) ~Author Unknown

America: Where a little thing like a majority won't get in the way of democracy! ~Author Unknown

You've got Bush and Gore headed to the Supreme Court. You've got George W. Bush's intelligence will be pitted against Al Gore's honesty. This is more like a case for small claims court. ~Jay Leno

If you can read this, you're not the president. ~Author Unknown

If every vote counts, then count every vote! ~Author Unknown

Re-elect President Gore. ~Author Unknown

Count ballots, not judges. ~Author Unknown

Now we know what Daddy bought George W. for Christmas. ~Author Unknown

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right? ~Robert Orben

The politicians were talking themselves red, white and blue in the face. ~Clare Boothe Luce

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow

If the World Series runs until election day, the networks will run the first one-half inning and project the winner. ~Lindsey Nelson

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno

The idea that you can merchandise candidates for high office like breakfast cereal - that you can gather votes like box tops - is... the ultimate indignity to the democratic process. ~Adlai Stevenson, speech, Democratic National Convention, 18 August 1956

Every two years the American politics industry fills the airwaves with the most virulent, scurrilous, wall-to-wall character assassination of nearly every political practitioner in the country - and then declares itself puzzled that America has lost trust in its politicians. ~Charles Krauthammer

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. ~Gore Vidal

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate

A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large. ~Finley Peter Dunne, Mr. Dooley's Philosophy, 1900

Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least. ~Robert Byrne

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. ~John Gardner