If I had the job of writing fortune cookies, there would be one gimme: “Sometimes you get the cherries, and sometimes you get the pits.”

For all the eloquent theories of life, that pretty much sums it up.

While Shakespeare and Confucius and Sun Tzu take turns spinning in their graves, let’s grab a closer look at the dime-store axiom.

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Cherries: To both President Re-Elect Barack Obama and, yes, GOP challenger Mitt Romney. While the campaign was rigorous, and the ads insanely mean-spirited (the guy blaming his wife’s death on Romney because his place of employment closed) and disjointed (the guy with the Hungarian accent fearing socialism under Obama), I was impressed by the speeches both gave early Wednesday morning. Romney, though a bit of a spoil-sport about conceding the obvious (even CNN, which was hoping to drag the drama out until dawn, had to capitulate), was gracious. I almost — almost — came away liking the guy (sorta the way you almost feel bad for the car salesman who almost sold you a car you didn’t really want or need). Maybe I’m a sucker for populist poetry, but Obama sounded reinvigorated as he raised the roof in Chicago. Let’s hope both men set the tone for a better tomorrow. Hope and change? Probably too much to swallow at once. As it was, 2008 brought the hope while 2012 brought the change. Roll with it, or get rolled over.

Pits: To the plethora of sore losers out there. This segment of Romney voters didn’t listen to his speech, as that would require an attention span. The garbage floating around out there on social media and right-wing talk radio is cause for pause (and if any bullets go flying around the president, I’m blaming lone nut Ted Nugent, who never seemed to recover from his case of Cat Scratch Fever).

Cherries: To everyone who took the time to come out and vote. Moreover, a nod to people not afraid to tell you how they cast their ballot. Those who are reticent are more annoying than those who say “all kinds” when you ask about their musical tastes. If you voted, be willing to talk about it with at least a modicum of conviction. For me, it was easy. Straight Democrat. Next to Obama, I was most excited to see Kathleen Kane take the Pennsylvania attorney general spot. A former prosecutor, she is willing to stand up to the overbearing gun lobby (as opposed to her opponent, David Freed, who was being propped up by the gun lobby). She is also the first Democrat, and woman, to get the nod in our state.

Pits: To the poll workers with Napoleon complexes who not only asked for ID, holding up the line, but who reportedly relished the chance to give someone who may have simply left their wallet in the car a hard time. A lot is going to change in the voting process — up to and including the arcane electoral college — but while we still have lines and booths, as opposed to online voting on days that make more sense than Tuesday (unless it becomes a holiday), this veiled attempt at disenfranchisement needs to be worked out.

Cherries: To Bruce Springsteen. From working class kid from the Jersey shore to king-maker flying around on Air Force One. I do know how to pick winners, don’t I? Obama, Springsteen ... the Eagles ... OK, nobody is perfect.

Pits: To Karl Rove (speaking of the personification of non-perfection), who bickered with Fox News because he still wanted to stay up and play past his bed time Tuesday into Wednesday. If he had a permanent falling out with Fox, where to now for Bush’s Brain? Don’t know, don’t care ­— as long as baldy is out of our hair.

Cherries: To diversity, the real winner on Election Day. Women won seats at historic rates. Legal Hispanic voters put their maligned brethren on a real path to citizenship. They did it by not only coming out, but by supporting the Democrats (Obama got 71 percent, an unprecedented number from recent elections). If the right hopes to reclaim the White House sometime before the 22nd century, the harsh rhetoric that drew applause during the would-be-funny-if-not-so-sad GOP primary debates needs to be muffled. Looking at the demographics, other people of color — along with women, and those of alternate lifestyles (three states approved gay marriage) — need not feel vilified by the GOP. On the flips side, the Democratic party did not win by a comfortable enough margin to rest easy. One look at the red part of the electoral map reveals, at the very least, that perceptions need to be nursed toward a new sense of reality.

Pits: To the losers, other than the obvious, on Election Day. The founding fathers may have all been older white males, but the revolution is officially official (heck, two states opened the door to legalization, a much more benign feel-good than alcohol). For all the talk of entitlements, maybe that needs to begin with dropping a sense of entitlement when looking in the mirror. Our subtle form of apartheid is eroding. Speaking of going away, we saw the rise of The Tea Party, and we now watch it fall. I’d say goodbye, but that would be too polite. At its most unfortunate zenith, it held the GOP hostage. By dictating draconian policies through its messengers in elected office, Republicans daring to lean toward the center had to conform to the norm. The norm, going forward, is going to be vastly different. And forward, like hope and change, is where we are going. If you don’t like it, that’s just the way the fortune cookie crumbles.

Gordon Glantz is the managing editor of The Times Herald. Contact him at gglantz@timesherald.com or at 610-272-2500, ext. 212. Follow him on Twitter @Managing2Edit.