Lakeville therapist forms nonprofit for new moms after battling depression

After experiencing postpartum depression, Crystal Clancy pictured here in 2011 with husband John and children Riley and Kira founded PregnancyPostpartumSupportMN.com.
(Courtesy of Kim Torgerson)

Marriage and family therapist Crystal Clancy's own postpartum difficulties led her to helping other families cope.

"I had postpartum depression after my daughter was born eight years ago," says Clancy, 39, of Lakeville. "She was my second child. I didn't have it with my first."

The first time, the sun shone from pregnancy through postpartum.

"We had gone through infertility, so we were so ready to have a baby," Clancy says. "Since he was our only one, I was able to rest. And he was a very easy baby."

The second time, the shadows were cast in the delivery room.

"It took me years to piece everything together, but later I realized a lot of my emotions started very early on, even in the hospital," Clancy says. "We didn't find out what we were having, but I would have been happy with another boy. I already had a boy. I knew what to do."

But after giving birth to a girl and hearing all the comments about how thrilled she must be to have one of each, Clancy didn't feel as though she could speak freely about her conflicted feelings.

"I also developed mastitis (a breast infection). So, we had a pretty rough go of it."

It made it difficult to connect.

"I met her basic needs and then put her back in the bouncy," Clancy says.

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"I was not attached to her. I was not happy to be with her."

At first, perhaps because Clancy still was able to function, she didn't recognize that she was depressed.

"I was more angry and detached -- so much so that people close to me were expressing concern," Clancy says. "But I did not feel comfortable asking for or receiving help."

It came to a head one night.

"She'd wake up in the night to nurse at 2 or 2:30," Clancy says. "Because of her stomach issues, it would take her about an hour and a half to go back to sleep. After four or five nights of serious sleep deprivation, that night I could not get her to go back to sleep at all. By about 4 in the morning, I had her in her crib. I was kneeling next to her, my arm through the slats -- I didn't want to hold her -- she kept spitting out her pacifier and I would pop it back in. She was grunting and squirming, she was in pain. I finally got so frustrated that I shoved the pacifier in her face and held it, hard.

"Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to realize this was not OK. I got up and got my husband and said, 'I need you to take over.' "

Internally, she made a decision.

"I decided that I would pack up my son and leave for six months," Clancy says. "I thought she'd be better off without me."

In the end, Clancy stayed.

"Once I realized the problem, I became more open to talking about it with people, talking about how miserable I was," Clancy says. "It was super validating. I remember crying, on the floor, saying, 'I just don't remember it being this hard.' My husband said, 'It wasn't this hard.' "

Other family helped, too.

"My mother-in-law was a key player," Clancy says. "She came to visit around this time. She has had four kids. She said, 'Crystal, this is not normal.' That's what I needed to hear, especially after two doctors had told me that everything was fine, that 'every baby's different.' "

Life improved once Clancy cut out dairy while nursing, her baby went on a reflux medication and mother and baby started sleeping better.

"By the time she was 7 or 8 months old, around the time I went back to work, I started to feel like myself again," Clancy says.

Having experienced the isolation of postpartum issues, the therapist returned to her career with a newly born purpose.

"I connected with other professionals interested in this area, and we formed Pregnancy and Postpartum Support Minnesota," Clancy says. "It's a nonprofit, run strictly by volunteers, that works to bring support and resources to new and expectant parents struggling with mood and anxiety disorders. We created Minnesota's first resource help llst and help line specifically for this issue." (Find information at PregnancyPostpartumSupportMN.com.)

On May 18, the nonprofit will host its first Daisy Dash 5K at Steve Michaud Park in Lakeville.

"One hundred percent of the money raised will go to the organization," Clancy says. "The two big goals to come out of this fundraiser are to train professionals and to build resources in out-state areas."

Raising awareness also is important.

"Working with moms, I encourage them that it's OK to tell some people you trust, to share and be honest with how hard it is," Clancy says. "There is shame over having difficulties during what people feel should be the happiest time in life. Nobody talks about the dark side of it.

"A perfect example of that would be last October, when I was scheduled to do a talk about postpartum difficulties at the Birth & Baby Expo. Nobody came. When I asked why, the feedback I got was that 'nobody wants to think about that yet.' "