Family and Friends Search for Answers After 12-Year-Old Girl's Suicide

Published: Friday, September 13, 2013 at 10:17 p.m.

Last Modified: Friday, September 13, 2013 at 10:17 p.m.

LAKELAND | As people around the U.S. recognized World Suicide Prevention Day on Tuesday, family and friends were learning how a 12-year-old Lakeland girl killed herself sometime the night before.

Rebecca Ann Sedwick's death was the tragic ending to what her family said was more than a year and a half of constant bullying that went beyond a push in the schoolyard — it was all online.

Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said Rebecca was so far beaten down after receiving constant text messages saying she wasn't worth anything and she should kill herself, that she finally believed them.

Tricia Norman, Rebecca's mother, said her daughter had a history of physically harming herself and had mentioned wanting to take her own life earlier this year. Norman had her daughter Baker Acted, home schooled for several months, and then moved to Lawton Chiles Middle Academy, a magnet school.

Everyone thought all of that was in Rebecca's past, Norman said.

"Her whole attitude was different," she said.

But after the Sheriff's Office started investigating, Judd said there were many warning signs that people missed.

Berney Wilkinson, a clinical psychologist in Lakeland who specializes in children and adolescents, said those warning signs are crucial to saving a child's life. There is no direct way to know if someone is serious about suicidal statements, but if a child is saying anything negative or talking about self-harm, it would be better for parents to overreact than do nothing, he said.

"Any time a kid says anything like that, you have to take it as if it's serious," he said.

He said a lot of helping the victim hinges on how the parents interact with their child, which is something Norman acknowledged she should have done better.

"The parents have to be listening and they have to be available," Wilkinson said. "One of the mistakes I see parents make is they just downplay it. They downplay it and they don't respond until it becomes too late when the child has attempted something or plans to attempt something."

Rebecca was using social media applications on her cellphone and computers to communicate with the bullies that Norman had no idea existed. She gave her daughter privacy and space, which she said she now regrets. She would much rather have Rebecca angry but still sitting next to her than to be gone, she said.

Josh Cranor, a student minister at First Baptist Church at the Mall, said he tries to teach youth group parents the importance of keeping an open dialogue with their children, especially now after Rebecca's death.

"It's time-consuming, it's hard, but we're parents and that's our job and that's what we're supposed to do," Cranor said. "We have to be aware of what our kids are going through and what's going on in their life."

The church's youth group held a special program this week to discuss the suicide and to give some of her peers an outlet to share what they are feeling.

In Rebecca's case, Judd said it wasn't just her parents' fault, or the school's fault, or law enforcement's fault, but it was everyone who had a hand in Rebecca's life who should've helped her. And now, instead of pointing fingers, people need to figure out how to fix the problems that let this happen, he said.

"We've got to look forward to learn so the next child doesn't die," Judd said.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the third-leading cause of death for people ages 10 and 24 years old. And although boys are more likely to succeed in killing themselves, girls have a higher rate of suicide attempts.

Cranor said First Baptist Church at the Mall is working on developing a suicide and depression support group for teens.

It would help give young adults a place to discuss what they're going through and help them find a place where they belong.

"People need to not only stand up for a victim, but also, maybe, rally around the victim and bring them into your group of friends," said Louis Ruiz, a student minister at First Baptist Church at the Mall.

Only punishing the bullies isn't the answer to helping the victims, said Brooks Gibbs, a national expert on bullying.

"The only thing that's going to help victims is teaching them how to manage social problems so they can regain control of their happiness," Gibbs said. "The answer is not policing cyberspace. The answer is making sure every single child in America has the social skills necessary to handle the hatred."

Gibbs has embarked on a national tour sponsored by the Office Depot Foundation to visit 300 middle schools to talk to students about bullying and how to stop it. The tour will be in Florida this spring and Gibbs said he's putting a focus on lawmakers to create a bill that requires schools to teach children resilience training.

Florida has anti-bullying laws, which Judd is using to investigate Rebecca's case, and the Polk County School District takes a "No Bullying" stance, but Gibbs said that doesn't stop the hate from happening.

"We're naive to think some law passed about cyber-bullying will help victims," he said. "I believe schools have the responsibility to provide academic training and social training. We have to figure out math problems and scientific problems in school, so we also have to teach children how to figure out social problems."

Gibbs said the trick, and what schools and parents need to learn how to do, is to raise a child's self-esteem.

Sheriff's detectives found questions that Rebecca searched online, including "What's overweight for a 13-year-old girl?" Her self-esteem was so low and she was so unhappy that taking her own life seemed like the only option to escape it, Judd said.

Wilkinson said that because children aren't able to rationalize hateful statements, one negative comment can be believed as truth, which crushes their self-esteem.

"When the bullies are telling them things, they believe it," he said. "I'll work with the patient and say, ‘Let's look at some of these things these people are saying,' and show them that they aren't true. We just work to build their esteem and how they feel about themselves."

Gibbs said if children can learn how to not let the negative statements affect them, bullies will stop bothering them.

He said hate can never be completely removed from the world, but people just need to learn how to respond to it and move past it.

"Some people are going to be downright hateful," he said. "If a student allows the negative words to get them emotional, the bullies get exactly what they want.

"I challenge students to be resilient and I equip them with the social skill of the golden rule, which is: Treat everyone, even your enemies, with kindness. If you do that, it makes it very difficult for bullies to keep bullying you."

[ Stephanie Allen can be reached at stephanie.allen@theledger.com or 863-802-7550. ]

<p>LAKELAND | As people around the U.S. recognized World Suicide Prevention Day on Tuesday, family and friends were learning how a 12-year-old Lakeland girl killed herself sometime the night before. </p><p>Rebecca Ann Sedwick's death was the tragic ending to what her family said was more than a year and a half of constant bullying that went beyond a push in the schoolyard — it was all online. </p><p>Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said Rebecca was so far beaten down after receiving constant text messages saying she wasn't worth anything and she should kill herself, that she finally believed them. </p><p>Tricia Norman, Rebecca's mother, said her daughter had a history of physically harming herself and had mentioned wanting to take her own life earlier this year. Norman had her daughter Baker Acted, home schooled for several months, and then moved to Lawton Chiles Middle Academy, a magnet school. </p><p>Everyone thought all of that was in Rebecca's past, Norman said. </p><p>"Her whole attitude was different," she said. </p><p>But after the Sheriff's Office started investigating, Judd said there were many warning signs that people missed. </p><p>Berney Wilkinson, a clinical psychologist in Lakeland who specializes in children and adolescents, said those warning signs are crucial to saving a child's life. There is no direct way to know if someone is serious about suicidal statements, but if a child is saying anything negative or talking about self-harm, it would be better for parents to overreact than do nothing, he said. </p><p>"Any time a kid says anything like that, you have to take it as if it's serious," he said. </p><p>He said a lot of helping the victim hinges on how the parents interact with their child, which is something Norman acknowledged she should have done better. </p><p>"The parents have to be listening and they have to be available," Wilkinson said. "One of the mistakes I see parents make is they just downplay it. They downplay it and they don't respond until it becomes too late when the child has attempted something or plans to attempt something."</p><p>Rebecca was using social media applications on her cellphone and computers to communicate with the bullies that Norman had no idea existed. She gave her daughter privacy and space, which she said she now regrets. She would much rather have Rebecca angry but still sitting next to her than to be gone, she said. </p><p>Josh Cranor, a student minister at First Baptist Church at the Mall, said he tries to teach youth group parents the importance of keeping an open dialogue with their children, especially now after Rebecca's death. </p><p>"It's time-consuming, it's hard, but we're parents and that's our job and that's what we're supposed to do," Cranor said. "We have to be aware of what our kids are going through and what's going on in their life."</p><p>The church's youth group held a special program this week to discuss the suicide and to give some of her peers an outlet to share what they are feeling. </p><p>In Rebecca's case, Judd said it wasn't just her parents' fault, or the school's fault, or law enforcement's fault, but it was everyone who had a hand in Rebecca's life who should've helped her. And now, instead of pointing fingers, people need to figure out how to fix the problems that let this happen, he said.</p><p>"We've got to look forward to learn so the next child doesn't die," Judd said. </p><p>According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the third-leading cause of death for people ages 10 and 24 years old. And although boys are more likely to succeed in killing themselves, girls have a higher rate of suicide attempts. </p><p>Cranor said First Baptist Church at the Mall is working on developing a suicide and depression support group for teens. </p><p>It would help give young adults a place to discuss what they're going through and help them find a place where they belong.</p><p>"People need to not only stand up for a victim, but also, maybe, rally around the victim and bring them into your group of friends," said Louis Ruiz, a student minister at First Baptist Church at the Mall. </p><p>Only punishing the bullies isn't the answer to helping the victims, said Brooks Gibbs, a national expert on bullying.</p><p>"The only thing that's going to help victims is teaching them how to manage social problems so they can regain control of their happiness," Gibbs said. "The answer is not policing cyberspace. The answer is making sure every single child in America has the social skills necessary to handle the hatred."</p><p>Gibbs has embarked on a national tour sponsored by the Office Depot Foundation to visit 300 middle schools to talk to students about bullying and how to stop it. The tour will be in Florida this spring and Gibbs said he's putting a focus on lawmakers to create a bill that requires schools to teach children resilience training. </p><p>Florida has anti-bullying laws, which Judd is using to investigate Rebecca's case, and the Polk County School District takes a "No Bullying" stance, but Gibbs said that doesn't stop the hate from happening. </p><p>"We're naive to think some law passed about cyber-bullying will help victims," he said. "I believe schools have the responsibility to provide academic training and social training. We have to figure out math problems and scientific problems in school, so we also have to teach children how to figure out social problems."</p><p>Gibbs said the trick, and what schools and parents need to learn how to do, is to raise a child's self-esteem. </p><p>Sheriff's detectives found questions that Rebecca searched online, including "What's overweight for a 13-year-old girl?" Her self-esteem was so low and she was so unhappy that taking her own life seemed like the only option to escape it, Judd said. </p><p>Wilkinson said that because children aren't able to rationalize hateful statements, one negative comment can be believed as truth, which crushes their self-esteem. </p><p>"When the bullies are telling them things, they believe it," he said. "I'll work with the patient and say, 'Let's look at some of these things these people are saying,' and show them that they aren't true. We just work to build their esteem and how they feel about themselves."</p><p>Gibbs said if children can learn how to not let the negative statements affect them, bullies will stop bothering them. </p><p>He said hate can never be completely removed from the world, but people just need to learn how to respond to it and move past it. </p><p>"Some people are going to be downright hateful," he said. "If a student allows the negative words to get them emotional, the bullies get exactly what they want.</p><p>"I challenge students to be resilient and I equip them with the social skill of the golden rule, which is: Treat everyone, even your enemies, with kindness. If you do that, it makes it very difficult for bullies to keep bullying you."</p><p>[ Stephanie Allen can be reached at stephanie.allen@theledger.com or 863-802-7550. ]</p>