Are you having trouble coping with a relative? Do you need some love advice? Log on and ask Dennie Hughes, USA Weekend's advice and "relationtip" expert and contributing editor. Dennie's also available to take questions and comments on tough-to-confront issues, from in-law problems to how to "come out" to your family. Join in and get the scoop.

Comment from Dennie Hughes:
Welcome to this week’s chat! I hope all of you had a terrific weekend – my wonderful weekend started off with a trip to the circus – this year’s Ringling Bros. show was, as usual, full of fun surprises, gorgeous costumes and acts that made you catch your breath – I highly recommend that you take in the show when it’s in your area.
In addition to answering your questions, I’ll also be popping in some really fun Easter ideas, so – let’s begin!
DC:
Dennie:
An ex-boyfriend of mine has just told me he's getting married. He and I broke up about 7 years ago, so this announcement hasn't upset me, but what does get under my skin is the girl he's chosen. She's a loser and a drug addict. I think the marriage is a huge mistake, and I wonder why he would even ask my opinion if he knew that I'd disapprove. What do I do?

Dennie Hughes:
Unless you've actually witnessed this girl doing stuff that brands her a loser, or a user, for that matter, it's probably best that you don't bring up these topics to your about-to-be-married ex. Do ask him why he's asking for your approval -- get him to talk about his feelings, particularly if he does have lots of doubts, and try to get him to listen to what he's actually saying -- if he's not sure he wants to be legally hitched to this girl, he really needs to wait a while, and, as a friend (you must still have some type of caring feelings for him or you wouldn't be writing!) gently say, "listen to yourself -- listen to all the reasons YOU came up with why this is so scary." Perhaps if you get him thinking, he'll postpone or cancel -- however, if he's just hinting about a marriage to see if he can get you into the sack for "old times sake," be smart and stay clear.Arlington, VA:
I'm going through a problem similar to what Meadow Soprano's dealing with in college! I have a crazy roommate who clearly has emotional problems. She refuses to get help and instead only becomes clingier and clingier. She's beginning to scare me. Suggestions?

Dennie Hughes:
I feel so sorry for your roomie -- going away from home for the first time isn't always easy -- for some, it's downright depressing. Most colleges have a dorm-monitor or someone on the floor designated to trouble shoot problems -- perhaps you can talk to this person about how uncomfortable you are in this situation, and ask for suggestions on how to handle it. It might just be a matter of getting her out of her room -- and her shell -- and meeting people. If time goes by and you really feel suffocated, please talk to your college counselor or other trusted adult about this -- she may need some professional help, and in this day and age of people acting out rage or depression, it's smart to make others aware when someone is acting irrationally. Do, in the meantime, be kind to her and try to be a little understanding, and occasionally, spend some time getting her to talk about why she feels the way she does... being kind to a peer is not only a nice thing to do, but may someday save your life.Washington, D.C.:
I hope you can help me with something that's been on my mind. I go out with a group of about 7 female friends every Friday. Only one of them has a boyfriend. I'm not seeing anyone, but it's by choice. Anyway, the others are kind of a catty bunch, which can be fun sometimes. The problem is that a few weeks ago, a handsome guy started working for one of them. I met him and we hit it off, but not like a boyfriend-girlfriend thing (more like a fooling around thing, to be honest with you). The point is, I believe that at least one of the other gals in the group had her eye on him, and now I'm in the doghouse, being subjected to smartass comments, etc. What do I do?

Dennie Hughes:
You don't owe anyone an explanation for your personal life -- if their commentary really bugs you, look the next offender dead in the eye and say, "So, what's your point? You want this guy too? Listen, I don't want to talk about this anymore -- this topic is officially dropped or I stop hanging." I bet that'll make 'em shut up -- and if not, maybe you need a new crew.New York, NY:
I hope you can help me. My mother is constantly nagging me about my weight. In the past, I've had weight problems, but in the past month I've been hitting the gym and have lost about 11 pounds. I'm happy with my progress, but I feel under tremendous pressure to keep losing, losing, losing because of my mother. I honestly don't think I can ever be as thin as she wants me to be, but to be honest with you, I'm not sure I want to! How do I politely tell her to back off?

Dennie Hughes:
Wait a second -- did someone resurrect one of my letters from about five years ago? Been there, and totally feeling for you -- there's nothing worse than having a mom who is the self-appointed body police. My mom did that to me for years -- one day I found the strength to tell her how much it hurt me, and the pressure her nagging put on me, and how bad I felt to think that none of my accomplishments made a difference to her if they were packaged in that "still gotta get rid of that final 10 lbs." body. My mom was shocked that I felt this way -- she started to protest and I stopped her by saying, "I love you and I want you to stop judging me this way or I will stop coming over." When she saw that I wasn't loud or mad or hysterical, just sad and hurt, she vowed right then and there not to critique my weight anymore (she thought she was being helpful, by the way, and thought that, when I got angry or sullen, it was just because I was mad at MYSELF for not accomplishing the weight loss..... strange!) Try this -- it works.St. Louis, Missouri:
Why would someone twist even the most careing,loving, and major decisive occasions in a relationship, into a huge lie. This person says he sincerely recalls me threatening his life with a knife after surprising him in his car, telling him that if he didn't come back to me, I'd didmember his member. He has told others these lies since we've been divorced. I wanted an "friendly" divorce for out kids' sake, but I really don't know if the man is mentally ill, or if he is just trying to make me feel bad and mad. I need to know what someone else's opinion is.
CM

Dennie Hughes:
What your husband is doing is destructive, and is really going to do a number on the kids. Tell him to believe what he wants, but to keep it to himself and his buddies -- you don't want this kind of talk around the kids. If he doesn't stop, you may have to seek legal help about what you can do to stop him from defaming you this way.Madison, WI:
What's the best way to deal with my girlfriend past promiscuity?

Dennie Hughes:
Do use a condom every time you have sex, and see if you and she can get AIDS tests -- while her past shouldn't be something you use against her, it IS something you should be concerned about for health reasons.Augusta, Georgia:
My question is I have been chatting with a person in one of the chat rooms. We seem to really like each other. This is not a sex type chat, but one where we enjoy just sharing ideas and knowing each other. Do you think two people can really find lasting relationships from a format such as a chat room, even though they are thousands of miles apart.

Dennie Hughes:
I'm sure it can happen, but it's going to take time and a lot of work. Think about this -- it's hard enough to really know someone you meet face to face, right? People lie and misrepresent all the time, and it takes being around them and watching their actions to really get to know them. Now, when you meet someone you can't even look in the eye, someone who is behind a keyboard describing him or herself the way THEY see themselves, and possibly mirroring all the things you say just to make you feel happy or comfortable... well, I think you see my point -- getting to know that cyber friend is super hard. Bottom line -- continue your friendship, maybe exchange real letters and pictures, and if you do decide to meet, make it a midway point so that no one is shelling out all the dough to travel. Also, bring someone with you to meet this person, and make sure people know where you're going to be -- sounds overly cautious but better to stay safe than sorry. Finally, RED FLAG -- if this person asks you for ANY type of monetary help in getting together, hit the delete button.Washington DC:
I am no longer interested in dating my girl friend; I suppose I wouldn't mind staying casual friends with her. We have been together for almost three years; would it be overly mean to not invite her to Seder dinner with my family?
My family has met and like her, but aren't overly fond of her; she has always been very eager to gain acceptance from my family.

Dennie Hughes:
If she thinks she's still your girlfriend, not inviting her would definitely be mean -- break up with her before Seder dinner, so that way she won't expect to be invited.Horton, MI:
What do I do about a Mother-in-law who is an enabler for a grandson with numerous drug and drinking problems? He lies-she defends him by saying, "He's been framed". It is affecting her health and the family's well being. Is it MYOB since it is my husband's family? She is truly a nice person, but very naive to modern-day problems. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

Dennie Hughes:
If Grandma refuses to see the truth, stop getting into arguments with her. Then, for your peace of mind, tell your husband that you're going to take yourself out of this situation and let him handle it -- in the meantime, you may want to get in contact with an organization that helps enablers see the light -- get some free literature for you and your family: www.drughelp.orgBlue Bell, PA:
My sister stole $15,000 from my bank account. She has paid back only $500 in the last 3 months and has not gotten a second job as promised. Should I press charges or continue to hope that she will pay me back?

Dennie Hughes:
Absolutely. This wasn't a loan; this was stealing. Talk to a lawyer about your options.Washington DC:
How does one prove love to an estranged spouse from whom one has become separated, but with whom reconciliation is desired?

Dennie Hughes:
Actions often speak louder than words. Resolve to send a card in the mail once a week (make sure they pertain to the good parts of your history together) -- invite this person out to dinner or for a home cooked meal; most importantly, ask this person what you can do to prove your love, and get your intended to talk about the doubts -- from there, you can work on erasing them.Washington, DC:
Dennie:
I am the family "ear". When there is a problem everyone gives me a call. Due to various situations in them family (illnesses, bad family business ventures) my phone rings a lot. How can I keep this situations from upsetting my life?

Dennie Hughes:
It sounds like you are blessed and cursed -- you are most likely smart, sensitive, empathetic, a great listener... what you need to do is erect boundaries and don't hesitate to let someone know when you can't deal with an issue. If something is particularly distressing or is something you have no idea how to handle, tell the person who is coming to you for help that you wish them nothing but the best, but you cannot help. In the meantime, being an "ear" means you need to learn some de-stressing techniques -- breathe deeply, focus on something positive when things bother you.Barstow, California:
How do I deal with my ex-wife? She divorced me a year ago, and it has taken me some time to begin getting over it. It still hurts to even think of her, but because we have children, some contact needs to be maintained. What is your advice?

Dennie Hughes:
I'm so sorry about this hurt, but I promise that over time, if you really try, you'll get past it. Whenever you feel lonely or miss her terribly, turn to your friends and family and allow them to boost you up and make you feel better. Talk out those feelings with them -- remember, grief shared is grief diminished. And strive to keep your relationship a positive one for your child -- even if she starts dating, don't let it make you angry or vengeful.Fairfield, Mo:
I have been married for 19 years. When we dated and even after being married for about 5-7 years, my wife wanted to jump my bones every night. Now the story is quite different. At best she wants me maybe once a month a month. Q.
How can I improve this situation to her enjoying sex with me at least once a week?

Dennie Hughes:
Sex is definitely an ebb and flow kind of thing -- the passion you have at the dating stage is hard to keep going as the years pass... and sometimes the sex is almost non-existent, especially when kids enter the picture -- either way, the best thing to do is to talk to her gently about the situation (say "what can I do to make you relaxed and feeling sexy?" instead of "why won't you have sex with me?"); compliment often, give her coupons for things like a 20 minute make out session on the couch or a foot-rub that at first doesn'thave to go anywhere -- once you two start connecting in a more physical and personal way, the sex will follow.Silver Spring:
I have noticed money missing from my wallet and white specs of dust on my dresser right next to it recently. My son has been brought home twice in the last month by the police for vagrancy. Do you think there is any connection? He claims no accountability for it.

Dennie Hughes:
I think that, deep down, you have an idea that your son is in trouble... hide the wallet, and start really paying attention to his school performance and his friends -- call the teacher and find out how he is in class; ask him to bring the friends over so that you can get an idea of who he's hanging out with. Finally, warn him that if his behavior doesn't improve, you will start snooping in his room -- and then, follow through. I personally don't think that parents should snoop without cause, but I don't have a problem when the snooping is announced as a consequence for actions -- he has been warned, if you will -- and if you want more information on how to tell if your kid is using, check out www.drughelp.orgComment from Dennie Hughes:
Time for a little Easter TAWK:
Can we saaaaay….. CANDY? New this year: Nestle’s Wonderball (Nestle’s chocolate outside, tangy SweetTart Disney characters inside) – about 99 cents at stores near you. Also on the sweet tip: JELL-O BEANS!!! Yup, good old fashioned Jell-O gelatin, poured into the new style jelly bean molds make really cool – and tasty – beans. Check out www.jello.com for more information.
How about Easter decoration and party ideas? Egg-citing new ways to color eggs available at www.ivillage.com; fabulous Easter decorating ideas at www.williams-sonoma.com; great articles ("Best and Worst Egg Hiding Spots") and fun activities at the Family Learning Site on www.learningnetwork.com; an interactive Spring/Easter site at www.disney.com/spring includes a sweepstakes, online Easter Day cards and games like "Pooh’s Crystal Cave." http://pressroom.hallmark.com can provide fun background info on the holiday – ever wondered how the Easter Bunny ended up laying eggs? Or why many people wear buy new clothes for Easter? Check out this site!
Comment from Dennie Hughes:
Now, back to the q&a's...
dover de:
I have a 9 year old grandson whose parents are divorced for 5 years; his father is still resentful and mad at my grandson's wife (my daughter) even though he is remarried and has another child. My daughter has remarried happily and moved on but this ex doesn't seem to be able to move on with his life. he calles his son every night on the pretense of talking to him but I am convinced he is calling to keep tabs on my daughter. I worry about my grandson. there have been many court battles, the ex doesn't follow the court order; i worry about my grandson, although my friends tell me kids are resilient and he has a very stable home life with his mother and new stepdad. do most kids seem to be resilient and bounce back. how best do you explain to him nicelythat his father is a jerk and still making my daughter's life miseralble

Dennie Hughes:
Here's what you do: you provide a listening ear, words of encouragement, a place he can go to to be spoiled and pampered. Here's what you DON'T do: say anything bad about his father -- instead, when he's disappointed, tell him that adults in general are not perfect, and that you are sure that his father loves him very much, but that he sometimes makes mistakes.Waunakee, WI:
I bumped into my ex recently and we had a chit-chat/spat. During the course of the conversation I told her she frustrated me by wanting to be my friend, like having cake and eating it too, but only like a once a month like thing. I have a right to angry at her for misleading me for two+ years. Now I'm feeling regretful for being so snippy with her. Feelings are complex. Put it to you this way, I wanted to marry her, she said I deserved better...but now wants to be my friend. I told her that the transition isn't going to be easy and will take some time for she is the one doing the hurting. Ideas?

Dennie Hughes:
I think you still need time to get over her, so try to avoid her for a while -- get your support system of friends to help you past this and meeting others. Once you have your life in order, and you're happy again, MAYBE you could try to be friends again -- however, you may just decide by then that she was right -- you deserve better in a wife AND in the choice of a friend. I feel for you -- breakups stink.San Francisco, CA:
My boyfriend and I've been together for about 6 months. However, we still get into an argument every two weeks. I am very tried and really want to find a solution to it. He is not willing to talk. He would not call me at all until I call him back.

Dennie Hughes:
With only six months invested (and you feeling tired of the fighting already) I say move on -- he doesn't want to talk or apologize or act like a real man, so you need to find one that does -- trust me, as my mother says, he's only one in about 20 million men in this world that you haven't met yet -- be strong, chickie,, and move on.:
Do you think it is ever right to completely cut off a relationship with a parent because of their verbal abuse of myself. I have done so with my mother but have given her my work number in case of emergencies.

Dennie Hughes:
Your instinct was terrific -- by giving her your work number, you have left the door open for her to contact you. And you also get spared from the verbal tirades... parents or not, no one has the right to verbally abuse you or make you feel bad about yourself. Keepyour distance, but do the right things like send cards for holidays and birthdays sothat you will know that, as a daughter, you tried your best.Los Angeles, CA:
At what point do you say enough's enough and call it quits on someone?
A guy and I have known each other for over 6 months and hit it off great the rare times we see each other (we tend to have lots of scheduling conflicts or else he just forgets). The forgetfulness and his undecisiveness (if he wants a relationship with me) is irritating me.
We've had talks, but it still the same thing. He says he wants to go out with me, but I don't feel the committment from him. I've questioned myself if I'm just clinging on for lost hope and fear I may be giving up something good?
Should I just call it off and move on?

Dennie Hughes:
Think: ever notice that when you really like someone, you can always make the time to talk or see that person? and, when you don't really care about someone, you find a million excuses why you're too busy or tired or whatever to contact them? I think this guy likes you as an occasional fun time -- nothing wrong with that if that's what you want from the relationship as well, but it sounds like you want more -- so do move on and find someone who cares about you so much the words "I forgot" don't even enter his vocabulary -- you deserve someone who treats you like a queen.Newark, NJ:
My wife suffers from constant depressions, but she refuses to talk about it or go to the doctor. How to handle this situation?

Dennie Hughes:
Keep encouraging her -- in the meantime, it may help you to seek out a professional to talk about how hard her depression is on you, and keep your sanity safe in this relationship -- perhaps if she sees you seeking out help, she may be motivated to join. Good luck.Comment from Dennie Hughes:
Here's a few more Easter ideas:
Anyone who knows me knows that I am already a huge fan of www.impromptugourmet.com – tasty gourmet meals put together by four-star, gourmet chefs for you to prepare and serve – well, they’ve outdone themselves for the Easter holidays – check out the site for their ham rubbed with fragrant brown sugar, spicy honey glaze and dijon mustard sauce – if ham doesn’t grab you, maybe some of their other entrees will. Put this site on your list of favorites!
For those who celebrate with reverence:
Great flick: The Greatest Story Ever Told – yup, the 60’s classic (with Max Van Snydow as Jesus, and a cast that includes John Wayne, Telly Savalas, Shelly Winters and Charlton Heston) has been newly-restored to it’s gorgeous, lush colors (and includes a new, never-before-seen 15 minute documentary with cast and crew) – VHS is around $20.
Great book: He is Alive by Helen Haidle – beautifully illustrated book can help children of all ages understand the events that serve as the foundation for Christianity.
Comment from Dennie Hughes:
And now... our time is over. Thanks so much for logging on -- please come by next week, 4-5 p.m. EST, and to check out my column in USA WEEKEND (www.usaweekend.com) -- See you next week!