It’s not a secret that men and women are different daters, and that is why it makes dating so fascinating (and frustrating at the same time). Above is a very generalized view of the different stages of attraction. The so-called “dates” that we all go on should really be renamed “Attraction Tests.” Because during these meet-ups, we are testing our attraction towards the person we’re with.

Let’s go through my graph (don’t you love the colors and shapes??):

Initial Attraction

Men: “Do I want to fuck her?” It’s a very primal state of attraction that is rooted in physical and sexual arousal. You guys are visually oriented but contrary to popular belief, it’s not a basic shallow need. By you being physically and sexually attracted to a woman, it stimulates your ego, passion, and sometimes, even your heart. I’ve met more men who have experienced “love at first sight” (or similar to it) because your primal attraction literally overtakes your body, mind and heart. Your initial attraction to a woman is not tainted by any other factors; but if you’re not “primally” attracted to someone, it’s hard for you to continue to feel the next level of attraction - emotional.

Women: “Could we work?” Men are in the moment and women are 2 steps ahead. Our initial attraction to you could very much be primal or emotional, but it is quickly trumped by the rational. We want to make sure we’re not wasting our time, so we get the pertinent stuff out of the way. Are you suitable for me? Do we have a future together? What are your credentials? Interestingly, despite the common notion that women are emotional, this stage of attraction is almost void of emotions. It’s like a job interview and if a guy looks good on paper, we’re very willing to open ourselves up for the next level of attraction - emotional.

Secondary Attraction

Men and Women: Once our potential suitors get past the initial level, we’re both willing to open up to the emotional state of attraction. How do you make me feel? How do I make you feel? What do we connect on? Am I excited when I see you? Am I sad when you’re gone? Could I see myself falling in love with you? And if the answer is “yes” to all, then we enter the next level.

Tertiary Attraction

Men: “Is this relationship material?” When your rational side kicks in, it is pretty damn clear. If a girl gets past this level, she’s your girlfriend. However, many just linger in the initial or secondary stages.

Women: “Do I want to fuck him?/Do I like fucking him?” It’s not that we can’t answer this question in the initial stage, but at the initial level, more important questions superseded it. Now we’re ready to address our primal attraction, and if a guy passed the rational and emotional, then the answer to this question is a big fucking YES.