Holy Week Reflections 2017

Easter has not always meant so much to me. In college, for a few years, it did. I was in a Christian sorority where we worshipped weekly together and where I learned how to have a quiet time–and tried to have one every single day. During that season of life, Easter would bring me to tears in fact. After college, while I believed in God, I became somewhat of a cultural Christian. In a way, it was “easier” than to open myself up completely to God. A few years ago, I realized Easter had lost it’s power over me and knew I needed to get it back.

I had been living a long season of lukewarm faith. I was not on fire for the Lord. I went to church semi-regularly and would have short periods of Bible study here an there, though nothing consistently. In 2014, I joined an awesome Bible study–BSF–and the whole year kept telling my group how I felt like God wanted me to change but that I couldn’t. I felt like there was a wall around my heart. BUT, I powered through, fully participating in the study and discussion. I remember thinking that surely Easter would mean more to me after spending the year studying Moses and being in the Bible daily. It did a little… but not to the degree I had hoped. I watched The Passion of the Christ and was disappointed in myself for not feeling more.

Fast forward a year, and everything changed. I went through the most emotionally draining and physically painful year of my life. I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me, BUT I finally 100% began to rely on God. He knocked down that wall around my heart in ways that I never could have with my hardest attempts. He took me through stormy waters, but I survived with deepened faith that has changed everything. He changed everything.

So last year, 2016, Easter took on a bigger meaning in my life for the first time in years. Now, in 2017, it has become even more powerful. If you read my previous post, you know that this week, I faced some major shame and guilt and finally feel forgiven and liberated from it. I understand now that God breaks the chains of sin. I glimpsed the cross and recognized that Jesus’ death was enough for me to overcome anything, including forgiving myself.

If you too have felt the power of the cross weaken, look at your activity. Have you been in your Bible much? Have you been going to church to worship and study the Word? If not, up your faith-based activity. Join a small group, find a new church that feeds your soul. And when you do this, give it time. If you are like me and have a wall built tightly around your heart, it might take time for you to change. But, it’s worth it.

Because here’s the truth… you can’t say God is silent if your Bible is closed, or on a shelf… & if God seems far way, guess who moved?