Monday, December 4, 2006

Eyeballs Anyone?

It seems to me that Koreans have a weird fascination about death and organ donation.

Koreanovelas offer us a myriad of genres ranging from eye-draining dramas to duck cooking (Saang sulok ng langit…Ako si Jang Geum at ito ang aking kwento. Tenendren) but no matter what the story is about, you can expect one of the leads to gasp for his last breath of air following the pronouncement of his eternal love at the series’ final episode.

Season is the most crucial part of the story and screenplay of koreanovelas as it ultimately determines the ambiance and background that will be used in which the dying would take place. If the writer decides to kill one of the leads in winter, then they (the leads) would be sprawled on the ground during a snow fall or a blizzard or with a snow-man as their background. If it happens in autumn, the leads would be sitting under a tree with dried, red leaves falling gently on the ground. In spring, they would be lying on a field of flowers with birds twittering up on the trees. Now, I haven’t seen a summer one yet, but I’m imagining (and hoping) that this would happen on Dec. 26, 2004 in either Phuket or Banda Aceh.

I want the female lead to be engulfed by the colossal tsunami while she’s frolicking on the white sand beaches in her shocking pink and neon green polka-dot bikini. The male lead, upon realizing that her beloved honeybunch has just been eaten by the ocean, dives into the raging waters because he’d rather drown and die with her than to live a solitary life. Two days later, the female lead was found flopped on the shore unconscious; gagging on sea water. Yes, she IS alive! It was later discovered that a kindhearted butanding (Butch) spotted the female lead and saved her by putting her inside the comfort of its warm belly. Unfortunately for the male lead, no marine animals were present to salvage his pathetic existence except for floating algae and plankton. Now that’s friggin awesome and fuckin tragic! I will call this koreanovela, “Endless Love LXIX: Summer Bonanza”. Ok, that was lame but at least the story’s so groundbreaking it could win the Oscar for best original story.

I don’t know why most koreanovelas end in such tragic (stupid) way. But what’s more puzzling is how the Filipino audience becomes more enthralled with the show the instant one of the leads dies at the end. Aren’t Filipinos supposed to be happy people who don’t like bad things happening to their heroes/heroines? My theory is that Filipinos are becoming fed up with our own soaps and films wherein the protagonist, after being bludgeoned by a steamroller, being trapped in a burning bus or falling into a deep crevasse somehow finds a way to survive and kick the enemy’s ass at the end. The antagonist meanwhile, after making the protagonist’s life miserable by slapping and making her sabunot repeatedly every time they meet and ramming his face in a Clorox-filled ­batya where she does her laundry (usually followed by a manic laugh) —dies in the final episode after slipping in the bathroom and smashing his skull in to the toilet bowl. Filipinos, being bombarded by the same plots since God knows when is finally getting fed up. They want something new and something fresh like—mortal lead characters.

Another bizarre feature of koreanovelas is organ donation. In rare occasions in which not one of the lead characters faces the grim ripper in the end, you can bet your asses off that one of them is going to donate one (or more) of his body organs to his lover instead. For example:

The female lead, for some unknown reason became terribly ill and as a result, turned her left eye blind. Of course, the male lead would not want this to happen to his girl so he goes to his sweetie pie’s doctor to tell him his willing to donate one of his eyes (this usually happens without the knowledge of the female lead). The following day, the doctor calls the female lead and tells her that he’s pleased to announce that they have found an organ donor. The female goes into the hospital to have her surgery scheduled. On the day of the operation, the female lead demands for his lover’s presence but to her dismay, it was not granted. After nine hours of grueling eyeball tinkering, the operation was a success.

After weeks of recovery, the female lead can see again, hurrah! She then asks to see the organ donor so that she could thank him personally. The doctors told her that the donor is in the next room. The female lead gets a basket of fruits and a bouquet of flowers that will serve as her simple thanksgiving. She sets off with a smile on her face. She’s now in front of the donor’s room. Trembling, she turns the doorknob and swings the door open. The fruits and flowers falls from her grasp. Tenendren…in front of her is her lover (duh) staring blankly at the doorstep. The female lead runs towards the male lead and bursts into tears. “Hindi mo na dapat ginawa toh!” she wailed. The male lead turns to her and whispers “Honey, ginawa ko to dahil, dahil mahal kita!” More bawling and yelping transpired. Amidst all the crying, the female lead suddenly asks, “Teka muna, kaliwang mata lang ang nabulag sa akin a?! Bakit wala na rin ang kanang mata mo?!” In a quavering voice the male lead answered, “M-may ipagtatapat ako sayo. Sana huwag kang magalit. P-pinagtaksilan kita! Yung bago kong gelpren…ano kasi…nabulag yung kanang mata niya! E, mahal ko rin kaya binigay ko na rin ang kanang mata ko!” “AMP…!” the girl screamed. Without hesitation, the girl pulled out her left eye and shoved it in her boyfriend’s mouth”

Owww. How romantic. Fuck yes!

Another example: The female lead just realized that she’s homosexual. She decides that she wants a sex change operation. You know what’s going to happen next… Scary! But what’s even scarier is that none of the leads’ bodies reject the alien organ being transplanted to them considering that the odds of two unrelated individual being 100% organ-compatible is 1:30,000. Does this mean that all Koreans have the same set histocompatibility antigens? Does this mean that all Koreans are actually just one person? Does it explain why all Koreans have Park and Kim as their family name? Does this solve the riddle on why Koreans always travel in packs? And finally, does this mean that the Korean girl who joined in the first season of Star Circle Quest is in fact none other than the great…Jang Geum! Hell, I voted like nuts for her!

Jeez, I’m now at homestretch but I still don’t know the real reason behind the Koreans’ obsession with this kind of ending (How can I when I’m not searching for the answer? Stupid me.) Maybe it’s just the same way Filipinos are obsessed about rags-to-riches storylines involving Juday or it’s just their way of manifesting their true and never-ending love.

People, enlighten me please.

If there’s one good thing about writing this it’s probably learning a very valuable lesson that falling in love to a Korean girl is not a very good idea—especially Korean girls with history of Macular Degeneration1 running in her family’s veins.

I can’t think of a good ending. I’m blaming it on Kana, the Japanese girl in the movie Hostel. I can’t get her out of my mind (Anong kanta my lyrics na ganito?)

1 Macular Degeneration is the leading cause of irreversible vision loss in the United States. This incurable condition attacks the central portion of the retina, the part of the eye that receives light patterns and transmits them to the brain.

All that Seasons are quite sappy. But there was a Summer edition, Poly! (It was 5:00 pm weekdays! haha, i even know the time!)

Endless Love: Summer Scent... And this was the ironic plot. Ana and Lead man are supposed to get married that day when Ana met car accident. Lead-man rushes to the hospital. Meanwhile, Abby had a heartattack and fiance rushes her to the hospital. Since there is no longer hope for Ana (the doctor said it himself), she preferred that her heart be donated, as she knew by the same doctor that a girl with heart disease is having problem searching for donor. Abby gets Ana's heart and Ana dies.

(even their names are almost similar! weird translators...)

Years later, Lead man and Abby met (still not married) and got stranded somewhere in the forest... (forgot exactly what happened) but lead man could see Ana in Abby.

As it turns out, sis-of-fiance love Lead man, and Lead man is Fiance's friend. And Lead-man is their wedding planner, who is showing symptoms of love whenever around Abby, who does too...

Sure bored you with this, huh? ^_^

I don't know the ending. But it's not good.

Yup. All Endless Love Seasons sucks. ^_^

Including those with blind stories. ~_~ Sorry fans!

Well actually, there are some Koreanovelas that are quite good, mind you. There's the story of married life. Some Filipinos don't think it romantic to have a story about a married couple.

But all thumbs up to comedy-love-story.. (yup, i know, i'm corny... but entertainment is half-about nonsense right?) hahah ^_^