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I never use the term as it has religious connotations to me. It's almost like agreeing with the notion that there is a heaven and an afterlife, that they should now be peaceful. Funnily enough, my hubby uses it and he is as big an atheist as me, I don't think he has ever thought about it. Obviously I have!

This is the reason I brought up this point, you & your husband are a perfect example of this. But there are many others who just dont understand the actual meaning behind it, & just say/use the phrase. Which is quite sad.

Is this where we are, our species? Wishing the dead to rest peacefully?

I haven't really gave it any thought, but I only use it if someone has had a very difficult death I don't mean it to be religious in any way. It's the final thing I can say about a person after they are gone. Peace is the final stage of any body's existence. In life I would say that other saying "live long and prosper" and in death it's "rest in peace" without any reference to afterlife