Nothing good has ever come of synergy. The word alone strikes an image of fat guys on rope lines yelling for Chad to trust them and jump. Fuck, Chad, don’t jump. You’ll land in the pot of shit that is Famous in 12, the AOL Time Warner TMZ CW synergy reality show about whether a family of complete unknowns with decent tits and zero shame can become the next Kardashians. It’s a grand social experiment to see if you can turn gum on the bottom of your shoe into cash:

“This show is taking a step back and looking at what it is to be defined as famous, which is to be recognized by a lot of people.” — Brian Balthazar, programming chief at AOL.com

Thanks, Brian. Famous is one of those arcane vocabulary words I never covered in my SAT prep. The entire Artiaga family, mom, dad, granny, the crazy to be slutty daughters, all moved to Los Angeles for the summer where TMZ will help them to become famous in twelve weeks. Then they win the prize of being cast into the pits of Mordor to writhe in eternal flames forever more. Plus like five hundred bucks and an immersion blender. Why would anyone subject themselves to such a degrading and dehumanizing experiment?

“Harvey Levin sat on my sofa. That’s how I know I have what it takes.” — Jameelah Artiaga, the sister who wants to be a model

Fair enough, Jameelah, We can discuss your premise more when you’re a sandwich maker in training at Subway making eyes at the guys who pay with twenties. Say, six weeks?