Monday, February 06, 2012

Be The Father Of The Navy Seal Who Shot Bin Laden Day!

Today you’re the father of the Navy Seal who shot Bin Laden, and you resent your son because you never did anything memorable with your life.

“Think you’re better than me?” say to him over dinner tonight. “Everything you have is cause of me. You got that?”

“Yeah Dad,” he’ll say, playing with his peas.

“Walk around like you’re hot shit,” tell him. You’re drunk, btw. “Stand up and fight me like a man if you think you’re so tough.”

You’ll hoist yourself out of your chair and your son will remain seated. Slap him in the face.

“Come on Chickenshit,” say. Slap him again.

Your son will jump out of his chair, knocking his cutlery on the floor, and he’ll be sobbing.

“This isn’t about Bin Laden,” he’ll shout, tears running down his cheeks. “This is about Mom! This is about you blaming me for her death. I couldn’t have saved her Dad! You’ve gotta stop punishing me because you miss her.”

His mother killed herself twelve years ago. He would have been home to stop her but he was being trained in silent larynx removal.

“All the other guys on Seal Team Six have dads who are proud of them,” your son will say. “Why can’t you be proud of me? I shot Bin Laden for God’s sake, Dad. Don’t you think Mom would want you to be proud of me?”

You won’t know what to say, so just shuffle away from the table, muttering “Clean this mess up” as you go. Then retreat to your bedroom to drink some more and look at pictures of the woman who brought that boy into the world to make it a safer place.