husband had an affair

me and husband had been having a bit of problems but i thought most of them came from him drinking. it seems like every weekend he would go out and drink and come home either late or not at all. he would tell me he was crashing at a friends or always had an excuse. we would agrue and he would tell me he wanted to work on us. about 2 weeks ago he had taken a picture of me on his cell while we were fooling around and it kind of excited me so we tried a few other things and i thought maybe we can fix things of course because he thought he wasnt getting enough attention and sex, well saturday morning he came home and told me that he has been having an affair for 3 months. i of course flipped out. spoke to a friend of his that knew what was going on and she kept assuring me that he was tring to get away but she kept making threats she said it was pure sex and he has and had no feelings for her. deep down i believed him but continued to cry and hit him. the other thing is that we did fool around after bc of couse i am the most horniest i have been with this pregnancy so the other night i told him i used him. i didnt have sex with him because i just cant but needed something. i am going to a therapist tomorrow. i figured since i have a 2 year old and am 16 weeks pregnant that i would try to work through this but of course i keep picturing him with someone else and it is killing me. well she had him arrested tonight so while i was on the phone with the lawyer and he told me to bring the paperwork of what he filled the other day (a harassment) i went in his truck to find it and did under his mat with another cell phone. well on that cell phone had pictures of her like he took of me and a picture of her sucking his ----. i flipped out again and am so beyond right now. he told me he would be honest and tell me everything i wanted to know. i did ask him if he took pictures of her and he told me no so that was a lie i just dont know if he tried to not hurt me anymore. i cant imagine him ever doing this again especially with the way that it is turning out for him in jail and all right now. (he of course did not touch her and she has 3 different reports and open them and close them so this is just a technicallity)

my question is would you try to see if you could work through this if you had kids of course knowing it is gonna take a ton of time and also would you want to know details or should i drop asking about it because it is only making things worse.

please help

me and husband had been having a bit of problems but i thought most of them came from him drinking. it seems like every weekend he would go out and drink and come home either late or not at all. he would tell me he was crashing at a friends or always had an excuse. we would agrue and he would tell me he wanted to work on us. about 2 weeks ago he had taken a picture of me on his cell while we were fooling around and it kind of excited me so we tried a few other things and i thought maybe we can fix things of course because he thought he wasnt getting enough attention and sex, well saturday morning he came home and told me that he has been having an affair for 3 months. i of course flipped out. spoke to a friend of his that knew what was going on and she kept assuring me that he was tring to get away but she kept making threats she said it was pure sex and he has and had no feelings for her. deep down i believed him but continued to cry and hit him. the other thing is that we did fool around after bc of couse i am the most horniest i have been with this pregnancy so the other night i told him i used him. i didnt have sex with him because i just cant but needed something. i am going to a therapist tomorrow. i figured since i have a 2 year old and am 16 weeks pregnant that i would try to work through this but of course i keep picturing him with someone else and it is killing me. well she had him arrested tonight so while i was on the phone with the lawyer and he told me to bring the paperwork of what he filled the other day (a harassment) i went in his truck to find it and did under his mat with another cell phone. well on that cell phone had pictures of her like he took of me and a picture of her sucking his ----. i flipped out again and am so beyond right now. he told me he would be honest and tell me everything i wanted to know. i did ask him if he took pictures of her and he told me no so that was a lie i just dont know if he tried to not hurt me anymore. i cant imagine him ever doing this again especially with the way that it is turning out for him in jail and all right now. (he of course did not touch her and she has 3 different reports and open them and close them so this is just a technicallity)

my question is would you try to see if you could work through this if you had kids of course knowing it is gonna take a ton of time and also would you want to know details or should i drop asking about it because it is only making things worse.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have told my fiancé that no matter how bad we fought, i'd ALWAYS try to work it out, but if he cheated, it'd be done and over with. I'm not one who can get over things like that, I would end up losing all of my trust for him and I would really probably never forgive him. But, with that being said, that's just how I feel. If you feel like he wouldn't do it again and you want to keep trying for the sake of keeping your family together, and if you believe you can honestly forgive him, do what you need to do. Best of luck to you! Stay strong!

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have told my fiancé that no matter how bad we fought, i'd ALWAYS try to work it out, but if he cheated, it'd be done and over with. I'm not one who can get over things like that, I would end up losing all of my trust for him and I would really probably never forgive him. But, with that being said, that's just how I feel. If you feel like he wouldn't do it again and you want to keep trying for the sake of keeping your family together, and if you believe you can honestly forgive him, do what you need to do. Best of luck to you! Stay strong!

Omg I really feel 4 u at the minute! Honey it's really up 2 u what 2 do... Is he worth the heart ache?? Will u be able 2 trust him ever again? I broke off an engagement 4 1/2 years ago I had a 4yr old and a 1yr old wasn't easy but was the best thing I ever done. He was drinking and gambling that much I couldn't take it and not coming home 4 days! I'm now in a happy relationship and I 9w 2marrow... He adores my kids and I couldn't b happier! U don't have 2 stay with him just 4 the kids... I did that and it ended up being the worst thing I done they heard us fighting and saw me upset it wasn't fair on them! It's ur choice if u want 2 try or if u can't. Hope u and baby r ok just look after urself xx

Omg I really feel 4 u at the minute! Honey it's really up 2 u what 2 do... Is he worth the heart ache?? Will u be able 2 trust him ever again? I broke off an engagement 4 1/2 years ago I had a 4yr old and a 1yr old wasn't easy but was the best thing I ever done. He was drinking and gambling that much I couldn't take it and not coming home 4 days! I'm now in a happy relationship and I 9w 2marrow... He adores my kids and I couldn't b happier! U don't have 2 stay with him just 4 the kids... I did that and it ended up being the worst thing I done they heard us fighting and saw me upset it wasn't fair on them! It's ur choice if u want 2 try or if u can't. Hope u and baby r ok just look after urself xx

Whilst counselling may help you to work though this, I would demand that he gets counselling to work out why he's doing this. Don't take this on yourself, tell him he has to make the decision whether he wants to be with you, and to make that choice he needs to get perspective so he needs to get counselling and also tested for STDs as he could pass on an infection to you if he's messing around (i'm not trying to scare you but it is worth pointing out). Once he's made his decision then you have to make your decision about whether to stay with him. I would suggest this route as it forces him to make a positive decision rather than rely on your decision about whether to stay with him or not. I'm lucky never to have been in this position but my best mate has and she took the above approach. Good luck! xxx

Whilst counselling may help you to work though this, I would demand that he gets counselling to work out why he's doing this. Don't take this on yourself, tell him he has to make the decision whether he wants to be with you, and to make that choice he needs to get perspective so he needs to get counselling and also tested for STDs as he could pass on an infection to you if he's messing around (i'm not trying to scare you but it is worth pointing out). Once he's made his decision then you have to make your decision about whether to stay with him. I would suggest this route as it forces him to make a positive decision rather than rely on your decision about whether to stay with him or not. I'm lucky never to have been in this position but my best mate has and she took the above approach. Good luck! xxx

To be having to go through this at any time is not acceptable but when a woman is with child it always seems like its ever lower than low.... Babe I can't tell you what to do, I am sure you are wrestling in your own mind with what to do for the best, all I can say we will all have opinions on here, none are right and none are wrong but it's only you that has to live with the decisions you make and I hope you find the strength to do that, as whichever you choose it won't be easy. I can't speak for all the women on here but all I can say is that I will be here to listen to you and support you in whatever way I can. Hugs to you.... And stay strong, Bee xoxo

To be having to go through this at any time is not acceptable but when a woman is with child it always seems like its ever lower than low.... Babe I can't tell you what to do, I am sure you are wrestling in your own mind with what to do for the best, all I can say we will all have opinions on here, none are right and none are wrong but it's only you that has to live with the decisions you make and I hope you find the strength to do that, as whichever you choose it won't be easy. I can't speak for all the women on here but all I can say is that I will be here to listen to you and support you in whatever way I can. Hugs to you.... And stay strong, Bee xoxo

I did tell him that he has to make up his mind. i told him that if he wants to go out a f *****s then tell me but if you want your family you need to choose. i told him that the life i have is watching tv at night and in a few months there will be another infant and it is gonna be hard again for a while. i said my life is filled with poo and boogers and if he wants no part of it then leave and dont wait to do so because i am beaten emotionally now that you might as well get it over with. he assures me he wants his family back and says he is willing to do what it takes. i was just looking on line and it seems like there may be hope not everyone fails so i may try and see what happens. thank you for your advice

I did tell him that he has to make up his mind. i told him that if he wants to go out a f *****s then tell me but if you want your family you need to choose. i told him that the life i have is watching tv at night and in a few months there will be another infant and it is gonna be hard again for a while. i said my life is filled with poo and boogers and if he wants no part of it then leave and dont wait to do so because i am beaten emotionally now that you might as well get it over with. he assures me he wants his family back and says he is willing to do what it takes. i was just looking on line and it seems like there may be hope not everyone fails so i may try and see what happens. thank you for your advice

Good luck. You sound like a good strong lady and hopefully he'll see how lucky he is to have you and your family. Men are complete children...and they never seem to understand why we say that. They're completely adorable when they want to be and sulky toddlers otherwise ... but they tell us they're the sensible ones and we're hormonal!!! I do hope all works out for you. X

Good luck. You sound like a good strong lady and hopefully he'll see how lucky he is to have you and your family. Men are complete children...and they never seem to understand why we say that. They're completely adorable when they want to be and sulky toddlers otherwise ... but they tell us they're the sensible ones and we're hormonal!!! I do hope all works out for you. X

Wow! I'd ditch him, no debate!! I'm sorry but whatever "his" issues, surely you deserve better! FFS you're pregnant, what sort of decent man could do that? None! I'm harsh, but a cheater is the one thing I wouldn't tolerate. It is NEVER in any way, shape or form the fault of the cheated, and I firmly believe from experience, once a cheater, always a cheater and a cheater is ALWAYS a liar! Sorry hun, but I bet you'd make a better mum alone than you could as a used wife! And yes, get yourself a full sexual health screening ASAP for your and bubs sake!

Wow! I'd ditch him, no debate!! I'm sorry but whatever "his" issues, surely you deserve better! FFS you're pregnant, what sort of decent man could do that? None! I'm harsh, but a cheater is the one thing I wouldn't tolerate. It is NEVER in any way, shape or form the fault of the cheated, and I firmly believe from experience, once a cheater, always a cheater and a cheater is ALWAYS a liar! Sorry hun, but I bet you'd make a better mum alone than you could as a used wife! And yes, get yourself a full sexual health screening ASAP for your and bubs sake!

I have to say I agree with this previous post. I was in a relationship for three years and constantly cheated on but I didn't know it. There was one I kind of knew about and I made such a big deal out of it and he wormed his way out of it and I thought, like you, there was no way he would do it again. He did, constantly. I left him when I found out about him and a girl at his work. I know that is only my experience but also in my experience it is not always the best thing for your children to say in a relationship like that, there will probably be arguments and tension and that has a serious effect on their stress levels which can stay with them until adulthood (I am a product of this). Remember that he not only cheated on you but on your child and unborn child also, they do not deserve that. If you feel you can get through it and it will all be rosy then more power to you, You are a strong woman. I would suggest some time apart if you are going down this route as your pregnant. We are all here for you.

I have to say I agree with this previous post. I was in a relationship for three years and constantly cheated on but I didn't know it. There was one I kind of knew about and I made such a big deal out of it and he wormed his way out of it and I thought, like you, there was no way he would do it again. He did, constantly. I left him when I found out about him and a girl at his work. I know that is only my experience but also in my experience it is not always the best thing for your children to say in a relationship like that, there will probably be arguments and tension and that has a serious effect on their stress levels which can stay with them until adulthood (I am a product of this). Remember that he not only cheated on you but on your child and unborn child also, they do not deserve that. If you feel you can get through it and it will all be rosy then more power to you, You are a strong woman. I would suggest some time apart if you are going down this route as your pregnant. We are all here for you.

If you really wanna work it out and will forgive and move past is then do that. But if u r going to fight w him about it all the time That would b worse for the kids. I have a really good friend n her parents stayed togther for the kids. The kids hated them together n use to cry for them to divorce. My brother and his wife r also together for the kids n the kids can tell and they feel bad that the parents r miserable "cuz of them".

If you really wanna work it out and will forgive and move past is then do that. But if u r going to fight w him about it all the time That would b worse for the kids. I have a really good friend n her parents stayed togther for the kids. The kids hated them together n use to cry for them to divorce. My brother and his wife r also together for the kids n the kids can tell and they feel bad that the parents r miserable "cuz of them".

:( I don't even have words.... Pray. I have been cheated on by boyfriends and it's always a no return for me. If it were my husband and he lost my trust ..... I just don't think I would ever let him touch me. I'd run to family and start my life over.

:( I don't even have words.... Pray. I have been cheated on by boyfriends and it's always a no return for me. If it were my husband and he lost my trust ..... I just don't think I would ever let him touch me. I'd run to family and start my life over.

I won't lie I was in your shoes about two and a half years ago when I was pregnant with my second. I actually found him with her and lost it. I ended up in the hospital in preterm labor because of it. We split for a few months because I wanted nothing to do with him. After going to counseling I decided to try and work on our relationship. Honestly we have been great size then. He has changed and he realized what he almost (and did for a short time) lost. I know it will be the most difficult decision you will ever have to make but only you can do it. Follow your heart/mind and I wish you the best!

I won't lie I was in your shoes about two and a half years ago when I was pregnant with my second. I actually found him with her and lost it. I ended up in the hospital in preterm labor because of it. We split for a few months because I wanted nothing to do with him. After going to counseling I decided to try and work on our relationship. Honestly we have been great size then. He has changed and he realized what he almost (and did for a short time) lost. I know it will be the most difficult decision you will ever have to make but only you can do it. Follow your heart/mind and I wish you the best!

So sorry to hear this. My ex husband cheated (or not, he changed his story several times, and he's the kind of person that would tell that lie to make him self "look better") and he also drank too much and was uneducated for bipolar. It was too much for me, I found myself so apathetic about life in general there was just no way we were going to be happy. Like pp's have said, I really believe it could work out for you IF that's what you want and you both get counseling. If you can't move past it then it's better to let it go now. Good luck.

So sorry to hear this. My ex husband cheated (or not, he changed his story several times, and he's the kind of person that would tell that lie to make him self "look better") and he also drank too much and was uneducated for bipolar. It was too much for me, I found myself so apathetic about life in general there was just no way we were going to be happy. Like pp's have said, I really believe it could work out for you IF that's what you want and you both get counseling. If you can't move past it then it's better to let it go now. Good luck.

Oh my heart breaks for you. I am sorry he has done this. Last year, the day before thanksgiving, my husband of almost 6 years cheated on me and got her pregnant. Now we are season with all that on top of my risky pregnancy. There is absolutely nothing in this world or any other that anyone can say to help you feel better. You just have I do what you feel you need to do. I'm here if you need to talk! I'd be happy to give you my email address. Bless your heart, I know how much it hurts.

Oh my heart breaks for you. I am sorry he has done this. Last year, the day before thanksgiving, my husband of almost 6 years cheated on me and got her pregnant. Now we are season with all that on top of my risky pregnancy. There is absolutely nothing in this world or any other that anyone can say to help you feel better. You just have I do what you feel you need to do. I'm here if you need to talk! I'd be happy to give you my email address. Bless your heart, I know how much it hurts.

I'm sorry to hear what your going through. If it was me I would not forgive him esp if I had kids because he didn't even care for them as he cheated. I would leave him and move on but still let him be apart of my Childs life. He lied to you and will do it again.

I'm sorry to hear what your going through. If it was me I would not forgive him esp if I had kids because he didn't even care for them as he cheated. I would leave him and move on but still let him be apart of my Childs life. He lied to you and will do it again.

I'm so sorry this happened. I'm sorry also because if it was me I would leave. That is one thing that is unforgivable to me. They can do it again if they had the heart (or lack thereof) to do it once. You deserve better.

I'm so sorry this happened. I'm sorry also because if it was me I would leave. That is one thing that is unforgivable to me. They can do it again if they had the heart (or lack thereof) to do it once. You deserve better.

sweetie thats awful. not stress you need right now. im sorry. If it was me, i honestly could not fix that. there will always be trust issues that i dont think would be fixable for me. i would not work on it. but thats just me. if you truely think u could forgive him and move forward with knowing what you know then u should work on it. if you dont think you would be able to move forward i would let him go. i hope in someway ive helped you. good luck. i know its hard but try not to stress too much. you have precious cargo <3

sweetie thats awful. not stress you need right now. im sorry. If it was me, i honestly could not fix that. there will always be trust issues that i dont think would be fixable for me. i would not work on it. but thats just me. if you truely think u could forgive him and move forward with knowing what you know then u should work on it. if you dont think you would be able to move forward i would let him go. i hope in someway ive helped you. good luck. i know its hard but try not to stress too much. you have precious cargo <3

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