What To Do If Your Child Doesn't Want You To Watch His Football Game

Advice for Football Moms and Dads

Once, before one of my sons' football game, I ran
into my friend, Lauren, who was dropping off her son, Henry, for the
same game. As Henry and my sons dashed off to practice, I told her,
"I'll wait until you park, and we can walk over to the field
together." She looked at me dejectedly. "I won't be staying to watch
Henry's game," she said. "He told me in the car on the way over that he
didn't want me to come anymore."

Henry was only eight, yet he had strong
opinions about who could attend his games. I couldn't understand his
reasons, and when I asked Lauren, she was as perplexed as I was. I
started ticking off a list of possibilities for Lauren.

"You must be one of those moms who yell at him
from the sideline," I said half-jokingly, knowing that kids are
embarrassed by loud parents.

"No, that can't be the reason," she said. "I spend most of my time during the games knitting or chatting with other parents."

None of the other possible explanations for Henry's demand seemed to apply either.

Thinking that Henry might tell me why he felt the way he did, I volunteered to give him a ride home. Lauren agreed.

Negative Labels

In the car after the game, Henry and my three
boys were celebrating how well they had played. Henry was a bit sad
that his mom hadn't been there to see him play quarterback, as he had thrown a touchdown pass. I asked him why she had gone home. "Well, it's a long
story," Henry said, "but I don't like her to see me play poorly. In my
last game, I was a little confused with the plays. My mom tried to tell me what I did
wrong, and I didn't like it. She's never played football and doesn't
even know the rules."

Kids, especially under twelve, are always
seeking their parents' approval. Negative labels and generalizations
and criticism can have a devastating emotional impact.
If you critique your child's performance, she will interpret your
anger, disapproval, and disappointment as meaning that you don't love
her anymore; that your love is conditional.

Every child will have good football games and bad football games, so keep in mind a couple of points:

It is
important to keep the bad times in perspective. After a loss, your
child will most appreciate words of encouragement and a hug. Resist the
temptation to hash out everything that went wrong right after the game
or scrimmage on the way home in the car.

Just
like you after a hard day at work, kids just want to relax after a football game
or practice; it usually isn't the best time to talk to them. If you
want to talk about the game, do it when your child isn't stressed or
thinking about the game he just played. Children need to be given the
space to process the experience on their own and then move on.