From hero to zero just like that

Calling all my Hercules fans out that for that title
reference?

Anyway, moving on… Today is Time to Talk day, a day where we
all are encouraged to start conversations about mental health, to share how we’re
feeling and this year, our recipe for the perfect way to start talking.

Time to Talk Day

I’ve always been very good at talking about my mental health
in the past tense: I was ill, I was experiencing x, I was in hospital, I was
struggling with my mental health, but today I am. Every day I am.

Last Time to Talk day, I was in hospital but a couple of
months before that I was working, I was leaving the house, driving, going out
with friends. I was miserable, and suffering, a lot, but I was living. I wouldn’t
say hero like my title says, but zero is definitely the word I would use. I
went from a New Years Party, to a little over a week later sat in a hospital
bed, and a month later, sat in a hospital too scared to leave the grounds.

Today, I feel like I’m barely living at all. I go for dog walks,
and sometimes to the coop on a good day, but the world passes me by. I spent so
long running to keep up with the world, hobbling along while I did it, searching
for something to make things better, to make me whole again, but I was always
one step away from control, one step from beating the misery, and maybe one
step from living. And now? Maybe I’m a whole lot of steps from living. The
world turns one way, while I walk the other, and that’s okay.

The beautiful Lily

But I have glimmers of hope, friends who visit, text, call,
my beautiful cat and beautiful dog, my dad aka dog walking buddy aka safety
net, my mum aka problem solver, my sister aka all round good egg. I have glints
in the darkness of light and kindness and calm, and my suffering is not
conquered by them, nor overly lessened by them, but it is accompanied by them.
I face the darkness all the same, but I face it with an army.

So back to Time to Talk day. My recipe for starting a conversation on mental health?– One blog post– Two people– And a whole lot of space without judgement