Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Relationships: Square One.

Marie is in a dead end relationship. Yellow signs, cars making u-turns, and collisions could happen on a screen across her boyfriend’s face; and still you’d think she' didn’t realize it.

Jonathan has options. He can date whomever, whenever. It’s believed that he doesn’t realize the one girl who stands out of the bunch and has all the attributes to being the one.

Sheila is with a “good man.” Accustomed to heartbreak and disrespect, a man of this caliber is out of the ordinary. Leary of this newfound behavior she breaks it off, scared of unpredictability. We think she doesn’t realize that his intentions are genuine.

These people have three things in common.

1) They are all AWARE of their predicaments and have chosen to stay in them.

2) Where are they exactly? Square Ten: A comfortable safe place where risks, chances and changes never take place.

3) What are they afraid of? Square One: Starting all over again or taking on new/risky situations.

We are all guilty of self sabotage. Some of us are genuine in our philosophies: “Monogamous relationships are not for everyone.” Most of us harbor our true emotions and place shelters over how we really feel. The house, the kids and a family life have become the opposite of the norm. Thus some of us follow the trend.

I’ve watched women and men place shells over themselves continuously, until they become the little ethnic dolls that become smaller and smaller as we lift each cover. Isn’t that what we’re all afraid of? Being small? Being vulnerable in this mass of world around us?

Commitment means letting go of everyone else, chancing your heart on another human being and having to start all over if everything comes crashing down. Getting rid of a negative relationship means restarting. Trying again is hard, trying again and failing once more is even harder. God forbid you’re in a great relationship and you’ve never seen a healthy functional one. Sound the alarm! This guy/girl MUST be a serial killer, everything is too perfect. There’s too many risks involved.

Abort.

The fear of Square One is something that I’ve heard quite frequently these days. It seems as though no one is willing to take on the risks of relationships anymore. That’s understandable, with all these new no good men/women round here hurting each other. Oh wait, they’ve been around for centuries?!?! Go figure!

Life is a balance of good and evil. We take on things that have a skewed probabilities, everyday. Every time you get in a car or a plane you are ten times more likely to die than those walking. Every time you wake up to go to that stressful job, you lessen your life expectancy. Every time you pick up that bottle or cigar, you heighten your chance of ailment.

Relationships are no different. Standing in a corner, square one, will not keep you safe from all the things that you’ll confront along your stubborn way.

For the girl in the dead end relationship: Jump ship! What’s so scary about starting over again? Getting to know yourself? Hearing your own thoughts? Doing the whole late-night-conversation, mixed messages, will-there-be-another-date notions? There are far worst things in life.

For the guy who turns a blind eye to Ms. Perfect: What awaits you? More one night stands, an STD or an accidental child? As opposed to home-cooked meals, a companion and a future you can depend on? That scale looks pretty unbalanced to me.

For the girl who runs from love: He exists! He’s no fairytale or serial killer. (Okay, he might be. There’s a probability of that, but that’s besides the point.) He might just be exactly what you’ve been waiting on. Seize your moment!

I started at Square One three months ago. I put my heart in the hands of someone I didn’t completely know or trust. But, I took a chance. I confronted that risk. Now, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Who knows? We might not last, we might end on mutual terms or we could end up in eternal bliss. Only destiny and the deities know the outcome. I can’t worry myself to death about tomorrow. Like a hurricane, tomorrow comes and it goes. Despite our preparation, it still leaves destruction and turmoil. After that, we are only responsible the aftermath.

Aftermath: Dividing yourself from the negative, multiplying the possibilities and adding opportunity.