Friday, October 16, 2009

Are you familiar with a one Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Texas? Good Lord, this woman is ridiculous. She is the one who was going to have some sort of Michael Jackson Day pass through the Senate or something like that. She felt the need to wax poetic (or something like that) about Rush Limbaugh possibly being one of the investors who were going to buy the Rams. Now, first of all I'd like to point out that anyone who wants to buy the Rams in the first place needs to have their head examined, but solely for the reason that they want to buy the Rams. Not for any other reason.

I'll fully admit I'm not sure why the Rams are up for sale, though I am fairly certain I cannot afford to purchase said Rams even if I wanted to invest in an organization which specializes in mediocrity at best. I'm guessing it has something to do with their previous owner, a one Georgia Frontiere, having died in 2008. Don't get me wrong though. Just because I have no interest in buying the Rams doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to own an NFL team. That'd be awesome. You could make them do whatever you wanted. ("Today, you'll all be practicing in high heels...because I said so! Bwaaahh-hahahahaha!!")

But back to Sheila Jackson Lee, D(umbass)-Texas. For some reason, on the floor of the Senate the other day, she felt the need to give her opinion about Rush Limbaugh buying the Rams. Now, if you are blissfully unfamiliar with Rush Limbaugh, I will borrow my commentary from last week's Saturday Night Live sketch involving an excellent impersonation of a one James Carville. The sketch, in essence, pointed out that "Rush" was pretty much a misnomer for someone as large as Rush is, and that the only place that he was in a "rush" to was Quizno's. They also claimed that while President Barry won the Nobel Peace Prize Award, the only award that Rush Limbaugh was going to win would be the Nobel Piece of Pie Award. Translation: He's a large, fat man who is somewhat of a blowhard. (And by "somewhat" I mean he blows harder than any blowhard has ever blown.)

The man is the epitome of right wing. He is so right wing that if he were a bird, he'd only be able to fly in counter-clockwise circles. He seems to be operating under the self-proclaimed assumption that he is always correct because he says that he is. I find the man to be loathsome and insufferable. But that doesn't mean that I think that he shouldn't be allowed to buy an NFL team if he wants to and has the funds to do so. (And hoo-boy, does he ever have the funds!) I seem to be in the minority of those with that opinion.

There is actually somewhat of a discussion amongst those who discuss these things (ie, cable news shows) as to whether or not Rush Limbaugh should be allowed to purchase part of the Saint Louis Rams. Um, "be allowed"? I'm sorry, but what, exactly, other than not having enough money, would put one in a category of not "being allowed" to purchase something that they wanted to purchase? Wait! We're still....hold on....I've gotta check something!

Whew! OK. No need to panic. It's OK! We're still the United States of America! I was beginning to think that there had been some sort of change overnight or something (I do tend to sleep late, so who knows? I could have missed it!). Since there hasn't been the rapid dismantling of the capitalistic society we have spent the past 200+ years constructing, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I can't think of a single reason that Rush Limbaugh should be prohibited from attempting to buy an NFL team. And while I'm out on that limb, I'm going to say to all of the Al Sharpton's of the world, What do you think is going to happen if Rush does buy a team?

Seriously. WHAT could they possibly be afraid of? It can't possibly be his beliefs and his politics,c can it? Because I've got news for all of the softheads that think that is reason alone to disqualify him from contention. Hey, Al Sharpton cronies! Guess what? Just because you know what Rush Limbaugh thinks about things (or, you think you know what he thinks about things), that doesn't mean he's the only one who thinks that way, you jackasses! Do you think he'd be the only NFL owner who harbors his specific viewpoints? I don't think he would. He might be the fattest, but I have nothing to back that up, as I have not done a lineup of current NFL owners from smallest to largest by order of bodily girth.

Sheila Jackson Lee is in the category of softheads who think that Rush should not "be allowed" to buy a team. She gave her reasoning for such opinions on the floor of the Senate. I don't know why other than "because she could", I suppose. There's no "Let Limbaugh Buy The Rams" legislation or anything like that, she just felt like spouting off about what she thinks. The video of said spouting is below and it is highly entertaining. Well, it's highly entertaining if you're like me and you like watching these moronic politicians that think they have this gift of eloquent speech and really they're making no sense whatsoever to the point where you just start laughing at their idiotic arguments.

Her screed about the NFL team purchase attempt by Rush Limbaugh starts around 2:26. Let the thing buffer itself out and then just move the pointer to 2:26 and let the good times roll. I've provided a transcript of her screed along with my own little commentary (naturally). Hopefully I will be able to illustrate for the dim-bulbed out there (hey, but thanks for reading!) how asinine not only the argument is, but how asinine she is. Ahem! Behold!

Let me, finally, move to another topic an offer my thoughts even though I believe in the First Amendment and the freedom of association.(Um, I thought the First Amendment was freedom of speech. Speech does consist of words. Perhaps you're thinking of "word association" and are just confused.) But I stand with the NFL Player's Association. (Is it because you look like a linebacker?) Not to make Rush Limbaugh any kind of national standard or a national hero or the national issue. I'll let my friends on the other side of the aisle determine what he is and what he is not.(On the other side of the aisle? What aisle? Like a movie theater aisle? Are your friends ushers? Why is there always gum on the floor when I go to the movies?)But I know that he is not the kind of owner that the NFL needs. (The NFL doesn't need an owner. It's the Rams who need an owner.)He does not represent the fullness(Have you seen Rush lately? He absolutely represents fullness!) of appreciation of athletes of all diverse backgrounds, no matter what he wants to pretend to say (How do you "pretend to say" something on the radio? Open your mouth like you're going to speak, but nothing comes out?)on his radio station. (Um, he doesn't have A radio station. He is heard on various radio stationS, but he does not have his own.)But he is one who is divisive. (He doesn't look like he can be divisive. He looks like the Rock of Gibraltar.) Just as they are about to select him as a judge for, uh, Miss America contest(Contest? I believe the word you're looking for is "pageant". He's been selected as a judge for the Miss America Pageant.), I can't understand that but that is their choice.(Who even gives a fat rat's ass about the Miss America Pageant in the first place?)Maybe they think he'll bring in millions of listeners(listeners of...beauty pageants?), but can you imagine a poor girl scared already to be able to ask a question(The girls aren't asking the questions, you pinhead. They're answering them!) about the person she admires most and she says somebody that happens to be of a different political affiliation? She is, of course, not a winner. (Just that she was in a beauty pageant to begin with might indicate that she's not a winner. Then again, 49 of those contestants AND Miss Puerto Rico, won't be "winners" either.)But that's their decision. (Yes. We've established that the Miss America Pageant can do whatever the hell they want. Give you any ideas about how the NFL should be run?!)NFL has become one of America's pastimes. (Um, NFL is not a sport. The NFL makes a little more sense. Are you from Canada where the college students "go to university"?)All of us from all walks of life and economic backgrounds look at the NFL. (Perhaps you look at it, perhaps you only glance. I, on the other hand, I watch the NFL.) I know that there are far better owners that could be selected than one package that has this gentleman in it.(You're going to need more than just one package for anything that has Rush Limbaugh in it.)I'd ask the NFL owners to put standards in place. Criteria. Base it on integrity, not just the bottom buck.(Were you crying out for the NFL to have standards and integrity when they allowed Michael Vick, federally convicted and admitted dog torturer and murderer back in the NFL? Were you screaming then? No? Then what say you pipe down now?)Anybody that wants to call a playbuu...uh, a quarterback, in...uhhhh, in...Pennsylvania and call him out, he happens to be African American, as not being competent, as just being somebody that the media has promoted, as not being talented, interestingly enough, that football player is...uh...happens to still be playing and doing a great job. (I'm assuming she is referring to Donovan McNabb, but I'm not sure. I'm almost certain she is NOT referring to Jam-Orca Russell, the overweight QB for the hapless Oakland Raiders. But guess what? As a sports fan and/or spectator, I call players incompetent and overrated all the time and I don't care what color they are! If they suck, they suck! As a sports fan/spectator, no matter who you are, you're allowed to give you opinion on the degree of suckiness of the players. It's what we, as fans who cannot play the game, actually do.) I don't know why in the heck, other than the big dollar, that Rush Limbaugh would be interested in the NFL. (Why, in the heck, are other owners interested in it? Is it so inconceivable to you that the man likes football? Granted, wanting to buy the Rams is perplexing all the way around, as they are a suckfest, but what other reasons are there?) And so, we're not interested in him either. And I would hope, though this is not my choice, this is not a government issue as well as it is an issue of integrity for those of us who believe that this is a great sport that brings all of us together. (Lady, if there is one thing that does divide people, it's sports. That's why there are opposing teams!! If we were all on the same side, there wouldn't be anyone to play against!) I would hesitate to say(I think you mean that you would not hesitate to say. See, if you DID hesitate to say, you would have shut up by now.) that he is not someone who brings people together and I just simply ask those owners to do the right thing. Have a criteria, a standard, a bottom line of integrity. (There are thugs, rapists, murderers, DUI-ers, petty criminals, assaulters, and dog torturers in the NFL. The bottom line is NOT integrity!) It's not all about the dollar. (You're right. It's also about winning!) It's about the value of sports and team work and working together and bringing young people together(Aren't those three things all the same?) and looking at values that are not political,(But you ARE supposed to be looking at things that are political, what is why I cannot figure out why you're wasting time spouting this crap on the Senate floor when it has no basis and no merit!) that are about simply us getting along as a nation and being admired by the world for having a great sporting , uh, community if you will.(Actually, no, I won't. The world doesn't admire the US for our sports! Until we have a national soccer team and we play soccer on Sundays instead of football, we're looked down upon for our sports.)Whether it's baseball or basketball or football, tennis, golf, that's what it's about, NFL owners. (Wait. Tennis and golf are what it's about for the NFL owners?! Wow. Be glad she isn't buying a team!) Have some integrity. I think you need a different owner team.(And I think you need to tell me what the hell a "different owner team" is.) Thank you, I yield back.(Thank you, I pound my head.)