Surviving in a Mental Hospital

Vladimir Guzhov, Dana Liz

No matter how
sane and rationally thinking you are, you always have a risk of being
placed into a mental hospital. Especially high is this risk if you
practice any occult things or consume psychedelic substances.
Generally, anything that makes you different from others in any
regard can become a reason to put you into the Cuckoo's Nest. It can
be the police that has caught you for something minor and questioned
your mental health. Or (if you are a teenager) your parents can do it
of absolutely good intentions (which pave the road… you know where
this road goes). It can be just an accident… yes, a real accident:
one guy fell down from a cottage roof, and people decided that it was
a suicide attempt (a real case!). Or (a real case again): a guitar
broke down leaving scars on another guy's wrist and he got there as
an attempted suicide. It can be ordinary health issues, like
headaches or a sport injury on the head. Many ways go to the Cuckoo's
Nest.

If you got there, you can meet all kinds of strange
people: observers of aliens and ghosts, mathematicians that went mad
of their formulas, alcohol addict artists and musicians, users of all
possible drugs, criminals that committed something really mad... What
you cannot find in the mental hospital is two things: law and human
rights. Remember this: no law and no rights can protect you if you
are a mental patient. Whatever you do, psychiatrists can always
declare you non compos mentis, and there is no way to appeal against
their expertize. Whatever you do, it's always interpreted as symptoms
of a mental illness. Therefore – be extremely careful.

First
of all, do all your best to not to get there. If you got a head
injury or whatever other reason to consider sending you to the mental
clinic – try to play an as boring and ordinary person as you can.
Say that you don't feel any differences from before, you don't see,
hear or smell anything unusual. Say that you don't believe in god,
devil, UFOs, whatever else... that you're not interested in
occultism, mysticism, horror or porno movies and stories. Say that
you like all the people, world and society around you. Say that you
don't remember when you've had a headache or sad mood last time. Say
that you're not afraid of darkness, skyscraper roofs, insects, mice…
otherwise they will write in your file that you are getting into
panic of all of this. If you see a plane in the sky – don't notice
it, otherwise they will write that you are “seeing planes in the
sky” (yes, a real case). If you have difficulties in memorizing
things – forget about this.

If, despite of all your
effort, they are carrying you to the mental hospital, – don't
resist. Try to be as calm as you can, because the first impression of
you counts much for you fate there. Answer their questions with
simple phrases, keep on playing a boring person, and don't
protest.

Don't even dream of being released from the
mental hospital after a couple of days. If you got there for some
minor reason, you are going to make from one to three weeks. There is
much that depends on you; one can say that your fate in the mental
hospital counts so:
30% – severity of the reason why you are
there;
60% – your behavior there, what you are saying and
doing;
10% – individual features of the doctors and the
institution.
Anyway, be prepared for a long stay there; if they
assign a psychiatric condition on you, you are going to spend at
least two months in the institution.

Don't be scared of
other patients in the mental hospital. They look so weird because of
the medicine they are taking; if you take everything prescribed for
you, you'll become such a lunatic too. Make good relationships with
the other patients; they can tell you, which medications you can
safely take, which are better to throw away, and which are worth
sparing for future psychedelic trips.

Again, try to look
calm, play an ordinary boring person as much as you can. If you know
the reason why you are there, confirm a very-very mild version of it.
Be polite with the hospital staff and make an impression that you
trust them – but never trust them even a single cent. What
psychiatrists tell you differs from what they are thinking, and what
they write in your file is different from what they are thinking and
saying. You cannot guess what the doctor is thinking about you; this
is him who can read you like a book, not vice versa.

However,
the author of this book is you. The doctor is not a magician; you
have a chance to tell him what you need for getting out to freedom as
soon as possible. What we can recommend is the following:
1.
Keep the eye contact and don't blink too often.
2. Sit calm and
relaxed.
3. Don't make a “closed” pose, i.e. don't cross
arms and legs.
4. When making gestures with your hands, turn the
palms up – this is an “asking” gesture.
5. You can
complain about the conditions in the institution, but not about any
health issues or personal difficulties. The staff has to be sure that
you don't have any problems.
6. Call the doctors by name, this
makes a more friendly impression of you,
7. Try to look open and
friendly; don't show any signs of depression or bad mood.
8.
When the psychiatrist is asking you questions, give a more detailed
answer, try to guess where he is leading the conversation. Sometimes
they keep on asking the same dumb questions on and on, expecting you
to start talking about something unrelated, but they never ask it
directly. Try to use your intuition (logic cannot help here) and
guess.

It's possible to survive in a mental hospital for
long time, but if you have relatives and friends whom you can trust,
use your chance to get out with their help.

1. Sometimes
you can get released under the responsibility of your close relative.
However, this person needs to be persistent in the intent to get you
out.

2. Jailbreak is risky, but sometimes possible. You
goal is not just to escape from the institution, but also to hide
somewhere afterwards. This is where you need help from your
friends.

Probably, it's better to run away in early
morning. This is the time when a person with strange clothes looks
less suspicious than it could be in the evening. Also, you will have
a whole day for going as far away as possible, while tonight the
police is more active and most bus lines don't run.

Never
try to escape via the main entrance; this is what they expect and
what they already have countermeasures against. The best is to run
through the kitchen, or truck unloading place, or something like
this. Think in advance, how you shall climb over the fence.

After
you have run away, be careful and act unpredictably. Don't go to the
nearest bus stop; instead, sneak to another district and take a bus
from there. They can be hunting you with dogs; do what you can to
make them lose your track. This is why it's better to escape on a
rainy day.

Don't go home: they are already waiting for you
there. Go to your friend whom you can trust. Then do what you can do
to legalize your getting out from the mental hospital: contact human
rights advocacy groups, or a trusted relative who can take you under
personal responsibility.

The last, but not the least, of
what you need for your escape is money. Looking for bottles and tins
in trash cans could be an idea, but probably not the best one when
you have the hospital clothes on. It's better to ask a friend or
relative whom you can trust to bring you a book to read and smuggle a
banknote between the pages.