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If Democrats had any brains, they'd be Republicans

A compilation of hundreds of quotations by the controversial conservative spokesperson offers observations on Democrats, dating, environmentalism, religion, evolution, Reagan, terrorism, television, and hundreds of other topics.

Introduction : liberals and the woman who hates them --
Airport security : make imams take buses --
Baby-killing: abort liberals, not children --
Blacks : the only thing standing between the Democrat Party and oblivion --
George W. Bush : the guy I'd most like to have a nonalcoholic beer with --
Christians : must reproduce more --
Bill Clinton : he left a mark on history that may never come out --
Hillary Clinton : the smartest woman in the world! --
Colleges : the English translation of "madrassa" --
Communism : a new fragrance by Hillary Clinton --
Ann Coulter : my quotes about me! --
Crime and punishment : preferably a two-step process --
Dear Ann : free advice worth every penny --
Democrat ideas (see also: Marx, Lenin) --
Democrats' virtues : points of light in a sea of darkness --
Elections : it only encourages them --
Environmentalism : Adolf Hilter was the first environmentalist --
Evolution, alchemy, and other "settled" scientific theories --
Foreigners, or the "non-soap oriented" --
Gays : no gay left behind! --
Girls : chicks hate it when you call them "girls" --
Guantanamo : room service, I'd like seventy-two virgins, please --
Guns : the constitutional right you can carry in your purse --
Hollywood : they ought to be committed--oops, they already are! --
Immigration : this is ours, that is yours--
say, do you do windows? --
Iraq : a new reality show --
Teddy Kennedy : apparently fat, drunk, and stupid is a way to go through life --
John Kerry : "Who among us does not love NASCAR?" --
The language police : can't we have more real police? --
Liberal "argument" : hissing, scratching, and hair pulling --
"Liberal patriotism" and other oxymorons --
Liberal religion : American idolatry --
Liberals in alphabetical order, or why I sometimes waver on abortion --
Liberal tactics : distortion, dissembling, deception--
and the rest is just run-of-the-mill treason --
McCarthyism : calling communist "communists" --
The military--their pet peeve : keeping George Clooney safe --
Morals : get Chuck Schumer over here, I don't want to have to explain this twice! --
Muslims : Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and a moderate Muslim walk into a bar --
The New York times : don't look now, but the old gray lady is on a respirator --
Old media : imagine an open sewer with coupons, want ads, and your horoscope --
Ronald Reagan, or why I sometimes waver on human cloning --
Republicans : aren't they magnificent? --
Scandals : there's a new museum dedicated to them in Little Rock, Arkansas --
Sex : "virile pacifist" is an oxymoron --
Supreme Court : I haven't been officially approached as yet, but thanks for asking --
Taxes : how about amnesty for "the wealthy"? --
The war on terrorism : peacenik pacifists to the rescue!

Abstract:

A compilation of hundreds of quotations by the controversial conservative spokesperson offers observations on Democrats, dating, environmentalism, religion, evolution, Reagan, terrorism, television, and hundreds of other topics.