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Beauty isn’t health or worth, professionally or personally

When I say beauty, I’m talking about conventional standards of attractiveness. Thin, taught, tanned and toned. Youth. Perfect skin, white teeth, long hair. Pert boobs and butt, hairless skin save a flowing mane on the head with matching sharp eyebrows. A “healthy” person may look more attractive than an unhealthy person, but more and more it’s becoming obvious that what people consider healthy looking can be anything but, and people either have no idea about what markers of healthy actually are (or more likely they decide to ignore and go with what suits youth and their personal aesthetic preferences.)

I’ve been told by many people over the years from relatives, club owners, pornographers, fellow sex workers, escort agency owners to randoms on the street, that I’d just be more beautiful if I was just “healthier”. If I put down the chips and worked out more, if I had long and healthy feminine hair, if I just had some basic decency and did some healthy personal grooming by shaving off all my body hair. Maybe I should get some sun they suggest, then I wouldn’t be so unhealthy and pale.

The fact people should STFU and stop giving unsolicited advice aside, the thing is, I’m not unhealthy. I don’t eat chips, or really, sweets at all. None of the things that people suggest to me have been correct, or about health, mine or otherwise. They are about aesthetic preferences that people masquerade as health concerns.

My heritage is Irish, Scottish, Welsh & English. Pale folks with lots of curves, freckles, and dark hair. No amount of sunlight will safely change my complexion. I’ll stay white as a sheet and gain a few freckles, or like many of my relatives living in UV radiation nightmare Australia- skin cancer. My complexion is perfectly healthy, and I can’t be compared to folks with olive skin. Thats not how “health” works. I currently have a natural bust of 10FF (32FF) , and at my slimmest (when I suffered from an eating disorder, and had organ failure nearly leading to my death fro severe malnourished around 2009), my breasts where sized 8D. Basically, I’m a woman with large breasts. No matter how skinny or fat I am, I have large breasts, and large breasts have weight to them. Add that to gravity and well, they don’t float up like balloons. Thats also got nothing to do with health! The sentiment that it is, is ludicrous.

Earlier this year I was told by an escort agency owner in no uncertain terms that my body was too “unhealthy” looking to be worth “good money”. My belly, thighs, hips and breasts weren’t “healthy”. She spouted the values and praises of her other girls, who by her account all ate very small, low carb meals and worked out for a few hours daily, keeping food and workout logs, timing their sleeping to make sure they where getting enough, and who used special products on their skin to make sure they didn’t get wrinkles from sex or smiling.

She asked me if I’d be interested in [clickandtweet handle=”” hashtag=”” related=”” layout=”” position=””]cosmetic surgery, liposuction and teeth bleaching… Clearly we where talking about here.[/clickandtweet]

I pointed out that my Doctor considers me healthy, that my diet is naturally quite low carb (I don’t eat bread, pasta, starchy foods like potatoes, or sugars including fruit very often, as I don’t enjoy them.). I do a moderate amount of exercise based on what my physiotherapist recommends with my injuries & disability, and am working on doing more as I recover. I explained my thighs and hips being larger than the rest of me was healthy, as all women in my family (even the super fit sporty ones!) had those features. I also made it clear my breasts where perfectly healthy (Unless they are cancerous or something, not sure how they can be unhealthy anyway?). She inquired about my teeth, which are perfectly straight albeit lightly stained from drinking coffee. I’d barely call them even yellowing. I asked what she meant. Her reply? She asked me if I’d be interested in cosmetic surgery, liposuction and teeth bleaching. Yep. That happened. Clearly we where talking about health here.

Vintage Smoking ad: Smoking promotes slimness and often “health” in old ads, like plastic surgery and teeth/anal bleaching are promoted as normal, beautiful and “healthy” today.

None of the above things have much to do with health for the average person, especially mentally. Some people may think that’s a perfectly normal or healthy thing to do a full, heavy work out every day. I’d say perhaps for an athlete they might be correct (I suppose you could say SW can fit that definition!) However, Working out every day without rest, without fail doesn’t sound healthy. It sounds obsessive. As does tracking, planning and eating tiny amounts on fad diets which many, many, many studies suggest make you in fact unhealthier, and shorten your lifespan (1, 2), without medical advisement, when you are a perfectly healthy weight. Same goes for counting every hour you sleep and buying snake oil to make sure you don’t age (god forbid you look like you live a happy life with smile lines, fuck!), and trying to force everyone to fit a certain body type and composition regardless of who they are and how they are built sounds super unhealthy. It sounds just like the life of people I know who suffer from body dysmorphic disorder (BDD).

I get a lot of this type of unsolicited advice in the adult industry. Apparently much like abuse (verbal and physical, including sex assault), I should just expect to hear peoples opinions, fetishes and preferences trotted out as ‘fact’, as “appearance is all I’m worth anyway” . Except that’s total bullshit. I offer more than just my looks. My looks are the least of my services. While many people pick porn, escorts, dancers and other sex work type services based off the appearance of the worker they like, there is often a lot more at play- especially for repeat clients, fans and followers. Often people talk about how sex work is “objectifying” by it’s very nature, and I find it funny that so often they are the ones who do actual the objectifying- implying women like me are worth nothing but out exterior, and demand a pricing structure fit women accordingly for their work based on how young, thin, white and “fit” they look.

If I wanted your opinion on what was hot, what I should change about myself to be more profitable or marketable in a certain niche: I’d ask a professional with XP. If I wanted an opinion on how I can be more healthy or if I’m healthy: I’d ask, someone whose opinion matters, like a doctor. What gives someone a boner or not doesn’t make that preference related to health. Unsolicited opinions are just that- unsolicited, and if that’s whats being offered (or shoved down my throat) then I don’t care to hear it. Clearly that persons opinion doesn’t’ mean anything to me as they’ve likely no respect or they’d not be forcing unwanted, shaming, personal opinions on me like they where fact, without asking.

[clickandtweet handle=”” hashtag=”” related=”” layout=”” position=””]If I diet it’s going to be for my health- not to starve off natural deposits of fat to please this eras body fad.[/clickandtweet]

If I work out it will be for my own health, strength and well being, nor to try and become a body shape I’m not so I’m not treated as lazy, fat or stupid for being born into my own body.

If I make cosmetic changes to my body (such as my upcoming cosmetic tattoos) it will be for my own preferences and convenience, not because people seem to feel entitled for me to look a certain way as a sex worker.

And if people don’t like that, or think that means I’m not worth their time I wish them all the best with someone who suits them. I’ve got friends, fans, followers & clients a plenty who enjoy my company, skills, brain & body just the way I am.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best, look a certain way, training hard, dieting, shaving or those sorts of things. However, promoting lifestyle choices such as hair removal, teeth bleaching, cosmetic surgery, hair dying, skin tanning or bleaching, or chemical skin peels is “healthy” or “health related” is bogus. It’s got nothing to do with health and everything to do with aesthetics preferences.
Diet and exercise are the only things among what I’ve listed that relate to health, and those things as they relate to health can’t be judged solely on what people look like. Young, slim, toned people aren’t necessarily more healthy than others. Take it from someone who “used to be so pretty and fit!” right before she had organ failure and a nervous breakdown from starvation. I was treated with much more respect, admiration & politeness when I was very seriously underweight, and people told me I looked healthy and amazing. People & society have no fucking idea what healthy looks like. They have a stereotype, and a preferred figure that whimsically changes with the seasons and the years just like the rest of fashion.

I may be considered fatter, less conventionally attractive, and unhealthier because I don’t fit a body type ideal, like my natural body hair, and don’t find the idea or bleaching my teeth or my anus very appealing: But I’m healthier and physically fitter than I’ve ever been as an adult: mentally and physically. Let’s stop pretending my appearance as it relates to beauty, marketability, and worth as a sex worker has anything to do with health. It really, really doesn’t.

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4 Comments

What a brilliant way of putting things Aeryn! I find all these “things you can do to improve yourself” a total croc of shit,I’m 55,overweight and the last time I had a day off work was in 2003! Oh and I’m Diabetic, So people look at me as though I ought to lose weight,but I’m happy as l am, thing is unless people look like celebrities, they are ignored in the present culture,because that’s how they’ve been brainwashed into thinking,if you don’t like yourself you can get “fixed”! It’s not an ideal world anymore.

Sounds like someone needs a holiday!! (Both of us actually by the sound of it 🙂 ) If you’re happy as you are that’s awesome!
I don’t think there is anything wrong with self improvement, if its something that a person wants to do, but like all things doing it for someone else isn’t great. It’s a shame that we don’t encourage people to be happy in themselves, and do self improvement for self if wanted, by try and cram people into molds.
Sorry to hear about diabetes, that sucks. Lots of my family members have it and it can make life really tough.

Thank you for taking the time to reply,I was wondering ,because you write so well,are there any plans for novel in the future? Surely you have some instances where you’ve thought that would make a good story!

It’s something I’ve considered, but I’m not sure it would be profitable enough to be worth my time. I’m a minimum wage worker (including my site into those funds), so any time not spent working isn’t very feasible right now.