Am I being reasonable!?

So my wedding is in two weeks (sept 5th) and today my best friend texts me and basically says they aren’t coming to my wedding. They are supposed to by my witness. We are having a super small sunrise ceremony, so I just have one.

Their response was ‘well why can’t you just ask Angela (one of my other close friends) to be your person’. Never mind the fact that Sarah is gender queer & NOT wearing a dress and Angela most certainly will wear a dress.

keep in mind, I bought their outfit & hotel room. They just needed to get here (about a 7hr drive). Their passport as been expired for a year & they still havent renewed it. They are in Canada & I’m in the US. have been very close since high school.

Am ni being reasonable for being upset? They have helped via skype & text to plan the stupid wedding & were more than excited to be part of it.

Okay firstly: Why can’t your witness be wearing a dress? Can you just ask Angela to not wear a dress if it’s really important to you?

Secondly: did something come up? Why can’t Sarah make it now? How did they feel about it? Were they sorry? I would try to be as understanding as possible because if Sarah is a long-term friend, they will still be your friend after the wedding too and I wouldn’t want you to burn any bridges with them.

The reason behind Sarah not attending was a concern over money (I offered to pay for their bus ticket) and the well known passport issue.

So the reason I mentioned a dress is because I had a super cute bridesmaid dress picked out but Sarah wasn’t comfortable in a dress due to the gender stuff. So we found them a nice color coordinating outfit that was our wedding colors.

Now I’m 2 weeks out and need to find a cute mint bridesmaid dress for Ang so she will match. Or at least something coordinating.

skalovingbride: did they give a reason as to why they can no longer make it?

I would be extremely upset as you paid for their room and outfits and they are playing a very vital part in your wedding.

But cant you ask you friend Angela to wear something other than a dress if she has to fill in?

EDIT: just saw your update. I think you have the right to be mad because the passport thing could have been taken care of a while ago (def. needs more than 2 weeks for processing) so for them just to mention it now is not very nice.

I can understand when people have money issues, when there isn’t any there just isn’t any. It just sounds like an unfortunate situation all around. You offered to pay, are they really against you paying more? Maybe they coukd pay you back for the travel over time?

I am so beyond confused; what does Sarah not wearing a dress and Angela wearing a dress have to do with it? I don’t think you’re unreasonable for being upset that your friend is not attending your wedding, especially if you’ve paid for all this stuff. But why can’t she come? This is so confusing.

anonybee0810: the reason I mentioned the dress was because I paid a good amount of money for an outfit for Sarah and now need to quickly turn around and find a dress for Angela (they are the same size).

Sarah isnt coming because of the passport (an issue that they have been aware of for months) and the money for a bus ticket even though I offered to pay for it

skalovingbride:OMGMrsW2B: Ohhhhh, I get it. Yes, that is majorly inconvenient. Maybe just ask Angela if she owns a neutral-coloured dress or offer to subsidize the cost of a dress in the colour you’d prefer (like pay for half of it)? You’re not unreasonable for being upset, at all.

Btw… she can fast track her passport, and she gets up to a year to do the ‘simple-renewal’ process. If it’s just over they might be reasonable. Also do you know the border crossing? I grew up on the border and some are more lenient than others, especially when driving across the border as opposed to flying. I was allowed over the border with an expired passport when I showed my receipt that I was renewing my passport, and that was just to see the 4th of July fireworks, a wedding is much more important.

Anywho, sorry for the passport rant. But, if that truely is the only issue, it isn’t an issue. You can get a passport before your wedding by going to a designated passport office. So yay! Plus you offered to pay to get them there… so now there isn’t an issue. Unless Sarah just legit doesn’t want to come, that’s your only real issue.

skalovingbride: The passport thing is total BS (unless she doesn’t live in a town with a passport counter). I got mine within a week without paying rush fees and my previous passport had been expired for a few years. That really sucks that your friend is being so flaky. I would just do a belt or something in mint that can coordinate with the black dress to make it easier.