A life lived in the feminine. Hear my tales.

Month: September 2015

For most single and divorced parents, getting to meet an ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend before the kids do is not even an option. Your ex wouldn’t think of even bothering to do that, but if your ex takes your opinion seriously and wants you to get a feel for his new partner before your children meet her, do you go? Or do you say, “No thanks”?

In my opinion, unless it’s incredibly hard for you (we’ll discuss this later), you should go!

Before you decide to settle down with another woman, you might want to read this.
In fact, I am pretty sure that grabbing another beer rather than another relationship is a much better idea for you, and here’s why.
From woman to man:

Beer Nurtures Your Bones, Women Break Them:
Beer contains silicon which is linked to bone health. Women contain mood swings and other volatile elements which are bound to make us want to smack you instead of cuddle you.

Every time there’s discipline to be given out, you call on Dad to break out the tough act. As much as you know your child is making a bad choice, you can’t seem to command respect from your child or pull the trigger when it comes to discipline, so there’s your partner, the dad, putting on the tough-guy act.

If you see yourself in the above paragraph, you might be making Dad the bad guy all the time, and that’s not good. While many of us were more intimidated by the idea of an angry father than an angry mother growing up, when we make Dad the “bad guy” all the time, it’s not much fun for Dad, not to mention our children will not grow to have a decent, healthy respect for us. Not that fear equals respect, because it doesn’t, but if we are the ones to give out consequences and show that we are comfortable doing so, our kids will respect us and what we are asking.

You’ve met a guy and he seems great! So great that you want to introduce him to your kids, but somehow, that hasn’t happened yet. Why? Well, there’s always some sort of “reason” and you’re starting to wonder what’s going on with this man. Is he afraid to meet your kids? Maybe!

Or perhaps he has met the kids, but he doesn’t seem to end up spending any time with them because something seems to “come up.” Is he avoiding them? Maybe!

Before you start carving your initials in stone with the new beau, figure out if your new guy is avoiding meeting the kids.

I’m so thankful to not be depressed. Depression might just be one of the worst things ever because it’s as if you’re sinking no matter how hard you try to swim to the surface. It’s as if you’re bound and gagged and no matter what knife you use to slice the bounds, you can’t.

I’m what they call a bubbly, effervescent woman, but I’ve experienced depression in my life. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 14.8 million American adults have Major Depressive Disorder per year. That’s a lot of people.

So, whether you’ve been depressed for a few days, during a traumatic incident or breakup, for months or years, or perhaps you haven’t been depressed but know someone who has, chances are you’ve loved someone with depression before. Or been the depressed lover, as it were.

I’m not writing this to start a parenting war. I’m not writing this because I think I know better or I think parents who use tablets and technology with their children are bad parents. I don’t think that at all. I’m writing this because it’s important to me to hash out why I think holding off on constant technology use is so important. Every child is different, and each parent has his or her own unique challenges and methods of dealing with his or her kids. Sometimes, a tablet is a necessary evil and useful learning and play tool. To me, technology is not an all-or-nothing conversation but rather something that needs to be monitored and tweaked, especially at such a young age.

Ever since the caveman days, men have been saying “no” with ease. But women? It’s almost as if we’re allergic to saying the word “no.” It doesn’t matter how logical our reason is for saying no, we still somehow feel bad when we have to let someone down for any reason.

Somehow, we believe that the world’s fate and our friend, lover, neighbor, associate, family member’s happiness rests on our shoulders when it’s not true.

I find myself to be an assertive person, but I still find myself fumbling to say no more often than not — or worse, giving some wordy explanation or multiple explanations as to why I’ve said no.

I can’t simply say “no” without feeling badly and I know there are a million other women like me, so I’ve decided to take back my right to say no by taking lessons from men, and so should you, ladies. We’re not here to please everyone!

It’s hard to not love your kid and want to be good to him or her or them (if you’ve got more than one), but sometimes it’s easier to spoil our kids than we realize. When you’re the one doing the parenting, it’s hard to look outside of yourself and analyze your actions from time to time. Have you had people or family members say your kid is a brat? Do you think your kid is a brat? Sometimes? Every child is bratty on occasion, but if you spoil a child too much, you end up with a Veruca straight out of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, and we all know what happened to her! Before your kid gets drowned in a sea of chocolate or falls into a garbage chute, decide if your child is too spoiled, and then what happens next? As a former teacher, it was easy to see which kids were doted on at home and facing a cold, harsh reality in real life, but it was hard to change anything without the parents’ help. Don’t be immune to admitting you’ve gone wrong with the spoiling. The later you start to change, the harder it is to see results with your child, but it’s better late than never!

Did you just get a divorce? Did your partner walk out on you or vice versa? Is your child’s dad out of the picture? Whether this happened today or happened from the conception of your child, budgeting on your own can be tricky, especially if it’s something you’ve never done on your own before.

I had lived on my own before I met my ex-husband, but during the duration of our relationship and marriage, he managed the budget and money, so when it came time for me to take over my finances, I was nervous because it fell all on me and I didn’t want to make any mistakes, because hey — money mistakes are costly, pun intended! Here are some tips and thoughts on budgeting, single mom style!