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Friday, July 30, 2010

A Butterfly in a Lemon

I have a lot of things on my mind these days. I've always been a worrier, and I have these little spurts, usually late at night, when I hear a particular song or see something on TV (i.e. tonights viewage of choice - Forrest Gump). And when times is hard, I tend to make lists.

My dear, dear friends Eddie and Tyler are going to be in New York starting Sunday night, making it the closest, distance-wise, I will have been to these guys in six months. It's around a three or four-hour bus ride up to NYC, and a roundtrip ticket doesn't cost an unbelievable amount. I can't describe how much I would love to see my friends, but I wish someone else would, for once, take over the reins and deal with logistics. The wholeconcept can only be described as thrilling. I think I would have the best few days of my life. But I can't help but worry about the spontaneity of such an amazing idea.

I went to what's called Preview Day at American University here in DC today. It's one of the schools on my list. I'm not going to ramble about AU, but I will say that whenever the college topic comes back up, it just brings back this whole new wave of concerns. Money, what I want to do with my life, where I want to be located, what I want to study - I've always thought of myself as a decisive person, capable of making decisions, but this process always flips that on its head and makes me doubt myself. There are so many things to think of that sometimes my head just hurts and I get so sick of it all and all I want to do is cry.

And as always, there are man issues. For the sake of some of my readers, I won't get into the details, but we've all been in relationships and we've all had the same drama and emotions and we all know how that can affect a person. It's hard, and it's tiring, and it just adds to the other shit we have to deal with.

I think that's all I have for now.

If anyone out there has any suggestions to get rid of the butterflies and the shaky hands and the knitted eyebrows, I will be so grateful to hear them.