It's about to be the worst Christmas ever for more than 11,000 Citigroup employees, who will soon be unceremoniously dumped by their Grinchly employer during the happiest time of the year.

Today the bank issued an official statement announcing "repositioning actions" to "reduce expenses and improve efficiency." The memo uses a lot of bullshit big business words like "streamline," "optimize" and "consumer footprint." But, to borrow Fortune 500 vernacular, here's the bottom line:

These actions will result in a reduction of more than 11,000 positions.

Citigroup announced it will take a pre-tax charge of $1 billion in the fourth quarter of this year, and by 2014 will have reached a yearly expense savings of $1.1 billion. None of this, though, will do anything to comfort the nearly five percent of Citigroup's global workforce who will soon find themselves in the unemployment line, just in time for holiday shopping.

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Citigroup's stock jumped four percent after the announcement this morning because literally everyone on Wall Street is the worst.