L: James, you mentioned accountability. Creating a culture of accountability. What does that mean? Can you explain that and how, what it means to parents and kids.

J: First of all, when we start with accountability, one of the things that I talk to teachers and parents about is creating a culture of accountability. And that culture of accountability occurs between two people. So when we talk about what’s on TV, what they’re learning in the movies, what their video games is, that, that’s fine. But the culture of accountability comes with, this is how I’m gonna talk to you and this is how you have to talk to me. This is what I’m gonna expect of you and this is what you can expect of me. That’s very clearly learned out. That you’re accountable for the way you talk to me and treat me. You’re accountable for your responsibilities and you can expect me to take responsibility to be accountable for my responsibilities. I’m gonna pay the rent, I’m gonna have food on the table, I’m gonna make sure that we have a place to live. You have to talk to me appropriately, you have to do your schoolwork and you have to learn how to solve life’s problems without hurting other people.

MG: I think it’s important to note James that a culture of accountability isn’t just a parent child thing. We even as adults need to be accountable; we are accountable every day to someone.

J: That’s right, well, I don’t think people are accountable to a culture. I think that that develops between people. Between individual people and groups. So even personal relationships and work relationships.

L: Work.

J: Work. I’m accountable to that job. I’m accountable to my role in that business. I’m accountable to that business. They’re gonna pay me, that’s what I expect of them, they expect me to do the role that they defined for me. They also expect me to do it with some quality and some efficiency.

MG: So as a parent, what you’re setting your child up for by expecting him to be accountable to you is the whole mindset that you will always be accountable to someone. This is a coping skill. This is a problem solving skill you have to learn.

J: Absolutely. Look, when you hold your child accountable, when you develop that culture of accountability, you as a parent have a responsibility to teach that child to acquire the skills he’s gonna need to be able to be accountable. People who can’t be accountable for their homework disrespect other people. People who can’t be accountable for their behavior turn it around and challenge you and act out. So when you’re having a culture of accountability, there’s a two–way thing. I expect you to do the right thing and you can expect me to teach you how to do the right thing.

MG: So my job as a parent then is to set specific standards, to set specific goals, to set attainable landmarks that a child can say, if I do this, I become accountable. If I do this, I’m behaving responsibly.

J: Yeah, it’s not only setting goals. It’s giving the skills to reach the goal. So let’s say I’m a parent and my goal is that you’re gonna sink five throws from the free throw line in basketball out of ten. Well I just can’t put you up there with a ball and tell you do it, that’s my goal. I’ve gotta show you how to do it. I’ve gotta show you how you place your feet, how you place your arms. How you propel the ball. I’ve gotta spend some time practicing with you. I’ve gotta show you how to do these things and I’ve gotta practice them. So it’s not setting the goals, it’s giving the kid the skills. Acquiring the skills yourself for an understanding of what it takes. Using the tools and using the skills.

James Lehman, MSWChild Behavior Therapist

James Lehman had a very personal understanding of kids with behavior problems. He displayed severe oppositional, defiant behaviors as a child and teenager, and became a Behavioral Therapist specializing in helping troubled children, teens and their families for 30 years.

Janet Lehman, MSWChild Behavior Therapist

Janet Lehman has over three decades of clinical experience working with out–of–control children and teens and their parents. Working in group homes and residential treatment centers, Janet helped children with serious behavioral disorders learn to get their behavior under control.

Parenting Articles about Gifted Children

Over the years, I would inevitably get a phone call from the school as the Holiday seasonapproached. I knew my daughter would get overly excited and anxious, causing her worst behavior traits to be exposed.She would be easily upset over something minor and burst into tears, and she would be very fidgety. I found that as the weather got colder and the school wouldhave inside recess, she just couldn't control that extra energy.

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It can be so great to have a gifted child, but it can also be a challenge. Over the years, I've learned some things through trial and error as the parent of a gifted daughter. Parenting is the most difficult job in the world, so I'm hoping my insights may help you have a more peaceful experience with your gifted child. I've put together this list of 10 tips to help any other parents out there who may be struggling themselves.

I truly believe that all children are gifted. Qualities like shooting a basketball into a hoop, being easygoing as well as a myriad of others can be termed “gifted.” But the particular “gift” that my daughter possesses is that her brain processes information very quickly. She catches on to concepts, facts -- you name it -- in a heartbeat. She also reads very rapidly. One night she finished a book so quickly that I doubted that it was possible. I proceeded to quiz her on her comprehension and found she was telling the truth. She just reads fast, way faster than I can even read. Teachers at school have questioned her when she gets done with a test or quiz quickly. They tell her to check it over. She says she has already checked it over 7 times, but they insist that she check it again. As you can imagine, this is exasperating to her!

After my daughter was diagnosed as Gifted I still didn’t know what to think. Okay, well “gifted” -- that sounds good, right? I had my 2 minutes of “Whew! What a relief!” But, just like a mother with an autistic child, or an ADD /ADHD child, I still didn’t know what to do and it really wasn’t okay. I had been desperately trying to find out what was “wrong” with my child and now I had a label. Now I wanted to know how I could help. How could I keep her from getting in trouble at school due to boredom? How could I keep her challenged?

Who knew having a “GIFTED” child could be so challenging?
I knew my daughter had a gift…I mean she was really reading chapter books to me on her 4th birthday! And that is just one of the things my husband and I noticed. Her preschool teacher didn’t seem to notice her gift, but of course she noticed her immaturity and her outbursts. It seems people enjoy finding the negative… but that’s a whole other story! Thankfully, her kindergarten teacher was definitely more in tune with her and she got through just fine. She kept my daughter participating with the class, but then during reading time she would allow her to read more challenging books. It worked.