We have found that with "newbie" couples (where playing with another woman is a novelty), women are often primarily interested in girl-girl play. When the novelty wears off, we've found that most bi women are primarily interested in men, and only very selectively play with women beyond light foreplay.

Winter Garden FL

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If 2 couples "hook-up" and only the women play then correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that the very definition of soft-swap??

We became interested in Soft Swap as a way for me to be able to play with another woman, since most men are more than happy to watch their wives with another woman. We've never lead anyone on and are always up-front and honest about our wishes/desires and most are respectful of our "limitations (whether it's "No thank you" or "that's fine"). Sorry to hear about your experience but this definitely sounds like a "bait and switch" situation.

Fairview Heights IL

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All great posts and very helpful. I think adventuristicme & chickieandhisgirl "hit the target". Being up-front and honest communication is vital.

Windsor Canada

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Thanks C&HG for looking and opining.

After only several months we are still learning and fine tuning.

Steve

Wexford PA

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I kind of look at this as a loaded question because I feel like I have been baited and switched but in the opposite way . I would say the majority of women on here claim to be at least bi-curious but many are just "bi for show" . Honesty is key and for us honestly ... it varies . Having spoken to many bi women and being one myself I can tell you there is a very broad range . I lean towards being much more attracted to women than men so if the other bi woman is much more attracted to men than women then I don't always get the attention from her that I want. And for those in the middle of the road it can really lean towards personal preference , usually a bi woman is more attracted to either the man or woman not equally attracted to both . And it depends on the couple . If she prefers muscular men/busty women then she will gravitate towards the type she is initially attracted to first and then the other . It's probably easier to be a straight couple in the lifestyle because of all of these variables lol . We have learned to sit back and enjoy whatever comes and try to expect nothing . If it turns out hubby is getting more attention then I enjoy watching him have a good time and take advantage of his "good mood" later and he does the same for me . And sometimes if you just enjoy the moment it turns out you do get drawn in unexpectedly as everything heats up . It looks like you have been misled and trust me so have we , but I don't think most couples flat out lie to get what they want.

Allentown PA

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Duke , I read your profile and although you are not specific in saying what you want I don't find it misleading . If a couple is only interested in full swap and contacts you then you need to have a conversation with them and be honest about how far things will go . Good luck .

Allentown PA

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I have learned that I have to be attracted to both people in a couple. Find the women appealing but the husbands... not so much. Having pictures of both people is VERY important!!! If you just have shots of the wife then is the guy ugly?!? I have private pictures because of my job. Pay for a membership so you can have private pictures too. Finding 4 people that all have the same level of desire for each other is tricky. Ask women to women without the hubby in the room "Are you interested in my boy?" Being VERY up front is the way to go.

Monroe MI

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Boy, I hope we never get thought of in this way but I think we are very clear going in.

My wife is bisexual and we are essentially here to meet women for her to kiss and fondle. At the same time we don't want her 'performing' for the men as one couple suggested. I don't want her pleasure to appear to be for *my" benefit like a performing pony or something.

We are explicit in stating we want to engage in 'mutual foreplay' between all participants but finish with our own partners. With very little experience to date, we have had no problems (that we are aware of.)

Please look at our profile and see if it goes against what I've delineated on this post if you have the time/inclination.

Steve

Wexford PA

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We seen this with the last couple we were with, She was bi and he was straight, we had talked before hand that we all would play together(except the men) and swapping was ok. to make a long story short, when play time came( at their house) we went into the bedroom, the other woman had set up chairs at the foot of the bed so the men could watch only, i played along for a few minutes but told the male half i was joining in, i wasn't sure at that point so i crawled on the bed and only started to play with my wife, and then he joined when i nodded to him to do so. he started to play with his wife and i mine as both women went at it, the moment was getting heated up so i grabbed his hand and put it on my wife, he proceeded to pull away and whispered he wasn't allowed to.

this pissed me off cause we understood that there would be swapping also, so it seemed her intention all along was to only play with my wife. my wife seen all this develop also a began to lose the moment, so we stopped and decided to leave.

we had drinks two weekends before so we all knew one another before we met at their house that night. that was the only time we ever felt used in all the years we been swinging.

Philadelphia PA

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I have run into many couples in which the woman claimed to be bi and when we would go to play, then would act more akin to lesbians then bi women, showing little interest in playing with the male half. So my question is this, are they actually interested in other men at all or are they only being used as tools by which they can trick other couples into believing the male has a chance of hooking up??I have come to call this the old bait and switch for a lack of a better term. Any other points of view would be appreciated