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A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife some thing to keep her occupied.He went to a sex shop & explained his situation.The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except..."The Magic Penis! "

The husband said, 'The what' ?

The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo !'

The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Magic Penis, the door !'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole.The whole door shook wildly with vibrations.Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box !' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.

After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife was lonely and remembered the Magic Penis given to her by her husband.

She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my crotch.'The penis shot to her crotch.It was absolutely incredible.After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck.Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off.So she put on her clothes, got in her car and started for the nearest hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Upon reaching 65, Bob decided to retire. After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him. She suggested he go and do something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby. Bob obliged and went out for a couple of hours.

When he got home his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the guys.. And oh yeah, I joined a parachute club.

"What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

"Yeah, look I even got a membership card."

"You crazy old man, where's your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"

"Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up for 5 jumps a week!"

Latitude is Where We are Lost,Longitude is How Long We've been Lost There!

"That's fantastic. Now, let me ask you one question further. Have any of you ever made love to a ghost ?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, in all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."

Bubba replied, "Ohhhh! From way back there I thought you said GOATS !"