don’t stay in the box they put you in

One thing I love about this blog is that it gives me the opportunity to be myself and to share my writing – my thoughts and feelings, with the world. It’s really taught me to embrace myself because people read my posts and comment such wonderful things on them saying how they can relate and how they’re so happy I shared something or how they thought they were the only one feeling a certain way, but now they realise they’re not alone. Those words mean more to me than I could ever explain, because all I ever used to think was the exact same thing – that these thoughts and feelings I had were ones that only I experienced, because I couldn’t find anything or anyone else to relate to. Now that I share my words with other people, I’m so encouraged by the fact that you guys feel comfortable enough to tell me you feel the same, because it really spurs me on to continue sharing things that I’d otherwise keep to myself.

It’s made me realise that it’s okay if others don’t write about people like me, because I write about people like me. It’s okay if others don’t write about people like you – the lovely little angels commenting on my blog posts telling me you don’t feel so alone anymore, because I write about people like you. I’ll write about people like you until my arm falls off so that you’re comforted by the fact that you know you’re not alone. There’s a quote that all of this reminds me of, and it’s this –

“Happiness is stable, boring, and keeps you alive. My soul seeks excitement, passion and pain. I know I’m not the girl people write about, and it’s okay, because I write about people like me.” – Hedonist Poet

You know the phrase that says “be the change you want to see in the world”, I think about that a lot now in the sense that maybe people don’t write about girls like me but that’s okay, because I’m going to write about girls like me. It doesn’t matter if I never meet another girl like me, because I’m already existing as a girl like me. Does that make sense? Sometimes the things in my head don’t sound as coherent when I try and get them down on paper. What I mean is that I don’t need to do what everyone else is doing – if David Bowie, Boy George, Prince etc. never broke the mould and did things other people didn’t necessarily agree with, who would we have to look up to? I feel like that now, in the sense that if I don’t say the things I want to say and act the way I want to act, who are people going to look up to? I don’t mean that I’m a role model / inspiration etc. but that’s the only context I can really describe it in. Get what I mean though? I’m so inspired by all of the incredible, fearless people I come across on the internet and in real life – they’ve inspired me to be who I am, they’ve inspired me to wear the outfit I was scared others would judge me for, they’ve inspired me to stop covering up my body in the fear that other people would hate what they saw. If those people hadn’t broken the mould and done those things, who would I have to look up to? Who would have inspired me, encouraged me…pushed me to do those things? To be who I really am and to let me know that it’s okay and there’s nothing wrong with it?

That’s the way I feel about things now. I have such a big heart – my emotions overwhelm me on a daily basis, my thoughts are so vast and I romanticise everything and I over think everything and end up writing until my arm aches but you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay that I’d rather spend £50 on books than makeup, it’s okay that I like going out with my friends but I probably like being by myself more, it’s okay that one day I want to wear all black clothing and the next I want to dress like I’m in a fairytale.

It doesn’t make me better than anyone else – I’m very aware of the fact that recently when people have been embracing themselves it’s been misinterpreted / can come across as being pretentions because it looks like people think they’re better than others if they don’t like partying or don’t wear makeup on a daily basis etc. That’s absolutely not what I’m saying, because everyone is equal and everyone deserves love and acceptance, what I am saying however is that it’s okay for me (and you) to not want to do what everyone else is doing, or to love things that maybe society doesn’t class as cool / popular. My brother is 14 and the one thing I always tell him is that popularity is a social construct, it doesn’t exist – it’s intangible and holds no worth. If I don’t embrace the dreamer that I am, if I don’t write the things I want to write…how are other people going to join the movement, or realise that it’s okay to do it? I need to break out of the mould, I need to be a lion, not a sheep.

Writing is the thing I was born to do in this world, whether it’s for an audience or not, it’s what I was put here for. I am a writer. I’ve always been scared to say it because I thought people would find it funny – “A writer? How many books have you sold?”, “How many magazines have you been published in?”, “Are you getting paid for that then?”, “Is that your career?”, “Writing in a journal no one reads doesn’t make you a writer”. Well, fuck you. Yes it does. I am a writer, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. I might not be a popular one, I might not get paid for it or make a career out of it, but that doesn’t matter because that’s not what I do it for. I do it because it’s who I am – “I must write, or I shall die of grief”. If I didn’t write, my heart would explode and I would be suffocating the person I truly am. End of. Next topic.

You are exactly what you say you are, never let anyone put you in a box or label you as something you are not. You are whatever you want to be. Whilst writing this, these quotes have popped into my head –

“Your ego will do everything it can to stop you from changing and growing, especially since you’re attempting to obliterate the very identity that you and everyone else has come to know as ‘you’.” – Jen Sincero, You are a Badass

“Sometimes people think they know you. They know a few facts about you, and they piece you together in a way that makes sense to them. And if you don’t know yourself very well, you might even believe that they are right. But the truth is, that isn’t you. That isn’t you at all.” – Leila Sales, This Song Will Save Your Life

My best friend went to university and she stayed up one night chatting to me about the fact that she’d always been the ‘Mum’ of any friendship group, she’d always been the person looking after everyone else. Now that she was at uni, she’d basically let her hair down and turned into a bit of a party girl and everyone who knew her was freaking out because they didn’t agree with it, to cut a long story short. I told her that they should mind their own business and she could do whatever the hell she wanted, I told her don’t you dare let them confine you to the box they put you in.

Like Leila Sales says, people will label you and put you in a box because it’s easier for them that way. When you change, they don’t like it because then they don’t know where to put you – you confuse them. People put you in a box for their own benefit so that they can perceive you in a way that makes sense to them; it really is as simple as that. So go on, mess with their heads a bit.

Through this blog (and you guys) I’ve realised that I need to be the girl I wanted to read about when I was 16, I need to say the things I’d wanted to hear when my heart was broken and still to this day, I need to write the things that I need to read when I’m not feeling so good about myself, or life in general.

Like I said, I need to be the change I want to see – I need to be that person, not only for myself but for others as well. If I don’t start, how can I expect other people to? At times I do go back and read old things that I’ve written because they’re exactly the things I’ve needed to hear, even though it’s only self reassurance because it’s what I’ve written myself, it doesn’t feel that way when I do actually read it, it feels like I’m taking advice from an old friend. I am my own best friend and I want to be everyone else’s too.

I feel like this post was very long, but I have a lot of words and feelings that I need to share and obviously, this is my place to do that. If you’ve read this far then thank you, I appreciate it more than you know and I hope I could offer you a little something with these words.

This is an amazing post. I think that you are so so right and I’m glad that you always share your thoughts with us. Your posts help me and everybody else so much. I’m 16 now and I’m glad that I’ve got so great many people (including you of course) who I can look up to.
I’m glad that I stumbled across your blog! ❤️ xx

Ohhh you never fail to make me smile! Such an angel, thank you so much. I’m so grateful you followed me and that I was able to find you because your blog is one of my favourites! Thank you for reading lovely ❤️ xx

You summarise so beautifully! Society has a way of putting people into boxes from the moment that they are born. I remember being a child and people would define me in a few short words and then compare me against my sister.
And then you end up growing up with this mould that others have given you, despite the fact that they never have nor never will be you. I think I spent many years of my life trying to rebel against my ‘labels’.
Like you said though, if everyone stayed the same, we would have no Prince or Michael Jackson etc. It would be like living in a world of black and white with no spectrums of colour. I even just got judged online because I posted some bikini shots from my holiday. But I just think whatever. Unless people know you and your story and live with your thoughts, they have no right to judge.
You are a writer and more than that you are an extraordinary writer and you do not need a single dime to prove that.. xx

Thank you so much! I agree, the second you come into the world you’re labelled as all of these different things before you’ve even been given a chance to speak for yourself yet, and unfortunately that then carries on for many years afterwards even into adulthood in some cases, which is so upsetting. If people tell you you are a certain way for so long, eventually you start to believe it – you become what everybody says you are. I always think of the quote “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.” – as long as we stay true to ourselves and the people around us, that’s all that counts. Thanks so much for reading lovely 💕 xx

Chloe this resonates with me so much! I can definitely confirm that you are definitely a writer because having such a profound ability to impact people with your words is an indication that writing is what you are meant to do. I’ve always struggled so much with accepting myself due to my interests, my personality, my ethnicity etc because it contrasted with everyone around me but once I’ve embraced every aspect of myself I realised there were so many people out there who shared the same thoughts and characteristics. Keep doing what you’re doing because it’s impacting more people than you can imagine xox

Ahhh you are such a little angel I can’t even tell you, thank you so so much as always. You’re absolutely wonderful in every way and I love reading your words on here, so please never stop writing. It’s good to be different and I’m so glad that I’ve finally realised that now after so many years of thinking I should be like everyone else 💕 xxx

I loved it so much! I’m a writer too and it doesn’t matter what other people think of us. Writing is healing. Since I begin to share my thoughts and feelings on my blog and Instagram I feel so much lighter. I feel like I’m not the only one or the crazy one while having anxiety. I also overthink stuff and am so romantic. I thought I was the only one in this. I’m so glad you find your passion. Keep on writing, because I love your posts. I’m so happy to have find you 💜

Thank you so much! I agree, writing is a way to heal, it’s an escape from the rest of the world and it definitely doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks about that. It’s like a breath of fresh air to use words to let everything out and I wouldn’t change that for the world, thank you so much for your lovely words – I’m glad I found you too! 💕 xx

This was beautiful Chloe, I can truly understand where you are coming from because I often feel like this myself when it comes to photography. I want to express myself through my passion but sometimes it’s so hard especially that we keep being bombarded with what other people are doing. I love that you’ve included this quote – “Be the change you want to see in the world”. It is something I try to live by. It’s something that is on my wall to remind myself everyday that expressing your true self in the fullest is beautiful and even crucial. I’m so happy that you’ve found your writing passion, some people never find their purpose so it’s important to cherish and nurture ours. 🙂 Lovely post

Thank you so much lovely, I think it’s so easy sometimes to get overly concerned with what everybody else is doing and to therefore feel that what we ourselves our doing simply just isn’t enough, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Thank you so much for reading 💕 xxx

This post was truly amazing!! I’m so happy you’re embracing yourself as a writer who is seeking to help others and just fully dream and imagine. 💕 I could really relate to what you said about being a writer, the very similar holds true for me too. Words and writing have such power ❤

“Above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that’s why I made works of art.”