Sunday, March 22, 2009

I'm just going to lay it all out on the table- I'm a bean on a truck full of oranges.

I don't talk about my life very much, it's not a picture I enjoy painting--ever.But today is a day for reckoning. It's Sunday and i am the farthest thing from Catholic, but hey, who says Sunday was ever really Sunday (other than the Pope, right?).

Today I wish to let you all see the inside of a bean, this bean....

Since I can remember I have lived a nomadic lifestyle. My dad has been in the Air Force since I could go to school. We moved every four years. In the interim times that we were stationary, we vacationed every year. I don't ever remember a time when I was stationary in my life. And so begins the stuffing of this bean.

I am bad with stationary objects in my life. Growing up a nomad creates a certain movement clock within your internal systems. Its a clock that let's you know when you have sat for too long, or have been in one spot far longer than you have ever remembered staying still. The only stationary constant in my life is sleep, and even then I don't do that so regularly.

I decided to join the military, not because it was all I had known, but because its a career that is never predictable except for making rank, and that is wholly dependent on the person. It is unstable and family-oriented to the most backward degree. But I absolutely love it. I love waking up not knowing what smart or stupid event I am going to encounter, what sudden tasking to deploy that I might receive, what sudden school trip is necessary for me to stay abreast of my job, what people will leave or come to the robust sleepy hollow that is a military base. And I'll be damned if God wasn't looking over my shoulder when he gave me a career field that is just as unstable as the military itself. It's a daily high to wake up in the morning an go to work. And I love the rush.

Somewhere before the excitement that began my career as an adult, I met a human being. This man was the antithesis to my very livelihood, the thing that was my complete opposite. Not bad in any way as a person, but completely different from who I am. And I cherished that man. But, as in all opposites there are times when things don't necessarily align simply because of a difference. What is my greatest thrill in life, is also my greatest vice.

I had never been with anyone longer than a year. It was completely all my fault, I couldn't stand to be around those who were happy with what just was. I needed a challenge, someone that would make me want to sit down. But as in all movers and shakers of the world, I do not sit quietly. If there is one thing that I have always known about my future husband, is that it would be someone who could checkmate me in life.

In any case, I knew that I had found this person. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it was the lone rider himself, Two Dogs. In the moment that we met, albeit he was drunk as a pig wallowing in slop, I knew that I had met someone that I knew would be the guy that I wanted to sit down for. (such a lovely romance, ain't it?).

And so the years have passed and I have had to do the hardest thing of my life-sit still. It's not an easy thing to do and I can't even claim success. It's like having a tic that you just can't get rid of or having that irritable leg syndrome crap (which I think someone scammed a lot of stupid people on and made a hell of a lot of money). There have been many shaky times and I have been a Bean who has on occasion marred a good thing. But I have been fortunate to have a lone ranger by my side.

Thank you Two Dogs, for everything, and for letting this rolling Bean grow some mold (beans can't collect moss)....

y'know, i got tons of respect for you. being in the military is one of THE most honorable things a human being can do for our country, and being a woman in the military...wow. that takes a special kind of dedication.