Encounters with John Wayne Ch. 20

He moved to the floor on his knees in front of her, facing her, taking both her hands in his as he looked into her eyes to see if he could gauge how she was reacting to his confession. He could not tell by the look on her face what she was thinking or feeling. Then he said quietly, "Please, little girl, tell me what you're thinking!"

She frowned and said, "Thinking?!! I don't know what the hell to think!" She pulled her hands out of his and scooted aside to stand up and walk away from him toward the fireplace. After several tense moments, she spun around and began exclaiming loudly, the questions shooting out of her mouth like machine gun fire as she paced and made wild gestures with her arms and hands. "Just how much of a relationship do you have with this other woman? Have you already asked HER to marry you? Am I the 'other woman' in some triangle? Why didn't you ever mention her before? I hadn't read any stories in the papers about you meeting some woman in Peru! What is with this obsession you seem to have with Hispanic women? What the hell are trying to do to me? I've told you a relationship between us would never work, and now I know I'm right! Why can't you see that?" She screamed that last question, and stopped moving to stare at him, panting heavily, with anger and confusion written all over her face.

He had stood up when she moved away from him, but he was afraid to approach her while she was ranting; she might punch him again—and this time he knew he deserved it. When she stopped, he took a step toward her, and she frowned harder and her eyes narrowed slightly in warning; she was pissed. He took a deep breath and went and sat on the couch again, leaning forward with his forearms propped on his thighs and his hands clasped as he stared at the floor for a few moments and started trying to remember all the questions she'd asked so he could try to answer them.

He took another deep breath as he lifted his head to look at her; her expression had changed as if to say, "I'm waiting!" as she stared at him. "She came to Los Angeles last November and I've seen her socially since then, but I have not slept with her. She's Catholic, of course, so she doesn't exactly believe in sex out of wedlock, and I haven't really tried to push it on her. And no, I have not asked her to marry me."

She interrupted heatedly, "But you were obviously thinking about it, from what you said!"

He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily, then he stood as he started to speak again, his voice starting quietly but rising in volume and pitch as he progressed. "Yes, I had been contemplating asking her to marry me once my divorce is final, but I hadn't gotten around to discussing it with her yet. And the reason I didn't mentioned her before is because the second I saw you, I forgot about almost every other woman I've ever known. And I only started thinking about them because you wanted to know more about my personal life, and you only asked about my ex-wives. It was not a deliberate omission—I truly did not think about her until I mentioned marriage to you a little while ago, and then all I could think was, 'thank God I hadn't brought marriage up with her yet!' And you punched my arm at the mere mention of marriage because it made you mad—and you still keep telling me that we're not meant to be together!

And as for the fact that they all happen to be Hispanic...well, I don't know what to say...it just happened that way! I didn't plan it; I don't have an 'obsession' with them. I just happened to meet them at times in my life when I was looking for someone to try to settle down with and they just seemed right!" he exclaimed, as he threw his arms up in exasperation and then just let them flop back to his sides. He took another deep breath and dropped his head to look down for a moment as he exhaled raggedly, trying to figure out what to tell her next.

Then he looked back up at her as he started trying to explain, again, how he feels about her, as he gestured at both of them with his hands and arms, speaking softly and slowly, his expressive face displaying every emotion he felt. "I am not trying to do anything to hurt you, little girl. The way I feel about you—it's like I've already been married to you for years. The deep love and devotion are there—I just have no memories to go along with them. What I felt when I first kissed you has just intensified with everything I've learned about you. What has grown between us in just one day is what I've always thought it should feel like between a man and a woman when they've spent a lifetime of growing together. It happened to me that fast, even without the added benefits of sharing children and a family...I can't explain it any better than that." He finished quietly and walked over to drop dejectedly down onto the couch with his forehead resting on his palms as he propped his elbows on his thighs, and just stared at the floor.

Now she was thoroughly confused. He had just made love to her in a way that left no question in her mind how much he loved her; then he accidentally tells her that there was another woman he had thought about marrying whom he's been seeing for months. Then he tells her that he forgot about this other woman the moment he saw her until he mentioned marriage, and then he turns around and explains to her in very clear terms how deeply he loves her, Diana, and it actually makes sense to her. He was saying that even though he's just met her, he already feels like he's her husband and that he's loved her for years! How could she argue that?!

How indeed! He's been seeing another woman for months that he'd thought about marrying and almost completely forgot about that other woman the second he saw her?!! What the hell?!! Maybe it's been this undeniable lust they have for each other that has been doing all his thinking and not his heart at all—she tried to think of a way to find that out. He seemed so totally defeated at the moment that sex should be one of the farthest things from his mind; she decided to see how far she could push him to find out his true feelings.

She walked right in front of him and started her speech; "You say you feel like you've been married to me for years, even after you told me that you've been seeing another woman for months that you contemplated marrying, but forgot all about her the second you saw me?!!! Maybe you don't love me at all—maybe when you've been saying you 'love me,' what you really mean is you 'desire me.' Well, let me tell you something, big man. I've seen the way you treat your wives—you go ahead and marry that other woman if you think she's wife material! I'll just stay your mistress, because all I really need from you is your body; for you to fuck me hard with your big cock!"

He had looked up at her, frowning in confusion, when she said she'd seen how he treated his wives; when she said she wanted to stay his mistress, his frown became an angry one and he stood up in front of her. She continued heatedly as she unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off her and angrily yanked her underwear down her legs and off; "Well, come on, big man. You once told me that you couldn't deny me anything I wanted—well I want you to FUCK ME right now! This is all you will ever get from me again—I don't WANT to be your WIFE! I just want your hard dick inside me...NOW!" as she grabbed at his crotch through his boxer shorts; he wasn't hard at all—that was good sign.

He couldn't believe what she was saying! Yes, he could understand her anger and confusion at learning he'd been seeing another woman for a while and his admission that he'd forgotten all about Pilar the second he saw her. But for Diana to yell angrily at him and say that she never wanted to be his wife—all she really wanted was for him to fuck her and she wants him right now?!!! She looked pissed and turned on at the same time as she grabbed at his crotch—how could he deny the selfish little bitch what she wants?!!! He was pissed as well, but not turned on—maybe he could change that!

He grabbed the sides of her head, angrily digging his hands into her hair as he yelled right in her face, "DAMN YOU!!!" Then crushed his mouth to hers in a brutal kiss, bruising her lips, then forcing them apart to shove his tongue into her mouth, almost choking her. Then he released her head with his hands to bring them down and roughly paw at her body, squeezing her breasts and then he shoved his right hand down between her legs; and then froze instantly. He knew no matter how hard he tried right now and no matter how badly she wanted him, he couldn't fuck her like this. He slowly backed away from her, and whispered, "Damn you!" at her again, and flopped back down on the couch with his face in his hands, elbows propped on his thighs again.

A lump formed in her throat as she got her answer; he had been speaking from his heart and not his dick. She picked his shirt up and put it back on, along with her underpants, then sat down beside him and explained to him that she hadn't meant any of that and why she did it; she told him she was sorry but she couldn't think of any other way to confirm this for herself. He looked at her sadly and could see she looked just as sad for having put him through that. Then it dawned on him that she had just put on one hell of an act; she was a pretty damned good actress as well! He laughed shortly as he told her that.

She put her hand on his back and stroked him a couple times and then scratched him gently with her fingernails, and he groaned softly and told her that it felt good. She scooted back to the end of the couch to recline in the corner like they done earlier, and grabbed one of the throw pillows and put it so it was partly on and between her thighs and told him to come lay down. He moved toward her and laid mostly on his stomach and right side with his head turned toward her, resting his head and shoulders on the pillow with his arms circling loosely around her hips. She leaned back and used her right hand to gently scratch his shoulders and upper back as far as she could reach, while she hummed softly with the music coming from the radio.

He occasionally groaned contentedly, then murmured sleepily, "No one's ever done this for me before; it feels so good." A couple minutes later, she heard him snoring softly; he was asleep.

She continued scratching him softly for a minute or so until her hand was tired, then she stopped and just let her hand rest on his upper back, stroking him with her fingers. Then she lightly put her left hand on the back of his head to stroke her fingers in his hair as tears came into her eyes again, and she whispered softly, "I will always love you, big man, and I know you love me. But I just can't share a life with you; why can't I make you understand that?"

She didn't see the slight frown that crossed his face when she finished speaking; he'd heard her, and he unconsciously tightened his arms around her like she might try to slip away while he was asleep. She felt his arms tighten around her slightly, and she looked down to see if he was awake or asleep, but he appeared to still be asleep; his face was relaxed and his breathing was deep and even, but he was no longer snoring.

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes and continued to hum softly, until she nodded off as well.