Your 4 3/4-year-old: Birthday party prep

Your 4-year-old now

Involving your child in her birthday plans is a great way to make her feel responsible and respected. Some suggestions for making both of you happy:

You decide the big issues, like where. Don't feel you have to indulge every whim. A party at your home can be much cheaper than going elsewhere — and just as much fun.

Let your child pick the theme. This doesn't mean that everything from decor to games needs to reflect Superman or fairy motifs. Most kids this age are satisfied if their cake, plates, and party hats fit the theme.

Resist inviting the whole preschool class. It's chaotic, and your child will drown in toys she doesn't need. Better to ask her which friends she really wants; some parents limit guests to one per year of age. Kids typically have more fun in smaller groups.

Time it right. One to two hours is the perfect length: enough time for cake, a few games, and some unstructured running around.

Remember, they're little kids! Gourmet foods and lavish entertainment are pointless. They want birthday cake, playtime with friends, and maybe a small treat when they go home. Forget the elaborate gift bags — who needs to get into a competition over this stuff? Keep it simple and inexpensive: candy, sidewalk chalk, balls, or balloons suffice.

Your life now

Instead of chirping "Good job!" incessantly all day, signal your approval in nonverbal ways sometimes. Give a thumbs-up. Lift your eyebrows to a happy expression. Share a hand squeeze. Positive reinforcement is the key to good behavior, and adding to your repertoire of approvals ensures that "good job" doesn't become an empty, tuned-out phrase.

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