Spring* Movie Preview, Part 2

Movie: Dear John (Lasse Hallstrom)High-Concept Synopsis: Romantic drama with Amanda Seyfried and Channing Tatum torn apart by The War, but united by Her Letters. Why yes, it DOES sound a lot like a Nicholas Sparks book, in fact.Who Will Be Seeing It: People looking for the next The Notebook, which this is clearly aspiring to be. Well-meaning individuals who might want an hour and a half of staring at pretty people like Amanda Seyfried and Channing "Ain't Nothing Wrong With That" Tatum. Fans of 1980s Judd Hirsch sitcoms who choose their movies based solely on the title.Who Won't Be Seeing It: People looking to avoid the next A Walk to Remember, which this movie is one vaguely-defined illness away from being. People who allow their pride to keep them from enjoying Channing Tatum for what he is. People who tried to remember the last time Lasse Hallstrom directed a good movie, got a headache, popped an Advil, and took a nap.Why I'd See It: I'm a huge Amanda Seyfried fan, and my historic position in favor of looking at Channing Tatum remains unchanged. Whether I'll see it in a theater or reserve it for a lazy HBO Saturday morning type of affair remains to be seen. February 5

Movie: From Paris With Love (Pierre Morel)High-Concept Synopsis: Diplomat Jonathan Rhys-Meyers gets caught up in spy-type John Travolta's terrorism-fighting effort. Car chases, yelling, and spectacularly misguided choices in facial hair ensue.Who Will Be Seeing It: People who use phrases like "high octane" to describe the action movies they like. People drawn to the film based on the "story by Luc Besson" credit. People who enjoy laughing their asses off, particularly when Loud Travolta is involved.Who Won't Be Seeing It: Uptight prudes who won't see a movie simply because it looks "terrible." People who check out all the crap Luc Besson has written throughout his career. People unclear as to what the movie is about...Why I'd See It: IT'S ABOUT TERRORISM! Honestly, I haven't seen a trailer make a movie look this hilariously awful in a long, long time. Not only does Travolta have it dialed up to eleven, his goatee has it dialed up to TWELVE, and JRM is somehow having a delayed reaction to being in a Woody Allen movie five years ago by playing his character here as a nebbishy Jew. I don't know. It all looks amazing. February 5

Movie: Frozen (Adam Green)High-Concept Synopsis: Three young snowboarders (including Kevin Zegers and Shawn Ashmore) get stranded on a chairlift at a ski resport that somehow isn't open during the week. So they're gonna have to escape somehow.Who Will Be Seeing It: Fans of buzzy, novel horror plots. People looking forward to showering Ashmore with "What's the matter, Iceman, I thought you liked the cold!" taunts. People who knew anybody in college who regularly went skiing and might possibly be interested in seeing them die in horrifyingly inventive ways.Who Won't Be Seeing It: People who remember another "it could so easily happen to you" horror offering, Open Water, and worry this one will end up super boring as well. People who knew anybody in college who regularly went skiing and wouldn't even take an hour and a half out of their day to watch them die horribly.Why I'd See It: I'm a total sucker for horror movies with such seemingly mundane premises, and the trailer for this already shows more things happening than happened in all of Open Water. February 5

Movie: Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (Chris Columbus)High-Concept Synopsis: Kids learns he's the actual son of Posiedon, gets caught up in a battle among the gods, shoulders the pressure of 20th Century Fox really, REALLY wanting a youth-centered movie franchise.Who Will Be Seeing It: The same people who see all the Harry Potter movies (FOX hopes). The same people saw the first Chronicles of Narnia movie (FOX hopes). Otherwise skeptical people who nevertheless can't quite resist some of the casting (Sean Bean as Zeus, Uma Thurman as Medusa, Rosario Dawson as Persephone, Kevin McKidd as Posiedon, Steve Coogan as Hades, Pierce Brosnan as Chiron, whoever that is).Who Won't Be Seeing It: The same people who didn't see Eragon, Cirque du Freak, and all those other failed attempts at young-adult franchise making. People who remember the last Chris Columbus movie was I Love You, Beth Cooper. People who realize the cast list isn't uniformly intriguing (Melina Kanakaredes as Athena??).Why I'd See It: I'm a sucker for Greek myth, and this seems like a novel, literate subject for a prospective kiddie cash-grubber. February 12

Click below for monster movies, festival darlings, and one or more hospitals for the criminally insane...

Movie: Valentine's Day (Garry Marshall)High-Concept Synopsis: Multi-character, "love is all around" feel-good holiday drama in the Love, Actually mode, this time with Garry Marshall at the helm.Who Will Be Seeing It: People who look at the cast list and see names like Julia Roberts, Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Topher Grace, Bradley Cooper, Shirley MacLaine, Ashton Kutcher, and Taylor Lautner.Who Won't Be Seeing It: People who look at the cast list and see names like Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jamie Foxx, Drs. McDreamy and McSteamy, and Taylor Swift.Why I'd See It: Look, whatever, I'm not proud. I'm under no illusions that Garry Marshall can do the Love, Actually thing better than Richard Curtis, but I am physiologically incapable of looking at that many actors I like in one movie and not going to see it. This movie is why God created Embarrassing Movie Wednesdays. February 12

Movie: The Wolfman (Joe Johnston)High-Concept Synopsis: Universal takes the old-school approach to the monster movie, with Benicio Del Toro as a Victorian nobleman who discovers to his horror that the full moon does some weird shit to his system, man. Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt, and Hugo Weaving co-star.Who Will Be Seeing It: Fans of surprisingly venerable action-adventure director Johnson, who's never made anything classic but has notable hits going all the way back to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids in 1989. Old-school monster movie enthusiasts looking to rinse the taste of Van Helsing from their mouths. Taylor Lautner fans who will be HILARIOUSLY disappointed that all werewolves don't look like ripped teen gods.Who Won't Be Seeing It: People who think Benicio Del Toro is hard enough to understand before his mouth gets all crowded with giant canine teeth. People who take a closer look at Joe Johnston's CV and spot Jurassic Park III and The Rocketeer. People who need their werewolves either mooning over depressed girls or bathed in blue light.Why I'd See It: I'm not entirely sure this kind of cool, Victorian take on the werewolf story is a good fit for Joe Johnston, but I'm interested to see what works. The trailer boasts some beautiful looking imagery, though, and I'm kind of really excited by what appears to be a completely over-the-top Anthony Hopkins. February 12

Movie: Shutter Island (Martin Scorsese)High-Concept Synopsis: 1950s U.S. Marshall Leonardo DiCaprio investigates the disappearance of a patient from a hospital ... for the criminally insane. Mark Ruffalo, Patricia Clarkson, Ben Kingsley, Max Von Sydow, Michelle Williams, Emily Mortimer, and Jackie Earle Haley co-star.Who Will Be Seeing It: Scorsese fans who like the Cape Fear style gaudiness of the film's premise, look, and outrageously thick accents. Fans of big casts full of incredibly talented actors, even the ones suffering from Avian Bone Syndrome. People who have been looking for a good haunted-asylum story, and all things being equal, will probably see a Martin Scorsese movie over Ghost Hunters.Who Won't Be Seeing It: Scorsese fans who don't exactly relish when he strays from morally compromised gangsters. People worried about the lack of "Gimmie Shelter" in the trailer. People too incapacitated by laughter at the insane New England accents to get out to the movies.Why I'd See It: The more I think about it, the more the non-Scorsese-ness of this movie appeals to me. It could be totally awful or kind of crackheadedly awesome. And that goes double for DiCaprio with that hambone performance he's giving, per the trailer ("We ahh DOOley appointed federal MAHshalls"). It so rarely feels like he's having fun up there, so this'll be new. February 19

Movie: A Prophet (Jacques Audiard)High-Concept Synopsis: A French prison story about a young Muslim man who gets caught up in the mob.Who Will Be Seeing It: The Cannes crowd. The Indie Spirit crowd. People who have followed the ecstatic reviews calling it the new Godfather and whatnot.Who Won't Be Seeing It: People who used similar reason to go see Gomorrah and are STILL drowsy over it.Why I'd See It: I trust the people who saw it and loved it, and I do so like to be up and current on the latest snooty Cannes offerings. February 26

Movie: The Ghost Writer (Roman Polanski)High-Concept Synopsis: Ewan McGregor is hired to ghost-write the memoirs of former British P.M. Pierce Brosnan. But then there are secrets! And scandals! And paranoia! Kim Cattrall, Olivia Williams, and Tom Wilkinson co-star.Who Will Be Seeing It: Fans of keeping art and morality/legality in separate compartments. Fans of Polanski, whose artistic output is about the only thing about him that's unimpeachable. Fans of casts full of distinguished Brits ... and Kim Cattrall.Who Won't Be Seeing It: Strict moralists, not-so-strict-moralists, and people who are generally pretty permissive but still don't feel so keen about lining Polanski's pockets. People frightened away by Cattrall's attempt at a British accent. People who sit down and try to figure out when was the last time Ewan McGregor made a good movie (it depends on how you felt about Cassandra's Dream, Big Fish, or Down with Love; that in itself is kind of a damning statement in and of itself).Why I'd See It: The Polanski thing is going to be an issue with people -- certainly moreso than when he was standing behind a noble Holocaust drama. Me, I'm more of a compartmentalization guy. Fact of the matter is, with two such uninspiring leads as Brosnan and McGregor, Polanski is the reason I would see this. Don't tell Jezebel. February 26

5 comments:

For the Percy Jackson one, in "who will be seeing it," you forgot the category I fell into when I first saw the trailer: "people who get confused into thinking that this is the long-awaited remake of "Clash of the Titans." And in the "who won't be seeing it," the other category I fall into, which is "people who can't keep any part of the incredibly unwieldy title in their brains for more than two minutes."

Also, Chiron is the centaur who raised Achilles as a child. So does this mean CGI-naked-from-the-waist-up Brosnan action?

The Ghost Writer is based on a Richard Harris novel called The Ghost, which I read a few years ago & really enjoyed. However, a lot of the elements in the book (a lot of introspection & flashbacks) may not translate so well into movie-form...

I haven't read the book, so I have no frame of reference, but I have five bucks on Amanda Seyfried's character dying in "Dear John." Because, you know, you think it'll be John! Because he's in Iraq! But it would be a huge twist if she died instead! And that's the extent of my caring about that.

I hope "Shutter Island" doesn't suck, because I really liked the book.

Recently Viewed

Mission: Impossible - Ghost ProtocolThis was deeply stupid but a LOT of fun. It made me forget how creeped out I am by Tom Cruise, it nailed set piece after set piece, and it took the "A Really Great Episode of Alias" level of M:I 3 to the next step of being "A Really Great Alias Movie." In a year when so many movies just would not stop telling us about the magic of the movies and how films could let us see the impossible, Brad Bird stepped up to the plate and actually showed us. That sequence in Dubai is going to be tough for action movies to top for a long while. And I would honestly nominate it for Costume Design because every single person in that cast looked the most fuckable they ever have, and that's saying something. Jeremy Renner and Paula Patton, nice work. B / B+

The Girl with the Dragon TattooZodiac meets Seven without the latter's audacity nor the former's studiousness. OR ... the best season of The Killing ever. As a story, it's a smidge too obvious, and I seriously do think it's episodic enough to have been made into a TV series. And I don't want to get into a Gender Studies thing about Lisbeth -- and I could totally entertain ideas to the contrary -- but to me she was pure male fantasy, if a particularly badass male fantasy. Viewed in that light, the rape scene is less bracingly necessary than luridly opportunistic. But I'm not trying to say I was deeply offended by the movie or anything. It's a fun procedural with compelling actors in the lead roles (how does Daniel Craig's insane sexiness continue to sneak up on me?). Obvious casting in the supporting roles is a drawback, but overall, it was far easier for me to look past the story and appreciate Fincher's frigid aesthetics (that ever-present howling wind!) here than it was in The Social Network. B-

MargaretHere's where 2012 Joe apologizes to 2006 Joe, because I know how frustrating it is to live in the parts of America that just don't get limited-release indie movies that we get in New York. Because I complained and complained about not getting to see Margaret, and ultimately, it was put back into theaters and I got to take advantage of my incredibly fortunate geography to see it. Of course, after weeks and weeks of #teamMargaret, I was worried I'd been oversold on the movie, that I would walk out not getting what all the fuss was about. I'm happy to say I DO get what the fuss was about. It's not a perfect movie, but it packs a punch. The moment that drives the film -- a first-act bus accident that costs Allison Janney her life -- is legitimately harrowing, and it makes total sense that this would be traumatic enough to drive the plot of this sprawling tale (and to stand in for 9/11 when the movie's allegorical needs make it necessary). Anna Paquin's performance as a girl whose self-centeredness is almost feral is a marvel (and it connects a lot of dots for the way she's been playing Sookie on True Blood, to be honest). And the supporting cast is full of great performances and teen actors who would go on to become A Thing in the five years since this movie was made. Believe the hype about Jeannie Berlin's performance, too. She doesn't show up until halfway through, but her every line reading (which range from hilarious to scathing) is a winner, and she and Paquin make for one of the more fascinating screen duos in recent history. Lonergan has significant pacing issues in the latter half -- and my ass he couldn't find any scenes to cut; there are whole subplots and characters (Jean Reno; Matt Damon) who could have been trimmed and/or set aside for a director's cut -- but the script and the actors rarely step wrong. Here is a movie that bites off a lot of big ideas, about responsibility, about the limits of hanging meaning on the meaningless, and how Upper West Side teens can be just as monstrous and insufferable as their east-side counterparts. Also, if every five years we could get a new movie starring the 2005 version of Matt Damon, that would be just fine. Yum. B+

PariahThere's going to be a danger of overpraising this low-budget indie for being a low-budget indie, and for being about the kinds of characters and environments you don't usually get, even in low-budget indies. When it comes to black, teenage lesbians in lower-middle-class families in non-hipster Brooklyn, we're not exactly spoiled for choice, so for that alone, Pariah SHOULD be celebrated. And it's a very good movie, on its own terms. Adpero Oduye makes for a magnetic and fascinating lead, and the movie lets her life be about a lot of different things at once. Teen movies have a particular tendency to reduce their characters' pressures to just one thing, but Oduye has to deal with coming out and fears over her parents' crumbling marriage, and strained best-friend relationships, and a lot more. It's not a perfect movie -- some of the dialogue feels heavy and scripted, and I don't think Kim Wayans is all that great as the mom. But overall, it's really solid (and not nearly the suffocating bummer I've heard it described as). B

ShameIt's maybe ever-so-slightly more an acting showcase for Michael Fassbender than a cinematic masterpiece, but who's going to complain about settling for very, very good? McQueen digs deep into Fassbender's sex addict character in a way that's explicit but not salacious, and ultimately the joke's on us, because he really puts us into the mindset of a tormented guy unable to forge any kind of human connections. It's quite something. I could go on for about 10 more lines worth of prurient concerns (honestly, Fassbender is 30% penis by volume, I'd swear to it), and one fairly story-based quibble (McQueen really pusses out at the gay club), but for the most part, it's a total must-see. B+

The Week in TV:

Fringe (5/6)I have to say, this left me largely unsatisfied. Not the part about Peter at the end -- I'm confident that's going to get resolved in a way that'll open up season 4 in a big way. But that's actually part of my real problem: this whole episode didn't feel like a conclusion to everything Season 3 has built to but rather a beginning for the next arc. But without satisfyingly resolving what had been built up this season. Like we got an epilogue and a springboard into the next chapter without the actual climax. So much of this episode was spent trying to unbox everything we were presented in the flash-forward that by the time the actual action went down, we had less than 10 minutes to advance the plot in any real way. Still love the show, still think Anna Torv has had a breakthrough season, but this was a definite letdown.

Parks and Recreation (5/5)How does this show do it? What for all intents and purposes seemed like a purely goofy, guest-star-driven episode with Parker Posey as Leslie's rich-town nemesis (with a b-story about Ron Swanson desperately trying to avoid a birthday celebration in his honor) managed to arrive at no fewer than three emotional high-points. Not one of them felt like cheap sentiment, either, they were completely earned and true to the characters. That Leslie/Ron birthday scene was set up so slyly, it was like the twist ending of a thriller. This is what a show can do when it's built on such a strong foundation of characters. Well fucking done.

30 Rock (5/5)What a weird episode, with a random Kenneth moment at the end that I'd almost buy as an actual plot point considering how well it's supported by several seasons of "Kenneth is ageless" jokes. Liz being tormented by Tracy was funny, if honestly sad, and Jenna works best when opposite Will Forte. But really, this was all about Victor Garber, for me. Kudos to the show for nabbing such a great guest star for such a fun role -- I don't know why "wool" is so comedy-friendly a concept, but it just is. It's very wool.RuPaul's Drag Race (5/2)Not as explosive as past seasons' reunions -- the Shangela-Raven feud seems to be at least nominally active, but neither seemed all that invested in propagating it. ...Well, Shangela was, kind of. But besides one more tired rehash of the Heather vs. Boogers battle (my stance: the Heathers were throwing shade like good queens should; the Boogers took it personally because they're insecure and not seasoned; advantage: Heathers), and Alexis Mateo made a lame attempt to shame Michelle Visage for actually judging her, but mostly it was just a rehash of the season's big moments. The big story for me was confirmation that my love for Mariah was not misguided. She may have been eliminated for fully supportable reasons (she didn't have the chops when it came to performance), but she showed up with a killer face and a sparkling attitude. See you on Drag U, girl!

Game of Thrones (5/1)Damn it, Game of Thrones! You got me hooked last week with that sweet scene of Jon Snow gifting his lil' sister with a sword. Why won't you just let me love you?? This week's episode took two steps forward (Catelyn continues to be a character worth cheering for; Jaime Lannister suddenly has layers beyond the clichéd sister-fucking), but then two steps back with even more tedious political hoo-ha, more indistinguishable characters, and more of Joffrey and Vinerys, possibly the most one-dimensional characters on television. On the bright side, I really think that child-bride sex slave and her hulking rape-monster of a husband are gonna make it!