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Quarter Century

1:39 AM

Today marks the beginning of my quarter century anniversary (aka my 25th birthday).
I don't know about you, but I always get the birthday blues and get into a weird, depressive downward funk. Most people are excited for their birthdays. I'm not. It's really weird to feel this way when most people celebrate and even look forward to their day. I guess it's because every year that I get older, I'm always stuck evaluating my life as I compare my life to those portrayed on the internet.

"I'm 25, what have I achieved in my life?What have I accomplished? Why haven't I accomplished what these people on Instagram have?I feel like a failure.What am I even doing with my life!?"

These existential doubts resurfaces its ugly head every year, reminding me that I'm not where I want myself to be. And to be frank, I still have no clue what I'm put on this earth for. What purpose do I serve? Am I meant to be someone great? Or just waste my life living each and every day being a human doing rather than a human living? Well, I guess either way I'm living. Unless I'm dead... well I guess now that I'm a year older, I'm a year closer to death. HAHA. How morose...

As I'm reflecting on my vocation, incompetence, and insecurities, I sought distraction in editting these photos from the Malibu Wine Safaris tour I went to with my best girlfriends and I thought to myself, "Hey! Life's not that bad. Remember the time you fed Stanley the Giraffe? And remember how much fun you had with your friends? And remember how awesome this dress was??"
Then a bleak smile cracks on my stoic face. And I remember all the great times I've had this past year, and what's yet to come for the upcoming age. So I shake off the blues like I'm dancing to jazzy tunes, and think positive thoughts. Because in the end, what you make of your life is what you perceive it to be. So perceiving it in a negative, self-deprecating way isn't going to do shit for your life .. or help you finish that bottle of wine by yourself.

Do you ever get this way on your birthday?
What kind of struggles, if any, do you experience as you age?
How do you deal with the birthday blues?