I wrote the following some time ago in response to a friend’s niece who had lost one of her classmates to suicide. It really got me thinking how fortunate and blessed with God’s Grace I really am. I say God’s grace because that is the only explanation for the fact that I am still here and writing this to you all.

My name is Clairey & I am an addict.I’m writing this so you all know a little bit of my story and what it was like, what happened and what it’s like now. My clean date is February 4th, 2008. I was raised by an amazing mom and dad (who are not addicts, alcoholics, nothing but loving and slightly codependent) in Spartanburg, SC. I was born in July 1975 and from as early as I can remember I was different.My first time drinking was my first drunk at age 15. I drank until I couldn’t remember & that’s a whole story in itself. From then on my life continue to progress from one personal struggle to the next.
I moved to Jackson Hole, Wyoming in my late teens and continued on the path of drinking and drugging and trying to ‘fit in’. I then moved to Key West, Florida briefly until the partying got bad and figured i better go back to JH where the mountains called my name. 4 years after returning I realized I had a problem around the age of 27 and decided to move to Steamboat Springs. Are you seeing a pattern here? Dang it, wherever I went, there I was!

I know it’s not typically the norm but I actually like my in-laws, truthfully I love them! Lord knows I’m far from the norm and I lovingly call them my out laws cause they are kinda crazy.

It’s Mama G’s birthday today so of course I sang to her. I asked if she had seen my blog yet. She said yes but I’m not sure if I can read it as it’s so raw! I giggled and asked why? She then proceeded to tell me that our relationship was so light-hearted and as not being in recovery some things would make her worry!

Mind you her son and my husband is in recovery too so this is nothing new to her. Now that I’m a mom though I get it. It’s nice to be loved and worried about in a good way. It’s nice to communicate openly with the ones we love and understand that they don’t understand.

I reassured her that my lingo was typical recovery stuff and not to worry. But… She’s a mom and she will anyway! Based on her experience she has plenty of reason too as well ;0)

The gift for me today is I have nothing to hide. I figure if you knew me then when I was out running and gunning it was no big secret I had a problem so clearly something is different and why not share my solution?!

I’m not ashamed of my past today. I’ve made amends for my wrongs and continue to clear away the wreckage of my past. My past IS my greatest asset! I can’t keep what I have unless I give it away. So here I am stripped of any secrets and sharing with you who I am today because of who I was yesterday. I am grateful. I’m grateful that even my in-laws love me and yes I them. I’m grateful my own family loves me! I’m grateful that not only do they all love me but that I have a new adoptive and (quite dysfunctional family I might add) in the program who loves me and has my back as I have theirs.

They might not all like me but I know without a shadow of a doubt that if my recovery was in danger they too would be there for me. What a gift the life I have today. Excited to go on a road trip to see all my out-laws for Thanksgiving. Hoping Mama G made my son something awesome to wear. She makes super cute kids clothes and I feel blessed yet again that I have such a neat family.

Headed into the deep woods in Northern Idaho for my husband’s birthday Thanksgiving & to celebrate his 7th anniversary in recovery! So until we return to cell, internet and any other technology have a great holiday!

And if you’re not in the USA, like myself I don’t need a designated day to be Thankful even in the toughest of moments I can find some gratitude! Gobble, Gobble!

So here it is a little after 3 months after my dear friend Christie and my father encouraged me to start a blog. I didn’t even really know what a blog was! But as the title to this post says…I figured I better ‘let go’ of my perfectionism which leads to procrastination and get this sucker up! Sooooo,

WELCOME to High on Hugs! My name is Clairey and I am an addict in recovery. I got my foundation in one 12 step fellowship and attend another now that I’m back in Wyoming. You’ll hear me call myself an addict and an alcoholic. It doesn’t really matter to me as I know my problem is me and the drugs, alcohol, whatever were but a symptom.

Most importantly I am Clairey, a wife, mom, friend, daughter, sister etc. Making people laugh has always been something that fuels me, so hopefully as I deal with life on life’s terms on a day to day basis you all can get a good giggle as well and maybe just maybe realize YOU are not alone in this journey called life and like me start to laugh at yourselves as well.

I’ll try to carry a positive message as often as I can but I’m human so sometimes I’ll be carrying a mess! My gift today is I have a solution as long as I’m willing, open, and honest! I look forward to getting some feedback and getting to know all you folks out there! ((((HUGS)))))

So last night after some personal struggles going on in between my ears I decided to just sit & listen to our bonfire and close friends and look up at the amazing sky.

As most of you know me, Clairey, being quiet, especially in a group…is a feat in itself. As I stare at the Milky Way and look at my fave Orion an amazing shooting star complete with great tail, shot directly out of Orion’s bow & arrow!

I shrieked with joy while squealing,”oh thanks God, that was AWESOME!”

After the gang left I took a hot bath and did some serious meditating and then prayed before going to sleep. I slept more soundly than i have in a long time and woke remembering only part of my dream.

A sweet angelic voice told me, “find your inner peace, as that is where you will discover the answers to your questions, “who is Clairey?” (not just a daughter, friend, wife, and mother) and “what does true happiness mean?” You and you only have the answers, just look deep within.

Trust & have faith in yourself as much as you do with your spiritual beliefs and the truth will be revealed.” I’ve been awake for 2 hours now and can still hear that voice from my dream as clear as a bell. I don’t ever remember being so deeply effected by a dream.

Sitting here looking at our “purple mountain majesty” and being grateful I can do so!

Thank you to all the men & women and their families past & present who have sacrificed so much for this country and everyone in it.

Today and every day my freedoms run deep.

I can openly pray to the God of my understanding.

I can say what I want.

I can eat, live, and sleep where I choose to.

I can openly share my thoughts on what I wish to.

I can take my family down the rivers or up the mountains and only be afraid of Mother Nature herself.

Today is a day where I am reminded to be thankful for my predecessors, who have fought so diligently to give me all I have and to protect all that as well.

I might not always be proud or happy with the “little things” but when I look at the big picture I am reminded of the challenges we have faced and the progress we have all made as a whole.

Although we will always have our trials and tribulations our country’s pride and heritage run deep and I am so proud to call myself an American.

So on this celebration of Independence Day I ask while you are enjoying your family, food, fireworks, and the great outdoors to please take a moment to reflect and give thanks to all those that have lost their lives and for the families who’s members they’ve lost protecting us folks and the country we choose to call home.

So here’s to the red, white, and blue and God Bless the good ole U.S. of A!!!