Hi all my name is Jo and I have been advised to start up a weight loss diary to help me through my lulls and to enjoy my highs.

I have recently returned to SW after a 10 week hiatus. I had lost 17lbs when I went off plan and I went off plan due to a few things happening in my life. One being my Nan dying and the other being moving home. I shouldn't be using either as an excuse but sh** happens and sometimes staying on plan is the last thought on your mind. As far as my Nan dying is concerned it was just a lot of rushing around from here to there and eating during the madness and we ate out a lot during the days as we told people, arranged the funeral, sorted out her belongings and affairs etc and all this happened just as I was moving house my Nan passed away May 7th and I moved house May 17th so it all overlapped so as well as sorting out a funeral and so forth I was packing boxes and unpacking boxes and going to work and looking after and unruly 2 year old and I just got overwhelmed and stopped caring about SW it wasn't a priority at the time.

What brought me back to SW was time away...rather than sticking to SW throughout this time I wasn't feeling guilty for slipping up I just stepped away and came back when I was ready. I put 6lbs on during my 10 weeks off plan and I am happy with that because if you knew the stuff I ate and the amount you would be shocked it wasn't more. This past Friday July 11th was my first weigh in and I've already shifted 4 of the 6lbs I had gained so almost back on track and I'm also 1lb away from reclaiming my stone award.

Although I wish the 10 weeks hadn't happened I've accepted that it has and I am proud that I came back because it would have been so easy to say well it's too late now...but I have too much to lose if I don't stick to my journey and reach my goal.

I started a complete fresh on July 4th when restarting SW and I am using all tools available to me from SW and made up by myself to keep me on track and encouraged.

I have gone back to doing food diaries both on paper and on this forum and I find it really is helping me a lot.

I've also stopped finding excuses not to do regular exercise on top of my general everyday exercise i.e. housework. So I purchased a cross trainer recently and I am working towards my bronze award I am trying to do 10 minutes a day on it and on my first day I found 10 minutes in one session was too much for me being my size and the weather being as hot as it is at the moment so I thought rather than feel discouraged about doing it again tomorrow I would break it up into two 5 minute sessions so I do them at the coolest parts of the day first thing in a morning and last thing at night and I'm finding it much easier and much more enjoyable.

I take my photo and my measurements at the beginning of each month to see my progress and I have also made myself a monthly checklist to make sure I take my photo and measurements, to make sure I'm on track with Body Magic and my 2lb challenge (will explain in a moment) and then I reflect on the month passed and see if I have done the best I can and see if I'm ready for the month ahead. I also put my most recent picture on the fridge door so that if I am having a weak moment it has the potential to keep me on track because it's not a flattering picture and it will remind me of why I'm doing SW.

I also found this on the SW website a 'For and Against' list. So I have written a list of reasons why I need to lose weight and a list of why I shouldn't and on the Against side the only thing I have written is 'There isn't anything'

Another thing that I have done and this is just me not SW advised but I felt it might help me. I've done a stone award chart and for every stone I lose I get to treat myself to something that I put off buying as I'm very selfless and I would rather my hubby, daughter and animals have things so I tend to go without quite a lot lol. They start off as stupid little things like hopefully this Friday I will reclaim my stone award and I want to go to the cinema nothing grand I just never get to go. As the stones go on they get grander right up to my target weight which simply says 'Baby #2' as I want more children so it's showing me with a little hard work what I could get from a night at the cinema to a family holiday to a new child.

Now I mentioned above about my 2lb challenge this was something I started when I initially started in February I just pick significant dates and aim to lose an amount by that date based on losing 2lb a week. My first 2lb challenge was to lose 18lbs from February to Easter I lost 14lb which I think was really good. My next 2lb challenge was to lose 36lbs from Easter to my daughters birthday at August bank holiday but obviously I have been off plan for 10 weeks but rather than scrap it I just reorganised it and my new challenge is to lose 14lbs by her birthday and I've already lost 4lbs so I'm doing well so far. You'll also see little targets and mini goals in my signature below this is all to keep me motivated because losing 175lbs isn't going to happen overnight and those little goals and wins in between really help.

Ok well that's my story so far I hope you read more as I write more and I hope this inspires or helps someone.

Nothing much to report about yesterday I did wake up with a pain in my stomach but I'm wondering if its to do with using the cross trainer as it feels like I've pulled something so we'll see how that goes.

Other than that a pretty normal day I went to work and during my lunch I went to the local sandwich shop and really didn't want to waste my syns on a bread roll so I looked at the salad boxes and it came with coleslaw so I asked if they could make it without coleslaw and substitute it for something else...they weren't very accommodating so I left with nothing so I was working on an empty stomach I finished work and came home to eat immediately so I had a very late lunch yesterday.

Then, as if a fat lass on a diet isn't bad enough I am a fat lass on a diet who makes celebration cakes on the side so yesterday afternoon/evening I was working on a cake that I have to do for Friday it just made me chuckle while I was doing it thinking I should be avoiding all sweet stuff like this lol.

Myself and my husband then went to pick up a new fridge as my fridge which is apart of a fridge freezer has had it. I took my yogurt out yesterday morning and it was frozen solid yet the milk is always lukewarm lol and the bottom is covered in water its like a little paddling pool so you can't use the salad box or the bottom shelf and apparently you can't put things to the back of the shelf because they freeze lol...yet the freezer part is working fine lol...go figure.

I then prepared dinner and I was meant to be having gammon and fresh pineapple, I cut into my pineapple it had gone off. I was sooooooo looking forward to my pineapple more than the rest of my dinner so think I'm going to have to go buy another, its the weirdest thing my fruit bowl used to be near the window because I had nowhere else to put it then we found somewhere else to put it away from the window and now I can't keep a banana yellow and my pineapples gone off think I'm going to have to rethink it.

I then attempted to go on the cross trainer, I did manage it but a 5 minute session turned into about 20 minutes as my 2 year old is in love with the cross trainer and when I can't find her she's usually shut herself in my bedroom and is going round and round on the cross trainer lol or Mummy's bike as she calls it lol.

I think I did have a SW breakthrough yesterday. I hadn't used any of my syns and my husband is one of those annoying people that binge eats and never puts weight on so him and my daughter were sat beside me eating chocolate (very supportive) and even though I had the syns and could have indulged I said no and I wasn't bothered I just didn't feel like them and I was actually sat saying what shall I have as a treat? And I wanted nothing so I think I've cracked it...I may not be singing the same tune come star week when I'm licking shop windows to get to the chocolate lol but nonetheless I was very proud of myself.

Ok so ended up at the doctors about my stomach figured it was going on a bit now however it is easing up. Had to leave a sample and hope to hear from them soon.

Yesterday was one of those blah days where nothing much happened yet I was busy all day. I got up to date with everything on here and I opened a new thread on inspirational photos there's only 2 there atm but I'm hoping as the months go by I'll be able to see a difference in my physical appearance as you're your own worst critic and even though I know I've lost inches I don't see any difference in my appearance...everyone says they can see I've lost it on my shoulders (because that's where I want to lose it not my big gut or fat bum but on my shoulders lol) and in all fairness I am getting sick of lifting some of my tops back on my shoulder.

I had another hour or so on my cake that's due for delivery on Friday had a fright though my 2 year old likes to 'help' when I'm modelling on cakes but if I leave the room she usually ruins what work I have done and I needed something from my other baking box so I asked my hubby to watch the baby while I went into the kitchen the next thing I heard was CRASH and my hubby shouting 'Darcy!!' my stomach dropped and I thought OMG she's knocked my modelling off the table rushed back into the room to find she'd took all my modelling tools out put them on the table and knocked them off followed by my cook book holder which was holding the picture of the woman I'm making the cake for whom I was making a model of...these are the times when I can't wish for September 14th to come fast enough...this will be my daughters first day at nursery...so I will have 3 hours a day completely to myself so I won't have to model with her 'help' anymore lol

I did my 10 minute's on the cross trainer and I'm thinking of putting in another 5 minute session in the middle of the day because I'm not feeling any pain from my ten minutes a day so I think I'd be able to handle another 5 minutes and just keep building it up over time. I know I don't need to do 15 minutes a day for my bronze award on Body Magic but I just want to see if I can up my exercise. I know this would put me in the running for my silver award but I would rather get them in order plus I may not be able to manage it for whatever reason so just see how things go.

Well today started at 4:30am for me I don't know why I just woke up and I was up lol

I've been busy all day firstly I was on here this morning and on SW online updating things and I saw someone post on here their ?? stone award and certificate from group and I started to feel left out because I do SW from home so I found all SW certificates from 1/2st to 11 1/2st online and I've printed out my 1/2st certificate so I'm a happy bunny now and hopefully on Friday I'll be getting my 1st certificate *fingers crossed*

I usually decide what I'm going to have for the day ahead but I had nothing planned so out of the blue I decided on omelette and I measured out some cheese it was delicious and my Mum bless her she brought me some crème caramels because on WW they were quite low in points if not free but on SW they cost 6 syns but didn't have the heart to tell her and couldn't resist them so I had one after my dinner. I then remembered I hadn't used my HEX B for cheese and when I made the SW lasagne (delish btw) I had to syn my cheese...silly cow I am lol

Update from the doctors...my sample was apparently contaminated...don't know how...but it was showing signs of infection...so had to produce another sample and now have to wait till Friday for results but my stomach isn't hurting as much as it was so hopefully whatever it is, is clearing up.

I am just about to do more work on the cake order I have then I think I'm off to bed because it's been a long day and tomorrow is going to be even longer.

My husbands car decided to pack up and die about a month back so he's now using my car to get to and from work so I only get the car one day a month I'm getting it tomorrow and then again on August 22nd problem is my daughters birthday is August 23rd and I have to go shopping for presents and party supplies so I have to go tomorrow as its my last chance so off I go tomorrow to the bear factory or build a bear whatever its called, then Disney shop, then Primark, then hopefully one of my last trips to Evans, then I have to avoid Starbucks and the food hall lol, then go buy cards and then go to Asda megastore for all party supplies. Then finally I get to come home bake a cake, finish the modelling..........................OMG I'm exhausted thinking about it.

Right folks off I go to model the cake and hopefully I won't be long out of bed.

You have no idea how proud I am of myself! I have just returned from my day shopping I avoided Starbucks which is the killer I love my Starbucks. I opted for a cheese salad sandwich and took the cheese off...bit miffed it had branston pickle on and I couldn't scrape it off. I took my daughter to McDonalds didn't buy anything for me and wasn't tempted to eat her food. She then had a cookie on the way out I didn't order anything then the girl behind the counter offered me tasters (broken bits they can't sell lol) and I refused. I also went on one of my last trips to Evans (I swear it will be) and bought 2 new pairs of trousers one in my size now and one in the size down so I'm looking forward. I really am proud of myself.

I also am happy to be home because taking an excited 2 year old who refuses to nap is exhausting. We arrived and immediately went to the Disney store where she wanted everything including things she's already got lol

We then went to build a bear to make a my little pony toy and she wanted to put it on skates which would have cost like an additional £20 depending on which shoes she picked so I said no and became bad Mummy.

We then went to Primark to get her new play clothes as my sweet little princess is actually a tom boy and we have no clothes without holes in lol.

We then went to Asda for party supplies for her birthday party and she wanted everything in sight. I have ended up coming home with a football she doesn't need and a Belle (beauty and the beast) tea set which I had actually promised her few weeks back but thought she'd forgot. Then my hubby saw a pizza in there with hotdog in the crust on the day he opted to make his own pizza and every time we've been back since they haven't had it but today I finally got one so my daughter decided she needed one so she picked up on of those small 50p ones...I will not be having pizza lol

And finally we went to Pets at Home to buy crickets for our bearded dragon Jagger and for some reason every time we go in she brings me a dog bone for our 10 month old puppy Maisie so getting her to put it back on the shelf (not because I'm mean because she already has one at home) is hard work.

I will be back later to fill you in on the rest of my day. I'm so proud of me!!

WOW exciting I bought a new top and for one reason or another didn't try it on in the shop it's my normal size but its loose on my boobs and belly so YAY!! that 13lbs (up to tomorrow morning anyway) has made a difference.

While I'm writing this I am waiting patiently for the cake to cook...you have no idea how good my house smells right now lol...and nothing better than cake straight out the oven...thank god this isn't for me because I don't think I'd be able to resist this smell lol no, no I would...I have will power *she says sniffing the air* have you seen in cartoons where the character becomes so intoxicated by the smell from the kitchen they float towards it? Lets just say its a good job this isn't a cartoon lol.

How am I feeling about weigh in tomorrow?

I am positive I'm not going to gain but I suddenly became worried this morning that I may not lose. I have read threads where people have said they weigh more when they first start working out and regardless of what SW themselves say some weeks you can be on plan 100% and not lose. So I'm a little worried...I predicted 2lbs but I will be more than happy with 1lb as that will reclaim me my stone award. I guess I just have to wait until 6:10 tomorrow morning but I am honestly like a kid at Christmas waiting to see if I've got my stone award back.

BTW I weigh in at that ridiculous time because my husband takes my car to work and he leaves at 6:30am and I get weighed at the local supermarket.

hi there sweetie, i have really enjoyed reading your diary.. you seem to have a very strong plan in force, and you know what you want to achieve which is brilliant! - you seem to be great at resisting temptation, which is one of my strong points.. but the trouble is that when i crack and give in, i just dont stop! it starts off as a one-off treat and ends up being several weeks of pigging out on everything that i havent been able to eat while dieting - so this time i am allowing myself treats along the way so that i dont feel deprived - anyway, well done! i will be checking back to see how youre getting on xxx

hi there sweetie, i have really enjoyed reading your diary.. you seem to have a very strong plan in force, and you know what you want to achieve which is brilliant! - you seem to be great at resisting temptation, which is one of my strong points.. but the trouble is that when i crack and give in, i just dont stop! it starts off as a one-off treat and ends up being several weeks of pigging out on everything that i havent been able to eat while dieting - so this time i am allowing myself treats along the way so that i dont feel deprived - anyway, well done! i will be checking back to see how youre getting on xxx

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Thank you I didn't think anyone was reading so good to know I'm not talking to myself but tbh I would write it even if it was just for me because I am enjoying it. I am learning to be good at resisting I haven't been in the past but hopefully this is the last time I restart SW. Before I was just doing it by myself this time I have made sure I have support on here and motivation at home so hopefully I'll crack it this time but I am exactly the same I'm like a can of pringles once I start I can't stop and I do major damage like the first time I gained 16lbs and this time I gained 6lbs so I am terrible but I just keep reading my little SW folder that I've made myself and remind myself why I'm doing it. Easily said on my 2nd week back but we'll see how it goes.

Omg...im stunned to my seat...5lbs off for me thats 9lbs in 2 weeks...I have reclaimed my stone award...I'm back to the weight I was before I went AWOL...And I started at 315lbs I am now into the 200s granted only just but still... Happy does not explain it...I had prepared myself for 1-2lbs. This is amazing I feel like I'm finally back on track. The cross trainer works lol

My predicted loss for next week: ideally 3 then I will get my 1 1/2 award but will be happy with any loss

I am soooo happy *does happy dance*

What a start to the day!!!

Just leaving an update while I wait for the cake to cool. As you can imagine I'm buzzing this morning with my weight loss and my award and then the top fitting better yesterday etc so I decided to treat myself so the pizza I mentioned yesterday that I bought my husband...I'm having some for dinner. I calculated it on Syns calculator and it said 31 1/2 syns for half a pizza I'm only going to have one slice and accompany it with home fries and salad. I don't know whether to cut it into 6 pieces and use 10 1/2 syns on it or cut it into 8 and have it for 8 syns...I'm thinking 8 then I can have another crème caramel lol.

Right better go check the cake as I have to make my buttercream and dirty ice it before I start kneading the massive block of fondant and rolling it out...now that's a workout how I don't have bulging biceps is beyond me. Then a little bit of last minute modelling and cakes done...ready to be delivered at 6pm.

Then after I've done my cake I have to go to work...it never ends lol

Cake dirty iced and chilling...I'm now sat here in silence listening to my daughters repetitive cartoons hoping she falls to sleep so I can ice and model the cake without her help. I don't think its going to happen but I can dream...lol

It's done!! That's the cake done with thank god now I can concentrate on something else. Just have to go to work now lol.

Ok I didn't go to work lol I decided to stay home and have a disco instead lol. My daughters disco light arrived in the post for her birthday party so we've set it up and been dancing to the cheesiest songs from agadoo, to the superman song, to Macarena, Saturday night...right through to gangnam style...I'm knackered lol But what a workout lol I even danced with my 10 month old puppy...the longer I live here the more comfortable I get with the craziness lol. But it was fun!

I HATE FRIDAYS!! I know most people hate Mondays but since my husband robbed my car we don't get home till 7:30pm every Friday. He gets back home at 4pm we then go see my in laws we then go shopping but today we also had the cake delivery to do and with the weather geez Louise!! I have just sat down and I have to get up again in 10 minutes to put the pizza in the oven. And I want it on record that I am hotter than the sun (exaggeration lol) and I still went on the cross trainer and irony or not I don't know but I always put music channel on and I like golden oldies so I have magic on and the song I was working out to was Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody and I couldn't help but laugh when the line 'As time goes by so slowly...' because that five minutes felt like five hours. I also want to pat myself on the back because usually after all this I would opt for a takeaway and I haven't so I am proud of myself.

Update from the doctors they haven't had my results back so I have to wait till Monday so I have to feel horrible and uncomfortable till Monday at the earliest. I haven't slept properly since Monday I'm getting around on fumes.

Ok folks I'm off to check my dinner and chillax for the rest of the day.

Well different start to my day than yesterday was woken up this morning by a phone call from my hubby he's broken down 30 miles from home and the breakdown wouldn't talk to him as it's in my name so I've had to ring them and give them details about something I don't know and can't see to get him towed home lol. It's his own fault on the MOT in March they told him what has broken today needed attention he likes to think he's a mechanic himself (he is not) and kept saying 'ill do that this weekend' and of course something else took priority so I have no sympathy for him. I'm actually happy it happened to him because usually I have the car on Saturdays but he had to go into work himself so he took it if not it would have broken down on me lol I believe they call that karma lol

MEN!! Why are they incapable of doing what they're supposed to? 4 months he's known about the car needing checking and did he do it? No. He waited until the car packed up to do something about it and now that small thing that would have cost less than £20 is now costing us £150 plus £80 he hasn't got for working today. I seriously question my marriage sometimes because its like having 2 kids accept my 2 year old has more common sense than her father and does what she's told to do. He seems to think I fart out fivers. AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Rant over!

Sorry about that but if I hadn't had that mini meltdown on here I would have taken it out on him. So there's the update his stupidity has wound up costing us £150. Without going into great detail...we just get by each week on our incomes but it seems like every time we get ahead he finds or causes a big expense. The last one was his car. He had to have a car because he'd just passed his test so instead of doing his homework and going through a car dealer he bought 'a good un from his mate'. Suppose to have checked it over before buying it but within 24 hours of it being parked up outside our house there was a puddle of oil the size of childs paddling pool after him guessing what the problem was and pumping money into fixing the oil leak which he never did fix btw he then took it for the MOT 3 months after we bought it, it failed miserably and my hubby decided to scrap it for £150 the bill to get it fixed was £250 we then rang up to cancel his car insurance and it cost us £200 to cancel his insurance. Every single time does he manage to do it. I'm a little stressed today.

I eventually calmed down and had a chilled night with the family and even though I had a headache I went on my cross trainer felt like my head was going to explode but I did it. Than I don't know about where you are but yesterday evening we had thunder and lightning so I curled up in conservatory with my dog and watched it...as I find it therapeutic.

Well today has been a blur...was woken up by a panic call from my mum her boiler was leaking and they had no hot water. We went down to look at it and it was beyond help so she has had to call for a plumber bless her. Then as my job is very very dull I sat and made invites for my daughters birthday party all morning. I then came home went into town for a few things then went and had dinner at my mums as we do every Sunday I came home finished off my daughters invites and I am now on here writing this. I then intend to go sit down and do nothing its just one of those days I don't know what's wrong but I'm feeling a little blue and everything my husband does is bugging me so I'm biting my tongue a lot today to stop from having a huge argument...maybe TOTM? Not sure.

Have kept on plan today and also worked out on cross trainer...there honestly isn't anything else for me to report today...very blah today.

Oh accept its nearly been a week since I went to the doctors and they still haven't done anything and it's driving me insane just as I think things are going back to normal it all starts again and I am so tired. So first thing in the morning I'm ringing them and telling them if they don't have my results back in then regardless they're prescribing me something because a week of putting up with this is enough. I'm fed up!

I'm unsure I finally got to sleep around 2am this morning to be woken at 6am by my daughter. I will be ringing doctors at 8:30am and demanding something be done so hopefully something will be done today and I'll be feeling better in a couple of days. Enoughs enough now.

So today I have a lot of housework to do but if the weather is anything like the weekend the housework can wait because it was ridiculous this weekend I was just a pool of sweat but I think if its a bright day today I'll get my daughters pool out and we'll have a day in the garden and have a picnic etc.

I've already been on my cross trainer and it's only Monday and I've met my weekly target for my bronze award seems a bit stupid as I could probably go for my silver but I want all the awards lol. So I shall persevere according to the SW website I will receive my bronze award on 8th August so not long now.

Ok so rang the doctors everything came back negative so now I'm even more worried because I'm not imagining this so what could be happening? I have an appointment later on today but it's with a doctor I don't like he doesn't like to be told he's wrong and misdiagnosed me with tonsillitis twice I still say on purpose because I told him what was wrong...as I suffer with it so I knew. I can tell you right now what he's going to say...your tests came back negative there is nothing wrong with you but being overweight doesn't help. Tempted to cancel and wait till tomorrow and get a different doctor.

So I cancelled the appointment I didn't want to see the nasty doctor so I took my mums dog to the vets instead...as you do lol. He's actually my dog but when I moved out my Mums house she refused to let me take him because him and my mums dog had grown up together and she was worried they'd miss each other...don't worry he's ok he just has a skin irritation I say 'just' its because he has them regular it's apart of his breed. Bless him.

I then came home and I don't usually use my syns on bread but I decided to have a salad sandwich for lunch so there go 8 syns as I had to use my daughters bread which is an 800g medium sliced loaf. BTW was not worth it lol

Now I don't know why I feel the urge to tell you this I just thought it was a little weird. I decided to buy some salad stuff in this week which I don't usually do as I'm not a salad person and I bought some cold meats to go with it one being Garlic Sausage. I opened it up to put some one my sandwich ate the sandwich...then got the garlic sausage out the fridge and ate the entire packet...as you can imagine my breath smells delish lol. I just couldn't stop myself from eating it all and curiosity got the better of me so checked syn value because obviously sausages have a syn value but I can eat the whole packet for 1/2 syn. That's amazing! More garlic sausage on my shopping list for next week.

I then went on cross trainer again because I thought hey why not? LoL then I sat organising my SW folder out and noticed my daughter had gone quiet which can mean one of two things.

1. she's being naughty
2. she's asleep

Went to check on her to find her asleep in the conservatory. Aww bless lol So I now get a few moments of peace and quiet before she wakes up and the hubby gets home.

When he does get home however I'll be making our dinner and we're having Mexican chicken which is mmmm good and Mediterranean << hard word to spell thank you spell check lol vegetables with SW chips because my hubby has everything with chips. Made him an omelette and salad last night for dinner and he got back up had a packet of biscuits, a chocolate bar a big Cadbury's bar and then a bowl of cereal...who wants to bet I put weight on this week because he's a pig lol.

And I'm going to do another 5 minutes on the cross trainer and that will be me on target for bronze award.

Hello,
Just read through your diary and had a few lil smiles to myself as you use phrases I do too.
You sound like youre doing amazing especially when youre doing it at home and with a lil one AND making cakes for a living!

Im so impressed you've got a cross trainer that's so dedicated!
What are you eating for breakfast and lunch? Theyre the ones I really struggle with.

Im trying to get back in the right mindset and reading your diary has really made me think I need to stop making excuses. xx

Hello,
Just read through your diary and had a few lil smiles to myself as you use phrases I do too.
You sound like youre doing amazing especially when youre doing it at home and with a lil one AND making cakes for a living!

Im so impressed you've got a cross trainer that's so dedicated!
What are you eating for breakfast and lunch? Theyre the ones I really struggle with.

Im trying to get back in the right mindset and reading your diary has really made me think I need to stop making excuses. xx

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Thank you for reading my diary glad to know I'm not talking to myself lol and thanks for your comments.

I'm impressed with the cross trainer too. I kept buying the DVDs that I knew I couldn't do before I clicked Buy Now on Amazon and my sister in law had lost a load of weight with a weighted hula hoop so gave that a try...turns out I can't hula hoop its so much easier on the Wii lol...I tried and tried even my 2 year old does it better than me so the DVDs get put aside the hula hoop hasn't even been unpacked here at my new house lol and I love my Wii I really do but for some reason it's being a little ***** either the remotes won't work or the board won't work so I have given up on that for the time being plus it's hard work to do Wii when everytme I step off the board my daughter steps on lol. I'm too self conscious to join a gym as I'm in the 21st bracket so I decided I needed to do something and as big as I am I love walking but I can't get the workout I want when I walk my dog because my dog is only 10 months and gets easily distracted and excited by butterflies, bees, blades of grass, her own reflection in a puddle lol she's a bimbo...but I love her and my daughter walks at her own pace again easily distracted by butterflies, bees, blades of grass, her own reflection in a puddle lol another bimbo lol...and they also like to go in opposite direction to each other so I'm usually just stood for 30 minutes calling them both back lol. Anyway my cousin who is a success story with WW's has an air walker and I went on it and it was ok kind of felt like I was learning to walk then got talking to her neighbour on the way out of her house the same day and she said I have a cross trainer come try it and I did and I loved it but I didn't want to buy a new one in case it was just going to be a bigger version of the DVDs buy it can't do it and push it aside so I bought one for £20 off gum tree it isn't pretty but it does what it needs to do and I'm really enjoying it. Don't know if I will be when I start the silver award because 10 minutes killed me the first time I tried it and for silver you have to do 6x 15 minute sessions but we'll see.

As for the breakfasts and lunches.

Breakfast: I very rarely stray from Weetabix in a morning but this is purely because I love my cereal if there was a cereal diet I'd be on it but I have done the full English, I did overnight oats which is 35g oats (HEX B), natural yogurt and berries layered and left in the fridge overnight...one of my favourite things to eat, tried fruit for breakfast but it doesn't fill me. I haven't ventured far from that sorry.

Lunches: Vary depending on my mood. I sometimes have a cooked meal like me and my daughter like SW fish and chips, gammon and potatoes. Sometimes we go for smaller meals like jacket potatoes and this last week we've been on an omelette kick. I try to stay away from sandwiches because I would have to syn my bread because I'm not willing to give up my Weetabix on HEX B and the syn value for bread is ridiculous but you have that option and this week I think a little swayed by the weather I brought in salad stuff and we're having salads or something with a side salad.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful but I just eat what I want to eat but the healthy way and it totally goes from day to day depending on what I feel like that's why I have a lot of repetition in my menu because I just eat regular food I don't go looking through SW website for recipes of things I normally wouldn't cook because they don't appeal to me.

As for you needing to get in the right mind set. I recently read somewhere that there's no such thing as yo-yo dieters it's just people not willing to make a change. And it's true until you're ready to make the changes needed you'll never succeed at it. I'm doing well but I don't know that this is going to be the right time I've lost weight before and here I am again...but the difference is this time and not meant to be sad and pathetic but I live, eat and breathe my weight loss not SW but weight loss. I've taken things from the SW website and made things up for myself to keep me on track and I'm always on here either posting my frustrations, asking stupid questions, or reading inspirational stories thinking to myself well if they can I can. This is only week 3 for me back on plan but there's a difference this time, no cheeky takeaways, no treating myself on weigh in day, no guessing syn values I am actually taking pictures of the back of packets and going home and working the syns out then putting things on my shopping list and finally I'm enjoying my syns. I don't eat any form of fat butter, oil, lard you name it, it makes me cringe so I don't have to syn for butter on my bread or cooking in oil or whatever. I'm lucky enough to not be a crisp fan, I'm happy with sweetener in my drinks, I don't drink fizzy pops and I like my water so I wasn't using my syns and if I was it never went over 5 and I never brought chocolate and treats into the house but now I have my own chocolate just for me and hubby and daughter have theirs and I enjoy my chocolate or my crème caramels instead of avoiding them because of their syns so I don't feel deprived and I'm not craving chocolate. It's hard to explain but something's changed this time. My biggest obstacle was my exercise so I did something about where maybe before I would have said 'no I'm not buying a cross trainer I'll never use it' or 'I'm too fat to use a cross trainer' I JUST DID IT. And now it's the first thing I do in a morning before I go downstairs and I go straight on it after my dinner and I'm hoping to be putting in a midday workout or try and extend my workouts to 10 minutes instead of five. You have to ask yourself if you really want to lose weight or if you've been told you need to lose weight because they're two different things. I hope you do find your way and you have great success and I hope you keep reading and something I say helps. Now I'm off to read your diary and I'll be commenting and encouraging you.

Wow I got a lay in that only happens when I'm ill lol. I got woken up by my Doods at 8am and while she watched her cartoons in Mummies bed I went on the cross trainer. We then came downstairs and had our breakfasts and now I'm on here updating this. I have housework to do today and I need to go into town but I've been putting it off because of the heat but today is very overcast and at 3am this morning it was foggy so I might venture into town later. I don't know why but I hate going into town...especially when it's just for one thing...I only need the bank...I'll go eventually lol.

So I went to town lol wasn't as bad as I thought I then walked my daughter to the park and spent bit of time there then I came home and made a decision.

I don't know if I've mentioned on here before but on a Friday we don't get home till 7:30pm because we visit in laws and then go shopping. My hubby has my car during the week I work at weekends so really Fridays the only option because I can't walk my daughter to the supermarket it's too far, I refuse to struggle on the bus with her and shopping and I'm not going to pay for a taxi when I have my own car. Anyway I have been thinking about it since my hubby stole my car and finally made a decision to order my shopping online for home delivery. I used to do this before I could drive and they weren't the greatest always sending me the wrong thing, or substituting items and they were nothing alike like seriously ridiculous like substituting an apple for a chicken...it was bad lol and there was an incident where I ended up paying for someone else's shopping who had the same surname as me...no idea how it happened took 4 months for them to correct didn't get an apology for it happening and think that was when I stopped shopping online but something needs to change because I hate Fridays. So I have done my shopping this morning and it's coming on Thursday rather than Friday simply because it was cheaper delivery lol £1 bargain lol last time I ordered it was like £6 a slot. So we'll see how this goes there's some things I can't get from the supermarket like my dragons crickets, my cats overpriced but no different from the cheap stuff medicated food...long story involving an argument with a vet lol...but they're 10 minute jobs so can either do that on Fridays or during the week when hubby comes home.

As I'm writing this my stomach is growling...which is strange as I was up late this morning and my stomach doesn't usually growl maybe it was the food shopping lol but I don't know what I want. Well I do but I don't have any I want tomato soup...which is weird because I hate tomato soup lol but I'll go see what I can find to eat and report back later.

So we decided on SW fish and chips and then I followed that with one of my fave things a penguin that I suck my cup of tea through and it melts in your mouth its' delish!

Just had a bit of a piss me off moment. I have a friend who I have been friends with for 27 years and she really does wind me up. She is my best friend until someone new comes along then she doesn't give me the time of day and when I make arrangements with her she ends up inviting the new friend along. Well she's just annoyed me because she was at the bus stop near my house and decided to knock on my door haven't seen or spoke to her in god knows how long she stands talking to me then someone she knows arrives at bus stop and suddenly she has to go check which bus she needs to catch and walks off...because she would rather talk to this person at bus stop. I hate it if you don't like me then just say but stop using me and pretending to like me in-between changing and shuffling your real friends. ****ing pissed off!!

I calmed down after my little moment lol and I spent the rest of my day in the garden with my daughter and puppy, then I did dinner, went on the cross trainer and went to bed.

Anyway we woke up and I watched my guilty pleasure Devious Maids lol then I went on cross trainer while doods watched her cartoons.

Then we did some tidying because I'm expecting company either today or tomorrow but I don't know whether she's going to text first or just turn up so better safe than sorry...not that my house is dirty but if you have kids you know how hard it is to keep the house tidy and with a puppy too and a puppy that knows how to open my kitchen cupboards as well, she keeps stealing my kitchen sponges taking them into the garden and chewing them into pieces but they're in my cupboard so I have no idea how she's getting them lol...she's also found out how to open my rubbish bin...its a push top one so she know if she jumps on lid it ill open I found half the contents on my back garden yesterday chewed to bits.

Next I'm going to do some more tidying, get up to date on my SW folder because 2 more sleeps till WI lol seriously like a kid at Christmas guna be so upset come Friday and I either haven't lost anything or haven't lost as much as I want. Then finally I have a load of things taking up space in my cupboard so I'm going to gum tree them but no idea what price to charge for them I've been doing this since May for some reason I just can't be bothered lol.

I have just been to SW website to read some success stories and someone who is doing SW Online like myself made a comment about a Hall of Fame so I looked into it and it's where you're given SOTW, SOTM etc...but I do not stand a chance this week the highest loss was 14lbs...who loses a stone in a week? And these aren't new members. A stone? Come on!! SOTM - 29.5lbs that's nearly 7.5lbs a week. Who are these people? Last week was my biggest loss on SW including my first week 5lbs that's it.

Wow I'm on the ball I finally put my items on Gumtree lets see if they sell and I moved my bedroom around and dinner is all ready waiting to be cooked just got no family here to feed hubbys on way home from work daughter went home with my Mum...I'm starving as well I guess a salad isn't enough to fill me. I've been on cross trainer one more go on it and that's me done for today.

I just wanted to show you this. I actually got it last Friday just haven't got around to posting a pic. My cousin has a similar one in her kitchen and thought it was cute so bought myself one. It's nice to have this information at hand lol.

Early morning for me today I knew the lay ins were too good to be true lol. I got up went on cross trainer good little me lol. I'm now sat here thinking about what I can have for breakfast as I'm using my HEX B for a bread cob as I'm having burger and chips later. Decisions, decisions....

My company didn't turn up yesterday and got no text or call from her...I hate it I think it is soooo rude not to let people know. So wondering if she turns up today...I'm not so bothered about being in all day today as I know I have to be in all day as I have 2 other people coming and my Tesco delivery coming this afternoon.

The rest of the day? I think more housework...I should have the cleanest house in the country the amount of work I do on it lol. I have to do some washing and I'm mad at the hubby I have been begging him to put me the washing line up he finally does and my daughter can reach it it's that low...so in this ridiculous heat I have to put the tumble dryer on...so not looking forward to that. My hubby should not be left to do anything by himself he needs constant supervision...like a child lol. I've also been begging him to weight the parasol stand so I can have it up in the garden as I am fair skinned it nearly took mine and the babies head off yesterday 3 times. I think I'm going to do it my way and weight it with sand even if I have to put it in 1 tsp at a time lol should be ready for next summer lol.

Well tomorrow is weigh in and I'm pretty much in the same boat as last week pretty certain I won't gain but not sure I will lose I know I said this last week and lost 5lbs but I think I may have pushed my luck now losing 9lbs in two weeks I have prepared myself for a small loss or a STS not going to pretend that's ok because it's not I would love 3-4lbs. 3lbs would get me to my 1.5 stone award and 4lbs would get me into my next weight bracket the 20's. I just have to hope I lose it within next 2 weeks if I do get a small loss or STS this week. I will be astonished if I lose my predicted loss of 3lbs. Bring on tomorrow and lets get it done with.

Guest didn't turn up yet again text to ask what happened she said she's ill...thanks for letting me know. Another person was meant to be coming round and she hasn't...what will her excuse be. And the 2 others haven't gotten back to me yet so it's unknown if they'll bother turning up either. Never mind I've spent the day in the garden with my baby we've been in the pool, played on the slide, tried to teach her to ride her bike no luck lol and we've chilled in conservatory/sauna and had a picnic...or she did don't know if it's weather or what but not hungry. Now I'm sitting indoors cooling down waiting for the Tesco man to call. What an exciting life I lead.

Tesco man came much easier to order and have it delivered...and guess what? No one turned up none of the people who said they were coming came...how rude is that?

Anyway just had tea SW burger and chips and now im going to go on the cross trainer and early to bed as im up early in the morning for weigh in.

I swear on my daughters life I have been 100% on plan and way under my syn allowance and I have been on the cross trainer 10-15 minutes a day and I've gained 1lb. I had prepared myself for a small loss or STS because I've had two big losses but a gain is different a gain means I've made a mistake somewhere and I hand on heart don't believe I have. Pissed off this week I just don't understand why I've gained there's no reason for it. Suppose this is just my first test back on SW but tbh I'm feeling defeated I'm feeling like I've done everything right and still gain so what's the point?

I guess this is why I made this diary to get it off my chest. I've rechecked my food diary and I've eaten plenty of fruit and veg and drank plenty and so forth, all food was prepared correctly so I am still positive it has nothing to do with my eating.

I've had a lot of positive comments from my weigh in group and they have suggested it may be something to do with hormones, water retention etc...and there is another person in the group in the same boat so I feel calmer knowing it's not just me. I couldn't comment about the hormones because my pattern is irregular so it is a possibility, I definitely know it isn't water retention...trust me.

I'm just wondering whether is it what I said yesterday that my body is rectifying itself after 2 big losses. Week one was first week back on plan so usually is a big loss and week two could have been to do with the start of my new exercise regime so it may just be my body has settled and I'll hopefully be back on track next week. I don't know I think I'm just trying to make sense of it in anyway I can. I have to look at the positive my goal is 2lb a week and in 3 weeks I've lost 8lbs so I'm still meeting my target and still on track to lose 14lbs by August 22nd.

My predicted loss for next week is 2lbs so 1lb for this weeks gain and another 1lb to boot.

If I have a gain next week I think I'm going to have to admit defeat and go to a group I really don't want to but I don't want to get in a rut that I don't think I can get out of either so better safe than sorry.

Not going to lie I feel crappy today I'm not bothered about the 1lb, that will come off again it's gaining and not knowing why and I just can't shake the words from my evil consultant 'If you've been on plan 100% you will lose weight' and SW online said exactly the same thing to me this morning when I put my weight in. It's making me question myself but I know I've done everything right if I'd ****ed up I would admit it so then the questions arise...Is what I'm doing the right way of doing it? But it has to be because I lost 9lbs in 2 weeks. The annoying thing is week 1 I had a ridiculously high syn rhubarb crumble and custard and week 2 I had ridiculously high syn bbq ribs this week I haven't had anything like that and I gain that's almost like SW/my body saying go on have a takeaway you lose weight when you have a takeaway...and in passed SW attempts I've actually had takeaways and lost weight. AARRRGGGGHHHH!!

Frustrated is not the word!

Ok after talking about it with my weigh in group we're in a state of confusion whether using your syns has an impact. Two people have told me they lose more when they use more syns and I worked out my syns since re-joining and here they are -

Week 1:
Loss: 4lbs

Week 2:
Loss: 5lbs

Week 3:
Gain: 1lb

Now I don't see a pattern. I lost 5lbs last week by using only 3.5 more syns so for the sake of not eating a portion of cheese for example I have missed out on losing another 5lbs? This makes no sense to me lol. So I have decided to do a little experiment and I am going to meet my 15 syns every day this week and see what effect if any it has on my weight loss next Friday. Amending my experiment I am also going to drink 3 litres of water a day I'm drinking about 2 at the moment so we'll see if that has an impact too. Going to put a footer on my diary for next week to remind me to use syns and drink water.

Ok so I'm having a break lol I've been sat all morning and into the afternoon working out all my meals for the next week to give myself variety and to use my syns in full etc and as stupid as it sounds as I'm just sat at the computer and the table...it's exhausting lol. I think I'm getting there though few more syns and stuff to work out.

In a better mood than this morning. This morning I was angry and sad now I'm just determined.

I completed my meal plan for the week and feel a bit better about things going into the new week. I continued with my day as normal, visited in laws, went shopping, came home cooked dinner, cross trainer and bed.

Ok so today not off to the best start kind of hoping the day picks up as it goes on.

My idiot brother in law was ringing us constantly from 1am onwards I finally told my hubby to answer it all the while knowing exactly what he wanted; a lift back from god knows where after a night on the lash. My husband refused; good boy lol and the ringing stopped. I asked my hubby why he didn't put his phone on silent and he said just in case something happens to my mum, who is very ill, and I then said ok understandable but you looked over at your phone saw it was your brother and ignored it for the next 40 minutes so what's the point in having it on to which I received a sleepy chuckle and back off to sleep he went.

Then my daughter thought 6am was the right time to get out of bed so I put the TV on and I went back to sleep while she watched cartoons. At 7am I decided it was time to get up seen as though I had to be at work at 8 lol so I got up straight on cross trainer, got myself ready, got the child ready, came downstairs and made myself breakfast, my daughter doesn't have breakfast at home at a weekend because she goes to my parents and has it with her grandad...why?...because grandads cereal is better apparently...same cereal we have but you know...kids!

I then went to work and it was one of those relaxed days which is great because it's too hot to do anything but the day drags when there's nothing to do so kind of a catch 22 there.

Anyway work came to an end and I got home tidied up from this morning as I was too busy to do it, usually my husband doesn't work at a weekend so I leave all the mess for him lol but he was working this weekend...damn him lol. I tidied the rest of the house for them lol...the visitors who didn't turn up the other day...one of them is supposed to be coming today and couldn't resist sending a snide message so sent her a text saying: Are you coming today or not? It's just I'm not going to sit in all day waiting for you like I did the other day when you couldn't be bothered to let me know you weren't coming round. No need for rudeness on her part not mine lol.

Then I called my cousin who is a TA so we only get to hang out during school holidays, to make plans and she kind of sunk my battleship lol...by saying yeah we'll go to Ed's Diner...this is the cousin who is on WW and has lost about 5 1/2 stone...I could have dropped to my knees and sobbed lol...I spent all day yesterday sorting my meals out and my syns and now she wants to go to Ed's Diner and in all honesty so do I lol...their milkshakes are worth being fat lol. Now I know how to get around the meal part because they do a nice chicken option which I've had before but those milkshakes I know I can't say no, if I was walking passed it wouldn't bother me but if I'm sat in the diner I know I will give into temptation so now I have to figure out the syns and figure out where I'm going cut back in order to have a guilt free Ed's diner milkshake.

Ok I've figured it out. I've worked out how to have Ed's Diner including a milkshake woohoo!! First well done Ed's diner for having a nutritional value menu took ages for me to work it all out but that just shows my determination for SW and my will to have an Ed's Diner milkshake lol.

BUT I will be sharing the Sweet potato fries with my daughter so 4.5 syns and I will be sharing the milkshake with her too so 15 syns. Which totals out to: 32.5 syns and I have cut my syns on other days so I can enjoy this meal on Wednesday. WOOHOO!!

Ok the day went on nothing much exciting then me and the hubby (more me than him) attempted to make SW KFC, it was delish we had chicken with corn on the cob, bbq beans and fries. We then watched 2 films all snug on the settee before we went to bed.

Regular start to the morning, I woke up, went on cross trainer, went to work, came home from work and went to the 'pump' for dinner lol sorry that's what my daughter calls the pub and it makes me giggle.

I had a roast dinner, no pudding and diet coke.

We then went to Asda for a nosey and I ended up buying yet more things for my daughters birthday party lol the shops have nothing left for me to buy for this party I have way more than I should and I decided I wasn't going to have loot bags because at previous parties I've either had too few or too many and its too stressful lol but I've bought all the stuff for them so now I think I'm going to end up buying/making loot bags.

We then went onto a shopping outlet because my child wanted a water gun by child I mean the hubby lol...and in man fashion he got a giant super soaker and my daughter got a small one so they've been in the garden for the last half hour playing with them yet I'm soaking wet lol go figure.

Now I'm writing this and going to go on cross trainer for a bit before I settle in for the night. I haven't used all my syns yet today but I don't feel hungry...I may do later but right now I don't want anything so if nothing changes I'll have to have some chocolate to get the syns up.

Drama, drama, drama...at 8 o'clock we got a phone call from my mother in law saying my brother in law had taken an overdose of tablets (worth mentioning my brother in law is an alcoholic and drug addict so nothing new) in an attempt to end his life. I assured my husband and said if he was going to kill himself he'd just do it people who tell you they've taken tablets are usually just attention seeking and in this case I believe my brother in law was trying to get attention so someone would contact his ex and mother of his child to make her feel guilty and allow him access to see his son...stupid boy doesn't realise this is only going to make her dig her heels in even further because when she stops you from seeing your child because of drink and drugs, getting drunk and high and 'trying to take your own life' by downing pills isn't going to make her go 'sure you can see our son now'. Moron!

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