So what, I'm supposed to propose and see what she says? You think even if she isn't cheating the relationship is doomed anyway because I waited too long. This morning I was going through her internet history and there were searching for things like "5 years no proposal". To me that says she still wants it, but is concerned it won't happen.

My family doesn't want to accept her, she knows it and I know it. That wasn't an automatic deal breaker. Many people marry someone their parents don't like. It shouldn't be an automatic disqualification, unless the parents have a good reason. Mine don't, at least not to me.

She was a bit unsure about my family disliking her because she wants a close family. They liked her before we got together. They like her as a person, not as my girlfriend or wife.

My family knows she was raped because we were both being treated for PTSD at the same hospital, at the same time. I was older than her and farther along than she was. I frequently talked to her and helped her, my parents met her there when they would go with me. My mom has also seen the brand mark that my GF has burned into her skin.

My family knows that I want to propose and stand by their decision not to support it. My GF is aware of that and she also knows it is holding me back. I don't want to completely walk away from my family and neither of us want the stress of dealing with unsupportive family. I have been trying to get my family on board with the decision.

When a MAN proposes to a woman, "he shall leave the family and cling to his wife". I think if you're really wanting to marry this girl, you should do so and let your family accept it or not. This is what men do.

My family knows that I want to propose and stand by their decision not to support it. My GF is aware of that and she also knows it is holding me back. I don't want to completely walk away from my family and neither of us want the stress of dealing with unsupportive family. I have been trying to get my family on board with the decision.

So your GF knows that her being raped, and your family's view of her because of this, is holding you back because you do not want to "walk away" from you family for her. That right there tells me that if she was my daughter I would strongly be telling her not to marry you, because at the end of the day you do not have her back.

At the end of the day, you are just not good marriage material. I wish her luck in finding someone else that will always be there for her without question. If this other guy turns out to be that person, good for her. Until then, I would advise her to break up with you ASAP as she needs to begin any new relationship without the baggage of cheating.

So what, I'm supposed to propose and see what she says? You think even if she isn't cheating the relationship is doomed anyway because I waited too long.

No, I don't think you should just propose. At this point, you'd be proposing to 'keep her'. This is not a good reason to propose. One of my friends did this and it did not end well. You should propose because you want to marry her and spend your life building a life with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ettienne

My family knows that I want to propose and stand by their decision not to support it. My GF is aware of that and she also knows it is holding me back. I don't want to completely walk away from my family and neither of us want the stress of dealing with unsupportive family. I have been trying to get my family on board with the decision.

And where has this got you? You aren't going to change their mind. Right or wrong, this is what they have decided. What you have to decide is what you are going to do about it. Are you going to walk away from someone you want to marry because your parents don't approve or are you going to stand by your woman and show them you think she's worth it? It doesn't sound like your parents will disown you (although I don't know) but your time is up. You don't have time to convince them anymore. The longer this goes on, the more you are showing your gf that your parents opinion means more than your life with her. She knows this is why you aren't proposing. Not only did this truly horrible thing happen to her, it's continuing to affect her life. Poor girl.

My girlfriend has been talking to another man lately and even though she says it's innocent there seems to be flirting going on. I asked her to stop talking to him and she said that was controlling and they were just friends, and if there was no trust in the relationship than we don't have a relationship. I've been watching what she says to him and she hasn't said anything that clearly points to cheating, but it is flirting. ie. him telling her how good she looks, smilies, talking about stupid things.

We had sex 3x last week and each time before I finished I pulled off the condom. I was behind her and we use a lot of lube so she didn't notice. If she did notice she didn't say anything. She isn't on birth control, we use condoms. It was f'ing stupid. In the moment I was thinking she won't go to another man if she's pregnant, another man won't want her if she's pregnant, and maybe my family will accept her if she is having their grandbaby. It was f'ing stupid though. I know people who have taken months of timing and planning to get pregnant so maybe it won't happen. If it does though I don't know. Condoms fail. Financially we're fine. I'll marry her. I can't tell her about it.

If she doesn't get pregnant I think our relationship has to end. Obviously we aren't healthy together. I feel like a psychotic woman who tries to trap a man. I don't want a kid, not like this.

I don't think I need counselling, I think I need out of this relationship (if she isn't pregnant). It's making me do stupid things. I know the choice I made was frickin' stupid. Pregnancy could solve our issues. She'd get an engagement/marriage which she wants.

My girlfriend has been talking to another man lately and even though she says it's innocent there seems to be flirting going on. I asked her to stop talking to him and she said that was controlling and they were just friends, and if there was no trust in the relationship than we don't have a relationship. I've been watching what she says to him and she hasn't said anything that clearly points to cheating, but it is flirting. ie. him telling her how good she looks, smilies, talking about stupid things.

We had sex 3x last week and each time before I finished I pulled off the condom. I was behind her and we use a lot of lube so she didn't notice. If she did notice she didn't say anything. She isn't on birth control, we use condoms. It was f'ing stupid. In the moment I was thinking she won't go to another man if she's pregnant, another man won't want her if she's pregnant, and maybe my family will accept her if she is having their grandbaby. It was f'ing stupid though. I know people who have taken months of timing and planning to get pregnant so maybe it won't happen. If it does though I don't know. Condoms fail. Financially we're fine. I'll marry her. I can't tell her about it.

If she doesn't get pregnant I think our relationship has to end. Obviously we aren't healthy together. I feel like a psychotic woman who tries to trap a man. I don't want a kid, not like this.

What a sad update.

I already told you once this relationship was long over.

In what reality do you think getting her pregnant will solve your problems? You need to let her go. It has become far too toxic.When you start pulling stunts like this you have lost any sense of actual care for someone you purport to love, and are moving toward wanting to own her for your own purposes.

In my earlier post I gave you advice based on what you told us originally but you have gone overboard with your actions.

Whichwayisup is correct. You DO need some kind of counseling. That kind of behavior is disturbing. Do you live in such a culturally stunted place that people would deem this as acceptable behavior? I doubt it. You have access to the Internet so you are not living in a cave.

Break it off with this woman and get some help. And do it for yourself. If you don't any future relationship you are in will literally stop at the same point.

I don't think I need counselling, I think I need out of this relationship (if she isn't pregnant). It's making me do stupid things. I know the choice I made was frickin' stupid. Pregnancy could solve our issues. She'd get an engagement/marriage which she wants.

I'm sorry, but that is a ridiculous and very selfish sentiment.

Bringing a baby into this mess is not going so to solve your issues, and it is incredibly foolish to pin that responsibility on a baby. Seriously, you need to give your head a long and hard shake.

Babies are not mean to be Band-Aids for failing relationships. They are not meant to be conceived against one's will. Given that she did not consent to unprotected sex, you have pulled the ultimate desperate and manipulative move. Add to that her history of being forced to do things against her will...your behaviour makes my stomach turn. That is not just stupid - it's plain wrong.

If you are such a bad mental place that would try to impregnate her without her knowledge, you need to be single. Your relationship has bitten the dust.

Sigh... SO you really think getting her pregnant will solve your problem? You should stop and think about it for a moment. If she is having an affair with someone, she may see a pregnancy as a end to the exciting and fun thing she is doing behind your back. She may decide to punish you by having an abortion - have you thought about that? And yeah, as a guy you wont have a leg to stand on if she decides to kill your child. But, at least it'll end your relationship...in a most sad and horrible way. Space Ritual was right, you know. You should have just walked away ... instead you have chosen to go for a ride on the Crazy Train...

I don't think I need counselling, I think I need out of this relationship (if she isn't pregnant). It's making me do stupid things. I know the choice I made was frickin' stupid. Pregnancy could solve our issues. She'd get an engagement/marriage which she wants.

So you won't marry her now but if she's pregnant you will? Do you realise how ridiculous that sounds? Do you not have a mind of your own? Do you need to be forced into the decisions you make? What you did is disgusting. You have violated her trust and her body. I hope for her sake she isn't pregnant. She should leave this toxic relationship now. What you did is essentially abuse. You have taken her decisions away from her without her knowledge. For someone with her history, it's even worse. This poor girl does not deserve all the cr*p life keeps throwing her.

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