Closure

segunda-feira, 10 de julho de 2017

I tried. I goddamn tried. I still try. Every single try. To be more, to do more, to show more strength. I know I have it in me. I bow my head, stare at the rocks under my feet arch my shoulders, but still something pulls my head high, makes me look up, straighten up. You can bow me, but you can't defeat me. The pain is here. It'll stay but I'm not dearly cursed as to let myself be defeated. I am strong. I have rage. I have will. I will overcome. Even if it takes all parts of me, I'll be able to look up and smile. I'll be happy again. I'll be able to rest again. The nightmares will stop and I'll live.

terça-feira, 27 de junho de 2017

I think it's time to start something new. Time to make fresh what came to be old. The bleeding is done, the wording takes form. Stop and breathe. Alcohol is here to stay, to dance and play, not to drain or lead me astray. It's no longer a poison running through my veins. It's no longer a fuel that ignites the vainly passionate in me. It's an absent friend and for such I have no time. Just keep passing by, I'll look up, to the sky, to the clouds, to the stars.Long enough have I lived in the past, given much power to those who left scars. Many times have I said that those were battle scars, remembrance that I've survived. But now I know, surviving isn't living. As long as I draw breath I'll keep searching a way to live again. I've contemplated such a life before, even if shortly, and I've known its taste. I was drenched in it, swallowed by it, like somehow drawn into the fantasy written in words in pages of a book. I've come to wake up in cold sweats again, remembering what it has been so that I may once again smile, so that I don't feel so lonely. Such is an occasional feature. Passes me by quickly. For now I see the colour of the skies and the grass, now I feel the cool wind and that makes me open my eyes, open my arms, guard my soul but live with it.I'm in pain. I've been in pain before, I remember the feeling. I don't know it's the same wound, if it close and is another scar or if it was just numb, but for some time I didn't feel it. It has came up. But, unlike the last time, I haven't used anaesthesia. This time I'm fighting it. Shutting my eyes and trying to sleep a peaceful night again, this time by myself. I'm lonely but I'm not dead. I've come to my senses and some temporary feeling won't keep me from smiling. One day it'll be natural.

We disturbed the skies. We corrupted the seas. We destroyed everything that meant anything to us. We built walls to protect ourselves from the raging seas, we hid the trees and plants, we let the world rot while finding a corner for ourselves. We protected nothing. The hills, the mountains, all that shaped the round earth, were left on the other side of the walls. All was grey there. Here all is green and brown. A reshaped society.

Fuck the Utopia. It's an outdated book. It didn't carry the weight of human responsibility in degrading Nature, in over using Its resources, in killing it. Back then men could travel the seas and explore new land. Wasted earth is all we left behind. I walk amongst them. These rotten, hypocritical people. I see their sly smiles, their ever observant eyes, their words full of lies. They have no life. Only a past. A guilty past that they cast away for they don't want to shoulder the weight of their ancestors mistakes. I walk past them. I climb the walls. Huge concrete walls that just barely touch the sky. I stand above them all. I take a step forward, ready to j-

terça-feira, 28 de fevereiro de 2017

Do you understand how lost we are, how lost we'll remain? Are you still faithful to your hope that life will come to straighten out in the end? Travel and get to know this world. In the end you'll see that I'm not so bad. Then get to work on the hope that it won't be too late - you see, wolves don't stay at the same spot for a long period of time.

quinta-feira, 12 de janeiro de 2017

Your smile brightens up a room,
It shines brighter than the sun,
They'll all see it soon,

You are the light of men.

Take the toll of your living
And forget your past misgivings,
For you, my beacon, are the reason I'm breathing
And ever day-dreaming.

So remember to smile,
Stay here and let me live for a while,
For many moons have passed and you are gone,
Many ghosts have haunted me to cut me to the bone,
On my many mistakes have I brooded upon,
But now I want to care only to smile
Just to imagine you'll stay for a while.

segunda-feira, 16 de maio de 2016

Only those who don't know Utopia write its name. It's land of the equal, the land of the same. Same colours, same rights, same laws. Personality it's a flaw, individuality is banished. You can break the law yet still walk "freely". But you cannot be happy. I've seen it with my eyes. Touched it with my hands. You can feel the shame of the slaves. The indifference of the free. Their wits, abundant, without doubt, are outclassed by their lack of humanity. In that cursed island only despair did I feel. Trapped in land surrounded by water with living dolls. Their eyes are empty, their smiles are hollow. They feel nothing. Only turmoil could conquer that land and make it human again. For it is human nature to crave and cause chaos. To disrupt Nature's order is our own nature. Utopia breaks that basic human instinct. Utopia is not a place of freedom, of perfection, of peace. Utopia is the very definition of human chaos. The standstill of human's evolution.

I dare say, as I slowly drift from the island, free of its torments, that it's a nightmarish sight to see such calculated civility. Meritocracy without doubt. But also the corruptibility of such a perfect life that it has forgotten the basic law of nature. The strong against the weak. Do the wolves not hunt the rabbits? Are the bears not wolves' natural foes? Do we all not turn to dust once we're dead? So quickly and feverish did they look to seek out and erase all that's unclear and evil in this world that they forgot where they came from and where we all end. For mortality is what defines us. We should embrace it. Live with it. But they spurn from this basic law of nature. Immortality is reserved to the trees and skies. Stones, however, can be broken for they are without soul. Stones can be thrown, utopians have done it so when shaping their walls. They are those stones. Without soul. Corrupted when trying to clean themselves of the shame of humanity. Corrupting still when paying their foes to fight their wars and wars of others, to die foolishly while they seat and feast with empty glasses and empty laughter. Maybe this is a hint of humanity. Maybe this is their ray of humanity. Slowly am drifting from their island as the sun shines from between the clouds and I do dare to hope. Hope one day I'm safe from the madness I here saw. Hope one day people will know the true Utopia, the empty and delusional Utopia.

domingo, 28 de fevereiro de 2016

The rain is idle from this starry night. The crumbled buildings gave way to shattered glass and dreamless slumbers. The sky above as dark as the ground beneath. Atop the hill one stares at the sky, seeking for answers, praying to some false man-made god. As my world died, so did my beliefs. So I grew in this withered, perilous world. Ashamed of my past, I ran. Ashamed still, I grew to be suspicious and to hate everyone and everything. If only I didn't miss what I barely remember. Sunny days under the cover of bliss. Surely something must've been wrong then. But they hid it. They never told me. I used to go to sleep to dream of the happy day that the morrow would bring. I knew no worries. But corrosive the loneliness was inside me. I never forgot it. I know it still. It's my best friend, never leaves my side. As I throw a smile away I remember that this is just another day. My mind has to end for my soul to fly again. The monumental fell. It will rise again next week. Further silence to be noticed. I dive myself deep within me, exploring deeper still, seeking some place to hide and stay until it's safe to live.