Subtitles Make Karl Lagerfeld Sound Like An Alien

I’ve been suspicious of subtitles ever since I saw a John Wayne movie with French subtitles in which John Wayne’s “gimme a shot of redeye” was translated as “un coupe, s’il vous plait!” So when I first saw this interview, I thought, oh, sloppy translations. Then I realized that this program was conducted in English, and this is just how Youtube’s closed captioning works. That said, I am almost entirely convinced that Karl Lagerfeld does speak in his own strange, beautiful language, that mere mortals are only just coming to understand. Let’s see how much of the following we can interpret: