The Haruki Murakami Drinking Game

I’m not even halfway through 1Q84, the latest novel by Haruki Murakami, but I think it’s already safe to say that it’s the Murakammiest Murakami novel to date. Not only because at 900-plus pages (that’s 50% thicker than the wonderful Wind-Up Bird Chronicle), 1Q84 is the longest Murakami novel yet. But also because it seems to contain every trademark of an author who utilizes an absurd amount of trademarks.

With that in mind, I’ve concocted The Haruki Murakami Drinking Game. Kanpai!

If a character has a beer, drink.

If a character has liquor, drink a shot.

If a character listens to jazz, take a hit of weed.

If a character listens to classical music, savor a sip of wine.

If a character listens to late ’60s/early ’70s rock & roll, drink and take a hit of weed.

If a character senses that he or she exists in a parallel universe, drink and drop half a tab of acid.

If a significant female character disappears without warning, drink and take 2 Vicodins.

If a character expresses existential angst using an ambiguous metaphor, drink and practice transcendental meditation for 20 minutes.

If a character becomes involved with an unorthodox but highly efficient metaphysical organization, drink and tell a semi-employed 30 year-old Japanese fellow that you can refurbish his soul with these weird powers you discovered you had when you were 16.

If a semi-employed 30 year-old Japanese fellow becomes friendly with an eccentric teenage girl, drink and describe a young woman’s breasts in a gratuitous yet tasteful manner.

If an older character describes a traumatic World War II-era experience, drink and thank fate you didn’t live in Japan during World War II.