Friday, August 14, 2009

A couple of my favorite shows are Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown. I felt it was good for me to watch these programs because I've always felt it important to be fair and equitable with people. I thought I might lack some of these skills in my upbringing.

One of the issues that seems to be repeated on these shows is whether something is a loan or a gift. Often on these shows people ... family, friends help others with gifts or loans of money, car payments, jail bail, etc, etc. and then there are the people that appear to live off of other people's generosity and expect this to be a gift.

That is exactly where things get complicated ... was this a loan or a gift? Somewhere along the way there was some miscommunication and it's up to the judge to figure out what it is. Sometimes it just isn't clear. So, how do people, especially the ones loaning out monies, etc. get themselves into these situations? What are they thinking? Are they just trying to be helpful or have they developed a strange relationship with this person ... similar to an enabler with an addict. Let's not forget control issues either.

And then, what's with the person who expects this to be a gift? Are they living off other people's generosity? Are they flat out lazy? Are they users?

As mentioned earlier, I felt my skills were lacking in this area. I've seen situations where what appears to be a gift turns out to be control on the part of the giver. "I gave you this and this and did this and this for you and you don't appreciate it ... well I'll show you." Manipulation via money.

I find in my life I've shyed away from gifts and helpful loans. I prefer taking care of myself.