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Wildly wondering about life

Growing Slow

I’m not sure what exactly happened but I just found out it is January 3, 2015. The last two weeks of December were the same as the rest of the year, a blur of crazy awesome with lows and highs wilder than my dreams. We took a quick trip to Arizona to see family for Christmas. After all of the travel to Boston, 3 days and an hour and a half flight were very manageable.

Once we were home I tried to look back over 2014. It was the year of “unless” for me. Living in the theory of unless led to the most epic year of my life, so far. Claire enjoyed her first baseball game on opening day at Fenway where we met strangers that were wildly generous and loving. We experienced what life could be like receiving some sort of treatment for Rett syndrome and that was mind-blowing to say the least. I started a little non-profit that with support from a few people did some very big things. Jared and I celebrated that we made it to our 15 year anniversary and are still crazy in love. I could go on and on. It was the year that I saw miracles happen in my life.

As anything that is truly “epic” goes, the year was also very difficult. I experienced loneliness and isolation in a new and very painful way. I felt fatigue that made it difficult to get through the days. I was mentally exhausted and unable to think coherently at times. There was the ongoing reality that even when things are really awesome our life is freaking hard.

It wasn’t an epic year because it was easy or fell into my lap. We muscled it, we chose adventure over fatigue and pushed when we were empty. At the end of it I can look back with no regrets and a sly grin crosses my face, I’m tired but damn it was awesome. It is scary to follow up that much awesome. Fear creeps in and says that surely something hugely bad must be about to happen, which it could, unless it doesn’t.

Either way, I’m cautious going forward into 2015. I have high hopes that many good things will happen and am keenly aware that there will be very difficult times as well. My goal for this year is to grow slow in all of it. There are many things I want to learn and do but most of all I want to do it slowly, to savor what I can in the chaos that is Rettland. Here’s to the adventure, wherever it takes us!