What is the Minimizing and Maximizing Dynamic?

Minimizor:

Is your partner someone who often hides behind the newspaper, television, a book, work on the computer–who clams up and won’t talk about issues or feelings and leaves arguments or discussions without closure or resolution–who is withholding, emotionally distant, and non affectionate at times? Does your partner often say “I don’t know”or “I just need some space and time” or “nothing is the matter” or “please stop talking this to death” and sometimes lies or is secretive about themselves.

-OR-

Maximizor:

Is your partner someone who is always bringing up issues and then talking on and on about them–who makes a big deal about seemingly unimportant issues–who gets angry and won’t let the subject go and or exaggerates or nags using “always” and “never” a lot–who seems needy at times–wants you to say “I love you” a lot and overwhelms you with questions like “Do you love me,” “What are you feeling,” and never gives you enough peace and quiet.

If any of this sounds familiar you are likely experiencing something called the minimizing-maximizing dynamic. Without intervention this type of polarization occurs and the marriage seems more like a war zone than a haven. In just one counseling session you can learn how to ease the stress of this.

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