Last week, I got to meet many of my video game heroes. They invited me over for dinner, but I wasn’t sure what they would serve, or if they eat at all. Let me recount what occurred.

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1. Mario and Princess Peach had me over for spaghetti and meatballs. The food smelled heavenly, the wine flowed like water in a river, and they were indeed interesting company as they shared stories of their many adventures.

In a dimly lit dinning room, we tucked into the main dish, as well as squid and fish that were both freshly caught from Mario’s games. After a while, I got the feeling Mario and Peach would recreate the famous spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp, and I tried to excuse myself. But then Toad, Mario’s annoying neighbour who can’t take a hint, appeared and would not stop yapping. Oh well, it was a good night overall.

2. Does Master Chief eat? That’s what I thought after I had accepted an invitation to dine with him at his palatial space mansion. Something about taking a giant space elevator into Earth’s atmosphere seemed strange, but I happily went on my way. Of course, I had to take a time machine several years into the future for this meal to be possible, but I’ll omit such boring details from this story.

As the elevator ascended higher and higher into the heavens, I mused about how Master Chief eats. Does he take off his helmet, or does he have a system inside the suit that feeds him? Then I laughed as I pictured him eating cream puffs or dainty finger foods. First of all, this kind of food doesn’t fit with Chief’s “tough guy” image as projected by Microsoft’s marketing. Second, he probably has to avoid such delicate food for fearing of smushing it with his iron grip.

Ding! The elevator had arrived at the top where the Chief had prepared a delicious meal. To my great surprise, I discovered he was a vegan. State secrecy laws prohibit me from discussing how Chief eats or what we ate, but the food sure was tasty!

3. I wasn’t sure Kirby could ever be “full”. That was my suspicion as I headed for his place. It turns out my suspicion was correct: Kirby devoured both his plate and mine before consuming the entire refrigerator! At first, I thought this overeating was okay because he was ensuring nothing went to waste. He somehow seemed thoughtful.

But my initial reaction turned to disgust as Kirby spat out whatever he had sucked into his mouth and then inhaled more. I don’t mind telling you that I was thoroughly upset, and I ran away before Kirby could eat me. Talk about terrible table manners! I guess you should never eat with some of your video game heroes.