I tell stories from life fragments -
arranging reality flat upon the page
until it shows signs of order.
Recently, the process has been here in this public space.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

hypochondriasol

cut to commercial

(chance meeting of two friends in line at grocery store. cut into ongoing conversation)

Friend 1: So, how have you been doing?Friend 2 Oh about the same, I guess.

(freeze and pull back from conversation)

off camera voice: Do you have average health?Are you concerned you might be sick even though you feel OK?You may be suffering from Average Health Syndrome.Average Health Syndrome is a condition with a specific set of symptoms that can be diagnosed by your doctor.Studies show that over 80% of people with prescription drug coverage suffer from untreated Average Health Syndrome.Now there might be help.

(cut to man in doctor suit)

Doctor: I am here to talk to you about a new medication. (hold up bottle) Hypochondriasol. In clinical studies, people with average health who took Hypochondriasol, and were asked if they felt better, were three times more likely to respond, "yes", or at least "I think so".(new camera angle)Hypochondriasol was designed by a person with average health, for a person with average health.(new camera angle)Only your doctor can determine if you have average health for your age, and if Hypochondriasol might be right for you.

(cut to very non-threatening view of children playing in a grassy park)

Really quick voice:Warning: Hypochondriasol is not for everyone. Hypochondriasol should not be taken by people who are really sick. This medication may cause headaches, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, bleeding from ears, or dry mouth. Discontinue this medication, and consult your doctor if you experience periods of elation lasting more than four hours, as this may be disruptive to future pharmaceutical ad campaigns, and also may be a symptom of a rare, but serious side effect which could cause your head to explode. Hypochondriasol should not be taken with other drugs that were developed before their corresponding illnesses were concocted.

(new scene of friends in line at grocery store)

Friend 1: So, how have you been doing?Friend 2 Oh about average..., actually..., maybe a little better than average.