Quarter Life Crisis Aspiration

Imagine this. You are driving on the road. It’s late at night, the only source of lights comes from dimmed street lights and ocassional vehicles that passes you. You have a destination in mind, you know that you want to get to that city before dawn. But. The thing is you have no idea how to get there. You don’t have a map, your phone is out of battery so you can’t access Google. You don’t even have a GPS built-in system in your old car. With every trurn that you take, you feel even more lost than before.

You question yourself, is this the right way? Is this road going to lead me to my destination? Am I even heading towards the right direction? You may panic a little in your head, your heart may race as adrenaline rushes through your system.

The question is, how are you going to get to your destination before dawn, when you don’t have the slightest idea on how to get there? Now, at this point of time, there is no return. The only way is to plunge forward into the unknown.

So what do you do? What can you do?

You evaluate your options. You calm your mind and weigh the available options in your head. Are these options feasible? Would you be able to achieve your target in time with these options?

I’m turning 25 tomorrow. Today, I’m sitting in a cafe evaluating my options. I’ve chosen not to follow societal norms because I’ve experienced first-hand how unmotivating and soul-sucking it can be when I worked for a 9-5 job that I do not feel passionate about. I have to admit that it is scary. In fact, it is absolutely terrifying to know that I’ll not be receiving a paycheck next month.

My emotional mind is scared to bits. But I’ll utilise this fear and manipulate it to drive me further into the unknown.

* * *

What have I achieved in the past year?

1. I made the decision to come back to Malaysia because I see no future in UK and because Malaysia is my home. The grass is greener where you water it.

2. I backpacked in Europe for a month. Priceless experience.

3. Embraced my nerdy side, I started learning a bunch of tech-related languages, like Ruby on Codecademy (still in progress), joined RailsGirlsKL, Java on FreeCodeCamp (still in progress).

4. Recently decided to leave my 9-5 job. Some may not consider this as an achievement, but hey, I decided that it is.

* * *

Before my 26th birthday, I want to have achieved these:

1. Acquire developer skills.

2. Commit my time to something that inspires and motivates me, something that pushes my learning curve as steep as possible.

3. Build or create something. Be it creative-related, tech-related or healthcare-related.

This is a promise to myself. No matter how dark it gets, or how much people around me tell me that it is a mistake to leave a secure job, I no longer want to work just for the sake of survival/paychecks. The biggest satisfation I can get is when I know that I have made a difference in someone else’s lives. This will be the guiding light to my destination.