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Monday, October 1, 2012

Marbles

In a crazy, unfathomable turn of events that takes the universe by surprise, Hayley begins to realize that working six hours a day while going to college full-time and while navigating through a personal crisis is difficult and tiring and makes people sit in their dark cars and eat Taco Bell through their sobs in a Leghorns parking lot. Taylor Swift was playing, too. It wasn't pretty.

I'm not here to complain-- I don't even feel bad at the moment-- but I am compelled to immortalize those parking-lot-Swift-binge feelings on the internet, so that I can find them amusing and charming someday when I have my life together. Is that how it works? I'm counting on all of 2012 melding into one quirky flashback that I can later recall fondly. Remember when we were young and depressed and bad at sorting laundry? Remember how my hair looked raggedy and I ate my feelings and I was unreasonably proud of myself every time I remembered to floss? Remember that Taco Bell incident?
It's not like I can't handle stress, and it's not like this is going to be the most stress I ever endure, but it feels kind of like all these Things that I need to Do are marbles, and they keep piling up on top of each other inside my brain, rolling around, clanking and clacking, making everything heavier. I'm generally good at keeping the marbles afloat-- the inside of my head is a pretty, organized fishbowl-- but anytime I trip, they all start tumbling around. The other night, when I taco'd myself into a wet-eyed stupor, they flat-out poured from my mouth. I lost my marbles. Lost 'em good.

543 comments:

This really struck a cord with me as I had a night extremely similar to yours a week or so ago. Wendy's in an empty lot in front of a laundromat. College, work, and the recent passing of my father have turned me into a frazzled, fast-food-eating, introspective mess. Optimism truly is key here. Looking forward to better days and I sincerely wish the same for you, Hayley!

I go for Wendy's instead of Taco Bell (I already have Crohn's disease, no need to make it worse), but I have had the same experience. Sometimes you just need to cry and eat really bad food and just get it all out. It's okay. You'll be okay.

Sometimes you just need to eat a plate of French fries in the corner of the dining hall, read The Great Gatsby, and think about how sad you are. It really sucks but at the very least it gives you a story to tell.

I have that same problem sometimes. I just try to remind myself that I'm in school for something I love to do, even if it's super difficult sometimes. Plus there's no shame in crying at Taco Bell. In fact, it's one of my favorite activities. And we all find our marbles in the end, just like that guy in Hook. ;)

If it helps, I am totally in awe of you being able to do all of that (even if you lose your marbles sometimes). All I've got to do is school, but I kind of let it billow and fill up all my time, so I feel like any break I take is procrastination, because there's always more to do. It kind of sucks. I don't know if it's even doing things that makes me so tired, but just the pressure of all the things that I need to do. So last night I cried and drank tea, then watched Parks and Rec, and did pretty much no work at all, but I do feel a little better now.

Anyway, thanks for this, and I hope you can gather up all your marbles soon. :)

I'm from Denmark and studying in the US for a semester. What is with your universities and homework and tests and papers all the time?! From morning till night I study, but I actually really love it.But, yeah, I can definitely understand why that in combination with work will tire you. May I add how together you seem in your videos. And it's impressive that you find the energy to make them.

You know that proverb? "'Tis hard to carry a full cup even." I'd never heard of it until just a few months ago & it describes that feeling PERFECTLY. Now I think about it whenever I get stressed; it makes everything a tiny bit better. Like, I might be spilling but at least I'm carrying a FULL CUP, goddammit.

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