Chapter 6:1 Finding My Way Home

Finding my way home to a mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially balanced life was not something that happened instantly. Many people still believe in a instant gratification even when it comes to making major changes in their lives. I am not saying that listening to those tapes “fixed” my life. I want to be sure that people understand that I’m not claiming there was any kind of “miracle pill.” What it did was open new doorways for me that I never realized were there before allowing me to take the steps I needed to take.

When I began listening to the tape series I was doing the exercises with complete focus and full of passion… for the first 6 days. Then one of the exercises called for me to get into some of my deepest limiting beliefs and core values. That is when the tapes went back into the box and sat in a corner.

It all happened very subtly. Have you ever been involved in a process of change where you were truly committed and when you got to a certain point in the process something happened that stopped you in your tracks? You may have felt some resistance and said to yourself with all honesty, “I really need to focus on this. Let me do it tonight when I get home because it is important, and I don’t want to be distracted.” And then that night, some “emergency” happens, and you tell yourself that you’ll do it tomorrow night. But then tomorrow night comes, and you had such a long day… you need some sleep… so you’ll do it… when? That’s right, tomorrow. And slowly it slips from its place of importance to something you have conveniently forgotten about. Do you know anyone that this has happened to? Maybe intimately?

Well that is what happened to me. Something that I realized later was a recurring pattern for me. I truly did want to make the change. But the fear of dealing with the issues I was facing was more powerful than my desire to change at that time.

So as the Universe always does, it came along to nudge me in the direction I needed to go. About a month after having forgotten about the exercise I was supposed to be working on, a pair of tickets to a one-day Anthony Robbins seminar just “showed up” in the mail. As I read the invitation, I remembered that when I was listening to the series that I had actually been making some major changes. So I figured that this would be a good way to get back in the swing of things. I decided to invite Katie who had introduced me to the Personal Power series as my guest and we set off for the one-day event.

As soon as we walked into the hotel I was ready to turn around and leave. Have you ever had a really bad experience, and something just triggers all of those feelings? What happened for me was that there was music blasting and a video on the screen of skydivers and skiers and other extreme athletes. Now under normal circumstances, that’s fine, but I automatically flashed back to when I was living in Baltimore. The company that I worked for there used these kinds of things to get us motivated in the morning to go out and sell. This was also the company that I worked with when I got arrested 5 times for drunken driving, so I had a bunch of negative associations to all the “rah rah” that was going on. My first instinct was that this was going to be a bunch of crap. I knew the whole “motivate and sell” approach, and I was not in the mood to be sold. I discussed my reservations with Katie, and she laughed them off and talked me into staying. We were there already she said, so why not have fun.

As the day progressed, we found that it wasn’t going to be Anthony Robbins speaking, but one of his partners, Bob Quintana. Even though it wasn’t Tony, I really found myself enjoying the information that was being shared. What I found was that they seemed to be taking the “best” of all the things I had studied in the past 8 years of sobriety and were teaching them as tools for change. It really was amazing to me. Because of the way the information was being presented, I was having brand new understandings of tools that I had used for years. As I listened I started to see how all the suggestions that were made to me over the years in regards to my recovery really worked from a “psychology” aspect. I was able to see how all the things I had read and used that actually got me sober and brought me to the place I was currently at operated at a much deeper level. I was getting a ton of positive reinforcement for what I was already using, and some new perceptions on how to apply these tools that had worked so well.

Then came the moment I had dreaded, the sales pitch. As we sat there Bob started going into his promotion for a weekend program that would cost around $1,000. The moment he went into this whole sales pitch, I closed down all receptiveness to everything that was going on. I had all these belief systems about how people played on the dreams and fears of people just to scam them out of money. As soon as he finished they took a 15-minute break so that the people who were interested could go sign up for the weekend program. Katie went straight to the back and disappeared in the crowd while I looked over my notes.

I started walking around the room while I was waiting for the seminar to start again, and as I did, I seemed to be swarmed by people who worked for Bob asking me why I wasn’t signing up for the program. Not only that, but for every response I gave them, they were using all these age old sales tactics as reasons to why I should attend. As I continued to tell them I wasn’t interested, the pressure increased to the point where they had Bob’s Vice President, Eric come over to talk to me. I’d had enough by this point and really wasn’t looking to hear any more sales pitches, when Eric surprised me.

All these other people were working hard trying to convince me to go. Eric asked me what I thought about it all. I told him that I didn’t think I was interested, and if for some reason I were interested, I would need to check with the clubs first to see if I could get the weekend off. There was no way I could sign up at that moment. Eric’s response was no pressure; just if I was interested, give him a call.

The more I thought about it, the less interested I became. If I were to go to this seminar that would mean not only investing $1,000 in the weekend, but also losing $1,000 in income for the three days that I didn’t work.

When Katie returned, she had already signed up and was enthusiastically showing me all the “bonuses” she received. She was like a little kid, her enthusiasm got me out of the defensive mode and we returned to our seats to finish the day. Later that night, I drove her back to her house and we talked about my reservations about going while she jokingly edged me on.

I was driving home after dropping her off and found myself thinking about all I had experienced that day. I couldn’t deny that all the things that they talked about made sense. These were things I knew, they were tools I had studied, but that I wasn’t applying. I had to ask myself, “Where will I be next year at this time? If I continue to do the things that I’m doing, where will I be in regards to my goals? Am I willing to risk not going to the seminars if they could truly help me get the skills I need to achieve my dreams?” And even more, “Can I really risk not going on and learning more that could help me grow?” I had just started this journey and inside, I knew that this was where I needed to be. I pulled over, called the head DJ for the club on my cell phone and got the approval to take the weekend off. The journey truly had begun to finding my way home.