Flyin’… Across the Ocean

Let’s face it. Things have been pretty disturbing of late. There was the awfulness of the Columbia horror. We have been on the precipice of war for some time now, and it seems as though each day brings us millimeters closer to the free fall. Some of us have been wondering about Townshend’s ISP, and whether he’s been flung from the system at a velocity faster than a windmill move. Phil Spector has signed on part of the O.J. defense team. Things are disturbing. But there is a ray of, er, hope. Thanks to Courtney Love.

Yes, Courtney, who appeared to have sold out to the glamour of Hollywood. It seemed as though all we’d get from her would be some silly post-Oscar antics. But no, she’s still rocking. Or, as Paul Moore, director of corporate affairs for Virgin Atlantic, is quoted as saying, “She was verbally abusive toward our cabin crew and disruptive.” Now we’re talking. Arrested. OK. There she was on a flight from LA to London. A trip that takes approximately, oh, eight or nine light years. She was on her way to a benefit concert with Sir Elton John and Kevin Spacey, a man who really ought not sing Beatle tunes anywhere outside the confines of his shower and even then if there is no one within shouting range. Undoubtedly, something like that really puts a lot of pressure on a person. Especially if all of the movies on the personal entertainment system suck.

Another unidentified person in the AP report of Love’s arrest (stop, in the name of Love) noted that she was “being generally disruptive, using abusive language and refusing to sit down and put her belt on.” Girl’s gotta be free. And what do you expect from a celebrity? Simple in-seat participation in those stretching/exercise videos that are typically shown on long-haul flights? While there is no report on what fare basis she was traveling on, chances are it was at least Virgin Upper Class. As is well known by people who don’t have the opportunity to fly anything other than steerage (a.k.a., in virtually any part of a plane that’s not separated by a simple piece of dangling cloth that somehow radiates the power of one of those force fields on Star Trek: Next Generation), there are free beverages distributed in those parts of the airplane. Which is not to imply that Love started shot gunning cans of O’Doul’s or whatnot. Odds are just as good that her entertainment system was locked on Dana Carvey’s Master of Disguise. And who’d want to sit through that?

Nowadays, traveling by air is analogous to time spent in the chair of an endodonist, but not quite as comfortable. What’s puzzling is why the other 200 passengers didn’t pull a Richard Reeves maneuver on Love.

17 thoughts on “Flyin’… Across the Ocean”

I gotta laugh at this one, you’re right. Apparently, according to Ms. Love herself, she cussed out the flight attendant for not letting a friend into First Class. She apologized to Richard Branson personally, and that’s that.

What cracks me up are all the quotes after the fact. Here’s a collection of stuff I’ve found:

As Love left Heathrow police station last night she explained what had happened onboard, saying: “I cussed at a lady – my daughter always said I had a potty mouth. “I cussed at a lady named Mary, she wasn’t letting my friend into first class and I said, ‘Why are you being such a bitch about it?’.”

Love said she had received a warning for swearing at a member of the aircrew. Asked how she felt about her treatment at the hands of the airline, she said: “I think that I have been flying British Airways for a long time and I will continue to do so.

“This is my second time on Virgin and my first time wasn’t so great either.”

Despite her barbs,Virgin Atlantic insist they would welcome the star back on any of their flights.

[in unison, everybody] HUH??!?!? I consider myself a reasonably astute person, usually able to detect relevance in the most obscure and obliquely philosophical statements to the conversation at hand, but I must admit that your statement has me THOROUGHLY confused. Please, shed some light on what you mean by that in regards to Courtney Love and/or the comments I made. Obscurity just for its own sake is a cheap trick and a transparent one at that.

And yes, I wear the sobriquet “music boy” proudly.

“If they had a King of Fools then I could wear that crown

And you can all die laughing because I’ll wear it proudly.” — D.P.A. MacManus, LHC

Ah. My bad. Thanks Derek. [I feel like David St. Hubbins after explaining why Tap’s album cover was sexist and the other guy’s wasn’t].

Rock ‘n Roll needs the Courtney Loves and Liam Gallaghers of the world to save us from the tedium and boredom of your well-behaved Justin Timberlakes. I’m still expecting to read someday that Christina Aguilera gets caught in a compromising position in the washroom of a 747 over the Pacific Ocean. Mark my words; it will happen.

C. Love gets a lot of bad press. I don’t think she’s the talentless harpy she’s portrayed as. I played Live Through This the other night and it rocked (mostly). Violet is a beautiful and powerful rock song. Calling a flight attendant a bitch doesn’t seem like the most over-the-top behavior, and needing a psychiatric nurse — Wayne Gretzky always flew with one, he was scared to death of flying. I don’t know, I just think she’s vilified beyond anything reasonable.

Although this is a while since the Comment above that I’m referencing (not a light year–perhaps an Internet year), as is well known by one and all, as one approaches the speed of light (299,792,458 m/s), as Sab implies in his rejoinder, time slows down enormously for things that aren’t light. Consequently, the distance between LA and London with Love on board is undoubtedly a temporal measure that would require Hawking to calculate.