Carl’s Jr. wants to cockblock you

Watching TV last night, I suffered through a lap band commercial. It made me feel incredibly guilty, because at the time I had a glass of wine in one hand and a spoonful of tiramisu cheesecake in the other.

That changed, however, when the commercial was immediately followed up by a Carl’s Jr. commercial – that proposed eating their oversized burgers three times a day punctuated with burrito snacks in between meals. This commercial advocated such an obscene consumption of low-grade red meat that I almost threw up my cheesecake.

Disclaimer: I actually really enjoy fast food. However, as a woman, Carl’s Jr. has long since abandoned my demographic and thus infrequently receives my money.

Alienating women is a casualty of their marketing strategy which is to appeal exclusively to dudes.

Another casualty: my sex drive.

Calling out dudes and thus implying that all dudes eat all this gross food in such a short period of time as a single day makes me never want to talk to another dude, let alone sleep with one. In fact, I was more turned off by this than I was by the images of mid-section rolls of the lap band commercial.

If my boyfriend told me we were going out to dinner and took me to Carl’s Jr. (like that other commercial), he probably couldn’t count on getting it on later. But that’s just one dude and one incident. And he wouldn’t be cut off because of the destination, but because the proposition of going out to a steak dinner was misleading.

Their latest advertising abomination, on the other hand, has (almost) made me swear off half the population for always. Whether or not they eat 5 fast food meals a day.

So to dudes who aren’t getting laid: complain to Carl’s Jr. Your dry spell is because you treat your girlfriend like crap while you sit around and get fat. Congratulations.