Happy April, everyone! Is it just me, or does it feel like this year is zipping by? I can’t believe we’re already four months in 2017. That’s 95 days (I searched this up. I’m not mathematically inclined, although I do know people who are)! Anyways, the first week of April is my last week of school, so I have some weird feelings about this month. Good feelings, mind you, but also some negative feelings. “What would those be, Keith? I thought graduation time is happy times,” you ask with inquisitive thoughts.

Well, I’m currently looking for a new full-time job as the job that I currently have right now is – how can I say it – not entirely what I am looking for in a career. I like the environment. I like the people. I like the organization. However, I find myself looking out the huge window at my temporary desk (it’s legitimately a huge window overseeing the road, and yes, I do not currently have a desk as the one I am using is only a temporary location) hoping and praying that there’s something better for me. Maybe yesterday will attribute to it, but I don’t know.

I had a job interview yesterday. It was for a mobile video game company (one of my dreams is to work at a video game company), and I thought I did okay in my interview. In terms of a letter grade, I thought I did a B. The people who interviewed me were all great people, and they were nice and accommodating. I didn’t feel awkward at all. I feel like I messed up some questions, but overall I think I did well, and they told me that they’ll let me know in the next two weeks.

However, I thought I didn’t do well enough to land the position, so I decided to do something that I have never done before (and I mean, never done before): send a Thank You email for the interview. So I sent one this morning, and now I keep checking my email to see if it would help with my application. But I feel terrible.

I feel terrible because I’m now worried and anxious about this position.

I find myself going through the motions of making a new tab on Chrome, signing in to my email, not seeing anything and immediately signing out, exiting from the tab and doing some of my work, then doing the same thing all over again. Isn’t insanity doing the same thing over and over again? But I can’t help it. I can’t help but worry about this job because I feel like it’s my way out of my current workplace. I know that I should be blessed with having a position in the first place and that I should be focusing on God more, but my worries just seem to take over when I’m working, and I can’t do anything.

I just want to know!

Yet, through all of this, I find myself looking back and thinking about what God said to the sons of Korah in Psalms 46:10 (ESV):

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

I keep worrying, and God is telling me to be still. He’s telling me that He’s got it. He’s telling me that He has me in the palm of His hands. He’s taking care of me. He has me in His mind, and that He is paving my path for me. He was there for me, He is here now, and He is already where He wants me to go. God’s got it all, and all I have to do is wait on Him.

All I have to do is be still and know that He is God.

“Be still, and know that I am God.I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth!”
– Psalms 46:10 ESV

TL;DR – Keith has mixed feelings about April. Keith looking for full-time job and got interview yesterday (yay!). Keith sent Thank You email back, and now Keith is worried about job. Keith doing same thing over and over again. God reminds Keith to be still and wait on Him. Keith, remember Psalms 46:10 ESV.

I’m thinking about making this a regular thing. I think it would be great to be consistent on something that I would love to do long-term, and I might actually be good with blogging…I think. English is not my first language, so I might fumble my words here and there. There are so many things I would love to do, and, because my major is in IT and I love what the Internet has been doing for the past few years, I think that blogging and podcasting may be in the works for my future. You might wonder, “How did you think of this incredible idea?” Well, let me tell you…

For the past few weeks, I have been watching a famous content-creating company on YouTube, and, I have to say, they do it extremely well (well, obviously, Keith, they’ve been around for 14 years. Duh). I don’t know why I’ve only caught up with them now when they’ve been around since 2003, but I started watching a bunch of their shows, and I’m hooked. And I mean hooked.

I’ve been watching their content non-stop to the point where I’m procrastinating on a whole bunch of school work (welp). I know, I know. I’s a bad idea. But to be fair, I am learning…somewhat. I’m learning how they create such amazing content and how they market this content (they do swear a lot, but I’m okay with it. To each their own). It has also taught me that maybe there’s a way for me to do this in the near future, as I’m finishing school.

This is my last semester, I’m graduating soon, and my convocation is in May of this year. This has made me think about what to do afterwards, and, I’m not going to lie, it’s a bit worrying. All I’ve ever done the past four years is go to school, work, do family things, and volunteer at church. Now that I’m graduating, a lot of my time will be free to do the other three priorities of my life, but I’ll need a hobby. So lately, I’ve been thinking about maybe starting something I’ve never done before: podcasting.

Maybe God has been speaking to me about watching these videos (He speaks in mysterious ways!), and maybe He’s been wanting me to do something for Him that’s different than what other people have done. Maybe this is His way of stepping out of the boat and walking on water (Peter, how did you do it?). Maybe it’s a plan of mine that I want God to be a part of (if this is the case, I don’t want to do it because it’s my plan and not God’s plan). But I would love to just try it, and I want my topic to be about casual talks of God in relation to life, or somewhere in that vein. It’s an idea I would love to roll with.

Anyways, I’ve rambled on (as I do every time). I’m scared about graduation and what I’m doing afterwards, but I’m sure God has it handled, and maybe this might a step in the right direction. Who knows? Only God does, that’s for sure.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
– Matthew 6:34 ESV

TL;DR – Keith been watching too much YouTube. Keith wants to know what to do after graduation. Keith wants to do podcasting and blogging for future after graduation. Maybe God’s idea, maybe Keith’s idea. Keith thinks it does not hurt to try. Keith, remember Matthew 6:34 ESV.

It has been a while since I’ve done anything to this website. I’ve been very busy, and, to be honest, I’ve been really lazy too, which definitely sucks. I am on my last semester before I graduate, and my motivation is at an all-time low. This gets worse when I browse through social media, like Facebook.

I was on break today for work, and I started browsing through Facebook. I saw a sponsored ad for a podcast that people from my old program (musical theatre) are doing, and they had one of my former cohort/classmate on the podcast. So I read the details, and it was a great description of my classmate. She has always been serious about musical theatre, and she was, in my opinion, one of the most disciplined and technical students in my class.

Being on Facebook, I decided to check on how she is. So – oh, why did I do this? – I clicked on her name and started browsing through her Facebook page. She holds a position in a famous tea place (good for her), she teaches at a musical theatre kids’ program (where she used to perform), and she also does musicals on the side with a famous musical theatre non-profit society that holds performances in the summer.

These details made me feel terrible.

I was in the same cohort with her on 2010 and was bound to graduate from the program at 2013. If I stayed on the program, I would have been doing similar things that she is doing right now and having a great time performing on musicals or teaching musical theatre classes. I would have had four years of experience, and I would have been able to do things differently than the life I’m having right now. I would have been leading a different life. I would have been living a dream life. My life would be better now.

Then, a phrase appeared in my mind (Holy Spirit, please):

Why are you comparing yourself with someone else?

Uh…Hmm…True, but…Uhh…Yeah.

I didn’t really know what to say. It’s true. Why am I comparing myself with someone else? Maybe because I grew up always thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. But the thing is, everyone’s journeys are different from everybody else, including mine. Everyone has their own journey to go through. Everyone is different, including me.

Matthew 6:33 (ESV) says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” If I seek God first, I know that everything will come in its own proper time. All I have to do is wait on Him and be still.

I hope this encourages you in some way. God bless you all, and have a great day!