I have been seeing a new T since September to get ready for EMDR. He's a probably-gay (*not that there's anything wrong with that*) LMFT with a PhD from a local mainline protestant seminary. He's been doing EMDR for about a year, but just received his training for EMDR for dissociative clients.

I took the dissociative questionnaire for him, which felt really exhausting to do, even though it was only about 30 questions. After consulting with his EMDR guru, he told me he didn't feel ready to do EMDR with me.

What was the red flag? Answering yes to the question, (paraphrase:) "Have you ever met a stranger who claims to know you?" (specifically, sex partners. This has happened at least once. "Don't you remember me?" <<chills>>).

He has referred me to another local EMDR person who has done a year-long training course in EMDR for full-blown DID clients.

A temporary set-back, perhaps... but only because my new T finally understands what it is he's dealing with when it comes to me.

My T is going to accompany me to the new EMDR T and follow my therapy as a case study. I've given him permission to share my case with the new EMDR person.

It was a situation where a person knew me as me, and I had *no clue* who <that person> was. None. It might have happened more than once, but it certainly happened that time.

Anyway, what it means in terms of EMDR is that dissociative clients of EMDR can have extreme responses to the eye movement stuff, up to and including suicidal crisis. So the fact that the questionnaire pegged a symptom that could be a red flag, I got put in the handle-with-care file.

I have had dissociative disorder (DIDNOS) and depersonalization. EMDR has been really good for me. Some sessions at first got me into touch with some very hot abusive stuff. I couldn't go back to work for several hours. I had to walk it off in the mall or in the park. Then it took me a couple of days to come into a level flight path. BUT my EMDR last session a little over a year ago got in way over my head. We jumped into the matter of TERROR on about the last or next to last day of my captivity. It was so bad that I dissociated. Now I have to find a new EMDR specialist. I think it may be kind of like having dental work done without anesthesia. I think that an agreement needs to be worked out that when the pain level reaches a certain extent that there would be some simple sign like raising a hand that would signal too much pain.

I think that an agreement needs to be worked out that when the pain level reaches a certain extent that there would be some simple sign like raising a hand that would signal too much pain.

I absolutely agree - having a "safe" signal is very important. I have one for my T. It makes me feel much safer to know that I can stop it any time I want...

can't - I'm sorry you have to experience this temporary set-back, but I think your T should be applauded for recognising that he is in over his head, and for deciding to get help rather than screw it up for you.

_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to sayIs whose life is it anyway because livin'Living is the best revengeYou can play-- Def Leppard

When I get triggered, sometimes I go into a state where I lose motor control of my body -- which means that if things got really bad for me, I might not be able to raise my hand as a "safe" signal.

Gecko, you're right that it's good that my T took a step back. I didn't want to be his guinea pig, but didn't want to leave the "nest" of trust that he and I have established, either.

So this way, I get to keep building on the trust relationship I've built with my T, as he follows my EMDR as a case study for his own professional development. We might video record the sessions as well.

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