Say Less to Notice More

I still remember many details of a particular meeting that I had when I was vice president of resort marketing for Hyatt Hotels & Resorts, even though it happened about 20 years ago. By most measures, this meeting was unimportant and should not have earned a place in my long-term memory, but its remarkable one-sidedness made a lasting impression on me.

I agreed to this meeting because the person who requested it had an intriguing marketing idea and came highly recommended by a colleague. I greeted him in the lobby, and as I led him back to my office he began talking, telling me about his idea and how he had developed it. He was passionate about his idea and was clearly very excited to be talking about it. As we sat down in my office, he kept talking and, without missing a beat, opened his briefcase to pull out a bound presentation book that described his company, his product and his novel idea. He started walking me through his presentation when it dawned on me that I hadn’t spoken one word since we first said hello in the lobby.

As he continued, I noted that his idea was very interesting, but it was clear that he didn’t understand my business or the issues that I faced. He was telling me how he could help Hyatt Resorts, but he didn’t know what Hyatt Resorts needed from him. He could have easily adapted his recommendations to our needs, but since he wasn’t asking me any questions, he had no way to learn anything about our business.

After about 25 minutes of non-stop talking, he finished, asking, “So, what do you think?”

“Well, I’ll have to think about it. Why don’t you leave your materials, and I’ll show them to my team and we’ll get back to you.”

He looked disappointed. “Did I miss anything important?”

“I’m not sure,” I answered. “Let me think about it.”

Here’s what I could have said (but didn’t): “The only thing you missed is the target. If you walk into a dark room and throw a dart without turning on the lights, it’s a one-in-a-million chance you’ll hit a bulls-eye. That is essentially what you did in this meeting.”

With only a little bit of information from me, he could have adjusted his story and made it more relevant for Hyatt Resorts. But he wasn’t interested in getting information from me, only in giving information to me. He missed the target and he missed the chance to connect with my business and with me. My reaction was, “I’ll have to think about it” and “We’ll get back to you,” because his monologue didn’t show me how he could help me. Essentially, he made me do the work of connecting his offering to my business needs.

If he had said less, not only would he have learned more about how to sell to me, I would also have enjoyed the conversation more. In their book, Be Quiet, Be Heard, Peter and Susan Glaser write that people who speak more than 51 percent of the time during a conversation tend to be more satisfied with the conversation. You can notice this principle in your personal life: Watch people on the receiving end of a monologue. How many of them are enjoying themselves?

Every moment you are talking during a persuasive conversation is a moment you are not listening to your customer. You are listening to yourself. Instead, say less, use your own words sparingly, returning to “listening mode” as quickly as possible. Give yourself the chance to be alert and notice cues that can drive your reactions. When you do this, you will not only notice more, but, as Peter and Susan Glaser teach us, your customer will be more likely to enjoy the conversation.

Customers don’t always tell you exactly what they are thinking. Sometimes they don’t want to share everything; sometimes they aren’t even aware of everything they are thinking and feeling. It’s up to you to listen for and notice the unspoken meaning. When you say less in a conversation, you will be more alert and will be able to detect hidden layers of meaning that lie beneath the words. You may notice a customer’s hesitation as he tells you about something, which might indicate that he is especially concerned about a certain issue. He may subtly allude to a problem he is having. He might start talking a bit faster, telling you he is particularly interested in the current subject of the conversation.

But you won’t notice all these hidden cues if you are more focused on telling your customer about you than you are on listening to them. Say less to notice more and you will be able to develop more effective and enjoyable persuasive conversations.

Steve put together a program that produced spectacular results, and the quality of our communication and customer satisfaction is vastly improved. I’ve been in business for 40 years, and Steve’s the first consultant that I’ve gotten my money’s worth from. We’re going to continue to work with Steve and the bright, energetic people that are on his team.

Jim Winter

COO, Dimension Design

Yastrow and Company introduced Brand Harmony and their Be the Brand concept to our team at Jenny Craig. I believe these new ideas contributed in helping us triple the company's revenue during my years as CEO.

Jim Evans

former President and CEO, Jenny Craig

In these high pressure times of bite-size communications we all hunger to be listened to and cared for individually. Our customers know great hospitality, the kind that is not about selling but treating their needs as our highest priority. Steve Yastrow’s teachings are applicable to any business that values long-standing success based on personal relationships.

Alex von Bidder

Managing Partner, The Four Seasons Restaurant, New York

Steve Yastrow is at the forefront of the next evolution in marketing. We have implemented many of his innovative ideas... and have seen very positive results.

Mike Depatie

CEO, Kimpton Hotels and Restaurants

Our work with Yastrow and Company yielded the best long-term value of any consulting engagement we’ve ever had. As we grow and expand internationally, Acuative continues to depend on the branding approach and marketing tools Steve and his team developed. Yastrow and Company genuinely partnered with us, were exceptionally responsive and remain committed to our success.

Jennifer Whelan

Vice President of Marketing, Acuative

Steve Yastrow has clearly described the emotional reality of customer relationships and their impact on profitable business growth.

Rhoda Olsen

President, Great Clips for Hair

When Steve Yastrow writes, I pay close attention.

Tom Peters

Founder, Tom Peters Company

We are absolutely better off after engaging Yastrow and Company. They helped us look at our business from our clients’ perspective, resulting in a cultural shift throughout our organization. These changes have made a big impact - we’ve gained new clients and strengthened relationships with existing clients. The investment was well worth it.

Marc Allen

Vice President of Sales, AMD Industries

Rancho La Puerta has enjoyed continued success because of the work we did with Yastrow and Company. Together, we implemented business strategies that have contributed to our success. Steve and his team truly believe in our brand, and our experience with them was empowering, fun and a great learning opportunity. I highly recommend Yastrow and Company to any business that needs help building the bottom line

Roma Maxwell

Roma Maxwell, Director of Sales and Marketing, Rancho La Puerta

I give Steve two thumbs up—five thumbs up, if I had that many!

Roma Maxwell

Roma Maxwell, Director of Sales and Marketing, Rancho La Puerta

I highly recommend Yastrow and Company to any business that is intent on enhancing their customer experience. Prior to working with Steve, we were communicating various messages to customers. Steve and his team helped us achieve a cohesive brand message that we as a company live daily. Steve is an incredible listener and learned the nuances of our business rapidly. I can’t imagine anyone Yastrow and Company couldn’t help.

David Sank

President and CEO, Calico Cottage

Ditch the Pitch is a great read-- interesting, fun, and easy to follow. And I’ve already seen the concepts work. Just yesterday, I called a client and had a conversation that was 95% about the client, as the book suggests. At the end of the call, he sent a new matter my way. I ditched the pitch and it resulted in new business.

Attorney

Chicago, IL

Steve is a creative and collaborative speaker who communicates his ideas clearly and concisely. He immediately understood our business needs and provided a better perspective on how our customers see us as a company. I have referred Steve to our customers in the past and I will continue to do so. He’s intuitive and has a unique way of looking at business. Steve has the experience to turn a project into something extremely valuable for any organization. I strongly recommend working with Yastrow and Company.

Chris Tucker

Director of Business Development, MBX Systems

Steve’s approach to integrating all customer contacts into a comprehensive marketing message is a must in today’s information age. We have partnered with Steve to develop our integrated and comprehensive marketing message, and as a result of his excellent work, his new book is required reading for all of our employees.

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Chairman & CEO, Horizon Bancorp

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Ernst & Young, Chicago, IL

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Chris Miller

Executive Director, Professional Systems Network International

We have seen huge benefits from Steve's input. Steve is unlike any other consultant I've ever worked with. He takes a genuine, deep-seated interest in our business. He is intuitive and able to identify problem issues quickly. We wouldn't be as far along in acheiving of our long-term growth strategy if we hadn't actively and aggressively pursued Steve's Brand Harmony.

Michael MacDonald

Executive VP Sales and Marketing, American Licorice Co.

Rancho La Puerta has enjoyed continued success because of the work we did with Yastrow and Company. Together, we implemented business strategies that have contributed to our success. Steve and his team truly believe in our brand. I highly recommend Yastrow and Company to any business that needs help building the bottom line.

Roma Maxwell

Director of Sales and Marketing, Rancho La Puerta

Steve Yastrow's teachings are applicable to any business that values long-standing success based on personal relationships.

Alex von Bidder

Managing Partner, The Four Seasons Restaurant, New York

In one morning, Steve re-energized the way we look at marketing. The only question we had at the end of the session was, ‘When can we get him back?'

Doug Ducey

CEO & Chairman, Cold Stone Creamery, Governor of Arizona

Steve Yastrow knows his stuff. That's why our management team has read all of his books. And that's why we've had him as a keynote speaker at both client and employee events. From creating brand alignment, to selling more effectively, to providing top-notch customer service, Steve offers words of wisdom based on real-life experiences. He always engages his audiences with questions, interactive exercises and great storytelling that keep you coming back for more. Read Steve's books. Then book Steve. You'll be glad you did.

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CEO, Core Creative

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