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Kiwi pooches turn into ROACH MUNCHING DOPE FIENDS

Red-eye, munchies, freezing to death

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New Zealanders are being warned against letting the family dog at leftover whacky-baccy, with vets reporting a rash of hash-whacked pooches copping hypothermia and needing drip-treatment to survive.

Outlet Stuff.co.nz is reporting that vets in the Kiwi city of Hamilton are fretting at the number of dogs arriving for treatment after eating either leftover roaches (the butts of joints) or dope-cake.

In one case, according to a report, the pot-pilfering pooch was a Chihuahua; its small size, coupled with the cold of winter and the blood vessel dilation caused by the cannabis meant it was both frightened and near-death from cold when it arrived at the vet.

Stuff also turned up a case of “mum’s arriving soon” in which the whacky cake was thrown to the chickens and raided by a terrier which later needed treatment (the fate of the chooks is not recorded, but El Reg expects their eggs fetch a handy premium at the farm gate).

In further bad news for anyone wanting to test out their store of marijuana on the family pet: chocolate is extremely bad for dogs – so the common coping mechanism of a dose of munchies and a couple of hundred Mars bars will probably land Fido in the cemetery rather than the vet.

The publication also provides this handy list of “how to tell if your hound is high”: look for red eyes (caused by vascular dilation), poor motor function, an irregular heartbeat, and poor temperature regulation. ®