It's an ongoing quest.

November 14, 2016November 14, 2016

11/14/16

Dear Journal,

How are you feeling? As for me, I’m fine. I feel really great, today, actually. I feel unusually great. I think it’s because of the ginseng that I have been taking. I wouldn’t be surprised if it is. The shit is expensive. But it had so many great reviews that I just had to try it out. I’m only on my second day. I’m not sure if it is taking effect so fast. But I was extremely happy, today, and I seemed to be more appreciative of my coworkers. I got along with them and I tolerated them a lot better.

I’ve been thinking of relationships and my models. I’m starting to think of a muse I had or maybe still have. She is in another country, right now. She always calls me when she makes it here. Anyways, I’m starting to wonder if she actually likes me a lot. The last time I saw her, she was driving. We were in her van, and she asked me if she could take a shower at my place. I said, yes, but I did not press on. She ended up driving to another friend’s house. She complained to me about not being able to shower. I asked her why didn’t she just shower at my place like she asked. She seemed mildly frustrated and said that it seemed like I didn’t want her to because I never gave her an address. I never thought about this until now, but what she looking for an excuse to come to my place and stuff that day? It sounds so obvious, and I am surprised that I am only noticing it months later. I could be wrong, though.

There is another model I have. She likes every single thing I post on social media. She asked to hang out with me a few times, but I never came through. I’m sort of hiding from her. She doesn’t know I don’t have a car and such. I feel like I have nothing to offer her, so I keep my distance and mystery. She does seem to like me a lot , though. I’ll keep her in my heart and maybe someday I can do something really nice for her, because I appreciate her. Our shoot was the best. She even tried to introduce me and get me to shoot with her girlfriend. I have to come back for her when I make something big, you know?

Anyways, I am on the way home now. I will meditate, exercise, and do Ruby and programming for an hour.