(Rooters)- Stamford, CT- In a surprise announcement, the WWF has signed 84 year old Stu Hart to a one-year, $200,000 a year contract.

In light of Vince McMahon- Bret Hart incident at the Montreal Survivor Series in 1997, and the death of his other son Owen on a WWF Pay-per-view earlier this year, the signing has raised the eyebrows of many industry insiders.

“Contrary to popular opinion, the intention of this signing is NOT to give us leverage in the Martha Hart lawsuit” insisted WWF attorney Jerry McDevitt.

McDevitt also denied that the signings of Davey Boy Smith and Jim Neidhart were meant to give the image that the WWF is friends with the Hart family to the Kansas City jury.

The wife of Owen Hart, Martha filed a wrongful death lawsuit at a Kansas City court against the WWF weeks after her husband died in a failed stunt during the “Over the Edge” pay-per-view.

WWF talent official Bruce Pritchard has denied internet rumors that Keith, Bruce, or Helen Hart were offered contracts over the past few months as well.

In addition Pritchard refused to comment on a recent Calgary Herald story that he made Hart Calgary Dungeon alumni Larry Cameron, Brian Pillman and Dean Hart offers, only to be withdrawn when it was discovered that all three were dead.

What will the octogenarian wrestling legends role be in the WWF?

“Most likely, we will have him play the corpse of Paul Wight’s father”, said head TV writer and WWF owner Vince McMahon. “Either that or we will have him dress as a transvestite and have him blow Mark Henry.”

The widowed wife of Owen Hart, Martha could not be reached for comment.

XXXX

Ok here it is. As reported by the Internet Insider #2 last Tuesday, I have take on the Steve Austin situation that will knock your socks off.

First of all, allow me to point out for the record, that what I am about to tell you is MY THEORY ALONE. . and should NOT be construed as fact. However, it is indeed what I feel is . . THE UGLY TRUTH.

My theory? Steve Austin is deliberately CHOOSING not to wrestle because he is unhappy with the direction of his character.

In the light of declining popularity and an upcoming heel turn, Austin has taken the lead of other WWF box office leaders Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart and WCW’s Hulk Hogan.

The scam goes like this: Quit while you are on top when you see your promoter pushing someone else; lay in the weeds and wait for your “successor” to fail; then come back as the knight in shining armor!!!!

It’s the most popular trick of the 1990s, and Steve Austin is the next to pull the “Lost Smile” ploy.

Before I continue, yes, yes I DO know that Steve Austin had his neck legit examined 11/5 and the results of that exam were said to be grave. This after his neck injury was allegedly reaggravated in the ring.

The doctors suggested that Steve Austin not wrestle ever again.

GEE DO YOU THINK???!!?????. Dude has a BROKEN NECK. It was suggested back in 1997 that he not wrestle again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But a career ending injury? It sure as hell wasn’t one for the past two years!

Why don’t you decide?

POINT #1: STEVE AUSTIN HAS WORKED FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS WITH A BROKEN NECK.

ALL AGAINST DOCTOR’S ORDERS. Steve Austin went to doctor after doctor back in 1997 trying to get a positive prognosis on his crane. When he couldn’t get one THEN, the dollar signs were waved in his eyes by thw WWF brass, and Austin came back ANYWAY to wrestle a limited style. So what is so different about this LATEST DIAGNOSIS??????

What condition has changed with Steve Austin since then? Dude had a broken neck in 1997, he has a broken neck now.
He shouldn’t have been wrestling back then, and he shouldn’t wrestle now. But he has, so that gives us a right to question his decision to hang up the boots at this point in time.

Let us continue further:

POINT #2: STEVE AUSTIN IS PROTECTIVE OF HIS CAREER TO POINT OF PARANOIA

The impression that Vince Russo left on an eyada.com interview after joining WCW is that Austin is very, very paranoid about losing the top spot that he has worked so hard for over the years.

History will support this opinion. In the past Austin nixed a program Jeff Jarrett this past summer arguing that working him would tarnish his main event status; and last year Austin stiffed a Rock babyface push that might have jeopardized his top position. This resulted in Rock’s heel run from Survivor Series to Wrestlemania.

Does Austin see the writing on the wall that his run is over? Is this a last minute ploy to stretch his career a little while longer?

POINT #3: SOME WWF FANS ARE TURNING ON AUSTIN.

No great gimmick lasts forever, and the feeling is in the industry that having Stone Cold on Raw week after week after week is making his character stale. When a babyface gets stale, the fans turn on him. That is beginning to happen now.

If you watch tapes of the last few months RAWs, you’ll hear something you have not heard for two years- some fans booing Steve Austin.

What an opportune time for Austin to take a powder. When he returns, the fans will be so happy to see him he’ll get cheered again!!!

POINT #4: THE WWF WANTS TO TURN AUSTIN HEEL.

This would be the next logical step for the WWF and Austin. But here is Stone Cold, making millions off merchandise incentives after years of sleeping on hotel room floors, being told that now he is expected to turn on his fans who buy all those tee-shirts.

Last week on A&E one of the WWF’s marketing personnel commented on Austin’s keen marketing savvy. Would a marketing-conscious Steve Austin agree to a heel turn that would kill his Golden Goose?

Or would it be better to sit out for a few months and see if there isn’t a babyface shortage in early 2000?

POINT #5: THE WWF IS LOOKING FOR THE NEXT STAR.

Just as the WWF tried to replace Hulk Hogan with Randy Savage and the Ultimate Warrior, and finally Bret Hart. Just as the WWF tried to replace Bret Hart with Diesel and later Shawn Michaels. Just as the WWF tried to replace Shawn Michaels and did with Steve Austin.

Now in the WWF’s eyes it is time to replace Austin with the Rock. Or the Big Show. Maybe somewhere down the line Chris Jericho (unlikely- see my other take) or even Edge. Steve Austin sees the writing on the wall.

In Austin’s eyes, why not let the WWF have their new star, who will fall flat on their face? Then the WWF will beg Austin to come back?

Again, it’s a theory. But in my opinion, STEVE AUSTIN HAS CHOSEN TO COMPLY WITH DOCTOR’S ORDERS IN ORDER TO PROTECT HIS CAREER.

For two years Steve Austin has heeded the WWF’s pleas to ignore doctor’s orders and wrestled. Then again he was getting pushed to the moon.

Now, with a possible career killing heel turn on the horizon; with the Rock, Big Show, HHH, Chris Jericho and others ready to take his spot, I feel that Steve Austin has chosen this time to CONVENIENTLY LISTEN To doctor’s orders.

So how did all this take place? In September and October Steve Austin’s character starts getting stale and old.

In the same time period, Bill Busch takes over WCW and hires Vince Russo, giving that promotion a shot at catching the WWF in the ratings.

It becomes clear as the day is long that it is time to shake things up so that the WWF can keep it’s “edge”.

Late October Steve Austin is informed that at Survivor Series that he will be asked to turn heel or put over either HHH or the Rock.

Early November, his neck gets “re-injured”. He gets a doctor to tell him what we’ve been getting told this whole time anyway- Austin’s neck is trashed- he needs to retire.

The WWF begs Austin to not retire once again. Austin demands that his babyface push continue. Vince McMahon sez no.

Right before the Survivor Series, Stone Cold informs the WWF of his decision to not wrestle anymore because of the neck injury.

The WWF countermoves by not allowing Austin to ruin their PPV, and instead lies to its fans and advertises Austin anyway, ask Austin to do the car angle as a compromise, then substitute Big Show for the belt.

So, around WrestleMania 2000, as Nitro is closing the gap on WWF’s ratings; the Rock can’t find a good opponent; and Big Show and HHH flop; maybe Steve Austin’s neck will be feeling a little better, if you know what I mean.

Look, I am NOT blaming Steve Austin. Dude paid his dues, and worked hard to get where he is today.

But just like Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels before him, I feel Steve Austin has “lost his smile”.

XXXX

I just loved how all these internet nitwits were so fast to jump all over WCW and Ed Ferrera for his Jim Ross impression on TV over the past week before looking at the facts.

I mean, when does Jim Ross stop getting a free pass?

Look, I agree that that making fun of someone’s Bells palsy is tasteless, and the skit would still be funny without portraying that aspect of Ross portraying that aspect of Ross’ persona.

But how many times did ROSS allow the WWF to use his affliction for angles HE was in? The bottom line is this- if you watch closely, Fererra only imitates Ross’ gestures, and not make remarks about his face. I’m sorry, but that IS what Jim Ross looks like!!! If you’re going to do an impression of the dude, well that’s the only way you can do it.

Besides, Jim Ross is no angel. How many times has he trashed WCW on his hotline or on Raw? Yet when someone takes a shot at Ross, well god forbid, they are horrible people making fun of a handicap!!!

Oh, that’s right- Jim Ross is Good Ol' JR and is the greatest announcer in the history of wrestling despite being handicapped- so that makes it okay for him to attack you but not okay for you to fire back.

Now I trashed Eric Bischoff this summer for making fun of Ross’ wrestling knowledge. That is different because Bischoff has not business making fun of ANYONE’s commentating ability.

So anyway, sit back, relax and enjoy. I think Oklahoma is the funniest thing I’ve seen in WCW in a long time!!!!

OKLAHOMA!!!!OKLAHOMA!!!!!OKLAHOMA!!!!!!

XXXX

Stick a fork in Chris Jericho. Stick a fork in the guy, cook him and serve him for Thanksgiving dinner. Chris Jericho’s career is completely DEAD, DEAD, DEAD DEAD!!!!!!!! in the WWF!

This past summer I was the laughingstock of the internet when I said that I predicted that Jericho would not succeed in the WWF. Who’s laughing now?

Jericho will ask for a release from the WWF by the end of the year. He has been totally misused and this horrible horrible angle where he shatters Chynas’ paw with a hammer after getting beat by her is a career killer. I mean who is this . . . Chris Jericho. . or David Flair???!????

Word on the street is that the Jericho is getting over for the way he made Chyna look so good.

So this is what it has come to. The SURE THING GREATEST ACQUISITUION IN WWF HISTORY(hey, that what all you brain surgeons told me this summer) has to job to a chick to get his props!!!!

Chris do yourself a favor- get out of the WWF any way you can and hook up with Russo so you can find YOUR smile once again!!!!!!!

XXXX

Am I the only one that is sick and tired of Japanese wrestler Yoji Anjoh?

Many of you are not familiar with this clown so I’ll go ahead and recount history for you.

Anjoh is a noted shoot wrestler who started with Akira Maeda’s UWF (not Bill Watts or Herb Abrams UWF) promotion in Japan in the late 1980s. After that promotion went down, Maeda formed RINGS while Anjoh went to join UWFI, which enjoyed some pay-per-view notoriety in 1993-95 here in the U.S..

During this time, a war of words ensued between the two rival promotions in the press, with Maeda and Anjoh exchanging the more razor sharp niceties.

Then in 1996 the two had an altercation at a Samurai TV party.

Anjoh went on to make a total ass out of himself shortly after. To make a name for UWFI as a shoot promotion, Anjoh flew to Los Angeles with a press contingent and walked into Rickson Gracie’s basement gym and challenged him to a fight.

Now to put what Yoji did in perspective Rickson Gracie is the brother of Royce- and a member of the Brazilian Ju-Jitsu Gracie family that went over 80 years without losing a fight!!! OK Yoji, good luck.

Basically what happened is that Anjoh got his ASS royally punked, and snapshots of a bloodied and humiliated Anjoh were plastered all over the Japanese press. Because of Anjoh’s moronic bravado UWFI was exposed as a fraud and eaten up by New Japan shortly thereafter.

Yoji then did what any good, shamed Japanese should do over the next few years- laid low, and skimmed the edges of wrestling society. He even made a bit of a name for himself as a heel in new Japan.

All is good, and Anjoh is no longer embarrassing himself and Japanese wrestling, RIGHT???

BUT Noooooo . . . you see two Sundays ago 40 year old RETIRED Akira Maeda was standing around at the UFC show minding his own beeswax when this little rat bastard punk-bitch hit him from behind!!!!!!. Maeda suffered a cut over his left eye and had to be hospitalized.

When asked why he did it, Anjoh said it was revenge for the 1996 incident.

Uh, OK Yoji- I have a bulletin for you, Anjoh-san- THAT WAS ALMOST FOUR F’N YEARS AGO!!!!! GET OVER IT!!!! I mean what are going to prove taking a sucker punch on a 40-year-old man????????

There are those that say this is an angle, except that RINGS has filed charges.

It has also been pointed out that in 1987, Maeda charged the ring and kicked Riki Choshu square on the face when his arms were held back in the middle of the ring.

Of course, I think there is a BIG difference between attacking an old man backstage and shooting on a dude in a wrestling ring- that happens.

I’m sorry, but no matter what culture we are talking about, attacking someone from behind like a little girl in the dressing room is a totally different story.

MEMO TO YOJI ANJOH: RETIRE FROM WRESTLING NOW. YOU EMBARRASEED YOURSELF WHEN YOU GOT BEAT UPO BY RICKSON GRACIE. YOU EMBARRASSED YOURSELF BY ATTACKING AN OLD MAN WHO IS RETIRED FROM WRESTLING.

YOU VEDY VEDY BAD MAN, YOJI ANJOH. YOU NORTH END OF SOUTH BOUND MULE!!!!! YOU MORE EMBARRASSING TO JAPAN THAN SONNY ONOO.

As a matter of fact, why don’t you shoot on YOURSELF next time you want to get into the press?

Moron.

XXXX

Many of you by now have purchased either the new WWF and or WCW theme music CDs. You know what I noticed about theme music? Without the pictures or the wrestlers, soundtrack or ring entrance music sucks!

I remember the first time I listened to WWF Volume #3. I was looking forward to marking out to the Steve Austin or Rock themes, since that music sounds real cool when those wrestlers come out to the ring.

That’s when I came to this revelation: it is RING ENTRANCE MUSIC. It is NOT meant to stand alone.

I’m sorry, but unless you have wrestlers walking out from the john into your living room to fireworks, wrestling music SUCKS.

You know who buys wrestling CDs?

Losers who play them in their cars and crank the music as loud as they Can with the windows down. They think they are Stone Cold. The Rock. HHH. Yeah, OK, MARK.

Here's a clue for you: you are not. Go to the record store, and use all your gas pumping money to buy your Kid Rock CD, and save the rest of us your noise pollution.

XXXX

One of the performers on WCW’s Mayhem CD is Metallica, who incidentally have a CD coming out today where they are backed an orchestra.

Now, don’t get me wrong- I LOVE Metallica. I've seen them live twice.

But can you imagine this scene?

You are a classically trained violinist. You have gone to all the great music schools and have been playing violin since the age of 4. You have traveled Europe and Asia with various orchestras.

Yet, despite the fact you are one of the world’s premier musicians, you don’t get chicks. You don’t make records. No one recognizes you on the street. You are lucky if you make $40,000 a year.

Your first appearance on a CD?

Dressed in a $500 tux behind a bunch of longhairs that can barely tune their instruments.

Real nice. Anywhoo, I'll enjoy the CD. But I feel sorry for the real bando geek musicians who paid their dues.

XXXX

Speaking of music, I think I just read the stupidest thing ever in the November 25 edition of Rolling Stone magazine.
In a recent concert, Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band played a show at Philadelphia’s First Union Spectrum.

Then, because of a scheduling conflict with another event, the following night Springstein’s show was moved to the First Union CENTER for five nights, which is 759 feet away.

Ok so what- all’s well and good whatever, RIGHT?

No, get this: Comcast-Spectacor, the conglomerate that owns both facilities, has made a submission for this to the Guinness Book of World Records, for get this:

“THE SHORTEST DISTANCE TRAVELLED BETWEEN ARENA ROCK SHOWS”

HUH??!!!?????

The shortest distance between shows??? ARE YOU RIBBING ME???!!!????

I’m sorry, but that has got to be the STUPIDEST FU&&%%##!! THING I'VE EVER HEARD!!!!

I thought Guinness gave out records for ACCOMPLISHMENTS- you know great feats. Like for instance the most goldfish swallowed in one afternoon; or the most miles logged walking backwards.

I even remember when Ed "Strangler" Lewis got in for winning something like 8000 wrestling matches and losing 100.

BUT A RECORD FOR PLAYING CONCERTS IN ARENAS RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER?????!!!

Give me a break!

Fortunately Guinness is not putting up with all this nonsense. “This isn’t an existing record” sez Guinness’ Cindy Cominsky from the world record authority, “So it’s considered a proposal. We get every kind of request you can imagine- about 1,800 requests a month- and only about 25% become records.”

For our sake, let’s hope this ridiculous request is one of the 75% that get axed.

In the meantime, if Comcast is SO desperate for records and publicity, I have other suggestions.

Like have Srpingsteen play on top of the Spectrum, then push him off the edge while still playing. That could be submitted as the farthest distance hitting the ground while playing a tune? Or why not short-circuit his guitar? Send that in as the most volts ran through a performer during a show?

Now THOSE are REAL records that I’d give the Boss credit for!

XXXX

I’m about halfway through Mick Foley’s book and so far it is a very good read. I’ll withhold any review until I read the entire book, but there is something mentioned in the first half that is probably the sickest story I ever heard surrounding pro wrestling.

No, not Dude Love getting sodomized in one of Mick Foley’s home movies. Nor is it stories of old time wrestlers popping out eyeballs of a would be smoothie and stomping them in barfights. As a matter of fact, what I am about to relate to you is even sicker than Cactus Jack losing his ear in Germany:

Eric Embry- NAKED.

In his book, Foley tells about how World-Class booker Eric Embry would prance around the dressing room stark naked with his johnson hanging out hanging out booking instructions.

For those of you who are too young to relate, let me put this in perspective.

Imagine the fattest, most disgusting relative of your waltzing around your house in the buff. Then coming up to you to talk business.

YEEEECH!!!!!!

For you yunguns out there, Eric Embry was this short, fat, sweaty disgusting little guy that for whatever reason was a top babyface in World Class in Dallas in the late 1980s, and the LAST person on the planet who should have been parading around with his John Thomas out for all to see!

I really wish Mick Foley did not write that in his book. To make matters worse, I learned that Embry was part of a NUDIST COLONY!!!!!!

Now I’ve never been to a nudist colony, but from what I hear nudists are rarely people like Debra or for you ladies out there, the Rock. No, most people who are nudists are- well people that have no business showing off one square inch of their bodies in the first place!

I’m not sure what sight would repulse me more- Mae Young in a thong or Eric Embry in the nudie!!!!!!.

Sorry, Mick, but I’m not sure if I want to finish the book now.

I mean what other tales will you recount? Vader in the shower getting serviced by a big fat biker chick????? Yokozuna leaving his last sushi meal in the bowl???

Sorry, I love getting the inside on the biz, but not THAT inside!

XXXX

This weeks’ winning mailbomb:

From: "Darren Wah" [Add to Address Book]
Subject: You know wrestling....
To: theuglytruth@excite.com
...but it appears you don't know shit about computers. To make an
analogy to a more accessible topic, you sound like someone that drive a
Yugo in the mid 80s and thought that it was a GREAT car because it had a
steering wheel, and a windshield and motor that started occasionally
when you turned the ZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!

Sorry about that, Darren, but for those of you at home, Darren continues on to put over all these other operating systems for computers and it gets to be a drag.

Now, you might be thinking that I am ripping Darren because he disagrees with me but nothing could be further from the truth!

What I left out is that at the end of the email Darren pouts over the column and the real audio show I do with Fritz.

Sorry about that Darren. You actually had great points but I felt it best I take control. Thanks for reading PWBTS and get us another email- I'm sure the next one could be a winner!!!!!!

XXXX

Remember smarks, there will be NO UGLY TRUTH THIS THURSDAY because of Turkey Day. The next Ugly Truth will be up 12/2. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

XXXX

Oh, and by the by, I really shouldn’t have to say this, but the Stu Hart story was made up.