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I have some things to say, and they are not at all related. [This is entirely due to item #1.]

1. Sudafed. Ya’ll. Maybe I’ve just never taken Sudafed before, but that shit is TRIPPY. I’ve been on it since Friday. It’s fucked up my sleep [I’ve been calling it ‘hyper sleep’]. It’s made me buzz a mile a minute. It actually makes my skin and body tingle. I momentarily thought to myself, “Hmm… Maybe THIS could be my drug of choice!” and then I realized that I LOATHE the feeling of being on Sudafed. [So, don’t worry everyone, I don’t have a future as a meth-head, as much as I’d love to be an extra on Breaking Bad.] I saw my therapist today and talked, non-stop, for 45 minutes, all the while feeling like a lunatic on 6 shots of espresso. At the end of our session she actually cut me off and said “No, really. We need to stop now.” That said, it has CLEARED my sinuses right up. Zyrtec doesn’t work for me. Sudafed is my savior. [And, hey, my room got cleaned at 4:30 am so… it makes me super productive?]

2. Thrift Shop. I just. LOVE. This song and video so much. I cannot get enough of it. More, more, more Macklemore! [The whole album is actually unreal.]

3. Money. I filed my taxes at approximately 11:55 pm on April 15. I owed the State of New York money, but it was unclear as to whether or not they were going to electronically withdraw those funds from my account, or I was going to have to mail in a check. [Thanks for the confusion, TaxSlayer…] Anyway, a few days later, I panicked because the money had not been removed from my account, and I was worried I would be hit with a late payment fee. OF COURSE, as luck would have it, I ended up DOUBLE paying my state taxes [UGH! SO ANNOYING!]. So now… I’m waiting for my refund to be sent to me and… every time that I remember that it is on its way, it feels like Christmas! Yay for getting [my own] money [back].

4. Thankful. I am so thankful to finally be feeling better. It was a long month of sickness. Let’s never repeat that, ok universe?

I’m still in California right now and I’m sick. It is the worst. So, in my fuzzy-brained sickness, I’m having a hard time generating coherent sentences. These are the things that are cluttering my MotrinMind.

1. Monsanto. I know I’m tardy to this party, but what the fuck? I was looking at this picture on Jezebel and the first thought that came to my mind was, “There isn’t one lady in this picture who is overweight.”

I mean, I guess we could easily assume that immediately post-picture, these 8 ladies took a SoulCycle class together or did their CrossFit WOD.

NOT.

I’m pretty sure that exactly 0/8 ladies in this picture even owned a pair of sneakers.

WHAT IS OUR FOOD DOING TO US?! I read this article this morning, and I just felt horrified afterward.

I’m going to try and make the switch to organic immediately.

2. This is 2013. WHY HAVEN’T WE DISCOVERED THE CURE TO THE COMMON COLD?! Also, why isn’t there an awesome backless-strapless bra on the market? Why isn’t there an amazing strapless bra, for that matter? Why can’t we teleport? Why can’t the gays marry? THIS IS 2013, PEOPLE!

3. Sandra Lee. Why does she still have shows on The Food Network? She’s the actual worst.

That’s all I’ve got right now. I’m just going to take my Kleenex and crawl back into bed now.