NanoWriMo: Day 3

Maria always came to the meetings dressed to the nines. High heels, suit jackets, billowing silk blouses, pressed pants. She even managed makeup and perfectly neat hair at the 8:00 a.m. meeting. How did she do it? She talked about work, so I assumed she must have some sort of fulltime job if she was able to give advice on how to prepare yourself for eating at work functions.

I sometimes went to the meetings just so I was able to see what she was wearing.

At one Saturday morning meeting, Maria came in and told us about a horrible time that she had had at work that week. She had a potluck, and while she did bring something that was friendly for dieters, she hadn’t stuck to eating just her creation. Instead, she had to sample some of everything…. and felt awful afterward.

“I needed just an itty taste of this cheesy cassole. And then I took another little bit. And when I had what I wanted, I walked away. But friends started to come up to me and ask why I hadnt tried their meal. Well it was almost too much to bear. So I had to try theirs too…I blew it. And you know what? It’s ok. I just decided to get up and walk away from the table (after I had eaten of course) and start over fresh with the next meal. It’s ok to admit failures…and I failed. I just can’t keep failing.”

A hand in the audience cautiously rose.

“Yes?”

“Well. I know it’s the holiday season already. And I was interested in knowing if anyone had any good tips for how to avoid wanting everything at a potluck.” She breathed in and held it, hoping that someone would have a tip or trick to ease her anxiety about the upcoming workweek.

From the back, the familiar hand raised into the air, followed by a deep, throaty cough. “Well, yeah. The tip I use is an old one mentioned in here a long time ago.”

The room was quiet. And there was a really long pause before he even said anything else. He was gong to say something else, wasn’t he? What tip?

“You just pretend that someone sneezed on it.”

Excuse me?

“So you go to the potluck, pick the healthy things, and when you come across something that just looks too good, and you know you shouldn’t have it, you just say to yourself…. ‘Someone sneezed on it.’ And that is enough for me to wrinkle my nose, step back into my own body and realize that I can’t put that in my mouth.”

Then, as if these words sparked a fire in some of the women in the room, a handful of them began to talk at once.

“I’ve heard something similar! Except it’s a fly landed on it!”
“Or there’s a hair!”
“What if you think it went bad?!”
“How about you tell yourself there isn’t enough for other people to have some too?”
“Just use a smaller plate and then you won’t be ABLE to take any!”
“Call in sick and just don’t go!”

And on, and on, it went. Some good tips and tricks, but some that just didn’t seem right. It’s a potluck. You can participate, or you can not participate. If you do, why not just bring something that you can eat, take a bit before you stick it on the table, and then call it a day? Just don’t go SEE what other people brought. And if they ask you why you aren’t partaking of something? Tell them you’re allergic to alot of things and you just want to be safe (and then proceed to tell them to fuck off in your head).