Tuesday, October 11, 2011

twinkle, twinkle

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The early morning air that is crisping into autumn seemed to etch to stars today. So crispy-crispy clear. Astronomy -- another topic about which I have a patchwork understanding that I can cobble together with judgment and bias in an effort to be smart, in control, intelligent and a number of other things I clearly am not. Luckily, the stars don't mind...at least as far as I know.

One of the things I do 'know' is that the twinkling light I see in the heavens this morning can be a light that was emitted thousands of years ago. That's how long the light took to reach my peering eye. When I look up, I am looking directly into the past ... twinkle, twinkle, tease, tease ... and all of it happening in a 'then' made 'now.' What I see with such assurance is something utterly unassured. For all I know, that particular star or planet or whatever the hell it is has long since ceased to twinkle at all and, relative to the stars, I am living in a self-satisfied dream world. What may be 'dead' is still verifiably 'alive.'

Looking directly into the past. Right now. In the present. What a mind-boggler. What really is or may be dead is really alive and well and living in the early-morning sky.

And perhaps, assuming the stars gave a hoot, when the stars see me twinkling, they will suffer from the same confounding consternation. Adam is gone now, but twinkles just the same ... just like everybody else.

Maybe it's time to stop papering over my ignorance with smug observations and just let the past and present go. Separating past and present is a fool's errand -- one I am habituated to and one that is palpably a matter of telling fairy tales. How many fairy tales can I tell before living in a fairy tale becomes tiresome in its inaccuracy? What's the matter with being alive or dead, now or then? Isn't life simpler than a fairy tale?

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My name is Adam Fisher. I live in Northampton, Mass., U.S.A. I have a wife and three children. This is my blog and consists of almost-daily postings -- sometimes (older) about the Zen Buddhism I have admired and practiced for something short of 50 years; sometimes about other 'spiritual' matters; and (more recently) about whatever strikes my fancy. Except to the extent that it might help others to consider what sort of fool they might prefer not to be, this blog does not aim to help anyone. Writing is an old and diminishing habit. It's what I do. Once upon a time, I built a zendo/meditation hall in the backyard here and invited people to come. The zendo is still there and my Dharma name is still "Genkaku" ("original realization" or "original understanding") but these days the formality of meditation has drained. Black Moon Zendo is still a good zendo, but I am 77 in 2017 ... creaky and disinclined. I honor those who make courageous journeys, but am hoist by my own observation that "Just because you are indispensable to the universe does not mean the universe needs your help." Best wishes to all. I can be contacted at genkakukigen@aol.com