Kevin Benbow's Posts - Atheist Nexus2018-03-20T02:40:19ZKevin Benbowhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/KevinBenbowhttp://api.ning.com:80/files/etOhJFRCBGgGyUehHJMGJ4OQPPnTC6gZalQCknkGUW3EP6QpqLL-HT8Bpg08Ivge3xWKqgOcdfrC6GvWv21UEdQwImhSCrXV/593269327.jpeg?xgip=78%3A0%3A479%3A479%3B%3B&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1http://atheistnexus.org/profiles/blog/feed?user=3n2s533hea59m&xn_auth=noGrowing uptag:atheistnexus.org,2011-12-22:2182797:BlogPost:17941412011-12-22T23:41:12.000ZKevin Benbowhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/KevinBenbow
<p>In March of 1985 I took the plunge and converted to Christianity.</p>
<p>In March of 2003 I told my family that I was an atheist. </p>
<p>I am fortunate in that my family supported my decision. In fact, they strongly encouraged my decision to get off the “Crazy Train” of Christianity. We were Fundamental Baptists and I think that they had just about had enough of the rules and regulations that governed every detail of our lives.</p>
<p>My departure from religion left a major void in my…</p>
<p>In March of 1985 I took the plunge and converted to Christianity.</p>
<p>In March of 2003 I told my family that I was an atheist. </p>
<p>I am fortunate in that my family supported my decision. In fact, they strongly encouraged my decision to get off the “Crazy Train” of Christianity. We were Fundamental Baptists and I think that they had just about had enough of the rules and regulations that governed every detail of our lives.</p>
<p>My departure from religion left a major void in my thinking. When a person joins the Fundamental Baptists, they do not have have to think. It reminds me of the lyrics from the old Rush song “Subdivisions:”</p>
<p>“ . . . .Opinions all provided, The future pre-decided, Detached and subdivided in the mass production zone. Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone.”</p>
<p>Prior to my exodus from fundamentalism I did not have my own opinion: One was provided for me. My future was cast as though in a brass mold, and I was a psychological clone of my fellow drones. As I began to question fundamentalism I did indeed feel alone. I was terrified of what would happen once I left the “collective.” </p>
<p>Once I finally admitted to my family that I no longer believed I felt a wave of relief. Of course, my family was supportive. Not all atheists are well received when they “come out.” In fact, some are disowned and disinherited. Nevertheless, I felt relieved . . .and shortly thereafter I felt confused. As the song goes, I had become a “misfit” and felt as though I had no philosophical anchor. </p>
<p>While I was glad to be alone in the sense that I no longer had to fear a voyeuristic deity monitoring my thoughts, I finally realized that I needed to decide for myself what was important to me as a human being. I could no longer depend upon a cult-like religious group to tell me how to think: I had to form my values on my own.</p>
<p>Certain things seemed rather obvious: Killing, stealing, and lying, for example were inherently wrong, even without the bible’s guidance. My family continued to be important to me as did my work ethic. Nobody else was going to support my lovely wife and my five children. </p>
<p>Other things, though, seemed a bit hazy. Fundamentalists routinely prescribe opinions on alcohol consumption, how to dress, who can marry whom, and those with whom you may socialize. Being set free from my mental prison meant that I now had to make those decisions by myself . . . but it also meant that I was free to make the “wrong” decisions in these areas. </p>
<p>As I type, it occurs to me that perhaps this is what scares a lot of people about leaving their religious beliefs behind: The fear of being wrong. </p>
<p>Peter Pan was painted as a young man who wanted to remain a child forever. My own children have told me that there are times that they could wish that they were still minors who could have important decisions made for them. Indeed, I see this issue rear its head in my mental health practice virtually every day: “What if I stay married and it doesn’t work out?” “What if I divorce and later regret it?” “How can I know I’m doing the right thing.”</p>
<p>The mature answer to is obvious: You cannot know. Some decisions seem right at the time and later we find (painfully) that they are not. Other decisions appear correct, and we happily find later that our judgment was spot on. </p>
<p>Even if we consider the opinions of others, we alone are responsible for our decisions, be they healthy or unhealthy. Children are deemed not to have the adult faculties to consent to make adult decisions in our society. This is how we “protect them” until they are ready to make their own decisions.</p>
<p>Religion prompts us to abdicate personal responsibility and return to a childlike certainty. The fact that more nonbelievers are climbing out of the woodwork is a sign that we are growing up as a species.</p>Productive Dialog with Theiststag:atheistnexus.org,2011-11-28:2182797:BlogPost:17509222011-11-28T04:48:36.000ZKevin Benbowhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/KevinBenbow
<p>Nobody enjoys a good argument more than I do, especially when I’m right. As a counselor though, I am very much aware that most of the time heated arguments only serve to solidify the position one has already taken. Consider the debates we see on the news. Democrats and Republicans regularly skewer<br></br>each other. We never see a Republican say “Gosh! You’re right! What was I thinking all this time?” Likewise, Democrats in debate generally don’t suddenly say “Wow! Reaganomics really…</p>
<p>Nobody enjoys a good argument more than I do, especially when I’m right. As a counselor though, I am very much aware that most of the time heated arguments only serve to solidify the position one has already taken. Consider the debates we see on the news. Democrats and Republicans regularly skewer<br/>each other. We never see a Republican say “Gosh! You’re right! What was I thinking all this time?” Likewise, Democrats in debate generally don’t suddenly say “Wow! Reaganomics really makes sense to me now!”</p>
<p>Usually, such exchanges cause us to hold onto our position even more tightly. We become more defensive, and, in many cases, resort to ad hominem attacks. No matter how solid the opponent’s position,we will not concede the argument because we do not want to be <b>wrong. </b>Being wrong, for most of us, means that we are weak. Nobody wants to perceive themselves as weak.</p>
<p>And so goes the cycle of debate. We atheists assert our logic and display evidence that the Bible is no more valid than the Bahagavad-Gita or the Koran. Our logic is airtight and we have the powerful tool of scientific reasoning behind us. In the end, though, the theist remains unconvinced, choosing to ignore reason in favor superstition. In fact, history is replete with examples of people willing to die for a religious position rather than recant and save their lives. </p>
<p>We atheists are right to defend our rights . . . to seek relief when theists try to take control of our educational system and deny our children access to scientific knowledge . . . to share our ideas in various public venues . . . to post billboards speaking to the closeted atheist who thinks that he or she is alone in their lack of belief. Free speech is a constitutional right that we ought to exercise to help ensure that our voice is heard.</p>
<p>That said, most of us have been verbally assaulted by well-meaning family members and friends who attempt to warn us of the fires of hell. “Repent!” we are admonished “or face damnation!” Some of these people seem incapable of carrying on a conversation without “preaching” to us. Isn’t it fun to share a long car ride with this type of person?</p>
<p>I wonder, though, how many of us are guilty of the same thing? We find ourselves taking pot shots at religion almost obsessively. People stop wanting to be around the “angry” atheist. </p>
<p>Theists already see us as enemies. With that in mind, in our daily life we should consider putting the rhetoric on the back burner. How many atheists do your coworkers really know personally? If they can see that we are people, and not horned characters from their favorite book, we will gain credibility. This means that we respect their right to their belief system even though we know it is wrong. By demonstrating respect we gain a hearing and a way to start true dialog. </p>
<p>Should we speak up to defend our rights in the workplace? Absolutely. Should we bombard<br/>our coworkers with questions about contradictory bible passages? Probably not.</p>How an atheist deals with the death of a loved onetag:atheistnexus.org,2011-11-27:2182797:BlogPost:17502732011-11-27T22:40:01.000ZKevin Benbowhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/KevinBenbow
<p>A while ago I had a conversation with a friend on Facebook about dealing with the death of a loved one. This is part of that conversation.</p>
<p>I've been thinking about your note that we as people tend to fear death. <br></br><br></br>My grandfather was the most ethical man I ever knew. He never went to church and even used to joke that he wasn't worried about going to hell because he would be too busy shaking all of his friend's hands. :) <br></br> <br></br>He died in December of 2000. I was in Chile…</p>
<p>A while ago I had a conversation with a friend on Facebook about dealing with the death of a loved one. This is part of that conversation.</p>
<p>I've been thinking about your note that we as people tend to fear death. <br/><br/>My grandfather was the most ethical man I ever knew. He never went to church and even used to joke that he wasn't worried about going to hell because he would be too busy shaking all of his friend's hands. :) <br/> <br/>He died in December of 2000. I was in Chile struggling with the nascent atheism that was beginning to cast the demon of Christianity out of my mind. When I heard he was on his death bed I raced to the airport and flew to Lansing.</p>
<p>I was at his side when he died. <br/><br/>At his funeral I told the entire funeral home that he was in a better place. I did not believe my own words. I knew that he was dead. Plain and simple. I had his legacy of ethics, and I had his genes. In that sense he lives on in me, my brothers, my mom, aunt, and cousins. <br/><br/>He also lives in my kids and grandkids.<br/><br/>I was one of the pallbearers. As we left him at the graveside it occurred to me that most of my fellow evangelical pastors would say that he was now in hell. Some of those pastors were horrible examples of ethics. If my granddad was in hell, then they would be at least two feet lower!<br/><br/>At that point it became easier for me to simply accept that he no longer existed, except in my memories and when my family and I talk about him. <br/><br/>Anyway, that's how I deal with it.</p>I was a pastor who left fundamentalismtag:atheistnexus.org,2011-11-06:2182797:BlogPost:17224092011-11-06T06:09:19.000ZKevin Benbowhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/KevinBenbow
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<p>In March of<br></br>1985 I had a “born again” experience. I<br></br>was 18 years old, about to enter the Air Force, and had been pondering the<br></br>meaning of life for quite some time. <br></br>When I “accepted Christ as my personal savior” everything fell into<br></br>place. Suddenly, there were answers to<br></br>all of life’s questions. I was on the<br></br>road to heaven and everybody who did not believe was destined for hell. Some of my friends thought that I had lost my<br></br>mind. In…</p>
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<p>In March of<br/>1985 I had a “born again” experience. I<br/>was 18 years old, about to enter the Air Force, and had been pondering the<br/>meaning of life for quite some time. <br/>When I “accepted Christ as my personal savior” everything fell into<br/>place. Suddenly, there were answers to<br/>all of life’s questions. I was on the<br/>road to heaven and everybody who did not believe was destined for hell. Some of my friends thought that I had lost my<br/>mind. In retrospect, they were probably right.</p>
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<p> I served for five years in the Air<br/>Force. Three of these years were in<br/>Okinawa, Japan. I had married my best<br/>friend from high-school. We joined a<br/>large Independent, Fundamental Baptist Church. I was extremely active in many facets<br/>of the ministry there. My wife and I<br/>worked in the bus ministry, went on visitation, taught Sunday School, and did<br/>our best to tell people about our religion.</p>
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<p> I was discharged honorably and<br/>enrolled in Bible College. I worked as a<br/>salesman part-time and studied full time. <br/>I completed the undergraduate program in four years. Please understand that this period of time in<br/>my life was not one of serious inquiry into the nature of the Bible . . .it was<br/>a protracted indoctrination into the teachings of my denomination’s<br/>understanding of the Bible. I learned<br/>all of the basic tenets of evangelical Christianity and truly believed that<br/>there was not a question I could not answer. <br/>I was taught to hate psychology, Pentecostals, liberals, democrats, and<br/>everybody else who did not agree with “us”. <br/>I had pat answers for everything. <br/>Yet something was still wrong . . . .</p>
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<p> I found to my chagrin that even though<br/>I had the holy spirit living in me and I was doing all of the “right things,” I<br/>would still look at women and crave having a beer every now and then. I felt that if I studied harder so that I<br/>truly understood the Bible I would be able to overcome all temptation. Strangely, I also began to doubt whether or<br/>not what I was studying was true.</p>
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<p> After college I began traveling from<br/>church to church to raise funds to go to Chile as a missionary. I visited about 200 churches and traveled<br/>more than 100,000 miles in my vehicle. <br/>During this time I noticed that some of the churches in my denomination<br/>did things a little differently than we did back at our “sending” church. While women were prohibited from wearing<br/>pants back home, I noticed that some other churches did not have a problem with<br/>this. Even so, god did not strike them down. <br/>I even ran across a church that used a modern translation of the<br/>Bible. What heresy! I was taught that only the King James Version<br/>of the Bible was the “preserved word of god.” <br/>Yet here was a pastor telling me that he found it better to use a<br/>translation with more modern English. I<br/>guess he really wanted his people to understand what the Bible said. Looking back, this is probably a dangerous<br/>idea: When people read the bible and<br/>really understand it they will probably RUN! </p>
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<p> My family and I arrived in Chile on<br/>November 26, 1996. For the next 6 years<br/>I would be away from the influence of the extreme fundamentalism that had “raised<br/>me.” I had always been interested in<br/>studying psychology. Even though I had<br/>been taught that modern psychology was “of the devil” and one of my professors<br/>had warned of a former student who had “turned his back on god to follow<br/>psychology”, I was interested in how the human mind worked. I enrolled in a distance learning master’s<br/>program at a prominent Christian University. </p>
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<p> While I studied human behavior I was<br/>introduced to the concept of evolutionary psychology. Of course, I had been taught that human<br/>beings were created around 6,000 years ago, so, the idea of evolution was<br/>anathema to me. A fellow missionary let<br/>me view some video tapes by a noted creationist. While I watched, I could not help but notice<br/>that the speaker seemed rather ignorant. <br/>I opted to begin studying evolution for myself. I was in for the shock of my life!</p>
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<p> As I read and studied I began to<br/>feel myself becoming convinced that the scientific community was indeed<br/>correct. I also began to notice myself<br/>questioning my beliefs in the bible as the inerrant word of god. This truly scared me: If evolution were true then the early<br/>chapters of genesis had to be nothing more than primitive legend: myths. <br/>About this time I began to read Biblical Archaeology Review and was<br/>terrified to learn that there was no physical evidence for Moses and the<br/>Exodus, even though I was taught that there was in “college.” </p>
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<p> As my faith began to untangle itself<br/>from my mind I found that my style of ministry was changing as well. My sermons began to take on a tone of helping<br/>people improve their relationships. We<br/>introduced modern music into our style of worship. I even began playing the electric guitar. We then committed the unpardonable sin: We<br/>made friends with Pentecostals. Our<br/>Baptist denomination would surely disown us.</p>
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<p> The more I studied, the less I<br/>believed. One day as I was reading I<br/>realized that I no longer believed any of it . . .no heaven . . .no hell . .<br/>.no voyeuristic holy spirit spying on my lustful thoughts . . . and no<br/>god. Yet here I was pastoring a<br/>church. I tried to convince myself that<br/>I was wrong . . .I wanted to go back to believing, but I could not. Pandora’s box had been opened. I had eaten from the tree of knowledge . .<br/>.and I LIKED IT. </p>
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<p>My family and I left Chile in 2002. When I resigned as a missionary I told my<br/>wife and kids that I no longer believed. <br/>I was REALLY nervous about that. I<br/>was also surprised when my wife told me that she had stopped believing quite<br/>some time earlier. My 5 children had no<br/>problem casting off religion, though at least one of them professes to believe<br/>in god today. </p>
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<p> Since leaving Christianity my life<br/>has never been happier. As a cognitive<br/>therapist, I can see that I am truly helping people with serious problems. I no longer pass out Bible verses when people<br/>come to be counseled. I help my patients<br/>in their struggles with depression, anxiety, and even the more serious illnesses<br/>like Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder. <br/>My children are all adults and I am proud of each one of them.</p>
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<p> People might be tempted to ask: “Kevin, did you lose your salvation?” My answer is always no.</p>
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<p> I gave it back. </p>There Will Never Be a World Without Religiontag:atheistnexus.org,2010-12-05:2182797:BlogPost:10460772010-12-05T03:34:07.000ZKevin Benbowhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/KevinBenbow
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><font color="#000000">I am fully cognizant that the title of this blog will irritate some. Please be patient with me as I attempt to explain myself.…</font></span></p>
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<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><font color="#000000">I am fully cognizant that the title of this blog will irritate some. Please be patient with me as I attempt to explain myself.</font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><font color="#000000">Michael Shermer has artfully pointed out in his writings that humans are “pattern seeking animals.” Psychological studies reveal that infants seem to be hardwired to seek out not just the facial features of their caregivers. They seek the entire face. In addition, many of us tend to see “faces” when we look at the lights, grill, and bumper of automobiles; animals and human faces in clouds; and the likeness of Christ in grilled cheese. </font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><font color="#000000">It should be no surprise, then, that on a much grander scale we tend to see highly complex patterns in the universe around us. The evolutionary function of the neo-cortex is not to provide perfect understanding of the universe: It is to solve problems thereby facilitating the survival of our species. </font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><font color="#000000">We sometimes forget that our ability to turn this problem solving skill onto the world at large is a side benefit of our evolution and not its primary adaptive function.</font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><font color="#000000">I teach a basic undergraduate statistics and research course. For many of my students, understanding the most basic principles of the scientific method requires some serious study. My observation has been that looking at the world with a scientific perspective does not come naturally for most. For eons we remained technologically stagnate until observation led to innovation. </font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><font color="#000000">Because of this, people will always look for patterns that explain life’s questions. Animistic tendencies (observed in chimps) cause us to project intentionality onto hurricanes (“God was judging New Orleans”) and other disasters. </font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><font color="#000000">When these cultural patterns are handed down by the predominant culture, extrication from them becomes difficult. Interestingly, some people seem to be able to shed their viral beliefs in god, yet they embrace acupuncture, “alternative medicine,” and other pseudoscientific notions. This makes me think that the real problem is not just a belief in god, per se. The true problem is a faulty mental structure that simply changes one pattern for another. </font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><font color="#000000">Thus, I sincerely doubt that our species will ever abandon religion altogether. </font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><font color="#000000">Even so, as Atheists, we can work to disseminate scientific thinking. After all, our purpose is not (or should not) be to deny a person the right to their beliefs or opinions. Our goal, rather, should be to promote a scientific understanding of nature, that, when held side by side with religious dogma, is obviously the more logical choice. </font></span></p>From a Former Baptist Missionarytag:atheistnexus.org,2010-10-11:2182797:BlogPost:9985892010-10-11T01:51:56.000ZKevin Benbowhttp://atheistnexus.org/profile/KevinBenbow
<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><font color="#000000">My personal journey to atheism was a rather bumpy ride with smooth ending. My parents were not particularly religious. In fact, I never remember going to church as I grew up. Instead, weekends were spent with family at a small lakeside cottage where we would fish for bass, bluegills, and perch.…</font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><font color="#000000">My personal journey to atheism was a rather bumpy ride with smooth ending. My parents were not particularly religious. In fact, I never remember going to church as I grew up. Instead, weekends were spent with family at a small lakeside cottage where we would fish for bass, bluegills, and perch.</font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><font color="#000000">As long as I can remember I had always been vexed by the deep questions of life: “Why are we here?” “What is God like?” “Is there an afterlife?” “What about reincarnation?” I truly wanted to know. </font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><font color="#000000">When I became an adolescent I came into contact with a rather virulent strain of the god virus. In retrospect, I now know that it had been attempting to permeate my intellectual defenses for quite some time. However, not being raised in a religious home, I was an easy target. Before long, I found myself surrendering to all sorts of strange ideas: The infallibility of the Bible . . . The atonement of Christ for sin . . . .rejection of evolution . . . .and a host of other beliefs that are both bizarre and anti-intellectual.</font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><font color="#000000">As I continued to pursue knowledge I decided to enter the ministry. I attended a fundamental Baptist Bible College and then went to Chile as a missionary, my wife and children in tow. Bible College was a real pressure cooker: Behavior and belief were intensely molded to create willing vectors for the god virus. Later I would have flashbacks to this experience while watching Star Trek “First Contact.” I had been completely assimilated.</font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><font color="#000000">My time in Chile was the first time in a very long time that I was able to examine things without my denomination watching over my shoulder. I began to read books that were forbidden by my denomination, and very soon found that I no longer believed. What a conundrum! I had to preach a message I no longer believed in order to feed my family. Instead of propagating the virus I began to teach simple relational principles from the pulpit with just enough Bible to disguise them as sermons. This went on for 18 months until my wife and I decided we could stand it no longer and returned to the United States.</font></span></p>
<p style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 115%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman','serif'; FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><font color="#000000">I am now very open about my Atheism, though at times the god virus rears its ugly head. I agree with Mark Twain that religion, if taken at all, should be done so in moderation.</font></span></p>