monthly allowance?

Is it fair to put your deployed spouse on a monthly allowance? Dh is making purchases while overseas and not telling me about them, and when he does it doesn't matter how I feel on the matter. He asks me if it's ok but it seems to just fall on deaf ears! Spit tobacco for him costs $90-100 a month. I hate it, feel its a waste of money, but don't argue about it because I know it's a stress relief which is necessary. The MWR offers free Internet. Yes, I know there are lines and a time limit, but it's there. He already spent money for wifi in his room and it doesn't even work half the time. Now he wants to take $300 to pitch in for a satellite for the company to use. That is the starter payment and doesn't include the monthly payments. He's trying to lose weight and tone up more... Wants to buy supplements, vitamins, protiens... All that crap... And I know that stuff is pretty pricey. I don't agree with the use of those and he knows this! It has been discussed in the past! He asks how I feel about this stuff... I tell him that he needs to remember everything he buys there takes away from building a savings account, what I can do for the kids, and paying off bills. It was different with his last deployment and mine because we each had our own income and nearly not as many bills. I know that bored troops spend money... More money than they should. And I know he's bored since mission has changed, but JEEZ!!! I thought maybe things would be different now that we were down to one income! How do you manage your spouses spending while they're away?

Is it fair to put your deployed spouse on a monthly allowance? Dh is making purchases while overseas and not telling me about them, and when he does it doesn't matter how I feel on the matter. He asks me if it's ok but it seems to just fall on deaf ears! Spit tobacco for him costs $90-100 a month. I hate it, feel its a waste of money, but don't argue about it because I know it's a stress relief which is necessary. The MWR offers free Internet. Yes, I know there are lines and a time limit, but it's there. He already spent money for wifi in his room and it doesn't even work half the time. Now he wants to take $300 to pitch in for a satellite for the company to use. That is the starter payment and doesn't include the monthly payments. He's trying to lose weight and tone up more... Wants to buy supplements, vitamins, protiens... All that crap... And I know that stuff is pretty pricey. I don't agree with the use of those and he knows this! It has been discussed in the past! He asks how I feel about this stuff... I tell him that he needs to remember everything he buys there takes away from building a savings account, what I can do for the kids, and paying off bills. It was different with his last deployment and mine because we each had our own income and nearly not as many bills. I know that bored troops spend money... More money than they should. And I know he's bored since mission has changed, but JEEZ!!! I thought maybe things would be different now that we were down to one income! How do you manage your spouses spending while they're away?

In my relationship an allowance would be ridiculous. He spends money there I spend money here. The amount he's not spending in gas getting around counters some of the money he's spending as well as the amount on his cell phone. I don't think it's fair to tell him he can only spend x amount when it not like he has anything to do. Maybe you should send him theming to do like board games or a football or baseball and gloves or like a corn hole game. You need to talk to him about this.

In my relationship an allowance would be ridiculous. He spends money there I spend money here. The amount he's not spending in gas getting around counters some of the money he's spending as well as the amount on his cell phone. I don't think it's fair to tell him he can only spend x amount when it not like he has anything to do. Maybe you should send him theming to do like board games or a football or baseball and gloves or like a corn hole game. You need to talk to him about this.

DH and I have always planned a budget for deployments. He's navy so we always agree ahead of time on a set amount of money per port stop. If he doesn't spend all of it then he has extra for the next or if he spends more, then he has less for the next. Regardless we stick to the budget. It may not be crucial to set an x amount that he can spend but it is important for any couple to develop and manage their finances through some sort of budget. This goes for returning from deployments as well. Definitely discuss his spending habits with him and how it affects your family. Sometimes they forget that bills still have to be paid at home.

DH and I have always planned a budget for deployments. He's navy so we always agree ahead of time on a set amount of money per port stop. If he doesn't spend all of it then he has extra for the next or if he spends more, then he has less for the next. Regardless we stick to the budget. It may not be crucial to set an x amount that he can spend but it is important for any couple to develop and manage their finances through some sort of budget. This goes for returning from deployments as well. Definitely discuss his spending habits with him and how it affects your family. Sometimes they forget that bills still have to be paid at home.

I don't know how easy it would be to put him on an allowance now without causing problems. We have to sit down before hand and figure out a budget because he cant just spend whatever he wants and take food off our table when he gets fed and the stuff he buys is extra, not factoring in separation and hazard pay because we save that for a vacation when he gets back. Anyway he has an "allowance" here for things he can buy for entertainment he should have one there too because the budget still has to be balanced.

I don't know how easy it would be to put him on an allowance now without causing problems. We have to sit down before hand and figure out a budget because he cant just spend whatever he wants and take food off our table when he gets fed and the stuff he buys is extra, not factoring in separation and hazard pay because we save that for a vacation when he gets back. Anyway he has an "allowance" here for things he can buy for entertainment he should have one there too because the budget still has to be balanced.

I'll be honest with you having been deployed 4 x's with mostly males and was married to a Soldier.The way they see it is if their over there fighting a war and going through stuff you can't imagine he can do what he wants with his money. As far as the Internet is safer to use it in the room because there's so much involved with going to the mwr. Like wearing a uniform carrying a weapon. I'm sure he wants to be comfortable and relaxed. All Internet down range is touch and go. And a lot of Soldiers spouses spend their money before their Soldier gets home. If the regular bills are paid the rest should go to him. But that's my opinion we go through alot. Just figure out a happy medium we look forward to our hard earned money while deployed. Sorry if you don't like my response

I'll be honest with you having been deployed 4 x's with mostly males and was married to a Soldier.The way they see it is if their over there fighting a war and going through stuff you can't imagine he can do what he wants with his money. As far as the Internet is safer to use it in the room because there's so much involved with going to the mwr. Like wearing a uniform carrying a weapon. I'm sure he wants to be comfortable and relaxed. All Internet down range is touch and go. And a lot of Soldiers spouses spend their money before their Soldier gets home. If the regular bills are paid the rest should go to him. But that's my opinion we go through alot. Just figure out a happy medium we look forward to our hard earned money while deployed. Sorry if you don't like my response

my husband is mindful that we save a LOT each month and have bills to pay. Once we put away our agreed upon amount for savings and bills are paid we "play" with the rest. I try not touch it too much so he can have more to use (I'll skip my Starbucks or new shoes... little stuff adds up!) while he's away. We definitely have a budget though, and savings and bills are priority. He never spends a large amount without warning me (just letting me know, rather than me being surprised. definitely not to ask "permission") or without first checking to make sure we can afford it. I don't think it's fair you set an "allowance" for your husband, but maybe you should both discuss your goals for savings, etc.

my husband is mindful that we save a LOT each month and have bills to pay. Once we put away our agreed upon amount for savings and bills are paid we "play" with the rest. I try not touch it too much so he can have more to use (I'll skip my Starbucks or new shoes... little stuff adds up!) while he's away. We definitely have a budget though, and savings and bills are priority. He never spends a large amount without warning me (just letting me know, rather than me being surprised. definitely not to ask "permission") or without first checking to make sure we can afford it. I don't think it's fair you set an "allowance" for your husband, but maybe you should both discuss your goals for savings, etc.

Thanks ladies. It's not that I want to or think its fair to set an allowance, but he's making me feel like it's going to be necessary. We don't have a savings at all because of surprise expenses. I don't spend money on anything besides gas, groceries, and bills. We took a trip out of town and I used cash on everything (cash earned from a yard sale). I think I used our account twice and checked it first. The thing that gets me is that we DID discuss setting aside savings and everything prior to. I understand the MWR is inconvenient. I really do. But IMO our expenses come before convenience. I've downgraded our cable, Internet, and phone to save money. I don't buy clothes or anything for myself. Nothing extra for the kids. I don't understand why we are still struggling to the next paycheck when I'm spending less here at home. I just want to nip it in the bud before he makes these big purchases that I don't agree with. I don't think it's selfish at all to want to take the money we shouldn't be spending and set it aside.

Thanks ladies. It's not that I want to or think its fair to set an allowance, but he's making me feel like it's going to be necessary. We don't have a savings at all because of surprise expenses. I don't spend money on anything besides gas, groceries, and bills. We took a trip out of town and I used cash on everything (cash earned from a yard sale). I think I used our account twice and checked it first. The thing that gets me is that we DID discuss setting aside savings and everything prior to. I understand the MWR is inconvenient. I really do. But IMO our expenses come before convenience. I've downgraded our cable, Internet, and phone to save money. I don't buy clothes or anything for myself. Nothing extra for the kids. I don't understand why we are still struggling to the next paycheck when I'm spending less here at home. I just want to nip it in the bud before he makes these big purchases that I don't agree with. I don't think it's selfish at all to want to take the money we shouldn't be spending and set it aside.

Oh and as far as the Internet goes and buying things, I know how slow mail is. It's a 9 month deployment and he's going to want to send all that stuff home. He doesn't call and uses the work computer to send me messages. 9 months is going to fly by, then what for that satellite?

Oh and as far as the Internet goes and buying things, I know how slow mail is. It's a 9 month deployment and he's going to want to send all that stuff home. He doesn't call and uses the work computer to send me messages. 9 months is going to fly by, then what for that satellite?

I don't think an allowance is unreasonable, but I would reword it as a monthly budget. I deal with all the finances and I tell my husband every 2 weeks how much we have after bills and how much I am allotting for spending money. You have to set your priorities and so does he.

I don't think an allowance is unreasonable, but I would reword it as a monthly budget. I deal with all the finances and I tell my husband every 2 weeks how much we have after bills and how much I am allotting for spending money. You have to set your priorities and so does he.

While I think a budget is a good thing...I don't like the idea of an allowance. He is a grown man, not a child. If you treat him like a child, he will act like one. As far as the Internet goes... I've done 2 tours in Iraq and my husband has done 1. I hate the MWR room, there is NO privacy, the lines are long, etc...some of our soldiers had limited time between missions and not enough time to wait in them to talk. I would let him do anything that makes his life more comfortable as long as it is within your budget. He can't go anywhere for stress relief like you can and is basically a prisoner on his FOB.

While I think a budget is a good thing...I don't like the idea of an allowance. He is a grown man, not a child. If you treat him like a child, he will act like one. As far as the Internet goes... I've done 2 tours in Iraq and my husband has done 1. I hate the MWR room, there is NO privacy, the lines are long, etc...some of our soldiers had limited time between missions and not enough time to wait in them to talk. I would let him do anything that makes his life more comfortable as long as it is within your budget. He can't go anywhere for stress relief like you can and is basically a prisoner on his FOB.

I'm not naive to what his situation is there. I have been on the deployed end as well. The difference now is we are now running on a single income with no saving to fall back on in the event of an emergency or Necessary purchases for our kids. It's all been spent on vehicle repairs, bills, and moving expenses. Thank you for your input, but I don't need insight on what he's going through. (And sorry for my *****iness, as money makes me extremely agitates and I have been crunching numbers and sorting through purchases I didn't know about all day).

I'm not naive to what his situation is there. I have been on the deployed end as well. The difference now is we are now running on a single income with no saving to fall back on in the event of an emergency or Necessary purchases for our kids. It's all been spent on vehicle repairs, bills, and moving expenses. Thank you for your input, but I don't need insight on what he's going through. (And sorry for my *****iness, as money makes me extremely agitates and I have been crunching numbers and sorting through purchases I didn't know about all day).

Wow! Your story completely mimics what I have gone through with my husband on 2 different deployments. It's hard to handle finances when communication is limited. But yes setting up an allowance is the best way. It worked for us. I relaxed on the tobacco and one time supplement purchase, but anything more than that we agreed wasn't necessary.

Wow! Your story completely mimics what I have gone through with my husband on 2 different deployments. It's hard to handle finances when communication is limited. But yes setting up an allowance is the best way. It worked for us. I relaxed on the tobacco and one time supplement purchase, but anything more than that we agreed wasn't necessary.

This sounds like my husband.... I have never ever won this battle, so I don't really know, but maybe you could discuss what DOES need to be paid and an amount that DOES need to be saved; then tell him he can use all the rest for anything he wants. This has somewhat been the most beneficial thing to my husband because even though it's the same exact thing, it's presented in a way that I'm not interfering with his "personal" wants or expenses. I understand how it's frustrating to be the saver and you are constantly harping on a spender.... But it can really change things for the better if you're able to figure out how your husband would react to a positive idea of spending, rather than negative.... Instead of "you can only spend xx amount each month on crap," figure that amount out and then say "I propose we put xx amount in debt pay/ savings/ etc, and you can have all the rest." either way, since it's usually the same amount of pay, you should be able to plan ahead and give him that "allowance" while he thinks you're just being smart and generous. :) good luck

This sounds like my husband.... I have never ever won this battle, so I don't really know, but maybe you could discuss what DOES need to be paid and an amount that DOES need to be saved; then tell him he can use all the rest for anything he wants. This has somewhat been the most beneficial thing to my husband because even though it's the same exact thing, it's presented in a way that I'm not interfering with his "personal" wants or expenses. I understand how it's frustrating to be the saver and you are constantly harping on a spender.... But it can really change things for the better if you're able to figure out how your husband would react to a positive idea of spending, rather than negative.... Instead of "you can only spend xx amount each month on crap," figure that amount out and then say "I propose we put xx amount in debt pay/ savings/ etc, and you can have all the rest." either way, since it's usually the same amount of pay, you should be able to plan ahead and give him that "allowance" while he thinks you're just being smart and generous. :) good luck

We haven't been through a deployment yet, but we've discussed it already, and agreed all money will be handled by me while he's gone, to pay bills, pay off debt, put into savings, and spend on purchases we COULD live without but that we still need.... like a dinner table (we don't have one and have been putting money towards our coming daughter), bigger bed for his daughter (she's two and has a toddler bed, but for some reason does NOT want to sleep in it, and sleeps perfectly fine in a twin or full sized bed) etc, etc... He actually said himself that he wouldn't be spending any money except for souvenirs for me and the kids while deployed, allowing me to save the gas money etc he uses while home, and the extra deployment money. I know my man though, and I know he'll likely spend some money on McDonalds or Outback...whatever food he's been missing while on the carrier, while in port. So we would probably discuss a food budget for him while he's gone also, but other than that I don't see him spending money on extras. He wants our debt paid off as much as I do, and to create a savings and an emergency fund for things like down payments and deposits on cars, apartments, etc.

We haven't been through a deployment yet, but we've discussed it already, and agreed all money will be handled by me while he's gone, to pay bills, pay off debt, put into savings, and spend on purchases we COULD live without but that we still need.... like a dinner table (we don't have one and have been putting money towards our coming daughter), bigger bed for his daughter (she's two and has a toddler bed, but for some reason does NOT want to sleep in it, and sleeps perfectly fine in a twin or full sized bed) etc, etc... He actually said himself that he wouldn't be spending any money except for souvenirs for me and the kids while deployed, allowing me to save the gas money etc he uses while home, and the extra deployment money. I know my man though, and I know he'll likely spend some money on McDonalds or Outback...whatever food he's been missing while on the carrier, while in port. So we would probably discuss a food budget for him while he's gone also, but other than that I don't see him spending money on extras. He wants our debt paid off as much as I do, and to create a savings and an emergency fund for things like down payments and deposits on cars, apartments, etc.

Thanks Jen! I focus so much on the negative that I come off naggy, I think. He just doesn't listen!! Argh!! And I'm not even going to sit here and explain myself to these women who are assuming that I'm here spending his hard earned pay and that he has every right to that extra pay. Unless they are in my checkbook, they don't know what money is going where.

Thanks Jen! I focus so much on the negative that I come off naggy, I think. He just doesn't listen!! Argh!! And I'm not even going to sit here and explain myself to these women who are assuming that I'm here spending his hard earned pay and that he has every right to that extra pay. Unless they are in my checkbook, they don't know what money is going where.

You make a good point. We do this also during deployments. We transfer a certain amount to a different account pre deployment and then a certain amount each month. When it's gone it's gone. I think it's a little unreasonable to say that after bills are paid, the spouse should have no access or to use money. Not every wife is sitting at home blowing through service member's money like there is no tomorrow. Nor is every service member spending every cent before his family is taken care of at home. Once again, I think it's really important for couples to determine a budget for their family TOGETHER.

You make a good point. We do this also during deployments. We transfer a certain amount to a different account pre deployment and then a certain amount each month. When it's gone it's gone. I think it's a little unreasonable to say that after bills are paid, the spouse should have no access or to use money. Not every wife is sitting at home blowing through service member's money like there is no tomorrow. Nor is every service member spending every cent before his family is taken care of at home. Once again, I think it's really important for couples to determine a budget for their family TOGETHER.

When my husband deployed we sat up allotments for every bill. Before he deployed his company set up the little credit card thing and he sat up an allotment for that. The money being spent on groceries, gas, childcare came from my check. Hard work pays off

When my husband deployed we sat up allotments for every bill. Before he deployed his company set up the little credit card thing and he sat up an allotment for that. The money being spent on groceries, gas, childcare came from my check. Hard work pays off

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