You’d better be sitting down…

Warning, hell is on the verge of freezing over.Why?Because… (brace yourselves) …we are thinking about getting a dog.A DOG (Did I really just say that and MEAN it??)Now just pick your jaw back up off the floor and understand that I am just as bewildered as you are.I’m a Bain, right?And Bains – in general – are NOT animal people.(Except for my Dad, who long ago even wanted to be a vet when he grew up.What family is HE from??)

But alas, Jake just got a new job – his first post-college-graduation career-starting REAL JOB – and this job strongly encourages that he have a pet.So in the name of Jake taking over the role of “breadwinner” in our family, I have more-or-less said OK to a dog.Family, please do not disown me.

This decision, however, comes with conditions.I only want a dog that doesn’t shed, doesn’t bark, doesn’t smell, doesn’t poop, doesn’t lick my face, doesn’t have germs, and it will NOT be in our family Christmas picture.So if you know of a small dog that fits that description, let me know.

And as for a name, this was Jake’s attempt to build his case in favor of naming a dog “Capone”:

“Melissa, you’re from the Bay Area, right?And in the Bay Area, there’s not only dogs, but also D-O-double-G’s.You know, like Snoop Dogg.And Al Capone, one of the greatest criminals/doggs of all time, was incarcerated at Alcatraz in the San Francisco Bay.So, naming a dog “Capone” is like an homage to your childhood hometown.”

Jack is trying to poison you–those tiny turtles carry salmonella. I know because we used to have them and Camille was the unlucky victim. Stick with the dog. Or fish. Just a warning–when we first got a puppy (and I love dogs) he actually made me cry on a regular basis.