Shaun Costello's BlogShort stories and essays by Shaun Costello, as well as excerpts from manuscripts in progress.

NON CHIEDERE, NON CHIEDETE

February 5, 2014 Associated Press. In Rome today, Cardinal Vincenzo Pantangelli, The Vatican’s Director of Information, made a startling announcement to the world’s gathered press. “Ina order to addressa the misconceptzione that homosexuale activity is conadoned ina the Holy Mother Churcha, and at the directa wishesa ofa Il Papa himself, I ama announcing a new polizia that willa take affecta froma this momento. We are calling thisa new polizia ‘NON CHIEDERE, NON CHIEDETE’. So any of you that hava any questiones, about a thisa sensitive subjecta, pleasa to remember, that any homosexuale activitiesa of any ordaineda personsa ina the Holy Mother Churcha comesa under thisa new polizia, ‘NON CHIEDERE, NON CHIEDETE’, Whicha translatesa in English asa ‘DON’T ASKA, DON’T ASKA’. Thatsa right, ‘DON’T ASKA, DON’T ASKA’. This only makes sensa, because for sure, ‘non abbiamo intenzione didirvi merde’. Anda you can figure that outa for yourselvsa”. This announcement puzzled the correspondents gathered at the Vatican’s Press room, who were later informed by The Church’s translators that, “Non abbiamo intenzione di dirvi merde”, translates as, “We’re not going to tell you shit”. The American Ambassador to the Holy See refused comment.