Recently found myself watching Real World DC because even though I know that every Real World is the exact same crap, I like watching these tools run around some of my favorite (and least favorite) DC haunts. Plus, all that time passing by their house in Dupont and wondering “what does it look like inside there?!” Well now I know. And yeah, it’s pretty cool.

Between Real World & the outrageous Jersey Shore show that profiles Staten Island’s finest to the entire country in a light that has embarrassed Italian-Americans to no end, I didn’t think MTV could get much worse. Then I saw the preview for, and subsequently watched about 20 minutes of, Teen Mom, a show about being one, which my Facebook friends would later tell me was based on a UK show called “16 and Pregnant.”

First let me call something out: MTV is supposed to stand for “Music Television.” It no longer does, nor has it resembled such for years. That aside, I really can’t believe that they’d stoop so low as to create a reality TV drama documenting the lives of teenage girls with babies. Sure, there’s the “if you show the trials and tribulations of teenage motherhood, you’ll prevent others from making that mistake” argument, but let’s be honest, in order to keep it interesting, MTV has to glorify it a little bit, and their target demographic probably doesn’t gap into the whole “i shouldn’t do this” thing. Regardless, in the 20 minutes I watched, one of the girls goes to the doctor, baby in tow, to get birth control so she can keep having sex!!! I mean, hooray for safe sex but isn’t the first bundle of joy enough to keep you from risking another?

I tend to be pretty conservative in a lot of my views around the topic, but I don’t think I’m nuts here… people emulate what they see on TV, especially impressionable teenagers. Whether the intent of the show is to show teens the downside to teen pregnancy/parenthood or not, I’ve got to imagine that the opposite interpretation is just as likely whereby viewers say, “well if it’s okay for the girls who get to be on TV as a result, it’s okay for me too!”

I’m happy to report that I’ve yet to stray from my New Years Resolution of sound spending, eating, and exercise habits. In the past two days, I’ve managed to spend only $6/day on food and run an average of 5 miles/day. Today I broke that a bit by going to lunch w/ a buddy where I spent more cash, but I DID order a salad (and in case you’re wondering, no you should NOT order the flank steak caesar salad from Matchbox, unless you like eating romaine stalks with burnt edges).

I’ve also been tracking my daily intake through Livestrong.com, which acquired a nifty little site called Daily Plate, which I discovered years ago during one of my many unsuccessful dieting stages. It’s somewhat tedious to track everything you eat, and downright difficult when you’ve been bad and don’t want to admit it, but it keeps you honest and for the most part provides accurate nutritional information on just about any food product out there, as well as solid calorie-burning data for tons of exercises and activities. For instance, did you know that the average 145-pound person will burn 230 calories/hour saddling horses? Disappointingly enough, that same 145-pound person will only burn 52 calories/hour during (moderate) sex. And although vigorous sex burns nearly double that, sadly it’s still not as good for your weight loss goals as saddling horses…

So I’ll tip my hat to Palm for somehow pulling the magic rabbit out of its hat in the form of the Pre – that’s a sexy little smartphone they’ve come out with. I wouldn’t be caught dead owning one, simply because Palm was so late to the game – I mean, up until now they thought the Treo was still “in” and that the Palm OS was competitive. Think again, dumbasses.

So now they’ve got this really sexy device that looks like it was designed by Apple or some other manufacturer that isn’t Palm (reminds me of Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! commercials, only I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Palm!), but they are running these TV ads that almost make my skin crawl – I’m not joking you! They’ve got this one commercial with this strange music that sounds like the intro to a cheesy 80s sitcom, or the kind of music your elementary school teacher used to pop in some outdated shitty VHS about something I can’t remember, or a crappy corporate america training video that HR plays in new hire orientation. Then, this pale, anemic looking redheaded woman who appears to be wearing a nightgown turns around and starts talking to me about street lights and going “bing, bing, bing” while she plays with her Pre and talks about how she’s having one of those days where life just “flows.” Woulda thought it was an ad for Always if she didn’t whip out her little clamshell phone. But seriously, she looks like a cross between McCauley Culkin and those freakish translucent robots from I, Robot with (Wiki-Wiki) Will Smith. See the video below.

See the resemblance? Crazy right? Then there’s the other commercial where Palm apparently hired the entire fleet of Chinese dudes who performed that freakishly mechanical number at the opening to the Beijing Olympic games that reminded everyone in the world that the Chinese are precise as hell and can collectively do some pretty mindblowing things. This is supposed to entice me to realize how the Pre can help me manage all the different people who “flow” in and out of my life seamlessly. I mean, I like this commercial better than the one where she’s looking at me – rather see a bunch of Chinese people proving displaying evidence that North America is going to someday be their bitch in the form of a dance routine than have this woman stare into my soul as if she thinks my heart is a Palm Pre and just wants to reach out and grab it. See that video here:

So what do you think? Is it just me? or are these supernatural, peaceful, magical “flow” commercials actually a job well done by Palm? Here’s CNet’s video review of the phone – something “useful” for you in this blog of random ramblings ;)

I’m not a religious man, per se, but I was baptized a Roman Catholic. I once told my grandfather, who is extremely religious (church every day, prayer 3 times/day, no meat on Fridays kinda guy), that my girlfriend is also Catholic and he said, “is she a real Catholic? Or is she like you.” Ouch.

One of the reasons that I’m not particularly religious is because I’m still a brazen young guy who hasn’t been tested with really devastating challenges that result in me losing hope in things. I’m confident/arrogant enough to believe that as Marley said, “every little ting…ees gonna be alright, mon.” But another reason is because the Catholic church tends to be so somber and it’s all about feeling shame and apologizing for everything you do so that you are guaranteed better a good seat inside the pearly gates. At mass, people drone on and on with the prayers, and the priest will preach and pontificate to the disciples who hang their head in shame. Personally, I like the way the Baptists do it – celebrate Jesus and God by dancing around, singing your ass off, and actually CELEBRATING.

This all came to mind for me when I saw the video below. I’ve been to a few weddings this summer and this reminded me just how blah the Catholic church is – even at joyous occasions like weddings, there’s a somber tone to it. Check out this video from a wedding in Minnesota that truly represents the joy that is supposed to be a wedding day. I want you to pay attention to the halfway point…you’ll notice that you’re smiling pretty much throughout the whole thing – it made my day yesterday. And for those of you who know me, pay attention to the 1:09 and 2:50 minute mark…I think my doppelganger is in Minneapolis.

Wasn’t that just about the happiest video you’ve ever seen? Sheer, unadulterated joy. The way a wedding SHOULD be.

Can someone please tell me why the public is obsessed with motorized boxes? I can understand the functionality of a minivan, as it is a practical way for families to travel; but what is the point of buying a compact car shaped like a massive square box? I mean, why not buy either a) a compact car like a mini or Scion xA; or b) a honda element or minivant type thing? What’s with the hybrid of the two? Look at some of these things – aren’t they hideous? I find it especially funny when people “soop” these cars up – I mean really, what are you doing? that’s like me putting spinners on the 1990 Toyota I drove in college…I don’t understand the trend that is forming around these boxy ass cars…someone, please explain!

I don’t know what all the fuss is about but as soon as Dos Equis’ recent campaign for the “Most Interesting Man in the World” launched, I started seeing quotes from the video on my friends chat statuses and in general just realizing that the Mexican brewer is aggresively marketing its beer online now. Looks like someone’s tired of letting Corona have all the fame and glory, and a good ol’ fashion cockfight is brewin’. Personally, I’d love to see Negro Modelo or Tecate get into the mix – let’s turn this brew-battle into an all out Mexican wrestling match, Nacho Libre style…I just don’t get it – it’s not that great of a commercial. Kinda stupid, actually. I’ll take the Geico Gecko or eTrade baby anyday.

And you thought sexual innuendos in United States advertising were pushing the envelope…..check out this ad from Singapore. I really like the Burger King “King” ads, but this is a bit strong. I wonder how many parents they’ll lose as a result of this.

The Coca-Cola Bottling Company (I use it’s full name like a parent does when really trying to show a kid they are pissed at them) recently decided to change up the design of it’s ever-since-i-can-remember gold Caffeine Free Diet Coke can. The new can is now a silver can with some ugly goldish squiggly lines running through it. Frankly, it’s almost difficult to tell it apart from a regular Coke can, which begs the question: why on earth would Coke want to take a highly recognizable differentiator like the gold coke can and replace it with one that people might absent-mindedly NOT purchase because they think it’s regular Diet that will keep them up? I do not understand the rationale behind this decision. Someone pls explain.

and isn’t it ironic that he made his living helping Americans do away with dust. This morning, uber-promoter and pitchman Billy Mays was found dead by his wife in their Tampa, FL home. You may not recognize the name, but the face is unmistakable – you’ve definitely seen a commercial with this burly bearded dude pitching OxiClean or Orange Glo. Mays’ death marks the 4th celebrity death of the week, and although he was nowhere near as famous as McMahon, Fawcett, or Jacko, there is literally NO one out there who does what he does and is as recognizable as he is.

Details surrounding Mays’ death are still unknown, but he apparently hit his head yesterday during a turbulent landing aboard a flight – way to go US Airways…..way to kill Billy Mays. Jerks. Now who’s going to pitch household cleaning products to me?

As an added twist, the death of Billy Mays is somewhat strange because just yesterday my friends were telling me that ever since I grew back my beard, I look like him. They have never made this comparison prior years when I’ve let my beard grow, but just happened to do so this weekend. Strange, eh?

That’s three pretty (used to be) big-time celebs kickin’ the bucket within 72 hours. I’d say it’s pretty unlikely we see that kind of thing happen again any time soon.

All joking aside, despite the media’s portrayal of each of these three people as beyond their time and pathetic in many ways, there’s no denying that Michael Jackson is the reigning King of Pop, irrespective of the last 10 years when he’s admitted to sleeping in the same bed as little boys, fucked his face up beyond all recognition, and become more and more reclusive. Farrah, let’s face it, was hot. She was the quintessential American beauty of the 70s – the equivalent of a Marisa Miller or Jessica Simpson today – she, too, was an icon in her own right. And Ed McMahon…..well, without Ed McMahon, Johnny Carson wouldn’t have had anyone to laugh at jokes he told that were not, in fact, funny. So he was good for something. Didn’t he also do that “America’s clearing house” thing where he brought big checks to people other than me? That’s kinda cool too, I guess. It was for those people at least. Assholes.

The real question is who’s next? This week ain’t over yet. There are 3 days left. Are we going to see another washed up celeb bite the dust? Don Johnson? Cheech Marin? Jeff Goldblum?

Time will tell. In the meantime, say a prayer for the people related to the dearly departed because fact is, they are people too and there are many sad folks out there who could use some condolences. I won’t be praying, but that’s only because my prayers go straight to the “spam” pile of God’s inbox….at least til I start going to church again….he told me so in a dream once.