I Shagged a Celebrity

A few years ago I investigated the world of the suburban ‘Celebrity Shag Club’, whose middle class, middle aged membership devote themselves to collecting sexual experiences with the rich and famous, (writes John Pilchard, Chief Investigative Reporter for The Sleaze). Whilst they boasted an impressive roster of sexual encounters with some very high profile celebrities, they admitted that they had no authenticated stories of bizarre sex with celebrities. Consequently, I invited readers of The Sleaze to send us their stories of perverse celebrity sex romps for publication. Well, after three years, we finally got a response and, after consulting our lawyers, are pleased to present the celebrity bonking experiences of one ‘Kid Leather’, a professional brass rubber from Tonbridge, Kent:

“I once had a three in a bed romp with Rod Hull and Emu. He insisted on wearing that bloody bird puppet during sex. In fact, his foreplay consisted entirely of him using Emu to attack my breasts and attempt to peck off my nipples. At one point during our lovemaking he stuck its beak right up my arse. Jesus, that was so painful I shrieked! He thought I was climaxing. I have to say though, that of the two, Emu was the more considerate lover.

Apparently someone once caught him in his dressing room, using Emu to wank himself off before a kiddies TV show. Or perhaps that bit was just made up. But both he an Emu did have sex with me.”

As proof of this celebrity smut session, ‘Kid Leather’ sent us a signed photograph of Rod Hull and Emu, showing the bird, quite literally, ‘goosing’ her. Incredibly, this letter was shortly followed by a second letter, this time describing a scenario ‘Celebrity Shag Club’ members rated as their top unfulfilled celebrity sexual encounter: being picked up by a top star for some dirty sex. The letter is a real corker, from one ‘Grand Duchess’, revealing a little known side to one of Hollywood’s biggest movie stars:

“Back in the Summer of 1973 I was hitch hiking home to San Francisco from Seattle when, late one afternoon, a black Trans Am soddenly pulled up beside me. The door opened a vaguely familiar voice asked “Do you want a ride kid?” Imagine my surprise to discover the driver was none other than John Wayne – the Duke himself! Although I was a freaked out, long-haired hippie peacenik, the Duke had no hesitation in offering me a lift back to ‘Frisco.

Several times during the trip he touched my thigh with his right hand – he claimed that it had slipped whilst changing gear, but the car was an automatic. When we finally arrived outside my apartment building, he leaned across from the driver’s seat and kissed me on the cheek. I immediately asked him up to my apartment for “a coffee”.

Of course, as soon as we got through the door we began to rip each other’s clothes off and engaged in mad passionate lovemaking for the next four hours. We continued this homosexual affair in secret until his death in 1979. The Duke claimed that he had wanted to ‘come out’ for years and said that he’d thought he’d given enough clues as to his true sexuality in all those westerns and war movies where he never got the girl, but preferred to hang out with guys and horses. Indeed, he claimed that he’d been shooting a movie about a gay cop in Seattle, but I don’t recall ever seeing him in such a movie -maybe the studio suppressed or re-shot it. Knowing your editor’s encyclopedic knowledge of crap movies, John, perhaps he could enlighten me?”

Well ‘Grand Duchess’, after consulting the esteemed Doc Sleaze, I can tell you that the film in question was McQ, which, as you surmised, was completely re-edited by the studio to remove any references to homosexuality. However, it is notable that film never mentions what ‘McQ’ is short for, I think we can all guess what the Q is short for. Moreover, all the women in the film are either treacherous or whores. Indeed, one of the latter refers to the Duke as being a ‘bear’ – a gay slang term for large rough men. The Duke spends a lot of the film beating up hippies and other ‘non-manly’ men – in the original script this was a cover for his own repressed homosexuality. The original climax featured him embracing his sexuality and running off with the obviously gay Mafia boss played by the late Al Lettieri.

These two letters have left me exhilarated, especially the picture of the ‘Duke’ dressed as a hippie, smoking a bong and groping a young man’s bottom, which ‘Grand Duchess’ included in his letter – that young man, of course, being ‘Grand Duchess’. Obviously, I’m left wondering how many more stories of this kind are out there? Does anybody else have any other tales of puppet-related passion to rival the three-in-a-bed romp with Emu enjoyed by ‘Kid Leather’? Anybody had their arse felt by Sooty and Sweep, perhaps? Or been taken from behind by Big Bird, maybe? Perhaps you’ve been porked by Pinky and Perky? And does anybody else have any tales of passionate sex sessions with old time cowboy stars? I mean, I’ve heard rumours about Randolph Scott and his ‘bare back riding’ exploits, but never an eyewitness account. What about British movie stars? Did you ever get hot and sweaty with Oliver Reed in a boozy S&M session? If so, drop me a line here at The Sleaze!

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About The Author

The Sleaze's top investigative journalist, John Pilchard has risked life and limb to investigate such subjects as corruption in world football and secret celebrity sex clubs. Frequently working undercover, John contracted several sexually transmitted diseases in his quest to uncover the truth about the alleged 'celebrity shaggers'. Perpetually overlooked by press awards, nobody knows what John actually looks like, as he is perpetually in disguise to protect his identity.