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Jason Morgan only exists on General Hospital because of Jason Quartermaine’s brain damage following a 1995 car crash. As of late, his only ties to either character are fleeting moments of familiarity. But Helena Cassadine is a force of nature, greater than all medicine that apparently exists. While “Jake” may not know who he is or recognize his loved ones, Helena’s brainwashing is still very much intact.

Jason/Jake (or “Jakeson,” as Twitter has taken to calling him) is very much under Helena’s control. During his Crichton-Clark time, he was conditioned to be her “soldier boy.” Despite his post-release brain surgery, broken bones, and amnesia, Helena is able to use his prior muscle memory, and Jakeson is able to grab Sam as a human shield, shoot Nathan (in the ever-popular upper-right-chest gunshot location), and assist in Faison’s escape. After his mission is complete, Helena sends Jakeson on his merry way with no memories of the chaos.

Faison makes his way to the docks, where Obrecht and Britt are waiting, with Helena, to flee Port Charles with him. Before Faison arrives, Spencer shows up to run away with his pseudo-mommy. Helena is having none of it. Helena puts the fear of great-grandmother in Spencer, sending him scurrying back to Wyndemere. Faison arrives with news of Nathan’s shooting, which leads Obrecht to tearfully decide to remain in Port Charles to tend to her son. Britt and Faison take off for international waters unknown.

The Feds are none too happy that Faison has escaped. Blame is placed on Anna for not returning Faison to Steinmauer Prison in the first place. Additionally, Jordan’s eight-month stretch of infiltrating the Jerome organization comes to an end. Criticized for covering for the family more than helping to bring them down, Jordan finds herself fired. However, law enforcement is none the wiser that Helena and the still-unknown Fluke are partnering and still at large, wreaking havoc.

Of course, Jakeson is also completely in the dark about his soldier boy role in the mayhem. Having seen (incredibly clear, with amazing audio!) cell-phone footage of the shootout on the news, Elizabeth wonders how Sam got involved. Jakeson, nonplussed, comments that Sam, as a hostage, had no choice, unless he wanted to risk being killed. Elizabeth doesn’t notice his calm demeanor regarding the whole situation. Later, at the Metro Court, Sam works with Spinelli to get the PCPD security footage of when she was grabbed. Jakeson, looking for work, happens to be there, and they watch it together. It reveals nothing, but Jakeson’s casual comment, “It’s not like I haven’t got all day,” triggers a memory of the gunman for Sam. The double-negative sparks enough suspicion in Sam that she brings her concerns to Elizabeth, who completely brushes off her former nemesis.

In New York City, Silas and Ava make their way to Ryan’s Pub to meet with an informant who may have information on Franco, Nina, and the baby’s whereabouts. Unbeknownst to them, Kiki and Morgan are already there, hoping Delia will lead them to Ava. The group reunion is less than festive, as Morgan wants Ava arrested immediately for Connie’s murder. A surprising visit from Betsy Frank (who raised the character Franco, but is also James Franco’s real life mother) reveals a lot of animosity towards Ava, but also a possible location of the missing trio.

In Canada, Nina and Franco are surprised by a knock at the door, but it turns out to be a local woman returning a dropped baby glove. Unfortunately for her, she recognizes Franco from his art heyday. For the sake of his “family,” Franco invokes his past psychopath and takes off to take care of his fan, but his path is intercepted—first by Dante (who learned his locale from a boat charter) and some Mounties, then by Ava, Silas, Kiki, and Morgan. Franco holds the baby close to his chest to ensure nobody will shoot, but he eventually gives up his ruse, revealing he is only holding a bag of flour. Franco is placed under arrest by Dante. (Hello? Jurisdiction?)

Silas makes his way to Nina, who is cradling baby Jamie in her arms. Despite Nina seemingly having previously reconnected with reality, she is swayed by Silas’ trickery and ecstatic over the idea of becoming a family with him. Silas takes the baby, promising to be a family with Nina, but as soon as Ava enters, Silas gives Ava her daughter to hold for the first time. Nina completely breaks down, crying for “her daughter” as Morgan restrains her. As soon as Ava leaves the loft with the baby, Dante places her under arrest (Hello? Jurisdiction?) for Connie’s murder.

Alexis looks for Molly, desperate to tell her that Ric is still alive. She stops by the Quartermaine mansion, interrupting a cozy movie evening between Ned and Olivia. Alexis apologizes to Ned for defending Julian. She’s about ready to tell Molly the news when Anna informs her that Ric is missing from the Witness Protection Program. Alexis pays a shirtless Julian a visit in jail, accusing him of being behind Ric’s disappearance, but Julian has no information to share. He tries to be flirty, but she still shuts down his banter. Julian asks Alexis to defend him, but she’s determined to keep him out of her life.

Carly pays a visit to a battered Sonny in Pentonville. With a life sentence looming, Sonny opts to tell Carly that he is breaking all ties with her and will refuse any future visits. Carly pleads with Sonny to reconsider, citing her unwavering affection. She continues to blame Franco for the situation, but Sonny wants to accept responsibility for killing A.J. After the visit, Carly makes her way back to the Metro Court, where Carlos vows revenge for letting him sit in prison. Jakeson comes to Carly’s defense, bringing down Carlos and forcing him to apologize. And while Jakeson may make a truly awful martini, Carly offers him a job in hotel security. Based on his recent apparel, one would hope the wardrobe involves a black T-shirt.

Sonny’s mood is dark after his kiss-off visit with Carly, and Johnny doesn’t help matters by taunting him over his loss of outside power. Sonny takes a toothbrush shiv to Johnny’s neck, but doesn’t follow through with killing him. Johnny gloats that his outside enterprises are primed to take over the Jerome empire and plans to take Corinthos down next. Sonny balks at turning over control to Johnny, but his nemesis has an ace up his sleeve. Or, more to the fact, one Ric Lansing as his captive. Johnny promises to bring harm to Ric if Sonny doesn’t play by his rules.

Expression Of JoyThe Brady Bunch: Groovy! The Bradys: Ritual hugging Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.” Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you? The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…” The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been) Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!” Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?” The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical ProblemThe Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen. The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed. Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents. Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer. The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical SolutionThe Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens. The Bradys: Bobby gets married. Married…With Children: They hate him. Thirtysomething: If only we knew… The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

Attitude Toward SexThe Brady Bunch: Never heard of it The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it! Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No. Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident. The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses FightThe Brady Bunch: They don’t. The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens Married…With Children: Tooth and nail Thirtysomething: They stop talking The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into TroubleThe Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette. The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair. Married…With Children: By committing felonies Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket. The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.” The Bradys ”Next time, ask.” Married…With Children: By the authorities Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face. The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For FunThe Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon The Bradys: Has flashbacks Married…With Children: Exchanges insults Thirtysomething: Talks The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved MysteriesThe Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die? The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use? Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other? The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst BehaviorThe Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

Best Reason To WatchThe Brady Bunch: This is what life should be. The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now! Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it. Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life. The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To WatchThe Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses. The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now. Married…With Children: She has a point. Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real. The Flintstones: The Simpsons