Darkness took me, and I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and everyday was as long as a life age of death. But it is not the end, I found life in me... again...
!!! Discipline wanteD !!!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Flashback
7 weeks ago, freshly walked out 2 months end-of-year 3 holiday. Freshly
escaped from the smell of lemang and rendang during Eid, I was so glad I
had CH posting first! Whilst another half of the class started to worry
thinking about nightmares of meeting Mr. Ragu in HOSHAS and unexpected
so-called high demanding patients in Ampang Hospital.

Tampin is a
nice small town. Because dad is from Negeri Sembilan and I have
relatives there anyway, maybe that was the reason why this heart didn't
feel too heavy leaving Ampang to start a nomad life as a clinical
student.

Community Health is considered a laid back posting, more
relaxing compare to surgery or other disciplines. As I was unloading my
luggages a few days ago at Sri Pandan, a senior saw me and we had a
short chat.

It's
not always stress-free though, the atmosphere became tight and solemn
when it comes to meeting for almost every night discussing about
research and 'decoding' statistical components using SPSS, worrying and
thinking about back up plans when things went wrong with our surveys,
dealing with a lot of people to raise funds and organize our health
intervention day. Politicians, government agencies, public citizens. And
that's about all. Other than that life is heaven!

Melaka Wonderland

True enough.
Life in Tampin revolved around attachments at Pejabat Kesihatan Daerah,
visits to all the clinics; Klinik Kanak-Kanak Keperluan Khas, Klinik
Warga Emas, Klinik Desa, a week or so doing case study at Tampin
Hospital, home visits. The rest of it we spent times going back and
forth our research area.

If I were to enter data on our hours spent in Tampin into SPSS, computing output of variable with highest frequency would be

40% on the road30% doing attachments30% working on our research

The
40% on the road covers the to and fro journey from Tampin to our
research area at FELDA Pasir Besar which is 45 minutes away, travelling
from one small town to another to visit other Klinik Kesihatan or Klinik
Desa, plus our Jalan Time to Melaka Wonderland, hunting for the best
coconut shake in Melaka, lepaking at our friend's, and also wandering
around Melaka to search for potential sponsorships.

Being in Tampin, reality struck me!

Malaysia is so hot! Gosh I missed Aussie! (only in winter heh)

Here,
everyday is a free tanning session. Especially when things revolved
around our fieldwork. Walking from houses to houses when the UV light is at
its max! There was not a moment my transition glasses did not turn black
when we were outside! My advice to dear surgery friends who'll start CH
posting in another few weeks:

1) spare sunscreen in your bag2) umbrella or a cap could be helpful3)
don't take for granted even though it's said that you'll only have
questionnaire pretesting session, don't always expect it to be short and
shady!

But don't worry guys, apart from your complexion would get a few tones darker, CH posting is fun!

Charcoal Mask

I
missed my preclinical years. The eight to five schedule Monday to
Friday. The same routine might bore me but the temperature makes me feel
like I'd rather stay and sleep on campus not wanting to even step
outside the building!

Our dean's office at level 13 holds the
lowest temperature that's 16 degrees. And the rest of the floor stays at
22 degrees most. I missed my white fluffy sweater, something to cuddle underneath while taking a nap in the recreational room.

Comfy sofa in the recreational room

I missed my very own space in the lecture hall, my own locker to properly place all the textbooks.

In
the clinical phase, the wards are generally where you should be in.
Books? It's whatever you can fit into your white coat pocket.

Since
we'll rarely be on campus, there's no usual lepaking place in the
lecture hall like we used to have. Even stepping into the recreational
room, the place is always filled with new faces I've never seen before. As if I'm a
stranger. But somehow, some handsome looking juniors can brighten up my day.

I might have not yet experienced how bad it is being
the low of the low in the ward (this reminds me how hard my surgery
friends trying to cope), but imagine being a bimbo both at the hospital
and campus. Ouch!

Nevertheless I believe clinical years will be
awesome! And adventurous! And challenging! And maybe a little bit
tiring! And torturing, a little bit mentally exhausting, and
demoralizing. Erk.

I'm so anticipating to start my surgery posting! (Fingers crossed)

Ok. Maybe not so anticipating for now. But I'm pretty much sure I'll keep my fingers uncrossed in no time.

Sometimes I really need a smack in the head, a hard one! As a reminder that whatever I do, I do it for Him.

And
they were not enjoined anything except that they should serve Allah,
being sincere to Him in obedience, upright, and keep up prayer and pay
the poor-rate, and that is the right religion {98:5}

I am too
weak and small to survive the hereafter with my own effort. So I am
hoping and begging that a little contribution I'd do as a Muslim doctor
would be my best investment.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Have you read all my entries for the trip? No? Well that's expected. I know people don't usually pay full attention on what I'm writing. You won't be reading line by line carefully unless you're in an attempt to stalk me or you actually admire me secretly. And very rarely you are undeniably a real fan of this blog. Other than that, I suppose 80% of readers just scrolled down this page only looking at the photos.

But anyway. Keep on scrolling down if that's the only thing you feel like doing and keep reading if that makes you happy. I might gonna write a long entry.

It has been more than a month since I last updated the blog. And there were a lot of things happening that I'm dying to write about. But surprisingly I didn't because certain things that happened really required me to pull myself together. So I guess distance, time, and space are the best way out. I found this formula helpful and applicable to a lot of things, even in blogging.

Writing has always been my passion. I started writing diaries when I was 9 and kept them going for years. When I read back all the pieces, it reminds me how big I've grown, how strong I've become, how far I've stepped.

Why did I choose to write and keep all the diaries? Well, what do you do if you have a lot to tell but no one to tell it to? You write. And I wrote them down carefully, each and every single things that happened without fail.

As time goes by, I noticed I am writing less than I usually do. Even though I do not write for a living but just a hobby, but not writing makes me feel like something's missing.

I know I don't write so great and blogger is the only place I have to pour all my thoughts and rattles. This blog is one of the best virtual hang out 'place' I love among other social networking sites.

Truth is there were times when I thought to myself that I should stop updating for a while. It's when writing doesn't serve up its purpose to me right. It hurts my pride when I'm not myself. When I need to hold back what I really wanted to write about just because I need to please what others expect me to write. It sucks writing but when I read it over again I feel fake! Because there are things that I need to be careful with so people won't judge me or bash me. It feels so plastic when I'm unable to write my way because I know a lot of people are watching and I'm afraid my flaws would show. Silly me.

It happened sometimes. And when it does I decided to be on hiatus. I don't wanna write to impress people. I don't wanna write to let people see how good I am preaching on these and that.

I write because it's what I grow up with; papers and a pen. Later they were all translated to words via keyboard. Whatever I write might not reflect me as a whole. But it does reflect me to a certain extent.

What do you do if you have a lot to tell but no one to tell it to? You write.

At last am able to finish my entries. It
has been 2 months since my trip to Australia. There are a lot of reasons why I can’t
finish the posts very soon:

1.Been busy with clinical posting

2.The writing ‘spirit’ just won’t come

3.Internet was slow

4.Memories

Now
that I’ve passed my posting climax, I guess I’ve more free time to offer to my
long-abandoned blog (despite the slow internet still).

In order to complete writing, I needed to
go back clicking albums by albums. For 7 days trip to Aussie, let’s assume 200
pics were taken per day, and I collected at least photos from 6 cameras. Imagine
how many photos there are.

I am never good with memories. I’d go tachycardic
whenever I had flashback of things. Was it just me? Everytime I tried to, I can
never scroll them down completely. I hate the longing feeling of something,
somewhere or someone.

But I posted them all anyway. I wished I
could post more pics, but sure I can’t. Too many of them! I wonder if people
would still anticipate reading the posts or not. I kept telling myself that I
can’t start blogging on other things unless I finished writing bout the trip. And
since I’m over the busiest part of posting, why not.

For anyone out there who is still a fan of
this blog, keep reading. Truth is I missed writing. I really do. Just that
sometimes due to time constrain, well you know what I mean.

It was the day
we’ll fly back to Malaysia. Nothing much happening. Luggages packed, went down
for breakfast. Board our bus and off to the airport we went. Here’s the best
part. Since they say we can’t convert Australian coins to Malaysian ringgit, so
we collected all coins everybody have and spent them all for vending machine
snacks and drinks!

It was our
second last day in Sydney. We were told to get ready and have breakfast earlier
that usual because we’ll have a 3 hours journey next. Not a problem, never a
problem to wake up and get ready early because I can always sleep on the bus.

Bald Hill. The scenery
is spectacular. Though we did nothing but taking pictures, I guess that was
enough to make everybody happy. His creation is amazing. Subhanallah.

Then off we went
to Jervis Bay. Had lunch and take more pictures.

Pic of the day

Then we went
for the dolphin cruise.

The cruise was
extremely exciting! That moment when the dolphins came swimming near our boat,
it can’t be described with words. I can't stop smiling.

I shall say
visiting Medical Faculty of Sydney University is one of the main aims why we
came to Australia. But based on what I posted and all the places we went to,
people could easily misunderstand we were on a vacation and not a study trip.

University of Sydney

Had a briefing
by one of the professors, sat down for a talk on bedside teaching manner,
visited their clinical skill lab and then made our ways to Royal Prince Alfred
Hospital.

Royal Prince Alfred Hospital

Our written
itinerary ended by afternoon and we were free onwards on that day. My friends
went to walk around the city again. And this time I did follow them, but
funny how I can’t remember where I went and even funnier I can’t track down any
photos of what happened later that afternoon.

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