I Want To Shred The Gnar: 3 Reasons I Want To Be A Snowboarder

I Want To Shred The Gnar: 3 Reasons I Want To Be A Snowboarder

After watching the snowboarders in these Olympics, I think I've decided to compete in slope style as a 54 year -old housewife in 2018. I figure I can do it: I have the next 4 years to make the transformation to crunchy, to pick up some steez and 'tude and do everything I can to become a true Betty and not a lame poseur. And, oh yeah, I need to learn to snowboard and stomp my runs; there's no way I want to look like a gaper and garage sale out.

Here are the 3 reasons I want to be a snowboarder:

1. They've got their own language: Don't you love listening to them? If only I knew what they were saying! But here's the skinny (the truth): whether they are a grommet (young snowboarder) or a Pro Bro (professional rider), ride regular or goofy (right foot forward), are a Betty (female) or a Bro (male) they have created their own culture, are having a great time and, even if we don't understand them, they understand each other.

2. They've got awesome 'tude: (attitude). These people are the dreamers, the rule breakers, and the risk takers. They created their own sport, got it into the Olympics in half-pipe and now slope style and they entertain the hell out of us. They are such a pleasure to watch because unlike the intensity of ice skating with it's politics and crazy judging, or the sheer terror and insanity of downhill skiing, these guys remind us of youth and they just vibrate with the utter joy of competition.

3. They've got steez: (style) Snowboarders have created their own identities and style. They took the often staid and restricting look of skiers and started wearing baggies (loose pants) and boxy jackets, they added patterns and neon colors, grew their hair long, wore awesome goggles and made helmets crunchy (cool). Plus, these dudes are riding boards that are pieces of art.

So watch out, America, cuz I'm headed to the slopes. This Betty is putting on her baggies, to become an air dog, riding backside to carve on the corduroy. I plan to grind and grab new school but hopefully not do a tindy or a tailfish and end up looking like a gaper. I don't want to totally boag...

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