Let me start this by saying that there are five people in my house: myself, my ex-boyfriend Jeff, Upstairs Guy (UG), Downstairs Guy (DG), and the Annoying Chick (AC). Oh, and my kitten King Bowser Koopa lives here too, he just doesn’t pay rent. Of the five of us, I work part-time, am looking for more work, and have my new boyfriend Ryan over here quite a bit; Jeff is a full-time college student, part-time Army reservist, and has his new girlfriend over here often too; UG is an Engineering student who has a buddy over quite a bit, and is either on campus or locked in his room most of the time; DG is another Engineering student who seems to be in pretty much every club on campus, who is hardly ever home; and AC is a married student doing her Masters, whose husband lives a few hours away from here, and who is either on campus, locked away in her room, or annoying the ever-living shit out of me.

Got all that?

Good. Now, we’re all basically adults here. Ages here range from 20 to the late-30s I think. None of us are living away from our parents for the first time, and we all share certain common areas of the house together (living room, kitchen, dining room, and each floor has a shared bathroom). As adults, we should all be doing out share of the work around here, especially in the areas we share.

That being said, every now and then I feel compelled to make up a list of rules for this house. Nothing severe like a cleaning schedule: just some common-sense suggestions that no one seems to do around here anyway. Why? Well check out my list and see for yourself just what kind of brainless-fuckery I have to deal with here.*

If you need to blow snot rockets in the shower, go for it. Just don’t leave boogers all over the damn shower walls. If you must snot up our shower, at least have the decency to clean it every once and a while.

Garbage goes in garbage cans. It doesn’t belong in the recycling bins, on the counter tops, left on tables, tied up in little bags and left on the kitchen floor, or randomly tossed on the floor.

Recycling goes in recycling bins. Don’t know if you can recycle it? There’s a full list of what you can and can’t throw in there. Read it. Don’t put your fucking eggshells and broccoli stems with my pop cans!

If the garbage is full, take out the bag and put it in the big cans in the backyard. Then, put a new bag in the garbage can in the house. Simple, eh? I mean, it ain’t rocket surgery. Don’t leave the garbage can without a bag in it. Don’t pile garbage up so high in the bag that it spills everywhere just because you don’t want to take it out. Seriously, just don’t.

Again with the garbage…….. if you see a can without a bag in it, but a fucking bag in there! Don’t start throwing used Kleenex in a can, because then I just have to pick it all out when I change the garbage.

When food goes bad, throw it out.

Food goes bad, especially when you leave it for long periods of time.

No, putting your open can of tuna in a ziplock bag does not mean it can last months in the fridge without going bad. Throw that shit out.

I don’t care what your pubic hair looks like, as long as it’s either on you or flushed down the toilet. Don’t leave curly little gifts all over the bathroom, or the hallway floor.

Same goes for shit stains.

That’s just a quick sample of the things I need to somehow embroider and hang up randomly around my house. Do any of you have weird things your roommates do that annoys the crap out of you, Sunshine? Leave a comment telling me your strangest roommate annoyances! And hang in there…….. someday we’ll all be living that roommate-free life.

*note: I am not a saint, or completely innocent here. I do things that probably piss other people off around here. But as far as the cleaning goes, I do a good 80% of it here (with another 19.5% being done by my boyfriend who doesn’t even live here).