December 18, 2011

Burbed doesn’t spend enough time in the East Bay, and when we do, we’re accused of being mean to them. So let’s show them our Real Bay Area love, especially because there isn’t a lot of Real Bay Area to go around out there.

WOW!!! . .. .. .. FINALLY ON THE MARKET. .. .. .. .. . AND NO ZEROS MISSING FROM THE PRICE, THAT’S JUST $38,500. TOTAL AND YES IT’S IN CALIFORNIA. BUT YOU WILL NEED TO BRING YOUR CONTRACTOR AS THIS ONE IS A POSSIBLE SCRAPER.

Possible scraper. No bedrooms, no baths, and it’s a possible scraper. If you want to leave one of these walls standing you could call it a remodel instead. But for this price, you ought to get the pleasure of renting a bulldozer and destroying this place all by yourself.

You couldn’t do worse than these guys did. (Thanks to Burbed reader Michael Boltonestater for sending in that link.)

To be sold with Lot 274-35-075 Approx 11,600 sf total. Price is for both parcels. ADDRESS SHOULD BE 0 CHERRYSTONE DR. ACCESS TO PARCELS IS FROM THE CORNER OF BASCOM AVE & CHERRYSTONE DR. PARCEL 2 IS BEHIND PARCEL 1 THRU CHAIN LINK FENCE.

Here’s why Swan sent this vacant lot in:

This is a lot for sale in my neighborhood. The map link on the agent’s website does not take you to the correct location. Use Google Maps to map 2012 Cherrystone, San Jose 95128. The lot is next to the home, right along Bascom Ave. It’s a very long and skinny lot.

First, I can’t imagine anyone paying $298K for this though it does have *easy freeway access.* Second, the lot is 7500 square feet which is decent for our neighborhood, but I have no idea how you’d fit a house on this lot!

Nonsense, this is a fantastic opportunity. These parcels are in the thick of the teeming vitality that makes Silicon Valley such a Special place to live! Nothing could be finer than this location, location, location!

And wouldn’t you love to live on the corner of Cherrystone and Bascom, so convenient to the freeway! Why hasn’t this been snapped up ages ago? It includes a CHAIN LINK FENCE.

Don’t worry that the agent put the wrong address for the parcel into MLS and “corrected” it in the listing copy. That way it’s a secret private deal, just for you, or only those “in the know” who use Google. Kind of the way 0 Peachtree is a secret, private lot.

Maybe this listing is like the Mountain View three for one on Monday. In today’s case, it’s a BOGO. Or a BOGZ. Or if we label it for locality, since it’s in the United States, a BOG-US.

December 5, 2011

Did you ever shop at a warehouse club and have to buy three of something when one was all you needed? This listing, sent in by Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer, will make you feel like you’re caught in the gloomy caverns of Costco. Only it’s real estate, so it will cost more than $200 to pass GOogle.

THREE 2 BEDROOM 1 BATH HOMES ALL UPDATED IN WALKING DISTANCE TO DOWNTOWN MOUNTAIN VIEW. ALL HOMES HAVE THERE OWN GARAGES. AMPLE INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITIES . MATURE LAND CONVENIENTLY LOCATED TO CENTRAL EXPY AND 85 YET STILL PRIVATE. LIVE HERE AND RENT OUT OR RENT OUT ALL 3 ENJOY THE LOCAL TRAILS AT DAY & DINE DOWNTOWN AT NIGHT. BUYER TO VERIFY SF. EXPENSES BASED UPON SELLERS EST.

Take that, Palo Alto! This place is listed at a whopping $1736 a square foot! In your dreams beating this one!

I can’t understand why these bargain has been wasting away on Redfin for so long? Three different houses, if you get tired of one, then move into another one! Rent out one, two, or all 3!

Haven’t you always wanted to be a slumlord? This is your chance to get in at the ground level.

And talk about location, location, location? Just steps away from the train station!

You’re going to have to step across Central Expressway, but that will get you into great shape fast!

November 29, 2011

DEALS DEALS DEALS, we’re going to keep them coming all this week and next!

Today, the absolutely least expensive house for sale anywhere in Santa Cruz County! Santa Cruz isn’t that far from Google, provided you enjoy sitting in traffic on beautiful State Highway 17, or even better, Highway 9! Or maybe you found employment in Santa Cruz County as well. I hear those UC cops are making six figures if you enjoy baton twirling and pepper spraying.

Yesterday’s Alameda County special was quite a hot deal! How low we can go in Banana Slugville?

LOADS OF POTENTIAL FOR THE HANDY PERSON! AMPLE SIZED HOME WITH LARGE SIZED LIVING ROOM, KITCHEN, BATHROOM AND 3 ROOMS USED AS BEDROOMS(2 no closets) UPSTAIRS. DOWNSTAIRS HAS TWO BONUS ROOMS AND INTERIOR LAUNDRY WITH LARGE DECK OFF THE BACK OF THE HOME. LOCATED IN A FORESTED REDWOOD SETTING WITH END OF THE ROAD PRIVACY. CLOSE TO THE CUTE LITTLE TOWN OF BOULDER CREEK. AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY!

This place has potential all right. It’s in the mountains, which means you if you push it hard enough, it will realize its potential right away. Definitely an END OF THE ROAD OPPORTUNITY.

And in view of yesterday’s DEAL, I’m wondering if the street name is telling us how to maximize that POTENTIAL. Buy lots of insurance first!

November 28, 2011

Just because we’re looking at the best possible DEALS doesn’t mean we can’t look at homes all over the price map. For example, when you hear about places with asking prices over a million and a half, you’re thinking they’ve got to be in the Real Bay Area. But here on Burbed, we know that $1.5 million dollar homes can be found anywhere, because that’s what it means to have a Free Market! You are Free to ask any price you choose for your house, and everyone else is Free to tell you what they think of your brilliant idea.

Thanks very much to Burbed reader Tracy for this find in the beautiful Berryessa bivouac.

BEAUTIFUL ESTATE IN BEST LOCATION IN NORTH SAN JOSE BERRYESSA HILLS * HOME HAS A LARGE LOT OVER 1.25 ACRES – FULLY LANDSCAPE WITH FULL SIZE TENNIS COURT HOLLYWOOD CIRCULAR DRIVEWAY * PRIVATE GATE * HOME PACKED WITH BEAUTIFUL FEATURES FROM HARDWOOD FLOOR * ROMAN COLUMNS * MARBLE * LUXURIOUS BATHROOMS * CROWN MOLDING IMPRESSIVE STAIRCASE AND MUCH MORE

Too bad this house is on Camelot Drive. With all these columns it really ought to be on Great Caesar’s Ghost Circle, or perhaps Cassius Clay Court. Or maybe Camelot drive symbolizes the power of wishing prices. But then you have to worry about Mordred plotting against you behind the FULL SIZE TENNIS COURT HOLLYWOOD CIRCULAR DRIVEWAY.

And if you are wondering about the agent’s interesting approach toward the English language, Tracy sent me the listing copy from when the home was on the market before. (And it’s been listed three other times. According to Zillow the previous listing was for $1,788,950.)

Welcome to this elegant custom-built mansion. The immense formal entry will open to a colossal foyer which embraces any large social gatherings. A Sierra Heights Estate with balconies that overlook the spectacular city light, mountain, and valley views. Many Elegant Upgrades throughout the floor plan reveals the premium value of this home. 4-CAR Garage and many GUESS PARKING SPACES.

COMING SOON. WE DON?T KNOW THE PRICE YET. BANK OWNED! IF YOU’RE A SERIOUS BUYER CALL ANN 408-561-7539 OR E-MAIL SOLDBUYANN@GMAIL.COM FOR SHOWING & WRITE UP OFFER TODAY! IF THIS IS NOT THE HOUSE FOR YOU, WE HAVE OVER 50 MORE FORECLOSURE LISTINGS THAT WILL BE GOING ON THE MARKET/MLS SOON!Brokered AndAdvertised By: Ann ThaiListing Agent: Ann Thai

Here’s what Tracy had to say about this and some other similarly placed houses by this agent.

Yesterday I discovered a Zillow mystery. An Agent Ann Thai who advertises “ foreclosures to come” by listing the houses with no address, or no price. See “clayton rd, SJ CA # 95127 .” I found numerous postings by this realtor, all with the same MO. Not sure if it’s a scam, but something about it seems like a manipulation of the MLS system/ Zillow.

Let me know what you think if you have a chance. Is it wrong? I am wondering if I should call, but I have called these forclosuretors before and it was nothing but slime.

What do you think, readers? Is this nothing but slime? Couldn’t there be some sleaze and scum in the frothy mix as well? Tracy sent this in two weeks ago, so clearly this realtard has a looser definition of “soon” than most of us do. Kind of like “mañana” but without the sense of urgency.

Here are two more properties listed in the same way, but with addresses so you can check them out a little more. First we have a high-res, high visibility property in not-Campbell with a “potting shed.” The quotation marks say it all: something was spinning in there.

Each of these homes in turn link to Redfin pages saying “Foreclosed Home: Not for Sale” as you can verify yourself for both the Bascom Ave and Ortiz Ct properties. You can also get the full text on the Zillow links on each address, and most of it is an assurance that there are 50 MORE FORECLOSURE LISTINGS THAT WILL BE GOING ON THE MARKET/MLS SOON.

Also let us know how you do making a full asking price offer of a dollar on any of these winners! You could be featuring an even faster flip than the pros in Redwood City can manage, and we promise to give it plenty of Burbed love.

November 4, 2011

Remember when we took a good look at “Santa Row” to see how the prices were holding up? The original oughties buyers probably weren’t too happy with their investments in San Jose’s answer to the Faubourg Saint-Honoré district. (Paris’ response to that provocation is not printable.)

Burbed reader Petsmart Groomer has another Santana Row Spectacular for you today. Thanks very much for finding this amazing listing at a seriously WTF price.

Yes, do check them out, and tell us what this seller is thinking? Must be spending too much time at the bars conveniently just steps away! But if the previous owner could make a profit buying in 2005 and selling in 2008 at a 20% markup, the current seller has correctly figured it out: This Place Is Special. So Special that this bedroom at right can also function as an office and an exercise room!

And while you’re deciding whether you’d love to have the nightlife of San Jose combined with the traffic problems of living near the intersection of two major freeways, check out the $950 monthly HOA fees combined with needing court confirmation to buy this place. And to really appreciate the location, location, location of this home, today’s listing is in the complex right above Borders. Borders closed this Spring in advance of the whole chain shutting down.

THIS IS A WONDERFUL HOME! REGULAR SALE!! PLS E-MAIL TENANTS 1st. DARLING STARTER HOME IN MOUNTAIN VIEW. GREAT FOR A FIRST TIME BUYER OR INVESTOR. GOOD INT. LAYOUT, LG LIVING ROOM, EAT-IN KITCHEN, STAINLESS STEEL GAS COOKTOP and FRIDGE. WASHER and DRYER JUST INSIDE BACK DOOR ADJ TO KITCHEN. GOOD SIZED REAR YD WITH FLOWERING PLANTS AND A 2 CAR GARAGE

Wow, not only pending, but the agent yanked the photos and the description, like it’s off-market! Good thing I found the photos over on Trulia. Then I found the listing copy on Zillow (they say the listing has been removed).

Here’s what dollarbin had to say about the place.

Love the site, long time reader, first time caller. I think this listing might threaten 94040’s RBA status.

Chopped from $480K to $428K and now at the magic level of $399K. We live across the street and we toured the place when it first came on the market and it’s in pretty sad shape. The current tenants basically pile up their crap and dirty laundry on the beds and throw a blanket over it to “clean up”. That said, it’s one short block from this place that set somebody back $715K in 2010, I guess that’s the value in a little staging.

To be fair, 1846 is in 94041 and has Bubb elementary whereas 208 Escuela has Castro, but the Middle and High schools are the same.

Keep up the good work.

Oh come on, dollarbin, looks like by cleaning up half the living room, that was the staging. For tenants who clean up by throwing a blanket over everything, this is a bloody miracle.

Either that or all the dirty laundry is under the couches.

As of last Thursday (10/6) there was a sold tag on the for sale sign out front, I guess somebody was able to smell a bargain over the stench of pet urine. I wonder how long before we see it fixed up and back on the market?

Oh, they really should stay for a while. Look at all the next-door neighbors to meet!

NEARLY 1 ACRE of LAND (36,062 SF. ) THE PROPERTY HAS LOTS OF POTENTIAL. TRUE VALUE IS IN THE LAND. “REGULAR SALE”. A very rare finding property in San Jose—nearby lots of public amenities. “REGULAR SALE”! — OPPORTUNITY !!! OPPORTUNITY !!! OPPORTUNITY !!! MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.

Tired of living in a cooped-up apartment? Hate hearing neighbors through walls? Maybe you need some elbow room, and you’ll fit plenty of elbows here. Haven’t you heard? This is a very rare finding property. Also the agent is USING ALL CAPS because he can’t believe this one isn’t a short sale or REO.

That means faster turnaround time for YOU to MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE because the bank won’t be throwing roadblocks at you every step of the way. You can definitely make a lot of dreams come true with this much space, as long as your dream included South San Jose. But it says OPPORTUNITY !!! three times.

September 21, 2011

Howdy, Guest Editor sonarrat here for a record-breaking second listing in the same month! Well, I grew up in the South County area, and I still have a soft spot for that sleepy, oft-forgotten area between the IBM exit on Bailey Ave and the shortcut to I-5. As I drive on the gently winding road through the dead, lifeless and empty Coyote Valley or take the even less scenic route along the deserted Monterey Highway by the town of Coyote (pop. 121), I can’t help but feel like I’m coming home. It’s that warm and fuzzy feeling that you can’t explain, especially to anyone who grew up anywhere else. If you’re coming to shop, though, like a lot of people, you want to keep going past the Harley-Davidson dealership in Morgan Hill and make a beeline for sunny Gilroy, the self-proclaimed “Garlic Capitol of the World.”

Short Sale AS-IS Zoned R3!! Plans approved for a Duplex. LARGE LOT 10,000 SQ!! Developers Dream Large Lot and Lots of Potential!! Converted Garage!! DO NOT DISTURB TENANTS!!! POTENTIAL!!! LARGE LOT 10K Plans for two homes. LOT HAS R-3 ZONING!!! SHORT SALE Will need approval from Lender on SHORT SALE AS-IS ZONING R3 R3 R3 R3 Please DO NOT DISTURB OCCUPANTS!!! Lots of POTENTIAL!!!!!!!

OMFG!!!!! So, um, what we have here is clearly a very excitable realtor. But the listing bears closer inspection. After all, during your interminable drive down here, you will see a sign that reminds you of why you made the trek.

Yes sir, you drive a little and save a lot in Gilroy. That’s why, for the price of this lovely updated condo in a convenient San Jose neighborhood with high-rated schools, you can have a scraper in a blighted neighborhood, the main selling point of which is that you have the possibility of casting it off the face of the Earth and starting over again from scratch. Not, mind you, that anyone is questioning the value in Gilroy. This is a lot of house for the money, and a lot of flat usable land, too. And as an added bonus, you get to hear the same train tracks Steve Jobs does – the Caltrain station is just a few short blocks away! Not to mention a number of cafes where you can get your daily coffee or 15. In a subtle attempt to emphasize how much house you’re getting, the realtor included 9 vibrant photographs. Let’s have a look:

That’s what I call value for your money. One exposure, nine reasons why you should call Gilroy home! But wait – there must be some reason why the realtor is so amped up that his finger twitched nine times on the “post” button and forgot entirely to mention this is actually a legal duplex, address 345-355 W 8th St. People just don’t get this excited normally. Oh, what’s this?

The fastest flip in the West has competition! Or else the realtor’s head exploded and no one has bothered to remove the listing. Either way, you win at 345 W 8th St in Gilroy! Drive a little, save a lot!

Disclaimer

The posts on this weblog are provided "AS IS" with no warranties, and confer no rights. The opinions expressed herein are my own personal opinions and only represent the view of Burbed.com's editor. Comments are the views of commenters, not Burbed. If companies, properties, etc are mentioned on this blog, you should assume that I have a financial stake in them. Trust no one.