OOPS, we hosed up. We all hosed up and E3 is here again still. The rippling week-long fart from the industry wafts back in through the window. No Maddox style essays from me this year, and also, hey 90s kids remember maddox? I bet he's a poo poo person nowadays

The lightning in a bottle of Wii Music and Kinectimals is gone. It can no longer be recaptured. No Joel McHale, no laser tag, no luchadors. E3 (which stands for Everyone Eats Eggs) has become too safe and controlled for trainwrecks to happen anymore. It's all carefully prepared vertical slices and focused curation now. Let's reminisce about E3's better days with some old rear end gifs from previous threads because I'm loving lazy

E3 begins in less than 2 weeks.

All of the talk at E3 2017 was about three games: Mario Odyssey, Wolfenstein 2, and Assassins Creed Origins, and at least one of them was probably good. I literally can't remember anything else about last year's E3. Maybe it's because America was and continues to be literally in Hell and I was distracted. Or maybe it just really sucked

The live stream, which felt like it was ghostwritten by Eric Andre, featured drunk people shouting at each other, kaiju wrestling, Multibowl, and short films about dogs.

What did Microsoft even have? I guess Ori 2? Without kids pretending to fly through Disney Kinect or Jeremy doing a great job with the PS Move, it's hard to remember anything specific about E3 at this point.

It's the year before the PS5 is announced or whatever, so some games might disappear, only to resurface later as 'next-gen experiences'. There will also be a couple of teasers for next-gen games that show no gameplay but convince gamers that someone "won" E3.

Microsoft has to show that they have, well, anything beyond Forza and Crackdown. Sony has been coasting at this point, and Nintendo in general doesn't really give a gently caress.

EA PLAY 2018 (11AM PT)
E3 kicks off with the corporation that force pushed the loot box movement into a corner with the ire of politicians, Iger, and European countries reigning hellfire on them. This year they'll show you how much they've learned from the experience -- absolutely nothing and here's some more loot boxes.

JUNE 10

MICROSOFT (1PM PT)
Phil Spencer's here to tell you that this year, it's all about the gamers. We hear you LOUD AND CLEAR, gamers! Gamers gamers gamers gamers

BETHESDA (6:30PM PT)
We literally don't know anything about what Bethesda is showing at E3. Did they pre-pay for the stage a year ago and just forget? They're teasing something about Prey (maybe it's an actual advertising campaign), and people are convinced Starfield is a thing.

DEVOLVER (8 PM PT)
They saved E3 last year, how will they troll the world this year....

UBISOFT (1 PM PT)
Having finally broken free from the threat of the Viviendi acquisition, maybe this year Ubisoft will get back to their roots of throwing incredibly entertaining disaster parties on stage.

PC GAMING SHOW (3PM PDT)
PC Gamer has confirmed that the PC Gaming Show is returning to E3 for its 4th year, as it continues to search for its first viewer. It will have DRAKE'S CAKES (tm)

Geoff Keighley will host Youtube's E3 coverage again (which usually only runs one day). E3's official partner is Twitch so finding a stream there should be piss easy. As usual, Giant Bomb, Easy Allies, etc. will do live coverage. And Nintendo's Treehouse content will be both on Twitch and on their e3 website (e3.nintendo.com).

The 7th Guest fucked around with this message at Jun 5, 2018 around 19:25

It's gonna be really hosed up whatever year the PS5 gets announced since the 4 still feels "new" to me. Will probably finally cool it on wanting to be up with new gens, esp since getting the 4 already took me a bit.

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

It's gonna be really hosed up whatever year the PS5 gets announced since the 4 still feels "new" to me. Will probably finally cool it on wanting to be up with new gens, esp since getting the 4 already took me a bit.

It's up to 4 exclusives worth owning now so really it's time for a whole new generation or two.

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

E3 2018 is going to reveal games that are going places games have never gone before, and enhance the gaming experience with dynamic ecosystems that emphasize social interactivity over linear narratives. Gamers are going to love it, because with sharper graphics and faster frame rates, the envelope is constantly being pushed and blurring the line between reality and compelling fantasy worlds where the choices are endless.

Cream-of-Plenty fucked around with this message at Apr 27, 2018 around 09:14

anthem will be presented on stage to the sound of Good charlote’s ‘The anthem’, gamers will remember tge rebel yell of bioware and finally forgive the ending of mass effect3 and their childhoods end imo

It's gonna be really hosed up whatever year the PS5 gets announced since the 4 still feels "new" to me. Will probably finally cool it on wanting to be up with new gens, esp since getting the 4 already took me a bit.

Time for the yearly clickbait bonanza where journo slime who long ago had their love of games die track and complain about the ratio of dresses to blazer/tee/jeans combos on stage. Expect headlines like “We NEED more female presenters on stage to present lovely open world games. Here’s why it matters.”

We’ll also get the same complaints about boobs and violence, especially if some dingbat shoots some people before/during the event days. Trump will be invoked.

Now that folks seem to have really taken to heart the lessons taught by Witcher 3 (Horizon, Assassins Creed Origins, God of War) I am excited to see what the next big thing is going to be.
What I'm saying is CDPR is perfect please don't let me down

Nintendo Direct is the only thing I look forward to at E3 each year. I watch the Sony conference but it's usually got a lot of stuff I'm not interested in. I stopped caring about MS after the Xbox One came out, I do like watching those streams while other people commentate on them though, usually lots of sighs and jokes.

I'm sure there will be one or two surprises that pop up out of no where, there usually is.

Tyger Tyger, burning bright,
In the Direct of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame the joy of Sakurai?

gee this started off dour! I love E3 though even if last year's was mainly "lol we have nothing" from MS and a repeat of things coming soon from Sony. Ubisoft actually had a good year with AC Origins and Kingdom Battle so I expect more stuff related to DLC and support for their games from 2017. EA is going to be entertaining lol.

I feel like we're overdue new poo poo to show off for PS4 and Nintendo will be dropping some surprises. "Only 2018 games" could still mean anything since they announce things closer to release anyway. According to investor poo poo we'll probably see Fire Emblem and maybe a teaser of a new Pokemon.

Sony's 2016 E3 still stands out to me as the high benchmark with reveals for God of War, Spiderman, Detroit, Hideo Kojima's nightmare game, the incredible RE7 teaser including the "play tonight" demo, and Horizon footage. Maybe that's why 2017 felt so lackluster; it was a repeat but at least all of those will be out except Spiderman. I feel like this may be the year we get Death Stranding gameplay at long last, too.