Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Even More About Me Meme

Sometime last week Bi0nicw0man tagged me for another meme. Now you all know I love to go on and on about good old me so of course I'm going to comply with her kind request. I might even tag people at the end of it. But I do think it needs to be said that although I don't mind being tagged I do hate tagging... so if the actual "chain" aspect of these things is important to you then you might want to think twice before you tag me. I'm just sayin'...

Here goes...

Things you might not know about me:

1. I was... at 15 years old... a Charter Subscriber to Martha Stewart Living Magazine ... explains a lot now doesn't it?

2. My parents were married at 19 and separated by 26... they have both been married three times. My Father moved out of state when I was 12. My Mother kicked out my step-father of 11 years while I was on vacation and I never saw him again... he had been my primary caregiver... so you can see that it is completely understandable that I might have some control issues.

3. I went to NYU for both undergraduate and graduate school. When I was there Christy Turlington was also going there. She was taking a class with one of my best friends. One day at dinner some friends were asking him what she wore to class and he said "umm.. lets just say not what "Mrs F" was wearing today". I was of course wearing a pair of jeans (made for a very short fat man) and an oversized black tee shirt that said "Out Of Control" in crazy 80's neon green writing... both of which I had gotten back in Detroit at Value Village.

4. During the summer that I was 20 I went to live in Palo Alto, CA and worked the Bay Area farmer's markets for a crazy Greek family. They were completely out of control and manipulative. I worked from 6 AM to 11 PM EVERYday for $50 a day. I would do a market by myself.. meaning load up all the vegetables (including 60 lb boxes of potatoes and onions) and tents and tables on a flatbed pickup, put in the big metal rails to enclose the flat bed, drive this rickety old jalopy (often with no rearview mirrors) for up to an hour and then set everything up myself. It was no freaking joke! I was in the best shape of my life. I really enjoyed having such a physical job...it literally pushed me to the brink of what I was capable of doing. By the end of the summer I had some serious guns and was a goddamn BADASS!

5. Mr F and I met in dog training class back in Park Slope, Brooklyn. He thought I was 17 and training the family pet... I thought he was my age.. we were both 8 years off. In fact unbeknownst to me at the time I was the one who convinced him to finally end his "going nowhere" 4 year long relationship with my insightful words of wisdom.. "If you don't know by now if you want to live with her then you probably don't." (Now everyone should note that people always tell me the personal details of their lives... we didn't know each other outside of class at all... so I really wasn't fishing for anything I was just calling it like I see it) A few weeks later I ran into him totally assuming he would have moved in with her after all... only to find out they had broken up. We had our first date that night and saw each other EVERY day there after. Our common love of Dr Pepper and my overall weirdness bringing us together.

28 comments:

Holy COW Mrs. F, Where to begin?#1 does explain a lot. #2 is heartbreaking. #3, yay Value Village!!#4 ...so crazy. so awesome. so weird.#5, "He thought I was 17 and training the family pet..." lol!

I seriously LOVE when you get tagged. And although I don't even do meme's (the chain letter part of it-blech, and some I'd say yes to, others no, but I don't want to hurt feelings, so I just say no to all of them. Not that you needed to know that...) I love reading them.

ps, Spencer Riviera was one of your best friends? (I'm trying to replay Mr. Holland's Opus back in my head...)

to be perfectly honest... that is nothing compared to the shit that went down after that. There is a reason I've been in therapy the last 15 years of my life.

As for my step-father yes I was very close to him, he was the one who did most of the parenting (of me) when I was with them. He did the car pool and whatnot. My mom didn't seem to think kicking him out would have much of an effect on me (let's just say she has some issues.. one of them being extreme narcisissm). To say I was neglected and emotionally abused by her would be a pretty accurate description of my life at home. My step-father was one of the only people who stood up for me and bore witness to what was really going on.

After their divorceMy mother began dating an abusive alcoholic and heroine addict (yes people you read that right... and thankfully he is now dead) and shit really started to hit the fan.

When I was just out of highschool I was hospitalized for over 2 weeks due to gallbladder disease and pancreatitis.. she never stayed with me, eventhough I was in the peds ward where parents could stay... and I was VERY sick.

When I was in college she became suicidal and committed herself to a lock down ward. I had to come home and take care of my sister (age 12).. I found the house over run with mice (no exaggeration) literally all the kitchen drawers were filled with mouse poop... just disgusting. Oh did I mention that my mother's family is VERY wealthy and there was just plain no call for any of this!

During these years she would call me at school and tell me I was crazy and fat (I looked like I do now). So things can be strained ;) Although I work very hard to recognize that she is mentally ill and is doing the best she can. For the most part I am very forgiving and we *seem* to be close.. as in we talk and see each other frequently.. but it is not a normal parent/child relationship and I do not ask for nor want her advice on ANYTHING. We struggle with our boundaries and I try not to be disappointed but it is difficult for me. I just had a big blow up with her last week.

My Dad has his own issues. Life would probably have been better if I had lived with him. But he is also self-absorbed and has some issues with women being "controlling" and sees my confidence and competency as negatives. He did famously tell me (also while I was in college... those were some good years!) that he would be proud of me "if there was anything to be proud of." Seriously. During college it should be noted that I had a 4.0 and paid my own way through grad school where I also had a 4.0... oh and I majored in Social Work... yeah I was a real "bitch"... nothing to be proud of there.

We also have had some big blow ups. Now I just try to maintain an "above board" superficial.. see you twice a year.. style relationship. After the last time I told him off he has actully had a little more respect for me... we'll see. He does not like it that I wear the pants around here.

So that's about it. Sucky life. All the more reason marrying into Mr F's family.. with his parents not liking me so much... has been hard to take. I desperately wanted a new sane family.

I have one more question - So you've never seen your step-father since your mom kicked him out? That must be tough too. I've been very fortunate to have two stable, well-adjusted parents. Michelline's home life was a little rockier but nothing like yours. She also grew up with a step-father, although her relationship with him was not particularly close, they got along ok and he was her primary father-figure growing up. Her mom divorced him when we were in college, with good reason, and he pretty much dropped her after that. There was a little renaissance when he remarried but then he divorced again and moved away. I don't think he's spoken to her in years.

I should make it clear that when I say mentally ill.. I do mean technically mentally ill.. I believe my mother has a personality disorder. Those of you not in the mental health field might not know what that means. It means if you met her you would think she was normal... much like a functioning alcoholic.. my mother is a "functioning" insane person.This might have actually made my situation harder since people put a lot of stock in appearences.. and she knows how to appear normal for an audience.Other people with... less financial means ...who made the same choices would have had their children taken away. I know because that was part of what I had to do in my old job.

Katieo,"Does that explain the debilitating rodent phobia?"sadly no... which made the whole rodent thing even worse.. since I already was terrified.

Although in truth she never really made an effort to have a completely "mouse free" home (we did live in a farm house). But even as a little kid I had nightmares of walls covered in rats... don't know what to make of that. I was allowed to watch inappropriate TV so maybe some horror movie of some kind imbedded that image...

He called me once when I was staying there with my sister (his daughter) while my mom was in the mental ward. He told me to watch out for myself.

I think I saw him one time for a few minutes when he came to pick up my sister. But immediately following their separation he refused to see her for a while.

The way I think about it is he obviously has his own craziness or he would not have married my mother!

My dad divorced my stepmom (of 20 years) when I was in college. I really did think of her as a parent as well... but much like Michelline's stepdad she doesn't call me or see me anymore. That is sad too... I have 2 younger siblings from her.. and I am pretty close with them.

Very interesting, its no wonder you went into social work. I also have my master's in social work. I used to work in a mental health clinic and I think you have given me a pretty good DSM description of your mom. What type of social work did you practice? Do you think you would go back to it when the kids are in school full time?

It's a shame, because taken in the proper context, both Mrs F's mom and dad are great people—fun, funny, etc.—but they were not well-equipped to be parents, I suppose.

Her dad has his moments of brutal honesty that come off as cruel, or ARE cruel, yet he is one of the most sensitive men I've ever met at times. It's strange. I think he is reallly trying to do better.

Mrs. F and her mom end up having a peer-like or even reverse-parenting relationship rather than typical mother/daughter. And that is the only way they survive. They are close and talk constantly, but there is so much baggage lying about major falls and trips are inevitable. She, too, is trying, but falls into a trap of thinking things are better and reverting.

I get along very well with each of them, and despite all the obvious (to us) issues and drama, they can be easier to deal with than my completely repressed parents.

Mrs F and I strive constantly to make sure we NEVER repeat parenting behaviors from our childhoods and since our experiences are from such opposite ends of the spectrum, hopefully we are doing a good job raising our daughters in the middle.

I worked on the LES at a settlement house(Educational Alliance) in their outpatient mental health clinic. I have a CSW (or whatever that is called now). I was the primary therapist for a branch of the Bellvue School (ps106) that was housed in-house (k-6). So about 80% of my clients were SED kids and their families, and then some teens and adults from the neighborhood. I was pretty burnt out by the time we moved here (my life was a walk in the park compared to these kids) so I decided to get pregs and take a break. I would love to go back. In NY there is alot (or in my circles) of pressure to go to an analytic institute (I was in anaylsis for 5 years) and surprisingly there is a very good one here... but I'm not sure what direction I would want to go in. I always thought I'd want a private practice... but with so much time off I kind of think I'll have to start over from the begining. I have kept my licenses up (one in NY & one in MI). Clinical Social Workers can't do their own billing here though, you have to work under an MD.. MI has some of the worst SW advocacy :(

Mrs. F., what a life story. I can relate to your reverse parent like relationship with your mom. That's how it is with my mom. It wasn't until I had my own babies that I could see just how "not right" things were with my mom growing up. You seem like a pretty amazing woman to have grown up like you did and to become who you are...which I think is fantastic. There is so much more I would say, but it is hard to through email/message. See another reason I wish I lived near you (and you,too, Angie!:) ) By the way, on a completely different note, I, too, made the mistake of buying the plain flavored Horizon milk for my kids...I have 17 little milks sitting in my pantry. Oh yeah, I love the story of how you and Mr. F. met. That is great! Thanks for sharing all this stuff about yourself.

Ah, SED kids. I honestly don't know how some of their teachers can handle them day to day at our school! It always seems Mondays, and returning from long holiday breaks are extra active around school...and the orthopedically impaired kids are right there with them!

Okay, what is it with the Horizon milks? I took some for convenience sake on a weekend trip. DH swears the stuff is laced with cocaine. We've never seen our daughter so wound up. I ended up just throwing them out...I didn't want to accidently forget about their effect!

lol.. hadn't noticed the coke aspect ;)Did you have the chocolate or regular?The chocolate has a fair amount of sugar in it. But it makes the ride home from school tantrum free... so I don't really care!Julie and I both give the kids the chocolate milk... and we both bought a case of the regular milks (because I was feeling guilty about sending a chocolate milk to school for lunch only to pick her up and give her another on the way home!) only to have them rejected.

mrs. f., I live an hour west of Boston, MA, in a town called Groton. I lived in Boston for many years--about 14 years--before we decided to move out of the city after we had our first child...in fact, my husband had me and the boy signing on a house when i was still in a postpartum haze when my boy was about 5 weeks old (never mind that babyboy was 4 1/2 weeks EARLY! I think we both went a little bit crazy (or in my case, crazier) after we had a baby. All I remember of that time was suddenly i did not work anymore, I sat on the couch and breastfed continuously and when i wasn't doing that, i was packing while holding babyboy in a baby bjorn carrier. We actually moved again to another part of the state when my second boy was born...when he was about 6 months old. I think we thrive on stress. That time, I really DID feel like I was going crazy! Hey, maybe if I get pregnant again, we will move out your way. Oh wait, that's NOT going to happen...the pregnancy part. We love moving...no more kids though. We are all set with our 2 adorable, but WILD boys.

My in-laws live in Avon, CT.. near West Hartford. Mr F's family is all out in CT and MA... but more southern and central MA. Unfortunately due to "the strain" we don't head out too much. But when we do I'll come visit you and avoid them ;) We might be going to Cape Cod for a week in the summer... emphasis on the MIGHT

And thrive on stress?!?... Yes we can relate!And on the no more kids... Mr F was fixed while I was still pregs with Baby. I don't do pregnant real well and needed to be sure that it never happened again!

Yes, closer to NH...but sort of central MA. I'd love it if you and your Furious posse visited! You could use my place as a "safe house" from whatever family member you are visiting. Pretend I'm some old college buddy you have not seen in years (i wouldn't tell them that i am some person who comments on your blog that you have never seen in person or i believe that would feed "the strain" some more. I can just hear my mother now saying something like "you don't know if it is actually some predator like on that Dateline show" in her strong Boston accent:) )It IS funny how I have never met you in person and yet it seems natural to tell you to visit...aah...the power of a blog i guess. Briefly perused Mr. F's blog and definitely appreciate his fine northeast traits...good ol' fashioned liberal. Love it as we are, too. I'd have more time to read his blog if I worked. I'd just sit in my office and read blogs all day and comment. I could get away with it here if it weren't for those meddling kids (scooby doo reference of course.)

My in-laws live on cape cod. If you do go to the Cape, let me know. I would love to meet you all!

Have fun at Disney. You really look great in all 3 bathing suits so any you choose will work. I do love the new one that has not arrived yet. I have not ordered anything from that place yet, but i love their stuff.

Oh my god, that is so funny that Mr. F. was fixed WHILE you were pregnant with Baby! That's love I tell ya!

We are actually meeting with Chris & Michelline Howard when we are in Disney.. and we only met through my blog.. it is weird. When Mr F blogged and I didn't I just couldn't understand and I was always like "they aren't real friends"..now I totally get it. I think it is the everyday-ness. I talk with all you guys more than I talk to my actual friends and neighbors (not including Ang since she gets the best of both!). Would you send me an email to my mrsfurious at hotmail dot com address so I can have yours. We are probably booking our house next month and I have no idea which towns are good on the Cape. I could use some suggestions... plus then you'll get to know my real name... exciting stuff!

Enjoy but please keep this in mind...

Except when otherwise noted all recipes are the personal and creative property of Mrs Furious. Although you are welcome to cook them up and share them with your neighbor.... any attempt to reprint or profit from them is not permitted.