Hi nininora, Thank you for posting this! When I saw that there is a new one-shot on dementor kiss, I was really looking forward to read it, as in the books we never really saw what happened with these victims. So if you could maybe continue the story and tell about how will Sam's life be, that would be great! Does he end up permanently in Saint Mungo's? Is he able to learn simple things (like assotiations or routines)?
Also, the idea that the split soul joined with that of fetuses is very interesting, I would love to see an elaboration of how the life of these unborn babies will change due to this.
What was missing for me from the story is a timeframe, I could not really tell when and in what context this dementor attack happened. The description says it's next generation - so why was a dementor chasing them (if it is no longer the dark era of Voldemort)? Is it before removing dementors from Azkaban (under Kingsley Shacklebolt) and are Sam and Philip running away after commiting a crime? You really left me wonder, so I would be grateful to hear you thoughs on this :)

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for reading!
This story is going to follow the two unborn babies, but later on in their lives, as will be made clear when the other chapters are uploaded, so you will get to see the effect that the split soul has on them. In terms of Sam and Philip, we will get to see them again, but I won't say how just yet as I don't want to reveal too much.
In terms of time frame, the following chapters are about the time that Harry's children are at school, and this particular chapter is set not long after the battle of Hogwarts-as will be made apparent later on. This happens before the wizarding world is put right again and there are still dementors roaming about as the ministry hasn't yet been able to dispose of them all.
Thanks again for reading,
Nina

Hello nininora :) Hope your well, I was strolling through the “Other” category in the queue and though I would check out your first attempt at third person, which is one of my favorite POVs to write in!

Whelp, I google mapped where St. Ives is. You know as someone that uses St. Ives lotion, I’m happy to learn where the is happening and where it’s made-if it’s actually made there that is. Anyhow, I’m curious how you picked the location, unless I’m mistaken is the Burrow around there? Neat spot.

Aww it’s so sad. You gave us hope for a moment when Sam blinked, then snatched it away. I’m sitting here like, he’s a shell, now what?? I feel so bad from the brother-in-laws and best friends. Why were they out, why were they attacked? Where is Sam’s son and what is he going to do with a hollow father :( So sad. Such a random and awful things. I assume this happens after Voldemort released the Dementors from Azkaban, but I may be wrong. What if Sam is actually an escapee? And Phil helped him dash for it? *so many possibilities*

This is truly an interesting concept you’ve written about! Definitely made me think about the post-Kiss in a new way.

Some things I noticed/may be worth thinking about in future writing:

“Phillip,” Sam shouted as he stopped and turned. May be better as “Phillip!” I think it would let the reader know he’s yelling right away.

The formatting got spacey in some places, which I thought indicated a change in scene. Especially when it looked double or triple spaced (example: right before “Not willing to accept his fate. and the section where “Phillip got to his hands”.) I know formatting is not the easiest in the online tool, as I over/under paragraph break all the time when pasting from Word, but it’s something small to look for as larger bears tend to indicate a shift in the scene to readers, and this is super minor, so feel free to ignore my suggestion ;)

Overall I think you did a swell job with 3rd person! The emotions and scene were very clear. I felt terribly for them, the Kiss is such an awful thing to have happen to you (as you illustrate well).

Cheers!
-Ellie from the HPFF forums

Author's Response: Hi Ellie!
Thanks for the review :) To answer your question about why I chose St. Ives, it's because I've been there and know that it's a nice touristy place. Philip and Sam were supposed to be on a small holiday there, but I didn't make it very clear because I didn't want to distract from what was happening. I also wrote this as an idea for a longer story, but modified it when I came to a bit of a block of how to develop the story-but I will come back to it and will hopefully have some more ideas.

I know that the formatting can be a bit confusing when copying from Word, but I forgot to go back through and sort it all out before I submitted. Part of the reason why I format it the way I do in the Word document before posting is because it helps me to find specific pieces of information if I want to go back to recap something or change something (I know that there's a find tool, but I can never remember how I worded it).

All in all, thanks again for the review-hearing what readers think on how well I write or what I can do to improve does mean a lot to me, and I do always take it into consideration as I'm always looking to improving my writing. :)