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Sunday, September 27, 2009

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch …

I’ve spent so much time processing my emotions lately that I’ve sort of lost track of the story that I was telling. So I’m going to go back to where I left off, which was the end of October, 2008.

My therapist told me something that stuck with me, something that I have repeated probably a hundred times since I heard it. I was lamenting that my life seemed to be a never ending series of horrible mistakes.

“Now, I want to stop you right there, Jill,” he said. “I need to make sure you understand something about all this. You may have made a mistake, but God doesn’t make mistakes. This baby is unplanned, but it’s not a mistake.”

I have never forgotten those words. I was shamed a bit that my therapist, who is not a member of my church, could see something that should have been so obvious to me with my knowledge of God’s plan for His children. I thought about those words, and I knew that my therapist was right. God had a very specific purpose in sending me this baby. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew that there was a greater plan for me and for my unborn child.

From that moment on, I viewed my pregnancy as a blessing. I had made a mistake, yes. Don't think that I forgot for a moment the severity of my sin. But God can make ugly things beautiful, and out of my trespass had come the most wonderful blessing. I realized what an awesome responsibility pregnancy is. I resolved to take better care of myself - I had the opportunity to nurture the tiny body I was growing for one of God's precious children.

Me Me Me

My name is Jill. I had a baby girl, Roo, on July 7th, 2009. I handed her to her mommy and daddy on September 9th, 9 weeks later.
This blog is my attempt to make sense of things and it is my hope that when Roo is older, she'll read it, and maybe she'll understand.