Intercultural marriage. Multicultural Motherhood. Our life in India.

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Namaste

My name is Crystal.
I met my husband, DN, online, years ago. We married in June of 2015, and our daughter, Baby N, was born in August of 2016. My husband finally met our daughter, when we reunited in March.
This is the story of our journey - from successful LDR to blossoming family.

A Personal Reflection on Being Multicultural

I have had a lot of time lately to absorb many viewpoints on cultural appropriation, and reflect on them. So much has happened in our world, in these short few months. Life has seemed to carry me in the direction I wanted to be going, with little effort from me. Much like the current of a river. While I am happy good things are happening, I realize now is the best time to prepare a safe cushion to land on, for when the good things go bad. I’m not afraid to express my true experiences and emotions, in good an bad times. Perhaps that makes me more negative than I used to be, or to some, intolerable. The thing is… Honesty is the most raw form of my trust that I can offer you. Some days, my life and this blending of cultures is extremely rewarding, and some days, it’s not.

Before travelling to India, and before even meeting my husband, I was in love with cultures around the world. I experienced them in movies and media, but I wasn’t satisfied with simply seeing them on the screen, I wanted to know more about them. I began with my favorite at the time: Japanese culture. Of course I knew then, just as I know now, that no matter how much I read about culture, I would never know everything. These days I can say with confidence that no matter how much I studied Indian culture, nothing prepared me for the reality of Indian culture. But back then, things were simple. I was hungry for knowledge of culture and language. I wanted to know history. I wanted to dive deeply into the cultural riches that blossomed because of that history. I wanted to know ancient culture and modern culture. I wanted to know language and when, how, and why it changed. I wanted to know Japanese people, and what their ordinary life was like.

I indulged in my favorite parts of Japanese culture. Me and my best friend were spirited away into a world of vast cultural possibilities. We went to the Japanese culture festivals together. We looked up, and cooked recipes of Japanese ramen, treated ourselves to Japanese marble sodas, and grazed on pocky while we read our manga after doing our homework (or sometimes before). We found our true selves when we unapologetically expressed ourselves through modern Japanese culture. It was one of the most beautiful times of my life.

Aside from the unique taste of Japanese soda, we loved the sound the marble made, clinking against the glass when you drank.

I searched youtube for every free Japanese language lesson I could find. When I got my first job, I bought myself Japanese language books and flashcards. I signed up for an online pen-pal website, and made friends with a young boy named Aki who studied English, and a 50-year-old woman who was retired, lived with her daughter, and loved doing martial arts. They helped me study Japanese, and taught me what life was really like for an average Japanese person. I was ecstatic.

As the years progressed, my love for culture blossomed even more, as I began embracing my love for Chinese culture, Thai culture, Indian culture, and I even learned a bit about Irish culture, but more so historical Irish culture. My appetite for language grew insatiable. I found myself watching a variety of Asian movies, my favorite genre being Asian horror. I would challenge myself to distinguish which language the movie was in, just by listening to the words. I challenged myself to recognize the sounds of each language, and tried to learn words and phrases by listening. And I was good at it. My family and best friend were intrigued by my ability to know which language was being spoken, by simply listening to it.

I desperately wanted to plunge into these cultures by way of travel, and at the time, the impossibility of travel (combined with personal tragedies) is what caused my increasing love for culture to nearly halt.

Of course, at that time, I had no idea I would ever travel to India (though I wanted to travel anywhere, so badly). I had no idea I would marry an Indian man, and I had no idea I would be catapulted into the good and bad aspects of foreign culture.

Knowing what I know about culture now, do I think that young me was appropriating culture? No.
Knowing the bitter truths of a culture and living them, does not make me more entitled to express that culture. Simply because, culture does not, and never will belong to anyone. It belongs to everyone. Like history, like language, it is the memory of creation – of what already happened. To express culture is to take in history, is to learn a new language, is to think in a new perspective.

I used to think that Americans had no culture, that I had no culture. When I was young, I was naive in this way. I was very wrong. I learned my own culture by stepping away from it.

The relationship I have with my mother and sister, that is my culture. The way my grandmother is the matriarch of our family, that is my culture. What I eat in the morning, and my self-care routines, that is my culture. How I butter my toast, that is my culture. My attitude is my culture.

I learned another thing about culture, that I will never forget: My culture is different than my neighbor’s culture, which is different from their neighbor’s culture. Culture can be generalized to a degree, but it is also extremely individual.

If you love culture, learn it. Absorb it. Study it until you are weary. Learn everything you can. Learn the good, and search for the bad. If you can, travel, and experience that culture. Taste it, touch it, breathe it in. Make friends and memories. Above all, express yourself, even if it means expressing that culture. Unapologetically.

I was never wrong to express culture, and I think that no one is wrong for doing so.

Where the concept behind cultural appropriation goes wrong, is when innocent culture-loving people are being accused of “taking the culture but not the people”. Basically, there are some people out there who will use culture as fashion, and coincidentally, are also racist. But likely, if you truly love culture, you love its people too. So for anyone to cast this judgement over someone who loves culture, well, that is wrong. It’s pretty easy: Don’t assume you know something about culture – really research it. Be careful about how you express culture. If you know it’s bad (and it is) to wear a fake purple heart decoration or fake Pope’s hat, then, likewise, don’t wear a Native American headdress around town, or sport a monk’s robes for the fun of it.

Wearing a shirt that says “Otaku” or something cute in Japanese? Go for it. Wearing a bindi and bangles? Go get ’em tiger. The bindi IS a fashion accessory, despite it’s deep-rooted Hinduism origin.

You know, sometimes I cringe when I see people over-use the word “Namaste“. How little meaning it holds in India, is actually astounding. Though the word has a deep unspoken meaning, it is merely used for a greeting, most specifically with important people, elder relatives, and religious devotees. In India, it is taken lightly, but you will often notice foreigners overusing that word. Is that wrong? No. Think about it… They have taken the word “Namaste” for it’s deep-rooted meaning, and blissfully and meaningfully applied it to their every day life. It’s beautiful! Where most Indians don’t think twice about the greeting, some people say it with its full meaning. They will never be wrong for that.

So wear that henna. Sport that bindi. Show off that kimono. But go forth with knowledge and love of culture and people. Make this world a better place.

And as I said before, there are some issues with society that make it difficult for people of different cultures to express their own culture. (See my article: Cultural Appropriation: Its Validity and Problems it Presents) This is a situation that needs attention at the root of the problem: racism. It has nothing to do with the love of culture.

Me, age 14 or 15

I am multicultural. Not because I am married to an Indian man, but because I always have been multicultural. I will be multicultural unapologetically. If you care just as much for culture and people and language, then don’t stop, and don’t apologize. In this global world, where connection is the only way forward, there is no sense of entitlement.

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20 thoughts on “A Personal Reflection on Being Multicultural”

“I learned another thing about culture, that I will never forget. My culture is different than my neighbor’s culture, which is different from their neighbor’s culture. Culture can be generalized to a degree, but it is also extremely individual.”

Yes!! Thank you for saying this! Jumped for joy after reading this! Culture is very individual and it pisses me off how people (inside and outside of the United States) generalize cultures of entire groups of people. People need to understand this more. In the United States, if someone is wearing something that you think is part of another culture and you assume its cultural appropriation, you just might be wrong. Just because someone LOOKS like they belong to a certain culture, does not mean that they do not have other cultural roots. (Or maybe they are APPRECIATING a culture they do not necessarily belong to.)

It’s really great that you can connect with that phrase. Many people don’t realize this simple truth.
To be fair, our brain is responsible for naturally trying to categorize everything. So, to an extent, generalizations can be harmless – our brain’s way of taking common traits of an entire population of people. So yes, we can say that all cows eat grass, but some cows eat hay, and some cows prefer dry feed.
But with generalizations should come the wisdom that culture is fluid and changes with time, and that individuals will always have individual cultures. You can say, Indians like spicy food, and generally that is true… But on an individual level, many don’t actually like spicy food!
I hope you will also remember that nugget of wisdom. ♥ Though I am sure you had already learned it, in your own adventures.
Be well, Kate! ~

Appreciate the starting point being multicultural and continuing to explore a range of different cultural avenues. The more I travel, the more I discover how strong a global foundation I had growing up in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. A ‘city’ that doesn’t even have a million people yet embraced folks from all over. So yes, I knew what lumpia was same as latke! That said, I also know that flirting on the surface is not the same as living within a specific cultural environment day-in and day-out. Good post!

Beautiful article, Crystal. I f more people looked at the individual and actually learned things about them, they would find more common ground to build relationships on. They would then learn more facts about a culture instead of the generalizations we are given in movie, media and texts. I am really enjoying learning about India from your posts. Thank you for all your knowledge.

” I learned my own culture by stepping away from it.” That statement rang a bell. This article is amazingly enlightening. I really love the way you have put forth your views. Loving a cultural as well as it’s people comes naturally, and when it does, you embrace that culture in true sense. Coz its the people the culture exists. Keep up the good work, Crystal.

This is so beautifully written and is so true! I’ve really enjoyed reading your blogs and this is one of my favorites! If you have some time, I sent you a direct message on Instagram, and would love your input. God bless you and your family- Indian family and American family! 🙂

Oh, unfortunately my cell phone has stopped working, and I am unable to check my instagram messages. If you could send me a message over facebook, I would be able to see it and respond. 🙂http://facebook.com/foreignindianwife

It is not just other cultures but how much you know about your own culture. For example do you know that the Ramayana has been writeen in almost all languages of India. The orginal Ramayana was written in Sanskrit while all the others are basically retelling of the same tale. Then there are sanskrit plays based on Ramayana. There are Buddist and Jain Ramayana. Then there are Ramayanas in Indonesia, Thialand etc. Each author has used his own imagination to tell the story. There are thousands of Ramayanas floating around in different languages.

The Ramayana that we know off, is the Ramayana written in Hindi in the middle ages which is part of the folk lore. Then there was TV serial on Ramayana in the late eighties which further consolidated our understanding of the different characters. Some of the events attirbuted to the story were not even there in the orginal but we know what is being told to us and believe it.

Thus, one is not even fully aware of one’s own culture what to tell about other cultures. No where is it more true than in India where we have layer upon layer of culture for centuries.

Yeah! Spot on Crystal! My favourite food is Japanese, my favourite person in my life (other than my baby) is Indian, I’m best at cooking Italian, my favourite films are Serbian, I celebrate religious festivals from several different religions, my skirt I am wearing today is a traditional style from Morocco, I’m wearing both Celtic and Indian jewellery, I have art hanging in my home from Sri Lanka, China, India and the UK, my home is a boat from Holland, tonight when I go home I will watch an American TV series whilst I serve a traditional english pudding whilst listening to music from Jamaica. All of these things are from different cultures and all of these things are ME.

Hi Crystal. I read in your other post that you are a freelance content writer. One of my clients wants a good writer. It is mostly about Christmas celebrations, decorations and recipes. You have to compile a list with pictures and give a description.The pay is decent. Let me know if you are interested. You can reach me on email or FB. 🙂