For years, I kept my secret sins hidden until God busted them wide open in 2011. God used my public and private confessions to begin my healing and redemption. I learned that what happens behind closed doors at home, the church, the office, and everywhere else can "make or break us." God works in the Light (1 John 1:5)while evil thrives in darkness/secrecy (Ephesians 5:8-13). This is a blog about my journey.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

The 4 minute mile

The fact that Amy and I are "Adultery Survivors" is nothing short of a miracle. This reality has become clearer and clearer the more I ponder it, and the more we talk to others who know our story, and have their own story of redemption.

I have heard lots of stories of failed marriages due to adultery. I know why. I have also heard of marriages surviving, if only for a season (whether months or years), but not really thriving. I don't hear quite as often, though, of marriages surviving AND thriving, becoming closer than ever. I know it's possible and has happened in many, many couples, including my own marriage. Some you hear about publicly, many you don't.

I love hearing stories of couples who have endured the hardship of recovery. I am also saddened at the same time because I know their pain is very real, deep, and life-changing. I don't wish for anyone to experience such pain. I wish Amy and I didn't have that memory. Thankfully many of those memories are being exchanged (or at least weakened) by powerful, positive, and healing ones.

I recently heard the story of when the 4 minute mile record was broken. Here's a synopsis of the story I read online:

According to legend, experts said
for years that the human body was simply not capable of a 4-minute mile.
It wasn’t just dangerous; it was impossible.

Further legends hold that people had
tried for over a thousand years to break the barrier, even tying bulls
behind them to increase the incentive to do the impossible.

In the 1940′s, the mile record was
pushed to 4:01, where it stood for nine years, as runners struggled with the
idea that, just maybe, the experts had it right. Perhaps the human body
had reached its limit. It reminded me of adultery recovery, survival, and even thriving afterwards.

The breakthrough

On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister
broke the 4-minute barrier, running the distance in 3:59.4. As part of
his training, he relentlessly visualized the achievement in order to create a
sense of certainty in his mind and body.

Barely a year after Bannister’s
accomplishment, someone else ran a mile in under 4 minutes. Then some more runners did.Now, it’s almost
routine. Even strong high-schoolers today run 4-minute miles.

According to legend, experts said for years that the human body was simply not capable of a 4-minute mile. It wasn’t just dangerous; it was impossible.
Further legends hold that people had tried for over a thousand years to break the barrier, even tying bulls behind them to increase the incentive to do the impossible.
In the 1940′s, the mile record was pushed to 4:01, where it stood for
nine years, as runners struggled with the idea that, just maybe, the
experts had it right. Perhaps the human body had reached its limit.

The breakthrough

On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute barrier, running
the distance in 3:59.4. As part of his training, he relentlessly
visualized the achievement in order to create a sense of certainty in
his mind and body.Barely a year after Bannister’s accomplishment, someone else ran a mile in under 4 minutes. Then some more runners did.Now, it’s almost routine. Even strong high-schoolers today run 4-minute miles.
- See more at: http://www.nomeatathlete.com/4-minute-mile-certainty/#comments

This story is remarkable in and of itself. It took one man's victory and defying the odds to start an avalanche of success for thousands of others. It transcended what many said was impossible. It gave others confidence and hope, unlike ever before.

This story reminds me of adultery recovery. Too often people say, "I could never survive that!" Or, something similar that sends a message of despair and hopelessness. We even hear (and probably believe) that few survive such betrayal. I even said it at the beginning of this post!

You and I can either focus on the majority who don't make it, OR we can focus on the minority who do and learn from them. Amy and I have a story of hope to share. We have survived adultery and continue to work daily to heal, grow and thrive. We don't focus on the many who don't survive. We know it's painful. We try to HELP those who are tempted to give up and give in, though. We also try to stay positive and trust God's provision and grace. Apart from Christ, we can do nothing, including survive and thrive.

Not all marriages make it, much less ones who have experienced betrayal, among other things. You can either think and say, "I can't." Or, you can say, "I can't, but Christ can." I don't know why He spared our marriage. We are grateful none the less. We also know that some spouses choose NOT to do the work of being humbled, broken, repentant, and recovery over the long haul. This has a sad outcome, leaving the other spouse aching and having to move forward alone.

We want to be like Roger Bannsiter and the others who gave hope to people, except we want it to be through our marriage. We want people to praise God and trust Him more because of what He can do, despite our failures and sins. We want to turn the minority of "survivors" around and hear more and more stories of success and "thriving" as the rule, not the exception. It's a God-sized task that only He can pull off. He calls us to obey, trust, and follow His lead. Then, we participate and enjoy the outcome! His grace is sufficient.

According to legend, experts said for years that the human body was simply not capable of a 4-minute mile. It wasn’t just dangerous; it was impossible.
Further legends hold that people had tried for over a thousand years to break the barrier, even tying bulls behind them to increase the incentive to do the impossible.
In the 1940′s, the mile record was pushed to 4:01, where it stood for
nine years, as runners struggled with the idea that, just maybe, the
experts had it right. Perhaps the human body had reached its limit.

The breakthrough

On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute barrier, running
the distance in 3:59.4. As part of his training, he relentlessly
visualized the achievement in order to create a sense of certainty in
his mind and body.Barely a year after Bannister’s accomplishment, someone else ran a mile in under 4 minutes. Then some more runners did.Now, it’s almost routine. Even strong high-schoolers today run 4-minute miles.
- See more at: http://www.nomeatathlete.com/4-minute-mile-certainty/#comments

According to legend, experts said for years that the human body was simply not capable of a 4-minute mile. It wasn’t just dangerous; it was impossible.
Further legends hold that people had tried for over a thousand years to break the barrier, even tying bulls behind them to increase the incentive to do the impossible.
In the 1940′s, the mile record was pushed to 4:01, where it stood for
nine years, as runners struggled with the idea that, just maybe, the
experts had it right. Perhaps the human body had reached its limit.

The breakthrough

On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute barrier, running
the distance in 3:59.4. As part of his training, he relentlessly
visualized the achievement in order to create a sense of certainty in
his mind and body.Barely a year after Bannister’s accomplishment, someone else ran a mile in under 4 minutes. Then some more runners did.Now, it’s almost routine. Even strong high-schoolers today run 4-minute miles.
- See more at: http://www.nomeatathlete.com/4-minute-mile-certainty/#comments

According to legend, experts said for years that the human body was simply not capable of a 4-minute mile. It wasn’t just dangerous; it was impossible.
Further legends hold that people had tried for over a thousand years to break the barrier, even tying bulls behind them to increase the incentive to do the impossible.
In the 1940′s, the mile record was pushed to 4:01, where it stood for
nine years, as runners struggled with the idea that, just maybe, the
experts had it right. Perhaps the human body had reached its limit.

The breakthrough

On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute barrier, running
the distance in 3:59.4. As part of his training, he relentlessly
visualized the achievement in order to create a sense of certainty in
his mind and body.Barely a year after Bannister’s accomplishment, someone else ran a mile in under 4 minutes. Then some more runners did.Now, it’s almost routine. Even strong high-schoolers today run 4-minute miles.
- See more at: http://www.nomeatathlete.com/4-minute-mile-certainty/#comments

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About Me

Our goal is to help married couples and/or families walk in the Light of Christ's love, freedom, truth, and experience healing and wholeness, "for better or worse." God's design for marriage and the family is best but is counter-culture and won't come without a fight. Ephesians 3:20 (NIV).