I think I'd get them a card only next year, and if your nephew contacts you to complain, sweetly tell him "Why, Peter, Kay was so upset last year when we sent our usual cheesecake, we didn't want to stress her this year." No money. If they can't be bothered to thank you, don't feed the gimme pig.

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If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,Five things observe with care,To whom you speak,Of whom you speak,And how, and when, and where.Caroline Lake Ingalls

We respect the lady's choice ofliede-style. When they visited us last year, we took care to scout restaurants that can handle vegan diets. Happily, there are plenty of choices in our neighborhood. The last time we visited them, she introduced me to some awesome vegan cake.

Come to think of it, we have to think about our gift-giving in general. In the last few years, it's come to light that various family members are vegan, keep kosher, are lactose intolerant or gluten intolerant and some of their children have various nut allergies. Then there are older members with diabetes and cholesterol issues.

That's one of the reasons why the big family Thanksgiving has been abandoned. The only meal that everyone could eat would be steamed vegetables and a fruit salad for desert.

Because you tell them - I am vegetarian and have celiacs, I still serve meat and gluten in my house because others (including my family) eat them. I'd be entitled to be a little offended if someone, knowing my dietary restrictions, gave me beef wellington. (BTW if they sent it to my home for the family, oh well they can have it)

Which is what the OP did--he sent it to the whole family.

I personally would NOT be sending her a replacement gift this year. And next year, I'd check w/ my nephew: does *he* like the cheesecake? do the kids?

And if the answer is yes, I'd send the cheesecake addressed to him and the kids, and a small bag of some fancy nuts addressed to the wife alone.

I can't see how any rational person would believe the OP misstepped here. She gave her traditional gift, which was never refused before. The nephew's wife called to demand ANOTHER gift, which is a terrible etiquette breach in itself. But add to the fact that the OP also sent cash, which the wife neglected to mention and thank her for? AND that the wife is demanding MORE gifts, when she can't be bothered to send even a card to the OP? The wife is rudeness personified.

I can see supporting the wife's case if she politely addressed the OP to let her know that nuts would be more appreciated next year to support her veganism, but to not even be thankful for the cash gift she received? And demand more stuff that holiday? I'd cross her off my gift list without a second thought.

I agree with this. The nephew's wife has eaten this cheesecake at prior gatherings, ordered meat, ect so the OP had no reason to think there would be a problem with the gift. It takes a SS to fail to tell the OP that she is going to be a committed vegan in a polite way prior to the arrival of the gift, call after the gift to complain, not thank her for the cake, cash, or even just thinking of the family, and then demand a new gift. I think it takes real brass ones to do that while she NEVER so much as even sent a card the OP's way.

I don't think it would have been rude to tell nephew's wife that she seemed to enjoy the cheesecake in the past and that it would have been nice to be informed prior to having the gift sent out. I think the OP should cross them off her gift list for the future, but I do think her request of nuts is an appropriate gift, she sounds nutty.