Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Cosmopolitan magazine, every girl's guide to life, the universe, and everything, has a great article on Sex With A New Guy that gives a lot of useful pointers on sex in the real world:

"Getting intimate with a new person can be clumsy," says Chris Fariello, PhD, director of the Institute for Sex Therapy, in Philadelphia. You aren't completely comfortable with each other yet. Plus, there's so much at stake the first time — if the sex is bad, you could second-guess the budding relationship. These four rules will make it completely enjoyable.

Good advice here, and both men and women can benefit from it. But for those of us who like sex in virtual worlds as well as real, those who seek quality passionate moments in Second Life, the rules are a bit different. Here are my adaptations of those same "four rules" for SL.

Rule 1: Don't Jump the Gun
Foreplay is just as important in SL as in RL. But in the virtual setting the foreplay doesn't just begin in the moment that you jump on those pose balls, it starts from your first conversation. Treat every potential sex partner as you would like to be treated from day one, from that very first flirtatious exchange. If you go slow, the build up of desire and anticipation even before you get to the main act can be what takes you from ho- hum mutual masturbation to a mind-boggling connection.

Once you have (mutually) determined that you will hit the (virtual) sheets together, take a second or two to send little daily IMs (even if he is not on) just letting him know how much you are looking forward to the encounter. Emote things like I am imagining your hands on me right now, I want to whisper my fantasies in your ear, or When I see you log in my breath catches and heart begins to beat faster. The rule here is subtle. You know those explicit emotes the stripper on the pole in the club is throwing out at all the guys--you don't want to go there, yet. Save those for when you are at the main event.

And when the time comes, take the time to verbally undress for your partner and to verbally undress him (/me slips warm fingers into your waistband and unbuckles your belt. /me slips my blouse first off one shoulder then the other.)

Foreplay in SL is the verbal repartee that lets your partner know you find him (or her) desirable and can barely bear to wait, but also that s/he is worth waiting for.

Rule 2: Acknowledge Awkward Moments
In real life this is when the biology fails us. Nervousness makes hard things soft and wet things dry. In SL that is not where the problems arise (no pun intended). In virtual sex there are no biological failures, you are touching you and he is touching himself. However, communication is the key here and, let's face it, when we get excited we can often barely type, let alone spell, and there is no time for spell check in virtual sex! Then there is the issue of typing one-handed. Planning this scene out in your head beforehand can help. Even having a list of cut and paste emotes may be useful.

Using voice solves a number of those problems, but can raise others. One or both of you may be intimidated by dirty-talk out loud. If voice is no problem go for it, but be willing to do text if your partner expresses any discomfort. And if you finally do get to hear that sexy fellow's voice be prepared that it may not match the avatar! If you are going to get into voice keep it low and slow: you can cultivate a sexy voice even if you weren't born with one.

Through it all remember: you have to be willing to go with the flow! If all your emotes are about tying her to the bed and she wants to be on top, neither of you is going to have fun. This is a two-way conversation or you might as well be watching porn and doing it alone. Take some time to talk her (or him) slowly into your fantasy (see rule 1!). Let it develop for your partner by giving them time to react and respond. And listen--really listen--for your partner's reactions.

Rule 3: Say Something Nice
Let's face it, half the joy of good sex is when your partner gets off on it, too. It's the ubiquitous question: Was it good for you? We all want to please as much as we want to be pleased. (If you are one of the few to whom that doesn't matter you can quit reading now and go back to masturbating all alone.) For most of us feedback is a good thing, but on a first encounter you should always keep it simple and positive.

In SL, where you can't see facial and body reactions, feedback becomes even more critical. Tell your partner what you liked. Yes, you can also talk about what you each didn't like (later), but how much easier--and more pleasant to focus on the good. "OMG, baby, when you said _____ I had the most amazing _____" may be a bit over the top. Or not. Know your audience I always say. But a simple basic "I love that you are/said/did" lets your partner know that s/he is more than cartoon porn to you. In a virtual world we have to sometimes take an extra step or two to be "real" to each other. And we need to remember that orher cartoon in the bed is a real person with real feelings as well.

Rule 4: Hold Back from Getting Crazy Acrobatic
Now here is where SL really breaks away from reality. In SL you can be as bizarrely creative (and I have seen some bizarre pose balls) as the animations allow. But for your first time together, keeping it simple is a good idea. (Remember paragraph three in rule 2 above!) Take time to learn each others likes and dislikes, take time to talk about your desires, fantasies,and take time to learn your partner's tastes before you buy that vampire sex swing with the cream pie attachments.

Since genitals and sexual equipment is also virtual (as well as detachable, resizable, and available in a variety of species) there are some creative things you can do in your SL sex play. But again, for that first encounter, you may want to leave the 6' penis and the giant butterfly shaped clit in your inventory and just go with normal genitalia. Go slow. Once you get to know each other better there will be time for all the crazy sex games you can dream of. After all this is the place to do those things that are NPIRL (Not Possible in Real Life)!

That's it. Hope this advice has been useful. And I also hope you are having all the SL sex fun you can grab with both hands. Where else but in Second Life can you meet beautiful people, with whom you can connect on an intimate level of the mind, as well as having some good old fashioned sex-play with no RL biological consequences? So play nice, kids and share the toys!

Friday, June 11, 2010

"Marie Duplessis (January 15, 1824 - February 3, 1847) was a French courtesan and mistress to a number of prominent and wealthy men. She was the inspiration for Marguerite Gautier, the main character of La Dame aux Camélias by Alexandre Dumas the younger, one of Duplessis' lovers. Much of what is known about her has been derived from the literary persona and contemporary legends."

"Marie Duplessis was born Rose Alphonsine Plessis in 1824 at Nonant-le-Pin, Normandy, France. Her father became her de facto pimp when she was about 12 years old. At the age of 15, she moved to Paris where she found work in a dress shop."

"Duplessis was evidently an extremely attractive young woman, with a petite figure and an enchanting smile. By the time she was 16, she had become aware that prominent men were willing to give her money in exchange for her company in both private and social settings. She became a courtesan and learned to read, write, and to stay abreast of world events so as to be able to converse on these topics with her clients and at social functions. She also added the faux noble "Du" to her name."

"Duplessis was both a popular courtesan and the hostess of a salon, where politicians, writers, and artists gathered for stimulating conversation and socializing. She rode in the Bois de Boulogne and attended opera performances. She also had her portrait painted by Édouard Viénot."

"Duplessis was the mistress of Alexandre Dumas, between September 1844 and August 1845. Afterwards, she is believed to have become the mistress of composer Franz Liszt, who reportedly wished to live with her. Throughout her short life, her reputation as a discreet, intelligent, and witty lover was well known. She remained in the good graces of many of her benefactors even after her relationships with them had ended."

"Marie Duplessis died of tuberculosis at the age of 23 on February 5, 1847. Two of her former lovers, Swedish Count Von Stakelberg and French count Édouard de Perregaux, whom she had briefly married, were by her side. Within a few weeks of her death, her belongings were auctioned off to pay her debts. Still, her funeral in Montmartre cemetery was said to have been lavish, and attended by hundreds of people."

"Dumas' romantic novel La Dame aux Camélias appeared within a year. In the book, Dumas became 'Armand Duval' and Duplessis 'Marguerite Gautier'. "

"Adapted for the stage, La Dame aux Camélias premiered at the Theatre de Vaudeville in Paris, France on February 2, 1852. An instant success, Giuseppe Verdi immediately set about to put the story to music. His work became the 1853 opera La Traviata with the female protagonist 'Marguerite Gautier' renamed 'Violetta Valéry'."

"In the English-speaking world, La Dame aux Camélias became known as Camille and sixteen versions have been performed at Broadway theatres alone."

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Thorgal McGillivary is a DJ to die for. Eye-candy, I call him. He was working at Phat Cats the other day and when he IMed and asked if I wantd to come along to dance, How could I say no? Eat your hearts out, girls!

Went to Phat Cats on Monday because my friend Thorgal sent out an invite. Lovely place, great music, and elegant (if laggy) surroundings. Since Thor was busy dancing with Molly, I jumped on a pink ball with a nice looking fellow named Lawrence (for reasons you will see below, I am leaving off his last name, but just let me say he must be related to a certain Godfather). His profile gave his rez day back in 2006, so this was no noob--even though he acted like one.

We introduced ourselves and took a few sweeping turns around the floor when he asked: "How old are you?" I made some non-committal noises about never asking a lady her age, but next he wanted to know vital statistics: Height, weight, hair color, cup size. This took me a bit aback and at first I started answering: "Yes, real blonde, longish hair, 5'3" ... C cup, if you must know...." but he wouldn't stop. Wanted the age. Wanted the weight. While giving out those is not generally a problem for me it just bugged me that he kept pushing.

Hell, I had already handed him an RL photo of me that I have tucked in my SL photo album, but due to the lag he said it wouldn't rezz for him. I pointed out that this questioning was rude behavior in SL where many people prefer to keep RL info private and we are all an illusion anyway. I mean WTF?

I thought I might convince him that there is more to a person than looks so I told him I wanted answers to a couple questions, too. Asked about his favorite authors, books he's read, movies, music. Shared my own tastes in those departments--something he did not seem interested about at all. But he kept returning to age. Now I was getting pissed.

Eventually I said okay. Told him I was "born in the year of the Dragon." Took him a couple minutes to Wikipedia that, but then he came back with the date ranges for YotD over the last century and he wanted to know which Dragon: Fire, Wood, Water? By now I was so done with this that I told him was I born in 1904. And he still wouldn't quit pushing.

Finally I told him: "Assume I am either 1) Young, moderately pretty, and grossly overweight or that I am 2) older than you, gorgeous, and thin as a rail. You pick which you prefer." (Just for the curious, I do not fit either of those profiles--you can think of me as average!) That, too, was not good enough and he persisted with the questions. I finally thanked him for the dance, told him it had been interesting--because I had learned so much more about the man he was by his questions than he had learned from me. Jumped off the pose balls and left.

I am sure I will be back to Phat Cats, but you won't catch me dancing with Larry there (or anywhere else) ever again!