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Words of wisdom for commencement season

Christine Lagarde and Ayaan Hirsi Ali were missing from elite podiums, but there’s some inspiring advice in commencement season

Commencement is full of stories, from the podium and from students. Onyeka Ononye, centre, takes part in commencement exercises at Maryville College, Tennessee. Ononye went to an all-girl Nigerian school similar to the one where Islamic militant group Boko Haram kidnapped 300 students last month. (Saul Young / AP)

In this commencement season, more attention has been paid to which august invitees have withdrawn or been kicked off elite podiums. The list includes IMF head Christine Lagarde, who backed off from speaking at Smith College after a tedious student protest, and anti Islamist activist Ayaan Hirsi Ali, famously booted off the Brandeis University roster.

But soon we will be hearing what inspiring advice notables who did make it to the podium gave to grads who are usually obsessing more about the afterparties, or how to pay off their student debt. It’s their parents who hang off every word, hoping for a morsel of reassurance that their kid will eventually get a job and a life.

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I’ve sat through two very good — but not memorable — commencement speeches at my kids’ university graduations. But alas, I never had the experience of hearing commencement words of wisdom directed at me. In a rebellious mood, I skipped my high school graduation, and I dropped out of university after two years to take an enticing newspaper job.

How on earth have I have managed a long running career in a field I love without someone important urging me to follow my bliss, balance my life, savour the moment, have (or forget) a five year plan?

It makes me wonder what indispensible advice I would give graduates today. Of course I’d love to go for soaring oratory — but a few practical pointers might be far more useful.

First I would tell you — and your parents — not to worry. Some of you will be very successful — it’s the law of averages. And most of you will eventually earn a satisfactory living, despite the gloom about your hard economic luck. Entire generations before you — in the 1980s and 1990s — were called a lost generation and they turned out fine.

Author Po Bronson calls choosing the work you want to do “one of life’s great dramas,” and adds “Don’t cling to a single scenario, allow yourself many paths to the same destination.”

When you find the work you want to do, remember attitude matters as much as aptitude. I wasted precious time in my twenties being arrogant about my talent and whining about what I thought were hard working conditions, but was really just hard work. You have to work hard — there is no way out of that one.

And if you love your job every day, you’re living a miracle. Your relationship with work will be as complicated as your love relationships. It’s easy to say that if this were your last day on earth and you’re not doing what you love, there’s something wrong. But such sentiments do not pay the rent. There’s also nobility in surviving economically.

The other major decision you will make is choosing a life partner. How happy –and successful — you will be are equally influenced by both decisions. If you’re a woman, look for a man who loves smart, successful women. If you’re a straight man, look for a good female provider. Kidding! (Sort of.)

Limit the time you live with your parents. (Half of you are back at home, so no sense saying don’t.) As soon as you can, get out and start paying for the roof over your head. That alone will give you confidence.

A good personal finance seminar may matter more to your future than any inspiring quote from Thoreau or Churchill, unless either of them said “paying only the minimum on your credit card is a profoundly idiotic thing to do.”

I recently went to a finance seminar at Ryerson’s Chang School of Continuing Education given by my colleague the Star’s Ellen Roseman, and I asked her on behalf of all twenty somethings who were too busy to come with me, which was better — a tax free savings account or an RSP. She said both were fine. But all studies show not surprisingly that the earlier you start to save, the more the habit will be ingrained, and obviously the more savings you will have. It matters when you start. Small amounts are fine.

Forget how you grew up, get your head around renting, even when you start a family. That way buying a house will seem like a privilege you’ve earned, not a right.

Schedule coffee dates with your parents’ contacts who have successful careers, to get a pep talk if nothing else. Many of them can easily see your shining strengths. And sometimes you can hear a home truth more easily from them than from your well-meaning but anxious parents.

In personal terms, strive every day to be resilient, generous, empathic, to act with integrity. Do your best to keep envy at bay. Some friends will leapfrog ahead. Don’t resent their early success. As comic author Carrie Fisher says, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Instead, make their success work for you — do they know someone who can help you?

You can be the change you want to be (Gandhi) but don’t forget to exercise regularly (Mom). Both will give your life vitality and purpose.

And please stop saying “to be perfectly honest.” Everyone in your generation does, it’s leaked into the mainstream, and I would like to assume your honesty is a given.

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