Damn, people! Hello! Flashback: four months ago I was so mad at you for sending me a million spams that I cancelled this column. I had had enough, you know? I don’t need a Jackrabbit Fatboy or a blurry .gif of drug prices. I don’t care if some dude named Dr. Nigel Atwassa can’t get to his money. I’m a busy man, and at one point I just snapped. I didn’t even talk to my friends for like three days, I was so bugged. I mainly ordered in or cooked out of the pantry.

But I’m back, blochachos!You can’t keep a peppy man down, and I am all kinds of peppy. I got pep sittin’ on pallets, I got so much saved up. I had to have a kid come and box and index all of my pep. Oh, I paid him. And I think he’ll tell you: I was lookin’ mighty peppy as I wrote that check. I even busted out a classic move and put a little line through the vertical part of the “7.”

The upshot, beyond my great new peppy demeanor, is that I am startin’ the advice column again! Now, don’t get excited — I get way too many questions to ever answer, and I probably won’t get to yours, but if I do choose to help you, you can be sure that I put a lot of time into personally thinking about you.

So, go ahead. Send your problem my way - ray(at)achewood.com. I got a massive new spam filter and had the boys down at NASA test it out with some of their databases, it works great. (I have a friend at NASA — total genius.)