Administration unveils new doctrine

WASHINGTON (Rooters agency) – The administration of President Ronald Dump has announced a foreign policy initiative that political observers are already calling the Dump Doctrine.

While more details may be filled in over time, in broad outlines the Doctrine can be summarized as declaring: If something bad happens, it’s someone else’s fault, not mine.

In an unprecedented public statement – it wasn’t a tweet – the President responded to the latest atrocities in Syria by saying, “It’s all the fault of my predecessor, so-called President Barack Africa. If he had fixed things in that country, things would be okay now. But he didn’t. And they’re not. His fault foreign policy is so complicated like nobody ever knew. Even me.

“But don’t worry. I will fix everything immediately, just wait. And wait. And wait. First day in office.”

Secretary of State Rexxon Pillager expanded on the Doctrine when referring to the test launch of a ballistic missile by North Korean dictator Kim Jung-il Jim: “We’ve said enough about these problems. Now it’s the turn of previous administrations to say something. And anyway, Koreans don’t have any oil.”

Some commentators have suggested that the Dump Doctrine may be applied domestically as well as in foreign policy. Indeed, it can be argued that it was first developed and applied in the aftermath of the defeat of Don’tcare, the President’s effort to “resent and reflate” the health care law of the previous administration.

After Congressional opposition to Don’tcare forced administration supporters to withdraw the legislation, President Dump blamed not only Democrats but also “all those jerks in the Frenetic Caucus. If you all die before the end of my presidency, you’ll know who to blame.”