Subscribe

The Most Embarrassing Purchase at a Grocery Store

A long time ago, before I had the power to create polls on the blog, I posited that the most embarrassing single item you could buy at a grocery store was a plunger. I say “single item” because if you cushion the plunger purchase with other every day purchases, it doesn’t stand out as much. But if you march into the grocery store, pay for a plunger, and march out, people know what you need it for: you have a toilet clogged with poop.

I’ve created a list of 8 embarrassing items you can purchase at a grocery store. Some are unisex, others only pertain to one gender, but all can be purchased by a willing boyfriend or girfriend. Feel free to add other items in the comments section–if you post soon enough, I may add them to the official poll.

I have to say, I don’t know that I’m particularly embarrassed by any of those purchases. Maybe it’s my personality, but I don’t really care what the cashier, or anyone at the grocery store, sees me buy.

To date, though, my most embarrassing purchase was at an adult store in a shady section of Dallas, and the purchase itself was a magazine of cowboy pornography.

Pornography would be pretty embarrassing, but I don’t think you can buy that at a grocery store. I’m guessing there’s a story behind why you were buying porn in Dallas? Perhaps an ill-advised scavenger hunt?

Reminds me of a Simpson’s scene, which I went and found, and discovered that it is aparently an homage to a scene in American Grafiti.
Homer: “Let me have one of those porno magazines… large box of condoms… a bottle of Old Harper… a couple of those panty shields… and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two.”

Great poll! I’ve bought most things on that list at one point or another. I think most points have been covered, so I just have one piece of advice. For anything you’re embarrassed to buy, Schnuck’s can be a safe haven–just take it through the self-purchase line, then you won’t have a washed up 47-year-old woman named Charlie (who does that to a little girl?) shaking her head disapprovingly at you while she processes the 11 boxes of condoms (what? if you’re going to buy them, might as well stock up) or the maximum strength dulcolax. That’s right, just put whatever it is under a box of cereal and go through the self check out. You’re golden.

Excellent point, Trev. I especially like the line about the 11 boxes of condoms.

The one counterpoint I’d make is that there is a person who works the self-checkout section, and they have nothing to do but look at what people are buying. You think they don’t notice, but they do. Just the other day as I was walking away, the guy said, “I guess you really did get milk.” I was like, “What?” And he said, “Your shirt. ‘Got milk.'” Indeed, I was wearing a t-shirt that said “Got milk?”

So yeah, they’re watching, judging, observing, thinking of those rare opportunities when they get to make a comment.