Remember that you don't know why those books are on the shelf. I have a Book of Mormon that was given to me years ago. I only keep it because I find Mormonism so totally bizarre. Also, the books you would see on my shelf do not include many of my favorites, because I often give those away to friends. Also, you might find several books on a topic that I was interested in but no longer am.

The feelings are not fair and unfair -- he just has them. And hopefully you can convince (using some of the ideas redditors have suggested) that he really doesn't have anything to be worried about.

But his asking you to stop is unfair. And even if you did stop, I think his insecurity would keep gnawing at him. After all, he would know that you would be watching it if you could. So the key is to help him get over the insecurities.

"She seems super regretful but I have so many questions that idk how to ask or wanna ask."

I think it's very important for you to ask all of those questions. I think you and she should talk a LOT. You need to understand (as well as you can) why this happened, how she feels about it, etc. I think it's important for you to know even if you end up breaking up -- she's been an important part of your life.

I'm not making excuses for her, but it could be that this points to something that has been missing in your relationship. If so, and if you two can figure it out, there is the possibility of your relationship
being better than ever.

I'm speaking here from experience. My SO (wife, actually) did cheat (many years ago), but we stayed together. And (as painful as it was), our relationship did get better than ever from things we learned as a result of that episode. I'm VERY glad I did not break up with her.

"I have ALOT of trouble showing or expressing my emotions."

I was exactly the same! This is something you need to change, but
you can, and you and your partner (whoever that turns out to be) will really enjoy the change!

To me, that is not a good reason. If she's a girl worth your caring about, she'll be fine if you're a bit awkward the first few times. She may even enjoy the process! Just don't pretend to be something you aren't.

It's great that you enjoy sex so much even without orgasm. But you're in for a real treat once you figure out how to come. My wife and I were in the situation you describe, but then someone gave her a Hitachi wand. Immediately she could orgasm (in fact, multiple times.) Now we use it all the time. It's great--there are positions where I can be in her while she's using the wand. Before trying the wand, however, you could try touching your clit during PIV. (Very few women can come from PIV alone.) As for pain during penetration: are you using enough lube? We've recently discovered coconut oil, which is really great.

I think it is very important for you to find out EXACTLY how he feels and why. No one on reddit can tell you that -- only he can. Tell him you'd like to understand exactly how he feels, and so you'd like to ask him a lot of questions, and that you won't agree or disagree with anything he says until later -- that first you want ALL the focus to be on what he's feeling (and not your reactions to those feelings.) For example, you might ask: if he felt absolutely positive that you would have no interest in doing it in real life, would he still be bothered by it? What if he thought you might enjoy it if it were to happen, but he was absolutely sure you that you did not want it to happen, would he be upset?
Would he have been as upset if it the people involved were imaginary, rather than people in the building? You could also ask if he ever has fantasies. Does he sometimes have fantasies involving real people? Does he think those fantasies would upset you if you knew about them?
You could also ask about other fantasies (whether or not those fantasies actually appeal to you.) For example, if you were turned on the idea of sex with a horse (for example), would he be upset that? If so, why? What aspect of it upsets him? What about sex with a centaur? What about sex with him, but with another woman watching and getting turned on? With another man watching and getting turned on?

Of course his answer to one question may raise another question. If so, ask! Your goal is to find out exactly how he feels about fantasies (maybe about other things as well.)

You two seem to be at an impasse. You might ask him if he wants to be over the impasse. Does he look forward to a time when you and he can have sex again? Can he think anything sensual it would be nice to do in the meantime (Cuddling? Cuddling when naked? ...?) Can he think of anything that might help you and him to get over the impasse?

During the process, resist any temptation to try to reassure him. If necessary, just tell him that you don't want to try do that until you have a thorough understanding of how he feels.

Also resist the temptation to give your answers to the questions -- he can ask you about your feelings later.

People like to be understood! So he will like the fact that you want to understand him. He will like it even more if at the end he thinks you DO understand him.

There was a period of more than a year when my gf and I were fighting all the time. There was something that she was upset/fearful about, and it seemed that nothing I could say could reassure her. But then I went through the process above (for an hour or so). At the end, I could talk with her in a MUCH more meaningful way than before. Basically, that one conversation put a complete end to the problem. Before, if I told her "you don't have anything to worry about", she wasn't convinced. But after she knew I really understood her worries, then suddenly my reassurances became much more meaningful.

I don't agree that this casts doubt on OP's straightness. Maybe he had his eyes closed and was fantasizing about a woman? In that case, would what he did make him any less straight than using a fleshlight, for example? Regardless of labels, I'm glad he enjoyed the experience!

One more thing: it will take a while (maybe a long while?) for you to heal (whether or not you two stay together). But you will heal! Though it was incredibly painful for me at the time, now I don't feel the least bit scarred by it, or that our relationship is the least bit tainted, etc. Indeed, I can even say that I'm grateful that it happened because (as I said) it ultimately resulted in things getting better than ever. And I grew (by learning to express my emotions) in ways that have helped me across the board. For example, I think I'm a much better father than I would have been if that episode had never occurred.

I'm a straight guy, but being bi makes more sense to me. Why should I find oral sex (for example) appealing if performed by a woman but not if performed by a man? After all, I can enjoy a (nonsexual) massage from either.

To those people who emphatically agree with Russell: is your knowledge of history really adequate to let you evaluate such a sweeping claim? (Mine sure as hell isn't.) Two important possible counterexamples come to mind: (1) I believe the campaign to abolish slavery was to a large extent a religious one. For example, Bishop Wilberforce (the one who debated Huxley about evolution) was extremely active in that regard.
(2) Likewise I think many churches were heavily involved in pushing for civil rights for blacks in the 60s. (I'm not sure to what extent it was individual religious people such as MLK, jr and William Sloane Coffin, for example, rather than churches as institutions.)

(On the other side: someone mentioned the quaker opposition to slavery. I think that's a very good example, but when Russell writes "the Christian religion, as organised in its churches", maybe he means to exclude groups such as the quakers who don't have any kind of church hierarchy.)

You just have to find someone with compatible likes. Some guys love BJs,
others don't particularly care for them. Your attitude on porn seems more likely to be problematic. It's one thing for you not to want to watch it, another thing to think it's unacceptable for him to watch it. But maybe you can find someone who either doesn't like it or doesn't mind forgoing it.

"The second option would be to swallow my pride and buy a vibrator or one of those vibrating ring things and use it on her." Stop seeing it as a reflection on you (it isn't). Get the toys and have a good time!