“Susan, if you would just settle, you would be so much happier.”

No, of course not. I don’t know anyone that stupid who would talk to me like that. They know I would pop them, right in the face if they were that direct.

But that doesn’t mean the idea hasn’t been said to me in various forms, often hidden behind their own desire to take from me without giving.

So, let’s count the ways that I have been so difficult and stubborn and refused to settle. Let me tell you all the ways I have been a horrible person in not settling and therefore allegedly giving up all types of happiness.

I refused to settle – twice – with married men that thought if I would just relent and “go with the flow” I would have everything I ever wanted. A condo, credit cards, a new wardrobe, etc. Then there was the one that tried to explain to me how no one would get hurt and there really wasn’t anything wrong with it.

I asked him why would I do that and he said I just needed to take what was offered until something better came along.

In other words, just settle for now.

Rule #1 to happiness – you can never be happy if you put your integrity up for sale.

If this should ever happen again, I am going to get real friendly with him, get his phone number and call his wife.

Anyone who knows me will not doubt that last statement. Ever.

Then there was the time someone wanted me to compromise with my feelings about someone I hated. It was explained to me in great detail how wrong I was and that I was being unkind, unreasonable and unfair. He was a wonderful man, helped lots of people and the problem was me. I was the bitch. I needed to see things differently and I needed to change my mind.

I refused.

He was later arrested and convicted for child molestation.

I knew something was wrong. Just didn’t know what it was.

Or how about the man who showed me a huge diamond ring and told me it could mine if I “played my cards right.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Go out with me and we’ll see what happens.”

“But I don’t like you.”

“That’s OK, you will,” he said as he slammed down his 7th drink that night.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“You’re making a big mistake. You need to face reality. At your age, what are the chances of you finding anyone but me to pay you any attention. You’re past your prime,” he said and ordered another drink.

I finished my drink and stood up. “You’re the one that needs to face reality, not me,” I said and walked out. His words stung, but I refused to show it. I walked to my car, got in and cried. Then I got angry, slammed my fist into the dashboard and patted myself on the back.

I hadn’t settled and I was happy.

Rule #2 to happiness – Always be true to yourself, no matter what anyone says. (Extra points if doing so pisses people off.)

“Susan, I’ll pay you more if you’ll stay here.”

I scratched my head. “Dennis, I’ve been working here for 6 months and NOW you offer me a raise? Because someone else now wants to hire me? Why didn’t you give me the raise because I earned it?”

He sighed. I could not stand him and had been looking for work elsewhere. I didn’t have many options. I had no college degree, I was recently divorced and having financial difficulties, but I needed the job. I needed the money, so I came into work everyday and spent my drive home crying.

“I will double what they are offering you.”

“But I don’t like you and you don’t like me…”

“That’s not true. I just find you difficult at times….”

He was lying. We did not get along. There was no denying that. I could settle and stay and continue to be miserable but be out of debt faster.

This also not the first time (nor would it be the last) that someone said I was difficult. I often wish people would find other ways of saying this. It has gotten boring for me.

I shook his hand and took the other job. I’m still there and am now an owner. I found the perfect job, the perfect group and I spend my day doing what I love – helping people and making lifelong friends.

I took the pay cut and I sucked it up. I put my heart and soul into my work. My boss LOVES those things that make me “difficult” because if I was a man, no one would ever use that word. They would use words like “dynamic” “a natural leader” “progressive thinker” “competent” “reliable” and never “pushy” “bad attitude” or my favorite – “bitch.”

I won’t settle. I may not have a lot of material possessions, but I am debt free and have always made my own way.

If not settling means I continue this life, just as it is until the day I die, then I will die happy. I may not have a lot to show for it on my financial statement or in what I own, but I never agreed that material possessions determined anyone’s worth or character.