Sunday, May 22, 2016

“We never live; we are always in the expectation of living.” ― Voltaire

I've been waiting to update this blog because I was hoping for a particular bit of good news to share but I'll have to save that for a future post because it's taking too long. Actually it's probably taking the normal amount of time; I'm just impatient. But as I waited for this news it occurred to me that lately I've been in waiting mode on a lot of levels. I'm waiting to hear from my agent that (hopefully) she's sold my next book. I'm waiting for my landlords to decide if they plan to rent out this amazing house to me for another year. I'm waiting to see if this toothache goes away so I don't have to go to the dreaded dentist. And I'm waiting until all of this and more is "settled" before I choose what to write next, where to live and whether to repair a crown or pull that damn tooth once and for all.

We spend so much of our lives waiting. Anyone who's ever carried a baby for nine months knows how excruciating slow those last few weeks are! We wait in lines, we wait for news, we wait for the right time and the right partner and we wait for the wisdom to discern all the big and little choices facing us at any given time. And quite often, instead of plowing forward we get stuck in this virtual waiting room, unable to move forward until the "perfect" moment, person or opportunity arises. But that's not how it works. Waiting for answers is like holding a seed in your hand and expecting it to bloom if you watch it long enough. You have to plant the darn thing, give it some water and then go do something else while you wait for it to grow.

Twenty years ago my wasband and I debated about moving from Michigan to California. He reasoned that if he waited longer to retire his pension would be substantially greater. I argued that if he waited longer his stress levels would take their toll and what good is a pension if those extra years end up killing you? My belief was that our quality of life was much more important than a few hundred extra dollars a month. We moved six months later and never looked back. Although the marriage didn't last I think we can both honestly say it was one of the best decisions we ever made. You couldn't give me a million dollars for the memories I've created here on the Central Coast.

I've decided to quit waiting and start living. Instead of looking at Craigslist ads for rentals I'm going to enjoy every last minute here at the ocean. I'm going to start the next book instead of worrying about editing and reediting the one my agent is currently pitching. I'm going to turn off my phone and go for a bicycle ride with my love instead of waiting to see if a massage appointment comes in. And I'm going to call the dentist tomorrow. Really I am. No, I mean it this time. Okay I'm not going to call the dentist but I'm going to look up the number.