Gov. Jindal outquips Obama at bigshot D.C. dinner

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, famous for flubbing a response to President Obama’s 2009 State-of-the-Union speech, staged an on-stage comeback at Saturday night’s formal Gridiron Club dinner in Washington, D.C., with a quip-filled speech that upstaged Obama in the words of the Washington Post “brought down the house.”

Such dinners are important stages in Washington, D.C., particularly for the ambitious. Sixty years ago, John F. Kennedy, his father Joseph P. Kennedy chief wordsmith Ted Sorenson, Democratic gray eminence Clark Clifford and other family retainers vetted an estimated 1,000 jokes before winnowing the list down to 34.

Some selected quips:

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal. He wants to live in the house seen here. Jindal gave dynamite speech at Saturday night's Gridiron Dinner in Washington, D.C.

–Jindal: “There is a reason I’ve got no plans to run (for president). I mean, come on. What chance does a skinny guy with a dark complexion and a funny name have to get elected president of the United States.

“The truth is — I am too skinny to run. At least that’s what my friend Chris Christie keeps telling me. Chris pointed out that my biceps are half the size of Obama’s guns. Not the president’s, Michelle’s.”

–Obama: “I know some of you have noticed I’m dressed a little differently from the other gentlemen Because of the sequester, they cut my tails. My joke writers have been placed on furlough. I know a lot of you reported that no one will feel any immediate impact because of the sequester. Well, you’re about to find out how wrong you are.”

“Of course, there’s one thing in Washington that didn’t get cut — the length of this dinner. ”

–Jindal: “And, Mr. President, I want to commend you on your inspired choice for secretary of state. Someone whose integrity and experience inform the world of your administration’s seriousness and depth. Let’s all give Dennis Rodman a hand.

“Speaking of athletes, I saw the president went golfing with Tiger Woods recently. Tiger reportedly said the president has ‘amazing touch.’ The last time Tiger said that he lost millions in endorsements and a hot Swedish wife.”

President Obama at previous Gridiron Dinner. He arrives without tails on Saturday night, saying they were cut by the sequester.

–Obama: “As you know, I last attended a Gridiron dinner two years ago. Back then, I addressed a number of topics — a dysfunctional Congress, a looming budget crisis, complaints that I don’t spend enough time with the press. It’s funny, it seems like it was just yesterday.”

–Jindal: “This may surprise you, but I’m looking forward to President Obama’s second term. It will be refreshing to hear him stop blaming all the country’s problems on the last four years. People say that the president and I both have trouble laughing at ourselves. We can’t laugh at ourselves. Thatt would be racist.”

–Obama: “I’m also doing what I can to smooth things over with Republicans in Congress. In fact, these days John McCain and I are spending so much time together that he told me we were becoming friends. I said, ‘John, stop. Chuck Hagel warned me how this ends up’.”

–Jindal: “The Gridiron Dinner used to be known as the night the media and the administration set aside their differences — back in the days when they had some.”

“I was on the treadmill the other day and I caught something about the supreme and infallible leader ordained from on high stepping down, and I got all excited. But then I realized it was just the pope, not the president.”

–Obama: “Now, I don’t often speak to a room full of journalists. I thought I should address a few concerns tonight. Some of you have said that I’m ignoring the Washington press corps — that we’re too controlling. You know what, you were right. I was wrong, and I want to apologize in a video you can watch exclusively at whitehouse.gov

–Jindal: “My home state of Louisiana is, of course, known for colorful politicians. You may have heard that when our former Gov. Edwin Edwards got out of jail last year, he immediately married a woman 50 years his younger. But you may have read his quote about that, and I’m not making this up, he said ‘You’re only as young as the woman you feel.’

“My wife didn’t feel that was funny. David Duke was colorful . . . His favorite color was white.”

So there you have it, only in America. In Washington, D.C., once a very segregated city, the headliners at what was once an old-boys dinner were a president who is the offspring of a Kenyan father and a mother from Kansas, and a Southern governor whose parents were immigrants from India.