The Right Perspective to Dealing With Hurt

Nov 26 2013

Bangalore, India

You know, many of you often say, 'Oh, I feel so hurt'.You fall in love and then you get hurt, isn't it. How many of you have had this experience? (Many raise their hands)You didn’t expect a certain action or reaction from the people whom you love, and you get an unexpected response and you feel hurt.What happens when you are hurt? You start shutting down, you start withdrawing. And if it happens more than three times, your whole personality gets affected. Then you become a very rude, rough and angry person. Isn’t that so?

Let us say someone hurts you, how do you behave the next moment? You become rough, rude and angry. This is one reaction. There is another way to look at it.Why does someone hurt another person? Only two kinds of people can hurt you. First, one who is wise can hurt you, because when you get hurt you wake up from your slumber. The hurt wakes you up, somewhere it makes you stronger.Second, one who is himself hurt or who is ignorant. The person is ignorant, or is experiencing anger, hatred and hurt. Now there are only two categories of people in front of you, through whom you can judge about your own hurt.So when you get hurt by someone’s actions, think that there is a lesson for you to learn, and that is why it is coming to you.

Only two kinds of people can hurt you. First, one who is wise can hurt you, because when you get hurt you wake up from your slumber. The hurt wakes you up, somewhere it makes you stronger. Second, one who is himself hurt or who is ignorant. The person is ignorant, or is experiencing anger, hatred and hurt.

This is what the Gurus in the ancient tradition used to do. Blame a person for something when he has not done anything wrong. Why? Because when you take that blame, you become stronger. You can smile through the blame for a mistake you have never done and take the lesson from it that you need to learn.If you know that there is some karma getting washed out, you realize that you are becoming freer.So consciously taking out that hridaya daurbalyam (weakness of heart).

In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna first hurts Arjuna by saying, 'What a coward you are, you want to run away from the battlefield? What will the world think about you! You are such a coward and you are so foolish. Do you think you are intelligent? You are talking like a great scholar and you are crying for things which you should never cry for'. He stops just short of saying, 'You are so stupid!'

Hearing these words from someone so close, Arjuna thinks this is his world! He thinks that he is right and his world is right, so he challenges Lord Krishna and tells him, 'Why are you putting me in this place? Why do you want me to fight this war? What do I get? Don’t push me into such wrong things'.So Arjuna thought he was right and Krishna was wrong.Arjuna was known for his valor, and Lord Krishna tells him, 'You coward!'. If you call the most valorous man and tell him he is a coward, there cannot be a bigger hurt than that.Now, when Krishna said this, Arjuna did not argue. He did not say, 'No, I’m not a coward', he just took it.He said, 'Krishna, I hear you. You know me better than I know myself'.So when you feel hurt, don’t shut down. Look into the situation.If the actions of a wise person, or someone who you have a lot of regard for, is hurting you, then know that it is for some good reason.If a friend is hurting you, know that some karma is getting released. 'I must have done something in the past to this person, so this person is just returning that back to me'.If the hurt is coming from an ignorant person, then have compassion. Poor thing, that person must be having so much pain, and so they are giving that back to me. They don't know what else to give me. Whatever people have, only that they will give. If someone is so hurt, and so pained, they can only give what they have with them.These three attitudes can make your whole personality shine.

I remember once, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, had asked his colleague, Swami Satyanand to enroll 1000 kayastha (a caste or community of Hindus) boys for some administration project and train them. He strongly believed in the DNA of the kayasthas. The kayasthas traditionally were administrators.So he asked Swamiji to go to Allahabad and enroll 1000 or 10,000 people; some big number. After three months of hard work, Swami Satyanand calls Maharishi and tells him, 'I have enrolled 10,000 kayastha boys and youngsters'.Maharshi was so upset, and he said, 'Who asked you to do it? Why did you do it? This is wrong. You should enroll everybody. Why did you enroll only kayastha boys'.He himself asked Swami Satyanand to go and do it, and then he asks this question! This was a big shock for the gentleman, because he was doing the work very sincerely.These actions, of a very wise person, should be seen in a different light. Do not judge these things from a human mind, but judge them from a bigger perspective. Not from the emotions, thinking that he has a grudge on me or he thinks bad about me, no! Not in the same way you judge all the time.

Let us say someone hurts you, how do you behave the next moment? You become rough, rude and angry.There is a choice for you. Either you get so negative, or you use every opportunity, whether it is hurt or misery, to become strong and grow in wisdom..

There was one great man called Gurjyev in Russia. He used to do this, give shocks to people. When you give shock treatment again and again, it is like an immunization to getting hurt in the world. You will never get hurt again by anybody.Same thing with mothers at home. If mothers don’t scold their children at all, the children become so weak because they become so timid. Sometimes this is a problem with kids from very wealthy families, because their mothers never scold them. So they cannot withstand a simple criticism from someone outside. They are not immune to criticism. The mind becomes so weak.So if you get hurt from a wise person, or an elderly person, or from your mother or father, then know it is for some good reason, for some learning. So it does not even touch you.

If a friend is hurting you, your attitude should be, this person has hurt me, there is some karma getting released.And people who are miserable, if they try to hurt you, your attitude should be, compassion. So then the hurt does not cause hurt, but the hurt brings another level of strength within you. And you become much stronger, you smile through it. Otherwise, if you brood over it all day, bruised and upset, you tend to get so negative.This is a choice for you. Either you get so negative, or you use every opportunity, whether it is hurt or misery, to become strong and grow in wisdom.