Posts Tagged ‘Advice for Clients’

My marriage has been sexless for last 20 years. During that time I’ve been fortunate enough to find three married lovers, but nothing recently despite dating sites. I did search “escorts” but I’ve never paid for sex and can’t contemplate $750 an hour for those I saw on these sites. However, I’ve heard housewives selling sex for money are much cheaper; how do I reach these?

Hire. An. Escort.

You are going to get caught if you keep playing around with amateurs, and unless you’re looking in NYC or at porn actresses, escorts aren’t charging $750/hour. I’m “high end” and I charge $400 for one hour, $1200 for a four-hour dinner date; that’s pretty typical in most sizeable US cities. I wrote an article for Reason a couple of years ago with advice on finding a good pro; I suggest you follow that advice before you get caught. And I guarantee you a divorce will set you back more than a few hundred bucks once or twice a month.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

I live in a very small city, so there aren’t many escorts around here. I contacted a new one recently and when she replied, I notice that her username appears to be her real name (it isn’t the same as her stage name) and I’m not sure she realizes that is showing. I could be wrong, but given that she seems very inexperienced I don’t believe I am. Should I say something to her, and if so how?

I’d simply be honest with her; take a screenshot of what it looks like on your end and send it to her with something like, “This is what your email looks like on my end; I’m concerned this may be information you don’t want revealed.” Also assure her that you will not share the information with anyone because you understand it could compromise her safety. If you’re wrong (and perhaps even if you’re right), she’ll probably just thank you for your concern and say that it’s fine and you’re only seeing another alias she has used before. It’s possible she may get upset with you, but if you truly believe she might be accidentally outing herself, telling her is still the right thing to do (before she replies to someone who might try to use the information to exploit her).

Unfortunately, the government’s wanton destruction of advertising platforms has thrown the industry into disarray. Idiots like the one who sent me this a week ago today are now approaching professional escorts when they’re used to dealing with unprofessional dabblers, and things like screening flummox them. But screening protects decent, normal clients as much as it does sex workers; it demonstrates to the client that he’s dealing with someone professional and careful who has something to lose. You know who doesn’t screen? Cops. They just want to get as many warm bodies into their trap as possible before the word of it gets out, and that means they just love it when guys who are thinking with the wrong head and want a no-questions-asked nownownow date contact them through their fake ads. This certainly doesn’t mean that everyone who doesn’t screen is a cop; however, it does mean that of those who don’t, a share approaching 100% are either unprofessional, extremely desperate, totally inexperienced, or up to no good. From our side of the equation, even the request for screening info acts as a form of pre-screening; if a man is in too much of a rush or is too much of an entitled clod to comply, or else refuses because he has something to hide, I’m uninterested in seeing him anyway. The short exchange illustrated here demonstrates another value of the process. A large fraction of low-intelligence, poorly-socialized men respond to what they perceive as rejection with insults and rage; imagine if I had upset this cretin in person, in a private setting. And then think again about whether you want to eschew screening.

Lately I’ve been getting a larger-than-usual number of enquiries from guys who’ve never seen an escort before. Some of them find me through this blog, some via my Twitter, others via my articles in Reason or my various interviews, and still others via my ordinary escort advertising. Some of them want to see me in particular, while others are just looking for general first-timer advice, but nearly all of them are nervous (or even full-out scared) about the possibility of falling into a trap set by the pigs. That’s why they contact me; even the ones who discover me via my escort ads usually notice that I’ve got a strong decade-old social media presence under the same name, and as I myself have said many times that’s a very good indicator that a lady is the real deal rather than some pervert cop pretending to be an escort so he can have the fun of destroying a man’s life for the terrible “crime” of loneliness. Most of these guys, however, are not regular readers, and this blog has become so enormous it’s a bit daunting for the newcomer. Hell, it’s sometimes even intimidating to me, and I wrote the damned thing! So I think it wouldn’t hurt to pull together a “best of” collection of resources for new clients that I can then simply link when one of these new gents contacts me.

The single most useful essay on the topic is undoubtedly “What To Know Before You Pay for Sex“, from the July 2018 issue of Reason; I wrote it specifically for guys who are neither regular clients nor regular readers, so it contains all of the information I consider vital in one brief and easily-digestible article. It draws in (small) part on “Advice for Clients“, which I think still holds up despite being a decade old. And then, of course, there are a number of Q&A columns about the basic mechanics of finding sex workers:

I don’t really like to criticize other high-profile sex workers, but Buzzfeed has given the porn performer Stoya an advice column, and bluntly speaking, a lot of her advice is just plain bad. I criticized one of her responses before, in a column back in February, but the advice she gave that time wasn’t nearly as bad as the advice in this column from April 30th, which if followed is very likely to destroy the questioner’s marriage. Since most porn performers have done at least some escorting, I presume Stoya isn’t completely ignorant of that type of sex work, so I can’t fathom how she completely missed the bus here. This is an edited version of the reader’s question:

My wife and I stopped having sex regularly after our kids were born. It dwindled from almost daily sex to maybe once a month…We…tried therapy, but…she would get angry if I suggested sex and would say she found my sexual “neediness” unattractive. I love my wife and the last thing I wanted to do was push her, so I stopped trying and decided to take care of my needs through masturbation, but she caught me once and said she found it pathetic. About a year ago…I tried to open up a discussion about our missing sexual life but was quickly shut down. “That part of my life is over” was my wife’s response. She’s 41…One day, I went to a massage parlor…there was something so healing about human touch. Since then, I’ve been to several…and…I’ve found a few regular spots that are friendly and well-run…The women I see are thoughtful, funny, and empathetic about sex and men’s bodies’ needs…While I still desire my wife, I don’t feel the need to press and annoy her, and I understand that part of her life might be over. (It’s been six years since we even kissed.) The thing I fear the most is that the image of my wife, of her body, is being replaced by the images of these other women, with these massage ladies fill a gaping hole in my life. Should I stop?

And here are the parts of Stoya’s answer which caused me to think “What the fuck?”

…to be on the ethical side of things, you would need to at least float the idea of opening things up with your wife. Ideally your wife would know about and be OK with—or even approve of—your behavior, but her shaming reaction to finding you masturbating leads me to suspect she’d be very upset, so brace yourself for a less-than-enthused response. Your wife sounds closed off to communication about sex in general, and I agree a life without sex doesn’t sound healthy for you at least, so you’d likely both benefit from a professional third party to help along any future discussion…

No, no, no, FUCK no. I have no idea what she was smoking when she wrote that, but it’s a recipe for disaster. This is a woman who shamed and ridiculed her own husband for masturbating after she unceremoniously cut him off; how could anyone who has lived among adult humans for more than a few months believe that asking such a narcissistic, controlling, authoritarian prude for an open arrangement would result in anything but a catastrophe? Women who are mature enough to accept “open” relationships do not go around calling their husbands “pathetic”, “unattractive” and “needy” for having a sex drive in their forties. And asking a selfish, judgy, sexually-immature woman for an open relationship is going to be about as productive as throwing a stick of dynamite into a cesspool. If she doesn’t immediately demand a divorce (which might very well happen), she’s going to A) subject her husband to more ridicule and abuse; and B) become suspicious and start watching his every move to detect “infidelity”. If this dude had written me I’d have given him the same advice I give every husband in a similar situation: find a discreet sex worker you like and trust, keep your damned mouth shut about the subject, and just be satisfied with whatever aspects of your married life have caused you to stay married to someone who, from where I’m sitting, doesn’t seem to give a shit about you.

For the second time recently, I’ve received an email that, while it isn’t a question, is something I’d like to share with y’all. This is from a gentleman I’ve seen several times since moving to Seattle; he’s not a regular because it’s usually a while between visits, but he is a repeat client (and has on a number of occasions asked for references from me for escorts in other cities). We had an appointment set for this coming Saturday, but then yesterday morning I received this email (which I’ve edited slightly for discretion; I also asked permission to share):

Hello, Maggie. I found out that I need to be traveling to a different city on Monday, which means I won’t be making the Seattle trip this weekend. I know I have had to cancel the last two appointments, so I went ahead and sent a “full” cancellation fee since you would have only a short time for a reschedule. I appreciate your flexibility and friendship! I’m sorry for the inconvenience.

Just a few minutes before the email, a payment notification had popped up on my phone letting me know that my full one-hour fee had arrived. Guys, THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT! Let’s be honest; escorts are a luxury, and anyone who sees us with any regularity isn’t hurting financially. But working escorts arrange our schedules around appointments, which means that a cancelled (rather than postponed) appointment represents a loss of income; we can’t usually just reschedule another appointment into that time slot (especially when, as this gent mentions, I’m leaving town for a week the very next day). So if life happens and you have to cancel an appointment, a polite, respectful email like this one accompanied by at least some compensation (most guys send me $100 or a selection from my wishlist) goes a very long way to soothing the sting and staying on your provider’s good side. And if you’ve had to cancel before (as is true in this case), paying the whole cost of the missed session demonstrates that you respect her time and are sincerely sorry for the inconvenience; repeated excuses without compensation begin to sound like “the dog ate my homework” after the second or third iteration. The world isn’t a perfect place, and the best-laid plans of mice & men, etc. But making a little extra effort like this gentleman did goes a long way toward keeping you in the circle of gold-star clients whom escorts are happy to see and happy to recommend to others.

I’ve never been with any kind of sex worker before, and I’m planning to book an escort in a couple weeks. I asked for a three-hour date because I wanted there to be plenty of time; longer appointments seem to be what high-end escorts generally prefer anyway. I imagine the first part of the date will be getting acquainted, having a drink, etc, but I’m a little concerned that when things turn physical I might climax very quickly; if that happens, is it OK thing to to go again, or is it better to try and prevent it from happening? Or would you suggest I shorten the date to two hours?

It would be pretty rare for a “high-end” escort to do a la carte pricing; we charge only for time, though most of us do have separate rates for purely social dates (no intimate contact at all) and “full service” dates. So it really doesn’t matter what y’all do with the time, and most experienced escorts aren’t going to be surprised if a guy wants to go twice in a three-hour date, especially if the first one is accomplished fairly quickly. That having been said, don’t try to spring a second round on her with less than half an hour in the session, unless of course you want to piss her off. With the exception of Tantra, “edging”, etc, the preoccupation with delaying orgasm is purely a male one; men seem to imagine that women like interminable pistoning, and nothing could be further from the truth (especially with a pro). When a man expends effort in attempting to delay orgasm, all he usually accomplishes is annoying his escort and (if he succeeds too well, which I have seen happen innumerable times) frustrating himself. I suggest you spend the first hour chatting and relaxing, then let nature take its course; if you climax quickly and want to do it again, try to start around the beginning of the third hour. But if you are satisfied after the first (and most men are), just spend the rest of the time enjoying a beautiful lady’s company; most of us are quite good at entertaining gentlemen in ways other than having sex.

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