(Closed) How to get the spark back?

My boyfriend and I are in a rut. We’ve been together about a year and a half and ever since I moved in, our relationship has fallen into a stagnant phase. We had a long talk about it last night because he feels the same. We have sex 2-3 times per week and it’s just ok. We don’t go on dates except for going out to dinner maybe once a month. Our free time is spent either on the couch watching tv or doing chores. He has 12 hour work days and I have 10 hour days so when we get home, we’re spent.

There’s nothing to do where we live. Boyfriend or Best Friend said he wants to do “new and different” but he doesn’t know what that would be. When we try to think of a new date idea, we come up with nothing…which results in us sitting on the couch. Romance is really lacking too (although, he was never really the romantic type).

He says he’s gotten comfortable and is happy just being with me. I on the other hand want to put the spark back in (he does too, but doesn’t need it as much). What can we do to change things up?

@newcitylights: I wish I knew the answer. Hahaha. I feel the exact same way as you do. We have been together for almost 3 years and will be married in 4 months. Seriously feels like we’re already an old married couple. We love each other dearly, but I do miss how things were when were first started dating.

@newcitylights: Anything outdoorsy to do together on the weekends? Something where you are spending time together and being active at the same time? Do yall have separate hobbies? Do each of you spend time apart from one another doign your own thing with friends?

Do you use Groupons? Sometimes they have great deals on cool stuff to do together that you wouldn’t necessarily think about doing. Relationships take work. Me and my Fiance go to movies together but we also try to do other things together as well. We both love sports so try to go to various sporting events together. We go to the dog park with our dogs, go camping together. Try new restaurants together. Make weekend day trips to explore cool stuff in our state. Yeah we get lazy on the couch and watch tv too, but we don’t let that be the only time we interact with each other.

I agree with the groupon idea! We search for groupons within a couple hours of us and have fun! We’ve been to new diners, horseback riding, golfing, bowling, and much more on groupons! We also just took up geocaching so we’ll drive somewhere and spend an entire day doing that too!

Boyfriend or Best Friend and I started doing a monthly “secret date” night….one person plans a date, and surprises the other. I did mine first, and it was nothing fancy, just having beers at a new brewery and playing some trivia, then an awesome dinner from a random food truck I found online. He loved it, and is now planning his secret date for me in a few weeks.

Maybe try it? you can go first, pick a date in 2-3 weeks and tell him its secret date night, but NO details. Then start figuring out your plan….can be simple and inexpensive. I like the groupon idea that others had here for some inspiration.

Treat it like a “date”, tell him what time to be ready and get a little gussied up. Since it was my date, I got to drive and pay, which was nice too.

this is gonna sound sad but less than a week ago we went on a mini getaway for a couple days. It was amazing and I thought it would reinvigorate things but when we got home we fell back into our routine. There have been other things going on though, like sick pets and stress at work (he’s a cop, which presents a special kind of challenge though lol). I’ll try the groupon idea…we go fishing together about once a week which has helped a little.

Sometimes, the husband will randomly say, “Hey, lets get out of here.” or on a friday night we will decide to drive to vegas. We will go out to dinner and then decide to see whatever movie was playing right then. I love spontaneity though. It is not for everyone, but sometimes it brings back the excitement that is usually lost.

@newcitylights: Have you guys ever taken the “Love Language” test? You can take it online here: (for women, for men) and depending on results you can create dates based on results, it’s pretty sweet me and my SO do this and love it!!

A love language is how you receive love the most – acts of service/words of affirmation/physical touch/quality time. Everyone is different, but my SO’s top are acts of service and words of affirmation, so in order to show him love in the way he receives it the most – I went to his place and cleaned up/did dishes/made him dinner for acts of service and throughout the duration of the rest of our date I had previously written out 5 separate letters to give him every hour of our date. Each letter said one thing that I love about him, ways I respect him, and what I admire in him. He just about DIED!

It doesn’t even have to be in date-form, just day to day life or how you relate to each other 🙂

You’ll get the spark especially if you guys are talking about it and wanting to work through it!!! xoxo

We did the test…bf is touch and I am words of affirmation. Interesting! Maybe I’ll give him an in-home spa date? I don’t know what he could do for me…i would love to know what he loves about me. He’s not good with words..

I just wrote about this on a different post earlier today. After my fiance and I moved in together, about five months after, we hit a rough patch. We stopped making an effort in our relationship because we always saw each other. It’s not the excitement of seeing someone after awhile, you live with them. So we decided something had to change. He works 12 hour shifts like yours, I work 8 hour shifts. We leave each other cute little love notes before we leave for work. We write on the mirror in the bathroom. We go on walks at night with the dogs or we walk to dinner. You have to find the little things because the big things arn’t always an option.

Just take the time for each other and don’t let ‘life’ get you in a rut or routine. That was always one of my rules for life, i don’t ever want to get into a routine. I want new things every now and then.

I also read ‘The five love languages’ and it has done wonders for us. I love it and would suggest it to anybody.

I think it’s important to remember that all relationships go through different phases and it’s hard not to miss the spark & excitement that the initial phase brings. On the other hand, the comfort stage is pretty awesome too.

Some things that help us de-rut: Just getting in the car on a weekend, choosing a a direction and driving until we’re tired. Then choosing any motel, grabbing some dinner and spending th night. Hard for us now because we have a lot of pets but it can work. Many times we just go for a drive, find a pretty place to hike a bit and go home.

Finding a new hobby we can do together. This spring/summer it’s been gardening – which is pretty funny considering how Fiance used to feel about yard work.

We use Living Social Deals and have gotten coupons for classes (glass-blowing which we’ve both wanted to try), new restaurants travel deals etc.

We both love to read so we’ll get a book or series of books and read them at the same time so we can discuss.

We go out to hear band friends play at bars.

We invite someone over for dinner.

We choose a new series to watch and cuddle up each night for a new episode.

Fiance and i havent experienced the rut or loss of spark but we do try hard to always keep it going.

we even bought this book last august and have done 1 thing a month until this august when were getting married!

i strongly recommend it! go to your local B&N and spend some time looking thru it. its a bit hard to understand but youll figure it out! it took me a good 10 minutes to think about it and then i was like OHHHH okay! lol