It's certainly not rocket science. It's "Chuck logic". And I'm sharing it with you. There's no overall theme. It may even be a bit chaotic, but I think it might be entertaining. If it fails to tickle your fancy, enlighten your mind, graze your loin, excite your sense of adventure, or allow you to breathe a simple sigh of relief, then I promise I'll resign the noble way and take a page from our Japanese brethren. My goal is to broadcast my mind and have you like it.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I've always wanted to casually stroll up to a hooker, look her right in the eyes and say real coyly, "So, uh...when do you get off work?"

I paid a little visit to the sex addicts anonymous website. They've got a concise 12-question quiz that will supposedly tell you whether or not you have a problem with sexual addiction. Basically, if you can answer yes to more than one of the following questions, then they encourage you to seek additional literature or to attend a sex addicts anonymous meeting.

Sex Addicts Assessment Quiz:

Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?

Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?

Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?

Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems?

Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?

Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual?

Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns which prompted you to leave the last relationship?

Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief?

Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.?

Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development?

Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence?

Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?

Personally, I qualify. I also loosely qualify as an exhibitionist. Apparently, the definition of an exhibitionist is someone who obtains sexual arousal by exposing his or her genitals to unsuspecting strangers. Me - well, I like to be nude to obtain comedic arousal and the people are usually suspecting. I don't think I have any abnormal fetishes.

How about you? Can you answer "yes" to more than one of those twelve questions? How about just one of them? Were you ever disciplined by your parents as a child for strutting around with a boner? Did your uncle ever shove you into the board game closet and "bat your shit around"? Did your parents ever humiliate you by dressing you in girls' clothing and call you a "faggot" as a form of punishment simply because you enjoyed Barbies and tea-parties as opposed to G.I. Joe and Power Ranger action figures.

None of these?! Congrats.

Well, I'm not saying that these scenarios have ever been played out for me, but they are associated with causes that may lead someone in a paraphiliac direction.

For years and years and years I've been held captive by my boners. Take any nice guy out there. I mean it - take the most handsome, chivalrous, clean-shaven guy out there and send a rush of blood to his penis and he's libel to rape the first woman he sees. Or at least have his pants around his ankles sitting in a computer chair. 99% of guys masterbate - the other 1% lie.

I've done some questionable things under the persuasive power of my penis.

Most recently, after stumbling in from the bar, I emailed a Craigslist prostitute at 3:00am.

And you know, it's interesting - Perhaps interesting isn't the right word - I guess I could say that it's peculiar how much power sex has.

I did get an email back from the prostitute. She left her phone number. Of course I didn't call her.

I'd NEVERcall her. I've thought a lot about the idea behind sexual fantasies. The part that gives them their power is just that - keeping them fantasies.

It's more of a concept than a reality as I like to put it.

Tell all of your friends about www.theworldinaccordancewithchuck.blogspot.com