Parenting is about so much more than diapers, bandaids, homework and curfews. Parenting is being there; listening, talking, forgiving, asking forgiveness and most of all, loving. I know this to be true because Momma D says it is.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

One warm, summer Sunday, when I was ten or eleven, several
people were visiting on the front lawn of the church after the service. I was
playing with some of my friends when Helen, a middle-aged woman in our church
stopped me and said, “Darla, if you want to know what you’re going to look like
when you get older, just look at your granny because you are the spitting image
of her.”

“Yikes!” I thought. I loved my granny more than words can
say, but when you’re ten or eleven years old, hearing you’re going to have
wrinkly skin and graying hair is NOT exactly good news.

I don’t remember what I said. I don’t think I said anything,
but I’m sure the look on my face combined with my lack of a response was
enough. But then again, knowing Helen, she probably didn’t realize I’d taken
her words as anything other than the compliment I now know them to be.

Fast forward a few years…

Friends and family all have different opinions about which
of our four kids look alike and who they look like. Some think Zach and
Elizabeth look alike, while others think Emma and Zach look alike. Some say
Elizabeth and Olivia favor John’s side of the family, but others disagree;
saying they favor my side.

Fast forward a few more years…okay, several more years…

“She’s a little mini-Darla” or “She looks just like you,”
are comments I often hear about Mack and me.

“It’s amazing to me how Mack looks like you,” John said to
me, “and Macy looks just like Teri.” (her other grandma) And she sure does! J

“Elizabeth has been cloned!” is something I’ve heard from
more people than I can count when they see pictures of Elizabeth’s daughter,
Laney Beth.

“I think Laney looks like John,” other say. But then that
makes sense to me because I think Elizabeth looks like her daddy.

Essie, on the other hand, is a perfect combination of both
Emma and Dwight in looks and personality.

And finally, one evening at the dinner table, John smiled and
said, “It finally happened. I’m married to Wanda, Jr.” (Granny) Turns out Helen
was right. I do look just like her—gray hair and all! J

The point I want to make is this: We are all a reflection of
those who have made us. Our eyes, hair, nose structure, the sound of our voice,
even allergies are traits we pass on to our children and grandchildren. We don’t
have any control over who gets what—it just happens.

But even more important than that are the qualities we can
control—the qualities of faith, compassion, honesty, hope, forgiveness, and
love. THESE are what really matter and what we need to make sure we pass on to
our children and the things we see reflected back to us as we watch our
children and grandchildren grow.

Love,

Momma D

Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Our three year-old grandson Reuben is by far the most
literal little guy (or gal, for that matter) I’ve ever met. He’s not silly…he’s
Reuben. He’s not a pistol…he’s Reuben. He’s not our little sweetie…he’s Reuben.
And I LOVE it! It’s just one of the many things that makes him the amazing and
adorable little man he is.

The truth of the matter, however, is that Reuben really
doesn’t see things all that differently than other kids his age. He’s just got
the wherewithal to take the time to say what he’s thinking. You might even say
he’s a bit of an ambassador for his peers without even realizing it by just
being Reuben. Huh? How?

Well since you asked…

The fact that Reuben doesn’t ‘get’ our affectionate ‘name
calling’ should serve to remind us that children need and prefer us to keep
things real and simple because that’s the way they see them, AND that our
little ones have feelings, too.

Reuben and his peers don’t want to be called names any more
than your and I do. Think about it…how would you like it if people went around
calling you silly? Or what if your boss referred to you as the office clown
instead of seeing you as a valuable employee?

If Reuben and his peers knew how to articulate their true
feelings on the subject, I think it would probably go something like this: “I
prefer to be called Reuben since that’s my name but thanks for noticing my
great sense of humor. I get it from my dad.”

Reuben and his peers also don’t want or need to be
overwhelmed with details. They don’t care that your great aunt Harriet’s house
always smells like lavender, that she was married to Uncle William, and used to
have a dog that ate bologna sandwiches. They just want to know if a) she’s a
cheek-pincher and b) if she’ll have any toys or should they take their own.

And finally, Reuben and his peers don’t need and shouldn’t
have to deal with mixed signals. It’s confusing and frustrating to have to
wonder why being silly was okay yesterday but earned them a big fat time-out
today? You also know there are times
they wonder, “If you liked the name you chose for me so well, why do I only
hear it when I’m in trouble?” And most importantly, when you tell them you love
them, they need to be able to take you at your word and need to know your actions
will always reflect what you say. Always.

Reuben’s mommy and daddy appreciate and respect his desire
to keep things simple and true. He knows he is loved, that they won’t overwhelm
him with stuff that doesn’t matter anyway, and at the end of the day as he’s
drifting off to sleep, he never has to question whether or not being Reuben is
a good thing or not.

So on behalf of Reuben the ambassador for three year-olds
everywhere, let me close by saying when it comes to talking to your kids keep
it real, simple, and consistent.

Love,

Momma D

Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s finally
happened—Momma D has finally lost it because there is no possible way drinking
molasses water has anything to do with parenting. Wrong! I can assure you I
haven’t lost it (not completely, anyway) and believe it or not, being a parent
and drinking molasses water do go together…metaphorically speaking, that is. So
stay with me. I promise it will all make sense by the time you get to the
bottom of the page.

The years we spent raising our kids were also spent farming-primarily sheep…lots and lots of sheep. Lambing time (the period of time when
ewes give birth) was an especially busy time for us. Checking to make sure
everyone was healthy and keeping track of all those little lambs running around
took time and energy, but for all the work we
put into it, the ewes still had the biggest job of all in bringing the lambs
into the world and making it possible for them to take their first breaths of ‘real’
air.

Here’s how it works…once a lamb is born its mother
immediately begins cleaning the amniotic sack off the newborn lamb—starting with
its nose and face. Over and over and over again the ewe licks the sticky
membrane off her lamb until it is all gone.

This can’t be a pleasant process. The membrane is sticky,
bloody, and because of the makeup of the fluid formerly inside, it is
incredibly salty. YUK! But she does it because she knows it’s what needs to be
done—it’s what is best for her lamb. So…to give her a much-needed and
well-deserved boost of energy we gave the ewes a bucket of nice, warm, sweet
molasses water to drink after they were done. And let me tell you they were
ready for it! But once they were done drinking they turned their attention back
to their lambs just the way they were supposed to.

Okay here’s where you come in…

Being a parent requires you to do a lot of things you don’t
necessarily want to do for your kids, but you do them anyway because you know
it’s what is best for them. You know, things like taking away privileges,
saying no to something even though ‘everybody else’s parents are saying yes,
cleaning up after them when they’re sick, going over their spelling words one
more time even though you would both rather do anything else but that, cleaning
up the broken glass that slipped out of their hands…in the store…that you told
them not to touch. And on and on the list goes. Afterwards though, you need to
give yourself the ‘luxury’ of taking a big drink of warm, sweet molasses water
and giving yourself a few minutes to regroup before getting back to the
never-ending job/blessing of being a parent.

For some of you, the molasses water may be thirty minutes in
the hot shower or tub, time alone with a good book, or a cup of coffee and
uninterrupted conversation with your friends. For others it may be a game of
golf, an afternoon of shopping without going anywhere near a candy store or
stores filled with un-stuffed bears, or watching the game with the guys.

What it is doesn’t
really matter as long as you do it. Allowing yourself the opportunity to
refresh and regroup makes you a better parent. In doing so you are able to
release frustrations (what parent doesn’t have them) and enjoy spending time
with people your own age. Taking time to refresh and regroup also sets your
priorities back in order; allowing you to see your children as the precious
treasures they truly are. Then once you’ve had your ‘molasses’ you’re ready to
get back in the game…until next time.

See? I told you I wasn’t losing it!

Love,

Momma D

Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Are you aware of the recent news coverage revolving around
the so-called disease the media calls “affluenza”? Seriously? Has society
fallen so far to try to excuse away the fact that A) this young man is a
spoiled brat and B) he is such because his parents have made him that way?

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here it is in a
nutshell: A wealthy Texas teenager was given a slap on the wrist and probation for
killing four people and injuring several more in 2013 when he caused a horrific
traffic accident while driving drunk. Oh, and he was only sixteen at the time
of the accident. Now, a little more than two years later, his mother (I use
that term loosely) skips the country with him because it was discovered he was
violating the terms of his probation by drinking and getting drunk (go figure!)—which
was grounds for his arrest.

Mother and son were found in Mexico, arrested, and as I
write, mom, Tanya is being sent back to Texas to face criminal charges and
prison time. Son Ethan, however is still being held by authorities in Mexico,
where before being arrested, racked up a huge tab at a bar/strip club, was
escorted out for drunkenness and non-payment, and then he and his mom skipped
out of their hotel without paying.

It’s not my habit to be calling names (especially children)
but I’m going to make an exception here because someone needs to call it what
it is instead of trying to excuse it away. Selfish. Spoiled. Entitled. Thoughtless.
Disrespectful…and just about anything else along those lines applies to both
mother and son. But sad, lost, hopeless, pitiful, tragic, and precious lives
being wasted away also apply. These two have the potential to be so much better
if they only would be.

Now before you write me off as being overly critical hear me
out. I want you to look at these two and learn from them because they have MUCH
to teach every single parent out there.

Lesson 1: Children really do live what they learn. Ethan is
a product of his upbringing. He was raised to believe he didn’t have to comply
with the law, that rules didn’t apply to him and that they are meant to be
broken, and that responsibility is something he doesn’t need to concern himself
with. Ethan has been raised to think only of himself and to do whatever he
wants without regard to the rights and well-being of anyone else because he’s
rich and money talks.

What are your children learning from the way you live? Are
they learning integrity, responsibility, respect, compassion, selflessness,
confidence, humility, and love? Or are they learning to resemble Ethan in even
the smallest of ways?

Lesson 2: Ethan has a brain and is old enough to know right
from wrong, but chooses wrong. You know as well as I do teenagers don’t blindly
obey their parents without question. Ethan is choosing to make poor choices
because he wants to.

Parents, if you are doing the very best you can to be the
very best parent you can, don’t beat yourself up and allow guilt to swallow you
whole if your child chooses to rebel and reject the principles of his/her
upbringing. There comes a time when children have to be held responsible and
accountable for their own actions.

Lesson 3: Parenting mistakes don’t have to be permanent and
it’s not too late to change. Evidence and witnesses prove beyond a doubt that
Ethan was raised in an atmosphere where discipline, respect, expectations,
guidelines, and true parental love were non-existent. But after Ethan killed
and injured those innocent people, his parents had every opportunity and
resource available to turn things around and to help Ethan turn his life
around. But instead of embracing their opportunity AND responsibility to do so,
they turned their back on their son and encouraged him to keep on keepin’ on.

Parents, we all make mistakes raising our kids. A harsh word
or two (or three…), unjust and misplaced anger and frustration, missing cues,
hurting their feelings. We’re not perfect. When these things happen we have the
capability to ask forgiveness, repeal the disciplinary action, speak softly,
and apologize for being wrong. My question to you, though, is do you? If so,
keep up the great work. If not, why not? And either way, make today the day you
commit to not letting these occasional mistakes become the norm.

I know this post isn’t the usual witty wisdom Momma D
usually shares, but there are times when witty wisdom needs to be set aside for
what my kids and I call a “come to Jesus talk”. Today was one of those days.

Love,

Momma D

Copyright 2016 Darla Noble. No part of this can be used or copied without permission from the author.

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