Guest Columnist: Richard Littlejohn

I’ve had some fun over the years with a few well-timed gags about poofters, but today I want to tell you about something far more serious. Something I’ve never spoken of before because it is too frightening.

You see, the gays possess awesome and terrible powers, and they must be stopped.

They have the power to penetrate other minds and flood them with thoughts of their own making. Let me explain.

Most nights, long after my wife has fallen asleep, I lay awake thinking about things. And then the thoughts come. They are subtle at first, mixing almost imperceptibly with my own. But it is the gays. They have arrived.

Before I know it my mind is awash with semi-naked young men. They are big and oiled. Suddenly one is before me, and I sense another behind me. My clothes are sent asunder in a violent rip. The gays now radiate their most tremendous and disturbing thought-interruption and I find myself filled to the brim.

Later I find myself awake again and I am as stiff as a board.

Clearly there is only solution to this appalling situation. We have to execute them all. Just saying.

Other things

David ‘Call me Dave’ Cameron is a right faggot. The other night he got into my mind and I could almost taste the semen that he ejaculated into my eyes and that ran down my cheeks and into my startled mouth. It’s time we had him sent to the Tower.