Whew, what a relief. I thought my fear of missing out was going to have me pissing away money on a lopsided "fight" that's so shamelessly predetermined that Vince McMahon might as well have promoted it. After seeing the two combatants - whose motives definitely aren't strictly monetary - engage in their own personal forms of preparation, I can't believe I was such a worry wart! I may have originally thought this was one ill-prepared athlete trying his half-speed hands at a foreign sport against one of the most dominant to ever play said sport, but it's starting to look to me like sparring style - and not an asinine difference in skill - is the only thing separating these two.

Sure, Conor McGregor's punches look like they are literally moving in the slowest motion provided by even the most high priced of DVR in comparison to those of his opponent, but clearly Floyd Mayweather's weighted gloves are aiding in that perception. Plus, having the sporadic, awkward footwork of a person that can't choose a side when walking head-on into stranger in public is the perfect way to counter balance deliberate upper body movements that could be seen coming more easily than the money shot in a POV blowjob porn. You say Conor McGregor is tipping his hand worse than a professional poker player wearing mirrored glasses? I say the gratuitous effort he exudes with literally every blow is enough to paralyze a competitor that's so, so historically prone to being hit. I mean, just look at how little that heavy bag moved once stung with the grunt fueled strikes of a guy who was obviously born to box if not for that pesky MMA career.

Let's be real, the only thing that superhuman speed kills is the gas milage on a guy that totally looked every single second of 40 years old while avoiding a quickly rebounding punching bag that he obviously memorized the movements of over the years. Technically speaking, that routine was probably fundamentally flawless, but when has decade after decade of practice ever made perfect once the bell rings? I suppose it's possible that Floyd Mayweather could still win, but - if you ask me - it would be solely because Conor McGregor can only throw a finite number of long winded haymakers per two minute span, and not because he's laughably more talented in a craft where he remains undefeated.