(Closed) A Depressed Bridesmaid

A good friend of mine is getting married in Vegas in 2 months. I’m in her bridal party (just her sister and I), the problem is I’m going though severe depression right now and can’t find the motivation to be a part of her wedding party, even the thought of having to be part of the wedding gives me anxiety. When I told her what was going on with me, she told me she doesnt want me there bringing her down if I can’t be happy for her. Of course I can be happy for her, I just can’t get excited for anything to do with her wedding. My problem is, do I back out of her wedding to get myself healthy? (how healthy is drinking in Vegas with depression?) or go through with her wedding when I’m already having a hard time putting on a happy face day to day? I realize it’s the biggest day of her life, but I can’t help the way I’m feeling.

I should add – She’s had depression before, and I was the only one there for her in her time of need.

I would think that with 2 months to go, you have time to get a handle on your own situation AND still be able to go to her wedding. Do you see a counselor? Are you on any medications? Maybe follow up with your healthcare provider to see if you can come up with a new, better treatment plan in time to be able to enjoy her wedding and be there for her.

I also think it’s kind of shitty of her to treat you like that- maybe she just doesn’t understand the gravity of your situation, but she must realize that other people have lives and problems outside of her wedding.

If you’re not super close with her, I’d say to back out. If it’s your best friend, I’d suggest trying to go through with it.

I’m saying this as someone with a severe mental illness. I know how terrible they are. My only concern is that you will regret it down the road, in your next “better” period. But if you really and truly do not think that it’s in your best psychological interests to attend…don’t do it.

@mchitt329: This. Sorry, but as someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, with an Fiance who has it worse, this is such a rude, disgusting thing to say.

Yes, please back out of her wedding and focus on you and getting healthy. I’d also suggest taking a break from the friendship. If she can’t even muster up a tiny bit of sympathy for what you’re going through, don’t expect her to do anything else, either.

I’m probably going to get totally bee-slapped for this, but I don’t think what your friend did was all that horrible.

Of COURSE she should have said “The most important thing is your health. Just be a regular guest if you can, and if you can’t make it I hope you spend the time getting better.”

So she wasn’t very gentle or kind in her wording. But I understand where she’s coming from.

I can just say that I’m going through something similar- my best friend and only bridesmaid has backed out of multiple wedding related events and it really upset me. I’m getting over it because she told me she’s getting counseling and working on her depression, but it IS hard not to think that she could maybe suck it up for a day. I know that’s terrible to admit, but she’s my bestie and I can’t imagine getting married without her there.

Having a depressed bridesmaid would be a big downer on a wedding day. So yes, you should back out.

That said, you should also express to her that you are getting help and are doing whatever you can to bring yourself up so you can be positive and helpful in the future if not now.

I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time, and I’m sorry she’s not able to be there for you the way you’d want.

I’m just trying to see this from the bride’s perspective. I hope you feel better soon.

I hope you are seeking treatment. That can be a terrible ordeal to go on it alone. I won’t bee slap anyone 😉 She should have been way more tactful and supportive. I won’t say something similar hasn’t crossed my mind about a sibling, or a scene stealing college pal I WOULD NEVER SAY IT ALOUD. She def shouldve kept it to herself and said something far kinder. I think you should pull out if you don’t think you can do the job, a.k.a supporting and keeping the bride from stressing out the day of.