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Squeez Bacon

Introduction: Squeez Bacon

ThinkGeek is a wonderful website. If you haven't heard of it, check it out. I love it, but one time they pulled a cruel trick on me. You see, ThinkGeek has a history of pulling April Fools jokes, ever since 2001. When I first found the site, some time around 2008 or so, I'd check it at least once a wek or so to look at cool products. Then, in 2009, on April 1st I checked the website. And I found the best thing that would ever happen to me. Squeezable bacon. I was going to order 500 of these things. Then, in a couple days, I checked back and my heart broke. It was an April Fool's joke. I almost cried. Eventually I got over it, but I always had the thought of squeezable baconin the back of my head. Then, when I saw this contest, I thought, "What cool thing could I do with bacon?" Finally, I had my "aha!" moment. Squeez Bacon. Sure, it was a fictional joke from the past, but I could make it work.... but I couldn't. Not for a couple weeks or so. It took me several tries, because so many different ideas failed. But, as Edison said, I didn't fail 10 or so times, I just found 10 ways that didn't work. And trust me, did they not work. Sometimes it wasn't squeezable, other times it tasted terrible; but it was always something. After forever, I had my idea, tried, and it worked. I felt like I won lotto. I had discovered how to make squeezable bacon. With this instructable, I am going to share my treasure with the Instructables community.

Step 1: Materials

You don't need much for this project.

Food wise, you need-
-Bacon (no, really?)
-Flour
-Water
-and some Maltodextrin (this can be found at a brewery supply store.)

Step 2: Bring Home the Bacon

It's time to get your mouth watering. The first step of this project is cooking the bacon. It's pretty simple. Step 1, get out a frying pan. Step 2, take out the bacon. Step 3, wait for it........................... put the bacon in the frying pan, BUT NOT ALL OF IT!!!! ONLY HOW MUCH YOUR FRYING PAN CAN FIT! ....Woah there, gotta calm down. Time for step number 4! Turn the stove on (make sure you know how to do this without hurting yourself. If not sure, ask a mature adult.) Step 5, continually flip bacon while its cooking with a spatula or whatever you want to use. WARNING - The bacon grease "spits" out of the frying pan, so be careful. Last step, step numer 6, cook the bacon until very crisp, this will make it easier for you later on. I could only make about 4 pieces of bacon at a time, and for this project you need 10 pieces or so, so I made another batch of bacon. And then another batch because I was hungry. After the bacon is cooked, place the bacon between paper towels to get the grease off. Make sure you get most of it.

Random Bacon Fact - Did you know more than two billion pounds of bacon is made in the U.S. each year?

Step 3: Ground Pound!

Once the bacon is nice and crispy, carefully wrap it all together in paper towels. Then, using a meat cleaver (the flat side) or a hammer, smash the paper towels with the bacon inside. Keep on pounding until you think you are done, and then pound some more. If you want, you can unwrap the paper towels to see if the bacon is in small enough pieces. The bacon should be as close to a powder as possible, for best results. This is why you wanted to cook the bacon more crispier, because it make it easier to smash.

Step 4: Mix It UP!

Next, you want to make a mixture to add the bacon powder to. Add about 1/4 of a cup of water to 1/3 cup of maltodextrin. Stir. Then, combine 1/4 cup of flour to your mixture. Stir until there are no lumps and the mixture is smooth. Then, add the bacon powder to the mixture. Stir until very well mixed. The next step is optional. It would be to take the mixture and put it in a blender to make it smoother. I choose not to do this because I personally like the crunchy texture of bacon, so I kept it as is to keep the crunch of the bacon.

Step 5: Arts and Crafts Time!

It's time to enter your inner child for arts and crafts! Yay! Take a plastic bottle that is squeezable (make sure it has a little hole in the cap). It can be an old ketch-up, mustard, whatever bottle; just make sure you wash it out. Then, cover the bottle in a dark red piece of paper. I used double sided tape to keep it together. Then, take the picure of Squeez Bacon (found here), print it, and cut out the label. Attach that to the bottle too. Voila! Your own squeezable bottle that looks similar to the Squeez Bacon one!

Step 6: Filler Up!

This step is easy. Fill up the bottle with the bacon mixture. Think you can handle it?

Random Bacon Fact - Did you know that there are 24,872 people in the U.S. listed on whitepages.com with the last name of Bacon?

Step 7: How to Make a BLT With Squeez Bacon

Squeezable bacon can be enjoyed on anything, but I think its best and most practical use is for BLTs. BLTs are so good, yet the longest part of making the BLT is cooking the bacon. While the smell of fresh bacon is great, squeezable bacon is good if you are on a hurry and need a quick, but delicious meal. The BLT is the perfect brunch item, too. Bacon is a breakfast food. A sandwich is a lunch thing. But together, Brunch! To make your own BLT, acquire two (2) slices of bread. Then, spread mayo on one side of bread. Put on lettuce. On the other piece of bread, put Squeez Bacon on it. Put on tomatoes for that slice of bread. Join the two sides together. Enjoy the best brunch item there is.

Bacon Quote - “I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it’s good for me, it’s the perfect way to start the day.”
Michael Scott – The Office (my favorite TV show)

Step 8: Finish and Enjoy!

Now you are done! Enjoy Squeez Bacon on anything you want (I would like to hear what you come up with!). For you doubters out there, it actually tastes like bacon. It is squeezable. And yes, I made it. Please, make it and tell me what you think! Thanks!

As pointed out by instuctables member po'guin1, this project doesn't have preservatives. This means that it will not keep for more than a week, and that's only if you keep it in the fridge. So, make Squeez Bacon and enjoy it quickly!

Please rate, comment, and vote on my instructable to tell me how I did.