Although breaking an engagement is a difficult thing to do and it often creates a whole other world of difficulty, at least temporarily, sometimes it is the responsible thing to do. In fact, in the long run, a broken engagement has far less devastating or long-reaching effects than a divorce. At the very least, a broken engagement is far less painful than a messy divorce.

More often than not, the stress from planning a wedding impinges upon a couple in a decidedly negative manner. It influences every aspect of their relationship from the simplest and most unimportant to the most complex and multifaceted. Instead of enjoying their engagement and spending their days gazing at each other with pure love, they are glaring with hostility and frustration. Instead of fulfilling dreams, the engagement is leading to broken promises.

After all, what can be more frustrating than trying to decide what color table linens to go with for the umpteenth time, especially when your fiancé refuses to discuss the matter in a sensible way. What bride hearing the answers, “I don’t care, honey, whatever you want” to every question she asks concerning her dream wedding doesn’t feel a bit of anger leading to pent up rage?

Moreover, even though some couples are deeply in love, they simply are not ready for the responsibility of marriage. In those cases, a broken engagement is the responsible thing to do. After all, marriage is a big commitment. Maybe it never dawned on them that marriage is a full time commitment. It isn’t a weekend or nighttime thing. It is a twenty-four hour, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year type thing that isn’t going to get any easier until it gets a lot harder. Weathering the ups and downs of any relationship isn’t an easy task. Some of us just aren’t up to it.

To survive a broken engagement, you only have to continue living your life. To survive and conquer the effects of the broken engagement fully and positively, you need to move forward as soon as you are able to do so. No, this does not mean that you should bounce right back onto the dating scene. Nor does it mean that you should give up men completely- as if that is even a remote possibility.

It does mean that you should realize a broken engagement is not the end of the world. It does not mean that you are unlovable or damaged goods. Think of it this way, isn’t it a lot easier to break off your engagement now than to suddenly make an announcement at the church? Isn’t it simpler to cancel the engagement and deal with your broken dreams than to get married only to end up miserable with kids in tow and a ton of debt?

Getting the News of Your Broken Engagement OutPerhaps one of the most difficult things to deal with after you decide to call it quits is the fallout. Dealing with family and friends is not going to be easy, especially if no one else agrees with your decision.

The first thing that you need to realize is the fact that you do not owe anyone an explanation. No one needs to know the reasons for your broken engagement, no matter how innocuous they are.

Unfortunately, even if it is inappropriate to ask, people will. Curiosity is in the nature of the beast and it gets the best of even the most levelheaded human beings. Expect the question to arise not only from your dearest and nearest, but also, from people who weren’t even going to be invited to the wedding.

It is possible to make an announcement in some newspapers to the effect that “The engagement of so and so has been broken by mutual consent.” Phone calls can do the trick if you are up to it and can be direct enough to say that you don’t want to discuss it. Plus, short notes can be sent to family and friends.

In fact, notes can be printed up to state that the engagement has been broken and the marriage will not take place. This is by far easier than having to dodge phone calls and uncomfortable conversations during subsequent meetings. Sure, people will wonder and they will imagine the worst. If they want to turn into busy bodies with nothing better on their hands, there’s nothing you can do to stop them. However, if you get the information out first, it circumvents the need to explain or inform each person upon chance meetings.

Canceling Wedding Arrangements

Unfortunately, if you have broken your engagement somewhere down the line from the day that you actually became engaged, you have a lot of work to do. In fact, the closer it is to your actual wedding day, the harder it is going to be for you. Additionally, the size and complexity of your wedding will determine the extent of the financial cost and it will impact on the emotional cost to you.

The emotional effect can be overwhelming simply because it isn’t over until you have canceled everything. That initial sigh of relief and feeling of composure that ensues once you have made the decision that you are better off if your engagement is broken, dissipates quickly under the barrage of seemingly endless cancellations and notifications.

Initially, you should call to notify each vendor that your engagement has been broken so the wedding is cancelled. Follow up each phone call with a written notification of cancellation. Request the return of any refundable deposits. A lost deposit is no reason to remain engaged, go through with the wedding, and live miserably ever after.

Cancel any arrangements made with:

- Reception Hall

- Photographer

- Videographer

- Church or ceremony site

- Officiant

- Organist

- Musicians- band or DJ

- Caterers- if separate from the reception hall

- Bakery- if separate from the reception hall

- Florist

- Travel agency, airline, and hotel

- Printers- invitations, thank you cards, etc.

You might have to refer to your contracts with each of the above to determine your financial responsibility. Some of them might be more flexible than others with less stringent cancellation policies.

The wedding gown is one of the most emotional items to deal with in the case of a broken engagement. Do you keep it? Do you give it away? Do you ask the store if they will sell it for you as a sample? Make this decision when you are emotionally prepared to do so. Rushing the decision isn’t wise since this is one decision that will affect you for quite some time.

Items to ReturnUnfortunately, you are faced with the need to return any engagement, shower, and wedding gifts that you have already received. Include a simple note of thanks. You don’t need to go into a long explanation as to why the engagement has been broken. Simply state that the wedding will not take place.

Gifts that have already been used by either you or your fiancé should be replaced and returned. Even gifts that have been monogrammed should be returned to the gift giver.

Once you have taken care of all of the financial obligations and cancellations, you will be able to move on with your life emotionally one step at a time. A broken engagement isn’t the end of the world. It’s simply the end of a few promises.

Are You Over Your Ex?

It's been months since you and your ex parted ways, and you've been navigating the road to recovery ever since. Has that road been surprisingly smooth or unbearably bumpy? Find out if you're really ready to move on to new adventures in love and life or if you're still hung up on your ex with this quiz.