What do you get when you stick some of the conspiracy world’s biggest celebrities and their die-hard fans on a cruise ship in the middle of the Pacific Ocean for a week? Some fascinating insight into our strange times. And one near fistfight.

Dip your toe into Reddit or Disqus and you will be bombarded with proof that Bigfoot lives in the mountains of the Pacific Northwest and that our government is run by giant lizards posing as politicians.

Heck, right here at TSZ we get ‘proofs’ that, in spite of what we’ve been led to believe, nobody actually knows his or her own name.

But I was not on Plaza Deck. I was locked in my stateroom on Baja Deck, picking at a room-service cheeseburger. Earlier that afternoon, a pair of Conspira-Sea presenters had chased me—chased me—from a conference room. This wasn’t our first confrontation, and now I feared they were tracking me around the ship, waiting to spring out from blind corners and empty doorways.