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Monday, September 15, 2008

Rehab?

My husband has suggested as much on more than one occasion. I hate to say it, but I think he is right.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery right?

I feel like this must be a common problem among women my age and in my situation (home with unlimited access to the computer). Is it? It must be.

I am to the point where I tell myself, "No more Internet till you clean up the house (or fold laundry etc)", and then I walk past the computer on my way to do something else, and I end up checking my email or my reader to see if anyone has posted a new blog. It's so seductive. That high you get from seeing "new comments" posted, or a new email in your inbox. Or how you can just get lost for hours clicking on links in blogs to find more blogs and more crafty, interesting people. ARGH!! It's ruining my life.

OK that may be a slight exaggeration. But, I am starting to feel like blogging is bad for my self-esteem. I swear, I read blogs and think...man, I must be the least creative, least productive person alive! Do you feel that way too? Because I know that it is not real life, and that there is quite a skewed view or reality floating around in blog land, but still...

9 comments:

this is funny because YOUR blog is always one of the ones that makes me feel uncreative and boring! I am always in awe of your craftiness and amazing eye for what will really look beautiful.

And yes, I too have to really limit myself on the computer. I'm still trying so hard on this. Maybe you should head up a "I will only sit down at the computer three times a day!" group. I would join.

Here's one of my problems: whenever I post something I have to check obsessively to see if anyone has commented. Like, every two seconds, because what if nobody likes me anymore and I'm boring? Aaahhh--it's a vicious cycle!

you crack me up. yes, i think a zillion young moms are obsessed with blogs, etc. yes, reality in blogland is not quite reality. yes, i totally have self-esteem issues when i do too much blogging. it's just one more thing that we have to find moderation in and it's just so darn hard! anyway you are funny and you are not alone. now, on to something really important: do you want to get crafty together when i am there? i really want to do some sewing projects--want to do them with me? ok well i can't wait to squish that little avery.

I'm totally with you on this one. I have to tell myelf all the time to clean the house before I can get on the computer. It's so addicting. Mostly because it is so fun to get comments, but also because I feel like I have all these friends that can help me out with any problem I might have and can totally relate to my life right now with little kids.

Hee hee! Blogs are addictive. It's true. I have a few rules I try to follow (and I'm not perfect at them, but I try):

1. Only read the blogs in my reader. I don't have too many and it usually only averages maybe 3-4 new posts a day. That's only 5-10 minutes of reading tops! (I do stray from this a bit, but I try really hard to keep it in control.)2. Stay busy. Because when I'm busy, I'm not online. Period. And you know what, I love those days. I hate the days I spend a lot of time online. 3. Prioritize. I often ask myself this question: "would I rather be on the floor playing with Charlie? Or reading this thing online?" The answer is always playing with Charlie. Teaching him. Sometimes it's doing my dishes (because a clean kitchen make my mood happier), taking a walk, going to get the mail, thinking of a fun errand to run and running it, calling friends, etc. 4. (this one's new) replacing time I used to spend online, studying the scriptures, reading the ensign, just general "filling up my lamp" kind of things. I really try to have as much of an eternal perspective as possible in my life, and when it comes right down to it, blogs just aren't that important when I really think about. My blog is important to me, because I'm writing down the happenings in our life and I'm happy I do it, and other peoples blogs have there place and time in my day. They are fun to read. But when it comes right down to it, do I want Charlie to remember me always being on the computer or reading my scriptures or playing with him?

Don't get me wrong, I totally hear you on this. I've been trying to make a conscience effort lately to improve the quality of the time in my days. Today's world is bombarding us with so many different things that distract from what's really important in this life. And it's hard to stay focused. Really hard. And a daily struggle. But I think it's really important to stay focused. At least it is for me. I get distracted easily.

Since I made my blog private a funny thing has happened. I blog much more for me and my little family then for the people that read my blog. Because I know who reads my blog and there just aren't that many of them (especially when they can't even log on :)) I don't really expect comments and that is oddly freeing. It's made blogging a lot more enjoyable and has cleared up my purpose for wanting to do it.

Whoa, this is a long comment. Basically what I'm saying is we are all there. The internet is a huge distraction and sometimes a good one. It's just all about moderation. Anyways, I guess I have to make rules like this because I've been at home (jobless) for a while now. Years actually. I've been making rules like this for a while and they help me. And it's definitely a process and there is always relapse! But just plow forward.

Ok seriously this is the longest comment ever made. I hope this helps. Maybe we should just get together more often. Not necessarily to do anything, just hang out. That would keep us offline! I'll call you soon!

I just have to say you are one of the MOST creative and wonderful people I know. IF something is not making you feel good about yourself, then stop doing it (like comparing yourself to blogs you view). YOU ARE SO AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU!!

wow...thanks for all of the supportive comments. Kate you crack me up! I think you are right about having rules though. I think I just tend to walk a way from the internet for a week or two when I start feeling this way. And just so you know that I am not a bad parent, I wanted to clarify that I never am on the computer when Avery is awake...just when she is sleeping, but what I should be doing is cleaning or some of those other great things you were mentioning instead. When she is awake it is never hard for me to pay attention to her. It is hard for me to pay attention to other things though.

And your line about eternal perspective...did you know that is the thing Trav said to me that made me want to Marry him? So I always smile when I hear someone say that.

Well I hope my comment didn't come off the wrong way. I was kind of babbling! It's easy for me to be on the computer when Charlie is awake since we have a laptop and it just hangs around! So that was for me. I actually really appreciated this post! You're such a good mom and you have no idea how much I look up to you and you inspire me to be a better mama! It was late when I left that comment and if I don't have rules, I get distracted so easily!!! It's on of my many downfalls! Blah, blah, you know I love you.

And ps. those pics of Avery on your other site are SO CUTE!!! Oh my gosh, I have a crush on her!