Regretfully Yours…

Do you ever wish that life had a rewind button? What a question, you say! But do you? Because I do. I used to say that I didn’t have regrets because anything I regretted was a good learning opportunity (insert eye roll here). I don’t buy that anymore. Nope! I am all for do-overs now! In fact, I truly don’t know how people say they don’t have regrets. I mean doesn’t everyone have at least 1? Or um, 20?! Are they superhuman?! Pollyannas?? Monks?! Who can say! But since I love facebook polls, and my friends are always willing to entertain my madness by being my guinea pigs, I asked some of them what their biggest regrets are. You know the drill…SURVEY SAID!

“I regret I was too busy earning a living instead of living a life. Wow, where did the time go? Sometimes, I would trade my future for one yesterday to go back and connect with my daughter more.” ~Rob

“My biggest regrets are my marriages. Both of them. Would I change it? That’s difficult to answer. Yes, I would love to go back in time and know as a young woman that I would choose to learn who I am and what I truly want in life instead of clinging to “comfortable” and “what’s expected”. But in doing so, I would be erasing my two greatest joys. I think my mistakes have shaped me into the bitch I am today and I say that in a positive light, not a negative one. But most importantly, those regrets and mistakes have allowed me to raise a daughter who is too smart, too independent, and too driven to repeat them.” ~Tiffany

“One of my biggest regrets is not doing what I wanted to do right out of high school…attend pharmacy school. It was my desire almost all through high school, and well, things happened. Other paths were taken, degrees were earned, and life took its course. Then, one day, the opportunity was given to me. I snatched it and haven’t looked back. I’m currently making that regret a reality as I’m a P1 student, living the Dream, busting ass, and loving each and every day. It’s not always cupcakes and gumdrops, but I’m surviving because I want it that bad! The best quote, which hangs in my apartment is, ‘Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you have imagined’. I’m doing this, one day at a time.” ~Josh

“Worrying about always being perfect. Or right. Always doing everything the perfect way, no matter what the cost. It still eats at me so much that I forget to enjoy life. It’s almost like an anxiety attack in motion because it has to be right all the time. And if it isn’t, it’s ‘oh no!’ and I beat myself up. It is really sad because I want to enjoy my life before I go home. My goal is to be pleasing to God while still relishing in living.” ~Molly

“Tricky to answer because even my mistakes/regrets (marriages!) resulted in having my two much-loved daughters and learning valuable skills. Ultimately my mistakes led me to where I am. Having said that, I deeply regret not standing up for myself or heeding my inner compass when it was wildly waving red flags to warn me against settling for less than genuine magic in my relationships. That’s a long explanation. The short version is: I regret not valuing myself enough when I was younger which resulted in my accepting less (of everything!) than I deserved.” ~Marie

“My biggest regret is that I quit riding horses when I was 15. I had a crush on a guy in the band, and I gave up one of my true loves (horses) for marching band. I have actually told many psychiatrists about this over the years! What was I thinking? If I could change it, I would have never quit riding! I would have horses of my own and be able to ride every week!” ~Maura

“My regret is staying longer than I should have in a dead-end relationship. It was my very first relationship. I wasn’t happy, but I put his happiness above my own and tried to be happy. I kinda think I loved him more than I loved myself, but I just wasn’t in love with him any longer. And of course, I regret my relationship with Satan (name omitted to protect the not-so-innocent!) LOL! I let someone else’s opinion determine and change my way of thinking because he convinced me that I was all wrong and he was right, regardless what the situation was.” ~Wendy

“The only regret I have, truly, is that I didn’t wake up sooner to creating a blissful life, instead of leaving it up to someone else.” ~Melissa

(Side note: Make sure you stay tuned because Melissa is guest blogging for me next week on this very subject! You do not want to miss it!)

When I think about my own regrets, I don’t have just one. I probably have 500, but if I told you every single one of them, we’d be here all day! My absolute biggest regret is not ever having children and if I still had a uterus, I would probably pop out 10 of them! I was born to be a mother and I already know who I’d want the daddy to be. He’s got great genes and with his good looks and my green eyes, we would have created some beautiful, beautiful babies! But enough about that. My other regrets??? Rather than giving you the whole list, I’ll share the top 10 with you instead:

…allowing others to be less of a friend to me than I ever was to them.

…not completing my degree in my 20s when I had my first go-round of college, but back then, I was too hung up on being a grown up and thought it would be more fun to work for a living (egads!).

…not setting strong boundaries sooner than I did with people I allowed to take advantage of me over and over (notice I said I “allowed it”–we teach people how to treat us, and I own that).

…refusing to leave the church with my maid of honor on my wedding day when she tried to turn me into the runaway bride–not because I didn’t love my former husband, but because we were just better-suited for other people and I could have saved both of us from years and years of unhappiness if I had just gotten into that little red Audi, veil flying everywhere, and flown the coop with my Chica (and if I was a betting girl, I’d bet that he probably wishes I had fled the church too! Okay scratch that, because I discussed this with him before sharing it and he told me to go for it haha! See? Ex-spouses can still be friends…thankful!).

…getting a tattoo to piss my mother off (yes, I love sunflowers, but I wish like hell I didn’t have one on my right ankle…and just because I know it will make you laugh, my grandmother told me I had shamed the family–little does she know that I’ve done much worse but wish I hadn’t).

…not listening to my gut instincts–because every time I didn’t, I paid the piper dearly.

…loving a man so much that I lost myself in the process and conveniently forgot that my needs were just as important as his were.

…letting fear and societal expectations rule my every move because it seemed easier to be a people pleaser.

…keeping secrets that I should never have kept and sacrificing myself so that others could remain selfishly comfortable (holy cow–now that’s a biggie!)’

Regrets are lessons, yes. Disappointments are an unfortunate part of life, you betcha (don’t you hate that?!). Making mistakes enables us to be better people and if we didn’t make them, we would never experience growth on any level (I don’t know about you, but there are some days where I think I’ve had all the character-building I can possibly stand!). Hindsight is truly 20/20. I can always look back and see the mistakes I’ve made very clearly. Did I know they were mistakes when I was making them? Probably, but I didn’t listen to myself because my idea of how things should be always overshadowed what they were in reality. We beat ourselves up with woulda-coulda-shoulda rather than accepting that we’re human and sometimes, we fall into the insanity of continuing to commit the same faux pas over and over again because we didn’t learn our lesson the first time (character building, remember?).

Listen, we’ve all created flawed, unpretty, abhorrent things. We all, at one time or another, wish we had done better by the people we loved and sometimes hope that they still love us just enough to forgive us for the 10th or the 100th time for being stuck on stupid. We’ve all hated ourselves for not doing the right thing when we knew that we were doing the wrong one and all of us have opened our mouth only to insert our foot by saying something careless in a moment of heated anger. I think the saddest part about regret is that we spend so much time looking at the closed door that we forget to look through the cracks of the open ones that might offer an even better prize than door #1 ever did. Things that make you go hmm….

The truth is, we will all have regrets at one time or another. The key is to be able to make our peace with it, however, that’s done. Forgiving ourselves is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes, no doubt. And anytime we have big dreams or things we want to achieve in our lifetime, I think it’s just part of it, that in some way or another, we’ll feel disappointment when things don’t go exactly how we envisioned that they would; but I think Linda Poindexter summed it up nicely when she said, “One small crack does mean that you are broken, it means that you were put to the test and you didn’t fall apart”.

I am the voice behind Truly Madly Sassy and currently reside on the coast of North Carolina with my dog Snickers. I’m a full-time social work major, a suicide prevention advocate, a most-of-the-time writer, a part-time mermaid, an iPhone junkie, a bit of a wandering free-spirit, and a self-proclaimed princess. I’m a lover of all things chocolate, a staunch Starbucks addict, a sap for Rumi’s poetry, and a tried-and-true believer in happily ever after.

Comments

You said you regret not having children and I think you should seriously consider adopting. You would be practically saving a life (or more) because you would be offering a second chance to a child that otherwise may not get it. And I can tell you from personal experience that adopted kids are the best and might love you more than your own kids! I’ve always been pro adoption; have adopted my 2 dogs and then I adopted 2 kids and both were the best decisions ever!

“I think everyone has regrets and things they wish they could “”do-over”” differently. I definitely do, though at the same time, I really love the life I have now, and though I have regrets, I don’t know whether I would still be in the same situation if I was to have done things differently in my past. And, perhaps, if I did things differently I would still have a life I love, but I don’t think it would be the same life I have now, and that thought makes me sad. So yes, I definitely have regrets – some regrets that even upset me or make me feel ashamed, and I think most people do have these regrets. But, I don’t think there is any point focusing on these regrets, because a) we can’t change them, and b) at the end of the day, they contributed to who we are today. All we can do is learn from our regrets and our mistakes, so we don’t make the same ones again.”

“I like how you said you might still have a life you love if you’d done things differently, but that it wouldn’t be the same life you have now. That’s perspective right there, Kelly! Glad to see you again! Come back soon!”

“I could picture my thousand regrets upon reading through this post. I’ve so many of them (regrets). But each time I recall it makes me so sad and the pains seem unbearable. I just want to let go. I’m glad I read through this post, it just gave me the courage that I’m not alone on this path and I can still move on with my life. Thanks”

“None of us are alone, Esther, and I’d rather learn how to have less regrets as each day passes. Sometimes it takes a village to be courageous…make sure you have a good support system <3 Thanks for your comment!"

So interesting to read about other people’s regrets. Helps me to try and not make similar mistakes. Sometimes in relationships it gets tricky not to act all weird and do things that are out of character or do something that you regret.

“This post was like reading a page out of my own diary. Not only did it hit home, but it’s refreshing to see I’m no the only one. There are so many things that I regret and wish I could change…one thing happened just today. Even though I can’t go back and change anything, I know it’s all shaping who I am supposed to be in the future.”

“At one time, I thought I had many regrets. When you have trouble with anxiety, it is easy to pin point things that you would have liked to do differently. The thing is, had I done these things different – there is a good chance I would have never met my husband. While I would have loved things to start differently and still end up with him, I don’t regret anything. I am married to my best friend. :)”

“I believe I read this when it was first written, and back then, I too was going through some major “”stuff”” lol.:-)I recall how impactful this piece was and how intense it was because of it’s unshaking truth. Even from a male perspective, it did not matter. It is meant for us all. Then, last night, a good friend of mine from work tells me about this wonderful article she just read. Well, she sends me the link, and it’s THIS same article! I could have cried…Anyway, I read it again to reabsorb it, and once again the timing is spot on as I am now going through some other transformations. We’re always evolving aren’t we? So, I sent it to a few other friends who I know would benefit from reading it too.I have to say that from all the amazing things that I read: books, magazines, articles, et al, THIS is one of the best.Thank you so much for writing it!”

“This is an interesting post. I had to really think if I regret anything in my life and I regret very few things like not studying at university sooner, and not travelling more, and being reckless with money but when I look at my life now, I am so in love with it and I am happy with who I am and the people in my life so I wouldn’t change a thing. I have had terrible experiences happen to me but I don’t have any regrets on them because they truely have made me into the strong woman I am today. I am thankful for all my life experiences. The good and the bad.”

“I also don’t know how people live without regrets. It is part of human life! I think your friends are rather cool too. I’ve been following your blog for awhile now, and I always thoroughly enjoy it when you use their pictures and what they say. It just makes things more real and as a blogger myself, I know how it is with readers: they want to know EVERYTHING about us and they eat it up when we allow them a glimpse into our personal lives. To be so new to blogging, you’ve got it down pat. Kudos to you! I’ll be back!”

“Wow! This is dead on! Especially about not valuing yourself and knowing your worth. And, I have been screaming to anyone who would listen…people will only treat you poorly if you allow it. You teach them how to treat you and they either change or leave. Either way, you win!”

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OH HI THERE!

My name is Kristi McAllister. I’m a full-time student, a most-of- the-time writer, a part-time mermaid, an iPhone junkie, a dog mom, a bit of a wandering free-spirit, and a self-proclaimed princess.
I’m a lover of all things chocolate, a staunch Starbucks addict, a sap for Rumi’s poetry, and a tried-and-true believer in happily ever after.

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