‘Movie 43’: 43 Questions About This Bizarre Movie

By now, you’ve seen obscene trailers and perplexing photos from the forthcoming Relativity Media film Movie 43. You’ve caught glimpses of an oafish Batman (Jason Sudeikis) and a gawky Robin (Justin Long), of a sordid dime store love affair between Emma Stone and Kieran Culkin, of an ill-conceived home schooling regime instituted by parents Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber, and of a game of Truth or Dare gone horribly awry when competitors Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant take things a smidge too far… among many, many other odd sights.

And despite all that we’ve seen so far, we’re still pretty in the dark about a lot of what the hell is going on in the trailers and pictures released by Relativity. In fact, since the film began sharing material, we’ve gathered more questions than we have answers. So, in preparation for the upcoming flick, and in honor of the unprecedented confusion inspired by this project’s marketing team, we’ve gotten together all of our big queries (all 43… and yes, that is entirely a coincidence) about Movie 43. Feel free to chime in if you can solve any of these riddles.

1. First off, what exactly does “Movie 43” mean?

2. Is the title in any way connected to the phrase “Rule 43” (if you search for a long enough time, you can find anything on the Internet)?

3. Are there Movies 1 through 42?

4. Are any of them good?

5. Okay, so we know that this movie has Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman, Dennis Quaid, Richard Gere, Halle Berry… how did they get all these people to agree to do the movie?

6. Does Peter Farrelly have dirt on each of them?

7. Is he holding their loved ones hostage?

8. Maybe they’re just into this kind of comedy. Which brings us to the question: what kind of comedy is this?

9. We’ve heard mention of people with genitalia on their chins, self-pleasuring cats, and electronic devices that take the form of naked women. So, we’re guessing pretty raunchy?

10. Is this one of those comedies that’s just shock-for-the-sake-of-shock?

11. And considering all this disturbing material, we ask again: How did they get Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman, and Halle Berry on board?

12. Speaking of Kate Winslet, what’s she up to in this movie?

13. Is she on a date with Hugh Jackman?

14. If so, why does she look so disgusted with him?

15. Does this have anything to do with the aforementioned chin genitalia?

16. And speaking of disgust, what’s up with Elizabeth Banks?

17. Is she dating Josh Duhamel?

18. If so, why does she look so disgusted with him?

19. Does this have anything to do with the aforementioned self-pleasuring cat?

20. What else is going on with this movie?

21. Are Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber playing a married couple?

22. Aren’t they married in real life?

23. Or are they just dating?

24. There seem to be a lot of things going on in this movie: superheroes, blind dates, leprechauns, basketball teams. Are they in any way connected?

25. If they’re not related, then what’s the deal?

26. Are they strung together like Looney Tunes clips?

27. Or maybe Paris, je t’aime vignettes?

28. Oh, I thought of another Winslet question. Can we go back to her?

29. Yes?

30. Thanks. Wikipedia lists her character’s name as Juliet Hulme. Isn’t that the character she played in Heavenly Creatures?

31. Is she playing the same character, or is it just a gag on the name?

32. Have you guys seen Heavenly Creatures?

33. Is it good?

34. Okay, back to Movie 43. Are Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant on a date in this movie?

35. Are all of these sketches about people on dates?

36. Isn’t Emma Stone’s sketch with one of the Culkins about the two of them on some kind of weird date?

37. Which Culkin is that?

38. Kieran?

39. Has he ever been in anything?

40. Did you know that Macaulay Culkin is a cast member on Robot Chicken?

41. Damnit, another tangent! And we only have three questions left to go! Um, um… so, is this movie going to stand out as a historic landmark of American culture, depicting the human condition with an unprecedented sincerity, illustrating with a valor beyond the likes of any Renaissance artist, civil rights musician, or the Bard himself the authentic plight of an individual’s soul in this wayfaring hell we call life?