Their sentiments about LGBTQ people are no surprise, but this time they added an extra tasty topping: condemnation to anybody who affirms and accepts the LGBTQ community.

That's right, folks, Article 10 of the Nashville Statement states that as the proud mom of a queer kid, I am no longer a "faithful Christian."

Because, as we all know, THE BIBLE CLEARLY SAYS that we are saved by faith--and rejecting gay people. (insert sarcasm emoji)

In order to be a Christian according to this bunch of doodads, I'd have to reject my queer kid, and we all know that has a snowball's chance on a hot Texas day.

It will never, ever happen, no matter how many threats come my way or who makes them.

Just last week, a stranger on Facebook told me that I am "worse than a gay person" because I'm affirming.

I wasn't 100% sure what that accusation could possibly mean--until this Nashville thing hit right in the middle of the Houston hurricane.

Then it all became clear: of course! I must have latent superpowers!

If gay people can cause all this Houston havoc by their simple existence, and they're just minor riff-raff compared to me, imagine what I can do!

Cuz I'm WORSE, y'all! WORSE!!!

I feel like Peter Parker when spider webs just start randomly shooting out of his fingers. He had no idea about that spider bite, but now he can climb walls and everything.

So, even though I've been officially ejected from the evangelical fold, I'm pretty pumped.

Like Peter Parker's spider bite: voila! I've got superpowers!

So far, my superpower seems to be expressing a lot of sarcasm and a real gift for playing loud music like Tom Petty I Won't Back Down and the Dixie Chicks Not Ready to Make Nice.

But I'm hoping this will all settle into something along the lines of what Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. talked about:

"So the question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. Will we be extremists for hate or for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice or for the extension of justice?" Martin Luther King, Jr.

I've been told in the past that I love too much, and I'm hoping that's where my superpowers will lie: as an extremist for Love.

(And maybe just a little tropical disturbance every now and again, if my LGBTQ loves will give me the downlow on how they conjure that stuff up.)