Sharing Inspiring Self-Help Wisdom By Author, Marilyn Fowler

Menu

Self Help

Dear Readers.We all experience miracles in our lives. Some people only see a small coincidence, but others see an amazing miracle and never forget. Today I was reminded of one of my miracles. And I’d like to share it with you.

Of Course

Sometimes our prayers are answered in unexpected ways. When this happens to me, my initial response is usually one of amazement. But within a short time, I respond with of course and a knowing smile of gratitude.

One such blessing occurred when I worked in Administration for a Mental Health Agency coordinating services in five nursing homes. As a Psychotherapist, I’d worked in various settings, but now my work had become unfulfilling, and I felt overwhelmed and disillusioned. I made a list to satisfy my work needs, but after a week of good intentions, nothing came of it. So when one of the Counselors could not come into work, I filled in for her myself and gathered information on new patients to complete our files.

It was late in the day when I entered Martha’s room, my last patient, before leaving the nursing home. Martha was eighty-one years old, a frail woman with white hair and hazy blue eyes. Her face held lines pinched with time as if she hadn’t smiled since she was young. She was oriented and alert, but in a highly agitated state when I approached her. She sat on the edge of her bed wringing her hands and swaying from side to side. She looked at me but didn’t acknowledge my presence.

I pulled a chair over beside her. “It’s all right, dear,” I said. “I just want to talk with you for a while.” She watched curiously as I held her small hands and quietly began to calm her while asking questions for my files. “What kind of work did you do? How far did you go in school?”

He body became still, and she continued watching me. But she had not spoken when she suddenly reared back and asked with serious eyes, “Did God send you?”

Her question startled me, but I considered the importance of this situation. “Well…maybe He did,” I answered and smiled.

“Well, I think He did,” she said with firm conviction.

At that moment I decided my files could be completed another time, and I became open and receptive to whatever God had in mind for us. Martha began to relax and spoke of times she spent with her children when they were small. Her hands stopped shaking and her face lit up with memories of swimming in the creek, John learning to read, and Billy chasing chickens around the yard. She was engrossed in her stories. And I listened.

In a while, her head nodded, and her breathing became shallow. I saw she was tired, so I suggested she lay back on her pillow. When she was comfortably settled, I moved closer and asked if she could imagine things in her head. She nodded. Then I asked, “Can you imagine yourself a little child cradled in God’s loving arms, feeling safe and at peace?”

“Yes, I can do that,” she answered, slowly closing her sleepy eyes.

I watched her face for a moment and saw her thin mouth broaden into a peaceful smile. “I have to go now,” I said. “But you rest and know that anytime you feel nervous and upset, you can just go insideand be with God, and He will comfort you.”

“Mmm hmm.” She squeezed my hand.

I left the room and felt my own peace as I stood in the hallway and glanced back at her. Now my work-needs list contained only one item. My answer was clear. I had to work with patients like Martha.Of course, I thought, and I felt a knowing smile of gratitude.

.

.

Yes, miracles happen. Of course, they do. And sometimes they bring a smile. But is a miracle a happenstance? Is it a blessing from God? Is it angels knocking on your door? You interpret them in your own way as they make sense to you. But know when you experience one. And some miracles may even change your life.

Recently I was sitting outside watching leaves fall from the big oak trees, and I saw the first blossoms on my camellia bushes revel in the sunshine. A baby lizard ran behind the patio chair, and I heard birds talking bird language celebrating our early spring. I live in Florida, and we never know when an unpredictable weather change will arrive. So we go with the flow and welcome the beautiful change when it comes.

As I watched this change unfolding in nature, I thought aboutour own livesand the positive and negative changes we experience all the time. When life is going good, we coast along in the ‘status quo’ and don’t want anything to rock our boat. Then there are times we pray for or initiate a change to move us out of the mess we’re in. Change is a law of the universe. Things are always moving, repositioning, increasing and decreasing, or taking a different form. And nothing stands still.

“There are two types of change: the change we choose and the change that chooses us.” ~ Linda Ellerbee

Some changes are so subtle we don’t even notice them happening. In the midst of a dull brain fog, I may notice a tremendous idea that quietly crept in. Or I’m amazed at how quickly dust accumulates on the furniture. It wasn’t there yesterday. But other devastating changes may hit suddenly, and these can affect our health, work, finances, relationships, any part of our life. Sometimes we have options, and we can choose what we want to change. But other times we’re forced to accept what we don’t want. And that’s life.

Changes may be easy or difficult, but either way, you could run into some inner obstacles. With a commitment to release something and create something new, you may feel overwhelmed. How canyou let go of what’s familiar and learn a new way? Or maybe you cling to an uncomfortable situation because you fear the unknown. And resistance sets in. Or you might experience the loss of someone or something good in your life, and you have to make painful changes to adjust.

“In the waves of change, we find our true direction.” ~ Unknown

Change is inevitable, sometimes with unpredictable outcomes. We’re constantly being moved along our path with no two moments the same, and we can’t live in our status quo for long. Life is aboutgrowth, and we can’t grow with our feet in mud from the last rain. The new rain has new puddles. Maybe it’s time for new puddles.“All that you touch you change. All that you change changes you.” ~Octavia Butler

Examine various issues in your life, maybe feelings, an attitude, a situation. Observe the bigger picture of yourself and your life, and imagine how you want it to be. Then decide if you’d like to release something, change for the better, or create something new. There’s no need to feel overwhelmed, afraid to change, or resistant to it. Everything you need is within you, and awareness supplies courage to make changes you might want. And if you feel now that your status quo is fine with you, just love yourself and be prepared for changes in the future. Remember change is inevitable.

Recently I came across a poem I’ve had for many years, and it reminds me of changes I’ve experienced in my life. The poem is quite revealing.

I apologize for this article being late, but I just came through a mountain of my own, and it took a while to catch up. I hope you enjoy this reading. Maybe it will sound familiar.

Many blessings to all.

“You are not IN the mountains. The mountains are in YOU.” ~John Muir

Life is a series of the good times that warm our heart and put a smile on our face, or times so painful we wonder if we’ll survive, and all those in-between times we call routine. We hope for the good ones, but sometimes we’re faced with sudden challenges that knock us off our routine path. Each of us is on our own unique journey, and whatever is on one path may not be on another. we never know what each tomorrow will bring. But we’re all faced with something, some time. And we all have our mountains to move.
Pain comes on many levels. Some situations nullify your plans like when you’re ready for work and your car has a flat, or you receive notice you didn’t pay your mortgage, or you forget to register your kid for summer day camp, etc. Others can mean life-shattering devastation like sudden illness, loss of a job, a death of a loved one, financial loss, the list goes on. Some experiences are extremely hard while others seem less demanding, but whatever the severity, life pushes us to learn and grow from each experience.

How do you respond when a challenge hits?Maybe the first thought is to panic with a ‘what if’attitude. What if I’m late for work; what if this ruins my credit; what if my kid thinks I forgot because I don’t care. Or more serious, what if I don’t get well; what if I can’t find another job; what if I can’t find peace; what if I lose everything. Our attention is usually so turned toward the outside, we often don’t listen to what’s going on inside. Are you thinking fear, lack, I can’t do it, or any other defeating notion? These thoughts may be your biggest mountains, and only you can move them.

“When you focus on faith rather than fear, you tap into a strength to carry you over even the tallest mountains.” ~ Gail Lynne Goodwin

Challenges in our life are teaching experiences, and every mountain serves a purpose. They present opportunities to discover something we need on our journey. And they help us realize our strength in overcoming. Turn your mind from fear to faith, and deny that any self-defeating beliefs have power over you. Then replace them with the truth. “There is nothing to fear, I have everything I need, I have faith in the Power within to move mountains, and I have faith in myself to be guided and strengthened. I can do it.” Give these ideas positive energy, and they will manifest in positive ways.
As you build on your faith, move away from worries, and move toward a solution. Step back, and gauge the size of the mountain you’re facing. There’s a saying, “Don’t make mountains out of molehills.” How big is your mountain really? It might be just a little hill to step over. Size up the mountain, and create a plan. Ask, “How big is it, and what can I do about it? What are the consequences if I can’t fix it? Where can I find help if I need it?” Etc. Accept where you are, and voice your intention to move forward.

“The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” ~Confucius

Don’t feel like you have to hurry through this. Someone once told me that when you’re working with a life challenge, remember it’s a process, and you have to allow it to unfold in its time, as you’re doing what’s yours to do. She also said that each time we overcome a challenge, something insidechanges, and we’re better for it. So take the time you need to move your mountain, and welcome the change within yourself.

“For every mountain, there is a miracle.” ~Robert H. Schuller

Moving mountains isn’t easy. It takes practice and patience, knowing that each overcoming moves you closer to being more of what you’re meant to be. And if there’s something you can’t get past right now, it’s okay. You haven’t failed. Celebrate the mountains you’ve moved, and be grateful for those you haven’t. They’re part of your journey and will serve a purpose. Their time will come. And youare blessed.

“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.” ~ Robin Williams

The words we speak not only affect others but they affect the speaker too. We assign meanings to the words we use and those we hear. And these meanings register in our mind, affecting the way we think and feel. Words are powerful tools that can bring happiness to a broken heart, peace to a tired soul, whimsical laughter to a child at play. They convey profound ideas or play with the absurd. They describe our neighbors and discuss the latest gossip.“The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.” ~Thomas Jefferson

One word can be as powerful as a whole sentence. When something pushes our buttons, a sentence may push us into a hole, while just one word can get us over the hump. Many people have a ‘key’word they use to reduce stress or to express an attitude or feeling. When my daughter was a small child, she sat on the floor putting a toy together while I visited with my mother-in-law. Suddenly, she said, “Oh, dammit.” And my mother-in-law glared in shock. I tried to cover up with, “I wonder where she got that.” Then she looked up and commented, “What, Mommy, that word you say?” Well, I just sank further into my chair. And yes, I changed my favorite word.
The user of a keyword has to really feel the word for it to become a meaningful habit. Maybe you’ve heard people use ‘oh, well’, ‘really’, ‘whew’, etc. My favorite word now is ‘whatever’. I rarely use it in conversation, but it has an amazing ability to release a tremendous load of stress when I push to frustration trying to accomplish something. To me, it means the situation is not the end of the world, so I can just let it go, at least for now.

Words are powerful. They can create or they can destroy. So choose your words wisely. ~Unknown

Words have been known to change whole civilizations when a crazy person sits in the power seat spouting directions to his helpless subjects. They gather in the streets carrying signs with words of protest. But they remain helpless, and eventually bend to oppression. When we hear false statements long enough, we tend to believe them. And today we live in a world where words have transformed peaceful, caring minds into ‘us and them’ attitudes filled with judgment, hate, anger, fear, and separation from one another. Now is when words of love and peace are needed. And a good place to start is with our words to ourselves about who we are.

“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.” ~Anthony Robbins

Thoughts speak with words, and these words create beliefs and feelings about ourselves and others. Listen carefully to what your own thoughts are saying about you. Are there doubts about the truth of who you are? And have you allowed the words of others to sway your vision of your true self? Look closely at your self-image, and answer these questions. Then use descriptive words to reveal the truth about you, words like honest, loyal, intelligent, kind, good-looking, anything positive. And add some words for negative traits you can work on. We all have those.
I think three things are important for people to feel whole and fulfilled...understanding, validation, and caring. All of these can be accomplished in the way we speak to others and in the way we hear others speak to us. Too often in conversations, we’re just hearing words, and not really hearing the other person. But if you listen with a caring attitude and your words reflect on what they’re saying, they’ll hear and feel the goodness that is you. Both will feel whole and fulfilled. And they will notforget.

Today, we’re living in a time when too many people have chosen a hateful journey. And we all suffer. Make your journey one of peace, harmony, and love. And let your words reveal this in you and as you. Then our journey may have a different future.

“Human life runs its course in the metamorphosis between receiving and giving.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If you’ve decided what you want in your life this year, hopefully, you trust that you’ll receive your desires. This approach raises your vibrational energy to attract the good you want. And once you raise this vibrational level, your good will come. It sounds great. But what if your desires don’t materialize, and you wonder why the process isn’t working?Desire and faith are necessary for the abundance process. But the Universal Law of giving and receiving requires balance in both giving and taking. And when we go against the very nature of this law we suffer. Takers lack close connection with others, while givers may feel discomfort in receiving. This lack of balance produces negative energy inhibiting ability to receive what the Universe is waiting to give.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” ~Les Brown

Many people suffer from fear of receiving, and this fear limits their quality of life. And they unknowingly block their good. Their fear may run from mild discomfort to a sense of guilt, unworthiness, greed, all kinds of painful feelings. They sense a blockage inside but have no idea where it’s coming from. They’re unaware that reasons behind a blockage are childhood messages hidden in their subconscious. These messages lead to believing that giving is good, but receiving is selfish or shameful. These false beliefs remain with us all of our life unless we learn the truth about giving and receiving.
Our good comes to us in different ways from small gifts to life-changing situations. But when false beliefs remain in our subconscious and motivate our choices, we fail to receive much that could enrich our lives. We sometimes fail to receive gifts, because we think it’s wrong to accept from others. Or we fail to accept an important job because we believe we’re not capable. Or we miss an ocean cruise believing, “Nothing turns out right for me.” Those messages reduce our vibrational energy, and this affects our life.

As a child, I was taught that asking for or receiving something is selfish. I felt undeserving and spent much of my life with guilt in the pit of my stomach if expected to receive something. And much good eluded me because of my resistance to receiving. Later when my mother grew older and lived on social security, she taught me another lesson. Whenever she wanted to buy me even a small gift, I refused, feeling she couldn’t afford it. Then one time she cried and said, “Don’t you know when yourefuse to accept my gift, you take away my pleasure in giving?” She must have learned something since my childhood years. and I learned that when one gives and another receives, both are blessed.

“We are Divine enough to ask, and we are important enough to receive.” ~Wayne Dyer

The Universe hears what we believe and answers in kind. And negative or false beliefs interfere with Universal Law. So if what we want is to become a reality, we must be open and receptive to receiving our good. There are ways to overcome inner blockages, but it takes some practice.1. Begin by giving to yourself, even in small ways, and rejoice in your gifts to yourself. Learn to feel good about receiving.

2. Talk to your inner child, and teach him/her about the law of giving and receiving.

3. When appropriate, ask for and accept what you want, even if it feels uncomfortable.

4. Watch your thoughts and feelings when you’re offered something but feel you ‘should not’ accept. Talk to your feelings and confront that resistance. Affirm your right to receive.

5. Work on forgiving and releasing any old negative beliefs, attitudes, people, and experiences to make room for the new.

6. Learn to tolerate discomfort until it stops being a problem. And given time, it will.

Using the law of giving and receiving promotes physical, mental, and spiritual well-being, and weand the world are blessed. Give to and receive from others, and open your mind and heart to receiving what the Universe has for you. Enjoy the peace you feel from both. You are worthy.

“Sometimes you have to look back in order to understand the things that lie ahead.” ~Yvonne Woon

As we think of the year ahead, we remember last year and what we want to bring with us and what we want to leave behind…and how many times we’ve made that same transition. Maybe we realize our minds and hearts are not time bound.All the years are connected, and nostalgia takes us back to years past, other times, people, and places. We may begin a new journey, but our past is part of us. And from time to time we cross the bridge to yesterday.
It’s one thing to remember an experience, but another to relive your thoughts and feelings from that experience. The word ‘nostalgia’ explains this phenomenon. Merriam-Webster describes homesickness, a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to some past period or irrecoverable condition. Cambridge English Dictionary says a feeling of pleasure and sometimes sadness at the same time as you think about things that happened in the past. A bittersweet yearning for a past experience.

“Looking back and learning will enable you to move forward.” ~Eileen Brown

Many times I’ve heard it said, “Don’t look back. If you look back, you can’t move forward. Leave it all back there, and move on.” That attitude may be feasible in some situations. But I don’t believe it’sgenerally workable, because many of your decisions today are based on something you learned in your past. Every day is preparation for the next one.
Nostalgia can serve a purpose in your life with opportunities to reach forgotten parts of you, maybe parts you need to feel again. In the nostalgic state, you can re-experience happiness from other times, or share again with loved ones, or re-visit childhood laughter that releases current burdens and stress. Or your nostalgic experiences might furnish a second chance to correct past mistakes when you fell short of intentions, or you failed to say kind words someone needed to hear, or you haven’t forgiven someone…or yourself. Or you might learn more about dealing with bittersweet experiences when they fill your heart with sadness.

These are not just memories. You feel every second of nostalgic experiences. Pain lies in wanting to go back, see people and places again, be in what you may feel was a better place. You smile and yearn to relive the happy times. You cry and long to hug those who are gone. You may think of ways to correct your mistakes. And you realize that yesterday is as much a part of your life as is tomorrow. It all belongs on your journey.

As I’ve grown older, I find I miss the old times more. I remember an Alaskan cruise with dear friends, a cross-country trip with my best buddy who is gone now, dancing to exhaustion, jumping into a pool from the high diving board with all my clothes on, and holding my sides with laughter at a friend’s silly joke. I also remember seeing my mother right after she died, and saying words to her I wished I’d said sooner. And other sad times that bring tears. But even happy ones can be bittersweet, because they’re gone. But re-visit is what our minds do.

“When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn’t the old home you missed but your childhood.” ~Sam Ewing

Sometimes what we think we’re missing is not really what we’re missing. For instance, your longing for your childhood home may create quite a surprise. You hear it’s empty now, so you return and tour the house. But as you move around inside, what captures your attention is not the house at all, but the childhood you’re missing. This actually happened to me, and when I found my old house, my heart ached remembering and missing that child and the family who shared the home.

Yes, your past is part of your present and your future. Where you’ve been, helps you decide where you want to go. And periods of nostalgia bring it all together. The happy, the sad, and the lessons teach us along the way. And we’re better for it.

Now that another New Year’s Eve is here, we humans, are magnificent creations. We have what we need to thrive and survive and display outstanding talents and skills. And one of the most wonderful and complex parts of us is our brain. Everything we ever heard or experienced is held in our brain. It’s all there, most of it tucked away in secret forever. But we have our memories. And some of our past is never lost.

“A memory is a photograph taken by the heart to make a special moment last forever.” ~ Unknown

Memories come to us in several ways. You may want to recapture something from the past, so you think of it, and it becomes real again. Other times you encounter things like a song, a special memento, or a similar experience that brings up a memory. And you remember what brought you joy and what brought you pain. And you relive those times.

When something comes to you from the past, you remember. You remember those heartfelt happy times, and you cling to the experience when you see it, you feel it, you taste it and breathe in the sweet scent. You remember. And for a moment, you’re lost in time. You reach out. You want it back. But you feel the bittersweet quality of memory, and you have to let it go…maybe with a smile…maybe not. And memories are a part of life. So you live with them and treasure each one.

“Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks.” ~Avena

But all memories are not the happy ones. Sometimes they awaken a pain in your heart you thought was gone, never to return and torture you. Maybe you rememberthe loss of a loved one, an opportunity you missed, a betrayal by a friend, words that cut deep to your soul, experiences you don’t want to ever see or feel again. But you remember and you relive the whole episodes with the same tips and turns, the confusion, the unbelief, the heartfelt pain. You cringe and turn away. And the more you resist the memory, the stronger it gets. But memories are a part of life.

Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. Lewis B. Smedes

Many people remember situations involving themselves and others that need forgiving. When this is accomplished, the memory remains, but the suffering is healed and gone. Years ago when I was working, every payday I put money away for my retirement fund. Then a couple years into retirement, I lost my money due to neglect by the person handling it. A bitter memory. Everyone makes mistakes, but if I’d paid off my house instead, things would have been different. And I might have more pleasant memories now. But peace comes with forgiveness.

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” ~Dr. Seuss

There’s a saying, “Life is for making memories.” But as we move through life with one experience after another, we don’t actively create situations that might later become pleasant memories. We don’t even think about or fully realize what our experiences will look and feel like in a memory. So why not create happy situations today to bring happiness again tomorrow in the remembering. And what a better time to create good memories than in a holiday season.

This is a time of year when people are rushing to get things done, with little attention on what they’ll remember in the future. So pay attention to happiness that simply happens, and make some of it yourself. Enjoy the holiday season with family and friends, and maybe people you don’t even know.

Exchange lots of hugs, smile at strangers, play with children, sing out loud, skip up an aisle in the grocery store, call people by their names, share with your place of worship and charities. Be creative and do what makes you and others happy. This is a time to celebrate life and make memories you will cherish forever.