Edward I (17 June 1239 – 7 July 1307), popularly known as Longshanks, thanks to Mel Gibson's "Braveheart". Longshanks achieved historical fame as the whitest brit to conquer the shit out of parts of Wales and almost succeeded in fucking everyone over in Scotland. But when that prick finally kicked the bucket his queer son Edward II took the throne and just took it right in the ass and failed to do anything to those lovable Scots. Longshanks reigned for a long ass time because he was an evil bastard and everyone knows those fucks live forever.

Edward Longshanks probably wanted to bang that French princess that his son didn't like because she didn't have a penis.