A Man's Guide to Pregnancy: How to live with a Pregnant by John Zakour

John Zakour is a humor author with a Master's measure in Human habit. He writes the syndicated comedian "Working Daze" and has written a SF trilogy for Daw books. John is living in Geneva, long island.

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They make you feel extra manly knowing you are passing half your genes onto the future. When they get a bit older they will think you are perfect no matter how much of a screwup you are. They give you this priceless kind of unconditional love that is even more special than that you get from your dog. It’s true. (Of course this will get balanced out in the future when no matter what you do they will think you are a total jerk. ) Second off, there are things you can do to help your wife and child: Learn to change diapers.

First trimester: when your wife doesn’t look pregnant, but acts pregnant. Second trimester: when your wife looks pregnant, but doesn’t really act pregnant. Third trimester: when your wife really looks pregnant, and REALLY acts pregnant. Fear her. Afterbirth: kind of looks like the blob. Amniocentesis: something you should be glad you never have to go through. Amniotic sac: kind of like a really flexible football padding that covers the entire unborn baby. Apgar score: the first of thousands of standardized tests your baby will take throughout his or her life.

Medical insurance: if you don’t have this, you really shouldn’t be reading this book. Morning sickness: barfing, throwing up, or tossing your cookies, and the general nausea your wife may or may not go through. If you want to relate to your wife, just think back to the morning after your first beer blast. Mucus membrane: trust me, you don’t want to know. Nurse midwife: a nurse trained to delivery babies. Midwives have been around since babies started being born. Only now they are becoming kind of trendy making them cooler and more expensive than they used to be.