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My kids are NOT sorry

Maybe it’s because the first episode of my new Cafe Mom series is about Dealing with other parents ( see below) or maybe because I had a great time at my son’s preschool today in a book club. We are reading “The Power of Play” by David Elkind. Which boils down to this, stop scheduling, turn off the TV and let your kid bang on some rocks. Whatever the reason, I have a new resolution.

The discussion among the few moms were in the group was that we react in play situations more out of peer pressure than what we believe. Unless a kid is pounding on another kid with a hammer, we’d rather the kids work it out.
Of the “that’s my bucket” variety.

But, fearing some mom is going to give us a hard time we step in often when we don’t want to. I got such a surge listening to these other moms I suddenly yelped, “I’m not going to make my kid say ‘sorry’.

Chorus of “Yes” ( in my heart I heard ‘Amen sister’) rang up from the tiny chairs we were seated in the pre school. If they don’t genuinely mean “sorry” it’s all bullshit anyway.

I’m not in junior high, what do I care what that mom at the park thinks of me? And fi I was a mom in junior high, how awkward. Another mom in our group said, “I’m going to say, ‘If you want to step in, you can, but that’s not how I want to handle it.'”

We decided we would be judged and disliked by some parents, but we were going to try it. I’ll you how it works.

9 thoughts on “My kids are NOT sorry”

I always found that asking the question “How would you feel if someone did that to you?” to be more effective that telling the kid how to feel. And if you say “Tell him you are sorry” – that’s what a parent is doing — telling their kid how to feel. Keep me posted – will be interested it how it goes.

This is a pet peeve of mine…too often I have seen parents make their children apologize for something the child didn’t even do! And I agree with you that a coerced apology is not really an apology at all. Leslie is right that there are more constructive ways to deal with the situation.

AMEN! When my older kids (23 &20) were in preschool, it was school policy not to make them say sorry, unless they were and wanted to. They might talk about how each involved party felt, but no mandatory sorry. Cause let’s face it, a forced sorry is a lie.
With my 7yr old, it seems we’ve digressed in this area. I blame it on rampant political correctness,lol.

I have the opposite issue. My daughter is super sweet and there have been a few times at a park when kids have been total brutes to her. We have yet to get an apology the parents. I agree, young kids rarely know how to behave, but the bottom line is the parents are responsible for anything a child does. If your child pushes another child or is bullying kids at a playground, the parent should apologize and teach their kid that it’s wrong to put your hands on anyone. Otherwise life it going to be hard.

oh yes, the parent needs to set limits and if there is hitting, throwing sand you have to jump in. “No, you are hurting their bodies, etc.” But, that is different than an apology. Maybe they should apologize for not looking out from their phone.

I have to agree with Sarah. I think, if you don’t want your kid to say sorry, you should apologize to the parent for your child. I personally feel if something is going on that doesn’t seem right and the parent is just standing by, then I will do the parenting for you and approach you as the parent. Then that becomes an awkward situation. I’m all for parent’s letting their children think on their own and being free but I also believe kids should learn what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in social play. Some kids are more dominant than others. My oldest daughter is quiet and sweet, where my youngest will not take nonsense. I feel it is my duty to protect the quiet and sweet one so that she does not get ran over or bullied in the playground or anywhere.