David McMillian: Political discussion divides family

Dear David:

We have a real potential problem in our family. This past weekend, at a large family gathering, the discussion turned to politics and religion, specifically within the presidential election. Well, it got ugly. In our family, it seems we are pretty well split down the middle in terms of support for President Obama and Gov. Romney. The majority of family members were civil, but did engage in a lively discussion. The problem came in with three or four members who got very loud, very mean-spirited, and insulting toward several other members, some of whom were not even really involved deeply in the conversation. Some of these folks felt that they were attacked for no reason. Me and some of the other family members are now very concerned that some of the words said will not be forgotten, and our pretty close family will forever be changed, and not for the better. We're trying to think of how we can heal whatever rift now exists, and how we might maintain our close family which has always been important to most of us. Any ideas about what we can do are appreciated.

- Politics Is Splitting Us

Dear PISU:

You're hitting on something that I think we all need to seriously contemplate and think about, not just during election times, but throughout our entire lives. I know that personally I need this kind of reminder often. We find so many ways to divide ourselves; political stance is but one such division. Others include income levels, professional status, where we live and of all things, religion, too. Sometimes we'll even divide based on what particular church we attend within the very same religion!

According to the Center for the Study of Global Christianity at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, there are approximately 41,000 Christian denominations in the world. I'm no biblical scholar, but I do recall a passage in Scripture where Jesus prays that "all would be one as he and the Father are one." If those numbers are anywhere close to correct, we're not doing too well on that request are we? If we find it so challenging to achieve some common ground on God, how can we possibly expect to get to mutual agreement regarding our politics? Having said that, I do think that something Jesus also talked a great deal about is perhaps the answer for you, your family, and for all of us, and that's the "f" word: forgiveness.

The word forgiveness is obviously made up of the word "give" preceded by "for." When you do a little research on for, you find it originates from Old English as "fore," which means "ahead." So, perhaps the kind of forgiveness Jesus was talking about involves giving it before it's even needed. Maybe Jesus understood totally and completely that we're all human, and with humanity comes fallibility. We're going to make mistakes, sometimes pretty bad ones, we're sometimes going to hurt one another, but we need some process to let go of our mistakes. Maybe that's why when he was asked how much one should forgive; he answered "70 x 7 times," which really signifies infinity.

When you get enough people together and the conversation turns to politics or religion, there may well be passion expressed, and that sounds like what happened in your family gathering. I think the fact that the majority of the family conducted themselves in a lively and civil discussion speaks well for your family. As for the others, how about choosing not to make a big deal about it, just decide for now to let it go and allow a few weeks to pass before you gather as "one big happy family" again. In the meantime, maybe you and some of the other family members could engage in conversation about giving "fore." Hope this helps.

Marriage and family therapist David McMillian can be heard on "Strategies for Living" any time at www.strategiesforliving.com and from 9:05 to 10 a.m. Sundays on Newsradio 710 KEEL. E-mail your questions to deardavid@live.com.

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David McMillian: Political discussion divides family

Dear David:We have a real potential problem in our family. This past weekend, at a large family gathering, the discussion turned to politics and religion, specifically within the presidential