21. Never Been In A Relationship.

Hey Guys, I haven't come here to rant and rave about how I've never been in a relationship, rather I've come to ask for some help and advice. I've been shy for a long time, that's not how I am by nature but since I turned 13 I can remember always thinking that it would somehow be "wierd" to be in a relationship. My parents always make me feel awkward whenever I talk about a girl or have some sort of interaction with one. It's been like that since I was little and it hasn't changed, because of this I never really experienced anything in high school so I literally don't know how to meet women or talk to them. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong or I get really nervous. To this day I've never done anything with a girl, never been on a date, never kissed anyone, never held hands with anyone. I'm a little overweight so I've very self conscious about that and I know that's part of my problem, because to me appearance is a HUGE factor. You may call me shallow all you want but for me there has to be some sort of physical attraction to someone you're dating, and to be frank I am usually attracted to women completely "out of my league". To be honest I have trouble in a lot of areas not just male/female relationships but meeting friends in general, right now I can literally count the amount of close friends I have/ hang out with on 1 hand. Any advice would be helpful, or to anyone who lives in the San Diego area (Male or Female) I'd be willing to hang out with anyone. I could use a workout buddy as I'm training to join the Air Force, if that interests anyone. (If anyone is interested in hanging out just message my AIM or MSN and I'll send you my phone number)

Hey Dan, this advice may seem really cheesy but just be yourself. Seriously. I am also extremely nervous around girls but if you just be yourself (albeit a shyer, more silent version of youself because of all those nerves) some girls will be natuarally oriented around you.

I'm not saying i'm the "expert" on it but there's my advice in under 1000 words. Oh and also wear red. I'm serious. Psycological thing. Don't know how it works.

Im 21 and a girl and the guy im with is a quiet shy reserved person who didnt do anything with a girl until we started dating (right when he turned 22). we were friends before and i think that made him comfortable with me so he got the courage to make a move (granted he was also drunk...which may have given him more confidence).

just try to talk to people, go out on your own even and just talk to random people. just making initial conversation might help increase your confidence and eventually youll have your own "moves" to getting a girl. who knows. also i know you said you are picky, but consider this, whats better a bitchy girl whos hot or a great girl whos average? i understand the there needs to be some physical attraction crap, but at least for me, a good personality will shine through making the person appear more attractive, while a bad personality will make them seem rather well gross. consider that and dont automatically cross people off of a list because they arent a 10.

My advice to you is try to avoid getting too much dating advice. Dating advice sadly either becomes too macho or too passive. Macho advice= "The aggressive it's your fault, man up, follow this trick and that trick" advice. Mostly men give this kind advice and all it does is make it seem like if your single your some loser or something. The passive advice = "love will find you, it will come your way, forget about it let things happen". That's also kind of silly because thing won't work if you don't make a move. Dating advice is what messed me up, I would have a hundred different thoughts in my head.

If you do find someone to talk to, I would say try to be funny, but have fun while your doing it. You shouldn't have a girlfriend who bores you who has nothing but her looks and physical things to offer, that is not a girlfriend. And don't be to upset about being sinlge, atleast your not in a bad relationship. And remember kissing and physical stuff is probably about 10% of the relationship since most of the time you won't be doing that stuff. The other 90% you'll have to get along. And don't let anyone treat you bad, if a girl is being rude to you then she's wasting your time. If your greeting a girl you can start by introducing yourself. Here are some examples.

If your at a store you can talk about a product she has in the cart, or if your at a library you can talk about what she's reading. You can ask about something interesting she is wearing. After a while if you think the talk went well tell ask her for her number. If she says no or it doesn't go well don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong and it's nothing to be ashamed about. Remember even if a girl is mean to you or she rejects you or tries to make fun of you infront of your friends you did what you could and there is nothing wrong with it. Just know i'm out here in the same boat doing the same thing so your not alone. I also like that your going to the gym if your not comfortable with how you look.

your right about the physical attraction man, even animals use it to attract a female. my best advice, when ur at a party, disco whatever, dont pay too much attention to the girls, put on ur show for her to watch and wait for a reaction and if your in conversation with her dont be so serious, relax(if you can) and ask her questions about her, girls love to talk about themselves, no disrespect ladies. good luck cowboy.