Christ-centered Support for Family and Friends of those ensnared in Addiction...

Chapter 12--Peace and Forgiveness

“Peace I
leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto
you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).

When faced with the consequences of
our loved ones’ addiction, we may complain or become bitter. We sometimes ask
questions such as “Why does this have to happen to me?” “Why do I have to
suffer this now?” or “What have I done to deserve this?” Although these
questions may initially dominate our thoughts and absorb our energy, we can
choose to respond differently to our circumstances. We can ask ourselves, “What
does God want me to learn from this?” “What would He have me do? Who can I
serve?” and “How can I remember my blessings?” It is
important to remember that these trials are a result of our loved ones’ poor choices.

As we
exercise faith, we can feel the purifying influence and peace of His Spirit,
and He will replace “beauty for ashes” (Isaiah 61:3). As we cry unto God, He will bless and comfort
us in significant ways. Remember to ask for what we should ask for.

Forgiveness is an important part of
finding peace. Part of the process of offering forgiveness is letting go of
burdens that keep us from experiencing the Savior’s peace. We will
find healing as we forgive others. Forgiveness does not mean that we condone our
loved ones’ poor choices or allow them to mistreat us. But forgiveness does
allow us to move forward spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Just as our
loved ones are in bondage to addiction, our unwillingness to forgive can hold
us captive. As we forgive, we leave behind feelings that have the power to
“canker, fester, and ultimately destroy” In this
way, we eliminate barriers to having the Spirit more abundantly and we can
continue on the path of discipleship.

How has forgiveness blessed you?

When forgiveness seems beyond our
capability, we can rely on the Savior to help change our hearts and grant us
the gift of charity. Forgiving someone when we have been wronged or hurt can be
very difficult—especially when these offenses are regularly repeated. But this
is part of what it means to be a disciple of Christ.

“Jesus said
it is easy to love those who love us; even the wicked can do that. But Jesus
Christ taught a higher law. . . . ‘Love your enemies, bless them that curse
you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use
you, and persecute you.’ . . .

The pure love
of Christ can remove the scales of resentment and wrath from our eyes, allowing
us to see others the way God sees us.

Most of us
need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all manner of reasons for
postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to
repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace
and happiness that could be ours. The folly of rehashing long-past hurts does
not bring happiness. If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who
have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem
and well-being. If we will trust in the
Lord and seek His aid, he can help us to forgive, even as He does.

When has God helped you forgive?

How can God help you forgive now?

Our personal importance grows when we
don't forgive. The real problem is
Pride.

We
learn to suffer just to punish who abused us, like a child having a tantrum,
asking for attention. We hurt ourselves
just to say "Look what I am doing because of you".

Go
and find the little child in the corner having a tantrum. Take pride and put it in the trash. Ask for forgiveness, forgive others and
miracles happen. The power of
forgiveness is that it can restore transparency to your life and freedom to
your spirit. The most common
misunderstanding about forgiveness is that it means giving up or giving in on
what you believe is right or releasing a debt that you feel is an
injustice. Do not condone destructive
actions. We do a real service to
ourselves and others when we correct situations, attitudes and conditions that
give rise to harmful behavior.
Forgiveness means bringing resolution to troubled situations. It is not for the weak of heart. Nothing will make our hearts stronger than
forgiveness practiced for the accomplishment of restoration.

Though forgiveness begins in our
hearts, it usually requires action. It begins with a change of viewpoint and
rise above judgments. Forgiveness is known by its result. Prayer is the best
beginning. Love is the power that
carries it through. At times, we must act to prevent the offense from occurring
again or worsening.

Sometimes we must repair a degenerating
condition or inform an offender of the hurtful actions. Sometimes an expression of emotion is
helpful. Be assured that the problem
will not clear by adding more destruction.
Revenge will not restore peace.

Forgiveness
of another restores the truth of one's own being. We cannot afford to withhold
forgiveness. Souls are punishing
themselves because of what they cannot forgive.
Forgiveness means release.
Grudges keep us from moving forward.
Bitterness is the biggest barrier that exists to joy and getting what we
want from life. Consciously releasing resentments causes us to move forward in
areas where we were previously stuck. Bitterness and unforgiveness are
claws that set their hooks deep in our hearts; they are chains that keep us
held captive to the wounds and the messages of those wounds. Until we forgive,
we remain their prisoner. Paul warns us that unforgiveness and bitterness can
wreck our lives and the lives of others (Eph. 4:31; Heb. 12:15). We have to let
them go.

When we come
to the Lord seeking forgiveness, He will prepare the means for each of us. The
way will be opened for us to forgive so we in turn may be forgiven. In this way, all may come to know the Lord.

Do
not depart this life while still harboring resentment. It does not matter how
just the claim. We must surrender our claims for justice to merit mercy. By showing mercy, mercy may be found.

Christ
taught: "I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do
good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and
persecute you." (Matt. 5: 44-45) He
wants us to go beyond merely forgiving others.
He wants us to become like Him, and atone or cover the sins of
others. All those who have the hope of
Christ within them will do likewise.

Art by Amberle Stoffers

Remember that
those who hurt us were also deeply wounded themselves. They were broken hearts,
broken when they were young, and they fell captive to the enemy. They were in
fact pawns in his hands. This doesn't absolve them of the choices they made,
the things they did. It just helps us to let them go - to realize that they
were shattered souls themselves.

Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves. It
frees us from past experiences, and past relationships. It allows us to live in the present time.
When we forgive ourselves and forgive others,
a tremendous sense of freedom emerges. We must forgive those we feel have wronged us, not
because they deserve to be forgiven, but because we love ourselves so much, we
don't want to keep paying for the injustice…Forgiveness is the only way to
heal.

Often
we need to forgive ourselves for putting up with painful experiences and not
loving ourselves enough to move away from those experiences. Forgive others and be in the moment. See the
old bitterness and the old pain just roll off our shoulders as we let go and
give it to the Savior. Let the doors of our heart open wide to His love. When
we come from a space of love we are always safe. Forgive everyone. Forgive
yourself. Forgive all past experiences.

We do not have
to know how to forgive. Just be willing to forgive. The Savior and the
atonement will take care of how.

Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a
feeling. If we waited to forgive until
we felt like forgiving, we might never get there. Feelings take time to heal
after the choice to forgive is made. We allow the Savior to take the hurt from
our past. If our forgiveness doesn't
visit the emotional core of our life and soften our heart, it will be
incomplete. We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we choose to
extend forgiveness to those who hurt us, including and especially ourselves.
This is not saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is not saying,
"I probably deserved part of it anyway." Forgiveness says, "It
was wrong. Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give
you to the Savior."

The
limiting factor in repentance is not obtaining forgiveness! The price has already been paid. Forgiveness is given instantly when asked
for. The limiting factor is acquiring
and applying new knowledge so that the sinner forsakes sin permanently.

Forgiveness heals terrible, tragic wounds,
for it allows the love of God to purge our hearts and minds of the poison of
hate. It cleanses our consciousness of the desire for revenge. It makes place
for the purifying, healing, restoring love of the Lord.

Personal
Learning and Application

Keep
a journal of your thoughts, feelings, insights, and plans to implement what you
learn. As the needs and circumstances in your life change, repeating these
answers will provide you with new insights.
Go back to the questions in the chapter.
Write your answers. Each time you
go through a chapter, your answers might change.

1. As you study the scriptures listed below,
prayerfully consider how you can apply the principles they teach.

What About Us?

Is your loved one ensnared in addiction and you don't know where to turn?

We are hosting a Christ-centered, Non-denominational, "Family and Friends Support Group"

We invite anyone to participate, no matter what "religion" they embrace. The purpose is to assist those with loved ones ensnared in addictions of all kinds. We embrace truth wherever we find it, including scripture and good books. It is our desire that the meetings provide a safe place for honest sharing because we adhere to the principles of confidentiality and anonymity, and we use appropriate language and behavior to invite the Spirit to be with us. There will be no "pushing" of any particular religion.

If you cannot join us in person, take a look at the 12 chapters--listed on this blog. The material is constantly evolving. We recommend reading and studying the chapter prior to the meeting.

We will rotate on a 12 week basis. If you have an experience or a question that you would like addressed in a blog post, just email us at dreampacker@aol.com. Please put in the subject line "Faith and Hope." Phone or text 801-391-6285. The physical meetings will be in the Pinedale, Wyoming area.