'Be Humble for You Are Made Of Earth. Be Noble For You Are Made Of Stars'

A BRIEF INTRODUCTION TO NLP, part two

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"I am by calling a dealer in words - and words are, of course,the most powerful drug used by mankind."

-Rudyard Kipling

In last week's tip, we reviewed two of the structures we use tocreate our subjective experience - the way we use our body andthe maps we make in our head.

The third structure we use to create our subjective experienceis language. Language is another mapping tool - one we use to create,describe and share our experiences with one another. We do thisprimarily by telling ourselves (and others) stories about whatwe have experienced.

In a recent cover story from New Scientist magazine, HelenPhillips wrote:

"There is certainly plenty of evidence that much of what we dois the result of unconscious brain processing, and that ourconsciousness seems to be interpreting what has happened, ratherthan driving it....

Our senses may take in more than 11 million pieces ofinformation each second, whereas even the most liberal estimatessuggest that we are conscious of just 40 of these....

It is an unsettling thought that perhaps all our conscious mindever does is dream up stories in an attempt to make sense ofour world."

Our story is the meaning we give to the facts of our life - ourinterpretation of reality. If we make the facts of our lifemean good things about us and the future, we will feel happyabout them; if we make them mean bad things, we will feelunhappy about them. Either way, we're the ones making themeaning.

On my live trainings, I often do an exercise with participantswhere I invite them to come up with multiple meanings for asignificant life event by repeatedly asking the question: 'Whatelse could this mean?'

For example, if someone says their partner has left them, mostpeople will assume that's a bad thing and will respondaccordingly with a blend of sympathy and encouragement. But whatelse could it mean?

Here are some typical answers from seminar participants - you'llnotice that some make it a good thing, some bad and somerelatively neutral:

*Now they're free to meet someone who's really right for them.

*They'll never meet anyone else and they'll be alone - andmiserable - for the rest of their lives.

*What they learn from the experience will make them a moreloving partner in the future.

*They're scarred for life and will never experience love again.

*It's an opportunity to fight to win their partner back.

*It's life's way of saying 'Time to move on.'

After a few rounds of the game, it becomes clear that it'spossible to make up hundreds of different meanings for any givenevent. The more optimistic the meaning, the better theaccompanying feelings; the less optimistic, the worse the storyfeels.

But when you've played the game long enough a new, even moreuseful question emerges:

What do you want it to mean?

When you realize that you are literally making up the meaning ofeven the most significant 'facts' of your life, you can begindeliberately choosing the meanings which feel good and empowerpositive action. As I say to my clients:

*As long as you're going to make stuff up, make up good stuff.*

Challenging your stories of impending doom is not only powerful,it's fun - and it serves as an ongoing reminder that no matterhow detailed or practiced your story is, it's still only astory.

In today's experiment, you can put together the three elementswhich make up the structure of your subjective experience togive yourself a good feeling in your body, right where you aresitting now...

-------------------Today's Experiment:-------------------

1. Notice how you're feeling in your body right now.

2. Shift your body until you're feeling just a little bitbetter. You could do this by sitting up straighter or getting upand giving yourself a gentle stretch, smiling up into your eyesand down into your body, or simply taking a deep breath andfeeling it spread into every part of yourself.

3. Next, talk to yourself in a friendly voice. Tell yourselfsomething you genuinely want to hear. Offer yourself a sincerecompliment or remember a time where you received a complimentand you knew it was sincere. Enjoy the good feelings that comewith receiving that sincere compliment.

4. Make a picture of yourself in your mind as you would look ifyou were just a little bit happier than you are right now. Whenyou've got it, step into the picture and enjoy the goodfeelings.

5. Repeat each of the steps above until you have successfullycreated a smile on your face and a good feeling in your body!