Okay guys, I’m sorry, I know I’ve once again neglected this blog. I’d like to tell you all I’ve not posted because I’ve been so productive, creative and generally living an exciting and fulfilling life. I haven’t. I’ve been lying in bed. And feeling ill. And sleeping. But mostly just lying here… eating maltesers….

Yup.

My first fortnight back at uni’s been a bit of a disaster, mostly because I’ve barely made it in. And I feel pretty terrible about that. I’m a bit worried about falling behind.

Christmas and New Year was a bit of a mixed bag. I’ve had a few bad bits, but thankfully mostly good. Until about the 2nd of January or something when I started being ill!! (I’M SO PATHETIC. I’M SICK. SOMEONE COME FEED ME SOUP.) Yeah, so I’ve been neglecting not just this blog but facebook, twitter, tumblr, emails, texting, skype and lj. When I went back online a couple of days ago to try and catch up with everyone I had several concerned messages asking if I’d died. This actually just highlights how ridiculously dependant and obsessed I am with social networking, when the fact I’ve been off it for a fortnight genuinely leads to people becoming concerned I HAD DIED.

So I’m once again outrageously behind on my reading lists. Well, I’m not, I’m actually on time and have read everything we’re going to be studying for the next two weeks. BUT compared to what I would normally be like, I’M SO BEHIND AND I’M PANICKING BECAUSE THERE’S SO MANY FREAKING BOOKS. I’m not sure how I feel about this term’s texts yet. Realising we’re doing Oscar Wilde has completely made my semester. But I’ve never heard of/don’t know much about any of the other texts for English. And comp lit… I mean… what even? The list is pretty soul destroying when you think about it… But I’m determined to withhold judgement this year until I’ve actually read them.

I’m learning about Islam in theology. Yes. Can’t you feel the joy radiating from me at the prospect of this semester? *sobs*

I’ve written a really bad poem. It would be nice if someone could help make it not so bad? Or not, you know. I’ll post it anyway. Seriously guys I need help. I can’t even call what I do poetry. Poetry’s supposed to have some sort of structure/rhyme/rhythm or just some sort of emotional appeal. I just write words wrongly strung together in an attempt to convey nonsense thoughts. Can someone just teach me how to write? *sobs again*

Oh yeah, I noticed this morning that my ‘For Soon To Be Students’ pages are getting a good couple thousand hits this week. I’m assuming it’s ucas results time or something? Anyway, I was looking over what I’d written for it and kind of freaked out. WHAT WAS I DOING WITH ALL THOSE COMMAS??? Everyone knows I have *the* worst punctuation skills known to man. But reading that back I couldn’t stop cringing. AHAHAHA. I’d gone a bit comma crazy. I’ve edited the commas out now. But holy mother of god…. Does someone want to recommend a book/website that would teach me the basics of punctuation/sentence structure? I’m deadly serious about this now. I KNOW NOTHING. I need to learn this from about primary school level upwards. Cause as you can all tell, my writing is pretty atrocious. So yeah, any sort of punctuation/grammar/sentence structure websites aimed at 12 year olds would come in really handy right now. Please?

OHHHH!!!! I also need to say thank you to the brilliant, but also slightly crazy ElsinorDarcy08 for writing a fanfic about me! Firstly, this is a little bit insane. But Elsinor is a little bit insane. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned on here but she’s asked me to send her some of my hair along with an autographed picture… You can kind of see the sort of person she is from that. She’s attempted to make a ‘jenchay fandom’. And she cried when I skyped her and said it was the best day of her life… The internet is a scary place guys. But yeah…

Her fanfic was called ‘Jenchay in Pemberly’. She’s not published it online (and I’m kinda glad because if somehow my parents came across it I’m pretty sure they’d both have heart attacks…)

In this eighteen chapters long fanfiction I (the ‘spunky, hot, sarcastic dominatrix’) pretty much rock up in Pemberly, defile Elizabeth Bennet in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine, end up murdering Mr Darcy through some sort of bondage gone wrong scenario and pretty much lesbify the entire Pride and Prejudice world….

WOW. I appreciate the kind gesture Elsinor, really I do. It was lovely. And the fact you’ve spent so much of your own time writing about me having sex is… well… actually it’s pretty concerning. I think you should talk to someone about it.

BUT I am in full support of having my own fandom. Clearly one day I am going to be queen of the internet and all fanfic will revolve around my steamy lesbian romps with Jane Austen’s maidens.

Semi-colons don’t like me. They never have. Not since I offended them, placing them next to a Conjunction. Apparently they don’t get on. Some feud way back when the Colon was the big shot in town. But then the Semi-colon came along, and Grammar has never been the same. The conjunction never forgave the Semi-colon for ousting its friend, the Colon, out of all the good Sentences.

I only made the mistake once, but it was enough for the Semi-colon never to trust me again. Try though I did to make it up to them, putting them between all the best Clauses, they were never satisfied.

They never behaved how they were supposed to after that day. The darn Semi-colons started turning up places I swear I hadn’t put them! Wedging themselves in between unconnected Sentences, sticking themselves to the end of them, even turning up where the Comma used to live! And then, when I put them in between their Clauses, nice and safe, they started running all over the page! Hiding, trying to disguise themselves as Colons!

Well, Semi-colons, I say enough is enough. I’m tired of you and your feisty little friends playing tricks on me. I’m taking over my writing again, and you will stay where I put, or else I’ll leave you off the page and put a Comma in your place! How would you feel then, Semi-colon, knowing you’d been replaced by a measly Comma? You wouldn’t like it, would you? Well, I suggest you remember that the next time you decide to play funny beggars, roaming around my paragraphs like you own them.