Finally! Lyft Is Adding An Option For When You Just Want To Drive Aimlessly Around Town Thinking About Your Marriage

March 22, 2017

Ridesharing apps have completely changed the way we look at transportation, and now one is totally shaking things up yet again: Lyft is adding an option for when you just want to drive aimlessly around town thinking about your marriage.

Raise your hand if this is what you’ve been waiting for!

The new feature is integrated into Lyft’s regular rideshare interface—just pull up the app after a screaming match with your husband or wife and select the Just Drive option. A car will arrive to take you on a meandering route through the outskirts of town during which you can wonder whether the person who is supposed to be the love of your life has given up completely on making it work. Passengers have the options of two different destinations, either “Anywhere But Here,” or “It Doesn’t Fucking Matter, Nothing Matters Anymore.”

Yes! Way to understand your customers, Lyft.

Lyft drivers have been trained to keep chitchat to a minimum with Just Drive customers, and to only respond with a “goddamn” or silent head shake whenever a passenger says, “I’m not even upset, I just feel nothing. I would kill to feel angry again. To feel anything.” Users can also preload locations onto the route for the car to avoid, like the restaurant where you proposed, that bring up painful memories of when you actually gave a shit about your marriage before it became a succubus that robbed you of your youth and turned you into someone you hate.

Wow. This means no more awkwardly trying to explain to a cab driver that you just want him to cruise the highway for a while so you can think about how you’re a coward both for staying in a relationship that makes you so unhappy and for never putting enough work into it in the first place. Here’s to Lyft! This is exactly what we needed.