Tuesday, January 18, 2005

To-Do List

Here's a list of some things that you may want to do before the big inaugaration on Thursday...

(1) Drink a nice clean glass of water.(2) Cash your social security check.(3) See a doctor of your own choosing.(4) Spend quality time with your draft age children/grandchildren.(5) Visit Syria, or any foreign country for that matter.(6) Get that gas mask you've been putting off buying.(7) Hoard gasoline.(8) Borrow books from the library before they're banned - Constitutional law books, "Catcher in the Rye", "Harry Potter", "Tropic of Cancer", etc.(9) If you have an idea for a piece of art involving a crucifix, do it now.(10) Come out - and then go back in - Hurry!(11) Jam in all of the Alzheimer's stem cell research that you can.(12) Stay out late before the curfews start.(13) Go see Bruce Springsteen before he has his "accident."(14) Go see Mount Rushmore before the Reagan addition.(15) Use the phrase, "You can't do that - this is America."(16) If you're white, marry a black person. If you're black, marry a white person.(17) Take a walk in Yosemite without being hit by a snowmobile.(18) Enroll your kid in an accelerated music or art class.(19) Start your school day without a prayer.(20) Pass on the secrets of evolution to future generations.(21) Learn French.(22) Attend a commitment ceremony with your gay friends.(23) Take a factory tour anywhere in the U.S.(24) Try to take photographs of animals on the endangered species list.(25) Visit Florida before the polar ice caps melt.(26) Visit Nevada before it becomes radioactive.(27) Visit Alaska before "the big spill."(28) Visit Massachusettes while it's still a state.(29) Stock up on birth control pills.