Werner Herzog directed this “Don’t Text While Driving” PSA for AT&T’s “It Can Wait” campaign, and it’s a bit disappointing if you were hoping for some Herzoggery. It’s an effective ad, depicting the mother of a young boy named Xzavier, who’s now in a wheelchair and on a respirator after getting hit by a girl who didn’t see him in the street because she was texting. Wait, are we sure texting is the problem, or is it women drivers? I think we need a control group. I kid, ladies, I kid.

Point being, it’s an effective commercial, but it doesn’t have any of the classic Herzog documentary hallmarks that we’ve come to expect. Über bleak voiceover, unpredictable digressions, bizarre interview questions… I miss that special Herzog touch. In fact I’ve take the liberty of writing some Herzog voiceover lines that would help Herzog this piece up a bit:

Look, I’m just being pragmatic here. Un-pipe the little guy and then film 25 straight seconds close-up of his face as it floods with panic. Then you recork him just in time, no harm no foul. Can anyone argue that wouldn’t be a more effective PSA? I’m just sayin’…

God, totally what I was thinking when I came up with it! See, you *get it*. Also, I figured it might make an even bigger statement if we pushed to around 45-50 seconds and he passes out. But it’s all good he’ll perk right up when you plug him back in and you’re *way* under 4 minutes at that point. Sh*t, Vince chokes people out all the time and they’re fine. But this would send a *message* man.

Man Herzog posts always destroy me. I am glad I read this on my lunch break and not at the computer at work or I’d get more weird stares from people than I already get through the course of a normal day. Only thing better is Mexican Predator. Mexican Predator > Herzog > Armond White > Staffe = Boston These are my power rankings.

Dude I wasn’t trying to get in a killer burn on you or anything. It was more just a fishing of if you’re familiar with his character than anything else, since Werner Herzog impressions entertain me greatly.