A Letter to the Three Mothers

You taught us how to live with the light of faith that defies even the darkest nightmare.

What is there left for me to say? There are no words to describe the grief and pain we have all been feeling for your beautiful boys.

Racheli, I read your final good bye to Naftali and hot tears spilled down my cheek. “Rest in peace my child. We will learn to sing without you.”

Iris, your husband spoke for you to Eyal as the nation listened: “Your siblings want you near them…but Ima said that you are right now at God’s side. She asked that you whisper to God; ask Him to give her strength, to give us all strength.”

We all feel the same. There is a huge hole inside our hearts. We ask for strength.

I would like to thank you, dear mothers, on behalf of all the Jewish people, especially us mothers who know what it is to feel a child’s heart beat within. We mourn the loss of your precious sons. From the very first moment of this tragedy you carried Am Yisrael on your shoulders even as you bore your own anguish. You walked and talked with dignity as the eyes of the entire world were on you. We never heard you utter a word of complaint, a grumble, an angry scream of ‘why me’. Instead you taught us how to live with the light of faith so blinding it defies even the darkest nightmare.

You inspired all of us to do better and be better for your sons. We made promises to be kinder and watch our words. We vowed to kindle our Shabbos candles earlier; some for the very first time. We cried as we circled the flames and covered our eyes thinking of you. Little children went to sleep with a prayer on their lips, “Oh God, please bring our boys home.” Who could not be touched by the battalion of combat soldiers who have undertaken the commandment of wearing tefillin daily for the merit of the souls of Eyal, Naftali and Gilad?

Jews of all types, usually divided, stood together as never before. Young and old, religious and secular, Ashkenazi and Sephardi, all united. For once there were no walls. For 18 days we loved unconditionally. In unity we discovered how easy it is to break down barriers between brothers and sisters. You showed us the way. You did not choose this grueling test but you did pave the road on which we now walk, humbled, right behind you. It is a road paved with oceans of tears. I dare say it is holy.

Taken by the Nazis

When I was a little girl I would hear stories of brave Jewish mothers who suffered the loss of their children. Mothers like Channah whose seven sons refused to bow down to idols. Their only ‘crime’ was that they were born Jews. Not one son agreed to renounce his faith. Channah was forced to confront an unbearable pain. And yet she remained steadfast in her loyalty to God. I remember trying to picture the scene in my young mind but it seemed like an ancient tale from long ago.

“How can I sleep in my bed when Yosef Dov is not here? Is he cold? Is he hungry? Is he frightened?”

When I became older my father once shared with us the story of his own mother. One night there was a knock on the door. My father’s older brother, Yosef Dov , was brutally taken away as the Nazis began to come to power in Hungary. That evening my grandmother sat on her couch weeping. Hours passed. My father urged his mother to try and lay down in her bed. “How can I sleep in my bed when Yosef Dov is not here? Who knows where he is? What has happened? Is he cold? Is he hungry? Is he frightened?”

That was the very last time my grandmother laid eyes on her son. My grandmother never again slept in her bed. She mourned her child until the day that she, too, was taken away and both died Al Kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the name of God.

I think of my grandmother’s sleepless nights, her many tears, her longing for her son and I think of you. You now join a long line of courageous women who brought precious life into this world only to be asked to return that life to the heavens above in sanctity. I think of your pain. I contemplate your suffering. I know that you are the Channah’s of today. You have given the greatest sacrifice. You have touched us all.

Is there any comfort we can offer you?

Never Alone

Please know, holy women, that we will never forget your sons. Their sweet faces are etched into our memories. When I close my eyes, I see their photos side by side. Young, shining stars, whose lights were snuffed out too soon. Their smiles do not leave me. I know that I am not alone when I say that we have all been transformed. We have tried to take this time of suffering and use it to rededicate ourselves. Many of us are trying to be better human beings and better Jews. Though time will pass, we will not leave the memories of your sons behind. We dare not.

You do not stand on this earth alone. Passover night we sing ‘Who Knows One?” The song continues as we ask “Who knows four? Four are the mothers,” we reply. Dear three mothers of Israel, remember always that there is one more mother who stands beside you. She has stood through exile, pogroms, inquisition, and Holocaust. She is Mother Rachel who to this day weeps for her children. Together you make four.

As the Jews were taken into the Babylonian exile and our Temple was in flames, it was the prayers of Mother Rachel that finally gave us hope and consolation. God responded to her tears.

“Thus said Hashem: A voice is heard on high, wailing, bitter weeping. Rachel weeps for her children; she refuses to be consoled for her children are gone. Thus said Hashem: Cease your weeping, wipe your tears, for there is reward for your accomplishment. Your children will come home. (Jeremiah 31, 14)

Bat-Galim, Iris and Racheli we say to you that your tears are not in vain. Mother Rachel joins you and weeps for your sons. We all do.

I pray that God answers our prayers quickly. It is time for our children to come home.

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About the Author

Slovie Jungreis-Wolff is a freelance writer, and a relationships and parenting instructor. She is the daughter of Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, founder of Hineni International. Slovie has taught Hineni Young Couples and Parenting classes for more than 15 years. Her book, Raising A Child With Soul, is published by St. Martin's Press.

Visitor Comments: 11

We will pray for these moms and sons, and the rest I leave in Hashem's capable hands. Justice will come for Israel and the Arabs will be punished by Hashem!

(8)
Judy Simon,
July 8, 2014 7:29 PM

Thank you Slovie

Your powerful and heartfelt words are so appreciated. May it not take a tragedy for us to stand together united.

(7)
Susan Fein,
July 8, 2014 6:20 PM

May your words be a blessing for all grieving mothers!

Thank you Slovie, for once again finding words when there are no words. Your teachings inspire and comfort! Love, Susan :)

(6)
Dawn,
July 8, 2014 4:34 PM

thank you for speaking for all of us

thank you for your beautiful expression and thoughts of strength and consolation not only to the 3 mothers but to all mothers and all of Am Yisroel. Your words encapsulate our feelings and encourage us how to move forward.

(5)
Carol Hull Holden,
July 8, 2014 4:07 PM

Re- Letters to three mothers.

What a wonderful post. In spite of me not being Jewish, I was devastated at the kidnapping and brutal murder of Eyal, Gil-ad and Naftali. My heart was breaking for their Mothers and I was so impressed with the grace and dignity they showed to the world. I doubt if I would have had such strength if it had been one of my sons. I pray that G-d will Bless the boys families, and I am sure that G-d is now holding the boys in his loving arms. G-d Bless Israel and the Israeli people. I will always support Israel, who is a true light in the world.

(4)
Anonymous,
July 8, 2014 3:56 PM

"Where did all the tears go?"

(Based on a talk by our Rabbi):

Did you ever stare in awe at the many families who made Aliya and firmly planted their homes on the soil which was promised to our forefather Avraham? The tears of our ancestors paved the way.

Did you ever walk down a twisted street in Jerusalem and pass by a Beit Sefer full of boys singing their tefillos? Their voices echoing off the ancient walls built by their ancestors thousands of years ago. Do you think they know of the tears that were shed by their great-grandparents, begging Hashem to spare their families? The tears that were shed by the mothers who sent off young boys to yeshiva not sure when they would see them again?Those little boys you are listening to are those tears. Those tears were saved in a special cup and they now are learning Torah.

Did you ever walk down a busy street in Jewish Town USA and lose count of the Shuls lining the block? They were planted with tears.Our tears are not in vain. They are precious sparkling diamonds that Hashem holds in His Hands and uses to plant, to grow, to build the future.

Please know dear holy families- all the tears that were shed, and are still falling from our eyes for your/our precious sons are going to be used for something very special. They will pave and plant the future for Am Yisroel.

And then Hashem will no longer need our tears, Bimhairah Biyameinu Amen.

(3)
Anonymous,
July 8, 2014 3:26 PM

thru my own tears I read ...so eloquent and true are your words.

I wish you could help our family with my son?

slovie j wolff,
July 9, 2014 2:27 AM

please be in touch with me through aish.com , i am sorry for your tears. slovie

slovie j wolff,
July 10, 2014 1:56 PM

please be in touch with aish.com and we can try to work together. i am sorry for your tearsslovie

(2)
Anonymous,
July 8, 2014 3:22 PM

Thank you Slovie

Slovie, thank you for so eloquently expressing what we all feel in our hearts.

(1)
Shamran,
July 8, 2014 2:43 PM

Dads Also Mourn

Yet another article written by a woman about the horrible terrorist action against the boys that ignores the fact the men mourn too. We buried a son, Yes, I cried and after 28 years, I am still mourning. Don't forget about the fathers and don't forget about the other family members who are also bereaved.

I just got married and have an important question: Can we eat rice on Passover? My wife grew up eating it, and I did not. Is this just a matter of family tradition?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah instructs a Jew not to eat (or even possess) chametz all seven days of Passover (Exodus 13:3). "Chametz" is defined as any of the five grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye) that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes. Chametz is a serious Torah prohibition, and for that reason we take extra protective measures on Passover to prevent any mistakes.

Hence the category of food called "kitniyot" (sometimes referred to generically as "legumes"). This includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. Even though kitniyot cannot technically become chametz, Ashkenazi Jews do not eat them on Passover. Why?

Products of kitniyot often appear like chametz products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chametz). Also, chametz grains may become inadvertently mixed together with kitniyot. Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot were prohibited.

In Jewish law, there is one important distinction between chametz and kitniyot. During Passover, it is forbidden to even have chametz in one's possession (hence the custom of "selling chametz"). Whereas it is permitted to own kitniyot during Passover and even to use it - not for eating - but for things like baby powder which contains cornstarch. Similarly, someone who is sick is allowed to take medicine containing kitniyot.

What about derivatives of kitniyot - e.g. corn oil, peanut oil, etc? This is a difference of opinion. Many will use kitniyot-based oils on Passover, while others are strict and only use olive or walnut oil.

Finally, there is one product called "quinoa" (pronounced "ken-wah" or "kin-o-ah") that is permitted on Passover even for Ashkenazim. Although it resembles a grain, it is technically a grass, and was never included in the prohibition against kitniyot. It is prepared like rice and has a very high protein content. (It's excellent in "cholent" stew!) In the United States and elsewhere, mainstream kosher supervision agencies certify it "Kosher for Passover" -- look for the label.

Interestingly, the Sefardi Jewish community does not have a prohibition against kitniyot. This creates the strange situation, for example, where one family could be eating rice on Passover - when their neighbors will not. So am I going to guess here that you are Ashkenazi and your wife is Sefardi. Am I right?

Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Moses ben Nachman (1194-1270), known as Nachmanides, and by the acronym of his name, Ramban. Born in Spain, he was a physician by trade, but was best-known for authoring brilliant commentaries on the Bible, Talmud, and philosophy. In 1263, King James of Spain authorized a disputation (religious debate) between Nachmanides and a Jewish convert to Christianity, Pablo Christiani. Nachmanides reluctantly agreed to take part, only after being assured by the king that he would have full freedom of expression. Nachmanides won the debate, which earned the king's respect and a prize of 300 gold coins. But this incensed the Church: Nachmanides was charged with blasphemy and he was forced to flee Spain. So at age 72, Nachmanides moved to Jerusalem. He was struck by the desolation in the Holy City -- there were so few Jews that he could not even find a minyan to pray. Nachmanides immediately set about rebuilding the Jewish community. The Ramban Synagogue stands today in Jerusalem's Old City, a living testimony to his efforts.

It's easy to be intimidated by mean people. See through their mask. Underneath is an insecure and unhappy person. They are alienated from others because they are alienated from themselves.

Have compassion for them. Not pity, not condemning, not fear, but compassion. Feel for their suffering. Identify with their core humanity. You might be able to influence them for the good. You might not. Either way your compassion frees you from their destructiveness. And if you would like to help them change, compassion gives you a chance to succeed.

It is the nature of a person to be influenced by his fellows and comrades (Rambam, Hil. De'os 6:1).

We can never escape the influence of our environment. Our life-style impacts upon us and, as if by osmosis, penetrates our skin and becomes part of us.

Our environment today is thoroughly computerized. Computer intelligence is no longer a science-fiction fantasy, but an everyday occurrence. Some computers can even carry out complete interviews. The computer asks questions, receives answers, interprets these answers, and uses its newly acquired information to ask new questions.

Still, while computers may be able to think, they cannot feel. The uniqueness of human beings is therefore no longer in their intellect, but in their emotions.

We must be extremely careful not to allow ourselves to become human computers that are devoid of feelings. Our culture is in danger of losing this essential aspect of humanity, remaining only with intellect. Because we communicate so much with unfeeling computers, we are in danger of becoming disconnected from our own feelings and oblivious to the feelings of others.

As we check in at our jobs, and the computer on our desk greets us with, "Good morning, Mr. Smith. Today is Wednesday, and here is the agenda for today," let us remember that this machine may indeed be brilliant, but it cannot laugh or cry. It cannot be happy if we succeed, or sad if we fail.

Today I shall...

try to remain a human being in every way - by keeping in touch with my own feelings and being sensitive to the feelings of others.

With stories and insights,
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