5 Types of Social Network Vampires: Which One Are You?

If you’re a living, breathing, human being, then you’re probably familiar with the concept of social networking. If you’re an active social networker, then you already know how physically and emotionally draining it can be. And if you’re a true social network enthusiast, then you probably feel less like a living person altogether and more like some strange creature of the night; one whose unquenchable thirst for human interaction simply cannot be satisfied.

There’s no escaping it: social networks have a way of making vampires out of even the most innocent web users. Seeing as how there’s no sense in attempting to overcome the affliction, your best course of action is to better understand the type of vampire you actually are. That way, you can at least take the first step in coming to terms with your identity as a nocturnal web denizen.

Want to find out which type of social network vampire you are? Well, which of the following networks do you spend the most time with?

1) Facebook

If the majority of your nightly hours are spent on Facebook, then you, my friend, are the Nosferatu of social media. You’re an icon; a chieftain among vampires and social networkers alike. This is largely because your network of choice is the golden standard upon which all others are judged. Sure, most of your vampire brethren are using the same platform, but you can rest comfortably knowing that your user base knows no bounds. With 700,000,000 estimated unique visitors a month, Facebook’s legacy is ensured, as is the undying legacy of Nosferatu.

2) Twitter

Twitter is a streamlined reiteration of the best that social networking has to offer. It’s both palatable and likeable for modern web users. It may not have been the first social network out there, but it’s a key player, and that’s putting it lightly. If you’re a Twitter user, you’re like Dracula himself – a force to be reckoned with. Though he was the second vampire to grace the world of film (Nosferatu was the first), Dracula’s success remains indisputable. Being the more marketable of the two vamps, he resonated with larger audiences. Twitter may be second to Facebook in the networking world, but it looks like it’ll be around long enough to catch up.

3) LinkedIn

Created with professionalism and distinction in mind, LinkedIn is a true “southern gentleman” among networking destinations. If Bill Compton (the main vamp of the HBO series True Blood) spent more time online, he’d be spending it at LinkedIn. Discouraging the endless banter that typifies many other networks, LinkedIn is for those who want a more distinguished, no-nonsense type of social networking experience.

4) Google+

It’s the newest player on the social scene but it’s already hogging the headlines. Google+ is on the fast track to becoming a veritable internet sensation, generating a lot of buzz in the process. Of course, as promising as this network may be, it’s still in its earliest stages, and it’s got a long way to go before it reaches the top. Those using Google+ aren’t really vampires per se; they’re more like vampires in training, a la Count von Count (from Sesame Street). Early adopters of the platform are still trying to pinpoint its strengths and weaknesses, basically just learning as they go.

5) MySpace

Few would argue that MySpace would be the network of choice for Edward Cullen (of Twilight), and if you’re a MySpace user, you’re probably proud of that. You’re likely under the impression that vampirism is about fashion trends, love triangles, and sparkling when exposed to direct sunlight. You know what? That’s okay! We were all young once. I suppose you’ll grow out of it eventually. Of course, if you’re above the age of 18 and still use MySpace, you deserve this comparison.

Networking with the best of the best means pouring your blood, sweat, and tears into your online interactions on an almost nightly basis, and there are now millions of people who feel compelled – as if by supernatural forces – to do so. There’s certainly no shame in being a savvy social networker, even though it may feel at times like your thirst for human connection is turning you into a digital bloodsucker. Again, knowing exactly which type of bloodsucker you are will go a long way in helping you come to terms with it.

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Joseph Giorgi

Joseph is the head of the Media Team at Quality Logo Products. He's a video specialist, blogger, perfectionist, and all-around likeable guy. When he's not busy focusing on the nitty-gritty details of his written and visual work, he's normally listening to bad 80s music and scouring the internet for useless information on useless subjects. You can also connect with Joe on Google+.

Somehow, it doesn’t surprise me to hear about the “sparkling profiles” on MySpace.

I get those email notifications as well. I’ve actually tried to delete my MySpace account on several occasions, but to no avail. No joke — they apparently won’t LET me delete it. My coworkers suggest that I flag the page and force MySpace to take it down. It just irks me that it’s come to that.

I’m not a Twitter user, but I get where you’re coming from. It’s amazing how much information a person can fit into 140 characters when they try. Heck, most people don’t have anything worth saying BEYOND 140 characters anyway.

Joe, this post is marvelicious (you guessed it – a combo of marvelous and delicious). Love it! I’m definitely either #1 or #3 – LinkedIn is slowly but surely becoming one of my favorite sites. It really is a no-nonsense approach to social networking and there’s a lot less clutter than other sites…at least for now.

Good call on the Google+/Count von Count comparison! I’d say you nailed that one. The term “vampire in training” is perfect!

This post is awesome. Where’s the Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise vampire reference? One of the few Tom Cruise movies I care for, ‘Interview with a Vampire.’ I loved vampire movies…til that Twilight sh…it’s just not for me. I’d have to say though, picking just one is hard. I’m not a Twitter user. I should be though, I feel as if I social network all day. The bank I work for is growing and I use Facebook or Linkedin to promote things at the bank on occasion. Or I post blogs from QLP plus more! I do this to help friends, co-workers, etc with their businesses or whatever they want to share. I’m all about social networking not just about myself or my work, but supporting things I support in general.

Linkedin is definitely evolving these days. I love it! Same with Facebook, but there’s always something new up. But, I totally agree with Jill. Linkedin is slowly one of my favorite sites. I am a little bit a creeper on both sites, but I like to keep up with everyone and everything that’s going on. So, if that makes me a creeper, I will keep creeping away.

I was wondering whether someone would mention the “Tom Cruise vampire” in the comments. I honestly wanted to include “Lestat” in this list somewhere, but I couldn’t find any usable pictures of him online.

Thanks for being a QLP blog enthusiast! We always appreciate the support. 😀 And don’t worry — there’s nothing wrong with spending the whole day networking. We all need our social fix nowadays.

I love the Myspace comparison to Edward Cullen! It’s funny because it’s so true, Myspace is all about appearances just like the sparkly good-for-nothing vampires in Twilight.

I have been a Nosferatu type vampire for quite some time now. I try not to use Facebook all the time, but I have been known to get really sucked into creeping on pictures. Time flies when you’re alone looking at someone else’s memories. It’s a little disturbing if you think about it.

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