How God Heals the Heart-Shattering Pain of Hurt

Being hurt is awful. It leaves our heart shattered to pieces.

I remember one time sitting stunned after an acquaintance rejected me. She had asked for help. It was as if I showed up on her doorstep, ready to help with a smile, only to have the door closed in my face. Her actions said I wasn’t good enough.

She trampled on my heart in a dance of mockery. We weren’t even close, but I struggled to forgive her.

Why do we hurt each other? Why do we inflict the pain?

Yet I find myself doing it to others. I judge them then reject them. It’s as if I tell God His creation is only mediocre and slip out the back door quietly.

I pray for you daily for emotional healing. Because I know—oh, how I know—the heart-wrenching pain of hurt. The tears come and you wish it would wash away the pain. It helps but crying alone doesn’t heal a heart.

Pain gives us the opportunity to learn; it is a constant reminder that our heart needs healing. The process of learning how to forgive provides the chance to grow. It’s not easy but forgiving others puts Jesus’ love on display.

Symptoms of Moving from Hurt to Offended

The Bible instructs us to forgive one another. If we don’t forgive, we hold unforgiveness in our heart and that is sin. Then the progression moves from a hurt (not a sin) to an offense (sin).

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:13 ESV

The enemy sees us get hurt and will try to take advantage of it. If we don’t deal with the hurt biblically, we leave an open door for the enemy to vex us.

An offense is “an annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult or disregard for oneself or one’s standards or principles.”

So a play on words here, go from offense [uh-fens] to offense [aw-fens] and attack the sin (not the person).

See this progression:

Feeling sad/down/depressed

Not wanting to be around anyone while simultaneously lonely

Sensitive

Judgmental (look for venom in your voice when talking or even thinking about that person)

Angry

Resentful

Hate

When someone hurts us, we naturally feel sad, but if we don’t quickly take care of it according to the Word, it goes downhill fast.

Rejection sets in, and we reject others. We are overly sensitive in response to them.

Then we begin to point the finger and look at “what they did to us,” which makes us angry.

After that, we rehearse it in our head and start to resent them for it.

When bitterness sets in, we may as well say we hate that person because that’s how we are treating them in our heart and probably in our actions as well.

Ouch? Yeah, I know. From experience on both sides of the coin.

Why It’s Important to Forgive

When I was a teenager, I used to shun interaction with my family because I felt incredibly hurt and perceived I was rejected by them. Rejection rejects. How could I feel so betrayed in a pastor’s family?

Someone gave me a tape by a pastor who had unforgiveness toward his congregation (I don’t remember who it was). After listening to it, God led me to write down each family member’s name and each way I felt they had done me wrong. The bitter tears burned down my cheeks.

It took a long while, but after finishing I looked at that paper. The scribbles looked like a mountain. Then the Holy Spirit convicted me: I had an enormous mountain of unforgiveness toward my family!

I ostracized them because I thought they were rejecting me! But as difficult as it is, we need to forgive.

Forgiveness is usually more difficult for the one doing the forgiving than the one being forgiven. We might forgive someone but not completely. The devil might try to convince us that the person owes us an apology in order for the relationship to be reconciled. But what if the person doesn’t say he is sorry? How we consciously respond to that question is critical.

Forgiving others is so important that Jesus said that the Father won’t forgive us if we don’t forgive others (Matthew 6:15). Not only that but it’s the medicine that heals a wounded heart.

When dealing with my mountain of offenses, I utilized the keys to unlocking the bondage of unforgiveness that I learned as a teenager.

5 Steps to Biblical Forgiveness

Pray the following:

I forgive [insert person’s name] for [insert specific offense]. Name what that person did. Get specific. Make it a complete forgiveness where no door is left open. Matthew 18:21-22.

[Insert person’s name] owes me nothing, not even an apology, for [insert specific offense]. When someone takes something from us, we expect it back, right? We subconsciously believe they owe us an apology at the very least. Matthew 6:12.

I forget that [insert person’s name] did [insert specific offense]. We must choose to forget the offenses or we will invite a spirit of resentment to vex us. 1 Corinthians 13:5.

I renounce any negative feeling I have toward [insert person’s name].I choose to love [insert person’s name]. Praying this is doing the Word instead of being ruled by our emotions. Proverbs 10:12.

Father, help me see [insert person’s name] the way You do. God sees His creation with matchless love. John 3:16. He sees His people as righteous because of Jesus. Romans 3:22.

When Hurt Shatters Our Heart, God Resurrects It

If we are struggling to forgive then we need to ask ourselves how long do we want to stay hurt?

I’ve had to repeat the powerful process above innumerable times in my relationships, and each time I have experienced amazing healing. My heart would be shattered to fragments, but every time I say, “I forgive,” the pain decreases. It’s as if each time I say it, God takes a piece and reattaches it to the whole until it’s risen from the dead.

Why? There is power in doing the Word.

Peter asked Jesus how many times we are supposed to forgive someone. “Jesus said to him, ‘I do not I say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times’” (Matthew 18:22 ESV). The principle of forgiving from the heart stands above the place of tracking an exact number of offenses. Those who practice putting a limit on forgiveness will be overtaken by a root of bitterness.

So when we are hurt, we forgive. We choose to love one more time. We put a brave heart out there again and go into the world to shine the light of God’s love.

Related

Comments

I’m going to be playing around with that little play on words, not only because it’s so clever, but because it’s so powerful. Thanks be to God that He empowers us to heal and to view the hurt as a launch pad to a new and greater strength.

Good morning neighbor! Just reading your title brought back a memory or two. And that’s ok. Forgiveness is the open door to healing. Not necessarily reconciliation, but a peace and ability to wish the other well.

Love your play on words. So clever and convicting! Such a great post on a needed topic. We make our hearts toxic when we harbor unforgiveness. And oftentimes the offender goes on blissfully about their life unaware of the hurt they’ve caused. Excellent post! Blessings!

Kelly, what a spot-on post. I, too, have been on both sides of the forgiveness coin. God has done with me similarly to what He did with you. He helped me identify the heart attitudes I clung to and showed me what they meant: I wasn’t forgiving that person. The crazy thing is, we are the only ones truly hurt by our unforgiveness. The other person usually moves on without much thought of the internal anguish we put ourselves through.

There is something powerful about giving up our right to get even or hold a grudge against another. When we give that to God, He enables us to forgive and to know freedom. sometimes, I’ve had to give the hurt and unforgiveness to Him many times, as part of my path toward forgiveness. I’m so thankful for His patience and grace.

True, it is powerful to give up our rights . We find freedom and healing when we let go of a victim mentality and allow God to work in us. Thanks for sharing your testimony on this subject. Wonderful that you allowed God to work in you in this way. Praise God!

Wonderful wisdom, I have learned to listen for the venom in my voice, I never want to become what I hate in others. Just today, I was asked to remove a blog post because it was against the administrator’s rules, even though she and I have talked frequently, I just didn’t read it. I wasn’t offended, and I was blessed.

Great post!
Visiting from Fresh Market Friday.
It’s all about heart attitude isn’t it, it is a choice how we react & what we expect of others in any given situation in their reactions.
Love & forgiveness go together & cover a multitude of sins, as the Word says.
God forgave us, who are we not too…but we have to come to this place before Him in our heart attitude. Don’t you agree?
You are most welcome to drop by with your favorite beverage & tasty treat for a time of reflection.
Jennifer

Very interested in that progression list, absolutely spot on. We have just over the past year experienced this with various members of our church and it can be so hard to help them move on to forgiveness.

I am so excited to hear what God is saying to this anointed woman of God! Kelly possesses wisdom beyond her years and an anointing that breaks the chains of oppression through truth and power. I love it when I can hear passion for the Word through a woman’s written testimony or teaching!

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Always inspired by Kelly R. Baker and her heartfelt and poignant posts that relate to living a Godly life. She...

I crossed paths with Kelly this year of 2016 and have been so blessed by her kind and caring heart, love for God’s word and her willingness to be a friend. I am excited to see where God takes her writing and very thankful to get to come to her blog and learn something each time.

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Kelly is breath of fresh air in an online world full of disorienting and confusing smog. She bravely and boldly...

Kelly is breath of fresh air in an online world full of disorienting and confusing smog. She bravely and boldly blogs about the important things—the Gospel and ultimately God’s glory. Her words are easy to read and point her readers to the best Word of all—God’s word.

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Kelly has insight and love of the Scriptures that grew from her upbringing as a child of Godly parents and...

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Kelly R Baker

2017-06-05T16:31:57+00:00

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Kelly has insight and love of the Scriptures that grew from her upbringing as a child of Godly parents and grandparents. She is not afraid nor too proud, to be honest in her life experiences and uses no masks… she is who she is … a true woman of God. I am often amazed at her deep knowledge of God’s Word for her young age, but she strives to serve God in the ways He wants her to serve Him …and us. She is an encourager but does not hold back on correction or reproof from the Lord. Her blogs are certainly WELL worth the few minutes to read them… as they will give you hours of meditation on God’s Word and thoughts of how to serve Him to our utmost.

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I highly recommend this blog. It helps Christians of all walks of life know, read, study, and be like Jesus...

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Kelly R Baker

2017-06-05T16:33:53+00:00

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I highly recommend this blog. It helps Christians of all walks of life know, read, study, and be like Jesus Christ.