Have you ever wanted something (or someone) so badly that you just knew if it didn’t happen for you, life would just not be complete? The more you thought about that one thing, the more convinced you became that this was God’s will for you. It was your dream and you knew it was meant to be.

Then it didn’t happen. Or it did, but not in the way you had fantasized? Now, you’re thinking, what was I thinking? Why did I think this one thing was going to fulfill my destiny? Make my life complete?

Was this really God’s will or something I “hoped” was His will?

Oh, let me count the times I pushed, pulled, and manipulated results that ultimately ended up disastrous when I finally got whatever it was that, at the time, was going to bring me life and joy.

I placed my identity, my worth, on the ideal that I conjured in my mind. That thing or person would complete me, not my life, but actually me as a human being.

No wonder I always fell short. No wonder after I finally got what I so desperately sought, I would feel empty, cheated, unworthy.

This happened in my career, relationships with men, possessions, even in the striving for a certain physical appearance. All of it defined me and always let me down.

And to cover that disappointment and pain, I would resort to “feel-good, short-term” solutions like overeating, overdrinking, over-you-name-it.

It wasn’t until I began the journey back to God that I finally realized that I have value as a person simply because He created me.

And that I could have whatever I wanted in this life. It would only require that I count the cost. Would I be required to go against TRUTH and my most authentic self?When I answered this and other questions I could courageously venture toward the goal, the dream.

And it was okay, no matter how it turned out because the thing itself did not identify me.

The quest for eternal youth isn’t new to our culture. With a number of us approaching or well into the senior years, there seems to be an increasing struggle to maintain a youthful appearance. It’s part of our youth-obsessed culture, and it doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon.

The anti-aging industry has risen to the demand for eternal youth, or the appearance of it, to become a multi-billion dollar force in our country. They’re giving us what we want in the way of procedures and potions.

While I was in grad school in my 50’s I studied the aging of the American woman and its impact on increasing depression and substance abuse issues in women over 50.

My research revealed that when women are satisfied with life when their identity isn’t tied to how young they look, but how good they feel—that healthy self-esteem and confidence that comes from deeper spiritual and emotional work—the number of years becomes insignificant compared to their enthusiasm for life.

When we engage with others in meaningful relationships, life-enriching activities (fun included), and a sense of purpose, we can stop chasing the elusive 60 is the new 30 social construct and respond to our bodies with love and kindness. That means we can take care of our emotional, physical and spiritual health and reap the benefits well into older age.

There has never been a time when we can re-assess and re-invent the next stage of life as today. Look around—women are boldly taking control of their lives. They’re building businesses; volunteering where their heart leads, and doing all the things they finally have time for!

From my view, I see more women getting into what stimulates, inspires and moves them. Retirement from a long-held job position means time to plan another great adventure.

Am I getting rid of my lotions and potions anytime soon? No, but I’m not chasing the dragon of the next big thing to look like a younger me (there are two things women can’t hide; one of them is age).

Instead, I’m dedicating time and energy to my life’s mission of helping the next woman to take back her life! I am so excited that my life experience and training can show women that they do have what it takes to live a fulfilled and prosperous life when they let go of what they can’t control (growing older) and focus on what they can —finding meaning and happiness today. Click here for more.

I’m taking time to see my grandkids, spend time with my friends and husband, and making sure I live this one life God gave me to the fullest.

How about you? If you’re under 50, how are you feeling about the aging process? How about you Boomers? I’d love to hear from you.

Maybe you don’t celebrate Christmas in the traditional way—the tree, the decorations, the gifts, the celebration of the birth of our Savior, Jesus, the music and the gatherings. And gathering with family.

Maybe you celebrate the Holiday season—the festivities, gifts, or just getting together with family and friends. Or maybe you travel somewhere special.

It may also mean a season of sadness, hardship, and loneliness for some of you.

I’ve been through a few rough Christmas seasons.

As a child living in a chaotic, abusive, and alcoholic home, Christmas meant opening our presents, the parents getting drunk and not knowing what was going to happen next. It could be peaceful or explosive.

Years later, in an unhappy, alcoholic, abusive marriage, it meant the same. Not always; I just never knew.

When I finally decided to reach out for help for my co-dependency and my own alcoholism, the journey to Take Back My Life! began and with it a life of endless possibility.

And through that healing, I created new holiday traditions. One year I spent the day with girlfriends at the beach where I lived who, like me, were alone. Good food, a long walk, and plenty of conversation, I felt happy, fulfilled. I wasn’t anxiously waiting for bad things to happen, I expected only the good. And, it came to me.

Even when it meant the first Christmas celebration without my dad, I allowed myself to feel the pain of his absence and relish in the joy of being with my kids and my sisters. We found solace and happiness in being together even in the sadness.

Wherever you are this holiday season, I pray that you will find love and joy. I pray that you will not face the loneliness or grief alone. Reach out for help.

Life is too short, and you only have this one; make it happen for you.

Have you ever been so excited about doing something good for yourself? Maybe you’ve decided to take an exercise class, get involved in a social or personal development group, commit to making healthy meals every night—whatever it is, you always start out with so much enthusiasm! You’re thrilled to finally get started on your plan.

This time you mean it; you will do this!

You give it your best effort, but quickly find that life’s issues edge out the promise you made to yourself. The commitment gets buried under the frantic lifestyle you’ve lived for so long. Once again you’re feeling out of control, unable to stay with it.

Trying to do it all and take care of you can lead to overwhelm. When you’re in overwhelm, you can’t think to take the best action; you’re on auto-pilot, going from one situation to another without determining if it’s the most important thing to do or making the time for that thing you were so excited about.

You’re exhausted because you can’t keep up with it all, and now there’s no time for healthy eating, exercise or nourishing your mind and soul—self-care.

“Overwhelm is a signal from your unconscious mind telling you to do one thing: Prioritize.”

As women we spend so much time meeting the needs of others and the demands of the world, those plans you made to finally take care of you can quickly fade from thrilled to killed.” Hey, what happened?” you may wonder.

Once again, you have given up on what you need and given in to the demands of others, of life. You might believe that you have no control over what happens, so you just quit taking care of you and get back to the status quo–sadly.

You may not think so, but when you take care of yourself first, you are better equipped to control your time and energy.

You can figure out what’s most important instead of trying to do it all at the expense of your health, your desires, and needs. And those around you benefit from a vibrant, healthy you as well.

It isn’t easy to “mind shift” from feeling like “this is just the way it is and always will be” to figuring out how you can get out of overwhelm and back in control of your life.

You need:

Desire—a strong one—to say I will learn to take care of my needs first.

Strategy– If you’ve always done things the same way, the old ways won’t work to get you what you want and need. You’ll need a plan.

Guidance—someone or a group who can lead you through the process of change.

Faith to believe you can make the changes necessary totake back your life.

A commitment to seeing the process through until you’re finally living what I call “out loud” –authentic, confident and in control.

Change happens inside. As you take the steps to wholeness, you will find yourself living the life God meant for you—fulfilled and in peace.

Almost everything I set my mind to accomplish, I succeeded; the problem was everything I set my mind to accomplish, I succeeded. I chased after people, places and things that did not reflect God’s best for me.

How do I know it wasn’t God’s best? There was no joy. Always miserable, I looked outside of myself for validation, making sure everyone else was okay, and always feeling guilty for not doing or being enough.

So I chased after things I thought would make me feel good, look good—never stopping to do the onething that was necessary if I wanted to live true to me, to my values, what was really important.

Anytime you live outside of your core values—the things that reflect who you are–your behavior runs contrary to them as you maneuver through life stressed out, anxiety filled, and in chaos because of the constant internal conflict.

I lived this way for many years. When I finally crashed and burned—because at some point you can’t keep all those plates spinning—I became willing to get honest about who I was, what mattered.

What a relief to finally be free from OPP (other people’s plans) and my own worn out beliefs/behaviors that kept me from my dreams and plans for a fulfilled life. I didn’t do this alone. I had to reach out for help from the women who mentored and coached me, guiding me on the path, encouraging me to take the actions to make the changes critical to a new way of living.

Does this resonate with you? Are you just coping, dealing with life, or settling for whatever the day brings? Do you feel like you have no control over your future?

I encourage you today to take some time to evaluate where you are right here, right now. Be honestwith yourself—this is the beginning.

The journey to the real “me” forced me to make some tough decisions for a life of peace and truth, and it’s all been worth it. And, you’re worth it too!

Love you Yolanda Gray! You have always been such a positive influence in my life! You are such a natural at this! Thank you for your beautiful words of wisdom, inspiration, and faith. I hope you and your family have an amazing Christmas! Xo 💕

Is it time TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE?

If you can answer “yes” to two or more of these questions, then you may be a woman who is living in chaos—in your mind, in your life-- over-scheduled, over-committed and overwhelmed— a woman who does too much and can’t figure out how to make it all work.

Do you find yourself:

Anxious, stressed-out more often than not?

Just coping with the demands of the everyday, on auto-pilot?

Often forgetting appointments/birthdays, etc.

Unable to sleep or once you get to sleep; you wake up with roaming thoughts?

Looking like you have it together but deep inside you know it isn’t working?

Involved in areas or activities that drain your energy?

Engaging in unhealthy behaviors—overeating, overdrinking, over-shopping to find relief from what has become your life and your inability to change it?

Unable to control others or situations, leaving you frustrated and sad?

Filled with guilt because you “should be” “fill in the blank” and “shouldn’t be” “fill-in-the-blank” (doing, feeling, acting this way)

With a diagnosis of a stress-related dis-ease?

Are you ready to stop settling? To stop "just dealing with it"? To stop coping? Are you ready to Take Back Your Life and become a vibrant, healthy, joy-filled woman—the one you were created to be?

I'm Coach Yolanda Gray and I'm here to help you do that! I’m so glad you’re here!
Contact me here to schedule your free Take Back Your Life Coaching Session

Yolanda is a certified holistic life coach with a bachelor’s of science in human development and a master of arts in human relations. Over 15 years of experience in creating and facilitating workshops in the areas of personal and spiritual growth and alcohol recovery using the 12-step model. She is a skilled presenter, workshop and retreat facilitator and speaker who can actively engage her audience for a power-filled, enlightening experience.

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Have you ever wanted something (or someone) so badly that you just knew if it didn’t happen for you, life would just not be complete? The more you thought about that one thing, the more convinced you became that this was God’s will for you. It was your dream and you knew it was meant […]