In this Entry Ade Will Fail To Create A Workable Diet Plan (Again)

I have a history of trying out a couple of ways to lose weight and failing at them, miserably. Everytime. Losing weight is kind of a pressing matter for me, because I am slowly starting to resemble a blimp and blimps walking around in malls aren’t generally accepted in society. Anyway, yeah, diet. I need to do it fast. Plus exercise.

Finding lunch that doesn’t leave me starving five minutes after I take my last bite isn’t exactly an easy feat. If I want to be full, I’d either go to one of the several fast-food outlets that are surrounding the office. Now that’s a bit of a problem, you see, because I usually go crazy and order the fucking biggest items on their menu and gorge like a pig. This usually results in me scaring the shit out of the people in the next table — you should see the looks of horror on their faces as they watch me eat the shit out of my fried chicken.

Oh yeah, healthy food? I’m stuck with a “salad” made of two leaves, three croutons, and slathered liberally with caesar salad dressing. That’s probably not going to be as healthy as I would hope. There’s also the sandwich option, but you know, I can only take so many sandwiches in a week. Besides, if my woman don’t prepare those sammiches for me, it ain’t worth it.

Anyway, I’ve read this Public Humiliation Diet sorcery and I want to give it a try. Well, except for the part where I have to post my weight on Twitter everyday, because I have enough embarrassing shit posted there already and I don’t think I need to add more.

However, the part where I have to drink a fuckload of unsweetened green tea is pretty much doable. In fact, I’ve done it over the last week and I am enjoying the shit out of green tea. What do you mean, scurvy? Fuck that. I’m drinking the shit out of green tea until I die of malnutrition. We all know, however, that like most of the things I start (like this erection) I often fail to follow through. KFC will probably introduce another new variant to their chicken and you’ll find me going batshit crazy inside their nearest branch one of these days, while you see all these people running and crying like crazy from me.