Why are you staring at me like that?

In the past I’ve shared how I get some odd looks from
non-horsey people. Apparently my everyday stable clothes make me look either out
of place or marginally deranged whenever I venture beyond my little
horsekeeping community.

Perhaps you’ve had the same experience if you’ve stopped at
the bank, grocery store, dentist’s office or hair salon on your way home from
the barn. (For the record I am guilty of all four of those offenses). Most of
the non-horsey people stare at us with puzzled confusion or barely cloaked
suspicion.

In all fairness, maybe we do sometimes look a bit strange compared
to the rest of society. In fact, just so we can have a good laugh at ourselves
rather than develop a psychological complex, I created an informational cartoon
diagram.

Click for larger image

A horsewoman’s hairstyle is permanently crimped into one
of two styles: the infamous Hat/Helmet Bob or the ever-popular Hogtied
Ponytail. (This being the path of least resistance for those horsewomen determined
to hang on to their long locks).

No, it’s not the result of a catfight at the local honky
tonk. The bruise blossoming on your cheek is due to stepping on the metal barn
rake last night and getting slapped in the face with the handle.

While in line at the grocery store you rummage through
your jeans pocket, looking for coupons you clipped. Instead you pull out crumbled
remnants of horse cookies. Embarrassed, you tell the folks in line, “I was
teaching my two-year-old to climb into the trailer.” Somehow that explanation
makes them stare at you even harder.

Thanks to the tread on your paddock boots, you leave a
telltale trail of compressed barn muck in your wake. And doesn’t it smell
wonderful?

Patches of dried horse sweat, saddle soap residue and
shed horse hair have formed a multi-media collage on the inside of each jeans
pant leg. Maybe it’s time for laundry day…

Who says you can’t make a stylish purse by snapping a
roping rein to the top of a nylon saddle bag?

Band-aids of a size usually reserved for industrial
accidents adorn your hands. (That’s the last time you try longeing a greenie in
an open field without your gloves).

Good news: You got a free hoodie as a bonus gift when
you bought that 10-pack of paste de-wormers. Bad news: You seem to be
advertising the fact that you’re infested with nematodes.

I usually end up with a horrible case of helmet head due to the hair spray that clings to my helmet and then reluctantly releases my hair when removed. I also get used as the community kleenex whenever they feel the need to wipe their noses on my sleeve. And my favorite is the sweaty dirt up the back side of my jeans from riding bareback. My daughter calls it looking like a “hot mess”.