Christian College Sex Comedy Ch. 04

(Yes, this tale is supposed to be somewhat humorous and outrageous too. While not always comedic I'd like to think it is mostly a good-natured romp.)

I was slumped down on the floor against the wall when an expensive pair of shoes came at me. Since my stomach and left side were well acquainted with pain already I chose to block with both arms which hurt a little bit less. This unnamed assailant pivoted back for another kick when Heaven grabbed him by the back of the neck and slammed his head into a picture above my head.

He dropped like the sack of shit that I'm sure he was. I was struggling up when Cappadocia grabbed my wrist and helped me stand. Three more guys stood between us and the bathroom door, outside of which a battle of the sexes was starting to be waged; FFU vs. AKA fraternity. You may be wondering how I ended up here; I sure am.

(I promise this will all make sense eventually)

Starting in the Past

The light tapping on my door broke my oral attention on Barbie Lynn's right nipple. I kept frigging her with two fingers in her cunt while I caught a quick look at the time. It was twelve-ten in the morning. Who the hell?

"I need to check this out," I warned Barbie.

"What?" she wondered. "What's going on?"

"There is someone at the door and I think I know who it is. I'll be right back," I explained. Barbie looked apprehensive for obvious reasons. I grabbed a robe and headed down to the door as there was a second rap at the door.

I swung the door open and there stood Rio.

"Hey, Bitch, are you going to make me wait out here or what?" she teased me. I stood aside and followed her back to my bedroom. Barbie had disappeared under the quilt and covers but I was careful to not sit on her when I flopped onto the bed.

"What can I do for you?" I inquired of Rio.

"Keep it holstered, Cowboy," Rio laughed. "Save that python for your playmate Barbie. Do remind her that if she rides you too rough, she can break it off."

"I'll have you know she's the most gentle and sensitive woman I've ever known," I countered with a grin of my own.

"Really?" she asked speculatively.

"Really," I affirmed.

"In that case, maybe you can give her to me for an evening. I'd like to play with her; you know, a little light bondage, spanking, and a dildo, vibrator or three," she asked suggestively.

"Is that all?" I asked.

"Of course, I'd put those succulent lips to good use and I bet her tongue is to die for. I'd also love to chew on those massive titties, bite her and mark her as my own," Rio added. "If she moans like enough of a slut, I'll even eat her out too."

"If it somehow comes up in casual conversation I'll let her know," I promised, while at the same time I resolved to actually have a decent hiding place when I fixed things up.

"Don't do that," Rio insisted. "I'd rather kidnap her, blindfolded, so that I can take her to a bar and hand her around like a party favor."

"That's kind of cold," I cautioned her. "What about her virginity?"

"There are all kinds of chastity belts I can fit her with that leave her mouth and ass free," Rio regaled me. I really had no idea but I didn't doubt it existed.

"Isn't that a bit harsh? What has Barbie Lynn ever done to you?" I was curious to know.

"Barbie Lynn, she is a girl in need of a good, hard fucking, regularly and repeatedly" She grinned like she was a female Loki, Goddess of Mischief.

"If you think so...I guess I could tie her up and leave her for you, bound and gagged in the trunk of my car. I'm sure when you get to the bar you'll find some big strong men to take her out for you," I outlined the plan. Rio desperately fought down her giggles.

"Well, that's given me some pleasant images to get to bed with," Rio came over and kissed me on the cheek. "Give me that sleeping bag and I'll catch some Zs."

"Sure, no problem. You know how I snore so if you hear any noise coming from my bed, just ignore it," I winked.

"Okay. As long as nothing touches the floor, I'll be fine," she assured me.

"What happens if something touches the floor?" I had to ask. It was getting downright hilarious.

"I scream like a banshee. I was molested by a Chihuahua when I was young and I've never gotten over it," Rio snickered.

"I will keep all my bits up on the bed, then. Now, get squared away so we can get some sleep," I grinned. Rio laid out my sleeping bag below the footboard and climbed inside.

"Good night, Zane," Rio yawned as I cut off the light.

"Good night, Rio," I replied.

"Good night, Barbie Lynn," Rio giggled.

There was a long pause as a naked Barbie tensed up, then wiggled up from beneath the bed coverings. She looked at me curiously then crawled down on all fours to the foot of the bed. I was momentarily paralyzed by the look of Barbie's entire rearview cast in the pale moonlight.

"How did you know I was here?" Barbie Lynn questioned Rio.

"Unless Zane started sleeping with fifty pounds of extra bedding, there was someone under the covers with him; then it was a matter of figuring out who was the sexiest upperclassman who would take the risk," Rio explained.

"So this whole talk about kidnapping me and taking me to a bar was meant to scare me?" Barbie accused Rio, who snickered yet again.

"Tell me, Barbie, did that get you hot or what? Be honest now," Rio challenged her. Barbie Lynn flushed furiously and looked over her shoulder at me, trying to gauge her words to my reaction.

I moved up behind her, kissing from the small of her back then forward while my hand rubbed along her ass and flanks. She kept her eyes on me until my hand cupped her sex, at which point her eyes shut and her breathing increased.

"Ooohhh..." Barbie Lynn sighed as she let her legs part and her cunt went from damp to dripping.

"If Zane was with me, I'd feel safe," Barbie stammered nervously. "He'd not let anything bad happen to me...but I'd like to...just a little." I'd never tied a girl up before now, I'd never really wanted to, but taking in all of Barbie right at the moment, I made a note of consorting with my sorority friends about what to use when the opportunity presented itself.

Two fingers in, two fingers out, two fingers in, two fingers out...one finger in her cunt and one in her ass. Barbie shuddered deliciously.

"Save it for your creative writing assignment in English class," I nudged her. "Now seriously, I need to get dressed and so do you." Rio's exaggerated frown only made me chuckle harder but I did manage to shush her out.

I sang my way to breakfast -- literally. The latest demand of my Handmaiden's Duty was a rendition of 'Call Me Maybe' which garnered us quite an audience if not accolades for my proficiency. Rio tried to record me on her phone but an observant junior picked Rio for a piggy back ride. Iona hovered closely to Barbie Lynn again, which kept her safe.

Christina snatched us on the way to Assembly. One look told me things had gone horribly wrong but I didn't know why. She picked me and when I protested (a junior named Sybil had pre-ordered my services) Heaven grabbed Iona as a clear threat to me. Chastity hijacked Rio before she could throw her food tray on Christina's head but I admired my buddy's fanaticism and loyalty.

"I'm with Sybil," I tried to explain, but that girl did a quick disappearing act. "Okay, then, what do you want me to do?"

"We seem to have this little disagreement about you thinking you can dictate my behavior," she smiled sweetly, "so I'm going to be monopolizing your time for the rest of the semester."

"Stop it!" I growled back to Rio angrily enough to stop her. "This is what they want."

"Hmmm..." Christina contemplated, "I was going to allow you to crawl on the grass but now I think you will do it on the walkway." Crawling all that way on bricks would be painful to say the least.

"Now I think we'll have Rio do it," she continued. I waved Rio to silence. "As I remember you have this noble streak so I'm going to give you the option of you traveling on the bricks or letting Rio do it." It was some horrible sick joke and I knew the results before I spoke.

"I'll do it," I answered, but again, I knew it was useless.

"Agreed," Christina handed me her book bag while Heaven did the same to Rio, "Rio can take the walkway and I'll let you take the grass." She waited for my response.

"What; no repose? No protests? No rants?" she questioned.

"That's not where my mind is at, Christina. You just keep digging a deeper hole. I'll bury you in it; how you crawl back out is your business," I shrugged.

"I understand, Zane. Faith, give your books to Iona. She can share the walkway with Rio," Christina ordered. Again I had to stop Rio from erupting; there was nothing I could do. We were boned in this bizarre institution's humiliating ritual.

"Zane will take the walkway on his knees, Rio can do the same on the grass, and Iona can carry the rest of our books," Chastity announced out of the blue.

"Chastity?" Christina questioned her rebellious minion.

"They get the point," Chastity suggested.

"I'm with Chastity," Hope declared.

"I'll explain when we get outside," Chastity all but begged.

I had to scratch megalomania off my list of possible character flaws of Christina; she motioned our little troupe to proceed and made no protests when we freshmen took up our duties. Rio and I had to cover two hundred feet on our knees; I flashed Rio a vicious, confident grin. She grinned back and mouthed 'Fuck all the bitches,' which made me chuckle.

"What is so funny?" growled Heaven.

"Your skirt is caught in your underwear so every time you step left your skirt rides up," I lied convincingly. Heaven reached around and tried to straighten out the nonexistent problem.

"I accept that Heaven is going to get her due and I'm fine with that. Of course, when I finally bring you to your knees, I know that look on your face is going to be priceless," I glared back.

"You are also not going to see Barbie Lynn outside of official business," Christina informed me.

"I'll give your suggestion all the merit it deserves," I smiled.

"That is not a suggestion, and if you do see her again, she will be expelled and a letter of explanation will be sent to her parents and fiancé," Christina said intently. That brought me up short. "I'm not going to mention you, Zane. She'll go down but you will remain scot free."

"Why are you doing this to him?" Iona murmured.

"He needs to learn his lesson," Faith whispered to her.

"Oh," the normally timid freshman responded, "is that what this is? He is so going to own all of you if this is the best you've got." Hope burst out in laughter at the mouse's challenge.

The ordeal was over for the period but resumed when class let out again. Iona's schedule was in shambles because Christina had let word get out that Rio and I were out of bounds for anyone else in the school. By the time I went to Archery, my slacks were torn and my knees were bleeding. Chastity did what she could do as my Team Captain but then I was back on my knees heading to Karate.

In an abstract way my teammates in Karate knew what was happening to me but when they saw that I could barely move without wincing in pain, they became conflicted. Coach Dana was nice enough to offer to take me to the Chancellor so I could quit and end my suffering. I opted for letting my teammates in the second squad beat me up instead.

The only hard part about my dinner plans was the reality that I was the only boy on campus. No one would confuse me with any other student so sneaking off to my dorm was impossible. The answer to my dilemma should have been obvious to Christina -- glaring obvious. As it was, I had to get Christina's reaction secondhand as Rio, Iona, and I were cruising into town in my car with civilian clothes helpfully provided by my secret ally.

Rio groaned sarcastically when we arrived at our destination where Iona clapped her hands in glee. My argument was that everyone liked ice cream and, while Rio declared the whole endeavor to be juvenile, that didn't stop her from ordering three scopes with whipped cream and sprinkles.

I was paying for our outing when three girls walked in.

"Zane?" the third girl asked. I took her in only long enough to know she looked better in a swim suit.

"Hey, Leigh," I grinned. "You look even better with clothes on."

Leigh gave a hearty laugh while her companions tried to make sense of the situation.

"The Zane?" the lead woman inquired. I looked at her quizzically. "Zane, our next door neighbor?" How had I suddenly become famous enough to earn a 'The' in front of my name?

"Sure, that's me. I've been at school but that's my house," I responded.

"Tawny, Ricky, and Leigh, I apologize for Rio. We've had some issues with upperclassmen all day long and it has left some of us crankier than others," I said.

"Things can be rough for freshmen; we understand," Tawny allowed as she eyed me speculatively.

"How about I buy you all some cones?" I offered in return.

"We are not here for ice cream...or ice cream in cones," Leigh explained. "We have a party Saturday night, our first of the semester, and we need to place an order for a few gallons."

"Cool. I hope you ladies have a blast," I nodded as I moved to join Rio and Iona, letting the sorority girls move to the counter and make their order. They eventually did get some cones and came our way.

"Horny sluts at seven o'clock," whispered Rio as they approached me from the rear.

"Zane," Tawny smiled down at me, "are you rushing a fraternity?" Rio snorted in derision.

"Zane couldn't rush a fraternity," Rio explained. "It would tragically cut down on his time with all his girlfriends." The three older women gazed at me, looking for the punch line.

"Here you go," Iona stated, holding up her phone to Tawny. "This is Barbie Lynn...Christina...Chastity...Brandi...Hope...Cappadocia...Opal..." she continued to go down the list of women in my life as well as displaying their pictures. The ladies went from skeptical to confused to impressed.

"You are sleeping with all these girls...in your first three days of school?" Leigh wondered.

"No," Rio pre-empted, "he hasn't actually had sex with all of them. That's silly. The magic thing is how often he gets them to orgasm. What's your record, Zane?"

"It is not a contest," I protested.

"Oh, come on," Tawny urged me playfully.

"Ugh, fine. Seven, but she's really sensitive and responsive -- we mesh well," I answered. I'm not sure how many of them got past me saying the number '7'.

"Are you going to be home this weekend?" Leigh inquired suddenly.

"Planning on it," I replied.

"Well, why don't you come by Saturday night, then," Tawny suggested, "unless you are afraid of a little competition." Seeing my uncertainty, she added, "We are having our brother fraternity Alpha Kappa Alpha over for the party. The guy/girl ratio should be two-to-one so I can't promise you any time."

"Oh," I shrugged. "Do you want me to bring a friend or two?"

"Sure," Tawny grinned, "but make sure to keep an eye on them. The boys of AKA are pretty aggressive."

"I'll make sure to only bring the grown-ups," I laughed. We were all still chuckling when we broke up for the evening.

I Love Pushing Boulders Uphill

"Did you sleep well?" Christina greeted me. Since I'd been Barbie-free last night I had to frown.

"Thanks for asking," I shrugged. "I slept like a baby. Honestly, I'd expected a little more creativity from you, not this simplistic jack-booted thuggery. Please try to keep my interest today if you can."

"Let's get some breakfast...on your knees you two," she commanded. Clearly their plan for us involved attrition.

During breakfast the idea was to keep us apart, but they apparently forgot we'd all graduated kindergarten. We wandered around like loss little lambs and came to our collision from different angles. My only real worry was that Iona would chicken out since she had always been the good girl. She even sold the slip and spill well. This time Hope was the recipient of our hate and she looked quite fetching covered in grits, eggs, melons, and bacon.

The miraculous thing was that the kitchen let us reload. Chastity almost dodged the bullet but we nailed her pretty good as well. As we headed out for our first class, Rio and I on our knees, she turned to me grinning like a maniac.

"I am so looking forward to lunch," she told me.

"Really? So am I. I'm going to get the soup," I chuckled.

"Ooohhh...soup. I like soup. I may get two bowls," Rio exulted. There wasn't time to warn Rio, I had to act, so I threw myself on Rio and took Heaven's kick to the ribs myself.

"Heaven!" Christina shouted, but it was too late. I hurt like hell but I was damned if I was going to show it.

Rio looked up at me and rapidly put together what had happened. Before she could explode I prodded her.

"I hope the croutons in the salad are extra hard," I wheezed.

"Zane," Rio whispered, worried about my well-being.

"Give them nothing," I winked. "We know what low-life pieces of shit they are now. Give them nothing." Rio nodded and got back on her knees.

"Zane...I'm sorry," Christina said softly. I looked up her and projected my most indifferent expression.

"Can we get this over with? You bore me," I sneered at Christina. She snorted and shook her head.

"Take my books to class, Zane," she commanded, and I headed off. They took Rio and Iona off in another direction.

I was bleeding by the time I kneeled my way to lunch. Sadly, Team Christina was vigilant so we had to settle for a few bites sitting up against a wall before a Dorm Mother directed us to separate seats. We buried her in soup and crotons for her efforts, then apologized profusely. Dr. Burns chastised and lectured us about good Christian virtues. The senile old bastard almost let us go back for seconds but a different Dorm Mother pointed out the danger just in time.