The proper APA Style reference for this manuscript is:MCLENDON, P. C. (2000). The Relationship Between Past Infidelity and Acceptance of Infidelity in Others. National Undergraduate Research Clearinghouse, 3. Available online at http://www.webclearinghouse.net/volume/. Retrieved March 19, 2018
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The Relationship Between Past Infidelity and Acceptance of Infidelity in OthersPAM C. MCLENDONLOYOLA UNIVERSITY DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHOLOGY Sponsored by: MUKUL BHALLA (bhalla@loyno.edu)

ABSTRACT

The purpose of the present research was to see if people who have been unfaithful in the past would be more accepting of betrayal by someone else, whether their current partner or not. Forty-nine freshmen psychology majors/minors participated, who were recruited through convenience sampling, were presented with a questionnaire of six scenarios involving varying degrees of infidelity. After each question, they were asked if they would stay in the relationship if they were in that situation. At the end of the questionnaire, participants indicated whether they had ever cheated on anyone or had been cheated on. Results obtained for 4 of the 6 questions were not significant. In summary, participants were least tolerant of scenarios concerning severe infidelity.

INTRODUCTION

The Relationship between Past Infidelity and Acceptance of Infidelity in Others Infidelity in romantic relationships is a pervasive problem in North American society today. Married politicians, actors, and role models have all gained negative publicity for extramarital affairs. Similarly, it is estimated that 50% of married individuals have had an extramarital sexual involvement at least at some point in their marriage (Drigotas, Safstrom, and Gentilia, 1999). According to a study done by Knox, Zusman, Kaluzny, and Sturdivant (2000), 38% of 620 undergraduate students surveyed admitted to having been unfaithful in their current relationship. It is evident that infidelity is a common occurrence in married and dating couples alike. Various studies have been conducted to discover what people`s attitudes are about infidelity, why people are unfaithful, and how infidelity can be prevented and predicted. However, not much research looks at if people stay or leave after an incident of infidelity. Past research also fails to see how someone who has been unfaithful in the past reacts to a partner becoming unfaithful to him or her. Does he or she tend to understand why it happened or is he or she less accepting of it? Also, previous research does not examine how people who have cheated in the past react to cheating in other people`s relationships. The current study aimed to see if individuals who have been unfaithful in the past are more likely to accept cheating behavior in general. To begin with, it is important to consider how people react in a situation in which a partner has cheated on them, i.e., would they stay in the relationship or leave? According to a study conducted by Knox et al. (2000), over two- thirds of undergraduate students surveyed would end a relationship with someone who had cheated on them. However, the study asked participants to answer blanket statements such as "I would end a relationship with someone who cheated on me." Although it found that persons in love were more likely to leave a relationship then persons not in love, it failed to define what different behaviors would fall under the category of cheating. Cheating can range from becoming emotionally involved with someone outside a monogamous relationship to having sexual intercourse with that person. The percentage of participants that indicated they would leave a relationship could have been less depending upon the severity of the cheating incident. Similarly, the type of infidelity affects the acceptability of it; in this case acceptability refers to moral judgment. Of dating, kissing, petting, and sexual intercourse, young adults find sexual intercourse the most disturbing form of betrayal (Feldman, Cauffman, Jensin, and Arnett, 2000). It seems logical to conclude that couples are less likely to break up over smaller instances of cheating such as kissing than over sexual intercourse. In summary, the severity of the infidelity can determine whether or not a relationship will end. The justification provided for infidelity is a significant factor in deciding to end a romantic relationship. According to Drigotas, Safstrom, and Gentilia (1999), there are five basic categories of justifications given for betrayal: sexuality, emotional satisfaction, social context, attitudes- norms, and revenge- hostility. The most important of these categories is attitudes- norms. As found by Drigotas et al. (1999), the most acceptable justifications were that the partner fell in love with someone else and that he or she was from a different culture. The most disturbing of the justifications was that the partner`s friends thought it was permissible and/ or were being unfaithful to their partner, as well. Another important point concerning dissolution of a relationship over being unfaithful is the level of commitment present in the relationship. According to Drigotas, et al. (1999), the more committed an individual is to his or her partner, the less likely he or she is to be unfaithful. Perhaps this finding can be taken a step further. Committed individuals may also be less likely to leave a relationship after betrayal, in order to preserve the relationship. Preservation of the relationship might be a desirable end as many different things might have been invested in the relationship, such as time or money. In addition, Wallerstein and Blakeslee (1995), who studied fifty successful married couples, found that not one of the couples would automatically break up over an issue of infidelity. Certainly, marriages have a lot invested in them. In a like manner, amount of investment in a relationship is also a weighty factor when considering whether or not a couple will dissolve their bond. According to Drigotas et al. (1999), investments can be material or non- material. Material investments would include money, presents, etc. Examples of non- material investments could be time spent together and effort put into the relationship or even sexual behavior (Rostosky, 1999). The more a person has invested in a relationship, the less likely he or she is to leave it. This is because they would lose too much if they did leave. To conclude, what an individual has invested in a relationship and how much he or she has invested is related to leaving the relationship or not.Expected outcome of the relationship is yet one more meaningful factor. It stands to reason that the more committed a couple is, the more likely they are to have higher expectations of the relationship; in other words, they are more likely to expect to get married or have some other permanent arrangement. Couples that are together only for fun and have no serious plan for the future may be unfaithful to each other. However, this may not have such large implications on the relationship because both parties doubt the possibility of becoming permanent, therefore, they might not have any serious attachment to their partner and might have invested very little, anyway. The issue of someone being unfaithful in the past and their accepting of cheating behavior is another issue. Regardless of whether they had cheated in the past or not, it seems that whether or not they were in love would come into play. Research suggests that they would be quickest to leave if in love. However, if they were highly committed and had invested a lot, they might not be so quick to leave. Also, the perceived outcome of the relationship (marriage, etc.) is influencing. Someone who had cheated in the past might stay in a relationship where their partner had cheated if they did not see it as serious. They might view the relationship as an "open" one. In other words, highly committed individuals and very low- committed individuals are the most likely to stay in a relationship where infidelity has occurred. As far as how people who have cheated in the past views others, research shows that sex is an important indicator. According to research conducted by Feldman et al. (2000), males are more accepting of betrayal in general than females. In this instance, betrayal referred to petting or sex with a non- partner in the face of an agreement to be monogamous (Wasson, 2000). In addition, males accept sexual betrayal by males at high rates. Women, on the other hand, see sexual betrayal as altogether unacceptable whether performed by males or females. Men tend to find sexual betrayal more disturbing than emotional infidelity whereas women tend to find emotional betrayal more disturbing than sexual betrayal (Buss, 1999). This finding seems to hold across different cultures as found in a study conducted by Wiederman and Kendall (1999) in a sample of students from Sweden. In Buss` study (1999), American, Korean, and Japanese samples were used, all providing the same evidence. However, females are just as likely to commit acts of sexual betrayal (Wasson, 2000). According to the sociobiological perspective, males should mate with as many mates as possible in order to insure the survival of the species. Therefore, men tend to be more permissive about male betrayal. Female betrayal is not acceptable because infidelity by women would decrease the chance of a particular man being the father. Differences in sex were also investigated in the current study. It was hypothesized that people who have been unfaithful to a partner in the past would be more accepting of betrayal by someone else, whether their current partner or someone else outside of the relationship. This study hoped to identify if people are likely to stay in a relationship after an infidelity has occurred. We also expected that individuals more committed in their relationship are more likely to stay after infidelity. Commitment ranged from four and a half months to five years in the questionnaire that was provided to the participants. High commitment was defined as one year or more in a relationship. The purpose of this study was to look at how prior infidelity affects attitudes about infidelity. Also, we expected that people who have cheated in the past would be more likely to be permissive of it when a friend does it because they have been through the experience. The two variables tested were whether the participant had cheated or not and whether they were accepting of other`s cheating.

METHOD

ParticipantsA total of 49 undergraduate freshman students participated in the study. Students were largely psychology majors or minors. Eighty- five percent of the participants were female. All participants were between the ages of 17 and 19. Participants took part in the study to fulfill a requirement for a psychology class, and a small portion participated for course credit. All participants were recruited on the basis of being enrolled in a psychology learning community, a program designed for undergraduate, first semester freshmen students to get acquainted with the university`s academic resources. A convenience sample was used to obtain participants. MaterialsParticipants were given two informed consent forms, one for them to keep and one for the researchers, and a survey made up of two sections. The first section provided six scenarios of infidelity, each with a different fictitious couple. The amount of time the couple had been together varied on each passage, the least being 4.5 months and the most being 5 years. In half of the passages the woman was unfaithful, and in the other half the men were unfaithful. After each scenario, a question asked if the participant would stay in the relationship if he or she was the one being cheated on, with the responses being yes and no. Different background information was provided relating to the level of commitment present in the relationship, such as if they had discussed marriage. In the second section, five questions were asked. The first was a demographic question asking if the participant was male or female. The next two questions asked if the participant had ever cheated on a partner in the past and if the participant had ever been cheated on. The last two questions asked if the participant had ended the relationship because he/ she cheated or was cheated on. Please refer to Appendix A to see the questionnaire used in this study.Design and Procedure This study could be best represented as a quasi- experiment. The independent variable was the participant`s experience with cheating. The two levels of this variable were whether the participant had either cheated on someone or been cheated on and whether the participant had never cheated and never been cheated on. The dependent variable was whether or not they accepted cheating behavior in others. In theory infidelity is defined as physical contact with someone outside of a monogamous relationship as well as emotional involvement with someone else. However, for the purposes of this study, we were only interested in the physical aspect of infidelity. Infidelity was operationally defined as having physical contact with someone outside a monogamous relationship such as kissing or engaging in sexual intercourse. In theory accepting cheating behavior would be defined as finding cheating morally correct. However, it is unlikely that many people find cheating correct; they are more likely to find it admissible. Accepting cheating behavior was operationally defined for our study as marking "yes" for three or more of the passages in the questionnaire. Monogamy was defined as having an exclusive relationship with someone. In this study, the control was that all participants were of college age. Only participants between the ages of 17 and 23 were allowed to participate. Anyone younger or older was excluded from the study. Another control was the length of time the people in the scenarios had been together which varied from four and a half months to five years.Participants were seated at a large table. They were administered the informed consent form, and all other materials as a group. After reviewing the two informed consent forms (one for the participant to keep and the other for the researcher), which described the study`s purpose and objectives, they signed the form after choosing to participate. After agreeing to participate, the participants received a questionnaire. The directions for Section 1 instructed them to read the passages and to answer the question that followed each passage. It also provided a specific definition of monogamy that participants should use in answering the question after the passages. The first section of the questionnaire involved six passages describing instances of infidelity in fictitious long- term and short- term couples. After each passage, a question posed whether or not the reader would stay in the relationship given that they were the one being cheated on. The directions for Section 2 instructed the reader to answer the five questions that followed. A definition of infidelity was provided. The first question was a demographic question asking about sex. The rest of the questions asked if the participant had ever been unfaithful to a partner, had ever been cheated on by a partner or had ended their relationship because they cheated or were cheated on. After completing the three- page questionnaire, the participants were debriefed by the researchers. The debriefing summarized the study`s purpose and provided more information on why the topic was chosen. Afterwards, the participants were thanked and allowed to leave. The phone number of the chairperson of the Institutional Review Board was provided, so that a participant could report unethical behavior.The debriefing form also included the Career and Counseling Center`s phone number. If the issue of infidelity caused any distress or discomfort on the part of a participant because of a current, past experience involving infidelity, or other they were encouraged to contact the Career and Counseling Center to discuss these issues with a professional counselor. After having reviewed the debriefing form, participants were assured that all materials were anonymous and confidential. They were asked if they had any questions about the study`s purpose. Also, they were thanked for taking part in the study. The study was concluded by dismissing the participants from the room were they had filled out the questionnaires.

RESULTS

The original hypothesis in the present study was that people who have been unfaithful to a partner in the past would be more accepting of betrayal by someone else, whether it be their current partner or someone else outside of the relationship. A chi square was used to identify how many participants, both faithful and non- faithful accepted each scenario. Out of 49 participants, 17 said they had cheated on a partner in the past, and 32 said they had never been cheated in the past. For questions 1,2,5 and 6, the null hypothesis failed to be rejected. The strength of the relationship was strong for questions 3 and 4. Please refer to Table 1 to see the data. For the first question, 24 out of 32 non- cheaters indicated that they would stay in the relationship (x2(1, N=49)= .74, p> .05) while 12 of 17 cheaters said they accepted the relationship. In this study acceptance was defined as marking yes to the question "would you stay in this relationship?" On question 2, only 2 of 32 non- cheaters and 0 of 17 cheaters accepted the scenario (x2(1, N=49)= .29, p>.05). For the fifth question, 4 of 32 non- cheaters and 4 of 17 cheaters accepted the relationship (x2(1, N=49)= .32, p>.05). On the sixth question, 17 of 32 non- cheaters and 13 of 17 cheaters accepted the relationship (x2(1,N=49)= .11, p>.05).However, the null hypothesis was rejected for questions 3 and 4. On the third question, 1 of 32 participants who had been faithful in the past (x2(1,N=49)=0, p< .05) and 6 of 17 who had been unfaithful in the past accepted the situation. For the fourth question, 0 of 32 non- cheaters and 3 of 17 cheaters accepted the situation (x2(1,N=49)= .01, p< .05).The mean number of questions accepted by cheaters (M=2.24, SD=1.52) than non-cheaters (M=1.50, SD=.980). Of the 17 people who had been cheated on, all 17 ended the relationship for that reason. Also, 25 of 49 people said that they had been cheated on by someone and of those 25, 13 ended the relationship for that reason. In all, 20 of 49 participants had neither cheated or been cheated on. Twelve of 49 participants had been cheated on only. Four had cheated and 13 had been both cheated on and had cheated. The degree of freedom for all six questions was 1.

DISCUSSION

This study failed to support the original hypothesis that people that had cheated in the past would have a higher acceptance rate of betrayal by others than non- cheaters. Although cheaters accepted more scenarios of infidelity than non- cheaters, overall there were no significant differences between participants who had been unfaithful in the past and those who had not been unfaithful. In general participants, regardless of experience with cheating, accepted cheating to the same degree. They both tended to accept instances of infidelity when physical acts were minor such as with kissing. Participants were least accepting of infidelity in which sexual betrayal was involved. Only on two scenarios was there a significant difference between the two groups of participants; cheaters accepted them more than non- cheaters. One of these scenarios deals with a couple of 15 months in which the woman becomes restless with the relationship and "accidentally" has sexual intercourse with someone other than her partner. The other scenario concerns a relationship of two years. The man deceives his girlfriend and goes out with another woman with whom he winds up having sexual intercourse. Although little research has studied the present topic directly, other findings from the current study are consistent with past research. To begin with, according to Drigotas, Safstrom, and Gentilia (1999), investments are important factors in deciding whether or not a couple breaks up. People are less likely to leave when they have more invested in the relationship, and in this case the investment is time. The current research shows that participants were more likely to stay in a relationship in which the couple had been together longer, with amount of commitment ranging from 6 months to 5 years. Another meaningful point addressed by the present research that coincides with past research concerns the severity of the cheating incident. According to Feldman, Cauffman, Jensin, and Arnett (2000), the most disturbing form of physical betrayal as judged by young adults is sexual intercourse. For example for the third question, which dealt with sexual infidelity, most participants indicated that they would not remain in the relationship. The first question, concerning a relationship of six months in which a small occurrence of infidelity was involved, had a high acceptance rate among all participants. It is possible that for question 1, participants were largely tolerant of the infidelity because it was insignificant (the boyfriend kissed another woman). In addition, the relationship seemed to be valuable to each partner, as they both planned to be together long- term, and they considered their relationship to be a good one. Maybe people are less likely to leave in some cases when love is present. This idea is consistent with research by Wallerstein and Blakeslee (1999), who found that in their study of 50 successful marriages, not one couple would break up over an instance of infidelity alone. Because the severity of the cheating incident was small and since there was love in the relationship, many participants were "willing to overlook the mistake." With the second scenario, very few participants would stay. This may be attributable to the fact the cheating incident was severe- the woman had sex with another man. Also, one partner was set on being monogamous while the other was not sure. Since the severity of the betrayal was high and there appeared to be no mutual love, the relationship had little value to participants. Hardly any participants accepted questions 3, 4, and 5. Here again, the degree of the unfaithful incident was large as sex was involved. This fact seemed to overshadow commitment, love, and investment whether the relationship had any value or not, participants were highly intolerant of it. All of these three scenarios involved couple that had been together for at least a year. For question 6, about half of the non- cheaters accepted it and half did not. Perhaps persons who have been cheated on come to see infidelity as a common occurrence, and maybe as something normal. They could think that it is unrealistic to expect a romantic partner to be perfect all of the time and never make a mistake. On the other hand, people with no experience with cheating may see infidelity as something that rarely happens and is not normal. Therefore, they have little tolerance of it and see it as unacceptable. However, a lot of cheaters accepted this situation. It is likely that they saw this scenario not as offensive as some of the others because for the most part the couple was separated at the time of the infidelity and the couple had been having a lot of problems lately. People who have been unfaithful might have seen this as a typical and realistic instance of infidelity. One of the biggest shortcomings of this research was that almost all of the participants were freshman, psychology women. The lack of men could have made for different results. It is important that many of the participants were female because according to research, women are much more severe about infidelity, in general than men (Feldman, 1999). If there would have been a larger number of men, some pattern might have been identified. Research also indicates that men accept cheating a lot more for men than for women. If more men had taken part in the study, they might have accepted scenarios in which men cheated on their girlfriend more than scenarios in which the woman had cheated on her boyfriend. Another shortcoming was that there was not a big enough sample of cheaters; there were almost twice as many non- cheaters than cheaters. In addition, more participants altogether might have been more helpful. In the future, a sample size of 100 or more with a good mix of men and women would be of help. As for validity, the coefficient alpha was low; it was .56 which indicates that perhaps the questionnaire was measuring something other than what the present study addressed. Since the number of participants was not very large, this gave the current research less statistical power. Overall, this research adds to the body of knowledge in the area of infidelity and relationships. It presents information on how cheaters react to cheating itself and to be cheated on. This study has different implications. It suggests that infidelity is a common occurrence among college- age students, even though it is generally not accepted by them. It could help people realize this and help them prepare for an instance of infidelity in their own relationship. Theoretical implications include that people are altogether intolerant of severe infidelity such as sex, regardless of whether the relationship had value.There could have been improvements to this study. For one, future researchers could use different types of infidelity in the passages, not just kissing and sex but fondling, and other forms of sexual activity. It would also be helpful to use more passages and more variety of circumstances, like the cheater lying, trying to cover up or deny the betrayal, etc. It would also be helpful to make sure the passages are as objective as possible, with as few emotionally charged words like horrible and awful as possible. In addition, better results could have been obtained if a Likert scale were used on each question rather than simple yes/ no answers. Other research topics that would be interesting to explore is what type of infidelity occurs most often and under what circumstances, the relationship problems that can lead to infidelity, and whether a cheater is more upset when their partner finds out about the betrayal because they got caught or because they betrayed their partner.

Investigation with a sample from Sweden. Evolution and Human Behavior, 20, 121-128.

TABLE 1

Table 1

The Acceptance Rate of Infidelity Passages of Participants Who Have Never Cheated

in the Past and Those that Have Cheated

Cheating Experience of ParticipantAcceptance of Infidelity in Passages 1-6 Never Cheated Cheated

Passage 1 32 17 Accepted 24 12 Rejected 8 5

Passage 2 32 17 Accepted 2 0 Rejected 30 17

Passage 3 32 17 Accepted 1 6 Rejected 31 11

Passage 4 32 17 Accepted 0 3 Rejected 32 14

Passage 5 32 17 Accepted 4 4 Rejected 28 13

Passage 6 32 17 Accepted 17 13 Rejected 15 4

APPENDIX A

Questionnaire

Section 1:Please read each of the following scenarios about relationships and answer each question based on your own interpretation of the situation. *For these questions, monogamous will be defined as having a physical relationship (such as kissing or intercourse) with only one person at a time.

1. Marianne and Mark have been dating for six months. They consider their relationship to be good and potentially plan to remain together long- term. Although they had a mutual agreement to remain monogamous to one another, Mark slips up one night. He goes to see a movie with Jamie, a long time friend of his, and they end up kissing. After this happens, Mark feels horrible for deceiving Marianne. He apologizes and says that he will never do it again.

· If you were Marianne, would you stay in the relationship with Mark?

Yes No

2. John and Heather have been in a relationship for 4 and a half months. Since John really likes Heather, he plans to stay monogamous. Although Heather really likes John, she is not sure if she wants to be with only one person at this point in her life. She tells John that she will remain monogamous, but she meets up with Adam one night and kisses him. When John finds out, Heather apologizes and tells John that she does like him, but she is not sure that she can handle being monogamous. However, she tells John that she would like to remain in the relationship.

· If you were John, would you stay in the relationship with Heather?

Yes No

3. Rob and Mindy have been together for over one year and they really believe that they are in love. They have discussed marriage, but no serious plans have been agreed upon. So far, they have both been completely monogamous. By month 15, Mindy becomes restless and she decides to go on a date with one of the guys who she works with, Jared. She does not plan to become intimate with him, but after the date is over, she is invited back to her co-worker`s house. She agrees to go and before she really knows what she has done, she has sex with Jared. The next day, she confesses to Rob the mistake she has made and she lets him know that she is truly sorry for hurting him and she says that she will never do it again. She asks him not to leave her.

· If you were Rob, would you remain in the relationship with Mindy?

Yes No

4. Rebecca and Stephen have been in a relationship for two years and they both have seriously agreed to be monogamous. Both Stephen and Rebecca have cheated in the past, but not on each other. Stephen, easygoing as he is, meets a girl at the mall one day when he is shopping and they engage in some casual conversation. She tells him that her name is Carly and she offers him her phone number. He takes it with the intention to talk to her as a friend. One night, Carly wants to meet up with Stephen and have a few drinks. Stephen agrees, but tells Rebecca that he is going out with friends. Stephen has a good time with Carly, but he feels guilty for lying to Rebecca. His guilt, however, is evidently not consuming enough. Carly initiates sex and Stephen shows no signs of resistance. Later, when Rebecca finds out that that Stephen lied about where he was going and that he ended up having sex with someone, she is very upset. Stephen tells Rebecca how much he loves her and that it was an awful mistake and that he would never hurt her like that again. Rebecca does not know if she can trust Stephen.

· If you were Rebecca, would you remain in the relationship with Stephen?

Yes No

5. Selena and Scott have been together for over 3 years. Selena and Scott are monogamous. Although she has been faithful for 2 and a half years, Selena has cheated on Scott before. After she did it, she felt worse for it that anything she had ever done. Scott truly loves Selena and he knows that she loves him too, so he stayed with her despite his fear. Lately, Selena and Scott have been talking about marriage very frequently. Selena begins to feel smothered. She goes out one night and has sex with someone that she just met. After she realizes what she has done, she is confused and upset. She tells Scott what she did and she explains that she really did not mean to do it because she loves him very much. She begs Scott to give her one more chance.

· If you were Scott, would you remain in the relationship with Selena?

Yes No

6. Joseph and Ann have been together for almost 5 years. They have had their share of ups and downs, but have always worked it out. In this relationship, they have had problems with fidelity in the past, but since they want to stay together they have agreed to forgive one another and move on. Since then, they have been completely monogamous and very happy with one another. They even plan to get married some day. Just before they reach the five-year mark, things between them get a little rough. They both reach a time of considerable stress in their lives and have trouble overcoming it. They frequently take it out on one another. Although they love one another very much, they drift apart and it becomes hard to work things out. Joseph and Ann decide to take it easy for a while. Even though they are technically apart, they still talk and continue their physical relationship. Conditions between them immediately improve and they get back together within two months. Once they are back together, things are going better than ever before. Ann and Joseph are very happy, but Ann soon finds out that Joseph had sex with someone while they were not together, even though Joseph and Ann still agreed to not sleep with other people. Joseph feels miserable for what he did to Ann and does not know how to let her know that it was a mistake and that it did not mean anything to him. He loves her and says that he will never do it again. Joseph even tells Ann that he really wants to be with her and only her for the rest of his life.

Section 2:Please answer the following questions. *For these questions, cheating will be defined as committing physical acts such as kissing or sex with someone when you have made an agreement to be monogamous to someone else.

1. What is your gender? Male Female

2. Have you ever cheated on someone? ....Yes No

3. If you answered "Yes" to Question 2, was the relationship ended for that reason?. .Yes No

4. Has someone ever cheated on you? .. Yes No

5. If you answered "Yes" to Question 4, was the relationship ended for that reason? ..Yes No