Why Mario's Retirement from Plumbing Is a Win for Us All

Mario is no longer a plumber and the folks at Fox & Friends have a theory as to why. The internet went into full panic mode after it was revealed that the beloved Nintendo figurehead with the red cap and bowling pin body has abandoned his humble beginnings for a life of leisure.

Mario’s newly updated profile on Nintendo’s website, which was first spotted by Kotaku, goes as follows: “All around sporty, whether it’s tennis or baseball, soccer or car racing, [Mario] does everything cool. As a matter of fact, he also seems to have worked as a plumber a long time ago…”

There’s a variety of reasons why the Japanese video game giant might have decided that it was time for its most popular character to hang up his wrench once and for all. Maybe he wanted to take advantage of the share economy and become a fulltime Airbnb host? Or, maybe he’s just tired of fixing Princess Peach’s toilet and not getting so much as a kiss for his efforts?

According to Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy, the reasoning behind Mario’s new identity could be far more sinister. “Why would they make the—is it a political [move]?” he asked. “Is it a PC thing that they’ve decided?”

Uh, no. Clearly Doocy hasn’t heard of a little thing called “upward mobility.” Mario has been earning that Mario Kart cheddar for well over a decade now. In fact, other than 1985’s Super Mario Bros., no Mario game has sold more copies than Mario Kart Wii. The current generation of gamers identifies the character by his athletic exploits rather than his subterranean ones. Kumail Nanjiani said it best:

Mario is not a plumber anymore? Wtf? What about all the heavily-plumbing-based gameplay?

Rather than lament Mario’s evolution from his blue-collar beginnings, we should celebrate it. The reason we fell in love with his persona in the first place was because he was so identifiable; the cherubic, mustachioed everyman with a heart of gold. Our culture conditions us to want and expect our heroes to look like Dwayne Johnson and Angelina Jolie, but Mario flew in the face of that convention—he was one of us. So instead of weeping over his newfound status as a sports god, let’s welcome it it. This is one for the good guys.