My FI called me a "big girl" last night and I just can't get over it!!!

Last night my fiance and I were talking about the number on the scale versus your actual body measurements, how they don’t always move when you want them to etc. We were talking about the weight on the scale and he siad “well, you’re a big girl so you are never going to actually weigh a smaller number” WTF!!!!! Since when is 5′ 7″ at a size 8 a “big girl”? and even if it was…what kind of fool would acually say it out loud? I usually don’t respond to my anger right away but I proceeded to tell him that it was the meanest thing he ever said to me and then I promptly broke out in tears and basically cried all night. It is the next day and I am stil mad and feel like telling him off.

I can generally describe him as the most wonderful man I have ever met and we have a wonderful realtionship. I even feel bad for being so angry about it but that still doesn’t change my feelings. I feel like telling him that from now on I don’t care what he thinks about the way I look so he should just keep he opinions to himself!! I don’t want him looking at me or even talking to me. Damn it!! Why did he have to say such a stupid thing and how can I erase it from my memory?? I feel like an immature, emotional cry baby but I’m still pissed off!! Please help 🙁

Are you, perhaps, married to my husband? Seriously. That is totally something my husband would say. And I would look at him and say “Excuse me?!?” and tell him that was horribly inappropriate and would be pissy with him for a bit. Then I’d get over it. Because I know that while he says stupid things, he loves me and thinks I’m hot, so it’s not worth holding a grudge. But seriously dude! Not cool!

I’m sure he didn’t mean it the way you are taking it. 5’7 size 8 sounds like a perfectly normal size to me… in his mind he was probabaly thinking you’re not a small/short tiny build so you wont be some small weight, and it just came out wrong. I mean, at 5’7, you’re certainly not petite for a woman… that doesnt mean I’d call you big, but if things are just black and white to him, he probably just meant you’re not a tiny woman, but it just came out as you’re big.

He constantly compliments me and he was not even trying to dis me in any way but shit…how stupid! He says he meant I’m a tall girl…anyway…he really is very nice. How can I try not crucify him for this one slip up and unfortunate choice of words?

I think he may have just meant you are a big girl as in you are tall. Taller girls weigh more than short girls. I had to do a quick conversion as I’m Australian but you certainly seem in a healthy weight range. I think the fact you are so sensitive about this could be the real issue here, if my FI said something like that to me I’d probably laugh and playfully punch him on the arm. To dwell on a thoughtless comment for so long is unhealthy. You’ve said you’ve already told him off, what did he say? Did he just give you a frightened/shocked/sheepish look? If so, he probably didn’t mean it to sound as it came off, he’s with you so he thinks your gorgeous so I would just tell him how it sounded if you haven’t already and then let it go. Perhaps focus on doing some little things to make you feel beautiful?

Yes…it came out wrong and he didn’t mean anything by it. He has apologized profusley but I am still feeling weepy about it. Can’t I take some sort of pill or something or just whack him over the head with the frying pan to make myself feel better? LOL

Eh, I mean my FI told me I have tree-trunk thighs once. I was mortified, pissed, upset…and now I’m over it. You, in time, will be too. Men can say some pretty insensitive things, and as long as he apologized, you should move on.

cuppeeecakes: Yeah, that kind of sounds like my guy. When dudes talk about sizes like that, they usually don’t mean it with a negative connotation like we normally do. He was just being a blockhead, I’m sure he wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings. How did he react when you told him off?

Right in the middle of a pre-wedding makeover and some of the treatments are not producing the desired results so I am feeling extra sensitive. One facial triggered a horrible rosacea flare up and another accident with acrylic nails LOL comedy of errors. But no…not a good time to call me a “big girl”!!

When I told him off he was so sorry and I could see in his face he was upset. Good! I thought for a moment and then I thought I do not want to cause him to look so unhappy and thought “shit…now what”? Can’t I just slap him really hard one time to even the score?? Hahahaha jk

Oh men. I’m sure he just meant that you were tall and not a tiny diminutive thing.

My husband is the sweetest man alive, and I’ve heard him tell a female friend that she had “mankles” (as in man ankels – he thought this was a compliment?!? – strong ankles to propel her on lots of activities!) and another that she looked haggard (he was trying to express concern that she seemed/looked tired – wrong word choice, buddy).

So yeah. That stuff happens. As long as he realizes he did the wrong thing and will remember not to use sensitive language like that in the future, it’s really on you to forgive him and move on… Just think about his poor sad little face and realize he really didn’t mean it.

nessdawwg: Yes, not like me to be so sensitive but it’s almost like some crazy taperecorder playing it over and over lol. I can even see that I should get over it but easier said than done in this case. I will work on it