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Fashion 5-0: Muffin, Anyone?

Pears

One thing that you have to know about this fruit is that I'm no "fashionista". In fact, I kinda cringe whenever I hear some people go around and proclaim themselves as so. What I am though, is a sensible person who knows when to keep fighting the good fight while getting into those anorexic ultra-skinny pair of jeans and when to back down because this Shamu has had one too many glazed-everything food.

image via wikipedia

The key to looking great in clothes is not how you pair it up or what you accessorize it with. It is in fact, all about the FIT. If the clothes don't fit you right, it doesn't matter if you've got the latest *insert tongue-twisting high fashion label that leaves you with an instant speech impediment* because I guarantee you, you may feel like a million bucks but just don't ask me how you look in it.

So I'm going to do you a favor and be your friend, a friend who tells you the hard-hitting truth about fashion mishaps that you would not want to be caught dead in such as...

The Camel Toe...if you have no clue on what a camel toe is, I will give you a mild version of the description. A camel toe is like an inverted wedgie. Instead of having a wedgie in the back, you have it in the front. Basically, a camel toe is formed when a woman wears super tight clothing, too tight that they don't leave any room for the little friend down there to breathe and it forms creases that resemble a camel's forefoot. Trust me, it's as awkward typing about this as you are reading about it. Ladies, please know the difference between fitted and suffocatingly tight. I know you might be wondering on how I got to know about this "expression"..let's just say this is what I get for hanging out too much with guys.

via flickriver.com

The Muffin Top... a muffin top is a result of the bottom (pants,shorts,skirt) being worn too tight around the waist, pretty much forcing your love handles to come out and high-five everyone you meet like there's no tomorrow. There are two things that you can do to solve this problem. Either you a) realize that you need to end your love affair with the buffet b) get a bigger size 'coz hunny, you've gained weight and that ain't your size anymore. Simple as that.

Source: NCI, Renee Comet

The Peek-a-boo Underwear... Mmmk. I know this has nothing to do with how your clothes fit but I'm just going to put it out there anyway....You know a thong does have a purpose other than luring in unwanted pervs right? A thong is supposed to rid you off of the granny panty lines embossed on your clothing, especially while wearing delicate fabrics. The purpose is to HIDE not SHOW. If it is doing the latter, then you better bring your portable dancing pole because you're going to need it. Dollah dollah bills!

Looks like you might have a little competition...

via igossip.com

The Mop... The mop is the opposite of high-water pants or as they call in the Philippines, "baha" (flood) pants. I initially thought of the mop reference when I started noticing some people wearing their trousers too long that they end up dragging on the ground... thus, like mopping the floor. The extra length is a little more forgivable if you're wearing denim since it is more of a casual look and you can always fold them up to make a cuff. But wearing dress trousers or suit pants that are too long is never okay.

Quick tip: Always wear the right heels when bringing your trousers to the tailor. If you don't, you might risk having the trousers hemmed too long or too short. The appropriate length should stop around mid-heel.

St. John Collection via neimanmarcus.com

For the dudes: The best and safest length that you can go with is a medium break, (a break is that dent or fold you visibly see right where your pants rest on the shoe). You can also have the trousers with no break at all, but that is kind of tricky since you have to make sure that your ankles are not completely exposed and this length is mostly used for a high-fashion look.

Medium break...

Giorgio Armani via neimanmarcus.com

No Break/ Short Break...

John Varvatos via neimanmarcus.com

I know fashion gets a little bit confusing at times, especially with trends fleeting at a drop of a hat but it's always good to be aware of the basic rules and like what I always say, it doesn't hurt to use common sense!