Retired Teacher Implicated in International Schemes

Retired LISD High School English teacher Marvin Kaczynski is currently under investigation by the FBI for aiding and abetting international criminals. According to reports, Kaczynski was given a second hand laptop computer by his students as a retirement gift. Kaczynski, who has always refused to use technology, was overjoyed by their generosity, and stated he would finally have time to enter the information age during his golden years.

After setting up his new computer, Kaczynski was shocked, and not at all prepared for the blatant disregard for grammar in e-mail communications. He instinctively began editing and grading every message received, including SPAM. Replying to each message with edits, comments and a letter grade, he caught the attention of international crime syndicates based in Russia, Nigeria and Columbia as well as FBI investigators. “By editing their fraudulent messages, he was aiding and abetting perpetrators worldwide,” said Special Agent Jon Friday. “We were questioning Mr. Kaczynski at his home when a large gift basket arrived from the widow of a former Nigerian Oil Minister.”