A Mothers Lament

Part of my recent emotional turmoil was the first day of my daughter going to kindergarten. Personally I don't like the idea of home schooling. My daughter is a very social girl and there are so many things a child can miss out on not being a part of organised education. Of course there are the bad sides of schools but personally I feel it benefits everyone to learn cope with these pressures, helping them to become a well rounded human. I cant imagine locking a child away and not exposing them to the wider world and social experiences. Regardless of my views on education the day loomed over me in a way I had not expected.

The day came ... I had uniforms washed - bags packed and a little girl itching to experience her first day. I tried to tell myself that it was the same as her attending child care - no big deal - but the moment that uniform went on I lost it. She was so big - so grown up - my baby was lost - I cried {alot). She was fine of course and two weeks later she is still bouncing to get there every morning.

I always told myself I would never "waste" my life raising children {a statement that can only be thought by a childless person}..... that I would never have one child attending school while having a toddler at home. Yet here I am - no second baby insight and my one and only at school. Mostly the baby making thing was taken out of my hands when my husband got cancer three years ago and had to go through treatment. With that major part of our life currently in the clear and if we were blessed with another baby I know it wouldn't bother me having one in school and one at home. I am really enjoying being at home - doing my bits and pieces - work here and there - when I want and which jobs I want - not locked into anything permanent. My views on family are changing. I now know why people have their own families as the friend thing gets difficult as you get older.

With the little girl in school I suddenly have something back I have not counted on - time to myself. House work is completed quickly and there is actual full hours of time to spend in the women cave. The first two weeks I sewed like mad - I made three dresses to sell and three dresses for myself. With that done I did something last night I had not done since I can't remember when - I drew. It didn't feel natural - nor was it a successful work of art - but perhaps - just perhaps I could become an artist again.