Tony Stewart is a Riverboat Gambler

If you didn't watch any part of the NASCAR race in Kansas City yesterday, congratulations: you obviously didn't have the 49ers-Chiefs or Browns-Raiders as the only football game on during either half of the afternoon. But in watching the hot football action yesterday, you may have missed a pretty sweet finish to the Banquet 400: Tony Stewart ran out of gas on the final lap but coasted on momentum to drift across the finish line first.

Jeff Burton finished fifth and extended his points lead in the Chase from 6 before the race (ahead of Jeff Gordon) to 69 (ahead of Denny Hamlin). But who cares about the Chase anyway? What matters is that Tony Stewart won. The more attention on Tony Stewart, the better, I say. I like him because he's not afraid to be an asshole to other drivers, and he always says he's too old and fat to do things like climb the fence after winning a race.

He really is awesome. America needs more old, fat sports heroes. Because I don't know about you, but David Wells just doesn't do it for me any more.