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Big Family Debate.

So today I was a little taken back and thankful, I was going to satisfy my need to explain what happened via a Facebook status, but I felt that wouldn’t cut it.

So here I am telling a rather short story in probably a long way.

I just can’t help it.

It’s how I do things.

Probably learnt that from my dad. You’d ask him a simple question and two hours later you’re still listening wondering if he’s actually answered it or if it’s still on its way…

Anyway……

What happened?

I took all my kiddies shopping. That’s what happened. While at the checkout the youngish checkout chick actually spoke to my kids, as the individuals that they are. She asked them their names and ages while actually making eye contact with them. She commented on their specific personalities and their manners and on their big blue eyes.

Sounds simple enough?

Well yes, if you have 2, maybe 3 kids. Most of the time people vaguely glance over my children, more like counting heads and make comments like ‘you’re crazy’ or ‘you’re silly.’

I normally laugh, make a joke out of it and shrug it off.

I get asked things like ‘do you have a television?’ ‘Do you hate sleeping?’ And yes one person has even had the guts to ask ‘are you religious and have no choice?’

This pretty young lady recognised that my children are individual people who actually matter and appreciated them one by one. She told me I was ‘lucky to have 5 kids’ and that someday she’d like a ‘whole bunch’ too.

It’s not very often that people are positive about our big family at all and sometimes I don’t know why. I don’t get why it would matter, or affect the life of some random person we will probably never see again. Sometimes I do, one lady a couple of weeks ago, looked me up and down and said ‘bet you regret that.’ While looking sideways at my kids.

Mind you her 2 were screaming, one on the floor, the other raiding shelves.

Mine (right on que) were being wonderful. 2 in the trolley giggling away, one on either side of the trolley holding it liked I’d asked and Bella handing me things I’d asked her to pick up.

So I kinda get that. I apologise to you random lady that your having a bit of a hard time but please don’t judge my kids based on your own.

I know everyone is entitled to an opinion and most are based on personal experience, but I just wanted to clear up that my personal experience has been great.

I don’t feel like my children are ‘hard work’ or a ‘hand full’ ok, yes they can be, I know a fulltime job in a cafe would surely be a tad easier but I also know for a fact that this is the most rewarding thing I will ever have done in my life.

I’m choosing to do this, it wasn’t forced upon me.

I LIKE it.

(honest.)

I wonder what it is about big families that freak people out.

I wonder why others need to try to bring down people who are enjoying something and make it feel like it’s ‘wrong’ or ‘not normal.’

A lot of people seem to think it’s ok to say how they feel about my family without any thought to how I may feel about what they’re saying.

I mean my kids to me…. are each very unique, no two are the same. They’re all total individuals regardless of their age or sex.

They are each an equally important part of me, none more, none less.

A big family is not really something I’d ever thought about but now that I have one,…. no that is wrong. Now that I am a PART of one I am so very thankful.

And while I know it isn’t for everyone, it is totally for me. So perhaps next time you see a mum with a ‘bunch of kids’ maybe you should try not to stare, not to make negative comments, not to assume things.

Perhaps, just maybe she actually likes kids, she doesn’t need to have ‘reasons.’ Or any that should concern you I guess. (Unless of course you’d like to offer her your babysitting skills…)

I just can’t wrap my head around it. I see kids, everyone’s kids as little original people. Not to be ignored or to be treated as accessories.

They’re mini adults.

They also deserve respect and a tinsy bit of dignity.

I’d hate for my kids to hear these adults saying negative things to me about my kids, as they stand right there with me as if they don’t exist.

It’s almost as if some people think children are an unavoidable disease!!!

I adore my family. Each one of them. They’re all different. They’re all a part of me.

If you don’t like it, or agree that is completely fine with me.

But you don’t need to tell me about it.

On the other hand, thank you random shop lady for having the time to make my kids feel like the wonderful individuals that I know they are.

You miss, will make a fine big family mum one day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So what do you think it is with big families? Are you a part of one?

Let me know your thoughts or experiences.

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9 thoughts on “Big Family Debate.”

I am part of one and most of the time enjoyed growing up in one, I probably like it more now I am an adult and we get together with our own families as it makes family gatherings that much more fun. I remember it being more fun on xmas and birthdays. We didn’t get everything our friends did, but I think we got as much being in a big family (if not we got more) than being from a small family. I personally can’t have a big family due to health problems during pregnancies, but I managed to get the family I have and I believe in making the most of what you have in life than worrying about what you don’t have.

Oh and I don’t know what it is- it’s like people see a large family coming and assume that the kids are going to be out of control because there’s “too many of them”, but it’s a whole thing of judging books by covers. I agree children deserve respect as they learn mannerisms off adults – you disrespect them then you will end up with a disrespectful child.

I agree! Kids do learn from adults and it is hard to fliter what they can and can’t hear from perfect strangers who don’t treat them as such. I’m the eldest of 5 but grew up as one of 3 as my little brother and sister are only 11 and 9. But even so I loved having siblings and we always had lots of cousins around too. We never had everything either and I now realise as an adult that I’m actually glad I didn’t. At the time I probably thought I was hard done by lol but as an adult I’m not materialistic and don’t feel I need to have fancy things to make me happy, I know that family makes me feel so rich and I just hope it is just one of the things my kids can pick up from me along the way. 😀 xox Thanks for your comment.

I find even with 3, people look at them all and then at me and make comments such as ‘you’re busy aren’t you?’ I don’t think my 3 are as much work as some people’s 1 😉 but I’ll admit, yes it is a little extra work. That little extra work though is by far outweighed by the extra rewards, and I’d love nothing more than another 1. I think people’s comments are just a reflection of their experiences, some people these days are just more selfish with their time.

Yeah I know what you mean! Even my own dad who, to be honest, hasn’t spent a day in his life ‘raising kids’ says things like that ‘you look busy, thats a lot of work’…But he usually sees the ‘easy’ stuff! lol And yes it does depend on the child’s personality too.
In my own experience I’d say once you have a certain amount of ‘work’ on your hands kids wise…one doesn’t add great amounts to that at all. Just more love 😀

I grew up with 6 siblings, we’re not all friends today. Seven different individuals, different generations, who had the same parents but they parented each child differently, the best way they knew how.

I am a mom of an only child, and have had people judge me as to why. A neighbor (male), who has 5 children, once told me I must have done something terrible in my past that God would only give me 1 child! (Can you believe that!) (I replied – Why? Jesus was an only child!)

So the amount of children anyone has is not another person’s business, unless you are asked to help raise them or support them financially, they don’t affect anyone but the family they are a part of.

It’s wonderful you have 5 children, you love them, and are able to care for them. I wish there was a reply that could put people in their place when they offer their unsolicited opinion.

Thanks for your words Donna. And I agree it doesn’t ever matter what anyone ever does or says there will always be someone who doesn’t like it. I just felt it would be nice to have the negatives outweighed by the positives but most times I’ve found it to be the opposite.
It’s funny that you say you’ve come from a big family and now only have one (not that part) but my eldest says she isn’t having ANY kids so she can ‘do what she wants, when she wants.’ Here I was thinking I’d end up with heaps of grandkids…perhaps not 😉
I am sorry that your neighbour would say something like that to you, It amazes me sometimes what people think is ok to to say.
Thanks again Donna for your story, I enjoyed reading it, Take care 🙂

Funny of the 7 siblings I’m part of – 4 have 1 child; 2 have more than 1; and 1 has none. If we get grands our daughter wants at least 2, no only child if she can help it! I guess you always wonder how the green grass feels on the other side!?

I am not a blog reader/follower yet browsing on-line while trying to stay awake (4 of my 11 are sick tonight) I found this site. I love this post. I had a girl tell me years ago that she admired my family (expecting #7 at the time) and that she wanted 10 kids at least. She showed more maturity than many of the “mature” adults I come into contact with who openly stare or make horribly rude remarks about our family size, usually in front of our kids! What gets me is that I wouldn’t dream of commenting on someone’s choice to have a small family yet that courtesy does not go both ways. Thankfully, my children know that they are a treasure and a blessing; that knowledge helps when they find themselves the focus of disdain and displeasure from complete strangers.

Yager

Married with 5 children should say it all; The insides of my head and heart are splattered all over this blog! This isn't your typical mummy blog. Sometimes I say too much, sometimes not enough. The cake on my face says it all. I think honesty is the best quality someone can have. I think happiness is the best choice someone can make.
email me: yagerbabies@gmail.com