Health & Safety Breakthrough

Following the example of Bangladesh the British Government is setting out it's programme to cut out regulation and red tape.

David Cameron announced his proposals to outdo UKIP at the local elections. Senior Tories think he is onto a huge vote winner.He told a packed press conference of Daily Mail reporters that he was inspired by news from Bangladesh where no red tape or regulations mar economic enterprise.

'It is so cheap to get things from Bangladesh because they don't have Unions to blackmail employers and stupid regulations over buildings and factory conditions. We need to think of a time when Britain was Great and return to the days when people knew their place.'

A further suggestion that the national anthem should be replaced by the Eton Boating Song is now being taken to a number of Think Tanks and the Queen has been formally advised that more Royals should be going to Eton not '2nd class schools'.

Opinion polls are already showing a swing back to the Tories from UKIP. 'These lower middle class rejects from UKIP' said Tory Treasury Noel Taxes 'are heading for disaster.'

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