Somewhere on the Daily Star's website, tucked between the sections entitled Bikini Babes, Celeb Babes, Sport Babes and Retro Babes, there is story about Roy Hodgson, whose appeal apparently makes him beyond such pigeonholing. The Mill can see how he could squeeze into three of those categories and admits that it probably wouldn't be able to resist reading about any bid he might make to fill all four. It would certainly be a darn sight more interesting than reading yet more guff about the England manager's encounter with some gits on the Tube, who after Hodgson graciously deigned to answer their inquiries rather than get all haughty, found that they repaid his civility by scurrying to the Fleet Street to slag him off for not fobbing them off. Yes, for such a seemingly worldly wise man, Hodgson was staggeringly naive to trust in the basic decency of Joe Public, who, alas, can often be as big a swine as Joe Press. It's a wonderful world.

Still, at least we've got Joe Hart, who ever since Wednesday is the best goalkeeper in the world again! Doubts were raised when his dubious reactions helped Real Madrid to victory in Manchester City's first Champions League match of the season, but form is temporary and fickleness is permanent so his display against Dortmund means he's master of the universe again. Which is why Genoa's 19-year-old goalkeeper Mattia Perin should be honoured to find himself the subject of speculation linking him with a move to City, where he can bask in the great man's magnificence on a daily basis for the next two decades or so.

Javier Hernández won't be basking in Sir Alex Ferguson's magnificence for much longer, apparently, but only because he could be off to bask in José Mourinho's Specialness! Ferguson is planning to offer the Mexican to Real Madrid in a bid to get his hands on one of several Madrista that Mourinho wouldn't mind seeing the back of, such as Raúl Albiol, Raphaël Varane or, most intriguingly, Kaká. Ferguson may even hold out for Nuri Sahin, a move that would hold the twin joys of repairing the void in United's central midfield and throwing Liverpool into a hot funk.

Juventus, meanwhile are getting themselves in a hot lather about the prospect of strengthening their attacking arsenal at the expense of Arsenal: those Theo Walcott to Italy rumours are gathering momentum. And if he goes there, the nice young man from England will try to aim his crosses towards Didier Drogba, who is set to make that easier by moving from China to play alongside Walcott at Juve. Mind you …

Finally, word is Medusa has glared at Jonas Olsson, who, as a result, won't be moving any time soon. There was talk of him hotfooting it to Swansea or Spurs but now he's decided he might as well sign up to spend the rest of his days at WBA.