Baby Woolly Mammoth ‘a bit rubbish’ complain scientists

‘Once we thawed it out, we realised it was just a hairy elephant,’ said researcher Daniel Fisher. ‘It’s a major disappointment.’

The 40,000-year-old baby mammoth, named Lyuba, was discovered in Siberia and was said to be a perfect specimen. ‘It might be perfect,’ moaned Alexei Tikhonov of the Russian Zoological Institute, ‘but all it does is just lie there on the table. We tried prodding it but nothing happened.’

‘We’d hoped it might help us understand what caused Ice Age mammals to die out, said Dr Fisher, ‘but we couldn’t be bothered.’

A tour of museums has been abandoned after an incident involving a bored palaeontologist. ‘I pulled on its trunk to see if it would do anything,’ he said, ‘but it just snapped off in my hand.’

Asked what had happened to Lyuba, Mr Tikhonov said, ‘I dunno; probably been thrown out in the trash with that old half-human half-ape missing link thing.’