Righto. This is a great meal for a hungry hungry man and can often feed a lady as some kind of aside.

Ideally use some great wine, a splendid array of mushroons and blah blah blah. Doesn't seem to make much difference in my opinion. So

Bacon & onions.

Get Big Pot. If you can spring for a Le Creuset cast iron pot (on specials they are normally done around 1 - 2 hundred bucks I think) or similar it looks cool and will let you serve from the table if feeding more than 2 or trying to impress the second person by going all rustic and 70's.

Say 5 or 6 rashers of bacon and 2 medium onions, slice 'em up and fry 'em in big pot. Not harsh now, take it easy, you want the fat from the bacon to make it all go easy, no burning or sticking if possible. Say 10 minutes on low-medium.

While this occurs take your kilo of chuck steak (ask the butcher for it in a single piece, you'll normally end up with a kilo and a half, this is not a problem) and trim the fat, what you are after is removing all the big chunks of fat, try and leave the membrane on the muscle and small elements of fat scattered around, these make the sauce tasty.

Chop trimmed chuck steak into bite size pieces. Get an old shopping bag and chuck a cup of flour in there, a small palmful of salt and as much pepper as you like, I go for lots, almost as much as the salt, sometime more, grinding pepper is hard. Throw chuck steak bite size pieces on top of seasoned flour (see you get to use fancy words for flour and salt in a shopping bag, man the french are cool).

Shake it about a bit.

Onions and bacon ought to be done now. Remove them to the upturned lid of the big ass pot (saves washing).

Turn heat up to high on big ass pot. Fry the chunks of steak in smallish amounts. Trick here is too not put so many that the juices come out rabidly (that is stewing the meat and you are never going to repair that problem - it'll still be good but not good enough to make again if it is your first time). Going to far the other way ends up in the oils & flour burning, also not good.

See you are putting bits of meat in with the flour, now you aren't puring all the flour in but some comes with the meat, I tend to just grab a double handful of meat and shake it, removes the meat and is about the right amount for the frying.

So batch after tedious batch with the flour crusting up in the bottom the whole time, don't worry that is good. You are going to have to add more oil during this process because the flour sucks it up, no recipe seems to mention this. Now one does.

So you fry each batch aiming towards the sear on the outside (burned outside and raw inside is perfect) and chuck them in with the onions and bacon as you go along.

Now grab some brandy, this can be pretty cheap crap. Have a quick swill to check it hasn't gone off. Get a wooden spoon. Chuck the onions, bacon and meat into the pot. The blood from the meat will start the deglaze process. With the wooden spoon try and stir up the crusty flour from the bottom of the big old pot.

You will fail but some work will be achieved.

Pour some brandy in, maybe 2 or 3 shots worth, fortify yourself with one: this next bit leads to burns when you bugger it up, chuck a match and stand back. Well that is what the recipes normally say, f*ck that. Get in there with your spoon and stir that brandy into the flour even as it burns.

Don't sniff the hairs on your arms that have just incinerated, it ruins the brandy.

Grab a bottle of red wine. Something fairly nice, lets say nothing less than $10 and preferably of a grenache / shiraz varietal (because I like drinking them). Pour half of the bottle in but slowly.

This bit is really really important. You need to get all that cruddy flour and mix it with the wine. So you pour a bit of wine and stir very localised to get the flour off the bottom of the pot, You'll know when you are done as the pot bottom will suddenyl be clean and slippery.

Move to the next bit of the pot with a bit more wine. Continue til you are done. If you don't get the vast majority back into solution you'll get burning later probably.

So now you have a bunch of beef floating in half a bottle of wine, there are some onions and bacon there too. Ideally there will be no beef sticking out of the liquid. If it is add more wine or choose a better fitting pot.

Drop the temp to as low as it can go.

Whack in a bunch of fresh herbs tied with string, when I say a bunch I mean a f*cking wildman buch, don't be pissing around with those gentile 2 bits of parsley and a bay leaf. I say half a bunch of euro parsly, a good handful of fresh thyme, same amount of sage, got some celery? chuck 2 ribs in there. Couple sage leaves are good too. You know this is a boquet garni that people would mistake for a bunch of flowers (I did this once when a friend was in hospital hehehe).

Let it simmer for a while, maybe an hour or so. You can screw around with wax paper circles on top and all other nonsense. I just turn the temp to the lowest I can and leave the lid on whilst I examine the quality of the other half of the bottle of red.

Throw in some mushrooms. I figure about half the weight of mushrooms to beef is a reasonable type of target, you may like mushrooms more or less than me. I just use button mushroom because I like having whole mushroom floating in there. Sometimes I do the whole dried porcini thing. Haven't really noticed it to be worth it. It is a little better. Soak a packet dried porcini in boiling water. Pout it all in, if the shrooms are particularly big chop them first.

Let it simmer for another good long time. Pull out a bit of chuck ever once in a while. When it is good and tender serve it.

-Or-

Grab a couple spoons flour and mush a spoon of butter into it. Then work some juice from the dish into it. Aiming for a thick smooth paste here. When done add more sauce until you have a fairly think smooth thing.

Pour it into the pot and stir it through, let it cook out a bit, you ought to have a nice thick reddish sauce.

Serve with mash potatoes. Now there I have a recipe as well, in the meantime just eat the nasty mashed potatoes that you currently make.

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I dont cook much in the way of dinner, working late and all that but I love desserts!

Anyway pavlova recipe which I upgraded about 12 months ago from just sugar egg whites and a dash of viniger and vanilla essence my old recipe, after reading a recipe on taste.com.au I should add that the old recipe was pretty good anyway. The other thing if you muck pav up it is pretty forgiving, dont add enough sugar and you can just taste the egg flavour which is a bit rough but still OK for me, and I am talking you have to put about half the amount in before it starts to taste a bit eggy. Otherwise you cannot go wrong.

beat 4 eggwhites and 1/2 spoonfull of cream of tarter and beat till peaks form. The more you beat it the more it will be a giant marshmallow rather than a pav.

add 1/2 a cup of caster sugar and fold in, then give it a quick beat.

Add 2 teaspoons of corn flour and beat in brifly.

Fold in 1/2 teaspoon of vannila and 1/2 teaspoon of vinegar.

Shape the pavlova how you like spooning it onto a baking tray. Prepare the tray with lightly dusted baking paper. The taller you make the pav the more soft centre you get the shorter and wider the more crispy shell. I usually go for about 40mm tall.

Put the pavlova into a preheated oven to 200degrees if gas maybe 180degrees if electric. turn it down just before you put the pav in to 100 degrees. Unless of course you want it toasted....

turn oven off after an hour and leave pavlova in oven while oven cools. The taste.com recipe says to open the oven but if you leave the door closed the pav splits less and holds together better. i.e. leave the oven to cool for half an hour with the pav in it. Then open door and leave for another 15 minutes.

Top with whipped cream then fruit, I reckon its not a pavlova without passionfruit but otherwise each to their own. Banana is really good and you can use that in your cream to bulk it up if you are trying to eat healthy. yeh right!

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To counter Tor's extremely timeconsuming recipe, here's a quick one. It takes less than half an hour - 15 minutes if you're lazy and have bought pre-diced chicken and are using a packet of frozen diced veggies.

Apricot chicken. Very kid friendly.

Need: rice or pasta (whichever tickles your fancy)

Chicken. Two thigh fillets, cut into bits.

Onion, cut up.

Small tin of apricot nectar (if you see how big the big tins are you'll know what I mean)

Chicken stock powder

Garlic - about a clove, crushed. Any more and the more delicate people in the house start to complain.

Soy sauce

Any veggies you feel like adding - a diced carrot at minimum.

Plain flour.

Black pepper if you want.

Once you've got all your chicken and veggies chopped up, whack the rice or pasta on to cook.

Take a big frypan (I just use an electric frypan) and fry up your chicken, onion and veggies all together with a nice splash of oil. Once they start to cook a bit, stick in a nice splash of soy sauce and the garlic. When the chicken is closer to cooked, add the apricot nectar and a couple of spoonfuls of chicken stock powder. The sauce is going to bubble like crazy if you have the heat up so you'll have to keep stirring it so it doesn't stick. It'll be really runny - add flour by sprinkling it over the top about a teaspoon at a time until it is as thick as you want it. The long version of this recipe is baked for about an hour so you don't need to thicken it. The quick way, you do.

The chicken bit should be ready at almost exactly the same time as the rice or pasta is ready.

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Hey I resent that! I am an exceptionally lazy man and do not have favourite recipes which are time consuming!

The above is actually only about half an hours actual work. This may sound like a lot but it includes significant drinking windows.

For example "I gotta check the BB and give it a little stir, adjust the temperature etc, do you need a top up? No? well I am grabbing one anyway... are you sure you don't want some? Sure just a drop then". 4 seconds work and a new glass of wine _and_ you look like a great host.

Whilst this has been going on boil up some spaghetti, once cooked, if you want cheese on it take the spaghetti out of the bowl into a colander then whack it back in whilst the pot is hot and put some grated cheese in and stir like crazy.

Yummo!

Some people like to put a bay leaf in, I did that once and I didn't notice any difference so I don't bother. Also once I ate some spags bogs that had a bay leaf in it, I choked on the bay leaf and spewed all over my dinner. So be careful.

Whilst this has been going on boil up some spaghetti, once cooked, if you want cheese on it take the spaghetti out of the bowl into a colander then whack it back in whilst the pot is hot and put some grated cheese in and stir like crazy.

Yummo!

Some people like to put a bay leaf in, I did that once and I didn't notice any difference so I don't bother. Also once I ate some spags bogs that had a bay leaf in it, I choked on the bay leaf and spewed all over my dinner. So be careful.

I have never tried the bacon, will next time. Strange that I haven't, mostly I put bacon everywhere. (see attached picture where a drunken friend and I made pod racers for dinner, complete with bacon capes).

I tend to go for the pour half a bottle of red wine in at your garlic phase too.

I agree with the eating bay leaf concept, if you are using them tie a bit of string to them, makes them stand out so much no one ever eats them even if you forget to take them out.

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I'm more concerned that they are clearly in the shape of something starwarsy, and I can't remember the name of the creature in the background but I'd wager that's star wars too ...

Bantha!

They are from Star Wars IV (the first one).

The food is a tribute to the pod racers in the Phantom Menace (the third worst one) which had the bit int he same area and had banthas as well..

That is why we put sweet potato in the mash, to make a nice yellow desert base for the pod racers we were making. Yes we were quite spectacularly drunk even by our standards and yet somehow I carved a splendid looking fellow to ride my pod racer, not like my friend that handled his knife like a chainsaw. Even the bacon cape for his rider was clumsily executed. My bacon cape was a delight of form and function hehehehe

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I have never tried the bacon, will next time. Strange that I haven't, mostly I put bacon everywhere. (see attached picture where a drunken friend and I made pod racers for dinner, complete with bacon capes).

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Tor you should like this one as the time scales involved are practically geological and allow plenty of time for drinking.

Here goes:

The beef stock

1/ Get a few kilos of beef bones and roast them in the oven for 40 minutes until they caramelise - remove and add to a large stock pot

celery, carrot, onion chop roughly and add too the pot

Add a bouquet garni (thyme, rosemary sage and parsley -not too much rosemary as it is quite strong)

Add some (not much) dried porcini shrooms

a little dried mandarin peel

couple of garlic cloves

Cover all the ingredients in the pot and bring to the boil, turn down and let simmer for 6 hours stirring occasionally

If you start drinking at this point it is unlikely that you will make it to the end of the process (Unless you have special drinking powers)

After 6 hours strain the liquid a chuck everything else.

put the liquid back on the stove and reduce down to a few cups. If you want you can and further refine it by stirring egg whites and crushed egg shells and then strain the liquid further through muslin cloth.

This will yield a beef consomme. Alternately you can keep reducing the stock down to about one cup and you will have made portable soup. This will solidify completely and can then be frozen for later use (An old english navy recipe from the time of Nelson)

get a bottle of good red, some port (1/3 cup), a dash of brandy, pepper some more fresh herbs. add it to the reduced beef stock and reduce down further to about 1-1.5 cups. turn off the heat.

To complete the sauce you will add cold cubed butter to the reheated sauce and whisk it in just before serving.

Serve the sauce with eye fillet* wrapped in bacon (is there no dish that cannot be improved via the addition of bacon?) and fried on either a potato roesti or en croute (toast rubbed with garlic and olive oil) baked/roasted potatoes and fresh asparagus spears lightly steamed with a hollandaise sauce.

*for those with a large mortgage you can substitute fillet with sausages. Likewise margarine for butter and try and buy the best cast wine you can afford

Last for a couple of months in a big container in the fridge, plus family and friends appreciate whatever won't fit in the container.

Eat with natural set yoghurt and fruit. If a man gains access to your stash, convince him it tastes better spinkled over vitabrits with milk. Failing that, allow him to make it every fortnight or move him along.

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Why has this stuff got so trendy lately? (its amaranth actually, but close enough). I bought some seeds for it off a gardening website a few years back and at the time I'd never heard of it, but the description sounded interesting. Now, it seems to be everywhere. Must be good. Maybe I should be farming it in my spare quarter acre block that I've specifically barred those poor tenants from using.

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Why has this stuff got so trendy lately? (its amaranth actually, but close enough). I bought some seeds for it off a gardening website a few years back and at the time I'd never heard of it, but the description sounded interesting. Now, it seems to be everywhere. Must be good. Maybe I should be farming it in my spare quarter acre block that I've specifically barred those poor tenants from using.

It got a lot of writeups in the gourmet traveller type mags after a few chefs starting using it for their uniqueness (bugger being a good cook, instead just get a weird ingredient or technique). Once the magazines promote something you just know that the essential ingredient / simon johnson / david jones type of stockists will have it there at lovely mark ups.

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I have been buying amaranth from the supermarket for ~15 years. Started on it about the same time as spirulina. It was supposed to be really high in nutrients too but it doesn't seem to have much more than other grains. The only other time I've come across was in sickly sweet muesli bars in Peru.

What do trendy people do with it?

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I have been buying amaranth from the supermarket for ~15 years. Started on it about the same time as spirulina. It was supposed to be really high in nutrients too but it doesn't seem to have much more than other grains. The only other time I've come across was in sickly sweet muesli bars in Peru.

What do trendy people do with it?

In my opinion not much. It is right up there quinoa as a pretty boring grain unless you believe the super nutrient or are heavily into the exotic.

Not saying it is bad for food, just weird how these things happen. Actually just as a basic fact check I jumped on Wikipedia. Seems amaranth at least has been coming and going since the 70's, maybe it is only in the recent decade that I have been close enough to the fancy people to over hear what they are eating

A sample recipe showing just how versatile it is:

Title: Amaranth And Corn

Yield: 4

Ingredients

1 c amaranth; rinsed and drained

1/2 c fresh corn kernels

2 1/4 c spring or filtered water

1 pn sea salt

Instructions

Combine amaranth, corn, and water in a medium pan over medium heat and

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We're having pork roast tonight - its so simple there's no point posting the recipe (it runs something like high heat for first 1/2 hour, then lower for the rest). Roast veggies are pretty simple too, recipes for those abound online with very little variation. The cut of pork you get actually affects the result the most - we did a pork roast for christmas the year I was 9 and a bit months pregnant on christmas day. Pre-ordered a good cut, it was fantastic. And I got to waddle around doing not much for the entire day.

But I'd just like to say that it smells absolutely wonderful and I am starving and its not ready for half an hour yet

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We're having pork roast tonight - its so simple there's no point posting the recipe (it runs something like high heat for first 1/2 hour, then lower for the rest). Roast veggies are pretty simple too, recipes for those abound online with very little variation. The cut of pork you get actually affects the result the most - we did a pork roast for christmas the year I was 9 and a bit months pregnant on christmas day. Pre-ordered a good cut, it was fantastic. And I got to waddle around doing not much for the entire day.

But I'd just like to say that it smells absolutely wonderful and I am starving and its not ready for half an hour yet

NO NO NO.

YOU might think there is nothing to say but trust me roast pork can be done so badly and roast veges the same.

Good crackling is required.

Roast tatties must have the slightly burnt edge

Pumpkin can't be watery

Pork must be hot but not white

Sweet potato, ah screw it so long as it isn't hard it is fine for me, my brother likes it slightly burned.

Peas and Beans? server salted with butter or just straight from the pot?

HOW DO YOU MAKE YOUR GRAVY?

So many things... and you do them without thinking. We don't know your thoughts!

Are your veges in the pan with the pork? Do you have water under the pork with onions? do you preheat the veges pan with the pork and then throw bacon fat so it sizzles before adding the tatties? do you pre boil the tatties and shake them to rough up the edges? do you precook the pumkin salted to reduce water content?

Oh lord, a good roast is one of the hardest things to make well.

I think the french used to say that all the english can cook is a roast and anglaise. And they were saying that because the english did it better than the french could.

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Back in the days when Vogel bread was exotic my mum used to make these and we are still making them today. Substitute any grain bread.

Slice tasty cheese and put on bread. Top with sliced tomato pieces. Sprinkle with garlic salt (the special ingredient). Add some small pieces of chopped bacon and some sliced stuffed olives. Mill some pepper over the top. Bake in oven 20 mins. Delicious. Can prepare ahead.

Jamie's burrito wedges

Take a big pkt of grated tasty cheese. Mix in one large bunch chopped coriander and one large bunch chopped spring onion. Finely chop 3 (or to taste) small red chillis and mix through. Spray oil on frying pan and add one burrito, top with a generous serve of the cheese mixture and spread out. Put another burrito on top. Fry not too fast so the cheese melts and you can turn over. Once brown on both sides take out and slice into wedges. Don't use vintage cheese it melts too watery. Guaranteed to please even those who say they don't like coriander. Fantastic with a Margarita (with lime juice not that mixer crap).

Not very precise curry to use up a prolific crop of tomatoes and silverbeet in the summer garden.

Fry one large onion and a couple of garlic cloves with some oil in a soup pot. Add 2/3 jar Madras or Rogan Josh mix (Pataks or Sharwoods) - these are actually quite good and easy. Fry slowly for 10 minutes to release flavours. Add oil if needed. Fry 1 kilo chopped meat (beef for Madras or lamb for Rogan Josh). Any cut that requires long cooking will do. Add couple of cups of water and a kilo or so of tomatoes from the garden. Add a teaspoon of salt. Bring to boil and simmer for 1 1/2 hours. Add in a cup of red lentils and a big bunch of chopped washed silver beet from the garden. Bring back to the boil and simmer for a further half hour and then add one can of coconut milk (just to soften the tomato effect). Bring to boil again and it's done. I let it cool on the stove for a couple of hours to allow the flavours to develop and then divide up into plastic containers for the freezer. It's a great way to use up some of that extra produce and makes a lot of tasty, nutritious meals that you can just pull out of the freezer.

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We must be getting good at roasts, haven't had a bad one for years. The housewench makes roasts that surpass all others we've had at other people's houses. I'm spoilt. This one tonight was particularly good. Forequarter roast. Crackling wasn't the best this time but it was still pretty nice, I don't think my housewench put enough salt on it. Potatoes, boiled for 10 minutes first, in the pan with the pork. Sweet potato in another pan. No gravy - just applesauce, although we use commercial gravy mix with lamb roasts, with some pan juices thrown in. The pork was just falling apart in places. Veeeeeeeeeeeeery nice.

We grew sugar pie pumpkins once that you could roast just chopped into pieces with the skin on. You could eat the skin too. They were nicer with a little sugar on them, very not-sweet but very tasty. I have some growing out the back but the baby has pulled them up and I had to replant them so they're a bit sadder than they should be.

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We must be getting good at roasts, haven't had a bad one for years. The housewench makes roasts that surpass all others we've had at other people's houses. I'm spoilt. This one tonight was particularly good. Forequarter roast. Crackling wasn't the best this time but it was still pretty nice, I don't think my housewench put enough salt on it. Potatoes, boiled for 10 minutes first, in the pan with the pork. Sweet potato in another pan. No gravy - just applesauce, although we use commercial gravy mix with lamb roasts, with some pan juices thrown in. The pork was just falling apart in places. Veeeeeeeeeeeeery nice.

We grew sugar pie pumpkins once that you could roast just chopped into pieces with the skin on. You could eat the skin too. They were nicer with a little sugar on them, very not-sweet but very tasty. I have some growing out the back but the baby has pulled them up and I had to replant them so they're a bit sadder than they should be.

I have an interesting problem with the crackling, I like crunchy, she likes chewy so I have to try and get both. Getting better at it. Haven't actually made one in a while, too much focus on the slow smoked barbecue meats. To get the crackling I dry the skin a lot, normally 5 or 6 paper towels worth of drying, really digging into the pre scored lines if there are any and then I score it up more into squares about 2 cm on a side. I follow Stephanie Alexanders method of salting it where you picture someone you don't like at the time and rub the salt into their face. That stephanie has issues.

I boil the tatties first too then give them a bit of a shake in the pan to rough up the edges, I pre heat the baking dish to a million degrees and then add bacon fat and put the tatties in when they are cold. Then salt them and cook them at 160 or so for quite a long time, makes for a tattie with a fluffy interior but an outside like a kettle chip when I get it right. Crispy and translucent and so damn laden with oil you can hear your arteries harden just looking at them.

Pumpkin I pre cook for a couple of hours at about 90 or 100 to dry them out and get some caramelisation going. Sweet potato get chucked in with these boys maybe a bit of rosemary or thyme if I have any lying around. No real prep on the sweet potatoes except peeling and chopping into handful size pieces. Bit of olive oil and a bit of a shake to cover them.

Normally end up cooking the meat in a tray raised so it is above the sides of the tray if possible (to get browning all over the meat and to avoid the accusation that I am not roasting, merely baking) and with some stock and onions in the bottom to catch the juices.

Someone doesn't like apple sauce (not even the great one I used to make where I boiled a couple of apples sliced fine in the meat juices and stock then blended it) so now I make a brown gravy from the stock and juices, boil the liquid down and then add a bit of flour and some vegeta powder to strengthen the flavours. At the last moment I pour the juices released from the resting pork into it as well so I go for a thicker gravy at the beginning knowing I can control consistency at the end with juices.

Boiled peas and beans are compulsory.

Once again I have turned a simple thing into a 4 hour cooking thing which means I normally happily drunk when the roast comes out and generally have a nasty appetite.

Have never really figured out what to do with the left over pork. It is the only roast I don't have good left over meals for. Tried doing negi miso ramen a few times, probably is what I will end up getting right and using as my pork leftover meal. Any help on negi miso welcome, if you have had the one at the japanese place under the station at Artarmon you will know the one I really like.

Oh I just had an idea... I love katsu kari. I wonder if I could use left over pork for that. Must try that next time. Means choosing an appropriately sized and shaped bit of pork. hmmmm. Could work.

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Or, today for lunch (since someone bought 2 minute noodles) you cut it up into bits, maybe a cut-up fried egg too, and fry it up with some random veggies like spring onions and chuck it in with the plain 2 minute noodles and some of your favourite sauce. Which will probably be plum sauce. But if you get the asian style ones you can use the sauce that comes with.