Why It's So Important to Remove Toxic People From Your Life

Friday, 9 June 2017

If you’re lucky enough, you’ve surrounded yourself with amazing friends. These friends have your back and are an added bonus to your life. However, sometimes, these amazing friends can become toxic. It can happen slowly over time or be wildly apparent from the start. Whatever the situation, this person has infiltrated your life, and it's time they were removed.

Generally speaking, I’ve been fortunate enough to have some incredible people in my life. Most are super supportive and a positive influence on my life. However, I have ended up with a few bad apples. *Please do not confuse those with opposing life views as toxic people. These two are not synonymous.* This has always been a concept I’ve struggled with mainly because I choose to see the best in people. So when you want to see the best in everyone, how do you remove toxic individuals from your life?

The first step is to identify these people. Sometimes, the person just might be struggling at this point in their life. While it is important to be there for your friends, if you are being dragged down by them, it might be time to cut the cord. Other times it can be incredibly challenging to identify these individuals as they can often be extremely manipulative. Their ability to charm those around them while being incredibly cruel behind closed doors leaves their 'friends' confused and in dismay. These type of toxic people may have an underlying, (un)diagnosed personality disorder and rarely recognise themselves as the problem.

Not sure if you have a toxic individual in your life? Here are a few signs you may need to end the friendship:

They are frequently asking but very rarely giving.

They have the need to always be right. It’s their way or the highway with tiny wiggle room.

They’re self-centred.

They have a Dr Jekyll/Mr. Hyde attitude. One moment they’re loving and caring, the next they’re angry, cold, or resentful.

They are always the victim. Whenever something happens, it’s never their fault.

They lie...CONSTANTLY. It doesn’t matter how big or small the lie, it will happen. Sometimes, they will purposefully negate information to present themselves in a more favourable light.

It can be hard to sit down and objectively analyse a friendship. If you’re anything like me, you want to see the good in people. Heck, you pray that the little slice of good you see can win and prevail over the bad aspects of their personality (thank you, Disney). But we’re not going to play the victims here. It’s not always about how that person is acting, you could be enabling this type of behaviour. Here are a few things to internally check when trying to suss out the unhealthy relationships in your life:

Protection mode kicks in, and you feel the need to save or fix this individual.

You find yourself justifying or making excuses for their behaviour.

You’re always on edge because you’re not sure how they’re going to respond in certain situations. You may go out of your way to avoid talking about certain things to avoid making them upset.

You find yourself feeling guilty but without justification as to why. When they’re angry, you find yourself struggling to understand what you did wrong.

Spending any time with them is draining.

Toxic individuals can be emotionally and physically draining to the people around them. Choosing to remove someone from your life can be a very stressful and scary process. It's also not a process that may happen overnight. But at the end of the day, you will no longer be weighed down by their bullsh*t. This can allow you the opportunity to live a happy and fulfilling life. It's ok if you're unable to walk away without extra support. If a toxic individual is abusive, please contact your local support line. These professionals are trained to help aid with short-term support. If you do not feel comfortable calling a support line, Crisis Text Line is available 24/7. Simply text 741-741 to start a conversation.

This post was not as upbeat as what I typically discuss but was an important topic to address. Life is too short to be consumed by those who make you feel bad about yourself. I again would like to stress that if someone is different to you, this does not mean they are toxic. HOWEVER, if the person is causing you some kind of distress or is being emotionally or physically abusive, this person very well could be too toxic for your life.

"Surround yourself with people that reflect how you want to feel inside."

Oh my goodness.... yes, to all of this. I've slowly been working on removing the toxic people in my life and it's made such a difference. Life is too short to spend it with people who are that draining!

So, so true! I have had to say 'goodbye' to a few toxic people in my life. Especially since having my son. It's just not worth it, especially when he will model his relationships on my own. Thank you for sharing! Such a good post.