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October 02, 2009

Public Urination in the Bible - Pisseth Against the Wall

Much of Kings is concerned with disgruntled monarchs who fall in and out
of favour with God. One of the most interesting episodes concerns Jeroboam
(c.930-900 BC), a “mighty man of valour” who later had a large champagne bottle
named after him. Jeroboam’s troubles begin when he worries that if the people
went and worshipped in Jerusalem, they might switch their allegiance to
Rehoboam (both a mightier king and a bigger champagne bottle). With little
thought for what’s gone before in the Bible, Jeroboam makes two golden calves
for people to worship instead, with predictable results.

Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will
cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut
up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam,
as a man taketh away dung, till it all be gone.

(1 Kings 14:10)

It should be noted here that dung has to be physically taken away –
there is no organised sanitation system yet in place. However, God is now
obsessed with the awful crime of mural micturition although, given the lack of
facilities, a wall must have seemed as good a place as any. However, it has
been argued that “him that pisseth against the wall” is a proverb meaning “every
male person” so perhaps we shouldn’t take this line too literally - and certainly not as Pastor Steven L Anderson does.

Similar fates befall Elah and Ahab in chapter 16 and 21. Mark Twain
comments on all of this theistic weirdness in his Letters from the Earth of
1909, a contentious and iconoclastic work that remained unpublished until 1962.

A person could piss against a tree, he could piss on his mother, he
could piss on his own breeches, and get off, but he must not piss against the
wall – that would be going quite too far. The origin of the divine prejudice
against this humble crime is not stated; but we know that the prejudice was
very strong – so strong that nothing but a wholesale massacre of the people inhabiting
the region where the wall was defiled could satisfy the Deity.

Take the case of Jeroboam. “I will cut off from Jeroboam him that
pisseth against the wall.” It was done. And not only was the man that did it
cut off, but everybody else.

The same with the house of Baasha: everybody was exterminated,
kinsfolks, friends, and all, leaving “not one that pisseth against a wall.”

In the case of Jeroboam you have a striking instance of the Deity’s
custom of not limiting his punishments to the guilty; the innocent are
included. Even the “remnant” of that unhappy house was removed, even “as a man
taketh away dung, till it be all gone.” That includes the women, the young
maids, and the little girls. All innocent, for they couldn’t piss against a wall.
Nobody of that sex can. None but members of the other sex can achieve that
feat.

9 Comments

Of course women can piss against the wall. Have you never of the women of ancient Egypt. Do you not know about women in certain African countries, even today, who can pee standing up. Look at the website of Becky Flanders, she could pee further than any man, as can most women.

Indeed they can and often do – I merely repeat the bizarre injunction in the Bible and Mark Twain’s comments thereon. However, I take it you are referring to Herodotus and his somewhat unreliable Histories (c.440 BC) in which he asserts of the Egyptians that the “Women stand erect to make water, the men stoop.” Given that he also mentions that “The offices of nature are performed at home,” one wonders how he can be so certain…

Robert Kerr, in his 1811 Collection of Voyages and Travels repeats an account of Two Mahometans into India and China in the 9th Century who note that “It is usual for the princes, and even the people, to make water standing. Persons of dignity, as well as the vice-kings, and the principal officers, have gilded canes, a cubit long, which are bored through, and these they use as often as they make water, standing upright all the time; and by this means the tube carries the water to a good distance from them. They are of opinion that all pains in the kidneys… and even the stone, are caused by making water in a sitting posture; and that the reins cannot free themselves absolutely of these humors but by standing to evacuate; and that thus this posture contributes exceedingly to the preservation of health.”

I haven’t, as yet, found any literature worth quoting on African women peeing standing up. Do you know of any.

And Becky Flanders is a welcome revelation to me. Thank you. She deserves a post of her own but here’s her site http://beckyflanders.com/

The only reference for African women, in relation to urinating, I found in wikipedia urination. There are two other websites on this subject stand2pee.com and a woman's guide on how to pee standing up. There is a very detailed discussion on this subject by Orde Levinson The Female Urinal. I just got a bit annoyed when you stated that no one of that sex (meaning female could piss against a wall. I don't know why it is in the Bible, because women could also do it in Bible times and maybe some did. Another Bible verse tells us that there is nothing new under the sun.

I'll check them out... Thanks again.
But to clarify, I was simply quoting Mark Twain - who himself was commenting on the Bible. Mark Twain may have believed that women can't pee against a wall. I do not have that illusion!

Just checked out Becky Flanders - I'm sure her work has a lot of artistic merit, but some women can pee MUCH further than that, in fact I think most men could equal or exceed her as far as distance is concerned.

Are some things not private and sacred anymore? This discussion is true toilet talk. I could understand talking about it in your own house because my brothers and I were laughing about how bizarre it is to find it in the bible, but to be discussing it on the Internet is bizarre to me!!