Why you shouldn’t be afraid to ask out someone who you think is out of your 'league'

The INSIDER Summary:

If you are afraid of asking a person out because you think they're better than you, then you could be missing out on someone great.

Attraction can take time, so try to get to know someone before you rule them out as a partner.

If you've ever seen a teen comedy, you probably have seen a similar trope come up: a girl pines after the hot high school guy, but secretly, the "nerd" is pining after her. All of them are too afraid to tell each other how they feel because the other person is "out of their league."

This is pervasive in our culture and yet it's total nonsense.

The idea of "leagues" separates people on the basis of their perceived attractiveness.

People who are "more attractive" are seen as better and therefore more unattainable. Of course, everyone wants to date someone that they find physically attractive, but in the scenario of "leagues" many people would be terrified to talk to someone that they think is "too hot" for them.

There are a lot of problems with this idea. For one, attractiveness is pretty subjective: believe it or not there are people on this Earth who think people like Kit Harington or Chrissy Teigen aren't attractive. Yeah, wrap your head around that.

When you put someone into a "league" higher than you, you're putting their worth ahead of yours and putting unnecessary limits on yourself.

"As a relationship consultant for over 25 years, so many times I hear men and women limiting themselves based on what they think they deserve in a relationship," she said. "The funniest part is that the only limitations they have are the limits they place on themselves."

"Leagues are self-determined and socially determined norms that are not necessarily realistic as relationships are based on compatibility and attractiveness beyond face value," she continued.

It's hard to put yourself out there and be vulnerable with anyone, let alone someone who you think has a higher risk of rejecting you. But by giving into that fear, you're actually limiting yourself and missing out on some really great experiences, r elationship therapist, educator, and author Shadeen Francis told INSIDER.

"Relationship satisfaction is compromised and limited by our fears of being vulnerable," she said. "This can begin even before people start dating as the fear of rejection prevents some people from approaching the people they are interested in. If you want to feel loved, understood, seen, or accepted, you have to put yourself in a position to take an emotional risk. Vulnerability paves the way for intimacy, and you may be pleasantly surprised."

Believe it or not, attraction sometimes takes time.

A study published in the journal "Psychological Science" found that for long-term couples that contained one "hot" person and a "less attractive" person, physical attraction took some time, but eventually strengthened between them. In other words, your personality and humor are a huge part of what makes someone like you.

Because personality and interests are such big factors, putting someone off-limits because of how they look could make you lose out on a person who could be great for you if you just got to know them. Or you could meet them and they could be totally wrong for you. You will never know until you try.

"No risk, no reward. If you like someone, you might as well see what happens," David Bennett, counselor and co-author of the site The Popular Man, told INSIDER. "Sure, you might be rejected. But, you also might find that someone you never thought would find you attractive actually likes you a lot. But, you'll never know if you instantly disqualify that person in advance!"

So the next time you see a hot person on Tinder or out at a coffee shop and find yourself wanting to run away, try chatting them up: you may just find that they think you're pretty great, too.