Work

Two months ago, received some bad news at work. Since I had to work out the schedule and costs for the bosses, and keep it confidential, I did not have time to think about how it affects ME.

Days went by, weeks went by, I was so bogged down with the work. The reality and feelings had no chance to sink in. I know it would affect me for certain, and that’s it. I did not know what will hit me though.

Until few weeks ago, the ball finally started rolling. I finally had the time to take a breather, and everything came tumbling down on me.

Sitting down, looking at the letter that I drafted, written, typed, printed, folded, I was overwhelmed by feelings and emotions. Happy that I finally get the push to start planning for a different future, sad that my journey with the company would be cut short, fear of the uncertainty of the future, doubt the decisions that I would be making……

The events that unfold in the following week, got me heartbroken, sad, worried, confused, angry…… All the plans I had in mind have to hold, my dreams will have to wait again.

My feelings were so overwhelmed that I couldn’t find a way to let them all out. I sort of swallowed all of them instead of pouring them out. I did talk to Andrew, but I thought I was matured enough to handle my feelings well. The feelings never went away. In fact, they built up so quickly that I wasn’t even aware that I was at the brink of a breakdown. Until one particular night, I got so angry with Andrew during the dinner over something very small. I snapped and cried my heart out in the bathroom, alone.

Later that night, Andrew asked me one question and that was when I couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked.

He must have sensed something. That one simple question was enough to trigger every emotions. I shook my head, that I’m not okay and cried for another 15 minutes.

I didn’t realise I was so tensed and stressed. I didn’t take time to really think about all of it and I brushed it off when it was actually bothering me.

I was at the edge. Not knowing what to do next.

That one question, pulled me back to the situation now and gave me a chance to release it all.

I managed to sort out my thoughts after that. The future is still uncertain, but at least I know what my options are. I still have fear, but knowing that there will still be a future is at least comforting.

If you have friends or family going through a difficult time, please take time to show that you care. Put your hands around their shoulders and ask them with your heart, “are you okay”. Be a good listener, give them a hug and assure them that you’ll be there for them no matter what.

Like this:

If you’ve been following me on my blog, or read enough, you’d know by now what my profession is. On and off I have to crack my head and squeeze out some extra brain juice for the company policies.

Sometimes I wonder, we are all adults, we should be able to know what is right, what we should do and what we should not do, why do we still need so many rules and policies to discipline us? On the other hand, I know there are people who will try very hard to find the loopholes and push the limits just so that they benefit more from the restricted situation. Sigh…… Trust me, we human are very creative when it comes to rule-breaking.

I’m not talking about a dress code that you have to follow strictly on what to wear. It’s more of a guideline on what is considered inappropriate in the office environment. Without a clear guidelines, people tend to test the limits. For example, when you say “appropriate length”, everyone has their own interpretation of appropriate length. What I deem short, the other person may not think so. Some think that as long as it’s slightly longer than a mini skirt, it’s fine. Some think that as long as it looks smart and neat then it’s fine to be short. I have even seen some fashion boutiques labelling some mini dresses as “work wear”.

I have people telling me that, “my butt is big, so the skirt looks shorter on me…… I am taller, that’s why it’s short.” How does that justify you wearing short? When you go to buy your clothes, don’t you try them on? If it appears to be short, do you still insist on buying? No harm to dress pretty for work, but pretty doesn’t mean you can’t look professional. I am tall too (5’7″), but I don’t use that as an excuse to wear something short.

I don’t deny that I did wear something short, but when someone told me it is short, I took note and I don’t wear it to work again. There were also times that I myself felt that it’s short when I was in the office and I don’t wear it again. When I buy clothes, I take extra note on the length of skirt and pants. It really makes me wonder, why can’t others do the same?

I really don’t wish the company to impose such strict rules on what we wear. We are all adults, we should know better how to discipline ourselves better. We are not children that need to be told what is right or wrong. Be a grown up, dress according to your profession and age.

I’m not some old lady who doesn’t have a fashion sense, and I’m not jealous of people wearing short skirts but I don’t. I do wear short skirts and mini dresses, not to work though. I just think you are portraying the company’s image through your actions, that includes what you wear.

This is a pretty dress, but is it appropriate for work?

Yes, I’ve seen people wearing this short to work.

I would love to wear these dresses, but not to work definitely.

Again, it runs a little too short for office wear.

Does pairing a mini dress with tights/stockings make a mini dress looks professional?

Now, I can totally see myself wearing these to work.

Yes, I’ve seen people wore this to work too. On a smart casual dress down day though.

And yes, I’ve seen people wearing this too and they think it looks “professional” just because they wore a working shirt.

Like this:

We are taught to return the favor when someone helps us. We are never taught to return the favor when someone is mean to us, or we call it revenge. It is always said that revenge only makes you feeling even more bitter, makes you a hater. Even if you manage to return the favor, you can’t undo what is done.

Unlike returning a good deed, others feel happy and you feel happier. Returning the favor should be a circle, it goes round and round, on and on, it should never stop. We often feel elated when we help someone and the world could always use an extra helping hand.

We are also told that to treat people how you would want to be treated, never do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you. Recently, I saw the photo below on Facebook and I laughed. I laughed, and I concurred.

When the other person doesn’t really care about me, I feel that it is only wasting time to continue to show that I care. Someone said, keep showing them the love since they may need it. Hell with that. I’m not a saint. I can’t love someone who constantly treats me like a doormat. I may or may not return the favor, but I will certainly distant myself from that person, either physically or emotionally.

A very simple rule, you treat me nice, and I’ll treat you the same. When you are mean to me, please don’t expect me to be an angel. When I turn my back on you, you should know damn well that it is time for you to walk out of my life. Don’t go around telling others how I have failed you, remember, it works both way.

Like this:

I miss writing, I definitely do. It’s just I don’t have the luxury of time to sit and think, and reflect. I sometimes get scared that the time goes by so fast and I have not done enough to achieve what I want to achieve. Frustration is catching up real fast… and stress.

I have always pride myself for able to deal with my stress beautifully, but recently I find myself giving in to the stress easily.

I am busy at work, but not that kind of busy that I will bury myself in work until I forgot to take my lunch or having a break. However, the stress level is very high. Tasks that cannot be done within the deadlines, outstanding issues that cannot be solved within a short period of time, prolonged issues from the past that keep haunting me every now and then, ad-hoc stuffs that required more attention and time, important but not urgent tasks that need more time than the rest, ongoing projects or assignments that can’t seem to end, people problems or issues that keep creeping back, constantly on my guards for fear that someone would stab me in the back again even-though I know I did not make any mistake……

I used to be passionate about what I’m doing, but I think I lost my passion somewhere along the road.

When you give your passion and effort whole-heartedly, what you get is disappointments and frustrations all the time, you can’t help but feel demotivated. I put in more passion and effort when I feel demotivated. I fuel my motivation from inside, but now I can’t do it anymore. I feel like an empty shell that I have nothing to give anymore, and I have nothing to draw from anymore.

I don’t know where this road will take me if I continue to stay on this path……

The only thing that makes me stay on this path now is the monetary reward, nothing else.