Sunday, January 29, 2012

Shark Night 3D: watched in 2D

Yikes, this movie got a lot of flak when it came out. Now, I see a lot of bad movies, and trust me: Shark Night 3D isn't THAT bad. I saw some bunny themed slasher movie on CHILLER the other night that was so bad I couldn't even finish watching it. When I can't enjoy watching a bunch of college kids get slaughtered in the woods THAT IS BAD. Shark Night 3D isn't so bad.

Not saying it's good either. Unfortunately it came out after the incredible, the awesome, the so bad it's genius Piranha 3D. Both films have a lot in common. Killer sea life where it shouldn't be (a lake), hot young students served up as fish food, hillbillies. Difference is, Shark Night 3D is 100% without humor. Or boobs. Or gore. Or a sensible plot. So you are not up all night wondering what Shark Night could be about, let me explain...

A bunch of Tulane University kids decided to spend the weekend at Sara's lake house. Sara (Sara Paxton, who I like: she is a good final girl) is from a rich family, and they own a private island somewhere in Louisiana. Sara hasn't been to the lake house in 3 years. This could have something to do with her crazy ex boyfriend who almost let her drown, so she ran over his face with a propeller. He lived, and he is a hillbilly. This ex and a bunch of his hillbilly friends decide to make a fortune by introducing sharks to the lake, strapping cameras to their heads, and feeding them college students. Their brilliant plan is to sell this "extreme shark week" footage to the highest bidder. No one ever said hillbillies ever came up with good ideas. These hillbillies aren't even cannibals! Jeez.

So that it the movie. Most of the kills are off camera so there is very little gore. The characters are horrible (except this guy, who seeks vengeance on a shark by stabbing it with a spear. It turns out it was the wrong shark, but it was a Hammerhead, which is pretty cool.), and the plot is re-dick-u-lous. But, I didn't spend $15 bucks in the theatre to see the crappy 3D. I spent $1.99 on a 5 day rental. All in all I am pretty happy and should be able to go on with my life. Thank goodness this movie tanked: I wouldn't want to sit through Shark Night 2 3D: More Crap.

2 comments:

Piranha 3d got it right, the gave it the gore and the humor needed to keep audiences entertained. If your movie has a silly premise, it's better to tell it with some humor infused into the proceedings. Too bad this one had none!