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Thursday, January 25, 2007

A couple of recent threads have got me thinking about why I prefer to be solitary. In the ADF thread, I was asking for people's opinions about ADF, which led Fiamma to graciously invite me to visit her grove. I haven't done it yet, and I'm not sure why.

Whenever I think about it, I feel...not *scared*, exactly...more like trepidatious or apprehensive.

I thought at first that it might have something to do with not wanting to be accused of fluffy-bunniness or something like that. Or worry that the ADF folks are too fluffy for me. But the thread on fluffy bunnies gave me the opportunity to think that through, and that's not it.

So, then I thought maybe it's because I don't label myself in a way that seems to me to fit with what I know about druidism. But, on reflection, and on reading the thread about Celtic Recon + Wicca, I don't think that's it either. I probably would fit pretty well into a druid grove, as far as beliefs go.

I've finally come to the notion that I'm afraid that worshiping with a group of people will be just like going to church was for me. I felt nothing. And what's more, it didn't look to me like anyone else felt anything, either. To me, it looked like everyone was just going through the motions.

So, I think I'm afraid that I'll be with a group of people like that. Sort of that I don't trust them to be sincere.

Why is that scary to me? I have no idea.

But I think that's why I prefer to be alone. I don't talk to anyone about my beliefs (other than you guys, and I'm not sure I want to.)

I was wondering what others felt about this. Many people say they value the community. What, exactly, is it that you value, and why?