My last sound off covered the emotional turmoil and disappointment I have experienced in my son's behavior and inability to be a parent and role model for Aaron. It wasn't my intention to follow such a similar topic. However, I recently became aware of a situation that highlights the absolute absurdity of his behavior and thought processes (or rather, lack of thought processes). Before I continue, I would like to stress that we have never dropped our son on his head; I did not partake of drugs or alcohol while pregnant; he was not abused or neglected (we didn't even trust babysitters or daycares with our children); he has never sustained a head injury either by accident or participation in sports. That being made clear, I will go on to explain what has got my panties in a bunch tonight...First a bit of relationship history:My son and Aaron's mother have had a turbulent relationship from the get-go. Within weeks of dating my son tried to end the relationship and she told him she was pregnant. He stayed in the relationship and it turned out she was not pregnant, but he attempted several times to break off the relationship and each time she would declare she was pregnant and each time we would warn him to use protection. Being the know-it-all 17 year old he was, he disregarded our warnings and continued this cycle of breakup and makeup until she eventually was pregnant with our Aaron.

The damage having been done, we helped the kids prepare for parenthood as best we could. In getting to know Aaron's mother better, I learned that she was taken from her own mother as an infant and placed in foster care. Her foster mother adopted her only to give her up to the state when she became an unruly adolescent. She was then bounced around to different foster and group homes where she ran into repeated behavioral problems and fighting. She was diagnosed with various psychological disorders and I felt myself empathizing with this troubled girl who has never known true stability and unconditional love and support. Unfortunately, she came from an environment in which physical violence appeared to be the norm for resolving differences and venting anger.

One evening I received a call from the police telling me that they had taken her into custody for domestic violence against my son. They were not charging her, but as she was still a minor, they asked me to sign her out and told her she was not to return to the apartment she shared with my son until the next day. There were several other instances in which she was violent toward my son and I would see then cuts and bruises. My son, having felt bad that she was arrested the first time, refused to report the incidents. Though, neighbors had called and the police made reports, in one incident she admitted to police that she had spit at my son. Very disturbing for us, particularly when this type of behavior was unacceptable in our home and our sons were raised that there was never a reason to put hands on another in anger. One day our son called from his cell phone to say she was following him and would not leave him alone, my husband could hear her screaming at our son in the background. She was pushing and grabbing at him, spitting on him and dumping a drink on him when he finally had enough and shoved her away from him. When he shoved her away his hand slipped upward off her shoulder and hit her face. She immediately cried abuse and ran to the police to file a report, which she later dropped.

Over the past three years, Our son has kept up the on again off again relationship and it has remained quite toxic. Aaron's mother has become involved in additional relationships that were equally volatile and riddled with allegations of abuse. She has a habit of hitting on the men in her life until they do something defensively or aggressively in return that results in her receiving an injury. There have been several relationships in between and each share the same pattern. She is currently pregnant again and has a protection from abuse order against this newest child's father.Whew, this is going on longer than I expected. Let's tie all this together, shall we?In April 2011 my son bought an engagement ring and proposed to her and she accepted. The next day my son tested positive for drugs (breaking his probation - again) and was sent to the youth detention center where he remains today. Initially she chose to wait for him, but by December she was pregnant by one guy, dating another guy and still engaged to my son. In January she suffered a miscarriage and by February she was pregnant again by the guy she has the protection from abuse order against... I know it sounds bad, and it is. It also sounds as though I am hating on the girl, I am not and Lord knows my son is far from an angel or a victim. I genuinely like the girl and that is part of my problem, she is extremely charismatic, funny and at times sincere; coupled with my understanding of her background, I cannot turn my back on her. But, sadly she is a product of her upside down life and mental disorders, and I've had to set boundaries in order to maintain sanity in our lives.

...and so, the climax of my tale.My son called the other night and told me that he and she had been writing one another letters and are "working things out", I warned him that because of their toxic relationship and history that they would be risking her losing her newest baby to child protective services and he needed to bow out and allow her to try and be a mother to that child. He claimed that as long as he stayed out of trouble it wouldn't be a problem and refused to accept my warnings otherwise.

Now, last night she called me and confirmed that they had been working things out through letters, but she also revealed that she and my son had discussed putting his name as father on the birth certificate of her yet to be born baby (mind you, he is not the father). I about dropped the phone at hearing the absolute insanity of such a proposal! These kids have had their parental rights terminated by the state for one child and they have not learned a thing from the experience! I am absolutely livid at the level of selfishness and stupidity these kids maintain.The lesson learned...No matter how many times I resolve not to allow their activities to upset me, they still have the power to rattle my calm. I have repeatedly said that I don't care what they do outside of these walls as long as they conduct themselves in a healthy manner around Aaron. But, I have been lying to myself because I do care. I care about both of these stupid, selfish kids and I care about the poor baby girl preparing to enter this world of chaos and instability, and I care about how everything they do still has the potential to effect dear, sweet Aaron later in life.