The Battle for Oblivion

Summary (may contain spoilers): The Battle for Oblivion follows the story of a girl named Raven, who lives in a land called the Realm of Shadows. However, this isn't the only Realm: there are two others, The Realms of Light and Twilight, and all three are divided into seperate worlds that can be accessed through a portal. Raven isn't like her fellow Shadow people: she has differently colored eyes and feels emotions that her people don't. When her twin brother, Zachary, tells her that he has to bring her to the emperor, she finds out that, due to her power of shrinking to a smaller size, she has a mission to go and spy on the Realm of Light, the enemy of her Realm that has tried before to destroy her people. While in the Realm of Light, she finds herself intrigued by the light that she has never seen before, and she feels things she's never felt before, either, such as excitement and amazement. Raven perches on the shoulder of a man named Sir Jacob and learns of the Realm of Light's plan to attack her Realm in two weeks. She's discovered quickly by Sir Jacob, but they both feel the need to trust each other. He doesn't turn her in, and when she goes by portal back to her land, she does not tell the emperor of the plans of a surprise attack. She goes back to the Realm of Light later, however, determined to find more information and help her people. Too soon, she gets caught and lands in prison--she manages to excape, but Raven knows that her presence will be alerted to the whole kingdom...

Good points:

The prologue. Wow, I totally loved the prologue. It was executed perfectly, contained the right amount of description and suspense, and generally drew you in to the story. Once I read the prolouge, I needed to click on the next chapter, so good job there! (+1 star)

The originality. I felt like this story was pretty creative. The author could've gone with the cliched medieval fantasy thing, but (at least in the Realm of Shadow) she didn't. There was an emperor, instead of a king, and the Realm of Shadows itself was well developed. It talked about little social things, like how they didn't say good morning and talked in short sentences. You don't always see this kind of attention to detail in fantasy novels, so I applaud the author on this. (+1 star)

The fact that this story takes place in the Realm of Shadows. I feel like that takes an approach to the story from the villain's side, which is awesome. (+1 star)

The action. There is a lot happening in this story. It keeps up a good pace, makes you want to keep reading so you find out what happens next. (+1 star)

The setting. This ties into the originality of the story. I really, really enjoyed the connecting three worlds and am excited to read more about each Realm and what happens in each of them. I've never really heard of the idea of interlocking worlds that correspond with light, shadow, and twilight, so it's original and exciting and I love it. (+1 star)

Not-so-good points:

The story feels rushed. Like, everything is happening a bit too fast, and it would be much improved if some more details were added and the whole pace was slowed down a bit. Like I said, I really did enjoy the action, but the action itself happens as if someone has pressed the fast-forward button. For example, in the space of the first chapter Raven is called upon by the Emperor and then sent immediately to the Realm of Light. If this scene was slowed down, with more explanation added about why she needs to spy, why it has to be her who spies, etc, I think it could be more intriguing. Also, at the beginning, I think some more exposition about who Raven and her brother are would be nice, but of course that can always come later. :) (-1 star)

Detail. I think this piece of work needs a little more detail. This goes with the rushed feeling of the book. Some things are glossed over when there could be more detail added to create suspense, like when Raven is pulled into this prison at one point in the book. It does not have a lot of detail about what she's feeling, what she's seeing, etc. This isn't the only time some detail could be added to the writing, but for most of the story I think the description is pretty good, other than a few instances. (-.5 star)

Overall Review: The Battle for Oblivion is a book that shows a lot of promise, and I'm excited to see where it will end up. With some tweaks, I think it could be a very good, exciting, suspenseful read. The author should definitely keep going with it--I'll be reading! ;)

Advice for the Author: Try to slow down the story a little bit, add a little more detail, don't be so rushed with where the story is going. Please, stick with it. I think The Battle for Oblivion could become something amazing with some work.

Thank you very much! I'm very grateful, and I'll keep your advice in mind! I'm very happy to finally get some advice, and now I'm off to edit!

Again, THANK YOU!!!!!

Edit: About the exposition with Raven, I took a page from Bambi where she has to absorb all sorts of emotions and experiences in able for her to gain an actual personality. And I will definitely expand upon her brother, but I have to figure out how.