Are zombie babies real?

I cannot lie to you. Yes, they are very real.

What is a zombie baby?

A zombie baby is, as its name suggests, the result of breeding a zombie and a baby. It is interesting to note that male zombies rarely have sex with female babies, usually preferring to eat them, so the majority of zombie babies are the result of successful breeding between male babies and zombie women.

What is the difference between zombie babies and dead babies?

There are several differences between zombie babies and dead babies:

Zombie babies are not dead. They are undead creatures stuck in infancy whose purpose in life is to eat other creatures, especially humans, and most notably human brains.

There are more dead babies than zombie babies. There are very few reports of zombie babies, while there are many reports of dead babies. This is mostly because few people who encounter zombie babies live to report this.

People are more upset over dead babies than zombie babies. This is primarily because people are unaware of the risk that zombie babies pose. A dead baby can hardly do any damage, while a zombie baby will most likely eat your brains. Therefore, carefully weighing the options, an encounter with a zombie baby is probably a lot more upsetting than an encounter with a dead baby.

"Zombie babies don't exist". Haha. I've heard this argument from many people. These people will usually point out that babies having sex with zombies is ridiculous, backed by scientific proof that babies aren't capable of reproduction etc. This is true and unrefutable, and forces me to reveal the true origin of zombie babies. Zombie babies are in fact flesh-eating aliens who have come here to eat mankind (because of a shortage of food on their home planet, of course). They are disguised as babies, because humans believe babies are innocent and harmless. I only made up that "breeding" story so as not to scare you.

Many people are very sensitive to disgusting jokes about dead babies, because they are "tasteless and mean". And they are completely correct. What kind of sick, twisted person would make jokes about something like dead babies? Not me, I can tell you. Zombie babies, however, are not believed by most people to be real, as they are undocumented, for reasons stated above. Therefore what offense can possibly come from a joke about something that doesn't exist? This is the reason that zombie baby jokes, unlike dead baby jokes, can be told at any occasion.

Also, you can take any dead baby joke and transform it into a harmless, non-offensive joke by changing the word "dead" to "zombie".

As no more writeups are being added to this node (stupid editors think they can put a cog in the zombie babies' plan for world domination), /msg me if you've heard of (/invented) another zombie baby joke that you'd like me to add.