How to attract women like a married man

Every now and then you hear guys talk about how it seems so difficult to find an interesting, clever, and a beautiful woman when they are single, but as soon as they start dating they become chick magnets and suddenly that kind of quality women are around every corner. On top of that, many of them seem to be attracted to these guys – something that was completely unheard of before! One moment you’re just another single guy trying to get the attention of a beautiful woman. Start dating, and you become magic.

The scarcity principle is one explanation; people are always more interested in things that seem unobtainable or rare. Then there issocial proof; someone else has already done the screening for you. But how do you create the same effect without starting to date and consequently remove yourself from the marketplace?

Most guys do the mistake that they imagine their life would become somehow better when they introduce a woman to it. This presupposes that there is something wrong in their lives, or that something is missing. Their lives feel incomplete, and they imagine that a woman’s presence will fix it. This creates neediness and I think women can sense it when you interact with them – if not consciously, then at least in the more primitive parts of their brain.

So if you want to attract a beautiful, clever, and an interesting woman I’d say stop trying. Stop being just another guy who approaches her with nothing unique to offer. The reality of attractive women is that they get approached multiple times a day, and this becomes a bother. They’re not necessarily bitchy, but they need to develop ways to make snap judgements about the men who approach them, and be able to shrug them off in the blink of an eye.

Instead, think about your life. What do you value? What do you enjoy doing? What kind of life you want to be living in the next five years? Start systematically improving your life so that it becomes so enjoyable you don’t need a woman on it, or necessarily even have time for one. Doing this will cause few things to happen:

You will have a lot more fun

You are in control of the fun, it’s not dependent on anyone else

You will stop projecting that air of neediness

You will become seemingly unavailable, which makes you appear even more desirable

Women will notice how much you enjoy your life and want to be part of it

Most importantly; a decision to involve a woman into your life will not be anymore about trying to fix something that is broken, but about making an already great life even more enjoyable.

You and your life, the whole package you have to offer to a woman is a product. How can you sell it if you don’t like what you’re selling in the first place?

I am a Finland-based organisation design consultant, writer, amateur photographer, and human performance geek. My expertise is in rapid, non-predictive, hands-on innovation and managing uncertainty. I am also one of the authors of an upcoming book on Experimentation-Driven Innovation.