91 comments:

"[The] editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine[ ] cited a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes."

Ah, so it's based on averages and percentages. Well. I've long thought Robert Reich was onto something when he said (in a rather different context) that "averages don't always reveal the most telling realities." Or as Bobby Bragan put it: "Say you were standing with one foot in the oven and one foot in an ice bucket. According to the percentage people, you should be perfectly comfortable."

Well I never had too much luck starting sex with intercourse although there can be a short transition. I think the proper phrase would be "optimal intercourse" not "optimal sex". Once in the saddle, 3-13 (or 7.3) minutes sounds about right, but unless you're Debbie Stabenow's husband you better plan to stick around for a few, as well.

In middle tennessee the cow and bull next door did it in less than that. The cows laughed that I said such. The laughing cow became a spokeswoman for the cheese. The humans made lots of money. Though the bull made her eat some some sweetgrass first, which caused a whole controversy in the pharma community, and the little boys stopped laughing, the dish broke and spoon didn't run away, they just sang a song about the underdog.

Don't know about chickens.

Birds, now they are fun to watch. Contrary to popular belief a bird in the hand is not like a bird in a cage is not like a bird on the telephone wire.

The ones that stop in the preserve to put on a show for bird watchers are so dang beautiful. Becareful that they don't make droppings when you are least aware.

I can see those female sex therapists pretending they're Jane Fonda in "Klute". Kind of spoils the fun if you're thinking about the time."People who read this will say, 'I last five minutes or my partner lasts eight minutes,' and say, 'That's OK,' "That's a three minute gap of unpleasantness for one or both parties. Mine doesn't work if I know someone's waiting.

I generally have optimal sex. Why you ask? Because it is new. A new person every time. It is thrilling, exotic, a little dangerous and it makes me horny.

It's always safe though.

I would say, on average, it takes between 2 and 10 minutes for me to cum with someone.

For example, today I went to the gym and had a really good workout and went to the steamroom and a guy blew me while I wiped the steam from the door so no one would interrupt. This entire experience took approximately 2-3 minutes.

Todays episode is typical of my sexual experiences. I tend to not like to be in a bed with someone because that is a little too intimate for me and I find things I don't like and I don't like cuddling then I lose my hard on.

But whether I am in a back alley, a bush, sauna, steamroom, shower I can always blow it within 5 minutes.

I did do it in the Fenway Victory Gardens in Boston once and it took like 30 minutes. It was very romantic. The lights from Fenway Park were bouncing off are rock hard bodies as we were swinging on someone's chair in their garden.

We had to climb the fence to get to a "private" area. The fence had spikes at the top. It was very dangerous.

But I told the thing I was doing it with I wanted to be as far away from the Yum Yum tree as possible. The Yum Yum tree is this huge tree in the middle of the park where there are literally hundreds of men doing it. The Yum Yum tree has a weird smell and the mose bizarre sounds I had ever experienced. Kind of like a deep moan. I don't like anyone else watching me do it-I have my standards.

Afterwards, we were starved, so we actually picked the persons tomatoes from their private garden and ate them on our way out.

I know totally tacky.

He was from Texas. He kept on saying, "yea, I am a big republican from Texas". I was like that aint working. Stop talking and open your legs.

One time and this is a true story. I went to the Fenway Victory Gardens and this spic starting blowing me.

He kept on wanting me to take off my pants and I was like no but eventually I did.

When I took off my pants he was blowing me and then grabbed my pants and ran out of the park.

I had to take my shirt off and wrap it around my waste and a cop came by. I reported it to the poor cop and this other guy was there and he told the cop he saw the whole thing. The guy seemed nice and I was happy that he verified my story. The cops then left and the guy that helped me asked me if he could borrow some money-seriously. I was like I don't have any pants bitch, where do you think I am going to have any money?

I had to call a friend, call the bank, DMV and get all new keys.

The cops called me later that week and asked me if I wanted to come to a line up and perhaps identify the guy. They did not know if they arrested that guy that night or not but never find my keys/bank card and cell phone. I declined-I was over it.

The next night when I was there I made sure to keep everything in my sock and will never take off my pants again.

To make matters worse while waiting for my friend to pick me up the Boston Red Sox baseball game had been completed. So all these drunk Boston Red Sox fans are walking by me as I am sitting on the steps of someones brownstone with a little tankey wrapped around my waist-fun.

He was an exterminator. He also took off my pants. After I took off my pants he told me he was hungry. The only thing I had in the house was a frozen pizza so while I was putting the frozen pizza in the oven he went into my pants pocket and stole my license/credit card and money.

He then told me he was going to go out to his exterminator van and get some pot.

He never came back.

I had to fly home the next day because it was my birthday and I didn't have any identification.

The post is meant to contrast the timeless feeling of sex, with the actual time taken, a sort of comic perspective on what seems to take a person into eternity (the better part, not the boring part, of Forever).

As the Ghost of a Gentleman dead these 250 Years and more, I may tell you that the Dangers of removing one's Breeches in an Act of illicit Love are not new to this Modern Age.

Here you may see Mr. Hogarth's very just Engraving of the Idle 'Prentice in a Garret with a common Prostitute, depicting such a Situation. She seems to have a Fondness for Watches; altho' I do not think she was keeping Time, however much she had the Measure of her Bedmate. A Brace of Pistols would open the Way for our Whorologist to a new Branch of her Profession. In the end she betrays her passing Paramour, who in the sturdy Fashion of my Age, hang'd for his Trouble.

Trusting that neither You nor none of this Audience will find themselves in such a Predicament,

In 2007, Ramirez requested and received permission from the Red Sox to arrive late to Spring Training for family reasons. It was later revealed that during his absence Ramirez was scheduled to appear at the Kansas City Rare Hog and Pork Auction. It is unclear whether the appearance was scheduled before or after the family situation. A Pot-belly Pig that Ramirez had put up for bidding at the auction did not generate a high enough bid to be sold because it was thought to have been lackadaisical and ridden with parasites. However, it was wearing an adorable little knitted jacket, MP3-playing sunglasses, and no pants.

Before writing Who Moved My Cheese pop management guru Spencer Johnson wrote a series of best-selling books for people who had little time to spare outside of their usual tasks: The One Minute Manager, The One Minute Sales Person, even The One Minute Mother and The One Minute Father.

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning" Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

That was two o'clock in the morning, and I get my date back to her apartment, and the two of us are alone, and we're going pretty good. I have to explain this very delicately, 'cause it's really tentative. As I... as I am an inordinately...passionate...man. Volatile. Sensual. In general a stud. When making love...when making love...in an effort...to prolong...the moment of ecstacy...I think of baseball players. All right, now you know. The two of us are making love violently, she's digging it, I figure I better start thinking of ballplayers quickly. So I figure it's one out, the ninth, the Giants are up. Mays lines a single to right, he takes second on a wild pitch. Now she is digging her nails into my neck. I decided to pinch-hit for McCovey. Alou pops out. Haller singles, Mays holds third. Now I got a first-and-third situation. Two out, the Giants are behind one run. I don't know whether to squeeze or steal. She's been in the shower for ten minutes, already. This is too...I can't tell you anymore, this is too personal. The Giants won.

Unfortunate analogy. If sex were like boiled eggs it'd never actually boil, just approach the boiling point then be removed from the heat and covered for 13 minutes, more or less. But before that, you'd have to lay on your side overnight or for at least for a few hours, to center your yolk. Wouldn't do to end up all off-centered. Then when you're done with not ever actually boiling, you'd have to douse yourself in ice water to prevent unsightly iron from forming around your center. And finally, you'd require a good cracking and a thorough peeling. No mention of harnesses, slings, handcuffs, ball gags, etc. Pffft.

I have a roundish toy of a kitchen timer painted as a chicken. Its entire body rings, and loudly. Karen named it Isabel because it ... wait for it .... is a bell.

Sometimes my dad will grap his hog when he sees an attractive women on tv and says, "I got something that she would enjoy". My mom, again, laughs. I sit there wondering if this happens in other families.

You may know that one of the Hobby-Horses upon which I am wont to ride is the Topick of how certain Things are little chang'd by the Centuries between my Age and this. I may tell You that I never expect'd a Jest to survive intact from the Year 1712, when I first heard it in the Army, to this Day; except the original Quibble was, "He would be alive yet, had they not begun to Ring the Change!"

Or her flirting with that other republican while some Ct. republican was giving an important speech about 9/11. Oh the republican she was flirting with was Rick Enzi-I think he is going to be going to jail. That's sad, he is kind of hot and a true family man.

from the linked-to article:"There are so many myths in our culture of what other people are doing sexually,"[said Marianne Brandon, a clinical psychologist and director of Wellminds Wellbodies in Annapolis, Maryland]. "Most people's sex lives are not as exciting as other people think they are."

1. Ann posted regarding sex practices2. Titus is interested in sex3. Titus commented here regarding sex -- big surprise.4. No one is obligated to read his or any other comments. In fact, why read about sex at all if the topic is offensive?