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A builder knows how many rooms he wants in his house, he could alter it if he wishes, and the building regulations in the area gives the maximum number of floors you could have. Some prospective parents have fallen into the trap of drawing up their ‘plan’ for their children way up to who the children would marry when they grow up and how many children their children would have—so to speak.

Such parents are bound to face problems. Why?

Humans are no robots. All humans have something in common—free will. It was given to us all by the creator. This factor must be considered when as parents we face the temptation to plan our children’s lives to suit us. When the children are babies you could choose the type of diaper you want them to wear, the styles of clothing they would put on. To some extent you dictate what they would eat. This is because you cannot force feed a child what they do not want to eat. The child simply spits it up. Thus from babyhood, your child begins to show their preferences in certain issues.

The bottom line?

Allow your children to grow up, make their own mistakes—mistakes are to be learnt from—make needed adjustments with the full conviction that we are there for them whenever they fall. Do not get me wrong, this does not rule out shaping the life of your children through needed discipline, advice—sometimes strongly given, and of course a loving atmosphere that makes for a wholesome association at home and keeps the line of communication open.

So how far should parents go?

Parents can only go as far as they can go, as far as the child allows you to go since in all sincerity you cannot live your children’s lives.