Gilbert Belnap, 1821-1899

Autobiography (1821-1846)

Typescript, HBLL

AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF GILBERT BELNAP

I, Gilbert Belnap, am the son of Rosel and Jane Belnap, and
was born in Hope, New Castle District, Upper Canada, on December
22, 1821. I am the third son of my father and the youngest of
five children. Three sons were born after me, making eight in
all.

At the age of ten years I was bereft of my parents. I had
but little or no education, and according to the law of my
native country, I was bound an apprentice to William C. Moore,
who was a coach, carriage, stage and wagon maker by trade. He,
through idleness and dissipation, became very much involved in
debt, and accordingly left the country, not, however, without
giving me a few days' time to make a visit with my brothers and
sisters. I did [not] understand the nature of his generosity at
the time, neither was I made acquainted with his intended
elopement until the night of his departure. I, being young and
inexperienced in the world, was soon made to believe that I was,
according to the articles of the agreement between us, under
obligation to go with him beyond the boundaries of my native
country. Accordingly in 1831, I was deprived of the society of
my friends for a season. . . .

After listening to a long conversation between Abner [?]
Cleveland and a man by the name of Colesburg about the locality
of the town of Kirtland, and the beauty and construction of the
Mormon Temple, prompted by curiosity and being of a roving
disposition, I longed to form an acquaintance with that people
and to behold their temple of worship. Accordingly, the third
day after the conversation, I found myself on my way to see the
wonders of the world constructed by the Latter-day Saints,
commonly called Mormons. This edifice [Kirtland Temple] is
built of rough hewn stone with a hard finish on the outside. It
was divided off into solid blocks of equal size with a smooth
surface resembling marble. Upon the east end stood the lofty
spire with two rows of skylight windows on either side of the
roof to light the apartments below. There were two large rooms
on the first and second floors sufficiently large to comfortably
seat two thousand people each. At each end of these rooms was a
pulpit constructed for the purpose of accommodating those
holding different degrees of the holy priesthood. The
architecture and the construction of the interior of this temple
of worship surely must have been of ancient origin as the master
builder has said that the plan thereof was given by revelation
from God, and I see no reason why this should not be credited
for no one can disprove it. After a few days feasting my eyes
on the products of Mormon labor, in company of William Wilson, I
commenced a small job of chopping that he had taken. After its
completion, I hired to C. G. Crary with whom I labored on a farm
for eight months. During the winter I attended school.

The following winter I formed the acquaintance of several
families called Mormons and by close observation satisfied
myself that they lived their religion better and enjoyed more of
the spirit of God than any other people that I had ever been
acquainted with. Accordingly, I strove to make myself
(acquainted) familiar with their principles of religion. After
a diligent investigation for nearly two years, I satisfied
myself with regard to the truthfulness of Mormonism and
determined at some future date to obey its principles. Although
I could not form any particular reason for deterring, so as I
was of a wild romantic disposition, I could not immediately
decide to embrace the religion of heaven and bring my mind and
all the future acts of my life to corroborate with those divine
principles. Yet, there was a sublimity and grandeur in the
contemplation of the works of God that at times completely
overshadow and cast to momentary forgetfulness the many vain
amusements with which I had long been associated. Not being
capacitated to being continually on the stretch of serious
thought, my mind would again revert back upon the amusements of
the world and being surrounded with the young and gay, I was
easily drawn aside from the discharge of that duty, which my own
better judgment prompted me to obey.

It has never entered my heart that many of the amusements
which I had long been a participant were innocent in their
nature and not offensive in the sight of God, only when made so
by extravagance on the part of those who participated in them.
Having little or no acquaintance with the Latter-day Saints
prior to my arrival in Kirtland, the forces of my education had
taught me to detest the slightest variation from morality in a
religion of any kind. The minister that would participate in
the dance or in many other amusements was discarded by his
fellows and looked upon by the unbelieving world as a hypocrite
and deserved to be cast without the kingdom. Why is that so?
Simply because of their tradition and the force of education.

Prior to this time I had favored the Methodists and,
complying with the requests of the priest, had sought the
mourners bench and had strove with all my might to obtain the
same manifestations of the spirit with which they said they were
endowed. In spite of every exertion on my part in the honesty
of my soul, I was compelled to acknowledge that I could not
experience a similar manifestation to that which they,
themselves professed to enjoy. From the deportment of this
people, I soon became confirmed in the belief that the ministers
only appealed to the feelings or the passions of the people, at
least in many instances. I could form no other conclusion and
felt disposed to leave them in the enjoyment of their supposed
reality.

At this time, eighteen months had passed away since I had
heard anything from my native country. After having written
several letters, I at length received an answer from my brother
John, who was then living in Whitly, Home District, W.C.,
bearing good news concerning all my brothers, and gave the
whereabouts of my aged grandfather and mother. He also promised
to meet me at their place of residence on the 10th of September,
1841. After complying with his request, I pursued my labors
until two days prior to the time of our meeting. Then I set out
and at the close of the third found myself in the presence of an
old veteran of the Revolution whom I had long desired to see.
After passing the usual compliments between two strangers, I
craved his hospitality for the night which he has frankly
granted. After evading as far as possible every question that
related to my identity, not wishing to incur his displeasure, I,
at length, told him who I was. I suddenly found myself
surrounded by a numerous host of relatives.

The inmates of that house consisted of the aged couple,
Jacob Alexander, his wife, the daughter of the aged pair, her
son and two daughters of about 15 and 17 years of age. Their
somber countenance and dignified appearance, together with their
long faces made them look more like a group of Quakers to me
than blood relatives of mine. A more religious man than Uncle
Jacob I think I never had seen. Although there had been no
mention made by men of my brother John's expected arrival, I
soon learned that he was looked for every hour, and that I was
no unexpected guest. After the usual compliments on such
occasions and a hurried recital of the time and place of my
parent's death and the whereabouts of the rest of the family,
being fond of solitude, I retired to the back of the garden to
consult my own feelings on the realities of what I had a few
minutes before witnessed, for surely the place was adapted to
the occasion for there the vine entwined around the shrubbery
and the decaying foliage all bore unmistakable evidence of the
new approach of those chilling blasts of the polar regions which
bid the husbandmen to make ready for winter. I wondered if my
newly formed acquaintance was destined to have any resemblance
to the gathering of the grapes after the vintage is done, or
should it be like the budding of the rose in early spring
blossom and flourish in the rays of the sun for a season, and
then with all its beauty and fragrance be like that portion of
the vegetable kingdom with which I was surrounded at the
approach of winter with away. I looked forward to the time of
my admission into the kingdom of God as the only chilling blast
that could possibly serve as an everlasting barrier between us,
and like the rose, the approach of autumn return back to its
native element.

While in this retired spot meditating on the prospects that
were before me, my solitude was broken by the approach of my
cousin, Serepta Alexander, who announced the arrival of my
brother John. With her, I hurried back to the house to see him
whom I had not seen for over three years and at the first
embrace, could not refrain from shedding tears at meeting a
brother whose life had been so dissimilar to mine. He had with
determined purpose gained for himself the riches of this world
which his hoarded thousands at this time abundantly indicated.
While I detailed in my romantic way my life during the past few
years, little did he think the future, or God, had a place in my
thoughts and that I delighted in the perusal of sacred and
profane history.

When in conversation with Uncle Jacob on the principles of
religion, he learned that the wild boy was a scriptorian, and
the old professor was far in the rear in point of argument which
naturally disappointed that worldly brother of mine. After we
had retired to rest, said he, "I fear you have become a Mormon."
I must acknowledge that this question somewhat startled me.
Although I had not as yet attached myself to the Church, I
plainly saw and experienced for myself the truth of that which I
had heard the elders of Israel bear testimony that as soon as
they embraced the gospel, they as a general rule were discarded
by all their near relatives and were looked upon as a deluded
fanatic, and that not one scriptural argument could be brought
forth to convince them. In view of this truth and in answer to
his question, I exclaimed, "Deliver me from lumbago and sour
wine." He asked me what I meant by that expression and I told
him that although I was not a Mormon, I plainly saw that the
followers of Christ in our day were like those of former times,
hated for Christ's sake and the testimony which they bore. I
further told him, "If I am to be despised for the principles of
religion which I advocate, I fear that our meetings will be few
and far between, for I never have been the lad to be in anyone's
way."

I continued visiting with my friends for about two weeks
and from the time of my brother John's and my separation at
grandfather's house we have never met again. At the present
time fifteen years have rolled away without my seeing him.

After my return to Kirtland I continued laboring on the
farm of C. G. Crary and extended the circle of my acquaintance
with the people. I also exerted my mental faculties in
searching out the principles of the gospel as taught by the
Latter-day Saints.

During the winter of 1841, I met with a serious accident
that fractured my skull in three places, dislocated my right
shoulder and also my left ankle. The cause was unknown to me.
I was confined to my bed from December 23 until April 13.
During most of that time, I suffered the most acute pain. My
acquaintances extended to me every mark of kindness within the
power of mortals to bestow. To this day my good feelings are
extended to one family of Mormons in particular, by the name of
Dixon, for their kindness to me in my time of distress.

At this time, I well knew what my convictions were with
regard to the truthfulness of Mormonism, yet I withstood and
refrained from yielding obedience to the gospel which long
before my better judgment had prompted me to obey. I had
withstood those divine principles as long as I dared and
preserved this mortal body above the ground. On April 12, I
made a covenant with God before one witness by the name of
Jeremiah Knight, that if he would raise me from this bed of
affliction, I would obey his gospel; and be it known to all who
may read these pages, that on the 13th of April, before alluded
to, I had received sufficient strength in the short space of
eight hours to harness and drive my own team three miles and be
it also remembered that from the time of the disaster, I had not
of myself sufficient strength to sit up in bed without the
assistance of others. My sudden restoration of health created
quite a sensation among the family of C. G. Crary, they being
staunch Presbyterians. But old Jeremiah could easily divine the
cause.

That season I continued my labors on the same farm enjoying
as good health as I ever did in my life. Many of the Saints
were curious to know why I did not join the Church after making
so solemn a covenant before God, and received the desired aid.
Yet strange to say such is the weakness of man and the
imbecility of youth, although day by day I would tremble at the
already procrastinated time; yet the evil traducer of man's best
interests was continually hedging up the way, and some vain
transitory pleasure was constantly before my eyes; also the
labors of the day and the increasing desire to gather around me
some of the riches of the world inserted themselves into my mind
and served as a barrier between men and the truth.

About June 20, 1842, I received a note requesting the
attendance of myself and lady to a ball to be given in Menter at
the home of Marvin Fisk on the 4th of July. In company with a
number of others, I, at the appointed time, set out to amuse
myself in the festivities of the day. We met at 10:00 a.m. and
in the afternoon rode to Painesville to take dinner. Being
among my associates, time passed off merrily. My joy increased
when I compared this day with the first few days I spent as an
exile three years ago.

Nothing transpired to disturb our peace until at the dinner
table, I observed a heavy-set man of a dark complexion casting
glances of malignant satisfaction at me. For a while I was
puzzled to find his proper place, but finally decided, and in it
was not mistaken. After I had conducted my lady to the sitting
room and returned to the bar for a cigar, I found the fellow
digging after me. Upon entering the room, said he, "Is your
name Belnap?" "Yes, sir," I replied, and "Is yours Chancy
Dewiliger?" Said he, "Yes, by God, it is, so now you know the
whole so prepare yourself." Then each of us stripped for the
onset, while the bystanders stared with amazement at our
singular introduction. He said, "Follow me," which I did, and
as he stepped from the door to the pavement with vengeance
beaming in my countenance and with clenched fist, I brought the
fellow to his knees and I followed up my hand to the best
possible advantage. He was not an able spectacle as many a
scratch and bruise on my person loudly testified. The contest
was longer and more fierce than I anticipated. Never did I want
more anxiously for a man to cry for help than I did him, yet
neither of us did at that time. At length we were parted by the
crowd. After washing myself and purchasing a new pair of
trousers and shirt, I concluded that I would not make a very
beautiful appearance in company, and I would save my partner the
mortification that her companion wore many a scratch and a black
eye, by returning home. One thing bore with more weight on my
mind than all others--I wanted him to bear the same news to his
father that his father bore to him from the city of Buffalo, and
I was determined he should if I had followed him to his place of
destination. As soon as possible I made arrangements for my
lady to be taken to the ballroom and from thence, home with her
brother.

All being gone, I was left to my own reflections, when
suddenly all the demons from the infernal regions seemed to
counsel me to take that which I could not restore. Having a
fruitful imagination I soon concluded upon a more mild but cruel
attack. I then walked the back streets to pass away the time
and avoid observation until sundown; then I returned to the
hotel. The landlord informed me that young Dewiliger wished to
speak to me. I asked him to tell him for me that I would see
him in the morning when he little expected it.

After rising in the morning, I found that I was very sore
about my chest which served to increase with redoubled energy my
mode of attack. After washing my body in strong brandy and
internally applying the same, I obtained some relief and at the
first ringing of the bell, I was ready for breakfast. I there
managed to seat myself opposite my antagonist. His grotesque
motions with his head in managing to see what he had on his
plate was truly laughable. A very little that morning satisfied
my appetite for food, then I slowly raised up and placing one
foot in the chair and the other in the middle of the table,
quick as though, I sent the poor fellow backward and before any
assistance could be rendered, he cried for help. Then I ceased
my hellish efforts and immediately commenced the recital of the
events that had transpired when I was a small boy and the scenes
that had followed relative to that occurrence up to that time.
And both proprietor and boarders accorded in the course that I
had pursued, after the inhuman treatment I had received from the
old man. In all my acquaintance with the family, I noticed that
cruelty seemed to be a prominent characteristic of the entire
family, and daily a deadly hatred continued to increase. From
the time of this last occurrence, I have not seen one of this
family.

After my last encounter with young Dewiliger, I returned
home and was confined to the house for several days with the
fever. When again I regained my former health, I wrote old man
Dewiliger a very impertinent letter, and another to Marshal
Stone setting forth the particulars of the encounter with Chancy
Dewiliger, together with the result, and requested him set forth
the truth of the matter to my old acquaintances. Thus far, this
incident has terminated a cruel strife engendered in early
youth, which I am in hopes will never be reasnimated
[reanimated], for at present, peace is a great blessing and
worthy of cultivation by man, which my experience for the last
few years has taught me to fully appreciate.

When once able to pursue my usual employment, the query
would often arise in my mind, "Shall I ever meet with any of
that family and those long pent-up occasions burst forth with
redoubled fury, and acts of cruelty and deeds of violence be
resorted to to satisfy the promptings of ambition so common to
humanity." At present, I feel that I had satisfied every wrong
that I had received, and concluded for the future to maintain
amicable relations with them as long as such maintenance was a
virtue, and if not, I resolved in my mind to prepare for the
worst, let it come in what shape it would.

This last tragedy served to prevent me for a season from
obeying the first principles of the Gospel, for I did not like
to go into the waters of baptism with marks of violence on my
person and stains of human blood on my garments, which I knew
was sure to become a topic of conversation with many an idle
gossip. Accordingly, day by day I pursued my labors on the old
farm waiting for the storm cloud to pass on. As far as my own
acts are concerned, I have a conscience void of offense
pertaining to that unfortunate family.

Yet there was a secret monitor within my breast that would
frequently warn me that delays were dangerous, and that I had
better fulfill the covenant I had made with my God in the
presence of one witness.

It is beyond the power of man to describe the contending
emotions of my soul at that time-- pride, pleasure, the speech
of people, my accumulating interests, the frowns of newly-found
relatives, and the appalling stigma attached to the word
Mormon--were all obstacles that my youthful mind could scarcely
surmount; and it was not until in solitude I unbosomed the
contending emotions of my soul to God that I found relief and
peace, and the gentle whisperings of the spirit of God prompting
me to forthwith obey the truth which on the next day I
determined to do. That night in my sleep, I frequently awoke
and found myself preaching the Gospel to different nations of
people.

Time passed on rapidly until the time arrived to prepare
for baptism. Sunday, September 11, 1842, was a time long to be
remembered by me for in the presence of a vast multitude of
saints and sinners, in company with William Wilson, I yielded
obedience to the Gospel, though long before this time, I had
been sensible that it was my duty to do so. Some tossed their
heads in scorn, while others found a friend and brother. In
these acts of derision, I was not disappointed for I had by
observation learned that fact long before. It may seem strange
to the unprejudiced reader why and how it is that in this
boasted land of liberty and equal rights where all men have the
constitutional right to worship God as best suits their own
feelings that this condition exists. Yet in the nineteenth
century, there is one class of people called Latter-day Saints
that by priest and people, governor and ruler, are denied this
estimable privilege. In the history of this Church, there is
abundant testimony to this fact which I shall have occasion to
refer to in relating my experiences.

After joining the Church, I strove with determined purpose
to keep the commandments of God. Accordingly, I deprived
myself of many amusements which before this time I had been an
extravagant participator in, and with full purpose of heart,
devoted my time and talents to the service of the Lord.
Although I was young and bashful in the expression of thought,
barren and unfruitful in the knowledge of God and unacquainted
with the principles of the Gospel, yet, having been ordained
under the hands of an apostle of God in the last days, I
determined to know of the restoration of the Gospel, and to
qualify myself to discharge the duties incumbent in a man of God
in proclaiming the same to the inhabitants of the earth. . . .

At length, the time appointed to start a new career in
life, and I bid adieu for a season the friends made dear to me
through association. Though I was accustomed to traveling,
never before was I dependent on the charity of a cold world for
my daily bread. Heretofore the few shining particles I carried
with me were sure to secure friendship. But now, how changed
the scene. After many fruitless attempts to secure shelter for
a single night from the chilling blasts of winter, I was many
times compelled to rest my weary limbs in some open shed or loft
of hay. Out there hungry and shivering, I would pour out my
soul to God.

Day by day we pursued our course preaching by the way as
opportunity would permit and the people came to hear. In many
places we were kindly received, doors were open and men of
understanding sought both in public and private to learn the
doctrines of the Latter-day Saints. While others for the sake
of controversy and the love of discord would intrude upon the
congregation by asking many discordant questions and when met by
simple truth and stern realities, were compelled to acknowledge
that one fact clearly demonstrated was worth ten thousand
theories and opinions of men.

At times discussion of this kind would prove of real
benefit but in other cases when the speaker for the people was
completely confounded and put to an open shame, a deep settled
prejudice which our own personal wants would fully realize, for
we had to contend with the prejudice of the ignorant, of the
learned.

While traveling one day, we drove up to the door of my
uncle, who a few months before had taken much pains to convince
me of the error of my ways. Unluckily he was not at home, being
absent in the discharge of his ministerial duties. I remained
in that neighborhood three days and three times in grandfather's
house preached to a crowded congregation, consisting principally
of my kin folks. During this time my comrade had continued his
travels to Evansville, New York, where I joined him after the
space of many days. While here, through indefatigable energy,
we baptized persons from a lukewarm state to a lively sense of
their duty. We organized a small branch of the Church by
ordaining Elisha Wilson an elder, and Charles Utley a priest and
Albert Williams a teacher. When we left there they were in
possession of many of the blessings of the Holy Spirit. . . .

. . . Our labors were principally confined to Steuben,
Livingston, Ontario, Genesee, Erie, Chautauqua, Cattaraugus and
Yates Counties until after the spring rains. Duty demanded that
one of us go to St. Lawrence County. The lot fell to me to
remain in our old field of labor. While my partner left to find
new associations, I remained in the regions round about until
the middle of the next summer when because of my health, I
returned home.

I had, in connection with my partner, baptized over seventy
persons. I am happy to say that at present several of the
Saints from that section of the country are now located in the
valleys of the mountains. . . .

I remained in this place and the surrounding country for
two months. I again met Elder John P. Greene on his way to
Nauvoo. From here, I returned to Kirtland and attended school,
taught by O. H. Hanson, and boarded with the family of Reuben
McBride.

Early in the spring of 1844, I helped to build two small
barns for T. D. Martindale and one for James Cower. They were
completed on the fifteenth of May. I set out for Nauvoo in
company with Elarson Pettingill and Henry Moore with Christopher
Dixon, wagoner, as far as Wellsville on the Ohio River, at which
place he returned back to Kirtland. We embarked on board the
steamboat Hehi, for St. Louis, Missouri.

I had not been on board long, when I learned there were
others belonging to the same faith as myself and bound for the
same place of destination. They, however, for the want of
means, would be compelled to stop in Cincinnati. I proposed to
pay their passage if they, after landing as soon as
circumstances would admit, would restore to me the amount that I
had expended for their benefit. I had in charge at that time
three tons of groceries donated toward the building of the
Nauvoo Temple, which I had found in store at Wellsville, and
under the direction of Lyman Wight, was to take them through.

On the first day of June, 1844, late in the evening, I
arrived in the delightful city of Nauvoo without a single cent
in my pocket. After securely storing the goods in the ward
house, I laid myself down to rest in the open air upon a naked
slab.

June, the second, early in the morning, I found myself on
the streets of Nauvoo, the evening before, Petingale
[Pettingill] had agreed to meet me at the residence of the
Prophet Joseph at nine A.M. Observing and reflecting upon
everything I saw and heard, I slowly pursued my course to the
mansion of the Prophet. That day passed away, and Petingale did
not appear. Morning came and went, and not one face that I had
ever seen before could I recognize as I walked the streets.

I viewed the foundation of a mighty [Nauvoo] temple with
the baptismal font resting on the backs of twelve oxen,
probably the first one built since the days of Solomon. I then
went to the stone cutters shop, where the sound of many
workmen's mallets and the sharpening of the smith's anvil all
bore the unmistakable evidence of a determined purpose to
complete the mighty structure.

I then returned to the mansion of the Prophet and after a
short conversation with the bartender, who I afterwards learned
was Oren Porter Rockwell, to my great satisfaction, I saw
Petingale [Pettingill] and five others about to enter the
building. After greeting my old friends heartily, I was
introduced to the Prophet, whose mild and penetrating glance
denoted great depth of tough and extensive forethought. While
standing before his penetrating gaze, he seemed to read the very
recesses of my heart. A thousand thoughts passed through my
mind. I had been permitted by the great author of my being to
behold with my natural eyes, a prophet of the living God when
millions had died without that privilege, and to grasp his hand
in mine, was a privilege that in early days, I did not expect to
enjoy. I seemed to be transfigured before him. I gazed with
wonder at his person and listened with delight to the sound of
his voice. I had this privilege both in public and private at
that time and afterwards. Though, in after years, I may become
cast away, the impression made upon my mind at this introduction
can never be erased. The feeling which passed over me at this
time is impressed upon me as indelibly and lasting as though it
were written with an iron pen upon the tablets of my heart. My
very destiny seemed to be interwoven with his. I loved his
company; the sound of his voice was music to my ears. His
counsels were good and his acts were exemplary and worthy of
imitation. His theological reasoning was of God.

In his domestic circle, he was mild and forbearing, but
resolute, and determined in the accomplishment of God's work,
although opposed by the combined powers of earth. He gathered
his thousands around him and planted a great city which was to
be the foundation of a mighty empire and consecrated it to God
as the land of Zion. At the same time, he endured the most
unparalleled persecution of any man in the history of our
country. Like one of old, the arms of his hands were made
strong by the hands of the mighty God of Jacob. With a mind
that disdained to confine itself to the old beaten track of
religious rites and ceremonies, he burst asunder the chains
which for ages past had held in bondage the nations of the
earth. He soared aloft and brought to light the hidden treasure
of the Almighty. He bid defiance to the superstitious dogmas
and the combined wisdom of the world and laid the foundation for
man's eternal happiness and revived the tree of liberty palsied
by the withering touch of Martin Van Buren.

Thus, the first few days of my residence in Nauvoo was
passed in forming new acquaintances, and greeting the old
friends I chanced to meet. I soon became a workman in the shop
of Thomas Moore and boarded at the home of John P. Greene.

I was frequently called out by the Prophet Joseph to the
performance of various duties. I did not regret the time spent
on such missions as I considered them schools of experience to
me. I will refer to one among many similar to it that I
performed in those days.

There was to be held a convention of anti-Mormons in
Carthage. I was required by the Prophet to form one of their
number. With a promise of my fidelity to God, he assured me
that not a hair of my head should fall to the ground, and if I
followed the first impressions of my mind, I should not fail in
the accomplishment of every object that I undertook. At times,
when all human appearance, inevitable destructions awaited me,
God would provide the means of escape.

When first I entered Carthage, I was interrogated by Joseph
Jackson, Mark Barns, and Singleton as to what business I had
there. I replied that I had business at the recorder's office.
They, being suspicious of deception, went with me to the office.
After examining the title of a certain tract of land, many
impertinent questions were asked me, which I promptly answered.
Then, a low-bred backwoodsman from Missouri began to boast of
his powers in the murder of men, women and children of the
Mormon Church and the brutal prostitution of women while in the
state of Missouri and that he had followed them to the state of
Illinois for that purpose. Without considering the greatness of
their numbers, I felt like chastising him for his insolence.
Just then, he made a desperate thrust at my bowels with his
hunting knife, which penetrated all my clothing without any
injury to my person. Nerved, as it were, with angelic power, I
prostrated him to the earth, and with one hand seized him by the
throat, and with the other drew his knife. Had not Jackson
grasped me by the arm between the hand and elbow, throwing the
knife many feet in the air, I should not deprived him of his
natural life. Although my antagonist was still insensible, the
prospects for my becoming a sacrifice to their thirst for blood
were very favorable. Had not Jackson and others interfered in
my behalf, it would have been so.

I afterward sat in council with delegates from different
parts of the country and secured the resolutions passed by that
assembly. I then returned in safety to Nauvoo, but not without
a close pursuit by those demons in human shape, uttering the
most awful imprecations, and bawling out to meet almost every
jump to stop or they would shoot. My greatest fear was that my
horse would fall under me. I thought of the instance of David
Patton administering to a mule which he was riding when fleeing
before a similar band of ruffians. I placed my hands on either
side of the animal and as fervently as I ever did, I prayed to
God that his strength might hold out in order that I might bear
the information which I had obtained to the Prophet. There were
no signs of failure in accomplishing this purpose until just
opposite the tomb. My horse fell on his side in the mud. This
seemed to be a rebuke for me for urging him on to such a
tremendous speed. We were entirely out of danger and covered
with mud by reason of the fall. I rushed into the presence of
the Prophet and gave him a minute detail of all that had come
under my observation during that short mission, whereupon W. W.
Phelps, then acting as notary public, was called in and my
deposition taken with regard to the movements of the people.
Daniel Carns was deputed to bear this information to the
governor, Thomas Ford.

The people of Carthage, being suspicious of more men being
sent as spies, waylaid the road and arrested Carns and took from
him the deposition. In this way, my real name was known among
the bitterest enemies of the Saints. This discovery subjected
me to many privations caused through continual persecution.
Before and after this time, frequent dissensions took place in
the Church and political factions arose. Willful
misrepresentations and calumny of the foulest kind were
circulated with untiring zeal among the uncouth and ignorant.
These, with writs of various kinds, were used to drag a man from
the bosom of his friends. The very elements seemed to conspire
against the Saints. That mighty engine, the press, with all its
powers of dissimilation, was arrayed against them. The public
arms were demanded in order to weaken the Saints' power to
resist when invaded. Every artifice was resorted to, to
accomplish the destruction of the Prophet.

When the storm cloud had lowered around the Prophet's head
and the contending emotions of the discordant political factions
surrounded him on every side, he set forth with determined
purpose to fill his mission in an acceptable manner before his
God and maintain the identity of the Saints. He upset the table
of the money changers and set aside the tippling shop. In the
fervency of his soul in connection with the common council, he
declared the Nauvoo Expositor Press a nuisance. The city
marshall, with a chosen band of men, fulfilled the decree of
that council and disabled that the mighty engine of knowledge
appropriated for the seduction of the Saints.

In the midst of these contending factions, it was as
impossible for the Saints to reason with the people as it was
for Paul to declare the glad tidings of a crucified Christ and a
risen Redeemer when the air was rent with the cry of "Great is
Diana of the Ephesians." Under existing circumstances, what was
to be done? How were we to correct the public mind? Our means
of giving information was very limited. We might as well
attempt to converse with the drunkard while he reels to and fro
under the influence of intoxicating poison, or lift up our voice
to the tumultuous waves of the ocean, or reason amidst the roar
of ten thousand chariots rushing suddenly along the pavement, as
reason with the people, for great was the universal cry,
"Mormonism is a delusion, phantom," and so forth.

At length the evil day appeared and the dark cloud burst
with fury over the Prophet's head. He appeared once more at the
head of his favorite [Nauvoo] legion. They, however,
surrendered the public arms and he gave himself a sacrifice for
the people. Well I remember his saying, referred to in the
latter part of the Doctrine and Covenants [D&C 135:4].
"Although I possessed the means of escape yet I submit without a
struggle and repair to the place of slaughter." Where he said
he would yet be murdered in cold blood.

I saw the forms of court and heard the many charges against
him which were refuted by plain and positive testimony. After
this, he was committed to jail upon false accusation and myself
and others lodged there with him.

During the time of his mock trial, he received the promise
of protection from Thomas Ford, then governor of the state, and
that he would go with him to Nauvoo. The governor went to that
place without fulfilling this promise.

After his departure, the few Saints that were left in
Carthage were expelled at the point of the bayonet, not,
however, until the Prophet, from the jail window, exhorted them
for the sake of their own lives to go home to Nauvoo. I well
remember those last words of exhortation, and the long and
lingering look on the den of infamy for I did not consider that
safe with such a guard. Thus, the Prophet, his brother Hyrum,
Willard Richards, and John Taylor were left alone in the hands
of those savage persons.

The afternoon previous to the martyrdom, we hurried to
Nauvoo to announce the coming of the Prophet as was agreed by
the governor [Thomas Ford]. But with him came not the beloved
Prophet which soon convinced the people that treachery of the
foulest kind was at work. This cowardly, would-be-great man
tried his best to intimidate the people. It was with
difficulty, however, that some few could be restrained from
making sad havoc among his troops. Had the Saints known the
extent of his treachery, I am of the opinion that Nauvoo was of
short duration, for well he knew the deep designs against the
Prophet's life.

On his return to Carthage, he met George D. Grant bearing
the sad news of the slaughter at the jail, whereupon the
cowardly curse arrested Grant and took him back to Carthage in
order to give himself time to escape. Thus, the distance of
eighteen miles was travelled over three times before the
sorrowful news of the Prophet's death reached his friends.

In the afternoon of June 26th, the mournful procession
arrived bearing the mangled bodies of the Prophet and the
Patriarch and Elder John Taylor. Although the latter still
survived, he mingled his with the best blood of the century.
Willard Richards escaped without a hole in his garment. Their
bodies were placed in a commodious position and the assembled
thousands of Saints gazed in mournful silence on the faces of
the illustrious dead.

While penning these few lines, tears of sorrow still
moisten my cheeks and I feel to hasten to the recital of other
events.

At this time, many of the Twelve Apostles and the principle
elders of the Church were absent on missions. As soon as
possible when they heard of the awful tragedy, they returned
home to Nauvoo. Truly the state of affairs was lamentable. A
whole people were apparently without a leader and like a vessel
on the boisterous ocean, without a helm.

In a few days, Sidney Rigdon arrived from Pittsburgh and
set up his claims as guardian of the Church. Diversities of
opinion prevailed among the people. In a meeting of the Saints,
Brigham Young, then president of the Quorum of the Twelve, from
a secluded retreat, appeared on the stand. There, in plainness
and simplicity, he proved himself by ordination from the
Prophet to be his legal successor. This is confirmed by Orson
Hyde and other members of the Twelve.

After the above demonstration of facts, Rigdon appeared no
more in public to vindicate his claims for guardianship, but by
secret meetings and private counsels, strove to gain his point.
Notwithstanding his power of eloquence, he loaded himself with
eternal infamy and returned in disgust to Pittsburgh, leaving a
firm conviction in the minds of the Saints that he completed his
own ruin.

After this, the Saints enjoyed a short respite from cruel
strife but not without an almost endless drain of their
substance by continued suits at law imposed on them by the
ungodly. With united efforts, however, they strove to complete
the [Nauvoo] temple of worship which they desired to do if
permitted by their enemies. Should they not complete the
temple, the Saints, according to the revelations of God [D&C
124:30-33], were to be rejected together with their dead, but
thanks to God, their work was acceptable and many were permitted
to receive their endowments.

Again, because of the prosperity of the Saints, the fire of
persecution was kindled in the summer of 1845, and the blaze of
torment was applied to many a house and sack of grain, and whole
settlements were driven into Nauvoo, destitute of the comforts
of life and some were shot down in the presence of their
families and everything they had consumed by fire.

This state of affairs continued to grow worse until the
leaders, in order to preserve the identity of the Church, were
compelled to endorse articles of agreement to leave the country
as soon as possible.

In the month of February, 1846, the western shore of the
Mississippi was covered with the companies of the Saints. Some
had covers drawn over their wagons while others had only a sheet
drawn over a few poles to make a tent. Sometimes these rude
tents were the only covering for the invalid forms of the
unfortunate. Many was the time, while keeping the watchman's
post in the darkness of the night when the rains descended as
though the windows of heaven were open, have I wept over the
distressed condition of the Saints. Toward the dim light of
many a flickering lamp have my eyes been directed because of the
crying of children, the restless movements of the aged, infirm
and mournful groan of many suffering from fever. These have
made an impression on my mind which can never be forgotten. . .
.