I posted my last blog entry on January 1st, the night after Matt proposed to Emilie (which was 3 days after Matt proposed to Me and Jimmy). It was a timely piece about negotiating New Year’s Resolutions with one’s spouse. A few days went by, as I busied myself assembling my “Wedding Planner’s Notebook,” flipping through Bridal Magazines and researching local vendors. Blog-wise, I was just biding my time. There was not a doubt in my mind that OUR FIRST WEDDING was going to provide post-after-endless -post of fodder for the blog. Certainly, this Ginger would be snapping left and right – then leaping into the blogosphere to rant to The Followers….

About a week later, the moment that I had been waiting for finally arrived. The family had just gotten home from church and a lovely lunch, when Jimmy said to me,

“Meet me in the office, I’ve made a few decisions about the wedding, I want to discuss with you…”

An uncomfortable silence permeated the air, as the kids made worried eye contact. They know from experience, that when Daddy says, “Lets go talk in the office,” it can’t be good…

I, however, chose to view this situation as a bad news-good news scenario. On the one hand, I definitely did not expect a positive outcome from this meeting, which I was certain was going to be an attempt on Jimmy’s part to set some budgetary constraints on OUR FIRST WEDDING. But, on a positive note – I definitely felt a blog coming on!

Setting all thoughts of the blog temporarily aside , I steeled myself for the “Talk.” As I have mentioned in previous posts, I am a seasoned wife and no stranger to the various battlefields of a bliss-filled marriage. Strategy is essential. I immediately realized I was at a huge disadvantage having this conversation in the office. This is a “right-brain” room, filled with computers, Christmas bills awaiting payment, tax files and other detritus of “reasonable and responsible living.” Advantage Jim.

Personally, if given the option, I would’ve selected a different VENUE (check out my new wedding vocabulary) for us to have a talk concerning the wedding budget. The office, surrounded by somber reminders of reckless Christmas living (excessive celebration) and the looming April 15th tax deadline, is not going to cast Yours Truly/The Wedding Planner in the most favorable light. Surely, there are other rooms in the house where I could gain more leverage. Disadvantage Leslie.

Reluctantly, I walked into the office. He was seated, so I decided to stand, having once read that you can overpower someone psychologically if they’re seated and you loom over them. I attempted to loom. That’s when I was I was completely blindsided by a man I’ve been married to for 30 years and actually thought I knew….

These are the words Jimmy spoke:

“Emilie is such a wonderful girl. She’s done everything we’ve ever asked her to do. I’m proud of her. I want you to make this wedding nice. Let’s give her a beautiful wedding! Whatever y’all want!”

Now- people have been warning me for years that blasting rock music from my Ipod directly into my eardrums was going to seriously impair my hearing abilities one day, but What the Hell is this man saying? I eyed him suspiciously waiting for the rest….I could not have been more ill-prepared for what he said next….

Jimmy -“You can’t take it with you!”

Me- “You can’t take it with you????”

Jimmy – “yeah, you know…you can’t take it with you!”

Me- “What does that even mean? Who even are you?”

I CAN’T WORK IN THESE CONDITIONS!

To make matters even worse, I’ve been semi-abandoned by my very own Mother, Grandma of The Bride…
When I discuss wedding plans with her, she pauses, tones down her opinions, carefully measures her words, and says weird, unacceptable things like,

Doris -“You have exquisite taste, dear, I’m sure that will be lovely”

Me – “Mom?”

No warnings about obvious pitfalls? No lectures on etiquette? She’s just going to sit there in Dallas, letting me barrel forward unchecked, wantonly selecting color palettes on my own, doing God-only-knows-what kind of irreparable damage to her granddaughter’s wedding, without her guidance?

If all that wasn’t bad enough, I have to deal with MY BRIDE…
When I email THE BRIDE pictures of dress designs and floral inspirations, she emails me right back, “Yes to the dress and Okay to the bouquet!”

I SIMPLY CAN NOT WRITE UNDER THESE CONDITIONS!!

Where’s my Brideszilla? Been hearing about those brides forever. Where’s my tightwad husband – The Businessman? Been dealing with him my whole life. For crying out loud, where the Hell is The Real Doris?

I was counting on them to frustrate this process, rain on my parade daily and give me mountains of 2015 writing material. I can’t plan a wedding and write a blog without some help from my nearest and dearest….