Letters I'll Never Send

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I act as though I can’t stand you. That I don’t want any contact with you. Pretend to my friends that I’m over you that I never want anything to do with you, but secretly if I thought I could be with you again I would jump at the chance. That isn’t an option though because I can’t trust myself around you. You were the only one with the potential to break my heart had I let you in. I may have only been an attempt to get another notch on the bedpost to you, but to me you were it. You were the one that ticked all the boxes that I wanted to be with far into the distance that is the future, But that clearly wasn’t the case with you, seeing as how it was my best friend that you really wanted to be with. So even though I was only second best to you, you had the potential to be everything to me. You made me feel in a way that no other could and you still do. I compare every potential guy in my life to you, and when I think I’m getting close to finding somebody else you surprise me with a new talent which only makes me start to fall in love with you a little more just as I think I may be finally getting over you. I want you now just as much as I did then and if I thought there was a chance that you were still interested in me and wanted to seriously give it a chance, I would seize that opportunity with both hands and never let it go until the time came when you did eventually break my heart. Because with you that would be inevitable, behind all your bravado and cockiness is someone that is very vulnerable and afraid to let someone in. I know because I was that person and I just wish that you just couldv’e let me in that little bit more because then I couldv’e shown you that everything that you thought she could be I could be more for you.

Adieu and see you soon even if I think it could slowly drive me insane but it is unavoidable. And I have yet to figure out if that is a good or bad thing
xx