So who was is he and how did he land the number
two slot in the Vatican. Well, it seems he was an old clerical buddy of Joseph Ratzinger,
going back to when they both worked and patrolled the dark corridors of "The Doctrinal
Congregation in Rome." (You may remember it however, under its old pet name as the
dreaded "Holy Office," that spawned the terrible "Spanish Inquisition," which saw
over 50 million innocent victims murdered for refusing to convert to Roman Catholicism.)

As the previous cardinal of the Gerona diocese he would
frequently be wheeled out to put forwards the Vatican's current views on controversial
issues such as cloning. Of this he said: "The church is opposed to cloning...but might
change its attitude if Sophia Loren could be cloned," and there speaks a red blooded
heterosexual Italian man, it seems!

On Islam: "The Pontiff esteems Muslims because they adore the
only God." Never mind that they openly reject Christ as the Son of God, delegating
Him to the role of minor prophet and certainly not as the only Saviour and God of
the world!

On the IMF lending to poor countries, "it should be declared illegal."
Now Bono I know would support that current idea-no not the dog food of the same name,
although I have heard of cats acquiring a lasting taste for its meaty flavour, no
Bono the Irish singer. You know him with the shades from U2.

On the Da Vinci Code: "It [the novel] tries to discredit the church.
The feminine element is present in all the Gospels." Now what does he mean by that?
Sounds like closet feminism to me. And naturally he defends
Opus Dei. Sadly ignoring its blossoming world power and wealth. However,
his greatest love it seems is being a part time soccer correspondent, both on radio
and TV. Now I wonder, which team he supports perhaps, the Vatican Wanderers? But seriously
friends, there will be no football in Hell or any other sport! But
maybe like his previous boss he's a closet-cat lover. And I wonder, which breeds his
favourite: Siamese or Persian.

Incidentally the former pope it seems has a way of charming feline
cats with reports from a member of his family that in visits to cemeteries (?) a dozen
or so mogggies would follow him out of the gate, listening to his every word! Once
the Swiss Guards also noticed stray cats following the pope into St. Peters Sq, very
strange if you ask me.

But on a more serious note, Secretary of States come and go, including
popes.

Now remember the words of the Lord in Matthew 24:35:

"Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass
away."

All world diplomats need to pause and consider these important
timeless words. I suggest now!

In conclusion, Bertone has now retired with ample time to consider
all of the sexual cover-ups that he was involved with, on orders from two popes.

Update: 2.6.14

According to reliable sources the
79-year-old cardinal is looking forward to move into a spacious prepared penthouse
that overlooks the city sights; nice work if you can get it.

Seems the pope is up in arms about
this info but again these men live in another world don't they; surrounded by pomp
and pageantry.

There were strong rumours of the former
Secretary of State being investigated for lucrative money laundering recently, so
he may have to swap this "pad" for a cell in the Regina Coeli Prison.

We will bring further updates when
they arrive, so watch this space.

Update:
18.10.13

The new Secretary of State, Peter Parolin, somehow
missed the Vatican handover yesterday, due to "some minor surgery being performed"
on him. So out goes the Bertone era of sexual cover-ups, lucrative money laundering
and in comes the former nuncio to Venezuela. Not an auspicious start we suggest
in these end times, for this fallen world.

Update: 3.9.13

The newly
appointed Archbishop Peter Parolin, an Italian, will step into Bertone's shoes and
occupy his desk on October 15th, it is announced. As a Vatican
insider, the 58-year-old has been in involved with Vatican foreign affairs, having
seen service in Nigeria, Mexico and Venezuela. Of interest to us is his previous trips
to North Korea and Vietnam, which just shows the Vatican can still cosy up to unfriendly
godless Marxist regimes. He had also offered his concern in seeking a non-nuclear
free weapons zone. This rather sounds like CND talk to me. Sadly what the Archbishop
does not know is that there is coming soon a nuclear spiritualwar
that will make Hiroshima look like a mad haters tea party.

When the Lord returns His destination
with not be Rome, but Jerusalem!