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My Dreams for the Future of Xbox, come E3 ’13

Since this is going to be my first public post I’m not keen on getting into heavy opinions or radical ideas. Believe me when I say that I have them and I’ll get to them later. I’m a master of rubbing people the wrong way and I’ve come to terms with that. Tonight I’m feeling like starting off with a rant about Microsoft. Before you get all hot-under -the-collar, remember that I warned you that I am a master at rubbing people the wrong way. Late last year (about two months ago) I read an article stating that Microsoft may be killing off their entertainment division if sales don’t improve with Windows 8 and the Windows phone. Their entertainment division includes Xbox and their Windows phones but is not limited to that. Now, let me explain to you why this is a bad thing for me and what pisses me off the most about this. I am one of the apparently few patrons of this division as I even own and cherish a now very valuable Zune HD, Xbox (I still play it), Xbox 360. Not to mention that I renew my Gold membership every year, despite the fact that most of the games are playable on the PSN for free. See, I’m a huge fan of the products which are a result of the entertainment section of Microsoft. I also, however, have developed a severe distaste for the heart of the company, their computers! Unfortunately it seems, just like everybody else feels the same way considering that majority of Windows users just upgraded from XP to 7 in 2012, and won’t pay a dime to upgrade their expensive Office package (I’m guilty of using Open Office, I admit it!).

seriously wtf is this shit on my desktop?!

I understand why so few want to use Windows Vista, Windows 7, and now especially Windows 8. I’ve never hated Vista with a passion but the interface of 8 is fucking stupid for my brand new HP Envy, for lack of a better word. My laptop is a gift which my boyfriend thoughtfully bought me for Christmas and I love it… except for the small hiccup that is its entire interface. Since the demise of my cheap Acer I had been using his Mac and not using my PC games. The major issue I’ve found by using 8 ineffectively for about 2 months now are as follows: It changes screens for no freaking reason, it holds apps on the side when I only need them on my fucking desktop screen! I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING TOUCH SCREEN MICROSOFT, GIVE ME THE OPTION TO NOT OPERATE AS IF I DO PEACEFULLY AND EFFECTIVELY, PLEASE! It still, after years of just about everybody fighting Microsoft on this, it beats me over the fucking head with Norton notifications warning me to delete my AVG Free. Despite what everyone tells me… it’s not that much faster than my older computers which ran XP and Vista. I’m tempted to downgrade but I’m afraid that it will continue to reflect badly on my dear company that still makes a fantastic gaming system. I not only love Xbox for Gears, Hal0, and Live. Actually, I hope that they launch a handheld so I can take my gaming on the go legally! I’m the kind of person that will gladly pay for a quality product even if a free version is available. I buy music, movies, and games; granted that they are worth my money. I’d love to not have Halo on my jail-broken PSP henceforth allocating the royalties to Bungie and Micrsoft respectively. However, it’s just not possible because it’s just not an option.

Imagine CoD on-the-go which isn’t total crap! Imagine Halo! GoW!

Yeah, you read that right! I would love an Xbox handheld, and frankly I think it would do better than the Windows phone… or the Vita while we’re at it. Don’t get all flustered, this is just a random internet blog and I’m just one person with an opinion, but I hold firm in my pledge that I’d buy the system at launch just to give them numbers. I did that for the Zune too and well, we know how that turned out. I’ve been holding out for a good Microsoft handheld for the better half of a decade at least and as time presses on my hope seems to dim. I have an unhealthy attachment to handheld consoles and an even unhealthier distaste for Apple in general. Not because I’m a rebel who hates hipsters or because I have some chip on my shoulder for Chinese sweat shops either. I just think that it’s not enough usefulness and enjoyment for what they charge. I find competitive products that do just as much to meet my expectations and needs, for much less money. They are robbing us blind and blatantly repackaging products for astronomical prices. E.g. the iPad Mini… seriously what the hell is the point of that? I get it, it’s smaller than an iPad and bigger than a iTouch… but what else? I’m not exactly sure why they are so marginally more successful than Microsoft, and I don’t care. Throw your money away on Apple and I’ll keep throwing mine at Microsoft.

I just wish that Microsoft would take the focus away from Office and Windows interfaces and put it where the money clearly is… Entertainment. The Xbox is not dead, and hopefully E3 this year will lead to innovating the world of video games and general entertainment with more than another clunky console pushing the limits of graphics and MMOs. I want a curve ball to be thrown, I want a handheld. If not now, 2014 will do. Don’t let Sony scare you Mr. Gates, I doubt that I’m the only one who wants this! Can you imagine being able to live the feeling of chainsawing Locust scum while riding the bus or in the backseat of any vehicle you choose? Can you imagine the syncability of the Zune and all of its social possibilities that weren’t realized!? The movers and shakers of the video game world have been working on online-on-the-go play for some time now. Wireless is just about everywhere and the time for realization is approaching on the horizon! I can’t wait for the rest of you to be on board with me on the sheer awesomeness that is portable gaming! I don’t know how you feel, but I prefer to shotgun zombies in the sunlight on a park bench to the confines of my own room any spring day. I prefer heroism and challenging platform levels to listening to the same songs I’ve heard before any day of the week. Perhaps I’m a little too early for this boat. Perhaps, I’m just a silly dreamer who doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Whatever the facts are it is needless to say that I would like to see this conversation continue. SO START TALKING, START TYPING!

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Coiled Rose

Blogger at coiledrose.wordpress.com. The
Product Manager & Chief Operating Officer over at Another Castle. A Writer & Editor for Ladies of the Roundtable. Contributor to Aggressive Comix, Attack of the Fanboy, and so many more!