Persons residing on the west coast of North America should IMMEDIATELY begin preparing for another possible onslaught of dangerous atmospheric radiation from the Fukushima nuclear disaster site in Japan. The Tokyo Electric Power Company (TEPCO) says radioactive steam has suddenly begun emanating from previously exploded nuclear reactor building #3 at the Fukuishima disaster Husband found this News Flash yesterday and sent a panic email to Mom and Brother. Nothing like a warm and fuzzy email from their Son-in-Law/Bro-in-Law to brighten their holiday spirit.

To sum up Husband's email: the Japanese nuclear plant is melting down and California is going to get it. Husband posted the link on Facebook after warning my family. And then Husband spent the evening wondering why no one had ‘liked’ his post or responded to his post or shared his post. Um, perhaps because this is the same guy who would check in with the earthquake tracker every time he felt the earth move and then warn folks there had been a tremor - no matter how small - and yet, he never once assembled an earthquake kit. He even suggested what types of masks Mom and Bro should buy and where they should go in the event of a meltdown – like he was a professional doomsayer. (FYI spell check corrected my ‘doomsdayer’ to ‘doomsayer’ and I went with it. Why fight it when the world is ending?) Anyway, back to California melting and falling into the ocean - Mom wore a pink mask for a few years during her treatment for lymphoma. I’m sure, if this plant melting was indeed to happen, she would pull that sucker out, strap it on and hunker down in her house worrying about her plants and trying to figure out how to get masks on her turtles, Newton and Yertle. Heck, trying to figure out how to get them out of the pond and inside her bathtub – a lovely visual. Brother might have to actually go out and buy one but, by the time he decides to take this warning from Husband seriously, they’d be out of good masks and he’d likely be relegated to the white dust masks in the hardware store. Then he and Sister-in-Law would likely have a party – an end of the world party that all his friends and neighbors would come to. He’s that cool. After our tornado warning last week, I’ve actually managed to assemble some of the items I should have in our shelter in case of a tornado. I’ve even managed to clear out some of the boxes from the place we’d shelter – seeing as last week, I moved my le Corbusier Chaise lounge into the basement and hung out on it while checking Facebook for updates. I haven’t found a helmet that will fit over my top fro and I haven’t braved the spider webs and bug carcasses to clear a space to sit in our shelter should we need to. But I do have water and enough tiny Band-Aids to cover minor scratches and bumps. I also have matches and tea lights so atmosphere wise, I’m covered. Husband and I can crouch on the dark cold cement holding each other and cooking spiders in the romantic light of our tiny candles... Yea, I might have to go shopping for a few more things; perhaps some canned food, a flashlight and a mask or two, seeing as how the world is going to end. It’s a perfect time to do it. It’s not like anything else is happening today, right?

The after Birthday/Christmas/Birthday blues hit me yesterday. I’m also fighting the head cold becoming a sinus infection. And I kind of zipped through a pedestrian walkway on the way to work, not seeing the blindish man and his dog waiting to cross. In my defense, the sun was in my eyes and the street was wet so there was no recognizable crosswalk and the sign saying there was one was rightwherehewasstanding and I couldn’t stop in time. Anyway, Sunday. Blerg. AND THEN I GOT HOME TO AWESOME! Husband’s friend came over and helped him finish up bits of drywall in the ceiling AND then stayed to do the first layer of spackle over the screw holes. If this sounds like nothing, you’ve never done a DIY project with your partner. You’ve never had arguments about the quality of your spackling, the fact that you’re doing a sloppy job on purpose and then been fired half way through. Husband’s friend, “Bob”, saved me a grumpy afternoon and saved Husband a week or more of a very bitchy wife. So, instead of discussing the merits of up and down verses sideways applications of spackle, and the fact that I “missed a spot here and here and here…” I spent the afternoon dismantling our pitiful display of Christmas and trying to pack everything back into the boxes they came out of. Without fail, they never go back into the same box. Never. Why is that? Why can I get the reindeer out of the same box as the ceramic Santa’s and they refuse to get back in three weeks later. The only explanation is the same one I’m experiencing with my pants – too much cake. Frustrated, I had to buy another box for stuff that wouldn't fit and try and get everything into that. I quit before taking the lights off the tree. It's too depressing to take them off at night. THEN AN EVEN MORE AWESOME THING HAPPENED! Robin Roberts came out. That's not the awesome part - though I'm very happy for her. The awesome part is what my friend posted on my Facebook page: Now that Robin Roberts has come out. How will it affect ej's free drink situation in Nashville. And then another friend posted this: I, too, came to comment on your recently announced lesbianism. I see I was already beaten to the punch. And my Birthday/Christmas/Birthday/Sunday/DIY blues turned into to sunshine. Yea for Robin Roberts and yea for me for having the good sense to have all these lovely friends with twisted senses of humor. (Read this if none of this makes any sense.) And now Monday... and the last two days of the year/EIGHT to TEN DAYS left till kitchen is installed and we still have to spackle, sand, paint, lay floor, varnish floor three times and have countless discussion about my techniques and Husband’s attitude. What wonders will the day bring me and my spackler thing...?

I love craigslist. I love all the hope and possibilities in the missed connections, the random job postings, the grandiose descriptions of garden furniture and houses and services. Every so often, I go trolling on Craigslist for something, like a file cabinet, and end up getting distracted by something else. I spend time scrolling through listings and wondering, how are they expecting to fill a position or who would accept a position with the obscure titles they have listed - Need a change? Like a beachside office? Of course! Who doesn’t want a beachside office? But when you click on the link, and it tells you that there’s NO HYPE! NO BULL! And it’s possible to make $1,000 to $3,200 per week, how realistic is that job going to be? Last night is an example; this was the first listing under part-time jobs: Fashion Model and Girl Friday (West Nashville)I am looking for an experienced female fashion model both in runway and fashion shows. Minimum requirement is a four-year college degree from an accredited university. You must have a current US passport and be able to travel. I am looking for someone who is beautiful both inside and out and has a strong work ethos. You should be able to converse on many different levels of high society as well as award shows and the music industry. I do not want drama queens or individuals with issues that can interfere with job performance. Please submit a current resume with a professional photograph taken with in the last two weeks. You will be subject to a background check and drug test. I will start interviewing on January 6, 2014. If you are selected for an interview you will be contacted. • Location: West Nashville • This is a part-time job. • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offersI have some of the qualifications requested; I’ve never been a fashion model in both runway and fashion shows, but I do have a current US passport and I have a strong work ethos and I can hold my own at parties. He doesn’t specify if whether those conversations on different levels of high society need to not be inappropriate stories about embarrassing things that have happened to me and my lady bits. I am thinking of applying for this job. The job listing is so vague and it's in my neighborhood, I feel like my odds are good.

I’m kidding.

I feel like if this dude is this unrealistic about what he’s going to get, he deserves to have a drama queen like me with issues showing up.

I’m also totally curious about a few things:

One: Who has a professional photograph taken unless they are a model actress type? I assume he's not asking for engagement photos or wedding photos or DMV photos. So if you’re a model actress type, of course you have a professional photograph. Stupid point. Is it code for 'professional naked photo’ and, if so, why does a Girl Friday need to be naked?

Which brings me to my next question - Two: What kind of ‘part time’ job is this? It says Girl Friday but I’m seeing nothing that says what that job will be. Yes there are qualities he’d like in a woman and yes, he’s asking for someone with a college degree but to do what exactly? I mean, my mind is going nuts with possibilities here. And yes, of course I’ve gone right to High Class Hooker or Call Girl to the Stars but perhaps it’s a spy like Alias style. That description totally could have fit Jennifer Gardner’s character on Alias, running around in tiny dresses stealing important documents and saving the world... maybe?

Husband says the job is for an Escort – and then suddenly we are in a discussion about what an Escort is verses a Call Girl. Not gonna lie, the discussion got a little weird. Neither of us has any real experience in the subject but both of us have "friends of friends" who do. And then there was a discussion about who these friends of friends were and what they did with the Escort verses Call Girl. And yes, one of the "friends of friends" was an ex-boyfriend of mine and yes, the "escort" was just a street hooker that did her business in the back alley of a bar, and yes, there was a little crying while I told this story which led to a lot of giggling and serious snorting which led to full out belly-gut laughter...

Good times with Craigslist listings.

I still don't have a file cabinet so back onto Craigslist I go. Might be worth another story. Or, at the very least, a good time for someone...

I have this awesome friend who used to make me gifts like a pillow case with my name in sparkly letters or this pair of earrings.

She’d give them too me and tell me that I couldn’t wear them or use them or show them to anyone. ANYONE! I never ‘used’ the pillowcase – solely because it was covered in glitter and sequins and those are a bitch to get out of my hair but I did display it in my 'office'. And I wear these every year on my birthday. They make me laugh. Especially when folks figure out they say my name. Spending the day laughing thanks to her and all my friends and family like her. Life is short. Live it at 100%.

This is our Christmas card. In BOLD is a Brad Paisley song title. I'm pretty proud of myself for this one - even though the ones I managed to send out had spelling errors. But then, it wouldn't be me if it didn't. The neat thing - the Nashville thing - is that we know the songwriter of one of these songs. Love it here! Happy Everything Everyone!

A Year in Song: as told in Brad Paisley song titles Because THIS IS COUNTRY MUSIC and everyone speaks in song (titles) here. Last year Husband asked ej and Tigger the Dog to MAKE A MISTAKE WITH ME and move to Nashville. Everyone was worried it was TOO COUNTRY for the both of us, ‘that we would be leaving the BEST THING I HAD GOIN’, but we didn’t mind getting a little MUD ON THE TIRES. And so, after a lovely BON VOYAGE from friends and family at our DEPARTURE party, off we went to live ONE OF THOSE LIVES. Now we live in the SOUTHERN COMFORT ZONE and there AIN’T NOTHIN’ LIKE IT. In fact, since meeting each other ONLINE we’ve never felt so OFFICIALLY ALIVE - even though we can’t buy our ALCOHOL or CORNOGRAPHY in a grocery store. We have learned to love CAMOUFLAGE, THOSE CRAZY CHRISTIANS, FAMOUS PEOPLE and the ACCIDENTAL RACIST. We do not, however, love TICKS. Nashville is MORE THAN JUST THIS SONG and CELEBRITY. Husband has gone from just saying, I HOPE THAT’S ME to working on being OUTSTANDING IN OUR FIELD and ej is writing and trying to keep Tigger the Dog from playing in TWO FEET OF TOPSOIL and making a mess IN THE GARDEN. Please don’t just think, I’M GONNA MISS HER or him or we’ll stay FACEBOOK FRIENDS. We aren’t that far away from you so please, pick up your TIN CAN ON A STRING and call, send a LETTER TO ME, or better yet, COME ON OVER TONIGHT. Bring your TOOTHBRUSH, we can sing a WHISKEY LULLABY and make a NEW FAVORITE MEMORY. Wherever you are and whoever you’re with, enjoy the LITTLE MOMENTS and LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL. ~ love, laughter and music to you and yours from ej, Husband and Tigger the Dog (Try as we might, we couldn’t work in ODE DE TOILET. You’re welcome!)