Cameron tells youth ‘Earn, learn or inherit £30m fortune’

In a bold policy move, David Cameron’s speech at the Conservative conference revealed that the government is considering plans to cut benefits for those under 25. “There are still over a million young people not in education, employment, or rich families,” said Cameron. “We’ve got to change that. I want to see everyone under 25 earning, learning, or inheriting a £30m fortune.”

“Some people might say that being born into a rich family is only for the lucky few, but that couldn’t be more wrong,” Cameron continued. “You need no qualifications or merit of any kind – even a foetus can do it! Or half the Cabinet. The fact that the majority of under-25s today haven’t managed it is testament to the poverty of ambition among young people today. And poverty of wealth, too. That’s just poverty, I guess.”

Research has shown that people under 25 are the demographic best suited to cope with recession, due to their lack of investment portfolios or savings that could be damaged by the economic downturn. “They don’t even have jobs to lose!” said one Conservative MP. “Talking about an appalling work ethic though – before I was born I’d earned more money than most of them combined.”

As the audience rose to give him a standing ovation, Cameron added, “We need to encourage young people not to rely on anyone else, except for their parents and dead ancestors.”