Ike Davis

On Saturday, Michael Conforto was demoted to the minors. Ouch. Not only did he fall far from preseason expectations, but he seemed to be breaking out in April. Coming out of April, he had 4 HRs and a .365 average. In May and June, he hit .169 and .119 and, finally, the Mets threw in the towel just as Conforto’s head was bouncing on the canvas. Shame, isn’t it? Not a shame, a product of not being able to hit. I’m sure he’ll be back at some point, but you can drop him in all but the deepest dynasty leagues. In his place came, Brandon Nimmo. Okay, let’s get them out of the way up front. The Mets are finding Nimmo in a sea of prospects. The Mets aren’t finding Drury because he’s on a different team. Is Nimmo the Mets’ outfield fixar? That’s a clown fish question, bro. Nimmo’s minor league numbers look dynamite, but that’s because he was playing in the PCL, which is like playing on the moon with an aluminum bat. He had five homers, five steals and a .331 average. That seems to be his profile more or let’s be generous, maybe 10/15/.280. Sounds downright Lagaresque. Outside of deep mixed leagues and NL-Only, I’d ignore for now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jake McGee hit the DL with a sprained MCL. Damn, 1150 was a very bad year for him. Wait, a new closer that no one owns is up for grabs! When this news broke, I was sitting in a French cafe, wearing a beret to the side, flicking a Virginia Slim 120 like a French baller. I immediately looked for Carlos Estevez, but he was gone. Then I looked for Jason Motte — gone! Then I looked for Boone Logan — there! So, I grabbed him, then I wept quietly. Was I really picking up the guy third down the SAGNOF totem for the Rockies? I’m such a pitiful save vulture. Get some dignity, man, you’re better than this, you’re rocking a beret and a Virginia Slim 120! After Saturday’s game, Walt Weiss announced Estevez would be the closer, so now, even more pitifully, I will be dropping Boone Logan, who got me a cheap vulture save on Sunday due to Estevez being used too many days in a row. That’s like the fantasy baseball walk of shame. Everyone who sees you drop the guy that doesn’t get the closer job knows full well that you desperately tried to make the wrong guy work. Now I have to pick up and drop twelve other guys to bury my move. The fantasy baseball shame cycle! As for Estevez, his outings will be like brother Emilio — short. His performances may be like brother Charlie’s relationships — rocky. Unlike his father, Martin, he will not be starring in an awful Netflix series canoodling with the DA from Law & Order. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

The Red Sox signed David Price to a seven-year deal for $217 million. MFW I heard. I get that half goes to the government, and ten percent goes to his lawyer, and ten percent goes to his agent, and ten percent goes to his business manager, and ten percent goes to his accountant, and ten percent goes to the guy in his business manager’s office that is pretending to be his business manager and moving money straight to a bank account in Turks and Caicos without anyone knowing, but $217 million is ludicrous. The Ghost of Curt Flood says, “Ya’ll abusing the crack baby out free agency.” The ‘crack baby’ modifier is popular amongst ghosts. The Ghost of Marion Barry started it. This contract makes me long for the days of collusion. This doesn’t even take into account how stupid it is from the Red Sox perspective, and I don’t mean just due to Price’s unstellar (Made Up Word of the Day!) playoff history. There will never be a contract where this much money ever makes sense. Look at your World Champion Royals, they don’t have one guy making more than ten million. Look at the past handful of huge contracts, have any of them looked good in hindsight? By the third year, this will look as egregious as the contracts given to Sabathia, A-Rod, Cano, Ryan Howard…Okay, nothing will look as bad as Ryan Howard’s. It’s not like contracts are secret either. It’s not as if the Red Sox are sitting there scratching their heads wondering how much the Royals are paying Hosmer. Big contracts get you nowhere! I said that last sentence while pounding my fist on a lectern as a few kids dozed in the front row. As for Price, he’ll turn 31 years old during the 2016 season, which is not exactly when pitchers get better, but he looks like he could stave off decline for a year or two. Last year, his fastball velocity went up from 2014, his K-rate was above his career average and his walk rate was within sneezing distance of his career mark. He was a tad lucky on homers, LOB% and BABIP, but he appears to be 2.70-3.20 ERA pitcher with neutral luck. Of course, I wouldn’t draft him since I don’t buy number one fantasy aces, but I doubt Fenway or the AL East really hurt him that much. At least not until the third year of his deal when there will be 217 million reasons why the Red Sox want to unload him. For 2016, I’ll give him the projections of 17-7/3.03/1.10/225 in 220 IP. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Cody Anderson took a perfect game into the 7th inning yesterday and ended up with a line of 8 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 2 Ks, and his ERA is at 0.57 thru two starts. The Indians staff just keeps getting sexier. Now their rotation is Cody, Corey, Danny, Trevor and Carlos. Sounds like a boy band, K-Nudo. Only Cody doesn’t strike out as many — he’s the sensitive one. Anderson has an interesting backstory. He’s from Idaho, and he signed with the Tribe out of a junior college for $250,000. Imagine that. One day, Anderson’s asking ma if they have to eat potatoes yet again for dinner and saying a lot of “Aw, geez,” then he signs for a quarter of a million dollars, which is more than the state economy of Idaho. Suddenly, he was able to purchase the state of Idaho and all its trout. (I have no idea if they have trout there, but Guy Fieri seems to stop at a Diner and/or Drive-In and/or Dive at least once a week in Idaho for trout.) “Aw, geez, ma, I have to pay to pave highways now? Money is evil!” As for fantasy, Anderson’s not quite as big city-ish. He has very few Ks thru two games, but he does throw hard-ish (93 MPH fastball) with a decent slider, and he also has decent control. His minor league numbers portend a mid-rotation guy at best and he’s not at his best yet, so there’s still room to grow, but I’d let him grow on someone else’s team in mixed leagues. If you wanna check the Stream-o-Nator on him, go for it, but outside of AL-Only leagues, I wouldn’t own him yet. Just as I wouldn’t eat trout from Idaho. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Every so often, we get reminded that players sometimes just need minor mechanical or mental adjustments to finally unlock their potential. As we all know, Chris Colabello profiles as the classic quad-a player, lacking statistical precedent to sustain success in the bigs. I saw his insane average over 50 ABs and wondered if he changed anything from his approach from when he was with the Twins to warrant further review. Last year, Steve Pearce proved that a breakout (temporary as it might have been) is possible for players their 30s and I need not remind anyone of how bad Encarnación and Joey Bats were to start their careers.

I was going to say Shelby Miller looks sensational, but then I Googled sensational to see its definition, even though I know it already. (Al Gore did originally invent the internet as a tool of procrastination.) So, the Oxford Dictionary defines sensational as: causing great public interest and excitement, example “a sensational murder trial.” Wow, even the Oxford Dictionary is trying to get in on the tabloid journalism of our day. Hey, Oxford, why not, “Kim Kardashian’s booty was sensational when she broke the internet that Al Gore had created and now needed to fix.” That gives me a great idea, a mash up of the Urban and Oxford Dictionary! Definition of a flake: A crazy or eccentric person. “Yo, that flake is three crumbs short of a Peek Frean.” Any the hoo! Shelby Miller did look sensational, murdering bats like The Riddler. Yesterday, he went 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks to lower his ERA to 1.33. Is he this good? Oh, c’mon. But how bad is he? His K/9 is 7.2, BB/9 is 2.7 and xFIP is 3.79. His BABIP is .203, LOB% is 88.8% and his ground ball rate is 50.4%. Essentially, Miller’s a 3.25-3.60 ERA pitcher with decent, but not great Ks, solid but not terrific control, and one great pitch that he’s figured out how to use, the cutter. He could easily have a month-long spasm of a 5.00 ERA just as easily as he’s done six weeks of a 1.33 ERA. Would I sell him high? Yes, indeed. Or as the Urban-Oxford Dictionary would say, “Does a corgi crap under the Queen’s bed and she calls it a soon-to-be truffle?” Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Max Scherzer, Jordan Zimmermann, and Stephen Strasburg. If that doesn’t sound like the guest list for Temple Beth Sholom’s Rosh Hashanah bash, I don’t know what does. Who will the Nationals sign next, Ryan Braun, Ike Davis or Ian Kinsler? How many Jews does it take to win a World Series? Now before anyone goes and gets offended, let me say that I myself am Jewish, or at least I was raised as such. Bar Mitzvah and all. And that means that it’s kosher for me make Jewish jokes. It’s kinda like how African-American rappers and comedians are allowed to say the word that shall not be said. Shockingly, however, none of Scherzer, Zimmermann, nor Strasburg light the menorah. Say what!?! It’s true. You won’t find any of those names in Adam Sandler’s next rendition of the Hanukkah Song. But while I’m on the topic, allow me to say that Hebrew National hot dogs are, by far, the best hot dogs one can eat. Actually all kosher hot dogs are pretty damn delicious. Most importantly, they are all beef. No uncertainly about what you are actually eating. After all, they answer to a higher authority!

The stars sure do look pretty when they align. Our good friends the Phillies just happen to be very bad against right handed pitching (along with many, many other things). They strikeout a lot, don’t hit the ball very hard, and don’t get on base too often. In fact, they are dead last in the league in weighted on base percentage against righties, and dead last in the league in hard hit ball % against righties. Matt Harvey is a righty. Matt Harvey is a very good righty. Matt Harvey is a very very very good pitcher. The stars are aligning, I can see it right now. Happy Matt Harvey day everyone.

OBPwulf opened to lukewarm reviews in the Grandal Opry in 2012. One critic said the country number performed by the girl in Daisy Dukes can only be described as “poon twang” to those sitting in the front rows. Another critic argued that a show dedicated to a catcher, who never topped 15 home runs and had a career .247 average, but was good at OBP, while being delivered in country music songs written in archaic Old English prose, would struggle to find an audience. And struggle it did. Until it moved to Los Angeles and got a cast change to Carrie Underwood and Craig Wayne Boyd. Now the story of OBPwulf is singing! Yesterday, Yasmani Grandal went 4-for-4, 3 runs, 8 RBIs with his 3rd and 4th homers, hitting .301. He’s owned in 39% of ESPN leagues and the Dodgers go to Coors this weekend. I didn’t put Grandal in this afternoon’s Buy column, because he’s here now. You don’t need things repeated. You don’t need things repeated. You don’t need things repeated. Sorry, I’m typing this in a cave. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Perhaps the title to this week’s post was influenced by the fact that I just watched Miguel Cabrera smack a 432-foot home run for his second of the day, bringing his season total to 5 home runs and 83 fantasy points. Don’t look now, but Miggy is batting .370 and is quietly climbing his way to the top. Or perhaps today’s title has been influenced by the fact that, as I write this, I am also in the process of packing my bags to get ready to take my family to Disney World. Actually, I am certain it’s a combination of both.