Sunday, September 16, 2007

The government recently declared that there was no evidence to suggest that a person like Rama or the characters in the Ramayana ever existed and that, therefore, the so-called Ram Sethu can be safely demolished. This unrelated claim came to light when the government was actually suggesting that the troubled bridge over waters was, in fact, natural and not man-made. This highlights two things. One, the government is of an extremely scientific bent of mind, unwilling to believe anything and everything and only accepting those facts for which there is verifiable proof. And two..no actually, just one. I forgot what two was.

The claim by the government and the demonstration of its inquisitive nature could well usher in a Renaissance of sorts in Indian culture. Hell, it could well usher in a Renaissance of sorts in my life. For instance, I am now not at all sure whether there is actually any person called Harish N Kumar. I mean, there is no archaeological evidence to suggest he exists. He has built no palaces or houses bearing his name. His claims to have actually built the Himalayas can be discounted as mere delusion, since they can be conclusively proved to be natural formations. Also, excavation of large areas in Rajasthan, Gujarat, Punjab and the Sindh province in Pakistan have yielded no concrete evidence to affirm that a man called Harish N Kumar was real. No remains of him have been found either. This is a challenging task since he is, as per most accounts, alive. And what are we relying on, really? His blog? As the British would say, pshaw, mere documents/webpages that could have been written by just about anybody. The same goes for his tenth standard marks card, PUC result sheet, engineering degree certificate. Unless I find this stuff buried in piles of mud, I am not going to believe in the reality of his existence.

So I now declare that Harish N Kumar does not exist. I am a man of a variably scientific bent of mind, much like our government. Someone has to dig stuff up and prove he exists. Sorry, Harish, old man, but this is how it works around here.

Speaking of proof of existence, people might not believe in my existence too, a few years from now. Therefore, I have a plan. Starting tomorrow, I am going to start burying things that belong to me. A pen, a matchstick with my name on it, a contact lens, two pencil sharpeners, ten drops of lens lotion, three people I saw on the road the other day, I'm going to bury all of this. No matter how hard I have to force those pencil sharpeners into the ground.

Now if Harish thinks I have humiliated him on a 'public forum' here, and feels defamed, he may lodge a defamation case against me. But since I too do not exist, there being no archaeological evidence to prove that I exist either, he cannot bring this lawsuit against me. Who files lawsuits against people who do not exist, right? And people filing lawsuits can find it particularly challenging to do so, since they themselves do not exist either.

This presents many exciting new opportunities and concepts. For example, I can go and throw a stone at Shibu Soren. I do not exist. Shibu Soren doesn't exist. And quite obviously, the stone doesn't exist, since there is no archaeological evidence to prove its existence.

I can also let lions loose on Salman Khan(neither do the lions exist nor does Salman Khan), unleash dung missiles on various grotesque paintings by M F Husain, eject spittle in a sharp trajectory towards Kapil Sibal(the spittle is totally illusory, of course. It's not buried; therefore, it can't be proved.), feel unnecessarily happy about movies directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali that become debacles and indulge in other illusory acts of unsubstantiable damage.

In effect, this Sethusamudram project has brought to the fore, although completely inadvertently, the core philosophies that Hinduism has long emphasized and espoused. None of us exist. Nothing is real. All is maya.

hey! very good post indeed! btw, did U post this or is it just my imgagination that u posted it?!:-)

Its sometimes scary that judgments like these can shake the beliefs of people! Like me...I cant associate to the judgment about Lord Rama not existing at all! I cant do away with those stories about him that I heard all my life....what am I to do?! Sick !

One of the ways of finding evidence is if you are buried and not burnt, then may be in the near future someone will dig up your bones then perform some DNA testing to find out who u are. but since you dont exist, u will be renamed as per the discoverer's choice, say his name or the place u were buried etc.

I thought of this after i read an article about someone finding a new type of dinosaur and then naming it as 'Dakota'(where it was found)

Who knows maybe the Dinosaur had a name when it was alive, say pinky, rinky dinky etc etc.