Category: Refreshment in marriage

The sand drawing above is an annual event that my husband started doing years ago when we first started taking vacations to the beach. He draws our initials in the sand, dates it, draws a heart around it and then we get a picture. It always makes a memory and I think it also speaks to other people, too. As a matter of fact, when this one was taken, several people, including a child, walked towards it, then nearly stumbled when they saw the drawing, not wanting to trample through it. Of course it would have been fine, but it was like they felt were desecrating soemthing sacred and they wanted to help us preserve it. But I wonder, do we as couples trample over and desecrate our marriage relationship by not stopping to consider what we need to do to preserve it?

Right at the top of that list is making sure that we spend time together…we continue to date our spouse. There are lots of fun things to do on dates in the summertime, and many of them cost very little! Here are some of our favorites:

Drives. Whether we drive through the country, or an ocean city while on vacation, we love to drive through subdivisions or streets and look at homes and landscaping. We turn on some music, roll down the windows and drive slowly. It’s fun to see what others have done to their homes and also dream about what we might do because of ideas gleaned on our drive.

Back porch dates – Those cool patio lights make the perfect setting for a movie on your laptop or tablet out there, accompanied by popcorn or a treat!

Backyard dates – We pull out the croquet, badminton or other yard game and enjoy some friendly competition.

Bike rides – So many places offer great trails. Sometimes we even pack a picnic lunch and enjoy the ride and lunch along the path!

Ice Cream Dates – The only thing we ever order from McDonald’s is their soft serve ice cream. We also love Chick-fil-A’s cones. Often we’ll buy a half gallon when it’s marked down, and enjoy a cone outside on the swing.

Yard sales – We like to make a mental list of things we’ll look for – a piece of furniture for the patio, books, or antiques for decorating. We load up on quarters and $1 bills and head out, newspaper in hand and scavange for the best deals on those items.

Don’t trample over your marriage this summer; make time to create favorite dates and times with your spouse!

Do you and your spouse have any traditions like our drawing in the sand that you do? What fun plans are you making for this summer?

We’ve all done it – slammed our finger in a drawer or caused ourselves some sort of pain by a careless act. This morning it happened to me – I was getting ready for the day and I dropped my phone onto the top of my foot. All those little bones in there began screaming for attention and I gave it! I lifted my leg and while hopping on the other foot, Continue reading “Family Friday – Apply the Loving Touch”→

This week during our Valentine’s dinner, I pulled out a dating journal that my husband and I kept for quite a few years. We recorded lunch dates, overnighter’s, and weeks away that we were blessed to share during the years our girls were home. Wow! It was filled with special memories we had forgotten. But one thing rang true – we missed our girls while we were away, but those times alone helped shape our relationship. It made us better parents, and it made our marriage stronger.

We literally had to scrape together every dime to go on these outings, but it was so well worth it! I’m thankful we have that journal to remind us of the joy those times away were for us. Some dates were simply a shared ice cream cone, or a picnic lunch at a nearby park. As a matter of fact, most outings were minimized in extravagance, but maximized in enjoyment AND effectiveness! It was always profitable for our relationship.

For any married couple to spend time away together so they might invest in their relationship, will require an investment. That simply means it is costly.

It could require a financial investment. There are lots of things to do that don’t cost, but most overnighters aren’t free.

It will require time – time away from family, away from work and away from all other distractions.

It will require a willingness to get honest with one another so you both can make changes that are necessary.

The sacrifice of your pride is crucial so you can listen to your spouse without thinking about what you want to say.

After 36+ years of marriage, I would have to say that time away from pressures and demands – even for an hour – is time that helped build our marriage. It’s so easy to get on two separate tracks when things are so busy.

May I ask you – are you making a true effort to spend time with your spouse – just the two of you so you might talk in depth, pray together, have times of rest, laugh, strengthen one another in the daily grind, and pour into your marriage so you can both be ready to move forward?

Let me encourage you, if you’re wanting to share these times but your husband is reluctant, plan a short outing. Do something you know HE would love. Keep it lighthearted and encouraging. Pour into him. Bless him with what he needs. Pray about it, asking the Lord to make your time special. Keep doing these little outings and work your way into a weekend away. Allow the Lord to move in his heart.

God has a plan for your marriage and you can trust Him to make it what it needs to be. But again, time with just the two of your is one important ingredient. Even though there are no longer children in our home, my husband and I have to get away to really have time to talk and share uninterrupted. We still need it. We still love it!

Let me end by sharing some photos of the weekend Sweetheart Retreat my husband spoke at last weekend at The Wilds. It was a wonderful blessing to our hearts to gather with 80 couples and pour into their lives for two days! If you’ve never experienced a couples’ retreat at The Wilds, you don’t know what you’re missing! These pictures will give you an idea of the fun we shared!

My favorite speaker!Fun Time is always full of the good medicine of laughter!!

This baking skit…oh my!Old friends surprised us!

Does this look like CAMP FOOD?!More old friends that blessed our time there!Love the bookstore!

Valentine’s day is behind us, but you live in your marriage every single day. Make the most of it by making investments that will benefit your relationship for years to come!

Who doesn’t love a fun date night? Getting dressed up, going somewhere fun and spending time together is a great way to recharge your marriage. But there can to be two problems when a man and woman are going to go out for a date:

They always go to the same place because they can’t think of something new.

They’re afraid to say what they really want to do, or they can’t make up their mind, so they go back and forth with, “Where do you want to go?” “I don’t care, you decide!”

Does this sound familiar?

I have a couple suggestions for you that will alleviate both of those issues:

Resolution #1. – Either Google “New restaurants (or stores, etc) in our area”, or use another kind of guide with that information to find new possibilities, like your newspaper.

It’s easy to fall into a rut! You go to your favorite restaurant, get dinner and call it a night. But with the world around us growing as it is, there’s no need for that to happen. In our city and I’m sure in most areas of the world, new businesses, walking/biking paths, books stores, and restaurants are popping up every year, giving opportunities for new adventures.

Recently our local newspaper published their 2017 Reader’s Choice Awards. In it are Restaurants with the best french fries, Asian foods, barbecue ribs, pies, doughnuts, desserts, coffee, Stores including gift stores, department stores and book stores. It goes on and on, listing the best of all kinds of fun places to shop, eat, be entertained or pampered. I couldn’t believe how many places were recommended that I’d never even heard of! I am writing those places into a book of date idea places. The next time we want to “try something different,” we’ll simply open the book and make a new choice!

You could also write the names of the places you want to try on Popsicle sticks and put them in a jar. Draw one out and do it when Date Night rolls around.

I love this idea of color-coding so you can make a more careful choice regarding price range or planning ahead.

Resolution to #2. – Take turns deciding. When it comes down to making the choice of which place you should go, do this – He chooses this week, you choose the next. It takes the pressure off trying to be sure he likes the place, and vice versa. This way, you both get the chance to decide and if it’s not the best, well, next week they can make the choice!

Don’t allow boredom or indecision to ruin your date night! Mix it up a little and make the most of the time you take to share a special evening together!

A wonderful book is a treasure. I love to read, and I’m always on the search for a new author or title to check out. While there have been years when I was busy with homeschool that I didn’t get to read as much as I wanted, I pretty much always have a “book going.”

It only seems fair to share my treasures with you! So today I’m sharing three books that are sitting on my coffee tables that I’m currently reading and LOVING! They’re different enough that I can read all three at the same time.

Adorned – This is one of those books that every woman needs to read – and then reread at least every other year. Titus 2 is the backdrop for all the teaching and instruction found here. It’s practical, convicting, helpful and challenging. She addresses both the older and younger women and ends each chapter with a list of questions for each. My copy is covered in yellow highlights to help me remember these essential truths for my life as a woman who loves and desires to live for God.

For my girls’ birthdays this year, I gave them each two copies – one for themselves, and one to give to an older woman they could ask to go through it with them. This book is best when shared with at least one friend. Do your spiritual life and your female side a favor and read this!

The Most Important Place on Earth – This book about the home was written by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth’s husband years before they were ever married. His first wife died of cancer, and he and Nancy married nearly two years ago. Robert is an excellent, compelling writer. I have laughed out loud as he shared many tales from his own home life. He wisely shares the ingredients needed to make our homes the most important place on the earth.

I got my copy from Amazon for less than a dollar. There are updated versions that have a cover that’s current to today, but the message is one that will be relevant for all time. I highly recommend this book, and am thankful that my sis recommended it to me! Thanks, Dianne!

The Cave, The Cabin and The Tattoo Man – This book also came from my sister, who has met the author, Tim Callahan, from Kentucky. To read the title you might be surprised that I’m reading it, but the story is precious. It’s a fiction book based on the author’s growing up years, which happen to be the same era in which I grew up. Hence, the illustrations and pictures he paints take me back to my own childhood days.

This is the story of a little boy who stays with his grandparents during the summer months. He helps them with the little grocery store they owned. He fishes in their pond so well that he is the envy of all the grown men, and he gets himself into precarious situations during his free hours.

When I need a book to just take me away on a little vacation, this is the one I’m reading…for the second time. This is a series, too, which is fun. I love knowing there is one to follow!

I hope you’ll check into reading at least one of these suggestions. They’re all worthy of your time, and in my opinion, much better value than anything television has to offer! Autumn is nearly upon us, and aren’t fall and winter the best times to snuggle in somewhere comfy with a cup of coffee and read a compelling book?!

Do you have a treasured book you’re reading? Please share in the comments! I’ll need some new titles soon!

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning handsprings or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

A huge part of the difficulty that can come to a marriage is dealing with the In-laws. You see, when a girl says, “I do,” to a man she loves, she is also saying “I do” to receiving his family. She takes them on as her own family, and of course, he takes hers as well. But that isn’t always the easiest job in the world. There are so many variables as to why that’s the case, but I’d like to address what to do in order to make those relationships better.

I’ve been both a daughter-in-law and am now a mother-in-law, so I can speak a little to the female side of these relationships. Tomorrow I’m going to speak to the mothers-in-law. But we’ll look today at being a daughter-in-law that would honor the Lord and also be a blessing to the other side of her family.

Give your in-law’s names – When I was newly married, I had a sweet father-in-law who oddly enough had been (and still was) my boss at the school where I taught. He was also my pastor. Now all of the sudden, we were related! That was a strange transition to make! My mom gave me good advice before my wedding. She said, “Start calling your in-law’s by the name you choose right after you’re married. It will sound like it’s bouncing off the walls when you first say it, but keep on saying it. It will get easier.”
My husband and I had decided to call one another’s parents as we do our own, Mom and Dad. When you have parents of your own that you treasure and love, it’s hard to throw that title to someone else, but these people were parents to the man I’d given my life to! Could I not “adopt” them as my second set of parents? So, after the honeymoon, I needed my mother-in-law’s attention and I had no choice but to say it – “Mom…” It was just like my own mother had warned me. It seemed like I had shouted it into a megaphone! But I kept on saying it until it became as natural saying my own name.
It can be so difficult to give your in-law’s a name that instead, you refer to them as only pronouns. Love them enough to give them a name – Mom and Dad, Bob and RuthAnn, Mom C., something! It’s so much kinder than “her” or “him!”

Give your in-law’s the benefit of the doubt. If you’re questioning their actions, their absence, or their words to you or your husband, just step back and don’t assume anything but the best. Instead of asking, Why does your mother only call you and ask about the holidays? Don’t I count? Assume that he is the one who could answer her questions. Then you make an attempt at saying, Hey, I hear you’re wondering about us coming for Thanksgiving. We’re looking forward to it. Do you have a minute that we could talk about what you’d like me to bring?It’s a tendency to get offended, but sometimes if we build a bridge for communication, it will make things easier the next time.

Give your in-law’s time to be with their son without you. Don’t feel offended that your MIL would love to spend time with your husband. Instead, help that to happen. When my in-law’s came to visit us for Christmas, I always tried to encourage my husband to take his mom out for breakfast one morning. They could talk and spend time together, and I know she appreciated having her son to himself for a couple hours.
(Tomorrow we’ll discuss what happens if this need becomes obsessive for her!)

Give your in-law’s time with your whole family. Holidays can be downright dreadful if there are not wise decisions about where and when the holidays will be spent. Going back and forth to both families is exhausting and sharing that holiday with only one side of the family can be hurtful.
Our solution to that is to spend Thanksgiving with one side and Christmas the other. Then the next year do the opposite. Birthday’s, Mother’s Day and so on can be handled in the same way – back and forth.

Give your in-law’s the same kindness you’d give your own parents. Most husbands aren’t good at remembering to buy gifts and cards for their mom once they’re married. Why not consider it your duty as his wife to remind your fella to buy a card for his mom for Mother’s Day? Or you pick out the card and gift for her birthday and let him sign it for both of you. She’ll recognize his handwriting and will be elated that he remembered. Only you will be the wiser! The point is, be sure to do the same kind acts for your in-law’s as you do for your family.
In the book of Ruth, we hear Naomi saying to her two daughters-in-law:Go, return each to her mother’s house: the Lorddeal kindly with you, as ye have dealt with the dead, and with me.Both Ruth and Orpah had shown kindness to their mother-in-law and she was fully aware of it!Could that be said of you and me? Take the high road and show kindness. Be first to do it. Do it even if it’s not returned. What to do?

Call them.

Send a text to check on them.

Send them pictures of your children.

Send them pictures of your husband!

Pray for them.

Love them with words

Love them with your time.

Love them with actions. A card, a gift, a loving gift of your time.

It would be hard not to love a daughter-in-law who responds with those kind of actions. I didn’t always do that. I struggled, especially in our early years. But I thank the Lord for the good relationship he gave me with my in-law’s over time. Ladies, sometimes the hardship in the in-law relations can make them look like outlaw’s, but if we make the effort, we could very easily turn things around for God’s glory and we daughters-in-law could be remembered as favorably as Ruth was.

What’s your best tip for responding as a daughter-in-law? Who has a great daughter-in-law that you’d like to brag about?

Last Friday night my husband and I went on a date called The Bookstore Date. Here’s how it goes:

We headed to our local Barnes & Nobles Bookstore with a small list that I’d put on my phone. We headed to the back of the store where they have little tables and chairs, perfect for two. I pulled out the list. The object of the date is to find the suggested books, one at a time, bring them back and read whatever was asked. Then, you return the book and proceed to the next one until either your date time is up, or you finish the list. Here are the books we were to find:

#1 – Visit the COOKING section & chose a recipe that you would like to make for your spouse.

#2 – Visit the MAGAZINE section & find a quiz in a magazine that you and your spouse could do together.

#3 – Visit the CHILDREN’S section & find a book that was a favorite when you were a child or that holds a special memory for you…and read them to each other when you meet back up.

#4 – Visit the JOKE section and pick out a HI-LA-RI-OUS joke to share with your spouse.

#5– Visit the TRAVEL section and find a picture or information on a place you would like to visit someday.

#6 – Visit the POETRY section and find a poem that describes the way you feel about your spouse.

Giving me a trivia quiz from a book, rather than a magazine, as #2 suggests.

When was the last time someone read “The Little Gingerbread Man” to you?!

He is laughing so hard, he’s crying…and so was I!

We were at the bookstore for about an hour and a half and we only finished up to #4. Why? Because this date is so much fun and creates so much conversation that you don’t stop at reading just a part of the story, or one joke – you can’t resist reading more and laughing or talking or crying. If you decide to try this, you could do the first three on one night and the second three another time.

This is the best date, ladies. It costs nothing. It creates conversation. It’s so much fun! It will knit your heart to your husband’s as you spend some really special minutes reading together and to one another. Even non-readers would love this, because it’s not like you have to read a whole book – or even a chapter of anything. They’re just fun topics that help you to know one another even deeper.

What free date do you and your husband do to create memories and build your relationship?