Very Hurt....

My husband of a year and a half told me tonight that I talk with too much detail. I go on and on and on. I am 41, and a sixth grade Teacher. He asked me how work was and I got a new student. Not just a student, an 11 year old girl from a refugee camp in Burma. Just came to America, and knows two words... sing and no. I work in an area of our city where 94 percent of the children are poverty stricken. NO ONE in the entire school pays for their lunch. The last four (gang related) shootings in our town have been family members of my students. (and I only have 13 students) None of my kids have both parents at home, none of my students have an "easy" life. EVERY one of my students have had a parent that was or still is in prison. And to make matters worse, my new Karen (pronounced Corene) student has NEVER seen black people (all of my students are black but her and one hispanic and another Karen). So, knowing this information, how can my husband possibly think when asking me how work was, that it would be a REMOTELY simple and quick answer?
I am so hurt that he would EVER tell me I told him too much. This is what it tells me... I DONT LIKE TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, I JUST ASK HOW YOUR DAY WAS TO BE KIND!
THIS happened thursday and he is still mad at me today because we went out to eat and I took 45 minutes of our dinner talking about this "Burmese" girl.
What should I say to him? Should a wife have to worry about sharing too much? Talking in too much detail? Doesnt this seem like something a man would say to a woman he didnt care about? didnt respect? didnt love?

Replies to This Discussion

You sound like a very compassionate person. You like to share your day because it matters to YOU. If he is not there for you to listen, I wonder how far he is from you on other areas of your marriage. If he can not be your friend in this arena, maybe you have friends who do listen and appriciate what you tell them?

I constantly have to remind myself that men seem to communicate differently. Women love to talk and describe and interact, and a lot of times men seem much more task-oriented. He was probably looking for the brief "It was good, we have a new student in class." and moving right on to dinner together. My suggestions:
1. Find a place/person where you CAN share the things that matter to you in depth. I participate in an online community for women entrepreneurs for instance, many of whom are WAHMs. I write a blog and interact with forums there to get the support I need as a WAHM struggling to find balance for instance. Maybe there is a site for teachers/educators that could serve the same purpose for you?
2. Read between the lines. Did you reciprocate and ask him how his day was? Maybe he felt he didn't get his fair share of choosing how to spend your limited time together. I'm guilty of this too. Have to remind myself of the 2 ears, 1 mouth saying: listen twice as much as you talk.
3. Be up front and ask him. Don't accuse him of being a bad husband, just tell him how important it is to you to share your experiences at work and see if you can agree on a way to discuss it that will please you both. Maybe it's a half-hour brain dump at the end of the day and then focus on personal things?

Good luck!

By the way - you are an inspiration. If only there were more teachers like you willing to work in "tough" schools and trying to make a difference. Don't forget for a second what a difference you are making in their lives. Sixth grade is a crucial time too. I think it would be really great if you could find a good online community where you could have a blog. I'm sure plenty of people would be fascinated to hear your experiences and support you!