Men's Stories of Positive Change 2008

Four men appeared in the Campaign's television commercials, sharing their personal stories of change. Vic, George and Brian tell how they became violence free and healed their families. Alfred shares his story of intervening in a family violence situation.

Vic Tamati is Samoan, he grew up in Auckland in the 1960s and 70s. Violence was normal in his family and other families he knew. Once he became a husband and father he used the violence he’d seen growing up on them. Vic has been violence free for more than 20 years and now works full-time as a speaker for It’s not OK. If you would like Vic to speak in your community please email areyouok@msd.govt.nz

George Ashby wasn’t just physically violent he was intimidating. ‘I made Mary so scared that if I said jump she did,’ he says. George remembers the last time he hit his wife, in 1995, before he realised he could no longer blame the whisky or his wife, it was up to him to change, with help from men is his community.

Brian Gardner’s friends gave him an ultimatum the day after he assaulted his wife – get help or we’ll call Police. Thanks to his friends he did get help and developed a new rule book for being a husband and father. Brian's marriage didn't survive, but his second relationship of over 20 years has been violence free. His sons will grow up with a different rule book.

Alfred Ngaro had to make a choice when he saw his friend intimidating his partner – turn a blind eye or do something. He decided to challenge his mate’s behaviour and urge him to get help. He did and they are still friends today.