But that was 2011. Things are different now. And seeing how one of the biggest buttholes from that team now plays for the Sharks, I figured I’d give them a fair shake and do a real preview post.

Offense

Brent Burns being awesome.

Both teams have capable centers throughout their lines: Henrik Sedin, Ryan Kesler, and Derek Roy for Vancouver; Joe Thornton, Logan Couture, and Joe Pavelski for San Jose.

Both teams have tough top lines, and an offense that tends to live and die by the power play.

Advantage: Draw

Defense

Dan Boyle doesn’t care how many pads you have.

This comes down to a couple of questions: Will Jason Demers come back this series? If not, who will replace him? Rookie Matt Tennyson is a capable puck-moving defensemen and natural complement to likely partner, Brad Stuart. Scott Hannan is slow and terrible with the puck, but he’s got “experience” which the coaches love, so it’ll probably be Hannan.

Kevin Bieksa has been rock steady all season for Vancouver (which makes Dan Hamhuis Bebop). Unfortunately for him, he’ll most likely be facing the Couture-Marleau-Havlat line. The rest of the defense for Vancouver is somewhat suspect, so I got to give it to the Sharks on this one.

Advantage: Sharks

Goaltending

Antti Niemi does it all in style.

Antti Niemi has been putting up Vezina numbers all season, while the goalie soap opera continues in Vancouver, which in my opinion is the dumbest thing ever. Roberto Luongo is hands down a better goaltender than Cory Sedin Schneider. If Schneider plays, I give the advantage to Nemo. If Luongo plays, I still give the advantage to San Jose, but the Canucks will be harder to score against.

Advantage: Sharks

Douchebags

Mmm…hockey glove.

The Canucks have a few guys on the roster known for their epic levels of douchebaggery. Kesler and Burrows instantly come to mind, but ever since the acquisition of the king of all a-holes, Raffi Torres, this is actually closer than ever. Since Torres has yet to rip anyone’s head off in teal, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Once he does though, the Sharks will be the third douchiest team in the West, behind only the Kings and Ducks.

The big takeaway however, is that Vancouver’s jerks can actually draw penalties, so at least there is a method behind the madness.

Advantage: Canucks

Series Prediction: I give it to the Sharks in 6 if they win Game 1. If they lose on Thursday, they’ll take it in 7.

A Sharks postseason is a lot like a Christopher Nolan movie: deep, entertaining, and always falling short of the biggest prize.

In 2008, The Dark Knight was released, breaking box office records in the process. Then after the tragic death of Heath Ledger, the movie was snubbed for an Oscar, not even garnering a nomination for Best Picture.

In 2008-2009, the Sharks won the President’s Trophy, finishing the season with 117 points, the most in Pacific Division history. Then they got bounced by the Disney on Ice, the Anaheim Ducks, in six games. And that was without Emilio.

In 2010, Christopher Nolan released Inception, an intense thriller that followed a team of extractors exploring the deep subconscious of people while dreaming. The movie had it all: an Oscar-winning leading man, a great supporting cast, a brilliant director, and a big budget. Yet, still no Oscar. It got beat out by The King’s Speech, a movie about a man unprepared for the throne.

In 2010-2011, the Sharks named the gold medalist and Art Ross and Hart Trophy-winning badass, Joe Thornton, as their new captain. They won the Pacific (again), then beat the Kings and beat the Red Wings in epic fashion. However, it was in the Western Conference Finals that a bad dream became a reality, with the Sharks losing to a team unprepared for King Stanley’s throne.

Here’s hoping that this postseason is more like Man of Steel, a movie about a man with enough super human strength to defeat a whale, duck, king, bear, penguin, whatever.

Let’s just hope the Sharks don’t play the Seattle Kryptonite.

Since the Sharks don’t play until Wednesday, here’s a preview of Man of Steel, which looks awesome.