Sunday, 27 April 2014

Oversleeping

I overslept on Friday morning. It triggered a panic attack that lingered for most of the day. I rushed downstairs late to find my family washed, dressed and eating breakfast. No one had given me a call. So now I am in a negative pit of emotion. My thoughts go something like this:

- they have watched me battle with depression which is worse in the morning. It had taken eighteen months to train myself to always wake before eight. Did this mean nothing to them?

- they just don't want me around in the morning.

- this is a personal attack by my husband to sabotage my progress.

I hate myself when I row with my husband and kids. I feel guilty and horrible.

The last seven years have been particularly difficult for my husband, but that's his story. The effect on me is that somewhere down the line I have started to expect him to hurt me.

However, since I have now decided that I'm responsible for my own happiness and that I have had the 'why didn't you wake me?' I decided that having my own alarm was the way to go!