Sunday, May 29, 2011

We were finally able to have our engagement photos taken. We had some done in October and it was cold and rainy and I hated how they turned out, so about a month ago we met with our photographer and he did a re-do for us. I can't tell you how pleased we are with the results. Looking at these photos makes me fall in love with LW all over again. He's my soulmate; the love of my life.

Monday, May 16, 2011

I have that many days until I walk down the aisle to say "I Do". My coworkers have encouraged me to write the number of days 'left' on the whiteboard in my office. And every morning a coworker comes to my desk to see how many days I have left. God love her.

We are pretty much set. Just tying up some loose ends and making final payments.

What I can't wait for the most is the time I will have with my Dad and alone with LW. I'm looking forward to the honeymoon and I'm looking forward to having my Dad here with me and my brother. My brother or his children haven't seen my Dad since 2006. Looking forward to some family time.

I actually have June 16th through July 5th off from work. :-) Jealous? :-) That's the longest I've taken off of work, without counting surgery, because we all know that having surgery to get out of work is NO fun.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I tried really hard to have a great day. I woke up feeling good. Feeling like it was going to be a beautiful day. The sun was shining, I could hear the birds chirping, so I sat at the table, alone and had breakfast. Lauren was staying the night elsewhere, LW was still in bed from a long night out with the guys, and Kassidy...well she sat on the couch avoiding me. When I would talk to her she wouldn't really respond, so I left her alone. As I was sitting there eating alone I thought about all of the Mom's out there who were waking up to their children making them breakfast in bed. How glorious would that be if someone cared enough about me to make me feel like a queen for a day.

As I sat there I scrolled through my Facebook and saw where Kassidy had been posting Mother's Day wishes to her friends Mom's...saying how much she loved them and appreciated them being in her life. My heart sank. There I sit...alone, while Kassidy is in the other room sending messages to her friend's Moms, feeling like I'm the most unappreciated person in the world.

How should one feel? I try my best to provide her with love and support. And in turn at the very least, I would hope she could look at me on this most important day and say "Thanks for being a good Mother figure to me." But nope. I got the cold shoulder.

So I cried as I walked upstairs (by this time LW was up and hasn't even acknowledged me), crawled back into bed and wondered why I try so hard to give these girls everything when clearly it doesn't seem appreciated. Yes I know they have Mothers, but is it so hard to say thank you to me? I don't need a gift or a card. Just saying thank you would have worked.

All day I laid in bed or on the couch while LW and the girls were off to their Mother's Day celebration at their Grandmother's. It was a very lonely, sad day. I missed my Mom. I hated the fact that I had to face intertility practically alone. I was angry that the girls (mostly Kassidy) don't think of me the way I think of them. I feel like I give and give and give, and they all take, but clearly no one is giving to me. My spirit was crushed.

I do hope that every one of you had a wonderful day spent with family and friends. In Ohio it was a glorious sun shiney day. The first day in awhile where we hadn't seen rain all day.