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Who Pushes Your Buttons and Why?

Last night, going to the theatre, we experienced a typical example of how someone who is not in touch with their anger attracts other angry people into their life and allows them to push their buttons.

The lady taking our tickets, checking our reservations, and directing us to our table was pleasant enough even though I could detect that she was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. I had to make a conscious effort not to judge her. The thought popped up in my head that being in the service industry, she should be friendlier. Underlying that, is my own belief that when “on the job,” one cannot show it if one is having a bad day. We judge in others what we can’t accept in ourselves. I tend to judge myself harshly when I have a “bad day” and don’t function at my best to help my clients.

However, my non-judgmental stance was really challenged when the people behind us presented her with a voucher and she told them in not the friendliest of tones that they should have let them know on the phone ahead of time. The customer replied, nobody had asked her. The response she got from the ticket lady was they couldn’t ask all their customers if they had some sort of a discount or coupon. So slowly getting annoyed, the customer suggested that maybe they should make it a habit to ask. The theatre employee pointed out to the guest that it did say (in very small print) on the coupon to let them know about a voucher ahead of time.

The argument went on and on with each of them getting more and more annoyed with the other. Meanwhile, a long line of other patrons was forming behind them. Each of the two could have stopped the argument at any given point if they were in touch with their suppressed emotions and beliefs but they both had the need to be right. Both parties attracted another angry and opinionated person into their energy field because they were angry, felt overwhelmed, and couldn’t admit that they might be wrong.

Standing there listening to the conversation, I had a hard time not being drawn into their unpleasant energy field. The customer triggered me with her need to be right and made me realize that I don’t like that part of myself that wants to be right. The employee triggered me even more, arguing with a customer. I felt myself judging her as rude and incompetent, as not deserving of her job. Again, that mirrors for me how I feel about my own work and that I only deserve to be in contact with people if I make them feel better.

Why does this happen?

How do we get triggered by the people around us?

How can we stay calm, non-judgmental and compassionate and turn an encounter with angry colleagues, customers or family members into a productive and positive situation?

“Imagine having a hundred different electrical outlets on your chest. Each outlet represents a different quality. The qualities we acknowledge and embrace have cover plates over them. They are safe: no electricity runs through them. But the qualities, that are not okay with us, which we have not yet owned, do have a charge. So when others come along who act out one of these qualities they plug right into us” (Debbie Ford in “The Dark Side of the Light Chaser” p. 39).

Who do you judge? Who pushes your buttons?

Join Darryl Gurney as he explains the energetic dynamics that have us repeatedly drawing in the people that challenge us the most and also see how these unresolved dynamics can sabotage our relationships, contribute to illness, compromise our self-worth, and hijack our ability to make conscious choices. Darryl will then show us how to get clarity on how these disowned energies have been operating in our lives and then discuss various strategies that simply and effectively allow us to energetically reconcile our relationships to these patterns.