You Want to Know

A billboard project 1996-1998. Contemporary Art Centre in Vilnius, Manezh in St. Petersburg, Ingolfsstraeti in Reykjavik, BeaconsfIeld in London, Helsinki City Art Museum and Dagens Nyheter-Newspaper.

Iwonder if it’s possible for a family to go public without either heterosexaul or homosexual identity and leave their sexuality undefined. Whenever I’ve wanted someone, it’s never been for a heterosexual or homosexual experience. You want to know when I’ve had pleasure? Was it as a man or as a woman? It’s written in my fat; the fact that one hand seeks a man and the other a woman. So is the fat in me really the path to the pleasure of the other, and the erotic pleasure of fat about being the other? I can see myself breastless and I’m close to a boy. A sexual object doesn’t mean someone of the same or opposite sex. Fat combines the characteristics of both sexes, the little bit fat boy and the almost breastless girl. I’m in a lift, a bed, a bathroom, the backyard, or on a rooftop with someone bisexual who through me, is discovering at last a fascination with fat. Others may have interested me sexually in the past but fat really is the catalyst. But I haven’t decided yet whether fat is useful or useless, pleasurable or painful, decent or indecent. I project on my lover everything I can see as the other in myself. I embrace him because of what I admire in both of us. And I say: ‘Welcome to bisexuality, Captain Kirk’, to a place where gender has nothing to do with who you want. Afterwards we’d go up to my room. One day we decided we’d emulate fucking of adults because we’d got so fascinated by it all. We undressed and took it in turns to lie on top of each other. The one on top always ended up being a female as the chest would hang down just as the other one’s chest would flatten out. It was like his body had a mind of its own, growing small breasts for him: one way in which our bodies could express their own personal style. His gestures, facial expressions and positions continued with a delicasy and smoothness. And I felt we were becoming a little bit distanced from what was happening. By this time we were without a care in the world. The bodies we fucked were very much like our own and we understood them well.