A battle in the saggy pants war is lost ... or is it?

Sad news, my friends, we have lost a major battle in our war against the scourge of saggy pants, and the irony is it began, as many losses do, looking like a victory.

Southwest Airlines kicked Billie Joe Armstrong, the lead singer for the rock band Green Day, off a flight recently for wearing saggy pants, and when I heard the news I was elated.

I thought: "It’s begun - the revolution is underway! With this small act of dissent, Southwest has struck a blow for the adults of society, a blow that says, 'Enough is enough, young America! Up with this ridiculous, infuriating, never-ending fashion trend we shall no longer put!'"

I began to picture a society in which it was no longer considered socially acceptable to wear your trousers at half mast, a society that would no longer turn its cheek, pun intended, and say, "Be patient, this too shall pass, as all fashion trends must," a society that collectively rose up and began systematically ostracizing those whose underpants we can see.

I fantasized about other businesses – movie theaters, fast food restaurants, even 7-Elevens – following Southwest’s lead and making themselves "droop-free" zones, and the saggy pants crowd responding not with defiance but by taking a hard look in the mirror and collectively saying, "You know what? We do look ridiculous. What were we thinking? We hereby renounce this look and pledge to never resurrect it again. Now, please, can we have a Slurpee?"

And thus, I figured, the long national nightmare would end and it would be safe for people over the age of 25 to go to the mall again.

Yes, my friends, it was all within our grasp – freedom from stupidity, freedom from irritation, freedom from wondering, "Why don’t they trip?"

And then … well, then Southwest Airlines went and apologized.

"As soon as we became aware of what happened, we apologized for this customer's experience," said Brad Hawkins, a spokesman for the firm. "He elected to take the next flight. We followed up with this customer … and, in our latest conversations, understand from the customer the situation was resolved to his satisfaction."

My disappointment is profound, my confusion deep. Why on earth would they apologize? First of all, they were in the right. Right doesn’t apologize.

Secondly, it was a sound business decision. By booting Armstrong off the flight, Southwest may have lost his business, but they’d gain thousands of new customers from among all the grateful grownups.

They could even have used it as a marketing tool, as in "Fly the sag-less skies" or "Fly Southwest, home of on-time flights, no luggage fees, and belts."

It would work on me.

But alas, Southwest caved and now the saggy pants movement will not only endure, but is likely to grow.

I say that because Armstrong is not only a very popular singer, but also because he is 39 years old and well beyond what one typically thinks of as the saggy pants years.

So my fear is that now that this episode has brought to light the fact that a middle-aged rocker thinks droopy drawers are cool that a few impressionable middle-aged guys will start to think, "Hmm, maybe there’s something to this."

So they’ll start wearing them. Then other guys will copy them. Then Dockers will come out with a line of droopy khakis. Levis will market droopy jeans with "a skosh" more room.

And soon saggy pants will be everywhere – on Bob, your neighbor; on Frank, your barber; on Bill, your accountant; maybe even on your dad.

It’s a horrific, apocalyptic image of the future. Of course, it may also be a good thing. Why? Because nothing turns a kid off to something faster than middle-aged people adopting it.