How will I feel after I post a video about Blow Jobs on That's What She Said?

Oy! What will the family think?

I always ponder the awkwardness say, an actor, must feel when Aunt Pearl and Grandpa Wilbur go see their new movie where they romp around naked. That's a rare, but fascinating contemplation. But aren't we all destined to have some strange or uncomfortable encounter with our family or friends about sex? How about those poor souls that walk in on Mommy and Daddy wrestling?

My family gave me some beautiful vintage nightgowns for my wedding night. I was on the phone discussing this with my Grandmother and Aunt Fran when the latter astutely noted, "But, it's not like you're going to keep them on very long." Not a big deal in the context of the universe, but a little, err, blush-inducing in the context of Granny Ruth. Does this make me a total prude?

Cindy Gallop is a powerful force. She's about to launch MakeLoveNotPorn.TV which is guaranteed to shake things up. [check out MakeLoveNotPorn.com too!] Cindy is admiringly open when she talks about sex. She's probably more comfortable discussing her sexual experiences in front of a massive crowd on stage than a lot of people are with their partners in their own bedroom.

Cindy also has parents. As I'm slowly but surely coming out of my own shell, I asked Cindy how she let her parents in on what she's doing. How did she break it to them that she dates younger men and is quite proud to talk about it? (click Read More to see her response VIDEO)

I worked at CBS the year a commuter plane crashed in Buffalo, NY. For an entire day I watched the graphics department fine-tune a simulation of the last moments before the plane went down. I carried those images with me for several years, developing a new fear of something I'd been fine with for quite sometime. All of a sudden I'm crying before I get on a plane?

Once upon a time recently, I went to dinner with 3 men. (go me!) Two random things learned:

1. "Women can under-express the physical qualities we appreciate in men."

2. "It sounds funny when women pretend they're into a man's ass, because guy's butts are really just ugly."

I just quote.

I told them about a woman's comment posted under the That's What She Said teaser when it was posted by the wicked awesome Edith Zimmerman over at The Hairpin. These guys were pretty fascinated, and I thought I should post it here in case you missed it! Her handle is @ilikemints, and she's responding to this interview with Cindy Gallop.

I watched these with my boyfriend in the room, and when I got to Cindy's, where she tells the story of her friend getting turned on by the dude's forearm, he got really confused. He had never heard of the male forearm as a sexy body part before, or what made a forearm sexy. I had to do an image search to show him, explain why that was a big part of why dudes in bands tend to get ladies even if they're ugly (he has been in bands for almost 15 years!), because playing guitars and drums get dudes' forearms ripped. He knew that women like guys' bodies, but had never really thought deeply about individual male physical attributes that had merit or were valued in any specific way, other than general "that dude's really muscular, most girls want that", and that on the whole men's bodies were goofy and relatively inconsequential, and I get the sense that a lot of guys feel that way, too.

On the whole this idea makes me very sad because not only does it do a great disservice to the intricacies of male-directed desire, but also to the way many men view their own bodies as being sexually neutral except for their dicks. I know I'm not completely happy with my body, but there are parts that I love that make me feel sensual and sexy, like the smallness of my waist, the fullness of my hips and ass, the delicate lines of my collarbone. Having these areas shown off and touched by someone I want to do the sex with help make me more confident in myself and make me a better partner. I think if a lot of dudes who feel down on or apathetic towards their bodies knew about the female gaze and how certain parts of them made women feel would be more confident in those qualities and be better at sex than having it all wrapped up in dick size, which, personally, I'm not that worried about.

Worth noting is that my three friends proceeded to roll up their sleeves and show a little more flesh last night. Let's just say I got to gawk at their sexy winterized forearms the rest of the night. Not bad.

I played funk with my father and new husband and we brought down the rain.

I permanently scarred my feet with something blue.

I went to the mountains and explored a stunning cave. A young German boy obviously didn't understand English, because he didn't understand that you NO TOUCHINGS STALAGMITES!

I navigated through some legitimate scramble. After a 15-20 minute mortality-meditation concerning a death-defying-crevice-leap in the midst of a 5 hour hike, I negotiaKated with my fear of heights, leapt, and made it to the top.

I learned how to do more with a charcoal grill than merely watch some schmuck use it. Here's an iPhone 4 image of my sweet, tenderly, grilled-pork, perched next to the most brilliant discovery a gal can make on a brief stay in a small Shenandoah town----> Dippin' Dots!

After this short, yet deeply enlightening pause, what's next for us here at TWSS Project? This next week we're exploring fear. Of a wedding?... Fear of heights?.... Fear of taking time off? Impermanence? Fear of permanence? Getting in front of a camera? Snakes?

​If you haven't seen any of Clayton Cubitt's videos of "Hysterical Literature," here's one for your viewing pleasure. Women reading to the camera while something slowly develops under the table! It's pretty clear once you start watching. What's fascinating is the connection to the breath, the resonation of the words, the break-down of self-editing. Last week we posted this video a reader shared with us, describing what happens to the brain during an orgasm.

The lateral orbitofrontal cortex is turned off which controls self-evaluation, reason and control...this shuts down fear and anxiety

I chose this one since I'm a big fan of Uncle Walt. Video after the fold. {NSFW}

I want to have children, and I wave that flag proudly. My late-night go-to drinking topic of colonics has turned to babies over the past few years. Purging of a more lovely product I say. I can't explain my desire to be a mother in any other way besides beinghorny to have children. Not in THAT way. It's just different from any desire I've felt, except lust. It feels outside of my body, or inside of my body, or of my body. Well, now I'll never hold another child until I have my own...

A few of my high-school girlfriends swore they'd never have children. Back in those days a lot of high-school girls, or maybe just my crew, were scared of the physical pain of sex, so of course having a baby freaked them out. For others, saying they didn't want children seemed rebellious, bold, more unique. They separated themselves from what was assumed to be our shared dream as ladies, and probably upset their own mamas.

As an adult, especially in NYC, I've met many women with zero baby-making interest, which I find powerful. Not because they don't want to have babies specifically, but because knowing what you want is powerful. And communicating what you want is powerful, especially when a lot of people question, "Why not?" I'm never really asked "Why?" when I say I do want kids. Communicating what you want to your partner is vital, as is clearly knowing what they want. I'll pass this off to the post that got me thinking about this: Read it and check out the rest of the Urban Honking too.

I really understand your desire to get things firmed up. You want to know where you stand, you want to be able to talk about your future with your dude without Potential Future Ghost Baby lurking above every conversation. I am someone who likes things to be very firmed up (that’s what she said) so I empathize. However, I know that lots of people do not like to firm things up, preferring instead to just “let things happen.” This lifestyle gives me hives, but is apparently quite popular, judging by almost everyone on the earth I am even vaguely friends with. So, you guys are struggling with a kind of mild difference in vibe that I think is not that big a deal.

If I were you I guess I’d be a little worried that your dude’s loosey-goosey stoner ambivalence actually indicated that deep down he kind of wanted kids. Which would make me even more frantic to firm that decision up.

Diversity saves and variation rocks! The Botany of Desire is a PBS documentary based on Michael Pollan's book with the same name.

Pollan explores the relationship between humans and four plants: apples, tulips, marijuana, and potatoes . All of these plants have something we desire: sweetness, beauty, the power to intoxicate and the ability to feed our bellies. Humans work hard for these plants, therefore the plants flourish and give us more of what we want.

Kate Rose

Super-duper sexual frustration is what makes the most psychoactive weed! Female marijuana plants produce a sticky substance called THC so they can catch the pollen the male plants produce and make babies (seeds). THC also produces the pot high in humans. Savvy pot growers figured out how to trick the female plants into producing a lot more THC by separating the male plants from the females. Not totally, but just keeping them far enough away so the females have to work extra hard to get it. They kick into overdrive and produce extra-potent, sticky, sexy THC to make themselves more desirable and capable of catching the males' pollen. The more THC, the more of the box of Bugles you eat.

And you will learn an overly sweet apple is boring and lacks dimension, which I see as a metaphor for some humans. Watch it!