it's been a year now since I stared into the dark eyes of death. I didn't want to go first because I knew my family would follow right after.
it's been a journey. hard. but just a journey. I am numb during most of my interactions at work and home and at random moments of the day whenever my mind wanders it's always a playback of the events of the day.

prior to my ordeal,whenever I had a conversation concerning crime and criminals in my country, I would always stress the fact that if a killer comes for you and his face is revealed,then you would surely be a goner. as I said, I stared Death in the face. The scars are physical and deeply emotional for everyone who was involved but I seem to be trapped in my personal hell of a loop.

I am ok tho. I still have life.

hanging out with my son sometimes ease the pain, but as soon as I start thinking about him I think about how he could have died as well...

fuck. I'm thinking about it now.

imagine. you go to work from 7AM. you work up until 10:30PM and then you head home. you reach home. chill with your 3month old son for a bit until he falls asleep. you bathe and go to bed. the next thing you know your window smashes in and a dude with a gun comes in. he puts you in a corner and holds the gun at your woman and son's head. you act cautiously because the look in his eyes and the way he talks tells you that this isn't his first rodeo. he tells you to strip of your clothes and lay face down on the floor. he then proceeds to rape your woman while she clutches your child and muffles her cries.

while you stare him in the eyes he tells you to look away. you do because the gun is by her head while he fucks her. he finishes quickly and then he tells you to fuck her. you tell him your dick wont get hard because you are frighten and he points and repeats "fuck her" . being the oscar winner you are you spread her legs and position your dick as if you are entering, you proceed to thrust back and fort while he watches and then he unbolts your door and slip out into the darkness.

fate would have it tho that he gets shot in the groin maybe half an hour after, after attempting another robbery and he bleeds out most of the night until the police catches him and his friend trying to escape the next day and sent them home in a hail of lead. he was on a trail. he put 9 shots into a dirty cop who had dissed him months earlier about 20 mins before he got to my house. this was in a community probably 2 miles away.

it's been a shitty year. I don't go a day without seeing how simple it was for things to go another way. it was the most emotional morning of my life because I bawled like a bitch when I bolted the door after he ran out. my hand is (beautifully to me) scarred because of how much mirrors and walls I broke and punched during my anger.
so this is me man, talking, trying to get over this hump, because it is an anchor.

_________________"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim

Wow sai, that's the most violent story I heard, to say the least. If I remember correctly you are from Colombia? Not saying that this shit only happens over there but that's just insane.
Hope you get well and your family can cope with that . Stay strong brother.

I find that sharing the emotions that arise out of a traumatic ordeal helps digest the emotions and move on, even though it's only a little bit at a time. Talk to someone who's capable of listening to you fully, there's no shame in that.

I hope you heal man. Life has unexpected twists. You felt powerless. You were powerless. Not to him, but to his weapon. You had the inner strength for yourself and your family to do what it took to survive. This means a lot. It means more than you may think.

Karma got him and his friend through harmony. It was balance. Inflicting that much pain and toll on the world isn't sustainable.

You will grow. Talk it out with someone you trust who will listen. Life is hard at times. Your scars reflect the pain and actions you couldn't take. You're right to want to hit something anything.

The depths of despair and hopeless that violent actions bring it hard to bare. Just remember, you will grow and are growing. Many never have to experience a situation like this. You made it through this situation. You've seen the worst of everything to lose.

Grow. You're coping with situation and you can definitely a way to thrive after this. I would suggest that if you haven't already worked on a life dream then live it fully. Explore it fully. It may help you through this ordeal.

Business? Start it. Travel? Do it. Hobby? Undertake it. Food? Eat it.

You may learn more about yourself than you ever have. You have nothing to lose because you've seen everything you have to lose.

the only people in every day life who wants to talk do so while trying to instill religion. I'm good.
Dali. I am Jamaican.
I don't really care to speak to people around me much about it also because they just want gossip to engage in with others.
I figured the most constructive help would have come from you who are here.

_________________"I'd rather have no bitch than a half a bitch" Iceberg Slim

However, count your blessings. Just think if your son would have been older? He'd be scarred for life.

So make sure it won't happen again. How?

a) Buy Weapons (the best available)
- Don't know how the culture is, but perhaps let people know that you have weapons (it will work as a deterent).

- My Master said: "A man without a weapon is like a sheep (because anyone can come and cut its wool)"
That's why we are given a sword and told to never let it leave our body (we even sleep with it on).

^^And then train, simulating similar events.

b) Guard dog as well perhaps?

c) Steel rods inside/outside the windows, so it would be diffiucult to break in.

Also, I think serving the community might help for both of you, helping others in need (f.ex feeding the homeless). It can be very empowering to help others, selflessly, feeling that you are part of a positive change around you.

I think it might help more (both of you) to speak to someone about it (one can call anonomously). It's amazing how just telling your story just releaves you (got it from this guy who run a refugee camp with many sex slaves from ISIS. The women are just begging them to just listen to their story, that's it.. just someone that can lend them an ear, so they can get it of their heart (I believe if she speaks to you, perhaps you might feel bad etc).

Maybe writing about it will help as well or just scribing in general (handwriting).

_________________"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."

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