Meatloaf is Gross, I'm Sure You'll Agree

Not sure if you know the origin of meatloaf, but it was invented hundreds of hundreds of years ago by other horrible cooks. The following is the two-step process for making your own meatloaf: 1) Gather perfectly good meats and breads and 2) Ruin the shit out of them.

And stop telling me, "Oh, you don't like meatloaf? That's probably because you've never had my meatloaf. And you should also really try this other meatloaf they serve at the place in town that does the best meatloaf." The phrase "the best meatloaf" hits me exactly like the phrase "the best-tasting diarrhea." It's still fucking diarrhea, y'all, and none of that's going in this mouth either, pleaseandthankyou.

There's no way to talk about meatloaf in a way that sounds appetizing.

Exhibit A: "Wanna come back to my house and have a little meatloaf?"

Exhibit B: "Leftover meatloaf"

Exhibit C: "I've gotta go in the back and make some meatloaf. I'll be back in about thirty minutes."

Exhibit D: "My meatloaf is moist."

(Commenters will be offering additional evidence for this case.)

I know you meatloafers just really love turning foods into loaves, so I'd like to offer you some other food options that you could turn into loaves:

1. Beer

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.

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