In today’s Fiver: the scandal that is The Fiver’s Wikipedia page being removed

In the wake of Manchester United’s deathly goalless 0-0 draw at Southampton, The Fiver is beginning to warm to José Mourinho’s noble campaign to Stop Football. Sure, Mourinho’s been accused of whinging self-interest after claiming that United’s run to next Wednesday’s Big Vase final means their run-in has been nothing more than an inconvenience, while the 9-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-1 formation he’s deployed in every single big away game this season has hardly made it look like entertainment ranks highly on his list of priorities. But The Fiver finally gets where the United manager’s coming from. He isn’t the enemy of football. No, he is the unlikely champion of all those who believe this season is being drawn out longer than the hair poking out of Weird Uncle Fiver’s nose.