The Day I Realized My Travel Comes With Privileges

The Girl on the Train

“I need your passport”, the blonde train conductor commanded as the train hurtled through the Belgian countryside, halfway from Bruges to Brussels. She was looking down at the young woman with big brown eyes next to me, who was sporting immaculate make-up, nails, and a hijab. The conductor had previously insisted on addressing her twice in the Flemish Dutch dialect of the area, which the confused woman next to me (just like most of us on the train), quite clearly did not understand.

In response to the passport request, the woman’s face fell. “I…don’t have it with me”, she softly replied.

Train travel through Europe. Taken in the Netherlands.

The conductor seemed like someone who had been dealing with the public too long to actually still like people. She had previously stared me down disgustedly for daring to have a note from the train station attendant in lieu of a ticket – the ticket printing machine had stopped working after I purchased my ticket, and the nice man attending it gave me a stamped and signed form instead to let me board the train – but after a sigh of frustration she waved an OK in my general direction.

The girl next to me, Amirah*, was having no such luck. “You don’t have your passport? You’re traveling in a foreign country”, the conductor lectured.

*The names have been changed for the womens’ privacy.

“We just went to Bruges for the day,” Amirah said, motioning to her two fellow female travelers on the opposite side of the aisle, “we were not told we would need a passport when we bought the tickets.”

We were returning from beautiful, picturesque Bruges.

The train manager insisted that she needed to see ID because Amirah was traveling on an under-25 ticket, and she had to confirm her age. Amirah and her companions apologized and said they did not realize she needed to show a passport on the train after purchase.

“What if something happens to you? No one will know who you are.” There was no concern in the conductor’s voice, just annoyance and contempt. I understood both Amirah’s and the conductor’s positions here, but the conductor could be a little less aggressive about the whole thing. The next part of her lecture, however, brought things to a whole new level.

“YOU have to carry ID. Especially these days” she said pointedly. “You’re a foreigner. The police can just board the train and ask you for ID, you know. If you don’t have it, you’re in trouble”.

The conductor then asked Amirah to pay the difference for the over-25 ticket. It was $25 more. Her companions protested that their full-price tickets cost only $5 more than the youth ticket, but having already attracted the rest of the train’s attention and not wanting to cause too much trouble, Amirah handed over a 50-Euro bill and got the change.

A Conversation With Amirah

A few silent moments passed until the conductor had moved on to the next compartment. Amirah and her companions started speaking to each other over me in hushed voices, talking about how stupid it was that she ended up paying so much.

Feeling the situation was somewhat unfair as well, I chimed in to tell her that I was sorry that happened, and it was in fact, quite stupid.

“Right?!” she said, and a smile of relief flashed on her face. We started talking, and she told me she was in town from Muscat, Oman. Forgetting about the rude conductor, we moved on to the subject of travel and our recent explorations around Belgium.

Exploring the beautiful streets of Bruges

“How do you like it here?”, I asked. For days, I had been raving to friends about how surprisingly amazing Belgium was, and how the people in Brussels were so much friendlier than I had ever imagined. I couldn’t wait to share my excitement over this beautiful country with my new acquaintance.

-“Well, it’s pretty. But…how do I say this…” she said shyly, then hesitated.

-“It’s cool, go ahead”, I prodded.

-“Are the-“, she dropped her voice lower to a whisper, “are the people up here always so rude?”

-“Oh no, it’s not her. I meant in general. In shops we went to, places we’ve been.”

-“Really?!” My surprise was evident.

-“Oh, I mean not everyone of course. But…a lot. I guess…”, she paused, looked down and hesitated for a while before continuing, “I just don’t know if they’re rude in general or if they don’t like us because we’re Arabs”.

Something inside me cringed uncomfortably. Here I was, espousing the friendliness of Brussels’ inhabitants and the amazing experiences I had in that city to anyone who would listen, and this woman had instead experienced rude shopkeepers, aggressive conductors, and who knows what else.

“I mean, it’s much better than Frankfurt”, she continued. “We had a layover there from Oman and….phewwww”, she said, as she threw her hand backwards in disbelief and laughed.

We continued talking about this and that, and she offered suggestions for what I should do if I ever visit Oman. She and her friends had a quick enthusiastic exchange in Arabic, and then she turned to me and said, with a big smile, “you know, we’re actually recruiting for Oman Air, would you be interested?!”

“No, I’m good with my job, but thank you so much”, I said (turning down a paying job that would have me traveling all the time, because I’m a complete idiot).

“OK, well if you ever change your mind…”, she replied in a sweet sing-song.

Chilling in Brussels Main Square

The Realization

This whole exchange, while seemingly minor, brought to the forefront this nagging thought that’s been creeping up on me for ages.

I spend so much time telling people how friendly the world truly is, how amazing it is to travel all over the place and feel the warmth of locals everywhere, how travel can truly be a great and uplifting experience – yet there is a part of me that knows some people will experience the positives of travel and local hospitality much more frequently than others.

Don’t get me wrong; I do truly believe (and it’s confirmed every day on the road) that the world and its people are better than most think, and many people are surprisingly open to helping others out and talking with travelers and strangers.

But I always leave out an important aspect of my personal travel experience – in fact, several important aspects – that may not apply to everyone reading my posts.

All of this frequently makes my travel experiences different from so many other groups of people. It gives me privileges when I travel that others simply don’t have.

For some of you who scoffed at the use of the word “privileges” (which has become very politicized lately), I use that word in a very simple, common sense way. This is what I mean when I say I travel with privileges:

I don’t have to worry about people disliking me, making fun of me, or even resorting to violence against me because of my sexual orientation or identity. Being straight and cis is not something that makes me a target. It’s not something I have to think of or perhaps even try to hide in some areas.

I don’t have to worry about being white. In most places in the world, even if my skin color may be an oddity, it won’t make people hate me (with few exceptions) or disdain me. It might categorize me as “rich” in some places when I travel, so maybe I’ll be a target for petty theft. But I have all too frequently heard jokes, even in majority non-white countries I’ve spent time in like South Africa, that most perpetrators of more serious crimes know better than to “mess with the white girl”. Messing with the white American girl means the law might actually pursue the offenders, or at least, is way more likely to pursue the offenders than if they had messed with the black local girl.

Super white after months in London

I don’t have to worry about coming across as American; though I may get a few judgmental questions about American politics, for the most part I’ll get treated like a well-off tourist and catered to as such by those I come across. People visiting from other countries, mostly developing countries, don’t always get this same assumption about them and treatment directed towards them. I have seen travelers from poorer countries, regardless of their own level of personal wealth, sometimes getting less stellar treatment from staff than North Americans or Western Europeans.

I generally don’t have to worry about finding someone to help me. Being a young and attractive girl plays a role in my interactions with people. I find many people are willing to help me out. Some of them (most of them, I’d like to believe) might have helped me out regardless. Some of them might not have cared so much to help me out or befriend me if I were an overweight middle-aged woman, an unattractive man, or anything other than what I am. I may have to deal with some unwanted attention later, but that, while annoying, can usually be handled.

The point is: I will never know what it is like to travel as someone who is homosexual; non-white; from a developing country; or very simply what it is like to travel as anyone that’s not me.

On the other hand, this means I will also never know what it is like to travel as a man. I won’t know what it’s like to have that extra shade of recklessness and freedom my male traveling buddies seem to have. I won’t know what it’s like to socialize without worrying so much about my interactions with the opposite gender. In some places, I won’t have the freedom to enter some social spaces that – either through social norms or actual laws – are not open to me. Not to mention will generally have to worry more about my alcohol intake and where I walk and who I flirt with.

I can’t write or speak to experiences of other groups on the road, because I have not had them. I can only describe my own experiences in any given country.

So did the train conductor, shopkeepers, and other people Amirah found rude dislike her because of her skin color? Or did she just happen to bump into rude people?

It could most likely be a little of both.

The point is that in my travels, unlike Amirah’s, that’s something I never have to wonder.

So what can we do about this difference of experience when we travel? I don’t know. We can be conscious of it and do our best to keep moving forward, building bridges, and traveling the world no matter what we look like or are like, so things get better in the future.

If you do want to check out some blogs in addition to mine (but don’t leave me! keep reading my posts as well!) that deal with travel as seen through different eyes, check out the following sites:

Here are 2 kickass female travelers who often comment on traveling as black women:

27 Responses

This was a really interesting read! I grew up in Belgium and always thought that people were friendly, except a few people in Antwerp who seemed to dislike me and my friends because we spoke French (and not Flemish!). Makes me wonder if people in Brussels would treat me differently if I wore a hijab – the answer is probably yes, but I will never know for sure!

I had a similar experience in Belgium, I thought everyone was very friendly! And I’m sure most people would still be fine if you wore a hijab. However, there is always a percentage of people who will have their prejudices!

As someone with two passports from different countries, I’ve long known the privilege of being able to travel. And sometimes people travel without even acknowledging this privilege. I feel so bad for Amirah’s situation; I truly hope nothing like that ever happens to her again. Nonetheless, I’m glad you were able to reflect on it as a bystander and, in turn, understand a facet of yourself that you didn’t know. An original read!

Well written post. I totally get how different each of our experiences could be because of who we are, how we are, and who the people around us are. Definitely agree with you in a lot of points there-straight to the heart! I, too, have been traveling with a 3rd world passport as a solo female and even in my country, we get discriminated by our own immig officers (to be fair, they are just doing their job) by immediately assuming that we are just gonna travel to work abroad illegally or something. I have side by side experiences traveling with white western people and shop keepers would probably not bat an eyelash if I was just by myself and straight out ignore me. Having that said, I just hold on to my belief that the world revolves and evolves. Eventually, we will be dealt with the same situation & by then we would have evolved to be a better person to face it.

Loved, loved, loved this post! So honest and true. As a white traveler, I could almost feel the discomfort of the situation on a train. On the other hand, I am not from Western country, so very often I have to stand in much longer lines and go via tougher security checks and visa processes because of my passport. I know both sides of the medal and they are very similar to what you are talking about. Great job!

I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for writing it. I travelled a lot as a solo white privileged girl. Now I am travelling with my partner who is a woman. It’s definitely different. We have only done Greece so far but I have noticed more staring and a few weird questions and assumptions. Checking in to hotels is always a bit of a laugh. We had an older man accusing us of “ruffling feathers” by walking down the street holding hands. But all of these are quite minor and part of it. Luckily no one has been outright hostile to us yet. Fingers crossed.

Ah yes, speaking as a Greek I can say unfortunately that my home country is not as progressive as I would like. I can imagine your two experiences being very different – and I hope internationally we get to a point where absolutely no one minds or gets weird because you’re traveling with your partner.

Here in the Netherlands, women in hijab definitely get treated with more suspicion than white women. So do dark-skinned men. We are required to carry i.d. which serves as a great opportunity for people in positions of authority to pick on people of color. (I think this is also true in Belgium, but the fact that she asked Amirah and not you for i.d. is down to racism.) I would also add, as a white, overweight, middle-aged straight woman, that as you get older, the privilege gets even more obvious, if that’s possible. I get that deference that many cultures expect toward middle-aged and elderly people. I also don’t experience the sexual harassment I faced so often when I was younger.

Yes definitely – the conductor came up to me from behind, and plainly heard me speaking Greek on the phone to my mom before I realized she was there and ended the call. No way she didn’t know I was foreign, but she never asked for ID, even with my iffy ticket. Honestly, can’t wait to experience less of that sexual harassment myself!

Well said, I have been appalled at the way a lot of “other” travelers have been treated when in Europe in particular. Here in Ireland we are very privileged to be traveling as white and I often hear the comments made behind the backs of Asians and people of Arabic origin and it’s shameful. I have confronted a few rude comments myself as I just can’t stand any kind of injustice like this, and I think as travelers it is imperative that we all learn to speak up and speak out and confront these types of discriminations when we see and hear them. It’s up to us to not stand back and let them happen.

It’s always so disgusting when other white people make comments within earshot because they assume that being white, you won’t say anything or even worse, tacitly agree. And yes, I completely agree we must speak up and confront these kinds of comments and injustices!

Really interesting read. I’m from India, and travel solo and I always get raised eyebrows. Always extra questions at airports to why am I traveling alone among a few. Yet I have also met people who’ve been really friendly and some rude too. I know there are stereotypes, there are misconceptions about people from African/ Asian countries which somewhat is saddening. To a level I want to travel more because of this, maybe I can reach out to more people through my blog and change some myths!! Hopefully some day :)

I love that despite some negative experiences, you also believe that the more we keep traveling and reaching out to people, the more we can shatter misconceptions and stereotypes! I feel that’s what we should all hope to do via travel and blogging!

This is really different article i have read in a while. I had a similar experience in Netherlands and Belgium (Brussels to be specific) and found all people to be super helpful and friendly which i adored the most. We need more such people.

Wonderful article, it made recall an experience I had in England about six months ago. I’ve been to England several times and always found the people friendly. The last time I went was just after Brexit and a bus driver mistook me for Italian (I’m American). He yelled me, sneered me at me and was aggressive towards me. Considering the political context of England at the time, I felt very disturbed by his behavior. It was the only time in my life that I felt unwelcomed in a country and made me reflect on the experiences of others.

I’m so sorry you went through that! I was in London and told some people I’m Greek (most didn’t know by sight, I don’t look ‘stereotypically’ Greek I guess), and I definitely heard a few stupid ignorant comments. But I found that with some (not all) people, taking the time to talk to them about their assumptions definitely had an effect.

Beautifully written post – your exploration of the concept of privilege and how that shapes our experiences was very insightful and honest. I hope that others read this and give pause to how we all have different interactions (and reactions) and that is often sadly based on how we look.

I loved reading this post! I’m Chinese-Australian, and this means people can be really rude when they see I’m Chinese. Once I start speaking English or once I tell them I’m from Australia, their attitudes and the way they treat me completely change. I am usually met with surprise and excitement once people find out I’m from Australia – and I shudder to think how I would be treated should I not be Australian-born.

We can only hope that with time and education people can change their attitudes or be more mindful towards the way they treat people. The word “privilege” has a bad reputation, but I think unless we have walked a mile in other’s shoes we can never TRULY know what it’s like to be them. Thank you for sharing your experience – we need to read more experiences like this!

Completely agree! We can never know what it’s like to be other people. And I know what you mean, I have several black friends who tell me that when people abroad realize they’re American, they get better treatment. Friends from most places in Africa don’t get quite the same treatment unfortunately.

Great food for thought here. I’m in a wheelchair and I definitely get treated differently because of it. Sometimes it can be bad, but a lot of times it’s good too. We each see the world through our own lens of background and experience. Interesting to see how your “priveledged” perspective contrasted with hers.

Lose the Map is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
Lose the Map 2018