Thursday, March 29, 2007

A terrible oversight that must be remedied immediately.It just occurred to me that during female desire week I posted dozens of pictures of Dir en Grey and somehow neglected to give my darling Zan a copy of her theme song/video! I mean come on, wouldn’t we all like to have a theme song?The first time I saw her screen-name I assumed that it was taken from this song, being the hopeless music geek that I am. Apparently that is not the case, but I’ve been meaning to send her a copy of the song anyway. I’m too lazy to upload anything myself, though, so since Trin liked the last video I’m going to do this the easy way. Behold the wonder that is YouTube!

Zan - The song, not the person.

I’m kind of ho-hum about the song itself – it’s from the first album, the drummer was only 18 and hadn’t really learned how to play yet, I hate the production etc …but the video is all kinds of twisted fun. Cross-dressing drummer and bassist, three band-members in thigh-high boots, decapitated singer’s head on an altar, still singing merrily away, one guitarist in inexplicable sci-fi garb, the other one done up as some sort of strange gargoyle/fairy creature with wings, weird-ass demonic children, some kind of…thing in a bathtub. And don’t forget the undead-looking dudes wrapped in Christmas lights for no apparent reason! And the skull!I especially love the part where a leather-clad Die approaches a little girl sitting in a chair and it looks like things are about to get predictably kiddie-porn-ish…and then she straps him to a wall and electrocutes him.Completely demented, which is why I love these guys. And I love Zan too, since she’s kind enough to keep letting me live in her brain.Mwah!

PS I promise I’ll do a real post again soon. I’m in a silly mood right now.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Damn Trinity, making me think all the time… (WARNING - NSFW pics below the text)Trinity posted an interesting comment a couple of posts down that I though was worthy of it’s own post. All week we’ve been celebrating female desire, and this is a good thing, but most of us have stuck to desires of a fairly uncontroversial nature. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but…what about those other desires? The ones we don’t mention in polite company. The ones we only mention to our nearest and dearest. The ones we sometimes don’t mention at all, the ones we keep locked inside, safe from public scrutiny? What about those ones?I’m fairly open about mine, actually, here in the safety of my internet anonymity. There’s not much there that my dear readers can’t already guess at. I’m a little kinky, I like tying people up and dominating them, I like a little blood (other people’s blood, not mine) and a little pain (again, mostly other people’s, although I do have this thing for being bitten…). No biggies, as far as I’m concerned, but then I’m a pretty open-minded person.But what about the other stuff? The really freaky stuff, the stuff that treads on real taboos, the stuff that can freak out even the freakiest of us? Want to talk about that stuff? Trin does, and since she wasn’t getting any responses over at her place I thought I’d throw it out to the peanut gallery here.For what it’s worth, my take is this. Whatever happens in the privacy of your own mind? I don’t care. How ever weird it may be, your mind is your own, to do with as you will. It’s none of my business what anyone else fantasizes about, as long as they don’t insist on telling me about it after I politely ask them to shut up. What does everyone else think? Are some ideas so awful that we shouldn’t even be thinking about them? Most religions would say yes. I say no, but then I’m an atheist and I’m weird.What about when we take those ideas and act them out in the real world? In other words, what happens when it’s not just something happening in the privacy of one’s own imagination? What about when other people are involved? Is that OK as long as the other people are consenting adults, or are some things so vile that they should never be acted out, even in a highly controlled environment?To provide some context…I used to spend a lot of time in BSDM clubs and at parties. In some of those places I saw a few things that I, personally, cannot tolerate. I can’t stand any of the myriad fetishy things usually referred to as “watersports”. Not at all, not in any way. If I see such a thing I will exit the scene immediately.That doesn’t mean I think it’s not OK for other people to do those things, though. I just don’t want to watch or participate.Then there’s the Nazi stuff. Anyone who’s ever spent any time around the BSDM scene has seen this at some point. Me? I fucking hate it. Not only do I not want to watch it, I don’t want to play with anyone who does it even if they don’t do it when I’m involved. It tweaks something in me that cannot be suppressed. Every time I see it I want to beat the crap out of people.But then again, that’s me. Does that mean that other people don’t have a right to do it? No. Although one some level I really, really wish they didn’t. And it bothers me.

The thing is, the idea of categorically forbidding the acting out of certain fantasies worries me. It seems like a slippery slope. I’m reluctant to forbid ANYTHING between consenting adults, because you know the old saying…if you’re silent when they come for this group, and then that one, what about when they come for you?

As an example and to give an idea of where I fit on the old kink meter…this should give a general idea of my preferred kind of play, although I have a REALLY strong preference for leather straps. These particular pics are from the music video I was talking about a couple of posts down, since I know that the people depicted are OK with being thus depicted and I have no intention of posting pics of myself (and also so that if anyone comes and complains about my supporting porn I can say “hey, it’s a fucking music video, people - I KNOW all the people involved in this one were OK with it”). Now here’s the thing – think about the stuff that squicks me out, like the watersports stuff. If one were to make my personal “icky” reflex the standard by which things are allowed or not allowed, what about all the people who like that stuff and happily participate in it together with no harm done to anyone involved? What about all the people who find the stuff I like horrifying and would love to be able to ban it? People’s standards vary…they vary a lot. If we’re not going to say “everything consensual is OK”, who gets to set the standards? Who would YOU trust to make that call?(Note – pics NSFW because of blood, boobs and general kinkiness)

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Saturday's lust post, continued...scroll down for part one.

So where were we? The strange point where Cassandra's subcultural preferences all come together. Dir en grey babes part 3. Kaoru. The real genius behind the whole thing. Referred to by fans as leader-sama for a reason – he’s running the show, and always has been. I’m never quite sure how much of my adoration for this one is pure lechery and how much is admiration for his awesome creative mojo and impressive work ethic. But on a physical level….

The sense of stillness, the wry little smile, the intelligence in the eyes. The pouty lower lip, and the sexy little goatee. The perfect cheekbones, the ridiculously cool hair, the pointy little nose, the deep gravelly voice. The overwhelming sense of intensity.

Normally not a fan of dyed blond hair, but on him…

So digging the new full sleeve tattoo.The leather pants…damn, I love those pants.

The tattoos…pretty hands covered in beautiful tattoos. Not to mention that a man with great hands is the gift that keeps on giving.

There’s something about those lips…that’s Die in the background in the middle pic, by the way.Looks sexier smoking than any other man I can think of.

Moody

Dig the coat, and the purple hair...this is from about 2000There's also something about that jawline...

One of the rare shots where you can see the tattoo on his neck. One of these days he’s going to run out of skin…

Pretty boy Kaoru, in the old days.

He even looks good in glasses. Really, it's not fair.

Then there’s the fact that as he’s gotten older he’s slowly become more masculine without developing a trace of bluster or false bravado (by which I mean that he’s masculine NOW - a few years ago, not so much, though he always looked damn silly in drag). I’ve seen men twice his age bow to Kaoru, and industry veterans with far more experience than him. Something about him commands respect – there’s a kind of quiet confidence there that’s, well, very sexy. The ones who really have it don’t need to shout about it. I would LOVE to get my hands on this one.

There is also the fact that he bears a not-inconsiderable resemblance to Mr Cassandra. Check out this shot from last month’s tour. A friend actually walked by when I had this pic up on my screen and said “hey, I didn’t know that Mr Cassandra played the guitar!”. I guess that’s kind of sweet, huh? That one of my personal lust objects looks like my husband? This may explain why there are some days where I am in a very, very good mood…

OK, time for some more lust…(In two parts due to Blogger’s hatred of pic-heavy posts)You know how I keep going on and on about my favorite band? Now, there are many reasons I love Dir en grey. I first fell in love with their music ten years ago after being given an indie single by my beloved Noriko…did I mention how great she was? Anyway, at that point it was all about the music…the Japanese rock scene was going through an odd phase from a stylistic point of view, and DEG were among the oddest of the lot. I loved their sound, but I thought they looked ridiculous. I was willing to overlook that, however, because that sound…that sound sent chills down my spine. Ten years later it still does.The second thing I fell in love with was the videos…and here’s where some of the radfems throw me out of the sisterhood forever. There was this video, you see…it was for the song Raison D’Etre, from the first major label album. Now that video…to all intents and purposes it’s softcore BSDM porn with a really great soundtrack. And Cassandra loved it to the depths of her kinky little soul.And those videos just kept getting better and better, and so did the music, and I was hooked.I still didn’t really find the guys sexy, per se, more interesting than anything else, until a couple of years later. They toned the make-up down a bit, to the point where you could actually see their faces, and discarded the sillier costumes, and then…well, then Cassandra discovered 3 of the sexiest men she’s ever seen. Bizarre that they’re all in the same band, especially for me – most of the bands I love were hit with the ugly stick pretty hard. I love Metallica, but from an aesthetic point of view – blech! Al Jorgenson’s a genius, but I wouldn’t touch him with someone else’s body. Pantera…surely you jest. The Ramones…Joey looked like Howard Stern, and that’s REALLY not a compliment. But these guys…Well, let’s put it this way. It’s still about the music, that never changed. But the fact that three out of five guys are so sexy I never get tired of looking at them? That’s a pretty sweet bonus feature. And I’m a generous girl, so given that it’s lust week and all I thought I’d share.

Toshiya I already posted, but you want some more? As if I needed an excuse when it comes to my favourite lust object…gratuitous pics from last month’s Inward Scream tour.

See, Zan, told you you should have gone.

And then there’s Die. Who has recently toned down his trademark red hair, much to my disappointment – it’s kind of a dark auburn now. I miss the letterbox red hair. He’s still sexy as hell, though. I met this one last summer, and he’s even sexier in person. Funny story – the woman I went to see them with last summer is, well, kind of racist (which is why I no longer hang out with her – that day was a very illuminating experience). She is famously disdainful towards Asian men. But when this guy walked out on the stage…she grabbed my arm and said “Holy shit he’s hot!”.

Wanna see why?

That says it all, really. The libido beats people’s deeply ingrained stupidity every time. He’s a lot taller than I expected him to be. With an amazing smile. Playful, funny, sometimes annoying, but never boring. He’s kind of the token regular guy. Seems to derive his greatest pleasure in life from torturing their drummer, the poor little lamb. Drinks too much. Has always looked great in clothes – except for the brief and very unfortunate period where they tried to put him in a dress. He looked like Great Aunt Matilda. Drag was not a good look for him – the way he moves is all wrong. Let’s all be very glad they don’t do that any more.

Did I mention that he’s really sexy? Tall, thin but not too thin, oddly round nose that for some reason I find terribly cute, prettiest lips I’ve ever seen. Gorgeous skin, even in his thirties.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Fear of fat, fear of food, fear of sexThere’s something that’s been stewing in the back of my mind for a while, and it has to do with the relationship between food and sex. I’m convinced that there is one – both are pleasures of the body, both are best experienced in good company, both have a role in cementing our bonds with other people.I’ve never encountered a truly sexual person who wasn’t also a foodie. I don’t mean that in the sense of “eats a lot” so much as in the sense of a person who takes a clear and visible pleasure in eating, who is passionate about food, who makes the effort to seek out foods that they love. Food has always been a part of courtship for me – not just in the sense of going out to dinner together as part of the official script for dating, but also in the sense of the pleasure I take in sharing food with others, in discovering new places, in cooking together, in satisfying shared cravings.See, it’s already starting to sound kind of sexy. And it is – eating together can be a profoundly sensual experience. Watching another person eat can also give you clues as to what they will be like in bed. Oddly enough the first time I heard this clearly articulated was by my mother in law. When Mr Cassandra was a teenager she told him that if he wanted to find a woman who loved sex he should watch how she ate. If a woman seemed enthusiastic about food, seemed to take pleasure in flavor and texture trying new things, well, that would probably be reflected in the way she made love, too.She’s right, at least in my experience. I always observed men eat and thought the same things, I just didn’t realize what I was doing. I never put it into words, but I did it right from when I started dating, and you know what? The information I gleaned from watching my dates eat was never wrong. The one who gulped down his food without even tasting it? Hasty and lacking in sensuality in bed. The one whose table manners were horrifying, who shoveled food into his mouth with no regard for taste or subtlety? Lousy technique, poor ability to read others. As subtle as a sledgehammer. Whereas Mr Cassandra, with whom I tried half a dozen cusines that neither of us had ever sampled before, who savours every morsel, and who loves both sweetness and spice...well, he's another matter entirely.And so it has always gone, for me.Where this ties into desire week is this – our society teaches women not to take pleasure in food. It teaches us that food is our enemy, to be approached with distrust and suspicion. It teaches us to count calories and fat grams, to count carbs, whatever the fad of the moment is. What it doesn’t teach us is to listen to our bodies, let them tell us what they want and what they need.I wonder how this ties in to the way people think about sex in this society. Especially women, who get the brunt of the “be careful what you eat” brainwashing. If we lose the ability to see food as a source of joy, as something that we need, what does that do to the way we see our bodies in general? To the way we see sex?And that, my friends, is yet another reason why fat is a feminist issue. Fear of one natural bodily process bleeds into fear of another, and that’s not good for any of us.Now I’m off to make dinner. A spicy Indian curry with chicken and garbanzos and coconut milk. And Mr Cassandra and I shall enjoy it together. And then, after he does the dishes…well, we shall see. Food does set the mood after all.

Here at female desire week central we have been neglecting our lovely sisters, and that will not do. Belle and Zan have already covered the basics, but there were a few obvious omissions. So, here’s my roundup of those I love to gaze upon that have not been mentioned thus far.Lena Olin. Remember Romeo is Bleeding? Remember that thing she did with her thighs? Did you see her walk all over wimpy, insipid little moppet Jennifer Garner on Alias?I love her. Even though she could unquestionably kick my ass – in fact, partly because of it.Best movie role – The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Romeo is Bleeding

About Me

I'm a progressive, left-wing Brit living in California. I used to be a high-tech sales guru, but got tired of that and am now thinking about going back to school to get a Masters in Journalism. My undergrad is in Psychology, but I have never used this in any constructive way. This is typical for me.
I grew up mostly in the Middle East, was educated at a very fancy Scottish boarding school, moved to London at 18, and have lived in the Bay Area for the past 8 years. I am now suffering from a serious case of itchy feet, and am feeling that 8 years is quite long enough to stay in one place. Again, this is typical. If anyone really wants to figure me out they should Google "third culture" - I fit the prototype pretty closely. If any other Third Culture kids happen to stumble across this blog, write to me. There aren't very many of us.