Q: My wife has adult ADHD. She often provokes me in conversation and makes me angry. I try to tune her out and ignore her remarks. Do you have any advice?

-Mark H.

A: Hi Mark,

Living with an ADHD spouse is a challenge, and being angry or upset with her is simply unavoidable. In short, a person with ADHD must cope with disorganization and inattention. As a result, the relationship that one has with an ADHD spouse is stressful because you must pick up the daily slack. Along with the added daily workload, those with ADHD are also often emotionally unavailable too. Since none of this is intentional behavior on the part of the ADHD spouse, it only makes matters worse to get upset and angry with him or her.

I’m assuming you already know that medication is the most effective treatment for most people with ADHD. Psychotherapy can also be useful, but it’s most effective when the patient’s symptoms have first been minimized or controlled with medication. Many spouses who find themselves in your situation also find that counseling or joining a support group can be helpful. At the end of the day, these relationships can work if you both get the appropriate help that you need and you continue to be an understanding, patient and loving husband.